How long does it take to recover from anxiety?

Firstly, a great post Paul and reinforces the need for patience and courage to keep going and not avoiding anything. I can identify with so much in it – I am well into recovery but still at the stages where I can run for a while and then oops trip. I realise that this can be affected by outside forces too but it’s our response to the blips that matters not the blip itself. I still need lots of non-reacting and non-avoiding – sometimes I’m good at it and sometimes not, but it doesn’t matter – the fact is that I know I am on the right road, and when I doubt it I know it’s anxiety. This is not an easy road for anyone who is on it and I think that the fact you have reinforced what an up-down affair recovery is should help a lot of people, anxiety sufferers tend to look for perfection and perfection (I should know I have done it long enough) and although we need to know that we can recover fully looking for the perfect day, week etc trying to match everyone else’s recovery – well it’s setting yourself up for a fall. So your post, I am sure, will give them hope and strength to keep us all moving, steadily – and hopefully accepting recovery when it comes and not demanding it.

Diana – SO NICE to see you here and lovely to hear how strong you have become. I’m getting there too, it’s still an up-down affair – but the gradualness is building. Tiredness does affect me too and hormones, lol. but I am learning to not react or avoid – and hopefully as I said before, do nothing for anxiety and everything I want to do – I , like you, have much-ingrained habits but I’m unravelling the ball. We have so much to thank Paul for.

Hi Natalie I do remember you yes, here is your post split up.

hi paul
may i be the first to congradulate you on a wonderful explaination.. it sounds so simple but we all know the hard work that you would have put into that xx

When I write something and I no longer suffer it sounds easy to me, but I only have to put myself back all those years and I remember it could be difficult at times, esp in the early days, but trust me Natalie it gets so much easier and please do trust in yourself and keep moving forward, those little victorys will make you feel so much better about yourself.

it gives me lots of hope and could not come at a better time. I don’t know if you remember when i came on panicking about ssp and maybe having to go back to work. well, I have an interview lined up for a new job in two weeks and am having a back to work interview tomorrow. have been highly anxious since I made this decision and my sleep has already been effected with the odd heart palpitation.

Natalie, I may have posted this too late about your back to work interview, but you will be fine, you are bound to feel a little anxious, anyone would, anxiety or not. I was in the same situation. I had an interview and changed my mind 10 times about going, felt very anxious and then thought, ‘I am bound to feel anxious, anyone would, I feel it a little stronger than most because of my sensitised state’ and I stopped all the shall I, shan’t I, and just went. I coped fine, I felt a little anxious, but soon got chatting and my anxiety levels dropped and I got the job’. It was only a small part-time job, but I went home and was almost skipping, I had not listened to that anxious voice telling me it would end in disaster, I had not given into a little fear, I went straight through and been totally fine, how much confidence this gave me for the future!

When we feel anxiety, we always tend to fear the worst, exaggerate situations, any tinge of anxiety and we don’t see it as normal, we see it as ‘Oh it’s going to go wrong’ we need to just breeze past this and do it anyway. There is a book that has the title ‘Feel the fear and do it anyway’ and this is so very true, we have been feeling fear since the dawn of time, it is nothing new and can do you no harm and it certainly can’t stop you doing anything. It is far better to live with a little fear than live in it

but I know deep down if I was not anxious I would be at work as much as I love my boys and have embraced being more of a mum I am not a full time stay at home person. I am scared and have already had the am I doing the right thing but I worked there for 10 years and was fine.. it is only the memory of what happened that holds me back.

As you embrace being a mum, embrace anxiety too, don’t see it as the big monster trying to hold you back, anxiety only has the power we give it. I remember someone once saying this and it is so very true ‘You must make anxiety your friend in order for you “both” to live in peaceful harmony’

I felt anxious and fearful for a while and just kept going here there and everywhere, not once did it stop me doing so, not once did anything happen, I was in charge, not the way I felt, it just became the slight annoyance in the background and hardly registered. And you are so right, it is the memory of what happened and how you felt holding you back, it may feel odd when you go back, you probably will feel a little anxious, but accept and be o.k with that, don’t view it as anything more than to be expected. In time things will become so much easier, you are going back with a new understanding, a new attitude. I have am sure you will find it far easier than expected and you will come home with a smile on your face that it was not as bad as you expected and you feel a sense of pride for going.

In fact, my friend just said to me are you sure .. I don’t want to see you ill again.. and I started to doubt again. so your post has made me see that I have to do this just take it day by day.. don’t pressure myself .. try not to doubt but accept I will have days like this and move forward. I don’t want to hide away anymore .. and even though I have been feeling lots more in control and going out with friends and stuff I need to take the next step. would love your response if you get the time and how you dealt with the doubt when you returned to work cos after 10 years am sure it was not an easy ride. thankyou again paul here’s to keeping positive xxx

The best part of what you said above is below,

Try not to doubt but accept I will have days like this and move forward

So true Natalie, trust me, Natalie you will be fine in anything you do, I have yet to have anyone come back and say ‘I did not cope’, but so many who said ‘I did it, Paul, it went far better than I expected’ the excitement in their voices is infectious and the exact way I felt when I achieved something against my instinct. Do come back and let me know how it went.

Paul

Hi Natalie I do remember you yes, here is your post split up.

hi paul
may i be the first to congradulate you on a wonderful explaination.. it sounds so simple but we all know the hard work that you would have put into that xx

When I write something and I no longer suffer it sounds easy to me, but I only have to put myself back all those years and I remember it could be difficult at times, esp in the early days, but trust me Natalie it gets so much easier and please do trust in yourself and keep moving forward, those little victorys will make you feel so much better about yourself.

it gives me lots of hope and could not come at a better time. I don’t know if you remember when i came on panicing about ssp and maybe having to go back to work. well i have an interview lined up for a new job in two weeks and am having a back to work interview tomorrow. have been highly anxious since i made this decision and my sleep has already been effected with the odd heart palpatation..

Natalie I may have posted this too late about your back to work interview, but you will be fine, you are bound to feel a little anxious, anyone would, anxiety or not. I was in the same situation. I had an interview and changed my mind 10 times about going, felt very anxious and then thought, ‘I am bound to feel anxious, anyone would, I feel it a little stronger than most because of my sensitised state’ and I stopped all the shall I, shant I, and just went. I coped fine, I felt a little anxious, but soon got chatting and my anxiety levels dropped and I got the job’. It was only a small part time job, but I went home and was almost skipping, I had not listened to that anxious voice telling me it would end in disaster, I had not given into a little fear, I went straight through and been totally fine, how much confidence this gave me for the future!

When we feel anxiety, we always tend to fear the worst, exagarate situations, any tinge of anxiety and we don’t see it as normal, we see it as ‘Oh its going to go wrong’ we need to just breeze past this and do it anyway. There is a book that has the title ‘Feel the fear and do it anyway’ and this is so very true, we have been feeling fear since the dawn of time, it is nothing new and can do you no harm and it certainly can’t stop you doing anything. It is far better to live with a little fear than live in it

but i know deep down if i was not anxious i would be at work as much as i love my boys and have embraced being more of a mum i am not a full time stay at home person. i am scared and have already had the am i doing the right thing but i worked there for 10 years and was fine.. it is only the memory of what happened that holds me back.

As you embrace being a mum, embrace anxiety to, don’t see it as the big monster trying to hold you back, anxiety only has the power we give it. I remember someone once saying this and it is so very true ‘You must make anxiety your friend in order for you “both” to live in peaceful harmony’

I felt anxious and fearful for a while and just kept going here there and everywhere, not once did it stop me doing so, not once did anything happen, I was in charge, not the way I felt, it just became the slight annoyance in the background and hardly registered. And you are so right, it is memory of what happened and how you felt holding you back, it may feel odd when you go back, you probably will feel a little anxious, but accept and be o.k with that, don’t view it as anything more than to be expected. In time things will become so much easier, you are going back with a new understanding, a new attitude. I have am sure you will find it far easier than expected and you will come home with a smile on your face that it was not as bad as you expected and you feel a sense of pride for going.

in fact my friend just said to me are you sure .. i don’t want to see you ill again.. and i started to doubt again. so your post has made me see that i have to do this just take it day by day.. don’t pressure myself .. try not to doubt but accept i will have days like this and move forward.. i don’t want to hide away anymore .. and even thought i have been feeling lots more in control and going out with friends and stuff i need to take the next step. would love your response if you get time and how you dealt with the doubt when you returned to work cos after 10 years am sure it was not an easy ride. thankyou again paul heres to keeping positive xxx

The best part of what you said above is below,

try not to doubt but accept i will have days like this and move forward

So true Natalie, trust me Natalie you will be fine in anything you do, I have yet to have anyone come back and say ‘I did not cope’, but so many who said ‘I did it Paul, it went far better than I expected’ the excitement in their voices is infectious and the exact way I felt when I acheived something against my instinct. Do come back and let me know how it went.

Paul

Just flying by, wise words once again paul! Im doing very well recently and I want to thank you once again for all your fantastic advice…..

Take care

Jess

Hi Paul
Great post, it is so well-timed for me, I have been doing brilliantly since June time had a rough few months before that but been doing great and had felt better than ever for most of the time. All of a sudden last week the old symptoms reared there head and had a bit of an up and down week, we are away this weekend and it hasn’t been easy but I have kept on doing the things I normally would do without letting the horrible feelings get in the way. I know that they may stay with me now on and off for a while but hey that’s life and as you say proof I am recovering as a few months ago I was constantly down in the dumps. Thanks again and I do keep coming back to this place for support and to keep updated on everyone’s progress. take care all, Claire

Thank you Paul for a brilliant post it has encouraged me no end. I have had my anxiety problems for many years but with your help now understand about memory and habit which I have loads of. I am sure I am improving as I have good and bad days now instead of completely bad ones.Again Thankyou Sally

Hi everyone, Firstly I would like to say what a great post Paul, Very encouraging! I have posted a few times on here & throughout my anxiety, which is now just over a year, have had ups & downs. I do agree with what Paul mentions about recovery being a gradual process. I would put it as being like peeling an onion, it’s like a layering process. Somedays I have good days & others bad, but I just try to get on with the bad days as best as I possibly can. I find that the anxiety tends to happen when I’m away from familiar territory & that makes me feel uneasy. Yesterday I went to have a meeting with a lady about a job, however, the meeting was informal, I still felt very nervous & that made the anxiety quite bad. As I have been out of work for 4 years now, due to having my little one. I had quite a bad anxiety attack on the way there, as I was feeling apprehensive about the job, ie: Would I be able to hold down a job at the moment with the anxiety, etc. Although deep down I know that the way forward is to get back out there again & interact with people on a daily basis, & that getting back to work could be the best therapy for me, I still feel incredibly anxious at the thought of going back to work. The good news is, I was offered the job & I’m due to start on the 1st of Nov. But since I’ve been having anxious thoughts, I’m not sure if I’m being too ambitious, in returning to work. I just don’t know what to do right now? Some symptoms have eased a bit, whereas others, like the racing thoughts Dp & Dr are still there at times. Just a question for anyone on here. Does anyone experience mental overload? whereas you think about anything & everything all at one time like nothing makes sense & seems alien, like your brain is going to explode! it sounds crazy I know, but this is one symptom I seem to be getting a lot of lately. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. It’s so good to see that people on here are making strides in their recovery. It does give me hope, that one day, I too will be free from anxiety.

Hi Guys, Thanks to you paul for the above comments regarding how long it can take to recover.
Michelle, it sounds like because of all the racing thoughts that you have been experiencing, your body and brain are just completely tired and that’s why you feel like your brain is going to explode. The added stress with thoughts around whether to go back to work must be adding to that stress which then feeds the anxiety which then adds to you having so many thoughts coming in and out of our mind. I tend to have intrusive/ negative thoughts which can be really really tough as I always think of the worst scenario, I have now trained myself to just relax and just let my thoughts come in and out without giving them too much energy. I recently started thinking should I be working when I am having bad days, then I thought to myself well I have been working for years, I have a good professional job and this job gives me freedom, new relationships and a place where I don’t need to be worrying about myself day in day out. It may be very scary just the thought of going back to work but I’m sure you will get a lot out of it. I have decided to join the gym and started exercising like I used to and have also managed to get the boyfriend to come which if you knew him is a massive achievement :0) But I think the adrenaline which I have just sitting could be released by exercising and just having fun.
Becca x

Thanks for the post Paul,

I am trying to practice the mindset of ‘its ok to feel like this’ and tell myself there are many people in the world that are far worse off than myself.

One thing I struggle with is the ‘how am I going to feel later or tomorrow’ etc. Eg in an evening I can be quite relaxed but then I think ‘oh no how am I going to feel tomorrow’ and am then filled with dread. I suppose it is because I know the mornings etc are usually worst and is just habit but I just wondered if anyone had any tips on dealing with these thoughts or had anything similar?

Thanks
Caron

I don’t often post on here, just sort of read and take it all in, if some of you re-read your posts many of us answer the questions to what we’re asking in what we’ve written if you know what I mean, its as if we all know what we need to do but to actually live alongside these stress-induced symptoms is easier said than done, ive suffered for 3 years now but since finding this wonderful site have seen brilliant improvements since June, it’s great what “doing nothing” can do, a lot harder than it sounds but it really is helping, it’s always easier to advise other people rather than do it yourself but you need to keep thinking positive, improvement for me is good enough at the mo, I know im on the right track! (ask me again at the end of half term and I might be different lol) and caron did you see I wrote “at the mo”, try not to look ahead to much worrying about tomorrow, been there done that, its as if we worry about situations and it sort of sets us up to have a bad morning because we’ve told our minds/bodies that were supposed to? bloody nasty habit this anxiety malarky isn’t it but one we will all break!! x

lesley xxx

Hello Everybody,
Just had a read through the posts, it looks as though some of you go through exactly what I do when my anxiety is at it’s worst. I must say it’s the hardest thing in the world and I do sometimes wish that Anxiety at this level wasn’t apart of me but it is and it has made me think that people experiencing this as well must stay strong and talk about there feelings/ thoughts etc otherwise you can get yourself in a right pickle.

I personally find it really hard at times because my partner is a doctor and a very sweet person, he knows I suffer from anxiety but I haven’t been able to talk to him about the odd thoughts I sometimes get as I sometimes feel ashamed and embarrassed and not sure how he will react or feel if I told him. I know it’s probably best to talk to him about it but I just can’t. Can anybody relate to this and have you any ideas on how to explain this to your partner/close friend??

I am starting Therapy soon because I think someone outside the family may give me some good advice and ways to deal with this. I have always been an anxious person but after having a bad experience it brought out all these negative thoughts. They went away for a good while but recently they have started to reappear, I find it very frustrating at times. One day there the next day gone, that’s why I see the importance of just letting it happen and not give it too much energy, but when your a very sensitive person like me it is easier said than done.

Hi Victor, just read your post. I can relate to what you’re saying, it is so hard having an unpleasant/ negative thought around someone you love but you know it’s not real and it’s just your anxiety trying to release itself. I always ask why and how could I think something like that but I guess everybody has thoughts negative/positive just sitting in our unconscious mind but when you’re an anxious individual you grabs a hold of those thoughts and analyses them. Victor, I think anxiety can be different for each individual but I personally find going out and doing things or having a look back through Paul’s book does help. I also think exercise can help as well, even if it feels hard and tiring, it may help you sleep- that’s why I have just joined the gym. Also, you need to remember how well you did before, it sounds like the thoughts still scar you a lot but if you just accept them and train your brain to do that, they won’t feel as strong and scary. I know how hard it can be though but stay strong :0) Becca x

Hi Caron
I know what you mean when relaxed{not often}I immediately question how long will it last? and what will tomorrow be like? a sort of self destruct of the good time and then having thought it the tension and anxiety return.Just wanted to let you know you are not alone in this habit and habit is what it is.All the best Sally

Hi Paul,

I am new to this site but I have to say your book is brilliant.

I would like to know if it is normal to be afraid of thinking awful thoughts. My anxiety stemmed from thinking a scary word and then associating it with people. It then stemmed on to various other scary thoughts. What usually happens is I worry about thinking a scary thought and then I do. Then I worry that the thought will stay with me and then it does. Then when it does I get even more scared because I think I am awful. I know these thoughts mean nothing but when they leave, it’s like my mind decides to look for something else awful to think about. How to I break this cycle?

I had this 4 years ago and was fine for 2 years but it just came back there a while ago. I find it so difficult because I am a very sensitive person and even thinking anything bad upsets me. I know I can get out of this as I did the last time but I just wonder why it never bothered me during the 2 years and now Im suddenly terrified of every bad thought/word my mind thinks up. Its like my mind just grabs hold of any scary/irrational thought and makes me worry.

I want to laugh at these thoughts and not let them control me. But it can be difficult when they are always on my mind. Can you help?

Thank you very much,

Jen

Thanks, Sally, it is such a comfort to hear that. Can you or anybody give me some advice on something else, yesterday I went to my GP just to advise him of how I am feeling at that I am having a “blip” I said to him I am keen on not having my medication upped ( I am on 30mg of paroxetine) and that I have bought Pauls book etc. Maybe I was really hoping he would up my medication but he totally agreed with me and said that he didn’t want to up it as 30mg is a maintenance dose which will be balancing my serotonin levels so upping it would just act like a placebo. At first, I was ok with that but now I am thinking -” oh no, so has the medication worn off?”, “was it me that got me better before or was it the tablets? And if it was the tablets and they aren’t working anymore how am I ever going to get better?”. Can anyone relate to that? X

Caron

I look at it like this now…..

I have been on Venlafaxin 70mg for over a year now and I truly beleive it has done nothing at all for me because my mood changes so much and I never altered the meds.

I went to see my GP a couple of months ago about weening off this medication (although 4 months ago a phyciastrist wanded to double it!!!). He told me to half it every other day and see how I got on.

Now…. I tried this and when I felt bad days I put it down to meds and went back to 70mg instead of 35mg. But over the last couple of weeks I thought enough is enough.. be positive, go back onto 35mg and still at it and you know what… with the help from this site and Pauls book I have had no problems, in fact I would say I actually feel a little better. This is not to say I think everyone should come off meds, but I belive it again is an attitude thing and yet another crutch that you probably dont need. Lower your dose….. and don’t think about it “AT ALL” cos thinking about it is causing us the problem 🙂

Trust in yourself
Simon

Hi everyone,

Not sure if anyone remembers me. I haven’t posted in quite some time. I’ve actually been doing really well. Recently, however, I find myself in a setback…..the worst I’ve had in months. I began suffering about 18 months ago. I found Paul’s site a couple of months later, but it took me a long time to put his advice into practice. Sometimes I still struggle. I’m just wondering if anyone else can relate to what I struggle with. I feel like I don’t know how to just live my life. I think about everything before I do it…..anything that involves “normal” living. It could be something as simple as making dinner or watching tv. And when I do think about it, I feel like I shouldn’t do it because of this whole anxiety business. My mind tries to convince me that I shouldn’t do anything that would help me to get better. My anxiety rollercoaster began with a feeling and thought that something was wrong with me…..I had something to worry/be scared about, but I didn’t know what. So at that point, I stopped dead in my tracks and became terrified to do anything (and I mean anything!). Well slowly, I’ve gotten better. When I was doing really great for the past few months, I felt like I was living more in the moment. Just doing things without thinking so much. And if I was reminded of my anxiety or a thought came in trying to stop me from doing something, I was able to easily ignore it. Now, it doesn’t feel that easy. All the sudden, the anxiety has taken centre stage and I feel like I shouldn’t do things. I keep doing them, but the feelings have been really intense. They feel so real at times. When it’s like that, it feels really wrong to ignore them. Like I shouldn’t be ignoring them. The other main thing I struggle with is the nasty memories I’ve built up over the past 18 months (i.e. trips to the hospital scared out of my mind, antidepressants, thinking I was going completely insane, etc). Sometimes those memories send shivers down my spine! I just wonder if I’ll ever be able to get over that I got to that point and move on from it? If I will ever feel like it doesn’t matter. I’m very much a perfectionist and way too hard on myself (I’m sure many of you can relate!) and I just hate that this happened…..that I’m doing this to myself. When I was doing so much better, it was like my whole anxiety ordeal wasn’t that important. I still had some thoughts and feelings, but they just didn’t matter that much. I was able to brush them off easily and move on. Now it just feels like they’re getting my attention too much. Is that what recovery is? Making peace with the past and everything that you’ve gone through and just moving on? Basically allowing anxiety and all the bad memories to fade into the background? I guess I’m just looking for some reassurance. Any replies would be welcome! Take care all.

Hi Leslie, I can definitely relate to having memories and being scared of them! I suppose it’s a case of reminding ourselves that memories are just another form of thought and we don’t need to pay them much attention! Plus we got over them before so will again- meds or no meds!! Xx

scarlet, candy,Sasha or paul

just looking for a bit of reassurance guys in letting me know that im ok, and a bit of advice as well. the weirdness that i usually feel is at the highest its ever been, I just feel so horribly disconnected and not with it at all 24/7! I just feel like a robot going around having to act out my day, everything is just completely freaking me out! and I literally mean everything that comes to mind! my recent phase at the moment is feeling weird about ‘how we are feeling’, i.e feeling better or feeling worse. even if I do feel slightly better it’s like my mind automatically recognises it during the moment im feeling better and switches me back to ‘weird mode’! I know this is gonna sound nuts but it’s like my mind has a mind of its own! haha! it’s like it won’t allow me to feel anything else but this complete and utter strangeness/weirdness
plus im also experiencing a huge hyper-awareness of everything I do, especially speaking, like if someone is talking to me then I have to talk back it’s like im not controlling what im saying but I can just hear the words coming out( if that makes any sense! lol) and it completely freaks me out. plus if I am talking to someone, I can hear them and understand them fine, but it’s like I FEEL like I can’t make any sense of what they are saying like they are talking gibberish to me or something and it’s just so bloody weird!
plus im so aware of ME! everything I do, or any scenarios im in, its like im automatically wondering if its real or not real! I and everything around me just feels so strange and unreal! and what’s really disheartening is I can’t feel the love and joy I should feel for my family and friends! I say disheartening but it’s like I can’t even feel upset! like I said its like im a bloody robot just going through the motions!

just wondering if u guys experienced this kind of horror and what u did to get through it. many thanks, guys!

marc 🙂

Jen,

I am going through a similar situation, it has been my biggest obstacle with anxiety. I did well for about 6/7 months where I was getting very few odd thoughts, and it got to the point where I was getting none at all. Then I started getting them again due to a family situation I was going through, I started fearing anxiety and these thoughts again and sure enough, they came back.

I can tell you that FEAR is why they are back. Anxiety or not, we are all bound to get odd thoughts. I have spoken to family and close friends about my situation, and they laugh sometimes because they get odd thoughts too but they do not let it bother them.

I know me personally when I was doing well my attitude was much different from what it is now. I did not care if odd thoughts came, it got to the point where my first reaction to an odd thought naturally was to laugh and think ” I can’t believe I use to let these thoughts bother me”, but then I started being scared of them again and they came back. If ANYONE fears any kind of thought enough they would start worrying about it, not just us anxiety sufferers.

Hope this helps. My attitude is slowly changing again, I have been doing well the past couple days. I have been getting thoughts but have been just letting them flow, and they have been less powerful.

Hi there,

I am glad I found this website and maybe I can ask for some advice. I have suffered from anxiety since 3 years ago and it was getting better up until now. I had a baby 1 month ago and for some reason a week after giving birth I started feeling this weird sensation in my chest and throat…so I went to the ER and they diagnosed me with PVC’s, its been a month and they have not gone away. All I want to know is if anyone has had PVC’s due to anxiety or stress and have gotten rid of them… I really need help this is driving me crazy. Any advice will be appreciated

Nelly

Hi Everyone,

Reading some of these posts really do make sense and I totally agree that when in a bad way we use this as our comfort blanket and support mechanism – I don’t think that is a bad thing though? I mean sometimes where else do we get support?

So many posts ring true….i.e when we are anxious thoughts that would usually not bother us at all are so scary. I am contending with a new thought today but am telling myself (trying to) that it is just my anxious mind making it seem scary and trying not to pay it any respect. After all, I know I have recovered before and looked back on such thoughts and almost laughed to myself! However, being in an anxious state is just such a nightmare which is why I get impatient.

I read a bit in Pauls book last night which Jess mentions above – its the bit about it takes our minds to become tired and get into this state so it will take a while for them to become ‘untired’. I suppose we all want a time frame but that time frame depends on us and our acceptance. I hope I am making sense?

One thing I just want to ask – does anybody find the mornings the hardest? I often wake early, before my alarm with that awful feeling of dread in my stomach. Then driving to work is awful as I am so tired so struggle to keep my eyes open! Does anyone have any tips for the mornings or dealing with the ‘butterfly’ stomach?

Thanks
Caron
xx

Here’s an excerpt from a journal entry I did a few days ago, I really feel like I’ve finally “got it” after almost 2 years of struggling with anxiety, and at this time I wanted to write down exactly how I felt so I could remember it and what I was doing that made me feel so much better (usually the writing would be another way of trying to “quick fix” the anxiety in the past, but this time it felt like something huge had just happened, and I still feel great days after I wrote it, so I thought I’d share it). I think this would’ve been helpful to me so hopefully, it will be helpful to you guys too!

—-

Just going to sleep now, I’m not feeling barely any anxiety though I realized I had at least 50 or so thoughts about things that would’ve made me anxious otherwise, but so let’s see what happened physiologically.. and really I can feel that THIS IS THE WAY! I have felt so great, and it’s all a result of this… Ok, as for a description of what it feels like… so it feels like my mind is open, and whenever a thought comes, I just let it be there, and the thought, BY ITSELF, WITHOUT ANY INTERFERENCE OR EFFORT ON MY PART EXCEPT LETTING MY MIND BE OPEN AND NOT REJECTING IT BUT ALLOWING IT TO BE there, it simply comes in and out, and there’s a crucial moment where the thought is in my mind, and I could go and “latch” onto it and try to control it or (rationalize, justify, counter argue, debate) it rather than just letting it pass, but I always let it pass and then quickly (not to avoid anxiety though, at whatever speed is comfortable) shift my focus back to the present because there is no need to analyze the thought. Now I feel completely anxiety free, worry free. I may feel a slight feeling in my head that doesn’t even hurt much at all, barely anything, but that doesn’t bother me because it’s just a symptom that I’m letting be there, and a thought will come up that says “what if the headache is… blah blah blah” but I just let that thought be there too and keep my mind open and it comes in and goes away, so long as I don’t try to latch onto the thought or grasp it and focus on it. I think we really do this to ourselves, creating habits of questioning and analyzing thoughts. Then we get to this point where when we have a random thought, we get this HUGE feeling that we have to “manage” or justify/question the thought or else something bad will happen – I think that is the prime reason that it continues, that we latch on to them rather than letting them come and go.

Go toward your anxiety in the form of going towards things that make you anxious in the real world, but in your mind simply go on with your day or whatever you are doing WITHOUT stopping and questioning and that is what I call acceptance and not paying the anxiety any mind because you really aren’t, you are just going on with whatever you are doing, there is no need to try to accept the feelings or to go towards them in your own body, all you have to do is go on with what you’re doing regardless of how you feel.

