//How long does it take to recover from anxiety?

How long does it take to recover from anxiety?

Updated 21/08/2018

Today’s title ‘How long does it take to recover from anxiety’ has no definite answer and is like saying ‘How long is a piece of string?’

People can suffer to varying degrees with their anxiety and mainly go on to develop different habits and beliefs. The way in which people experience suffering can be down to many reasons and no two people’s experience are the same.

What influences how long it takes to recover from anxiety?

Overcoming anxiety is firstly dependent on having the knowledge and understanding of what is needed to begin recovery. Once this knowledge is gained and put into practice, there are many factors in the amount of time it takes people to recover

The length of time you have suffered.

People who have suffered longer may have built up more habits of avoidance and have more deep-rooted subconscious beliefs and memory of suffering than the person who has experienced suffering for a few months. Because of this, it may take more time and inner work to regain their former self.

2. Knowledge and understanding

People who have who have built up their knowledge and understanding of the condition are far more able to fall out of old destructive patterns of behaviour and become more allowing of their thoughts and emotions than someone who has little to no knowledge.

3. How brave you are willing to be

If you can develop a more fearless attitude towards living your life alongside anxiety, then this will have a significant bearing on your recovery. You get your life back by going out there and living it and not letting how you feel stop you. This life is yours to experience; it does not belong to anxiety, it belongs to you.

4. Looking after yourself

Looking after yourself mentally and physically will help you immensely. This means cutting down on all the worry and stress and taking more mental timeouts. Having a good diet and getting outdoors in the fresh air or taking up some form of exercise can also be beneficial.

5. Patience

Trying to get to a destination in the fastest time possible will just create needless struggle and effort and will only lead to impatience and disappointment. Recovery is down to many factors and patience is undoubtedly one of them. You need to be kind to yourself and allow your mind and body to heal at their own pace.

time is running out

Many factors can help speed up recovery, but the simple answer is no one can say for sure how long it will take. So don’t get frustrated as to where you are at currently or try to compare yourself with others.

When I started on my path to healing, I had no interest in how long it would take to recover, for me it was all about progressing in the right direction. Progress could be slow at times, and then there could also be some huge leaps. But I just took it all in my stride without demanding too much, as long as I knew I was on the right road then I was happy.

This lack of patience for many is the very reason I rarely tell others how long it took me to recover, as people may then compare my time frame with themselves and think that they should be further down the road than they are. Frustration could then set in, and they may start battling and searching for the instant cure once again.

My recovery from anxiety did take time

I did not recover by waking up one day, and it was all behind me. My healing came in layers. I just began to have more good than bad days, and my mind gradually started to regain its clarity. I would say as soon as I saw these improvements then I knew I was on the right path and it was only a matter of time before I was back to my old self.

I don’t even recall any particular day where I said, that’s it ‘I am fully recovered’. It just crept up on me slowly, and near the end, the symptoms were so minor that they did not influence me anymore anyway. I had regained my life well before I would say I no longer felt any symptoms.

Recovery is there for everyone; I wasn’t special or lucky. Many people who first came to me now send me some lovely emails and pictures of them living their life once again.  I recognise some of these people from years ago when they first posted on my blog. Most were in a terrible state, so lost and confused and had no hope that they could ever recover.

All they ever needed was understanding and time.

When you finally have the knowledge to start recovery and can see the improvements you are making, then how long it takes won’t even matter, you will just know that it’s inevitable.

If you would like more information on overcoming anxiety, then visit my site anxietynomore. If you would like to know more about my book, then visit At Last a Life

Paul David
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Paul David

Paul David owner and sole contributor of this blog and https://anxietynomore.co.uk. Author of the best selling book on overcoming anxiety 'At last a life' and the follow up 'At last a life and beyond. Lover of all animals and the outdoors.
Paul David
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By |2019-01-15T16:33:04+00:00August 21st, 2018|Anxiety|800 Comments

800 Comments

  1. Witheld 21st October 2010 at 12:28 pm - Reply

    What an excellent post. Just what I needed when deciding whehter to go back on meds or continue trying to beat/forget about this dreaded anxiety myself.

  2. Witheld 21st October 2010 at 12:28 pm - Reply

    What an excellent post. Just what I needed when deciding whehter to go back on meds or continue trying to beat/forget about this dreaded anxiety myself.

  3. natalie 21st October 2010 at 1:53 pm - Reply

    hi paul
    may i be the first to congradulate you on a wonderful explaination.. it sounds so simple but we all know the hard work that you would have put into that xx it gives me lots of hope and could not come at a better time. I don’t know if you remember when i came on panicing about ssp and maybe having to go back to work. well i have an interview lined up for a new job in two weeks and am having a back to work interview tomorrow. have been highly anxious since i made this decision and my sleep has already been effected with the odd heart palpatation.. but i know deep down if i was not anxious i would be at work as muich as i love my boys and have embraced being more of a mum i am not a full time stay at home person. i am scared and have already had the am i doing the right thing but i worked there for 10 years and was fine.. it is only the memory of what happened that holds me back. in fact my friend just said to me are you sure .. i don’t want to see you ill again.. and i started to doubt again. so your post has made me see that i have to do this just take it day by day.. don’t pressure myself .. try not to doubt but accept i will have days like this and move forward.. i don’t want to hide away anymore .. and even thought i have been feeling lots more in control and going out with friends and stuff i need to take the next step. would love your response if you get time and how you dealt with the doubt when you returned to work cos after 10 years am sure it was not an easy ride. thankyou again paul heres to keeping positive xxx

  4. natalie 21st October 2010 at 1:53 pm - Reply

    hi paul
    may i be the first to congradulate you on a wonderful explaination.. it sounds so simple but we all know the hard work that you would have put into that xx it gives me lots of hope and could not come at a better time. I don’t know if you remember when i came on panicing about ssp and maybe having to go back to work. well i have an interview lined up for a new job in two weeks and am having a back to work interview tomorrow. have been highly anxious since i made this decision and my sleep has already been effected with the odd heart palpatation.. but i know deep down if i was not anxious i would be at work as muich as i love my boys and have embraced being more of a mum i am not a full time stay at home person. i am scared and have already had the am i doing the right thing but i worked there for 10 years and was fine.. it is only the memory of what happened that holds me back. in fact my friend just said to me are you sure .. i don’t want to see you ill again.. and i started to doubt again. so your post has made me see that i have to do this just take it day by day.. don’t pressure myself .. try not to doubt but accept i will have days like this and move forward.. i don’t want to hide away anymore .. and even thought i have been feeling lots more in control and going out with friends and stuff i need to take the next step. would love your response if you get time and how you dealt with the doubt when you returned to work cos after 10 years am sure it was not an easy ride. thankyou again paul heres to keeping positive xxx

  5. C 21st October 2010 at 2:28 pm - Reply

    Great post 🙂 I love coming back on here for reassurance that im not a complete nut! I am better than I was but up and down like you have described. My anxiety comes from worry, I worry about everything. Before having my lightbulb moment of realising I had anxiety, I would often worry about something and then it would be forgotten. During the last year however that changed to worrying about it for ages. I think the worst possible things ever will happen to me!

    AS you often decribe aniexty can be healed and it can be changed – but can worry?

    I did the big one this week and went to the docs for the tests for the things ive conviced myself that I have. I have been worrying about it for about 9 months now but wouldnt go to the docs, have I done the right thing? I only did it cause it could possibly stop me worrying about it?

    I do let me head talk and talk and talk and i am carrying on with life – but this big one worry that I have ive finally gone to docs and they can say either yes or no. I wonder if this will help me?

    Hope everything is well with you and ur too busy! Take care x

  6. C 21st October 2010 at 2:28 pm - Reply

    Great post 🙂 I love coming back on here for reassurance that im not a complete nut! I am better than I was but up and down like you have described. My anxiety comes from worry, I worry about everything. Before having my lightbulb moment of realising I had anxiety, I would often worry about something and then it would be forgotten. During the last year however that changed to worrying about it for ages. I think the worst possible things ever will happen to me!

    AS you often decribe aniexty can be healed and it can be changed – but can worry?

    I did the big one this week and went to the docs for the tests for the things ive conviced myself that I have. I have been worrying about it for about 9 months now but wouldnt go to the docs, have I done the right thing? I only did it cause it could possibly stop me worrying about it?

    I do let me head talk and talk and talk and i am carrying on with life – but this big one worry that I have ive finally gone to docs and they can say either yes or no. I wonder if this will help me?

    Hope everything is well with you and ur too busy! Take care x

  7. Diana 21st October 2010 at 3:46 pm - Reply

    Paul, such a wonderful post and so, so right. I went back and read it twice because the part about memory really hit a nerve with me. Actually, this whole post was like a very gentle waterfall of words that soothe and make so much warm, caring sense. When I look back on the last 16 months and how far I have come with this anxiety issue that had dogged me for my entire adult life, I think, well no wonder it has taken me all this time to really grasp it and get better. I had 35 years of memory. The fact is, I don’t remember ever feeling non- anxious — up until the last nine months or so. So you are right, in my opinion, when you say that the healing is down to the amount of time you have been suffering.

    Now when I see how tied up and hurt and anxious I was, I think, well of course I was. It was all I knew. It did not matter if news was good or bad – I reacted in an anxious state. Got a new job offer? Only a question of time until they find out I am a fraud. Got a raise? I’ll probably get fired before the next one. And so on and so on. Through life. All good things were tinged with a little bit of poison. All bad things were horrid and expected. It’s taken me this whole year to just stop reacting to my own impulses. A whole year of no longer scaring myself when fear seemed like only way to react. A year of saying, ok, heart is racing, so what. so what. Keep moving, keep going. Nothing bad is going to happen if you just keep doing that you are doing. And then at some point it clicked. I stopped feeling the knee jerk fear. For the first time ever that I can remember. No anxiety. I still talk in my head a lot, and when I catch myself doing that, I can see that it’s very often when I am very, very tired.

    I can see the bigger picture now. Tiredness -> tired mind-> adrenalin-> fear -> exhaustion -> adrenaline ->panic. Round and round. Now, when I hit tiredness/tired mind, I stop. Relax, take a breath, read, change up my activities. I have so much built up memory of suffering, before this year I would cry on a dime thinking about how much I had suffered my entire life with anxiety. Now I am getting enough distance and some GOOD new memory in between that gives me some relief from thinking how hard things were. I am getting distance to my pain. I can’t really believe it but it’s true.

    Well enough. Thank you again, Paul. It’s meant everything to me.

  8. Diana 21st October 2010 at 3:46 pm - Reply

    Paul, such a wonderful post and so, so right. I went back and read it twice because the part about memory really hit a nerve with me. Actually, this whole post was like a very gentle waterfall of words that soothe and make so much warm, caring sense. When I look back on the last 16 months and how far I have come with this anxiety issue that had dogged me for my entire adult life, I think, well no wonder it has taken me all this time to really grasp it and get better. I had 35 years of memory. The fact is, I don’t remember ever feeling non- anxious — up until the last nine months or so. So you are right, in my opinion, when you say that the healing is down to the amount of time you have been suffering.

    Now when I see how tied up and hurt and anxious I was, I think, well of course I was. It was all I knew. It did not matter if news was good or bad – I reacted in an anxious state. Got a new job offer? Only a question of time until they find out I am a fraud. Got a raise? I’ll probably get fired before the next one. And so on and so on. Through life. All good things were tinged with a little bit of poison. All bad things were horrid and expected. It’s taken me this whole year to just stop reacting to my own impulses. A whole year of no longer scaring myself when fear seemed like only way to react. A year of saying, ok, heart is racing, so what. so what. Keep moving, keep going. Nothing bad is going to happen if you just keep doing that you are doing. And then at some point it clicked. I stopped feeling the knee jerk fear. For the first time ever that I can remember. No anxiety. I still talk in my head a lot, and when I catch myself doing that, I can see that it’s very often when I am very, very tired.

    I can see the bigger picture now. Tiredness -> tired mind-> adrenalin-> fear -> exhaustion -> adrenaline ->panic. Round and round. Now, when I hit tiredness/tired mind, I stop. Relax, take a breath, read, change up my activities. I have so much built up memory of suffering, before this year I would cry on a dime thinking about how much I had suffered my entire life with anxiety. Now I am getting enough distance and some GOOD new memory in between that gives me some relief from thinking how hard things were. I am getting distance to my pain. I can’t really believe it but it’s true.

    Well enough. Thank you again, Paul. It’s meant everything to me.

  9. C 21st October 2010 at 4:12 pm - Reply

    Diana – I am exactly like that e.g. get new job —> u put a downer on it! Mine also occurs more now when im tired. Its amazing how many people this effects. I just cant wait until i can think about other people and not me!

  10. C 21st October 2010 at 4:12 pm - Reply

    Diana – I am exactly like that e.g. get new job —> u put a downer on it! Mine also occurs more now when im tired. Its amazing how many people this effects. I just cant wait until i can think about other people and not me!

  11. Teresa J 21st October 2010 at 8:38 pm - Reply

    Firstly, a great post Paul and reinforces the need for patience and courage to keep going and not avoiding anything. I can identify with so much in it – I am well into recovery but still at the stages where I can run for a while and then oops trip. I realise that this can be affected by outside forces too but it’s our response to the blips that matters not the blip itself. I still need lots of non reacting and non avoiding – sometimes I’m good at it and sometimes not, but it doesn’t matter – the fact is that I know I am on the right road, and when I doubt it i know it’s anxiety. This is not an easy road for anyone who is on it and I think that the fact you have reinforced what an up down affair recovery is should help a lot of people, anxiety sufferes tend to look for perfect and perfection (I should know i have done it long enough) and although we need to know that we can recover fully looking for the perfect day, week etc trying to match everyone else’s recovery – well it’s setting yourself up for a fall. So your post , i am sure, will give the hope and strength to keep us all moving , steadily – and hopefully accepting recovery when it comes and not demanding it.

    Diana – SO NICE to see you here and lovely to here how strong you have become. I’m getting there too, it’s still a up down affair – but the gradualness is building. Tiredness does affect me too and hormones, lol. but I am learning to not react or avoid – and hopefully as i said before, do nothing for anxiety and everything I want to do – I ,like you, have much ingrained habits but I’m unravelling the ball. We have so much to thank Paul for .

  12. Teresa J 21st October 2010 at 8:38 pm - Reply

    Firstly, a great post Paul and reinforces the need for patience and courage to keep going and not avoiding anything. I can identify with so much in it – I am well into recovery but still at the stages where I can run for a while and then oops trip. I realise that this can be affected by outside forces too but it’s our response to the blips that matters not the blip itself. I still need lots of non reacting and non avoiding – sometimes I’m good at it and sometimes not, but it doesn’t matter – the fact is that I know I am on the right road, and when I doubt it i know it’s anxiety. This is not an easy road for anyone who is on it and I think that the fact you have reinforced what an up down affair recovery is should help a lot of people, anxiety sufferes tend to look for perfect and perfection (I should know i have done it long enough) and although we need to know that we can recover fully looking for the perfect day, week etc trying to match everyone else’s recovery – well it’s setting yourself up for a fall. So your post , i am sure, will give the hope and strength to keep us all moving , steadily – and hopefully accepting recovery when it comes and not demanding it.

    Diana – SO NICE to see you here and lovely to here how strong you have become. I’m getting there too, it’s still a up down affair – but the gradualness is building. Tiredness does affect me too and hormones, lol. but I am learning to not react or avoid – and hopefully as i said before, do nothing for anxiety and everything I want to do – I ,like you, have much ingrained habits but I’m unravelling the ball. We have so much to thank Paul for .

  13. lorryt 22nd October 2010 at 7:54 am - Reply

    know exactly where you are coming from guys, currently thinking my hubby has got a new job, and my head is saying how long beofre he walks out on this one. rather thn thinking he has work well done. its almost like we are looking for the next moment to feel down about. i just thought i was a realist and basing my thoughts on that but i guess im ona downer a lot. glad others are lik ethis and im not alone ! and gklad we can sort it out too|! xx. good post paul too, i realised a long time ago i have always been very anxious and not until i got on here could i address it. i am getting there very slowly , but rather very slowly than not at all XXX

  14. lorryt 22nd October 2010 at 7:54 am - Reply

    know exactly where you are coming from guys, currently thinking my hubby has got a new job, and my head is saying how long beofre he walks out on this one. rather thn thinking he has work well done. its almost like we are looking for the next moment to feel down about. i just thought i was a realist and basing my thoughts on that but i guess im ona downer a lot. glad others are lik ethis and im not alone ! and gklad we can sort it out too|! xx. good post paul too, i realised a long time ago i have always been very anxious and not until i got on here could i address it. i am getting there very slowly , but rather very slowly than not at all XXX

  15. Paul David (Admin) 22nd October 2010 at 11:33 am - Reply

    Nice to see you back Diana, always wise words and a great way of putting things. What you say below is so true.

    Now I am getting enough distance and some GOOD new memory in between that gives me some relief from thinking how hard things were. I am getting distance to my pain. I can’t really believe it but it’s true.

    I also had so much memory of suffering and all that went with it, habits were so ingrained, going to my workplace was the worst, I had always felt at my worst there, so many people to have to avoid talking with, trapped for hours when all I wanted to do was curl up at home. Even when I began to recover my workplace would still bring stronger feelings on, like there so much memory off past suffering. But as you also put it I began to create new habits, new memory of better times and some distance from my years of suffering.

  16. Paul David (Admin) 22nd October 2010 at 11:33 am - Reply

    Nice to see you back Diana, always wise words and a great way of putting things. What you say below is so true.

    Now I am getting enough distance and some GOOD new memory in between that gives me some relief from thinking how hard things were. I am getting distance to my pain. I can’t really believe it but it’s true.

    I also had so much memory of suffering and all that went with it, habits were so ingrained, going to my workplace was the worst, I had always felt at my worst there, so many people to have to avoid talking with, trapped for hours when all I wanted to do was curl up at home. Even when I began to recover my workplace would still bring stronger feelings on, like there so much memory off past suffering. But as you also put it I began to create new habits, new memory of better times and some distance from my years of suffering.

  17. scott 22nd October 2010 at 11:35 am - Reply

    Thanks for that Paul, it really gives hope and inspiration for those of us on the rocky road that is recovery. I’ve only been experiencing this ‘anxiety’ buiseness for nearly 5 months and its been very up and down. Weeks of feeling ‘normal’ again only for things to come crashing down. Whats hard is the changing face of anxiety, a new one thats croped up for me at the moment is intense obsessive thoughts and feelings in my muscles that I want to tense/twitch. I’m thinking I’m developing a nervous tic of some sort?! your book doesn’t cover this? I’m gusessing its adrenalin/anxiety so trying to just carry on but its hard not to watch and respond to it!. Thanks again your words are very helpful

  18. scott 22nd October 2010 at 11:35 am - Reply

    Thanks for that Paul, it really gives hope and inspiration for those of us on the rocky road that is recovery. I’ve only been experiencing this ‘anxiety’ buiseness for nearly 5 months and its been very up and down. Weeks of feeling ‘normal’ again only for things to come crashing down. Whats hard is the changing face of anxiety, a new one thats croped up for me at the moment is intense obsessive thoughts and feelings in my muscles that I want to tense/twitch. I’m thinking I’m developing a nervous tic of some sort?! your book doesn’t cover this? I’m gusessing its adrenalin/anxiety so trying to just carry on but its hard not to watch and respond to it!. Thanks again your words are very helpful

  19. Paul David (Admin) 22nd October 2010 at 12:13 pm - Reply

    Hi Natalie I do remember you yes, here is your post split up.

    hi paul
    may i be the first to congradulate you on a wonderful explaination.. it sounds so simple but we all know the hard work that you would have put into that xx

    When I write something and I no longer suffer it sounds easy to me, but I only have to put myself back all those years and I remember it could be difficult at times, esp in the early days, but trust me Natalie it gets so much easier and please do trust in yourself and keep moving forward, those little victorys will make you feel so much better about yourself.

    it gives me lots of hope and could not come at a better time. I don’t know if you remember when i came on panicing about ssp and maybe having to go back to work. well i have an interview lined up for a new job in two weeks and am having a back to work interview tomorrow. have been highly anxious since i made this decision and my sleep has already been effected with the odd heart palpatation..

    Natalie I may have posted this too late about your back to work interview, but you will be fine, you are bound to feel a little anxious, anyone would, anxiety or not. I was in the same situation. I had an interview and changed my mind 10 times about going, felt very anxious and then thought, ‘I am bound to feel anxious, anyone would, I feel it a little stronger than most because of my sensitised state’ and I stopped all the shall I, shant I, and just went. I coped fine, I felt a little anxious, but soon got chatting and my anxiety levels dropped and I got the job’. It was only a small part time job, but I went home and was almost skipping, I had not listened to that anxious voice telling me it would end in disaster, I had not given into a little fear, I went straight through and been totally fine, how much confidence this gave me for the future!

    When we feel anxiety, we always tend to fear the worst, exagarate situations, any tinge of anxiety and we don’t see it as normal, we see it as ‘Oh its going to go wrong’ we need to just breeze past this and do it anyway. There is a book that has the title ‘Feel the fear and do it anyway’ and this is so very true, we have been feeling fear since the dawn of time, it is nothing new and can do you no harm and it certainly can’t stop you doing anything. It is far better to live with a little fear than live in it

    but i know deep down if i was not anxious i would be at work as much as i love my boys and have embraced being more of a mum i am not a full time stay at home person. i am scared and have already had the am i doing the right thing but i worked there for 10 years and was fine.. it is only the memory of what happened that holds me back.

    As you embrace being a mum, embrace anxiety to, don’t see it as the big monster trying to hold you back, anxiety only has the power we give it. I remember someone once saying this and it is so very true ‘You must make anxiety your friend in order for you “both” to live in peaceful harmony’

    I felt anxious and fearful for a while and just kept going here there and everywhere, not once did it stop me doing so, not once did anything happen, I was in charge, not the way I felt, it just became the slight annoyance in the background and hardly registered. And you are so right, it is memory of what happened and how you felt holding you back, it may feel odd when you go back, you probably will feel a little anxious, but accept and be o.k with that, don’t view it as anything more than to be expected. In time things will become so much easier, you are going back with a new understanding, a new attitude. I have am sure you will find it far easier than expected and you will come home with a smile on your face that it was not as bad as you expected and you feel a sense of pride for going.

    in fact my friend just said to me are you sure .. i don’t want to see you ill again.. and i started to doubt again. so your post has made me see that i have to do this just take it day by day.. don’t pressure myself .. try not to doubt but accept i will have days like this and move forward.. i don’t want to hide away anymore .. and even thought i have been feeling lots more in control and going out with friends and stuff i need to take the next step. would love your response if you get time and how you dealt with the doubt when you returned to work cos after 10 years am sure it was not an easy ride. thankyou again paul heres to keeping positive xxx

    The best part of what you said above is below,

    try not to doubt but accept i will have days like this and move forward

    So true Natalie, trust me Natalie you will be fine in anything you do, I have yet to have anyone come back and say ‘I did not cope’, but so many who said ‘I did it Paul, it went far better than I expected’ the excitement in their voices is infectious and the exact way I felt when I acheived something against my instinct. Do come back and let me know how it went.

    Paul

  20. Paul David (Admin) 22nd October 2010 at 12:13 pm - Reply

    Hi Natalie I do remember you yes, here is your post split up.

    hi paul
    may i be the first to congradulate you on a wonderful explaination.. it sounds so simple but we all know the hard work that you would have put into that xx

    When I write something and I no longer suffer it sounds easy to me, but I only have to put myself back all those years and I remember it could be difficult at times, esp in the early days, but trust me Natalie it gets so much easier and please do trust in yourself and keep moving forward, those little victorys will make you feel so much better about yourself.

    it gives me lots of hope and could not come at a better time. I don’t know if you remember when i came on panicing about ssp and maybe having to go back to work. well i have an interview lined up for a new job in two weeks and am having a back to work interview tomorrow. have been highly anxious since i made this decision and my sleep has already been effected with the odd heart palpatation..

    Natalie I may have posted this too late about your back to work interview, but you will be fine, you are bound to feel a little anxious, anyone would, anxiety or not. I was in the same situation. I had an interview and changed my mind 10 times about going, felt very anxious and then thought, ‘I am bound to feel anxious, anyone would, I feel it a little stronger than most because of my sensitised state’ and I stopped all the shall I, shant I, and just went. I coped fine, I felt a little anxious, but soon got chatting and my anxiety levels dropped and I got the job’. It was only a small part time job, but I went home and was almost skipping, I had not listened to that anxious voice telling me it would end in disaster, I had not given into a little fear, I went straight through and been totally fine, how much confidence this gave me for the future!

    When we feel anxiety, we always tend to fear the worst, exagarate situations, any tinge of anxiety and we don’t see it as normal, we see it as ‘Oh its going to go wrong’ we need to just breeze past this and do it anyway. There is a book that has the title ‘Feel the fear and do it anyway’ and this is so very true, we have been feeling fear since the dawn of time, it is nothing new and can do you no harm and it certainly can’t stop you doing anything. It is far better to live with a little fear than live in it

    but i know deep down if i was not anxious i would be at work as much as i love my boys and have embraced being more of a mum i am not a full time stay at home person. i am scared and have already had the am i doing the right thing but i worked there for 10 years and was fine.. it is only the memory of what happened that holds me back.

    As you embrace being a mum, embrace anxiety to, don’t see it as the big monster trying to hold you back, anxiety only has the power we give it. I remember someone once saying this and it is so very true ‘You must make anxiety your friend in order for you “both” to live in peaceful harmony’

    I felt anxious and fearful for a while and just kept going here there and everywhere, not once did it stop me doing so, not once did anything happen, I was in charge, not the way I felt, it just became the slight annoyance in the background and hardly registered. And you are so right, it is memory of what happened and how you felt holding you back, it may feel odd when you go back, you probably will feel a little anxious, but accept and be o.k with that, don’t view it as anything more than to be expected. In time things will become so much easier, you are going back with a new understanding, a new attitude. I have am sure you will find it far easier than expected and you will come home with a smile on your face that it was not as bad as you expected and you feel a sense of pride for going.

    in fact my friend just said to me are you sure .. i don’t want to see you ill again.. and i started to doubt again. so your post has made me see that i have to do this just take it day by day.. don’t pressure myself .. try not to doubt but accept i will have days like this and move forward.. i don’t want to hide away anymore .. and even thought i have been feeling lots more in control and going out with friends and stuff i need to take the next step. would love your response if you get time and how you dealt with the doubt when you returned to work cos after 10 years am sure it was not an easy ride. thankyou again paul heres to keeping positive xxx

    The best part of what you said above is below,

    try not to doubt but accept i will have days like this and move forward

    So true Natalie, trust me Natalie you will be fine in anything you do, I have yet to have anyone come back and say ‘I did not cope’, but so many who said ‘I did it Paul, it went far better than I expected’ the excitement in their voices is infectious and the exact way I felt when I acheived something against my instinct. Do come back and let me know how it went.

    Paul

  21. Andre 22nd October 2010 at 1:19 pm - Reply

    What a true story Paul. I didn’t post until recently, but read and grasp every good advice, when i was in a big hole, never ask questions, just take with me the advices from this wonderful community. Deep down I known that i have to be patient if i wish to feel normal again, and so true when you said that this process is so gradual, that we even don’t know we are recovering. Like everyone else i was so impatient to feel normal again,I wished to be well again from next day, but the next day was again rubbish, full of deceptions, until the moment when i realized that to be well again i have to go trough to worst, and so it was.
    I have suffered from anxiety almost two years, and from last year i made so much progress to be where i’m today, recovered or not i don’t know (but i don’t care), but not preoccupied about recovery at all. I certainly know my mind get settled, and have not setbacks from a good period of time, and even if i’ll have i would not bothered at all, because what healed once, would heal again.

  22. Andre 22nd October 2010 at 1:19 pm - Reply

    What a true story Paul. I didn’t post until recently, but read and grasp every good advice, when i was in a big hole, never ask questions, just take with me the advices from this wonderful community. Deep down I known that i have to be patient if i wish to feel normal again, and so true when you said that this process is so gradual, that we even don’t know we are recovering. Like everyone else i was so impatient to feel normal again,I wished to be well again from next day, but the next day was again rubbish, full of deceptions, until the moment when i realized that to be well again i have to go trough to worst, and so it was.
    I have suffered from anxiety almost two years, and from last year i made so much progress to be where i’m today, recovered or not i don’t know (but i don’t care), but not preoccupied about recovery at all. I certainly know my mind get settled, and have not setbacks from a good period of time, and even if i’ll have i would not bothered at all, because what healed once, would heal again.

  23. jess 22nd October 2010 at 9:53 pm - Reply

    just flying by, wise words once again paul! Im doing very well recently and i want to thank you once again for all your fantastic advice…..

    Take care

    Jess

  24. jess 22nd October 2010 at 9:53 pm - Reply

    just flying by, wise words once again paul! Im doing very well recently and i want to thank you once again for all your fantastic advice…..

    Take care

    Jess

  25. Michelle 23rd October 2010 at 1:46 am - Reply

    I am from the US and just ordered your book a few days ago. I will be so glad to read it. Right now I am scared, worried, and alone. That’s the biggest thing. I feel so alone. I have suffered with anxiety and panic off and on since I was 15 years old. I am now 39. It’s been several years since I have had panic attacks and the more intense anxiety, but it has returned stronger than ever. I am not scared to go out socially. Actually, I crave social interaction. Most of the time I am isolated in my home because I don’t have a job, and times are tight right now. I’m sorry I’m blabbering on. I just don’t have a support system that I can release my feelings to and have not learned yet how to deal with this. I am just so tired.

  26. Michelle 23rd October 2010 at 1:46 am - Reply

    I am from the US and just ordered your book a few days ago. I will be so glad to read it. Right now I am scared, worried, and alone. That’s the biggest thing. I feel so alone. I have suffered with anxiety and panic off and on since I was 15 years old. I am now 39. It’s been several years since I have had panic attacks and the more intense anxiety, but it has returned stronger than ever. I am not scared to go out socially. Actually, I crave social interaction. Most of the time I am isolated in my home because I don’t have a job, and times are tight right now. I’m sorry I’m blabbering on. I just don’t have a support system that I can release my feelings to and have not learned yet how to deal with this. I am just so tired.

  27. ClaireSB 23rd October 2010 at 7:04 am - Reply

    Hi Paul
    Great post, it is so well timed for me, i have been doing brilliantly since June time had a rough few months before that but been doing great and had felt better than ever for most of the time. All of a sudden last week the old symptoms reared there head and had a bit of a up and down week, we are away this weekend and it hasnt been easy but i have kept on doing the things i normally would do without letting the horrible feelings get in the way. i know that they may stay with me now on and off for a while but hey thats life and as you say proof i am recovering as a few months ago i was constantly down in the dumps. Thanks again and i do keep coming back to this place for support and to keep updated on everyones progress. take care all, Claire

  28. ClaireSB 23rd October 2010 at 7:04 am - Reply

    Hi Paul
    Great post, it is so well timed for me, i have been doing brilliantly since June time had a rough few months before that but been doing great and had felt better than ever for most of the time. All of a sudden last week the old symptoms reared there head and had a bit of a up and down week, we are away this weekend and it hasnt been easy but i have kept on doing the things i normally would do without letting the horrible feelings get in the way. i know that they may stay with me now on and off for a while but hey thats life and as you say proof i am recovering as a few months ago i was constantly down in the dumps. Thanks again and i do keep coming back to this place for support and to keep updated on everyones progress. take care all, Claire

  29. natalie 23rd October 2010 at 10:09 am - Reply

    hi paul
    thankyou so much for your response….well.. i went and i loved it… i sat chatting to all my old work friends and they welcomed me as normal like nothing had changed the new boss is lovely and everyone has said the snd i came out smiling and glad i did it.. my back to work date is the 1st nov and i am looking forward to it.. obviously the anxiety still there as i woke this am had a little heart palpation.. and my mind started racing but i know this is probably because i am pushing the boundary again :).. its a little tiring but today i am just gonna have a lazy saturday making pumpkin lights with my boys and doing the usual.
    the only thiing that is niggling me is that when i wake at 3.30 .. still and cannot get to sleep .. tried the just accept maybe a symptom and lay in bed but it builds cos i end up arguing with myself (sounds daft i know) cos my head going on about what i need to do to get through this and then i am like oh just shut up lol .. i would have said sounds mad but i know that we all have this from time to time. think will just get up outta bed in future and read a book or listen to some music or something??!!! sound a good idea??? this is the only thing at the min cos i love my beauty sleep ..:) xxx
    speak soon and some positive posts today .. we are all doing fine there is no right or wrong only belief in yourself that you can cope and trust that it will ease in time … heres to a good week for everyone xxxx

  30. natalie 23rd October 2010 at 10:09 am - Reply

    hi paul
    thankyou so much for your response….well.. i went and i loved it… i sat chatting to all my old work friends and they welcomed me as normal like nothing had changed the new boss is lovely and everyone has said the snd i came out smiling and glad i did it.. my back to work date is the 1st nov and i am looking forward to it.. obviously the anxiety still there as i woke this am had a little heart palpation.. and my mind started racing but i know this is probably because i am pushing the boundary again :).. its a little tiring but today i am just gonna have a lazy saturday making pumpkin lights with my boys and doing the usual.
    the only thiing that is niggling me is that when i wake at 3.30 .. still and cannot get to sleep .. tried the just accept maybe a symptom and lay in bed but it builds cos i end up arguing with myself (sounds daft i know) cos my head going on about what i need to do to get through this and then i am like oh just shut up lol .. i would have said sounds mad but i know that we all have this from time to time. think will just get up outta bed in future and read a book or listen to some music or something??!!! sound a good idea??? this is the only thing at the min cos i love my beauty sleep ..:) xxx
    speak soon and some positive posts today .. we are all doing fine there is no right or wrong only belief in yourself that you can cope and trust that it will ease in time … heres to a good week for everyone xxxx

  31. sally 23rd October 2010 at 3:26 pm - Reply

    Thankyou Paul for a brilliant post it has encouraged me no end.I have had my anxiety problems for many years but with your help now understand about memory and habit which I have loads of.Iam sure I am improving as I have good and bad days now instead of completely bad ones.Again Thankyou Sally

  32. sally 23rd October 2010 at 3:26 pm - Reply

    Thankyou Paul for a brilliant post it has encouraged me no end.I have had my anxiety problems for many years but with your help now understand about memory and habit which I have loads of.Iam sure I am improving as I have good and bad days now instead of completely bad ones.Again Thankyou Sally

  33. Emma Clark 24th October 2010 at 2:36 am - Reply

    Hello, i had written something before, but cant find it anywhere so ill write it again briefly as all i need is encouragement and reassurance, the rest im fine.. so i had dp about 5 years ago for 2 and a half years ive been recovered for a few years now, i had it 24/7 anyway i found my way out through what made sense to me and going by my inner guidance aswell as reading things.. it seems though that dp can be abit complex and i read something almost a year ago now that this girl had dp and anxiety and continued to get it on and off.. i didnt understand this and then i started imagining the worst even though i have common sense and knew everything that got me better i began to get obsessed with understanding.. now i do realise that perhaps she had it mild and everyone is different.. her life was not teh same as mine but i just need that extra reassurance.. life is hard without it, i suppose me thinking about this went on for a while then it had build up a habit of remembering dp.. and then things just spiral out of control and its hurt me alot because anyone who has ever recovered from dp knows the bliss and freedom and to even go back to thinking about it is uncomfortable and i need to move foward.. i realise that anxiety has played tricks.. once u go into a thought its harder to move out and move foward i feel like ive done well but latly i just cant stop thinking about things and i felt like i should post this because i was obsessing weather or not to get reassurance and i cant decide and it just keeps me there.. so here iam, i hope paul can answer me and just guide me foward with some words of inpsiration and encouragement is all i need, i can do the rest.. should i obsess over getting this encouragement, because i still think i should go to a pysc and just let it out.. but it keeps me there, i have all the ingrediants ready to trust myself and go with it but i guess i have this voice nagging me that i should do everything i can to help myself. the longer this goes on the longer i cant move foward.. and the thinking goes on.. please help.

  34. Emma Clark 24th October 2010 at 2:36 am - Reply

    Hello, i had written something before, but cant find it anywhere so ill write it again briefly as all i need is encouragement and reassurance, the rest im fine.. so i had dp about 5 years ago for 2 and a half years ive been recovered for a few years now, i had it 24/7 anyway i found my way out through what made sense to me and going by my inner guidance aswell as reading things.. it seems though that dp can be abit complex and i read something almost a year ago now that this girl had dp and anxiety and continued to get it on and off.. i didnt understand this and then i started imagining the worst even though i have common sense and knew everything that got me better i began to get obsessed with understanding.. now i do realise that perhaps she had it mild and everyone is different.. her life was not teh same as mine but i just need that extra reassurance.. life is hard without it, i suppose me thinking about this went on for a while then it had build up a habit of remembering dp.. and then things just spiral out of control and its hurt me alot because anyone who has ever recovered from dp knows the bliss and freedom and to even go back to thinking about it is uncomfortable and i need to move foward.. i realise that anxiety has played tricks.. once u go into a thought its harder to move out and move foward i feel like ive done well but latly i just cant stop thinking about things and i felt like i should post this because i was obsessing weather or not to get reassurance and i cant decide and it just keeps me there.. so here iam, i hope paul can answer me and just guide me foward with some words of inpsiration and encouragement is all i need, i can do the rest.. should i obsess over getting this encouragement, because i still think i should go to a pysc and just let it out.. but it keeps me there, i have all the ingrediants ready to trust myself and go with it but i guess i have this voice nagging me that i should do everything i can to help myself. the longer this goes on the longer i cant move foward.. and the thinking goes on.. please help.

  35. Michelle M 24th October 2010 at 8:18 am - Reply

    Hi everyone, Firstly i would like to say what a great post Paul, Very encouraging! I have posted a few times on here & throughout my anxiety, which is now just over a year, have had ups & downs. I so agree with what Paul mentions about recovery being a gradual process. I would put it as being like peeling an onion, it’s like a layer process. Somedays i have good days & others bad, but i just try to get on with the bad days as best as i possibly can. I find that the anxiety tends to happen when i’m away from familiar territory & that makes me feel uneasy. Yesterday i went to have a meeting with a lady about a job, however the meeting was informal, i still felt very nervous & that made the anxiety quite bad.As i have been out of work for 4 years now, due to having my little one. I had quite a bad anxiety attack on the way there, as i was feeling apprehensive about the job, ie: Would i be able to hold down a job at the moment with the anxiety, etc….. Although deep down i know that the way forward is to get back out there again & interact with people on a daily basis, & that getting back to work could be the best therapy for me, i still feel incredibly anxious at the thought of going back to work. The good news is, i was offered the job & I’m due to start on the 1st of Nov. But since I’ve been having anxious thoughts, I’m not sure if i’m being too ambitious, in returning to work. I just don’t know what to do right now? Some symptoms have eased a bit, where as others, like the racing thoughts Dp & Dr are still there at times. Just a question for anyone on here. Does anyone experience mental overload? where as you think about anything & everything all at one time like nothing makes sense & seems alien,like your brain is going to explode! it sounds crazy i know, but this is one symptom i seem to be getting a lot of latley. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. It’s so good to see that people on here are making strides in their recovery. It does give me hope, that one day, i too will be free from anxiety.

  36. Michelle M 24th October 2010 at 8:18 am - Reply

    Hi everyone, Firstly i would like to say what a great post Paul, Very encouraging! I have posted a few times on here & throughout my anxiety, which is now just over a year, have had ups & downs. I so agree with what Paul mentions about recovery being a gradual process. I would put it as being like peeling an onion, it’s like a layer process. Somedays i have good days & others bad, but i just try to get on with the bad days as best as i possibly can. I find that the anxiety tends to happen when i’m away from familiar territory & that makes me feel uneasy. Yesterday i went to have a meeting with a lady about a job, however the meeting was informal, i still felt very nervous & that made the anxiety quite bad.As i have been out of work for 4 years now, due to having my little one. I had quite a bad anxiety attack on the way there, as i was feeling apprehensive about the job, ie: Would i be able to hold down a job at the moment with the anxiety, etc….. Although deep down i know that the way forward is to get back out there again & interact with people on a daily basis, & that getting back to work could be the best therapy for me, i still feel incredibly anxious at the thought of going back to work. The good news is, i was offered the job & I’m due to start on the 1st of Nov. But since I’ve been having anxious thoughts, I’m not sure if i’m being too ambitious, in returning to work. I just don’t know what to do right now? Some symptoms have eased a bit, where as others, like the racing thoughts Dp & Dr are still there at times. Just a question for anyone on here. Does anyone experience mental overload? where as you think about anything & everything all at one time like nothing makes sense & seems alien,like your brain is going to explode! it sounds crazy i know, but this is one symptom i seem to be getting a lot of latley. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. It’s so good to see that people on here are making strides in their recovery. It does give me hope, that one day, i too will be free from anxiety.

  37. Michelle Z 24th October 2010 at 1:32 pm - Reply

    Hi Paul – Thanks for your great book and helpful website! I bought and read your book yesterday. It helped a great deal. I do have one question: Near the end of the book, you told health care professionals and those stressed by their jobs to take a break from it. My company was recently taken over by another company and the job is so stressful!! There is no way I can take off, but believe me, I have thought about it. Is it possible to still get over this without taking time off? I’ve been trying to take more time for myself, but it hasn’t helped my body to calm down. And I know I haven’t been accepting of all the awful feelings. So I am being hopeful that with acceptance and time, this will get better. Please confirm. And thanks again for all you do!

  38. Michelle Z 24th October 2010 at 1:32 pm - Reply

    Hi Paul – Thanks for your great book and helpful website! I bought and read your book yesterday. It helped a great deal. I do have one question: Near the end of the book, you told health care professionals and those stressed by their jobs to take a break from it. My company was recently taken over by another company and the job is so stressful!! There is no way I can take off, but believe me, I have thought about it. Is it possible to still get over this without taking time off? I’ve been trying to take more time for myself, but it hasn’t helped my body to calm down. And I know I haven’t been accepting of all the awful feelings. So I am being hopeful that with acceptance and time, this will get better. Please confirm. And thanks again for all you do!

  39. Rebekka 24th October 2010 at 11:20 pm - Reply

    Hi Guys, Thanks to you paul for the above comments regarding how long it can take to recover.
    Michelle, it sounds like because of all the racing thoughts that you have been experiencing, your body and brain is just completely tired and thats why you feel like yor brain is going to explode. The added stress with thoughts around wheter to go back to work must be adding to that stress which then feeds the anxiety which then adds to you having so many thoughts coming in and out of ur mind. I tend to have intrusive/ negative thoughts which can be really really tough as i always think of the worst senario, i have now trained myself to just relax and just let my thoughts come in and out without giving them too much energy. I recently started thinking should i be working when i am having bad days, then i thought to myself well i have been working for years, i have a good professional job and this job gives me freedom, new relationships and a place where i don’t need to be worrying about myself day in day out. It may be very scary just the thought of going back to work but i’m sure you will get alot out of it. I have decided to join the gym and started exercising like i used to and have also managed to get the boyfriend to come which if you knew him is a massive achievement :0) But i think the adrenaline which i have just sitting could be released by exercising and just having fun.
    Becca x

  40. Rebekka 24th October 2010 at 11:20 pm - Reply

    Hi Guys, Thanks to you paul for the above comments regarding how long it can take to recover.
    Michelle, it sounds like because of all the racing thoughts that you have been experiencing, your body and brain is just completely tired and thats why you feel like yor brain is going to explode. The added stress with thoughts around wheter to go back to work must be adding to that stress which then feeds the anxiety which then adds to you having so many thoughts coming in and out of ur mind. I tend to have intrusive/ negative thoughts which can be really really tough as i always think of the worst senario, i have now trained myself to just relax and just let my thoughts come in and out without giving them too much energy. I recently started thinking should i be working when i am having bad days, then i thought to myself well i have been working for years, i have a good professional job and this job gives me freedom, new relationships and a place where i don’t need to be worrying about myself day in day out. It may be very scary just the thought of going back to work but i’m sure you will get alot out of it. I have decided to join the gym and started exercising like i used to and have also managed to get the boyfriend to come which if you knew him is a massive achievement :0) But i think the adrenaline which i have just sitting could be released by exercising and just having fun.
    Becca x

  41. sasha 25th October 2010 at 8:00 am - Reply

    Hi Paul, Scarlet, Diana…and anyone…

    i am in a position wherein with my mindframe i dont feel any enthusiasm…i feel rather dull all the time..dont know what exactly is taking away my enthusiasm?

    so i push myself around to do everything..as if m a different entity from my mind..anyways i can carry on with what i ‘should’ do..as i know those things ahd to be done..but things like talking to a friend or simply mailing someone doesnt come from within as i feel i have nothing to put across..hence i dont feel like simply be a listener as well..how do i motivate to initiate myself to talk to someone…

    always there used to be a thought that used to put me down..i wont be able to make it..why bother..and i used to make it true..not going there..when i had this terrible anxiety tahts when i went against my instincts and felt really good wherein i felt i ahd the capacity to do what i want irrespective of my mood swings..now bak to my old self..no anxiety but dullness and passiveness to teh core ..not able to convince myself that i can do…mind overtaking me…infact.. but no issues with doing my daily chores…

    anyone experiencing the same?…i can make myself call up someone n talk but its like my mind is adamant making me feel that i wont enjoy and i will be a passive listener..i dont feel anxious but its teh extreme dullness i feel..m not able to overcome that..i guess to make ourselves believe that for the time being it wil be like that so not to expect any good feeling to arise and hence keep doing..thats talking to people even if it doesnt interests me..i guess by then the power the low mood has on me making me avoid things will lessen..

    anyone …any suggestions u hav on this…?

  42. sasha 25th October 2010 at 8:00 am - Reply

    Hi Paul, Scarlet, Diana…and anyone…

    i am in a position wherein with my mindframe i dont feel any enthusiasm…i feel rather dull all the time..dont know what exactly is taking away my enthusiasm?

    so i push myself around to do everything..as if m a different entity from my mind..anyways i can carry on with what i ‘should’ do..as i know those things ahd to be done..but things like talking to a friend or simply mailing someone doesnt come from within as i feel i have nothing to put across..hence i dont feel like simply be a listener as well..how do i motivate to initiate myself to talk to someone…

    always there used to be a thought that used to put me down..i wont be able to make it..why bother..and i used to make it true..not going there..when i had this terrible anxiety tahts when i went against my instincts and felt really good wherein i felt i ahd the capacity to do what i want irrespective of my mood swings..now bak to my old self..no anxiety but dullness and passiveness to teh core ..not able to convince myself that i can do…mind overtaking me…infact.. but no issues with doing my daily chores…

    anyone experiencing the same?…i can make myself call up someone n talk but its like my mind is adamant making me feel that i wont enjoy and i will be a passive listener..i dont feel anxious but its teh extreme dullness i feel..m not able to overcome that..i guess to make ourselves believe that for the time being it wil be like that so not to expect any good feeling to arise and hence keep doing..thats talking to people even if it doesnt interests me..i guess by then the power the low mood has on me making me avoid things will lessen..

    anyone …any suggestions u hav on this…?

  43. sasha 25th October 2010 at 8:36 am - Reply

    thanks Paul for the wonderful post…!!!

    does the self doubt be there till the end? ..whenever doing something or saying something …always my mind gets another strong negative voice coming inbetween to steal my happiness..sometimes i dont have the courage to move on as i think what if something happens if i dont listen to it…? making me so indecisive..
    i guess keep going, keep moving untill u get it right is the only key to it right?

  44. sasha 25th October 2010 at 8:36 am - Reply

    thanks Paul for the wonderful post…!!!

    does the self doubt be there till the end? ..whenever doing something or saying something …always my mind gets another strong negative voice coming inbetween to steal my happiness..sometimes i dont have the courage to move on as i think what if something happens if i dont listen to it…? making me so indecisive..
    i guess keep going, keep moving untill u get it right is the only key to it right?

  45. Caron 25th October 2010 at 11:13 am - Reply

    Thanks for the post Paul,

    I am trying to practice the mind set of ‘its ok to feel like this’ and tell myself there are many people in the world that are far worse off than myself.

    One thing I struggle with is the ‘how am i going to feel later or tomorrow’ etc. Eg in an evening I can be quite relaxed but then I think ‘oh no how am i going to feel tomorrow’ and am then filled with dread. I spose it is because I know the mornings etc are usually worst and is just habit but I just wondered if anyone had any tips on dealing with these thoughts or had anything similar?

    Thanks
    Caron

  46. Caron 25th October 2010 at 11:13 am - Reply

    Thanks for the post Paul,

    I am trying to practice the mind set of ‘its ok to feel like this’ and tell myself there are many people in the world that are far worse off than myself.

    One thing I struggle with is the ‘how am i going to feel later or tomorrow’ etc. Eg in an evening I can be quite relaxed but then I think ‘oh no how am i going to feel tomorrow’ and am then filled with dread. I spose it is because I know the mornings etc are usually worst and is just habit but I just wondered if anyone had any tips on dealing with these thoughts or had anything similar?

    Thanks
    Caron

  47. Victor 25th October 2010 at 12:11 pm - Reply

    Hello everyone,

    I hope everyone is doing well, its been awhile since I have posted. I have been having a rough time lately. For those of you who remember, I was doing very well for a few months last year into the beginning of this year. I honestly thought I was recovered, but it turned out I was not fully recovered and have now been in a set back since February of this year.

    I am posting because at times it feels like I am doing pretty good. My biggest issue (again) are the odd thoughts i get, usually about my daughter. Sometimes I feel like I am doing a good job of just letting the thoughts flow, but then sometimes I will let one get to me and let it set me back more than it should.

    For instance, yesterday I had one of the best days I have had recently, my mind was flowing, anxiety hardly ever crossed my mind and I hardly had any odd thoughts about my daughter. Then at some point in the evening I got a thought that just really bothered me and it sent me into a cycle of worrying and thinking about my anxiety, my mind ended up racing most of the night and this morning obviously anxiety it still on my mind.

    My question is what is the best way to handle this kind of situation? My biggest issue has been having a great day, but then at some point letting one thought get to me and just send me down the road of worrying and thinking about anxiety. Thats why I am back here in the first place, I had been doing well for MONTHS then one day I let something get to me and it send me down this path again.

  48. Victor 25th October 2010 at 12:11 pm - Reply

    Hello everyone,

    I hope everyone is doing well, its been awhile since I have posted. I have been having a rough time lately. For those of you who remember, I was doing very well for a few months last year into the beginning of this year. I honestly thought I was recovered, but it turned out I was not fully recovered and have now been in a set back since February of this year.

    I am posting because at times it feels like I am doing pretty good. My biggest issue (again) are the odd thoughts i get, usually about my daughter. Sometimes I feel like I am doing a good job of just letting the thoughts flow, but then sometimes I will let one get to me and let it set me back more than it should.

    For instance, yesterday I had one of the best days I have had recently, my mind was flowing, anxiety hardly ever crossed my mind and I hardly had any odd thoughts about my daughter. Then at some point in the evening I got a thought that just really bothered me and it sent me into a cycle of worrying and thinking about my anxiety, my mind ended up racing most of the night and this morning obviously anxiety it still on my mind.

    My question is what is the best way to handle this kind of situation? My biggest issue has been having a great day, but then at some point letting one thought get to me and just send me down the road of worrying and thinking about anxiety. Thats why I am back here in the first place, I had been doing well for MONTHS then one day I let something get to me and it send me down this path again.

  49. lesley 25th October 2010 at 12:42 pm - Reply

    i dont often post on here, just sorta of read and take it all in, if some of you re read your posts many of us answer the questions to what were asking in what weve written if you know what i mean,its as if we all know what we need to do but to actually live alongside these stress induced symptoms is easier said than done, ive suffered for 3 years now but since finding this wonderful site have seen brilliant improvements since june, its great what “doing nothing” can do, alot harder than it sounds but it really is helping, its always easier to advise other people rather than do it yourself but you need to keep thinking positive, improvement for me is good enough at the mo, i know im on the right track! (ask me again at the end of half term and i might be different lol) and caron did you see i wrote “at the mo”, try not to look ahead to much worrying about tomorrow, been there done that, its as if we worry about situations and it sort of sets us up to have a bad morning because weve told our minds/bodies that were suppose to? bloody nasty habit this anxiety malarky isnt it but one were all break!! x

    lesley xxx

  50. lesley 25th October 2010 at 12:42 pm - Reply

    i dont often post on here, just sorta of read and take it all in, if some of you re read your posts many of us answer the questions to what were asking in what weve written if you know what i mean,its as if we all know what we need to do but to actually live alongside these stress induced symptoms is easier said than done, ive suffered for 3 years now but since finding this wonderful site have seen brilliant improvements since june, its great what “doing nothing” can do, alot harder than it sounds but it really is helping, its always easier to advise other people rather than do it yourself but you need to keep thinking positive, improvement for me is good enough at the mo, i know im on the right track! (ask me again at the end of half term and i might be different lol) and caron did you see i wrote “at the mo”, try not to look ahead to much worrying about tomorrow, been there done that, its as if we worry about situations and it sort of sets us up to have a bad morning because weve told our minds/bodies that were suppose to? bloody nasty habit this anxiety malarky isnt it but one were all break!! x

    lesley xxx

  51. Victor 25th October 2010 at 1:02 pm - Reply

    I have a question that will help me a lot if someone could answer it. These odd thoughts I have, are they the anxiety? or my worrying about them and letting them get to me the anxiety?

    The thoughts are just random odd thoughts that I let bother me. They are not scary thoughts, just odd thoughts that often make no sense. The next day I usually cannot recall the full thought, just bits and pieces of the thought. I feel they come out of habit, and the anxiety part is me worrying about them. I worry more about the thoughts and why I get them than I actually get the thoughts. hope this makes sense, anyone who could help me understand I would really appreciate it.

  52. Victor 25th October 2010 at 1:02 pm - Reply

    I have a question that will help me a lot if someone could answer it. These odd thoughts I have, are they the anxiety? or my worrying about them and letting them get to me the anxiety?

    The thoughts are just random odd thoughts that I let bother me. They are not scary thoughts, just odd thoughts that often make no sense. The next day I usually cannot recall the full thought, just bits and pieces of the thought. I feel they come out of habit, and the anxiety part is me worrying about them. I worry more about the thoughts and why I get them than I actually get the thoughts. hope this makes sense, anyone who could help me understand I would really appreciate it.

