Will I ever recover from anxiety?

Sorry the post is a day late, but better late than never :)

Secondly the blog has been very busy this month, an amazing amount of posts. One reason maybe is because I added a few posts and reply’s into the book and made reference to the blog. So to all the new people, welcome and I hope it is helping. Todays post comes as I have seen the words ‘I don’t believe I will ever be better’ or ‘Can I really be recovered, I can never believe that’ phrases like that pop up often on here.

Many people have different symptoms and in this post I am just going to stick with the psychological symptoms, as that is what seems to bother people the most, like the oddness, the strange thoughts, the attention on oneself, the unreality, etc…A tired mind has been spoke about by me before, but let’s just clear this up in more detail for the last time.

All these symptoms above come from a tired mind, a mind that has been exhausted with worry, with deep thinking, with concern. These symptoms will not exist without a tired mind, FACT. I felt all these symptoms for years, I no longer feel them because my mind is no longer tired, that is the only difference, nothing else. Why are people coming back here and saying they are feeling better, that the symptoms have eased? Because their mind is still tired, but not as much, they have through understanding finally given it some breaks.

I saw a post last week saying ‘I still think this is more, I worry I am going to get carted off somewhere, I worry I am going crazy, I worry that….’ this person has not a hope in hell of reversing the process with this mind set, how much of a daily onslaught has this mind to go through? That is the exact onslaught mine went through and I know where it took me, I went over and over my condition, I worried the hell out of my day, thought so deeply I could hardly register what was going on around me, nothing would ever change in this state, in fact I got worse, which makes so much sense to me now, but then I just thought there was no way out. The only reason I got worse for years is because I did everything wrong, the only reason I am the person I am today is because I began to do things right.

To come through this stage we have to understand and believe that this is a tired mind and give it the breaks it needs.

The way I got through was to finally realise that this was the reason why I felt odd and distant, my mind raced, I had odd obsessive thoughts. This understanding had stopped me worrying daily and spending so much time trying to fix it, at last the mind had a small break. I then had to live alongside the way I felt, yuck it’s not great, but I had no choice, I stopped fighting the strangeness, I accepted my irrational thoughts as normal, I had to, my mind would only repair itself with a break, while it was tired and fatiqued it may continue to play a few tricks and that was fine, it was not reality.

I actually remember going swimming each week and all through the swim, questioning why I felt odd, worrying about my condition, why does everything seem so distant, ‘why does that clock on the wall look so odd’? ‘Why do the children laughing seem so strange?’ questioning, questioning and then starting again on the bus home ‘Why could everyone else enjoy themselves and I can’t? ‘I have to figure this out’. The week I had my new attitude and understanding I said to myself, ‘No more questioning, I will take all the oddness and strangeness with me this time, it’s just my tired mind, it really does not matter how I feel. The swim was still odd and strange, but not as bad, I for once had not pounded my already tired mind. The silly thoughts no longer filled me with dread or fear as I understood them, so they could ramble away, I never had them before the tired mind, so they were not important.

It made sense now, I had hit on something here. I actually felt elated and could not wait to keep going this way. I was put to the test many times, up and down, weeks of freedom, then bham worse than ever, but the same attitude ‘Paul, take it with you, live alongside it until it passes’. I went everywhere like this, I would visit a stately home with my partner and feel odd and not with it, look at something and have to read the description twice, but I no longer questioned why, it was just my tired mind, in time I would be able to take everything in. In fact once I accepted it as part of me, it was also nowhere near as bad or scarey.

I had finally been able to live with how I felt, I had accepted this was me for the time being, as horrid as it was at times. But improvements began to spur me on. I began to feel more and more involved in the world around me, I began to think less and less of ‘me’, I took up new hobbies and began to fill my week up with other things instead of sitting around doing nothing, but worrying about the state I was in. The tired mind made so much sense, it was not built to take all this stress and strain, all this worry and deep thinking, no wonder it began to take it’s revenge, it wanted a break, a much needed break and it would once again become flexible. So to all those who wonder if they can get better, without the tired mind, these symptoms can’t exist. I and others who have recovered are not special or chosen, everyone can make it, it just takes and understanding and patience. So when you feel like this symptoms of a tired mind there is nothing to fix, just allowing yourself to feel this way gives the mind the break it needs, it’s just like stopping walking when your legs are tired.

Just to add something to the post above for everyone as to not get confused. The thoughts through a tired mind tend to be those that stick, the obsessive ones, which is the symptoms of a tired mind. The scary thoughts tend to come with the anxious state, as I have said anxiety needing a release and manifesting itself into scary thoughts, again of no importance. Scary thoughts that tend to stick are a combination of anxiety (excess adrenalin) finding a release and the tired mind, again of no importance, pay them no mind, just move on with you day no matter how much they seem to bite. I tended to have few scary thoughts, more just obsessive, where I coould just not seem to switch it off, going over something trivial and not seeming to shake it off, I soon learnt to let it ramble and not get involved.

In the next post I will cover the physical symptoms, but I hope this helps for now. Also a quick note to finish, everyone who was around last year will know I and another member here did a 10k charity run at the start of April for anxietycare. Well this year I am starting some voluntry work at my local hospice and will be doing it for them this year. As I did last year I will post some pics up after the event, for now though I need to get back into shape, the bad snow has put me way behind.


For more help visit www.anxietynomore.co.uk

For more information about my book ‘At last a life’ visit


353 Responses to “Will I ever recover from anxiety?”

  1. Paul David Says:

    This is a test

  2. Candie Says:

    LOl is anybody out thereeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

  3. lisa Says:

    meeeeeeeeeeee lol

  4. Davidina Says:

    Hi Paul – Hi Candie. Thought I would be the 3rd to check in. Still can’t believe the work you do and time you spend to help all of us out here. Your an angel in disguise. Thank you so much . X

  5. T Says:

    what is going on??

  6. Paul David Says:

    T – Read the above post, we seem to have lost all the replys with the switch to a new host, still trying to hopefully get them back, but they could be lost forever which will be a shame.


  7. scarlet Says:

    Looks like only the replies after August are not showing, the replies to the earlier posts are there…..

  8. Candie Says:

    lol Lisa you big dafty. Hi Davidina, glad you like the posts here, there is so many lovely people who help out here and thats what makes it work. Its not like a forum as they are all down stories about meds and doom and gloom. You may here about peoples ups and downs on here but its a positive place where anyone can recover.

    Paul i looked in admin some of the old posts have come back?

  9. Diana Says:

    Don’t worry Paul, even if this post’s comments are lost they will come back in multitude!

  10. Paul David Says:

    Yes Candie some seem to be stuck in a timewarp there, still trying to get the others back, it’s a massive job as there are so many there, I will have a proper go and trying further when I have more time, it’s rugby day today :)

    Yes Diana hopefully, just looks like a ghost town at the minute, I will keep trying.

  11. Jody Beauchamp Says:

    Hi everyone. I am the newest anxiety victim on here. I have been reading the threads on here and have taken advice and I must say I am feeling better. I still have anxiety, especially in the mornings. I cant sleep through the night and awaken with anxiety. 6 weeks ago my two year old developed a lump on her neck, and I automatically went into anxiety state. Throwing up, no sleep, couldnt function etc..well she is fine, but I have always been a excessive worrier. The anxiety went away, then one morning I awoke and felt dizzy, sick. I again went into the mode of im dieing. I went to the doctor and he checked me from head to toe. I was fine. He gave me antidepressants and anxiety meds that I took for 2 dys. I slept for 3 days straight..no food..just a little water i could hold down, so whenever i stood i was dizzy and vomiting. This again thru me into panic..ughhhhhh..the cycle. I came upon this site, and have began to try and retrain my mind..to let it go when the thoughts come. I tell myself my mind is tired. I also allow myself rest when tired..and one thing I did yesterday is clean my house, which is something I have neglected since this happened. I couldnt find the energy to get off the couch. My arms still feel like noodles at times, and my head goes into “what if” mode” ALL the time, but I have found if I physically move during the day it helps. Maybe thats where exercise comes in. During this ordeal I have lost my job becasue of the stress of all of it and I was ashamed to tell them what was happening so I didnt bother to even call them. Im taking it one day at a time, not worrying what will happen tomorrow or how I was yesterday. One question I have is this..if the mind is tired and your asleep..why do I awaken with anxiety and why cant I sleep? It seems if I am asleep, the brain is resting so I can stay asleep?? Any advice? Thanks everyone for letting me vent..again :)

  12. lisa Says:

    were all here 2 help each other so thats a big positive 😉 “lets do the time warp again” LOL…

  13. Teresa J Says:

    Hi all – yes i agree with diana, they will soon build up again . a lot of work for you Paul – i am sure we are all so grateful for the time you spend keeping this site going. Hope the rugby went well –

  14. yolande Says:

    Hi all,

    A bad day today for me – a lot of negativity and low spirits.
    Does it ever get easier???

    Sarlet, when you were recovering have you ever wondered if you were praticsing the right way? I mean, doctors and psychiatrist cant help or dont know how to help so we are left with self-help books like claire weekes and this site. how do you know if you are doing it the right way?

    I scare myself sometimes thinking what if i am practiscing it all wrong and am getting worse instead of better?? i know this is a negative thought but it cud be a legitimate thought??

    Appreciate yours or any others who wud like to comment.

    thank you

  15. yolande Says:

    sometimes i just wonder when the end to all these will come – i scare myself sometimes thinking thus.

    and sometimes even without thinking so i feel afraid. I suppose this is anxiety again. it’s so v v hard to remember that anxieyt has so many tricks and to just keep going on and on and accepting.

    I just need some encouragement here. thank you all

  16. Eileen Says:

    Yolande, I think we are going through the same stages…
    I have put up with anxiety for many years – different symptoms, intensity and periods of time.

    I had a bad time at Christmas, when I became very low and anxiety hit hard. I had found this site in October and was following the advice..

    Symptoms vary from day to day.. currently I have very tense head, neck and shoulders leading to tension headaches.. Also waking up with stomach churning.

    Am continuing to keep the faith ie walking the dog, cleaning the house, socialising ie cinema and pub quiz. Ialso try to get out each day and do something productive.

    Yolande, I sometimes feel like you, in that I wonder if what I am doing is the right way, can’t stop thinking about the anxiety at times, but try to work through it.

    Like you I have tried every type of treatment in the past, ie acupuncture, massage, reflexology, reiki, tablets, counselling all to no avail.. so I will continue with the advice on this site and Pauls excellent book and hope that I am doing things the right way.

    I know its putting further pressure on my already stessed system by wondering if what I am doing is right, so I try not to keep thinking about it..
    NOt easy, but we have to try.
    Have booked a holiday abroad for April so trying to look forward to that, and have attended several family events which have been good.

    I also had a fabulous retirement ‘do’ with my work colleagues, which I had been previously afraid of attending.

    I hope we are both on the right track.. and will sometime in the future be two of the ones who will return to help others having survived and come through stronger and feeling better.

    Best wishes to you and everyong else. xx Eileen

  17. Jody Beauchamp Says:

    Hello everyone,
    I know this place isnt meant to be a crutch, but it seems to help me a bit. Hope noone minds! I have a few questions I hope someone can answer. I have a hard tme staying asleep..which in turn is making me exhausted during the day. When I wake up in the morning, I feel anxious. I usually get out of bed and come to the computer and check emails etc until the sun comes up, then the baby gets up after that and I go about my day. Yesterday was a ok day I guess..I didnt have the attacks that I normally do and I didnt awaken in a panic today, just woke up and feel anxious. During the day, when all this started I couldnt move..literally. I laid and slept and when I did get up to use the bathroom I would run back to bed feeling so exhausted. When I feel the need to just sit around I try and get up and do something. I used to be a very good sleeper before all this came on…I am taking a sominex before bedtime..I dont know if I should be or not. I just feel tired all day. I am seeing times where i feel normal, they are few and far between but its starting to happen. I will feel disconnected and realize that Im thinking about it and that I was fine a few minutes earlier. Im not forcing anything, im letting myself feel like crap if I need to..but I also try not to sit around and think of it all day and when I realize that I am I try and do something productive.
    I remember 2 weeks ago, when this all came on, i folded a pair of pants and that was all I did. I tried to do something to get my mind off it and that was all I could do! I was looking around my house thinking oh my god! I felt like I had been invaded in my own body becasue I had no control. Thank goodness I found this site and know now I am not the only one..which is reassuring! I have eliminated all caffeine out of my day to keep my nerves calm. I was a big time caffeine junkie! Coffee, energy drinks etc, I find water helps. Anyway..thanks everyone..and thank you paul for this site. Im buying the book!

  18. Colin Says:

    Hi,my first post in here.Great site bytheway!Ive suffered anxiety for years on and off.For the last few years ive been prescribed flupentixol for mild depression with anxiety.They were fast acting and had a sedatory affect.However i have come to realise that i suffer anxiety,mostly social,and not depression at all.I was always very shy at school and used to sit at the back hoping not to get asked questions by the teachers.Now in adulthood(im in my 40’s)even though i run a small business and deal with lots of people im still introverted and in particular suffer the usual symptoms of anxiety especially with strangers.And im studying with the open university which is great.But in a few weeks i have a 2 hour tutorial and im terrified of being in a group with strangers and not knowing what to say or the possibility of revealing my lack of experience to people my age and younger or putting people off with nervousness.Any tips would be gratefully received.
    Another thing i notice,and i hope this isnt paranoia,is sometimes when im out and about anywhere if i get a frown from someone i immediately go into my shell and feel tense.Is this just me or a common experience?It may be from someone i know or a complete stranger.Maybe im just oversensitive and if i didnt have the anxiety i wouldnt notice?
    Anyway the good news is that i havent taken a prescribed tablet for 10 weeks now.(i had only been taking 1 or 2 each week prior to then anyway)I started reading this blog and it encouraged me not to focus as much on any symptoms and that somedays they will be less intense which is true for me anyway.I still have bad days but good ones are getting more frequent.But i now need to transfer myself into situations were i would normally feel my worst,ie a tutorial, and behave and talk spontaneously.Normally under these circumstances i wouldnt be able to concentrate on other peoples conversation through being consumed by all the different symptoms.And when im like this i tend to say the most stupid things and worry that people would think im thick when im not.
    Anyway hope someone has the time to read and possibly reply to this and good luck with your own battles!Cheers!

  19. T Says:

    yolande,I think you are pressuring yourself too much to “practice the right way” I think it just makes you more anxious,when you are questioning”am I doing this right or not?could I do it better,etc,” Dont try to be perfect,just live with this thing,live your life as normal and as best as you can. Find the joy in little things. that’s what I do. Even if its just watching a show you like on tv,or eating something delicious,small stuff like that. you understand what I mean?
    I have one question for scarlet or anyone who maybe has an explanitaion: in the night when I go out,I always feel more in a dream than when its day. I dont know why is that. Is it becuase of the fake street lights and not natural day light? I always loved going out at night,night was my favourite time of the day,but now I hate it.( I still make myself go out,but I dont feel good)

  20. MLK Says:

    Hi Everyone,
    I have been doing fine the past few weeks, not terrible but not amazing either. I feel like anxiety is there all the time, even when I dont pay attention to it. I feel some depersonalization at times, but I have not panicked like I had before when the episodes would come about. I am went out with friends this weekend and had a great time, but I had to drive back home by myself and then I started feeling crappy again. Its like negative thoughts just take over my mind sometimes. I am constantly wondering if I will ever feel better, and I feel like my mind is always chattering. I dont hesitate to do things, I even went to a movie by myself because I wanted to and I actually enjoyed it. I felt good after that, but then I start thinking again, and I always feel weird. Like I am not myself..its a weird thing to describe. I know what needs to be done in order to feel better, but at the same time its like my mind is not fully in-tune in order to recover, like it hasnt clicked yet. Some days I feel like it has clicked, I dont see anxiety as a barrier and I genuinely get it, but not so much recently. I know that there are many stages to recovery and i defintely think I have come a long way from before I found Paul’s website and book, but it is still hard. If anyone can provide any words of encouragement, I would greatly appreciate it! :) Thanks! Hope all is well with everyone!

  21. James Says:

    A small update on my last message.

    I am definitely getting the hang of this, and am even now getting the stage where I can carry on most of my day not caring about anxiety. I think as the days and weeks go on, I will continue to improve.

    One thing that is bothering me a bit though, is my obsessing. I don’t just obsess about anxiety. I obsess about anything and everything. It is like my mind just has to have a thought to ruminate about.

    I have a lot of self-criticism going on in my head, and I am unsure whether I should be addressing these thoughts, or letting them go. I am concerned that I have a separate obsession problem to anxiety.


  22. alexi Says:

    hey everyone. I have been suffering heavcy duty anxiety, thick depersonalisation and have seen my life collapse infront of my eyes. i read pauls book several times and htink i am on the right track.

    however I have a question for Paul or anyone who thinks they could help wit this:

    would EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) help with anxiety. I ve read about it and how it can cure post traumatic stress.

    Also I am thinking of meditating everyday and listening to relaxation tapes. are these advised or would it be “doing too much” to get better.

    any advice on this would be much appreciated.

    Hang in there everyone.

  23. yolande Says:

    Thanks Eileen and T,
    It’s a really tiring business – recovering from anxiety. sometimes you get it, sometimes you dont. it can really get your spirits down but i try to learn to take it easy, one day at a time. v difficult for me cos i am the impatient type who wants things fast and quick. well, too bad, with anxiety there is no chance of a quick recovery.

    Yesterday while watching TV, I had a flash of understanding of acceptance. it was really strange – but for that brief moment i had an eureka moment and knew what i had to do. i know that i wud probably lose this thought or feeling the next day, but never mind, i have experienced it and i know how to go on from there.

    MLK, i think i know what you are trying to say. sometimes i feel ok (not bad, not great) usually when watching TV. then i wud notice that i am feeling ok, and then once i think thus i usually feel weird immed. i guess it’s cos we are still tuning in to how we feel. like this morning when i woke, i felt ok and i started to focus on it, and you guesss it, i felt weird immed. i suppose this is a normal process of recovery.

    For me, getting myself to do things or go out is still a problem. i just dont have the interest. but i am slowly trying to overcome this. i have been trying to find this in Claire Weekes books on whether she has any advice re this – if anyone has come across it pls let me know. thks

    Perhaps Scarlet, Diana or any others cud comment.

  24. T Says:

    yolande what you describe is exactly how I feel. That’s exactly what I wrote in my previous posts about feeling good,then focusing on it,tunning in and then feeling bad again. I know how you feel,trust me. My emotions change so much in one day,I feel down and hopeless(see no end to this), feel scared and then I would get a rush of positive thinking and everything becomes clear but then I am bad again and that goes on and on whole day. So many crazy thoughts in my head,its awful. May I ask how long have you been suffering from anxiety?? And try doing something to distract you and like I said enjoy in small things. Cook something that you love to eat and just enjoy in that moment or listen to a song you love and let yourself enjoy even if its only for 3 minutes.

  25. yolande Says:

    Hi T,

    I am into my 6th month of anxiety. Slowly recovering but it’s like one step forwards and 2 steps back sometimes. v frustrating. it’s all i can do to hang in there sometimes.

    yes trying to find things to cheer myself up.

    sometimes i even get scared to worry abt normal things cos i am so afraid that worrying will make my anxiety worse. sometimes i get normal everyday worries but there are always one or two that i wud latch on more than others.

    not sure if anyone else feels like this.

  26. Davidina Says:

    I’m still pretty new to the site, but have read Paul’s book and am now getting the gist. I have felt a little better over the past few days but am still very anxious. I said in a previous post that I put a face on for everybody. Paul says, don’t do that The thing that hurts me the most is that when my family visit, I feel at my worst. Even thinking about them coming, the headache is so severe. I love them most in my life, and can’t understand. So, what do I do. Tell them how I feel? I realize that I’m a worrier and I must tackle that. Has anyone else out there felt like this. Most posts I read are that people feel most comfortable with their family. Is there something wrong with me. Please help.

  27. Jody Beauchamp Says:

    Hi everyone..I wanted to post something pretty awesome(I think anyway) I think I got it. I felt pretty clear yesterday..did what i would normally do, not what I think I should be doing to ease symptoms. I felt better. I was still tired as heck, and just played on the computer and had a couple phone conversations,however it was what I wanted to do. I felt anxious this morning, woke up yet again and had a panic but I told myself that it was excess adereneline and let it go. I wish I could go back to sleep, but I feel tense. Its ok..one day I will sleep like a baby. I have had anxiety all my life and I look at it like this. If I have to suffer for a little bit to learn to deal with this, and rid myself of this paralyzing thing..then it will all be worth it. Right now I am learning and just dealing with it..letting it go right along with my day. We will see what today brings! Hopefully a anxiety free day, but if not..I know I will see such a day in the future! Thanks everyone..for all you do :)

  28. Jody Beauchamp Says:

    also I want to add that I read somewhere on here to eliminate caffeine. I NEVER drank water before..unless it was in soda or something. I drink tons of it now, partly to ease my dry mouth..the other is my doctor told me that muscles can become tense becasue of dehydration..this includes the brain. I find that being properly hydrated, vitamins, a good diet and exercising are helping a bit. It is something I will continue to do even after I come out the other side. Im still feeling anxious this morning, I have the fight or flight going on..ughhhhh..arms spagetti noodles and so tired..very very tired. It will get better…

  29. Fiona Says:

    Hi Colin, it is important not to confuse anxiety and depression. I have only suffered from anxiety and i know this because i have a friend who suffers from depression and they are quite different. My anxiety came on after a period of stress, basically over night rather that something i have dealt with for most of my life like yourself. What you said about sitting in class really struck a cord as i’m a school teacher and can think of lots of kids who probably feel how you did. A shy person can be happy and confident in there own way and i’m sure that is how you felt before anxiety set in. Now your shyness and ‘normal’ anxiety over a social occasion will be greatly magnified. When you come out of the anxious state you will be 100% more confident but you must not let worry over a social occasion become so important and take up so much focus. I problem is only a problem if you worry about it. Accept you’ll feel anxious but dont waste brain power thinking about how anxious you will be, its not worth it, it wont change anything. Worrying does not have the power to change anything.

    can i just say that 6 months is not long to have suffered. I think back to being on holiday in Spain when i was 6 months into it and i was so much worse than i am now, in fact its difficult to believe i had so little control over it. IT IS UP AND DOWN. That can be hard to accept as i know it was for me but its true, i still have up and down at the mostly up as i have learned how to move past anxiety and all that it involves and the more i do this the more confident i become and the less of the hold i feel it has. It has took a while and yes there is time you cant believe you will recover but it is all about patience and i know its the worst word to use because you just want it over, but it will go in time. But you must be prepared to stick it out, read and learn from here.

    Fi xxx

  30. Fiona Says:

    I have various parts of posts that i have copied over the time i have used this blog from people who have came and went or are still here.
    Since a few posts have been lost i will put them up as i think they will be very helpful as i know they were for me.
    Fi xx

  31. Fiona Says:

    This is post from Paul from a while back which i think covers lots of really important points and i’m sure people will find useful.

    we all feel fear, the only thing is we associate fear with a fearful situation and wonder then why we feel it for no real reason, this is why people think they are ‘losing it’ but they are not, it is just a false fear brought on by a sensitised body, a bit of adrenalin on tired nerves, it is totally harmless. I felt like this many times through my own recovery and it truly just became a feeling that hardly bothered me as I understood it. I got to the stage where I did not care if I felt a rush of adrenalin or not and that should always be the attitude, come if you wish I am not running away anymore and everytime I managed fine, in fact I would say is that it, is that all you have, is that the feeling I have been running away from all this time? Once we feel any fear and go into fight or flight our body is saying well its up to you, run or fight and when we do neither, it calms as its job is done, this was what happened everytime with me, I may feel a little after shock of mild anxiety, but that was it.

    Before if I was doing a task and the curtain of dread and anxiety fell, I would go on autopilot with the task I was doing and concentrate on me again and why I felt so bad and try and fix it, but I knew in time this was wrong and the next time the cloud of anxiety fell, I let it and just carried on with the task in hand there was nothing to fix. And again in time I stopped worrying about me so much and I became more involved in what was around me, I was bothering less and less about me. This took time but the rewards were great.

    So what I needed to do was change this process and let other things into my day, live in the present and stop worrying about me, the past and the future, it was time to escape from my own mind, to unlock some doors and begin to live again. So I had to begin teach myself to live in the present. If I had to cook, then I would cook, I would not cook and worry about me anymore. If I went to the shop to buy some groceries then that is what I would do, I would not spend the whole walk thinking about how to escape from my anxiety. Of course the habit to think about me was there, I felt as though my mind was on me most of the day, but that was fine, that was a habit, this would thaw in time as long as I continued to practice this way.

    I have quite a few more which are equally helpful and will post them if people think they will be of benefit.

    Fiona xx

  32. Paul David Says:

    The thing that hurts me the most is that when my family visit, I feel at my worst. Even thinking about them coming, the headache is so severe. I love them most in my life, and can’t understand. So, what do I do. Tell them how I feel?

    Davidina the reason you feel worse than ever when family visit, is probably because you really care how it goes, it means so much to you and you put yourself under extra pressure. I would say something, they are your family after all and trust me will be far more understanding than you think they will be. Just telling them will take so much pressure of you and you then wont feel the need to act your way through, wanting things to be perfect. Just try and explain how you feel they will be far more understanding than you think, it is far better than trying to run and rush around, hiding how you feel, this can be exhausting I know.


  33. T Says:

    yolande,I am in my 5th month of suffering,but it feels like forever. I also feel I take step forward to being good again,then I slip back again,its frustrating,but I don’t wont to give up. That is the most important thing-“You’ll never know if you could have won if you give up”. We need to keep hope and faith that one day this will be behind us. Do you go to the therapist or psychiatrist or talk to someone besiede this site? although doctors dont know that much about anxiety and its weird symptoms, they can help you with every day worries,”normal” fears. Help you cope better. I go every 2 weeks,sometimes it helps,and its also nice when a proffesional tells you that you are not going crazy.( although we all know that,you still need that reassurence from time to time).

  34. Davidina Says:

    Paul – Thank you so very much for your reply. I never wanted to say to my family as because I drive my car,go swimming (both of which I have no problem) they think i am BETTER. I suppose its pride that I don’t tell them how I really feel all day. I have read your book over and again, and have marked down lots of pages that I adhere too. I’ve been out for lunch. coffee etc with a few friends since reading reading your book. I’m not saying it was perfect but a lot of the time I found myself chatting away and didn’t realize I wasn’t (checking in). ME, sitting with lots of people around me, great. It might not be so good next time, but who cares, I am going. I know I’m a worrier and find that hard, as a thought can make me feel panicky, but I am working on that now, through your advice. Goodness, no-one said this was easy. p.s. This checking-in thing always makes me anxious – I thought it was only me. Now I consider it an of-shoot of anxiety and a bad habit, that will hopefully go when I stop worrying about it. (Again from your book) Thank you so so much for your advice about family and I will tell them. I so want to progress. I know I will have to take the good with the bad, and with the help of your book and everyone else’s support out there, I pray to find the strengh. X

  35. Davidina Says:

    FIONA – great post. Your words have given me an insight of what I can achieve. It was of great benefit to me. Keep them coming X

  36. yolande Says:


    thanks for posting that bit from Paul re ‘fear’ = it’s ironical as this morning i had a bit of fearful feelings. So your post was just in time! Thank you

    T, i know we all have to soldier on……. on 2 ways about it really. i suffer on and off from depression, fearful feelings, churning stomachs etc it’s like they take turns to come on. lol. some days are easier to bear than others and sometimes i get impatient with time.

    All the best to all in their recovery process!

  37. Steve Says:

    Hi everyone,

    I am a 20 year old man from Korea. I am not a native english speaker so sorry in advance if my english is hard to understand or bad. I have been struggling with my anxiety problem for 1 month now and I am so glad that I just found Paul’s website and blog. Everything posted by Paul and you guys here makes so much sense and has helped me so much. I am just looking forward to seeing you guys and shareing my expereiences too. Just one thing that came across in my mind. Everything around me stays the same but it is just me that feeling anxious and with full of scary thoughts…how weird is that?



  38. Stephen Says:

    Hi scarlet,

    Havent been on here in forever, and dont know if u remember that much but you helped me lots over the last two years. up untill now i was on a really good path and i almost had months of pure normality where i wouldnt even think anxiety. i truely believed i was back but this year i have i have had a few more setbacks and havent been my best laterly. although i have made huge strives there are just a few of my fears/feelings i cant seem to shred completely. i was doing this random questionare thing and it was asking questions like what ur moods are like, do u feel anxious/depressed and all these other questions and it just got my mind going and knocked me for 6 so to speak. sometimes i get really random feelings that come over me that feel like impedinging doom/anxiousness/down which is like a shock and what i hate. as i question my mental state and think i have a mood disorder or something similar. its the only thing i struggle to deal with. did you ever get things like this out of the blue and worry how random they are? i know anxiousness can come out of anywhere and everyone feels sorta down abit when these feelings come across and abit overwhelmed as we where feeling good/happy before, but i associated these feeling with depression when i think it could be the same feeling everyone feels but cuz depression is my fear it rings bell for me. i know i will get over this setback but its just a little tough at the moment. its funny when i get these feelings and something distracts me i feel back to normal only for memory to take me back to how i was feeling before. any advice or experience with this sorta thing would be greatly appreciated.

    thanks again scarlet, hope your well 😀

  39. Patrick Says:

    Hi, haven’t posted for a long time, been having a really really good run. For months I have felt almost normal, and any symptoms have been so mild I barely noticed them. Of course I have had many good days and yes, quite a few bad days but nothing that I would label a “set back” as such.

    Until yesterday that is, when I had feelings of panic almost out of the blue. I’m not even sure you could label it a setback, what does it matter, but yes, I felt worse than I have in a real long time! Today I still feel an underlying panic that just hasn’t been around for ages. I expect bad days and have had quite a few, but just ridden them and they have passed. I’m assuming this is no different evn thought I do feel a lot worse ?

    Any support and advice appreciated.


  40. Patrick Says:

    I just re read this months post and the following pretty much sums up where I am:

    “I was put to the test many times, up and down, weeks of freedom, then bham worse than ever, but the same attitude ‘Paul, take it with you, live alongside it until it passes’.”

    I think I am at the ‘bham worse than ever’ bit or at least feel like I did when this whole thing started. The difference is that although unpleasant, I do have a better attitude towards it – before I just was looking for a way for it to end, endlessly trawling for a way out. Whereas now I think well OK, this is not nice but it will pass and I will feel better than ever.

  41. Jody Beauchamp Says:

    Good morning everyone. I again awoke in a panic. When I went to sleep, I was calm and watching tv. I dont understand? I have the fight or flight going on, cant sit still..and to top it off the hubby is packing us to move back to michigan as he thinks this is the reason I have anxiety, that I am homesick. He does not understand at all and he thinks this will or should be fixed over nite. Right now half my house is in a box and all I want to do is rest..ughhhhh.

  42. sasha Says:

    Hello EVERYBODY..

    Let me tell u about my improvement…

    I have come till this stage where I am now because of this site i can say…n practising what they said helped them recover…

    I felt crappy at times ..I moved ahead by deviating my attention to something like reading, browsing watching tv…At first u may not enjoy but gradually u can see urself getting more involved in it though u have a lot of ‘me’ moments..its natural..As Paul said its just a reversal of habit…
    and sometimes u may feel too difficult to pull the attention on urself to the outside world u may even have DP..but if u sit there calmly u can notice urself that it passes by instead if u panic and force urself to feel normal it will not come..

