How my battle with anxiety ended

Hi Everyone, I am using Facebook as much as the blog to put info out so I will share any new posts on both, below is the latest Facebook post that hopefully will help. Apologies for the different font, it was how it came out after copying and pasting.
I just placed this statement on my twitter account as it was something I wrote down many years ago and it stayed with me for all these years and one I use in general life, which was; ‘Everything is at it is and things go how they go’
It was essential for me to develop this attitude years ago and it did become a built in attitude and not just words on a peace of paper. You cannot say something, but then not believe or mean it, as was the case with me at first. I would go into a situation with these words, but really I was saying ‘Everything is as it is and things go as they go, but please go well, let me feel O.K’ or I would use it thinking ‘I will feel great now with this statement’ only then to still feel anxious and think, ‘Well that did not work’, little did I realise I was missing the point, it was not there to make me feel better, it was there to stop me avoiding, it was not there to make me feel great, it was there to stop me trying to feel different.
The whole point was it was not about striving to feel good anymore, which had totally had the opposite effect and my whole day had been consumed by it. It was about accepting who I was and situations with utter acceptance. Some days would be good, some days would be bad, some situations would go well, some not so well, I would now try to be neutral to it all. I would stop ‘Trying’ to feel different, I would stop watching my own social performance, there would be no more inquest when things did not go as I wanted. But in time I got far more out of this statement when the meaning truly sunk in. I stopped worrying so much about future events, I stopped mentally going over things as much, I stopped living inside my head as much, wondering how I felt or how things were going. My mind felt clearer, my anxiety levels dropped.
Someone who worked in a hospice once said that when someone finds out they have a few months to live then understandably their initial reaction is anger, resentment and huge sadness, but in the last couple of weeks when they are resigned to it and fully accept it then a huge sense of peace comes over them, many saying that they had never felt calm like it. I learnt a lot from that story and understood that it was my resistance to my current state that had caused me so much more suffering and it was time to fully accept it and stop fighting against myself.
If I did not wage a war with my mind and body then it would not wage a war against me.


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309 Responses to “How my battle with anxiety ended”

  1. Bryan Says:

    Such difficult advice to implement but so crucial. This is the “art” of this whole process. It’s retraining decades of habitual self-protectiveness out of ourselves.
    I know this is a key area for me to improve upon.

    Thanks so much for your continual guidance, Paul.

  2. Shelley Says:

    Hi Everyone –

    I’ve been wanting to comment for some time and I thought this was a the perfect post to do it under. First off – thank you Paul for your sharing your advice and experience. I believe it was a huge influence in my recovery over the last year.

    Here is my story. I tell it because I found the recovery posts the most helpful when I was suffering from anxiety.

    Exactly one year ago I was driving home with a massive headache and I felt like I was going to pass out. I pulled over and my heart started racing. I had never felt this way before. Luckily there were people around, including a paramedic to help. After 15 minutes the feeling passed and I was able to drive home. I figured the reaction was due to not eating well and very busy day of running around with my 2 little girls.

    One week later, the feeling occurred again while driving and I immediately pulled over. Once again the feeling passed in about 15 minutes, but this was all it took to start a downward spiral.

    As a background, I have a great hubby, 2 little girls, a PT job, a business and I am a perfectionist- it makes for a busy life. I’ve always liked pushing to do more and never thought much of slowing down. Sometimes I didn’t eat, sometimes I didn’t sleep, sometimes I ran like a madwoman trying to get it all done. I point this out, because I believe this busyness is what caused my anxiety and I had to change the pace of my life to recover.

    Following, the two incidents, I set up a series of Dr. appointments as I was certain I had the beginnings of some disease…brain tumor, thyroid issues, hormonal imbalance, diabetes, a rare cancer. All my tests were normal. My Dr. brought up anxiety and panic attacks – something I had only heard of but not understood. She suggested meditation and slowing down and then possibly Xanax and Lexipro. I was at a loss – I couldn’t slow down – and I was highly against taking anything.

    In the months that followed, I barely functioned. I felt fear and dread that I was losing it – I worried about how I would continue to take care of my family, that I was letting my husband down, that my friends and co-workers would think I was crazy, that I would never feel joy and confidence again, that I would eventually have to take medication. I would call my mom crying when I could not manage to pick up the kids. I missed work. I started not sleeping. Every small ailment I felt, sent me in a panic. My head was always fuzzy. I would collapse on the sofa in exhaustion early in the evening. It was as if I had lost the person I used to be, happy, confidant, and motivated and became a new person full of dread, fear, and misery.

    None of the information and natural cures struck me, until I found Dr. Claire Weekes’ book, “Hope and Help for Your Nerves” and Paul’s site. It was these key points that helped me to recover over the next few months:

    1) It is okay to feel anxiety. Let it be and do not give it any importance.
    2) It takes time to recover. Don’t rush it.
    3) Most good people will understand your anxiety and not judge. For those that do judge – who cares?
    4) Move forward no matter what.
    5) Take care of yourself w/ sleep, exercise, and eating well
    6) Get out of your head and focus on people and activities that bring you joy.

    I focused on them methodically one by one, and eventually in about 3 months, the anxiety lessened and lessened until it was gone. Yoga and meditation healthier eating, hot water and altoids (oddly enough) were helpful, but it was the shift in thinking that was KEY in my recovery and it continues to keep me strong.

    Now one year later, I feel better I am a better person than my old self, who knew nothing about anxiety and panic attacks. I am more compassionate, I eliminate unnecessary stresses, I am more confidant because I made it through, I take better care of myself, and I try to live each day with joy and meaning. I believe the anxiety in a way was a painful gift.

    When I feel tinges of the old feeling, I shrug it off and focus back on the joys in my life. If it happens, I’ll make it through again.

    I truly hope that by sharing my experience that it will help others in their recovery and find their way back to happiness.


  3. Dominick Says:

    I see a few others have spoke about not being able to sleep. If you read this please help me. I sound so desperate. Because I really am. I’m thinking about quitting my job because of this. I need to provide for my family though. But I’m coming apart at the seems.

    I had a rough spell with anxiety MONTHS ago and it impacted my sleep. The original cause is now fixed but I still fear not being able to sleep. I shut my eyes and my brain just starts waiting for and anticipating sleep. When I start to fall asleep I get ripped out with a racing heart. What’s wrong with me?!

    I originally had problems falling asleep. But then I met another insomniac who told me that his problem is waking up and not being able to fall back to sleep. I then started to fear that happening to me and guess what happened? Now that’s my problem too. If I do get to sleep but wake up early then I can’t fall back to sleep because I’m paying so much attention to if I’m sleeping or not.

    I know how pathetic I sound begging like this. I just don’t know what to do. I feel like a broke freak.

  4. Kat Says:

    Thanks for the great post. I just have a quick comment: I realize now that for years I have never really accepted my life as it is and am constantly trying to find something that will make my life perfect and happy. I obsess about different hobbies and move from one to the next. I think this may be an anxious habit in which I look for confidence and happiness outside myself rather than inside. I think my recovery is about allowing it to come from within by allowing things to go how they go, be that good or bad and not let it affect my inner peace..if that makes sense. Anyways thanks again.

  5. Mark R Says:

    This is a great post.

    I think this can also be applied to other areas of your life too, not just anxiety. I have come to the realisation over the last 18 months or so that experiencing pain in life is just as important as experiencing happiness. I no longer wait to feel a certain way before I do anything, I just do it. We have so little control over the way we feel, with or without anxiety so giving up the fight is the best thing to do.

    “For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin – real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.”

    Alfred D. Souza

  6. Kyara Says:

    Dominick, you’re putting too much pressure (worry and fear) into sleeping. You need to change your attitude towards it, if I sleep then great if not then that’s ok too I’ve had plenty of sleepless nights and got through the day fine just a little more tired than usual. You’re getting anxiety over the thought of not sleeping, not over the actual not sleeping. Acceptance will bring you through. Let yourself be and you will see how much better things get.

  7. Kat Says:

    Thanks for the response Elaine, I know you are so right. I need to trust that my body can heal itself and not try to fix my external circumstances in an effort to “fix” how I feel

  8. rachh Says:

    I really have got to the point today where i am sick to death of worrying! Im sick of it i really am lol i cannot accept the worrying!! I am going to let my feelings be there and not fuel it with my thoughts anymore because at the end of the day the thoughts are worrying because i am anxious. And thats how im going to see them.. The thoughts are sodding worries which are a pile of bullsh*t and if they pop up thats what im going to see them as. They are not truth! Thats my attitude for today.

  9. Doreen Says:

    rachh – I think the point is reached when we realise that in fact that is all we can do. And in some funny way that is not defeatist, it is the reality. And that can produce relief. And I think in so doing you are in fact accepting the worrying but seeing it for what it is.

  10. Shirley A. D. Says:

    Dominick. I too had the sleep fear – so much so that just looking at the bed made me panic, knowing that I was going to have try to sleep sent me in to another spiral and then….. like you I would manage through exhaustion to close my eyes for a couple of seconds only to be ripped back and have rapid heart beat. As you have been advised – the more you concentrate on a particular problem – the longer it will hang around – don’t go to bed clenched with fear – my routine was to welcome the feelings and once accepted they started to lessen. It’s not going to happen overnight – it will take time so don’t try to hurry anything.

  11. Shirley A. D. Says:

    Dominick, please don’t feel like a freak – we are all friends together on here and can sympathise all the way. You will get great support from everyone and stay with us as long as you need.

  12. Dominick Says:

    Thank you for the kind words. That’s me too!!! I look at the bed and I can feel the anxiety just building and building in me. I can’t talk to too many others about this because who is afraid they won’t be able to fall asleep?? All day long I’m researching and scouring the internet about this. I’ve lost my love for life. I’d say I’m worried my wife would leave me but that’s not true. I wish she would find someone better at times who can give her the life that I no longer can.
    Here comes that thought about sleeping tonight and here comes that urge to throw up. :(.

  13. RachelT Says:

    Hi everybody,

    I’m still on my journey and bouncing about quite a lot on the way. I know and believe what I need to do but I struggle still to not get drawn in to the anxiety spiral. My panic attacks I can recognise starting now more so I can prepare myself but they aren’t the ones that sting then are they as they’re diffused by your awareness. I still struggle with DR after high anxiety and I start to monitor my behaviour, am I talking to fast, are people staring at me, am I rushing are my thoughts disorganised. Its a VERY frightening thought pattern I get stuck in. Does anybody else obsess about this behavoural condition we have becoming something more frightening? I don’t recall feeling as odd at the beginning as I sometimes do now. I’m struggling to know how I can adopt a stance of I don’t care, what will be will be etc regarding this subject. Anybody else got through this one.

    Shelley, your story is amazing and I’m so happy for you, thanks for sharing


  14. Kat Says:

    Rachh, your comment is helpful to me because that’s the same attitude I have just about reached. The constant worrying about whether my life is where it is supposed to be, on the right track, etc has me completely fed up. I need to not fuel my thoughts as well, because that is what I have been doing and it keeps me running in circles. I’m sick of worrying about my life rather than living it and seeing where it takes me. Hope everyone is well :)

  15. Marcus Says:

    Hey all,

    I seem to be on a downward spiral as of late.. Especially today I’ve niticed I’m getting a lot more Deja Vu feelings than before. So obviously idiot that I am I went on the internet as I always do and googled the symptom which gave all sorts of mental illness results. One of them …Schizo… which has been my #1 fear. I started to have a panic attack right there..

    Is the deja vu feeling normal under anxiety?.. or perhaps i’m just being over sensistive to everything.. That constant fear that im slowly losing my mind or developping some sort of major mental illness is hard hard to get through…

  16. Scott Says:

    What is the best way to deal with a silly, irrational thought? I think i am stuck on fact that i know that i am not going crazy, dont have another mental issue though i totally get those fears and understand completely how a sufferer can test their thoughts for any sign of that fear. My issue is i get silly thoughts that get stuck in my head, causes a fear pang in my gut and i wrestle with it, try to prove i am not afraid of it. This gets me all knotted up and i lose my present moment because i am hyperaware of my thinking and monitoring my self if that makes any sense. I am probably worried that while i am not crazy that i have a defect of some sort and my life will suffer and i wont be able to be a good dad or husband and that makes me very scared and breaks my heart when i think of my wife and kids. So i struggle to prove i am ok and know full wrll the silly thought is something that would scare/ bother no one else. Any advice out there? I hope everyone can feel better. Scott

  17. Lui Says:

    I can’t handle it anymore. I think my head is gonna explode! Had social anxiety all my life and I reached a point where I just can’t handle it anymore. It improved a lot but I am a perfectionist. I want it to go away and every single second I am thinking about this fucking anxiety. I am working on it. I’m meeting up with friends. I have odd conversations. I feel awful. I try everything. My symptoms are gettin so much worse. I get a lot of postive feedback about how nice and funny I am and how confident I got. Nobody would guess that I am on the edge of having a breakdown. Even my parents think that everything is normal. In every social situation I try my best, And I try to use all this information in Pauls blog but it’s so much information and not written in my mother language either. I even read the whole book. I don’t know what to do or how to change my view on anxiety. I just cannot accept this horible thing which is restricting my life! I got bad in school as well. Plaese, advice is greatly appreciated!

  18. Rebecca Says:

    Lui you are not alone. I feel like that. Some days I just feel like this is me forever and I get so frustrated with myself. Also it’s like I look normal on the outside but people can’t see I’m falling apart inside. I am slowly realising I’m my own worst enemy at the moment. I’m fighting and I know I will never win this anxiety do. Somewhere down the line we will have to be friends. Just keep going with it don’t fight. Give in because there will only ever be one winner. I’m trying to, I feel your frustration keep ya chin up xx

  19. Bryan Says:


    You write very well and I’m guessing well enough to understand what Paul writes.

    You said…

    “I just cannot accept this horible thing which is restricting my life!”

    That is why it will not leave you alone.

    I am still struggling but much better these days in general because I finally ACCEPTED where I was, and now I’m putting all of my effort into trying to redirect my thoughts onto normal life and not fighting my anxiety.

    As Paul states… being angry is natural, but there comes a time when we all have to look at ourselves and realize that if we’ve the same thing over and over and it doesn’t work, we have to try something else.

    Everything you stated in your post…. hating anxiety… fighting it… not being able to accept. Paul will tell you that is exactly why it is staying around for you. As soon as you can turn that viewpoint to one of acceptance and take steps to stop fighting, you will improve. Read the posts here. Scores of people have recovered or improved by doing just that.

  20. Bryan Says:


    Yes, it’s normal. I used to get a ton of Deja Vu even before my anxiety set in, and they were actually a little disturbing. (Made me feel sick for a moment.)

    Fearing going crazy is also anxiety 101. It’s one of the most basic, commonly experienced phases in recovery. It sucks, it’s no fun… but it’s totally normal.
    Trust me, you will get over that fear because it’s simply not true. That’s an early-stage anxiety trick.

    People who are crazy don’t worry about being crazy. You have that fear because it’s so against who you are. So, your tired mind is latching onto it.

    I do realize how hard it is to get through, though. I remember periods where my memory was so bad, I didn’t know if something had happened in real life or a dream. Of course, medication can make that all even worse.

    Hang in there, keep reading here and work on developing a confidence… confidence based on evidence that you are experiencing a simple human condition that will go away when you get your mind and body calmed down.

  21. Bryan Says:


    You said…

    “My issue is i get silly thoughts that get stuck in my head, causes a fear pang in my gut and i wrestle with it, try to prove i am not afraid of it. This gets me all knotted up and i lose my present moment because i am hyperaware of my thinking and monitoring my self if that makes any sense.”

    Most people will tell you to just let the thought be there. I agree with that. Don’t try to wrestle with it. You will lose that battle every single time, and the wrestling is what tires the mind and keeps it around.

    I’ve had spells of obsessive thoughts during my long recovery (ongoing) and they always just go away one day. Why? Because my mind worked itself out of it by being rested, and your brain naturally moves on.

    Have you ever woken up from a nightmare and still feared whatever was in your dream? (A shark chasing you or something ridiculous) Well, that’s a good example of how the mind can behave when it’s not rested and lacks clarity. Obsessing on silly thoughts is common for a worn out, overworked mind.

    I do agree with just letting the thought be there, but I also think before you commit to that you should take some time and educate yourself to the basics of anxiety and how it creates these silly thoughts. In other words, I think having EVIDENCE that you are in no danger makes it easier to just allow the thought to be there. Because if you really do the math… you know these silly thoughts aren’t real. I’ll bet you weren’t thinking them a year ago. (or so.) So… build up your confidence that this is a silly thought and nothing but anxiety, and THEN…. just let it come and go as it pleases. Smile at it. Invite it along with you for your day. Going to work? Invite it along. Don’t ENGAGE it, but let it be there. Tell it to come along for the ride.
    You’ll find that the more you do that, the less scary it gets… and that thought gets bored eventually and evaporates. It can only survive if we fear it and react to it. Otherwise, it’s like any other goofy thought we have in the course of a day. Here…. and gone.

  22. Lui Says:

    Thank you guys!
    I never actually realised that I was figthing. I am really educated about this subject it’s just that I don don’t know how to use it. I read every single post about soical anxiety and it does help but it won’t change my perspective on it.
    The thing is, that there was not a single moment in my life where I felt secure in a social situation. And I was always watching myself from inside, even as a little kid. It’s impossible for me to not do it.
    I try to just accpet it, but all my life I fought against it and I forgot how not to fight. It feels like I would lose, if I don’t think about it anymore and that there’s is no other way to get rid of it. I really care about how people think about me. And if am not controlling how I feel or what I say, I’llprobably look like some weak individual with an anxiety disorder. I guess i just don’t get Pauls message into my head! If I would accept it, will my many symptoms go away then?

  23. Lui Says:

    Oh and I forget to say that I want to perfect and funny in every conversation. Even with people I don’t even kniw and I’ll never see again. That’s a lot of pressure I guess. Recently my tension headaches are around all the time when I get stressed. I am stressed most of the time. I get all tense even when I was perfect in a social situation. I get a lot of headaches as well. The other day it got really strong and I was having fever. My depersonalisation is aroundall the time. I making myself really ill and I don’t now how to stop it or what exactly i am doing wrong!

  24. Scott Says:

    Thanks bryan for the response. I have had a few bouts of these silly thoughts before and they all went. For some reason, this aspect of anxiety spooks me the most. I have been through panic and problems with sleep and know full well that struggles in those areas while difficult when going theough can be overcome with acceptance and evidence.
    For some reason, i view the panic feelings i got as more physical related and i learned i could “ride” them out and they could not kill me. The physical stuff seemed normal to me as stress symptoms.
    The obsessive stuff as silly as mine are scare me because of my fear that thought stuff is a defect or issue with my brain. I dont like the worry, mind chatter and i am not convinced i do have the ability to just ignore it. With that said with past silly thoughts i did get to a point where i let them come and go and they did just sermed to lose the “sting” and then faded. Did the anxious edge go first? Just confused this time. I ponder stupid things like thos thought is different because….that keeps me stuck. I guess all anxious people are hyperaware of their fear, worry and get that on guard feeling. I am no different because of my fear. Thanks bryan and to all the people who post recovery help. I have a great family. A wonderful wife who has stuck by me and three kids i adore. It crushed me when i get these episodes and i was coming off a good spell in august when this hit. I have to believe it is just a setback.

  25. Scott Says:

    Thanks bryan for the response. I have had a few bouts of these silly thoughts before and they all went. For some reason, this aspect of anxiety spooks me the most. I have been through panic and problems with sleep and know full well that struggles in those areas while difficult when going theough can be overcome with acceptance and evidence.
    For some reason, i view the panic feelings i got as more physical related and i learned i could “ride” them out and they could not kill me. The physical stuff seemed normal to me as stress symptoms.
    The obsessive stuff as silly as mine are scare me because of my fear that thought stuff is a defect or issue with my brain. I dont like the worry, mind chatter and i am not convinced i do have the ability to just ignore it. With that said with past silly thoughts i did get to a point where i let them come and go and they did just sermed to lose the “sting” and then faded. Did the anxious edge go first? Just confused this time. I ponder stupid things like thos thought is different because….that keeps me stuck. I guess all anxious people are hyperaware of their fear, worry and get that on guard feeling. I am no different because of my fear. Thanks bryan and to all the people who post recovery help. I have a great family. A wonderful wife who has stuck by me and three kids i adore. I have to believe it is just a setback.

  26. RachelT Says:


    Can I ask, have you ever asked anybody elses opinion that you trust what their view of you socially is? It needs to be somebody who you know would tell you warts and all. My experience has been that people have no idea that your struggling at all, its just you that experiences it, any awkward silences etc. If you can gain some confidence that it really is just you that “thinks” its a problem then maybe you can apply Pauls method of just accepting your bullying yourself with these thoughts of being socially inadequate and not allowing the thoughts to bother you over time and with practice. Easier for me to write than for you to do I know that. A start is a start though and you can do that today, now.


  27. RachelT Says:


    I’m the same as you, truly. I can live with the sensations but the fear of going crazy and the consequent impact that would have on my life and my family literally makes my brain roll and my lip sweat I get such a rush of fear.

    Do you have times during the same day that you believe your thoughts but then have times during the same day when you think, ummmmm I’m back in the room a bit now, what was that all about? I hate it, I hope it doesn’t start again?

    If you do, because I do, then I ask myself if true onset of a mental illness could wax and wane so quickly. I’m not a psychiatrist but I genuinely can’t see how that could happen!!!??? Just a thought….. Helps me…..sometimes hahaha


  28. Scott Says:


    Thanks for your response. Love your phrase “back in the room” as that is exactly what i crave is that present moment, that knowing “ok we are back!”…for me the hyperawareness is always focused on my thoughts. Silly stupid ones. My fear is not “going crazy” (but i understand how easy that one is to have) but is more like a fear my brain is stuck or something stupid like that…its funny you mention wax and wane because that happens to me at times and is one of my fears – it makes me think “the switch went on or off”- silly right? Rather than think i have been working at acceptance and am seeing results i hit my panic button. When i do manage to accept i have seen many silly obsessive thoughts “fade” however i never quite know what i do and am always wondering of this form of anxiety. I battled theough panic and sleep anxiety and can fully attest (because i lost my fear totally) that those can be overcome, not easy, but can be done. Have to trust this fear of silly thoughts is just where my fear has latched on to…right? Hope you have a great day rachel

  29. Lui Says:

    Hi Rachel!
    A year ago I was really quiet and I wouldn’t speak up at all. Then I did an exchange year and it all escalated. I got strong health anxiety and so many symtops. I thought I was the most social akward kid in the world.
    Now I am back in my country and everybody is really impressed about how I changed. In my new class I’m really popular. People tell me how much they like me. It doesnt make me confident at all, altough I get so much postive feedback on how charismatic I am. I’m the class clown and NOBODY would guess that I have so many problems and I’m always analysing myself. I guess i am bullying myself like you say. I don’t know what to think but I really try to accpet the feelings…

  30. Wendy Says:


    you want this thing to go away as fast as you are still fighting!
    Anxiety won’t go overnight and you can not fight it way.
    Well, fighting means nothing more than worrying actually.
    Stop the worrying, don’t go into analysing. Just say something like “piss off” whenever you get anxiety and after saying this go on with your day and don’t analyse your anxiety!
    Could I ask how old you are? You say you still go to school, like me.
    In which country did you go while your exchange?

  31. Lui Says:

    Hey Wendy!
    Thank you! Never realised that! I’m 16 and went to the US for a year! Now I am finally back in Germany!
    Where are you from?

  32. Dominick Says:

    Scott, how did you overcome your sleeping issues? Did you ever do that constant monitoring when you were trying to fall asleep? Being hyper vigilant to whether or not you were falling asleep? I HATE that. It’s like I’m watching myself to see if I’m falling asleep. Which means I’m not going to fall asleep. Because no one falls asleep that way

  33. Matt Says:

    Dominick…had the same problems awhile ago with sleep. I would lay down and as soon as I closed my eyes weird images and thoughts popped into my mind. Once I got to the point of that this is just anxiety I allowed the thoughts, images to be there.

