I recently received the following question below from someone who felt detached from their surroundings when communicating with others. As this is something I also went through, I thought I would address this issue.
‘A lot of the time when I am in a social situation my mind goes blank, I feel disconnected from reality and the conversation itself. This either leads me to say barely anything at all or I end up just rambling as I try to cover up my discomfort. This is having such a negative impact on my life, I just want to know why this is happening and what can I do to overcome it?’
This issue really comes down to a fear of social interaction which brings on a temporary feeling of depersonalisation. Chronic depersonalisation is mainly created due to the brain feeling under constant threat through a barrage of fear and worry whereas this is only present when interacting with others and so is more temporary than persistent.
People who experience this state often complain of the following
- Feeling spaced out, in a dream-like state
- Unable to think of anything to say, mind going blank
- Extremely self-conscious
- Feeling fearful and anxious
- Inability to think straight or clearly
- A need to get the conversation over with
This feeling of dissociating from reality when in conversation is far more common with someone who suffers from social anxiety rather than general anxiety. This is due to it mainly being driven by low self-esteem, leading to a fear of being judged or rejected.
Because of this, the person can find themselves living more in their head rather than participating in the conversation, be it worrying about how they are coming across, what kind of impression they are leaving, or if the feeling of anxiety or strangeness will present itself.
It is very hard to feel part of a conversation when all our attention is on ourselves
As your awareness can only focus on one thing at a time and is now mostly directed internally, you end up barely listening to what the other person is saying. This then causes you to feel detached from the interaction, creating more fear and anxiety, and so you internalise more.
Due to the fact that the person now has multiple thoughts and fears going on at once, the brain then feels under threat and so it goes into protection mode. This is why you begin to feel detached from your surroundings, as though you are no longer part of reality. Think of it as a computer going slow because it has too many windows open, or freezing up completely as it can’t handle the overload of information.
Unfortunately, this can become a vicious cycle as the more detached the person feels, the more fearful and internal they become which only exaggerates these feelings. They then usually worry about the next social interaction and if it will happen again, which usually means it will.
This can lead to them avoiding social situations unless they really have to. The trouble is that this only feeds into their subconscious mind that there is a problem in communicating with others, and so the fear only increases.
How to overcome this feeling of detachment around others
Understand that this feeling is totally harmless, it is no more than a natural part of the defence mechanism in the brain that is protecting you from what it perceives as an immediate threat. Knowing this feeling is temporary and utterly harmless can help you fear it less, and as this is all about turning the fear down, it is an important part of overcoming this frustrating experience.
Let go of any negative thoughts you have about yourself
Acknowledge that people are not judging you as you think they are. It is just you judging yourself and believing others see you as you do. A lot of people who suffer from social anxiety get nervous as they put people on pedestals. They look at others as though they are better than them due to how they feel about themselves, hence why they are worried about being judged and accepted.
The truth is we are all exactly the same, no one is better than anyone else. The only difference is the thoughts people have about themselves. Learn to let go of any thoughts that bring you down or try to tell you who you are. Realise they are not reality, they do nothing but create a false version of who you think you are.
Work on building your self-esteem and practice self-care
The main cause of social anxiety is due to not being comfortable with who you are. So it is vital NOT to look for acceptance outside of yourself but within.
Increasing self-esteem is another subject in itself, but there are many things you can do to feel better about yourself. One includes looking after yourself by eating well, exercising and being kind to yourself.
Learn to let go of the toxic people in your life who bring you down and surround yourself with people who make you feel better about yourself. Try to give up any bad habits. Get in shape. Start walking in nature. Join a Buddhist or meditation class. Take up new hobbies and interests that are in line with what you enjoy, anything that feeds your soul.
Learn to look after your physical and mental health the best you can. The truth is, the better you feel about yourself, the more comfortable you will feel around others.
Live in the present and not in your head
When socialising, learn to come out of your head more so that you are more engaged in the conversation. Learn to concentrate on the other person rather than how you feel.
If some anxiety is there initially, allow it to be so. Don’t try and do anything to control it or get rid of it. Just allow any anxiety to be present. Anxiety left alone weakens all by itself. Worrying about it only increases it and places your awareness on what is going on internally rather than the conversation.