What happens in my body is that I will get the anxious thought and then I will immediately just go back to whatever I was doing and feel those physical sensations of LIVING in THAT MOMENT, and that’s it, it’s – Anxious feeling – Nothing – Shift of focus back to the present moment/action; rinse and repeat.

NO RESPECT means barely stopping for even a moment to try to ‘fix’ it or to justify or question your anxiety, not paying them respect means just going on with your day as if they did not affect you at all, let them be there, but just pay them no mind and go on with your activity,

—-

I really want to stress that part about “not latching on” to any thoughts that make you feel anxious. For some reason this entire time I’ve had GAD I’ve felt that I had to question those thoughts, to do something about them, to justify or argue them or find out what they mean, but that simply is not true. I can have any thought in the entire world, and I don’t have to do ANYTHING about it, no justifications, rationalizing, or further thought needed. I don’t know, for some reason I was taught throughout my life that I always had to question them every single time they came up, but I finally realize I don’t, and my anxiety levels have really toned down because of this. Anyways, I hope this helped some of you, and thank you so much, Paul, for your fantastic book

Hi Jess,

You sound really nice so just wanted to ask you something. I get these awful words in my head and they scare me so much. It started because a word frightened me and now that word comes into my head all the time. I know it means nothing and try to let it live along side me but its so hard. My mind will not think of anything else and I am so scared. Is this normal at the begining that somthing would be on your mind always. I am so upset as I write this. I thought I was much stronger than this.

Sasha,

The feel the fear book wasn’t good. Anyhow you are in the last 5-10% or so, and got to accept that this dull feeling and one of not enjoying life will accompany you for a while yet. It will go when you are fed up of it to the point where you don’t let it rule your life any more. I’d say force yourself to interact as and when you can regardless if you can be bothered or not. Smile and pretend you are interested… worked for me for ages 🙂

Oh, and yes, self-doubt will be there till the end, until you fully grasp the concepts on here and believe that they work (the proof is in the pudding so they say). Then you will be recovered fully.

Just moved house to jbr a few days ago so am here briefly

Marc

yep, everything you say I went through… no worries, you aren’t off your rocker 😉 just get on with your day and let the odd feelings follow you and don’t pay them any mind… Promise you in time your normal emotions will come back.

Viktor,

“I have a question that will help me a lot if someone could answer it. These odd thoughts I have, are they the anxiety? or my worrying about them and letting them get to me the anxiety?
The thoughts are just random odd thoughts that I let bother me. They are not scary thoughts, just odd thoughts that often make no sense”

I’d say it’s the worrying that’s the anxiety, not the thought itself, it’s the reaction you are giving these odd thoughts. I can have an odd or troubling thought even now and I have learned to give it no reaction. You have to learn to do this as well. Try changing your reaction to the thought from one of fear to one of amusement or indifference if you can. This really works with practice. Did you ever get the RC book Stop Thinking Start Living…. fab little book.

No worries that you are having a setback, you just need to reinforce a few things that you learned. I had a major setback after one year into my recovery. Lasted ages as well, knocked me down to the ground again… but I picked myself up and here I am… this will be you too. Just follow all the advice that you have internalised already, and don’t pay heed to thoughts of this nature.

Back soon

I have been dealing with anxiety since January. Due to this site, especially Diana I am doing much better. I still have my moments but overall I am 95% better than I was earlier in the year.

Now, when I run, bike and lift weights I am totally engaged in what I am doing instead of thinking about how I feel. Even when I listen to my IPod while exercising I am listening to the music and taking it all in instead of concentrating on how I feel.

When I play with my two little girls I am listening to them and for the first time in a long time I am playing with them with such enjoyment I can’t describe. I am no longer focusing on me.

Keep your head up everyone, this is a process but it is all worth it.

Hi Leslie, I know you posted to Scarlet but thought I may be able to help …. When I have recovered before, once I started to accept how I was feeling I can’t actually remember how long exactly till I was 100% but I remember thinking after a few weeks – wow! And then being really proud of myself! I hope that helps……
Take care x

james i have just read your post and i can identify with what you are saying about the intense feeling of D/P and D/R i get this , i think i am coping and then i get the intensity of these feelings that makes me feel really horrible and i think oh god this is it im really losing the plot and that sets me off on the fear cycle . i am begining to accept these feelings now and say to myself oh well if im going mad so be it, these feelings are frightening but i now realise it is still just the anxiety and if i was going mad i wouldnt be worrying about how im feeling hope this helps .

Hey scarlet & Paul..

i just found a lot of answers now…to the way i feel from the very beginning not when i just fell into this pit..actually i used to wonder since my college days why i wasnt able to enjoy the things which my peers did enjoy like they led a very carefree life i was always uptight making sure that nothing goes wrong anywhere anytime as if.. if you dont ‘do’ something it will go wrong!!!…how can someone live like that? foreseeing each and everything and ‘planning’ and if some nasty thought arises u may tend to even prevent that…nonsense…but to unbelieve those random thoughts u need to ‘understand’ them as just ‘thoughts’

actually u know what.. i am happy that i went through all these hell lot of crappy feelings…i got the biggest REALISATION of my life..as noone can tell you whats wrong with your thinking neither can you find out for yourself…as i was always on the go with a tiring mind!!!…i used to get tired wherein my peers just do things randomly and they enjoy life..i used to get frustrated …never did i know what was wrong with me…

i used to get upset easily and i take care of others the same way thinking they too will get affected if i behave that way…
hence made my life a hell of tension !!!

seriously i need to REWIRE my brain …this ‘thought virus’ actually affected me since a very long time untill it broke down the entire system..still i am not sad……!its time i learn a lesson..but its so difficult as all i know is analyse and worry..!

when i want to do something dont know what all i take into account !!! which is not rquired at all making me indecisive, ineficient, scared and frustrated…and ultimatel self conscious..
i have to get rid of this self consciousness which has made me unable to enjoy any situations..rather than making myself do everythign carefully…
hell with it..

i dont want any appreciation from anyone…i just want to get motivation frm myself and just focus on what i do…and ultimately peace…
millions of thoughts run through my mind..even when i am aware(these days) that i am thinking i find it difficult to concentrate on what exactly i have to do..

for people like me 1% of DP will do good becuse then i can tink only ‘what’ is required not being conscious ofthe surroundings…h
each time i clear my mind..then begin making me believe what all i percieved is utter crap…i was so fed up last 2 days..hence these many confessions..i know the route but through habit i always tend to go the wrong way..!!!
take care all of u my dear friends..!!!

Hi Jess, you are so nice and supportive thank you. When you say a classroom of worries, do you stop dwelling on the word or thought and let it be there? I spend a lot of time worrying about what word or thought will come in. I am most fearful of the thought staying with me for a long time, I will do what you said and understand it’s a process, it’s so hard not to be afraid of the day. Thanks again.you sound like you are doing really well and from reading your posts before you seemed like you suffered a lot. I hope I can be like you. Jen

Jess, you really are an inspiration! x

Hi Leslie,

“Just a quick question for Scarlet (if you’re around!). When you talk about how long it took you to recover, are you saying that you suffered for a while before you started to grasp what was going on and started recovering?

Took me two years, the first year I walked around in the daze not believing that it was only anxiety/depression I had. Then I found online PND help, and then encountered Paul along the way who helped me enormously with the last few pieces of the jigsaw puzzle. The rest is history.

“What I mean is, when you talk about how long it took you to recover, are you counting from the time that you first started suffering or from the point when you actually started to accept?”

After hitting rock bottom, for me the time after that (i.e. climbing out of the pit) was recovery for me and this is what I refer to, although I can only see this in hindsight… whilst suffering I never realised I was recovering until around 90 percent or so.

Caron,
I had exactly the same thing and it is horrible and it floored me completely for a while. The worst thing that you can do is analyse what is happening because part of anxiety, for me anyway, is wanting perfection so that nothing goes wrong. As we all know, no relationship is perfect and when you try and analyse, you will find things you don’t particularly like or that you feel could be improved on, this is fine when you aren’t suffering from anxiety but your body and mind are in a heightened state ready to jump on any slight fear or worry. With anxiety you feel like there is something you have got to ‘put right’ or change. “if I do this or that, it will get better”. You are probably thinking that obviously your partner is the problem and so to fix it or get better you need to leave him. This isn’t true Caron. Deep down you know that you do not want to leave him but anxiety has taken over and you can’t stop the ‘what if’s’. What you need to do is to not try and push these thoughts away, don’t try and rationalise what you are thinking and don’t analyse them. Go about your everyday routine and carry on as normal. Let the thoughts do what they want, you don’t have to act on them and I promise you it will go. Anxiety picks on the things you fear most and, quite often, on the people you love most. How else will it survive? You will be absolutely fine x

Hi James I was once told that your nerves can do really funny things to you, from someone who had suffered in the past so no matter how your feeling even if you don’t hear somebody else having the same fears and feelings as yourself it is all anxiety I myself have weird and horrible feelings that I don’t hear other people talking about and I used to question it, now no matter how bad I feel I just tell myself that its the anxiety it’s hard and sometimes I feel that bad I find it hard to cope but I know im going to better in time we just need to accept every feeling and every fear I have suffered a lot of times with anxiety and really bad but I have always got better and I know now the way I have to go so I never let it blight my life again keep your chin up and know your not going to be like this forever

Hi Leslie, I know what you mean about almost feeling guilty to forget about how awful things were? It’s like we have to remind ourselves of just how horrible it is! As you recover though you do just simply forget until you are not thinking about it all and it really does fade x

Hi all,

Just wanted to say what an inspiration this site is and how much is it helping and reassuring me that I am not going mad and I can relate so much to what is posted on here, it’s such a relief to FINALLY discover I’m not the only one!!

Helen and Caron, I COMPLETELY relate to what you are saying. I have had obsessive anxious thoughts for the last 8 years, suffered so much I just thought this was the way I was. I no idea what they were about until I had a breakdown last November. It was awful, I had become so consumed by one thought that I couldn’t get out of bed and literally thought I was losing my mind. I told my partner everything and he was completely understanding and supportive I went to the doctor, started CBT, antidepressants etc (i had had therapy the year before which although good didn’t really help to adjust my thinking) anyway because I had no idea that my thoughts were anxiety-based and adrenalin finding an outlet. I still continued to pay them too much attention and constantly analyse how I felt and what I was thinking. So one thought was replaced by another and I have had exactly the same experience as you regarding thoughts about my partner. Some mornings the thoughts would be going round and round my head like a mantra then I’d look at him and I couldn’t connect the thoughts to the person I was seeing which was in some way a relief. I also know deep down I do not want to leave him-in fact it’s the last thing I want to do, like you Caron I live with my boyfriend and am hoping that we can build a really strong future together. It is my anxiety finding an outlet as all the numerous obsessive thoughts I’ve had over the years were. Helen, thanks for your wise words about perfection too. I think this is something I have suffered with for a long time too. It is anxiety always seeking out the worst-case scenario and trying to almost find evidence for that one thought. It is tough though as there is always the niggling doubt in the background but the more I read this blog the more I realise that this is memories of the past and habit at work. We’ve just got to trust in ourselves and like Paul, David says to let our mind and body heal.
Caron-we sound so similar! Sleep is a big issue for me I find myself waking up in the middle of the night and the thoughts beginning, the constant monitoring of how I feel etc. In the morning I’m shattered and in fact, was having a bad one until I started to write this today! I suppose all we can do is go with it, the butterflies etc and keep that little bit of hope above all that we will be ok and the knowledge that all it is is anxiety playing its tricks.
Stay strong everyone and once again thanks to you all for sharing on here it really has been the turning point for me discovering this blog.
Take care
Saraxxx

Hi Everybody – I love how positive this blog is and how helpful so many of you are! I’ve suffered with anxiety off and on my whole life. Was doing very well for many years, but through some ongoing stress and surgery earlier this year, began with the obsessive scary thoughts, anxiety, depression, etc. I think I am slowly beginning to get better, especially after reading Paul’s book, but notice the one area that is still hanging around is the depression. I think it’s from stress still ongoing and just exhaustion. I am hopeful that with continuing to accept and stop fighting it that this too will go away. Has anyone else experienced this and/or do you think that will help? Thanks!

Hi Caron,

I know you directed your question to Sara, but I just had to chime in and say “Go for it!” You are learning the tools to help you face any situation. A big part of recovery is to go toward each new situation and not run from it. This will help you to gain confidence in yourself. You can do it!

A friends mother passed away last week so I have had to take a break and help him sort things out.

Plenty of new people around, sorry not everyone’s questions can be answered, there are just too many sometimes for those that do offer advice to help everyone. With the blog beeen mentioned in the book it does seem to get far more visitors, but hopefully it stays personal enough where people can fine some extra help and support. I will try and pop on from time to time and pass on some advice when I have a bit more time, I often get asked to build websites for friends and family and I am very busy with these at the minute. I will though post some stories of success in my next post.

Hi Scarlet, I totally know how you feel- even if you have something good to do you think “well I won’t enjoy it because these thoughts will be here”. I think you just have to try and be strong with yourself and say so what if they’re there – they can’t harm me and I will enjoy myself! Does that make sense?

I had a good day yesterday but then some awful thoughts came on in the afternoon, more like paranoia- has anyone ever had this? X

Hi Lorry
Anxiety is a rollercoaster and we go up and down all the time{at least I do}.You are down at the moment and probably a bit depressed about your loss, a person without anxiety would feel sad at the loss of a family member.Don’t beat yourself up about how you feel reread Pauls book and I am sure you will be back on track before you know it. All the best Sally

Hi all,

Looking for some support from any of you who may have experienced something similar. A few weeks ago, I posted on a different thread about a problem I am having involving a ‘setback’. The trouble is that I’m worried it’s more than a setback, at least as we anxiety-sufferers seem to know them. I mentioned that the trouble began when I had some problems in the intimacy department with my partner. I just wasn’t in the mood and it managed to manifest into a full-blown panic attack. I attributed this to how I felt in my previous relationship, eight years ago, and how the lack of connection caused that relationship to come to an end. Then, I met my new man, had eight years of total love and support and admiration, and in one fell swoop, panic, dread and constant anxiety. As he has been my greatest support in the last eight years, I am having the added trouble of not being able to express myself fully since the trouble seems to have to do with our relationship. Or, does it?

I am very confused about all of this. I know that I love him, haven’t had any major relationship problems, but for some reason, the last three weeks have been horrid for me in terms of panic, anxiety and depression. Whenever I try to force myself to think of all the good things in our life together, including our daughter and home, I start to feel a rush of nasty adrenaline, which makes me think that all of these horrible sensations are indicating that I’m having an adverse reaction to him, which makes no logical sense to me at all.

I have suffered anxiety/panic for ten years now, and I was making wonderful progress, and yet, this incident has really brought me round to the beginning, and I’m feeling absolutely flattened and saddened by this. How can I be a good partner or mother when all I’m doing is dwelling on this? Why do I keep thinking that this means my relationship is doomed? Where on earth did all of this come from?

If anyone has gone through this, a loss of connection with loved ones, could you please let me know how to get through it? I am desperate to let go of these negative feelings, even though I know that logically I cannot force it. I just need some reassurance and perhaps some advice on how to cope.

Much appreciated,

Kat

Hi Everyone,
Been having a really good week, managed to talk to my partner about what’s been going on and that really did help. I still haven’t told him about some of the frightening thoughts I get from time to time but I have decided to talk to a therapist about how to do that. I went to my first session of therapy the other day, it went really well and I think it will help me understand why I sometimes get scary thoughts etc (very expensive though) Going to have to cut back on the clothes shopping!

Has anyone on here found that the thoughts come from an angry moment in the past which show in a state of anxiety? I personally think it doesn’t necessarily come from nowhere. for example, when I was a teenager I got very angry with my father( for a good reason) and had one bad thought about him at the time then nothing for many years. However, when I hit my twenties and had a bad experience the scary thoughts came flooding in so I do think if one is not happy with something or is holding emotions in or going through an intrusive or bad experience the thoughts develop( a symptom of Anxiety) Can anyone relate to this?

Hi Anon, Just had a read of your post. It sounds like because you are a big thinker and your mind tends to go over things a lot, the experience you had has really left you worried. Personally I think however hard it is you should tell your partner about that night otherwise it will stay on your mind for a long while and may return in the future. If I was me I would like to know, small mistakes happen in life, and it sounds from what you have said that it was very small. If you get it off your chest and be honest you should feel a lot better. Holding things in and keeping secrets will create an anxious person. Hope that helps and good luck. :0)

Hello Paul,
I’m not a native speaker, so please excuse my mistakes.

I suffer from Dp and anxiety for over a year now. I took ecstasy one time in my life and I was very worried after that if this had destroyed something in my head and I think all these worrying and my increasing self-awareness finally led into DP because it started more than one month AFTER I took the Ecstasy pill.

I found your site earlier but had doubts about the promise that I can recover and didn’t trust the information. Also, though my DP and anxiety were drug-induced, I thought I mainly had to work with my childhood traumas, because I was severely depreciated by my parents and also physically maltreated. But I think now, I’ve done a lot on this subject and have to work with the habits that have built up secondary and prevent me from recovery. A few days ago I had a really bad panic attack and in my desperation, I read this site again and decided to try what I read.

I already feel better, though of course still not like being healthy at all. I had the main struggle with some obsessive thoughts caused by my DP like “Maybe I don’t really exist” and “How strange it is, that I’m always caught in my body” and bullshit like this and it helps a lot just to let these thoughts come and not to take them too seriously.

I still got a struggle, because my disorder started with DP and anxiety was only following (after I smoked weed after a half-year when my DP was already better – bad idea – before I took ecstasy, weed, which I smoked from time to time, never did me any harm, but in my depersonalised condition it led into the worst feeling of panic I can imagine) and I read everywhere DP ist in most times chronicle – so I think “maybe I can overcome the anxiety, but never the DP”. But I try not to be impressed by this and cope with these pessimistic thoughts as I cope with the other frightening thoughts.

Thank you very much for this site!
Daphne

Hi girls, Thanks for your reply, I’m really trying but i feel like the fear is taking me over and i cant think of anything else.its the not thinking of anything else that scares me. I don’t want to think this way, the train analogy is good. I wish i could just have someone put their arms around me and make it ok.

Hi Jen,

Just reading your post made me want to reply to you as I can relate to those awful feelings of as if you’re losing your mind and feeling like you have nowhere to turn. But I can guarantee you as can everyone on this site that you are not alone. Don’t be scared by not thinking anything else..it’s normal you have anxiety, there is nothing wrong with you. Allow yourself to feel the fear nothing bad is going to happen. There is nothing wrong with not being able to think anything but these horrible thoughts, I have been (and still am) in exactly the same place but with more understanding, time and patience I promise you will see these thoughts for what they are which is just anxiety finding itself an outlet. Don’t try to think your way out of it, let the thoughts be there and let them shout. There is nothing to be afraid of they are just thoughts and you don’t have to pay them any respect whatsoever. It’s such a hard road recovery and anxiety is frightening and can grip you so hard sometimes, but with patience and time, it will get easier. Remember these thoughts are just your tired mind, they don’t mean a thing. Promise. I hope this helps Jen. xx

Kat and Candie, Have/had exactly the same thing. I am finally learning that it is the fact of paying far too much attention to an intrusive thought which is driven by anxiety which led me down this road. Kat, I hope you are doing better and Candie thank you very much for your brilliant and so true advice xx

Caron,

Nope, you won’t become paranoid schizophrenic with paranoid thoughts, they are part and parcel of anxiety. Like all other thoughts, you must give an indifferent emotion when a paranoid thought pops in and brush it off. eg. your thought that everyone knows you have anxiety and are waiting for you to crumble, let your internal dialogue say “so what, who cares what others think, let them think what they like” and obsess no more about the ins and outs of what others think. This takes practice but I promise you can do it with time…

To think that you are living in a dream, or on the Harry Truman show, is also quite normal when suffering anxiety, again brush thoughts like these off. You are most certainly NOT alone, anxiety is extremely common. I have spoken to loads of people since I have recovered and you’d be surprised how many folks suffer in silence.

I get such an icy, hot cold feeling through my upper back and tops of my arms and it drives me crazy. Does anyone else feel this? I think it’s depression, but the therapist I was seeing said it sounds like anxiety. Thanks for your thoughts.

Thanks Candie and Sara.

I have been totally levelled by this strange reaction I’m having and I have not been able to find much reassuring information about it. I can handle a panic attack when it has to do with most things, but the man I love? Where in the world did that come from?

My last relationship ended three years after I started having panic attacks. I withdrew from him because he didn’t understand what I was dealing with, and I suppose that on some level I blamed him, even if I wasn’t doing so consciously. I never felt the way about him I did before the panic happened, wasn’t able to reclaim the old sentiment, so this time I panicked right away because I am desperate to keep this relationship intact. This man has been so supportive and loving, and there’s very little about him I don’t like, so you can see why I’m sinking, feeling like I’ll never be able to think about him the way I always did before. I immediately went into ‘oh oh!’ mode, and have been terrified for about three weeks as a result. I’m having trouble separating the ‘bluff’ thoughts from reality, at times believing that things have fallen apart, which makes me unbelievably depressed, as you can imagine.

Thank you so much for your responses. This is the first time I’ve felt so alone in panic since it started ten years ago. I am actually upset with myself for not being able to control it like so many others are able to do. I worry that if I don’t get a handle on it soon, it will destroy my family. Very disheartening, and I’m really tired at the moment, but I hope things will get better soon.

Thank you again.

Hi Scarlet,

Just checking – you mention the Harry Truman Show. I meant the film The Truman Show – are we talking about the same thing? I think so but wanted to be sure! Sorry to be a pain!

How long have you been recovered now Scarlet?

Hope everyone is feeling ok today? I have an appointment with my GP today, not sure whether to increase my paroxetine – any thoughts?

x

ha ha, thanks Scarlet x

Hello James,

Thank you very much! I really think it was the constant worrying about and my feelings of guilt (how could I take drugs? there must be some kind of “punishment”) that finally brought me in this condition and it helps a lot to lose the doubts about this simple fact if you also tell me so. I was an anxious person before, though I haven’t had real panic attacks, so probably anxiety is really the main problem. For example, I often worried about HIV without having had a real risk.

As I felt after only a week a little ease I will go on to cope with the symptoms as I read it on this site. Most problems I still have in social situations, when I feel odd and anxious about what people might think about me. Although not really avoiding such situations (I knew before this is wrong) I was always trying to control the strange feelings and feelings of anxiety while holding a conversation. Now I understand that this is not possible and keeps the condition of DP and anxiety alive, and I changed my attitude and let the uncomfortable feelings come. Yesterday I had already one moment of relief in a social situation (a very difficult one for me – with the parents of my boyfriend – I always worry about there opinion about me), just one moment, but I will be patient and not look out for quick full recovery.

I told my therapist about this site and she said, that “this godman” seems to write some helpful things and I shall go on reading here 🙂 She will work with me on my self-confidence as this is another problem that is associated with my symptoms.

Daphne

Paul pr Candie

Wondered if this makes sense to you as I am now starting to get quite frustrated with it. I lack concentration and find it very difficult to remember things that are told to me and yet I have 2 very responsible jobs (of which I now believe I bluffed my way to getting) now of cause this is creating me more anxiety because I think I am not clever enough to get through this illness.

Last week I had a good week in which I did seem to brush off everything I felt and to a degree, I think I wasn’t bothered about my symptoms as much (still there but not thinking too deep) then all of a sudden the weekend came around and I started feeling low (very low) and when I get low I get despondent and cry a lot.

How can I sustain these good feelings for a while longer as they seem to come and go quite a lot but never have I felt good for more than a week at a time?

Just one other thing, I just started working three shifts after a year of just doing days and after which gave me a bit of a routine because I can be in bed for 10.30 most nights. but on nights I get home absolutely drained, but as soon as I hit the pillow that’s is, anxiety kicks in, my mind races and races and then I have to get up, so 2 to 3 days with no sleep at all is not helping me.

Oh and another for anyone, do you notice when you are thinking, you are doing lots of things. this sounds stupid i know but wondered if anyone else gets this. I can be concentrating on something(ish), thinking worried thoughts and singing a song in my head all at once… Now surely this is not right, how am I supposed to get to grips with this if everything is going on!!!

Hoping for some answers

Si

@ James

Thanks very much for that James, it does ease the pain to think it’s not just me. Yeh, people at work think I am fine but inside I sometimes feel so tense and stressed I wanna cry. However, the thing that I don’t understand (i suppose there is nothing to understand) is that I can feel anxious and stressed just listening to other people. I liken it to I actually feel so anxious and depressed that other people are going about life in such a way that I used too. Wouldn;t say I didn’t have a care in the world, but I didn’t have all the symptoms and lasck of sleep and constant battle with myself like I do now.

Like I said, last week I had probably one of my best weeks for a year, actually didn’t get too caught up on my thoughts and so the feelings eased, the sleeping felt better and although I did have to push myself to do things once I was doing them I was ok (ish)

I feel my major problem is that all the therapist’s I saw and I saw a few constantly tried to get me to work out why I was feeling like I did, telling me to look what changed that made me feel worse and tried to help me apply coping stratergies….. After reading Pauls book I honestly believe I was doing everything wrong, because I was doing all those things anyway… thinking thinking, working out, trying this and trying that… none of which helped. Yes I am alot better than I was when I first had my breakdown, but I realy hate the setbacks (they are such a dark place) and even thinking about setbacks brings on my sypmtoms – what hell.

the mind, such a wonderfull thing hey 🙂
Thnks

@Kat

Sorry to admit but Yes!!! I too have the same feelings as you, but I think deep down this is because we are so aware of ourselves and that is robbing us of our enjoyment for life. One of my thoughts of which is not so much of an issue for me anymore is that would I be better off alone? I then look at my late grandfather who died over 17 years ago and who was single for much of his life (a bit of a jack the lad I think) and wonder if I HAVE to be like him. I then take one look at my family and think… WHAT ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT, I have everything a man could want in life (which I don’t deserve – after an affair). Loving and such an understanding and patient wife, 3 fantastic healthy kids, a nice house, nice cars, 2 good jobs ….. BUT why am I still depressed and anxious? WHY…. because I am stuck in my own little world, feeling sorry for myself for not being the person I once was. I want that person back (not the one that hurt his family) but the one that can go about life without questioning every SINGLE thing going on.

If I am low, virtually everything causes tension and anxiousness, even sitting down at home, watching TV, reading a newspaper, looking at people and thinking why can’t I be like them (HAPPY)

Now is that normal, to feel anxious about anything – normal stuff?

Well I will probably answer my own question here and say YES, anxiety and adrenalin is doing this to me, but when I am low, god it’s hard to pull out and when I do pull out I dread the next low mood coming

Sorry if I have come across as negative, and if like me and your reading this then I’ve probably made you more anxious. SO I AM SORRY

But… I do believe that this method, when It actually clicks in is the only answer. The therapists just want you to keep searching for the answer, and like Paul said what answers?