    My attittute is I hav seen the worst and nothing happened really bad to me though p’pl may have thought I acted a bit odd but who cares because its ur life and ultimately u want to c urself as a normal person leading a normal life..so consider it as a journey ..

    In your journey u learn a lot of things…its a learning curve..u learn to let go of ur thots…most of the thots r so unwanted…

    1. I’m learning how to give no attention to negative thoughts initially it was just thoughts regarding anxiety ..now normal thoughts too come to my mind..so if it is negative I could easily brush it aside unlike before so there is no continuation of negativity so thats kind of a relief..

    2. It helps to focus on what u want to do in life( later stages) if u r person who is bothered about other people or too concerned about other people about what they think u will never get anywhere in ur life..Now I’m able to concentrate on my life and see what i want in my life rather than thinking of all ‘what ifs’ as i tell myself each time go ahead no worries as it was these ‘what ifs’ that led me into the viscious circle of thinking then worry..then anxiety n finally panic..!

    So no to all those things..

    Get out and do something for ur day…walk, talk, shop( window shopping) anything and evrything to make ur day busy..slowly u get interested in ur life u start liking it..but u need patience and perserverance…

    In this journey u learn how to cope with difficult situation..
    There were few times when i was actually ok to hav DP cos i had to deal with difficult people and i was able to speak to them firmly without feeling any sort of tension…lol

    still i am on my way to 100% recovery..But i hav learned a lot about life and how to move forward even if things dont seem all bright..if u have that attittude…’whatever’ I’l face it rather than ‘what ifs’ half of the job is done…

    Hope it helped atleast someone…
    Take Care my friends…

  43. scarlet Says:

    Hi Steve,

    Welcome to the blog. You write excellent English no worries, and we understand exactly what you mean because we/are have been where you are now.

    “Everything around me stays the same but it is just me that feeling anxious and with full of scary thoughts…how weird is that?”

    It does feel weird, a bit like you are in a bubble, out of sync with those around you, but believe me it all passes with time.


    Hi Stephen,

    Of course I remember you :-)

    “i was doing this random questionare thing and it was asking questions like what ur moods are like, do u feel anxious/depressed and all these other questions and it just got my mind going and knocked me for 6 so to speak. sometimes i get really random feelings that come over me that feel like impedinging doom/anxiousness/down which is like a shock and what i hate. as i question my mental state and think i have a mood disorder or something similar.”

    Sounds as if you are doing a wee bit too much analysing about mood disorders after this questionnaire (hope you didn’t feel the need to google 😉 ) Stephen you have ‘anxiety’ and you have said you had a few good months, just goes to show that you have nothing else, else you would not have had these months, so stop analysing what you think you might have or what you read about….

    “did you ever get things like this out of the blue and worry how random they are?”

    Yes loads of times…

    “i know anxiousness can come out of anywhere and everyone feels sorta down abit when these feelings come across and abit overwhelmed as we where feeling good/happy before, but i associated these feeling with depression when i think it could be the same feeling everyone feels but cuz depression is my fear it rings bell for me.”

    Anxiety can make you feel down, as it’s so draining having the focus on yourself all the time, but no worries Stephen you’ll get back on track again soon. Just remember what you learned, ie. carry on with your normal living and don’t feel the need to analyse thoughts of this nature…. You are doing great, it’s very normal to have a wee setback near the end of recovery, even two months after feeling great.

  44. Colin Says:

    Hi Sasha, i took note of your point 2 in that i often worry about what people think of me and i agree it gets you nowhere.I then tend to get into a spiral of blaming people for how i feel.I know this is wrong and then feel guilty afterwards which compounds the anxiety.I think i read somewhere that this can be a normal reaction to anxiety for some people who dont take responsibility for their lives and actions.So im just trying to get on with everything i have to do and if i encounter people who dont like it or me then tough,its their problem and not mine.This can be very difficult as i have led a sheltered life at times and im not very streetwise, as the saying goes,so i tend to find some people will play on that and put me down or sneer.Hence the blaming!But im determined to persevere with the help on this site to overcome my problems.
    ps.I keep seeing DP crop up in messages.What is this?

  45. Alex Says:

    Can someone please explain to me the difference between “putting up with” anxiety and “accepting it.” They seem the same to me. It sucks either way, so I feel like carrying on your day with it could be both. Help!

  46. Candie Says:

    Hi Everyone, glad to read about all the improvements and how well everyone is doing.

    Well, 2 years ago i would avoid contact really with anyone i wasnt comfortable around as with the anxiety i felt under so much pressure to be normal and even walker past a stranger or a group of people really made me anxious as i felt like i stood out and was strange. I also had every other symptom of anxiety too, you name it i had it!

    Now today, i have just started a job working from home and have a client base of about 25 people. I have to nock on there doors, speak with them and have absoloutely no problems with this and dont feel weird at all. This is coming from the person who once feared having to speak to strangers or make eye contact with them, nevermind working with them. I dont know whats changed really, i just kept doing as we all are here, accepting it was ok to think strange things, feel strange and have all those physical symptoms. Then after a while the old me came back, but this time im more confident then the old me as iv become stronger.

    Hope that helps people see that we all will get there in the end, it took me two years to learn to accept.. most can grasp it from the off but not me, i analysed everything for years and then one time i thought right im going to be ok about not being ok as its the only way forward. I think once you can allow yourself to feel uncomfortable or think scary things you stop thinking about it so much and the body then gets to rest.

    I had a major setback recently, the worst iv had in well over a year but i have come through it feeling better then ever, so goes to show these setbacks reinforce recovery.

  47. Nina Says:

    Hi Scarlet,
    Can you please help me out with some minor DP that I have? I just need some reassurance. I feel kind of stuck and I need to know that this will past (its been 7 months since my anxiety and DP incident). I dont have any anxiety symptoms, just the DP. I just feel soo phylosophical sometimes, i hate it. sometimess i feel like the life around me is made up by me and that one day i will wake up in a mental institute or asylum. I dont let this get to me at all, im just wondering does this go away? is the bubble that im in will ever burst so that i can get on and leave this behind. Can you please share with me some of your experiences? how did you know that you were over the DP phase and how long did it last?

    Hope you can give me some insights on your experiences so that I know that im going to be ok,

  48. El Says:

    This is my first post. This webiste is awesome. Geez anxiety is totally shit. I’ve had it for about ten years now with varying intensity. Its taken me in to the darkest depths. BUT I know i am finally on the right track now.
    I was on all sorts of medication and it was useless, numbed the symptoms but certainly didn’t help me move forward.
    What i now realsie is;
    1. I don’t need to NOT feel any anxiety symptoms before facing a feared situation.
    2. That it would be impossible to change behaviours overnight that i have developed over a ten year period.
    3. That there is hope that i can come back from this.
    4. I am not a loser or weak for developing agorophobia / panic disorder.

    When i think about it, my coping “safety behaviours” were rather logical given my condition. I started getting these awfully scary attacks in a certain class at school so naturally i avoided this class… and then started the nasty cycle of avoidance. So i can see how i got to this point now whereas before i was merely tryign to get through the day without thought of the bigger picture.

    These last few months i have had a high anxiety level, huge, but its the first time i have trusted in the process. For me this process makes sense, the more you avoid, the worse you get. Ahhhh easy isn’t it?! I don’t think so!! But knowing that there is a way through this, that we don’t need to keep searching. I had psychologists trying to find the answer to rid me of this… were you sexually abused? What is unresolved? These questions perpetuated the anxiety cycle as I was desperately searching for the reason. THERE IS NO REASON AND THE REASON IS OF NO IMPORTANCE.
    What is important is getting better, and feeling good again.
    So as Paul has said… I know now that i need to feel all this anxiety and still live in spite of it, This is going to take time, its exhausting. I spent a gruelling 7 hours at uni on Tuesday with a constant anxiety level of about 7 but i didn’t run, i stayed and i felt so awesome after that because it gives you confidence for the next time.
    Its like being taught to swin a certain way, we learn to swim and initially it is counscious, and then we just go on autopilot and swim in the way we have been taught automatically. Now imagine we get in the water and someone tells us that the way we were taught was in fact wrong. They then teach us a new style. So we start swimming this new way and it feels really uncomfotable, and along the way we automatically revert back to our old way of swimming. This is the process i liken to recovery from anxiety. We need to learn to swim again :)

  49. scarlet Says:

    Hi Nina,

    Course you are gonna be OK 😉 .

    “I feel kind of stuck and I need to know that this will past (its been 7 months since my anxiety and DP incident). I dont have any anxiety symptoms, just the DP. I just feel soo phylosophical sometimes, i hate it. sometimess i feel like the life around me is made up by me and that one day i will wake up in a mental institute or asylum.”

    Don’t know where you are Nina, but when I was in the UK, I begged them to take me into hospital because I felt like I was going crazy, and they told me they don’t put folks who are depressed and anxious into metal institutions, only under exceptional circs, else they would be full up with half the population (quoted by my GP at the time)…so no worries about that.

    I can’t remember the DP bubble bursting as such, rather it diminished gradually until at the end there was a little bit of numbness which I lived with, a dull sort of nondescript feeling that something wasn’t quite right, but I was able to live with.

    “Can you please share with me some of your experiences? how did you know that you were over the DP phase and how long did it last?”

    this odd, numb feeling I mentioned above lasted right up to the end. Took me around 2 years to recover fully…. Since I recovered, I only ever had the feeling again once when I had too much to drink.

  50. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Nina,

    “Hope you can give me some insights on your experiences so that I know that im going to be ok”

    Course you are gonna be OK 😉 .

    “I feel kind of stuck and I need to know that this will past (its been 7 months since my anxiety and DP incident). I dont have any anxiety symptoms, just the DP. I just feel soo phylosophical sometimes, i hate it. sometimess i feel like the life around me is made up by me and that one day i will wake up in a mental institute or asylum.”

    Don’t know where you are Nina, but when I was in the UK, I begged them to take me into hospital because I felt like I was going crazy, and they told me they don’t put folks who are depressed and anxious into metal institutions, only under exceptional circs, else they would be full up with half the population (quoted by my GP at the time)…so no worries about that.

    I can’t remember the DP bubble bursting as such, rather it diminished gradually until at the end there was a little bit of numbness which I lived with, a dull sort of nondescript feeling that something wasn’t quite right, but I was able to live with.

    “Can you please share with me some of your experiences? how did you know that you were over the DP phase and how long did it last?”

    this odd, numb feeling I mentioned above lasted right up to the end. Took me around 2 years to recover fully…. Since I recovered, I only ever had the feeling again once when I had too much to drink.

  51. Scarlet Says:

    oops posted that last one twice because it didn’t show the first time… :-)

  52. sasha Says:

    Hello Candie & Colin ..

    Hi to Scarlet !! good to c u here..:)

    I liked the point wherein Candie said u emerged as a more stronger person..I assume that will be true in my case too.. Because I’m also able to brush off the negative thoughts that enter my mind and stop my mind from spiralling down..gradually my mood status becomes normal…

    Because these years we atleast i thought avoiding difficut situations and people and avoiding any conflict or argument will make my life at peace and happy..I was always protected …never knew how to take life and its responsibilities with all its contribution..

    dint think it was fairytale though still I thought it can be filled with all lovely people..but NO!! i was wrong..We need to be strong to face rather than run away from difficult situations…

    now i take this as a lesson i learnt to move on stronger as my attittude in the past was naive and too conscious of myself..

    Now I keep telling myself dont get hurt when people try to hurt you..its their problem they just try to make u feel down thats al…end of story..there is no space for feeling bad and blaming others..my mind is becoming clearer and lot of energy is preserved to use it for some good purpose…

    But this is what I’m doing now..I’m still trying to be there…the much more confident and emotionally stable person…better than how i was before I got into this crap!!

    Take Care my friends…

  53. Teresa J Says:

    Really interesting posts Sasha and Candie- and very helpful too. I’m about 3/4 through this, find myself dipping and rising – but as you all seem to say each one you come through seems to increase the understandiing. What I am finding is that I am gradually starting to realise that this is a much more an attitude and habit problem than anything else – didn’t think i’d need to get to this age to learn that that’s all that was wrong was my attitude towards life?

    Don’t get me wrong – it’s not as simple as just saying yeh I get it – it is like the tide it flows in and out, and it’s very hard to make yourself not want to control the tide – that’s been my problem for a while – but I’m gradually learning to ‘sit’ it out – get on with life, do not panic, accept the present feeling and thoughts are just anxiety and then just keep on keeping on. Once the mind realises there’s no threat, that you have stopped fighting things relax and start to feel better. I know a common phrase on here is that once you can think of having these feelings/thoughts at sometime in the future and think , yeh no prob, you have cracked it, you’ve accepted it’s not really the problem you built it up to be. It really is a hard habit to break – so don’t get disheartened, and if you do get disheartenend try to accept that too – come back here and see how many others have been on this up and down road it took them time but what you do realise is that they just gave up trying to control how they felt, it took them time and a gradual change of attitude and habit.
    People on here have been so much help to me and Candie you and Scarlet were so kind to me when i first came here. I am so pleased to hear you are finding so much difference in your life, well done. how’s baby Jayden doing?
    Hope that helps someone – as reading about others recovery always helps me to further understand and perhaps knock some bad habit back a bit.
    good luck everyone – you are in the right place – be brave.

  54. Stevie Says:

    Hi everyone. I was delighted to find this website. I have one question. is there such a thing as ‘Realtionship Anxiety’ I am in my mid-30’s and have never had any social anxiety but had what I believe was my first panic attack 8 years ago 3 days afetr I got engaged.

    I struggled along for 18 mths. without telling my (then) fiance before I broke off the relationship. 18 mths. later I met a great girl and we got on great, as long as I never felt under pressire to marry/start a family, etc. Well, the inevitable happened, and I had another anxiety attack which led to the relationship breaking up for a while. I sought professional help and we are now back together but I am still struggling – even when i am with her. it causes me to doubt my love for her, and I am starting to contemplate giving up.

    I feel I have a ‘tired mind’ 24/7, but I know I must love her because it would be easier to give up and let her go. All I want is for us to be happy, I would give everything to control my ‘racing thoughts’ as I flip flop mentally on the relationship many times a day – its exhausting! I am ordering david’s book, but would love any advice or feedback from anybody at all as to how to master my anxiety in this regard. Tahnks in advance and good luck to each and every one of you!

  55. Nicole Says:

    Hi everyone,
    I have not posted in a long time but I do keep reading the blog for inspiration.
    I would like to share an experience I had recently that some might identify with.
    Like Candie, acceptance has taken me a long time; even now I still watch my body tense and fight these feelings and thoughts. However a few days ago this feeling of comfort, openness and peace came over me and all of this – the years of struggling to understand, the ups and downs just seemed to dissolve. I felt okay with it all and I knew that this was “it” and that even though I thought that I had accepted before, I had not. I knew that I had created so much of my own suffering and this was not a monster. I think that this can be one of the hardest concepts to accept as when the tide rolls in it feels soooooo big and logic would dictate that there has to be an equally big solution.
    The down side to this feeling was I understood at the moment I was experiencing it that it, like all feelings would change and that my old habits would continue to dominate for awhile to come. I found myself fighting to hold on to this new understanding even though I knew this was the wrong thing to do. It is almost like self sabotage. Then the doubts came in – “will that peaceful feeling ever come back?” “will this path work” etc… but obviously it works as I am having new insights all the time. I am not a patient woman though so I find that I am at times running to recovery instead of letting it come to me!
    Just had to get that out, thanks for “listening”.
    I hope that everyone has a beautiful day.

  56. Jody Beauchamp Says:

    I have had a very rough time lately. I am in the begining stages of this and am getting advice all around but find this site the most helpful. I awoke at 2 am this morning and could not go back to sleep. The panic set in all night as I laid here. Now that it is 7 am and the sun is coming up I feel calmer somehow?? I thought I was getting it becasue the symptoms were getting fewer and further between, then this morning when it woke me from a sound sleep again i sat here and fretted all night as to how to shut my mind down and stop thinking and I fought all night. I am exhausted and so tired! I have no energy during the day becasue I dont sleep and I feel like Im getting depressed. I dont wanna sound like such a downer, I know its a gradual process. This is just a awful thing to live with and I want it to go away. Any tips as to how I can sleep thru the night? Any input would be greatly appreciated!

  57. Fiona Says:

    Hi folks, as i said i was going to post a few old, helpful posts that really pulled me through. The one below is so good. Its by a lady who used the site and has since recovered but came back to post (cant remember her name, possibly Amy). Anyhoo, its really helpful. Enjoy.

    What I realised is that I had the same symptoms for a long while. They came continously and intermittently. Did I come to any harm, did anyone else? NOT ONCE. I got so bored of my symptoms, they were crap and so boooooorrrrrinnnnnnng. So i let them come, asked them to come, learnt to attach no emotion to them. When the brain relearns that you have no emotion attached to your symptoms – whether that be tingling, palpitations, the sweats, those lovely waves of panic spasms, depersonalistion, dizziness, and most of all the crazy old thoughts or whatever (there are hundreds of symptoms)-it learns that they don’t matter. We only notice symptoms because we have attached an emotion to them, and what emotions are they?? All together now – FEAR and WORRY. Those dreary pair. The most useless pair of emotions. Neutralise the emotions and the brain knows it doesn’t have to bring your attention to the symptoms anymore.

    Fi xxx

  58. Alex Says:

    Stevie, I am in the same boat as you right now. I’ve only been with my boyfriend for about 7 months. For the first few, I was still getting over someone else, and was hesitant about getting involved with him, but he was persistent and I eventually gave in and decided to give it a shot. Things were going really well, and my anxiety came back about 2 weeks ago. Since then, I have been questioning everything. My therapist told me something about “relationship spikes” where this can happen. All my friends tell me they do it too, but I feel like it’s just 1,000 worse when you have anxiety. I think I realized that my anxiety is about the future, breakups, and fear of ending up alone, so I get into relationships, and immediately hope that they will end up being “the one,” so at least that part of my life is settled. It’s totally unrealistic, and it’s causing me a lot of pain.

  59. Davidina Says:

    Fiona – Your posts are giving me hope and inspiration. I am a worrier and my thoughts make me more panicky than my symptoms. It’s as if I have forgotton how I used to be – Anyway. enough about me. Keep your posts coming Fiona, we are all here to learn. X

  60. Jody Beauchamp Says:

    Hi everyone, I was wondering if someone could shed light on why I feel worse in the middle of the night and morning and seem to feel better as the day goes on? Today was horrible..but after 3 pm I started to come out of the cloud and was engageing in things around me. I am trying to not pay any attention to this, but it seems consuming…Tha nks!

  61. Nina Says:

    Thanks a million Scarlet :-)
    I just needed some reassurance and you gave me exactly that :-),

  62. yolande Says:

    Hi Scarlet,

    this is probably a silly question but how do you know when you are recovering or have recovered?

    My mind is pretty clear right now altho i still do get occasional feelings of anxiety and/or nervousness. these i can cope. i also feel fearful sometimes for no reason whatsoever.

    i believe i have come a long way since i first had this and i believed that initially i panicked and started worrying as i have no idea what anxiety is. this caused my condition to worsen. now with understanding and practising acceptance, i have come a long way.

    but i just want to know how do you know when you are recovering or better still, to know when you are fully recovered?

    Or does it differ from person to person on their experiences?

    Thank you

  63. yolande Says:

    oh another question Scarlet,

    is it normal to have DOUBTS when you want to do something?

    sometimes i feel confident that i can do certain things and some days i have no confidence and start to doubt.

    is this also an offshoot of anxiety?


  64. Jody Beauchamp Says:

    Good morning everyone! I wanted to update about last night. When this all came on, my doctor gave me medication that made me feel so sluggish. He also told me to take sleeping pills at bedtime to help me sleep. As you all have read I havent slept a full night in almost a month. Last night I retired early..I laid down and I was tired. I left the medication alone and decided I would just “feel” whatever came over me and let it be.I fell asleep at 10 and woke up at 1:30. When I awoke I instantly looked at the time and said “oh my..its happening again, then remembered a post fiona posted from another girl that said this is all so boring!! I was tired..I wanted/needed sleep..I laid there as wave after wave of panic hit. I closed my eyes and let it come and felt it get less and less. It would come and dissapear as fast as it came. Well..I apparently fell back asleep until 5 am..which is great! I was awoken twice like this, however I am not bogged down becasue of being so medicated this morning. I also had dreams that I remember this morning..anxiety type of course. Yesterday I spent the day in the chair, analyzing and beating myself up over this. I am so tired of it all..tired of living like this! I think last night was the first time I truly didnt care and let it all go! It was wonderful!! This is truly a awful thing to live with..and I pray for everyones recovery!

  65. Patrick Says:

    Hi all, I have hit a setback and think I just need some support. A week ago I thought I had nearly recovered, in fact I haven’t been on the blog in months as I have felt so good I never evn thought about it. On Tuesday though, out of the blue I had a huge panic moment and it was a bit of a surprise to be honest. I haven’t felt any fear for many many months since September really when I really started to accept my condition – since September I have just got better and better without really trying and I’d say since December / January I was as close to feeling 100% better so as it made no difference.

    I know not to be impressed by this setback, but I do feel as bad as I did at the beginning of all this just over a year ago – waves of panic and fear. The only difference is now I know how to deal with it – ie. just let it all happen and get on with my day the best I can but it’s like it used to be.

    A little bit of worry has crept in though but on the other hand, part of me thinks this is my last hurdle before full recovery as I have been so close for many months.

    People say a setback feels like you are back to square one and yes, it does feel like that to some degree. I also realise that I haven’t had a setback before, I’ve been up and down with many good days and some bad days but nothing like this! Don’t get me wrong, I know setbacks happen, I’m not questioning it or wondering why I have hit this, I just feel a few supportive words would help right now and maybe advice from people who have hit and come through similar setbacks so close to recovery.

    Any support appreciated!!


  66. Jody Beauchamp Says:

    I also want to add that when this all came on, I looked forward to bed time! It was a time I could medicate and escape all the anxiety. I could take my anxiety meds and 2 sleeping pills and pass out for a couple hours. It was nice to wake up and not feel so heavily medicated, which added to the fear I think. I would wake up and think oh my god..my head is heavy..what if I have a tumor or something worse!! It went around all day long. I also said, I wont sleep during the day if Im tired so I can be tired at night. If I want a nap, I take one..if I try and control this anxiety Im beating up and going around and around again. I do what feels good at the time..and try to think outward. Watching tv seems to help me to. I have lots to do today outside of the house, and Im dreading it as I have to face my employer who I did a no call no show 2 weeks ago when all this happened becasue I was ashamed to tell them the truth. I have my taxes to get done..I feel panicky..however it is 7 am here, my family is still asleep and I think I will crawl back in bed for a few.

  67. kay Says:

    For Jody, and anyone else interested–I have had the morning worsening explained to me that it could possibly be due to the natural rise in cortisol in the morning that usually occurs. I have also read that Vit. C helps to dampen and control cortisol and that increases in cortisol decrease melatonin (that is our natural sleep hormone) Other meds (beta blocker blood pressure pills, women’s hormones, and more) and caffeine decrease melatonin, and so does older age. So I try to take extra Vit. C (500mgs-make sure no GI upset or ulcers.) twice a day, and melatonin 1.5mgs at bedtime. Melatonin alone helps me -It does help me sleep, although I still wake up in the night. Am still working on that–warm milk and marshmallows in the night help sometimes (has tryptophan). My insomnia has been bad, and I’m always reading for news…

  68. Wayne Says:


    I hope all is well.

    I have been feeling fairly well lately. I am weening myself off my sleeping meds, for the last two weeks, and I have had some night with little sleep and some slept great. For me the heart palpitations return at night which I don’t panic about as I know this is a process but during the day I don’t have a problem having a nap and fall asleep quite easily. I am not sure why and was wondering if you could explain.

  69. Wayne Says:

    Hi Jody,

    I too take meds to help me sleep and I am weening myself off them now for the last two weeks. For me it is heart palpitations that wake me up after a few hours sleep but I don’t panic anymore as this is a process. Believe me it will get better. I hope this helps.

  70. Jody Beauchamp Says:

    Hi everyone…well taxes are done..I did do that. Thanks kay for the sleep input. Its so hard when you want to sleep and just cant. Last nite I laid there with no meds..nothing, which was scary as hell. I laid as wave after wave of panic and adeneraline washed over me. It went on for almost a half hour. It was awful! I sat there and said whatever..Im SOOO sick to death of this!! Im gonna see what this letting it happen and realize nothing will happen to me is all about. Ya know what..I am by NO means cured, but I dont feel so medicated today and can interact with my family instead of sitting here in a puddle of self pity!! I have the lump in my throat, a stress headache (partly cause I think I just did taxes lol) I have adeneraline going off and on..but its ok. It isnt going to kill me, and when I come out the other side I hope to help others with this. Ive been having alot of ups and downs lately..yesterday was awful,but the next down day I have im gonna tell myself its all ok. I hope everyone is having a alright day..and thanks so much to paul david for this site..Im sure its even saved lives!! Literally!! xxx Jody

  71. Jody Beauchamp Says:

    Wayne, I also have a harder time at night than during the day..I can doze off during the day no problem usually..and at night its a totally different story. Does anyone have any idea why this is? Kay shed some light on this..but I was wondering if anyone else had this going on to..Thanks…

  72. christina Says:

    HI Patrick, I can identify a lot with what you have expressed. We have been on a similar course as I too have had several months of very low or no anxiety. At points I thought that I no longer feared it, and that really is the key to recovery long term. That being said, a couple days ago when I was at the register paying for groceries, I got that flash of panic. I felt I couldn’t stand there and wait. I did ride it out, and it was fine, but felt resensitized a bit. This reminded me once again that this is a process. I think when we are a ways into recovery, we can unwittingly start looking at anxiety as this scary thing again. We start looking over our shoulder in nervous anticipation. We tense ourselves against feelings and thoughts. This makes it important. But it’s not. We learned this lesson along the way, but like anything, we need a refresher class from time to time.

    Give yourself a lot of grace right now. I have found that giving myself permission to feel whatever, helps to minimize the impact of anxiety. I have a tendency to look at this as a contest with myself at times: anxiety-bad job, no anxiety-good work. This is self-defeating.

    As you said, it is the last hurdle of anxiety. Let’s encourage each other and ourselves with the truth. That will liberate us.

  73. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Patrick,

    “I’m not questioning it or wondering why I have hit this, I just feel a few supportive words would help right now and maybe advice from people who have hit and come through similar setbacks so close to recovery.”

    What you are experiencing is VERY normal, you can have em’ even at the final frontier (to quote Emmanuel) pity that post went into a black hole somewhere 😉 . No worries Patrick, keep on practising what you learned and it will pass. Candie will tell you she just had one, and she’s right near the end as well.. Live with it for the moment, accept ALL the feelings associated with it, carry on as normal, and do not feel the need to analyse why it happened, or thoughts of a ‘what if you will never recover’ type nature, which will no doubt pop in 😉

  74. Angie Says:

    Hi Jody,
    I can relate to much of what you are saying. Stick to what you are learning on this site…it will get better! you are not alone!
    There are many things you can try to help you sleep better from supplements, a little change to your diet, meditation, exercise and so on you just have to see what works for you.
    I have tried exercise early in the evening and it does help me sleep better. I know it’s hard to get motivated when you feel like you do but the hardest part is getting started..15-30 minutes of lite to moderate exercise can help. It helps to release some of that excess adrenaline.
    Wishing you a good day my friends!

  75. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Yolande,

    “this is probably a silly question but how do you know when you are recovering or have recovered?”

    For me, I went for a while (many months, forget how long) at 95%-99% . I had an uneasy feeling, nothing that I couldn’t manage, a bit of numbness left, no major fears, didn’t avoid anything… but was living with a bit of doubt still, a few what ifs. As I said, this period seemed to last a while. I was still reading/googling a bit, looking for that elusive bit of info (as you do :-) ), I was also moderating on another anxiety/depression forum, chit-chatting to Paul, and I read a copy of Wills book on secondary thinking, and something just clicked within me, like I’d read ‘enough’ information to make me completely whole again. I think there comes a time, when you know personally all you need to know, like everything just clicks into place….you don’t feel the need to google any more, all your fear has disappeared, and you know all the answers to your anxiety questions, and you ‘believe’ them as well, all doubt disappears. This is when I ‘personally’ felt recovered.

    “is it normal to have DOUBTS when you want to do something?”

    Sure is, Candie once told me that they used to call anxiety the ‘doubters disease” I can see why. You will doubt right up to the end.

    “sometimes i feel confident that i can do certain things and some days i have no confidence and start to doubt.”

    Perfectly normal.. but this will go when you stop feeling the need to analyse everything and just live in the moment.

  76. scarlet Says:

    Hi Yolande,………..

    “this is probably a silly question but how do you know when you are recovering or have recovered?”

    For me, I went for a while (many months, forget how long) at 95%-99% . I had an uneasy feeling, nothing that I couldn’t manage, a bit of numbness left, no major fears, didn’t avoid anything… but was living with a bit of doubt still, a few what ifs. As I said, this period seemed to last a while. I was still reading/googling a bit, looking for that elusive bit of info as you do :-), I was also moderating on another anxiety/depression forum, chit-chatting to Paul, and I read a copy of Wills book on secondary thinking, and something just clicked within me, like I’d read ‘enough’ information to make me completely whole again. I think there comes a time, when you know personally all you need to know, like everything just clicks into place….you don’t feel the need to google any more, all your fear has disappeared, and you know all the answers to your anxiety questions, and you believe them as well, all doubt disappears. This is when I ‘personally’ felt recovered.

    “is it normal to have DOUBTS when you want to do something?”

    Sure is, Candie once told me that they used to call anxiety the ‘doubters disease” I can see why. You will doubt right up to the end.

    “sometimes i feel confident that i can do certain things and some days i have no confidence and start to doubt.”

    Perfectly normal.. but this will go when you stop feeling the need to analyse everything and just live in the moment.

  77. Jody Beauchamp Says:

    Hi everyone..I am back AGAIN lol..I have a question about adeneraline. I guess Im a little confused. If exercise releases it..what exactly is it? I have not left my house in 3 days..however today I did and I tell ya what. My eyes were playing tricks on me, I couldnt focus..I was dry retching..all of it but so glad I just did it. I look back and wonder how this happened and I was always dreading things. Like a ambulance passing my work meant they were going to get my daughter who had run out in the road and was killed, or someone by my house meant they were trying to break in, a fever meant someone was going to die (I have MANY E.R bills where my daughter is concerned) this has went on for years..even to the point I thought I could hurt someone or myself. I kept it quiet for so long, and after reading this site I know Im not alone.
    Anyway can someone please explain adenareline, is it a substance running thru your body..or is it nerves? Thanks…:)

  78. Jody Beauchamp Says:

    Also ..I saw archives on here where people were telling about themselves, and since I am new and the baby is napping..I thought Id let everyone know about me:) I am 38,have two children jess 19 and mia (pronounced my-ah) who will be 3 on march 20th. I am engaged and have been with guy for 8 years. I moved to NC from Michigan a year ago, thinking it would make our lives easier, now I realize I was running from anxiety. We are moving back in one week, and I am confused/excited as my whole family is there. I love good movies and good food. I love to garden and fish, as long as someone baits my hook lol. I am honest and loyal and consider myself a good friend. I love my family to a fault, and would do anything for them. When I am feeling normal I love the outdoors and camping. I like ice cream and hot summer days…I know Im new..but I am willing to listen to anyone if it will help…I cant really offer advice as I am new to discovering all this. Well thats me….:)

  79. alexi Says:

    does anyone know if meditation and relaxation tapes is advised or would it be considered DOING TOO MUCH ?

