How to calm an over active anxious mind

Firstly sorry for a bit of a disappearing act recently, as stated the App has taken up so much of my time and the book has shot up in sales with Amazon and certain shops now stocking it. Everything has taken off in the last year or so and it is hard work keeping up and I have to cut back on certain things.

I should though be around on the blog more as things have calmed a little and it starts with todays post.

A mind that never seems to switch off

I know a lot struggle with an over active mind and wonder how to calm it. Again there is no quick fix, but I will pass on what really helped me. I like others struggled with an over active mind that did not seem to switch off, it really was the last thing to settle. When we are anxious then our body works over time and the reason we may sweat or feel restless and unable to sit still, with this comes an over active mind that seems to start on one subject then jump to another with little rhyme or reason.

Firstly I realised that a calm mind led to a calm body and the mistake I was making was to try and figure my way back to a calm mind, to try and unravel what I was doing wrong, what I needed to do etc. I was sure there was a secret out there that just needed discovering. It was then that I realised that I did not need to figure my way back to a calm mind, I just had to stop going over my past experiences and stop peering into my future experiences.

People may have different experiences but the root to cure is the same, I will give you my own example which stemmed really from a fear of losing the people around me that were close to me;

My main problem was that I would keep jumping back to something that happened last week and how I felt, this would mainly be negative thinking like ‘That night out with friends last Tuesday did not go well at all, next week I will try harder to fit in and come across as normal’. So then I would be looking into this coming Tuesday and building up to what to do to make sure it went better this week, so as to make sure I did not ramble through and come across as odd, what I had to do was do this or that and I would then go with a bunch of mental instructions and the night would again be a disaster as I would not be joining in, I would be mentally trying to fix myself and remind myself what to do. Then home again and looking back to how bad it went and feel sorry for myself and fill myself with self pity, waking the next day trying to find more answers.

This is what I mean by looking back, I would constantly go over how things went and what I could of done better, then I would be looking into the future and plan certain things to make sure they went ok. All this mental planning was constant and it could be a simple trip out with friends or going round to a family gathering, I was obsessed how I as coming across and how things were going, then filling myself with negative thoughts about how bad my life was and how it was not fair that others could enjoy themselves and not me, more thoughts on how to fix it, my mind just never switched off.

How I over came this was to say to myself that this was the last time I went over something that had happened and the last time I planned for something that was up and coming and more than that I would not entertain another negative thought. I had to change this pattern as it just was not working.

Through habit my mind would sometimes drift back to something that happened last week or try and plan for the future, but I would say ‘No I don’t do that anymore’ or a negtive thought would come up about my situation and I would say ‘No I don’t do negative anymore, anxiety has taken enough of my life, it is not having anymore’. I would then wake up with a smile on my face and just face the day whatever may come, no planning, no safety behaviours, no negative thinking about my situation, no going over something that someone did or said or how a situation went. I am not saying from that day on everything was brilliant, it was not, but it was far, far better.

This new approach was a major breakthrough for me and I felt far more mentally free and even though at the time I was not a big believer in how close your thoughts were to how you feel, without all the negative bombardment of my situation I felt so much better. I can’t express how much not going down the road of self pity and negative thinking about how you feel is so important.

Other things I did

I always tried to stay positive and just when anxiety was just about to control what I did or did not do I would say ‘You have had enough of my life you are not having anymore’.

I also got into meditation a little, maybe just 3 times a week for half an hour. I would just get out of the bath when most relaxed, lie on the bed and just put on a C.D or headphones and drift in and out with the soothing music and would feel so refreshed afterwards, I still do it to this day.

I made sure I got out in the fresh air and went walking, running, cycling, again a healthy body leads to a healthy mind. I also cut my drinking down and felt so much better for this. I still went out as much as before, but instead of getting drunk I would just stick to 4 pints.

Again it is not an over night thing but the above really helped me on my way to who I am now.

I would also love people to watch a film that had a big effect on me after my recovery and just shows the importance of a calm mind. The link is here and it is over a few episodes and around 3 hours long altogether, but do try and watch it, it is very inspiring and a real eye opener.


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988 Responses to “How to calm an over active anxious mind”

  1. Jeff Says:

    I, too, have been able to quell the worst of it with positive thoughts. It can be hard to shut off the chatter, but it CAN be shut off. The times when I have goood days I consciously focus on not slipping into negative thought patterns and catch myself before I do. It’s when I wake up in a bad day that it can be challenging. Often, though, it does work.

    Thanks, Paul for everything.

    One more thing… this caught my eye: “but instead of getting drunk I would just stick to 4 pints.” To this I have to say “whaaaaaat?” That would pretty much do it for me:)

  2. azz B Says:

    Hi Paul thanks for all your knowledge in your book and on your blog .. i am a 22yr old student and have suffered with anxiety for the past three yrs .. first for 6 months then i was ok for nearly a year then for 4 months then was ok again for nearly a year and now have been suffering bad for 2 months.. the thing that concerns me the most about anxiety and i think is the last thing keeping me in the cycle is these racing strange obsessive thoughts…they come from no where and are so strange and constant the thoughts are always flashbacks of things i am not proud of in my past..and horrible self images of myself in the future, i have also had automatic thoughts of questioning reality and whats the point in life …i really do feel like i have lost the plot i can function properly but everything feels so strange …the smallest thing like putting a pair of trainers on seems so odd even though i know it is not..i am hoping that this is depersonalisation/feelings of unreality and the racing mind with stuck bizzare/guilt ridden thoughts are adrenaline and anxiety on a tired mind….its these fears that are keeping me ill i would really appreciate some advice on this as i feel i just cant believe that this is just anxiety..if i could do this then i could really let myself go through it and let recovery come to me …thanks so much for all the help..

  3. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Ha Jeff I used to be a 10 pint person when I was younger, with a take away to keep me company. Those days are well and truly behind me, too many wasted days and feeling hungover is not what it is cracked up to be :-)

  4. Monika Says:

    I think my fault is constantly comparing how I feel at the moment to how I felt the day or hour before. Lol, I always find myself going “wow I feel better than yesterday” or “hmm, last night I had a better sleep”. I think that is my way of having an over active mind – the constant comparing. And I’m always paying attention to my shifting symptoms. Some days it’ll be butterflies in the stomach, other days maybe dp. In the end, it’s all the same stuff and you just gotta learn to not go over everything repeatedly. I take an “i don’t care approach”. If I feel nervous I just say to myself, “this nervous feeling can stay here and I don’t care if it does because I am really not going to pay attention to it at all.” It takes a lot of will power but it works!

  5. Steveo Says:

    Great post Paul. I also laughed at the 4 pints ;-). I’m pretty drunk off 4.

    Great work. Glad everything is going well!

  6. Sophia Says:

    Great post Paul..

    I was Infact buried under constant rambling that I lost my way…
    I don’t have good days or bad’s just “over thinking days”…where I am not in touch with reality..I don’t mean DP but rather living by the thoughts and feelings attached to it..

    I just have to learn to unhook myself from thoughts…

    This post was really insightful…

  7. Monika Says:

    Hey Paul, I’ve been watching The Big Silence video you put a link to, and it’s so fascinating. Thanks for recommending it!

  8. Steff Says:

    This post relates to me so much! I have had anxiety since may last year where I had a panic attack when on holiday! Anyway I have done so well but I’m still struggling with the mornings where I am just waking up full of dread, I know this has become a habit, as most of the time I wait for it to come, I have read the book you think I would have learnt by now :)
    With regards to focusing too much on the future this is me, I am due to have a baby in 2 weeks which I am thrilled about, I’m just frightened of being anxious and having a panic attack in labour and losing control, this will be my 2nd child and my first had an awful time but remained calm and control throughout it all! I’m not scared of the pain or anything I’m just scared of losing it, and feeling that fear thinking “oh no here it comes again”
    Thing is deep down I think I know I will be ok, it’s just all the what ifs…

  9. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Monika says: I think my fault is constantly comparing how I feel at the moment to how I felt the day or hour before. Lol, I always find myself going “wow I feel better than yesterday” or “hmm, last night I had a better sleep”.

    Monika that is the exact thing you should try to no longer do, you are keeping it as the focus of your day and by comparing all the time you are making it a much bigger issue than it is and paying it so much respect. The whole post is really for people who do this.

  10. Steff Says:

    I certainly think too much about the future, have my best friends hen do next year abroad, already I am thinking “oh my god can I go” & it’s filling me with dread! How do I break this habit of this? X

  11. Nick Says:


    I can certainly say I have trouble with my mind and thoughts. I posted on the last entry recently regarding being terrified by thoughts of being gay. I managed to quiet them down enough to worry about something else which I worried about a few months back and am struggling to let these thoughts in without reaction. They are thoughts about depression. I had these thoughts from the start of december for around a month until the “gay” thoughts took over. Now i managed to forget the gay thoughts due to some happenings in the news which led back to the depression thoughts! Whilst I was having the gay fears I had no thoughts or worries about depression, now it is the other way round! Thoughts for example are “what if i eventually get so low i want to commit suicide?”, “what if I give up hope of getting better and just live with this forever?”, or when i think about everything I have good in life (my perfect girlfriend, friends, family, job etc), I can’t help but think “you will still get depression because you are stuck with these thoughts anxiety!”. I can’t get grasp the attitude of “these thoughts aren’t real” with these thoughts as they potentially are real, i could get depression! Before december i was almost onto full recovery and i’ve let myself slip back down into this thought cycle which i feel i won’t be able to get out of due to the content of the thoughts! I keep active, still work etc so would like to think i’m doing everything to not be depressed! I just need a bit of advice again that’s all, either from Paul or anybody who has had similar thoughts.

    Thanks guys.


  12. Jodie Says:

    Hi guys I’m still having these horrible memory flashbacks / dream flashbacks they make me feel really anxious when they occur did you experience any of this Paul? I did the silly thing and googled it which terrified me as it mentions seizures??? Although I have also been told its common in anxiety / dp? I didn’t think I had dp mind. Really thought things were improving is it always the mind things that take longer to go? Thanks :)

  13. Diane Says:

    Hi there, that was a really helpful post. I to have trouble with worrying thoughts of what ifs. I have a presentation tomorrow at work and I feel the anxious thoughts going through my mind, what if I make a fool of myself, what if I feel anxious, what if I feel faint , the thoughts are going round in my mind, which , quess what, is making me feel anxious, busy mind, restless, not thinking clearly, self aware etc. I have found on a positive note I have been doing much better and trying to just have the so what attitude, but when you are feeling anxious and tired it is hard to just shrug it off. I so appreciate this site it has really helped, and thanks for all the good advice, cheers Diane x

  14. Jerry Says:

    Paul or anyone else that can relate,

    Most of my anxiety is under control. I mean I still get dp and dizziness, but I undrstand those things. The one thing that I struggle with the most is hypochondria. I am 29, and very healthy according to my doctor, I’ve had ekg’s, echocardiagrams, xrays, everything… but if I get a sharp headache, I think its a tumor or if I get chest pain or a bruise feeling in my arm, i think its a clot or heart attack. I smile in the mirror often assessing signs of stroke… Its pretty miserable.

    I know that this is just an off shoot of anxiety, since I’ve been constantly analyzing the way I feel, but how does one get over this phase. I have not had a panic attack in months and thanks to Paul, I know understand my anxiety and dp, so all of that is under control… but this… it gets the best of me. Especially with having a wife and two kids, I fear leaving them.


  15. Steveo Says:


    That is normal. I watched several people do presentations recently and all were anxious and nervous.

    Guess what… Normally they are full of confidence but a presentation can be nervewracking for anyone.

    You will feel great when you’ve done it :-)

  16. Matt Says:

    azz…that is dp. I had the constant strangeness everything looks weird and feels weird scenario. The hard part was that I couldn’t feel anything and that was why I struggled for so long. I couldn’t feel anything for my kids, parents, etc. I knew I wasn’t crazy or going crazy but no matter how many times I told myself that I couldn’t feel it. At least with anxiety, without the dp, I could at least feel peace by knowing and feeling what the truth is and moving on. DP steals your emotions and doesn’t give them back until you forget about it. And, of course, when you stay dp’ed for a certain period of time you begin to believe that it’s something else wrong with you, and you start contemplating mental illness, and whatever else. The way through is just putting the big boy pants on, like i would tell myself lol, and move on with this feeling and whatever thoughts were rotating around in my mind. Eventually, it started to die down and things got a lot better, but worrying, obsessing, and fearing will keep you in this pointless cycle. When you stop doing those 3 things, i know easier said then done, you will be back to normal again. Hope everyone is doing well!

  17. Matt Says:

    ok, I just had it out with my mom. She has been so negative through this entire process and I believe it is one of the contributing factors to why I am staying depressed/dp. I mean, i’ve been doing a lot better, but she has been making negative comments to me like when her and my father dies am I going to be homeless? because I am not the same person I was eight months ago that I am trying to get back to. I started arguing and trying to explain to her what I am going through and then she responds that I need to see a doctor or do this or that. doctors are a waste of time, in my opinion, and her comments of how pathetic i’ve been lately is really fueling the anxiety/depression. I believe that I need to get my own place and I would be a lot better off because of it because no matter how hard I try to explain to my family, they don’t care, they think i’m lazy, or that some other problem is the issue. I am going to be divorced soon and she thinks it is entirely based on that, but it really isn’t. I got over that, it’s the actual anxiety/dp that I try to tell them is the real problem. No one understands me at all, and it frustrates the living daylights out of me.

    When I try to talk to them, they have this hopeless look on their faces as if I am just some bum who they didn’t raise right or something. Man, I got so mad at them and just spurted out everything I was feeling and thinking. I would like to know does anyone have this same problem with their family? I try to be patient with them because they don’t understand, but at the same time they make such negative comments to me when I am, for the most part, staying positive. Would like some feedback.

  18. Matt Says:

    oh, and one more thing, my mom will be retiring soon and she has put tremendous pressure on me to do things which I have been doing. I am back in school, doing volunteer work, hanging with friends, becoming a better dad and so forth, but her negativity is so draining that it makes me feel like, “what’s the point?” My own family doesn’t really support me and just act like I am making this up. Sorry for the rant, but it has been a rough day and wish like hell I wasn’t getting bashed all the time, which is a daily thing actually. Paul, did your parents support you throughout the whole time you had anxiety/dp?

  19. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    I did not tell my dad Matt as he was one of those ‘Pull yourself together people’. I did though tell my mother and she was as expected v good and understanding, she had obviously known me all my life so could tell instantly that I was not myself, she was very good and gave me full support and was always there for me.

    You can’t force support though, just ask and as I have said before ‘Just say you may not understand, but believe me’. I have a page on my site for family members to read

    If they refuse to accept or support you then don’t let that hold you back. I had workmates reject me because they just thought I was the strange, ignorant one, but I just let it all go, worrying about them and what they thought of me was another worry I did not need.

  20. Diane Says:

    hi all, not having a great day, I guess the anxiety won today. Had a presentation today, did all the work, had all the stuff but was feeling really shaky and not well, ended up in tears dizzy and feeling sick and ended up coming home. I feel I have let people down including myself. Trying to just accept this has happened and not to start bashing myself and entering into the viscious cycle of anxiety and negative thoughts of worries. I have been on a return to work and been doing reasonably well over the past 4 months, taking the advice from the book. I am trying to think on the positive. As Paul says the road to recovery can be a up and down affair.

    Stevo I would like to thank you for your advice, I was feeling positive, but because I fellt un well the anxiety just took over. I have presentations in 2 weeks time so will take your advice on board for that.

    Sorry for moaning on,…… Diane x

  21. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Diane a presenation would be a big deal for anyone so don’t punish yourself here. When we are recovering from anxiety our bodies are still a bit trigger happy, so we feel anxiety a little more than others and probably for less reason, that is only to be expected.

    Remember it is OK to feel anxiety, so why punish yourself for doing so?

    Anxiety will only win if you let it, so put it behind you, no self pity, no going over it, just relax and move on from it. Feeling anxiety is fine, it is your reaction to it that can have you spiralling.

    You have let no one down, you should be patting yourself on the back for actually doing a presentation, that takes a great leap of faith. Diane I used to have to read a quiz every Thursday and I never looked forward to it and used to feel pretty anxious all the way through, but I expected to, it was no big deal, I was more proud of myself for actually doing it and not letting anxiety win and letting it stop me.

    Anxiety certainly did not win, so no more self pity today, don’t put pressure on yourself for it to go perfect and don’t punish yourself if it does not go as you wish, it goes how it goes so just be proud of yourself for doing it, the more we do, the easier things get.


  22. Nick Says:

    Hi Paul,

    Do you have a spot of advice regarding my post above? Sorry to hound you but the worries had me sleeping little last night and have me having butterflies today so i’m struggling eating.



  23. ShellH Says:

    Hi Jerry,

    This is exactly what I struggle with. I have posted on here previously about symptoms (chest pain being the biggest struggle I have). I completely understand how you feel. It is as though every ache, pain, lump or bump has to be something more that what it actually is. I have spent nights crying convinced that I have a terrible disease and have also smiled in the mirror checking for stroke symptoms. I was really bad before Christmas, it was then that I realised I couldn’t carry on like this. I was affecting every aspect of my life. So I really try to put Paul’s book into practice. I have had chest pains all week (had all checks and they are fine) they have been really bad and my mind has allowed them to be bad. I have had a lot of pressure at work this week but now that pressure has gone I can see that’s why I have had the chest pains but at the time I was convinced it was a heart attack or lung cancer.

    One of my biggest habit’s is checking my temperature. I have it in my head that if my temp is ok then I am. I took the step only last week to ask my husband to move the thermometer out of my way so the temptation wasn’t there.

    It is hard to believe that anxiety can give you these physical symptoms.

    I am slowly just letting the symptoms and the thought of “o no could this be…” just be there. I have banned myself from Google and the thermometer and trying to just get on with my day and put the thought to the back of my mind. Although I haven’t mastered this just yet I am giving it my best shot and hope with time that will come naturally.

    I hope this has helped a little but would love to hear how you get on and any things that you or others do to get through this health anxiety.

    best wishes

    Shell x

  24. Diane Says:

    Hi Paul, thank you for your response, although I didnt manage the trial presentation, I will not let the anxiety cycle take over, and I ahve the presentations in two weeks and will take your advice. Your book and blogs have really helped me, I have told my cbt therapist all about it, as they are always looking for new genuine ways to help people. Thank you so much Dianex

  25. Will Says:

    Azz –
    I’m the same in terms of having obsessive thoughts about the things you’re not proud of from the past. I often think it’s guilt and feel that I should open up and tell someone about these things (not something I’d particularly like to do). In fact I remember how it happened for me two months ago. I went into the bathroom care-free, then two minutes later came out with a mistake from the past on my mind. It just entered my mind and wouldn’t go away. Simple as that.
    In fact I’m a student myself, turned 20 in October. I started to remember mistakes I made in the past as if upon reaching that age, my eyes were suddenly opened to all of my mistakes and wrongdoings from the past. It’s probably as easy as putting it behind you and moving forwards, but I find it hard to let go of the past.
    Anyway I reckon it’s just that the anxiety’s found something to latch onto and as a result it lingers in your mind. I’m in the same boat at the moment, so you’re not alone.

  26. Steveo Says:

    Hi Nick

    I am not recovered but wanted to offer my thoughts…

    As you were almost recovered, you can obviously do it. The pure fact is that you still have anxiety (as do I) and it is clutching on its last legs to anything it can.

    The gay thoughts which have now passed, so it’s moved onto something else. Eventually I’m sure it will get bored she you at it no attention.

    You will not become depressed as you have no reason to. You have a lot of good things gong for you as you say.

    I think the same, I heard on the news that someone has committed suicide or a client at work has committed suicide or tried to… Guess what I think about!!

    It will get better the less attention we pay it.

    Have a good weekend Nick :-)

  27. Steveo Says:

    * I’m sure it will get bored if you pay it no attention (damn iPad – must learn to read before I press submit)

  28. Kris Says:

    Dear Paul

    My problem is a bit different from the average on this blog. I am suffering from severe social phobia. I only panic when talking to people or get into the center of attention at meetings. Sometimes my panic is probably not visible to others but other times it is so violent that my head and hands starts to shake and hardly can talk, etc. I also noticed that these times people looking at me in shock. Very embarrassing to say the least. I think they simply think i am a mad man and probably that’s how I seems to be from the outside.

    I am doing an office work and while I know worry does no good to me, many times I catch myself worrying about whether I will be able to hold myself together when e.g. my boss comes to ask me something. I try not to worry but once I become anxious enough my unconscious turns into emergency mode and automatically starts to monitor my anxiety level and my environment for potential triggers (people) plus starts to terrorize me with catastrophic images. This of course makes me even more concerned what is going to happen if someone comes to my desk and worry even more about the catastrophic images in my mind. This than gets to the point where I truly became so panicky that a panic attack seems to be unavoidable if someone ask me something. Than I try to protect myself from the inevitable catastrophe and humiliation with various safety-behaviors which of course makes things even worse. By the end of every day I feel totally drained as if I was seriously ill.
    It is like a paranoid vicious cycle from which I can not get out however I try.
    People think I am mad when I only try to be normal. Some of them don’t even talk to me anymore and I can not even blame them for that.
    I wish I could resign but than I could not pay my bills.

    Do you know how could I possibly break this vicious cycle?


  29. Mark M Says:


    I totally know what you are talking about with the ‘gay’ thoughts, those terrorized me for a really long time until I just let them be there and not question them. I would feel anxiety about having had a thought about being gay, and then because I was feeling weird, I would question if that meant I was gay, and then I would say “but I don’t even care if I’m gay or not, if I am I am! Why am I questioning so much?” and the merry go round would go on and on. The same thing has come up about being perverted, weird, bad, stupid, and nearly every other label you can think of.

    Having these gay thoughts led me to not date for a very long time because I felt so weird and unsure about my sexuality because of them. In reality though it’s funny because I wouldn’t even be gay, I would’ve at the very least been bi since I am attracted to women, but my anxiety always used the word ‘gay’ because I think it had such a negative connotation when I was growing up and it was anxiety provoking. No matter how crazy or weird or sick or gross you might think it is though, it’s just a thought, a ‘what if,’ so don’t fret about it and just be yourself, let the gay thoughts be there

  30. Jodie Says:

    Hi just wanted to ask again Paul if you ever experienced these strange memory/dream flashbacks? Sometimes it can be something so simple like some one will say something and I think ” I was speaking to someone about that” then my mind will not give up until I have remembered what this conversation was…. Or whether I dreamt it, I get very vivid dreams? It’s like my mind saying if I don’t remember then It never happend and I’m crazy, when in realty it either was most likely a tiny chat I had with someone or a dream… Does this sound weird? I know people have much scarier thoughts than this but These thoughts are tiring? Constantly testing myself on things. All other symptoms I’m quite happy to brush off and can but this sticks, can anyone shed any light? Is it the tired mind thing?

  31. Jez Says:

    Paul, i have found your book extremely helpful in my recovery however my most problematic symptom is that i am conscious of breathing and fear i will never have peace of mind as i will always be thinking about every breath i take!Have you come across this type of obsessive thought before and do you have any advice on how to get rid of it? many thanks Jez Kendal,Cumbria.

  32. jackie Says:

    Hi Jodie, I was very much like you describe also, I was always testing myself to see if I remembered things, or going over conversations I’d had with people. Once, my son was doing a piece of homework where he had to name 3 things about crime and punishment for history. He got the 3 things and from then on I was constantly trying to remember those 3 things to test myself and my memory. It got soooo exhausting and doing this was just tiring my mind even more. When I went to test myself again one day, I just said to myself “You know what, it doesn’t matter” “I’m not going to do this anymore”

    Testing yourself is part of anxiety, there is nothing else wrong. It is easier said than done to just brush it off, but once you start doing so and once you start not caring that these thoughts come up and you can say to yourself “ahh there is the thought again, but I’m not going to delve into it, I’m just going to let it go this time” it will get easier for you. It is your tired mind and not going over and over thoughts and conversations will rest it :) xx

  33. Jodie Says:

    Thank you jackie it’s soo annoying I’m like so close to feeling myself again n another symptom pops up lol! Thanks again i just like reasurance Its not something more than anxiety, another worry of mine ha! :)

  34. Debby Says:

    Hi everyone, this is my first post on here I have been struggling with anxiety for couple of years now since suffering a tragic loss, my main symptom being dizziness but 10 wks ago pulled something in my lower back and did freak out about it and was shaking for 45 mins constantly fearing the pain, i’ve been to the drs 3 times had x-ray (which did say my spine is slightly bent but nothing serious) but I am still suffering with pain in my lower back or it moves up to my neck and shoulders even in middle of back too as though i’ve got a trapped nerve even get symptoms like sciatica in my leg. I just don’t know when something is anxiety or not anymore I’m frightened of just saying ‘oh yes this is anxiety’ and then I could be ignoring something that is a real problem… neck has been so painful today i can’t turn my neck hardly to the left because it hurts that much taken painkillers but not touched it………wonder if anyone else has experienced similar symptoms!!!

  35. Matt Says:

    I too had the testing my mind stuff. I was almost recovered in october when, a thought came up, “what if i drive myself mad?” I got so scared of that thought and from there on had weird, strange thoughts about anything. It got exhausting and I then became scared to even leave the house because I couldn’t escape these thoughts, It was like my brain was in scan mode to see if something was gonna make me crazy. I went through that hell for two months til I said, “I created this stupid problem, now it’s time to rid of it”. I did this by understand why they happened in the first place, then just let them be there. The only time I get strange, weird thoughts is when I first wake up in the morning, but when I get up and moving they go away.

    It really is about letting your mind recover, because if I had a healthy mind then those thoughts would have never scared me, in fact, I probably would have never had them at all. Before I had anxiety problems 3 years ago, not once did I have thoughts or fears of going crazy, losing my mind, or anything like that. I was focused on life and had normal every day thoughts. So I know one day I will be back to that old person, it’s just you have to get out of that vicious cycle by letting the thoughts be there and moving on to living life. That’s what i’ve been doing and it really works, but it’s just slow. Anyways, hope everyone is doing well!

  36. Nick Says:

    Steveo, managing much better yesterday and today. As soon as a thought comes wanting me to believe I could get depressed from the smallest things, I just remember its adrenaline, and that’s all it needs!! Simple once you can manage it!

    Thanks for your advice, that goes to you too Mark

  37. Steveo Says:

    Great news Nick, glad to hear it!

  38. DCYL Says:

    Hey All,

    Been bouncing around recently though didn’t get a chance to posy anything. So much to say but not sure I will do at once. I think Paul’s post sums up a few of the issues I’ve had and others as well. Recently with some work stuff, I felt like “Hmm, do I something wrong” as I thought some people were “annoyed”. That got me thinking and led me to worry about my job overall.

    But in terms of anxiety, I notice that I am not liking reminders of past anxiety. I had some past emails that I exchanged with my therapist (who I saw at the time) that I deleted. I also do some writing for a while as I thought I just needed to express myself. I still have some of the stuff around and considering getting rid of them.

    Plus, as Paul says, sometimes when I go around to places, my mind (or anxiety) like to remember when I didn’t feel so great. I get past it pretty quickly but sometimes it’s hard when the feelings were so strong.

    All in all, I hope everyone is doing well.

  39. Bret Walters Says:

    Well…I havnt posted here in forever. And I am happy to say I have literally had spans of multiple weeks where I felt “normal” and things that I never thought I would be able to do again, I have gone beyond what I could do even before. You see before my “bad episode” I had a few years ago, I was still always an anxious guy and had terrible separation anxiety and could never really travel comfortably. Well…now I drive to work (yes I have a real job, as a 3d artist/motion designer) downtown (about 40 minute highway drive) by myself! Every day and I never even really feel anxious about it. The first few days were kinda tough and I felt super spacey and sweaty but now everyone loves me and they have come to know me for my bright shirts and ties and I kinda feel like i “belong” for the first time ever. Pretty cool right?

    Well that is all good and I am proud of myself (although I of course probably dont give myself enough credit as most of us should be) but I have a small problem/symptom that I of course want to know if anyone else can relate to. Obviously I know it is “just the remnants of my healing tired mind” but its still nice to chat/vent about it I think. My problem is I still don’t “feel” emotions very well, I can feel sad and somewhat “normal” but I notice even when really good things happen I am just like “blah” I see them happen and I know they happen but my body just doesnt get “excited”. :( It’s really bothering me. Especially because then I do this whole second level of worry where I think “I can’t even remember what it feels like to wake up happy and feel happiness” and I get this overwhelming feeling where I am almost “afraid” to feel happy? Because I dont know what it feels like LOL Its so stupid. And I apologize for the terrible explanation but I hope someone can relate.

    Thanks everyone. And trust me you all can do a lot more than you think. Just GO DO IT. I am living proof.


  40. Lai Says:

    Like most of those who read this blog, I too have experienced extreme panic attacks last year. The episodes are extremely terrifying and awful. They generate a sense of hopelessness and thoughts of madness. I am not going to be philosophical about my entry here but the truth is looking back, what I have gone through has taught me to look deeper and find that I am more than the irrational fears that I had.
    Paul’s site had made me understand the attacks more and I am truly grateful for that chance encounter when I had stumbled across it. My search for answers didn’t end there though and I have searched and searched until I found one book that changed my life forever. It’s the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.
    With all due respect to Paul, he and Eckhart both encourage everyone to look beyond their thinking mind and stay in the moment, stay in the now. We are not our minds or the thinker of our thoughts. We have become so identified with our minds that we have become unconscious of the present moment, which is what we only have truly. If we really examine our thoughts, they are either of the past or the future. It wouldn’t hurt to read Eckhart’s books. I have faith that somehow, someone would find something in there that would resonate deeply within their hearts. God bless.
    It was a long way to my recovery and it truly takes perseverance and compassion towards one self to get there. To Paul and the others who have been selfless to reach out and offer a sense of healing, thank you.

  41. alex Says:

    hi paul,

    I was wondering if you ever heard of EFT (emotional freedom technique) where you tap on certain acupuncture points to help relieve emotional imbalance and distress? A friend of my father’s told him that she was suffering with anxiety and that it basically cured her. I have been suffering since the age of 17, im now 22 and feeling a lot better, with ups and down of course, but i have always used only yours and Will Beswicks advice. No doctors or psychs. However this EFT thing looks pretty harmless and i was thinking of giving it a try.

    You opinion on it would be great to hear.


  42. Michelle M Says:

    Hi all

    In a bit of a state at the moment. How do I get over my completely irrational fear of developing schizophrenia. I am nearly 40 and this fear has now plagued me for about 2 years. I have no family history, do not hear voices etc. I just feel as though I am waiting for the illness to begin. Its terrifying. I notice that sometimes when I wake during the night that I have random thoughts and odd sentances are in my mind in different voices and accents. Has anyone else ever had this? I know that I am not fully asleep when this is happening as I open my eyes as soon as I have had the thought. I feel absolutely lost and stuck.

    I am also hyper aware of everything at the moment. I am filled with sadness when I think about my future that one day my children will be visitng me at the local mental health unit. Does this sound like normal anxiety? For anyone that has suffered this intense fear, how do you rid yourselves of it?

    Thanks for your help and hope you are all having a better time than I am!!


  43. Matt Says:

    michelle….I know what that feels like, I still go through it at times. Last year I began to test my memory and then my own sanity/thoughts, that created bizarre thoughts and odd sentences flowing through my head, in the beginning it was different accents, but that didn’t last but a few days. That turned into hyperawareness of everything around me, which gave me constant anxiety and felt like I was genuinely losing my mind. I realized that I started this bad habit/obsession of thinking so that I could get out of it. It doesn’t happen as much to me anymore, but I do have very bizarre dreams almost every night that is pretty disturbing, but they are just dreams and probably a result from my tired mind.

    You have to remember that you developed that fear of it, and because there is no basis for it whatsoever, it isn’t going to happen. I worked in mental institutions for ten years, before anxiety hit me lol, and people that develop schizophrenia don’t worry about developing it. Schizophrenia is not a progression into developing that illness, it happens fast and suddenly. So no, you won’t develop, nor will you ever develop it, ever. Again, it’s an irrational fear caused by anxiety, so start to lose that fear and develop an “I don’t care attitude” towards it, it will then fade, a lot quicker then you think. You have the power in moving through this, waiting for the illness to begin is a choice and you have to break that. It will pass. Hope everyone is doing well!

  44. jackie Says:

    Hi Michelle, I had this fear also, really badly. I was seeing a therapist for a while at the end of last year and plucked up the courage to tell her this fear. The first thing she said as she shook her head with a little smile on her face was “To begin with you are a little too old for any onset of schizophrenia (I am 39) and then went on to explain exactly what it is and how, like Matt says you will not develop it now or at any time.

    It is your very strong FEAR of it that keeping you in the anxious state. And like Matt says, it is just having the “don’t care” attitude. I was in a right state about this a few months ago. Sometimes now I have a memory of how I was and I just let it pass, getting right on with what I’m doing, not caring, just shrugging it off. Don’t let these thoughts frighten you, that is all they are, horrible thoughts which are in no way whatsoever truth.

  45. Michelle M Says:

    Matt, thanks again for your kind and thoughtful words. Jackie, you have also given me comfort. I know that I am bringing on my anxiety and the thoughts are there due to the fear I have attached to them. Sometimes they just get you, dont they!

    All the best to everyone. This blog is an absolute life saver. Thanks again

    Michelle xx

  46. Sally Says:

    Great post Paul and thank you X

  47. Rachel A Says:

    Thanks for the post Paul, its great.
    It’s so weird how anxiety can make you think such weird thoughts isn’t it?
    I was also worried I was developing schizophrenia but I soon figured out it was just my negative thoughts brought on my adrenaline versus my positive (or should I say realistic) thoughts having a fight with eachother in my head!
    I think the fact that a few people on here have had the same fear just proves that its the anxiety playing tricks and that we’re not all going ‘crazy’!
    My anxiety is worst in the morning usually and gradually eases off during the day – this morning however I had been awake for about 20 minutes then realised I hadn’t even given it a thought, it was amazing! I know that not every day on my road to recovery will be like this and that some mornings I’ll feel terrible but this morning really made me feel positive :-)

    Can I suggest to anyone wanting to do something new or get fit to try Zumba – I look forward to going every week and it really keeps me occupied – plus its such a laugh! Mostly laughing at myself and my lack of co-ordination but there ya go!

    Take care everyone and keep on keeping on! xxxx

  48. DCYL Says:


    I know of EFT and used it a bit. I ran across something on it a while back, maybe when I was initially getting into my anxiety. I’ve personally done the basic tapping and I think it is harmless. Does it actually help? I think it may have helped me one time, but I haven’t done it in a while. I would be curious what others here think.

  49. Lucy Says:

    Hi Paul, I often suffer with butterflies in my chest, fast heartbeat & a massive adrenaline rush when I think about past experiences, I was just wondering, if, WHEN this anxiety leaves me, will I be able to think about my past without getting these horrible feelings? I’ve suffered with anxiety on & off for 3 years now, if it wasn’t for this site & your book, I don’t know where I’d be, so thank you : )

  50. Jeff Says:

    I continue to experience recovery slowly, but more and more thoroughly each day. Michelle M., my primary fear was of going insane. I remember being in the emergency room after my first attack and thinking they would just commit me and I would lose everything. I was medicated heavily for the first week because I had no idea what was happening to me. For months I thought I was losing myself, and occasionally racing thoughts take me back to that place, but the deep fear of going insane, and the accompanying DP, seems to be gone now. It took lots of convincing, but I believe I’m ok now. One interesting thing is that I still can’t really digest any form of media, etc. that deals with insanity because it brings those thoughts back. Like today the news of that serviceman in Afghanistan who perpetrated that awful murder… I had to shut it off because I kept wondering what could make a person do something that terrible, and I somehow had the fleeting thought that I could be susceptible to that. Ugh. Just know that you will be ok, and once your mind has rested and you stop struggling it all just settles into the background of your life and it seems further and further away with each passing day.

    Here’s something, and it’s ridiculous, but indicative of the type of small aftershocks that I now experience: I shower with this “scrunchy” thing that you put liquid soap into and exfoliates you or something. It’s black and there’s a black loop that attaches to the shower drain so it can hang to dry. Well, when I finish showering it can be difficult to find the black loop on the thing to hang it back up. It all looks the same because it’s all black! Every day I approach this thing like some monumental challenge and if I can’t find the loop I get thrown into a tizzy. Have I just started using a different one? No. Have I tagged it so I can find it easier? No. It is ridiculous, but this thing can literally set me off in a bad way. Now that I’m writing about it it seems even more ridiculous, but it’s true, and it’s really not as trivial a thing as it sounds. Maybe I just needed to confess it cause now I’m gonna go home and throw the damn thing away:)

    Stateside folk: DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME!!!! WHOO-HOOOO! You Brits only have two weeks to wait! Best to all of you.

  51. Fleur Says:

    Hi Michelle M

    That’s been my fear since last summer, that Im developing schizophrenia and Im going to do something awful, you say you are waiting for it to happen well I wait for the big symptom of schizphrenia ‘hearing voices’, it absolutely has terrifed me and I have questioned over and over, its so frightening and I feel your pain. My therapist told me that a schizophrenic wouldnt think anything was wrong, again its something that develops in late teens early twenties.

    Im working through it but when that blast of adrenlin comes with the thoughts its hard to think clearly. There will always something, if not schizophrenia then going insane or loosing control, Ive been worrying for a long time and that has been the pattern, you find a worry, you stress and obsess, you work through it and another comes and it really is about saying enough, enough now. Im in the middle of it, good days and bad, ups and downs but you know what it really is about facing the fear and saying I dont care and do your worst.

  52. sophia Says:

    Hi Bret
    I can relate to what u r saying..i think i am in touch with whats going around but i could hardly feel any happiness..i am always trying to live my life..doing things which i should be a chore…nothing really excites me and i really dont feel happiness on occassions where i should be feeling so..even if i am gifted the most precious gift i would be like..oh good thank you..but there is no happiness felt…
    may be its the last bit of anxiety..

  53. Fleur Says:

    I submitted and I wasnt finished. The hyper aware thing is not nice and makes you feel more odd but you just have to let it be there if that makes sense, I fetl really hyper aware this evening while taking my two year out for a walk, just watching me walking, of her in front of me and just feeling strange and I just said dont care and kept doing what I was doing and here I am typing on my computer and only remembering now that I felt that way earlier, its just another thing that has you scared and when you stop being frightened or letting it matter it really eases and I so know thats easier said than done but it will get better for you, take care.


  54. Michelle m Says:

    Jeff and fleur thank you both also for your kind and helpful comments. i have a big problem with regards to acceptance. once i accept then i am sure things will be easier. I need to accept that this is me for the moment.

    Jeff you really made me smile. Its so funny that we can find ourselves being so ridiculous but still worrying!

    I can hardly keep my eyes open so Im off to bed. good night all and my we all have a good day tomorrow. take care.

    Michelle xx

  55. Matt Says:

    I still have the hyperawareness thingy too, it’s a real pain in the butt. The key for me is recognizing it when it happens, because I’ll become so lost in myself that I won’t realize what I’m actually doing. When I recognize it, I can then usually shut it off and know what’s causing it. Dp seems to be fading more and more, but it’s so dang slow and I am trying to be patient with myself but it’s very hard sometimes. Some days I do get frustrated because it’s like, “when will this ever end?” but it’s those same questions that keep me locked up in my own mind to begin with, so i’m learning to let the questioning/obsessing go. I was reading some success stories on other websites and was really encouraged of their recoveries.

    Oh, I wanted to mention another good book on DP, hope that’s ok, I can’t remember the name but it’s by a guy named shawn oconnor, it’s like 200 pages, and there is an eversion of it. It is really good and he goes through a lot of symptoms of it and how he recovered. A great read if you want to get it. Anyways, hope everyone is doing well!

  56. Josh Says:

    Paul & Matt

    I have come out of this problem after a long struggle..To everyone who have been thinking..when will be my day.?.. the answers is everybody will have their day..pateince is the key..

    My question is ; i have been taking baby steps and no problems with that… can i now take the big plunge.. not sure why am i seeking this answers from you…but is it possible to do all work in extreme anxiety …or there are certain things which got be avoided?

    I am now confident of handling myself in all problems


  57. Bill Says:

    Josh,can you offer any advice,how do you avoid all the thoughts when you are dizzy,aching and have sore eyes with blurred vision.I know you have had most of these symptoms and handled them well.I like yourself seem to have these almost permanent,i have also had a tension headache in the back of my neck for 3 weeks now which i cannot get rid of.Any advice would be much appreciated,at the moment all i look forward to is bedtime.Best wishes to all,Bill.

  58. Joshua Says:

    Hi Bill
    I get the tension headaches too, in the back of my head and oddly enough on the the top of my head too. It feels like there is constant pressure inside my head when it’s bad. The thoughts do not bother me that much anymore , once I realized that it was anxiety babbling my fears at me, instead of fighting them I just let them be there. After all I can’t get them out so I might as well make amends. Don’t get me wrong, they are still ther but they do not bother me anymore.

    I would usually look forward to bed time too, sometimes I would just lay down for the rest of the day in the bed or on the couch and watch a movie. Do you ever feel worse when you get up after sitting or laying for a while? I know I do sometimes but I just keep going. In all honesty Bill, it’s been working really well, I still feel dizzy but it’s gotten mellow and aside from the pangs of the occasional “dips” and the dizziness I can feel myself getting better and better. I still have “bad days” here and there and my vision is still blurry and I am still dizzy but that’s okay, I’m not going to fret over it. Over the past weeks and months the more I have adopted this attitude the better I have felt, it’s taken a while yes but every day I feel layers slowly (and boy do I mean slowly :) ) peel away. I think if you just continue on the path that you’ve been on you will begin to understand the attitude that is needed to no longer give into the fear. For me at least, it seems that the fear must be overcome before the symptoms change and even then they won’t leave overnight. Instead of “oh no, my feels like it’s going to explode!” or “why am I so dizzy and I cant see straight! I wish my head would just shut up!” , you begin simply not thinking about it because your not afraid of it. Don’t misunderstand, they are still there but they will slowly begin to leave everyday overtime time. The key is , I think, not to be afraid of how you feel, yes you may feel awful, but there is no reason to be afraid of it. I don’t know how long it’s been for you but is been a couple of years that I have felt this way and just like you it’s been all day everyday and In the past few months is when I’ve began to realize that it’s the fear we give it that keeps us in the cycle. Now that I am not feeding the fear I feel so much better even on the real bad days. We will get there Bill, it takes time and patience but I know things will definitely getbetter.
    P.s. – The last post by the name of Josh wasnt me, that’s why I’ve been using Joshua as my name.
    (the other) Josh :)

  59. Bill Says:

    Joshua,thats a great reply and i thank you enormously,i will address you by your correct name in future.It appears we have pretty similar symptons because i can relate to everything you have said.I have had anxiety just coming up a year now,started with what i thought was an illness of the stomach and ended with anxiety after every medical check proved negative but left me full of worry and disbelief at the symptoms.I find now it is better to get up slowly otherwise the dizziness can start big style.I must begin to adopt your attitude to your symptoms,it has to be the way forward for me,tossing everything around in my head is nonsense and must stop.Once again many thanks and continued good progress to you and everyone else,best regards,Bill.

  60. DaanVT Says:

    I too had a lot of trouble with dizziness. For me this symptom was awful especially because it came on top of the DP and the two made it really hard for me to function at all. Also it scared me that I had both tinnitus and dizziness which made me believe I had meniere`s disease (which i don`t).

    Anyway this symptom seems to be slowly disappearing now that i`m not as afraid of it anymore. I used to be really off balance all the time, but now I just get small bouts of light headiness.

    I`m doing a little better than, say, 2 months ago. Recovery goes slowly with ups and downs and i`m not feeling very well most of the time yet. That being said, i am able to go to school again after being at home for allmost a year.

    One thing i`m struggling with right now is fatigue and lack of motivation. Also i sleep way more then I used to (9-10hrs) and still i wake up feeling tired. Anyone had problems with sleeping too much as well ?

  61. Jennifer Says:

    Hi all

    I am still doing much better. Even though I am still experiencing electric current feeling, constant tiredness, ringing ears and DP. haha that sounds so depressing, but its not so bad, because my confidence has picked up and I have better things to focus on, like all the sports I have been doing and on helping my clients at work. The symptoms are SLOWLY fading methinks. still feel hard done by, by this whole mess of my mind, but talking and laughing with people has become so much better.

    Matt – in regards to your post a while back about your parents not understanding, I have learnt that people really just dont get it at all!!! unless they have experienced it. Its like their brain can’t ever be creative or thoughtful enough to take them to the depths thats our minds have, sounds mean to say, but I believe it. I know anxiety feels like a curse, well, it does to me, but relative often don’t have the compassion and empathy because they are limited and have probably never been given proper uncondiditonal love and support themselves or not felt real pain. It is really hard to just let it go and not to be annoyed about this, as support and love is SO important during bad times.

    Just wanted to share another quote from Guy Finley’s ‘letting go’ book as promised that will hopefully give people hope through tough/crappy times

    “We are decieved whenever we find ourselves feverishly
    thinking through “all the possibilities” stiired up by a fearful
    moment, because the only possibility ‘any’ of these fearful
    thoughts hold is which one of them is about to make us it’s

    Wishing everyone well
    x x

  62. Matt Says:

    well, i’m in a unique situation…lol. The woman I am divorcing is pregnant by someone else, she’s four months pregnant and i’ve already paid my lawyer and waiting on her to move it along and get this over with. The problem is this ridiculous state I live in, tennessee, and their laws. It basically means that if she has the baby before our divorce is finalized, then I am responsible for the baby, regardless of the situation. So paying child support for twenty years for a child that isn’t even mine? not too mention she’s engaged to another man. I am completely stressed about this, because I can barely support my two kids that i have that are my biological own. I don’t know if anyone has been through this but it is really, really stressing me out to the highest degree and feel a lot of anxiety at the moment because of this. the divorce is uncontested, so hopefully it will happen soon, but I am still livid over this. I truly do have thoughts about harming others now, lol.

  63. Vikki Says:

    Hi I just wondered if anyone could help me? I have been getting what I describe as waves of adrenaline throughout the day which seem to lessen as evening comes. Apart from that all of my other anxiety symptoms have gone but this just won’t seem to shift. It lasts for around a minute then goes again and I feel totally normal.
    Has anyone else experienced this and does it go away with time?
    Thanks, vikki

  64. Doreen Says:

    Interesting this old anxiety thing isn’t it? Yesterday I sat in a doctors waiting room to hear the results of a scan on my pancreas. I was appropriately nervous and accepted how I was feeling. Glad to say the news was good. But the anxiety which is the real bummer is the one that is not attached to anything tangible – it is just there and gives me weird physical feelings and strange thoughts. I become over observant of my body – this morning for instance I feel sort of dizzy and that is all I can think about. Not with any health anxiety – just the disconcerting feeling that I am going to fall over which of course makes me even more tense. Right – having said that I am now going out for a walk to relax myself. One tip a friend gave me – she carries a shiny stone in her pocket and when she starts being over observing of herself she rubs the stone as it takes her mind into a calmer place

  65. Kate Says:

    Thanks Paul for recommending the BBC programme. It was great and i will start to practise perios of silence. Maybe 20 minutes of no phones, facebook, web surfing or even reading. No outside information. I will see how it goes.

  66. Jeff Says:

    Matt, you may only have to pay temporarily until paternity can be determined. Be sure and file suit of contested paternity within 12 months of the birth. There is no way you will end up paying support into adolescence if paternity is determined to genetically fall elsewhere. I know each state is different, but I think most allow for this. In Illinois paternity determinations take forever, and realize that most of this is built in to protect the child, but they do get men out of paying life-long support for a child that is not biologically their own. You may just have to wait tables for a couple months:) I think you can relax and just discuss paternity testing with your lawyer, even though dealing with lawyers can be relatively stressfull too. Sorry to hear you’re going through all this. Your ex sucks, btw.

  67. Matt Says:

    Jeff…thanks for the reply, I am sure there is some way to get around it and get dna testing, paternity testing, etc. to get it all sorted out. The fact is that she is going to be marrying someone else, so I don’t believe there is anyway I should be responsible for a child that isn’t mine. Yes she does suck, I could tell you the whole story but would rather not, lol. She was what started my panic attacks and anxiety back again last year after I had been recovered awhile because of the stuff she did. But anyways, thanks for the support. Life on life’s terms stinks, but I gotta do what I gotta do to move on and live life.

  68. elaine Says:




  69. Michelle m Says:

    Elaine that is great to hear. Im sure it will give a lot of us hope. i am in a dark place at the moment and feel i am getting worse as time goes on rather than better. i hope one day in the not too distant future i can say the same as yourself. well done. xx

  70. elaine Says:


  71. Debbie Says:

    Well after a really horrible few weeks I feel slightly better sadly new tablets yet again, don’t u just find it annoying when after telling your mental health doc that you feel desperate, hopeless, despair, frightened, exhausted and suicidal he then says so on a scale of one to ten ten being good how do u feel? HELLO have u not heard what I’ve just said? Why would I expect anything else from them!
    When they then say its a thought that causes the anxiety I also feel like strangling them! I find this very hard to accept, I get the whole CBT if you can’t queue or get on a bus, thinking differently would help, but generalised anxiety how can u change the thought when u don’t know what’s causing the anxiety? I’m very confused with it all.
    I’m going round and round in circles, the more I push myself to do things like Paul says to do live your life normally with anxiety along side u I feel worse!

  72. Human Clay Says:

    Good blog. I have been getting better. I am grateful for the info dave shares. One of my present struggles is my job. It is hard for me to concentrate. I constantly have to multitask. The problem is that when i get distracted when i am working on something, and i go do something else, i sometimes forget what i was originally doing. I feel like the movie memento. This has affected my work performance and relationship with my boss. She gets really upset with me. I am also responsible for over 450 volunteers. We run health clinics. I am having trouble replacing physicians that have left. My review is coming up and i have been walking on eggshells around my boss. Everything i do seems to be wrong. I am tired of this. Jobs are so hard to come by. I have been so afraid of getting fired. I am tense while i Am at work, and sometimes bring it home with me. I know Dave quit his job. I am afraid to. I have also had obsessive thoughts that I’m no good at anything and wouldn’t be able to find another job. Wouldn’t it be nice if life could have favorable conditions to heal in? Any suggestions? I am having trouble accepting and letting go of my work environment.

  73. Evelyn Says:


    Hello I can hear ur frustration and u completely understand you,because I have felt the exact same way.. however what ur doing is feeding it and making it worse by becoming upset.. I know what u mean when u say the more u try to accept anxiety u feel worse.. u wanna know why? Because u truly are NOT accepting it.. other wise it would be a problem to u anymore ..I remember one day crying while driving and screaming out WHEN IS THIS GOING TO GO AWAY!!! I realized then I was doing the wrong thing.. 3 weeks ago I said to myself either I feed this thing like I have been doing for 10sure years or do the opposite .. o decided to let go and let god:) so u have a choice debbie either u feed it or u don’t and just ride it.. I promise this will get better :) I was in ur shoes now im not recovered but im right around the corner! JUST LIVE ALONGSIDE IT!!

  74. Evelyn Says:

    It takes time.. time time.. but in the end it will be all worth wild! ! Treat it like ur enemy. Don’t let it win. But at the same time keep ur enemies close:)

  75. Spartanqueen Says:

    Hey guys! I cannot recommend Claire Weekes’ books enough, beautifully augment Paul’s teaching. x

  76. Steveo Says:

    @Matt – good attitude :-)

  77. jackie Says:

    Hi everyone,

    I just wanted to write a few words. Evelyn is so right, it all takes time. I have never been to such a dark, awful place before for so long, but here I am now, 99% recovered and much much more happier than I was before even anxiety struck.

    Go with all your thoughts and feelings willingly, stop fighting with yourself. I really know how easy it is to write this and how hard it is to put it into practice but as soon as you make that first step willingly and let whatever happens, happen, then you will be on the right track. It won’t happen overnight or a week or a month it will take a while but as long as you keep doing what you need to do and just say to yourself “Ah well” when you feel like crap you will start to notice changes in yourself.

    A way I like to see it is if you had a broken leg, or the flu or a bad cold, you wouldn’t be trying to fight and question every single symptom you had, you would know what was wrong and ride it out till you felt better again. With anxiety, it is similar. “Whats wrong with me? I feel awful” “Well, yes I have anxiety at the moment, I won’t be like this forever, its just what I’m going through at the moment”

    Nothing stays the same forever and things will get better, hope to help
    Jackie xx

  78. Jo Says:

    I would just like to sat thank you paul for all the hard work you have put into your site and the book. Until I found these I felt so alone with the anxiety and DP that I have suffered with for so long. I am trying hard to put your ideas into practise but it is so difficult to let these horrible feelings carry on without giving them importance.I am not really sure how to achieve that but I will keep trying. It is a relief to know that they don’t mean I am losing my mind, and that it is ok to feel that way. Thank you so much for caring. Jo x

  79. Debbie Says:

    Thank you for your comments they always give me some hope, I think it’s very hard when you feel so bad to see it will ever change. I had to give my part time job up because of anxiety about five months ago, I loved my little job so have found it hard as I miss it, my boss wasn’t understanding at all, she’s a pull yourself together type, yesterday out of the blue and I’m sure for her own benefit she text me saying if I wanted to go back I could do 8 hours, 4 hours a time on different days, I think it’s a really good idea as it will give me something else than focussing on myself and getting better, but I do feel worried I won’t be able to cope if my anxiety is bad. When I started there two yrs ago I was actually at the same point I am now and it was the best thing I did, but I had several traumas over the last yr plus took on more hours so I know what has triggered this setback, so do I or don’t I? Suppose I’m frightened I won’t cope and feel a failure if I have to leave!
    I do find that when I’m at home pottering with no pressure I’m ok but when I have to do something else the anxiety starts so I suppose I want to stay in my comfort zone, as I writing this I’m starting to realise myself what I have to do GET BACK TO MY JOB! It’s only 8 hours I will be able to chat to people, get some money and get back to normal, out of this anxiety filled bubble I’m in! and a sense of achievement!

  80. Bill Says:

    Joshua,had an appointment with my therapist this morning,she thinks my experiencing of the ‘dips’ and similar headshocks and sensations when driving is quite likely to be DP.I don’t really understand DP so i would appreciate your comments,otherwise she basically says everything that you have said previouslly,give in to the feelings and accept them for what they are.Best wishes,Bill.

  81. Jeff Says:

    Hi, I need a little help… strange morning. Very hungover after over-indulging last night and very foggy, but otherwise feeling ok with low level anxiety as usual. Getting good at just letting it be, in fact most of the time I feel like I’m really recovering rapidly but a new thing happened this morning. I have alot going on. Had some success at work lately and tonight I have a second date with a girl I like very much. Anyway, the stuff I have going on all looks good on paper. Why then, seemingly out of nowhere, does the thought of suicide just pop into my head and not leave? I think I’ve thought of it before but it would just pop into my head and go away with a laugh. This was very different. It was real. I know people have mentioned this here before but I’ve never really experienced it. It’s unsettling how comforting the thought was, like I could finally stop dealing with all this. I guess I haven’t accepted what is happening to me as much as I thought if I want to make it stop so badly. I do not want to just let this thought “be.” I do not want to think it at all. The thought is fading, but it has left me feeling very hollow. Can someone advise? How do you deal with this kind of thinking? I hate to even be typing all this.

  82. Evelyn Says:


    My advice is to go back.. it will help alot… when I was at my worst stages I would love to work as that would help me from being at home with of course the minds chatter. Lol. Let me mind u im a manager so I have tons of pressure! Sometimes I don’t even know how I got through the day let alone 2 years of feeling d.p anxiety thoughts and so forth ..but as my day would end I came home tired which gave me a good night sleep .. as opposed to when I got my vacation I was a total reckless..because day in and day out I was ruminating about anything and everything! And my sleep was horrible! !!! So my advice go back

  83. Evelyn Says:

    Hello debbie

    My advice is to go back.. it will help alot… when I was at my worst stages I would love to work as that would help me from being at home with of course the minds chatter. Lol. Let me mind u im a manager so I have tons of pressure! Sometimes I don’t even know how I got through the day let alone 2 years of feeling d.p anxiety thoughts and so forth ..but as my day would end I came home tired which gave me a good night sleep .. as opposed to when I got my vacation I was a total reckless..because day in and day out I was ruminating about anything and everything! And my sleep was horrible! !!! So my advice go back

  84. Evelyn Says:

    Sorry the message cut off. Try taking power walks every morning.. their great for mind chatter and headaches:) hope my message helped some

  85. Debbie Says:

    Evelyn, thank you it’s good to know another sufferer agrees, I too spend all day thinking, the old mind chatter, so I think it will be good to go back, I know this time to not give so much I’m a yes person so I want people to like me, I end up doing everything and get taken for granted so it will be a new me!
    I have trouble going out for walks even tho I love to with my dog but I get just to far away from home then need the loo, there’s no holding it either! So of course my mind thinks this will happen every time I go out I know where the toilets are everywhere it’s very annoying, it drives my husband mad! So I end up walking round and round the block! I noticed Jeffs message about his thought of suicide, I get them it’s so frightening and I get myself in a state trying to figure out where it came from, I woke up the other morning to my mind telling me to hang myself in the garage, I’ve never thought this before being so detailed I freaked out and the more I tried to get rid of it the worse it was, I even went for a swim but in the end it just went away and I haven’t had a thought like it since, I think u just have to not let it frighten u it’s a thought it doesn’t mean anything perhaps as u say u have been better so perhaps it was testing u, perhaps ur mind was a bit frazzled from the night before?

  86. Joshua Says:

    Hi Bill, DP (or depersonalization) is a symptom that sort of disrupts your perspective of things or makes things seem very unreal or very unnatural. Most people feel numb and the world around them feels very distant and very unreal. Some other people experience it in an opposite manner, everything seems hyperreal. I have experienced both sides unfortunately. People usually get brain fog with it and they do often get dizzy. I don’t think yours (or mine) is DP though. I no longer have DP and havent for a long time but I do think that it functions the same way DP does though. Its a brain chemistry thing and it effects the mind in the same way, its the same problem just a different outcome. Some get DP without the dizziness and some get dizzy without DP. It’s the same anxiety just different symptoms. In fact some with DP don’t feel dizzy at all because they feel like they walk around in such a daze they can hardly feel anything! I however wasn’t one of those people. I was very dizzy with my DP and that just made it worse. If you do have depersonalization, it’s absolutely nothing to be afraid of. It was the most harmless of my symptoms. I haven’t felt that in years though which is why I wouldn’t put the dizziness in that category, just good old fashion anxiety dizziness. I hope that was the answer you were asking about. I hope the therapy sessions go well for you as well, thankfully I’ve had good experience with mine.

  87. Bill Says:

    Joshua,many thanks,again.It is down to me now i guess,i have just got to learn to accept that these dips,headshocks and momentary feelings of passing out are not harmful and all part of the overall picture.It is this that scares me and i am trying hard to put it where it belongs in my head but it is hard.The dizziness,blurred vision,sore eyes,tingling hands etc do not bother me to any great extent.Your quick replies are very much appreciated and i wish you and everyone else on here the best of health,kind regards,Bill.

  88. Jodee Says:

    Hello Everyone,
    I wrote a post back in Jan and just wanted to offer some more encouragement to everyone. I have been reading Pauls book since last October and it has really helped me, sometimes i go back and re-read it and I understand and get more out of it each time as I go through this process.

    I have been very successful and feel so much better then I did back on Oct. I’ve kept myself busy with work and social activites, Ive joined a swiming class and learning to play a new instrument to keep my mind focused on other things so im not always questioning myself on how im feeling etc.
    Its a slow process but it really works. Some days I feel worse then others for no apparent reason but have learned to just get on with the day and not pay too much attention to the bad days and i appreciate the goods ones all the more.

    I wish the best for all of you. Its also nice to know we aren’t in this alone.

  89. Joshua Says:

    I know what you mean Bill. It is hard to accept that all these physical symptoms are what most people would think is “just anxiety”. We know better hough. Accepting may be hard someimes but if you could learn not to be afraid of the symptoms maybe acceptance would be over the horizon.a good way to think of it would be like this, next time you feel the dips or the head shocks (I hate those too, eps. when they feel like they travel down my spine) you havent passed out yet and you have felt these in many different severities and variations and nothing happened. Next time the symptoms are bad just remember that you’ve felt this many times before and it is harmless, uncomfortable but harmless. I think once we realize the symptoms aren’t worth being afraid of, that is when acceptance begins.
    Oh by the way I get it worse when driving too. I think the reason is that there is so much going in our already disturbed field of vision and not to mention we are in a moving car while we already feel like we are moving. And I don’t know about you but I hate traffic lights! I used to beg them to hurry up! I felt like I was going to pass out staring at the red light. Now really don’t think about it I just hate red lights because I hate traffic in general :). I hoPe that helps some Bill, I know you can’t force acceptance but it will come once you no longer fear the symptoms.

  90. Debbie Says:

    I wish I could accept, I just can’t seem to get it! So frustrating cos u read on here how it’s the way to recovery in time and when ur so desperate to feel even slightly better and a little bit of light at the end of the tunnel but u can’t cos u just don’t seem to grasp how it it’s very annoying! (very very)

  91. Bill Says:

    Thanks again for your words of encouragement Josh,i will read your post when i am a bit down.I got the dips today when i picked my daughter up from school,seems to happen a lot that although i know the time and place has no bearing whatsoever.Talking about traffic lights i was waiting patiently but anxiously a couple of weeks ago when it suddenly started getting very noisy,then round the corner came hundreds of bodies blowing trumpets,bugles etc.who were on strike and walking through the town,fortunately i was able to do a u-turn before i got too stressed.You are as good as Pauls book with your answers and i really appreciate your time and kind words,i feel reassured.Best wishes,Bill.