Si

@Kat,

Were both alike when it comes to “Slow kid in class” I feel exactly the same way…. seem to keep reading and re-reading, just waiting for it to click. Because I do believe this method is the best and people on here have proved it. I have read all sorts of self-help stuff and have done nothing only remind myself I have an illness. This has become deeply engrained and now I have to live normal to become my old self.

I try not to want to get the old me back too quickly because this causes more anxiety, but at my very lowest I can never see the end.

Anyway, thanks for your reply and I am sure that the people on here that have been through this will hopefully shed a little more light on the matter.

As for your grandmother and you, I think we have to look at it that maybe she wasn’t given the help and advise that we are getting on here, perhaps she was given the advice about searching for what was causing her anxiety?

Searching doesn’t give us the peace we all want 🙂

Si

Hi Guys,

I am really disapointed as have had a good couple of days telling myself to just ‘be’ with how I feel and its not important!

However this schizophrenia thought keeps rearing its ugly head! I know its my anxious thought process bringing it on and say its just a thought etc but then think ‘but what if’ and start googling the symptoms and then testing myself to see if i have them or am waiting for them to come on. If I here a funny noise I ask people around me if they heard it too to check its not in my head! I am even scared to watch the telly tonight as i know one of the symptoms is you think the telly is sending you secret messages etc!!

I know I just need to let it be and accept it is just my anxious mind creating this thought but its the fear thats keeping it there. Another method I thought I could use would be to say’ so what if I am schizophrenic, I’m not dying so whatever’. Does anyone think this would be a good thing to do?

Any help would be appreciated guys

Thanks
Caron

Kat, I will answer the below in stages and tell you where you are going wrong.

KAT says: The thing I find unbearable is how I read something that reassures me, and then the next day, I’m a mess again!

The reassurance makes you feel better as you view how you feel in a different way for a while, your mood lifts through a better understanding and you see a little light at the end of the tunnel. This is the same for everyone, but it does not last long as the return of symptoms have you thinking ‘Oh here we go again’ and then the mood goes dark again, we feel sorry for ourselves, understand that this will happen, don’t see it as unbearable. Anxiety loves you to hate it, to hide away, to feel sorry for yourself. You have to think ‘I am so emotionally and physically spent due to my anxiety, to feel this way is not nice, but normal in the circumstances’ whist you still hate/complain about the way you feel, you have not for one minute allowed yourself to feel this way.

Clearly, the lessons are not getting through, and I feel awful admitting that. My latest pattern seems to be this: wake up feeling dread, drag myself off to work, come home feeling exhausted, feeling the dread again upon entering the house to see my husband and child, withdraw because I’m on the verge of tears, mindlessly eat dinner, shower, try to talk to my husband about my feelings in a way he hasn’t heard before (which is hard since I seem to be feeling dread about him, and I know it isn’t fair), and then I fall into bed, on the verge of tears, wondering if my life is going to fall apart.

You will wake and feel full of dread, this will not go overnight, you will come home and feel emotionless when eating your dinner, this is sending you to the verge of tears, you hate every minute, wonder why, go to bed questioning it all, wondering when it will ever end and rinse and repeat the day after. Again not for one minute have you allowed yourself to feel this way, you must allow yourself to feel dread, allow yourself to feel emotionless, don’t fill yourself with self-pity or question why. You don’t have to plaster a smile on your face, just live alongside how you feel for the time being.

Your mind and body need a break from this onslaught of worry and self-pity. I felt exactly the same as you and cried a few tears, but I accepted this was going to be part of me for a while and I just had to get on with my day, feeling awful or not, what my mind and body did not need was me constantly questioning it all, worrying about it, getting frustrated, filling myself with self-pity. I felt emotionless and empty for a while after, felt the feelings of dread, but in time I began to feel emotions again, not as anxious, my mind was clearer. The only reason why is because my body had a break, a chance to regain its balance. If I had to go through it all again tomorrow I would know exactly what to do. I would wake and feel awful, full of dread, but understand I would feel this way, this was normal in the circumstances. I would come home and cook the tea on autopilot, yes my mind is exhausted and I have just spent so much time on me, this will pass in time. I would then go to bed and feel empty, I would understand I am just running on empty at the moment and just shut my eyes and go to sleep, I would not feel sorry for myself or question the whole day. Trust me it is your desperation to get better that is holding you back here, you are putting so much extra pressure on yourself to feel better.

To be clear, my husband has done nothing to me to merit the sudden adverse reaction I’m having. I do not understand where this is all coming from, and I wonder if it’s essential that I know. Is it more important to just try to cope with the feelings?

Most people when they look back will see that there has been some worry’s or a build-up of stress that had them feeling this way, but now you have so much more stress and worry and that is the worry and stress of how you are feeling, this is what keeps you in the cycle, nothing else. There is no need to cope with the feelings, just try to see them in a different light, I don’t mean you have to like the way you feel, but just give in to it.

I am so sad, I guess is the word, because I was overwhelmingly in love with him for the past eight years, and to suddenly have my emotions seized by anxiety makes me very, very sad. All I want is to feel like I did before, and my thoughts keep coming in waves, things like ‘Oh, the love is over for good’ or ‘You probably don’t love him anymore and will never be happy’, and I feel supremely cheated, gutted even.

These thoughts are just anxiety-based and you question because you cannot feel emotions anymore, these emotions come back in time and you will feel exactly the same love, trust me on that. Your body shuts down your emotions to cope with all the worry and stress, it was not built to take it all. Also, all the self-pity builds up and depletes you emotionally and you feel so down and empty, all this comes back in time.

He has been very supportive about all of this, and I’ve been as honest as possible because I trust that he’s wise enough to understand that I am really grappling here and not trying to hurt his feelings or make him feel insecure. He tells me that it’s okay, that he knows I love him and that this is just anxiety talking, but the trouble is that I don’t know anyone else who has gone through this, or at least, they’re not talking about it, and I’m really, really desperate to fix it.

You know hundreds of people who are going through this, how many are on here? Please don’t see yourself as a victim, you are going through what millions of others have. Many people know what field I work in and they then feel they can confide in me and tell me they once felt this way or their mother or brother suffers, it is very, very common. Your husband has a great outlook and says to you ‘It is just the anxiety talking’ and he is so right, you are still the same person, you are just buried under symptoms at the moment, the old you will return, but you must allow it to. DON’T be desperate to fix it, this is really holding you back, just live alongside how you feel, for now, I put this statement in a post above and it is so true and try and let it be your new outlook

You must make anxiety your friend in order for you “both” to live in peaceful harmony.

Or your anxiety would say

‘Kat I am going to be around for a while, so we may as well get on’

So Kat please, just get up and what the day brings it brings, some may be awful, some may be better, but just roll with the punches, don’t feel the need to work it all out( this will just tire your mind further and have you on you even more), don’t feel the need to fix it (time will do that), don’t fill yourself with self-pity (this drains you emotionally) don’t let it frustrate you so much(this just adds to your anxiety) just try and change your attitude towards how you feel and you will begin to see changes, lose the desperation to be better and be happy with progress, don’t demand to feel a certain way or look back and count the days to check how you are doing, give your body and mind as much space as it needs.

I will say it again ‘I was stuck in exactly the same hole you are in now, I never moved forward until I changed my attitude and approach and did what I say above and I was worse than anyone I have ever helped’.

Paul

Hi everyone, its T :)!I am sure some people remember me because I was a regular poster here from November 2009 to April. Those months were pure hell to me. Everything started on the 5th of November 2009 with panic attack depersonalisation and it was the worst time of my life. I haven’t posted here I think, since April. So let me tell you about what happened.

During the winter I was absolutely awful as some of you might remember, I was posting here almost every day with a new problem and new fear, couldn’t even get out of the house, dropped out of college, I was in my own head 24/7, was looking at anxiety websites all day, DP, derealization, visits to ER for panic attack (when they had to give me an injection to calm me), the weirdest, bizarre thoughts, feelings imaginable, went to a psychiatrist but it didn’t help a lot, bought Pauls book which helped a lot. I realized I MUST CONTINUE my life NO MATTER WHAT. This is the thought that helped me and pushed me to go forward. There is no third way, You can keep living or you could die and OF COURSE, none of us wants to die, it’s our worst fear, so the ONLY thing I can do is just KEEP LIVING my life the way I lived it before. Life, the reality ( had so many scary thought about this) haven’t changed, the only thing that changed were my thoughts. So that’s what I did. I kept living no matter how miserable, awful, scared I felt and I still hoped that one day I will be better. I started to take a course in Spanish language, took driving lessons, started going out a bit ( force myself to go actually), then I did the best thing I could have done and started to look for a job. In June I started working at the airport as a ground stewardess and at first, it was tough and my first day was horrible and I was crying when I got home from work, was so anxious and felt so weird, but I didn’t want to give up so I stayed and it started to be amazing. I met so many great people, new friends, the job was interesting and my life became a lot more interesting and that got me out of my head. I even met a guy there I liked, and he liked me, so now HE was in my thoughts and head most of the time which was a great change:) I still had anxiety, weird thoughts, feeling sometimes, had a small panic attack at the job, but all that was happening less and less, and I remember one day thinking about everything that happened and the state I was in during the winter and I just couldn’t understand how could I ever felt that way and think that way, now that everything was so clear and back to normal! I remember, I realized I was better when it was the middle of July and 5th of July has passed and I didn’t even think that it was 7 months since I started suffering. (because when I was at my worst, every 5th of the month I would calculate how many months I was suffering )and when 5th of July has come and passed and I didn’t even think about “monthly anxiety anniversarY” I knew I was better. And I knew I was better when one day I woke up and was feeling kinda down and tired but I didn’t question it why I felt that way, I just let it be, and tomorrow I was in good spirits again!:) I think this will show to all of you that feel very bad right now, that things CAN and Do get better, trust me, I feared I am the worst and that I will never, ever be better but deep down I did always have just a little bit of hope that things will work out for me.

Well, now I must be negative again because, since first of November I don’t work there anymore because that was just a job during the summer and season, from June to November, my contract expired. And now, here I am, again, it’s November, it’s cold, dark at 5 o clock, I don’t have anything to do and the worst thing is that ALL the memories from last year are now haunting me more than ever and I just keep thinking and reminiscing about all that happened and that makes me so scared that I will surely slip again in that dark hole and place I was one year ago. I just want to let you all know how I was doing ( in case anyone was wondering, lol), to let other people know that life goes on and there is a Sun after the rain, and, I guess to find a bit of reassurance and advice what to do now when I am feeling like this when the memories are so hard and strong, they are making me feel a bit panicky and worried… big hug to all of you brave and amazing people, you are not alone:) and I hope I get some feedback!

Kat just so you know you are not alone this was one of my major obsessions and has now gone as I have found something else to obsess over. Just shows what a bluff it all is. Anxiety tries to get you in many ways. Have a so-what attitude and things start to improve. If a thought about your husband enters your head say ‘thanks for coming stay as long as you want I don’t care’. Do not give it the time of day it is only there because you gave it attention in the first place. IT IS NOT TRYING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING!!! Your mind does not know fact from fiction it only reacts to what you are sending it. You do not need to question it analyze it or do whatever. Thank it for coming and carry on. So what if you feel yucky for awhile your mind is tired this is expected. IT will pass give it time though.
xxxxx
Rach

I found a lot of information on ROCD a type of relationship OCD. ‘Do I love him do I not. It was reassuring to know that is was quite common and Claire Weekes even mentions it in her book. Don’t let the OCD label scare you though it is all anxiety that is all. Also, I did not find the forums on this at all helpful as they just told stories. The information from people who had recovered from this use the same methods PAUl uses. It does not matter what your obsession is it all needs to be treated the same. With the right attitude, you will come through this. I had done the same in all my relationships too but with my husband now I was determined not to let it ruin what we have. I see it for what it is not just my tired mind tricking me. Searching for information on it is not helpful trust in Paul, Candie and I when we say you can move through it. Think forwards and that is where you will go.
xxxx
RAch

Kat helping people gives me massive satisfaction and you know the biggest motivation ‘I would have give my right arm for someone to help and guide me all those years ago, I felt so alone, lost and so dreadful’ and I truly don’t want anyone to go through what I did, the sooner they have some information and understanding, the sooner they can begin to turn their life around. I am also just one of many who now advise on here, people like Scarlet, Candie, Diana and others do it for no gain, but just to help others. These people are vital to keep the blog going as with the growth it is too big for one person to try and help everyone.

Hi jane, the stomach churning is definitely a symptom of anxiety – and not a nice one! I have it for most of the time and wake early with it. It’s nothing to worry about but I know it’s uncomfortable. Hope this helpsx

Hi Natalie,
Bad days make the good ones even better x

hi Natalie

I think you are doing so well going back to work.I remember your earlier posts with fear and confusion about going back to work and now look what you have achieved.this is another step of your recovery you have got to continue with the acceptance of sometimes horrible spaced out days that is so necessary with anxiety recovery.I hope that you will start having more good days.

hi

Does anyone ever feel that weekends are difficult to get thru? When I am at work mon-Fri I can function – work is v busy but at least I don’t ruminate. once the weekend starts, then BAM all sort of thoughts come in. I have come to dread the weekend. I try to find things to keep myself occupied but it’s hard – as before when I get anxiety I would just use the weekend to relax.

now I find I can’t do this anymore at this stage when I am recovering from anxiety.

T, I can relate to you. I think the one thing that has helped me is going back to work and finding a job that I like as well as the company and its staff. work helps. it keeps you from thinking too much and also helps cos it forces you to mix with ppl. I think you shd find another job soon – and I know that you will be ok. you have come so far! I know I have altho I do backslide once in a while.

Scarlet, I posted a question a while back and I hope you can advise me. lately, I am fearful that stress at my workplace would bring back some if not all of my anxiety symptoms. I KNOW this is anxiety talking but I can’t help but fear it. any advice that you can share will be appreciated. I still get low moods but am learning (not always successfully) to accept them.

anyone’s advice is also appreciated.

Ian,

You said “I find it really difficult to engage in anything to distract myself –”

I had and am still having this problem too. Just have no interest in finding things to engage in anything to distract me.

let me share my experiences with you. when I first had anxiety last year, I struggled thru work -I don’t like my office or my work there but I forced myself to lunch with my colleagues, to talk to them at work. it feels like shite in the beginning but slowly very slowly I can see some improvements- actually only realised it months down the road. you never actually realise that you are improving at that moment, it’s always later that you see it. I have since left that job into a new job which I really love but which is getting stressful. so I am now having negative thoughts abt my work lately it’s “what if stress drives me back to anxiety’, ‘what if my colleagues can sense something wrong with me’. sometimes I can say ‘so what??” sometimes I can’t.

What Helen has said above makes a lot of sense. it’s not abt distracting yourself so you STOP thinking, it’s to let THEM IN but not take them further. not easy to do, i am tell you – am still learning.

what i want to say is keep doing what you are doing now at work, cos honestly it will get better.

Hello T!
I remember You very well, as You said You were posting every day, sometimes even more than once. 🙂 I’m very glad You have come so far in such a short period of time because I think from where you were a year ago and what You have achieved during this year is amazing. This is normal T, from time to time to embers the past sufferings, especially if you have suffered enormously one year ago, but as with time flow this will be just memory without any emotion, nothing more. I have so many episodes of this kind, but I’ve come through every time, with the same attitude, so please do not engage into a mental battle once again, let the feelings, emotions, thoughts to flow, but not get ruminating about them. There will come much better days and with every episode, you will become much stronger.

hope I made sense

Hi T Glad to see your ok, I think the memory of suffering is last to go, you have to not care if it comes back because you know it’s not permanent and you can cope and accept it. This past month I’ve seen major improvements with my anxiety, I just know now any of the symptoms can come and I really just don’t care! Paul once said you are recovered when you no longer care about the symptoms, my thought back then to that was ‘how can that be, these awful thoughts and feelings are still there’. Now I see clearly as they are no longer scary awful thoughts or feelings to me, just symptoms. I think for me it took me so long to recover as I was overlooking what I was told here, thinking these people don’t understand how bad my anxiety is- thinking I was unique! Of course, I can see now I never was, and I suppose now im in the same position as those recovered… im no longer scared to experience any of it. I think when you get to that stage it slips from your mental radar and you move on

Very good advice Helen and from someone who has totally got it and come through. When people come on and say what got them through, it was not unique to them, all our body’s work the same, it is their approach that was different to the one who still finds themselves stuck in a rut.

What people sometimes mean when they say ‘I don’t get it yet, this is not working for me’ it means they have not unravelled the answer to make it all go away and it is never about that.

Someone also mentioned ‘Paul’s method’ it is not really a method, it is how your mind and body works and responds. If you analyse the hell out of your anxiety, analyse why you think a certain way, analyse your thoughts, go round and round in your mind looking for answers, of course, you will sink deeper, as you will tire your mind out further, making it feel more and more clogged up, it will feel more and more dull and unresponsive, more and more fatigued. If you keep analysing the way you think, how you feel, how you were yesterday, of course, you will feel more and more detached, more and more self-aware, more and more trapped in your own mind, it makes sense, it’s not a method, it’s how your mind and body works.

One lady sent me an email and said ‘Paul everything was racing away today, the thoughts, internal fears, I felt detached and very self-aware, but today I did not question, I did not try and fix it, I just went with all the craziness and felt a little peace, you are so right and I have learnt I don’t have to analyse the hell out of this anymore’. That same woman is now fully recovered. It took her some time, but she had finally understood and went through it all, not trying to jump over or walk around it, she went straight through it, felt everything at will and just went about her day, sometimes she said it was hellish, but she kept going, however, she felt. It is when the feeling good or bad loses its importance that we really start to move forward.

Paul…

Sorry this was meant to say

My mind is very negative, but what she said about, you driving, going to work ect is a positive and the road to recovery. I can never seem to find anything POSITIVE (not negative) in myself… WHY? because I know I am searching to be the person I was. Instead of just letting things be I am constantly thinking of things to distract me, things to make me better when what I should be doing is JUST DOING.

Didn’t want to confuse you as much as I have myself. But does the advise I have given myself still count 🙂

Thanks Pal

Dear Candie,

I would really appreciate if you could advise me. I am still absolutely terrified of the thoughts and words in my head. I am doing everything normally (I think) but my head feels like sometimes it will explode. Is it normal for the thoughts/words to be there a lot of the time-like racing and going over and over again? That’s what scares me the most is the racing aspect. I get very frustrated at times. I am not sure how to begin to break this habit and want to be able to dismiss these. But every time they come in they just race again so it’s hard to dismiss them. They are such awful words and thoughts that are hard to ignore. Im mind is so tired at the moment, I have lost s much weight and am very thin already. I want to be healthy but I need to know where to start. If these thoughts come in do I let them race and shout? When they do I get scared- How do I break this habit and not be frightened? Once I have a starting point, know I will be fine.

Thank you

Hi Si,
Yes, I can totally relate to what you said in your earlier post. It feels terrible, when you are feeling so low, to push hard to do normal everyday living that comes so easily to others. But you are winning, you are doing them even when anxiety puts all it’s pressure on you when you are feeling so low that you don’t want to get out of bed, you don’t want to talk to people because you know what an effort it is going to be. Keep on doing it, keep pushing on through, let the thoughts and feelings hang around whilst you are doing them and slowly you won’t have to push as hard. It is brilliant that you are pushing because this means that you aren’t giving up but don’t put pressure on yourself, don’t give yourself a deadline to get better, don’t wish that this would all go away because it will. Keep on with your every day living and live with anxiety until one day when you realise that it isn’t there anymore.

All the best
Helen

Jen, honestly it is normal- I had the same thoughts every second of the day, in the end, I thought I thought sod it! Decided I would allow myself to think them, even made myself think them on purpose- the first step to losing fear is simply every time they pop in been ok with that. Telling yourself adrenalin causes us to think worst-case scenario stuff and a tired mind causes the repetitive nature- almost like a broken record. They do go away, over time and you won’t even notice them go as you get that used to allowing them they gradually just go.

Hey guys, hope you are all having a good day? I have been practising the method of ‘whatever, it’s just my anxiety creating bad thoughts’. It is definitely starting to work but I just need some reassurance with something if anyone would mind?

It’s really hard to explain but I’ll try! Sometimes I think of things and they come true, for example, one of my best friends sadly had a miscarriage in the summer. Obviously that is tragic but luckily she fell pregnant again. When she told me she was pregnant again I was, of course, pleased but also had the thought ‘oh what if it happens again’. Low and behold yesterday she lost it again :-(. I am absolutely gutted for her but then I also started thinking – ‘that’s a thought I had that came True- therefore what if all my other scary thoughts I have been having recently are true or are gonna come true’. just as I write this I have just had another thought ‘what if she miscarried because I thought it!!’.

Does that make sense? Can anyone relate to that? Or at least reassure me it’s just another anxiety trick? X

Dear all,

Many thanks for sharing your experiences. I’ve been crying and grinning for the last few hours after finding this blog as each new wave of recognition hit me with the knowledge that what I’ve been suffering is not unique, but common and even curable. My anxiety has dominated my life for several years now. I’ve been prescribed Prozac, Citalopram and various others, tried hypnotherapy, psychotherapy, counselling…but they all seemed to exaggerate the danger, the apprehension, the importance, the magnitude of the anxiety to the point where I had a nervous breakdown and have been a shadow of my former self for the past two years. I used to be strong, take things on the chin and face up to stuff. I work in a UK university where work pressures can be intense, but it was becoming Head of Department and being so hamstrung by bureaucracy and institutionalised fear of conflict that I became unable to deal with problems correctly. Instead, everything seemed to fester, in reality, and inside my head. After three years I just collapsed. My marriage too, although I’ve since reclaimed that, thank god!
Now I’ve been several years fighting day in and day out to try and keep my fears in place, trying to find a way to cope and even hoping that there might be a cure. I swore off Prozac and am trying exercise, although mental exhaustion sometimes impedes it. And after reading all your posts I’m going to keep coming back for more – the feeling of finding fellow sufferers who have objectivity about what is happening to them is exhilarating. And I’m going to buy the book from the website that led me here. Today feels like it might be a good day, even though I’m crying as I type this.

Having spent most of the day reading the archives I’m already beginning to understand things at last – so much of what is written on here makes sense. I mean the REAL lived-through sense that I’m able to recognise as adding up to a possible coping strategy. I’ve had counsellors wanting me to get angry at my parents, hypnotists having me battle cartoon characters, doctors prescribing one kind of pill after another…nothing worked because it was all about intensifying and so exacerbating the focus on the anxiety – ‘worrying about worrying’ I’ve learned it’s called. Well, I’m more than willing to try something new, have ordered Paul’s book, and hope I can drop by for advice and support on occasion, maybe even get to the stage where I can offer it myself. Thanks, Paul and all for the genuine pick-me-up. I hope you know how invaluable your contributions to this site are to people like me.

Hi Yolande,
When you feel fear for no apparent reason it is horrible. Your body does what it is supposed to and adrenelin is produced to help you cope and you then have the ‘fight or flight’ scenario but with anxiety you are stuck as there is nothing to actually fight and nothing to run away from.
You are right, it won’t stay forever and the way that you can make sure it doesn’t is to try and remember that when you feel the fear don’t try and work it out, don’t analyse it.
It is very difficult to feel fear and just let it be there but it will go if you don’t react to it.

All the best
Helen

sorry pressed enter too soon.

I realized months ago this is a process. I still have anxiety at times but know it is just adrenaline and move on with my day. Believe me there is hope.

Thank you Paul, Diana and Candie.

Hi Kat,

When a large part of your anxiety is based around your partner you become very alert to everything you feel about them. When you have a good day like you did yesterday you feel great and don’t question it because why should you? It is a great positive feeling. But then when something annoys you as it always happens in every relationship you pick up on it because this isn’t a good feeling and then anxiety picks up on it. You may then wonder why he is annoying you so much, what does it mean? And then at some level, you may be blaming him for you feeling like this and then you start to think some more trying to figure it all out. You are obviously concerned about it as you are questioning why you don’t feel remorseful.

You are on the road to recovery but what you need is patience, with yourself and with your partner. You will have good days like yesterday or worse days like today. Keep communication with your partner open and honest so that he knows what you are going through is a recovery and it is hard, very hard. Keeping communication open is important so that you both know that feelings aren’t meant to be hurt.
It is very hard to go through anxiety and to also take care of the ones you love but you will get there. This is your road to recovery, don’t question the good days and especially not the bad ones.

All the best
Helen

Thank you, Helen.

I hope you are right (and I suspect you are), and I will do my best to weather this. I have trouble with separating my true feelings from anxiety, and even though I’ve actually cried with relief over how similar others’ symptoms are to my own, there’s still a little part of me that believes that I am the exception, as ridiculous at that may seem. I have always been a ‘nervous person’, and I honestly can’t remember a time in my life where nervousness didn’t play a central role in any given day. Though the panic is only ten years in, I can honestly say that I’ve been a worrier since birth and I wonder if I’ll ever be any different.

Perhaps part of this supreme frustration. It makes me sad and angry at the same time to think of all the things in my life I have given up/walked away from because I didn’t understand my emotions. I did as you suggested and had another long conversation with him (I worry he’s tiring of this, but he smiled and listened to me anyway), and tried to explain my anger. He asked if I felt that the anger/irritation was a serious issue for me, if it meant I was considering harming myself or him or someone else. I said no, because it never occurred to me that I would ever want to do that, but instead tried to explain it as an engine that won’t stop revving. That’s what it feels like, until the adrenaline begins to pulse through me, at which point I feel like collapsing into a fit of tears. The worst part of trying to talk to him is finding myself unable to explain any of it. Though he listens, and often gives sage advice, I still come away from it all feeling a bit lost and worse for the wear. Keeping positive, as you might imagine, has been my greatest challenge.

Thanks for the wonderful advice, though. I will do my best to accept my feelings and shall continue to hope and pray for success!

Hi Kat and everyone,

As you’ve probably seen from above posts I’ve had exactly the same thoughts and worries about my partner BUT I had forgotten about the fact they were the exact same type of thoughts I had been having for 10 years or so about a whole host of random, awful and frightening situations. I am so glad someone posted this topic on the blog because it goes to show just how many of us have these scary intense thoughts BUT how much of it is truly down to our anxious minds. Kat, please don’t think you are alone in this or that there is any reality in these thoughts. I have had (and still have at times!) that irritability and annoyance with my partner (it’s pretty natural no one is perfect! ;)) but I think Sasha and Helen’s advice and lived in experience speaks volumes as to what it is all about. My anxieties about this one thought started a year ago and really took hold about 6 months ago. Do you know what though..after following the advice on this website and blog I really feel like I am beginning to make some slow steps and headway? Yes I still get thoughts that run through my head, trying to make me believe in them, yes I wake up early and immediately begin to suss out how I am feeling, sometimes I feel down for no reason, sometimes I get a shot of adrenalin surging through me but the more I tell myself that I know this is just anxiety and I have suffered for so long it’s habit etc the more I am starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel. I know it may be a difficult journey but over the past six months or so I have seen some small but noticeable changes in the way I view anxiety. I am starting to not be afraid of the thoughts anymore and that is making a real difference.
Kat, I know it’s difficult to believe but the lived in experience on this blog tells us how much of this is anxiety playing its tricks. There’s nothing to be frightened of whatsoever. It feels natural to try and control the situation and your mind but the more we try to do that the less we are allowing our minds and bodies to heal.
take care
Sara xx

Hi.