  80. Candie Says:

    Yes i did have a really big setback recently, was bloody awful and lasted about 4 weeks- but im here on the other side of it a lot wiser and a lot less impressed by them! Even so close to the end there possible as something has to push you to reinforce the good habits till there ingrained and a setback does that. Have a nice weekend everyone x

  81. Jody Beauchamp Says:

    Morning everyone, after a semi good day yesterday I still couldnt sleep..I was again awakened in a panic! I had very strange dreams that I cant seem to remember today. I know they were strange becasue I remember one part of it was a baby horse being hit by a car. When I woke up, I didnt reach for the sleeping pills as usual. I sat there and let it hit me over and over and over. I fell back asleep as I did the night before although I have no idea how long I slept last night as I didnt even know I fell back to sleep until I was awoken by this dreaded panic. Does or did this happen to anyone else? Mornings and during the day seem so much easier for me, its mornings when I am alone and awake that is just awful. The hubby slept on the couch last night thinking it would help me sleep better, he came in the bedroom and I was awake and he said “tell yourself it doesnt matter and go back to sleep lol..I think maybe hes got the hang of it more than I do. Am I missing something? I went about my day and everything I set out to do made me sweat, but I did it anyway and in the middle of it I realized I was feeling fine. It was when I thought of it I felt tense again. I am so so so tired from no sleep. Can anyone offer any insight? I would appreciate it!!

  82. simon Says:

    to Jody
    Adrenaline is a chemical released by ur body when ur in danger,example if u saw a wild dog suddenly chassing after you,your brain will sent a message to ur body to release adrenaline,which speeds up ur heart rate,dilate ur pupils and speed up ur breathing rate which all makes you run faster and better away from the wild animals to ensure u have a better chance to surviving.

  83. sasha Says:

    Hi Everybody..

    A very Good morning to u all…
    Just thought of giving my thoughts…

    As I said I’m in my last stages as I have very clear moments wherein my thought process are normal and can carry on with my day today chores..
    But when I’m all fine for a few days its kinda weird to say this..that it just tests me.. thoughts of anxiety visits me for no reason out of the blue…it might trigger a little anxiety in me.. just the thought of it…

    what i do is i feel a little odd at those moments especially since i had normal clear days…
    When it happens its like a cloud wherein ur thinking is crammed , cannot speak in a casual way n u guys know how it is..

    what i do is i just carry on what I do… I know I’m not enjoying the moment..
    But after a while it just goes off…and I just carry on…
    So I keep stressing on this…” this is just for now..just compare my olden days wherein i felt lik this throughout the day now its only few moments in a day…so it will pass wherein I’m totally comfortable even when i think of it or it reminds me of the term ANXIETY”

    Today I’m not feelin that great but I’m not going to give it a chance to make me feel bad..cos i have had enough in the past..Now I’ll make plans to do something for my day..may not be creative as I wont be able to put my best ideas into practise…but something which keeps me occupied for the day…I’m not gonna give up…:)

    Have a great day…friends

  84. sasha Says:

    Hello Paul,

    Its just a suggestion that came to my mind..

    Hey like you made so many wonderful posts on anxiety I think it would be great if you can create one archive column for the recovery stories alone.. it would be simply great…!!!

    Those who have recovered may have come back and posted in their stories..so if all the stories are in one archive its would be easier to go through and get inspiration from…:)

    Hope you would take this into consideration…


  85. Jody Beauchamp Says:

    Sasha I do believe there is something like that. I ran across it the other day browsing this site. Yesterday was a good day for me..I didnt feel all that great but was out and about and every time I felt anxious I let it come but carried on with what I was dping. Also I spent a few hours outside with my daughter and I went to bed at 10 and woke up at 4! Thats 6 hours yeaaaaa!! I didnt wake every 2 hours so I think more exercise is in order!! Im expecting bad days to come as I am moving 15 hrs away next friday. I am expecting it..if it doesnt happen great..if it does oh well..Im paying it no attention right now.

  86. yolande Says:

    thanks so much Scarlet for responding!

    Wayne, you mentioned you are weaning yourself off your sleeping pills (well done). May i ask how you go about doing that? Cos i am thinkg of weaning myself of my anti-D and just want to see how others do it.


  87. Steve from Korea Says:

    Hi everyone,

    I have been trying Paul’s technique for 4 days and I can see the difference in me already. I am able to function normal without paying too much attention on worries and scary thoughts. Even if I feel them for a moment, I know that they will just go away and I will be me again. I want to thank you so much Paul for your work on this blog and web site. By the way, I still have one problem :(. After I had anxiety, I became afraid of flying for some reason. I have to fly to Europe this summer and I don’t know if I can handle it. When I imagine that I am on the plane, I feel like I can’t control myself in that small space for 13 hours of flying. Is this also a trick made by anxiety? How can I prepare for that?


  88. yolande Says:

    hi all,

    Just need to vent. I am a bundle of nerves this morning – anxiety and what nots! i have been looking around for a new job and it’s not been very successful so the stress is kinda getting to me. That plus feeling a bit depressed as i have not had even a call from anyone! I am thankful that i am current working albeit in a dead end boring job.

    i am trying so hard to be positive and just live for moment but gosh, that’s really really hard.

    i feel that getting a new job with more work would stop me from focussing on my condition but then on the other hand i worry that i wont be able to take the stress! GAWD. i suppose this is anxiety casting doubts onto my mind.

    =======(Scarlet, i know i just asked you this question not too long ago). :( but if you have any more advice or encouragement on this i would be v grateful.

    sometimes i really wonder if the problem is me after all and not anxiety. it’s like sometimes i can think clearly thru a problem and feel relieved and the next instance, i am back to square 1 . Argggg it’s so so frustrating.

    Does anyone else have this problem? like you get a clear idea of what to do etc and then suddenly it’s like you have a memory lapse and you founder again.

  89. Victor Says:


    Keep doing what you are doing. I too am in the final stages, and have moments where I think about anxiety and it bothers me. But I know from experience that as time goes on these times come less and less and weaker and weaker. Your mind will become so use to just flowing that it will push these moments right out when they come.

  90. Paul David Says:

    sasha Says:

    March 7th, 2010 at 6:50 am e

    Hello Paul,

    Its just a suggestion that came to my mind..

    Hey like you made so many wonderful posts on anxiety I think it would be great if you can create one archive column for the recovery stories alone.. it would be simply great…!!!

    Those who have recovered may have come back and posted in their stories..so if all the stories are in one archive its would be easier to go through and get inspiration from…:)

    Hope you would take this into consideration…


    Trouble is Sasha I have lost all the old posts of success and also the contact details, but I will try and get some people to write their story’s, there were so many success stories from the last couple of months that inspired so many, but I am unable to get all the comments back afteer the host switch, which is a real shame.

    Next post will be up next week by the way

  91. Mia Says:

    Hello everyone,

    It’s going really well as of late. I have my down days, although, I’m really happy to announce things are so much better for me because of this site and my new found understanding of this condition!!:)

    I am an overly sensitive person and a bit of a worry wort, most especially rewinding comments that people make and look for hidden messages in regards to me, as if they are talking bad things about me. I’ve learned that this isn’t going to help me at all, if I want to recover, because this leads me to stress my mind for what?. I also have days where I just allow too much negativity and the thoughts consume me. It’s a work in progress, BUT the key is changing your attitude, and not caring what people say and stop the negative thoughts right away. I too have a very chatty mind, as MLK pointed out as well.

    This past Friday I went out with an old friend from high school that I haven’t seen in years! I have been avoiding to hang out with her because of all my fears and doubts. I was scared of what she might think of me and maybe she will see what a mess I am and not want to be my friend, but that is silly! I do this a lot to myself, I sabotage myself into thinking negative thoughts, when it is not necessary. Once I figured I was doing this, I am aware, therefore I learn from it.

    Anyway, we had a blast, I felt so confident and relieved, and NO PANIC attacks! I think I checked in with myself for a sec during my time with her, but that was IT, even afterwards, when I was alone driving home at 1am (I haven’t been out for years this late because of my FEARS) NOTHING happened to me. I thought to myself, ‘I was living again and life felt so right’ I was content and that is the feeling I missed dearly.

    It really takes time and patience, my days will be an on-going journey, with this condition, as I know, but these days I feel so much more life in me and once you keep busy, and get involved with your interests, you will begin to feel great! I will always keep myself busy by taking classes in child development, floral arrangement, go to the local park and do ( for budget-minded folks) classes to get fit. I visit friends and family and will do nice things for them.I want to help out in the community, by volunteering, it will be good for the soul.

    I also found a new job- finally, that was a big worrisome issue for about 4 months, being unemployed stressed me out and to think that this was going to help me with my anxiety, since I could just stay home and I could avoid life, this is the wrong way to live if you want to recover, trust me. Sometimes I will have irrational fears about working again and thinking I might have an attack at work, but who cares, nothing will happen to me, it always passes, it gets uncomfortable but so what. Adjust your attitude in the situation, it works!

    Music also is my greatest love, so I like to crank up the tunes, while cleaning the house, driving, and sing along with a song, it will help you not think negativley, which use to occur a lot to me me while driving some distance. Once I start singing, I have something else to do, which is key, singing allows you to focus on lyrics, not on you. Also, if you can invest in an ipod, I recommend it, this has saved me so many times being alone while walking outdoors for exercise. I think this method of music as a way to keep you from your thoughts isn’t trying hard at all. I think it works great for me. Again, it’s your attitude towards your fears that will lead you to freedom of this.

    I also what to start a get together of some sort in my community for sufferers like myself to motivate, inspire one another and it is always comforting to have someone who can relate to you. That is a goal of mine, I think that will be a project that will help me keep busy-which is welcoming. Now, how to do all this is another quest.

    If I can come so far, so can you. Again, I was really in the dark and scared for my life until I found this site. I’m still on my path to recovery which is the way I want to be, I don’t ever want to be scared of living my life and be in the dark on this condition. I’m just grateful for all the support on here and crucial life saving information.

    Thanks everyone!

  92. Candie Says:

    Hi Yolande

    I came of my ainti-depressents over a year ago now. Strange to think i ever thought i needed them but once id been on them for a while i was scared to come of them. Well what i did was cut the tablets into qautres, i used to take two tablets at first. every 3 weeks i cut out a qautre of a tablet down and once i was down to my last qautre, i stayed on it for about five weeks then had it on alternate days then cut it out completely. The first night without i was wondering about side effects, but i felt none as all and since i did that my recovery has come on in leaps and bounds. I didnt have depression, mine where for anxiety but at times i felt depressed at how anxious i was.

    Thats a good idea sasha, then people can go to the one post to give themself reassurance during the tough times. The thing with me is i am not fully recovered yet but dont care if i stay like this for the rest of my life as im content mostly, i think iv accepted it all now- my last setback braught me forward even more so time will do the rest i should imagine

  93. yolande Says:

    hi Candie
    what is the name of yr anti-D? I am taking Mirtazapine and am on 30mg now but the doc said i can come off down to 15mg straight off. i am a bit worried as that’s like quite a drop but he said it shd be fine.

  94. Jody Beauchamp Says:

    hi everyone..I am awake yet again! Has anyone suffered from sleep deprevation while having anxiety? The days are getting easier, although my head feels like it is in a cloud. I can function and get things done. I feel sometimes like I am analyzing things..like if my day is going better than the last..but when I do this I stop Immediately. I let whatever I feel like that day just be and try and stay involved in things becasue it makes me think outward and my mind is more clear and focused. I did not wake in a panic this morning..I kust woke up..like my body said Id had enough sleep. I have always slept very sound and could sleep a long time! I have to say my 2 yr old has helped in all this. SHe has been so good and makes me smile! How do you go back to sleep after youve been woken up if anxiety is playing its tricks? I know 3 weeks ago when I had my first attack I was very depressed and I believe it was brought on by anxiety..now the doc has me on celexa and I have been taking that at bedtime. Maybe I need to stop taking it all together or take it in the day?
    Candie I do like your posts..it gives me hope! I know a setback will prolly happen for me, I feel like I have small ones every day but they are getting fewer and fewer between…any input from anyone would be greatly appreciated…

  95. Patrick Says:

    Hi Christina and Scarlet, thanks for replies. As I said, feeling like I do now makes me realise I have not had a set back before. Last monday I was walking my dogs, calm and happy as you like as I had been for months, then bam, Tuesday driving to work, panic at out of the blue.

    And from then it’s like everything has just instantly reverted back to the beginning. Sleeplessness, lack of interest, intense waves of fear / panic, intense inward thinking. Only difference is the knowledge I have now. Really bloody unpleasant like Candie said above, especitally after feeling so brilliant for months.

    At the back of my mind is the fear of what some people have said on here before – hit a setback and get stuck there. It has taken me months of patience to feel brilliant, like 99% brilliant, I presume it is normal to feel fear again in a setback ? I have these waves of fear usually triggered by a what if thought – what if I stay like this, what if I’m still like this in a month.? but I try not to get drawn in like I used to, I know they pass so just let them be. I have awakened a lot this last week in the night with feelings of mild panic, but again, I used to then lay awake all night, panicking and tossing and turning etc desperate to get back to sleep. This week I just let it be, and managed to drift back to sleep.

    I have a general attitude of this is just a setback and will pass, but the waves of fear are quite intense I really don’t want to be impressed by them but maybe I am.

  96. Stevie Says:

    @ Alex,

    I sometimes feel the same anxiety about starting a family, getting married, the future, etc. I think the trick is to just do ‘a day at a time’, amely, think along the lines of ‘Am i enjoying my partners company today?’ or ‘am I looking forward to seeing him/her this evening’. I sometimes live my life planning everything out, when the best thing to do is just ‘live in the now’, relax and enjoy today and just let it happen. Hope this helps a bit.

    @ Jody

    I spoke to someonw when I was having bad anxiety at night. he said its no co-incidence that ‘the darkest hours are before the dawn’. All our problems seem worse at night, because of isolation, darkness and the fact that you feel that, because everyone else is asleep, you are going through it alone. he told me the best thing to do if you cant sleep is to dismiss it, say ‘fine, I obviously dont need to sleep now’, get up, read, watch tv, do a bit of work, whatever- just dont focus on not sleeping, and eventually, when you attach no importance to it, sleep will come.

  97. Paul David Says:

    Patrick you know if you have a setback, we are always up and down in general, but we can feel back to square one for no particular reason after feeling so much freedom. But it truly is nothing to be concerned about, it is like asking someone that has been depression and come through, that they never be depressed again.

    But the main thing is how you react to it, don’t get sucked back into thinking your back to square 1, your not, nothing can take away your progress, nothing! See a setback as another step to total freedom, welcome it, don’t fight or try to scramble your way back to how you felt last week, don’t go down the what if road or the self pity route. A setback only has the power you give it, so trust me just let it come naturally, let yourself be o.k about feeling yuck again, don’t care that a few fears may have returned out of memory or habit, this phase will pass and you will feel more positive than ever, trust me on this.

    Don’t be impressed, don’t become a victim to how you feel and it will pass naturally and you will wonder what all the fuss was about and emerge so much more positive, knowing you came through your setback and they will not impress you so much in the future and just become more of an annoyance, this was exactly how it went for me.

  98. Patrick Says:

    Thanks Paul, I know the way is forward, I don’t think I have failed or am back to square one. Every bit of progress I have made has happened naturally over time, and yes it’s been up and down.

    Generally I feel I am welcoming this, and feel OK about it, almost excited as I know I will feel even better the other side of this.

    It’s just those moments of intense fear that pop up – I’m like, “whatever”, but they are so unpleasant!! So be it.


  99. Jody Beauchamp Says:

    Thanks Stevie..that makes sense to me. It is when I am alone that it is the hardest. Like I said before, when all this happened I was a mess. I didnt know WHAT was happening to me! I thought I was dieing! I have done exactly what your friend suggested, I get up, usually get on the computer check emails and then pick up the house..by then everyone is getting up and after a few hrs everything subsides without me trying to make it. I am not paying this any attention and whatever happens, happens. The other day, my two year old was using the manual button on the tv to change the channel. I was watching something and used the remote to try and change it back. I was getting upset as I was fighting this tv situation and trying to work against it..then it dawned on me..let her flip until she was done and then go back. Kind of the same thing with my anxiety..let it ride out and continue what I am doing…this make sense?

  100. Paul David Says:

    Generally I feel I am welcoming this, and feel OK about it, almost excited as I know I will feel even better the other side of this.

    That’s exactly the way I looked at it, I always came through stronger and better, it was like another storm passing by and the sunshine would be along soon.

    It’s just those moments of intense fear that pop up – I’m like, “whatever”, but they are so unpleasant!! So be it.

    Yes Patrick, it is still unpleasant, no doubt about it and that is where the need to try and ‘do’ something about it comes in at times and has people spiralling back into old habits, trying to fix it, make it better, question it all over again. But it’s like a broken arm, we can’t make it better, we just have to wait for it to heal itself, time really is a great healer. The more we leave our body to do it’s own work without getting in it’s way, the better. You do get second sense in time to make the most of your day however you feel and not become a victim to the way you are feeling.

    It’s up, it’s down, it has eureka moments, one day the world could not be better and you feel you can touch recovery, the next it my seem far away, but it’s all part of the process trust me. So many people who come back here to say how well they are feeling, many who are now totally recovered will recognise that pattern and will have been through it the same way as I did. Some people who have suffered a short period of time don’t have the same habits and memory’s as the person who has suffered for years, like me, but I understood it would not be a simple straight line to recovery. Others who have suffered a short time can feel better pretty quickly, we are all different in our recovery process, but all recover in the same way. I too could feel great for weeks/months and think that’s it, Im free now, only to feel awful again, but the same principle applied, been here before Paul, it’s not important and will pass and it did every single time and each time I felt better and stronger than before. The setbacks came less and less and with less power, as they had been given the cold shoulder by me and I had not labbled them as important or a problem.


  101. H Says:

    Patrick, think I am at a similar stage to you. Have had several weeks of feeling good, then out of the blue hit a setback – had a couple of days feeling really crap and even a minor panic episode, BUT noticed a subtle difference this time, I didn’t feel overly concerned. I didnt dwell on it as I would’ve in the past, and analyse the hell out of it. Then to my surprise have had a few days now feeling great – even with a stonking hangover yesterday from celebrating my birtday on Saturday. I believe it really is the memory of our initial encounter with anxiety that pulls us back, the time when we were uneducated and bewildered. That was a scary place, and memory and association prompts a strong emotional reaction – the truth of the matter is we are now educated, and despite what our emotions tell us at times, we can never go back to square one – which I guess is our ultimate fear. I think I am now daring to trust that I have lived through too much (and survived!) and learnt too much to worry about falling back.
    Armed with education from Paul’s site and living through setbacks, recovery is inevitable. This is fact. You cannot fear what you understand, and what cannot harm you, the only enemy becomes patience and time.

    Some encouraging things I have noticed:

    – Good days will come to you out of the blue, when they do, you will realise that anxiety is a much thinner veneer than you think – normal feeling is much nearer the surface than you think is possible.

    – When in the midst of anxiety it feels like you will never be free, when good days come, you won’t believe you will suffer again. This proves it is just a temporary state of mind.

    – Eureka moments usualy come during the darkest times – you WILL have moments when things just click. Each time you will absorb a little more understanding and dissipate a little more fear.

    – You may have a paricularly scary thought which troubles you – the thought content itself is insignificant. It will be whichever thought caught your imagination when at a low ebb, it was just a lottery which thought it was. It is not real, trust me, in time you will look back and wonder why it caused you so much grief! You will become a master at spotting anxious thoughts and not giving them attention. This is a good habit, which you can use when recovered to enrich your life further. I look back now and can see much of my life was governed by ‘what ifs’ before anxiety became a problem. Not now, I am more likely to say ‘why not’ these days – but I am still practicing.

    – Anxiety is a process, both in and out, which is common to the human species, yes symptoms may differ slightly between sufferers (much like flu), but ultimately if one person can recover, everyone can recover. All it takes is UNDERSTANDING and TIME. We are all engineered the same.

    You may be thinking, yes, but you obviously didn’t suffer as bad as me (everyone thinks that!), not true, I was an absolute wreck, I had suffered terribly for 4 long years, I experienced pretty much everything in the book. I only improved after finding this site, and Pauls book. So take heart, you are in the right place.

    I too think that a ‘success’ forum would be a great benefit. Pauls blogs are truly inspirational, but equally so are successes that re-inforce the information that Paul provides.

  102. Jody Beauchamp Says:

    I have a question on the following statement..

    Yes Patrick, it is still unpleasant, no doubt about it and that is where the need to try and ‘do’ something about it comes in at times and has people spiralling back into old habits, trying to fix it, make it better, question it all over again. But it’s like a broken arm, we can’t make it better, we just have to wait for it to heal itself, time really is a great healer. The more we leave our body to do it’s own work without getting in it’s way, the better. You do get second sense in time to make the most of your day however you feel and not become a victim to the way you are feeling.

    If you feel that way..and you wake up and feel yukky..should I still try and be active during my day or should I lay in bed like I feel like doing? When I feel like that I want to lay in bed, watch lifetime movies and sleep..however what I have been doing is get up, take a shower, plan something for my day to keep the focus outward. Is me doing that trying to hard? I feel like I am coming out of this, or that the layers are peeling away a little bit by little bit..I just dont want to spin in a endless circle…Thanks..

  103. Wayne Says:


    I am coming off my the meds to help me sleep the same way Candie described. I take was taking .50mg before bed then I started cutting them in half and now I take the half on alternate days. Some tough sleeping at first but I expected this to happen.


    3 months ago I felt the same way I thought I was going to die and I look back now and seems like so long ago and I felt silly about it. But now I know I had to go through that to get better. I have had 2 echocardiograms, 4 EKG’s and 3 blood tests. I am still waiting the results of my last set of tests but I expect they will all come back normal as did the others. I am so much better than 3 months ago but I also know I have a ways to go. I have learned this is a process and takes time. I have two little girls and they make me smile so much which has helped greatly and I am back to running 20km a week which has helped me sleep better.

  104. Jody Beauchamp Says:

    WAyne, Yes some of the things I was thinking seem ridiculous, but the fear always crops its ugly head! I to have had ekg’s and blood work. I lookk back over my life and I have ALWAYS been an excessive worrier! Like I said, if there was an ambulance passing my work I thought they were going to my house! My two yr old developed a lump in her neck and I was a mess!! This was about 2 months ago. I couldnt eat or sleep and I was envisioning her passing away from cancer or something. I would wonder if I needed to take her pictures down or leave them up..the thinking NEVER STOPPED!! The bump is gone, she is fine..all blood work was fine..she actually had cat scratch fever..but as I look back over my life as I have had anxiety before..I remember being like 6 and being in a haunted house that had a car that drove thru it. I was in the car with a friend of my parents and it broke down in the middle of it. We were stuck in there for what felt like forever. That is when I had my first one..breakups, divorces..many other times they came on. This one was the absolute worse!! I never knew how to deal before as I would run to drinking or just running, sleeping, medication..sleeping pills..you nmae it I did it!! This time Im not running, Im facing it and learning as much as I can from this site. I dont google anymore..which I recommend to NOONE!! I am moving friday 14 hrs away back to Michigan from NC and have alot on my plate..I am taking it one day at a time and not fighting anything as I feel so much better day by day..I still have yukky days but its so exciting to know that the yukkky days are normal and will actually help me in learning…

  105. Victor Says:

    Hello Paul,

    I wanted to ask you a question. I had been doing VERY well for about 6-7 months. To the point where I thought I had reached full recovery. I was going through my days as if anxiety never happened and would only get an odd thought very rarely. The only real habit I had left was the checking in, and this was usually happening at night. I think this is because during my darkest days night times were very difficult for me. But even this would happen very quickly and my mind was flowing right back to normal after I checked in very quickly.

    Well early January I had a couple of stressfull situations happening in my life. I started fearing anxiety and wondering if it would creep back and sure enough from the worrying about it, it has came back.

    So the good news is I feel happy knowing that I was doing so great and I was not even recovered yet. The bad news is I cannot seem to hit that full stride again where I was for those 6-7 months. Although I feel strong enough that I will never be as down as I was in my darkest days, I do get annoyed that I cannot get back to how I was only a few months ago. And am annoyed that I am dealing with some of the same issues again.

    Any suggestions or words of encouragement would be appreciated. I know what I have to do, but I just feel discouraged sometimes because I did well for so long

  106. Wayne Says:


    This time Im not running, Im facing it and learning as much as I can from this site. I dont google anymore….

    I see myself in your statement above and I too made the decision to face it and not google. Because of this site I look back and realize I have had anxiety for about 24 months. I didn’ mean to offend when I said earlier:

    “3 months ago I felt the same way I thought I was going to die and I look back now and seems like so long ago and I felt silly about it.” I was refering to myself……Take care…..

  107. Jody Beauchamp Says:

    no offense taken at all!! I was glad to hear someone else could relate because sometimes I feel so weird. People dont understand this at all..

  108. Paul David Says:

    Jody says: If you feel that way..and you wake up and feel yukky..should I still try and be active during my day or should I lay in bed like I feel like doing? When I feel like that I want to lay in bed, watch lifetime movies and sleep..however what I have been doing is get up, take a shower, plan something for my day to keep the focus outward. Is me doing that trying to hard? I feel like I am coming out of this, or that the layers are peeling away a little bit by little bit..I just dont want to spin in a endless circle…Thanks..

    Jody have your read the book? One thing I hope I have got across is to live your life as normal as possible, don’t let anxiety trick you into living your life hiding away! Take how you feel with you, treat it as o.k to feel the way you do. I would never tell people to stay in bed. Do as you are doing and luve your life, pack in as much normal living as possible, don’t make the mistake of waiting until you feel o.k, normal living is what brings back normal feelings, don’t treat anxiety as a monster and it wont treat you as a victim, this is what the next post will go into more detail on.

    Whatever you do don’t live your life trying to make yourself feel better, will this work, will that work, what if I do this. All this just tires you out further and you just end up chasing your own tail and paying how you feel so much respect. It is far better to just live your life with the feelings there, this is what will bring real rewards as you are stepping aside and giving your mind and body the space it needs.


  109. Paul David Says:

    Victor I am short on time at the minute, but I will try to get back to you later.

  110. Jody Beauchamp Says:

    Paul- no I have not read the book..I have yet to order it. We are moving and I keep forgetting. I will place the order today :) I am glad to hear what you wrote becasue that is exactly what I have been doing. I am on medication at the moment, celexa and I think it makes my head hazy.. I am talking to my doctor tomorrow about not taking it. I dont want to be dependant on this medication. During the day I feel tired, but I also feel ups and downs and when the panic happens Im not running from it.
    The baby wanted to camp, so we set up the camper and we were in there for 3 days..well I was anyway sleeping. When I woke up I ran into the house..sat and smoked a cigarette, ran to the bathroom..went back to the camper, layed there for about 2 minutes, got up, ran back to the house..smoked again..the adeneraline had me running around nervously and I couldnt sit still. It was awful!! NOW when it happens I sit or continue doing whatever I am doing and just say “this wont hurt me and Im so bored with this feeling” it passes almost as fast as it comes. I do whatever I want to. The only problem I have is night time..that is very hard for me. I am living in a state with NO family and I am moving back home where i was born and raised..so maybe that will help to.

  111. Paul David Says:

    Jody I was not trying to sell you the book or anything, that’s your choice, I just thought it was strange you would ask the question if you had as it is well covered in the book.

    It makes sense why you did now if you have not read it.


  112. Jody Beauchamp Says:

    I have heard many great things about the book. I even asked my doctor about the book and he said he recommended it. Thats why Im buying it :) Its just sometimes I have no energy and feel so tired that I wanna stay in bed. Always makes me feel worse though. I have lived in the dark for so long fighting this thing, Im so glad I found this site and now it doesnt have to be forever. Also I want to say that my headaches have gone!!

  113. Alex Says:

    Hey Everyone, I’m back and worse than ever. I haven’t been on this site in a year, and here I am. I seem to get anxiety/depression in cycles that can last for months at a time. Anyway, this time, it is really bad because it has ruined my relationship. I started having doubts about it a couple weeks ago, and then I had a major panic attack 2 weekends ago and impulsively broke up with my boyfriend. Since then, we were kind of back together, but my anxiety has been so bad, I can’t do anything but wake up and cry. I can’t rely on him while I’m going through this because it’s just not fair to him…he has his own life, so now I’m not sure what will happen. I know that we aren’t supposed to “wait to get better” before doing things, but there’s no way that I can be in a relationship right now in this state, it’s just not fair to him. My biggest challenges are obsessive thoughts and googling (not symptoms, but just stories, etc) and also mornings…I wake up every morning and my anxiety sets in and I just CANNOT shake it, then I get upset that I feel that way and cry. It’s the same pattern day after day after day. I can’t remember what got me out of last year’s episode, but I want to get out of this one sooner than I usually do because it’s affecting my job.

  114. Steve from Korea Says:


    Can anyone give me any suggestions to my problem above?…I feel like I am alone :(.


  115. christina Says:

    Setback brings so many memories to the foreground. It’s easy to get caught up in okay, what do I do to make this leave again. What did I do/not do to stir up anxiety. But then, so much has been learned, and nerves given a big break. It’s the mind “cooperating” with the anxious feelings that stirs the pot. Honestly, I know that if we did not give it so much value and worry time, it would fizzle out. With nothing to feed it, it will weaken.

    If anyone on this blog could share their story of coming through setback, it would be appreciated. Paul, did you have setbacks far into recovery? I loaned your book to some people and don’t have it at the time!

  116. T Says:

    Steve from Korea,you are not alone,we all have the same fears and worries. Main worry is losing control,but as we all know it wont happen,YOU WILL NOT LOSE CONTROL! Your anxious mind is playing tricks with you,anxiety is trying to scare you and keep you from doing things. I suggest you stop thinking about what may happen (and summer is still far away and you are already thinking about what may go wrong),and stop with “what if” thoughts,they do nothing but scare you and there is nothing to be afraid of. I’ts a long flight and it can be annoying even for people with no anxiety,but just relax and pay no attention to negative thoughts,you can also sleep because its such a long flight or read a book. I hope this helps

  117. Yolande Says:

    Hi Steve,

    Have you read Dr Claire Weekes? In one of her books(More help for your nerves) she mentioned abt fear of flying. What she suggested was not to think of it as in a whole part as in XX hrs but to just cut the time up into eg the first 1 hr or so and just try to get thru that.

    Hope this helps.

  118. Steve from Korea Says:


    Thank you so much for your advice. I think I still have to get used to accepting those “what ifs” and not afraid of my negative thoughts.


    I have read “hope and help for your nerves” but haven’t had a chance to read that one. Thank you for your recommendation, I will definitely read that one as well.

    Thank you all!!

  119. scarlet Says:


    I was always a nervous flyer even before suffering, but since we travel a lot I have had to accept it. At the height of my anxiety I travelled to the mid east and back twice with my two kids on my own, my youngest was only a few months old. Like Yolande said I tried not to think that the flight would be 8 hours, but broke it down into chunks. I actually don’t mind flying now… but at the time was petrified that I would have a huge panic attack on the plane and run for the nearest exit, but I never did.