  92. Joshua Says:

    Thanks for the compliments Bill, It makes me happy to know that my experiences help especially someone who has suffered the same as me. :)
    Debbie, i know how hard it is to accept, Ive began to realize that no one can force acceptance and that is one thing that helps keep them in the cycle. It makes it easy to become frightened or anxious when its hard to wrap your head around acceptance and how to do it.To me it is about overcoming the fear first. If you can learn that the symptoms are harmless and how not let them get the best of you, that would be a large step towards acceptance in my opinion. I have a friend of mine who has similar problems that you do, he is afraid to go anywhere without a bathroom near by, there were times he wouldn’t leave his house for days because of that. He still has anxiety now but he has been recently learning not to be afraid of his symptoms, an I am going to be house sitting for him this weekend because he is taking a camping trip! There is light at the end of the tunnel, but the key isnot to be afraid of the symptoms, they can’t hurt you just scare you and as scary as they seem they can’t do anything more than that. To me if you loosen the grip of fear that is accepting.if you try to force acceptance than it just becomes an empty word and I think that is one of the major sources that keeps people in the loop. Also don’t put a time limit on the anxiety, you can’t force it away or fight it so when you learn not to be afraid let the symptoms run their course. It might take a while and patience is important but if your not afraid of them than there is no fear to fight. I hope that helps in someway Debbie.

  93. Debbie Says:

    Hi Josh thank you for your reply, yes I have a lot of fear which I know is the problem, I think u end up fearing the fear! Its so difficult cos like others I’m sure my whole life is about me and anxiety, surviving the days and trying to get better, I’m exhausted with it, all my conversations r about it, it’s completely taken over everything, I don’t see or listen to anything else it’s almost like an obsession and a habit I suppose.
    I’m going to take up my old bosses offer of going back to work just for 8 hours a week, so that will give me something else to focus on, it was funny cos I bumped into a lady that I used to chat to at work before I left, I was so pleased to see her it was as tho I had forgotten what normality was, it’s like ur in this world of your own, it really made me realise how obsessed I had got with it all, what a waste of all that energy no wonder I’m so tired, and my poor family they must be sick of it too! This has all just suddenly hit me, I hope this is a step forward!

  94. Joshua Says:

    That’s great Debbie I think its a good idea to go back to work! Especially starting off several hours where you can ease your way back into the swing of things. When I was going through anxiety in my early 20s I decided to take a leave of absence for several months and your right, it’s all you do and think of. Maybe this is a start of something really good! Good luck Debbie!

  95. Sandeep Says:

    Joshua – I like the part where you say letting go of your grip of fear is acceptance in itself. I’ve found acceptance very hard b/c there is constant secondary thinking happening in the background which is hard to get past. I completely agree we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to force acceptance. Good post. Thanks.

  96. Evelyn Says:


    By u becoming scared of the thoughts is a sign ur highly unlikely you will not do it.. worry about it when ir doesn’t bother u.. same goes with anxiety and all the symptoms that accompanied it.. they are all harmless and will not hurt u. The only thing they do is scare u and robe u from living! ! But with a change of attitude u will succeed. I have come a long way.. I was too in ur shoes and now that is getting better I can finally trust and understand pails method and everyone else on here:) its patients debbie. Lots of it.. letting it just be and it will leave layer by layer. Its like a child whose upset and crying if u pay attention to him he’s going to make a screen but if u let him cry until he gets tired he’ll eventually stop!! Same thing as anxiety when u finally let it be it will leave.. ur body knows u so well to know if u really accepted it or not! Remember that :) si when u question why hasn’t it left it’s because perhaps deep inside u haven’t accept it/)

  97. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Sorry I have not been on for a few days and there were loads of posts in moderation that I have just gone through, so many maybe buried in and amongst as they show up when they were posted.

    So welcome to any new posters and there were some very nice comments in there which is always appreciated and I am glad the site/blog has helped :-)

    I will also try next week to reply to the posts that stand out and that may help the majority, it really is impossible to answer everyone, but there are many people now that give great advice on here.

  98. Ann Says:

    So i wanted to get peoples opinion on how to get over/past one problem that i go through everyday.
    So when i wake up in the morning the first tihng i think is how do i feel and its usually not great so i get up and try to get on with normal things but all i can think about is how i feel mostly dizzy/unbalanced so then i start to get worried about doing the school run, it is only a 10 min walk but every day the thought of doing it fills me with panic if i can get one of my friend to do it for me i will i hate doing it because of the unbalanced dizzy feeling i get while walking mt son to school then i start to think what if i faint or collapse on the way everyone will look at me.
    Totally panics me everyday how do i get over this???
    Any Advice extremly appreciated.
    Also i feel as tho i am not in my own body as if i am not really here is that dp??
    I dont really understand dp.

  99. Debbie Says:

    Hi Ann I’ve just popped on here to read comments to my post and saw yours, I’m not the best person to answer but if u read other peoples posts which there are a lot of the same problem u have u will find it really helpful, it might keep you going as I know when you feel desperate you want help quickly.
    I wake up and do exactly the same as u but this morning it all started and I thought so what so it didn’t seem to carry on, I get DP as well it’s horrible, but anyway you read back on some posts it will help I’m sure.

  100. Steveo Says:


    I also used to feel like this every single morning and the only real way i think to overcome it is to pay it less attention. “Easier said than done!!” i hear you say and you are correct. However, little by little it does get easier.

    You manage to do the school run and how many times have you actually fainted or collapsed? NONE i imagine, so that is proof that you can do it.

    The less you fight it and pay it any attention the easier it gets. Imagine a Lion, the more you poke it the angrier it gets!

  101. jackie Says:

    Hi Ann

    Taking and collecting my daughter from school was a major issue for me too. I would always get my husband to do it as I had all the symptoms you have. I would get into such a panic, shake like crazy and have really blury vision and feel so so weird, scared stiff that I was going to faint or I would freeze up! It felt like everything was going on around me but in slow motion. It was so horrible. I would be convinced everyone was looking at me and knew that I wasn’t right, if you know what I mean and then think they’d be talking about me behind my back which of course they never were.

    One day I just thought to myself, right I’m going to pick my daughter up from school, if I shake, I shake, if I pass out I pass out, if I make a fool of myself then I make a fool of myself. I just knew that I couldn’t carry on like I was. Avoiding going to the school was just making me worse as it was like my body was telling me no you shouldn’t be going as there is danger here and that is what all the feelings were about. Even though of course there was no danger. So I had to start reversing it all.

    That first day I went to school I still had all the horrible feelings, it was horrible, but I just told myself it’s ok, it will take time to get my body back to knowing that it wasn’t a dangerous situation to be in. The next day was a little better but I was still very shaky. I just went on like this till today here I am not even thinking about going to do the school run, I just do it and my body is back to normal, not panicing and not shaking like crazy :)

    It is such a hard thing to go through all this anxiety and panic but you will get there in the end. Just know that you won’t pass out or collapse. Your heart will be beating faster so it is impossible to pass out in this situation, you won’t lose control of yourself or go crazy or any other crazy thoughts that come up. I used to say I can’t go, what if I faint, that was my worst fear with all this. I went on an anxiety workshop at the beginning of the year and one thing stuck with me. The guy said “Well how about thinking What If I don’t!!! What if I don’t faint. This turned things round quite quickly for me too, as everytime I had that thought “What if I faint” I would then think “Ah, what if I don’t” lol and then knowing that I wouldn’t anyway made things a lot easier for me.

    Anxiety really tricks you a lot so you do have to stand up to it sometimes and just do it, not caring. Nothing will happen to you even if you are feeling dizzy, lightheaded, not quite with it. Just feel it all, knowing that nothing bad is going to happen to you.

    Hope to help even if its just a little and finally a phase I saw and love..

    “The Best Way Out Is Always Through”

    Jackie xx

  102. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Hi Jacki great story and you did the exact right thing and went against a false signal, one that told you ‘not to do something’.

    Sayings like ‘If I shake I shake’ etc then gives your body the green light to do as it wishes and automatically relaxes you enough for action. It just takes that leap of faith and the continued doing to make it an everyday chore again. If you see it as a problem, whatever it is and make an issue out of it then your body is just reacting to what you tell it and you were telling it their was danger there.

    By going against your built in intstinct to avoid and doing it anyway with nothing bad happening, then your body finds out there is no danger here, also once you do it without going to some invented dark place and you realise you are ok, the next time you don’t create such a deal about it and the cycle begins to change.

    You are never in danger and you told yourself enough is enough I am going, this is exactly the attitude that turned my life around. I was sick of being my own jailer and I wanted to start opening doors again, not closing them and the only way to find out for myself if I would be ok was to go and begin to do things and stop letting a feeling control my life.


  103. marcb Says:

    Hi all, I’m still having massive problems regarding my mind finding a physical imperfection and telling me I must ‘repair’ this before I can be anxious free and I must have anxiety as I have ‘something wrong with me’. I’m still working…just, but I’m feeling lower and lower. I’m trying my hardest to live life as normal and to accept and allow these thoughts to come but I cannot help fighting these thoughs. Has anyone any advice and are these thoughts about my imperfection a part of anxiety? Many thanks…. Marcb

  104. Debby Says:

    Hi everyone, been really struggling today had acupuncture last night for pain in lower back neck and shoulders and today feel like its sciatica now pain in leg too just go into panic when pain comes because I dont know if this is a symptom or not can anyone relate:-(

  105. Monica Says:

    It’s really daunting to read the comments on here. Some are really great and positive, while others seem to me to be an outlet of more complaining. It’s as if you completely miss the points Paul makes and come here just to be more anxious and talk about another symptom. If you’re doing that, you are REALLY not focusing on what Paul is saying at all and therefore shouldn’t even be on these comments! Really take what Paul is saying and apply it to your life people.
    best regards

  106. Joe P Says:

    Hello Mark, ive have a few of these physical imperfection anxious thoughts before and im going to pick apart your post and tell you what i think.

    Firstly you say your mind is constantly looking for physical imperfections, this is problay because you have had a few anxious thoughts when looking at yourself or thinking about yourself for e.g. something like i wish i wasn’t so skinny etc then you worried about it, maybe blew it out of proportion by your obessing over it. This is in turn has caused your anxious mind to see it as something to worry about (automatic hypervilgilant mode”, something to protect you from. Then because of the worrying you have also created a negative emotion maybe one of fear or self-pity. So the next time you go out and want to wear a t-shirt your mind automatically starts thinking “im really skinny what if people notice all these horrible self critical thoughts will follow” it becomes a unhappy block/bump in your mind in a way.

    Firstly the fact thats you say a “phyiscal imperfection” means you have no control over it whatsoever, so theres no point in worrying about it whatever your mind conjures up, because your worrying isn’t going to fix it, it’s going to make you feel worse. The “telling me” sounds to me that because you have gave this anxious stream of thinking so much fuel “worry and signigiance” it feels as if its controlling your mind at the moment.

    So what i would do, is understand why this physical imperfection thought feels so scary and important, its because it has the added adrenaline and sensitised nerves behind it, which intianlly caused you mind to make it stick and see it as a serious danger. Then secondly understand that you made into a big problem, by worrying about it and scaring youself so much with critical/ what if thoughts into believing its a problem. To add to what i stated before above its physical, so instead of worrying about it you should be embracing these things. All imperfections are what make us who we are anyway, noone would be want to be friends or partner with someone who was physically perfect or perfect. Its twofold as theres no such thing as perfect, theres only levels of good and bad depending on interpretation.

    The must “repair it”, makes me feel as if you feel this thing is the one last thing holding you back from overcoming your anxiety well firstly pat yourself on the back for that, as it sounds like your nearly there with your recovery, brilliant! “theres something wrong with me”, you have created this critical outlook on this physical aspect you dont like, we all have certain things we might not like about our body but the difference between a non-anxious and anxious maybe slightly perfectionist person aswell is, we tend to worry about it,, almost punish oursleves for it, stop punishing youself by worrying about it or seeing it as a problem, its you, embracing it if people dont like it who cares, some people will love it im sure! The reason your feeling lower and lower is because you are fighting a losing battle, which can never be won as Paul says if you anxious about something you are always going to be anxious about it. So you feel so frustated and upset becuase you thinking thing it isnt going, if only this could leave me. Your welding to it this thought, you have to understand it and become friends with it, until it says well “Mark, its looks like my work here is done, you obviously dont need me anymore, someone else has been worrying alot recently so i need to go annoy them”.

    And to answer your question, these thoughts are normal its just your anxious reaction/habit of overreacting and worrying about these things has made it obessive and made it seem alot scarier and worse than it actually is.
    I think this is just one of the those things that you have to embrace to truely recover. And you said allowing the thoughts to “come”, its makes it sound like your already on guard waiting for these to come becuase your frigthened of them or hate them. Understand what they are so bad and just be with them, its only your interpreattion of the thoughts intinally which made them seem so big and bad!

    And what i am learning through my own recovery and i think my apply to this apsect of yours is “Stop being your own worst enemy and start being your own best friend” it will take sometime to nuture this friendly inner voice, just as mine is, but one day im sure it will become second nature.

    All the best Joe P

  107. Joe P Says:

    * THE difference between a anxious, perfectionist person and non-anxious person( not a big worrier) ahh thats sounds better

  108. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Debby says: Hi everyone, been really struggling today had acupuncture last night for pain in lower back neck and shoulders and today feel like its sciatica now pain in leg too just go into panic when pain comes because I dont know if this is a symptom or not can anyone relate:-(

    Debby please try and read what is said in my posts/book/site and take it in as you can keep coming back thinking this is that or that is this and worrying yourself to more anxiety and self pity and hence nothing changes or you can try to stop worrying and change a destructive hait and move on with your life.

    Although Monica says it a bit harshly, which I am sure she did not mean, she is right in a sense that people seem to just ignore what is said here and do it their own way, that’s fine but when nothing changes then you are not on the right track, no one will ever be cured trying to figure each and every sensation out, whilst seeking reasurrance out for each one and no one will worry themselves better.

    I could for one week at some point just edit each post and show people how they should be thinking and approaching things

    Debbys post would be something like this.

    Debby says: Hi everyone, I had acupuncture last night for pain in lower back neck and shoulders and for a minute I was going to go down the road of worrying that it was sciatica etc, but I remember what what Paul said about anxiety and how it can create anxious thinking, so I brushed this concern off and got on with my day, the thought sometimes popped up but I would just give it it’s space, pay it little respect and move on with what I was doing. At one time this would have sent me into a spiral of worry and panic, my day would have been ruined and I would have been here seeking yet more reassurance. I am not there just yet, but I am learning the importance of just letting go and developing a new attitude :-)


    Again I can only advise people, what they do with that advise is up to them, I can’t make people apply it and that’s a real shame.

  109. Jo Says:

    Vikki I am not sure if what I feel is the same as you but I get sudden and unexpected feelings of what i interpret as overwhelming fear. It’s a horrible feeling and then i usually get the shakes and go really cold. I do my best to ignore the feelings but it is not easy especially as I then either feel really sick or actually am sick. i am assuming the sickness is due to the stress or adrenaline, but i haven’t heard anyone else menion this, so maybe it is something else. Hope everyone gets through the day ok. x

  110. Vikki Says:

    Thanks Jo x

  111. Steveo Says:

    Love it Paul :-)

  112. Debbie Says:

    I liked Pauls post a good bit of CBT, changing the way u think! Everybody gets anxious for different reasons and I think if Debby wants some reassurance why not, perhaps like me she’s at the beginning of her road to recovery and it’s scary a little bit of support makes a lot of difference.

  113. Rick Says:

    Just wanted to share my story and give thanks to Paul for writing the book and creating this website. I’ve been suffering with anxiety for a little over 3 yrs now but I am finally starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Looking back, I really didnt know what was going on with me and had no idea how to handle it. I cant pinpoint an exact moment when this all started but I have an idea as to possible reasons for my nerves being on edge and reaching the point where they could not take anymore. I had been contemplating writing a post to this blog for some time now and I thought I would take the time to share so that maybe others can relate. I dont expect others to have the same beliefs as me, but I am posting this in hopes that someone out there can be helped by my experience. I really dont know where to start, but i’ll do my best and try not to make this too long. When I was about 19, I remember making a few promises to God(all broken now) and thought that I needed to make these promises in order to make a trade with Him so that he would get me through the current sitaution I was going through. When I broke these promises, I was upset with myself, but I dont rememer stressing or being that hard on myself like I am now. I used to be a care-free person and did things without having to think about them. Anxiety stopped all of that. Like I mentioned before, I cant explain the timeline of events that led to the anxiety but I know it completely changed the person I used to be, maybe not to others, but inside I was dying. After reading through all of your experiences, I can honestly relate to how a lot of you feel…the thoughts, the physical and emotional pain. I’ve experienced it all. I used to love working out and I still do but my anxiety got so bad that I thought God was going to punish me if I worked out or if I did other things that I enjoyed. I couldnt understand why I was feeling this way and I was constantly ask Him for reassurance. It was a vicious circle that wasnt getting me anywhere. I was scared to do the things I loved to do the most. I know fear doesnt come from God; It’s the most destructive emotion we can feel. Since finding Paul’s book back in October ’11, I can honestly say I’ve made a big improvement and I know I can get through this. My over active mind wasnt just centered on religion, however, I also have the “what-ifs,” the heart pounding, chest pains, waking up with the anxiety staring right in the face, spending days in bed instead of enjoying myself…and I’ve also had those moments where I feel like it’s all behind me, then “wham!” At this point I can say my good days have outnumbered the bad but those bad days are defintely a struggle when youve experience peace from all those thoughts. The good thing is those moments show you that you dont have to live this way forever. It’s been a long ride but I’m ready to break through. I can go on and get into more detail but I’ll try to keep it as short as I can. Hopefully someone can relate and reply to my post; especially on the religious aspect of it. I really appreciate what Paul has done and also grateful to all who post on here as it has really helped me out, and many others, I’m sure. I know some day I will no longer post on here but I felt the need and the desire to share my experience. I appreciate any feedback and if I can help anyone out, even better. Take care and God bless

  114. Jo Says:

    Debbie I think you are so right.I think those of us who are still struggling on the road to recovery and haven’t yet got how to brush off the concerns still need that ‘safety blanket’ of reassurance. If I’m having a particularly bad time I go to Pauls book and reread it certain passages so that I know it is ok to feel the way I do, that I am not alone or going crazy etc.
    Paul, my husband is also reading your book so that he has a better understanding of how I feel and how to help me. x

  115. Teresa Says:

    Paul, I not sure if you are around but I have tried to get a handle on what is happening with me and I could do with some practical advice in what you thinki I am doing. I have had an ‘actual physical problem’ – I had dismissed it but was all too obvious and i have ended up having treatment for many weeks with an osteopath. The problem i have is this – The physical mobility is coming back, almost 90% so far , the osteopath keeps saying you should/will be out of pain soon. Although the pain has changed I now realise that anxiety has kicked in and is creating a confusion between what’s real and whats anxiety. I know my thinking is going down the road of what if i am always like this, what if this treatment doesn’t work, should i be looking for more answers as I ignored the pain before thinking it was anxiety and it was not, how am i going to decipher between recovery from the physical and where the anxiety has adopted itself. I have had a few episodes recently where the pain has lifted for small periods of time whilst being ‘relieved mentally’ by reassurance. I know that all the physical pain has not completely gone but it seems to be attaching itself for longer periods and gets worse when I get distressed.
    I really could do with some help in shifting this last rung to recovery.

  116. marcb Says:

    Dear Joe p, thank you so much for your amazing reply. My ‘imperfection’ is my penis, it to me is an odd shape, thin at base with an odd curve (odd to me!). It works fine, my girlfriend KEEPS telling me everything is fine and that should would know!! It does seem to me that anxiety is hanging on to anything as its on its last legs. Iam due to see a urologist very soon mainly so if nothing can be done to “repair” it then I am left with no.choice other than to.accept it. Many thanks… Marcb

  117. Jodie Says:

    Oh this is driving me crazy…. These thoughts of if something happend or if I dreamt it! It’s soo strange. Today I was talkin to mother in law and I had seen someone in the shop we know so I was telling her, then the thought pops up ” did I see them or did I dream it” ?? Is it because my mind just passed it by as it wasn’t important? It keeps happening and is causing a lot of anxiety, I’m soo close to recovery I can see it but these thoughts just stick and I question it all day soo silly I know, almost like anxiety is clinginging on, and then I question whether I’m bipolar or worse, which my therapist assures me I’m not. Has anyone else experienced these kind of thoughts? Thanks hope you are all ok

  118. Jennifer Says:

    Hi Jodie

    Yep, as usual, once again, your thoughts are like mine and it wierd how similar they are. The ‘did I dream it’ is a combination of a few things I believe. One is, as you feel as if you aren’t 100% with it (even though you are recovering well, like me) your mind is still a bit tired and just conscious that you need to be with it and remember stuff that happens and anxiety essential means that you aren’t trusting your own coping mechanisms, when actually you are doing fine and no one will even question your memory but you. It is also habit to question your mind as this is what you feel you have had to do to get through this anxiety and if your like me, then questioning, doubting and not trusting yourself is how you got yourself into the anxiety cycle in the first place.

    I also still sometimes think, am I actually really experiencing Bipolar disorder and this is anxiety, and I think it is because this adrenelyn makes you feel so up and down, like bipolar, but bipolar isn’t like that, there are long period of a downer or manicness.
    You will learn to trust yourself again slowly, I am starting to and its great. Horrible journey though. I would say that don’t think of it as holding you back from full recovery, like Paul says never aim for full recovery as no anxiety isn’t possible, just to be feeling better is enough.


  119. Doreen Says:

    Hi Teresa. yes, I do understand what you mean. I have had 2 physical illnesses going on at the same time as trying to manage anxiety and one of them (a virus) took a long time to go. It was so debilitating and I began to wonder whether it was really anxiety as I felt so shaky. The other ill health was caused by my gall bladder which is going to be removed soon. But I felt I needed to be mentally strong to manage feeling unwell and physically strong to manage the anxiety – getting exercise for instance. So i was watching myself both physically and mentally instead of just ‘getting on’ like Paul suggests. However today despite a very shaky start following a restless night when panicky feelings kept waking me up, I got dressed up for a late ‘mothers day’ lunch and felt really ‘me’.Something about putting on my nice clothes made me feel much better. Had a great time too.

  120. Teresa Says:

    Hi Doreen, thank you for your reply its great to link up with others who are experiencing similar . Trying to work out which is which and do i need to take painkillers or just fight it out becomes a battle in its self and i realised after reading evelyn, Paul and a few others here tonight that although i am ‘ill’ I am not getting on with it. Being ill is not easy but adding anxiety to it is not helping it. so i need to take note and help things by not being so hard on myself.
    Well done on changing your attitude today, it’s very hard but obviously it paid off and you had some relief from it. It only goes to show how it can be done and it does help things.
    It helps to read of people on here and how they handle differing situations especially when you can relate to them. Thank you.

  121. Jodie Says:

    Thanks Jen, mine was bought on by a panic attack after a very stressful time which I now know stemmed from post natal depression been a real tough few years!

    I think a lot of this is bad sleep as wen I sleep my dreams are just normal everday things even conversations that are very vivid so I question things a lot, I need some deep sleep (no dreams) if you know what I mean, such a strange thing isn’t it. Thanks again!

  122. Jennifer Says:

    That’s Ok Jodie, no worries, its nice to share. Yes, I find that when I am interuppted whilst sleeping, when I go back to sleep I have very light, vivid dreams about the following day and its related to things I am going to do, so this can be confusing when it comes to actually doing those things. My mind usually just ponders on it and if I am really not sure I will just double check with the person to clarify details and then laugh it off if it didn’t happen. Although I think that has only been once. If you pay attention to those around you, you will see that others call people by the wrong name, can’t remember things they did etc. We are normal, its just our dreams are vivid and everyone would react the same.

    Mine was brought on by a panic attack from being physically unwell and went down hill from there two years ago, recovered and then it happended again last year when I went for a small op. I would love to have children within the next few coming years, but that it something that if I am honest plays on my mind, that pregnancy will trigger another severe bout of anxiety. I suppose it might not happen, but It is a realistic possibility and I almost would sooner not take the risk. So sad for me really. Any advice from your experience?

  123. Junaid Ahsan Says:

    Hi! Everybody well am new to this place…please let me share my experience with you all with 26 years old guy i was so happy untill this thing had hit me i had no idea whats going wrong with me it all started when i was going to sleep i felt palpitations i dint know what is going on with me but it relaxed in few minutes & i went of to bed after that.And the next day again i felt it i went to the doctor and he said its nothing may be some gastric problem he gave some pills and i was on my way after that i started feeling tightness in my chest area but i still carried on thinking that it is the gases causing me the trouble but in the mean while i started believing that i have some heart problem as i am a smoker & thought that it is possible and then this led me to a full blown panic attack i still remember that afternoon when i was alone suddenly my heart started beating so fast i thought am gone die i rushed on my own to the emergency block of the hospital telling the doctors i think am having a heart attack so the first thing they did was blood pressure check it came out normal and then they performed ECG even that came out normal and last thing they did was complete blood picture test even this came out normal they said everything is perfect with your health you dont have to worry & asked to leave with out explaining what was wrong with me.Then i googled felt like an heart attack what was it and discovered it was panic attack and then i was like phew so relaxed.And the next morning i woke up & felt so out of touch with whats going on around me i thought i was going mad and then started googling to found out it was anxiety & its symptoms then i was like looking for medicines & stuff i thought homeopathy would be good because i doesnt have any side effects so went to a homeopath & he was like there is nothing to worry u will be normal with in few days he gave me some medicines & i was on my way a little relaxed started the 10 days course but nothing improved i was so desperate to rid my self from this went for herbal cure again that doctor said oh nothing to worry you landed at a right place & then again i felt a little calm saying to my self finally this one will work even this herbal doctor gave me course for a week but even this dint work & i was like in complete hell by then with all those strange negative thoughts running on my mind lets do suicide rather then living like this and that and in this mean while i started avoiding all my friends and my relatives thinking what if i make a fool of my self with these stupid thoughts & my mom thought i was afflicted with some evil eye or so lol..untill i found this PAUL’s site i was not relaxed for a one single moment when i saw the symptoms which Paul mentioned i have all of them then i went through the blogs everyday & Paul i want to tell you that they are so very helpful & thanks so very much for it God bless you dear not only you but all your family and your upcoming generations.I want to tell you Paul that finally i have got my LIFE back it was not easy in the starting i started applying all your teachings you really made it so simple in one single word “UNDERSTANDING” once i went through your blogs and other things & gained so much of knowledge & then i started throwing myself up but all instincts were like get back home its much better there although i felt horrible & detached sitting around my best buddies some what trying to hold some kind of conversation at times but started getting much and much better now.I made out what is keeping me out touch from sorroundings is that constantly am questioning my self how am i feeling which i made out & i dont have to work on it and the other this is that disturbing thoughts and i just have to let it pass.So friends please go enjoy your life dont get fooled with your thoughts just put your trust in Paul’s words & start living your life again stop observing yourself trust i have been out with friends nothing bad ever happened so go have fun just stop trying to fix your self up & if you going out & get some negative thoughts so you know what they are just pay them any respect let them be there dont get scared as they are just thoughts.

  124. DCYL Says:

    Hey All,

    Hope everyone is well! Been doing better after a tough few weeks (a bit sick, so that didn’t help). Finally getting over the cold so that has helped.

    I did have a couple of questions I wanted to pose. I’ll explain why after I ask the questions:

    1. Are people here involved heavily in Social Media (Facebook, etc).
    2. Do you think that Social Media can have an affect on our anxiety?

    I was fine most of the day today. I spent a few hours of the afternoon into the evening at home (mostly in front of the TV / computer). I was doing fine until later in the evening when I was surfing through some FB stuff. Just happened to see a friend post that she went out to the wee hours last night.

    I remembered me thinking “which friends she hung out with”, “too bad I didn’t go out”, etc. Nothing super obsessive but I know my mood changed a bit.

    Just curious if people (if you are using social media a lot) have felt that way. I’ve had discussions with friends who think social media is a big negative as it makes everyone seem SO HAPPY and we inevitably compare ourselves to others.

    Given the anxiety we all feel, I’m sure for some this might not help matters. I’m ok for the most part but thinking of moderating time spent on social media. :)

    If anyone had any thoughts, please do share.

  125. Jodie Says:

    Jen please do not let anxiety put u off children!! It could be a turning point for you, I had a lot of family problems and deaths and house moves which all added to stress. My child is the best thing I have ever done and I will go on to have another no doubt! If you do suffer after so what… If it gets bad just visit the doctor who will give u something to help I know many people do not agree with tablets but when I was really bad I had them and they were a blessing and gave me so much relief especially when having to look after a baby full time and you know what I come to discover that this is soo common especially in new mums! Go for it!!

  126. Doreen Says:

    Teresa – my major anxiety episode was back in 2002 when I had a terrible bout of sciatica. It was very, very painful and made me almost unable to move. At first I was strong about it then had a panic attack in a supermarket as I was scared to walk with the pain. The anxiety became to dominant theme and during the months of dealing with that the back pain just faded. However, I can very easily become anxious when I am ill, not with fears that there is anything seriously wrong but in case I fall back in panic mode. So I am frightened of being frightened. So separating the physical from the mental is hard and I have been back in that confused place recently. I do empathise.

  127. Doreen Says:

    DCYL. I completely agree with you regarding the possible impact of messages on FB. My daughter posts messages the content of which I know her brother finds really irritating. I read them and in the past have got all knotted up knowing what he will be thinking. Recently however, I have decided that it is none of my business so feel more relaxed. But feeling personally hurt by possibly feeling excluded is a sticky one – my neighbour has that problem and also gets very upset if her text messages do not get an almost immediate repsonse. I think FB is a very mixed blessing – great fun at times but also easy to get wound up about

  128. Jeff Says:

    DCYL, I have actually found social media to be helpful and had resisted joining FB until my anxiety began. To me it is nice to stay in touch with friends all over the world and gather strength from knowing you can reach out to them at a moments notice.

    On an unrelated note, discussing anxiety and thoughts of suicide with my therapist he said something to me that was very simple yet somehow very powerful. We discussed why all this is happening to me and I told him I couldn’t help the chemical reactions in my body. He then informed me (which I knew from my CBT reading) that thought drives the reactions. Anyway, the big takeaway was when he said “you don’t need to do this to yourself.” For whatever reason I needed to hear those words. My own thoughts and negativity fuel this thing. Those words have helped alot. It is simple and true, you don’t need to do this to yourself.

  129. Teresa Says:

    Thank you doreen – I feel reassured that you are able to look back and say that the 2 separated when the pain subsided, that reassures me greatly. My anxiety started with a health issue too – and i think the fact that it took so long to settle into ‘anxiety’ frightens me. Yes – like you i am brave when it comes to addressing the health issue but become very frightened of the anxiety that will attach itself to the issue.
    I feel now the answer has to be accept that it is healing – stop questioning the pain.
    I really hope you continue to be able to hold the right perspective on your problem and that it is all over for you soon and it will give you strength to look back and feel you handled it well.

  130. faye Says:

    Hiya paul
    just wanted to say thanks for the book and the app ! im no way cured as it as a long road! but what you write and say is true ! but i am doubtful that i will fully recover cause i have the symtom ringing in the ear wich constantly rings and it ake me panic ! but i google and try find miracle cures and i always end up at your website because its thr truth and i have got so mucgh better i have had days/ weeks were i have just lived and i kno why you call the book at last at life !but hopefully i will get there with a little faith ! so basically this is a thankyou letter becuase you are acyually helping people and thants amazing so thank you paul.
    kind regards
    faye x

  131. Teresa Says:

    Faye – I am not sure if you realise this but there are a couple of people on here who have had this symptom – Paul being one of them and he is completely cured. i remeber one person saying that all of a sudden he thought, what if i do hear ringing, it does not matter i can still get on with my life – over a period of time it left him. So have faith, i know how hard it is, whatever it is that worries you – but there is proof on here that you can. Good wishes.

  132. Teresa Says:

    Jeff – Thanks for sharing that with us. I think it is very empowering to hear that it is not something we cannot help, and a sPaul says it is not a ‘to do’ but to know we don’t have to do it to ourselves. i think sometimes the belief that ‘we can’t help it’ makes us even more scared – what you are saying is we can help it by just following the advice and not ‘fuelling’ up by adding one scary thought to the next by believing we have no control. We do have control, after the first thought – the first thought comes unbidden that is where you tell in ‘no’ – don’t get in the ring. i think thats what it means anyway.

  133. Monica Says:

    Jodie, I understand you feel about the whole bipolar/crazy thing. Something I have realized about anxiety is that it makes us hyper aware of everything but in a negative way. We are constantly looking for more symptoms both physically or mentally, whether we realize it or not. So the slightest things set us off. For example, if you are feeling constantly anxious and you begin having vivid dreams for a week you are going to wonder why, and how this relates to anxiety and begin thinking maybe it means you may have some mental disorder and etc etc etc. The thing is, a non-anxious person who starts having vivid dreams would just say, “Cool. My dreams are vivid lately.” And that is all they would say.
    If you were really bipolar, people around you would notice. Your therapist would notice. It’s not something one can easily hide. Anxiety we can carry on with our day and act normal because it isn’t affecting us the same way being bipolar would. They are very different conditions. Anxiety is a physical thing, but it feels mental because our minds and our thinking become so caught up with something that is very much a physiological reaction. At that point, both physically and in our minds we are feeling anxious and that is when the negative thinking cycle begins and that is when our minds go off ruminating and on thinking tangents. Trust in your health and that you will get better.
    Best Regards,

  134. Faye Says:

    Hello Teresa
    Thanks for your reply .its just that I have had for a year and a half I feel like its the last symptom and it’s here to stay there is a lot off negative info on the Internet . But I used to be scared of flying bus trains public places and I use to think I was bipolar and sclzchzopjtrnic and I have been through all that and I can brush them thoughts of and rarely come , so all the people struggling with them thought welcome them , laught at them they do pass .. Xxxxxx

  135. Teresa Says:

    You sound like you have come so far, have faith. I am not saying this lightly as I know how awful some of these physical symptoms can be, there will come a time when something clicks and you will have the same response to the ringing as you had to the bipolar. I used to get DP – did not even know what it was in them days, i remebr then having a eureka moment whilst away from home, one minute feeling so sorry for myself about it and the next walking through a town in Cornwall and thinking, who cares, it doesn’t hurt and I feel in a bubble, so what, the bubbles not a bad place. i would say within hours it went and never came back. I wish I could remeber where i read the posts on the ringing of the ears, there are several of them and all of them had lost it after a while- so hang on in there , it will go.

  136. Zoe Says:

    Hi Paul,

    Please could I Post my Success Story? If I could Write my Experience with Anxiety down in a Word Document and You could put it up! I’d Love to Share My Story here is My E-Mail Address if You could Reply to me through My E-Mail and tell me what to do?

    Thank You for Helping me through what I now call the most AMAZING Experience of My Life!


  137. Monica Says:

    Faye- Don’t ever think you cannot fully recover. This isn’t true! Ringing in the ears is a very small symptom and anxiety can cause ringing in the ears. It is a common symptom. So don’t be afraid of it. Have faith in yourself :)

  138. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Sure Zoe I had one sent to me last week actually and was just deciding if to add it on the site or app

    I have taken your email off your post as you will get spammed by offers of 100 lottery wins a week if not :-)

    I will email you and just send it me and I will use it to help others somewhere around the app or site


  139. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Theresa how are things? We will have to meet up in Cornwall when I come down in the summer if your down at the same time.

    Oh Faye don’t worry about the ringing sensation and please don’t let it throw you like it does, this just brings more anxiety and the ringing continues. I had the ringing for a while and used to let it bother me all day, I let it get me down, thought I was going crazy, tried to research the hell out of it. Then I just decided to let it ring if it wished, it was still annoying, but without my full attention it grew weaker and weaker and went in time.

    Trust me I would never lie to anyone here, it is a very common symptom of anxiety and it will pass, but you have to let it have its space and just let it ring in the background, try not to worry or get anxious about it and more than anything don’t keep an eye on it and put a time limit on it going, just let it be, trust me this is what I did and it left in time.

  140. Sinead Says:

    hey all!
    just read a few of the comments dead busy at minute so havent really got to read them all-elaine i remember you going through a bad patch when i was although i wasnt communicating directly with you great to see youre doing well i too am doing good :)
    paul great post, definitely an over active mind thats bothering me at the minute and may never go away-looking back looking forward overthinking and just negative thoughts creeping in and the dreaded what ifs plus thatconstant-remember you have anxiety everytime i find myself laughing carefree-but i have anxiety i cant make that go away those thoughts are very uncomfortable and sometimes make me feel nauseous and sad but of course they would because my overactive anxious mind creates them in the most trying and testing way and its just about smiling about getting on with my day.i try not to have a mantra- because i try not to try not to have anxiety lol am i making sense?-but i find the best thing when the thoughts creep in is not to have a mantra and repeat to myself its fine these thoughts will go away in 10 minutes if i just focus my mind on something else-but instead i just know in myself and trust myself that by focusing on something else the thoughts will drift away-and then as soon as my conscious refocuses on anxiety theyll come back-but theyll go away again-and then come back :) but its about being ok with that and sometimes its easier than others to just trust in myself to let my mind be and eventually ill forget about the worst thoughts my anxiety tries to bring to the forefront of my mind-but eventually all the worst feelings fade-they may be replaced with others but thats just the way anxiety works.does it sound like im thinking about this the right way paul and anyone else whos recovered near recovery?
    and matt was just reading your comments about family not understanding at the start of these posts-some of my family friends have been very supportive-i feel ive recovered most thanks to the help from the friends who view my anxiety in the same way i do-yeh its there theres nothing i/they can do to change it turn back time change the future change how im feeling so why waste time thinking talking about it analysing it-just get on with our friendship as if the anxiety isnt there and im the same person ive always been-and then in the times when its worst sometimes it just helps to say the worst thoughts that are running through my head, recognise them for what they are stupid anxious thoughts that arent worth the time of day and then just change the conversation to something more positive-im very lucky to have those “best” friend was like your mom with the negative comments-she still to this day tells me im not being myself-which feeds my anxiety, how much ive changed, she repeatedly told me to catch a grip, i needed to stop this,what was wrong with me now, you need to get a hold on this NOW- and ive told her repeatedly can she please change her attitude to this i know she wants to help me but the way shes behaving she cant- but she just doesnt listen-i think this is just a very hard thing for people to understand-so i just took some time away from her-obviously this prob isnt an option cos its your mom-but slowly i think she saw me doing all these things i used to do-getting out and about with other friends having a laugh, chatting going out and seeing that she saw that i was improving-she still tries to bring me down-but any time she does i just try to ignore her best as i can and then get out there and do stuff that will help with this anxiety anyway-as you said yourself getting back to college, work etc and the things you may not be able to explain to her that are improving at least you can show her are improving.dont know if that helps much but basically just keep doing everything youre doing regardless of her negativity because i think everyone will agree on here youre doing great and are a constant source of support

  141. Matt Says:

    sinead…thanks for the words of encouragement man, i really appreciate it. Today has been a great day, I can feel myself coming back….finally!! I was doing the things I normally do without the thoughts of DP, it went from being in the background to hours of it not being there at all. I finally told my mom that even though she doesn’t understand that I really need my space. She finally listened and has given me just that, she doesn’t nag me as much anymore, lol. She seems to be more accepting, but i’ve realized that this is my journey, not theirs. So whatever comes down the pipe I have to get through it, not them. I can’t tell a schizophrenic that their delusions aren’t real and just to get over it, because I don’t know what it’s like to be in that situation, just as they don’t know what it’s like to be in mine. I finally grasped it and accepted that…truly. That has been the biggest relief for me so far, today I just went to school hung out with kids, did normal stuff and didn’t even think about DP for the most part the entire day. It’s a blessing to know that there is recovery from this and I will continue to push forward every single day, no matter how difficult it is. Thanks for all the support!

  142. Sandeep Says:

    Paul – when I was googling the web, I found another guy, Paul Dooley, who has a website blog on how to deal w/ anxiety and he sounds an awful lot like you. Sounds like plagiarism to me!:)

  143. DCYL Says:

    Hey All,

    Well, thanks to those who responded to my post about FB. Looks like my thoughts got the best of me last night as I was a bit anxious prior to going to bed. Woke up a little off and feeling full of adrenaline. Despite feeling a bit weird, I made it through work and talked to my friend a bit to get some of my worries off my shoulders.

    One thing that I notice isn’t talked about a lot anymore (though Paul mentions it in his book) is that EXERCISE really burns off the adrenaline and makes you feel better. I just played in my basketball game much more relaxed. I realize not everyone has an opportunity to do exercise regularly due to obligations, kids, etc.

    Though last night was a bit of minor set back, I do feel I am on the right path as I generally feel good. But the occasional fleeting thought or feeling gets me “worried” sometime and I definitely have to work on that aspect.

  144. Jo Says:

    Hi Paul and everyone. I know I shouldn’t be doing this, but i just need a bit of help please. I wake every morning around 4am and can’t switch off. I have this horrible feeling of fear or dread, I’m not sure what it is. Some days it is not so bad now but others I start feeling sick, and usualy spend an hour or so coughing and heaving, and shaking. I suffered severe depression in 2004 and my doctor advised me that it was due to a serotonin imbalance and i wouldn’t get better without anti depressants. I did take them and I did get better, and I have been off them for some time. This latest bout is no where near as bad and I think is anxiety more than anything, starting about a month after my Mum died last year. I don’t want to go on anti depressants again, but I worry that if it is a chemical imbalance, how can i think myself out of that. I try to put Pauls teachings into practise but sometimes the fear is so overwhelming, I feel it will consume me. Please, does anyone else suffer the sickness? Thank you for listening. Jo

  145. DCYL Says:

    A couple of more thoughts that come to mind (funny when your anxiety is down a bit, you think a little clearer! :)

    1. What happened last night was that I felt a little lonely. That feeling is probably something we feel at some point. However, because I have been anxious, it probably hit me harder than normal. That led me to worry a bit, sweat a bit and just add to the anxiety. What I will improve upon is to accept the feelings (however strong or weird) and let them be.

    2. As I mentioned in my post last night, I felt pretty good for most of the weekend. But just a little thing really threw me off. I think I learned something. Even though some of us “improve” and feel better, our nerves may not be completely better. It’s like an injury that slowly heals. The majority of the pain may be gone but you’re not 100% yet. You’ll get there eventually but it just takes some time.

    Just sharing as I feel I need a reminder for myself. :)

  146. Teresa Says:

    A good reminder about taking time!
    Hi Paul – would love to meet up with you when i’m down in Cornwall sometime – at the moment have had to cancel holidays till tings improve, not anxiety but the back injury. I am currently trying to accept that ‘fear’ is having an impact on my vision of the future and i am trying to be positive about my back improving, which it is – but i’m still in pain and finding it very hard to be positve. However, obsessing about not taking painkillers etc I realise is not helping. I am taking many positive steps and some other memebrs on the blog have reassured me that when the ‘real’ pain subsides completely i will lose the fear of it. I am tryin to take the attitude that i am well into my recovery and reading your latest post on ditching the negative thinking has helped. as I was having ridiculous anxiety driven thoughts about being like this for life and at the time was heavily persuaded by them. I have started meditating (as I can’t excercise at the moment) . Hopefully soon i will be posting good news and saying the back is a lot better – i think accepting that i have to be patient with it is a move foward. Bet you wished you’d never asked, lol.
    When are you off to Cornwall? You are going for a long time i think aren’t you? Wonderful.

  147. Debby Says:

    Hi Teresa, I am in a very similar situation to you did something to my back 11 wks ago and is slowly improving but still suffering with pain and had exactly the same thoughts ‘what if i’m like this forever” i’m trying to be really positive now I still slip into negative thoughts now and then which tend to be when pain is bad and the fear of the pain is unbelievable and goes worse when I get stressed, I know I just need to accept it and get on with life which i’m getting better at and it has distracted me from my dizziness which isn’t half as bad now so hopefully it’s just a matter of time this will all pass hope you feel better soon and take care 😀

  148. Teresa Says:

    Hi Debby
    Seems there are a few of us, safety in numbers , lol. I know exactly what you mean about the fear of the pain being accelerated by stress/fear/thoughts. If that is the case it can also be the reverse and that reassurance help lessen the pain.
    common sense should tell us that like everyone else who has had similar we will come through this, and as the real problem settles down the anxiety will too. My problem is that i also have an issue with taking painkillers so i am constantly being told and reassured to take them – it seems i am testing myself to see if this is ‘anxiety’ now or the physical thing. truth be told it is a bit of both as you explained above. somewhere along the line something has to give and it will – for both of us, hopefully we will have learnt enough from this to not refocus on something else.
    It is a slow job and most people i know who have similar have had to be patient so we’ll try not to add worry to our problem and lets look foward with hope.
    Any encouraging stories for us would be welcome – LOL.
    don’t worry about the dizziness, you may well have lost your fear of it now and perhaps after this we’ll both be LOTS better.

  149. Debby Says:

    Hi Teresa, yes my dizziness doesn’t bother me much anymore I can simply shake it off this seems to be my new focus, my pain moves around too doesn’t stay in one place get it in my neck and shoulders too, i’m the same with pain killers will hold off taking them until I cant cope, I find heat pads help the most, it was funny went out on Saturday night with friends and had the pain in back and was quite worried about it like ‘oh what if my back gets really bad and I have to be taken home’ once I’d had a glass of wine and got chatting it disappeared until the next day which I thought was quite interesting just shows the over worrying maybe bringing the pain sometimes:-/

  150. Teresa Says:

    Sounds to me like you are probably almost over it Debby – be a little patient with yourself now and once you notice those moments they will come more often. It maybe a case that your back nerves are sensitive because of the recent back problem and when you get it mildly you over react to it. You are doing the right thing by getting out and about – your attention towards it will get less if its anxiety. I need to take some of my own advice – at the moment I’m not as far down the road as you, still having the pain everyday – nowhere near as bad as when it first happened and most of the movement back in my leg. As for the neck and shoulder it can travel – mine is mostly lower back and leg but can be shoulder too.
    Things sound like they could be moving for you Debby – I have seen this happen with other things i have had over the years and when you see things shift with your attention you are likely to see it happen again – and then again and all of a sudden you realise you are not scared of it anymore. Keep the faith you are getting there .

  151. Debby Says:

    Thanks Teresa your comments are very much appreciated take care:-D

  152. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Teresa I am in Cornwall and Devon for 12 weeks from the 6th May if you are down just let me know and we will have a coffee :-)

  153. Paulina Says:

    Hello guys, I was here about a year and a half ago when I first suffered with anxiety. It was bad. I was lost and desperate. When I found this website and Paul’s help not only I was relieved but saved!. I am now a much more calm person, I have not had a panic attack probably for over a year. All the advice and info here is all you all need to come to the other side. so chin up and before you know it, anxiety will be a nuisance in the back of your mind.

    There is only one thing that still lingers and I was hoping Paul or any member can give me some input. About six months after I started recovery, I noticed eye floaters. Today they still linger there and I kind of feel they are more than before. I ignore them most of the time, I went to my eye doctor and he did not really say anything was wrong with me. These floaters are in both eyes and I am still young to have so many.

    On the other hand, besides from feeling much more calm and happy, my anxiety developed after too much stress and worry which made my blood pressure to increase. This of course made things even worst and just couldnt stop worrying about my high blood pressure. I took medication for a few months but many people who know what I went through suggested that the high blood pressure was a consequence of my anxiety… which I totally agree. My only problem right now is that I have not visited a doctor ever since.. and I am so scared to go to one to hear that my pressure is high and god knows what else.

    It really annoys me the fact that I am very well recovered, but the whole doctor visit just makes my heart raise and I feel nervous just to think what will he say.

    Again Thank you Paul and all the people that contributes to this site. Please continue to do so, You all made a new a better person.!


  154. Lai Says:

    Hi, Rick.

    I’ve had issues concerning my faith while I was going through my panic attack episodes. I even wondered if I was being punished by God for not being good. I was so consumed by guilt every time I thought I was violating some heavenly rules. In spite of the doubts, I somehow knew that God would’ve not wanted me to suffer. Being a parent myself, I would never subject my kids to suffering or anguish of any kind. What more of God who is love Himself?

    Our fears were not created by God. They are products of our imaginations. If we’ve created them then no one but us could vanish them. The process won’t be easy because our natural tendency is to believe what we’ve created. Our fears should not be treated hostilely as enemies but be looked upon with understanding and love. It’s pretty normal to sort of “run away” when one’s feelings become uncomfortable but running away has proven futile to our peace of mind.

    Why don’t we honor the moment and let things be for a change? We suffer because we don’t like what the moment brings us. No matter what the moment contains – fear, anguish, anger, frustration, disappointment – let us try to understand how those emotions truly feel and take comfort from the fact that nothing really stays the same. Everything passes. We are always given a new NOW but we seem to be glued to the past or always looking forward to the future for salvation. We are lost in our heads and tuned in to that little voice that holds us back from being present, from being “here”.

    Guys, we all have that guiding light inside of us whether you believe in God or not. You don’t have to go anywhere but deep inside you to be certain that you are not left alone to your own devices no matter what it is that you’re going through. Stay still in silence and you’ll know that what I am saying here is true :)

  155. Jo Says:

    Well I think I must be invisible too, because no one seems to respond to my posts so I’ll manage by myself. Thanks.

  156. Paulina Says:

    Hi Jo,
    you are not invisible at all.. I remember when used to visit this website I wrote in a few forums and never really got feedback, but that is ok. All the information you need is here to support you during recovery.
    Believe in yourself and body and mind. If you know this is happening because of your mom passing, then let time do its trick. I know you will be fine. maybe engage yourself in a physical activity that could allow you to sleep deeply and for longer hours. But remember, Stop Worrying! that is the key to success.
    and smile :)

  157. Rick Says:

    Hi, Lai

    I appreciate your response to my post. I am not a parent myself, but I too have thought that God would not want this for us. I would ask myself, “If I was a parent, would I want this for my child/children?” Of course, the answer is no. You are correct. These fears are brought on by ourselves, our over-active minds and tired nerves.
    I remember as a child, I overcame OCD. In my opinion, OCD and anxiety go hand in hand as they both thrive off of fear. I used to wash my hands constantly and be deathly afraid of germs. Haha, I have to laugh about it now because looking back, it was so unnecessary. This anxiety that we are all dealing with now will soon be a memory; just a thought. We will be able to look back and see it only has a memory, something we overcame and became better individuals because of it. It will happen but it takes time and effort on our part. I think about how I used to be with OCD and now, it doesn’t bother me whatsoever. I could go all day without washing my hands (except after using the bathroom and before eating, of course, hehe) and it wouldnt bother me. My experience with OCD has helped me in breaking through they cycle of anxiety. My advice to anyone on here is to possibly look at past struggles you have overcome and use that as a springboard to conquer anxiety.
    The road to breaking through is not an easy one, by any means. The only way is through is and not around, however. Once you have learned to live alongside the feelings and carry on with your day, then things will start to get better. So many things are easier said than done, but it’s true. The day you start to do things like you used to, despite of how horrible you may feel, will be the day things start to get better. As Paul has mentioned, those days are “learning” days; we learn slowly to be our old selves. No one can take away the good days, but we have to learn to build off of them despite the bad days we still may encounter.
    I have tried many times to explain why I am going through this, as I imagine many of you have as well. The truth is, we all have struggles in life. I doubt there is one person in this world that has never had to overcome. These are the shoes were given to walk in, not forever, but just awhile. I believe this will make me a better, stronger person after I have truly broken through. In a way, I am grateful for this struggle because I know I will be that much better for having gone through it.
    Paul, your book was a blessing for me and I’m grateful for finding your site. I can’t thank you enough. Someone had previous mentioned Guy Finley’s books but I haven’t gone back through the forum to look …so to that person, thank you as well. I believe his books compliment your method perfectly and would recommend them if anyone is curious. That being said, it’s one thing to compliment Paul’s method but quite another to search incessantly on the web for cures/quick fixes.
    And Jo, you’re not alone. We’re all in this together. I too would wonder if I had a chemical imbalance, but it was just another thing the anxiety would latch on to. I’m no medical expert, but I don’t believe you have to have a chemical imbalance to be depressed. I don’t believe in using drugs for depression or anxiety. I truly believe that you can get well with your own will power and a little nudge from others now and again. As Paulina mentioned, all of the tools for your recovery are at your disposal; you are the one who has to put the advice into practice. I found that just reading the experiences of others had a huge impact on me. Now that I find myself getting stronger, i want to give a little bit back. Keep your head up, Jo..there is a light at the end of the tunnel …wishing the best for everyone.

  158. Teresa Says:

    Jo – fear is very convincing when it comes and although I have not experienced your excat symptoms I’ve pretty much seen it take on many masks. It’s very hard to explain this – and although I can try and explain it to you and I understand it technically trying to understand it on an instinctive level is missing me very often at the moment. What I am trying to say is ‘FEAR’ is ‘FEAR’ – regardless of what it attaches itself to. So you are fearsome of depression because you have experienced it and it has given you a hard time before. You have had a major blow last year and are vulnerible – as anyone would be and now you have ‘FEAR’ of that vulneribility. Try and give yourself time to ‘not feel ok’ – try not to worry about anti depressants, that is more linked to the fear that you are not doing the correct thing to address your current mood. I am not a doctor so cannot tell you medically but I will tell you that lots of people on here have had depression and come through it without pills. It’s the worry that is bothering you – should I shouldn’t I. Hope that helps.

  159. Joshua Says:

    Hi Jo,
    Of course you are not invisible, sometimes that happens on here I don’t know why, I’m guessing because everyone can be so into their own symptoms they unknowingly neglect others, I promise that it is not intentional. I used to wake up at all times of the night with anxiety and most times it felt like the anxiety was waking me up and not me waking up and then feeling anxious. For a while I only got several hours of sleep a night and like clockwork I would wake up at the exact same times every night with all kinds of crazy symptoms. I didn’t know how to shut them off and I would shake like the leaves of a tree in a hurricane. It finally calmed down because i wanted to stop being afraid of how i felt all the time and now instead of worrying about getting no sleep I simply don’t want to wake up in the morning! you will get there Jo, I can almost guarantee that everyone on here has been an insomniac at some point and we all hav woken up with or been woken up by
    anxiety. Also I’ve been told by doctor too that things won’t go away without magic pills and I have been also told I will be this way forever! Ha! Boy were they wrong! Trust me, this is just a small point in your history, things will get better, it just takes time, patience, and understanding

  160. Jo Says:

    Thank you Paulina, Rick, Teresa and Joshua for replying to me. I do appreciate it. Jo x

  161. Joshua Says:

    Hi Paulina,
    You sound alot like me around the end of last year, I used get horrible white coat syndrome, and worry for weeks about high blood pressure. I would hate going to the doctor. I would already be anxious when I went and twice that when they would bring out the blood pressure tester.I would always be very high but I was actually quite releaved to find that this is a very common fear with anxiety sufferers. In fact if you look at the old posts from last month you will find lengthy discussions with me and Evelyn on this very subject. She would be the perfect person to talk to about this subject. Also I get tons of eye floaters, very normal with anxiety and absolutely nothing to get anxious about. I am glad to hear you road to recovery has gone so well!

  162. Teresa Says:

    You more than welcome Jo – we all understand , we all feel it in one way or another.

  163. Joshua Says:

    Excellent post Teresa! 😉

  164. Jeff Says:

    Lai, really like your post. We are ever changing, nothing stays the same, and it is nothing to be frightened of…it is just truth. Again, I must recommend the books of Pema Chodron to everyone. Of particular help to me was “The Wisdom of No Escape,” and “When Things Fall Apart.” They are a great source of strength, and have taught me that acceptance is the key. Acceptance is easy to learn, harder to practice. I work at it every day.

    Don’t fight, don’t struggle, it’s only life afterall:)

  165. Matt Says:

    Hey guys, just wanted to update you on my DP. It seems to have almost faded, I go alot of days without thinking about it at all. The lingering symptom that I have right now is the strangeness. Everything still feels strange and weird, and I know it’s a byproduct of the Dp, but paul or anyone else that had this symptom, how long did it take for that to go away? I am a lot happier now, and enjoy life again, but that symptom continues to linger for some reason. Some advice would be much appreciated. thanks!

  166. Paulina Says:

    Thanks for your response., and I also believe that my high blood pressure was a result of my anxiety, as I never had that before. And what you described its exactly what I feel about doctors… and what’s funny is that I never felt that way before I suffered with anxiety. Its kind of funny.
    The eye floaters I guess it’s just a matter of acceptance.. huh.
    I will try to get in contact with Evelyn and read your posts about it.
    Thanks again!.

  167. marcb Says:

    Hi all, this may seem like a weird question but how do u know if a thought u get is an anxious thought? What is it that makes a thought an anxious thought? Many thanks … Marcb

  168. Teresa Says:

    Hi Joshua – yes I understand it all only too well,as Jeff says – easy to learn harder to practice lol, but as long as we are all helping each other thats the main thing. I think we have learnt to have more faith in other people’s opinions than our own and thats why we value the support so much.
    And eye floaters have had them back and fore for years, no problem just leave them be they’ll go.

  169. Monica Says:

    Marchb – An anxious thought is a thought brought on by fear or worry. A thought like “hmm, I need to go out and get more toilet paper” is a normal thought. An anxious thought would be any sort of irrational fear or worry or any thoughts of avoidance behaviour.

  170. Evelyn Says:

    Hi Paulina :)

    I hope u are doing well.. if u read the post me and joshua had u will truly find them helpful .. its amazingggggg how ur mind can play tricks on you! I had gone to the doc several times a my b.p would be 140/83 or so.. on one occasion my doc was not there and u had another doc evaluate me for my flu. She super scared me! That my pressure was outrageous! She was so focused on my pressure than my following week I had a doc appointment with my personal doc.. he said all my lab test were normal.. which I still was very concerned ..let me mind u that at the doc office I would go hey wire to take the pressure! So finally the next day I went to the local c.v.s and took it ..BUT BEFORE I DID I THOUGHT OF ALL THE ADVICE JOSHUA AND ANTHONY GAVE ME..I said to myself if I have it high oh well people live successful lives with worst situations! So let’s ale the nest of it.. since I was not in my phobia zone, the “doc” office I took it and it was 117/78.. I knew then in there that I was not gonna feed into this anymore! !!! ITS BURROWS. My doc told me it could be white coat syndrome. Yea after this site had already told oh man these doctors I tell u will keep u in circles! Anyway ur fine Paulina u just have to believe it in ur heart;)

  171. Evelyn Says:

    Its buried!!! Sorry im typing from my phone.

  172. Evelyn Says:

    Oh and Paulina the eye floater thing I had it before so annoying! It left just as soon as I stop paying attention to them!

  173. Paulina Says:

    thank you for taking the time to write that. It really helps to know I am not one crazy young woman worrying about something that I know where it originated. I now feel like I should just go to my doc for a reg check up and confront my fear. I havent been there for a while, simply because i dont want to hear or know that sometime is wrong. I do have a tester at home that the doc gave me the first time he checked me and it was high. I had to check my bp every morning. But eventhough i was at home, I could still feel the nervousness waiting for those number to show on the screen…So I stopped using that, and I havent check it for a year.
    I will repeat to my self what you just told me and not hide from it anymore..:) I also have stopped exercising for the fear of my bp to increase… its ridiculous.

    Thanks again :)

  174. DCYL Says:

    Hey All,

    This post has been up for a few weeks and it finally sunk in a bit. Maybe I’ve been a little tired lately but I realized that I let my past experiences with anxiety really get to me. I might walk by locations and think “I really remember how I felt last year”. Usually I can let it go. However, at time (when I’m tired or something), I’ll let these past memories get to me.

    This reminded me of when I was younger and playing basketball. I was always worried about my performance before the game. If I played bad the week before, I would always dwell on the bad performance and let it affect me during the current week.

    These days, it doesn’t bother me whether I do well or not. But as Paul points out, we can’t let past experiences affect us and we can’t “worry” about future performances. All you can do is take each situation as they come.

    It’s not quite as simple for anxiety but the theory is sound. Now I think I need to implement it better…..hahahaha

    Hope everyone is well.

  175. Maria Says:

    Hello everyone,

    I have been on this blog many times and I have to say the information here is helpful and it does work! I have been suffering with anxiety for the past 2 and a half months and it has got better.
    However, what I am suffering from now are thoughts about the reality of life and everything around it, like what is the point of this and that, is this anxiety induced? Then my mind starts playing tricks on me that I have some kind of desease/ disorder.

    Please reply to me :)

    Thanks X

  176. Debbie Says:

    Hiya why is it that when we have a few good days things happen then back we are again struggling, all in one day I had the news that my friends daughter had died aged 20, she had been ill for a long time so was expected but of course very upsetting when it happens, then my oldest daughter whose my support has got to have a liver biopsy as she has a lump, then my middle daughter got told she has to have IVF to become pregnant, all this in one day I know is a lot for anybody without anxiety, but I get the mind racing of “well if I was normal I would be able to cope and I’m a failure as a mother and it goes on and on and on, I can’t go back to work, I knew I would get bad having had a few good days I always do so on and on!
    So…. the physical symptoms are hell and I’m thinking what can I do to stop them….nothing, so all I can do is try and get through the day, as I’ve said on here before I have trouble accepting, I can see I’m fighting with myself already so how do I say to myself ok this is normal for me to feel anxious carry on through the day with how you feel it can’t hurt you…. and believe what ur thinking not just thinking it cos u know that’s what u should be doing??

