I feel my attention is always on me with anxiety

Again sorry for the late post, I have been away and had 101 things to sort out when I got back.

I was going to do a post on D.P, but have decided to cover another subject that comes up regular on here and something I struggled with in the latter part of my recovery. Which is I could not seem to shake the attention of myself, as though my mind would not stop reverting back to me and how I felt.

Most here know that this comes through months and in a lot of cases years of being bothered about how we feel, looking in, monitoring our symptoms and spending hours trying to do something about them. I was a master at this for many years, always looking and searching in my mind for that magic cure or sentence that would stop the hell. In my day there was no internet to look through or find information, I found the medical world a waste of time and was just shoved from pillar to post and given more useless pills.

I was in such a lonely place, a place where I lived 2 lives. One was trying to figure out this hell, just existing through the day like an empty walking shell with little interest in the outside world and my surroundings and the other person was the one that had to act through the day, trying to appear normal, smile in the right places, try and hold some sort of conversation, when all I wanted to do was run away. It truly was a living hell and one I was falling deeper and deeper into. The more I thought and worried about me, the more isolated I felt, so I thought and worried about me even more, it was a terrible cycle. I even recall walking to work one day where I felt so self aware and so out of touch with my surroundings that I had to count cars on the way, just something to try and connect with the world arround me, I was so wore down with it all.

Many people go through this feeling of detachment for a few months and then are able to find the right help and come through this stage pretty easy as habits have not really been ingrained as of yet. Just like the person who has lost someone close and appears in a world of their own for a few weeks, eventually time heals and they can connect quite easy with the outside world and their surroundings. But the reason is the same, they are consumed with grief and their own feelings, they have little time for the outside world and what is going on around them, hence while they seem lost and distant. Someone may even lose their job and be like this for 2/3 days, they are just so concerned with a subject they can take nothing else in. That certainly relates to most people who suffer with anxiety and our main reason is that we don’t understand and become more and more concerned with how we are feeling and how to get better.

For many like myself though this habit can seem to be ingrained and hard to shake off. Well I went through this for years and was able to love the outside world again, feel part of it, no longer care about how I felt. Of course one of the stages was an understanding of why I felt the way I did, if I understood it there was no need to waste my time going over it, so it did improve and certainly stopped the cycle, but this self awareness still hung around to a degree.

In the past we have covered the usual points of finding hobbies and keeping busy, not sitting around with too much time on our hands feeling sorry for ourselves. Allowing ourselves to feel odd and strange without caring or being alarmed by it. This are 2 very important points that have been covered before, but I wanted to add a few more points and ideas as looking through posts people do tend to struggle with this self awareness.

Firstly a lot of people may think, ‘Right that’s me done with the subject, I am not looking it up anymore or reading about it, no from tomorrow I am never thinking about it or concerning myself with it again’ What they end up doing is running away from how they feel, trying to push the subject away and ignore it, this ends up a battle in itself, as they have thought and spoke about it so often they can’t just turn it off like a tap. Building your knowledge up with anxiety is fine and there is no need to avoid the subject, I am involved in it and probably will be all my life and it certainly does not have me feeling lost and self aware again. The reason being is that I don’t spend too much time on it, I have a healthy social life that keeps me very busy and the subject is just a part of my life, not my life like it used to be, there are plenty of other things that take my attention though the week and my life is healthy and my mind is stimulated. So don’t think you have to ‘not’ think about the subject, it’s fine to come here when you need a boost or you feel you need something answering. the problem can occur though when sites/forums, or whatever it maybe becomes your day/week. Switching the computer on and spending your day trying to find more answers, looking, reading, going from one site to another trying to find something to make you feel better, something you have missed, when the real tonic for that day would be to have your breakfast and go about your day however you felt, for once don’t be concerned about how you feel or how to make it better, just live your life. You can never hope to be part of the outside world again if you don’t involve yourself in it.

One point I really want to add to the above is to finally trust yourself to go it alone and not rely on this place as a crutch, to drop all the safety behaviours you have. I don’t think you ever stop learning about anxiety, but there comes a point when you understand enough to say ‘I am not using the blog as a comfort blanket anymore’, I will still read up now and again as it helps me at my lowest points and sometimes I do feel stuck at times, but I need to trust in myself more and move forward. And when I say trust in yourself I mean don’t feel the need to repeat sayings to yourself through the day, trying to remember what so and so said to help in this situation, reminding yourself how to get through this, what to say.

I also did this, it was like a military situation when I went anywhere, I would feel anxious and repeat mantras of ‘It’s o.k it is just adrenalin’ ‘Accept it Paul’ , next the oddness would descend and I would be trying to scramble back to what I had learnt about this ‘Erm o.k this is just my tired mind, me focusing on myself for so long, it will pass’ Then it would be hang on I have accepted it and it is not passing, ‘erm what else can I say? I must cope with this’,  I would then try another saying, then it would be ‘Have I done anything wrong, this is not getting any easier or better?’

Can you see what I was doing? I was back on me all day long and trying to find ways to cope, no wonder I felt odd and anxious. I realised in time I just had to go it alone, I could not rely on sayings or safety behaviours to get me through the day, I had to fully trust in my mind and body, the greatest healers in the world, they did not need me to keep interfering, I just needed my ‘whatever’ attitude and nothing else.

After the realisation that if I just let go of all these sayings and safety behaviours I could cope fine, it was a massive step forward for me, don’t get me wrong, some days were still hellish and I could feel hyper aware, but I would just go straight through it, live that day with the oddness and strangeness with little concern and not run away from it or try and make it better, but to just go straight through.

This was the final stage in me losing my awareness of me and it was that true feeling of believing I now had the tools to move forward without a crutch or the need to remind myself of what to do, trust me you never lose what you have learnt, it is all stored up there fine. It is like learning to drive, you don’t have to remind yourself anymore of moving the gears, pressing the clutch, you don’t have to take a new lesson each week, you have learnt enough and it became automatic in time. And this is how it eventually comes with getting through your day. So don’t be afraid to put down your tools and safety behaviours, drop your sayings and just go it alone, trust me you will be fine.


For more help with anxiety visit www.anxietynomore.co.uk

For more information about my book ‘At last a life’ visit


564 Responses to “I feel my attention is always on me with anxiety”

  1. Kate Says:

    Great post Paul!

    This is the HUGE error I have made. I had a stupid, irrational thought which I thought about every single day. In the beginning I could quite easily see it was irrational and due to anxiety and really carry on with my life but have now got so obsessed with it I can’t think straight about it and have days when I believe I could do this thing and have also introduced safety behaviours. I am now learning to just let it be there and not read into it and looking forward to the return of my rational thinking.

  2. Sydney Carton Says:

    Thanks Paul – just what I needed – I’ve a long weekend in Durham this coming weekend with my family which will involve a couple of train journeys and already the terrors are mounting. Head down Sydney and onward.

  3. Mark R Says:

    I fully understand the whole trying to hard business. When I was at my lowest ebb in Feb/Mar I was hyperaware of everything…even my blinking and thats not an exaggeration!

    Time and acceptance has brought me to the place now where I am interested in other stuff….ebay, football, exercise, tv etc. A lot of the time it reverts back to me and I certaintly think about it everyday but its not as fierce.

    The key thing Paul mentioned is not to try to not think of yourself. I liken it really to trying to sleep, the more you lie in bed determined to sleep and toss and turn the more you frustrate yourself. If you let sleep come, as you should with interest in the outside world it will come naturally. You have to kind of ease yourself in, with half your mind on yourself and half on your activity, eventually you will lose interest in yourself.

  4. mike Says:

    hello paul and everyone.
    saints for grand final mate?
    agree with mark the sleep thing was the worst thing for me tossing and turning thinking why cant i get to sleep.
    all the best everybody

  5. Wes Says:

    I have been dealing with Anxiety for 10yrs im 29 and like Paul it started with drug use. It’s funny he talks about acting. When i finally tell someone about my anxiety they say “wow i never noticed”. Even girlfriends who know me the best. I described it as “suffering silently”. Im like the Brad Pitt of anxiety ha!I have done all the things paul talks about. Googling and Googling. All the sentences that you say to yourself. He’s right I know everything about anxiety by now. I think i have a PHD by now. I just got his book. Im not even done with it. And i know It is the right answer. Changing the habits is the way. It’s not easy that “feeling” is tough sometimes. Habits are hard to make and hard to change. takes time little by little. Even the smallest victory is a victory. You add those small wins together and you have a new habit. Each one is a step. Who know how many steps it takes but each one gets you closer to recovery. So to my anxiety i say “whatever”!!!! Thanks Paul

  6. jess Says:

    Hi everyone

    go saints mike!

    great post paul, can i just say that this site has been great in helping me get back to me! My worst time started about three months ago and ever since ive been educating myself tounderstand why i feel the way i feel and consequentky removing the fear that i once was caught in the depths in.

    I have the tools now to carry on my life and realise that i don’t have to be scared anymore from irrational thoughts. I let them come and go as they please but i now understand they have no meaning and do not reflect any beliefs or characterise the person i am. The thoughts are not gone, and i know that i will still have these thoughts for a wile, out of habit. But they will go in time. I sort of compare it to when something bad happens in your life and at the time you think you will never getover it, but we do and then this just becomes a memory. Every little step is like moving up a gear and moving closer to the person i used to be. Anyway hope everybody is ok, and is still smiling.

    Your friend


  7. wayne Says:


    Great to hear you are OK. Thanks to you my girls have their dad back. :)

  8. natalie Says:

    good morning everyone hope you are all well .. have been visiting this site for a few months now and in the beginning made lots of progress having a few weeks feeling good but then went on hols and when i got back the next day the feelings came back and i started to obsess and worry, am off sick from work (6 months) and tried to go back 2 months ago but felt so ill stayed off at a place now where i think getting a job would make me feel better but am petrafied.. also have two young boys so in a way helped during the summer hols but my husband and me are not getting on really well said he cannot cope with how i am not the person he fell in love with ( i have been suffering a year and a half) every time we argue he walks out and i says its over only to come back. Part of me wants to finish it and be done as it making me feel stressed but then i am scared that i will get worse and not be able to cope on my own. feel so low, scared and lost and just do not know where to start am just getting through my day best way i can but cos of situation with my husband feel like crying all the time. i read what you all say an it makes sense but finding it hard to implement.. any ideas guys??? has anyone else been here???? feel like a failure like i losing everything just try and focus on my boys as much as i can but still feel my focus is on me.. xxx

  9. natalie Says:

    ps : just read my post and it is my husband that walks out each time not me bit of a typo there

  10. rosemary Says:

    Hi Sasha and Heidi,I left a comment on the last blog (June) would appreciate any comments from anyone.

    On this topic I do find myself”checking in on me” I am often involved in other things during the day going happily about my business and suddenly for no reason I remind myself that I am not quite 100% back to me, how awful I have been feeling. I go out and do all the things I used to do.Its true, the more often I do them the easier and more relaxed they are and enjoyable. However I have this numb low empty feeling that just lingers in the back ground that makes me examine how I feel about things or the day. I always finish on a positive note and will tell anyone that I certainly have been recovering really well, its a long road and I will keep on. I feel so close to being “ME” that I must not let the sometimes inward thinking bother me,just accept it and move on. Its just this low heavy feeling …any ideas or positive thoughts, ideas..Find myself doubting if full recovery really is possible, I know it is but my inward thinking makes me doubt..just need a little help to get me over what I think is my last hurdle…thanks in advance

  11. marc Says:

    hi paul and everyone,

    great post paul! its mad the way we become so self aware with this anxiety nonsense! and thats what i have to keep reminding myself of- that all this is nonsense and that i shouldnt be over analyising every thought, emotion, my surroundings etc… it was like today, i was sitting at the kitchen table eating my breakfast while at the same time automatically observing how i felt! and from there led to the thoughts- ” how am i feeling today?”, ”why do i feel blank?”, ” why does it feel like everything around me isnt real/doesnt exist?”, ”do i exist?”, ”is life real?”, ”will these thoughts and feelings ever go away?”, ”what if they never do go away and im stuck like this and i end up loosing it or doing something stupid?”……and then from these thoughts led to the feelings like my mind was going blank, nothing around me was real, like my body was shutting down, like im an emotional cripple etc….. and seeing as iv experienced this before i know anxiety is going to do its best by trying to get me to believe that i wont get better, BUT, because i have gone through this before, i know that thinking this is just ridiculous and just keeps you in the cycle even more so i know deep down that i am fine and that there is nothing wrong with me and i just have to give it time like i did last time and it will eventually fade. we all just need to understand that anxietys worst trick is making you believe that there is something seriously wrong with you, when there isnt. what i personally like to do is hypothetically compare anxiety with physical illness, one of the worst physical illnesses we can have is cancer right? and one of the mildest physical illnesses we can get is the flu yeah? so what i do is compare anxiety to the flu, we feel absolutly awful when we have it, and sometimes we can feel so bad that we think its something worse, but, with time it eventually fades and we get back to normal!! like im feeling weird now even as i write this post but deep down i know im fine, but anxiety is doing its best to make me think that theres something else wrong with me! but i know theres not!!!……. and Mark R your completly right about keeping up your hobbies! iv been doing thai boxing for a few years now and when my anxiety started up again there a few months ago i wasnt training as much because i was relating my training to anxiety! after a sparring session i would be asking myself-”have i taken a bad bang to the head which is making me feel like this?” and would go to the doctor and get tests done which would be a complete waste of time because the results would come back that im fine! haha! and for the first time in a couple of months i stepped back into the ring and sparred and thoroughly enjoyed myself and realised how much i missed it! :) and of course anxiety did step in and try to ruin these good feelings by over analysing them-”are they real?”, ”do they exist” bla bla bla!!!! haha! and i thought to myself- no way am i letting anxiety take this away from me!!!!!!! god if only anxiety could be in a physical shape or form i would kick seven shades of u know what out of it!!!!!!! hahaha!

    marc-ireland :)

  12. Fiona Says:

    Some advice for Natalie,
    I’m pretty much recovered but still pop on the site to see how people are getting on. After reading your post i just wanted to highlight a few points that i hope will help you. It seems that you have let anxiety have a significant impact on your life, 6 months is a long time to have off work and if this is because of anxiety you are fighting a losing battle if you are waiting for your anxiety to go before you return to work. It also seems you are letting anxiety effect your home life and marriage. Right or wrong i never discussed anxiety with my husband as i knew, with all the good will in the world, he wouldn’t understand, only someone who has suffered understands. My advice is stop letting anxiety have such an impact in your life. I hope i’m not been harsh, i just feel you need to move away from anxiety and get on with life and returning to work and stopping discusing it with your husband will help.
    Fiona xx

  13. amy Says:

    Dear Paul, Scarlett, or Candi,
    Hi, I have read Paul’s book 7months ago and was doing great! A couple of stressfull things happened in my life and my anxiety shot thru the roof. I have never experienced anxiety this bad before and I have endured anxiety for about 10yr now. I started hyperventalating everyday, I could not catch my breath. This is a new symptom for me. It took me a while to accept it(over a month) But it doesnt scare me anymore. It is just here. But Im so afraid something is really wrong with me. Why after all of these years would my anxiety get worse after my UNDERSTANDING of it? I just can’t shake the thoughts that I need medicine or something is mentally wrong with me. How do i not let these thoughts bother me? Some days are so much harder than others.
    Thank you

  14. Isiah Says:

    I deal with the mental aspect of anxiety everyday. I keep constantly questioning if “am i normal?” and i also feel like I’m retraining my brain to live like the “old me” before anxiety crept in. Trying to remember how it is to have my up’s and down days since i been obsessed with the mental aspect of anxiety since April of this year and can’t stop Googling for some mental relief! Almost completely forgot about the real world in three months time. I really don’t feel the physical aspects of anxiety as much anymore besides having to frequently move my bowels. Can anybody else relate?

  15. steph Says:

    Hi everyone.
    I have suffered all the symptoms of psychology and believe i am on way to recovery..i posted on here couple of years ago and still pop on and read posts from time to time.when im anxiety free i actually feel im fully recovered and laugh at how “silly” at the time i reacted to certain situations or how i let anxiety rule. even advising others who had similar symptoms and feeling so strong and positive about the way i handled things. Yet every now and then i will have setback sometimes minor lating few days sometimes much longer and its like paul says and others on the blog that you can get into a habit of talking yourself through it trying to calm yourself and go over it in your head to regain the anxiety free person again.. this is something i thought i had been able to do. take today for instance i went to the museum with my daughter and sister and i have been feeling a little anxious from a heavy weekend of socialising! but out of the blue i had a huge case of dp tried to like pretend everything was ok , just felt completley strang felt everything was slowed down around me even to the way people were looking at me,i was even getting freaked thinking everyone was looking at me really slowly!! i automatically then start panicking thinking wow if im getting paranoid at people looking at me strangley then maybe this is the start of a more serious mental illness like paranoid schizophrenia! this fear is something that has always popped into my mind when im anxious, and i always go through the same thing of running over in my mind with the safety behaviours like its habit..and i did the same today took myself off to the ladies to talk myself through it and for the rest of day dwelled on why and how it happened which understandably has made me more drained, anxious, overwhelmed etc so i totally understand this post and where it is coming from..it still really disheartens me whne i have setback and its probably because i am going through the same pattern of safety behaviours yet making myself more anxious in the long run..i feel i should know now that its not another mental illness as i have been through this a million times and iv never lost control and gone mad..i thought i was just leeting it be but when i think about it im obviously not..any thoughts or advice on my post would be appreciated.

  16. steph Says:

    and i meant i have suffered most pyschological symptoms of anxiety over time not just all the symptoms of psychology haha!

  17. Simon Says:


    Please can someone help me!! I have read Paul’s book and a lot of the blogs and I can so relate to much of what is written. 18 months ago I was told by my GP that I had ‘Clinical Depression’, having then googled everything about it – yes I BELIEVED I did have clinical depression, however 17 CBT sessions, so much talking therapy from experts, numerous meds (they don’t seem to do a thing) I still crying every single day (I think this is frustration of not being the person I once was).

    Now for a man of 41 with a wife and 3 children who I adore but don’t have the feelings I used to have for them I find this so scarey. I have had some good days and a lot of bad days (my wife has been 200% supportive). A few months ago my last therapist said that I just have to “act as if” and that I would never be the same person I used to be so stop searching for him and she discharged me?

    I started to accept this to the degree where I threw all my self help books away (12 of them) and tried so hard to battle on, trying to be happy, trying not to let depression get to me. It did feel it was starting to lift a little, I have gone back to work and I am trying to live a normal life, although it’s nothing like a normal life, I actually feel like a robot, I am just existing and even wondering if life is worth it.

    I came across this site a couple of weeks when I was struggling with sleep (2 hours max a night). Like I said I can relate to a lot of what symptoms people on this site has mentioned which gives me a glimmer of hope. I too was like Paul said “saying mantra’s on my way to work just to try and get my brain to think positive” NONE of it seems to work….

    I have more question to ask than I dare but I will ask a couple, I realy didn’t want to write on here but all day long my mind is telling me to. So….

    I am feeling tense/stressed for 90% of my waking day. I can not sleep in the day time even if I am tired because if I do manage to nod off I suddenly wake feeling extremely panicy as anyone else experienced this? And I also examine / analyse every single thing that is going off around me and this causes me to have mild / unpleasant panic/empty feelings as though I can’t carry on anymore.

    I truly feel that I have anxiety more than I do depression but can anyone please shed some light PLEASE


  18. sasha Says:

    Hi Rosemary

    i could relate very well with what u r feeling at the moment…
    i had few days wherein i felt totally ‘fine” and could grasp things easily..but the same me cannot process things as it used to be on other days…finding it hard to function and the perception i make of my life also differ drastically

    wherein i told myself.. however bad i felt i have to keep encouraging myself to move on and love myself above all..and never be too hard on myself after struggling like this…to start loving ourselves..consider how a friend would console a person who is undergoing the same rather than be our own critic sabotaging ourselves with our verbal battle…

    & thanks to u Paul without this site i would have been i darkness..

    there were few tips that helped me..hope its of some help to u all.

    1. if i am feeling totally low for sometime…i just make up my mind to go ahead and do something..however i feel…when i complete the task i dont feel sorry for myself though i may not feel the exact feelings i should have….atleast i feel i havent let it come my way…

    2. as u said when the thought of it comes…i may go..BHAM..! tahts it…few minutes of no emotion….! blankness….now i have accepted that…i just be there..slowly i can feel it goes…then i just carry on as if nothing happened..i understood its hard for people to notice how we feel…unless someone is keeping a keen eye on us..even so i dont care anymore…

    3. i feel there is a thought pattern in us that often make us feel overwhelmed..we see everything in a negative frame of mind..
    we get an overall picture of hopelessness after stuggling so much.. Richard Carlson’s ‘stop thinking and start living” is a great book worth reading which is truly insightful and inspires u . i want to imprint on my brain that ‘thoughts’ are just produced by our own mind…totally a creation of a tired mind..ABSOLUTELY NO REALITY..but at times i cant grasp it..i keep repeating it to instill in my mind so that i can brush off the next time another random thought comes…
    but mind you it takes a lot of practise and at times u cannot brush it off easily u tend to get carried away…

    4.I felt a random negative thought may come… and we start reacting to that….the train of thoughts makes u feel so low..what i do is when i become aware of it i cast my attention on something else and carry on..still m practising it.i guess its better for anyone to practise as we dont encourage loops of negative thoughts and start reacting to it..

    5.when i speak i tend to get lost, i just listen to the other person and reply as if i dont have a mind of my own…this is where i am still struggling..wherein i cant ‘think’..
    i guess as time passes that will move on as well..

    6.however u feel…dont ever engulf urself in selfpity..just brush it off aside saying to urself a tired mind can produce only negative thoughts..it is irrational..

    7.Read a lot of inspirational articles wherein u start thinking of urself that u can get out of it..may be a 1% that can slowly attract more positive thoughts in ur mind. after all What you focus on is what you give power to and will ultimately have the most influence on your thoughts and behaviors

    It all starts in the mind. Remember that what you focus on most is the direction where you are going. All a captain has to do is steer his ship by an inch and the final destination will be greatly changed as time passes. If you focus all your attention on the positive side of your problems, there’s no telling how different your life will come to be.

    “Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit” — Napoleon Hill

    wishing all my friends a good day..!

  19. Ruth Says:

    For natalie

    I agree with fiona’s advice to start to consider going back to work.if there are real work issues then these need to be sorted out.I wonder whether your work is big enough to have an occupational health department;these can be a really good source of help to sort these issues out and to arrange some temporary period of reduced hours on your return.if not then talk to your GP about signing you back on reduced hours with the new style of fit note they have to use now.you are beginning to be imprisoned by your anxiety and it can be a very mean jailor.make plans to break out of jail soon:).the process of returning to your previous routine of work will be a step towards eventually to finding yourself again.hope this helps 😉

  20. yolande Says:

    Hi all

    Diana, welcome back!

    I just want to share something – reading thru the posts in the previous log about feeling low, I just want to add my thoughts. I go thru those almost daily – in the beginnng it wud get me down like why am i still feelg low, how long more before i lose these feelings etc. then i remembered how BAD I felt in the early days, and how much I wanted then to JUST FEEL GOOD FOR ONE DAY. now, i feel good most days, the low feelings creeps up on me sometimes in mid-day, sometimes in the evenings. So i remind myself how far along I have come, and like what Scarlet says, I am almost there!

    Other than the above, I am doing good. Holding down a job – oh I do tend to worry sometimes still if I can handle the additional workload but am trying not to go there. I will know when the time comes!

    Now, having said all these, I have a question LOL

    Scarlet or anyone,
    For the past few nights I starting thinking abt losing my loved ones and it scares me enuf to make me cry. It’s a release of sorts for me i guess. I know this is anxiety’s work again but just want to know if it’s normal to suddenly feel sensitised again when I am so close to the end?

    thanks so much

  21. James Says:

    Great post Paul. I can definitely see how I can apply the information here. Listening to the way you describe life with anxiety, makes me see just how similar everyone’s experience of this nightmare is.

    I think the reason I still can’t let go enough is that I am still scared of my symptoms. I have read the book, and know in my head that there is nothing to be afraid of, and yet for some reason I am still scared.

  22. Paul David Says:

    Mark R what you say below really sums it up and is good advice

    The key thing Paul mentioned is not to try to not think of yourself. I liken it really to trying to sleep, the more you lie in bed determined to sleep and toss and turn the more you frustrate yourself. If you let sleep come, as you should with interest in the outside world it will come naturally. You have to kind of ease yourself in, with half your mind on yourself and half on your activity, eventually you will lose interest in yourself.

    Yes Mike it should be a good final, really going to miss the rugby season, it is a massive part of my social life and I will be lost without it. Hope you are keeping up the running, no way could I do a 10k at the moment, really lost my fitness and am detetermined to get it back.

    One final point, sorry for a couple of typos in the post above and one sentance not reading right, I have promised myself to always read through before posting in future.


  23. Andre Says:

    Dear Simon,

    i can relate to what are you saying. Even when i was well on the road of recovery sometimes i felt i’m completely lost, I became irritated even at the slightest noise or anything, but deep down on my heart not just felt that this was just a manifestation of anxiety, but was very convinced that this high strain will pass, and it did. You have to be patient and have to give up the battle to be well again. You will, with patience and perseverance. Time is the key-factor. And as Paul said the best healing remedy is our organism. You have to trust yourself. And do not be to much impressed, that you didn’t sleep too much, sleep will come naturally. And on more note: You find the right place to go forward with Your life.

    Take care! A

  24. natalie Says:

    morning just want to say thankyou to ruth and fiona for your helpful advise i think deep down i know that i have to return to work as my confidence has dropped lots and with all this with my husband i am feeling very vunerable. just wanted to ask a couple of questions .. how does everyone go about making important decisions i find i think one way and am happy with that then the other way and spend all day going back and forth making myself worse its like i cannot make one. so in the end i just leave it till i feel stronger or clearer on what i want. i also get very emotional about silly stuff presume this also anxiety its like something daft with my kids and i could go upstairs and cry.. just need to check this is normal x am so pleased i have found this website and able to talk about my concerns and see hope that others are managing to get on with their lives despite this condition xxxx

  25. jess Says:

    quick note! This site is amazing…. it has helped me sooo much and education and acceptance is the key! BIrthday this weekend and i really think i can enjoy myself… and be ME! Just a little positive post, to let everyone know happiness is out there xx

  26. Sara Says:

    Hi all,

    I just wanted to say how much this site and the book has helped me in understanding my anxiety. I have suffered for 10 years with mainly obsessive thoughts, all manor of scary and irrational beliefs about myself and my loved ones, feelings of DP, the churning stomach and constant fatigue.I have been to counselling (which was good but concentrated on my childhood etc etc) had CBT and medication (did not work at all) But the explaination after years of thinking I was losing my mind that I feel this way because I have anxiety is so simple and makes so much sense!! I can trace how this all began too-smoking cannabis, exam stress etc etc. This was when I first experienced panic and anxiety BUT Ihad no explaination for it and so the cycle began which was to continue for a long long time.

    Coming on this website and getting the book, I believe, were the first steps to my recovery. I still have the obsessional thoughts and definatley alot of attention on myself but I am letting myself trust that this is anxiety playing it’s tricks and basically habit! I have had some really difficult times during this period just wishing the thoughts would go away and not come with so much force (schizophrenia was also a big fear of mine too) BUT with every setback I am recovering alot quicker and not letting it bother me so much. I agree with paul that this website if possible should not be used as a crutch. For the first few weeks I had discovered it and received the book, I think I fell into the trap of thinking AGAIN that I would instantly get better. I think this is what led me to have a setback. I actually have stepped aside from the book and the website and instead allowed myself do “normal” things, sitting watching TV with my partner, seeing friends, excersising etc no matter how I feel i feel I am beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I do not feel this will be an overnight thing but something that will take time but I feel inside of me that I will get there.

  27. christina Says:

    wow, even far into recovery, i can still become too impressed with an anxious obsessive thought. It’s funny how my responses can vary. One week or even month, I barely pay attention to any anxiety symptoms and then the next, I am tricked for a while into biting the bait. I definitely see the connection between stresses in my life and my anxiety levels rising a bit. I’d love to hear from someone who has/is experiencing something similar. I think I just need a little reassurance!

  28. Fiona Says:

    Hi natalie,
    i’ve always been indecisive so i cant help you with that one!! Yeah the anxiety will make you more sensitive, its because you are feeling quite negative at the moment so everything else takes a negative slant. When you are happy/positive/non-anxious you can brush off a negative incident as you have a lot positive insulatation built up.

    Hi Christina,
    you will experince stress and anxiety in normal life which obviously has ups and downs. You must accept that you will feel stressed at times, its only normal. You should have no fear of stress everyone experiences it, your feelings may be stronger due to your anxiety but they always return to normal levels. You cant control anxiety symptoms but you can control your reaction to them and a ‘whatever’ attitude is essential even if it fels bit false sometimes.

    Fi xxx

  29. Fiona Says:

    Yolande you say,
    Scarlet or anyone,
    For the past few nights I starting thinking abt losing my loved ones and it scares me enuf to make me cry. It’s a release of sorts for me i guess. I know this is anxiety’s work again but just want to know if it’s normal to suddenly feel sensitised again when I am so close to the end?

    I hope you understand that your being silly here. You are thinking pointless thoughts and upsetting yourself with them! When you get thoughts like this its a good opportunity to practise letting silly anxiety thoughts float by. Anxiety does not really have an end-point as such, its not there one minute and gone the next. Its in your attitude and your ability to see symptoms as harmless until you can leave them behind you. Symptoms will remain to the end although will obviously decrease, so you should expect to feel symptoms.

    Fi xx

  30. Teresa J Says:

    This was a great post for me, I have been through all these stages and as I can also identify with Paul on the length of time I had anxiety for, the habits were ingrained. I am much improved and I am really a good way into recovery – and I partake in everything in life as usual but I have not left go completely, i am still somehow not fully accepting. I think this post has told me that I am trying too hard to accept, trying too hard to be well – I have to somehow ‘believe’ myself – this is the part that sometimes works (quite often now) and other times I find myself starting to feel the need for a hand to stop me slipping.
    I know i should be able to put the tools down now Paul, lol – and i am sure i will sometime soon. But for now – thank you for making me realise, I don’t have to worry – even if i need the odd bit of help, it’s not a problem. I know i echoe so many here – when i say thank you.
    Diana – i have been wondering how you were, so pleased all is well – i was hoping you were taking a positive break from the site and now i can see you were. so nice to hear from you and that things are ok with you.

    Anyone new to this site – anxiety is not the monster it makes us believe it is. It’s very clever at convincing us it is – but as I once read somewhere – it’s the monster in the wadrobe when you’re in the dark, then when you turn the light on and you see there’s nothing there it can’t frighten you anymore.

  31. Teresa J Says:

    one other thing I wanted to mention was that I am getting glimpses of thinking of myself as ‘normal’ – not needing to consider my anxiety – they only last momemtarily as if I can all of sudden think of me not having to concern myself with me. A strange feeling – but good.

  32. jess h Says:

    Teresa and jess I feel I am on the same path as you guys! Where I am nearly there but still focus on me and my anxiety but can also go days weeks without focusing on me! To where I can also say I can see my life as being normal again.what I am struggling with at the mo though is letting go of worrying how I feel and trying to be positive when my down feelings of life hit me! Did you girls experience this? Your last posts have helped me and I wondered if you could offer some advice on how to manage this? I know I should just let it be buy I am finding it hard. Thank you love jess x x

  33. jess Says:

    Hi Jess H,
    Again this is something you just have to accept and live alongside for a wile, its hard i know but you just have to accept it and keep moving. Trying to do as much normal things as possible and not let anxiety get you down or stop you from doing things. I once heard somebody on this site describe recovery from anxiety as a process by which it peels away in layers. Its like you are slowly moving backwards from your worst point. I would describe the point i am at at the mo as layer 1, this is how i felt just before i let everything loose control. But the difference is now, i have control so it will be harder for me to fall off the edge again. What i am trying to do now, is just get my confidence back in life!

    Jess, im not sure what your experience with anxiety was, but i suffered from scary thoughts about hurting my lil sister who i absolutely adore! It drove me nuts and i was petrified that i couldn’t even be in the same house! Now 3 months later i am nearly back to normal and me and my lil sister play everyday and even if i do have a thought, i know that it is my anxiety trying to trick me! and i carry on as normal…. Yes i do understand it is uncomfortable but i live alongside it! I will not EVER let it effect my life ever again! Jess H, even people without anxiety have bad where they feel like crap but they just get on with it. But because of are inward thinking people with anxiety dwell on feeling like crap where the best thing to do is just keep moving. I feel like I’ve waffled on a bit, but my main point is jess,we are nearly there just give your body time and space and we’ll feel strong again. Keep moving and especially keep smiling!

    Love your friend

    Jess J

  34. yolande Says:

    thanks fiona.

    one thing just occured to me. if let’s say when i feel down, i decide to do something to cheer myself up eg shopping, read a book etc. would this mean that i am not accepting the feelings?? like i am trying to distract myself from thinking abt my low feelings.

    anyone care to share their thoughts on this pls?

  35. lorryt Says:

    hi all

    unsure today why things are going downhill, i guess after reflecting on the past couple of months i have had a very stressful time, and have just been awyf or a few days with the family, i felt great and have come home and its like ground zero. i have returned to feeling nothing at all, lack of emotion, and get really stressed at the slightest wrong comment. heads all fuzzy and i have found myself returing to claire weekes book, ( as i have leantpauls out to someone, think thats gone forever !). i just seemd to have lost hope with it all. all negativity has kicked in again and i see the future stretching out infront of me as nothing. stupid brain fagand negative thoughts take up my whole head . i feel there is more to come adn i dont know how to approach it if u get me?. not sure that i get anything today. dont mean to be negative but lost the positive totallyxx

  36. candie Says:

    Lorry- the fact u felt so well for days is proof you can fully recover.. so take this with you when you feel crap. When i had moments like you are having now i said to myself ok i feel crap, oh well- iv been here before and it was harmless.. this time i wont push it away il let it in. Then take ya focus back to the things that matter, the housework, getting out and about with the kids- making a nice tea. Dont let anxiety become your day, let it be in your day- you have to let it pass you by as you get on with life. Its ok to not feel positive, just dont rumernate about anything. When you catch yourself rumernating or panicking about a negative or scary thought, tell yourself its ok to think this as anxiety produces these thoughts and your going to allow them in, then decide to focus on more productive things. In time this helped me stop taking the negatives so seriously, i stopped mullin them over so my mind cleared. You can do it Lorry, a good few days can mean full recovery.

  37. ross Says:

    Hey everyone!!!! looking for some advice,

    with my anxiety i get really blank feelings like im not here 4 a few seconds just find it hard 2 not be alarmed by the feeling? any advice ??

    also does anyone suffer from muscle twitches??? these can make me jump and then cause anxiety for a while

    and should i avoid alcohol altogether??? i go out to socialise but next day my anxiety goes bonkers

    i know what i need 2 do with accepting and letting be there just find it hard somtimes 2 do

    please get back never got a reply 2 my last posts , some advice always helps 2 pick me up

  38. Isiah Says:

    Ok i need some help here. How do you deal with the psychological aspects of anxiety? I went three months thinking i was loosing my mind literally that i lost touch with the outside world to the point where i thought it would be impossible to feel “Normal” again and did nothing but try to get through the day for three months until one day i realized just to not think about it. After awhile i started to feel more and more normal.

    Now i know i’m completely normal but everyday i still check in and feel as though i forgot how it is to be normal. I constantly ask questions like “When you walk do you think or just walk” Basically i’m trying to constantly remember how to be present 24/7 like i was my entire life before anxiety hit me back in April. Also i no longer feel the physical aspects of anxiety it’s just always on my mind even though i know i’m normal. How do i deal with this problem and has anybody been through this problem before?

  39. Isiah Says:

    I forgot to add, i constantly say only if i never allowed myself to go crazy for three months and dealt with the anxiety when i had the physical symptoms or only if i found this site back in April, when my anxiety started, i think like this constantly now too and try to ignore the thoughts, is this normal as well? Or am i just obsessed with thinking i suffer from anxiety and i really don’t? I really need some input on these two posts. I just want to feel like i’m not alone, even though i wish this type of mental hell never existed.

    Also i find myself ignoring my appetite most days now as well, but still go on with my day and pray for the next day to be easier. I also have two kids and i’m married. I just beat myself up that this happened to me and i look at my son and wife and tell them how much i regret this ever happened and that i should of went out more and been more social in the past.

  40. marc Says:

    hi ross,

    as far as feeling blank for a few seconds go i wouldnt try and let it worry you too much, id say its more than likely just a slight case of D.P so the next time you feel blank, dont be alarmed! its perfectly normal and just anxiety playing its tricks! as for the muscle twitches, dont be alarmed by that either! for months i have been getting twitches in my lower back with a slight bit of tension, and i exercise a lot so i thought i might have done something in training, went to the hospital, got an MRI scan done and what d’ya know-im fine! its just an irritating symtom that some of us get with anxiety thats all so dont sweat over it! as for alcohol, you dont need to avoid it completly, it just depends what type of alcohol you need to avoid. the likes of vodka red bull, yagerbombs, shots,cocktails-stear clear of them! especially anything thats mixed with red bull! the caffeine levels just contribute to anxiety and will bring on severe panic attacks! my advice would be to just stick to the beer(preferably something light like coors light or bud light), but in moderation, pace yourself, and drink water in between. you do this and i gaurentee youll feel much better the next day after a night out mate! :)

    hi isiah,

    dont be alarmed what your going through! its completly normal. being concious of everything-walking,eating or whatever is normal! im constantly like this at the moment where i question everything!-like eating a sandwich i could be feeling really strange and weird and then out of nowhere questions would come into my mind like-”what the hell is going on here?” ”is this real?” ”am i real, do i exist?” ”is this sandwich real?!?” and the strange/weird feelings would get even worse and it feels like theyre never going to go away! ridiculous i know, but it still gets me but i cant wait for the future when im recovered and look back and crack up laughing thinking what nonsense i let get to me!!! so the main thing for us to do is try to not be too impressed by it and let these strange feelings and questions in and after a while they will eventually fade. as for the constant checking in to see how you feel, what you need to try and do is realise that you are fine and that there is nothing wrong with you mentally or physically and say to yourself ”i know im fine so i dont care how i feel today! i know these feelings will eventually fade! so come if you like! i dont care!” and with this attitude they should inch by inch fade. easier said than done i know! im still trying to do this myself but it does work when you give it a chance! :)

  41. ross Says:

    cheers marc thanks so much for the advice just the pick up i needed :)

  42. Isiah Says:

    Marc thank you for your reply! I know i’m real, i know i’m here. It just like i forgot how it feels like to be int he moment and present. Due to the fact that i spend three months obsessing about my symptoms (Inward thinking). I forgot how it is to be in the present moment. Now i’m trying to relearn how to live like i always lived. Trying to remember how it is to be happy? Be sad? How it is to have a normal conversation with personality. It is really hard to describe. I went sooo long thinking my mind was going to literally fall out of my head everyday.

    Now if i dealt with the original anxiety i had. The physical symptoms when they first started back in April. Constant lump in the throat, feeling like i was going to die and that i had some disease like MS and Cancer. I would be fine now and not asking questions like “When you walk do you think?” “When you look at the tv do you just watch it or think about it” It’s like i’m trying to be remember how it is to live again (Something i never had to question my entire life cause i just lived. It’s weird but thank you Marc and if anybody else has a similar experience please share. I wish anxiety or ocd thinking never existed.

  43. Isiah Says:

    Marc i have another question for you. You say everything feels unreal to you. Are you able to see everything clearly? I’m just asking this question cause i’m able to see everything perfectly clear. I know nothing is wrong with me it’s just the thoughts telling me otherwise. Also did you also feel like you were losing your mind literally, like one day you might forget how to look, speak or even move?

    I want to apologize for posting so much on this particular thread to anyone who is annoyed by now. Just living with these constant useless thoughts day in and day out are really hard and this will be my last post for awhile. Thank you all.

  44. ross Says:

    Can i get some advice please???

    Does any1 else feel and have thoughts about why you are unhappy and the cause of stress???

    I always think maybe its my job-‘should i quit?’

    or my girlfriend ‘is she stressing me out? should i finish with her?’

    or do i need to move away and have a fresh start??

    How do i know that im not just thinking this because im going through an anxiety period ???

    do i wait til im fully recoverd and evaluate things then??

  45. ross Says:

    hey isaih,
    it sounds to me like you are forcing recovery , You have anxiety because of a tired mind and nerves so your body needs a break!!

    and if your constantly trying to remember how you lived before anxiety then your mind is not gettin a break i know its easier said than done im still at that stage myself .

    Let recovery come to you you dont have to search for it . now that i truly understand this myself i have made big strides in recovery.

    and no need to apologize about posts its cool man everyone is here to help each other we’re all in same boat.

    hope ive helped you here any time for advice

  46. ross Says:

    Yolande i know exactly what you mean.

    Is keeping yourself busy mean you are running from anxiety??

  47. Isiah Says:

    I think i got it now. the feeling i’m trying to describe is me trying to retrain my brain on how to think, act, and be the way i use to be before anxiety and all of it’s psychological symptoms hit. I now nothing is wrong with me but i keep thinking there is.

    Thats why i keep asking how to be present (Cause i forgot) and how do i have the feelings and personality i use to have (I do see them in glimpses but i feel like i’ll be in this state for ever).

    Also i don’t have any racing heartbeat, trouble sleeping, even though i’m never tired anymore in the day time and have to force myself to eat. Anyways i give up i think what i’m going through is all in my head.

    Thank you all for your comments and time i’ll just have to live with this non existent problem. It also sucks that i don’t know if i’m recovered even though i have no reason to think otherwise. It’s misery day after day.

  48. Fiona Says:

    Ross and Yolande,
    keeping yourself busy and doing this that make you happy are exactly what you are supposed to do. Initially doing things you enjoy you will be wrapped up in anxiety but eventually just being involved in your task will take over. It’s this just getting on with things that will lead you to recover, this is by no means running away. You are accepting and getting on with things, v important to do!

  49. candie Says:

    Isiah you go out and you live again, live regardless of how you feel and dont try to push it away or force been outward. If you strive to feel normal feelings, you are resisting still- if you let it go and decide they will come back on there own if you stop fighting gradually you will notice improvements till your back to normal again.

    Ross, you cant blame anyone for your stress or anxiety but yourself- a person only becomes what they react to. If you change your thought pattern about these things then you dont have to remove yourself from the situation. You are controlling this completely..ever noticed how someone can be told the worst news or have the worst luck, yet not be a nervous wreck or depressed- thats because they dont react with extreme rumernation of the events.. they take them as they come, dont resist the bad and have a healthier thought pattern towards them. Things are only ever as bad as we perceive them basically!

  50. Scott Says:

    Hey everyone,

    Looking for some advice. Have struggled with loads of anxiety symptoms over course of a few years, things like panic, sleep issues, checking blood pressure constantly but happy and thankful to say that is all a thing of the past. What I have been struggling with for sometime now is a seemingly constant focus on myself and a hyper vigilance of my own thoughts for example I could have a thought “what if I count tunnels” as I drive under one, sounds absurd right? Believe it or not that gets me up in my head and monitoring, that on guard feeling that is so frustrating/depressing. I scare myself further that this is ingrained and will never end….sounds silly but is notion of thoughts sticking due to a problem in head freaks me out….I try to accept but think I am doing it from a position of weakness rather than confidence that it will pass in time…any suggestions would be most appreciated. Thanks scott

  51. Isiah Says:


    How do you know when your normal again though? Thats my dilemma with the mental aspects of anxiety. I no longer know the feeling. Will it just click in one day? It feels like i’ll be like this forever. I analyze everything from looking around, to my movement to talking and how to act. I went out to a friends house with my son and wife today(Married couple with kids) and the whole time i kept on saying if i was normal i would be able to enjoy myself more, if i was normal i would discipline my son the right way, if i was normal i would know when to talk and be more interesting.

    I just felt weird and my head hurts now. Anyways i will learn how to better accept my condition cause i sure know i can’t fight it (I will lose for sure) It’s just hard waking up in the morning dealing with this problem, when there are real problems in the world like money issues, spending “Real” quality time with my wife, son and showing them the affection i use to show them before this all happened.

    I spend so long being normal i forgot what it’s like to be mad, stressed, funny, experience real excitement. All i do all day is say only if i did this, only if i listened to my wife back then, only if i was a better person, then i say in my head all day that i wish this doesn’t happen to my worse enemy (Which is true)

    It’s just torture to live this way. If i listened to my wife back in april before taking every psych med in the world and getting admitted into a psych ward for 1 week (Voluntary, i would of been fine). When i had the phsycial aspect of anxiety (ie, thinking i was going to die, shortness of breath, heart attack (anxiety related), tingling in the arms feet and light headedness).

    Anyways thank you candie, ross, and marc for your advice i’ll do what i can. I just don’t want to feel this way forever!

  52. Mark R Says:

    @ Isiah.

    Try not to keep blaming things and using if onlys, this is all in the past now and is spilt milk. Its so easy to blame things or look for reasons why you feel the way you do, trust me Ive been there! I spent months blaming my diet, my job, my exams, not exercising enough, my upbringing.

    What remains really is that you’re in a mind state which is temporary. Its crap, but temporary!!

    I almost booked myself into a pysch ward, but was talked out of it by my friends. Dont blame yourself for that, you were obviously in a horrible place at the time and just wanted to get better.

    In terms of the drugs being tried on you, well unfortunately thats how anxiety is treated in this country. From my own experience with the NHS and mental health teams and reading other peoples I can tell you that anxiety is extremely misunderstood. Many people have been passed from pillar to post to look for a solution or ‘magic bullet’. Reading Pauls book you will see that he went through a similar experience with doctors and really what this site is here for…..you have everything you need inside you to get better!!

    So chin up, it will get better!!!

  53. marc Says:


    the checking in and constantly monitoring phase we go through with anxiety is completly normal. our minds are so wrapped up in ourselves that it seems like we can focus on nothing else but ourselves-”how am i feeling?” ”whats this new sensation i feel?” ”why am i getting these thoughts?” etc… so dont worry yourself, the best thing to do is let these questions and thoughts in, give them the time they take to float around in your mind, and eventually they will go. try not to fight these questions/thoughts by trying to disregard them or by distracting yourself, just let them in and dont be impressed by them, let them in with a ‘so what’ attitude. and these obsured thoughts that we get, like you said ‘what if i count tunnels’ as you drive under one, it sounds to me like this is just a slight bit of ocd thinking, which is one of the symptoms we get when we have anxiety. i have this myself, the two main anxiety symptoms that i have now are D.P(depersonalization) and D.R(derealization), so my ocd thoughts have led to sort of philisophical ones like-”am i real?” ”do i exist?” ”is this situation that im in now really happening?” which can lead to me feeling numb, major pain in the arse!!!…but i know this is just an offshoot of my anxiety and i just have to give it time and patience and it will eventually fade. so believe me when i say your fine mate and what your experiencing is completly normal! a little time and patience and youll be back to your old self buddy! :)


  54. MLK Says:

    Hey Everyone, so I am in a setback currently and in need of some advice. Lately I have been feeling like I am in a dream world..almost like I will feel so strange in where I am at the moment. I was at work the other day and I all of the suddent felt like I didnt know where I was, or where I was was completely unfamiliar..it made me feel so uncomfortable and it sent me into this constant worrying that I am -going crazy. I work in a mental health facility, so I am always thinking that I am going to have schizophrenia..I know it is dumb, but I worry about it so much at times, that it can feel so real. I recently found out some frightening news about my a close family member and his health and it has sent me into a stressful mode for the past 2 weeks. I am thinking that this doesnt necessarily help my anxious state, but I need to learn to deal with this news in a healthy way instead of allowing my anxiety to take over my life. I still am active though..I work everyday..I havent been working out as much lately (which is something that has helped me in the past), so maybe I should jump on that bandwagon again, but I do not hesitate to do things like I used to when axiety was at its onset. I guess what I am really asking is if anyone else has felt this detachment and this unfamiliarity with their surroundings…it really freaks me out! I am so ready to just live with this and move forward in my recovery..but I NEED to shake the importance that I give these feelings and thoughts..any advice?!? Thanks!!

  55. Jess H Says:

    hello Jess thank you for your reply, your post made a lot of sense to me…… i am carrying on as normal and to be honest my anxiety has never stopped me from doing normal things i just at my worst stage felt paniky doing them and wanted to run away . i.e at nights out clubbing i would just want to go home, i can now say this has improved 100% and i now enjoy going out even if my attention is on how i feel. I hear what your saying with the scary thoughts, i had them all from hurting my family etc but my worst was stupid suicidal thoughts which would pop in and scare the hell out of me as I did not feel this way ever!!!! its amazing how anxiety can make you feel, i am pleased to say these have all faded now and i have not had bad thoughts for over 2 months…… so keep your chin up jess yours will go just give them no thought and eventually you will laugh at them.
    I beleive my anxiety came from years of worry, my mum recently suffered with cancer but thank god she is well now, this put a lot of stress and worry on me, i also worry a hell of a lot about my family etc….. a bit to much i suppose but hey!!!!! i have a twin sister who suffered with anxiety and majorly bad with DP, to the point where i was worried sick about her as i didnt understand the condition she was suffering, she had this for a year and slowly got better to where she is fully recovered. I know though as soon as she was better i kinda let myself worry i had what she did as i woke up one morning with a fuzzy head and compared it to her, so strange i no but i beleive this is wear my worrying started.

    So i no now i have come so far from how i used to feel but i still home in to much on myself, alot of inward thinking i would say. i am trying to put into practise all the good stuff i read on here and often refer to pauls book for reassurance. My main thing now is worrying about life, i.e. will i have a good life, what hapens if life is rubbish, i guess life is what we make it but they get me each time they enter my head. Then the belly flips etc. I have a wonderful family and boyfriend who help me through the low times.

    Would you say you sometimes feel low??? i am wondering if this is the last stage as everything else has seemed to have subsided. I am also worried that i have not found how to deal with this if it ever comes back as bad and sometimes worry if i even had anxiety at all, so strange i no.
    Hope your ok jess, thank you for ur posts they place a smile on my face……

    Love your friend jess xxx

  56. Jess H Says:

    one more thing for anyone, scarlet, candie????

    can someone explain why we focus on ourselves most of the time, i.e. how we are feeling as i want to try and understand more for me to except that this is happening and just let the strange thoughts come in and give them their space. Any explaination of this last thing of mine would be very grateful.
    Is this just another off shot of anxiety we are experiencing and will this fade like the other symptoms we feel??? soem advise on how to deal with constantly focusing on yourself would be great.

    thank you Jess H x

  57. Isiah Says:

    @Jess H

    I just wanted you to know that i understand exactly how you feel when you wonder if you have anxiety at all or are you just obsessed with anxiety. I’m pretty much at this stage and it’s the psychological aspect of anxiety, which is much worse then the physical aspect of anxiety (In my opinion).

    Like everybody else says you just have to do the things you would normally do and embrace the thoughts and weird spacey feelings that come with this. It gets hard for me everyday, as soon as i wake up in the morning, my mind reminds me to check in and worry about something that doesn’t even exist…. ANXIETY.

  58. Isiah Says:

    Final question to all then i’m done (hopefully for good, don’t want to wear out my welcome here). Sorry for the past two days and feel really bad for commenting so much but i have one last question?

    Candie, Mark, Scarlet Paul David anybody?

    How do you know when your relieved from the psychological aspects of anxiety? Or is it always a just is thing? Thats my biggest dilemma. I can walk around my house, go outside, conversate with people, and see things perfectly clear. But how do i know i reached that final hurdle? I just have no idea. I could be healed right now but still have no idea that i’m. Sorta like what Jess H said about thinking your suffering from anxiety but your really not at all…

  59. marc Says:


    to be honest you wont really realise it when youve overcome the psychological aspect, once you start following what paul says in his book about just letting your thoughts and feelings be and stop trying to fight them, and just go about your day, you will gradually start feeling like your old self in due time and u probably wont even realise it because your interest will have gone from your anxiety to different matters! and dont be silly mate! you can never overstay your welcome here! 😉

    ps, the book finally arrived today in the post and cant wait to flick through it when i get back from work! :)

  60. candie Says:

    Isiah honestly your at the last hurdle, where your left with a feeling you cant describe, your mind just needs to catch upto your body thats all.. and it will. Gradually your mind will realise it doesnt need to focus on you anymore, as nothing is happening anxiety wise- so it will focus on life and you will be back to normal :)

  61. Isiah Says:

    Can’t wait to purchase Paul’s book on Friday. Also thank you all. I think it’s the mind part thats all. I do notice i’m starting to do regular things again. I want to stress thats it’s been happening “Slowly” but surely. Thank you Candie and Marc. Feel weird and odd today like i’m looking at myself (Without actually doing so) but i’m just doing the things i would normally do. Thank you candie and marc once again!

  62. Isiah Says:

    @candie, ross or marc.

    Have any of you ever walked around your house and say to yourself, i’m real, i can feel, i can touch so why am i thinking about something that doesn’t exist? I just did this just now. I been going about my day doing normal things that i like to do but then i get thoughts like “Will i ever be able to work again” (I’m unemployed at the moment), “will i ever know what it’s like to act the way i use to act”.

    I admit…. i’m fixated on this invisible monster. I truly can’t wait until friday. Then i’ll be able to buy Paul’s book and stop wrestling with myself. I just have two kids and a wife and no longer want to let them down and just live my life without thinking something ain’t right.

  63. Scott Says:

    Thanks so much for reply. I believe I know why the “thought” stuff grabs me – probably because I am scared of OCD, just real sensitive to even the word.as someone who has battled through panic, sleep problem, that is problem the reason I monitor my thoughts and still scare myself with “what IFs” on the psychological side, it still has a hold over me, that is I view it as a monster and panic and the pending sleep issue I had and conquered I clearly see how it was all driven by my own worry. Guess have not made the connection or come to beleive that I am doing the same thing here with worrying about my thoughts. I think the thoughts even come only because I worry about them being there- does that make any sense???? As long as anxiety symptoms areviewed as something sinister we will worry and be all up in our heads and it is awful be. It robs us of the present moment we all crave. Thanks marc for the reply, I know deep down I am likely doing to myself but that little uncertainty is letting anxiety flourish thnks chris

  64. Eric Eckenrode Says:

    Can anyone relate to my problem. I think that i have DP, the feelings of unreality, not feeling like myself, listening to my own voice as if it were not mine. I am worried that I am clinically depressed and that is what is causing me to be so withdrawn, having odd thoughts, not wanting to do anything. I think of things my 5 year old daughter does like drawing me a picture or something and I feel very sad that I can’t have the right emotions for her, like I know I love her but I can’t feel it, I feel like she is so pure and innocent, and she deserves so much love from me, but I can’t give it to her. From the moment I wake up till the moment I go to sleep, I have horrible thoughts, not like I want to hurt someone or anything like that, but more of a bizarre thought/feeling. Like what is the point in anything when it is always going to be feeling like this. Every single thought I have is trumped by this bizarre/dark/ sad feeling almost like no matter what I do I will always see things this way. I just can’t understand how this could happen to me in the blink of an eye as it did. Has anyone experienced these feelings. Looking for Help.

  65. Isiah Says:

    @ Eric

    I’m going through the same thoughts/feelings now as we speak. I cry daily, thinking about how it would be, to play with my son, if i was always thinking that i’m not normal and feeling strange versus actually just playing with him.

    I also have the thoughts that this misery will never end and i won’t be my “Old Self” again. Only way to defeat this feeling is accepting this feel as the new you and doing the things you would normally do to give your brain a rest of the constant monitoring. I currently suffer from the same feeling.