    Don’t constantly check the clock, watch the in-flight movie, look forward to the refreshments and perhaps have a little nap if it’s a long flight. You’ll be fine. :-)

  120. Jody Beauchamp Says:

    Yolande, I feel much the same way you do, however I try and frin something positive to focus on. I am moving friday and I am unsure about it. My life for the last year as I know it is over. I am leaving a house and state that I love to go back home. I have a two year old that makes me smile every day with the crazy things she comes up with, a bf that doesnt “understand” but is being patient. NOt a huge amount of positive but try not to dwell on the stress of finding a job. All things happen for a reason and make us stronger in the long run.
    I can report that I slept 7 hrs uninterupted last night!! I had a panic free day and I was out in the sunshine again getting things done and playing with the baby. Mornings are getting a bit easier because im not getting up and saying to myself ” do I feel better than yesteday? Do I feel disoriented? am i still tired?” I just get up and carry on if I woken up. I still have shakey moments, but it cant hurt me NOR control me. I think im finally understanding. I just wish my head would feel reconnected but that will come in time. Anxiety is like something itching when you have poison ivy or something..if you dont scratch it, it will go away. Same thing..dont overthink..let the brain rest and it will become flexible thinking again. Heres to the hope of another productive day :) If it isnt…thats ok to!

  121. Jody Beauchamp Says:

    I also have a question. Does anxiety come from overthinking? I remember always over analyzing thngs obssevily, but the adeneraline hasnt always been there. Is it my mind saying it had enough? Can someone please explain why the adeneraline is there and exactly what it is? Thanks!

  122. Jody Beauchamp Says:

    lol..I have another question to..sorry for so many posts! I used to be a coffee drinker in the mornings, when the panic set in and the adeneraline was going so bad I couldnt sleep at all, I stopped all caffeine altogether. I really miss my morning coffee! Does anyone think it would be alright to have a couple cups if its early morning or does caffeine set off anxiety? I know this sounds trivial..but I sure miss it and is the only thing that I used to do that im not doing…Thanks!!

  123. Diana Says:

    Anxiety is the direct result of a tired mind. The mind becomes tired from ovre thinking and over processing, from dwelling and obsessing. Things reach a point of critical mass, and like any organ, the brain does get exhausted when it is used too much or incorrectly.

    When your mind gets exhausted, it tends to see things as a threat that are not a threat, and sends out signals to your body to react to the threat. The chemicals that are produced are adrenaline and cortisol. These cause you to be able to flee the danger, they give you the push to be able to run and protect yourself, or to defend yourself. This is called Fight or Flight.

    The only problem is that the brain is sending off a false signal resulting from its tiredness. So we get the fight or flight reaction to even the smallest stimulus — a tv show, a comment, things not going how we thought they would.

    Over time, the brain’s reaction becomes a deeply entrenched habit. We react with a fast heartbeat even when nothing is pushing our buttons. This is when we have reached an anxious state that sticks around for a long time, leaving us feel completely powerless to do anything — because we don’t know where it’s coming from.

    Each of us has things in our lives that can start as triggers. For the sensitive and for those prone to over think and over process, these triggers can be set off all too fast. For one, it might be the pressure of a new job, for another, financial issues, for yet another relationship things. The trigger becomes less important as we start to face the fact that we are reacting out of a false sense of fear, created by a tired mind, and exacerbated by adrenaline. It feels like a vicious cycle.

    Many of us have spent years fighting anxiety, to no avail. Sometimes it returns with depression, sometimes with fear of small places or of flying or of public scenarios.

    Bottom line? Fighting it does nothing. Accepting it, as difficult as it is, is the only way through it. Letting it be there and go through its motions. I’ve been in recovery for about 9 months now and I still get hit with situations that challenge me — almost every day — but I know for sure that it can’t go back to that horrible sense of not knowing where all this is coming from. I know exactly where it is coming from. I learned that here. From Paul and from the rest of you. It does not help that I constantly put myself in a position, through my daily activities, that cause my particular fears to be heightened. But that’s life and I can’t change what I need to do every day, so I need to do those things and work through the fears. Which I do. I get tired, and fatigued. But I have a heightened sense of empathy for those around me now, and I realize we all have something to deal with, not just me, and certainly there are so many that suffer much more.

    Anxiety causes: heartbeat skipping, sore muscles, difficulty swallowing, head aches, hot flashes, pins and needles, ear ringing, poor appetite, poor sleeping, among other things that you can find on the main site. If you are in the throws of anxiety, don’t obsess too much on the physical symptoms, don’t worry that you are dying. If something is a big concern, go and get the test and get past it.

    The more you get outside of yourself, the less the physical symptoms will bother you. It’s when we get quiet that the symptoms tend to pop back up.

    Getting quiet, however, is part of healing and recovering. Learning to have periods where you don’t think or obsess is key to your mind getting the rest it needs.

    Remember… this all starts from a tired mind, so if you can learn to give your noggin a break :) it’s the best place to start.

  124. Davidina Says:

    Hi there everyone out there. I haven’t posted for a while because I am trying to put into practice what Paul says. Hi Candie, Scarlet, and Fiona – you have all helped me so much with just things that you say. I know we are all different, but did you ever check in – you know what I mean. I find sometimes I am listening in to myself breathing – Thats so scary. Paul quotes in his book (no matter how I felt, I carried on with my day.) Does that mean, even if my heart is pounding and my head is sore, I get into my car and go to that Horrible supermarket. Mornings are still bad. Some things are beginning to click into place now. Fiona’s quote IF I COOK, I COOK. IF I CLEAN, I CLEAN, etc. It helped so much. I went to the local shop the other day, I heard Paul’s voice in my head saying ARE YOU AFRAID OF A FEELING. Got me there and back and it wasn’t bad. I felt good when I came back. I still find it hard to live in the moment. The (what ifs) are still there. When Paul says, it robs you of your confidence,he is so right. Diana, I hope you are well. Haven’t heard from you for a while.

  125. Kate Says:

    Hi Scarlet

    I always read your posts because they keep me positive that I can recover from this. I was just wanting to know if you ever had any obsessive thoughts that made you panic to the point you really felt you could do the thing? I have an obsessive thought which I can sometimes work myself up to the point where I panic and feel/think I could really do it. This, I feel, is the only thing which is preventing me from recovering.
    I would really appreciate any comments.

  126. Alex Says:

    Does anyone resent/hate everyone when they are in this state? I feel awful, but I walk around and look at everyone getting along while I am dying on the inside. I even hate my boyfriend right now because when I wake up, I’m in a complete state of panic crying and whatnot, and he’s just relaxed. I know I should just say “this is me now,” but it wasn’t me 3 weeks ago, and that kills me.

  127. angela Says:

    hello everyone!I have a couple of questions but firstly…to jody about the coffee thing!I used to absolutely love coffee as well and I’d drink it all the time, then when this thing started I cut it out completely for a while because I thought it made me more anxious so I would drink litres of camomile tea because I THOUGHT it calmed me down…..to be honest I think my drinking of camomile tea was just a way of ‘escaping’ anxiety..I used to do all sorts of things not to feel anxiety(like go to the gym all the time obsessively, go out for loads of walks)although of course excersise helps and all, you just have to do it because you want to and not because it will help anxiety, same with camomile tea and all other things…so then I decided I was just going to do whatever I wanted regardless of how I felt and I started to drink coffee again regulaly and it’s fine..sometimes if I drink loads of coffee I get a bit jittery and might get some anxiety or panic flashes but I just roll with it because that’s just what you have to do..never avoid it…I also found that it was mostly in my head anyway:’if I drink coffee I will feel anxious’ whereas that’s really not actually the case..I had two coffees today and I felt fine, or maybe not completely but it didn’t really matter..if you see what I mean..you can’t avoid the anxiety, you just have to go with it and not hate it so much and I know at the beginning this is so hard but it gets easier.
    I have a rather odd question but the other day I was talking to a friend who told me how important it is to know about your ‘gut’ feeling towards situations and people when you’re making a decision….and I thought ‘well how on earth do I have a gut feeling that actually represents reality, I have anxiety therefore my gut feeling is pretty much bad all of the time(or a lot of the time)’ and then it dawned on me just how much ‘anxiety’ or the churning stomach (gut feeling) wasn’t really real and that’s what makes us worry so much because we are sensitised and therefore have this horrible feeling a lot more than people who don’t suffer, but actually it’s pretty unimportant and you have to trust your rationality rather than this feeling and just know that you have the feeling because you’re in an anxiety state..does this make sense?it seems to be this is where all those confused feelings come in as well, because if you were to trust this bad gut feeling then you would make decisions accordingly and just end up avoiding lots of things and thinking the worst every time….I don’t know, just a thought..wonder if anyone else has thought about it like that!

  128. Jody Beauchamp Says:

    Alex, Oh how I can relate to the bf situation lol..when all this started if I was lucky enough to fall asleep I would be awoken to him snoring!! I would have to fight to go back to sleep as I had panic etc..then in the morning after id been awake for several hours and he would get up and I would be so infuriated because he was rested and feelling normal. We are just feeling crappy and when you feel this way its easier to take things out on those closet to you. It will pass…just take it easy and dont beat up on him to bad :)

  129. angela Says:

    I have a good tip as well for worrying thoughts that keep coming back and seem scary………..number one rule—-THOUGHT ARE JUST THOUGHTS–they are not reality, so when you notice a thought and get an instant anxiety reaction to it, you just have to KNOW that it was just a thought..if you are confused about which thoughts to pay attention to and which thoughts to disregard,any train of thought or worry that makes you feel bad is not worth regarding as reality..the other thing for people who keep being scared that they’re going to do something bad just because they’ve had the thought..practice flooding youself with all the thoughts that scare you and gain some distance to really understand how unimportant they are..I do this quite a lot when I notice myself getting stressed out abo
    ut something that I’m thinking I just ask for more and more just to see them float by and take them as just thoughts..it doesn’t always work, sometimes I get caught up in them, but when I realise this, I try my hardest to distance myself even by repeating them until they lose their power and just seem ridiculous.
    After every set back you think to yourself:’that was ridiculous, I can’t believe I got so caught up in that stupid thought’ that’s all it is…

    ‘Stick and stones will break my bones but thoughts will never hurt me’
    –from richard carlson’s book (start living stop thinking) I highly recommend it.

  130. scarlet Says:

    Hi Jody,

    “I also have a question. Does anxiety come from overthinking? I remember always over analyzing thngs obssevily, but the adeneraline hasnt always been there. Is it my mind saying it had enough? Can someone please explain why the adeneraline is there and exactly what it is? Thanks!”

    I took this from Will Beswicks website doyoupanic.co.uk (a friend of Pauls).

    ” ‘Anxiety’ can all start off with just one ‘adverse’ reaction to a stressful, or traumatic event, or, indeed, to an ‘extended’ period of stress, or pressure and this can then lead to the future ‘inability’ to do anything. ”

    I also think you can have an ‘adverse’ reaction (an overreaction, perhaps a panic attack) to an obsessive thought which then starts a chain reaction, until you become afraid of all thoughts and react with panic. This was the case with me.

    Hope this helps….

  131. scarlet Says:

    Jody, drink your morning coffee ;-). I still drink coffee by the bucket load, and I’m recovered now.

  132. scarlet Says:

    Hi Kate,

    “I was just wanting to know if you ever had any obsessive thoughts that made you panic to the point you really felt you could do the thing?”

    Plenty of times. I had post natal anxiety and depression and had a young baby to care for whilst suffering and at my worst, and all my thoughts centered on my baby, dropping, harming, you name it I thought it… I was afraid to bath him at one time cross the road with him, and had a fear of knives and what I would/could do in an irrational moment, and ‘of course’ I panicked over all these thoughts. But…. I lived through all these irrational worries and my baby is three and half now and I have no such thoughts….. and he’s fine and a very happy kid 😉

  133. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Jody,

    “I also have a question. Does anxiety come from overthinking? I remember always over analyzing thngs obssevily, but the adeneraline hasnt always been there. Is it my mind saying it had enough? Can someone please explain why the adeneraline is there and exactly what it is? Thanks!”

    I took this from Will Beswicks website ‘doyoupanic’ (a friend of Pauls).

    ” ‘Anxiety’ can all start off with just one ‘adverse’ reaction to a stressful, or traumatic event, or, indeed, to an ‘extended’ period of stress, or pressure and this can then lead to the future ‘inability’ to do anything. ”

    I also think you can have an ‘adverse’ reaction (an overreaction, perhaps a panic attack) to an obsessive thought which then starts a chain reaction, until you become afraid of all thoughts and react with panic. This was the case with me.

  134. scarlet Says:

    Jody, just want to say, I replied to one of your questions and sent it twice and it hasn’t showed. There’s a possibility there is a sending delay (or a glitch), so I will resist sending it for the third time and if it hasn’t shown in the next hour or two I’ll resend it….. 😉

  135. MLK Says:

    Hi Everyone,
    Just wanted to let you all know that I have been doing better this past week. I have decided to not worry about how i feel and just go with it. It has worked and there have been a ton of moments where I dont even think about my anxiety…it really is such an amazing feeling. I still feel it inside me at times and it definitely isnt pleasant, but I try to focus on other things! It can be somewhat hard for me to come on this site because when I read about other people’s progress or lack there of, I tend to think “what if I feel like they do now?” so I try to not come on and dwell on the subject all the time.

    Scarlett-do you have any advice? As far as if you felt a little anxiety, but you felt better? What types of thoughts and emotions did you deal with when you were almost recovered?

    I really hope that everyone realizes that they can recover and they will if they just relax, let the feelings be there, but continue on with the things you want to do! This is something that requires a large amount of paitience and understanding, and everyone can do it!!!! No matter how terrible you feel! Have trust in yourself and know that anxiety is tricky, do dont let yourself play into the thoughts and feelings…they arent really that important! Hope all is well with everyone..keep your spirits up! :)

  136. Kate Says:

    Thanks for replying Scarlet. Just having a bit of a bad day but it’s all part of the process x

  137. christina Says:

    Hi Patrick and Victor,

    I was wondering if you have any pearls of wisdom as you are dealing with a setback. It’s surprising to me how I could be feeling so well, and then return to an old pattern. The pangs of panic that bring with them the thoughts, is the hardest to deal with.

    It’s not like I was 100% anxiety free, but what was there, didn’t affect me most of the time. I don’t want to discourage myself in this natural process. I guess I could just use an uplifting word, even if it is something I’ve already heard 10 times! Thanks

  138. Jody Beauchamp Says:

    Scarlet I got it..thank you! I have had a really good couple of days and then today I took a nap with the baby and when I woke up WHAM!! Its here again. ITs ok though..as soon as the shakes have passed Im going outside. It doesnt matter, its just a feeling and I have a move to make. Ive come so far and I know this will pass :)

  139. scarlet Says:

    “Scarlet I got it..thank you!”

    Jody no it was another reply. I sent it three times now, and one to MLK… must be a glitch, have sent it to Candie to see if she can post it. It’s very late here now (nearly one am) so gotta go…

  140. Alex Says:

    Jody, has your anxiety affected your relationship with your boyfriend at all? I think mine might be ruined…

  141. Alex Says:

    I don’t know if my posts are going through either?

  142. Jody Beauchamp Says:

    Alex, in the begining I thought it was going to ruin it. He did not understand at all. He would act like he was irritated that his life was changed because of what I was going thru. Actually it was. I couldnt clean, cook, take care of the baby..I didnt shower..nothing!!! All I kept thinking was about “me”. I would yell at him, scream and cry..I didnt understand what was happening to me so I started to google. Thank GOD I came across here very early on. I read somewhere on here that someone told there other half that they didnt need to understand..they just needed to believe them. Thats what I told him..to please believe me that I was going thru hell. That I was learning to deal with it and that I loved him dearly and that I need him. He has been a rock since!! Than goodness for that! He started out being a butt about it but hes started understanding. Dont let it ruin your relationship…anxiety takes so much already..strips you of your energy, positive thoughts,relationships, soo much more! Just talk to him…I have found that by being open and honest and letting people know the truth..that I have anxiety and its a process they seem to understand and have stepped up and even help more with the baby. My 2 year old makes me so happy and I dont know what I would do without her! She sings to me and plays with my hair…I love her to pieces..and before she would irritate me..THATS what having anxiety can rob you of. I owe my life to people here. Today has been up and down all day after a week of good days..but whatever!! Im happy to know Im on the right path…and Ive seem glimpses of my life that I havent seen in many many years..Im here if you ever need to talk ok :)

  143. Nina Says:

    hey Jody Beauchamp,
    You mention something about coffee and I wanted to give you some insight about that.
    When I first became anxious (which was horrible, I thought I was going to die), I gave up on coffee (which I adore), liqour and ciggarettes (my anxiety was cause by weed so even the thought of being in a room with somebody that smoked gave me panic attacks). I was soo terrified to drink anything with caffeine and felt i had to give it up. A while after I started adding caffeine to my daily life but i always use to check how i felt because i was afraid i will get all jittery. Coffee can give you a rush because of the caffeine BUT dont be afraid to do nothing just because of anxiety. My anxiety broke out 7 months ago and I have come along way, I drink coffee when ever I want (i dont even think about anxiety when it comes to caffeine), I went back to smoking ciggarettes (which is a really really bad habit, but once I again I quit it cause its not good for my health) and i have my occasional drink (i dont get drunk cause I think i will panic, lol). My point is that I have come a long way and I dont ask my anxiety if i can do things.The one thing that i wont do ever again is smoke weed. I hope this helps. so have you cup of coffee in the morning ;-), the secret to learning how to deal with anxiety is knowing when its creeping up on you and telling yourself that your going to be ok, sometimes i get jittery and I find myself breathing and telling myself that im ok and it all goes away.

    hope this helps,

  144. Nina Says:

    sometimes i get jittery and I find myself breathing and telling myself that im ok and it all goes away, it never escalates so from a scale from 1-10 (10 being the worst), My anxiety gets to a 3 and I just self talk and breath and im back to me :-), so learn what it is that makes you nervous, listen to your body and you will grab anxiety by the horns (lol). Im 21 btw (got anxiety when i was 20, isnt that horrible)


  145. Lisa H Says:

    Just wanted a bit of advice-as usual-you’re the advice queen-lol!!!
    I can honestly say i have conquered the physical aspects of anxiety completely but what i am left with is constantly looking in on myself-sometimes every few minutes it seems!!
    It is always the same boring stuff-am i enjoying this? Could this be depression because i have loads of negative thoughts pass through.
    Do you get to a point were you stop thinking about how you feel all the time? Think this stems from feeling quite numb about things. I am doing absolutely everything i could in my life now-its crammed!!
    I suppose i am wondering if it takes a long time to re-inforce the dismissal of negative thoughts-i have such good days were they float in and out and then days were they are so real. Also,does there come a point were you get bored with the thoughts as i definitely got bored with the other aspects and they disappeared?!!!

    Thanks Scarlet.xxx

  146. Jody Beauchamp Says:

    I really wanted coffee yesterda y and didnt see a reply here so I had some lol..Im glad to hear its ok! I drank one cup and called it good. I love my morning coffee :) I also smoke cigarettes and have smoked lots since this has happened. I think that may be why I feel sick because of possible nicotine overdose. My doctor told me to cut back right now if I couldnt quit. I CAN quit but to be honest I dont want to right now. Yesterday was so weird..I have read about ups and downs on here but boy I had a up and down day ALL day yesterday..it changed hour by hour! I also find that by going to bed earlier helps. I get more hours of straight sleep. I almost couldnt function yesterday but i have a huge move to make in a couple of days and I CANT sit around, so I kept moving. I have had anxiety for so very long and didnt know it! I just thought I was a anxious person and lived with it, obsessd over it. I am seeing glimpses of times that are so open thinking for me, and I know Im on the right road, however becasue Im 39 and can remember all the way back to 6 years old that Ive had this, I know its gonna take some time. I just live with it, am personally tired of it, and am letting my mind rest for once in my life. At times its great! Others it sucks..but thats ok. I will come out the other end stronger!

  147. Jody Beauchamp Says:

    I just read a post in the archives from someone named amy. WOW she describes what happened to me perfectly! She even slept for 3 days! She even said that claire weekes described waking up and feeling dizzy..thats EXACTLY how it happened for me!
    I need advice again lol..I have a 14 hr deive this friday. I have a two year old that does not travel well..any advice to how I can get thru it? I dont have anxiety connected to it at all..Im just dreading it big time! I thought of stopping halfway thru and getting a hotel so she can get out and run. We can sleep and shower and hit it again. Im confused/anxious about this move and really hope its the right thing.
    I also have a medication question..my doctor put me on celexa 20 mg when all this happened. My head feels weird/different all the time..I feel medicated and dont like the feeling at all. I am living with anxiety at the moment and I just let it ride with me thru the day..things are becoming more and more clear..but becasue I started the medicatioon AND found this site at the same time..Im a little afraid of stopping the medication, however I dont like how I feel…any thoughts on this?? As you all say…Cheers :)

  148. scarlet Says:

    Thanks Paul, so all the missing posts went into Spam LOL


    “Scarlett-do you have any advice? As far as if you felt a little anxiety, but you felt better? What types of thoughts and emotions did you deal with when you were almost recovered?”

    When I was nearly recovered, I was still a little bit affected by what I read or watched on the news, had a few niggly what if thoughts (what if I don’t get better, what if I am like those I read about). I still googled a bit and checked the news to see if anyone anxious or depressed had committed the crime, still was a bit obsessive. I felt a small numbness, nondescript feeling during the day, and my heart raced a wee bit at times when an intrusive thought came in. I still had a wee bit of depression, felt down and dull in a morning, plenty of “woe is me type feelings”. I felt irritable at times as well and was more argumentative/confrontational I guess (not sure about this one, cos maybe I still am LOL)…

    Lisa seen your post, back to you soon x

  149. Candie Says:

    Hi Scarlet iv had a word with Paul and hes let all the posts through so your post should be through right at the time and date when you sent it. If its not il put it on myself from you, let me know x

  150. Jody Beauchamp Says:

    Scarlet I got it..thanks for trying so hard to respond :) I appreciate it. It makes alot of sense. Mine comes out of nowhere, but then I realize im overthinking when it happens. I have a HUGE move to make to a state fourteen hrs away, I have a whole house to pack and load and then drive (with a two yr old) then unpack and set up. Im taking it one task at a time and not getting overwelmed. Actually we are ahead of the game as far as how much we have packed and loaded. Just did it backwards and loaded the couch so I have no where to sit lol..

  151. christina Says:

    Staying in the moment is key. It’s not that easy to do when you are anxious, but with gentle practice it can happen. Our minds can be our enemies or our friends. They often change alliances, from moment to moment, hour to hour, day to day. Later on even week to week or month to month!

    Set backs are hard. You can begin to question things all over again, but the truth will ultimately prevail: this is not us forever, this is anxiety with all its games.

    All of your stories and encouraging words are appreciated. This is the best blog and website of all :)

  152. Victor Says:


    I am with you. This website and blog is essential for people who want to recover. Never mind the pills and everything else that money can offer, the solution is within all of us.

    I have been dealing wiht a minor setback lately but been having steps forward again. I needed this website to remind me how far I have come and how obtainable recovry is. It is right in front of all of, with that said I wanted to share a quote I read today by Ralph Marston…

    “Fear is powerful & Yet so fragile. Though it can stop you cold, fear can be gone in an instant when you decide you have had enough of it”

    Read this quote and let it sink in. “fear can be gone in an instant”. this is all about attitude. Thoughts may not go in an instant, but our fear of the thoughts can. Once we lose that fear thats when we begin to recover. I am in my setback because for whatever reason I began to fear again. When before I had been laughing at these thoughts and laughing at myself for ever letting these thoughts bother me in the first place.

    Hope this quote helps someone. It is a powerful quote and very true. Again, if you can change your attitude and stop fearing, you can recover.

  153. yolande Says:


    I so agree with you.
    I am now just living day by day and trying not to think too far ahead but it’s so hard to control the mind. It JUST wants to think far far ahead. arggg

    i still have problems abt knowing when i shall recover. i suppose i wud know it when the time comes – so silly to think abt this now.

    possibly different ppl judge their recovery by differently as everyone is different. currently weaning off my anti-D and trying to keep a hopeful outlook on things.
    Fear does come in somtimes but i try not to let it get to me. talking it over with my mom helps a lot.

    i know one day that this too shall pass. :)

    good luck to all!

  154. christina Says:

    I love that quote Victor! It really sums up how something so formidable in its affect on us, is perhaps no more than a paper dragon. Several months ago I was talking to a friend also dealing with anxiety, and she was so tired and found it hard not to see it as an almost demon force. Suddenly, I got this image of a Chihuahua with those plastic vampire fangs in its mouth. I told her (and myself) to imagine anxiety that way: something that’s trying to be a lot bigger than what it is, an impostor. At least we got a little laugh from envisioning a tiny dog trying to be Dracula!

    Yolande, that’s great that you are trying to live day by day. I know sometimes for me, I really have to reign in those projecting into the future thoughts. They are seldom positive, and can get your mind in a real knot. It can all seem so complicated, but when you get those clearer, calmer times, the answer is so simple. Take away the adrenaline and all these anxiety related symptoms start to disappear.

    Good night and God bless you all

  155. Nicola Says:

    Hi everyone,

    Just a really quick one just share something interesting I say while flicking through TV channels the other. There was a guys on the morning show talking about a cure for chronic back pain that sufferers experience even there is nothing physically wrong with their backs… the upshot was that this guys was proposing exactly the same cure as the cure for anxiety that we practise (or not practise!) here:

    The back pain is very real and is caused by the nerves sending pain messages to the brain ie the pain had become a nervous system habit. The steps to recover were:

    face the cause of the pain – become informed so that you no longer fear the pain

    accept that the pain is there

    change the way you think about the pain

    be patient!!

    I think it also involved excercies and movement…and the patients had therapy to help them think differently about their back pain.

    Anyway I thought that was very interesting and another example of how our brains/nervous systems can be retrained but that it takes quite a long time to happen – just like anxiety recovery!!

    OH also just to add a couple of weeks ago I felt very despairing – cried a lot, felt I would never recover, felt sorry for myself, had a night of bad dreams and adrenaline rushes…..only to be followed by a run of best days I’ve had so far! It gave me hope and also confirmationt that I’m doing things ‘right’ even though I still had moments of doubt and still quiet fearful. I hope this makes sense and encourages somebody.

    Warm thoughts to you all :)


  156. Jody Beauchamp Says:

    Good morning all. I love the quotes. They make so much sense. I am happy to report that I got half my house packed and loaded into the uhaul yesterday..half a house to go lol.
    I am taking things one day at a time, not worrying what tomorrow is going to bring. I am so happy for the small progress that I have made in the last month. I have actaully come a long way from where I was at. I have my appetite back and can sleep for up to 5 hrs without waking up..and when I do wake up Im not in a panic. However..I still have a few questions.
    When I do wake up I feel jittery… sometimes dizzy. I think this may be because of the medication I am on. I am on celexa, a antidepressant, but I dont believe my anxiety was brought on from depression. I had a scary episode that went on for 2 weeks and I was consumed with anxiety and then the problem went away and so did my anxiety. Then two weeks later, the anxiety came back with a vengence. I dont want to be on antidepressants but my doctor says I need them. Any thoughts on this?
    Sometimes anxiety for me comes on without thinking..it just happens. I think my body is so used to the physical it happens automatically? Sometimes I realize my legs are SO tense and my shoulders and I have to loosen up. Also when I move my head, my neck cracks alot which it has never done before.
    I try and find positive things to focus on and dont look to far into the future and say “what if”. I am sooo happy I am not laying on the couch unable to move or interact with anyone. I am even cooking now lol…This may come back full force, but it doesnt feel like that day will be today..so I will just enjoy little things day by day :)

  157. Diana Says:

    I read recently that the American artist Georgia O’Keefe was quoted as saying, “I’ve been terrified every day of my life but I never let it stop me from doing anything.” I think that is very powerful.

    I wanted to address something that has been on my mind lately, and that is the subject of taking things on. People who are prone to anxiety often tend to be sensitive — and have a hard time saying no — and take things on, sometimes more than they should considering their tired minds.

    This it something I do have a lot of experience with. I look around and see a million things I could be doing, or doing better, or improving. I take them on only to exhaust myself when, in reality, had I not bothered to take them on, I would have been able to rest.

    There’s a big difference between avoiding things and deciding against taking on too much. There are lots of things I would love to avoid — out of fear — but don’t, because giving in means giving in to anxiety. But it’s also important to remember to rest when our minds and bodies are fatigued.

    I have a B&B and am historically renovating an old part of it. Because of the snow, the construction got delayed– and delayed. Yesterday we had 50 cm of snow, unheard of in Italy for this time of year, shutting everything down. The guests start to arrive in 4 weeks. This is a real slam-dunk test for me.

    I definitely feel fatigued, and am already reviewing my list for what I can hand of to someone else to do. Originally I was going to do large scale mosaics, paint and wax the walls myself, even make some of the lighting fixtures. Well, the mosaics are getting reduced, I am getting a painter in, and today I am going to buy the light fixtures. It will cost more money to do it this way — and money is always an issue for me and my anxiety. But I have learned enough in the last year to know that the anxiety is just a ruse. I will do what I need to do to not only get the room done, but to stay healthy and to be in good shape when the guests arrive. I will not get frantic. Frantic feeds my anxiety and exhausts me.

    I don’t want to be dealing with anxiety during the season. That means I can’t allow my mind to get tired. The more I think this way, the calmer I feel, and the better able I am to get done the things that need to get done without exhausting myself.

    Exhaustion plays such a role in anxiety. So my lesson for you all out there (I am older than you lot so you should all listen to me): Take good care of your physical selves. Eat right. Get exercise even when you feel like crawling in a hole. Allow yourself to rest. If you have no appetite because of the anxiety, make yourself smoothies with lots of good fruit and milk and honey. Don’t take on more than you can handle right now. Don’t avoid things you love to do. Take time for yourself to relax.

    Blessings all around.

  158. Jody Beauchamp Says:

    Wow diana..that hit the nail on the head for me. I have always been a people pleaser, taking on so much, even times I KNOW its to much im just afraid to say no. With this move I am making I told the hubby..I will do what I can. I will help you, but we need to get help with this. Before I would have single handedly loaded everything myself, taken care of the baby AND drove all the way. Not this time. When this anxiety came on it wiped me out. I have to take care of myself and saying NO is ok. I am not superwoman and I cant make everyone happy. I can only take one day at a time, be thankful for the progress I have made, hope people will continue to understand (but if not oh well), and take care of ME for once in my life…Thanks for the post…and as far as taking care of yourself physically I couldnt agree with you more. When you dont do that you physically feel like crap which adds to it. Just do these things for YOU and not do it to chase anxiety away. Anxiety is with me everyday,,but ya now what..SOMETIMES it dawns on me that there are times that its gone. I know im getting there…
    Have a great day..and maybe someday if I travel that way I will stop at your B&B :)

  159. Jody Beauchamp Says:

    I also wanna say that I will be moving in the morning..its a very long drive and I dont have internet set up yet where I am going. I wont be here for a little while…so no worries :)

  160. scarlet Says:

    All the best Jody, safe journey, speak to you soon…x

    Candie, all my posts are their cept my reply to MLK, can’t see it, can you search the spam folder for me,, see if you can find it. :-)

  161. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Lisa,

    “Just wanted a bit of advice-as usual-you’re the advice queen-lol!!!
    I can honestly say i have conquered the physical aspects of anxiety completely but what i am left with is constantly looking in on myself-sometimes every few minutes it seems!!
    It is always the same boring stuff-am i enjoying this? Could this be depression because i have loads of negative thoughts pass through.”

    Anxiety can bring on depression, the psychiatrist told me they are intertwined. At the end of my suffering a bit of depression was the last to go for me, and I know many have also said this. Follow everything you have been told on this blog and it will disappear soon. You are following the same patter as everyone I have spoken to, it’s the ‘final’ frontier stage.

    “Do you get to a point were you stop thinking about how you feel all the time?”

    yes you do.