  177. Teresa Says:

    Debbie – First of all anyone with these probs would be upset and worried, the difference between an anxiety sufferer and someone who is not prone to it is the secondary worry of ‘how is this going to affect my anxiety’ and i won’t be able to cope and help. You will – your motherly instinct will kick in and you will cope. You are not a failure as a mother – I am sure all of us who are female in this situation feel this – it’s guilt and if you are male you probably feel it as a father and if you don’t have children you probably feel it towards your partner or parents, its what anxiety does.
    How can we change things? Lets think about what you do do for your daughters? You say your daughter is your support (and I know what you mean) but try and look at it from her view point too – i bet you give her lots of love too. So regardless of how you ‘feel’ – don’t worry about your ability to help her – you will. you may well find that the old saying you ‘rise above it’ comes into play, it often does. Time changes everything and if you can just get through each day together, supporting each other for the time being I am sure you will be strong – and come through it . Take care.

  178. marcb Says:

    Hi all, I seem to be exactly the same as Debbie, I have massive problems accepting, my mind is going a million miles an hour, I know I’m fighting the thoughts but i can’t seem not to. Back last June when i first got the book everything clicked and i managed to let the thoughts ride, but since September I have been slowly getting worse as i wont/cant stop fighting. I am supposed to be going to Dublin for a few days on the 31st with my girlfriend but i honestly cant see myself going now, she will be devastated, something else I will have to deal with. I’m waking up now feeling awful, and struggling thru the day almost pointlessly. The worse thing about is all is I know what to do, but can’t seem to do it. Yours sincerely….. Marcb

  179. Jo Says:

    Hello marcb. I am new here and not really qualified to give advice as I am struggling with acceptance myself. But I can identify with your fear of going to Dublin. I too have a trip to London planned with my son in April. Part of me is looking forward to it and part is terrified of becoming ill. having a panic attack. passisng out etc. I have turned it over and over in my mind about should I go or not, and I have decided that no matter how bad I feel on the morning I am going to do my damndest to go. I know I will regret it and feel I have let myself, and my son down if I don’t. It won’t be easy. There have been times when out shopping that I have felt overwhelmed with fear and wanted to rush home, but I have stayed, and nothing bad happened. I didn’t die or go crazy or disappear into some other reality.Other times I have had to force myself to go out just to walk my dog because I felt safer at home, but I have done it and nothing bad happened. I know how difficult it is, it’s the most horrible feeling to be afraid when you don’t even know what you are afraid of. I’m telling myself that if I can do that here, I can do it in London. I will have my son with me and he know my problems. Does your girlfriend know how you suffer? Let her help you. But please don’t give up. There is some good advice on here, let these people help you too. x

  180. marcb Says:

    Thanks Jo, She does know yes, but I dont know what to do for the best. Today is the worse I have felt for a long time, I also get the feeling my G/F doesnt quite get how bad i am feeling, I am close to ending the relationship as she is quite simply the best person I have met in my life and I dont want to put her thru all this crap, its not fair on her. I have been crying continuously for an hour and 15 minutes, I dont know where all the tears are coming from. Thanks for listening Jo….. Marcb

  181. marcb Says:

    … one more thing, is there someone out there who is well on the road to recovery or recovered who would be willing to exchange email addresses with me? Thanks….. Marcb

  182. Debbie Says:

    Thanks to Teresa for the reply. I wish I could learn how to accept, sometimes I think I do slightly but perhaps I expect everything will be better then when it’s not I think I obviously haven’t, it’s funny how we can never remember the good days it’s always the bad bits! I just find the physical symptoms hard to cope with, I know PAul says to carry on with ur day and do things u enjoy, how can u do anything let alone enjoy it? I’ve read PAuls book over and over I don’t know why I can’t do what he’s saying I don’t know how he managed to do it feeling like he did!

  183. jackie Says:

    Hi Debbie,

    I used to get caught up with acceptance and feeling better and not understanding what it really meant. One day I thought to myself, if I had accepted all this, then I would be OK. I would be near recovery.

    So what I did, no matter how awful I felt when I woke in the morning was do what I had to do, I felt like rubbish most of the time, but I found I was kind of just going through it and then I found the more I did this and just carried on even though I felt so bad, eventually I was getting longer and longer periods of time where I was actually feeling OK again.

    There was never a time I don’t think where I enjoyed it, but I knew that this was the only way out of it. I remember making a cake with my daughter and my head was spinning, I could hardly see straight, my vision was all blury and I felt so out of it, but I carried on, making that cake. I didn’t really feel any better after making it, but every little thing you do and carry on doing like you normally would will be a step forward.
    I saw that I could actually make that cake without anything horrific happening to me, it was just all symptoms of anxiety.

    It does take time but you really must carry on with your day feeling what you are feeling but not being scared or worried about how you are feeling. That is when you will be on your way. The more you try to push your feelings and thoughts away, the more they will come back to you. Let them all be there, feel every single one of them and let them be.

    Hope to help a little, Jackie xx

  184. Teresa Says:

    Hi Jackie, thats a good post – i think it will help several people. It’s funny how listening to someone else’s story makes more sense than your own.
    I think we all think our own anxiety is different because… but it’s not really. I have a problem with anxiety magnifying my perseption of health problems – a very negative voice creeps in and has me in tis grasp. Accepting now is now should be what I do.
    The advice about acceptance is good, i rememeber taking that leap of faith and just getting on, yes it takes time but it does happen Debbie. I feel a bit of a fraud being on here giving advice when I’m in my own particular hole at the moment but from where I am I can see what may help you. If you can stop trying to ‘accept’, i don’t mean give in to the negative voices but just think I’m going to get on with things as best i can and not expect everything to clear right away – it’s the ‘faith’ hope that gets you there – you don’t have to feel it – just commit yourself to it. We all know how hard it is – you are not alone.

  185. Jo Says:

    Marcb, all I can say to you is that if your girlfriend loves you, she will want to stick by you and help you through this. It is not your fault you feel this way, it is not because of something you have done.
    In 2004 I suffered severe and serious (my doctors words)depression. I had the lot,multiple panic attacks, hallucinations, dp, you name it. It was a deep black hole I was in and I saw no escape. At times I actually believed I was dead, the dp was so bad. Yes I took anto depressants because my doctor said I wouldn’t get well without them and at that time I didn’t know any better. There was no Paul or his book to help. My husbad lived through the hell with me and supported me every step of the way. We lived in a darkeden room without tv or radio because everything was too loud and too bright. He hardly left my side 24/7. Luckily our son was a great help and took over shopping etc. I couldn’t even leave my ‘safe’ soffa for longer than a visit to the loo or another panic attack took hold. The point to all this is that I came through it and he still loves me, and he is supporting me again now I have the anxiety. He has read Paul’s book to be able to understand how more he can help. Our partners are not as fragile as you may think, and you will not be putting your girl friend through the crap. You will be going through it together. Take heart, if I can get through, then so can you. x

  186. Doreen Says:

    Hi folks – a couple of reflections after reading the most recent posts. I have had a number of episodes of anxiety over the years and have always been very reluctant to take medication. However, I did agree to try them this time when anxiety became overwhelming again last December. Life has been throwing stressful events at me and continues to do so and in fact I cope with those. But it is like they create a shock wave that carries on making itself felt long after the immediacy of the event. And that wave is what gives me many of the symptoms you all describe – dizziness, DP etc. But I have found that this time things have not reached the abyss they have in the last. It may be the drugs or it may not be. This is just a plea really not to judge those of us who have taken antidepressants too harshly. I am a VERY reluctant drug user and will be coming off these a.s.a.p but I think they have helped. The other thing I wanted to say was when doing something seems a huge task (like going shopping) I ask myself which is preferable? Going out and maybe feeling wobbly or staying in and watching myself all the time without achieving anything?

  187. Teresa Says:

    Doreen – i think that your story is a very positive one and that it is good to give a balanced point of view. They may well have helped – the good thing is that you are coping and were brave enough to give in and take them, that in itself is good if you add that to the blog and book i am sure it is having a good affect overall. I wish i was a less reluctant pill taker – i have put myself through hell taking the minimum painkillers for this back problem trying to prove to myself that I am getting better, that in itself is not a good thing. some times taking the pills is acceptance too. When you feel well enough you will drop them and will feel the right attitude from here.
    As for going out – if you can get out – GO. wobbly or not, go. It will help. I make myself go, where as since I’ve been ill i would rather curl up and wait for time to pass.
    You are handling iti all very well – take little steps to break through. You will, come through.

  188. Jo Says:

    I would like to say that I was not belittling anyone for taking anti depressants. They probably saved me at the worst time, although I have no way of knowing how I would have fared without them. I only know how drugs affect me now and I really don’t want to take them myself. I would nevr advise anyone to stop taking medication prescribed by a doctor.

  189. Jeff Says:

    Teresa, I agree that sometimes just allowing yourself some respite through meds is part of accepting. When I was having debilitating attacks I HAD to take a pill. I remember trying to suffer through it because I hated to need those pills, but ultimately I did need them for a time (I still don’t leave the house without one in my pocket). I know it’s been said here before, but one thing the pills helped me realize was that I was not going insane. I would feel completely lost, take a pill, and the feeling would subside. There is no pill that can do that for the truly insane. The biggest issue I have with it is that those “as needed” benzodiazepines are VERY habit forming, so I used them sparsely, and currently haven’t taken one for a month. It is, however, comforting to know there’s one in my pocket right now should the anxiety come on too strong. Hopefully I will one day drop them, as you say. I do think that, if you choose to take them, the meds should be just one part in a multi-faceted approach to the issue. This site, exercise, diet, social support, spirituality, therapy…whatever, you can’t have too many tools and supports when it comes to making yourself well.

  190. Diane Says:

    Hi all, great to read the posts, I have found thid sight so helpful and the book and site have been a big part of my recovery journey. I have been doing well, some days are still a bit up and down, but overall so much better. Today I went the hairdressers, I felt anxious and overly aware of my physical sensation sand the what if’s kicked in, I made my aologies said I felt un well and left. My question is does anyone have any suggestions how to deal with that in the moment? I am back at work nearly full time socialising is still a bit of a issue as I feel the anxiety but do try to go regardless, but I just feel it creeps in at different times and can feel a bit overwhelming that I sometimes flight instead of fight? any tips or suggestions much appreciated :)

  191. Teresa Says:

    That seems good advice Jeff and I think Paul would agree that ‘forced’ behaviour is not the way through anyway. it has to be balanced and I think the healthiest of attitude is to have an open mind and do what distresses you least while you are at your worst and then slowly move foward. Its all about attitude – and you seem to be doing the right thing for you.
    Jo – i’m sure no one thinks that you meant anything about the anti depressants, i know loads of people on here who do not feel they have been helpful, also loads who will not take them and others who have found them a support- i have had this conversation myself with the doc on loads of occasions and as yet have not taken them. However, i do think that if they are taken with an open mind and are found to be helpful thats great.

  192. Doreen Says:

    Hi Jo. My post above was not aimed at you. I see that some time back you did take anti depressants and found them helpful ( if it is the same Jo). I am on citalopram and actually forget to take them some days so they are one of my tools – not the only one. I am loathe to believe that a chemical inbalance is the cause – rather it is the result of prolonged and depression and maybe we need to help that balance restore itself in order to feel strong enough to do the other helpful things suggested by Paul and others on this website.

  193. Doreen Says:

    Sorry – missed out a word. Meant to say prolonged anxiety and depression.

  194. claire Says:

    Hi Doreen,Have you found any side effects with citalopram?
    I have been prescribed them also but have not taken any yet.
    I had fluoxetine first but not taking them anymore.

  195. Doreen Says:

    I felt ‘odd’ at first – took 10mg for 2 weeks then upped to 20mgs which I am still taking. The most obvious side effect was that my sleep was affected and that hadn’t been very good before!! However, I took a low dose of phenergan (10mgs) and that has helped me sleep better. Otherwise difficult to say as there are physical effects of anxiety (racing heart, dizziness etc) which are also possible side effects of the drug. Sorry not to be more helpful

  196. Jennifer Says:

    Hi Claire

    I have been taking Citalopram for the 2nd period in my life and it is very difficult to tell how much antidepressants make a difference, it can very often end up as just something else to panic and focus on, but I figure, that if you feel that bad, like I have, then I want to give myself some space to get to the next level up from bottom, which is how it helped last time and take them short term. If you had a hormone problem and it was affecting your mood, then you probably wouldn’t have a problem in taking them then, its just the stigma of antidepressants really.

    I mean yes, no one wants to be on them, but I care about my life and want to feel better, so if my serotonin has got lower due to bad anxiety, then I need a little help. Everyone is different though and if you are managing without them, then that’s great, but you have not lost the battle if you need and accept some help in the form of meds.

    I have found side affects to be a LOT of yawning at first,then this fades and constant tiredness, but some people have no side affects. A lot of what you think will be side effects will actually be anxiety which is frustrating. But if you start taking them, don’t keep watching yourself, just get on with your life, look after yourself and check in with your GP and talk to them about your symptoms. Although many of them haven’t got a clue, I know. Mine thought my trigger of anxiety was possibly because I was pregnant….great! I am pleased to say it wasn’t.


  197. Jennifer Says:

    Does anyone feel like life is just a game and what are we doing here? and things like, am I real? and feel like they stick out like a sore thumb?
    I am doing better recently, as I have said, but I am questioning my reality and just feel like I will never fit it or be comfortable with life……D.P??

  198. claire Says:

    Thanks for both your comments I may wait a while i don’t know,
    at least i have them if i need them.
    Jennifer, dp’s one of my worst symptoms i have been so out of it i was convinced i was dreaming while walking down the street because all of a sudden i couldn’t remember leaving my house or how i got there.
    Sometimes things seem so vague and people seem false and i cant connect with them and other times everything is so vivid like the contrast on life has been turned all the way up which i find the scariest.
    Paul’s site and everyone’s comments are a real help! x

  199. Matt Says:

    Jennifer…I can totally relate with your posts. For me, right now, everything feels strange and unreal, which is what DP is at it’s core I guess. I don’t get the thoughts anymore, just things feel different and dreamy at times. My memory is also messed up at the moment, I always test it, and I know I don’t need to but it’s hard when a habit has been formed. For the most part, I’ve been doing better but most of the time I have no motivation to do anything. Like the energy has been sucked out of me and I have to constantly force myself to do things that I would normally do. I know I will be out of this hell one day, but now it’s frustrating that I’ve practiced all of paul’s techniques for months and still feel like this. The things that make me feel normal is getting out of the house, going to school, hanging with friends, etc. But when I come back home the unreality sets in again. It’s annoying, but I know it will pass. Anyways, hope everyone is doing well.

  200. Matt Says:

    I also started taking anti-depressants just recently and hope that they give me the space to work with myself at least. I don’t see anything wrong with them, as long as they aren’t a crutch rather then learning to move on with things.

  201. Monica Says:

    Jo, your post about your partner and you was really inspiring. I’m sorry you were at such a bad point, but it truly is important to have someone stick by you and see you through your worst!

  202. Jo Says:

    Monica, thanks for that. I wish I was feeling as good today as I was when I wrote that! don’t know what happened last night but i had a really bad time. Shaking, sickness and fear from just after midnight, and I haven’t really settled yet. I thought I was just starting to get over that too.
    Jennifer and Claire, I know just how you feel, dp is the scariest feeling, mine’s not as bad as it was in 2004 but it is still taking a lot of dealing with. But, it got better before so I know it is just a matter ot time till it does again. hang in there.x

  203. Maria Says:


    No one replied to my message :) but it relates to alot of you guys.

    Would appreciate a reply.

    Mari X

  204. Jo Says:

    Hi Maria, sorry you got missed, that happened to me at first.It’s not intentional, there are so many posts. I think your thoughts on the reality of life and what is the point are probably anxiety induced. I have had these thoughts so many times myself. I think most people ask themselves these questions at some point in thier lives anyway, anxiety or not. I have some very weird thoughts sometimes and they scare me! But they are just thoughts after all. I do recognise that thoughts are frightening and so very difficult to ignore though. perhaps like me your mind has nothing else to ruminate on. I do not work and have no fulfilling vocation or anything to keep me occupied. maybe that is what we all need, something to fulfill our lives. Take care .x

  205. Jo Says:

    Just another thought. I am using one of those SAD lights, and I think it is having some effect. Although again I don’t know how I would be feeling if I hadn’t been using it.

  206. Maria Says:


    yes being bored makes a hell of a difference and it can also be mislead to depression. I have to admit, I was not doing much the past 2 months, just working, and watching movies at night and that is it.
    Now I am doing many more things like doing yoga, studying a new course and I also found a new job that will hopefully help me in a big way as I am going to be doing what I have always dreamt of and studied for.
    I know, it is normal to question life but my thoughts seem to be constnat sometimes you know and scary cause of my anxiety. I just have to let go and stop worrying about my symptoms. I am strong enough and can get through this and do not let anxiety take over my life.

  207. Jo Says:

    Maria you sound as though you are handling it all very well, and good for you getting the job you have studied for.

    I would like to ask if anyone has the problem of being afraid to go to sleep. It is not the actual sleep really, more the waking up and feeling worse. If I have had a bad night and get really tired the next day i find that if I let myself sleep whilst feeling edgy I wake up with extreme feelings of DP – very frightening. This of course leads to more anxiety about going to sleep, and I try to stay awake as long as possible until I feel more relaxed. Would appreciate some feedback on this. Thanks x

  208. Helen Says:

    Hi all,
    Life without anxiety is simple whatever is thrown at you. All you have is today and that is what you get on with. Today, you may feel a bit ill or you have a lot to do, maybe something you don’t really relish the thought of doing, maybe something is making you sad, whatever it is, without anxiety you just get on with it because that is ALL you can do in life. You go through happy times and sad times and tomorrow, who knows what that will bring. You have to go through the same things in life if you have anxiety or if you don’t. The difference is that anxiety will make you catastrophize situations, give you the worst case scenario and ultimately pump you with enough fear so that you try and avoid situations or try and fix things that you falsely think will make everything better if only you could put it right.

    Marcb, go to Ireland. Go and deal with however you may feel on any particluar day. You do not, in any way at all, know how you are going to feel and what honestly is the worst that will happen. You may have massive anxiety all day? So what, do not give up on living life and the minute anyone avoids anything because of anxiety that is exactly what they are doing. I know because I did this for a very, very long time and I recovered by simply saying enough is enough, I have to at least try and do the things I would like to do.

    Anxiety is a jail but the person suffering from it is the key, you just have to start turning that key, however slowly until you break out of it.

    Just carry on, do the things that you have planned even if you are dreading it, do things that you need to every day. Wash the pots, take the kids to school, go to work, watch a film, read a book – whatever but do not let anxiety stop you. You have to carry on living to get rid of anxiety, it is the only way.

    All the best

  209. marcb Says:

    Thank you Helen.

  210. Teresa Says:

    Helen – I think that will be a very helpful post for lots of us. Great to hear from you.

  211. Monica Says:

    Jo – I know what you mean that you fear you’ll wake up feeling worse. But honestly, you’ll feel worse if you stay up later and try to relax, especially if you try to stay up late relaxing but cannot! Now you are going to bed not only late, but nervous. Sleep for me is great, because you get 7 – 10 hours of complete break from anxiety and all those thoughts…we at least for me :\ I know the later I stay awake, the worse I feel.

  212. Matt Says:

    Maria…Yes DP can definitely feel like a dream, and I too suffer from memory issues, but they have gotten a lot better then what they were before. the main DP symptoms are fading, but I still have this feeling of strangeness that’s hard to shake. It’s like I feel strange, my family feels strange, almost everything. Do other’s have these same symptoms as well?

  213. DCYL Says:


    Wow, you really summarized it well. Thank you. I remember asking about routines and habits a while ago. I believe Matt or someone else said that habits help us improve. But in a way, habits over time also stop us from improving more and growing. Instead of living life as it comes, we keep to a routine but don’t change / adjust much.

    I am slowly realizing that full recovery just requires us to get out there and just DO STUFF. Planning is nice if needed but otherwise, just go with the flow.

    Thanks for a great post Helen.

  214. Jo Says:

    Thanks Monica, I find that if I let myself drift off around 8 -9 pm whilst watching tv and more relaxed I seem to have a better night than trying to stay awake till later. The trouble with that is I am awake around 4am! so I have been trying to get back to a more normal sleep pattern, but perhaps I should just go with it for now.

    Matt, yes I have that strange feeling all the time. It’s like my home doesn’t feel ‘right’. Also although I know who my husband and son are it’s like I am not really connected to them. It is hard to explain but it is a scary feelling.When I am out I feel like I am dreaming, or in some kind of unreality.

    Also I have this weird feeling that I have lost part of myself somewhere, and have no idea where to start looking to get myself back togther. Does that sound crazy?

  215. Rebecca Says:

    Hey guys, havn’t been on here for a while.
    I have had a really difficult time with my anxiety recently, i kind of measure it on a anxiety scale 100% worst ever 0% nothing at all. Well recently i was sitting at about 90% anxiety for a few days, i felt awful. To top it off i ended up going off sick with a virus so was at home alone. I live with 4 other girls but noone was around so i ended up driving up to the midlands where my parents live. When i was there my anxiety reduced significantly to 5%. My Gp recommended that i move back to where my parents live but i love living down south and have lots of friends here and an amazing new job and my parents can’t always be there. I just hope my anxiety starts to settle down, i have had 4 big panic attacks over the last 4mnts which were so frightening, i wish i could explain it to some of my friends but i just don’t think they would understand :( when i have panic attacks i feel like i need to be rushed to the hospital, as though i am going to pass out but i generally just lie there, put some quite music on and they subside. I can’t even explain how frightening it is. I also have episodes where i think ‘am i going mad’ ‘would it be better if i stopped working and give up’ There is a part of me that knows it’s irrational thinking, just difficult at the time. I know that it is going to take alot of time to fully recover and i do realise i have to be brave and continue to live my life as i am, it just gets so tiring at times. I am starting a new job on Monday in oncology and i don’t have to work nights anymore or any weekends so i am sure my life will start to feel better, i can visit my parents alot more often. The summer is coming aswell so that should help :) Does anyone else just get so fed up and tired with their anxiety?
    Thanks becca

  216. Jo Says:

    Hi Rebecca. Sorry you have been having a hard time, but don’t give up. Sometimes it seems such a difficult thing to overcome but I had panic attacks 24/7 in 2004 with severe depression, and although it did take a long, long time to get past them I did eventually. Back then i was like you and wanted to go to hospital because I was sure I was dying, in fact I did have an ambulance on more than one occasion. There were times when I felt I just couldn’t go on any longer but somehow I got through with my husband and son’s help. It is so much better if you have someone to help you along, and though i understand you not wanting to move, is there not at least one friend you could confide in? Print out some info if you can and give it to your friend to read if you feel you couldn’t explain yourself.
    I am suffering anxiety at the present and although it is no where near as bad as before I still find it hard to cope with. Everyone on here knows how you feel and can identify with the difficulties you are going through. if I am having a particularly bad time I try to re read Pauls book or come on here and read the posts.
    You are a fighter, you’ve got yourself a new job so that says a lot about your character.You will get there in the end. x

  217. Evelyn Says:


    As always! Very soothing advice!

  218. Matt Says:

    Jo…No, what you are experiencing isn’t crazy at all. The disconnection and unreality of everything is pretty scary, but just knowing what it stems from and that you can recover still gives me hope. It wasn’t as bad as last year, but it still lingers. I just keep taking paul’s advice and know I will make a full recovery someday. It’s just that some days I get so fed up with it all, and that’s ok too. I just can’t dwell in it and know that there will be good and bad days with it. We’ll make it out of this, I know we will. Hope everyone is doing well!

  219. Jo Says:

    Matt, I know we can come through this, after all i got through it in 2004 and that was much, much worse than this time. At the time you think you will never be ‘normal’ again, but it does happen. It is a bit disappointing this hitting me again when I thought I had cracked it but i am coping better because I have understanding now, which I didn’t have then. To be honest i think if I woke up tomorrow feeling no’rmal’ with all symptoms gone I would find that weird too.I believe that recovery has to be a gradual process. x

  220. Monica Says:

    Matt, dp is the most interesting byproduct of anxiety isn’t it? It’s always the last one to go for some reason as well. I suffered from it a few years back when my anxiety was bad…then it left..and when my anxiety came back, voila, it returned. Like you said, just knowing that it’s the anxiety that causes it and there is nothing else wrong with you is enough to help get you through and to not let you get caught up in analyzing it and questioning why it is there.

  221. Michelle m Says:

    My boyfriend is going in for an operation over night next week which means i will have to face my biggest fear and spend the night alone with my children. now before anxiety struck i wouldn’t have thought anything of it but now i am so scared that i will lose control and harm them. do i face my fears or do i take the easy option and go to my mum for the night. i know that 100% i will never harm them but its that ridiculous “what if” . What do you suggest?

  222. Jo Says:

    I’m sorry Michelle, I don’t feel qualified to answer this one, but just wanted you to kow someone is listening. Maybe Paul or someone in a stronger frame of mind than me can help x

  223. Jo Says:

    Morning all, I am a bit uneasy this morning. Had a fairly good day yesterday but it is surprising how quickly that feeling goes when the anxiety sets in again. Now I’m going round in my head with the wrong thoughts again! Never mind, it will get better. x

  224. Michelle m Says:

    Thanks Jo. i think i know what i have to do. face the fear and the anxiety i feel otherwise i don’t think Im ever going to get over my irrational fears. why would i all of a sudden lose my mind on Thursday? Silly really. I know i will be absolutely fine. Jo i think you know what you have to do too. go with how you feel today and don’t worry about it. You’ve got through this before and you can do it again. have a good day. Michelle x

  225. Jo Says:

    Thanks Michelle. I know you are right about facing things, but isn’t it difficult to achieve? Yesterday I was close to understanding acceptance and now it has all gone again.
    And no there is absolutely no reason that you would lose your mind on Thursday, or any other day, and it isn’t silly, it’s just the way anxiety takes you. Talking with people who understand is a big help. x

  226. Debbie Says:

    Hi all, just been reading some of the posts it’s funny cos we r so wrapped up in our own struggles then u read the posts and u realise so many other people have issues to cope with too. I’m still struggling had my anti depressants changed so had to start on a lower dose so two weeks in feeling terrible so need them upped, I know they aren’t the answer but I just need a bit of relief to be able to sort my head out, not that I feel any better. I feel worse at the moment as my family have just left to watch my daughter run for sports relief and I couldn’t go, I couldn’t leave the loo, and couldn’t face sitting in a packed car so now feel guilty. My head feels like its in a clamp I feel sick got blurred vision and my innards feel like I have my finger stuck in a plug socket and I feel a failure!
    It’s so hard to get through every day, I do the washing, cleaning walk the dog All the usual things but i just want this awful anxiety to go away, I often think I can’t carry on anymore, I read Pauls book over and over I just don’t know how he recovered its so frustrating, I go to write on here and think oh god I’m still saying the same things everyone must think why doesn’t she listen to the advice! I honestly do but I still feel so bad I just don’t know what to do with myself! My husband stays positive and would suggest something that would help but there doesn’t seem to be anything left to suggest anymore. I wish I had someone that’s recovered to sit here with me and say u will get through this I will help u, but there’s no-one, I’m under the mental health team but the change your tablets then r gone. PAul was so lucky to find the right person to help him to have someone who actually want to help, all I’ve had is someone who doesn’t look at u cos they r busy writing everything down or on the computer, I sit there crying and telling them how bad everything is and I don’t want to be here anymore and they say so Debbie on a scale 0 to10 how do u feel? I just look at them and think u stupid person what is the point?
    Sorry to go on I just feel so lost x

  227. Jo Says:

    Oh Debbie I do know where you are coming from. Acceptance is so, so hard to get to and I am still trying. If you read my other post you will know I understand just how bad you feel. I spent six weeks suffering before I could even go to the doctor(in 2004) and then I had to take a bowl with me in case I was sick in the waiting room.The journey to the surgery was a nightmare but doctors just would not visit at home. I wouldn’t leave the safety of the one room I lived in for weeks, not even to go to bed. I missed a lot of things because I daren’t leave my room let alone the house, so you are doing well to get out with your dog.I missed things my son was doing but he has never held it against me,and neither will your daughter. Please don’t feel a failure, as I said in an earlier post It is NOT YOUR FAULT you feel this way. Recovery is not going to happen overnight so please give yourself time. Anti depressants can take up to six weeks to start working so try to be patient, and let them do their job. It took me about a year to start to feel normal again, but since then I have had a job as a taxi driver, and done work for a charity and all the normal things people do. So you see even after the darkest times you can come through.
    I think this latest episode is down to the recent death of my mother and I am struggling a bit. Sometimes I just want to cry because I don’t want to go through it all again, but I know it will get better.
    Don’t beat yourself up about how you feel. I bet everyone on here understands.

  228. Jo Says:

    Can I just ask if anyone else has trouble with appetite. I just can’t eat till tea time. thanks. x

  229. Debbie Says:

    Hi Jo thanku for your reply I had a good cry then went to Morrisons to get the weeks shopping, feel a bit better now. It’s very frustrating cos after I did the above post I read a bit of Paul’s book again and he says exactly what I’m doing which I know I am but I can’t seem to change it, like trying to get rid of the anxiety and feeding it by thinking about it, staying at home cos it feels safer being passed around by the medical profession and getting know where, crying, it’s all there in the book but I just can’t seem to get off that hamster wheel which frustrates me even more.
    I can never eat till tea time either I often wondered if other people had that too, I also feel less anxious in the evening I always thought it was cos I didn’t have to face the day cos it was almost over, trouble is I scoff in the evenings which doesn’t help when going to bed hence the weight gain! X

  230. mm16 Says:

    hi jo , my appetite is terrible and of course this worries me which makes it worse , never hungry till night time , i feel a lot of anxiety in my stomach , try eat little and often and try to not add worry to it jo xx

  231. B Says:

    hi all
    I have been reading this website for a while now. I went through a really rough bout of anxiety and depression and have been recovering for a while now. I think Paul’s post about quieting the mind is right on. Meditation, walks, exercise, yoga and watching my breathing have helped me slow down my thoughts and gain a better perspective i.e. not feel like the world is ending with every bump in the road.
    I have been doing much better over the past several months after going through many, many months of intense anxiety/depression. I am in a bit of a set back right now because of work-related stress and my husband traveling for work often. But the positive side of having come so far is that I don’t feel as bad as I would have in the past. I know that this will pass and I know what is causing the feelings to arise. I am hoping to get back to a point where I have more resilence and can handle more of what life throws at me.

  232. Jo Says:

    Debbie, when I had the depression I got a very good doctor and he told me that you feels worse in the morning and better later because of serotonin which is at its lowest in the morning and rises through the day. Lack of serotonin means your brain cells are not ‘talking’ to each other properly and when you look at it like that it makes sense. Also then I stopped eating altogether for two weeks, which my doctor assured me would get better after the anti depressants kicked in – and it did.Once the chemical imbalance is restored you will be in a better position to follow Pauls advice, so don’t worry. x
    mm16, thanks for your reply. I just wondered if anxiety alters your appetite as well as depression, because I really don’t want this to be depression again. Does that makes sense? Anyway now I know anxiety sufferes lose appetite too I won’t worry about it so much. x

  233. Evelyn Says:

    Hi Michelle

    Perhaps im a bit late to give u advice, as I don’t come here as often! I had the same thoughts before as every blue mood they still pop up and I shine them away .. look just by the thought scaring and terrifying u that shows u will not do it.. look at ur beautiful children. As awful as the thoughts scare u I know u wont harm them..I promise u wont… this us just another symptom of anxiety .. if I we’re u I would appreciate this time alone to face ur fears… so u can fave it once and for all.. play with the kids, bake with them, read them books enjoy the quality time:) don’t u think its enough energy and time u haveamxi given

  234. Evelyn Says:

    Sorry it cut off.. lol. Don’t feed into it.. u will be fine Mitchelle :)I hope thiis helps

  235. Sophia Says:

    Hi all

    my feelings and emotions are at the forefront…i cannot change my thinking or come out of the thought loop…it makes me so suffocated to contain everything so i end up blurting out often resulting in arguments and fault finding..these are random negative thoughts…which pop up in my mind constantly and create a continuous story …they are not anxious thoughts but obssessive in i have other issues like OCT?

    for others it may never look like its anxiety..for them i am a hot temperd person who gets annoyed at every minute…neither do i feel they are anxious thoughts. but they are not the things i would otherwise say…it makes me say the wrong things… hence i always watch my has come to a point where i have literally no varied emotions..simply bored of life who have lost all enthusiasm..i could hardly ”feel” happiness or sadness…bcos there is an abundant flow of thoughts which is so wired into my brain…instead of geting carried away and create relationship problems i often doesnt react to anything and i carry on but there is some pain deep inside that i am not confronting…

    pls help me get out of this rumination…

  236. elaine Says:





  237. elaine Says:

    MATT .



  238. Michelle m Says:

    Hi evelyn thanks for your reply. i do know that i have to be alone to help with my recovery. hopefully i will wake up Friday morning with one less worry. Are you recovered from your thoughts now? If so how long did it take? All the best x

  239. Michelle m Says:

    Elaine its great to hear you are doing so well and that you have a supportive husband. gives me so much hope. i remember some of your previous posts. well done. Michelle x

  240. Matt Says:

    hey elaine, thanks for the support. I have been doing much better, just the strangeness lingers around and I’m trying to stop paying attention to it. There were times since I developed this that I was completely back to normal, so I know it will happen. Your inspiring words coming from someone that has recovered.

  241. Monica Says:

    Elaine – It is amazing you a doing better, and I hope your recovery continues to get better!

  242. Doreen Says:

    Hello all. Still staying with the plan of doing whatever I should do/want to do despite the anxiety. Agree totally with Helen’s post on this. So at the end of the day I can look back at what I have managed to do despite feeling pretty grim some of the time. Not helped by the fact that I have post viral fatigue so my energy levels are lower than I would wish. But took part in a great ‘flash mob’ today with Rock Choir. My family were there to watch and I felt like ‘me’. It was lovely. Really do try to take each day as it comes Debbie and Jo, hard as it is, especially when you have had a good day and the next one feels like crap. I thought to myself the other day that when I am well I don’t continually compare one day with another and there are probably good ones and not so good ones, so I am trying not to do it now. I envy whoever it was that said they sleep 7-10 hours a night. I am lucky if I get 6 and always wake up with anxiety flooding my body. However, once I have had a shower I do feel stronger.

  243. Rebecca Says:


  244. Rebecca Says:

    Hey Jo, thankyou so much for your post, ur comments were very sweet. That sounds really frightening that you experienced them all the time, i have had about 6 in the past 2months, scared me so much. I think the problem with me is that i care too much about what people think and because my current housemates are younger than me I don’t think they will understand. My mum is a massive help and i am going to spend alot more time with her now i don’t need to work weekends but you are right it would be good to talk to someone else, just not sure who yet. I do attend councelling which is also helpful but it not like having a big hug from my mum or close friend. I am really trying to be strong but it does get tiring. I do still go out with friends and work full time but i know my anxiety has got bad because i now sometimes question whether i should be working, maybe a holiday on an exotic island somewhere would help :)
    I can see that people have talked abit about appetite and anxiety, there is alot of people from my experience that have a lack in appetite when they are anxious because anxiety not only effects you psychologically but physically too. I find that when i am really stressed from my anxiety i don’t wan’t to eat at all. I was feeling stressed with my shaky hands and legs earlier, a friend cooked me a meal and i didn’t have any appetite, it was spag bowl and it is not like me not to want to eat that. I tend to drink lots of water now which seems to help me with my energy levels. I think it is so important to try and eat your three healthy meals aday to keep your body well fueled even if you really don’t feel like eating.

  245. DCYL Says:

    Hey All,

    Hope everyone is well. Therapy has been a topic discussed off and on here. I even threw in some thoughts last year. However, as time has progressed, my feelings have changed and I thought I would share a bit and start a discussion.

    When my situation first occurred almost a year ago, I was thrown off quite a bit. I thought I would get past it quickly and life would just go on. I was (as I am sure most people here) surprised that I was feeling strange, lots of thoughts and other symptoms we are all familiar with.

    After struggling for a few days or so, I decided to see someone. Seeing someone is not an easy choice but it sometimes is better to seek help and realize you don’t need it than the other way around.

    I saw this person weekly early on and then off and on for a while. All total, this lasted about three months. I stopped seeing them as I thought I had gotten to a point where I was fine without them.

    Early on, I thought seeing this person helped. I felt good to get my exaggerated worries off my shoulders. Afterward, I felt great though eventually the weird feelings and other symptoms all returned. Toward the middle / end of the time I was seeing the person, I think the benefits tapered off.

    The reason was that we had gotten into analyzing all sorts of other issues that I had been “worried about”. Rather than just talk, we were discussing a lot of things so “self improve” myself.

    In looking back, seeing this person was useful initially and there was some good things to come out. I learned to appreciate things in life more and develop more self confidence. The flip side is that with anxiety, I have learned that analyzing the various thoughts / feelings doesn’t do us good.

    In short, therapy is a good avenue to get things off your shoulders if you need someone to talk to and friend’s aren’t there. But you have to feel comfortable and see if it’s useful for you. But there will be folks who may not share the same theories as Paul and that could be problematic.

  246. Jo Says:

    Hi Rececca, glad I was a bit of comfort for you. Yes my episodes were really terrifying but here I am, proof that you can get past all that. I think knowing that is helping this time too. Thankfully the actuall panic attacks seem to have subsided, and it is just the constant anxiety that is the main problem now. I try not to worry too much about not eating, and just have little and often, even if it is only a biscuit with a cup of tea during the day. x
    Hi Doreen, thank you for the advice, I do try to take each day as it comes but it isn’t easy is it, to let go of our fears. I am now trying to vary what I do each day instead of sticking to my ‘safe’ routine, just small things like staying in bed a bit longer instead of getting up as soon as I feel anxious.Or showering before I come on here, instead of the other way round. x

  247. Monica Says:

    Jo, lack of appetite is very common. When my anxiety was at it’s worse, and I mean crippling to the point where I was considering checking myself into a hospital and was pretty much non-responsive, I didn’t have an appetite for two weeks. I was forcing myself to eat and even when the anxiety subsided it did take days before my appetite started to return. However, people did tell me how great I looked after and I just smiled and thought, “If you only knew…” Like you said, don’t worry about it too much (:

  248. Jo Says:

    Hi Monica, it sounds as though you were in a similar state to me! I lost two stone in two weeks because I stopped eating all together. Luckily my doctor was very reasurring and told me I would be fine, which I was. I am fairly certain that this is anxiety rather then depression, because I am no where near as bad as that time, although this is bad enough! Take care all. x

  249. Doreen Says:

    Hi Jo – I know it is really easier said than done to take each day as it comes. Not doing so well on that plan today, possibly because I had a great day yesterday and want this to be the same whereas in reality it is being a bit of a struggle. Interesting that there might be a biological explanation about why the mornings are more difficult. Anxiety definitely dampens my appetite and I have lost quite a lot of weight recently. However, I have also been ill so that might account for the weight loss too. The weather is a bonus at the moment, although I can remember when I felt even worse in good weather as it didn’t lift my spirits. So something has moved on thank goodness

  250. Jo Says:

    Hi doreen, well at least all this has an up side for me…I needed to lose weight LOL.
    It’s funny how we seem to get a bad day after a good day isn’t it, but at least there ARE good days. The main hurdle for me now is the trip to London in April, it is only for two nights and I’m sure I will be ok but the demons are lurking int he back of my mind…what if I have a panic attack etc.
    I would think that your illness is contributing to the weight loss too. I think we all need to give ourselves time to recover and not rush things. perhaps it’s like dieting. if you do it slowly the weights stays off longer! x

  251. marcb Says:

    Hi all, decided to go for a walk today over my local forest, forest great, weather great but not exactly enjoying It!….. Probably because I’m stewing over a trip to Dublin I am going on on Saturday. I’m still struggling with letting go of the ” physical imperfection” thoughts which isnt helping at all. A massive part of me doesn’t want to.go on saturday, but i simply can’t let my girlfriend down. If the truth be known I’m dreading it, will probably get drunk at airport first….. Marcb

  252. Joshua Says:

    Hi marcb
    I have a trip to California in less than a week and coming from north carolina it is going to be a 3 or 4 day drive and do a ruminate on it? Yes,but am I going to adjust my lifestyle according to my fears? Absolutely not! This is going to be a big trip for me as well and no matter how I feel I am going to go through with it. It might be tough at times, who knows maybe the whole trip might be but that doesn’t matter. We have to make the necessary steps to get where we want to be and it may take time and some uncomfortable steps will be needed to be made (like a long trip for example). The key to all of it in my opinion, is not to be afraid of the symptoms, the thoughts, DP,
    dizzyness orwhatever they may be. Will my symptoms be there on my trip?
    Maybe, in fact I will go as far to say they will be but you know what? So what! I don’t know about you but I’m tired of living in fear of fear and being uncomfortable, of fainting or scary thoughts. Think of this marcb, if you think you are going to have anxiety and that’s what is keeping you from going, well arent you going to have anxiety anyway? Might as well do it in a beautiful place. Who knows, maybe you won’t have any and have a great time! I know I am going to try to even if I do feel awful.

    Also, yes your thoughts on “imperfections” are just anxiety attaching thoughts to something that bothers you. “imperfections” are all shapes and sizes and none of them are imperfect. Nothing to ruminate on at all my friend. I hope you trip goes well and if you do feel bad on your trip, no big deal, just think to yourself “so what? I’ve got a life to live! :) )

  253. marcb Says:

    Hey thanks Joshua, I went to.see my sister in Germany (im in london) in august, it was a breeze, but i was feeling pretty good then accepting all the negative thoughts along the way, this time around the thoughts seem to be sticking, I then don’t feel as good, and then trips away seem pretty scary. My g/f knows all about my anxiety and is superb about it all, I will be going, no matter what.

  254. Bill Says:

    Love your attitude Josh,i keep reading what you posted for me and find it very helpful.I am slowly doing what you say and improving my attitude to it all.Hope you have a really good trip to California and you Marcb to Dublin.Let us all know how you get on,Bill.

  255. marcb Says:

    Thanks Bill

  256. Joshua Says:

    Thanks Bill, I will keep you posted and let you know how it goes! Just like marcb I leave saturday, I’m looking forward to a vacation, it’s been a long year! Lol

  257. Doreen Says:

    Hey march – Guess what. I too am going to be in Ireland at the end of the week. Flying into Dublin, driving to Gallway and then onto Dingle. Not me driving by the way. My husband has business in Trilee so I am going with him. The choice became – stay here on my own ruminating about my various anxiety symptoms or go to Ireland and see some beautiful countryside and coast Even if I don’ experience it all as fully as I might want to at least I have made it possible that something good might happen. I really hope you have as good a time as you are able. The forecast is good too

  258. marcb Says:

    Hey great stuff Doreen! And you’re right, im gonna get nothing from staying at home, in fact I kinda see this as the “true” start of my recovery. Have a great time! …..and u too Joshua ……Marcb

  259. Jo Says:

    Great to hear everyone being so positive, hope you all have a good time on your trips.
    I had a fairly good day yesterday, managed to get out a few times and felt almost normal.
    Not faring so well this morning though, was awake again at 4 and now feeling sick and trembly again.

  260. ginger797 Says:

    HELEN….i was just wondering what you have done to ease your anxiety,you seem so positive id love to hear your story as i dont get on here often….also i just wanted to ask how do you know if you have a chemical inbalance???i was just reading another post and thorght the “what if’s” again as im just trying to accept and thorght what if im doing all this accepting and i have a chemical imbalance so its not going to help me accepting at all….ive been reading claire weekes book and trying to practice facing accepting and floating, i was wondering if there is anyone on here that has been successful in limiting there anxiety???

  261. Evelyn Says:

    Hey Michelle :)

    The thoughts are not completely gone! They still pop up once in a blue moon.. but its ok. when they do I just ignore them and keep doing what im doing.. they were really bad at one point, I really thought I was crazy.. but as time past. They did also. It took me about a year to finally accept my thoughts! But everyone is different! One thing I can assure you that its just ANXIETY! nothing more nothing less:) you are creating them, we have control of everything …

  262. Evelyn Says:

    Hey Michelle :)

    The thoughts are not completely gone! They still pop up once in a blue moon.. but its ok. when they do I just ignore them and keep doing what im doing.. they were really bad at one point, I really thought I was crazy.. but as time past. They did also. It took me about a year to finally accept my thoughts! But everyone is different! One thing I can assure you that its just ANXIETY! nothing more nothing less:) you are creating them, we have control of everything … evelyn:)

  263. Jo Says:

    ginger797, please don’t stress over chemical imbalance, That was something my doctor explained to me when I was suffering SEVERE DEPRESSION. There are various debates on that, some believe an imbalance causes depression and others that depression causes the imbalance, so it’s difficult to know what to believe. The important thing is to do what feels right for you. I think anxiety is a different thing to depression and as Paul says it is a matter of positive thinking. Reaching acceptance is not easy and takes time, yesterday I had a good day…today has started badly but that is how it goes.
    My anxiety is limited but not gone, on a bad day I wake early and spend an hour or more shaking and vomitting (anyone else suffer that?) but on a good one like yesterday I was out and about nearly all day, and felt almost normal. x

  264. Jo Says:

    Hi everyone,further to my last post could I please ask if anyone suffers the vomitting that can go on for hours, usually in the night or early hours, because I’m not sure if this is part of anxiety or something else that I need to get sorted.It doesn’t happen every day, just now and again. I know I should probably go to the doctors but if I know others are or are not suffering the same, at least I will have something to go on. Thanks. x

  265. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Bill it really is all about attitude

    My attitude changed from self pity and slumped shoulders with so much inner negative talk and avoidance and coping mechanisms, to my head up, a positive outlook and a new freedom to do anything and take my anxiety with me and all that came from a greater understanding. The more you do the more you realise you can do and the greater your confidence.

  266. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Matt Says:

    March 25th, 2012 at 7:23 pm e

    hey elaine, thanks for the support. I have been doing much better, just the strangeness lingers around and I’m trying to stop paying attention to it.

    Concerning your DP Matt, don’t try to stop paying attention to it as that may come out of habit, just allow it to be there without question. You don’t have to like it either, just let it be as strong and as annoying as it wishes, it is the resistence to it that causes it to feel at the forefront of your day and keep you in the cycle. If you allow it to be there, then you are not going to keep going over it and question it, if you allow it to be as annoying and as strong as it wishes, you are not going to resist it.

    I had DP at it’s highest level and it hung around for a while, it is not an overnight thing and it only began to decrese when I let it be and finally gave in trying to control it. Again DP is a safety switch to protect you from stress and deep thinking, it cuts off feelings and emotions for your own good. The trouble is we begin to stress and look deeply into this new symptom, which keeps us in the cycle and it hangs around. We need to do the opposite and when your mind realises you no longer need protection, as you are no longer adding worry and deep thinking to the mix, it will leave you layer by layer.

  267. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    By the way the blog is very positive and supportive at the moment, I really do enjoy seeing it when it is like this and the help and support shines through :-)

  268. Bill Says:

    Thanks Paul,i am moving forwards and i now understand what i need to do,sometimes the mind seems to set me back a while but hey,so what,i am going out for longer periods,driving with less fear and enjoying walks and exercise.Thank you and everyone else for their comments,they are a great help.Question,i am nearly 57,is their any others out there of this age or older with anxiety?

  269. Jo Says:

    Hi Bill, yes I am 59, so beat you by 2 years.

  270. Debbie Says:

    Hi Bill I’m 50 and suffer with anxiety, I have on and off for 30 years, 4 years was the worst then had 3 good years now since last aug been struggling again, I’ve been told its generalised anxiety. I used to get panic attacks years ago but they stopped, I had a few traumas last year that set it off and seems to be hanging on I can’t seem to get off the hamster wheel, very frustrating.
    I find Paul’s book and reading the posts on here helpful!

  271. Debbie Says:

    Well I’ve taken a big step forward I’ve booked for a short break in July, in the Wye Valley, I haven’t felt able to go anywhere for 4 years I thought if I’m going to feel rubbish here I might as well feel rubbish there, it’s a cottage with lovely walks, so it’s just me my hubby and our dog! I actually feel excited too which is good as I haven’t had any feelings over anything for ages, something to look forward to!

  272. Jo Says:

    Oh well done Debbie, I’m sure you will have a wonderful time. We usually go on walking holidays with our dog, though I have to say I haven’t been able to get excited about anything for quite some time. x

  273. Joshua Says:

    Hey Bill, when I was working a night shift at a supermarket some years ago the store manager who I was working for was in his late 60s. He was a very nice man but very reserved and quiet. He often stayed inside his office and when he did come out he would lean on the doorway and just watch everyone. Well around this time I started to have really bad anxiety and I thought I needed to take a leave of absence. He caught wind of my problems and sent his wife to my house and we sat and talked for hours about it. Turns out he had anxiety since his thirties and had all kinds of symptoms. The reason he would lean on the doorway or on stands was because he was so dizzy all the time. I worked for him for 5 years and never knew this. He actually told me it was a bad idea to take a leave of absence ( he was right) but he would grant me one anyway if I wanted it. I always appreciated that and it was that talk that help me get through it all during that anxious period of my life. this was before the Internet so I didn’t know that there were others out there like me so it was so great to actually sit down and discuss with someone who understood. Like I said he was in his late sixties and retired at 70 and as far as I know still enjoying his retirement. I hope he finds this site or somehing similar so he would realize he needn’t b afraid or struggle so long. He did tell me something I thought was great though, I don’t remember exactly what my question was ( I was very anxious) but I remember his response was something like ” I would do it all again with or without anxiety”. Wow! What a great inspiration that was for me at such a young age.

  274. Joshua Says:

    That’s great Debbie! It seems like everyone is taking a vacation!

  275. dave Says:

    Great Comments from everyone very positive which is awesome. I thought I just provided an update on how things are going. DP is 85 to 95% gone, Stomach churning is gone, burping is gone, I feel “normal” most of the day now, the mornings and evenings after work are still a challenge at times. Over the past 2 months the biggest challenge has been the tight band and headaches, some days are better than others.

    I guess my question is for those have experienced these symptoms do they go away gradually or do they just disappear? My other challenge has been (and I am really trying not to do this) is counting how long it’s been since my full blown panic attack that started all this (i.e.) 7 months and counting etc. I know the answer to this is accepting, because of my accepting I have come so far, but the last 15 to 20 % is making me impatient.

    Also I had started meditating a few months back, but I found I woke up with thicker DP the next day, same for when I work out? Anyone have any thoughts on this? Please share. I did notice I slept better after these 2 activities.

    Again, awesome reading all the positive comments

    Warm Regards,

  276. marcb Says:

    Well done Debbie!….. Go for it! x

  277. Bill Says:

    Well done Debbie,hope you really enjoy it.Josh,thats a great story,also lessons to be learnt there.Jo,thanks for your reply,everyone keep up the good work.Bill.

  278. Sydney Carton Says:

    Hi Bill – you’re nowt but a youngster

    All good wishes SC (aged 65)

  279. Doreen Says:

    And indeed I am 66. You are all youngsters. Please don’t worry though that you have years ahead of this struggle. I have had the problem a few times but many more years without. And in fact this episode is probably the one I have coped with best on the whole. Set backs because I have been poorly with a virus which left me very depleted and now a bit fed up as I have hurt my knee and as I love walking this is not good news.
    Jo, no I have not had sickness in the way you have but have felt sick particularly in the morning.

  280. Ivy V. Says:

    Hi Paul,

    I just got your book and it’s been helping me a lot. I have suffered from Anxiety for a many years. It comes and goes, but I am tired of it and I really want it to dissapear once and for all.

    I see that your book has a lot of explanations about the symptoms, which have really helped me understand and not fear them. The one symptom that really does bother me a lot is a feeling of off-balance almost dizziness. I would really like to understand why that happens, sometimes it’s just too strong that it’s hard for me to bounce back with a good attitude. Can you please explain why it happens? I no longer want to fear it.

    Thank you! you have really given hope.

  281. Rebecca Says:

    Evelyn thanks for that very positive post, i have had a few days of no negative thoughts, it feels amazing, I hope this continues.
    I feel like a new person, i started antidepressants a few weeks ago more for the anxiety and they have really helped :)

  282. Rebecca Says:

    Hey Jo, I know what you mean with the constant anxiety, the last few months have been so tough for me and having to go through it pretty much by myself :( For me my anxiety has been exacerbated by all the changes i have been through over the last 6mnths, i moved to devon with my x partner and didn’t know anyone then ended the relationship because i wasn’t happy, i then moved in with 4 guys that were really nice but they moved out as they wanted a bigger house, i then had to pick lots of other people to live with, at the same time my twin brother moved abroad and my parents who i am very close to live 2.5 hrs away. This really affected me and i am hoping that after time once i have settled into my new 9-5 job and being able to have weekends off, i can see my family and friends more :)This recently has been the biggest challenge of my life, to stay STRONG, and try and not focus on the negative things. Being out of control for me really sets off my anxiety and panic, understanding all of this helps as trying to have some stability is a must. Does anyone else find that by going through big changes or stresses really exacerbates their anxiety?

  283. Jeff Says:

    Dave, I’ve had some experience with heightened symptoms following meditation. For me, it seemed like I was fighting myself from coming to some resolution of my issues, almost as if meditation brought me close to figuring something out that I didn’t want to. Also, I would meditate and feel guilty when I wasn’t able to fully shut my mind off. The guilt and rumination are fuel for anxiety (as you know). I realized that it wasn’t being successfull at meditation that counts, it’s the attempt, and soon I learned that I needed to be honest about how I was feeling and give in to those feelings. Once I recognized that I was learning about myself through meditation and trying to avoid what I was learning I stopped getting heightened symptoms afterward. Now it helps me realize how I’m feeling in alot of ways, but I do it less and less since my symptoms have dwindled to a trickle. Hope all of you are well… wish I could go to Dublin like everyone else:)

  284. Jo Says:

    Hi Rebecca. I think most certainly everything you have gone through has not helped your anxiety, but look how well you are doing now.
    I have had some stress too over the last year and you don’t realise how much it affects you at the time. Although my Mum was 90 when she died last september, and I didn’t see a great deal of her because she lived 80 miles away, she was still a strong prescence in my life and it is very strange to think she is no longer here. She was in hospital for many months and we knew she was dying for the last one or two of them. We visited as often as we could and I coped with that, and with the funeral, and no sign of anxiety because I felt I should be strong enough to cope at my age. But a month after, all this set in and I realised I had been thinking and dreaming about her a lot. There was also the guilt that I was not with her when she died.
    So yes, I think that these stresses and changes have a lot to do with how we feel, and is there any wonder. We’re not machines after all. We’re just trying to get by in life as bset we can. Stay positive. x

  285. Evelyn Says:

    Rebecca :)

    It makes mu day 10I times better to know im helping someone! When I first came across this site 1 year and a half. I thought im never gonna get over this… these people are nt as bad as as hard as it was I kept trying and trying to follow the advice on her.. and it had worked.. I am 80%. Recovered and I don’t regret this experience because people who go through this have gone to rock bottom, that makes u appreciate life better than others! We ARE TRUE WARRIORS! let’s keep our heads up.. p.s. I would never change my life because overcoming this is a blessing

  286. Matt Says:

    Thanks paul for the words of advice, today has been great for me so far. I just got a job, doing volunteer work, and am in school. So I don’t have time for anything, lol. I just let it be there today and stop caring and got so much done today, instead of staying in my hutt of despair, which is what I call it. Things seem to be really looking up for me and I have a new sense of hope that has seemed to grow. Thanks again for the great words, they gave me a good lift.

  287. Monica Says:

    Evelyn I love what you’ve said. And yes, I totally know what you mean when you think no one has it as bad as you. You hear people say, oh I just feel nervous all the time, and I think “do you know what kind of intrusive thoughts I’ve had?!??!” But to everyone, anxiety is a disturbance in their normal life so at the end of the day it is equally bad for us all. Although anxiety has made things topsy turny at points, and I feel truly blessed in many ways because before it happened I feel as if I was going through life in a trance as most do. I’ve woken up to appreciate life!
    A turning point for me was thinking about my life 50…60 years from now when I’m on my death bed (lol, yes, morbid i know). Do I wanna look back and say, “Oh, I’m dying and I never fully experienced life because of that awful anxiety thing. If I could just go back and do it over again I wouldn’t pay attention to it because nothing bad happened after all, just like I’d been told. Too late now…” Aha, a bit dramatic, but it put things in perspective.
    We ARE warriors.
    And Paul, the positivity is great! I honestly have loved reading this blog over forums because I feel the support is a lot greater and more positive here. I just wanna say a big thank you for running this site. I don’t know if you get enough “thank you”s lol. I hope one day I get to that point in my recovery where I can help others and not be effected by it aswell…because on my good days I do try to help others but sometimes it brings me down again and I have to stop. Anyways, I just need to say I have no clue how I’d be without this blog!!

  288. Evelyn Says:


    It seems to me like ur in the right path! U seem to keep urself positive. I can assure you u will over come this..if u look at my post from last year mannnn was I a mess! I had the worst d.p. thoughts. Heart palps. Nervous stomach. U name it I had it. To the tenth but with time and a change of attitude u will get better .. I remember thinking any day I will loose it.. but I thought come on Evelyn, a crazy person would not hold a job, be a mother, cook, clean.etc. u have to think logic and understand that we are in control of are thoughts! So all we have to do is change them! And always remember after every storm there’s a rainbow :)

  289. ginger797 Says:

    thanks for the replys:)…i have been thinking that i should be more possitive as most of the time i put every thought and feeling down to anxiety like for instance ive been sick with flu symptoms for the last few days so straight away im scared and think its anxiety, if i get hot in the car in the sun i think oh no i must be getting a panic attack so i do no now im going to try to turn these thorghts around…theres one thing i cant stop thinking about and need help with a few weeks ago at the hairdressers i wored myself up so much before going there as i do when i have an appointment i started to think in the chair bad thorghts then tryed to stop my pounding heart with breathing excersies which just escallated the whole anxiety into a panic attack in which i dont think id ever had one before i felt like i had a feeling of needing to get out of there and my mind was rushing saying what if you faint in here in front of everyone and i was fighting the thorghts and it rose up with a electric surge feeling up my spine up to the top of my head( im guessing that was a panic attack) when the hairdresser came ove to me i felt better as i was taling to her but i went to laugh at some thing she said and i felt a ping rise in my stomach so i quickly recoild and i just kept thinking about that episode for weeks it did me no harm and no one evern noticed but i just kept thinking about it! so last friday night my daughter had a birthday party at the gymnastics centre and for the last few weeks my mind has been racing as to work myself out why i feel like this and what all these feelings mean that night i tryed to keep happy about the party but as i was getting ready the ping in my tummy started and i recoiled again at any happy feeing i got over there and was soo cold i couldnt stop shaking which made my mind remember the anxiety feelings any way just before i was to light the candles on the cake and have all the kids come over to the table my mind started to race saying the kids will all be looking at me and i started to feel the same feelings of panic as i did at the hairdressers i really wanted to run as the shot of electricity shot up to the top of my head i stayed there and no one noticed again but again even to now i still keep thinking of that feeling and trying to dysect it as to if it happens again what should i do ect…so my question is how has everyone else coped with panic how should i manage it and how do i stop going over it in my head and to lying down a battle field of if it happens i should do or will do such and such????…..sorry about the long post but any advice would be apprieciated

  290. Matt Says:

    ginger….panic attacks, for me anyways, were based on me training my brain into thinking there was something to be scared of in the first place. Think about, when you first get the attacks they take on a form all theirselves and then you begin experiencing it in almost all situations. It is nothing but a feeling that, that’s all it is. Your body is out of whack right now, how I got over it was saying, “yes, these are scary feelings, but can they hurt me?” no, they can not. When you train your brain into that kind of habit, you have to retrain it with the truth. The truth is that nothing bad is gonna happen, you wont faint or pass out, you just have to let it be. Trust me, I know, I suffered with this for over a year before I finally recovered, and when I realized that it was just excess adrenalin, they faded for good. That’s all it is. I remember having a panic attack at a mexican restaurant and stopped going to that restaurant because it happened there, well, you know what? I decided to go back anyways and even though I felt panicky nothing bad happened. Panic attacks are nothing but you based on over-obsessing and worrying to the point to where you have more and more. I had severe attacks over a year ago to where I quit my job and didn’t know what was wrong with me, when I found this site I realized what it was. It was excess adrenalin, and once I accepted that, they went away, permanently. They are just feelings, that’s all, and can never, ever hurt you. So, next time you feel it coming on, realize that nothing bad will happen, you just developed a bad habit of thinking that will keep around. Once you change your attitude towards it, it goes away, at least for me pretty quickly. Hope the best for you!

  291. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Monica says : And Paul, the positivity is great! I honestly have loved reading this blog over forums because I feel the support is a lot greater and more positive here.

    Monica I used to visit forums when they first came about and found them incredibly depressing and counter productive, where they were poorly moderated and anything was let through and with no one about to help and advise. I still don’t like them and think they can become a crutch where the same people are just typing the same things years down the line, less a help and more of a dumping ground for how they feel. Just my view and my own experince of them and I never wanted one, others may have found help there, but they were not for me.

    I know this place is not always as positive as it is now and don’t expect it to be, but I really do enjoy it when it is and I do moderate it and delete certain posts (although rarely) if I feel it will not benefit the place as a whole.

  292. Doreen Says:

    Well, what a lovely day. Off the B&Q (cheap day for oldies) to buy some gardening stuff and then lunch in a teashop garden near York. Trying not to focus on the fact that my knee is very painful as that could spoil what in other ways could be an anxiety (nearly) free day. Ireland tomorrow!!