  66. marc Says:


    the feelings of detachment that you are feeling now is D.P(depersonalization) nothing more, nothing less. and from this symptom we can let our minds trick us into thinking that its something far worse and our minds can spiral asking all sorts of questions! the trick is not to try fight the symptom by trying to think of something different to get our mind off it, or by turning on the tv to distract us etc, but to just let it be and work with it, once you do this, you will start to feel normal again!


    when your doing activities that you normally get enjoyment out of and you get a thought like ” is what im doing at the moment real? and why do i feel enjoyment from it?” and this persists into that blank scary feeling, the best thing to do, is keep going about what you are doing and to say to these thoughts/feelings-”come if u want, i dont care, you cant hurt me or anybody around me!” which it cant! and a good bit of advice i could give which i think would be a huge help, would be that if you find it hard to talk to your wife about your anxiety, or if she cant relate or seem to understand what is wrong with you, get her to have a look at the site and show her what you are feeling, plus when you get the book on friday, get her to have a read through it herself which will give her an understanding of what your going through.


    you thought right, what you have by the sounds to me is DP, but trust me dont be alarmed mate! this is just a minor off-shoot of your anxiety which can make us feel emotionally spent, so in regards to what you were saying that you have so much love for your daughter but you cant give it to her, it sure feels like it, but trust me, the love is there regardless of how you feel! my sister had a baby boy there 9 weeks ago and i felt the same when i first saw him, nothing, like i was made of stone or something, and it pissed me off and upset me so much that i couldnt feel anything for this little bundle of joy! BUT, i still wasnt gonna let that affect my relationship with him! i still fed him, looked after him, changed him! and down the line, the feelings start to come back, even for a split second and you can go back to this numbness! but do you see what im getting at? the trick is to go towards these feelings, play with your daughter, do all the things you would regularly do with her even before your anxiety came and if these thoughts/feelings come, dont let them get you down, let them in and dont be alarmed by them, they will eventually fade buddy! :)

  67. marc Says:


    i forgot to mention as well mate, seeing people that are mentally ill, like you do in your work, people with schizophrenia or bipolar or whatever, can lead our anxiety to play tricks on our mind thinking that ”god am i on the verge of having one of these illnesses?” ill give you a prime example, there about 3 months back i was getting the train into work, and i already wasnt feeling great with my anxiety, a woman had got on who was blatently mentally ill, she was talking to herself, trying to talk to other people on the train about obsurd things etc, anyway we came up to one of the stops where theres a bridge and this woman had gotten out of the train and climbed up onto the barriers where the bridge was like she was about to jump over. now thank god she didnt, but seeing this absolutly thrashed my already tired mind! all sorts was running through my head!-”am i going to end up like that woman?” ” will i end up doing something stupid?”… but i had to realise that people who are unfortunate to have a mental illness like that, dont necessarily know or understand that there is something wrong with them, where the likes of us(anxiety sufferers) are completly aware that there is something wrong! plus the likes of those mental illnesses come from chemical imbalances in the brain etc where anxiety is nothing but a behavioural condition!


    i forgot to mention as well, you are 100% not clinically depressed mate! you can take my word on it! its like what i was just saying above, anxiety can trick us into percieving our condition as something much much worse than what it is! what your feeling is normal and completly fine in regards to anxiety buddy! :)

  68. marc Says:

    just on another note, and this is for everyone! its a proven fact that people that usually suffer with anxiety have a superior intellect, a creative intelligence if you will, because we are so in depth with our thoughts/emotions. and when we do recover we start to realish this intelligence! our guru paul david is a prime example! :) just look at what he has accomplished through his recovery, he has wrote his own book and set up his own website which has helped thousands of people!

  69. marc Says:

    just on another note, it is a proven fact that people that do suffer with anxiety usually have this superior intellect, a creative intelligence if you will, because we are so in depth with our thoughts/emotions. and when we recover, we tend to realish this intelligence! our guru paul david is a prime example! :) just look at what he has accomplished through his recovery! he has wrote his own book and set up his own website which has helped thousands of people!!! so i know we may not feel like it now, but something good is going to come from our anxiety, there is going to be light at the end of the tunnel, and its going to be some journey when we reach the end of this tunnel! :)

  70. marc Says:

    lol i hate the way our first post cant show and we have to re-write what we already wrote! note to self- copy/paste! lol 😛

  71. Isiah Says:

    @ Marc

    I love the attitude. I only hope. Feeling like this constantly is exhausting. We all can be doing other things, like ENJOYING our lives. Instead of constantly fighting and trying to come to grips with our minds.

    How it is that we are all perfectly normal and healthy, but our own minds and thoughts try to convince us otherwise. This is insane…. Anyways, it’s time for me to hit the sheets and deal with this all again tomorrow. Night all..

  72. candie Says:

    Isiah yes i did do that, i also used to look at people and get a feeling of WOW i Exist so to speak, im this little entity on this planet, then it would go to how i was created and id get really confused and anxious- dont confuse this with DP though, as its hyperawareness of ones existence not been disconected from yourself. Its caused from analysing too much, in the end i said I QUIT! I’m not going to analyse these existanal thoughts anymore and i let them pop in but i didnt follow the train of thought to figure them out. They went sooo quick when i did that, and then the focus went from myself too.

  73. candie Says:

    All those that are worrying about feeling numb, trust me when i say this- when my little boy was about 3 months old i felt numb for a while and i worried over this symptom too, as soon as i refused to analyse this feeling and said its fine to feel it anxiety does this.. my mind calmed and i became more outward and now i feel everything for my son. No feelings have ever gone away, your just introspecting that much your not taking in all the wonderful moments and experiencing them. So dont worry thinking your emotions have gone, there are there under all the anxiety- you have merely distracted yourself from noticing them… due to focusing on anxiety. Dont get into the cycle of then worrying over this symptom and feeling even more numb as your more distracted- just understand and allow and do all the things u want to do with your life.

  74. Andrew Says:

    Hi all

    Marc – your post about seeing mentally ill people and frightening yourself I can TOTALLY relate to, even seeing articles on anxiety/depression/bi polar/suicide or news stories to even, I work in a hospital and going near the psych wards can hit me with a woosh of anxiety/panic!!

    Candie – just re your above last but 1 post. I have total was seems like 24/7 focus on myself I feel like my eyes are turned the other way round and watch everything I do and say to whats happening in my body stomach churning/shakey hands and so on. I have Will Beswicks book as well and am working hard on the analysing but it seems so ingrained. In 1 of the posts above again from Marc he says quite rightly this is not a mental illness but a behavoural problem and so much of it is ingrained in bad habits. I can also totally relate to this I have lots of bad habits that continue to contribute to my issues. I know everyones habits are different but Candie do you have any advise on how to brake bad habits in relation to anxiety?

  75. MLK Says:

    Thanks for the reply, Marc..Your example of the lady on the train really helped! I do love working with this population, but sometimes, in my anxious state, I tend to think very irrationally after being with them on a regular basis! Thanks :)

  76. Isiah Says:

    @ Andrew?

    LOL! I was experiencing the same exact thing yesterday. I felt like my eyes were behind my head looking at myself (without actually being able to do so). It’s being hyper aware of yourself. Your brain is still tired like mines. Eventually your gonna quit caring to the point where you will move on. We are 80% recovered (In my mind).

    I just have to learn to eat again and not give in to these feelings too much thought. I too awake focusing on me 24/7 I would suggest reinstating some hobbies into your life. Force yourself to live despite the over analyzing. This is the psychological part of anxiety and the hardest to shake.

  77. Isiah Says:

    @ Candie

    I have a question to ask you? Could it be that i don’t have anxiety at all but just that i put too much focus on the subject and need to get back to just doing the things i use to love doing? I’m starting to ponder this question a lot now as i’m sitting here browsing the web (Regular sites).

  78. Sydney Carton Says:

    Re 2nd post – Why all the needless worry – I had a splendid weekend in the City Of Durham at my daughter’s house. What a snug, compact city full of friendly people and steep hills. I ended my stay with a service of Evensong at the Cathedral. I could have stayed longer but back home now feeling a little flat with a twinge of DP. Nevertheless, looking on Trainline for a repeat journey towards the end of September.

  79. Mike F. Says:

    For the past few months I’ve been experiencing a good deal of improvement. But the thing is, on some bad days, I feel worse than I ever did at any time in the past and I feel like I’m never going to get better. It’s confusing. Is this “normal” for recovery? To feel better than ever before, then worse than ever before on other days?

  80. candie Says:

    The best way to break a bad habit caused by anxiety is to understand the fear fuelling it is false and not relevant at all. Say i had a thought which is so bizarre but for some reason seems real and scary to me- id then note to myself the fear behind it is false so im not going to get caught up analysing it and then id focus elsewhere. This can go for any thought, even one about not recovering, that ul be stuck this way forever etc etc. Anxiety is a habit, nothing more- any thought that makes u uncomfortable is anxiety driven and should be allowed in as its caused by anxiety but not pondered- it will feel like it should be looked at and figured out, but tell yourself anxiety makes it feel real but its not and u wont be rumernating over it.

  81. candie Says:

    Isiah, none of us have a disorder at all really- just a habit. Ever herd the quote ‘your focus becomes your reality’? Well thats what anxiety is, we focus on a thought, it will seem real and justified fear, we focus on a feeling and rumernate over it.. the feeling will intensify and become unbearable. If we allow anxiety to be in the background it will just go away. There are no exceptions EVER- anyone who decides anxiety is no longer important to them anymore will gradually recover- i learnt this the hard way, but its what really helped me

  82. Isiah Says:

    It’s almost like i’m stuck in a constant deep thought. That has become the norm for me now. Thats why I keep saying i lost knowing how to just be in the present all the time, like before anxiety hit. I spend soo much time inward thinking for 3 months i forgot what it’s like being normal again. So i have a constant mental battle trying to remember! IS that DP or DR Candie?

    Like i said i can see things clearly, hear clearly. Do anything you tell me to do, just fine. I don’t hear voices or see things in any weird way. My vision is clear as day. I can laugh, i do cry a lot, thinking that this will never end.

    Anyways i just spend the day doing things i normally would do. Not bad. Still feel uncomfortable. I also let all my “only if” thoughts in. I keep saying, “only if i did this” “only if i did that” still, but don’t let them bother me as much. It almost feels like my brain is exhausted and has given up on thinking about me, me, me.

    Thanks Candie, hopefully you can continue to bring insight. It is helping me more and more.

  83. candie Says:

    Isiah, i had this for years and it went away- honestly alls it is is deep thought its not DP or DR no. I never felt detatched from myself or the world around me or unreal- i just felt so self aware, stuck in my head and weird because i new nothing but watching myself. It will go away as soon as u let other things in. Can i ask what is your hobbies, your passion? Because whatever they are go persue them and eventually you will forget about you and just be outward and present. Dont make the mistake of focussing on this symptom, as it will just keep it around.. focus on more positive things and just let it be in the background. For me this was one of the last parts of my anxiety to go, i got past most of the fears and was left feeling odd, like i was too aware of my thoughts, actions and mind rather then just living. This is just a habit and fades, its the last leg of anxiety after the fear has diminished- just re-intergrating back into normal living.

  84. Isiah Says:

    Internet (5 hours a day, most days) Video games (use to play them 4-6 hours almost everyday, when in the mood), music (I was a music producer before this hit and music is my passion.), watching movies with my wife and spending time with my son.

    I just constantly get the only if thoughts, even though i’m trying to do the things i use to enjoy. I’m getting headaches now though. I agree i think it’s some type of hyper awareness that won’t go away. Plus i recently cold turkey both celexa and klonopin, even though i was not taking high doses.

    I was feeling this way before taking the meds though.

  85. Fran Says:

    Hello All! I have been visiting the website for a couple of months or so and want to share my story with you all in hopes that it will help someone.
    A year ago I had a panic attack that was so bad and so out of the blue that it landed me in the hospital afraid that I was dying. I wasn’t sure then what anxiety was and just figured it was stress so I forgot about it. Then 3 months ago I had my second panic attack and my anxiety got really bad. I read everything I could get my hands on about panic attacks and anxiety and felt like every day it was all getting worse. All I could do was think about it and was super aware of myself. I had all the symptoms you could think of (nausea, rapid heartbeat, DP, choking feeling, headaches, and really bad depression fueled with suicidal and OCD thoughts). Yes it was that bad. For two months all I did was lay in bed, sleep, and cry for the most part. My partner took care of my children because I couldn’t bring myself to get out of bed. I then became obsessed with any literature I could get my hands on… sadly everything directed me to therapy that since I was on summer vacation from my job I couldn’t afford. Luckily I came across this site and a PANIC workbook that have helped me TREMENDOUSLY. One day something just snapped in me and said NO MORE! I am not going to be a prisoner to anxiety. It was soooo hard! But I slowly started to do things that I used to do (drive, shop, go out, cook, etc…) It was REALLY strange at first but I kept pushing on. No matter how weird or how bad the symptoms got I kept going and going and going. I figured what’s the worst that can happen? Die? Well if I died then I wouldn’t feel that way anymore. I am not 100% recovered but I am about 95% there. I get the random scary thoughts and my heart skips a beat every now and then but I don’t obsess or react to them as I used to. As a matter of fact I accept them and laugh at them just like Paul suggests. I see anxiety and panic as a gift and a curse because I now know that after going through this I can achieve ANYTHING! Even if I do have setbacks (which I have had) they will never be as bad as my first episode because I now have the tools and knowledge to work with. TRUST IN YOURSELF and Good Luck. =)

  86. Fran Says:

    p.s. I also agree with Candie. It’s just a habit. A hard to break habit but nevertheless a HABIT. So why not replace it with a POSITIVE Habit that will make you feel better? Habits are hard to break but once you develop positive ones you will achieve success. Trust in yourself and be PATIENT!

  87. Andrew Says:


    Thanks for the reply Candie, just 1 more quick question! At what point did you move away from feeling like an anxiety sufferer? I find not only with the 24 hours a day focus its the sub consious “label” which dictates how I live my life and what I can and cant do, its also like I look in the mirror in the morning and all I see is Andrew the anxiety sufferer looking back at me!!
    When and at what point did you feel like you had left “all this behind” and you were no longer a victim?


  88. Brian Says:

    Hi guys,

    First post on here. Firstly I’d like to say how good a job the guys do on here about advising us on our condition. Top notch advice. Advice I can lend is if you have found this site first before searching more then stick to it as I’ve read alot and i keep coming back. I do sometimes wish I’d never kept looking so stick to this.

    I’ve been suffering for a few months now. But the progress I have made is unreal and it’s down to these guys. I have control over my physical symptoms but still have strange thoughts so just looking for a bit advice to help me move forward again as I believe I’m at one of the last hurdles.

    For the past month I have started relating objects, people and words to my anxiety. Words like think, mind etc. I sort of obsess over these things then I check back conversations to see if these words were said and I didn’t notice then or walked into a room and never noticed I used an object like the bin in my bedroom as stupid as this sounds. I now notice silver cars on the road and constantly think if I’ve wen passed one I’ve not noticed. I use ‘whatever’ alot in my mind and it has really helped but I’m still there. Any more advice from anyone with a similar symptom? I am really outgoing and have most of my life back and interact with people alot better. I just want to get past this. I have all the time in the world but would like to know I’m doing it right.

    Thanks for any reply

    Keep the chin up everybody.


  89. Paul David Says:

    Andrew Says:

    August 25th, 2010 at 9:09 am e


    Thanks for the reply Candie, just 1 more quick question! At what point did you move away from feeling like an anxiety sufferer? I find not only with the 24 hours a day focus its the sub consious “label” which dictates how I live my life and what I can and cant do, its also like I look in the mirror in the morning and all I see is Andrew the anxiety sufferer looking back at me!!
    When and at what point did you feel like you had left “all this behind” and you were no longer a victim?


    Andrew what you are asking is ‘Will I truly get better?’ , ‘How long will this take?’

    The answer is it takes as long as it takes, we are all different and progress can come uickly for some and longer for others. We also don’t just wake up one day and leave it behind, it is a gradual transition to our old self, nothing comes overnight so don’t put any pressure on yourself to feel a certain way or put time limits on feeling better. Just forget about recovery and go for progress, everything else will take care of itself.

    When you look in the mirror it is o.k to see Andrew the anxiety sufferer, it wasnt until the day I finally accepted that I had anxiety that I moved forward, I had anxiety and it was fine, I was no longer going to fight against it daily. So try to learn to change your attitude to how you feel and live alongside it, don’t see it as a big green eyed monstor trying to ruin your life, it might be an irritation at times but it is only a massive problem if you percive it to be one.

    On the attention being on you 24/7. This comes through the habit of tuning in to how we feel, being concerned by our symptoms, spending our day trying to fix it, as said above I suffered with this feeling pretty bad and was able to come through. We are going to feel this self awareness if we like it or not, through the habit of watching ourself, tuning in to how we feel, spending our day trying to fix it.

    We can’t think our way better or just switch it off. We also can’t hope to try and force forgetfullness of ourself, try and just put it behind us, rushing around the day trying to push the feeling away, this just does not work and ends up as fighting. So we have something I call in the middle and that is to begin to learn to live our life with this feeling of self awareness, whilst paying it little respect. So we are not trying to make it better nor are we trying to force ourself to forget about us. We are just getting on with our life with this feeling there, this is the way to lose the feeling, as we are not trying to fix it, nor are we focusing in on it whilst getting frustrated by it. As we are no longer wasting our time trying to fix and have stopped worrying about it/focusing on it, then other things begin to take our attention, the world around us begins to become more real as we start the process of shifting out attention. If all we think about is us and how we feel, we can only expect to feel so self awarfe and not part of the world around us. It can take time and be a slow transistion, but it is so worth it. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that when you take/follow this advice you wont feel self aware, you will for a while, the difference is you learn to be o.k with it.

  90. candie Says:

    Isiah, it sounds to me that you are still pushing things away a bit- if you try push a feeling away you will focus on it and feel it more.. let yourself be aware of it but dont focus on figuring it out, focus on positive things like your music,kids etc.

    Andrew, as Paul says the day came for me when i realised i was never a victim, anxiety doesnt just pick random people.. we do it to ourselves! For me life became colourful and meaningful again when i allowed it to, when i realised how self absorbed i had been and how i let anxiety rule everything and my life take the back seat. So i got part time work, i socialised, i found hobbies, at the moment im learning to drive.. you cant sit and rumernate on wanting to be rid of anxiety, you have to let it be there and focus on what you do want from life. Make life more important, anxiety will only ever seem as important as u allow yourself to beleive it is. You created it all and you can as easily learn to allow it to be there, take it with a pinch of salt and dismiss every fear that comes up as an anxiety doubt.. acceptable to have considering but dont rumernate about it. If you have to ask when does it all go away, then your basically making anxiety important and to be feared and bigger then it is- in which case it will linger till u see it for what it really is.. harmless

  91. Isiah Says:

    @Candie or Paul

    Have you ever woke up in the morning feeling like you forgot how to do certain things and feel a certain way, even though you know it’s actually possible to forget things you always knew how to do.

    I just feel really spacey and weird today. I just think it’s from the constant focus on something that really doesn’t exist at all or that maybe i’m still exhausted (I sometimes forget how that feels now too)

    Probably due to me not focusing on anything but anxiety. I hope one day i don’t wake up and my mind tells me to think something i’m not even suffering from….

    Watching my son today it’s a little hard, feel like i forgot how to do alot of the things i would know how to just normally do (Hard to describe in words).

  92. lorryt Says:

    hi all

    dont know what to say really, feeling crap and still letting it get me down a bit , it upsets me that i still suffer and i geuess im still caught up in it all abit. especially when things arent great generally. hubby came intonite and said he was feelinglow and that just started me off agin, my heart was racing and negative thoughts rush in. i just really want it all to go awaya nd leave me alone today, am not coping and cant just let my head alone. although i am trying to k eep busy feelsl iek i cant strike a balance between busy and rushing around through anxiety ?!.like a cat on a hot tin roof is the only way to describe it. . need to take a step back i guess x

  93. Isiah Says:

    Paul what if the self awareness is affecting your appetite, the way you perceive reality and feeling like you forgot how to live in general? Even though nothing has ever changed? I can’t stop crying and even had some suicidal thinking today (Of course I ignore those thoughts and would never act on them).

    Sorry candie, i know you are trying to help me and have given me so much advice. I just can’t shake thinking about anxiety 24/7 even though i know, i’m probably as normal as any other human being.

    Just can’t shake the thoughts of “How it use to be, to be me” today has been terrible for me. i truly feel like i forgot how it is to just live. I also feel like i don’t know my body like i use to (Very weird thing) my wife suggests i go on zoloft now and thinks meds is the only way out.

    I wish the mind could never do something like this to us. We only have one life to live and life is already short as it is. Paul i wish i found this sight when i first was going through anxiety. I would of been able to defeat this no problem by only suffering from the physical worries vs the mental worries.

  94. Jess H Says:


    I hear you with those suicidal thoughts i used to have these alot, please dont be surpressed by them i promise you your strange feelings will fade, i no it is hard for you to imagine this right now but it will go, you just have to understand what you are going through is a tierd mind needing a rest, you cant possibly be resting your body if you are constantly analizing how you feel. I cannot tell you how better i am compared to 6 months ago and at you stage i never beleived i would get better EVER but hey look at all of us on here and how far everyone has come. Keep your chin up buddy and keep smiling a small quote for u ::::
    ‘someday everything will all make perfect sense. So for now laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason’

    have faith that u will get better, read pauls book and feel encouraged by all the positive posts on here, even the strongest of people feel ruff sometimes. In regards to meds i dont think this is a good step, for some people yes it is but you just have to let your body and mind be, trust me u will soon understand and soon all your symptoms will cause you no fear, iv’e been there and felt these along with many other people on here, so just live in confidence u will feel free again. Trust your body and it will heal its self, let the feelings come dont fight them and carry on with your day, shrug them off with a whatever, yes life is short and is what we make it so smile and no that this condition will fade EVENTUALLY and will make you stronger.
    I hope you have a good day.
    Your buddy, Jess xx

  95. Isiah Says:

    I just seem to can’t convince my mind that I’m in the present and everything is fine. I can’t even describe the feeling, maybe nothing is wrong at all. Jess H thank you for your comment man. It really helped! Today has been very tough for me and i have no idea why.

  96. Jess H Says:

    sometimes we never no why and that is what this is all about, dont go around trying to understand this condition you have it and thats all you need to know, i remeber reading somewhere look at it like this anxiety brings on many sypmtoms but dont go around evaluting each one and trying to figre each one out, put them all under one bracket…. ANXIETY nothing more nothing less. You seem to be worrying over trying to describe how you feel please dont just let it be, i do not know where you live, but go for a walk let the thoughts feelings come let the sun hit your face, put on an ipod and go for a walk, feel the breeze you will feel funny as this is now a habit you have break, thats all it is a habit and they are hard to break, do not rush these things to go as there is no time limit for whaen it will go just trust that it will . i really at one stage couldnt convince myself that it would ever go and i was fine, trust me u dont need to convince yourself to feel or try to push anythinng. Let it be as hard as it is and just go with the flow. Try to take some loong deep breaths and focus on other things, i remember my sister once told me live alongside it and eventually the feelings of strangness unreality analizing everything will subsided and u WILL live a normal life again, this is you for now but not forever.

    How long have u had anxiety for??
    hugs again Jess xx

  97. candie Says:

    Isiah nothing is wrong your just over analysing, iv been there- thought all the same things and i got past it. I remember once thinking ‘im just a person on this earth, an entity, what is my purpose, how do i exist, isnt it weird that i exist, then id watch how people act to eachother, like i was totally watching everything rather then participating in it freely. Its just over analysing and when coupled with a tired mind it can seem super scary… before you try any anti depressents lookin into inositol.. its been mentioned on here before, its better then any anti-depressent iv taken and its just a natural vitamin that does wonders for anxiety. Honestly though your panicking over a thought thats all, your beleiving the content so tricking yourself into feeling weird about it- if i was to analyse a thought about feeling odd not myself etc id end up feeling like it… people with anxiety are just good at analysing so they often end up tricking there minds into fearing false things.

  98. Isiah Says:

    Yea i made the mistake of taking all sorts of psych meds (I stopped them all though). Just trying to fight through it naturally now. Thank you everyone.

  99. Brian Says:

    Hey guys just just wondering if anyone had read my post and could give me a bit advice



  100. lorryt Says:

    i think i have fallen into the trap of overanalyzing again, i am still quite sensitive to stuff i guess and its easy to do it without realising you are going there, harder to stop though !. i certainly doesnt feel like im takign part inl ife happily anyway, just taking part. all the feeling has gone out of everything. one step forward and two back i reckon. trying not to let my head run away with me and investigate thoughts too deeply either, it just goes from one worry to another . what will be will be easier said than doen though !. sorry to go on, but these last six months have been very challenging , not only with the anxiety but in also dealing with life, things just dont seem to be getting any easierxx

  101. candie Says:

    Hi Brian i had this yea, its like u feel compelled to think something to get it right isnt it… its just an obsessive thought, when ya start thinking ‘did i see a silver car’ tell yourself your too tired to figure out if u did and not going to find out. Alls that as happened is your anxiety has convinced your brain these questions are important, there not though- so just dismiss them as anxiety questions and not to be answered.

  102. scott Says:


    This is where I am currently too. Personally, I had loads of physical symptoms early on and while they were “no fun” they did not pull me in to the anxiety vice-grip like the mental symptoms specifically the attention on oneself and being hyperaware of silly/ strange thoughts.

    Candie, your posts prove to be very helpful time after time. Like Brian mine tend to be all thought -related and truly feel this is last hurdle. A fear of mine is that this hyperawareness, monitoring for thoughts is result of something stuck in our brain or a problem of some sort that causes fearful thoughts, am i jjust not taking ownership that am doing it to myself? Just have a hard time getting in the present moment too much of time if that makes any sense.

    Thanks in advance

  103. Brian Says:

    Thank you candie I have been doing this and using the whatever and pretty much laughing at alot of it.

    Did you feel that when your mind starts to quietin down a bit you feel more tired and less wired if you get what I mean? The images and thoughts in my head down seem as severe as they were and come with less impact.

  104. tracey Says:

    I haven’t been on here in quite awhile as I have been doing really well. But this last week old thoughts have been creeping back in and it made me feel scared at first but I realize these silly thoughts are trying to trick me into overthinking again! I think it caught me off gaurd at first because I have been doing so well for months.

  105. rosemary Says:

    I have been getting on with things and have been really really busy of late.
    I am working p/t (have been for a year) attend dance classes, go out on social gatherings etc..I have done this for many months now and cant understand that while I do these things I do enjoy them (even if my thoughts are with me sometimes) but in mornings and during the day I feel as anxious as ever almost like I have lost grip again. As a result of me feeling anxious I find myself getting snappy and sharp and nasty with my husband and family members. I do feel sick alot of the time which makes eating a little difficult at times but I just dont pressure myself to eat if im not hungry,I know during the day I will at some stage have an appitite and eat normallly.I did have a huge hang up about eating. I know its about progress and not recovery but I just need someone to tell me this is normal. If I could feel in the day the way I feel in the eve it would be fantastic. As I said, I have been working for a year and every monday morn I still feel anxious and a bit numb about going to work even though nothing at work has changed and I work with a lovely group of people and enjoy myself most of the time I am there. Even if I do feel weird I just get on with it. Just need a bit of a pick me up please. I think my problem is that part of me believes in recovery and part of me thinks “here we go again” every morning when I wake feeling crappy.” Will I ever get over this” The problems and long term stress that got me here are long gone, I do not worry about those issues any more .Please can someone give me positive thoughts to see me through this blip …Thanks again

  106. Edgar Says:

    Is there a difference between feeling hyperaware and questioning if one exists and dp? Can feeling like one is going to collapse bc things seem to be not real be part of dp?

  107. christina Says:

    Rosemary, you absolutely will get past this. No doubt, it is challenging. I have been tested time and again. I have tasted recovery, thought I was so close. Anxiety can not continue to exist for too long when a person cares less and less about it. I’ve even thought I’d reached the point of not caring because I would carry on with anxiety and not feel down about it. But then I’ve encountered times where it seems to hit me differently, and I retreat back into putting up with it, instead of wholehearted acceptance. An older post from someone, can’t remember who, said anxiety is only really a problem because of the emotions we attach to the sensations and the bothersome thoughts. The negative connections we make perpetuate the feelings. If our nerves are given a break, those connections, become weaker. But just accepting anxiety for a day, week, or even month, does not mean that we won’t be challenged again. Eventually it will all come together! The fact that you are having good periods as the day goes on, shows your nerves are getting some insulation, and your mind, a needed rest.

  108. jess Says:

    you are so normal please believe that. I am doing very well at the minute at dismissing these terrible thoughts that i had, but it doens’t take away the fact that im challenged throughout the day. I still wake up every morning and start checking in, and the thoughts come rolling, but i just get up and although them to be there. I do sometimes think to myself i cannot wait for the morning i wake up and the first thing i think about is ‘ what am i going to have for breakfast? instead of flooding irrational thoughts that are used as bait from anxiety to make me bite. Rosemary i just get up and keep moving and try and live a happy life alongside them. I know that this is just anxiety trying to trick me and therefore i let anxiety know that actually im smarter than it is……lol

    When it comes to food rosemary, you should try and structure your meals. At my worst point i never ate for 2 days straight and my body was not only fighting a mental battle, but a physical battle too. I felt pysically sick and frightened over the thoughts i was having i just couldn’t eat. It tired my body out and i lost my strength to fight back and fell deeper into a pool of anxiety. I also ended up loosing loads of weight, which then started people saying ‘you’ve lost a lot of weight, are you ok? ‘ which then was a constant reminder of how i wasn’t ok. So when i decided that i had enough, i started structuring my meals, even if it was only small portions my body needed fuel to function. Then when people asked god you have lost alot of weight r u ok? i used to say, yeah im great i’ve just been working out. On a funnier note my boyfriend was a bit devastated cause i had lost the majority of my weight from my bust! lol

    Im not saying its an easy path rosemary, but we gotta keep sailing down it and just walking over the rocks that get in our way. I get snappy tooo rosemary especially at the people i love the most, but its only because we are frustrated with tired nerves that have lost a bit of resiliance over time. But these will get better, I am not fully recovered but i know i am gettin there. Although anxiety trys to tell me otherwise sometimes, but i just accept now that this is anxiety. I have nothing to be afraid of, its quite funny what fear will do to you, as now that im seeing small glimpses of who i used to be life and the world seems more beautiful than ever! Hope this helps a little and know that you are never alone!

    Your friend


  109. Eric Eckenrode Says:

    I am really having a lot of trouble. I have had this condition for 15 LONG years, it really truly came out of nowhere, I was starting to go to sleep and then wham, this feeling just came over me, like i just entered a new universe or something, I thought if i went to sleep I would wake up fine, now 15 years later I am still in this hell. Everything I read here tells me it’s anxiety and DP, but some of the thoughts i get, like non-sensical thoughts, they are so random, and it is almost always a feeling of like “oh my god, this is you forever, don’t forget how messed up you are, I can’t shake it and really believe that i am not seeing results because what I have is SEVERE DEPRESSION, where these tools do not apply. I am so unhappy, I can’t enjoy even one moment of my life. I have 2 beautiful daughters, a house, cars, but I can’t be happy, wouldn’t that mean that I am DEPRESSED. These feelings of detachment and thinking “who am I” are so unbelievably scary. Does anyone get scared when the weather is dark or rainy? I don’t mean phyisically scared but mentally, like the world is just so scary. I also have to constantly remind myself what day it is, and what time it is, like sometimes I will feel like i am in a completely different realm, and time and days are just a concept, not just another day like it used to feel. I would really like to know if this is common, or if i am in fact, trying to treat the wrong disease and that is why I am failing and seeing no results.


  110. marc Says:

    paul david, candie, scarlet(or anybody that has recovered or on their way to recovery),

    hey guys,
    just a bit stuck at the moment, i dont know if im on my way to recovery, or if im still in my high anxiety state. for example, the disturbing/irrational thoughts have pretty much gone. all that i have now that is really getting to me is D.P and D.R with this high sense of unreality! i know paul says in his book that D.P comes from constent worrying/stress, but i feel like i myself am not worrying or stressing about anything, so i think that i must be worrying/stressing subconciously, like i would wake up and go about my day but the feelings of unreality are always there, and im trying to accept it, but with these feelings of unreality can come so many questions that pop into my mind from nowhere! like-”is this real?” ”does this exist?” ”is this situation that im in now really happening?” like philisophical questions as such, and from these questions comes this absolute horrid feeling like my mind is crumbling, like everything and everyone around me isnt real, a feeling like i cant take this anymore/i cant cope!!! and panic can come from this aswell! even as im typing this out now, im feeling completly spaced and unreal and a bit shakey. and i think subconciously as well that anxiety is telling me that there is no hope, that recovery is impossible, and the mad thing is that the reality questions would even come in then throwing their bit in-”is having hope/ no hope real?does it exist?” ”is thinking that recovery is impossible real? does it exist?” and this just makes me feel SO much worse(spaced/unreal)!!! i know what the problem is, im far too in depth with my thoughts and its driving me bonkers!
    I think im just having a really bad day, i dunno! the past few days havent been so bad, still hard, but not as bad, im sure that some of you could see from the above posts giving advice and reassuring people etc… but today has just been an absolute horror! like today i woke up and wasnt feeling the best, per usual, and started thinking about my mum( shes been going through bad anxiety for quite a while and shes in the stage where she doesnt want to do aything besides stay home in bed, even getting dressed is an effort for her, and everything is pretty much terrifying for her), and started to think-”god will i ever get to that stage where i just dont want to know, or do anything? just staying in the house all day not getting up until the afternoon and not living my life?” and i guess subconciously as well im worrying about her wondering will she ever get better or is that it?is this her? because to be honest, i think the situation with my mum is really what kicked this phase of anxiety off(iv had a couple of phases before). and of course my anxiety tricks me into believing that i will, and sure enough who comes knockin at the door??? only anxietys best buddy in the world-PANIC! while at the same time feeling totally and utterly spaced and not with it! and no! it just doesnt stop there! of course the reality questions have to come along and play their part as well!-”is this situation im in where im going through anxiety plus my mother going through anxiety real? does it exist?” ”am i real? do i exist?” ”is life real/does it exist?” and sure enough the feelings of unreality only get stronger, bashing my mind, making me feel like my mind is going, therefore the panic gets stronger as well!
    now this is kind of where im stuck in a rut, because i dunno if this is recovery taking place or whether im still in a high anxiety state, because like i said iv had a few days that havent been too bad and im not letting the way i think/feel get in the way of my day, im still going to work, going out with friends, not avoiding situations/conversations, plus im not fighting my feelings/thoughts, they still scare the living crap out of me as you can see from the above! but im not fighting them, i suppose im just having a hard time trying to accept them. like i remember paul says in his book that on the path to recovery it can be an up and down affair, that some days we can feel rubbish, then fine, then rubbish, then ok, then boom! one of the worst days weve ever had! so im kinda just wondering could this be the stage im going through.

    so i suppose the answer im looking for is, has anybody else ever gone through these kind of obsessive thoughts/ feelings???and can these obsessive philisophical thoughts about reality and life spawn from D.P/D.R??? and reading from the above am i on my way to nearly being recovered? i know recovery comes to you and not the other way around and whether it be weeks/months/years whatever it will eventually come, but from my situation does it seem like im nearly there or still the high anxiety state???? thanks guys, sorry for rambling but i just gotta get it out! and i suppose thats another question as well, has anbody ever felt that their feelings/thoughts are so difficult and complex that you can hardly describe them/ put them into words as such? like im reading what iv wrote above and its still like i have that feeling that somethings missing, that i havent properly let everything out! is this just a common feeling with anxiety? because i still always feel like this even after iv tried to explain how im feeling! thanks guys and any advice or suggestions would be REALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLY helpful! :) anxiety-what a pisser eh?!?!? 😛

    ps, finished the book paul and its fantastic really helpful! one of my friends from the gym is lending me one of clair weakes’s books tomorrow and cant wait to give that a read!

  111. jess Says:

    I totally know what you are going through, just accept it and donot panic about it. You are giving it waaaaayyyyy to much attention, i am on the road to recovery and i know that. I do not question it or freak out( well im trying not to lol) at the strange thoughts i have, or strange feelings.

    I get what you are coming from though for example i was outside today and i saw a bird and i couldn’t remember the name of it, then i walked past it, and i thought did i just see that bird? is that why i can’t remember the name of it? soon i started getting the rush of unreality and i started to feel a lil anxious at this point i said “Oi Jessica it was a ugly bird anyway who cares if i saw it or not! lol” make fun of these strange feelings. Take away their respect and their meaning and you take away the fear.

    This is just anxiety trying to hold on to you marc,let the fear come. Let all the strange thoughts and feelings be there. They might make you feel yucky, but they will go when you are feeling better and back to your old self. I soooo get what you mean about trying to put feelings into words etc but you know what we don’t have to marc, just let them be there, the only explanation you need to give them is this is just anxiety trying to trip you up. I know in time my body will repair itself, the body is a wonderful thing let it do it’s job stop fighting it!

    your friend


  112. rosemary Says:

    Hey Jess and Christina, thanks so much for the reply. I just find myself gettting frustrated that I have been doing all the right things for a while now and I am still suffering.What I do have to remember is that it is no way near as powerful as it used to be just always leaves me feeling on edge. I used to climb the walls stressed and anxious and worried and sick,not knowing which way to turn. Yes your right my nerves and mind are getting breaks from constant study of myself and worry so that is good. So I know I am on the right track I just have to learn to live with the uncomfortable feelings and thats so hard sometimes.It does help to know I am not alone in my suffering. I also get glimpses of my old self on a daily basis and I agree when that happens the world seems like the nicest place and everything is peaceful and easy…lets have more of that please xxx (I know, I cant rush it)
    Note to ERIC….I know I am suffering with anxiety but this can bring really low mood and I am sometimes convinced that I have depression,perhaps I do in a mild way but what I am saying is that anxiety is the biggest mind tricker you will ever come across, it will convince u of all sorts. Just keep going and keep your chin up. Read Pauls book, just to know I wasnt going mad was an amazing stress relief for me. We are all in this together and we WILL all get there.Time is the healer… Hope you all have a great day

  113. Diana Says:

    Hi guys….

    Wayne, so happy to hear you are doing well. :)

    Going back to what Paul said in his post, the thoughts we sometimes get caught up in during recovery are still the old habits kicking in. It’s almost all about habits. When we are tired and worn out – and are anxious – our mind goes to places that have nothing to do with reality. The tired mind will pull you further and further down if you have not understood what the root of the anxiety is. The root is not something you find out through years of therapy (trust me). The root is a habit of allowing your thoughts to spiral to the worst of all possible outcomes in a given situation. The root is a habit. Once you know this, you can start addressing it. But as Paul points out so well in this post, you don’t just break a habit of spiraling yourself into hell in one day or by repeating mantras. You literally must live with the anxiety, side by side, while not giving it any of your concentration or thought time.

    It takes discipline to break a habit of this magnitude.
    It takes time.
    It takes will and desire.
    It takes the acute, clear understanding that what you are feeling has nothing to do with reality and the fortitude to do something about it.

    It will come. It does come. You will spend sometime repeating the mantras, no doubt. It might take that to get you through the early stages and keep you from staying in bed all day or locked up in your house.

    Allow yourself to feel the exhaustion. YOU ARE EXHAUSTED!
    Allow yourself to realize your mind is tired.
    If you are tired and fatigued, REST.
    Accept yourself as you are.
    Be kind to yourself.
    Don’t let weird thoughts scare you too much.
    Focus outside of yourself. Do the housecleaning, decluttering, ironing. Sometimes a decluttered environment can really help you feel less anxious.

    One thing after the other, and soon you will be thinking differently. It might take a month or a year. It’s worth it. It’s having your life back.

  114. Diana Says:

    Rosemary, just a note about food. Your blood sugar levels will and can effect your mood so I suggest that when you are not hungry, make yourself a smoothie out of fresh fruit, plain yogurt, honey and organic apple juice. Add some protein powder to the mix if you like. This will give your body some fuel to go on in the morning and at appropriate meal times. Many of us have suffered through the lack of appetite and I think it’s really important to remember that the lack of appetite signal is a result of too much adrenaline, not the fact that our bodies do not need food. So, please, try that if you are not hungry to stay nutritionally balanced.

  115. marc Says:

    hi guys,

    i know i wrote pretty much an essay above! 😛 but i suppose all i really want to know is if what im going through at the moment a normal offshoot of anxiety and has anybody experienced it, or is experiencing it at the moment…. basically from my feelings of unreality come a lot of philisophical questions ‘is this real?’ ‘is that real?’ ‘does this exist?’ ‘does that exist?’ ‘is this really happening?’ a good example would even be now as im typing this out-‘is this laptop real/exist?’ ‘is this language im talking real?’ ‘are my surroundings real/really here?’ which just make my feelings of unreality even stronger! or even i would look at a typical day, getting up getting dressed,eating breakfast,going to work etc and my mind would start asking’whats the point of getting dressed if its not real?’ whats the point of eating breakfast if its not real? and so on! but despite how im feeling/thinking i still do go about my day…..and i know paul says in his book to let these thoughts/questions be there and accept them, but even the philisophical questions would kick up then-‘is accepting real?’ ‘how does accepting work if its not real?’ ‘is recovery real?’ and the list goes on!!! i know what the problem is and that my thoughts are too in depth, but i dont fight them,i let them in but they still strengthen the unreality feelings. isnt it amazing how powerful our minds are and in depth we can be with our thoughts! i just wish that this power that i have in my mind would not focus on these philisophical questions which make me feel unreal, but rather on something positive!
    im 22 years of age, so i guess what im really asking, is all this philisophical pondering a phase that young people go through in their life? and the feelings of unreality, i know thats D.P because im bombarding my mind with these thoughts/questions! and if anyone else has or is experiencing this, assuring me would help me so much guys!(even if i do question if its real! lol)

  116. marc Says:

    another thing as well, like i said above, i dont know if im on my way to recovery or not, because a lot of the symptoms have gone-disturbing thoughts/images,panic attacks have pretty much gone(i can only feel a slight bit panicky when things feel REALLY unreal), plus im still going about my day and keeping active no matter how i feel. i just hope that these strong feelings of unreality and philisophical questions are the last to go! :)

    ps, thanks jess for the reply, i hope down the line this will just gradually diminish and i can start living my life without the bloody questions! haha

    marc :)

  117. candie Says:

    Marc totally normal for anxiety, infact before i had anxiety now and again id think it and analyse a bit.. like after i watched the matrix i thought it then. I think when it becomes a problem is when its obsessive which is because of anxiety, just smile at the thoughts as they come- change your emotion from one of fear to one of ‘yea whatever’.

  118. Colin Says:

    Hi,ive noticed a couple of posts referring to Saints and the Grand Final.Is this St Helens RL Saints?If so,i too hope we win SL this season especially if its Wigan or Leeds in the final!!

  119. jess Says:

    Hey Marc,
    No probs, listen to what candie has to say everyone even without anxiety questions the meaning of life. Its the fact that you are obsessing over it, is causing the anxiety. It really is the same concept for everything. Like the thoughts that i have, people without anxiety all have disturbing thoughts but it only becomes a problem when you try and work them out and analyse them. I wish i could go back to that first pang when the thought hit me, and know what i know now. I could have saved myself a few months of hell. But i shouldn’t look at it like that, in the past few months i have learned so much on how to handle my anxiety which i believe i have had for many years but only became a problem when i started to have these horrible thoughts after watching a terrible movie about child abuse.

    What i am having trouble with now is understanding how do you get back to normal after experiencing this? does it gradually just come with confidence and belief in yourself? I feel i am nearly there, im just about to cross that line of recovery but have felt like the same for a couple of weeks. Do i just carry on the wayi have been going? If anyone can share there experience of this step it would be really appreciated.



    P.s. Rosemary and marc and everyone really keep smiling. Remember we are smarter than anxiety don’t let it beat u. You hold the key to its power.

  120. Andrew Says:

    Hi All

    After 3 very difficult and trying years I finally feel as though i’m getting the hang of this!! Have been working with Pauls methods from the turn of the year and at last feel as though its all finally “clicked”!!

    Re the blog I think the issue as Paul writes is not necessarily the mantras but every time you think/feel/experience something anxiety related its the automatic response you have to it such as ” i’ve had a wierd though” then the response “thats the adrenaline” and so on and so on. All that does is keep on reinforcing that there is a problem and that its a major one so paying anxiety loads of respect. Instead the thing should be ” ive had a wierd thought” END OF STORY! No analysis necessary.

    I suppose at 1st we get comfort from the fact that we have a weird thought and we use the response “thats the adrenaline” because we have the info that is what causes it which is fine to have that knowledge. It only becomes an issue when every unpleasant though/feeling/action is met with a “comfort response”. I suppose at 1st we need this to give that initial support that we are not going insane/mad/going to be locked up. But by our very nature we then use this to counteract everything unpleasant we experience. Only then have I realised that its gone to the next level and its now reinforcing that you have anxiety and doesnt allow us to move on and allow it to fade into the background.

    I have over the last few weeks slowley realised why i’ve been “holding on” to my anxiety for so long (inadvertantly of course) by this very process, the trick is to feel/think EVERYTHING but dont enter that 2nd process of analysing it either saying a mantra or trying to figure out where the hell that thought came from and why and what will make it go away ect ect ect. Put down the battering ram, let it all in and experience it all without question, only then will things lose their importance to you and we can all move on.

    I have so many symptoms still from the physical (sweaty shakey hands, churning stomach, floaters, trembling, pins + needles, dizzy, DP) Mental (Odd/ obsessive/fearfull/death type thoughts) still a lack of enjoyment of things I used to love(walking, going to football matches, going for a pint) 24 hour focus on myself and almost permanent discussion going on in my head about mental health problems anxiety/depression/bipolar ect.

    But do you know what I just dont care!! I’m at work today I’ve plenty to do im not running away from anything, whatever comes in to my mind can do, whatever I feel go ahead I aint going to work it out, just allow the feeling to pass through, keep my mind in flow and not spend hours analysing everything unpleasant that come my way. As said before there is no IT doing this to us, we havent been taken over by something we are doing it to OURSELVES. Just step out of the way, give up the analysing get on with our day and allow recovery to come to us!!

    Have a good day


  121. rosemary Says:

    Hello again

    Part of me feels foolish writing again on here but I do feel I need a little encouragement again…
    I know I am moving on so much and doing so much more than ever but I still have this horrible sicky/nervous feeling most of the day. I will carry on my day as normal putting myself in the middle of family gatherings, work etc and still sometimes feel blank, numb and annoyed with myself for not being happy and content. My mind on myself “oh I feel shitty,Oh will this feeling ever go” and so on. Believe me I dont do this all the time as there are times I feel relaxed and content for no apparent reason, it just happens.I guess I just stop focusing on me. I do feel low and worried but I am determined to carry on my life no matter how I feel and when I do I can reap the benifits. It is still the morning that fills me with anxiety and dread. I did go a see a lovely councillor once every 3 weeks or so,more of a chat just to get things off my chest but I feel that I am enforcing my anxiety problem if I have to go and see her so I have decided to write on here instead, infact the fact that we are all in the same boat means that when I get a reply its honest and you really know where im coming from. I know I am moving on towards recovery but please can someone give me a helping hand and a positive reply,thats all I need.
    CANDIE: You mentioned that you have depression and anxiety together think thats what I have and you suggested Inositol.How long did u take it for and how soon did it help you. I am totally against any meds but may consider it as its natural/herbal. Await your reply,many thanks in anticipation. x

  122. rosemary Says:


    Sorry I meant that you HAD not that you have. I know you are recovered. How long did u suffer for and how long have you been recovered? How long did recovery take for you? I know revcovery is different for everyone Im just interested. I feel my recovery is moving forward all the time, just very subtle changes but I am getting there. I think that because I am doing everything again in my life and have been for many months that I expected to be ok by now. I know thats not going to happen but this is when I let myself down and allow anxiety to tell me that even if I am making progress it will never go.I will always have good and bad days and never be completely free of this horrible feeling, I will never feel like the old me again. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks again.

  123. Paul David Says:

    Yes Andrew your correct about not needing the mantras, at first it’s a comfort to now why but then why tend to rely on the mantras to make us feel better and when they don’t we search around in our mind for one that does and we end up bringing the subject to the forefront again and end up battling with ourselves. Acknowledge how you feel but move on with little regard.

  124. candie Says:

    Hi Rosemary- inosotol isnt a med at all- its a natural vitamin that occurs in foods, so dont worry about using meds as its basically like taking an omega 3! I still have mild anxiety as its only the past 8 months iv trually learnt to accept and dismiss my symptoms of anxiety, i have no depression what so ever no though. Inositol deffinately works, my depression was gone long before i started taking it but it takes the edge of the anxiety and gave me a more positive feeling in general. The trick with depression is to see it as just something u created, honestly its all to do with your own thinking and reaction to yourself. Back in the days where i was at my worst, id have a thought like ‘oh i have anxiety whats the point in anything’ then in feel depressed and more depressed and then cry and get more anxious, then maybe have a panic attack and not want to get out of bed. These days if i had that thought id know its just a thought and that i control all my emotions by what i react to basically. I can fully control my mood now by how i react to my thinking. Heres an example of when i fully realised this: Last winter it was dull awful weather day, i felt so miserable and i could feel the feeling comin on where i was starting to panic at feeling miserable- so firstly i dismissed the feeling as ok to feel and cant harm me, secondly i decided it was the weather for a nice cosey winters night in with hot chocolate, a christmas movie and time to cuddle with my son. After half an hour or so i was well into the swing of things and my mood totally changed, i was so festive and excited for christmas and felt great. Can u see what i did there? I first accepted the feeling as ok to feel, i then changed my response to what was makin me miserable and looked upon the situation differantly.

    The best bit of advice i can give anyone is anxiety and depression isnt something that landed upon you unfortunately… you created it- sure stress can produce bizzare symptoms and our automatically reaction is to fear them- but we can learn to lose the fear and they go away

  125. lesley Says:

    always read the posts on here for good advice and info i feel your all so helpful and i always love to hear the positive posts, i bought pauls book few months ago after finding this site and it was the best thing ive ever bought, i often still re-read bits when im havin a not so good day just as a sort of kick up the backside really and to put me back on track. i suffered from panic attacks at the age of 14 that was bought on by something really silly but it sort of stuck in my brain and stayed till about 17? i just sort of learnt to cope with them and to be honest they became a bit boring so without realising i was doing it my mind forgot all about them on its own and that was that for ten years untill i had my second daughter…….then it started all again but id gone past the panic attacks and it was just anxiety which to me i just feel it was worse, somethin i just couldnt shake off {what a nuisence} it seemed to be with me 24/7, wasnt to bad to start with i could handle it but over time it was just getting worse though never to the point where ive had awful awful scary thoughts or ive had to avoid places but still it was not very nice, my doctor is lovely but ive only seem him half a dozen times from the age of a bout 18, never wanted meds as im a strong person always have been and i know some side effects can leave you ten times worse and honestly i believe recovery all comes within ourselves, i had councilling back in april which i had to wait for but it did me the world of good, i use to love going for my monthly chats and gossip as this is what it felt like, how mad is that ha ha lookin forward to what i use to call my looney lady but what i think it made me realise is that i just needed another focus other than being worrying mummy and organiser, im now 30 and have suffered from anxiety for 3 years now but…. and thats a big but…. in the last month things are improving slowly i have some very good days and sometimes they can go on for week or bit more which is great, followed maybe by a not so good day but still nothing like what i was before i saw my councillor, i have a very supportive husband and a wonderful family who are always therefor me as anxiety seems to be in my family at some point in there life {there all fine now} but i never new this until i started talkin to my dad in my late teens about things and it was great that i have people to understand, nothing worse than people sort of agreeing with you with the usual “hmmm yes oh yes i understand” when really they havn’t a clue which why i think this site is brilliant even if it is just to get a few things off your chest, what i really wanted to say is that i want to leave a positive post and to say to everyone to just hang on in there and keep with the positive thinkin, try to look on the bright side of everything though i know it is hard sometimes, i try to keep busy with the things i love, my garden, my horse, riding and i enjoy cleaning it really helps my thinking after all this is where this poxy thing comes from to much deep thinking, i know i havn’t really giving to much advice but i just want people to know i NEVER thought id improve and i am slowly so it can be done! hope tomorrow is a another good day or otherwise i’ll be on here reading my own advice ha ha

    lesley xxx

  126. lorryt Says:

    hi all

    I am tying to do my best in helpingmy hubby overcome his depression /anxiety but how can you help someone who wont help themselves?. i see him thinking on a daily basis hes a failure, as lots of things have gone wrong and hes made some bad decisions recently. i said to himnobody has died andnobody is hurt so stop frettingabout stuff you cant change. its really hard and i can see it destroying him and if hes not careful he’ll ruin all we have built up together. i have told himto read pauls bookand he sees me on thewebsite etc so hes fully aware that we can all help. i am keeping patient,but i have only so much patience. hes such a confused and conflicted person at the moment i am trying hard not to let his mood change mine ( as trickcy as it is ). i get so frustrated with it all then i feel crap !it seems like we set each other off. any advice please ??>>>.

  127. mike Says:

    hello everyone,
    yes colin that would be the super saints rlfc who are gonna beat wigan in the grand final this year. i think it was jess also who says she is a saint?
    paul, running still going mate doing the great north run in a couple of weeks.
    andrew, that last post was superb mate and very pleased that you have cracked the anxiety.
    all the best to everybody who are at different stages in recovery.

  128. Ruth Says:

    Hi lorryt

    there are 2 wonderful books by Mathew Johnstone called ‘i had a black dog’ and ‘living with a black dog’. They are based on the phrase that winston Churchhill called his recurrent episodes of depression.they contain cartoon illustrations of the black dog that speak thousands of words explaining the feelings.By the end of the short books they are full of hope.the books are something you can share together to help understand more.

  129. Eric Eckenrode Says:

    I am really having a lot of trouble. I have had this condition for 15 LONG years, it really truly came out of nowhere, I was starting to go to sleep and then wham, this feeling just came over me, like i just entered a new universe or something, I thought if i went to sleep I would wake up fine, now 15 years later I am still in this hell. Everything I read here tells me it’s anxiety and DP, but some of the thoughts i get, like non-sensical thoughts, they are so random, and it is almost always a feeling of like “oh my god, this is you forever, don’t forget how messed up you are, I can’t shake it and really believe that i am not seeing results because what I have is SEVERE DEPRESSION, where these tools do not apply. I am so unhappy, I can’t enjoy even one moment of my life. I have 2 beautiful daughters, a house, cars, but I can’t be happy, wouldn’t that mean that I am DEPRESSED. These feelings of detachment and thinking “who am I” are so unbelievably scary. Does anyone get scared when the weather is dark or rainy? I don’t mean phyisically scared but mentally, like the world is just so scary. I also have to constantly remind myself what day it is, and what time it is, like sometimes I will feel like i am in a completely different realm, and time and days are just a concept, not just another day like it used to feel. I would really like to know if this is common, or if i am in fact, trying to treat the wrong disease and that is why I am failing and seeing no results.


  130. Angela Says:

    Hi!!I have a question, please could someone be so kind and answer…

    To all of you who have recovered: Are you still ‘worriers’?

    I have been doing really well generally, but I still worry so much about life, and it’s getting to the point where I can’t really enoy myself anymore. I seem to be stuck in my head worrying most of the time. The worrying about anxiety stopped ages ago and hardly ever do I even think about it. I thought I was completely back to my old self but I am such a stress head. And I was never like that before I started suffering..So maybe it’s just a set back, which is fine. But my question is, once you have recovered 100% do you not worry anymore…?it would be so nice to live a life without worry.

    thanks for reading


  131. candie Says:

    Angela, gradually i got out of the worrying habit- i rarely worry about anything now- if i can change something i will, if i cant then i dont rumernate about it and float past the thoughts of it. I used to be a really big worrier too, worried about quite trivial things and this is why i got anxiety in the first place- a person who has recovered 100% learns fully to deal with stress and problems in a differant way, this way anxiety can never come back.. have u read richard carlsons book? thats great for learning not to worry. its called stop thinking start living

  132. rosemary Says:

    HI Candie

    I may try the inosotol as i feel that I am so close to recovery but have hit a brick wall somedays. It may just give me the push I need. How long were you taking it before you felt the benifits and how long did you take it for?
    Eric, thinking of you,as I said before anxiety is cruel and tricks your mind into every awful scary thought. Paul david had severe anxiety for 10 years and he has recovered, read his book again to clear things and your thinking. I have days when i feel completely shit and numb.I have a beautiful family and fantastic husband, a big house and I sometimes struggle to be happy and enjoy them. I have everything but feel so empty sometimes (I have to say theis was very painful in the early days but it does get easier with glimpses of the old me) Things will get better but it takes time,bit by bit,little by little. Keep strong xxx

  133. jess Says:

    Hi Angela,
    I think everybody worrys a certain amount. It is when we start worrying about worrying that it becomes a problem. Let the problem be there, and like candie says if you cannot rectify the situ move on. The more you train your brain to do this, you will develop the ‘i don’t care attitude’. It really is about conditioning yourself.

    Im having a pretty good week, thoughts are under control ( still there but being tamed ). Just pacing on swimming through the crap,( letting it be there i mean and not letting it get in the way) i know in time my brain will be able to re-gear into this new attitude. Candie do you think that richard clarson book would be suitable for me? Im just at that stage where ive got the hang of this thing and now i just want to start living again and getting back my confidence and the old me. Would appreciate your suggestion.


    Your friend


    P.s. The saints team i was talking about was an AFL team in austrailia lol Im writing all the way from down under!

  134. Andre Says:

    it looks to me that you desperately try to avoid the negative, unwanted feelings. You fight with yourself to avoid and get rid from these unpleasant feelings. You have to give up the fight and get through the worst possible. There is no chance to be well again if you are constantly monitoring yourself and desperately want to be well again. Recovery will come gradually, and let your mind to rest a second.