    “I suppose i am wondering if it takes a long time to re-inforce the dismissal of negative thoughts-i have such good days were they float in and out and then days were they are so real. Also,does there come a point were you get bored with the thoughts as i definitely got bored with the other aspects and they disappeared?!!!”

    yes there comes a time when you don’t fear the thoughts any more and they are nothing more than an annoyance, then you continue to self check for a while and then the checking becomes less and less and disappears eventually.

    Thanks Scarlet.xxx

  162. Scarlet Says:

    Lisa, check out here to see what Paul wrote about depression and negative thinking


  163. Wayne Says:


    Good to hear from you again and great post…..

  164. Davidina Says:

    Candie – I have a question – I notice lots of people have the same symptoms as me – checking in etc. I find when I do this I feel a wave of panic because I know this is unnatural. I have been putting myself in situations now that I avoided. Sometimes I feel uncomfortable and I have had a few fleeting times when I feel normal. This breathing thing is driving me crazy. It stemmed from relaxation and breathing exercises. Most people,reading from the posts find this helpful but I get a bit obsessed like ( am I breathing properly ) and I think this has made me more aware of my breathing and I find myself listening to my every breath even when I am with friends. Could you help me or anyone else who have had these symptoms.

  165. lisa Says:

    scarlet,sooo glad you replied to lisa h,your posts are as always fab 😉 im finding this is my last hurdle to recovery now.all my thoughts are everyday normal ones now but still left with the attention on myself and the constant checking in on myself,it really helps to no that bit goes too. davidina i no your question is to candie,but i can assure you its just habit,i used to be the same,once you your busy with other things you dont notice your breathing,if you wander back on to it,just think “hello you again” and back to what you were doing,you will break it :-).hope everyone has a lovely weekend,its pouring down here!!

  166. Eileen Says:

    Hello everyone,

    Have endured the physical and mental symptoms of anxiety for many years (now 57) Found this site and Paul’s book in October 2009,and have been trying to follow his guidance, since everything else I had previously tried had had no effect…

    Had a big setback in December, but since then I have continued to follow the advice.

    However continue to wake every morning with butterflies in the stomach, and a tension which starts in the head and shoulders and continues througout the day, sometimes leading to tension headaches and migraine.

    I tell myself that this is due to excess adrenaline, and continue with my day as best I can with the tension and headache..

    What I was wondering.. is the continued waking pattern due to habit, and will it eventually pass. (Has been 3 months continually, so far). Just require a little encouragement and reassurance that if anyone else has gone through similar times it helps to know..

    The good news is the weather in Wales is lovely this week, and the dog and I have been walking lots. We have a new baby girl in the family, baby Estee (going up to see her tonight). Have booked a holiday abroad for April.

    Love and best wishes to everyone.. Eileen

  167. Kate Says:

    Hi everyone!

    I wonder if anyone can give me a bit of advice about avoidance behaviour? There are quite a few things I avoid because of an irrational thought due to anxiety and I’m worried there are going to be more and more unless I do something about it. Should I take things slowly or try and do everything straight away? When I just think about it my fear levels rise massively. I am also supposed to be going on a date next week but am really worried about starting a relationship (and have been for a few years) as I am scared to go to certain places in case I get anxious and don’t think it would be fair to put someone through all this. I know anxiety is stopping me doing quite a lot at the moment and just wondered how to start changing my behaviour.

  168. Jody Beauchamp Says:

    Eileen..I can respond to the waking up at the same time everyday. When mine first came on, I woke up every two hours in a panic. Then I read somewhere to sit still and let the adeneraline happen, dont run from it OR get up and do something with your day. Ive done both. For many months I woke up sometimes at 2 am and sat as wave after wave of panic hit me and I would throw up over and over. I was so weak and lightheaded and had horrible migraines and would have to sit in a dark room to make it go away. Let it happen, dont even give it any respect, its only a feeling and cant stop you from doing anything. It has no control unless you let it. I know easier said than done, but after doing this for many months I got sick of it. Tired of the feeling and just gave in and stopped fighting. It was exhausting..the thoughts and physical symptoms. I was fighting and feeding into something that could go away if I only let it be…
    I can say I slept for 9 hrs last night w/out waking up, and all week had no panic..only a tiny bit of adeneraline..but its ok. It can stay..it wont stop me :)

  169. Diana Says:

    A few comments…

    Thanks Wayne, I am a little fatigued from over work and worry due to the project but staying on track with my thinking.

    Jody, be kind to yourself with your readjustment after moving back. Things always look different after you have returned to a place you have been before.

    Eileen, yes it is habit and it will let up eventually. Some of these things are so stubborn and cause us so much angst. I struggle with sleeplessness but it is an old problem, completely tied in to anxiety. Can you maybe look at neck massage (deep tissue) for the headaches? I have a feeling that you are blocked up there because of the lack of sleep and constant tension. Getting deep tissue or acupuncture for the headaches might help with the sleep as well. We women carry a lot of stress in the shoulder neck and jaw areas. Congratulations on the wonderful news of a healthy baby girl in the family!

    Kate, you get going on that date girl! You are not dragging anyone into anything. You change the habit by getting on with life. I know you are really struggling with this, and have been for a long time. You have the info you need, you are doing what you need to do by allowing the thought to be there but by getting going with your life.

  170. Kate Says:

    Hi Diana

    You are soooo right and have just given me that extra push!!! I’m gonna do it, thank you xx

  171. christina Says:

    Hi Candie,

    You mentioned that you had recently come through a setback. The last few days I have been in one. I don’t know if I had one before, if so it was minor.
    Could you tell me a little bit about it, were you tempted again with negative thoughts? Was your sleep or appetite affected at times? I would appreciate any encouragement and advice. Thanks. Oh btw do you think that yours had any stressful circumstances that helped stir it up? Thanks again.

  172. Alex Says:

    Kate, I definitely understand what you mean. I actually just broke up with my boyfriend because of my anxiety. I have a lot of anxiety related to relationships because they are so uncertain, and I fear the pain of a breakup. It’s been really hard for me. During my good periods, I am not afraid, but when the anxiety comes back, I get scared and can’t figure out if the anxiety is from the relationship not being right, or if the relationship doesn’t seem right because of the anxiety.

  173. Davidina Says:

    Hi Lisa – So glad you replied to me. Your advice sounds good to me. Thank you. I am so glad you said (constant checking in on myself will go to) This is my problem too and I worry about it. Obviously, you have learned to accept this so aiding your recovery. I have a lot to learn. Thanks Lisa. Diana – I have rested more often since your advice. Didn’t realize I was so tired. Take time out now to try and relax. Hope your season goes well, and your hopes and dreams. You deserve it. XX

  174. Davidina Says:

    Lisa – You probably know I am scared of this anxiety, Were you the same before you ventured on Paul’s book.

  175. Candie Says:

    Hi Cristina, a setback is where you feel tons worse then you have in a long time, for me my appetite went and i would wake up with bursts of adrenalin.. the whole thing was exhausting but worth it in the long run as its really pushed me forward. The idea is if we can come through the worst of it we get better at dismissing anxiety as a whole and not been too bothered with it been there. You will come though this better of :)

  176. Candie Says:

    Too add, yes it was deffinately stress that caused mine… was majorly stressed at the time. It also showed me how to deal with the stress too

  177. Scarlet Says:

    Kate, just to reinforce what Diana said, you must continue living your life alongside your anxiety for it to go. DO NOT stay at home like a hermit waiting around for it to go… this is a mistake, and a sure way for it to hang around longer. So no excuse now, get yourself out on that date ;-).

  178. Wayne Says:


    I have been taking meds to help me sleep and a few weeks ago I started taking half the dose, cutting pills in half, then taking them every other day and now I am 3 days without taking any. I have not slept well as my palpitations begin before I go to bed. I know this is a process so no panic on my behalf. Wondering how long it will take before I can at least sleep 4-5 hours without waking or being awake till 3am before I fall asleep?

    No sleep tonight though, 10 nine year old girls over for a sleepover for my oldests b-day.

  179. christina Says:

    Thanks Candie!

    I’m sure I’ll be having more questions. You and others are good coaches for those of us still learning to really let go.

  180. Wayne Says:


    Also, headaches, lump in throat and aches in my neck and shoulders have come back. I assume due to the lack of sleep.

  181. Alex Says:

    Another question for everyone…who here hold full time jobs? My supervisor talked to me today and said that my performance isn’t as good as it was when I started a few weeks ago (before my anxiety came back), and that I seem like a zombie. How are you supposed to “float” through all of this when it affects your job and could get you fired?

  182. Steve from Korea Says:

    Hi everyone,

    I don’t know if this is also related to my anxeity. Thesedays, I feel so empty when I think of my old memories. I just miss the time when I was a kid and I feel like I reall want to go back. And when I realize that it is impossible, it makes me really sad. Today, it got worse and I even cried. Before I had anxiety, I enjoyed thinking those memories, but now it hurts my feeling and makes me very uncomfortable to think of them becuase I know I will never be able to go back. I don’t know, I think I just want to stay in the present. I am also scared of aging. I keep questioning myself if I will be able to have a happy life when I get older. I never worried about these kinds of things before, but they are now so hard to deal with:(. any advices would be very much appreciated


  183. trez Says:

    Hi eveyone,havent been on in a wile because i was doing great 4 a few months,just in a bit of a setback at the moment,not getting to worked up about it as i now know it will pass,i feel rotten but this is what the mind does it tricks u in to believing that u r going backwards because when im feeling good i dont even think these thoughts.just to let people who r struggling at the moment things do start getting better just stay positive,i myself was like alot of people on this blog,i thought i would never get through it,now im having great weeks so dont give up on yourself recovery does come.x

  184. Jody Beauchamp Says:

    Hi everyone..I am now on the road..pulled over last nite and got a hotel…they have wi fi lol…its beautiful here..im in virginia in the mountains and its gorgeous…I will be home to michigan today and cant wait!!

  185. T Says:

    Steve from Korea,I know exactly what you mean. I look back when I was a kod,had no worries and was soo much happier. I really miss those days,everything was so much easier. But as you say there is nothing we can do about it,we cant turn back time,so we should just accept those nice memories and cherish that time and focus on now and on future. May I ask how old are yoU?

  186. Kate Says:

    Hi Scarlett

    Thanks for the advice. I’m going to do – nervous but I’m sure anyone would be – eek :)

  187. Michael Says:

    @ Alex: Anxiety effected my performance at my jobs as well. Here is what I did, hope this helps. Find something in your job that you love, or maybe even a couple of things. Loving something will make your look forward to it. Set up a goal, small at first, then increase it. Then pat yourself on the back for reaching the goal, and if you have days you don’t, tell yourself tomorrow will be a better day. Don’t beat yourself up, it’s part of the recovery. By doing this, your performance will rise.

    Happiness is a choice you make ahead of time, don’t let it be determined by your circumstances.

  188. lisa Says:

    davidina i sure was, in the end it just becomes a nuisance, you become bored of it.loose your fear and you loose your disorder. :-)

  189. lisa Says:

    wayne,your worrying about how long itl be before you start sleeping for 4-5 hours DONT!! without realising YOUR putting that worry ther,do you see?? let it come ,let it go, hope the sleepover went well. kate,hope your date went well. good luck youl be fine :-)

  190. Wayne Says:

    Hi Lisa,

    I do know what you mean now. The sleepover went great and I had resigned myself to the fact I would not get much sleep and I ended up sleeping for 5 hours straight, 2am to 7am and then a two hour sleep this afternoon. Thanks……

  191. Candie Says:

    Hi Davidina, i know exactly what you mean sorry i only just read your post i must of missed it before. The breathing thing was major for me for a while, i read a few anxiety sites and some about meditation saying i need to get my breathing right to balance things. So of i went tryin to slow it down and make the breathes out longer, well i suddenly found that because i was focussing on my breathing i felt i couldnt breath.. then i went on to try to learn how to breath which made it worse. With this one you should just accept due to thinking about your breathing you have learnt to monitor it which makes you breathless when trying to adapt it, once the focus goes away from monitoring it you will automatically breath normally subcontiously. Some of these sites post so much crap that make everyone worse, your breathing was a result (symptom) of your anxiety, not the cause of it.

  192. Candie Says:

    I would say 99% of anxiety is caused by reacting to ourself, we think oh god i just felt that weird feeling had that strange thought what does that mean then.. well at that point it should all be put down as silly anxiety symptoms and not read into producing a whole host of what ifs and more anxiety. The other 1% is just what life throws at us, but even then we choose how to interpretate the situations. Take an argument, pre-anxiety i would have one then for hours mull it over in my head, what i should of said how i will ignore them how mad i am. Making the adrenalin rise and rise. Nowadays the argument mostly stays in the moment, as really after the moment has gone i’d really be torturing myself with it all

  193. Davidina Says:

    Hi Candie – I understand what you mean. I have to learn to accept the physical symptoms and carry on with my day. You get so tired. Lisa has given me some tips too and I am working on them. Since I came on Paul’s site I have put myself in situations I wouldn’t have contemplated before. Sometimes good and sometimes not so good. I always let the (not so good) ruin my day. To accept’ I have to change my attitude, and forget the bad. Am I right. My son has wanted me to come to his home for weeks now. He lives in a beautiful part of the country about 4 hours away. Up until now I have always refused, but now I am going. He is coming down to pick us up for a week’s holiday. Before I would not take my anxiety with me but its going on holiday now. Do you think I am taking things too fast. By the way, you are an unconscience comedian – your bit about (some sites post so much crap) had me in knots laughing. Haven’t done that for a while. Lisa – my partner thinks I’m mad going about saying Hello, you again. Thanks girls –

  194. Scarlet Says:

    Hi MLK,

    “Scarlett-do you have any advice? As far as if you felt a little anxiety, but you felt better? What types of thoughts and emotions did you deal with when you were almost recovered?”

    When I was nearly recovered, I was still a little bit affected by what I read or watched on the news, had a few niggly ‘what if’ thoughts (what if I don’t get better, what if I am like those I read about). I still googled a bit and checked the news to see if anyone anxious or depressed had committed the crime, I was still was a bit obsessive. I felt a small numbness, nondescript feeling during the day, and my heart raced a wee bit at times when an intrusive thought came in. I still had a wee bit of depression, felt down and dull in a morning, plenty of “woe is me type feelings”. I felt irritable at times as well and was more argumentative/confrontational I guess (not sure about this one, cos maybe I still am LOL)…

  195. Clare Says:

    Hi guys,
    My names Clare and i’m new to here so will just introduce myself, im 20 years old and started with this at 13 so in may onmy 21st birthday it will eb 8 years of anxiety but no more!! I knwo exactly how it started, on my brithday I went out with friends to a pizza place and got an upset stomach, the next day I went on holdiay with my family to France…in the car and was sick the whole journey. It panicked me that much it happened on the way home and then never left. Over years my school sent me to see a councillor but no help there, my GP perscribed me beta blockers at 14!! Again no help there. Over the years I became VERY good at controlling these symptoms and eventually the everyday feelings went and would only come back at holidays or big events. I thought long and hard about them and felt good conmtrolling them. Once going to university I noticed they were not coming when they should have been like on holidays…success I thought but oh no I was wrong. This june I have a holday booked the Florida with my boyfriend (who is very good at accepting my anxiety, his mother has agrophobia terribley and he will not see me end up as bad as her) and being very organised I have been planning very hard, spending time on bloggs planning each day out. Until the stress cup spilt and the panic is now here everyday, something it hasnt done for many years. So I dont know if I should be blogging on here if mine wasnt always everyday (please tell me if I shouldnt be).
    Im trianing to be a teacher at university and my teachign practices never get anxiety with them, I had a teaching practice through January and when I returned to uni in February I felt very funny catching the bus and coudlnt undersatnd why my feelings where back which usually are diahrreoa and sickness and excessive shaking. It was getting to a point when I would panic before getting the bus and the other thrusday I boiled over and had to walk away and leave my lecture (when i walk away I class that as a full blown panic attack for me), i felt terrible when I got home and slept all day, I went back to the doctor who acctually was very good and recommended me for CBT at a local centre. The feeligns got worse and on the saturday I had to go home from my boyfriends and started with insommnia and was sick everywhere. I never looked online for help but somehow did and found this, I ordered pauls book and it gave me such an insight, he’s right this is the only way and no matter how hard you want to chicken out you cant! Its like when you stop having sugar in your tea, its so easy to fall back but you keep going and in the end you get use to it! Its been a week and I feel better im facing things head on rather than controlling them, its hard but I WILL make it!!! Like all of you! When you keep walking to work or the supermarket when your dying inside it feels so empowering, its like adrenline from the empowerment is there too! Im so grateful for finding this but things till get at me especially my up and coming holiday- do i cancel and book something later in the year when I will be mroe equipt to deal with it? Or plough on and have a holiday even though I may not be 100%? When the holiday thoughts come in do I just let them stick there? what about when I have to do things related to it like buy things for it!

  196. yolande Says:

    hi Alex,

    I am working full time and trust me, it’s not easy. Maybe i am lucky in a sense that my job is not particularly stressful right now and therefore allows me to recuperate slowly. it’s hard to go to work daily when you feel like crap – i have been thru all these in the past few months. was so tempted to resign and hole up at home.

    When i felt bad at work i take a deep breadth and slowly breathe out. i wud go somewhere, the toilet, my boss’ room if he is out and take some time doing the breathing exercises and trying to calm down. mostly Alex, you just have to rough it out. no easy way out.

    if you want to talk more, you can email me at nell_taurus@yahoo.com

    take care Alex, it does get better – altho when you are in the thick of it, it doesnt seem possible.

  197. yolande Says:

    hi scarlet or anyone,

    your advice to Kate got me thinking.
    i am currently awaiting eyeing a new position which is very challenging and demanding. not sure if i shd go for it – but if we shd just go ahead and live our lives, as per your advice to Kate, then it seems that i shd go for this.

    i am afraid that i wud not be able to handle the stress and that it might make my anxiety worse. no one in my company knows of my condition. just need some encouragement and adivce here. sometimes i find it SO hard just to make a simple decision. it’s like i cant think clearly enough – prob due to anxiety i suppose

    i am much better than previously altho i still occassionally have the low moods and self pity – the last frontier but not quite over it yet. :)

  198. Alex Says:

    Yolande, I know exactly what you mean. I live in NYC and had been thinking about changing fields and trying to live somewhere new, but since my anxiety came back most recently, I’ve been all of that on hold because it takes all my energy just to get through the day.

    Also, regarding setbacks, I have gone through episodes of anxiety that last for months every year for the past 4 years…I feel like I will always have them, even though I accept them. Does anyone know why it keeps coming back??

  199. Victor Says:


    Glad you are doing better, I remember you from before. Just stay focused and dont let this set back get you down. You know what you are capable of because you did well for a few months. Its just a little habit that is back around. The less you pay it attention the shorter its stay. I recently had a set back after doing great for 7 months, and I am now feeling stronger that I felt those 7 months. Trust me, set backs are good sometimes.

  200. Steve from Korea Says:


    Thank you for your advice! Yeah, I think I have to focus more on the present than the past. Accepting and having fun wherever you are is the road to cure I guess. Oh, and I just turned 21 in Feb. It might be sounded little silly that I said a such thing when I am still young. But you know it’s kinda tough to deal with these stuff when your mind is so tired. Anyways, thank you so much again :)

  201. Fiona Says:

    Hi folks loads of good info on the blog again. Setbacks are a means to an end. As Scarlett says the you keep getting symptoms, they dont just vanish over night and you wake up cured. Even when you know you are stronger than the anxiety you can still back back into the old what if pattern and being impressed by thoughts and symptoms. But the difference is you know exactly what is happening and why it is happening i.e. you’ve let a bit of dp get to you or a word has got you thinking or scary thought has stuck. This happens because you still have anxiety but you can deal with better because you understand what it is and why it is here. You know that it will pass, you have confidence that you will look back in a few days and wonder what you got yourself so worked up about. It is this confidence and the lack of respect of symptoms when they appear (which they will) which allows you to forget about anxiety and move on to recovery. I have put a post below from Paul form a while back, i think it is lost now, in which he describes what full recovery is like…. i think it is really useful and i’m sure anyone who reads it will get a lot out of it.
    Fi xxxxx

    Full recovery was strange as I thought I had just about recovered before. But I do remember the day when I could just chat freely without reverting back to me, without feeling as though I had to place each word in a sentence. I said to my mother ‘I just know this is it, full recovery’ she asked how and I said well you know when people say they think they maybe in love, but they are not sure, but others say if your in love ‘You just know’ that was what it was like.
    Before I thought I had recovered as I had so many good days, but now I knew, it went to another level, total freedom. I never thought about anxiety unless I worked with it anymore and then it was just like any other subject, it no longer bothered me. My mind was so clear and my nerves had healed, they were no longer sensitised and did not feel rushes of fear for very little reason. I was not racked with feelings of anxiousness and not constantly irritable.
    My mind was no longer tired through fear and worry, the deep thinking about my condition, no longer tired it further, it had regained its flexibility and felt so clear. It was like the whole subject was behind me. One thing though was it felt odd to feel free again, just like being let out of prison and it took a while to readjust to feeling normal, anxiety had been part of my life for so long it was only natural.
    Setbacks are the hardest things to make people believe in as they are always so impressed by how they feel at any certain time. I remember a couple of weeks back, 2 people saying on the blog ‘It’s back, I don’t know what I have done wrong, why do I feel like this again’. This came even though I tell people time and time again it will be up and down. Mine recovery was very up and down and I sometimes nearly gave in and thought, I need the quick fix, I can’t be bothered with this up and down affair anymore, but thankfully I held firm. What people need to do is go through setbacks enough times to understand it is part of the process and although not nice, a setback only has the power you give it. If you start questioning everything again and worrying that this dreadful thing is back, feel sorry for yourself, then you have given the setback all the fuel it needs to continue. Just have faith that they always pass, you don’t have to like how you feel, but just remember tomorrow could be the best day yet.

  202. Paul David Says:

    Just to add to what Diana said kate, you go on this date and just enjoy yourself. I mean what is the worst that can happen? Nothing, you really have nothing to lose. On the other hand you could have a great time and meet a really nice, understanding guy. More than that you could come home so pleased that you did it, you went and came through fine. How much confidence does this give you for the next time you go? ‘I came through fine the last time, I felt a little edgey at times, which was only to be expected, but I was fine, so there is nothing to worry about’. This is where the real victorys come from, this is where you build up that insulation. Trust me nothing ever goes as bad as our sub concious mind has us believe.

    The only way to unmask the truth is to find out for yourself and hiding at home does not do this, it’s just adds to the feelings of failure, adds to the belief that we are stuck in this rut, builds up insecurities, it just keeps the cycle going.

    A case in point that happened to me. I really wanted to join a local walking club, they did a 6 mile walk and then off to the pub after for a meal. It was something that really interested me, but I could never do this as the same what ifs would come, ‘What if I make a fool of myself’ , ‘What if I start babbling?’ , ‘What if I come across as strange?’ So I put off ringing for weeks. Then a light came on and I thought, ‘You know what I don’t care anymore, let’s see what happens, I have nothing to lose’. ‘This is the sort of situation that will give me my life back, not sitting at home hoping I wake up one day cured’.

    So I rung the number, a lady answered and said ‘We meet every other Sunday at this particular place, we will see you there’ The day came and I felt a few butterflies, but who would’nt? When I got there I was told we would have to walk with different people every 10 minutes, so we get to know everyone. I then basically took it 10 minutes at a time, talk to this person, then the next, I felt the usual oddness, a little apprehensive, but I was fine and come the end of the day I was chatting away pretty freely and did really enjoy myself. I got in the car to come home and could not take the smile off my face, I did it and was fine, nothing bad happened, I was so proud of myself.

    And what happened the next time I went? Well it went fine before, nothing happened, so I had no ‘what ifs. for the second meeting. I had built up that little insulation and unmasked it for what it was, nothing than an over anxious mind. I was soon going on these walks regular and they just got better and better and I began to really look forward to them. This helped me in every other situation I went towards, I recognised the butterflies, the anticipation, but went ahead anyway. I had taught myself that no matter how I felt it was just a bit of adrenalin on sensitised nerves and that nothing ever came of it.

    So kate do go and come back and let us know how you got on.


  203. James Says:

    This is an excellent thread, I am really enjoying reading the response to this. I actually think it is this post that has given me the confidence to see my anxiety for what it is, and nothing more. Well, I am getting there!

    Is it a normal symptom to anxiety to not be able to hold onto a thought for more than a second or so? I feel that my disorder has gotten worse over the years, since I find these days I feel truly lost in the derealisation. It seems the real me is hidden even deeper, and I find my conscious thoughts feel buried. I have to focus very hard on the real world to feel as though my mind is still here.

  204. trez Says:

    Hi Victor thanks for the advice,as i said im having a setback at the minute but i will get through it as ive done before,its not nice when it happens when your doin well for a few months,its annoying when i start thinking that im feeling strange again and questioning everything that i do and everyone around me,my mood is also low,i know it will pass again as it has before,have u ever felt like this Victor?

  205. T Says:

    Steve from Korea,I am 20 years old so it doesn’t sound silly.lol. Yes we are still young,but life is much harder now than when I was 13 or 14 years old. My psychiatrist told me this is a very hard time,we are maturing,growing up and really facing life. I also get stuck in the past,because present is not very nice because of all this. If you need any advice,ask, I’ll be glad to help

  206. Victor Says:


    Absoulutely! I was doing great for about 7 months, to the point where I thought I was recovered. I got the occasional odd thought, never had any odd worries, but I was checking in atleast once a day. But compared to how I was doing before, this was great and I felt great, I thought that was a good as it got.

    Then in January I had a couple stressors come up. Mainly my grandmother was ill and we knew she did not have much time to live. I started worrying “what if I cant handle her death and anxiety comes back” “what if i get a panic attack when i find out she has passed away”, all before she even passed away! well sure enough all this worrying caused my anxiety to creep back around before she ever even passed away. and to show you how foolish our minds can be, she passed away in february and although I had other anxiety issues going on, I handled her death very welll and had no panic attacks.

    Since February I have been settling back down. This pass weeek my obsessive thoughts, which is my biggest issue, have settled down. I am beginning to feel great again, and stronger. I have been getting the occasional worry, like today I have been worried about am I Schizo. I know however that this is just a habit, since I am not worried about my obsessive thoughts anymore my mind is trying to find something to worry about.

    I had my days the past month or so where I got frustrated and sad, like how can I do so well for so long just to have a couple of rough monhts. But I have realized that times like these will make me stronger and it is just part of the process. 3 months ago I thought I was fine, I thought I was recovered. Now I know that things can get even better than they were, and I still have some steps to take. It is a learning experience, and will make the rest of my life that much more enjoyable once I recover.

  207. Steve from Korea Says:

    Hi Victor,

    I am so glad to hear about your story. I have been feeling so well for the last two weeks. But about four days ago, when I started to worry about flying this summer and feel like I want to go back to the past where I was normal and younger, anxiety came back again. I thought I was about 90% recovered and didn’t expect that setback was going to be this bad. For some reason I feel like I forgot how to cope this thing again. I hope this is really a part of process….

  208. Eileen Says:

    Dear Paul,

    Have put up with various symptoms of anxiety for many years, varying in severity and length of time. This episode started in October last year, when I was put on medication by my doctor. Became really depressed over Christmas, but rallied through this episode.

    I found your site in October and read your book repeatedly….. However I seem to be stuck with this miserable tension throughout my body, and anxious stomach feelings.

    Am continuing to do everything I used to, but feel really tired of it all. Was looking after my nephews daughter yesterday, and couldn’t have been more distracted, but still the feelings were there.

    Having read several chapters of your book again, I feel I should be moving forward, or at least losing a little of the tension..

    Would welcome any reassurance from you that I am on the right track. Felt really positive a few months ago, but having made little or no progress am beginning to feel despondent.

    Would welcome any suggestions. Eileen.

  209. Stevie Says:

    Hi guys, I have recently discovered this website/blog and find it excellent. I posted in brief a couple of times. To summarise where i am at – I think I suffer from ‘relationship anxiety’. I have had a chequered personal life. When I was young, I had a child after a one night stand. I didnt find out the girl was pregnant until she showed me a scan picture. I didnt find out the baby was mine for 15-16 months after, and following efforts to have a regular presence with the mother and baby which failed, I havent seen her in 10 years. Since then, I feel like everything I touch turns to dust. I met a great girl, got engaged, and 3 nights after that, in a restaurant, I had what I know know was a panic attack about getting married. I struggled on, without confiding in her, for 16 months, before the constant anxiety, panic, stomach tension, etc. forced me to give up on the relationship. I got myself together, and about 19 months after that, I met my current girlfriend – we have been together about 4 years now. However, from the beginning, I seemed to start out on a negative footing, I didnt want to get married, and thought about ending things several times. I didnt, and here we are, still together after 4 years. Last summer, we were away on holidays, and I started to feel the same symptoms again, we were lying in bed, and my mind was racing, thinking I just want out, I want to be on my own – my stomach was sick, I was sweating and panicked. I confided in her, and have been working on things with a therapist since last july. I guess my major problem is that, sometimes I dont believe I am suffering from anxiety, I just think that my girlfriend must not be right for me. Other times, she smiles, or we share a joke, and my heart is just bursting with love for her. My mind races a million times a day, flip-flopping from saying things like – ‘just break up, she obviously is not right for you’ – to ‘Stevie, it is you that has this isue, and you will always have it, regardless of who you are with’. I guess what I am looking for is something to cling to from you guys – am I going mad, do I have a form of anxiety that is triggered by relationships, or should I just give in and end it all? I should end this by saying, if you honestly gave me a choice of being able to do anything with my life ( money, dream job, etc. ), I would swop the lot to be happy, relaxed and in love with my girlfriend, and have my ‘peace of mind’ back. I would really, really, love any advice or helpful suggestions from you guys. I was trying to advise some people here last wek, but had a massive setback this weekend, and am back ay my anxious and panicked worst again. Thanks.

  210. Will Beswick Says:

    Hi all, just to contribute for the first time on this fantastic blog, posted on another blog category which I don’t think is current, so have copied same post onto this one!. Paul and I seem to see things in a very similar way and he has done a fantastic job bringing this out into the open. For what its’ worth, I appreciate people’s feedback when they visit my site and some say it’s confusing/some say it is exactly what they need as they want to know ‘why’ they suffer to be empowered, so I take note and will respond here!

    The reason I suppose is because I found out so much that I wanted to explain it all as knowledge is power, BUT the solution is really quite simple!

    Whatever your anxiety/follow-on obsessiveness, you just need to realise as on ‘Hells-Bells’ response on ‘obsessiveness and scary thoughts’– my primary-secondary thinking concept description is ‘exactly’ the way I look at this.

    However, it is important to note that my recovery has moved on so much, that the solution to ‘banishing’ those secondary unnecessary ‘reactions’ has become so much more refined and ‘to the point’. It also makes SO much sense when you can look clearly at what you’ve been doing.

    Basically, I wrote an addition to my book called ‘The Rule of 10? because of this movement forward in my understanding.

    Ready? Ok, When we have a ‘bad’ thought/feeling – we ‘respond’ ”every time” with tension – right? Ok, so this tension is basically a ’speeding up’ of the brain.

    Now, quite simply – this IS ”unnecessary” as I explain re this being ’secondary AND conscious’ process. SO – we simply have to ‘reverse’ this process to ‘regain/resume’ our mind flow. This ‘calming to flow’, as I call it – cannot be ’saying things in our heads in response to our panic, or repetitvely doing things to recover’ as this IS the problem all over again i.e. all these do is ‘intensify/speed up’ our minds further – which is our panic again and why so many of us ‘get’ into the cumulative panic ‘trap’..