Good day on Friday following the supportive comments here (like a belief thing happened), but a bad weekend. Like the ‘thinking about thinking’ decends (soon after waking – or it seems before) and I can’t escape. Went for a cycle with my friend on Saturday but my mind seemed to be constantly wanting to think about all sorts of things and I found it really hard to concentrate on talking to my friend. It was frightening, it was like the pull of my thoughts, to think about my thoughts, dig them up even, to analyse literally stops me living. Keep looking, in my head, for what to do to stop this, to be able to just live. This is the rub, not an ‘anxious thought’ more a process of thinking that somehow seems inescapable and debilitating.

On partners, mine has been incredibly, incredibly supportive – and I’ve suffered anxiety to some extent for our entire relationship. However this weekend she was quite upset, and finally admitted that she feels really, really lonely at present. I can totally see that – I spend most of the time (last few months) literally locked in my own thoughts, barely communicating, not doing things. The fear of the impact of this made me get out and talk/do more at least.

Good Morning Paul and Scarlet,

Well I think I had a little “aha” moment over the weekend. Something kind of clicked in my head and I realized that all that I am running from is a feeling! THATS ALL IT IS! I was being bluffed by my anxious mind in assuming that danger and certain collapse is right around the corner at all times! I believed my thoughts, I searched for the cures, I constantly monitored and tried to get rid of this awful thing! Well gues what, I cant get rid of it until I stop trying to rid myself of it!! What a paradox! So this weekend, I adopted the attitude of if it comes, it comes, but I am not going to search for it, nor try to get rid of it if it does. Funny thing happened that I was the most relaxed I have been in quite a while. I know that I am not out of the woods yet, but it was a much needed boost to my self esteem and self confidence! What a great weekend! I’m at work now and am working with maintaining that attitude! Trying to just stay in the now, not trying to rush time to get out of here, counting down the minutes……just being here in the moment. I think I can become a much stronger person from this! I’m ready for some more bad days, because thats how we get our practice with our new attitude and tools to just let it be!! BRING IT ANXIETY! You are losing your grip on me!!!!!!

Hey Eileen,

I’m still recovering, but I think I know enough about what you are saying to advise a little. The tension in the neck, shoulders and headaches are all part of anxiety. They are symptoms and quite common areas where we all carry anxiety. They can be draining and bothersome, but they will pass when we lose focus on them. I have felt all of those before and when I just let them be, they tend to pass and aren’t as bothersome. Sometimes after a good workout, I’ll do some breathing and breath “light” into the muscles that ache to help relax them. Its quite normal. Even people who are not going through recovery, my mom, for instance, carries her stress in her shoulders. She takes long baths to help soothe. Hope that helps a little.

Hi Helen

”I, like you, have been like this since being a child, a worrier, very observant of everything around me so that I can see trouble coming and for a while, I felt sad when I realised that if I hadn’t been this way then what could I have achieved?

Now that I am recovered I realise that if I hadn’t been that person and the person that I still am I wouldn’t have the wonderful things in my life that I do only now I enjoy them much more as I don’t always have the underlying fear that I always had.”

I do agree to this a lot..even I had been like this since I was a child…always cautious and careful..trying to get rid of anything that sounds trouble never had I confronted them in my life till I got into this. my life had always been easy and I loved my life..but only when I fell into this pit had I realised why things have started going wrong for me..as I couldn’t sustain in a difficult environment…

but as u said I REALISE now that I HAVE TO confront what I am fearing and not avoid anything or else I will never be ever able to live my life fully..now its a NEED..before I never realised as I always had a very secured life..its time I become independent and decisive and to believe in myself above all…

I am ready to feel any amount of discomfort just to live my life without any fear…i am going to go ahead if I feel something is stopping me…actually, it’s only the ‘thoughts’ that are stopping but since their so powerful it’s hard at times to be in the present moment…

Happy for you that you’ve gone all your way to see the light at the end of your journey…

Hi, anybody using 5htp, st John wort, or rodilo rosea Or natural products instead of anti depressants? Really want to come of anti depressant but still feel awful all the time so am a little bit scared, so just seeing can anybody compare any difference using herbal products to anti depressants etc. Cheers

Hi Candie,

Thanks for your reply. Is there anyway I could e-mail you personally? I dont know if I can cope with the bad thoughts there every second?
Jen

Hi Lisa H,

Just in response to your comment.

Doctors will always argue that depression is a chemical imbalance as this is the medical model for it. Recent studies in fact have shown that the imbalance is a consequence and not a cause of depression. I came out of depression in 2007 on a very low dose of antidepressents. I believe that depression is a response to life events the same as anxiety.

Hey Everyone,
Hope everyone is doing well with recovery!!!

Not been on in a while doing really well with recovery until I had a setback today!! really frustrating!

Always get it at work, really feels like im nothing at all, if that makes sense.

Im constantly focused on me and talking is really strange. always feel like I can’t speak!! please say some1 else has this??? also when I do speak it feels like im listening to myself???? it’s so weird and really scares me.

Also when I walk around work I feel im walking so fast and strange because I feel im going to fall over!! sometimes feels like im walking down steps on a level floor?? haha.

Maybe I should just quit my job as I feel a change would introduce a new start within me. I really understand Pauls way of not caring and the whatever attitude but at work, it really gets overwhelming with the weird speaking feeling????

I really feel so tired and worn down and the thought of working fills me with dread. I really need money just like everyone else but sometimes I think my well being is more important.

I went to the doctors about a month ago and im waiting to hear about CBT therapy.

These setbacks are really annoying cos I have the ‘whatever’ attitude all the time but at work, everything just gets on top of me and I cant seem to function properly.

is being neurotic the same as having anxiety?????

any answers to my questions would be brilliant and thanks for listening, I hope everyone gets to recovery soon

Kat,

You need to let your thoughts in. I can clearly see your dislike of them. You can not say you are accepting and then expect to feel better. Acceptance comes only from practise. When you have these thoughts change your attitude to thanking them for coming. For example when the thought comes ‘maybe this means I don’t love my husband’. You need to thank the thought for coming and have a so what attitude or else the analyses begins as follows: ‘oh no I can’t feel anthing for him I have fallen out of love with him’ ‘Maybe I am thinking like this because I know I have to leave and I just don’t want too’ and so on and so on.

However if you start analysing thats fine as soon as you realise you are doing it change your attitude to ‘oh so what thanks for coming I am going to carry on doing what I want to do with you there’.

To float you need to take it all with you. SLLLOWWWW DOOOWWNN!!! and take it with you.
xx

This is the first time I have written on this blog but read it often. My question for everyone is do you have problems with memory, and difficulty learning new things. It just seems like my mind is so cloudy that nothing comes naturally anymore. At work if I get frusturated I can feel the confusion setting in. It is so difficult to not pay attention to this due to it affects everything I do. For example even watching movies is difficult due to it is hard to follow the storyline. It is so difficult living like this due to I feel like I am a fraction of who I used to be.

Thanks.

Hi Sasha,

I know exactly what you mean. I always worry that I am a bad person and worry about what people think of me. I always think I have to do the right thing and often think to myself ‘gosh how can they behave like that or do that, do they not worry about being a bad person’. Does that make sense?

On another note, can you (or anyone) offer any advice?? As I said, I have been having a set back for around a month now. I have anxiety bouts every 2-3 years, obsessive thoughts etc. By using Paul’s methods and speaking to my doctor to alter my medication I have been able to get on top of this the last few days and tell myself all my bad thoughts are just my anxiety playing tricks on me etc, in fact, last night I even slept until 6.45 this morning (usually I am up from 5ish with the stomach-churning etc). However, because I have now seen a slight improvement the thought that has now cropped up is ‘oh no, what if I get bad again’. It’s silly because I have just gone through it and have dealt with my thoughts etc but I think it’s the fear of being like that again that keeps the thought there. Also when I have setbacks the first initial thought is ‘what if I get ill again’ and then it spirals out of control so my anxiety is telling me that I am going to spiral downwards again!

Can anyone offer some support on this?
Thanks
Caron

Hi Sasha,

I think I understand. I need to accept the whatever attitude more i.e whatever happens I will cope like I have been the past few weeks. I think its like others have said – its the raw memories that give you the fear. BUT I have coped before and have proved to myself that the whatever acceptance works so I just need to remind myself of that.

Thanks for your support – sometimes I feel like all of us on here should have a big get together!

C
xx

Caron,

I do the same thing about fearing that I am going to spiral down again. I’ll have a few good days and then feel a little twinge of anxiety and start to question my whole recovery! “Will I ever get better? Is this really the right way to go about recovering?” That is a very hard one for me, but I think it is essential to have the belief and faith that this is the right road.

Any advice from the “Recovered” individuals?

Hey Everyone,
Hope everyone is doing well with recovery!!!

Not been on in a while doing really well with recovery until I had a setback today!! really frustrating!!!!!!!!

Always get it at work, really feels like im nothing at all, if that makes sense.

Im constantly focused on me and talking is really strange. always feel like i cant speak!! please say some1 else has this??? also when i do speak it feels like im listening to myself???? its sooo weird and really scares me .

Also when i walk around work i feel im walking so fast and strange cos i feel im going to fall over!! sometimes feels like im walking down steps on a level floor?? haha.

Maybe i should just quit my job as I feel a change would introduce a new start within me. i really understand Pauls way of not caring and the whatever attitude but at work it really gets overwhelming with the weird speaking feeling????

I really feel so tired and worn down and the thought of working fills me with dread . I really need money just like everyone else but sometimes I think my well being is more important .

I went to the doctors about a month ago and im waiting to hear about CBT therapy.

These setbacks are really annoying cos I have the ‘whatever’ attitude all the time but at work everything just gets on top of me and I cant seem to function properly .

is being neurotic the same as having anxiety?????

any answers to my questions would be brilliant and thanks for listening , I hope everyone gets to recovery soon

Thanks Hawkeye and Sasha for your responses. Clearly, my stubborn mind is the main obstacle. Kind of explains the last ten years, I’d say! I suppose I am ruminating because of what the fear could possibly lead to, namely spontaneous decisions that could have a negative impact on my life. My emotional struggles have, at times, made me a very inward, selfish person and the feelings of others took a backseat to whatever I was feeling. I have been worried about not finding the strength to recover and possibly damaging the one relationship in my life because of confusion over how I actually feel. There’s that and the fact that I have young child to consider and I really want to learn how to correct all the bad learning before she learns it from me and commits to the same pattern.

Thank you for the advice. As always, it is greatly appreciated. I’ll keep trying!

Kat

Sara-

I hope that others will come in with the reassurance of the recovered, but just to let you know that you are by no means alone. I have found work very, very difficult, and I have found myself crying in the toilets too. Sleep (or the lack of it) for me is terrible – sometimes I wonder how I could make sense of anything during the day with only a couple of hours sleep a night, let alone trying to deal with anxiety and all it brings at the same time. Like you I also believe that the process of acceptance is the way through, it has to be, but it sure as hell isn’t easy. It IS anxiety, and we will get through.

Belief has been mentioned here before, and just a random post about this. The better days (few as they have been) I see in my mind (whether true or not) as times when I actually believed in what I was doing was the way forward. Unfortunately this belief doesn’t last long, and I struggle to remember what I believed the day following. One memory I just can’t get away from is 6 weeks or so ago, I quickly looked on the internet one evening and got a qoute from Claire Weekes – I just thought to myself anxiety is adrenaline. That night and the following day were amazing. Still had physical symptoms, some degree of detachment but I felt so absolutely ‘there’ in the moment, able to appreciate things, to not worry. Felt free, though still anxious. There is no way I recreate that moment, those thoughts, whatever they were that got me there, and it gets further and further in the past now. In my worst moments I think of that day of what seemed liked absolute clarity (yet with anxiety. Not sure if this is helpful or not to me, sometimes it reminds me of what I can be, that I don’t have to be overwhelmed, sometimes it feels like a struggle to achieve what I did then to try to regain some understanding. Sorry random posting really.

Ian, Caron and Paul,

Thanks for sharing. I think it’s so hard not to slip back into the old habits of believing it is more than anxiety that we are going through. It’s so hard to shake the belief off that there’s more going on than that. Having gone back and read Joe’s blog I can see some truth in it. When you’re so used to fighting your way through each day or each bout of anxiety it does become a habit, something that we’ve practised and learnt over time. I know that 8 years of going through this had left me thinking this was it forever, that and not knowing what the hell is wrong with you makes you feel so stuck and trapped in this horrible thing. However, since discovering this site I have slowly been able to see some light at the end of the tunnel. I have had a pretty good spell of good days recently (by that I mean days where being anxious didn’t bother me-not just suddenly being better) and I suppose it’s about holding onto to those good days knowing that they will be back again but not forcing them. In the same respect, I suppose we have got to recognise the bad days for what they are..just that. There may be a bad day tomorrow or even for the next week but also to not try to force them away. I think I fall into that trap of wanting it all to be better quickly when I have a blip, but I am pleased that I can finally have some answers to it all and work with that. It’s definitely a better place than I was! I don’t know if I’m going to feel better today, tomorrow or next week, month etc but I am going to work with that-do nothing, even if it does seem scary (which at times it does!) and keep that little bit of hope that it’s just my over sensitised, tired anxious mind doing the work and let it burn itself out.
Ian, the fact that you have that day shows that things are beginning to change, but we have got to remember that it’s a slow process. When I discovered this site there was a part of me that was like “right I’ll be better soon!” and it’s taken me a good six months to begin to accept the anxiety (and I really do mean begin.) Being in the moment and free of this thing is where we want to be but it’s like learning anything, we’ve just got to not force the process. I really appreciated your words, thanks.

Caron, maybe a good cry will help? I had one yesterday and although I don’t feel good today I did need it. Regarding the thoughts, I don’t think we can control them and that’s why we are here because we are trying to so much. I know it seems scary but if you let the control over them go you might find that they can just chatter away and disappear quickly. Do you ever laugh at how ridiculous they are? I do sometimes and that can help.
Thanks for the support on here=-sorry if my messages are massive but it helps to just vent some stuff!
Take care everyone x

Sara –

wanting it all better quickly, or just to get rid of this or that part of it, believing that would be the ‘key’ is the killer. Certainly for me. Lot’s of ‘mental gymnastics’ to try to achieve that thing, which is of course not going to happen – or at least the complex thing I thought one day won’t last until the next. Wanting to believe I am like everyone else for reassurance (difficult as it is to correspond what I feel with others experiences – Joe’s point about true belief in what it is you are suffering), contrasting with wanting to believe that ones own experiences are unique (which they are in many ways) so that some ‘special’ thing/thought/action will resolve it for you. Guess what I am saying, to myself as much as anyone, is no matter what the unique experience we may have, it is ANXIETY and we truly have to believe that. It can be awful in so many ways, and I’m as guilty as anyone of coming here for reassurance, confirmation. The blog is kept postive, which is a good thing, but at times I want to scream at just how awful it all is.

I believe, like you Sara, and I guess most who come here, that acceptance of it all can be the only way to true recovery. I’ve suffered for over 20 years, with 3 ‘breakdowns’. I want to deal with this properly, which at some times makes me put on way too much pressure/limits, I know, but also at others, gives me hope.

Hi

I have been reading Paul’s book and prior to that Claire Weekes books and both have made a lot of sense to me.

I have suffered from anxiety on and off for the last 15 years, the last 3 being the worst. I had a couple of good weeks but on Sunday night began to feel nauseous – a particular anxiety problem for me. When I start to focus on the nausea, it gets worse and the thought of eating / preparing food makes me break into a sweat and I can hardly get the food down. To make matters worse, I am diabetic, therefore cannot avoid eating. When I am not in this spiral, I love my food. Can you give me any words of advice? I felt so despairing this morning – I just want to be back to normal.

Hi everyone, just wanted to say what a wonderful site this is and what an insight it has been, went to the doctors today and recommended it to the doctor for other sufferers, I just wanted to wish everyone well and to say im going back to work in a wks time after being off for two months I am still suffering and still have a way to go and very apprehensive about going back but have decided anxiety is not going to hold me back any longer ive been fighting anxiety for 24 years and am now in flight mode the right way to go thanks to pauls book god bless you all and never give up hope recovery will come to you once you let it.

Just wondering if anybody had a chance to read my post from November 10th. Wondering if anybody else has these experiences.

Thanks,

Matt

Caron, Matt-

yes, yes to all of that.

Hi Matt,
Your mind is so, so tired from thinking all the time when you have anxiety that when you try and take new things in or try and remember something you simply can’t sometimes. Don’t allow this to worry or upset you, it is part of anxiety and therefore part of your recovery. Accept that your mind is so tired and that it is inevitable that you are going to have problems with memory. If you worry about why this is happening you are going to add to it and just get more tired and more confused. You are still the same person as you always have been but you are tired so don’t out pressure on yourself. It will just lift naturally as long as you don’t fight it and try and work it all out.
I remember, at my worst, my boss talking to me at work and I couldn’t actually hear him, it was like my mind just refused to take anymore in. I was so frightened and my body felt like electricity was being pumped through it but I knew that I had to keep on going. This happened everyday for a long time but as I stopped questioning it and just let it happen, I would actually hear more, my body stopped feeling so alert and would start to feel ‘normal’. Leave it alone and it goes, it really does.
Matt, it is the most frightening thing in the world to feel that you are only a part of the person you used to be, to feel like you have no say over what you are thinking and how you live your life. Anxiety is a bully and for as long as you react to it it will have control. Accept that you are tired, accept that it is anxiety and accept the thoughts, feelings, bad memory and everything that goes with it and the grip it has on you will slowly loosen. I and others that contribute to this blog are absolute and definate proof that this has worked for them and it will for you, I have no doubt whatsoever.

All the best
Helen

Hi Caron,
You are right. When you really start to accept without thinking about it (hope I make sense) you actually feel a bit numb because the thoughts don’t have as strong a reaction from you as they once did but you are still very tired emotionally and physically. It feels a little like grief as you are at some level letting go of something that you have had with you for so long.
Don’t question your medication Caron and don’t wonder if you are ever going to get better because you will, you just really have to believe it. Don’t fight whatever comes at you, just accept it or you will become even more tired and confused.
When you have a really bad day, when your thoughts are going round and round and you feel like you can’t take anymore. When you feel like you want to cry 24/7, when you don’t think you can face talking to people, when you can’t seem to function in any way (I am listing all these because this is how I felt) please, PLEASE know that better days are coming to you but to get to them you have to go through the bad days without question. You will do it, just be patient and don’t put pressure on yourself, anxiety is doing enough of that for you.

All the best
Helen

Hi Caron,
It is absolutely normal to question everything when you feel so terrible because you don’t want to feel the way you do. You want to work out why you are feeling this way, you look back to see if there was a trigger so that you can ‘fix it’ and maybe avoid what you think may have triggered it in the future. You look back and try and think of happier times, as surely this would give you some comfort just for a minute but it doesn’t because your mind is so tired. Then you wonder ‘was I really happy at all’ and this makes you feel frightened and more confused and you carry on trying to work it all out. STOP!! You are putting yourself under a huge amount of pressure.
Think about maybe one thing you would like to do today. It may be reading a page of a book, it may be washing the pots, it may be going for a walk, it may be just trying to hold a 5 minute conversation with someone but do it. Accept that the thoughts will still be there, you may feel absolutley exhausted just at the thought of doing it but do that one thing. Whilst you are doing it and your thoughts come at you because they will Caron, don’t let it stop you from doing what you are doing
and don’t fight what is going on in your head and how your body feels just accept them.
The biggest mistake we make as anxiety sufferers is to wait until we are better to carry on with life. What I found is that I have always been happy it is just that anxiety wouldn’t let me feel it for a very long time.

All the best
Helen

Thanks Helen, I did go for a walk today which felt good, the thoughts were there but I managed to cope! I am now worrying that my medication is making me worse coz I upped it- I can’t win ! When I got back I tried to have a sleep but the thoughts were so strong and my heart was beating so fast I just wanted to scream! Then I get scared even more bout what’s happening to me! I spose I just need to accept that ANY negative thought is just my anxiety and when this passes so will they? X

Caron, I know you feel awful at the moment and bewildered by how you feel, but you seem to still be in a cycle, worrying about the level of your medication, worrying about what is wrong with you, these worries are keeping you in the cycle as your anxious about feeling anxious. It is far better to dislike how you feel than worry about it and question it all, this will get you nowhere.

Your post above was all about questioning it all, how you can overcome it, is there anything good in your life, questioning how you feel. You are just having a massive battle with yourself each day, questioning and worrying. You need to learn to be far more ok with the way you feel as awful as it can be, this is the only way. You CAN’T worry and question yourself better, this will just keep you in the cycle. Does the man on the street go around all day questioning how he feels? does he go around all day worrying about how he feels? No, and if he did he would also begin to start to feel more stressed and detached. To become like the man on the street you have to behave like him. And that means accepting all your symptoms without question and understanding that they are all just surface symptoms and that the real you is still there underneath. Your symptoms are all worry and stress-induced and you are worrying and stressing about them, your whole day is just centred around the way you feel, you have to begin to learn to move in the opposite direction and not make it the centre of your day, been there, done it, got worse.

When you go for a walk, go for a walk, don’t go for a walk wondering or hoping it will help, questioning how you feel all the way around, tuning into how strong your thoughts are etc….When you wake at 5am, don’t question why, feel sorry for yourself, question your whole existence etc…I did everything you mention, it crushed me, I never moved forward, I just fell deeper. Your mind and body is desperate for a break, please learn to step out of the way and give it one. You will have to live alongside your feelings for a while yet, but learn to do that, what you are doing now is the opposite and living your life against them.

As your other post above states:

Helen,

Your words are so soothing. I have had the worst few days. All this questioning of my medication and am I ever going to get better etc.
I feel so tired and not with it and emotional, have cried so much today!

Caron, I am not being rude here, but please listen to what people say, the whole book/site/blog states not to spend hours questioning and worrying and how this is just counter productive. You spent a few days worrying and questioning and then wonder why your mind feels so tired and your head feels so fuzzy. I want you to come here and say ‘I understand now that questioning and worrying about the way I feel is fruitless, I just go around in circles and it just has me feeling worse’. There is nothing to question Caron, please learn to stop worrying and questioning, this is vital if you want to move forward. If you re-read all your posts they are all filled with you worrying and questioning, if this is making you feel worse, why not try and begin to do the opposite?

Let’s go to another post of yours

I also I am so tired that I end up not continuing what I am working on and just end up kind of staring into space – do you know what I mean?

You end up staring into space as your mind is overloaded with the subject, there is no space to think, you spend so much time on you and the way you are feeling nothing else enters your day, your mind is just so clogged up and tired. Think of the person who meditates, that person has given their mind a break, it feels refreshed and flexible, thinking is so clear and easy. So let thoughts race, let your attention be on you, but learn to no longer get involved, don’t try to force clear thinking, allow your mind to be clogged up, dull and fuzzy and be o.k with it, all this will help clear your mind, but be prepared to give it time and drop this utter desperation to be better today.

Paul

Caron that’s right, please try not to get so frustrated with the way you feel, it’s a big step 🙂

hiya paul,
I posted a couple up – i am following your advice but would just really like comformation that what i experiance is normal too? i am not letting it hold me back because i believe it will work. my main issue is remembering the memories which are always negative, films, it seems to be associative at times. I am letting them flow in and not paying them attetion but of course i am aware they are there. i could have the same things pop up again.
I know that since i purchased your book a week ago that i have improved because i am getting up and going out etc. However this thought pattern is new and the only thing i have now. Is there stages to recovery?
I know you are very busy but if you do get chance could you read my post above and maybe give me some reasurance. i would be very grateful 🙂

Thankyou
Sara A

Oops–I meant to place my post under this section. Glad it helped some people.

As important as it is to accept your anxious thoughts/feelings for the time being, and as important as it is not to do anything about them, it is very, very hard to do this without BELIEVING that anxiety is all that it is. So many people (and I was one of them!) tend to think like this: “Well, I feel awful right now and these thoughts are scary. However, I think it’s only anxiety. At least, I’m pretty sure that’s all it is. But what if–“… And this “what if”, whatever it might be, can keep you in the anxiety trap (and it is a trap. The whole thing is a big put-up job!) As long as you think that it is something other than your currently sensitized mind and body (your anxiety), or even think that it very well COULD be something else, acceptance will be very difficult. Once you are truly convinced that anxiety is all it is–that every bizarre/obsessive thought and uncomfortable sensation is grounded in your anxiety ALONE, and that without this anxiety these thought/sensations wouldn’t be there–then acceptance comes a whole lot easier. And 9 times out of 10, anxiety IS the only real trouble.

The comments from everybody is very helpful and I would always come back here for comfort. I tried my best to disregard all thoughts with the firm belief that I can recover from all this. My anxiety is beginning to be in control but I feel very tired and would occasionally wonder if all this would come to an end.

I felt very exhausted as I cannot feel any happiness no matter anything good has happened. However, on the positive side, my fears and anxious thoughts have been reduced and I would hope that this would mean that recovery is not far away from reach. So good luck to everybody as well !

Hi KH,
Recovery from anxiety for me is very humbling because you realise when you are out of it or well on your way to getting out of it how great life is and I don’t mean it is like the ending of a film when you suddenly know you are better and that everything is going to be great from now on (that is what I expected for a long time!), I mean that because you have learnt so much about yourself from just being who you are and accepting whatever comes at you and allowing anxiety to attack you because that is what it does, you realise how very strong you are.
I am my old self; a happy, loving person but now I don’t have the underlying fear I always had (I have had anxiety on and off for most of my life, I am 35 and I have had 2 very, very bad episodes). For a long time, I did not believe that I would ever recover and felt like giving up sometimes but I didn’t.

There isn’t a defining moment when you know you are better, you just are and the only, ONLY way to recover is to know that you will, accept the bad days without question, accept the good days without question, accept feeling so depressed but get up, go to work, go for a walk, wash the pots even when you feel desperate. Let your mind and body do what it wants to at whatever moment it wants to. If it wants to race and throw a million words or thoughts at you, if you feel like you are going insane from the ‘what ifs’ then let it happen.
Recovery is yours, you own it and you will get there. That is the one thing that anxiety cannot take away from you.

All the best
Helen

Phew, this road to recovery is bumpy but…… I have good suspension so I’m sure I’ll be fine lol!! Just wanted to say what two great posts above, full of encouraging positive words! Thanks, x x

Good advice Joe and without doubt you have got the total correct attitude, it shines through. I did also say the below somewhere in the blog a while back and it is worth really taking on board.

“If the anxious thoughts and sensations don’t matter anymore, there is no reason to analyze them”.