  53. sally 25th October 2010 at 4:26 pm - Reply

    Hi Caron
    I know what you mean when relaxed{not often}I immediately question how long will it last? and what will tomorrow be like? a sort of self destruct of the good time and then having thought it the tension and anxiety return.Just wanted to let you know you are not alone in this habit and habit is what it is.All the best Sally

  54. sally 25th October 2010 at 4:26 pm - Reply

    Hi Caron
    I know what you mean when relaxed{not often}I immediately question how long will it last? and what will tomorrow be like? a sort of self destruct of the good time and then having thought it the tension and anxiety return.Just wanted to let you know you are not alone in this habit and habit is what it is.All the best Sally

  55. Rebekka 25th October 2010 at 4:33 pm - Reply

    Helllo Everybody,
    Just had a read through the posts, it looks as though some of you go through exactly what i do when my anxiety is at it’s worst. I must say it’s the hardest thing in the world and i do sometimes wish that Anxiety at this level wasn’t apart of me but it is and it has made me think that people experiencing this aswell must stay strong and talk about there feelings/ thoughts etc otherwise you can get yourself in a right pickle.

    I personally find it really hard at times because my partner is a doctor and a very sweet person, he knows i suffer with anxiety but i havn’t been able to talk to him about the odd thoughts i sometimes get as i sometimes feel ashamed and embarrashed and not sure how he will react or feel if i told him. I know it’s probably best to talk to him about it but i just can’t. Can anybody relate to this and have you any ideas how to explain this to your partner/close friend??

    I am starting Therapy soon because i think someone outside the family may give me some good advive and ways to deal with this. I have always been a anxious person butafter having a bad experience it brought out all these negative thoughts. They went away for a good while but recently they have started to reapper, i find it very frustrating at times. One day there the next day gone, that’s why i see the importance of just letting it happen and not give it too much energy, but when your a very sensitive person like me it is easier said then done.

    Hi Victor, just read your post. I can relate to what your saying, it is so hard having an unpleasant/ negative thought around someone you love but you know it’s not real and it’s just your anxiety trying to release itself. I always ask why and how could i think something like that but i guess everybody has thoughts negative/positive just sitting in our unconscious mind but when your an anxious individual you grab a hold of those thoughts and analyse them. Victor, I think anxiety can be different for each individual but i personally find going out and doing things or having a look back through Paul’s book does help. I also think exercise can help aswell, even if it feels hard and tiring, it may help you sleep- that’s why i have just joined the gym. Also you need to remember how well you did before, it sounds like the thoughts still scar you alot but if you just except them and train your brain to do that, they wont feel as stong and scary. I know how hard it can be though but stay strong :0) Becca x

  56. Rebekka 25th October 2010 at 4:33 pm - Reply

    Helllo Everybody,
    Just had a read through the posts, it looks as though some of you go through exactly what i do when my anxiety is at it’s worst. I must say it’s the hardest thing in the world and i do sometimes wish that Anxiety at this level wasn’t apart of me but it is and it has made me think that people experiencing this aswell must stay strong and talk about there feelings/ thoughts etc otherwise you can get yourself in a right pickle.

    I personally find it really hard at times because my partner is a doctor and a very sweet person, he knows i suffer with anxiety but i havn’t been able to talk to him about the odd thoughts i sometimes get as i sometimes feel ashamed and embarrashed and not sure how he will react or feel if i told him. I know it’s probably best to talk to him about it but i just can’t. Can anybody relate to this and have you any ideas how to explain this to your partner/close friend??

    I am starting Therapy soon because i think someone outside the family may give me some good advive and ways to deal with this. I have always been a anxious person butafter having a bad experience it brought out all these negative thoughts. They went away for a good while but recently they have started to reapper, i find it very frustrating at times. One day there the next day gone, that’s why i see the importance of just letting it happen and not give it too much energy, but when your a very sensitive person like me it is easier said then done.

    Hi Victor, just read your post. I can relate to what your saying, it is so hard having an unpleasant/ negative thought around someone you love but you know it’s not real and it’s just your anxiety trying to release itself. I always ask why and how could i think something like that but i guess everybody has thoughts negative/positive just sitting in our unconscious mind but when your an anxious individual you grab a hold of those thoughts and analyse them. Victor, I think anxiety can be different for each individual but i personally find going out and doing things or having a look back through Paul’s book does help. I also think exercise can help aswell, even if it feels hard and tiring, it may help you sleep- that’s why i have just joined the gym. Also you need to remember how well you did before, it sounds like the thoughts still scar you alot but if you just except them and train your brain to do that, they wont feel as stong and scary. I know how hard it can be though but stay strong :0) Becca x

  57. ross 25th October 2010 at 4:54 pm - Reply

    hey everyone

    i recently told my girlfriend, mum and best mate what ive been going through and i visited my gp . after this i had my best week ever 🙂 but the last few days have felt my anxiety creeping back . so frustrating at times .

    i need some help regarding some thoughts ive been getting and if anyone else has had them.

    i keep thinkin im not in control of my body?? and find it weird we can move without thinking about it? sounds crazy i know haha

    i also get moments that i feel trapped in my body????
    and i also feel as if this is 1 big knightmare ill never get out of ???

    these totally throw me completely .

    can someone give me some advice.

    i also always think to myself wats caused this ???

  58. ross 25th October 2010 at 4:54 pm - Reply

    hey everyone

    i recently told my girlfriend, mum and best mate what ive been going through and i visited my gp . after this i had my best week ever 🙂 but the last few days have felt my anxiety creeping back . so frustrating at times .

    i need some help regarding some thoughts ive been getting and if anyone else has had them.

    i keep thinkin im not in control of my body?? and find it weird we can move without thinking about it? sounds crazy i know haha

    i also get moments that i feel trapped in my body????
    and i also feel as if this is 1 big knightmare ill never get out of ???

    these totally throw me completely .

    can someone give me some advice.

    i also always think to myself wats caused this ???

  59. sasha 25th October 2010 at 5:49 pm - Reply

    Hello everyone..

    has anyone read the book ‘feel the fear and do it anyways’ ?
    how is the book? is it helpful? is it too technical or in simple words..would like to know what the book is all about?
    after Paul’s book, the book which really helped me was stop thinking and start living by richard carlson…

  60. sasha 25th October 2010 at 5:49 pm - Reply

    Hello everyone..

    has anyone read the book ‘feel the fear and do it anyways’ ?
    how is the book? is it helpful? is it too technical or in simple words..would like to know what the book is all about?
    after Paul’s book, the book which really helped me was stop thinking and start living by richard carlson…

  61. Jen 26th October 2010 at 10:05 am - Reply

    Hi Paul,

    I am new to this site but I have to say your book is brilliant.

    I would like to know if it is normal to be afraid of thinking awful thoughts. My anxiety stemmed from thinking a scary word and then associating it with people. It then stemmed on to various other scary thoughts. What usually happens is I worry about thinking a scary thought and then I do. Then I worry that the thought will stay with me and then it does. Then when it does I get even more scared because I think I am awful. I know these thougts mean nothing but when they leave, its like my mind decides to look for something else awful to think about. How to I break this cycle?

    I had this 4 years ago and was fine for 2 years but it just came back there a while ago. I find it so difficult because I am a very sensitive person and evn thinking anything bad upsets me. I know I can get out of this as I did the last time but I just wonder why it never bothered me during the 2 years and now Im suddenly terrified of every bad thought/word my mind thinks up. Its like my mind just grabs hold of any scary/irrational thought and makes me worry.

    I want to laugh at these thoughts and not let them control me. But it can be difficult when they are always on my mind. Can you help.

    Thank you vey much,

    Jen

  62. Jen 26th October 2010 at 10:05 am - Reply

    Hi Paul,

    I am new to this site but I have to say your book is brilliant.

    I would like to know if it is normal to be afraid of thinking awful thoughts. My anxiety stemmed from thinking a scary word and then associating it with people. It then stemmed on to various other scary thoughts. What usually happens is I worry about thinking a scary thought and then I do. Then I worry that the thought will stay with me and then it does. Then when it does I get even more scared because I think I am awful. I know these thougts mean nothing but when they leave, its like my mind decides to look for something else awful to think about. How to I break this cycle?

    I had this 4 years ago and was fine for 2 years but it just came back there a while ago. I find it so difficult because I am a very sensitive person and evn thinking anything bad upsets me. I know I can get out of this as I did the last time but I just wonder why it never bothered me during the 2 years and now Im suddenly terrified of every bad thought/word my mind thinks up. Its like my mind just grabs hold of any scary/irrational thought and makes me worry.

    I want to laugh at these thoughts and not let them control me. But it can be difficult when they are always on my mind. Can you help.

    Thank you vey much,

    Jen

  63. Si 26th October 2010 at 10:18 am - Reply

    Sasha,

    I will be very honest with you and this is my own personal experience. I Have read “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway” and did not find it too helpfull at all. There are some things in the book that I liken to “Coping Stratergies”. I have lots of books that were recomended by my therapist all of which I purchased and read over and over again!! NOTE…my therapist told me I would never ever be the person I used to be, which used to send me in a panic because thats all I was TRYING TO BE!!

    Sorry… Im going off a little from your original question. I truly believe the only books you need are Pauls and Claire Weekes, because I truly believe that they are the correct method. And the main reason I feel this to be true is because I had my “Breakdown” about 18 months ago and up until finding Pauls site NO-ONE ever explained to me about my symptoms and it was these symptoms that were definatly scareing me. I am not saying that the books don’t work for some, but they sure do push coping stratergies and I don’t thinks we need to cope, we just need to live like we used to.

    YES I get good and bad days, but just very recently I have pushed myself to laugh at my thoughts, do the things I want, don’t worry about my insecurities and I dont care half as much as I did.

    The thing that makes me angry is that if I had found Pauls book way back when… I would not have got into such a mess, but again… why worry about the past. I have a few people I know who also suffer from anxiety and depression and have recommended Paul’s Book and they are amazed just like I am how much both he and the people who write on this blog understand what we are feeling (Wish every Therapist would take a look instead of telling you it stems back from your child hood!!!!!)

    Best of luck to everyone 🙂

    Simon

  64. Si 26th October 2010 at 10:18 am - Reply

    Sasha,

    I will be very honest with you and this is my own personal experience. I Have read “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway” and did not find it too helpfull at all. There are some things in the book that I liken to “Coping Stratergies”. I have lots of books that were recomended by my therapist all of which I purchased and read over and over again!! NOTE…my therapist told me I would never ever be the person I used to be, which used to send me in a panic because thats all I was TRYING TO BE!!

    Sorry… Im going off a little from your original question. I truly believe the only books you need are Pauls and Claire Weekes, because I truly believe that they are the correct method. And the main reason I feel this to be true is because I had my “Breakdown” about 18 months ago and up until finding Pauls site NO-ONE ever explained to me about my symptoms and it was these symptoms that were definatly scareing me. I am not saying that the books don’t work for some, but they sure do push coping stratergies and I don’t thinks we need to cope, we just need to live like we used to.

    YES I get good and bad days, but just very recently I have pushed myself to laugh at my thoughts, do the things I want, don’t worry about my insecurities and I dont care half as much as I did.

    The thing that makes me angry is that if I had found Pauls book way back when… I would not have got into such a mess, but again… why worry about the past. I have a few people I know who also suffer from anxiety and depression and have recommended Paul’s Book and they are amazed just like I am how much both he and the people who write on this blog understand what we are feeling (Wish every Therapist would take a look instead of telling you it stems back from your child hood!!!!!)

    Best of luck to everyone 🙂

    Simon

  65. Caron 26th October 2010 at 10:33 am - Reply

    Thanks Sally, it is such a comfort to hear that. Can you or anybody give me some advice on something else….yesterday I went to my GP just to advise him of how I am feeling at that I am having a “blip”. I said to him I am keen on not having my medication upped ( I am on 30mg of paroxetine) and that I have bought Pauls book etc. Maybe I was really hoping he would up my medication but he totally agreed with me and said that he didn’t want to up it as 30mg is a maintenance dose which will be balancing my serotonin levels so upping it would just act like a placebo. At first I was ok with that but now I am thinking -” oh no, so has the medication worn off?”, “was it me that got me better before or was it the tablets? And if it was the tablets and they aren’t working anymore how am I ever going to get better?”. Can anyone relate to that? X

  66. Caron 26th October 2010 at 10:33 am - Reply

    Thanks Sally, it is such a comfort to hear that. Can you or anybody give me some advice on something else….yesterday I went to my GP just to advise him of how I am feeling at that I am having a “blip”. I said to him I am keen on not having my medication upped ( I am on 30mg of paroxetine) and that I have bought Pauls book etc. Maybe I was really hoping he would up my medication but he totally agreed with me and said that he didn’t want to up it as 30mg is a maintenance dose which will be balancing my serotonin levels so upping it would just act like a placebo. At first I was ok with that but now I am thinking -” oh no, so has the medication worn off?”, “was it me that got me better before or was it the tablets? And if it was the tablets and they aren’t working anymore how am I ever going to get better?”. Can anyone relate to that? X

  67. Si 26th October 2010 at 10:47 am - Reply

    Caron

    I look at it like this now…..

    I have been on Venlafaxin 70mg for over a year now and I truly beleive it has done nothing at all for me because my mood changes so much and I never altered the meds.

    I went to see my GP a couple of months ago about weening off this medication (although 4 months ago a phyciastrist wanded to double it!!!). He told me to half it every other day and see how I got on.

    Now…. I tried this and when I felt bad days I put it down to meds and went back to 70mg instead of 35mg. But over the last couple of weeks I thought enough is enough.. be positive, go back onto 35mg and still at it and you know what… with the help from this site and Pauls book I have had no problems, in fact I would say I actually feel a little better. This is not to say I think everyone should come off meds, but I belive it again is an attitude thing and yet another crutch that you probably dont need. Lower your dose….. and don’t think about it “AT ALL” cos thinking about it is causing us the problem 🙂

    Trust in yourself
    Simon

  68. Si 26th October 2010 at 10:47 am - Reply

    Caron

    I look at it like this now…..

    I have been on Venlafaxin 70mg for over a year now and I truly beleive it has done nothing at all for me because my mood changes so much and I never altered the meds.

    I went to see my GP a couple of months ago about weening off this medication (although 4 months ago a phyciastrist wanded to double it!!!). He told me to half it every other day and see how I got on.

    Now…. I tried this and when I felt bad days I put it down to meds and went back to 70mg instead of 35mg. But over the last couple of weeks I thought enough is enough.. be positive, go back onto 35mg and still at it and you know what… with the help from this site and Pauls book I have had no problems, in fact I would say I actually feel a little better. This is not to say I think everyone should come off meds, but I belive it again is an attitude thing and yet another crutch that you probably dont need. Lower your dose….. and don’t think about it “AT ALL” cos thinking about it is causing us the problem 🙂

    Trust in yourself
    Simon

  69. ross 26th October 2010 at 10:53 am - Reply

    hey everyone

    i recently told my girlfriend, mum and best mate what ive been going through and i visited my gp . after this i had my best week ever but the last few days have felt my anxiety creeping back . so frustrating at times .

    i need some help regarding some thoughts ive been getting and if anyone else has had them.

    i keep thinkin im not in control of my body?? and find it weird we can move without thinking about it? sounds crazy i know haha

    i also get moments that i feel trapped in my body????
    and i also feel as if this is 1 big knightmare ill never get out of ???

    these totally throw me completely .

    can someone give me some advice.

    i also always think to myself wats caused this ???

  70. ross 26th October 2010 at 10:53 am - Reply

    hey everyone

    i recently told my girlfriend, mum and best mate what ive been going through and i visited my gp . after this i had my best week ever but the last few days have felt my anxiety creeping back . so frustrating at times .

    i need some help regarding some thoughts ive been getting and if anyone else has had them.

    i keep thinkin im not in control of my body?? and find it weird we can move without thinking about it? sounds crazy i know haha

    i also get moments that i feel trapped in my body????
    and i also feel as if this is 1 big knightmare ill never get out of ???

    these totally throw me completely .

    can someone give me some advice.

    i also always think to myself wats caused this ???

  71. Caron 26th October 2010 at 12:21 pm - Reply

    Thanks Si,

    What you say makes sense, I spose it is just hard for me to believe I can do it without meds as erverytime I have had anxiety before I have also gone to my doctor and had my medication upped. Now I of course don’t know if its the medication that ‘recovered’ me before or indeed my inner strength and I am just questioning it all and thinking I can’t get better. But then I think actually get better from what? It doesn’t make sense!
    Does anyone else think like this?
    Caron

  72. Caron 26th October 2010 at 12:21 pm - Reply

    Thanks Si,

    What you say makes sense, I spose it is just hard for me to believe I can do it without meds as erverytime I have had anxiety before I have also gone to my doctor and had my medication upped. Now I of course don’t know if its the medication that ‘recovered’ me before or indeed my inner strength and I am just questioning it all and thinking I can’t get better. But then I think actually get better from what? It doesn’t make sense!
    Does anyone else think like this?
    Caron

  73. Jess H 26th October 2010 at 3:19 pm - Reply

    Hello,

    Paul this last post is just wonderful and a breath of frsh air for helping us on the road to recovery. I would say I am nearly there, the horrible thoughts are not as strong but still linger, i am trying so hard with this and usually they just pass within 3-4 seconds, although it does leave me remembering I have anxiety especially on a good day. Anxiety has never stopped me doing anythin which I am extremely grateful for, its just the scary horrible thoughts that grab me the most. This post is certainly one i will be rereading to try to absorbe it into my mind lol.

    I am struggling with one thing at present though and its that i am using this site and other people as a saftey blanket for reasurance. I have had anxiety since Feb this year and can see that i have really improved, although I find myself asking my sister questions ( she also has experienced anxiety) and coming here on this site for an extra pick me up. I no this is not a bad thing as it does pick me up and calms me to an extent but I am now wanting to do this for myself as in not needing constant reasurrance for me to move forward. I would like to put what i have learnt into practice but sometimes find this difficult. sorry to go on but are you able to offer any advise on this???

    Ross in regards to feeling that you are stuck in a nighmare, i completly had this and thought it would never go, i still do get the odd occassion but i try to push this to the side. so dont worry what your experiencing is totally normal…..

    Rebekka….. i can completly relate to where you are right now… i found it a struggle to explain to people my horrible thoughts, beleive me iv had them all from suicide(the worst), to horrible thoughts about something happening to me and my family, constabtly thinking what is life about, why am i bothering. I have been there and still get the odd thoughts but they are not as strong. What i would say is just express how you feel, i sat down and told my boyfriend it was slightly awkward and i didnt really want to say what horrible thoughts i was having but it really helped. I mean i feel i need to be strong as my line of work being a police officer does not allow me to be weak, but hey we all cant be perfect. lol. trust me once you explain to someone you will feel better, these thoughts can grab you sweet but dont worry, your family will know who you are and know they have to support you through this. Especially your partner i am sure he has seen this many a time in his profession, so just go for it!!!!! let me know how you get on!!!!

    Jess….. so glad to see your doing well, how did your assisgnment on anxiety go, bet you were great. I am doing well i guess till have the odds moments where the anxiety and horrible thoughts grab me but it is mainly good days now. Sending my love, your friend jess xx

  74. Jess H 26th October 2010 at 3:19 pm - Reply

    Hello,

    Paul this last post is just wonderful and a breath of frsh air for helping us on the road to recovery. I would say I am nearly there, the horrible thoughts are not as strong but still linger, i am trying so hard with this and usually they just pass within 3-4 seconds, although it does leave me remembering I have anxiety especially on a good day. Anxiety has never stopped me doing anythin which I am extremely grateful for, its just the scary horrible thoughts that grab me the most. This post is certainly one i will be rereading to try to absorbe it into my mind lol.

    I am struggling with one thing at present though and its that i am using this site and other people as a saftey blanket for reasurance. I have had anxiety since Feb this year and can see that i have really improved, although I find myself asking my sister questions ( she also has experienced anxiety) and coming here on this site for an extra pick me up. I no this is not a bad thing as it does pick me up and calms me to an extent but I am now wanting to do this for myself as in not needing constant reasurrance for me to move forward. I would like to put what i have learnt into practice but sometimes find this difficult. sorry to go on but are you able to offer any advise on this???

    Ross in regards to feeling that you are stuck in a nighmare, i completly had this and thought it would never go, i still do get the odd occassion but i try to push this to the side. so dont worry what your experiencing is totally normal…..

    Rebekka….. i can completly relate to where you are right now… i found it a struggle to explain to people my horrible thoughts, beleive me iv had them all from suicide(the worst), to horrible thoughts about something happening to me and my family, constabtly thinking what is life about, why am i bothering. I have been there and still get the odd thoughts but they are not as strong. What i would say is just express how you feel, i sat down and told my boyfriend it was slightly awkward and i didnt really want to say what horrible thoughts i was having but it really helped. I mean i feel i need to be strong as my line of work being a police officer does not allow me to be weak, but hey we all cant be perfect. lol. trust me once you explain to someone you will feel better, these thoughts can grab you sweet but dont worry, your family will know who you are and know they have to support you through this. Especially your partner i am sure he has seen this many a time in his profession, so just go for it!!!!! let me know how you get on!!!!

    Jess….. so glad to see your doing well, how did your assisgnment on anxiety go, bet you were great. I am doing well i guess till have the odds moments where the anxiety and horrible thoughts grab me but it is mainly good days now. Sending my love, your friend jess xx

  75. Leslie 26th October 2010 at 3:28 pm - Reply

    Hi everyone,

    Not sure if anyone remembers me. I haven’t posted in quite some time. I’ve actually been doing really well. Recently, however, I find myself in a setback…..the worst I’ve had in months. I began suffering about 18 months ago. I found Paul’s site a couple months later, but it took me a looooooong time to put his advice into practice. Sometimes I still struggle. I’m just wondering if anyone else can relate to what I struggle with. I feel like I don’t know how to just live my life. I think about everything before I do it…..anything that involves “normal” living. It could be something as simple as making dinner or watching tv. And when I do think about it, I feel like I shouldn’t do it because of this whole anxiety business. My mind tries to convince me that I shouldn’t do anything that would help me to get better. My anxiety rollercoaster began with a feeling and thought that something was wrong with me…..I had something to worry/be scared about, but I didn’t know what. So at that point, I stopped dead in my tracks and became terrified to do anything (and I mean anything!). Well slowly, I’ve gotten better. When I was doing really great for the past few months, I felt like I was living more in the moment. Just doing things without thinking so much. And if I was reminded of my anxiety or a thought came in trying to stop me from doing something, I was able to easily ignore it. Now, it doesn’t feel that easy. All the sudden, the anxiety has taken center stage and I feel like I shouldn’t do things. I keep doing them, but the feelings have are really intense. They feel so real at times. When its like that, it feels really wrong to ignore them. Like I shouldn’t be ignoring them. The other main thing I struggle with are the nasty memories I’ve built up over the past 18 months (i.e. trips to the hospital scared out of my mind, antidepressants, thinking I was going completely insane, etc). Sometimes those memories send shivers down my spine! I just wonder if I’ll ever be able to get over that I got to that point and move on from it? If I will ever feel like it doesn’t matter. I’m very much a perfectionist and way too hard on myself (I’m sure many of you can relate!) and I just hate that this happened…..that I’m doing this to myself. When I was doing so much better, it was like my whole anxiety ordeal wasn’t that important. I still had some thoughts and feelings, but they just didn’t matter that much. I was able to brush them off easily and move on. Now it just feels like they’re getting my attention too much. Is that what recovery is? Making peace with the past and everything that you’ve gone through and just moving on? Basically allowing anxiety and all the bad memories to fade into the background? I guess I’m just looking for some reassurance. Any replies would be welcome! Take care all.

  76. Leslie 26th October 2010 at 3:28 pm - Reply

    Hi everyone,

    Not sure if anyone remembers me. I haven’t posted in quite some time. I’ve actually been doing really well. Recently, however, I find myself in a setback…..the worst I’ve had in months. I began suffering about 18 months ago. I found Paul’s site a couple months later, but it took me a looooooong time to put his advice into practice. Sometimes I still struggle. I’m just wondering if anyone else can relate to what I struggle with. I feel like I don’t know how to just live my life. I think about everything before I do it…..anything that involves “normal” living. It could be something as simple as making dinner or watching tv. And when I do think about it, I feel like I shouldn’t do it because of this whole anxiety business. My mind tries to convince me that I shouldn’t do anything that would help me to get better. My anxiety rollercoaster began with a feeling and thought that something was wrong with me…..I had something to worry/be scared about, but I didn’t know what. So at that point, I stopped dead in my tracks and became terrified to do anything (and I mean anything!). Well slowly, I’ve gotten better. When I was doing really great for the past few months, I felt like I was living more in the moment. Just doing things without thinking so much. And if I was reminded of my anxiety or a thought came in trying to stop me from doing something, I was able to easily ignore it. Now, it doesn’t feel that easy. All the sudden, the anxiety has taken center stage and I feel like I shouldn’t do things. I keep doing them, but the feelings have are really intense. They feel so real at times. When its like that, it feels really wrong to ignore them. Like I shouldn’t be ignoring them. The other main thing I struggle with are the nasty memories I’ve built up over the past 18 months (i.e. trips to the hospital scared out of my mind, antidepressants, thinking I was going completely insane, etc). Sometimes those memories send shivers down my spine! I just wonder if I’ll ever be able to get over that I got to that point and move on from it? If I will ever feel like it doesn’t matter. I’m very much a perfectionist and way too hard on myself (I’m sure many of you can relate!) and I just hate that this happened…..that I’m doing this to myself. When I was doing so much better, it was like my whole anxiety ordeal wasn’t that important. I still had some thoughts and feelings, but they just didn’t matter that much. I was able to brush them off easily and move on. Now it just feels like they’re getting my attention too much. Is that what recovery is? Making peace with the past and everything that you’ve gone through and just moving on? Basically allowing anxiety and all the bad memories to fade into the background? I guess I’m just looking for some reassurance. Any replies would be welcome! Take care all.

  77. Suranne 26th October 2010 at 3:56 pm - Reply

    Hello everybody, what Ross has posted – twice- and because he needs comfort, could have been written by myself, so note to Ross, I hope you get at least a small shred of comfort to know that you are NOT alone, I am in the exact same place as you and it is bloody gruesome.

    I have been reading the posts for a few weeks now, since I got hit by a major panic attack about ‘my thoughts’

    Unfortunately, as I obviously was way too impressed by it, it has ‘stuck’ like glue. I seem to be afraid of any thought, nevermind the negative ones! I read Scarlet’s reply to another post, on another tthread about someone who commenced analyzing how/why the mind/brain works – she wisely pointed out that it would not get you any good results, whilst in an anxious state of mind. I had to smile at that, as that made real sense to me.
    The problem is, as this has become so stuck in my head (the question of why and how do we have thoughts, how does the brain work, why does it do such and such, how can and would I want to actually stop it working like that etc.) has sent me in such a downwards spin, I am all over the place. I swear, it will not leave me alone. Wave after wave of panic has been the dish of the day today. I am sure, it will pass, these things generally do I find. I am trying very hard NOT to analyse this thought, and get on with my day, but I just couldn’t seem to help myself from posting today. I so hope that in the future, I will be able to post a positive success story. I guess I may not even be making much sense, but I am sure at least some of you will relate. If someone can drop by and offer a few wise words of comfort I would be so grateful, matters are not helped as my husband is away on business, and although I am not a clingy type, he is so sensible (as am I in a non anxious state of mind) he can be such a comfort in his support, and I do know how lucky I am to have found one like that!

    Thanks for reading my ramble, all the best things to all of you good people out there, and Paul for dedicating his time to helping people like you and me.

  78. Suranne 26th October 2010 at 3:56 pm - Reply

    Hello everybody, what Ross has posted – twice- and because he needs comfort, could have been written by myself, so note to Ross, I hope you get at least a small shred of comfort to know that you are NOT alone, I am in the exact same place as you and it is bloody gruesome.

    I have been reading the posts for a few weeks now, since I got hit by a major panic attack about ‘my thoughts’

    Unfortunately, as I obviously was way too impressed by it, it has ‘stuck’ like glue. I seem to be afraid of any thought, nevermind the negative ones! I read Scarlet’s reply to another post, on another tthread about someone who commenced analyzing how/why the mind/brain works – she wisely pointed out that it would not get you any good results, whilst in an anxious state of mind. I had to smile at that, as that made real sense to me.
    The problem is, as this has become so stuck in my head (the question of why and how do we have thoughts, how does the brain work, why does it do such and such, how can and would I want to actually stop it working like that etc.) has sent me in such a downwards spin, I am all over the place. I swear, it will not leave me alone. Wave after wave of panic has been the dish of the day today. I am sure, it will pass, these things generally do I find. I am trying very hard NOT to analyse this thought, and get on with my day, but I just couldn’t seem to help myself from posting today. I so hope that in the future, I will be able to post a positive success story. I guess I may not even be making much sense, but I am sure at least some of you will relate. If someone can drop by and offer a few wise words of comfort I would be so grateful, matters are not helped as my husband is away on business, and although I am not a clingy type, he is so sensible (as am I in a non anxious state of mind) he can be such a comfort in his support, and I do know how lucky I am to have found one like that!

    Thanks for reading my ramble, all the best things to all of you good people out there, and Paul for dedicating his time to helping people like you and me.

  79. Caron 26th October 2010 at 4:20 pm - Reply

    Hi Leslie, I can definitely relate to having memories and being scared of them! I suppose it’s a case of reminding ourselves that memories are just another form of thought and we don’t need to pay them much attention! Plus we got over them before so will again- meds or no meds!! Xx

  80. Caron 26th October 2010 at 4:20 pm - Reply

    Hi Leslie, I can definitely relate to having memories and being scared of them! I suppose it’s a case of reminding ourselves that memories are just another form of thought and we don’t need to pay them much attention! Plus we got over them before so will again- meds or no meds!! Xx

  81. marc 26th October 2010 at 6:18 pm - Reply

    scott,

    what kind of twitches/tics do u get??? i get twitches in my back and neck muscles and it looks like my body and head is shaking! have had them for a while now, have seen a nuerologist and have had an mri scan done and it came back clear so my guess is that its anxiety related, but what gets me is that i dont have to be feeling particularly anxious when i get them! they just happen! plus i find sometimes if i think about them-i get them! they really are a nightmare because theyre almost constant with me and i find it hard going out socialising and going out in public because of them! i also find it can get me off balance and restrict me when im exercising, do u experience this????

    marc

  82. marc 26th October 2010 at 6:18 pm - Reply

    scott,

    what kind of twitches/tics do u get??? i get twitches in my back and neck muscles and it looks like my body and head is shaking! have had them for a while now, have seen a nuerologist and have had an mri scan done and it came back clear so my guess is that its anxiety related, but what gets me is that i dont have to be feeling particularly anxious when i get them! they just happen! plus i find sometimes if i think about them-i get them! they really are a nightmare because theyre almost constant with me and i find it hard going out socialising and going out in public because of them! i also find it can get me off balance and restrict me when im exercising, do u experience this????

    marc

  83. marc 26th October 2010 at 7:01 pm - Reply

    scarlet,candie,sasha or paul

    just looking for a bit of reassurance guys in letting me know that im ok, and a bit of advice as well. the weirdness that i usually feel is at the highest its ever been, i just feel so horribly disconnected and not with it at all 24/7! i just feel like a robot going around having to act out my day, everything is just completely freaking me out! and i literally mean everything that comes to mind! my recent phase at the moment is feeling weird about ‘how we are feeling’, i.e feeling better or feeling worse. even if i do feel slightly better its like my mind automatically recognises it during the moment im feeling better and switches me back to ‘weird mode’! i know this is gonna sound nuts but its like my mind……….has a mind of its own! haha! its like it wont allow me feel anything else but this complete and utter strangeness/weirdness
    plus im also experiencing a huge hyper awareness of everything i do, especially speaking, like if someone is talking to me then i have to talk back its like im not controlling what im saying but i can just hear the words coming out( if that makes any sense! lol) and it completely freaks me out. plus if i am talking to someone, i can hear them and understand them fine, but its like i FEEL like i cant make any sense of what they are saying, like they are talking jiberish to me or something and its just so bloody weird!
    plus im so aware of ME! everything i do, or any scenarios im in, its like im automatically wondering if its real or not real! me and everything around me just feels so strange and unreal! and whats really disheartening is i cant feel the love and joy i should feel for my family and friends! i say disheartening but its like i cant even feel upset! like i said its like im a bloody robot just going through the motions!

    just wondering if u guys experienced this kind of horror and what u did to get through it. many thanks guys!

    marc 🙂

  84. marc 26th October 2010 at 7:01 pm - Reply

    scarlet,candie,sasha or paul

    just looking for a bit of reassurance guys in letting me know that im ok, and a bit of advice as well. the weirdness that i usually feel is at the highest its ever been, i just feel so horribly disconnected and not with it at all 24/7! i just feel like a robot going around having to act out my day, everything is just completely freaking me out! and i literally mean everything that comes to mind! my recent phase at the moment is feeling weird about ‘how we are feeling’, i.e feeling better or feeling worse. even if i do feel slightly better its like my mind automatically recognises it during the moment im feeling better and switches me back to ‘weird mode’! i know this is gonna sound nuts but its like my mind……….has a mind of its own! haha! its like it wont allow me feel anything else but this complete and utter strangeness/weirdness
    plus im also experiencing a huge hyper awareness of everything i do, especially speaking, like if someone is talking to me then i have to talk back its like im not controlling what im saying but i can just hear the words coming out( if that makes any sense! lol) and it completely freaks me out. plus if i am talking to someone, i can hear them and understand them fine, but its like i FEEL like i cant make any sense of what they are saying, like they are talking jiberish to me or something and its just so bloody weird!
    plus im so aware of ME! everything i do, or any scenarios im in, its like im automatically wondering if its real or not real! me and everything around me just feels so strange and unreal! and whats really disheartening is i cant feel the love and joy i should feel for my family and friends! i say disheartening but its like i cant even feel upset! like i said its like im a bloody robot just going through the motions!

    just wondering if u guys experienced this kind of horror and what u did to get through it. many thanks guys!

    marc 🙂

  85. Amanda 26th October 2010 at 8:07 pm - Reply

    Hi everyone i am new to this site but certainly not new to anxiety, nearly 24yrs to be exact, that i didnt know until reading pauls book, i have suffered badly 5 times in that 24yrs where i have had to give up work and literally couldnt cope severe dp and dr no one ever explained to me what this was so reading pauls book was a godsend i am currently off work now because i let anxiety takeover it started 3mths ago work and home life was stressful at the time and i suffered a panic attack whilst at home and i started worrying and panicking omg am going to be ill again i cant go through all that again instead of thinking right this is my mind and body telling me to slow down and take a step back how i wish i had understood then i was making myself worse this went on for 2months until i eventually broke down and had to go off sick from work, i am suffering badly again at the moment but i know in time i will be well again and i know with the help and knowledge i have gained i will not let anxiety ruin or rule my life again

  86. Amanda 26th October 2010 at 8:07 pm - Reply

    Hi everyone i am new to this site but certainly not new to anxiety, nearly 24yrs to be exact, that i didnt know until reading pauls book, i have suffered badly 5 times in that 24yrs where i have had to give up work and literally couldnt cope severe dp and dr no one ever explained to me what this was so reading pauls book was a godsend i am currently off work now because i let anxiety takeover it started 3mths ago work and home life was stressful at the time and i suffered a panic attack whilst at home and i started worrying and panicking omg am going to be ill again i cant go through all that again instead of thinking right this is my mind and body telling me to slow down and take a step back how i wish i had understood then i was making myself worse this went on for 2months until i eventually broke down and had to go off sick from work, i am suffering badly again at the moment but i know in time i will be well again and i know with the help and knowledge i have gained i will not let anxiety ruin or rule my life again

  87. Victor 26th October 2010 at 8:29 pm - Reply

    Jen,

    I am going through similar situation, it has been my biggest obstacle with anxiety. I did well for about 6/7 months where I was getting very few odd thoughts, and it got to the point where I was getting none at all. Then I started getting them again due to a family situation I was going through, I started fearing anxiety and these thoughts again and sure enough they came back.

    I can tell you that FEAR is why they are back. Anxiety or not, we are all bound to get odd thoughts. I have spoken to family and close friends about my situation, and they laugh sometimes because they get odd thoughts too but they do not let it bother them.

    I know me personally when I was doing well my attitude was much different from what it is now. I did not care if odd thoughts came, it got to the point where my first reaction to an odd thought naturally was to laugh and think ” I cant believe I use to let these thoughts bother me”, but then I started being scared of them again and they came back. If ANYONE fears any kind of thought enough they would start worrying about it, not just us anxiety sufferers.

    Hope this helps. My attitude is slowly changing again, I have been doing well the past couple days. I have been getting thoughts but have been just letting them flow, and they have been less powerful.

  88. Victor 26th October 2010 at 8:29 pm - Reply

    Jen,

    I am going through similar situation, it has been my biggest obstacle with anxiety. I did well for about 6/7 months where I was getting very few odd thoughts, and it got to the point where I was getting none at all. Then I started getting them again due to a family situation I was going through, I started fearing anxiety and these thoughts again and sure enough they came back.

    I can tell you that FEAR is why they are back. Anxiety or not, we are all bound to get odd thoughts. I have spoken to family and close friends about my situation, and they laugh sometimes because they get odd thoughts too but they do not let it bother them.

    I know me personally when I was doing well my attitude was much different from what it is now. I did not care if odd thoughts came, it got to the point where my first reaction to an odd thought naturally was to laugh and think ” I cant believe I use to let these thoughts bother me”, but then I started being scared of them again and they came back. If ANYONE fears any kind of thought enough they would start worrying about it, not just us anxiety sufferers.

    Hope this helps. My attitude is slowly changing again, I have been doing well the past couple days. I have been getting thoughts but have been just letting them flow, and they have been less powerful.

  89. Rebekka 26th October 2010 at 9:14 pm - Reply

    Hey peeps,
    Gosh it’s really strange reading through other people’s experience because at times i can feel so alone in all of this.
    I do think that anxiety is a part of you as a individual, when i look back i remember being very sensitive and abit anxious as a child but also very energetic and full of confidence. I do think that in some cases if you are anxious or very sensitive you are more likely to suffer with anxiety and if your not happy with parts of your life (and just go along with it) or if you have been through something tramatic it brings out negative thoughts and feelings which probably actually mean something completely different i.e if your angry with someone because of some reason or another it can bring on a negative thought if that makes any sense! Sorry i do tend to yap on abit. 🙂
    Hi Jess thanks for your reply, that was very helpful. I have told my mum all about what’s been going on and she has been very supportive for along while now, however we don’t live near each other anymore so when times are bad i can’t just pop round for a brew and a Hug unfortunately.
    I guess because my partner is very pro medical model, I worry that he is going to try and diagnose me and advice me to take medication or something. I know medication can be really helpful for some people in conjunction with a good therapist but i personally am not requiring medicatioin at present. I guess that’s what i get abit worried about.
    I do hope that i find the strenght to talk to my partner about the times i get irrational thoughts but i think working out why i am having these thoughts and feelings first may make more sense of it all. It’s interesting because there are things i am not happy with in my life at the moment which i have just been going along with which i think has brought this anxiety on. When i was enjoying my job and having alot more friends around me and doing things i really enjoyed i.e dancing i didn’t have these problems. Can you identify with that?
    Jess i completely understand what your saying about coming on to this site and feeling as it gives you reassurance. I personally think it is ok to check once and a while but not get too focused into all of it as it can just stop you from getting on but i know that we are all DIFFERENT and some of us need more support than others and it depends on what support you have at home i guess. Also, with regards with wanting to put your experience into practice, i think when anyone has suffered or experienced anxiety they are able to help and support others to some extent. My partner had a small panic attack when we were recently travelling around Germany for a few days. With the pooring rain, been in a rather large expensive rented car and driving on the opposite side of the road, i definately think contributed to this but ‘Hey’ men do love there cars 🙂 Any way back to my point, he was in abit of state and i was able to really help him which made me feel very strong and quite wise because i could relate. Hope this makes sense
    Rebekka

  90. Rebekka 26th October 2010 at 9:14 pm - Reply

    Hey peeps,
    Gosh it’s really strange reading through other people’s experience because at times i can feel so alone in all of this.
    I do think that anxiety is a part of you as a individual, when i look back i remember being very sensitive and abit anxious as a child but also very energetic and full of confidence. I do think that in some cases if you are anxious or very sensitive you are more likely to suffer with anxiety and if your not happy with parts of your life (and just go along with it) or if you have been through something tramatic it brings out negative thoughts and feelings which probably actually mean something completely different i.e if your angry with someone because of some reason or another it can bring on a negative thought if that makes any sense! Sorry i do tend to yap on abit. 🙂
    Hi Jess thanks for your reply, that was very helpful. I have told my mum all about what’s been going on and she has been very supportive for along while now, however we don’t live near each other anymore so when times are bad i can’t just pop round for a brew and a Hug unfortunately.
    I guess because my partner is very pro medical model, I worry that he is going to try and diagnose me and advice me to take medication or something. I know medication can be really helpful for some people in conjunction with a good therapist but i personally am not requiring medicatioin at present. I guess that’s what i get abit worried about.
    I do hope that i find the strenght to talk to my partner about the times i get irrational thoughts but i think working out why i am having these thoughts and feelings first may make more sense of it all. It’s interesting because there are things i am not happy with in my life at the moment which i have just been going along with which i think has brought this anxiety on. When i was enjoying my job and having alot more friends around me and doing things i really enjoyed i.e dancing i didn’t have these problems. Can you identify with that?
    Jess i completely understand what your saying about coming on to this site and feeling as it gives you reassurance. I personally think it is ok to check once and a while but not get too focused into all of it as it can just stop you from getting on but i know that we are all DIFFERENT and some of us need more support than others and it depends on what support you have at home i guess. Also, with regards with wanting to put your experience into practice, i think when anyone has suffered or experienced anxiety they are able to help and support others to some extent. My partner had a small panic attack when we were recently travelling around Germany for a few days. With the pooring rain, been in a rather large expensive rented car and driving on the opposite side of the road, i definately think contributed to this but ‘Hey’ men do love there cars 🙂 Any way back to my point, he was in abit of state and i was able to really help him which made me feel very strong and quite wise because i could relate. Hope this makes sense
    Rebekka

  91. Nelly 27th October 2010 at 12:19 am - Reply

    Hi there,

    I am glad i found this website and maybe i can ask for some advice. I have suffered from anxiety since 3 years ago and it was getting better up until now.. I had a baby 1 month ago and for some reason a week after giving birth i started feeling this weird sensation in my chest and throat…so i went to the ER and they diagnosed me with PVC’s, its been a month and they have not gone away. All i want to know is if anyone has had PVC’s due to anxiety or stress and have gotten rid of them… I really need help this is driving me crazy. Any advice will be appreciated

    Nelly

  92. Nelly 27th October 2010 at 12:19 am - Reply

    Hi there,

    I am glad i found this website and maybe i can ask for some advice. I have suffered from anxiety since 3 years ago and it was getting better up until now.. I had a baby 1 month ago and for some reason a week after giving birth i started feeling this weird sensation in my chest and throat…so i went to the ER and they diagnosed me with PVC’s, its been a month and they have not gone away. All i want to know is if anyone has had PVC’s due to anxiety or stress and have gotten rid of them… I really need help this is driving me crazy. Any advice will be appreciated

    Nelly

  93. jess 27th October 2010 at 5:35 am - Reply

    Hi Jess H
    You really sound if you have got ur head around things jess…. just use that know and let this new way of thinking become a learnt behaviour. Jess i tooo at one point was using this site as a security blanket, every morning i would wake up and the first thing i would do was check the site to help me scramble out of the early morning thought pool… But there came a point where i said to myself jess, thats enough… i have learnt all i need to learn now i really need to put it into practice. It was ok to read about acceptance but the real trick is to learn to live with acceptance… Jess i’m doing really well, and yes my thoughts are still there but would it be funny if i said i don’t really listen to them anymore… I believe they are there out of pure habit, and i haven’t had a thought thats made me go ‘PANG’ ( adrenalin rush) in a good couple of weeks….Ive been using pauls saying ‘what the heck?’ quite a bit or when its a bad one ‘what he F&%$?’ lol whatever works to remove that fear! I believe that overcoming this thing is all about changing your attitude to these thoughts….. Its all about re-training your brain!

    Ive been suffering since june jess ( the 4th to be precise) but as paul said recovery can take time to be achieved and im willing to wait, im just quite proud of myself at how far i have come…. and i want to pat myself in the back as i was quite bad at the beginning. I had the fear ( after watching a movie on child abuse) “what if (classic what if’s) i ever hurt a child?” and there i go trying to prove something that never had to be proven obsessing constantly and avoiding places where there where children creating a phobia in a sense! BUt what i should’ve done with that initial thought was shrug it off and say ‘what the heck?’ but anyway woulda, coulda shoulda….

    I now know that i was fighting a worthless battle, it was something that i never had to prove to myself…. i know i am a good person… anyway i just want people to know that paul is right it is all about patience and acceptance. Its taken us a wile to get ourselves into this mess, it’ll take us a wile to get out of it. Hahaha its funny i never mean to write this much, but then i end up scrabbling on… take care everyone!

    Im doing really really really well

    thanks paul

    Jess

  94. jess 27th October 2010 at 5:35 am - Reply

    Hi Jess H
    You really sound if you have got ur head around things jess…. just use that know and let this new way of thinking become a learnt behaviour. Jess i tooo at one point was using this site as a security blanket, every morning i would wake up and the first thing i would do was check the site to help me scramble out of the early morning thought pool… But there came a point where i said to myself jess, thats enough… i have learnt all i need to learn now i really need to put it into practice. It was ok to read about acceptance but the real trick is to learn to live with acceptance… Jess i’m doing really well, and yes my thoughts are still there but would it be funny if i said i don’t really listen to them anymore… I believe they are there out of pure habit, and i haven’t had a thought thats made me go ‘PANG’ ( adrenalin rush) in a good couple of weeks….Ive been using pauls saying ‘what the heck?’ quite a bit or when its a bad one ‘what he F&%$?’ lol whatever works to remove that fear! I believe that overcoming this thing is all about changing your attitude to these thoughts….. Its all about re-training your brain!

    Ive been suffering since june jess ( the 4th to be precise) but as paul said recovery can take time to be achieved and im willing to wait, im just quite proud of myself at how far i have come…. and i want to pat myself in the back as i was quite bad at the beginning. I had the fear ( after watching a movie on child abuse) “what if (classic what if’s) i ever hurt a child?” and there i go trying to prove something that never had to be proven obsessing constantly and avoiding places where there where children creating a phobia in a sense! BUt what i should’ve done with that initial thought was shrug it off and say ‘what the heck?’ but anyway woulda, coulda shoulda….

    I now know that i was fighting a worthless battle, it was something that i never had to prove to myself…. i know i am a good person… anyway i just want people to know that paul is right it is all about patience and acceptance. Its taken us a wile to get ourselves into this mess, it’ll take us a wile to get out of it. Hahaha its funny i never mean to write this much, but then i end up scrabbling on… take care everyone!

    Im doing really really really well

    thanks paul

    Jess

  95. Caron 27th October 2010 at 8:31 am - Reply

    Hi Everyone,

    Reading some of these posts really do make sense and I totally agree that when in a bad way we use this as our comofrt blanket and support mechanism – i don;t think that is a bad thing though? I mean sometimes where else do we get support?

    So many posts ring true….i.e when we are anxious thoughts that would usually not bother us at all are so scary. I am contending with a new thought today but am telling myself (trying to) that it is just my anxious mind making it seem scary and trying not to pay it any respect. Afterall I know I have recovered before and looked back on such thoughts and almost laughed to myself! However, being in an anxious state is just such a nightmare which is why I get impatient.

    I read a bit in Pauls book last night which Jess mentions above – its the bit about it takes our minds to become tired and get into this state so it will take a while for them to become ‘untired’. I suppose we all want a time frame but that time frame depends on us and our acceptance. I hope I am making sense?

    One thing I just want to ask – does anybody find the mornings the hardest? I often wake early, before my alarm with that awful feeling of dread in my stomach. Then driving to work is a awful as I am so tired so struggle to keep my eyes open! Does anyone have any tips for the mornings or dealing with the ‘butterfly’ stomach?

    Thanks
    Caron
    xx

  96. Caron 27th October 2010 at 8:31 am - Reply

    Hi Everyone,

    Reading some of these posts really do make sense and I totally agree that when in a bad way we use this as our comofrt blanket and support mechanism – i don;t think that is a bad thing though? I mean sometimes where else do we get support?

    So many posts ring true….i.e when we are anxious thoughts that would usually not bother us at all are so scary. I am contending with a new thought today but am telling myself (trying to) that it is just my anxious mind making it seem scary and trying not to pay it any respect. Afterall I know I have recovered before and looked back on such thoughts and almost laughed to myself! However, being in an anxious state is just such a nightmare which is why I get impatient.

    I read a bit in Pauls book last night which Jess mentions above – its the bit about it takes our minds to become tired and get into this state so it will take a while for them to become ‘untired’. I suppose we all want a time frame but that time frame depends on us and our acceptance. I hope I am making sense?

    One thing I just want to ask – does anybody find the mornings the hardest? I often wake early, before my alarm with that awful feeling of dread in my stomach. Then driving to work is a awful as I am so tired so struggle to keep my eyes open! Does anyone have any tips for the mornings or dealing with the ‘butterfly’ stomach?

    Thanks
    Caron
    xx

  97. jack 27th October 2010 at 8:44 am - Reply

    Suranne

    5 years ago I started to have really worrying thoughts about my existence that confused my tired mind so much. I was in a vicious circle that I couldn’t break out of the worrying thought loop.

    Also, I would have similar thoughts to you, “why do we think” etc. I honestly thought I was going crazy.

    All I can say about this is that these unwanted thoughts do gradually subside and you will eventually free your mind from all the questioning.

    I finally started accepting these unanswerable questions that I was posing myself. I decided to let them come in whenever they wanted, let them have free reign….do what they want!

    by allowing them unlimited access and saying,”welcome in” to your worrying thoughts you will notice that they significantly subside over time.

    I hope this helps little

  98. jack 27th October 2010 at 8:44 am - Reply

    Suranne

    5 years ago I started to have really worrying thoughts about my existence that confused my tired mind so much. I was in a vicious circle that I couldn’t break out of the worrying thought loop.

    Also, I would have similar thoughts to you, “why do we think” etc. I honestly thought I was going crazy.

    All I can say about this is that these unwanted thoughts do gradually subside and you will eventually free your mind from all the questioning.

    I finally started accepting these unanswerable questions that I was posing myself. I decided to let them come in whenever they wanted, let them have free reign….do what they want!

    by allowing them unlimited access and saying,”welcome in” to your worrying thoughts you will notice that they significantly subside over time.

    I hope this helps little

  99. Mark 27th October 2010 at 10:58 am - Reply

    Here’s an excerpt from a journal entry I did a few days ago, I really feel like I’ve finally “got it” after almost 2 years of struggling with anxiety, and at this time I wanted to write down exactly how I felt so I could remember it and what I was doing that made me feel so much better (usually the writing would be another way of trying to “quick fix” the anxiety in the past, but this time it felt like something huge had just happened, and I still feel great days after I wrote it, so I thought I’d share it). I think this would’ve be helpful to me so hopefully it will be helpful to you guys too!

    —-

    Just going to sleep now, I’m not feeling barely any anxiety though I realized I had at least 50 or so thoughts about things that would’ve made me anxious otherwise, but so let’s see what happened physiologically.. and really I can feel that THIS IS THE WAY! I have felt so great, and it’s all a result of this… Ok, as for a description of what it feels like… so it feels like my mind is open, and whenever a thought comes, I just let it be there, and the thought, BY ITSELF, WITHOUT ANY INTERFERENCE OR EFFORT ON MY PART EXCEPT LETTING MY MIND BE OPEN AND NOT REJECTING IT BUT ALLOWING IT TO BE there, it simply comes in and out, and there’s a crucial moment where the thought is in my mind, and I could go and “latch” onto it and try to control it or (rationalize, justify, counter argue, debate) it rather than just letting it pass, but I always let it pass and then quickly (not to avoid anxiety though, at whatever speed is comfortable) shift my focus back to the present because there is no need to analyze the thought. Now I feel completely anxiety free, worry free. I may feel a slight feeling in my head that doesn’t even hurt much at all, barely anything, but that doesn’t bother me because it’s just a symptom that I’m letting be there, and a thought will come up that says “what if the headache is… blah blah blah” but I just let that thought be there too and keep my mind open and it comes in and goes away, so long as I don’t try to latch onto the thought or grasp it and focus on it. I think we really do this to ourselves, creating habits of questioning and analyzing thoughts. Then we get to this point where when we have a random thought, we get this HUGE feeling that we have to “manage” or justify/question the thought or else something bad will happen – I think that is the prime reason that it continues, that we latch on to them rather than letting them come and go.

    Go toward your anxiety in the form of going towards things that make you anxious in the real world, but in your mind simply go on with your day or whatever you are doing WITHOUT stopping and questioning and that is what I call acceptance and not paying the anxiety any mind, because you really aren’t, you are just going on with whatever you are doing, there is no need to try to accept the feelings or to go towards them in your own body, all you have to do is go on with what you’re doing regardless of how you feel.

    What happens in my body is that I will get the anxious thought and then I will immediately just go back to whatever I was doing and feel those physical sensations of LIVING in THAT MOMENT, and that’s it, it’s – Anxious feeling – Nothing – Shift of focus back to the present moment/action; rinse and repeat.