One key thing I learnt is to no longer care if my brain tripped out and I felt a sense of detachment, if it happened then it happened. When you no longer care or are concerned about it, the fear weakens dramatically and as it is your fear that actually creates it, then you will find it doesn’t happen, or if it does, it is much milder. Also, by no longer caring, you will find that you are far less self-absorbed than normal, which in turn allows you to be more present.
Don’t avoid social interactions
Keep mixing with others. Teach your brain that there is no threat when being around others. Even if you start small by talking to your neighbour instead of retreating, engaging in conversation with a cashier or making small talk with a stranger at a bus stop.
Maybe build up to joining a new class or take up some form of volunteering, anything that puts you in a position where you engage more with others. The more you practice and the more comfortable you get with social situations, the less anxiety you will feel.
Don’t try and put on a performance or create a character you think others want to see in an attempt to gain acceptance. Again this just puts you back in your head trying to be someone you are not or trying to say things you think people want to hear. This only leads to the conversation feeling forced and unauthentic.
Don’t rehearse a conversation or try to think about what you will say. Don’t feel like you have to be witty or cover any silences, just let it happen naturally and spontaneously.
Accept yourself as you are and accept how things go. Don’t judge yourself if it doesn’t go as you would like initially. With practice and perseverance, things will gradually improve.
The key to overcoming this frustrating experience is about reducing your fear of it and learning to come out of your head. If you follow the tips above, you will find your confidence increases and your anxiety around others will begin to weaken. Also, when you learn to be less inside your head, your awareness will then automatically switch to the outside world and you will feel more present around others.
- How being too Self-Absorbed can affect your health - 21st February 2024
- The importance of self-care for good mental health - 21st April 2023
- Why does my mind go blank when talking with others? - 7th March 2022
Such an excellent post, thank you Paul!!!
All your comments that you have written this is exactly like I feel that everyone is better than me. I have tried to be.ieve what others have told me about myself., but I don’t or cannot except what they are saying I’m like, I think I am much worse.
Great post as usual. I’ve been following this website since 2009 and have bought both books. Annoyingly my anxiety comes and goes in about half a year episodes. Something I really struggle with and wondered if you had any insight on is the “lack of interest to do anything/lack of interest in life”. When I was much younger (38 now) I was a very happy go lucky guy with many strong interests but always had panic attacks from time to time and would be scared of buses and exam rooms in case I needed the loo or something. I call these my “simple anxiety” years. Just before graduating in 2008 I had a really scary thought of “I could just end it all right now” and my whole world/life changed. I felt completely removed from the world and my personality/sense of self vanished and never really had it fully back. I just lost the desire for anything and get panic attacks of pure despair because it’s my mind I fear as opposed to something in the real world…so there’s no escape. I used to have this phrase, “the want to want”, like I really want to want to do something/feel passion/lust for life in any area IE relationship/career/hobbies…anything really.
So I guess my question is, does anxiety cause this lack of interest or is it just me. Because at the moment, I spend most of my time on my bed not doing much. And no matter how detrimental I know that is, if I try to do anything productive or something I feel like I should be doing to help me, even a change in attitude as described in your books, my anxiety/depressive feelings increase. I try to do the “do nothing” as stated in your books, but if I feel like I don’t want to get better, cos I hate life or something, does that mean it’s hopeless for me? Like I’m stuck in some kind of loop that prevents me from the “giving in/acceptance” attitude that’s needed for recovery. Does this feel familiar to anyone else?
I hope there’s still hope for me yet, it’s been a long 15 year battle on and off.
(Disclaimer: I don’t want my experience to dampen/hinder anyone elses experience. I think these are great books/advice that I recommend to others a lot. I’m just scared that it feels like I have all the knowledge but none of the ability/desire to get better, despite wanting to…when feeling like I don’t lol).