  293. marcb Says:

    Hi all, woke up today a bit urgghh, probably cos I drank too much and it definately has an effect on my anxiety in the morning when i overdo my alcohol consumption. Just a quick question that I’d love answering please…… Is it normal with anxiety to have a LOT of worrying thoughts? Worrying thoughts about….. Well…. Just about anything and everything really. Many thanks…. Marcb

  294. Will Says:

    Hey all, something weird and very embarrassing happened to me earlier today…
    At university we were being given a lecture on a form of art about a certain subject. We were given a warning about the images being controversial and shocking.
    Anyway we were sitting in the lecture theatre looking at these images on a slideshow, and I noticed I was starting to feel shaky and clammy. My mind then went straight to thinking “I must be sensitive to this subject, this means I’m about to faint”. And well, I started to panic. So, in a packed theatre, I left the room pretending to go to the toilet and didn’t go back in until the lecture was over, then I went to get my stuff. It was embarrassing because I could imagine why everyone thought I left. The lecture was about a subject I sort of knew I was sensitive about, and I’m guessing this was why my anxiety sparked. Yeah, really embarrassing… :(

    On a related note, I seem to have this fear of fainting which often sparks a panicky reaction and therefore fools me into thinking I’m fainting. Then I start to wonder “What are the conditions required for fainting? Is it anything like how I’m feeling now? Is this just adrenaline or am I really going to pass out?” I’ve never fainted before, so I don’t know.
    Does anyone else feel like this sometimes?

  295. Jo Says:

    Hi marcb. I would think the answer to that is probably yes. I worry about alsorts of things that i would never have bothered about before anxiety took over. Example- the other day I gave my dog a dose of glucosamine for her joint problems and later that night she was very sick with upset tum! I sat worrying about her all night, silly thoughts that I had poisoned her and she would die. My son told me to stop worrying or I would make myself ill, and guess what…I made myself ill, and I had a very bad morning the next day. I worry about going out, I worry about staying in! I am getting better at ignoring the worrying thoughts but yes there are lots of them. x

  296. Jo Says:

    Will, I can identify with that. There are certain things I can’t watch on tv, without feeling shaky and uncomfortable. Anything psychological to do with people losing their minds for example. Also I have a strong fear of passing out and hate the feeling, and fight it like mad which of course makes it worse. I did knock myself out many years ago when I fell down some steps, and it wasn’t that bad so I don’t know why I am so afraid of it. It’s just irrational fear I suppose. x

  297. Will Says:

    Jo, thanks for replying.
    Pretty much anytime I feel lightheaded, heavyheaded or feel like the blood’s draining from my face, I think I’m about to faint. As I said, I don’t know the conditions for fainting – the difference between fainting and just having a regular panic attack – so I guess the uncertainty makes it worse. I was sitting down too, and I heard that you can’t pass out if you’re sitting down. Whether that’s true or not I don’t know but I forgot all about it when the feeling came.

    Did you really? Hope you were ok afterwards.

  298. Jo Says:

    Hi will, yes I was fine thanks, I was only out for seconds. Someone told me that you can’t pass out if you are lying down. Also someone else and I can’t remember whether it was the nurse or the person who assessed me for CBT, told me that you won’t faint during a panic attack because of the blood pressure which is the wrong way for it. I know that doesn’t make much sense but I can’t remember if it’s blood pressure drops, or rises during an attack, and it’s the other way round for passing out. Can you make sense of that LOL

  299. marcb Says:

    Thank You Jo!

  300. Will Says:

    Lol yeah that makes sense. In retrospect I guess I just found it hard to know whether my blood pressure was high or low because I was feeling light-headed. My heart was beating fast so I assume it was high.

  301. jackie Says:

    Hi all, :) the main causes of fainting are low blood sugar levels and a sudden drop in blood pressure, you know the feeling you get if you get up from sitting too quickly. You won’t faint during a panic attack as your heart beats faster raising your blood pressure. X

  302. Rebecca Says:

    Hey Jo, you are more likely to pass out if your blood pressure is low which is hypotention. When we panic our blood pressure rises, the heart works faster and therefore pumps blood quicker to the heart causing the blood pressure to rise. You can become dizzy or lightheaded if your heart rate increases, mine sometimes does this when i’m anxious but you just need to lie down or slow down for a few minutes.
    Matt your training the brain advice is really good, like i said previously i have had some horrible panic attacks recently about 2 weeks ago but they have stopped now, i am mainly getting sweaty palms and tremors in my arms and legs. You are right it’s all about telling yourself things are ok and nothing horrible is going to happen. It’s not an easy process though is it :( Thanks for the support on here guys :)

  303. Jo Says:

    Thanks Rebecca and Jackie, I just couldn’t remember which way round it was. Does anyone experience this I wonder. This afternoon I fell asleep and woke quite suddenly, I felt really weird and out of it and then the shakes started. It lasted about half an hour before subsiding. I have had it before many times but not recently so I don’t know why it struck again today. Usually this is my best time of the day for settling down and relaxing, but now I am unsettled again. I know it will pass so I am just trying to ignore it, but I do find it quite frightening. x

  304. Jeff Says:

    Yeah Jo, I can’t nap for that very reason. I won’t nap or allow myself to fall asleep before bedtime. Napping makes everything worse for me, it’s the only time I get significant DP, for instance, and causes me to be mean and moody. I don’t know why it’s like that, it just is.

  305. Matt Says:

    Just wanted to let you konw I went in for an interview today and nailed and start work tomorrow. I got a good paying job, and the whole time didn’t care how I appeared or anything, I was even joking around with some of the co-workers. Doing what paul says really does work, and finally getting back into the normal world again is making me feel like me again. I’m really happy at the moment cause I know for a fact that I can get through this and live happily and normal again, I already feel like it coming back. It’s such a beautiful sight when you can start to see the other side and not just get a glimpse of it, but embrace it regardless of what’s going on in your life. Just wanted to add those positive words of encouragement, I will not let anxiety/dp rule life anymore. If it wishes to stay, then so be it, it can stay forever how long it wants because I just gave up the fight and moved on with my life. I will not sit here and feel sorry for myself anymore and will not cave in, this is my life to live and i’m gonna live it. You guys, whatever your experiencing, just live your life, give up the fight and it will pass. After doing it for months and having ups and downs I finally had the epiphany that “who cares?” I’m not gonna waste away in the the black abyss like I did last year. Hope everyone is doing great!

  306. Jo Says:

    Jeff. I know that feeling so well, there have times when I have been so afraid to fall asleep, because I just knew I would feel ten times worse on waking up, that I have actuallt battled to stay awake even when I could hardly keep my eyes open. I would never wish it on anyone but it is a comfort to know someone else understands this. Thanks for replying.
    Matt, congratulations on your job and on feeling so good. it is heart warming to hear.

  307. Michelle m Says:

    Congratulations on your new job Matt. its great to hear you so strong in your attitude. Thanks for your kind posts over the past few months. all the best and have a good day tomorrow. Michelle x

  308. Debbie Says:

    Good luck for tomorrow Matt, anybody would be anxious at a interview so u were really brave it’s not easy, well done u!

  309. Doreen Says:

    Well done Matt. Very good news indeed. Look forward to hearing how things are going (if you still have time to post on here).

  310. Rebecca Says:

    Well done Matt, i have recently started a new job and I absolutely love it, I really hope you enjoy yours too :)

  311. Monica Says:

    Matt that is so awesome! I’ve got to apply to some new places. Looking forward to that :)

    Evelyn, thank you! I am doing really well. It didn’t take days, more like weeks to get to this better place and I’m no longer feeling scared when I wake up feeling anxious or start getting symptoms. Even the dp doesn’t bug me. I attribute a lot of this to having a full understanding of my symptoms and the fact that it is all a product of anxiety. I feel like you also have to train yourself to deal with these bad feelings. If tmmrw I am not feeling well, that is OK because I’m now learning how to move on and approach anxiety not with fear, but understanding.

    And Paul, something else that really ticks me off that I read on other websites are comments like, “you will never completely get over this”. Some websites tell you that your anxiety or ocd will stay with you forever and you’ll just have to learn to live with that. That is not only disheartening to read, but also untrue…you yourself are proof of this! I’ve met people and read about people, including my own mother, who have suffered with all sorts of anxiety and recovered to go on living great amazing lives. And I’ve seen people just fall farther down into a dark pit of despair between meds and therapy because they believe they’ll never get better. It’s truly sad :(

  312. ginger797 Says:

    hi MATT thanks for your possitive words i really needed to hear then at this point( even as im writing this im in tears and i really dont know why maybe i just need to have a cry to release all this tension built up???) u see i really dont know whats wrong with me i thorght it was just anxiety but then i get a different symptom and i try to over think that symptom and find ways to fend it off if it happens again,like i said i had a panic attack but i got through it but because it doesnt sound like the panic attack described on the wiki in ciclopedia online im thinking maybe it wasnt a panic attack?? i just keep doubting how i feel it sux..and im finding that im scared that i’ll become agrophobic but ive noticed that im staying home alot and feeling really depressed about my situation and think that i will never get better i read dr weekes book but iyts not helping and i dont want to go on medication as i dont think that will help anyway….i guess i just need time and get out more and exersise more but thats again……does anyone else take medication on here and how has that helped them…..i just really dont want these panic episodes to take over my life

  313. Matt Says:

    monica…I’ve read countless stories of people recovering completely from DP and OCD. Those sites, like paul said, are dumping grounds where all they do is feel sorry for themselves and continue to look for that certain medicine or whatever that is going to cure them. You can’t let that deter you from recovery, because the “fact” is that all of us can recover, we just have to approach it with a different attitude. When I went in for my interview I felt a little anxious, but ya know what? I didn’t care. I said if I feel this or that then so be it, but I will not allow it to run my life. Those people on other forums allow it to overtake their lives and they become consumed with it, that’s why they haven’t recovered yet. Think about it, if you spend all day consuming yourself with the subject, it will never leave. For me, it wasn’t until I got back to normal living that things felt real again and made sense. You can’t make sense of something you’re not supposed to make sense of, because you end up in a downward spiral of questioning, despair, and so on. that’s what I did for months until I finally took paul’s advice and starting living again, and life feels good and real again, for the most part. There are still lingering things left behind, but that’s ok because it will pass as well.

    I remember I ruminated on a particular comment that a doctor made to a patient that sent me down that spiral, and I realized, if thousands can recover, why can’t I? Those people came to their own false conclusions that they won’t recover, and to be honest, if that is going through my mind then I am doing the opposite of what I should be doing, which is getting on with life no matter what. Remember, focus on the positive, because I’m sure there is a lot more of that in your life and just live….period. Until, one day it all goes away. I recovered once before, and know I can do it again. Good luck!!

  314. ginger797 Says:

    has anyone else had any help from things like hypnothereapy?? cbt??i did start cbt a few months back but it didnt help as i really didnt understand what anxiety was at the time…

  315. Matt Says:

    ginger….you are taking the panic episodes too seriously. When I had them, and they were so severe that I did become agoraphobic, I didn’t know what was wrong with me. Once I read paul’s book and did some research I realized that this is a condition I don’t have to live with for the rest of my life. What’s the worst that would happen if you went to the grocery store or got your hair done? Nothing!! That type of anxiety makes you feel that you can’t do certain things, but ya know what? It’s just a feeling that can’t harm you in anyway whatsoever. Once I realized that, I did everything I was afraid of and nothing happened, other then feelings of panic here and there. Panic attacks for me was my body saying there is something seriously wrong with doing x,y,z. But it’s all false signals, go out and do it anyways carrying pauls advice that it is just excess adrenalin, that’s all it is. Once you understand that and accept it, it fades away like it was never there to begin with. I suffered badly with panic attacks for over a year, even became afraid of the dark. I got through it because I know what the truth is, and I believe you do to. it’s time to not give in to it and leave the house and live your life, you’ll see, just like I did, that there really isn’t anything to be scared of, it’s just my body is overworked. Trust me on this, once you take the understanding of what you are going through with you and keep chugging along, it goes away.

  316. ginger797 Says:

    ok i just read your post above Matt and you summed me up to a tee at how i feel this very moment and im allowing myself to feel helpless and dark when i do know what i should be doing! i too have read heps on panic attacks just a few minute ago and thorght the worst because it said you’d need medication to recover from them and then you will be addicted so again i love your posts and rebeccas because you all are so inspiring i just need to stay positive and active….

  317. Monica Says:

    Matt I totally agree! It doesn’t deter me because well I’ve already come so far and I understand a lot more now and I know full recovery is very possible, but I feel bad for people who are in a worse place and read that! How must that make them feel? It just makes me a little angry, lol.

    And Ginger, everyone experiences panic attacks in different ways. I always found it hard to explain how I was feeling and I don’t think we can fully express it in words, so maybe that is why you are having a hard time relating. And cry if you want to! Crying always makes you feel better because you release hormones that make you feel calmer and more subdued.
    The panic won’t take over unless you let it get the best of you. Matt is right. You are taking them too seriously! We worry and worry and get into a negative cycle over anxiety and panic but in the end these things cannot kill you or make you crazy. Don’t stay locked up in your room and ruminate over how you feel. One particular day I was feeling hopeful and made plans to go to the mall. However, as the day progressed I felt worse and wanted to cancel the plans and just go home and cry and feel sorry for myself. However, I couldn’t get out of it and went. I realized when I was done that going out and doing something was A LOT more productive for myself then sitting at home wallowing in misery. I didn’t feel better at the mall, but I did get distracted and re-established normality a bit, and as I said it was more productive then doing nothing at home. You can get better! Hope that helped a bit! :)

  318. Jo Says:

    Hi everyone. Although I agree totally with what has been said, it is not easy to convince yourself that the way you feel is ok, and to just get on with life. Thinking ‘I don’t care how I feel’ is one thing but believing it is a different matter. Some times I can do it sometimes not, depending on the severity of my symptoms. I mean you are doing battle with your own mind aren’t you?
    I am not trying to be negative here, and it is great for those who have found acceptance, but for those of us still struggling it can feel like ‘If they can do it why can’t I?’
    I have this feeling that if I could just let go of the fear and the thoughts that well into my head, I could be the person I used to be again.I just don’t know how to let go.
    Ginger, I am starting CBT this afternoon. I am not sure if it will help but I’m willing to give it a try. But already I am worrying about going there! x

  319. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Monica says: And Paul, something else that really ticks me off that I read on other websites are comments like, “you will never completely get over this”. Some websites tell you that your anxiety or ocd will stay with you forever and you’ll just have to learn to live with that. That is not only disheartening to read, but also untrue…you yourself are proof of this! I’ve met people and read about people, including my own mother, who have suffered with all sorts of anxiety and recovered to go on living great amazing lives. And I’ve seen people just fall farther down into a dark pit of despair between meds and therapy because they believe they’ll never get better. It’s truly sad

    Monica the only people who tend to say this is the people who have not found the right help and figure if they can’t come through then others can’t. I remember going to see my doctor in my days of suffering and he just threw pills at me, I was shifted from one so called therapist to another with no real answers. I tried every alternative route with zero help and I concluded that I could not get better, it astounded me that no one could tell me anything or help me and if that was the case then I must be a one off and this is me for life. But I never accepted that, I had to find the answers, they had to be out there and that started with a name eventually ‘Anxiety and Depersonalisation’ so right I had a starting point. The rest of it is a long story, but the point is I would not give up searching and I did find the answers and did lead myself back to who I am today.

    I have also lost count of the number of people on here who have recovered or are 90% there. I actuallt have a good relationship with my doctor and often chat with him when I go to see him on anything unrelated and we discuss anxiety and he admits that he just throws tablets at the problem and is concerned as to the number of people that it does not seem to help and has asked me of places to advise where he can send them online as he agress tablets are not the answer. Again you cannot blame him as it really is a subject in itself, it took me years starting from scratch to truly understand everything and I don’t think you ever stop learning. Even to this day someone on here may say something very enlightening and you think yes that’s a great way of putting it.

    The simple truth is the more you understand, then the less you think and that gives your mind more freedom and flexability. Apart from when I come on here, anxiety rarely crosses my mind, it is not my habit to go over and over it anymore and I no longer have anything to try and figure out or worry about. My life is my world now and not my anxiety, as when I did not understand anything it was all I thought about.

  320. Debbie Says:

    Wish I could say I believed u can get over anxiety! Had another bad day today, seems to b getting worse than better, everything Paul says u shouldn’t do I do but I can’t do what he says cos I feel so bad, my head feels like its going to explode with the tension where my minds desperately trying to think how to feel better, I’ve spent all day crying and going round and round in circles, I’m actually doing my own head in but can I stop it NO!
    Can I accept? NO! I feel like banging my head against the wall!

  321. Jo Says:

    Debbie, I think you may be trying too hard to feel better. I know that is what we desperately want but paul is right that it takes time. And I know it is not easy, believe me I do. Did you say you were on medication. If so it may be worth checking with your doctor in case it isn’t suiting you.
    Are you having panic attacks and have you tried the breathing into a paper bag technique? I found that one way of calming me down when I couldn’t control the adrenaline rush. I am sorry you are having such a hard time just now but it will get better, just don’t try to force it. x

  322. Jeff Says:

    Debbie, Jo is right. Just tell yourself that this is what needs to happen today and that things will be better soon. But let today be today. Give yourself a break and don’t beat yourself up over it. Just tell yourself today is rotten and give yourself time time rest and do what you need to do to get through it. If you tell yourself things will be better and you allow yourself the space to rest through the bad days, in time, and maybe not tomorrow, but in time things WILL get better. My heart goes out to you.

  323. Debbie Says:

    Hi Jo
    Yes I had my anti depressants changed just over 3 wks ago they had to give me a low dose cos of the previous tabs, this wk I’ve had them doubled so I’m on the normal amount for anxiety, so probably my bodies getting used to them, I hate taking them.
    I don’t get panic attacks, the doc has said its generalised anxiety, I had a bad spell 4 yrs ago then 3 good years (on medication tho) then got knocked off my moped, held up by knife point in the shop I worked in then my mother in law died of cancer, we got to the hospice two minutes too late, it was my first time seeing someone suffer so much and die, neither had I seen a dead body before it was very distressing, my daughter had got married the week before which was highly stressful especially as I gave her away, I was fine at the time it was 6 months later I noticed anxiety symptoms starting, so it’s been 9 months now, I had to give my job up but have been offered 8 hours if I want to go back which I really want to, but as I’m feeling worse I don’t know if I can, so feel miserable with that. x

  324. Monica P. Says:

    I’ve nearly finished reading your book Paul, but I must say this after reading the first few chapters it was like I kind of knew what the cure would be and that is just what you state, acknowledge that ‘it’s’ there, but just get on with your life, and ‘it’ will go when ‘it’s’ ready. I could not stop laughing at the thought of you wearing something around your neck to cure your ‘problem’, believe me I would have worn a spacesuit, walked like a spaceman for weeks around the town where I live if it meant that I would have been cured.
    I didn’t even know what the hell I had for over 20 nearly 30 years, I cannot recall the amount of medical help, therapy, anti-depressants, private costly therapy I have had, and sadly not one of those ‘professionals’ talked in detail about Anxiety and all those other nasty things that come along with it, including for me the most damaging depersonalisation. I cannot believe that GP’s today don’t know about, don’t talk about Anxiety as a whole, imagine going to the doctor tomorrow and your complaint is that you cannot pass your stools, and the doctor never knew, never told you about laxatives etc!
    I was so shocked when I read your section on panic attacks, I strangely have mine in the middle of the night when I suddenly find myself awake with my heart beating like it was going to explode, I also experience a fear like I have never felt before, it was like if I wanted to see the Devil himself he would have appeared in front in me in my bedroom, because the atmosphere was evil. I have also woken up in the middle of the night absolutely convinced that I have swallowed my mobile phone, my bra, or any other item that is nearby! it takes me a while to realise that this in fact has not happened. Horrible thoughts, disturbing thoughts, I ticked all your Anxiety boxes except for shaky hands!
    I am looking at my anxiety with humour now, now I know exactly what it is and it is nothing to fear. Paul you are right about not being worried about other people thinking that your behaving strangely, for it really doesn’t matter. I didn’t get anxiety overnight and I know it certainly won’t go over night so I wait patiently to be me again whilst getting on with my life, and the best thing of all is my recovery won’t cost me a penny!

    All the best, Monica P.

  325. Ivy V. Says:

    Hi Paul,

    As I mentioned before I have been having a hard time with the off-balance feeling/sensation. I am almost done with you book and I feel that it has helped me a great deal. I have great faith in it.

    I have been under a lot of stress lately, I am getting married in October and the wedding planning has been too much. Plus many other issues kinda contributed towards my melt down. I have had really bad anxiety two other times in my life, eventually I get over it and suddenly one day it returns. I almost feel like it’s the way I am that brings it back. I worry a lot and I panic in situations where I really shouldn’t. I have a tendency of worry all the time. I am actually seeing a therapist about that. But your book has really touched me. I feel like now I know the reason why and maybe just maybe I won’t get this again in the future.

    I was doing really bad a few months ago, and now I feel better. I have good days and bad days. But the truth is, I have changed my attitude about it. I don’t fear it as I did, I feel bad at work sometimes and I just want to leave, but I refuse to leave because I keep telling myself that I don’t want to fear my place of work and I stand my ground however I feel. The only thing I seem to struggle with it’s this off-balance thing that kinda tests me sometimes.


  326. Jo Says:

    Hi debbie, with all that you have been through there is no wonder you feel like you do. I don’t know what to tell you about going back to work, except that i wouldn’t be able to cope with a job just now , but that is how I am feeling. I am just coming to terms with doing the things I was avoiding, little by little, so work would be too much stress. Mind you I haven’t worked for a few years (no jobs) so going back to work after a long break can be difficult anyway. Facing death is very traumatic. I think it is something nearly everyone is afraid of, so seeing your mil like that was bound to have a deep impact. I watched my mil die and it was very distressing. That made me afraid to be at my mother’s side when she died in September, and now i feel guilty about that. You’ve also had the accident and faced someone with a knife! I think anyone can be forgiven for shutting down after all that.
    As Jeff says, try to give yourself a break and don’t beat yourself up about it. I know it doesn’t feel like it now but it WILL get better. x

  327. Jo Says:

    Hi everyonel, just to say i had my first CBT session yesterday and it went very well. My physcological wellbeing practitioner was very nice and very positive. And guess what, her advice was much the same as Paul’s. She was very interested when I mentioned his book and the website.
    We talked about anxiety, the symptoms, how it affects my life and daily routine etc. I was there for over an hour and felt quite positive afterwards. I even managed the ten minute walk to meet my son with no trepidation which I had had previously at the thought of doing that walk. Hope today will be a good one for all. x

  328. Diane Says:

    Paul , just wanted to thank you for your advice on doing presentation I took your advice on board when you spoke about the pub quiz , I just wanted to let you know I managed both presntations/workshops and got really positive feedback, its true not everyone knows when your anxious, as the co-ficiliatator said I did not come a across that way. Also the sense of acheivement was brilliant, thank you thank you thank you, your book and this blog has / is really been a big part and supportive part of my recovery journey big thanks x

  329. Debbie Says:

    Has anyone ever had this situation?…. My friend of ten years came for a cuppa today I haven’t seen her for a month, she was a anxiety sufferer over the years she has slowly got better, now she works for herself is doing a life coaching course as well, meeting lots of new people, so I’m very proud of her cos as we know it’s hard when u suffer with anxiety. I had noticed that she hadn’t been in touch or doesnt reply to my texts as much and it’s the longest spell of not seeing her, so chatting she told me I’m a very negative person that I really should try harder to b positive, I said its quite hard when u feel so bad and she looked as if to say ur not helping yourself, so when she left I felt even worse as I know she’s moved on and after ten years of friendship I’m still in the same place! Now I feel not only I have to learn to accept, change my way of thinking by being more positive, learn to live with anxiety, and lose weight! Shall I just shoot myself now?? Oh and obviously full of self pity!

  330. Diane Says:

    Hi Debbie, I am sorry to hear off your situation it sounds strange that someone who has had anxiety could be so hurtful. I also think that fiendships change, people can be in our lives and then we naturally drift from one person/ group to another one/person. Try not to beat up on yourself remember your dong your best at this time and thats all we can do. I hope she isnt going to be so hard on people when she is life coaching them!!!!!!!! Try not to get to worriedor overthink the situation, if she is a true friend you will overcome thi situation,be kind to yourself , positivety is hard when anxiety takes hold, but it wont be forever, just let things be, like Paul says in the book, dont fight and accept and concentrate on your owm wellbeing,

    take care, Diane

  331. ginger797 Says:

    Hi PAUL, can i have your advice last night because ive just started to not be able to sleep i got a phenergan tablet from chemist well just as i was about to take it my mind and heart started to race at the thorght that i’ll will do something bad to me or that i will wake in the night and need to go to hospital so i didnt take it but went to bed feeling like that anyway so i got up and took it and still felt anxious with still no sleep, today im shaking like a leaf i feel like im looking at a tiger thats how scared i am but im trying not to be adding second fear like you say i also feel like i could cry even when im in an interview like yesterday i started to shake and my lip was shaking i was looking around at the lady trying not to think to much but it was hard i felt like i could cry right there in front of her…did you ever feel like that and how do i combat this because i mean i cant go around crying in front of peopl for mo reason…..

  332. ginger797 Says:

    has anyone been on or are on medication?? im needing advice maybe just because im scared of being scared and sooo sick of this feeling that im looking for an easy way out(i no what you are all saying that there isnt an easy way out but i guess im just hoping that the meds would make me wake a normal me again) i did read some where that they can make you suicidal so i dont really want thatbut would love to hear others points of view on this…

  333. Matt Says:

    ginger….you are worrying too much. You are working yourself up to being sensitive to the anxiety state. Don’t worry, it’s all false, I can promise you. Everything that is flowing through your tired mind are false thoughts brought on by anxiety. That’s all it is. If you add worry upon worry then you will end up like I did, in a helpless state where I felt lost and worried all of the time. This isn’t you, this is anxiety. If it was you, then it wouldn’t bother you so much. that’s what I had to remember, the real me wouldn’t be bothered with such weird, senseless thoughts that go nowhere.

    Again, stop researching about how it makes you suicidal, it is all false. I have never run across someone that did actually carry that out. Your mind is sensitive and weak right now, that’s why everything becomes bothersome. The more you realize that, the easier it will be to come through it. I have met countless others that have completely recovered, it’s all about perspective and attitude. Trust me, your thoughts and fears are not produced by you, but by your anxiety. Read paul’s book again if you have to over and over again. That’s what I did, and it gave me the confidence and courage to move on with my life. Hope everyone is doing well!!

  334. Monica Says:

    Matt is right ginger! The more you understand anxiety the better you will understand the way you are feeling and WHY you feel this way. Medication will do nothing but mask symtoms! It’s not in my place to say do or don’t take it, but I honestly believe you can do this yourself. It won’t be easy, but do you really want to be on meds your whole life?
    Meds is not “an easy way out’. You’re going to have to go through the whole myriad of side effects and possibly have to switch from med to meds and it won’t be easy. PLease read Pauls book and don’t give up hope!

  335. ginger797 Says:

    thanks matt and monica, i do know that im stuck in the fear adrenalin fear cycle and im going to start to just go with life and each day at a time i i no that im just working myself up, its funny because i had the two panic attacks and no one noticed i stayed calm well in my mind it wasnt but i know how they feel now and no i cant come to anyharm but i keep thinking about it over and over but thanks for your replys…do u guys have any tips on sleeping as u can emagin im having a hard time sleeping in the last 3 nights my minds been racing thats why i got the sleeping tablet but couldnt get myself to take it but did later and still couldnt sleep:/

  336. Jo Says:

    Debbie that woman is not a friend at all but one of those people who like to make themselves feel important by belittling others. She is not a true sufferer of anxiety or she would be more understanding and supportive as everyone else on here is. Don’t give her another thought, and next time she wants to come for a cuppa to massage her own ego, tell her you are too busy. x

  337. Jo Says:

    Ginger I am not on medication now but I was back when I was suffering the severe depression. believe me at that time there is no way I could have read paul’s book or come on here. I wasn’t even functioning as a normal human being so for me there was no alternative. I was terrified of the list of side effects but I had to take the tablets. It wasn’t an easy recovery but recover I did. Like Monica I can’t tell you to take them or not, and in fact even my new doctor has said that to me. All I can say is that I don’t want to go back on the anti depressants if I can help it, but I suppose if I got as bad again I would have to.

    I am feeling a bit ‘wobbly’ this morning, but then mornings are usually my worst time anyway. When I feel as relaxed in the morning as I do later in the day I will know I am getting there. What set me off this morning ? Simply a conversation about an upset I had last year! Without the anxiety it wouldn’t have bothered me.

    For anyone who suffers from the jolting awake effect that sets off a panic attack – I had it explained to me like this. When we sleep our bodies undergo various changes ,like a drop in heart rate or something similar. When we are well, nothings happens, but in anxiety disorder our bodies are hyper sensitive and percieve this as a threat. So we wake suddenly ready to face that threat and hey presto the adrenaline takes over. No reason for flight results in a panic attack because of the adrenaline. Not so fearful when understood. Have a good day all. x

  338. DCYL Says:

    Debbie – I am sorry you went through your situation with your friend. LIke the others said, true friends (anxiety or not) will support you. I was fortunate that I had a solid support system when my anxiety first kicked up last year. I talked to one friend once a day for a while. Another friend who I generally would talk to every few weeks would call me back whenever I called. I also talked to a lot of other people too because my worrying was quite high.

    If your friend isn’t being responsive, try to touch base with other folks. While my two main friends may not have completely understood my situation, I am fortunate they were willing to listen. At the end of the day, we all need understanding and not get belittled.

    While this forum is not a substitute for talking to people, feel free to use it. Post your worries or concerns, just to get it out. I know not every post will get a response, but the fact that you are sharing your feelings will hopefully help you feel better. GOOD LUCK!

  339. Debbie Says:

    Thank you for all your support, it’s quite hard when u haven’t many people to talk to, it’s not nice when u have been there for a friend thru their bad times then when u need them they’re better so arnt interested in giving u support. I have three lovely daughters one of them in particular has been brilliant, she seems to understand how I think.
    Anyway just wanted to say I’ve had a lovely day walking along a canal with my hubby and dog it was beautiful, finished off with a bacon sarni and a cuppa! I was very brave cos we went thru the new Hindhead tunnel! I did feel anxious but I just thought I would feel like this at home so what difference does it make after a while it died down, I think a lot of it is my new tablets I feel very spaced out so it makes me dizzy, so it’s been a positive day x

  340. mm16 Says:

    lovely post debbie keep going like this xxxx

  341. Jo Says:

    Well done Debbie, keep it up. x

  342. Rachel Says:

    Hi everyone-

    I’ve been reading this blog for years but have never commented. Paul – thanks for all of your advice and direction. You truly GET IT and I’ve found this to be the very best resource I’ve ever come across (even better than therapy, other books, etc).

    I’ve suffered from anxiety and panic since I was in sixth grade (and I’m now 32!). I’m working on changing my attitude, accepting symptoms completely without trying to push them away and re-phrasing thoughts and self-talk to myself. As well as being away of my sugar intake, exercise and trying to meditate daily.

    In theory, it all makes sense however, as most of you know, in an actual moment of panic when you feel like you are about to pass out and are dripping sweat or whatever your symptoms are, it feels like death and is still so scary. It’s tough to have complete faith in yourself and body in that very moment. But hopefully if you keep practicing this then you will make progress. And in the mean time, working on the attitude of – if anxiety stays with me forever, that’s cool, it’s really no big deal, I have bigger things to think about … like enjoying my life!

    Paul- wondering if there’s a way to have a buddy system or someone who we can email for personal support every so often. I live in New York and wish there was some kind of in-person group or person to share with. Any thoughts?


  343. Rachel Says:

    Oh, one more question. This is for Paul or anyone else who wants to weigh in. For someone who has had anxiety as long as me (over 20 years), is it truly possible for it to fade away using the techniques/tips here? It’s difficult sometimes to have a positive outlook about it since you’ve been living with it for so long and it feels like you’ve tried everything, you know?

    Thanks again,

  344. Monica Says:

    Debbie, that friend is obviously on a high horse. She should be more supportive and I hope in the future that you can maybe tell her this in a calm way and let her know that her behaviour and attitude towards you really sucked and that she cannot have that type of approach in her work. You have others to support you and at this time you should not rely on her. glad you had a good day though and hope it continues this way xx.

  345. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Diane Says:

    March 30th, 2012 at 11:49 am e

    Paul , just wanted to thank you for your advice on doing presentation I took your advice on board when you spoke about the pub quiz , I just wanted to let you know I managed both presntations/workshops and got really positive feedback, its true not everyone knows when your anxious, as the co-ficiliatator said I did not come a across that way. Also the sense of acheivement was brilliant, thank you thank you thank you, your book and this blog has / is really been a big part and supportive part of my recovery journey big thanks x

    Hey Diane that’s great and has made my day, but remember your the one who made the brave steps to just go ahead and do it, especially when the instinct is to not do so. Well done and how much confidence does that give you for the future? You don’t know if you can do anything without trying and you can’t make strides without takiing them.

  346. Jo Says:

    Morning all. Having a bit of a wobbly this morning so would appreciate a bit of input. The main thing I think is the London trip, I do want to go and in the afternoon/evening when I feel more relaxed I have no worries about it at all, but mornings are a different story. I don’t know how I will be able to cope going if I feel the way I do now. A few days ago I was certain I could do it, now I am unsure again.
    Another worry is that I ran into a woman yesterday thatI used to be close friends with but haven’t seen for many years as they moved away. She has never tried to contact me before and yet there she was outside my house,’just walking by’ and wants to keep in touch. The thing is I know she will come with ‘baggage’ and I have enough of my own just now. part of me says I should be charitable and welcome her but the other part doesn’t want to get involved again, as she is pretty much a stranger now. Thanks.x

  347. Jo Says:

    Paul, why do you think mornings are most difficult for some of us, if not all? Do you have any thoughts on the serotonin theory?
    If I could feel in the mornings as I do in the afternoon/evenings I would be ok. I have this strange feeling of there being some sort of barrier stopping me feeling good, stopping the real me from coming out and I don’t know how to get past it. When I think back to how I was 6/8 months ago, on holiday in the Cotswolds with no fears, no anxiety, I could cry because I want that ‘me’ back again.
    Your thoughts would be appreciated. Many thanks for all your hard work and help. x

  348. Bill Says:

    Had a strange experience last night whilst at the computer,it was like a headshock/adrenalin rush /dizziness like zapped my head and made me turn away from the computer,i shook my head and after what was probably little more than a second or two it was gone.Very scary and brought me out in a sweat,i keep thinking about it and i know i should not.Was it cos i had been on the computer a while,i don’t know.Can anybody offer any opinions please.Many thanks,Bill.

  349. Joshua Says:

    Hey Bill,
    Had tons of those, sometimes they feel like they travel down my spine and it comes out of nowhere. Very uncomfortable but don let it scare you. It happens to me when I focus too lOng on something like a computer but I just let it pass.
    Well im in the middle of Mississippi right now starting day 2 of my 4 day drive to California and I will be honest Bill, I’ve had some anxiety for sure and I’m still dizzy (speaking of which how is yours?) and I seem to be much worse when I get out of the car after driving 5 or 6 hours. BIG TIME dizzy! But I survived yesterday and I will today and I am 1/3 of the way to there so mo reason to stop now! it’s been tough honestly it really has but I’m not stopping! I hope all is well with you and unfortunately I can only check back in wi-fi spots which probably won’t be till tonight ( early morning for you guys) but I will do my best to keep posting how it’s going. And don’t fret too much on the saps Bill,its just part of what we go thru


  350. Bill Says:

    Thats great Josh,as usual you are a big help.I only seem to get this when i have been on the computer for quite a while,i will just accept them in future.Glad your trip is progressing well,i know you will be fine because your attitude is first class.My dizziness comes and goes,it is tension i wish i could get rid of.I will be thinking of you on your long drive,i used to do long drives years ago,once done 850 miles in a day although i am not proud of that now,it was a bit excessive.Good luck for the rest of your trip and enjoy,California,best regards,Bill.

  351. Jo Says:

    Sometimes I think these feelings will be with me forever, and I’ll never get away from them. They are just going to keep popping up every time I think I’m ok. I’m not sure I even know what normal feels like anymore.

  352. Debbie Says:

    Jo I know I’m not a good person to give advice but don’t u think Paul would say its anxiety playing tricks on your thoughts, I too had a good spell 3 yrs good actually so I know how u feel, u know u can feel ‘normal’ as u have been (and u r anyway, but I know what u mean) and u will again, so I think people’s advice would be keep going don’t let your thoughts take over, the sooner u stop focussing on it the quicker you will get back to normal.
    Do u actually want to be friends with this woman? It doesn’t sound like it, if u really wanted to catch up you wouldn’t be questioning it, u probably know deep down want u want to do.
    Perhaps where u r worrying over London it’s triggering off the anxiety bet it’s that little devil it’s thinking whey hey let’s get those thoughts going while she’s having a wobbly moment! Don’t let it win u have to be the stronger one stamp out that devil.
    Hope I’ve helped a little xx

  353. Doreen Says:

    I do sympathise Ginger 797 – you seem a bit stuck at the moment in the treadmill of feeling anxious about everything. I have been there and it is horrible. Again, I am not advocating that you take medication but in some people, me included it does break that treadmill. You don’t feel wonderful and there can be side effects but the space that can be created by not having those thoughts churning away can then be used to take on board the management of anxiety in the ways Paul and others suggest. And then from management you hopefully become if not anxiety free , at least enjoying life again. Phenergan is used by children and adults so cannot do you any harm. I have just had 4 pretty good days as I decided that I was going to have a normal life even if it was harder work than I would like. Was in Ireland for a couple of days and in fact felt great – the butterflies started on the way home but there is a lot to be stressed about so I am not going to worry that I feel a bit more down again.

  354. Jo Says:

    Thank you for replying Debbie, you advice is sound and you did make me smile with your ‘little devil’ remark. I guess I am just having a downer at present. You are right, I don’t really want to get friendly with this woman again, it has been many years and I can’t work out why she should suddenly want to become friends again when she hasn’t been bothered for so long. I have a suspicious mind LOL. And London is on my mind now it’s getting closer. I really do want to go, and I think I can do it unless I have the sickness on the morning. That really knocks me for six. Thanks again Debbie, it has helped. x

  355. Teresa Says:

    Jo – if you need to question whether you have room in your life or this woman you don’t. There are plenty of other people in this world who can help her with her ‘baggage’ you put yourself first
    I have been through loads of ‘waiting for a holiday’ anxiety – it got to the point that i would only book very close to going – and I am still not keen on booking too far in advance. I have always found the waiting is the devil – but the holidays are always fine, i am normally lots better than when I am at home , I may get the odd day – but in general its loads better. so don’t be afraid, or at least even if you are afraid – know that you will be fine, you will.

  356. Matt Says:

    Hey guys just wanted to know that i’ve been doing great. Started my job yesterday and also worked today. It’s really true how working and focusing on other things gets your mind off of yourself and I can actually feel that my mind is rested enough to where I can think pretty clearly. I had a few DP spells here and there, but didn’t care, just got on with it. Also, feeling productive doesn’t make me feel so lousy about myself and depressed. So those still trapped at home or in the despair, get out and get active!! Trust me, don’t worry about your silly thoughts, I had a few of them today and they were fleeting and I didn’t investigate them. I believe this is the best medicine for an anxiety sufferer, get out of the house and do something, anything. With my busy schedule right now I don’t have time for anxiety anymore, if it wants to stay, stay, but I’ve got more important things to do then wasting time figuring out an imaginary and false fear or belief. Hope you guys are doing good!!

  357. Monica Says:

    Great to hear Matt!

    Something I was thinking about today and I believe Paul has mentioned is the cycle of anxiety and anxious thinking. I find with myself that when I’ve been anxious my thoughts go around in a circle, all negative…. example: I’m feeling anxious, are people noticing? When will I stop feeling like this? Will it ever go away? Is there something else wrong with me? etc etc. When we get our mind off anxiety and out of this pattern however, we are stopping this negative thought process. That is why it is SO important not to sit around and stay at home ruminating. You need to get out there and do something and get your mind off of it all. Not just distracting yourself, but just changing your thought process into something new and onto a new task. Take it from the negative and hopeless pattern to the positive pattern.

    Recently I’d been having a low night, and someone invited me to yoga. I went knowing it would be good for me but right as we were about to begin I felt anxious and didn’t know if I could stay in the class. I began to imagine me running out in a panic and people staring at me strangely. As soon as we begun thought, I was totally focused. At the end of the one hour I left the room, got changed and when I stepped outside I thought, “Holy, I just spent an entire hour without thinking about my anxiety once!”. Of course I was happy for a bit, but then when I got home, anxious cycle of thinking took over, but I realized this was just my minds habit. This is what it THOUGHT it was supposed to do because I’d kept leading it there. If we can go out and get busy and break the negative cycle of thinking, things will really start to go well. This to me has been an important step during my recovery! “Don’t allow yourself to get caught up in anxious thinking!
    Hope everyone is doing okay

  358. DCYL Says:

    Matt – GREAT that you are doing well. I shared this sometime last year but let me recap how thankful I was to have a JOB after my initial anxiety started.

    A part of the reason I got anxious was I had been unemployed and worrying about “this and that”. That led to an anxiety attack which threw me off. Fortunately, about a week after the attack, I was brought back to my job that I was let go about a month earlier. I debated whether I should delay going back to work as I didn’t really understand anxiety at the time. I thought I would be fine in time but ultimately decided to just go back to work at the date I had worked out originally.

    As i look back last year, I was pretty bad like many of us were. But it could have been worse if I decided to just “wait things out” and just sit at home. By no means did I have it easy though. My work has some dead time occasionally and my mind would fill with thoughts.

    Ultimately, I had to find a way to stay occupied at work and that meant engaging with co workers and also working out after work.

    As Matt suggests, for anyone struggling, do try to find a way to keep physically and mentally occupied. While exercise worked for me, others have to find something that will work for them.

    Also, I have found that as i have improved, I fell back a bit and I wondered why. The reason was that I wasn’t stretching beyond my habits or as Paul might say, stay with some safety behaviors. It’s funny, I didn’t think I had some safety behaviors but in a way I was. I was doing some things out of habit but afraid to change them as I get used to them. We have to get past that and just do what needs to be done in the moment.

    Good luck everyone!

  359. Monica Says:

    Question for you dp sufferers.
    I just wanted to know if this was common:
    Do you ever find that when you get the sensations of dp this can trigger a panic attack or panicky feelings?

  360. Jo Says:

    Teresa thank you for your reply.I know you are right on both counts, but I guess I just wanted to share my anxieties, and get them out in the open. I usually feel better on holiday too, probably because I don’t have the same stresses there as here. We had a nice beach walk with our dog yesterday afternoon, and although I didn’t feel great, I wasn’t anxious either, so that was nice.
    Monica yes I find that is what happens. I have the slightly detached feeling all the time normally but sometimes the DP washes over me quite strongly and I usually end up with the shakes. It is such a scary feeling, that I think the adrenaline takes over again.
    My question – does anyone have the most difficulty in the morning on waking, or even wake in the early hours with panicky feelings ? x

  361. Matt Says:

    As far as my DP is concerned, the mornings are the worst. I wake up feeling out of it and so forth, but i’ve learned to accept it and move on with my day. The worst thing you can do is stay in bed and question it, I did that for awhile and started my day off badly for awhile. A suggestion would be that, as soon as you wake up, don’t ruminate, just get up and do whatever it is you have to do. Once I turned this into a positive habit, it began to wear off. For some time I expected to wake up and feel out of it, well, almost every morning I did, but I had to allow myself to be ok with it and just get on with it, like everyday. Now, the mornings aren’t so bad, if I feel out of it, then so what? I can either focus on that, or focus on my day ahead. It is a choice, even though it’s hard to do at first, but once you begin developing positive habits, it goes pretty quickly, at least for me it is.

    Monica….yes, dp can trigger panic attacks, but the more you understand about the condition, the easier it will be to actually deal with it. When I was at my worst, I would feel panicky most of the day, which was pretty severe to me. But the more information I collected, the more I realized what I was going through, hence, I don’t really feel the panicky feelings as much anymore. Like i’ve said before, the first step in overcoming DP/anxiety, is understanding it, then, for me, accepting it and allowing it to be there until I recover. Get involved with something that occupies your mind, and eventually it will pass like any other symptom.

  362. Jo Says:

    Thanks Matt. I try to get on with things if it’s a sensible hour but when I wake at 3am there is not much I can do. I am begining to think that the early hour wakings with sickness etc may be something else, as i have not heard anyone say they sufer this, and it doesn’t happen every night/morning even if I feel anxious.
    It is so hard to focus on something else when you feel so bad though, isn’t it. I am finding that very difficult. I suppose I want to master it overnight. x

  363. Teresa Says:

    I have had the early morning wakings – they can be around a while or disappear for a while. I try not to panic about them, they used to be an’issue’, i still get them (not all the time so don’t panic) but I think lots of people without anxiety get them too. Anxiety does want you to conquer things ‘immediately’ – I have had a back injury lately, I see an improvement, – then want immediate full recovery and then get into anxiety why i am still where i am, it’s anxiety, my logical mind tells me i am a good way into physical recovery but anxiety tells me different stories . anxiety latches onto whatever concerns you and tells you the worst possible scenario story.
    You will settle down and will feel so good on your holiday and your return – i understand your need to share your anxiety, we all do. hope that helps.

  364. Jo Says:

    Thank you Teresa, it does help.I think everytime I hear someone confirm that this symptom or that is anxiety then I don’t feel so alone with it. When I had my depression in 2004 we had no one to confide in, and hubby and I felt so lost and out of our depth. No one had heard of depersonalisation, and mine was so bad then it was crippling. I think that is why I fear it so much now.Anyway, we have been to Tesco and yes I did feel weird and just wanted to leave the trolley and come home, but I stuck it out, and then we walked into town before coming home.
    The main fear I have about the trip is coming home alone and spending two days on my own with these feelings, something I haven’t done before. Well,l I won’t be totally alone, I’ll have my dog and cat for company. Thanks again x

  365. Teresa Says:

    and you will have the blog!
    It is the fear of being alone that bothers you – not actually being alone, i don’t know if that makes any sense to you – it is the ‘thought’ of being alone. just like my anxiety gives me a ‘thought’ of you will be like this for ever and you will never be able to differentiate between what was the back pain and what is anxiety – i know that is not true, because although it does happen – it also has revealed itself at points to be anxiety – so i try and realise that it is the ‘thought’ is creating the fear.
    When you have had something as nasty as you had years ago and then the wind blows in that direction again it is bound to cause fear – but fear does not actually mean it is going to happen. The past does not equal the present or the future, everything is constantly changing and this episode maybe actually making you more reilient to any future fears. I am completely like you and i think a lot of people on here are the same, we need to identify with someone who has had the symptoms we have had in order to feel we are not alone and we will survive this. We will – have faith and follow Paul – and if you need reassurance to get you through this spell, that’s ok too.

  366. lorryt Says:

    Hi All

    I am returning here aginst my better judgement, i have been experiencing a lack of sleep recently after taking on a full time job, more responsibility etc. I had gone to the DR’s with a back injury and was given muscle relaxants which helped greatly with my sleep but was only on them briefly. I feel now I have hit another set back as my mind doesnt seem to switch off, and i can feel the adrenelin all the time. I have recently been reacting to it and going round the house like a headless chicken doing this and that, and needless to say I am absolutley exhausted!. I guess in posting on here I am helping to clear my head and refollow my old path and get back the tools i once had. I didnt want to post as I thought I had it cracked and felt weak somehow by asking for advice and reassurance!! how wrong was I.
    I think i am totally reacting to the adrenelin and not doing the opposite!. I need to chill out and do nothing for a while and just accept its there. Not run with it and use up all my nervous energy and exhaust myself, I guess this is what is fuelling my anxious mind and lack of sleep. actually i hve no trouble getting off ,its staying asleep thats the trouble !!!. i dont want to go back to the gp and get more tablets , as i take herbal tablets for it . Its just getting on top of me abit . Although I have stopped drinking alcohol which i was consuming far too much of, so i guess thats a good point. I havent been able to exercise due to my back problem so i cant burn any excess adrenelin off that way, and its frustrating to the point now that my thoughts are constant and becoming obesessive. Apologies i need to look at how far i have come not how far I have left to go.

    this is all very trying to me, when you feel you have dealt with it and moved on, all of a sudden its back to haunt you.xx

  367. Jo Says:

    Teresa you are so wise, it is indeed the fear of being alone. After all I have been alone before (when I was well) and nothing has ever happened then so why should it now, just because anxiety says it might. Thank you so much for your reassurance. I hope you are soon 100% yourself, you certainly have the right attitude. x

  368. Teresa Says:

    Lorry t – i was thinking of you this morning – you can see from my above post where i am – 75% physically recovered but having problems with anxiety escalating pain and making me believe I am going to be stuck with it!
    I think your post is more positive than you realise – (sometimes it takes someone else to recognise how ‘well’ you are doing) Having the back problem you had was more than enough to send anxiety spiralling, speaking from experience, I too was busy thinking I was well on the way to recovery with the anxiety before this stepped in.
    I too cannot exercise at the moment but have taken up meditation which i do find helps. You have been through quite a lot lately between the back prob and the new job – many people who do not suffer anxiety would react in a stressed way to this, so if you can just let time pass without overly concerning yourself with it. You did get through this, you have had a hiccup but I admire you that you are back in work full time – so think about that and feel ‘chuffed’ with yourself, it takes courage and guts. I think we can all be very hard on ourselves and self critical – you really sound to me like you are handling this very well. give yourself a bit more time, i’m sure things will settle – now i need to take some of my own advice!

  369. Teresa Says:

    Jo – I can see all the right ways of thinking and i understand it fully – but i am just as vulnerible as anyone else to believing the thoughts that run round my head, lol. This time will pass and you will look back on it and feel inspired by the way you faced it – I know i have in the past. And when anxiety has gone – we have nothing left to fear, so what does that say about anxiety, it consists of nothing apart from the way we think about things.

  370. elaine Says:


  371. Teresa Says:

    Hi Elaine
    I’ve been watching your positive posts and thinking how well you had done – first thing I can tell you is try not to be too impressed by any symptoms and try and carry on as much as normal as possible – this will reinorce to your mind that there is nothing to worry about – it will pass, they always do and the less respect you pay them the sooner they will leave. These set backs can sometimes come, but they go too. Think of them like weather – it changes, if it’s raining it’s raining – but the rain will move on and the sun comes back – without you doing anything.

  372. Monica Says:

    Elaine, you’ve been symptom free you said. So what has changed this time now that you’re having new symptoms? Nothing. It’s still anxiety, still the same old monster. That’s the whole point – even if bad symptoms happen after a period of relative peace the point is to become strong enough to not let these feelings get to us and to just ignore it. A lot of getting through anxiety is patience and trust – patience in waiting, even if it seems like forever, to get better, and trust in our bodies, knowing that after time it WILL heal. This is just a set back. Read through Pauls posts on it and you’ll be okay ! And Teresa, love the weather analogy!

  373. Monica Says:

    And matt, thanks for your response. I’m fine with dp, but I was just conversing with someone over how we experienced it. They said it was a general feeling throughout the day, and I’ve experienced it as sudden out of the blue feelings that I wasn’t real that it triggered a panic attack. Scary stuff.

    I have a theory about dp. When we get into a car accident or something awful happens we go into acute shock. This is a moment of such intense stress that during shock people feel out of it and unreal. I think for anxiety sufferers we experience anxiety so often after weeks or months of suffering that dp occurs as a form of chronic shock. People with acute shock get over it after a day or a few days, but when we have anxiety, the stress is there every single day, so after awhile our bodies go into a chronic shock mode. Just my two cents aha!

  374. Teresa Says:

    glad you liked the weather analogy Monica – it’s sort of borrowed off Stephen Fry, but made sense to me – although sometimes these things are better at enlightening us than others. Re DP – I believe I had DP for a good while when i first had anxiety – it is only recently I rembered ahving it and was able to identify it by the descriptions on here. It left , without a trace – one day i remember being on holiday in cornwall and having it and suddenly for no apparent reason, i just thought – nothing really to bad about this, I’m in a bubble, ok, so what – within hours it lifted and i have never seen it since – so have faith it can disappear as easily as it came . Your description of how it protects people from shock sounds very plausible. I am now re reading your words about having patience and trust and i find these words helpful too – it’s true when you find the ‘faith’ to believe that your body will ‘HEAL’ – so we are all inspiring one and other, thanks.

  375. Diane Says:

    hi all , just a question, does anyone suffer from silent/aura migraines? I get them about twice a year without the headache, but get sickness and tingly cramps and I dont know if its me or a symptom anxiety and a bit

    DP, i
    I am having one at the moment and am tryinging yo keep calm bi
    ut was wondering if anyone else gets this and how they cope ,

    thank you paul fot you words of encouragement with my presentation, it really meant a lot

    this blog ad the book nmeans a lot to me as I am sure it does other people,

    any help on this migraine thing

  376. Diane Says:

    sorry posted to quick, any help on migraines and anxiety would much be appreciated

  377. Teresa Says:

    I don’t get them – but i have a friend who gets them, just the aura and the numbness. If you have had them for a long time and you only get them about twice a year I would not worry about them – they are not nice but your anxiety is making you fret about them more. Whatever we get – and we get things just like people who do not get anxiety get, we can home into them and upset ourselves about the symptoms – i know I do it. When the migraine passes your worry about it will too. hope you feel better soon.

  378. elaine Says:



  379. Diane Says:

    Elaine and Terezia, thank you for you response, I am doing well with my recovery and then this happened and made all the old fears come to a head, I get the same as your friend the aura and numbness it has passed and I am trying not to enter into the anxiety cycle, thanks for you reasuring words x

  380. FC Says:

    I’ve learnt that with anxiety you need to accept and let yourself feel your emotions no matter how uncomfortable the are. Just accept them and stop running around in circles worrying about every single symptom or feeling. Do you think this applies to all emotions? Lets say feelings of sadness? Just let your self feel sad and just keep going? Is this also the way?
    I’m totally on my way to full recovery from anxiety, thanks to this website. I can not thank Paul enough for this. Really thank you so much from the bottom of my heart.

  381. Matt Says:

    Monica…I don’t know if I would say DP is constant shock, because the body can only last in constant shock for so long. It’s more of a defensive mechanism because it perceives danger, shuts down emotions, slows your thinking, and so on. The key is to “gradually” allow that switch to be turned back on. Almost every single person I’ve seen that recovered said they woke up one day and realized it had been a week or two since they had or thought about it, that means that the constant focus on it is what keeps you in it….period. Since i’ve been working, and being productive that weird, strange feeling has been there, but i’ve learned to just focus on things around me and, believe it or not, things are feeling less and less strange and unreal every single day. My thinking is still a little slowed, and sometimes it’s hard to focus on conversations, but just knowing that things are slowly getting better means that I will come out of it. And others are right, it’s about keeping the faith and moving on.

    Diane…ALOT of us get this, so you are definitely not alone. The symptoms vary, but it’s all the same thing. Don’t make the mistake, like I did in the beginning, that I was somehow different then everyone else and trying to convince myself that I had x,y,z disorder. It’s DP, and it isn’t serious at all, it feels serious as hell, but it really is not. Just focus on life things outside of yourself, and don’t focus on the DP and it will go away. Trust me on this.

  382. Monika Says:

    Thanks Matt! Good to know your jobs going well. That must be exciting for you
    I feel like I’m the only non – UKer here lol

  383. Joshua Says:

    Hey Bill
    Well I am in sunny California! Actually it’s about 9:30 at night so I haven’t seen it sunny yet, but I stopped on the Mojave Desert so I am quite sure it will be sunny tomorrow. Still got a long way to go to my destination about 800 miles or so. I know what you mean about long drives! Ive been driving for about 750 miles a day and does that wear me out! 850 that’s a heck of a haul in a day, I bet you were tired, i dont think I have the guts to try.I’ve gone about 2500 miles so far, this country is just too damn big, LOL.
    In all seriousness though this is just proof to me that we can put our minds to something we can do it, anxiety or not. I have had some bad anxiety on this trip, to be completely honest and the dizziness has made it rough but every bit of it was worth it, I have seen some absolutely gorgeous terrain and even if I was absolutely miserable ( and I am not, at least not any longer :) ) I still did it, across an entire continent none the less! I’m not cured but well on the way, and most people have a fear of always being this way and I say, well what if I am? I can stay inside my home and do nothing or I can keep on living regardless of what happens. Now of course we all know we won’t be this way forever, but just think what if we were? Would anyone stop living? I did that for too long and it’s time to live again even if I have to crawl on my hands an knees to get there, even if I really did have all the diseases I’ve told myself I have in a panic. If I can do this, trust me, we can do anything!

  384. Jo Says:

    Good morning all. I am so glad I found this site because everyone is so keen to help each other, and give words of comfort and encouragement. It has been such a help to me to have somewhere to come when I am up early and feeling scared. Laying in bed thinking and letting the anxiety build is not good but what else is there to do at 4 in the morning. At least I know that at some point I can come here and feel reassured. Thank you all for that.
    Joshua you are amazing to be able to do that journey. Just going shopping can be an ordeal for me, but I am trying hard to get on with my life. x

  385. Jo Says:

    Been keeping myself busy for a while on my computer but just wanted to ask this. Does anyone else get a sudden feeling of fear for no apparent reason? I don’t mean the general feeling of anxiety, but a strong wave of suddenly being over aware of yourself – fear kind of feeling. I can’t really explain it, but it’s not very nice. Thanks x

  386. sophia Says:

    Yes Jo, I too ”feel” that…

    initially before i knew i had anxiety i attached those feelings to my surroundings, people until i got engulfed with fear…scared to even look at someone and speak for a minute…
    thats when i realised its not natural to feel fear for each and every thing….
    after coming across this site got to know i suffered from anxiety and all those feelings are anxiety related…

    so dont worry its anxiety…but this over self awareness is the last thing to go i suppose..its like before getting into a particular situation mind has already picturised what its supposed to mean to us which is absolutely a ‘make of the mind’ and we believe it making our very own thoughts ”real”…

    acceptance is the key…! no point dissecting all ”why’s” and ”whats ifs”…
    we are bound to feel all that untill we completely accept it as part of us and look outward and keep ourselves busy…

    at present i dont feel any particular emotions towards people or incidents or makes me difficult to have a conversation as in when people speak with lots of love, compassion, anger, contempt…

    my feelings is just so blank..all i can feel or hear is my internal chat…
    i am just moving on..let it come when it wants…i will do what i feel is right…and no room for self pity..that feeling has drowned me with so much of negative self talk that i could hardly belive that i am capable of doing anything..but thats like any other thought…

    mind is like any other muscle…just reverse them…not easy as it sounds..but atleast thats not reality.. just a habit…!! so dont worry…hav courage…:) have a nice day!

  387. Jo Says:

    Hi sophia, thanks for replying. I have trouble with emotions too or should I say lack of them. I feel a bit empty really. The worst feeling I think is that of not belonging to what is going on around me, but I am working on just letting that be and getting on with life. Take care. x

  388. Bill Says:

    Thats brilliant Josh,very well done.My sister done that trip by bus on holiday some years ago and it took 3 weeks.I hope you complete the journey and have a really good time,and once again well done,an excellent effort.Regards,Bill.

  389. Debbie Says:

    Hi all, I’m feeling sick and anxious I’m popping in to see my boss this afternoon, she wasn’t very understanding when I left six months ago, I did leave her in the lurch tho. She text me saying if I wanted to go back just for eight hours I could when I felt ready. I’ve missed it so much, chatting to customers etc and never thought I would go back, sooooo now I’ve got my chance I’m thinking will I be ok, what if I can’t do it, perhaps I’m not ready, oh god the thoughts are going it, my boss wants me to do the ordering she never let anyone else do it so she obviously realised that she would be stuck when she went away, which she does a lot, she said she will stay in the shop and serve so I can do the ordering, which I loved doing, usually we would be alone (it’s only a little shop) which I prefer but knowing she’s there makes it worse! The annoying thing is I loved my job I want to go back eight hours a week that’s great, so why do I put myself through this nightmare of thinking! Why can’t I be excited and look forward to it?

  390. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Josh says: I’m not cured but well on the way, and most people have a fear of always being this way and I say, well what if I am? I can stay inside my home and do nothing or I can keep on living regardless of what happens. Now of course we all know we won’t be this way forever, but just think what if we were? Would anyone stop living? I did that for too long and it’s time to live again even if I have to crawl on my hands an knees to get there, even if I really did have all the diseases I’ve told myself I have in a panic. If I can do this, trust me, we can do anything!

    Excellent attitude Josh, pretty much what I said to myself one day. This is no life for me hiding away and hoping that one day I will wake up fine. From now on I am going to go and reclaim my life back and just live it and whatever happens, happens, I have no life anyway like this so what have I got to lose? That attitude will take you so far and bring so many rewards, you should be very proud of yourself.

  391. Teresa Says:

    Josh – AWESOME. Well done – keep us up to date with your trip , we are all loving it and your courage. you are an inspiration.

  392. Jo Says:

    Just got back from a shopping trip twenty miles away. A drop in the ocean compared to Joshua’s trip, but a hurdle for me. I did feel strange and weak limbed all the time, but I survived it! I have to admit though that I did keep thinking to myself ‘why do I feel so weird, I have been here dozens of times before, why can’t I just feel normal about it’
    I find that part of all this so difficult to understand.

  393. Jeff Says:

    Josh, I can relate. I just had two weeks of nothing… no anxiety symptoms whatsoever. Literally nothing. The first time I’ve felt like that since November. Yesterday it came back, but at such a low level it was very manageable and today it’s less than yesterday, so my attitude is “bring it on.” I can do this now, I know what it is and know how to handle it. Here’s the trick for me: stop thinking about WHY it is. When I begin to overexamine WHY it’s back then I begin to spiral. I’m adopting the attitude that it’s back because I’ve trained myself to respond like this and I’m now in a deep re-training phase. It’s when I think about what I did differently the day before or think I must be upset about something that it grows. No more WHY. I sometimes think “what if it never goes away” and then I think “I control my attitude towards this, I don’t have to do this to myself… I am a tough s– of a b—-.” It may seem like basic CBT, but re-training my response to it and my attitude toward it has helped a TON. Anyway, cheers, Josh. Glad to hear you’re well. Go to Yosemite. You have to, it’s the most amazing place. If you do, think about those guys who free climb those sheer walls and just be in awe at what human beings are capable of achieving when they can control fear.