    NO RESPECT means barely stopping for even a moment to try to ‘fix’ it or to justify or question your anxiety, not paying them respect means just going on with your day as if they did not affect you at all, let them be there, but just pay them no mind and go on with your activity,

    —-

    I really want to stress that part about “not latching on” to any thoughts that make you feel anxious. For some reason this entire time I’ve had GAD I’ve felt that I had to question those thoughts, to do something about them, to justify or argue them or find out what they mean, but that simply is not true. I can have any thought in the entire world, and I don’t have to do ANYTHING about it, no justifications, rationalizing, or further thought needed. I don’t know, for some reason I was taught throughout my life that I always had to question them every single time they came up, but I finally realize I don’t, and my anxiety levels have really toned down because of this. Anyways, I hope this helped some of you, and thank you so much Paul for your fantastic book

  100. Mark 27th October 2010 at 10:58 am - Reply

    Here’s an excerpt from a journal entry I did a few days ago, I really feel like I’ve finally “got it” after almost 2 years of struggling with anxiety, and at this time I wanted to write down exactly how I felt so I could remember it and what I was doing that made me feel so much better (usually the writing would be another way of trying to “quick fix” the anxiety in the past, but this time it felt like something huge had just happened, and I still feel great days after I wrote it, so I thought I’d share it). I think this would’ve be helpful to me so hopefully it will be helpful to you guys too!

    —-

    Just going to sleep now, I’m not feeling barely any anxiety though I realized I had at least 50 or so thoughts about things that would’ve made me anxious otherwise, but so let’s see what happened physiologically.. and really I can feel that THIS IS THE WAY! I have felt so great, and it’s all a result of this… Ok, as for a description of what it feels like… so it feels like my mind is open, and whenever a thought comes, I just let it be there, and the thought, BY ITSELF, WITHOUT ANY INTERFERENCE OR EFFORT ON MY PART EXCEPT LETTING MY MIND BE OPEN AND NOT REJECTING IT BUT ALLOWING IT TO BE there, it simply comes in and out, and there’s a crucial moment where the thought is in my mind, and I could go and “latch” onto it and try to control it or (rationalize, justify, counter argue, debate) it rather than just letting it pass, but I always let it pass and then quickly (not to avoid anxiety though, at whatever speed is comfortable) shift my focus back to the present because there is no need to analyze the thought. Now I feel completely anxiety free, worry free. I may feel a slight feeling in my head that doesn’t even hurt much at all, barely anything, but that doesn’t bother me because it’s just a symptom that I’m letting be there, and a thought will come up that says “what if the headache is… blah blah blah” but I just let that thought be there too and keep my mind open and it comes in and goes away, so long as I don’t try to latch onto the thought or grasp it and focus on it. I think we really do this to ourselves, creating habits of questioning and analyzing thoughts. Then we get to this point where when we have a random thought, we get this HUGE feeling that we have to “manage” or justify/question the thought or else something bad will happen – I think that is the prime reason that it continues, that we latch on to them rather than letting them come and go.

    Go toward your anxiety in the form of going towards things that make you anxious in the real world, but in your mind simply go on with your day or whatever you are doing WITHOUT stopping and questioning and that is what I call acceptance and not paying the anxiety any mind, because you really aren’t, you are just going on with whatever you are doing, there is no need to try to accept the feelings or to go towards them in your own body, all you have to do is go on with what you’re doing regardless of how you feel.

    What happens in my body is that I will get the anxious thought and then I will immediately just go back to whatever I was doing and feel those physical sensations of LIVING in THAT MOMENT, and that’s it, it’s – Anxious feeling – Nothing – Shift of focus back to the present moment/action; rinse and repeat.

    NO RESPECT means barely stopping for even a moment to try to ‘fix’ it or to justify or question your anxiety, not paying them respect means just going on with your day as if they did not affect you at all, let them be there, but just pay them no mind and go on with your activity,

    —-

    I really want to stress that part about “not latching on” to any thoughts that make you feel anxious. For some reason this entire time I’ve had GAD I’ve felt that I had to question those thoughts, to do something about them, to justify or argue them or find out what they mean, but that simply is not true. I can have any thought in the entire world, and I don’t have to do ANYTHING about it, no justifications, rationalizing, or further thought needed. I don’t know, for some reason I was taught throughout my life that I always had to question them every single time they came up, but I finally realize I don’t, and my anxiety levels have really toned down because of this. Anyways, I hope this helped some of you, and thank you so much Paul for your fantastic book

  101. James 27th October 2010 at 11:46 am - Reply

    OK, I think I am making some progress. I have had some quite good days, and my therapist thinks I am on the path to recovery.

    I am finding though on some bad days (like today), I am getting much more than just a numb feeling, and an inability to enjoy things. It is actually a really hellish feeling – like some filthy, thick sludge with intense derealisation/depersonalisation. It’s hard to put into words how horrible this can be, but it’s much worse than normal anxiety. When these bouts occur I find it very hard to do anything at all and just want to climb into bed.

    Is this normal or is this more than anxiety? I just haven’t heard Paul or other people speak about it getting quite this intense.

  102. James 27th October 2010 at 11:46 am - Reply

    OK, I think I am making some progress. I have had some quite good days, and my therapist thinks I am on the path to recovery.

    I am finding though on some bad days (like today), I am getting much more than just a numb feeling, and an inability to enjoy things. It is actually a really hellish feeling – like some filthy, thick sludge with intense derealisation/depersonalisation. It’s hard to put into words how horrible this can be, but it’s much worse than normal anxiety. When these bouts occur I find it very hard to do anything at all and just want to climb into bed.

    Is this normal or is this more than anxiety? I just haven’t heard Paul or other people speak about it getting quite this intense.

  103. Jen 27th October 2010 at 2:11 pm - Reply

    Hi Jess,

    You sound really nice so just wanted to ask you something. I get these awful words in my head and they scare me so much. It started because a word frightened me and now that word comes into my head all the time. I know it means nothing and try to let it live along side me but its so hard. My mind will not think of anything else and I am so scared. Is this normal at the begining that somthing would be on your mind always. I am so upset as I write this. I thought I was much stronger than this.

  104. Jen 27th October 2010 at 2:11 pm - Reply

    Hi Jess,

    You sound really nice so just wanted to ask you something. I get these awful words in my head and they scare me so much. It started because a word frightened me and now that word comes into my head all the time. I know it means nothing and try to let it live along side me but its so hard. My mind will not think of anything else and I am so scared. Is this normal at the begining that somthing would be on your mind always. I am so upset as I write this. I thought I was much stronger than this.

  105. scarlet 27th October 2010 at 5:43 pm - Reply

    Sasha,

    The feel the fear book wasn’t good imho. Anyhow you are in the last 5-10% or so, and gotta accept that this dull feeling and one of not enjoying life will accompany you for a while yet. It will go when you are fed up of it to the point where you don’t let it rule your life any more. I’d say force yourself to interact as and when you can regardless if you can be bothered or not. Smile and pretend you are interested… worked for me for ages 🙂

    Oh and yes,, self doubt will be there til the end, until you fully grasp the concepts on here and believe that they work (the proof is in the pudding so they say). Then you will be recovered fully.

    Just moved house to jbr a few days ago so am here briefly

    Marc

    yep everything you say I went through… no worries, you aren’t off yor rocker 😉 just get on with your day and let the odd feelings follow you and don’t pay them any mind… Promise you in time your normal emotions will come back.

    Viktor,

    “I have a question that will help me a lot if someone could answer it. These odd thoughts I have, are they the anxiety? or my worrying about them and letting them get to me the anxiety?
    The thoughts are just random odd thoughts that I let bother me. They are not scary thoughts, just odd thoughts that often make no sense”

    I’d say it’s the worrying that’s the anxiety, not the thought itself, it’s the reaction you are giving these odd thoughts. I can have an odd or troubling thought even now and I have learned give it no reaction. You have to learn to do this as well. Try changing your reaction to the thought from one of fear to one of amusement or indifference if you can. This really works with practice. Did you ever get the RC book Stop Thinking Start Living…. fab little book.

    No worries that you are having a setback, you just need to reinforce a few things that you learned. I had a major setback after one year into my recovery. Lasted ages as well, knocked me down to the ground again… but I picked myself up and here I am… this will be you too. Just follow all the advice that you have internalised already, and don’t pay heed to thoughts of this nature.

    Back soon

  106. scarlet 27th October 2010 at 5:43 pm - Reply

    Sasha,

    The feel the fear book wasn’t good imho. Anyhow you are in the last 5-10% or so, and gotta accept that this dull feeling and one of not enjoying life will accompany you for a while yet. It will go when you are fed up of it to the point where you don’t let it rule your life any more. I’d say force yourself to interact as and when you can regardless if you can be bothered or not. Smile and pretend you are interested… worked for me for ages 🙂

    Oh and yes,, self doubt will be there til the end, until you fully grasp the concepts on here and believe that they work (the proof is in the pudding so they say). Then you will be recovered fully.

    Just moved house to jbr a few days ago so am here briefly

    Marc

    yep everything you say I went through… no worries, you aren’t off yor rocker 😉 just get on with your day and let the odd feelings follow you and don’t pay them any mind… Promise you in time your normal emotions will come back.

    Viktor,

    “I have a question that will help me a lot if someone could answer it. These odd thoughts I have, are they the anxiety? or my worrying about them and letting them get to me the anxiety?
    The thoughts are just random odd thoughts that I let bother me. They are not scary thoughts, just odd thoughts that often make no sense”

    I’d say it’s the worrying that’s the anxiety, not the thought itself, it’s the reaction you are giving these odd thoughts. I can have an odd or troubling thought even now and I have learned give it no reaction. You have to learn to do this as well. Try changing your reaction to the thought from one of fear to one of amusement or indifference if you can. This really works with practice. Did you ever get the RC book Stop Thinking Start Living…. fab little book.

    No worries that you are having a setback, you just need to reinforce a few things that you learned. I had a major setback after one year into my recovery. Lasted ages as well, knocked me down to the ground again… but I picked myself up and here I am… this will be you too. Just follow all the advice that you have internalised already, and don’t pay heed to thoughts of this nature.

    Back soon

  107. Wayne 27th October 2010 at 6:15 pm - Reply

    I have been dealing with anxiety since January. Due to this site, especially Diana I am doing much better. I still have my moments but overall I am 95% better than I was earlier in the year.

    Now, when I run, bike and lift weights I am totally engaged in what I am doing instead of thinking about how I feel. Even when I listen to my IPod while exercising I am listening to the music and taking it all in instead of concentrating on how I feel.

    When I play with my two little girls I am listening to them and for the first time in a long time I am playing with them with such enjoyment I can’t describe. I am no longer focusing on me.

    Keep your head up everyone, this is a process but it is all worth it.

  108. Wayne 27th October 2010 at 6:15 pm - Reply

    I have been dealing with anxiety since January. Due to this site, especially Diana I am doing much better. I still have my moments but overall I am 95% better than I was earlier in the year.

    Now, when I run, bike and lift weights I am totally engaged in what I am doing instead of thinking about how I feel. Even when I listen to my IPod while exercising I am listening to the music and taking it all in instead of concentrating on how I feel.

    When I play with my two little girls I am listening to them and for the first time in a long time I am playing with them with such enjoyment I can’t describe. I am no longer focusing on me.

    Keep your head up everyone, this is a process but it is all worth it.

  109. Leslie 27th October 2010 at 6:49 pm - Reply

    Just a quick question for Scarlet (if you’re around!). When you talk about how long it took you to recover, are you saying that you suffered for a while before you started to grasp what was going on and started recovering? What I mean is, when you talk about how long it took you to recover, are you counting from the time that you first started suffering or from the point when you actually started to accept? I know it’s an odd question and the amount of time it takes isn’t important, but I’m just curious! The hardest thing for me is the memories of suffering or the memories of thoughts. Sometimes I question whether or not it’s right to just ignore everything (although deep down I know its right)…..it just feels so wrong at times to ignore things that feel so real. Did you ever wonder if you could put the whole thing behind you and move on? It just feels like I can’t let it go……like my mind won’t let me.

  110. Leslie 27th October 2010 at 6:49 pm - Reply

    Just a quick question for Scarlet (if you’re around!). When you talk about how long it took you to recover, are you saying that you suffered for a while before you started to grasp what was going on and started recovering? What I mean is, when you talk about how long it took you to recover, are you counting from the time that you first started suffering or from the point when you actually started to accept? I know it’s an odd question and the amount of time it takes isn’t important, but I’m just curious! The hardest thing for me is the memories of suffering or the memories of thoughts. Sometimes I question whether or not it’s right to just ignore everything (although deep down I know its right)…..it just feels so wrong at times to ignore things that feel so real. Did you ever wonder if you could put the whole thing behind you and move on? It just feels like I can’t let it go……like my mind won’t let me.

  111. Caron 27th October 2010 at 7:29 pm - Reply

    Hi Leslie, I know you posted to Scarlet but thought I may be able to help …. When I have recovered before, once I started to accept how I was feeling I can’t actually remember how long exactly till I was 100% but I remember thinking after a few weeks – wow! And then being really proud of myself! I hope that helps……
    Take care x

  112. Caron 27th October 2010 at 7:29 pm - Reply

    Hi Leslie, I know you posted to Scarlet but thought I may be able to help …. When I have recovered before, once I started to accept how I was feeling I can’t actually remember how long exactly till I was 100% but I remember thinking after a few weeks – wow! And then being really proud of myself! I hope that helps……
    Take care x

  113. Michelle Z 27th October 2010 at 7:58 pm - Reply

    Hi Everybody – Do you find this helps with depression, too? I seem to be doing better with anxiety, but the depression can settle in and feels so awful. Thanks for your thoughts!

  114. Michelle Z 27th October 2010 at 7:58 pm - Reply

    Hi Everybody – Do you find this helps with depression, too? I seem to be doing better with anxiety, but the depression can settle in and feels so awful. Thanks for your thoughts!

  115. Amanda 27th October 2010 at 9:40 pm - Reply

    james i have just read your post and i can identify with what you are saying about the intense feeling of D/P and D/R i get this , i think i am coping and then i get the intensity of these feelings that makes me feel really horrible and i think oh god this is it im really losing the plot and that sets me off on the fear cycle . i am begining to accept these feelings now and say to myself oh well if im going mad so be it, these feelings are frightening but i now realise it is still just the anxiety and if i was going mad i wouldnt be worrying about how im feeling hope this helps .

  116. Amanda 27th October 2010 at 9:40 pm - Reply

    james i have just read your post and i can identify with what you are saying about the intense feeling of D/P and D/R i get this , i think i am coping and then i get the intensity of these feelings that makes me feel really horrible and i think oh god this is it im really losing the plot and that sets me off on the fear cycle . i am begining to accept these feelings now and say to myself oh well if im going mad so be it, these feelings are frightening but i now realise it is still just the anxiety and if i was going mad i wouldnt be worrying about how im feeling hope this helps .

  117. jess 28th October 2010 at 4:59 am - Reply

    Jen
    please do not feel afraid this is soooo normal, these words ( thoughts) are just words. What you have done is attach fear to these words, the words are not the problem, the problem is ur reaction to them jen. What you need to try and do is not care if they are there…. Your body is in overdrive at the minute and lots and lots of adrenalin is running through your body this is what makes the mind chatter very loud and CONSTANTLY there and im assuming very aware of all ur thoughts. I remember at the beginning i thougt i was gooing mad, i used to get frustrated at the fact my bf could sit and watch a movie and relax when i was driving myself insane in my head trying to prove something that NEVER EVER had to be proven, my mind racing sooooo fast.

    Jen what you have to do now, is change ur reaction to these words. This is whaT I did and i hope it helps i created a classroom of worries, i invited these thoughts in i said to myself “come on anxiety come in, come sit down in my classroom i want to teach you im not afraid of you” ( get it teach? classroom? lol) when a really bad one came into my head i made it write on the blackboard with doing this little mental exercise i am taking control of this thought im am changing my reaction to this thought and i am re-training my brain to not fear something i do not have to fear. Now Jen im not going to say do this for a day and you will be cured… this has taken me months and jen i still have the thoughts but they really don’t bother me. They still make me feel a lil uncomfortable but its a hell of alot better than the pangs i used to get… I used to want to run away and hide! But i don’t now, coz i know how far i have come in 6 months i am very proud of myself and i know this acceptance method works. Jen it will take time, but you need to give ur mind lil breaks so it can restore itself… Im having periods now of hours where i dont even think about what ive went through, then ill remember and a thought may pop up but its sort of lik it doesn’t even register with me coz it doesn’t matter to me anymore. I know there will come a time, where my mind will eventually move on from this and that day could be tommorrow or could be in a years time i’ll accept whatever as i am just happy and proud at how far i have come.

    I hope this helps… Ill pop back in a few days and see how you are doing

    Take Care Jen

    and remember you DO NOT have to be afraid anymore. Its just anxiety!

    Jess xx

  118. jess 28th October 2010 at 4:59 am - Reply

    Jen
    please do not feel afraid this is soooo normal, these words ( thoughts) are just words. What you have done is attach fear to these words, the words are not the problem, the problem is ur reaction to them jen. What you need to try and do is not care if they are there…. Your body is in overdrive at the minute and lots and lots of adrenalin is running through your body this is what makes the mind chatter very loud and CONSTANTLY there and im assuming very aware of all ur thoughts. I remember at the beginning i thougt i was gooing mad, i used to get frustrated at the fact my bf could sit and watch a movie and relax when i was driving myself insane in my head trying to prove something that NEVER EVER had to be proven, my mind racing sooooo fast.

    Jen what you have to do now, is change ur reaction to these words. This is whaT I did and i hope it helps i created a classroom of worries, i invited these thoughts in i said to myself “come on anxiety come in, come sit down in my classroom i want to teach you im not afraid of you” ( get it teach? classroom? lol) when a really bad one came into my head i made it write on the blackboard with doing this little mental exercise i am taking control of this thought im am changing my reaction to this thought and i am re-training my brain to not fear something i do not have to fear. Now Jen im not going to say do this for a day and you will be cured… this has taken me months and jen i still have the thoughts but they really don’t bother me. They still make me feel a lil uncomfortable but its a hell of alot better than the pangs i used to get… I used to want to run away and hide! But i don’t now, coz i know how far i have come in 6 months i am very proud of myself and i know this acceptance method works. Jen it will take time, but you need to give ur mind lil breaks so it can restore itself… Im having periods now of hours where i dont even think about what ive went through, then ill remember and a thought may pop up but its sort of lik it doesn’t even register with me coz it doesn’t matter to me anymore. I know there will come a time, where my mind will eventually move on from this and that day could be tommorrow or could be in a years time i’ll accept whatever as i am just happy and proud at how far i have come.

    I hope this helps… Ill pop back in a few days and see how you are doing

    Take Care Jen

    and remember you DO NOT have to be afraid anymore. Its just anxiety!

    Jess xx

  119. sasha 28th October 2010 at 6:51 am - Reply

    Hey scarlet & Paul..

    i just found a lot of answers now…to the way i feel from the very beginning not when i just fell into this pit..actually i used to wonder since my college days why i wasnt able to enjoy the things which my peers did enjoy like they led a very carefree life i was always uptight making sure that nothing goes wrong anywhere anytime as if.. if you dont ‘do’ something it will go wrong!!!…how can someone live like that? foreseeing each and everything and ‘planning’ and if some nasty thought arises u may tend to even prevent that…nonsense…but to unbelieve those random thoughts u need to ‘understand’ them as just ‘thoughts’

    actually u know what.. i am happy that i went through all these hell lot of crappy feelings…i got the biggest REALISATION of my life..as noone can tell you whats wrong with your thinking neither can you find out for yourself…as i was always on the go with a tiring mind!!!…i used to get tired wherein my peers just do things randomly and they enjoy life..i used to get frustrated …never did i know what was wrong with me…

    i used to get upset easily and i take care of others the same way thinking they too will get affected if i behave that way…
    hence made my life a hell of tension !!!

    seriously i need to REWIRE my brain …this ‘thought virus’ actually affected me since a very long time untill it broke down the entire system..still i am not sad……!its time i learn a lesson..but its so difficult as all i know is analyse and worry..!

    when i want to do something dont know what all i take into account !!! which is not rquired at all making me indecisive, ineficient, scared and frustrated…and ultimatel self conscious..
    i have to get rid of this self consciousness which has made me unable to enjoy any situations..rather than making myself do everythign carefully…
    hell with it..

    i dont want any appreciation from anyone…i just want to get motivation frm myself and just focus on what i do…and ultimately peace…
    millions of thoughts run through my mind..even when i am aware(these days) that i am thinking i find it difficult to concentrate on what exactly i have to do..

    for people like me 1% of DP will do good becuse then i can tink only ‘what’ is required not being conscious ofthe surroundings…h
    each time i clear my mind..then begin making me believe what all i percieved is utter crap…i was so fed up last 2 days..hence these many confessions..i know the route but through habit i always tend to go the wrong way..!!!
    take care all of u my dear friends..!!!

  120. sasha 28th October 2010 at 6:51 am - Reply

    Hey scarlet & Paul..

    i just found a lot of answers now…to the way i feel from the very beginning not when i just fell into this pit..actually i used to wonder since my college days why i wasnt able to enjoy the things which my peers did enjoy like they led a very carefree life i was always uptight making sure that nothing goes wrong anywhere anytime as if.. if you dont ‘do’ something it will go wrong!!!…how can someone live like that? foreseeing each and everything and ‘planning’ and if some nasty thought arises u may tend to even prevent that…nonsense…but to unbelieve those random thoughts u need to ‘understand’ them as just ‘thoughts’

    actually u know what.. i am happy that i went through all these hell lot of crappy feelings…i got the biggest REALISATION of my life..as noone can tell you whats wrong with your thinking neither can you find out for yourself…as i was always on the go with a tiring mind!!!…i used to get tired wherein my peers just do things randomly and they enjoy life..i used to get frustrated …never did i know what was wrong with me…

    i used to get upset easily and i take care of others the same way thinking they too will get affected if i behave that way…
    hence made my life a hell of tension !!!

    seriously i need to REWIRE my brain …this ‘thought virus’ actually affected me since a very long time untill it broke down the entire system..still i am not sad……!its time i learn a lesson..but its so difficult as all i know is analyse and worry..!

    when i want to do something dont know what all i take into account !!! which is not rquired at all making me indecisive, ineficient, scared and frustrated…and ultimatel self conscious..
    i have to get rid of this self consciousness which has made me unable to enjoy any situations..rather than making myself do everythign carefully…
    hell with it..

    i dont want any appreciation from anyone…i just want to get motivation frm myself and just focus on what i do…and ultimately peace…
    millions of thoughts run through my mind..even when i am aware(these days) that i am thinking i find it difficult to concentrate on what exactly i have to do..

    for people like me 1% of DP will do good becuse then i can tink only ‘what’ is required not being conscious ofthe surroundings…h
    each time i clear my mind..then begin making me believe what all i percieved is utter crap…i was so fed up last 2 days..hence these many confessions..i know the route but through habit i always tend to go the wrong way..!!!
    take care all of u my dear friends..!!!

  121. Caron 28th October 2010 at 7:07 am - Reply

    Hi Guys,

    Can anyone help me with a ‘thought’ that has come on?

    Last night I was analysing why I have anxiety like this and the thought popped into my mind that maybe it is my boyfriend causing it?
    It is silly becasue he is the love of my life, we live together (have never lived with anyone before) and hopefully will marry. Of course now I am just going over all his bad points and the bad points of our relationship and convincing myself I must split up with him or I will never get better!

    I know deep down this is silly and splitting up with him is the last thing I want to do but the thought is there!

    Please can someone give me some reassurance that it is anxiety playing tricks on me……

    x

  122. Caron 28th October 2010 at 7:07 am - Reply

    Hi Guys,

    Can anyone help me with a ‘thought’ that has come on?

    Last night I was analysing why I have anxiety like this and the thought popped into my mind that maybe it is my boyfriend causing it?
    It is silly becasue he is the love of my life, we live together (have never lived with anyone before) and hopefully will marry. Of course now I am just going over all his bad points and the bad points of our relationship and convincing myself I must split up with him or I will never get better!

    I know deep down this is silly and splitting up with him is the last thing I want to do but the thought is there!

    Please can someone give me some reassurance that it is anxiety playing tricks on me……

    x

  123. Jen 28th October 2010 at 8:18 am - Reply

    Hi jess, you are so nice and supportive thank you.when you say a classroom of worries,do u stop dwelling on the word or thought and let it be there?i spend alot of time worrying what word or thought wil come in.i am most fearful of the thought staying with me for a long time.i will do what you said and understand its a process.its so hard not to be afraid of the day.thanks again.you sound like you are doing realy well and from reading your posts before you seemed like you suffered alot.i hope i can be like you.jen x

  124. Jen 28th October 2010 at 8:18 am - Reply

    Hi jess, you are so nice and supportive thank you.when you say a classroom of worries,do u stop dwelling on the word or thought and let it be there?i spend alot of time worrying what word or thought wil come in.i am most fearful of the thought staying with me for a long time.i will do what you said and understand its a process.its so hard not to be afraid of the day.thanks again.you sound like you are doing realy well and from reading your posts before you seemed like you suffered alot.i hope i can be like you.jen x

  125. jess 28th October 2010 at 8:30 am - Reply

    yeah Jen i got myself into a bit of a puddle, and im not 100% yet but im getting there with just accepting these ridiculous thoughts… Now i remember at my worst jen i would have thoughts that scared the life outa me that hung around for days because i analysed them tried to work them out when i didn’t need to…. Jen just let the thoughts words be there invite them in because you need to teach ur mind that you are not afraid which you shouldnt be. Jen you can be like me… Just keep your routine and do not let anxiety get in your way…. as many people have said before you treat it like a bully it will treat you like a victim! Remember you are strong we all have the ability to recover from this, just trust in yourself jen…

    Ill keep in touch

    Your friend

    Jess

  126. jess 28th October 2010 at 8:30 am - Reply

    yeah Jen i got myself into a bit of a puddle, and im not 100% yet but im getting there with just accepting these ridiculous thoughts… Now i remember at my worst jen i would have thoughts that scared the life outa me that hung around for days because i analysed them tried to work them out when i didn’t need to…. Jen just let the thoughts words be there invite them in because you need to teach ur mind that you are not afraid which you shouldnt be. Jen you can be like me… Just keep your routine and do not let anxiety get in your way…. as many people have said before you treat it like a bully it will treat you like a victim! Remember you are strong we all have the ability to recover from this, just trust in yourself jen…

    Ill keep in touch

    Your friend

    Jess

  127. Caron 28th October 2010 at 8:40 am - Reply

    Jess, you really are an inspiration! x

  128. Caron 28th October 2010 at 8:40 am - Reply

    Jess, you really are an inspiration! x

  129. James 28th October 2010 at 9:31 am - Reply

    Hi Amanda,

    Thanks for the reply. Yes, isn’t intense D/P and D/R awful? The thing is, that it isn’t just the fear of going mad that I have. In addition, I get this truly horrendous feeling like there is this black hole in my head or something, with just a torturous feeling since. It really is hellish.

    I guess it’s just a mixture of anxiety and depression. It bothers me though as it seems too terrible to be normal.

  130. James 28th October 2010 at 9:31 am - Reply

    Hi Amanda,

    Thanks for the reply. Yes, isn’t intense D/P and D/R awful? The thing is, that it isn’t just the fear of going mad that I have. In addition, I get this truly horrendous feeling like there is this black hole in my head or something, with just a torturous feeling since. It really is hellish.

    I guess it’s just a mixture of anxiety and depression. It bothers me though as it seems too terrible to be normal.

  131. scarlet 28th October 2010 at 10:58 am - Reply

    Hi Leslie,

    “Just a quick question for Scarlet (if you’re around!). When you talk about how long it took you to recover, are you saying that you suffered for a while before you started to grasp what was going on and started recovering?

    Took me two years, the first year I walked around in the daze not believing that it was only anxiety/depression I had. Then I found online PND help, and then encountered Paul along the way who helped me enormously with the last few pieces of the jigsaw puzzle. The rest is history.

    “What I mean is, when you talk about how long it took you to recover, are you counting from the time that you first started suffering or from the point when you actually started to accept?”

    After hitting rock bottom, for me the time after that (i.e. climbing out of the pit) was recovery for me and this is what I refer to, although I can only see this in hindsight… whilst suffering I never realised I was recovering until around 90 percent or so.

  132. scarlet 28th October 2010 at 10:58 am - Reply

    Hi Leslie,

    “Just a quick question for Scarlet (if you’re around!). When you talk about how long it took you to recover, are you saying that you suffered for a while before you started to grasp what was going on and started recovering?

    Took me two years, the first year I walked around in the daze not believing that it was only anxiety/depression I had. Then I found online PND help, and then encountered Paul along the way who helped me enormously with the last few pieces of the jigsaw puzzle. The rest is history.

    “What I mean is, when you talk about how long it took you to recover, are you counting from the time that you first started suffering or from the point when you actually started to accept?”

    After hitting rock bottom, for me the time after that (i.e. climbing out of the pit) was recovery for me and this is what I refer to, although I can only see this in hindsight… whilst suffering I never realised I was recovering until around 90 percent or so.

  133. Leslie 28th October 2010 at 12:15 pm - Reply

    Thanks so much for the replies, Scarlet and Caron. While you were recovering, did you ever have the feeling that it was wrong to move on after everything you’ve been through? I am truly doing sooo much better, but I still always feel like something’s stopping me from doing everything I normally did. It’s like I feel like I shouldn’t recover or something…..very weird. And did you struggle with just being able to put the whole behind you and move on from it…..no longer considering it something that was important anymore? Is this something that comes with time? Because sometimes I feel like it’s really not that important, and other times I obsess over it.

  134. Leslie 28th October 2010 at 12:15 pm - Reply

    Thanks so much for the replies, Scarlet and Caron. While you were recovering, did you ever have the feeling that it was wrong to move on after everything you’ve been through? I am truly doing sooo much better, but I still always feel like something’s stopping me from doing everything I normally did. It’s like I feel like I shouldn’t recover or something…..very weird. And did you struggle with just being able to put the whole behind you and move on from it…..no longer considering it something that was important anymore? Is this something that comes with time? Because sometimes I feel like it’s really not that important, and other times I obsess over it.

  135. Helen 28th October 2010 at 12:27 pm - Reply

    Caron,
    I had exactly the same thing and it is horrible and it floored me completely for a while. The worst thing that you can do is analyse what it happening because part of anxiety, for me anyway, is wanting perfection so that nothing goes wrong. As we all know, no relationship is perfect and when you try and analyse, you will find things you don’t particularily like or that you feel could be improved on, this is fine when you aren’t suffering from anxiety but your body and mind are in a heightened state ready to jump on any slight fear or worry. With anxiety you feel like there is something you have got to ‘put right’ or change. “if I do this or that, it will get better”. You are probably thinking that obviously your partner is the problem and so to fix it or get better you need to leave him. This isn’t true Caron. Deep down you know that you do not want to leave him but anxiety has taken over and you can’t stop the ‘what if’s’. What you need to do is to not try and push these thoughts away, don’t try and rationalise what you are thinking and don’t analyse them. Go about your every day routine and carry on as normal. Let the thoughts do what they want, you don’t have to act on them and I promise you it will go. Anxiety picks on the things you fear most and, quite often, on the people you love most. How else will it survive? You will be absolutely fine x

  136. Helen 28th October 2010 at 12:27 pm - Reply

    Caron,
    I had exactly the same thing and it is horrible and it floored me completely for a while. The worst thing that you can do is analyse what it happening because part of anxiety, for me anyway, is wanting perfection so that nothing goes wrong. As we all know, no relationship is perfect and when you try and analyse, you will find things you don’t particularily like or that you feel could be improved on, this is fine when you aren’t suffering from anxiety but your body and mind are in a heightened state ready to jump on any slight fear or worry. With anxiety you feel like there is something you have got to ‘put right’ or change. “if I do this or that, it will get better”. You are probably thinking that obviously your partner is the problem and so to fix it or get better you need to leave him. This isn’t true Caron. Deep down you know that you do not want to leave him but anxiety has taken over and you can’t stop the ‘what if’s’. What you need to do is to not try and push these thoughts away, don’t try and rationalise what you are thinking and don’t analyse them. Go about your every day routine and carry on as normal. Let the thoughts do what they want, you don’t have to act on them and I promise you it will go. Anxiety picks on the things you fear most and, quite often, on the people you love most. How else will it survive? You will be absolutely fine x

  137. Caron 28th October 2010 at 1:48 pm - Reply

    Thanks Helen,
    I know that splitting up with my boyfriend is just me thinking of a quick fix when in reality if i split up with him I would be devastated.
    I know I can get past this has have done it before but when you’re in the middle of it and everything is so scary its hard not to be impatient isnt it.

    Thank you to everyone on here though and to Paul, the support on here is so on the button as I have finally found people who understand and share my experiences which is a comfort in itself.

    I hope some of the things I have posted have also helped some of you.

    Keep Smiling
    Caron x

  138. Caron 28th October 2010 at 1:48 pm - Reply

    Thanks Helen,
    I know that splitting up with my boyfriend is just me thinking of a quick fix when in reality if i split up with him I would be devastated.
    I know I can get past this has have done it before but when you’re in the middle of it and everything is so scary its hard not to be impatient isnt it.

    Thank you to everyone on here though and to Paul, the support on here is so on the button as I have finally found people who understand and share my experiences which is a comfort in itself.

    I hope some of the things I have posted have also helped some of you.

    Keep Smiling
    Caron x

  139. Amanda 28th October 2010 at 4:32 pm - Reply

    Hi James i was once told that your nerves can do really funny things to you, from someone who had suffered in the past so no matter how your feeling even if you dont hear somebody else having the same fears and feelings as yourself it is all anxiety i myself have weird and horrible feelings that i dont hear other people talking about and i used to question it, now no matter how bad i feel i just tell myself that its the anxiety its hard and sometimes i feel that bad i find it hard to cope but i know im going to better in time we just need to accept every feeling and every fear i have suffered alot of times with anxiety and really badly but i have always got better and i know now the way i have to go so i never let it blight my life again keep your chin up and know your not going to be like this forever

  140. Amanda 28th October 2010 at 4:32 pm - Reply

    Hi James i was once told that your nerves can do really funny things to you, from someone who had suffered in the past so no matter how your feeling even if you dont hear somebody else having the same fears and feelings as yourself it is all anxiety i myself have weird and horrible feelings that i dont hear other people talking about and i used to question it, now no matter how bad i feel i just tell myself that its the anxiety its hard and sometimes i feel that bad i find it hard to cope but i know im going to better in time we just need to accept every feeling and every fear i have suffered alot of times with anxiety and really badly but i have always got better and i know now the way i have to go so i never let it blight my life again keep your chin up and know your not going to be like this forever

  141. Anon1986 28th October 2010 at 6:23 pm - Reply

    Hi everybody, this is my first post on here since i began suffering in february but really need to come on for some advice. I discovered this place in may and have slowly been recovering since, with plenty of ups and downs. Very recently I have felt almost back to normal. I went away last weekend with friends and felt no anxiety until i made a huge mistake. I have a girlfriend of almost 2 years but last weekend i ended up getting drunk and dancing with an older woman, who then kissed me for literally no more than 2 seconds. My girlfriend is the love of my life, and i have been crying knowing that this has happened. The problem is that the anxiety is taking over and it is telling me that it is a huge deal, when in reality, it could have been so much worse. Part of me wants to tell her but it would break her heart and I dont want to do that one bit, as I then think it is only a very small thing so is it worth telling anyway? And then i think, oh my god, i was doing so well and now i have done this, i feel like the time that i worried which was the onset of my anxiety in the first place!!

    Basically I just want help regarding how to ward off these feelings of regret, as they obviously seem ten times bigger with anxiety. I know something like this will never happen again as it has made me feel this way and it has just made me realise how much i love and care for her. Im finding it hard to use the “whatever” attitude because this time i’ve actually done something bad.

    Please help…

  142. Anon1986 28th October 2010 at 6:23 pm - Reply

    Hi everybody, this is my first post on here since i began suffering in february but really need to come on for some advice. I discovered this place in may and have slowly been recovering since, with plenty of ups and downs. Very recently I have felt almost back to normal. I went away last weekend with friends and felt no anxiety until i made a huge mistake. I have a girlfriend of almost 2 years but last weekend i ended up getting drunk and dancing with an older woman, who then kissed me for literally no more than 2 seconds. My girlfriend is the love of my life, and i have been crying knowing that this has happened. The problem is that the anxiety is taking over and it is telling me that it is a huge deal, when in reality, it could have been so much worse. Part of me wants to tell her but it would break her heart and I dont want to do that one bit, as I then think it is only a very small thing so is it worth telling anyway? And then i think, oh my god, i was doing so well and now i have done this, i feel like the time that i worried which was the onset of my anxiety in the first place!!

    Basically I just want help regarding how to ward off these feelings of regret, as they obviously seem ten times bigger with anxiety. I know something like this will never happen again as it has made me feel this way and it has just made me realise how much i love and care for her. Im finding it hard to use the “whatever” attitude because this time i’ve actually done something bad.

    Please help…

  143. Caron 28th October 2010 at 8:51 pm - Reply

    Hi Leslie, I know what you mean about almost feeling guilty to forget about how awful things were? It’s like we have to remind ourselves of just how horrible it is! As you recover though you do just simply forget until you are not thinking about it all and it really does fade x

  144. Caron 28th October 2010 at 8:51 pm - Reply

    Hi Leslie, I know what you mean about almost feeling guilty to forget about how awful things were? It’s like we have to remind ourselves of just how horrible it is! As you recover though you do just simply forget until you are not thinking about it all and it really does fade x

  145. Matt K 28th October 2010 at 10:22 pm - Reply

    Hey Scarlet,

    I just read your post above and was curious what “PMD Help” is? I have been dealing with anxiety off and on for 19 years, but the past two have been pretty awful, up and down a lot. I have done some CBT therapy in the past, but I find the constant recording hard to do. I just started seeing a therapist today to keep working towards recovery. He has gone through this himself, so that is reassuring. He did say however that he still has uncomfortable levels of anxiety sometimes, but doesnt everyone? He just does not spin it anymore……He said allowing the symptoms and thoughts to just be there is very important. I get that message from Pauls book as well. How did you go about just allowing the anxiety to be there without freaking out about how you felt or if you will ever get better. I think I worry about never getting better and being like this forever, losing my job, not functioning, etc…… I’m working on trying to allow it, but when I sit at work and feel like I want to jump out of my skin, its hard to just say whatever….. Does that make sense?

  146. Matt K 28th October 2010 at 10:22 pm - Reply

    Hey Scarlet,

    I just read your post above and was curious what “PMD Help” is? I have been dealing with anxiety off and on for 19 years, but the past two have been pretty awful, up and down a lot. I have done some CBT therapy in the past, but I find the constant recording hard to do. I just started seeing a therapist today to keep working towards recovery. He has gone through this himself, so that is reassuring. He did say however that he still has uncomfortable levels of anxiety sometimes, but doesnt everyone? He just does not spin it anymore……He said allowing the symptoms and thoughts to just be there is very important. I get that message from Pauls book as well. How did you go about just allowing the anxiety to be there without freaking out about how you felt or if you will ever get better. I think I worry about never getting better and being like this forever, losing my job, not functioning, etc…… I’m working on trying to allow it, but when I sit at work and feel like I want to jump out of my skin, its hard to just say whatever….. Does that make sense?

  147. Sara 29th October 2010 at 9:21 am - Reply

    Hi all,

    Just wanted to say what an inspiration this site is and how much is it helping and reassuring me that I am not going mad and I can relate so much to what is posted on here, it’s such a relief to FINALLY discover I’m not the only one!!
    Helen and Caron I COMPLETLEY relate to what you are saying. I have had obsessive anxious thoughts for the last 8 years, suffered so much I just thought this was the way i was. I no idea what they were about until I had a breakdown last november. It was awful, I had become so consumed by one thought that I couldn’t get out of bed and literally thought I was losing my mind. I told my partner everything and he was completely understanding and supportive I went to the doctor, started CBT, anti depressants etc etc (i had had therapy the year before which although good didn’t really help to adjust my thinking) anyway, because I had no idea that my thoughts were anxiety based and adrenilin finding an outlet. I still continued to pay them too much attention and constantly analyse how I felt and what i was thinking. So one thought was replaced by another and I have had exactly the same experience as you regarding thoughts about my partner. Some mornings the thoughts would be going round and round my head like a mantra then i’d look at him and I couldn’t connect the thoughts to the person I was seeing which was in some way a relief. I also know deep down I do not want to leave him-in fact it’s the last thing I want to do, like you Caron I live with my boyfriend and am hoping that we can build a really strong future together. It is my anxiety finding an outlet as all the numerous obssessive thoughts I’ve had over the years were. Helen, thanks for your wise words about perfection too..I think this is something i have suffered with for a long time too. It is anxiety always seeking out the worst case senario and trying to almost find evidence for that one thought. It is tough though as there is always the niggling doubt in the background but the more I read this blog the more I realise that this is memories of the past and habit at work. We’ve just got to trust in ourselves and like Paul David says let our mind and body heal.
    Caron-we sound so similar! Sleep is a big issue for me i find myself waking up in the middle of the night and the thoughts beginnning, the constant monitoring of how I feel etc. In the morning I’m shattered and in fact was having a bad one until I started to write this today! I suppose all we can do is go with it, the butterflies etc and keep that little bit of hope above all that we will be ok and the knowledege that all it is is anxiety playing it’s tricks.
    Stay strong everyone and once again thanks to you all for sharing on here it really has been the turning point for me discovering this blog.
    Take care
    Saraxxx

  148. Sara 29th October 2010 at 9:21 am - Reply

    Hi all,

    Just wanted to say what an inspiration this site is and how much is it helping and reassuring me that I am not going mad and I can relate so much to what is posted on here, it’s such a relief to FINALLY discover I’m not the only one!!
    Helen and Caron I COMPLETLEY relate to what you are saying. I have had obsessive anxious thoughts for the last 8 years, suffered so much I just thought this was the way i was. I no idea what they were about until I had a breakdown last november. It was awful, I had become so consumed by one thought that I couldn’t get out of bed and literally thought I was losing my mind. I told my partner everything and he was completely understanding and supportive I went to the doctor, started CBT, anti depressants etc etc (i had had therapy the year before which although good didn’t really help to adjust my thinking) anyway, because I had no idea that my thoughts were anxiety based and adrenilin finding an outlet. I still continued to pay them too much attention and constantly analyse how I felt and what i was thinking. So one thought was replaced by another and I have had exactly the same experience as you regarding thoughts about my partner. Some mornings the thoughts would be going round and round my head like a mantra then i’d look at him and I couldn’t connect the thoughts to the person I was seeing which was in some way a relief. I also know deep down I do not want to leave him-in fact it’s the last thing I want to do, like you Caron I live with my boyfriend and am hoping that we can build a really strong future together. It is my anxiety finding an outlet as all the numerous obssessive thoughts I’ve had over the years were. Helen, thanks for your wise words about perfection too..I think this is something i have suffered with for a long time too. It is anxiety always seeking out the worst case senario and trying to almost find evidence for that one thought. It is tough though as there is always the niggling doubt in the background but the more I read this blog the more I realise that this is memories of the past and habit at work. We’ve just got to trust in ourselves and like Paul David says let our mind and body heal.
    Caron-we sound so similar! Sleep is a big issue for me i find myself waking up in the middle of the night and the thoughts beginnning, the constant monitoring of how I feel etc. In the morning I’m shattered and in fact was having a bad one until I started to write this today! I suppose all we can do is go with it, the butterflies etc and keep that little bit of hope above all that we will be ok and the knowledege that all it is is anxiety playing it’s tricks.
    Stay strong everyone and once again thanks to you all for sharing on here it really has been the turning point for me discovering this blog.
    Take care
    Saraxxx

  149. Michelle Z 29th October 2010 at 11:04 am - Reply

    Hi Everybody – I love how positive this blog is and how helpful so many of you are! I’ve suffered with anxiety off and on my whole life. Was doing very well for many years, but through some ongoing stress and surgery earlier this year, began with the obsessive scary thoughts, anxiety, depression, etc. I think I am slowly beginning to get better, especially after reading Paul’s book, but notice the one area that is still hanging around is the depression. I think it’s from stress still ongoing and just exhaustion. I am hopeful that with continuing to accept and stop fighting it that this too will go away. Has anyone else experienced this and/or do you think that will help? Thanks!

  150. Michelle Z 29th October 2010 at 11:04 am - Reply

    Hi Everybody – I love how positive this blog is and how helpful so many of you are! I’ve suffered with anxiety off and on my whole life. Was doing very well for many years, but through some ongoing stress and surgery earlier this year, began with the obsessive scary thoughts, anxiety, depression, etc. I think I am slowly beginning to get better, especially after reading Paul’s book, but notice the one area that is still hanging around is the depression. I think it’s from stress still ongoing and just exhaustion. I am hopeful that with continuing to accept and stop fighting it that this too will go away. Has anyone else experienced this and/or do you think that will help? Thanks!

  151. Caron 29th October 2010 at 11:53 am - Reply

    Hi Sara,

    Thanks for your blog – I agree we are so similar! you are right, we need to keep telling ourselves our thoughts are just our anxiety and excess adrenalin needing a release. My company has an EAP programme and I have contacted them, they rung me back this morning to discuss how am feeling and basically use the same methods as Paul about not paying attention to our thoughts or saying ‘whats that about – its jst a thought’ when they come along. He is going to set me up with some more telephone counselling so I can build on the techniques I am learning in Paul’s book.
    I am supposed to be going on an educational at work on the 10th Nov to Maurtitus. I know it sounds fab and I am sure you will think I am ungrateful for questioning it but I can’t decide if its a good idea – any suggestions?
    xx

  152. Caron 29th October 2010 at 11:53 am - Reply

    Hi Sara,

    Thanks for your blog – I agree we are so similar! you are right, we need to keep telling ourselves our thoughts are just our anxiety and excess adrenalin needing a release. My company has an EAP programme and I have contacted them, they rung me back this morning to discuss how am feeling and basically use the same methods as Paul about not paying attention to our thoughts or saying ‘whats that about – its jst a thought’ when they come along. He is going to set me up with some more telephone counselling so I can build on the techniques I am learning in Paul’s book.
    I am supposed to be going on an educational at work on the 10th Nov to Maurtitus. I know it sounds fab and I am sure you will think I am ungrateful for questioning it but I can’t decide if its a good idea – any suggestions?
    xx

  153. sara 29th October 2010 at 12:50 pm - Reply

    Hi Caron,

    No problem! It is so hard to constantly remind yourself that it is anxiety and adrenalin that cause these thoughts but i’m of the belief that the more we do this the more of a habit it will become. I mean if we look at the fact many people on here have similar (if not the same!) thoughts and reactions to anxiety it does provide comfort to know that the thoughts are not real because so many people who have anxiety experience them too. That for me has been AMAZING and although I do have the doubts that can hit me really hard this knowledge does help and it’s something to hang on to when your’e really low.
    I think what we also need to try to do is not expect it to be a quick fix or something that will just go away overnight. It’s so frustrating and dissapointing at times but it is a matter of holding onto to that little voice that tells you that there is light at the end of the tunnel no matter how much the other thoughts and feelings get in the way.
    I too get really anxious about going away, especially for work, but i think if you want to go you should do and not let anxiety get in the way of what could be a really good experience. You might still get anxious but I think it’s all part and parcel of this thing, of living how you want your life to be and not let anxiety make decisions for you.
    Reading back on this I realise I am giving myself some advice here! It’s so hard to break those habits and like I said before I’ve had a particular rough few days but I’m also so pleased that I can also can also say that I now finally understand what’s been going on with me for so long!
    Anyway..I think if you want to Caron..go for it! It’s probably the fear of anxiety rearing it’s head that is holding you back and if it does you’ve got the knowledge now that that’s all it is and nothing to worry about!
    Good luck!
    xx

  154. sara 29th October 2010 at 12:50 pm - Reply

    Hi Caron,

    No problem! It is so hard to constantly remind yourself that it is anxiety and adrenalin that cause these thoughts but i’m of the belief that the more we do this the more of a habit it will become. I mean if we look at the fact many people on here have similar (if not the same!) thoughts and reactions to anxiety it does provide comfort to know that the thoughts are not real because so many people who have anxiety experience them too. That for me has been AMAZING and although I do have the doubts that can hit me really hard this knowledge does help and it’s something to hang on to when your’e really low.
    I think what we also need to try to do is not expect it to be a quick fix or something that will just go away overnight. It’s so frustrating and dissapointing at times but it is a matter of holding onto to that little voice that tells you that there is light at the end of the tunnel no matter how much the other thoughts and feelings get in the way.
    I too get really anxious about going away, especially for work, but i think if you want to go you should do and not let anxiety get in the way of what could be a really good experience. You might still get anxious but I think it’s all part and parcel of this thing, of living how you want your life to be and not let anxiety make decisions for you.
    Reading back on this I realise I am giving myself some advice here! It’s so hard to break those habits and like I said before I’ve had a particular rough few days but I’m also so pleased that I can also can also say that I now finally understand what’s been going on with me for so long!
    Anyway..I think if you want to Caron..go for it! It’s probably the fear of anxiety rearing it’s head that is holding you back and if it does you’ve got the knowledge now that that’s all it is and nothing to worry about!
    Good luck!
    xx

  155. Michelle Z 29th October 2010 at 1:02 pm - Reply

    Hi Caron,

    I know you directed your question to Sara, but I just had to chime in and say “Go for it!” You are learning the tools to help you face any situation. A big part of recovery is to go toward each new situation and not run from it. This will help you to gain confidence in yourself. You can do it!

  156. Michelle Z 29th October 2010 at 1:02 pm - Reply

    Hi Caron,

    I know you directed your question to Sara, but I just had to chime in and say “Go for it!” You are learning the tools to help you face any situation. A big part of recovery is to go toward each new situation and not run from it. This will help you to gain confidence in yourself. You can do it!

  157. Paul David (Admin) 29th October 2010 at 2:55 pm - Reply

    A friends mother passed away last week so I have had to take a break and help him sort things out.

    Plenty of new people around, sorry not everyone’s questions can be answered, there are just too many sometimes for those that do offer advice to help everyone. With the blog beeen mentioned in the book it does seem to get far more visitors, but hopefully it stays personal enough where people can fine some extra help and support. I will try and pop on from time to time and pass on some advice when I have a bit more time, I often get asked to build websites for friends and family and I am very busy with these at the minute. I will though post some stories of success in my next post.

  158. Paul David (Admin) 29th October 2010 at 2:55 pm - Reply

    A friends mother passed away last week so I have had to take a break and help him sort things out.

    Plenty of new people around, sorry not everyone’s questions can be answered, there are just too many sometimes for those that do offer advice to help everyone. With the blog beeen mentioned in the book it does seem to get far more visitors, but hopefully it stays personal enough where people can fine some extra help and support. I will try and pop on from time to time and pass on some advice when I have a bit more time, I often get asked to build websites for friends and family and I am very busy with these at the minute. I will though post some stories of success in my next post.

  159. scarlet 29th October 2010 at 5:33 pm - Reply

    Hey Matt,

    “I just read your post above and was curious what “PMD Help” is?”

    I had postnatal anxiety and depression, and the help I received was from a Post Natal Depression (PND) forum before I encountered Paul and his blog.

    “He did say however that he still has uncomfortable levels of anxiety sometimes, but doesnt everyone? He just does not spin it anymore”

    I personally don’t get any more uncomfortable levels of anxiety like your therapist said, perhaps I might get a pang or two before I fly, but it’s never at the stage it was in the early days, as I now put what I have learned into practice straight away,
    ie I don’t give an anxious emotional response to thoughts, I change my response to one of indifference, or a couldn’t care less response. So for eg. with flying, even before I had anxiety i could think myself into a bit of a panic just thinking about it. These days I think about the flight I’m about to make and if I feel myself getting a wee bit anxious, I change my internal dialogue from one of “Oh my Gawd………what if this?, what if that?” to one of “ya know what, whatever happens I’ll cope” and this in turn changes my emotional response. Works all the time now as well.

  160. scarlet 29th October 2010 at 5:33 pm - Reply

    Hey Matt,

    “I just read your post above and was curious what “PMD Help” is?”

    I had postnatal anxiety and depression, and the help I received was from a Post Natal Depression (PND) forum before I encountered Paul and his blog.

    “He did say however that he still has uncomfortable levels of anxiety sometimes, but doesnt everyone? He just does not spin it anymore”

    I personally don’t get any more uncomfortable levels of anxiety like your therapist said, perhaps I might get a pang or two before I fly, but it’s never at the stage it was in the early days, as I now put what I have learned into practice straight away,
    ie I don’t give an anxious emotional response to thoughts, I change my response to one of indifference, or a couldn’t care less response. So for eg. with flying, even before I had anxiety i could think myself into a bit of a panic just thinking about it. These days I think about the flight I’m about to make and if I feel myself getting a wee bit anxious, I change my internal dialogue from one of “Oh my Gawd………what if this?, what if that?” to one of “ya know what, whatever happens I’ll cope” and this in turn changes my emotional response. Works all the time now as well.

  161. sasha 29th October 2010 at 7:45 pm - Reply

    Hi Scarlet

    as i said i’m with the very low mood phase for the past couple of days….it isnt anxiety …anything that catches my attention is of negative light and that drains my energy though i am aware of it just cudnt think otherwise..what cud i better do in such situations..? i am not avoiding anything..but whatever i do i am so hyperaware of my mood and that is not allowing me to get absorbed in anything or be in a neutral state of mind however i try to convince myself that its just thoughts …i feel thoughts seems to have more power on my mood status than me as a person..how sad..!
    Pls help…

  162. sasha 29th October 2010 at 7:45 pm - Reply

    Hi Scarlet

    as i said i’m with the very low mood phase for the past couple of days….it isnt anxiety …anything that catches my attention is of negative light and that drains my energy though i am aware of it just cudnt think otherwise..what cud i better do in such situations..? i am not avoiding anything..but whatever i do i am so hyperaware of my mood and that is not allowing me to get absorbed in anything or be in a neutral state of mind however i try to convince myself that its just thoughts …i feel thoughts seems to have more power on my mood status than me as a person..how sad..!
    Pls help…

  163. yolande 30th October 2010 at 10:19 am - Reply

    Hiya Scarlet,

    Hope you are doing well. I just need some advice here – i recently started on a new job – been 5 mths into it and just last week i had a new boss in addition to the current one. the workload is creeping up and as usual i strted feeling anxious abt whether i cud cope. i wud difficulty in breathing sometimes but i do deep slow breathing to ease the tension. but more importantly whether all thess stress wud casue my anxiety to relapse??? this i confess, is what i am most afraid of. i tell myself that it’s just anxiety making me feel this way but i would like some advice if you can.