    For me what worked was just allowing it to be there, and sometimes reading a book or watching a movie til I started to feel sleepy. I took paul’s advice and put it under the anxiety umbrella and just said screw it, if my mind is attached to this then so be it. Eventually I got to the point where I could lay down and sleep with no problems, just don’t expect it to happen overnight.

  34. Kate Says:

    Hello everyone,

    I’m quite new to this and have never posted before but thought I would share my story :)

    I started with anxiety around 3-4 months ago so not long compared to most of you but still utterly terrifying all the same. It started out as “funny feelings of dread” that eventually would pass, this went on for a couple of weeks until BAM it came on all the time and wouldnt leave leaving me up all night worrying. I visited the Dr and was prescribed an anti depressant and told I had anxiety. The tablets made even worse so back I went to the Dr and this time he put me on another medication and instantly I felt better and slept through the night. I was totally fine for two weeks but slowly feelings of panic starting creeping back in along with feelings of DP (although I didnt know what it was at the time) this absolutely terrifed the life out of me and I became convinced I was going crazy! I was having the weirdest scaries dreams and I couldnt think straight my vision was terribly distorted I had to keep on the move etc and my mind raced constantly but what seriously terrified me was feelings of still being me in my head but not in my body,I started to feel detatched from everyone I loved which just made me convinced I was losing my mind! I googled all my syptoms and diagnosed myself with every disease under the sun even waking my husband from his sleep to tell him I had CJD and I needed to go to the hospital now, I used to cry over leaving my kids behind etc etc. I stayed awake solidly for 2 days and the Dr prescribed me a tablet to aid sleep which did nothing at all for me other than the make the dreams scarier.

    For me going out and being with other people made me feel better it was actually being on my own in the early hours that terrified me most. When the feelings came I just had to get out of the house then and there, making night time super scary as my other half works nights and I cant leave the house as the kids are in bed.

    Finally after googling again I came across this page I actually sat and cried when I realised a. I wasnt going mad and b. I’m not the only one and c. people have recovered.

    I’ve just read Pauls book and am starting to put into place the changes that I need to do. I’ve accepted that all my issues are to do with anxiety and DP is just an offset of that. I am trying to not let this condition dominate my life, like when I had the worst feeling on Friday evening that I didnt belong in our house anymore and was totally detached I just kind of accepted it and ignored the feeling….is that the right thing to do? Yesterday I went with my husband and kids to a roller disco (something I would never dared do before anxiety) and while sat in the dark waiting to go in I could feel the urge to run but I made myself sit there and you know what I actually enjoyed myself, yes I questioned how I was feeling a few times….I know I’ll do this less and less with time its just a case of learning to let it all in. My appetite is none exsitant and just a bite of food makes my anxiety peak, again I’m making myself eat and sit through the uncomfortable ness of it all, ok not huge dinners but something none the less.

    The major problem at the moment for me is sleep (like so many others) it started when taking the tablets and they made me have crazy vivid dreams, even now I cant sleep for more than an hour at a time and when I do nod off I kind of get an electric shock that jolts me awake and end up only getting 3-4 hours a night I feel this is the only thing setting me back I just want a good sleep and to feel refreshed. On a morning I’m determined I’m not going to think about it but come tea time its back and just being in bed terrifys me. I cant even describe what the dreams are its like even though I’ve slept I’m not sure if I have and some weird feeling that If I sleep I’ll lose it all, I have the weirdest dreams that I cant even begin to describe that come over into when I wake and I panic and feel all confused that its not real. Does anyone else have this or have they? I read on a forum you have to have 8 hours sleep a night or you will never recover from DP so I think thats also triggered something in me.

    Sorry for the rant people I just get so much comfort from this blog (I dont allow myself to go on anything else any more) and I know you offer some fantastic advise.

    Thanks for reading :)

  35. Wendy Says:


    hey cool, i’m german too, haha!

  36. Lui Says:

    Haha no way! Wie alt bist du?

  37. Wendy Says:

    Auch dein Alter. Was ein Zufall!

  38. Scott Says:


    I agree with matt. Some nights i could fall asleep but would “be scared” that i awoke and always around 2-3am. It was as if my mind equated “waking up” as dangerous and i got so frustrated i kept myself from sleeping. I stopped making sleep a “big deal” and gradually sleep returned. I would have nights where i slept 5/6/7 hours and feel like a million dollars in the morning but as day went on the anxiety would build with silly thoughts like “would you sleep tonight”…this went for a bit but by keeping myself as calm as possible i slowly turned it around and realized it was my worrying that made it into a monster. It was not easy but you can do it.
    I have to learn to donsame thing now. That hyperawareness of my thoughts is my biggest problem. The contents of my thoughts dont really get to me, it is the why is my brain doing this, why am i on super alert – i should be able to calm myself down..etc so i “test” myself. So annoying. I lose my present moment and with young kids and a wonderful life i feel lots of guilt over this and get down wondering why cant i get this?? Is my brain stuck?? In reality inwas probably hyperalert with sleep too.take care scott

  39. Lui Says:

    Und, wovor hast du Angst?

  40. Wendy Says:

    Naja, vor etwas bestimmten eigentlich nicht.
    Aber ich hab auch depersonalisation und bin einfach nicht mehr ich selbst und jeden kleinen Gedanken muss ich gleich analysieren, bis er mir dann auch angst macht.
    Also hauptsächlich dp und Angstgedanken, ständiges grübeln, Nervosität und wie du auch schon geschrieben hast, besonders bei so Familienfeiern oderso die Angst, dass ich auffallen könnte oder dass ich die Angst nicht verstecken kann. Irgendwie ist das total schwierig das ganze auf Deutsch zu schreiben..ich hab das Thema Anxiety mehr oder weniger auf Englisch studiert in den letzten Monaten..fühlt sich zumindest so an..

  41. Mark r Says:

    Erm can we stop typing in German please.

  42. Lui Says:

    Geht mir genauso Ist in letzter Zeit total eskaliert und ich bin richig schlecht in der Schule geworden Lebe halt nur in mir drin. Ich bin froh, dass ich auf Pauls Blog gestoßen bin, sonst würde ich immer noch denke, dass ich totkrank bin und es keine Hoffnung für mich gibt. Ja, ist irgendwie schwer das alles so auf Deutsch zu übersetzen, aber in Deutschland gibts ja leider irgendwie nicht viel Aufklärung darüber..Dein Englisch ist ziemlich gut übrigens!

  43. Wendy Says:

    In der Schule bin ich dadurch eigentlich nicht schlechter geworden, zum Glück, aber es ist einfach total anstrengend und ich bin Nachmittags meistens total fertig. Ich hab auch erst auf ganz vielen deutschen Seiten versucht was darüber herauszufinden und dann hab ichs irgendwann auf englisch gegoogelt und gott sei dank diese seite gefunden. ich dachte auch lange Zeit ich wäre ernsthaft psychisch krank und unheilbar und was weiß ich nicht was, aber ist ja zum Glück nicht so.

  44. Wendy Says:

    I’m sorry Mark. I will write the next posts in English again :)

  45. Lui Says:

    Ich dachte auch ich wär super krank! Ok sorry, let’s switch to English again lol!

  46. Scott Says:


    Did u get a hyperaware feeling that seemed to follow you around? I have come through panic and sleep but my anxiety latches on to silly crazy thoughts. I feel like my “anxiety radar” is on and i am watching myself for thoughts or if i will notice mundane stuff. Absurd really. But i am having a hard time shaking it. I have had similar stuff in past and recently came off a long stretch of good so this bump has been hard. I am probably fighting and being impatient. Fear is this type of anxiety is different or that my brain is stuck. Bothers me that incant see the absurdity in this…i want my present moment. I have been worrying about this alot for weeks now so inget why i have the pangs in my stomach and netvous energy. I am also trying to be better asap as my wife has stuck by me with this and i had a good stretch and i am afraid this will take awhile to dig out. I hate not being in the moment esp around my kids as i love them and want to be able to read to them, play with them without thay “one eye on me” feeling. Is this fixable? Thanks scott

  47. Jake Says:

    I am 18 and have gotten through anxiety for the most part. I use to be obsessed with how I felt 24/7 constantly trying to figure out how to rid myself of anxiety. Over the past year I’ve come very far. The one thing I can’t seem to face though is relationships. When I had my first panic attack about a year ago, which led to day in day out anxiety, I was dating a girl and had a lot of family stress in my life. Now, it seems that when I start to really care about someone as a girlfriend, my anxiety all comes rushing back. I start questions if the person is losing interest in me, if they still like me, and I analyze everything. Every little move I question. I try to understand that these are just anxious thoughts because of what I went through and with time they too will pass, but when I see my girlfriend day in day out, it is hard to differentiate. I feel as though I’m being needy and want constant affirmations to relieve my worries. I am terrified I am going to lose them. Though, I have never lost anybody. I was wondering if anyone has any advice or has gone through something similar? This just seems like the last hurdle and I am having a hard time making it through. Thank you!

  48. Kate Says:

    Hi everyone,
    I tried posting earlier but it doesnt seem to have worked.
    Ive been reading this site for a few days and finally have built the courage to post.
    Ive been suffering with anxiety for 3-4 months which I know is quite short compared to a lot of you but still utterly terrifying.
    I think my anxiety stemmed from being worried over my hair starting to fall out which sounds silly and worrying about my health on top of being stressed with work etc. I went to the Dr and my thyroid was borderline when I read up on this so many people talked about anxiety I think I brought mine on.
    It started with feelings of dread which would eventually pass but these become more and more frequent until it never went away. The Dr prescribed me some tablets which initially worked straight away after being up for two days straight they sent me straight to sleep.
    The anxiety went away totally but two weeks later it was back this time much worse and I had awful feelings of feeling detached. My mind felt like me but it didnt belong to my body this is what totally terrified me and still does.
    I googled every symptom and diagnosed myself with everything going I was driving myself mad.
    I finally found Pauls website and realised what I was suffering was DP. Finally an answer!
    Its only been a couple of days but Ive already started to put into plan changes. On Friday I felt so detached like my house wasnt my own. I feel so much better in company and out of the house that being alone scares me this time when the feeling came I didnt let it bother me instead I just shrugged and said its only a symptom of anxiety and just kind of carried on.
    I feel like I can actually get better for the first time in a long time theres just one problem. Sleep!!! I have the most scariest dreams that are vivid and so weird that I cant really explain them other than to say they border on me not being in control and losing my mind, I wake and it takes me ages to realise its not real. Its become so bad that I just cant physically sleep. If I fall to sleep I get like an electric shock and wake straight up. Im lucky if I get 2-3 hours a night and thats broken every ten mins. Any suggestions appreciated

  49. Lui Says:

    Thanks! It’s funny cause in the German post we talked about the fact that it’s much easier for us to talk about that topic in English. Germany is not really educated about dealing with anxiety so we get all the information from English websites..

    I got one last question. I am really confused. How are we supposed to accept anxiety but in the same time go towards it? Doens’t that exclud both of one another?

  50. Charlotte Says:

    Hi Kate

    Hello and welcome to the site ! I like you have kids and a home and have anxiety which is mainly around intrusive thoughts and feeling odd and detached. We all com

  51. Charlotte Says:

    Completly understand how horrible the feelings are but you sound like you are doing great to me as you are already accepting and seeing the difference it makes !

    There is loads of advice on sleeping on here if you through some of the old posts, seems like it really common and it was a phase I also went through. I also have a 1 and a half year old though who has never if rarely ( can’t remember am so tired ) ! Slept through the night so I’m used to a lack of sleep and I have to say it really doesn’t harm in the end, I used to sleep for 8-9 hours before I had children, I now average about 5 to 6 and it is always broken!

    I hope you are feeling a bit better today !

  52. Bryan Says:


    Congrats on your progress! You are on a great course to recover.
    There is a ton of info on sleep here, mostly that you have to give up the fight and go to bed not caring if you sleep, only intending to rest. Have a search through the old archives. Lots of people have overcome this.

    Keep up the good work.

  53. Wendy Says:


    haha, yes it’s so hard to talk about anxiety in german now.

    You go towards your anxiety with acceptance.
    Whenever anxiety comes try to say “enough is enough”, stop the analysing and go on with whatever you are doing. After saying that, don’t make the mistake to watch yourself if anxiety gets better.
    It will get better once you stop the worrying and the analysing.
    This is what keeps you in the circle and what keeps your mind tired.

    Going towards your anxiety actually means accepting it.
    It is nothing more than a feeling and you don’t need to analyse it.
    Also going towards your anxiety means for example if anxiety says ” hey, don’t go to that social meeting. You will get dp and you will feel horrible!”, just go there and don’t let anxiety rule your life.
    It’s not the social situation that makes you feel anxious. It is you!

    Hope that helps :)

  54. Kate Says:

    Thanks everyone it really is partly due to the fantastic people on here why Im being so positive. I know that changing the way I think about sleep is going to take time so Im going to try not to worry how much i get. I’ve been out for a few hours today to watch my son in the remembrance parade and I’ve really struggled with feeling dizzy and out of control and keep questioning if Im doing the right thing but I have just kept telling myself its ok to feel like this and carried on. I’ve just told my boss im coming back to work on Tuesday after 5 weeks off. I need to take control of my life again no matter how scary :)

  55. Lui Says:

    Thank you Wendy! That is helping me so much! So it’s ok to go on with my day and to not think about anxiety? Will it just go away with acceptance, non worrying and just not thinking about it? Might be a stupid question but I am wondering about that! :)

  56. Wendy Says:

    Yes it is the right way! just live your life and don’t care about anxiety.
    Once you truly start accepting it won’t go overnight. It takes time and practise but this is the only way.
    Some people on here said, that they called themselves recovered when they truly no longer cared about anxiety.They could still get silly thoughts or feel unreal, but they no longer cared and could easily dismish it as rubbish.
    It takes some time until you can accept anxiety. I find it still very hard at times, as anxiety really tries everthing to get our attention..
    but this is the road to recovery!

  57. Scott Says:

    Thanks elaine

    I have a fear that this type of anxiety is so odd compared to say panic attacks or sleep. Now dont get me wrong those were no picnics to overcome but what helped me with panic was realizing those symptoms were all physical for me and i could prove to myself that i could control it and eventually they did the slow fade. With this thinkingn stuff i get stupid thoughts like “what if i notice a fire hydrant” – totally absurd. The thought is stupid. Indont fear going crazy but i do fear that since i am hyperaware of stupid thoughts i almost look for them or test for them and of course i always fine the blue elephant. I have come out of this silliness before but it still seems to catchh me off guard and yes i am impatient, worrying and fighting. Not what i should be doing. How do we best accept this hyperawareness? Thanks for your reply and any reply from others much appreciated,scott

  58. Mark R Says:


    I was only joking!!

    I was truly terrible at German at school, I learnt for 5 years and can’t even manage one sentence!

  59. Lui Says:

    Thank you so much Wendy!!! You just gave me the key to anxiety!
    Haha Mark don’t worry! And yeah, even for Germans it’s ard to learn all te rules 😉

  60. Dave Says:

    This post is so true. I honestly after 2 years still don’t think I’ve truly accepted the anxiety. I have definitely got better. Much better. But whenever I do any thing or say something to myself there is that element of I should feel better after thinking that or doing this rather than feeling bad and really not giving a s**t. I think the anxiety isn’t so powerful anymore and am now at a stage of acceptance is definitely possible. Thanks Paul good advice

  61. Charlotte Says:


    I also get hyper awareness, and like you I always think it is really weird or odd but the fact that it listed as a symptom and is so often mentioned on here proves its anxiety and a habit. It doesn’t even need proving as it’s really nothing more than anxiety on a tired mind. I’ve also had really weird thoughts when self aware, I can remember watching tv and being really aware I was reading the road signs in a programme and thinking why was I reading the road signs that odd……..

    Like elainesays we should just say or there’s another weird thought and move on

    I also am not bothered by the physical symptoms or panic attacks really, not that I love them ! Lol but like u say I know I can control them to a degree.

    The psychological symtoms maybe seem worse to us as we feel we have less control, but we do actually have control, as once we accept and move on the thoughts and hyper awareness fade.

    Hope this is some use, and it’s also my issue at this time !

  62. Scott Says:

    Hey charlotte/ elaine

    Thanks to you both for the comments.

    Elaine- you make it sound simple! Maybe i make it way too complex. I do know that last year at this time i had a similar stupid thought that touched on this same fear and i just “let it come and go” and it did fade. I make silly comparisons- “well that was a different silly thought, the trigger was a specific spot” “this trigger is different” …that keeps me stuck i think

    Charlotte- yeah it is befuddling. I was coming off a really good stretch for me. This silly thought is always a what if i notice x y or z. Absurd. Who cares, right? It touches on my fear though that this is a defect of some sort. I have had other sticky thoughts in past, some fade fast some stick. When they stick i fight. When i fight i get all “up in my head” and test myself. Hence i struggle over such a silly thing.
    If you have any thoughts send them my way charlotte and i will do same! Good luck scott

  63. Dave Says:

    I don’t know if anyone could help me at all. Does anyone ever feel like they just have no personality. That they are weak because they worry about everything and if it ever came down to really standing up for what you believe in you wouldn’t have the strength to stand up to it. All I want is to be able feel that inner strenghth that comes on a good day permentantly. I sometimes feel odd because my personality changes so often due to feeling ok 1 minute and odd the next. Most of the anxiety related to the hyper awareness of my personality change comes down to how people perceive me I suppose.

  64. Kate Says:

    Morning everyone :) just wanted to say thank you for the help i managed to sleep better than i have in a while only around 5-6 hours and broken but much better than it was. When the silly thoughts came i just smiled to myself and reminded myself of how silly they were. Im struggling this morning thinking silly things like i can’t do this feeling so weird but I keep telling myself it is ME who’s making myself feel like this and its ok and not at all dangerous. Im going to visit a friend today for a few hours and going on a bike ride so concentrating on the outside not the in. Hope everyone has a good day :)

  65. Charlotte Says:

    Hi Kate

    Glad u feeling better. I took 5 weeks off work earlier in the year due to anxiety, going back was hard but really pleased I did as at home there is soooo much time to ponder why am I like this, what is this wierd thought etc !

    Well done you, hope u enjoy your bike ride,it’s raining and grey in cheshire!

  66. Kate Says:

    Been really hard this mornin but feeling more upbeat now :) Im guessing that’s natural? Yeah its wet and grey in West Yorkshire too but at least everyone will think Im just wet from the rain and not from sweat 😉
    Dreading work to be honest but life must go on and dont want Santa not being able to bring my kids some great presents

  67. Charlotte Says:


    I dreaded work as well and don’t forget you will feel naturally anxious as would anyone who has had time off. Mornings for some people are the worst, it’s true for me. I’m at home on a Monday with my daughter and I find it hard as it’s just us, but I’ve decided to spring clean one of our rooms today so that will keep us busy !

    When u go back to work it might be useful for you to have some notes or print outs from the blog that you find useful, so if u do feel anxious you can read something, I do that a lot and am always looking at my phone !

    Let us know how u get on


  68. lorryt Says:

    Hi Jake,

    i have just read your post and i totally identify with you, although my circumstances may be slightly different, i have the same sort of questions in my head ….am so scared of losing a relatioship that has only just got going, need constant reassurance from anyone that it will all be ok, when truthfully its the anxious thoughts in my head that i should be accepting and treating with the so what attitude that i had developed a few years ago. i came through a huge anxious spell only by doing what paul had told us all in his book, but recently it has all come rushing back. I guess we have to just like you say put it down to memory and habit…. and like you say it will pass, just accepting that it will pass can be really hard sometimes. I chose to end a long marriage after a lot of unhappiness, so thats where my anxiety roots from.As with you scary thoughts rush round my head, but thats all they are is thoughts, we give them power by feeding them and 9 times outta 10 they are all crap !!!!!… can be tricky to let it all go, but if we keep practising and are patient ( no not my strong point either!!!), then we will get through it…i dont know if i am making any sense, but am here if you feel the need to sound off anything. All we need to keep reminding ourselves is that we will be ok, and we are where we need to be xx
    i hope i have helped a little x

  69. rachh Says:

    Ive suddenly become really selfish. I dont know whats going on but all i care about is me and this is not me at all. What is going on:( i feel like im going to be stuck like this forever not giving a shit about anything or anyone:(

  70. Renee Says:

    You have described exactly what I’ve been going through for the last 3 months. I also took medicine but unfortunately seemed to make my anxiety worse and did very little for my depression. I’m switching to another med hopeful that this will make a difference. I really try to follow the advice of the book but I think the most challenging is dealing with the DP. I wanted to comment on you post because you mentioned feeling as if you don’t belong to your body and that your house doesn’t seem like your own. I can relate! It such a strange feeling when you feel everything around you feels wrong or odd including yourself. As for the sleep, I struggle with that as well but the dreams were a side effect of the medicine. There are some very good sleep meditation apps out there to help you might want to try. I hate to hear people going through these feelings but its a bit of a relief to know you’re not the only one. Good luck.

  71. Kate Says:

    Thanks Charlotte today has been really hard anxiety been terrible which i think Im learning to accept and just let it come but the dp been almost at a peak. Decided there’s no way Im letting this thing win me now i just have to accept i feel this way and not freak out over it. I keep telling myself its only the adrenaline

  72. Charlotte Says:

    Kate I’ve also got dp today maybe it’s a Monday effect ! Anxiety is probably high as u are challenging it by deciding you are going back to work. My sister once said to me just before I went back than your anxiety doesn’t want you to go back to work as it wants you to stay at home so you can concentrate more on it !’ Lol ! So true.

    Keeping just taking things slowly and try to focus on tasks, not to take your mind off the anxiety as hat doesn’t work, so let the anxiety go with you and alongside you as you carry on with your day.

    Lorryt – hello ! I’ve read some of your older posts as you seem to have been around at same time as some of the others ie Candie etc . Sorry to hear you have had a difficult time but sounds like things are on he up for you, and maybe don’t be too hard on yourself as you’ve been through a major life event.

    Rachh your not selfish, you are just dealing with an annoying habit that takes your time and energy and it’s totally natural to be focused on yourself. You’ve had a good time recently , so you can do it !

  73. Kate Says:

    My dp never leaves me just much worse today. Yeah probably true due to work didn’t think of that. Went to visit my friend who’s just had a baby and wanted to go within five minutes but managed to stay for an hour. Im feeling a bit better now keeps peakin then easing off. Gonna sort some things ready for my sons birthday on Wednesday this afternoon so should keep me busy.Hope your dp eases soon and thank you so much for helping me x

  74. lorryt Says:

    Hi Charlotte,

    Yes, i was around a few years ago, but managed to get back on my feet ok, and i guess i shouldnt be so hard on myself, just accept and slow down!!!..i try and keep going no matter what which really doesnt help..i have been through a huge life changing event..and thanks for pointing that out as maybe i need someone to remind me i am not superwoman and allow myself to feel x x

  75. Jake Says:

    Hi Lrroyt,
    Thank you for your post. It did help and it made a lot of sense to me. It’s comforting to know others have anxiety around similar things. I am trying to not attach myself to my thoughts and let it be, but sometimes it is near impossible. For example, how can you be in a relationship at all if your arms are tingling, you can’t eat dinner with the persons family, etc. I guess what is hard is accepting anxiety with the realistic pressures of being in a relationship. Also, I know I am only 18 and relationships aren’t huge, but it’s not necessarily the seriousness of the relationship, but as soon as I start to care about another person in that sort of way.
    Thank you!!

  76. Doreen Says:

    I think if all the strange things that we have allowed ourselves to feel anxious about were listed here the page would go on and on. So in the end it proves that we have taken the anxiety to those places/objects/people, not the other way round. So those of you currently affected by things like noticing a fire hydrant or traffic signs on the TV please just let them be there – like a tune running through the head but means nothing

  77. Lui Says:

    Now I know that I have to accept anxiety. Does that mean that I also have to accept that it’s hard for me to uphold a conversation, and that I’m often quiet around people? That’s the part of anxiety which is bothering the the most!