  394. Joshua Says:

    Thank you for the kind words everyone, they really mean alot to me :) . I was right, it’s a beautiful sunset this morning, I’m watching the sunrise over the desert mountains this morning. Gorgeous! I wish you all were here to see this. Jo, that’s great to hear that you went shopping even though you feel wonky, i feel that way right now but I am completely ok with that. In my opinion that’s just as big a hurdle as my trip is because it’s the fear of something (symptoms, thoughts ect.) that keeps us from doing something. Like the old saying goes it’s the trip not the destination that of value. That’s great that you did it anyway!
    Once again thank you all for the support, i got a little teary eyed reading the posts, they mean alot :). Paul, you are absolutely right my friend it is the attitude that makes all the difference. See you all in Sacremento!

  395. Joshua Says:

    You are absolutely right Jeff, it doesn’t matter why we feel the way we feel. With that attitude I think you will whip this small setback in no time. Very inspiring! I will be going right by Yosamite so I will definately remember that for inspiration. Thanks, Josh

  396. Jennifer Says:

    Sophia – you make a lot of good points. If you are the same Sophia who was on her a few months ago, you are on the right road to feeling more free and healthy.

    Jo – I too think I feel a similar feeling and also wonder if I have felt that when I was younger but just accepted it as part of me. I get ‘pangs’, is the best way to describe it, of intense insecurity but you can’t put a name to it. I think it is part of being human and living in a very uncertain world and our types are more sensitive to it. I wonder what I am doing here, what we are all doing here, with life really. I just find the human condition confusing and it puzzles me how people can go around feeling normal and not questionning themselves or driving themselves mad. Anxiety is all part of it though and it makes the ride much more difficult

    ‘I think insanity is the completely normal response to life, putting it crudely!’

    I feel very hazy and on another planet today, bored of feeling so constantly tired

  397. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Jo Says:

    April 3rd, 2012 at 12:46 pm e

    Just got back from a shopping trip twenty miles away. A drop in the ocean compared to Joshua’s trip, but a hurdle for me. I did feel strange and weak limbed all the time, but I survived it! I have to admit though that I did keep thinking to myself ‘why do I feel so weird, I have been here dozens of times before, why can’t I just feel normal about it’
    I find that part of all this so difficult to understand.

    Jo whatever it is you do large or small is an acheivment and I did not rule the world in a day. I did more and more as my confiedence grew and I was able to understand fear/D.P and the reason for it’s presence, understanding helped as then I did not fear it as much.

    I think you have answered your own question Jo. you were questioning it the whole time ‘Why do I feel so weird?’ The next time have no more expectations about how you will feel, in fact go expecting to feel this way, remember it does not matter how you feel, that is the whole point, don’t question or go over it.

    Memory can be a strong habit and it is like someone getting attacked in the street one night and then having a fear of going out at night, they will feel scared and alert for a while before they start to feel more comfortable, it wont happen over night. The difference is though they will expect to feel this way and wont start questioning why, they will understand it will take time. But they will get there as long as they don’t shut off from the world, they like anxiety sufferers have to go out and reclaim their confidence by not letting it stop them living their life.

  398. Debbie Says:

    Oh well I popped in to see my boss, I sat there thinking god I can’t do this, my head was swimming, then I jumped up to help a customer as my boss was busy and all anxious thoughts went, so I’m going back after Easter for eight hours. I just thought I’m not leaving I want this job, it made it easier but the anxiety symptoms are going it so that makes me think perhaps I can’t do it, so round and round it goes! Drives me mad, why can’t I think yes I stayed there for two hours I helped out and got my little job back that’s what I wanted, I suppose it’s where I can’t get the accepting bit that’s the problem still, I’m not able to think yes I did all that and it was ok to feel anxious! All I can think is I feel wobbly so obviously not well enough to work! Very frustrating!

  399. Jo Says:

    Jennifer, that is a good word for it – pangs. I too often wonder why I am here, what’s it all about and find life in general quite difficult to fathom. I think we are just too sensitive.
    Paul, thank you for your encouragement. I know I can get over this, I have done it before, but I still find it very difficult to accept how I feel and be comfortable with it. Last time I had anti depressants to ‘cure’ me but I really don’t want to go down that road again, so this time it is harder to do it by myself.
    I can’t thank you enough for writing your book and making this website to help us all in this difficult situation. It must take an awful lot of your time, and be hard work to keep going. You are a star. x

  400. Monica Says:

    Yay so happy for you Joshua!

    Paul, is it normal when recovering to almost feel uncomfortable at no anxiety symptoms? I feel as if I’ve felt a certain way for so long that to no longer feeling that way is unsettling, lol. It’s almost like I want to go back because it’s all I feel I know…does that make sense? Thanks

  401. Jo Says:

    Debbie that is a huge acheivement, well done. It just shows we need something else to focus on rather than the fears and feelings we dwell on. Don’t worry about being wobbly, I still feel a bit that way after the shoppig trip, I am sure it will pass, and as Paul says, we are not going to get over this in a day. Give yourself a big pat on the back and enjoy what you have just accomplished. x

  402. Jo Says:

    Monica I know exactly what you mean. I said in a previous post that waking up one day to feel ‘normal’ would be just too weird in itself. It has got to be gradual. This is how it came to me after the depression, very, very slowly. x

  403. Anna Says:

    HI PAUL,

    I just wanted to say THANK YOU so much for your book and just explaining it in such a way that everyone can understand. I am so grateful for it. You have honestly saved me from A LOT of needless suffering. I Thank god everyday for allowing me to discover your book and your website. I’ve had anxiety for almost 8 months now, and I’ve made so much progress. I know that I still have anxiety at the moment, but it’s not tormenting anxiety. It is what it is, honestly. I think it’s just what’s left of the anxiety that I had a couple of months ago. Now I just experience anxiety from time to time because I know it was a habit from the anxiety that I developed during the time when it was really bad. I experienced terrible, intrusive thoughts. What many has mention on this post is correct, you simply have the repetitive thoughts because you fear it. My honest advice for everyone is, if it helps, please always refer back to Paul’s book if it’s tormenting for you. In the past, i couldn’t even read blogs or forums of people’s experiences because i was so afraid that i’d get those symptoms as well. And now, I can read most of it freely, without fearing anything. My most important advice for everyone is that, you need to “ACCEPT” the thoughts. Accept that they are there. Don’t react to them. Start developing a habit where you have the thought, recognize it, DON’T react. Once you get into this habit, the thoughts will come and go.

    Most importantly, I also pray every single day. :)

    feel free to e-mail me if you need encouragement or have any questions

    Good luck everyone, and i will pray for you too.

  404. Joe P Says:

    Hello Paul, when you say you went through bad patches in your recovery, you said you knew they would pass so that allowed you to get on with your day. But recently i have been going through a bad patch and although im not ruminating on the symtoms and just getting on with my day, it seems like a massive struggle as the fear of this new symtpon is in the background e.g. whenever the fearful thought comes into my head and the feeling it brings comes over me which is alot(just pure fear i think), one of those annoying obbessive ones again! i know deep down its silly and non-senscial and it will pass, but automatically somewhere in my conscioucness i get these thoughts like ” even if i do just let these feelings be there, becuase i still fear them, they will remain with me”.
    Its just feels like im putting up with these fears at the moment, although im avoiding the temptation to try to solve and worry about them which i know will only make me worse, that temtpation still lingers as i still fear them.

    It feels like if i take some time to understand them better, then it may make my fear of them a little less, so my days won’t be such a struggle.

    What should i do? Just ignore put them under the bracket of anxiety and get on with it and as i start to get on with it, i will gradually lose the fear of it or take a sometime to understand which may make living with them more easier?

    I think i just need to trust in myself more at this stage and get on with lmy ife, im sure this phase will pass

    Sorry to be negative but recently ive been having lots of good days and bad days actually compared to how i am feeling now mostly good days. Its just this new setback which started only two days seems to be one of the worst. Eventhough i know my new fear is anxiety based, and thats all! Somepart of me, still fears these new worry. Which I fear will prolong this setback further. Its been a very frustating few days.

  405. Joe P Says:

    Understand them*

  406. Teresa Says:

    Monica – when I was recovering I felt that loss, almost like something was missing. I know i sound like i have forgotten it all now – but i was feeling a lot better last summer (health problems have knocked me back) – i did have that feeling of my brain almost searching for what was supposed to be wrong – its a habit, it will drop. i also had flashes of things that were supposed to frighten me but they were really quick and like edited highlights – they did not provoke anything worse – sounds to me like you are nearly there.

  407. Will Says:

    Joe –
    I get that a lot too. I sometimes have strange fearful thoughts that run through my mind. In my case it’s often the fear of going mad or developing schizophrenia. And I do the same thing of trying to figure out these thoughts, hoping that when I stumble upon the reason behind why I have them, they will go away. But honestly, the best way IS to just continue living your life and, most importantly, not reacting to your thoughts. What really opened my eyes is reading about what Paul once said about the key difference between normal people and anxiety sufferers, how when normal people get these thoughts, they go “oh well” and carry on.

    I’m that sort of person who, if I stumble upon something related to a fear, that’s it – it’s in my head for a day or two at best. The schizophrenia one happened recently, where I accidentally stumbled upon a comment on this thread about schizophrenia developing in late teens and early twenties. I don’t know if I read this wrong, but the first thing that came into my head was “I’m in that age category, so I might develop it”. Of course it’s nonsense, but I feel as though I’m just waiting for symptoms to happen (voices in my head, etc.) when really I know deep down it’s just my anxiety intensifying the thought of developing it.

  408. Monica Says:

    Will, was probably one of my biggest fears. I got so worked up over it one day, the memory is still crystal clear in my head. It’s funny how you mentioned that it ‘develops in late teens and early twenties’ because that is exactly why I was so scared. I feared I’d start hearing voices or whatever, so if I heard a tiny sound and didn’t know immediately where it came from I’d assume it was me losing it until I could find out the source for the noise. I honestly used to cry over this and now I see how I was just so consumed by my fear it was terrible! We get a small idea in our heads and think that it will happen.
    Anyways, some days this fear takes over again…but mostly I’m just able to breathe and let it go and get on with life.

  409. Anna Says:

    Hi Paul,

    I had left a detailed message earlier on this blog and I was wondering why it did not get published? Was there something wrong that I had posted?

    I just wanted to Thank you for your book and everything..but I hope I did not write anything wrong…thank you..

  410. DCYL Says:


    In my early days, I went through a gamut of fears or anxiety. I was afraid of being alone. I remember thinking “if I’m alone, I might do something to myself”. Even when I went back to work, I started taking solo walks (which weren’t easy), I had fears of being next to water (“what if I jump in?”).

    In any case, as you see, it’s a lot of “what ifs”. As I look back now, it was just fueled by anxiety or adrenaline. THe body is just trying to protect you but in reality, we know nothing will happen. We are just magnifying thoughts to the extreme.

    Takes time to settle down and get better, but you will get there eventually.

  411. Evelyn Says:


    Where exactly are u going or should I saying are u in California? I am in the wonderful los angeles:)

  412. Evelyn Says:

    Hello all

    Been having great weeks:) not here as often.. I guess that’s a great thing! I feel very proud of coming such a long way.. I had a rough month to my job pressuring me to make my quota. And thank god we pulled it through.. I’ve managed to respect myself and give my body the rest it needs.. exercise, yoga, walks, massages..etc and most of all a change of attitude! MAN I TELL U THAT’S THE NUMBER ONE HEALER .. please believe in yourself and know it will get better .. just have faith.. and time will make things fall into place :)

    Best wishes to all

  413. Monica Says:

    Thanks Evelyn. Motivating words :) especially tonight when im in bed and anxiety is also with me. I’ve had to pee 4 times since lying down! Does anyone else experience frequent urination when anxious lol?

  414. Jo Says:

    Monica when I was at my worst with this anxiety and even more so in my depression I wanted the loo constantly. It was like an obsession. i even had to have a bucket at the side of my bed as I was sure I wouldn’t make it to the toilet! What an admission LOL
    It’s clear from all the posts that it is fear which is our biggest enemy. In my normal state I am strong and confidant but in anxiety mode everything is frightening. Going out, being alone, losing control, even watching certain tv programmes. My main fear at present is for the future and not being able to cope. I am fairly sure this has been brought on by watching my Mum slowly deteriorate from a strong woman to spending her last months helpless in hospital. I know she was 90 but she never seemed old till the last year. I can’t get the image of the last time I saw her from my mind, and I fear this is what lies ahead for me.

  415. Teresa Says:

    Hi Jo – that is understandable, its a rational fear that will fade in time. I have seen this close up too. We none of know what our future will hold – Helen once said a few weeks ago actually that people without anxiety get all the same problems that people with anxiety get, the only difference is they don’t catastrophise them, they get on with them – we have to, all of us with or without anxiety. She had anxiety for a long time and said that life became a lot simpler without anxiety, she just does what she has to do everyday – no worrying about it just getting on with it. I found her post to be very enlightening – hope it helps you too. Try to focus on things that are happening now – not in the long distant future, we do not have crystal balls.

  416. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Anna Says:

    April 4th, 2012 at 2:31 am e

    Hi Paul,

    I had left a detailed message earlier on this blog and I was wondering why it did not get published? Was there something wrong that I had posted?

    Anna as it was your first post it went into moderation and needed trimming a little. I have taken out your email, as trust me leaving it around the internet will get you spammed more times than you can count. Also I have just left intrusive thoughts instead of a list of what they were, as this can be less scary for others to read.

  417. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Monica Says:

    April 3rd, 2012 at 4:50 pm e

    Yay so happy for you Joshua!

    Paul, is it normal when recovering to almost feel uncomfortable at no anxiety symptoms? I feel as if I’ve felt a certain way for so long that to no longer feeling that way is unsettling, lol. It’s almost like I want to go back because it’s all I feel I know…does that make sense? Thanks

    Oh yes very common, this is what others call no mans land, as though you are in the middle of recovery and that is really what it is, the transition period to going back to the old you, but you are not quite there yet.

    People often say they want to go back in a way as that is all they know and this sort of odd in the middle stage is new territory and they feel vunerable. The reason is that feeling odd started to feel normal, so feeling normal now feels odd as it is a little alien to you. I had this and it soon passed once feeling normal started to feel normal again.

    Hope that makes sense and trust me when it does feel normal you will never want to go back :-)

  418. Joe P Says:

    Hello Will and DCYL, thanks so much for replies, I know this new fear is just purely anxiety trying its best to protect me, its just so annoyingly overprotective at times. I was getting really good at dismissing thoughts a few months ago, but i think in the last three months i have occasionally forgotten what ive learned and let anxious habits trick me into believeing somethings.Well, no more, I know its game well enough now, so today after i get my essay finished im going to write down a list of all things i want to achieve and do this summer, because i am not letting anxiety put a stop on my life, im going to have no expectations to how feel, if i feel crap and scared for ages, while i do what i want, i dont really care as i atleast im living my life doing what i want.
    Iam sick of anxiety dictating my life to a certain extent, no more! And will thats exacrly right about how normal people react differently, i used too and i would just get on with it, not pay it a moment more for than moment.
    Thanks again you two!

  419. lorryt Says:

    hi Theresa

    Thankyou for your post. It is really hard to get on and not overconcern yourself with these things. At times it is hard to take your own advice, as i give advice to my hubby about it all as he is suffering after a bout of severe depression and other mental health issues. I guess I should cut myself some slack, but it seems its all i ever do at the moment. If i keep saying to myself don’t be too hard and expect too much it feels i am not addressing this. after reading this sentence I realise there is nothing to address, and just to let things go. I am also aware that the medication can effect how you are too. One thing I will say is I went to a pilates lesson last nite for 1 hour and I came home quite calm and had an excellent nights sleep. Although today I am fuzzy headed, probably coz I slept well and im not used to it !!!. Off I go again analyzing stuff!.
    Theresa, I guess what I am trying to say is just to manage to get out of bed in the mornings and do what we do is a major yeh for us !. let alone cope with pain etc. So yes, listen to what you say . we have come along way and have had to find alternative ways to cope with stuff in life. By being on here we are showing we are intelligent enough to do this and we want to recover no matter what. So give yourself a pat on the back (carefully though !!) and take some credit for your recovery and look forward. you have certainly given me reassurance and confidence and some great advice to get me back on the road, for which I thankyou. we will get there.xxxx

  420. Teresa Says:

    Hi Lorryt – yes we have come a long way. Pilates is supposed to be very good, exercise does help, I’m having physio and have to do exercise. I am getting better, it’s a sort of confusing road sometimes because of the anxiety – last week was feeling really rough with it and then after a mood change saw it leave me, so that was anxiety. Other times I know full well it’s part of the normal sensitivity of having a healing back – but i’m trying not to decipher one from the other now. just sticking to doing what i’ve been told to do and moving foward in the hope it will all die back when there is nothing to provoke my anxiety.
    It is hard keeping positive when you are low but must be harder when your partner is suffering from it too – I think you are being very strong and positive. you may not judge yourself in the same way but we are often hard on ourselves. someone told me i would not judge a friend the way I judge myself, i would have more compassion. I am so pleased I have been of help to you – I know how much of a lift it can be when someone understands propely and listens propely and then says something meaningful – its what this blog is all about. I think we have both experienced how good recovery is – and we knew how to get there, this is a blip – like people without anxiety get – not a nice blip but part of life. We’ll ride this one and be back on that road again. Take care.

  421. Will Says:

    Something I forgot to mention earlier relating to my going mad/developing schizophrenia phobia… Has anyone else ever had a thought, and then another thought just seems to speak in response? For example, I came across an unfinished drawing and thought to myself “I don’t think I’ll ever get round to finishing that”, and then another thought immediately responded with “Why not?”, as if it spoke in response to the first one. I’m not jumping to conclusions and saying that this thought was another personality or separate entity, I’ve just always found this a little weird.

  422. Jo Says:

    Will, I think everyone does that, anxiety or not. I know I do. I sometimes have conversations in my head and wonder if that’s normal, but I’m fairly certain it is a common occurence. I think the fact that you are questioning these thoughts is proof that you are not going mad or developing schizophrenia.
    With me it’s the hyper awareness that is a problem. Sometimes I look down at my hands/feet and wonder ‘is this me’ ‘Am I real’.
    I think it’s just anxiety manifesting itself in different ways.

  423. Debbie Says:

    Hi ya Will I get thoughts like u mentioned when I’m having one of those days, I think it was u a few posts back that said about seeing or reading something can trigger u off thinking could u be the same, I’ve read an article about some other mental health illness then worried constantly if I could be like it, or we could visit somewhere and all I can think is the last time I was here I was really poorly with anxiety, not how nice the place was then it would start my thoughts off.
    I also think am I going crazy, I’m sure a lot of people do with anxiety cos your mind feels out of control and the more u try and calm it the worse it gets, u want to run away but u can’t cos it’s always with u. It’s very frustrating when u read how people have recovered cos u so desperately want to be the same.
    Also, when I had a 3 year anxiety free spell at first I felt lost I didn’t know who I was without the anxiety, I almost wanted it back cos it felt weird, but then that seemed to go and I just loved the free feeling that took over me, I try to remember those feelings but it’s so hard when u feel so bad and u have the disappointment as well, not just for myself but for the family as well, it’s very hard for them too.

  424. Zoe Broadbent Says:



    Love Zoe!


  425. emma Says:

    Hi, i am 34 years old and looking for some advice. about 10 weeks ago, i suffered with vertigo, for the 2nd time in the last couple of years, only this time i got freaked out by it and this brought on panic and anxiety (so the GP says). I admit that when i would go out, i would think i was going to collapse, have a stroke or that i was suffering from a brain tumour. I started to work from home, I am a legal secretary and i am lucky that my company are very understanding. i have had a head CT carried out, and nothing is wrong with my brain/head. i thought after hearing that, i would start to feel a bit better. But i was wrong.

    I returned back to the office yesterday for the first time in 7 weeks, and it was very difficult. I managed to stay all day, and when I came home, i felt pretty yukky. I have been again today, and today was harder than yesterday, i really struggled to stay, kept going dizzy, feeling like my head wasn’t on my shoulders which then made me have little bits of panic where my heart races and i go really hot and sweaty for a few seconds.

    What I am concerned about is, is this normal to suffer with these funny heads with anxiety or is there something else going on? i wake up in the morning, for the first hour i feel fine, then i can feel the heads starting to come on. i feel like i have brain fog, I have to do audio typing at work and can’t concentrate on the screen for long periods as when i look up i go dizzy. i have had my eyes tested, they were fine, i have been given medication for vertigo, i have been given medication for anxiety but after only taking one tablet, the side effects put me off completely. I dont ever have a day where i dont have these funny heads and its constant throughout the day. Its not like they go off either when i am in the safety of my own home, they just carry on all the time.

    I seriously dont know what to do, i have Paul’s book, i have paul’s iphone APP but i just can’t seem to get my head round how to try and get myself better. i try telling myself, its ok, nothign bad is going to happen, the heads will go off, you aren’t going to get vertigo again and i am not going to collapse, i tell the feellings of anxiety to come, as whatever its wants to do it can it wont stop me doing what i am doing but it just doesn’t seem to be improving.

    I am concerned that i am going to be stuck with this constant funny head feeling forever, forever feeling dizzy and having brain fog, this can’t go on with my work either. Can someone please advise me?

  426. Andy S Says:

    This is my first post on this blog. Paul, your words and book have helped me alot!

    I’ve had a rough few months but know it will pass. Just got to ride the storm. The trick is to live life as you would no matter how bad you feel…… easier said than done but once you do it, it feels amazing.
    I am too in California, I went to a Laker game last night which was very hard for me. I did it and nothing bad happened, it never does! I felt anxious the full evening but so what…… Every time we expose ourselves to our fears they become less and less powerful.
    I’ll fill you in with my full story when I get chance but I’m off to carry on living and getting on with my day even though I don’t feel great.



  427. Will Says:

    Thanks, Monica, Debbie and Jo. Yeah, this is a prime example of my tendency to overthink everything. But when you’re anxious, it’s very hard NOT to listen to those thoughts.

  428. Jo Says:

    Will, I agree entirely, it is very ,very hard not to listen, but like everything else it will come with practise. What you said about your unfinished drawing hit a chord with me too. I used to be into art and crafts a great deal but I find now I just can’t do it anymore and It worries me it will be lost forever. In my heart I know it will come back because I did some of my best paintings after the depression,so have faith you WILL finish that drawing one day.

    Debbie don’t worry for your family, I am sure they are dealing with it better than you imagine. My husband understands better for reading Pauls book and often reminds me of what I’m supposed to do if he catches me overthinking (he always knows)Just be honest with them about how you are feeling.

  429. Will Says:

    Jo, thanks for the advice, but the unfinished drawing isn’t an issue at all. It was just something I was thinking about and a strange, completely different thought came into my head. I’ve no problems with drawing – I’m an illustration student at uni – it was just that I happened to have a strange unrelated thought. :)

  430. Jo Says:

    Sorry about the misunderstanding Will. I would put a smiley in but I don’t know how! Illustration student sounds like a good thing to be, good luck with that.

  431. Will Says:

    Lol it’s ok, it was easy to assume the drawing was the issue.
    Thanks very much :) And best wishes with your paintings, I’ve never been good with paint myself!
    Oh and to put a smiley, you just put a colon followed by a close-bracket. It turns into a smiley when you post. :)

  432. Teresa Says:


  433. Teresa Says:

    Had to try it – you learn something everyday!

  434. Doreen Says:


  435. Doreen Says:

    Gosh, I did it too. Thanks Will. Hope you are smiling yourself after what sounds like a tough battle with your thoughts. No way do you have a serious mental illness. you are funny, lucid and sane.

  436. Matt Says:

    monica…yeah, I live in the states and feel like the only non-Uker but it doesn’t matter, anxiety affects all similarly whatever country we’re from. I’m doing a lot better as of late, don’t even notice the dp that much anymore. It’s kind of a fleeting thing then an all day thing like it was. I feel great, the thing is that I had to do volunteer work for school at this particular business. While I was there I was fine the whole time, but, and I don’t mean to sound egocentric or stuck on myself, but i’m a good looking guy and these people at this place was trying to set me up with this woman that works there, and it’s my first day!! It kinda threw me for a loop, because I am going through a divorce, haven’t been with anyone in over a year and this woman seems interested in me, but it got me thinking, “am I ready for something like this?” And I can’t answer that question, I have a fear of dating because of my current condition and that fear popped up during all this.

    I know I can sustain a relationship, but it’s hard with all this extra anxiety baggage right now. I’d rather get over all this first before pursuing a woman. Anyone else have these kinds of problems?

  437. Matt Says:

    Nobody, and I mean NOBODY has gone crazy or developed schizophrenia from anxiety. If you have those thoughts you have to see them for what they really are, nonsense running through your mind. Sometimes I have weird, nonsensical thoughts that I get confused about, like is this me thinking this or anxiety? Regardless, it was formed by a bad habit in the first place, they don’t happen near as often, but the point is that you have to think the opposite of what anxiety is telling you. Anything can set us off on a particular thought or symptom because anxiety is the “what if” disease. We then run around in circles in our mind trying to figure everything out, it’s pointless and needs no investigating, it’s just a thought caused by adrenalin or your own fears, that’s it. Now, once you create that habit of thinking a thought based in fear or whatever, it takes time to change the patterns because “you” started the habit. Once I understanded that, all fearful thoughts and junk in my head ceased to exist over time. When I would get the thoughts, I knew it was false because I knew how it originated to begin with.

  438. Evelyn Says:


    I experience that all the time.. months back I even thought I had a urine infection .. and of course, I didn’t. Lol. Let’s just throw under the umbrella of anxiety .. as Paul says:)

  439. Evelyn Says:


    Everyone gets those conversations.even people with out anxiety, the thing about them is they don’t pay any mind to it and move on with their day! I remember one day my best Friend did the same thing u mentioned but out loud and didn’t think anything of it.. I thought wow if that were me I totally would have freaked out! I remember asking her and she said yea Evelyn I talk to myself all the that’s when I started to understand that anxiety can trick you.. ur not going crazy.. I use to feel like that alll the time just take the fear out of that felling and I promise it will leave:)

  440. Monika Says:

    Matt I’m living in Canada myself. Just feels like I miss all these comments because of the time-zone difference sometimes. And yes I know what you mean about the relationship thing. It’s like do you wait till your better? Or is it good for you to go out and date when you are in this place…And I really don’t know :\ If someone comes along now I guess I’ll just go with it, but I’m not out there looking. Haven’t really thought about this much. Hmm
    And thanks Evelyn! I think I’ll just cut back on the tea before I go to bed aha

  441. Rachel Says:

    Hi Paul-
    I tried to post two things the other day but maybe the moderator took them down?

  442. Rachaelmcc Says:

    Hello All…
    This is my first post on here. Firstly just to say recovery is definitely possible. I have suffered on and off with Anxiety since i was 17. I’m now 32. Sometimes you have setbacks but you always will get out the other side stronger. Just some advice really. Is anybody here pregnant? I found out yesterday that i am 5 weeks pregnant. I have a 5 year I’d son and already but he was considered a miracle as i have a heart shape womb… almost impossible to concieve???? I’m totally in shock. But for the past few weeks i’ve been feeling quite low and have been having bouts of panic attacks. This must be due to the change in hormone levels? I’m so scared at the moment. i’m worried i cannot get through the next 8months or that my anxiety will get much worse or i’ll developepost natal depression or something more sinister. i feel so guilty for feeling so negative but impossible unnerved by it all. Please help xx

  443. Jo Says:

    Hi all, lots of positive comments on here. Sometimes I think everyone else is so much stronger than me – going to work, uni,job interviews and big trips away when the thought of going to the shops on my own feels scary and weird to me. The London trip is getting closer and I spend part of the day looking forward to it and feeling I can do it, but first thing when I wake up and feel really anxious I begin to doubt myself. It’s strange but there is a certain part of the day when I suddenly feel relaxed and all the anxious stuff drifts away. :)
    Hope the smiley works

  444. Monica Says:

    Hey Jo. It’s not about comparing yourself to others. We post on here to just talk about how we are feeling and what’s going on. But everyone is at a different place and may not be pouring out their concerns here. Heck I could write a blog post on all my symptoms but I say naw ill just post the good stuff. It makes me feel better i think lol . Don’t get discouraged! You CAN go on this trip. What is the worst that will happen to you? You won’t die, get a heart attack or anything. You’ll just feel uncomfortable – and u can live with that. Youre a lot stronger than you think. And when you get back you’ll be proud of yourself.
    Im still not as strong as I’d like to be. I think we all on here have those moments where we just think I can’t take this anymore. But we keep on keepn on. For the past week I’ve been having insomnia. Can’t fall asleep till 3 or 4… Or later. Usually I’d get worked up, but I’m using the time to lie in bed and reflect – put in some relaxation CDs and some meditation. I get so sleepy and calm but just can’t get into the sleep state. Bla anyways it will pass.
    Hope all is well xxx

  445. Jo Says:

    Thanks Monica, I know all you are saying is true. I think it just helps to share the worries. I have the opposite problem to you. I go to sleep too early,aound 8-9pm, and then I’m awake from 3-4am,stewing :)
    It sounds like you are doing all the right things anyway with your attitude. Have a good day. x

  446. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Go Theresa :-) :-)

    Rachel I have not seen anything and if they were deleted your post above would not appear as any deleted posts make the next post appear for moderation, so that’s strange. I moderate most of the blog myself, but if I can’t get on for a few days I have someone else do it for that period. I do moderate it quite strictly and there are certain things I keep off here and some may dislike me for not letting certain things through, but I do it for the benefit of everyone and what makes the place what it is as I don’t want another forum type place. But I am sure 95% of people on here can say they have never seen a post or part of a post not let through.

  447. Monika Says:

    Oh that’s awful Jo! If I wasn’t in university and didn’t have 3pm classes that allowed me to sleep in until 11 or 12 am I’m pretty sure I’d just die, lol. I would not be able to handle this lack of sleep plus having to get up at 7 or 8 am.

  448. Doreen Says:

    Actually Jo is having about 7 hours sleep which isn’t at all bad. The problem is that it is at the wrong time. I try to stay up until 11 or 12 and then probably get about 6 hours sleep which is an improvement on when I was waking up at 5am. I long for the time when I wake up and then just nod off again maybe even until 9am. Bliss

  449. Emma Says:

    I posted earlier yrsterday, could someone advise me please!

  450. Debbie Says:

    Do I don’t I? Would really appreciate your opinions…. Since I saw my boss about going back to work just for 8 hours a week I have felt more anxious my thoughts r going it and I feel as tho I’ve had an electric shock. I want to go back it’s just to give it a go but am I ready, or is it the anxiety playing mind games with me, all I keep thinking is will it make me worse? How will I cope? What if I get really anxious and on and on it goes! I loved my little job it gave me a purpose and a little pocket money!

  451. Monica Says:

    I believe you can do it Debbie! I hope you do. It will be okay. And I think you’ll find it will help you to get back working again.

    I’m not going to be on here for awhile. I think I need to take a break from doing any sort of anxiety related stuff on the internet. I think it is important that I do that…I hope everyone has a great weekend. Happy Easter! xx

  452. Jeff Says:

    Matt… not the ONLY non-UKer here:) I have absolutely been experiencing exactly what you’re talking about when it comes to dating. I split from a sixteen year relationship in November (which is the cause of all this, btw) and have been on some dates. One girl I went out with I really liked, but on our date I was in a complete state the entire time and had to take a pill to keep it together. That was over a month ago but we still talk and it looks like we’re going to try again. She’s great, and if I weren’t in such a weird place with all that has happened to me she would be perfect for me, but I am scared to death that if we go out again all the bad feelings and panic will come back. I am really apprehensive about it, but I feel as if I can’t let the strangeness of this condition (or whatever it is) keep me from opportunity. First of all I can’t be hung up on the past forever and secondly if it comes back while we’re on the date “oh well,” she knows about it because I told her (which is probably a huge red flag for a potential mate but I like to be up front and honest) and there will always be other opportunities down the road. I say go for it, Matt, life’s too short. Have fun, it might be just what you need.

  453. Evelyn Says:

    Hi emma

    If ur test were good them chances are its anxiety .. anxiety symptoms can lingerfor weeksago and that’s due to ur body still being sensitive to the scare u just had.. just relax and don’t feed it with more fear.. I remember once I got sooo dizzy. I thought I was really dieing.. went to the e.r and sure enough it was just anxiety. I know its not easy having emma believe me.. I was once in ur shoes.. anxiety and its symptoms will leave just ad soon as u tale the fear out of it:) that I can gaurentee u… just be patient and carry on

  454. Rachel Says:

    Thanks Paul! Last time I tried to post, it said it was awaiting approval, then it disappeared, but this last time I was able to post right away. Weird! Anyways, I’m glad I can now join the discussion.

    First, I just wanted to say thank you. In my 20 years of anxiety (I’m 32 now), I have never found such helpful and on the mark information. Seriously Paul, thanks for your wisdom, support and encouragement to all of us here. You give the BEST advice :).

    I really try to practice having an attitude of not caring if anxiety is there or not and I find that training your mind to stop when you have the “what ifs” really does help. Like you said, telling yourself, “I don’t worry about that anymore, I don’t do that,” and move on. I love that and it works! Even if I have to tell myself that a hundred times a day when worries about future events/interviews/dinners/etc come up.

    My question is – when I am actually in the moment, let’s say at an important work meeting where the lights are very bright and all eyes are on me in the room and I feel clammy and dizzy, how do I truly not care when I feel so awful? I get it in theory but have trouble having 100% faith in my body when I just feel like passing out. You know?

    One more thing I thought I’d share that might help everyone – my therapist said to visualize an object like the wind-up monkey that claps as anxiety. It’s always there but you don’t care and almost laugh at it because it’s silly and non-important and you have better things to worry about. It will wind itself down when it wants and if it doesn’t then who cares, it’s your little buddy and you’re cool with it there. Another visualization is a shovel, if you are having a what-if moment, don’t even pick the shovel up, see it and leave it there and let it go, move on with your day. Another way it could be used – If you feel anxious, imagine throwing down a shovel/object and tell yourself- forget this, I’m not letting this bother me, it’s so not a big deal! Throw it with force and blow it off.

    Last thing – has anyone found meditation to really work? What kind and how long per day?

    Thanks! Sorry this is a lot!

  455. Rachel Says:

    Jeff – remember to try not caring how you are coming across to your date (which is hard because that’s what dates are – judging one another). I’m sure she’s probably wrapped up in her own mind thinking about how she is coming across to you.

    Take that pressure off yourself and don’t care how you sound or worry about what she thinks of you or embarrassing yourself or looking weird if you do get the panicky feelings. I know it’s easiest said then done. I think a strong root in all of this is the fear/concern/focus on how we think others are perceiving us. If we drop that, then that’s half the battle I think.

  456. DCYL Says:

    It’s been a while since I had a question. This is more for a friend than me but I’m curious too. A while ago, my friend (who really has supported me with my situation) had an anxiety attack or an obsessive / compulsive moment. She apparently could not leave her house as she checked / double checked and triple checked something. It was quite scary though she sounded ok. She mentioned tonight she had some of the same thing again.

    I’m curious if this is an anxiety symptom? She seems to be ok (from talking to her), so perhaps it’s just a temporary thing. She realizes she’s been a little stressed so trying to take it easy.

    Thoughts appreciated on this.

  457. Teresa Says:

    Rachael – the lady expecting a baby, there have been LOADS of people on here who have been anxiety sufferers who have been recovering and expecting. In fact one who was here a lot and helped so many people including myself was Candy – she went through pregnancy and afterwards into full recovery. Hope that helps.

  458. Jo Says:

    Monica I hope you have stayed long enough to read this. I totally understand you needing some time away from the anxiety stuff and would just like to thank you for the help and support you have given me. Have a happy Easter yourself. xx

  459. Jo Says:

    A quick question. Does anyone else go really cold with an anxiety moment? I know when a bad moment is coming because i go stone cold and can’t get warm for some time. Thanks

  460. Jo Says:

    Emma I feel for you because I have been there, and it’s not a nice place to be. I would say almost certainly it is all anxiety based. At my worst I was at A&E on several occasions. I lost count of the times a panic attack made me believe I was going mad or dying or both, but that never happened. The more frightened you get, the worse the symptoms become, so try to let go of the fear. Believe me I know how difficult that is! Telling yourself something and actually believing it is extremely difficult, but it comes eventually. I am still struggling with it, but every now and again it works. Don’t try too hard, take baby steps, little by little.You can’t cure all the symptoms at once or in a short time, as Paul says. Just give yourself time to realise it’s ok to feel bad, it’s not a crime.
    My son suffers vertigo but his medication helps. He also suffers anxiety which is not related to the vertigo, but he copes very well. When I asked him how he copes he said ‘I just ignore it’. I wish I could, but as my son says, no one can teach you how to do that, it has to come from you. It will eventually, but like everything else it takes practise. Everyone on here understand your fear, so take heart, it WILL get better, it just takes time. x

  461. Joshua Says:

    Hi Evelyn
    Right now I am San Francisco and loving it!I have been all over California this past week but i havent made it to LA and have to leave for home Sunday. :( I have been having a great time and I have to say you live in a beautiful state! Next time I come I will have to visit LA, and we should meet and get lunch!

  462. Joshua Says:

    Oh by the way Matt I am from North Carolina, I think we got a good bit of people in the states on the board. I thought I was the only one for a while too, lol

  463. Emma Says:

    Thanks for replies, it’s so hard, I went to work and I say there all day, constantly swivelling in my chair, and then went for a meal and was rocking in my chair!!! I look mental but I can’t help it! I can cope with the panicky feeling, it’s the dizziness and funny heads I am struggling with, I tell myself to not pay it any attention etc and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. Is it normal to have these funny heads all day? Should it not just start when I feel anxious? All this because of vertigo and now I feel like everything is changing :-(

  464. Rachaelmcc Says:

    Thank you Teresa,
    That is comforting to know. Everything just seem to be magnified at the moment. It was a shock finding out that i was pregnant after such along time. I was almost on the road to recovery, Just went back to work 7 months ago.. The situation has just knocked me sideways.

  465. Teresa Says:

    It has shocked you but it will be a wonderful journey to recovery – be kind to yourself, there are plenty on here who have had succesful recoveries through pregnancy and it has been the turning point for them. Remember slow and steady wins the race – and at the end you’ll have a new life too. Once some of the others who have gone through it on here pick up on you they too will tell you that it recovery happens when you’re having a baby too. It will all be fine – try to relax. good luck.;)

  466. Evelyn Says:

    Hey joshua
    Im so happy ur having a blast! Yes we’ll definitely do lunch next time:)

  467. DCYL Says:

    I thought I mentioned before but I am a california person as well (SF Bay Area).

  468. Jo Says:

    Paul, do you think that my desire for art and crafts will come back. Right now I am afraid I have lost it forever. I can make myself go and do a bit of papercraft or sewing that needs to be done, but some how I can’t feel the enjoyment I used to. I haven’t even been able to pick up my paintbrushes or pencils for a while and I know it’s no good trying to force myself to do it, because nothing comes from it. It is the feeling that I WANT to do it that has gone. I shop, get meals ready, walk the dog etc but all that is a bit like being on automatic pilot too. It’s just the things I used to find pleasurable that i now seem to have no interest in. Thank you .

  469. Teresa Says:

    Jo – I can assure you it will come back – I spend most of my life involved in painting and creating. i have had some lost times with anxiety and recently i have had some ‘hollow’ times which have been triggered by a health prob and then exaggerated by anxiety. don’t force yourself, accept it will come back – what you can do is just introduce yourself to the situation. don’t make a big deal out of it, potter if you can – if it becomes too much of an issue go and do something else – you’ll be drawn back to it, maybe not today or tomorrow – but it will call you. Anxiety is about taking tiny steps towards recovery in order to give yourself confidence and self belief – if you think of recovery as a scales just keep adding a couple of grains to the positive side from the negative side and take it slowly. I know how hard it is, I know all the answers and yet find it difficult too but it is the way foward.

  470. Jo Says:

    Thank you Theresa. I am just having an ‘off’ day I think,feeling a bit fuzzy and letting the anxious thoughts get the better of me. I find it very difficult when I think back to the positive person I used to be, it’s almost like being two different people. I want to get out of this ‘box’ I’m in but just can’t seem to punch through. I know everyone on here understands and that is why it is so good to be able to come on and unburden, because no one is going to judge or say ‘stop whinging’. Your words have given me some comfort. x

  471. Teresa Says:

    I know how hard it is – we all understand, you are not whinging. I too am a very positive person when not clouded by the anxiety cloud – but the positive thing is that we do see glimpses of that positivity – and when we do it reminds us ,I know how hard it is when it disappears again and how hard we try to fight to find it – even when we know that is not the way – but bit by bit we start to do things differently. We may often doubt ourselves (and come here for reassurance) – we may fly for a bit and then fall a bit, but we will move foward with understanding and acceptance. I know that ‘box’ – i really do – but it is an imaginary ‘box’ I understand that too, so for now lets make a door in it. Get some paint or craft stuff out, don’t force yourself to make anything – just tidy your stuff or play around with it – have a look at some art and ideas on the internet, stuff that you like and just let your mind have a little freedom – have a go. you don’t have to ‘do’ anything but just be a child and play. Let me know how you get on. x

  472. Jo Says:

    Thanks Theresa, I will try that,it sounds like a good idea to just play rather than trying to do something specific. I think that has been my trouble in trying to think of a subject to paint that I would enjoy doing.
    I have had a yukky morning but going to take the dog out next for a bit of (cold) fresh air even if I don’t feel like it. Her tail wags so much it makes you feel happy just to see her. It had been good to ‘talk’ to you. Hope you are having a good day. x

  473. Will Says:

    Hi everyone, I hope everybody’s doing well.

    Today my anxiety levels have gone up again. This is because at 3:00am tomorrow morning, I’ll be going on holiday with my family. The reason for anxiety is my fear of not being able to sleep tonight, therefore being forced to stay awake until tomorrow night. Let me take a moment to tell of what happened last year.

    Last year I couldn’t sleep before we left the house at 1:00am to go on holiday, and as a result I was awake for at least 40 hours in total. Let me explain that I’ve never been too good with sleeping, so I just lay there waiting to go to sleep the night before we left, but I couldn’t. Only once we left the house did I start to feel tired, but I couldn’t drop off. This is mostly due to me not being able to sleep on transport (in this case minibus, plane and coach), and once I got to the hotel… I still couldn’t sleep. I felt exhausted but not tired anymore. Everything seemed unreal and like a dream, and I felt like I was on the verge of a panic attack or some form of breakdown. That afternoon I tried to nap but I was awoken by a night terror (at least that’s what I think it was). And later that night, my mind felt like it was overloading with racing thoughts and images.

    I imagine the reason I’m anxious right now is because I’m afraid of that happening again over the next 48 hours. I don’t know whether to make myself sleepy so I can sleep tonight (but scared to do so in case I can’t sleep again) or to keep myself alert and awake.

  474. Debbie Says:

    Jo, I find doing my craft hobbies keeps my mind occupied, especially with sewing I have to focus so there’s no room for anything else! Sometimes it’s quite hard to get going but once I start it’s almost an escape.
    I’m going back to work tues so I’m constantly thinking can I do it, perhaps I’m not ready, but I keep trying to swap those thoughts to positive ones, like I want my little job back etc etc, the negative thoughts seem to be the stronger ones, so it’s frustrating I think I don’t believe the positive ones that’s the problem.
    Also I’m trying to tell myself that anybody would feel anxious going back to work, especially to the place that knocked me over the edge (I was held up by knifepoint in a robbery), I did work there for six months after that happened, but I think I took on more and more work to cover up how I was feeling, the stiff upper lip bit.
    I’ve just had my anti depressants changed so getting used to them is hard my head feels bombed out and I’m quite shaky so I’m a bit worried about that too, some have said I’m not ready but when would u be ready I could go on saying that then it would get even harder to go back the longer I leave it, or miss my chance of going back altogether.
    Does anyone else feel as tho they r in a constant mind chatter battle with themselves? Does anyone know how to stop it?

  475. Teresa Says:

    Debbie – you are doing the right thing. you have been very brave and pro active in doing it, its bound to be an anxious time – it would be for anyone so accept that – accept for now you are going to feel anxious and have scarey thoughts, you are putting yourself under pressure and this is ‘normal’. As you become used to it your mind and body will calm down and you will feel a sense of pride. you are edging in and that is good. good luck, be proud of yourself.
    Jo hope the walk went well – try not to make a big deal of the painting, as i said just tidy your paints, doodle – play with the colours – try a new technique, something exciting you would not normally do – there are some great childrens art books that give you all sorts of experimental techniques, I’ve used them for teaching children and found myself learning at the same time, just have a play.
    Will – you will not have anything adverse happen to you from lack of sleep – you may not sleep if you are tensly waiting for your trip, but sleep will come the following night. Try not to make it the whole focus of your trip – and if you do, accept that it is anxiety and you will be safe, nothing is going to happen to you. hope you have a lovely holiday.

  476. Will Says:

    Teresa – You’re right, the anxiety is only temporary compared to the rest of the holiday. I should focus on the rest of the week and remember that it can’t be as bad as what happened last year. Thank you, and I will!

  477. James jones Says:

    Hey Paul. Have been following your book for about 8 months now and came off tablets within a month of reading it. Making a great recovery but having a bad time recently. Now I know 100 percent what you write is the right way forward I was wandering if it would be a good idea to go back on medication to give me a boost to work through the course. Just struggling to work through it at the moment with my mind so full of anxiety. Maybe I should have stayed on the tablets a while longer until I fully understood the book. I know a lot of people don’t like the tablets but they just might give me the extra leg uo

  478. James jones Says:

    If anyone else has achieved progress by going back on medication as I’ve stated could they please reply also. Would be great for some info on this. Cheers guys. X

  479. Jo Says:

    Thank you Theresa and Debbie for your replies, they are much appreciated. Debbie I think you are doing very well and going back to work may be just what you need.
    Hello James, I’m sorry i can’t advise you on that problem. I came off anti depressants nearly two years ago after depression. I don’t want to go back on them, but that’s because I am afraid of the side effects. Hope others can be more help. x

  480. Joshua Says:

    Hi DCYL,
    I just left the bay area, now I am headed on a flight home :( It beats driving all that way this time. I wish I would have known you were there!

  481. Rachaelmcc Says:

    Thanks again Teresa……
    It is a shock. I feel so much fear that i won’t be able to get through this pregnancy although i have been through pregnancy before. I’ve caused myself to feel like this as i am focusing on all the negatives rather that the positives. You know what it can be like to be stuck in a vicious circle. I am in contact with my therapist whom thinks the pregnancy is a fabulous news. He told me that no matter how bad i feel, I have in the past and will in the future get through it. Right now i have worked myself into a little frenzie. I have always struggled with the acceptance part of the anxiety. I think it is more the fear that my anxiety started to rear it’s head during my last pregnancy and scared that this pregnancy will be the same and drag me back to oblivion. My Therapist said to just accept it all. Accept that its s

  482. Rachaelmcc Says:

    Sorry it got cut halfway.
    Accept that it’s just you hormone. He told me i’m a fabulous Mum to my Son and that having this baby will be great for all of us especially my Son whom will gain a sibling. So why am i caught up in so much panic? I think it may be the timing of it all. The going back to work, getting myself back on my feet, getting back my independence??? Why am i caught up in so much negativity…… I should be joyous. But can’t help feeling so down.

    Also Happy Easter Everyone….

  483. Jo Says:

    Rachael, I too struggle with acceptance so you are not alone with that. Pregnancy is a difficult time hormonewise anyway. When i got pregnant with my first, and only child, I really didn’t want a baby. I cried every day for the first three months and convinced myself I wouldn’t love the baby and would be a terrible mother. But Finally I came to accept the fact and once he was born wild horses wouldn’t have taken him from me. i loved him from the first moment and still do 33 years later. I know it isn’t quite the same as your situation but I hope it gives you some comfort. No you can’t help feeling down, it is anxiety and hormones, but I’m sure things will improve. x

  484. Teresa Says:

    Rachael – no two pregnancies are the same. I was completely different on my second to my first – and do you know what, I remeber that time as being the most ‘anxiety free’ of my adult life. We all have trouble accepting, that’s what anxiety is – it makes us not ‘believe’ what we are being told – i have my own ‘issues’ with acepting at the moment, I and Jo and others all know, so don’t worry you are not alone. Try to take our voices as your subconcious and realise your own is not telling you things ‘as they are’ but being a nasty neighbour who wants to make you feel insecure. also don’t try to feel happy about the pregnancy, just let it be – if you can just go throught the motions – doing what you have to do and accepting the times when you smile, don’t expect or force them. Believe me you will travel through this pregnancy with lots of support and come out of it with a lovely reminder of how strong you are. Take care.

  485. Rachaelmcc Says:

    Thank you both for you kind words… much appreciated :-)

  486. James jones Says:

    No worries jo thanks for the reply. Think after reading other aricles early on in this forum i will start taking the citalopram again. I know everything i need to do but just need a helping hand. When i was first on them i had anxiety still but it was slightly reduced so i think that if i can work on it on a lower scale to start with then eventually as i beat it come off them slowly it could work. Basically instead of taking a massive hit all at once its more like beating it a bit at a time. Ive had it prob 20 years so theres no rush. Does this sound like it makes sense to anyone or am i just taking the easy route

  487. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Jo Says:

    Paul, do you think that my desire for art and crafts will come back. Right now I am afraid I have lost it forever. I can make myself go and do a bit of papercraft or sewing that needs to be done, but some how I can’t feel the enjoyment I used to. I haven’t even been able to pick up my paintbrushes or pencils for a while and I know it’s no good trying to force myself to do it, because nothing comes from it. It is the feeling that I WANT to do it that has gone. I shop, get meals ready, walk the dog etc but all that is a bit like being on automatic pilot too. It’s just the things I used to find pleasurable that i now seem to have no interest in. Thank you .

    Jo don’t you dare stop doing the things you would normally do and what brought you joy before. Emotions are kind of frozen when we feel anxious and it depletes us mentally and physically and the reason we feel we have no interest in things.

    I also felt like I had no interest in anything and was on auto pilot and the worst thing I did was stop doing the things I used to enjoy and just wallow in self pity, going over and over how bad things were, this made me more detached and tired than ever. Don’t expect things to bring you joy at the moment, see it as thawing out, but remember to feel normal you have to live normal, no matter how you feel.

    Doing normal things and just living your life regardless takes the focus away from yourself and excercises your dull and weary mind, we all feel better if we go out and do something, rather than just sit at home with no interests. You are making the mistake of thinking it is the arts and crafts that you have lost interest in and not the way you are feeling that has caused you to seemingly lose interest. I had to drag my mind and body around and re-engage with life for a while before normal feelings began to return. So just carry on with your life and don’t start your arts and crafts thinking ‘well I am doing it yet feel no better’, there is no pressure to feel good, that will come naturally.

    Please trust me on this Jo and do as I say and come back in a couple of months and tell me if you feel a little better and more positive.

  488. Jo Says:

    James I think you have to do what feels best for you. Anti depressants don’t feel right for me – I am too anxious about them :)
    I am using a light therapy box because I have noticed I feel more relaxed when I am out in the sunshine, but sadly there isn’t too much of that about right now.I believe it is helping me and maybe that is what I need, a bit of belief. it feels right for me. Hope that helps.

  489. Jo Says:

    Paul – would it be possible to put the coffee lounge somewhere more easily accessible, like on it’s own link if you see what I mean? I think more people would use it then. x

  490. Jo Says:

    Thank you very much for your reply Paul, I will do my best to put that in to practise. I just needed a pep talk!
    I did a bit of colouring in of stamped images this morning as Teresa suggested, and although I didn’t feel ‘Wow this feels great’ or anything I was pleased I did it. I have also started to watch the painting and drawing channel again, which I had also lost interest in, so maybe that will help motivate me.
    You work so hard to help us Paul, I hope you know how much it is appreciated.x

  491. Doreen Says:

    I do hope that Will managed to get away despite his concerns about sleeping. I was much reassured some time back when I heard someone from the sleep research unit give a talk and answer questions. He said that there is no real right amount of sleep so don’t get hung up on having 8 hours a night. Also that if you do miss a whole night, you only need a couple of extra hours perhaps added onto the following nights in small amounts to be full restored again But I doknow that lying awake with anxiety is a whole different ball game to feeling relaxed and able to think nice thoughts. I remember when I was awake what seemed night after night with panic attacks and my GP said “Why don’t you use the time to read a good book?”. I then knew she understood nothing about how bad this was. I said to her that if I could feel able to read a good book I wouldn’t be asking for help.
    James – I am currently on citalopram and think they have helped. I have posted further back on this so won’t say it all again.

  492. Debbie Says:

    I’ve struggled on my new anti depressants, I wish I didn’t have to take them but am too scared to come off them, I was in such a dark scary place before, although I had 3 good years I was still on tablets but then had a major blip, my doctor doubled the dosage then when that didn’t work he wanted to double them again so I said no more, I think they give them out too easily, I asked for them to b changed but have found the side effects hard, it’s hard to know what is anxiety and what’s the side effects, if I could put the clock back I would definitely try without medication, but everyone is different, also I found I put a lot of weight on which has made me more depressed!
    So I would say to James u have to do what u feel is right for u but as u asked for people’s opinion I would try not to go down the tablet road as once on it it’s hard to get off!

  493. Rachaelmcc Says:

    Have you tried acupunture. A friend of mine had acupunture as she tried the tablets and they made her panic attacks worse. She had a course of mineacupunture and within 5 sessions she was panic free. I’m personally afraid to try acupunture as i fear any interventions.

  494. Debbie Says:

    Hi Rachael yes Ive tried acupuncture, I had a lot of sessions I didn’t find it helped which was disappointing. I think I’ve probably tried everything over the years.
    It’s hard to know what to do for the best when u get side effects from tablets the doc asked me if I had any but how do u know what’s side effects and what’s anxiety, that’s the problem. Blurred vision and dizziness can be both, muggy head too. If I could chop my head off I’d be fine!!

  495. Rachaelmcc Says:

    Debbie… Maybe you could come of of the meds under the Doctors supervision and see if you feel any better off of them.. worth a try.
    It seems like they maybe holding you back.. I spent a while relying on kalms.. rescue remedy to help me get through a day. but when i saw my psychcologist he recommened i ditched them all as i was relying on them to bring me back to me again. They were not helping me at all. Talk to your Doctor.

  496. Jo Says:

    Morning everyone. I am up at the silly hour again. Wish I had someone to talk to.The first CBT was quite good but this week it was just a phone call to ask how I am, and then it will be another phone call in a fortnight. I thought it was suposed to be about getting help with positive thinking etc, but once again ‘help’ is no help at all. I feel very anxous, shaky and frightened and although I kow what I am supposed to do I can’t seem to do it. I thought I was improving but I seem to be going backwards again.

  497. Jo Says:

    I have just noticed that the time on the last post is wrong. It is actually 5.45 am, don’t know how that has happened.

  498. DCYL Says:


    I don’t claim to know everything so take this with a grain of salt. From my perspective, I see a few things:

    Your sleep is bothering you. The fact that you are getting up at a weird time is getting to you and you are associating this with your anxiety. When my anxiety first started, I also had some sleep issues. In short, I worked through it (with the help of another book). I would suggest establishing (if possible) a routine sleep schedule. However, if you wake up like you are now, accept it. Try not to add more fear or anxiety to it. The book I got said that if couldn’t sleep, don’t roll around in bed. Get up, do something until you’re tired and then just go back to sleep.

    As far as your CBT, I want to advise you not to put too much pressure on yourself or the CBT to “fix” the anxiety. I saw someone (non-CBT) for a few months. It was helpful to talk but I eventually stopped. THe reason I stopped was because I thought I was getting past things not because I didn’t like the person.

    However, in looking back, I realized the person was trying to be helpful. However, analyzing WHY you feel a certain why just didn’t help me. Anxiety MAGNIFIES feelings. The professionals are paid to try and analyze your feelings and see WHY you feel that way. However, when you are anxious, there is no rational explanation.

    In the short term (for both items above), confide in a friend or two you trust and get some support. As I’ve stated before, I really was lucky. I had friends around to talk to and some regular activities that I participated in. I can’t advise on the CBT, that will be a choice you need to make based on how helpful it is to you.

    As much as I (and everyone else) wished their was an exact A to Z plan to get better, there isn’t. However, YOU do have a say in it. If you get involved in things, eventually you’ll get better.

    Hope this helps a little bit.

  499. Jo Says:

    DCYL thank you for your reply. What you say makes sense, and I do worry about the sleeping. I have been trying to get back to a proper sleep pattern by trying to stay awake longer at night but I just can’t help drifting off as I feel so tired later. Right now I feel very drowsy but it isn’t a pleasant drowsy, I feel like I have been drugged and I’m afraid to fall asleep because I then wake up feeling ten times worse. This morning when I woke at 4.30 the feelings of fear were so strong I couldn’t seem to get my mind onto anything else, or to accept the feelings without getting more frightened.
    You are right about anxiety being irrational. I have nothing to be anxious or frightened about and yet for most of the day that is how I feel. I have a comfortable life, and a good husband and son. We are not well off but we get by. I tell myself there are people worse off than me and they cope, so why can’t I? I know this is all the wrong way of thinking but my mind just won’t seem to get out of negative mode. Thanks again for your help. x

  500. DCYL Says:


    I hope Paul doesn’t mind but the book I read was “The Effortless Sleep System” by Sasha Stephens. As Paul is a “self help” for anxiety, Sasha is a self help for sleep. Others may have other advice but the sleep book outlines common mistakes and also encourages people to keep to a few promises to ensure better sleep.

    The book is available online, through iTunes and there is a website as well. I’d rather not throw another book at you but consider it as an alternative to look at if you want some advice. The author has her own blog and you can contact her if you want.

  501. Doreen Says:

    Hi Jo – I am sorry you are going through such a rough patch at the moment. I know you are reluctant to use any medication but I do find it helpful to have something to help me sleep from time to time. I use a very low dose of phenergan which is an antihistamine, not a sedative. But is does have sedative properties which relax. Another thing I do is try to think about all the other people who are awake to help me feel less alone. But looking at your previous posts, the problem doesn’t seem to be that you cannot sleep – you are just sleeping too early. If you could make yourself stay awake until late evening then you would be waking at a much more normal time. Best of luck.

  502. Jo Says:

    Thank you DCYL and Doreen for the advice. I will look up the book. I have managed to calm down a bit now, and have been out shopping. I really just wanted to come home the whole time but I managed it. All the best. x

  503. Debbie Says:

    Rachael, the doc I see is a mental health one I call him my nutty doc, he thinks nobody can sort anxiety/depression without medication, yeah one of those! They have the opinion that as I’ve suffered on and off for 30 yrs I obviously need medication. I can see now looking back if certain things had been dealt with I would’ve been sorted. I tried lowering my meds a few months and got a lot worse so just need to get on an even keel, but hard on new .
    Jo I’ve just had twelve weeks of CBT, I think u have to be in a good place yourself to b able to do it, I spent six out of the twelve crying, so they were wasted, they really only show u what u know anyway, I think we all know how to think, what’s helpful and what’s not, like I’m sitting here writing this and ruminating, thinking I feel crap, when’s this going to end, etc etc I know Ive got things to do but the negative little devil on my shoulder is winning….again, I told myself last night when I was looking up positive thinking on a website that tomoro I will change every negative thought into a positive, have I?
    NO, then I get annoyed with myself which makes my thoughts worse so then I get a headache….. and so it goes on! Does this ring a bell for anyone else?
    So why I wonder do we do this to ourselves? We’ve so unhappy with how we r but we keep it going, I find it so strange, is it cos it’s what we know? Or cos we can’t be bothered? Does it get us attention? Why?

  504. Jo Says:

    Debbie I think we all have that negative devil whispering in our ears, but we have to try to ignore it. Not easy I know, not easy at all. I find when my mind is occupied with something else I hardly think about how I feel, but the motivation to do something else is very elusive. If is is something that has GOT to be done, I do it, but anything else I find very difficult to focus on. I am trying not to stress over the trip to London next week but that little voice keeps saying things like ‘you will be sick on the train’, You’ll feel awful and spoil the trip’, ‘how will you cope on your own when you get back’ etc. Then I start to think I shouldn’t be going, but I don’t want to back out, or let my son down. It is a nasty vicious circle, but somehow we have to break it.

  505. Debbie Says:

    Hi Jo it’s so silly isn’t it and frustrating. It’s such a shame that we put ourselves through this mind chatter hell, like u worrying over London, most people would be looking forward to it, getting excited but us we do the opposite, u will probably enjoy it once your there, it’s a bit like going to the dentist u think oh god blah blah blah then when it’s finished u think oh well that wasn’t as bad!
    I’m going back to work tomoro so that little devil is having a field day with my thoughts, even tho I’ve wanted my job back and I love it, I still focus on the negative, really with all of us it’s all about how we feel isn’t it?
    Well Ive got 50 cupcake toppers to make Australian themed so I’ve got to do them and I bet I shall forget all about how I’m feeling once I get going, then two ballerina mice to make (soft toys) so plenty to do.
    Try to look forward to London think of how ur son will enjoy it and the lovely time u will have together, have a good day x

  506. Jo Says:

    Debbie I am so impressed with you going back to work,you are facing that particular demon with a brave face. sounds like you have plenty to do, and I’m sure you will forget how you feel, as you say.
    I am floating between looking forward to London and fearing it. Have a good day too. x

  507. Doreen Says:

    Hi Jo – what day do you go to London and what time do you leave home? Just so I can be thinking about you and symbolically holding your hand. You will do it I am sure. But please don’t think you have failed because you don’t feel ‘wow’ on the trip. Doing it should be enough to make you feel proud.