    It’s been a year since i hve anxiety and basically have come a long way since May this year – i still have some way to go before i hit full recovery.

    i just worry that maybe ppl with anxiety shdnt work in stressful jobs??? or is it how we manage stress that’s the issue?

    appreciate your advice or anyone’s for that matter.

    thanks so much

  164. yolande 30th October 2010 at 10:19 am - Reply

    Hiya Scarlet,

    Hope you are doing well. I just need some advice here – i recently started on a new job – been 5 mths into it and just last week i had a new boss in addition to the current one. the workload is creeping up and as usual i strted feeling anxious abt whether i cud cope. i wud difficulty in breathing sometimes but i do deep slow breathing to ease the tension. but more importantly whether all thess stress wud casue my anxiety to relapse??? this i confess, is what i am most afraid of. i tell myself that it’s just anxiety making me feel this way but i would like some advice if you can.

    It’s been a year since i hve anxiety and basically have come a long way since May this year – i still have some way to go before i hit full recovery.

    i just worry that maybe ppl with anxiety shdnt work in stressful jobs??? or is it how we manage stress that’s the issue?

    appreciate your advice or anyone’s for that matter.

    thanks so much

  165. Caron 30th October 2010 at 10:29 am - Reply

    Hi Scarlet, I totally know how you feel- even if you have something good to do you think “well I won’t enjoy it because these thoughts will be here”. I think you just have to try and be strong with yourself and say so what if they’re there – they can’t harm me and I will enjoy myself! Does that make sense ?

    I had a good day yesterday but then some awful thoughts came on in the afternoon, more like paranoia- has anyone ever had this? X

  166. Caron 30th October 2010 at 10:29 am - Reply

    Hi Scarlet, I totally know how you feel- even if you have something good to do you think “well I won’t enjoy it because these thoughts will be here”. I think you just have to try and be strong with yourself and say so what if they’re there – they can’t harm me and I will enjoy myself! Does that make sense ?

    I had a good day yesterday but then some awful thoughts came on in the afternoon, more like paranoia- has anyone ever had this? X

  167. Jen 31st October 2010 at 11:23 am - Reply

    Hi jess,ive been letting the words and thoughts in and not reacting.however my brain seems to get in the habit of having the word or thought in my head for ages.is this normal do u think when u start to let al thoughts in.it can b scary at times!dont know when they wil go

  168. Jen 31st October 2010 at 11:23 am - Reply

    Hi jess,ive been letting the words and thoughts in and not reacting.however my brain seems to get in the habit of having the word or thought in my head for ages.is this normal do u think when u start to let al thoughts in.it can b scary at times!dont know when they wil go

  169. lorryt 31st October 2010 at 12:52 pm - Reply

    hi all

    answer me this if anyone can, why at the moment even when my kids are getting told off are my nerves bad. i cant handle any raised voices makes me want to cry, although i am a bit vulnerable as last week losta very dear member of family very suddenly and we cant seemto adjust to the instant loss. it has taken its toll this week, as well as my hubby being out of work and extremely sensitive. am feeling really low lately and am finding it hard to keep on the positive side. i know for a while things were going really well and i felt and thought of nothingin particular and life was normal just cant help thinking that i want to get back to it again but the light at the end of the tunnel keeps moving. i am trying to lok forward and think of the good things in life but seem to all be tinged with sadness. dont mean to be negative but lost my way again a bit xxx

  170. lorryt 31st October 2010 at 12:52 pm - Reply

    hi all

    answer me this if anyone can, why at the moment even when my kids are getting told off are my nerves bad. i cant handle any raised voices makes me want to cry, although i am a bit vulnerable as last week losta very dear member of family very suddenly and we cant seemto adjust to the instant loss. it has taken its toll this week, as well as my hubby being out of work and extremely sensitive. am feeling really low lately and am finding it hard to keep on the positive side. i know for a while things were going really well and i felt and thought of nothingin particular and life was normal just cant help thinking that i want to get back to it again but the light at the end of the tunnel keeps moving. i am trying to lok forward and think of the good things in life but seem to all be tinged with sadness. dont mean to be negative but lost my way again a bit xxx

  171. candie 31st October 2010 at 1:03 pm - Reply

    Hi Jen, repetitive words, images, thoughts, songs- i have had them all! Dont worry, the reason they are replaying is because you are worried why they are there that they play so often. As soon as you dont care if they are there you will still have them but fewer and fewer as time goes on, to the point of not monitoring your thoughts anymore and not noticing if words etc pop in. I remember having the word ‘scared’ stuck in my head for ages, drove me mad! Even when the fear goes they play a bit through habit but gradually taper off

  172. candie 31st October 2010 at 1:03 pm - Reply

    Hi Jen, repetitive words, images, thoughts, songs- i have had them all! Dont worry, the reason they are replaying is because you are worried why they are there that they play so often. As soon as you dont care if they are there you will still have them but fewer and fewer as time goes on, to the point of not monitoring your thoughts anymore and not noticing if words etc pop in. I remember having the word ‘scared’ stuck in my head for ages, drove me mad! Even when the fear goes they play a bit through habit but gradually taper off

  173. sally 31st October 2010 at 3:18 pm - Reply

    Hi Lorryt
    Anxiety is a rollercoaster and we go up and down all the time{at least I do}.You are down at the moment and probably a bit depressed about your loss,a person without anxiety would feel sad at the loss of a family member.Don’t beat yourself up about how you feel reread Pauls book and I am sure you will be back on track before you know it.All the best Sally

  174. sally 31st October 2010 at 3:18 pm - Reply

    Hi Lorryt
    Anxiety is a rollercoaster and we go up and down all the time{at least I do}.You are down at the moment and probably a bit depressed about your loss,a person without anxiety would feel sad at the loss of a family member.Don’t beat yourself up about how you feel reread Pauls book and I am sure you will be back on track before you know it.All the best Sally

  175. Matt K 31st October 2010 at 4:01 pm - Reply

    Hey Scarlet,
    THanks for the quick reply. I’m trying just to go with the flow and not pay too much attention to how I am feeling. I am just feeling a little low because I am tired of suffering. I know that I need to change my attitude towards this anxiety or else I will continue to suffer. Being commited to recovery is a decision that we all have to make and until we are truly willing to feel the fear, the depression, the syptoms…..we will just keep spinning around and around. I’m ready to get off that merrygoround and stop feeling sorry for myself. It is what it is right now, allow it, accept it and move on. I appreciate all that you and Paul do on this site to help us out. Your comments and support are priceless!

  176. Matt K 31st October 2010 at 4:01 pm - Reply

    Hey Scarlet,
    THanks for the quick reply. I’m trying just to go with the flow and not pay too much attention to how I am feeling. I am just feeling a little low because I am tired of suffering. I know that I need to change my attitude towards this anxiety or else I will continue to suffer. Being commited to recovery is a decision that we all have to make and until we are truly willing to feel the fear, the depression, the syptoms…..we will just keep spinning around and around. I’m ready to get off that merrygoround and stop feeling sorry for myself. It is what it is right now, allow it, accept it and move on. I appreciate all that you and Paul do on this site to help us out. Your comments and support are priceless!

  177. kat 31st October 2010 at 4:11 pm - Reply

    Hi all,

    Looking for some support from any of you who may have experienced something similar. A few weeks ago, I posted on a different thread about a problem I am having involving a ‘setback’. The trouble is that I’m worried it’s more than a setback, at least as we anxiety-sufferers seem to know them. I mentioned that the trouble began when I had some problems in the intimacy department with my partner. I just wasn’t in the mood and it managed to manifest into a full-blown panic attack. I attributed this to how I felt in my previous relationship, eight years ago, and how the lack of connection caused that relationship to come to an end. Then, I met my new man, had eight years of total love and support and admiration, and in one fell swoop, panic, dread and constant anxiety. As he has been my greatest support in the last eight years, I am having the added trouble of not being able to express myself fully since the trouble seems to have to do with our relationship. Or, does it?

    I am very confused about all of this. I know that I love him, haven’t had any major relationship problems, but for some reason, the last three weeks have been horrid for me in terms of panic, anxiety and depression. Whenever I try to force myself to think of all the good things in our life together, including our daughter and home, I start to feel a rush of nasty adrenaline, which makes me think that all of these horrible sensations are indicating that I’m having an adverse reaction to him, which makes no logical sense to me at all.

    I have suffered anxiety/panic for ten years now, and I was making wonderful progress, and yet, this incident has really brought me round to the beginning, and I’m feeling absolutely flattened and saddened by this. How can I be a good partner or mother when all I’m doing is dwelling on this? Why do I keep thinking that this means my relationship is doomed? Where on earth did all of this come from?

    If anyone has gone through this, a loss of connection with loved ones, could you please let me know how to get through it? I am desperate to let go of these negative feelings, even though I know that logically I cannot force it. I just need some reassurance and perhaps some advice on how to cope.

    Much appreciated,

    Kat

  178. kat 31st October 2010 at 4:11 pm - Reply

    Hi all,

    Looking for some support from any of you who may have experienced something similar. A few weeks ago, I posted on a different thread about a problem I am having involving a ‘setback’. The trouble is that I’m worried it’s more than a setback, at least as we anxiety-sufferers seem to know them. I mentioned that the trouble began when I had some problems in the intimacy department with my partner. I just wasn’t in the mood and it managed to manifest into a full-blown panic attack. I attributed this to how I felt in my previous relationship, eight years ago, and how the lack of connection caused that relationship to come to an end. Then, I met my new man, had eight years of total love and support and admiration, and in one fell swoop, panic, dread and constant anxiety. As he has been my greatest support in the last eight years, I am having the added trouble of not being able to express myself fully since the trouble seems to have to do with our relationship. Or, does it?

    I am very confused about all of this. I know that I love him, haven’t had any major relationship problems, but for some reason, the last three weeks have been horrid for me in terms of panic, anxiety and depression. Whenever I try to force myself to think of all the good things in our life together, including our daughter and home, I start to feel a rush of nasty adrenaline, which makes me think that all of these horrible sensations are indicating that I’m having an adverse reaction to him, which makes no logical sense to me at all.

    I have suffered anxiety/panic for ten years now, and I was making wonderful progress, and yet, this incident has really brought me round to the beginning, and I’m feeling absolutely flattened and saddened by this. How can I be a good partner or mother when all I’m doing is dwelling on this? Why do I keep thinking that this means my relationship is doomed? Where on earth did all of this come from?

    If anyone has gone through this, a loss of connection with loved ones, could you please let me know how to get through it? I am desperate to let go of these negative feelings, even though I know that logically I cannot force it. I just need some reassurance and perhaps some advice on how to cope.

    Much appreciated,

    Kat

  179. candie 31st October 2010 at 8:12 pm - Reply

    Kat, you have had an intrusive thought about something normally- its fine not to be in the ‘mood’ sometimes, it doesnt indicate anything wrong with your relationship. Whats happened is you have obsessed and scared yourself into thinking it means the worst- i did it lots of times with my loved ones! Then you obsess more, try to think of the good times, end up watching your emotions and trying to prove how you feel. This just made me feel numb towards the person, so in the end Scarlet told me to just allow the thoughts and feelings without trying to prove them stupid or rumernate over them.. i gave this a go and slowly over time the emotion i created trying to think my way out of the thoughts disipitated and i could see the thought was silly. If you give a thought attention, it will grow- it doesnt matter if you feel numb towards that person for a while now, your scary thoughts may make you feel it but just allow that too. The fact the idea of these thoughts been real upsets you shows that you deeply love and care for this person, just dont try to reason with the thought.

  180. candie 31st October 2010 at 8:12 pm - Reply

    Kat, you have had an intrusive thought about something normally- its fine not to be in the ‘mood’ sometimes, it doesnt indicate anything wrong with your relationship. Whats happened is you have obsessed and scared yourself into thinking it means the worst- i did it lots of times with my loved ones! Then you obsess more, try to think of the good times, end up watching your emotions and trying to prove how you feel. This just made me feel numb towards the person, so in the end Scarlet told me to just allow the thoughts and feelings without trying to prove them stupid or rumernate over them.. i gave this a go and slowly over time the emotion i created trying to think my way out of the thoughts disipitated and i could see the thought was silly. If you give a thought attention, it will grow- it doesnt matter if you feel numb towards that person for a while now, your scary thoughts may make you feel it but just allow that too. The fact the idea of these thoughts been real upsets you shows that you deeply love and care for this person, just dont try to reason with the thought.

  181. Jen 31st October 2010 at 9:01 pm - Reply

    Hi candie.thanx for your reply.i know you are right.its just the thoughts and words are so scary and im terrified they could stay with me.i usualy feel so guilty and awful and find i try to compensate by doing things for charity,buying things for my mum and dad,etc.i know im a good person but when the thoughts are there,i feel awful.im letting them in now and trying to live alongside them.ive had everything like you,words,songs etc.is it just a matter of letting them in and they become less important?

  182. Jen 31st October 2010 at 9:01 pm - Reply

    Hi candie.thanx for your reply.i know you are right.its just the thoughts and words are so scary and im terrified they could stay with me.i usualy feel so guilty and awful and find i try to compensate by doing things for charity,buying things for my mum and dad,etc.i know im a good person but when the thoughts are there,i feel awful.im letting them in now and trying to live alongside them.ive had everything like you,words,songs etc.is it just a matter of letting them in and they become less important?

  183. Rebekka 31st October 2010 at 10:13 pm - Reply

    Hi Everyone,
    Been having a really good week, managed to talk to my partner about what’s been going on and that really did help. I still havn’t told him about some of the frightening thoughts i get from time to time but i have decided to talk to a therapist about how to do that. I went to my first session of therapy the other day, it went really well and i think it will help me understand why i sometimes get scary thoughts etc (very expensive though) Going to have to cut back on the clothes shopping!
    Has anyone on here found that the thoughts come from an angry moment in the past which show in a state of anxiety? I personally think it doesn’t neccisarilly come from no where. for example when i was a teenager i got very angry with my father( for a good reason) and had one bad thought about him at the time then nothing for many years. However, when i hit my twenties and had a bad experience the scary thoughts came flooding in so i do think if one is not happy with something or is holding emotions in or going through an intrusive or bad experience the thoughts develop( a symptom of Anxiety) Can anyone relate to this?

    Hi Anon, Just had a read of your post. It sounds like because you are a big thinker and your mind tends to go over things alot, the experience you had has really left you worried. Personally i think however hard it is you should tell your partner about that night otherwise it will stay on your mind for a long while and may return in the future. If i was me i would like to know, small mistakes happen in life, and it sounds from what you have said that it was very small. If you get it off your chest and be honest you should feel alot better. Holding things in and keeping secrets will create an anxious person. Hope that helps and good luck. :0)

  184. Rebekka 31st October 2010 at 10:13 pm - Reply

    Hi Everyone,
    Been having a really good week, managed to talk to my partner about what’s been going on and that really did help. I still havn’t told him about some of the frightening thoughts i get from time to time but i have decided to talk to a therapist about how to do that. I went to my first session of therapy the other day, it went really well and i think it will help me understand why i sometimes get scary thoughts etc (very expensive though) Going to have to cut back on the clothes shopping!
    Has anyone on here found that the thoughts come from an angry moment in the past which show in a state of anxiety? I personally think it doesn’t neccisarilly come from no where. for example when i was a teenager i got very angry with my father( for a good reason) and had one bad thought about him at the time then nothing for many years. However, when i hit my twenties and had a bad experience the scary thoughts came flooding in so i do think if one is not happy with something or is holding emotions in or going through an intrusive or bad experience the thoughts develop( a symptom of Anxiety) Can anyone relate to this?

    Hi Anon, Just had a read of your post. It sounds like because you are a big thinker and your mind tends to go over things alot, the experience you had has really left you worried. Personally i think however hard it is you should tell your partner about that night otherwise it will stay on your mind for a long while and may return in the future. If i was me i would like to know, small mistakes happen in life, and it sounds from what you have said that it was very small. If you get it off your chest and be honest you should feel alot better. Holding things in and keeping secrets will create an anxious person. Hope that helps and good luck. :0)

  185. sasha 1st November 2010 at 5:21 am - Reply

    Dear Lorryt,

    there are times when you will get into this low feeling..whatever ur mind gets hold on to will be of negative trait..that moment however hard we try we may not be able to find the positives in it as we know we are trying hard when negativity is coming naturally to us so we tend to think thats what we are…

    i hav gone through so many of them last couple of weeks after having so many good weeks..but then when i started thinking of issues or people that my mind brought into light may be partly its true or may not be..
    but for us its best not to dwell on anything negative which will tire us even further…

    we feel like reasoning all the time!.. like y do i have to undergo this? y did they do this to me? i am having such a bad time and so on…
    thoughts like this may float plenty but the moment you give them any attention then it just takes us down the down tahts why we feel we have reached the end of the tunnel but then we arent able to see the light…
    all we need is

    1 persistence…look forward for the good things to come..

    2 when u feel low dont pay attention to the thoughts which will drag u down…just get active and do things which will lighten u up

    3 however low u feel dont give the ‘feeling’ any power to withhold u from doing something…

    4 we need to rise up against our instincts. it will always suggest ‘u cannot make it’ when u r low. dont pay attention to this..

    5 execrcise or routine will also help u to move on in life when u get stuck..

    i am trying to find strength in myself whenever i feel low.. i dont want to depend on my dear ones for me to feel good as it will only lead me to rely on them always…

  186. sasha 1st November 2010 at 5:21 am - Reply

    Dear Lorryt,

    there are times when you will get into this low feeling..whatever ur mind gets hold on to will be of negative trait..that moment however hard we try we may not be able to find the positives in it as we know we are trying hard when negativity is coming naturally to us so we tend to think thats what we are…

    i hav gone through so many of them last couple of weeks after having so many good weeks..but then when i started thinking of issues or people that my mind brought into light may be partly its true or may not be..
    but for us its best not to dwell on anything negative which will tire us even further…

    we feel like reasoning all the time!.. like y do i have to undergo this? y did they do this to me? i am having such a bad time and so on…
    thoughts like this may float plenty but the moment you give them any attention then it just takes us down the down tahts why we feel we have reached the end of the tunnel but then we arent able to see the light…
    all we need is

    1 persistence…look forward for the good things to come..

    2 when u feel low dont pay attention to the thoughts which will drag u down…just get active and do things which will lighten u up

    3 however low u feel dont give the ‘feeling’ any power to withhold u from doing something…

    4 we need to rise up against our instincts. it will always suggest ‘u cannot make it’ when u r low. dont pay attention to this..

    5 execrcise or routine will also help u to move on in life when u get stuck..

    i am trying to find strength in myself whenever i feel low.. i dont want to depend on my dear ones for me to feel good as it will only lead me to rely on them always…

  187. sasha 1st November 2010 at 5:21 am - Reply

    Dear Jen

    all we need is practise …to practise how to get over low feeling by keeping ourselves occupied…dont feel bad for ourselves…because we may have irrational thoughts it doesnt mean we have to feel guilty it may be just because of situational pressure that thoughts of that nature pop up..it has nothing to do with our own ‘self’ if we realise that thoughts are just ‘random’ and NOT REALITY!!!

    when guilty thoughts arise in our mind further pulling us down and making us behave as if we are ‘supposed’ to be overly good and caring ( it is good, but we dont have to do that thinking we are guilty)
    just replace them with the thought..they are just ‘thoughts’ i am always good and will only do good and in that direction u will be pulled and wont be in a desperate need to proove something…
    afterall we are just acting according to our thoughts we should pull the strings and it shouldnt be the other way..

    whenever i have gone through good days i come here and feel like writing what has helped me…and i too have those days like you all wherein i need assurances from you all…we will be able to get there like evryone around us for SURE …all we need is persistence and faith…
    and we have this wonderful place where we can always look for support and assurances…

    wishing u all a good day and week ahead…just be persistent never let anything put you down…!!! be strong and may be ‘fake it’ taht you are all well as scarlet said once..it really helps you that way…read recently even when u r stressed out if u keep a smiling face rather than a frowning face part of the stress dissipates as its giving a positive signal to the brain…

  188. sasha 1st November 2010 at 5:21 am - Reply

    Dear Jen

    all we need is practise …to practise how to get over low feeling by keeping ourselves occupied…dont feel bad for ourselves…because we may have irrational thoughts it doesnt mean we have to feel guilty it may be just because of situational pressure that thoughts of that nature pop up..it has nothing to do with our own ‘self’ if we realise that thoughts are just ‘random’ and NOT REALITY!!!

    when guilty thoughts arise in our mind further pulling us down and making us behave as if we are ‘supposed’ to be overly good and caring ( it is good, but we dont have to do that thinking we are guilty)
    just replace them with the thought..they are just ‘thoughts’ i am always good and will only do good and in that direction u will be pulled and wont be in a desperate need to proove something…
    afterall we are just acting according to our thoughts we should pull the strings and it shouldnt be the other way..

    whenever i have gone through good days i come here and feel like writing what has helped me…and i too have those days like you all wherein i need assurances from you all…we will be able to get there like evryone around us for SURE …all we need is persistence and faith…
    and we have this wonderful place where we can always look for support and assurances…

    wishing u all a good day and week ahead…just be persistent never let anything put you down…!!! be strong and may be ‘fake it’ taht you are all well as scarlet said once..it really helps you that way…read recently even when u r stressed out if u keep a smiling face rather than a frowning face part of the stress dissipates as its giving a positive signal to the brain…

  189. Jen 1st November 2010 at 11:59 am - Reply

    Hi candie,these thoughts and words are scaring me so much.dont know if i can handle them.they are there al the time and i keep associating them with people.im scared i wont be able to be around my mum or anyone.they wont go away.how to i deal with them.what if they stay forever.its so horibble.i just wana get a break from them.please can someone help

  190. Jen 1st November 2010 at 11:59 am - Reply

    Hi candie,these thoughts and words are scaring me so much.dont know if i can handle them.they are there al the time and i keep associating them with people.im scared i wont be able to be around my mum or anyone.they wont go away.how to i deal with them.what if they stay forever.its so horibble.i just wana get a break from them.please can someone help

  191. Caron 1st November 2010 at 12:06 pm - Reply

    Hi Jen,

    I know you addressed your post to Candie but I know exactly how you feel….

    When thoughts/fears are here all day everyday it is hard to think you can ever let them go. Thats what I am thinking now – how can I ever not think that and be scared of it? Its a cliche but I am hoping that when I start to ‘relax’ about the thought and take the whatever attotude then maybe it won’t freak me out as much.

    Does that help?
    Caron

  192. Caron 1st November 2010 at 12:06 pm - Reply

    Hi Jen,

    I know you addressed your post to Candie but I know exactly how you feel….

    When thoughts/fears are here all day everyday it is hard to think you can ever let them go. Thats what I am thinking now – how can I ever not think that and be scared of it? Its a cliche but I am hoping that when I start to ‘relax’ about the thought and take the whatever attotude then maybe it won’t freak me out as much.

    Does that help?
    Caron

  193. Daphne 1st November 2010 at 12:11 pm - Reply

    Hello Paul,
    I’m not a native speaker, so please excuse my mistakes.

    I suffer from Dp and anxiety for over a year now. I took ecstasy one time in my life and I was very worried after that if this had destroyed something in my head and I think all these worrying and my increasing self-awareness finally led into DP, because it started more than one month AFTER I took the Ecstasy pill.

    I found your site earlier, but had doubts about the promise that I can recover and didn’t trust the information. Also, though my DP and anxiety was drug induced, I thougt I mainly had to work with my childhood traumas, becaus I was severly depreciated by my partens and also physically maltreated. But I think now, I’ve done a lot on this subject and have to work with the habits that have built up secondary and prevent me from recovery. A few days ago I has a really bad panic attack and in my desparation I read this site again and decided to try what I read.

    I already feel better, though of course still not like being healthy at all. I had the main struggle with some obsessive thoughts caused by my DP like “Maybe I don’t really exist” and “How strange it is, that I’m always caught in my body” and bullshit like this and it helps a lot just to let these thoughts come and not to take them too serious.

    I still got a struggle, because my disorder started with DP and anxiety was only following (after I smoked weed after a half year when my DP was already better – bad idea – before I took ecstasy, weed, wich I smoekd from time to time, never did me any harm, but in my depersonalisated condition it led into the worst feeling of panic I can imagine) and I read everywhere DP ist in most times chronical – so I think “maybe I can overcome the anxiety, but never the DP”. But I try not to be impressed by this and cope with these pessimistic thoughts like I cope with the other frightening thoughts.

    Thank you very much for this site!
    Daphne

  194. Daphne 1st November 2010 at 12:11 pm - Reply

    Hello Paul,
    I’m not a native speaker, so please excuse my mistakes.

    I suffer from Dp and anxiety for over a year now. I took ecstasy one time in my life and I was very worried after that if this had destroyed something in my head and I think all these worrying and my increasing self-awareness finally led into DP, because it started more than one month AFTER I took the Ecstasy pill.

    I found your site earlier, but had doubts about the promise that I can recover and didn’t trust the information. Also, though my DP and anxiety was drug induced, I thougt I mainly had to work with my childhood traumas, becaus I was severly depreciated by my partens and also physically maltreated. But I think now, I’ve done a lot on this subject and have to work with the habits that have built up secondary and prevent me from recovery. A few days ago I has a really bad panic attack and in my desparation I read this site again and decided to try what I read.

    I already feel better, though of course still not like being healthy at all. I had the main struggle with some obsessive thoughts caused by my DP like “Maybe I don’t really exist” and “How strange it is, that I’m always caught in my body” and bullshit like this and it helps a lot just to let these thoughts come and not to take them too serious.

    I still got a struggle, because my disorder started with DP and anxiety was only following (after I smoked weed after a half year when my DP was already better – bad idea – before I took ecstasy, weed, wich I smoekd from time to time, never did me any harm, but in my depersonalisated condition it led into the worst feeling of panic I can imagine) and I read everywhere DP ist in most times chronical – so I think “maybe I can overcome the anxiety, but never the DP”. But I try not to be impressed by this and cope with these pessimistic thoughts like I cope with the other frightening thoughts.

    Thank you very much for this site!
    Daphne

  195. lisa 1st November 2010 at 12:41 pm - Reply

    jen i looked at my thoughts as though they were passengers on a train and i was the driver of that train. you can either be fearful of your thoughts (passengers) or just carry on driving your train which is learning to let the thoughts just flow in, pass by, which is accepting them, not fighting, battling, analysing, which then you become less n less fearful of them, your mind then realises your not frightened anymore, they slow down, still pop in from time to time then eventually leave you with normal everyday thoughts. nice post paul, i still look in from time to time but busy back at work now,christmas shopping all finished you know me lol 🙂

  196. lisa 1st November 2010 at 12:41 pm - Reply

    jen i looked at my thoughts as though they were passengers on a train and i was the driver of that train. you can either be fearful of your thoughts (passengers) or just carry on driving your train which is learning to let the thoughts just flow in, pass by, which is accepting them, not fighting, battling, analysing, which then you become less n less fearful of them, your mind then realises your not frightened anymore, they slow down, still pop in from time to time then eventually leave you with normal everyday thoughts. nice post paul, i still look in from time to time but busy back at work now,christmas shopping all finished you know me lol 🙂

  197. Jen 1st November 2010 at 12:58 pm - Reply

    Hi girls.thanks for your reply.im realy trying but i feel like the fear is taking me over and i cant think of anything else.its the not thinking of anything else that scares me.i dont want to think this way.the train analogy is good.i wish i could just have someone put their arms around me and make it ok.i sound like a baby i know.

  198. Jen 1st November 2010 at 12:58 pm - Reply

    Hi girls.thanks for your reply.im realy trying but i feel like the fear is taking me over and i cant think of anything else.its the not thinking of anything else that scares me.i dont want to think this way.the train analogy is good.i wish i could just have someone put their arms around me and make it ok.i sound like a baby i know.

  199. Caron 1st November 2010 at 1:00 pm - Reply

    Hi Guys,

    Please can you help me with my thought of the moment….

    I mentioned above about paranoia…has anyone ever had this? Its more thinking that EVERYONE knows about my anxiety and are waiting for me to just crumble. It feels a bit like The Truman Show!! Then I question everything like am i the only one who has ever had anxiety in the world, is this website real or just lies so really I am never gonna get better.

    Then I think to myself, gosh if I have paranoia does that mean I am gonna become a paranoid schizophrenic or something??

    I feel stupid writing this as know it sounds so ridiculous but when these thoughts pop in to my head I struggle with them!

    Please can someone offer me some reassurance or relate to that?

  200. Caron 1st November 2010 at 1:00 pm - Reply

    Hi Guys,

    Please can you help me with my thought of the moment….

    I mentioned above about paranoia…has anyone ever had this? Its more thinking that EVERYONE knows about my anxiety and are waiting for me to just crumble. It feels a bit like The Truman Show!! Then I question everything like am i the only one who has ever had anxiety in the world, is this website real or just lies so really I am never gonna get better.

    Then I think to myself, gosh if I have paranoia does that mean I am gonna become a paranoid schizophrenic or something??

    I feel stupid writing this as know it sounds so ridiculous but when these thoughts pop in to my head I struggle with them!

    Please can someone offer me some reassurance or relate to that?

  201. Caron 1st November 2010 at 1:06 pm - Reply

    Ps – I am know worrying that I have freaked you out! That wasn’t my intention xx

  202. Caron 1st November 2010 at 1:06 pm - Reply

    Ps – I am know worrying that I have freaked you out! That wasn’t my intention xx

  203. LORRYT 1st November 2010 at 1:14 pm - Reply

    Hi sasha

  204. LORRYT 1st November 2010 at 1:14 pm - Reply

    Hi sasha

  205. LORRYT 1st November 2010 at 1:15 pm - Reply

    sorry pressed enter to quickly !

    i know where you are coming from, and i totally understand, just sometimes need someone to help me through it. i know things like this happen to all of us and we all get throrugh just at the moment its hard to let thoughts pass.xx

  206. LORRYT 1st November 2010 at 1:15 pm - Reply

    sorry pressed enter to quickly !

    i know where you are coming from, and i totally understand, just sometimes need someone to help me through it. i know things like this happen to all of us and we all get throrugh just at the moment its hard to let thoughts pass.xx

  207. Sara 1st November 2010 at 1:19 pm - Reply

    Hi Jen,

    Just reading your post made me want to reply to you as I can relate to those awful feelings of as if you’re losing your mind and feeling like you have nowhere to turn. But I can guarantee you as can everyone on this site that you are not alone. Don’t be scared by not thinking anything else..it’s normal you have anxiety, there is nothing wrong with you. Allow yourself to feel the fear nothing bad is going to happen. There is nothing wrong with not being able to think anything but these horrible thoughts, I have been (and still am) in exactly the same place but with more understanding, time and patience I promise you will see these thoughts for what they are which is just anxiety finding itself an outlet. Don’t try to think your way out of it, let the thoughts be there and let them shout. There is nothing to be afraid of they are just thoughts and you don’t have to pay them any respect whatsover. It’s such a hard road recovery and anxiety is frightening and can grip you so hard sometimes, but with patience and time it will get easier. Remember these thoughts are just your tired mind, they don’t mean a thing. Promise. I hope this helps Jen. xx

    Kat and Candie, Have/had exactly the same thing.. I am finally learning that it is the fact of paying far too much attention to an intrusive thought which is driven by anxiety which led me down this road. Kat, I hope you are doing better and Candie thank you very much for your brilliant and so true advice xx

  208. Jen 1st November 2010 at 2:10 pm - Reply

    Hi sara,thanks for your reply.i wish i could get a hug from all of you.i know it takes time but the fear is sometimes so big.if i could jus relax the thoughts might get easier.i feel like im suffering so uneccesarily.i am a person who is very compasionate and loving but dont feel that way alot.

  209. Caron 1st November 2010 at 4:49 pm - Reply

    I hope I haven’t upset anyone with my comment earlier? x

  210. scarlet 1st November 2010 at 6:02 pm - Reply

    Caron,

    Nope you won’t become paranoid schizophrenic with paranoid thoughts, they are part and parcel of anxiety. Like all other thoughts you must give an indifferent emotion when =a paranoid thought pops in and brush it off. eg. your thought that everyone knows you have anxiety and are waiting for you to crumble, let your internal dialogue say “so what, who cares what others think, let em think what they like” and obsess no more about the ins and outs of what others think. This takes practice but I promise you can do it with time….

    To think that you are living in a dream, or on the Harry Truman show, is also quite normal when suffering anxiety, again brush thoughts like these off. You are most certainly NOT alone, anxiety is extremely common. I have spoken to loads of people since I have recovered and you’d be surprised how many folks suffer in silence.

  211. candie 1st November 2010 at 7:30 pm - Reply

    Caron i used to think like that all the time too, i did as Scarlet says and stopped caring if people new about my anxiety or not- looking back they never did and i couldnt care less now what anyone else thinks anyway! There is far worse things people can think of you and judge you for then anxiety, its thought 75% of the world will suffer at some point.. so most people wont be too quick to judge even if they did find out you had it.

    Jen, you are paying these thoughts way too much respect- exactly as i did. I would think intrusively about people, like awful things about them then feel anxious and guilty about it. Its only a thought, have a good look around this site about how to dismiss and accept anxiety thoughts.. i promise you some point in the future you wont care what you think about people at all, as it doesnt reflect your true feelings or thoughts.. as soon as i got to this stage i stopped testing myself with thoughts as i really didnt care about them anyway, so they went away

  212. Michelle Z 1st November 2010 at 8:22 pm - Reply

    I get such an icy, hot cold feeling through my upper back and tops of my arms and it drives me crazy. Does anyone else feel this? I think it’s depression, but the therapist I was seeing said it sounds like anxiety. Thanks for your thoughts.

  213. Caron 1st November 2010 at 9:05 pm - Reply

    Thanks guys xx

  214. kat 1st November 2010 at 9:28 pm - Reply

    Thanks Candie and Sara.

    I have been totally levelled by this strange reaction I’m having and I have not been able to find much reassuring information about it. I can handle a panic attack when it has to do with most things, but the man I love? Where in the world did that come from?

    My last relationship ended three years after I started having panic attacks. I withdrew from him because he didn’t understand what I was dealing with, and I suppose that on some level I blamed him, even if I wasn’t doing so consciously. I never felt the way about him I did before the panic happened, wasn’t able to reclaim the old sentiment, so this time I panicked right away because I am desperate to keep this relationship intact. This man has been so supportive and loving, and there’s very little about him I don’t like, so you can see why I’m sinking, feeling like I’ll never be able to think about him the way I always did before. I immediately went into ‘oh oh!’ mode, and have been terrified for about three weeks as a result. I’m having trouble separating the ‘bluff’ thoughts from reality, at times believing that things have fallen apart, which makes me unbelievably depressed, as you can imagine.

    Thank you so much for your responses. This is the first time I’ve felt so alone in panic since it started ten years ago. I am actually upset with myself for not being able to control it like so many others are able to do. I worry that if I don’t get a handle on it soon, it will destroy my family. Very disheartening, and I’m really tired at the moment, but I hope things will get better soon.

    Thank you again.

  215. James 1st November 2010 at 10:09 pm - Reply

    Daphne,

    I have also taken ecstasy (although a lot more than once), and I have worried non-stop for years that my condition is due to damage from the drug.

    I still do worry about this from time to time, but from what I have learnt over the years, it is very unlikely. If you have only taken it once, then I can almost guarantee you have not done any significant harm.

    I do believe drugs can trigger anxiety, but I do not think we have done any serious harm to ourselves. We just have the same problem as everyone else here: a tired mind from worrying all day, every day.

    The belief that we have a permanent condition due to drugs is what causes the anxiety – NOT the drugs themselves.

    James.

  216. Caron 2nd November 2010 at 9:37 am - Reply

    Hi Scarlet,

    Just checking – you mention the Harry Truman Show. I meant the film The Truman Show – are we talking about the same thing? I think so but wanted to be sure! Sorry to be a pain!

    How long have you been recovered now Scarlet?

    Hope everyone is feeling ok today? I have an appointment with my GP today, not sure whether to increase my paroxetine – any thoughts?

    x

  217. scarlet 2nd November 2010 at 11:51 am - Reply

    lol my mistake Caron, my brain elsewhere x

  218. Dave 2nd November 2010 at 12:23 pm - Reply

    ok im a regular visistor but rarely post. I have suffered on and off with anxiety and just as i thought i had made masssive steps it hits me. Recently split with a Gf which i have struggled with but been determeiend to make my life better.

    Suddenly 2 nigths ago on a night out i worried obsessivelyu someone had spiked my drink. I took this worry home with me even though i didnt feel ill at all. I worried so much about it that i have had panics 2 nights in a row. I know at this point the quick fix is to try and work it all out in my mind instead of juts accepting the ambiguity of the siutaion which is were the real cure to the anxiey lies. Its so hard though not to look for comfort !!

    Had to take a day off work today as felt so rubbish but want to get back as soon as possible but like all these things im not sleeping well as im thinking about the trigger in the night. Has anyone got any similar expereinces and how they dealt with them?

    My GP has been wicked and says this is a set back and encourgaed me to let it be and not invetsigate or ruminate to much but a tired mind, adrenalin, i found myself crying in bed with fustration of just not knowing and being fearful that my drink had been spiked. Even though this was now 48 hours after the event and i have been fine.

    I guess like most anxiety this is an issue of control that i have to get used to giving up. Very hard. Finding it hard with this set back !!

  219. Caron 2nd November 2010 at 12:27 pm - Reply

    ha ha, thanks Scarlet x

  220. simon 2nd November 2010 at 1:05 pm - Reply

    Hi,i had my 1st panic attack last july,now over more than a year,i had those anxiety symptoms of daily lightheadeness,palpitations.I have done alot of test and in and out of the doctors office appointments and they can find anything wrong at all,could this really be just anxiety or the doctors misdiagnosed something.If its anxiety,i cant believed i can actually feel lightheaded for a year now.sigh.

  221. Daphne 2nd November 2010 at 2:40 pm - Reply

    Hello James,
    thank you very much! I really think it was the constant worrying about and my feelings of guilt (how could I take drugs? there must be some kind of “punishment”) that finally brought me in this condition and it helps a lot to loose the doubts about this simple fact if you also tell me so. I was an anxious person before, though I haven’t had real panic attacs, so probably anxiety is really the main problem. For example I often worried about HIV without having had a real risk.

    As I felt after only a week a little ease I will go on to cope with the symptoms like I read it on this side. Most problems I still have in social situations, wenn I feel odd and anxious about what people might think about me. Although not really avoiding such situations (I knew before this is wrong) I was always trying to control the strange feelings and feelings of anxiety while holding a conversation. Now I understand that this is not possible and keeps the condition of DP and anxiety alive, and I changed my attitude and let the unconfortable feelings come. Yesterday I had already one moment of relief in a social situation (a very difficult one for me – with the parents of my boyfriend – I always worry about there opinion about me), just one moment, but I will be patient and not look out for quick full recovery.

    I told my therapist about this site and she said, that “this god man” seems to write some helpful things and I shall go on reading here 🙂 She will work with me on my self-confidence as this is another problem that is associated with my smptoms.

    Daphne

  222. Paul David (Admin) 2nd November 2010 at 3:57 pm - Reply

    Just a quick post from me.

    I think a big shift comes when someone feels full of dread and wants to find a way not to feel this way, this can end up in feelings of failure, ruminating about how they feel, getting down about it, bewildered to someone who says ‘O.k I will live with these feelings of dread for a while, they arent that bad’ it truly is about seeing anxiety and all that comes with it in a different light.

    Daphne what you say below is totally the right way forward and the perfect attitude you need.

    Most problems I still have in social situations, wenn I feel odd and anxious about what people might think about me. Although not really avoiding such situations (I knew before this is wrong) I was always trying to control the strange feelings and feelings of anxiety while holding a conversation. Now I understand that this is not possible and keeps the condition of DP and anxiety alive, and I changed my attitude and let the unconfortable feelings come. Yesterday I had already one moment of relief in a social situation (a very difficult one for me – with the parents of my boyfriend – I always worry about there opinion about me), just one moment, but I will be patient and not look out for quick full recovery.

    You let the the uncomfortable feelings come, allowed them to be there without trying to ‘control’ and this is exactly what you should have done. Not only did you loosen your grip on yourself, you also no longer watch or care whats happening internally and then find it easier to follow a conversation, as before you were 90% on you and 10% on what the person was saying, then the switch is 90% on the conversation and 10% on yourself.

  223. SI 2nd November 2010 at 6:54 pm - Reply

    Paul pr Candie

    Wondered if this makes sence to you as I am now starting to get quite frustrated with it. I lack concentration and find it very difficult to remember things that are told to me and yet I have 2 very responcible jobs (of which I now believe I bluffed my way to getting) now of cause this is creating me more anxiety because I think I am not clever enough to get through this illnes.

    Last week I had a good week in which I did seem to brush off eveything I felt and to a degree I think I wasn’t bothered about my symptoms as much (still there but not thinking too deep) then all of a sudden the weekend came around and I started feeling low (very low) and when I get low I get dispondent and cry alot.

    How can I sustain these good feelings for a while longer as they seem to come and go quite alot but never have I felt good for more than a week at a time.

    Just one other thing, I just started working three shifts after a year of just doing days and afters which gave me a bit of a routine because I can be in bed for 10.30 most nights. but on nights I get home absoultly drained, but as soon as I hit the pillow thats is, anxiety kicks in, my mind races and races and then I have to get up, so 2 to 3 days with no sleep at all is not helping me.

    Oh and another for anyone……. do you notice when you are thinking, you are doing lots of things. this sounds stupid i know but wondered if anyone else gets this. I can be concentrating on something(ish), thinking worried thoughts and singing a song in my head all at once… Now surely this is not right, how am I supposed to get to grips with this if everything is going on!!!

    Hopeing for some answers

    Si

  224. James 2nd November 2010 at 7:20 pm - Reply

    Si that sounds so similar to me at work – unable to concentrate and feeling I have to blag my way through work. I constantly felt I was doing terribly and would be fired at any moment, but in actual fact it turned out I was doing ok. As long as it doesn’t cause you too much distress, keep going as the distraction of work is good for anxiety, and you will most likely do fine.

    I get that thing all the time where I am concentrating on something and worrying and singing a song in my head! Our minds are just in overdrive at the moment, and this is natural. I often find I am worrying about stuff without even really knowing it – it’s just going on in the background. We are holding onto so many worries, it’s like we are a computer with lots of programmes open at once. As a result we are sluggish in thinking, and confused with what is going on!

  225. Amanda 2nd November 2010 at 7:29 pm - Reply

    Hi just wanted some advice, i have been off work now for 7wks due to breaking down after suffering badly with anxiety for 2months at work i was trying to fight the anxiety because i thought this was the only way then i found pauls book and this site and now know where i went wrong and i am now putting these tools into practice and seeing a slight improvement, i still suffer with the agitation and lightheadeness thr dp and dr isnt as bad as when i first broke down my dilema is about when to get back to work i work as a community carer and it can be stressful the good thing is i am on the go and not tied to a desk wich i know i couldnt cope with having to sit still all day i am just worrying that i may be pushing myself to soon any advice would be appreciated thanks Amanda

  226. SI 2nd November 2010 at 7:38 pm - Reply

    @ James

    Thanks very much for that James, it does ease the pain to think it’s not just me. Yeh, people at work think I am fine but inside I sometimes feel so tense and stressed I wanna cry. However, the thing that I don’t understand (i suppose there is nothing to understand) is that I can feel anxious and stressed just listening to other people. I liken it to I actually feel so anxious and depressed that other people are going about life in such a way that I used too. Wouldn;t say I didn’t have a care in the world, but I didn’t have all the symptoms and lasck of sleep and constant battle with myself like I do now.

    Like I said, last week I had probably one of my best weeks for a year, actually didn’t get too caught up on my thoughts and so the feelings eased, the sleeping felt better and although I did have to push myself to do things once I was doing them I was ok (ish)

    I feel my major problem is that all the therapist’s I saw and I saw a few constantly tried to get me to work out why I was feeling like I did, telling me to look what changed that made me feel worse and tried to help me apply coping stratergies….. After reading Pauls book I honestly believe I was doing everything wrong, because I was doing all those things anyway… thinking thinking, working out, trying this and trying that… none of which helped. Yes I am alot better than I was when I first had my breakdown, but I realy hate the setbacks (they are such a dark place) and even thinking about setbacks brings on my sypmtoms – what hell.

    the mind, such a wonderfull thing hey 🙂
    Thnks

  227. kat 2nd November 2010 at 9:53 pm - Reply

    The thing I find unbearable is how I read something that reassures me, and then the next day, I’m a mess again!

    Clearly, the lessons are not getting through, and I feel awful admitting that. My latest pattern seems to be this: wake up feeling dread, drag myself off to work, come home feeling exhausted, feel the dread again upon entering the house to see my husband and child, withdraw because I’m on the verge of tears, mindlessly eat dinner, shower, try to talk to my husband about my feelings in a way he hasn’t heard before (which is hard since I seem to be feeling dread about him, and I know it isn’t fair), and then I fall into bed, on the verge of tears, wondering if my life is going to fall apart.

    To be clear, my husband has done nothing to me to merit the sudden adverse reaction I’m having. I do not understand where this is all coming from, and I wonder if it’s essential that I know. Is it more important to just try to cope with the feelings? I am soooo…sad, I guess is the word, because I was overwhelmingly in love with him for the past eight years, and to suddenly have my emotions seized by anxiety makes me very, very sad. All I want is to feel like I did before, and my thoughts keep coming in waves, things like ‘Oh, the love is over for good’ or ‘You probably don’t love him anymore and will never be happy’, and I feel supremely cheated, gutted even.

    He has been very supportive about all of this, and I’ve been as honest as possible because I trust that he’s wise enough to understand that I am really grappling here and not trying to hurt his feelings or make him feel insecure. He tells me that it’s okay, that he knows I love him and that this is just anxiety talking, but the trouble is that I don’t know anyone else who has gone through this, or at least, they’re not talking about it, and I’m really, really desperate to fix it.

    Thank you to those who have responded to me before. Like I said, I’m feeling like I’m repeating myself, but I suppose when you feel like this you just want someone to reassure you that things will be okay, in a way that you can actually believe.

    Believing has been very difficult for me, mainly because it’s been ten long years of emotional upheaval. Any suggestions you may have are welcome.

    Kat

  228. SI 2nd November 2010 at 10:28 pm - Reply

    @Kat

    Sorry to admit but Yes!!! I too have the same feelings as you, but I think deep down this is because we are so aware of ourselves and that is robbing us of our enjoyment for life. One of my thoughts of which is not so much of an issue for me anymore is that would I be better off alone? I then look at my late grandfather who died over 17 years ago and who was single for much of his life (bit of a jack the lad I think) and wonder if I HAVE to be like him. I then take one look at my family and think…. WHAT ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT, I have everything a man could want in life (which I don’t deserve – after an affair). Loving and such and understanding and patient wife, 3 fantastic healthy kids, nice house, nice cars, 2 good jobs ….. BUT why am I still depressed and anxious? WHY…. because I am stuck in my own little world, feeling sorry for myself for not being the person I once was. I want that person back (not the one that hurt his family) but the one that can go about life without questioning every SINGLE thing going on.

    If I am low, vertiaully everything causes tention and anxiousness, even sitting down at home, watching TV, reading a newspaper, looking at people and thinking why cant i be like them (HAPPY)

    Now is that normal, to feel anxious about anything – normal stuff?

    Well I will probably answer my own question here and say YES, anxiety and adrenalin is doing this to me, but when I am low, god it’s hard to pull out and when I do pull out I dread the next low mood coming

    Sorry if I have come across as negative, and if like me and your reading this then I’ve probably made you more anxious. SO I AM SORRY

    But…. I do believe that this method, when It actually clicks in is the only answer. The therapists just want you to keep searching for the answer, and like Paul said what answers?

    Si

  229. kat 2nd November 2010 at 10:53 pm - Reply

    Si,

    You brought up something that struck me: you’re afraid you’ll be like your grandfather. For me, it was my grandmother, and as I was growing up, everyone in the family used to like to tease me about how much like her I was, that I was basically her in younger form. As you might have guessed, my grandmother was an extremely anxious person, often suffering ‘breakdowns’ and having to be taken care of because of her ‘delicate nature’. Now I feel like I’ve actually fulfilled the prophecy, existing rather than living, and inadvertantly sabotaging every positive relationship in my life due to self-obsession and a constant fixation on my emotions.

    I’m lucky to live in an age where this kind of thing is openly discussed, particularly in the age of internet where advice is nearly instant and from such a diverse group of people. My grandmother did not have that and died without ever really living, in my opinion. My greatest fear was to end up like she did, and somehow, despite all the therapy and best effort on my part, I don’t seem to be succeeding. Now that the ‘scary thoughts’ have come regarding my relationship, the one thing in my life I felt secure about, I feel like a cat trying to claw its way out of the bathtub.

    I think a lot of people have affairs due to anxiety. It’s a distraction from the horrible feelings, and sometimes people are so desperate for some kind of positive emotion that they act without thinking. It doesn’t make you a bad person, and if your wife has forgiven you then you need to forgive yourself, too. You’re human, and we’re all prone to a lapse of judgment when we’re down.

    I think you’re right about Paul’s method being the best, but as I seem to be the ‘slow kid in the class’, it’s really taking a while for it all to sink in.

  230. SI 2nd November 2010 at 11:17 pm - Reply

    @Kat,

    Were both alike when it comes to “Slow kid in class” I feel exactly the same way…. seem to keep reading and re-reading, just waiting for it to click. Because I do belive this method is the best and people on her have proved it. I have read all sorts of self help stuff and have done nothing only remind myself I have an illness. This has become deeply engrained and now I have to live normal to become my old self.

    I try not to want to get the old me back too quickly because this causes more anxiety, but at my very lowest I can never see the end.

    Anyway, thanks for your reply and I am sure that the people on here that have been through this will hopefully shed a little more light on the matter.

    As for your grandmother and you, I think we have to look at it that maybe she wasn’t given the help and advise that we are getting on here, perhaps she was given the advise about searching for what was causing her anxiety?

    Searching doesn’t give us the peace we all want 🙂

    Si

  231. sasha 3rd November 2010 at 8:45 am - Reply

    Hi Si

    I do agree with what James said..so many thought arise in our mind at the same spot so it is naturally for our mind to get confused on which one to take upon and act..like he said the computer gets slow if u open so many programs at the same time…

    i do get that especially when i am in social situations…like people who gel in wel with the surroundings i get a little confused as to how to interact ina large social gathering…..i do get reminded as in what to do next..:) sounds robotic..all anxiety bit…i just remind miyself thats its ALL ANXIETY…and dont pay any heed to that…anything and everything distracting myself to function normally i put it on anxiety and keep it on one side..then think what am i here for? to have a good time..i try to concentrate on one particular thing…maybe talking to a person..try to listen carefully what she is trying to say..and whatever nonsense thoughts arise in between i brush it aside saying its all anxiety playing tricks on me…

    i am able to picture myself what that person is saying and gettin more involved in their story not giving much attention to how i feel…
    this helped me rather than concentrating on what i am saying as it was such a pain i was just stressing on how i ‘appear’ to that person…
    i dont know if its making sense…

    Si each times we get back into old thinkng patterns thats when we get caught up…so take a break learn the new habits..think what have i to do now…may be to cook, got to work, which clother to wear, teach my child rather than encouraging thoughts like ”Oh I dont know if i’ll be able to cope at work, or why wear something good i dont feel like, oh i am tired”
    just dont give much attention to thoughts which drags u down..instead focus on positives..anyways i am feeling low!…its time i cheer myself..my life is precious..so a i…after years of hurting poor us…!so let me wear something good, njoy the food if am going to dine out, njoy the movie whatever…

    i dont know if i am making sense..this is how i felt better..whenever i feel crappy i dont listen to that(most of the times ok..still at times i do get stuck)…its like i feel sort of furiousness if i listen to that because all my life i was listening to all crap talks and behaved accordingly but when i started living the other way not listening to crappy thoughts but deciding what i’ll do to make me happy i feel thats making me more empowered on what i want rather that how i’ll cope if i felt bad…

    and now i have reached a stage wherein i am ok with new me..not really want to be my old self as i was too concerned about how others r feeling and almost taking care of them emotionally thats how i ended up like this..so m happy to be a little more aware of what i want and what responsibilities should i meet for my family…i do it.. i dont crib neither do i encourage anyone’s complaint about me..
    i wish this is the final me..hope it doesnt evolve day by day..! Hmm

  232. Helen 3rd November 2010 at 10:14 am - Reply

    Hi Si,
    I think it is inevitable that the ‘normal’ everyday stuff is scary. They were for me because I so wanted to feel like ‘normal’ people do (that is, people without anxiety). I wanted to be able to go shopping without thinking and obssessing, I wanted to watch TV and read a book but I couldn’t because I couldn’t own the situation I was in. Anxiety takes over and robs you of enjoyment in the smallest of things and the small everyday things in life are what are important.
    What I can also tell you is that it has got a million times better for me. I don’t questions and analyse things and when these scary thoughts come I let them and this works, it honestly works. By trying to avoid it or anticipating it in a negative way you feed it. By accepting any thoughts that come to you and just letting them flow they die out because your body doesn’t react to them in the same way.

    All the best
    Helen

  233. Jen 3rd November 2010 at 11:50 am - Reply

    Hi candie, thanks for your reply.i am paying them alot of respect but when they are there all the time,i do get scared.i think alot is habit?could i be right.is it normal for the same thought r word to be there alot?especialy when i wake.what i want to know is it ok for these thoughts to be there.im not reacting but im still thinking.will i think normally again

  234. Caron 3rd November 2010 at 12:19 pm - Reply

    Hi Guys,

    I am really disapointed as have had a good couple of days telling myself to just ‘be’ with how I feel and its not important!

    However this schizophrenia thought keeps rearing its ugly head! I know its my anxious thought process bringing it on and say its just a thought etc but then think ‘but what if’ and start googling the symptoms and then testing myself to see if i have them or am waiting for them to come on. If I here a funny noise I ask people around me if they heard it too to check its not in my head! I am even scared to watch the telly tonight as i know one of the symptoms is you think the telly is sending you secret messages etc!!

    I know I just need to let it be and accept it is just my anxious mind creating this thought but its the fear thats keeping it there. Another method I thought I could use would be to say’ so what if I am schizophrenic, I’m not dying so whatever’. Does anyone think this would be a good thing to do?