  78. lorryt Says:

    Hi Jake

    thats what we are all here for to help each other, my relationship lasted 18 years, so its a huge life changing event, i didnt realise how big a thing i did, but should of known that my anxiety may have kicked in, (which it did), and thats why i am on here again, it was a real life saver last time round adn i have forgotten a lot of the things that i needed to get past it all and accept. I know that when i am anxious i need to have someone close by, i hate being alone, so now that i am alone, when i see my new partner its a huge relief, like i have been holding my breath, almost like i need him here to stop the anxiety when in all truth its only me that can accept it and let it go. One of my fears is losing what i have with this guy…its almost like its in my head when hes here and i feel myself watchingall i do and overanalyzing all that he says. I know the overanalyzing things was a bit of a monster for mebefore so dont expect that one to go away that quickly. I will get through this, and i need to remind myself that , as will you too. we will all look back on our experiences and think what was all that about !!…keep the faith with the advice on here and you wont go far wrong, it wont be easy but it will be worth it xx

  79. rachh Says:

    Can i aak what to do with negative thinking/bothersome irrational thoughts.. For some reason i seem to listen and latch onto the negative thinking and my positive thoughts are either not there or dont stick around because they dont bother me.
    Everything at the moment is very very negative and i seem to keep feeding my anxiety and i suppose depression now and i just feel like im going to be stuck in my own head thinking negative strange scary thoughts forever. (Anxiety playing its tricks again).
    I suppose if it was forever i would get used to it anyway.
    The negative thoughts are making me so unhappy though should i treat them as lies?

  80. Josie Says:

    Shelley –
    Thanks so much for sharing your amazing story. It is very similar to mine and fills me with confidence.

  81. Kate Says:


    My dreams started through medication too but i panicked over them and so the anxiety latched on. Im coming to realise how silly the worries over my dreams are and Im trying to laugh at how absurd when they come into my head.

    Personally I’ve tried a few medications and I dont like how they make me feel thick headed ( my dp first came while on medication and the doctor said feeling detached is one of the side effects) I’ve been off for almost two weeks and actually feel more in control as im only relaying on myself instead of some tablet but i appreciate everyone’s different.
    The DP for me is by far the worse part but Im of the thinking the less i let it bother me the less time I’ll have it :) although having days like today really test me :(
    Im here if you ever need to talk I think just knowing your not on your own makes the world of difference x

  82. Kyara Says:


    Let the thoughts be. We are not our thoughts and we need not feed in to them. Our minds are going to be on the run for the time being so that means a lot of unnecessary thoughts are going to pop up we have to stick to knowing it’s anxiety and not questioning it. My anxiety all started with 1 scary intrusive thought. I felt like a complete monster. I obsessed over this thought, thought about it day and night and tried to convince myself I didn’t mean the thought every time it popped up. I was fighting. If I had let it be and known this is just anxiety I would have been just fine. On one of my better days I realized all of this mess (anxiety) has been caused of stupid thoughts. A thought pops in my head and I respond with fear. I’m sending a message to my brain that I’m in danger when in reality I’m perfectly fine. My brain doesn’t know I’m not in danger because it doesn’t have eyes, but I CAN react differently. I can be aware of what is anxiety and not feed into it. It’s a process and it’s one that no one can give us a guide to, that’s why it seems so hard. I know I often question myself if I’m going about acceptance the right way. I do not allow myself to feed into this thought. I don’t go analyzing how I have started practicing acceptance. I let the day come and I let the emotions, sensations, thoughts etc come one by one and just categorize them as anxiety. I’ll often feel like I’m not really ‘there’ like none of this is real and instead of fighting I just let it be. I tell myself this is anxiety and I go on with my business. After doing this for a little while my anxiety has decreased. I have days where my mind is going a thousand miles a minute but I don’t sit and analyze or think about it I know it’s caused by an anxious mind and I know this will take time to go away. I have found that I cannot argue with and anxious mind nor can I trust any of the negative thoughts that are produced by it. I still feel my heart pound, feel dizziness, feel moments of sadness, irrational thoughts, feeling like I can’t relax, DP the list goes on but I don’t analyze it. I let it be and tell myself one day this will pass but for right now I have to let this be if I want to see that ‘one day’. I hope this helps a little!

  83. Wendy Says:


    yes, accept everything! Anxiety can steal a lot of your confidence.
    I also got extremely shy from it and that’s not really me.
    But I know that the real me is only hidden under all these sensations anxiety causes.
    If anxiety leaves you, you will be yourself again and you will be able to hold a conversation! The people who are recovered also often say, that they are a much more stronger person now and that this hard way gave them an inner stength. Don’t worry about any sensation, put it all under the same umbrella, accept it, don’t care and move on.


    I absolutely love your posts! They are very short, but so so motivating!
    Could you maybe try to explain how you felt at the end of your recovery or
    at the point where you started accepting?
    I have so much knowledge about anxiety now, but my thoughts still scare me somehow..

  84. Charlotte Says:


    That was a lovely post . Interesting to note that my anxiety also started with one horrible intrusive thought that I also analysed and built on, if only I had know and understood at the time – but they say hindsight is a wonderful thing !

  85. Renee Says:

    Thanks for the message. Much appreciated. Mondays are always so difficult. I’m going to continue trying the medication route since I have some depression going on and that makes me more concerned. I know there is a chemical factor here as well, not to mention pre-menapause challenges. But with medication, its hard to tell if its the meds making you feel this way or your anxiety! I’m just trying to accept and let whatever thought comes. We will get through this!

  86. Matt Says:

    I’ve seen recent post’s about DP. What helped me is going through the archives around 07-08…there were some blogs about it with people suffering and those same people that suffered recovered, they shared their stories. I was so bad I was housebound for months everything was something to fear, my bedroom, tv, etc. But once I understood that it was my mind that was on alert mode 24/7 then I decided to make a change.

    First, I went out into society again, did little things…scared the crap out of me at first..but eventually the more I consumed myself in living the less I forgot about DP. It is curable and it is nothing more then a condition of anxiety, a scary one, but that’s all it is. For me, I just had to reconnect myself to life and at times force myself too.

  87. Scott Says:


    Hey matt – just wanted to say hope you are doing well. Alot of your posts helped me in the past. So thanks for taking the time to post.

    While i do not know what DP is i have had bad anxiety episodes triggered by obsessive thinking patterns and while the content of the thought is absurd i get caught up “in my head” and being “hyperaware” and i lose my present moment and rather than accept i fight. What if i am stuck? What if incant get rid of this? What if this is a brain issue? I look for “it”…maybe that is common with all of us but rather than see it as a worrying behavior brought on by anxiety i fret and stew. I have come out of it a few times so evidence should be there. I think because i had a good stretch inkind of forgot what a major pain it is and i hate the feeling i am letting down my wife and my kids. Anyways thanks for your many posts they help. Scott

  88. nell Says:

    I have been so stressed at work lately that sensitization crept in again . I guess this is normal but we shd prob realize that stress exists daily and it can make us anxious. So long ad we are aware of it n dont FEAR, we willl be fine. We will suffer the symptoms but we won’t break down.

  89. Marcus Says:

    Thank you guys for the response!

    I find myself having recurrent scary images and testing my memory quite a lot lately. For example repeating the alphabet in my head just to make sure im not losing it… I fear developping some severe OCD and getting stuck with this for life…

  90. Kate Says:

    You have to do what works for you everyone is different. We certainly will get through this :)
    Thank you for that Im going to have a look through now. I think Im heading in the right direction as my sleep anxiety has become so much better and my vision a lot clearer with Dp so i can see some changes.
    Hope everyone has a good day

  91. Nick Says:

    Hi guys,

    Really hope you are all well. I’ve not written on here for a while and things have been going great but the past couple of weeks have certainly been challenging due to getting a new job! I was getting really bored at my old job and the prospects weren’t great, so I decided to go for something much more challenging, which I know I could be good at if I wasn’t as anxious as I am, so I decided to go for it, was successful, and here I am! The future could be great if I am good at it, but it is so different to my old mundane job. I have to plan my own stuff, talk to experienced people about things on a daily basis and hit targets, a real good challenge…

    Now here’s the “but”… Because the first few weeks haven’t been the easiest as things have been a bit disorganised, I have found myself worrying so much about it, whether I have done the right thing, I wake up thinking I wish I didn’t have to go to work, it was so much easier in my old job, what if I don’t succeed/let everyone down etc etc! I KNOW exactly what is happening but because this is such a real situation I’m struggling to accept!

    Does anybody have any tips for this situation? Hope so gang!


  92. LizB Says:

    HI all

    Have been away from the blog recently, but have been really struggling the past few days. Feel really stressed at work at the moment, although flagged this today and feel a bit better for flagging this. I have been sleeping so much better but didn’t sleep last night as I was worrying and couldn’t relax, felt like a tense board all night! Shattered today and got a headache, upset stomach, feel spaced out etc. I’m beinf hard on myself too in my inability to cope with small things.

    Mark r how are you?

    p.s whanted to say thanks to Paul for a great post. I shall keep re-reading!


  93. JOE PRO Says:

    Does anyone ever get a blank mind/trouble focusing when shopping at the mall or Costos/BJs. Almost like there is too much too take in and process with your eyes jumping from item to item. This is my last symptom I have trouble with after a 6 month setback. I am still able to shop and gather all the items on my list its just like my mind is not flowing with the information correctly. It is like not being able to multitask or think about other things while shopping in a relaxing manner. I know fluorescent lights make things worse but its like my focus is non existent and I’m just trying to cope with each aisle I am in. I know its just anxiety cause feel fine after getting back to the car but how can we get our minds eye to take over and give our eyesight a break instead of trying to focus on everything that comes into our vision? Thanks for any info and if I can help anyone else I have recovered from all other symptoms many time before. It just takes time and relaxation! God bless.

  94. Kyara Says:

    Joe Pro,

    I’m also in that stage right now. I find it really weird I don’t question it or get upset by it but it is frustrating sometimes. It happens at work also. Are you still thinking about anxiety frequently?

  95. rachh Says:

    Can i ask y does it feel different/wierd when you get back together with someone after a break up. Is this anxiety? Ive googled it and there is loads saying that you shouldnt get back together after break up and im worried now:(

  96. Rebecca Says:


    I think the worst thing is to google anything, I’ve diagnosed myself with allsorts and now I tend to not do it. All that will do is make you more anxious if you read things negative. I feel it best not to make big decisions as we can feel a bit sensitive and emotions all over that’s for me anyway. Xx

  97. Dave Says:


    That’s exactly what I get. The simplest tasks seem such an effort. And I always think that my brain is just wired wrong or something. For example, My brain just feels foggy and the thoughts slow and hard to distingsh or separate them. When I’m relaxed I’m shocked at how easy thinking normally is and relies it shouldn’t take much effort if any

  98. Kate Says:

    So Im not doing too well today while Im back throwing myself into everything even starting back work today i can still find myself watching myself all the time and questioning in my head even when Im feeling much better. Has anyone that’s recovered suffered with DP 24-7?

  99. Lucy Says:

    Yet another useful post with lots of helpful comments. This has really been invaluable for me since I discovered it! I haven’t checked in as much lately so I can feel things are heading the right way. Infact tonight it was more because I wanted to see how everyone else is doing, than because I thought I needed advice. Got myself through a job interview yesterday so I am hopeful about that, although my old friend anxiety is trying to think of lots of reasons why it’s a bad idea. I liked what you said Charlotte about it not wanting you to return to work so you can spend more time at home thinking about it! Been generally ok lately and that’s not to say that I’ve not felt any urges to leave certain situations, or anticipated anything, or been uncomfortable with any physical feelings, just that if that’s how I am, then that’s how I am! I know now that it all passes it’s just a matter of building my confidence, although I’m guessing this will come in time. I literally feel as though I have been to hell and back and then some with this and experienced 99% of the symptoms in some shape or form, naturally I still feel a bit fragile but eventually it won’t be a big deal anymore. I want my good days to continue but I’m perfectly aware I could wake up tomorrow feeling awful! The difference is simply acceptance. All through this setback I’ve fed my anxiety exactly what it wanted, and now I feel like it can do what it likes but I’m still having MY life. Some of you might remember I was crapping myself over my brother’s wedding and all the travel involved, well it’s less than two weeks to go now and the worry has really lessened. What will be will be. This applies to everything! X

  100. Lui Says:

    so I am really down right now! I went out with friends to a concert today. I tried to accept all those anxious feelings I was having and to not care about them but it wasn’t working quiet out.
    As soon as I met my friends I was thinking about the anxiety the rest of the evening. I have no confidence in myself anymore. I wanted to say something and nobody was listening to me. I got really anxious but I tried to say my opinion or to start conversations. It’s hard, really really hard. Now I’m worrying that this just might be my character? A person without an opinion which nobody listens to. It’s depressing. I don’t know how to deal with that. How can I change that. how can I do tat people listen to me?

  101. Marco Says:

    Having a terrible time at the moment. For a few weeks now I’ve been feeling different, no longer desperately anxious, just kind of flat. Moments of reasonable emotion here & there, but generally just flat without much feeling. I’ve now cocooned myself at home & I’m questioning myself regularly: “Why do I feel like this now? I thought I understood this, now it’s changed, what’s happened? I don’t know what’s going on anymore.” I find myself questioning whether I’ve got depression or bipolar. I’m also regularly questioning my whole personality & everything about me. I feel stuck, I go to sleep late & wake up late. I feel extremely overwhelmed & my head feels a stuffy mess. I hope this made sense. Would really appreciate some feedback.

  102. Kyara Says:


    I think it’s the anxiety. You can’t trust the thoughts of an anxious mind. If you were bipolar you probably would have some very angry moments for no clear reason. The depression is present probably because of the anxiety. Your brain has shut down the emotions because it’s trying to protect you from all the worry. Remember you have to still live your life regularly with the anxiety. The anxiety wants you to stay home and drown in self pitty because that part of your brain believes it’s protecting you, the more rational part of your mind knows that this isn’t right and you’re searching for a way to make it better. Stop questioning, stop researching, you absolutely still understand this because you can’t forget what you’ve learned. It’s all anxiety talking. Allow yourself to feel however you feel don’t feed into it. When you start leaving yourself alone and start just going through the day you will feel better. Talk to people even though you don’t feel like it, be happy because you have no reason not to be. We’re alive and breathing. We have the tools we need to recover we just have to trust our body to allow it to do so. As you begin to just let it be it becomes easier to change your attitude towards it. Look into reading The Users Guide To The Human Mind. This helped me a lot too.

  103. Rebecca Says:

    I’m to having a rough time. I’m thinking there’s something more wrong with me. I no it’s only me that can make my attitude change towards this but it’s really frustrating me. Just one of the bad days I suppose. Sick of it even though I no I should be accepting this thing but I feel so much anger towards it today. It’s gonna be a long day. Hope u all have a better day xx

  104. Wendy Says:

    Hello everyone,

    I try to give some good advice to hopefully answer some of the questions above 😉
    The mistake lots of people make is the following: They get anxiety and instantly try to do something against it ( positive thinking, exercising, ) , but they still watch themselves to see if it helps and if the anxiety goes away or not.
    If you want to recover you actually don’t need to do anything! Someone on here once said ” anxiety is not an illness, therefore it needs no cure!”

    You have to stop watching yourself all day! This is what keeps you in the circle and what keeps your mind and nerves extremely tired!
    All the sensations you feel are caused from a tired mind, nothing more!
    Your nerves are tired and you can give them the rest they need by not analysing everything!

    Also a lot of people accept anxiety for a short time and then become frustrated because it is still there.
    You have to know that just because you have the tools for recovery it isn’t an overnight thing! Don’t get frustrated if anxiety doesn’t get better at first.
    Claire Weekes also said ” always go that extra 1 % ” which is so true!

    Recovery takes time, but if you truly follow what Paul says you can recover!
    Also remember that everything is already okay, there is nothing wrong with you. All you have is a tired mind and so you know the reason for all your sensations, so is there any need to analyse them???

    And Lui,

    anxiety can steal some of our confidence, but you won’t be like this forever! Once you are recovered you will be yourself again and probably much better and stronger!

  105. Rich Says:

    Hi Everyone, I’m new to this website and to Paul’s excellent book (which I’ve just finished reading). I have had anxiety and ibs for over 15 years. In the last 2 years I’ve been pescribed ADs which did initially help a lot, then I got worse after reducing the dose, then felt better, and now seem to have reached an all-time low.

    I Had such a horrible October I have been back to my GP for a blood test and an increase in the ADs which have not changed a thing, however I have also begun hypnotherapy once a week which has greatly helped me.

    I suffer from GAD but also really bad anxiety before any event, meeting, meal out, holiday – you name it, which is dominated by fear, dread and worst of all, ibs and the need for the loo – frequently. Most of the time if I don’t chicken out of events, I have suffered the entire day before (and now it seems several days before) that I cannot look forward to anything and just fear the worst – even if the event itself goes ok.

    Relaxation therapy has helped me no end. I take peppermint oil tablets for my ibs which I can’t figure out are helping or making it worse! but the constant inward thinking, checking, analysing and worrying is killing me.

    I am at the beginning of the recovery process – but until I can stop my ibs kicking in each time I feel the anxiety, I can’t see how I can ignore it.

  106. JOE PRO Says:

    Our minds our just very tired at the moment and have turned off a lot of our emotions/awareness. When we try to rationalize why we feel this way we are in essence fighting. Anxiety cannot stop you from doing ANYTHING it just feels like its harder. I’ve had the worst DP racing thoughts disconnected hopeless feeling but when that switch turns off it ALL goes away. You cannot even remember what it felt like cause all your normal emotions return to take anxiety’s place. I know this to be a fact cause it has happened 3 times. Our relaxed minds eye takes over and we stop focusing on everything in our vision or internally. Its like the movie of our life starts playing again and we are in the moment. Right now the movie is paused cause some of the films reel is stuck. Its still there and eventually will start playing again. Your brain is fine and smarter than you think and is actually just protecting us from all the stress we don’t handle correctly. We all need to lighten up and realize we are worrying about things that will never happen and cannot happen. Going crazy having a heart attack not being able to care for our kids ect ect . We are humans and are at the top of the food chain made in God’s likeness and God does not make mistakes. The cure is to totally experience these feeling emotions and sensations KNOWING #1 they are temporary! #2 they cannot harm us in ANY way. #3 they will make us stronger and this is as bad as it will ever be. Anxiety cannot get any worse we have made it through cause we are still here helping each other and I thank all of you for it. I would not change having anxiety cause I have seen the worst and know truly that I’m not alone and will not be allowed to fail and neither will YOU. :-)

  107. Rebecca Says:

    Great post joe. X

  108. Claire Says:

    Hello Everyone,

    I’m going through a really tough time at the minute. I last had a bad bout of anxiety about 4 years ago. It was the worst I’ve ever felt. Constant bad thoughts in my head 24/7 and not sleeping. I went to the docs and got prescribed Sertraline and referred to a counsellor but whilst ‘googling’ I came across Paul’s site and bought his book which helped me loads and I promised myself I wouldn’t go back to that dark place….but here i am again. I had a beautiful baby boy 7 months ago so when I started sleeping less at night, I was lay awake trying to go to sleep, then the thinking started….thinking stuff like ‘oh no I can’t sleep that must mean something’ which spiralled into ‘oh god I’m going to get poorly again’ I feel terrible yet again. Crying, shaky, very low mood, not sleeping, the constant feeling of dread, no appetite. You name it!! I don’t really want to go to the doctors but feel this is my only option and I think they may think I have postnatal depression?! I’m due back to work in 2 weeks as I’m currently on maternity so I’m scared of breaking down in tears. I honestly feel like I’m going mad even though I’ve gotten through this before. I think I’m thinking of the memory of when i was poorly last time and its all come flooding back. I tried reading Paul’s book again but finding it so hard to just accept it. I can’t remember how I did it last time. I’m so scared and don’t know what to do.

    Can you give me some advice please?

  109. JOE PRO Says:

    I just caught myself questioning DP and needed to post the facts of this condition inspite of feeling the symptoms. For all of us here we need to stay positive especially when feeling our worst. I am currently experiencing a setback and it like I almost forgot that I have been recovered for over a year. I had a few stressful events that I allowed to overflow and my mind went back into protective mode. I only think about anxiety when I’m in it and that’s normal but its the worry and fear that keeps it going. None of my fears have ever come true and so I’m just left with these silly symptoms. I am not going to react with surprise or bewilderment since I know exactly why there here to slow down my mind and give it a chance to rest. I will continue to slowly work my way not expecting to feel better. Just experience it and move on. I will be back when my mind is ready and I will grateful. This is what acceptance is and its the only way to back for any of us. Please everyone just allow your selves to feel this way and don’t question any of it. Keep positive and write positive posts for each other. You guys are all blessed to be on such a journey of self exploration and you are never lost or alone. Sorry for the long posts but I needed to get back to what is going to help not what I’m feeling which is what your feeling ANXIETY! Nothing more and not a monster just a passing experience. Believe it…..

  110. JOE PRO Says:

    To Claire

    First off congrats our your beautiful baby is this your first? I have 3 of my own and the youngest is 3. I had an episode as well when my Wife was pregnant with our 3rd child and its all do to overflowing stress and adrenalin especially when trying to sleep. Secondly you have to relax and understand this is all temporary and understandable is your situation. Having a baby is a blessing but we as parents sacrifice our comforts when the baby is first born. This is with or without anxiety so its normal the lack of sleep ect ect . Remember you have been recovered for 4 years and have already overcome the worst that anxiety can throw at you. Accept the feelings and don’t change anything you do in life regardless of how you feel. Take time out for yourself with nice hot bath and drink chamomile tea everyday. Your homones also take time to settle after child birth but just focus on your family and take life slowly its a marathon not a sprint. Accept that your fine your baby is fine and things are exactly as the should be. You will be fine and be so much stronger if you just face that its all temporary. Don’t question life just live the best you can and be thankful to be among all of us going through the same. We will all get there I promise is just takes time and a different perspective. You are more than you possible know!

  111. Rebecca Says:

    Hi Claire,

    I sympathise with you and no what your going through. I have 3 children and I have been going through this for the past 6 months. I have 2 other eposiodes but I was younger and seemed to snap out of it I don’t no how. I had the doom feeling wash over me once every minute and it was really scarey. Now I get that feeling about 9 times a day so I’m really grateful for that because it did scare me. I’m really struggling myself so just no your not alone, you want go mad, and you will deafintley recover again because you have allready done it. I do believe time is a great healer. Also jus to try and change our attitude towards anxiety. I no this because the more I try to work it out and fight the deeper I fall. But when I don’t care it’s sum what a bit more manageable. I haven’t had a good or normal day from when this started but I have noticed the symptoms sometimes are more manageable so that for me is conformation that Paul’s method works and I deafintley will keep trying to accept what ever anxiety wants to bring to me. I no how you feel chick just believe you can do it because you will. X

  112. Claire Says:

    Hi Joe & Rebecca,

    Thank you for your replies, yeah he’s my first baba. Bless him. I’m just finding it sooo hard to do anything. Can’t relax. Constantly thinking the worst. Always there 24/7 and so much worse on a morn. I struggle with the thoughts really bad even though i know they are untrue yet they are always there. It was only a few months ago I could dismiss them and they wouldn’t bother me. I wish I could do that again but really struggling. It’s like I’m thinking of the memory and the thoughts I had from my last episode and it’s starting again? I’m sick of crying. I try not to because that means anxiety is winning? Do I just need to carry on as normal even though its so hard? It’s like i just want to collapse and breakdown! Simple things like going to the shop filled me with dread and panic,I just wanted to get back home?! I don’t want people knowing I’m feeling like this that’s why I’ve only told my partner but I don’t want to worry him and just want to be normal again :( xx

  113. Rebecca Says:

    Sometimes if feel like I could run outside and scream, it’s so scary i no bit that’s whats keeping us in the circle the fear. I cried every day the first 3 months now its very rare I do. You need to go with it, allow it to be there. And with your thoughts just let them be there don’t answer them or force them away its just a tierd mind. I have had some scary thoughts but I no that its just a thought and not me. I tell myself with the thoughts that its o.k and that’s as much attention I pay. I don’t pannick, or try to get rid I just allow it. Don’t get me wrong i no it’s easier sad than done but practice makes perfect. I’ve had a rubbish day today but on a positive note I’ve had more time to understand the feelings of anxiety more if that makes sense lol. Tomorrows a new day. Just carry on doing you every day thing accepting anxiety to come with you and your thoughts don’t fight your fine just to allow it to be there. Xx

  114. Rebecca Says:

    I wish this phone wouldn’t automatically spell things.