Hi Matt,
It’s been a few months, so hopefully you’ll see this reply. Everything you’ve described sounds completely normal. Anxiety tires the brain out so much that it feels like we’ve lost all desire and drive for living. That’s why doing nothing and pretending works so well. We don’t need to wait for the fear to leave, the anxiety to decrease, the desire to return, or whatever it may be. We just live our life. You say you feel worse when you do this – that’s to be expected! When we’ve told our brain that normal life is dangerous and scary (in your case, by spending so much time in bed not doing much), then of course when you start living again, your brain (in its attempt to protect you) is going to be screaming out messages like “ahh this isn’t good! get back in bed!” and your body will do its unique anxiety dance 😉 The point that trips so many people up is they think once they implement the “correct” formula that they should see xyz results immediately. When they don’t, they think either they’re doing it wrong or that there’s something unique about their feelings and/or symptoms. But remember what Paul always reiterates: the point is never to feel better. The point is to get back to living life. Even if that means you’re just going through the motions, feeling anxious/depressed all the while. Practice not self-evaluating so much, meaning checking to see if you’re enjoying life again or whether your anxiety/depression is worse or better. It’s going to happen quite frequently because you’ve made a habit of it, so when it does practice responding with a “who cares” or “doesn’t matter” then go back to whatever task is at hand. You might feel weird or exhausted or disconnected – oh well, you have a life to live. Let your brain churn in whatever manner it wants; yes, it’s uncomfortable, but it can’t hurt you. There is no thought that is like a point of no return or something. So many people have been spooked (myself included) by those thoughts of “what if I get so depressed that I kill myself? what if my desire for living never returns?” Those are just the thoughts of a tired, anxious mind. Learn to see them as such, rather than placing your whole identity on whatever thought happens to be passing through your mind at the moment. How do you learn? By taking the thoughts with you while you live your life. You’ll never out think your anxious mind while sitting in your bed 😉 So get back to living! Do it anxious, do it depressed, do it disconnected, do it unmotivated, do it with racing thoughts, do it scared.
Do you feel vertigo with anxiety ? And can u feel everyday
This post managed to sum up 15 years of me fighting with this kind of anxiety. I had been wondering for so long why this is happening and nobody could ever give me an explanation. I went so far as to think that I have some sort of dissociative mental disorder, but now and again I would find myself in a situation where it just wouldn’t happen so it left me even more perplexed. This sums it up perfectly. I now understand the mechanism behind it, but it is so difficult to put it into practice and not be bothered by it. Thank you for the post!
I have never left any comments on my pad before,and I am not IT literate
I started with my anxiety and horrible feelings when I was sixteen and from the age of sixteen I just didn’t have a life just getting up going to bed it wasn’t a life,
I am now Seventy five and I managed to have some good years and some terrible and frightening ones because I never told anyone the symptoms that I was suffering
I have 3 children 7 grandchildren and 2 great-grandchildren and try to be a normal loving gran to them all but I only really confide in my husband
I managed to read Paul’s books and the help and relief I got were tremendous
Since the Covid lockdown, I have gone back to my old ways and finding it very hard to get back to the happy person I was becoming
I also seem to notice not many people my age leave comments I just wonder if you get worse with all these feelings when you get older or is it because like me I was too afraid and embarrassed to ask for help because I felt too old but I feel a young 75
I have started reading Paul’s first book again and it is really helping ‘just wish I could have got the years back I missed because I was afraid of going mad but I did achieve bringing my family up and have a loving loyal husband and I am trying to not be afraid of these awful feelings
Hi,
Thanks to Pauls’s book, I have lost all of my fears and can’t even imagine how I feared everything and am doing great and have immense mental clarity compared to when I first entered the anxiety loop.
Many times I have had excellent days, weeks and even months which shows that I am doing nothing wrong
However, I do feel quite tired and sometimes when on really bad days, I feel really zapped and have no energy to continue working and have to literally push my body for small tasks which feels like doing an ultramarathon.
What generally happens with me is that during setbacks/bad days, I feel immensely like that which is pretty normal being sensitised.
I work remotely and not for very long hours and am not in a very stressful job.
Also, my family is quite supportive.
I do take breaks in my work citing some reason or the other. I am really confused as to what to do with my work, as to take a break for some time, if yes how many days, weeks or no.