    Any help would be appreciated guys

    Thanks
    Caron

  235. suranne 3rd November 2010 at 12:45 pm - Reply

    Oh Caron,

    I assure you that all this is perfectly, PEFECTLY normal when anxious. Why not try asking yourself ‘what if I get to be a lottery winner’ I can tell you now, that is about as useful, and untrue, as your schizophrenic question. Both are totally pointless questions, both are NOT reality and you have NOTHING to basis either question on. I had the same as you, lots of us do, but absolutely NOTHING happened to me, and it won’t happen to you, nor any if us who thought about schizophrenia, nor any other mystery ‘what if’ You either have it, or you don’t – simples. You on the otherhand, have ANXIETY, and that is what is causing you to adopt a behaviour, such as nerves about watching TV – just in case, this terrible illness should strike you.

    It isn’t easy to ignore the ‘mind chatter’ but that is ALL it is, we all get it, people without anxiety get it, it is part of life. The difference is, when anxious, it seems to take on a life of it’s own, and it is you who are giving it legs to run with! You can’t help being anxious, but you can help just not trying to justify or looking closely at these thoughts. I promise you, they are not reality. Also, what I can tell you, is after a bit, it dawns on you, that NONE of the terrible things you thought ‘may’ happen to you, happend.
    It is around that time, you will say to yourself, I am not going to keep playing this horrible game anymore. Then, you will feel some relief and gain some perspective.

    Jack

    I wanted to say thank you so much for helping me when I was stuck in the mud a bit. I have not been on for a few days, was just trying to give myself a wee break from the subject – I hear what you are saying, and of course you make perfect sense. You know what this game is like, up one min, down the next – so thanks for being there when I needed a leg up.

    Suranne.

  236. Paul David (Admin) 3rd November 2010 at 12:51 pm - Reply

    Kat I will answer the below in stages and tell you were you are going wrong.

    KAT Says: The thing I find unbearable is how I read something that reassures me, and then the next day, I’m a mess again!

    The reassuarance makes you feel better as you view how you feel in a different way for a while, your mood lifts through a better understanding and you see a little light at the end of the tunnel. This is the same for everyone, but it does not last long as the return of symptoms has you thinking ‘Oh here we go again’ and then the mood goes dark again, we feel sorry for ourselves, understand that this will happen, don’t see it as unbearable. Anxiety loves you to hate it, to hide away, to feel sorry for yourself. You have to think ‘I am so emotionally and physically spent due to my anxiety, to feel this way is not nice, but normal in the circumstances’ whist you still hate/complain about the way you feel, you have not for one minute allowed yourself to feel this way.

    Clearly, the lessons are not getting through, and I feel awful admitting that. My latest pattern seems to be this: wake up feeling dread, drag myself off to work, come home feeling exhausted, feel the dread again upon entering the house to see my husband and child, withdraw because I’m on the verge of tears, mindlessly eat dinner, shower, try to talk to my husband about my feelings in a way he hasn’t heard before (which is hard since I seem to be feeling dread about him, and I know it isn’t fair), and then I fall into bed, on the verge of tears, wondering if my life is going to fall apart.

    You will wake and feel full of dread, this will not go overnight, you will come home and feel emotionless when eating your dinner, this is sending you to the verge of tears, you hate every minute, wonder why, go to bed questioning it all, wondering when it will ever end and rinse and repeat the day after. Again not for one minute have you allowed yourself to feel this way, you must allow yourself to feel dread, allow yourself to feel emotionless, don’t fill yourself with self pity or question why. You don’t have to plaster a smile on your face, just live alongside how you feel for the time being.

    Your mind and body needs a break from this onslaught of worry and self pity. I felt exactly the same as you and cried a few tears, but I accepted this was going to be part of me for a while and I just had to get on with my day, feeling awful or not, what my mind and body did not need was me constantly questioning it all, worrying about it, getting frustrated, filling myself with self pity. I felt emotionless and empty for a while after, felt the feelings of dread, but in time I began to feel emotions again, not as anxious, my mind was clearer. The only reason why is because my body had a break, a chance to regain its balance. If I had to go through it all again tomorrow i would know exactly what to do. i would wake and feel awful, full of dread, but understand I would feel this way, this was normal in the circumstances. I would come home and cook the tea on auto pilot, yes my mind is exhausted and I have just spent so much time on me, this will pass in time. I would then go to bed and feel empty, I would understand I am just running on empty at the moment and just shut my eyes and go to sleep, I would not feel sorry for myself or question the whole day. Trust me it is your desperation to get better that is holding you back here, you are putting so much extra pressure on yourself to feel better.

    To be clear, my husband has done nothing to me to merit the sudden adverse reaction I’m having. I do not understand where this is all coming from, and I wonder if it’s essential that I know. Is it more important to just try to cope with the feelings?

    Most people when they look back will see that there has been some worry’s or a build up of stress that had them feeling this way, but now you have so much more stress and worry and that is the worry and stress of how you are feeling, this is what keeps you in the cycle, nothing else. There is no need to cope with the feelings, just try to see them in a different light, I don’t mean you have to like the way you feel, but just give in to it.

    I am soooo…sad, I guess is the word, because I was overwhelmingly in love with him for the past eight years, and to suddenly have my emotions seized by anxiety makes me very, very sad. All I want is to feel like I did before, and my thoughts keep coming in waves, things like ‘Oh, the love is over for good’ or ‘You probably don’t love him anymore and will never be happy’, and I feel supremely cheated, gutted even.

    These thoughts are just anxiety based and you question because you cannot feel emotions anymore, these emotions come back in time and you will feel exactly the same love, trust me on that. Your body shuts down your emotions to cope with all the worry and stress, it was not built to take it all. Also all the self pity builds up and depletes you emotionally and you feel so down and empty, all this comes back in time.

    He has been very supportive about all of this, and I’ve been as honest as possible because I trust that he’s wise enough to understand that I am really grappling here and not trying to hurt his feelings or make him feel insecure. He tells me that it’s okay, that he knows I love him and that this is just anxiety talking, but the trouble is that I don’t know anyone else who has gone through this, or at least, they’re not talking about it, and I’m really, really desperate to fix it.

    You know hundreds of people who are going through this, how many are on here? Please don’t see yourself as a victim, you are going through what millions of others have. Many people know what field i work in and they then feel they can confined in me and tell me they once felt this way or their mother or brother suffers, it is very, very common. Your husband has a great outlook and says to you ‘It is just the anxiety talking’ and he is so right, you are still the same person, you are just buried under symptoms at the moment, the old you will return, but you must allow it to. DON’T be despeate to fix it, this is really holding you back, just live alongside how you feel for now, I put this statement in a post above and it is so true and try and let it be your new outlook

    You must make anxiety your friend in order for you “both” to live in peaceful harmony.

    Or your anxiety would say

    ‘Kat I am going to be around for a while, so we may aswell get on’

    So Kat please, just get up and what the day brings it brings, some maybe awful, some maybe better, but just roll with the punches, don’t feel the need to work it all out( this will just tire your mind further and have you on you even more), don’t feel the need to fix it (time will do that), don’t fill yourself with self pity (this drains you emotionally) don’t let it frustrate you so much(this just adds to your anxiety) just try and change your attitude towards how you feel and you will begin to see changes, lose the desperation to be better and be happy with progress, don’t demand to feel a certain way or look back and count the days to check how you are doing, give your body and mind as much space as it needs.

    I will say it again ‘I was stuck in exactly the same hole you are in now, I never moved forward until I changed my attitude and approach and did what I say above and I was worse than anyone i have ever helped’.

    Paul

  237. candie 3rd November 2010 at 1:22 pm - Reply

    Kat, id just like to tell you i had the exact same thought about my partner- frightened me to bloody death! All the anxiety made me worry to the extent i was exhausted, i was looking at a photo of him one day and the thought just popped in that what if i dont love him anymore, ofcourse i should of then just done nothing about that thought (but i didnt know how anxiety works and effects our thoughts), i obsessed, cried, made myself very numb.. had panic attacks etc. It got to the point where i was so emotionally spent it felt very real to me and i felt nothing at all because i was so worked up, my point is when you trually dont care for someone anymore.. it doesnt arrise through anxiety, the fact your feeling fear shows its not true. No matter how real it seems to you, do what i did- say so what if it seems real, so what if i cant feel much at the minute.. learn yourself to be fine with it. It doesnt happen straight away, it can take weeks.. months to adopt fully. Anxiety has caused you to have an intrusive thought, you then followed the path of rumernation taking the thought seriously.. you dont have to beleive its not true to dismiss it. Dismissing isnt getting the contents of the thought right, its removing any negative emotional reaction through understanding. My way of understanding was to allow myself to feel that way knowing it was anxiety based, once i grasped this the thought went from my radar and over time i saw it was obsurd. Dont fight with the idea, give in to it- you dont have to prove you dont beleive its true, you have to be ok with your mind not allowing closure on this. I dont have this thought about my partner at all now, i totally learnt from this experience too… love is how much you care about someone and is unconditional. You dont have to feel it constantly.. so dont look at him searching for positive emotions.

  238. T 3rd November 2010 at 5:07 pm - Reply

    Hiii everyone, its T :)!I am sure some people remember me because I was a regular poster here from November 2009 to April. Those months were a pure hell to me. Everything started on 5th of November 2009 wirh panick attack an depersonalization and it was the worst time of my life. I haven’t posted here I think, since April. So let me tell you about what happened.
    During the winter I was absolutely awful as some of you might remember, I was posting here almost every day with new problem and new fear, couldn’t even get out of house, dropped out of college, I was in my own head 24/7, was looking at anxiety websites all day, dp, derealization, visits to ER for panick attack (when they had to give me an injection to calm me), the most weirdest, bizzare thoughts, feelings imaginable, went to psychiatrsit but it didnt help a lot, bought Pauls book which helped a lot. I realized I MUST CONTINUE my life NO MATTER WHAT. This is the thought that helped me and pushed me to go forward. There is no third way, You can keep living or you could die and OF COURSE none of us wants to die, it’s our worst fear, so the ONLY thing I can do is just KEEP LIVING my life the way I lived it before. Life, the reality ( had sooo many scary thought about this) haven’t changed, the only thing that changed were my thoughts. So that’s what I did.I kept living no matter how miserable , awful, scared I felt and I still hoped that one day I will be better. I started to take course in spanish language, took driving lessons, started going out a bit ( force myself to go actually), then I did the best thing I could have done and started to look for a job. In june I started working at the airport as a ground stewardess and at first it was tough and my first day was horrible and I was crying when I got home from work, was so anxious and felt so weird, but I didn’t want to give up so I stayed and it started to be amazing. I met so many great people, new friends, the job was interesting and my life became a lot more interesting and that got me out of my head. I even met a guy there I liked, and he liked me, so now HE was in my thoughts and head most of the time which was a great change:) I still had anxiety, weird thoughts, feeling sometimes, had a small panick attack at the job, but all that was happening less and less, and I remember one day thinking about everything that happened and the state I was in during the winter and I just couldn’t understand how could I ever felt that way and think that way, now that everything was so clear and back to normal! I remember, I realized I was better when it was the middle of July and 5th of July has passed an I didn’t even think that it was 7 months since I started suffering. (because when I was at the my worst, every 5 th of month I would calculate how many months I was suffering )and when 5-th of July has come and passed and I didn’t even think about “monthly anxiety anniversarY” I knew I was better. And I knew I was better when one day I woke up and was feeling kinda down and tired but I didn’t question it why I felt that way, I just let it be, and tommorow I was in good spirits again!:) I think this will show to all of you that feel very bad right now ,that things CAN an Do get better, trust me, I feared I am the worst and that I will never, ever be better but deep down I did always have just a little bit of hope that things will work out for me.
    Well, now I must be negative again because, since first of november I don’t work there anymore because that was just a job during the summer and season, from june to november, my contract expired. And now, here I am, again, it’s November, its cold, dark at 5 o clock, I don’t have anything to do and the worst thing is that ALL the memories from last year are now haunting me more than ever and I just keep thinking and reminiscing about all that happened and that makes me so scared that I will surely slip again in that dark hole and place I was one year ago. I just want to let you all know how I was doing ( in case anyone was wondering, lol) , to let other people know that life goes on and there is a Sun after the rain, and, I guess to find a bit of reasurrence and advice what to do now when I am feeling like this when the memories are so hard and strong, they are making me feel a bit panicky and worried… big hug to all of you brave and amazing people, you are not alone:) and I hope I get some feedback!

  239. Patrick 3rd November 2010 at 10:17 pm - Reply

    Hey everybody, my name is Patrick, I’ve been following the blog for almost 2 years and I have recovered a lot since I first started. This is my first post. I have a question to everyone who has tried inositol. I recently started using it and had great results, however, one of the negative effects it had on me was that it caused sleeplessness. I did have the possitive effect of REM sleep, however, I would wake up several times per night. I did some research and found that a few other people had experienced the same thing (although most people report positive effects on their sleep from inositol). I’m just wondering if anyone else has experienced this? I only used it for two weeks and then stopped. Does it get better after 3-4 weeks? Is there a natural supplement that “keeps you asleep” when taking inositol? Like I said, I had great results using it which is why I would like to keep using it. While taking it I only had one pill of 500mg/day. I will try the 250mg ones and see if they have a milder effect on sleep. Please let me know if you have any ideas.

    /Patrick

  240. Hawkeye 4th November 2010 at 1:09 am - Reply

    Kat just so you know you are not alone this was one of my major obessions and has now gone as I have found something else to obsess over. Just shows what a bluff it all is. Anxiety trys to get you in many ways. Have a so what attitude and things start to improve. If a thought about your husband enters your head say ‘thanks for coming stay as long as you want I don’t care’. Do not give it the time of day it is only there because you gave it attention in the first place. IT IS NOT TRYING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING!!! Your mind does not know fact from fiction it only reacts to what you are sending it. You do not need to question it analyze it or do what ever. Thank it for coming and carry on. So what if you feel yucky for awhile your mind is tired this is expected. IT will pass give it time though.
    xxxxx
    Rach

  241. kat 4th November 2010 at 2:37 am - Reply

    Thank you so much, Paul, candie and Hawkeye. I have been in such a state over this and was frantically trying to figure it out, only to find very little information anywhere on the web about this particular symptom, as it were. Your experience, advice and support are truly appreciated. I would have to attribute most of my worry to the fact that my last relationship never recovered from this, and I began to think that this relationship, which is far more important to me, would not survive either. Thank you for giving me the information, which also gives me hope, to carry on. I will do my best to work with what you’ve given me to help me get back on my feet.

    Paul, your site and blog are a necessity to anyone dealing with panic/anxiety disorder. It’s always such a comfort to come here, knowing intuitively that you are here, doing what you do, with nothing more on your agenda than helping others to free themselves of the ravages of anxiety. I admire you for your strength, courage and generosity. You’re one of a kind and I thank you wholeheartedly.

  242. hawkeye 4th November 2010 at 4:45 am - Reply

    I found a lot of information on ROCD a type of relationship OCD. ‘Do I love him do I not. It was reassuring to know that is was quite common and Claire Weekes even mentions it in her book. Don’t let the OCD label scare you though it is all anxiety that is all. Also I did not find the forums on this at all helpful as they just told stories. The information from people who had recovered from this use the same methods PAUl uses. It does not matter what your obsession is it all needs to be treated the same. With the right attitude you will come through this. I had done the same in all my relationships to but with my husband now I was determined not to let it ruin what we have. I see it for what it is not just my tired mind tricking me. Searching for information on it is not helpful trust in Paul, Candie and I when we say you can move through it. Think forwards and that is where you will go.
    xxxx
    RAch

  243. Jane 4th November 2010 at 12:51 pm - Reply

    Hi. I’ve just found this blog after reading the main articles. Like many of you I have had this anxiety thing for, I think, around 8 years but didn’t know that’s what I have. I imagined I have every ailment under the sun and have found the symptom checker and I just about tick every box. I just need to know if this tummy lurching feeling is all part of it? It stops me going to sleep, it’s the first thing that happens when I wake and just comes on spontaneously, lasts for a couple of seconds and may happen again and again or may stop.

  244. Paul David (Admin) 4th November 2010 at 12:51 pm - Reply

    Kat helping people gives me massive satisfaction and you know the biggest motivation ‘I would have give my right arm for someone to help and guide me all those years ago, I felt so alone, lost and so dreadful’ and I truly don’t want anyone to go through what I did, the sooner they have some information and understanding, the sooner they can begin to turn their life around. I am also just one of many who now advise on here, people like Scarlet, Candie, Diana and others do it for no gain, but just to help others. These people are vital to keep the blog going as with the growth it is too big for one person to try and help everyone.

  245. ian 4th November 2010 at 1:07 pm - Reply

    Hi there. I am struggling with my thoughts and don’t know what to do. Every thought seems to frighten me. It is like any normal thought or action – from ‘shall I get up now’ to ‘what is going to happen to my job’ – absolutely anything seems to send me into a downward spiral of inward thinking, my mind just turns in and races and all sorts of thoughts come, incessantly, they may be around the ‘trigger’ thought or just subsequent thoughts, memories, images, dreams. I seem obsessed by all this, I really find it hard to actually do anything. It’s hard to get out of bed, it’s hard to drive down the road. I’m trying to talk to people with all this going on, the thoughts seemingly demanding my attention. Some of the thoughts are quite weird like I am deliberately trying to frighten myself – but it all seems so out of control. I barely sleep with all this going on through the night (haven’t done properly for months). It’s really frightening. I’ve posted before but I really can’t get my head around it (well I can’t seem to think properly at all). It is like the inward thinking that is the killer but I’m can’t resolve what thoughts to ‘allow’, it’s not like a repetitive obsessive thought I could say I was frightened of, it’s more like all thoughts at once and the obsession is with all of them – surely allowing this is the problem – allowing myself to obsess about every thought, thinking incessantly about my anxiety. Some thoughts are ‘real’ – like concern about my job, some are just silly, but I can’t get any perspective on what to do with any of them as they all seem to lead me down to this inward thinking, I am so tired I can’t seem to grasp anything. I can’t understand what I am to accept – if I follow the inward thinking (which is what frightens me most) then it’s just that, I spend my whole date focussing on every thought I have fearfully. Sometimes I might latch onto a thought to ‘allow’ it but it’s not that any particular thought is the problem it feels like the obsession with examining every single thought I may have is the problem and trying to figure out what to do, how to cope. I find it really difficult to engage in anything to distract myself – perhaps, as just now, I can concentrate enough to pull through a meeting, with the thoughts still inward and frightening, but frankly am frightened of what happens next, when the vague distraction has gone and I go deeper into this. I spend my day looking for moments away from people/distraction to try and figure out what the hell is going on and how I can make it through. How can I accept this sort of inward thinking when it is the problem itself and I can’t seem to actually function in any meaningful way with it there? I get extremely angry and desperate, as there seems no escape. ‘Just ignore the mind chatter’ just doesn’t seem to add up to what I am experiencing. I guess I just don’t know what to ‘accept’ and still be able to function. How can I allow myself to feel this way? Hope this makes sense (?) to someone. Sorry for the negative post but I feel I have tried everything for the last 2 months and am just so exhausted.

  246. Caron 4th November 2010 at 1:17 pm - Reply

    Hi jane, the stomach churning is definitely a symptom of anxiety – and not a nice one! I have it for most of the time and wake early with it. It’s nothing to worry about but I know it’s uncomfortable. Hope this helpsx

  247. Jane 4th November 2010 at 1:34 pm - Reply

    Hi Caron. Thank you so much for replying and I feel better that I’m not the only one experiencing this. I had no idea that so many people experience this awful anxiety and having read all these comments I feel for each and every one of you. x

  248. natalie 4th November 2010 at 4:53 pm - Reply

    hi guys

    Bad Day !!!! have been reading some of your messages and can totally connect esp about partners and kids x have gone back to work this week having had a few good weeks and started well .. then today started to feel vunerable and hey presto lol then picked the boys up crying and someone being mean to one of them and started to think i was a bad mum.. which lead to an arguement with my husband. but i just got in had a bath let the boys go on there games .. left my hubby to chill out and come one here to share. i still feel crap but what can i do .. just have to accept that moving forward will be challenging and keep putting one foot in front of the other. but still feel like crying x thanks to paul i know that i just have to accept this have a cry and get on with my day . only time and hope will see me through this bad day xxx

  249. Helen 4th November 2010 at 9:00 pm - Reply

    Hi Natalie,
    Bad days make the good ones even better x

  250. Paul David (Admin) 4th November 2010 at 10:17 pm - Reply

    So true Helen 🙂

  251. ruth 4th November 2010 at 10:19 pm - Reply

    hi Natalie

    I think you are doing so well going back to work.I remember your earlier posts with fear and confusion about going back to work and now look what you have achieved.this is another step of your recovery you have got to continue with the acceptance of sometimes horrible spaced out days that is so necessary with anxiety recovery.I hope that you will start having more good days.

  252. Helen 4th November 2010 at 10:56 pm - Reply

    Hi Ian,
    You are trying to work out your anxiety, which thoughts to allow, why you are constantly inwardly thinking and this is causing the problem, it is making you more tired and you are draining your body and mind even further and you are in a vicious circle. It is made harder as some of your thinking is about ‘real’ problems like work so it gives you the idea that there can be some truth behind what you are thinking so you are trying to seperate what you think may be anxiety and what could be ‘real’ worries (I hope this makes sense). Because you are frightened you are looking for distractions in the wrong way. Yes, you need to keep busy but not for the sole reason of trying not to think. You need to allow your thoughts to come to you and not be frightened of what they mean, why won’t they stop, how can I allow myself to feel like this? The more you try and push them away, the more they will come at you with force.
    In your post you say that you find it difficult to drive down the road, to engage in conversation, to do your job but do you not see what a positive thing it is that you are doing these things. Carry on doing them but try not to analyse the your inward thinking, don’t rationalise why you are worried or having obsessive thoughts. You are on your way to recovery Ian, don’t put pressure on yourself.
    I have been through exactly the same thing and I honestly thought I would never get through it and I have and so will you. Accept that anxiety will be around for a while and don’t try and push it away, it will leave you but only if you leave it alone.

    Best wishes
    Helen

  253. yolande 5th November 2010 at 1:55 am - Reply

    hi

    Does anyone ever feel that weekends are difficult to get thru? When i am at work mon-fri i can function – work is v busy but at least i dont reuminate. once weekend starts, then BAM all sort of thoughts come in. i have come to dread the weekend. i try to find things to keep myself occupied but it’s hard – as before when i get anxiety i wud just use the weekend to relax.

    now i find i cant do this anymore at this stage when i am recovering from anxieyt.

    T, i can relate to you. i think the one thing that has helped me is going back to work and finding a job that i like as well as the company and its staff. work helps. it keeps you from thinking too much and also helps cos it forces you to mix with ppl. i think you shd find another job soon – and i know that you will be ok. you have come so far! I know i have altho i do backslide once in a while.

    =====> Scarlet, i posted a question a while back and i hope you can advise me. lately i am fearful that stress at my work place would bring back some if not all of my anxiety symptoms. i KNOW this is anxiety talking but i cant help but fear it . any advice that you can share will be appreciated. i still get low moods but am learning (not always successfully) to accept them.

    anyone’s advice is also appreciated.

  254. Nick 5th November 2010 at 1:58 am - Reply

    Hi anybody got any views/ reviews on using st Johns wort, 5htp, or any other natural products? I am sure anti depressants are actually contributing to some depression. I just don’t think they work for some people, currently taking tricyclic AD after starting Prozac previously I went bananas! But unfortunatly I don’t really get any benefit from these apart from sleep. Currently using b- complex vitamin supplement and high strengh omega3, but any advice on any other natural products would be great. Could be an interesting post as would be great to find out what products help and is it just me or are anti depressants just rubbish and compound problems and symptoms more. Or is there a tablet out there that to suit someone. Weird also when you tell the doctor this he looks at me amazed like I should be great using these tablets! No win situation sometimes even making a doctors appointment. Take care everybody

  255. yolande 5th November 2010 at 2:18 am - Reply

    Ian,

    You said “Ifind it really difficult to engage in anything to distract myself –”

    I had and am still having this problem too. Just have no interest in finding things to engage in anything to distract me.

    let me share my experiences with you. when i first had anxiety last year, i struggled thru work -i dont like my office or my work there but i forced myself to lunch with my colleagues, to talk to them at work. it feels like shite in the beginning but slowly very slowly i can see some improvements- actually only realised it months down the road. you never actually realise that you are improviing at that moment, it’s always later that you see it. I have since left that job into a new job which I really love but which is getting stressful. so i am now having negative thoughts abt my work lately it’s “what if stress drives me back to anxiety’, ‘what if my colleagues can sense something wrong with me’. sometimes i can say ‘so what??” sometimes i cant.

    What Helen has said above makes a lot of sense. it’s not abt distracting yourself so you STOP thinking, it’s to let THEM IN but not take them further. not easy to do, i am tell you – am still learning.

    what i want to say is keep doing what you are doing now at work, cos honestly it will get better.

  256. jess 5th November 2010 at 4:35 am - Reply

    Helen,
    Great reply to Ian…. You are exactly right!

    Ian,
    really listen to what helen has to say, she is spot on! There’s nothing i need to add, the fact that you are living life, and trying to ignore the obsessive thinking is the way forward ( give yourself a great pat on the back). Remember Ian, it took us a long time to fall into this hole, it WILL take a while to climb out of it. Be patient.

    Ian when i was at my worst i was intune with every horrible thought that went through my brain, every second of the day was a struggle as i was petrified of what i was thinking. But Ian, i am living proof that we can recover, im 99% of the way there and it was with Paul’s method. Ian what you have to do is realise that its not the thoughts that are the problem, it is our reaction to the thoughts…. Try and invite these thoughts in.. As i have said before on this blog i created a classroom of worries in my head… I invited them all in, and when i got a really bad one i used to say “well anxiety come you and sit at the front of the class” and when i got a really BAD one ” it had to come up and write on the board” do you see what i was doing here? I was teaching my mind that I am not afraid of this thought, that i do not have to work it out, and that i am in control.

    Ian, if we get down to the anatomy & physiology of anxiety, you body at the moment is in the fight & flight state, during fight & flight are body is full of adrenalin (which causes a sensitized state). It is the adrenalin that causes the racing mind, what you need to do is try and reduce these levels of adrenalin and give your mind a break, every little time you give your mind a break it can start to repair itself. Remember the human body is a magnificant healer. Also the fact that we are in this state we are telling our bodies we are afraid of something we should’nt be afraid of, you need to re-train your brain, to tell it you are not afraid and this is what i mean when i say change the reaction to the thoughts. Ian i have been where you are, and it is absolutely horrible, but i done what paul teaches on this blog, and now i am reeping the benefits!

    Ian remember you are not ALONE! and recovery is possible… It has taken me 6 months to get to the point where i am at now, and you will be able to get here too, just be patient and try the methods that have been suggested.

    Take Care

    Jessica

    P.s. Nice to see you rach on this blog ( hawkeye ) hope you are well xx

  257. Andre 5th November 2010 at 5:04 am - Reply

    Hello T!
    I remember You very well, as You said You were posting every day, sometimes even more than once. 🙂 I’m very glad You have come so far in such a short period of time, because i think from where you were a year ago and what You have achieved during this year is amazing. This is normal T, from time to time to embers the past sufferings, especially if you have suffered enormously one year ago, but as with time flow this will be just memory without any emotion, nothing more. I have so many episodes of this kind, but i’ve come trough every time, with the same attitude, so please do not engage into a mental battle once again, let the feelings, emotions, thoughts to flow, but not get ruminating about them. There will come much better days and with every episode you will become much stronger.

  258. hawkeye 5th November 2010 at 5:22 am - Reply

    Just wondering guys, I am chugging along on the upper end of a bad setback. However the thoughts still lurk. I am not adding as much second fear now, it sometimes catches me out but I mainly get the first rush of fear and move on. I have been having some good days but just wondered how or when the thoughts go.

    People say that they come through setbacks and the thoughts fade. Mine don’t seem too but my reaction to them does. I know I am still worried that they are there. But it just seems like I get to a point and the thoughts are still there. Then eventually I dive back into another setback.

    I just remember when I was younger and I obsessively thought about my parents dying when I came out of a setback the thoughts went and of course later they did come back but they went for a long time.

    Now they lessen but just lurk. Not sure what I am trying to say here. I have had moments when I am really engaged and they are gone but its like I mentally check back in. or they just pop back up. I am not giving them attention but they still pop back up.

    Thanks for any advice guys. I know the content doesn’t matter now.
    xx

  259. hawkeye 5th November 2010 at 5:22 am - Reply

    hope I made sense

  260. Ian 5th November 2010 at 9:03 am - Reply

    Thanks for the responses people, to a very negative and rambling post – so appreciated. I will try to move forward with what you say. It is such a lonely place anxiety, and I guess a cliche but suffers I think feel that what they have is ‘special’ to them. Managed 6 hours uninterrupted sleep last night so that’s a good thing – at work now and ready to go on (without looking here every hour or so hopefully!)

    I have experienced these really bad ‘breakdown’ episodes with my anxiety perhaps 3 times in my life before, once having to give up my job, and after a long period with little anxiety I understand that this is just making me more desperate right now, I so don’t want to live like this forever (and a lot my my thoughts/memories at present are around other periods of feeling like this). I can see that this is just adding to the ‘what they mean, why won’t they stop, how can I allow myself to feel like this’ scenario.

    Onward.

  261. candie 5th November 2010 at 10:05 am - Reply

    Hi T Glad to see your ok, i think the memory of suffering is last to go, you have to not care if it comes back because you know its not permanant and you can cope and accept it. This past month iv seen major improvements with my anxiety, i just know now any of the symptoms can come and i really just dont care! Paul once said you are recovered when you no longer care about the symptoms, my thought back then to that was ‘how can that be, these awful thoughts and feelings are sitll there’. Now i see clearly as they are no longer scary awful thoughts or feelings to me, just symptoms. I think for me it took me so long to recover as i was over looking what i was told here, thinking these people dont understand how bad my anxiety is- thinking i was unique! Ofcourse i can see now i never was, and i suppose now im in the same position as those recovered… im no longer scared to experience any of it. I think when you get to that stage it slips from your mental radar and you move on

  262. SI 5th November 2010 at 10:28 am - Reply

    Ian,

    Having read your post I totally understand where you are coming from. Every thing scares me to a degree. The most stupid of things!

    BUT…… Having read the responces, It all makes sence, still very hard to put into practice and I supose that’s what’s frustrating me and again making me more anxious.

    I admire the people that have got through this and are giving out so much vital info for us sufferers.

    I don’t think it’s a bad idea to keep popping on here when you feel down, cos now I feel that little bit better knowing that I am in recovery.

    What Helen wrote realy struck me….. My mind is very negative, but what she said about, you driving, going to work ect is a possitive and the road to recovery. I can never seem to find anything negative in myself… WHY? because I know I am searching to be the person I was. Instead of just letting things be I am constantly thinking of things to destract me, things to make me better, when what I should be doing is JUST DOING.

    Can Helen or anyone help or relate to this… My mood is that low that I have to push to do everything, from getting out of bed, to eating, going to work, playing with the kids ect. I get so many moments when I actually am LIVING without the thoughts but then suddenly I am aware again and feel deflated, what I try to do is push again but by this time my mood has changed again?

    Hope it makes sence?

    Si

  263. Paul David (Admin) 5th November 2010 at 10:59 am - Reply

    Very good advice Helen and from someone who has totally got it and come through. When people come on and say what got them through, it was not unique to them, all our body’s work the same, it is their approach that was different to the one who still finds themselves stuck in a rut.

    What people sometimes mean when they say ‘I don’t get it yet, this is not working for me’ it means they have not unravelled the answer to make it all go away and it is never about that.

    Someone also mentioned ‘Paul’s method’ it is not really a method, it is how your mind and body works and responds. If you analyse the hell out of your anxiety, analyse why you think a certain way, analyse your thoughts, go round and round in your mind looking for answers of course you will sink deeper, as you will tire your mind out further, making it feel more and more clogged up, it will feel more and more dull and unresponsive, more and more fatiqued. If you keep analysing the way you think, how you feel, how you were yesterday, of course you will feel more and more detached, more and more self aware, more and more trapped in your own mind, it makes sense, it’s not a method, it’s how your mind and body works.

    One lady sent me an email and said ‘Paul everything was racing away today, the thoughts, internal fears, I felt detached and very self aware, but today I did not question, I did not try and fix it, I just went with all the craziness and felt a little peace, you are so right and I have learnt I don’t have to analyse the hell out of this anymore’. That same women is now fully recovered. It took her sometime, but she had finally understood and went through it all, not trying to jump over or walk around it, she went straight through it, felt everything at will and just went about her day, sometimes she said it was hellish, but she kept going, however she felt. It is when the feeling good or bad loses it’s importance that we really start to move forward.

  264. Paul David (Admin) 5th November 2010 at 11:16 am - Reply

    Simon do what you say below.

    My mind is very negative, but what she said about, you driving, going to work ect is a possitive and the road to recovery. I can never seem to find anything negative in myself… WHY? because I know I am searching to be the person I was. Instead of just letting things be I am constantly thinking of things to destract me, things to make me better, when what I should be doing is JUST DOING.

  265. SI 5th November 2010 at 11:34 am - Reply

    Paul…

    Sorry this was meant to say

    My mind is very negative, but what she said about, you driving, going to work ect is a possitive and the road to recovery. I can never seem to find anything POSSITIVE (not negative) in myself… WHY? because I know I am searching to be the person I was. Instead of just letting things be I am constantly thinking of things to destract me, things to make me better, when what I should be doing is JUST DOING.

    Didn’t want to confuse you as much as I have myself. But does the advise I have given myself still count 🙂

    Thanks Pal

  266. Matt K. 5th November 2010 at 12:15 pm - Reply

    Hey Everyone,

    I have struggled with this anxiety off and on for 19 years. Some years have been good, some bad. Mine also began like Paul’s. I dabbled in some drugs and one day had a bad experience with it. From that point on, I havent used drugs, but I became super sensitive to any type of anxiety feeling. Constantly worried that I permantely damaged myself that night or that I need to rid myself of this feeling. Basically being trapped in a vicious cycle of monitoring, wanting to get rid or and worrying about how I feel. I can see now that even in the good years, I avoided places that would bring the feelings. So I have built up many avoidance behaviours and saftey behaviours over the years. I have gone to numerous counselors and also have tryed many types of “cures”. I currently am in counseling with somone who has recovered from this anxiety for almost 17 years. We have been working with my thoughts and following them through to the worst case scenario, almost like an exposure with the thoughts. For example one of my fears is going crazy…so we followed that thought through to the end and it came to me being locked up in a Psch ward being strapped down and drugged up, loosing my wife and kids and basically being shunned from the family. A funny thing happened once I got to this point in our discussion….Something inside me actually started defending myself, some positive thoughts came out like…..Even I my worst, I have been able to function, you cant go crazy from anxiety, I can do this with patience and time…….It was almost like I was starting to convince myself and developing some belief in the process of recovery. The next exposure thougt was I cant handle this life! My instant reaction to this inside when he said it was “Hell, yeah I can handle this!”

  267. Matt K. 5th November 2010 at 12:18 pm - Reply

    Sorry, I hit enter to fast.

    Long story short…..Belief in the process is something that does not come to me or probably many of us with ease, but it is essential I think to recover. If we keep doubting and fighting with the process, we will never get anywhere. I think we must work on our belief and faith that this is a road to recovery. We are no different that Paul, Scarlet or anyone else who has recovered. We just need to have faith and belief that we can as well.

  268. Jen 5th November 2010 at 1:24 pm - Reply

    Dear Candie,

    I would really appreciate if you could advise me. I am still absolutly terified of the thoughts and words in my head. I am doing everything normally (I think) but my head feels like sometimes it will explode. Is it normal for the thoughts/words to be there alot of the time-like racing and going over and over again. Thats what scares me the most is the racing aspect. I get very frustrated at times. I am not sure how to begin to break this habit and want to be able to dismiss these. But everytime they come in they just race again so its hard to dismiss them. They are such awful words and thoughts that are hard to ignore. Im mind is so tired at the moment, I have lost s much weight and am very thin alredy. I want to be healthy but I need to know where to start. If these thoughts come in do I let them race and shout? When they do I get scared- How do I break this habit and not be frightened? Once I have a starting point, know I wil be fine.

    Thank you

  269. Caron 5th November 2010 at 2:13 pm - Reply

    Hi Jen, Have you tried saying to yourself when a scary thought or word comes in to your head “your not really scary, it’s just my anxiety playing tricks”. That’s what I am trying to do today x

  270. Helen 5th November 2010 at 4:37 pm - Reply

    Hi Si,
    Yes, I can totally relate to what you said in your earlier post. It feels terrible, when you are feeling so low, to push hard to do normal everyday living that comes so easily to others. But you are winning, you are doing them even when anxiety puts all it’s pressure on you, when you are feeling so low that you don’t want to get out of bed, you don’t want to talk to people because you know what an effort it is going to be. Keep on doing it, keep pushing on through, let the thoughts and feelings hang around whilst you are doing them and slowly you won’t have to push as hard. It is brilliant that you are pushing because this means that you aren’t giving up but don’t put pressure on yourself, don’t give yourself a deadline to get better, don’t wish that this would all go away because it will. Keep on with your every day living and live with anxiety until one day when you realise that it isn’t there anymore.

    All the best
    Helen

  271. SI 5th November 2010 at 5:39 pm - Reply

    Helen,

    Thanks very much for your kind supporting words. If I look back over the last 18 months I have definately come along way, the setback are trouble some, but I do keep pushing as much as I can. I’ve never been that good at motivating myself, but I did read in the book “Feel the fear and do it anyway” that…. ACTIONS come before motivation, and you know what, how true it is. OK it’s not easy for us when we are down, but when we do feel a little less pressure we do seem to try a bit more.

    I often THINK (there we go again.. thinking 🙂 ) How many people say they are going to the gym because they want to get fit or loose some pounds, but how easy it is to stop going.

    I think what I am trying to say is that we can relate to anxiety a bit like this, when we don’t feel rubbish and give our minds a stop gap we can do anything, it just happens. When we feel/think we can’t we so easy give up. But I suppose those little times we can push that bit more…. we will get that bit more of a good feeling.

    Again thanks Helen and sorry if none of this makes perfect sence.

    All the very best to you too

    Si

  272. candie 5th November 2010 at 9:08 pm - Reply

    Jen, honestly it is normal- i had the same thoughts every second of the day, in the end i thought i thought sod it! Decided i would allow myself to think them, even made myself think them on purpose- the first step to losing fear is simply everytime they pop in been ok with that. Telling yourself adrenalin causes us to think worst case scenario stuff and a tired mind causes the repetitive nature- almost like a broken record. They do go away, over time and you wont even notice them go as you get that used to allowing them they gradually just go.

  273. natalie 6th November 2010 at 8:14 am - Reply

    morning guys

    just wanted to say thankyou to helen and ruth for your posts.. a bit of rationality which was needed most and hello to ian totally get what you are saying and the funny thing is it has made me realise i have progressed because i was like you a few months ago and even though i still struggle better than back then .. this proves that slowly and surly i am getting better so there is hope ian.. it seems at the time you read the words on here and they do make sense but you just cannot seem to put them into practise. but don’t force it just take a sentence or two that really hit home and every now and then read it.. don’t try and put it in place just acknowledge it and slowly it makes sense and you can put it into practise.. just realise that you are not alone that you are normal and that you are not a victim but a very strong person that despite everything is continuing on with your life, have a cry when you need to ..your only human but keep hugging yourself you are very special and you will come through this it will improve.
    i still struggle but know that this will happen as i push the boundaries but if i really want to live my life my way i have to do this. but go at your own pace everyone is different. i think i have realised i cannot fix this only time and my body that in the mean time i just have to keep moving forward and find happiness in my boys and in life. this way it will not be as painful and will let the time pass more easily x
    by the way paul i realise that i have nothing to fear at work it is jsut having to get used to my thoughts and emotions which hopefully over time will become more positive and less destructive xx

  274. John S 6th November 2010 at 12:03 pm - Reply

    Hi Paul, Candie and others

    I haven’t commented in a long time. I fist started writing on this wall along time ago and have had ‘anxiety ‘ for a long time. It takes along while to ‘realise’ how to recover. (i searched too hard trying to discover how to think, make myself better. That is not the way!!!!) It certainly took me a while but for the last year i dropped all the fighting and just let myself be. I got a job and went everywhere feeling awful, wanting to go home ect but i just let myself think and feel it all and did eveything. Its not great but its the only way.

    I am now much better, still have bad weeks and bad days but i also have great weeks and days. I now do more than before and sometimes i feel full of anxiety but i just treat it as part of me and Im so much better for it. I am pretty much living a normal life (work, cinema, sunday footy, races ect) with however i feel. Getting better slowly but defo better. I have improved loads over the past year and it will take however long it takes.

    Never put a time limit on anything. Used to that as well!

    The siet is looking great Paul, was a while ago i was on and I know you have plenty of followers so you may or may not remember me. Brilliant work mate and keep it up. Just wanted to give an update and say thanks to you and others who give advice.

    Cheers

    John

  275. sasha 6th November 2010 at 12:09 pm - Reply

    Hi Candie, scarlet, Paul or anyone

    Just curious about this…is it normal to get involved in another story parallel to leading a normal life ie while carrying on our day to day activities with no hindrance my mind brings in a lot of thoughts on a particular event and it becomes difficult to take my mind off. Actually speaking i know i shouldnt think of it as it will only tire me out….but its difficult to wind it off. there is no anxiety involved in it..but the thoughts arent very pleasant..because I am able to function normally in my chores i hardly notice or recognise that i am following a train of thought which is unnecessary or should be avoided at any cost as i can feel that its taking a lot of my energy…i get more involved in the story thats going on in my mind rather that whats going on outside…to be precise..guess its old habits creeping again to spoil my sanity and peace..:)

    any of you experienced this..that when u r totlly carried off by ur perception of an event and mind starts chattering and u become part of that story (but u can function normally) rather than u watching from outside and getting unefected by it?
    how to get to do that..ie just sitting on the rail and watching thoughts pass by.. or just tell myself dont start weaving the story..end it abrubtly and carry on focusing on what i do ?
    i am fine otherwise there are no symptoms there isnt much anxiety for me so as to say but these thoughts are so nagging to teh core that its keeps annoying me in the backdrop..rather than getting scared like before i am getting so annoyed and irritated that i am unable to focus on the goodness of life…..to see life as it is..

    i want to use my time and energy on the goodness of life gifted to me n for people around me..how to chuck off unwanted thoughts..guess this is anxiety in itself isnt it? just that i am not scared anymore i dont know what this is….?

    Pls help me…on this anyone experiencing the same…!
    Cheers and wishing u all a good day friends…!

  276. Caron 6th November 2010 at 3:21 pm - Reply

    Hey guys, hope you are all having a good day? I have been practising the method of ‘whatever , it’s just my anxiety creating bad thoughts’. It is definitely starting to work but I just need some reassurance with something if anyone would mind?
    It’s really hard to explain but I’ll try! Sometimes I think of things and they come true, for example one of my best friends sadly had a miscarriage in the summer . Obviously that is tragic but luckily she fell pregnant again. When she told me she was pregnant again I was of course pleased but also had the thought ‘oh what if it happens again’. Low and behold yesterday she lost it again :-(. I am absolutely gutted for her but then I also started thinking – ‘that’s a thought I had that came True- therefore what if all my other scary thoughts I have been having recently are true or are gonna come true’. just as I write this I have just had another thought ‘what if she miscarried because I thought it!!’.
    Does that make sense? Can anyone relate to that? Or at least reassure me it’s just another anxiety trick? X

  277. sasha 7th November 2010 at 6:45 am - Reply

    Dear Caron

    Its just anxiety playing with our minds..!!! But it can trick us so much into believing whatever it comes up with..as we all have times that we can just brush it aside like any normal person does and those moments which makes us doubt…and sometimes it attracts umpteen number of other thoughts like a magnet all with the same intensity…

    thats when we need assurance but believe me Caron it has no relevance at all .There is no connection between your thought and what happened to your friend…its just a coincidence but we tend to panic thinking what if all our thoughts become true? it is just our tired mind coming up with all negative thoughts.. i felt the same the other day got looped in a particular thought and i was unable to get out of it making my thoughts so real and tired…

    after a while the intensity just reduced but it was there in the backdrop making me feel at unease i guess we need to shift our attittude ALWAYS when it hapens to us.. that it is just ‘random thoughts’ and giving way to new pattern of thinking ‘I am good, its just another random silly thought which i dont have to respond …and bringing bak our focus on what we were doing..? and continue with what u were doing…practise , practise untill it becomes second nature to brushing off any irrational thoughts… i am still on my way…:)

    Take care and dont worry about your thoughts to have something to do with reality..it has absolutely no connection..if that was the case we can start to believe that we may win the jackpot this time…so dont worry Caron

  278. Luc 7th November 2010 at 12:02 pm - Reply

    Dear all,
    Many thanks for sharing your experiences. I’ve been crying and grinning for the last few hours after finding this blog as each new wave of recognition hit me with the knowledge that what I’ve been suffering is not unique, but common and even curable. My anxiety has dominated my life for several years now. I’ve been prescribed Prozac, Citaloprama and various others, tried hypnotherapy, psychotherapy, counselling…but they all seemed to exaggerate the danger, the apprehension, the importance, the magnitude of the anxiety to the point where I had a nervous breakdown and have been a shadow of my former self for the past two years. I used to be strong, take things on the chin and face up to stuff. I work in a UK university where work pressures can be intense; but it was becoming Head of Department and being so hamstrung by bureacracy and institutionalised fear of conflict that I became unable to deal with problems correctly. Instead, everything seemed to fester, in reality and inside my head. After three years I just collapsed. My marriage too, although I’ve since reclaimed that, thank god!
    Now I’ve been several years fighting day in and day out to try and keep my fears in place, trying to find a way to cope and even hoping that there might be a cure. I swore off prozac and am trying exercise, although mental exhaustion sometimes impedes it. And after reading all your posts I’m going to keep coming back for more – the feeling of finding fellow sufferers who have an objectivity about what is happening to them is exhilarating. And I’m going to buy the book from the website that led me here. Today feels like it mght be a good day, even though I’m crying as I type this.

  279. Paul David (Admin) 7th November 2010 at 12:06 pm - Reply

    I do remember you John S and I keep telling people how many do come back saying how well they are when they truly follow what is said on here. There are no quick fixes and we have to go through the yuck and see it as part of us, shake it’s hand and say ‘Ok its me and you for a while then is it, lets get on then, I have wasted too much time trying to work you out and far too much time trying to get rid of you’.

    You say below:

    I am now much better, still have bad weeks and bad days but i also have great weeks and days. I now do more than before and sometimes i feel full of anxiety but i just treat it as part of me and Im so much better for it.

    the good and bad days you have fully accepted and this is a transition back to the old you and I love the statement ‘I sometimes still feel full of anxiety, but just treat it as part of me’ a great attitude and one that will have you coming back in a few more months telling us you feel even better. Good work john and great to hear you are doing much better 🙂

  280. Luc 7th November 2010 at 2:55 pm - Reply

    Having spent most of the day reading the archives I’m already beginning to understand things at last – so much of what is written on here makes sense. I mean REAL lived-through sense that I’m able to recognise as adding up to a possible coping strategy. I’ve had counsellors wanting me to get angry at my parents, hypnotists having me battle cartoon characters, doctors prescribing one kind of pilll after another…nothing worked because it was all about intensifying and so exacerbating the focus on the anxiety – ‘worrying about worrying’ I’ve learned it’s called. Well, I’m more than willing to try something new, have ordered Paul’s book, and hope I can drop by for advice and support on occasion, maybe even get to the stage where I can offer it myself. Thanks Paul and all for the genuine pick-me-up. I hope you know how invaluable your contributions to this site are to people like me.

  281. yolande 7th November 2010 at 3:57 pm - Reply

    hi all

    just need to offload. been a tough day today – really lousy mood, irritable and moody as hell. sometimes when it hits i just lie on the bed andhave no motivation to do anything – i know this is the wrong way to go about it but it’s so hard sometimes to get moving.

    i now konw what Paul meant when he said his recovery was very up and down. it really is. accepting the lousy days are still a little hard for me but i am trying and learning as i go along. a good cry helps a lot to relieve the pent up tension and stress.

    lately i have been hit by fear – it’s scary. i never had this. used to be just negative thoughts but now it feels more of fear . i know it’s adrenalin but gosh it’s hard to cope and I would welcome any assurances from anyone.

    sometimes i wonder how long more all this will last but i know it wont stay here forever. if it does stay on, well, that’s life then – i would just have to carry on.

  282. Helen 7th November 2010 at 7:29 pm - Reply

    Hi Yolande,
    When you feel fear for no apparent reason it is horrible. Your body does what it is supposed to and adrenelin is produced to help you cope and you then have the ‘fight or flight’ scenario but with anxiety you are stuck as there is nothing to actually fight and nothing to run away from.
    You are right, it won’t stay forever and the way that you can make sure it doesn’t is to try and remember that when you feel the fear don’t try and work it out, don’t analyse it.
    It is very difficult to feel fear and just let it be there but it will go if you don’t react to it.

    All the best
    Helen

  283. Wayne 7th November 2010 at 8:50 pm - Reply

    Good day!

    I did it!! I did it!! I ran my first 10km race since I started suffering from anxiety last December. There is no way I thought I could do this 6 months ago even though I was still running I was too busy intuned to how I was feeling instead of enjoying my running.

    By following the advice on this website is the reason I am where I am today.

  284. Wayne 7th November 2010 at 8:52 pm - Reply

    sorry pressed enter too soon.

    I realized months ago this is a process. I still have anxiety at times but know it is just adrenaline and move on with my day. Believe me there is hope.

    Thank you Paul, Diana and Candie.

  285. kat 7th November 2010 at 9:35 pm - Reply

    I’m back again. I feel slightly foolish and a bit self-indulgent for posting again, but this has become a place to vent as well as seek advice, so here I am once more.

    I am trying to take the advice offered me the past few days and use it the way it was meant to be used. Yesterday was the first day in three weeks where I felt calm and fairly reasonable once more. I didn’t look at my partner with dread, didn’t hide in my room and wish I was asleep, but instead did some things with him and our daughter and made a dinner together. I felt good the entire time, to the point that I even felt attracted to him, and I was hopeful. I told myself that the anxiety would come again, but that I should try to live alongside it and not try to analyze it too much or I’d go right back to where I started again. I think I smiled quite a bit yesterday, believing I had the skills.

    Then, today. Not panic, but absolute irritability, to the point that I can hear myself snapping at my partner and what bothers me the most is that I don’t feel remorseful at all. Logically, I know that I will feel badly at some point about it, but just about everything he has been doing today has been annoying me and I’ve not been able to hide what I’m feeling. He is now keeping his distance, and rightly he seems offended, angry with me even, and I know I’ve no right to expect anything else. Of course, this anger/irritability on my part has also got the adrenaline flowing, and I’m feeling rather low as a result, wondering if I’ll ever get a grip and also whether this bizarre intolerance on my part is part of anxiety or am I just angry in general?

    As I type, I think I can already hear the answers, but for some reason this feels frightening to me and I needed to ask for help anyway. I hope no one minds. Feeling like this toward him is new to me and it doesn’t feel natural at all.

    Thanks, Kat.

  286. Helen 7th November 2010 at 10:58 pm - Reply

    Hi Kat,
    When a large part of your anxiety is based around your partner you become very alert to everything you feel about them. When you have a good day like you did yesterday you feel great and don’t question it because why should you? It is a great positive feeling. But then when something annoys you as it always happens in every relationship you pick up on it because this isn’t a good feeling and then anxiety picks up on it. You may then wonder why he is annoying you so much, what does it mean? And then at some level you may be blaming him for you feeling like this and then you start to think some more trying to figure it all out. You are obviously concerned about it as you are questioning why you don’t feel remorseful.
    You are on the road to recovery but what you need is patience, with yourself and with your partner. You will have good days like yesterday or worse days like today. Keep communcation with your partner open and honest so that he knows what you are going through is a recovery and it is hard, very hard. Keeping communication open is important so that you both know that feelings aren’t meant to be hurt.
    It is very hard to go through anxiety and to also take care of the ones you love but you will get there. This is your road to recovery, don’t question the good days and especially not the bad ones.

    All the best
    Helen

  287. Michael 8th November 2010 at 12:08 am - Reply

    Very good advice Paul. I come back and check your blog every few months to see what’s new.

    It is very re-assuring to hear from someone who has suffered for a long time and is now fully recovered.

    I have changed my negative mind (which I thought was realistic) into a positive mindset. My days at work, home, in general are so much better.

    I still have two specific phobias that I am working thru. I have been suffering with these two for over 10 years and sometimes it feels that no matter how well I am doing now, that these two will stop me from a full recovery, from being “normal.”

    I have hope after reading your blog. I have hope that one day I will reach my own personal recovery.

    Thanks, Mike from Texas

  288. kat 8th November 2010 at 1:55 am - Reply

    Thank you, Helen.

    I hope you are right (and I suspect you are), and I will do my best to weather this. I have trouble with separating my true feelings from anxiety, and even though I’ve actually cried with relief over how similar others’ symptoms are to my own, there’s still a little part of me that believes that I am the exception, as ridiculous at that may seem. I have always been a ‘nervous person’, and I honestly can’t remember a time in my life where nervousness didn’t play a central role in any given day. Though the panic is only ten years in, I can honestly say that I’ve been a worrier since birth and I wonder if I’ll ever be any different.

    Perhaps part of this supreme frustration. It makes me sad and angry at the same time to think of all the things in my life I have given up/walked away from because I didn’t understand my emotions. I did as you suggested and had another long conversation with him (I worry he’s tiring of this, but he smiled and listened to me anyway), and tried to explain my anger. He asked if I felt that the anger/irritation was a serious issue for me, if it meant I was considering harming myself or him or someone else. I said no, because it never occurred to me that I would ever want to do that, but instead tried to explain it as an engine that won’t stop revving. That’s what it feels like, until the adrenaline begins to pulse through me, at which point I feel like collapsing into a fit of tears. The worst part of trying to talk to him is finding myself unable to explain any of it. Though he listens, and often gives sage advice, I still come away from it all feeling a bit lost and worse for the wear. Keeping positive, as you might imagine, has been my greatest challenge.

    Thanks for the wonderful advice, though. I will do my best to accept my feelings and shall continue to hope and pray for success!