    So, without going into ‘too much’ detail as I don’t want to confuse anybody – we simply have to calm our mind WHEN we feel panicky – and yes, I know that this can be difficult to stick with when you FEEL that you want to keep tensing up – as you feel you ‘have to’. Truth is, you don’t and it is dealing with this temptation that IS our problem. As Paul keeps saying re not giving thoughts ‘over’ attention, it really is the case that ‘the panic is the problem’.

    Eventually, this ‘taking your foot OFF the pedal, rather than putting it back ON it, will see you flowing better through ALL those good AND bad thoughts – as that is what life is and should be. However, it is just our heightened ‘propensity’ to react to our primary thoughts which IS the problem. This is the ‘habit’, as Paul says, which we can change. cheers Will (ps sorry if I am not always able to answer on this blog as very busy) but thought I would try to help!

    There is also a lot of stuff re obsessive habits being the ‘over-protective’ side of holding onto positive controls – I will leave this to another day – but this is STILL the same ‘conscious intensing’, but this happens with our ‘positive thoughts’ just like negative thoughts – we ‘post-react’ to them also..

  211. Kate Says:

    Hi Will

    So glad you have joined! I am part way through your book and it’s fantastic and a great help.


  212. Fiona Says:

    Good one Will!! I read your book a while back and when you ‘get into it’ it’s easy to read and really helpful.
    Fiona :-)

  213. lindsey Says:

    Hi there

    I am new to this and had read yolande comment on not knowing if you are taking the right path. I have the same problem and i am trying my hardest to just go with my path as everyones is diffrent and hope that it works. Its confussing and causes more upset that we dont need wondering if its right or not and i still havent figured it out and i am hoping that i will in time as thats another hard one for me time. Got to go now but glad i finally got to post something. Going to trya nd come back later and let you know where ia m at at the moment as i think other peoples stories can help and reassure. Thanks

    Lindsey x

  214. Nicole Says:

    Hi Scarlet, you say:

    When I was nearly recovered, I was still a little bit affected by what I read or watched on the news, had a few niggly ‘what if’ thoughts (what if I don’t get better, what if I am like those I read about). I still googled a bit and checked the news to see if anyone anxious or depressed had committed the crime, I was still was a bit obsessive. I felt a small numbness, nondescript feeling during the day, and my heart raced a wee bit at times when an intrusive thought came in. I still had a wee bit of depression, felt down and dull in a morning, plenty of “woe is me type feelings”. I felt irritable at times as well and was more argumentative/confrontational I guess (not sure about this one, cos maybe I still am LOL)…

    This pretty much describes how my life has been over the past few years since I found this site and discovered Claire Weekes. I don’t Google at all and my days are quite full but I still find that I am quite sensitive to anything in the news or film regarding depression or anxiety although I don’t believe that I have had depression; just some desperate times and low feelings occassionally which I know not to make much out of. What I am asking though is do you think that there is a missing link to why I am still sensitised and holding myself back? I know that I have conditioned myself to react with fear to these topics but when they come it starts the what ifs all over again….”what if this is something more than anxiety, that’s why it has not gone” “what if I really need professional help to get through this” “what if I need meds” “what if, what if, what if” Just writing it all down emphasizes how ridiculous i am

  215. Leslie Says:

    Hello everyone. I haven’t visited the blog in a while and I’ve done really well over the past few months. I made it a point not to visit or talk about anxiety AT ALL! At first, that was so incredibly hard, but I felt like it was a step I needed to take and was ready for. Lately, I find myself in a bit of a setback. It was in March last year that I began ‘suffering’, so recently I find myself thinking back to how I was this time last year and all sorts of old feelings and memories come flooding back. There is definitely some emotion that is still stuck to these memories, but it seems to be getting less. Nicole, I can totally relate to what you wrote: “I still find that I am quite sensitive to anything in the news or film regarding depression or anxiety”. I’m definitely the same. When I see commercials on the TV for anti-depressants, I’m reminded of when I was taking them (for about 6 weeks last year) and some scared feelings come to the surface. Little things like that still get to me. I definitely feel, as you put it, sensitized. The biggest hurdle for me, and something I still struggle with, is doing everything I did before I had anxiety. My ‘scariest’ thought through this whole thing has been that I’m not ‘supposed’ to feel good now that I have anxiety…..I’m not ‘supposed’ to be getting better and moving on with my life. In the beginning, I can say I was literally paralyzed with fear and scared to even talk to anyone. I had no clue what was happening to me. It has subsided soooooo much. But I still get thoughts that make me question whether or not I should be recovering, and then a little pang of fear comes in. Along with those thoughts come thoughts/feelings that I shouldn’t do things because that would mean I’m getting on with my life and actually getting better. It’s almost like anything I would enjoy doing before (i.e. exercising, watching a favorite TV show, getting a manicure, making dinner with my husband, etc. etc. etc.) is something that I now question and believe that I shouldn’t be doing because that would mean I’m getting on with my life and forgetting about the anxiety. Some days those feelings are so intense. Other days, I’m more in the moment and able to put those feelings aside and do more of what I want. At times, I find myself obsessing……”when am I going to feel like I should actually go to the movies”. Then I get so caught up in all those thoughts and get really frustrated. It’s almost like I need to force myself to do normal things and not think about what that means (i.e. that I will be recovering). I realize this is not accepting! I feel like more than anything, memories of how bad I got and how real it was to me, are what hold me back a bit. Can anyone relate to any of this?

  216. Victor Says:


    I can relate to what you are saying. I am still sensitive to certain things sometimes, but overall I feel good. I also check in more than I would like to. But I dont think its anything wrong on our part. Like Scarlet said, she ran about 98% for awhile. I think its just habit on our part, and certain habits are hard to completely get rid of. I think the important part is to continue doing what you are doing, when you do get concerns dont question or over think them, just let them be.

  217. lindsey Says:

    Hi again

    Got chance to get back earlier than i thought. I am 6 months in saturday gone and i felt like i should feel something though i never. I have since realized though i should of felt lucky that i had made progress since this nightmare started. I was packing to go on holiday and all of a sudden i felt like i was going crazy. I kept telling people there is something wrong with my mind although i was scared to say this aloud, for it what it would seem like. My family would just look at me and say its ok but it wasnt ok what was happening to me!! I went through with my holiday how i do not know but dont forget at this time i still dont know what is wrong with me and that is making it worse by the minute. Reassured that a holiday (in the uk) would do me the world of good i went. It was hell and i demanded to see a doctor/nurse on arrival. I was kept quarteened incase i had swine flu to then get to see a nurse. She did my blood pressure and i was high and she said that i was having an anxiety attack from an overload of worry. I felt very confused and thought anxiety no it cant feel like this i thought i was going to die from a brain tumour or end up in a mental health ward. She redid my blood pressure and it had significantly dropped. I dont know how i got through the holiday but i did i am starting to find that i must be stronger than i think though i dont always see this clearly and feel like i am going to fail any minute. I arrived home to go see my doctor to be told pretty much the same and he places me on beta blockers. Arranged for blood tests to be done urine samples etc. All of which were ok. But he could never reassure me that anything was normal that i was exsperincing for example if i asked is it normal for me to feel like i am going crazy he would reply i would exspect so he would never YES thats fine there was never any reassurance like he never had confidence in his anwsers. I realize now that this was because he musnt have known to much about it. Though i do have to say though he could never reasure me he did have time for me and was always at the end of the phone if i called in a state about something or other or i just wanted to know again about sysptoms. I felt awful for a very long time i was like a walking zombie waiting for my whole world to come crashing down and be taken away from me and i didnt know how much longer i could hold on. Days were long very very long i was terrified to be on my own, couldnt be on my own with my children they are 1 and 8 i still dont have my 1 year old for more than 1 couple of hours a day on my own and then she is asleep. This is only recent and i am trying to do better. I think its because small children are more demanding and she needs me 100% and i am so scared of failing that or not being able to be there for her incase something happens when we are on our own and when i have her i like to make sure people are near so if i call they can come. I would say to anyone reading this in the same situation try not to falll in to this same trap as me, easy for me to say i know but honestly it is now just another battle for me to overcome and get to the other side of. If like the book says i had just comfroted it head on and proved to myself that nothing would happen i wouldnt have this problem now i created it. I once rocked my daughter to sleep on her rocking chair on my own and as she lay there peacefully drifting off i felt awful the room was spinning my head hurt i felt sick i was hot my legs were like jelly i was having horrible thoughts but i did it i put her down and walkied out i dont know how my legs carried me but they did and most syptoms passed i still felt awful and drained but it never turned into anything and it showed me something that its amazing what we can do. some days are good others are bad i am learning this and i dont always appreicate the good ones but i am trying too. I have babbled on for ages now so will leave you with that and i think i will come back on with some more of my story later as i have enjoyed sharing my exsperience wth you, as i enjoy hearing yours and have more to tell. When i first started typing away my head was killing but has passed whilst i have been doing so. Off to do my relaxation cd now which is very good by the way its an NHS one for anxiety i got it on EBAY if you type in nhs relaxation cd for anxiety you should find it it has a blue cover and is normally about £7 thansk for listening

    lindsey x

  218. Davidina Says:

    Eileen – Im pretty new to the site too. – Have been suffering, like yourself for 10 months now. I have the same symptoms as yourself, and many more. After reading Paul’s book, I understood everything I had been doing wrong. Don’t get me wrong, I find it very hard to accept, and am a worrier. I have been getting a lot of feedback from our friends on this site and all are helping me. It’s not easy, because people say :I have good days and bad days.: I can honestly say I never have a full good day, but I have fleeting moments of (good). Do you go out with friends? I have started doing this. Sometimes I can’t stop looking into myself and other times I don’t. Do your friends know about your anxiety. I have found by telling them that I feel more comfortable. Sometimes I don’t even feel like going out, but I do. I still have all the symptoms and I still fear a lot. We wouldn’t have all these symptoms if we did not feel fear. We are concentrating on ourselves and that is why we feel these symptoms. You say you still do everything you normally do. I notice you are around my age and just wonder maybe if your family have left home now. I found just doing something different has helped me. I was in a rut and bored. It’s a horrible illness, but we have to be confident that we can beat this with Paul’s help. Come on site and talk to me. We can maybe help each other. XX

  219. Candie Says:

    Hi Scarlet, do u want me to just post the actual post u copied into me as i cant find it? x

  220. Candie Says:

    Hi Will, nice to see you on the blog, hope ya well

  221. Nicole Says:

    Hi Scarlet, you said:
    When I was nearly recovered, I was still a little bit affected by what I read or watched on the news, had a few niggly ‘what if’ thoughts (what if I don’t get better, what if I am like those I read about). I still googled a bit and checked the news to see if anyone anxious or depressed had committed the crime, I was still was a bit obsessive. I felt a small numbness, nondescript feeling during the day, and my heart raced a wee bit at times when an intrusive thought came in. I still had a wee bit of depression, felt down and dull in a morning, plenty of “woe is me type feelings”. I felt irritable at times as well and was more argumentative/confrontational I guess (not sure about this one, cos maybe I still am LOL)…

    This would describe my life since I found this site and started reading Claire Weekes. My question is – what is holding me back after approx. 2 years? I don’t feel that I was(am) that depressed but it is the thought about this happening and the stories in the news that always trigger waves of anxiety then doubt and over analyzing this to death. All of which I know to be counter productive.
    I know that there is a key to releasing all of the psychological symptoms from bothering me – pride/shame maybe? My life is full and blessed and I hold back from nothing but these feelings continue to come and cause me distress.
    If I could only truly feel the truth that they are nothing to be concerned about….Some days I truly do and I know that this is the right path and I feel recovered. For the most part I feel full of positive energy with an accompanying twinge of dullness or doubt. I know not to make these feelings into anything but when the anxiety bus rolls into town I lose focus. Any thoughts?
    With eternal gratitude,

  222. Paul David Says:

    Hi Will, Great to see you posting, welcome and I hope you are well.

    Just to let everyone know who Will who posted above is:

    Will is one of the few people on the net that I have time for on the subject. He has very similar beliefs to me and is a 100% genuine person who loves to help and gives a lot of his time up doing so. He supported me when I first came on the net in helping publicise me and my site without asking for anything back and that is something I have never forgot and he is one person who I will always speak highly of and consider a friend.

    Scarlet for some reason this blog does not like you :) I have just found 3 more of your posts in the spam folder, it is getting a bit odd as some go through and then some don’t, so it is hard to locate the problem, I will try and get the bottom of it.

    Diana thank you for your email, I will get back to you with more details, just waiting on one more person now to get back to me and then I will let you know and thanks.


  223. Alex Says:

    Stevie, I am going through the SAME exact thing right now!!! I don’t even know what to say to you because it is ruining my life as well. I was dating my boyfriend during a “good period” and now I’m having a bad setback and I started freaking out about everything. We broke up, but I constantly have that feeling of “what if I just always do this with relationships” etc.

  224. Nicole Says:

    Oops! Looks like my first draft of my last post was accidentally posted. Sorry for repeating myself!


  225. trez Says:

    Hi Victor its great to chat to someone who fully understands were im coming from.Today has been quiet hard as im steady checking in on myself and everyone and thing around me,i know its habit and it will go,but its the belief and feeling that im a stranger to myself that is making things harder.This seems to bother me more than anything,i can cope now with the physcial feeling as i know the pass after a wile.Im trying to work out is this a thought or a feeling,or is it my mind playin tricks,its another hurdle that im tryin to get over.x

  226. Nina Says:

    Has anybody seen the movie Numb? Thats exactly how i developed anxiety and DP and thats how I reacted to it. Im much much much better but sometimes I wonder if this bubble that im in will ever burst. This can be very frustrating sometimes but I gotta keep on.


  227. Nicole Says:

    Thanks Victor,
    I know that I am guilty of over thinking everything and I believe and have felt in several moments of clarity that the answer to all of these feelings is quite simple. So I just have to practice quieting my mind with a little meditation which helps and staying occupied. A

  228. Nicole Says:

    Sorry again, for some reason my computer is posting things when I am not finished! I was trying to say that when we feel strong about who we are in our core we are able to see through the weeds of thought to the truth – that all of this is just thinking with adrenalin attached causing habit. I can’t stop the thinking so I have to learn how to stop the fearing through non-reaction and welcoming. I think that I was making a big deal about welcoming every scary irrational thought though and in turn making them too important. I was throwing a mental party for them which helps them to hang around obviously!
    Having a “light touch” is ideal and not engaging or interpreting these thoughts is the right approach. I am working on having inner strength and faith in myself and trusting in this approach. We are off today for a little family trip and I plan on un-plugging from the blog for awhile.

  229. Debbie Says:

    Hi Eileen,

    You situation sounds very similiar to mine. I too have the constant muscle tension, I was pretty much able to get rid of it last year and was feeling really good. Then in December I too had a setback and now all the muscle tension is back. This week has been really hard, I just hurt all over. I’m accepting whats causing it, it’s just really hard to go through my day at work when I feel like this. I am doing yoga, relaxation breathing and heat/ice, massage. But I can feel the knots in my shoulders that just won’t let up. If I find something that works I will pass it on.

  230. Nicole Says:

    There it goes again! My apologies, anyways have a great day all…


  231. Alex Says:

    After reading Stevie’s post, does anyone else have any advice on relationship anxiety? I know a lot of you here are married or in relationships…has your anxiety or obsessive thoughts ever become directed on that? I know you’re not supposed to pay them attention, but how do you know if it’s real doubt about the person or just your anxiety??

  232. Candie Says:

    Regarding the relationship anxiety, its deffo an obsessive thought yes iv had loads like that. If any thought or feeling scares you its anxiety based. Its normal to have doubts anyway but obsessive doubt that scares you is anxiety not real. The way i got over this was when the thought popped back in id just think ‘thats ok to think that, anxiety will make me think scary stuff’ then allow the thought to stick around if it wishes. Its weird as soon as you dont care if its there, it goes.. real doubt wouldnt be like that at all and you wouldnt be able to dismiss it.

  233. lindsey Says:

    Hi Alex

    I dont have relationship anxiety but i can tell you that when all this first happened to me i just to see my partners car roll up after work and i would feel it start to happen again and i would have all the sensations and the dread. This went on and on and on! I told him what was happening to me everytime he came home and he took it really well. He never took it personally though it must of hurt like hell. In the time it stopped happening and gradually went away. As we are learning there is no magic wand and time plays a great part. I have also had similar problems over my son so i am lucky enough to know there not real as i utterly adore him to bits. As to whether or not they are real feelings or your anxiety playing tricks on you i suppose only time will tell and that you sholud try and trust your gut instinct and time will tell. I would guess its your anxiety but that is just my opion. Hope i have helped if only a little take care and best wishes. x

  234. Leslie Says:

    Hello, hope everyone’s having a good day. I posted about this a couple days ago…..so I was just hoping to get someone’s input. Something I really struggle with is the feeling/thought that it’s wrong to resume normal living after having suffered like this. I keep getting thoughts that I shouldn’t do things that I would enjoy because I have anxiety and it’s wrong to get on with my life. I know Paul talks about how feeling normal felt odd to him…..a kind of apprehension that lingered for awhile. I think mine is something like that, but it’s more that it’s wrong to feel normal……wrong to do normal everyday things and forget that I have anxiety. It’s like this whole episode is meant to haunt me forever and I shouldn’t forget about it. Can anyone relate to this? I keep doing normal, everyday things for the most part, and end up really enjoying them 95% of the time. It’s just that when I think about doing things before I do them, I’ll convince myself that I shouldn’t do it because I’m not supposed to get better…..in other words, I’ll end up enjoying myself and I shouldn’t. Has anyone else experienced anything like this?

  235. lindsey Says:

    hi leslie

    someone once told me to be careful that you dont fall into the role of playing the anxious person. I have always been aware of this and i think it would be so easy to do so. So i think its great that you are at 95% of the time and should be easier on yourself with the other 5% you are still recovering and thats probably anxiety still playing little tricks on you. i can understand where you are coming from you are suppossed to be unwell so how can you be having a good time? Dont feel guilty about enjoying yourself, enjoy yourself as much as you can. You are supposed to get better and it sounds like your doing a great job so you go girl!!!! x

  236. Alex Says:

    Leslie, I go through the same thing..like it almost feels weird not to feel the way we’ve been feeling for a while and you’re kind of just wondering when it’s gonna come back and bite you in the ass.

  237. christina Says:

    Hello all. I experienced a setback a week and a half ago. The thing is I’ve had several good days within that period. I know it shouldn’t matter to figure out why or is this a setback? But I guess I’d like to know if anyone else felt the back and forth in the midst of it. Thanks. :)

  238. Victor Says:


    when i did welll for about 7 months that is how it built up. I would have a few good days then might have one or two bad days. The key is that on thosebad days do not let them get to you too much. Do not think you are doing anything wrong because you are not, its just a part of recovery.

  239. T Says:

    hey Nina,I watched the movie “numb”. Its really good and really describes how I felt when I had dp.,awful.
    Leslie,I can relate to what your saying,I also had/have that feeling that I shouldn’t feel good or happy because of anxiety. I will feel good and then think”but you shouldn’t feel happy,you have anxiety”. But that is just anxiety again playing with our mind,trying to trick us again and drag us down. But just let yourself enjoy and have a good time,live in the moment. I am feeling ok,good days.still have weird thoughts pop op or feel odd but dismiss them and try to keep busy.
    One question: does anyone know why do I feel worse and more weird(got that dream feeling and thoughts) when its night,dark outside? I dont like going out at night because of it, I do go out and ignore it,but the feeling is still there. Does anyone have any explanation or can relate?

  240. selma Says:

    hi all
    i have been trying to post on here for a while and nothing goes up. i am really needing to talk. can anyone help??

  241. selma Says:

    ok, looks like my posts are going up! yay. CANDIE, you helped me so much in the past when i was having terrible anxiety while pregnant. well, now my beautiful boy is almost ONE! and he is the love of my life. i did SO well after the birth and was literally free of anxiety/depression for almost a year. then, when my cycles came back, my anxiety came back! i am still going back to being obsessed with thinking i am bipolar. for some reason, i am so stuck on rapid cycling or a mixed state. i just don’t believe that regular old anxiety/depression can FEEL as bad as it does sometimes. mostly, i just think to myself NOT AGAIN! i will have to deal with this for the rest of my life! despite having really down moments, i love my life, love my son and still can find the joy that i know in inside. i am just at times riddled with terrible thoughts and now, very depressive moods. espeically at night. i will wake with these terrible episodes of anxiety and depression, and even have terrible nightmares about having some kind of incurable depression. that is my biggest fear i think. i just can not shake this one last thing- thinking that i have some incurable, terrible psychological condition. and when i read about rapid cycling, i think that could be me! my husband thinks i am nuts. he says i am so stable. but at times i feel i am falling apart on the inside. just really needing some encouragement right now. can anxiety/depression really feel like an inner type of torture?i just cant believe that it can just be that…

  242. yolande Says:

    hi all

    reading stevie’s post re RELATIONSHIP ANXIETY brings to mind my own epxeriences – not abt relationship but WORK cos i dislike my work – it’s boring! i keep getting thoughts that ‘what if i cant find a job’ ‘what if i am stuck in this currnet job forever’.
    i do think it’s all anxiety based – but that’s not to say that my work isnt boring – it is. it’s just that anxiety makes it look and feel worse.


    i feel like you exactly!! not really sure if i am even depressed now or am i just having some low moods? how does one tell if you are realy depressed or just having a low spell??? it’s so confusing.

    i can feel that i am much much better but there is still somthing that is holding me back from full recovery. i suppose it’s cos i am fussing over my work and perhaps this is causing my recovery to slow down? sometimes, i just want to say HECK IT ALL. it gets so hard sometimes to carry on daily while feeling this way.

    also partly cos i keep wondering when i shall fully recover. Scarlet, you mentioned that you wud know when you have reached recovery. so i am taking your word to heart and hope that the day will come when the light lights up. :)

    sometimes i think we focus too much on ourselves and anxiety. i mean ppl who dont suffer from anxiety disorder, gets normal anxieties in normal daily living. so maybe, we have all recovered but we just dont know it cos we keep focussing on every little anxious feeling that we have!! think abt it. IS IT POSSIBLE THAT WE HAVE RECOVERED BUT AM MISINTERPRETING NORMAL ANXIETY IN OUR LIVES AND THINKING THAT WE ARE STILL CAUGHT IN THE LOOP?

    Geez. any comments?

  243. Nina Says:

    Hey Selma,
    Thats my biggest fear too, That i will have some incurable psychologic problem. I use to be soo terrified of depression that the commercials in TV had me literally holding my breath and freaking out, I use to think that this pandora box that sudden open full of anxiety, down moments and Dp will never be able to fully close. Im still a little afraid of depression even though im not even sure if i ever had, that brings to mind a big question which is where do you draw the line between feeling a little down and depression? I truly do believe that anxiety and depression go hand in hand and that i probably had have a slight case of depression. When we have all this anxiety inside of us, sometimes we feel hopeless and thats where depression can creep in. Selma, my sister told me the same thing too, that i look normal and that i was fine, now my anxiety is under control (thank god) I hope that the way I look outside (normal and happy) could soon become balance with how i feel inside.But I believe tha Im in a good road to recovery and I dont doubt that for a minute.

  244. selma Says:

    Nina, that is exactly my fear! thanks for your reply. it just helps to know that it might just be the fear holding me back, and not some actual illness that i can’t control…sometimes i can talk myself out of it and sometimes i cant…

  245. christina Says:

    Thanks Victor!
    I think over analyzing is a huge part of this condition, and I seem to be very good at this. I’m still waiting to get to the place where I don’t care how I feel, and certainly no longer dread the feelings anxiety brings. There are times when I think I’ve adopted that attitude. Then I get tested and my vulnerabilities reappear. I guess then the key is to accept my residual fear of the feelings, and not beat myself up for it. How are things going for you? I really appreciate your posts. I haven’t seen Patrick on here for a while. I hope he is moving gracefully through to recovery. God bless.

  246. Davidina Says:

    Lindsey – I have the same problem as you had with your partner and your son. I have the same dread with my two sons and I love them more than anything else in this world. Even thinking about it makes me panicky. Paul advised me to tell them and I have. I guess your right about anxiety fooling us again. I gather you are fine now. Did it take long to overcome this or was it better for you after you told them. Just a bit of advice would be helpful. Thanks Lindsey

  247. Victor Says:


    I am doing well. I am a huge over analyzer too! Even before I started suffering I would consider myself a worrier. You can get to the place where you dont care how you feel, and when you do, dont look back!

    I am doing well. It has been a little difficult to get myself out of my setback. After not caring for 6-7 months and doing so well, this set back is kind of annoying. Good thing is I know I am capable of getting myself out of it, my patience just runs low sometimes. Another good thing is I understand why I am in this setback, and that is always important.

    I am sure Patrick is fine. I know when I made major steps in recovery I did not even visit the website, hardly ever even thought about it. So it might be a good sign that he has not been on.

  248. lindsey Says:

    Hi Davidina

    No i am not fully recovered yet. I still am unable to have my 20 month old for long periods and only manage a coulpe of hours at a time. I am gradually making the return back to work i was absent for 5 months. Our shared exsperince is the they most awful feeling ever and very confussing too. It does just go away it started to happen less often at first and then stopped happening one day i would say i had this mid september (thats when my nightmare started!) and thinking about it i cant remember it being around at christmas. so i would say it hung around for about 2-3 months and i dont know if telling helped for sure but i think it did and i just use to reassure myself time and time agin this is not my thoughts its my anxiety thoughts playing tricks with me again. I would be vocal when i felt like this to my partner i would “say you just made me feel like that again” so he would know what state of mind i was in with him at the time. I think that helped as he would allow me space to come around and be clearer with my thoughts. I dont know if you have a partner or not so this might not be helpful to you as you probably cant do the same with children where as i could tell my partner that my son was making me feel funny and that i thought it was him that was making me like this so he allowed me again time to come around on my own and would keep my son busy away from me. I hope you are lucky like me to have this support. i know longer have any of these feelings towards them so it does go keep strong and i hope i have helped if only a little.

    lindsey x

  249. selma Says:

    Any further thoughts on the fear of a rapid cycling bipolar would be appreciated…don’t know why i am so stuck on this, but it’s like sometimes i think i feel so bad that it can’t possibly be simple anxiety/depression….

  250. christina Says:

    Hi Selma,
    If you had that, then everyone on here would pretty much have to have it too. This is an unbelievably common fear in anxiety. The force with which a thought comes and it’s “stickability” is caused by adrenaline, habit, and the memories we have of thinking this way. I find that there is usually a small collection from one to several, obsessive fears that tend to dominate when the anxiety is there. You might notice that when you have this thought, you get an instant reaction physically and/or emotionally. That in turn causes an upsurge of ADRENALINE which then makes you think “oh no, this must be true because now I feel more anxious and more hopeless”. It’s a dang nasty cycle. But we inadvertently perpetuate it. I and many others on here would tell you that they have had this very fear. It’s like okay, I’m not delusional so what’s the next worse thing. It can be consuming. Let me try to reassure you– You do NOT have any type of bipolar. You will be fine. God bless you my friend.

  251. Nina Says:

    Hey Selma,
    Believe it or not you are improving everyday :-) why do i say this? its because you said it yourself, sometimes you can snap out of it, thats a good sign that sometimes you are able to let it go. Your going to be fine, when you feel down and start thinking about your fears accept these thoughts (this method work for me and Im more than possititive that it will work for you), accepting your thoughts and fears and just breath through it ,it will make u feel better. practice makes perfect, just practice this and you will slowly loose your fear and all these thoughts will be a thing of the pass before you even know it (i gurantee you). Hope this helps,

  252. Nina Says:

    Selma stop looking stuff up on the internet!!! This will ony make you feel worse. i looked up what you wrote about rapid cycling bipolar (i didnt even know that there was such a thing). Anxiety and/or depression is a roller coaster ride of ups and downs. There are alot of mix emotions, thoughts and feelings involve. If you think you might have something else go and see a psychiatrist but i personally dont believe that you are any type of bipolar, I just think that your anxiety level is high and you have all these thoughts and emotions that are manifesting themselves. Selma, my anxiety was soo bad that I couldnt leave my room, i couldnt sleep, I failed all my classes last semester (which mean im on academic probation this semester) and the worst set back I had was when I was having obsesive thoughts of harming myself which use to send me into full blown panic attacks (the thought was there all day for a few days and I was literally scared to death of this thought, ironic isnt it.) I was soo scare because I love myself and sucide is something I would ever do (trust me), thats why the thought stuck around for a few days because i was soo petrified of it and at that momment was when my anxiety was at its worst and highest EVER. SOrry to write soo much about myself but I just want to show you that people can come out of the darkest deepest holes and be ok.

  253. Teresa J Says:

    Hello Everyone
    Just been catching up on the blog – nice to see Will on here too.
    I have been doing well moving forward with understanding and confidence. I went away last week and had quite a lot of symptoms physically but strangely was really well, I had them and was able to dismiss them ans as the day went on they melted. I did read the book by Richard Calrsen that was recommended on here (I think it was scarlet) – stop thinking start living. i would recommend it too – I think you need to be quite a way into recovery to ‘feel’ what he is saying can be true but it definitely worth a read, especially the chapter on low moods – waiting them out.
    When I came home i had what I suppose you would call a eurika moment and it lasted for most of the day – as if someone had opened all the doors in my mind and i understood it all and was not frightened by the thought of any of the physical symptoms. I think I have learnt to handle the ‘not’ physical ones as I am becoming less of a worrier about external things.
    However – I would welcome some advice from some of the members that have recovered or progressed further than me.
    I am again taking notice of symptoms, this worries me and then the symptoms stick. I have to be careful not to exaggerate here, because I KNOW i am improving and progressing lots but i still feel I am getting caught up in waking, worrying that I may feel as bad as yesterday – annoyed because I know I should not be doing this. I know I need to let the pain be there, then once the mood / attention shifts it will go. I worry that I am not grasping the concept of letting go – I know when I do let go everything is better and I am less concerned even when I have symptons. I think I’m rambling a bit , I just feel a little lost about where I am with it all – i suppose it’s the way it works.
    One example in the book that did make sense was that it was like being in a dark cave – the first time it’s really frightening but the more you go in there the more you believe there’s a way out to the light because you have felt your way out so many times. Think I’ve temporarily lost the entrance, lol.
    Hope someone can give me a bit of a pep talk . I’ve come so far think I’m holding myself back somehow. hope everyone ok –
    Diana how are you ? hope you’re ok now.

  254. Will Beswick Says:

    Hi again and many thanks to P

  255. selma Says:

    Nina, it’s funny- i did go see a psychiatrist and she didn’t get bipolar at all. but the more i brought it up the more she thought my anxiety level was obsessive! she said i would not have survived the pregnancy so well and that my symptoms would have started a long time ago. she also said that i would have damaged relationships in my life. she thought i had no appearance of it at all but there is still that moment where i go back and analyze. trying to let go and not analyze so much, but i will have moments where i say “yeah, that day was so bad and must have been xxxx” i am really trying. i appreciate your kind words more than you know. it really helps me.

  256. Will Beswick Says:

    Hi all Many thanks to comments from Paul and those of you who know who I am! As said, I don’t often get chance to write as quite busy trying to help people on my site, but will try to help re some of above comments?
    When I was at Uni I had terrible anxiety re my girlfriend at the time. Fact is, of course, there are always negatives re any aspect of life, but with relationships, this is one of the strongest emotions and for so many of us who are giving/sensitive/worriers it is really the worst combination for anxiety and obsessiveness!!