All these questions popped up after encountering a bad phase after having excellent days or probably weeks or even a month.
If anyone who has recovered can help me out with this small hindrance, it would be of a great help
Hi everyone i have read both books and have helped me tremendously but now i am stuck it is confusing for me how should i allow my thoutghts if they jump from one thing to another then i get trapped into questioning should i need to allow the image and the chatter then i get scared why i dont have the chatter and only the images but if i allow it consumes my day then i get scared should allow my questioning im confused can anyone help me. Sorry for my english it is my second language
Thanks.
Hello, I have a question I’m hoping you can help with. I’m on the road to recovery, but dealing with all day anxiety/thoughts/racing mind. I know from the book I need to just live my life, but I’m wondering if it helps to take time off from work to allow my body to recover? My symptoms are always much worse at work since my work environment is pretty stressful. Is it better for recovery to just continue working or take some time away and fill that with other things that don’t elevate my symptoms all day long? Thank you!
Hey All,
I found this blog about 8 years ago and I was at the lowest of lows, I felt horrible, I felt like I was loosing it and couldn’t figure out why, all I knew is that I wanted to feel better. I wanted to enjoy my life again and enjoy people again. My anxiety was so terrible I didn’t want to look at any because it frustrated me. I went on like that for approximately 10 months and I fought and fought and fought. I was exhausted mentally, physically and emotionally. I would read the blogs and look and look for different ppl with my kinda symptoms and never found anyone, so I decided to take Paul’s advice and stop fighting and I said whatever will be will be I don’t care anymore if it’s going to happen no need in me prolonging my impending doom. I just let whatever happened and it was so scary so nerve shattering, I sit through it pray and repeat. I got better and made a promise to not let myself get to that point again. Unfortunately I’m back to this point in my life and I feel I let myself down, because I was doing so good, just going about not caring and living life. I feel horrible but every now and again I get a ease of what I use to feel like prior to anxiety trying to plant it’s claws into me and it’s let’s me know I’ll be okay but it still doesn’t stop it from being scary. Intrusive thoughts are the absolute worse. I think I can handle any and everything else except those, they seem so real. I just wanna feel better and put that behind me.
Hello Jess,
Sorry you’re struggling again. Remember though, recovery and freedom doesn’t mean never experiencing anxiety again (as nice as that would be, it’s just not possible). What it does mean is you always have the knowledge to fall back on when more difficult times inevitably come. So have a good cry lol, then get back to living your life. Yes, you’ll feel horrible and the intrusive thoughts will come. Let it all be there. You know the way forward because you’ve walked this road before.
Hi Stephanie
Thank you for the encouraging words, I seem to struggle the most early mornings. It’s like my brain is trained at 5am I wake up to a zap of panic and I’m in for the fight for the day until evening. My anxiety is way worse in the morning. By the evening I’m in the phase of I don’t care about anxiety and I’m more relaxed. I’m trying to incorporate that same relaxation and not caring to my morning and honestly it’s not working and is getting the best of me. I literally hate mornings. My brain just doesn’t feel like mine at this point.
Hi Jess,
Morning are always worse for me too when I’m feeling anxious. Something about having the whole day ahead to get through. But there’s no method you need to apply or relaxed feeling you need to try to conjure up – as you’re already seeing, it doesn’t work. So try to just let the anxiety be there. When you wake up early and feel that jolt of panic, instead of thinking “oh no, here we go again”, try to change it to “oh well, so what. I can still go about my day.” Believe me, I know the tendency to rate your day based on your level of anxiety or to try to incorporate different methods to relax yourself. But all those things add more tension. Instead of allowing anxious feelings to come and go, we tell ourselves “no, I don’t want to feel this way, I can’t feel this way! I need to make it stop.” And then we tire ourselves out and make ourselves feel more stressed and anxious as we run around panicking, trying to get rid of the uncomfortable feelings. So as you’re going your morning, when you feel yourself automatically checking how you’re feeling, just turn your attention outward again. When you find yourself thinking “this isn’t working, I still feel awful” just gently go back to whatever you were doing and allow yourself fo feel however you feel while you’re doing it. Keep reminding yourself that you’re not trying to get rid of any thoughts or feelings, you’re just living your life.