  289. sasha 8th November 2010 at 6:42 am - Reply

    Hi Kat

    Helen has already said what it is all about..i would like to drop my thoughts on this Kat. It is all part of anxiety that sometimes we dont get the right emotions be it handling a relationship or tackling a situation ..

    we ‘overemphasise’ certain aspect where we are concerned to make evrything perfect…so that there wont be any issues again..we keep checking ourselves ..we constantly worry whether things will go wrong again…actually thats when things may go wrong when we overly try to make something ‘perfect’ tahts when we become overly ‘conscious’ of that ..because we are always keeping an update on that…and when a slight change happens we get totally disturbed…

    best thing to do is to just carry on however u feel..when we keep a lot of ‘conditions’ to be met so taht we ‘ll be fine it always end up living all our life planning, analysin, avoiding but actually most of it is a creation of our mind..when we have anxiety our pattern of thinking majorly looks up only issues !! and we have so many…but if we are nt analysing all day long we hardly have any..i know its easily said than done..but try to just carry on with your day ‘however’ u feel and dont question any bad feelings because now we got the understanding that its anxiety and dont get too impressed by good feelings because we crave for that stressing ourslves and getting none…

    when we feel any irritation towards anyone for that matter..it annoys us to the core which wouldnt have bothered people without anxiety …
    because we analyse endlessly trying to figure out all the ‘why’s and ‘what ifs’ and that brings us to a viscious circle of worry…
    I had gone through the same and I continuously tell myself its anxiety doubling my issues it isnt as bad as it seems..then i am able to talk to them in a normal way as all the emotions hav been dumped on anxiety..and start off with a clean slate coming up with somethingelse to talk about …

    at times its difficult to differenciate our true feelings from anxiety…if we dont feel right or feel rather uncomfortable neednt panic…its only anxiety, nothing else and once you start carrying on with ur life u start getting less scared off it..because u are able to do what u have to do…but the irritation still persists for a while..but as time goes by it will all heal….!

    Take Care…

  290. Sara 8th November 2010 at 12:21 pm - Reply

    Hi Kat and everyone,

    As you’ve probably seen from above posts I’ve had exactly the same thoughts and worries about my partner BUT I had forgotton about the fact they were the exact same type of thoughts I had been having for 10 years or so about a whole host of random, awful and frightening situations. I am so glad someone posted this topic on the blog because it goes to show just how many of us have these scary intense thoughts BUT how much of it is truly down to our anxious minds. Kat, please don’t think you are alone in this or that there is any reality in these thoughts. I have had (and still have at times!) that irratibility and annoyance with my partner (it’s pretty natural noone is perfect! ;)) but i think Sasha and Helen’s advice and lived in experience speaks volumes as to what it is all about. My anxieties about this one thought started a year ago and really took hold about 6 months ago. Do you know what though..after following the advice on this website and blog I really feel like I am beginning to make some slow steps and headway..Yes I still get thoughts that run through my head, trying to make me believe in them, yes I wake up early and immediatley begin to suss out how I am feeling, sometimes I feel down for no reason, sometimes I get a shot of adrenalin surging through me but the more I tell myself that I know this is just anxiety and I have suffered for so long it’s habit etc the more I am starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel. I know it may be a difficult journey but over the past six months or so i have seen some small but noticable changes in the way I view anxiety. I am starting to not be afraid of the thoughts anymore and that is making a real difference.
    Kat, I know it’s difficult to believe but the lived in experience on this blog tells us how much of this is anxiety playing it’s tricks. There’s nothing to be frightened of whatsover. It feels natural to try and control the situation and your mind but the more we try to do that the less we are allowing our minds and bodies to heal.
    take care
    Sara xx

  291. Jen 8th November 2010 at 1:04 pm - Reply

    HiCandie,

    Thanks for your advice. I am more frightened of the way the same thought is there all the time-it just never goes and makes me wonder. Do I just let them be there all the time? Is alot of this habit like a record playing over and over- How does this actually go?

    Thanks,

    Jenny

  292. Ian 8th November 2010 at 1:39 pm - Reply

    Hi.

    Good day on Friday following the supportive comments here (like a belief thing happened), but a bad weekend. Like the ‘thinking about thinking’ decends (soon after waking – or it seems before) and I can’t escape. Went for a cycle with my friend on Saturday but my mind seemed to be constantly wanting to think about all sorts of things and I found it really hard to concentrate on talking to my friend. It was frightening, it was like the pull of my thoughts, to think about my thoughts, dig them up even, to analyse literally stops me living. Keep looking, in my head, for what to do to stop this, to be able to just live. This is the rub, not an ‘anxious thought’ more a process of thinking that somehow seems inescapable and debilitating.

    On partners, mine has been incredibly, incredibly supportive – and I’ve suffered anxiety to some extent for our entire relationship. However this weekend she was quite upset, and finally admitted that she feels really, really lonely at present. I can totally see that – I spend most of the time (last few months) literally locked in my own thoughts, barely communicating, not doing things. The fear of the impact of this made me get out and talk/do more at least.

  293. Helen 8th November 2010 at 1:45 pm - Reply

    Hi Kat,
    One of the things that bothered me most was feeling like you do about what you think you have given up or walked away from. I was angry because I could of achieved more possibly and then my anxiety started as I would think “surely this means that I am not happy with my life then” and then I would try and work everything out, look at my partner for reasons why I am feeling like this, looking at all the imperfections and thinking that if I could fix them then that would make everything OK. I wanted to make my life perfect and it isn’t and I am now very glad about that.
    I, like you, have been like this since being a child, a worrier, very observant of everything around me so that I can see trouble coming and for a while I felt sad when I realised that if I hadn’t been this way then what could I have achieved?
    Now that I am recovered I realise that if I hadn’t been that person and the person that I still am I wouldn’t have the wonderful things in my life that I do only now I enjoy them much more as I don’t always have the underlying fear that I always had.
    Anxiety, at it’s most powerful, affects nearly all of your thinking and you must remember this. It is OK to feel sad, it is OK to feel angry but don’t question it. Remember that it can also make you very depressed but just let it sit beside you whilst carrying on with your everyday life. It will slowly lift and as it does, your mind clears and any questions you want answered just come to you, you don’t have to work it out.

    All the best
    Helen

  294. Matt K. 8th November 2010 at 2:16 pm - Reply

    Good Morning Paul and Scarlet,

    Well I think I had a little “aha” moment over the weekend. Something kind of clicked in my head and I realized that all that I am running from is a feeling! THATS ALL IT IS! I was being bluffed by my anxious mind in assuming that danger and certain collapse is right around the corner at all times! I believed my thoughts, I searched for the cures, I constantly monitored and tried to get rid of this awful thing! Well gues what, I cant get rid of it until I stop trying to rid myself of it!! What a paradox! So this weekend, I adopted the attitude of if it comes, it comes, but I am not going to search for it, nor try to get rid of it if it does. Funny thing happened that I was the most relaxed I have been in quite a while. I know that I am not out of the woods yet, but it was a much needed boost to my self esteem and self confidence! What a great weekend! I’m at work now and am working with maintaining that attitude! Trying to just stay in the now, not trying to rush time to get out of here, counting down the minutes……just being here in the moment. I think I can become a much stronger person from this! I’m ready for some more bad days, because thats how we get our practice with our new attitude and tools to just let it be!! BRING IT ANXIETY! You are losing your grip on me!!!!!!

  295. Eileen 8th November 2010 at 2:27 pm - Reply

    Hello everyone,
    needing a little advice and support. Have been following what Paul advises in his book and in this blog since last October. Had a big setback last Christmas, but carried on and managed to continue to do everything with the anxiety alongside.

    Have always had to put up with a lot of tension mainly in neck, shoulders etc and the resulting headaches. For the past two months I have had continuous tension headache and tension in neck . Am continuing to do things as usual, but finding the headaches and giddyness very draining…
    Am walking a lot, doing yoga, and trying to carry on with the accompanying headache.

    Most people tend to talk about the psychological feelings with their anxiety, but I continue to have physical feelings in the main.

    Just wondering if anyone else had felt the same, and had come through eventually.,Thanks so much. E

  296. Matt K. 8th November 2010 at 4:46 pm - Reply

    Hey Eileen,

    I’m still recovering, but I think I know enough about what you are saying to advise a little. The tension in the neck, shoulders and headaches are all part of anxiety. They are symptoms and quite common areas where we all carry anxiety. They can be draining and bothersome, but they will pass when we loose focus on them. I have felt all of those before and when I just let them be, they tend to pass and arent as bothersome. Sometimes after a good workout, I’ll do some breathing and breath “light” into the muscles that ache to help relax them. Its quite normal. Even people who are not going through recovery, my mom, for instance, carries her stress in her shoulders. She takes long baths to help sooth. Hope that helps a little.

  297. Jessica S 8th November 2010 at 5:41 pm - Reply

    Hi Everyone

    I have never posted to this site before but I feel like I could do with some help. I read Paul’s book and I understand the concept of accepting and and letting go of the thoughts. Recently I had a great week where for a few days I had hardly any anxiety related symptoms and my mind could focus on other thoughts. I felt like the old me again.I was so so happy thinking this was finally it and then I had a really bad day and went all down hill again. Now I can’t stop thinking what if I cant get the acceptance back again and this thought keeps coming into my head saying you will never be better as long as these thoughts keep coming and all the memories of bad times are at the forefront. I was so excited to feel so well but now these thoughts are haunting me even worse than before and my symptoms are really bad.

    Any help would be most appreciated

    Jessica

  298. sasha 8th November 2010 at 7:25 pm - Reply

    Hi Helen

    ”I, like you, have been like this since being a child, a worrier, very observant of everything around me so that I can see trouble coming and for a while I felt sad when I realised that if I hadn’t been this way then what could I have achieved?
    Now that I am recovered I realise that if I hadn’t been that person and the person that I still am I wouldn’t have the wonderful things in my life that I do only now I enjoy them much more as I don’t always have the underlying fear that I always had.”

    I do agree to this a lot..even i had been like this since i was a child…always cautious and careful..trying to get rid of anything that sounds trouble never had i confronted them in my life till i got into this. my life had always been easy and i loved my life..but only when i fell into this pit had i realised why things have started going wrong for me..as i couldnt sustain in difficult environment…

    but as u said i REALISE now that i HAVE TO confront what i am fearing and not avoid anything or else i will never be ever able to live my life fully..now its a NEED..before i never realised as i always had a very secured life..its time i become independent and decisive and to belive in myself above all…

    i am ready to feel any amount of uncomfortability just to live my life without any fear…i am going to go ahead if i feel somethign is stopping me…actually its only the ‘thoughts’ thats stopping but since their so powerful its hard at times to be in the present moment…

    Happy for you that you’ve gone all your way to see the light at the end of your journey…

  299. candie 8th November 2010 at 8:58 pm - Reply

    Jen it goes when anxiety leaves you. pay it no attention, trust me i did exactly the same- then the thoughts would play every second of the day automatically, its habit and when you have adrenalin it causes your mind to get stuck on certain thoughts thats all. Dont try figure it out, allow them to flow in and out

  300. marc 8th November 2010 at 11:20 pm - Reply

    hey everyone,

    anybody experience bad twitching/shaking??? have had it bad for the last few months now! when it happens my whole back and neck tenses up and my head starts twitching really bad! it almost looks like im having some sort of fit! have been seeing a neurologist for the past while and have had a couple of scans done that c…ame back clear… im guessing its anxiety related because it comes and goes and can go some days without having them…but u know what its like when u dont know whats wrong with u! u start thinking d worst! iv been having thoughts thinking that i might have a mild form of parkinsons or some sort of disease! 🙁 have an appointment with my neurologist tomorrow so fingers crossed!

    marc

  301. Nick 9th November 2010 at 2:36 am - Reply

    Hi, anybody using 5htp, st John wort, or rodilo rosea Or natural products instead of anti depressants? Really want to come of anti depressant but still feel awful all the time so am a little bit scared, so just seeing can anybody compare any difference using herbal products to anti depressants etc. Cheers

  302. candie 9th November 2010 at 8:23 am - Reply

    Marc i had it, i new it was just anxiety though- the adrenalin makes your muscles tighten up and spasm sometimes. I had it in my eyes, leg mostly. If you worry about it your creating more adrenalin hence more twitching!

  303. Jen 9th November 2010 at 10:24 am - Reply

    Hi Candie,

    Thanks for your reply. Is there anyway I could e-mail you personally? I dont know if I can cope with the bad thoughts there every second?
    Jen

  304. Lisa H 9th November 2010 at 11:23 am - Reply

    Hi all!!

    Haven’t posted for ages as doing so well with the anxiety aspect of things.
    My problem is the depression,have taken the inositol for 2 months but haven’t really noticed a difference.
    What i would like to know is can accepting depression help to lift it??
    I have just been watching This Morning and Dr Chris Steele says its a chemical imbalance that needs treating with medication to help bring mood back to a normal level-he is on anti-depressants for life as were the other people on the show.
    I am trying to accept and welcome the depression but its horrible and maybe i do need medication although i have managed for 18 months without taking anything.
    Any advice from you gorgeous people would be really helpful.
    THANK-YOU.x x

  305. Mark R 9th November 2010 at 1:19 pm - Reply

    Hi Lisa H,

    Just in response to your comment.

    Doctors will always argue that depression is a chemical imbalance as this is the medical model for it. Recent studies in fact have shown that the imbalance is a consequence and not a cause of depression. I came out of depression in 2007 on a very low dose of antidepressents. I believe that depression is a response to life events the same as anxiety.

  306. sasha 9th November 2010 at 1:24 pm - Reply

    Hi lisa

    I dont know about the medication aspect but I can tell u that most of the people having depression believe that its their mindframe is permnent and they have no freedom out of it…But what they dont believe is that their frame of mind can be changed..

    our mindset is always on the lookout of problems and worries so whatever we have and wherever we are we have the tendency to notice only the negativities around us..since our mind had been like that since a very long time it takes the equal amount of time to reverse the habit of thinking negative…

    for eg when we are planning to go for a get together a person depressed will have mostly negative thoughts regading how to get over it as he dont have the mood for it..he already established that he isnt interested..but a normal prson having a bad day may go for it but once he is there his mindrame changes he notices people around him..he talks to them he totally forgets that he had a bad day…basically people who are depressed like to cling on the belief that they cannot feel good…

    but retraining their mind every single tim a negative thought pop in…never mind i am going to do that…each time you regain a new perspective that things can be changed but only through persistance and patience…
    Take care…

  307. sally 9th November 2010 at 5:21 pm - Reply

    Hi Eileen
    I have had anxiety all my life I am nearly 59 now but with Pauls help have good days and bad days now instead of all bad ones but all my life I thought I was a bit mad but now I have the knowledge thanks to Paul.But what I wanted to tell you is anxiety is responsible for lots of different physical complaints myself have severe palpitations,headaches and IBS all compliments of anxiety.Just wanted to tell you that you are not alone.All the best Sallyx

  308. ross 9th November 2010 at 11:01 pm - Reply

    Hey Everyone,
    Hope everyone is doing well with recovery!!!

    Not been on in a while doing really well with recovery until I had a setback today!! really frustrating!!!!!!!!

    Always get it at work, really feels like im nothing at all, if that makes sense.

    Im constantly focused on me and talking is really strange. always feel like i cant speak!! please say some1 else has this??? also when i do speak it feels like im listening to myself???? its sooo weird and really scares me .

    Also when i walk around work i feel im walking so fast and strange cos i feel im going to fall over!! sometimes feels like im walking down steps on a level floor?? haha.

    Maybe i should just quit my job as I feel a change would introduce a new start within me. i really understand Pauls way of not caring and the whatever attitude but at work it really gets overwhelming with the weird speaking feeling????

    I really feel so tired and worn down and the thought of working fills me with dread . I really need money just like everyone else but sometimes I think my well being is more important .

    I went to the doctors about a month ago and im waiting to hear about CBT therapy.

    These setbacks are really annoying cos I have the ‘whatever’ attitude all the time but at work everything just gets on top of me and I cant seem to function properly .

    is being neurotic the same as having anxiety?????

    any answers to my questions would be brilliant and thanks for listening , I hope everyone gets to recovery soon

  309. kat 10th November 2010 at 12:00 am - Reply

    Helen, Sara and Sasha,

    Thank you for the supportive words. I don’t know that I’ve managed much in terms of progress, but then, being an impatient sort I suppose I tend to focus on what doesn’t feel good. I’m learning!

    My question to you, and to anyone else who may have ‘lived-in experience’, is how to handle those creepy waves of dread. I have always thought of them as a ‘icky’ feelings, mainly because I couldn’t identify them outright. As I have indicated previously, I tend to get the feeling lately whenever I consider my relationship, or any other relationship for that matter, but I have certainly felt it before over different things. Like yesterday, I was reading a story about a couple who were clearly in love, and something about it gave me the ‘ick’ feeling. Given all the reassurance I’ve received from others on this board who can relate to the dread regarding relationships, I try not to pay too much attention, as it would seem that anxiety has found a new target in me, but my question has to do with how to ‘float’ through it.

    I’ve recently read ‘Self Help For Your Nerves’ by Claire Weekes, and she seems to hold a lot of the same beliefs that Paul does. The main focus of her steps to recovery are to face, accept, float and let time pass, which I have been reading in Paul’s methods as well. I seem to be having problems with understanding what ‘floating’ entails. Whenever the horrible feelings come, I tell myself that I know what they are, that they are not real, etc., and that I accept them, but I do not have the first idea how to ‘float’ with them. Instead, the feelings take hold, and I begin the habitual/obsessive thinking, worrying that I’ll not come out of this setback without damaging my relationship or other matters of importance to me. I think the ‘belief’ factor is a bit of an issue for me as well, even though I have read all the success/recovery stories, because there’s a part of me who has not let go of the habit of thinking I won’t recover. To be clear, logically I know the tools are all here, but for some reason, when the unpleasant feelings come, I lose focus and revert back to the negative thinking.

    Do any of you have any tips for how to float through it? I would really appreciate it.

  310. hawkeye 10th November 2010 at 12:54 am - Reply

    Kat,

    You need to let your thoughts in. I can clearly see your dislike of them. You can not say you are accepting and then expect to feel better. Acceptance comes only from practise. When you have these thoughts change your attitude to thanking them for coming. For example when the thought comes ‘maybe this means I don’t love my husband’. You need to thank the thought for coming and have a so what attitude or else the analyses begins as follows: ‘oh no I can’t feel anthing for him I have fallen out of love with him’ ‘Maybe I am thinking like this because I know I have to leave and I just don’t want too’ and so on and so on.

    However if you start analysing thats fine as soon as you realise you are doing it change your attitude to ‘oh so what thanks for coming I am going to carry on doing what I want to do with you there’.

    To float you need to take it all with you. SLLLOWWWW DOOOWWNN!!! and take it with you.
    xx

  311. hawkeye 10th November 2010 at 12:57 am - Reply

    Kat you are still getting involved with the thoughts. LET MORE TIME PASS and don’t be hard on yourself its not easy but in time it will get easier. Don’t believe these thoughts there is no truth in them, otherwise you would not be questioning it you will jsut know. LET GO OF THE FEAR OF THE THOUGHTS!!

  312. Matt 10th November 2010 at 2:16 am - Reply

    This is the first time I have written on this blog but read it often. My question for everyone is do you have problems with memory, and difficulty learning new things. It just seems like my mind is so cloudy that nothing comes naturally anymore. At work if I get frusturated I can feel the confusion setting in. It is so difficult to not pay attention to this due to it affects everything I do. For example even watching movies is difficult due to it is hard to follow the storyline. It is so difficult living like this due to I feel like I am a fraction of who I used to be.

    Thanks.

  313. sasha 10th November 2010 at 5:04 am - Reply

    Hi Kat…

    what we are more concerned about and what we really care about and dont want to lose are the thoughts that most often comes to our mind because we fear that aspect ‘for no reason’ if something happens will the relationship be affected and so on.. you are actually thinking of an unneccessary angle in your relationship where you know he is a very loving person but it is that instinct that often pops up in your mind because you care…simple..!!but because it pops every now and then u get scared..because of its repetetive nature…but as u’v realised that it has become second nature to you at the moment to link any thoughts with a negative tone when it comes to relationships..acknowlege it…

    let me make it simple for eg someone who is scared to fly gets into an aeroplane fly with each breath controlled he is already in panicky mode as he is in full dread thinking what if it loses control n so on…its best for them to acknowelge whatever happens will happen theer is no point watching every moment as he is not in control anyways…try relaxing and to focus attention on readin or even sleeping…c there is no link between his dread and the safety of the plane.. just because he fears doesnt mean there is some problem..it is the just the MINDSET..

    it wouldnt make you think otherwise overnight…so let it come up with anything …anxiety is playing with you trying to tease u to bring you under its power …and u tend to fall under its prey but when u have this understanding …ie anxiety thoughts are diferent that is ”obsessive thoughts that scares you every second..its absolute senseless thoughts…”!!!!
    have an attittue like ”oh u are there..ok now what..i’m getting bored” or watching your thoughts as ”just thoughts” have also helped me as i know they are just thoughts and i dont get carried away…
    it is annoying to teh core but let me tell u when u adopt this attittude slowly the fear u have diminishes as u understan them as mere anxiety throws…
    just go on with what u will otherwise do in a day….
    Take care…

  314. Lisa H 10th November 2010 at 7:13 am - Reply

    Mark R and Sasha,thank-you,i am going to try and just get on with it,deep down i know i am doing this to myself,as with anxiety though you just want it all to go away and be back to normal!!!
    Sasha can i just say you are doing really well,i remember you from a while back and you really seem to have grasped it all and are doing brilliant-good on you!! x x

  315. sasha 10th November 2010 at 8:51 am - Reply

    Hi Lisa..

    I had landed on this site when I was totally lost and didnt know what was wrong with me…thanks to Paul…Only because of him scarlet and other people I have grasped it and got to know it was anxiety and now I know why it happened to me..

    but the underlying problem had been with me since i was a child..i still dont know y i had been always apprehensive all throughout my life..i am working out on that..i had aways been a ‘thinking’ person so most of the issues arise there..secondly i am very conscious and cautious of my surroundings and people…i guess that rooted from my own thinking…

    hence i couldnt speak up for myself i get entangled in other people’s perception..hence if tehy say any cmplaints about me i ‘assume’ i have done something wrong and sabotage myself…worst part is i feel bad..
    so i guess inorder to avoid that i avoided difficult people and always default status was ‘nice’.and i was aware of how i feel.. i am happy i realised this…!!:)

    i guess this is the difficult part inorder to consciously change the ‘way i think’ ..so m trying to take life as it comes..to start with a clean slate…m trying to live with a revived attittude…do what u should do, never overanalyse..put a fullstop…go with the flow…the moments we really live in te present moment is the best feeling ever…i lived my life as if i was obliged to be always nice never did i see who i really was and whats my opinion on life in general…

    has anyone encountered something like this in their life ever?..
    Take care …

  316. Caron 10th November 2010 at 10:02 am - Reply

    Hi Sasha,

    I know exactly what you mean. I always worry that I am a bad person and worry what people think of me. I always think I have to do the right thing and often think to myself ‘gosh how can they behave like that or do that, do they not worry about being a bad person’. Does that make sense?

    On another note, can you (or anyone) offer any advice?? Like I said, I have been having a set back for around a month now. I have anxiety bouts every 2-3 years, obsessive thoughts etc. By using Pau’s methods and spking to my doc to alter my medication I have been able to get on top of this the last few days and tell myself all my bad thoughts are just my anxiety playing tricks on me etc, in fact last night I even slept untill 6.45 this morning (usually I am up from 5ish with the stomach churning etc). However, because I have now seen a slight improvement the thought that has now cropped up is ‘oh no, what if I get bad again’. It’s silly because I have just gone through it and have dealt with my thoughts etc but I think it’s the fear of being like that again that keeps the thought there. Also when I have setbacks the first intial thought is ‘what if i get ill again’ and then it spirals out of control so my anxiety is telling me that I am going to spiral downwards again!

    Can anyone offer some support on this?
    Thanks
    Caron

  317. Caron 10th November 2010 at 11:09 am - Reply

    Oh also – forgot to say. What does everyone think about alcohol and anxiety? I find a glass of wine of an evening helps me to relax etc but then if I have a few (or a few too many!) my anxiety is horrendous the next day. Do you think its best to avoid alltogether? x

  318. sasha 10th November 2010 at 11:17 am - Reply

    Dear Caron…

    i guess we always ‘regulated’ our emotions according to the norm…never letting it flow naturally …anyways..

    I would say Caron we realised only when we couldnt get the grip on our thoughts as it had been working overnight…never did we realise untill it shut down on its own…
    to be honest when i had slight DP wherein I could only see where I am and just talk with no preconceived notions..that was the best times I had ever felt in the past few years as nothing woud bother me..i could just go on talking and carry on with my day as emotionally i felt neutral…
    then i realised that was when i couldn’t feel scary thoughts had no particular affect on me and happy thoughts too dint bring much joy…always neutral…
    i understood one thing we are ‘thinkers’ and as long the habit is there we will find something…when we r feeling good we tend to think what if it go spiralling down again how will i cope?
    and when we feel bad naturally we feel bad…
    only thing we can do at the moment i feel is..be neutral whatever it is.. which is apt for the moment as we cant take in a lot of emotions right now as every other thing has got a HUGE EMOTIONAL RESPONSE on us…
    as Paul said whatever happens…i will cope…
    and be in the present moment…if u r in the present moment u hardly think what happens tommorow..evn if u think what will happen tommorow when it comes the next day if u can be a the present moment ‘what if’ thoughts wont bother u much……this attittude worked for me when i sincerely followed it…
    Take care…

  319. Caron 10th November 2010 at 11:35 am - Reply

    Hi Sasha,

    I think I understand. I need to accept the whatever attitude more i.e whatever happens I will cope like I have been the past few weeks. I think its like others have said – its the raw memories that give you the fear. BUT I have coped before and have proved to myself that the whatever acceptance works so I just need to remind myself of that.

    Thanks for your support – sometimes I feel like all of us on here should have a big get together!

    C
    xx

  320. KH 10th November 2010 at 12:28 pm - Reply

    Hi Paul,

    I’m from Malaysia. About a month ago, I have experienced body jerks and muscle twitches. This caused me to freak out and I went to a hospital for a check-up, but the doctor told me that everything is normal.

    However, my worries did not stop there. It has continued on for a few weeks and I tried my best to ignore it. Last week I was feeling much better and was able to live a normal life. However, this week I couldn’t sleep and begin to get random thoughts while trying to sleep. I also suffered from panic attacks as well while trying to sleep. I believe that I was going crazy! I kept on thinking if I will be able to fight against these thoughts, and it caused me many sleepless nights. I felt that this will be one of the worst times in my life!

    When I was feeling confused and lost, I stumbled across your site and after reading the articles, I believe I am getting ready to fight my anxiety. I know it will not be a smooth journey, but as you said, life is too precious to be wasted. I just want to tell you how much I appreciate the shed of light which you have shown me. As I am also very fortunate that my girlfriend has been very supportive and has did a lot to encourage me, I will now try my best to ensure that I will recover from my anxiety.

    Regards,
    KH

  321. Matt K. 10th November 2010 at 1:30 pm - Reply

    Caron,

    I do the same thing about fearing that I am going to spiral down again. I’ll have a few good days and then feel a little twinge of anxiety and start to question my whole recovery! “Will I ever get better? Is this really the right way to go about recovering?” That is a very hard one for me, but I think it is essential to have the belief and faith that this is the right road.

    Any advice from the “Recovered” individuals?

  322. Caron 10th November 2010 at 2:57 pm - Reply

    Thats exactly what it is Matt, the belief that full recovery is right around the corner! And of course impatience!

    I think for me as well I always question medication. I was put on paroxetine the first time I had anxiety and as I recovered I obviously put it down the ‘the magic tablet’. Ever since then, when I have had a setback I have gone to the doctor and had my medication upped and again have recovered so have put it down to the tablet again. I have had my paroxetine upped this time to 40mg, started this last Thurs.
    As I am now having a bad day I am questioning medication again – ‘is it not working anymore?’, ‘have i become immune to it?’ and have obviously been googling this and found that it has happened to other people.

    I know what I should be doing is saying to myself: just let it be, even if the medication isn’t/doesn’t work you have now found the tools to work this out for yourself and the above are more ‘thoughts’ that mean nothing at all. And anyway – what is it that I want to get better from….worrying that I have anxiety? Who cares if I have!

    I’m just having an impatient day and am down feeling down because I have had a couple of good days.

    Any advice?
    x

  323. ross 10th November 2010 at 6:28 pm - Reply

    Hey Everyone,
    Hope everyone is doing well with recovery!!!

    Not been on in a while doing really well with recovery until I had a setback today!! really frustrating!!!!!!!!

    Always get it at work, really feels like im nothing at all, if that makes sense.

    Im constantly focused on me and talking is really strange. always feel like i cant speak!! please say some1 else has this??? also when i do speak it feels like im listening to myself???? its sooo weird and really scares me .

    Also when i walk around work i feel im walking so fast and strange cos i feel im going to fall over!! sometimes feels like im walking down steps on a level floor?? haha.

    Maybe i should just quit my job as I feel a change would introduce a new start within me. i really understand Pauls way of not caring and the whatever attitude but at work it really gets overwhelming with the weird speaking feeling????

    I really feel so tired and worn down and the thought of working fills me with dread . I really need money just like everyone else but sometimes I think my well being is more important .

    I went to the doctors about a month ago and im waiting to hear about CBT therapy.

    These setbacks are really annoying cos I have the ‘whatever’ attitude all the time but at work everything just gets on top of me and I cant seem to function properly .

    is being neurotic the same as having anxiety?????

    any answers to my questions would be brilliant and thanks for listening , I hope everyone gets to recovery soon

  324. geoff 10th November 2010 at 8:39 pm - Reply

    Hi All,
    Just wanted to post my thanks to Paul and everyone on this website – really helped me over recent days as I’ve been going through a bit of a bout of anxiety recently. Sometimes I think just to be able to read about everyone here keeping themselves going on the path to recovery, really helps to remind us that we are not alone.
    I can trace my anxiety right the way back to being at school – when I remember having to be taken out when I started feeling over-anxious in the school choir at a couple of concerts. If only someone had sat me down then and taught me the lessons Paul covers on his web-site – I’m sure this would helped me enormously then, and in later life.
    As it was I was left in ignorance and therefore vulnerable to future anxiety – around the age of 14, I started to suffer from panic attacks – due to a special fear (fear of dying) which would generate circling anxious thoughts which inevitably led into a flash of panic. These panic attacks continued for almost 30 years, before I finally realised what was happening, and that I could train myself to break the circling anxious thoughts, and therefore stop the panic from flashing.
    A panic attack pushed me into an anxiety state for a few months when I was a student aged 21, and then again age 29 and 32. And the break-up of a long-term relationship when I was 39 pushed me into another very difficult patch of anxiety – I got some counselling help which helped me through this.
    More recently, I’ve found myself in a very responsible job which, although I cope most of the time, does generate a lot of pressure and stress for me. I had to go away to a conference for 3 days last week, and found the tension and anxiety building up more than usual. Luckily I found this website and the reassuring and helpful advice contained here has helped me through a difficult few days. Particularly, I found it enormously helpful to have a reminder that anxiety is just adrenalin playing its old tricks on body and mind – thinking about it in this simple way really helps!
    Best wishes to all, Geoff

  325. marc 11th November 2010 at 1:45 am - Reply

    hey candie,

    thanks for the reply! seen the neurologist and got the all clear! everythins fine-mri scan,bloods,kidney d whole lot so relieved in some way! and havent twitched now in a few days so maybe things are startingto look up! 🙂

    ross,

    whatever u do dont quit your job mate! not unless you can secure another job before u quit your current one! all your experiencing there is d.p mate, nothing more nothing less! i from time to time have the weird talking thing to-like i can hear my own voice and wondering does it make sense what im saying etc. its perfectly normal! just go with it when it happens,i know u feel completely weird when it happens and your freaking out with it, but realise that all it is is d.p and is only temporary! dont waste your precious time obsessing about it! just go with it! and trust me having no job and not being occupied makes it worse! i lost my job there last month and the d.p got worse! but thankfully things are starting to look up a bit!

  326. kat 11th November 2010 at 2:47 am - Reply

    Thanks Hawkeye and Sasha for your responses. Clearly, my stubborn mind is the main obstacle. Kind of explains the last ten years, I’d say! I suppose I am ruminating because of what the fear could possibly lead to, namely spontaneous decisions that could have a negative impact on my life. My emotional struggles have, at times, made me a very inward, selfish person and the feelings of others took a backseat to whatever I was feeling. I have been worried about not finding the strength to recover and possibly damaging the one relationship in my life because of confusion over how I actually feel. There’s that and the fact that I have young child to consider and I really want to learn how to correct all the bad learning before she learns it from me and commits to the same pattern.

    Thank you for the advice. As always, it is greatly appreciated. I’ll keep trying!

    Kat

  327. natalie 11th November 2010 at 8:29 am - Reply

    hi guys hope you all well x just a quick note beffore i start work today.. and candie if you could reply would be lovely because its to do with my family.? you and i know you can appreciate this as well. but since starting back at work have been more angst which i expected but i have also started to feel very emotional particularly towards my kids to the point i could cry most of the morn it wares off by time i am home again but hard in the mornings .. any tips to help me deal with this , would be greatly appreciated

    thanks well off to work i go 🙂 x see you all soon and keep the faith xxx

  328. Sara 11th November 2010 at 11:14 am - Reply

    Hi all,

    Bad day for me yesterday and today (so far!) Started off by not being able to sleep on Tuesday and then gripped by anxiety in the middle of the night, went to work and did the usual felt like i was dragging myself there but was telling myself the usual “it’s just your tired mind” etc etc. I work in mental health (?!!) and my job can be very intense and of course personal. Anyway there has been a course on recovery which I have been attending but have decided not to carry on with as I want to and believe that this method is the one that makes the most sense for me . The course was quite challenging and deep thinking and as many of you know that isn’t always great if you have anxiety! Anyway in a team meeting yesterday we were talking about having a training day on recovery and I just felt my eyes filling with tears! I had to run out and have a big sob in the loo! Luckily many of my colleagues are supportive but it hit me really hard as I feel that I am bang smack in the middle of recovery and it’s so so personal to me. My poor partner (having never had anxiety etc ) does find it hard to understand but he is there for me no matter what. I had a big chat with him yesterday night about it all but if you’ve not experienced it is so very difficult to relate and I do understand that. I also realised that he often doesn’t know what to say and doesn’t want to say the wrong thing. I said that sometimes it seemed like he doesn’t care and he was very hurt by this. I also think (as mentioned somewhere before) that anxiety pushes you to always see the negative and I’m so tired of this too. Terrible sleep once again, back at work today exhausted and puffy eyed, with a big presentation to do tommorow!! Arrgghhhh!! It is so so so frustrating to feel like you have come so far and the bang something hit you hard again. I keep telling myself I have been here many many times before and it will lift again but it’s so hard isn’t it! Natalie I too have been very emotional of late ( I am guessing it is all part of the recovery process too) sometimes I feel like i coud cry for no reason whatsover. I think all we can do is put it under the umbrella of anxiety and know that with time and patience it will pass. Could anyone offer me some words of comfort though as am feeling a bit wobbly and could do with some reassuring that this is just a down part of anxiety and not reality (do you know even writing that last sentence I know it’s true!) I hope everyone is having a good day today xxx

  329. Ian 11th November 2010 at 11:57 am - Reply

    Sara-

    I hope that others will come in with the reassurance of the recovered, but just to let you know that you are by no means alone. I have found work very, very difficult, and I have found myself crying in the toilets too. Sleep (or the lack of it) for me is terrible – sometimes I wonder how I could make sense of anything during the day with only a couple of hours sleep a night, let alone trying to deal with anxiety and all it brings at the same time. Like you I also believe that the process of acceptance is the way through, it has to be, but it sure as hell isn’t easy. It IS anxiety, and we will get through.

  330. Caron 11th November 2010 at 12:57 pm - Reply

    Sara,

    Another bad day for me too….

    All the scary thoughts have returned and my head just feels like its about to explode. I can seem to be able to even get a grip of my thoughts to tell myself they are JUST THOUGHTS nothing else. Its like my mind is going into shut down.

    I really feel like crying but then think that means I must be really bad! But then I think maybe that will release some of the tension??

  331. Ian 11th November 2010 at 1:02 pm - Reply

    Belief has been mentioned here before, and just a random post about this. The better days (few as they have been) I see in my mind (whether true or not) as times when I actually believed in what I was doing was the way forward. Unfortunately this belief doesn’t last long, and I struggle to remember what I believed the day following. One memory I just can’t get away from is 6 weeks or so ago, I quickly looked on the internet one evening and got a qoute from Claire Weekes – I just thought to myself anxiety is adrenaline. That night and the following day were amazing. Still had physical symptoms, some degree of detachment but I felt so absolutely ‘there’ in the moment, able to appreciate things, to not worry. Felt free, though still anxious. There is no way I recreate that moment, those thoughts, whatever they were that got me there, and it gets further and further in the past now. In my worst moments I think of that day of what seemed liked absolute clarity (yet with anxiety. Not sure if this is helpful or not to me, sometimes it reminds me of what I can be, that I don’t have to be overwhelmed, sometimes it feels like a struggle to achieve what I did then to try to regain some understanding. Sorry random posting really.

  332. Paul David (Admin) 11th November 2010 at 1:46 pm - Reply

    Sorry this is the first time I have logged in for a few days and there was loads of new posts to moderate and some very positive ones from people who have come back to say how they are and some new people posting for the first time. Any you don’t recognise will be well worth reading. Esp Joe’s who makes some very valid points on what has helped him see the light and he puts it very well, esp the need to not place any conditions on how you feel and not to do mental gymnastics with yourself in order to make yourself better, so very, very true. He has placed it in an old title and at the time of writing is the last comment here

    Paul

  333. Sara 11th November 2010 at 2:41 pm - Reply

    Ian, Caron and Paul,

    Thanks for sharing. I think it’s so hard not to slip back into the old habits of believing it is more than anxiety that we are going through. It’s so hard to shake the belief off that there’s more going on than that. Having gone back and read Joe’s blog I can see some truth in it. When you’re so used to fighting your way through each day or each bout of anxiety it does become a habit, something that we’ve practised and learnt over time.I know that 8 years of going through this had left me thinking this was it forever, that and not knowing what the hell is wrong with you makes you feel so stuck and trapped in this horrible thing. However, since discovering this site I have slowly been able to see some light at the end of the tunnel. I have had a pretty good spell of good days recently (by that I mean days where being anxious didn’t bother me-not just suddenly being better) and I suppose it’s about holding onto to those good days knowing that they will be back again but not forcing them. In the same respect,, I suppose we have got to recognise the bad days for what they are..just that. There may be a bad day tommorow or even for the next week but also to not not try to force them away. I think I fall into that trap of wanting it all to be better quickly when I have a blip, but I am pleased that I can finally have some answers to it all and work with that. It’s definatley a better place than I was! I don’t know if I’m going to feel better today, tommorow or next week, month etc but I am going to work with that-do nothing, even if it does seem scary (which at times it does!) and keep that little bit of hope that it’s just my oversensitised, tired anxious mind doing the work and let it burn itself out.
    Ian-the fact that you have that day shows that things are beginning to change, but we have got to remember that it’s a slow process. When i discovered this site there was a part of me that was like “right I’ll be better soon!” and it’s taken me a good six months to begin to accept the anxiety (and I really do mean begin.) Being in the moment and free of this thing is where we want to be but it’s like learning anything, we’ve just got to not force the process. I really appreciated your words, thanks.
    Caron, maybe a good cry will help? I had one yesterday and although I don’t feel good today I did need it. Regarding the thoughts, I don’t think we can control them and that’s why we are here because we are trying to so much. I know it’s seems scary but if you let the control over them go you might find that they can just chatter away and disapear quickly. Do you ever laugh at how ridiculous they are? I do sometimes and that can help.
    Thanks for the support on here=-sorry if my messages are massive but it helps to just vent some stuff!
    Take care everyone x

  334. Ian 11th November 2010 at 2:43 pm - Reply

    Thanks for highlighting this post Paul, I can really relate to it, especially the mental gymnastics (as is evidenced by my post immediately preceeding yours!)

  335. Ian 11th November 2010 at 3:06 pm - Reply

    Sara –

    wanting it all better quickly, or just to get rid of this or that part of it, believing that would be the ‘key’ is the killer. Certainly for me. Lot’s of ‘mental gymnastics’ to try to achieve that thing, which is of course not going to happen – or at least the complex thing I thought one day won’t last until the next. Wanting to believe I am like everyone else for reassurance (difficult as it is to correspond what I feel with others experiences – Joe’s point about true belief in what it is you are suffering), contrasting with wanting to believe that ones own experiences are unique (which they are in many ways) so that some ‘special’ thing/thought/action will resolve it for you. Guess what I am saying, to myself as much as anyone, is no matter what the unique experience we may have, it is ANXIETY and we truly have to believe that. It can be awful in so many ways, and I’m as guilty as anyone of coming here for reassurance, confirmation. The blog is kept postive, which is a good thing, but at times I want to scream at just how awful it all is.

    I believe, like you Sara, and I guess most who come here, that acceptance of it all can be the only way to true recovery. I’ve suffered for over 20 years, with 3 ‘breakdowns’. I want to deal with this properly, which at some times makes me put on way too much pressure/limits, I know, but also at others, gives me hope.

  336. Sara 11th November 2010 at 3:52 pm - Reply

    Hi Ian,

    Having a break at work I was reflecting (surprise surprise!) as to what a journey this is and that as you said in order to deal with this properly means you are going to have to ride out the highs and the lows. Keeping that hope going is the most exciting part of it all at times. I think paul talks about how we all have unique experiences but we are all united by the fact that we have anxiety, whatever form that takes. That in itself tells us that the often shared sypmtoms we have are simply-anxiety. It can be such a lonley place which is perhaps why we see our experiences as unique-however just knowing you are not alone has been such a overwhelming factor into beginning my recovery. Acceptance is the key but also the knowledge that this will not happen overnight, as much as we would like it to.

  337. Muriel 11th November 2010 at 4:10 pm - Reply

    Hi

    I have been reading Paul’s book and prior to that Claire Weekes books and both have made a lot of sense to me.

    I have suffered from anxiety on and off for the last 15 years, the last 3 being the worst. I had a couple of good weeks but on Sunday night began to feel nauseous – a particular anxiety problem for me. When I start to focus on the nausea, it gets worse and the thought of eating / preparing food makes me break into a sweat and I can hardly get the food down. To make matters worse, I am diabetic, therefore cannot avoid eating. When I am not in this spiral, I love my food. Can you give me any words of advice? I felt so despairing this morning – I just want to be back to normal.

  338. Paul David (Admin) 11th November 2010 at 4:17 pm - Reply

    Ian the mental gymnastics, searching and searching around for answers, trying to make myself feel better, wondering how I would be later, how I was at that present time truly had me stuck in a vicious cycle and something I worked on not doing anymore, it does not come instant as it is a habit we may have fallen into. But I learnt to not bother anymore, not to try and work it out, to stop using dialouge to make myself feel better and as Joe said have no expectations of how I should and shouldnt feel, I just abandoned myself to it and just basically ‘Dropped the subject’ as best I could, not to ignore it or ‘try not to think’ about it, as this is back to fight, more learn to no longer care and not feel the need to analyse anymore.

  339. Amanda 11th November 2010 at 9:10 pm - Reply

    Hi everyone, just wanted to say what a wonderful site this is and what an insight it has been ,went to the doctors today and recomended it to the doctor for other sufferers, i just wanted to wish every one well and to say im going back to work in a wks time after being off for two months i am still suffering and still have a way to go and very apprehensive about going back but have decided anxiety is not going to hold me back any longer ive been fighting anxiety for 24 years and am now in flight mode the right way to go thanks to pauls book god bless you all and never give up hope recovery will come to you once you let it .

  340. KH 12th November 2010 at 2:13 am - Reply

    Hi everyone,

    I believe anxiety has caused us to keep ourselves in the past, but what we need to do is to move ourselves into the future.

    I am having insomnia as a side effect from my anxiety. Used to feel very grumpy and frustrated as I couldn’t sleep. I felt like I was going crazy few days ago as I couldn’t take the sleep-deprivation anymore. But after reading Paul’s advice, I decided to ignore my anxious thoughts when I sleep. Although I didn’t sleep right away and I was still rolling in my bed for quite a while, these few mornings when I woke up I felt much better. Not because I got more sleep because the number of hours I slept were still almost the same, but because I took my first step and am ready to let go of all these anxious thoughts. I must really say thanks to Paul for his great advice on this site. I would like to wish everyone all the best in their battle with anxiety and we can all do it.

  341. Matt 12th November 2010 at 2:31 am - Reply

    Just wondering if anybody had a chance to read my post from November 10th. Wondering if anybody else has these experiences.

    Thanks,

    Matt

  342. lorryt 12th November 2010 at 1:13 pm - Reply

    HI GUYS

  343. lorryt 12th November 2010 at 1:17 pm - Reply

    HI GUYS

    really sorry , am having a rough time and things for me although are getting better anxiety wise , i am realising that i am under extreme stress and that doesnt help, the rest of my feelings have gone completely to pot. hubby lost his job and we recently lost a very dear emeber of family, it all seems to have just snowballed and ino longer feel in control at all. sat here crying as i type, i cant take anymore angry outbursts from my hubby . i have kids to care for who are getting impacted by it all. sorry i wont go on as it isnt really anxiety related but am finding it hard to cope.xx

  344. Caron 12th November 2010 at 2:02 pm - Reply

    Hi Matt,

    Yes I know exactly what you mean. Your head is so ‘fuzzy’ that it is hard to concentrate and engage in a conversation becasue you are thinking about how you feel all the time?
    I also I am so tired that I end up not continuing what I am working on and just end up kind of staring in to space – do you know what I mean?

  345. Ian 12th November 2010 at 2:15 pm - Reply

    Caron, Matt-

    yes, yes to all of that.

  346. sasha 12th November 2010 at 3:39 pm - Reply

    Hi lorryt,

    i know it can be very difficult when u have a family to look after and when other issues pop up along with it..once we understand about anxiety we are able to cope up ..because we are able to acknowlege its anxiety..but at times it is difficult to keep emotions intact as we had gone through a lot..! and when we get out of anxiety and start to live facing life face to face things may affect us ..

    situations may be troublesome..but instead of putting how the situation is hard and finding us in a hopeless situation try to bring your life under our control…In stressful situations when u r having an argument u get emotional and lose out on our words and may not be able to come up with what u actualy thought of saying ..it will make u frustrated.

    when emotions run high and u feel that u no longer can control your emotions ..just watch your emotions and ask yourself do i have to upset myself shouting back? let the person complete..i have to maintain my peace of mind which is imporatand to me..this is not denial..meanwhile u will get time to think what u have to say…your emotions get back to normal and u get clarity to speak up too…not making you feel that u r at the recieving end always…

    dont worry…

  347. Helen 12th November 2010 at 3:45 pm - Reply

    Hi Matt,
    Your mind is so, so tired from thinking all the time when you have anxiety that when you try and take new things in or try and remember something you simply can’t sometimes. Don’t allow this to worry or upset you, it is part of anxiety and therefore part of your recovery. Accept that your mind is so tired and that it is inevitable that you are going to have problems with memory. If you worry about why this is happening you are going to add to it and just get more tired and more confused. You are still the same person as you always have been but you are tired so don’t out pressure on yourself. It will just lift naturally as long as you don’t fight it and try and work it all out.
    I remember, at my worst, my boss talking to me at work and I couldn’t actually hear him, it was like my mind just refused to take anymore in. I was so frightened and my body felt like electricity was being pumped through it but I knew that I had to keep on going. This happened everyday for a long time but as I stopped questioning it and just let it happen, I would actually hear more, my body stopped feeling so alert and would start to feel ‘normal’. Leave it alone and it goes, it really does.
    Matt, it is the most frightening thing in the world to feel that you are only a part of the person you used to be, to feel like you have no say over what you are thinking and how you live your life. Anxiety is a bully and for as long as you react to it it will have control. Accept that you are tired, accept that it is anxiety and accept the thoughts, feelings, bad memory and everything that goes with it and the grip it has on you will slowly loosen. I and others that contribute to this blog are absolute and definate proof that this has worked for them and it will for you, I have no doubt whatsoever.

    All the best
    Helen

  348. Caron 12th November 2010 at 4:24 pm - Reply

    Helen,

    Your words are so sooothing. I have had the worst few days. All this questioning of my medication and am I ever going to get better etc.
    I feel so tired and not with it and emotional, have cried so much today!

    I can’t even seem to think about my thoughts to tell them they are just thoughts and just my anxiety playing tricks as my head feels so fuzzy!

    Maybe the fact that I can;t get hold of them is becasue I am starting to accept them?

    Please can you give some reassurance and some tips?

    Thanks
    x

  349. Helen 12th November 2010 at 9:43 pm - Reply

    Hi Caron,
    You are right. When you really start to accept without thinking about it (hope I make sense) you actually feel a bit numb because the thoughts don’t have as strong a reaction from you as they once did but you are still very tired emotionally and physically. It feels a little like grief as you are at some level letting go of something that you have had with you for so long.
    Don’t question your medication Caron and don’t wonder if you are ever going to get better because you will, you just really have to believe it. Don’t fight whatever comes at you, just accept it or you will become even more tired and confused.
    When you have a really bad day, when your thoughts are going round and round and you feel like you can’t take anymore. When you feel like you want to cry 24/7, when you don’t think you can face talking to people, when you can’t seem to function in any way (I am listing all these because this is how I felt) please, PLEASE know that better days are coming to you but to get to them you have to go through the bad days without question. You will do it, just be patient and don’t put pressure on yourself, anxiety is doing enough of that for you.

    All the best
    Helen

  350. Caron 13th November 2010 at 9:46 am - Reply

    Thanks Helen, I just feel terrible at the moment and so tired but still wake at 5am! Is it normal to question everything about your life? I.e is there anything good in my life? Was I really happy before this came on! I’m struggling to remember a time when I was really happy? Does that make sense ? Am I right to just say to myself that’s the anxiety again playing tricks? X

  351. Helen 13th November 2010 at 12:15 pm - Reply

    Hi Caron,
    It is absolutely normal to question everything when you feel so terrible because you don’t want to feel the way you do. You want to work out why you are feeling this way, you look back to see if there was a trigger so that you can ‘fix it’ and maybe avoid what you think may have triggered it in the future. You look back and try and think of happier times, as surely this would give you some comfort just for a minute but it doesn’t because your mind is so tired. Then you wonder ‘was I really happy at all’ and this makes you feel frightened and more confused and you carry on trying to work it all out. STOP!! You are putting yourself under a huge amount of pressure.
    Think about maybe one thing you would like to do today. It may be reading a page of a book, it may be washing the pots, it may be going for a walk, it may be just trying to hold a 5 minute conversation with someone but do it. Accept that the thoughts will still be there, you may feel absolutley exhausted just at the thought of doing it but do that one thing. Whilst you are doing it and your thoughts come at you because they will Caron, don’t let it stop you from doing what you are doing
    and don’t fight what is going on in your head and how your body feels just accept them.
    The biggest mistake we make as anxiety sufferers is to wait until we are better to carry on with life. What I found is that I have always been happy it is just that anxiety wouldn’t let me feel it for a very long time.

    All the best
    Helen

  352. kat 13th November 2010 at 5:27 pm - Reply

    Helen,

    Your words are so right.

    With the recent swell of anxiety around me, I started to look back at my life and try to think of the things that made me happy, the moments in which I felt like ‘me’, only to come away from it filled with dread, like those moments even were ‘poisoned’ somehow. I watch movies with happy couples in love and I feel angry and turned off. I see people smiling and laughing and I feel annoyed with them somehow, like they know some secret I don’t. The worst part is looking back, though, and thinking how I hope I never have to do any of those things again, even if I was perfectly content doing them at the time. Anxiety has filtered my view of my past and present, and I’m highly resentful of that.

    I also agree that we have a tendency to wait until we’re happy before we carry on. I’ve been doing that for years, occasionally doing things when the ‘mood was right’. I attributed those good moods to my partner, and now that things feel different with him, due to the anxiety, I have been a mess because I don’t feel like I can do anything above what is imperative. This past month I have literally had to force myself to do everything, and that only makes you more tired!

    Still plugging away, though. I haven’t given in entirely and I am doing my best to accept what my thoughts are saying, pushing them aside with a ‘so what?’. It isn’t easy, but I’m trying!

    Thank you for your comforting words, and good luck to Caron!

    Kat

  353. Caron 13th November 2010 at 6:49 pm - Reply

    Thanks Helen, I did go for a walk today which felt good, the thoughts were there but I managed to cope! I am now worrying that my medication is making me worse coz I upped it- I can’t win ! When I got back I tried to have a sleep but the thoughts were so strong and my heart was beating so fast I just wanted to scream! Then I get scared even more bout what’s happening to me! I spose I just need to accept that ANY negative thought is just my anxiety and when this passes so will they? X

  354. Sara A 13th November 2010 at 7:13 pm - Reply

    hiya everyone,

    I’m new to the site but i have posted a couple of times on the obsessive thoughts bloggy.
    I had a really bad day today, it hurt.
    yesturday and the day before were not too bad and i thought i had let it go and accepted my racing thoughts but today i seemed to suffer even more with them. I let them pass or atleast i tried but it was like one straight after the other.. all memories, people, places ive been, stuff i used to watch, words etc etc! basically its like my life is flashing before my eyes. None of them that i enjoy thinking about. I feel so numb and i cant even get angry or cry about the thoughts but they are just there.
    I see a doctor regularly at the moment because i am pregnant. Does anyone think that the reason i could be stuck in this cycle is due to the stress that im having a baby, awaiting a house move, there has been alot going on this year. where did it all go wrong? i thought i was handling the stresses so well and then bam im struck with thoughts that just constantly come. they are so nasty.
    this site is so comforting at times like this. i feel overwhelmed at how every1 supports each other.

    xxx

  355. sasha 13th November 2010 at 7:53 pm - Reply

    Hi all,

    just a random thought…we end up in the anxiety pit because of the nature of thoughts and the repetetive pattern of it…this subject is intriguing me to know a lot more about it..like y ceratin people have this pattern of thinking and can we change the way we see things altogether by being aware each time our mind picks on something…

    i am out of anxiety symptoms..but i guess now the emotions have started to resurface i find it difficult to get over things..initialy it was easy for me as i could bluff anything and everything on anxiety and it never used to bother me much.but now when i am very much in the situations i am getting overemotional and this scares me to hell more tahn anxiety…
    it was always my over emotions that led me into this where i lose my rational mind..i am worried of depression even as it takes a lot more time to snap out of it…

    has anyone who got out of anxiety symptoms had any issues with getting overemotional and tackling it

  356. Paul David (Admin) 14th November 2010 at 2:26 pm - Reply

    Caron I know you feel awful at the moment and bewildred by how you feel, but you seem to still be in a cycle, worrying about the level of your medication, worrying about what is wrong with you, these worries are keeping you in the cycle as your anxious about feeling anxious. It is far better to dislike how you feel, than worry about it and question it all, this will get you nowhere.