  135. angela Says:

    Hi Jess and Candie,

    Thanks for your replies…. I am actually faced with a problem or worry, I sometimes find it hard to distinguish between worrying when I have to and then realising that it is completely consuming my every waking moment. What I then usually realise, sometimes after a day, sometimes after a week and sometimes after even longer is that I cannot come to any realistic conclusions when I am in a negative state of mind. This takes me a while sometimes and other times I know pretty quickly. I just let myself get caught up in it and I can be so irrational sometimes. I don’t think I have recovered fully yet, otherwise I would deal with stress better, but sometimes I can manage and other times I get stuck in my old habbit again. And candie, worrying made me start suffering too…it was months and months of worrying about something I had absolutely no control over. Which is what my worries are usually about to be honest. I don’t really worry about things I can control……….argh!sometimes I just want to know why I am like this and why I can’t just be ‘chilled out’…but anyway, thanks so much for the replies, I just need to keep letting the worries pass me by and not pay them any respect and then they’ll go..like I have done soo many times before…

  136. marc Says:

    jess and candie,

    thanks for the reply guys, i know with this numbness it feels like peoples words mean nothing, but truely deep down inside us they do! it is a tough road to take learning to accept these thoughts/feelings! but i know gradually with time on my side they will subside. its just such a pain especially when i am talking to someone having a conversation feeling this huge weirdness/blankness!!! and sorry for bothering u guys but i just want to ask another question, today when i was in the gym working, i was writing up a program for a member, and as i was talking to him i felt this sensation like my mind was going blank,like i was freaking out, and that i was going to blackout/faint!! is this a normal symptom with anxiety????

    thanks guys for the help! :)


  137. Andre Says:

    Yes marc,
    it’s an absolutely normal symptom for anxiety :) pay as little respect as you can for it and gradually will fade. there will be periods when it will come back, but with same attitude you will go trough this.

  138. candie Says:

    Hi Everyone, il try answer all but in a bit of a rush today.

    RE: inositol.. now i dont want to spark of a big trend here and everyone go buy it and expect it to rid them of there anxiety as it wont… it can however take the edge of anxiety due to the fact it reduces depression significantly. Its not a medication, its a form of B vitamin.. if you look at the research about it then ul see its got really good reviews. The best reviews to look at are the ones of consumers for actual products on amazon, they you wont get false reviews of websites. i could feel the effects of taking it about 2-3 hours after, they dont wear of either providing you take the same dose every day.. me well i take a really small dose, like 1/4 of that recommended for anxiety as its so strong.. once you have been taking it you can keep highing the dose upto about 18mg max. Please read all instructions and make sure its reccomended for you in general though.

    Richard carlsons book helped me to get over my negative thinking which caused my depression, it also helps to dismiss the scary anxiety thoughts. Again this is just an exstension on what we already know, but after reading it you can clearly pin point the begining of a thought and not let it spiral so you just float past it. Before reading it i didnt even know i had negative thoughts, just thought all mine where scary- then i realised i was full of worry all the time! An example would be if i had an argument with someone id be in my head hours later runnin the argument over, imagining would i should of/could of said.. really rumernating it over and making myself more angry… these days the argument stays in the moment, i may ponder for 15 minutes then its over.

    Marc i have done that tons of times, its strange feeling isnt it- just float past it and try your best to stay calm

  139. jess Says:

    Quick note as im at work, like candie and andre say let the feelings float by. Stop adding fear to these feelings just let them be there. Keep in there love.

    Your Friend


  140. Michael G. Says:

    Hello everyone. Just wanted to know if anyone here has experienced elevated blood pressure when getting their pressure taken at the doc’s office? ive always had normal blood pressure (120/70) and today when i went i must admit i felt like i wanted to run out of the office in pure panic but i managed to stay yet when i got my blood pressure taken and i was very scared to see that it was elevated (145/95). i have never had this happen before. can anyone relate? can high anxiety temporarily raise blood pressure? thank you

  141. marc Says:

    andre, candie, jess

    cheers for the reply guys, means alot to me! ah sure ill survive! iv been through this before and i can get through it again!(although this time with all the knowledge iv gained :) ) its just been a tough ole summer with my mum going through her breakdown, and my sister just after having a baby and being frustrated that shes(my mother) not herself, plus with all my mates being away for the summer all iv been doing is home-work-home-work-home-work! pain in the arse cycle! so i suppose its no wonder the way i feel like i do! but fortunately enough iv gained all this knowledge from the site and pauls book! :) plus my mates have arrived home now so im gonna have more time to spend with friends thank god to refresh my mind!……..iv recently got clair weekes book-‘self help for your nerves’ and like pauls book it has put alot into perspective, basically what i have now with my obsessive thinking/analysing causing me to feel extremely fatigued nervously and physically, and which is most likely the last symptom to fade, plus she dwells into alot about ‘floating’ so gonna have to try give it a bash whenever im feelin weird! :)

    thankls again guys and really appreciate the support! :)

  142. Mark R Says:

    @ Marc

    I am a fan of Claire Weekes. Self Help for your Nerves is amazing, even if the terminology is a little dated. The first time I read it, it was like someone talking to me with their arm around my shoulder.

    I also found Essential Help for your Nerves a massive help. You may want to try that. I picked them both up on Ebay dead cheap.

    You will probably see the advice on this site runs parallel with the advice in those books – all about being patient, acceptance etc.

    Another important point thing I picked up from her books is that she thinks nowadays too much time is spent looking for a subconcious cause for anxiety where none exists. She calls the anxiety state ‘sensitization’ due to a build of stress. Paul states in his book that we have anxiety and thats the problem we have to deal with now even though the original stress has passed.

    All excellent stuff, enjoy!!

  143. rosemary Says:

    Hi all

    Just a quick post. I am really feeling that I have moved on so much.I do so many things now without even thinking about them. However I still have a slight numb, empty feeling. Its always my tummy that feels upset. Sometimes I just ignore it but sometimes it upsets me and makes me worry about getting better. I have to add that I NEVER cry, ever.I dont feel sad that way. I also know I am very snappy with people and argumentative and I hate that as that is not how I normally act. I just feel like I cannot get past what feels like the last hurdle. Am I doing something wrong, just need help to let this pass. Many thanks…off to cut the grass and tidy the garden

  144. rosemary Says:

    also to add it feels like i am stuck in this.I get times when I feel fine and then its there again like it wont go completely. Just need re assurance that things will get better.Anyone with recovery stories would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

  145. Michelle M Says:

    Hi everyone! It’s been a while since i was last on here. Just want to say a big thanks to Teresa, Patrick & Sean, for their kind words of support. Since i have last been on here, i have made slight improvements, focusing on other stuff instead of myself 247. The Dp & Dr are still coming & going, but it’s just the constant inward thinking & intrusive thoughts that i still have a hard time with. Some days i can overlook them & just simply say to myself “it’s just anxiety rearing it’s ugly head again”! & other days it’s like i’m completley loosing the plot! Just wanted to know if anybody else gets days where they feel ok, & where it’s just unbearable. Is this a normal process in recovery? It just seems that i take two steps forward & then two steps back again. It’s very frustrating. Thanks again to everyone on here for their support.
    Michelle x

  146. christina Says:

    Michelle, that is completely normal to feel good, great even, for days, and then revert back into reacting strongly again to anxiety. I can totally relate to that as it happened so much and sometimes still does, on my road to recovery. The goal ultimately is to care less and less about how you feel at any given time. The intrusive thoughts will creep in, and that sudden panic urge may “threaten” to pull you in, but really it has no power except that which we afford it.

    I have to believe it requires a lot of time to completely desensitize our nerves. As someone who has experienced periodic high anxiety over many years, losing the fear of that anxious state and all the negative memories associated with it, will take a lot of practice. You are well on your way, don’t worry. I know, worry is something we are really good at! But we are learning different responses to our natural inclinations. We will all be stronger for it. :)

  147. Max G Says:

    Just wondering if anyone has forgotten what it’s like to be “In the present moment 24/7” after suffering anxiety and how do you convince yourself after recovery that everything is normal and you are in the present? I constantly question if being in the present is normal or is thinking all the time normal. How do I defeat this? I have faith in God and pray, but just want to know, has anyone else experienced this feeling?

  148. Eric Eckenrode Says:

    To anyone who can help:

    I don’t really know if I have DP/DR or may be something else. I am so aware of myself, I listen to myself talk, every word that comes out I listen to to see if it sounds like me. I don’t understand how i will ever be able to not think like this. I mean, you have to be able to talk to live in the world, yet i analyze every thing i say, listening to my own voice, hoping it will feel right. sometimes when i talk i just space out and get this incredible feeling of fright. It is so intense and scary. I am also so aware of those closest to me. I feel like a stranger sometimes. I can sometime look at my daughter at wonder the weirdest things like i will never be able to truly connect with her because I am so stuck in my own mind. Things, objects in my vision seem grey and dull, and sometimes sudden movements will seem very scary, like im going schizo, I will listen to other people talk and can’t just listen to them, i’m just so aware of everything going on i can’t just focus and stay in the conversation, i feel like im out of place, even talking to people i have known all my life, they just feel like strangers to me. then i will think ” oh my god what am I ever gonna do….i can’t possibly live like this forever….i can’t function in the most basic everday things.” Then thoughts and visions of the day will just enter my head, and i will think about them, and how they seem so distorted to me, like dreamlike or hazy and it will scare me. Time is so distorted. Before this happened you would know how days just have a feeling to them, like a Friday has a feel, or a monday has a feel to it, but know every day is the same hell, they don’t have a feel to them. I don’t know if it is normal to feel this “distorted” ALL THE TIME. It’ is like i am on a permanent bad drug experience. Any advice would be truly appreciated.


  149. Andrew Says:


    Have just read your post fom yesterday morning and had to smile!! Just like you I would get into the post argument fury and ruminating, I was a world champ at it! it wasnt until I read “stop thinking start living” that I realised how much self inflicted damage i’ve been doing to myself all these years.
    My anxiety issue started after a cancer diagnosis (which is all cleared up) but was left with the anxiety legacy afterwards. I’ve had a busy job for years and 2 small children and a highly strung wife!

    It’s not the intial thought, be it scary/obsessive/upsetting/negative or an argument/disagreement its the secondry process which causes the problem. Instead of having that row or thought or feeling which we have no control over we go into a secondry process, of ruminating. In the case of arguments I would come home from work have several stiff drinks and go to bed lying awake till the early hours playing the row over and over again, thing I should have said/could have said/I should have punched him/he’s useless at his job ect ect. How much damage and pressure have I done to myself over the years I cant imagaine!! and the same goes for home issues argument with the wife and kids which could last for days.

    It was only in the last few months that the penny dropped and i’ve realised its all bad habit but the changes i’ve made even in a short space of time have been massive, i’m a lot happier at work and at home and seriously I cant remember the last time I had a blasing row or got frustrated about anything. Dont get me wrong I still have cross words but I stay in the moment now and let it all go.

    All this adds huge unneccessary pressure/stress on ourselves is it any wonder that we’ve created problems.
    One final point to remember think of it this way, if you are like I was playing out senarios in your head going going round and round about an argument you’ve had, do you think the other person is lying awake at 3 in the morning thinking about you………I DOUBT IT!! Let it go!


  150. Teresa J Says:

    I am interested in trying the inistol can you tell me if you use the powder or the tablets, i can only see the tablets in the uk. I am doing fine and no longer in the place of ‘fighting’ – this has been a slow journey with many bumps along the way but my attitude is changing, really slowly – but it’s changing. i find that each stage sees a long slow acceptance of a new ‘attitude’, then for me something may happen and start me being frightened of a particular sypmtom – often it can just be something that would frighten anybody but my fear is exaggerated( like earlier this year was a dental problem – it would have had most people upset but of course I hooked into it too which matters worse). I am understanding that ‘ruminating’ is the road to hell, lol, and that when you get the fear thought you do not need to open the door and go in the room with it – but equally you do not need to stand the othe side of the door hanging on the handle to make sure the thought does not come out and get you. It is amazing how this slow awareness works – but it does. I am quite a up/down person and i am learning to try aand pace myself as I tend to get stressed by life situations by trying to be the one to control them ‘for everyone’ but this is a learning curve. The advice you have given on here is so important to all who have entered into this bad habit – you,Paul, Scarlett, diana and anyone else who helps others here are really giving so much to people who need to understand this ‘habit’ -thank you. I know how far I have come – others reading this please don’t expect to be well over night it does take time but also DO NOT BELIEVE that voice that says I am the only one who will not get well, you will. DO NOT be hard on yourself, if you’re saying mantras – so be it, safety devices, so be it, whatever it is , so be it – come and seek help, so be it – then when you feel strong enough , drop it and go that step further -I am total agreement with Paul and Candy about not looking for further answers and not to use this place as a daily crutch but also have a reasonable line where you accept that for the time being you may need the support of others. This site is teaching us to stand alone and be able to handle this thing – take as much time as you need to to get there – it cannot be forced or rushed.
    Life and what you want to do in it has to be more important that whatever thought/feeling you are trying to rid yourself of – so try and engage as much as possible, especially if there is something that you really want to do. Take care everyone –

  151. rosemary Says:

    Yes I totally know where you are coming from about each day feeling the same. In one of my earlier posts i wrote that I dont get that “Friday Feeling” anymore.Having said that months later it is getting easier, still not quite fri feeling or saturday morning feelings but Im getting there. Anxiety will make you feel like your going mad or sycho but its just playing tricks on you. You are in the thick of it at the moment but it will get easier,honestly..just believe in yourself. I have good evenings and shit days.Cant explain why, just wound up and nervous through the day and relaxed in the eve. I thought I had some mental problem but I can see that alot of my problems are down to bad habit. I have to get on with my day no matter what… smile and try for a relaxed day

  152. Max G Says:

    I know the feeling as well. I feel like everyday is the same and i no longer get that joy, when my wife comes home from work, and I’m watching the kids all day and just want to rest and have time to myself, chat with my wife or anticipating evening dinner like i use to. I also don’t feel that Saturday morning or Monday vibe anymore either. It’s like time doesn’t matter to me anymore. I’m stuck wondering all day whether I’m suppose to be in the present moment (forgot) or thinking all the time (after being inward for 3 months straight and taking psych meds). Just pray and do the best you can… I’m still searching for answers myself.

  153. jess Says:

    Hey everyone,
    Feeling alot better these days…. brain has had a lil break from inward thinking/obsessive thoughts and now 5 months down the line… im starting to get my confidence back again. I don’t believe there are any answers to this thing, and when we go looking for the answers thats when we get ourselves into a hole, that we are digging deeper and deeper for ourselves thru rumination. I believe now that accepting this for what it is, is the best policy. It strips it of fear and self doubt! Bring it on i say, coz i am not afraid!

    Keep smiling!


  154. candie Says:

    Hi Teresa i use the tablets- the powder is like swallowing talc powder all lumpy in water eww! Im glad your in a much better place, things will improve all the time for you now :)

    Hi Andrew iv only read one book of Richard Carlsons.. i must admit though sometimes i like to rumernate after an argument- me and Scarlet was disgussing this a few days ago. Differance is now im fully aware im doing it and can stop it at any time if it starts making me feel crap!

    RE: the friday feeling- that will all come back in time.. i remember first getting that ‘lazy sunday’ feeling back- was so weird as before everyday was just me mentally stuck in my head then i started to be a bit more outward and normal feelings proceeded. Dont fight to be as you was, it just makes u worse.. lose the fear of how you are for now and the old you will return- a much more confident, relaxed person that in in control of there emotions mind you!

  155. Paul David Says:

    Wise words Jessica. I think most on here now realise that it is not an overnight thing and it’s a gradual attitude change that comes through a different attitude and approach. The problem always occurs because at first we know nothing else but to fight this dreaded thing that has appeared in our life, it is our natural instinct to want to be better, but the harder we chase recovery, the further away it can become. I truly recovered when I stopped chasing feeling better and this will be my next post.

    I can relate to so much of where certain people are at and to see the same person then come so far and come to certain conclusions reminds me so much of myself. I was blinded and basically conned into promises by people who could make me better instantly, I wont even start on some of the useless people that had me parting with my money promising me instant success. I eventually went looking for answers myself and through trial and error found my own way. Again in my day there was hardly any info on the web and at the time I did not own a computer, so I really had to go it alone and live my anxiety life in secret. I am sure so many others are in the same boat now, crying at home because they doon’t understand what is wrong with them, the husband/wife telling them to pull themselves together, they slowly begin to lose their social life and friends, many just not wanting to get out of bed in a morning. A visit to the doctor does little, they scour the yellow pages and find some counseller who just wants to dig into their past and gives them no answers to the way they are feeling. They just fall deeper and deeper into the condition, they can’t talk about it to anyone for fear of people thinking they are crazy, how can others understand when they don’t understand themselves?

    This will be repeated all over the world and was certainly me and all because people don’t have any knowledge of the subject and there is so little help out there. My own doctor tells me it is by far the most common complaint he deals with. It still amazes me that something so common has so little help and support readily available and the reason why so many can have you parting with silly amounts of money for another false dawn.

  156. Mark R Says:

    Just in reply to Paul’s post above. He mentions that counsellors, psychologists etc always dig up your past in order to find answers, which clearly doesn’t help matters.

    Just wondering if anyone has had any decent help from a professional?

  157. Paul David Says:

    A lot of people ask me about this Mark and I will cover it in a future post after the one I am preparing that will be up in the next couple of weeks.

    You will probably get different answers to that, I am in no way going to say all are bad, I finally found someone that knew what they were talking about, but it took a hell of a long time to reach them. But there are far too many ill qualified to help, I can recall 3 that were that bad they made me extrememly angry. One who would not stop talking in aa patronising voice asking about my childhood, no matter how many times I told him nothing was there and it was not relevant. Another asking me to close my eyes and put my hands together and release them slowly and this would restore my energy, the last had me wearing some contraption around my neck and plugging it in to a computer each week whist charging me £80 a session. The reason they survive is because of a lack of information and people rarely get the right help the first time they look for help, be it their doctor or whoever, they come away more bewildered than ever. As I say I will talk more in a future post.

  158. Mark R Says:

    Hi Paul,

    Cheers for the reply.

    Well I went to see my old counsellor which i used for depression who helped me. Unfortunately she seemed clueless with anxiety. Telling me to fight it, get angry with myself and shout at my thoughts. All this was making me worse. When I told her that the above wasn’t working she got angry with me and said I’d lost respect for her type of therapy.

    Ive been there done the lot:

    Hypnosis Regression

    Nothing made me feel any better before and prolonged my illness. (This was 4/5 years ago prior to this setback).

    I decided to do it myself this time round. What has helped me is:

    This site
    Getting on with stuff no matter how bad I feel
    Richard Carlsons books
    Claire Weekes books
    Having a focus (ebay business)
    Time and a hell of a lot of patience.

    I am not recovered yet but going in the right direction. This setback has been just over six months. If I look back at the previous times when I suffered six months in I was in a whole world of trouble so I must be doing something right.

    Your story reminds me so much of myself. I too dabbled with recreational drugs about 10 years ago and have suffered the consequences. The only difference is I havent suffered for 10 years. I have had breaks in between of around 2/3 years where I have been 100% myself, better than ever before. Thats a plus point that is pushing me through this to be honest. I know I can and will feel better.

  159. natalie Says:

    hi paul
    i really hope you can answer my post as i am in a bit of a hole at the moment. I am married with two young (very hyper) boys and my husband and i have not had it easy and still not 100% there but unsure what to do as cannot tell if it is me that is not happy or cos of my anxiety. presently feeling very low and finding it hard to believe i will ever get better .. i know feeling sorry for myself i know it and tell myself off all the time. still keep busy swimming running with the boys and try to be positive but having very sleepless nites which makes it a little harder. At the moment i tend to get like the iron band on my head and my mind feels like it is in overdrive try to do that thing where you just let it run but get exhausted and then feel like crying… is there any advise you can give i know this is the right track you have offered and that you speak from experience and trust what you say.. sorry to everyone on this site for being soo negative i think i just miss the person i was and do not really know who i am any more and also feel bad for my boys .. that they may in some way be effected by this.. please give me that kick in the butt i need to get motivated to get on with my journey xxx thankyou so much for wanting to help others when you so clearly have made your journey through xxx

  160. lesley Says:

    i found councilling really helpful but in a different kind of way, when i first went i was a blubbering wreck just wanting someone to help me, pat me on the back and tell me it was going to be ok. i never had anything in my childhood go on that would of bought my anxiety and panic on and when my councillor asked me what my childhood was like and i gave the reply “perfect” she was a bit taken back. At the end of the day i enjoyed my sessions but i realised all it was is that i got out the house had a good old chin wag and i think this is what made me realise that i just needed to do more things in my life to stimulate my tired bored mind, what a small solution for a big annoying habit. no where near recovered but feel 100 times better than when i first went hooray!!
    lesley x

  161. marc Says:

    candie, or anybody on the road to recovery

    just wondering did you experience this on the road to recovery- i found myself today going back to an old habit, analysing my thoughts and emotions, for instance there this morning i had a small argument with my sister and started analysing straight away-”right im supposed to feel anger here” ”why cant i feel this emotion?” etc, which im sure you probably know leads to this over whelming feeling of strangeness and numbness. which lead me to feeling like this all day(analysing all the situations and conversations i was in and feeling weird/numb)… i think i am on the road to recovery, because some days are better than the other(still weird,but better) plus i get on with things no matter how im feeling, and i accept the fact that it takes a good while till you reach full recovery… i just cant wait for the day until all this bollox is over and i can go out with mates or chill with the family without feelin weird, think for this christmas ill ask santa for a miracle! lol 😛


  162. Max G Says:


    I felt the same way yesterday. Today i was out with my family and the whole time i asked myself “am i really here?” “am i’m in the present period?” when i was walking in the park. Also i constantly wonder when i’m suppose to be tired, when i’m suppose to drink and eat (Even though i know i have an appetite and it’s just eating or doing anything is not focus), when i’m suppose to be angry. Laughing and crying come natural to me without any problems.

  163. candie Says:

    Marc- i did it all the time.. id think right im supposed to be happy here, right im supposed to feel love here.. if you dig to deeply to feel any emotion your disconected from the present moment so feel numb. Theres nothing wrong with you, your just that trapped in your mind you arnt noticing the little things which cue your emotions. Think of it this way, ever watched a tv programme and been that trapped in your mind you cant remember much of it? Well its the same.. you just shut of and dont notice things as your focussed too much on yourself. Id also be really forgetful due to been stuck in my head, just dont go worrying about the symptom its harmless and you caused it- its not something that anxiety randomly threw at you- its something you reacted to and thought deeply about. Choose to learn not to analyse any strange thoughts or feelings

  164. Paul David Says:

    Yes Mark R been there and bought the T-Shirt in the very early days, searching and searching for something or someone to make it all go away and one real help in the end was when I met a woman who just let me talk and just listened on the NHS, she had limited knowledge, but never pretented to know the answers, unlike all the others who made me want to scream, ‘Just please explain what is wrong with me!’. If I felt the person was not explaining anything or I was getting nothing out of it then I would just move on, you know if it feels right or not. I knew after a couple of sessions in most cases it was a waste of time and in the end just settled on figureing things out for myself. I have also found that it is a lot easier for people to follow advice, if it also makes sense to them.

    The first decent book I ever picked up was Claire Weekes, it was not the answer overall for me, but certainly sent me down that route of a different approach, a lot came from myself and not only trial and error, but also what made sense. I had many a eureka moment along the way.

    I do think we can over read about the subject and end with information overload and I did not want to be a slave to self help books and felt it was time to trust myself and just get on with my life.


  165. jess Says:

    I totally get what you mean about getting on with your life. In the past couple of months i have taken myself to hell and back and looking back if i knew what i knew now, it would’ve never spiralled out of control. But the turing point for me was when i decided thats it, im just gonna get on with my life, if my scary thoughts want to follow me they can i don’t mind. But im not going to let them get in my way coz now i have the control. I think after the education i have got fromn this site i realise i am smarter than anxiety and won’t let it trip me up again.

    Now im not saying that im 100% yet. i would say i would be 90% at the mo, my main problem now is looking back and owndering how i got myself into such a situation? and i sort of get angry at myself for putting myself through it. But i know this will pass so im just trying to get on with it…. is this a stage that people go through at the end?

    Marc, i know where you are coming from tooo, just keep moving and pay this little attention. If you think about it, when somebody without anxiety has a bad day and is stressed it is hard for them to just spark up and be happy etc, but they don’t dwell and obsess over this they just let it be there and work through it sub consciously. But because we are soooo overly aware of our feelings we dwell on this, continuing the over analysing and weakening a tired mind. Just let it be, i know it is hard to understand that this is anxiety but it is… nothing else…. just anxiety. Let it do its thing but just pay it no attention, the less attention you pay it the more time you ar giving your brain to repair itself. Remember the body is a wonderful healer it just needs time and space that we have control to go give it. So even though its hard, keep at it. Its a rocky road ahead, but now we aren’t walking on bare feet, we have our hiking boots on…. The old me here i come…. lol

    Your friend


  166. rosemary Says:

    Hi all
    I go ahead with my day now without feeling too much fear, working, socialising etc but I am left with this overwhelming feeling of emptiness/numbness and Im not able to enjoy or look forward to anything. This feeling runs through my body and feels heavy and makes me feel nauseous. I really believe that I now have depression and its awful.I wake in the morning and the feeling is on me as soon as I become aware of the morning. Please could someone give me some advice on this as I know that the real me is screaming to get out.I find that sometimes in a social situation and conversation I get so involved that I dont feel numb or worried i just feel great and like the old me.(then the next day I feel as bad as ever, thats so hard to understand and come to terms with) Its like I am on a rollercoaster up and down every day.Down in the day and content in the evening. I hate trying to book things in advance or plan anything because I now believe that I will still feel this way and therefore cant enjoy anything. God this is so bloody awful, I feel I take two steps forward and three back. I think I will try inositol as Candie suggested but I am worried that if it doesnt help I will be left helpless again. I just feel so lost and helpless. Hope someone can find time to reply to this. Thanks Sorry this seems a bit low but sometimes its just good to write things down and get them out of my system. I have such a heavy heart, just need someone to tell me that they understand. I feel so close to recovery and yet so far. Is this normal???

  167. jess Says:

    Quick message as i am at work but you are very very normal. I felt like that a couple a weeks ago, didn’t want to plan anything as i felt why waste the money going away for the weekend when im going to feel like crap. Well you know what rosemary i did go away and i had a great time….

    A couple of weeks later, and i feel soooo much better. Keep at it, let the numbness be there. I know its yucky, and i feel it too at times especially when im tired but don’t let it beat you rosemary. It doesn’t really sound like depression to me, it sounds to be anxiety because you fear this feeling. Just keep moving your body needs to cognitively get back into the swing of things. Stop giving the numb feeling fear, just live. You are nearly there rosemary keep moving! With the inositol don’t put pressure on yourself that this will make it all go away, if you wana take it, take it with the approach if it helps it helps, and if it doesn’t it doesn’t. I also take a herbal supplement called ashwanghanda suppose to be good for stress etc im not sure if its helped or not but ive been taken it the past few months anyway. You need to stop putting so much pressure on yourself to reach recover. Im at the end of the bridge just about to walk to the other side, and ive been like this for a couple of weeks and at times i do get inpatient…. but again its just time. Just try and let the feelings be there, people without anxiety feel numbness at time to time due to stress etc but they don’t over obsess about it and what happens the body deals with it and lets it past.

    Hope this helps a wee bit

    Your friend


  168. Paul David Says:

    Rosemary Jess gives you some great advice there. I was pretty depressed well into recovery, it was not overly depressed as such, just a flat feeling, where there felt little joy. Trust me this will pass, but you have to let yourself feel it and not care, feel the flatness and DON’T put pressure on yourself to feeel any other way, you can’t rush or force feelings. They will return trust me, in small layers. I wake up everyday now with a smile on my face, just so happy and grateful that I am a new person, but I had to go through some yucky times to get there.

    I will tell you right now that anxiety and all it brings is draining at times, adrenalin depletes energy, both emoitionally and physically, leaving us feeling flat and sometimes a bit emoitionless, but please just wake in the morning and however you feel don’t make an issue of it, that really is the key, you don’t have to always be happy and paint a false smile, just don’t start planning around how you feel, automatically thinking ‘Well what’s the point in going I will feel awful anyway’, have no self pity, just see it as part of the process. What you are doing now is fighting the flatness, letting it get you down, making a big issue out of it wishing it all away, putting more pressure on yourself and hence feeling flater than ever. Just try and have a different attitude, don’t always think the worse, have no self pity and don’t make an issue of it. I say in my book, don’t be depressed because you are depressed, just be o.k with it. One thing that helped me a lot was excercise, walking, swimming, running, it helps to re-energise and burn the excess adrenalin off. On supplements, your choice, I have never gone down this road, but as Jess says, don’t see this as the answer to make it all go away, a new attitude will really help wonders though.


  169. Paul David Says:

    O.k Natalie, I have pulled your post apart to answer your concerns.

    hi paul
    i really hope you can answer my post as i am in a bit of a hole at the moment. I am married with two young (very hyper) boys and my husband and i have not had it easy and still not 100% there but unsure what to do as cannot tell if it is me that is not happy or cos of my anxiety. presently feeling very low and finding it hard to believe i will ever get better ..

    Firstly on the above you have to admit you have anxiety and be o.k with it, don’t treat it like something you have to get rid off. Also you do need an understanding partner and not one that puts you under pressure to get better or pull yourself together. I was lucky in this way and she took a lot of my frustration, but never complained as she knew it was not me, more how I felt. They don’t always have to understand, just believe you and be there if need be.

    We are also always impressed by how we feel at the time and because you feel low you can’t see yourself feeling any better, I was the same, recovery felt a million miles away, that is why I say just be happy with progress, forget the word recovery, just take small steps to the old you, putting no pressure on yourself to feel a certain way. Don’t get into, ‘I must get better for my kids, for my partner’ etc. Don’t get into ‘What if I never get better, maybe I am special and can’t move forward’. Do you know how many first come here with the same attitude, only to post now with such a renewed positiveness? You only have to read through the blog to see how far so many have come. So never be impressed by how you feel today, it has no bearing on the future. Before anxiety came along you would have never belived you could feel this way either.

    I know it cannot be easy with young children as they can take up a lot of your energy when sometimes you just feel like reasting and having a a time out. It is not my place to advise on family life and I know nothing about your situation and that is your business. But sometimes it is hard to understand your emotions and how you feel about certain things, anxiety depletes you emoitonally and can have you questioning your life and how you feel. I just took no notice and questioned nothing, when I got better I could think straight and make decisions again. I can only say wake and be positive about your life, the joy of seeing your children growing up, the reason you married your husband, just try and have a shift in seeing the glass half full instead of half empty, don’t take your up and down emotions too seriously at the minute.

    i know feeling sorry for myself i know it and tell myself off all the time. still keep busy swimming running with the boys and try to be positive but having very sleepless nites which makes it a little harder. At the moment i tend to get like the iron band on my head and my mind feels like it is in overdrive try to do that thing where you just let it run but get exhausted and then feel like crying… is there any advise you can give i know this is the right track you have offered and that you speak from experience and trust what you say..

    If you go swimming and running for you then that’s fine, don’t think ‘I must keep busy’ or ‘I should feeel better after this run’ don’t revolve your life around anxiety and what you should do. Don’t feel the need to paint a false smile, allow yourself to be down, I cried from time to time, it helped pop the cork from the bottle. Being positive is more not being full of self pity, seeing the worst in everything, questioning if you will ever get better, thinking this is it forever. I have always said if you feel down, then it is o.k to feel like this, even a positive person without anxiety will sometimes say ‘I don’t know why i just feel very down today, but it’s o.k’ they know there is nothing wrong with this. What they wont do though is start feeling sorry for themselves, fill themselves with self pity, question if this will be them forever, they just see it as another day. So please don’t feel like you have to be positive 24/7, it is o.k to have a bad day. Just do whatever you would do before you felt this way and expect for the time being not to get as much joy from it and maybe feel a bit more tired and weary, even a little detached. It is fine to feel this way for now, in time there will be a shift, just a little bit more of you coming back, but good or bad, just try and see it as another day.

    sorry to everyone on this site for being soo negative i think i just miss the person i was and do not really know who i am any more and also feel bad for my boys .. that they may in some way be effected by this.. please give me that kick in the butt i need to get motivated to get on with my journey xxx thankyou so much for wanting to help others when you so clearly have made your journey through xxx

    That person is still there, it is just buried underneath symptoms at the moment. Trust me I used to help voluntry in this field before I set this site up and I never helped anyone that was worse than I was at the time. I completely lost who I was, I was that bad I would walk away from conversations, my mind would just be blank, I lost my job, never went out, I just laid in bed trying to figure a way out of this hell. Felling more and more lost each day. I could not sleep, I felt I was going crazy and would sometimes just wonder the streets, just trying to find a bit of normality. To even write that down now seems odd as I am truly back to the old me, a person I thought I would never see again. I was always there, I was just buried under so many symptoms through my own doing. The old me came back little by little, I can honestly remember the day I laughed without forcing it, that showed me a little emotion was coming back, it really is small steps, so don’t try and rush things. We all want to be better tomorrow, but that attitude just holds us back.

    So don’t feel bad for your boys or anyone else around you, don’t waste energy on feeling sorry for yourself or other people, the only thing that matters is you getting better, that will be the greatest gift for everyone close to you. I was pretty selfish and I had to be, I could not waste time or energy on what others thought or how it may affect them, the only thing that mattered to me and the ones that loved me was me getting better and that’s all I concentrated on. But please don’t look back and try and scramble around trying to be who you were before, that person is still there, when anxiety subsides you will see the old you, no doubt, that person is never lost.

    There are no quick answers, just stick with the advice on here, accept you have anxiety and be o.k with that, don’t be too hard on yourself, don’t look back, just look forward now. I don’t know how long you have been around the blog, but stick around until you feel you have really got the right attitude/approach, it is hard to plant that in someone in a few sentences but I hope the above helps in some way.


  170. simon Says:

    Hi all,i just want to know if any of u guys suffered from anxiety do have physical symptoms of anxiety like lightheadeness and which last all day long,palpitations and so on,i try not to push this feelings away and accept it that its just anxiety but as those dizziness is constant its like my mind keep on telling me that something is wrong again,sigh.. i dont know wat to do,have all medical cardiac test done and cardiologist and GP could not find anything wrong there,so they suggestead its anxiety.Such a horrible symptoms to have as dizziness can last 24/7 :(

  171. lorryt Says:

    Hi Rosemary

    i hate to say it but its all part and parcel of the recovery. i went through a stage of feeling like that for a while, but it lifted and i felt normal it was so great felt so alive!, so have faith in the fact that it will come back and life will seem sweeter. it certainly did for me. even if it decides to rear its ugly head again you know you have felt it once and you will too feel it again. its a rocky road but well worth it. Hope this helps a bit hun, we all understand what its like. trying to be positive at the mo , but its not easy as things for me arent improving, but i know it will sort itself out one way or tother !.

    you are doing so well and you know it will all come right.xx

  172. Teresa J Says:

    hope you have gathered from christina and others here that hwat you are feeling is quite normal – it will be an up and down affair. anxiety is a strange thing you can be distracted from it and feel well and then a little chink creeps in and the very nature of our habit is to react to it – I believe it’s our reaction to the ‘blip’ that then creates the problem. some days you ‘ll succesfully see it for being no more that a feeling, dismiss it, get on with your day and it fades – other days it takes over because we become more and more frightened and obsessed with it. I don’t want to frighten you – but progress can be intermittent and slow but it is all progress believe me. We all feel rubbish when we are reacting to it – hence the reason we fall in the trap of trying to find ways of getting rid of it – but as time goes by you react less – you get more good days than bad days – and eventually we become less frightened. You will improve all the time – and eventually life becomes more important than it. I’m at the stage where I can understand that, I get the days where I really think I have cracked it – and other days when I start to ‘ruminate’ but being aware of this rumination is itself progress. There is strong support on this site which will guide you through. you do not need anything apart from the belief that you will get well – and there’s enough people on here recovered to prove that that is what will happen.

  173. Teresa J Says:

    Thanks for your support Candie, it ‘s very much appreciated.

  174. Eric Eckenrode Says:

    To anyone who can help:

    I don’t really know if I have DP/DR or may be something else. I am so aware of myself, I listen to myself talk, every word that comes out I listen to to see if it sounds like me. I don’t understand how i will ever be able to not think like this. I mean, you have to be able to talk to live in the world, yet i analyze every thing i say, listening to my own voice, hoping it will feel right. sometimes when i talk i just space out and get this incredible feeling of fright. It is so intense and scary. I am also so aware of those closest to me. I feel like a stranger sometimes. I can sometime look at my daughter at wonder the weirdest things like i will never be able to truly connect with her because I am so stuck in my own mind. Things, objects in my vision seem grey and dull, and sometimes sudden movements will seem very scary, like im going schizo, I will listen to other people talk and can’t just listen to them, i’m just so aware of everything going on i can’t just focus and stay in the conversation, i feel like im out of place, even talking to people i have known all my life, they just feel like strangers to me. then i will think ” oh my god what am I ever gonna do….i can’t possibly live like this forever….i can’t function in the most basic everday things.” Then thoughts and visions of the day will just enter my head, and i will think about them, and how they seem so distorted to me, like dreamlike or hazy and it will scare me. Time is so distorted. Before this happened you would know how days just have a feeling to them, like a Friday has a feel, or a monday has a feel to it, but know every day is the same hell, they don’t have a feel to them. I don’t know if it is normal to feel this “distorted” ALL THE TIME. It’ is like i am on a permanent bad drug experience. Any advice would be truly appreciated.


  175. jess Says:

    Wow Eric, u need to slow down! This is the exact same post you posted a couple of weeks ago? Was that intentional? Candie, Max G, and rosemary gave some good advice to ur previous post. Have a look….

    You are giving your feelings way to much respect, just try and live with them as ur little baggage of crap for a wile. Ur mind needs a rest.

  176. rosemary Says:

    Jess,Paul David and Lorryt

    Thanks again so much for the replies.I know they all make sense and I understand completely but its so hard to wake up in the morning and give the feelings no thoughts at all. I am now thinking perhaps I have some other problem (i know anxiety does that) but I am thinking that because in the evenings I am content, relaxed and back to myself almost, even forget the horrible feelings everything feels fine, then I wake in the morning stomach churning, panic, anxious,worried,on edge etc…I am worried its something awful like bi polar.I know nothing about bi polar other than its ups and downs, could any of you explain or help.I have been doing so well lately and this is throwing me a bit..This has really upset me this morning. I have always been a positive,go getter with no problem I couldnt deal with so this loss of control is so strange. Thanks again.

  177. Paul David Says:

    Jess,Paul David and Lorryt

    Rosemary says: Thanks again so much for the replies.I know they all make sense and I understand completely but its so hard to wake up in the morning and give the feelings no thoughts at all. I am now thinking perhaps I have some other problem (i know anxiety does that) but I am thinking that because in the evenings I am content, relaxed and back to myself almost, even forget the horrible feelings everything feels fine, then I wake in the morning stomach churning, panic, anxious,worried,on edge etc…I am worried its something awful like bi polar.

    No one is saying ‘Don’t give the feelings any thoughts’ your mind may automatically revert to you and a habit of thinking about you can form. So it’s not about waking and not thinking about you, it is about giving how you feel no respect. But by complaining about how you feel in the morning, the nausea, stomach churning etc then Rosemary you are giving it loads of respect, it will love that, it also has you worrying it maybe something else, again it will love this, it has plenty of worry and fear to feed on, just want anxiety needs to survive. Firstly so many people say they wake up feeling poor, but as evening comes they feel better. I also felt this way, our mind and body is more disorientated when we first wake and we can feel symptoms a little stronger, but it is really that important? Allow yourself to feel this way and yes it can be yucky, but it’s fine and cannot harm you. I used to wake feeling lost, awful, anxious as hell and would start with the ‘Oh god I can’t take this’ ‘What is wrong with me’, ‘I can’t face the day’ then all day worrying about what was wrong with me, going round and round in my mind trying to sort it out, worrying all day, avoiding contact with people and just wanting to get the day over and go to bed when sleep was my only rest.

    Once I educated myself the same person woke up with the same feelings and it was awful still, but I woke with a different attitude. No more self pity, no more questioning, more a give in to it all, this is me so I will just get on with my day, trying to fix it just makes me worse. And in time I had a built in attitude of hardly noticing if I felt yucky or not, most of the time i probably did, but I had stopped caring and it’s when you reach that stop caring that the real progress happens as you no longer feed anxiety with worry and fear and you also give your mind that break it craves my not worrying/try to fix it and self analysing all day.


  178. lorryt Says:

    hi all

    am thinking about buying that book , stop worrying and start living, cant remember who its by ? i think my anxiety has subsided to the level of constant worry right now , which i guess is a huge improvement on things, but can really only see the good when im feeling well.my mind tends to jump from one worry to the next , and at themoment its getting ridiculous, i cant seem to float at all.
    Rosemary , its really tricky at the moment, and dont be fooled into thinking you have something else, im sure we have all thought it from time to time. its because the anxiety can be so persistant it tries us out and we are drawn into th negative way of thinking again. My hubby is struggling with the loss of control thing too. but he will get through it in time, . keep on keeping on hun xxxx

  179. peter Says:

    This is an excellent topic and came just at the right time for me. This is the area I am finding most difficult. I’ve had on the whole an excellent twelve months. I have cracked the most horrendous of thoughts by not paying them the attention that they crave. If someone had told me three years ago I would be free of them I would have laughed in their face. The main problem for me is the self analysis and constant monitoring of my thoughts/mood. Its like hyperawareness of ones being. When I am well its the most miniscule of problems but on a day like today it can become awful. I’ve done it all monitored breathing, blinking, even as Eric desribes my own voice and it drives me nuts.

    There is no doubt in my mind I am much better than I was say 18 months ago but I still have bad days mainly due to this self monitoring which usually results in negative thinking. I am generally ok when I’m busy but its when I have time to think it can be problematic. For me this is my final hurdle and I have faith I can jump it. For those in the depths of despair it does and will get better. Just follow the fantastic advice on here and live your life. Its the hardest thing I’ve ever done but its really worth it.

    Rosemary- I believe one of the reasons for a low mood in the morning is that overnight seratonin levels are reduced, which can lead to low mood. It seems to me you’re totally on the right track..Have faith you’ll get there.

  180. Max G Says:

    Not caring how you feel actually works!!!! For the first time in 6 months, i feel like myself, no mental anxiety. I feel like my old self, it’s weird, but i actually can feel me being me and this “Alive” feeling. Hopefully it will last! Thank you Paul, Candie, Scarlet, Marc and the rest of the crew.

  181. natalie Says:

    thankyou paul for your post and going through each statement.. made me smile and feel like someone really does care. i will try and be more positive.. i think i just low on energy after the 6 weeks summer holidays with the boys.. but back to school today and so will have time to do what i want like shopping and gym and meeting some friends for lunch :) i think my understanding is just forget what you are feeling and just get on with things.. i do like to keep busy though cos if i have too much time on my hands i start to question and then get a real sad feeling in pit of my stomach.. but to be honest before all this i always liked to be busy anyways lol x i am presently signed off work (have been for 6 months) they are keeping my job open which is good but i want to make sure i have the right attitude before i go back any words here guys on how to easy myself back?? but in mean time will make sure i try to enjoy (as best i can) the time off .. thankyou again so much and love your positive post max g ..

  182. rosemary Says:

    Thanks again to all of you foryour wonderful support. Paul David,I understand that I need to just go with it but some days are much harder than others. You say alot of people feel bad in the mornings and better in the evening, and that helps me alot to realise I am just making more of things than I need to. I was due to go out last night to a dance class and the person I normally go with was in a terrible mood, really snappy and nasty. That put me on edge and I thought hey I wont go on my own. Then I thought but I really enjoy it so what the hell Im going.I went on my own and met a couple of people there. Had a good night and was really pleased with myself for doing it. My main thought in the day is “what will I do to keep myself busy today,what if theres nothing to do, what if i start feeling really low and down.I know these are all what if’s but its a habit i am in. I very rarely get enjoyment in the day but will keep on trying.xx

  183. rosemary Says:

    Sorry about the typing errors in my message. In the evenings I feel so relaxed nothing can bother me.I could take on anything without a second thought but day times are just awful I am really trying to take on the “whatever” approach but sometimes its so hard. Sometimes a day feels like and week. Does anyone else find day time more difficult,everything feeling just so blank and a bit scary. Thanks again to you all as you all know it helps to know someone really knows what you feel and mean.

  184. Max G Says:


    Yes daytime seems to be the most difficult. Especially when you first wake up and it takes some time for your body to adjust to your mind. Also it’s worst if your not working and have too much time on your hands (Like me). Just try to keep busy as much as possible and don’t be impressed by the odd feelings and sensations, just let them be there with you. (Try not to fight these feelings, easier said then done) The feeling will eventually fade (But you have to not care for it to happen). Hang in there rosemary, it will get better, then pass one day as quick as the feeling came.

  185. lorryt Says:

    hi all

    I know this is going off subject a bit, but wondered if anyone has any experiance of it at all. My hubby has been on anti depresssnats for years and has recently come off them ( too quicky) to disastrous effects. he has recovered from the majority of the side effects but has other issues to deal with. I remember Candie say about how we react to things , we choose how we respond. At the current moment hubs is REACTING to everything and its a nightmare. i am trying to get him to understand that he chooses his responses and they are not ingrained. i know alot of it is through how you are brought up etc,and personality. but he is constantly stressed and edgy and very short about everything. i am so trying to help him get better but its really hard when you talk to someone and they see talking as pressure?!!!!. i guess ima sking if im right in what i say about reacting. if we react to thoughts , we can choose how we react to a situation?.. sorry to go on x

  186. Jeremy Says:

    Hi all,
    This is the first time I have posted on this website and I just want to thank everyone for their experiences they have shared. The blog along with Pauls book have been a godsend and have been the primary reason that I have been able to start recovering from anxiety. Anxiety had effected both my life at work and outside for about a year and a half. Since reading Pauls book and reading the blog posts have been able to enjoy life with a significant reduction to anxiety. Although I have been having a hard time with Anxiety at work. One of the main symptoms that I have been having is memory loss. When Im outside work it doesnt effect me as much i feel due to the decrease in anxiety. While at work I have a significant amount of forgetfulness and it becomes a snowball effect sending me into DP. I work in a hospital in intensive care so memory lapses is something that I cannot afford to have. I feel as though this is what is keeping me from fully recovering. Does anyone else have this problem with memory?

  187. Max G Says:

    Another setback. Now i feel like i’m always looking at myself. Like my eyes are watching me literally (not like looking at yourself in the mirror. Hard to describe). I can be on the computer, listening to music, walking down the street. I get this feeling all day and my head hurts due to it (not dp though). Still working on not caring. Anybody else go through this?

  188. Paul David Says:

    Max try and keep away from the word setback when you have a symptom. Setbacks are a pretty tough period after feeling great for a long period, they have nothing to do with the ups and downs of how we feel, this is just normal.

    You only feel like you do through a habit of watching and tuning in to how you feel, it makes you hyper aware of yourself and your actions and is totally normal, it weakens and passes in time when we begin to stop caring about us and how we feel. So the best way is to allow the attention to be on you, don’t try not to think about you or push it away, again just get on with your day with it there, it is very, very common and something i and most others went through and is built up, as when we knew little else we were just so concerned by us and how we felt, it is just a habit that passes in time.

  189. rosemary Says:

    Hi Lorryt
    The book is called stop thinking start living and its by Richard Carlson. I bought my copy from waterstones. Have read it once briefly but didnt really take it in. I should read it again but this time I will concentrate. I know your having a hard time at the moment, just do what I do and keep on keeping on. I have been struggling for the last week or so,sometimes things are sooo tough just cant get past it although now I am thinking that its a pain and gets in my way. I am doing all sorts of different things just because I can (if that makes sense) its not going to hold me back. I feel really uncomfortable with my feelings in the day time but I am becoming more interested in things happening around me. I will continue and hope i am on the right track.SMILES

  190. rosemary Says:

    PAUL DAVID….thanks again for taking the time to reply to my earlier post. It really does mean alot as I know from reading your book that you know exactly what I am feeling and that you understand. You said you felt the same as me (bad in the day and relaxed at night) you even said that you couldnt wait for bed time as that was your only proper rest from all of this. Let me say that is exactly me to a tee,thats how I know you understand. I am feeling a little brighter today so I will enjoy it and make the most of it. Maybe get in a small bit of retail therapy. Again thank you, it helps so much to know that you want to help and you definately can help as long as we follow the info you have given us.

  191. natalie Says:

    hi paul and everyone
    hope you all ok xx feel brighter today just tired and a little tense but thats fine. only thing now is i need to stop looking to far ahead.. been thinking lots about work but signed off until 25th oct so just think best leave it there and take it day by day and see how i feel nearer the time. started listening to some relaxation tapes and they help esp before bedtime ( as been having trouble sleeping) x just wanted to have a chat really with everyone do get lonely when on my own (even though been for breakfast and chat with me mate this am) but i get bored easily lol. what does everyone do?? and is anyone from the mansfield area?? paul i meant to ask you how long you been recovered?? i love reading your comments as you can really tell you are in a good place and that gives me hope. i havee been like this for year and half think going on sick from work and major fall out with hubby knocked me back but like you say the past is the past you have to move on from where you are and forget the what ifs and if whats . anyways ofski now as going to pop to see my ma whose going on her jollies this weekend to turkey lucky bugger “) hopefully one day will feel confident enough to go abroad (thats another thing i think these days daft eh) xxx hope you all have an accepting day “) and speak soon x

  192. Diana Says:

    I think thought monitoring is one of the hardest things to get past. I remember when I was in recovery, I would wake up — the first thing that would happen when I opened my eyes would be the thought “how do I feel – oh I feel flat and horrible” and so would go the morning. Flat. Horrible. Really self programmed, as I had made sure of it by checking in.

    At some point I decided just to try to remember that the first two words out of my brain should be “thank you”. Thank you for the day, the sleep hours, the man next to me, the dog. It wasn’t really a mantra, just an effort to ingrain a little gratitude for the things OUTSIDE of myself instead of focusing it all ON myself. It did help lighten the burden of the morning a bit.

    Getting past checking in (which is kind of just a way to reassure ourselves that we are in recovery and that the anxiety has not grabbed us by the throat again) only can really happen after we have started changing our habit of paying too much attention to the anxiety. For me it happened in steps — baby steps– over about 10 months. At first I learned to identify an anxiety thought, and to allow it to be there but to pay it no attention. The worst was when my mind was screaming at me that I should not spend a dime – screaming. But I had to go shopping. So I went shopping, my mind screaming the entire time, my mouth dry, my heart racing, on the verge of tears, and I bought the things on my list, paid for them, drove home. I climbed straight into bed, crying for hours BUT. I did it. I did not let my screaming horrible thoughts stop me from doing what I had to do. I didn’t drop off the face of the earth because I did something that my anxiety ridden mind was telling me would harm me. Nothing happened. I did not go broke, I did not end up homeless, I just bought the things I needed.

    And I got used to doing things that were horribly uncomfortable for me. Afterwards I would treat myself with respect — let myself rest and recover.

    But once I got “comfortable” with this way of paying the anxiety no heed, I wanted more of it, so I kept checking in with myself to see if I was ok. And this started some small setbacks that I had to learn to stop causing.

    Baby steps…

    I have learned so much and come so far. I have very few days that the anxiety hits me. When it does, I acknowledge it and dismiss it and my heart stops racing. End of story. A far cry from being house-bound from fear, which is where I was in May of 2009.

    I still dwell and stew too much after a discussion not to my liking or have imaginary arguments in my head with perceived adversaries but even that is now slowly coming to and end as I just say, AH let it go, this is doing you no good!

    And it’s really because of Paul and Candy and LorryT and Teresa all the rest here that I finally got it. Stay with it, friends. It works if you really want to recover.

  193. Max G Says:

    Paul thanks for your reply today. It’s been a bad morning for me so far though. I walked my son to the park and the whole time i questioned whether i was normal and really present, the whole time walking. I had conversation after conversation in my head.

    I’m also always bored now too and keep trying to find something productive to do throughout the day to keep my mind focused on the present instead of these anxious thoughts that mean nothing. Guess i’m just having a down day as my mood is kinda low as well at the moment.

    I just have to not be impressed with these feelings and thoughts (I find it easier to tell others that lol). I feel like they stay with me from morning to night some days, i question every single thing i do, which gives me pressure pains in my head and crackling sounds in my ear. Anyways thanks for the advice regarding awareness. I’ll just let it be. I should be fine.

  194. lorryt Says:

    hi there

    havin a rough time of late but i am at least not struggling with the anxiety as much. things ar epretty crappy at home right now and once upon a time i would have panicked and got myself in a right tiz about it all. but now i realise its not all me!. my youngest daughter (7) really doesnt see eye to eye with her dad and refuses to do as she is told which adds more pressure into the boiling pot !. my mood is low and my sense of humour deserted me a long time bcak, but suprsingly my anxiety has subsided. maybe what im trying to say is despite things being really bad right now i have come along way in my recovery to not panic when i feel low and not react to the negative thoughts that these situations throw up. i still have trouble letting things go and moving on, i tend to rumernate about stuff and let things stew, as i cant stand confrontation. sorry to go on but i am getting better and thinsga re sinking in soi much more now xxx

  195. Gail Says:

    Hi all,
    Been having a rough week.
    Have a good friend who is an acupuncturist, and she has been insisting I go see her (free, so this is not about money), and she put me on some herbs after several sessions.
    Then, another close friend gave me some advice that it’s the high blood pressure causing this (it’s been an issue, but I’ve been having trouble taking blood pressure medication and some doctors are not sure whether or not the high blood pressure is because of anxiety).
    Then, I’m trying to figure things out with my gynecologist to see if this is hormone related.

    Feeling very overwhelmed and not sure if I’m on the wrong path, if I’m supposed to just accept the anxiety for what it is and deal with that.

    Thanks for any advice.

  196. Mark R Says:

    Hi Gail,

    When you feel anxious its quite easy to blame a lot of things for the reason you feel the way you do. Its how our minds work. It will always look for a reason and then try and back it up.

    Its well worth getting any issues you mentioned above checked out with your GP first though – if it is anxiety then the advice on this website is excellent so do follow it.

    I’ve been in a similar situation really with my stomach – whether anxiety is causing acid in my stomach or the other way round. Its a chicken and egg one, Im on tablets for a month to see if it eases.

  197. christina Says:

    Diana, what a pleasure it is to hear from you again! I am so glad that you are living a much more fearless life. Being brave is not the absence of fear, but doing what we need to in spite of fear. Your recovery demonstrates that.

    I can identify with the smaller setbacks coming along because of a resurgence of self-monitoring. I have fallen prey to this one. Even now, I am having a bit of trouble. Mostly habit and memory, the broken record duo.

    I like the way you introduced gratitude as an anecdote to the first morning monitoring. That is a very positive habit. I think I will begin to do that. :)

    All the best to you!

  198. Max G Says:

    @Paul or Candie

    Question? When you were hyper aware of yourself did you feel like your stomach was churning throughout the day and sometimes feel mini cramps? I noticed my stomach has been churning most of the day just wanted to know if this is normal when your hyper aware of yourself? Other then that, I had a pretty good day and thanks again for the previous advice Paul.


  199. christina Says:

    oops meant to say antidote to the morning monitoring!

  200. Diana Says:

    Ciao, Christina, thank you for your lovely words — I know, the monitoring is a hard, hard habit to break! It is like we have to somehow teach ourselves to not be vigilant. Not easy.

    Max G: Just the form of your question says to me that you are inducing your stomach problems. I can tell you: when you become aware of your anxiety and start recovery, the list of symptoms is LONG: from stomach cramps to crawley sensations to a rubber band around your head sensation to dry mouth to leg cramps to diarrhea to headaches to arm aches — the list is long. Just acknowledge the stomach cramping and churning and move on. It’s there. it will be there as long as you keep being hyper vigilant. When you stop paying attention to your symptoms, they will start to dissipate.

  201. natalie Says:

    hi candie
    have been reading your posts today and can see you had a lot of what i am suffering with a t the moment. yesterday was a good day but i think i overdid it cos last nite was not good and woke this morning feeling aggittated then down. but just trying to get on and let it be. off for a run in a mo and this is because i want to lose some weight and no other reason. i think the sadness gets me more than anything but try to keep thinking positive thoughts x on the job front and really not sure what to do and wondered if you could offer some advise. am scared about going back but know i need to do something as get very bored during the day and also think will help my self esteem. the job is a little stresful and everyone there has known me for 10 years and are good friends and i worry because i am emotionally connected to everyone and if they start to be nice might make me cry and last thing i want to do at work. tried to look for something else but nothing much out there and no interviews offered from my cv. everything just seems up in the area i am feeling detached from my husband at the mo .. but just leave that as is. how do you stop worrying i to am a worrier and the more i try not to the more i do. its like i have a thoguth then an emotional reaction to it.. in fact i would say i have struggling with my emotions more than anxiety at the moment .. although it tends to get worse when i get like this. i really want to feel hope and start living my life again.. have arranged to meet friends sat morning and maybe even going to a local pub sat nite for a drink.. is this too much?? how do you know when you need to take time out ?? x seems we all having a little bit of hard time at the moment and i think weather does not help does it xx

  202. candie Says:

    Hi Natalie- go back to work! It was one of the best things i did going back to work- and one of my best periods of recovery. It will help you not focus on yourself too much- if you wasnt ready you wouldnt be willing to give it a shot :)

    As for your emotions, they are bound to be extreme- mine was for a while too. Just allow yourself to be upset, have low mood and understand its caused by how you are responding to anxiety. The low mood went for me once i stopped feeling sorry for myself, not that your been silly for doing so as we all did at one point. Just try not to have too much self pitty, things do get easier and life will creep back in.

