I just placed this statement on my twitter account as it was something I wrote down many years ago and it stayed with me for all these years and one I use in general life, which was;
‘Everything is at it is and things go how they go’
It was essential for me to develop this attitude years ago on my own journey of recovery and eventually it did become a built in attitude and not just words on a piece of paper. You cannot say something, but then not believe or mean it, as was the case with me at first. I would go into a situation with these words, but really I was saying ‘Everything is as it is and things go as they go, but please go well, let me feel OK’ or I would use it thinking ‘I will feel great now with this statement’ only then to still feel anxious and think, ‘Well that did not work’, little did I realise I was missing the point, it was not there to make me feel better, it was there to stop me avoiding, it was not there to make me feel great, it was there to stop me trying to feel different.
The whole point was, it was not about striving to feel good anymore, which had totally had the opposite effect and my whole day had been consumed by it. It was about accepting who I was and situations with utter acceptance. Some days would be good, some days would be bad, some situations would go well, some not so well, I would now try to be neutral to it all. I would stop ‘Trying’ to feel different, I would stop watching my own social performance, there would be no more inquest when things did not go as I wanted.
But in time I got far more out of this statement when the meaning truly sunk in. I stopped worrying so much about future events, I stopped mentally going over things as much, I stopped living inside my head as much, wondering how I felt or how things were going. My mind felt clearer, my anxiety levels dropped.
Someone who worked in a hospice once said that, ‘when someone finds out they have a few months to live, then understandably their initial reaction is anger, resentment and huge sadness, but in the last couple of weeks when they are resigned to it and fully accept it then a huge sense of peace comes over them, many saying that they had never felt calm like it’. I learnt a lot from that story, it was a sign of complete surrender, knowing there was nothing else they could do, a complete collapse of all control and resistance and this is what brought them so much peace. I then understood that it was my resistance to my current state that had caused me so much more suffering and it was time to fully accept it and stop fighting against myself and that if I did not wage a war with my mind, body and life, then it would not wage a war against me.