    Your post above was all about questioning it all, how you can overcome it, is there anything good in your life, questioning how you feel. You are just having a massive battle with yourself each day, questioing and worrying. You need to learn to be far more ok with the way you feel as awful as it can be, this is the only way. You CAN’T worry and question yourself better, this will just keep you in the cycle. Does the man on the street go around all day questioning how he feels? does he go around all day worrying about how he feels? No and if he did he would also begin to start to feel more stressed and detached. To become like the man on the street you have to behave like him. And that means accepting all your symptoms without question and understanding that they are all just surface symptoms and that the real you is still there underneath. Your symptoms are all worry and stress induced and you are worrying and stressing about them, your whole day is just centred around the way you feel, you have to begin to learn to move in the opposite dirtection and not make it the centre of your day, been there, done it, got worse.

    When you go for a walk, go for a walk, don’t go for a walk wondering or hoping it will help, questioning how you feel all the way around, tuning into how strong your thoughts are etc….When you wake at 5am, don’t question why, feel sorry for yourself, question your whole existence etc…I did everything you mention, it crushed me, I never moved forward, I just fell deeper. Your mind and body is desperate for a break, please learn to step out of the way and give it one. You will have to live alongside your feelings for a while yet, but learn to do that, what you are doing now is the opposite and living your life against them.

    As your other post above states:

    Helen,

    Your words are so sooothing. I have had the worst few days. All this questioning of my medication and am I ever going to get better etc.
    I feel so tired and not with it and emotional, have cried so much today!

    Caron I am not being rude here, but please listen to what people say, the whole book/site/blog states not to spend hours questioning and worrying and how this is just counter productive. You spent a few days worrying and questioning and then wonder why your mind feels so tired and your head feels so fuzzy. I want you to come here and say ‘I understand now that questioning and worrying about the way I feel is fruitless, I just go around in circles and it just has me feeling worse’. There is nothing to question Caron, please learn to stop worrying and questioning, this is vital if you want to move forward. If you re-read all your posts they are all filled with you worrying and questioning, if this is making you feel worse, why not try and begin to do the opposite?

    Lets go to another post of yours

    I also I am so tired that I end up not continuing what I am working on and just end up kind of staring in to space – do you know what I mean?

    You end up staring into space as your mind is overloaded with the subject, there is no space to think, you spend so much time on you and the way you are feeling nothing else enters your day, your mind is just so cloggerd up and tired. Think of the person who meditates, that person has given their mind a break, it feels refreshed and flexible, thinking is so clear and easy. So let thoughts race, let your attention be on you, but learn to no longer get involved, don’t try to force clear thinking, allow your mind to be clogged up, dull and fuzzy and be o.k with it, all this will help clear your mind, but be prepared to give it time and drop this utter desperation to be better today.

    Paul

  357. Caron 14th November 2010 at 5:16 pm - Reply

    Thanks Paul. I know I just need to drop my tools and accept this is me for now and not worry about what’s going to happen to me. It’s just so frightening. I do listen to everything try to stop my questioning and be ok with how I feel. Thanks

  358. Paul David (Admin) 14th November 2010 at 7:35 pm - Reply

    Caron that’s right, please try not to get so frustrated with the way you feel, it’s a big step 🙂

  359. sasha 14th November 2010 at 7:57 pm - Reply

    Hi Paul

    is it normal to feel low for a long period? offshoot of anxiety? thought pattern will be the culprit in here..but there are no anxious thoughts…but each moment of dullness or ”i couldnt do” moments should be just taken up as a moment to do the same or something else to get out of the rut …right?
    if u could just encourage me to go out and do stuff when i dont feel like…feel very negative at the moment….how do i get to change my self image?best is to untrust the thoughts about me right? i guess each time we do what we ”think” we cant gives us the power over our thoughts….isnt that so…
    would love to hear few words of encouragement..i sometimes fear this low feeling as it keeps me in that frame of mind for alonger period of time rather tahn anxiety and its symptoms.. …
    hope to hear from u..

  360. Sara A 14th November 2010 at 8:08 pm - Reply

    hiya paul,
    I posted a couple up – i am following your advice but would just really like comformation that what i experiance is normal too? i am not letting it hold me back because i believe it will work. my main issue is remembering the memories which are always negative, films, it seems to be associative at times. I am letting them flow in and not paying them attetion but of course i am aware they are there. i could have the same things pop up again.
    I know that since i purchased your book a week ago that i have improved because i am getting up and going out etc. However this thought pattern is new and the only thing i have now. Is there stages to recovery?
    I know you are very busy but if you do get chance could you read my post above and maybe give me some reasurance. i would be very grateful 🙂

    Thankyou
    Sara A

  361. Matt K 14th November 2010 at 11:17 pm - Reply

    Hey Paul,

    Just a quick question for you. Will your advice work for whatever anxiety disorder someone has been diagnosed with? I have mostly generalized and social anxiety with an very rare panic attack thrown in for good measure :). Is this process meant to work with these types of problems? I am very afraid of embarrasing or humiliating myself. I thinks thats why I have a big problem at work, so what would you suggest?

  362. louise tague 14th November 2010 at 11:53 pm - Reply

    Hell everyone,god i havent been on here in a while,i still like checking in from time to time though,i find the website and all of pauls advice invaluable.Pauls book and the people on his blog played a massive part in my recovery from anxiety. Im doing really well these days,im happy and content and more in control of stress and all its negative symptoms.
    Im at college studying health and fitness,in fact,im the class rep!!If someone told me this time lastyear id be the spokesperson for a group of 25 people id have thought they where mentil!!Im not the best at public speaking but im a whole lot better than i ever gave myself credit for. Thats the nature of anxiety u see,your feelings are always magnified but theyre not always the case,theyre not always the reality. Matt,i so hear what your saying,i can relate 100% my biggest problem was social anxiety.I was so bad i cant begin to explain!! I avoided everything and everybody for fear of making a complete fool of myself,i was terrified of talking in the phone,i used to rattle if i bumped into someone in asda or anywhere,all someone had to say was “hi how r u! and id b in tatters-it was awful but i am better and if i can do it so can u………..firstly i did not get better over night,its taken time a whole lot of patience and many mishaps along the way,the biggest change u can make is deciding once and for all to FACE everything,avoid nothing,bend like a willow and just go,avoidance will keep u locked in anxiety 4ever. Anxiety has tought me to respect myself,because of this i wouldnt allow anyone to disrespect me,but this attitude has developed over time. Be yourself around people,people are generally really nice and wont think or say anything about your nerves,and peoplle that do dont matter anyway. Having anxiety is only one part of you-find the rest-enjoy life-find hobbies-spend time with family-challenge yourself at work to approach people,strike up conversation and put yourself out there,if it goes bad,hey,theres always 2morrow!!!!!!!Get rid of the fear of anxiety and trust me theres not much left,u can do this xxxxxxxxhope this helps

  363. Joe 15th November 2010 at 3:10 am - Reply

    Oops–I meant to place my post under this section. Glad it helped some people.

    As important as it is to accept your anxious thougts/feelings for the time being, and as important as it is not to do anything about them, it is very, very hard to do this without BELIEVING that anxiety is all that it is. So many people (and I was one of them!) tend to think like this: “Well, I feel awful right now and these thoughts are scary. However, I think it’s only anxiety. At least, I’m pretty sure that’s all it is. But what if–“…. And this “what if”, whatever it might be, can keep you in the anxiety trap (and it is a trap. The whole thing is a big put-up job!) As long as you think that it is something other than your currently sensitized mind and body (your anxiety), or even think that it very well COULD be something else, acceptance will be very difficult. Once you are truly convinced that anxiety is all it is–that every bizzare/obsessive thought and uncomfortable sensation is grounded in your anxiety ALONE, and that without this anxiety these thought/sensations wouldn’t be there–then acceptance comes a whole lot easier. And 9 times out of 10, anxiety IS the only real trouble.

  364. Ian 15th November 2010 at 9:38 am - Reply

    Didn’t read the blog over the weekend and just so much that resonates with me here this morning. Thank you Helen, Paul and Joe.

    Caron – I can relate to a lot of what you say. To say that my life if very difficult at present seems a huge understatement, I have often found myself asking how can I NOT be so desperate. But I do find reassurance here. I do realise my desperation is part of the problem.

  365. KH 15th November 2010 at 12:42 pm - Reply

    The comments from everybody is very helpful and I would always come back here for comfort. I tried my best to disregard all thoughts with the firm belief that I can recover from all this. My anxiety is beginning to be in control but I feel very tired and would occasionally wonder if all this would come to an end.

    I felt very exhausted as I cannot feel any happiness no matter anything good has happened. However, on the positive side, my fears and anxious thoughts have been reduced and I would hope that this would mean that recovery is not far away from reach. So good luck to everybody as well !

  366. KH 15th November 2010 at 12:50 pm - Reply

    I would like to ask a question here to those who have fully recovered. May I know once you have pretty much recovered would you feel like how you used to be?

    I am not expecting myself to return back to my old self as I have learned to accept my current self. But I would only wonder how is full recovery of anxiety like as I am still on my journey to recovery.

  367. Helen 15th November 2010 at 5:25 pm - Reply

    Hi KH,
    Recovery from anxiety for me is very humbling because you realise when you are out of it or well on your way to getting out of it how great life is and I don’t mean it is like the ending of a film when you suddenly know you are better and that everything is going to be great from now on (that is what i expected for a long time!), I mean that because you have learnt so much about yourself from just being who you are and accepting whatever comes at you and allowing anxiety to attack you because that is what it does, you realise how very strong you are.
    I am my old self; a happy, loving person but now I don’t have the underlying fear I always had (I have had anxiety on and off for most of my life, I am 35 and I have had 2 very, very bad episodes). For a long time I did not believe that I would ever recover and felt like giving up sometimes but I didn’t.
    There isn’t a defining moment when you know you are better, you just are and the only, ONLY way to recover is to know that you will, accept the bad days without question, accept the good days without question, accept feeling so depressed but get up, go to work, go for a walk, wash the pots even when you feel desperate. Let your mind and body do what it wants to at whatever moment it wants to. If it wants to race and throw a million words or thoughts at you, if you feel like you are going insane from the ‘what ifs’ then let it happen.
    Recovery is yours, you own it and you will get there. That is the one thing that anxiety cannot take away from you.

    All the best
    Helen

  368. Joe 15th November 2010 at 7:35 pm - Reply

    Hi Ian,

    If I were you I think I’d try to go for a while without checking out this blog or any other anxiety-related site. I understand that this can be hard, but sooner or later you’ve got to come to the point where you just trust that you know all you need to know to recover. You know why you are feeling this way, and, knowing this, you are prepared to accept whatever comes your way. And, as the thoughts/feelings are now being accepted (with a “whatever” attitude), you will come to find other things grabbing your attention more. Bit by bit, outer things begin to capture your interest again, as you are losing interest in yourself (once you truly see anxiety for what it is and accept it for what it is, this is inevitable. You don’t have to force it). As you go through your day to day life with this new attitude of acceptance (i.e. letting your thoughts and feelings do whatever, without trying to control them), you will have some bad periods where you may be tempted to think, “This just isn’t working. I must be doing something wrong.” Let this thought be just one of the many thoughts that you ignore, that you allow to be there in your mind, without delving into it and analyzing it. If it makes you feel anxious to ignore it, so be it. Remember, the new attitude is one of “whatever”, and, as Paul said somewhere, If the anxious thoughts and sensations don’t matter anymore, there is no reason to analyze them. Don’t think about trying to force these thoughts out of your mind with other non-anxious thoughts. Try to think of it this way: on the left are a bunch of anxious thoughts. These thoughts stay with you almost all day long, whatever you might be doing. On the right, there are other thoughts–thoughts about what you’re doing at work, a hobby, a book, etc (anything non-anxious). Let these different groups of thoughts sit side-by-side one another, without trying to make the one set push the other away. In time, the anxious thoughts will leave of their own accord, without any conscious help from you 🙂

  369. Lesley 16th November 2010 at 6:00 am - Reply

    Phew this road to recovery is bumpy but……i have good suspention so I’m sure I’ll be fine lol!! Just wanted to say what two great posts above, full of encouraging positive words! Thanks x x

  370. Si 16th November 2010 at 11:50 am - Reply

    Caron,

    Just wanted to say I can relate to everything you mentioned about getting angry about people having fun, getting on with life and totally questioning “WAS I EVER HAPPY BEFORE”. It’s good to know it’s not just me 🙂

    I can also tell you this, I have just had a good week (compared to most). I got interested in things I used to be interested in, still had the thoughts there but for a strange reason I didn’t pay much attention to these. I actually felt so close to being my old self, things like DIY felt quite enthusiastic about doing it… So it does go away. Went out at the weekend with some mates (I realy didn’t want to go, but glad I did now, cos I proved to myself I can do it)

    However the last 2 days I have felt quite down again, and I know it’s hard to not think yourself better. But I am not half as dispondent as I used to be…. I truley belive this is a time issue and to live along side your thoughts and feelings like Paul says. OK it’s not easy to do things when you realy don’t want to, but I found that last week I pushed myself a little bit more to ignore my tired mind and get on with things, laugh at my silly feelings and thoughts, listen and interact with other people and trust me WATCH the movies that make you feel low, God I cant tell you how good it feels to know I was not the only person who felt like this, but I pushed and pushed myself to keep watching, keep doing the stuff I didn’t have the energy to do and I felt a LIFT!! OK it’s come back down again like I said, but over the last few months I get a decent week and a couple of low days where as before I had all bad days. It certainly is a time related condition and I know in the next couple of days I’ll be ontop of this again.

    Cheers
    Si

  371. Paul David (Admin) 16th November 2010 at 12:13 pm - Reply

    Good advice Joe and without doubt you have got the total correct attitude, it shines through. I did also say the below somewhere in the blog a while back and it is worth really taking on board.

    “If the anxious thoughts and sensations don’t matter anymore, there is no reason to analyze them”.

  372. Sara A 16th November 2010 at 12:33 pm - Reply

    Hiya to every1,

    I have written a couple of posts not far up and wandered if any1 could reasure me that im on the right track? The thoughts i have and am constantly getting are always there, but i know they are ridiculous. I just came back from swimming with my husband and i wont let it all stop me from doing anything or going anywhere because in the past i wouldnt have cared… although a little hard i still want to do it.
    I am 20 and pregnant so its not easy with the whole not having a time limit on recovery because my babys due date is 3rd feb. I believe im letting the thoughts have as much room as they like, however i have an issue with my mind wanting to refer back to other thoughts, its like my mind says ” ok your not thinking anything lets throw you something that you really didnt like” i dont think im actually making a concious decision to look back because i know deep down i dont want to.
    I try and look to the future and the positives but they don’t come as clearly as i’d like… is this because my mind wants me to stop and just be for now?
    I have my doctors later and i think he wants me to be put on antidepressants.. my gut feeling is telling me no, as horrible as this all is i care too much about my babys health and i think it would add another stress.
    So yea please if any1 could read my posts above and get back to me would be alot of help 🙂

    Thankyou Thankyou
    Take care
    xxx

  373. Ian 16th November 2010 at 12:39 pm - Reply

    Thank you.

  374. Fiona 16th November 2010 at 1:23 pm - Reply

    Hi Sara, i come on the blog now and then usually to give some advice if i think i can. I have had a baby recently so please be assured that you will cope fine with everything. Im pretty much recovered but did experience a setback when i had my baby. But it is important to understand it is a traumatic experience with or without anxiety. Things you’ll have to deal with are the pain of childbirth and the recovery period, lack of sleep, strain on your relationship with hubby, getting to know and bonding with your baby. DO NOT PUT A TIME SCALE ON YOUR RECOVERY BASED ON YOUR DUE DATE. I would just expect to still have anxiety, that makes it easier tl accept and just get on with becoming a mum. Unfortunately you cant switch anxiety off it doesnt work like that, it slowly disappears in an up and down process.
    As far as anti-ds, i have never taken them and i dont think anyone has really found them to be beneficial, recovery comes from within you.
    All the best and keep me updated.
    Fi xxx

  375. LORRYT 16th November 2010 at 1:36 pm - Reply

    HI SASHA

    thing is i dont shout back , i listen to all the ranting and raving and try to take it in but its like my ears wont hear it ! sounds weird, i was brought up in a very calm environment and no arguments were tolerated! , hubby is having a bad time and seems we are all paying for iy at the mo. im sure things will calm down but my nerves are always on edge and its so frustarting when you feel like you have come so far and things just get in the way and you are in a set back. i am tryin g to help him but ther eis only so much i can do !. thanks for the support hun it means aloads xxx

  376. Maike 16th November 2010 at 2:44 pm - Reply

    Dear Paul,

    I found your website and your blog a few weeks ago and was crying with relief after I read what you wrote. I’m 30 now and am struggling with anxiety since 10 years. Over the past weeks anxiety reached a peak it had never reached before and I am rarely leaving the house anymore. I was always against taking any antipsychotic drugs except for homoepathic stuff but right now I am at a point where I would take anything just to not feel this constant fear and sadness anymore. But I won’t because I know it won’t help and it won’t cure me. I will order your book today and be patient, letting recovery slowly take place, one step at a time. Even if it takes years, anything is better than how I am feeling right now.

    My boyfriend is very understanding and tries to be there for me all the time but I feel so guilty and ashamed for he deserves a better life, without someone who is constantly unhappy despite all the wonderful things he does for me. I am holding him back and dragging him down and that is not fair. I hate what I have become and I feel that it might be a punishment for not being a good enough person in the past.
    I am so thankful for your website. Thank you for sharing your experiences and for wanting to help other people. God bless you!

    Maike

  377. mark 16th November 2010 at 4:30 pm - Reply

    Hello,

    I read Paul’s book a few months ago, and although it relates to me, I sometimes have difficulty putting it into practice.

    I see a therapist who tells me I need to think positive in order to overcome many of my fears and anxiety. Although I agree with him (and I’m sure Paul would too), sometimes I believe that this is “fighting” against my symptoms. So when I tell myself to think positive, a voice in my head creeps up and says “you feel bad, so thinking positive is fighting your feelings, which will make you worse – the exact opposite of what Paul said to do.” This angers me, so do I ignore these thoughts or believe them? I mean positive thinking can’t be bad! On one hand, Paul says to accept these thoughts and feelings, but on the other hand my therapist is saying that these feelings are trash and to think positive. Maybe I’m overanalyzing and missing the big picture, but everytime I try to devote myself to living a certain way, there is a strong doubt inside me that says “But you are doing this the wrong way.” It’s so frustrating, and it sets me up this whole internal, obsessive dialogue that limits my ability to live my day.
    The only way I can break free of this is to be “mindful” of the environment around me. This helps, but I always return to the argument I described, so it feels like more of an escape. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Perhaps I’m missing something here.

  378. Matt 17th November 2010 at 12:16 am - Reply

    Caron,

    Yes I definately understand what you are saying and Helen thank you for the kind words.

    I know that I have conveyed this before but does it really get better? I mean the memory, and the confusion? I go to work and I just can’t comprehend things like I used to. Concepts that I know I would have understood before go over my head which causes me more anxiety. It is so scary. It’s as if my IQ has dropped off of a cliff. My head feels like it is filled with pressure and I am lightheaded but the constant confusion is what scares me. I know that I have to quit analyzing if I ever expect to improve but have people gained back there ability to think and problem solve?

    I am going to continue to attempt to not focus on my anxiety and such and take all of your advise but I just feel like I am alone with the mental confusion that I experience.

    Thank you all for your support and comments.

  379. Sara A 17th November 2010 at 10:31 am - Reply

    Hiya fiona,
    Thankyou so much for replying. I really appreciate it.
    I’m going to continue the way i am, i think im in the up and down process,
    yesturday evening i was so confident and able to let thoughts come and go and they became less frequent and for about an hour i was able to watch tele with the hubby and be me, although i did recognise that i was watching myself if that makes sense.
    This morning i woke up and has the images/memories etc and new ones.
    I know i shouldnt question why they havent gone but i thinks its just one of those things that i have to get passed.
    I turned down the anti-d. I have midwife friday and i think she will give me some imput on support i could have after the birth.
    If you dont mind me asking how did your anxiety affect you?
    Dont feel the need to respond to that question if its raw or uncomfortable.

    Thankyou again. Hope to hear from you soon.
    xxx

  380. Hollie 17th November 2010 at 9:14 pm - Reply

    Hi Paul!
    Around April or May this year, my mum found your website and ordered the book for me. I had been struggling with anxiety for about 2 years and it got to the point i thought i couldnt cope anymore. My hair was falling out and i got psoriasis (the doc told me it was due to stress!) I remember the first time i read your book – i actually started crying!! The relief i felt from knowing that someone else felt the same way i did was unbelievable! This may sound far fetched – but i dont care – i feel that you have saved my life!! All i ever wanted to do was be at home in my bed, and even then i would feel anxious.
    Im still recovering now, i still have bad days and i get stressed very easily (I am training at a job which can be very hard work) but i feel a million times better than i did. I actually started feeling better the day after reading your book, because i knew i was not alone and i was beginning to understand WHY i felt the way i did.
    I feel exhausted alot of the time, and i get the `tight band` and feel dizzy. But this is usually only at work. Any other time i am fine! I read back on your book alot to give me the encouragement i need to recover. I know i will get there one day, and there is no question of where and when, it will just happen. It is happening!!

    I cannot thank you enough for what you have done to my life and many others. To me, you are a saviour!

    All the best Paul, Hollie xxx

    P.s – My hair is now intact and my psoriasis has completely gone!! 🙂

  381. geoff 18th November 2010 at 12:16 am - Reply

    Hi Mark,

    I hope you will permit me to answer your post – as I recognise a lot of what you’ve described in my own personal experiences.

    Yes I think you are missing something, as it seems you are mixing-up two very different things;

    I suspect your therapist is advising you to identify what may be a well-developed habit of negative thinking, and to practice a new habit of using cold, hard logic to challenge those negative thoughts in order to develop more optimistic ones.

    This isn’t the same as ‘fighting your symptoms’ – anxiety symptoms being things like; churning stomach, sweaty palms, panic feelings etc. These symptoms are the result of adrenaline – they need to be understood and accepted, because any attempt to fight against them will release more adrenaline and only make them worse. Whereas a habit of negative thinking needs to be understood and challenged, because negative thoughts left unchecked simply lead into a downward spiral of your mood.

    I also wanted to say something about that “internal, obsessive dialogue” you mentioned… as this is something I’ve been bogged-down with myself. This actually serves no useful purpose, and simply spoils your enjoyment of your day. It needs to be stopped as it’s draining mental energy which you need for productive purposes (try googling ‘stop ruminating’ for some useful techniques).

    Hope some of this is helpful, Mark. Keep in touch with how things are going.
    Best wishes, Geoff

  382. Paul David (Admin) 18th November 2010 at 1:05 pm - Reply

    That’s great news Hollie, I remember the ‘crying’ with relief moment myself once I finally had some information. I have never felt so lost and alone, having not a single clue as to what was wrong with me and no one could seem to tell me anything. Someone in the medical field once said ‘Paul doctors have to know a little about everything and can’t expect to be experts in the field of anxiety, it is a subject in itself’ I replied ‘Yes but would it not be good if every town had just 1 person with decent knowledge that they can be sent to, even just to explain and then advise them on where to get extra help?’

    Just a simple explanation would have saved me years of suffering. I got worse because, not only was I fighting to get better, I was also trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with me. It is the biggest most single reason people visit their doctor and yet in most cases no one can tell you what is wrong with you. hopefully in years to come that will change, it needs to!

    Anyway well done on your progress, I never tire of people coming back here to say how much better they are doing.

    Paul

  383. Michelle M 18th November 2010 at 2:56 pm - Reply

    Hello, just a quick question. Does anyone still feel odd & detached, even when not feeling anxious? I feel like this most days now. Had my third bout of anxiety really bad in Sept last year, & have made slight improvements, but still feel quite strange, almost like i’m not really here, & nothing in my life has any relevance, If that makes sense? I would really appreciate, if anyone that has, or is experiencing this feeling, how to cope with this. Many thanks Michelle

  384. Michelle M 18th November 2010 at 3:06 pm - Reply

    Just read the above post & i absolutely agree with you Paul. So much more needs to be done to create awarness of such a misunderstood & debilitating condition. If there were more awareness then alot less people would be suffering right now, as there is so much ‘Stigma’ attached to mental illnesses. Why should Anxiety & Depression be sneered upon? It’s time certain people stopped being ingnorant & realise that these illnesses are Real! If some one can be ill with Diabetes & not be frowned upon, why can’t someone not be well in the mind? After all we are only human. Keep up the good work Paul, you’re doing great! I have already recommended your book to a few people & it has helped loads. Thank you, for taking the time out, to help others in need. Michelle.

  385. mark 18th November 2010 at 7:26 pm - Reply

    Thank you Geoff. I understand where you are coming from with your post, and I appreciate you getting back to me.

    With that being said, I still struggle to a very strong degree with pervasive, scary thoughts that haunt me on a daily basis. These thoughts tend to be focused on my current relationship and life situation. Thoughts tend to pop up suddenly, and I doubt anything and everything, such as “Why can’t I love my girlfriend, Why don’t I miss her when she’s not around? Is she cheating on me?” They’ve gotten so extreme that I have begun questioning some serious qualities within myself, even so far as my sexuality. With my therapist, I have tried replacing all of these negative, sabotaging thoughts with positive ones. The more the negative thoughts persist, the stronger I come back with positives. After many months, I still fight these thoughts but to no avail, they keep coming back. Not only is this time consuming, but it is a severely debilitating process that leaves me emotionally drained and more confused than ever.

    I am confused what direction to take. Unlike in Paul’s book, I do not question any physiological symptoms, mainly b/c I have none. I do not have tight bands, shaking hands or anything, and if I do I usually do not question them. I tend only to doubt my emotional feelings, not my physiological symptoms, if that makes sense. My most successful approach has been using “Mindfulness,” where I focus and ground myself on my surroundings. It helps quite a bit, but in the end these thoughts creep back and dominate my thinking. It’s more of a coping mechanism than a solution. It’s a very well-documented and published technique, so I will continue using it.

    I have also taken some of Paul’s advice to laugh/smile at the thoughts and realize they are just a physiological response to adrenaline. This does help to a certain degree, but is this really the answer in my case? I want to put my confidence fully behind it, but wouldn’t I have full-on panic attacks and physiological symptoms (tight band, etc.) if it was all due to adrenaline? If I don’t find out the reason for these thoughts, then I tend to believe they are just innate desires trying to manifest themselves, and that scares the hell out of me. My therapist tends to believe they are fears, not desires, but how can I tell? I want to laugh these things away, but not knowing where they come from isn’t all that funny.

    Obviously I’m still confused, and every day is a struggle. I try very very hard to maintain an active lifestyle, and I do not avoid situations, but my thoughts follow me everywhere I go. I have a difficult time enjoying things because I am so distracted and drained by my thoughts. If anyone can please shed any light on my situation, I would be very appreciative. Thanks so much.

  386. Andre 18th November 2010 at 7:45 pm - Reply

    Hello Michelle,
    i felt this way – so said – in the second step into my recovery. I don’t know others how they felt, but i can definitely relate to this. For me, when i understand my condition this was somehow more easy to accept, even if it was awful and embarrassing. There were periods when this oddness lift up, felt so good, almost free, without any anxious feeling, but i understand that i have to give up the fight and let my mind to settle himself.
    At the same time i realized that i have to give up with the coping strategies, because if i would to live a normal live i had to act as normal. So my suggestion would be, try to let yourself feel miserable, with that knowledge back in your mind that this wont persist forever and with time you will feel better and better. (Sorry if i couldn’t formulate better)

  387. Sara A 18th November 2010 at 9:12 pm - Reply

    Hiya mark,

    I thought that i would respond to you because i am in the same kind of situation- i dont have any of the physical symptoms which did make me question at first wether all my thoughts/images etc were because of adrenalin but i guess i have realised now that me questioning that was anxiety based. I guess you really dont have to have all the symptoms to have anxiety. So smile your not alone on that one.
    I have noticed with being so aware of what im thinking that i tend to say to myself if i see something i dont like ” oh please dont think that, please dont stick ” and of course because i gave it the attention that it wanted it stuck haha. I think its just about taking it all with a pinch of salt. The things i would love to stick dont because i like those thoughts- eg : my wedding.
    I honestly believe its a learning curve that we all have to go through. I don’t want to stay this way- of course i dont but i cant stop my mind right now. Try not to question why you have no physical symptoms and be glad that you dont 🙂 its not a nice experiance if you have had them.

    hope it may help you.

    sara a
    x

  388. geoff 18th November 2010 at 9:56 pm - Reply

    Hi Mark,

    I can really see how confusing and exhausting this must be for you, struggling to keep going with these thoughts troubling you so much. Worrying and disturbing thoughts are something that a lot us anxiety sufferers have to contend with, I know from personal experience – particuarly when I’ve been under a lot of stress. I see Paul has a webpage covering this particular problem, so it’s obviously very common:
    http://www.anxietynomore.co.uk/anxiety_worrying_thoughts.html

    The “Mindfulness” technique does sound like it is providing you with some relief though – I do hope you can keep going with this, you may be underestimating the benefit this is giving you. Troubling thoughts tend to ‘stick’ in a tired, emotionally drained mind, so obviously any technique that gives your mind a bit of a rest is worth persevering with.

    I wonder if you will allow me to make one other observation? Your posts are full of questioning; questioning your therapist’s view of your fearful thoughts, questioning Paul’s advice, questioning what direction to take, etc. This is all very exhausting – I’m sure you can see how much less exhausting it would be if you stopped the questioning (for example by using a “Stop” technique). I realise this is quite challenging of me to say this – you are obviously a very intelligent and perceptive person who wants to analyse things in great detail – but in the end all the questioning is more likely to simply drain you further.

    Best wishes to you, Geoff

  389. Kat 18th November 2010 at 11:49 pm - Reply

    Hello all,

    Just a bit of an update, I suppose. On the one hand, things are better in terms of panic as I’ve been almost cheerful the past few days and have been much more focused than I have been for the past month. On the other hand, there is still fear around my relationship with my husband, as well as dread, but I know that it won’t alleviate overnight. That said, I am back looking for more support as I have begun to brim with doubts again and do not want to start the obsessive thinking.

    I found out that I have the day off work tomorrow, and it was a wonderful surprise. I was excited to have a day to spend with him where our daughter would be at school and we’d be able to spend ‘quality time’ alone together. Then, I got home and the ‘thoughts’ flooded me, and I was back to feeling dread. Now, everything I have read tells me that this is anxiety-based thinking, but there’s that nagging part of me who keeps whispering ‘your relationship is in jeopardy!’. I have been feeling weepy since and have begun to back-pedal which I really don’t want to do.

    I know that I need to let the thoughts come, but, after a month of keeping a distance from him and constantly feeling as though I have to test the waters just to see how I feel, I’m exhausted and frightened. I was hoping any of you who have gone through this and have managed to get past it would perhaps tell me how you did it? For the record, I’ve had panic disorder for ten years and this is the first time in our eight year relationship that I’ve felt this way with regard to him. In fact, up until just over a month ago I was wild about him and felt absolutely secure.

    Any advice?

    I’m sorry if I’m being redundant since I’ve posted about this before, but I am really hoping for words I can build on.

    Much appreciated,

    Kat

  390. Hawkeye 19th November 2010 at 8:40 am - Reply

    Kat first of all I had this for a long time. But I knew my now husband was the one for me for I had to face and accept the thoughts. You will know the answer to this to. There is no doubt in my mind that you love and want to be with your husband as everything you have said I have been through. i yes it is so scary you start to question everything. it wasn’t until i said to these thoughts ‘yeah so what I don’t love him i am going to carry on anyway’. That I made head way. I accepted that the thought was there. that did not mean i believe it. But it stopped my inernal dialouge. one of the scariest things for me was that I thought it kept coming back because i knew I did not love him and i had to leave. I thought it was intitution trying to tell me something. Like you describe that nagging feeling. Well it was all bullshit. As in my calm states i saw the truth. Nothing comes from a negative head space no answers and you can never think yourself out of a low mood. You need to give up finding the answer, you need to wave the white flag. Let these thoughts do what they want and I promise you and I really mean this when you feel calmer you will know the answer which will be you love him. You can not feel these feelings now as you are surrounded by fear. When you are surrounded by fear you will also be so aware of yourself and feelings you will be analysing. So hug your husband tell him you love him let ALL THE DOUBT BE THERE! iTS LIKE DO THE OPPOSITE!! and try not to analyse how you are feeling.

    You know how you truely feeel its just that that voice of doubt is so loud at the moment. Fear is very powerful give up the fight. Let all your thoughts feeling float through you and carry on with what you truely want to do.

    xxx

  391. Hawkeye 19th November 2010 at 8:41 am - Reply

    I had this grmlin in all my relationships and when I meet my husband i knew I had to face it
    xx
    Recovery lies in the places you fear the most -Claire weekes

  392. Sara 19th November 2010 at 9:48 am - Reply

    Wow-great post Hawkeye (rach?!)

    As I’ve mentioned above Kat, I have exactly the same difficulties with obessive thinking around this subject, it is exhausting and frustrating and the thoughts have stuck about for a long time. I think it might have been Helen who also talked about how when you are in this anxious/negative mind state it makes it easy to pick on the negative issues in your realtionship or life, magnify them and turn them into something which does not remotley resemble the truth. I honestly believe that if I had the advice found through this website and book much much earlier I would not have become stuck in this merry go round of analysing, obessive thinking, determined to find any hint of truth which could propel my fear. I really liked what you said Rach-“Recovery lies in the places you fear the most” ( Claire Weekes’s book is the next buy on my list 🙂 We can take some comfort knowing that it is the fear we are afraid of not the thoughts themselves. For me most of the obsessive thinking is born out of pure habit. It became normal for me to be in this constant state of anxiety and worry (even though I knew deep down that there wasn’t any truth in the thoughts) and as such all I did was transfer one worry onto another which I now realise I have done with my relationship. I suppose what I’m trying to say is that it isn’t about the thoughts but about the fear. If it isn’t about the thoughts then there is not need to pay any attention to them.
    Honestly Kat, I really understand what you’re going through and look how many people on here do to! That for me is a great relief that there is no truth in the thoughts whatsover. If so many people with anxiety have this (or different types) of fears then it has got to be anxiety!
    Mark-again really related to what you were saying amongst my many many irrational fears and obssessive thinking was sexuality. Again-totally and utterly anxiety based. I realise this now BUT I have to say it’s not an easy road when you have suffered for so long. I think knowing it is anxiety based and “sitting with the thoughts” is the way to recovery. I know we have all got it in us to recover we have just got to ride this bumpy journey for a while.
    take care everyone
    Sara xxxx

  393. Helen 19th November 2010 at 10:26 am - Reply

    Kat,
    What Hawkeye says is absolutley spot on.
    I have been through the EXACT same thing and know 100% that you will get through this with your relationship intact. In fact, your relaptionship will be stronger as will you. You will get through this x

  394. Trisha 19th November 2010 at 11:11 am - Reply

    Hi all, i come along here to mostly read when i need support but post from time to time. I find it some comfort to feel like i can say it out as apposed to keeping it in. I have been doing pretty well since discovering this site / book a year ago snxiety is something i have dealt with for a about 10 years but much improved and very much enjoying life thanks to this however i have had a set back in the last two weeks. basically i went into hosp to get all my wisdom teeth out and have been left with ..hopefully temporary numbness in my mouth ( apparently im the one in hundred!!) i started to get anxious and worried last week when it didn;t appear to go away i spent my entire week of recovery worrying and my anxiety went throu the roof! i had been out of my routine of excercise, eating healthy and being outdoors. I really was freaking out mainly i discovered because it was out of my control and there was nothing i could do…i function better when i feel well and appear to panic when obstacles get in the way this being one. basically i was so scared and went to the consultant who said i could be like this for another month or two as you can imagine. stupidly i went online and read up on horror stories about permanent nerve damage. im getting married early nect year and was very concerned. anyhow not going to bore you with all the dental details but as a result im shattered and mentally exhausted from worrying for two weeks about something that at the end of the day i have no control over and need to give it time and have patience. im really learning alot about myself this last week in terms with how i cope with stress ( not very well it turns out!) im trying to get back into my normal routine to distract myself but it is so difficult. i quess in the past i dealt with anxiety after something had happened this however is very different when something is ongoing. but perhaps i need to still use the same techniques. thanks for reading sorry to bore you all. just feeling quite scared and upset at present t XX

  395. Paul David (Admin) 19th November 2010 at 12:40 pm - Reply

    Michelle says: Just read the above post & i absolutely agree with you Paul. So much more needs to be done to create awarness of such a misunderstood & debilitating condition. If there were more awareness then alot less people would be suffering right now, as there is so much ‘Stigma’ attached to mental illnesses. Why should Anxiety & Depression be sneered upon? It’s time certain people stopped being ingnorant & realise that these illnesses are Real! If some one can be ill with Diabetes & not be frowned upon, why can’t someone not be well in the mind? After all we are only human. Keep up the good work Paul, you’re doing great! I have already recommended your book to a few people & it has helped loads. Thank you, for taking the time out, to help others in need. Michelle.

    Yes I agree with you Michelle. I can’t believe something so common is so ignored and seems to have such a stigma attached to it. Even to this day there are many friends and family members who have no idea what I went through or what I now do. When you deal with close family members and friends of mine who reguarly say things like ‘Mental illness doesnt exist or refer to people as nutters’ then you know it is better not to try and bother explaining to such ignorant people. Though I will say I have friends and family who think the total opposite and know exactly what I do and often say they know someone who suffers and more should be done. You get a feel for the ignorant ones, but it is generally these people that has so many people suffer in silence through fear of ridicule. No one who suffers should be ashamed, as my own doctor said it was the single, largest reason people came to see him.

    Some on here may remember, but over a year ago a doctor actually came on here who suffered and had no idea what was wrong and came on asking for advice, he said he felt so ashamed, as he thought he really should know how to help himself and that if he was able to move forward he would try to REALLY help anyone who came to him in the future and not brush it off with a few pills and a 5 minute chat. It just shows anyone can and does suffer, I get emails from every walk of life.

    My own view is that basically everyone understands a cold as they have felt one, so it’s real and people get sympathy and understanding. Things like cancer, heart problems, etc, exist as it says so on the TV and in so many magazines/books and many people know many who have suffered, so it exists and again people will sympathise. But anxiety is seemingly not publicised, swept under the carpet, people keep quiet, with so few out there who can seem to help, there is certainly a lack of understanding and sympathy there. Again this needs to change quickly and maybe as the internet grows and more and more publicity is given to the subject, hopefully it may do.

    I remember one lady who said her husband did not understand and told her it was all in her head and to just snap out of it. She replied ‘Do you think for 1 minute I want to feel this way, not sleep properly, feel dreadful, not want to go out, do you really think I would chose this way of life! you understand nothing!’

    It is that lack of understanding that has people suffering in silence, but I loved her honest reply.

  396. Paul David (Admin) 19th November 2010 at 3:33 pm - Reply

    By the way I was asked how people find the site/blog and I had to answer it could come from a few different ways, but I was not sure on how most people found the place, but expect it was a google search. This is nothing more that me now being interested in how people landed here and what is the most popular source of people finding this place.

    If people who don’t mind could put at the end of their post how they found the site I would be just purely interested, it is not a survey or anything 🙂 It could be a google search, a recommendation, a link from another site/forum or another way.

    Paul

  397. KH 19th November 2010 at 3:55 pm - Reply

    Hi Paul, KH here. I stumbled across your site while I was doing a Google search. I was googling “fear of going crazy” when I discovered your site and I am very glad as it has helped me to go on a road of recovery.

    I’m almost recovering with very little anxious thoughts which would occur at times. But I was lucky as I only suffered for a month before I found this site, while there are here who suffered for years. For those others who haven’t recovered yet, it’ll all be eventually worth it and you all can make it !

    I totally agree with you that people with anxiety / depression are not nutters, they are just caught in a cycle which they found no way to escape. We are all humans and sometimes we do get caught in a worrying cycle for too long. Unfortunately, there are just too little people who are aware of this as they have never actually experienced it. Some of my close friends also agree with me that they would never understand how it feels as they were never caught in anxiety / depression.

  398. Sara A 19th November 2010 at 4:06 pm - Reply

    Paul,

    You say that the thoughts should be left to come and go… i am doing this.
    Alot of people on this blog have thoughts which are completley irrational and scary for them.
    All my thoughts are memories and they attach themselves with a strong feeling almost as though im being dragged back to the past. It really is scary now because im not sure if anyone has had this. It is memories/images of places i have been, films i have watched etc and also i have noticed that smells, noises etc can trigger a thought/image.

    i am feeling more disheartened because i do have the wateva attitude.

    Please could you let me know if you have had cases like this brought to you?

    I feel as if im being a pest.

    I found your site on google search.

    Take care.

  399. Joe 19th November 2010 at 6:00 pm - Reply

    Personally, I was never a big fan of the term “mental illness” when it was used about anxiety. I always thought, “Sure, it really sucks to feel this way and I might be stuck in a rut right now, but that doesn’t mean that I’ve come down with an illness.” In one way or another, everybody thinks there way into an anxiety condition; you do not think your way into the flu. And I think the stigma of anxiety being an illness, more often than not, helps people feel more powerless against it. I preferred to think of anxiety as being a natural bodily/emotional roller coaster ride, which I alone was ultimately responsible for. No outside influence caused it, and no outside influence perpetuated it (which is not the case with real illnesses). Feeling better again is a process–a process of breaking bad habits and, in the process, desensitizing yourself. It is learning how to handle stress, what to do about “what-if” thinkiing, and (in general) learning how NOT to worry. In short, it is about learning how to undo all the bad mental habits that got you into this anxiety-condition in the first place. I once heard a former sufferer say that he would not trade in his anxiety-ridden days for a million dollars because he learned so much from them. But, of course, he was sure to add, “But neither would I go back to them for all the money in the world.”

  400. Helen 19th November 2010 at 6:59 pm - Reply

    Hi Sara A,
    I know you posted to Paul but I am going to reply to your post as well tomorrow as I am going out now but I wanted you to know for now that I have experienced what you are going through and I will write a post that I am sure will put your mind at ease as it is actually a positive thing (I know it doesn’t feel like this for you at the moment at it is very unsettling) and it is a result of recovering from anxiety. For me, I knew this was a sign of recovery and I will explain tomorrow but please rest easy that you are not the only one x

  401. Sydney Carton 19th November 2010 at 7:49 pm - Reply

    I suffered a minor breakdown last May due to caring for an aged mother, an aged aunt and personally undergoing surgery. This has resulted in a 7 month period of anxiety with little respite. I did, however, experience 4 wonderful weeks of ‘normality’ which ended 2 weeks ago as a weekend holiday loomed. I seem to be back in the DP and DR cycle and although I am living my life and going places there is little improvement and I seemed locked in a parallel universe. The usual symptons apply – feeling outside of reality, nothing, such as the time of day or current events seem to register, surroundings/people which should be familiar seem strange – most of you know the story. The dark November days don’t help either. The acting is fooling everyone except my wife who regularly witnesses the mask slipping. I was fortunate, through length of service, to retire early and I wonder now whether this was a good or a bad thing. The unoccupied mind has too much freedom. Sometimes I get flashes of reality which feel raw and automatically I recoil into the DP/DR cocoon. It is a shame that I didn’t spot the build up of stress earlier in the year but I have a history of worrying for England and certainly didn’t see this coming. Does anyone agree that there should be Olivier Awards for anxiety sufferers? Meanwhile head down and try to relax into whatever comes along. Great supportive site Paul – you are a Godsend in the true sense of the word.

  402. Sara A 19th November 2010 at 9:52 pm - Reply

    hiya Helen,
    Thankyou so much, really look forward to your post.
    🙂
    xxx

  403. Paul David (Admin) 19th November 2010 at 10:23 pm - Reply

    Joe I think the term mental illness is hardly used with anxiety and certainly not by me, never have, never will, I refer to it as a condition.

    My reference above is how friends would not understand or have time to understand anxiety when they question all forms of mental illness, basically anything outside of the norm they don’t understand. It is certainly not a mentall illness, more a learnt behaviour/condition that is very reversable.

    Sara I will let Helen answer and then add my own thoughts, it’s getting late here at the minute and time for bed. Sometimes it is hit and miss if I get back to a post as sometimes I log in once a day, then it can be 4-5 days and most posts I have missed, I probably only get to read 25% of posts. I then tend to pick one out that I believe will help the majority or I think needs expanding on. That is why it is so helpful that others advise and support others.

  404. Matt 19th November 2010 at 10:37 pm - Reply

    Paul or anyone else just wondering if anybody else experiences anxiety like I do or am I alone on this? Please refer to my post from November 17th, 2010 at 12:16 am

    I also have the disturbing thoughts but as mentioned earlier my main concern in the mental slowness/confusion.

  405. Kat 19th November 2010 at 10:39 pm - Reply

    Thank you Helen, Hawkeye and Sara for your continued support and encouragement. Honestly, I don’t know what I’d do without it! I took your words to heart and had a nice day with my husband. There weren’t any fireworks, but instead we had a nice, calm afternoon, having a quiet lunch together and doing a bit of holiday shopping. It wasn’t until the the end of the afternoon that any of the doubts popped up, but I’m doing my best to take them as they come and try not to give them too much respect.

    What amazes me is how anxiety has affected every area of my life. First, it made me afraid to leave the house or drive a car, then I stopped wanting to work, then I basically became afraid to move for fear any sudden action would bring on an onslaught of terror. Now, it seems to be attacking my relationship and for some reason, instead of seeing it as just another outlet, I really came to believe that things were ‘wrong’ here. Thank you for the reassurance, especially since I haven’t seen much written on this particular symptom. I really felt like it was an independent issue!

    Paul, I found your wonderful site after a few hours of scouring the internet for a site that wasn’t promising miracles or asking for hundreds of dollars to combat anxiety and panic. I believe I used Google, though it was a couple of years ago. I immediately put it on my ‘favourites’ list for two reasons: 1)the way you write about your experiences is written in a way that is totally relatable, and I think I may have even cried with relief when I started to go through your posts, and 2) the fact that you continue to support people with this problem, by constantly offering reassurance and wisdom, asking for nothing in return, is far more genuine than anything else I’ve encountered while seeking a solution to my problem.

    The biggest reason, though, is that you are recovered, and that people like Scarlet and Helen are recovered, and that you all come back to extend a lifejacket to those of still struggling to keep afloat. For the first time in ten years, I’ve come to truly believe that recovery is possible, thanks to all of you.

    Much love to all,

    Kat

  406. Mike H 20th November 2010 at 6:52 am - Reply

    Sydney.

    You may find this very comforting. Hopefully some others will realte or be able to understand it.

    Yes, the parallel universe thing is a feeling that comes with depersonalization. You put it perfectly when you said that the time of day doesn’t seem to register. I have had this for almost a year now (after a breakdown). And day time just looks different. There’s no way to explain it to anybody without them thinking you aren’t making sense. It is like you used to be alive and do stuff during the day but now you are REALLY SEEING THE DAY. The blue sky looks different. It’s the same but some how dull, or cartoonish. Faces look weird for me, but most of the time i can ignore it. The night doesn’t ever feel weird for me, maybe because I just like the lower lighting. I am 23 and cannot imagine living like this for soo many more years. Anyways, I experience times when I do not feel out of sync with life, when I am not analyzing people and the way life looks…and that is how I know I’m recovering. It encourages me that I will be completely healed one day. I am going out and living my life, going to work at two jobs actually. I figured it’s better to work two easy part time jobs then one terribly stressful office job. it seems to work alright.

    Yes, Depersonalization/Derealization is the scariest thing I have ever experienced but it is getting better.

    I like what you say: The unoccupied mind has too much freedom. In a way I wish that I could always be studying something or drawing or playing an instrument or whatever. But there’s always times when you just have to be unoccupied, like at work and when your just not in the mood.

  407. Paul David (Admin) 20th November 2010 at 11:57 am - Reply

    Kat says: Paul, I found your wonderful site after a few hours of scouring the internet for a site that wasn’t promising miracles or asking for hundreds of dollars to combat anxiety and panic. I believe I used Google, though it was a couple of years ago. I immediately put it on my ‘favourites’ list for two reasons: 1)the way you write about your experiences is written in a way that is totally relatable, and I think I may have even cried with relief when I started to go through your posts, and 2) the fact that you continue to support people with this problem, by constantly offering reassurance and wisdom, asking for nothing in return, is far more genuine than anything else I’ve encountered while seeking a solution to my problem.

    Kat there are a lot of ‘miracle cure’ get rich quick guys out there that don’t like me because the site has become so popular and it is stepping on their toes and offering something that wont strip your bank balance or offer stupid predications that cannot possibly happen and it is bound to take away a lot of sales for them and they don’t like that.

    I also get numerous emails every month from site owners to put there products on my site and we will go half on the profits, I turn them all down and will never have any affiliate products or adverts on my site, it’s not what I am here for and I could not sleep at night endorsing and making money out of useless products to vulnerable people. I spent a small fortune in my early days and it still irks me at some of the things I was told would help and useless treatments I was given.

    One guy who I spoke with a few years back paid £25 an hour to speak with the owner of a well known site, he spent £5,000 as he was so desperate, he then ran out of money and rung the guy up and was told told tough and then completely ignored. I can’t mention the site, but I know who it was and how that person who claims to care can sleep at night is beyond me. There are some genuine people out there on the net and most are on my email list, there the true people I respect.

    Paul

  408. Helen 20th November 2010 at 1:52 pm - Reply

    Hi Sara A,
    Anxiety as we all now in mainly future based as we feel fear and try and work out what it is that is causing it. Thoughts come into your head, the ‘what if’s’ the ‘am I’s’ and you spend your time trying to control what you think, fighting the thoughts and avoiding situations that make you feel so terrible. You try to control your present so that it benefits you in the future.
    I also experienced what you are going through where anxiety pulls you backwards. For me, this was because I had learnt to accept that I can’t control what happens to me in the future and I was feeling more content with just living my life the way I want to and know that whatever life throws at me I can handle, however; I still felt odd.
    I then started having dreams about people I hadn’t seen in years, people that never really meant much to me. I would experience flashback type episodes during the day, smells would set my heart pounding and I couldn’t work it out. This frightened me just as much as my future based anxiety did as I wasn’t consiously thinking these things, they were just popping up in my head. This was new to me and it set me off trying to work out why this was happening, did something happen in my past that has made me an anxious person? It was relentless and I felt more and more drained as I thought I had come so far in my anxiety recovery. Then something in my thinking just changed. I was going though this for one of two reasons:
    1. Something did happen in my past that made me this way and if it did it was good that this was happening to me as it meant that I would have to face it and deal with the issue.
    2. I really am recovering, my mind is clearing and I am allowed to have memories, I am allowed my own thoughts (something I didn’t have for a long time).
    When I realised this, I stopped trying to work it all out and slowly anxiety died.
    The types of thoughts you have and the trigger are irrelevant Sara, it is how you react to them that makes you anxious. Your attitude towards them ALWAYS has to be the same. Don’t react, don’t analyse, don’t fight just let them be. You know this is anxiety, it can be nothing else and you are recovering.
    Don’t be frightened Sara, there is an end in sight, I promise just don’t try and race towards it. Let your thoughts sit beside you, whatever they are and however they are triggered.

    All the best
    Helen

  409. Sydney Carton 20th November 2010 at 2:15 pm - Reply

    Mike H
    Thanks for writing. It is always comforting to know that you are not alone with your ‘condition’. I am 64 and thus far have had a happy life punctuated only occasionally with bouts of reactive anxiety/depression. Paul’s book has been a life saver and I dip into it whenever I feel isolated or spaced out.

  410. Sydney Carton 20th November 2010 at 2:31 pm - Reply

    Sorry Mike H et al
    I pressed the submit button too soon – put it down to agitation or something. I’ll write again when my wife (who is sitting at the table behind me) has finished rustling paper and wrapping Christmas presents. All I would say for the present, Mike, is things will get better for you and I can assure you that as far as I am concerned my long good times have easily outweighed the short bad ones.

  411. Ian 20th November 2010 at 3:44 pm - Reply

    Helen – your posts are so helpful at present (can’t pretend I haven’t been here this week, despite Joe’s advice…)

    I found my way here via google, probably searching for something like fear of thoughts or something. The bit on depersonalisation really struck me when I got here, something that I felt I have had on and off for a long time and never understood or even really perhaps associated with anxiety. Despite having had this for a very long time, thinking I understoond ‘anxiety’ simply because of experience and even being recommended a Claire Weekes book from my first (uselss) psychotherapist over 20 years ago, there has always been that fear of ‘madness’, or something ‘else’. The comprehensiveness of experience here is brilliant Obvioulsy as is the whole attitude/approach of the site/Paul.

  412. Terri 20th November 2010 at 4:10 pm - Reply

    Sorry,

    I hit the submit button before finishing.

    I could tell that I was improving with ups and downs along the way and I’m far better off than I was 4 months ago but, I’m experiencing tension in the back of my neck and head. It’s been constant everyday from the time I wake until I go to bed at night. It’s like a migraine headache in the back of your head. Is this part of my anxiety or do I need to have my neck checked. I’m constantly wanting adjust and crack my neck. Will this go away in time or do I need to see G.P.?

    Thanks Paul. I pray for you daily.