    Hi Max the stomach churning is a classic anxiety symptom, i had it loads and its nothing to worry about.. just allow it to run its course :)

    Hi Diana pleased to see your doing so well, welldone on getting your life back :)

    If anyone else asked me anything sorry if i missed anything i did read quite far back and didnt see any more posts to me

  203. Wayne Says:


    Great post! You have helped me so much. I still have my days but way better than back in Dec of 2009. Thank you so much.

    Thank you as well Candie.

  204. Max G Says:

    @ Candie

    Candie i read one of your posts about being hyper aware of yourself, can you explain to me how you felt when you went through this stage in great detail if possible? To me I have this feeling that everything is completely fine but i get this feeling (almost feels like my sub conscious mind is questioning if i’m really constantly present (normal and outward) and it’s 24/7, which to me, gives me a sense that i’m looking at myself, not in the sense of having dp/dr, i get this feeling like my mind is questioning me being outward without me actually thinking it, just feeling it).

    Does this make any sense Candie? Paul gave me some advice on this feeling. I just want to know if you can describe exactly how you felt at this stage to make sure it really is hyper awareness and is this the same feeling you went through and how long did the feeling last (Days, Months, Years). This will probably be my final question as i have read many helpful posts and bought Paul’s book as well. Overall I had a good day today and thank you all for the help that has been given on this site.


  205. Eric Eckenrode Says:

    Looking for some advice? I do not have any physical symptoms of anxiety other than really bad eye floaters. I am completely locked in my own mind. I have, what seem to me, to be the strangest thoughts about everyday innocuous things. Like i will look at people and will think “why can’t i be like them, so carefree, able to talk freely” then I will immediately think of myself and how i have been in this haze for so long and it’s really a defeated crushing feeling like ‘don’t forget you have this condition” I think of my daughters all the time and wonder what i will ever do for them. I mean in this state i can’t enjoy anything i do, just question everything. then i feel sad and depressed about them, and how i can’t be the dad they deserve. I think that a may have severe depression and the coping tools for anxiety will not work on this no matter how hard I try. I feel i am doomed because i have mental illness, and i’m just going to be like this forever.



  206. Diana Says:

    Please remember, Eric and Max, that anxiety is caused by adrenaline and cortisol pumping thru you as if you have been in real danger, although your not. Your mind has tricked your body, over a long period of time, to believing that it is in danger. When the adrenaline level starts to recede, your mind re-frightens itself into producing more. Over and over – over time. All kinds of things can occur when you are perpetually in the state of emergency. Glassed-over feelings, not-there feelings, self observation, overblown sense of reality, detachment. Eye floaters are very common.

    Eric, that feeling of “why can’t I be like them” is very common, as is the beating yourself over the head for what you won’t be able to give your daughters.

    The reality is, you can feel that way and still choose to be normal in social situations. It’s very hard at first and brings all kinds of feelings of strangeness and oddness. Anxiety does NOT go down without a fight, believe me. It will do everything it can to push you to the ground. But it can only do this if you continue to monitor and be impressed by what you are feeling. When you clearly say, ok, i feel this, oh well, that’s ok, I am going to ignore it and do XYZ instead, you will start to rob the anxiety of its power over you.

    If you do it long enough (it takes strength and discipline at first, like I said, anxiety hates to be drained of its power), it will start to become your NEW habit. Your old habit was scaring yourself continuously into being anxious. Your new habit is to not pay your scary feelings any heed. This starves the anxiety.

    Eric, right now you are spiraling yourself down into a bad place. You are absolutely focused on every feeling coming into your head, questioning why, etc. This is a losing battle. Whenever your brain tells you” don’t forget you have this condition” it is also telling you “be vigilant for danger. Dread the future”. These are just feelings that are lies and have no basis in reality whatsoever.

    View anxiety as a thief who is residing in your body. This thief is taking away your focus from your girls and everything around you and forcing you to only focus on yourself. You can’t deny that the thief is with you right now. So acknowledge him. But don’t pay attention to him. Let him try to make you feel awful. But keep doing what you have to do to survive. Eventually, with time, the thief gets smaller and weaker. But he might get bigger at first trying to get your attention.

    Being locked in your own mind — I suggest putting one foot in front of the other and no matter how exhausting it is ( and I know how exhausting it is, believe me) do something to interact with the outside world. Something that does not involve you. Your daughter’s homework. Making dinner. Mowing the lawn. Playing with the girls. Ironing their clothes. As unimaginable as it might be right now, you are capable of doing those things. It is in doing those things that you take back your life little by little. Let the monster scream at your brain. Don’t be impressed with it. Just do what you have to do.

    I know it sounds weird, but over time, you reclaim your life this way.

  207. candie Says:

    Hi Max

    Basically the hyper awareness robbed me of been present totally. Your that trapped in your own mind you dont take much in, id think about my own reality, be scared by how i was real etc and how i was created. Id be anoyed that i couldnt play with my son without feeling more concerned about how i was thinking. I felt like i was worrying over not been able to connect with the present moment, so of course i constantly thought and obsessed about it which kept me out the present moment! What u have to do is say i give in, im too tired to obsess about this anymore- i dont care if all i can think about is me… but im going to make the effort to do things to make myself happy. Now at first it feels odd, you are still focussing on you- but the more you do thinks like play with your kids, go sit in the sun, go to park, cook, DIY, anything basically that needs to be done or you want to do it- go do it and for the first week just dont obsess about been present. Its hard not to obsess, let the thoughts in that try provoke a reaction but tell yourself its too tiring to get caught up in it- however the scary idea is allowed in as your going to let anxiety do its thing. Never push the initial idea away, but dont go through any obsessions to undo your anxiety and rumernate to fix it

  208. Max G Says:

    @ Candie

    My problem is, I’m not sure whether I’m really present (outward and if it’s normal or not or am i really thinking or actually in the moment). I get this constant feeling like something is just not right and in turn, i can’t enjoy anything I use to like to do. Enjoy playing with my son, watching movies, TV, having good intellectual conversations with friends and family, etc. I also feel like I’m never tired anymore and can’t enjoy my time with my son. I also try to figure out what mood i’m in throughout the day and can’t tell most of the time.

    Candie i appreciate your advice and will run with it. Thank you Paul for your tip as well. I guess the key to this all is to just not care again (It is so hard not to care about something that is all in our head)

    Thank you all,


  209. candie Says:

    Max you care too much about something that would just go away if you didnt place so much emphasis on it… if i was to obsess now about something trivial after a while i can make it seem important etc. Just dont rumernate about things, if you get the thought that you cant tell what mood your in or if your present its not logical or real its just a question your mind produces. Once you start obsessing though you start feeling like its real and try answering this questions.. this in turn tells the anxious mind that its right to be feared when in hindsight its not!

  210. christina Says:

    I’ve felt so close to recovered for a pretty long time, maybe nine or ten months I know I should expect ups and downs and even setbacks ,which I have experienced. So, I guess I am just looking for additional reassurance from those who can relate.
    One of the last symptoms to go is a repetitive intrusive thought that creates this inflexible, somewhat anxious mind-set. It will go away completely, but then return. Obviously it is still bothering me or I wouldn’t mention it. If anyone could chime in about their dealings with this I would so appreciate it!

  211. jess Says:

    I hear ya love, just keep moving and ignoring the intrusive thoughts. I get frustrated at times that mine still pop up but this is all part of recovery. It still pops up to test whether you are going to react or not. Make fun of these thoughts say to yourself… ” awww here we go again anxiety, nice try” and then carry on with your day.

    It takes alot of patience christina, and i can feel where you are coming from as i feel im at the same stage as you, but you need to realise that recovery is a bumpy road. But remember we have a map now to direct us to recovery just keep following it and you will get there soon. Remember it was never the original thought that caused the anxiety we experience it was our emotional reaction to it, and our obessional thinking over it to try and figure it all out when we didn’t need to. We got ourselves into this mess and we can get ourselves out of it. You just need to hold in there tight and keep dismissing these thoughts for what they are absolute rubbish! Hope that helps a wee bit.

    Take care and keep smiling

    Your friend


  212. yolande Says:

    Hi Scarlet, Candie, Diana or anyone

    I need some help here – i am backsliding. These past few days have been difficult – i feel really really low i know that it takes time for these feelings to go away, but now i feel liek i wud never recover fully that i wud always have these low feelings and negtive thougths. if normal ppl have them too, then how am i to differentiate the difference?? how wud i know when i am fully recovered?

    i guess i am stil thinking and yearning for full recover – i have been at the last 5% for 5 mths and someitmes i can see the improvements and sometimes i cant. lately i have taken to checking in on myself once i wake up – i have not dont this for a long time and it depresses me to find myself doing it again. i just cant seem to accept feeling low. how can you accept feeling low when its at the back of your mind allt he time.

    sometimes i look at ppl and envy them for not hving anxiety. i guess i am just feeling really sorry for myself = i have come a long way but lately i feel i am going backwards a bit. i just dont understand why it’s so hard for the low feelings to go. and its so hard to feel or look happy when u are feeling low.

    can anyone of you pls share and help? thank you so much!

  213. yolande Says:

    I also want to share tht weekends are sometimes hard for me as i have too much free time to ruminate. when i am working, altho i sometimes do feel a bit nervy, i can carry on and not think abt the feelings. but once off work, it’s like the body knows tht and it startson you. i do tend to feel low the moment i am abt to leave for the day. its so dumb!!! but that’s the way it is.

    looks like i am experiencing a revival of the lousy morning moods again. sigh.

  214. Michelle M Says:

    Hi everyone. Just want to say thanks to Teresa & Christina, for your kind words of encouragement. I guess i have been feeling sorry for myself lately, & wanting to get better too soon. It’s coming up to a year since having the anxiety & that’s what’s making me feel more anxious. I have been taking advice on just getting on with my day regardless of how i feel, but get days where i feel so low & drained. I have had all if not most of the symptoms of anxiety, which led to me loosing over a stone in weight! within the first month of having anxiety. it has affected the way i feel & look, & has really knocked my confidence. I was at my firends hen night yesterday, & before going, i told myself, “come on Michelle! you’re not going to let how you feel affect your night.” It did a bit, as everyone else was drinking, & eating & i was just on the sideline watching everyone take a relaxed approach in what they were doing, whilst i was thinking, “why can’t i feel like they do?”. this has just made me self pity, as i wasalways the first one with a glass of wine in my hand having a laugh & a giggle. i did however have a good dance, as dancing is what i love. I must say that i have lost my spark! I can see it in my eyes, when i look at myself in the mirror. Sorry if i come across as depressing, but really it’s how i feel. I’ve had 4 hour sleep this morning, as i didn’t get in untill 1 this morning, as i’m usually in bed by ten the latest, as if i don’t it makes the anxiety 10 times worse. Does anyone else have this, where you have to sleep at a certain time? It really has affected theway i socialise, because i can’t be out past a certain time. Again sorry for the negative post. I’m sure in time i will be posting some positive ones, Giving good advice & helping others. One thing that always sticks in my mind, is somthing my mother told me recently, and that was my son, saying that he misses me, He wantshis mum back, as i’ve changed. this has filled me with such sadness, but has me determined to come out the other side. Thanks again everyone, this site is a godsend! x

  215. natalie Says:

    good morning everyone x its a lovely sunny day outside and even though i very tired today i think i wll be taking the boys swimming or to the park today x couldn’t resist coming on here today.. was trying to leave it alone cos i want to do this on my own but then thought i am fighting it so doit and forget about it hope this is the right attitude lol x candie have been looking at your answers and wondered what your story was .. i believe you have young children also and wondered how you coped with the lack of tolerance anxiety seems to give you i keep shouting at my boys and then feel awful .. am trying another tactic where i do time out for me :) then revisit see how it goes. are you fully recovered now or still on your journey but obviously a lot further on. its lovely to speak to others but i also think i need to try and get on without keep referring all the time.. maybe i trying to rush things who knows x anyways hope everyone has a better day xx

  216. candie Says:

    Yolande acceptance isnt about not been bothered about feeling low, its about allowing yourself to feel low- your confusing them both. Allowing yourself to feel a symptom retrains your brain to eventually see its harmless and you will lose focus of it and then you wont be bothered by it. Its a process, you cant just decide right im going to accept and not be anxious today, you have to accept that your going to be anxious today. Hopefully now you can see acceptance doesnt rid you of your symptoms, at least not straight away- it takes a lot of fear, focus and rumernation out of them which has a nock on effect to recovery. The thing i am noticing with you is you have very limited beleifs about yourself- your focusing on negative thoughts and persuming just because your brain thought them there real. I know anxiety makes it very hard to dismiss fear, but you can choose not to focus on them and give your mind a rest. If i was to think im low now and focus on it and chew it over mentally, i would feel extremly depressed after a while. Your thoughts are extremely negative at the moment as an anxiety state usually provokes this, so you have to get used to just smiling at them and having an attitude of ‘whatever’ and saying its fine i just thought that but i arnt going to follow the train of thought and E.g figure out why i feel low etc

  217. Si Says:

    @ Michelle

    Sorry that this post is not encouraging, more to do with understanding how you are feeling. I have exactly the same problem with looking around at other people who seem to be getting on with life (enjoying themselves) and yet I can’t seem too. I too was a little outgoing, quite chilled before I had my breakdown and I do feel that the low mood (depression) and anxiety is caused by just wanting to be that person again.

    As for the sleeping, I too feel the same way. I used to sleep well (not great due to my work), could nod off during the day if I needed too, however I really get more than 5 hours sleep a day now, never go to sleep in the day time now because I cannot relax. If I do happen to sit down and nod off I wake with such a panic feeling (very disturbing). I have just started back on shift work, and working through the night has not been so much of a challenge as I first thought it would be, although I only get 3 or 4 hours sleep a day.

    Although my work is stressful anyway, I find I have a lot of time to sit and THINK!!

    @ Yolande

    I can so relate to your problem with time on your hands and then the thinking starts all over again. Even when I do get busy, I can never seem to get busy enough to take my mind totally off me. Every single day I worry about what I can do to fill in my time, although I have a terrific understanding wife and 3 great kids, it’s like I need to be occupied all the time, but like I said, NOTHING seems to distract me. I can get so anxious and frustrated about trying to find a hobby or something to keep my mind off me. But no matter what I try I am still on me!!!!

    In all fairness I have only come across Paul’s work over the last month, prior to this I have seen therapists (can be helpful), got more self help books than a library (and some of the things they tell you to do makes me laugh now…. OK perhaps not laugh but make me angry that I spent so much time trying the wrong way) I too was the person who drove to work every single morning at 5am saying mantra’s that meant a lot but did nothing. Paul’s book along with Claire Weekes book has opened my eye’s a little, because what they write makes perfect since NOW!

    @ Natalie

    Totally understand you as well regards trying to leave this alone in order to get my “life back”, but yes if I understand what Paul says, like you…. Not coming here and ignoring anxiety is I suppose running away, but also spending too much time here is a crutch. Where do we draw the line?

    I am struggling however to understand how… you go about your day how you want it to be and yet still feel horrible, tired sometimes tearful and yes sometimes I feel I can do this one minute and then the next I feel I can’t and it is literally one minute.

    But…… I want me back and I will but try

    So, deep breath, big smile and plod on :)

  218. Jess h Says:

    Hi all hope everyone is having a wonderful day I have a question for anyone Paul candie anyone really……. Does anyone else experience the questioning of life etc like why do we exsist? Why are we here? It definatly doesn’t scare me as much just wondered if anyone else has experienced this as it often does get me down like I don’t wanna waste my life worrying bout this question. Also does anyone else worry about death sorry to be morbid but at present I have a major fear of death to the point it makes my tummy turn thinking of it. I know u cannot determine anything in life just wanted some advice on how to approach this feeling thank u xxxxxx

  219. candie Says:

    Jess i worried about the meaning of life at one point yes, why and how we exist and felt both fascination and fear at the same time. In the end i said to myself i dont need to answer this question for it to go away- so i stopped analysing it and it went. Same goes for any thought, we dont have to answer them!

  220. Colin Says:

    I have a couple of questions i need help with.Firstly ,can boring job/work bring on anxiety.I have a small business in an indoor market and meet lots of people but the conversation is never really sparkling and doesnt really diverge from the weather;the line im in is also very repetitive.I end up trying to force conversation,i think i start trying to hard and end up stressed or with a headache.And then the daft thing is i end up getting into silly long drawn out conversations with people who normally i wouldnt bother with just to get repeat business and this also causes tension because i know its just a facade’.
    Secondly,one of my symptoms which is usually the precursor to anxious feelings is a tingling in my right foot.It almost goes numb and i almost feel as though im going to limp whilst walking.Anyone else have this one?
    Finally,good luck to the Saints.We can win super league this season!!

  221. christina Says:

    Thanks Jess, I appreciate it!

  222. candie Says:

    Colin the only thing that can cause anxiety is you- its not the situation remember its how you react to it. As for the foot tinglin i did things like this to my self dozens of times, id litrally focus on something minor- obsess and then it would constantly bother me as i was sort of bringin it on myself thinkin about it

  223. rosemary Says:

    Hi all. Just need comments from anyone who can help. Since reading Pauls book at the end of June I gained an understanding of anxiety. It was really helpful. It made sense that I couldnt wait til I felt better to go and do the things I used to do but that i had to go and do those things now to start my recovery. So I have moved on and I go almost anywhere I want to. I have been doing this for the last few months. I do these things and feel anxious and woried that I wont enjoy them. I went to a large social gathering this weekend. I had been worrying about it days before (I dont know why) The beginning of the day I felt sick and anxious. I felt low and thought “why am I doing this and putting myself through this awful trauma” I feel like I am bullying myself and pushing myself. Then I think if I wasnt here I would be at home feeling the same. However as the day went on and the music started I found I had calmed down and was quite relaxed. I was up dancing and even sang on the microphne (something I would have done before anxiety hit me) I came home that evening and felt brilliant. Had a great nights sleep and woke upwith that horrible awful feeling agian as if last night never happened. I felt soooo good the night before why is this happening to me all the time. I go out and do all the things I want to. Things start off shakey then I calm and its all good. I feel just like the old me. I monitor myself a bit thinking Oh yes I feeel sogod but dont get carried away with yourself you know you will feel bad when you wake. Any help???

  224. yolande Says:

    thanks Candie, I will keep at it – learning acceptance.

    Jess, I do question the meaning of life etc – why are we here etc etc. i know this is a question that’s hard to answer so i try not to think too much but it would just pop up- once every while. irritating isnt it. i find it pops up when i am feeling low – no surprises there.

  225. marc Says:

    candie or paul,

    hey guys was just wondering if u could help me out a bit. recently i have been feeling a bit better, but some days i can get this feeling like-‘this is me forever, this strangeness is all i know now and this is me for the rest of my life, i wont be able to feel my feelings normally again’ and from this a huge dawn of fear comes over me. and iv had a couple of phases of anxiety in the past 5 years, first one when i was 17, and even though i did recover from anxiety in the past and felt better, now its like my anxiety is convincing me that throughout those 5 years i havent felt better and that iv felt strange and unreal the whole time,although i know its wrong, it still gets to me…… another question i have guys, is when u were on your way to recovery, did u ever feel this new sensation of strangeness??? in the past couple of days iv been feeling this new sense of ‘unreality’ i suppose u could call it, anybody else ever experience this????

    thanks guys,

  226. Tracey Says:

    Over the weekend I bought the book “You can be happy no matter what” by Richard Carlson. I tried finding the one Candie talks about but didn’t have any luck. But anyway this book is very helpful to coincide with Pauls book/website. You should check it out–I found it very eye opening, especially about our thought processes and moods.

  227. Simon Says:

    @ Tracey

    Have you got a cop of the Claire Weekes book? They are very good and I can’t actually believe that she was teaching this (method) that Paul is teaching us all those years ago and yet up until 2 months ago I did not know exists.

    All though I do find it some what overwhelming when I read the books and comments on hear, I do understand that reading and educating yourself on the subject no matter how your feeling is just another anxious moment to overcome (I do get a bit fearful of reading, but again thats me being anxious to be better )

    My other 12 self help books are buried deep deep in the loft, hopefully one day I will pull them out and laugh at them rather than get frustrated with them.

    Thanks for eveyones support on here

  228. Max G Says:

    @ Candie or Paul?

    I know i’m completely normal and outward i just get this odd strange feeling like every moment that i’m monitoring my mind. Every second. Don’t know how to explain the feeling. It’s almost like now i’m like everybody else again but that i’m still not sure. It’s almost like a constant feeling more then a thought. I have no trouble going anywhere or doing anything. I get no pain just this odd feeling that sticks with me every second of the day that i’m awake. Maybe it’s just me being completely me again. Any advice?

  229. Max G Says:

    @ marc

    Marc does this strangeness feeling, feel like you know your completely fine and yourself again but at the same time your mind is questioning that your your self again? (or more so a feeling, then you ruminate in your head about this every other 5-10 minutes throughout the day?).

    If not can you describe the feeling some more in detail. I think me and you are feeling the same way. Which would bring me some comfort to know i’m not the only one on the planet feeling this weird feeling.

    Also Marc, are you able to laugh when something is really fun and do you find yourself crying often thinking about how you use to be in certain situations?

  230. lorryt Says:


    i seem to have lost the plot recently, probably due to all the stress i was under, and i have returned to the totally numb feeling again. it has been happening alot lately and i have noticed that my heart is racing all the time. i am focusing on the postitive ( as everyone keeps telling me to do but it all seems so bleak to me) . i havent descended into the depths of despair, but the slightest thing anyone does, and its making me all nervy and edgy again. i am not trying to think my way out of it , but more when is it going to go away. i am totally crappy and cant shift the moodof it all. im going round in circles and not making headway.x have managed to get hold of that richard carslon book so that may give me some more hope. need some uplifting xx

  231. candie Says:

    Lorry i think Richards book will be brilliant for you, trust me it will help you nip a lot of the worrying in the bud.. it did me as i used to be just like u now i can stop worrying.

    Max this is perfectly normal, its the feeling of oddness wen most the anxiety is gone and your left with the habit of watching and monitoring yourself still. It goes away all on its own with no effort needed.

    Marc.. what is happening here is your mind is creating negative thoughts- anxiety makes sure of this. It seems to create dozens of untrue or exagerated thoughts as the adrenalin needs to manifest somewhere- what u should be doing with these however when they pop in is saying not going there today! If i had the thought that id never be myself again and doomed to feeling odd id have the attitude of ‘there goes my imagination dreaming up another anxious scenario.. not analysing it’ and id mentally smile at the idea of the thought. Now this ocmes with practice, but mainly you should aim to be able to catch the thought before it spirals.. as in a split second we can rumernate and feel a wave of fear- if you can do what i said and nip the thought in the bud you learn to cut of from it. If you was to have the thought over and over again that you are going to win the lottery would you think it was true just because you thought it? No you would be extremly doubtful and dismiss it.. the thing with anxiety is it likes to gravitate us towards the negatives and makes them seem valid.. they arnt and if you can retrain your brain to dismiss them and not rumernate they wont bother you and you will rarely think them

  232. tracey Says:

    I do have claire weekes book as well, which is also a great book! It was very helpful to me :)

  233. wayne Says:

    Diana or Candie,

    I have been making good strides since December. Lately a family member has been placed on life support which is a complete shock for everyone. While driving to the hospital for the last few days I have been having the feelings of oddness, lightheadedness. I summed up the courage to go into the ICU to visit her and of course nothing happened to me. (I feel selfish feeling this way considering the circumstances) I know I have created this and there is no danger to me. I seemed to have also developed a fear of going over bridges that go over water. I had no problems before with the above situations. I am also flying to Disney with my two girls this week and I am trying to stay in the moment but I find my mind wondering and worrying about the heights and the rides. I feel I am so close to recovery.

    Any suggestions for me? I don’t want to go back to taking the meds, which I stopped taking daily in Feb.

  234. Max G Says:

    @ Candie

    Candie what I described earlier about being normal and completely outward but also questioning every second of the day with this “strange feeling like i just exist”. Could it really be, that i’m just emotionally numb? I don’t have interest in anything more (food, movies, television, etc) and this so called “odd feeling” may really be me feeling numb or flat.

    I’m starting to think thats what this odd feeling really is. If you asked me how i’m feeling right now… I would say i don’t know. Unlike before, i could tell you how i feel from moment to moment and i would usually respond with saying i feel content. Also thank you for all of your help Candie.

    Much appreciated,


  235. candie Says:

    Max- i cant say for sure but i felt a mixture of all of it.. numbness included. Numb is just from focussing on yourself so much you cant focus on the positives in life.. like enjoying a movie or a lazy sunday. Numb isnt a psychological problem its just your focus is all on you your not letting anything else in to feel it at the minute. Dont worry about what it is, it cant harm you :)

    Wayne lighheadedness is fine, its only anxiety- i had it loads and still get the odd pang of it now if im really tired or stressed. As for the fears, when they pop into your head be aware they are anxiety based false threats- nothing bad is happening to you so you wont be bluffed into rumernating over them. If you fear flying go do it, sit with whatever feelings come let them wash over you and be proud when u see they cant harm u- as ultimately if you can do this you will unmask a lot of the fear.

  236. rosemary Says:

    Hello everyone
    I posted on the 13th Septemebr and wondered if anyone had any thoughts or comments for me to help me please.

    Also,I know anxiety cant hurt me but my god it grabs me so hard from time to time in the pit of my stomach. I think as someone said earlier its more like a feeling now as it wont stop me from doing the things I want to do. I do go out and about but always with this strange feeling. A feeling of numbness,like being lost or no enthusiasm for anything and a lack of any emotion. My thoughts on me, checking in on how I am feeling and how I am coping. I wonder if i will ever just wake up and be happy to face the day, to not think about things I do before I do them but just do them with no thought or fear and to feel excitment or joy for them,to look forward to things and the future. It seems like I have a heavy weight on my body. I just cant shake it but Ican feel the real me is just below the surface. I feel I need a little encouragement to move on. I did visit a lovely councilllor for a while on a fortnightly basis but I have not seen her for about 5 weeks as I think the more I acknowledge I have these problems and then feel the need to speak to a councillor the more I convince myself I need help when really I need to do this on my own.I feel I give it more strength and power if i need a councillor. I do find myself thinking ” I have had this awful thing for 3 years will I ever get over this”. My family knew when I had really bad anxiety but I dont think they realise now that I am still struggling with this. I am a great actress. They do not understand so I do not discuss it with them.They all tell me how different I am compared to this time last year and I take this as a positive. Having read other comments on here people talk about this low feeling as the last symptom to go. I know I have changed my thinking and will continue to do the things I want to do. Sometimes I feel great and give my nerves a rest and sometimes I feel wound up and not relaxed. Sorry I have gone on and on but need some help or clear thinking. Thanks, look forward to reading your thoughts.

  237. natalie Says:

    hi guys
    its me again lol x just a quick question but does anyone has issues with anger?? presume anxiety driven like my boys i can loose it so easily esp with the youngest as he throwing tantrums all the time just lately and really testing me.. like a battle of wills but i have to keep telling myself just a phase will grow out of it.. but some days think how will i cope.. i think i am understanding that you just have to go with wat ever you are feeling at a given time and tell yourself it will pass in time. hard some days but feeling sorry for yourself .. telling yourself this is forever.. lifes crap etc .. it seems you are just being cruel to yourself and theres no evidence to sugguest this is true anyways.. on my low days tend to do what i have to then chilll and watch a good film or go for a swim or something that i enjoy.. it helps.. like candie says we were not born like this.. nothing is forever i know this might make you laff but i think about superman and how he was left with no movement and everything was taken from him and yet he was so positive and made a life for himself.. it could have gone the other way.. but he choose his attitude.. so we can choose ours .. and stop feeling sorry for ourselves .. in time we will improve its feeding on our lack of faith in ourselves don’t let it guys xxx

  238. Paul David Says:

    Max says:

    Candie what I described earlier about being normal and completely outward but also questioning every second of the day with this “strange feeling like i just exist”. Could it really be, that i’m just emotionally numb? I don’t have interest in anything more (food, movies, television, etc) and this so called “odd feeling” may really be me feeling numb or flat.

    I’m starting to think thats what this odd feeling really is. If you asked me how i’m feeling right now… I would say i don’t know. Unlike before, I could tell you how i feel from moment to moment and i would usually respond with saying i feel content. Also thank you for all of your help Candie.

    Much appreciated,


    Max what you are describing is so very common and you are just emotionally and mentally drained of feelings at present. This is a sign of a tired mind, one that has begun to question everything every day, look inward, check in, worry about how you are feeling, going over things. This depletes so much mental energy and your mind tires just like your legs would if you never stopped walking. Your mind just needs a rest, a time out, at the moment you are far too concerned with how you are feeling, your new habit needs to no care about feeling flat and numb, allow yourself to feel this way without questioning it all, see it for what it is, a tired mind that is exhausted and just needs a rest. When your legs ache you feel muscle aches, when your mind tires you feel flat and numb. Do a marathon then rest your legs and they will ache for a long while after, but in time they will feel normal again. Tire your mind out and it will feel flat and numb, tend to race, rest it and it will find it’s flexability once again. The same as it did for me, but it took time and a little patience to reach the great flexible mind I have once again, it certainly did not come by me worrying about it and questioning it all, that is what had me sinking deeper and tiring my mind further, losing more and more touch with the outside world and my surroundings. So first trust in what it is, just a tired mind, don’t feel the need to come here and question everything, splitting each symptom up and worrying about them individually, just put them all under the same umbrella and move on with your life, numb or not.


  239. Josh Says:

    I’ve noticed alot of people having trouble with depersonalization recently (and other reality altering perspectives -which is all DP to me, and I’ve felt them all!) and I certainly had my share of it too. I still do sometimes but it doesn’t bother me nearly as bad as it used to. I read books on the subject and have seen doctors on it and everything and they still didn’t make me feel any better. Funnily enough, what actually made me feel okay about it (aside from this site) was a movie I watched called “Numb” in which the main character has anxiety and DP and feels numb and emotionally drained. Of course it being a Mathew Perry movie means that its also a romantic comedy but If you feel alone and need a good chuckle (as we all do) it just might help and plus it describes the problem really well. It’s not a self help book or anything but it might lift your spirits.

  240. Max G Says:

    @ Paul and Candie

    Final question. I would like it if you both can answer this one just to make sure we all are on the same exact page once in for all. You both said you had mental battles with yourself. Is what you mean by, having a mental battle, the thoughts of dread and wanting to run away or escape from a situation for no reason (Which is the physical aspect of anxiety) and fighting off those feelings in your mind? Or like me, did you actually question (Have a thought) or have a feeling that being you (the constant outwardness like we all were before anxiety ever hit any of us)was not right, even though we know it is?

    My mental battle is me questioning being me period. (Me questioning my very reality) even though i know right now i’m completely like everyone else again and this interferes with me every second of the day. That’s my mental battle (me questioning me being me). Ok I’m done for good. Nothing more else I can say at this point and after reading your replies, Candie or Paul I’m deleting my bookmark to this site to give my mind time to focus on other things and hopefully not my self every waking moment of my day.

    Thank you all


  241. Gail Says:

    Mark – Thanks for your response.

    Anyone can help me with this?
    I’m supposed to start on some BP meds, and I’ve been really struggling with fear of taking meds and any side effects. I’ve been thinking about it all day (obsessing about it), and feeling sick. I don’t want to keep changing meds because of side effects if it’s just anxiety causing me to feel badly.

    Any advice? Thanks!

  242. Ruth Says:

    Hi gail

    if you have a good GP and he has recommended BP meds then you really should.majority of people don’t have any side effects and you have to realise that not treating high blood pressure has major life limiting side effects if left untreated.it is perfectly normal to feel the way you do when suffering with anxiety as you tend to lose the ablity to look at an issue in all ways due to your tired mind.Talk your concerns over with the doctor again or practice nurse before you take them.all the best :)

  243. jess Says:

    Hi Candie, Paul,
    Look i know im doing very well, and i am keeping up with acceptance. But near recovery did you have little relapses for a couple of hours some days…. I wouldn’t call it a setback but yday afternoon i had an intrusive thought and there i go a big wave of anxiety and fear which then lead to thinking and thinking and just getting frustrated…. it ruined my afternoon and i decided to go to bed early. Today i am ok, but im angry at myself for reacting to the thought and ruining my evening. Does this happen? Do i just accept this as part of the journey and acknowledge that i feel ok today? It was like anxiety caught me when my gaurd was down…. Anybodys advice on the road to recovery would be great….


    Your friend


  244. peter Says:

    For me self awareness is the big issue. I have been at the end stage of recovery many times and don’t seem to be able to let go. I’m struggling a bit at the moment to be honest. I have dealt with horrible intrusive thoughts but they are no longer a factor, but can’t seem to shake off the last threads of anxiety.

    Paul?candie did you find this??? I’ve been great for about 9 months but have dipped over the last week. I straight away start to relive the bad times rather than the many good times I’ve experienced. Is this common?


  245. jess Says:

    peter i feel i am at this stage toooo, ive being doing so well over the past couple of weeks but over the past two days im starting to feel like im going back instead of forward. My intrusive thoughts have calmed down tooo although i still get them but im just letting them go and trying my very best not to analyse them.

    This might sound funny but i feel like ive got pins and needles in my chest, and i just can’t lift it. I just feel really heavy. Ive been doing sooo well recently i just don’t wana fall again. Im sitting here right now, and im saying to myself so what you feel like crap? but i still find myself trying to solve it why am i feeling like this etc? why is my body doing this to me? but actually i should just say right im having a crap day and move on…. call a friend and have a laugh, or put a good song on and try and living myself up! Actually Peter thats exactly what im going to right this very minute im gona keep moving, gona go have a chat wit a mate at work…. Coz we can’t fall back into the same spiral peter…. Just keep moving. I know its tiring but don’t stop and let things spiral out of control again coz remember you have control….xx

  246. Andre Says:

    Jess, during my recovery (i’m not 100% percent recovered, but very very close), but this isn’t an issue anymore, i felt this way not once, not twice, but many many times, so do not be very concerned. Take this as a part of recovery process. This is a very good sing that your mind is healing, so take the good part of it, and move with your life forward. When your mind is rested you wont be alarmed by intrusive thoughts, you take these thoughts as useless, but you give more importance when you are someway more aware. This is absolute normal, do not ruminate at all, that you didn’t make something right.

  247. jess Says:

    Thanks andre, i really appreciate the reply. I just get really frustrated at myself. But i know i just gotta keep moving and letting the thoughts pass, they just scare me at times when my gaurd is down. I need to trust that i am the person that i was before. That i am a good person, and that these thoughts do not judge the person that i am as they literally scare the shit outa me! lol

    Ill be ok i know i will, i have made so much progress over the past couple of months i know that i just need to keep at it.



  248. natalie Says:

    wow guys
    can i just say to andre jess and peter.. you really do not realise how far you are and how lucky you are to be where you are now. i think as you get better you forget how bad the early days were .. if you did you would not care about these last symptoms.. ghosts i think paul says in his book .. because this really sounds like you at the last stage my friend went through this and now is at the stage of feeling fine but just a little flat. i cannot wait till i am where you are at the moment.. so please do keep moving and realise you conquered so much you can easily conquer this.. xx
    i at the moment am struggling with a racing mind and those intrusive thoughts i think they are automatic now cos even if i don’t think i have a thought i have a reaction to stuff.. any advice for me guys.. i struggle with a very heavy head as soon as i wake up its like my mind starts the race and by now i am so tired and could just go back to bed to sleep.. i am off work and really would like to go back but been 7 months now and i am soooo scared that i will get worse.. even though rational side says it will help my confidence and give me another focus. any ideas for hobbies as well cos i cannot seem to find interest in much other than shopping lol and unless i win the lottery i think thats a no no ..hee heee x
    how do you know you have cracked it guys.. in that you are taking the right attitude?? i think i am but still having bad days.. although monday me and my husband had day together and it was lovely had a laugh but had to have a snooze when i got back lol and felt worse the next day.. can you over do it?? sooo many questions .. i just wish i could really believe that i can overcome this but on low days i kinda think this is it and just get on with it.. want too be more positive the funny think is before this everyone always told me i was the most positive person they knew. x

  249. jess Says:

    natalie, u need to try and get back to work… It will give structure to your day. I at the the beginning didn’t want to go out and be around anyone as i thought that if people knew the thoughts that i was having, they would think i was a horrible person… But then i realised that me not going out, not going to work, avoiding situations was just giving these intrusive thoughts ( which i got after watching a movie on child abuse) lots and lots of meaning. So i said to myself right thats enough, i want my life back.

    So i started going out, i structured my day, and slowly i started gaining a little bitof control again. You can get tired natalie easily as your mind is racing constantly. I also realised that i brought this on myself as i gave this thought lots of meaning if i had of dismmed that original though, my anxiety would never have spiralled out of control. So even though these thoughts where still there i tried to change my reaction to them. I created a classroom of worries, when i got an intrusive thought i invited the thought in i made it come in and take a seat, if i got a really bad one i said to myself in my head you have to come sit at the front of the class, and if i got a really really bad one then i made it come into the classroom and i used to make it write i am just anxiety on the board. This night sound a lil stupid but it really helped me.

    Everyday natalie you are making progress sub consciously, and i thank you for making me realise that you are right i am alot better than i was at the beginning. Although my anxiety trys to trip me up all the time… Its just hard sometimes to have the discipline not to react to these thoughts as they can esaily try and knock you off your feet. I just need tohave patience and acceptance and keep moving.

    I don’t let fear stop me from doing things that i want to do. I read somewhere recently that said feel the fear and do it anyway! This is the approach you have to take. I at the beginning i was petrified to be around kids as my intrusive thoughts were around child abuse, but now i go and play with my brothers and sisters and i don’t panic when i see a child as i know the person i am is the person i was before this began. I just have to trust myself again, as anxiety and the rumenation that follewed was what caused my state of terror!

    I tried to justify something that didn’t need to be justified. There is and was no answer to this situ, so i literally was fighting a worthless battle making things worse for myself. Im not sure what the content of your intrusive thoughts are but you should go back and read the blog on obsessive and scary thoughts that paul wrote and read the posts everybody left. This will really help as it did me, you are not alone. Remember its not the thought that is the problem it is our reaction to it is the problem. Change the reaction and slowly are brain starts to get a break, and miss rational natalie will start making a few guest appearances.

    After writing this i should really listen to my own advice shouldn’t i, but i just find it a bit tricky sometimes….

    Hope that helped a wee bit

    Your friend

  250. jess Says:

    P.s. Just to add….. I also used to use a couch of worries and let them come in take a seat, and i would make them a cup of tea….. to joke around a lil i used to say anxiety to take 2 sugars or 3… lol this used to help tooo… but different things work for different people. I hope my experience helps you natalie… You are not alone and you will be ok…. We all will natalie. This thing just needs to take its course.

  251. marc Says:


    thanks for the reply, really appreciate it! i think more or less its pretty much a strong case of D.P i have at the moment, its like things have gone from being merely stange, to IMMENSELY strange!!!! like yeserday was probably one of the worst or even the worst day iv had yet, i was in work and i lost my balance a little while walking, and even that spiralled into- ”is losing your blance real? did that really happen?” and then i just completly freaked out! i felt weirder than i have ever felt before!!!! and its even small things that can make my mind spiral! like when i was watching a movie last night, there was a scene when everybody was on top of a building and one nearly felt over the top and then my mind started spiralling-”if i was in a near death situation would i be able to feel the fear im supposed to or would i be incapable?” then from that a thought of suicide could come into my head(not wanting to do something stupid but just the thought of it) like-”if i was in the situation where i was going to do something stupid would i be able to care about the mess i was leaving behind” etc and from then on the huge over whelming feeling of oddness and unreality dawns over me and then things can start getting philisophical-”are these thoughts im having real?” ”is the language im speaking real?” etc basically questioning my existence which obv leads to feeling more weird and unreal!!!!!! did you ever experience this candie while you were going through D.P? would be comforting to see that someone has experienced this hell rather than me!(even though i might start questioning if i am able to feel comfort! lol 😛 )

  252. marc Says:

    max G,

    i think what me and you are experiencing is virtually equal! i read above where you said that if someone was to ask you how your feeling right now your response would be-”i dont know” but when you feel particularly strange you know that you are feeling shit! im pretty much the same, when im in a situation where i would usually feel good, like relaxing with friends for example, and one of them asked me how im feeling, id honestly say-i dont know! and thats exactly how i feel, when im feeling really weird and strange i know im feeling shit, but now im at home relaxing infront of the tv where i usually feel fine, my response to how im feeling now would be-‘i havent a clue!’ its like iv forgotten and dont know what good days are like! but saying that i know for sure when i do have good moments! for example there last saturday i was on the train into town and i was listening to my i-pod, and u know that buzz you get when your so into a tune??? well i got it! and it felt pretty damn good! the first bitve normal feeling i got in a long time!
    and what u asked me-‘ are you able to laugh when something is really fun and do you find yourself crying often thinking about how you use to be in certain situations?” i find that i can laugh at certain situations, like if im watching a comedy or something but then my D.P likes to come along and steal the moment with all this bollox-”laughing isnt real” ”these emotions arent real” and then the wave of strangeness comes over me! and sometimes on a very rare occasion i find that i can cry, but not feel sad, i still feel numb but the tears still come, like when i was trying to describe to my boss in work(whos very understanding thank god!) how im feeling, i could feel myself filling up and about to burst into tears! but couldnt feel the sadness! but thats what i have to understand that with D.P we are bound to feel numb in all situations and that it takes time,patience and acceptance for it to eventually fade, because i did go through a long stage of this before 5 years ago after one of my friends died, and by going along with life, living day by day as i did usually, it did fade. but its like my D.P now is trying to convince me that within the past 5 years that i wasnt better and that iv been feeling weird the whole time, which i know is bollox because i did feel better and i wont be tricked!
    just out of interest, how old are u mate??? im 22 and apparently D.P is very common within young people in theyre early-mid 20’s, even young people without anxiety, because when your at that age your also discovering who you are, and your going to have a lot of questions on life,reality and existence etc…

  253. Max G Says:

    @ Marc,

    29. I feel like i constantly think about me being me it’s a weird strange feeling, then other moments, i feel like i just exist (numb). Like i’m a robot but i see everything around me as clear as day. This strangeness feeling is me feeling like i’m watching myself do everything i do (like some invisible eyes, which is more like a feeling then a thought, then a ruminate and feel like this how i will be for the rest of my life)

    It steals my focus and attention away from the present movement and i always get this pit feeling in my stomach due to this. I can tell you for sure i’m 100% like any other human being it’s just like my sub conscious mind is telling and giving me the feeling that i’m not me. I’ve been obsessed with myself (Thoughts and Anxiety over it) for 6 months now.

  254. rosemary Says:

    Hi all,left a couple of posts recently but no one has made any reply. Just feelI need someone to acknowledge my issues. Candie or Paul, any help please.
    Many thanks

  255. rosemary Says:

    Hi all,left a couple of posts recently but no one has made any reply. Just feelI need someone to acknowledge my issues. Sorry for being a pain. Candie or Paul, any help please.
    Many thanks

  256. marc Says:

    candie,paul,jess or anyone really

    can anyone relate to this as well. got this for the first time last night, i was in bed last night and i woke up in a half asleep, half awake state and its like i could see infront of me what i was seeing in my dream(cant remember what it was)… and iv only remembered it now, and iv started crapping myself that im going to start hallucinating!!! i know its ridiculous and that im not going to start seeing things, and i know because i was in that sleepy state is because i was the way i was…. but would be comforting to know if anyone has got this before!

  257. Jess H Says:

    Hi all, I have been reading through the posts and can relate to alot of how you guys are feeling, i have never directly suffered with DP but can relate to that feeling of oddness strange feeling and can definatly relate to not being able to explain how i feel, this was hard for me at the beginning but i remember paul saying put all your feelings whether physical or mental into one umbrella, this really helped me to stop trying to question what each little sympton was!!!! i definatly am at the last stages and can relate to jess max etc……. although i am so much better i am constantly inward thinking and montering myself alot…… especially when i have silly thoughts, my main thing i am struggling with at the moment are scary thoughts of worrying whether i will enjoy life, when these come in i do not assiociate them and think cause i have anxiety i will not enjoy myself but just in general, they really grip also with the likes of why are here, like i look at random people and think do they enjoy life i wonder if they are happy, will i enjoy having children, these really do grip and i am finding this the last intrusive thought to go, i no i am paying it far to much attention but i am struggling to understand why i feel these strange questions and am worried i wont ever get rid of them as they appear so strong.

    I am also struggling with putting all i have learnt into practice and kinda not knowing how to do it, like i start to place the good things i have learnt but then all of a sudden like a light swtich i cant relate and feel flat/ numb again. Does anyone feel this way?? candie thank you for your reply the other day it helped!!!

    smile everyone and thank you for peoples positive comments they help on a bad day,

    Regards, jess H

  258. Andre Says:

    Marc, try to not get engaged into secondary thinking. This secondary thinking in a tired, fatigued mind tend to spiraled out of control.Take the whole story as the anxiety is playing their tricks. I remember when the whole journey with anxiety has begun i was petrified by going into my room, because my anxiety level once increased so much that i thought someone were watching me, and from that moment this story was always in the back of my mind (and at that moment i even didn’t know what is anxiety). So if you realize that the same happening you can think without any emotional factor, you will know that nothing worth a minimal attention.

  259. Diana Says:

    Please remember that an exhausted mind is responsible for a lot of thought distortion. If your mind is extremely tired it will go places and blow even the most tiny thing clear out of proportion. Chuck the scary distortion up to your tired mind and work on getting your mind rested and flexible again. This is the first key to starting to get your thoughts back into perspective.

  260. jess Says:

    Diana good point! My anxiety started at a very stressful time in my life, full-time study as a nurse,placements, exams, assignments, bf in hosp wit meningitis, and an assault then to top it all off.

    Then i watched a movie that frightened the life outa me and there i went down a spiral of irrational thoughts and fear! God the brain is an amazing thing uno, we spend our lives being told how to look after ourselves with diet and exercise etc etc watch your weight, stay away from fatty foods etc etc. But who ever says hey you better start looking after that mind of yours….? Alot of people see health as a physiological subject….

    We all have over- done it! and now is the time to step back and trust in ourselves that if we give our mind a break it will recover. The human body is a wonderful healer. Thanks again Diane it gives me a lil boost when somebody else reminds me that all this is just a tired mind.

    Having a better day than yesterday! Gym in the morn makes such a difference!

    your friend


  261. Davidina Says:

    I would like to thank Theresa J and Rachael for helping me the last time I posted. I have been chipping away at that brick Candie spoke about. I am losing that jolt of adrnalin that I usually had when entering shops and when meeting people. Just feel anxious yet but trying not to think of it. Negative thoughts still bring on panicky feelings . Trying to live in the moment, but feel as if at times I live inside my body,checking in to see how I feel. Candie – I read all your posts and feel that I should know the score by now but it is so hard. I’ve had Paul’s book now for 5 months after suffering for 1 year beforehand. Are there any more tips anyone can give me. Thanks to all you guys out there who make me feel not so alone and recovery is possible.

  262. ross Says:

    hey everyone,

    has anyone had a setback due to getting a flu/cold ????????????????????????

    was getting on so well with recovery until a couple of days ago I felt a head cold coming on and felt so weird as if i wasn’t in my body and i wasn’t controlling my body , i also felt as if i was listening to myself speak . did not like it 1 bit.

    any advice???

  263. jess Says:

    You just need to keep at what you are doing, you have had this for over a year and your negative thoughts have become automatic. Just keep living your life the way you used to davidina and as you said your mind will keep chipping away at that big brick. Ive been going to the gym early in the morning, i just get up and go staright there i do circuit training and i really push myself. Everybody is different but the days that i do this, i feel a little lighter and i have released that extra adrenalin and produced natural endorphins in my body. I really feel the difference between the days i go to gym and the days i don’t. Thats just a wee bit of advice from mee.. Hope that helps! Totally realised now that having discipline not to react to the thoughts helps sooo much, invite the thoughts in davidina… let them know you are not afraid davidina these are just thoughts… pay them no attention and let them float by…

  264. jess Says:

    Quick note to reply to ross, lots of people on this site have come here with this same issue… Your body is just weak at the mo, and because of our focus on our feelings we ver obsesss about how we are feeling as we feel lik crap. When we are well, we just say ” awww yuck i have the flu” and take a cold and flu tavlet and move on…. But when we have bad habits of over analysing we go look into the symptoms obsessively and cause teh mind chatter to start up again.

    With the hearing yourself speak etc if you have the flu it may have affected your sinus’s therefore that is why you can hear yourself speak as your hearing may be affected. Just a normal flu like symptom nothing to be alarmed about…. Just try and get on with your day and shrug it off as just the flu which it is…. don’t let anxiety make it any more than what it is… remember ross you have control! Nip in in the butt and try and get on with your day!

    P.s. with the flu make sure you drink lots of fluids! keep yourself hydrated!


  265. ross Says:

    cheers jess :) just a pain in the bum cos i was gettin so farwith recovery i was really beginning to feel myself .

    just a wee reminder 2 myself its all just anxiety and 2 get on with life.

    thanks again jess great help

  266. lisa Says:

    jess you said im kind of struggling and not knowing how to put it into practise. you dont need to do anything thats the point!! youv read everything,sounds as though your still “trying to fix it” just leave it alone now and the rest comes,you dont need to do anything. i just thought id have a look in n say hi,dont give up,you all can recover,time n the p word is the key :)

  267. ross Says:

    does anyone agree there should be more awareness out there about what prolonged stress can lead to???

    then people wouldnt get themselves in a position where anxiety can happen

  268. ross Says:

    feeling frustrated today :( seems as soon as i get better something comes along and puts me back>

    anyone else feel like they have forgotten how feeling good actually feels?

    and any tips on getting the attention away from me i even analyse every move i make!! blinkin and everythin

  269. Davidina Says:

    Thanks Jess – I have come so far since last year when I could practically do nothing. My stomach churns most of the time and I am so aware of it. I know I have to ignore this symptom and stop getting panicky about it. I am so aware of people knowing I have anxiety and yet my family and close friend think I have come so far and look great. {I lost a stone in weight last year but have put it on again – thankfully. My imagination plays havoc with me but when I invite the thoughts in, it only makes me worse. I have to get positive again and gain confidence, which I had loads of before. This is what hits so hard to come from someone who dealt with everything in my stride to what I am now. I will never give up though. X

  270. lesley Says:

    think its great you asking if anyone has any tips, i find it helpful to read other peoples ideas, my tip would be (as i find this helps me) is almost as soon as i wake in the morning i cant seem to lay there for long, i find i feel ten times better if i just get up and begin my day rather then lay there for a while as it sort of gives my mind to long to start deep thinking if i lay there, xx

  271. rosemary Says:

    Lesley I know you are right about getting up when you wake, I try and lie there winding myself up when really perhaps I should just get up and get on with my day.Mornings are my worst time definately.

  272. Claire Says:

    Hi everyone! I have suffered with anxiety since I was about 7 and I’m now 27. I also mainly have trouble with my thoughts and the things I think and this is what caused me the most problems. I’m on medication and have seen counsellors which seem to help. I had a pretty rough time last year but somehow managed to get through it, although I still get good and bad days I’m coping quite well. I hated the feelings inside of me, like something awful was going to happen, feeling sick, going to the toilet more often than normal, couldn’t sleep, shaking and awful teeth clenching?! I thought I was going to die! But like I say I’m coping and trying to accept it, its hard but we’ll all get there. xx

  273. Matt K Says:

    Hello Everyone, I have been viewing this site off and on for about a year or so and it is very helpful and great to see that people are doing better and getting on with their lives.

    My question to Paul, Scarlett or Candie: I seem to have a lot of fear of how I feel still when I am at work. I dont avoid many things, but seem to white knuckle through them. I know that anxiety is stll fresh on my mind often, but when I am at work it seems to be the most difficult to handle. I think I worry about people seeing that I am anxious or weak. I smoke and have tried to quit several times. I think I use the smoking as a safety behaviour to get me through the day. When I feel the anxiety building, I go smoke. I am not sure how to react to the daily anxiety when I am there, I feel trapped and just want to hide. I am a supervisor as of two years ago, and it has seemed to get worse since that point. I have to interact with people now and I feel like all eyes are on me wondering how I got this position. I guess the question is what should I do when I am at work and feeling the anxiety? How do I break the cycle of worrying about how I feel?

    Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

  274. Davidina Says:

    Hi Lesley – I hate mornings too. They always seem to be the worst. I do ruminate a lot . I will take your tip on board. I already have the washing on, the bed made and now going to have a shower and get myself out there. Thanks lesley. Hi Rosemary, how long have you been suffering. It’s good to hear other people’s comments. It seems to boost me on. X

  275. rosemary Says:

    Hi Davinda

    Have had anxiety for around 3 years. Mornings and daytimes filled with fear but almost all evenings really relaxed and chilled.Sleep really well but wake up and bam its there as big as ever. I have realised today that all I am doing is filling my days with fear and convincing myself that I will always feel like this.( that days are worrying times) If I can relax in the evenings and socialise then I can do it in the day time, it just seems so much more difficult.My main symton is sick churning stomach and feeling on edge. I go to work, dance classes,socialise and cinema so its not stopping me, I just dont always enjoy it but mostly I do. I only found Pauls book and this site at the end of June and its been a major help to me. I believe my recovery started when I read Pauls info. So guess I have been on the road to recovery for about 11 weeks or so. Its really up and down but hey. How about you how long have you had anxiety, your symptons etc… Love to hear from you

  276. Paul David Says:

    Matt K Says:

    September 16th, 2010 at 8:47 pm e

    Hello Everyone, I have been viewing this site off and on for about a year or so and it is very helpful and great to see that people are doing better and getting on with their lives.

    My question to Paul, Scarlett or Candie: I seem to have a lot of fear of how I feel still when I am at work. I dont avoid many things, but seem to white knuckle through them. I know that anxiety is stll fresh on my mind often, but when I am at work it seems to be the most difficult to handle. I think I worry about people seeing that I am anxious or weak. I smoke and have tried to quit several times. I think I use the smoking as a safety behaviour to get me through the day. When I feel the anxiety building, I go smoke. I am not sure how to react to the daily anxiety when I am there, I feel trapped and just want to hide. I am a supervisor as of two years ago, and it has seemed to get worse since that point. I have to interact with people now and I feel like all eyes are on me wondering how I got this position. I guess the question is what should I do when I am at work and feeling the anxiety? How do I break the cycle of worrying about how I feel?

    Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

    Welcome Matt.

    I think you have answered your own question in a way if you read back. The last thing you want to do is white knuckle your way through, this truly is the worst advice I would give anyone, you are basically trying to fight your way through the day, tensing at each turn, trying to hold it bay, ‘I must cope’, ‘I must hold it together’, ‘no one must see or figure out how I am’. Tense, tense, tense and adding tension to tension of course things wont improve with this approach.

    You say it seems to be the most difficult to handle at work and this is because you are setting yourself up to be anxious, to have a bad day, this is where feel you must hold it together, appear normal as you say. This was the same for me and work truly was my battleground.

    How did it change and what do I advise.

    First and foremost you must stop this battle with yourself when you are at work, loosen into how you feel and be fine about it. Admit to yourself that at this particular time you have anxiety, even at work don’t try to deny this by trying to hide how you feel, this again just adds more tension. However you feel from now on you feel, just get on with your day and no more fighting to get through it. Yes you still may feel odd and tense at times, but the very action for once of allowing yourself to feel this way will truly help.

    You say you smoke when you feel anxiety building, again you are saying ‘I must not feel this way, here it comes, I need to run away and surpress it’ so the next time allow it to build and don’t run away for a smoke, allow yourself to feel anything, let it calm like it always does and move on. If you smoke, just smoke when you want one, not as a crutch/safety behaviour.

    The attitude you and everyone else needs to get to is this.

    Say you came home from work and your partner asked how it went and you said ‘Oh it was awful again, I felt anxious as hell for most of the day, I went through 20 cigs, I had to hold it together in a meeting, I am sure everyone noticed, then onto the shop floor, trying to hold it all together, I am so drained and all I wanted to do is come home, I don’t know how much more I can take, when will this end?’

    That above is the approach and attitude that keeps the anxiety cycle going, it has loads of respect, worry and stress to feed on, great to keep in the cycle.

    The right attitude would be the same questioned answered like this, ‘It went o.k, I felt anxious at times, but it’s fine, I expect to feel this way for the time being’ and that’s it. The second answer has no worry, stress, respect to feed it. The cycle now has a chance to break as you are giving your mind and body the rest it needs to repair itself. Nerves can only stay tense and on red alert if they are fed more stress and worry FACT.