  508. Jo Says:

    Hi Doreen, We go on Monday around 8.30am. James keeps assuring me I will be ok because there is so much to see and do in London, and I won’t have time to have panic attacks tec.:) He loves it there and had been looking forward to showing his Mum all his favourite places. He’s 33 by the way. It’s only for two nights, so I’m fairly sure I can do that.I hope! Thanks for your support, much appreciated. x

  509. Margret Says:

    Hi everyone this is my first post here. I have been battling anxiety since June last year following a miscarriage and subsequent relationship breakup (because he just couldnt support me through the hell of anxiety). I was off work and managed to get back 4 months ago. Had my ups and downs but now hit a total setback and feel right back to square one and am totally troubled by anxious thoughts.

    My question is this: In his book Paul says he truly let his mind chatter and did not react. But in this post he says he told himself to stop the negative thoughts by saying he doesnt do them anymore. Is this the same thing? I’m totally confused by it all and dont know what to do for the best to overcome this hell. Dont know how to react anymore, I’m at my wits end!!

    Any advice would be much appreciated. Thank u :)

  510. Rachaelmcc Says:

    Just remember that no matter how bad you have felt in the past, You have always been OK. Just remind yourself that the worst thing that could ever happen is that you have a panic attack and remember no matter how bad you feel at the time it WILL always pass. It’s tough but you will be ok. Imagine that the negative thoughts are leaves floating along a river bank let them flow along and let them pass away from you. I hope you have a great time.

  511. Rachaelmcc Says:

    The side effects will wear off as you body adapts to the change.
    The problem is we all take each thought and disect it until we have created a chain of negative thoughts based on the 1st. Rather than letting them pass and hold on the vine we continue to disect until we are sinking in the quick sand.

  512. Michelle Says:

    Hey Guys – I’ve been around here for awhile and having doing wonderfully for the most part. I actually have been struggling with a real life health issue recently, including high blood pressure, which medicine doesn’t seem to be helping. It will for awhile and then up it goes again. We noticed last week that it’s high again so the doc changed one of the meds and I’ve been feeling like it’s high. I try not to monitor it too much as I find it makes me more anxious and then it goes up even higher. I took it when I got home from work tonight even though I knew it was high and I knew I was making myself more anxious about it. And sure enough it was very high. I’m trying to calm down and can’t figure out how to not let this get to me. I’ve done so well in so many other areas with anxiety, but can’t seem to just let this be. I mean it is what it is, right? I know it’s scary, but me getting so nervous is only making it worse and it is making me feel helpless. Please any thoughts that might help me figure out how to not get so worked up over this would be greatly appreciated.

  513. Jo Says:

    Thank you Rachaelmcc, I will try. x

  514. DCYL Says:

    Jo (and others) – Even as I was advising Jo to take it easy, I went through a bit of swing last night. I had a pretty solid Sunday (Easter brunch, met a lovely gal I’m hoping to meet up with more, did a 2.2 mile hike).

    Yet, at some point last night, I started to sweat a bit. I can’t really place why it happened (probably doesn’t matter). I remember started thinking “hmm, why am I sweating a bit” and I started sweating more. My thoughts were relatively calm but with the injection of adrenaline, it took me a little time to calm and fall asleep (which I eventually did). I woke up a little tired and had to stop analyzing how i felt.

    Fortunately, I had work to distract me and I took a half day off to meet up with a friend then had some sports stuff afterward.

    Ultimately, I am starting to see that this post by Paul is probably applying to me the most. When I’m feeling “ok”, I’m usually pretty calm. But when I feel a little off, sometimes, I fall back into the “why mode”.

    Anyone else have this same problem?

  515. Debbie Says:

    Oh god I’m getting myself in a stew over going back to work this afternoon, I really want to but having been so bad I’m so frightened it will make me worse, going back while your on a bad spell probably wasn’t a gd idea but the chance came up and I didn’t want to miss it, I know u have to push yourself but how much? Bad spell not sorted on new tabs is it the wrong time?

  516. Jo Says:

    Hi DCYL, yes I do that. With me it’s more a wave of fear that passes over me and I start thinking ‘oh not not again’. I also keep checking myself to see if I feel better and when I don’t I get all worried again. I know I shouldn’t do it but how do you stop it, when the feeling is so overwhelming. It sounds like you had a nice time anyway, and maybe that unnerved you a bit,subconciously.
    I find it difficult to be feeling ok for a while and then bad again, and although i try to get on with things, the temptation to just curl up on the soffa and not try is very strong, because it is easier. Hope you have a good day today. x

  517. Jo Says:

    Debbie you are bound to feel this way after what happened to you, and coping with the anxiety and tablets too. But think how well you did at the interview. Try to just get on with your morning and let this afternoon take care of itself. Easy for me to say I know. I will probably be having the same problem next Monday morning :)

  518. Debbie Says:

    Jo what u said to DCYL above is exactly the same as I feel, I get so annoyed with myself for focussing on myself, that’s why I wanted to go back to work I hoped it would give me something else to think about. I don’t know how to stop the fear, I am so frightened at how I feel, I think I’m going to lose it and get karted off to the mental hospital! When I get this anxious I go into panic mode even noise and people talking to me makes me worse! x

  519. Michelle m Says:

    Hi everyone.

    Hope all is as well as it can be. just a quick question that i need help with. i woke up this morning with a feeling of terror and fear that maybe something happened in my childhood that has made me get this way. i had a wonderful childhood with my parents but have managed to convince myself that maybe someone else did something to me. has anyone else experienced these type of thoughts. its like im trying to find the cause of my anxiety and that i will be mentally unwell due to this. i have never thought about this before in the past 39 years so why now? Its making me feel so shaky. is this the start of something awful or is this just anxiety . please advise.

  520. Jo Says:

    I know that feeling Debbie, the fear wells up so strongly sometimes it feels like it’s going to swallow you up and you are going crazy. I too have had the fear of getting taken to a mental hospital, but it never happened no matter how bad I felt. It’s just the adrenaline again.When I was having really bad attacks in the night some months ago, my husbad used to get up with me and make me walk about and shake my arms and legs and even ‘box’ with him. And although I felt very weak, it did seem to work and calmed me down. I’m not suggesting you do this but just trying to highlight the way adrenaline works.
    I don’t know what to tell you to stop the fear because I can’t stop it myself, I think paul would say don’t try to stop it, but that isn’t easy either when all you want is to feel better.

  521. Jo Says:

    Michelle I am sure that is anxiety getting the better of you. You are trying to find a reason for feeling the way you do, when there probably isn’t one. We all want to think that one particular thing caused this to happen, when it is possibly a long accumulation of stress that we didn’t even realise we were suffering. You KNOW you had a wonderful childhood, and you probably know nothing else happened but your mind wants there to be a reason, an answer. I am sure others will be able to say the same.X

  522. Michelle m Says:

    Thanks very much Jo i 100% know that nothing awful happened but i guess it is just my mind looking for an answer for this situation i have got myself into. Thanks for taking time to answer when you have your own worries. why can’t we just accept our own advice lol. this anxiety makes you such a strong person. i know that i could get through anything having suffered this rubbish for 5 years. have a good day everyone.

    Michelle x

  523. marcb Says:

    Hi all, Well I got thru my trip to Dublin, had a great time! There was a few sticky moments of course particularly on the plane going there but all in all a great trip. However…. Since I got back on Saturday I have been having the most horrible dreams, 3 on the trot where in them I have anxiety, very bad, and I’m waking up feeling dreadful, then as the day moves on and by night time I’m feeling so much better. Are these dreams ever been experienced by anyone else? …..Many thanks… Marcb

  524. Debbie Says:

    I’ve just told my boss I’m not ready, I couldn’t go back feeling like I do, I need to sort my meds and myself out, ive offered to clean our local church, voluntary so perhaps I’m best doing that first as no pressure, thought it would be calming in a church! It’s only round the corner I’m going round to see what’s what tomoro, so I think I was thinking back to work today, the church tomoro and I have fifty cupcakes and a repunzel cake for the weekend to do and two soft toy ballerina mice to make, that’s the trouble everything comes at once and I get stressed. My head feels like its going to explode, so I’m waiting for the doc to phone back about sorting my med that’s the first step, typical the one I’m under is on leave! So I’m trying not to think I’ve failed cos I couldn’t go to work, I think I knew deep down I wasn’t ready.
    Marcb, do u think with going on ur trip u were in a way like a tight spring and now it’s over youve come down with a thump, so it’s just ur body unwinding in a way, just a thought!

  525. Jo Says:

    Debbie you must do what you feel comfortable with, and not what you think you MUST be doing. By all means get on with your life but don’t put yourself under extra pressure. You don’t have to be wonderwoman :) And you haven’t failed, you have been sensible.

    Marcb, pleased to hear you enjoyed your break. I haven’t had those particular dreams, but many strange ones which I call weirdly bizarre. Maybe it is just a release of the tension etc that you have been feeling.

  526. jackie Says:

    Hi all, I hope things are going ok with everyone.

    I recently went on an emotional coping skills workshop which I found very helpful. I have a booklet they gave us and it has some wonderful advice on acceptance which I thought I would share with you as we all know that is the hardest part! :)

    .. Freedom from suffering requires acceptance from deep within of what is. Let yourself go completely with what is. Let go of fighting what is.

    Deciding to tolerate the moment you are in is acceptance, acceptance is acknowledging what is.

    To accept something is not the same as judging it good.

    Acceptance of reality as it is requires an ACT of CHOICE. It is like coming to a fork in the road. You have to turn your mind towards the acceptance road and away from the “rejecting reality” road.

    You have to make an inner commitment to accept. The commitment to accept does not itself equal acceptance. It just turns you toward the path. But it is the first step. You have to turn your mind and commit to acceptance OVER AND OVER again. Sometimes, you have to make the commitment many times in the space of a few minutes.

    … I was sent on all these workshops by a CBT therapist I was seeing at the time in October last year. This last workshop ended last week but by then I had made my own recovery, but this advise is so true, and that is exactly what I did, I decided to tolerate the moment I was in without judging it, just letting it be. It was hard to make the first step and you do have to do it over and over again until it no longer matters anymore and all the symptoms die down.

    I wish you all well from the bottom of my heart xxx Jackie

  527. Jodee Says:

    Great post Jackie! That will be very helpful to many of us I think.

  528. Debbie Says:

    Totally fed up, NHS r useless, I phoned the doctor I’m under as I’m struggling with new tabs side effects to be told there’s no doctors there this week I will have to wait till next Monday!
    Great post above, wish I could accept its very frustrating when u read how accepting makes a lot of diffarance and u can’t do it!

  529. Jeff Says:

    Hello everyone. I am so close now to full recovery. I have just the smallest blips anymore, but they go away quickly. I have largely re-trained my response to it. I realized last night that I had excess adrenaline and that a few weeks ago I would have freaked, but I didn’t. I just let it be there (had a hard time sleeping, but no weird thinking at all). It CAN be done. It really can. Four months ago I never would have thought that I’d feel the way I do today, and while there are numerous things I could say that contributed to this: time, rest, and acceptance were the big three that did it (right out of the book!… he’s right!). Acceptance for me meant emotional honesty, forgiving myself for falling apart, and embracing the truth that things are always in a constant state of change. Jackie’s post nailed it. My anxiety was brought on by an inability to face the reality of my situation and my feelings. My brain couldn’t deal with the severity of my broken heart so it protected me from it by clouding my head with all this crap and creating a false reality to keep me from the mountain of pain inside. Now I can feel it, and it sucks, but I’m so glad to feel something other than fear that it’s like a holiday. I will probably be back with some concern, it has come back in the past, but I hadn’t gotten this far. Each time is less and less, and it’s just evaporating now.

    You are all amazing people to help strangers the way you do. This place is a blessing to everyone who reads it. Paul, you’ve truly created something here that adresses an issue that the medical community seems incapable of handling. It’s quite something.

    Marcb: I found this link the other day that discusses dreams in an interesting way. I have not remembered my dreams until lately and for months it seemed as if I didn’t dream at all, so read this and be comforted that at least you ARE dreaming, no matter how bad they become.

    Best to you all:)

  530. Monica Says:

    Lovely post Jackie. Thank you
    Am doing well, all. Had a lovely Easter weekend with my family. Was barely anxious. The last thing I am working on is the dp, which came unexpectedly a week ago, but I’ve been good with it, and I know my body needs time to heal after the extremely stressful 2 months I have just endured – seriously! if I can get through that, I can get through anything. The most important thing I’ve done is to just let the anxiety be there and do it’s thing, while going on with my day and getting out of the negative thought cycle. As soon as I realized I was ruminating and being anxious I would stop myself and ask why I was thinking this way, accept it, and move onto a new action and task. Things are really looking up. I wish when I had the first panic attack that I had had in a long time in January that I did all this, but I had forgotten Paul’s wise words and instead got way too caught up in how i was feeling and in anxious thoughts. I kept saying why is it back? Honestly, it’s like I’d gone back to three years ago in the same place, but perhaps I had never truly understood Paul’s words. I honestly think that is it, they have a new meaning for me now. I almost feel embarrassed for letting it get so out of hand, but this too is unhealthy thinking – I’m only human after all.
    Paul tweeted something great today about anxiety: “I don’t have to fix it, it will fix itself”. This too me is the pinnacle of recovery. Our bodies are all the same, and we all heal the same way. Somehow, our minds get in there and say I want to get better faster than this, but trust your body. OKay, I’m ranting now. Just wanted to stop by and say that. Hope everyone is doing okay, and things will get better xx.

  531. Teresa Says:

    Monica and Jackie – great positive posts that will help us all. Acceptance is a funny thing – when you have it it makes life so easy but when you lose it you tend to keep looking for it and that is then NOT acceptance. I had a good day yesterday and realised that a lot of my back pain (not all) that I am left with is exaggerated by anxiety and when i get on with things – it can dissapate. so today,was going to be a doddle – lol, famous last words.
    So it’s back to accepting its there and getting on with it – hearing from you two girls with your success is inspirational and motivating for us all.
    Thank you.
    Debbie – don’t worry about the false start, the fact you were willing to try is good enough – it will come, just the timing was wrong. Take care.

  532. Sophia Says:

    Hi Paul or anyone

    How to stop ruminating? As I have noticed when I speak I go out of reality and get into my world of perception and extra emotions which doesn’t get to the point…!

    I would like to do things or follow a routine which helps me grow personally…can anyone suggest how to mentally focus on one’s personal growth and emotional stability as I react to my very own thoughts and could never actually separate thoughts from “me”..

    Thought process is so continuous like obsessive that I couldn’t break free from it and think afresh…

    Should I be aware of my thoughts? When I simply let it go it goes haywire..!

  533. Monica Says:

    Thanks Teresa. I thing people get confused when it comes to “acceptance” because the word is interpreted differently by many and it’s connotation implies something different than what is actually effective in handling anxiety.

    Sophia, look into a book called “The mindful path through worry and rumination”. Hope Paul doesn’t mind…it’s just really helpful :) It’s like a nice Buddhist approach to deal with rumination specifically.

  534. DCYL Says:

    HI All,

    Jo – I am doing better today. Slept a little late due to being home late last night but it was fine. I wanted to comment on something Paul mentioned in this particular post. He mentions doing some meditation with music and what not. I had some some meditation a while ago when I hit some stressful times.

    I also tried it early on when my anxiety struck. It proved to be a little difficult to calm the mind at the time so fortunately exercise was good substitute.

    However, as I mentioned, I still get hindered by the wandering / anxious mind a bit. I decided to try and go back to meditating a little bit (to some pleasant sounds of rain or something soothing). I did about 5 to 10 minutes last night and a few minutes after work today. I tried to keep a clear mind but even though it didn’t always happen, I stuck with pleasant and hopeful images.

    I have to say it does help a little bit to clear your mind a bit. I think the meditation brings you back to the present while our memories keep us in the past and our worries keep us in the future.

    I’m not saying this will work all the time but like friends / exercise (and anything else), it’s another tool to support you and help us feel better.

    Anyone else tried meditating a little bit? I’d like to hear your experiences.

  535. Jo Says:

    Morning all. it is nice to hear you have had a good easter Monica.
    DCYL, pleased that you are doing better too. I have just bought a book about meditaion, but I haven’t really got into it yet. I have tried one or two of the quick meditations and sometimes it works, sometimes not.
    I had a fairly decent day yesterday. Did a lot of walking, and although I did feel strange whilst amongs the crowds while shopping, I coped ok. After tea we went to the pub (no alcolhol for me) and I felt quite normal, but then evenings are usually my best time. Back to feeling shaky and sick again this morning though, after waking at 4.30am. This is my worst time as it is too early to be able to potter about(don’t want to disturb the other two) and take my mind elsewhere. So I lay in bed till about 5.30 then come downstairs and come on here.

  536. Teresa Says:

    Sophia – this may or may not be helpful It’s the fact that you give your thoughts enoudh respect that you believe them – not the thoughts themselves – that it turn creates a reaction from you. i understand what you mean, if you did not have the thought you would not have the reaction – whether I have understood it correctly or not I am not sure but it is a case that it’s your reaction to the thoughts that needs addressing. The acceptance is – ok i just thought there was a lion in the wadrobe, i know it’s a thought therefore i’m not going to ring the police, or cower in the corner – i will actually get on with whatever I’m doing and let the thought of the lion be there, because actually – it does not exist as it is a thought.
    Now , I know, anxiety thoughts are not as simple as that and can create the feelings that go with the thoughts automatically – but what people who have ‘cracked’ it are trying to say (I believe) is that regardless of whatever thought, if we just realise that they are ‘lions in the wadrobe’ and we carry on with what we are doing eventually the thought will slip away, when it does the ‘reaction’ to the thought slips too. It is difficult – but we will grasp it ‘automatically’ eventually and when we start reacting we become aware we are. I’m not trying to simplify anyone’s problem but hope it helps a bit.

  537. Jo Says:

    Teresa I get the idea, but putting it into practise is not easy is it? The film Lawrence of Arabia was on the other day and though I did not watch it all there was a part that struck a chord. Lawrence was doing a trick where he burned his hand with a match or something but didn’t show any pain. So then another guy tried it and complained that it hurt and wanted to know what the trick was. Lawrence answered that of course it hurt, but the trick was not minding that it hurt.
    A bit like anxiety I think, we have to learn to not mind it.

  538. marcb Says:

    Hi all, wow, 4th night on the trot now for me and these horrible dreams. Are horrible dreams a part of it all? They make the start of the day so difficult. Thanks marcb

  539. Doreen Says:

    Hi marcb – glad to hear you had a good time in Dublin. We only drove on the ring road as we needed to get to and from the airport quickly. We were at a place called Dingle on the west coast and had a really good time. Some of the old symptoms did reappear on our return but it was encouraging to know it is possible to be without them.
    Regarding the dreams – maybe you need to treat them as you do other uncomfortable symptoms – don’t pay them any attention cos in fact they are only dreams, like our negative thoughts are only thoughts.

  540. MonikaS Says:

    I came across your site whilst googling my most distressing symptom which is depersonalisation. It was such a relief to read that this was a result of my anxieties rather than a personality disorder. It also explains why the therapy I was having for my anxiety and panic attacks was actually making the depersonalisation worse. I was under going Transactional Analysis and the constant trying to fathom out why I behave or feel the way I do was fuelling my self obsession and self absorption making my symptoms worse not better.

    I have started reading your book and feel equal parts relieved (that there is a way out of my cycle of panic and back into the world) and terrified (of embracing the feelings I constantly battle). I think it will work for me as I had already started some of the things you suggest I.e keeping myself busy when I would rather hide under my quilt and die and not avoiding as many situations which I know are liable to cause panic attacks. I have a long way to go but have started to admit to others around me how I am feeling. I even emailed my boss the other week to let her know I was coming to work but that I was having a bad day and just admitting that lifted a lot of anxiety about being there. I hope I am up to the challenge despite all the setbacks that lie before me and will check in sometimes to see how everyone is getting on. You never know maybe in a few months I will be able to lend some support to others.

  541. Teresa Says:

    Jo – yes you are right – its a bit of a catch 22. But once you experience ‘glimpsing’ when the symptons lift by your attention being elsewhere it will give you a clue as to how ‘real’ the symptoms are. Then the more glimpses we get the less afraid we get – I suppose the trick is not looking for the glimpses but just getting on with it. I suppose thats why we look for reassurance is that once you have an ‘acceptable’ reason/solution for your symptom it becomes less of an issue, the less of an isssue it becomes the less you worry about it… We tend to be too intense about life – we need to slacken up on our thought system and become more ‘whatever’.
    Dcyl – yes I have taken to mediatating twice a day – only for about twenty mins – I had seen it on breakfast news and the proven benefits to general health. I have a cd that just relaxes you through it that a local person that does it did for me. Sometimes I’m more receptive than others but I have built it inot my routine and find it does help calm the body down – the mind still jumps all over the place but I let it without trying to follow thoughts. What do you do?

  542. Jeff Says:

    Marcb, I posted a link for you to check out that may shed some light on dream states for you. It’s in a post just a couple clicks up. Horrible dreams were never a part of my anxiety, but the fact that you’re dreaming them apparently means your mind is trying to work something out in its sleep. Be well.

  543. marcb Says:

    Thanks everyone for your replies!

  544. Jo Says:

    When I was on meds for depression I had the most bizarre dreams imaginable, but thankfully they were not nightmarish or anything.The problem I have now regarding sleep is that I daren’t let myself nod off, no matter how tired I am, if I am on edge.It’s not dreams I’m afraid of because I can’t always remember them, but waking up and feeling totally unreal which is what usually happens. I guess that must be my most feared symptom, the unreal, still asleep feeling.

    Marcb, I think Doreen and Jeff are right about your dreams, your brain is trying to sort the negative thoughts whilst you are asleep. My guess is when you start to relax about them they will go away.

  545. Sophia Says:

    Thanks Monica & Teresa

    I do get your point..but this active mind which continuously pops one thought after another is so tiring..I earnestly yearn for a moment of peace and silence of mind to be at the present moment watching whats around me…
    I could actually do that months ago when my mind was kind of frozen ( couldn’t think only watch the world and respond) but now I watch the world with a hell lot of baggages…

    Let me try the book u said Monica …hope mindfulness helps in this case..

  546. Monica Says:

    No problem Sophia. You’ll be okay. It’s just thoughts after all. This can’t hurt you. Try meditating, like ppl have been talking about in here. Learn to
    Still your mind. I’ve become quite good at it. It’s very helpful

  547. Jo Says:

    Sorry about this everyone but I have had such a bad night I need some help. I couldn’t get settled at all yesterday, not even in the evening as normal,went to bed around midnight and was awake again at 3.30 feeling so frightened. Spent the next hours vomiting and shakng all over. My nerves feel absolutely shot. Is this still just anxiety? Thanks.

  548. James jones Says:

    Hi I need some advice as I’m slightly confused. I have had a few ocd’s since my anxiety began 13 years ago. The main one is a blocked left ear from when I sneezed and it popped. Since then I have obsessed about it through anxiety and think about it everyday. My cbt therapist has slowly got me away from messing around with it eg. Unblocking it holding my nose and blowing it etc but now when I don’t think about my ear it moves to another symptom like my t shirt being too tight on me or a muscle in my shoulder. The book clearly tells you to stop fighting and all the symptoms go away but by constantly doing all these symptoms all I’m doing is obsessing about my ear my t shirt my shoulder etc and fighting to stop them. the reason I am fighting to stop these habits is that the cbt therapist told me if I keep unblocking my ear , twitching my shoulder etc it is keeping me in the circle of anxiety. So I need to know which is best. Do I do the habit and not worry about it and give up the fight or shall I keep trying to stop the habits. Trying to stop them feels like a constant fight and it feels like the battle is making me worse but unblocking my ear etc makes it feel better almost like a release valve. Anyone with any similar problems can you please give me some advice. Cheers

  549. Jo Says:

    How on earth am I going to get to London on Monday if I feel like this? I can’t even face leaving the house let alone get on a train. I can feel myself chickening out and if I do that will just make things worse. I wish I could find my strong side again. I’m a 59 year old mother for heavens sake, why can’t I cope?

  550. Debbie Says:

    Hiya Jo sorry you’ve had a bad night, if someone asked for your help with the same feelings and symptoms u have what advice would u give them! Make out ur helping a friend talk to yourself out loud, be kind to yourself x

  551. Jo Says:

    Thanks debbie, I know I have to be a bit more positive.x

  552. lorryt Says:

    Hi Theresa
    The past few weeks have been quite difficult for me, as you can probably have guessed from my posts!!. I thought whn I had my week off from work, which I have just had I would feel better , but I don’t. You knoe realxing etc..but I realised I have got into a real rut and I cant get out.I have been running on adrenelin and I am so fatigued. My head feels like its oging to explode and feels really heavy. relaxing seems impossible and then i have moments of such clarity, which pass so quickly. I trully have returned to square one, but this time with different symptoms !! how mad is that, i keep trying to analyse and understand. I need to stop but cant seem to switch my head off. i have slowed down and realised that I am running on empty which I guess is a start, but cant seem to allow it to be and stop feeding onit. I have typed this blog out several times as spelling is horrendous. I need to slow down, and let thinge be. I am puttign fear infront of this , am frightened that work is causing this and i am doing too much and give myself a guilt trip about lettign my kids be with their grandparents over the 6 weeks holiday as I have to work. Its all so silly as I cnt sleep either. I keep saying oh its the medication i have been on for my back and my stress of hubby, work etc usual stuff, but then i think oh my god its goona be like this feels so much more powerful than it did so long ago when i first became Ill. I need some quality sleep which is what i am lacking so thats not helpful, but dont want to go on sleeping tablets, as i have been taking some diazepam for a bad back and am worried thats affected me. mY eyesight is knackered possibly where i am tired and my focus and concentration is phased. my fears pop up that its worse than anxiety, brain tumour etc. I know its sounds like total insanity and I used to be able to dismiss it all and say no, its silly etc, but lately it wont go away. I am so tempted to go to ther doctors just to check but i know if i do go i will worryabout my back and it all spirals onto something else. i dont get why its all so much more tricky this time orund?????

    sorry i have been babbling on but its got me in a mix, and my way out appears blocked. i have been reading stop thinking and start living by richard carlson which helps but it doesnt seem to stay in my head……… i want an off button on my mind !!!!!

  553. Debbie Says:

    Well I was all pleased with myself cos for the first time when I woke up this morning and my mind was going it I thought so what and actually meant it! Hooray! So have had a good day with a few thoughts but I let them go, then just had my dinner and a rush of anxiety swept over me, I’m not going to dwell on it but feel disappointed it happened I think it’s trying NOT to start wondering why, I know I shouldn’t give it any more thought hopefully I can.

  554. Jo Says:

    Well done Debbie that’s great. Don’t worry about the sweep of anxiety, you’ve made a good start on acceptance. I get those sweeps all the time too.x

  555. James jones Says:

    I’ve started getting really chostrophopbic with my clothes. Eg t shirts around the neck feel like their strangling me, can’t wear anything with a high collar, constantly getting frustrated with my watch etc. does anyone else get this. Is it part of anxiety? Will it leave once the anxiety dies down?

  556. Julie Says:

    Hi all iv been on this blog a 1000 times but never posted, just got comfort off reading everyones posts. Well I got anxiety abou 9 mnths ago and didn’t know what had hit me!!!!! Cudnt eat, sleep, go out ect boy it was tuff.. Went to my gp who didn’t really give me much advice but offered me meds, I refused them as I was too scared to take them. I truly understand what most people are going through as I feel I was at rock bottom with anxiety/depersonalisation. I read and reread pauls book and tried to follow his advice (it was very hard to do some days) but I persevered and little by little I felt myself getting more confident and on occasion I could feel the old me coming back. I have had a couple of setbacks but iv refused to give them much thought and iv always came out the other side that little bit stronger, I would like to think I’m fully recovered today or at least well on my way. I’m back at work I go out shopping go out for a drink basically all the things I used to do (I’m even having a wk-end away with the girls nxt month). I came to the conclusion that if I changed my attitude to anxiety it wasn’t so scary… I still often think about how ill I felt but as soon as that happens I change my thought pattern.. Maybe I’m lucky I don’t no but I just wanted to let you all no follow pails advice and you can get there. I wish everyone the best of luck, god bless xx

  557. Monica Says:

    Julie that is great! Don’t give up. You will feel 100% back to you, it just will take some time…let your body take all the time it needs. And I do that too…think about the times when I literally felt the worst, thinking back to those horrible moments. But like you, i just put it in the past and continue forward. No matter how bad we may have been we can recover :)

  558. Julie Says:

    Hia Monica, yeah I think it really does just take time for your body to heal itself, and to try hard not to let anxiety make you a victim keep pushing forward and just live one day at a time. Trying hard not to make a big deal out of it and just living your life….. It sure is hard sometimes but keep your faith in yourself and yeah all of us can recover :)

  559. mm16 Says:

    hi james , yes i had this with clothes, couldnt wear a scarf in winter, or coat zipped up , even wooly jumpers made me feel claustrophobic , as i starded recovering these things died down, so dont worry about it, as your anxiety wears off so will this james x

  560. Doreen Says:

    Hi folks – have decided this last couple of weeks that even though I don’t feel great physically (swollen, painful knee plus gall bladder symptoms) that as these are being dealt with medically that I may as well get out and about despite feeling poorly. This has had a pretty good effect on my anxiety too (fingers crossed). Yesterday I did my 1st trip to town to buy some new clothes as we are having friends over for dinner tonight. I was anxious but my motivation to get something new over rode that. I have been out most days and evening this week including chairing the local arts festival meeting last night. I am still on Citalopram but keep forgetting to take it so guess I am not too dependent upon it. I know some of you get through this without medication but my GP is very supportive and I don’t feel he has prescribed them without thought. I can still feel anxious very easily but keep telling myself that these are only thoughts and most times that calms me down even if I still feel the physical tensions hanging on for a time. It feels like 2 steps forward, 1 step back right now but the general direction is forward.

  561. James jones Says:

    Thanks. Just been really worried about this so feel really releived that its not just me and it will go. Really appreciate your reply. Onward and upward. Xxxxxxx

  562. MonikaS Says:

    Doreen – just be careful and don’t come off the meds without discussing it with your GP. Like you I was on Citalopram and only a 10mg dose. I started taking it every other day and then not at all and although I deteriorated a bit in the following days it was really around 2 weeks later that I was back to rock bottom. Perhaps it is worth talking to your GP about your reluctance to take it versus the benefits of being on it with an agreed review date?
    Sounds as though you are doing an amazing job of getting yourself back out into the world despite the obstacles you face.

  563. Debbie Says:

    Hi Doreen well done for getting out whatever and new clothes too that makes u feel good, hope u have a lovely evening with ur friends, don’t beat yourself up about the tablets if u need a bit of help then grab it, at least u don’t take them everyday but if u did so be it if it helps it’s not forever, enjoy the moment x

  564. Jo Says:

    Doreen, you are doing brilliantly! getting out is a big hurdle for me, and that’s why I am anxious about London, it’s very far from my ‘safe’ place. I really want to do it though and just hope I have the courage to see it through.
    As Monika says, if you come off the tabs be sure to do it gradually. When I started to forget to take mine (venlafaxine) my doctor said it is quite a common thing to do as you start to get better.

  565. Doreen Says:

    Thanks for these lovely comments. My GP says it is best to be on the tablets for 6 months after I have returned to where I want to be, I just forget some days and guess that they are still in my system so don’t really notice any difference. At the beginning I did also use the odd valium which at least enabled me to get to take my grandson to see the Russian Ballet and go to my sisters funeral for example without feeling too dreadful. Now I never take valium so that is progression. BTW my grandson (12) leaves home next week to become a student at the Royal Ballet School in Birmingham. It used to be Sadlers Wells before it moved to Brum. Sad and proud all at the same time. He lives just round the corner so I shall miss him greatly. May be shedding some tears so to speak on this page.

  566. Jo Says:

    Doreen, how wonderful for your grandson, what an acheivement. Well done to him. Of course you will miss him, but you must be incredibly proud.You must keep us informed as how he is getting on.
    As for tablets – when I was in such a state that I couldn’t relax at all (years ago) I was given diazepam, but all that did was put me to sleep and I felt worse afterwards. If you find something that suits and it helps then there is nothing wrong with that. Venlafaxine saved me from depression but then stopped working after a time and the next lot I tried for this anxiety gave me horrible side effects for days. The trouble is I am now afraid to try any others. And it all comes down to that word again – FEAR.

  567. mm16 Says:

    hi jo , your so right it all comes down to that word again fear , cannot remember who it was that wrote this on here…….. F.E.A.R. false evidence appearing real now i need to get that in my head . what a lovely bunch of people on this site , lets all recover xxxxx

  568. Jo Says:

    mm16, yes that is a good way to think of it. I have let it get the better of me a bit this morning I’m afraid. I have been keeping myself busy but all I once I felt very weird and weak and although I tried to ignore it I have had to come onto my safe place,(the settee) and come on here to read the posts. You are right too that the people on here are the best. xxx

  569. Ivy V. Says:


    I just wanted to share a bit of my story and my progress. I was under a lot of stress and worry by the end of last year, as I am getting married and also some family issues. Several years ago, I had what therapist described as post traumatic stress disorder due to a health scare after I took a diet pill and I got a really bad reaction to it. That lead me to an anxiety disorder, it was really bad but I was able to pull myself together. However that event led me to become a very scared person and avoid lots of things and places, even some food and become overly worried. I actually got a real bad episode of anxiety again when I was away in school working on my Master’s Degree. I was able to work through it and go back to my family, which really helped me get better. Anyway, it’s been about nine years since this started and about a few months ago I started having panic attacks which really lead me to another big anxiety breakdown.

    At one point I thought the worse, I started researching about the subject and I almost become consumed by it. I have read about the subject before, but I realized that I never really learned much from it. I now realize that throughout all these years, even when I thought I was ok, I was always anxious. I am so grateful I found this blog, it has truly helped me. I bought the book and when I first started reading it I was doing really bad, I was just trying to get through the day and avoid my feelings as much as I could. The website and the book have really given me the confidence I needed to see anxiety with different eyes. I now really understand all the symptoms, in the past I worried so much about every different thing I was feeling, I now see that it’s all anxiety playing it’s tricks on me. I have been having this unbalanced feeling for a long time, but I now don’t worry about it anymore, I let it be. There are times when I feel like myself again, which encourages me take the bad days in better.

    I really believe this book has given me the knowledge I needed to finally understand anxiety and to not see it as a big monster trying to swallow me whole. Thank you Paul, you have helped me get my life back. I am not out of the woods yet, but I know that I am on the right path :)

  570. Teresa Says:

    by the time you read this you probably will have calmed down – its difficult , I know. you have a lot on and you are getting anxious about everything because you are anxious. You will settle down but not while you are upsetting yourself with all the guilt and worry – forget the children with the grandpoarents, let everyone get on with it – if you’re in work, you’re in work the children will be fine. Try not to analyse everything, its not work, its not the holiday from work – it’s the fact that you expected to feel better on your week off and you didn’t – that has further worked you up. Personally , if you can stay away from the doctor i would – you do not have anything worse, its anxiety. Hope you feel better soon – I know you will.

  571. Matt Says:

    Hey guys, wanted to let ya know how things are going. DP has seemed to finally go away, completely. I’ve been too busy to pay it any attention and on top of that I accepted into a university for a bachelor’s program I’ve been wanting to get into. Life seems…..normal again for the first time in 10 months. No anxiety, fear, confusion, etc. anymore. I believe my body desensitized to it all and I kept going towards it rather then hiding away. Eventually, I just forgot about it altogether. Haven’t had a DP spell in awhile and feel great. Hope everyone is doing well, sorry haven’t posted in awhile, haven’t had the time lately.

  572. James jones Says:

    That’s great news matt. Keep up what your doing

  573. Jo Says:

    I feel a total failure. I have spent this morning on the settee alternating between what felt like drifting in and out of conciousness and shaking uncontrolably. Started tablets for acid reflux last night and woke at 4 this morning feeling awful, really weird and frightened. Now really worried that it is a side effect. My husband thinks it is worry about going to London and thinks I shouldn’t go,I am begining to think so too. But if I don’t go I will feel weak and useless.

    I am happy to hear you are doing so well matt.

  574. Diane Says:

    Hi Jo, sounds really difficult for you at the moment, you are not a total failure, it sounds like adreneline making you shake. You were maybe worried about taking the tablets and didnt get a good night sleep, which can make as all feel more of balance. Ask your doctor about the side affects if youre really worried. Best thing for adreneline is to walk it of,up and down stairs or outside and get some fresh air. I dont know about London, but be compassionate to yourself, if you really dont feel up to it dont go, and dont beat yourself up, just think to yourself its no big deal, at the moment I dont feel up to it, but try not to enter into the cycle of beaing yourself up about it , it will make your anxiety and mood worse and there is no point in that , you are then not being kind to yourself.Hope you feel better soon x

  575. Debbie Says:

    Hi jo sorry to hear ur struggling, I know exactly how u feel u sound just like I did at the beginning of the week, remember? When I was going back to work, I’m certain u r getting stewed about London, I thought I was a failure cos I couldn’t go and u told me I’m not that to do what I feel is right for me not what I think I should be doing, what’s the point in getting yourself in a state just for a trip to London? It doesn’t matter if u don’t go now I’m sure your son would rather u felt better, your mind and body r in a battle over can I go or can’t I go just decide once and for all, I’m sure like me when u accept it’s ok not to go u will gradually feel better as long as u don’t carry on beating yourself up.
    Listen to yourself and be kind to yourself it’s ok x

  576. MonikaS Says:

    Jo – I totally understand your fear about your trip to Lindon. I am a bad culprit for chickening out of such trips at the eleventh hour because I have got myself in such a state about it. My advice is to sit and write down each stage of the trip i.e getting to the station, waiting for the train, finding a seat, showing your ticket etc etc. break it down into the alley detail and when you have your list look at each stage and think about what concerns you and what the worst that could happen is. The trip as a whole is very frightening whereas each stage is much more manageable. If you really can’t face it then make the decision take some breaths and congratulate yourself on making a decision on your needs. Do not spend time thinking about letting yourself or others down. A decision to go is brave and admirable but admitting you aren’t quite ready is also brave. Good luck x

  577. Monica Says:

    Matt, that is so great to hear! I was wondering where you went. Glad to see the dp is dying down…I feel like I’m in the state you were in with dp…all the anxiety is gone but dp is still there. I know it’ll disappear and it’s already dissipating which is lovely lol…It’s so weird not feeling like you have an identity or looking in the mirror and not recognizing yourself for a second…I know it’ll go slowly but my this really has to be the worst anxiety symptom lol. But eventually it will pass. Yesterday I realize has been the best I’ve felt in months..the most normal I’ve felt. Such a great feeling to know I’m getting better :)

  578. Jo Says:

    Thank you Diane Debbie and MonikaS, for your kind words. I am feeling much better tonight, as i usually do, and more positive. i will just wait and see how I feel Monday morning, instead of keep dwelling on it. If I feel ok I will go, and if not, well it’s not the end of the world is it?

  579. Jo Says:

    Paul – I wonder if you have an explanation for why I feel so drowsy at times. I know I am awake early, between 4-5am, but I sleep early too. around 8-9pm so i think I get enough sleep. But when I have been up awhile I start to feel really groggy and drowsy. It’s not a pleasant drowsy though, and feels more like I am losing consciousness, and makes me fearful of letting go. I usually have slight trembles too. Is this all part of anxiety? Thank you

  580. Rick Says:

    First of all, hope everyone is doing well and staying positive. Breaking through is no easy feat. Recover is a series of peaks and valeys; when you’re in the valleys, you feel hopeless at times. As Paul has stated, the process of breaking through consists of removing the layers, one by one. We will have have our good days, weeks, months…I consider these times as being on top of the mountain. You feel good and everything looks promising. Then there are times that we are in the valleys and somehow it seems as we’ve slipped all the way down and we will never reach the peak ever again. This can be really disheartening and have you back at square one, asking questions and playing that tug of war with all the thoughts in your head just when you thought everything was behind you. The truth is, no one can take away those good days. They are there so we can reflect and know that there is a way out. Those good days are proof we DONT have to live like this forever. I’ve learned that being in those valleys is all a part of the recovery process…we can’t truly break through without them. Whether you realize it or not, every time we get back to the top of the mountain, another layer has been removed and we are closer to breaking through. Everyone’s situation and road to recovery is different, but we all want the same thing: to be ourselves and to be motivated to live life to the fullest without being apprehensive and fearful. I dont know if I’m all the way there yet, or what % I would consider myself to be at as far as recovery goes, but I know I’m well on my way. It’s hard to explain but I’m sure we will all “know” when we have. Learn to follow Paul’s guidelines and use this blog as support, but not as a crutch…and dont put a time constraint on your recovery period…it will vary for all of us. Avoid the temptation of looking for miracle cures and other ways to get through and explain this. Paul’s way is the truth, without a doubt. I’m back to getting excited for things again…working out, making plans and being able to actually get excited about it…haha, I laugh because it’s something so many people take for granted. You know what, though? I’m grateful I have gone through this because it teaches you to overcome. Every struggle has a lesson as long as we are willing to learn from it. I’ve learned through experiencing anxiety that there are other areas in my life that will be strengthened by my struggle; it’s taught me I have other areas to improve in order to become a better person. I’ve decided that I’m going to try to wean myself off of this blog and continue on my path without it. I have benefited greatly from this website and Paul’s book. I only read Paul’s book once but I have visited this site many times. I had been suffering from anxiety for about 3-4 yrs, possibly more. Try not to focus on how long you have been going through it, rather focus on the fact that recovery is possible and WILL happen as long as you don’t lose hope and use Paul’s methods to accept, live with, and eventually break through. There is absolutely no recovery without acceptance; not going to happen. I read Paul’s book in October ’11 and I haven’t been the same since. It didn’t happen overnight and man, did I have some rough times…I still may, but I know how to deal with this now. It didn’t feel right just leaving this site without writing one final post ( I pray it is my final post, hehe) I’m not saying I don’t want to participate and be a part of this community. I just feel as though I’m strong enough to continue on without the help from this blog and I pray you all get there some day as well, if you haven’t already. Paul, I just wanted to thank you for what you do/have done for all of us..and thanks to everyone who shares their stories on here. Your book has been a lifesaver and this site and really been a huge push for me in my recovery. God bless you all! : )

    P.S. Paul, if you dont mind, these authors have books that may be beneficial for those of us going through this. I think both of these authors COMPLIMENT your method to recovery. I need to stress compliment because I dont want to confuse others into thinking they should find other methods. I have not read them in their entirety but they may prove helpful to those who want to check them out…sorry for the long post!

    Guy Finley–The Secret of Letting GO
    Katie Byron–Loving What Is, Four Questions That Can Change Your Life

  581. Debbie Says:

    What a great post, it gives us all hope and I would like to wish Rick all the best of luck in his fantastic and exciting new path!

  582. Debbie Says:

    Jo, just to let u know I’ve been thinking of u and hoping u r ok x

  583. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Rick I don’t mind anyone recommending books as long as that is all, as many who promote anything else are either usually affiliated with them or know someone who is. Also a no no is these so called miracle cures costing hundreds of £s/$s and I am sure I don’t have to mention the sites involved.

    I personally found reading too many books a bit counter productive and had too many messages and directions to follow and found I would rather just keep things simple and stick to what I believed in. ‘The power of now’ seems to have a good message and may have helped many people, but I found it did not help me at all. There was parts of the book that said whatever you are doing then be fully involved in it ‘Brush your teeth and feel the toothbrush going up and down, feel the texture of the toothpaste, when you swill your mouth out notice the water etc etc’ well I spent years watching myself due to my anxiety and the last thing I needed was to become more self aware, it seems to have suited others, I think it was mentioned on here once, but I really did not like it.

    I just don’t want people to think they have to keep going out and buying book after book mentioned on here as I found many were of no use to me or tried to send me down a different path. But it’s people’s personal choice if people want to follow one up recommended on here.

  584. Jo Says:

    Hi Debbie thanks for that. Not too bad just now but felt a bit faint whilst shopping at Tesco. Got home ok and trying to relax now. How are you doing.x

    Thank you Rick for such a positive post.

  585. Debbie Says:

    Jo glad to hear u sound a bit brighter and have been out, tescos too that’s a challenge in itself!
    I had a couple of good days but then a couple of not so good, so get very disappointed, that feeling takes over so instead of thinking great I had good days I focus on the bad as they spoilt it.
    Still having terrible headaches with the new tablets, but we went out for a drive in the country it was lovely to see the lambs and some alpacas in a field they r so funny, it was good to get out, to have something else to focus on. x

  586. lorryt Says:

    Hi Theresa

    Thanks for your post, yes, i guess you are right!. i put far too much pressure on myself and the more i step away from it the more i realise. I know the anxiety is very powerful and i guess where it has comeback but in a very different way i thought it must be something else. I know what is it and i need to just treat it all the same way, i think i had got all this way and recovery was something i had done, not realising that i wasnt 100% better but merely still on the road to recovery. We feel so great when we are well we forget about all the bad stuff we had to deal with, well i have to accept it all over again and just let things be and not react to the adrenelin. mind you on a more positive note, i dont let it stop me doing naything, i still work and do stuff with the family and cary on as normal, so i have learnt not to let overtake my life, just my head from time to time. work is always good as it distances me frim it somewhat . thanks again and hope that things for you are gettign better. my back is improving and ipilates isant my thing, but i know if i stick at it ,it will hopefuuly make things easier in the long run xxx

  587. Doreen Says:

    Hi Paul- interested in your comments in relation to some of the suggestions in a book which did not appeal to you as it was about watching oneself all the time. That is where I fell out with CBT as it asked me to watch myself, keep a diary, etc. Instead I want to focus outwards as in reality it is not the content of the current anxiety that matters – it is the fact that I am anxious and it can attach itself to anything. When I have had some good time I have the awful habit of almost trawling through my issues looking for something to be anxious about. If by any chance that issue becomes resolved then the anxiety will just go looking for another target instead. I have had a day or so of doing that – one step back at the moment for me, but I am still getting on with life. Friends coming over tonight and hopefully that will be the distraction I need.

  588. Doreen Says:

    Hi Jo – thinking about you. Fingers crossed for tomorrow but no shame on you if you don’t make it.

  589. Rick Says:

    Paul, I agree with you 100%. I have not read either one of those books from cover to cover, and I dont know if I will. I strongly advise anyone on here to use your methods first and foremost and use anything else only to supplement. I think if you try to put too much on your plate then you may get flustered with all of the information. I believe it depends on where you’re at in your recovery and if you think you’re ready. Reading other material may actually be counter-productive and it’s certainly not wise to think you have to buy every book out there or that is recommended. For me, they offer insight on a path to more postive thinking. I’m at the point where I want to keep improving and focus on developing a more positive outlook on life. I don’t dig through these books looking for answers on how to get through anxiety. Your book and this blog have provided me with all of those answers. You have to give credit where credit is due and the reason I am this positive now is because of Paul’s book and this website. It’s up to the individual to discern what is best for him/her in any given situation and use the tools at their disposal to overcome. It’s possible. Thanks again, Paul…and to everyone on here, take care.

  590. Jo Says:

    Thanks Doreen. I will try my best to go but if i don’t manage it well i’ll try not to be too disappointed with myself. If I do go I will be taking Paul’s book with me!

  591. Jo Says:

    Debbie, so glad you managed to get out in the country, and enjoyed it. I know what you mean about good and bad days. I do that too. I think it is only natural. It is not easy trying to stay positive, we can only do what we can do.We just have to keep trying and take some pride in that. take care. x

  592. Will Says:

    Hi everyone, I just got back from my hols. Tunisia was great, weather could’ve been better though. Looking back through the posts, I noticed Doreen’s post referring to my sleeping problems. Thanks for your concern Doreen.

    No big surprise, the same happened again on the first night. I only managed to get three hours of sleep before we left the house at 2:30am to go on hols. Forced to stay awake until the following night (I can’t sleep in the daytime at all, even when I’m tired), I didn’t feel “with it”, my head feeling strange and light. And every time I tried to sleep that night, I started to shiver violently, preventing me from even relaxing. Eventually my body went to sleep of its own accord, but it was hours later and was followed by being jolted awake by a bizarre dream-like thought that filled my head completely for a few minutes, causing me to shiver again.

    And there were certain nights where I’d lie awake for hours on end, not feeling tired in the slightest. Obviously this made me anxious and my mind raced. Last night I had the same problem (almost to the point where I thought I had insomnia or something), only getting about 4 or 5 hours of sleep this time. Well I’m back home now and the lack of recent sleep is starting to make me feel “not with it” and “funny-headed” again, even as I type this. However, this time it’s different. Because I’m at home in familiar surroundings and in my own bed at last, my feelings won’t be nearly as bad as they were abroad, but I still do worry that I’m gonna have another night terror or something. I could nap, but I don’t do napping (as I said, I can’t sleep during the day). I feel like I’m just trying to keep myself awake and “together” until tonight where I can (try to) sleep.

    And what’s worse, I start uni again tomorrow morning. 😛

  593. Vamanan Says:

    Hi all,

    I still have few persistent issues (written at the end) even though I feel like I have recovered a lot. I would like some advice on it.

    Around mid of last year I was in a hell. My negative thinking patterns from childhood (E.g.: Worrying over negative/imperfect stuff, Trying to get rid of unwanted thoughts and feelings etc.) slowly grew into a monster. I was in a very anxious state with all the symptoms of anxiety and was very fed up. I felt completely lost and lost appetite, personality, any was unable to focus. After spending a lot of time on this website, Paul’s book and some similar resources I realized getting on with my life while not fighting with anxiety is the only way out. It was slow progress at times painful but few good days made me realize it will get better. Also I learnt a lot during this time about my negative thinking ways and now when I see them I don’t go in a loop anymore and let it pass on its own. I am a better person now even better than I was before it went downhill. I don’t fear things I used to fear anymore. You will not believe how much disbelief I had when it was so bad. But it got better on its own. I would like to thank Paul and everyone here for sharing their experience to help others. It would have been such a lonely battle without you.

    Even though I feel I had recovered a lot, I still feel certain things bothering and wondering if it can get better. In most mornings, I feel like a slight tension headache which gets better after few hours. I sometimes feel like I miss the freshness of the morning. During this time my mind is very active that I have to remind myself to not get caught up in any of the “worry” it brings in. Some days I do get caught up specially when I drive through traffic and get frustrated.

    Other issue is my vision is still struggling with things like dry eye which only started for me during my anxious days. I have checked up with eye doctor who said my eye pressure is high and gave me drops which I use. I also feel somewhat strange in too bright sunny days.

    If anyone else is familiar with these two issues, I will appreciate if you can share.


  594. Matt Says:

    Yeah, things still going great, i forgot what DP felt like to be honest. I mean, it’s so weird, what was I worried about? Normality is back I can function like a normal human being 100% and I look forward to every day getting up and doing stuff. It’s nice when you get to the other side, it’s like paul said, when he fully recovered it’s like your first love, you just know. Well, I just know. I don’t struggle anymore, I don’t fight, and it went away really fast for me. Now, that doesn’t mean anxiety won’t come back, but, getting this far past it, it really doesn’t matter because my mind recovered to the point to where when stupid thoughts come, they leave as soon as they come, in the anxiety/dp state, those thoughts consumed me and stuck like glue for days, weeks, months because my brain was so worn out and needed a rest, that’s why they stuck, that’s why the anxiety stuck around. I don’t feel like an empty shell anymore, the only, and i mean, only thing that is going on is that my emotions haven’t fully came back yet. They have a lot, but not fully. But, I know there’s no need to worry, they’ll be back 100% because I have faith in myself.

    Stop running around in circles questioning every single thing, oh my vision! oh a headache! oh, my toe hurts! So what! You’re beating your mind up because you made it a habit, it’s the worry and negativity keeping you in that cycle. Guess what, before I had anxiety, i occasionally had the same physical problems here and there, but I didn’t care I was busy with other things in life. In the anxiety state, we become too self-aware of our issues, even petty ones, that it bothers us we worry about it at all. That’s the point! It’s not you, it’s a tired, WORN out mind that keeps you in that state. If it was healthy, none of you would be on here right now and this blog would be empty. So allow it to heal, you have that choice, so make it like I did, you won’t regret, promise.

  595. Monica Says:

    Yay Matt!!! I just wanna be in ur position so badly atm lol!. Dp is bad tonight and after SUCHA good weekend it’s disconcerting. I came on here feeling down and your post was just what i needed to read. Thanks and keep going this way!

  596. Doreen Says:

    Looks like Jo might have gone to London as there is no blog from her on here this morning. Fingers crossed for her

  597. MonikaS Says:

    Matt I am desperate for a quiet mind but just can’t seem to get it. At best I get stuck into a hundred household chores in the hope of being so active my brain doesn’t have time to think but the minute I stop I can’t sit still and my mind is raving again. Now my IBS is back although thankfully I didn’t have any panic attacks at the weekend despite going back to work after a holiday. I just want to sleep for a hundred years as I never feel rested regardless of how much or little sleep I get.
    I am really trying to stay positive, keep going and find things to look forward to but it’s exhausting. How am I to relax my mind when I’m constantly having to give myself pep talks to get through the day?

  598. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Just to let everyone know I am doing a tour of Devon and Cornwall in 3 weeks so wont be around for quite a while. 3 month in fact.

    I will still be posting on twitter on occasions as I can do this through my phone, but it will be difficult on here due to the lack of internet access although I will if I get chance. The blog will not suffer in anyway as I have more than one person to keep moderating the place whilst I am away and I will do a post just before I go.

    The retreats are something I have wanted to do for a while and something I am really looking forward to, most are working holidays so I can get cheap accomadation and it really is a time for me to get back to nature, get my fitness back and meet loads of new people. Just a total detox whilst having loads of new experiences in one of the most beautiful parts of the country.

    I will post pics and updates on twitter so again if anyone wishes to follow me its @anxietynomoreuk

    Thanks Paul

  599. Doreen Says:

    Have a wonderful time Paul.

  600. Bill Says:

    Hi all,dont know if Josh is out there but if anyone can reassure me i would be very grateful.I have had a good day up till an hour ago,i have driven out of my comfort zone and gone to places i have not been to fore over a year and was feeling quite pleased although it was tough.I have come back and had a big sort of head shock wheni went to the fridge,like a sudden surge to the head.I then went to the computer where i have had a series of shocks to the head and feel very light headed when i look at the computer,also feels like surges to the side of my head .Very frightening,feels like you are passing out for a second,any comments would be great,thanks,Bill.

  601. Michelle Z Says:

    Hi Bill – I know exactly what you mean. Kind of like an electrical shock. As hard as it is to believe, it is only anxiety. You will not pass out. And congratulations for driving out of your comfort zone and going to places you haven’t been to in so long! That is awesome! Pat yourself on the back. Just let all feelings be there.

    I’ve been doing very well except for a few phobias. One of which is anything medical related. The interesting thing is that I actually do have some medical related issues going on and so I am getting to learn how not to be afraid while going through them. One is trying to get my blood pressure under control, which includes having to check my BP. I get nervous about it and actually cause it to be higher. So I am teaching myself to take it and just let it go. Whatever the result is, it is. If it’s high, it’s high. And little by little, I am not getting upset about it. One week ago today, I had myself so upset and it was so high and I kept it high. I decided to really work on not doing that anymore. It is what it is. If I have to take new medicine, than that is what I will do. I can get through this.

    Thanks for listening and y’all just keep on keeping on!

  602. Michelle Z Says:

    Hi MonikaS – Your answers lie in your post. “I am desperate for a quiet mind.” “I am really trying to stay positive, keep going and find things to look forward to but it’s exhausting. How am I to relax my mind when I’m constantly having to give myself pep talks to get through the day?” As long as you are “desperate” for a quiet mind, you won’t have it. If you are “constantly having to give yourself pep talks,” you won’t have a quiet mind. You have to just let it all go. Accept it all. It’s okay if your mind is not quiet right now. It won’t be. But you have to be willing to let it be the way it is. Once you can master acceptance of all your symptoms, they won’t matter anymore. As Matt stated above, stop questioning everything and beating your mind up. Once you can learn to give your mind a break, it will calm down. Honest. Believe those of us who have been able to do it. Is it easy? Not usually at first. But just get on with living your life and before you know it, you will be feeling so much better. It’s about learning to live your life no matter how you’re feeling or what’s going on.

    You can do it, Monika!!

  603. Bill Says:

    Thanks Michelle Z, I know Josh has passed on words about these feelings before,it is just that i find them so scary when they come,especially in threes or fours which i hadnt had before.I used to check the BP regularly,mine was high for which i take propranolol to slow the heart down,i was still checking regularly after this and the BP was still high,however the doctor said to stop checking and guess what,a little while later it was fine.Thanks again for your encouragement and very best wishes,Bill.

  604. Michelle Z Says:

    You are welcome, Bill! Hang in there. It does get easier with time. I know it’s hard to believe, but this really does work.

    And thank you for the comments on the BP. I’m on meds, too, but for some reason they don’t seem to be working as well anymore. I had stopped taking my BP as well, but when I went to the doc, he decided to try me on something new. And we’ve been working on it the last couple of weeks. I am better off not checking it, too, but because of another health issue with my heart, I have to make sure it stays within a normal range. So they told me today to take it twice a day for the next couple of days. Of course, now it’s in my head and I’m doing my best to just let it go and not worry about it. Ha, ha! I will get lots of practice this week, huh?

    Take care!

  605. Debbie Says:

    Doreen, I hope your right and Jo has gone to London, I had noticed she wasn’t on here this morning.
    I’ve been feeling fed just the doctors (mental health one) whose supposed to know all about anxiety, they are just so useless they really don’t get it! I feel like giving them Paul’s book!
    Does anyone else feel as though they are battling on their own, friends seem to disappear and family say they don’t know what to say anymore, so feeling very alone!

  606. DCYL Says:

    Hey All,

    Lots of folks around so hope everyone is well. I wanted to let Paul know that if there was a vote for “Post Of The Year”, then I would vote for this one! :) Here’s why…….

    For the most part, I feel pretty well lately but my MIND wanders to different things a lot. Today was an example. As I have felt better lately, I have gone back to reading some self help books (non anxiety stuff). In fact, I can understand what Vamanan is feeling as I’ve been thinking that “I have some stuff I want to improve on”.

    However, I was a little tired / sleepy today as I drove to play some basketball. My mind started to get a little obsess over some of my imperfections and it spiraled down hill a bit. There was some sweating and small amount of worry as I went through this for a “few minutes”.

    Fortunately, the feeling passed and I had some exercise which took my thoughts away from my “imperfections”. As I drove home right now, I realized that Paul’s POST is speaking to me again.

    I’m worried about my “perceived past experiences” (imperfections) and what they mean for my “future experiences” (what I am reading some self help books). Instead, I really should just stop worrying about the past / future and live in the present.

    I do want to ask people here if anyone reads other self help books besides Paul’s stuff. I’m curious what people’s thoughts are on “self help”.

    The books I were reading were semi-spiritual and I’m aware that I can’t let anxiety from doing certain things. Unfortunately, the nature of self help books is to make you think and when you’re in anxiety, reading these things may not help. A bit of a vicious cycle I would say.

    Thanks for reading all and hope is well. :)

  607. DCYL Says:


    I just saw your message. If you are feeling alone, do remember you have people here. While electronic support is nowhere as good as talking to someone via phone or in person, you aren’t alone. I have one friend who I can usually call and get support. I have other friends around who I can call and talk to as well.

    I’m sure there will be people who don’t understand why we are the way we are. However, your true friends will stick by you regardless.

  608. Doreen Says:

    Hi Debbie – no you are not alone, but I do agree that anxiety can make one feel very isolated. If you did feel you needed to talk to somebody the ‘No Panic’ helpline does have volunteers who themselves have experienced anxiety. I used that service many times when I was in a really bad way some years ago. But I do sense a community on this blog and think we all have a lot of empathy for each other. I hope this helps a bit

  609. Anthony Says:

    Hello Everyone,

    Hope all is well.

    DCYL – here are some of the books I have been reading lately.

    Joy of Living – Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche (he lived with anxiety, panic)
    Buddha’s Brain – The Neuroscience of Happiness, Love, and Wisdom – Rick Hanson
    Faith: Trusting Your Own Deepest Experience – Sharon Salzburg
    F**k It – John Parkin

    All four books I have enjoyed. Joy of Living and Buddha’s brain I found interesting with respect to neuroscience, neuroplasticity, meditation, mindfulness, etc. Faith I enjoyed her story and journey. F**k It I am currently reading. It’s a funny read (if you don’t mind some profanity) but does have some good points.