    However, as I keep saying, we should be confident with this aspect of our characters as these are very good things, but also things which we need to ‘tone down’ a bit to be happier!
    My next point is – llife can be such a fine line and I think we all know that. However, our problem is that we are always SO CLOSE to that boundary of intensity and therefore, we sometimes/frequently jump out of our flow – espec if in the cumulative circle of anxiety.

    As my work explains – to flow – we need to have a certain ‘level’ of calmness to achieve this rational state, OR we will keep ‘jumping out’ of that flow. I am NOT saying, by the way, that life is always going to be a ‘bed of calm roses’ = No but we must be patient with this recovery ‘habit-former’as it will take time. If we don’t – we will basically do the ‘opposite’ of calming ourselves – so we do need to have faith here to stick at this and understand that the only other option will be to constantly panic about our intense-prone mindset.

    I am also saying that to flow – we need to realise that this is calmly flowing with the good AND bad thoughts. Then there will be very little issue attached by us to ‘any’ of these thoughts.

    Because we are all so intense – yes, we do and would benefit from living a calmer existence, so, WHEN we feel panicky – we just have to CORRECT this ‘jumping out of our flow’, by calming to ‘rejoin’ it. So, we do this to help us move on in our thinking –

    …the defintion of calming is really a ‘mental awareness’ of doing ‘less’ (de-tensing/slowing our minds at our panic point) rather than ‘more’, which is the ‘conscious intensing/reacting’ i.e. our confused panic fighting/flighting
    cheers Will (sorry if cant answer immed to comments as explained).

  257. Will Beswick Says:

    Sorry I would also say about 99% of our anxiety is thinking there’s something else wrong with us and this is why it always gets out of hand. Self-confidence is really about learning that we CAN be us – and that is ‘allowing’ ALL of our thoughts – ‘without’ consciously and ‘intensely’ reacting to them. Remember, our seondary panic IS a completely separate process to those initial good and bad thoughts – however, it is still a very subtle process that can easily blend in with the rest when you are in constant anxiety. cheers

  258. Davidina Says:

    Hi Lindsey – Good to hear from you. I am so glad that you are going back to work. That’s a great achievement. My boys have left the nest now, one married and one working away from home. I try to explain to them how I feel and they say YOU ARE STILL GRIEVING MUM – I had a major loss in my life.Have seen a psychiatrist. He says I have chronic anxiety, gave me meds., and admitted that this is a condition that they know little of. Lovely eh? I have a partner. He is a quiet man. I think this is why I feel so uncomfortable at times. He is a good person and would do anything for me but can’t understand anxiety. I have tried to get my partner and sons to read Paul’s book, but they don’t want to. Can’t get them to understand that grieving and anxiety are two different things. Just have to get on with it myself. So good to hear from you Lindsey. Will maybe try and have another go at them. XX

  259. Rachael Says:

    Hi all,

    This is my third time trying to post HOPEFULLY this one goes up! I find it soooo comforting to talk (blog) with people who feel or have felt the same way I do, and the stories of recovery are a massive source of inspiration. Saying that, I have recovered HUGELY since discovering this site a year ago, I would say, on a varying degree, I am 90% back to my old self! Just by understanding, carrying on, treating anxiety like an irritating child that I have zero respect for. However I have one hurdle that just won’t seem to go away, and I never see mentioned by anyone. It’s irritability, believe it or not.

    This is my barrier to recovery.

    Basically, as a side effect to the intense anxiety levels I developed at the start of my suffering, I became extremely sensitive to the sound of certain people in my office typing. After leaving two jobs and having one individual fired (imagine how I feel about that now), this ‘typing noises’ beast has evolved into something my mind considers so powerful that it sometimes consumes my every waking thought. It’s the ultimate antagonist to my anxiety that I cannot control/avoid because people type in my job – naturally.
    Can I note here that I love my current job, and the thoughts of being forced to leave over this terrifies me – hence the anxiety grows.

    Every other symptom of my anxiety I’ve overcome. But it feels like nowhere does anyone reference a problem like this – which is all I need to give me the hope to overcome. I know it’s another anxiety symptom I know this, but it’s like my anxiety being poked with a stick. An active external source as opposed to just a situation I’m uncomfortable in. On a bad day it basically causes my whole body to shut down, my mind blanks and all power runs out of my limbs. And it doesn’t pass until the noise stops! Maybe I need to leave office work altogether!?

    So this wasn’t so brief! I apologise.
    I like to end on a positive note, so let me say this is just ONE FINAL SYMPTOM that’s confusing me a little, that’s all. I’m so much better than I was a year ago I can’t tell you, and in loads of ways my life has actually improved hugely in that time! I don’t care how long you suffer or how bad, there’s always hope, and always a life there to enjoy, DONT EVER GIVE UP.


  260. lindsey Says:

    Hi Davidina

    Si sorry to hear that you have suffered a loss. Are you still grieving or are they just assuming that your anxiety is because of your loss? I have also asked my partner to read pauls book but to no avail. I have left it around talked about it explained how i think it will help him to understand what is happening to me and also to believe it is real as i think sometimes you can feel like a fake as anxiety cant be seen like other things! I think it would help if our families would read pauls book for us and for them. I have thought about this and wish that they would but can kind of understand why they dont would you? would i? I dont think you can even understand anxiety if you havent exsperienced it so try not to worry about that too much as long as he is there for you its your road and it can be lonely one with relatives not fully understandking what we are going through and what is happening to us i still dont think my mum and sister fully understand what is going on with me. That is why we have blogs like this thank goodness so we can share and swop advice with others who do understand anxiety. Are you still on meds? Work is a great achievement for me though it is slow only doing two mornings as couldnt cope with more than that at the moment and i really struggle to concertrate but i am hoping work will help with that and of course time should help. How long have you been struggling with anxiety? Did pauls book help in anyway? When i first read pauls book i couldnt believe it i felt like he had wrote the book about me well almost not completely!!!! was so glad to finally have a diganosis self one if that and became less fearful almost imm but anxiety is a nasty piece of work and can take the best of us by surprise and throw us back into what ifs etc? Oh and its always worth another shot try talking to them again you never know. Best of luck. Lovely to hear from you,

    lindsey x x

  261. Leslie Says:

    Lindsey, Alex, and T, thanks for responding. It’s such a comfort just knowing that other people have felt like I feel. I truly feel like I’m coming to the end of my anxiety journey (slowly but surely). It’s just a matter of forcing myself to get on with life and do the things I’ve always done in the past…..even with that sometimes huge voice in my head telling me that I shoudn’t. I think where I keep getting hung up is that I want so badly to feel excited about doing things and not having this mental dialogue before I do them (i.e. you shouldn’t do this….you have anxiety). I just have to do them regardless of what my mind is saying and assume that the feelings of excitement will come in time. I think time plays a huge factor in getting over anxiety. Feelings and memories seem to be getting weaker and weaker as I move forward. I’m definitely not totally desensitized, but I’m getting there. It just feels so weird/wrong to ignore thoughts that at one time were so scary and seemed soooooo important. It’s like turning your back on anxiety and all the horrible things it’s trying to make seem so important. A very weird feeling for me. Sometimes I’ll think, ‘well these thoughts got so much of my attention at one point…..there has to be a reason I thought them in the first place…..there has to be some truth in them’. Well, I’m gradually realizing that thoughts themselves are neutral…..it’s just my reaction to them that has blown them out of proportion. Anyone who’s recovered or is well on their way, what was the last stage for you?

  262. Alex Says:

    When you all say “coming to the end of my journey” I get interested in this. I am currently in my 4th bout of anxiety/depression…it comes about once a year and can last for 6 months. Each time I think I’m over it, it comes back again. Last year I used this method, or so I thought, and came out of it, but now it’s back again. I’m not sure, but I think I might actually have a different issue?

  263. Leslie Says:

    Hi Alex, I think if you recover the way Paul talks about, it’s truly impossible for you to suffer again. You have way too much knowledge. You know all of anxiety’s tricks and you’re not able to be fooled by them anymore. Your mind may try and trick you into thinking you’re not getting better, you’re going to go through this again, you’ll never be the same person, etc. etc. etc. But once you truly realize that these are just thoughts and you don’t have to pay them any attention (even though your mind is telling you otherwise!), they won’t matter. Your mind can try and trick you all it wants…..you just won’t play anymore. Throughout my experience with anxiety, I have thought soooooo many times…..’I’m not getting any better’, ‘I’m going to be stuck like this forever’, ‘Everyone else is progressing but me’, and tons more really scary/uncomfortable thoughts. But I’m slowly learning that these are just thoughts and that if I continue not reacting long enough, they’ll go away. After I’m totally recovered, I’m sure I’ll have plenty of depressed and anxious feelings in my lifetime, I just won’t add that second fear to them…..i.e. ‘what are these feelings’, ‘I can’t cope anymore’…..and on and on. It’s our reaction that keeps this beast alive! Look at it like this, when you were a kid and you found out that Santa didn’t exist…..there was no going back from that….you had too much knowledge. You can’t be tricked into believing it anymore. I think it’s kind of the same with anxiety.

  264. Clare Says:

    Hi guys
    I posted a comment a few days ago and was just wondering if I could get some advice?
    I have a holiday booked un June to florida, im so excited to go but I know my anxiety will be with me then (I am getting on with accepting it now) and I dont want it to ruin the holiday (holidays is where my anxiety started and being abroad ir trapped in terminals when panicing is not a good move). Do you think I would be best to cancel the holiday and book a more low key one such as to majorca on more of a chill out rather than the massive florida holiday- im worried that with all the adrenaline from rides it will play havoc with me and there wont be much chance to destress. Its getting closer and I feel its the thing thats encouragign my anxiety, I have to start buying disney tickets soon and its sends me into a panic. Or would canceling it be giving in?
    I just really need some advice on this one please!
    Back to dealing with it on a day to day basis I am learnign to deal with the physical shaking and just ignoring it- hard and very strange but a serious move froward.

  265. Alex Says:

    Hey Leslie, I know what you’re saying, but the fact that this keeps coming back makes me think that I have something worse. My therapist and other doctors have suggested that I have recurrent depression that comes in episodes, but I suffer from “anxious depression.” I mean how do you know when to trust your doctor and therapist, and when to just go it alone? I don’t want to be waiting around when something could actually be helping me function better. I guess I just get nervous. I know it always passes, but I have no idea how or why. I’m already on medication too.

  266. christina Says:

    Hi Alex,

    I think many people on here or elsewhere have had recurrences of anxiety. As I shared when I first found this blog, I have had a number of rounds with this. And many have been on or currently are taking medication. It can be confusing. The bottom line is that it’s anxiety, which almost always (like 90% of the time) comes with depressed mood. As you already know, you do get better and can learn what your triggers are and disarm them for the future. Especially important, and something I’m definitely still learning, is losing the fear of fear and depressed feelings. It seems a rather tall order but something so many have done.

    If you want to e-mail me to talk more about it let me know and I’ll post my address.

  267. Teresa J Says:

    Clare – If I was you i would try and ignore the feelings – they may not be nice and they will probably taunt you a bit before you go but the holiday will take over and you will be fine. whether you go to Majorca or florida the same you is going – please don’t stop your holiday, you will be sending the wrong signal to yourself and then you will frett over the fact you were defeated by it. If you go, once you stop watching how u are you will be fine and you will enjoy yourself. Lots of us on here have been through this – I go through it everytime I go away, although I am improving, when i go I can be really good, so please don’t deny yourself the opportunity. as for the rides in the fair, don’t know what others would say but I certainly wouldn’t think that would have any affect on you. Just go, throw caution to the wind – and you will have a good time. good luck

  268. Alex Says:

    Christina, that would be amazing if we could talk. I am feeling very alone right now, especially because all of this has caused me to break up with my boyfriend who has been my life for the past 7 months. My email address is Calex0585@gmail.com. My name is actually Christina also. Alexandra is my middle name :-)

  269. Leslie Says:

    Alex, I completely understand your dilema about when to trust your doctor/therapist and when to go it alone. But I think you eventually just have to build up trust in yourself. You have to get to know your anxiety so well that you completely lose all fear of it. When you do that, it won’t matter if the thoughts/feelings come back every year. As soon as they do, you’ll know exaclty what’s happening and you’ll know to just ignore it and move on. They won’t stick around and torture you. What you resist persists. I can say, that through this experience, I have become quite skeptical of doctors in general. I used to be the person who would rush to the doctor for a sniffle. My attitude has completely changed. When this whole experience began for me, I ran to the doctor, scared to death, and started taking anti-depressants. They did nothing for me…..they actually made me worse. I started obsessing over side-effects and convincing myself I had them! After about 6 weeks, I decided medication wasn’t for me. And during all of that, I realized that my doctor didn’t have the slightest clue what was going on with me. I’ve learned to become more self-reliant and not over-react. When your mind starts trying to convince you that you must have something more than anxiety, ignore it! As wrong as it feels (believe me I know that feeling!), just do it. Let that thought come in, but treat it as any other thought. Move on. Its impact will gradually lessen. You’ll say…..who cares if I do have something other than anxiety! And you’ll get on with your day. 😉

  270. christina Says:

    Hi Candie,

    I have a couple more questions, if you don’t mind. During your recent setback did you worry at any point that it might be a drawn out recovery again? Did you fall into some of the same habits temporarily? I know you said your appetite was lessened, were there any other physical symptoms that were a pain? Also, during the several weeks, did you have some good days or not so bad ones?

    I really appreciate your help. :)

  271. christina Says:

    uh oh, I don’t see my new post. Well I was going to add another question for Candie. In the setback, did you feel your mind was kind of inflexible again and have some obsessive thinking? Thanks

  272. lindsey Says:

    Hi davidina i posted back to you yesterday but it dosent seem to off gone up sorry about that. Got to go out know so will post back later

    lindsey x

  273. lindsey Says:

    Clumsy me just seen it!!!!!!!!

  274. Candie Says:

    Hi Christina, yes thats what a set back means, to temporarily fall back into old habits and have symptoms worsen for a bit. My mind floods with thoughts during a setback, its bound to really as the more anxious you are the more thoughts you think. Thinking you might of strayed of the path of recovery is just another what if thought, as its not possible to lose what you have learnt ever really. A setback will learn you to accept the worst, then the anxiety wall comes crumbling down as you dont try to force normal thought or feeling so you function in flow. I can flow with most of the bad now, i can have a full blown panic attack and keep calm by reausuring myself not to try stop it. Once your willing to experience anxiety- if it be a thought or feeling.. then in time it will just go away as there is no radar in your mind on the look out for it.

  275. T Says:

    hey everyone I have one worry. So its finally getting warmer here where I live,spring is coming and weather is beautiful, but I am starting to get worried what will I do in the summer. When temperatures get so high, when its sooo hot you just want to crawl out of your skin. I am worried how it will affect my anxeity. I remember I always read when temperatures get really high that it can negatively affect people who have a heart problem and people who have mental problems. I mean,you know what is so hot, and your sweating and feeling like you are gonna explode and get more irritable and nerveous because its so hot. I am scared that it will make my anxiety and mood worse, because my mood and emotions are still cahnging a lot during the day so I am scared a bit how will I survive it without going mad. If anyone who suffered longer and during summer can tell me did and how extreme heat and temperatures affected them??? thanks.hugs

  276. Candie Says:

    T, your trying to over control again.. acceptance means allowing yourself to be worse at times.. your worrying your going to so your not fully accepting. As for summer making people worse with anxiety that is deffo not true, if anything your worst would be in the darker dull months of the year in general summer and the nice weather lifts everyones mood.

  277. scarlet Says:

    Hi T,

    “I remember I always read when temperatures get really high that it can negatively affect people who have a heart problem and people who have mental problems. I mean,you know what is so hot, and your sweating and feeling like you are gonna explode and get more irritable and nerveous because its so hot. I am scared that it will make my anxiety and mood worse, because my mood and emotions are still cahnging a lot during the day so I am scared a bit how will I survive it without going mad. If anyone who suffered longer and during summer can tell me did and how extreme heat and temperatures affected them??? thanks.hugs”

    No worries about the heat T, where I live it can get up to “50oC” in the heat of the summer, and we survive it, and no there’s no more mental issues than in colder climes…. Myself I am living with this heat and have not gone mad yet, I might shout at my husband a wee bit more mind you 😉

  278. Fiona Says:

    Oh the heat, the lovely heat!!!! Staying in Scotland i can only droole with longing at 50oC heat!! Love the good weather and if anything it improves peoples mood. Flying off to sunnier climes in the easter break YEAH!!!

  279. Davidina Says:

    Hi Lindsey – so good to hear from you – I have been struggling now for 10 months before I got Paul’s book. I am still grieving for my little sister. It’s a year today. My anxiety began two months later. Hit me like a High speed train. I don’t confuse the grieving with anxiety. I know it triggered it, but like Paul says ( It doesn’t matter how it started, it is the now and future that matters now. I have an anti-depressant and a mild tranquilizer which I am reducing gradually. I think your right about WOULD WE READ THE BOOK IF WE WERE NOT SUFFERING. Probably not. I know what you mean about struggling to concentrate but I am so happy for you for going back to work. It took guts to make that step so well done girl. I am facing most things head on now. Sometimes its good and sometimes its not but hanging on to the good times. I say to myself often – what are you frightened from – A FEELING – I try not to worry and go with the flow. Its hard at the beginning as I have had Paul’s book for only around 4 or 5 weeks now. As you say, to talk to people who understand anxiety is much better than therapy. I just know, in your own time, You are going to be enjoying that little boy of yours. I know you love him very much. Lovely to talk to you Lindsey – your like a breath of fresh air. XX

  280. trez Says:

    Hi Candie was wondering,when in a setback can u believe that ever thing is getting worse,i cant seem to explain the way that im feeling,its as if something is telling me that im different and that makes me feel really strange in myself,can you help me out with this please anyone that has felt like this.x

  281. lindsey Says:

    Hi Davidina

    I cried when I read your post you are so brave (and I struggle to cry, properly anyway!). I know you probably don’t feel like it but your strength is there willing you on to recovery and you will get there in time like me too. I hope you mananged ok today. Have you grieved? Your right about the cause of our anxiety I spent alot of time trying to figure out mine (I still don’t know!). I thought if I knew I could sort it out and protect myself in the future. I spent alot of time focusing on it and one day I thought what am going to do if I never know? Is it so important? NO and I started to focus on other things like getting better. I was so open to thoughts and things on the news I would hear that I stayed away from the internet. Eventually I went on to do with food as someone had told me about certain foods and I thought if I just look at food and nothing else and thats what lead me to pauls website I was so glad I had come across it. Good news about you reducing the med gradually well done. Do you feel like they help you? I am on beta blocks two a day and have been told I will have to start reducing them in a couple of months which scares me slightly so I try not to think about it. Some days I think I don’t need them then I will get a feeling and think no I do!! Funny like you said how we are scared of feelings had never quite looked at it like that before thanks for that will use that one next time. Kinda makes it seem silly laughable almost if you know what I mean? Have you tryed or come across the Dr Claire Weekes book, Paul does refer to it in the book? Well I got it from amazon and its good still making my way through it but it a good read for us HaHa!!! If you want any more info on that let me know and I will help you. Thanks for the acknowledgement about me going back to work means alot Ta. Glad to hear you to are facing things head on and going with the flow. I try to do this too but still wonder if I am going with the flow the correct way. As for my son the little monkey I am so much better with him and try to give him a smile and some of my time daily. Though I can still be agitated easily. Do you feel better for having read paul’s book? Was made up to see your post and thank you for sharing your situation with me, like I said earlier it shows how brave you are. Take care till next time

    Lindsey X

  282. Candie Says:

    Hi Trez, yes thats just a setback.. feeling worse then ever for a while, then after it slowly but surely you will feel better then ever as you have overcome something bigger then the usual daily anxiety so that seems a breeze!

  283. trez Says:

    Thanks Candie,i know ive been here before and got through it,its just that im trying to work out how i fell back into this trap,even though i feel strange in myself i still do the normal daily things,i just dont get why im questioning myself and everything 24/7.i know its habit but it is leaving me so frustrated,it will pass again,i think its because i want to feel good again.x

  284. lindsey Says:

    Goodnight all x

  285. T Says:

    scarlet,candie thank you for answering. I know I am doing what I shouldn’t,I will try not to think about it, take it one day at a time. I must say that, nice sunny weather makes people feel better in general, then If I dont feel good and day is nice I get mad at myself,you know. because when its cold and dark you have an excuse for feeling down and bad because the weather is depressing. But when its nice,I say to myself” you shouldn’t feel bad when the weather is so beautiful”. I think that is also part of the problem. It’s “expected” that you feel good because weather is nice. and then I get upset at myself because I am not feeling well when I am supposed to. I hope you understand what I mean? I just got back from my friend,she celebrated birthday, I was very nervous before I went ( feeling like before exam or job interview,butterflies in stomach) but I went and it was nice, for an hour, two i was feeling “normal” but at the end I started getting really sleepy and tired ( and that makes me feel uneasy for some reason) and thoughts came about death,reality etc.,but still I am glad I went and managed to get out of my head for a while and had a good laugh with friends. hugs to all

  286. T Says:

    and I must add, what is depressing to me is the fact that if I didn’t have this awful thing called anxiety, my life would be pretty good right now. But this casts a dark shadow over it, over everything I do. You just can’t enjoy and be happy 100 % because of this monster. But what anxiety taught me is to cherish and appreciate little things in life. Some say everything happens for a reason,maybe you will get something good out of this,new experience, well I would rather live without this experience. Also when I look back at everything that happened these 5 months,all the crying ,panic attacks, going to er, feeling lost,it just feels so unreal. I just can’t believe what my life has been like. I just feels so weird when I look back how I was 2,3 years ago and how I am now. I really want to look at this as a learning experience and take something positive out of all this,but I can’t… going to sleep. good night to all

  287. christina Says:

    T, I know just what you are saying. I have felt that so many times. But, believe it or not, this will be used for something good in your life. I believe God doesn’t waste anything in our lives. You are coming through and have much to be proud of!

  288. Sandeep Says:

    All the overanalyzing confused me. I have 2 questions that have me stuck:

    1. When I feel adrenaline coming on, I say ok and then quickly force my attention to the present. While this really helps most of the time to distract me and gets rid of the adrenaline rush quickly, I feel like its still an “avoidance” behaviour. Sometimes I’m just not able to get to the present and the attention keeps coming back to me. Can someone help describe specifically how they practice acceptance at the moment an adrenaline rush comes? I know one has to practice telling your mind that you dont need to fear the symptoms and Paul mentioned something about this not having to become a “do” but I do think it takes a lot of retraining in the beginning.

    2. The whole concept of not introducing more fear itself sometimes keeps me in the loop that oh no, what if I do introduce more fear? I’ll never get better. Its a strange loop and I’m almost doing it because I know I’m not supposed to. I tell myself so what but I still get bogged down by it.

    Any responses will be very helpful.

  289. Sandeep Says:

    There’s one additional thing that confuses me that I believe Patrick also echoed. When the feeling of anxiety arises, is it helpful to turn your attention outward? I often find I try but cant and the focus remains on the anxiety. I continue w/ my activity but sometimes can’t take the attention off myself. Paul and others say, “If you’re cooking, keep cooking and don’t focus on anxiety”. Yet Paul also says that if the focus wants to be on you, then let it. Feels like a bit of a paradox. Any clarification would be helpful,

  290. sasha Says:

    Hi Leslie,

    Nice post!! when i read your post even i felt I’m somewhere at your stage..I have read and acquired enough information about anxiety as a subject its just that practically when it comes its a little difficult to apply..
    Still I have moments of spaced out when I go out for a gathering or meeting someone or simplay when I am on my own ..But I have noticed something as days pass by my reactions to these gatherings or whatever isnt panicky as it used to be.

    I started accepting the fact that I will be like this for sometime..so its OK But what bothers me is that unlike others as u said who can enjoy those moments i am caught up in those situations where I am devoid of those emotions wherein I should hav enjoyed my time..and sometimes I dont get a proper picture when i reach there..guess it is because of slight DP..
    But again I have accepted and I dont avoid anything that I would otherwise do. But I wish there comes a time when I am not conscious of myself and there arent any apprehensions at all when i do something..

    Leslie, when u r involved in some work or talking to someone can u concentrate completely on the task or u get reverted bak to urself?
    I do get them but I dont pay any attention but still there is a time gap between ignoring my responses and when the other person talks i tend to miss out on that..never mind time will heal..on a day to day basis do u have a normal thinking pattern wherein random thoughts comes to ur mind and u r not consciously thinking of it?..

    I feel better by just thinking that I have come so far though my life would have been totally FINE if i havent gotten into this .Again I wish I could take something positive out of this..

    Hope to hear from u Leslie

  291. Fiona Says:

    Hi Lindsay, T, Davidina. Reading through your posts i can see you are all at similar place with your anxiety and that is at the start of your journey to recovery. You have read Pauls book, probably a few times over! I remember when i was first hit with anxiety and i found this website and the book i couldn’t believe it!! People experiencing the same as me, same thoughts, feelings and symptoms! I read the book, i highlighted parts, marked pages, i kept it near me 24/7. It is a relief to know that help is out there and people understand what you are going through, have experineced it and most importantly came through it!! Unfortunatley that doesn’t cure you but it brings comfort. Paul does so well to describe recovery because when you are/have recovered its hard to remember how bad you felt. How you dealt with it and how you came through. I will try and give you some tips that have me reach a point very close to recovery. Firstly, your symptoms will not just disappear over night you will not wake up recovered no matter how much you wish that. I think that is what i expected/wanted when i was bad but it just doesn’t happen that way. You will make slow and but steady progress which you may hardly notice at the beginning. Your obsession at the mooment is anxiety and that must change to allow you to forget about it, heal and move on. Obsessive thoughts are a major part of anxiety as your natural thought pattern has been become stuck as your are in a heightened state of panic and anxiety and are constantly looking for things to scare your anxious mind with. 2 excellent books that will help you deal with this are Will Beswicks book and Stop Thinking Start Living by Richard Carlson (recommended by myself and Scarlet). This takes time and patience to your thoughts into a relaxed flow again but its key to recovery. In addition to this is the physical symptoms probably the worse of which are DP and DR. These are thoughts to be caused by an excess of adrenaline interferring with uptake of dopamine in the brain ( i’m a scientist and have looked at some research in the area). Paul describes it as a tired mind and that is exactly what it is, when you relax, let your thoughts flow, stop worrying about everything your body will drop to normal levels of adrenaline and DP and DR will subside. Now taking all of this into accoutn you must remember that it is not straight road and things wont work all the time, but you can be assured that it will eventually fall into place and you will recover and me happy and confident as the cloud of anxiety lifts. You must give your self time and space to put into practise what you have learned before expecting progress.
    Hope this helps anyone,
    Have a lovely day,
    Fi xxx

  292. Jody Beauchamp Says:

    Hi everyone..just wanted to update and let everyone know that I have successfully moved and gotten unpacked and set up. The move has been a nightmare, but my anxiety had completley left, until last night. I was sitting there and all of a suddedn the physical symptoms of the racing heart and panic set in. Also, my doctor had put me on antidepressants In NC and during the move I lost them…I had been taking them a month and then abruptly stopped. I wanted off of them anyway but stopping like that I think was not good.
    Im tired again, and my mind is racing…all I want to do is REST!! A month solid of panic attacks every 2 minutes, a huge move across the U.S in one week…im exhausted :( Im taking it with me once again and paying it no attention…I hope one day to be rid of this forever though.

  293. lindsey Says:

    Hi Sasha and all

    Sasha I was just reading your post and I can relate to the concertration thing as I struggle with this and have to try really hard to have a conversation with people I even find myself going dizzy and light headed whilst trying to follow and always miss half the conversation. I also have this problem if tidying or I am at work I just find myself coming back to myself and then question why I am doing this and start all the whys again eg. why I am thinking like this etc etc. I have random thoughts too and just try to let them be an dnot read into them and carry on with what I am up too or carry on the converation I am in. Time I think is something we have to belive in and I used to try and rush away every single minute of every single day so that I could be there and I could be better but as we know it doesnt work like that and I am learning to be a little more patient and try to enjoy my days instead of wishing them away to recovery. Hope any of this has helped you if only a little

    Lindsey x

  294. lindsey Says:

    Hi Fi

    thanks for the tips and the book reccommendations will have to give them a go, it’s funny how my bedtime reading has gone from true stories and love stories to anxiety anxiety anxiety HaHA!!

    Lindsey x

  295. T Says:

    hey,me again.lol I need one advice. so when my anxiety first started in novemeber I went on a date,met a really good guy. We went out twice, then I my anxiety got really bad, depersonalization,panic,trips to er etc. didn’t want to go anywhere and just sleep, and been finding excuses not to go out with him on our next date because I was so bad. So I think he is really nice,a good guy and would like to keep going out with him and maybe have a relationship. But I am very scared also because of my anxiety. I think I am so “messed up” right now, it’s not the time to start a relationship. I should sort myself out and when I turn back to normal look for a man. But, then I know and realize that waiting for anxiety to go away to start living is not the right way. And I still don’t know him that much to tell him about my problem ( and I have a trust issue with people). So what should I do? should I stop everything with him and keep focusing on getting better or keep hanging out with him and see where this is going? It just when we have this,everything seems unimportant and we just want to get better. If someone has any advice,I would appreciate it.

  296. T Says:

    and thaks fiona for your advice,I appreciate it

  297. Fiona Says:

    T, i wouldn’t tell him. Its a personal thing that you deal with as an individual. Telling him will not help your recovery, it will become a feature of your relationship and make it harder to forget about anxiety and most importtantly he probably wont understand. Possibly show him this site if you feel you really want to tell him but my personal experinece is your better off not telling anyone who hasn’t experinced it, including docs etc as they just dont understand. When you recover you will realise why sharing the information is pointless. Just my opinion T it may not agree with others but i’m going form my experience.
    Fi xxx

  298. Fiona Says:

    Also, dont stop seeing the guy because of anxiety. Your life must go on as normal. Anxiety is just a side issue that will pass. You can have a happy and healthy relationship despite having anxiety. Never stop anything due to anxiety.

  299. lindsey Says:

    Hi T what would you do if you told himand he backed off would it bother you? just a thought!

    Lindsey X

  300. T Says:

    thank you for answering Fiona,you re a sweetheart. I think your are right and I shouldn’t tell him. But you know, I sometimes think he deserves a girl who isn’t so complicated, who doesn’t have so many issues and problems. I am scared that there willl be times when I will feel bad and not be 100% me or enjoy myself because of anxiety ,you know, and that wont be fair to him.
    Lindsey, yes I think it would bother me. But I think Fiona is right that it’s better not to tell him. I think I should keep seeing him and get to know him better. Maybe we will become good friends, maybe start a relationship, but I think I should take things slow and not worry to much ( although that’s hard to do.lol)

  301. Candie Says:

    T dont stop anything on the terms of anxiety, thats the worst thing you can do.. i have a partner and son and i fully enjoy having my family despite anxiety, things will improve in the background just get on with life x

  302. scarlet Says:


    I agree with Fiona, I would not say anything either… it’ll just turn the focus to anxiety and no amount of explaining will make him understand what you are going through. Could jeopardise the relationship as well…

    Continue living your life alongside your anxiety for now. if you want to know what you should do about a life situation eg. new job or a relationship, think what you would do if you didn’t have anxiety. If you would pursue this relationship or change your job, or go on holiday ‘if’ you didn’t have anxiety, then go ahead and do it with anxiety… this should be the yardstick to go by. Don’t avoid anything required for normal living.

  303. lindsey Says:

    Hi all

    Scarlet your last post is so right I am going to use that next time i come across something I don’t know what to do about.