    So Matt just promise yourself for 1 month that for once you will let go and allow any feelings in, no tensing or running away,they now have a free reign, no trying to cover up how you feel, no acting to feel normal, no running out for a smoke, just go straight through all feelings, this is what is needed, you are telling your body ‘It’s o.k to feel this way’ instead of the opposite which you have been doing. Don’t though fall into a trap of watching how you are feeling each day, looking for improvements, demanding progress, remember it no longer matters how you feel.

    Then come back and tell me if it was an improvement.


  277. rosemary Says:

    I am confused here. I go through my day much the same as Matt, white knuckle all the way. I act as though all is well with me infront of my family and work mates. I smile and joke but inside I sometimes feel like Im dying. I would hate them to think I STILL had problems with anxiety and that I cant cope, and I feel my husband could not understand either. I have suffered for a few years and because of my superior acting he believes I am mostly ok. If I do say to him” God I have had a horrible day today,I feel really nervous for no reason” he just pushes it away,almost like its being going on for so long now I should be over it. If people see me suffering with my nerves etc I feel I would go backwards and I feel I have made good progress. I think people would treat me differently to. Please help to clear this up. Also made a few posts earlier but no one responded would appreciate your reply when you have a moment. Thanks Paul

  278. amy Says:


    I feel the exact same way you do sweetie :) Kinda frustrating! My husband is such a bubbly, outgoing, laidback person…I find it difficult to talk to him about this, and his family is the same way! They do NOT understand and they also think I just need to “get over it already”! Some days I feel I have made so much progress and others (like yesterday and today) are just bummers and really make me feel down! I have a hard time with acceptance, so I know that’s my main issue. I’ve dealt with this for two years now and before I was a TOTALLY different person…I just want that person back that loved life and was spontaneous and outgoing :( But I know I dwell on that too much!

    Rosemary, good luck to you…it will get better if we can just follow what Paul says here 😉 And, for me, lots of prayer!!

  279. marc Says:

    hey guys,(paul david,scarlett,candie or jess or anybody that reads this!)

    just looking for a bitve help and wondering is anybody feeling the same i do…at the moment i have bad D.P and everything, and i mean absolutly EVERYTHING seems unreal and weird, all i do is just question my existence and everything around me, i even question if the thoughts and D.P are real themselves and are they actually happening, its a no-brainer how knacered my mind is! but it also feels like no matter what anybody says to me, its not going to make me feel better because ill just start questioning are they real, or exist bla bla bla! does anybody else feel or has felt like this before and is there hope????? because it just seems like everything is completly hopeless at the moment! :( plus while feeling all this strangeness and weirdness, its seems like the only thoughts that come into my head are negative ones(and ill even question are they real), for example today i was getting the train back from the gym and i started thinking about my home situation and my anxiety….im 22, my mums 59(she suffers bad with nerves) and my sisters 26 and has a 3 month old son and my dad past away when i was 13, and i started thinking ” what if in the years to come say 10-15 years down the line, if im still the same and if my mum passes away, and my sister has her own life with her son, what if i end up all on my own and noone can help? will i end up doing something stupid?”, this is the kind of crap thats coming into my head!!i know im only 22 and have my whole life ahead of me and nobody knows what lies ahead of them! plus i barely have any positive thoughts! and even if i do get a positive thought it feels like i cant get any comfort from it cause i just start questioning and analysing if its real or not and the over whelming sense of weirdness just dawns over me! ill even question the analyising and questioning!!! its nuts just how in depth our thoughts go!!! and guys do any of you go so in depth with your thoughts that you even start wondering is feeling ”unreal” real???? plus does anybody get questions into their head like if they were in a dangerous situation, say like a near death situation, would you be able to feel that fear your supposed to feel or would you just feel numb and not care. anybody get that???? plus say for the likes of suicide, if you were in a situation where you were going to do something stupid would you be able to feel that fear, plus would you get that feeling of what a mess youll be leaving behind, or would you just feel that numbness and not care and do it….. anybody get questions/thoughts like that that just seem to pop into their head from nowhere?!?!? and when these questions/thoughts pop into my head i get that over whelming feeling of weirdness and unreality, plus mixed up with fear i suppose. its not like i want to do something stupid, its just the thought pops into my head, plus id be aware of what mess id be leaving behind if i did, leaving my friends and family to feel like this! and i wouldnt wish this upon my worst enemy! (now im questioning if i would or not be aware and plus is it real or not!) what a pain in d arse!!! :(

    basically guys im just wondering is there hope for someone like me with all this crap thats running around in my head???? i guess i know deep down inside that there is hope, but of course the reality questions and numbness/weirdness want to take their part there!!!
    also guys im booked in for CBT(cognitive behavioural therapy) for the first time next week on the 27th, i hear it can work wonders for anxiety/D.P , has anybody got cbt before and whats it like???
    thanks guys,
    marc. :)

  280. marc Says:


    thanks for the reply dude! :) what ya say makes alot of sense! have got a good couple of nights sleep since i woke up and thought i was hallucinating! 😛 thanks again bro!

  281. Matt K Says:

    Hey Paul,

    Just wanted to say thanks for your quick reply and advice. It makes sense to me that by focusing on my anxiety and trying to keep it under control only makes it worse. Its just weird that the “cure” for this is really to do nothing about the feelings. I really want to fight, but I have done that for so many years and it has never worked. I really want to have faith that if I just let them be, dont ruminate or think my way through, that all will be well in time. I’m looking forward to that time, but for now I am going to take your advice and just let it be for the next month, maybe that will be enough to give my mind and body a little break! Thanks again Paul and thanks for what you do!

  282. Nina Says:

    Hi Everybody,
    I havent been here in a while. I hope everybody is ok. Im here because Im doing soo much better, its being a year since my first break of anxiety (it was due to a bad trip weed). The only thing that bothers me is that feeling of not feeling 100% real and there. I feel like theres a block in my brain that doesnt allow me to feel 100%. I try not to let this get to me but I fell this way sometimes. Also, when I get my symptoms I just let them be and they tend to go away on their own. This feeling I think is depersonalisation, sometimes I get afraid and think maybe i will be like this forever because its being a year already. I dont know how else to describe this feeling, its like im here but not 100%, its almost like theres something blocking it. Sometimes I hope that Ill be able to snap completely back to reality.

    DOes anybody know what im talking about? Please if anybody can share their stories cause i feel soo alone with this feeling.

    Thank you soo much,

    p.s: Paul thanks soo much for this website :-)

  283. Davidina Says:

    H i Rosemary – I suffered for 1 year before buying Paul’s book around March time. I couldn’t do shops, or meet people at all. I avoided everything and my life was nothing. Now I do shops and can speak to people, go for lunch, coffee, etc with my friend. My anxiety symptoms have decreased somewhat but not altogether. I still feel on edge a lot, and like yourself, find the evenings more relaxing. I’m on edge today as myself and hubby have been asked out for a glass of wine with a couple who don’t know I have anxiety. I never go out at night, so I’m getting myself in a state as I am ruining my day thinking about it. I.m doing the what if bit instead of the so what. Have you always been able to go out with friends even at the beginning when you were suffering. Some tips on this would be useful. X

  284. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Matt I wrote in my book ‘If fighting worked you would be cured by now, so why not try the opposite’ It did’nt work for me, just made me worse, it has never worked with anyone I have ever come across and it never will, not one person who has recovered or improved has ever said to me ‘I just fought my way better’ all fighting does is increase mental/physical tension, stress, worry, tire the mind, bewilderment, self pity, dissapointment. Try hitting a broken leg each day and see if it recovers?

    Just trust me and try the opposite approach, through habit you may be dragged back into the old ways of coping, but just get straight back on and begin to learn to adobt a new attitude and approach.

  285. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Rosemary firstly don’t be dissapointed if no one reply’s. This really is just a blog and not a forum and was never really set up to be a Q & A place, it’s great that people do, but there are not always enough people to go around and many posts do get passed by. I only pop on a couple of times a week to moderate posts and have a quick glance through, sometimes a particular post will catch my attention and I think answering will help not only help that person, but the many who follow the blog, I never have favourites or pick and choose who I reply to and I am sure that goes for everyone.

    On the thank you’s above, it is a pleasure to help and it is not just me, but everyone who helps/supports that makes this place what it is.

    Anyway to your post

    rosemary Says:

    September 17th, 2010 at 3:14 pm e

    I am confused here. I go through my day much the same as Matt, white knuckle all the way. I act as though all is well with me in front of my family and work mates. I smile and joke but inside I sometimes feel like Im dying. I would hate them to think I STILL had problems with anxiety and that I cant cope, and I feel my husband could not understand either. I have suffered for a few years and because of my superior acting he believes I am mostly ok. If I do say to him” God I have had a horrible day today,I feel really nervous for no reason” he just pushes it away,almost like its being going on for so long now I should be over it. If people see me suffering with my nerves etc I feel I would go backwards and I feel I have made good progress. I think people would treat me differently to. Please help to clear this up. Also made a few posts earlier but no one responded would appreciate your reply when you have a moment. Thanks Paul

    I also put on the big act at work, in front of friends and it was truly exhausting, I would tense and fight my way through the day, acting and smiling in the right places, being who I thought I should be, when inside I was breaking.

    You say you have suffered for a few years and that tells me you are in the same place, things are not getting much better and that is because of the white knuckle way of getting through each day, acting and fighting your way through the best you can. You know the day I dropped this and truly no longer cared how the hell I came across or what people thought, is the day things changed. Things arent o.k at the moment and if your body could talk it would say ‘For god’s sake Rosemary will you stop this fighting and acting each day, I am already exhausted, you are just tiring me out further, I just want a rest and then I can begin to repair myself, you are mentally and physically draining me at the minute’ So you have to decide if you just want to get by or do you truly want to get better?

    Partners also don’t always understand, they have never felt this way, they can only relate to what they have felt, a cold, heartburn, flu etc, what they can’t relate to does not exist, anxiety to them is something that comes before a job interview and then passes. When describing it to my partner I said it is like being in a job interview 24/7 and when you feel angry and frustrated, well that feeling also stays with me during the day. It is just my nerves that are shreded and need a rest. This helped her to understand to a degree and as I said before all I asked is that she may not always understand, but just believe me and be there without judgement. A quick chat with your partner this way could help, you could even say ‘I wont complain, but just give me a little time and freedom to get better, the reason I have not so far is because I am always acting everything is o.k and it has made things worse’

    Rosemary you say people would treat you differently if they saw you suffering with your nerves, hence the big act. Firstly they will not notice, they can’t read you aswell as you think they can. I actually told a couple of close friends how I was feeling and they said they did not notice anything and suprisingly they were far more understanding than I thought, so don’t judge harshly other people’s opinions or what they maybe thinking, it is usually way off the mark.

    But more than anything, once you stop the white knuckle ride and the acting, you will actually feel less tense and come across better, not worse. You seem to think if you let go the whole house of cards will come crashing down and your secret will be out. Nothing could be further from the truth, you will begin to see a new you, one that does not tense against each pang of anxiety, push it away, waste mental and physical energy acting your way through the day. Trust me this is what, is holding you back.


    1. Stop putting so much importance on how you are coming across, this in turn will actually help in the way you do.

    2. Have a quick word with your partner and tell him how you feel and that you understand his lack of understanding also and come to an agreement, that maybe you wont mention it as much, but could he be a little more understanding, so you don’t feel the need to act all the time.

    3. Stop trying to come across as the person you think you should be, just be you, if you feel anxious then don’t try and push it away, appear normal, just allow yourself to feel the way you do with little concern, trust me in time you will see improvements, whist you tense your way through each day, trying to act normal and put a brave face on things, nothing will change.

    4. Take some time out, just go for a walk and have some you time, feel the outdoors and be good to yourself.

    Again just try a new approach, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.


  286. Scarlet Says:


    You could have been me talking 4 years ago. I lived in my head, walking around with dp every day, questioning if anything was real at all. Thought I would never have any thoughts with normal emotions attached ever again, was doomed to a life of numbness feeling out of sync with the ‘others’, worried if I could ever live an independent life, would I do something stupid, would I even feel the appropriate emotion that would make me stop. Everything you have said, i felt as well, down to a tee.

    I promise you, although you won’t believe me yet perhaps, that the real you with the appropriate emotions is only tucked away temporarily beneath the crap you are thinking, waiting for you to rest your mind, so the fog can lift. NO YOU WILL NOT BE LIKE THIS FOREVER…. You need to try and stop analysing every thought and break the cycle, RC said analysis=paralysis which is absolutely true. So when you get thoughts of this nature, eg. is unreal real? do I exist?, is everyone happy or are they pretending?, these are irrational thoughts that can’t be rationalised by overthinking them, you must cut off after the initial thought as if you don’t give a damn about questions like this, and slowly but surely some regular emotions will come back. This is the way to go…

  287. Teresa J Says:

    Hi all
    I have been on this site for over a year and I am much improved , well on the road to recovery and very grateful to all those that have supported me through. I’m still recovering and I get many despairs and times whn I feel I’m slipping – but the truth is I’m not, I’m learning a new way to live and that is not easy after probably ‘white knuckling’ it for decades until I became ill.
    One thing I would like to reinforce which Paul has just mentioned as I have experienced it lately (last year i would not have understood it and thought it was ‘failure) – Paul mentions ‘through habit you maybe dragged back to the habit of coping’ – this does happen, well to me anyway. but each time it happens it becomes easier (not easy but easier) to understand and eventually go back to adopting the new way of thinking and ‘whatever’ attitude – infact you even go past ‘whatever’ and think don’t need anything, free I’ve let go and don’t have to do or think anything, wow. Don’t expect this to last indefinitely – it does come back, but you gain strength and understanding each time. I am sure I’ll be back for support at some stage – but at the moment I have symptoms but the right attitude, and it has proved itself so well to me that i know that it will settle again once I become more relaxed . I don’t want to frighten anyone – but sometimes in the early stages it’s the expecting to get rid of it all , perfection, in a short time that makes things so hard. Try and accept improvement.

  288. marc Says:


    thanks for the reply, it is comforting although i do feel this weirdness/numbness! 😛 it just seems like at the moment things are getting much harder and worse compared to last month when i did feel the same symptoms but not as strong(and saying that i have had good moments in between!) even tonight, i was at a boxing event and my anxiety was playing up and i started to feel as if i wasnt going to be able to speak or something and that i was going freak out and not be aware of what im doing or saying! like i was going to turn into some vegatable just floating around not knowing whats going on! and of course my d.p was putting its two cents in as well wondering of all this is real and really happening making me feel even more weird and shit!!!! i do really hope in a few months or whatever down the line this shit will just calm down! id even settle for semi-normal at this stage!
    another thing as well scarlet(or anybody reading this), did you ever experience muscle twitches with anxiety???? ever since i can remember since iv had anxiety iv been getting these really strong twitches in my back with cramps and it looks like my whole body is shaking…. could this be just one of the physical symptoms??

  289. rosemary Says:

    Hi Amy thanks for your comments.
    Davinda, in the really early stages I would avoid friends at all costs, I wouldnt even answer the telephone..how silly.I go out in the evenings to socialise and although I worry about it all day, I do normally relax and enjoy it. Catching up with news etc…When I worry my stomach churns and I feel sick so I avoid doing anything that means meeting up with friends and eating. Davinda you sound like me, I worry all day if me and my husband have plans for the evening, its like a major event in my life when its probably just going out to a pub. The thing is I almost always really enjoy myself so I cant understand why my body and mind wont just get over it and relax about it. I enjoy many many evenings so I dont know why I feel so awful the next day. As I always say mornings are awful.

    PAUL DAVID……..I completely understand that comments are not always available, I guess I was in panic mode and not thinking straight. I just needed someone to answer me I guess. I do understand. Any way thank you again for your reply, I hate to say this but I am still really confused. Didnt you say to go and do the things you want to do no matter how you feel. Go with the feelings. Thats what I do but it makes me feel weird and nervous sometimes. Sometimes if I smile and joke it makes me feel a little more comfortable in my surroundings. Since I have taken this approach I am going out and doing more than before. I look forward to things sometimes and fear them sometimes too, but I am doing them and becoming interested in things around me. Last night I sat with my daughter and the feeling of love and comfort for her was unreal, beautiful. (I havnt felt that in a while) I guess what I am trying to say is that I dont know how to let go..to accept properly. Do I cry in front of people and breakdown like a quivering wreck,(although I never ever feel the need to cry and have only cried a handful of times since anxiety hit me) do I tell them how Im feeling (numb, nervous,sick,low mood, wanting to run away etc) or say nothing. If I talk about it and tell people how I feel all the time I am just keeping the fear alive. I just dont know.I am really confused by all of this. As far as my husband, I have done what you suggested a few months ago. He gives me space and I dont discuss it anymore,I know he cant cope with it, he thinks things are normal and I dont want to upset that. If I discuss it with him I know I will put pressure on myself. I have come so far in my recovery I dont want to go backwards. I do get time out alot and he puts no pressure on me to do anything. Paul as I said before, daytimes are my problem as almost every evening is peaceful and mostly enjoyable, its my attitude when I wake that ruins my day but I feel I cant stop it. I know I shouldnt try to stop it but this fear lies in the back of my mind all day,tensing my shoulders, arms and legs. In the evenings it relaxes and things are great.I sleep really well but in the very early days could not sleep at all. I know my nerves get a break and a rest almost every eve but I feel that rest just re charges my battery for another shit day when I wake. I cant understand that time and time agian I have been out with friends and had a great time only to feel completley rubbish the next day. I need help with day time perhaps I am avoiding then to much. Any help or comments would be really appreciated.

  290. scarlet Says:


    Yes this is a common symptom. Re: your boxing match, I went to a picnic in the park with loads of folks at the height of my suffering, and it was as if I was in a bubble all day, I was there in body that’s all, and I nodded occasionally, but looking back these efforts (even if you feel crap) are necessary for recovery. So make the effort to get out and about and socialise no matter how you feel. Also Marc don’t compare months/weeks even days, recovery isn’t smooth, you may feel okayish one week then the next week crappy, accept this as normal when recovering.

    Another tip is to look at these symptoms (numbness dp etc) with curiosity rather than fear, even with amazement, cos you are seeing the world in a way that the folks around you aren’t seeing (or they don’t let on that they aren’t 😉 ). Just small changes that may seem insignificant to you at the moment, sometimes reap the greatest rewards in the end..

  291. candie Says:

    Rosemary acceptance isnt admitting defeat and allowing yourself to crumble infront of people. Its allowing yourself to feel all the symptoms without trying to escape them, you dont have to tell people about your anxiety or put it on show for everyone. Just dont feel pressured your happy as larry to the extent it exhausts you. I dont tell people i have anxiety, i come across as normal.. i wouldnt say im acting through the day though as if i feel a bit crap i just pretend to be extremely happy. What u have to realise is if a person is in a bad mood they dont pretend to be happy do they? They ride the mood out and let it run its course. Well anxiety is the same, you dont have to put it on a big show for people that your fine.. but you also dont have to put your anxiety out there for others to notice for the sake of it. If someone notices your anxious or whatever so be it, thats basically acceptance.. dont worry if people will clock on. Trust me no one has ever noticed with me, the only people that notice are those that suffer themselves and even then it would have to be extreme symptoms for them to pick up that you have anxiety.

  292. candie Says:

    oops made a mistake there on my last post, what i ment to say was if i feel a bit crap i dont just pretend to be happy i just let it myself feel crap and dont force a big front to seem normal.

  293. marc Says:


    cheers for the reply. its nice to be reassured when going through this hell! :) it just seems like life has no meaning or purpose when going through this and it gets to ya! just cant wait for the day when im back to my old self! ill keep in touch! marc :)

  294. Gail Says:

    Mark – thanks for the reply.

    I did start taking the bp meds last week. Just feeling tired and groggy with headache, and can’t stop thinking about whether or not these are side effects or from anxiety; or if side effects will get worse. Trying to remind myself that I’m anxious about many things right now anyways, but doesn’t seem to be working. I just want to take the meds and not think about them.
    Any advice. Thanks!

  295. scarlet Says:

    it just seems like life has no meaning or purpose when going through this and it gets to ya

    It does Marc, but it’s all a bad habit, a simple attitude shift will make all the difference. Those without anxiety/depression, like Candie says above just ride it out knowing their low mood will pass, they don’t dwell and analyse why they feel that way. You need to learn to stop worrying about worrying…. and it will come in time..

  296. rosemary Says:

    Hi Candie,thanks for that. From reading your post I think that mostly I am doing the right thing. I do sometimes paint on a smile but sometimes the smile is there naturally and without me faking it. I have also told a few close work people that I do get anxiety and they seem fine with it.I do all the things I need to do daily and always feel” boxed in” like i need to run,but I always stick with it and sometimes this is where I act a little to keep myself there and not raise suspicion.Daytimes just wont let me relax. I dont know why, even if Im at home Icant settlein the day, in my home I feel sick and edgy. Everyday feels like a challenge and I know I battle to accept it so am trying not to but its so difficult. In the early days I lost about 2stone and it worried me loads. Everyone asking if I was ill. I felt sick all the time and had no appetite, slowly I started to eat and put on weight about a stone and a half. I have noticed lately that my eating habits are struggling (due to anxiety levels and sickness) again and for whatever silly reason I weighed myself. I have lost 4lbs in about a week so here I go again…more worry. I just dont seem to be able to stop my mind racing with fear it sort of happens naturally.I would love just for one morning to wake up and feel comfortable, not sick or worried or empty, just one morning. Heres hoping and thanks again it really means alot to get feed back from you guys.

  297. peter Says:

    Hi guys,

    Sorry a lot of the posts above have got me a bit confused. In a bit of a blip at the moment. Really aware of my anxiety and struggling to think about anything else. I’m just trying to get on with my life, going out, going to work, cleaning, cooking etc, etc. Sometimes at work I feel crap but just throw my self into my work. Is this right? Is this avoidance? The alternative for me is to ruminate and end up in a downward spiral.

    If I’m in a low mood I try and pull myself up and enjoy everything….it may feel unnatural at first but then I start to feel better, again is this avoidance?

    When this started I wouldn’t do anything, go out, go on holiday, go to the football, now I know I will enjoy these things. I’m really confused about the whole avoidance thing!!!!

  298. rosemary Says:

    Anyone else suffer really badly as soon as theire eyes open in the morning.
    When I first had anxiety my body would jolt with electricity as soon as I woke. That has now stopped thank goodness.
    My posts all seem a little negative at the moment,not sure why I feel so bad as if I look back I know in my heart that I really have improved loads. Seem to be having a major wave of nervous energy running through me lately and I am finding it hard to cope with it. I guess I want to be better now.I have suffered solong just wish I could move on. Jess how are you and also Lloryt.

  299. Trisha Says:

    Thanks Paul, i sometimes come back to this blog every few months if some difficult comes up for me and i read the blog, i found the above helpfull as its just the thing i struggle with at the moment, not all the times but at times when im super aware or tired or at times the day after i have had a few drinks the night before. Just this week gone, i found myself in a training dy where i was quite tired after a long work week and the training involved alot of participation and speakng amongst the group. i have found i have really recovered alot in gaining my confidence back in this department and i dont fear it as much. however as this brought on some tension for me (sometimes we dont realise when we are putting tension on ourselves in order to get through a situation) i found the next day i wasn;t very relaxed. I spent the day in a large shopping centre with my partner and i was super conscious of myself in and out of the shops. i felt off balance and light headed. this symptom has stayed iwth me when i have recovered friom most others. its true what you say above i kept thinknig of what this sight as advised and still it didn;t pass but what i learned from the previous experiences when i just take my mind off it and start shopping i enjoy my day better as i dont feel these symtoms as much. its really really difficult to know what to do at the time. maybe im forcing myself to enjoy my day and feel normal too much. i know you say dont focus on time and how long it takes to recover but sometimes when alot of other symptoms have passed it hard not to. My day went ok. i dont fear my anxiety any more so it never forces me to leave situations it just makes it unpleasant. what gives me comfort is knowing that im not the only one battling. it was funnt because while out shopping i kept saying these mantras of letting go and floating with it. but i kept thinking about it. i dont know if anyone else does this but its like its nearly programmed in me. depending on if my anxiety on the day i can enter a shop and automatically expect to feel anxiety coming on. i know in time this will pass. For those of you suffering from the moment they awake in the morning, this passes and you will recover. I felt like this for a long time and would end up in tears, i have recoverd from most of those symptoms thanks to advice on this blog and i feel like im living my life again. the key for me was to share how i was feeling with loved ones you trust to ease the pressure of hiding how you are feeling. Thanks paul for the blog

    Trisha x

  300. Trisha Says:

    Peter i feel your not avoiding, these are the things i did to begin my recovery of these symtoms. In my opinion your doing the right thing to help yourself. THe alternative is to just focus on yourself for the day and this will never improve the situation. I had to start doing the things your talking about especially with work and the moment i kept myself busy and got stuck in slowly over time my anxiety eased so much. i focused on myself for years untill i found this website and it dramatically changed my life because i never knew what to do to help myself and i didn’t understand why it was happening. keep going and do the things you enjoy even if it feels weird and scary, it will start to not feel that soon.

  301. Max G Says:

    Paul Candie Marc

    I finally figured out my problem. Nothing is wrong with me at all. I just somehow convinced myself that there is, so now i’m always self conconcious and hyper aware of myself at the same time. Which gives me this feeling like something is wrong due to me focusing on this feeling. It’s basically me focusing on me being me. I don’t know when the problem will subside but there it is and its extremely uncomfortable.

    I guess focusing on yourself literally for 5 months straight without taking much in can do this to you. The only way i can describe this feeling is me being aware of me from the moment i wake up to the moment i sleep. I guess one day it will fade. Marc, Rosemary and the crew, hang in there. IT WILL get better somehow….

  302. rosemary Says:

    Hi Max
    I focus on myself almost all day wondering when this awful thing will stop. Happy to say that evenings is my break from all this worry. Late eve I get that wonderful really tired and relaxed feeling that could allow me to fall asleep anywhere, so off I go to bed. So my positive is that days are hard but evenings have been easier for quite a while now, I hope it follows that my days become a little easier too. As you say the feeling is uncomfortable, its us worrying about worrying, just so simple yet causes so much frustration. Anyway you hang in there too.One day we will all write our posts on our recovery….Here’s to all of us.

  303. ross Says:


    i drink most weekends and usually its quite a lot , i find it hard to get away from it because its a chance to see my mates and its like a routine.

    but i am willing to go tee-total if it helps me recover from anxiety.

    any advice?? and is anybody thinking of doing the same??

  304. marc Says:


    i remember talking about this with ya, alcohol can be ok but only in moderation. but to be honest everyones body is different, i feel weird(anxiety weird not pissed weird!) even after 1 pint being honest! so my advice would be give up the sauce for about 2-3 weeks and see how ya get on man! and if you can see an improvement in your anxiety, well then youll know yourself what to do!… but by saying give up the drink, im not saying give up going out with your mates! its very important to be out and about when going through this shite! try and take up more activities as well to keep you busy, especially during the week- meeting up with your mates for a game of footie, game of pool, going to the cinema with your bird or gettin a dvd, whatever it may be! and no matter how useless/pointless it may seem, do it anyway! its these kind of activities that keep our mind busy and get us back to our old selves!
    just out of curiosity, how old are ya mate???

  305. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Ross there is no need to go tee total, but just try and cut down, soicalising is so important in the long run, but do you have to get totally drunk and out of it? It definately heightens anxiety the day after when you have far too many. What I did is keep out of rounds, telling people my hangovers were so bad I had to cut down. Then I would drink 4-7 pints maximum and no more, a pint of water before I slept and then felt pretty much felt fine the day after. I no longer suffer with anxiety symptoms now but still prefer this approach and have stuck with it, I don’t miss hangovers and wasted days and actually prefer to be fresh than out of it anyway.

  306. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Max Says: It’s basically me focusing on me being me. I don’t know when the problem will subside but there it is and its extremely uncomfortable.

    I guess focusing on yourself literally for 5 months straight without taking much in can do this to you. The only way i can describe this feeling is me being aware of me from the moment i wake up to the moment i sleep. I guess one day it will fade. Marc, Rosemary and the crew, hang in there. IT WILL get better somehow….

    Max all I did for months was focus on me and the way I was feeling and I was so self aware and locked in my own mind I would count cars on my way to work, something to attach me back to the world around me and that’s the problem, you have allowed nothing else in other than you and how you are feeling, watching and tuning in has become a habit and the reason you feel so self aware FACT.

    The way I was able to lead my way out of it is to allow this self awareness, but to pay it no mind, it hung around for a while, but weakened bit by bit as I was no longer concerned with it, yes it was annoying and I felt detached for a while longer, but I was able to get on with it there and that’s what I had to do. Don’t try not to think about you, allow the attention to be on you for as long as it needs, but try not to care.

    Pay it no mind!

  307. Max G Says:

    @ Rosemary

    Rosemary can you try and describe the feeling of focusing on yourself? To me it feels like I am unsure of really being me anxiety free which leaves me in this constant influx-ed state of checking in on how i feel which gives me this paralyzing feeling that i’m watching myself without actually watching myself (Just the feeling like my subconscious is use to me doing this).

    @ Paul

    Paul you know what throws me off? Not being sure if i’m still focused on myself or not. It’s like i can be in the here and now but then at the same time i’m wondering or getting the feeling if i’m really just in the here and now or if im just thinking, it’s weird. This feeling has decapitated me to point where i’m not sure how to enjoy myself anymore. It makes watching my boy near impossible. Thank you for responding.


  308. NY Says:

    I love this site, it’s my first time post but have been reading it for years. I’ve suffered from most of the symptoms mentioned on here all my life, been there, done that and bought the book :)

    I still suffer occasionally and it’s normally brought about by some event or other, infact the last few days have been particularly trying for me, my wife has gone away for two weeks and left me to look after our two young children, i’ve been dreading this responsibility for months and now it’s finally here.

    Instead of just enjoying the time with my kids, i’m pacing around in a fluster, panicking about them getting hurt by some unforseen danger, or having crazy thoughts like of me swallowing my tongue, keeling over and dying and no-one discovering them for days. “What? Why would you just all of sudden swallow your tongue i hear you ask”, i know i know, i must be mad..ahh i’m mad oh no what am i gonna do. It’s amazing how the most bizarre and far fetched scenarios feel like reality when your anxious.

    My coping strategies include;

    Ignoring it – Not very succesful for me as anxiety is a tenacious caller.

    Accepting it – this works (thanks Paul) i say to myself “ok come on, give me that panicky rush, lovely, here comes the racing heart, nice, hear comes the dizzy feeling, sweet” and then it’s “hey come back where have you gone” that was quick. I try not to take anxiety so seriously.

    Rationalising it – this gives me a bit of control over the scary thoughts, but they have a way of taking over again, so i generally go back to acceptance and say “ok come on then, if you’re reflection is freaking you out, lets go and stare in the mirror and see what happens” nothing ever does.

    Meditate – Not like sat cross legged on the floor humming a tune meditate, i just sit down at my desk, or in my sitting room, or lying in bed and just zone out, let the thoughts come in, but don’t think about them, just let them be there, kind of like someone walking into a room and putting random pictures on the wall, i just look at them, i don’t try to analyse them or understand them.

    Excercise – running, cycling, swimming anything it’s great, i get a real sense of achievement when i’ve run further than ever before or swam more lengths, it really builds up my self worth and burns off the extra pizza slice.

    Drink – if all else fails then i have a glass of wine :) just one, or maybe two, but that’s it, anymore and i’m just asking for anxiety the following day.

    Well that’s my ramble over, thanks for listening, as BT used to say “it’s good to talk” and it sure is.

    Just one last thing.. Thanks Paul, thanks for your hard work and putting this site together, when i first found it three or four years ago, i cried, i was so happy that someone had managed to put into words what i was feeling and that i wasn’t the only one feeling it. You deserve an honour.

  309. lorryt Says:

    hi all

    had a major attack last night it was so bad i was awake all night, not coz im scared of em anymore but coz i am under a lot of stress, everytime i drifted off it was like s huge shot of adrenelin woke me up with a start, heart racing sweating and panicking. i dont kinow how to help my hubby anymore with his depression. he says he feels invisible , nobody cares etc. how can i help him when he wont admit there is a problem !!. its like treading on eggshells. i wont go on anymore as i know this is a place for advice on anxiety and depression not really on admitting there is a problem but i know it all contributes to my anxiety . seems like i am caught up ina vicious circle , that i cant break . sorry xx

  310. lorryt Says:

    i began reading the richard carlson book too and it does make sense, but just cant get my head round it at the mo. it offers a lot of examples with which i think we can all relate to , i shall keep on battling away ! xx

  311. sasha Says:

    Hi Candie & Diana….!!!

    i am actually at this stage wherein i cant describe how i feel..one day i am so enthusiastic about life and i can see a whole lot of opportunities ahead of me..the next day its a land of hopelessness for me..no thoughts..dull to the core..
    and the mind starts chattering which i cant stop unfortunately that i am scared to even think about anything be it the outside world itself..
    i think my approach to life as whole should be changed its not just about recovering for me…even when i am fine i tend to get caught in unneccesary thought patterns..

    i guess thats the last stage wherein my mind is starting to pik up with my body as in to totally get absorbed with the outside world but the moment i see something or hear something it hits me badly…but to teach myself its anxiety and nothing more is what i am doing right now…
    i liked what u said below and loving all your posts….keep writing…
    Candie n Daina

    candie Says:

    August 23rd, 2010 at 7:16 pm
    ”Isiah honestly your at the last hurdle, where your left with a feeling you cant describe, your mind just needs to catch upto your body thats all.. and it will. Gradually your mind will realise it doesnt need to focus on you anymore, as nothing is happening anxiety wise- so it will focus on life and you will be back to normal …”

    I liked diana’s post…so true..

    ”It takes discipline to break a habit of this magnitude.
    It takes time.
    It takes will and desire.
    It takes the acute, clear understanding that what you are feeling has nothing to do with reality and the fortitude to do something about it.”


  312. sasha Says:

    Dear Diana

    Thanks for your posts…

    ”And I got used to doing things that were horribly uncomfortable for me. Afterwards I would treat myself with respect — let myself rest and recover. But once I got “comfortable” with this way of paying the anxiety no heed, I wanted more of it, so I kept checking in with myself to see if I was ok. And this started some small setbacks that I had to learn to stop causing.

    Even i used to do everything that i could and i wanted to do more of it ..i thought the more i do the more i will be able to get out of it..but i guess this isnt right as in it subconsciously is an attempt to check in on me whether i am able to or not..i guess i will have to carry on with what i should do floating through the day rather than just going on about doing things just to get out of the scary feelings…

    any thoughts on this??

  313. rosemary Says:

    HI Max,
    Thats difficult for me to explain,but I will try. I wake in the morning and immediately a feeling of sickness comes over my whole body so now my mind is working. Thinking Oh i feel shit again I know I am going to have a bad day,why is this feeling of fear still with me.I get up and get showered and dressed all the time thinking why do I feel so shit and life seem so strange, like things are not the norm. I head off to work but my mind is feeling strange. I watch people and wonder why they are all coping and seem so happy. I suppose I feel a bit detached from the whole world it doesnt feel the same as it used to,sort of weird. it seems endless like I will never get to the end when I feel better again. I go to work and all the time I am thinking about how I will feel when I get home. Will I be able to relax or continue feeling strange. I also wonder why the day feels blank and empty but somehow once I relax I start feeling just fine. If I am in a social situation I may sometimes start off feeling uncomfortable but after a few minutes I settle and all is just great. My mind does sometimes say ” oh wow ,I feel so great, relaxed and happy this anxiety thing is just nothing to worry about, why do I let it get me so bad”I make the most of this wonderful feeling of contentment. Everything is so simple when i relax and chill and anxiety is then a distant memory, thats all. It all seems so foolish when my mind is rested that anxiety could make me feel so strange and take such a hold on me and my life. I can cope with all the things in my day but I dont want to cope I want to ENJOY and thats the key. I do believe that me focusing on me is just a bad bad habit but I cant work out how to break it. If I could beat the “morning feeling” I do believe I will have cracked this thing as I wind myself up so badly when I wake that it takes all day to unwind. I have to add that I am feeling different again somehow, hard to explain its like things are somehow starting to make sense again.I get these moments of “light turning on in my head thinking I am understanding this, things make sense, no wonder I feel bad when I think in a certain way” so I do think I have moved onto another stage of recovery as it feels the rational side of my brain seems to be checking in evey now and then to make sense of things..Hope that helps in some way. I would be interested in your comments.
    ROSS: I went out the other eve and drank loads, I dont normally and let me say that I suffered really badly the following day with high anxiety. If I fancy a drink I have one or two but no more and thats fine by me. I have to say that I have never been a big drinker anyway, but I did beat myself up about drinking at all as I worried it would make things worse..
    LORRYT: Sorry your feeling so bad…just wanted to say Hi

  314. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    @ Paul

    Max Says: Paul you know what throws me off? Not being sure if i’m still focused on myself or not. It’s like i can be in the here and now but then at the same time i’m wondering or getting the feeling if i’m really just in the here and now or if im just thinking, it’s weird. This feeling has decapitated me to point where i’m not sure how to enjoy myself anymore. It makes watching my boy near impossible. Thank you for responding.


    Max you are way over thinking and analysing here. You have D.P, everything you mention is what I had and went through, it bothers and scares you because it is so alien to you. But trust me it is totally harmless, it is your bodys way of switching off from all this deep thinking, over analysing, questioning, so your safety mechanism kicks in and your mind shuts down to protect itself from all the worry and analysing and the reason you feel so one dimensional/odd and also feel like you can’t feel emoitions, joy, everything feels odd and detached.

    Trust me I went through it all, so have many others. Try not to go over things, watch, worry, question. Just do as I did and say, ‘It’s bloody odd and I feel detached, emoitionless here, but I am going to just go along with the craziness and in time it will pass’ and then just give it as much time and space as it needs and trust me you will see the old you surface little by little, as really annoying as it can be just go with it, don’t care for now that you feel little emoition, don’t care for now if you feel detached and odd, trust me it will pass if you take on board what I say, it may take time, but it will pass.

    The reason you stay as you are now is because D.P has become the new problem that you worry and obsess about,that you try to fix, so your mind keeps up the safety mechanism to protect itself even more and you never move forward. If you no longer care and just go along feeling, odd, emiotionless without question, you stop all the worry and obsessing, the need to fix it and your mind says’ Thank god for that Max, I can open up again and no longer need to protect myself’ and the old you begins to resurface, your mind little by little will become clearer. You may have the odd day when you feel more detached than ever, it does not matter. Once I went on the right path I had bad and good days, but at one time it was all bad days so I knew I was on the right path and things were finally turning round.

    Trust me on this, I have been there, come through and done more research on D.P to last me a lifetime.


  315. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    NY thanks for your comments and it’s great so see lurkers finally posting, even if you did wait 4 years :)

    It was actually 2006 when it was first set up so you would have been around in the very early days, the growth has blown me away in that time and it has passed so quickly.

    Really glad it has been of help to you and I know only to well that feeling of crying when someone finally explains what is wrong and you realise you are not going crazy.


  316. ross Says:

    thanks paul!! your right no need to get wasted just hard to stop drinking when the drinks are flowing, just one more thing i need 2 learn and i’ll get there :) moderation and knowing when to stop.

    cheers 4 ur all help

  317. ross Says:

    Cheers rosemary . i probably got myself anxiety through my bad hangovers over the last few years!! never been good at stopping drinking when i should always get carried away and have 1 2 many and yes it does heighten anxiety extremely, your bodys so dehydrated and tired it goes haywire.

    i’ll learn though starting this weekend :)

  318. Claire Says:

    I was wondering if anyone suffers mainly with just their thoughts like I do? How do you deal with them? Any advice? And finally what kind of thoughts do you guys have?x

  319. Max G Says:

    Thank you Paul!! Figured that’s what it was. I been trolling the famous DP forum lately, but will no longer continue to do so.

    Max G

  320. Max G Says:

    @ Rosemary

    It is so hard dealing with this feeling. You described what i’m going through to the Tee. Only difference is that I also suffer from DP as well (No dreamlike state, distorted views or blurry hazy trails of lights just that i’m not me feeling). I try to explain it to people all the time and they just don’t get it. Just like that feeling of doom or dread that you get from time to time with with panic attacks. Rosemary hang in there we will get better.


  321. rosemary Says:

    Thanks Max,I will keep going. Its strange but somehow knowing that other people feel the same can be comforting. I am the same as you I think. No dreamlike states etc just dont feel like me, have feelings of high worry for no resaon what so ever…but hey onward and upward.

    Ross, enjoy your weekend.

  322. Eileen Says:

    Hello everyone,
    Have been visiting this site since last October, and have found great support from everyone.
    Have been following the advice as best I can, but for the past 2 months things have been difficult.
    Have suffered with anxiety symptoms for many years, and find it a 2 forward and three back senario. Main problem at the moment is the tension{mainlly neck and shoulders leading to tension headaches}, and stomach churning. Keep myself busy each day, go for long walks with the dog, look after my niece one day a week, attend an art class and yoga class. ALso go to pub quiz and cinema..
    Need a little support as when these physical symptoms are likely to subside. Most people who write on this site say that physical symptoms tend to disappear first, but this hasn.t happened with me. Will continue to keep the faith, but just wondered if anyone could offer some advice…
    Thanks to you all. Eileen

  323. James Says:


    Been doing quite well recently, accepting my anxiety a lot and not questioning how I feel nearly as much. I really feel like I could even be getting quite close to recovery.

    BUT, in the past few days I have been getting terrible bouts of depression. I mean to the point where I feel I have died and gone to hell. I’ve never suffered from depression much in the 8+ years of my anxiety disorder, and am really puzzled why this is happening now.

    Just as I was finally starting to stop questioning my symptoms, my body has given me this, which I am finding impossible to ignore.

  324. Andre Says:

    Paul definitely you deserve a honor, but not just you, everyone who struggled and struggle with anxiety, and this kind community who is willing to help on each other, and i think this is amazing.
    I think it’s time to thank you for what have you done through this site, and for everyone out there through their little contribution by posting their encouraging messages.
    Max G try to not be to much impressed by this feelings. Almost everyone from us has gone trough these feelings at some degree.

  325. Max G Says:

    @ Eileen

    Trust me you’ll learn to appreciate the physical symptoms as long as you don’t get the psychological ones which are devastating. My suggestion is to try to live alongside the pain and headaches. Try to let it be there as much as possible without worrying (I know it’s hard). After awhile your pain and tension will just fade like any other ache and pain (Which isn’t from a serious injury of course).

    When you can, try to relax as much as possible. Maybe listen to some relaxing music or take a walk with the kids or dog if you have one. That will also help alleviate the tension headaches. Drink lots of water as well.
    Hope you feel better.


  326. natalie Says:

    hi everyone
    just a quick post from me hope everyone is doing ok, i have had a tuff few days .. mainly feeling v low (is this usual) and today went to nottm shopping with friend and all the way round kept thinkin i used to love this and focusing on me.. i did not really feel anxious but a little out of it and my head hurt, v tired and now i am home i feel like i could cry and having to try and ignore thoughts like i don’t think this will go away, i know that is wrong but try not to fight and just say.. todya not such a good day any advise please !!!!!!
    also does anyone else think how should i deal with this emotion am i doing this right.. i guess this still not the way to go and would love help with this one as well .. thanks guys you all have so much advice to give xxxx

  327. lesley Says:

    agree with Andre, thankyou to everyone, i found this site back in june and its worked wonders along with Pauls book, i have good and bad days, more good than bad though now (do still beat myself up abit about the bad days though which i know i shouldnt) after having anxiety for 3years im just so grateful for days that are easier to manage rather than perfect if there is such thing, :)

    lesley x

  328. ross Says:

    wish i wasnt so impatient!! i know what i have to do but still cant stop noticing dp and tryin to rid myself of it!!

    my memory is rubbish so goin to read the book again been a while

  329. Max G Says:


    Ross does your dp feel like you wonder if your really you in the here and now or not? Like your worrying about some worry that doesn’t really exist (the constant focusing on yourself feeling)? Or is your dp seeing people and objects like their paintings and you feel automated?


  330. ross Says:

    Hey Max G,
    ye it feels like im nothing ,totally nothing, im constantly watching myself move, talk , analysing everything.

    i even get a weird feeling like i’m watching my body move but im not controlling it?? and constantly wondering how we move our body and how it works, strange i know!!!! < this is my latest one , i know myself its stupid but i cant seem to believe it.

    I understand Paul's message and i have learnt to accept and let all thoughts feelings just be there but i still cant shake of the introspectiveness its as if im scared to let go of myself as if i now feel safe in my anxiety?? im scared if i feel back 2 my normal self i'll freak out at how bad my anxiety is??? hope you understand what im saying.

    Ive also forgotten how it feels to feel normal this is the hardest one!! makes me feel sad and scared i wont get there , all i can do though is keep educating myself and letting it be there , Im quite fit and healthy otherwise from my binge drinking which im cutting down

  331. ross Says:

    i also get anxious thoughts which stop me dead for a moment , im finding them hard not to react to.
    there usually : ‘ oh my god i dont know who i am or where i am?’
    ‘oh my god im going to freak out and lose it ‘
    ”oh my god i cant speak!!’ (i used 2 even have to sing a song or say somethin 2 proe myself wrong!!!)
    ‘oh my god i cant move’

    after writing all these down i realise how stupid they are and i shpuld ignore them and not react or be alarmed by them.

    sometimes it just takes getting it out your head to see how silly it is,
    i dont really talk to anyone about my anxiety as i dont want to be judged by people who know nothing about it.

    if anyone relates to any of the above let me know, so i dont look so stupid haha

  332. NY Says:

    Hi Ross, i know exactly how you feel. I’ve had (and still get) the same introspective thoughts, who am I? why am i? why is my name what it is? why am i me? And there not just questions they’re real deep scary thoughts.

    I find that if i worry about these thoughts and pay them all my attention they stay with me for months, but if i starve them of attention then they last a few seconds and never return.

    I have the thought, accept the thought and let the thought go.

    Instead of having the thought, worrying about the thought, trying to find a solution to solve the thought, worrying about worrying about the thought, etc, etc which i used to do.

    Also those thoughts that stop you dead are horrid, i recall telling a joke at work and during the telling of the joke i started having a panic attack, it was so weird, i was speaking the joke but thinking about what everyone thought of me and then when it came to the punchline, i couldn’t say it, i was frozen, everyone was looking at me expectantly but i just couldn’t speak, then a few seconds later my mind focussed again and i mumbled the punchline, no one laughed.

    I thought i was going mad and was sure everyone thought so too, but in reality they probably just thought it was a crap joke, and i wasn’t going mad, i was just concentrating on my worry rather than the joke.

    Anytime i get that feeling now, I recognise what it is and force myself to concentrate on what ever it is I should be doing. Kind of like watching tv when doing homework, you keep focussing on the wrong thing and have to pull your mind back.

    Also with regards drinking at the weekend, try sticking to the same type of drink, the worst hangovers (and anxiety hangovers) for me are when i mix drinks and have wine, beer, lager, whisky, etc all in the same night..

    Don’t worry about letting go of your anxiety, when you’re back to your normal self again you’ll laugh at how daft your worries were.

    good luck.

  333. Mike G. Says:

    Hello everyone. Really down right now and could really use some advise. I have had issues with anxiety the last three yrs and have been having severe dp and panic attacks the last two months. A month ago it got so bad at work i had to take a leave. Today i was given an ultimatum to either return on monday or lose my job. This in itself has made me feel worse bc in the state i am in i simply can not go back Its a struggle to even go check my mail. I do have some savings but only for a few months Officially losing my job makes me feel pathetic and now idk what i am going to do.

  334. Max G Says:

    @ Anyone

    How do you stop being introspective of self? I think that’s why i have dp. Thinking of my own self literally for months. Him this must be the hyper awareness Paul was talking about.

    ross I think me and you are definitely on the same boat. I remember when i use to get those thoughts like “What is time” “Or how were we created” Thoughts you can’t answer. I just ignored them as best as i can.


  335. jess Says:

    NY i like your way of thinking very much, it really is all about the attitude! As many people have said before treat anxiety like a monster and it will treat you like a victim! Im doing exceptionally well at the mo, but what i am struggling with is getting my passion back for life.

    I have tired my body out sooo much that im sorta in a limbo of numbness… but im not worried about this, as i have realised how far i have come in the last two months that this numbness doesn’t really bother me! I know my excitement for life will come back, i just have to deal with today and think about 2moro 2moro….

    Im a student nurse and since i have had this episode (if thats what we want to call it) i have lost that commitment i had with my course. Assignments late etc, what i am doing now is making myself sit down and do them. I say to myself ok for the next two hours i am going to write about ‘acute care’ lol after i have finished i feel like i have accomplished something and there you go, i end up knocking off another lil stone of this brick of anxiety! I understand now that the thoughts i had where just absolutely stupid, and its really just the memory of how i reacted that have me at this limbo stage…. But i know im going to be alright and if i have to remember this forever then you know what im going to get on with my life! I don’t care anymore if they are there and they mean nothing about the person i am… We are all very good people, just extensive worriers! But that will change, as i have already seen the good results of just saying ‘whatever’ and when i get caught up and think to myself ‘god i put myself through hell recently’ i just say to myself ‘well jess who cares, now do you wana get back to what you are doing? thanks for interupting there anxiety’ lol it really is all about ‘attitude’….

    Paul again, you have done amazing here and you should be very proud of yourself you have helped sooo many people out through this website. You should really give yourself a pat on the back. Your method has pulled me from a very dark place, and i can’t put that into words when that means….

    Everyone, we will be alright… Keep smiling

    Your friend


  336. Nina Says:

    Hi Everybody,
    I havent been here in a while. I hope everybody is ok. Im here because Im doing soo much better, its being a year since my first break of anxiety (it was due to a bad trip weed). The only thing that bothers me is that feeling of not feeling 100% real and there. I feel like theres a block in my brain that doesnt allow me to feel 100%. I try not to let this get to me but I fell this way sometimes. Also, when I get my symptoms I just let them be and they tend to go away on their own. This feeling I think is depersonalisation, sometimes I get afraid and think maybe i will be like this forever because its being a year already. I dont know how else to describe this feeling, its like im here but not 100%, its almost like theres something blocking it. Sometimes I hope that Ill be able to snap completely back to reality.

    DOes anybody know what im talking about? Please if anybody can share their stories cause i feel soo alone with this feeling.

    Thank you soo much,

    P.S: Has anybody been at that stage where you have been with D.P for soo long that it doesnt even bother you anymore and it scares you because you think it wont go away since you are already use to it?


  337. rosemary Says:

    Question for you all.
    I have had anxiety for around 3 years.I have been doing “the daily things” for ages now and not avoiding. I have had a p/t job for a year (which I took up in the height of my anxiety, I am a very determined,strong character))…….I am doing all the things I used to do, work, shopping with my daughter, dancing classes, cinema etc but still feel mostly horrid and nervous when I do them. I really want to enjoy them and I get frustrated with myself that this “block in my head, chest and stomach” just wont move out of my way, like I cant drop the barrier. Its like there is something built in me that wont let me relax and be the old me and enjoy these things the way I used to. Each day I wake I think Oh no I cant cope,what will I do today, how can I do anything and enjoy it when I feel so sick and edgy.I want to go out and meet my friend for coffee but the thought of it makes me feel so ill. I do sometimes push myself but how many more times do I have to push push push. I do go with my feelings thinking that no matter how I feel I will do what I want to do. I dont have any bad thoughts or if I do I must dismiss them as Im not aware of any. Now although I say I have been doing these things for the last year, I didnt find Pauls book until June/July this year. So although I was doing these things I didnt really understand my condition until I read the book a few months ago and realised that I wasnt going MAD. I do feel that I should not be feeling this way now after doing the normal/daily things for so long. Example I have worked for a year but each time I go I feel sick and worried, focused on me me me.Everyone I work with is lovely so I have no reason to feel this at all. I dont understand why I torture myself (thats how it feels). So the question…am I rushing to recovery or does it really take soooo long to reach that happy place. Any thoughts or comments would be really appreciated. Just dont understand why I still cant get it together even though I do all the daily things everyone else does, but with me,I am dying inside all day long..I just want to be me, no forward thinking just live and enjoy life. Any help…….

  338. Nina Says:

    I feel your pain. My anxiety started last year (August) and of it wasnt for this site, i dont know what i would have done. I suffer for 6 whole months (I was soo bad that I even thought that i was gonna go mad) before I saw relief. It was soo hard for me to understand how others could go through the hell that I was going through. I feel like you are rushing recovery and that in a way you havent accept it all the way through. Dont get me wrong, I think you are doing a great job at going out there everyday, working and taking care of your daughter. You are still paying attention to your anxiety, you have to just let it run through your system and out. I remember candie one day mentioning how she takes 10 minutes everyday, sits down in her couch, closes her eyes and just let all that nervousness and fears run through her. You dont have to exactly do this, I didnt do it either but what I took from what she does is closing my eyes everytime I feel anxious and just letting all my fears, negative thoughts and nervousness run through and out from me and move on. Anxiety is part of life (others have it better and others have it worse) Dont let your anxiety get the best of you and DONT RUSH IT, just let it be. ACCEPTANCE and KNOWLEDGE is really the most IMPORTANT key to recovery, you have the Knowledge now just take things one step at a time and one day at a time so that you can get to accceptance. I hope this helps and just know that I know exactly what your going through

    Sending you positive vibes,

  339. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Jessica that’s a fantastic attitude you have at the minute, we have to keep over riding the need for anxiety to make us weak and meak, but keep doing as you are doing, living your life with the pest in the background and that’s all it should be seen as, that little pest. Here is a paragraph from my book that is relevant.

    One day I said to myself: “Anxiety, you still hold the power over me to influence what I do, but today its stops. I am going to embrace you and take away that power. You are never going to stop me doing anything anymore. If you want me to feel bad, then so be it, but this is the last time you have any influence over what I do”.

    Keep trucking and you will get threre :)

  340. Max G Says:

    @ Paul

    Paul are you going to up your post on DP soon? I’m interested in hearing your experiences with this in depth.

    @ Rosemary

    Rosemary just hang in there i know that invisible feeling you describe just embrace it and go through your day and it will slowly start to dissipate more and more. I notice a small difference right now. Just not as much as I would like. I know the feeling though…


  341. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Max don’t look for a post or a sentance to make DP go away overnight, I did explain to you above what you should do and what will get you through, but it takes patience. I think you are still letting this feeling dominate your life at the minute and still searching for more answers. The only way is stright through it and that means living alongside it for the time being.

    Here are 2 links from me that you may have or may not have read that explain d.p in far more detail



  342. Max G Says:

    @ Paul

    I just get that, “i don’t know if it has left or if i still have it feeling”. Thats the invisible feeling i struggle with. I know i no longer suffer from anxiety but my mind gives me this feeling like i’m not sure and i question my very existence or get the feeling i guess. I’m trying to hang in. It’s just hard when your not sure if your fine or not. Thats when i get bluffed into believing something might still be wrong.

    It’s like i go throughout my day checking if i’m fine with myself without just living. Sometimes it’s also confusing cause i might be having regular normal reactions and then i feel like my attention is reverted back to me again. Strange thing is i’m dead calm, never anger anymore just there.

    I listen to my music, take walks, try to enjoy my boy but i always feel like something is off even whens it’s not, I unfortunately i can’t jump into anyone elses brain to see that i’m perfectly normal again like before i ever had anxiety and thats what keeps this feeling alive, the not knowing.


  343. Josh Says:

    Hey guys. I’ve been having a problem with dizzyness lately. I feel like I’m drunk all the time ( I’m not). When I walk I constantly feel like I’m going to fall backwards or faint. Sometimes I feel like I’m walking off to the side. I’ve also been having problems with jumpy vision constantly and its driving me crazy. I look at one spot and my vision jumps and everything in the background is wavy. Its been going on 24/7 for over a month now. Has anyone else had these problems? I’ve been going through a real stressful time recently and I guess I just need some reassurance. Thanks

  344. Nicole Says:

    Hi there,
    Have not posted in quite a long time which has been good as I was feeling super and more myself than ever but then whammo, with the kids back at school and a few other stresses I have been having feelings I have not had in years it seems.
    I have even been having minor panic attacks and scaring myself with the thought – am I having a nervous break down? It seems weird even writing that down as this thought was sooo far from my mind for such a long time. I think that it came back because I was told of a lady in my home town who people were saying had one, and this sparked a fire of anxiety in me. I guess I was not as far down that recovery road as I thought if this tripped me up. I am doing my best to dismiss this as just another anxiety thought but I was wondering if Paul or Candie or anyone else might be able to demystify this one for me. I know that I have created a big monster here and I am having trouble brushing it off. On the up side, yesterday afternoon I felt a wave of panic/overwhelming feeling come and I truly watched it and went toward it. Coming through the other side of that really taught me to fear it less. You know, it really was not as bad as I thought and all this time I have been tensing up whenever I felt annoyed or irritated, afraid of my own feelings and I had a little realization there that I can just watch them and they will subside on their own. I guess I need to apply this same principle to my thoughts. It just feels so much harder with thoughts. But also when the thoughts are accompanied with a rush of fear I completely fall into them. Any words of wisdom? Many thanks, Nicole

  345. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Firstly Max I had the same link in twice, edited now to show both.