Thank you.

Dear Paul,

I found your website and your blog a few weeks ago and was crying with relief after I read what you wrote. I’m 30 now and am struggling with anxiety for 10 years. Over the past weeks anxiety reached a peak it had never reached before and I am rarely leaving the house anymore. I was always against taking any antipsychotic drugs except for homoeopathic stuff but right now I am at a point where I would take anything just to not feel this constant fear and sadness anymore. But I won’t because I know it won’t help and it won’t cure me. I will order your book today and be patient, letting recovery slowly take place, one step at a time. Even if it takes years, anything is better than how I am feeling right now.

My boyfriend is very understanding and tries to be there for me all the time but I feel so guilty and ashamed for he deserves a better life, without someone who is constantly unhappy despite all the wonderful things he does for me. I am holding him back and dragging him down and that is not fair. I hate what I have become and I feel that it might be a punishment for not being a good enough person in the past.

I am so thankful for your website. Thank you for sharing your experiences and for wanting to help other people. God bless you!

Maike

Caron,

Yes I definately understand what you are saying and Helen thank you for the kind words.

I know that I have conveyed this before but does it really get better? I mean the memory, and the confusion? I go to work and I just can’t comprehend things like I used to. Concepts that I know I would have understood before go over my head which causes me more anxiety. It is so scary. It’s as if my IQ has dropped off of a cliff. My head feels like it is filled with pressure and I am lightheaded but the constant confusion is what scares me. I know that I have to quit analyzing if I ever expect to improve but have people gained back there ability to think and problem solve?

I am going to continue to attempt to not focus on my anxiety and such and take all of your advise but I just feel like I am alone with the mental confusion that I experience.

Thank you all for your support and comments.

Hi Paul!
Around April or May this year, my mum found your website and ordered the book for me. I had been struggling with anxiety for about 2 years and it got to the point I thought I couldn’t cope anymore. My hair was falling out and I got psoriasis (the doc told me it was due to stress!) I remember the first time I read your book – I actually started crying!! The relief I felt from knowing that someone else felt the same way I did was unbelievable! This may sound far fetched – but I don’t care – I feel that you have saved my life!! All I ever wanted to do was be at home in my bed, and even then I would feel anxious.

Im still recovering now, I still have bad days and I get stressed very easily (I am training at a job which can be very hard work) but I feel a million times better than I did. I actually started feeling better the day after reading your book, because I knew I was not alone and I was beginning to understand WHY I felt the way I did.

I feel exhausted a lot of the time, and I get the `tight band` and feel dizzy. But this is usually only at work. Any other time I am fine! I read back on your book a lot to give me the encouragement I need to recover. I know I will get there one day, and there is no question of where and when it will just happen. It is happening!!

I cannot thank you enough for what you have done in my life and many others. To me, you are a saviour!

All the best Paul, Hollie xxx

P.s – My hair is now intact and my psoriasis has completely gone!! 🙂

That’s great news Hollie, I remember the ‘crying’ with relief moment myself once I finally had some information. I have never felt so lost and alone, having not a single clue as to what was wrong with me and no one could seem to tell me anything. Someone in the medical field once said ‘Paul doctors have to know a little about everything and can’t expect to be experts in the field of anxiety, it is a subject in itself’ I replied ‘Yes but would it not be good if every town had just 1 person with decent knowledge that they can be sent to, even just to explain and then advise them on where to get extra help?’

Just a simple explanation would have saved me years of suffering. I got worse because not only was I fighting to get better, I was also trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with me. It is the biggest most single reason people visit their doctor and yet in most cases, no one can tell you what is wrong with you. hopefully, in years to come, that will change, it needs to!

Anyway well done on your progress, I never tire of people coming back here to say how much better they are doing.

Paul

Just read the above post & I absolutely agree with you, Paul. So much more needs to be done to create awareness of such a misunderstood & debilitating condition. If there were more awareness then a lot fewer people would be suffering right now, as there is so much ‘Stigma’ attached to mental illnesses. Why should Anxiety & Depression be sneered upon? It’s time certain people stopped being ignorant & realise that these illnesses are Real! If someone can be ill with Diabetes & not be frowned upon, why can’t someone not be well in the mind? After all, we are only human. Keep up the good work Paul, you’re doing great! I have already recommended your book to a few people & it has helped loads. Thank you, for taking the time out, to help others in need. Michelle.

Hello Michelle,
i felt this way – so said – in the second step into my recovery. I don’t know others how they felt, but i can definitely relate to this. For me, when i understand my condition this was somehow more easy to accept, even if it was awful and embarrassing. There were periods when this oddness lift up, felt so good, almost free, without any anxious feeling, but i understand that i have to give up the fight and let my mind to settle himself.
At the same time i realized that i have to give up with the coping strategies, because if i would to live a normal live i had to act as normal. So my suggestion would be, try to let yourself feel miserable, with that knowledge back in your mind that this wont persist forever and with time you will feel better and better. (Sorry if i couldn’t formulate better)

Hello all,

Just a bit of an update, I suppose. On the one hand, things are better in terms of panic as I’ve been almost cheerful the past few days and have been much more focused than I have been for the past month. On the other hand, there is still fear around my relationship with my husband, as well as dread, but I know that it won’t alleviate overnight. That said, I am back looking for more support as I have begun to brim with doubts again and do not want to start the obsessive thinking.

I found out that I have the day off work tomorrow, and it was a wonderful surprise. I was excited to have a day to spend with him where our daughter would be at school and we’d be able to spend ‘quality time’ alone together. Then, I got home and the ‘thoughts’ flooded me, and I was back to feeling dread. Now, everything I have read tells me that this is anxiety-based thinking, but there’s that nagging part of me who keeps whispering ‘your relationship is in jeopardy!’. I have been feeling weepy since and have begun to back-pedal which I really don’t want to do.

I know that I need to let the thoughts come, but, after a month of keeping a distance from him and constantly feeling as though I have to test the waters just to see how I feel, I’m exhausted and frightened. I was hoping any of you who have gone through this and have managed to get past it would perhaps tell me how you did it? For the record, I’ve had panic disorder for ten years and this is the first time in our eight year relationship that I’ve felt this way with regard to him. In fact, up until just over a month ago I was wild about him and felt absolutely secure.

Any advice?

I’m sorry if I’m being redundant since I’ve posted about this before, but I am really hoping for words I can build on.

Much appreciated,

Kat

Wow-great post Hawkeye

As I’ve mentioned above Kat, I have exactly the same difficulties with obsessive thinking around this subject, it is exhausting and frustrating and the thoughts have stuck about for a long time. I think it might have been Helen who also talked about how when you are in this anxious/negative mind state it makes it easy to pick on the negative issues in your relationship or life, magnify them and turn them into something which does not remotely resemble the truth. I honestly believe that if I had the advice found through this website and book much much earlier I would not have become stuck in this merry go round of analysing, obsessive thinking, determined to find any hint of truth which could propel my fear. I really liked what you said Rach-“Recovery lies in the places you fear the most” ( Claire Weekes’s book is the next buy on my list 🙂 We can take some comfort knowing that it is the fear we are afraid of not the thoughts themselves. For me, most of the obsessive thinking is born out of pure habit. It became normal for me to be in this constant state of anxiety and worry (even though I knew deep down that there wasn’t any truth in the thoughts) and as such all I did was transfer one worry onto another which I now realise I have done with my relationship. I suppose what I’m trying to say is that it isn’t about the thoughts but about the fear. If it isn’t about the thoughts then there is no need to pay any attention to them.

Honestly Kat, I really understand what you’re going through and look how many people on here do to! That for me is a great relief that there is no truth in the thoughts whatsoever. If so many people with anxiety have this (or different types) of fears then it has got to be anxiety!

Mark-again really related to what you were saying amongst my many many irrational fears and obsessive thinking was sexuality. Again-totally and utterly anxiety-based. I realise this now BUT I have to say it’s not an easy road when you have suffered for so long. I think knowing it is anxiety-based and “sitting with the thoughts” is the way to recovery. I know we have all got it in us to recover we have just got to ride this bumpy journey for a while.
take care everyone
Sara

Yes, I agree with you, Michelle. I can’t believe something so common is so ignored and seems to have such a stigma attached to it. Even to this day, there are many friends and family members who have no idea what I went through or what I now do. When you deal with close family members and friends of mine who regularly say things like ‘Mental illness doesnt exist or refer to people as nutters’ then you know it is better not to try and bother explaining to such ignorant people. Though I will say I have friends and family who think the total opposite and know exactly what I do and often say they know someone who suffers and more should be done. You get a feel for the ignorant ones, but it is generally these people that have so many people suffer in silence through fear of ridicule. No one who suffers should be ashamed, as my own doctor said it was the single, largest reason people came to see him.

Some on here may remember, but over a year ago a doctor actually came on here who suffered and had no idea what was wrong and came on asking for advice, he said he felt so ashamed, as he thought he really should know how to help himself and that if he was able to move forward he would try to REALLY help anyone who came to him in the future and not brush it off with a few pills and a 5-minute chat. It just shows anyone can and does suffer, I get emails from every walk of life.

My own view is that basically everyone understands a cold as they have felt one, so it’s real and people get sympathy and understanding. Things like cancer, heart problems, etc, exist as it says so on the TV and in so many magazines/books and many people know many who have suffered, so it exists and again people will sympathise. But anxiety is seemingly not publicised, swept under the carpet, people keep quiet, with so few out there who can seem to help, there is certainly a lack of understanding and sympathy there. Again this needs to change quickly and maybe as the internet grows and more and more publicity is given to the subject, hopefully, it may do.

I remember one lady who said her husband did not understand and told her it was all in her head and to just snap out of it. She replied ‘Do you think for 1 minute I want to feel this way, not sleep properly, feel dreadful, not want to go out, do you really think I would choose this way of life! you understand nothing!’

It is that lack of understanding that has people suffering in silence, but I loved her honest reply.

Hi Paul, KH here. I stumbled across your site while I was doing a Google search. I was googling “fear of going crazy” when I discovered your site and I am very glad as it has helped me to go on a road of recovery.

I’m almost recovering with very little anxious thoughts which would occur at times. But I was lucky as I only suffered for a month before I found this site, while there are here who suffered for years. For those others who haven’t recovered yet, it’ll all be eventually worth it and you all can make it !

I totally agree with you that people with anxiety / depression are not nutters, they are just caught in a cycle which they found no way to escape. We are all humans and sometimes we do get caught in a worrying cycle for too long. Unfortunately, there are just too little people who are aware of this as they have never actually experienced it. Some of my close friends also agree with me that they would never understand how it feels as they were never caught in anxiety / depression.

Personally, I was never a big fan of the term “mental illness” when it was used about anxiety. I always thought, “Sure, it really sucks to feel this way and I might be stuck in a rut right now, but that doesn’t mean that I’ve come down with an illness.” In one way or another, everybody thinks there way into an anxiety condition; you do not think your way into the flu. And I think the stigma of anxiety being an illness, more often than not, helps people feel more powerless against it. I preferred to think of anxiety as being a natural bodily/emotional roller coaster ride, which I alone was ultimately responsible for. No outside influence caused it, and no outside influence perpetuated it (which is not the case with real illnesses). Feeling better again is a process–a process of breaking bad habits and, in the process, desensitizing yourself. It is learning how to handle stress, what to do about “what-if” thinking, and (in general) learning how NOT to worry. In short, it is about learning how to undo all the bad mental habits that got you into this anxiety-condition in the first place. I once heard a former sufferer say that he would not trade in his anxiety-ridden days for a million dollars because he learned so much from them. But, of course, he was sure to add, “But neither would I go back to them for all the money in the world.”

I suffered a minor breakdown last May due to caring for an aged mother, an aged aunt and personally undergoing surgery. This has resulted in a 7 month period of anxiety with little respite. I did, however, experience 4 wonderful weeks of ‘normality’ which ended 2 weeks ago as a weekend holiday loomed. I seem to be back in the DP and DR cycle and although I am living my life and going places there is little improvement and I seemed locked in a parallel universe. The usual symptoms apply – feeling outside of reality, nothing, such as the time of day or current events seem to register, surroundings/people which should be familiar seem strange – most of you know the story. The dark November days don’t help either. The acting is fooling everyone except my wife who regularly witnesses the mask slipping. I was fortunate, through the length of service, to retire early and I wonder now whether this was a good or a bad thing. The unoccupied mind has too much freedom. Sometimes I get flashes of reality which feel raw and automatically I recoil into the DP/DR cocoon. It is a shame that I didn’t spot the build-up of stress earlier in the year but I have a history of worrying for England and certainly didn’t see this coming. Does anyone agree that there should be Olivier Awards for anxiety sufferers? Meanwhile, head down and try to relax into whatever comes along. Great supportive site Paul – you are a Godsend in the true sense of the word.

Paul or anyone else just wondering if anybody else experiences anxiety like I do or am I alone on this? Please refer to my post from November 17th, 2010 at 12:16 am

I also have the disturbing thoughts but as mentioned earlier my main concern in the mental slowness/confusion.

Sydney.

You may find this very comforting. Hopefully, some others will relate or be able to understand it.

Yes, the parallel universe thing is a feeling that comes with depersonalization. You put it perfectly when you said that the time of day doesn’t seem to register. I have had this for almost a year now (after a breakdown). And day time just looks different. There’s no way to explain it to anybody without them thinking you aren’t making sense. It is like you used to be alive and do stuff during the day but now you are REALLY SEEING THE DAY. The blue sky looks different. It’s the same but somehow dull, or cartoonish. Faces look weird for me, but most of the time i can ignore it. The night doesn’t ever feel weird for me, maybe because I just like the lower lighting. I am 23 and cannot imagine living like this for soo many more years. Anyways, I experience times when I do not feel out of sync with life, when I am not analyzing people and the way life looks…and that is how I know I’m recovering. It encourages me that I will be completely healed one day. I am going out and living my life, going to work at two jobs actually. I figured it’s better to work two easy part-time jobs and then one terribly stressful office job. it seems to work alright.

Yes, Depersonalization/Derealization is the scariest thing I have ever experienced but it is getting better.

I like what you say: The unoccupied mind has too much freedom. In a way, I wish that I could always be studying something or drawing or playing an instrument or whatever. But there are always times when you just have to be unoccupied, like at work and when your just not in the mood.

Hi Sara A,

Anxiety as we all now in mainly future based as we feel fear and try and work out what it is that is causing it. Thoughts come into your head, the ‘what if’s’ the ‘am I’s’ and you spend your time trying to control what you think, fighting the thoughts and avoiding situations that make you feel so terrible. You try to control your present so that it benefits you in the future.
I also experienced what you are going through where anxiety pulls you backwards. For me, this was because I had learnt to accept that I can’t control what happens to me in the future and I was feeling more content with just living my life the way I want to and know that whatever life throws at me I can handle, however; I still felt odd.

I then started having dreams about people I hadn’t seen in years, people that never really meant much to me. I would experience flashback type episodes during the day, smells would set my heart pounding and I couldn’t work it out. This frightened me just as much as my future based anxiety did as I wasn’t consciously thinking these things, they were just popping up in my head. This was new to me and it set me off trying to work out why this was happening, did something happen in my past that has made me an anxious person? It was relentless and I felt more and more drained as I thought I had come so far in my anxiety recovery. Then something in my thinking just changed. I was going through this for one of two reasons:
1. Something did happen in my past that made me this way and if it did it was good that this was happening to me as it meant that I would have to face it and deal with the issue.
2. I really am recovering, my mind is clearing and I am allowed to have memories, I am allowed my own thoughts (something I didn’t have for a long time).
When I realised this, I stopped trying to work it all out and slowly anxiety died.

The types of thoughts you have and the trigger are irrelevant Sara, it is how you react to them that makes you anxious. Your attitude towards them ALWAYS has to be the same. Don’t react, don’t analyse, don’t fight just let them be. You know this is anxiety, it can be nothing else and you are recovering.
Don’t be frightened Sara, there is an end in sight, I promise just don’t try and race towards it. Let your thoughts sit beside you, whatever they are and however they are triggered.

All the best
Helen

Sorry Mike H et al
I pressed the submit button too soon – put it down to agitation or something. I’ll write again when my wife (who is sitting at the table behind me) has finished rustling paper and wrapping Christmas presents. All I would say for the present, Mike, is things will get better for you and I can assure you that as far as I am concerned my long good times have easily outweighed the short bad ones.

Sorry,

I hit the submit button before finishing.

I could tell that I was improving with ups and downs along the way and I’m far better off than I was 4 months ago but, I’m experiencing tension in the back of my neck and head. It’s been constant everyday from the time I wake until I go to bed at night. It’s like a migraine headache in the back of your head. Is this part of my anxiety or do I need to have my neck checked. I’m constantly wanting adjust and crack my neck. Will this go away in time or do I need to see G.P.?

Thanks Paul. I pray for you daily.

Hi Ian,
When I first found this site and Paul’s book, I was desperate. I wasn’t sleeping as I found I was so scared of waking up and feeling so awful that I couldn’t sleep. I did manage to get to work every day and how nobody knew what I was going through, I have no idea as my sight and hearing were badly affected due to depersonalisation/derealisation. It wasn’t that I was ever ashamed of what I was going through, I just couldn’t explain it, how could I? I had lived with this for so long that when I read the book I realised straight away that what I was reading was right as nothing else had ever worked, not constantly looking inside myself for answers, not looking at other people for answers, not fighting what I was thinking, not going to the doctors as I thought I was ill, absolutely nothing.

During my recovery, I rarely came to the site or re-read the book as I had been provided with what I needed to do. I knew, even at my worst that I am the answer, it was up to me to just let go and accept what was happening. I also knew that I could not feel any worse than I did so why not give it shot.
If this site provides you with comfort then there is absolutely nothing wrong with that so long as you don’t rely on it. I am not saying you are but if you rely on something then it becomes a crutch and you lose sight of what you really need to do to recover. I think that is what Joe was saying.
I am glad you are finding the post’s helpful and I look forward to the day when you are posting to help others.

All the best
Helen

Helen,

Thank you for your reply to my post last week.

I wonder if you or anyone for that matter, have ever felt really tired sometimes like you just have no energy to do anything. some of this could be due to disinterest but mainly I just ache all over. maybe my work is quite hectic so it affects a little but I am not sure if others experience this too? Usually, on weekends I am too tired to do anything but lie there – I am a bit worried as I am not sure if this is due to a symptom of anxiety or just a normal day to day thing?

Sometimes I still feel a little numbed like in my mind – but I just keep going over the text until I get it.

Can anyone advise?

Scarlet, if you do come on, wud appreciate your comments too.

thanks all

Does anyone have days where they just feel sad and like they want to cry for no particular reason?? I don’t know if this is usual or if I am being a wuss !! but I try to just go with it and tell myself I just emotionally tired..is this right??

Hiya Helen

Thank you so much for the post. It has been comforting for me and I have more belief that I will get better.
I have been through a lot in my life – it has always made me want to run before I could walk but this is a scenario that I know I can’t rush through.
My baby is due in 10weeks so I know that my hormones again will change but this I have no control over.
I seem to be going through a phase today in which words that I read catch my attention and stick around. I think this has been brought up by others on this site.
This process of recovery isn’t easy, is it? It does take a lot of will power.
Is it also normal to have thought straight afterthought? I could have 10 in 20secs. Is it because I dismiss them that I get another one straight away?
Hope so.
You seem to be such a strong person to give the knowledge that you have to people. I eventually want to do the same. – in time of course 🙂

XXX take care XXX

Hi all, I am really struggling with a symptom of anxiety AGITATION I find it really hard to deal with, im doing fairly well overall and going back to work this week, like today I was in a shop with my partner and he was looking at an item and I just stood there mind blank as if I didn’t know what I was supposed to do very uncomfortable feeling, I get when im in a conversation as well as if I don’t know what to say is this just down to a tired mind? would really appreciate any advice hope everyone is doing ok Mark I found if I just let the doubting and questioning carry on in my mind and say to it carry on all you want im not bothered any more seems to work for me and then think about other things or do something the thoughts doubting and questioning may still be there but ignore them hard I know I used to struggle with this when I first suffered anxiety but just let it your mind ramble it will eventually get better I can promise you that

Hi All. I am kind of new to the blog, I posted my story on the “obsessive thoughts” blog. I have been suffering from anxiety for about two months.. before that, I had panic attacks and was started to ve super concern and worried about health issues, especially my heart. I have been reading posts here and I also bought Paul’s book which I could say it was my life saver.

although, one of the things that I will think usually is if there is anyone out there cured of this awful “condition”. what I mean is that I get a little sad thinking that I was fine and normal six months ago and now panic and anxiety have destroyed my life. I really don’t want to imagine having to “cope” or “get used to” living with it.

I have been trying to put everything into practice but I am still so conscious of myself and my thinking that gets tough to get distracted by other things.

I feel positive about this.. even though the obsessive scary thoughts, constant anticipation, and scared of suffering from health issues are on my everyday routine.

I read some posts from Helen and the made me feel more enthusiastic about this.

Paulina.

Hi Eileen,
You need patience, that’s all. Keep living a full life as you are but don’t TRY and accept anxiety. If you are trying too hard you are putting yourself under pressure. You need to get to a point where accepting just comes naturally and it will, you are doing everything right by the looks of it. You are getting up and getting on with your day even when you aren’t feeling great. Just carry on, accept that you have woken up with that churning feeling and that it is anxiety. The minute you start to think ‘will this ever go away?’ or ‘will I ever live a normal life again’ you give in to it and impatience sets you into a vicious circle of inward thinking.
This will go away but you need to allow it to, it looks like you are doing a brilliant job so far so pat yourself on the back and let anxiety hang around until it becomes bored of being ignored.

All the best
Helen

Hi Geoff & Mark

”This isn’t the same as ‘fighting your symptoms’ – anxiety symptoms being things like; churning stomach, sweaty palms, panic feelings etc. These symptoms are the result of adrenaline – they need to be understood and accepted because any attempt to fight against them will release more adrenaline and only make them worse. Whereas a habit of negative thinking needs to be understood and challenged because negative thoughts left unchecked simply lead to a downward spiral of your mood.

I also wanted to say something about that “internal, obsessive dialogue” you mentioned… as this is something I’ve been bogged-down with myself. This actually serves no useful purpose, and simply spoils your enjoyment of your day. It needs to be stopped as it’s draining mental energy which you need for productive purposes (try googling ’stop ruminating’ for some useful techniques).”

Thanks, Geoff…I could very well relate to this..as it isn’t any anxiety symptoms that are bothering me..its the relentless negative thinking that’s bothering me.

some days when I don’t consciously put a STOP to these negative thinking by rational thoughts it seems to go on and on…… I mean being AWARE of it that it’s on a negative track…it helps me sometimes to not get carried away.
These thoughts pop up because we have underlying anxiety I guess I should affirm positive statements in mind each time and acknowledge it’s anxiety-based hence I don’t feel the need to analyse them.

what do you usually do when ur mind starts negative talking about yourself?

Just read some posts from a few days ago. I found the site by google. Also, Paul I have to agree with you about how this condition is treated by doctors. When the anxiety first started for me I went to the emergency room twice within 5 days the doctors looked at me like I had two heads when I told them how I was feeling. Even the nurse who signed me in did not seem to understand. Then I went to my family doctor and he looked at me with that blank stare like I did not know what I was talking about. Then I found this site and took your advice and educated myself the best I could. I found myself when I went to the doctors telling him what I needed as opposed to being brushed off.

I talk to friends who tell me how they feel and I know they are suffering from anxiety but their doctors just put them on medication or tell them to take time off work.

More awareness is out there but I find the stigma still remains.

Hi Sasha,

To answer your question, when I start thinking very negatively, it’s very difficult to break the cycle. Sometimes I logically try to tell myself a positive uplifting thought, which can help to a certain extent. What I’ve noticed is that my negative thoughts usually keep coming, so you may end up “battling” yourself with negatives and positives, which can be frustrating.

For the last couple days, I’ve taken advice on this blog by seeing the negative thought for what it is – as just a thought. I try to change my attitude to one of almost laughing at the thought. The thought isn’t even real (although it seems very real) – it’s only happening in your mind. So I don’t try to change or manipulate the thought, I don’t try to make it go away, I only try to change my ATTITUDE towards it. You really can’t control many thoughts from appearing, they do so automatically, but you can change your reaction to them. Instead of being so scared, try to take off a little of the edge by stepping back and kind of laughing or smiling at it – after all, it’s not even real, it just popped up out of nowhere. The more scared you are of the thought, and the more you recoil, the stronger the stranglehold it will have on you.

Sasha, I’m also very new to this blog, and I’m also new to changing my habits. So if anyone else can comment on my opinion, then please I will take any help or criticism also. The main idea that has helped me is to take the fear out of your thoughts. It’s such a challenge, but over time you will learn techniques and habits to help you. I only know this because I’m starting to learn some myself.

Hiya,

Im stuck – something happened to me in my past and ive remembered it or my mind has chosen to and I cannot get rid of it. Or its because I’m so aware that ive had that thought that at every given minute im wondering if it will stay.

Can someone please tell me that because im aware ive had this thought now that its normal to be fully aware. It was a very traumatic experience for me at the time and I had left it behind. I could bring it up in my mind if I wanted to but now I am so so conscious of it.

I feel so silly asking for more reassurance but I don’t know now where to go – when I had just got my head around my issue with random thoughts eg films, names etc. I obviously managed to put the traumatic event behind me back then so why not now?

Ive been given so much great advice from others on here. But I just can’t deal with this one.
im sorry.

Hello Everyone!

I am new to posting. First I want to say how thankful I am for everyone sharing their experiences with anxiety and I am also so thankful to Paul and his book. I posted this in the Obsessive Thoughts blog and already got some comfort and great advice but I figured I would post here because it is more active.

I believe my anxiety started about 8 months ago when I had my first panic attack. I didn’t really understand what was happening to me, but I did get through it within about a month and started feeling like myself again; recently though (about 2 months ago) I had another panic attack and spiralled into the constant worry and thinking that something else was wrong. I found Paul’s site and book last month and it has been an amazing tool and guide for coming through this! I know what is going on with my body and what anxiety truly is and I KNOW that has put me on the road to recovery!

One thing I am struggling with now; which I see that many others do as well is the “questioning life” thoughts. I have been able to let so many other thoughts pass through and I no longer fear them but these “questioning why everything is here and what is the point, why am I not happy, what is happy….” type thoughts are hard for me to ignore. I also fear that I will have them forever as though it’s like since I have thought them now, how could I go on without questioning again (even though I know I went 24 years without becoming obsessed with them…) I also have great moments where I begin to feel like my “normal” self but I then it’s like I don’t let myself because I still have “these thoughts and this anxiety…” I do keep on doing things I normally would do and more too because I know that is key but I just wish I could enjoy them more…

I guess I am just looking for the reassurance that these thoughts like the others will fade as I give them their space and time…Sorry this post is not very uplifting and I know I am in setback right now (which I truly believe is a good thing because it is a sign of recovery..) I know I am on the right track but I guess I just need a little comfort that these “questioning life” thoughts will float/fade away in time. Has anyone else experienced this and have the thoughts eventually leave?