  413. ken 20th November 2010 at 5:29 pm - Reply

    I read the book and it helped me a lot i seen so many docs its not funny .I’m doing better but my morning are hard. i wake with strong attacks try to just let them burn off but it takes hr’s .Was wondering if this is the norm in my recovery? Odd i use to be a morning person loved my mornings was the only time i got the house to myself.

  414. Helen 20th November 2010 at 7:13 pm - Reply

    Hi Ian,
    When I first found this site and Paul’s book, I was desperate. I wasn’t sleeping as I found I was so scared of waking up and feeling so awful that I couldn’t sleep. I did manage to get to work everyday and how nobody knew what I was going through, I have no idea as my sight and hearing were badly affected due to depersonalisation/derealisation. It wasn’t that I was ever ashamed of what I was going through, I just couldn’t explain it, how could I? I had lived with this for so long that when I read the book I realised straight away that what I was reading was right as nothing else had ever worked, not constantly looking inside myself for answers, not looking at other people for answers, not fighting what I was thinking, not going to the doctors as I thought I was ill, absolutely nothing.
    During my recovery I rarely came to the site or re-read the book as I had been provided with what I needed to do. I knew, even at my worst that I am the answer, it was up to me to just let go and accept what was happening. I also knew that I could not feel any worse than I did so why not give it shot.
    If this site provides you with comfort then there is absolutley nothing wrong with that so long as you don’t rely on it. I am not saying you are but if you rely on something then it becomes a crutch and you loose sight of what you really need to do to recover. I think that is what Joe was saying.
    I am glad you are find the post’s helpful and I look forward to the day when you are posting to help others.

    All the best
    Helen

  415. Joe 20th November 2010 at 8:38 pm - Reply

    I hear ya, Paul. My post wasn’t directed at you. Obviously you don’t think anxiety is a mental illness. I just saw the words and remembered how awful and helpless I felt during the early period when I really did think that I was mentally ill. I even had a psychiatrist try to convince me of that once, and for about a month she succeeded. Terrible.

  416. yolande 21st November 2010 at 4:34 am - Reply

    Helen,

    Thank you for your reply to my post last week.

    I wonder if you or anyone for that matter, have ever felt really tired sometimes like you just have no energy to do anything. some of this could be due to disinterest but mainly i just ache all over. maybe my work is quite hectic so it affects a little but i am not sure if others experience this too? Usually on weekends i am too tired to do anything but lie there – i am a bit worried as i am not sure if this is due to a symptom of anxiety or just a normal day to day thing?

    sometimes i still feel a little numbed like in my mind – but i just keep going over the text until i get it.

    Cany anyone advise?

    Scarlet, if you do come on, wud appreciate your comments too.

    thanks all

  417. yolande 21st November 2010 at 4:38 am - Reply

    Hi Paul,

    Just reading the old mails and I stumbled upon your site while googling – what a life saver it has been for me. Before I got to your site however, I did join a few other forums but after a while I gave them up.

    Thanks for setting up this site!

  418. natalie 21st November 2010 at 8:04 am - Reply

    hi helen
    just wanted to say what a wonderful way to explain the thoughts to sara, it made so much sense and i presume you are fully recovered and still wanting to help others, which is something i find a lot of recovered people do.. just shows there is so much hope and help out there. i am at the moment struggling with past thoughts and emotions. my anxiety started after a stressful year with my husband splitting up getting back to gether etc, i find that when we have a fall out or i think he acts like hes being distant it brings up all there emotions again and i feel angst. sometimes i think maybe easier to walk away and then i won’t have this daily onslaught but maybe i giving in to the anxiety. the part about it is not the trigger or the thoughts that are important but your reaction really hit home. i know it will take time because he is my partner the emotions are very strong but i need to trust int he now and not fear the what ifs, even if the worst thing happens i will handle it.. i’ll handled all the stuff so far 🙂 x thankyou helen.. thankyou for sharing your knowledge and keeping this site positive. i will try what you say.. and even if at first it doesn’t seem to make a difference .. i know that eventually it will start to shift my attitude xx luv to you all life is a gift its just at the moment we cannot see that because of the symptoms xxx

  419. natalie 21st November 2010 at 8:10 am - Reply

    ps .. does anyone have days were they just feel sad and like they want to cry for no particular reason?? i don’t knwo if this is usual or if i am being a wuss !! but i try just go go with it and tell myself i just emotionally tired..is this right?? xx questions questions .. lol

  420. sasha 21st November 2010 at 12:05 pm - Reply

    Hi Natalie

    I had some days wherein i feel very low, doesnt have the energy to pull myself to go and do anything..even sadder is the fact that it demotivates me to do the things which i have done easily the previous day..i believe its all part and parcel of anxiety as it affects our mood quite a lot.
    the difference between a normal person having thoughts and an anxious person having thoughts is we have umpteen number of thoughts all pulled in one direction…with a negative touch attached to each thought..

    we can do only one thing…when we are on our way to recovery we start having our own thoughts after a long break…! seems new for a while…
    thoughts wil pop up in abundance…we may get carried away without our knowlege as we started to have our own thoughts and now its a flow…but jus remind yourself that its all anxiety that the mind is juggling with a lot of thoughts..let it….u will be able to not take it seriously when u tell urself its anxiety and nothing else and carry on..

    it happened to me that sometimes i get carried away with these thoughts that i hardly notice reacting to these thoughts…i guess thats when my mood sulks big time…!

    i have to tell myself each time its just anxiety thoughts..it will pop up..so dont worry..i differenciate myself from the thoughts…

    and Natalie dont worry about being emotionally flat..it happens…because our mind is so overworked n its tired as u said it cannot pull itself to the world outside for a while.its taking rest..it will be bak after a while…
    its an up and down journey…until u reach the other end

  421. Helen 21st November 2010 at 12:59 pm - Reply

    Hi Yolande,
    Yes, I used to get very tired, still do, everyone does but you have to remember that you are recovering from anxiety and doing nothing is not helpful, it isn’t for anyone whether they have anxiety or not.
    I know how exhausting dealing with anxiety is but don’t give in to it. If you feel like not doing much, go for a walk to the park, sit on a bench and people watch for while, go and have a cup of tea in cafe but don’t allow anxiety to disconnect you from the outside world. Outside stimulus is a brilliant thing, as you can allow your thoughts to come to you and let them be there but they become diluted with things that are going on around you. If you are lying in bed in familiar surroundings all you focus on are the thoughts and you will undoubtedly feel more tired.
    Get out there even when you are knackered. I forced myself to go to the gym mainly as a test at first to see if I really was shattered (I never was) and I always came home feeling better.
    The best way to recharge your batteries when suffering from anxiety is to do physical exercise, not necessarily pumping iron at the gym but going for a walk, hoovering the house, anything that gets you moving.

    All the best
    Helen

  422. Sara A 21st November 2010 at 3:27 pm - Reply

    Hiya Helen

    Thankyou so much for the post. It has been comforting for me and i have more belief that i will get better.
    I have been through alot in my life – it has always made me want to run before i could walk but this is a scenario that i know i cant rush through.
    My baby is due in 10weeks so i know that my hormones again will change but this i have no control over.
    I seem to be going through a phase today in which words that i read catch my attetion and stick around. I think this has been brought up by others on this site.
    This process of recovery isnt easy is it? It does take alot of will power.
    Is it also normal to have thought straight after thought? i could have 10 in 20secs. Is it because i dismiss them that i get another one straight away?
    Hope so.
    You seem to be such a strong person to give the knowledge that you have to people. I eventually want to do the same. – in time of course 🙂

    XXX take care XXX

  423. mark 21st November 2010 at 4:40 pm - Reply

    Hello,

    I took Geoff’s advice from above and it seems to be pretty effective. Thanks for that Geoff.

    Anyway, I have a question for those who doubt and question everything. My doubting has become so intertwined in who I am that I question things like it’s my second nature. For example, a thought will appear saying “Mark, it’s important to accept thoughts for what they are.” Then, for no reason, a voice will appear and say “But what if you are doing it wrong….” It’s EXTREMELY draining because instead of just having faith in a way to recovery, but brain is always throwing out a slew of “What if you’re doing it wrong….what if this isn’t the right way…, etc.” and I listen to it. The reason I listen to it is because the questions make logical sense.

    So my question is How do I handle this situation? Every time a doubt arises or a What If, I want to yell STOP!! From a post a few days ago, Geoff mentioned using this stop technique. It seems to work for the most part. However, I’m wondering if it’s the correct technique because I’m not “accepting” my thoughts. Instead, I’m demanding them to stop. (Now of course, I realize I DOUBTED Geoff’s technique, which is my problem). But it’s so difficult to discern which is the correct method to use. By throwing out WHAT IFs, I start to automatically overanalyze the situation and try to figure out what to use. I get completely stuck. If I could have faith in what to do, then I believe I would get out of this rut.

    If someone could lend some advice on this doubting and questioning, I would be very appreciative. Thank you.

  424. Amanda 21st November 2010 at 5:10 pm - Reply

    Hi all , i am really struggling with a symptom of anxiety AGITATION i find it really hard to deal with , im doing fairly well over all and going back to work this week ,like today i was in a shop with my partner and he was looking at an item and i just stood there mind blank as if i didnt know what i was supposed to do very uncomfortable feeling ,i get when im in a conversation aswell as if i dont know what to say is this just down to a tired mind ? would really appreciate any advice hope everyone is doing ok Mark i found if i just let the doubting and questioning carry on in my mind and say to it carry on all you want im not bothered any more seems to work for me and then think about other things or do something the thoughts doubting and questioning may still be there but ignore them hard i know i used to struggle with this when i first suffered anxiety but just let it your mind ramble it will eventually get better i can promise you that

  425. Ian 21st November 2010 at 5:45 pm - Reply

    Helen (Joe) – you are correct, I am relying on this site, on reassurance, this is obvious to me, as it is perhaps to you. Hopefully you won’t have the opportunity to remind me of this again anytime soon. As you suggested Helen, nothing at all has come close to Paul’s written experience and to this site to help understand the breadth of the experience of (my) anxiety and what it means (or doesn’t mean!)- nothing. Thanks.

    Ian

  426. Paulina 21st November 2010 at 9:51 pm - Reply

    HI All. I am kind of new to the BLog, I posted my story on the “obssesive thoughts” blog. I have been suffererin with anxiety for about two months.. before that I had panic attacks and was started to ve super concern and worried about health issues.. specially my heart. I have been reading posts here and I also bought Paul’s book which I could say it was my life saver.

    ALtough, one of the things that I will think usually is if there is anyone out there cured from this awful “condition”. what i mean is that, i get a little sad thinking that I was fine and normal six months ago and now panic and anxiety has destroyed my life. I really dont want to imagine having to “cope” or “get used to” living with it.

    I have been trying to put everything into practice but I am still so conscius of myself and my thinking that get tough to get distracted by other things.

    I feel positive about this.. eventhough the obssesive scary thoughs, constant anticipation, and scared of suffering from health issues are on my everyday routine.

    I read some posts from Helen and the made me feel more enthusiastic about this.

    Paulina.

  427. Eileen 22nd November 2010 at 9:32 am - Reply

    Hello all, suppose I am looking for reassurance again….

    Found this site and Pauls book in October 2009, after posing the question ‘will anxiety ever go away’? Have been trying to follow the advice, although not always found it easy..

    Took early retirement last December, from a very demanding nursing job, as the anxiety episodes were becoming more frequent and made it difficult to give 100% to the job. Since then have been busy with childminding, yoga, art classes etc etc, all to keep me busy and my mind occupied.

    The anxiety symptoms never seem to go away completely, and this past 2 months have been quite bad. I am waking up with the usual churning, sicky feeling which is lasting all day, and the headache and lightheadedness.

    Had a bout of flu last week which didn’t help.. Am continuing to try and follow the guidance. Get up, shower{always put on make up , as it makes me look slightly human!!} and try and occupy myself as much as possible. Suppose at this time of the year everyone is busy, anticipating Christmas, and I feel stuck in this anxiety rut once again.At the moment feels like a never ending roller coaster which i want to ger off and live normal life again..

    I am trying hard to get ‘acceptance’ of this condition, and live my life as fully as possible, but I am finding it difficult at present with the never ending symptoms. Anyone got any words of wisdom, for a believer who is wandering a little?

    Thank you. E

  428. Helen 22nd November 2010 at 1:53 pm - Reply

    Hi Eileen,
    You need patience, that’s all. Keep living a full life as you are but don’t TRY and accept anxiety. If you are trying too hard you are putting yourself under pressure. You need to get to a point where accepting just comes naturally and it will, you are doing everything right by the looks of it. You are getting up and getting on with your day even when you aren’t feeling great. Just carry on, accept that you have woken up with that churning feeling and that it is anxiety. The minute you start to think ‘will this ever go away?’ or ‘will I ever live a normal life again’ you give in to it and impatience sets you into a vicious circle of inward thinking.
    This will go away but you need to allow it to, it looks like you are doing a brilliant job so far so pat yourself on the back and let anxiety hang around until it becomes bored of being ignored.

    All the best
    Helen

  429. Paul David (Admin) 22nd November 2010 at 2:12 pm - Reply

    Amanda Says:

    November 21st, 2010 at 5:10 pm e

    Hi all , i am really struggling with a symptom of anxiety AGITATION i find it really hard to deal with , im doing fairly well over all and going back to work this week ,like today i was in a shop with my partner and he was looking at an item and i just stood there mind blank as if i didnt know what i was supposed to do very uncomfortable feeling ,i get when im in a conversation aswell as if i dont know what to say is this just down to a tired mind ? would really appreciate any advice hope everyone is doing ok Mark i found if i just let the doubting and questioning carry on in my mind and say to it carry on all you want im not bothered any more seems to work for me and then think about other things or do something the thoughts doubting and questioning may still be there but ignore them hard i know i used to struggle with this when i first suffered anxiety but just let it your mind ramble it will eventually get better i can promise you that

    The ‘Mind blank’ is very common with anxiety Amanda and is something I suffered with, I would regularly have these moments, mainly when chatting with someone that I did not know well, but it could just happen.

    It is just an off shoot of anxiety and there is no real answer to ‘not’ have these moments, but things can help. If anyone anxiety free met a film star, the queen or someone who do public speaking for the first time, they would probably also have the same experience as they would be anxious, it is a psychological change through stress that causes these moments.

    When anxiety leaves you then so does this symptom, so it is again about not making an issue out of these moments, I tried not to baulk away or let these moments throw me and did’nt try to force clear thinking, if my mind went blank when in conversation I would just carry on the best I could and not become concerned by it, this seemed to relax me and it did help.

    I was always better around people I knew as I was less anxious, which proved to me it was all about my stress levels. I also noticed that I was anxious about having these moments when meeting others and this seemed to bring it on more, which makes sense now, so I basically just dropped the subject, if I had these moments then fine, if not that was fine also, it was no longer going to be an issue.

  430. sasha 22nd November 2010 at 2:22 pm - Reply

    Hi Geoff & Mark

    ”This isn’t the same as ‘fighting your symptoms’ – anxiety symptoms being things like; churning stomach, sweaty palms, panic feelings etc. These symptoms are the result of adrenaline – they need to be understood and accepted, because any attempt to fight against them will release more adrenaline and only make them worse. Whereas a habit of negative thinking needs to be understood and challenged, because negative thoughts left unchecked simply lead into a downward spiral of your mood.

    I also wanted to say something about that “internal, obsessive dialogue” you mentioned… as this is something I’ve been bogged-down with myself. This actually serves no useful purpose, and simply spoils your enjoyment of your day. It needs to be stopped as it’s draining mental energy which you need for productive purposes (try googling ’stop ruminating’ for some useful techniques).”

    Thanks Geoff..i could very well relate to this..as it isnt any anxiety symptoms thats bothering me..its the relentless negative thinking thats bothering me..

    some days when i dont consciously put a STOP to these negative thinking by rational thoughts it seems to go on and on……i mean being AWARE of it that its on a negative track…it helps me sometimes to not get carried away..
    these thoughts pop up because we have underlying anxiety
    i guess i should affirm positive statements in mind each time and acknowlege its anxiety based hence i dont feel the need to analyse them..

    what do u usually do when ur mind starts negative talking about urself?

  431. MLK 22nd November 2010 at 3:56 pm - Reply

    Hi Everyone, I had been doing better for about a couple weeks, feeling positive and not thinking too much about anxiety, but recently I have become more anxious. I have been driving myself mad by overanalyzing EVERY little thing in regards to my physical health. The other day at work, I had a distortion in my vision, and I had a panic attack. Its like this immediate thought process that shoots straight to the worst case scenario. I thought I had a brain tumor or that I was going to die. I went to the eye doctor in which he told me that it was an ocular migraine. NOTHING SERIOUS and QUITE COMMON. He also told me that stress can definitely bring it on. I recently have been told by my boyfriend that I have been grinding my teeth more at night. Like to the point that he got me a mouthguard. And what do ya know?? STRESS AND ANXIETY are a big reason as to why people grind their teeth in their sleep. I guess what my question is, for anyone that can answer, will these physical symptoms reside as I learn to relax and not put so much emphasis on my anxiety?? I drive my parents mad by calling them and having them tell me that it is nothing serious and that it is my anxiety. At the time, I really think that something is wrong with me, so it is almost impossible to convince me otherwise! Also, I have been feeling more “spacey” that usaul…driving home the other day and a wave of panic hit me when I suddenly felt odd in my head. As I type all this out, I can see this pattern, but nontheless, it is so hard to think rationally when I am at an anxious peak! Just looking for some words of encouragement! Thanks 🙂

  432. Wayne 22nd November 2010 at 5:45 pm - Reply

    Just read some posts from a few days ago. I found the site by google. Also, Paul I have to agree with you about how this condition is treated by doctors. When the anxiety first started for me I went to the emergency room twice within 5 days the doctors looked at me like I had two heads when I told them how I was feeling. Even the nurse who signed me in did not seem to understand. Then I went to my family doctor and he looked at me with that blank stare like I did not know what I was talking about. Then I found this site and took your advice and educated myself the best I could. I found myself when I went to the doctors telling him what I needed as opposed to being brushed off.

    I talk to friends who tell me how they feel and I know they are suffering from anxiety but their doctors just put them on medication or tell them to take time off work.

    More awareness is out there but I find the stigma still remains.

  433. Paul David (Admin) 22nd November 2010 at 7:26 pm - Reply

    Thanks Wayne, it seems the major reason is google for most then, just curious.

  434. Mark 22nd November 2010 at 8:59 pm - Reply

    Hi Sasha,

    To answer your question, when I start thinking very negatively, it’s very difficult to break the cycle. Sometimes I logically try to tell myself a positive uplifting thought, which can help to a certain extent. What I’ve noticed is that my negative thoughts usually keep coming, so you may end up “battling” yourself with negatives and positives, which can be frustrating.

    For the last couple days, I’ve taken advice on this blog by seeing the negative thought for what it is – as just a thought. I try to change my attitude to one of almost laughing at the thought. The thought isn’t even real (although it seems very real) – it’s only happening in your mind. So I don’t try to change or manipulate the thought, I don’t try to make it go away, I only try to change my ATTITUDE towards it. You really can’t control many thoughts from appearing, they do so automatically, but you can change your reaction to them. Instead of being so scared, try to take off a little of the edge by stepping back and kind of laughing or smiling at it – after all, it’s not even real, it just popped up out of nowhere. The more scared you are of the thought, and the more you recoil, the stronger the stranglehold it will have on you.

    Sasha, I’m also very new to this blog, and I’m also new to changing my habits. So if anyone else can comment on my opinion, then please I will take any help or criticism also. The main idea that has helped me is take the fear out of your thoughts. It’s such a challenge, but over time you will learn techniques and habits to help you. I only know this because I’m starting to learn some myself.

  435. Amanda 22nd November 2010 at 9:32 pm - Reply

    Thankyou for the advice paul , i also found your site through google, and Wayne it is so true about the stigma still remaining, i have suffered anxiety on and off for most of my life because of the lack of understanding and knowledge especially 24years ago when i first suffered there is more knowledge of anxiety now but i think that knowledge comes from the people who have suffered and its frustrating that the stigma still remains .

  436. Sara A 22nd November 2010 at 9:35 pm - Reply

    Hiya,

    Im stuck – something happened to me in my past and ive remembered it or my mind has chosen to and i cannot get rid of it. Or its because im so aware that ive had that thought that at every given minute im wondering if it will stay.
    Can someone please tell me that because im aware ive had this thought now that its normal to be fully aware. It was a very traumatic experiance for me at the time and i had left it behind. I could bring it up in my mind if i wanted to but now i am so so concious of it.
    I feel so silly asking for more reasurance but i dont know now where to go – when i had just got my head around my issue with random thoughts eg films, names etc. i obviously managed to put the traumatic event behind me back then so why not now?

    Ive been given so much great advice from others on here. But i just cant deal with this one.
    im sorry.

  437. Helen 22nd November 2010 at 10:18 pm - Reply

    Hi Sara,
    There are 2 issues here. One is the traumatic experience and one is your anxiety. You say you could bring up this experience in your mind if you chose to but now it seems like the thoughts are coming into your head without you choosing them and this is what is frightening you. Anxiety has found a great fear, a traumatic experience and the two coming together are horrendous.
    You have been through the traumatic experience and you know how terrible it was for you and you had left it behind and it may be something that you need to go back to as there may be things about what happened that you need to get straight in your mind but don’t be frightened that the thoughts are coming into your head involuntarily. You are fighting them, you don’t want them to be there, you don’t know why they are there and because of this the fear is building.
    If you stop fighting (and it will be very hard) you will come up with one of two possible answers:
    1. You may need to face your traumatic experience as there may be some unresolved issues. If this is so, it is a very good thing (it won’t feel like that for a while).
    2. Anxiety will pass (eventually). Also a very good thing!
    This is hard Sara, I have done it and for a while I truly thought I couldn’t take anymore but when you stop fighting, stop analysing and reacting the answers just come to you, whatever they may be. Have faith in yourself that you have the strength to get through what is happening because you do.

    All the best
    Helen

  438. Emma 23rd November 2010 at 6:14 am - Reply

    Hello Everyone!

    I am new to posting. First I want to say how thankful I am for everyone sharing their experiences with anxiety and I am also so thankful to Paul and his book. I posted this in the Obsessive Thoughts blog and already got some comfort and great advice but i figured I would post here because it is more active.

    I believe my anxity started about 8 months ago when I had my first panic attack. I didnt really understand what was happening to me , but I did get through it within about a month and started feeling like myself again; recently though (about 2 months ago) I had another panic attack and spiraled into the constant worry and thinking that somethiong else was wrong. I found Paul’s site and book last month and it has been an amazing tool and guide for coming through this! I know what is going on with my body and what anxiety truly is and I KNOW that has put me on the road to recovery!

    One thing I am struggling with now; which I see that many others do as well is the “questioning life” thoughts. I have been able to let so many other thoughts pass through and I no longer fear them but these “questioning why everything is here and what is the point , why am I not happy, what is happy….” type thoughts are hard for me to ignore. I also fear that I will have them forever as though it’s like since I have thought them now, how could I go on without questioning agian (even though I know I went 24 years without becoming obssessed with them…) I also have great moments where I begin to feel like my “normal” self but I then it’s like I don’t let myself because I still have “these thoughts and this anxiety…” I do keep on doing things I normally would do and more too because I know that is key but I just wish I could enjoy them more….

    I guess I am just looking for the reassurance that these thoughts like the others will fade as I give them their space and time…Sorry this post is not very uplifting and I know I am in setback right now (which I truly believe is a good thing because it is a sign of recovery..) I know I am on the right track but I guess I just need a little comfort that these “questioning life” thoughts will float/fade away in time. Has anyone else experienced this and have the thoughts eventually leave?

  439. Sara A 23rd November 2010 at 3:52 pm - Reply

    Hey Helen,

    I feel so sick about this whole experiance. Its proper yucky.
    Thankyou for the reply. I will continue to follow what you have said.
    I know it sounds silly but why does my mind seem to want to recall it again to check if the thought/image or whatever is still there? Is this a habit my mind has fallen into? I know that by it recalling it it gives it the respect – but its automatic.
    If the images arent in my head it already feels like they are there because i know i had them :S
    I’m getting on with everyday things but i am so so aware of how i have been feeling lately that at every moment im not 100% distracted my mind goes back to the anxious thoughts etc.

    How do you know when your making progress? I cant actually see it myself.
    I really dont want to be putting this all on you, it feels like im being unfair
    I know i will evetually have to go it alone, im just not ready yet.
    Take care of yourself

    Sara a

  440. Nick 23rd November 2010 at 4:55 pm - Reply

    Hi Guys,

    I have been posting on the other thread about scary thoughts quite a bit but wanted to update and ask Paul or others for some help here.

    My anxiety started about 6 monthes ago, after a panic attack, brought on from smoking some weed (which incidentally I hadn’t done for years).

    Initially I had DP and thoughts I was Mad/Crazy etc but these have completely dissipated. I have also never had a panic attack since, came close but just faced the feelings and they went away.

    Initially I was so anxious I would wake up with my heart beating out my chest everyday and a deep sense of worry and sadness. Things have DEFINITELY improved to the point where I almost feel normal. But now I seem to be stuck with these constant ‘questioning life’ thoughts that Emma mentions in her post. And they worry me so much.

    Mine are really apocalyptic, ‘Whats the point to my life’ ‘ Why am I even here’ ‘I have nothing to look forward too / to offer the world’ ‘I should just die’ ‘how will I cope with life and move past this’ ‘How will I ever be able to enjoy stuff again without worry and achieve stuff in my life’. Always the same…..they never change. And of course my attention is overly on myself although not as much as when this first happened.

    And It’s like they mask all the reasons I have to be thankful for life and put a dark cloud over all the amazing possibilities and joys life has to offer. I also get very nostalgic and have dark dreams.

    The problems is that after reading Pauls book and Claire Weekes I fully understand what I have to do and that these thoughts are trying to bluff me but I still start believing them and can’t seem to see past them. I have accepted the way I am for the moment, It’s just i’m still so worried. Some days much more than others, but even on good days the thoughts are still there it’s just their impact is not as severe. The only time they are not there is when my mind is occupied on a task, but then I am reminded of them when I am not occupied.

    I know I must face an accept and try and float past but again like Emma mentioned again , this ‘dark cloud’ I carry everywhere is just so unbearable. I was in a bit of a rut prior to this although would have never considered myself depressed or anything, but I just feel like I have no where to turn, It’s like I need some reassurance constantly and have none.

    I was running a lot when it first happened, getting up earlier and meditating too but my new routine seems to be slipping a bit. I just feel so far from seeing the stage where paul describes how he felt so thankful for life and all it’s joys.

    Hope others are well though, great to hear from people who have recovered too, gives us all hope. Just looking for some reassurance I guess.

    Regards,

    Nick

  441. peter 23rd November 2010 at 7:54 pm - Reply

    Sara A….I’ve been in a similar situation to you. My thoughts started off very benign with names, music etc getting stuck in my head. I started to cope with them and they got more volatile and disturbing including a traumatic experience involving my daughter. These would fly around in my head and really upset me, which raised the anxiety levels leading to more horrid thoughts. After much research I started to let them be, pay them no attention and they gradually subsided to a point where I no longer feared them and now I do not even think about them and some occasions I have actually laughed out loud at their absurdity. I will be honest it takes time but they will go. Please don’t do what I did and carry on reacting and making them worse. They love to feel important.

  442. natalie 23rd November 2010 at 8:38 pm - Reply

    hi just wanted to say a big thankyou to sasha, your response meant a lot to me and i have even took some of the statements and put them in my handbag in case i need that bit of reassurance. am still having higher levels of angst at the moment not helped by a so called therapist saying maybe my job is to stressful and i need to understand that i will worry that i have to manage my time and only do what i feel capable of. i am now doubting myself .. but if i understand paul that is giving in to angst and all jobs have some level of angst .. my kids are at school when i go and if i don’t feel like doing the housework or what ever i leave it or do in stages.. can anyone let me know if this is the right way of thinking or should as this lady says i give up my job (16 hours) with people i really feel comfortable with and get a mundane job to reduce my stress levels. i knew going back would probably affect me like this but hoped over time would get easier.. as i retrained my brain that i could manage.. i want to give the best to my boys and not be a stessed eric as it were lol x been feeling very tired and my head aches at the moment with all the stuff running around . i try to let be but somethings like this hang around

    thanks x

  443. Sara A 23rd November 2010 at 8:46 pm - Reply

    Hiya peter,

    Thankyou for sharing what you have gone through. I find letting the thoughts just be there the hardest. Today started off with the traumatic experiance and then shifted back to names ….as soon as i get to grips with one thing its something else again.
    How long did it take for you to see signs of improvement? I know everyone is different and it depends how long you have suffered.
    Because i am pregnant and don’t work i dont know how to fill my days.
    I think if i had a focus i might be able to see things differently.
    I will remember what you have said to me and persist with trying not to react. Your words have been encouraging. thankyou.

    Sara a

  444. CC 24th November 2010 at 12:28 am - Reply

    Major setback….. blah. Going to do my xmas shopping regardless. Im so tired.

    reading a book by Dale carnegie anyone read it – stop worrying start living? Its quite good, makes me feel beta that Benjamin Franklin had worrying problems!

    Sara – firstly congrats on being preganant so lucky 🙂 secondly – concentrate on your baby. Think of how lucky u are to have her/him. Have a schedule for ur days, wake up eat chill relax. Clean a bit. wash ursef (nice relaxing bath) and then have a task of the day. e.g. organising baby room, baby bag, Make urself a baby hamper of everything you will need. Pop on the internet and look for some baby coupons, etc etc Then go for a walk take a deep breath and just walk with no time limit or intention of going anywhere. See people talk laugh. A famous man said theres nothing better for the mind than religion, music and laughter.

    It took a while for me to start ”feeling better’ thats because I stopped waiting for it. I pretty much said im going to feel bad so thats it deal with it. you get the flu u feel bad, you break ur leg etc so treated this the same. I also kept a POSITIVE diary of things i was dong and things I wanted to do e.g. visit mexico one day, have my hair long and dark again, being a size 6 again!!!!! Believe me I had the worst thoughts going thru my head constantly, I thought I was never going to stop concentrating on me, but you do once you let it live with you. Enjoy your time off hun put ur feet up and if all else fails – watch friends it takes no thought just light hearted life 🙂

  445. A.L. 24th November 2010 at 10:49 am - Reply

    I just want to take a moment to thank Paul for his all his great blog posts. I lost a fellow band member, who was also my best friend ever in July totally unexpectedly. A couple of months later i had a complete nervous brakedown and was extremely anxious up until a couple of months ago when i came across pauls book. I at first was scared out of my mind as i had never experienced anything like that before, but after begining to read pauls book, he literally described everything in great detail exactly how I was feeling. I read the whole book from start to finish and immediately began to feel improvement, and am happy to say that even though I am not completely out of the woods, I have made significant recovery. I am beyond grateful to paul as it seemed like nobody understood what I was going through and I was losing faith fast. Paul has shown me the path that can eliminate suffering, and after going through what I have, I hope and pray that paul continues to spread the word and share his information, as Anxiety is truly terrifying, so to be shown even some hope to recover makes such a huge impact to a person suffering. Thank you so much again Paul.

    This recent post is so right about how you cant rush recovery. I have been having more and more good days, but recently I had a super strong fever and was layed out for about two days and after it subsided the anxiety hit me out of nowhere and I seemed to relapse into a bad spell again. Paul was also right about how after you have alot of good days in a row, its even harder to take the bad days creeping up on you again. But after reading this post it has really reassured me that it is just part of the process to be up and down and that you just have to relax and it will run its course.

    I have only had one panic attack since the breakdown, but the main things that seem to bother me are thoughts that analyze myself. I tend to all of a sudden become aware of my breathing, or my blinking or a clock ticking in the background and then i cant stop focusing on it, but then once I get doing something else or something fun and positive, it goes away till the next time. If i am not anxious and having a good day or days, the thoughts seem to just ricochet off me with little importance. But if its during a down time they seem to hit with such force and can cause a bit of bad feeling.

    Does anyone ever have the same things happen to them? Any suggestions?

    Either way, I am just so glad to have more normal and good days like I have been lately and whenever I recover, I recover. I totally agree with paul, no time limits or importance on recovery time. Compared to how I was when I first started, I will forever be grateful. Thank you again Paul, it means the world, you have truly helped me and I am now helping anyone else I come across that seems to be suffering. Please continue to help people and inform everyone with your awesome info and insight, it really does help! 🙂

  446. Sara A 24th November 2010 at 11:34 am - Reply

    Hiya CC,

    aww thankyou for the post! It’s lovely to get input from others.
    Your right – this is my first successful pregnancy, i havent got long to go and there is quite alot that needs to be done. I’m having a little girl so it will make shopping alot more exciting!! I will also have to get the paint brushes out – moving house before christmas. I thought also about going back to writing in my diary but i guess i thought i would have nothing positive to say when the days are bad. I will make only a POSITIVE diary.
    sounds like we have abit in common – fitting into my size 6 clothes again! All in good time – quite nice to be able to eat the naughty stuff hehe.
    Also got to plan for my 21st birthday!

    Have fun doing youur christmas shopping! Let me know if there are any bargains out there 🙂

    Take care and thankyou again. Hope to hear back.
    xxx

  447. Paul David (Admin) 24th November 2010 at 12:32 pm - Reply

    Sara, I see something in you that can hold you back ‘Don’t build your life around recovering’ you mentioned the other day ‘How long does it take to see improvements?’ Don’t demand or watch progress, just let it happen, don’t put time demands on it.

    I have said it many times in the past, but I went through all sorts of symptoms, my whole day would be all about trying to break it down, figure out why I felt this way, what would help, getting so frustrated as nothing was working, it was all a waste of time, I should have just dropped the subject and got on with my day, but I did not know that at the time, I was sure the answer was to go over and over until I had that eureka moment.

    At night I felt like I was floating when I shut my eyes, my ears would ring, I felt detached, my mind raced and much more. I eventually learnt to go with the ‘craziness’ and whatever it brought on, it brought. I still disliked the way I felt, but I stopped trying to ‘fix’ it by internal dialogue, I stopped the need for an answer and explanation for everything and recovery came to me, I truly stopped looking for it, it was like swimming without arm bands for the first time.

    Don’t feel the need to stay on top of it, to understand everything, don’t keep reaching out for reassurance, the anxious mind will soon pick up on something else anyway.

    Once we have a better understanding and more knowledge on the subject, we don’t need to over complicate it after that, too many do. They want to know why they feel this symptom, that symptom, what this means? Is this something else, it never ends. This can be when we first discover information on anxiety, we feel the need to know everything, our thirst for knowledge increases and we want to leave no stone unturned.

    Take a break from the blog when you feel the need, have a few days off, pack some living in and drop the subject for a while. If you want to come back for a little support or to read a new post then do so, you will probably find it easier to take on board, your mind wont be as clogged up and the information will sit more easy.

    Try not to over complicate recovery, don’t watch or demand progress and have some time outs and trust in yourself.

    Paul

  448. Si 24th November 2010 at 4:17 pm - Reply

    Paul,

    I have just been to see a physciatrist (GP refered me). It came across to me that he had little or no interest in my condition, infact it stated that he felt I didn’t need his help due to the fact that the condition is not actually causing me problems like not being able to work, ect…..

    On one hand I was relieved because I didn’t want to go and come away with some LABEL that I would find even more difficult to handle… im sue people will relate to this but I thought I was gonna be given the new fasionable “You’ve got Bi-polar” diagnosis. On the other hand I still have issues of low moods and don’t believe my meds are making any difference.

    I get moments when I feel almost 90% normal, but then all of a sudden I remind myself that I still have this dreaded condition. A previous therapist did not agree with the CBT I was having and I also agree that this did not seem to help, all it did was make me think even harder to work out why I was how I was. This therapist suggested I get up in the morning, rub my hands together and “ACT AS IF”. It works for a little while but my moods still dictate my feelings if that makes sence.

    I believe I have got alot better over rescent months especially dropping the therapists ect and totally using your method and nothing else, and if i look back, some of my fears are no longer fearfull which is a good thing I hope you agree.

    My main problem is that when I get low I cannot help but get very tearful, although this does eliviate the tention a little, it makes me more frustrated that I cannot control my imotions.

    What is your view on “acting as if”? again I can do this sometimes at a push but I question it almost as soon as i realise I feel normal.

    Thanks
    Si

  449. Sara A 24th November 2010 at 5:23 pm - Reply

    Hiya Paul,

    I completley understand where you are coming from now. Thankyou for getting back to me. So yes i will take a break from the blog and see how i get on. I have always been one for needing constant reasurance but i realise there is nothing anyone can do for me – it comes from within.
    Everyone is so lovely on here and it is such a positive place 🙂
    I am grateful to have found your site and have your book. I can’t thank you enough.

    Hey everyone, keep going strong, look after yourselves. talk soon xXx

  450. Patrick 24th November 2010 at 6:18 pm - Reply

    Hi Paul,
    I have a question.
    At the moment I seem to fight or flee from everything.
    It goes like this:
    Unpleasant symptom–> automatic fight or flight–> realize I should accept. It’s like an inbuilt response to “push away” any though, feeling. Only when I am very relaxed does it go like this:
    expected unpleasant symptom–> accepting it, letting it in to do whatever it wants to do knowing it will leave just as sure as it came in.

    My problem is that I can’t relax that much during the day. Not because I have stressful days, I just can’t seem to relax. Not even when doing stress free chores at home.

    The days activities just seem to stack up on each other, I just get more tense and the only thing I can do is to “put up with” at the moment. Its been like this for a couple of months now and every time I try to let go I just go into “putting up with mode”.
    Please do you have any advice on what I’m doing wrong?
    Thank you
    /Patrick

  451. sasha 24th November 2010 at 7:10 pm - Reply

    Hi Si,

    Let me just put my thoughts across…I guess u have come into terms with the fearfull thoughts or irrational thoughts that it is only anxiety thoughts and could brush it aside more easily..but after getting over scary thoughts u are reminded that once u had this condition so this thought brings in a little fear in you and even when u r fine u are worried what if i get back into old habits..never mind Si..its just habits of our thoughts which got so wired into our brain..one thoughts preceeds another thoughts all in one direction..and after a while no wonder we feel so LOW..

    i had the same issues..I dont have any scary thoughts but because we had a pattern of thinking for so long..getting out of the bubble and facing the world afresh it takes a while i believe to get into that very ‘normal’ living…
    but dont worry..each time your mind reverts back or is feeling low..bring it to the present moment..its not ‘acting up’ its just that ur acknowleging that ur mind is on a negative track which will only drain your energy so you are focusing ur attention on the present moment as there is no point in relentless thinking…u can notice moments when we are feeling low is mostly when we are thinking about our past..or what could happen to our future or on some unnecessary things..

    after going through such a lot of emotional upheaval now i realise y it hit me when people around me are fine..
    1) firstly we analyse a lot even when we were normal..i feel if we analyse beyond a limit its not going to bring any positive impact because we go into all what ifs and why’s

    2)we have a constant internal dialogue going on most of the time even when are with the world…dont give too much of attention to it ..or let it be there but focus on the outside or the present moment..

    3) i think its a process of retraining our mindwith our new attittude..but we should be desciplined and have faith in it..that these low moods are all part of anxiety in itself..it doesnt matter what i think..if something doesnt feel nice for my wellbeing i’m taking my attention to teh present moment…its not denial as u understand later most of the thoughts our created by our own mental frame..rigth now being a negative one..dont bother..let it chatter.that not me anyways…

    we feel that we are depressed sometimes ..let me tell you something..when i felt that way my mind came with umpteen number of things which made my belief ‘seems’ to be right and i feel thats me..what can i do? but now i realise its just a thought and i reinforced each time it popped up giving it more and more control on me…
    so i changed my attittute( tried this for a long time and stil trying bcos sometimes get back into old habits) i considered that thought to be like any other irrational thought..i dint deny it neither did i agree to it..i said to myself..it will keeep blabbering..let it..i am going to do what i have to do for this day..i went ahead…as u said my low mood was predominant.but i thought whatever let me carry on…end of the day i felt good as in i felt i had a lil control over me than leaving my fate with the so calld ”thoughts”because i went ahead with my day…sometimes you have to take in the responsibility to live ur day…we can…!!!

  452. Michelle Z 24th November 2010 at 11:54 pm - Reply

    Hi Paul – I, too, found your website through Google. I searched “obsessive scary thoughts” and your site came up first. Initially, I only read the post on obsessive scary thoughts, but about a month ago or so I checked out the rest of your website and bought your book. After paying loads of money to a very well known (in the states) anxiety organization and not getting relief, I googled and found you. Although I slip up (and that’s why I came tonight for some support), I have had way more good times over the last month than bad times for which I am very grateful. I know I will “get it” fully one of these days and be one of the recovered people coming back just to support others. Thanks much!

  453. Paul David (Admin) 25th November 2010 at 10:15 pm - Reply

    Sorry the site has been down all day, I did not know until around 6 O’clock, it was a hosting problem that I have spent the last couple of hours trying to sort out. Anyway we are back 🙂

  454. Mark M 26th November 2010 at 10:08 am - Reply

    I just wanted to say one insight that’s really helped me recently. I don’t know if it’s already been covered here, and I don’t remember it specifically in the book (though Paul talks a lot about thoughts), but lately I’ve really started realizing the simple fact that I don’t HAVE to believe my anxious thoughts. It really just hit me like a ton of bricks, but I started not only being skeptical of my anxiety (about everything, being exhausted, not having enough to eat or enough money, being worthless etc.), but I also allowed myself to just stop believing almost anything my mind tells me.

    I cannot tell you the relief this has brought me, it analogizes to what Paul says about not having to “question” the thoughts and not giving them importance or analyzing them, but for some reason it felt different, it was like I had control over believing if an anxious thought was true or not, and I choose now to not believe nearly 80-90% of what my mind is telling me because it is so adrenalin charged and ready to jump at any small stimulus.

    I’ve had a ton of trouble sleeping, and I’ll start feeling anxious about it and have the thought “Why can’t I ever sleep? I’m just a person who has sleep problems and is destined to not be able to sleep” and thoughts like that, but now I am so skeptical about these ‘conclusions’ that I’ve been fed for so long by my anxiety, these ‘stories’ about how I’m damaged-goods and I’m destined to be anxious for the rest of my life just because I had a small bout of anxiety which was prolonged until now. The anxiety didn’t cause me to develop into this disorder, it was that damned story I kept telling myself that I was “destined to be anxious” or just an “anxious person” from the time of the incident onwards, which is just plain wrong, After putting holes in the story, it has just evaporated, and other ‘conclusions’ that I’ve been carrying with me all this time (that I’m weird, I’m awkward in social situations, I get anxious when it’s too cold outside, that I’m needy), those have started to fall away too, and everytime they come in my mind, they just don’t have the power they used to have anymore because I don’t believe a damned word they say anymore. I just remain skeptical, and then focus on the reality of the situation (that I have many loving friends, I’m often confident in social situations, I’ve been in the cold plenty of times in my life, etc.).

    I don’t know if some of you have experienced this too, but try it if you haven’t, don’t believe your mind! You’ll do something like have to go into a social situation, and you’ll feel that *ping of anxiety, but then, immediately after that *ping, you will have this story in your head trying to explain it to you, a story put there by your anxiety. Don’t believe it! That ping of anxiety could be from anything, don’t for one second believe in what that story in your head is telling you (this is going to be a weird social situation, I’m not a good talker, I’m awkward, etc.). This has helped me so much to overturn these conclusions that keep me in that prison that has concluded (with my consent) that I’m just an “anxious person” now and there’s nothing I can do about it. All it is is adrenaline, and conditioned emotional responses brought on by giving too much focus and importance to my fears, and what I’ve now learned too, which is actually believing in those fears as if they are valid when they aren’t and I don’t have to

  455. ross 26th November 2010 at 12:32 pm - Reply

    any1 else feel there accepting anxiety and letting everything be there but arent seeing a change??

    also do everyday life stresses hold your recovery back?? e.r relationship problems, work.

    I feel like a month away on holiday would help but cant afford to.

  456. Paulina 26th November 2010 at 2:48 pm - Reply

    Hi Paula, Sasha and everyone else.
    I posted a few days ago, but i just wanted to say thank you for this website and the book.. that have helped me tremendously for the past 2 -3 weeks. My anxiety levels were higghhh!. but now i feel just fine..I can carry on my day with optimism and positivism.

    However, I notice that I am very concious of myself, VERY. and questions like “what is it to be me? What is it to think? how did I think before this happened? and then some other identity questions along with remembering constantly what i’ve been truough ever since my first panic attack and followed by anxiety 24/7.
    Questions that I dont think anyone has answers to.. so i just want the questioning about life, and being humans, etc start to diminish.

    But again.. full recovery feels soo close… I took all the good advise from Paul and people on this blog… I stopped questioning anxiety which had made an incredible difference.

    HAve a great day everybody… 😀

  457. natalie 26th November 2010 at 4:12 pm - Reply

    just wanted to say everyone read what mark m has said, i myself have had a really bad week, having just started back to work 4 weeks ago i think i started to get a little stressed, felt symptoms started to quesiton have i done the right thing coming back etc and today my anxiety is high and i due to go out with my mates. so can to look on here and marks explaination really makes sense. i have the same thing like an internal blog saying the same thiings when i get anxious. usually that i pushing to fast need to slow doen that i will damage or set myself back, when really it is just the up and down of anxiety and i have to just ride it out till it burns itself out. my head hurts so much with all this internal dialoge and arguing telling myself out. so i will try marks way and just not believe it .. sure will be hard but hopefully this is the way forward. paul could you advise is this the right way

  458. Teresa J 26th November 2010 at 7:44 pm - Reply

    Hello all
    I’ve been browsing the site and notice a lot of new people and and a lot of older members giving excellent advice on how to travel the path to recovery. I know Paul and a few others will know my details – basically i am one of the people who had anxiety for a long time before I came here and now about 18 months down the line I understand things so much better and deep down KNOW the rules. However I wonder if some of the more experienced amongst us could straighten me up a bit.
    I have been doing well – some days almost anxiety free other days not letting the symptoms get to me. Little glimpses of a greater understanding where I can understand even more about the nature of the anxiety and that it only exists because we are allowing ourselves to be in awe of it.
    However, as is the nature of this thing – I have started disliking the aches and pains that can accompany it and in so doing have found myself wanting to be rid of them and therefore starting to try the ‘mental gymnastics’ that Joe mentioned in the last blog. Add to that my mind has picked up on the fact that Paul/Joe and other people recovered have said that the only thing that kept them IN anxiety for so long was they had not fully accepted – ‘when i gave up on all that and fully accepted, NO CONDITIONS was when I started to get better’ – and others have said similar. Now I really understand most of this but there is an angle that is telling me that I am not fully accepting, that’s why I keep myself coming back to dislikng/not accepting my symptoms. Can you please give me your opinion on what I am now doing –
    For your research Paul I googled ‘no more anxiety’ I did not know there was a site of that name but had always been too scared to google anxiety and had been getting by with claire weekes books – thank goodness I did.

  459. Teresa J 26th November 2010 at 9:24 pm - Reply

    Natalie
    Don’t know if you’ve gone out with your mates and this message too late but one thing I can tell you defineitely not to bother listening to – that you are moving to fast and that you may damage yourself – don’t bother, you won’t damage yourself, quite the contrary you will unleash yourself. you may watch yourself for a bit but you will lose interest in yourself and all of s sudden you will forget to watch yourself. go for it – don’t let the voice stop you going out with your friends, you’ll enjoy it and feel so pleased with yourself for doing it. I have been on a family holiday and was worried whether I would be able to keep up with everyone etc – I was no different to anyone else. There really is nothing you can’t do with this – and it weakens as you do more.

  460. Mike H 27th November 2010 at 2:33 am - Reply

    Paul David, or anyone who can help.

    I have had this problem for about 7 months. I keep anazlyzing words in my head to the point where english sometimes sounds like a foreign language. Words just sound unfamiliar, ….like if you say a word a lot of times it has no meaning. This is so annoying. Maybe it’s just an offshoot of depersonalization. I already feel very selfaware and detatched from myself…but I know it goes away from time to time, so I’m sure I’ll get over all that eventually…but my mind is just going over words again and again when I’m listening to people. It’s so frustrating. Has anyone experienced this? Can I really believe something like this will go away? It makes hanging out with friends frustrating because I’m in the middle of a conversation and it just sounds so foreign.

    Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.

  461. Andrew 27th November 2010 at 9:05 am - Reply

    Hi

    Just replying to Mark M’s comment about the analysing and not believing thoughts. It made me smile certainly about the “destined to be anxious” thoughts and will always be this way which I can totally relate to. Another thing I do is go back into my past and try to remember times when I was anxious and fearful over something then try to figure out if that was “anxiety” (the label) have I had it all my life and I didnt realise it ect ect. Further more I’ve always been a quiet kind of guy not outgoing so this also gets analysed as well, the thought is is that social anxiety and so on This off course has no benefit as it just tires the mind further and thus continues the analysing behaviour and the anxiety circle. As Mark says the response when these thoughts start to circle is “who cares”, I didnt worry about my behaviour before all this started, it’s interesting about how worrying about the very thing your suffering from keeps you suffering!!!

    Also some of the comments about reassurance are also something I can relate to. When I first started experiencing problems I was in and out of the Doctors, ringing helplines paying huge amounts of money to see private therapist which the only benefit was to empty my pockets. I then moved on to books on positivity which i carried round with me all day even at work, just having them in my bag where I could get them out to read was a huge comfort. I remember getting Pauls book at the turn of the year which went everywhere with me and when I found this site I would get up in the morning and the 1st thing i did was log on then several further times during the day. There is no benefit to this as Paul says it keeps the subject at the forefront of your life so you pretty much become your anxiety, it dictates your thoughts and behaviour.

    As advised above I keep off the blog and now just check in every few days and have stopped carrying the book around with me. I have started to face outwards instead of constantly looking inside myself, its a slow process but have started to take up my hobbies that I dropped when all this started, it isnt easy but its the only way to bring back the old you.

    I still find the upsetting thoughts difficult, I’ve had them all over the years, sexual, violent which some have gone completly only to be replaced with different ones, at the moment its hearing something on the news such as a reporter will being to say a sentance such as “a 21 year old man from Mnachester… then in my mind I finish the sentance off …is dead, then get a rush of panic but i’m taking my “whatever” attitude with me all the time, its the only obvious answer to recover, the opposite to what i’ve been doing to fearful thoughts which is panic and fear is to not react, I didnt react to them before which is why I didnt have anxiety then, seems straightforward when you say it like that!!!!

    Good luck to everyone

    Andrew

  462. lorryt 27th November 2010 at 5:14 pm - Reply

    Hi all

    can totally relate andrew to your last comment. all i want to do is get on and live my life without these thoughts consatntly in my head, they do seem to jump from one thing to another at the moment . i am trying to adopt the so what attitude as they are after all only thoughts, and cant hurt us. it is so easy to say but when you try and adopt it its different!. guess its coz we have been in th eloop of doing it for so long its just second nature. also i am in such a negative place at the mo its hard to get anything right !. i know things will turn around but i guess while im waiting im not living . i am rushing around trying to fill my time, hoping that he thoughts will go away but its not accepting is it!!!!., trying timesxx

  463. Gail 27th November 2010 at 6:03 pm - Reply

    Hi,
    Can anyone give some advice on how not to worry?

    Paul, I read your book, including the chapter on worry. I know it’s useless, but no matter how many times I tell myself that, I still worry.

    I’m a musician, and whenever I have a performance, I get so anxious weeks before. I have a big program for Christmas and, even though it’s a ways away, I’m so anxious about it.

    Anyone have any advice on worry, I would appreciate it.

    Thank you!

  464. Emma 27th November 2010 at 9:14 pm - Reply

    Hello Paul and Everyone!

    I was just wondering if anyone has experienced the thoughts of “if everything is real?” I know this is an off-shot of anxiety and I should just let the thoughts in and let them go but it can be hard because I start thinking “is all this advice real?” I never thought like this before anxiety and when I am busy doing “normal” things the thoughts seem to fade. It is just hard because when I start to feel happy and normal, I question that too… and then I start to think negative about if my true emotions and positive outlook on life will ever come back. I have only been having these feelings for a short time so I know I need to let time pass but I would love just some reassurance that these thoughts do go away when anxiety fades away…I know this is all part of the recovery process and I am just very sensitized to everything I think right now but some advice would be great! Thank you everyone for your support!

  465. Mike H. 28th November 2010 at 7:49 am - Reply

    Emma,

    yes, believe me this is normal for anxiety!` I have wondered that kind of thing for so long that it means nothing at all to have that thought pop up. Eventually you’ll see that it is just a thought. Sometimes it helps to remember when you were a kid. Just imagine when you were like 3 years old. If someone said, “Hey Emma, none of this is real” it would mean nothing at all. Nothing whatsoever.

    You wouldn’t even understand the concept of what is real and unreal when you were a kid.

    Therefore it’s just a stupid thought. It had no effect until you gave it immense respect. Logic does this.

    I’ve studied philosophy and religion ever since senior year of high school…about 10 years ago, and I have so many annoying abnormal thoughts it is rediculous. But they don’t bother me as much as they used to. I definitely find myself wishing from time to time that I was just a dumb person who did not have the burden of intellect. If you think too much about anything you turn it weird. My advice to my future children will be: Don’t think too much about anything. Just play sports, play music, date girls..etc. I don’t want you to go through what I’ve gone through…lol.

    HOpe this is comforting in some way.

  466. CC 28th November 2010 at 10:37 am - Reply

    Hi Sara,

    I hope ur feeling a bit better and got urself somemore baby things! Awwwhhh a little girl is the best person ever to shop for, dont even look at baby ted baker stuff its sooo cute but major expensive.

    I seem to be having the worst setback ever this week, feel like im back to square one but worse, so im right back with you now. But as Paul Advises me this will happen and if I give my anxious thoughts there room they will go. Its kind of like trying to enjoy the company of a member of your boyfriends family who clearly doesnt like you, but you do, oviously you can wait til she leaves but you deal with it and carry on the same.

    I advise you to do as paul says take in all the advice youve read from here that applies to you and try n get on with your life dont bog yourself down reading reading reading trying to get better, choose that one road and follow it with positivity. Its actually really hard for me to say this feeling as I am right now, but ive moved past this before