    T good luck!

    Lindsey x

  304. Davidina Says:

    Hi Lindsey – Good to hear from you again. About the meds. My G.P. has never pressured me to cut down. He said he would never do that but I could try myself when I felt better. I don’t need night Meds. I sleep well, which is a blessing. I have read Claire Weekes ” Self help for your nerves” before I came across Paul’s sitr. I feel Paul explains things better, about being a process, how you can have bad days and not to let this discourage you not to get despondent. I know what you mean by going with the flow the correct way. I sometimes wonder that to. I mark pages in Paul’s book and refer to them often when my confidence goes. I don,t feel brave at all Lindsey but I suppose everyone on the site must be brave to endure and slowly recover from this horrible condition, for how long it takes. On a brighter note I am going up North (as we say in Scotland) tomorrow morning, to spend 5 days with my son. I am a little bit nervous but what’s the difference between anxiety here and anxiety there. Before I read Paul’s book, I would never have gone. Going to pack my holdall now. By the time you pack the hair gear, body gear, toiletries, etc., your bag is full. Lovely to hear from you Lindsay. Now you take care. XX

  305. Davidina Says:

    Hi Fiona – great post – I have just read it and it is so inspiring. I’m going to type it out and add it to Paul’s book. It gives great confidence. I will get these books also, that you have recommended. XX

  306. lindsey Says:

    Hi Davidina

    Your right about pauls book I find it more helpful and easier to read and also have pages i like to refer to taht help me through bad times. Don’t like to repeat myself but you are so right again about anxiety being with us not the place we are in. I normally go away in the uk once a year but have not felt brave enough yet to book one I dont know why when I got through one at the very beginning of this. Also I have been asked to be a godmother for a niece and nephew in may up in hull thats a good 2 and half hours away for me and that seems enough for me to deal with right now as I am dreading the journey more than anything. You will have to let me know how your trip goes and any tips!!! Have a really good time and I am up north (as you say in Scotland!) so will be thinking of you. Hope you manage to fit everything in your holdall and have a safe journey. Lovely to hear from you.

    Lindsey X

  307. Fiona Says:

    T you seem complicated to yourself, but no one else has a clue! You probably haven’t changed really. Even when my anxiety was at its worst my close friends and partner had no idea. I thought it stuck out like a sore thumb but i actually hadn’t changed a bit. Maybe a bit more on edge, or not sleep quite as well but no major changes. I just explained it to people eg my partner as panic attacks. Most people understand these. I didn’t explain the ins and out of anxiety…. there was no point.
    Dont stress, dont worry. It is the most useless emotion!
    Fi xxx

  308. lindsey Says:

    Hi Fiona

    Remind me again what dr and dp stand for is it depression and depersilasation? Also how do you know you are close to recovery and not just waiting for another set back?


  309. ross Says:

    hey every1 ,
    not posted in a while , recovery is goin well had a few setbacks but generally feelin a lot better . having trouble keepin my attention away from myself ..any tips on that? plus im finding it hard to decide if i should be resting cos i have a tired mind ?? or keep myself busy .

    my sleepin pattern is all over place cos i do shift work ..will this have an effect? i think i know what causes waves of panic , its the thought of death snd dying. i dont think like this when i feel good so that sometimes makes me think i have depression .

    This is my 2nd stint of anxiety and now i’m gettin the point you just have to accept it ‘let it be’. in my first stint i had extreme dizziness and kept freaking out that i would pass out . I’ve been getting that a lot lately extremely bad one day at work i had to walk near benches and tables jsut so i could grab onto them incase i felt i was gonna pass out .

    Since my 2nd stint began back in October i have rarely had a chance to have a few days off work to rest . would a week off work do me good?

    I havent had 1 good sleep since it all, i keep thinking i’m going to have an amazing sleep and wake up feeling amazing because this was all a bad dream.

    Thanks for listening .

    Hope everyone gets better soon :)

  310. T Says:

    thank you scarlet,candie,fiona,lindsey, all of you are wonderful. I am wondering is Paul going to post a new post? he does a new post every month and it’s already the end of march and no new post. just curious. hugs to everybody

  311. christina Says:

    Hi all,

    I wanted to re-post something Nicole wrote a while back. Hopefully it will be an encouragement, I know I can use it.

    “I have been reading a wonderful book called “Learning to let Go” and in it, it describes anxiety as an unintelligent mechanism that gradually ceases to exist when you start to understand it for what it is. What Candie has said is completely true-it is not the anxious feelings that are the problem, but our interpretation of them. When we can step aside from our body as this works its way through and if we can observe the mind without attaching negative emotions to every thought and feeling then we stop adding stress to our lives and our bodies find their natural balance.
    I have been feeling great and I believe it is because I decided to stop doubting in my ability to heal and to stop listening to the negative chatter in my head and to start living my days with a new attitude. I am challenged on a regular basis, but I have realized that in the past I would automatically choose the path of introspection instead of seeing each anxiety blip as an opportunity to practice understanding. There is no beast, there is no deep pit that I will fall into”.

    This last part is a total gem.

    “I created my own mental mousetraps, loaded them up with fear and then let them snare me. Through education, application and faith have I made it to this point. Have the guts to not fight and see what happens. It truly works. It can take awhile, like my case, but with perseverance you will see rewards”.

  312. sasha Says:

    Hi Christina..

    Good Post..Hey I would like to know who is the author of ‘ Learning to let go”
    Is it about just anxiety or something in general about letting go off our negative approach towards life?


  313. sasha Says:

    Hi Lindsey,
    I could very well relate to you as I am at the exact stage where you are.. :) Neither do i avoid anything but deep down I feel a little sad for not being able to appreciate the things i do as I’m not able to feel them as they were supposed to be…But nevermind…

    As Scarlet said without avoiding anything n just moving on with life will give the confidence that there is nothing that we should avoid to live our life..and the ‘feelings ” will come along…SLOWLY

    Hoping for the best day to come…I keep calling friends just to have a chat not that I really wanted to have a chat with them..it has become a ritual kind of :) but i think slowly it will become a habit and i will call them for the good feeling factor we get from indulging in a conversation…

    Take care N catch u later…

  314. trez Says:

    Hi everyone,can anyone help me understand were im at the moment,im feeling pretty low at the moment,im in a setback i feel so strange that im asking myself am i really here,i dont like it as i have 2 young children and it is scaring me,is this an off shoot of anxiety.i feel as if im going to go crazy,sorry for sounding so negative but im struggling at the moment,i wasnt going to post incase people dont understand me.I

  315. trez Says:

    Hi everyone feeling really low at the moment,can anyone relate to were im comin from,is this an offshoot of anxiety,i feel so strange im keep asking myself am i really here,am i really me i know ive had a few setbacks and came through,but these thoughts and feelings are scaring me,i have 2 young children that im not able to enjoy because of the way im feeling,i feel if i keep thinkin and feeling like this im going to go crazy,does anyone understand were im at,please an help will b grateful thanks.xx

  316. trez Says:

    Hi everyone,can anyone help me understand were im at the moment,im feeling pretty low at the moment,im in a setback i feel so strange that im asking myself am i really here,i dont like it as i have 2 young children and it is scaring me,is this an off shoot of anxiety.i feel as if im going to go crazy,sorry for sounding so negative but im struggling at the moment,i wasnt going to post incase people dont understand me. i would b e grateful of any help.thanks trez.x

  317. trez Says:

    sorry computor is goin a bit mad at posting.sorry wuz just postin 1 off the above

  318. Clare Says:

    Teresa J- thank you so much for replying to me! I understand what you mean and this is my first holiday since finding this site and Pauls book so now I feel I can deal with my symptoms I just ignore them. If I have been quite panicy when im out there and it leaves me with a churning stomach and I dont want to eat then I know its ok and the feelings will pass, once they do eveything is fine again! Thank you again xx
    Sandeep- I totally undersatnd what you mean, I wonder if im using avoiding behaviour, for example when a feelign or strange thought comes I think ‘no do want you want, Im not bother by you’ and it tends to go away- have I avoided it or accepted it?? My guess is that because im quite new to this it will take me a while for my mind to just accept it rather than me having to remind myself of my quote!

  319. lindsey Says:

    Hi Sasha

    I agree we shouldnt avoid anything and we should just move forwards with our lives. Saying this sounds so easy but it can be really tough at times. I also dont fully enjoy the good times anxiety can lurk about. Its onlt normally afterwards that i realize i could of enjoyed myself more once the event has pasted. But nevermind it will come in time. I never feel totally free from it do you? I am 6 months in. I sometimes wonder if we get real emotions mixed up with anxiety emotions if you know what i mean. Like i might feel abit down on day is that due to my anxiety, a setback coming or am i just having a normal bad day? I think when you have anxiety it takes over so much that we relate everything to it and as human beings we are always going to have bad days or maybe feel a little light headed due to a high temp we dont know we have coming on but we know relate these symptoms as anxiety and not just everyday behaviour/symptoms. Been at work this morning it wasnt so bad i only do a couple of mornings a week to get me back in to the swing of things, i am on a coming back to work plan and i should be proud i have made the step back in but i sometimes i feel so weird that i wish i wasnt there but i am hoping this will die away the more i get back into it. Do you work? till next time

    Lindsey X

  320. T Says:

    “I sometimes wonder if we get real emotions mixed up with anxiety emotions if you know what i mean. Like i might feel abit down on day is that due to my anxiety, a setback coming or am i just having a normal bad day?”
    Lindsey that is exactly what I wonder. Am I having a “normal” bad day or is it anxiety related? Its extremly annoying. I woke up today sick,my nose is full and have a headache and anxiety is high and I am home alone. I am questioning my feelings,emotions and health. And before i wouldn’t think twice, i would get vitamin C, tea and let it pass. But being sick with anxiety is not a good match.lol

  321. ross Says:

    hey trez,
    I’ve had the exact same feeling!!! i also feel like i shouldn’t be in my body sounds stupid i know .so don’t worry it passes just like everything with anxiety . just try and see it as anxiety and not get caught up in it and worry about it .

    Only about a month ago i felt really bad so keep the faith , let your mind heal , the human body can recover from so much and it definitely can recover from anxiety which in grand scheme of things not dangerous in any way it just has scary symptoms.

    If u learn to accept ur thoughts and feelings and just let everything be ,and no you wont lose control doing this, then you will see an improvement , the more you improve the more you realise anxiety has no grip on you .

    Hope this helps

  322. trez Says:

    Thanks so much for your help Ross,its good to here that you do come through these rough patches.i think my problem is that i cant seem to accept these feelings when ther happening,ive got my self in such a tissy this last few weeks that its with me 24/7,i know it will pass,its just everything seems alot worse when im in a setback.I am not going to fight it anymore tomorrow is another day.

  323. Wayne Says:


    I hope all is well. I got my results back from my EKG, Echocardiogram and fasting blood test. All is good! So, I am relieved of course. Now I can continue to get better as it relates to anxiety. Still feeling like I am in a fantasy world or feeling strange.

  324. trez Says:

    Wayne dont get to stressed out about it,im also feeling strange,its anxiety playing tricks on us,it will pass.

  325. yolande Says:

    Hi Lindsay,

    Just read your posts and i feel like you are describing me! Esp the part abt being irritated by ppl typing – for me, loud chatter irritates me no end. i read in Claire Weeks book that this is normal becos adrenalin has sensitised our nerves so loud noises sound twice as loud. it was so hard to be at work in the first 2 months of my illness cos my colleagues chatter loudly – almost drove me mad. even now a few months down the road, and feeling better, i sometimes feel irritated too. so dont worry, it”s normal.

    your post re “I sometimes wonder if we get real emotions mixed up with anxiety emotions if you know what i mean. Like i might feel abit down on day is that due to my anxiety, a setback coming or am i just having a normal bad day?”

    Unbelievable. at least now i know i am not alone in thinking thus. sometimes i feel that knowing too much abt anxiety is counter-effective. cos we then become so aware of anxiety and its symptoms we relate eveyrthing little thing to it. it’s normal to feel down, aching, listless some days for normal ppl so maybe wha twe are feeling now is normal too it’s just that we are so hyper sensitive, we try to analyse them. i have since come to realise that it’s best to just let whatever shite feelings be when they come our way, and just go on. not easy, but doable.

    it sucks. but it beats worrying over every little sytmptom and wondering if we are getting worse etc etc.

    but thanks for sharing cos now i dont feel like i am the only one who feels thus.


  326. ross Says:

    anytime trez :) always helps knowing someone is in some boat

  327. ross Says:

    another thing trez, when u get these feelings nothing bad ever happens from them do they? so if u just let anxiety do its thing it passes and the next time you get the feelings you’ll know you’ll get through it . u eventually build up a confidence about it , its also important to put all weird sensations or new feelings u get down to anxiety.

    I never knew a tired mind could cause so many weird sensations eh,but thats all it is :)

  328. lindsey Says:

    Hi Yolande

    I am equally so glad you can relate beacuse it then helps me to know also that i am not alone in these thoughts adn mixed up emotions. I am four wweeks in to my return to work and starting to find it easier but still exspeienceing strande feelings/thoughts but just try me best to let them be and get through my morning. have you read Paul’s new post? i have posted on there do you or didi you suffer with mornings? till next time


  329. lindsey Says:

    Sorry for all the typing errors above was in a rush Ta !!!

  330. MLK Says:

    Hi Everyone, I am going through a bit of a rough patch I think. I have been feeling kind of down lately, and I know that this is anxiety, but it still pretty much sucks. I just got back from Spring Break with my family, had a good time skiing with them all but i still feel like just gross. I hate feeling like this because it sends my mind to think irrationaly. the obsessive fear that I have is “What if I dont get better?” “Will I end up killing myself?” Then I start to think “Does that mean I want to kill myself?!!” Then I seriously end up obsessing about this one thought. I do not want to die! So it is so frustrating to think these thoughts that I hate so much. I had been feeling a lot better than I was feeling 6 months ago, because I know that this is all just anxiety. Does anyone know what I mean when I say that I feel down all the time? Or does anyone know what I mean about the thougts I have been having? I know that I have to allow them to be there, but I feel like the more I think about it, the higher the chances of me actually doing it…anyone see the anxiety cycle? haha its so obvious! Anxiety is no fun! That is a fact. If anyone has any sort of advice, that would be awesome! OR if anyone has been through what I am trying to explain, what did you do to calm your mind? Thanks guys!

  331. trez Says:

    Thanks again Ross,you seem to have great understanding about it all,i no nothing bad has ever happened,,i know its because that i fear these sensations and feelings that its keeping it all going,at least i know that the physcial sensations subside after a while,its just that i cant seem to deal with the thoughts that it is something else,i am going to just let it all happen and try not fight it anymore.THANK U ROSS.

  332. T Says:

    MLK, just want to say to you that I have the EXACT SAME of killing myself and depression. I am scared one day I will get sick of living and struggling and will want to end my life cause I will see that as the only solution like the people who have severe depression. I am terrified of it. Isnt that weird, we have anxiety and panic because we are scared of death and on the other hand we are scared of possible suicide. I have the same thoughts. I mean 100% the same. And I know many people with anxiety have this fear too,we are not alone.I repeat to myself I dont want to end my life, I could never do that to my parents etc, but its horrible. My psychiatrist said that is this is also the fear of losing control, but for me its more fear of slowly sliding in depression and then see suicide as the only solution.. You know what happens to me often, when I have these thoughts I would usually have a mini panick attack, fear that I am going to faint or die and that makes me realize that if i am so scared of dying, obviously I don’t want to kill myself. It’s best to not pay attention to it,it just another stupid thought. easier said than done I know but it is possible

  333. Wayne Says:

    I have been dealing with anxiety now since Dec and I just wanted to say because of this website I can now finally see how far I have come and where I have to go. I took my two little ones too a hockey game back in Jan and I was feeling strange and wanted to leave the game but because of the little ones I did not. I took them again last weekend and did not have the same feelings and really enjoyed myself.

    Also, two weeks ago my wife said to me you are getting back to your old self. At the time she said this I was feeling strange again but since I was letting it happen I did not look uneasy as I would have months ago. I am no longer on the meds to help me sleep and I am sleeping well. I received all my test results back blood, ekg, echocardiogram and all is good there. I am eating better and my running and exercise are increasing.

    Another observation I made is my last EKG and echocardiogram I had the worst palpitations and feelings of being strange during the test and all came back ok. Proved to myself and what Diana and the rest have been saying and that my mind is just tired and this is a process and will take time. Thanks…..

  334. christina Says:

    That’s awesome Wayne! It is a process, and all things will come together with some time and acceptance. I’m glad you are experiencing victories.

  335. scarlet Says:

    Hi MLK

    “What if I dont get better?” “Will I end up killing myself?” Then I start to think “Does that mean I want to kill myself?!!” Then I seriously end up obsessing about this one thought. I do not want to die!

    I know exactly what you mean. This is a common thought, I had it for ages as well. I kept telling myself at the time that by having these thoughts perhaps there was an element of truth, and I might do something in an irrational moment, even though I was petrified at the time (scared to live, scared to die). You don’t want to die, you want to live a life free of anxiety that’s all. You have to treat this thought the same as the others, i.e do not attach a fearful emotion when this thought enters your head, brush it off as rubbish ‘yeah as if’ and carry on with your day. Next week it will be another obsessive thought, this is the way it goes as you slowly desensitise yourself and react with negative emotions to irrational thoughts..

  336. scarlet Says:

    oops meant to say’NOT’ react with negative emotions to irrational thoughts :-)

  337. MLK Says:

    Thank you for your reply, Scarlett. You really helped me! I am really going to not react to this thought from now on. Thanks for the advice :)

  338. T Says:

    scarlet, “You don’t want to die, you want to live a life free of anxiety that’s all.” this is so true. but even before anxiety I had a lot of problems in my life and issues and those problems got me in this anxious state. so now I am worried that, yes, anxiety won’t make me kill myself, but what if those real problems make me do it one day. Now I am worried about that, but I guess that is also an obsessive anxious thought. I never wanted to kill myself even though I had problems, always had a will to live and make my life better. aghh i guess anxiety is again trying to trick me, and drag me down. suicide for me is so scary, its so frightening that someone can be in that state of mind to take their own life. I always read that people have good or great life only anxiety is bothering them, but my life wasn’t great even before this and that makes me worry that I am more prone to killing myself.

  339. Wayne Says:

    Really bad palpitations all day today and also feel like my throat is closing. Really bad feelings of being strange when I go out the last few days. Not sure why, I have been doing so well.

  340. Will Beswick Says:

    Hi all! Just took a read of comments and will just let you know that I have recently been helping someone with these typical symptoms and feeling that ‘maybe’ they should end it all and then feeling that they are naturally ‘scared’ of this thought/constant fear.
    However, they are now moving on from this as confidence does, indeed, imporve when you realise a) that we are ‘prone’ to these heightened senses, due to our ‘intense’ make-up and b) that we just need to develop the ‘skill’ of ‘not’ moving into a secondary phase of anxiety with these thoughts and c) we ‘do’ this by acyually ‘not doing’ – i.e. not doing is taking our foot ‘off’ the mental pedal when we get these panicky thoughts
    d) I keep saying to those who want to hear that there ARE 2 speaparate processes going on all the time…one we CAN change and the other we CANNOT
    e) the one process we cannot change is what ‘comes in’ to our heads – this is a constant rolling process of neagtives and positives – our problem is we ‘react’ to these thoughts, especially when negative as outlined above.
    f) the ‘reaction’ AFTER phase we CAN change – i.e. each and every time we have bad thoughts and yes, it maybe every second at first – we just have to calm/deflate the mind – this is ‘not doing the overdoing temptation’ – we will then restore our flow and move on in our thinking. Yes this maybe back’ to a negative thought – but if we can persevere with this, we will start to learn that we can live life without anxiety.
    Please feel free to comment! cheers Will

  341. lindsey Says:

    Hi will

    have you too suffered with anxiety?

    lindsey x

  342. Davidina Says:

    Fiona – what is the name of Will’s book. Every bit of information would be helpful. X

  343. Jody Beauchamp Says:

    Hi everyone. I wanted to let you all know that my move was success and I am all moved in. I am also glad to report that my anxiety has not returned! I hope everyone is doing as well :) Sorry so short..got a baby to get to bed..nite all!

  344. Will Beswick Says:

    Hi Lindsey – yes I had it for about 25 years! Understanding is what got me to the point that I am anxiousnomore… – the answer is ‘really’ simple – this will be my last post on this blog now as I have a lot of questions on my site to attend to.

    Look at it this way – basically, due to our character make-up – we run a very ‘fine’ line between being productive and destructive. I wont go into too much detail here, but I know this includes ‘so’ many people when you see all those destrucitive addictions that ‘stem’ from anxiety.

    It is our ‘intensity’ that causes anxiety – as when things get messy/stressful/pressured or worrying etc – we ‘easily’ BOIL OVER into a ‘secondary’ rising in our intensity.

    What I found was that ‘to flow’, we have to be calm – and then we simply ‘glide smoothly’ through all the thoughts/feelings we have – these include good thoughts and bad thoughts/feelings, like being stressed. However, because of our ‘tenndency’ to ‘react’ to our good and bad flow (to hold on too much to the good (control) and to really hate the bad) – we ‘jump out’ of our flow via this intensing process.

    By calming/deflating our mind (sorry, no internal speaking here like ”calm down, calm down” – as that just intenses our minds further re still overdoing) – we rsume our calm flow and ‘no matter’ how many times – even every second – that we are tempted to tense up/panic, we just need top persevere with this calming – as time goes by, clarity and a calmer persona WILL prevail.

    These days, I am ‘so’ much calmer as a person and ‘disciplined’ re not getting too intense as I know where it will take me. However, the problem with us all, is that we ‘don’t’ persevere with calming as we ‘feel’ we should panic/keep doing/intensing – even though this is inadvertent.

    I really take my time with as much as I can to stay on a calmer level – and if things get stressful and I feel a little panicky –

  345. Will Beswick Says:

    I DONT tense up and abandon everything! – I just persevere with ‘calming to flow’ – this is the ONLY thing we can consciously change – we have intensed up unnecessarily (our panic) – to a conscious point/crossroads here – and just need, therefore, to consciously bring ourselves ‘back down’ by deflating our inflating mind.

    If we were in our calm flow anyway – I call this our ‘natural subconscious momentary state’, then we wouldn’t have to ‘change’ anything, as this is our optimum/self-confident ‘unknowing’ state. cheers Will

  346. Dukey Says:

    I suffered from a Panic Attack, 8 weeks ago, at first i thought my life had come to a raging stop, i became so scared of having another one i would avoid doing the simple tasks like going into Uni, or going food shopping all incase i got these horrible feelings and everyone would see.

    I became a shell for atleast a month or so, my Uni work was suffering, i could hardly make it into Uni, i became scared of sitting in lectures incase a Panic Attack happened. I went to the doctors and they put me on Beta Blockers, i was to take these 3 times a day but i was’nt too happy about taking them. So before any stressful or anxious situation i would take them, and they would work, they would subside my physical symptoms but i would still have the anxious thoughts from time to time, everyday was spent wondering why i felt like i did, i thought i was going mad, i had racing thoughts of suicide because i could’nt cope with feeling like this and failing Uni at the same time, i didn’t want to let anyone down, this just made me feel worse.

    Then i stumbled onto your page, i read through the whole website, even the blog posts, and it had felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, these blogs and your understanding of the subject really hit home with me, everything that you’ve covered i related to and now understand why i feel like i do sometimes. Ofcourse i have my up and down days, but instead of dwelling on them i simply stop and think “ok its natural to feel like this, your only human, ofcourse your going to have not so good days” i let them in and i just accept them, sometimes its not easy and i do get a flash of that horrible feeling i constantly had but this is happening less and less now.

    I am recovering slowly and hopefully this will be a thing of the past when i hopefully Graduate, i just want to thankyou so much you have given me hope! I have even stopped taking the Beta Blockers most days when i THOUGHT i needed them, i still have them in my bag as a comfort, but I CAN get myself through situations i find difficult.

    Lets just hope i can keep this up, as i only have 2 months left of Uni!!

  347. lindsey Says:

    Hi Will

    thanks for getting back to me. lots of what you say makes sense to me so i will take it with me thanks again take care

    Lindsey x

  348. Damian Says:

    Hi All

    I’ve had a really bad time with Anxiety recently. It got to the stage where I felt I was going to have to go to hospital. I just couldn’t control my mind. I didn’t understand what was happening and it was very scary. I ended up going to the doctors. I got very lucky in being pointed towards an online CBT (Cognitive based therapy) course. My doctor then told me one of the most important things I’ve learned. We have ups and downs on the way to recovery, progress isn’t in a straight line. The advice on this site not to get hung up about bad days is so helpful.

    Today was a great example. Being late is “My thing”. I cant stand it. My schedule was going to bits this morning and it was doing my head in. My anxiety was taking over. I just decided to go with it. I told my wife what was happening. She was getting agitated because I was being a Jerk because of my worry. I decided to go with it. I’d been pretty good recently and a bad day wouldn’t be the end of the world. Had a think about my anxiety and if it was really warranted. As usual it wasn’t. That was one of the CBT tools I’ve learnt. Because I was just going with it, the worry eased and I ended up having a great day. I think the beauty of this is you dont compound a problem. Just going along for the ride stops the snow ball effect with my thoughts. I wish I knew this stuff years ago.

    If you fell better now than you have in the past then thats a great thing. Don’t minimise how good that is. I’m still not feeling like “Me” but I’m getting there. Keep going it will be worth it.


  349. Paul Says:

    I want to thank all of you for the insightful post, I feel better already after reading a lot of your post, thanks Paul! I wish I could package this feeling of “normal” and take it everywhere with me, I’m definitely gonna try to rest my mind and understand that everything around me is the same, nothing to worry about, if I make a fool of myself so be it, I’m just gonna try to deal with the fear and hopefully things will get better. By the way, anxiety just came over me recently and has made itself comfortable, I’m actually out on medical leave because of the problem and now on Prozac, but with what I’ve read, I’m ready to do battle and kick the shit out of anxiety, I want my life back…

  350. Ele Says:

    Thanks for making the website and this blog… It’s really helped me out so much, and I’d never be where I am right now without them. I guess I’m still on the road of recovery. A few setbacks here and there. A bit if disappointment. But overall, I’ve moved forwards by a lot already. My only issue I that I find it hard letting my obsessive thoughts go… They feel so real and logical, that letting them go seems to be the stupid thing to do and that I’d be throwing myself in big trouble. But! I’m working on it I guess. I really want to see fast progress (which isn’t likely) because I’m in high school and I have exams in two months… I think I can do it though. Definitely! I know my condition isn’t much compared to what many people have been through, but we can all relate to each other somewhat.

  351. Jane Says:

    Hello everyone!
    I am so incredibly thankful that I stumbled across this website… Thank God I found a network of so many people that are just like me! I have a very deep and slightly depressing story, and I figured I could just tell it to you all. I was probably 5 years old when I first started exhibiting signs of anxiety, I had all kinds of ways of expressing it. I felt intensely uncomfortable being without my mom, I couldn’t let go of my cell phone, or it had to be on my person in a pocket or something, I hated being alone and I hated silence. That was a while ago, I am now 15 (I hope it doesn’t bother you all that I would like to be part of this conversation with you even though I’m young!) But to continue on with the story, when I was 9, my parents got divorced. That was pretty traumatic to me and completely unexpected. Then, within a few months of that and my mom and I moving away, my grandmother passed away of natural causes. That was very stressful for me, because I was a very sheltered child and I wasn’t really introduced to death or divorce or really anything bad until this year. It was like a sandwich kind of. I was born with a slice of bread, and all of this stuff kept happening and piling on, so now, at age 11, I had already need through a lot of crap. My anxiety was mainly intrusive/obsessive thoughts for a while. I was afraid of some things that seemed abnormal to me, I was afraid that I might turn into a lesbian. I was afraid that I might commit suicide. I was afraid that I would go crazy and hurt people. I was afraid that I was going to throw up. I was afraid that I would get abducted. As an 11 year old, this is pretty heavy stuff. But I would say that the underlying fear is: being out of control of myself. I wouldn’t have control of my own thoughts or actions.

    I was put on Zoloft at age 12. It helped me for a while, until my dad committed suicide. My world was completely shaken. I didn’t have the greatest relationship with him to begin with, but I had enough of a bond with him to be severely traumatized by this. I started doing rituals almost, like kissing a little angel pin that I had above the staircase. I felt like if I didn’t kiss it, something bad would happen. For a while, that’s all it was. I switched from Zoloft to Celexa, because it was recommended by Dr. Laura (maybe some of you have heard her radio show.) the Celexa did help for a while as well. I honestly didn’t have terrible anxiety when my dad died, more like anger, frustration, and sadness. I think I handled it very well compared to some other stories I’ve heard about people with loss. I went through probably just the start if the grief cycle. I definitely didn’t deal with it all. It was just odd that my dad died the way that I was afraid of. For a while I was doing alright, until about early October. One of my closest friends called me in distress, he told me that he was feeling suicidal at the moment. So I called 911 and told them everything I knew, and they found him and were able to get him to the ER and have his stomach pumped of the pills he took. It was extremely selfish of him to confide in me, or to put that kind of pressure on me. I love being the person who is always there for everyone and anyone who needs something. But something like that? It totally set me off. All of my anxieties that I had before and all of my fears that were never dealt with were just brought to the surface.

    So like many of you, I have intense intrusive thoughts. My main fear right now is that I’m going to lose control and commit suicide like my dad. Since I’ve been surrounded by suicide for a while now, people say that it’s pretty expected that it would be on my mind a lot. But it scares me. I feel abnormal and disconnected because of it. I know deep down that I am not suicidal, and that I want to be on this earth. But my thoughts and anxieties are almost becoming a part of me, and that’s where I need my help. I also went to see a psychiatrist who told us that the dosage of Celexa I’ve been on is what a 40 pound child takes. Ridiculous, right? It hasn’t been helping me at all! But in a way, that made me feel strong. Like I’ve been doing it without any help.

    Anyways, I have a very supportive group of people in my life, school councilors, my mom and step dad, my church, and friends. I am very blessed. But I need more people like you guys who understand first hand what I’m going through. Maybe share some tips that help you, or some encouraging thoughts?

    You are all beautiful and important people. There isn’t anything wrong with us. We are more sensitive to the earth and to other people. We were born to help people, but we need to focus on US first!

    “If you’re going through hell, keep going.” Lots of love to you all. And thank you for creating this!

  352. louise Says:

    Im so confused. I keep reading blogs like yours saying to just live with the feelings, to stop worrying but then i have been referred to CBT, which I suppose does the opposite. It challenges the thoughts. So which is the right way forward? to live with the thoughts and accept them or challenge them so they are no longer true. my anxiety kicked in just over a month ago, seemingly out of nowhere but now ive delved i can sort of see why it happened. i know that know matter how terrible i feel, there is light at the end of the tunnel. i had depression 7 years ago, had cbt and after 6 months was 100 x better. I havent had depression since, well until now but thats anxiety and it is different, although i know there are components of depression. ive read so much info the past month but its very conflicting. i just wish someone could give me a clear map to freedom x

  353. Vicky Says:


    I am so so sick and tired of feeling like this. My anxiety and panic has been on and off for a week now and it won’t pass. I cry for no reason. Feel like I am going to stop breathing if I stop thinking about it, can’t concentrate, exhausted, weak and faint. I am so scared all the time. I have been prescribed propranolol but I don’t want to take it as I am worried I will be on it forever. Please help me. I am so lost it hurts. I’ve had anxiety since a small child. Day to day living is becoming impossible.

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