Hi Guys,

I have been posting on the other thread about scary thoughts quite a bit but wanted to update and ask Paul or others for some help here.

My anxiety started about 6 months ago, after a panic attack, brought on from smoking some weed (which incidentally I hadn’t done for years).

Initially, I had DP and thoughts I was Mad/Crazy etc but these have completely dissipated. I have also never had a panic attack since, came close but just faced the feelings and they went away.

Initially, I was so anxious I would wake up with my heart beating out my chest every day and a deep sense of worry and sadness. Things have DEFINITELY improved to the point where I almost feel normal. But now I seem to be stuck with these constant ‘questioning life’ thoughts that Emma mentions in her post. And they worry me so much.

Mine are really apocalyptic, ‘What’s the point to my life’ ‘ Why am I even here’ ‘I have nothing to look forward too / to offer the world’ ‘I should just die’ ‘how will I cope with life and move past this’ ‘How will I ever be able to enjoy stuff again without worry and achieve stuff in my life’. Always the same…..they never change. And of course, my attention is overly on myself although not as much as when this first happened.

And It’s like they mask all the reasons I have to be thankful for life and put a dark cloud over all the amazing possibilities and joys life has to offer. I also get very nostalgic and have dark dreams.

The problem is that after reading Pauls book and Claire Weekes I fully understand what I have to do and that these thoughts are trying to bluff me but I still start believing them and can’t seem to see past them. I have accepted the way I am for the moment, It’s just I’m still so worried. Some days much more than others, but even on good days the thoughts are still there it’s just their impact is not as severe. The only time they are not there is when my mind is occupied on a task, but then I am reminded of them when I am not occupied.

I know I must face an accept and try and float past but again as Emma mentioned again, this ‘dark cloud’ I carry everywhere is just so unbearable. I was in a bit of a rut prior to this although would have never considered myself depressed or anything, I just feel like I have nowhere to turn, It’s like I need some reassurance constantly and have none.

I was running a lot when it first happened, getting up earlier and meditating too but my new routine seems to be slipping a bit. I just feel so far from seeing the stage where Paul describes how he felt so thankful for life and all its joys.

Hope others are well though, great to hear from people who have recovered too, gives us all hope. Just looking for some reassurance I guess.

Regards,

Nick

hi just wanted to say a big thank you to Sasha, your response meant a lot to me and I have even taken some of the statements and put them in my handbag in case I need that bit of reassurance. am still having higher levels of angst at the moment not helped by a so-called therapist saying maybe my job is too stressful and I need to understand that I will worry that I have to manage my time and only do what I feel capable of. I am now doubting myself .. but if I understand paul that is giving in to angst and all jobs have some level of angst .. my kids are at school when I go and if I don’t feel like doing the housework or whatever I leave it or do in stages.. can anyone let me know if this is the right way of thinking or should as this lady says I give up my job (16 hours) with people I really feel comfortable with and get a mundane job to reduce my stress levels. I knew going back would probably affect me like this but hoped over time would get easier.. as I retrained my brain that I could manage.. I want to give the best to my boys and not be stressed eric as it were lol x been feeling very tired and my headaches at the moment with all the stuff running around. I try to let be but somethings like this hang around

thanks, x

I just want to take a moment to thank Paul for all his great blog posts. I lost a fellow band member, who was also my best friend ever in July totally unexpectedly. A couple of months later i had a complete nervous breakdown and was extremely anxious up until a couple of months ago when i came across pauls book. I at first was scared out of my mind as I had never experienced anything like that before, but after beginning to read pauls book, he literally described everything in great detail exactly how I was feeling. I read the whole book from start to finish and immediately began to feel improvement, and am happy to say that even though I am not completely out of the woods, I have made a significant recovery. I am beyond grateful to paul as it seemed like nobody understood what I was going through and I was losing faith fast. Paul has shown me the path that can eliminate suffering, and after going through what I have, I hope and pray that Paul continues to spread the word and share his information, as Anxiety is truly terrifying, so to be shown even some hope to recover makes such a huge impact to a person suffering. Thank you so much again, Paul.

This recent post is so right about how you can’t rush recovery. I have been having more and more good days, but recently I had a super strong fever and was laid out for about two days and after it subsided the anxiety hit me out of nowhere and I seemed to relapse into a bad spell again. Paul was also right about how after you have a lot of good days in a row, it’s even harder to take the bad days creeping up on you again. But after reading this post it has really reassured me that it is just part of the process to be up and down and that you just have to relax and it will run its course.

I have only had one panic attack since the breakdown, but the main things that seem to bother me are thoughts that analyze myself. I tend to all of a sudden become aware of my breathing, or my blinking or a clock ticking in the background and then I cant stop focusing on it, but then once I get doing something else or something fun and positive, it goes away till the next time. If I am not anxious and having a good day or days, the thoughts seem to just ricochet off me with little importance. But if it’s during downtime they seem to hit with such force and can cause a bit of bad feeling.

Does anyone ever have the same things happen to them? Any suggestions?

Either way, I am just so glad to have more normal and good days as I have been lately and whenever I recover, I recover. I totally agree with paul, no time limits or importance on recovery time. Compared to how I was when I first started, I will forever be grateful. Thank you again, Paul, it means the world, you have truly helped me and I am now helping anyone else I come across that seems to be suffering. Please continue to help people and inform everyone with your awesome info and insight, it really does help! 🙂

Sara, I see something in you that can hold you back ‘Don’t build your life around recovering’ you mentioned the other day ‘How long does it take to see improvements?’ Don’t demand or watch progress, just let it happen, don’t put time demands on it.

I have said it many times in the past, but I went through all sorts of symptoms, my whole day would be all about trying to break it down, figure out why I felt this way, what would help, getting so frustrated as nothing was working, it was all a waste of time, I should have just dropped the subject and got on with my day, but I did not know that at the time, I was sure the answer was to go over and over until I had that eureka moment.

At night I felt like I was floating when I shut my eyes, my ears would ring, I felt detached, my mind raced and much more. I eventually learnt to go with the ‘craziness’ and whatever it brought on, it brought. I still disliked the way I felt, but I stopped trying to ‘fix’ it by internal dialogue, I stopped the need for an answer and explanation for everything and recovery came to me, I truly stopped looking for it, it was like swimming without armbands for the first time.

Don’t feel the need to stay on top of it, to understand everything, don’t keep reaching out for reassurance, the anxious mind will soon pick up on something else anyway.

Once we have a better understanding and more knowledge on the subject, we don’t need to over complicate it after that, too many do. They want to know why they feel this symptom, that symptom, what this means? Is this something else, it never ends. This can be when we first discover information on anxiety, we feel the need to know everything, our thirst for knowledge increases and we want to leave no stone unturned.

Take a break from the blog when you feel the need, have a few days off, pack some living in and drop the subject for a while. If you want to come back for a little support or to read a new post then do so, you will probably find it easier to take on board, your mind won’t be as clogged up and the information will sit easier.

Try not to over complicate recovery, don’t watch or demand progress and have some time outs and trust in yourself.

Paul

Hiya Paul,

I completely understand where you are coming from now. Thank you for getting back to me. So yes I will take a break from the blog and see how I get on. I have always been one for needing constant reassurance but I realise there is nothing anyone can do for me – it comes from within.
Everyone is so lovely on here and it is such a positive place 🙂
I am grateful to have found your site and have your book. I can’t thank you enough.

Hey everyone, keep going strong, look after yourselves. talk soon

Hi Paul – I, too, found your website through Google. I searched “obsessive scary thoughts” and your site came up first. Initially, I only read the post on obsessive scary thoughts, but about a month ago or so I checked out the rest of your website and bought your book. After paying loads of money to a very well known (in the states) anxiety organization and not getting relief, I googled and found you. Although I slip up (and that’s why I came tonight for some support), I have had way more good times over the last month than bad times for which I am very grateful. I know I will “get it” fully one of these days and be one of the recovered people coming back just to support others. Thanks much!

I just wanted to say one insight that’s really helped me recently. I don’t know if it’s already been covered here, and I don’t remember it specifically in the book (though Paul talks a lot about thoughts), but lately, I’ve really started realizing the simple fact that I don’t HAVE to believe my anxious thoughts. It really just hit me like a ton of bricks, but I started not only being sceptical of my anxiety (about everything, being exhausted, not having enough to eat or enough money, being worthless etc.), but I also allowed myself to just stop believing almost anything my mind tells me.

I cannot tell you the relief this has brought me, it analogizes to what Paul says about not having to “question” the thoughts and not giving them importance or analyzing them, but for some reason, it felt different, it was like I had control over believing if an anxious thought was true or not, and I choose now to not believe nearly 80-90% of what my mind is telling me because it is so adrenalin-charged and ready to jump at any small stimulus.

I’ve had a ton of trouble sleeping, and I’ll start feeling anxious about it and have the thought “Why can’t I ever sleep? I’m just a person who has sleep problems and is destined to not be able to sleep” and thoughts like that, but now I am so sceptical about these ‘conclusions’ that I’ve been fed for so long by my anxiety, these ‘stories’ about how I’m damaged goods and I’m destined to be anxious for the rest of my life just because I had a small bout of anxiety which was prolonged until now. The anxiety didn’t cause me to develop into this disorder, it was that damned story I kept telling myself that I was “destined to be anxious” or just an “anxious person” from the time of the incident onwards, which is just plain wrong, After putting holes in the story, it has just evaporated, and other ‘conclusions’ that I’ve been carrying with me all this time (that I’m weird, I’m awkward in social situations, I get anxious when it’s too cold outside, that I’m needy), those have started to fall away too, and every time they come in my mind, they just don’t have the power they used to have anymore because I don’t believe a damned word they say anymore. I just remain sceptical, and then focus on the reality of the situation (that I have many loving friends, I’m often confident in social situations, I’ve been in the cold plenty of times in my life, etc.).

I don’t know if some of you have experienced this too, but try it if you haven’t, don’t believe your mind! You’ll do something like has to go into a social situation, and you’ll feel that *ping of anxiety, but then, immediately after that *ping, you will have this story in your head trying to explain it to you, a story put there by your anxiety. Don’t believe it! That ping of anxiety could be from anything, don’t for one second believe in what that story in your head is telling you (this is going to be a weird social situation, I’m not a good talker, I’m awkward, etc.). This has helped me so much to overturn these conclusions that keep me in that prison that has concluded (with my consent) that I’m just an “anxious person” now and there’s nothing I can do about it. All it is is adrenaline, and conditioned emotional responses brought on by giving too much focus and importance to my fears, and what I’ve now learned too, which is actually believing in those fears as if they are valid when they aren’t and I don’t have to

Hello all
I’ve been browsing the site and notice a lot of new people and a lot of older members giving excellent advice on how to travel the path to recovery. I know Paul and a few others will know my details – basically, I am one of the people who had anxiety for a long time before I came here and now about 18 months down the line I understand things so much better and deep down KNOW the rules. However, I wonder if some of the more experienced amongst us could straighten me up a bit.

I have been doing well – some days almost anxiety-free other days not letting the symptoms get to me. Little glimpses of a greater understanding where I can understand even more about the nature of the anxiety and that it only exists because we are allowing ourselves to be in awe of it.

However, as is the nature of this thing – I have started disliking the aches and pains that can accompany it and in so doing have found myself wanting to be rid of them and therefore starting to try the ‘mental gymnastics’ that Joe mentioned in the last blog. Add to that my mind has picked up on the fact that Paul/Joe and other people recovered have said that the only thing that kept them IN anxiety for so long as they had not fully accepted – ‘when I gave up on all that and fully accepted, NO CONDITIONS was when I started to get better’ – and others have said similar. Now I really understand most of this but there is an angle that is telling me that I am not fully accepting, that’s why I keep myself coming back to disliking/not accepting my symptoms. Can you please give me your opinion on what I am now doing –
For your research Paul, I googled ‘no more anxiety’ I did not know there was a site of that name but had always been too scared to google anxiety and had been getting by with claire weekes books – thank goodness I did.

Paul David, or anyone who can help.

I have had this problem for about 7 months. I keep analyzing words in my head to the point where English sometimes sounds like a foreign language. Words just sound unfamiliar, ….like if you say a word a lot of times it has no meaning. This is so annoying. Maybe it’s just an offshoot of depersonalization. I already feel very self-aware and detached from myself…but I know it goes away from time to time, so I’m sure I’ll get over all that eventually…but my mind is just going over words again and again when I’m listening to people. It’s so frustrating. Has anyone experienced this? Can I really believe something like this will go away? It makes hanging out with friends frustrating because I’m in the middle of a conversation and it just sounds so foreign.

Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.

Hi,
Can anyone give some advice on how not to worry?

Paul, I read your book, including the chapter on worry. I know it’s useless, but no matter how many times I tell myself that, I still worry.

I’m a musician, and whenever I have a performance, I get so anxious weeks before. I have a big program for Christmas and, even though it’s a ways away, I’m so anxious about it.

Anyone have any advice on worry, I would appreciate it.

Thank you!

Emma,

yes, believe me, this is normal for anxiety!` I have wondered that kind of thing for so long that it means nothing at all to have that thought pop up. Eventually you’ll see that it is just a thought. Sometimes it helps to remember when you were a kid. Just imagine when you were like 3 years old. If someone said, “Hey Emma, none of this is real” it would mean nothing at all. Nothing whatsoever.

You wouldn’t even understand the concept of what is real and unreal when you were a kid.

Therefore it’s just a stupid thought. It had no effect until you gave it immense respect. Logic does this.

I’ve studied philosophy and religion ever since senior year of high school…about 10 years ago, and I have so many annoying abnormal thoughts it is ridiculous. But they don’t bother me as much as they used to. I definitely find myself wishing from time to time that I was just a dumb person who did not have the burden of intellect. If you think too much about anything you turn it weird. My advice to my future children will be: Don’t think too much about anything. Just play sports, play music, date girls..etc. I don’t want you to go through what I’ve gone through.

Hope this is comforting in some way.

Helen thank you so much for ur reassuring comments makes me feel a lot better, my toilet is going to be out of order soon.

My mistake could cause pretty bad effects and I feel if it did – and there is a chance Im sure I could live with that. That’s my fear and believe me it’s so hard to get past that,

But like you said maybe I have blown it up. 3 nights on the trot with no sleep and no food. Im not going to go on much longer without being ill. Im trying to accept the churning in my stomach it’s just hard, What did you do, hope your ok and feeling strong xx

Hi Sara A,
I feel for you so much with what you are going through but you will get past it as I have and so have many others but I do know how horrendous and hopeless it feels for you right now.
You are so in tune with yourself and nothing else that everything is magnetised a million times. Every thought, action & memory is being analysed, checked over and processed. For me, it was like looking at myself whilst I was doing everything that is why you are so aware of saying every word in your head and no someone without anxiety wouldn’t do this. Someone without anxiety would just write the words without giving them too much thought but Sara, you have anxiety. You are looking inwardly constantly, checking in and this is because you are frightened and desperate to get better.

What you are Sara (from reading your posts, forgive me if I get this wrong) is a young pregnant woman who is kind (you seem to care about others even when you are feeling like crap) and frightened and living with anxiety. This is what you know. When you look in the mirror you are you. It doesn’t matter that you are finishing sentences from weeks ago, it doesn’t matter that you are so aware of yourself. You can have the most horrendous thoughts whatever they may be and whoever they may be about but it doesn’t change who you are. It doesn’t change the fact that you are a young pregnant woman who is kind and quite frightened at the moment.
You are clearly trying to work it all out still, wondering why you are thinking like you do wondering what everything means and you KNOW that this isn’t helping. When the thoughts come accept them but remember who you are, who you really are.
Your hormones will also be having a bit of a party at the moment with you being pregnant so you have a double whammy!!
Sara, accept everything that is happening to you but be kind to yourself, give yourself a break. You aren’t going mad, you aren’t a bad person, you aren’t going to hurt anyone, you have anxiety and you mustn’t forget that or you will continue with trying to work it all out.
The crux of it is is that you are a girl called Sara and you have anxiety and when anxiety goes you will be Sara. Don’t hope and wait to be better because you will, the pressure you are putting yourself under is keeping you in the grip of anxiety.

All the best
Helen

Hi,
I’m new to this website and i have to say I think its fantastic and its really helped me out in the past few days. My story with anxiety has been off/on for past ten years or so, and I suffered my worst after the birth of my daughter who is now ten. I suffered as i didn’t get the correct support and information, not like what’s available today. For the past five years I’ve lived relatively free from anxiety, not to say i didn’t experience it, I certainly did, but it never overwhelmed me like it once did, and i could usually pinpoint the trigger (too much alcohol, hormones, stress etc) and let it run its course! Although i held onto some phobias, which i avoided, this year I overcame my fear of flying. But one of my worst fears recently became a reality which has thrown me right smack bang in the middle of a setback, one I’m struggling with. I was always fearful of becoming pregnant again and I’d made the decision years ago I was happy with my one beautiful child. Out of the blue, 6 weeks ago I discovered i was pregnant, I have a loving partner and a great life, but neither of us wanted anymore children so we made the decision to not go through with it. This shock of being pregnant, the process of terminating and the roller coaster of hormones and stress, has left me a mess! Although I used my skills and allowed the anxiety to be there and out of the past 5 weeks I’ve only had a few really bad days, until last week! My cycle finally returned and I had told myself that once this happened i could move on and go back to normal, this didn’t happen! For the past week I’ve been having overwhelming anxiety! And I’m terrified that I’ll end up back where I was ten years ago with postnatal depression. I’ve been doing my best to ‘keep on keeping on’, I haven’t missed one days work, despite not being able to eat, sleep or think about anything else other than my ruminating stupid head! Although I had a good weekend, went to the country with my partner and our kids and i was relatively calm, it just seems so up and down! One minute my mind is telling me I’ll be fine it’ll pass, then the next I’m despairing!! I’ve spoken to a few close girlfriends who’ve all reassured me that this is normal and it will pass, but to feel this bad again after being on top of it for so many years is pretty scary! I’m determined to not have to return to ‘therapy’, as im not sure how many more skills they can teach (I could teach them) and I’ve always avoided medication, which i still will! But i seem to be enveloped in it, its suffocating!! I no all I have to do is nothing, but my tired mind and body are picking at it all the time! Even in the hours that I feel good and its definatly reduced and the voice in my head has settled and I’m able to talk and thing other things, its still niggling away! People around me would have absolutely no idea I’m so good at hiding it, but i miss my old happy self, and want it to pass, when i feel better I feel so relieved, but when the thoughts consume me and i feel doom, my heart sinks and i think, god this will go on for months again!! Any reassurance would be appreciated 🙂

I HAVEN’T BEEN ON HERE FOR A WHILE AND I AM LOOKING FOR A BIT OF FRIENDLY ADVICE.

I HAVE BEEN RECOVERING FOR ABOUT 6 MONTHS NOW AND I AM LIVING A Life almost completely the same as my old but in a more mindful and calmer way. I really am very proud of how far I have come and the adjustments I have made to get here., little sidetrack put please to all the newbies, stay with the Blog this really is the best site out there and the advice really does work. time is the best healer for this but unfortunately, it takes time, cheesy advice true but now over.

One little niggle is still here and I wondered if affects anyone else, my biggest anxiety was always myself, I could not understand my anxiety and was therefore convinced it was a serious mental illness. Since that worry has left and I have so much room for other worries I still find I am easily obsessive with certain thoughts.

At the moment it is my relationship, I am worried at all times that it isn’t going to work or that I am going to end up unhappy like my Mum and Step-Dad. Are these normal worries or is anxiety still there and is going to sabotage my relationship.

I have always been a worrier and I know it is my makeup and personality but I am concerned that recovery isn’t as near and I have just shifted my worries to another subject.

I also hate feeling like a doom and gloom Munger, I wasted so much time thinking about the worst-case scenario I just want to be a little more positive and I truly adore my new man I just cannot seem to live in the present I am always slightly dreading the future.

Sorry for the rant but here always seems like the perfect place to vent.

Hi Nick

I can sympathise with parts of your post

” I have accepted the way I am for the moment, It’s just I’m still so worried. Some days much more than others, but even on good days the thoughts are still there it’s just their impact is not as severe. ”

I too have read Paul’s and Claire Weekes’ books. I have had some fabulous days but I also struggle with the worrying thoughts. If I feel slightly anxious I start having the “oh no I am never going to be rid of this” and the constant worrying about my future with this condition. However, sometimes I just think to myself” So what, who cares!” I feel awful, I go around constantly worrying about it and I feel worse so stuff it I am not going to worry about this for another second and just let it be and eventually I get some relief. I know this sounds so simple but it works and yes the anxiety does come back but I just have to keep letting it be there and not caring! I am currently going through a set back and as I type this I know the words are true but I am finding the attitude hard to apply. But I will persevere and hope for the best.

Jessica

CC,
Please stick with it. Do not give in to what is happening to you. Don’t be fooled into thinking you aren’t getting better. Every day that you get up and go to work and do the everyday things that you have to means that you are recovering, it just doesn’t feel like it because of the thoughts you are having and how your body feels.
Remember, this is a setback. Setbacks are shocking as you have had a time when you have felt better and when setbacks happen it plunges you straight back into some of the worst times you have had but it is a SETBACK. Don’t forget what you know. Don’t analyse, don’t fight and let whatever thoughts come to you to be there.

The obsessive thinking passes but you have to let it happen. You know when you are obsessing so accept, be obsessive about whatever the subject is at the time but don’t act on it, don’t wonder why it is happening. You will stop obsessing about one thing and then something else will be the subject but it eventually just goes. If you accept your thoughts, anxiety becomes bored because it isn’t getting the same reaction from you. Anxiety is powered by your reaction to it. When you give anxiety your full attention it is like a very bright light but as you accept and stop trying to work it all out the light slowly fades to nothing but this takes time, you can’t just switch the light off!
Be patient, accept THIS IS ANXIETY and know that you will get through it.
This time 2 years ago, I would never in a million years have thought that I could understand anxiety, would never have thought that I would be happy again and if I am honest this time 2 years ago there were times when I didn’t want to carry on at all but I knew I was still me at some level, somewhere deep inside so I kept on and I am so glad I did.
Accept that this is anxiety and know that with strength and patience you will get through this.

All the best
Helen

Helen a million thank yous for your kind words. Im feeling better tonight not 100% but im eating! I will remember my old ways and let the feelings be there let it churn let it scare me. Im glad its not just me who feels like this, yet at times it can be so lonely in the prison of anxiety.

Im scared of everything these days its mental. I was planning pregnancy in May but might leave it a while having a baby in this state is not good for her/him. Its funny I don’t worry I can’t get pregnant but worry something will be wrong with the baby, something I do 🙁 im so fearful my actions affect others I have no idea why this is. People make mistakes I know this but I CANNOT the thought of me altering someone’s life for the worse because of a STUPID mistake is something I cannot handle. Im like this about everyone. I went to the dentist last week, convinced the girl helping the dentist had done something to my injection – had a feeling she didn’t like me because of a past boyfriend. I mean WHAT?!? how irrational is that? I understand the concept of feel the fear and do it anyway but its so much harder than I ever thought. I have no interest in my job that I used to love so much. Ive lost my party girl ways even my fashion interest has gone 🙁 it takes a lot for me not to want to dress nice.

I like the way you describe it as a light, it’s very true I can’t turn it off just let it fade. Im going to think of that. Someone gave me a great piece of advice that directly relates to me – think for the moment, don’t worry about the future until it happens. That’s most of my FEAR in the future… Im all talk tho no action.

Is it a good idea to take a new interest up like paul did, running, playing guitar singing lessons, joining a netball club. I love my yoga sessions I wish I could find more than one a week.

Thanks for all the advice on here everyone, esp Helen today, ur the star I needed today you made a girl feel a lot better. x

Thanks Clare – your post came just at the right time for me – travel always sets off my anxiety and I have to throw myself on to train or into the car. (not literally)The DP is always prevalent on these occasions which, as most of us are aware, can be quite alarming. Often I feel as I am going to disappear during a conversation as I don’t feel real or part of ‘normal’ life. Nevertheless, the 9-32 train awaits tomorrow and weather permitting I will be on it !!

Just to let people know I will be putting up a new post next week, which will be a few of the best success stories I have saved/pulled up recently. I am going to try and cut and paste the stories in, but wordpress blogs seem to have a problem with this and the layout and fonts end up all over the place, so if it does not work I will have to use the comment boxes below to place the stories in, this works far better.

The snow is still not shifting here either 🙁

ethel,

”I work in the field of Mental Health … and I never EVER thought that I would suffer in this way. That’ll teach me then wont it!!”………first off just let me be the first to tell you that you are in no way mentally ill, all you are is just mentally tired. there is a huge difference! your nerves have just taken a bashing and now its time for you to give them the space they need to heal up, so don’t let your anxiety hold you back from living your life, try to live it the way you were before you got anxiety, no matter how horrible you feel. this is the way forward. don’t give any of your symptoms the respect they don’t deserve!!! this is the biggest problem I suffered with, i paid my symptoms way too much respect and gave into them! and slowly but surely im still getting my life back the way it was…… and as for people who have suffered for years, trust me these people are the ones that either have very little knowledge on anxiety and rather take their ‘magic pills’, or people that are very knowledgable about anxiety but still refuse to implement the certain changes they have to make and give in to their symptoms. so consider yourself very lucky that you have suffered for only 2 months and within that space, you have found this site and the support you need, trust me if you listen to paul and do what he says you will be rid of anxiety sooner rather than later, but the main thing is not to put a time limit on recovery, live and accept anxiety for as long as it needs. since i found pauls site back in July(i think it was) I have been on the road to recovery since and trust me it is a very up and down spiral!!! I suppose the last piece of advice i can give you is don’t go googling symptoms! that’s one of the worst things I did! a perfect example is that i have head and body tremors and i didn’t know that it was a symptom of anxiety so i went googling and all sorts came up-Parkinsons,MS,epilepsy etc and i spent months waiting from the hospital to get the results from my scans and blood tests etc!!!! and that’s when i found other people that have suffered with them from anxiety! any questions ya have never hesitate to ask on this site cause will always get an answer!

marc 🙂

Cheers Marc, I appreciate your quick response. I haven’t googled any symptoms I had received advice early on not to do this. I am bunching everything under the anxiety umbrella. You say you found this site in July … oooh! that seems an awful long time to still be suffering – have your ‘improvements’ been good and noticeable or is life still a struggle for you? I realise that I have little choice but to accept how I am feeling but I am not going to pretend that it is easy, the things that were once so easy are now tinged with fear/physical sensations and trepidation. It is early days for me but I have made some steps towards progress. At least I get up and dressed in the morning, go for walks, tidy the house (a little) and cook dinner for my family. These seeem like tiny steps but if you could have seen me 5/6 weeks ago, even these insignificant things were impossible. I am so, so envious of those who have recovered and like everyone else, I am afraid that ‘what if’ I am the one person who doesn’t. I dont want to ‘manage’ my anxiety – what sort of life is that? I want to get better, I want my life back.