  115. Rebecca Says:

    I’ve also just sat in the car afther going shopping and just cried. Thinking why can’t I do a simple task like that. Honestly the first 3 months I was a zombie I had to stop with my mum because I couldn’t do a simple task I really thought I was losing my mind. I cried to my mum telling her that if I did would she take care of my kids. It wasn’t till I found Paul’s website that I found improvements so I’m so thankful to him. I now can do the shopping, cooking, cleaning ect. I now how far I have come, all you need is the tools to recover and Paul have them so I no I will recovery and so will you and everyone eles.

  116. Claire Says:


    Did you go to the docs with it or just get on? The last time I felt like this I didn’t wanna be on my own at anytime so always had someone with me because I was so scared. I’m debating on whether to go to docs tomorrow but then I’m thinking it’s not really the tablets that make you better it’s you! I know what I need to do but finding it hard. I just need to carry on as normal as I possibly can even though inside I’m a wreck!! Thanks Rebecca xx

  117. Rebecca Says:


    Yes I went to doctors and she told me to take Valium, but I refused so I don’t no about medication and if they work. I knew I had to face it one way or another. I no how you feel honestly, trust me you will do it and just no your not doctor did refer me to a counsellor I’ve been twice but I can tell him more then he can tell me. I guess the road to recovery lies with ourselfs. Keep ur chin up and just no you will get through this. And I no what you u mean I look normal but believe me I feel like a wreck inside. Xx

  118. Charlotte Says:

    Hello Claire,

    There are a few of us on here with young children, and we know how hard it is to cope with a baby asawell as anxiety. I had exactly the same as you when my daughter was 8 months old, last October, I started with extreme anxiety, panic attacks, retching, not eating or sleeping, and the constant not wanting to be on my own. I had also had anxiety previously after the birth of my son which was 4 years earlier.

    My anxiety started last October and I returned to work January this year. I went to my GP a number of times and got very little support. I decided to take matters into my own hands and I saw a psychiatrist privately. She was lovely and just confirmed it was anxiety in the post natal period.

    I found this website much later, and I would say with this site plus claire weeks CDs have been my real turning point in accepting anxiety.

    I am not recovered but I am on my way.

    As our circumstances are very similar please let me know if I can be of any further help, I do check in here quite often.

  119. Charlotte Says:

    Meant to say Rebecca, I totally agree with everything you said above ! I also cried everyday initially and also made my mum come and stay with me, and cried that if. I lost my mind she would have to have my kids.

    Now I can nearly laugh about those times, as my mum is great but actually so annoying that she became part of my recovery as she drove me up the wall staying with us !!!

    Claire, in my opinion it’s best to cry if you want to, if you hold in your emotion it’s not good, and that’s what I think Paul advocates, just let whatever comes happen and then slowly and as calmly as you can move on with what you are doing.

  120. JOE PRO Says:

    As you can see Claire you are not alone and there are many with your exact same symptoms. It anxiety so just tell yourself been there done that! Remember anxiety can only make you FEEL strange but your NOT. Let your body heal by going through the strange feelings over and over until your desensitized to them. Anxiety can only do so much and it has to die down as your body can produce only so much adrenaline. It our own reaction to the sensations that keeps us in the loop. React with a “whatever attitude” and tell anxiety to keep on coming cause your not going anywhere or will stop doing anything because of it. This is VITAL. Do everything you did before anxiety because that’s what your relaxed mind will remember and will eventually flip the switch ending the episode. It happens so subtle that you don’t even notice the change until your far removed from the mindset. Time and patience and lots of love to baby!

  121. Kate Says:

    Morning everyone,
    So I’ve conquered the worry about having silly dreams and I’ve gone back to work working non stop so i figured I should be starting to sleep better now but Im back to 1-2 hours a night which makes me worry that my Im not going to recover from DP as sleep is crucial :( I’ve tried reading watching tv meditation you name it but nothing works feel like Im stuck in limbo and the frustrating thing is Im actually coming to terms with having DP too and feel like I can get there if only I could sleep. Anyone else had this with DP?

  122. Lucy Says:

    Rebecca, I am another one who can put my hand up and say I’ve had the same symptoms, telling my mum she’d need to raise my daughter if I lost it, then thinking how bad everyone would think of me if that happened.. That I’d be a terrible person not even being able to be there for my own child how a mother should. I detested being alone too and it literally terrified me, I would stay at my mum’s even though it made life more difficult to get to school etc, just because I felt more comfortable. Please believe me when I say your brain is playing tricks! The fact it can get us in such a bad state only proves how much you care underneath, even if that gets clouded because of how the thoughts can consume you. The best thing, like plenty have said before me, is just to allow those thoughts. I would say I’m not recovered but right now I’m definitely better than I was through doing that, it just takes some time for them to lose their power.. And they will! Just stick with it. I also agree that I can tell my practitioner more than she can tell me! I’ve realised over time that they may help, but ultimately it is us who hold the keys to free ourselves from this.

  123. Charlotte Says:

    Hey Lucy

    What are we all like ????lol !!!

    Meant to say I saw your post the other day and so well done you on your j

  124. Charlotte Says:

    Ob interview . Have u heard anything yet ?

    Also so pleased u are looking forward to your brothers wedding, are you a bridesmaid ? Or have you just got a fab outfit to wear as a guest ?

    Hope u well

  125. RachelT Says:

    Hi all,

    I have GAD and panic attacks. Im a mum and have a full on job. I am “trying” to be accepting. My definition is not caring, not engaging. I think this is the right way? I have overcome agrophobia, I have gone back to work, I understand what is happening to me in a theoretical way and I can function now. I just “feel” awful most of the time. I go where I want when I want and do what I have to do when I have to do it but still I “feel” awful. Facing your fears over and over works 100 percent. I am living proof of that so anybody on here who struggles to go to the supermarket and panics at just the thought, it will work!

    The way I feel comes in waves, days of being ok, days of (weeks sometimes) feeling horrid all day. It feels like it comes and goes with no influence from me that is conscious sometimes. I can have a great day and then wake at 4am with the thud of dread before I’ve even opened my eyes, I think, right ok let’s get up and get moving, don’t engage it’s just the same old stuff. Sensations will carry on and then my mind starts racing then I DR and that’s it I’m back in it. I still carry on with my day but now I have symptoms that embarrass me, my hands visibly shake, my voice wobbles and I become very quiet. I don’t trust my reactions when I drive and then start to question if I’m going mad. Same cycle over and over for a year. I come out the other side and don’t believe I’ve anything like a mental illness and my reactions and shakes etc all stop.

    Please can somebody relate and tell me how it stops revolving.


  126. Lucy Says:

    Charlotte, I know! It’s good when you can see it for what it is though, that’s half of it in itself before it stops bothering us.

    I didn’t get it unfortunately, the manager told me he was really happy with me and would have taken me on, but the owner thought I’d be unreliable because I have a child. Even though I said I have plenty of people to help as well as an after school club, so that’s put me on a bit of a downer but oh well.
    I’m not involved but the little one is a flower girl so she’s excited :)

    Rachel – if you have overcome agoraphobia you can 100% go the rest of the way. Even on the days (weeks, that’s me too!) of feeling bad, just continue t

  127. Lucy Says:

    to accept it. You know it will pass and you will come out the other side again so just ride with it :) I’m not the most experienced cos I’m not out of the woods myself but I would say more time and patience. I know it’s hard but as I said, you know you can overcome it because you’ve overcome other stuff. x

  128. Charlotte Says:

    Hey Lucy

    I’m not alawyer but I don’t think that’s a valid reason not to offer someone a job. It is hard with kids especially when they are ill but u sound like u have plans in place – I use after school clubs, but when one os ill I have to phone work and take a days holiday to stay at home .

    Keep on l

  129. Charlotte Says:

    Looking if u do want to get back. Don’t let persons inappropriate decision affect you. Flower girl awww – I bet you will be so emotional at seeing her u will forget all about anxiety !

  130. Kyara Says:

    Well I’ve had a fairly decent week, but this morning I’ve been struggling with an intrusive thought. It popped into my head last night and I was fine, it popped back up this morning and it definitely got me. I’m ok with thoughts that I’ve already had but this one was new and gruesome to me. This thought truly breaks my heart. It has put me in a funk and I know this is where I would usually fall back into the worry cycle. How do some of you handle them? Did I go wrong with responding with fear? I’m trying to just accept this is anxiety.

  131. rachh Says:

    Can i ask.. When i look into the past couple of years i have never seemed to be content unless im changing something. If something happens that i dont like i dont accept it i try to do something to change it. Or do people find they get fed up/annoyed/feel they dont click with other people? Is this a common trait of anxiety, i feel like im such an odd person and that im never going to be happy.
    Im hoping that this is something i will overcome and learn from my anxiety. Does anyone who has recovered/recovering feel they appreciate life more?

  132. Charlotte Says:


    It is just a thought, I’ve had a horrible one today aswell. I’ve had a lot of counselling on intrusive a and I’m sure you have read a lot aswell. Some strategies that work for me are:

    Write the thought down and then rate how strongly you believe it will happen on a score of 1 to 100%. I did this with my thoughts and was rating the more outlandish as 0% as I just knew they were rubbish.

    You can also write it down and just throw the paper Away as it’s just rubbish.

    Reread Paul’s section on intrusives and also some of the old blogs had brilliant posts as this is just anxiety 101 !!

  133. rachh Says:

    I think what i mean is that im always wanting more more more and never seem to just be happy with what ive got.

  134. Lucy Says:

    Yeah Charlotte, I’m not quite sure that what they’ve done is right either. Surely the ad should’ve stated “no parents” or something, or they would’ve known by my CV that I’m a mum so shouldn’t have asked me in?! I was really quite annoyed though, so that’s shown me perhaps I wanted it more than I thought I did and getting back out there is what I want to do. Plus, it was nice to be frustrated about something other than myself for once! Ha. I’m not as apprehensive because I think I’ve let go of the panic to a degree, it’s still intense but I’m proving to myself more and more I don’t pass out/die/be sick/do something crazy… At the minute, I’m handling it! How has your day been?

    Rach I’ve felt similar but I think ultimately anxiety has shown me peace of mind is the greatest thing you can have! I don’t click with that many people, I either like them or I don’t and I know fairly quickly which one it is in most cases – always been that way. It doesn’t mean you’re odd, Mark R on here recommended The Happiness Trap to me, I’ve not finished it yet but it’s good so far.. Sounds like it could be useful to you too, because I was always thinking “if things are this way, or that way, or I get this, or that happens to me, maybe I might be happy then.” But we don’t need to wait for all that stuff to come to just get out there with what we already have. Chances are if all these things happened to me anyway I’d STILL find something that was missing or made me unhappy!

  135. Charlotte Says:


    If you wanted you could speak to citizens advice, my understan

  136. Charlotte Says:

    If I hit submit too early one more time I will scream !!!

    You are not allowed to advertise for a job And say no parents etc and I’m pretty sure you shouldn’t dcline someone as they have a child, depends how you feel but you could speak to citizens advice ? They are free, but as with all work things depends how far you want to take it.

    Rushin out tonight, one of the few times me and my husband have been out in 5 years ! Sad I know !

  137. Rebecca Says:

    I also get intrusive thoughts sometimes and they really do make me question why the heck would that come into my head. they really do scare me and I know that’s whats keeping me going round and round. I no what I should be doin when this happens, But some just really scare me and make me hate myself for thinking something like that. I know I’m not my thoughts so I’ve just got allow myself to relize that.

  138. Claire Says:

    Thank you very much for your replies and encouraging words. It’s nice to know that I’m not alone. Our minds are funny things aren’t they! Dear me! I’ve done this once and I’ll do it again!! It’s not stopping me from doing anything no matter how bad I feel, I’ll just push through it! I’m due back at work in 2 weeks and like my partner says it’ll take my mind of constantly thinking about how I’m feeling and my thoughts. I’ll sleep then I tell you!! I’ll just fall into my bed haha!!

    Thoughts are just thoughts…not facts. Just gotta believe this myself! I will eventually!! There’s times I listen to myself about what I’ve thought and laugh as it sounds so ridiculous when you say it out loud!!

    Well I’m off to watch Children in Need as I’ve just spotted Gary Barlow…the other man in my life haha!

    Take care everyone, speak soon and thanks again xx

  139. JOE PRO Says:

    Now your talking Claire! Get out there and show anxiety who’s boss! Watching Man of Steel myself!

  140. Lucy Says:

    Yeah realistically I could go there, others have said the same but I only have one phone conversation to go on! I hope you had a nice night out, it’s deserved with little ones :)

  141. Valerie b Says:

    Hi everyone
    I have never posted on here before but have been reading all your comments. I have hit a bit of a bad setback at the moment and feel like I have forgotten everything I have learned. To be honest I have been relieved to have been feeling better lately but always feel anxiety is still laying underneath just waiting to suck me back in. I thought I was accepting but when I look back I think I was more watching myself thinking today was a good day but I still feel not quite me . So I am looking to be honest for a bit of reassurance that I will recover from this nightmare. I know Paul gives great advice but I feel that I can’t accept these feeling and thoughts without feeling an element of fear. Thanks for taking time to read this and any advice would be really and truly appreciated x

  142. Kate Says:

    Hi everyone,
    Just wondered if anyone had been suffering from chronic insomnia? I’ve tried everything I can think of but I dont even feel tired and when I nod its for five minutes at a time. This is my 3rd day of no sleep. I was doing so well accepting the Dp and the anxiety and now this! Thinking of getting something from the Doctor to aid sleep?

  143. Kyara Says:


    Have you tried chamomile tea? I’ve been told to try this. Haven’t gotten around to it yet. What about melatonin tablets?

  144. Kate Says:

    I have tried the tea yes but never tried those tablets? I’ve tried sleep meditation the hypno one, warm bath massage, nytol, you name it but thing is I dont even feel tired but I know Im painfully tired I know that doesn’t really make sense. I’ve tried the whole going to bed knowing Im not going to sleep but I Just feel like I can’t deal with the anxiety and Dp till Im getting some good sleep :(
    Thank you for commenting back to me :)

  145. Kate Says:

    Im in to see the Doctor this morning for something to help me sleep as I’ve been up a straight 36 hours for some reason Im terrified of going to sleep? My question is has anyone else been on medication while recovering and actually recovered? I really wanted to do this medicine free but i need sleep to focus I know I can do this if I could just get some sleep seems when i get some confidence something else comes along to take that away :(

  146. Kyara Says:

    Melatonin is natural. It’s what our body produces to let us know it’s time to sleep. It makes you feel really drowsy but you have to be laying in bed not moving around when you take it or else your body isn’t effected by it. I tried it and it helped me fall asleep but I never had issues sleeping until I was worried about sleeping. I changed my attitude towards it and just went with the flow when I laid down for bed. I believe when it comes to sleep aids you aren’t going wrong with it. You won’t care to take the sleep aid once you get some sleep. Some people need that little push to help and that’s ok as long as you go into it knowing it isn’t going to cure you. I hope you get some sleep and start to feel a little better!

  147. Sandra Says:

    Hi I’ve been suffering from anxiety for nearly 2 years and feel it has taken over my life. It all started with a health scare. Once I felt ok with the scare the horrible scarey thoughts started. It is always the same what if I kill myself sometimes I get so carried away with it I believe and this really frightens me. I had a great happy life before this u feel I’m not the same person. I’ve 3 children and a very supporting husband. I tried private psychology but didn’t find this much use the thoughts didn’t move. I’m so scared this thought will come true. Any advice how to deal with this. I’ve bought Paul’s book but feel like I’m going round in circles in my head. I know I’m fuelling the thought but just find it so difficult sometimes to move away from it:-(

  148. Rich Says:

    Hi All, I posted higher up about my suffering with anxiety and ibs. It makes going out for meals a traumatic experience and has also given me social anxiety and am hypersensitive to anything relating to needing the loo or food.

    I have been better, but am currently worse – but this time I am armed with better advice and a greater understanding of why I feel like I do.

    What I am struggling with is how I am meant to accept the anxiety and not avoid things. The symptoms I get (the need for the loo and a total loss of appetite) stop me from going out for meals or eating proper meals at mealtimes because I just cannot eat.

    My appetite comes and goes, but my lack of wanting to eat is just sat at work or at home – not out and about as I’m currently avoiding this due to the lack of appetite.

    Has anyone any advice as to how I approach this? At home I just eat what I feel like (not much at the moment) but it’s stopping me doing ‘normal’ things as I know right now I won’t eat when out. Should I just ride this out and start accepting anxiety when I can at least eat?

  149. SarahS Says:

    Hi all I’m one if the oldies on here as in time in Recovery rather than my Age! lol! I’ve been recovering for a few years but view this quite proudly ad my anxiety was long standing and I had a lot of habits/safety nets to tackle. It’s taken time.
    I’m now at the stage where I’m still quite withdrawn at times, I’m quite quiet natured anyway but like a good giggle and a chat still but I do feel inward. I try to chat and open up but it can feel like an effort. Also my feelings haven’t resurface really and I often feel quite numb and tired no matter what the situation. I wondered if this is to be expected please? X

  150. Kate Says:

    I’ve got something from the Doctor so going to try that tonight i dont want to take them just need to get some sleep in me as my dp and anxiety are raging so much so that I nearly took myself off to the hospital today :( managed to talk myself down just dont understand the whole fear of sleeping i used to love snuggling up in bed. When i nod on the sofa its like my brain gets zapped the minute i nod off really thought id have slept by now :(

  151. Marcus Says:

    Hello everyone,

    Reading these success stories really gives me hope in recovery. I seem to have hit another rough patch lately… I constantly have the fear that I’m developing schizophrenia. Every time i think of something or hear myself talk in my head i question whether this is a sign that the illness is starting

    My mind seems to be playing tricks on me.. I’ll start to think on how a schizo would hear voices then my mind creates all these scenarios on how voices would be heard.. I fear it so much its making me sick. Then I imagine myself being put into a mental institute and my future is gone…Or that ill snap and do something awful…

    Has anyone else experienced a similar fear? How do you differentiate between inner speech chatter or voices being heard ? Really hard to function this damn thing…

  152. Claire Says:

    Really bad day… don’t know how I can go from thinking positive to so negative. My main problem is thoughts and the need to tell my partner every single thing I think even though they aren’t true. It kills me. My counsellor from the other year told me to distract myself and not to tell him my thoughts as they are just thoughts but it makes me feel so guilty when I have them. I’ve thought every single thing going and a thought popped into my head earlier that what if i harmed myself, then thinking that this would all go away if I did but I wouldn’t dream of harming myself and it’s petrified me. Finding this so hard and I’m feeling so unhappy but trying to be normal.

  153. Lucy Says:

    Marcus you only have to read over older posts to see that this particular thought is classic anxiety..! It’s like you test yourself what it would be like to be schizophrenic. I used to get it really bad when I was dropping off to sleep, and I’d be starting to dream then startle awake and think “oh my god I heard a voice.” When it was just down to being in that inbetween awake/sleep stage. It’s once that I deal with much better now , even though it still pops up now and then. Bottom like is if you were going crazy, you wouldn’t know and definitely wouldn’t be anxious about it! That has been said on here many times before. We all have that “inner voice” in our heads, when my mind was racing at 100mph with thought after thought I used to question if that was a sign too. Let me just tell you I’ve had this 10-11 months now, and I’m still not crazy, still haven’t done anything outrageous, still haven’t been locked up! It really took time for me to come past this one but trust me, you can, when you treat it just the same as any other anxious thought. Give it no respect and remember you KNOW deep down its rubbish, let it be there if it wants to be.

    Kate – I hope that helps and you get some rest. x

  154. Aquinas Says:

    I’ve read alot on here about people with sleep anxiety. I find this anxiety so interesting (not trying to make light of it).

    I read a story once that a philosopher (Peter Kreeft) told. He was on a bowling team and they were going against another team that had one really good player. This player was so good that he would more than likely have been the reason why they would lose.
    Peter approached the great bowler and said, “Man, you’re just incredible. I want to be as good as you and I’ve been trying to watch you so I can learn. But I have one question: what do you do with your left arm when you’re bowling”. *the bowler was right handed*.

    The bowler was alittle confused and responded, “You know…. I’m not sure what I do with my left arm. I’ll have to pay attention next time I’m bowling.”

    And it threw off his game entirely. Something that required no conscious attention became the focus of conscious attention.

    That’s what sleep anxiety is doing to you.

    You’re thinking, “what herb, what pill, what routine should I do to help me fall asleep?”
    Is my sleep hygiene good enough? Should I get out of bed if I’m not asleep in 20 minutes? Should I do sleep restriction? What what what what what!?!?!

    Here’s my simple advice: stop doing it all. Stop everything.
    Sleep hygiene? For someone with anxiety based insomnia issues (especially anxiety that has latched itself on to sleep in particular) sleep hygiene is the WORST thing you can do.
    Why? Because it puts so much focus back on your sleep.

    Acceptance is important to kill the rushes of fear, doubt, anxiety, and panic that you get. As Paul would say, “let it come”. React to it with little emotion, “meh, so what”.

    Take this example. Start focusing extensively on your breathing. Pay attention to the in and the out. Consciously make the effort to breathe in and out. Take this automatic action and put it under the scrutiny of excessive conscious attention. What do you think would happen? The same dang thing that’s happening with your sleep.

    I bet if you were to google “breathing anxiety” you’d find similar examples to your sleep anxiety. Where one innocent person started paying unnecessary attention to their breathing. So much so that they feared if their body could even perform the act without their constant monitoring.

    These blogs are great. Incredibly helpful. But, when you know what to do you need to stop the searching and move on with your life.

    Take this fella with breathing anxiety. What’s his problem? He’s trained his sub or unconscious mind to be hyper alert to his breathing. He impressed upon his mind that somehow this is a very imporant issue that needs constant attention. He’ll get waves of panic, doubt, fear, anxiety during the day whether or not he’ll ever be able to consistently breathe unconsiously again. He’ll cry, “why me! in the prime of my life… why now!?! Why at all!?!?”

    He’ll come to blogs and forums that tell him all of the things he needs to know in order to ‘breathe right’ again. And then he’ll revisist and revisit and revisit over and over and over again.

    What message do you think this sends to your body? Do you think this is going to aid him in forgeting that he even has an issue? Of course not.

    For sleep anxiety you need to simply forget it and let go.
    Come here for the knowledge you need and then take that big leap of faith.

    You can’t both lessen the attention you pay to it and at the same time constantly be frequenting the internet for support for it. Sending your body two different messages at the same time. What one do you think you’re body (already primed with anxiety) is going to listen to? “everything is okay” is going to be drowned out by “danger, danger! alert alert!”

    If you knew someone with a breathing anxiety you’d tell them. “Good, you now know that it’s not something you consciously do…. so quit going out of your way to research it further.”

  155. Kyara Says:


    It’s anxiety 100%. I too am there today. I have let my thoughts upset me because I believed my thought about being depressed. When I think about being depressed I think of the upmost worst form of depression ever, loosing interest in everything possible, not wanting to care for myself or children, wanting to commit suicide. I know in REALITY that isn’t me and I know I would take myself to get help before anything of that sort would happen. We have to use that rational part of our brain and say ok this is anxiety and the product of an anxious mind we cannot control what it tells us but we can choose to not believe it because we know REALITY is farthest from it. We cannot argue with an anxious mind. It will always try to one up us and convince us that what it is telling us is true. So we have to let it be. It feels so weird for me to just ‘let it be’. It’s like my mind kind of feels like ‘hey this isn’t right, you’re supposed to be freaking out.’ Recovery isn’t about ‘feeling good’ but keeping the right attitude. It’s a process too. You’re mind will be at a tug-o-war with positive and negative and this is where you have to float. You will strengthen that positive side. That’s my big picture and that’s what I focus on. When everything inside of me is saying ‘you shouldn’t be so calm with these thoughts’ I remember that my goal is to not be anxious so I need to remain calm. I find myself saying that I NEED these anxious moments and thoughts so that I can recover. Very weird I know but it’s gotten me this far. It’s not going to be a comfortable ride but it will be rewarding in the end. xxx Hope you have a better day.