    Some books I have yet to read are:

    The latest John Kabat-Zinn book.
    The Emotional Life of Your Brain: How Its Unique Patterns Affect the Way You Think, Feel, and Live–and How You Can Change Them by Richard Davidson
    Uncertainty: Turning Fear and Doubt into Fuel for Brilliance by Jonathan Fields

    Have a nice day,


  610. Teresa Says:

    Hi Lorry – i’m glad things seem to be a bit better for you all round – this recovery is peaks and troughs! The pilates sound good and my back is improving too with excercises and acupuncture – although when the anxiety is bad i home in on it negatively and frighten myself! So its heartening to hear your back is improving.
    Yes – the fact you don’t let anxiety stop you doing anything is very good, I am looking to include some more ‘outside’ things from the home – i work from home so I need to interact a bit more. I get out plenty – but could still do with joining in something.
    I agree that when we were ‘recovered’ we probably still thought we were en route to recovery – a lot of anxiety I believe is down to low moods which in turn create negative thinking. i am learning that thoughts are directly linked to ‘feelings’ and like Matt said, even a bad toe is a disaster if you have anxiety! I know i have been there. Hope you are improving.
    Hope Jo has a good trip to London, sure we are all thinking of her.
    Debbie – you are not alone, we have all been there and felt like that – and probably people without anxiety have felt like that when seeking help too. Its only when you find someone who has been there too can you feel less lonely. You won’t feel like that always – it will pass.
    Excellent advice Michelle – learning to live your life regardless of what is going on – so true.
    Paul – Have a ball!

  611. Joshua Says:

    Hi Bill
    That’s great to hear you left comfort zones and visited some old places! You should proud of yourself for that, I know how that can be tough. But you did it that’s great! One of the benefits of my trip was that I was already committed so I couldn’t back out and there were definitely times I wished I could until I realized, hey I can do this, I knew I could. And man am I so happy I did. I got head shocks and dips and wobbles but I kept going and so did you. It really does prove that this is something we can deal with and live alongside with. Huge step to recovery!
    The passing out head shock feelings I used to get in multiples too especially when pushing yourself forward or relaxing afterwards ( like sitting at the computer or getting a drink from the fridge). Strange that it would feel that way afterwards, but it does. I’d get them bad when stopping at a rest area on the drive to California. I would just let them be there, not worry abou them because they become more of a nuisance that something to be afraid of once you know where they are coming from and then they leave after a while. It’s almost as if they have a mind of their own and say “well, this doesn’t seem to scare him anymore, we’ll try it for a little while longer and if that don’t work,
    well I guess we have to give up for now”.
    It’s great to hear you did that Bill even with anxiety. Maybe there are some more places you would like to visit now that you know you can do it? The head shocks and dizziness may still be there but they become less intense when you aren’t afraid of them and eventually they leave. Glad to hear from you and it’s good to know you are making good progress!

  612. Bill Says:

    Hey Josh,many thanks again for your encouragement and well done on your epic trip,a great achievment and one to be well and truly proud of.These shocks just hit me in a flurry which i had never had before,hence my anxiety levels jumping,i guess i had been having a good day up till then but you know what,it doesn’t matter,yes i am i bit more dizzy today but i have been to an auction and spent 1 and a half hours there so feel okay even if my legs are jelly,i know you know that feeling.Thanks again and best wishes to all,Bill.

  613. Monica Says:

    DCYL – As I’ve been in the anxiety spiral before, PERSONALLY, I try not to read self-help books as I find they keep you too focused on yourself, when the whole idea behind recovering from you anxiety is to momentarily step outside of inward thinking and to immerse yourself in external activities. That’s just my two cents. If I start focusing on self-help ideas and exercises it keeps me all to aware and actually leads to more dp feelings…But that’s just me. If you find it’s helping, the go for it.

  614. DCYL Says:


    Thanks for the response. I agree with you. That is why I had not looked at some books I had for a LONG time. I instinctively knew that it wasn’t too good for me to think anymore than I already was.

    HOWEVER, I thought I had gotten a little bit better to the point where things were ok. As I learned though, I am not quite 100% there yet. So the books can go back into the shelf (or virtual shelf as I have some ebooks) for now and just relax and enjoy life.

  615. nicky Says:

    Hi All.

    This is my first time on here, so hello. Just a question. I’ve had anxiety for about 5 months now,i must say it is getting a lot better since ive read pauls book. Wow it made so much sense. So thank you a bundle.

    So the only thing that i keep doing is thinking a particular thought that scares me so much. It is what if the anxiety turns into something else. Ive been told that you cant bring something on with anxiety. is that true. And why am i thinking this way.

  616. Carlie Says:

    Hey guys, I don’t think I’ve posted here in awhile. Nothing has really changed, I’m not feeling any worse at least! I have had moments where I feel like I can get out of this. But I’m still not doing much, so everything is still a blur at times… I have a question though. With DP, have any of you ever felt almost disoriented after actually getting out and about and doing things? For example, last weekend I went to my cousin’s birthday party and everything was fine at first, but after awhile it was like my brain felt overwhelmed and overstimulated by everything around me. And sometimes it happens after I’ve been somewhere and I come home. When I get home, I feel kinda strange and disoriented, like I said earlier. I try not to let it bother me, but I was just wondering if anyone else had any experience with this?

  617. Doreen Says:

    Hi Nicky – I do understand what you mean in that you have a somewhat obsessive fear to which your mind keeps returning. That is all it is though – anxiety does not develop into anything else. I have a somewhat similar problem in that when I have felt very ok. I then worry that it won’t last. I then think about something that has caused me anxiety and blow me if the anxiety doesn’t come flooding back. Almost like I have to check out that it it still there. When I was in a very bad way some years ago. I developed a fear of traffic on the road outside the house. Not that I would be hurt by the traffic but the noise made me feel terribly anxious. That is the one to which I return more often than any other – did it yesterday for instance. So i take a deep breath and accept the presence of the anxiety once more. hard work but I am sure we are getting there slowly.

  618. nicky Says:

    thank you so much for your reply Doreen. Im just having a bad day i guess. I just need to keep telling my self its just anxiety,its just a thought. I guess i just needed some Renascence from someone else. so thank you again.

  619. Debbie Says:

    Carlie, I get the same symptoms it’s horrible but u just have to ignore it, sounds like u do anyway, look back on posts abouts DP they r helpful.
    Someone on an earlier post wrote about low mood, I find if I feel low everything seems worse, if I wake up and it’s raining and dark it’s usually a sure sign of how the days going to be, like anyone would feel but to an anxiety sufferer it blows everything out of proportion so before I’ve got out of bed I’ve told myself it’s a bad day, this is where changing your thoughts come in, it’s not easy tho.
    Talking about returning thoughts mine is fear of the fear, when I recovered last time I spent about six months worrying it was going to all come back, but gradually it faded away and I never even thought about it anymore, it’s funny cos people say well how did you recover last time, just do the same now, I can’t remember how I recovered I remember it was hell but it just seemed to go, it took a long time but I can’t say I did this or that which made it go, wish I did know then I could get on with my life.

  620. marcb Says:

    Hi all, I normally write on here when I’m struggling slightly,so its a nice change to write when I’m feeling ok! Do I still have anxiety? Yes I do, but it most definitely seems to be weakening. Slowly but surely its starting to sink in what Paul says about not trying to get rid of it, to let be there. For the first time in…… Well let’s just say a VERY long time, I do start to feel like I’m giving up the fight. I sincerely hope you are all well, and if you’re not, you will be, honestly, you will be……… Marcb

  621. Jerry Says:

    Times good. Just wanted to share with you guys that I am going on over 5 months now with NO anxiety. In fact, I had a house fire last month and to my suprise, I reacted calm, not overly anxious and still continue to live life with the nagging thoughts, sensations or dread. I literally had to 2 minutes to get my wife and two kids out and save my two dogs from a burning house. I managed to save one of our vehicles but lost my car and about 90% of our belongings. My family and I have basically been homeless for the past month and have been bunking with friends, we finally now have a place to live until the repairs are completed. Money is tight, emotions are high, the future looks vague, but thank God there isn’t the burden of anxiety.

    All that to say, there is hope and it wasn’t until I visited this site that it all made sense. So press on!


  622. Jo Says:

    Hi all.Well I did it! Got back from London this afternoon, and although I had a very bad start to the morning before leaving, it has actually done me good. I am not better by any means but I learned I could cope much better than I had imagined. No daytime panics, even though I was so hyped up about going on the underground. Did have a couple of weird middle of night episodes but managed those too, by taking Paul’s words to mind. Feels a bit strange being back by my self but not as bad as I thought either, and the train journey back was ok too. I know this doesn’t mean I am ‘cured’ but it has given me a well needed boost. Hope everyone is ok. xx

  623. mm16 Says:

    oh jo so pleased for you…well done xxxxx i want to be as brave as you

  624. Jo Says:

    Paul I hope you have a great time, you deserve it. x

  625. Jo Says:

    Thanks mm16. If you had seen me Monday morning you wouldn’t have thought me brave, I was throwing up and shaking like a jelly! It will come, if I can do it, anyone can. x

  626. Doreen Says:

    Well done Jo. As you will see further back there were some of us thinking about you and wondering if you had got there. I am having to do the ‘living with anxiety’ bit at the moment. Great day yesterday and pretty hard today. However, I got on with the day as if there wasn’t a constant tension in my middle plus waves of anxiety and glad that I have done so. Out tonight at my book group and not trying to hope anything other than I manage to get some pleasure out of the evening.

  627. mm16 Says:

    hi jo ,, you say it doesnt mean your cured ?? my goodness jo it means you are on your way though , so, so pleased that you went xx

  628. Debbie Says:

    Well done Jo we have all been dying to know how u got on, I bet u r so glad u did it and it sounds as tho it’s given u a boost, I wish I could’ve been brave like u in going back to work! Keep going down that bumpy road of recovery another bump out the way what will be ur next one? x

  629. Teresa Says:

    Well done Jo – that experience will help feed you mind with confidence. It may not mean you are completely cured but it does lift the restraining order you have felt with the anxiety. Very liberating – and something to build on.
    Debbie don’t be hard on yourself – anxiety works in strange ways and you will go back to work, believe me. It’s all to do with timing, be pleased you were brave enough to tackle it – and when you feel stronger you will try again – it will come, believe me. Nothing stays the same.
    Jerry – wonderful post, very inspiring. hope things improve for you and you soon get a more settled situation. thanks for sharing your story with us.
    Dorren – hope the book club went well and gave your mind a breath of fresh air.

  630. Mark R Says:

    Hi all,

    Sorry for not posting as its been a very long time (almost a year) since I have. I have been recovering well and have hardly thought about anxiety at all for the past 3 months or so. I have done so many positive things over the past 2 years and thought I was past it all.

    To cut a long story short I have been feeling off for a week or so now, with stomach problems, feeling low and anxiety symptoms. I had a panic attack at the gym on Monday and for the following hour sat in the car with all these vile thoughts going through my head that I was going to be back to square one. This evening has been pretty bad too, I have cried for the first time in almost a year, I feel so stressed out at the moment. Guess I just need some reassurance as at the moment it is bringing it all back what I went through two years ago.

    Anyones comments are appreciated.


  631. Mark R Says:

    Sorry I forgot to mention that the only time I really feel anxiety at its peak is when I have a physical illness, mainly due to my stomach problems. I dont go to the loo for days at a time and it really makes me feel the anxiety symptoms. I feel like that at the moment but still have that old niggling that I am heading back to square one……I guess the feeling is just the same.

  632. Monica Says:

    Congratulations Jo, we’re proud of you!

  633. James jones Says:

    Hey all just a quick one. Have had a few habits since my anxiety began like unblocking my ears constantly, twitching shoulder etc but my cbt therapist has told me I need to cut down how much I do them as its keeping me in the cycle. I now seem to spend my whole day getting stressed about stopping doing them. After re reading Paul’s book tonight it says I need to accept them and don’t try and control them which is what I’m trying to do if I take the advice of the cbt therapist. The trying to control it seems to be making me more anxious. So should I just do the twitches etc for now and try not to control them. I’m slightly confused as the information I have been given from the cbt therapist is contradicting Paul’s advice. I might be reading it wrong but if not can someone advise me what’s best.

  634. Matt Says:

    Carlie…good to see you posting again, I was wondering when I’d hear from you. Listen, as I’ve said before, you have to force yourself to get out and about, that’s what i’ve done and I don’t have DP anymore. I have a little fogginess and weirdness occasionally, but that’s it. I don’t ignore it, I allow it to be there while focusing on other things. I do volunteer work, in school, working, friends, and don’t have time for much dwelling and feeling sorry for myself. It’s hard as hell to do at first, but trust me, get out and do things, be productive and the cloud will lift and you will be yourself again without even realizing it. That’s how it happened to me, I was my old self again without even realizing it happened. It’s like this natural progressing back into me because I stopped the questioning and worrying. You can do it, I know you can.

  635. Monica Says:

    So glad the dps gone for u Matt! U reall have persevered through this!
    I feel really fed up tonight, not like I want this to go away already fed up, but fed up in my reaction twrds anxiety. Gosh it’s ALL I think about … I was doing good 2 weeks ago, so I know this is a setback and that’s okay.. But honestly im so sick of ruminating and getting caught up in my thoughts and feelings I’m sick of myself lol! I need to stop researching it 24/7 for one and just take a break from obsessing over it. I’ve just been So caught up in dp and anxious thinking latel y and it needs to stop,.. Grrrr

  636. Matt Says:

    monica….I did the same thing, research it and it was all I did 24/7. But the thing that got me out of it, was getting back into life. working, school, etc. If all you do is research, then your gonna be stuck in that negative cycle like I was for months. You have to learn to accept it and move on however you’re feeling. When I did that, things slowly became better and I felt more like myself. Right now I volunteer with drug addicts and adolescents with family problems, there is no way in heck I could do that a few months ago!! For me, I had to move on, even if the weird thoughts were still there and obsessions, I still had to move on. Eventually, they began to fade, but it wasn’t a fast process, it was slow. I went from, “is it still there? what are my symptoms today?” to, “If it’s there, then let it be, I’m still gonna get on with my life.” It’s all about changing your attitude towards it, like me and countless others have said, it’s your body protecting you, and it bothers you because you can’t fix it right away.

    If you were doing good two weeks ago, then what makes you think you can’t get out of it? It is your reaction towards it that is keeping it around. Don’t research it any further, and definitely don’t go on any of the forums, because they are extremely depressing and will make you feel worse. It will get better when you just let it be and get on with life, no matter how hard it is right now, trust me on this. Hope everyone is doing good!

  637. Lai Says:

    DCYL – The thing with anxiety is that we are occupied either by thoughts of the past or the future thereby missing out on the present moment. I highly recommend reading The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. Suffice it to saying, it did a lot to my way to recovery. I hope it helps you, too.

  638. James jones Says:

    Hi. Just wondering if anyone has any thoughts on my earlier post. I’ve come along way since I bought Paul’s book. I no longer avoid places started driving everywhere again and all the other symptoms but these little ocd’s ivebeen getting seem to be the final hurdle that I can’t get over and it’s starting to really bother me as they are not fading. To the point where I’ve gone back on tablets to relax me more to take them on. Didn’t want to go back on tablets but they were getting me down that much I just needed a little help to try and sort them.

  639. Jo Says:

    Thank you everyone for your congratulations. I still felt strange and a bit anxious whilst there but there was so much else going on to distract me from thinking about how I felt constantly. The worst times were waking at 2am, not knowing where I was for a while and again on waking around 5am and trying to stop the anxious thoughts.
    Feeling a bit apprehensive about being on my own all day but I know it will wear off as the day goes on. Also concentrating on this evening when my friend is coming for tea.
    Debbie don’t feel bad about work – that is different, it is a longer commitment than a couple of days away. Just take it as it comes.
    Monica, you too. You have felt good before and it will come again. My anxiety is there all the time too but my days in London have shown me it is having something else to distract me that has helped. Unfortunately we can’t have that all the time, it would probably be too exhausting anyway. I am feeling quite detached this morning but I will try not to let it get to me. Take care. xxx

  640. Doreen Says:

    James – silly question I guess but have you had your ears syringed? Maybe that would unblock them anyway. I have to have that done about every couple of years. Personally I prefer Paul’s school of thought to CBT which can be too much about focusing one oneself and not enough about ‘feel the fear and do it anyway’. I think both ‘methods’ meet however at the position where the emphasis is upon not letting negative thoughts dominate. I don’t know where this leaves you. Don’t give yourself a hard time for taking tablets – they can be the crutch you need whilst you get stronger in yourself

  641. James jones Says:

    The problem is im constantly unblocking it probably 50 times a day. Had them syringed many times. Its become an obsession really but when for eg im on holiday it goes. Do i accept it and keep unblocking or by doing it am i keeping myself in the circle. This is the final hurdle i need answers for.

  642. Teresa Says:

    Personally I would either stop unblocking your ear – finish and accept that if it is not there on holiday it is anxiety. Believe me i know that is not easy but I can tell you that i had a problem last year that I obessesed over in my mouth. I went to the Doctor – over a period of months on about 4 occaisons, saw several doctors. This thing really gripped me, it was what i thought about nearly all day. One doctor had the guts to tell me there is nothing wrong with you – and if you have feelings/pain there its nothing to worry about. I decided to not continue the routines i had got into in addressing the issue. The urge would come and i would tell myself, there is nothing to address – it was not easy but it went within days –
    Some really sound advice – I am sure we are all grateful for you sharing this with us.
    I’m having a struggle at the moment to leave go of symptoms which were related to a back injury. I now have to rehabilitate my mind as it is continuing to tell me i have something to worry about and is exaggerating what is left of my injury – somedays my ‘mind’ is in the right place and everything is a lot better physically and mentally – not perfect but not an issue. Other days when my mind is not ok, it worries – the pain becomes more of an issue and … So today I’m off to get involved in a project and start trying to ‘normalise’ life.
    Monica – if you can drop the research , it really does not help. I’m not sure what stage you’re at but if it’s dp that’s bothering you do try to get out and mix or if you can’t mix just get out. Even a spot of gardening if you can manage it will help. Hope you feel better soon – we all understand.
    Jo – hope the tea goes well and that you manage your day at home. take care.

  643. James jones Says:

    When i lose the ear symptoms by not unblocking and obsessing over it it moves on to a twitch in my muscle in my shoulder. It just keeps moving around. Do i just keep trying to stop these till they all go away then??

  644. Teresa Says:

    The only thing you can do with the twitch is try not to get involved with doing anything to it. The fact that you lose the ear symptoms only to be replaced byt the shoulder twitch shows it is all anxiety – now i know the catch 22 question is, it maybe anxiety but I don’t like it and i want rid of it. This comes back to ‘living’ with it for now. you have reached a very satisfactory place if you have established that these things go or replce each other in certain circumstances – this should stop you from thinking what do i have to do to get rid of them. I know this is not as easy as i make it sound but it really is a case that you need to realise they are not ‘real'(meaning they do not have to be addressed or researched into) as much as you think they are. If you can watch them be overtaken when you are distracted that is a good thing – but all in all try and live normally with them and then they will in time disappear – believe me they will. The trisck then is to not let something else replace them. good luck.

  645. James jones Says:

    I dont know whether im being stupid here but do i try not to do the ocds then???

  646. Teresa Says:

    I am not an expert in ocd but I would say (and perhaps someone else can back me up on this) that as far as the ear unblocking goes either stop completely – or start by limiting it, it is a habit, a compulsive habit and habits can be broken. I know its not easy but all of a sudden you will see that it is not important for you to do it and from there you will feel released from the compulsion. With the twitches – i expect that is not a ‘concsious’ effort anyway so the best thing you can do with that is to dismiss it, I have a twitch – so what. Things have to lose thier importance James, I know its difficult but thats the best way you’ll drop them. Are you actively doing other things like ‘living’ the way you would normally.

  647. James jones Says:

    Yes theresa i have literally taken everything full on and work everyday, go out, go away with friends. This is just the final hurdle i am struggling with but when trying to stop my ocds i find it so stressfull because i feel like im battling to stop it. With this the anxiety comes back. Im twitching my shoulder that much i end up with a sore muscle. Or with the ear the same where my swallowing muscles on my left side becone sore. Thanks for the advice everyone i will just crack on and try and stop these horrible habits till they go away. Really appreciate the advice and glad this forum is here as it can help so many people with problems to get over that hurdle.

  648. Teresa Says:

    Ok James – you sound to me like you are doing very well. i think that this last bit is just hanging on till you settle down a bit more. Hearing how well you are doing try not to be hard on yourself, I’m sure the way you’re going you’ll soon be ok.

  649. James jones Says:

    Thanks for all the help. Xxx

  650. Jeff Says:

    James, I’m unsure what you mean, but there could be some replacement strategies to help you with this. Do you actually insert an appendage into your ear canal? Don’t answer, but if you do, you could get some in-ear headphones (ear-buds) and play some calming music or something or a podcast. The in-ear headphones are cheap and comfortable. They might trick you into thinking it’s clear. Also, if indeed “unblocking” is what I refer to as “popping,” you can chew gum like you would on a flight to relieve excess pressure in your inner ear from altitude. Just some suggestions, James, straight from the applied behavior analysis playbook. Replacing problem behaviors with healthier ones is a great way to ween yourself from bad habits; for me it was tea-tree-oil toothpicks for smoking. It works sometimes. Good luck to you. Hope all of you are well and progressing apace.

  651. Human Clay Says:

    I know my thoughts keep racing. It seems many that have posted in here are from the uk. I am I’m the States. It seems like you all haver the option of taking off work if you get to overwhelmed. My problem is that it is hard for me to do my job with anxiety,and is a stressful job. My boss is really unhappy with me and I am getting the impression she wants me to leave. My performance review was the worst I have ever received. I am a torn on what to do. I am looking for another job. I’m afraid to quit because off the economy and I would lose my health benefits if i did. I wish people were more understanding of this.Is it easier to get help in the uk? Does anyone else fear getting fired? I fear that, then i think i won’t ber able to find a job and I’ll lose it all. Its this just anxiety?

  652. MonikaS Says:

    Michelle – thanks for the advice. I absolutely can see what you are saying makes sense it is just that trying to get on with life and live in the here and now is hard when you have become accustomed to living in your own head. I am probably expecting too much too soon and need to learn to accept how I’m feeling as you say. This is not easy for me as I was raised on emotional suppression and stiff upper lip syndrome (as I’m sure many of us were) and I automatically try to counter emotions and talk myself round as a reflex. I can’t seem to actually cry anymore, even though at times I think it would be a good stress release, and can actually feel my body tense & attempt to compose itself despite part of my brain trying to relax and let it be.

    I guess I need to move my thinking on and realise that accepting my anxiety is not the same as giving in to it.

  653. Monica Says:

    Thanks Matt and Teresa. Helpful to hear. Dp just has to be the scariest symptom. I feel divorced from myself, like I’m this one little corner of my brain and everything else is unfamiliar about me. I’ve even been avoiding mirrors as just seeing me and looking into it bring about the sense of dp. It’s so weird and hard to explain but we’ve all dealt with it. It has gotten better and I know but by bit I’ll feel all of me again at some point!
    Cheers xx

  654. Jo Says:

    Doreen, sorry i missed answering your post. I know what you mean about the waves of anxiety, I get those too,a and find them very difficult. I think I was expecting I would be better after coping with the trip, but I realise that is a silly thought.
    MonikaS, I too was brought up to believe your problems are your own! But I have found that sharing is much better for you. I can’t cry either, I don’t know how long it is since I did, but sometimes the feeling that I want to is almost overwhelming. In a way I feel afraid to in case I can’t stop.
    Human Clay, That must be a very difficult situation for you. I’m afraid that people who have not experienced the terrible feelings of anxiety and depression just don’t understand how bad it is. My previous doctor told me it is as hard as someone suffering cancer. But everyone has sympathy with that illness, because it something they understand. x

  655. Debbie Says:

    Human clay I know what u mean about work and ur boss, my boss wasnt understanding at all, she’s one of the lucky ones who is never ill, so something u can’t see is a deffo no no, I left because of the anxiety but was hoping to go back on reduced hours after the Easter break but I got in such a state I couldn’t go, I think because I knew what she was like it didn’t help the anxiety of going, shes even more annoyed with me now.
    The help here in the uk i haven’t found good at all, but that’s me it may be better for some, I find if u want other options rather than medication you’ve had it, I didn’t find cognitive behaviour therapy very helpful, i had to keep a diary and there was a lot of work books so I seemed to be filling things out all day so my mind was constantly on how I was feeling.
    Monica I had to smile to myself when u said u were fed up with yourself, I get like that, totally sick of thinking full stop!
    Well, I did my bit for the church yterday, I volunteered to clean it, I thought it would be good to get back out there, it was very calming but where I got hot where I cleaned the floor when I got home I felt very anxious I think it was where my adrenaline was pumping it took a while to calm down, so wasn’t anxiety really but I was blaming it on that, does anyone else find when doing something active they get these feelings which makes them think it’s anxiety?

  656. James jones Says:

    I do too jo especially after hard excerscise but after thinking back i realised i used to feel that way before i had anxiety and it wasnt a problem. Its normal for everyone i think due to the adrenalin pumping but we just seem to worry about everythins so just relax and it will settle down within 5 minutes

  657. Ann Says:

    Hi All,
    I just wanted to share something with you.
    So Wednesday i had a very bad day full of anxiety very tearful ect… Didnt do much just sat looking on the net trying to find somthing to concentrate on when a Quote caught my eye it said “you choose your own reality” well this got me thinking about choices, and it made me realise that i can choose to be happy and ignore my anxiety. So after having such a bad day on wednesday when i got up yesterday moning the first thing i thought was Today(thursday) Ann you are going to choose to be Happy and Positive and every time a anxious thought popped into my head i said no today i am CHOOSING to be Happy and positive and i had a brilliant day, I am so proud of myself because i said no its my choice and i choose to have a good day and be happy So i am feeling the same today i am choosing to be happy and positive.
    Anyway just wanted to Share this as i think it really made me realise yes i can choose my own reality and it helped me.
    Happy thoughts everyone. 😉

  658. Bill Says:

    Hello all,sorry to moan but can anyone tell me how to accept and not keep thinking about oneself when you have dizziness,blurry vision,hot flushes,tingling hands and feet,pains in the back and side,nausea and indigestion along with a tension headache i have had for weeks at the back of the head,and shocks to the head.I am trying to get on with my day but feel abssolutely shattered,and this after a good nights sleep,no wonder the thought is there to stay in bed.It is very hard for those of us that struggle with our overactive minds anyway without all this to confound things further.Must go and do some vacuuming before the wife comes home,i can have a lie down when i have finished.Hope everyone is fine,regards,Bill.

  659. Teresa Says:

    Well done Debbie – on getting out and cleaning the church, we know its a big move foward. don’t worry about work, there are very few people who will understand unless they have esperienced it or have someone close who has had it.
    Anne – sometimes a couple of words can completely change your perspective on the whole thing and be a big turning point, thanks for sharing it.
    Bill , hope you feel better soon. You are not on your own, hope that helps – it will pass – i’m in a bit of a hole at present but I’m not always in one and neither will you be. The storm will pass.

  660. Bill Says:

    Thanks Teresa,hope you are better soon as well,too much dwelling on things and a very active mind,very frustrating,regards,Bill.

  661. Michelle Z Says:

    MonikaS – Yes, it is hard. But it is doable as so many of us can attest. It doesn’t happen overnight either. You said you can’t actually cry anymore. I was there, too. It was such an odd feeling and I wished I could just have a good cry. But it was like every emotion was frozen except, of course, fear. Over the last few months, I have cried several times and it feels so good to actually be able to do that. In fact, a couple of weeks ago I actually had a day where I cried off and on all day. And it didn’t bother me. Instead it felt so good to be able to feel those emotions and to let it all out. The point I am trying to make is that you will get there. I don’t consider myself fully recovered yet, but I see so much progress compared to how I used to be. If I can get through this, you will, too. Just read and re-read Paul’s book until some of this actually sinks in. Trust the process. You’ll get there!

  662. Teresa Says:

    Michelle Z – it’s strange i know of many people in our position who can’t cry, when I get into the worst of it I have a job stopping – have had a day like that today. although it’s awful at the time i am sure it is an eventual release. The strange thing about anxiety is sometimes you have to hit bottom before you can come back up – its happened a few times to me that it’s almost as if you have to throw your hands up and ‘give in’ – unfortunately you cannot get to that point before you get there. I don’t know if you know what I mean.

  663. Monica Says:

    Hey guys, just wanted to say it’s been a very good day and even though I’ve felt dp and some anxiety in the morning all is well in spite of it…feeling positive and hoping I can keep going this way. And the calmer I’m getting the more I’m finding anxiety and intrusive thoughts popping up. To me this is a good sign as it’s almost like its fighting back, lol “Pay attention to me!”. Viewing it more from the perspective of a challenge is paying off.

  664. Carlie Says:

    Thank you for the replies! I’m trying not to let it bother me.

    Matt, that is so awesome that you don’t really have DP anymore! That’s the only thing I’m struggling with at this point, but that’s been the case for awhile. Just feeling strange and disconnected from myself and stuff like that. The good news is that I think I may FINALLY be starting classes again next month, so that should definitely help me get out more. Thank you again for your encouraging post!

  665. Mark R Says:

    Hi all,

    Sorry for not posting as its been a very long time (almost a year) since I have. I have been recovering well and have hardly thought about anxiety at all for the past 3 months or so. I have done so many positive things over the past 2 years and thought I was past it all.

    To cut a long story short I have been feeling off for a week or so now, with stomach problems, feeling low and anxiety symptoms. I had a panic attack at the gym on Monday and for the following hour sat in the car with all these vile thoughts going through my head that I was going to be back to square one. This evening has been pretty bad too, I have cried for the first time in almost a year, I feel so stressed out at the moment. Guess I just need some reassurance as at the moment it is bringing it all back what I went through two years ago.

    Anyones comments are appreciated.


  666. Doreen Says:

    Hi Folks – I need a lift too. Having the farewell lunch today for my grandson (12) who is leaving tomorrow to join the Royal Ballet School in Birmingham. I so want to be ‘all right’ at the lunch (in other words not anxious) that I am winding myself up into a really anxious state. However, there is no way I am not going so I guess it is a case of ‘feel the fear’ anyway. But with knotted stomach, wobbly legs, shortness of breath and so on, it feels pretty grim right now.

  667. Doreen Says:

    Hi Mark R – if you have recovered well before you will do so again. I have been to this horrid place a number of times in my life and have always got back to somewhere a great deal better for long stretches in between. As you see from my post above, I am very wobbly right now.

  668. Michelle Says:

    I’m having a tough morning and just need some support. I am having ongoing problems with high blood pressure and we are having a hard time getting it stable. The docs offfice told me yesterday to take it every day, which is one of the hardest parts for me because I get nervous. This morning’s reading was really bad and it since it’s Saturday I can’t even call the docs office until Monday morning. Now I have myself all worked up and I know that’s not good for the bp. I know even with this I need to accept it, and sometimes I can, but sometimes I have a really difficult time with that.

    Yes, Teresa, I think I know what you mean. We’re such control freaks and we do have to get to that point where we’ve had enough and are willing to test the waters by “giving up” so to speak.

  669. Jo Says:

    Hi everyone, sorry you are all suffering. I had a weird morning but I’m ok now. Slept in till 8.30 which is very late for me but still felt hugely tired and almost in a drugged state. I am putting it down to sleepless nights, lack of food and the whirlwind trip to London.

    Doreen sorry I missed posting early enough for your lunch but I am sure you have coped. I never imagined on Monday morning that I would be getting on that train, but it is amazing what you can do when it is for someone else. It isn’t easy I know but we all keep getting by. I hope you made it and had a really lovely (if difficult)time. x

    MarkR, don’t stress yourself, you’ve got through it before and you will again. be proud of what you have achieved in the last two years, and believe you will do more when this setback has passed, as it will. I have come to believe that we sufferers are a little community of special people, here to help one another through the tough times. x

    Michelle, try not to worry too much,I know how hard it is to need to speak to a doctor just when one isn’t available, but I’m sure you will be fine. if you really need to talk to someone can you try the new 111 number or NHS direct if you have it. I know they can’t treat you but it may just help to talk to them, they are usually very good. x

  670. Mark R Says:

    Hi Doreen thanks for the reply. I’ve had problems with my stomach the last week and physical illnesses always flare up a few symptoms. Yesterday was pretty horrendous as I had a bad time at work then cried my eyes out for half an hour. Feeling a bit more positive today though

  671. Evelyn Says:

    Hello Michelle

    If u read my post from about a month ago with joshua im sure will be helpful :) but while im here ill try to help a bit… blood pressure world really well with anxiety .. im 29 years old with a slim body I take power walks every day which had be puzzled why mu pressure would be 145/80… one doctor scared me so bad, said she’s NEVER seen something so high on a young person. Of course that made me s nervous reck! !! So I went back the next week with my doctor andhe said all my blood test were normal… and said its my anxiety doing this .. so he said take it at another place not the doctors office and see what happens .. sure enough I took it and it was 117/75.. Mitchelle chances are u are feeding into it… just move on with ur life.. let’s say u do have b.p

  672. Evelyn Says:

    Sorry cut off.. let’s say u do have b.p.
    So what.. move on and live ur life:)I there’s so many peoples that live successful lives that have it… we just make it worse with our thoughts and nerves! Try doing something like I did to lower it.. walking yoga breathing eating right… there’s so many things u can do and please don’t go on line like I did and make urself even more worried! Ur gonna be just fine …. just let go, and let God ….ur gonna be just fine once u take the fears out:) the moment I said the heck with it, is exactly when it went down :)I hope thiis helped

  673. Michelle Says:

    Love it! Thanks so much, Evelyn & Jo! I’m actually taking a breathing class Monday night. And you know what? I’ve started exercising regularly and I’m going to start eating right. I am overweight and I know that can contribute to it, but I’m such a food addict. Food has helped me through all the stress, anxiety, fear, etc. But it is time to stop being a victim and to do the right thing even with this. To take care of myself and just get out there and enjoy this beautiful day. By the way, Jo, I live in Michigan in the States. But thank you for the suggestion about calling 111. And, Evelyn, I know you’re right! When I have said to heck with it, are the times that it is always better. I still get in those worry spaces, but to heck with even that, eh?! If it’s that high and we need to change the meds, then so be it! I’ll get through even that. I’m sick & tired of worrying and making myself worse. Thank you so much! Let’s get out there and enjoy our lives! Oh, you don’t know how much you have helped me get back on the right track! Blessings!

  674. Debbie Says:

    Michelle Im overweight to, I find eating is the only comfort I get although for the last two weeks I’ve been dieting and have lost 6 pound so far.
    Doreen I hope u managed to enjoy your lunch I bet you are very proud of your grandson, I expect it made his day you being there. I shall be going through the same tomorrow we have a birthday party to go to, they are lovely people and I always leave and say I’m so glad I went I enjoyed it, but I get myself worked up beforehand every time so stupid I don’t know why we have to do it to ourselves!

  675. Jo Says:

    Oops, sorry about that Michelle. You sound more positive now anyway. I find being ‘normal’ for a while and then bad again difficult to deal with. When you are in a panicky state, it is very difficult to just get on with your life isn’t it. Regarding food I have the opposite problem, my appetite has been almost non existent, and I have lost over a stone and a half in the last two months. Since I managed that trip to London though I have discovered I can be stronger that I thought possible and I have started to make myself eat better. Not a huge amount, but little by little. And I distract myself while I am eating by using my laptop or reading or something else. I told myself I could do it, and I did. You will too, but don’t try to do everything at once, take it one step at a time, and you will get there. x

  676. Michelle Says:

    Well, Debbie, we can support each other in our goal to get healthy! I’ve made up my mind today. Enough is enough! Jo, so glad you are able to start eating again. It’s important to keep your strength up and if you have to distract yourself in order to do it, then so be it. Whatever works. And glad you are realizing how strong you really area. I think we all need to get to that point. To believe in ourselves and know we can get through anything that comes our way. I’m so glad I came on this morning and “met” you ladies. You’ve each made a positive impact in my day! Enjoy the day!

  677. Debbie Says:

    Does anybody else do this….. In the evenings I feel so much better not really any anxiety etc, so I start planning that I will start doing more like long walks, go swimming, look around the shops decide to go back to work however bad I feel, start hobbies I’ve not got round to, clean the house but when the morning comes it all goes out the window! I do this nearly every evening!

  678. Monica Says:

    Debbie – There are many reasons anxiety is worse in the mornings. You were having a peacful sleep and then all the sudden your woken out of your sleep and have to get things on the go (things that could start the anxiety are loud obnoxious alarm clock waking you up, having to get kids ready, being late, making breakfast…etc) Try getting quieter alarm clock perhaps, getting up earlier to have more time to do things, breathing methods upon waking, not drinking night before etc.

    Another reason why anxiety may be worse in the morning is because your blood sugar is low when you first wake up. You have gone all night without food.It’s important to maintain a constant blood sugar level because the brain uses sugar, also known as glucose, as its fuel. If blood sugar levels are too low or drop too fast, then the brain starts running out of fuel. This causes the brain to trigger the fight or flight responses and physical reactions such as trembling, rapid heartbeat, sweating etc…To balance your blood sugar levels and minimize symptoms, keep a snack that contains “good” complex carbohydrates and protein ready for you to eat when you wake up. Try a combination of whole grain crackers and a handful of nuts, or a high-protein granola bar with some whole-wheat pretzels. The “good” carbohydrates will give you energy, and the protein will help to keep your blood sugar level steady over time. Also, dead-end thoughts play a huge role in creating early morning anxiety, as well as anxiety at any other time of day. Once you learn to overcome dead-end thoughts, you stop the anxiety cycle in its tracks. Dead-end thoughts are negative, anxious, obsessive, or racing thoughts, that do not promote your well-being. They are based on faulty thinking patterns. These thoughts of helplessness, negativity, or anxious predictions about the future, give away your personal power and create the anxiety cycle.

    Lastly, i know from experience that I feel angsty in the morning because I am sleepy and calm in a sense, and anxiety tends to annoy us in our calm state and I feel more vulnerable to it. We have to learn to keep are calm and relaxed state upon waking, staying positive and busy despite the symptoms and eating a wholesome breakfast so that we can face the morning panic free.

  679. Jo Says:

    Debbie, there is another reason for the morning dip, and this was told to me by my doctor when I had depression. That is that serotonin (the feel good chemical in your brain) naturally falls in the morning and rises during the day, hence you feel better later on. I now believe this to be true, as it happened to me all through the depression and still does now. I also believe it can be helped without the need of anti depressants, (unless very serious). A good healthy diet, sunshine and exercise all helps serotonin stay where it should. If there is no sunshine in the morning I use my light therapy lamp for half an hour, and I have added an afternoon walk in the sun or the light box again if a dull day. I have found a difference doing this, hence being able to go on the trip, I am sure it does help.
    I know there are different theories on the serotonin debate, but my doctor made it his special subject for thirty years and it makes sense to me. x

  680. Debbie Says:

    Thanks Monica it makes sense, Probably with me it’s because I haven’t actually anything to get up for as I left my job cos of the anxiety was so bad, Im not a lay in bed person so when I wake I get up, I have lots to do but I plod through them through the day.
    I know it’s my thinking that’s the problem, always has been, I’ve no confidence and very low self esteem, I make wedding and celebration cakes also cute dressed mice and dolls people collect them and say wow or how good they are but I seem to ignore it and when they go I say to my husband do u think they liked it? My parents always picked faults with whatever I did and my mum still does even tho I’m 50! I see the negative in everything and the doom and gloom, I sound a miserable old bag I’m not really is going on in my head! So to other people I’m fine.
    This party we have this afternoon, I say oh god I don’t have anything to talk about, I shall look fat, I will get all hot and blotchy and everyone will notice, my husband says what! U are always chatting when we’ve been before you never look hot you look just like everyone else, he will look over at me every now and again and mouth ok? I nod then after a bit he will say oh well shall we make a move? thinking I probably want to escape and I say no I want to stay.
    Why do we put ourselves through this awful dread and see ourselves in a completely different way?
    If we saw ourselves for what we truly are we would have a lovely life, I know I would instead of wasteing every day feeling awful, I’ve 3 beautiful loving daughters, a beautiful 2 yr old grand daughter a fantastic husband who I should be enjoying life with but all of our lives are consumed with my anxiety, how’s mum today? Can’t go there cos of mum? IT’S SO FRUSTRATING!

  681. nikole Says:

    hi. I have been dealing with anxiety for quite a while and have recently been diagnosed with GAD. I bought Paul’s book and it is helping a lot. I do have a question. I am currently pregnant and am a week overdue. My anxiety, panic, and guilt have been coming back HARD. I was so sure I had overcome many of my fears and guilts but now they seem to be back. Has anyone had any setbacks like this and how did you deal with them? It’s like you can have a situation under control then, wham, it’s out of control.

  682. Debbie Says:

    Well I went to the tea party I felt anxious tho so couldn’t really enjoy myself also I had a text from a friend before I went which upset me.
    Ive spoken before about a friend who suffered like me but shes almost recovered, she’s met new friends and had moved on and had avoided me as she said I was negative since my bad spell, this has been niggling away at me so I decided to tell her how I felt and she’s just text me saying she wants to concentrate on her new friends I’ve totally gone to pieces, she wishes me luck for the future!we’ve been friends for 8 years both going through the same, I always give too much then get hurt, i know I should be thinking she wasn’t really a friend avoiding me etc but I just feel so bad and alone anyway that I can’t cope with this on top, how do I get through this?

  683. Bill Says:

    Hey Debbie,your first thought is the right one,she was never really a true friend.I have seen your posts on here for a while and know that you deserve better than that,you will always get plenty support on here because you deserve it,i wish you luck for the future and also for now,chin up gal,best wishes,Bill.

  684. Human Clay Says:

    Thanks for m the replies. I was just looking up symptoms for ADHD. Someone told me they thought i had it. I can definitely see that in met. Would ADHD be considered a symptom of anxiety? Just curious

  685. Doreen Says:

    Well, the farewell lunch for my grandson was lovely and I felt fine. Have to confess to taking half a valium which would make my GP laugh as he says I take such tiny doses that it must be placebo effect. Well, whatever I was fine so that was the main thing. Then went to a social event in the evening with some friends which I really enjoyed. Saw the grandson off this morning with lots of tears from me which didn’t worry me at all. As some folks have said in earlier posts, crying seems to disappear when anxious, so I was glad to feel such a normal emotion. Bit of a sticky day with the old anxiety but not too bad this evening.

  686. Debbie Says:

    Bill thank you so much!

  687. Jo Says:

    Debbie, try this – in your mind wish your ex- friend luck with her new friends and life, and move on. Don’t keep dwelling on what was. She was a part of your life that is now over and you need to accept that. I have always had difficulty letting go of resentments but really it is much better if you can. Stewing on things just makes you feel worse. Nothing in life is written in stone. As you said earlier you have a fantastic family, so contentrate on them and let this other person go.x

    Doreen, so pleased for you, and if half a vallium works for you, then why not. Sometimes we just know what is right for us. x

    Human clay, I think you are probably just suffering from anxiety. It’s not a good idea to keep looking up symptoms – you end up thinking you have everything LOL. If you really do think you have ADHD it might be wise to get a proper diagnosis. x

  688. lorryt Says:

    Well despite me trying to stay away and find my own reassurance levels, i find myself here again. I tihnk it is miore circumstancial, in the fact that my hubby is struggling with his own mental health and obviously that has an effect on me. As much as I try to say it wont get me down, its very difficult. I have a full time job which I have thrown myself into , and that helps as it distracts and keeps my mind busy, but at the end of the day I cant seem to get a perspective on it whereby I can get less anxious. I have been coping with this fora long time , and it has taken quite a while to get him help and support, but ultimately it is down to his coping mechanisms. I just plod on , as if i sit at home and wallow its helping no one. i cant seem to see a bright outcome or positive outlook on this at all, and this is affecting my anxiety levels. Seems like one viscious circle at the moment, and i dont know how to break it. Yet again it feels like I am offloading when there are others on here always supportive and uplifting and can seem to see things very differently. I want to be one of those people, as I once was. x

  689. Carlie Says:

    Having a lot of trouble with being really irritable/emotional lately, and I think some of it is related to hormones once again… it makes me feel like I’m going crazy! It was never this bad until last year.

    I also was on youtube earlier and somehow found my way to some videos about depersonalization. A lot of them were about how people got out of it and how it’s temporary, so that wasn’t the problem… but then I was looking at some of the comments and a few of them were very negative, including a guy saying something like “Once you’re deep in it, you’ll never get out again. Not thinking of it doesn’t cure anything. It doesn’t get better, curing DP is a lie.” And I immediately felt a sense of panic wash over me, and then I got angry. Because I KNOW many people have recovered, and his comment will only make other people think that they can’t. And now it’s still bothering me. I don’t know why, because I know the truth… but I guess I’m still so sensitive to things like that. :/

    Other than that, things haven’t been terrible, I guess. My birthday was last week and I had a pretty good day, I just allowed any weird feelings to be there. I am getting really tired of my mind feeling like such a mess though. I still lose my train of thought in about 5 seconds, and I feel like I can’t think clearly most of the time. But I know I just need to keep going.

  690. Christine Says:

    Hi All,

    I posted the other day but can’t seem to see the post now so hope this gets through. I’ve read Paul’s book, which has helped me so much but would just like to say that I started to read this blog last week (when I was feeling particularly low) and I have to say that the positivity from it is great and that it gives me a lot of comfort knowing that there are others out there who are getting through this. This morning hasn’t been too bad, woke up not great and had a couple of panics but managed to calm myself and come to work! :)Hope everyone is doing well and having a nice day! X

  691. lorryt Says:


    As hard as it is, thats what you must do. Keep going in the knowledge that you will recover, and all the symtoms are temporary, confusing at times, and totally overcoming at times but , persistance in the fact that so many of us on here are ‘getting there’ is proof in itself that is possible. I can totally relate to the train of thought and mind being a mess. It will get better, and I know it will, as I thought I had recovered, until recently when I have had a big setback, but I am starting to look at things a bit differently lately, still very hard but none the less progress. this place is great for help and reassurance. it is possibel for us all to achieve recovery.xx

  692. Helen Says:

    If your ‘friend’ had truly suffered herself and recovered then there is no way on this earth that she would sit back and watch. I have found that recovering from anxety, and I mean true recovery, makes you want to help people. You know what the other person has been through and you know how bloody awful it feels so you do all you can. I would do it for anyone, it wouldn’t have to be a friend.
    It sounds to me like she may not have fully recovered and that being around you may bring things back to her that she doesn’t really want to face. This may be something she doesn’t even realise but it definately is common, I had someone do the exact same thing to me but I just left it alone and we are no longer close friends but we are polite with each other. Leave the dead wood behind and don’t linger on it, friendships are tested a lot with anxiety and you will be left with very good friends who love you for who you are, good and bad.

    All the best

  693. Mark R Says:

    Hi all,

    Just thought I’d make an updated post to the one I did on Saturday.

    Having felt a bit wonky for the last week or so I’ve been visiting these forums after feeling okayish for a period of 3 or 4 months now. I had a few bad days last week where my anxiety seemed to come back as strong as ever, I ended up crying and being unable to shrug it off.

    I took a step back, came on here and read some posts by Paul on setbacks and also got my old Claire Weekes books down. She has a chapter in her books dedicated to setbacks and states that when on the verge of recovery, which I felt I was you can have the worst setback.

    Friday night was pretty bad after a torrid time at work and I cried for half an hour in my car before deciding to visit a friend. Saturday I decided to let myself feel whatever comes and I did whatever I needed to do in the day with the crap feelings in the background. This included going into town with a friend, having lunch and then a few beers in the evening. I think when you do this you feel kind of a shift in how you feel.

    I also found Ricks post very helpful using the analogy of being at the top of the mountain one minute and then in the valleys the next, I definately feel in the valleys at the moment but the important thing is to keep climbing I guess.

    Anyway I wrote this for anyone who is going through a setback, the best thing to do is take it on the chin and accept whatever. Initially after feeling good for a while it came as a bit of a shock but I dont think I had recovered completely. There is no way after two years of getting better I am going to let one setback pull me down.


  694. Katie Says:

    I’ve been trying to contact you through your website but keeps saying my message is too long, so i thought I could reach you on here.
    In the last few months I’ve had anxiety & panic issues. Luckily I found your website quite early & it really helped, I carried on doing the things i usually do, sometimes it felt horrible been in public places but once I’d done it I was so happy with what I had achieved. I’ve just had my first CBT session, it seemed okay it’s just I’ve recently come across the Linden Method on the net but he says that CBT doesn’t work. It’s all very confusing and even worse with an busy mind. I’m following you & linden method on twitter & you seem to say the same things which help cure anxiety so I was wondering if you knew anything about the Linden Method & if it’s worth the money? I’m going on holiday to Barcelona at the end of May for 10 days & I can’t stop thinking about it, keep thinking I’m going to freak out & cause a scene or not be able to get on the plane & really feel like I need help.
    Please could you give me a little guidance. The reason I ask is I totally respect you and everything you say so would love to know what you think I should do. Your book arrived on Saturday too so I’m half way through & it’s brilliant!!
    Many kind regards
    Katie x

  695. Christine Says:

    Hi Carlie, as Lorry says it is possible to get better! I’m in exactly the same position as you at the moment, racing thoughts, irritable, emotional…I cry all of the time and feel frustrated and that I’m losing it too. But then I have started to have moments where don’t feel too bad and I know that I will get through this and you will too! I wouldn’t read or watch anything else on the Internet, because I’ve frightened myself a few times by doing that so I don’t do it anymore. I tend to just read Paul’s book and look at this blog now no matter how tempting it is to look elsewhere. There are so many people on here who are so kind and have plenty of good advice who have recovered or on their way there! Stay strong and know that you’re not alone! Really! x

  696. Doreen Says:

    Jo – you really are being supportive to folks, despite how you have been feeling. Do you think the success of the trip to London has lifted you to a somewhat better place?
    Carlie and Christine – I am in a similar place right now. Physically very tense and what I call shards of anxiety shooting through me. I have to keep remembering to breath. but I also know that I will get through the day, visit a friend, cook the tea and hopefully see that as a day well spent albeit with a very different mood to one which I would like.

  697. Jo Says:

    Doreen, thank you for that. I am trying to be more positive, and i think the London trip did help in a way, although it wasn’t easy. Somehow I found the strength to keep myself together, and there was so much to distract me from how I was feeling. The only panicky feelings I had was when I woke up in the middle of the night and didn’t know where I was, but it only lasted minutes. I was also surprised at at how I coped on the train and at home by myself. I have had a funny day today though, gone back to waking with the anxious feelings and the dp, detached feeling is quite strong, also having difficulty with my eyes not seeming to focus properly. But, I am doing my best to live alongside these feelings, just as Paul advises.Going a walk in the sun with our dog next, and when I feel a bit apprehensive as I do now I say to mysel ‘If I can do London, I can do this’
    Our lives are difficult, but we are strong enough to get by. Take care all. x

  698. Christine Says:

    Hi Jo, I’m quite new to this blog but have read through bits and really just want to say that you should be so proud of yourself, you’re doing brilliantly and today is probably just one of those setbacks! :)

  699. Debbie Says:

    Hi all thanks for your comments about my ex-friend. I have found it very hard today, I definitely find it hard to control my feelings, this morning I just felt total dread and fear, I realised its the fear of not being in control, also blaming anxiety when what I’m feeling is normal after a long friendship comes to an end, I find as usual I’m thinking was it my fault, but I know it wasn’t.
    All those horrible thoughts bombard u as though it’s thinking lets get her while she’s weak! I’ve been reading a book about how your thoughts affect your feelings so I’m trying to practice what it says, to just think about the situation for what it is and not create a monster out of it, as said I need to move on, this is when I wish I could toughen up a bit, plus I must not ruminate this is my downfall I’m afraid.
    I shall stick to my cats and dogs who at the moment r all around me, it’s as tho they know I need company!

  700. Jo Says:

    Thank you Christine. I have had the support of my husband and son to help me through it. And of course the wonderful people on here who do so much to support one another. I come here when I need a boost, or a little pep talk and I always find that help. Thank you everyone. x

  701. nikole Says:

    Hi I am new to this blog. I posted a question on the 22nd. Just wonder if anyone had any advice. Thanks all!

  702. Mark R Says:

    Hi all,

    Sorry to reiterate a point but I’m having a real tough time with this setback. I still cant keep food down and I am never hungry. I am going back to the docs again tomorrow.

    Its just bringing up so many bad memories. About two years ago my current episode started with vomiting and high anxiety levels and it feels just the same. My friends tell me that it is a coincidence and nothing more.

    Sorry but I am just very worried at the moment


  703. Michelle Z Says:

    Hi Nikole – You deal with it the same way you did the first time. It’s all about acceptance, no matter what you’re feeling or thinking. And just get on with your day and living life as if you didn’t have any anxiety or panic. Everybody has setbacks. It’s a normal part of the recovery process. Plus you have the addition of hormonal changes since you’re pregnant. I’m sure you’re feeling more stress than normal right now as well since you’re past your due date. You have a lot going on. Anybody in your situation would be feeling more anxious right now. So just try to be gentle with yourself. It’s all okay. The first time I had panic & depression was when I was pregnant with my son. I made it through it all just fine and so did he. :) Hang in there, Sweetie! You will be just fine.

  704. Michelle Z Says:

    Hi Mark R – I think your friends are right. I don’t know where you live, but I know here in Michigan there has been so much stomach flu going around recently. I know several people that have had it. It could be that simple. And you know what? If it is anxiety, you know how to deal with it now. You know that it won’t last. And no matter what it is, the important thing to do is to accept it. Just be okay with it and get out and live your life the best you can. You will be fine, Mark. And you will get through this. Blessings!

  705. Mark R Says:

    Hi Michelle,

    I live in the UK so it cant be connected. I’m trying to accept and be rational about it. My stomach has always given me problems anxiety wise. I thought I was recovered or 80/90% there. I have read Pauls posts on setbacks and Claire Weekes says that there can be one horrible setback on the verge of recovery. I was definately on the verge as I was almost myself again.

    When I had a bad breakdown in 05, in 07 just before I recovered I had something similar. I couldnt eat for a week and felt high anxiety. I was convinced for a week that I was going back to the start. I never did and it passed.

  706. Doreen Says:

    Hi Mark – I do appreciate that you have no wish to go back to what you call ‘the start’ but trying to hang onto being well can in itself be anxiety provoking and stressful. Easier said than done I know but do try to take each day as it comes and don’t yearn for what has been. It is particularly difficult when you have physical symptoms like yours but they will pass. Nothing stays around forever.

  707. Mark R Says:

    Hi Doreen,

    Im not trying to hang onto being well. I’m just hoping it is a setback and not a whole episode again. I cant go through another two years of that.


  708. rachaeldm Says:

    Hi Nkole,

    When i was pregnant with my son i also felt like you leading up to the birth.During the pregnancy i was fine but when i went overdue by a week i started to go into a setback. When my son was born it all passed. You Wilkinson be s busy with the baby that you will not be able to think about your anxiety. You will be ok. As your hormones get back to normal after the birth you will start to feel ok again. I am currently 8 weeks pregnant and my anxiety has been alot worse. I keep getting horrible thoughts of ending the pregnancy or not being able to cope…. like a disconnection from it all. This in turn causes me to panic. I want this baby even though it was a huge shock at first. My son is now 5 and it would be great for him to have a sibling but all i am doing is breaking out about it all and this in turn makes mefeel so guilty. I panic that i won’t be able to cope and will then panic sibling much i’d have to have a termination…. Why can’t i just be normal? How was u through ur pregnancy?

  709. Matt Says:

    carlie…I’ve probabley seen those same youtube videos myself, when i did a lot of research. The fact is that you can and will get out of it. My situation, living with my parents right now, is not going well. My mom is a constant naggger, even if I was doing things perfect, she would still find something to nag about and it brings me down sometimes. I am at the point that I need to move out and get my own place because living with my parents is a living horror. They constantly begrade me and tell me that I should do this or that, and no matter how hard I try to explain to them what I’m going through, they call me a liar and things that just aren’t so. They have no clue, and I even recommended them to read this site to get better informed and they still belittle me and make me feel worthless. When I work, do volunteer work, school, etc. It makes me feel normal, but when I get home all i hear is constant nagging that brings about a lot of anger and negativity out of me.

    I guess the fact is that some people will never truly understand unless they go through what we go through, but in your case, you need to stay away from forums and videos. I’ve read countless stories of people that have recovered and there are some that want to make money off of our misery saying there program is the only way to true recovery. Well, I bought some of those programs and they are a complete waste of money. If you truly follow paul’s advice then you will recover, like I have been doing. But, in my case, I am really disappointed with my parents because of their reaction. My mom told me tonight that she would have kicked me out long ago if it wasn’t for my kids. I developed a resentment towards her and my father for their total belligerence and negativity. Like I said, I am at the point to move out and raise my kids myself because they make me feel like crap all of the time. The thing is, once I understood that is was them that was making me feel this way, I got better and am almost recovered. It’s unfortunate that I get more support from friends then family, but I now know what I need to do, and that is move out and live on my own.

  710. Matt Says:

    hate to double dip, my parents a week ago wanted to fet full costudy of my 10 year old son, because I am struggling to find a job right now that has health insurance. They wanted me to sign over the rights for them to have full custody. I got so mad and hurt by that, that I just stayed away from home as long as I could. Like I said, it’s unfortunate that when your own family is against you and tries to take advantage of the situation. I feel better, and as a result am going to look to look for my own place next week. I know everyone isn’t in my same position, but enough is enough and I’m ready to move on with my life with or without my family.

  711. Christine Says:

    Hi Mark R – how are you feeling? Honestly, this will just be a setback, you will be OK! Try to do something that relaxes you – you can get through this! x

  712. Christine Says:

    Sorry, I submitted before I should have. I know how awful it feels and I know it’s easier said than done but you really will get through this. I’ve just had a terrible weekend but yesterday was OK – taking each day as it comes. x

  713. Mark R Says:

    Hi Christine,

    The most horrendous night. I fully expected to wake up today and be back to square one. I have got up early and gone into my friends offices to work on my Ebay store.

    I’m sorry if I worried anyone.

  714. Doreen Says:

    Hi Mark – not worried about you but very concerned as you sounded as I have felt sometimes and that is a really horrid place to be. I find it helpful to break the pattern of bad nights by having some help and then I get back into sleeping at least for 5-6 hours. My GP is supportive of me taking a very low dose of Phenergan (10mgs) but in fact I break them in half so the dosage is even smaller. This is not to say that is what you should do, just that sometimes an aid is useful.

  715. Christine Says:

    I totally agree Doreen, I’d never been one for taking medication but I’ve had some to help me through this and sleeping tablets have helped. Lack of sleep can make you feel much worse, but not saying that medication would be right for everyone. Glad you’re feeling a bit better Mark! :) x

  716. Jo Says:

    MarkR, I really feel for you because I have been there, and know how absolutely helpless you feel. I went through an horrendous time with my severe depression in 2004 and there were times I just wanted the feelings of terror and tension to stop, by any means. Some days I just didn’t know what to do with myself, and could only find short relief with diazepam. BUT I survived, I got over it (although at the time I believed I never would). When this anxiety kicked in I became distraught, thinking ‘I can’t go through that again’, but you know what, I am getting through it. Ok This time it’s anxiety and not as bad as the depression, but it still feels awful. But it is losing it’s grip on me. I made the trip to London, and now we are planning another trip next month to York. It’s not easy, in fact it’s very hard, but what I’m trying to say is that there is light at the end of the tunnel.
    As regards, vomiting and not eating. I have been there too. Last time I didn’t eat for two weeks, not a thing, but I still spent about 3 hours every morning throwing up. This time I have eaten very little, and still had the vomiting. That has now settled down too. Mark, you will get through this, it doesn’t feel like it at the time, but you will.Hang in and have faith in yourself. Don’t try to rush recovery, it will happen in its own time. x

  717. Mark R Says:

    I do feel better. The biggest fear for me is going back to square one. My close mate has said to try and distract myself and it will pass. I’m not in a good place at the moment.

  718. Mark R Says:

    Thanks Jo. I’m am hoping it is just a setback as I wasnt actually fully recovered. I do feel a lot brighter today though.

  719. Josh Says:

    Dear All

    Need some help from all of you.

    While my anxiety is almost out, i still worry about passing out/ fainting. Some times I get a rush of feeling and feel that i am going to pass out which keeps me away from getting complete freedom.

    If anyone experinces this , please help.


  720. Carlie Says:

    Thank you everyone, your comments really helped reassure me. It’s tempting to go read/watch stuff about anxiety/DP on the internet, but all I really need in order to recover is right here and in Paul’s book, so I just have to remind myself of that. I get these OCD-like compulsions to research, but it doesn’t happen very much anymore, so that’s good.

    Mark, I had a bad setback in December and thought I would end up back at the start… heart pounding, panicky, not being able to eat, etc. But I quickly found something to distract myself and realized that my anxious thinking (“Oh no, I can’t do this again! I had finally gotten over all of my physical symptoms, and now this. I can’t afford to not eat…”) is the very thing that would make it worse. What I’ve found is that every setback I’ve had is just that, a setback. I’ve never ended up all the way back where I started at, because I’m a lot more knowledgeable about anxiety and DP than I was back then. Realize that you are too. Also, even very very recently I’ve had TERRIBLE days and then the next day I was fine. Take it one day at a time and just know that this will pass. I hope you get some sleep!

  721. Carlie Says:

    Sorry to post again, but I just saw your comment, Matt! Thanks for reassuring me again, I seem to need it a lot. I’m so sorry about your family situation. I’m lucky that my parents are very supportive and try to encourage me to do things whether it’s starting school soon, or working, or whatever. Most of the pressure comes from myself. I sometimes seem to take every little comment the wrong way and think that my parents are somehow implying that I’m lazy or worthless, and I know that’s not what they’re trying to say at all. They’re just throwing out suggestions. I can’t say they REALLY understand what I’m going through, but they try. I do feel worthless a lot, but like I said, it’s all because I’m telling myself that. It’s something that I’ve been talking to my therapist about. I see him once or twice a month, and we don’t really talk about the DP (whenever I’ve brought it up, it seems like he doesn’t really know what I’m talking about), but we do talk about some of the things I just mentioned. I’ve found it to be pretty helpful so far, because I feel like the self-esteem issues and negative thoughts are things that need to be worked on. But anyway, I’m glad you’re taking charge and I hope everything works out for you! It sounds like you’re doing great, all things considered.