Ethal says: Paul if you are out there, does this short period of suffering and finding your information at an earlier stage mean that my road to recovery will be a shorter one (I don’t want this monkey on my back for years and years)

Ethal if you read the post above it answers your question. Don’t put time frames on anything and demand a quick solution. People who suffer a long time (like I did) is all down to the fact they don’t find the right help soon enough, not because they are different. But if you read above it will tell you that the quicker people get the right info, the better, habits are not as ingrained and memory is not as fresh.

It is never about how you feel, it is your reaction to it that is important. Like someone who has anxiety-based thoughts, if they perceive them to be real, if they let them scare them, if they take them serious, try not to think this way, get frustrated by them, think they are real, then they are going to get stuck in a cycle. If however they smile at them and truly understand and believe that they are just anxiety-based and get on with their day, they will move forward far quicker, the thought has no fear to feed on.

The same thing happening, just 2 different reactions.

I never got rid of my symptoms, there was no magic pill or sentence that made it all go away, it was my change in attitude to how I felt that moved me on to full recovery. The change in attitude was mainly through knowledge, how could I ever accept something that I did not understand?

My whole day used to be built around feeling better, this got me nowhere, once I educated myself I did the exact opposite. Once I finally understood why I felt the way I did, it was no longer the big enemy holding me back from living my life, more my annoying brother 🙂

Sorry! … it’s me AGAIN. Friends have just left. At the start I was terrified of facing them, burst into tears and hid in my room. I knew they would comment on my weight loss. BUT … then I thought … sod this! and came down the stairs, yes, I still cried, yes, they did comment on my weight losss and then I cried some more but I stayed downstairs and chatted with them. Parts of the conversation were odd and I felt so unenthusiastic and detached and I had little interest in the conversation but I stuck it out and now I feel very proud of myself. I told them what has been happening with me and they were great, they told me not to be embarrassed and reassured me that I would get better … in time. I seem to cry at the drop of a hat these days … is this normal? Strangely, crying does appear to help sometimes. This anxiety thing can be so overwhelming and sometimes I just need to release the cork and let the tears come … is it ok to do this? I have to admit that I am struggling to just ‘go with the flow’ and my physical symptoms seem to push harder and harder to get a reaction from me. I know that I have a road ahead … and one that I have to travel alone but does anyone ever feel down about this?? I dont want to PRETEND or go around FORCING the smiles etc … it is just so bloody wearing. I am talking more about my anxiety as I just dont want to act out being me … is talking about it ok? Ahh … so many questions, please forgive me … I am a newbie!! …. Also, I cant wait to hear some success stories …. this would give me a boost and regenerate my motivation.

Thanks for listening.

hi everyone,

Doe’s anyone still get sensitised nerves when you are almost recovered? like sometimes i would feel irritated for no reason, and just feel like lashing out. now that i know what causes anxiety which is sensitisation followed by fear on why that is happening, i am not so worried. but i just want to know if anyone still thinks/ finds that their nerves are still a little sensitised?

Dear Paul, Scarlet, Candie,

I just have a question for the three of you or anyone else who has fully recovered. I guess I really just need some reassurance. I feel so close to my “normal” self after beginning the healing process from anxiety a few months ago… I feel that I have gotten very good at the “whatever” attitude towards my anxiety and so many thoughts but I am struggling with the “questioning life” thoughts; “why are we all here,” “who am I”, “what are humans”, “why do we do the things we do and look the way we do”, ect.. So much questioning, haha. I know I latch onto these thoughts more because of my anxiety because I have always questioned life and before suffering even sometimes enjoyed them and almost felt proud that I thought these things and didn’t just believe one thing about life.

I just am struggling to accept these thoughts now and I do worry that now that I have put so much emotion into them I will always question like this…sometimes I feel like I’m losing my mind when I start to think about life in this way and question everything… I really just want the peace of mind and looking at life as a gift again. I just wonder if any of you experienced these thoughts throughout your recovery and how you helped these thoughts to fade and even appreciate your “life questions” again? Sometimes when I am feeling positive, I think this is almost what comes along with coming through anxiety because you are coming out stronger and almost being “reborn.” Hope this post and my questions made sense. I think I just need some reassurance that the “questioning life” thoughts fade away like other thoughts.and I will live with peace of ming again.. Thank you so much for all of your support; hearing stories of recovery is what helps and guides me the most! I know I will and look forward to posting when I am fully recovered! Thank You!

Paul or anyone with some good advice.
I have posted some days ago about my story with anxiety and all its symptoms.
Pretty much it started as a panic attack because stress and too much negative thinking I guess. Then all the worry about health and thinking I was sick or some hearth problem.. all that worrying then became anxiety 24/7. I still remember when it all kind of just when off and then:
All the questioning about myself, feeling of detachment, questions about life, spirituality and who I am.. and the list just goes on and on.
I will get scared about having a stroke or heart attack, and I will be checking my self constantly.

About a month or so of not knowing what was going on I googled and found this site. I am so grateful for all the good advice I have found from Paul’s book and other members that help people like me.

I would just like to get cheered up a little though, I am starting to think that I haven’t accepted it YET and I will get a very low mood where I just want to cry and cry. Is it ok to do this?
Any simple scary event I read or topic of conversation will get stuck in my head and making me feel very uncomfortable.
I have noticed that I cant seem to concentrate on simple tasks or on a conversation, which sometimes people notice and then I feel upset at it as well.

A ton of “what if’s” still are around my head, and doubts about recovering and being me again… I have a trip planned for next month and I would love to be able to enjoy every moment of it :D.

So Paul, Scarlet, Fiona or any that can give me some good input I will LOVE it.

Have a great week everyone!.

Can anyone relate to the following:
I have suffered from anxiety for almost 3 years. (with some good days scattered in too) I have in the last few months starting taking tablets from the doctors and they do seem to have helped. However, my problem is this: I spend most days feeling worried, on edge and really sick in my stomach (I have had days when I feel fairly relaxed and well) Its when I wake in the morning the sickness and worry just jump on me and I spend the day trying to shake it (in my head I am saying its fine to feel like this, just get on with your day, and then, oh god why do I feel like this again) however in the early eve and night I feel great almost 100 per cent.I have a clear mind, I have an appetite and I generally sleep really well. I then think Oh I feel so good but I know when I wake in the morning I will feel bad all over again and I can’t help myself to stop this. I am having CBT too and that sort of helps as well. So to summarise: why do I feel so caught up in the day and manage to feel almost fine in the evenings..any help or thoughts would be appreciated. I do sometimes wonder if recovery is really possible…Also, I do all the things I want to do no matter how uncomfortable they feel and normally end up just fine. Have had some good evenings with friends, dancing, singing home to bed feeling great, wake up…feel as bad as ever…

I had the odd panic attack before the whole anxiety thing but they were short-lived and nothing like the actual anxiety. I thought I must have OCD as a reason for the constant recurring thoughts and googled it etc but I can assure you it’s just another symptom. I think a few factors cause it… Awareness of your own thinking because your tense and looking for particular thoughts, worrying constantly and the inability to relax and shrug your shoulders at the thoughts keeps you ruminating. But I assure you it’s not OCD like all symptoms they fade as you make progress
Fu xx

Sorry,

Just needed to say this, when my mood if fairly reasonable I can push myself to try to be more positive and that’s the only way I start to feel more with it. But like I said every other week or so I can actually feel my mood dropping slightly and then I just spiral until I am back to not wanting to do anything, not wanting to talk to anyone, just feeling sorry for myself. I have always been a mardy person (I can admit that) but this is different, this is the biggest challenge I have ever faced and the scary things is that only I can get out of it, but I feel my mardy side will not let me be strong inside. Sorry for the negativity, last week I would have posted saying how great it feels to be alive, I suppose some of you understand where I am coming from x

Rosemary,

Although my post an hour ago was very negative, i’ve cried enough for today and want to say I feel Fiona is right when it comes to feeling bad in the morning and good at night. I used to feel that way too, and too be honest still do a little. I do think not paying any attention helped me to not feel as bad in the morning, and yes I also think it’s all a learnt behaviour… but what a struggle to change a bad habbit. x we will get there in time

Hi Emma,

If you have anxiety, and if you are having persistent and nagging thoughts in which you question life in an anxious manner, you can rest-assured that these thoughts are anxiety-based same as any other obsessive thoughts. I didn’t struggle so much with ‘questioning life’, but I did struggle with many forms of obsessive thinking in other areas. At one point, for example, when my anxiety was really bad, the thought came into my mind, “What if I’d completely lose it and kill those who are closest to me, perhaps my parents?” How odd and how absurd! Yet this thought scared me very much at the time, and so it kinda latched on to my mind for a while. As long as I thought that the fearful response I got from this thought was, or even that it POSSIBLY was an insight into reality or truth, it continued to make me absolutely anxious and miserable. Once I saw it for what it was–simply the inner workings of anxiety on a tired mind and body–I no longer feared the thought. It still stuck around for a bit, but I no longer cared, because I saw it for the b.s. that it was. Once you come to see your anxious thoughts in this way (it does not matter what they are about), it is inevitable that they will leave you. Only while you still take them to be insights or potential insights about how you really are, or how the world really is, will you take these thoughts seriously, and therefore analyze them. Stop the analysis by seeing these thoughts for what they are: they are all bogus, and that remains true no matter how loudly they may scream to the contrary. From now on, when those thoughts of yours come, recognize them for what they are. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that you have to “feel” that they are false; the feeling part comes in time. For now, just KNOW that they are false, and that the fearful feelings that come along with them are to be explained in terms of the fact that you have anxiety, not because they (the thoughts) are real.

You are just fine, Emma, no matter how you may be feeling. There is nothing majorly or seriously wrong with you or anyone else whose major problem is anxiety; you only think that there is (or that there very well might be) because your currently sensitized mind and body makes all these strange thoughts and sensations seem so very real and important. They seem so real at times that it can be very difficult not to think, “There just has to be something more to this than the mere fact that I have anxiety. There must be something else”– and we then proceed to go round in circles trying to figure out what this ‘something else’ could possibly be. I did this same thing, and for many years, and I never improved but found myself gradually getting worse. Then, as I read over the information on Paul’s site here, it gradually began to dawn on me that this constant searching for the ‘something else’ was a fools errand–that there was nothing majorly wrong with me at all, and everything could be explained on the sole basis that I had anxiety. I was simply ‘covered’ with a layer of nervous sensitization which would leave me as I stopped worrying about it and began to live my life, and this sensitization was, in the final analysis, paper thin. It is all surface.

I hope some of this helps. 🙂

Hello everyone

I’ve recently started to see the difference everyday since my anxiety attack last week. I went from disturbing thoughts it seemed like every second and non stop headaches from thinking about it and trying to fight it, to eventually everythin is starting to slow down. I still get some thoughts and still upsets me that I’m thinking this way but I’m tryin to stay positive and give everyone hope that you will overcome this. It’s just all about Time and you will feel better! 🙂

Hi Paulina,

Crying itself is not necesarily a problem, but I would try to avoid all thoughts of self-pity. If you are feeling down, it is OK to feel down…but try not to get down over the fact that you’re feeling down (if that makes sense?). It’s similar to saying “don’t fear your fear.” When we begin thinking deeply about the anxious state we are in and feeling sorry for ourselves because of it, (and I know how easy this is to do!), desparatly wishing that it would all just go away, we are doing the very opposite of accepting. To truly accept is to be OK with how you are feeling for the time-being, and making no effort to rid yourself of your anxious thoughts and feelings. If they are going to stick with you all day long, so be it. If they are going to be with you when you go to a party, a movie, to dinner with friends–well, that is OK too. It is OK because, now that you see them for what they are–just a bunch of uncomfortable sensations, none of them threatening, and false or unlikely thoughts, being fueled by anxiety alone–you no longer see them as important or worth delving into. You trust that they will leave on their own once you stop paying them so much respect and attention, which you are even now in the process of doing.

Kat,

Well done!!

I am also having what you refer to as “waves”, yep it hurts so much when the negative feelings come back. I bet if like me, over the last week when you look back you probably did not pay much attention to your thoughts and feelings and you thought you had “Cracked It!!” and then for no reason what so ever you start to feel a little low and then it all come flooding back?

I am so full of self pity and that is my main problem. Yes I find it very very difficult to pull myself out of the self pity thing, but I keep looking at this as all part of the process. I think we have to go through this. My slightly possitive side although it not strong, i keep reminding myself that I have good times and bad times. I know I don’t have to give either of them too much respect and just keep carrying on regardless, but it’s so easy to put into words isn’t it?

Chin up

A big thanks to C,Fiona and Si for the reply, it means alot that people take timeout to listen and respond.
I cant imagine how people coped before the internet and sites like this one. Looking forward to the positive recovery stories as I find they give me so much positivity and confirm that recovery is possible.Thanks Paul.

I know that things have improved for me loads but i know i still get frustrated by the panic and sickness in the mornings but I will treat it as morning sickness, take away its importance and let it go.
Wishing you all a VERY relaxed and CALM day..xxx

Rosemary, great advice to yourself ‘take away its importance and let it go’

One thing I will say is ‘don’t think we have to like how we feel’ I still disliked the way I felt at times during my recovery, but just got on with my day, the old me would return in time. It takes a lot of faith at times as you want the quick fix, the googling may start again, the self pity, I would sometimes get dragged into it again, but soon stopped and regained my faith in what I knew was the right.

When you start to see improvements you KNOW you are on the right track. That is why so many come back on here to say how much better they are feeling, they are not there yet, but with the improvements know it is only a matter of time, they know this is the way and want to share it with others.

Don’t over complicate recovery. What you feel is stress induced symptoms, so don’t stress about them and keep yourself in the cycle. Your mind is tired through all the worry and deep thinking, so don’t add more worry and deep thinking that will tire it further. You feel distant and unconnected because you are so concerned about how you feel and let nothing else into your day, so do the opposite and learn to pay how you feel no mind and just live your life alongside how you feel.

When we first suffer it is understandable why we sink further and make the above mistakes, as we don’t understand why we feel this way, how to help ourselves, we don’t even have a name for the way we feel. It is totally understandable why we worry and spend each day going over and over how to make it better, but now we have some answers and knowledge that can reverse the way we feel, the success stories will enforce this.

The new post on the success stories will now be next week, I have all the stories in my documents, but my computer is at the repair shop due to me cracking the screen and I am having to borrow one and don’t have access to my documnets, as soon as I have my laptop back I will post them up.

Paul

Hello Joe,
just i bit curious how long it take for you to recover to the stage at where you are now?, because i’m right in the middle of a setback. I felt so well on the last few months, almost without any anxiety symptoms, but a very stressful period at work made me feel very tired with some very strange thoughts popping in my mind. I’m not impatient at all, and fully understand my condition, but after a so long period of feeling good it’s somehow unpleasant this setback. 🙂
Thanks!

another one of those days……. GRRRR its up and down up and down. Im doing the naughty thing and taking the rest of week f work, im so tired im falling asleep atmy desk and feeling nauseas all morning. The panic is there and im not trying to rid it I just need to know everything is going to be ok 🙁

By the way is it me or is there alot more people with anxiety and stress problems at the moment? I see more and more people not being able to cope with their feelings and emotions. I wish they could see this site to know that they are ok and can get better.

I wish I could know that my worry is ok but I cant know, i just gotta wait x

Hiya every1,

I seem to be getting alot worse. I’m starting to worry about remembering everything. If someone says a name my mind will actually go back and remember it and its all adding up. Am i doing this or is this anxiety? I worry why i remember names of places. Even typing that makes my mind want to find a place i have been. I seem to tell myself everything im looking at aswell and what im doing. Its like narrative. And then i start questioning if im actually saying it in my head or wether its coming naturally. Whenever i think of this blog aswell the name natalie always jumps into my head because its one of the top ones. Im scared as to wether im making myself say stuff or wether its anxiety? I’m goin food shopping later with my mum and im so scared because of all the items that i could remember. If i notice that i havent said in my head what i have seen then it triggers it to actually say it. like impulsive. How do i stop my mind from wanting to refer back to stuff i have heard or seen? i don’t want to do this but its like my mind is obsessed.

A negative post again im afraid. I have tried my best and i havent been on for a while so if anyone could help. I feel so alone and lost right now.
I havent heard anyone say that they had this. The voice in my head that i hear is mine but why cant i look at something without it saying what it is im looking at? its always bringing up stuff that i dont actually need to know.

Thank you

xxx

Also Sara A, the voice in your head is anxiety, nothing else. You aren’t going mad and you aren’t alone in this symptom.

Helen,

That’s so true what you are saying but also like you said very hard to do. When I get the down times I can realy get down, then It’s too hard to get back up. But I understand what you are saying. I don’t want to go into great detail but I work in a public service that can be very demanding and stressfull, but when I attend an incident I am my old self for most of the time, don’t have a worry in the world other than the job I am doing and then all of a sudden I can get this what I call “PANG” and instant moment of memory of feeling down I suppose. I am still trying to put alot of this acceptence into practice but yes it’s hard. However I hope I am doing it right because I do get good days and bad days.

Sara – this is also me down to a “T” – I can talk myself out of doing anything, however I am learning to talk myself into doing things and just letting be, it’s not easy but I know from past experiences of not wanting to do something and then doing it makes you feel that little bit better, maybe not for long, but long enough to feel a glimps.

Paul – Eye floaters??? I have had these for years and years yet only thought I had anxiety over 18months after a breakdown – does this mean I have had mild anxiety for more that I think I have?

Si

Hi Sara A,
That’s it!! Anxiety is a bully and it will bully you for as long as you let it. Let it do what it wants to do and it will fade as the power it holds over you becomes weaker and weaker.
You will recover Sara, of that I have no doubt whatsoever. Stay strong and patient.

All the best
Helen

Hi everyone,

I just want to drop by to say hi and a million thanks to Paul for setting up this blog. 2 months ago I suffered from anxiety, and my life was instantly turned upside down. I started to be afraid of everything and thoughts just came by even without me thinking about it.

Today, I have made tremendous progress in healing my own anxiety. With the ways which Paul has written, I begin to focus more on my life and started picking things up instead of staying at home. I have had bad days, where a random thought which popped up in my head would cause me to fall back into the anxiety cycle. But today, I truly understand what Paul meant by accepting and not giving any attention to the thoughts. The obsessive thoughts would just disappear almost instantly when I pay it no attention.

Just want to say a million thanks to you. I was lucky that I stumbled upon your blog without suffering for too long.

Teresa J, I know what you mean you sometimes think ‘surely you should be off by now?’ but you just remember to keep going. I dont come on here much, I feel better for not coming on and I think this is us moving on from support and looking at ourselves all the time. I find though that because I am moving on and I know I am that when it suddenly comes I forget what to do as ive got use to it not being there (makes me laugh sometimes). Im still scared of it but I just let it be there and move on. Your help really supported me on my holiday, makes you think when your walking around such a large place like disneyworld that there could be hundreds in here with anxiety too! I feel DP is creeping back a little so im trying to remember to just laugh and shake it off and focus on the present! Booked another holiday to keep me just letting anxiety be there! x
Sydney Carton Im glad my comments came along at the right time, sometimes I think ‘this is so annoying’ but I guess its just us moving on and being ready to carry on life without anxiety!
I dont care what it does now I just let it hang about till its bored and goes away!

Yep worried about death, then whether my partner is right or wrong now worry about ‘f the world real’ Ha ha so funny. But you can see the bluff as when you start to worry about something else your worries about the other things goes away and you don’t evn think about it. Laughable real all of it
xx

this feeling of depersonalization: where all your attention is on yourself and you can’t shake it. It’s like you’re on drugs all the time and all you see is yourself talking to people, yourself doing things. Is there any advice on making this go away? I’m living with it. I’m going to work with it. I’m faking like everything’s ok…but I just can’t shake the attention on myself.

Is the best way to get over this, just to be as social as possible? To be constantly occupied ? Or what? ANy ideas. It’s the most surreal feeling.

Hi Sasha,
You can’t get rid of monitering your feelings, it will just go, in time. When you are talking to someone and your focus is on you, it makes it hard to engage in the conversation and this is turn causes a major problem.
Your emotions become heightened because you want to be ‘normal’ again and the act of not being able to hold any sort of conversation is very upsetting because this is the basic form of communication for all of us. When you can’t really hear and take in what someone else is telling you it is awful and you feel worse and your inward thinking gets deeper and deeper and then you want to retreat. Anxiety at this point wins with a lot of people and they start to avoid communication with people as they cannot face how this feels. This is classic avoidance.
When you are talking to someone don’t ‘try’ and focus on them. Trying to focus immediately puts you under pressure as you are attempting to do something that won’t come naturally to you at the moment. Talk to people with the acceptance of knowing that you have anxiety. When your mind picks up on a word or a sentance and starts attacking you with it say ‘there goes anxiety again’ and stay in the conversation. This is very hard and for a while you have to learn to ‘nod, smile and say yes’. I am not telling you to act but this is a way for you stick with it. The more you do this, the more you will be communicating and gradually you will find that you do actually start conversing with people. You will find that you will start to focus really on what they are saying. When this happens you start to ‘spark’. It is like coming back to life, things that poeple talk about, things that you hear start to ignite in your brain and the focus on anxiety starts to weaken.
The crux of my rambling is this: don’t try an ‘rid’ yourself of this habit, it will go on it’s own. Accept that this is anxiety and ‘talk’ to as many people as you can. Your attention on you will gradually fade and you won’t feel as self conscious, I promise but it will take time. Don’t put pressure on yourself.

All the best
Helen

Hi Ian,
When I was in the thick of my anxiety, I was literally frightened to look at my partner. I was horrified of the thoughts that would come into my head, they were awful and I couldn’t stop them. I wanted to tell him that I loved him, I wanted to feel that I loved him but I couldn’t feel anything but panic and then shame and guilt for thinking like this. I wanted to run away from all that was happening to me but something stopped me. I was looking for an answer continuously, any reason why this was happening to me. I didn’t feel able to connect with anyone not just my partner. I couldn’t do the shopping, I couldn’t walk to work, I couldn’t do anything without my thoughts coming at me and taking over and the incessant slog of trying to work out why this was happening. This was day in day out for so, so long.
Then I tried a different approach. I forced myself to do the opposite of what anxiety was making me do which was cutting myself off from the rest of the world. I knew I loved my partner, so I told him even though for a while I really thought I must be a liar as my head was telling me that this wasn’t ok. I was looking at him telling him ‘I love you you know’ whilst my head was telling me ‘no you don’t’ and inside the panic was horrendous but I knew that this was the only way to go. I joined a theatre group and whilst smiling at people and saying ‘hi, how are you?’ I felt like my world was crumbling around me as my head wouldn’t stop. I felt like running away, I didn’t want to do this. I wanted to feel real in the world not like I was acting in it but I didn’t. Deep down, you are guided by who you are that is why anxiety never actually completely wins as you are in a constant battle with it and yourself. That is why people with anxiety aren’t mad as they often think they might be.
You aren’t going to be the life and soul of any conversation for a long while, I wasn’t. You have to accept all the things you have listed above, the thought, your percieved reaction to it, the inward thinking, everything but you need to believe that this is part of your recovery. IT REALLY IS. You say in your post above that you were in a meeting where you wanted to run and cry but you were in the meeting, anxiety wins when you stop going into your meetings. You clearly can do this but it is very hard.
You have to accept what is happening to you and carry on. The ‘doing’ is accepting and carrying on. You aren’t stupid, you have anxiety and you are going to be confused and scared for a while but carry on, go to your meetings feeling like crap, ‘be’ in a conversation whilst feeling like crap but do not question what is happening in your head whilst it is happening. You may have to act for a little while to get you through but this isn’t a bad thing, it will help you to carry on doing normal everyday things until you are back to your old self.
I hope this has made some sense, it is a bit difficult to explain things via posts sometimes.
Just so that you know, I fully recovered a while ago but whilst I was still quite bad with anxiety I put myself up for a part in a play (I have never acted before). I got the part and was racked with fear but I made a promise to myself not to give up and I did it!! Thoughts flooded at me right until I stepped onstage and were gone the minute I performed. They came back the minute I stepped offstage but I accepted this and every night got easier. Doing the things that frighten you most always prove how strong you are and how anxiety will never beat you.

All the best
Helen

Helen – yet more thanks are due to you. I would say you have no idea how helpful your comments are but as someone who has been through it I think you know that already.

Just to comment on your ‘acting’ experience. I ran a one day conference I have been organising for a while a couple of weeks ago and felt pretty good on the day, in fact people commented on how relaxed I seemed. Although feeling a bit unreal and shaky I did feel OK. It is just crazy though, as before and after it I really felt like I was going mad with all sorts of other things to do with my anxiety, incessant thinking about nonsense, crying, shaking etc. etc. This apparent disparity (like my weekend away) is exhausting.

Awwww Amy thats so sweet, your welcome! When i do come on its to give a bit of advice if i can! You’ll fall pregnant and you and your hubby will be wonderful parents! Are you in the UK? Im in Scotland and currently snowed in. Reason i ask is because having just had i baby i’ve been so impressed by the NHS and i know of people who have had help to concieve through the NHS and have highly praised them also.
Fi xx

Helen,

Just read your response to Ian and am once again glad to have read someone’s comments on feeling frightened/unloving toward their partner. As you know, as I’ve written about it before, this has been the worst symptom of anxiety for me. I feel like I could deal with everything else as long as my love for him is protected, and then, out of the blue, it all went downhill.

I am doing my level best to accept the strange and upsetting thoughts I’m having about my relationship, but am finding it tremendously challenging. I look at him and try to find the emotions I’ve had for him the last eight years and find they’ve been replaced with dread and fear. Also, there has been no physical intimacy for some time because of the anxiety that fills me whenever I think about it, embarrassing as that is to admit. I understand that it takes time to recover from this, but I was wondering if you’d share how long it took for you to begin feeling normal in your relationship again? You once wrote that you emerged from this fog and your relationship was stronger for it, but when did you begin to emerge?

Honestly, this has been the most bewildering experience for me in terms of anxiety, and the most frightening. My last relationship did not survive my obsessive thinking and it’s beyond important to me that this one does. Have you any advice on how to stay patient with this?