    Secondly I will say this and then move on as I feel you are not really picking up on what I am trying to get across.

    “i don’t know if it has left or if i still have it feeling”. Thats the invisible feeling i struggle with. I know i no longer suffer from anxiety but my mind gives me this feeling like i’m not sure and i question my very existence or get the feeling i guess. I’m trying to hang in. It’s just hard when your not sure if your fine or not. Thats when i get bluffed into believing something might still be wrong.

    When you are fully back to your old self trust me you wont have to question, you have just got so used to the new you with D.P, that you no longer know what is normal and what is not, you seem to have come a long way, but you are stuck in no mands land, sort of in between the old you and the person with d.p. The message I am trying to got across to you is don’t care if the feeling has left or not, if you feel a sort of invisible cloud over you, then so what, allow this lost feeling, please try to not question or watch how you are feeling 24/7, let it go, it is not important.

    Try to stop questioning your very existence, you have been through so much recently and you are bound to feel lost at times, unsure of yourself, you have to understand this is a totally normal feeling and reaction at the present time and stop questioning it all, whatever you feel take with a pinch of salt. Just because you go for a walk, play with your boy, do everyday things does not mean within a week you will feel o.k, you wont, you may feel lost for a while, but you have to trust in what I say, normal living will in time result in normal feelings, but you have to go with the craziness and lost feeling for a while yet, don’t expect too much too soon and truly allow yourself to abandon to this feeling, once you stop quiestioning it all/worrying about it, trying to make sense of everything you will give your mind the break it craves and also other things will enter your day and give your mind something else to think about.


  346. Jess Says:

    Paul, thanks for your reply. I know i have to keep moving on, and i will… Its just a bit of a yucky process… my brain feels fuzzy at times and i feel like im just living in this wee bubble! maybe a lil bit of d.p. i spose… But awell eh? who cares… this is nothing compared to where i was! This is annoying, and a pest as you say but it is nothing compared to the terror i went through at the beginning. I thought i was losing the plot…. i can sorta laugh at it now ( even though it is still fresh) so what im trying to say is, if i can get through that, i can get through this! This is nothing really…. Time and patience is the key… and getting my life back on track! Finishing my course and getting my passion for life back etc… I got myself into this mess and ill get myself out of it! Its amazing what the condition can do to you, but i believe that ive probaly had this my whole life! I think for somebody of my age i have had to deal with alot more than i should of… and maybe this was a wake up call for me to realise that i have to break the cycle and enjoy the rest of my life to its fullest potential! Just feel a bit low at the mo, and a bit frustrated with myself at times…. but thats ok i let myself feel frustrated i let the frustration be there and keep moving! Its strange when i get those moments of feeling like ‘me’ again i actually realise how wonderful life is, and that actually i had nothing to worry about! and i get this lil burst of happiness! ( strangest feeling but sooo good) so i know im getting better and thats what gets me through today! I see the difference in 2months of applying this acceptance method i could only imagine what im going to be like in 6 months! But thats ok, ive accepted that if i have to live like this forever then im just going to get on with it like you said in your book paul ” anxiety is not going to stop me doing anything in my life anynore” I just know wana focus on the world around me and all the opportunities for happiness that are just sitting there waiting for me! Everyone can i just say no matter what point you are at in recovery, you WILL be ok…. This WILL go away of you follow what paul says! Remember these thoughts and feelings where not the problem it was overreaction to them and obsession with them that wrecked our wee heads! Give yourself a break and forgive yourself…. Wjy don’t you all give yourself a big hug and say ” you know what i love me” get that confidence back in yourselves! Im a work in progress but im getting there!

  347. natalie Says:

    hi guys

  348. natalie Says:

    morning up early today and could not resist coming on site.. just wondered as i been off work now for 8 months they no longer paying ssp.. does anyone know if there are other benefits to claim or should i bite the bullet and go back.. had bad nite last nite and feel really angst today just thinking about it.. hate being scared when nothing to be sscared of but the feelings.. obviusly not at the full accepting stage.. only wish i could focus on other things instxzoead of how i feel all the time lol x also constantly got a ringing in my ears and is this a hard symptom to get rid of .. feel very tired today .. any advise would help
    jess i so understand where you at that is where i am .., i think the low feelings get to me more than the angst now.. but hopefully in time will start to feel good again.. i think the more you focus on a problem the bigger it gets if that makes sense xxxx any help much appreciated guysx

  349. natalie Says:

    ps is acceptance.. that even if you have this all your life you are ok with it ??

  350. lorryt Says:

    hi Natalie

    yes, i guess it is, you cant change it by worrying about it so get on and live your life with it there and dont let it stop you doing anything. it will subside, as mine has, (now just to constant worry !!!!, but im getting through it). have been in a really negative overthinking stage recently as have had a lot to deal with and cant seem to get back on track. A whiel back i got my confidence back i was feeling good enough to stick to a diet, bike riding, walking, horseriding again. It feels like that inner strength has gone again and i have lost my confidence and definately the feeling for anything, its all gone numb. someone even commented at work how miserable i was. Maybe i am being too tough on myself again and expecting to be able to bounce back all the time and i just cant make myself do it. i guess we all go through tough times and we expect too much of ourselves. i started reading the richard carlson book too, made some sense, but i am so all over the place at the mo it just confuses me !!!!.all i want to be able to do is just enjoy life without thinking about it, and stop dwelling and ruminating about things that have happened. my negative thinking is keeping me low, well actually just thinking !!! i’ll figure it out i guess, any advice would really help though xxx

  351. jess Says:

    Hi Everyoyour day,
    Can i just say i had the best day today! I think i might be on to something! lol laughed all day… felt strong…. and im just trucking on! Stick in there. Natalie you should try and get back to work, structure your day feel the fear and do it anyway! I think im going to take a break from the site for a wile and go for it by myself… I think i am ready! Take Care and hang in there… Remember its all about the attitude! Just keep moving…. xxxx

  352. jess Says:

    Hi Everyone,
    Can i just say i had the best day today! I think i might be on to something! lol laughed all day… felt strong…. and im just trucking on! Stick in there. Natalie you should try and get back to work, structure your day feel the fear and do it anyway! I think im going to take a break from the site for a wile and go for it by myself… I think i am ready! Take Care and hang in there… Remember its all about the attitude! Just keep moving…. xxxx

  353. James Says:

    That’s great Jess, well done :)

    Remember not to worry if you have a bad day(s) next though. I have found recovery a very undulating road, and in fact some of my worst days ever have been as I am getting closer to recovery.

    It is always so nice to read here about people improving :)

  354. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Jess you are right it is a yucky process at times no doubt, but you will see changes all the time and the good day you are having today shows that changes are happening, at one time everyday was awful for me, no breaks, so I knew I was on the right track and progressing. Please though be ready for some more bad days, enjoy the good and don’t bother about the bad, sometimes the worst day can come after so many good, accept that. Too many people think they are back to square one on a bad day and recovered on a good, in time though the good will begin to outweigh the bad.

  355. jess Says:

    Hi there,
    I know where you are both coming from, i understand that today is good and that is good and im enjoying it, and i know that bad days may come ahead and im prepared for that…. i know that this isn’t just an overnight thing and i don’t expect it to be…. but im ready and prepared for the road ahead. JUst wanted to post to let people know that this method really does work. I accept that today was a good day, and i accept that there may be bad days ahead. But i am facing it all head on! Paul thanks again for everything…


  356. natalie Says:

    to jess can i just say well done you !!!!! it seems you are there.. that although not fully recovered from all the symptoms you get it .. you want to try and go it alone you trust in yourself.. you deserve it.. i loved your reply to me when i commented on one of your frustration days .. and it meant a lot and i am trying to put into practise what you say. i have read the rc book and it makes sense and have started to just let the negative thought go.. not easy and am tired but it will be hard at first i guess. i will get back to work and trust it maybe hard but in the long run better for me.. my problem is i run the situation in my head and go way into the future where i see myself back to the beginning and get all scared.. this is what i need to ignore and just take it day by day.
    lorry i feel ffor you it seems your husband has affected you and i think you need to step back from him.. there is nothing more you can do .. its no good you both getting bad.. only person that can help him is himself and i think deep down you know this but cos you care you want to fix him.. please just concentrate on you.. rc says your thoughts depress you so see which ones keep repeating and theses are the ones you need to try and start to ignore or at least say to yourself just thoughts.
    candie.. please please please.. how do you deal with stress of the kdis without it setting off your angst
    and paul finally if you get time could you please advise how you handled the lack of emotion towards your partner.. i so want to feel that love again and am just trustin it still there underneath all this


  357. Michelle M Says:


  358. Michelle M Says:

    Hi everyone, the above post was just a test to see if i could leave a message, as my computer wouldn’t log on the other day. Anyways, I hope everyone is well. I have been looking through recent posts & can really relate to some of you. @ Max G & Ross, i know exactly what you mean about the questioning of your exsistence. It’s due to the DP, why we get such thoughts. We just have to try & focus on other things, which i know can be very trying at times. I find that the derealisation can make it harder for me to focus at times. I can also relate to Natalie, with the ringing ears, i have had this annoying symptom since it began this time last year. My advice to Natalie, is try not to think too much about the ringing, it’s a harmless yet annoying symptom of anxiety, & will go in time, when the anxiety eases off. I seem to be doing ok of late, but like i have mentioned before, I have ok days & then bad ones. Like the other day i had woke up after a good nights sleep, which i haven’t had in ages, & felt really empty, hard to explain but like i my soul had been taken, if that makes sense. I had a cry & carried on with my chores, then all of a sudden out of no where, i had a massive anxiety attack, I felt lost confused, my mind was racing ten to the dozen, had really bad DP & DR. It was awful! I just can’t help questioning, as to why i still get days like this, it’s like how i felt in the beginning at times. Can anyone relate to this? It’s putting an immense strain on my relationship, as my partner, can not understand, how i can be feeling this way for so long. He somtimes put’s me down, when we’re in the middle of an argument, & calls me a freak! Does me no favours for my confidence. Like i have mentioned before, I have had bouts of this before in my life, 3 times to be exact & it went away, after 7 months or so. But this time around, it has come back with such force it’s scary to say the least. Today i’m feeling quite anxious, have that churning feeling in my stomach & I didn’t sleep too well either :(. Sorry to be going on, but having anxiety, does make me feel very isolated at times, as friends & family really don’t understand.

  359. rosemary Says:

    Max G

    How long have you had anxiety? I have had it for 3 years but only found pauls book around 3 or 4 months ago. I keep doing all the things I want to do and its really hard sometimes. I wonder how long we have to keep trying to live normally until we get back to being the old us.

  360. marc Says:

    hey guys(scarlet,ross,max g,rosemary,anybody!)

    just wondering has anybody ever experienced this before- when i was asleep this morning, in my dream everything felt so real and when i woke up it was like i didnt know whether i was still dreaming or awake, and it was kind of like i couldnt get my berrings together and i started trembling and was really scared!!! kind of like i was scared that from now on im going to be ”zoned out” and wont be able to make sense of anything…. is this normal with anxiety/d.p guys???? and when im thinking about it now i am getting scared and it does feel like i am going to ”zone out” and its scaring the living crap out of me! :( any advice would be great guys! id really appreciate it if someone who has experienced this before can re-assure me!
    also guys id like to add i was out thursday night and got quite drunk and ended up falling over a couple of times and bumping my head! i dont think this has anything to do with how i feel, but im worrying that it is due to the bang to the head! iv been saying to myself that if it was something serious id know by now like-not remembering what happened, losing my balance, not knowing what day of the week it is etc… but its nothing like that! just a bit of a headache since it happened! but just to be on the safe side im going to head down to the doctor tomorrow just to get checked out!
    But its just this feeling like i am going to ”zone out” and that im not going to be aware of whats going on around me, or that im just going to start talking nonsense and not making any sense(in other words going mad, or breaking down or whatever) is scaring the hell out of me and im shivering! i have had anxiety and d.p for quite some time now but iv never felt this scared, and strange like i was going to ”zone out” or ”blackout” or whatever! hope to get a reply soon guys!

  361. Max G Says:

    @ Marc

    Your nerves are tired and went into overdrive from over panicking. I had that feeling one time when i was taking photos in a department store with my family. I got this real unreal feeling but felt like i could faint at any moment and i was extremely weak, nervous and thought my brain would fall out of my skull any moment.

    Let that feeling pass. Only way to get over it and drink some water you may be dehydrated as well.

    @ rosemary

    6 months now. Trapped between wondering whether i’m fine or not so i’m unsure.

  362. ross Says:

    Just want to say a big thank you to Paul.

    You’ve helped so many people and kindly take your time out to help us, genuinely down to earth and an amazing guy.

    cheers paul

  363. candie Says:

    Marc honestly you are over reacting to a normal thing! Before anxiety i would have nightmares, or good dreams etc and wake up feeling all the emotions to the dreams and it would last a good few hours. Sometimes id also dream things and for a split second wonder if it had happened!

  364. Josh Says:

    Hi everyone. I could use some feedback on a message i wrote a few days ago. I think I was looked over.

  365. Max G Says:

    @ Josh

    Your experiencing minor dr/dp symptoms. Try not to stress. My advice would be to do some things you would normally like to do and keep your mind occupied. Maybe some exercise or listen to your favorite music and hang out with some good company (Friends).

  366. James Says:

    Josh, don’t worry about the dizziness and jumpy vision. I have had those exact same symptoms, and it is just that your anxiety is heightened. I sometimes have had it so bad that I cannot walk in a straight line at all, and get nauseous from the dizziness. In fact I had it last Friday at work, and had to go sit down in the toilet for a few minutes just to let it fade a bit.

    As your anxiety diminishes, these symptoms will too.

    Obviously if it gets really bad and concerns you greatly, you could always check it with a doctor. However, I would try not worrying about it first.

  367. Andre Says:

    Josh i suffered too with these symptoms, maybe not so hard, but even now, when i almost recovered, sometimes have too, especially when i’m really tired and exhausted, but i’m not concerned at all, because i know no harm will come to me, and soon or late will fade. You have to embrace this attitude. This is a normal body reaction even for persons who are not suffering with anxiety.

  368. Andre Says:

    Rosemary, give it one another year, and you will be truely back yourself again! I found this site about 1.5 year ago suffering very badly with anxiety, and now i can honestly say i’m almost recovered. Patience is the key factor!

  369. Josh Says:

    Thanks alot everyone. The dizzyness is the hardest to deal with for me. DP and the shock feelings I’ve kind of gotten used to but the second I get dizzy I’m like “OH CRAP!” Its kind of funny, I love roller coasters and boats and everything that moves but the second I get dizzy thats when my mind starts going. Then my eyes jump harder and It just gets frustrating. I like the idea of sitting on the toilet for a few minutes at work, James. When things get slow and I have nothing to do thats when I notice it the most and I feel I have to get away. Thanks for the boost guys.

  370. Max G Says:

    @ Anyone

    Have any of you ever got that feeling like your thinking about something but your really not? (Hard to describe, and this feeling of thought is related to anxiety of course)


  371. James Says:

    Max, I think you are analysing it all far too much.

    As Paul says, your mind is very worn out from all this thinking, and it is inevitable that there will be numerous sensations as a result. I certainly find that my mind often can’t stop thinking, and that I will latch onto something even when I don’t actively participate in it. It is like I am simply holding on because my mind is in overdrive.

    This blog is useful, but not if you keep coming here to get reassurance on every single new sensation. We can give you that reassurance, but it is only a short-term fix, and your mind will come back with more “what if’s”, and new problems. You have to learn to let there be a degree of uncertainty, but to accept that and carry on anyway. Ultimately there is nothing wrong with you whatsoever, and if you let your mind relax, all these meaningless sensations will fade away, and you will probably forget many of them ever existed.

  372. marc Says:

    hey guys,

    i wrote in my post above that i ended up having a little fall and bumped my head, now im not really a big worrier but do have d.p and all that…..anyways iv had a headache since the bump and im started to worry have i done something, and from this worrying has brought on like a new sensation of strangeness i suppose you could call it! im sure d bump was nothing but is it normal with anxiety/d.p to experience new sensations from worry??

  373. Max G Says:

    @ James

    Let me pose a question to you and see if you can understand this a little better. What happens if i’m completely fine (no problems or anxiety at all) but i’m questioning me really being myself at the same time. No thinking, just i’m really being me in the present but for some reason i’m not sure but sure at the same time (It’s hard to rationalize this).

    I spoke to a therapist and psychologist about this but they said i was being philosophical and assaulting their intelligence. They stated i wasn’t being practical. I almost feel like i’m having trouble reasoning that i’m anxiety free and present (here and now). Anyways i don’t want to get too far off the subject. You’ve been great guys and wish everyone the best of luck and James your right it’s time for me to disappear from this blog now for awhile as Paul and Candie suggested awhile ago as well.

    Max G

  374. natalie Says:

    good morning everyone x
    missing candie being on here but that shows she has not allowed this to take over her life. good luck to max g its hard i know and am sure you will one day understand that you just have to let go xxx easier said that done and something i still struggle with but seeing how well jess has done and
    @andre did you ever suffer really bad on waking. its like i wake then my head starts to ache and all the same thoughts go through my head .. because i wake early 3am and dark try to stay in bed and challenge my thoughts (doing cbt) but seems to make it worse. any sugguestions hard to just get up as have two young children and do not want to wake them. also its like i know what everyone is saying but then i question myself am i doing this right should i challenge the thoughts or just let them be what if i doing it wrong and i have to continue to suffer… iknow i know all wrong any help guys would so be appreciated.. its like my mind has a mind of its own and i cannot get control of it .. i so want to relax it lol wish you could just take it out and let it have a lye in for a few days lol xx

  375. marc Says:

    max g and candie,

    thanks for the reply guys, really appreciate it! just a tad bit worried about this new sensation of weirdness is all!

    marc :)

  376. James Says:

    Max, if you have no anxiety, then you may coming to the wrong place for help! I believe your questioning goes deeper than the realms being dealt with in this blog. I actually have a lot of interest and material on the subject you are discussing (I think), but don’t want to go off main topic here too much.

    If you haven’t already, I would suggest you read something by Eckhart Tolle, and see if anything there resonates with you. I would be happy to provide you with some material, and my thoughts by email if you wanted to give me a means of contacting you.

  377. candie Says:

    Max- you are experiencing philosophical thoughts- braught on by anxiety. You are having an obsession nothing more. I had plenty like that which didnt make me anxious, i wouldnt reccomend echarts work for you as it will make you watch yourself even more. What you want to do is be present in the sense your not thinking about you and just flowing with no inner analysing am i right? By the sounds of it you have a habit caused by your old anxiety habit which is lingering and it will do for a while untill you pay it no attention. You are trying to figure something out and in the process the harder you dig to figure it out the more your attention is on you- its a double ended swored trust me! You do still have anxiety, if you didnt you wouldnt be asking if you did or not.. you would be living without a care in the world anxiety wise- no focus on you or watching your own thinking. Can you see what your doing here, your following your obsessive thoughts. If i had the thought that i didnt know if i was present or not id acknowledge it as anxiety based and know not to try figure it out. Eventually the thought will fade in time and you will automatically become ‘present’. Your focus will become your reality with anxiety im afraid.

  378. Max G Says:

    @ candie

    Yea it’s more like a constant feeling from me questioning so long whether i’m normal or not and no matter what i do i either get this pit in my stomach feeling, tension headache or butterflies in my stomach feeling from me focusing on me being me. I don’t know how to break the habit.

    I try to just do what i normally do but still persists.

    @ james

    I tried to give you my email but i don’t think it’s allowed unfortunately. I would love to talk offline to a few of you though but don’t think i will be able to.


  379. James Says:

    Max, actually candie is right. If you are still having anxiety issues, and by the sounds of it you are, then stick with the program, and don’t add anything new into the mix.

  380. scarlet Says:

    Hi Josh,

    “Hey guys. I’ve been having a problem with dizzyness lately. I feel like I’m drunk all the time ( I’m not). When I walk I constantly feel like I’m going to fall backwards or faint. Sometimes I feel like I’m walking off to the side. I’ve also been having problems with jumpy vision constantly and its driving me crazy. ”

    These symptoms are all NORMAL when suffering anxiety. I had terrible vertigo, felt dizzy and drunk a lot, fell down loads of times as well,.. laugh now that I am recovered. Ignore the sensation and like the others said it will go as well.

  381. Andrew Says:

    Dear All

    Just looking for a pick me up!! Havent written on here for a while, have been trying as Paul advises to let other things in. Have been making very slow progress since the turn of the year when I found this site and got the book, however over the last month or so feel as though my old self was returning, was starting to enjoy doing my old hobbies and forward planning events for next year. Getting breaks from the permanant 24/7 focus on myself and had droppe lots of my safety behaviours, 1 which was to take pauls book to work in my bag every day just in case!

    However over the last 2 days have been hit between the eyes with what can only be a major setback and as I havent had 1 before its frightened me to death, in fact I feel worse than i’ve ever done before. I feel petrified of everything and yesterday could quite easily of walked out of work and in to a+e and asked to be admitted!! I have the physical symptoms, churning stomach and shakey/sweaty hands and feel terified of the future, its horrible!!

    Trying my best to work along side it and give it no respect but its very hard, just after a bit of advise to push me through


  382. James Says:

    Andrew, a very similar thing happened to me the other day. I have had GAD for over 8 years now, but a few weeks ago I started to make my first real progress. Things began to get better, and I felt for the first time ever that I could see myself recovering.

    Then out of the blue, I got struck with 3 days of awful, awful depression. It was horrible, I truly was overwhelmed by it. Then when that passed, I had a couple of days of intense anxiety. I was really knocked back by it, and started going into all my fearful thoughts about permanent damage and that I am a special case etc, etc.

    In the end though, I decided the only way I was going to get better was to ignore it (pay it no mind, as Paul says), and accept it for what it was, and let myself pass through it. It worked, and now I am back on track again. At the time though it felt so dreadful, and with some of the anxiety symptoms I felt ready to go to a&e too!

    So hold on in there, you’re doing great by the sounds of things. These set backs are pretty inevitable I think, but they don’t mean anything. Don’t cause yourself extra stress by fighting to accept it perfectly when it is is this bad. Just do your best, and when it passes (which it will), you will be back on track.


  383. Josh Says:

    You’re right Scarlet. I’m at work right now and earlier this morning I felt a wave of dizzyness and vertigo. I work on cars and as I was underneath one I felt like I was going to fall over everytime I looked up (of course, I never did). I told myself it would go away soon nothing to worry about and after a while it did. I still feel a little wonky but it’s okay. I’m just letting it go and continue to work and everything is okay.Thanks for the advice!

  384. marc Says:


    just wondering did you ever get ridiculous thoughts that popped into your head, like u know they are ridiculous but they still scare the crap out of you???? for example i came back from work today and went into my bedroom and my bed was soaken wet, and i asked my mum and sister do they know how it got wet and they had no idea….so my mind started spiralling absolute nonsense-”oh my god am i being haunted by some spirit?!” ”oh my god am i being possed here?” ”are strange things like this going to keep happening?” and being the total sap i am im wearing my cross and chain here now!!! 😛 haha ridiculous i know but its still scary these nonsense thoughts that pop into our heads when going through anxiety!!! and ya know what didnt come across my mind ”maybe a pipe is leaking and it came through the ceiling and onto the bed”. hope 2 hear back from ya soon scarlet.
    your pal!
    marc :)

  385. marc Says:

    another thing guys(and this is for everyone)

    does anybody experience bad muscle tension and twitching???? everyday i keep getting this bad muscle tension in my back and i start twitching like my back has gone into spasm and my whole body starts trembling!!!! really horrible! :(

  386. Max G Says:

    @ James

    Hey thanks for the earlier advice regarding Eckhart Tolle. I got my hands on a copy of the power of now and alot of the techniques stated in his book are similar to those in Pauls Anxiety Book. Definitely would recommend this book to people who have problems with rumination.

    Had a really good day today overall and will continue to just do the things i normally would do.

    @ Marc

    The more stress and thought you put into the muscle tension, the longer the pain will linger. Just relax and forget about the pain. I would recommend a nice shower, then relax and listen to some of your favorite music. Also drink some water. Water always helps me when i feel any muscle twitching and aching. Just let the muscle spasms be there without giving it any impression. I’m getting some spasms in my leg as i’m typing this. I let them come and go without fail.


  387. James Says:

    Max, I’m glad you like the book. I agree there are many parallels with his teachings and Paul’s book. I guess at the higher levels, life can be seen as quite simple, and the true way to happiness and peace is to approach life without resistance.

  388. natalie Says:

    Candie or Paul
    PLEASE HELP!!!!! having a really bad time,been off work now for 8 months and been told i can no longer have ssp.. means i have to apply through gov and lose my tax credits.. it will mean we will really struggle with money and already my angst is high.. have got to the point where i think maybe i should go back to work although it really scares me..one because last time i tried i was so bad and ended up not going.. plus fact its debt collection and target driven and can be stressful.. some of my family keep telling me not to go back. but before all this i used to love work and enjoyed the challenge. have tried to look for something else but nothing come about and now feel pressured to make a decision. please help cos you know what its like and what best course will be .. part of me thinks just do it .. go back yes it will be hard but just do it and think posiitively eventually it will settle and you will be ok.. its just work and i can still look for something else whilst i there.. cos is i go on govern ssp its not gonna look good for future work. whereas this co willing to take me back and get me back into my role. just thinking about it i feel sick and head achees and all the negative thoughts running through my head. i know you sooo busy and lots of people all wanting your help but a little word would really go a long way. sure you can hear my panic in my email. its so silly its like i scared of my own shadow. and it makes me want to cry that i am like this and i know that is not the way to go xxxx also i have been like this for 20 months now in some ways improved but have struggles with my thoughts and tired mind as you say. but if you constantly having stress how does it ever have time to recover?? candie how long when you went to work did you feel comfortable .. did you have to just think its work annd not get involved with the politics and just concentrate on you and your kids.. i sound like a kid don’t lol its how i feel at the moment.. i think about work then a sinario runs through my mind in which i cannot cope and end up like i was at the beginning… not a good way to go is it x

  389. ross Says:

    Hey Natalie,
    Just like to say hi and i hope your okay, you will get there through time. This anxiety thing is so annoying eh? but we got to remember its just our reaction to our thoughts and feelings nothing else!!

    Remember what Paul said ‘You cant be part of the real world if you dont involve yourself in it’ .

    Im not saying you should go back to work yet entirely up to you but it would definitely help to start getting out and get your focus shifted from anxiety. Debt collection sounds an interesting job, if you enjoyed it before anxiety you can enjoy it again.

    One step at a time Natalie you will get there :)

    You sound like you are living in fear of your symptoms this is exactly what is keeping you in the cycle , nothing bad will happen to you so let go of those feelings and go against them.

    Hope this helps just a tiny bit natalie.

    I’llbe back on here tonight if you want a chat :)

  390. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Natalie calm down :)

    You are just reacting to having some stressful news, your nerves are taught and sensative and you are just feeling the effects of this and it is sending your levels sky high.

    My advice would be to calm down and think rationally. I eventually left my job in my early days and the clever idiots at the benefit office stopped all my payments as anxiety is not something they pay benefits for apparntly, even though I left a very well paid job and had never been out of work since leaving school, it was you have to work or we don’t pay you anything. I explained that at that time I could not work, please trust me on this, I will when I am ready and really want to get back. but they would have none of it and I did not pass their assesment and they declared me fit.

    So firstly take some time out and think of your options, talk with your parents, but give yourself some freedom to do so, say a couple of weeks, don’t hurry around, stressing over it. It really is not worth it and whatever happens things always work out, they did for me. I thought o.k sod them I will think of something else to do when the time is right and in the meantime I had some money put by and started working on an ebay business that paid o.k and also my partner was full time. I then wanted to have a website to sell make up on which is what I was selling at the time, all high end that I sourced from America, so I asked a company a price and they give me a silly amount that I could not afford and thought I will teach myself. Being out of work there was still free courses available. I taught myself pretty much and then others asked if I could build for them and things carried on from there and I pretty much did this for a few extra pounds and the ebay stuff. I then thought about taking my HGV licence when I felt better and looked into that and was all ready to move in this direction when a friend opened up a carpet business and I worked for him.

    What I am trying to say is there are other options, but think about going back to work also. You are setting yourself up to feel bad at the minute by stressing over it. If I decided to go back I would say to myself. O.k it’s time to go back now, I can’t hide for ever, if I feel bad then so be it, I will get through and in time things will improve’ You seem to be still fighting and avoiding which is doing you no good, to take the edge of anxiety and to stop being scared of your own shadow, you need to move towards the things that make you feel this way, that is how feelings dampen. Please don’t expect to sit and wait at home for things to change and one day everything will be o.k.

    You ask

    but if you constantly having stress how does it ever have time to recover??

    Only you can put yourself under stress, again as you are doing now. Just step back and think rationally about the best thing to do, not the easy way out, the best thing to do long term. Also what structure do you have to your day? Take some walks, go swiming, take up a hobby, a class of some sort, don’t hide away and say you can’t, you can Natalie.

    One option could be ‘O.k I will try going back to work and give it a go, nothing to lose, if it becomes too stressful, then I will rethink’ My partner came home the other day saying how stressed she was, overworked, people on her case. I said why let them get to you, just let it go over your head and just do what you can do in a day, they are only people just like you, stop stressing out over it and tell them you are doing your best’ Only one person can stress about things, is every persons option, I have learnt not to’ I would never be off to see my maker and say ‘I wish I had stressed more about things’.

    So Natalie advice is, take time out to think and come to an answer that is best all round. Stop being scared and avoiding a feeling, go towards what makes you feel uneasy. Scarlet once said, if you fear something, do more of it and she is right. Get a good structure to your day, think about excercise, a class or new hobby and don’t think ‘Oh but I can’t’ just do it, things are never as bad as your anxious minds makes you think and the sense of achivement is something you cannot describe.

    Set up a whole new structure to be the person you want to be and really try to learn to go with things and not stress so much.

  391. natalie Says:

    thank you guys sooo much.. feel a lot calmer been swimming with my boys and had tea out, just getting them ready for bed.. have decided to leave it a couple of days then revisit it. i do think in the long run best to go back and i guess i have been waiting till i felt better.. but then when is that?? i will only be doing 16 hours its a little travelling but then that gives me time to unwind and i will do what i can do.. and not feel pressured by targets.. if i feel still not me (after i give it some time) will look again for a job locally that maybe less stress.. then again i making my own stress.. i think i need to learn not to worry .. that in the end it only makes things worse and if you calmer you can see the picture better!!! my main problem is wondering what others will think when i go back.. but then soo wat we all the same and one day they might have this happen to them. your words and simple explaination makes sense to me at the moment and i do need to stop being scared.. for some reason i keep thinking i might be damaging my brain when i get angst cos it aches and goes all tight .. how daft eh lol !!! anyways i will keep you posted and hope that i can come back with more positive posts xxx

  392. candie Says:

    Natalie you wont damage your brain! I get tension headaches with anxiety too, they cant harm you :) Try to smile at the scary thoughts you get, dont figure them out just welcome them in as silly thoughts

  393. Fiona Says:

    Candie or Scarlet….. Baby related question.

    I was pretty much recovered, but after having my baby last week I’m in a a but if a setback. This is not suprising after going through labour and child birth, chronic lack of sleep and all the hormonal changes, every new mother struggles in the

  394. James Says:

    Ugh, OK, I’m afraid I need a pick me up now. I know I shouldn’t be doing this reassurance thing, but as of yesterday I am having a particularly rough time.

    The thing is that I am making good progress in general, and have stopped questioning my sensations. I have had GAD for 8 years now, and in the past couple of months, for the first time I have started to make progress. HOWEVER, in all of those 8 years, I never had any real depression. But in the last 6 months or so, I seem to have developed these bouts of depression. Yesterday, a bout stuck hard, and it is still going on now. I am just so bewildered as to why this is happening? When my GAD was worse, and I was doing everything wrong, I never had these. Why am I now getting this heavy, heavy depression, when things are looking up?

    Whereas I was doing so well accepting my anxiety symptoms, this is just too intense, and I start going into all these worries that maybe there really is something wrong with me. I took a course of roaccutane earlier this year, and I wonder if that did something to me.

    I guess I am sitting around doing less that I did previously, so perhaps that is what is causing it. I do find that these bouts tend to not come up when I am more active, and surrounded by friends. I dunno though, this has really knocked me down when things were going well :(

  395. candie Says:

    Hi Fiona, the exact same happened to me- dont worry about it.. just do as u did before baby was born and you will be fine again in not time :)

  396. Kate Says:

    Hi Fiona

    Congratulations on your new arrival!!! x

  397. candie Says:

    James- quite simply you are not afraid of your other fears now, so one day when you perhaps felt low you reacted with fear.. which led to you been on guard for feeling low and fearing it more- hence why its stuck around. I did the same thing about a year ago, in the end i said so what if i feel depressed im going to let myself feel low and let the feeling be. It went within a few days as i wasnt scared to feel low- can u see a normal person can feel depressed now and again, but an anxious mind can fear it and obsess over it. You have to learn to underreact to the symptoms rather then over react- thats when the memory of them will fade and you will stop feeling them. Heres an example i once read which explains it perfectly.

    Our thoughts determine how we feel, and if we have a major reaction to a certain thought it will be on our mind for a while. This works for both good and bad thoughts, what you have to do is neutralise a thought so that the mind sees it as insignificant then and only then will you stop experiencing the horrible emotions that go with it. We all remember our first love, kiss, birth of our kids etc.. but do we remember the 1000th time we tied our shoes.. no! That is because there is no positive, or negative emotion attatched to the mundane task of tying your shoes! What you have to learn to do is change the reaction to any thought, or symptom from ‘i dont like this, i must escape it’ to ‘come if you wish’ and maybe even mock it. This neutralises the thought/feeling/symptom so eventually after a bit of practice the min will see it as insignificant and you will stop thinking about it. It does take practice but any reaction can be tapered of and the thought that created it can just become fleeting nonsense if you learn to react to it in a differant way. In the case of depression, you have a fear of it- so its what you are focussing on and in turn is playing out in your reality. Learn not to fear it, get up and say if i feel depressed today so what- then mock feeling depressed, this causes you to confront your fears and eventually attach a new emotion- a passive one.

  398. James Says:

    candie, thanks for the reply. I think you are right, I am more sensitive to a bad day now. I just wonder sometimes if my condition is worse than some peoples, because when I am feeling really bad there is simply no way I can accept it, it is just too horrible. Perhaps this is because I get so scared of it so easily though. I used to be convinced that my problem was due to brain damage from drug abuse, and whilst I have overcome that, when I have these awful days, I revert back to this way of thinking again. This condition is so insidious, when I am having a good day I am convinced things are going well and I am on the path and I will recover. Then so easily I can slip into thinking it’s all doom and gloom, and I will never recover.

    My “fear button” is so easily tripped. I guess what you are saying is that I have to desensitise this, so that negative thoughts don’t cause huge downward spirals. I did notice this morning that when I considered my depression as a temporary condition brought on from not keeping myself occupied enough, the fear did leave it and I didn’t feel nearly as bad.

  399. scarlet Says:


    just wondering did you ever get ridiculous thoughts that popped into your head, like u know they are ridiculous but they still scare the crap out of you???? for example i came back from work today and went into my bedroom and my bed was soaken wet, and i asked my mum and sister do they know how it got wet and they had no idea….so my mind started spiralling absolute nonsense-”oh my god am i being haunted by some spirit?!” ”oh my god am i being possed here?” ”are strange things like this going to keep happening?” and being the total sap i am im wearing my cross and chain here now!!! haha ridiculous i know but its still scary these nonsense thoughts that pop into our heads when going through anxiety!!! and ya know what didnt come across my mind ”maybe a pipe is leaking and it came through the ceiling and onto the bed”. hope 2 hear back from ya soon scarlet.
    your pal!

    LOL Marc, funny you should say this, when I was suffering and my little boy was a few months old, I left his box of toys on the floor and went to the school with him to pick my eldest up. When I got back there was a lego piece from the toy box on the floor, and my mind went haywire. In the end I convinced myself that my apt was haunted and that a poltergeist had placed it there, I spent ages trying to think back to whether the piece was there in the first place and I hadn’t noticed it. For ages my mind flitted between, what a load of crap and sh*t, my place is haunted!!!!. I scared myself half to death. What you are going through is normal for anxiety. You are trying to rationalise a thought when you are anxious, thus creating more anxious thoughts. Bet my bottom dollar there’s no ghost… Laugh at the thought and welcome the ghost if you like, this is a sure way for the thought to disappear, and take off your cross 😉

  400. amy Says:


    Congrats!! I was on here a short while back seeking advice about the anxiety I was feeling about trying to have a baby, and you were sooo helpful and encouraging!

    I’m still not pregnant, but about a week and a half ago I took Clomid which is a fertility medicine. Fertility meds really mess with your hormones and in turn can wreak havoc on our minds and bodies! I was doing a lot better with anxiety until I took those meds…while on them I felt soo anxious, panicky, emotional and just plain irritable. Now that they are out of my system, I feel soo much better!

    I haven’t had kids (yet), but I can pretty much promise you that it’s definitely hormonal! My goodness, it’s only been a week. I’m sure you are feeling defeated b/c you were doing so good, but my bet is that after just a little while longer, when everything evens out you will feel muuuch better :) :) :)

    Please keep us posted and just enjoy your sweet baby. Oh, and lack of sleep probably has a HUGE affect on you too. When I don’t get enough sleep, I’m a lot more anxious!! Take care :)

  401. Fiona Says:

    Candie or Scarlet….. Baby related question.

    I was pretty much recovered, but after having my baby last week I’m in a a but if a setback. This is not suprising after going through labour and child birth, chronic lack of sleep and all the hormonal changes, every new mother struggles in the first few weeks but I just wanted some idea about your experiences and how to keep myself moving forward.
    Fi xx

  402. Fiona Says:

    Was posting from my iPhone and it crashed hence the half message! Thanks for advice xx

  403. scarlet Says:



    Sounds like hormones to me. After the first few days it’s normal to get a dip in mood, this will settle hun no worries about that.

    My suggestions would be to get your OH to help out with the night time routine a bit, and sleep when your baby does. If you get irrational thoughts, dismiss them as rubbish, and if you feel a bit down, know this is normal and it will pass. Having a baby changes you, and you now have responsibilities that you didn’t have before, so it’s normal to feel anxious and no doubt your protective instincts are in overdrive. The sooner you get yourself into a routine, the easier it will feel both physically and mentally. Also make sure you get out and about once a day even if it’s just to the corner shop. Get your baby in a sling/pram and go for a half hour walk no matter what the weather, make sure this is part of your routine during the day. Don’t refuse any help from family and friends in the first month and mingle with as many folks as you can, perhaps join a local baby group. Above all know that you are NOT alone and any feelings you have now will pass soon.


  404. Mark R Says:

    Hi all,

    I had a real rough two days so I thought I’d post (I know this is naughty of me).

    Basically been suffering for 7 months or so now and things are starting to even out. Work are giving me a hard time at the moment, moaning about my lack of concentration and time it takes me to complete jobs etc. I explained to them that I am doing my best in my present state. My boss also stated that what I am going through should be kept to myself and not be telling anyone else. I stuck up for myself and said it is my business who I tell, not his and I am not ashamed of the way I feel. This sent me into a negative spiral yesterday and I didnt even leave my room last night, I was supposed to go out for a friends leaving do at work but couldn’t face it.

    Although I had been doing really well, no meds and no professional help I am back feeling crap again. There are some days where I genuinely dont give a stuff how I feel and can live alongside it and sometimes even when its not there. I dont feel really anxious, just have an edgy feel which obviously bothers me.

    Another thing that bothers me is that I have suffered my 3rd bout in 9 years………I seem to have bouts of anxiety/depression for 18 months to 2 years at a time in between periods of being well of the same length of time. I just dont really want a life of this pattern, as that is half of my life of poor health.

    I am also going through a career change at the moment and have noticed that my anxiety always starts due to a massive change in my life……ie when I am bored of my job and need a new one. I am starting my own business which I hope to build up over a 3 year period and keep my current job (although I do not like it) to keep the money coming in.

    When I changed my job in the past or went back to work I recovered. What I dont want is to suffer for 3 years until I can get my business up and running. I have been reading and am a fan of Richard Carlson, who says even if you change external things you still wont find happiness. This can only exist in yourself, when you find your own internal peace with healthy psychological functioning. At the moment I feel so far away from this……….the only time I ever feel really at peace is the last two hours of the night when watching a dvd or a film.

    What I am really asking is has anyone recovered by sticking to their guns and not making massive changes in their life?

  405. Kim Says:

    hey everyone,
    I’ve posted on here a couple of times since i first found out about the site – which was about 2 years ago. i had been anxiety free for about a year until recently. i don’t understand why, nothing particularly stressful has happened to me recently, but i had a panic attack for the first time in ages, and obviously everything has been a downwards spiral since then.

    I don’t know why, but i feel i’ve brought this on myself as i seem to associate winter and christmas as a time where I’m very down and susceptible to feeling low. all the disturbing thoughts have come racing back – worse than ever i feel. I’m absolutely terrified of going mad…. even a mention of someone being mentally ill makes me panic, and think I’m going to end up that way.

    I feel i just cant escape from negative thinking……. starting to question silly things such as “am i doing enough with my life?” “is my life exciting enough?” “what if my boyfriend breaks up with me? I’m going to go back into anxiety and depression and end up mad” it’s getting me soso down at the moment, i even have moments where i think i’ve truly gone mad, and even start to question whether it even is anxiety anymore. I wanted to post partly to vent and get things off my chest a bit, but if anyone could reply it would be really helpful and comfort to me.

    Thanks, Kim.

  406. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    New post next week somtime :)

  407. natalie Says:

    hi paul

    thanks again for your post last week helped calm me down. things settled down a bit and i know i need to start gettin more involved in outside things. i do go gym and stuff with the boys and see some of my friends.. but i find myself with a lot of time on my hands that i try to fill. liked today its sunday raining and cold my hubby off on a course later today and we have had dinner and just chilling watching a film but i feel like i must keep busy then i think but i would normally do this anyways.. wats the best course .. maybe just do what i would and leave it at that surely i do not have to be going out doing stuff everyday??? x

  408. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Simple answer is to do what you would normally do, if you want to relax and watch a film or whatever, then do so as long as it is because you want and not to hide away.

    I got fit and it was great for me and give me a new focus to my life, but I did it for me, not to get rid of anxiety. At first I did it the other way around and went for a run because of how it would make me feel, running to rid if you like, so on the run i would be thinking how good I would feel when I got home, get home and watch for how i felt, being dissapointed if i did not feel great etc, etc.

    My whole life revolved on feeling better, then I thought ‘I am going to get fit for me and not to ease anxiety, I wont wait to feel good to do something, ‘if I want to do it I will, anxiety of not’. Before I would make excuses not to go places.

    You just have to live the life you want and the rest will catch up, but there is no need to run around trying to keep busy.


  409. Jess H Says:

    hi Kim havnt been on here for a while as have been doing well and feeling completley anxiety free and very relaxed. I though have had in the last two days a small setback. I would just like to say to you dont worry, what you are experiencing is completley normal and is just habit. The panic of the attack has probably set you back but that is not a problem, just realise your attack is just a release of adrenelin needing to get and yours did it that way. Smile!!!!!!! This set back will go just like your last bout of anxiety did, habit in our minds are hard to break i am finding that now. My advise to you which i find god is try to focus on other things, get on the internet, search for holidays, pick up a book or have a little dance to music, find someone to have a conversation and it will soon subside. I promise this will go again for you just dont show it you are bothered live alongside it and know that you have recovered from this before and can again.

    In regards to your thoughts you are not alone in these i had these so bad around 2 months ago and still occassionly they pop up, mine are more of what is life about, will i have a good life, then i end up feeling dreadful but i am definalty trying to work on this too. Its all about acceptance and patience. Oh and Kim, you are definalty not going mad that is another one that got me, anxiety can and will make us think things that are silly so dont be pulled in by it, I prom ise you are not mad, it’s just a tired mind.

    Keep smiling sweet, your friend,

    Jess xxx

  410. Kim Says:

    Hi Jess,
    Thanks for such a lovely reply. i think part of me knows this is anxiety because I’ve been through it before – but new thoughts are popping up and fooling me. The thought of going mad truly scares me! This is the thought i really have trouble not reacting to. i feel i’m too emotional and i can’t deal with things…..and then start worrying “what if something truly horrible happened in my life….i would never be able to deal with it!”

    At times i feel absolutely fine, but then i’ll have the odd negative thought about something – then everything else seems truly daunting! Hopefully this setback is just part of me recovering fully :) Thanks so much for taking the time to reply,

    Kim x

  411. Jess H Says:

    Your welcome kim……. yes i no that feeling all to well sweet, definatly the what if something bad happens how will i cope. i try to let this pass, and i no how u feel in regards to the going mad and strange thoughts, mine were mainly with suicide something which really scared me as i would never do that but hey i guess thats what anxiety does to us.

    i wish you well and will speak to you here soon. Keep smiling….

    Jess xxxxx

  412. ross Says:

    aaagghhhh hate this,

    was feeling good but decided 2 have a sunday 2 myself 2day and just chill but bam everythin hits me as hard as ever. didnt even feel real got me so down :(

    suppose i should be out and about and not givin myself time 2 think eh but you cant do that everyday, (this is without drinking last night 2) sundays r always my worst days

  413. Wayne Says:

    Good day!

    I had a great time at Disney and I am dealing with my fear of heights I have developed over the last few months. I can’t even drive over bridges with water underneath but I was fine on the plane and on the rides. I even had to pull over on the way to the airport when I saw a bridge going over water and have someone else drive. I know this is avoiding but my kids were in the car.

    Something I have started doing over the last few weeks when a negative thought enters my head is I say to myself “back to center” which means for me to gather my thoughts. This has helped me stop the negative thought from progressing further and getting out of control.

    Is this avoiding?

  414. Jess H Says:

    hi scarlet, candie anyone…..

    i just have a few questions that i am struggling with at the mo, recently i have been feeling really good and i would say completely axiety free, until a small setback a couple of days ago, today I have felt really flat, this is about the best i could explain, then horrible thoughts again which i havnt had in so long, is this normal for a setback????? I find each setback is definatly not as strong as the last but still grabs me, how do you manage this???

    I am also wondering whether this is the last part aswell, did anyone kinda when they have good days weeks, months question whether you know whether you actually feel free of anxiety, i know its strange but i kinda sometimes think i would rather have this strange feeling than not as it is something i am used to and can control my feelings thoughts etc and when i dont have it i wonder if this is a normal feeling again, hard to describe and i hope people understand what i mean, but then there are days i can go without even thinking about it and i am so outward, then i think to myself, wow havnt had that strange feelin g in a while, then WHAM slaps me in the face again. Sorry if its hard to understand any advice would be great as been feeling very inward and flat today……

    Thank you, Jess xxx

  415. Mark R Says:


    Sorry to be a pain but could one of the recoverers please have a look at my post above.

    As I mentioned before that I am in my 3rd bout of anxiety (into about 8th month). My recovery periods last about 2 years at a time. Has anyone who suffered before noticed that theire recovery periods get shorter each time or stay the same?



  416. ross Says:

    Jess know exactly wat u mean about feeling great then all of a sudden u think ‘i’ve not had the weird feeling’ then u get it. its as if we LOOK for symptoms eh??

    i had that yesterday i just think its a habit we will get rid of in time :)

  417. Eric Eckenrode Says:

    Paul, scarlett, anyone:

    I need help. I have had this condition for 15 years. It came over me like a brick one night before falling to sleep. Immediate feelings of intense fear and doom, like i was transferred into a different universe. Ever since that night i have never been able to act/feel/think the same. Just the thought of having this condition and all the feelings/thoughts that I have to deal with on a minute to minute basis fills me with complete dread, hoplesness, helplessness. Every thought i have is clouded with this feeling of utter doom. I don’t enjoy anything, i can’t get the ambition to do anything, because all I do is think of how I have felt this way for so long. I cry about it several times a day. I can’t enjoy the little things because it all comes back to this feeling. I can go and do something, the whole time thinking what is the point i will think about how awful I will feel later on that night. Even if i were to get a moment or so of feeling good, it doesn’t matter because I will have to come back to me, and know that I still have to deal with these feelings/thoughts. I think about how this is going to ruin my life. My family that I am letting down, because i just can’t do the everyday normal things with them, because it is clouded with this feeling of doom. the thoughts of unreality come every day, all throughout the day. I look at my sweet innocent little 6 year old daughter and can’t understand why I can’t just be happy. Then I will get feelings of unbelievable sadness for her, I will look at pictures she drew through the day, or think about things we did, and just feel utterly depressed that I did not enjoy them, nor will i ever. She deserves a father who enjoys her and can teach her and mold her, and I know that I will never be that person, because all I do is worry about how i feel. I feel like i am doomed, and no matter what i try, it won’t matter because now that I know this feeling I will never be able to just live and function normally. I feel that I am trapped with this feeling forever and will never truly enjoy inner peace or happiness again. It’s like i can’t escape my mind, im a prisoner to myself. It’s like i felt like this last week, i felt like this last month, i felt like this last year, so what makes me think anything will change by just accepting it and doing nothing. I was on medication for it and it seemed to maybe take the edge off of some of the feelings, but never really made me feel like the old me. When i get the thought that i have felt this awful for so long, and that there is no sign of light at the end of the tunnell, it is the most awful, gross, depression, helpless feeling. I don’t know how i have dealt with it for so long, and don’t think that I can handle much more of feeling this way. Then I will think, i will have to end my life, to end the feeling, and i want to live more than anything. how could i do this to my children, leave them without a father. It seems to me that if i have this ultimate thought maybe i need to be committed, and that i have a serious mental illness, why else would i get to that point of thinking. I have been practicing these techniques for 4 months and nothing has changed, nor does it look like it ever will. How do I go about my day, with these thoughts/feelings coming seemingly every other minute, and not worry about them, because they are so irrationial/nonsensical but yet they are so powerful and real. Just thinking of having to deal with these for another second throws me into utter despair and helplessness knowing that it will never get any better. I want to love my life, not fear it, analysing every thought and action I do. Please help.


  418. Jess Says:

    Just keep at it girl, you are doing well. This over obsession about how you feel, is still part of the condition we will be completely anxiety free when we do not care anymore about how we feel. Just keep moving and try not to worry about these thoughts! Laugh at them… Remember they are JUST thoughts! Try to strip these thoughts of their power… Paul said when he used to get a stange thought he would say to himself ” what the heck?” and try and laugh it off! lol Ive been using this line and it helps!
    Had a great weekend away with the girls! Life is good uno… this is just a rough past we are going through! It will make us stronger in the end! Just keep moving jess, you are doing soooo well! and what you are going through is soo normal, but just don’t obsess about it! Just shrug it off, and say what the heck? lol.

    We will all be alright!


  419. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Eric I will be blunt with you here.

    Your story perfectly mirrors mine and if I had not changed my attitude, wised up if you like I would still be stuck in the same dreadful hole you find yourself in. Trust me I was all you explain and more and did not think I could take another minute of feeling this way. What you have is D.P no doubt about that, anxiety I could handle to a degree, but the D.P robbed me of everything, I was a walking shell who could enjoy nothing, my mind was truly exhausted. I will tell you now that to recover I had to understand why these feelings were there. (you must have read an explanation on my main site and links to D.P on this blog) I then had to decide to just live alongside these feelings without question, that meant if I had to look at my own daughter and it felt unreal and detached, then that was fine, I understood I would feel this way, if I felt lost and disconnected out with friends, if I felt so utterly depressed and hopeless, then that was fine also, it was awful, but it was normal in the circumstances so may aswell soilder on. The only way you will ever come through this is to stop caring, to stop watching, to stop anaylsing how you feel daily, to accept how you feel without question, to go everywhere and do everything without feeling emotion, without enjoying it, but keep doing it anyway with little or no self pity.

    You have never lived along side these feelings, not for one minute, your post is full of self pity, worry, watching yourself, analysing things, wishing it all away, trying this and that to get rid of it, when the only answer is to finally admit defeat and live along side it, HOWEVER you feel.

    Look at your statements below:

    I don’t enjoy anything, i can’t get the ambition to do anything, because all I do is think of how I have felt this way for so long.

    You can do anything you want, your attitude towards how you are feeling is stopping you. I had to bloody drag myself out at times, but no way was this feeling winning, the more normal living I packed in the better I began to feel. Stop thinking how long you have had this feeling, feeling sorry for yourself, again you have decided not to accept this is you for the time being and are just filling yourself with self pity. If you came out of hospital with anything else wrong with you, say a broken foot and just punished yourself each day about how you felt, you would feel lost and depressed, nothing else would enter your day apart from how you were feeling and getting yourself more and more down about it.

    I can’t enjoy the little things because it all comes back to this feeling. I can go and do something, the whole time thinking what is the point i will think about how awful I will feel later on that night.

    Again you are not listening when I have explained things before, everything I have said, everything others have said, you are doing the opposite. ‘What’s the point, I will feel bad later’, Thinking about you and how you feel 24/7 is keeping you in the cycle, please, please listen and take on board what I am saying. You are bound to stay in the cycle and feel worse with this attitude, all day long pounding your tired mind with worry and self pity, getting more and more a feeling of detachment because all you think and care about is how you are feeling, you MUST begin to change this habit, but that starts with you, please don’t think you can wish and moan it away and one day will be fine or skip past advice on here waiting for someone to come up with that miracle to make it all go away.

    Eric I only speak harsh to get my point across, you have been here a long time and seen the advice first hand, I can only advise, I can’t make you take it on board and implement it. I am telling you now that I felt as bad and probably worse than you and today I feel totally my old self, life is so rich again, but only because for 10 years I did what you are doing now and getting nowhere but worse, to doing what I advise above. And yes it was bloody awful at times and many times I did not want to be certain places and feel no happiness, but I looked at the long term picture instead of feeling sorry for myself each day and wishing it all away.

    She deserves a father who enjoys her and can teach her and mold her, and I know that I will never be that person, because all I do is worry about how i feel.

    Again worry, worry, worry, you will be that person one day if you stop this learnt behaviour, look at her and think, one day daddy will be back. You are putting so much pressure on yourself to be a certain person. STOP doing this and today accept that you have D.P, it is caused by worry, deep thinking, self pity, your mind is protecting you from all this, it can’t take it all, it was not designed to, so like a safety switch it shuts down to protect itself, so you can just function. This is why you feel so one dimensional, lost, detached, emotionless. That is the only reason, your mind is just waiting for a break so it can release that switch, trust me Eric on this I know, it worked for me, I still had to live alongside these feelings for a long time, but I just felt better and better, had an hour of normality, then a day, then a week, then down to the odd bad day, but I truly did not care, yes it was awful when it returned, but I knew it was only a matter of time.

    I feel that I am trapped with this feeling forever and will never truly enjoy inner peace or happiness again. It’s like i can’t escape my mind, im a prisoner to myself. It’s like i felt like this last week, i felt like this last month, i felt like this last year, so what makes me think anything will change by just accepting it and doing nothing.

    Again you have ignored the advice on here and not even tried, it, you have had it for days, weeks, years because you are doing everything you should not and have not even tried a different approach. If something is making you feel worse, then try the opposite. You will never escape your mind if you keep watching yourself, worrying about it, tuning in to how you feel, counting the years, days and months. You feel so trapped because you have not allowed anything else into your day but you, you are only concerned about you, is it any wonder you feel so trapped in your own mind?

    How do I go about my day, with these thoughts/feelings coming seemingly every other minute, and not worry about them, because they are so irrationial/nonsensical but yet they are so powerful and real. Just thinking of having to deal with these for another second throws me into utter despair and helplessness knowing that it will never get any better. I want to love my life, not fear it, analysing every thought and action I do. Please help.

    You go about your day not through gritted teeth, but a sense of abandonment, just allow yourself for one day to feel this way. It is not non sensical why you continue to feel this way as i have explained. Eric again without meaning to be harsh, you have posted here in the past, people have advised and you have just come back with the same or similar question, it is like you want the quick fix, not the longer road that will see you home, so you just dismiss what you don’t want to hear and that might take some time or effort and come back for some miracle advice that will make it better today.

    Please don’t let me waste these words, if you want some peace in the future then please, please take it on board, if you want the quick easy answer, then sorry but you will ocntinue to stay in the cycle and get nowhere. This does not come from me reading a book, this comes from me coming through this condition, I know and speak with some very knowlegeable people on the subject, a couple who have come through D.P and we all came through the same way. One person who is well known and respected said to me ‘Paul it began to fade the day I no longer cared about it’.