Hi Stephanie,
You always gives great advices and positive Feedback.
2 Question :
Why peoole suffer so long and say i had it on and off for 15 years.. Could we not heal 100 %?
What do to with medication withdrawal?
After coming off meds have we the same chance to recover or because of the withdrawal we have it longer then People without taken medication.
Thanks for all
Duy
Stephanie,
Thank you 🙂
You have manage to sum up exactly how I have been going about this all wrong since my awful flare up. It has been so long 8 yrs since I had an anxiety flare/setback that I honestly forgot how I finally got to the stage of forget it and let myself feel it all. The feelings are so intense when they are there and I feel broken forever and then they ease off and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Writing has been helping me a lot.
Stephanie or anyone,
Do you find it difficult to be around people when experiencing your anxiety? It’s almost like a detachment from people, it’s kinda hard to explain. Everyday I feel like I can’t be around people but the old me craves to get back out there amongst people and talk again, I just feel so confused and lost. I know for sure that this is anxiety but sometimes I can’t help but wonder if it’s some other kinda mental issues. I’m trying not to track the time I’ve been suffering but I’m a little over 2 months into this thing and I just want my life back. I want the old me the carefree girl who just lived and had fun carefree.
Hey Jess,
I feel this so much. I basically love being around people but I have developed a weird habit of feeling so weird around them. It’s like I can’t be myself and everything I say sounds fake and like pretending even though I am trying to be honest and truthful and on top of that my voice sounds fake and laboured. Like I forget who I am. And I don’t like this person at all. It’s the worst with my parents because it also comes with a lot of guilt because I can’t be honest and normal around them and they are usually super nice to me. This has been bothering me so much it’s basically ruining my life. I also thought it might be some other mental issue, but I’ve been to two psychologists and even a psychiatrist and they couldn’t find anything wrong with me. Does this sound like anything you’re experiencing?
Hello,
I’m hoping for some input. I’ve been working at my recovery for several months. I was doing well meaning I felt like I was doing a good job of just living my life and accepting that I felt awful and letting the anxiety and intrusive thoughts just do what they want. About 4 weeks ago, I had a health issue surface that has been weighing on me. In a non-anxious state, it probably would not have been a big deal. But in my anxious state, my mind latched on to it and every little tinge of pain creates a fear/anxiety in me and it can be a constant reminder all day/every day. So my question is do I just allow this new fear/thoughts to just surface and do what they want? I’m just a little confused because I’m the past my fears were always based on something that wasn’t “real”. But now, the chronic pain is real so do I handle this any differently or just let it all surface as normal and eventually my brain will learn that the pain is not so threatening to me? Thanks for the input, I really appreciate it
RD, currently experiencing the same thing in my right upper shoulder and I’m extremely tense so I’m aware that this will be here until anxiety subsides. Those tinges of pain and even numbness will pass, just allow it too. You mention your anxiety in past was always about things not real. Do you mind elaborating? Thanks
Hi Jess,
Yes, what I mean by my anxiety and “not real” is that a lot of times in the past I would work myself up over a situation or work thing that I was making it out to be much worse in my mind than it really was. But now, I’m having a health issue that’s real meaning it’s ongoing and causing chronic pain. So my anxiety is ramping up over this real health issue is what I was trying to say.
I understand what you mean Anxiety is a pest and I truly forgot how torturous it really is, and how it plays such dirty tricks on our minds and make us feel so badly. My anxiety currently has me not wanting to be around or look at ppl. It just feel so awkward, hard to explain, I don’t feel myself. I have been carrying on doing things but some days are hard and I need a pick me up. Praying things turn around for you and me both soon.
Thank you Jess. We’ll be in a better place eventually, I got better in the past so I know it just takes acceptance, time, and living life. God bless
dear Paul and other recovered guys (if there are any online),
.. i also lost the fear of panic attacks with the help of this method and the book of Paul.
But i struggle when I feel anxiety that Im automatically getting those thoughts what if you wont recover what if you will never be anxiety free or what if you will never stop being scared of anxiety?