Kat

Hi all ,I posted on here about 3-4 months ago about the last of my anxiety symptoms ( well what I thought was the last ) I’ve read Pauls book back to front so many times it helped the most to rid me of anxiety. I have now lent it to a friend and also returned the Claire weeks books to the library after 6 months. All sounds well? My final hurdle that I have now is whilst I was ill and basically inward thinking my girlfriend has got close to a friend of mine over the Internet etc. Now I know anxiety plays tricks on us! but when u find his number in her phone under a differnt name and several other things like they met up after she rang him on 1 nite out with the girls, it sets the obsessive thoughts about wats she up to ? I’ve asked her and she says he’s just a friend . So I ask u, if the things that have happend are real (and there are more) how do u know what’s anixety and what’s real , I love her so much and have got so clingy ( totally the opposite of some people who question there affection) it feels like when u first meet someone u like but every day all day , it’s also like that inward feeling but all about her. If u just mention his name now I get anxious. I now don’t know if I have actually got better or if my worries have just shifted to her and just to add to the mix she’s now three months pregnant which I love to bits but carnt enjoy because I have doubt some days in my mind if Its mine, I’m I mad, sad or still just got anxiety , p.s my councillor signed me off 7 weeks ago saying I was ok but I still get the pit of the stomach worry feeling and not good sleep , please some good advise of anyone , sorry for long rant x

thanks Helen…
i shall try to just be in the conversation as u said…whether i am interested or not..the problem basicaly is of my prejudiced mindset which comes to a conclusion that i am not inetersted to talk to anyone not of anxiety but i have nothing interesting to say ..it feels like an effort to listen to others…as i feel i’m just being nice to them and talking to them where in real i feel im just ‘doing’ and being there for others..gues its classic eg of depression more than anxiety..
before i could go into any gathering or talk to anyone when i convinced myself that i had anxiety so i need to do whatever my mind says no..and i was on a spree..went ahead and did all of that and felt good..
now i dont feel anxiety as such instead a strong emotion of negativity towards me and everyone around..whcih is not helping me to progress..

i am getting annoyed easily fro eg when someone asks me to do a favour
i was so happy to help before now i can only c what people want from me..as if they are all opportunists and if i co operate i wont be able to find myself as a person..(sounds foolish i know) i want to change the mindset which isnt positive but my mind makes me feel its so rigth that people are just making use of me…( i know its just that mindframe which is making things worse..i know that..BUT..i am not able to untrust my mind) this is where i am finding it difficult..
if i knew it is distorted thought i would be able to change it..now it looks more like truth…and i feel bad for thinking that way..its a loop..!
let me just go ahead and try talking to people..the moment i start conversing, mind takes me to anotehr level of analysing what they cud mean and i am not liking it..i just want to talk to someone as they are a normal person and we can talk with no prejudices and negativities..
i am worried as people may think that i m scrutanising them which i cant help it…this makes me not like me as a person…!

Helen

I just wanted to reiterate what others are saying with regards to how helpful your posts are. I have been reading and re-reading Paul’s blog of ‘how long to recover’ and i have highlighted the important bits to try and get them into my subconscious. Your posts are also so reassuring that we can get through this.

Your posts are so so true and if only we could all do this so easily, the thoughts would go away.

Were you on any medication through your recovery process or did you do it alone?

I also think you are doing amazingly well if you have fully recovered and you are still able to talk about it on here and help others.

I am in the process of a good few days but they do not last long, as soon as i am in the car driving home or awake first thing in the morning… guess what i automatically think about!!

I really want this to be gone now as I do feel some good moments of some days (sometimes very good) and it feels so important to me to get this to continue. I have amazing things in my life and i am very fortunate to have these and i do not want to lose them.

I also have a referral come through to see a psychologist, for CBT or possibly something else, I’m not sure whether this was wise to keep the anxiety fresh in my mind.

Hi everyone, great website and forum. The book has halped me a lot. I come back on here when I’m struggling a bit. I still get bouts of anxiety but not as bad as say a couple of years back. It’s still very frustrating when I do get it. I ask this question as there seems to be a pattern. Do you think shift work is an anxiety provoker? ie night shift? I always seem to relapse around night shift or the thought of doing more night shifts.

which book is the best by claire weeks by the way?

Hi cc , the books I read were Self help for your nerves, and essential help for ur nerves, these were very good but pauls book is more up to date and got me through the worst patch by just believing in it ,, it took the fear of fear out of it and the worry out of anxiety and gives u knowledge which gives u understanding to stop more worry. Now as for ur sleep wat helped me were sleeping pills , but don’t just say YES they will work! wat I did was know they were there but try not to use them , at my worst they would only give me about 1-2 hours anyway , but gradually with the reading and acceptance I used them less and less, I’m now at the point were I’ve got some still left but never seem to use them I just accept my problems and get back to sleep sometimes , hope the helps ur sleep because this was the start of the recovery for me x

well congrats on the baby first rob – Im sure its urs dont let anxiety ruin that for you! Try not to think of ur anxiety as gone, because it will never ‘go’ its just youll know how to handle it better?! if you get my drift. My dads a recovering alcholic and his illness will never go but he just knows how to deal with it now and lets it live peacefully beside him, now hes stopped the fight and taken a day at a time hes living a better life.

Hey no offence but if ur are/were anything like me when u were anxious I would be putting numbers under a different name. The last thing my fella would want to do is worry me more! My advice to you, leave her dont go through her phone and trust her especially with a baby on the way. She probably needed someone to talk to. Just make it clear that u trust her, beleieve her but wil never tolerate cheating. The boundaries have been set then. This anxiety is a right pain in the ar*e isnt it.

My main problem is worry its actually going to drive me to insanity if I let myself think about this again, its something that could happen and it would of been my fault, because I was stupid and didnt think. Life threatening of course but when isnt it when it comes to anxiety. I just wish things wouldnt pop up on the news that directly relate to it!!!!! I seen a doctor on the news today and it gave me the sick feeling back in stomach,,, id been doing so well today concentrating on corrie!!!!

I might stay on the beta blockers for a lil while im only on 10mg and although they give me nightmares my heart doesnt fly out of my chest!!

Hi Paulina,
I can very well emphathise with you as at times thoughts comes in wherein certain negative traits of peopl come to forefront and you dont know whether its a true thought or not, whether you need reasoning or just brush it off as anxiety..If the thought was about some unrealistic event it was much easier..but these random thoughts just engages you to analyse…
thanks to Helen …her words consoled me when i was stuck in the rut… and moments when i could be a sensible person and think rationally i decided be it anything the person good or bad..let it be..the more i think of it it makes me feel bad..so i thought of shrugging it off and the more i am in analysing mode…whatever i think does need analysing and the world is such a difficult place to live in…But alternatively, i realise its best to live in peace and be content with what we are…go ahead in life no matter what…
let any disturbing thoughts be on the sidelines..just shrug it off and walk ahead..move on with our life…
i felt this attittude really works for me…but I know after couple of days or weeks i may pop in because i have his analysing habit so ingrained in me….i guess that worry gene is in me..only through practise of accepting i will be able to move forward by being able to bring all disturbing and confusing thoughts under one umbrella..and thats anxiety…!

Hi to everybody,

Just want to make a quick post here as I am experiencing a setback. Previously I was feeling much better and all of a sudden anxiety is back torturing me! Had all sorts of odd and obsessive thoughts which were not with me previously. I am still living my life normally but at the same time it’s like a war raging on in my head. Sometimes I just find it so difficult and wonder when will it all be over but I am following Paul’s advice to stay strong and have faith in myself.

Just a question, is there any way to help combat against irrational thoughts? These thoughts can stay in my mind and I am giving it the “whatever” attitude. But it can really get very exhausting as they would still be shouting in my head although I’m not giving it any attention.

Paul Thanks for the post. where do you think the line is between anxiety giving you irrational worries and real worries? I cant tell wether it is something to worry about ir something ive made up x

where do you think the line is between anxiety giving you irrational worries and real worries? I cant tell wether it is something to worry about ir something ive made up x

Anxiety just intesifies feelings/emotions, so something you would brush off with little thought when anxiety free now seems important, this could be a comment from a friend or a stranger, you may go over things more, a littler problem becomes massive, it is just your heightened anxiety that changes the way you percieve things.

I honestly let everything go over my head, worrying serves no purpose, never has, never will, ask yourself if you have ever worried a problem away? Of course there are things that need sorting and certain stresses in life that we can’t ignore. I went through something a couple of weeks ago that was truly worth stressing over, but rather than worry, I had to sit down and sort it out. There is a difference between worrying about a problem and sorting one out.

The anxious person tends to worry and be more sensitive, but most of it is not worthy of a moments attention. I learnt to let all insecurities go, I built an attitude of what will be will be. I had enough on my plate without going down the worry route, the worry route was one of the big reasons I got worse. I worried how I came across to others, went over a comment from a friend/stranger through being sensitive, worried about getting better, worried my partner would leave me, it never ended and I decided what will happen will happen, this worrying is not helping and is more down to my anxious state and not reality. Now recovered I can’t believe some of the things that had me worried and I understand how destructive worrying about everything is. I am such a laid back person these days and live each day as it comes and don’t worry or go over yesterday or worry about tomorrow or next week. I try to sort problems out and not waste time worrying about them. Coming through anxiety teaches you so much and gives you a better outlook on life.

Hi Paul!

I really love your last post!Amazing!it is exactly what I needed. I think there are different stages of recovery and I think I am pretty much over the ‘worrying about worrying’ so now, I still worry a lot about everything. The list is actually endless and it is sooo annoying!I worry about everything I do and how it is perceived by other people, I worry my bf will leave me, I worry I am not good enought to do my job, I worry about staying at home too much and then I worry about going out too much…ETC ETC ETC ETC…it’s actually ridiculous. It’s SUCH a terrible, destructive habbit and one that lead to my anxiety problem in the first place. I would say I am one million times better than when it started but I am glad that I have been feeling bad again the last few days, because I really need to change my attitude. Desperately, there is no point in being able to accept anxiety and not worry about feeling anxious, if you still go around worrying about other stuff all the time, because that will make it much more likely for you to get stuck with it. Anyway, thank you Paul as you are so right, worrying never solved anything. It’s what started this mess in the first place.

Be happy everyone x

Thanks Paul I needed that. I need to bloody get on with it!!! What will be will be. Yes I will burst into song, ksaraaaaah saraaaaaah!!! 🙂

Hello Everyone, just wanted to give another update.

It’s been over 2 weeks since I had my anxiety attacks and I can say I feel like it’s almost over. I still have the disturbing thoughts once in awhile and I know it’s common and nothing will ever happen but it still bothers me and feel like it’ll never go away. Last night when I went out everything seemed normal and it felt great. Today I had a few setbacks were the thoughts popped up but other then that I feel like the old me.

Great to hear that James.. I do feel like the old me more and more…THe stupid obssesive thoughts that keep on coming back,, If its not questioning relaity, or life and being human, its excessive worry about something that has not even happened, or perhpas health… its like my mind is always looking for something annoying to focus on..
But the days seem brighter and brighter.
Thank you Paul, Fiona, Sasha, Scarlet,, ..and everyone else.!

Hey Paul,

Just to clarify. I am Joe who bought your book a few years ago and play in the band. Yes I am doing very well thanks. I am now back to where I was pre-anxiety and very much enjoying life. Glad to see that there are two recovered Joe’s on this page. Proof that you all can get through this!

How do you allow yourself to have a bad day and not become overwhelmed with it? I’ve had a few bad days in a row and am starting to feel like i’m getting worse. I’m not avoiding situations, i’m going to work, attending meetings, taking calls, being an attentive mother, i’m eating, sleeping, and trying to keep busy, but my head is raging! No one would know about it, i’m calm at work, but inside i feel like im about to drop my bundle, even though i know that means nothing really and i’d jsut have to keep on keeping on. I’m just having trouble riding out the bad times. Its the intropection that is freaking me out, its like the volume in my head is turned up real loud and i struggle to hear conversations. I thought i was pretty much recovered and didn’t experience a set back for 5 years, but my recent pregnancy loss (2 months ago) has thrown me right back in the deep end, again i feel despairing and like i’ll never be over it! Helens posts have been somewhat of a comfort to me but does anyone experience wanting to run from themselves?

Lesley,
We are on the same path, i refuse to not do what I always do (and have never ever once spent a day in bed or missed a days work or anything like that) I too drag my anxiety with me where ever i go! And for most of the time I’m good and again just like you I know when i’m struggling as i check the site a few times a day! I know we are not meant to but when i have days like this going home from work and having a great glass of wine helps, it takes the edge off for me, i’m in no way an alcoholic, and cant even remember when i had more than 3 glasses but i find it a comfort!! hahaha!
Also surrounding myself with friends, family, partner and child and just trying to ride it out! I agree with Helen its our “doing” of life that gets us through! When we give into it, stop work, avoid situations, and retreat from it, thats when it wins, but if it scares us, puts us down, makes you feel less confident! All those things return when your not as anxious, I know in my core that i am who i am, I just get overwhelmed with anxiety at times, and come out the other end! This can be in a moment, a half day, a full day, a week, but I always experience times when i feel ok! Although when your in it, it feels like this is never the case! For me my hormones play a huge factor, especially recently as well, my cycle has gone through some turmoil, and as women, like you described, we are not allowed to fall apart, we have to be strong, not show our children any sign of weakness or distress, thats why its an internal struggle and why as women we are more likely than men to suffer from anxiety. 🙂

Right Joe I got you mixed up and thought you were the original ‘Joe’ poster, my mistake. Well again nice to see you are doing well.

Paul

Dear Paul,
I just read your response to Ian I have yo admit that I do also find myself craving to come home and re-read posts that I have saved on my comp. or remember them in my daily basis, like a broken record…Although, I have come to a very very well point compared where I was two months ago. I soon as I bought your book my anxiety leves started to drop down, and many what’if’s started to disappear.
This is really a process, although I would just like some insight in something that I have been strugguling with lately,
Of course anxiety is the first thing I think about when I wake up, and the last thing when I go to bed. THe whole subject is just there 24/7. But I am not so annoyed with it as I was a few weeks back. I go out with friends, to school, run a few times a week and sleep relatively well. I dont really have scary thouhgs anymore. and I feel I am not pushing for recovery.
But the obssesive thinking about “existence” and who am I, or soul vs body thing, how dos my brain work, and every thing related to that subject has been stuck with glue for a while now. All that questioning that no one really has answers to just makes me get dp and dizy i have to admit.
Any thoughs or advice as how to “deal” or go over this layer, that seems to be one of the last ones to overcome?

Thank you again

I would also like to mention that with the help of Paul’s book, I have been able to kind of allow other irrational/annoying thoughts to just go….but because I love my husband so much and don’t want to think anything bad about him or our marriage, I am stuck on these things.

I understand that this is just making it COMPLETELY worse – as I am doing exactly the wrong thing!!! I understand that but still am having such a hard time just accepting the thoughts and NOT analyzing!!

I know this stuff would go if I would let it go!!!

Thanks so much.

Paulina,

I know exactly what type of obsessive “questioning life/reality” thoughts you are talking about. I have alot of these thoughts as well (alot of the same as you described). They were really strong and scary at first but they have faded ALOT. I still think them and at times they can still come with force but I am learning how to just accept them as anxious thoughts.

I think of it this way that seems to help me: I have always been a deep thinker and questioned why we are here and all of that but it never bothered me, they were just thoughts that popped in, made me ponder in a good way and then I would just go on with my day/life. They just seem worse right now because our emotions are sensitized right now so they seem like bad thoughts when all they are are thoughts, even thoughts you may have even had before anxiety. (I know you are prob now thinking “yes, but what are thoughts?” See, just anxiety making you question EVERYTHING, haha. I honestly try and laugh it off now.

I feel that I am really coming through, but I know how frustrating these thoughts can be but I truly believe they will fade and just be average thoughts as you let time go by. Also, make sure to keep busy (not run away from thoguhts) but it give your mind a new focus and you start to feel like “yourself” agian. I know sometimes the thoughts come out of no where (even when you are feeling good…) but just let them be. Hope this helps, Paulina. Believe I know how you feel and if you read other posts, there are others who have had the same thought processes and have come through ( I believe there is a post from Scarlet somehere who gives someone advice about just saying “who cares” to these thoughts and also reassurance that they fade when anxiety fades.) I am not even fully past these thoughts yet, but I already feel confident enough to give you advice on these thoughts so I can tell you it will get better 🙂 Just float right on through these thoughts and let time pass 🙂

Emma

Hi Paul, Paulina, Emma and Hawkeye,

I have left a post yesterday but no response yet from any body, anyways I would like to ask you these irrational, irritating, baseless, obsessive some thime abusive thought we all talk about, gives anxiety. Are these classified as OCD or OCD is some thing different. Please advise.

Hello everybody,

Have been feeling much better after the recent setback I was in. Anxious thoughts will still come at times but I don’t give them any attention and my work has successfully diverted my attention away from the thoughts. Now I am truly seeing how Paul’s advice works. Every time when there’s a setback I begin to take less time to overcome them.

To Ian,

Don’t give up on yourself. You have taken the first step to live your life and if you continue on, you’ll definitely be able to overcome anxiety. I was also once a person who was always contented with everything until I had anxiety. So trust yourself and you’ll be able to do it !

Hello, this is my first post, ever I think. Let me first say that this website has been a Godsend. I suffered from anxiety off and on for about 8 years, when I finally had a horrible episode about 2 years ago. Like most folks I didn’t know what was wrong with me, went to the doctor, he put me on meds and I got…worse for a little while. Some of those anti-depressants really mess with your mind! Anyway, I struggled through it, told myself that I will not give into it and continued to go to work, social functions, perform my family duties (I’m married and have two children, ages 7 and 4). I really struggled with obsessive/intrusive thoughts. Mine particularly revolved around fearing that I would become extremely depressed and would quit enjoying life, and maybe harm myself or my family, let them down, then I would panic, which made it worse. The cycle would just go on and on and on and on……..

Well, looking back I recovered after I did my own research and found out what I had. No one (including the doctor or therapist) told me that I had anxiety. My father had a similar experience when he was my age and really helped get me through it. I think I talked to him everyday for 3-4 months. That’s why it is so important to surround yourself with people you love. It if wasn’t for them I don’t know what I would have done. Anway, I would mark in my calendar what kind of day I had – good, bad, very good, etc. (which I now realize was probably not a good idea!) For some reason I still kept that calendar and looking back I all of a sudden just stopped recording how I felt. I don’t remember making that concious decision, I just stopped. So, I completely agree with Paul that you don’t just wake up in the morning and say “I’m recovered!” Yes, you notice changes and you notice that you are having more good days than bad, but once you truly stop thinking about how you feel on a consistent basis you will recover and not even know it. It is truly a freeing experience! Also, keep busy. Don’t let anxiety control what you want to do. Do what you enjoy doing, but don’t do it because it will help you get rid of you anxiety. This will only make it a chore, which is the last thing you need to do. Do it because you enjoy doing it.

Why I’m I telling you my story? Well, about 4 weeks ago I had a setback. I’m not really sure what set it off, but I started having the same obsessive thoughts and it really freaked me out. I thought I was fully recovered and now I feel horrible again!! Just this past weekend after having a tough couple of days, I just Googled “Anxiety” on the internet and this website came up. It was the first time that I had seen something posted that put anxiety in such simplistic terms and gave a very common sense answer to recovery. It was like a light went on! No one was trying to push meds on me, no one was trying to categorize what I had, no one was trying to tell me I had a problem. Instead anxiety was looked at as something that provides you with an opportunity to grow as a person.

I know that after I recovered from my first major episode 2 years ago, I came out of it a changed man. I used to be shy, nervous around people, and intraverted. I would get really nervous if something changed my routine (travelling, having to work different hours, not getting enough sleep, etc.). Now, I am very outgoing, actually desire social interaction and love to travel.

Well, I’m still trying to recover from my setback. I woke up this morning full of energy and positive thinking and now I’m tired and starting to reflect on “how I feel.” That’s when I’m at my worst, when I’m tired. I know I’m almost there, but I can’t kick the self monitoring habit. My family and I are travelling to Walt Disney World (we’re from the U.S) the day after Christmas and I’m a little (OK, a lot!) concerned about how I will feel in a very magical and enjoyable place. I still have the “what if I become severely depressed” thought, which I think is what is causing me to monitor how I feel (“am I depressed” “do I feel down” “why didn’t I sleep good last night” “Why am I not more excited about Christmas than I am”).

Anyway, sorry for the rambling, but this site has really helped me realize that we can’t help the way we feel, but we sure as heck can help the way we react to those feelings. Being anxious about how you feel just feeds the anxiety, which feeds more anxiety, which makes you feel down, which can take the enjoyment out of life, which can lead to more anxiety, etc. It can become one heck of a vicious cycle. You do have control over your life. It is a gift and you only have one, so live it to the fullest. Soak up all those little moments that make you laugh, don’t be afraid of moments that make you cry, and treat everyone with respect because you don’t know what they are going through.

Well, thank you for the opportunity to share with you folks. I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Ar,
ocd or pure o or whatever is all anxiety based and can be treated the same way. You are worried about the thoughts and the fear of the thoughts is what bothers you. Let them in let them do what they want. Give them no importance. Any thought that scares you needs to be treated the same.
xxx

Hawkeye,

You replied to me a few weeks ago when I was struggling with the thoughts Paulina was talking about and your reply helped me so much. That is one of the reasons why I wanted to reply to Paulina. So I hope that our recent replys gave comfort in the way that yours gave me comfort and reassurance a few weeks agi! Thanks agian, it really is great to have support from one another 🙂

Emma

Thanks hawkeye & Rob and all,
I have been through these thought from few months, some thime they are persistent and some time my mind racing going into circles, one thought after another. These are the baseless thoughts but when I get persistent thoughts abouts my health, some thing very small is v big for me. I will give you a last night example, I went for swim and sitting in Jaccuzi accidentely drank a little amount of water. This is a big thing for me that some thing going to happen to me or catch some disease and so on…. My father and brother are trying to convince me that it will give no harm but can not stop thinking about it. any comments.

Hi AR,

This is exactly what anxiety is doing to you. It’s causing you to worry about things which are easily negligible when you don’t have anxiety. Well as joe has said it, you must have the courage to face the consequences of whatever that has happened. You should continue on with what you’re doing and if you really have to see a doctor because of swallowing the jacuzzi water then let it be. It’ll definitely be raging in your head for a while, but if you truly pay no attention to it, these thoughts will slowly disappear without even you realising it.

Hi Lesly, your post from 12/14 struck a chord with me. I am over a year into recovery, and have had periods where I really believe it is gone or at least does not throw me when it comes. But, like everything in life, practice makes perfect. It’s when we have felt good for a while, that having symptoms return (for any reason) gives us the opportunity to see if we really don’t care about anxieties tricks. The reality is that sometimes we react in fear, tension, and worry, to what previously did not seem to disturb us. Then we think (think is the PROBLEM) why am I not handling this as well as I did several weeks or months ago? Don’t we get better over time with acceptance?

Sometimes we just fall back into bad habits. Sometimes we are more tired or stressed or just more vunerable. And as you said, our expectations are raised as we come through this. We have a new “normal”. I have had some challenging days lately, and I can see how much our reactions either escalate or help diminish our feelings of fear.

I have suffered periodically over my life, starting in my teens, with feeling high anxiety, and every offshoot it can produce. I’m realizing that I do need to be patient with myself and be willing (as though I really have a choice :)) to allow it to take as long as it takes. I have come through several such periods, but I never really lost my fear of it. I would rather be in the training camp longer and really learn full acceptance (which would mean not being conned by anxious feelings) than to just come out from under it, and still question myself and be afraid of this “thing” coming back.

I know I have not yet completely lost my fear or apprehension, but then bad habits are the hardest to break. I so appreciate this website and all the great people who have contributed to it. We can all lose are fear fueling reactions, it just takes awhile.

Hello, this is my first post, i decided to post as I feel as though i’m really struggling at the moment. I started feeling anxious and having obsessive and irrational thoughts about 5 months ago. I had a similar episode a number of years ago after a family bereavement which was aweful period of my life but i eventually got over it after a couple of years.

Prior to my recent episode i was as happy as I could ever be having recently got married to the a wonderful, beautiful women who i love with all my heart. I have a good job, lovely house, brilliant family, everything a man could want. All of a sudden that seems a distant memory as my mind seems out of control with irational obsessive thoughts, questionning and analysing everything. I seem to have lost my enthusiasm for the things that I normally enjoy. I have constant mind chatter and it is driving me mad.

I have read Paul’s book and understand why i’m feeling so crappy (anxiety with all its tricks) and that i just need to continue with life laughing silly thoughts off. I have had ok days over the last couple of months and had enjoyment once again but these last few days have been really bad. I’ve been very down in the dumps, tearful, feelings of helplessness meaning that i’m really struggling to have a positive whatever outlook. I can’t seem to stop analysing things and am really fearful of losing all the fantanstic things i have in my life or dropping in to a deep depression, feeling as bad as did previously – viscious circle i know!

I went to the docs when i initially started feeling crappy and i’m on a low dosage of tablets plus i’ve seen a psychologist. Seeing the psychologist was good as she basically gave the advice that Paul does, stop thinking, your not going mad, you are just emotionally upset (for whatever reason i don’t know) and it is a temporary phase that will work itself out.

Until the last few days i really thought i was making progress, I have not stopped doing anything even though occasionally i don’t feel like doing them (playing football, going out etc) i was looking forward to Christmas and a holiday that i’m going on boxing day but the enthusiasm has now disappeared. Work is difficult as it is a quiet period and I have lots of time on my hands throughout the day therefore the last couple of days i’ve been worried about coming in as my mind will inevitably wander. How can i go from being so deliriously happy with life to this?

Sorry for the rant, i’ve been thinking about whether to post for the last couple of days, i know its not the solution to the way i feel, i must really adopt the whatever attitude to all elements of my anxiety. I’ve been quite successful with some of my stupid thoughts but not others whilst the feeling down is really hard.

I know i’ve got to just crack on and allow this set back to pass but it is hard none the less.

AR, let me try to put your mind to rest….

I used to sell Hot tubs/Spa’s so I know exactly what go’s into them, and without going into detail, you are and will be FINE.

Trust me when I tell you, it is not as if the manufactors, hadn’t already thought that there is a more than likely possibility that water could and will be consummed in error. It is the same with swimming pools. My spa is surrounded by snow right now – perfect, tell you what, I will have a quick swirl, gulp a mouth full of the water and I promise you, I will still be here later to check you have got my message 😉 Ok?

Seriously AR, if the thought must be there, then be there it must ( I know what that is like – it’s why I am on this site!) Just don’t try to puzzle your way out of it, it aint the truth.

hi guys

i realise that lately i have been using this place to get out my negative feelings and i seem to have a lot of them. i am as usual continuing asnormal and not lettign anxiety stop me from doing anything but its the constant numbnessof feeling that i hate. i should be enjoyinh xmas with my family , but am dreading the day as we all stay indoors and it causes friction and tension and i get very anxious and it is noticable. i so want to enjoy stuff but i guess you cant force the feelings and push thoughts away. I am wondering if its my attitude to it all thats wrong or i need to accept to let more time to pass, or maybe all of it. i may have dropped back into my old habit of overanalyzing everything without realising. a friend commented the other day that i am a deep thinker adn all the analyzing must wear me out, i finally think shes right. i cant seem to move on with a thought or from soemthing that has been said. its like it all sticks in my head and i have to go over it till i can justify it all and i get so upset . you’d of thought i’d know by now that its just a thought and it cant hurt me, or its me thats thinking it and i feel awful for even doing that !. i really need to let go and give myself a break coz this endless viscious circle is doing me no good whatso ever. i want to be better and i feel i have come so far but have still a way to go. guess im frustrated by it all and cant see a way through this bad patch. xx