Understanding Depersonalisation and Derealisation
“What causes Feelings of Unreality?”
What does depersonalisation feel like?
If you’re experiencing depersonalisation or derealisation, it can feel incredibly strange and unsettling.
The most common way people describe it is that life feels “like a dream.” Things can look hazy or unreal, as if there’s a fog between you and the world. You’re still here, still functioning, but something just doesn’t feel right, as though you have been snatched from reality.
I remember it feeling as though there was a barrier between me and everything around me, like I was watching life happen, rather than actually being part of it.
You may also feel disconnected from people, even those closest to you. Conversations can feel forced or distant, and at times you might even question whether you said something or imagined it.
You may find it hard to access any true emotions, like the love you used to feel for others is gone, or the joy you had for life has disappeared.
For many, the hardest part is the feeling of losing yourself — as if your personality has disappeared or you’re no longer the person you used to be.
Let me reassure you of something important:
You are not going mad.
What you are experiencing is a very common symptom of anxiety. It is not harmful, and it does pass with the right understanding and approach.
Even though the world feels different, nothing has actually changed. It’s your mind that is overwhelmed and not processing and perceiving things in the way it normally would.
Symptoms of Depersonalisation and Derealisation
- A sense of detachment from reality
- A total lack of emotions, feeling empty
- Blurred or cloudy vision
- The world appears flat, grey or one-dimensional
- Difficulty connecting and communicating with others
- You feel bound within yourself, becoming very self-aware of yourself and your actions
- Your speech is laboured and robotic
- Lack of joy and interest in activities
- Unable to concentrate
- Feeling like you are in a constant fog
- Feeling mentally and physically exhausted
Why Depersonalisation happens
From my own experience, and from helping many others, this usually comes down to one thing:
Your mind has simply become overwhelmed and exhausted.
When you’re anxious, you tend to constantly check how you feel:
- “Why do I feel like this?”
- “What’s wrong with me?”
- “Will I ever feel normal again?”
- “How do I overcome this?”
This can go on all day, every day.
Over time, all that thinking, analysing, and worrying takes its toll. Your attention turns inward, and you become completely focused on yourself and how you feel.
The more your focus turns inward, the more disconnected you begin to feel from the outside world.
At the same time, your brain is under constant strain. Just like your body gets tired after physical effort, your mind gets tired from overthinking and worry.
That tiredness shows up as:
- brain fog
- confusion
- detachment
- that strange “unreal” feeling
Your brain ends up like a computer with too many tabs open. It can no longer cope with all the excessive worry and overthinking, which is why everything begins to feel hazy, dream-like, and hard to process.
The effects of constant worry and concern
.
One of the biggest problems with depersonalisation is the cycle it creates.
You feel strange → you worry about it → you focus on it → it feels stronger → you worry even more.
Before long, it becomes a habit to constantly check in with yourself:
“How do I feel now?”
“Is it better or worse?”
“Why is this feeling still here?”
I used to do this from the moment I woke up.
The problem is, the more you focus on it and worry about it, the more you keep your mind in that same exhausted, inward state.
That’s what keeps the feeling going.
What causes Depersonalisation and Derealisation?
Depersonalisation is not limited to anxiety alone. It can also occur after:
- Loss or grief
- Past trauma or abuse
- Severe stress or shock
- Adverse reactions to substances
In these cases, the mind may trigger a protective response. This “shutdown” effect helps reduce emotional overload, allowing a person to continue functioning while temporarily dampening emotional intensity.
I often describe it like a computer going into safe mode.
You can still function, but certain things — like emotions, clarity, and connection — are reduced while your brain tries to recover.
How do I recover from Depersonalisation?
Moving towards recovery
This is the part that can feel the most difficult, but also the most important.
Recovery doesn’t come from trying to “fix” the feeling.
It comes from changing how you respond to it.
Instead of constantly analysing it, fighting it, or trying to escape it, the goal is to:
- Allow it to be there
- Stop treating it as dangerous
- And begin to shift your attention back to life
I know that’s not always easy, especially when it feels so intense.
But the less you react to it, the less your mind stays in that stressed, inward state.
Over time, your mind begins to settle and recalibrate, and the feeling gradually fades.
So, rather than see it as a problem to overcome, begin to see it as your intelligent mind protecting you and not a sign that something terrible is happening or that you are going crazy.
Below is one of many emails I received from people who were convinced they would never find a way out of this condition.
Hi there Paul,
I just wanted to thank you. After countless doctor’s visits, I still never knew what I suffered from until I found your website!! I have suffered from terrible anxiety for the last year following a panic attack I had back in February. After finding you for the first time back in November and following your advice, I am making huge strides in my recovery. I suffered terribly from depersonalisation and these strange, scary thoughts. The depersonalisation was so frightening and even more so as no one ever explained to me what it was until your book talked me through it. I saw a social worker for six months, and she let me suffer for so long without any explanation of my symptoms. I honestly and truly thought this was me forever. With your advice, I am improving every day. The depersonalisation is completely gone, and now I am working on letting go of these crazy thoughts!!
God bless you, and thanks for everything you do
Kind Regards
Janet
Helpful tips on overcoming Depersonalisation and Derealisation
- Carry on with your normal life, as best you can, even if you feel strange.
- Engage with others, even if this feels uncomfortable
- Avoid overthinking or analysing how you feel
- Reduce excessive checking of symptoms
- Accept that recovery from this condition takes time
- Allow the experience to be present without trying to escape it
- Realise that this condition is temporary and not harmful in any way
- Go out into nature and engage in some form of exercise
- Don’t be impressed by how you feel at any given time. See all of your symptoms as part of the condition, but don’t be concerned by any of them.
- Learn to focus your attention outward, rather than inward
- Take a real look at your life and find as many ways as you can to reduce stress and worry. The less you put your mind through, the sooner it will heal.
Final note
Depersonalisation can feel unsettling, but it is a known and temporary response associated with stress and overactivation of the mind. Many people recover by reducing worry, allowing the experience, and gradually re-engaging with life.
The more the condition is fought or analysed, the more it tends to persist. The more it is allowed to exist without fear, the more it begins to fade over time.
Depersonalisation is the subject I have been asked about more than any other over the years. For those who want further reading, I go into far more detail in my book ‘At last a Life‘ and explain how I was able to recover from this harmless yet disturbing condition.
You can also read my personal recovery story from depersonalisation
Tarmo was also someone who came to me for help when he suffered terribly from this condition and thought there was no way out. Here, you can read his story of how he overcame depersonalisation.