    You think it will never go because you have had it so long, not understanding that you have been feeding it and never given your mind a chance to recover. It would say ‘I will click the safety switch off when you stop worrying Eric, I can’t do this whilst you spend every day worrying and obsessing about it, the very thing I am protecting against’. You may find your mind revert back to you in the early days, through habit, but it’s fine just keep to the same path and at first it maybe odd to change a habit after so long, but trust me in time this habit will become you.

    Again it is the broken leg scenario, I have been hitting my broken leg each day with a hammer and it is still broken, it will only repair itself when you stop hitting it.


  420. Kate Says:

    What a fantastic post Paul. The time and effort you put into this site is fantastic – thank you!

  421. James Says:

    Yes I would like to echo what Kate just said, thanks Paul.

    This Q & A between Eric and Paul just now sums up so well how every anxiety sufferer has to adjust their perspective to recover. I know that this is exactly how I felt at first, but with this advice Paul has just outlined, I am now on the path :)

  422. scarlet Says:

    well said Paul x

  423. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Thanks Kate/James and Scarlet, but I do need a kick up the backside myself in checking over posts once posted. Seems I had some crumb under my ‘O’ button on my laptop and the whole post was missing them.

    All sorted to read properly now, but note to self ‘Always re-read post for errors before posting’ :)

    Also Eric I can’t speak for Scarlet, but she has been there and come through and I am sure like myself had a big shift in attitude and way of thinking to finally start seeing the old her once again. A lot of her posts are very well put and someone you know has been there and now found so much more peace. We are still there buried underneath symptoms, we just need to stop out of the way and stop hindering recovery.

  424. James Says:

    Eric, you can be assured that regardless of how long you have suffered, you can absolutely recover. It is the fear that you won’t ever get better that is perpetuating your condition. There is nothing physically wrong with you, it is all psychological, and it is purely from a tired mind desperately trying to figure a way out of your inner hell. You have to accept that you cannot fix this, but the situation will fix itself when given a chance. It really is that simple, and yet I know first-hand it can also be very difficult.

  425. Jess h Says:

    Wow great post Paul , eric you really must take on board what has been explained to you if anyone can tell you and offer his advice it’s Paul !!! It’s not gonna be easy but surely trying anything is better than how u are feeling now!! You will get there eric just believe in yourself now and try not to get over consumed in thought no matter how strange u feel go out go swimming take ur daughter out and see your surroundings live along side it! It’s u for now not forever!!!! I have also seen dp and anxiety first hand through my twin sister and she has come ten folds from how she was!! Jess and Ross thank you so much for the reply means alot!! Guess I am still obsessing over the thoughts when they come back!! Jess keep me posted on how ur doing as ur posts always help and give me a boost take care your friend jess x x

  426. ross Says:

    i think somethin just clicked readin pauls post 2 james :)

    how can we give our mind the rest it needs if we care about what we think/feel??

    I feel alot more positive now , nothing will happen 2 me if i let go and just let everything be there , the only thing that will happen is RECOVERY :)

    i dont care about anxiety!! its just a feeling and to be honest its a load of rubbish with its stupid tricks eh?? i’ll let it hae its way with me but i’ll be the one smiling in the end :)

  427. Bev Says:

    Hi Everyone,

    I have just started reading this site and as most people on here it feels good to know that you are not alone.

    I have only been suffering with anxiety for a few months, but it’s hit me really hard. The power it has over me is affecting every aspect of my life. I am so scared of losing who I am and in turn ruining all that I have worked so hard for. I currently live with my VERY supportive boyfriend but I feel so bad for him, this isn’t easy to see me in such a way and then to be so helpless. Without him I wouldn’t have got this far, but I also don’t want to be dependent on him. On anyone

    For me many of my friends and family members suffer with this too, but this does not help me at all. I find it harder as I find myself taking on many of their attributes as well as my own. This as you will see makes this 100 times worse.
    I want so much to for this to ease up, but I feel as though it follows me around, good days don’t exist.

    I guess for me writing this I would like some advice, or even more so happy news that this does go away and that who I am in not who I will be forever.


  428. Claire Says:

    Hi Everyone,

    I’m Claire, I’m 27 and have had anxiety and everything that comes with it since I was about 7 years old, had counselling and medications along the way!

    I’m new to this site and came across it whilst trying to find a quick cure to rid me of my terrible anxiety and thoughts!! Obviously there isn’t anything like that, No magic cure or magic pill to make it all go away.

    I got Pauls book the other week and have finished it and I must say Paul you hit the nail on the head with every single thing!! Thank you sooo much for making me understand the whole thing.

    I have good days and bad days and when I do get a bad day it just makes me think,’well I know I can feel better, I just have to let it come and go.’

    The thoughts are what bother me the most, sometimes I can think of them and they don’t bother me but at other times I let them get to me but its all my own doing!!

    Slowly but surely I know I’ll get there and if I suffer a blip, so what! Bring it on!!

    Thank you Paul

    Take care everyone xx

  429. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Eric I have deleted your last 2 posts and truly think that the message on here then is not for you, again you are asking questions that have been answered many times before and above. If you can’t find the answers you want here then maybe it is time for you to move on as we are just going around in circles here and I spent a lot of time replying to you earlier in a final hope that things would sink in, but again it seems wasted and that is dissapointing and I can do no more.

  430. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Welcome Clare, great attitude to begin with by the way, it will help you so much in the future :)

  431. Eric Eckenrode Says:

    I didn’t want to offend you paul, I sincerely see this method as the right way I am just frustrated by this condition and it makes me feel so hopeless. I will continue to use these methods for as long as it takes to overcome this. Once again, i think the world of what you do to help people and truly admire it.


  432. jess Says:

    There we go Jess you hit the nail on the head! you will be fine love, my good days are starting to outweigh my bad so im living proof that acceptance is the key, the fight is the problem! We are literally fighting a worthless battle… These thoughts do not have to be answered or analysed! Just let them float by, and im telling you 5 mins later you won’t even remember what the thought was… lol… Laugh at them!

    Its funny, im doing an assignment right now on anxiety and depression ( student nurse) and my lecturer thinks ive been studying all weekend coz im full of info! Ya see every cloud has a silver lining my friends! Chin up, the wonderful worlds is out there, lets get out and live it!

    Your Irish Friend


    P.s. will keep in touch Jess! and you also….

  433. clara Says:

    thank you paul once again your information is invaluable you always make me feel so much better!
    have battled with anxiety for over 3yrs now and i have more great days then bad but today is a bad day and ive found myself trying to fight it
    so nice to come here and read this

  434. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Eric you are not offending me at all, I am just saying that I can’t get through and this is frustrating for me.

    There was a man from Finland (Tarmo) who came here in the same hole as you a couple of years ago, he still posts on rare occasions and tells us how well he is doing, he was in exactly the same place as you and came through. I asked him a few weeks back if he would allow me to put his personal account of recovery in my book, he agreed without question. That story came through the advice on here, it is exactly the advice I am giving you and I will email it to you in the hope it helps you.

    The posts that were deleted is because you just went over old ground and it was futile answering again.

    You asked again why you feel so lost and gray etc and I keep explaining this many times and check out the link on my main site and to the right of the page here under depersnalisation. You say you have done what I ask, gone with it, accepted it, when your posts states you truly have not, more you have done the exact opposite. You stated depression is a chemical imbalance and there for this wont help you. Depression can be present due to a chemical imbalance in people without anxiety. I certainly rarely get depressed, but I did in my years of D.P and it was through all the D.P/anxiety, it just drains you physically and emotionally, it depletes so much energy, esp with all the self pity and frustration. I was very depressed at the time and it was to do with what I was going through and not some imbalance that was present before my anxiety/d.p came along.

    What you really need to do is follow what I say, read Tarmo’s story and then forget about recovery and just live your life and recovery will creep up on you, you may just begin to notice slight changes, but don’t demand progress, don’t watch out for it, don’t check how long has passed, think you should feel better, wonder when you will. Just drop all that side of it and live, this will be a massive shift in your attention to the world around you, instead of you, which is what you truly need at this point.

  435. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Clara says: have battled with anxiety for over 3yrs now and i have more great days then bad but today is a bad day and ive found myself trying to fight it so nice to come here and read this

    Never battle with it Clara, learn to see it as a mate instead of an enemy, an annoying mate I grant you, but learn to be o.k with it. Bad days are fine and all part and parcel of recovery. Funny as when my attitude was spot on, I actually did not mind the bad days, it was a chance for me to show how much I no longer cared. I would come through a couple of days later and feel good again and say ‘Phew that was a cuple of tough days’ but at the time they were just a nuscience and certainly did not have me trying to change them.

    Now if I have flu, I don’t say ‘Yuck right how can I get rid of this flu?’ and spend a wasted day trying, no I can’t ‘so yes it’s yuck but hey ho it will pass, can’t do anything about it’. That’s the exact attitude you need to build

  436. James Says:

    I feel like I am right road, but I clearly haven’t accepted fully. There are times when I am fully accepted, and just like you said Paul, I don’t even care about the bad days then. I just accept that this is how I am for the time being, and it will disappear when it is ready.

    However, I seem to have to keep reminding myself, and reassuring myself to achieve this state. If I don’t, I keep reverting back to tensing up and being scared. I guess I must still fear something about it. For years I just had anxiety, and no real depression (perhaps just a bit of a low mood from feeling so anxious all the time – but no proper depression). Now when I feel some heavy depression start to kick in, I think it does scare me, because I wonder what has changed? I am accepting the anxiety, but now something else seems to be causing depression? I think I fear that the anxiety will go, but I will still be left with depression, and the depression is really, really horrible.

    Last night I felt one of the most relaxed I have in years. I 100% accepted how I felt and my body just seemed to let go, and I just didn’t care about my DP or other symptoms as I KNEW I was going to be alright in time. That continued to lunchtime today, and I went to the gym and was accepting and just got on with my exercises and felt involved in what I was doing, NOT in how I was feeling. Now though I am tensing up again, fighting it, and I am not sure why really.

    I would be very grateful for any advice from anyone.

  437. scarlet Says:

    “Also Eric I can’t speak for Scarlet, but she has been there and come through and I am sure like myself had a big shift in attitude and way of thinking to finally start seeing the old her once again. A lot of her posts are very well put and someone you know has been there and now found so much more peace. We are still there buried underneath symptoms, we just need to stop out of the way and stop hindering recovery.”

    I certainly did have an attitude shift, it was subtle at the time mind you, but I remember it well and it took me on a completely different path than the one I was following, in hindsight I can definitely see it now that I am recovered.

    Twas about one year into my recovery, and having not come across Paul and this site yet, I was battling each day, getting up and walking around with dp, constantly analysing, questioning why I felt the way I did, would I be like this forever, basically fighting all the time. One of my main issues was that I had no feelings for my baby son, felt numb all time, and I took this as a sign that I didn’t love him, that he was never wanted and I was a terrible/ungrateful mother who would always feel cold towards her child. Of course I was petrified of feeling like this forever and this kept me in the cycle of despair and anguish.

    One day or perhaps over a course of days, I can’t remember, I was exhausted with it all and I remember thinking to myself that from this moment on, I would do the best I could to be a good mother, regardless how I felt, if this was me forever then so be it I would manage and do all the things required of me, this was a turning point for me, basically I acknowledged and accepted this hand that I was dealt and pledged (to myself) to carry on regardless. This was all it took to nudge myself down a new path to recovery. It took me a further year to recover after this, and of course I had doubts, and some days were extremely bad, but this was the attitude shift that brought me to where I am today.

    Eric you can do it as well, honestly you can, even after 15 years.

  438. Max G Says:

    @ Eric Eckenrode

    Me and you suffer from the same thing. All I can tell you is your mind is bored. You have to stimulate it or it will continue to manifest that one thought. I have recovered. Nothing else to do but do the things you would normally do no matter what. Problem is nothing is wrong with you at all but we bluffed our minds into believing something is wrong.

    Good luck Eric!

    Max G

  439. Jess H Says:

    Jess its so good to hear your doing well, my good days definatly outway my bad which like you is proof we can get over this, i do though sometimes get that pang of oh, this will never go i am gonna be flat and low forever trying to battle this thing but i do generally shrug this off and it tends to go fairly quickly!!!!! which has taken some practise!!!!

    Thanks Jess and good luck with your assignments show them all you have learnt!!!!!

    Love Jess xxx

  440. James Says:

    Having re-read my message (4 posts up), I have decided I can make it clearer and less wordy. Basically my dilemma is this:

    I accept how I feel, and things are going well. However, then I always start getting these nagging thoughts: “What if something is really wrong with me?” “What if my feelings are permanent because of x, y or z?”

    These thoughts seem to turn the fear back on, and then I am not accepting.

  441. Wayne Says:

    Candie or Diana,

    I am now having way more good days than bad. Now I seem to only have a bad hour or two as opposed to full days. I also find myself more engaged in what I am doing as opposed to how I feel. What is lingering at this point is this fear of driving over bridges with water (developed this a few months back) and now the heart palpitations have come back just before I am about to go to sleep.

    This was one of my first symptoms when this all began a year ago. The good thing this time I know what it is and I let it happen and I fall asleep within a few hours. Is there anything else I can be doing so I can I just drift off to sleep?


  442. scarlet Says:


    The depression will go no worries about that. I suffered both as well, sometimes it was the anxiety that was worse and other times the depression. Your change in attitude should be along the lines of,

    “So what if I have these odd symptoms/feelings, I am gonna do everything a person without anxiety would do, I am not going to wallow in self-pity (albeit hard under the circs), I am gonna live alongside the inappropriate emotions however long it takes”.

    You don’t actually have to believe this statement, and you probably won’t, you just have to live it, the belief comes later…. so expect doubt to be around for a while, til you gain more control of your thoughts/emotions.

    So for your statements below which are reoccurring periodically

    “What if something is really wrong with me?” “What if my feelings are permanent because of x, y or z?”

    Change your outlook towards them and say

    “Whatever the feeling, whether I have to live with these damn feelings permanently then I will, if this is me then so be it, I’ll accept whatever life throws at me and I will manage”. This in turn changes your emotion to the thoughts from one of fear to one of acceptance, even if just for a moment. Practice this technique as and when you can and you will see a shift in your thought patterns. :-)

  443. James Says:

    scarlett that helps a great deal actually. I think that is just what I needed to learn. Thank you very much!!

  444. sasha Says:

    Hi Paul & Scarlet

    Can i ask u something? i dont know how to put it across..actually at present i feel totally O.K..no anxiety as such..But there is an underlying feeling which had been there always in me..that is a low feeling always..i need to’do’ something to proove i’m feeling good. its been there always only now i had realised..i used to wonder when others used to go through their life in a normal flow i often expect that i should be ‘prepared’ for what i dont know..basically i dont know how to take my life EASY , always end up in analysis paralysis’and i always feel LOW and hence self pity gathers in sub ‘consciously..but still i dont know y i feel this..its not just 2 yrs bak this hit me..i was always like this…! i feel pathetic now that when anxiety hit me i had moments wherein i used to think of nothing and just moved forward in life..i felt so carefree then to be honest..! i dont know what i am freting for my genes have been programmed so i guess..

    and it so foolish of me to feel low when i am blessed wit everyhing one should have..
    Pls help me Paul or Scarlet..something wherein i can get out of this self doubt FOREVER…i know i wil be able to do just that i dont know how to…and let me tell u one thing..i hav almost recovred from anxiety as a beast..what i am saying here is what i am always in my life..i want to change that…!!!!!

  445. Matt K. Says:

    Hey Paul,

    Well its been about 2 1/2 weeks since you gave me some tips on what to do. Overall I’ll have to say that I have noticed a difference over the past couple of weeks since I just stop paying attention to my thoughts and feelings. Yesterday and today I’m having a little rougher time just letting them be there. I think it is a patience thing. Like all of us, I want the feelings to go away now and last forever! From what I have read and learned, I know that is not possible and that I just must stay the course and continue to just let the feelings pass. It is very easy right now to fall back into the self pity and self doubt. My assumption is as time progresses, it will be easier to disregard a bad day or two. I will continue to just go with the flow and try not to white knuckle my way through the day! Thanks again for your advice, it is priceless!

  446. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Sorry won’t be around for a while now, a very busy week or so. I have tried to get involved a bit more this week and do so when I have little on, but I am going to have to take a break for bit unfortunately. I did though want to post this for Eric/Max and others who struggle with D.P, it is an old post from someone called Shaun and is the exact attitude and long term plan you need when recovering from D.P

    Just a few word on my own experience with DP – I had it for nearly a year but I managed to learn to live with it. At first it was terrifying but after all the advice here, I realised it didn’t stop me doing anything, no body knew I felt odd etc, so I just carried on. Like most things, if you can live your life despite how you feel, then this is the route to recovery.

    I spent months and months feeling spaced out, and detached, but I managed to carry on regardless. We moved house just over a year ago, and it was a bit like a dream, it didn’t really feel as though it was happening. I remember tidying up the garden, totally focused on anxiety, and I was really depressed because of how I felt, wishing life would just get back to normal. But over time, after taking on board all the advice offered here, I thought, what does it really matter ? If I feel spaced out, dizzy, depressed, sick ? So What ? Of course, nothing happened over night but over time, with practice, I found I could live my life despite feeling odd, depressed etc. My attitude was, OK, I feel rubbish but so what, I can live my life like this. I completely forgot about recovering.
    Most of my more acute symtoms really settled, but DP was something that lingered almost to the very end for me. I knew it was getting better when I had the odd day and I realised I had not had the spaced out dizzy detached feeling. I didn’t grab for this – my attitude was, OK, I feel better today, but if I feel bad tomorrow so what. And at first this was how it was, but then I started to have a few days feeling “normal”, which then turned into a week, and then a few weeks, until eventually the DP just dissapeared altogether.

    I would say for me, the most difficult symptoms were the DP and the constant 24/7 focus on me with an inability to focus on anything else – but now I am recovered, the advice here was absolutely spot on – I did nothing to try and overcome these symptoms other than just learn to live with them – I lived each day as though I was fine – and I don’t mean “ignore it and it will go” – I could never ignore it but it eventually just stopped being a problem because of my attitude of so what – and I really meant the “so what” attitude – it wasn’t just words I was saying.
    And even when my so what attitude was ingrained and came naturally, it still took a long while before I recovered properly. I likened it to an electric hob – you turn it off but it stays hot for some time afterward before it finally cools!

    Regards Paul

  447. natalie Says:

    hi guys hope you are all well, seems like there has been a lot of support out there esp for eric.. i really hope eric you can take something from this. At the end of the day what have you to lose .. you are already low and lost.. why not try to do what paul says.. without question and see how it goes… i understand all you say .. but the fact you worry how you are and how it effects your daughter shows you DO CARE!!! but you have to try to be stronger and think ok i am like this .. but my daughter needs me .. i will do the best i can for her and that is all i can do .. she will love you no matter what .. i think that is right that is what i am trying to do with my boys anyways. i’ve had a few good days here and there and noticing little changes but … lol.. always a but

    Paul, Candie or scarlet can i just ask a couple of things
    i am trying to do more and have today come back from shopping with my friend at ikea and i cannot tell you how physically tired i am .. so have decided to chill ouut for a few hours before i get the boys.. can you do to much??? only my birthday this saturday (lady never gives away her age ) and have a few plans lunch with girls pm dinner in evening with hubby and meeting friend on the sunday.. have i over done it?? or should i just carry on and ensure i just give myself some time out to recover.
    also the morning are sooo difficult for me.. keep waking around 3.30 and then all the angst starts .. heart beating .. sweats and generally feeling horrible. i just get up have a cuppa and go back to bed and try to just chill before i sort the boys for school… but it makes me feel soooo low and down i could cry… should i just carry on with this pattern and accept that for a while this is the way but in time it will get better… as the day goes on it eases but then i do get so tired i have little energy to even make conversation with hubby in evening i just want to go to bed lol.
    thanks guys and i think what you say is common sense really what ever happens in life.. death, depression, illness .. etc you have no other choice than to get on with it .. and just accept this is how your life is at the moment.. but the key is that it will change.. nothing stays the same and if you believe this .. it gives you the strength to keep going until recovery finds you xxxxx

  448. James Says:

    Is it normal to get bouts of super-intense DP? I didn’t used to get these, but I now have the odd hour where I am so intensely depersonalised that I can’t even see properly, and I am just in another dimension! I must look like a deer in headlights as I am so stunned by how powerful the feeling is.

  449. marc Says:

    hey scarlet,

    how have ya been keeping??? hope everythins goin well for ya! :) thanks for your reply to my post above, just looked over it there and had to chuckle a bit to myself that i believed that i was being haunted or somethin! haha! i suppose im doing better in some aspect but found that im having setbacks now and again….for example today when i was in the car with my sister and out of nowhere i started thinking anxiously, i started questioning and analysing about how us humans think or imagine things in general. like i was thinking how and why do we process thoughts into our minds??? how can we get images in our heads??? for example if im staring at a red brick wall and i get an image in my mind of a yellow brick wall, how does this happen when really im staring at a red brick wall?!?!? very hard to explain and even writing this out now it feels like im missing somethin out which is really frustrating!!! and from thinking like this i started to freak out! i got these over whelming feelings of panic,unreality,like i was losing my mind, like i was turning into a basket case etc…. and instead of what i used to do, plonk myself on the couch and turn the telly on to try and forget these feelings or thoughts, i stuck my running shoes on and got my arse out for a 3 mile run! :) still feeling a bit freaked out, but life goes on sure!!! i guess what im wondering scarlet is did you ever think like this??? i guess the past couple of events over the last couple of weeks might be taking their tole on me this way, my back injury has gotten worse(involuntary muscle twitches in my back and neck with really bad tension as well, dunno if its anxiety related but still gettin it checked out cause i cant exercise properly with it or go out socialising cause the twitches are far too embarrassing!) plus i got let go from my job there during the week…i havent been worrying like you usually would-”is my back going to get better” ”will i get another job”, so i suppose in a way this is the way my mind might be dealing with it.
    lookin forward to hearing back from ya scarlet!
    your pal,
    marc :)

  450. Candie Says:

    Marc, i know that question was for Scarlet but i thought id reply too as i did that tons of times. Still can these days, its a normal thing to think but your anxious habit made you analyse and scare yourself. Next time it happens just smile and it and have the attitude of ‘its fine to think that, but i wont be going down the route of trying to get it right in my mind’. You cant just think the words, you have to mean it with the right attitude. Basically one that allows you to experience any thought or feeling and learn to not panic at it.

  451. natalie Says:

    good morning everyone

    its my birthday today !!!!! got lots planned and am taking in my stride and not over thinking it all. hope everyone has a lovely weekend and we all finally get it.. i think its creeping up on me.. basically just realise nothing you can do to make it go away.. it will do that when it is ready. Just get on with your day good or bad.. bad always passes in time and you feel better.. maybe a little flat and tired but better. you just have to trust in your body and realise this is your life you have no other at the moment this is what life has dealt you .. so just get on with it and make the best of it. at least you can recover eventually or be it have a better life. not like some people who have lsot someone or lost a leg etc they manage to accept even though there is no bring back that person or leg.. so surely we can all accept something that eventually will right its self. hope that all makes sense and i know we can all get through this it is nothing to be ashamed of or scared by.. yes sometimes its horrible and can be frustrating but thats life lol xxxxxxx love to you all

  452. Sarah S Says:

    Happy birthday Natalie!

    I’ve read quite a few of your posts and you say alot of similar things to how I think or thought. I will post again but for today don’t expect anything at all and it will be fine. It’s your birthday and there’s a tendancy for us to think it should be fine, fantastic, perfect even! Why? It’s just a day and whatever happens, however you feel let it. Full stop. Stop trying to make it go away and if you have unpleasant feelings when doing anything let them all come, however inappropriate unpleasant they are and do the opposite of what they want you to do. You will have a nicer day than you think. Happy birthday! Hugs Sarah xxx

  453. James Says:

    Happy Birthday Natalie!

  454. James Says:

    I just had a very big moment of confusion which has scared me quite a bit :-s

    I was outside using an electric chainsaw, and I unplugged it and rolled in the extension lead. Then, about 30 seconds later, I tried to use it and couldn’t understand why it wasn’t working! I couldn’t even remember where I had put the extension lead, which I moved just a minute ago!

    Is this type of confusion common to DP / anxiety / depression? I have found when I am *really* DP’ed / stressed I can make mistakes, but I didn’t think I was that bad right now. I had been thinking recently that my memory was a lot worse, and in fact also my writing – I seem to miss out words a lot more, and seem almost dyslexic at times.

  455. lorryt Says:

    hi there

    still in a confused and stressed state!!. i have been overthinking things a lot recently and my concentration levels are horrendous, and im finding when people talk to me i cant seem to listen fpr very long before the words just dont mean anything. Or i just cant seem to retain anything anyone tells me. im not scared by it just fed up and frustrated as i thought earlier on in the year i was feeling sooo much better, recovery seemed so close.i know its just a set back but am currently under so much pressure workwise, familywise as im the only one working and relationship wise i think its all building up and the art of not worrying about stuff seems to have disappeared a long time ago with my sense of humour and my emotions. i know lifes not all doom and gloom, but at the moment i just cant seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel. its there some where, but somebuggar keeps building extra onto the tunnel!. i am trying to look at life positively as i have my health but not having alot of impact onme. dont mean to moan but i know you guys underestnad and support xxxx

  456. Ian Says:

    Hi all.

    Really struggling right now (how many posts start like that). I’ve had Paul’s book for a few weeks. I’ve suffered anxiety really since my teens (I’m 41) on and off with different intensity. Last 5-6 years have been really good, normal, then wham, last two months the worst of my life.

    I feel I understand the explanations given but can’t seem to relate my experience of my thoughts to any of them. I don’t have scary thoughts in the sense of OCD type stuff, it’s more that I feel that every though frightens me – every thought. Normal thoughts. Any thought sets me off on a train of thinking that just goes inward. This happens anywhere and all the time (it seems). Sleeping is a BIG problem. Memories today, tried to go out and about and memories of my life of where I have been (admittedly largely memories of places times I have felt anxious). The more I try to let them be there the more I seem to think, and the more I have. It seems to prevent me from ‘doing’ – just getting on with my day seems so not possible. This is all the time. It’s hard to do anything as anything brings thoughts which frighten me. I wonder what is ‘safe’ to do.

    I understand the need not to feel bewildered to be able to move on but this is exactly how I feel. It frustrates me as searching just pulls up the the negative/scary thought type stuff, not the normal thoughts frighten me thing (I don’t think I’d describe it as racing). I simply feel like I don’t know what to think or do that isn’t going to make me frightened of what I think and go further and further inward.

    Great stuff on these blogs though!

  457. ross Says:

    my shift work is really hindering my recovery, my sleep pattern is all over the place and leaves me feeling so tired, exhausted, depressed and ANXIOUS!

    maybe a regular sleeping pattern would get me in a routine and help me feel less tired all time.

    anyone else share these issues?

    anxiety is a tired mind playin tricks so shift work is all it would need?!?!?!
    but not so easy to just quit my job

  458. candie Says:

    Hi James, what you describe is very common in anyone with a tired mind. Those without anxiety/depression or depersonalisation all do it (when tired or stressed) but it is a bit more common for us. Only the other day i went into the kitchen, made a drink, completely forgot id done it- made another drink then found the other one! New mothers do it a lot too, its just a pre-occupied mind its nothing serious. I know of someone who took there child shopping, left them down an aisle and only realised that they had braught them with them when they sat eating dinner in the cafe and someone asked why she hadn’t braught baby shopping! Ofcourse iv never been that bad, but iv been known to put things in the fridge that dont belong there and many other things of that nature!

  459. James Says:

    Ha, good examples candie! Yes of course, when you explain it like that I realise how normal it is. It’s only when I stand back I see how much I worry about these benign issues. I’m on my guard so much, and I start believing something is wrong, and then looking for it.


  460. Sarah S Says:

    Hi Lorry

    I think you do alot better than you think or give yourself credit for. I bet you’re not half as bad as you were and after being so much better earlier in the year you know you can again. Yes life is hard and you sound as though you’ve got a lot going on but hey, you can do all you can do – it’s a burden and hard when you’re the only one working but if you can just about afford it and are managing, be happy with that for now, turn the things that are stressing you into things you are managing and coping with and by doing that and not turning then into huge big life events you’re going with the flow so much more, coping and they become lighter.

    You do have a sense of humour, you show that in your post and you are coping, you just sound frustrated and as if you should be further forward. Instead, use what’s happening now as the next learning curve, use it to deal with your current frustrations by being frustrated with the situation but then to flow through it, let the thoughts in but not react to them and smile and know you are coping. You can only do so much and you are doing that and sound like you are coping well with family, work, anxiety, the lot but your downfall is wanting to feel even better and wanting things to be okay. They will be, things will turn out okay if you allow life’s challenges to be just that and nothing more. You are doing a grand job.

    Sarah xxx

  461. sasha Says:

    hi Lorryt

    I do have the same issues right now..i was doing so well for couple of weeks and i knew how exactly to get out it when i was feeling low..giving it a damn and moving forward wherein i was able to put my focus on what i want..but recently couple of days ago it seemed really difficult..

    as u said it is a setback..but i am unable to put my focus back like how i used to do before..dont know when u learn to do things so easily u think u r on the right track and
    it becomes so hard all of a sudden and it remains for days…not able to get out of it…i am not anxious about anxiety..but so many thoughts about life and events keep popping up without giving me a break hence i am not able to put my focus into anything…

    feling sad because i was perfectly normal even when i had those ‘moments’ i could just get out of it like a blip…now its been days..i am stuck..!!!its a non stop thought manufactoring unit working full time!!
    i know so many advices had been given earlier but then…i feel helpless rigth now..

    Please help anyone..few words of assurance atleast…
    how can i ever believe i am fine…? i thought i was because even in the midst of anxiety i could keep my cool and after a while focus comes bak to me…but now..its totally another story….

  462. lorryt Says:

    Hi Sarah , sasha

    sasha, its quite tricky at times but you do regain your focus , it may seem slow and frustrating, but it will return. I am discovering that, i react to every little thing at the moment and its just compounding the issues. i hate where i am ,but i cant seem to change it.

    thanks guys for the support, need it rightnow ! have a great day all or at least try ! xx

  463. candie Says:

    Lorry by any chance are you trying to fight your way out the setback? As it will persist till you no longer care about the symptoms. If you are adding anxiety to the anxiety symptoms you are not letting them go, try learning not to fear whatever your feeling or thinking and they will stop coming back in setbacks. For me i never had good weeks anxiety free, i have just gradually got better to the point a lot of the time my focus isnt on me. I have learnt a lot recently and realised i still held a bit of fear over experiencing some of this, i was sort of living in hope that it would just fade but it doesnt.. you have to do the legwork and gradually change your attitude to how your feeling. If your full of negativity tell yourself its fine to be negative as an anxious low state compounds that, but what you wont do is go down the route of trying to fix every negative thought individually- analysing the content and scaring yourself in the process. If its obsessive thoughts learn to change the emotion to them to one where your not frightened if they come or not, when you can do this your mind will let them go. If its physical symptoms your scared of face your fears there too, sit with them when they come in and just let them wash over you- if you let your body see that they dont harm you each time again they will become less and less important and wont be on your radar. I remember having a lump in my throat, drove me mad- the more i worried about it the tighter it got. I realised in the end it didnt stop me doing anything, it didnt harm me so i was going to just live beside it. Slowly intime i adopted an attitude of ‘who cares’ about the lump in my throat and it went away! Hope that helps, you remind me of myself sometimes- i overlooked a lot of the stuff on here for a long time, thinking i had to suss something out but over the years of recovery more and more eureka moments came to me. Also with feelings of numb, dont think it just happened to you, recognise you have over analysed and exhausted your mind so you feel numb- then dont panic at numb! As Scarlet told me if it gets to this stage (and it will now and again on a bad day) just accept numb is the right way to feel for someone who has been worrying too much.

  464. James Says:

    I am thinking about getting back to work soon. I have been out of work for almost 2 years now, although I just finished an unpaid 2 month placement, designed to help ease me in. To be honest I don’t feel ready yet, as my anxiety and depression are still bad, but now that I am beginning to follow the advice here, I know how important it is to start “living” again.

    My concentration is the thing that bothers me the most though. During my placement I found even quite basic work challenging, because I struggle to hold a thought. Being at work adds a lot of stress to my already anxious body, and I am not good at focusing on a task.

    How many people here carry on at work, despite this? I did it for 6 years with GAD before I finally quit. Looking back I don’t know how I managed that long! Do you find that concentrating on a difficult task very hard? I am not sure I will be able to take on anything where there is much pressure involved.. I had quite good jobs before, but I think this time I need something not too demanding, and with a generally relaxed pace… if such a job exists!

  465. scarlet Says:


    sounds like a bit of depression to me, quite normal when suffering anxiety to feel depression as well. Thing is when you are in a negative mood, it’s impossible to think of positive memories, the frame of mind you are in, doesn’t allow for you to connect with them, thus you look on your past as being one of negativity, which isn’t the case. . Do not analyse any of your emotions/feelings anymore, let them be, good or bad and float by them until you find peace again.. The days you are having, I had loads of them even right at the end. As I mentioned before, the depression and dull feeling was the last thing to go for me, it lingered a while after my anxiety disappeared.

    “ i started questioning and analysing about how us humans think or imagine things in general. like i was thinking how and why do we process thoughts into our minds???” how can we get images in our heads??? for example if im staring at a red brick wall and i get an image in my mind of a yellow brick wall, how does this happen when really im staring at a red brick wall?!?!?

    I had thoughts like this as well. And of course I made myself numb due to overanalysing. When you get thoughts of this nature, say to yourself “who cares how we process thoughts” and let it pass, saying this to yourself will change your emotional response from one of fear to one of indifference, and you keep practicing changing your emotion to these type of thoughts, and you will see them diminish. It’s the fearful emotion to them that keeps more of the same coming. It’s not necessary to analyse thoughts like this, unless you are doing your thesis in Cognitive Psychology LOL :-)

    “i started to freak out! i got these over whelming feelings of panic,unreality,like i was losing my mind, like i was turning into a basket case etc…. and instead of what i used to do, plonk myself on the couch and turn the telly on to try and forget these feelings or thoughts, i stuck my running shoes on and got my arse out for a 3 mile run!”

    See what I mean (above), this is what happens when you choose to analyse the inner workings of the human mind whilst suffering anxiety. 😉

    “i guess what im wondering scarlet is did you ever think like this?”

    Yep sure did, to a tee. All you mentioned I did as well, I bet a load of folks here can identify. Like I said you have to learn to not go down the analysing route for thoughts like this and you do it by retraining your brain not to react, with a “nope, not going there, who cares anyway, as if”. This really works when practiced….

  466. marc Says:


    thanks for the reply, really appreciate it! what your saying makes complete sense! but i just find it difficult to adapt to that attitude of not letting my thoughts freak me out! like i said its just the matter of thinking and imagining things in general that seems to freak me out, like how do we get thoughts?how do we process images in our heads?….this leads to me freaking out big time and i find it very hard to communicate with people when this happens, plus everything seems unreal and doesnt make sense which leads to me freaking out even more! i suppose its just D.P knocking on the door again!!! iv been through this before and ill get through it again!! its just the mere existence of everything is freaking me out at the moment and is giving me a pain in my arse! whats really getting to me at the moment is my back injury which has gotton worse which is holding me back from exercising properly or going out and socialising with friends! i can still go for runs and chillout with friends watching a dvd or whatever! but i just wanna get back into my serious training in the gym and start going out with my mates to nightclubs again! i mean what 22 year old guy stays in on a saturday night watching x-factor with his mum! haha! 😛
    hows things with yourself these days candie? its great to see someone like yourself on here with such a positive outlook on things! :) many people on this site would be lost if there wasnt people like yourself and scarlet etc on here to pick us up when we need it! talk to ya soon
    your friend,

  467. lorryt Says:


    im not scared of the physical experiences any more they faded a long long time ago, i can do whatever i want while im getting them ,its the thoughts i really struggle with . Its more the very stressful situation that i am in at th e moment thet has brought it all back. i am trying so support my family and keep the spirits up of a very unhapy angry and moody man. i know im not the only one in this situation, as as a country we are all under pressure. i cant be everything to everyone, and still be me ! . i am due to take hubby to the docs as i can no longer handle him ( poss bi-polar). i know i shouldnt let it have a knock on effect but when you are constantly with someone and what ever you do is wrong it at some point brings you down. i guess the arguing, not sleeping and worrying really is adding to the anxiety, but i guess if i was in this situation about 3 years ago they would have locked me up by now as i wouldnt have coped as well. thats a positive i think !??. im not gonna harp on but i guess i am in a set back but only coz im trying to second guess my hubbys reactions to everything, and i cant sustain the nervous energy any more, and i know its not me thats the problem. He has lots of issues that if he doesnt address them it will destroy the rest of his life. hes trying to hide behind his temper and use that to hit out at everyone, cant be done any more. not acceptabel. time to face the music even if he doesnt like the band !!xx

  468. David Says:


    I wonder if someone could help or give me some advice. I fount this site about 2 years ago and it has really help me to understand anxiety and why we suffer with it, and i wanna say thanks to Paul for that!
    My story is really similar to Paul’s and ive had anxiety for about 7 years now and ive got over most of my symptoms but its just 1 symptom that i cant get over and that is obssesive/scary thoughts. The thoughts seem to change, like i would get over 1 thought and then it will be another 1. But i know that it is just adrenaline and its finding a way out but how do i stop the adrenaline in the first place to stop the scary thought?
    And when i have the scary thought i get really down and start watching myself again (which what anxiety makes us do). But i always pick myself up and forget about the thought, but then i always seem to go back down again. If that makes sense?

    If anyone could help me or give me some advice that would be much appreciated.
    Thanks David.

  469. Ian Says:

    Hi all.

    thought I’d introduce myself (I just re-read my first post and it didn’t make much sense – even to me).

    I’m Ian and I’m 41. I’m still working (just). Like I said earlier I’ve had anxiety since University really. Probably 3 episodes where it was really bad (nervous breakdown if you like that term). I’ve a lot of bad habits related to this. I had some useful CBT about 9 years ago, therapist was good but never really thought I understood everything about what I was feeling, and have felt pretty damn good for the last 7 or 8 years, normal for most of the time. Any anxiety symptoms had been ‘managed’ via phrases repeated to myself – I realise I was still frightened of certain things (sense of unreality being one).The last two months have been hell though.

    I realise that a big factor in limiting my doing the right thing here is that, and I admit it, I desperately want to be the person I was a few months ago. I have such a long memory of not being good, I really don’t want to be here again (yet here I am!)

    I understand Paul’s reticence with regard to forums, which I share but I feel that there is good stuff here – plenty to read though!

    One thing that is really problematic for me is my thoughts or perhaps my approach to them. I seem to get frightened of every thought – it seems like ‘I’ purposely try to do this (something in my head does anyway). It’s not any particular thought, not a recurring thought, like ‘I don’t love my wife’ or anything, just a stream of thoughts (seemingly all day) which I can’t seem to get away from. Memories, thoughts about what I am doing, thoughts from Pauls book, thoughts about the person’s face I just saw, and then thoughts about what to do, round and round. This seems incessant and frightening. I then think about what to do – let them come, and they do, repeatedly, get on with what I am doing – very difficult as I simply can’t get ‘out’ of my thought process to concentrate, begins to feel like a battle. So hard to describe – and sort of silly when you do – but it does frighten me. Doing anything to just ‘take a break’ seems not possible. Work is a struggle. I feel like I can’t move on until I can understand it. I guess it is getting ‘stuck in my mind’ feeling unable to escape, worried that I can be frightened of thoughts, thoughts that didn’t frighten me a while back, simple things, that my mind just throws at me (and why does it do this?). I find myself looking at Pauls book, on here, anything for that ‘magic’ sentence to explain it all (I know, I know…), spend most spare moments doing this. It is like I need to decide what it is, seems odd, but I can’t fit it to anything described anywhere (‘is it ‘racing’ thoughts, is it ‘scary’ thoughts, is it ‘inward thinking’ etc.), so feel bewildered by it, and bewilderment is not helpful as is obvious. Has anyone been in this place?

    I’m determined to move on here and to resolve this – and resolve it properly. Despite my current feelings I am inspired by Paul’s book and by what I read here. I do believe in people who have experienced this, I can’t see how anyone who hasn’t, has much to offer.

    Just as an (amusing?) aside, I gave up my counsellor when she started asking me if I felt bad for not having had kids – jeepers creepers, it’s anxiety and I want to be reassured I am not going mad, not try to decide if it’s caused by some emotion arising from not having had kids!


  470. candie Says:

    Ian sounds like your stuck in your head thats all, your trying to get rid of it too which is why its staying your main focus. Firstly you must allow it to happen, its not just about letting the thoughts play its about not caring they play- learn not to fear the symptom and it will lose focus then fade. We all have thoughts like you describe, but with anxiety we become hyper aware of ourselves and every fleeting thought is noticed.

  471. sasha Says:

    Thanks Scarlet & Lorryt,

    I am able to understand what u r saying..just that we overanalyse what other people dont do…
    and the lessons we learnt which clicked during the process seems so NEW and unlearnt at times wherein it doesnt seem to make sense..
    Richard Carlson’s stop thinking & start living had helped me immensely to understand how the ‘thought process’ itself can drain you to the very core!!..it really makes a lot of sense except ofcourse during those negative mood period where nothing seems to click…best thing to do is just float across…

    one thing I’d like to adress is that now that I dont hav DP i have a clearer frame of mind. but when i talk to people..rather than listening to them so casually n carefree i tend to think(maybe read between the lines which i hate but cant help without doing that) what do they actually mean? if i am hurt i immediately undo the hurt feelings and be happy immediately actually m scared to feel any negative feelings towards anythng or anyone. its like i actually ‘prepare’ myself to be ‘not affected by anything at all”… and when i do that i feel at peace…clearing all negative emotions then and there..but will it end up being me doing that mechanically all the time and not being through natural emotions..anyways its helping me now..:)

    i had moments when i had slight DP i was so confident as all i did know was to do my duties and just be the way you want as everything else doesnt matter and that was a big excuse as u never get to hurt urself..
    i know its all a creation of mind…!!!!!!
    i guess i will be able to speak casually and be like any normal human being ( sometimes i doubt as i was an anxious person from the very begining..)
    but when u go through something like this i guess we will never revert back to old habits..isnt it??

  472. trez Says:

    Hi everyone,i know it has been about 6 months since ive last posted,ive been doing pretty good i have to say until i took a bit of a setback last wk.i have started to analize myself and everyone and everything,i no ive been here before and it has passed so i will get ther again,i am actually trying to figure out how im thinking and feeling which is making me feel really strang in myself,i have it in my head that everyday im getting worse and that i am going to crack and lose control,can anyone give me some advice as im struggling at the moment……trez.x

  473. LORRYT Says:

    hi sasha

    i just started reading teh book and it has me totally confused at the mo . i know what its trying to say but i just cant get it in my head! sounds silly but i am in a very negative frame of mind and my mind just doent seem to absorb any info without me worrying about it !. i may leave it for a bit until i am thru this set back. unless anyone cant put it to me ina differnt light.x

  474. marc Says:


    completely normal what your experiencing, i myself have been going through the same process, was doing great until about 2 weeks ago where i started analysing everything again, as ya can see from my post above iv started analysing how we process thoughts or get images into our minds which is freaking me out big time and everything around me just seems completely weird and unreal!!! iv been here before and i know its gonna take time before i start gettin better again! but d main thing to do when we get these setbacks is to realise theyre completely normal and not to beat ourselves too much over it! youll be fine trez! its only temporary! just make sure your keeping yourself busy and getting out with friends! :)


  475. Ian Says:

    Thanks to Candie for your comments.

    Trez and Marc – in some way I think similar things may be influencing us. I think the feeling of unreality/DP (whatever) just makes that strange old thought process that goes on all the weirder, maybe the thoughts are there or maybe they aren’t yet one still feels out of it and unreal (well I do) – they are mutually supporting. In my case this is combined with so much memory of feeling like this previously on occassions over so many years (memories I hate, but I guess learn not to eventually). I’m having a better day today – WITH it there.

  476. Lellis Says:

    Hi people

    I have never posted on here as when I initially had anxiety was reluctant as to whether the advice was true, then as i began to recover was afraid that this site would become too much of a comfort blanket and in a way, another way for me to hide from the world. That would be crazy to anyone else but on here I am hoping fear is understood.

    I am generally against forums as I find them a little bit contrived but after the experience I have had with this site and book I felt I had to comment.

    I am from a very working class upbringing where depression and anxiety are discussed but it is accepted than none of us would ever be as weak as to suffer. Then one night BANg, welcome to panic attack and anxiety hell. I went from a girl that went out three nights a week to someone unable to leave the house terrified that she was developing schizophenia, even saying that word frightened me, the words could some how make it develop. I was ashamed of my behaviour and this awful weakness that I was experiencing, how had I been travelling alone for three months then crying in the shower. It had to be chemical, I must have broken my brain.

    Then I found this site and cut myself some slack, ignored myself in a way and started to get better.

    The book changed my life and gave me a friend when I was desperate. I describe anxiety as a pile of laundry on top of your bed, as the weeks go on the pile gets so big the bed is no longer comfortable but if you start small and do light loads steadily the bed bed looks comfy and snug again.

    I am nearly there, I still have wobbles and I still struggle, I am still a nervous sleeper shall we say, the night time worries me as too much alone time = overload for me and I still struggle to watch things that are too mental health related as I start to list my own imagineary at times symptoms. But I am back at uni, I am in a new and healthy, wonderful realtionship and I go out again and enjoy my life regardless of how I feel.

    The journey to this is so long and bumpy, but I promise anyone new to this site it does get better, this is the best place to begin (the site I mean) and you shall be so proud at every stop.

    I havent ever achieved much, I am not a sports person or musician so I havent ever won or really even completed much in my life but the progress I have made with my anxious self is profound and I am so proud to have done this. I am also so so so glad to have found this site and realise how unimportant anxiety is in the scheme of things it is merely something we create and can conquer.

    Good luck and thank you xxx

  477. candie Says:

    Lorry i think with you some of your anxiety may come from low self esteem- beleive in yourself a bit more, your raising kids, whiles juggling a job and looking after hubby- you are stronger then you think. Try be a bit more positive in that sense, your too quick to view yourself as weak at times. You have come a long way since you first joined here too, if you can do that there is no reason why you cant go the whole hog and be well again.

  478. sasha Says:

    Hi Lorryt…

    Perhaps i think its best to just let urself drift….do whats required at the moment..looking after kids, work and stuff..Gradually you get absorbed into what u are doing..keep in mind that you dont care however you feel..i have things to do..so i dont have time to bother about that…when you keep finishing you work.u feel good…atleast a satisafaction that you have done it no matter however crappy you felt..that gives you confidence that it cant stop you from doing something…

    the problem is we actually believe whatever our mind tells us when we feel low which isnt right..but we are unable to see it in any other way at that moment..

    But believe me…dont add emotions to your thoughts when you feel low..i used to tell myself i cant be bothered …it will only drag me down..i keep engaging myself..it takes a while to feel normal again..BUT YOU WILL..
    and read the book when u r feeling fine..it makes sense then…

    it helps you a lot in CONVINCING that thoughts are just ‘THOUGHTS’ nothing else a creation of our own perception and NOT REALITY..!!! because for a very long period our mind is travelling on a negative trail thats all…but once you start making urself believe that its just a creation of our own mind it helps you immensely to snap out of it…
    but read when you are feeling fine..i’d like to say that ..only then will it make sense..but it sure does..

  479. trez Says:

    Thanks Marc and Ian,i think im making things worse for myself trying to work these thoughts and feelings out,i know im able to get on with things but ther is still a big doubt there about myself,for instance i would do something and question myself after and ask myself am i really me.i no its all to do with the way that im thinking,total mind chatter,it leaves me feeling totally drained.i have been keeping myself really busy even though my thoughts and feelings are strange,i know that it will pass again it has before,its just so good to chat to people who understand what is happening and that im not going to lose control…….thanks again Trez.x

  480. ross Says:

    hey everyone,
    Finally told my partner what I’ve been going through, felt good rather than trying to act ‘normal’ around her.

    She thinks I should see a Doctor as it sounds like I have depression, I have booked an appointment with my GP .

    Can anxiety be caused by depression?? I done an online test and it said i am suffering from depression.

    I know anxiety and depression are rolled into one but should i be seeking help from a doctor??

    Very confused now as i was getting on with Pauls way of it but if i was depressed to begin with would this help??

  481. ross Says:

    also, i get really anxious next day even if i hae 1 drink but find it hard 2 socialise with everyone if i dont drink .

    any help?

  482. Max G Says:

    @ Traz

    I understand completely what your going through. I been questioning if i’m really me for 3 months now. All I do all day is wonder if i’m really normal (While actually being normal). I do not know how to shake this thought but we are stuck having to live with it at the same time regardless and it makes you almost unable to focus on anything else it’s tough.

    @ Ross

    Trust me I try to tell certain family and friends that i can trust, that i’m caught in a bad cycle with a certain thought and feeling (being normal). Everyone thinks it’s just depression. The problem with anxiety is it’s hard to know when you’ve recovered sometimes due to the psychological aspect (Thats where i still have problems). It’s hard to describe our version of not feeling our self. People who haven’t suffered from anxiety at our level, will never understand the thought process that it brings with it. Just have to ride it out i guess…

  483. scarlet Says:

    Hi Sasha,

    “but when i talk to people..rather than listening to them so casually n carefree i tend to think(maybe read between the lines which i hate but cant help without doing that) what do they actually mean? ”

    “actually m scared to feel any negative feelings towards anythng or anyone. its like i actually ‘prepare’ myself to be ‘not affected by anything at all”…

    You are getting stressed out about normal human emotions. It’s Ok to feel neagtive in certain situations. To be honest I get p***ed off sometimes (more often than not actually 😉 ), especially with inlaws, but I don’t get anxious about being this way. I accept this as a normal emotion under the circs. I am recovered, but am not a carefree person, it’s not in my nature, I am an analyser and guess am a bit cynical, but have accepted this is ME, and I don’t find it necessary to analyse my emotions anymore. I have come to accept my faults as being OK for me, and I like me as I am. This is what you should aim for, to be at peace with yourself, so what if you get peed off with folks, or analyse what they say….that’s life innit 😉
    and besides it’s a good skill to have.

  484. Matt K. Says:

    Good Morning Everyone,

    I’m working on the advice you gave me about 3 weeks ago to stop white knuckling while I am at work, or whenever I feel like I am trying to hold myself together. The first couple of weeks was pretty amazing that things got much easier. Onto the 4th week, I’m having a more difficult time with this. I’m not sure if I felt like after those two weeks I had it beat, which I know is impossible, or if its just testing me somemore. I havent been to counseling for about 6 months, but was thinking of going back. I think I know all the things to do to recover from this, but I seem to have a hard time not letting my thoughts and symptoms effect me. DId you do counseling to get through this? I know you mention that you received information from someone in your book, but you dont necessarily say that it was a counselor. I really dont want to go back to them again, but I feel like I am cycling again and I’m having a difficult time putting the tools into practice. I believe a lot of the recovery comes with the belief that “I CAN RECOVER”, that seems hard to hold onto that faith sometimes. Not sure what I should do or if I am implementing the tools correctly? Are the days up and down and does it take a lot of practice to really develop that “whatever” attititude? I feel like I should be doing more to overcome this anxiety. I know that you may be out of town for awhile, so anyone who has recovered could chime in if you’d like! Thanks all!

  485. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    That’s a lovely story Lellis and so glad you are seeing massive improvements.


  486. Matt K. Says:

    Hey Paul,

    I see that your in! Great! Could you please take a look at my post above. I’m just scared that I should be doing something to counteract how I am feeling. I’m not eating well, constantly tense and fidgeting and feeling low. Is it just part of the process to feel this and just to be whatever? I feel like I am letting myself and my family down again by struggling again…..I want to be well, as we all do. The patience thing and not knowing when or if or how I will get better is very scary. Can it really be done? Maybe this is a self assurance question?

  487. marc Says:


    just seen your reply up there with sasha’s, thanks very much! always good to get reassuance when these new thoughts and feelings pop up out of nowhere! id be lost without your advice! :)


  488. Liz Says:

    Lellis—I just wanted to say that I can completely relate to your story. I too have never posted on here before but discovered the site and Paul’s book about 4 months ago and it saved my life.

    What appeared to be “out of the blue” came a massive panic attack and then such awful anxiety that I thought I must be going crazy. I felt at any moment I was going to become schizo—afraid that I would start hearing voices or something. I became a person that was not “me”. I became depressed and everything became a struggle-even eating. Most definitely the scariest thing I’ve ever experienced in my life. When I read Paul’s book it was such a relief. I had been so troubled by my fear because before the panic I was a confident and independent person (although always having a tendency towards anxiety). The only logical explanation my brain could come up with was that I must be going crazy. How else does a person go from being one way one day to having a nervous breakdown the next? I understand now though that it wasn’t an overnight thing. It was months of intense stress and a lifetime of over-analyzing thinking that led me to what happened. But Paul’s book helped me realize that I’m not going crazy-that having scary thoughts doesn’t mean you’re crazy. Everyone has crazy thoughts—it’s just that those of us with tired head overanalyze them and that’s when the fear comes in. I’ve learned to “just be” with any fearful thoughts I have. It was so hard at first but I’ve gotten pretty good at it now. I think what helped too was that I had to go back to work. I took almost a week and a half off when the panic began, but I needed to go back to work otherwise we would have lost our health insurance and not be able to pay our bills. It was so hard the first week or two going back and trying to function but it did force me to be a part of the world again. Just like Paul says—you have to move on with your day and do the things you would normally do. I have moments now where I fear “what if “it” happens to me again” but I’m slowly letting myself be ok with this. If I do have another panic attack and have to deal with D.P again, well, I got out of it once before so I’ll just do it again. And at least if it happens again I will know that I’m not losing my mind.

    It’s so hard because I think anxious people search for reassurance in everything. So the hardest part of recovery is learning to recover without outside reassurance (other than this site). We all just have to know that hey, these are just thoughts, and I don’t need a pill or a doctor to tell me that I’m okay or that I will get better in a certain timeframe. Searching for reassurance while you are recovering is futile—because it just means you are focusing on your problems again.

    Anyway, Lellis’ story was so similar to mine that I wanted to say something and also to let others know that it will get better and to keep following Paul’s advice. As much as it’s a habit to search for reassurance you have to learn to break that habit and just accept yourself and life at the current moment. And Paul-I can’t thank you enough.

  489. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    That’s a great story liz and the main thing I like is you are not fully there and still have certain apprehensions, but you are o.k with that and that is so, so important, just keep to the same route and promise me you will come back in 12 months time and tell me how you are, it’s the patience and being o.k with not always being o.k, that is when recovery will just creep on you. Don’t over analyse, don’t keep looking for reassurance, just keep living alongside how you feel, with all the insecurities and a little apprehension and trust me you will be fine, it wont always be great but you will get there. If you have seen improvements then you know you are on the right road.

    Also the point about just being with thoughts and you found it hard at first, but are now getting better. At first it is hard and you deserve massive credit for that, it is hard as we have been so used to doing the opposite and it goes against our instinct, but being o.k with them becomes are new habit and a thought no longer holds any fear and is no longer important. Scary thoughts are just anxiety based, they are not real in anyway, take away the anxiety and they no longer exist.

  490. Matt K. Says:

    Liz and Paul,

    Thanks for posting the comments about reassurance seeking. I can totally see that it is me in the posts above. I does mean that I am focusing on my feelings and not wanting to feel this way. I guess that is fighting the condition vs. allowing it. Thanks for the clarification, I’ll work on the allowing everything no matter how I feel. I have felt it work before, it will work again. Have to keep the faith! Thanks you too!

  491. Liz Says:

    Paul-I will definitely come back and tell you how I am. Thanks for everything.
    And you are so right that accepting thoughts can be so hard–I was always taught that you need to fight what ails you (but with anxiety its the opposite!). The best comparison I can give is that we just got a puppy and at first he loved to bark and whine for no reason. At first my instinct was to run to him and make sure everything was okay, or try to appease him with toys or a treat. But it just made it worse. Eventually we just ignored him. We would do a quick check to make sure he wasn’t really in danger, but other than that we let him whine and sure enough when we stopped giving him attention he stopped. Now he only barks when its for a good reason. I think anxiety can at times be the same way–its a barking puppy who just wants attention.

  492. kat Says:

    Hey everyone,

    I think the last time I submitted a comment was in the spring, and in an effort not to use this blog as a crutch, I have only checked in when I needed some kind advice and reassurance. Well, this past week I seem to have had one heck of a setback, and despite all the knowledge I’ve acquired over the ten years I’ve been dealing with this problem, I feel like I’ve slipped further back than the last time I was having a setback. Is that possible?

    Forgive me for being frank, but I have absolutely no other way to explain this latest development. This past week, after a few episodes of inexplicable dizziness and a couple uncomfortable drives home, I allowed myself to relax for the weekend. Then, one night, my partner and I attempted to become intimate, but to my horror, I was absolutely unable to muster the desire. I just had no interest. Then, I had a panic attack because I wondered what it meant. Did it mean I wasn’t in love with him anymore? Did it mean that there were problems in our relationship? Would I want to leave him at some point, or worse, would he want to leave me? For the record, we have been together for eight years and have a child together, and never once in that time have I ever felt this way. So, one night of panic lead to two more days of worsening anxiety and slow-spreading depression, dread and a bit of depersonalization. It was horrid.