  156. Claire Says:


    I’m finding it so hard. Probably because of the memory of my last episode and all the thoughts have come flooding back from then. Constant headache, can’t eat, walking around like a zombie?! Feel like I’m in my own world. I’m reading Paul’s book and through some notes but it’s not sinking in. I’m trying to say they are just thoughts and my partner doesn’t need to know them but if I tell him i feel relieved for a while then another thought will come and there I go again. Going round in circles and it’s totally battering my head. Confess, relief, guilt…Confess, relief, guilt. I just wanna say it’s just a thought and I am but then straight after i’m ill with the thoughts again. I don’t wanna end up in hospital with this. I feel like I will the way i feel. I don’t know how to let the thoughts just be there without affecting me as they are always there and upsetting me so much. If someone asks how I am I’m saying I’m fine but I really wanna tell them I feel like I’m having a breakdown!! What do i do?

  157. Kyara Says:


    You just need to relax. I too was VERY scared and thought I was going to end up admitting myself to the hospital because I just wanted it to go. I wanted it gone now, but then I realized there is reality and then there is this crazy mess that is going on IN MY HEAD. We have NO control over our thoughts, and going to the hospital wasn’t going to help me get rid of it any faster. They would keep me for who knows how long that’s time spent away from my life, my kids the exact thing that has helped get me out of that hole. It’s hard to accept anxiety and it’s sometimes difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel but the real only way out of this is by accepting that we’re going to have these crazy thoughts, we’re going to feel like complete garbage, we will feel guilt, ashamed, relief etc but when you have a clear mind you will see it all for what it reallllly is.. they are thought’s, feelings, sensations etc that we have trained our brain to react with fear to. I’ve read 3 really great books that have helped me, Paul’s book, Claire Weekes Hope And Help For Your Nerves, and The User’s Guide to the Human Mind by Shawn T. Smith. You aren’t going crazy you’re just desperate to feel better and it’s bringing you down even more. You’re trying to get out of a hole by digging. I was on antidepressants and they didn’t help. The side effects aren’t worth it. Time heals all wounds and that’s a fact. You just have to be willing to let that time pass.

  158. Rebecca Says:

    Hi Claire,

    Honestly I felt the same and still do sometimes. But what makes it easier is that I don’t have to do nothing, I don’t need to listen to the thoughts because its is just what it is and I’m me like they say actions speak louder than words. I have had some heart breaking thoughts. I have thought what if I would harm myself but I no I wouldn’t because my fear is death. Just give in to it don’t tense and fight and know you don’t have to do anything. At the beginning honest I was so so bad I couldn’t watch tele, cook, ect. I no you will be fine and don’t feel guilty for any thought cus it’s just a thought. Xx

  159. Charlotte Says:


    I have also been in the exact same place as you, not sure if you sAw my reply to your first post . When the anxiety is very high, just try to do something active but keep it slow and calm, the change of state will help to calm you. Don’t worry about the headaches and not eating they will all sort themselves out when the anxiety comes down. I lost 2 stone which I was and still am delighted about !!! I had put on a massive 5 stone when pregnant so I used to think to myself “every cloud has a silver lining” lol.

    Having good days is a really good sign, u r doing great

  160. Charlotte Says:


    I had to laugh again at our similarities as I used to worry I had schizophrenia and also think I heard voices as I was falling to sleep or waking up. I clearly remember one time I was sure I heard a voice on waking up, and I remember what it said ” put your socks on “. It was 3 am and I had a massive panic attack, I woke my husband up to tell him hysterically that I was schizophrenic And a voice had told me to put my socks on!!!

    If it hadn’t been so awful at the time I could laugh about it now and actually it is hilarious – can u imagine if I had gone to hospital what they would have said…

    Marcus, schizophrenia is very different to anxiety. It is a very different illness, I do know someone who has it and it is extremely on obvious to even a lay person like me that there is something different about my friend.

    People who have delusions etc cannot tell that they are delusions as it all appears real, they would not question it.

  161. Matt Says:

    Has anyone had drinking problems as a result of their anxiety? Last year I considered myself recovered and then a few months ago I had a setback…and resolved back to drinking again. I’ve drank moderately until a few months ago and now I wake up and have horrible anxiety and don’t have the energy to do anything.

    I mean literally, I feel so weak and shaky that I don’t even want to get out of bed. I live with my parents, and it’s a long story, but they are extremely worried about me and I have to get off this alcohol. But it’s like my anxiety is so high that I have to drink to reduce it….I know this is not the solution at all..but some advice would be great right now.

  162. Matt Says:

    I’ll be completely honest…I live in the US and drink 20+beers per day. I know that sounds like a lot and it is, before I would have a few a day or not even drink at all til the weekend. I know it’s a crutch but it’s damn hard to get off it right now when my anxiety has returned, I feel lost as hell.

  163. Matt Says:

    I know I’m posting alot…but the place that I worked at was with people that were “Intellecutually challenged”, or so called mentally retarded. I am trained in mixed martial arts and saw this coworker throwing tennis balls and even chairs at some clients. I told him to stop. and well….I broke his nose and could have done a lot worse…that is why I quit my last job because the house manager and everyone working there would have his back and I don’t have the money to get a lawyer. This coworker said it was a client that did it to him…so I quit my job and thats when I started drinking heavily….2 months ago.

  164. Kate Says:

    Thank you :)
    I totally agree I know what I have to do I did make huge progress where i could lay in bed as at one point just being in my room gave me anxiety. Im not fond of the dark as my Dp seems to heighten in the dark so think its a combination of the two.

    So last night I took a tablet. Had a terribly weird dream about turning into ash and me losing it which did freak me quite a bit but my lovely husband talked me down and i managed to sleep for 6 hours :-) woke up ready to fight the world again so hopefully no tablet needed tonight.
    Just want to thank everyone who replies your all such lovely people x

  165. Bryan Says:

    Matt. You need to check in somewhere. Do not try to stop that much alcohol cold turkey. You need medical attention. Please seek it and take care of yourself.

  166. Nikki Says:

    I am so sick of these physical symptoms – aagh! Yesterday was horrid. I am trying to live my life with anxiety but it is not easy. I have joined a course which meets three times a week. I have managed to go for three weeks now but boy am I exhausted. Having to sit with my anxiety in the course is not easy. Yesterday I woke up shattered but had arranged with a friend to go to a craft fair. The minute I walked in my legs turned to jelly. I felt faint and every part of my body wanted to run back to the car. I told myself it was just anxiety and kept waking round the stalls. I wanted to hold on to things to steady myself but I didn’t. My friend and I got a cup of tea which helped my body settle. I then went back round the stalls and was able to buy a few things. I felt good and at that point should probably have gone home. However my friend asked me to chum her to a shop. Immediately my adrenaline kicked in and I felt all trembly again. I decided tho to take my anxiety with me. We had to walk quite a bit to the shop which was hell ish with jelly legs. The shop was mobbed and I couldn’t do it. I made her leave the shop and we walked back to the car. Then I got annoyed that the anxiety had beat me so I took the car round and parked right outside the shop. We went in again but it was truly awful. I have never shaken so badly in my life. As soon as she got her stuff I was in the car and home again. I feel defeated. When oh when will this get easier. When will I see signs of recovery. Will I ever truly recover or is this it? I keep telling myself that I was beyond exhausted yesterday from attending the course and should probably have been gentler with myself but its really no comfort whatsoever. Xx

  167. Kate Says:

    Im new to this so others will come and offer better advise but I just wanted to say I think you did great you didn’t let anxiety get the better of you. You showed it you were in control as you went back in. I think you need to have more belief in yourself you can do this and recovery will come in time. Also would you have even gone at all before you started this process as if not I think its a big step to recovery :) hope you have a good weekend x

  168. Lucy Says:

    Yes Charlotte, I was sure I heard, “you’re exhausted.” Well, I did, BUT it’s from being in that state of sleep. I was convinced at the time it was voices that I couldn’t get back to sleep, so terrifying but I can see now looking back it was silly! As you say even with anxiety, you can see that other people’s problems are very different to our own. We wouldn’t even be aware of it, because it wouldn’t seem like it shouldn’t be happening.

    Rebecca, I’ve had similar thoughts about harming myself, even walked to my mum’s at 7am before because I’ve thought I couldn’t be alone. I fed the anxiety exactly what it wanted! But like you say this is also a stupid one because during panic attacks/high anxiety I’d be terrified of dying!

    Nikki – you should be really proud that you went and done what you needed to do anyway. Clearly it was a challenge taking the anxiety with you, for now it will be, but you done it anyway. Even though the whole outing wasn’t pleasant, it went how it went and you achieved it :) it does take time but it WILL improve.

  169. RachelT Says:

    Hi everybody,

    I wonder if somebody could help me. I have been having panic attacks today which I am really please to say I have managed to stop very quickly when they have started ( I would be so pleased with myself for this but….)
    This evening I just can’t relax,understandable, but my obsession with psychosis/ schizophrenia has popped up. I have been lying down trying to relax and i think my hearing has gone quite acute and I keep thinking I can hear noises, it’s making me really jumpy. Is this an anxiety symptom anybody else has ever had? I’ve never had this before and it’s frightening me.


  170. Kate Says:

    Yes its an anxiety thing. I had the self and same thing. I used to ask my husband if he could hear silly things like the fridge humming and I was almost listening out for voices. Now i just laugh whenever the thought pops into my mind and it hardly comes at all now :)

  171. RachelT Says:

    Thank you, Thank you Kate! I was thinking today that I can’t imagine how Paul and other long term sufferers coped without the Internet and forums. I know they can be unhelpful sometimes but Paul’s site and this forum are a god send for me. Thanks again and I hope you are well.


  172. Charlotte Says:


    I have acute hearing loads. I also have the psychosis/schizo obsession, so has Lucy, see our above posts !we thought we could hear voices not just noises !!!

    If you have had panic today then your adrenaline will be high. To go back to basics with anxiety, if you were in a flight or fight situation and had released adrenalin, your hearing and sight would response to the adrenalin and switch to high alert mode.

    It’s completely normal in anxiety Rach, with adrenalin high, you will feel on edge, it normally takes around 48 hours for adrenalin levels to come down naturally, quicker if you burn it off with exercise.

    Hope you can relax a bit. X

  173. RachelT Says:

    Hi Charlotte,

    I have just read Lucy and your posts. I have just laughed and cried at the same time at your post “put your socks on “. It’s such a relief when you know it’s just this stupid anxiety!

    I never had a fear of mental illness before so have no idea why this has become my obsessive thought. I sometimes think I’d prefer to go bonkers then at least I wouldn’t be worried!

    I’m 3 days off it being a year since my first panic attack.

    Thanks for replying


  174. Charlotte Says:

    Hey Rach

    I’m just over 12 months since the start of mine after my second child. Mine started in October half term last year. I think fear of mental illness is so common for anyone who has experienced anxiety. It’s my biggest fear and one I still haven’t fully accepted.

    I know someone with schizo and I met someone who has delusions, neither were anxious, they are the opposite, ie quite laid back, dreamy etc. my psychiatrist told me jokingly that psychiatrists say the have two types of patients, the neurotics and the psychotics. Anxiety sufferers fall squarely in the neurotic category !!! This helps me a bit, you might also find a bit of relief from it ? Also completely different neurotransmitters are involved in the brain, and they don’t cross over ie one can’t become the other .

    I know all this but I don’t follow my own advice lol !!

  175. Lucy Says:

    RachelT I think it’s fairly normal to note when it’s been a certain amount of time, I remember Charlotte saying the same when it had been a year for her. For me it’ll be the first week of January and I still sometimes think, “this time last year I was fine.” That said, recovery doesn’t have a time frame and I still consider myself lucky that although this has been one hell of a year, I came across this quite early on when others have suffered for years and years before realising that this is all actually fairly normal and there’s a light at the end of the tunnel if we want it. Of course you never had the fear of mental illness before because you didn’t have the anxiety… It latches on to different things for different people but regardless of the fear, it’s all the same.

    Charlotte, I didn’t know about the neurotransmitters but it’s a useful one to hear, sometimes I think “I know this is anxiety BUT if I worry myself enough for a really lengthy amount of time, will it develop into that?” I know that’s another anxious thought but I’ve also got something to back it up with now too! Ha. Re accepting it, I don’t know if I have fully but I know it’s a hell of a lot better than it used to be.. And the longer I accept the more it’ll improve.

  176. rachh Says:

    Rachel T i have had this anxious thought too.. I really scared myself silly with it i woke up in the night and my head felt numb.. Not that i would normally tune into my head was.. I then believed a chunk of my head was missing and then oanicked because i believed it and had to check! I have also woke up in the night during my ‘schizo thought episode’ listening to my thoughts word for word thinking is this what schizophrenics hear and listen to because im listening to and believing the anxious thoughts i must be.. I also listened to the pipes clinking or sounds coming from the loft/boiler and thought i must be the only one thinking this and waking up my family to see if they could hear it too. Which they obv couldnt because when your nerves are going ten to the dozen your senses pick up on anything and make it seem bigger/louder..
    The joys of this anxiety..
    I think the point is when we are anxious we can convince ourselves of anything if we go looking!!
    Go looking/dont force yourself to stop but see it as anxieties tricks not real.
    Wish i could take my own advice when im off on one though.

  177. rachh Says:

    Sorry about grammar/spelling issues.. Tired and on phone.. Xx

  178. RachelT Says:

    Wow, please take this the right way because I wouldn’t wish this on anybody, but I’m so glad it seems so common. I’m more concerned now that I’ve just realised I’m watching Take me out. Then as is always the way I flick on the guide and on the other channel “stark raving mad”. I assume its a bit like when your pregnant and you see babies everywhere!

    Thanks everyone

  179. Kate Says:

    I was watching the after show of one born every minute and a lady who had given birth on the show earlier was talking about having anxiety and how she struggled. I immediately started to get panicky and turned it over (was the same if anyone even mentioned the word crazy on tv) but realised that’s not doing me any good so i turned it back over and made myself watch it even though it was extremely uncomfortable its really silly how little things really get to you with anxiety

  180. Nikki Says:

    Hi kate and lucy thanks so much for your words of encouragement. They really help. Yesterday was completely different again. Ended up running all over the city with my hubby going into loads of shops. We were looking for Christmas presents and were trying to buy a new tv for the house. Not a panic attack in sight. I did feel anxious at times but it did not overwhelm me. Today unsurprisingly I am exhausted. Just going to go a nice walk in the country. No traffic or shops to contend with.

    Matt you take care of yourself. You will come through this phase. You more than anyone knows that you can’t overcome anxiety using alcohol. Keep posting and accessing support for yourself. Xx

  181. RachelT Says:

    Hi everybody, I am so please I posted last night and so grateful that people took the time to reply. My day has been different today. I have still been having spontaneous peaks of anxiety all day but again I can recognise what is happening and bring myself back down by not reacting and believing. If its been quite strong I have had the “crazy” thought but have immediately remembered what everybody posted last night and ive just smiled

    I think this is a huge breakthrough? I just wish it didn’t scare me still but I assume this will fade as well when this process becomes more of a habit.

    I wanted to ask about recovery. When I have felt better in the past I have realised I was running away, distracting and avoiding. The next time I just tried not to think or speak of anxiety during that period as I was frightened if somebody even blew on me I would fall back in. Because of this I don’t have any concept of how real recovery, and the confidence you can maintain it, will ever come or how that would feel?

    I don’t have anybody around to talk to about any of this or to sense check stuff that I worry about with most of the time so please excuse my rumblings sometimes

    Nikki, well done you!

    Hope everyone is well today

  182. Kate Says:

    Well done :) its a huge breakthrough keep doing it and it will get less and less.
    Im just starting on my own road to recovery its taken me about a month of constantly reading Pauls blog and book to finally accept that Im not going to wake up ok one morning and I’ve accepted that Im going to have anxiety for a while. Dp is the think that terrifys me but Im just going to take it with me no matter how scary as it beats the alternative of staying stuck in this rut.
    I think until you walk into your fears you won’t ever truely recover so that’s what Im trying to do. I also think constantly looking up information on dp is doing me no good so Im having a bit of a break from everything and concentrating on getting my life back.

  183. Kyara Says:

    Hi All,

    I’m in a weird stage right now and don’t really know what to think about it. I’m not really feeling anxious just ‘foggy, blah, I know when to smile in conversation but I feel like it’s fake. I don’t feel happy and don’t really feel sad hut I know feeling like this makes me divert to thinking I’m depressed. My thought process seems slow and I feel like it takes me a second to do what I thought of doing like getting the broom. (Sorry for the tmi) it is that time of the month so I keep telling myself this is just anxiety this isn’t depression and it will pass in time. I’m now watching everything I do to convince myself of this depression obsession. If I leave laundry to fold the next day, or dishes etc. Has anyone else experienced this?

  184. Lui Says:

    Hi everybody!
    So I’m pretty good at accepting now but need one more advice I guess! I just have developed so many techniques of protecting myself and avoidance techniques and my problem is that I don’t know who I am! My whole life has been a lie! My anxiety got a lo better last year! I realised that I am not an introvert but an extrovert and that I was hiding away all my life! I pretty much never was my realy self! I now feel like I am hitting a brick wall! I am just not able to tell people what I think or tell them sth about me! I am always so scared of being judged! I don’t know to hold up a conversation, well I have never had a real conversation that I was interested in in my life because I was always that scared! I have no confidence at all. The funny thing, I’m quiet popular cause people think I’m funny and plus that I respect everybody. I am a master of covering up how I feel. I get invited a lot but most of the time I am cancelling anyway. People like who I am. If I change and get over anxiety I might be a different person and people might don’t like me anymore but I’d probably feel a lot better being myself. Any experiences on how to overcome all the avoidance and layers of social anxiety? Would appreciate it.

  185. Pia Says:

    Hi everyone,

    Haven’t written in awhile. Been doing ok but really need to stop googling constantly! To recap, I’ve always been high strung and it never bothered me. I’m 34 yo. I used to actually kinda take pride in nervousness. I’d say yeah my hands are shaky cause m a nervous wreck and laugh and not give it a second thought. I’ve always been a hyper person, not add but just high energy. Used to love to get lost in thought. Laugh at my inner ramblings. I hate it now. I started with minor health anxiety now transformed into terrifying fear of becoming depressed and killing myself. A coworker did it last year, so I guess it stick in my mind. This started the day after I thought I was having a heart attack and went yo the cardiologist who said I was high strung and it was anxiety.
    It’s crazy because then I’ll have chest pain and be scared I’m gonna have a heart attack and die. Oh, the things my Mind thinks! I’ve done every depression, scizo, bipolar quiz and I’m not depressed or anything. I refuse to take meds or even rescue remedy because I need to have my faculties at all times. I have seen 3 therapist who are not at all concerned and happily brought myself to our local mental hospital when this first started. My poor mom and boyfriend cried in the hall. The psych there said gad and I was home in 30 mins.

    I’m always questioning myself thinking is this or that normal, foes everyone have constant mind chatter or crazy thoughts. Than I google it.

    Anyway you’re not alone with your crazy thoughts, I’m right there with you.

    I’m wondering who wants to start a google ban with me? We can come here when we feel an urge to google. We can also post our non googling progress too. And maybe some ideas on healthy things to google. I read so much sometimes that it gives me a headache.

  186. Rich Says:

    I have had a relatively tough weekend, but with some positives which I am clinging to. I am still struggling to eat – I’ve lost 1st in just over 1 month which is scary (I was 11st, not 10st and looking thin). I went to a friends house on Friday, had friends over on Saturday, and ate some food at all meal times (although baby portions). I also went out on Sunday morning and although felt hot, light headed and a little feint, rode it out as best I could. knowing it wasn’t the situation – it was the thoughts in my head. Just thoughts.

    I have decided to stop googling, as I know from Claire Weekes and Paul’s book, and this blog all I need to know. I now need to let time heal and confidence in myself return once more. This website and positive comments only will be the only online resource I read from now on.

    I was thinking about buying some Rescue Remedy, but have heard mixed results about its benefits – can anyone offer any thoughts on this as a temporary aid? I am resisting all urges for Diazapam as a stronger crutch. Luckily so far I always pull myself out of my internal thinking, reminding myself that it is just the anxiety tricking me for more ‘fear fuel’, but some times it’s so, so hard!

  187. rachh Says:

    Pia im the same as you.. Absolutly vile. Im starting to take my thoughts far less seriously as thoughts in general arent reality they are made up stories in our head from memories and experiences so there we go:).
    Back at work but very very unsteady and cannot concentrate but whatever got to pay the bills.

  188. lorryt Says:


    i dont know but today my anxiety levels are very high and my heart is racing, i am trying not to let me body follow the adrenelin levels and just let my body do its thing without rushing around to follow it. My thoughts are still not floating through i still seem to be grabbing hold of what goes through it, and today in my head i have written off a new relationship, dont think the guy will want to stick around, we have been together for 6 months, and have had no problems, i guess its just my anxiety bringing all my insecurities to the fore, i just want to be ok with it all again… and I am scaring the hell outta myself..its really silly. its me doing it to myself!!.. but just dont seem to be able to stop engaging with my thoughts…please help me to get back on track..i so deserve to be happy with what i have, i just cant seem to be?????

  189. Pete Says:

    Hello everyone,

    I’m into my 3rd bout of anxiety this year. I’ve had bouts for about a month at a time in Feb, July and now. All GAD. My main issues are around self doubt and fear of how I will feel.
    I went to the doctor today who thinks (after confirming bloods are clear) that a six month course of anti depressants is a good idea given this is the third bout.

    Part of me thinks this could be good if it just gives me that bit of room and help. The other (after reading Pauls book) says not good. Has the Anti d route once armed with the knowledge worked for anyone else?

    Most of me thinks it will take two weeks to get the meds, then another two or three for them to kick in, by which time I could be near a degree of recovery anyway

  190. RachelT Says:

    Hi Lorryt,

    Your post sounds very anxious and I can feel your frustration and despair, we have all done this (do this) but there is fight and trying in your sentences The things were not supposed to do and your following your thoughts and trying to understand and rationalise them. You can’t fight this off and the more you try the more it comes, fact.

    Try and ground yourself in the now moment, just for 5 minutes. Make a hot drink, sit outside in the fresh air if you can, maybe call someone and talk about something else. Give your body 5 mins to slow down. I break the next few hours into bite size chunks so I don’t feel overwhelmed. Eg. I will have my drink, empty the washer, fetch stuff from the car, prepare tea etc

    I get what your going through. Getting to the point where you want to scream or cry your so exhausted with it all but I also know its on a cycle and at some point it will calm again.


    Work will do you good in a weird way. I had a horrid night last night and got up this morning not sure how I was going to get through the day. I came to work and for the first 4 hours I couldn’t think straight and was acting really happy but very self conscious that people could tell I wasn’t ok and would think I had some kind of mania. Anyway, it’s calming down now and I can see the horizon again for the time being. Again, it’s a cycle. If I’d stayed at home I probably would have googled all day and felt even worse

    Everyone should take comfort from the fact we are all thinking the same horrid thoughts and feeling the same horrid sensations and that a lot of people who come on here have recovered. We can to.


  191. RachelT Says:

    Pia. I agree with the google ban!

  192. Marcus Says:


    I can sooooo relate to the non stop googling. It’s a compulsion looking for reassurance but unfortunately all it does is make us feel worse or create new imaginary symptoms or illness to worry about. I did it non stop at home/work/cellphone etc. I really try and cut it out but it’s been pretty hard.

    I want to thank everyone who takes the time to reply. I’ve had some really scary/bad fear of snapping/harm etc. Reading through your past posts makes me feel I’m not alone

  193. rachh Says:

    Thanks rachel.. I knowww :( i wish i could call anxiety my friend but its a bugger!
    I really could not think straight at all today.. I couldnt string a sentence together for an email its that bad. Dont know if its DP but i suppose who cares?
    Back home now and feel so tired and down so just chillin for a bit and then going to do a few bits and bobs.