This thoughts are so extreme and I get soo scared, i cant focus on anything else and am just occupied with the content of this thoughts. I am so afraid that i never will be able to enjoy life and will stuck with anxious thoughts and the anxiety for ever, i could recover from the fear of panic but how to recover from the fear of constantly thinking anxious thoughts?? .. 😔
How to get past this? How would acceptance look like for thought? I would be so grateful for your help
To everyone suffering from this condition, I wanted to share my experience. Firstly, whatever Paul is trying to teach us is really the most effective way to come out of this condition, which is based on my experience. I suffered from this condition for a long time and it was his books which put me on the path to recovery. What really helped me was moving on with my life. For example, going out to socialise even if I did not feel like it, and instead of reading about anxiety, I would go out shopping or even engage in some hobby.
Initially, you may not feel like doing these things, but it is at this point the actions you take will determine the path to recovery. Slowly things get easier. There is no technique which will cure you, anything you do to feel better or to recover will only worsen the condition. PERIOD!!
Also, I would like to talk about a few things related to meditation, as it is sold as a cure for anxiety and depression in recent times. In the anxious state of mind, I was subconsciously trying to use it as a tool to distance myself from thoughts and emotions, that is trying to move away from my anxious thoughts. My experience is this will not target the root cause and might sometimes worsen the condition, as we are using it as a technique to free ourselves.
It is fine to meditate as long as we have the right approach and are not trying to get rid of anything. Ultimately, you do not need any technique, no saying, no tools, there is really nothing to do. By nothing, I mean doing nothing about the condition, instead work towards moving on with other things in your life, no matter how you feel initially.
There may be days when we feel miserable, or our mind may be racing, yet we carry on with our day by doing nothing about the condition. It is more of an attitude of doing nothing, whatever thoughts and emotions you have, letting them be, at the same time not giving them much interest and moving our interest towards other things in life.
You have to feel the emotions, do not suppress any of them, let the mind race, and do nothing about it, slowly things will begin to improve but it does require some patience.
Also, during anxious times we are looking for ways to get rid of this condition and we are attracted by content online that talks about methods or techniques to free ourselves or be calm or joyful. In the long run, they just worsen things, as we are using our tired mind and forcing it to get better. Also, I realized, not all but some of these techniques or tools advertised are just a way for some people to make money or profit from this condition.
I realized you cannot force peace, calm or joy, or force a different state of being, it is by accepting your mind as it is, and slowly things will improve. I have experienced periods of calm, peace and joy during the path to recovery, but I was never expecting them, it happened automatically.
There is no better feeling than coming out of this condition, and by doing the right things (as detailed above) I believe most of us can get through this condition. I hope no one suffers needlessly from anxiety and hope people see the wisdom Paul is trying to share that can put them on the path to recovery.
Hey, I was hoping someone could help me understand this one fragment of Paul’s book, “At Last a Life and Beyond.”
He lists examples of avoidance in his chapter about avoiding anxiety. Most are clear (not answering the phone, constantly cancelling on people, a need to be busy or distracted), but there’s this one I don’t get: “Fabricated conversations.”
There’s no explanation and I’m not sure how to understand it. Does it mean: making up conversations in your head, or: having shallow conversations with other people, not engaging in them at all because you’re detached?
I looked online but it’s not really a term anyone uses. If someone could help me out, I’d really appreciate it. It doesn’t help that I’m not a native English speaker so I guess knowing a lot of words can only get you so far 😀
I suffered from anxiety and DPDR after graduation from high school and it lead me to start taking mediction for about 6 years. It actually helped and those years have been pretty good. During these years I have read books, including yours and got much more educated which has made me to not fear anxiety as mush as before. Therefore I have stopped meds and it goes well without it.
The thing that bothers me still is the DPDR or the feelings of detachment. I am not so anxious and I’m feeling good in general, so it makes me wonder why these feelings still bother me. I’m finding it hard to drive to work and just being out is making me feel unreal and super focused on myself. When I hear Paul talking about this in the book it sounds like the similar feelings he had was because his mind was tired after too much anxiety and thinking, but that’s not the case for me right now.