    Then, today, I returned to work and tried to reclaim my ‘calm’ self, only to have a massive panic attack while driving home (the traffic was quite slow-moving which always causes me problems). I desperately wanted to cry, to throw myself into my bed to hide from the world, but instead I marched into the house and did not mention a word of it to my partner, carrying on the best I could.

    What I am seeking is advice on how to handle this lastest setback. Should I consider going back into therapy (my sister told me tonight that I ‘obviously’ can’t cope and that I need therapy again)? How do I resist the impulse to fight what I’m feeling? How do I free-float or allow the feelings to come without completely unraveling? The trouble is, I read all your kind words but cannot put them into action when I am deep in an anxious episode. I suppose what I am also seeking is reassurance, because few people in my life see my anxiety as anything but a ‘mental problem’. My partner has been wonderful and he does his best to listen, but I was completely unhinged after that evening together because I am worried what my sudden lack of interest means. Is it him or is it just anxiety?

    Obviously, I’m still quite anxious at the moment so I apologize if my message seems unclear or disorganized. I guess I need to know if anyone else has had this problem affect their relationship, and how to avoid letting it interfere. Also, how do I move past this setback without analyzing everything to death?

    I desperately want to be one the ‘recovered’ people. Ten years of this has been exhausting.

  493. Diana Says:

    kat, my first reaction is that you are putting an immense amount of pressure on yourself looking for an answer. These things can happen. Seriously. They can. You need to let it go. We are not machines and with all that goes on in our lives, who knows where libido goes sometimes!! The pressure you are putting on yourself to find an answer is far more destructive than a little less sex for the time being. You are guilting yourself out and scaring yourself into feeling unloved and unloving. Don’t do that – it’s deadly and you know it.

    You get past this setback without analyzing by doing just that. Stop obsessing about it. So what. So you are not into it right at this moment. Relax. Worse things can happen. Relationships are long. Your letting this spiral into a full fledged panic attack is telling me that you are very worried about how this is being perceived by your partner, and you are creating scenarios in your head that might have absolutely nothing to do with reality.

    Yes you can be in love with someone and not want to have sex for a time. It’s part of life. It’s normal.

    I don’t know what your relationship is with your sister, but I would say it would be more helpful to just stop putting so much pressure on yourself. What, so therapy is going to help get your libido back? I don’t think so. Your libido is hooked into your sense of well being and that’s what is gone right now. You need to get back to basics. Put the sex thing aside for the time being. Start resting your tired mind again. Accepting the anxiety and letting it be ther while paying it no heed. You know the drill – saying so what instead of what if, doing things you enjoy, staying focused and busy when you feel like diving under. Let the panic subside.

    The libido thing is only a symptom.

  494. Lellis Says:

    Please don’t thank me Paul, you honestly really really help people to actually live there life which is so important and so easily lost.

    Liz, our stories mirror each others, which again makes me feel so much better that I am not the only person to sometimes feel the way I do.

    I am so glad you are doing better and I find your approach so healthy, as without trying to preach, I think the key is to see anxiety for what it is, annoying and there lurching but NOT anything more sinister or the start to something worse.

    Please stay in touch from time to time on here, I am interested in reading about your recovery as I believe like me, it isn’t even that far away now and lets be honest, who cares if it isn’t we are living with an annoying blip that we can ignore and still enjoy ourselves.


  495. James Says:

    Very interesting to read about reassurance seeking, as that is without a doubt my main problem. My therapist has identified it as the thing that causes my anxiety.

    I am constantly seeking to make sure that this is just anxiety, and not something else. Even when I am not consciously doing it, I can feel myself wanting that certainty. I have been starting to let go of this thanks to this website though.

  496. Max G Says:

    @ James

    I know exactly what you mean. I know i’m completely healed of anxiety but now suffer from this one single thought of “Me being me while I am actually really being me” It gives me this constant unsure feeling. It’s like if i never got this thought into my head, i would be 100% but it feels like i’m really 99.9% and do not know how to get past this point. Anyone else experience this thought before or am i just going crazy?


  497. sasha Says:

    Thanks a lot Scarlet…

    after going through such a lot of emotional turmoil…doesnt know at times the thoughts that come are anxiety related or just reality check…anyways looking towards brighter things in life…one thing i learnt is to really getting absorbed in the things we do..bringing attention back to what we do…before we never realised where our mind takes us….

  498. Patrick Says:

    Hi all. Just wanted to post some encouragement. For those that remember me i suffered with anxiety on and off all my life until a complete and utter breakdown a couple of yrs ago. Luckily i found this site and read Clare weeks books and just found that the principles of acceptance although difficult to get to grips at first with eventually do become second nature and i have been fully recovered for almost a year now.

    For me the worst symptom eas the conatsnt attention on me, i literally focussed on me 24 7 regardless of what i was doing but eventually came to accept this and not try to stop it and it did fade with time and now i find it really hard to focus on me! So what did i do, well nothing,

  499. Patrick Says:

    Sorry pressed post too soon.

    The point is, the more i tried to figure it out, the worse it got. You CAN learn to stop trying to figure it it, I did. Once i stopped trying, and just thought so what if i think about me all day? Well that was the beginning of the road to where i am now.

    I never thought i would recover, anxiety has been an issue with me for 30 yrs of my life because i always saw it as a problem. Learning to change your perspective is the key. I know for absolute sure it will never bother me again, as I’m sure people who have recovered will also say the same.

    All the best


  500. kat Says:

    Thanks Diana,

    What amazes me is that when I’m calm, I’m absolutely rational and able to understand the fundamentals of panic disorder. I know that it’s a learned behaviour for most of us, that it’s adrenaline and nothing more, but when I’m in it, every thought I have is amplified and I’m not able to make sense of what is going on. This is the major hurdle for me in terms of letting myself surrender to what I’m feeling, because my pattern is to try to make sense of what is happening, very often causing me to associate a situation with the unfavourable sensations. For me, driving is the worst trigger, and I suppose some residual issues from past relationships have something to do with my present-day intimacy problems. That said, I continue to hope that I will one day really see how this works instead of constantly thinking that I am the one person who will never conquer it.

    Setbacks are almost worse than the onset of this problem, that’s for certain.

  501. sasha Says:

    Hi Kat…

    ” What amazes me is that when I’m calm, I’m absolutely rational and able to understand the fundamentals of panic disorder. I know that it’s a learned behaviour for most of us, that it’s adrenaline and nothing more, but when I’m in it, every thought I have is amplified and I’m not able to make sense of what is going on. This is the major hurdle for me in terms of letting myself surrender to what I’m feeling, because my pattern is to try to make sense of what is happening, very often causing me to associate a situation with the unfavourable sensations ”

    Very true in my case too…hard to make sense at times..whereas at times u r completely rational..things seems to be fine…what i do is ‘assume’ all is well and go on with the day thinking that never go in by the feelings as for us unfortunately for the time being it is not giving the right signals always..it has to be reconditioned by gaining control over it that no matter how we feel..CARRY ON…at times gets discouraged by how we feel…

    do u carry on with your life when you feel those times where nothing makes sense… how do u take life?

  502. sasha Says:

    Hi Scarlet…

    Just wanted to ask you something….
    as the post mentioned above…i am totally fine at times and its so easy to understand and accept all of it…but at times when i get stuck or gets overwhelmed by ‘thoughts’ i guess its best to deviate mind by getting indulged in something and not caring much for how we feel..ultimately i feel we get our work done however we feel and the control it has on us subsides….isnt it?

    i started untrusting my thoughts when i feel overwhelmed thats its all anxiety…it gets me bak on track…so when my mind is clear it goes thinking again and i get into a ‘certain pattern’ or ‘perception’ of life which i dont like…i understood that particular ‘perception’ is creating all difficulties in life…as all of u say dont stop it let it drift at times i realise i have to stop paying attention to them as its ‘unneccessary’

    i end up putting on a lot of ‘conditions’ to be fine…i found out that for me..leading alife with no ‘conditions’ to be met…just be it how things are…( pretty diff at times) and just going by how i want it to be done discouraging all sorts of negative feelings outright…i guess that worked for me…for a few weeks..that was when i felt totally fine n happy…

    ( no assessment, analysis way too difficult for me right now to assess the pros n cons ..it becomes an obsession for me..and making me not do anything in the end) may sound foolish for normal people but right now by doing that..just thinking what I want in a particular situation i am able to find my ‘true perspective about life’ and be sure of it…giving me more satisfaction n self esteem..otherwise i tend to be over compliant unknowingly…its way too much!!!!

    Few words of encouragement pls….:)

  503. ross Says:

    Hey Everyone,
    Could do with some advice?? I have been doing well in my recovery but had a setback the other day, this got me so frustrated that I couldn’t keep it a secret anymore, so I told my partner EVERYTHING. all my stupid thoughts i get e.t.c. I also told my best mate and they were both very understanding but urged me to make an appointment to see a doctor , so i have.

    I have urged them I have all the help I need here, but would a trip to the doctors be beneficial?? I’m thinking it could be even just a chat, also if im offered medication to help with symptoms should i take it??

    Recently I have been feeling really depressed like I’m trapped in my head , been trying to keep active and busy but feel really flat no emotions, feelings at all. This is now my 3rd week with no alcohol or cigarettes so I’m wondering if this is to do with it all??

    Did anyone else feel bit lost after talking about it with their partner??

  504. Max G Says:

    @ ross

    I spoke with my partner and she recommends i speak with a doctor as well. I spoke to a doctor. They gave me medicine. Not sure if i should take it yet though. I’m also having trouble when it comes to my thoughts now. I’m fine but this one thought ruminates in my head all day now “Am I normal” and this thought is what is crippling my life.

    When I do something I enjoy it makes me question my very being. It feels like i lost a piece of mind I use to have my entire life before i was aware of anxiety. I no longer have any other symptoms but this one thought. Anybody else ever question there very present (Being in the actually moment, with this am I normal thought?).

    Do need some advice i feel like i am 99.9% me now but that .01% is what is stopping me from enjoying my life again.


  505. ross Says:

    so goin to a doctor helped you???

    I think your paying that thought too much respect Max, be ok with it and it will eventually fade.

    cheers 4 replying :)

  506. C Says:

    Hi all!

    Havent been here for a while, not avoiding just stupidly busy! When I was on hre last I was in a state, one I look back and think thank god im not there anymore! The feeling in my stomach would just not go away until I let it consume me completely – just ave me was my attitude, I couldnt feel any worse.

    I planned meals with my friends, took the dog out for a walk, relaxed, went on holiday – NO FEAR just did it. so wat if I felt awful I was doing things I liked. I found in time I would panic about something then something like – ohhhh crap how much money have I got left for tonight would be more important. Thats what I like to see.

    Dont get me wrong I still panic and still have major worries, but I just look at them as
    The controllable
    The pointless

    The controlable e.g. have I left the iron oh no oh no oh no, easy go back and check.
    The pointless – AM i GONNA BE ABLE TO HAVE KIDS IN THE FUTURE im going to be the last one or the one everyone will feel sorry for, then i coul;d adopt etc etc etc. This is pointless, im not even trying for children so when that time comes and I have this problem then I will deal with it.

    Does that make any sense…. im not sure.

    I do get the am I gonna have kids panic all the time. Wat can I do? Nothing I either can or cant right.

    Im not sure if JO is around but I wanted to come back on here to thank her for her kind support – I just needed it for a lil while then I went it alone, with the help of my family.

    I like coming back here, gives me the go ahead again that its just my tired mind. This ”problem” or whatever u wana call anxiety has totally changed me in the way that I appreciate my life and things around me much more, the people that matter and when I go for walks n things I look around breathe in and think yano wat… lucky girl.

  507. C Says:

    oh and of course thanks to Paul and Candie – but im sure that goes without saying ur both stars in my book and ive passed ur book on to a group of people who need it. Take it easy :)

  508. Wayne Says:

    I am now having way more good days than bad. Now I seem to only have a bad hour or two as opposed to full days. I also find myself more engaged in what I am doing as opposed to how I feel. What is lingering at this point is this fear of driving over bridges with water (developed this a few months back) and now the heart palpitations have come back just before I am about to go to sleep.

    This was one of my first symptoms when this all began a year ago. The good thing this time I know what it is and I let it happen and I fall asleep within a few hours. Is there anything else I can be doing so I can I just drift off to sleep?

    Also, the driving over bridges with water, I don’t want to avoid but I also don’t want cause any accidents. Any advise would be great.


  509. James Says:


    That is indeed a very encouraging story. I’m really happy for you, that you managed to turn things around, especially after so long. Stories like this are invaluable to people like me!

    I am pretty obsessive with trying to figure things out, and my attention is so much on me that I am like a hair-trigger if a new symptom comes up. Recently I have started believing I have a slight speech problem, which I immediately panic is due to alcohol or drug use. However, it could easily be anxiety, or even just that am inventing it by looking for it. However, I feel like my mind is trying to figure it out ALL the time, even when I am not consciously doing it.

  510. Max G Says:

    @ James

    Do you ever get the thought in your head if you are really you? And what do you do to get this thought out of your mind if you do? I think we are going through the same thing. Trying to figure it all out and I don’t know how to stop it. I do admit i feel so much better now then i did before.

    I feel like i’m looking for some certainty that i’m really myself again even though thats the problem, i really am myself. Which also gives me the feeling that i’m trying to figure it out, even when i’m not really aware that i am. What bothers me the most, is the fact that i have no interest in doing anything anymore. I know it’s related to this one thought though.

    @ Patrick

    Your story is also very encouraging to me as well and thank you for sharing it. It also gives me hope that soon i’ll be 100% without having to question anything, besides life’s regular problems.


  511. trez Says:

    max ive been getting that 24/ 7,i have just been letting it happen,ive been here before and it has passed.its very hard at the moment as im questioning and anazling everything again,my mood is low and because im feeling trange in myself im adding more strange thoughts and feelings to it all,i have noticed that when i get up out of bed in the morning im waiting on it,so in a way im keepin this all goin,When we are in a habit its hard to change.trez

  512. Andre Says:

    Max, you definitely will be there. I was at the same stage where you are now and where Patrick and many others were. I was constantly monitoring myself, i was so aware of me, nothing else around me was important, or i can say non-existent. I tried so hard to get escaped from the trap i have been fallen, without result, until the moment when i realized to let it be there. Sometimes were very hard, but in time get more and more easy. So i can promise, you will get trough!

  513. Sarah S Says:

    Hi everyone

    Could Candie or Diana please give me a bit of help on something? I’m make great strides in my recovery after suffering for many years and have in the past have only posted a couple of times and received great advice from Candie and Diana. This is because I searched for many years for help and couldn’t get anywhere, until I found this site, knew I had to go it alone and not keep asking for re-assurance, drop safety behaviours, learn to accept, not keep analysing, keep busy, get out into the world etc which as you can imagine has taken quite a while to get the hang of but I’ve done a great job so far.

    Would you mind if I ask for a little advice? It’s about family. Not many people seem to post on how it affects family and for me this is a big thing. Mainly my marriage if I’m honest but also great guilt about my son and how I’ve let him down all these years with having anxiety. We had many problems in our marriage as a result of a big part being anxiety and other life events that came along that were very hard and I just couldn’t cope. I now however cope alot better and have proved that to myself quite recently – I coped with alot of stress! Woo hoo! The thing is I do things such as watch to see if my hubby is okay and “normal” and if things aren’t quite right I get into such a tizz, keep asking him if things are okay and why he’s not jumping around with joy, smiling, telling jokes until eventually it gets to him and he gets really cross and then of course things are ten times worse. I seem to want things to be okay all of the time and get so frustrated and upset and anxious if they’re not! I know it’s unreasonable and don’t know if it makes any sense to you? I also feel rather insecure and guilty at home, as I know the anxiety has caused so many problems with us that now I feel as though not even one little thing go wrong, we can’t argue or tell my son off or get snappy with him as it’s happened so many times in the past that I want everything to be okay now. I look at other people’s families and see bliss. My friends all seem to get on fine with their hubby’s, no arguments, no boredom, no insecurities, they all seem to be happy, fun, families. I then put even more pressure on me and my hubby to be like them. My hubby’s quiet and private and caring and not outgoing, sociable and a boozer and then I think well he should be the latter, I should be this happy, giggling mom to show my son that life is great and my hubby should be chatty and sociable and happy all the time.

    I hope this makes some sort of sense as I know alot of people talk about how it affects themselves, which I get entirely, I did for a long time but am so much better with that. This family thing, however, has always been a problem and maybe down to lack of self esteem as well as the anxiety I think?

    If you could help I’d be really grateful.


    Sarah xxxx

  514. ross Says:

    Just back from the doctors …

    Was good to get things out and discuss with someone who knows about it. He thinks its best I go on CBT therapy which I agreed to, anyone else been on this??

    I will be following Paul’s theory because I know its the best way but I feel talking it out with people will be beneficial too.

  515. Helen Says:

    Hi Sarah S,
    This is in reply to your comment above about anxiety towards your husband/family. I have found that that part of my anxiety stems from wanting to be perfect then nothing can go wrong, if that makes any sense. I have also picked at my partner and thought, if you were like this then we would be perfect or if you were more this way or that then we would be perfect. You look at other people and see that they look happy, like the ideal family unit etc and you feel envious because you know how you feel inside, you know that life isn’t perfect, you are a worrier and that anxiety affects you. What I have learned through living with anxiety, especially the social anxiety side, is that you only know how you feel and because of that you sometimes get the idea that the grass is greener or that everyone else is happy and you are failing somehow. In my case, I want everything to be 100% perfect so that I know nothing will go wrong, so that I won’t suffer this again but I know that life isn’t like that, it is far from perfect and I take comfort in the fact that I am a hell of a lot stronger than I used to be and know that I can live through anxiety like I have done before. You have clearly done so well Sarah, take each day as it comes, let the thoughts you have, whatever they are, flow in and out when they want to without giving them too much respect!! My best to you.

  516. Max G Says:

    @ Andre, James, Ross ,Trez, Patrick

    Feel free to comment. What happens if what i’m questioning is me living my very life how do i break that cycle? Maybe what i’m doing is questioning the here and now (Very moment we are always in when not thinking) and mistaken it for that unsure feeling? Due to monitoring myself for 6 months straight? Could it be that. Anyone of you feel the same way?

    I know if this never happened to me i’d be fine just questioning regular life probelms which i need to get back too. Anyways thanks for the previous comments i know i’m almost there.



  517. kat Says:

    Sorry to be a bother, but I was wondering if I could get a little advice.

    As I mentioned a couple days ago, I started into a very dark period (setback?) last weekend after some intimate moments with my partner. I was besieged with panic and started to wonder if the panic indicated some deep problems in my relationship, something I would never have considered the day before it happened. Since then, I’ve been a bit of a mess, analyzing and re-analyzing everything, bursting with anxiety and panic, and unable to collect myself. I think about my partner and I fill with a sense of dread. I think about going to work, I fill with dread and anxiety. Every tool I’ve learned from this site and from years of CBT have somehow gone missing in my head, and I am terribly worried that my anxiety indicates more than adrenaline. What if….?

    Is this a setback or is it a sign of something more?

    I could use some advice/reassurance if any of you have the time to give it. I’m hoping it will help me calm down so I can reclaim my calmer self and see more clearly.

    Thank you. It’s been a tough week.

  518. ross Says:

    Hey Kat,

    Sorry to hear about your setback, and I think thats all it is a Setback. All I can really say is have a wee ‘refresher’ on Paul’s theory and it could help get you back into swing of things you cant forget what you have learnt its just a setback thats hit you hard because you have been doing so well.

    Hope this helps.

    One question for you- I was at the doctors today about my anxiety and I will be goin for CBT therapy soon, did this help you?? what was it like??

  519. kat Says:

    Hi Ross,

    I started therapy, reluctantly, ten years ago because I was on the verge of becoming agoraphobic. She is a recovered anxiety/panic sufferer like Paul and her methods and ideas mirror his. I have to say that I don’t know what I would have done without her. The main reason I stopped seeing her was because I seemed to be on the road to success, and also due to financial restrictions on my part. This past week, though, I really wish I could have talked to her.

    If you are on the fence about entering therapy, I say do it. The objectivity and knowledge that a good therapist ensures is invaluable, at least in my view.

  520. Si Says:

    Can anyone relate to this please and can anyone suggest anything to lessen the impact it has on me. I will try my best to explain it…..

    Does anyone get caught up that much in how they are feeling that the only releif then get is to have a reel good crying session to relieve the tension? I actually get the the stage where I cannot control my low feelings enough just to let it be without blurting!!

    Also can anyone relate to this, I find it very difficult to do the most simplist of tasks, for instance making a phone call, clean the car, sometimes even make a full sentence without part way through thinking whats the point in talking cos I am not interesting? I have to push myself to do it.

    I have never been a reader, a good learner or even very good at remembering things. This never bothered me as much as it now does. I look at people I know whom looked upto me and now I feel that they are so much more intellegent than I am because they remember things they are told and yet I so so struggle even to remember the simplest of things. The thing that worries me the most about this is I can remember every negative thing that I am feeling or doing but not any positives. I have to keep reading pauls book for reassurance but is this like having a crutch?

    Hope I am making sence and sorry I am a little bit negative especially when if like me you come on here looking for positive stuff :)

  521. marc Says:

    scarlet or candie,

    just wondering could you guys give me a bit of advice. i was talking to u guys before about how im freaking out about how we think in general, how we imagine things in general etc…. but its like things have gotton worse. i just seem to be freaking out about absolutely everything- how we think,imagine things,speak,remember things in genera, to no power of my ownl!!! i try to apply the ‘whatever’ attitude but even that seems to freak me out! ill give you a good example, last night i was walking back from the pub and its like i automatically started thinking-”how do i know the way home? how do i remember this?” and its like my mind is going blank… plus today i was doing a bit of work in the front garden and went out to the garden to get a sweeping brush and shovel, but when i walked out to the garden i had forgotton for a minute what i was looking for, i guess i had forgotton because my mind was just so fixated on ‘how do i remember this or that’.. just wondering guys is this normal and not something to worry about? have either of you experienced these kind of thoughts and feelings? because from this crap it can be so terrifying wondering if my memory or mind is deteriorating!!! :( and plus nearly everything i do- going out with mates, workin in the garden etc its like my feelings of weirdness have topped the scale and i cant do anythin to take my mind off it! looking forward to hearing back from u guys.

    your pal,
    marc :)

  522. sasha Says:

    Hi Marc,

    Dont worry Marc. I have gone through the worst..But believe that its not the END…! i am telling you..its just that we get so engrossed in our thinking that we couldnt get out of it..obsessed with ‘how we feel”
    but let me tell u something…how i felt better gradually?

    i totally let that be on my side of my different kinda feeling, unable to do any task..getting frustrated to teh core and most of all no one can empathise with us..it infuraiates us even more ending up in self pity….

    But wait..did it help in any ways? being in that viscious circle?… i made my mind understand over a period of time that its a totall CRAP wasting our valuable time…let me feel anything…its just ANXIETY..that knowlege helped me immensely..so the thought or doubts that its something else…shun it.its not…

    so when u realise its nothing more than that..u will naturally get tired or bored of it..as there is nothing to get scared of..may be we may have moments of disconnection, not able to focus on our task..but if u just let it be…moments later, hours later or days later it becomes fine…gradually the pace changes.. the odd moments may be an hour or so….

    so just move on…if u dont feel like doing anything..its ok..dont be hard on yourself..its just that the mind is tired..take a nap..watch tv…visit a mall..however u feel let it be..

    this wouldnt have made sense for me before but after going through so many setbacks it did..and still going through setbacks onec in a while..i am more intrigued by this subject..y it hits certain people? guess its our thinking pattern..each person has a unique thinking pattern…so its not the circumstances completely to be blamed though it may be add to the worry thats all..so we can all change the way we think over a period of time…

    so dont worry Marc..u will be fine…ust let it be..it can do no harm to you..like a cloud that hides your vision..its not static it moves…!
    hope it helps you ….

  523. candie Says:

    Marc- iv dne it loads of times! I have looked at the computer and wondered ‘isnt it strange im talking to somone on it through wireless signals etc, then it goes how does wireless, work, then a feeling of disbelief then blankness and confusion! I have also done this when iv gone into a room, and forgot what i was going for- panicked then felt blankness and confusion and thinking i was going mad.

    Now, earlier- i went into a room and couldn’t remember what id gone in for, thought nothing more of it and it didnt even phase me. Can you see here that you ae tuning in on pretty normal experiences and thoughts and because you have a certain level of adrenalin in your system your making a mountain out of a mole hill. Rather then seeing this is anxiety based thinking about a normal experience, you are trying to figure out the experience thinking your abnormal. Trust me people do this all the time, i even asked family at the time when i panicked over it- they told me they do it all the time, even put things in the fridge that dont belong there. Its just been preoccupied making you forgetful, anxiety preoccupies a person of been outward with there attention, so they tend to have a few more of these moments. Next time you have one, say oh there i go again been forgetful, silly old me and laugh about it- remind yourself its because anxiety has made you a bit pre-occupied and then dont analyse it

  524. sasha Says:

    Hi Sarah

    Not many have mentioned in here about how it effects their families…but when we suffer even our family gets effected by it…what you said is true we become overcaring , making sure evrything and everyone is fine wearing us out at the end of the day…

    i think basically its anxiety worrying what if something happens…so we are on the go 24/7 making things ‘fine’ all the time…actually the issues which pop up in our mind is just our creation and we REACT to it…getting more deeper and deeper and when we react with our family we tend to relate as if all that we imagined have happened…but if we can convince that they are just ‘thoughts’ our mind will only produce that kind of thoughts as its tired thinking and overanalysing…there arise a new faith and attittute . whenever the mind gets trapped in these negative thinking remind yourself i am not giving any attention to the thoughts which harms me or make me sad…be persistent to do something good without expecting anything in return and when you see your family reacting positively to it you feel good because you did it selflessly..

    what i do is whenevr i get any of those insecure or anxious thought or something that doesnt sound good to me.. immediately i tell myself its anxiety..my tired mind processing only negative thoughts…i tell myself erase ur thoughts..keep it clean..i feel i automatically cleanse my mind and behave as if nothing happened..and carry on with the present moment…

    i guess this helped me a lot…

    any suggestions Candie, scarlet, Paul on this ?

  525. ross Says:

    thanks for your help kat think i’ll go ahead with it :)

    hope u get back on road soon , u just had a blip nothing more

  526. amy Says:


    How are you doing?? Just wanted to check in on you :) :) :)

  527. Sarah S Says:

    Hi Helen and Sasha

    Thank you for replying and thanks for understanding me. It is exactly as you say, negative thoughts, wanting everything to be perfet so that nothing else adds to that anxiety already there and comparing my family to others and striving all the time for things to be just so. The last week or so I’ve tried to do the opposite of what my feelings tell me and instead of reacting to things that aren’t perfect in our lives I’ve done the opposite of my cross, anxious body and said nothing, carried on watching tv, etc and just smiled and carried on.

    Thanks for your help and I’m going to read your posts again and get it to sink in a little bit more.

    I am doing great and have come on so much in 12 months. I guess I have found myself a little stuck at this and felt I wanted to ask for a little guidance.

    Thanks again.

    Sarah xxx

  528. sasha Says:

    Hi Sarah

    its true what Helen said that we are so atuned to our feelings only that we always think of the petty issues we have and then it predominates our mind…and we think we have no other way out..and we can hardly feel for others…or look at the situation logically…and those prejudices may come in forfront with our interaction with others..actualy we are losing out on our happiness..
    instead we could just have a shift in attittude that our ‘perception’ or our ‘assumption’ is mere one sided and overexagerated and it isnt the reality..it gives us a lot of peace..well I’m practising it…Sarah…what is reality is far from what we analyse and we end up thinking what we think is true and start thinking that way making all things worse..

    my usual practise in doing anything is by being perfect and reaching out to everyone’s needs..but others may or may not be satisfied and if they rnt it may make us real upset.instead i think i have done what i had to do its on their part to acknowlege what i hav done if they dont its ok with me..i just carry on and i am able to take positiv critisism on my stride because i keep my mind away from all ”analysing” keep telling myself its baseless as i now have solid proof how it all ended and even if its true i dont want to dwell on it and lose my happiness..

    so keep striving for the new attittude..gradually u realise that you dont prefer dwelling on negative thoughts ..unknowingly ur mind becomes somewhat serene and happy thoughts can arise in your mind…
    but again dont lose faith..our minds are tricky..they will tempt us every moment to make us feel bad….now you hav a regained a slight belief that you are being controlled by the mind…watch your thoughts..if something is making you upset, irritated , angry..tell yourself i dont want to dig deep and make myself feel bad..gradually you feel fine and you are able to deal with it as there is no negativity involoved in dealing with the situation..
    we shall keep postng on the subject..we need to get ourselves back..:) ”the REAL happy us”

  529. Andre Says:

    Max try to not overreact every thought and feeling.The key factor is to let the thoughts float, and not get engaged into a meaningless battle. As soon as you feed up the initial thought by some reaction you will observe that others come along, you give the energy needed for anxiety to develop himself. You have to give maximum space to every thoughts, but not to analyze their meanings, they are meaningless. When you exercise this attitude you will observe that the freaking magnitude generated by, will lessen, and with time they will fade, even would be occasions when they’ll come back, until the moment when these thoughts will pop out as soon as they pop in, so their emotional charge will be zero. this is the key factor

  530. natalie Says:

    hi guys

    hope everyone doinng ok x just looking afor a little support guys.. seems that we mostly suffer with our thoughts and fears. Paul i decided to go back to work, firstly because of money and that i will only be doing 4 hours a day for four days and on a less senior role.. but since i have rang my boss and arranged a back to work meeting have been really axious to the point i wake in the middle of the night with hot sweats feeling sick and really afraid feeling.. i have tried to rationalise but still feel the same.. ( don’t know if that is fighting it or not) then i think maybe going back to work not a good idea cos have been doing so well … but then think i am giving in to the feeling.. that i should at least give it a go and see what happens.. its just i have not felt this bad for agess and i hope it only because i am pushing the boundaries .. and is usual.. advise please as i find i am being very short tempered with my boys and hate when i like this.. xxx thanks guys xxx

  531. Helen Says:

    Hi Natalie,
    I wanted to reply to this as I had the exact same thing. I was off work for a while but always knew deep down that it wasn’t doing me any good, hiding away in the hope that I can protect myself from thoughts and feelings. I have found that when you hide away you are feeding your anxiety, you feel that you are doing something to protect yourself but you aren’t, you are shutting yourself away from life and letting anxiety control you. The only way to free yourself is to go to work and accept how you feel. I would wake in the morning and try and find every excuse not to go to work, to protect myself (as I saw it) but I knew that if I didn’t then I will never get over or lively freely with anxiety. So I did it, some mornings I didn’t actually think that my legs would be able to carry me as the feeling of fear was so great but I carried on. I sat in work, couldn’t concentrate, found it difficult to engage in conversation, analysed everything, felt like crap basically but I can promise you that by making myself go to work, by making my thoughts sit beside me it got easier and easier. It really does get easier Natalie but you have to be strong, accept that thoughts and fears are going to come to you but you need to let them, don’t fight them and don’t analyse them. Let them flow and do what they want to do but don’t let them make you shut off from life. By accepting anxiety you will be free from it. All the best x

  532. Andre Says:

    Very well said Helen! Just one thing i want to add: Natalie you didn’t need to rationalize, by contrary you have to let the feeling be there, until emotionally You will settle down. By trying to rationalize you will give the anxiety the power what it has need to feed up himself. And by hiding yourself, do not exposing yourself to the fear you will continue to give the anxiety the power it has need. At first will be difficult but in time will be easier and easier.

  533. Sarah S Says:

    Hi Sasha and Natalie and Andre

    Firstly thanks Sasha you make so much sense. I do find sometimes I get in a pickle and then I seem to find it difficult to think straight enough and the pickle continues…. I then need a bit of guidance. It’s coming along nicely though my progress and yes I’m going to work on the thoughts. The posts are really helping me move on.

    Natalie, Helen and Andre are spot on with their advice. You feel rubbish at the thought of returning to work, let yourself feel awful, don’t try to rationalise things to make yourself feel better. I was exactly the same as you, had many many weeks of not sleeping hardly at all, felt awful at work but I told them I had anxiety, the people I could trust and they accepted that I wasn’t well but I also told them I knew what to do to help myself but it would take quite a long time, I stopped talking about the subject to them, went to work each day not feeling well at all but holding the faith that eventually I would because that is what happens when you let go, when you have faith, when you allow your body to continue with all of the symptoms, eventually your body will catch up with your slight shift in attitude. For me it took quite a while but I persevered, kept letting my symptoms happen and bit by bit they faded a little, just gradually enough for me to start to feel a bit better. The other thing I wanted to say was you’ve said before about being snappy with your boys, I too was like that with my son and I used to feel so bad about it. What I tried to do was, whenever I had these feelings rise inside of me or being irritated by my son when he really hadn’t done much I would do the opposite of what my body was telling me to do which was to snap, tell him off, shout at him – I would let him be a bit noisy, let him do whatever was annoying me (he’s really not naughty hardly ever) and even though my body was really irritated and cross I walked away or said a bit more quietly than usual to stop it. I beat myself up quite a lot about it. You really don’t have to Natalie, you care about your boys alot which is why you feel so guilty, they’re fine Im sure and you being cross with them sometimes is okay for now, it’ll get better, it did for me and it will for you. You’ll have your blips like I do but then you will learn through them too. If I can improve after many many years of anxiety then so can you.

    Sarah xxx

  534. marc Says:

    sasha and candie,

    thanks for the reply guys, really appreciate it! i know its just a hyper awareness of myself and everything around me which is just completly freaking me out! got another horrible feeling today like i wasnt with it at all, like i was a million miles away and couldnt make head nor tail of what was going on around me, it felt like i was going insane or something and started to panic! i know these feelings are completely normal with anxiety, but seriously horrible!! :(

  535. natalie Says:

    hi helen, andre and sarah s

    THANKYOU so much guys … that means so much… this is the only place i now talk about how i feel .. have been down the talkig to friends work mates family and realised that it was not helping and also not fair on the people that love me. sarah you really understand what i am talking about.. and it wonderful to know that you have been there and got better.. that is why l left work in first place was dealing with it going to work but had a really bad attack which lasted two days and said this is not fair on the boys and left work.. but in reality.. the only way forward is to live my life and i need to work .. we need the money i need the structure .. it will help me get back into the world again.. and give me something to focus on other than me.. by doing this in the long run will be better for my boys as i am just coasting at the moment. but it is hard!!!! i will probably be posting a bit in the next coming weeks :) hope i don’t do ya heads in lol x but lovely to know you guys are there xxxxx thanks for letting me realise that i just need to do what i need to do and trust will be fine in the end the more i perserve and not panic over the sensations and thoughts the better

    luv you guys xxxxxxxxxxx keep up the good work x

  536. Teresa J Says:

    Some wonderful posts on here from lots of people who are recovering through the help of Paul, Candie, Scarlet and Diana – and i notice lots of new names who are adding such strength to this positive blog . I feel in ine with most here – recovering well after over 10 years of anxiety.
    I can say that I can identify so much with a lot of what has been said here –
    The last 5 weeks have seen another shift in understanding thanks to Paul’s last post and the need to do nothing. I can identify with all who are recovering and say that it’s to do with attitude – sometimes you’re strong and can be dissmissive other times it’s like a barbed fishing hook and the more you pull at it the deeper it sinks. The further into recovery you go the deeper the understanding props you at bad times – yes you drop with them (well I do), start to question AGAIN – but deep inside you know that soon it will move and you’ll pay less attention and then you’ll move another notch.
    Candie’s post about gradually getting better resonates with me – it’s a real slow process for me – but it is getting better and my understanding is CHANGING the shift in perspective is happening and reading Patrick’s post on having it for 30 years and eventually getting better really gave me a boost – as I used to think that Paul and i were the only long term ones and that maybe Paul had managed it with a magic wand and I would never achieve ‘it’ – i now realise that ‘it’ is not important – just change your attiude when you can and that I need to take it in bits, stop looking for the finishing line and the winners cup! It’s improving – considerably a lot of the time and not so good other times – but as Paul andPatrick said they learnt all they had to do was ‘nothing’ .
    so folks – all of you, hope today is a good day. don’t look for perfect (that’s another stumbling block) as far as anxiety is concerned, do NOTHING, as far as life is concerned do EVERYTHING you fancy. I know it’s not that easy – but just make a start.
    Thank you – all of you, we are getting better everyday.

  537. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Teresa that’s a great post and so true. I did truly suffer terribly for 10 years and had built up such bad habits and a way of thinking, it was hard to shift to a new me which came slowly but surely, that little bit more of an understanding, slowly reversing habits and memory of past suffering. And it is so true that recovery felt so close one day and so far away the next, but part of me knew it would be this way, sometimes I felt sorry for myself again, lost a little hope, but I still kept moving forward.

    This will take me on to my next post entitled ‘How long does it take to recover’ hopefully tomorrow or Friday.


  538. Caron Says:

    Hi All,
    Finding this blog and website seems to be helping me! I have also ordered Paul’s book.
    If ok with everyone I would like to join this support network….?
    My history is I have suffered with anxiety since I was 20. I am now 30. This hasn’t been a constant thing, I have had 4 episodes around 2 – 3 yrs apart which last anything from 2 weeks to 2 months. I have been taking paroxetine at various levels since my first episode but I have been on 30mg a day since my last episode 3 years ago. Around 12 days ago my anxiety seems to have re appeared :-( . Of course I am now questioning why this is! Could it be because I took 2 packs of contraceptive pills on the trot without a break (never done before), or could it be because I have had a lot on? Could my medication be wearing off? or is it just a setback again? It makes me so upset that I get through these episodes and then all of a sudden they are back and life is so unpleasant!
    My anxiety is more obsessive and scary thoughts. “I’m gonna be like this forever”, “why me”, “Am i Insane”.

    I really don’t want to go back to the doctors this time coz I am sick of relying on a tablet to get better and think I need to do it myself and in time come off tablets as I of course want to start a family.
    Do you guys think I can do it without altering my medication? Is this site/book a good place for me to come to?
    Any help or advice would be reallly appreciated

  539. Teresa J Says:

    Thanks for that Paul – I agree and i think a big lurch in recovering is understanding that we won’t ‘accept’ or ‘understand’ when we lose vision – but that does not mean we are losing anything it is just that the reversal can be slow. When we keep moving regardless of this loss of faith – we regain our vision – but this takes a lot of repetition of going through the same things – which can make us anxious but does inform and teach us.
    I can never thank you enough (I know so many feel the same ) which only goes to show how much I have improved .

  540. sasha Says:

    Hi Teresa,

    Faith is the answer here….whenever you triple and fall you just have to remind yourself that you need to keep moving forward..being persistant..
    recurrent thoughts be it negative made us fell into this crap…similarly recurrent thoughts be it positive it has the ability to subconsciously ingrain in our minds that we can be like any normal human being with normal levels of anxiety…WE CAN

    every time we fall keep reminding us..its ok..i have fallen many times before but what happened i always got up and moved forward..this time also its just the same.i will thats all..may be at times it takes a while when things dont make sense..but its never permanent..!

    actually after we have gone through such a lot of stress we learn a lot in fact..never to take life for granted…even when we had everything we were never happy as in we cudnt enjoy those simple moments instead set our mind to worry about future .. so where did it go wrong? its our mental ways of tackling situation and people..
    it gives us a new perspective…it convince us in changing our old pattern of thinking which could have always been biased as a one sided approach…or ”what ifs” and ”y me always”

    shift in attitttude…i have the right to live on my own terms. never be hard on oneself..afterall if we dont care for ourselves who will…love yourself..its ok if things dont go accordingly..its our happiness that counts..only when we are happy it will be spread to others…

    simply start believing that you are a happy and content person..i dont hav to ‘do’ anything as in to gain happiness…i will just take life as it comes..i am here to live every moment…

  541. Ian Says:

    Thank you so much to people here. This is really helpful for me at present. I’ve had anxiety to an extent since my late teens (20 odd years), only 3 real places in my life where it has completely taken over (with all the feelings of loss of control/’madness’ etc) – as I find myself now. I feel really bad with it right now, but have just that nugget of hope there, encouraged much by stuff here. Realising, slowly, just how much this is going to have to continue, and how time has to pass (you’d think after nearly a lifetime of it that would be fine, but quite the opposite!) – so I’m looking forward to the next blog posting.

  542. lorryt Says:

    hi all

    think you guys might be a bit right in what you say about my self esteem. its really odd. today has been great and then all of a sudden it took a big dive downwards. its just this incredible sinking feeling and off i go. i know im currently under pressure to do everything, but it seems like someone keeps moving the light from the end of the tunnel. i got so used for while to living in the moment and it was great, then it was liek i fell into a trap and lost it. i know it will come back eventually but so much is wrong at the moment seems like a long way off. havea good day allxx

  543. Max G Says:

    @ Paul, Candie, Andrew, Trez or Patrick

    Have any of you ever got this odd sensation that you are aware of nothing, literally? Normally a question like this would sound stupid or insane,but i can’t shake the feeling that my brain is trying to be aware of something that it can’t figure out, even when i’m not trying to figure “it” out, this sensation is really weird. Just wanted to know if anyone can relate?


  544. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Max you are making a massive mistake and one that you keep repeating, you are trying to analyse every feeling, sensation that you feel, paying them far too much respect, going over and over, tring your mind further. However you feel just go with it, no matter how odd or strange, don’t keep looking for an explanation or reassurance, you will just find one after another and again spend so much more time on you than the world around you and it is this that you need to begin to rengage with and not yourself.

    Please learn to live alongside any strange feelings and sensations whilst just living your life, trust me this is the way forward.

  545. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Teresa J Says:

    October 20th, 2010 at 12:00 pm e

    Thanks for that Paul – I agree and i think a big lurch in recovering is understanding that we won’t ‘accept’ or ‘understand’ when we lose vision – but that does not mean we are losing anything it is just that the reversal can be slow. When we keep moving regardless of this loss of faith – we regain our vision – but this takes a lot of repetition of going through the same things – which can make us anxious but does inform and teach us.
    I can never thank you enough (I know so many feel the same ) which only goes to show how much I have improved

    Can’t add anything to that Teresa it is 100% correct and a great attitude and understanding you have. I like to tell my side from time to time as if people think I woke up and just saw the light and within 2 weeks I was free, they could not be further from the truth, I went through the same process you are now and everyone else who has recovered. I will add though that someone who has suffered a short period of time and find the right help and advise pretty quickly can and mainly do see bigger and faster improvements as they have not as many built in habits and memory is not as raw of past suffering. It is the memory of past suffering and old habits that seem to drag us back, but in time this is all over ridden by our new habits.

  546. sasha Says:

    Hi Paul

    Thanks and looking forward to your next post on recovery….

    Hi Lorryt

    At times its so difficult to acknowledge the sinking feeling coming our way especially when we were doing great..everything seems to be simple and easy and very much positive…But all of a sudden…a very sulking feeling…i get it…been there…

    our brain is wired as a thought will bring in a particular feeling and quite intense at times…and for us most of the memory is related to anxiety..so no wonder when we start thinking or just when random thoughts come in may be to send our kids to school..instead of thinking what’s there to prepare for the day with so much of positive associated thoughts arising it immediately comes up with ..Ah! no will i be able to finish it for my child,so much of work these days…in a second the mood level drops down even without our knowledge…

    lets just build our attittude strong…’no matter what’ i will sail smooth…
    and whenever you start analysing think ‘where have i landed with all those self sabotaging vision?’ Nowhere other than demeaning oneself in all ways..

    am i posting in too much..:) dont know just feel like writing down the positive notions which helped me keep moving…:)

    Hope all of us are able to take in any setback and move forward as its a slow and steady process in making us a strong individual which doesnt wither in challenging situations..!

  547. Teresa J Says:

    Paul, I think that part of learning to recover is just attiude as has been said on here by you and others, it’s perception rather than reality – how you view your lot. sometimes you can not feel brilliant and have problems but if the strength of spirit is good then you feel it’s a good day and don’t really care about ‘anxiety’ the fact you don’t care makes it lessen, when it lessens you take less notice and the spiral unfolds. However the opposite is true also and when the perception/attitude is heightened and aware it tunes into the feelings/thoughts and the attention is completely absorbed by them. I feel the support here has allowed me to take enough when i am ‘trapped’ then run for a while supporting myself and then back for a pep talk. It’s just fear that with enough good experience and support gradually diminshes.
    I used to be worried about how much was ‘too much’ and felt I should be doing things ‘right’ or i would not get there, lol. I am now quite relaxed about coming here – or not coming here. I know i will give help to other here – and i will need help from others here. I am looking forward to your post –
    Sasha – loved your last lines of your last post.

  548. sasha Says:

    thanks teresa..:)

    ” it’s perception rather than reality – how you view your lot. sometimes you can not feel brilliant and have problems but if the strength of spirit is good then you feel it’s a good day and don’t really care about ‘anxiety’ the fact you don’t care makes it lessen, when it lessens you take less notice and the spiral unfolds. However the opposite is true also and when the perception/attitude is heightened and aware it tunes into the feelings/thoughts and the attention is completely absorbed by them. ”

    its so very true…! and sometimes its so hard to acknowledge that what we are feeling is just anxious perception of our mental frame…so we end up getting a distorted vision and losing on our opportunities…but at times its hard to ignore those ‘feelings ‘ which ‘seems’ to be true..as its been ages our mind has always taken flight or avoidance or analysing in response to challenging or not challenging situation ‘imagining’ it to be one..thats even sad..!

    today I dont seem very positive..i feel sulky ..this is by default :) as its been ages of analysing to do it ‘right’ and guess what i enjoyed total bliss when i couldnt process thoughts…it was resting…so free…when my mind wish to do this i wud go ahead and do that…no self doubt…i am in love wit those days..
    i am not saying that i am having setbacks right now..i realised now that i need to reprogramme which is a little tougher at this point…so i a not ‘thinking’ positive to feel good..because it only comes up as i am trying to making me feel i am not…
    so better i am neutral…let it play its part…anyways it has made me this way listening to all crap…even if its true i dont want to give it any attention giving it permission to make me feel bad…Hmm..
    meanwhile let me finish my work…

    c u all later..:)take care friends…:)

  549. sasha Says:

    Hi Paul,

    Pls write in your next post on how a person goes through once he overcomes DP and trying to live a normal life wherein all of a sudden the person is unable to tackle the rush of thoughts pouring in…almost all negative thoughts relating to daily life…and its not about anxiety as a subject as they have almost recovered well enough of DP and associatd symptoms..i guess this is the last hurdle…:)

    how to make the person understand that these thoughts related to daily life is percieved in a difficult manner( pls do convince me) i sometimes feels its the actual me…bein the worrier..had always been…now almost recovered all anxiety symptoms and DP going through it..these thoughts actually not helping me take decisions..m not able to look at the situatioin rationally…as i feel this was always me even before i got into this…how do i really make a shift in my personality…i mean ‘i dont care attittude’…

    i am convincing myself ..but i need your words to completely sink in to my head…
    Scarlet r u around..? :) pls drop in some words of assurance…or anyone who has totally recovered…

  550. Teresa J Says:

    Sasha –
    I’m not there yet but perhaps I can tell you how I see what ur doing. You are trying to achieve a ‘state’ of mind or be in a ‘place’ you used to be. the most important word out of that sentence is trying, in other words you are thinking of how to be instead of just being. This is not a judgement, as I know i do it too – we were worriers, and prob that is part of us – but we weren’t always anxious – and that’s the difference. When you have had time to recover fully you won’t even think about the way you think.

    My advice to you would be don’t think about thinking – I have had all sorts of thoughts hit me during recovery, as if anxiety trying to find a ‘new’ prob, sometimes it feels like a fast forward on a film. I know exactly what you mean about needing someone who’s totally recovered to reinforce the right thinking – and I am sure someone will put you on the right track but for now believe me you’re over thinking about it. Take care – you’re doing really well.

  551. lorryt Says:

    hi theresa

    i can relate to the dont think about thinming, thats exactly what im doing . its like my brain is on overdrive ! all the time , and jumping from one worrying thought to another, doubting taht anything will ever come right. i need to slow it down and let them pass.accepting again more practice and less speed at wanting to recover. i know we all want to get better but we cant rushit , comes in its own time and practise letting time pass. guess these things are sent to try us xxxxxx

  552. Caron Says:

    Hi guys,

    I hope i didnt upset anyone by anything I posted in my comment yesterday.

    I know what its like when you sometimes don’t like what you read and would never intend to do that.


  553. Helen Says:

    Hi Caron,
    It is very good that you have found this site and more importantly, I think, ordered the book as it made a huge difference to me and I am sure it will to you as well. The main thing that you will learn from the book and from reading posts on here is that trying to analyse how you are feeling like this, why you are feeling like this and trying to rationalise is no good as it only tires your mind and body further making anxiety worse. You have taken a very positive step by finding this site and ordering the book as you will learn that the only way to overcome anxiety is to just be yourself! These words may offer no comfort to you at the moment but in time you will completely understand where I am coming from, I know because I have been there. My very best to you x

  554. Caron Says:

    Thanks Helen,

    They do indeed offer comfort and I know that being myself and letting my thoughts come and go without paying them much attention is the way forward! Sometimes it takes a while to let yourself be able to do that though I suppose. I am looking forward to receiving the book and learning some more.


  555. Ferris Says:

    Hello, Its been 4 months since anxiety .I have basically recovered from most of the physical symptoms. The only issues I have left are the inward thinking and thoughts. Anyways a while back before I found Paul’s book I was desperate for answers going from psychologist to psychologist. Anyways most of them were somewhat helpful but Paul’s book really helped me more than anything.

    Anyways during my time of desperation I went to session with a so called “expert” he stated that it takes 5 years for GAD/anxiety to be treated. He even stated that he would rid me of panic attacks in 10 sessions. Panic attacks in which I did not even have anymore because I learned to control them within my first month . I never came back after that one session cause i know it was totally untrue. The problem is recently the thought of that “5 Years” has been popped in my head out of nowhere and it seems to have been locked there ( what if’s… ). I always been somewhat of a worry wart so it doesn’t help. A little support and reasurrance please?

  556. Helen Says:

    Hi Ferris,
    Anxiety has picked up on “5 years” and this is causing the ‘What if’s’. What if I feel like this for 5 years? What if it never goes away? What if I can’t cope? The only way to get through anxiety is to flow with it. It may take 5 years, it may not. Nobody knows, not even the ‘experts’. What you do know is that is that you have coped and that you will continue to do so. Don’t focus too much on 5 years, let the thoughts come to you and accept it. Take each day as it comes, don’t fight your thoughts, let them come and go as they please but don’t respect them and try to rationalise them and you will be free, one day. My best to you.

  557. Caron Says:

    Hi Guys,

    Can anyone help me with a ‘thought’ that has come on?

    Last night I was analysing why I have anxiety like this and the thought popped into my mind that maybe it is my boyfriend causing it?
    It is silly becasue he is the love of my life, we live together (have never lived with anyone before) and hopefully will marry. Of course now I am just going over all his bad points and the bad points of our relationship and convincing myself I must split up with him or I will never get better!

    I know deep down this is silly and splitting up with him is the last thing I want to do but the thought is there!

    Please can someone give me some reassurance that it is anxiety playing tricks on me……


  558. Helen Says:

    I had exactly the same thing and it is horrible and it floored me completely for a while. The worst thing that you can do is analyse what it happening because part of anxiety, for me anyway, is wanting perfection so that nothing goes wrong. As we all know, no relationship is perfect and when you try and analyse, you will find things you don’t particularily like or that you feel could be improved on, this is fine when you aren’t suffering from anxiety but your body and mind are in a heightened state ready to jump on any slight fear or worry. With anxiety you feel like there is something you have got to ‘put right’ or change. “if I do this or that, it will get better”. You are probably thinking that obviously your partner is the problem and so to fix it or get better you need to leave him. This isn’t true Caron. Deep down you know that you do not want to leave him but anxiety has taken over and you can’t stop the ‘what if’s’. What you need to do is to not try and push these thoughts away, don’t try and rationalise what you are thinking and don’t analyse them. Go about your every day routine and carry on as normal. Let the thoughts do what they want, you don’t have to act on them and I promise you it will go. Anxiety picks on the things you fear most and, quite often, on the people you love most. How else will it survive? You will be absolutely fine x

  559. Joe Says:

    Hi everyone,

    This is my first time posting, but I’m anything but new to this site or to anxiety. I’ve struggled with anxiety for a good 10 years, and have been reading the blogs on this site for about two. Like most people, the panic attacks were my major problem in the beginning, but when I finally got over them it seemed to me that the day to day generalized and social anxiety were far worse–and it was -pretty awful! I just wanted to emphasize the fact that you CAN get better, Paul’s “method” really works. I put it in quotations because it’s almost not really a method, because his advice requires you to do nothing! And that is really what it takes. I now consider myself almost completely recovered. I experience none of the unpleasant day to day sensations and obsessive/scary thoughts that I used to, and, even if “they” would return, the prospect no longer frightens me. The reason I remained in my anxious condition so long as I did was mainly because throughout those ten years I never fully accepted how I felt. There was always a little something I was holding back on. If I’d go out, I’d go out hoping my anxiety wouldn’t be too bad; when I woke up, I’d be sure to monitor my progress; I still analyzed my worried thoughts/feelings, thinking “it just might be something other than anxiety. When I finally gave all that up, and began to place NO CONDITIONS on how I felt, is when I really started to get better. So I think there are two basic keys to recovery. 1) Understand and BELIEVE that there is nothing majorly wrong with you, and the only reason for your poor feelings and obsessive/strange thinking is your underlying anxiety; and 2) Accept the fact that you feel this way now and that you might very well feel this way for a while yet, placing no conditions on yourself. Refuse to do any sort of mental gymnastics in effort to make yourself feel better, knowing that it will do no good anyway.

    Take care guys, I hope some of this helps!

  560. acd Says:

    Perfect post Joe. Great to read and encourage us who are going through it… but hopefully slowly coming out the other end now.

  561. Paulina Says:

    Hi there Paul and other members of this great site !

    I wrote in the other blog few days ago but I would love some advise from those that went through this awful thing.
    My story started with panic attacks about 5 months ago,,and for about 2 months ago it became anxiety 24/7. It was a horror movie. I wasnt googling anything until one day i just couldn’t hold it anymore and i googled my symptoms and the first page I arrived was here. I am sooo happy i did..

    I am so much better than three weeks ago.. but there are still a few things that I would love so feedback on

    My of my obssesive thinking is about my heart and health. I will be analysing what i eat because I will have thoughs of geting higgh colesterol, ot high blood sugar and then “what if” I get a heart attack. I have been trying to let the thoughs come but its been difficult not to pay attention to them.

    Everything affects me tremendously. If i hear about someone that commited suicidal or died..My mind will start wondering and worrying. Cause I will have these images of what if that happens to me.

    As a result, i’ve been kind of depressed. I want to cry very often and when I talk about it with the people that know about it.. I just get so sentimental and sad, and frustated.

    This is not me… I have never worried or obssesed about this kind of stuff and i feel as i am trapped in this dark cloud that has turned my life upside down.

    Thank you for reading.. and any good comments or feedback will be greatly welcome.

  562. Ben Says:

    Hi everyone, not been on here for a while as to be honest I have been doign reasonably well with my anxiety and found that reading this everyday was just giving it way too much focus that to be honest it didn’t deserve. I am however still struggling with one particular aspect which is the setback aspect for which I would be interested in anyones view on how best to deal with the way they seem to come on for me.

    I have noticed that they way they seem to come on is that everything is fine, anxiety is not important, couldn’t care less etc for a month or two and then suddenly there may be a minor anxiety related incident (blushing, feel a bit funny talking to someone etc) and then I start worrying it is all coming back, thinking about it a bit more and hey presto I feel crap again. So, whilst I am certainly beyond the point where I need to seek reassurance for every symptom and question them all, there still seems to be the odd occasion where something happens that makes me question everything for a few hours and the cycle starts again for a few weeks.

    I’m hoping I’m getting towards the end of my journey with this, so maybe that’s part of the problem trying to rush it, not fully accepting etc… hmmm…

    Thoughts ?

  563. steveo Says:

    I think this sums it up Ben… “I’m hoping I’m getting towards the end of my journey with this, so maybe that’s part of the problem trying to rush it”

    Keep up the good work, wish i was in your shoes :-)

  564. DCYL Says:

    Ben – I just covered it in my rather lengthy post last night. I was doing ok but felt my body get warm a bit and started obsessing about it.

    As Paul would say, it’s a “habit” of checking in on ourselves. I agree it’s difficult just when you think you’re doing well, then something comes up. It takes time to break a habit so the important thing is to not overreact when we get strange feelings.

    I’m working on this as well! Good luck!

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