    Lorry i absolutly feel your pain! You WILL get through this without a doubt. I have been in the position where the anxiety has built and built that i have just broken.
    I was going through a patch like you not long ago and it is all a trick of the mind making things seem worse than they really are. The sooner you leave it behind and not pay attention the better. Today is a bad day but bimble round doing bits and bobs and let time pass.

  194. DCYL Says:

    Hey All,

    Been a few weeks since I dropped in. work was busy and I have some other stress to deal with. Adding some thoughts here….Googling when you’re anxious was one of the worst things I did to myself.

    My thoughts were stuck on some words and I was like “why?” (this was early on in my anxiety state). I was also seeing a therapist. So there was intrusive thoughts, some other disorders, etc, etc. I must have gone around worrying if I was going crazy or not. Eventually I stopped Googling (well, found this site before I stopped…hahaha).

    Even though I am well off now, I still feel like I fall back sometimes in analyzing symptoms. For example, if I don’t get enough rest, my mind wanders and races a bit and I start thinking “what’s wrong?” Or recently, I was sick and my body was sweating and that reminded me of the past situation.

    So even in “recovery”, we’re not 100%. Some memories remain and we have to work through it. It’s just part of the process.

    For LorryT, if you’re struggling a bit, best to get outside, walk or talk to someone. As much as I hate to say this, when things seem to get overwhelming, find a distraction. Change that habit of focusing on yourself. Ultimately, that is our goal. Stop focusing on the anxiety and start living. You will get there like many others!

  195. Doreen Says:

    Matt – concerned about you. Do let us know how you are doing

  196. Lucy Says:

    Hi everyone,
    Struggled a bit the last few days and seem to be terrified I’ll be overcome with depression with all the thoughts I get and then what that would mean for me, the effects that would come from it and so on. I know from other posts this is also a common thought but just doesn’t sit well with me right now. I feel awful today when I’d been doing rather okay, and don’t have that underlying feeling that I had that it will be ok, maybe not now, but someday. That usually keeps me going but it’s utterly deserted me today! I feel sick and have been crying and have some other stresses going on, so maybe that’s why. I frustrate myself so much because I already know what to do but I still look for reassurance! When I write it down I can see I need to just take one thing at a time, let my mind race, think what it likes no matter how horrible and let it pass.. I just don’t know how much longer I can keep it up! It’s exhausting.
    Thanks everyone even though this hasn’t been a post that’s in anyway helpful to others!

  197. SarahS Says:

    Hi all I’m sorry there’s lots who are struggling at the moment. I know I had a bit of a wobble the other day and thought this can’t be normal as its lasting sooo long! But it is and we are all normal for having anxiety. I just wanted to let you know that if I can get soooo much better after having awful anxiety fir years and years then you can too! If I could look back and take advice really to heart it would be to really trust that the advice will work, take a leap off faith and say ok the advice I’ve gained and Paul’s website are all saying to let go and let myself feel however I feel, ill do that as much as I can! Yep u feel damn awful, no one else can possibly feel this bad, for so long, I’m different and can’t do it, those are all things I thought and tons more! But I’m doing it after all and really well – so can you! With ups and downs of course and remember its a process but you can do it! Xx

  198. Rich Says:

    SarahS I think that is what everyone needs to hear.

    I am still struggling with food, mainly though because I have a constant upset stomach at the moment (today certainly).

    I am currently reading Claire Weekes’ ‘Self Help for your Nerves’ which is really helping (There is a bit in there on eating and appetite loss).

    I saw my therapist today who basically told me to trust in the process, my thoughts are just the thoughts of an anxious mind, and to visualise the happy, healthy you that you will become in time, as your mind naturally heals itself.

    Easier said than done sometimes, but to know you’re not alone and others (often worse than you) have come through it is a massive inspiration to me.

  199. SarahS Says:

    Hi rich – yes I had the upset stomach, no appetite, felt sick thing too. Like all the other symptoms its vile but normal for anxiety and it dies get better. I forced a single banana down me a day when I was at my worst, couldn’t eat anything else. As soon as you relax your appetite comes back and it will in time. We all focus on some things more than other symptoms that’s normal too it’s just getting to understand the mind set and working better with it, with practice.
    I think your therapist makes good sense espec in trusting in the process. That’s something I found very difficult but gradually went with it a little more. Because anxiety is usually a slow process to recovery the trusting part can be hard to do as we practice the advice given but we start to think it doesn’t work. In fact we may not feel too much better at the time but all that practise at changing attitudes will show future rewards rather than immediate. It’s another example if trusting the process a little more.
    I’d also say be kind to yourself. You are doing your best, you are human you make mistakes, get things wrong, take time to learn things so others may seem as though they are picking things up quicker, better than you but that’s ok they’re prob not but if they are let them. You are doing your best and that is more than likely great. Anxiety is a tough thing to feel and wherever you are on your road to recovery shows strength and perseverance and a real spirit which others do not get chance to show if they have it. You are proving to yourself that you can do it and how ever long it takes you will get there. Be proud!

  200. Kyara Says:

    So today the focus of anxiety has been depression for myself. I find myself trying to figure out how I feel daily. Asking am I happy, sad, in hopes of finding that I’m happy. Since Sunday I’ve had these flashing thoughts of suicide that upset me. It’s not that I want to do it. The thought scared me at first and I said this is the product of an anxious mind and it will pass. I’m not allowing it to scare me but it upsets me so today I was convinced I’m depressed. Is it normal through recovery not to really understand how you feel? I don’t feel happy, sad, anxious just kind of blah. I don’t exactly look forward to the future but I do have hope that things will be better. I do feel guilty that I think so much into my self that I feel I don’t give as much to my kids as I should. Has anyone else experienced this? I would think if someone was depressed they would know, but then the other side of my brain says this is the beginning of depression and it will take time to hit fully….

  201. SarahS Says:

    Yes kyara many of us if not all do or have felt like that for sure! It’s normal and to be honest also a sign of progress to be in mid emotion where you don’t feel one thing of another. Try to be a bit kind to yourself. I know what you mean about guilt but its a sign of a caring, thoughtful person to deflect that way because yours not perfect when around you’re kids. The truth is that no one is anxiety or not but you are doing your best and what you can and that counts for loads! You may have a depression you may not but that can be part of the process of recovery and just indicates the tiredness from feeling so anxious. If you are then you are. You treat it the same as all the other symptoms and yes if may bother you but it will come and go? Sooner if you let it be there. But

  202. SarahS Says:

    Oops but you will be upset sometimes and coming on her for support is ok too.

  203. Charlotte Says:

    Kyara and Lucy

    Your posts are so similar that I hope it will help you both see it is your anxious mind and feelings from this talking. My biggest fear/thought is fear of mental illness going crazy etc. when this one doesn’t get the reaction it wants my anxious mind moves onto will I get depression and what if I couldn’t cope and committed suicide and then my anxiety rockets again and I think I’m letting my kids down etc etc.

    In my opinion people who worry about becoming depressed aren’t depressed they are anxious !! People who are depressed May not care how they feel, as depression has different symptoms to anxiety.

    I remember before I experienced my anxiety and before I had children, that I had some anxious times in my life, I also had some sad times, I lost a very close relative to me. At those times I felt anxious and I felt awful grief and sadness, but at no time did I ever worry about how I felt, I just felt it.

    Once you have experienced anxiety, we question how we feel all the time rather than just accept ok we feel sad today, and that’s it, nothing more !

    Lucy, you say you have some stresses in your life at the moment, well then You can expect to feel anxious, it’s normal if you have some issues going on, totally totally normal. And there is no problem coming on here, none of us seek reassurance as such, if we weren’t anxious we wouldn’t be on here.

    You have done great with your job interview etc, keep focused on what you can control.

    Kyara, I’ve had the same thoughts such as ” I don’t want to go shopping” then I think right that’s unusual for me so I must have depression, right that means I can’t cope etc etc…. , when we have anxiety it blocks normal feelings of happiness etc, as anxiety lifts normal feelings return.

    Hope you both ok tonite


  204. Charlotte Says:

    Also I agree with Sarah’s point about it being progress when you feel mid emotion, I remember as I moved out of an anxious state, I just felt sort of odd and not as happy etc as I expected, but this state ie return to normal came later. I remember thinking, as I have done lately, that I’m not deliriously happy all the time, which is what I wish for when anxious, that would be just odd !! I just don’t worry and think about how I feel, I just accept.

  205. Kyara Says:

    Thanks so much Charlotte. It makes sense. I tell myself a depressed person isn’t looking for reassurance about not being depressed. I get depressing thoughts and sometimes fall into being upset from them and feel like if I let myself be upset by them them I’ll become depressed and believe them. Sounds a little silly now that I type it out. It feels so scary to just let yourself be sometimes. I feel I’m losing grip in a way but I guess that’s be my mind wants to fight. I’m OK and will be OK even if I feel a little sad. Oh how I yearn to feel happy though! That’s all of our goals and we have to do nothing to get there! (We would be happier about doing nothing if it meant becoming millionaire! )

  206. Charlotte Says:

    No problem Kyara, hope you a bit better tonight, tomorrow’s another day !

    Am feeling quite stressed myself but not anxious. I have a hard job and young kids and trying to manage it all is so hard, I had a million and one things to do tonight, but have got a splitting headache so admitted defeat and am in bed watching TV !

  207. Marcus Says:

    great posts Charlotte an Sarah!

    Question for anyone whos been through this… I think i might have Harm OCD.. I keep having recurring violent mental images that scare me to desth and fear ill someday snap or hurt someone close to me..whenever i get more stressed it intensifies and the internal mind chatter intensifies…

    My main question is is it possible that when something scares you for example the violent images or fear of mental illness your brain sticks to it and emulates those thoughts to keep you scared? Seems like some sort of vicious circle..

  208. Kyara Says:


    Thank you too. It’s such an odd feeling. I know I can’t argue with an anxious mind and today is a perfect example because it convinced me I am certainly depressed. I won’t fall for it but I will continue to allow myself to move through the motions. I felt I had more confidence in the beginning stages of recovery like when I could get through a panic attack and allow the racing mind to slow down while stepping back and letting it go. I tend to forget how far I’ve come.

    Lucy, I’m completely with you today. Same exact feelings over here. We will get through.

  209. Pia Says:

    I get the same thing. I wonder why I feel a little tired during the day and question it. If I don’t feel like shopping I wonder if that means I’m depressed and don’t know it. I think back to different times when I would take a nap, or when least Xmas I didn’t feel like baking cookies or putting all the decoration up and wonder if I was depressed this whole time and not know it.

    I wanna talk about it to people all the time and feel them out and what they think if I’m depressed. If I do cry in the rare occasion, it’s more because I’m afraid not sad. I’m a big cryer by nature and it never bothered me before. When I do talk about people laugh and must think I’m nuts because I’m so animated and hyper when I talk that it completely contradicts a depressed person. But in my mind, I question if I’m just putting on an act in front of oeople.

    I’ve gotten a lot better since this started and the episodes don’t last nearly as long. It’s like a few hours at the most then it goes away and the thoughts don’t bother me. Nights are the best and I feel the most calm and accepting.

    Oh my stupid mind. We’re too smart for our own good!

  210. Pia Says:

    Marcus I researched harm ocd and was sure that’s what I had. I even told the therapist and he said stop googling. Either way I don’t think it really matters what it’s called, it’s all anxiety.

    And to answer your question, yes I think our minds can keep spewing those types of thoughts to keep us scared. Don’t really know of its involuntary thought cause I think I create different scenarios myself to test myself if that makes sense.

  211. Nick Says:

    Pia and Kyara,

    The depression thoughts are what actually got me back into the anxiety cycle a couple of years back and they’re still the only thoughts that I struggle with now and again as depression and anxiety are so closely linked. I know I’m not depressed. However because people with depression do get anxiety symptoms, that was it setting me off! I’ve just started a new job and I still get nervous every day as it’s quite a challenge, so I don’t want to get up sometimes… This is normal however my first thought was “I want to stay in bed, this must be depression”. The job also involves lots of driving so I’m too tired to exercise so the thoughts may be “I’m on my own doing lots of tiring driving, I might become depressed as I am not exercising and I love exercise”. The list goes on! There’s no limit to the testing of the mind!

    I used to find that these thoughts went once another irrational thought came along and took my attention, however I now just fret over the normal thoughts but they are exaggerated. I think I’m almost there now as I do have days where I just completely forget about it all! Just keep thinking you won’t have thoughts like these once you’ve recovered, so there’s no need to pay attention to them now!


  212. Diana Says:

    Hi, everyone, it’s been years since I checked in. I just want to address the lack of hunger and weight loss question. You can and will lose your appetite completely when you are in a super acute anxiety phase. This will also effect your sleep pattern – the two things are really related. I have a list of foods which are my “go to” foods when I have absolutely no appetite. Mine includes a morning breakfast shake made from banana, yogurt and soy milk, and maybe a bit of syrup. This is a no-option for me. I make myself drink it. Drinking is easier for me when I am in an anxiety state. Other foods on my list are: scrambled eggs, mayonnaise, cheese, small chunks of apple, lots of water (of course, for the adrenaline dry-out), buttered egg noodles, and baby salad greens with olive oil and nothing acidic. I don’t pay attention to whether I have an appetite or now. I have a shake, eat a scrambled egg, a piece of cheese at lunch time, and then maybe a helping of noodles and salad for dinner. If I wake in the night I force down a half cup of yogurt. The reason for the yogurt in the night is so I don’t vomit bile first thing in the morning. Keeping food down is the first part of getting through anxiety physically. Make a list of foods that don’t completely nauseate you. It does not matter if they are fatty – this is just about keeping your stomach functioning somewhat normally while you try to work through everything else. You will feel better if you are not suffering from acid reflux, diarrhea and morning vomiting. Small amounts of foods often will help this. It will also help your body to relax and not be so completely vigilant.

  213. Lucy Says:

    Thankyou Charlotte, I feel like I could’ve written that myself a few days ago and I guess that’s what frustrates me! Some days are harder than others to accept, there might not even be a reason but they just are, but it shouldn’t mean we get disheartened about it all. Going crazy was literally my worst nightmare, but I would say I’ve passed that thought a good 70% now so I agree, when it doesn’t get the attention it wants we conjour up new things! I remember some of your more anxiety filled posts and think you have come a really long way to be able to see/explain it like this. You really are doing something right :) also I agree about having emotional times pre-anxiety, but just “feeling” them and going through them, rather than worrying about what we feel and why! It’s important to remember all emotions are normal and we all have them, anxiety or not, but anxiety can just heighten them.

    Kyara – I think if we were deeply depressed we wouldn’t have the energy to care so much about how we feel. Suicide? If that thought held any truth then there would be no fear attached. I think I just associate depression with things like that, hence why I think “if I have depression it MUST mean I don’t want to be here anymore.” Same as I used to think, “if I’m schizophrenic that means I WILL hurt someone.” Our minds just make really quick assumptions that aren’t needed or true. Our brains think 1000s of things a day, unless we are planning or practicing something it tends to wander wherever it likes and I think that’s just what we have to let it do.

    Marcus, what you’ve described is what used to make me think I’d definitely lost it and I must’ve been a truly awful person. Thing is, it’s ALL the product of an anxious mind. Definitely because they scare you is why they stick around, I appreciate it’s hard to lose the fear… But that is the best way. I knew deep down what kind of person I was and that I could never be capable of being how my mind was trying to convince me I could. Once we get caught up in the “whys” it just intensifies it even more. I think Paul’s advice, among everyone else’s, applies to us no matter what the thought, because they are all JUST thoughts, not a true reflection of yourself necessarily.

    Thankyou for all the posts everyone else, SarahS too :) feeling a lot better today because of them, think I just needed a little reminder to keep plodding on. X

  214. Rich Says:

    Thank you for the reply Sarah – reminding me that the symptoms are normal for your current state of mind and knowing that others have had them and got through them if the comfort I think I needed to read.

    I had a good day yesterday – with a little help from immodium to stop my ‘over enthusiastic’ stomach. I did the food shop whilst feeling like a complete zombie – tired and anxious from the afternoon before it, and a heavy-thinking therapy session in the morning, but got home, cooked tea and ate it. I then immediately felt better for doing this – a small step forward and a positive to pick me up. I usually feel better in the evenings anyway, but knowing I have some food energy to use up has helped me.

    For anyone struggling to sleep – I too have had this. I also suffer massively in the mornings – waking up early, not sleeping well thereafter, feeling anxious of the day ahead, wanting to stay in bed etc. I have started to read before bed – to get in bed, warm and cosy with a book. Reading makes me tired and takes my mind off things, and relaxing helps wind your mind and body down. I’ve noticed that I get to sleep quicker, sleep deeper, and feel better in the morning as a result.

  215. Godiva Says:

    Hi all, I am new to this forum, I suffer from social and gen. anxiety for 20 years or even more (since teenager years), with episodes of deppression, and I am not sure if there is a way out for me…..
    My biggest problem is loss of appetite and nausea because it damages my physical body. I cannot eat, and nobody can understand that :( And when I don’t eat, I loose my weight very quickly. A year ago I weighed 45 kg, while my normal weight is 58. I looked and felt terrible and still couldn’t eat. Only antidepressants helped. I am still taking Mirtazapine, I gained some weight, but when i am approaching stressful social situations, it doesn’t help. And now I am changing my work and even country, so I don’t know how I am going to survive…. Diane, it’s intresting about what you write about how you make yourself eat and your menu. Any advice appreciated reg. loss of appetite and weight. thank you!

  216. JOE PRO Says:

    Hello everyone and happy holidays! I have overcome anxiety episodes several times and all of the symptoms go away eventually. Please take everything you feel with a grain of salt for now and face all fears head on.
    Aquinas excellent post regarding what we focus on becomes us. I know its tough to not focus on anxiety when its right in your face 24/7 but just allow it to be there as you go about your day. Test yourself by doing everything in spite of anxiety. You will see that although not comfortable anxiety simply cannot stop you from doing anything. In time your body will adjust and your mind will get the rest it needs
    Dp was the worst symptom for me making me feel like I lost myself/feelings when I’m reality I was completely fine and Do was just protecting me from all the stress I was feeling. In time the Dp always lifts and your feeling come back gradually but we don’t force it. Do things at a slow and steady pace and if you forget things don’t worry just allow yourself more time to complete what your doing.
    I would walk into a room and for a few seconds my brain could not process what I was doing there and the room felt foreign. Then I felt the vacuum in my hand and felt the carpet under my feet and my thought process returned. I never actually forgot its just my mind was not flowing as it once was. I vacuumed and completed by task. This happens literally dozens of times a day (and to most of you I’m sure :-)) and freaking out only sends more stress hormones keeping you in this state. Accept it and allow your self to go about your day slowly but positively knowing your going to be fine.
    Sorry for the long post but I want all of you to realize that we are all the same and normal. Our bodies/minds are protecting us we just need to step out of the way to allow healing. Please don’t go on Google or research anymore regarding this simple condition. Its not at all complicated and if you have any questions I will answer them all. I have been there and back multiple times and its all turned out fine every time. Stop focusing on anxiety and just live your life the best you can and remember your always in control not anxiety.

  217. Scott Says:

    Joe pro

    Thanks for the advice. Can you advise on suggestions to stop the “internal focus” on our selves. That is my biggest issue. I deal with thenphysical stuff and sensations good now as i do believe they are byproducts of stress. The scary thoughts and fear that it is a brain problem are what stir my hornets nest and bring on a whole rash of follow up fears (what if i cant work? What if i am a bad dad and husband bec of this…etc)

    Again the internal focus and hyperawareness of my thinking is the thing holding me back and i view it as a defect of some sort and have hard time accepting it as anxiety. Any thoughts on this
    Thanks in advance

  218. Rachael Tyrell Says:

    Hi Joe,

    Like you I have also overcome anxiety episodes. My fear at the moment is always having them tho which sends me back in to them every few months sometimes. This is what is really draining me. If you have come right out of them before with no symptoms yet relapsed down the line – does that mean we never fully recovered? This is the final bit of the jigsaw I can’t seem to break and could do with advice on. When I feel recovered I have no symptoms and cant imagine feeling like that again…

  219. JOE PRO Says:

    A few tips for everyone: Stop fighting/worrying! Whatever will be will be! (It will be fine!)

    Exercise and sweat 20 mins A day! No excuse!

    Drink chamomile tea 3 cups a day. Great relaxer!

    Take your vitamins….. a good multivitamin/ super b complex 6 and 12/DH Omega 3 fish oil/Magenesium

    Stop researching and if you post here have a specific question in mind and post positive improvement for others. Remember we feed off each other and what we focus on we become. Its all a mind game.

    Your 100% okay beneath all these temporary symptoms so facing/accepting the symptoms is ALL you have to do to recover. Anxiety cannot stay with you if the symptoms don’t effect you. This is a fact and the true secret to overcoming anxiety. Just because you fear something doesn’t mean it can hurt you. Face your fears! There meaningless. The racing thoughts do no appetite racing heartbeat numbness light

  220. JOE PRO Says:

    Cont….lightheadedness feelings of dread going insane losing control ect ect are all A BLUFF. They can possible hurt you and will vanish as soon as you face them over and over. I promise you this is what works nothing else. Medication drugs and alcohol just mask the symptoms and will make anxiety worse when you come off them. Follow the above and allow as much time as you need to recover. Anxiety is normal so it never fully goes away but you will have mastered it and conquered the abosolute worse it has to offer! It will not get any worse than it already has….God Bless and live life to the fullest!

  221. SarahS Says:

    I think there’s so much fab support on here and yes agree with the encouraging posts they do help so much just at the right time for those that need the extra bit of encouragement.
    Nice one rich! I think Diana’s advice may help also.

    Diana- It’s so nice to see a comment on here from you. I hope I’ve got the right Diana, lived in Italy but flew to America? If so I’ve often wondered how you are as I think we discovered this site about the same time about three years ago and we exchanged a couple of comments back then. Your comments were brill and helped me lots. I hope you are good.


  222. JOE PRO Says:

    To Scott: First off this is classic anxiety 101. Your mind is just tired looking for a rational answer to all of these. The best way is to live as outwardly as you can. You are in a tug of war with yourself and need to allow your sub conscious part of your mind to settle. Our minds are in control of 99% of what happens in our bodies automatically and do not need our conscious input on any of it! You need to step out of the way by focusing on your conscious life like continuing being the good father and loving husband your already are! Can anxiety stop you from getting your Wife flowers or taking your kids to ToyRus? Of course not! That’s the reality not what your thinking. Your actions are you not your anxious thoughts. Go hug and kiss your family and tell me how it makes you feel in the moment? Anxiety cannot touch this moment as long as you complete it. It will try afterwards but the moment is yours. Have this attitude when your thoughts turn inward. You can always turn them back ourwardly towards what you love and what you need to accomplish. Allow the brain chatter I had it non stop for months but when I needed to focus I turned outwardly towards that focus. It takes practice and time but will get better once your sub conscious knows your not trying to take its job away. Haha you have enough to do consciously anyway. Hope this clears things a bit.

  223. rachh Says:

    Can someone explain to me how the subconcious cup fills up i dont understand how and what things go in there and why they go in.
    What kind of things contribute to the cup and what is dealt with in a healthy way?

  224. Dillon Says:

    hello I’m a first time poster. I’ve been struggling with anxiety for two and a half years now. It all started with a couple of small panic attacks which I didn’t know what they were at the time and then I had a full blown one and have been stuck ever since.I feel like I’m looking over my shoulder constantly for that next panic attack because I’m not sure what caused it to begin with it seemed to come out of nowhere.any advice on this would be great. I also wonder I used to have the same feelings when I smoked marijuana as a adolescent. I am T 28 now and haven’t smoked in yearsjust wondering why this would be and if any one else has ever experienced that? thanks for any input

  225. Jess h Says:

    Hi all does anyone get chest pains with their anxiety? Iv had pains like a full ache under my arm pits and across my chest on and off for over 3 weeks iv been to the docs where iv been told it’s a pulled muscle but tonight it’s so painful and achey! I’m worrying it’s something worse! I’m i don’t wanna go back to the docs or hospital for them to look at me like I’m mad!! :( annoying my family with it I guess as it’s quite painful then goes xx

    Any advice xx

  226. Jess h Says:

    Hi all does anyone get chest pains with their anxiety? Iv had pains like a dull ache under my arm pits and across my chest on and off for over 3 weeks iv been to the docs where iv been told it’s a pulled muscle but tonight it’s so painful and achey! I’m worrying it’s something worse! I’m i don’t wanna go back to the docs or hospital for them to look at me like I’m mad!! :( annoying my family with it I guess as it’s quite painful then goes xx

    Any advice xx

  227. JOE PRO Says:

    If its just pains don’t worry about it. Without diff. breathing or tingling in left arm I wouldn’t be concerned. A nice hot bath will help.