I find it hard to see how I will feel normal and connected again. I know many people say that they are special from those who have recovered and can’t ever feel normal, but that’s exactly how I feel. It feels like I’m living my life through a shell and it makes me feel hopeless about the future. I am good at work, exercising and my life is good, but it feels like I’m not fully connected.
Hi Anna
It is not a common phrase outside of the English language. It basically means having a conversation but not being fully present in it, more talking/rambling to get it over with so you can get away quickly. The conversation has no substance and engagement to it, you are more interested in how you feel and your need to get it over with than the conversation itself.
Hey!
First of all thank you for your books, your blog and insights on suffering Paul.
I have a question that’s been nagging me for the last couple of months, and i was wondering if either you, or anyone else, could help me understand it a little better.
For the past year i’ve been struggling in particular with one question. The thought started out as a verbal question thought in my mind– “how do you know what to say, do you have to hear a voice/thought first before you speak, or do you just speak your mind – or is this voice (thought) just what you say out loud normally”, which got me thinking even more about that particular thought and has made me very self conscious about all i say. And now the thought has gained quite a lot of momentum. My mind has begun to look for answers and i think somewhere down the line i’ve kind of begun to questions all my thoughts subconsciously like – “how do i know if i want to say it, and if im not my thoughts then how do i know what i want to say ” which in term has generated quite a large amount of anxiety. I think that i’ve misunderstod one part of your book saying “it’s your mind that generates thoughts, not you” and taken it too excessively and tried to use it as a technique to get distance from all of my thoughts?
Everytime this question shows up i feel some discomfort, which is easier somedays not to give too much attention to – but i usually end up pondering the question again and again when i feel a bit down.
This whole mind / thoughts endeavor has taken on quite a meta vibe for me, and i find myself questioning such simple thins as “do i have to hear a voice in my head (or maybe just hear my verbal thoughts) before i say things out loud?” – which sometimes in social situations leaves me feeling quite uncomfortable / invalid.
I resonate quite a lot with this article which is why hope someone could help me shed some light on the particular thought about the proces of communicating im struggling with.
So i guess the big questions i have is – is all i say out loud based on thoughts?
I excuse in advance if the question seems silly to anyone, but it’s really been causing me a lot of suffering / discomfort, and i think i’ve overthought this one question so much, and that i have generated certain habit conclusions now – and i would like like to hear if anyone has a new fresh take on it / insight that maybe could spark something new in my mind.
Hi Paul,
I am suffering from anxiety and depression since retiring from teaching early with severe anxiety. Since then I turned down 5 good jobs for fear of anxiety. I’ve held 9 jobs in 5 years all of which I thought would rid me of anxiety. These jobs were all easy highers and somehow accommodated my anxiety. My symptoms in them all were excruciating. My question is do I need to face my fears of a job I’m qualified for to recover? Or do I let my mind and body heal first?
Dee C
Hello Paul,
So last month I read both of your books, and I found the information to be exceptionally useful after countless methods like supplements, cold showers and meditation weren’t exactly the be-it-all cure I had hoped them to be. I think the issue with me however is that I’m struggling to apply the information correctly, as whenever I have a setback after a brief period of peacefulness it’s back to all the searching and trying methods, which again you advice against.
However, there’s that constant feeling inside me where I feel as though my anxiety is unique and uncurable. Many people have anxiety over issues regarding personal issues, whereas with me it’s often to do with the state of the world. You see, I have OCD and with that comes a habit known as “doomscrolling”, where I have a tendency to seek out negative news/information. Throughout much of this year I’ve gone down a rabbit hole of this, with issues related to wars, crime, political division, culture wars among other things.
This has given me a general sense that the world is a lot worse than it used to be and is imploding upon itself, despite evidence that would suggest otherwise. However, I find myself constantly fixated on the bad, where it’s gotten to the point where I’m anxious I’ll get urges to confess/discuss/share negative thoughts with people when I don’t want to. I feel like I can’t even hang out with friends anymore without feeling constantly on edge.
Basically, I just find myself in a major loop here, and I feel if you responded it would help greatly.
Much thanks,
GT