  228. JOE PRO Says:

    The sub conscious mind does everything you take for granted. Breathing heart beat Flowing thoughts ect ect . We put pressure on the sub cons. when we try and do there job for them. We just need to stay conscious of what we are actually doing in reality and do positive things. The sub cons doest like conflict.

  229. DCYL Says:

    I’m reading this and saw someone mention Matt……Matt, you out there man? I’m concerned as well, especially with the drinking. It’s a bit of a crutch and you definitely know how to get back to normal. You did it before.

    Post and let us know how you are doing.

  230. Lui Says:

    Please help! So I posted in here several times now and received great advice but I don’t get the message.

    I’m anxious about not being anxious. I suffer from strong social anxiety. Beside that I’m really popular in school. I get so much postive feedback about my character. I’m funny, that is what people like about me. I have no problems with telling jokes and making people laugh. BUT I don’t tell anyone anything about me. Cause I’m so freaking afraid of how I’m coming across to others and constantly watching myself and analysing.
    Now I’m afraid that people won’t like me anymore when I tell them my opinion or tell them something about me and be mysef. They like me now but they probably won’t like anymore when I’ll overcome anxiety/my character is changing…that thought is poison. I cannot accept ayxiety with this though in my head.
    Advice is really appreciated :)

  231. Knight Says:

    Waves/bursts of doubt, fear, anxiety.

    I’ve been struggling with social anxiety and sleep anxiety. I’ve been following what Paul David has been saying and I am definitely getting better.

    Does anyone ever feel this way:

    You’ll be perfectly fine one second. Even the thought of sleep or being face to face with someone has no effect on you at all. You feel perfectly at peace.

    But then, a few minutes later you’re flooded with fear, doubt, anxiety again.

    It’s almost like a switch has been flipped. One moment you can’t even remember what it felt like to be “bad” again.
    Then the next moment, you can’t even remember what it felt like to be “good” again.

  232. Charlotte Says:

    Hi Lucy,

    Thanks for your kind words, I’ve had a good run recently but am quite stressed at the moment and realise I get myself all worked up about life issues and then I get anxious about stuff and then I get anxious about anxiety, and then I get anxious about going crazy and getting depression. Like you said in one of your posts when you right it down you can how silly it is, but in the moment you lose that clarity.

    Is it the wedding for you this weekend or next ?

    I’m going away with work abroad for two nights next weekend and am worrying what if I have anxiety while I’m there, but I’m trying think positively like I have two nights in a hotel without my children who don’t sleep lol !,,,

  233. Bryan Says:


    Absolutely. 100% normal for the condition.

  234. Rich Says:

    Yesterday for me was a good day – I felt completely ‘normal’ (which for me is how I felt before sensitised nerves, but still with GAD and social anxiety). My appetite returned (I was eating throughout the day and actually felt like I wanted to), my stomach was behaving and I was focused at work and not tired.

    Then, after my evening meal I got a wave of adrenalin (I could feel my heart pounding and the adrenalin flowing down my arms and legs). This to me was a sure-fire sign that I would be soon sat on the loo with full-on anxiety – back in the fear-loo-fear cycle, and then no appetite again.

    But, I realised that this was just my sensitised nerves worrying about what has happened in the past. I felt the adrenalin, my heart pounding in my chest but accepted it as being my over-anxious state still present in my mind. I told myself I was in no danger, that ‘it will soon pass’ and that I can’t expect to be ‘cured’ overnight.

    Sure enough, the anxiety lessened and the adrenalin wore-off. I then had a bath and relaxed completely before going to bed.

    Today I don’t feel as good as yesterday, but realise this will be the case until my mind heals itself. What I think is important is not to dwell on the past, try not to worry about the future (this is my worst thing!) and focus on the positives from the day – no matter how small they are.

    “Every great journey begins with a single step”.

    “I’ve suffered many great difficulties in my life, most of which never happened”.

  235. Lucy Says:

    Charlotte my anxiety follows pretty much that pattern… And I think by at least realising what it is we do, that helps a little way in recovery too. Yep, it’s this weekend but I’m thinking of the positives too, like it’ll be nice to have most of the family together. It KNOW anxiety will be there with me but so what? I think acceptance isn’t so much resigning yourself to feeling rubbish, as it is to realise things will go how they go and that’s okay. Where are you going with work? It’s classic anticipating (like me, ha) but however you feel just go with it. We really know enough by now to know that the bad times DO pass. Plus unbroken sleep will make for being nice and refreshed while you’re there!

    Knight, I’m with Bryan, definitely 100% normal. And Rich, sounds like you’re onto something.. I had food issues for a while created by the anxiety, I cut out a lot through either having no appetite or worrying about going to the loo as that’s up there with panic attacks for me! If you know specific things irritate you then that’s fine, but now I avoid nothing other than too much caffeine because I realised I was just creating more anxiety by letting myself believe certain foods would cause certain reactions. You’re on the right track and now it’s just about persisting. Don’t worry that you don’t feel as good today as yesterday, that’s all normal and in time it’ll come.

  236. Kate Says:

    Hey everyone
    Just popped on as I try not to come on everyday just wanted to say I think I am on the right path.
    I’ve finally accepted the anxiety/Dp and just carried on with my life as normal I can’t say I like the feeling but it beats feeling sorry for myself.
    Just in the space of a week I can feel a difference already. My eyesight with the Dp has improved and Im finding Im thinking about it less and less. My head isn’t as busy either and my appetite has started to return. Im mastering the whole sleep anxiety while Im still having broken sleep i just lay there and refuse to get up like the anxiety wants me to.
    I think Im getting less scared of the whole thing. I dont like the weird feeling of not really feeling like me in the mirror but I hope that will get better with time.
    Just wanted to post to wish everyone a good day and a big thank you to Joe Pro as your posts have been great to read for me :)
    Hope you all have a great day

  237. JOE PRO Says:

    To Elaine and Kate glad your feeling better! Hope your holidays are fantastic. To Dillon: Just face your feelings head on bro. You have already see the worst (panic attack) and that’s as bad as it can get. Don’t fear having another panic attack that’s why you feel the way you do. If you knew everything would eventually go away would you fear it? Well then don’t cause its all temporary and try to enjoy the ride and take your hands off the wheel. We cant control these feeling when they come BUT we can control our reaction to them (the panic) or the letting go and allowing the adrenaline to sweep through us and after a few mins we are fine. Your looking over your shoulder is the problem. Turn around completely and open your arms saying come on I’m not hiding do your worst cause you can’t hurt me! Its sound silly but your taking control of the situation and you cannot have a panic attack if you don’t feaf them. Fear is good it keeps us safe but panic does us no good. Its a worthless emotion and can be controlled and eradicated. Open your fist and don’t fight it and it will retreat. Its you your shadowboxing not some outside entity. Stop fight and it has to do the same. As long as you keep swinging it will meet you punch for punch until you get KOed! Your fighting yourself (sub consciously) when in reality your mind/body just wants homeostasis (balance). Reread my other post and get back to the basics and you will get better. There is no other road!

  238. Knight Says:

    Joe Pro, your posts are really hitting home with me.
    I was searching the other posts and saw you commenting and some others with the sleep anxiety.

    If I can just ask you a few questions:

    Would you constantly think about sleep during the day?

    I felt like I was doing so much better. My mind was feeling much more at ease. But then, last night I went to go to sleep and I started to sweat, my mind started to jump to worse case scenarios (like: oh no! it’s back. I’m back to the beginning with this!!).

    Thanks brother!

  239. Knight Says:

    This is going to sound soooooooooooo odd.
    But my sleep anxiety isn’t about anything else other than sleep.

    It’s not that I’m stressed about work, travel, or anything. It’s only sleep.
    A vicious cycle. I was making some nice strides and then last night knocked me on my bottom.

  240. rachh Says:

    Hi all having a tough time at the moment i cant concentrate and struggle to be myself. Cant really hold a conversation. My intrusive thoughts swem so real too and i believe them which is really hard. Ive got myself in such a tizz over something i heard today and i am really struggling. I also question whether i would do certain things or whether i am like certain horrible people. :( wish i would calm down and my thoughts would go away

  241. JOE PRO Says:

    Listen I have been there and back many times and RIGHT NOW am going through my own set back with DP racing thoughts feelings of unreality ect ect . My mother in law died on my Wife’s birthday and it was a huge blow to her. My brother has bipolar and had an episode that sent him back to the hospital to be committed. I bottled up the stress and WHAM the protective part of my brain kicked back in! Am I back to square one? Of course not! We never forget what we went through in the past and our minds our just doing there job to protect us from all the over flowing stress. On top of that I am in law enforcement and have to deal with peoples problems everyday while raising 3 kids a mortagage and a spoiled dog! Now I can look at all this and just say “Its too much just hide away under the covers you have ANXIETY your weak”! But I come to realize that people with anxiety are the strongest most loving understanding people in the world. I am blessed to have such a full life and now live in the moment doing the best I can. Anxiety cannot stop me from doing anything and when it lifts I am stronger than before. I am able to not only help myself but others in a greater capacity and this is the true gift anxiety gives us all when we recover. I know nothing will ever be as hard and know there is peace the end. God test us and never gives us something we cannot handle. I will reemerge with a greater zest for life and hopefully will have help a few along the way recover as well. Tis truly a gift!

  242. Kate Says:

    Thanks Joe Pro
    Can i just ask if your Dp went away totally last time mine has subsided massively but I still dont recognise myself in the mirror and feel weird I know its early days just wanted to make sure it all totally comes back to normal :)

  243. JOE PRO Says:

    Knight sleep anxiety is like any other anxiety. It only effects you because you worrying about it. You shouldn’t be thinking about sleep until your in bed and even then it more about allowing sleep to take you. I went over this in detail with Mike Stevens who has since recover from it completely. The posts are in Sept. and Octs blogs. Basically you have to have good sleep habits and not force sleep but go to bed when your tired. Do not do anything except sleep and make babies in bed. Make sure your drink water so you don’t get dehydrated during the night but most of all don’t try and fall asleep or think what your doing wrong. Once again we have no control over falling asleep consciously. That’s are sub conscious’ job and if we try and do there job we are gonna make them angry with us. You wouldn’t try and keep your heart beating would you? Just go to bed tired and make yourself comfortable and let your thoughts be there. Like clouds in the sky going by you just observe nothing rational to be worked out. That when the sub conscious say hey it our turn and turns on the sleep chemicals serotonin and you go to lalal land. Just day dream in bed and don’t react to anything your feeling and your mind will do the rest. The golden rule is not to fight yourself!

  244. JOE PRO Says:

    Kate: All of your symptoms will go completely to the point where you will not even remember what DP feels like. Its called state specific memory and I can attest that the only time I feel and understand DP is when I have it. I remember deleting all my anxiety programs from my computer wonder what the hell was I even reading about. Your mind just gets interested in other things and the DP lifts gradually. You are on the right road and dont even question it. You are yourself and never have changed it just covered in a few meaningless symptoms. Your emotions will return fully and your mind will be clear as day. Then just manage your stress and don’t worry about silly things. Be grateful for the experience cause you will be so much stronger and undrstanding because of it. Best of luck…..

  245. JOE PRO Says:

    Rachh: Darling you are NOT your thoughts! What you DO defines you not what your sub conscious sends into your mind. You are not a horrible person because you would not be on here questioning it if you were. Your just anxious at the moment and feel you need to find a reason for it. Don’t try and work any of it out! Allow the feelings to be there and observe them but don’t fear them they are meaningless. Then get on with your day as usual. His were you before anxiety? What things did you enjoy doing? What made you happy? Well go back to doing those things even if you feel like crap. Anxiety is not YOU just symptoms of a tired mind I promise you!

  246. rachh Says:

    Its vile. Joe i work in law enforcement. And i heard something that someone with mental health issues did because he believed he was going to do something and it has really set me off because i believe my scary thoughts too. It doesnt help that i think i might have dp as i cannot concentrate and my mind is whizzing about me all day long.
    Christ.. Home now as on light duties at work. Need to get a grip of these thoughts and put them where they belong when they pop up but its so hard when you hear about things to do with mental health. Especially when what hear is always negative:(

  247. Kate Says:

    Thank you so much :) i really feel like Im on the right road its because of fantastic people like you. Happy Holidays :) x

  248. Dillon Says:

    Thanks Joe pro for the advice. Happy Holidays

  249. Rich Says:

    I haven’t felt great today – I think my upset stomach has subsided now I’m eating regularly, only for by ibs to return – I don’t know. I am not Googling or caring even though I’ve not felt myself today – as I know why I feel like this.

    To Rachh – I have read these last few days a lot of posts worrying about what you’re thinking. As others have said – these are anxious thoughts on an anxious mind. I know they’re hard to ignore, but thinking about them and worrying about them just fuels your anxiety further. As Joe Pro says, remove the fear and they will subside. Don’t consciously fight them – you’ll just tire yourself out and your anxiety will steal your strength for itself – just realise they are rubbish, temporary and not your true self right now and do nothing.

    I know this is counter-intuitive, but its the only way not to make it even worse, and before you know it, you’ll get small signs of green shoots of recovery, and you’ll be on your way.

    For those struggling with sleep, I recommended bedtime reading in a post above – my bedtime read? ‘Self Help for Your Nerves’ by Dr Claire Weekes. Cost me £5 and was worth every penny. There’s a chapter on sleeping in there, plus so much more. If anyone is on here who doesn’t own a copy of this book, I urge you to go get a copy.

  250. Marcus Says:


    I know exactly how you feel. I get these thoughts about mental illness and whenever i hear something in the news makes my mind go off. But you know what ? When i have good days those thoughts are hardly there and their power is very diminished. I can bet these fears started with your anxiety as well just as mine did. Meaning your mind is only stuck on the thing that scares you the most. And you know what DOES NOT MAKE IT TRUE! People with these severe illnesses don’t worry about them as we do.

    Hope you’re doing great Rachh Hang in there everything will be ok in time

    (now ill just read this and try to apply it to me as well )

  251. Kyara Says:

    Today I woke up with the goal of focusing outward instead of inward, not arguing with my anxious mind and letting my primitive mind know that I am ok and there is no need to be anxious anymore. I understand and accept that this is a process. Anyone who has recovered I’m sure could relate to this, I feel as if I’m kind of in a tug-o-war. My rational mind being rational but my primitive mind sort of tugging a string telling me I need to worry and listen to what it says. I’ve been successful. I have been more outward and I realize when I am thinking inward and focus on my outward stimuli. I hope I am on the right track with this as I feel like I may be fighting in a way which I know isn’t the way out.

  252. rachh Says:

    Thanks for the support again. Such a supportive place especially when you sometimes feel confused and feel uncomfortable telling people close to you.

    Such a nice place with nice supportive people:)

  253. JOE PRO Says:

    I just read an article that really made me understand what exactly is happening to our minds and bodies during anxiety. Fantastic information for those that need to realize why facing your fear/anxiety eliminates it eventually. Google nothingworks.weebly and you will realize why anxiety sticks around.

  254. JOE PRO Says:

    I just got done with that artical and I hope all of you read it fully since it explains exactly what I been hoping to convey. This is what is at the core of our anxiety and why its completely normal defense mechanism. Just as Paul and Claire Weekes teaches its is the only way to recovery and so simple once you understand how your body/mind reacts. Let me know what you guys and gals think I believe it is the last piece of the puzzle for all of us.

  255. Marcus Says:

    Awesome Joe!!

    Thank you for the article. Abother great success story in a detailed version. Im sure a lot of us will relate

  256. JOE PRO Says:

    :-) I just can’t get over how great this article has made me feel! Rachh please read this its in the above post and’ I promise you will realize exactly why you feel this way and how its normal and can be reversed completely. I’m going to stay off the blog until after the holidays since that article truly sums up everything I can hope to offer. God bless and Godspeed to you all! See you in 2014! :-)

  257. Wendy Says:


    long time ago I told my friends about my anxiety, well I had too ( long story) I was like you, always happy, always smiling, always pretending that everything was fine. When I told them some of them really tried to make me feel understood. They were there for me if I had problems and well other ones made really hurtful comments and just couldn’t understand how someone could get panic attacks and feel depressed without any reason..but you know what? These people are not important. The ones who stand by you are important and you can really just forget the other ones, because they have no idea where you are going through and how strong you are! The strong people are the ones who don’t put others down, they lift them up! And if you tell them about your anxiety or if they notice it you will see who your real friends are!

  258. Kyara Says:


    Best of wishes to you and your family! Happy Holidays and Happy New Year! This has helped in so many ways! Rachh, YES please read. You’re completely normal and there is nothing different about your case! I can’t wait to see the days where you post about your recovery! Hopefully everyone on this blog suffering reads the article as well!

  259. Charlotte Says:

    That’s a great article joe, love it.

    Lucy, I’m going to Istanbul for 2 nights, am worrying about it as I’m worried what will happen if I get anxious when I’m there – just realised how stupid it sounds now I’ve written it down!

    Not had such a good day today, stress levels are very high and I’ve started monitoring thoughts and checking in again…. But am trying to just go with the flow .

  260. Charlotte Says:

    Lucy – have a fab time this weekend with or without anxiety, and good luck to the flower girl ! Let us know how it goes, I love a wedding !!, I’m getting too old now to get many wedding invites ( I’m an old mum !) , and I do miss them !

  261. Lucy Says:

    Thanks for sharing Joe ..

    Charlotte this is the first wedding I’ve attended and I’m 23! I will of course share if I made it through or went into meltdown haha. Istanbul should be great, I’m the same and fall into the “anxious about being anxious” cycle but slowly waking up to the fact that it’s useless! It doesn’t change how things go no matter how much you worry beforehand. I check in all the time as it’s so engrained in me but it doesn’t matter… Just try not to add fuel to it by worrying about it. If you’re checking in, then you’re checking in, it’s fine :)

  262. Charlotte Says:

    Lucy you have a wise head on young shoulders – or whatever the saying is !!!

    Have a lovely time this weekend, I have a feeling you will really enjoy it,


  263. Matt Says:

    Does anyone have dizziness or vertigo? Cause it’s like it’s hard for me to walk around without feeling dizzy or loss of balance…hell it’s even difficult for me to speak to people because of this. I know my last posts were based on me abusing alcohol…i’m off it now, have been for days, but is this part of the process of anxiety? Cause I’ve never experienced it before.

  264. Charles Says:

    Anxiety is us focusing on fixing the things that we don’t like and completely missing out on the things that we enjoy.

    Happiness is not the absence of sadness, confidence is not the absence of nervousness, being anxiety free is not the absence of fear and worry. But all of us anxiety sufferers don’t believe that, we believe that if we can eliminate the symptoms we can be normal again. But that is exactly what we are doing wrong: we don’t start living normally by removing the “abnormal” stuff, we start living normally by, just simply, start living normally!

    Imagine we are having dinner, and on the table there are your favorite dish and the dish that you absolutely hate, what would you do? Focus on eating the dish you like or focus on removing the dish you don’t like?

    Next time you are out with your friends and you start sweating, heart pumping, dreadful feeling, feeling you are losing control, think about for a second: do you rather spend energy addressing these feelings and emotions? Or do you rather just focus on something you like doing.

  265. Bryan Says:


    Dizziness is probably top 3 most common symptoms.

    Please seek help with the alcohol and anxiety. You can still use Paul’s methods but you should have assistance and support.

  266. Nell Says:


    I just want to share that although I have recovered 3 yrs since, I sometimes still find that I still get unwanted thoughts esp when I am under stress or feeling anxiety. A good example was when I had to cover a colleague while she goes on maternity for 3 months. Me being me, I freaked out, felt unjust that I was the one targetted, had very unhappy and unreasonable thoughts etc. then the thoughts started creeping in “WHAT IF I can’t handle the work load’, “WHAT IF I made mistakes and get complaints’.I didn’t even realised that it’s happening again.

    THe next thing I know, my mind felt numbed, fogged up, couldnIt concentrate, made mistakes etc. i felt it and i was like, what is happening. My boss saw the decline in work performance and talked to me about it. So I didn’t have a very good month last month.

    Then it hit me. IT’S ANXIETY AGAIN. Despite going thru it and recovering I still get caught by it again. So I went back to my old notes and realised yup definitely anxiety. Now IT MADE A LOT OF SENSE why I felt like that.

    What I want to say is, it is very easy for it to creep up onyou. So just be mindful. If you feel tense, worried, anxious that’s usually when you will get the thoughts coming in.

    When i was at my worst 3 yrs back, a lot of people on this site helped me. I probably would have recovered on my own if I didn’t stumble upon this site but recovered the wrong way. What I learnt from this site, from books etc are very valuable. At least like now, I realise what is happening and not get more worried when these thoughts come in.

    Hope this helps.

  267. RachelT Says:

    Hi everyone, I hope everyone is well today. I read the article that JOE PRO recommended. It’s amazing. Thank you for posting that.

    I set about Saturday with a new confidence that its all just a matter of “fake it until you make it” and my brain will catch up. I believe it, totally, it all makes so much sense. I had a bit of a wobble around dinner time and felt a bit jittery and scared again but it wore off. Sunday again, woke up with usual dread but picked myself up and felt it lifting again. I was then sat in a coffee shop talking and the conversation was slightly sad and I felt a wave of sensations, I acknowledged and tried to accept and we left. I went to the supermarket as I’d planned and my little boy was getting a bit excitable and was running about, this got me a bit frazzled and again sensations, I acknowledged and tried to move on but on the journey home I was really irritable. My son was tapping something and chewing really loadly, I had to ask him to stop and then the thoughts arrived, what if I can’t handle him being around because everything he does starts to annoy me and I’m on his case all the time, that would be horrid for him and he would be better off somewhere else. My goodness my tailspin started. I just find it so so hard to ignore thoughts that seem to threaten what I hold so integral to my being, like my sons happiness and welfare and my own mental health. I want to not care, I chant to myself they are just thoughts, they are not you, it won’t happen, I try to laugh at them but it scares me so much. I don’t care if I’m never happy with myself ever again or feel these sensations for the rest of my life I just want to not be scared anymore.

    Sorry for the essay I just needed to get it out I’m desperate for my battle to end and I want to stop fighting so much. The irony is I can see the battle in my own words as I’m writing this right now, I have to stop trying and believe everything I’m experiencing is normal and purely anxiety created and driven. I feel like I’m stuck locking horns with myself. Is this how everybody feels? It would take such bravery for me to let go. If anyone can relate to this and has “crossed that line” please describe how and how long before it stuck for you

    Thanks for reading if you managed to stick with it!


  268. saverina Says:

    Does anyone have existential Anxiety and Anxiety of their parents and child dying?

    These obsessive thoughts have come on since panic attacks.

    Thank you…..

  269. Rich Says:

    RachelT you’re keeping yourself in the loop you want to escape from by worrying about your thoughts. Fuelling the fire and feeding the anxiety – so it keeps its strength. It will beat you every time while you do this.

    You have to realise that you’re thoughts are irrational because you’re sensitised and your mind is tired. Instead of fighting them by repeating mantras and chanting etc, just realise that they are your anxious minds thoughts – that they are just thoughts, then ignore them. Don’t worry about them being anything more than this – because they aren’t. Don’t try to convince yourself of this, or try to make them ‘go away’ – as this will happen naturally over time.

    You may still end up with an annoying child at times, but once you give your mind time to relax and calm, you will be annoyed less as you won’t be so sensitised to things.

    Accept your current state is temporary, float on past the thoughts, and let time pass.

    Trying to speed up this process will only serve to slow it down.

  270. Jess h Says:

    Hi all

    I’m loving reading through all your posts for advice and tips! I guess I’m having a bad day today just come on all of a sudden!
    One thing I can’t seem to shift not that I should be trying is that I keep thinking how can this still be a tired mind after nearly 3 years?

    Also I have gained so much knowledge from Paul and u guys but am still really struggling to put it into practise and help to just let it be!! I’m worried I’ll never grasp pit and I’ll always have months of being ok and months of not!!

    Is this normal with anxiety! I keep thinking how long is this going to take!! Wrong attitude I know!!

    Also does anyone else get thoughts that they will feel odd when this has gone ! That not that u like anxiety but it’s become me that I can’t imagine me without it so maybe I’m keeping it here?

    Just getting frustrated I can’t let these intrusive thoughts of me being mad it’s not anxiety and more be….

    Any advice thank u xxx I really want to do this on my own but am struggling xx

  271. Rich Says:

    I would say that I have known I’ve been a ‘worrier’ for around 20 years. Over this time I’ve done ok – lived an ok life, but know that it has definitely held me back. Social anxiety (and worrying about social anxiety) being the main driver towards avoidance for me.

    Over the last 3 years when I’ve tried to improve the situation (I’d had enough of it limiting my life), I began seeing my gp for medication, tried CBT and have learned a lot about anxiety – all of which helped me focus on it, me, and keep me firmly in the cycle. It has got worse instead of better!

    This all reached a peak for me around 6 weeks ago when symptoms spiralled into new ones I’ve not had before due to the stress of a holiday, work and other things), causing my mind and body to shut down – scary stuff for me! I then read Paul’s book, Claire Weekes’ book and this blog. I am also going to weekly therapy sessions for a while.

    I have gone back to how I was pre-6 weeks ago and feel ok once more (GAD symptoms have reduced to my ‘normal’ levels of worrying. However, I’m still worrying about things coming up, and still have anxiety on my mind more than normal people (who don’t have it on their minds at all). Therefore, I am going to use the knowledge I now have to push on, past my current state, to full recovery.

    I don’t think I fully accept anxiety yet, I still have social anxiety, I still avoid going out and doing things that I know I used to be scared of, but I know my enemy now, and no longer fear it.

  272. Doreen Says:

    Saverina – yes, many people have had Existential Anxiety – look back and you will find a whole load of posts on that particular fear. But maybe ‘labelling’ it as such is not really the answer as at the end of the day is is like any other manifestation of anxiety and needs to be dealt with in the same way – allowing the thoughts and gradually letting them fade by not ‘feeding’ them. As for fear of parents/children dying – I think you would find that just about everybody including people who are not affected by anxiety will have had those thoughts. We fear the loss of that which we hold to be most important and dear to us. But people with anxiety dwell on those fears and let them dominate. And worry about having them, instead of seeing them as ‘normal’.

  273. Rebecca Says:

    Well I had my first night out Saturday, since this all happend 6 months ago. I have to say It went better than I could imagine. I put my anxiety in my pocket and for the first time didn’t mind it coming with me. I also used my dp as an advantage because I don’t feel here I just thought I don’t care how I come across and just danced the night away without any alcohol just purely been myself. So I know the only way forward is just to use it as a positive and stop focusing on how much of negative it brings me. Yes I feel my mind racing, thick thick dp, fearful, but so what this is me and I believe I now have to make peace for peace to return to me. I feel rubbish today but o well anxiety my friend is welcome to come along on my busy day. Hope ya all have a good day xx

  274. Kate Says:

    I think im at exactly your point. I think I’ve finally understood the whole acceptance thing. My anxiety seems to have become low and my only anxiety seems to be over my Dp which is with me 24-7.
    I still think about how Im feeling but not as much as I used to and I can follow a film and conversation much much easier so I must be on the right track.
    I had a bit of a wobble over the weekend but Im back on track now I suppose that’s part and parcel of recovery :)

  275. saverina Says:

    Hi Doreen,

    Many thanks indeed for the clarification….. Have you had the existential Anxiety and fears of losing those closest to you this or do you have it?

    Regards, Saverina

  276. Doreen Says:

    Saverina – I had many different manifestations of anxiety and for quite a time I would think ‘I am better now’ for it only to obligingly hop onto another target.
    But whilst all this was happening I had real reasons to feel anxious in terms of family ill health and losing someone close to me (and still do) so had to be sure to recognise what was happening and not let myself be caught up with the anxiety that accompanied just about all of my others thoughts for quite a time.
    So not sure if that answer helps but just trying to say that there are situations in which it would be off not to feel anxious but what you and others talk about on here is letting anxiety take over and dominate.

  277. Rebecca Says:


    Me too my anxiety as settled comes in waves, I’m like you I can watch a film ect but I have dp 24/7 but I’m not scared about it and suppose its the last thing to leave. X

  278. Kate Says:

    Yeah everyone says that I sometimes find myself questioning if Im doing the right thing but I know I am.
    Hope you have a great week and let me know how you get on :) x x

  279. Doreen Says:

    Saverina – I think what Elaine and I are trying to say is that in fact everyone has much the same thoughts with anxiety – the focus might be different but the thoughts about anxiety will be very much the same. So reading this blog will be as much help to you, as corresponding individually with a couple of people.

  280. Kelly Says:

    Hey first time poster. I lived a pretty balance lifestyle until August of 2011. I had a break up with my gf and felt pretty depressed. All the sudden I went to a party with my mom and felt extremely nervous around people. From than in I’v become pretty shy. I use to be social and love going to party’s. Now I dont even enjoy being around other people anymore. I’m obsessed with how I come across around others. Even drinking has no effect on me anymore. I’m 19 and feel like the best years of my life are being wasted. I just want to be the old me. Please any tips or advice would be gratefully appreciated. Thanks

  281. Rich Says:

    Morning everyone. I’ve had a really good week but yesterday and today woke with the need to go to the loo – it being in charge and not me. Feeling this and feeling not in control of it sets me up with anxiety before I’m even up and about properly. On come the thoughts of negativity, self-pity and fear.

    I don’t know what brings on Anxiety in the morning, but for me it’s the main symptom of anxiety at the moment. To help combat it, I’m going to stop eating after my evening meal to give me stomach time to settle properly for the evening and night, then go to bed earlier for a proper nights sleep.

    Claire Weekes says that a bad morning doesn’t have to mean a bad day, but it’s not the best start to a day you could wish for.

  282. Rich Says:

    Hi Elaine, sorry (I didn’t want to be too descriptive!) but it’s more like an upset stomach kind of thing. Once It’s over I’m okay, but it’s enough to give me anxiety feelings and therefore allow fear and worry to creep in and knock my confidence (about having to go again, and again, while driving and being at work etc).

    The thing is, I know this is just the anxiety, so my approach is to deal with it and get on with my day (even though I just want to crawl back into bed!).

    My anxiety is based on anxiety-induced stomach stuff (my worst symptom), so to begin the day with it is a bit of a kick in the teeth by my mind.

    I know it will settle down as I settle down – it’s just another symptom that will pass. I’ve had it before (it seems to come and go every few months) but it’s a real pain in the (well, you know where) :)

  283. Stephen Shale Says:

    Hi everyone,

    So I’ve not been on here for a while, dealing with my anxiety so much better the past 18 months, and things are going really well. Even better news though is that me and my wife are now expecting a baby! The only issue being that this has brought out the anxiety in me, through the excitement and nervousness, and all sorts of emotions conflicting in me.

    I really want to enjoy the pregnancy, and be able to support my wife through it all, and ultimately be fully fit and ready to go when the baby is born. What I don’t want is to feel anxious for the next few months, and basically not have the energy to fully commit. Any tips from anyone who has been in this position before?

    I’ve also had the odd strange thought shouting at me (“are you ready for this?!”, etc), and although I know it is just a thought, and I want the baby, it is still off-putting. Again, any tips? Thanks.

  284. Nikki Says:

    Ok I surrender – I can’t do it and feel utterly demoralised. I do not believe I can recover from this and in fact can only see the worsening of my symptoms. My husband thinks I am feeling worse because I am pushing myself to go out with horrendous symptoms of anxiety. He thinks I am making great progress but the reality is that my body feels like the symptoms are overwhelming. I have gone from being quite housebound to joining a group that meets three times a week for four weeks. I also did a ten minute presentation within this group to around 30 people. Today however I didn’t have much planned and my anxiety was through the roof. I had to nip out with my daughter as we were getting our eyebrows waxed. I burst into tears in the car as it felt too hard. I could barely walk from the car to the shop as my legs were trembling so much. Everything in me wanted to run out the shop too. Finally we were finished and we ran into the supermarket for some bread. Came home and collapsed in a heap. I feel so demoralised with the intensity of my symptoms. Its so hard to ‘let go’ and let the symptoms be. I do not know how to accept and feel like I am just tolerating the symptoms. Any help advice and encouragement welcome.

  285. Jess h Says:

    Does anyone else experience the shakes, tight chest dizziness can’t concentrate and like your going to collapse it never erupts to full panic just low lying?

    It’s panicking me as I am thinking there is seriously something wrong with my heart? Causing me to feel like this

  286. Jess h Says:

    My posts seem to be getting deleted!!
    Does anyone else ever feel shaky giddy pounding heart like your going to collapse and can’t concentrate I can’t seem to know whether this is anxiety or something terribly wrong with my heart!! And I’m
    Just going to collapse!! It’s been there for over a month!! :( really is distressing me!! I’m so worried about it! Then it goes and comes back but never fully goes into a full panic mode just low lying !!

    Jess xx

  287. Saverina Says:

    Jess – it is def Anxiety…. focus on your senses and just to let you kmow it is just a shot of adrenalin causing these symptoms and will not last indefinitely….. it will pass and you will def not pass out…. allow the symptoms to be present and do not fear them as they will linger as you are paying attention. Say “bring it on nd do your worst” you can now start to retrain your brain that you’re not im danger by saying the above.

    Hope this helps.


  288. Jess h Says:

    Thank you saverina that means a lot!! I guess deep down I know it’s just anxiety but it’s so difficult to differentiate between that and actually being in well and worrying there is something wrong with my heart!! Just so horrible!

    I guess like u say I’m so focused on it and worrying about it!!

    Thanks for ur kind words
    Jess xx

  289. Charlotte Says:


    You sound to me like you are coping very well and have made tremendous progress by achieving what you have with your group etc. sometimes anxiety can just get worse for no reason, and a quiet day at home when anxiety is high and be more difficult than a day when you are busy so don’t berate yourself for having a bad day.

    If you have gone from being housebound to go out that is great. Do you have the Claire weeks CDs on agoraphobia ? I would think they r vey useful to peo

  290. Charlotte Says:

    Ple who suffer from this form of anxiety.

    Hope this helps


  291. Saverina Says:

    No problem at all Jess. Keep reading Paul’s book…. it’s my bible.

  292. Charlotte Says:


    I can’t comment from a male perspective lol ! But finding out you are going to become a parent is a major life changing event and naturAlly and normally will cause anxiety in anyone.

    You are putting yourself under pressure by saying you don’t want to be anxious through the pregnancy and when the baby is here, don’t set expectations of yourself, just go with it, you already sound like a great dad as you are already thinking and planing ahead and are obviously very caring.

    I still set expectations for myself and have been very guilty of saying I don’t want to have anxiety for this situation or that – and it is often around my kids.

    Finally many many congrats on your news!


  293. SarahS Says:

    Hi nikki you are doing so well. The symptoms can be very overwhelming and although its horrible it is normal for them to be like that especially when you are facing your fears. If you stayed in and didn’t do too much then your anxiety would probably simmer along. However you are pushing yourself which is fabulous but you don’t have to do it all at once and do so much. You can practice these things and maybe have a rest of a day inbetween. Also crying from frustration, feeling really upset and overwhelmed at the symptoms is ok and normal. As you practice then your symptoms will probably increase as you are facing. Stick with it, try not to bee too frustrated and bit by bit you will learn to accept more and more. In time the symptoms will subside bit it takes time. You can do it xx

  294. SarahS Says:

    Nikki feeling like you are tolerating is also normal. You are not a robot and cannot flick a switch from tolerate to accept. It will come though. All of us on this blog know you can do it we are sure and we are here to help and guide so it’s fine to come on here for support and encouragement. And in your own time you will practice more and do your best as you are doing and it will come. I remember the stage you’re at. It took time but in the end I decided to believe the people on the blog, throw caution to the wind, took a leap of faith and let myself feel awful. Bit by bit though not like a switch. Thinking of you!

  295. Rich Says:

    Hi Everyone, Yesterday for me was a bad day – stomach was unsettled all day which really threw me back into self-pity and feelings of ‘this will never end’ and ‘I can’t cope with this every day’ – even though last week I was significantly better. I felt anxious all day, even though it was a very standard day at work. I cling to the negatives through years of habit and experience.

    But, last night was great – I was convinced I’d lose my appetite again so was dreading dinner, but cooked it and ate it ‘ok’. Didn’t love it, but it felt like an achievement. I then felt ok all evening (I usually feel ok in the evenings at home).

    This morning, I woke up apprehensive to once again dreading feeling anxious and having to deal with my stomach, but didn’t feel as bad. I don’t feel as anxious and today looks brighter already.

    For people having a bad time, remember this is temporary. You get good days and bad days. The important thing to remember if you fear you’re getting worse, is that you’re not. Armed with the knowledge from Paul’s book and Claire Weekes book, and the support of this blog and testimony from people who have had it far worse, but have recovered, means you’re better equipped and informed to allow yourself to let go and let yourself recover.

    I really struggle to ‘accept’ and ‘float’ and not catastrophise, not feel self-pity and resignation to my symptoms, but even though I’ve not been as bad as the last 6 weeks (when my nerves are really sensitised) I have not had the knowledge and support I now have.

    I now look at all of the positive things I achieve (not matter how small!) and discard the negatives because I know they’re all due to my current sensitised state and adrenalin. It’s hard – really hard, and I put a lot of pressure on myself to ‘recover’, but I know what I need to ‘do’ now. Do nothing.

  296. Lucy Says:

    Hi all :)

    Returned from my brother’s wedding Tuesday evening, 6 months ago the thought was enough to induce a panic attack.. I worried for SO long about how I would cope with the journey (5+ hours on the motorway), how I would be for the 3 nights we had to stay, never mind the actual event and then the same journey home again! About a month before I gave up the worrying a realised it would go as it would go.. I can’t pretend anxiety wasn’t there with me because it was, a few higher moments than others, but I just bought myself back to the moment each time and tried to enjoy what was going on around me as much as possible. It went so much better than I ever thought it would and I can’t believe I wasted so much time anticipating! We all had a fantastic time :) now I’m slightly off at being back to reality! But it’s given me a bit of a confidence boost.. We have to realise that all these things are bodies present to us as dangers, 99% of the time aren’t! Just because it doesn’t feel like it, we are perfectly capable of pushing through the feelings and getting to the otherside safely. X

  297. saverina Lombardo Says:

    To the ladies….. is your anxiety worse before monthly cycle and during?

  298. Nikki Says:

    Hi Charlotte and sarahs thank you so much for your words of encouragement. Its good to know that other people have felt the same. Its good to know too that the tears of frustration are normal too. It is weird to get your head round the fact that you feel worse because you are moving towards recovery. I think I probably have been pushing myself too much lately. I need to stop and take on board all that I have achieved in the last few weeks and not put tok much expectation on myself.

    Way to go lucy that’s amazing – well done! You will be slightly off because you are probably tired. Fantastic achievement well done. Xx

  299. saverina Says:

    To the ladies, is your Anxiety worse prior and during your monthly cycle? if so, any idea why that is?


  300. Nikki Says:

    Hi saverina my anxiety has always been worse pre menstrually. Now I am in my 40’s and peri menopausal I feel my anxiety has gone off the scale. On top of my increased anxiety I have horrendous nightsweats – sometimes 4 a night! And have developed hormonal migraines. It all makes facing my anxiety much much harder. A consultant gynaecologist told me that the symptoms we experience are due to the severe hormonal changes. In the space of ten days my oestrogen plummeted from 400 to 40. Apparently it is this sudden drop in hormones that causes my symptoms. It makes it very difficult not to be impressed by my symptoms tho when they feel so debilitating. Do you think your symptoms are worse during your cycle?

  301. saverina Says:

    Hi Nikki,

    Thanks for sharing that…. i turned 40 in April and have noticed a change. Not had night sweats but Anxiety seems worse before cycle. I had a hormonal blood test end of August and results showed no imbalance.

  302. lucasr Says:

    Hi all, First time post for me, although I have been reading posts and stuff on Pauls site for quite a while. I first started reading Pauls book nearly 2 years ago and was making nice, steady progress, but the last 2 months or so have been awful, the thoughts and feelings have been very strong and ive also had a few of the physical symptoms like churning stomach, dizzness/shaking and utter exhaustion, hence I feel the need to ask personally about my situation. I am finding things SO difficult as (this may seem a bit weird) I know what to do, but feel like I am getting worse and all the progress I made has been forgotten. I feel as if I am doing “nothing” and letting whatever happen, happen but am finding myself getting dragged more and more into the cycle. I do have a couple of questions that I would really appreciate being answered if possible, one is…. how do we know that its an anxious thought in our minds? in other words if it is prolonged (obsessive) is that definately anxiety? And two…. is true that regardless of what the obsessive thought is (I have a couple that are centered around the fact im 45 and dont have a job and another thats constantly around anything wrong with my body, by anything wrong i mean something that maybe slightly diffrent to everyone else) do I still just accept them as a symptom caused by the fact I have my fight/flight mode switched on? Something else I think I should tell you all is I am due to go to Portugal a week today, yes portugal, I have trouble taking the dogs for a walk, I am not going to lie im am dreading it, I dont want to go but its my girlfriends birthday, do you think I should go and to hell with what might or might not happen? Thank you for taking the time out to read this, its truly appreciated, lucas

  303. Lucy Says:

    Thanks Nikki .. I reckon it’s just tiring too, 3 late nights and all the travelling. You are doing really well, in regards to pushing yourself to do things I think this is a great thing and even though it’s difficult, you’re proving to yourself you can do it. However, it took me a long time to learn to just be kind to myself! There is a difference between that and just outright avoiding things. If you need a rest one day, or don’t feel like doing something, don’t force yourself all of the time. You sound like you’ve come a long way already, so don’t beat yourself up that you don’t feel great about it all of the time. It takes a long time for the confidence in yourself to build, but little by little it all adds up :)

    RachelT really relate to your post from nov 25th, I have that exact train of thought about my little one proving once again it’s only anxiety! I feel really bad when something my daughter does annoys me… But it’s important to remember not EVERYTHING about parenthood is rainbows and butterflies. I’m sure anxiety free people feel that way too, it just doesn’t bother them because they don’t second question it like us! Who after all, adores listening to their children chew loudly?! It’s just heightened irritatably caused by the anxiety. You just have to really remember it’s anxiety and makes you no less of a parent, lots of us have children here and we all cope alongside it as do you! X

  304. Rich Says:

    Lucas, I would recommend you do go to portugal – even if your mind and body are telling you to not go – this is just ‘what if’ and is your anxiety bluffing you. You will feel a lot worse in yourself if you didn’t go because of your anxiety.

    I know this from personal experience. I have suffered for so many years with anxiety that was gradually getting worse and worse before doing anything – feelings of dread, nerves, just wanting to avoid and avoid to escape these feelings. A couple of months ago this peaked for me with extreme physical symptoms I had never had before (my mind shutting down to protect me) – extreme tiredness, upset stomach, shaking etc. My parents suggested I cancel the holiday, I wanted to cancel the holiday, but I didn’t – I went. I admit, I took a diazapam the day before and the day of the flight (10 hour flight – which was uncomfortable but I survived!), but once I was there I felt great – my anxiety vanished, my stomach was calm, I was relaxed. I am SO glad I went and didn’t give in.

    When I got back I returned to my anxious state – where I still largely am, but I am better off for facing it and knowing that it is all a bluff, and ultimately you are the one in control.

    If you don’t feel you can manage the feelings yourself, see your GP, see a therapist – I have done both, but ultimately trust that the thoughts are just a bluff – face them and they will weaken.

  305. James Says:

    Hi everyone – this is my first post on this blog. I bought Paul’s book about a month and half ago and it really helped. The one issue I am facing is I seem to always be “checking in” with how I feel. First thing I do when I wake up is check how I am feeling. How can i avoid this, or do I not need to avoid it at all?

  306. Jo Says:

    Hi Paul, I bought your book and also have it on my tablet. Thank-you, you are the only one who is open and frank about the whole issue. I have been struggling to come to terms with anxiety since June time when I was put on medication for a pulmonary embolism. I’ve never felt so ill in all my life. (from the warfarin medication) and that is when I started the anxiety attacks, and they were just as you say in your book. I wasn’t doing too badly and feeling more in control, following your advice and I trying to run them alongside my normal life until, that is, I had two more health issues, one to do with my eyesight. (Glaucoma in one eye) I was pleased to read that anxiety can cause eyes to be blurred etc, so I think this is adding to the problem. If you have anymore advice on the eye subject I would be most grateful as I must admit it keeps sending me into a real panic and I’m sure this must be making my eyesight worse.

  307. sarah lee Says:

    Does anyone experience fear of death or increased religious thoughts? And start wondering if these thoughts are normal? I know when reading this you’ll think anxiety first thing. But sometimes I’m doubtful that this could be mere anxiety and something more serious like OCD. Help anyone? Thanks

  308. Danielle Says:

    Hi paul,

    Not sure where to begin first of all id like to say thanks read your book and it has helped me alot i had my first ever panic attack a few months ago after i took a diet pill and the caffine didnt agree with because i didnt know thats all it was i had a panic attack because i was alone in the house with my daughter who was only about 4 months at the time and was scared if something happend and she was left alone and i couldnt look after her once i found out it was only a panic attack and i was not going to die or any of the other crazy things i thought it went away and i was never bothered with panic attacks or anxiety. Until about two weeks ago i was in bed just watching tv with my partner and out of the blue had a bad panic attack did not realise it was only a panic attack and then it turned into a very bad week for me i i went to the doctors who gave me beta blockers felt much better but that night started really panicking what if i cant look after my daughter what if i cant cope with how i feel and harm myself and then after a google search convinced myself i had post natal depression i got really scared went back to doctors next day he gave me anti depressants even though i thought i didnt need them or want them i would have took anything the doctor said because i was so scared and just wanted it to go away. however that night had a major panic attack again and ended up at out of hours where they gave me dizapam to calm me down as i was scared i was going to harm myself even though i knew i couldnt or wouldnt . after taking only about 3 of these over 3 days as and when i needed i had no more panic attacks and was feeling like i could manage the panic attacks and anxiety but the anti depressants had made me feel spaced out/foggy/distant/depressed so i told my doctor i was stopping them and took no more, continued with the beta blockers but after anothrr week felt these were making me feel more anxious, then one night i had a weird experience where i didnt know if i was asleep or awake and seen weird things so i told doctor i was stopping them, felt better that night no more side effects and anxiety majorly decreased then i came across your book and the anxiety died down so much more i started to feel really postive like i would recover but after everything i have been left with that horrible detached feeling everything feels foggy just dont quiet feel myself and my memory is bad. And struggle with tiredness.I feel bad complaining as yourself and others have suffered this so much longer than myself and alot worse.i can still go about my day and enjoy peoples company and enjoy parts of my day even though i feel the way i do at other points i feel horrible scared worried when i follow what you are saying live along side it dont worry about it let it be i feel almost like myself but then i worry if i do as you say do nothing will this get worse will i get further detached will i let these feelings worsen and then have to go down the medication root when i could give in and take medication before it gets too far out of control even though i really dont want to, i want to let go and do nothing so much.i find i can accept the feelings being there and get on with my day for alot of the day but find it extremly difficult not to care about getting better or when i will recover. Is it safe to do nothing how do i stop caring?

    Please help if you can

    Kind regards,

    Danielle wield

  309. Danielle Says:

    my last comment is awaiting moderation are you able to remove my surname?

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