  722. Jo Says:

    Carlie, don’t appologise for posting!
    You are lucky to have supportive parents that are trying to understand.My husband and son are very good too. I gave my husband Paul’s book to read so that he could understand even better. I have found that no-one can understand DP unless they have experienced it, how could they. I had never heard of it before it hit me. And how can you really explain to some one that you don’t feel real, or that you feel like you are in some kind of dream world. When I first experienced it 7 years ago, I as afraid to say how I felt in case it meant I was going mad! It seemed no-one back then had heard of it, and I never spoke to anyone else who had suffered it. Thank goodness it is recognised by a few more of us now. x

    MarkR, I am so glad you are feeling brighter today.The good days come, and the bad days come and we have to try to treat them just the same. No, I haven’t mastered that yet :)

  723. Jo Says:

    Josh, those feelings will go in time. I still get them occasionally but no where near as often. As you settle down so will those feelings. The thing to remember is that you won’t pass out.Just let it wash over you and it will go away.

  724. Mark R Says:

    Thanks Jo and Carlie.

    Its fierce but not as bad as before. I feel so tense I feel like I could explode!!

  725. Joshua Says:

    Hi Josh
    I get that myself. I am in a similar place with my anxiety as you are with yours, I’m not nearly the anxious mess I was and even when I have anxiety I dont let it rule my life as I no longer fear anxiety or it’s symptoms. That being said I still get the occasional passout feelings and have been dizzy for the past week after spending the week before feeling great which is he longest I’ve gone in a while with no symptoms. the feelings you get are absolutley normal with anxiety as they won’t leave immediately during recovery, if you no longer worry about the pangs of fear that accompany the passout feelings they become less worrisome.

  726. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Katie your message below has got buried a little with me being late to moderate it so I have placed it below and will answer you

    I’ve been trying to contact you through your website but keeps saying my message is too long, so i thought I could reach you on here.
    In the last few months I’ve had anxiety & panic issues. Luckily I found your website quite early & it really helped, I carried on doing the things i usually do, sometimes it felt horrible been in public places but once I’d done it I was so happy with what I had achieved. I’ve just had my first CBT session, it seemed okay it’s just I’ve recently come across the Linden Method on the net but he says that CBT doesn’t work. It’s all very confusing and even worse with an busy mind. I’m following you & linden method on twitter & you seem to say the same things which help cure anxiety so I was wondering if you knew anything about the Linden Method & if it’s worth the money? I’m going on holiday to Barcelona at the end of May for 10 days & I can’t stop thinking about it, keep thinking I’m going to freak out & cause a scene or not be able to get on the plane & really feel like I need help.
    Please could you give me a little guidance. The reason I ask is I totally respect you and everything you say so would love to know what you think I should do. Your book arrived on Saturday too so I’m half way through & it’s brilliant!!
    Many kind regards
    Katie x

    First of all I cannot personally comment on any other so called method as it may look like I am doing it for my own gain. That doesnt however stop anyone on else giving an opnion, so I will leave it to them to tell you what they think. On the CBT, to say something does not work is very misguided, as I know people who it has helped, others not.

    Katie that really is all I can say.

  727. Jo Says:

    MarkR. I know that feeling well!
    My biggest hurdle now is in the mornings when I feel sort of light headed, drugged almost, and a bit weird. It usually passes late afternoon though, so I just try to ride it out, although I confess to feeling like I want to cry because I just want to be ‘me’ again.

  728. Jo Says:

    Katie,I don’t know the Linden method, so can’t help there. I opt to follow Paul because he makes sense, and I don’t want to get confused by other methods.
    As far as CBT is concerned, I have found it a flop! I had one meeting which promised good things, but then the ‘appointments’ have been one phone call to ask how I am, one cancelled call a fortnight later, and now I’m waiting for another phone call. What help someone ringing and asking how you are can be, is beyond me. But you may be lucky and get the help you need. x

  729. Joshua Says:

    Hi Katie
    Welcome to the blog! I have seen the linden method before although I have never used it, it seemed to have the right idea but something about it turned me off. What I like about this site and Pauls work is that you don’t have to buy into anything it doesn’t seem like a corporate sponsorship kind of thing, it’s just honest people who understand the problems and really want to help others in the same situations, where as the linden method seems to be looking for a profit. I very well could be wrong about this and my advise would be trust your instinct and if it works for you than it really doesn’t matter what people say.
    I think it is great you are going to Barcelona and you very well may hav anxiety on that trip but even if you do, that is okay I can guarantee you will have a great time with or without anxiety. You won’t create a scene or anything like that even if you don’t feel well, that is nothing more than the anxious thoughts doing their work. I hope you have a great time!

  730. Debbie Says:

    Hi katie
    I brought the linden method years ago it didn’t work at all for me but it might for others, I paid a lot more back then to!
    I got more out of Paul’s book, but I think whatever you choose to follow its all down to you.
    I’ve been trying mindfulness, just thinking of the moment you are in, if I feel anxious I concentrate on my breathing, feeling my stomach moving in and out etc, it does help to divert your thoughts!

  731. mm16 Says:

    hi katie , the linden method made me more anxious than ever, he advices when the anxiety comes on blast on some loud music , everything he advised made me worse , but if it works for some then good but the only thing that makes me improve is this site and pauls book , i had a read of it last night and had forgotten how good it is , and how simple he explains it all , what a hero he is , also i like the claire weekes books , xx

  732. Doreen Says:

    Hi – I also belong to Anxiety UK which doesn’t have a blog like this, so i do spend more time on here. However, I recall in one of their recent newsletters that there was a critique of the Linden method which didn’t give it many positive points. I think Paul’s straight forward approach without any techniques is the way forward for me.

  733. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Doreen I was pointed to that article written by independent specialists and read it…….

    I am not picking on any particular site or subject here, but I would always be wary of testimonals on websites, as a lot are fake, real testimonals are far more likely to come on independent forums or blogs or word of mouth. I have a couple on mine that are 100% real (again that is just my word for it), but I have thought recently about taking them down as people’s perception and trust of them on the internet is near zero these days.

    I have also been around the internet and this subject from day one and it pains me to see what goes on. People charging £30+ for a 1 hour phone call, a certain American site that tries to sell you every vitamin going when you ring up to order their package, sites promising you a full refund if not satisfied only to then say it has run out and you no longer qualify, sales pages 100 ft long with no hint of help unless you shell out a fortune. I have seen and heard it all.

    I sell a book and as I do this full time, that pays the bills. If people want it then it’s there, if not then my main site is packed with information and the blog is open to everyone, no silly monthly membership fee.

    The people who have met me and know me, truly know the person I am and I will never change and I am sure their are a few sites out there who don’t like my presence for certain reasons. But I would and could never charge people a small fortune for the help I give, my drive comes from all the people that find help here and go on to recover, that is my driving force.

  734. Mark R Says:


    Are you able to respond to any of my posts please. I am having a truly awful, awful time


  735. Matt Says:

    Yeah, i’ve had my bad experiences with buying other products, and I have spent thousands on other stuff that was absolutely no use. The worst one was this particular dr. who isn’t even a doctor at all, she’s a nutritionist!! I bought a product that is supposed to cure DP and paid 600 dollars for it and it rarely even talked about DP. All it talked about was diet and taking up a new hobby. I did a phone interview with her for an hour which was another 200 dollars and explained my symptoms and it seemed like she had no clue what I was talking about. This is the same person who says on her website that she had severe DP and was cured. I just got more angry and anxious after wasting all that money. I would strongly advise staying away from another website called depersonalizationrecovery or something. It’s a guy that says he cured his DP through some complicated process. I bought his program, and again, it was more based on trauma DP then anxiety DP. He doesn’t believe that getting rid of anxiety will cure DP, though i’ve read countless success stories that did. He also had really negative comments about the condition that I won’t post here and basically said that only his program works.

  736. Jeff Says:

    Both Linden and O’Connor are basically saying “get your attention off what is going on in your head” (distraction- music, habit, etc.). It’s the Big Show right? Whatever is going on in there is confusing and scary and is waaay more interesting than what’s going on in reality. Find something to focus on other than the mess inside. It’s really as simple as Paul says: just go about your day, keep practicing going about your day no matter how you feel, be patient and it will go away. It’s true, in time it will go away. Continually tell yourself this. Trust in those words and give yourself a break. I know that’s easier said than done, believe me, but it does work. I hate to sound like a stupid infomercial, but I shudder to think where I would be today if I hadn’t found this place.

    An interesting side note on recovery… When I was in the middle of the worst of it I could meditate and really go deep into myself and it brought me peace. Now I cannot go nearly as deep. My mind has now re-erected its’ defenses. Before, it was as if my mind was stripped naked and I learned so much about myself then. I truly think that sometimes this state can be a blessing. Most people never see past their own bullshit, we are face to face with it daily. It doesn’t need to be so scary. I believe it can inform who you are and make you more compassionate to yourself and others.

    Mark, I’m sorry you’re struggling so much. Recovery is a process. Eventually your setbacks will become less and less each time until it feels just like you’ve drank too much caffeine. Pay it no mind. You know you will feel better in a few days. You will not go back to square one. You live with this condition, you are stronger than you know.

  737. Monica Says:

    I honestly revel in my setbacks because I know they mean I’m getting somewhere, lol! And I have to say, this is the first time in months that I have no anxiety…I feel very calm. Now it’s a matter of will I continue this way or slip back, and that is up to me! Even though dp is still there I’m going with things.
    One thing I advise is staying off forums. Honestly, so many of the fears I deal with have been picked up off reading about others fears. Sometimes forums are just used to vent fears to one another and no ones really helping anyone…just a lot of reassurance seeking which helps in short-term but is detrimental to recovery in long term.

  738. Mark R Says:

    Hi there, thanks for all the kind messages, I’ve dealt with setbacks in the past but nothing quite like this. I was hanging on for dear life yesterday. It was really really horrible. I’m going to try and go back to work either today or tomorrow to keep my mind occupied.

  739. Carlie Says:

    Jo, thank you! You’re totally right… there’s no way you could really understand it unless you’ve gone through it, so I’m really appreciative of my parents even attempting to understand what I’m going through and being supportive.

    Matt, I was actually just about to mention that dpmanual site! I read an excerpt from his book months ago, and it’s pretty much exactly what Paul says in his book. Although I haven’t bought it (I have Paul’s, but not the other one), I like what I’ve read and I can see how it would be really helpful. Everything else I’ve seen has looked like a waste of time and money… like those programs that claim to be the only true way to recovery.

  740. Sophia Says:

    Hi Jeff, Paul

    ” An interesting side note on recovery… When I was in the middle of the worst of it I could meditate and really go deep into myself and it brought me peace. Now I cannot go nearly as deep. My mind has now re-erected its’ defenses. Before, it was as if my mind was stripped naked and I learned so much about myself then. I truly think that sometimes this state can be a blessing. Most people never see past their own bullshit, we are face to face with it daily. It doesn’t need to be so scary. I believe it can inform who you are and make you more compassionate to yourself and others.”

    I have something to share on the same..when I was half way through my recovery..I have gone through a stage where I could feel utmost peace, and go according to the way “I” wanted nothing else mattered..mind u I was in my senses…any problem I had, i can always find a very rational solution..i could take in any sarcasm, remarks with a smile as in I know myself deep down who I am Nothing had an influence on me..I lived each day as a new day with a lot of opportunities ahead. This in fact was the best phase of. My life where I could “connect” with myself..I knew what I want and what I could go for?.
    .all because I wasn’t afraid of the outside world
    There was ultimate silence in my mind chatter all I can hear or see is the world outside as raw as it is without any prejudices or attachments to it…I could view it as I was detached from it..

    Now can anyone let me know who have gone through this beautiful stage where u get to know about urself more …is this attained due to our emotions being frozen or still been thawed that we r less scared of anything as there is no emotional reaction or in reality can this stage be attained through practise…

    As Jeff said I have my natural defences back ..i am not free anymore..I can do all that a normal person will do but my mental state is always aware of my emotions..I can’t even laugh without my knowledge..everything is uptight..,!!!

  741. Debbie Says:

    Hi all I’m really struggling to keep afloat since the upset with my friend, I’m trying not to think about it but keep mulling it over in my mind. Today I went and had my hair done which makes me anxious cos I’m stuck there for two hours but I did it, the upset has made me feel shaky, heavy headed and sick, I do feel like I’m drowning.
    I know I’ve got to move on from my friend but I don’t know how to stop it from giving me the anxiety symptoms, I don’t want it pulling me down which it is, any suggestions appreciated?

  742. Helen Says:

    Hi Debbie,
    You have to accept that this is making you feel anxious and you must stop trying not to feel this way. You are feeling bad at the moment and in time it will go but you are putting yourself under pressure to not feel how you do and this will prolong how you are feeling rather than make it go away. Just be patient with yourself, accept that you are upset and anxious about the situation and carry on as normal no matter how you feel. It will go, I promise.

    All the best

  743. Rick Says:

    Hi everyone, think I may have gotten a little ahead of myself in the recovery process as I posted on here a little over a week ago stating I was going to wean myself off of this site and go without it. I think I was putting a time constraint on my recovery and one of the things we should avoid. I was feeling really good at the time and I guess I thought I had to get off of this site. I cant stress (no pun intended, haha) how helpful this site is and what a comfort it is to be able to share your thoughts and feelings with everyone. I’ve made huge strides in recovery and it feels great to have gone this far. It’s been difficult to be patient with all the ups and downs but all the efforts to stay positive are worth it. Paul, or anyone else that can chime in, any advice on when you know you are ready to continue on w/o the aid from this site, your book, or any other items/books we have to assist us. Do we keep them or toss them away? I guess I’m having a little setback because I’m still associating that material with what I see as a negative, but also important part of my life. Important, because I know I will be much stronger after over-coming adversity. I’m having trouble de-sensitizing from words like anxiety, stress, nervousness, and other terms associated with the nervous system/heart. As I’m reading magazines or other material, I find myself getting apprehensive when words associated with anxiety sprout up. I want to be able to not attach a negative meaning to these terms. I know eventually all this will fade and I won’t attach anything to these words. It could be that I’m missing a simple bit of advice but any feedback on this would be appreciated.

    Mark, hang in there, man. I know it’s easier said than done. After I posted a few days ago, I went through a few hard days but you always come out back on top as long as you are patient and following the advice Paul provides in the book and on his site. It’s a process of ups and downs and there’s no way around it…and Debbie, I didnt go back and read about you and your friend…i assume you posted something prior to your post above but remember that anxiety will magnify any little problem we have and make it seem like it’s thhe end of the world. I believe I remember reading something on here about someone who had a friend who was also going through anxiety but then recovered and left that person behind. was that you? if so, dont let that get to you. I’m amazed anyone would leave a true friend behind especially since they know how hard it is to deal with all of this. Remember that we are all here for each other and you can depend on us for help. Not everyone we meet is meant to stay close to us. Unfortunately, this sometimes means people we have knwon for years. All we can do is wish them the best in life, forgive them for anything bad they may have done to us, and carry on…hope this helps : ) I pray we all get through this and are stronger individuals as a result…Wishing everyone on here the best.

  744. claire Says:

    Charles Linden and anyone else claiming to help cure anxiety for a fee (usually Americans)are soulless conscienceless scum.
    I seriously doubt the claims or at least severity of his multiple anxiety disorders
    and that of his ilk considering his primary motivation is the all important dollar.
    For anyone truly suffering recovery and helping others is priceless.
    I am in a massive setback right now but do not doubt Paul’s tip is the only one to be on.I found this site in jan and it saved me.
    Good luck to you all. Claire x

  745. mm16 Says:

    well said claire…. thats just what i think , does anyone have severe fatigue and has it improved so hard to motivate myself when im so worn out , xx

  746. Christine Says:

    Hi MM16 – I’ve come back to work on a full week this week and I feel so tired, was OK yesterday but not great today. Keep getting a headache and then panicky and feeling a bit lightheaded which then leads to some horrible thoughts of craziness. Just trying to get on with things and telling myself that this is just a little setback! I’m sure it’s just the anxiety making you worn out…it can be so tiring! :) x

  747. Christine Says:

    Hi Debbie, don’t despair as the others have saidwe are here for you! Don’t worry about your friend – anyone who has treated you like that is not a friend at all! Remember you’re a special person and you should be so proud of yourself that although you were feeling so bad you went and had your hair done although you didn’t feel up to it! x

  748. Jeff Says:

    Rick, I am pretty much recovered but continue to visit here for several reasons. First of all, after all the time I’ve spent here, I’m rooting for everyone here. It’s nice to see people doing better and often people write things that help me put things in perspective. I also know what it’s like (the most awful thing a person can experience) and think that maybe I can say something to help someone occasionally. Finally, it allows me a break at work to point my browser this way:)

    I continue to do all the things that helped me out of it. Why would I stop? I still run almost daily (half-marathon this Saturday), go to yoga weekly, and take a supplement cocktail nightly (vit d, magnesium, fish oil). I have “graduated” from therapy but will continue to see my therapist once a month. I never leave the house without a valium where I know I can get to it if I need it. The pill is a safety net, and I’ve accidentally left without one a few times and nothing happened, but I’m not ready to give that one up quite yet (though I haven’t taken one for months). I say keep reading the book if you need it. Keep coming here. Respect the words “anxiety,” “stress,” and “nervousness” but don’t identify with them. Those things are not what you are, they are things you deal with. That sensitivity goes away with time. I used to get full blown panics whenever the word “schizophrenia” was mentioned. No more. Don’t put any limitations on what you need to do right now. Don’t give yourself any rules. There are no rules: whatever is right for you is the right path. Don’t be in a hurry. Just let it come naturally. Sometimes you can focus too much on recovery and what it is you’re doing or not doing right; all you need is to just “be.” Figure out what it’s like to be comfortable again. When comfortable moments come, think the happiest and most positive thoughts you can. When the bad moments come, try and relax and tell yourself it will go away soon. best to you all.

  749. Matt Says:

    Carlie…I would advise to buy it, his and paul’s book are a life-saver. The different thing about his book, is he talks about DP symptoms in great detail and why they are there, also he gives some really great explanations about DP in general that helped me get to the other side. Not to downplay paul’s book, or compare, but his recovery process was the same as paul’s. Again, the difference is that he goes into far more detail about the condition, but does it in a way that is positive, like paul.

    Jeff…I consider myself almost recovered too, and it’s a great feeling to know that you can and will overcome whatever we go through. Life is beautiful again, and I feel like “me” which is the most important thing. I read about people’s natural defense’s coming back, and that’s a good thing for me. I can get angry for good reasons not because of some internal struggle, I can get sad for normal reasons, I can be happy like a normal human being. I learned that every single person on earth goes through struggles, now mine are based on external things like, school, finances, etc. Rather then my anxiety state. I compare it to recovery from addiction, when I was 18 I stopped using drugs and my head cleared, but at the same time I was learning to live this new lifestyle and it was unfamiliar to me. So, it took awhile for me to adjust and learn to be a normal human being without drugs as a safety net. Anxiety is no different, you learn to recover and then you learn to live your life normally without the problems associated with it. So living without it is as much of a learning process as living with it, in my case. It can feel weird being normal sometimes cause it’s like, “wow, that monkey is off my back”. You spend so long living with it, that without it takes time to adjust too. Anyways, those are my two cents. Hope everyone is doing good!

  750. Matt Says:

    Debbie…sounds like you are letting your anxiety take you for a ride in this particular situation. When we have anxiety, we are extremely sensitive to other people’s words, in your case, sounds like you let what she said or did bother you to the point to where you can’t stop obsessing about it. If you’re like me, her words would probably replay in my mind over and over, and then I would allow that to make me feel worthless and helpless. It’s all utter nonsense and false. I’ve learned to rely on people I can trust and have lost friendships because of my anxiety and they thought I was some mentally ill person because they had no knowledge about the condition. You said your friend did have problems with anxiety and came out the other side, if she reacts like that towards you then she’s definitely not someone you should even waste your time on. It’s like me, if I were to give up smoking cigarettes, then turn around and judge someone else for smoking themselves, even though I used to do the same thing!! She doesn’t seem worth your time, and I know you will overcome everything you’re going through and not make the same mistake she does.

  751. sinead Says:

    hey everyone, i like to drop in every now and then because at the beginning this site helped me so much and was just reading through some of the posts (sorry for just skimming them have so much on at minute) and people are chattn about other methods etc for helping with anxiety.i dont want to preach or tell people what to do or what will or wont help but i think the moment i start feeling a whole lot better was when i just let go and stopped trying so hard to fight it and find something to cure it or make it go away-i dont think any “method” works to get rid of anxiety-because to do any method you have to try and if you find yourself trying and concentrating on your anxiety it will never leave you-i suppose what im saying is-dont use any method to get rid of your anxiety (which in fact is a method in itself pauls method! :) ) i dont know whether anyone will even remember me coming on here in september and i was feeling rubbish and depressed for so long, i wanted to drop out of uni, i wanted to curl up in a ball and hide away from the world, i hid away from friends, it was hard to have conversations because i couldnt concentrate on what people were saying.counselling helped because it is good for someone to just say its ok to feel sad-you feel sad beacuse anxiety is so rubbish!but my progress really started when the counselling finished and i got busy living-because it just took the intense focus off my anxiety.i am in no way cured, i maybe never will be, im an anxious person :) but what i do know is for long periods i forget about anxiety now, i have fun with my friends, i care about things again and worry about actual normal things and not the crazy things anxiety used to make me worry about,i feel emotions again and have feelings separate from anxiety and sadness.i had one bad setback in january after a batch of exams (which i passed and got distinctions in-go figure that it would strike just when i was ecstatically happy and so proud of myself-a lesson that anxiety can creep up any time any place!) and may have more but i havent been on here in a couple of months-well it feels like a couple of months it might have been more recently im not sure, but it sure as hell beats when i needed to come on here 5 times a day.focus on living, focus on life, focus on family and friends DONT focus on anxiety and methods to cure it or get rid of it and youll learn to live with it-which seems like not that much fun but when you actually learn to live with it-it strangely stops being such a huge focus in your life any more and ebbs away-its a strange feeling.just wanted to share how good im doing at the minute and say thanks again for everything-i may or may not need peoples support again but i will defo be on here to offer support as much as uni/exams etc allows!

  752. sinead Says:

    hey everyone, i like to drop in every now and then because at the beginning this site helped me so much and was just reading through some of the posts (sorry for just skimming them have so much on at minute) and people are chattn about other methods etc for helping with anxiety.i dont want to preach or tell people what to do or what will or wont help but i think the moment i start feeling a whole lot better was when i just let go and stopped trying so hard to fight it and find something to cure it or make it go away-i dont think any “method” works to get rid of anxiety-because to do any method you have to try and if you find yourself trying and concentrating on your anxiety it will never leave you-i suppose what im saying is-dont use any method to get rid of your anxiety (which in fact is a method in itself pauls method! :) ) i dont know whether anyone will even remember me coming on here in september and i was feeling rubbish and depressed for so long, i wanted to drop out of uni, i wanted to curl up in a ball and hide away from the world, i hid away from friends, it was hard to have conversations because i couldnt concentrate on what people were saying.counselling helped because it is good for someone to just say its ok to feel sad-you feel sad beacuse anxiety is so rubbish!but my progress really started when the counselling finished and i got busy living-because it just took the intense focus off my anxiety.i am in no way cured, i maybe never will be, im an anxious person :) but what i do know is for long periods i forget about anxiety now, i have fun with my friends, i care about things again and worry about actual normal things and not the crazy things anxiety used to make me worry about,i feel emotions again and have feelings separate from anxiety and sadness.i had one bad setback in january after a batch of exams (which i passed and got distinctions in-go figure that it would strike just when i was ecstatically happy and so proud of myself-a lesson that anxiety can creep up any time any place!) and may have more but i havent been on here in a couple of months-well it feels like a couple of months it might have been more recently im not sure, but it sure as hell beats when i needed to come on here 5 times a day.focus on living, focus on life, focus on family and friends DONT focus on anxiety and methods to cure it or get rid of it and youll learn to live with it-which seems like not that much fun but when you actually learn to live with it-it strangely stops being such a huge focus in your life any more and ebbs away-its a strange feeling.just wanted to share how good im doing at the minute and say thanks again for everything-i may or may not need peoples support again but i will defo be on here to offer support as much as uni/exams etc allows!

  753. Bill Says:

    Been to the dentist today and had two extractions,not good.I sort of expected to feel a bit tense but when i came out and put my spectacles back on i just could not focus,now i have a bit of this regularly but not to this level, it actually took me a good twenty minutes before i felt okay to drive,i guess i must have been super anxious or tense,i also blink an awful lot trying to focus,anyone there have similar symptoms.Best wishes,Bill.

  754. Monica Says:

    Sinead – I’m in university as well, and when I was going through my bad time I was thinking I’d have to drop-out and my grades this semester are a lower unfortunately :( but I am doing so much better! You know when you suffering you tell yourself you will get better and it’ll be fine but you never actually believe it? Well I’m starting to really believe it. Thanks Sinead, that was a great post to read :)

  755. DCYL Says:

    Hey All,

    Hope everyone is well! I’ve had a few up and down days. Most of it is due to me not sleeping a lot (going out late, then having to work or do other stuff early the next day). However, hanging out / exercising has made me feel better. Tonight, I will focus on sleeping a little earlier. :)

    I don’t know how many people here follow baseball, but one of our local players Aubrey Huff was diagnosed with a “Anxiety Disorder” and put on the disabled list. I know there was another player last season that had the same issue (from another team).

    The interesting part is reading the comments online from our local paper. There are some who are understanding and some who are not. But there are extreme ones where people say “you are stuck forever”, “it’s a mental illness”, and some other things I don’t want to write here.

    I’m wanting to scream “you’re all wrong”. But I’m not interested in getting into a debate. There are some people who say they recovered but every time I see the subject brought up, I’m curious what papers say about it.

  756. Matt Says:

    Aubrey Huff, that’s funny because I watched him play for the chattanooga lookouts before he went to the the Reds. Chattanooga is in Tennessee by the way. He was also on steroids, supposedly, but anyways that’s ironic that you mentioned his name because I watched him play before he became famous. It just shows that anyone, and I mean anyone can develop this condition. I’ve heard of musicians, actors, etc. who developed anxiety problems, the good thing is that we have the key, based on paul’s method and website. Don’t concern yourself with other people’s problems, it just makes it worse in the long run. Like I said before, when you’re in that anxiety state you are extremely sensitive to everything, so even reading about something like that can set you off.

  757. Rick Says:

    Jeff, thank you for the response. You’re right, it is nice to be able to come here and gain a different perspective and outlook on things. The support on here is truly a lifesaver for me, and many others, I’m sure. I like the following statement you made–” Respect the words “anxiety,” “stress,” and “nervousness” but don’t identify with them. Those things are not what you are, they are things you deal with.” This makes a lot of sense. Anxiety or any other problem/obstacle in life we may encounter doesn’t define who we are; it is something we are meant to overcome. You’re right. Whatever path works for you is ok; stay the course and be patient. Those ‘aha’ moments, periods of peace, and ultimately full recovery will come when we least expect. Thanks again and wishing everyone the best.

  758. Joshua Says:

    Hey Bill
    I get that sometimes too. It’s strange, when I wake up in the morning from a good nights sleep I don’t have that problem but if I take a nap or lay down doing something like watching tv my vision is blurry for while. I don’t think that is unusual but is amplified for anxiety sufferers. Not to mention all the novacane the dentists used to make you numb probably didn’t help either. Also you had 2 extractions which the body would definitely react to, I had my wisdom teeth removed all at the same and my vision was quite blurry afterwards and I didn’t even have anxiety at the time. There are alot of factors that could play into your experience and anxiety can definitely play a role especially how you react to it. I wouldn’t worry to much about it Bill plus it was an anxious day to begin with, I know I get anxious at the dentist :)

  759. Bill Says:

    Hi Josh,thanks for that,i am struggling a bit with acceptance,i have aches and pains in the stomach and sides and also my upper back,it just seems as if i am super sensitive and am feeling everything,finding it hard to just ignore.Dizziness like yourself is always there.I need two more teeth out on monday so will have to be calm about it all.Hope you are feeling good,best wishes,Bill.

  760. sinead Says:

    monica-great to hear youve stayed in university and dont let your grades being lower get you down-during tough times its so hard to concentrate and the main thing is that youre still there and still trying and are surviving-because at the worst times thats all it feels like -survival but it can and will and does get better and im glad youre starting to think that now.and i was exactly the same with not believing i would feel better-part of me knew it would get better but a huge part of me also thought i never would i even asked my dad could i possibly get better even though i was so afraid and so convinced i wouldnt and couldnt and he just said yes-so i just want to say that to you too you dont have to fully believe it you part of you can still question…and it will still get better,dont worry :) it takes time and focus and just keeping trucking away at your studies :) my anxiety at one stage made me so bad that as well as wanting to drop out just cos it was so hard i became convinced i hated every bit of my course too and had never liked it and wanted to do something else-but with my mums support she helped me see how much i had loved it preanxiety and just helped me going and i see now anxiety can try and make you worry about things so much to a point that you start thinking your a completely different person and nothings the same as it was-you have to trust in yourself that youre still the same person,youre just going through a tough time, and dont trust your anxious feelings because theyre just there to disrupt you for a bit and when you ignore them and get on with your day they will subside.i used to think i would never be happy again, that would run through my mind for weeks-i now go out every day and even if im feeling rubbish i try to have the best most happy day ever just to mentally punch my anxiety in the face 😉 i dont ever think ill be clear of anxietys cos theres still a part of me that lives in fear of a setback and when i become nonchalant to the thought of a setback thats when i know the anxiety is really gone.
    ps bill im a dental student and all my patients are anxious when they come to see me-speak to your dentist because they will do all they can to makes things easier for you :) and it is a stressful and tiring experience so go easy on yourself-even i hate the dentist!

  761. Joshua Says:

    When you go to the dentist Monday try to expect or anticipate to feel anxiety or strange feelings that way it doesnt surprise or upset you when it happens. That is usually what I try to do and it works for me. Ignoring symptoms just simply doesn’t work and for me it exacerbates them. I remember the last time I went to the dentist I knew I was going to be dizzy when they sat me up and it was time to leave. Expecting that I didn’t become nearly as anxious as I would have been. Now that you know that youre vision was blurry expect it to happen but now you know it’s nothing to be upset over. Sort of like gong to the market or out for a drive, you know that you will feel off balance dizzy and have head pressure but now that you anticipate it, the worry over it becomes less until you do it regardless of the symptoms. I hope that makes sense, I feel maybe I’m not explaining it too well, I’m kinda a goof when it comes to communication skills :)
    I’ve been doing pretty well. It’s funny after I got over my jet lag from my trip I felt nearly symptomless for a week or so but I went to a resturaunt for my brothers birthday and I started to feel the dizziness and initially for the first 10 minutes or so I began to panic until I realized that I was putting myself throgh it again and said to myself ” no big deal, been here before it’s uncomfortable as hell but no need to get frustrated over it.” so the past week or so I’ve been having heart palpitations and dizziness and a few other really strange symptoms but I’m making a good and successful (at least I hope 😉 ) attempt at not even giving it them time of day to worry over. I still get pangs of fear here and there but everythings working so far and it beats worrying about setbacks. I think what you are going through now is just similar in terms of having anxious blips and all it takes is a little bit of resilience and I think we all exceed at that given to what we go through! I hope your dentist visit goes well I’m sure you will do great regardless of how bad the symptoms are.

  762. Bill Says:

    I will certainly do that on monday Josh,your replies always make good sense to me,it is just applying them where i have trouble,i am full of good intentions and feel strong and within 24 hours my confidence seems to be at zero.I am struggling to get the thoughts of back pain out of my head as it is quite severe and new to me,the usual thoughts enter my head of course,is it anxiety or what etc.Thanks again Josh and i am certain you will be 100 per cent very soon with your attitude.Sinead thanks for your kind words also,regards,Bill.

  763. Joshua Says:

    I can certainly understand that struggle, Bill. That was always one of my biggest struggles and worries was convincing my self that this wasn’t something else because i thought for sure my brain alone couldn’t be doing this to me or make me feel this way. At some point I have probably thought I’ve had every disease known to man, lol. I know I certainly felt like it and then some! Then I would feel great, think I’ve got it figured out only to wake up the next day feeling worse than ever thinking how did this happen? I though I got the hang of it. In fact I would say that is the biggest anxiety symptom out of all of them, convincing yourself that it’s just anxiety. It took practice to get the hang of it and I finally took Pauls advice to “quit trying to figure it all out” and that took practice too. But it certainly works, all it takes is patience with yourself even when it’s frustrating.
    I have noticed alot of people talking about back pain recently, I actually find that very interesting because I used to get muscle and joint pain when I was really anxious and it neve occured to me that it could be anxiety. But it makes perfect sense because of all the tensing we probably do unconsciously.
    I think that may be a reason for the pressure headaches we get, Bill. I hope your back feels better soon, maybe you can find a good relaxation technique that can help relax the muscles.

  764. Ivy V. Says:

    Hi all,

    I am feeling with too much adrenaline or something today, I feel my body under the edge and crazy inside. I know this is not a good day and I’ve had better days, I know that I only give a setback as much power as I want.

    I just kinda feel like running away from work now and just going to home…..feeling frustrated now.

  765. Bill Says:

    Once again Josh,many thanks for the time you spend encouraging and reassuring me [and others] it is very much appreciated.I think you are spot on regarding the tension,i can feel myself right now whilst typing this tensing in the shoulders and neck,and probably my back,i am like an over inflated tyre that could do with someone sitting on me to squeeze it all out.We are very similar in an awful lot of our symptoms and i just want to follow you in the steps you have taken to recovery,please don’t leave us when you do recover fully,thanks Bill.

  766. Mark R Says:

    Hi Josh,

    You seem knowlegable on the subject so just thought you could respond?

    Basically I am going through an awful, awful setback. I suffered a breakdown in 2010 and slowly over the last 2 years have got myself better and almost to 100%.

    Over the last week or so I started to feel anxious, panicky again. Ive hardly slept, eaten and have constant high anxiety symptoms. I think I was almost recovered and could almost feel I was myself again after almost 2 years. Now I feel really low, tense and anxious.

    My life outside the anxiety symptoms is much better than it was 2 years ago, as everything was a mess then. I feel like this has hit me really hard and need some reassurance. Guess I just need to ride this setback out I guess?

  767. Joshua Says:

    Thanks for the very kind words Bill. I will always be happy to help where I can :) I think the reason for my attitude being the way it is, is because like Paul I have suffered for over a period of years myself but on and off. I simply got to a point where I wanted to reclaim my life back even if it meant I had to make myself suffer worse than I had ever suffered before to get there, which very thankfully didn’t happen, LOL! I discovered this site and the rest is history. We will get there Bill and the great part is we will have a better understanding of ourselves afterwards. Thanks again Bill

  768. Joshua Says:

    Hi Mark
    It sounds to me you have the right idea and just let them be there. You can’t actually fight the feelings because the is nothing there to fight. I think that something we anxiety sufferers often think is that there is a battle we hav to win and there really isn’t. I’ve used this analogy before I think but it is sort of like having the flu, when you are sick you don’t think about the fever or chills or body aches, you just simply have them, there isn’t anything you can do about it and you dont worry about it because it’s part of the condition your in at the moment. You do the only thing you can do and that’s let your body heal. Right now it’s similar, every chemical in your brain and body are all over the place, there isn’t anything wrong with them or you they just need time to heal. Just as you wouldn’t poke an open wound with a stick don’t let your mind allow you to get anymore anxious than your condition already has you in. It will pass but you will have to accept the fact that you may not feel well in the process. The beauty of it though is you don’t have the flu so you still can do all the things that you could normally do and in fact I suggest it even if you feel horrendous. Just know that no matter how you feel ( and believe me I KNOW how bad you can feel) that it’s not worth investing any extra energy in and despite how you feel you can still have q very happy and fulfilling life. Once you realize this I think you will notice the symptoms are not as devastating as you thought even when they are bad. I hope that helps and also remember that you have been here before and that you came out on the other side and you felt like you hadn’t in a while, there is nothing to fret over it’s just part of the setback your in and you haven’t done anything wrong. You might not feel like it right now but you may be almost there!

  769. Mark R Says:

    Hi Josh,

    Thanks for your inspiring words. I did actually feel like I was almost there. The only times I felt bad were in the mornings, but in the past when Ive recovered these disappeared.

    Ive not dealt with this setback very well to be honest, Ive not gone to work, Ive cried on the phone to my therapist, ive barely eaten.

    I suppose what is fuelling the setback is the worry of going back to square one. Is this the worry for everyone? Is it even possible to go back to the start without even recovering properly??

  770. Joshua Says:

    I think that veryone with anxiety has that fear Mark and no you won’t go back to the beginning. Just know that everything you have said is anxiety by the book and everyone here I’m sure can relate to the very same things you have said. I know I can.

  771. Mark R Says:

    Thanks Josh,

    I think you can appreciate from my posts Ive been having a turbulent time to say the least. I think a setback is worse when you’re coming to the end of your suffering as its such a stark contrast in feeling reallly well and feeling the symptoms so acutely again.

    Are you recovered by the way?

  772. Joshua Says:

    Hi Mark
    No I am not recovered but I would say since january or februrary I have been in the last bit of recovery. I still feel the symptoms of anxiety but the anxiety itself doesn’t bother me a bit which I think is the path of recovery. Whenever I feel the symptoms I just let them be there, not being afraid if them and just live my life alongside with them. I guess in a certain sense I could say I was recovered but I think I would be being dishonest with myself if I said that and would rather say I am recovered when my body and mind tells me I am recovered. Unfortunately symptoms don’t leave overnight and the best thing to do is let them run their course and do our best not to get anxious over them and rebuild the habits that created them.
    Paul has a great article on setbacks on this site and I think I would be a good idea to read it if you haven’t already. He talks a bit about how they often feel like we go back to square one and how we often feel like we have forgotten or unlearned the things we have learned in the past which is completely untrue of course but it can certainly feel that way. in fact I believe he says setbacks are almost necessary in the process of recovery. I think your still on a strong path to recovery Mark despite the setback, and are doing a good job of dealing with it, sometimes it’s just hard to recognize it in ourselves when we have our anxiety blinders on. Don’t worry, you’ll get there you are just hitting a rough patch and that happens.

  773. Mark R Says:

    Hi Josh,

    Id say I was similar to you then really. As from around November, December time I started to feel hardly any anxiety at all and the small amount I did didnt bother me. I have hit a rough patch, the problem is I started a new job in March and now Im in my probationary period. I am finding it tough going working through the symptoms and appearing normal at work.

  774. DCYL Says:

    Interesting note Matt, thanks! Also, thanks for pointing out not to focus on other’s problems. Funny, even though I read the story, I wasn’t too sensitive. :) Overall, I’m alright just focused on how I feel sometime. I definitely know it’s a habit from before due to an ankle injury I had. I’d always check in when I did something because I hurt it pretty bad years ago.

    In any case, greta to hear you are doing better and others as well.

  775. rachaeldm Says:

    Hello All….I feel so bad…. i was doing so well. I had bad panic and anxiety that built up over 2 years after my son ws born in 2006. It slowly crept up on me and by 2009 i was so bad i became agrophobic. Mainly due to the D.P feeling. Well all was going well recently i had gone back to work 7 months ago. Starting to travel out of my safety zone. but then 4 weeks ago. I started having panic attacks again. I spoke with my therapist and we both couldnt work out why they had come back again. Then 3 weeks ago i found out i am pregnant . I was told my son was a miracle and the odds of it happening again would be like winning the lottery odds were very slim. Of course the hormones had brought the attacks back. Iam still in shook but for the last week i have been unconsolable i feel guilty for feeling so bad…. i should be happy right? but i have developed a fear of being pregnant it is making me ill. i’m scared i won’t be able to cope. The thought of carrying a life inside me is seriously freaking me out…. But why as i have done this before. important so scared to feel the baby move inside me and just knowing i have a life inside me makes me panic. Of course i want this baby it would be great for my son to have a sibling. but why do i feel so bad? Can anyone offer me advice? I feel extremely embarrassed about the situation . How can i make the most enjoyable experience in life such a miserable is making me ill. Thank you in advance for Snyder replied

  776. Joshua Says:

    Hi rachaeldm
    I don’t think you are making great experience into a bad one, anxiety makes people feel and think all kinds of things and very often it is situational and events that bring about the anxiety. You don’t have anything to feel guilty for and just remind yourself when you think thes thoughts or feel these feelings that is the anxiety and not you. I may not be able to give the best advice on pregnancy but I do know that hormonal changes do bring about anxiety and I don’t think you have anything to feel bad or guilty for regardless of the the thoughts and fears you may have had.

  777. Joshua Says:

    Hi Mark,
    I know what you mean, work can be a turbulent place to deal with especially a new job when you have anxiety. I didn’t quit or take any kind of leave of absence this time around and that was very beneficial despite that it was rough initially to say the least. I once took a leave of absence at a job once due to anxiety and it made my anxiety worse coming back to it.

  778. Jo Says:

    Will this weird feeling of detachment ever leave I ask myself? I am not feeling too bad otherwise, but I do hate this feeling of unreality.
    I sort of believe it will go eventually, but I also sometimes can’t see an end to it. I know I’m being impatient, I want to be me again now. I think I’m begining to get the hand of acceptance, but it is so frustrating to be ALMOST there. Maybe my mind knows I am not quite ready for normality yet :)
    Hope everyone else is getting by. x

  779. Mark R Says:

    Hi all, sorry to post, after feeling really high levels of anxiety it had kinda simmered down. Had a great day yesterday, went to work, felt positive about coming through my setback but today all I can do for the last hour is cry my eyes out. Not sure whether it’s because I feel so stressed out?

  780. Lindsey Says:

    Hi, my name is Lindsey and I’m 17. I would tell you about all of my anxiety, but it would take to long. I’ll just say I have had anxiety attacks ever since I was young about thinking I had something wrong with me with every sensation I had. Recently I went to the Hawaiian islands and that is where my depersonalization all started happening. When I got home I forgot about it but recently started to remember it, and it has came back. I fear it. I feel I am deeply thinking about everything I look at and it’s scaring me cause I can’t break out of the cycle. I know it’s all in my head, but I am desperate for help…. I’ve tried medication which of course didn’t work, and finally found your book which helped alot. I am just having a major setback and I feel everything is wrong.  I lay in bed all day feeling there is no way out. I constantly check and analyze my feelings so much that i feel I am not here and i scare myself wondering how my body is doing all these subconsious things ever since I had my depersonalization moment in hawaii. It is now taking over my entire life. I tried going out but my mind is so strong that I am constantly worried about this feeling and I see no positive in life… I never wanted to say this but I am desperate for help… :( 

  781. Doreen Says:

    Hi Mark R. Just read your posts. So very pleased and relieved that you have moved on from feeling so low a few days ago. Don’t worry about the crying. You have been through a lot and maybe you need to let go of this emotion. I am actually pleased when I cry as anxiety seems to have been in the way for so long.

  782. Monica Says:

    Jo – Feelings of detachment and depersonalization would be my #1 worst symptom. There was points where I’d cry and get panic attacks just because of the feelings. I felt like I’d lost myself completley…that I didn’t have a personality anymore. When I looked at photos of myself or in the mirror I felt unrecognizable. Of course, no one around me could tell what turmoil I was going through. It’d been like this for months and as you read here, you must wait and be patient, the feelings will pass. I didn’t believe it but finally I am seeing changes. My anxiety has decreased A LOT but the dp was still there. But now I am finally feeling like me again and slowly the feelings of dp and unreality are leaving. They’re still there but not as prominent and not as frequent. I’ll randomly get a wave of it, but I know what it is now and that eventually it will go! And this took weeks. I find for myself the dp precedes the anxiety. So once the anxiety is completely gone, eventually the unreality will lift too. We must be patient!

  783. marc Says:

    hey everyone,

    havent posted on here in a long long time. still on the rocky road to recovery, good days bad days,good weeks bad weeks and so forth! i just wanted to post up here to see if anyone can relate with me. my main symptoms i mostly struggle with are dp and constant thinking(mind chatter i suppose), but what i want to ask does anyone else get these really strange thoughts and feelings that are just so weird that you cant even describe them???????? my recent strange thoughts have been that everything that is happening is in the past and its gone like it didnt happen or something(see very hard to describe lol), for example a song i just listened to on my i-pod, every single lyric that is sang and every note that is played is just going by and its all in the past! its like i cant focus on the here and now and appreciate the present moment or something. really weird! and sometimes it reallys scares the crap out of me, like i was just having a conversation with my mum a few minutes ago and this feeling of it all being in the past,every word spoken,every expression etc is gone, and then came along this horrible feeling of anxiety,another feeling which i find hard to describe but ill give it a shot, the feeling of anxiety was like u know in some movies or whatever theres a clip of someone on drugs and the way the scene is played as if its what theyre experiencing? anyway i had this feeling like what my mum was saying was echoing and drifting or something,(her voice didnt actually echo but it was like this feeling that it did) and time stood still or some crap and me and everything ceased to exist, and i was completely freaking out!!! i dont know if this feeling was just overwhealment or what, but it was strange and terrifying!!!

    but anyways on a positive note, i know all this rubbish is just anxiety and not to let my mind play tricks on me thinking im going mad or whatever, and that i need to stay strong and not give these feelings the respect they dont deserve! but it would be nice if someone could get back to me if they can relate to these bizarre feelings that are just so bloody hard to explain!
    marc :)

  784. Mark R Says:

    But Marc you are giving them loads if respect! Every strange feeling is anxiety based, nothing more. I have strong dp at the moment, it will pass.

  785. claire Says:

    I keep the telephone of my mind open to peace, harmony, health, love and abundance. Then, whenever doubt, anxiety or fear try to call me, they keep getting a busy signal – and soon they’ll forget my number. ~Edith Armstrong

  786. Matt Says:

    Marc…I had those moments of DP as well. Where even the dreams I was having, I would question if those were real moments are just dreams? It’s all DP and is a result of the defensive mechanism of your mind. I had so many strange thoughts and feelings go through me that I almost believed I couldn’t make it through the day, but once I realized what it actually was and how to recover from it, I did. For me, it happened in a matter of months, not days, so you really have to be patient with yourself and remind yourself of what you’re going through. Once you can do that, the feelings and thoughts begin to subside as if they were never there at all!! But again, it did take a little while for me to return to my normal self, but I knew it would happen and I really took Paul’s advice and can say that I am nearing recovery. I mean for god’s sakes, I just did a months worth of volunteer work for school where I had to lead groups with adults and adolescents dealing with drugs!! In my worst state, I couldn’t even get out of bed! So yes, it does get so much better if you understand and accept what you’re going through. Also, a recommendation I would make is don’t drink alcohol, I drank almost every night due to my DP and I would wake up feeling even more out of it and scared. Once I stopped the drinking, it made a huge difference in me. Certain lifestyle changes I had to make and once I did it helped me to move on with my life. It’s funny, because DP is due to a defensive mechanism in our brain, the solution is so simple, but so hard to practice. Once you practice it, it goes away like it was never there at all. Hope everyone is doing well!!

  787. Matt Says:

    Oh, and also sometimes certain songs would play throughout my head all day, whether it was from a kid’s show or something I heard on the radio. This really bothered me, but once I realized it was based on a tired mind I let those songs get stuck in my head and they eventually left as well.

  788. Jo Says:

    Monica, thank you for your reply. I can relate to everything you have said, and it helps to know that someone else understands. I feel like I have lost myself too. Like you, I don’t know that person looking back at me in the mirror. I can function fairly well now but it’s like being on auto pilot. I know what to do, I just can’t FEEL it, if that makes sense. Thank you for your reassurance. xx
    Marc.- yes I often feel that way,and it’s very frightening. I can’t describe the feeling either, so I’m not even going to try but I do know what you mean.

  789. Michelle M Says:

    Hi All

    I do know where I am going wrong but unable at the moment to get round this. Basically I have so much trouble in just accepting that I have had intrusive thoughts and that I fear mental health. This mainly happens at the time of the month for me, the rest of the month im ok. Last night I was seriously thinking of taking myself off to a&e because I really thought I was having some kind of breakdown. Will I ever get to the stage where I really dont care any more. This is destroying me at the moment and cannot see a way out.

    Marc I too have the strangest thoughts and feelings and analyse absolutely everything.

    I just get so upset that I feel there is something not quite right with me and feel that all this is more than anxiety. I know that I am no different from anyone else on here with regards to strange thoughts.

    Please just tell me the best way to accept. Do I say to myself “ok so if I become bi-polar then so what” and within time the thoughts disappear? I just cant get it.

    Thanks again and sorry I am not offering advice to anyone else…I will get there one day.

    Michelle x

  790. Carlie Says:

    DCYL, I’m actually a huge baseball fan and I heard about Aubrey Huff last week. One of my friends is a Giants fan and she was telling me about some of the insensitive things people were saying about him… some of them just wanted him to “man up” and get over it, but they obviously don’t know how anxiety works. It can affect anyone, and just because it’s not a broken leg or something you can see doesn’t make it any less real. I hope he feels better soon and is able to play again.

    Marc, your post actually freaked me out a little because I have pretty much had that same obsession at times. It’s always changing, but I have struggled with that one. It’s so weird what the mind can come up with and what it can convince us we need to worry about. But I just wanted to tell you that I totally know where you’re coming from. I would definitely take Matt’s posts to heart, he really explains things in a reassuring, positive way.

    I’ve been having a hard time the past few days due to not getting much sleep. And when I try to go to bed earlier, I just lay there for awhile thinking. It’s not always bad or negative thoughts, but late at night is when I feel most awake, I guess. I used to always write papers at like 2 AM because it was when I could think most clearly and come up with the best ideas. But anyway, today I was EXHAUSTED and couldn’t wait to go to bed, and now I feel all keyed up for some reason. I hope this horrible insomnia ends soon.

  791. Carlie Says:

    Oh, but one positive I wanted to mention is that yesterday morning I had a hair appointment… my aunt is a hairdresser, so there’s no anxiety involved with actually going, but the last time I had an appointment was September, I think. I was in a worse state at that time than I’m in now, and I remember being scared to look in the mirror and feeling really weird about it. I didn’t have that at all yesterday, and in fact, I never thought about it once. So that’s encouraging!

  792. Mark R Says:

    Hi all,

    I’m at a low ebb today. Totally fed up and its only 11am. Over the last 10 years ive suffered 3 bouts of anxiety each lasting 18 months to 2 years at a time. When I finally thought I was over the 3rd, which was the last 2 months I feel anxious again. EVERYONE including my therapist told me it was a short term setback but I cant seem to accept it as that. My life is better than ever now, I left my job at the end of Feb to trade on Ebay 2 days a week/ Im thinking that if I get anxiety even when things are going well for me what chance have I got? I feel this is all my life is going to be. I just want to relax, be myself again. I’m sorry for this rant but I just need to release this.


  793. Mark R Says:

    3 weeks ago I was looking forward to all the things that is going on this year, festivals, weddings etc. I even got my confidence back enough to go on dates and now I feel down again.

  794. Doreen Says:

    I am sorry you are struggling again Mark R. I think maybe you are trying too hard to be ok. easier said than done I know, but could you just live with this nastiness and remember that you have come though it before and even a couple of days ago you were in a better place. Asking yourself ‘why’ it is back again may just adds to the stress. I have felt pretty good on some days when I was expecting to struggle and felt crap on others when all the ingredients were there for me to feel ok. I think the message ‘I should be ok’ is not helpful.

  795. Mark R Says:

    Hi Doreen,

    I dont mean why its back after a few days, I mean why is it back after feeling good for so long? I finally had my life sorted and how can I feel so awful? Im 31 and a lifetime full of this seems utterly pointless.

  796. marc Says:

    thanks for the reply guys, i really appreciate it. the thing is i know myself that its just the dp and anxiety nothing more nothing less and that its completely harmless. but u know yourselves when really weird scary shit comes into your head thats virtually unexplainable its difficult at the most of times to just accept them as symptoms of a tired mind! thats what really gives me a pain in my arse is that iv had dp and anxiety everyday for the past 2 years and had them for a year and a half 6 years ago and yet i still get these new thoughts and feelings cropping up time to time! but i know once i keep living my life as normal and just getting on with my day not giving a shit how i feel ill be back to my old self eventually!

    thanks again for the reply guys and i hope some people got relief from my post to see that they arent the only ones with really bizarre feelings and thoughts going on!

  797. Raph Says:

    Hi all,
    first of all thanks to all people contributing to all the great advise on this blog!
    I have had social anxiety for some years now, and also developed DP/DR some time ago, I guess due to the daily strain I put on my mind with all the anxious and self-defeating thoughts. I feel very lonely and a total stranger to this world. I feel that my social anxiety is only a symptom of having a very poor self image; I somehow feel to be defective at the core. Over the years I have set up a mask which repressed all these very disturbing feelings, a false self that tried to compensate the perceived defectiveness by outside achievements. I have always repressed all the depressive feelings I felt, all the feelings of inadequacy, always trying to keep the act going. It takes tremendous psychic energy, and I feel shameful about my whole existence. Some time ago, I have totally lost interest in all the things that I really liked some years ago. Soon after that, DP set in.
    Do you think that Paul’s approach is still the right way to go with such feelings of inferiority and shame, or should I instead go and see a doctor (the point is that I have already done talk therapy without any success, but I have to say that the therapist was really not very good, to put it nicely). Is there someone who has felt similarly?
    Any comments and advice appreciated :)

  798. Katie Says:

    Hi again,
    Thanks for replying to my message :) I think I’ll stay away from the Linden Method, sounds too good to be true, and now I have Paul’s book I feel I’m on the right track anyway.
    I had another CBT session last week, didn’t even cry was even quite happy chatting away about my week. It’s so true if you keep yourself busy you feel so much better (thanks paul). Last week I made sure I was out the house everyday popping in different shops, talking to shop assistants just taking it easy, before I would run in and out as fast as I could because of the fear but now I just laugh at myself like it’s not real, only thoughts.
    I love riding my bike even when it was raining and windy and I had to fight against the elements just to ride home I loved it because I felt so alive :)
    I said to the councillor that I panic more when im stuck in a queue like i fear something awful will happen and I’m stuck here, so my task for this week is getting stuck in long queues as many times as I can and I have to write down my anxiety level between 1 and 10 before, at the start and after, I have to stay in the situation till I feel my anxiety level has halved, this is pretty difficult when you can’t find a long queue, she said if your anxiety level hasnt gone down by the time you leave the queue get back in it hahaa should be fun. Apparently this is called exposure therapy the more times you do it the less you fear it.
    Also with me worrying about my holiday like thinking something bad will happen in the airport, I have to write down the scenario and make it as bad as possible like the worst things i think will happen at the airport then the councillor will make me record me saying it and then I have to listen to it over and over and this is supposed to get rid of the fear as the more times I’ve heard it like imagined it the less I fear it, she said it’s like watching a scary film, the more times you watch it the less scary it is because you know whats coming, sounds like it could work.
    Im also trying to change my thoughts, instead of thinking oh god my holidays getting closer whats goin to happen, I’m thinking ohh im really looking forward to my holiday cant wait to get on the plane, i love flying etc etc etc. I’m also just trying to think in the moment rather than counting the days to the holiday as I know this is probably working myself up for no reason.
    Thanks for listening, Katie x

  799. Jo Says:

    Mark R – please don’t despair. You are not forced to have this for your lifetime, and life is never pointless, although I do know it feels that way sometimes. I went through hell in 2004 and it lasted for months and months, sometimes I believed I would never get better. It must have been two years before I felt anywhere near normal again, but it did happen, and it lasted a few years. But here I am again. It’s not so bad this time, but it still feels awful, especially the DP. But life IS difficult at times, we have to face things we rather wouldn’t time and again,even when we are well and we get by. You WILL get by Mark, believe it. Be kind to yourself, allow yourself the time to heal, don’t try to rush it. Just try to let the worst feelings wash over you and don’t dwell on them. Don’t worry about why it is back or how long it will take to go away again. As Doreen has said, don’t try too hard. The harder we try for something the more elusive it becomes.

  800. marcb Says:

    Hi Katie, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE stay away from the linden method. I did it for a year, I got worse, then because I was so desperate I went to one of his “anxiety retreat centres” for the princely sum of £2700, 6 months later I was back as an out patient at my hospital. When I asked them for helped they simply fobbed me off. The linden method is, as far as im concerned a complete scam and money making exercise. That man charles linden is no doubt a multi millionaire now. I was told to “get a girlfriend” at the retreat! as that would get me off my anxiety! if only it was that simple!…. Marcb

  801. Mark R Says:

    Hi Jo,

    Thanks for your kind words. All I keep doing is looking for reassurance that its a setback from people. I just feel fed up, everytime I try and put my mind to anything I burst into tears.

    I went to see my therapist today who told me that humans often fall back into the trap of anxiety as we are constantly on the lookout for it. I’m just sick of falling into that trap, sick of feeling awful. I’m sorry but I just dont feel positive at the moment.

  802. Mark R Says:

    I still haven’t even recovered properly from the last dose of it and now I feel bad again. Its still going round my head if its a setback or not or whether I am actually ill again.

  803. Jo Says:

    Don’t be sorry Mark, I’m sure it is just a set back. I think it is reasonable to keep falling back, it would be just too weird to be normal in a snap of the fingers. And in any case does it really matter whether it is a set back or illness. After all either one will go away again, in time. Try not to stress over why you feel this way. I know how hard that is believe me, but like everything else it will come with practise….lots of practise. Just remember, you are not alone, we all understand, and wish you well. x

  804. Mark R Says:

    Thanks Jo. I suppose it doesnt matter either way, it will leave me eventually. It doesnt feel half as bad as before though. Last time I wanted to hospitalise myself.

    I just thought the last time would be the end of it. I usually have a few good years in between rather than one or two months which it seems to have been this time round.

  805. Doreen Says:

    Hi Mark – me again. I did understand that you meant ‘why is it back after so long?’.
    I guess many of us on this blog have asked ourselves that question, so really do appreciate the need you feel to have an answer. However, as Jo said maybe trying to find the answer just gives you more stress. As I said in an earlier message, telling yourself you should be ok as all the right ingredients are there is putting too much pressure on yourself. It is like the anxiety is saying ‘oh no, you are not getting away that easily’. I guess maybe none of us have the right words for you at the moment but we are along side you in this.

  806. Mark R Says:

    Hi Doreen,

    Thanks for your kind words but it is hard to be positive at the moment. On a good note the anxiety is not as high as it was last week and I’m managing to get on with some work, well half a brain on it with tears streaming down my face.

  807. jackie Says:


    Let the tears stream down your face and carry on with your work, cry as much as you want. Don’t try and stop yourself crying, don’t think you must stop. Just do your work with the tears there. I once did a whole whack of ironing crying my eyes out, I remember.

    Don’t try and hide your feelings away, if you do they will come back to you more and more. The more you go through getting on with what you need to do with all the tears and frustrations there, the better you will actually start to feel.

    Instead of kicking yourself with why was I feeling so great then and now I feel like this again, try thinking to yourself, well I know this is just how I feel now, it won’t last and I will begin to feel OK again soon. Feelings come and go, it will end, I promise xx hope to help, Jackie

  808. Mark R Says:

    Thanks Jackie, it actually makes me feel loads better to cry. Ive been through hell this last week and my emotions are all over the place. I’m still getting on with stuff though. I had a walk around the park earlier howling my eyes out, must’ve looked like a right lunatic.

  809. Matt Says:

    markR…Hey man, there is nothing to be ashamed of when crying. I think you said you were 31, well I am 31 too. I remember last year being dropped off at college to take some exams and had and hour inbetween each one, so I was there for a total of four hours with no escape route because I didn’t have a car then. There was a park right across the street and I must have walked five miles just crying because I was afraid and scared. I’ve had plenty of crying fits over the months, but let it all out. I usually felt relief after I cried. When I was at work, I’d go in the bathroom and ball my eyes out and try to make sure I looked normal when I left. The big thing with this is acceptance, period. Once you get to that stage, it gets a whole lot easier after that. But until you truly accept, you are gonna be scared and fearful and all the rest that goes with it. Just keep reading paul’s book over and over again if you have to, it really helped me, especially when his words sank in. Hope everyone is doing well!

  810. Mark R Says:

    Hi Matt,

    I’m hoping it wont be a long term thing as I get times like now where I can think rationally, when I’ve been bad in the past it took me months and months to get any rational thinking. The anxiety was ridiculously high last week but seems to have dropped drastically, I still feel edgy, stressed and feel like someone’s died though.

  811. Monica Says:

    Marchb…that is horrible! I’ve never tried the Linden method and don’t plan on it.
    I just think if I had some great method to help you get rid of your anxiety there is NO WAY that I’d charge thousands of dollars for it. It sucks people are in a desperate, vulnerable state and would do anything

  812. Carlie Says:

    marcb, that’s terrible! I will say that I took Matt’s advice and bought “The DP Manual” which has been VERY helpful so far. His method is basically the same as Paul’s, it’s just that he REALLY goes into detail when it comes to DP. That combined with Paul’s book are the best things I’ve found, and I would probably stay away from other “programs” that make things too complicated and claim that their way is the only way to recover.

  813. Matt Says:

    Carlie…I’m glad you got his book, I would never, ever, stray someone in the wrong direction when it comes to material on the subject. But the DP manual, at times, were a lifesaver for me because his symptoms were exactly like mine and it helped give me the confidence to move on with my life, along with paul’s book. Those are the only two books I recommend, other then claire week’s, but paul’s and the manual go into far more detail that give a lot of hope to me and i’m sure thousands of others.

    I, myself, have never tried the linden method, I almost bought his $200 or so program, but something seemed extremely fake to me about it, so I went with my gut instinct on that one, glad I didn’t buy it, I wasted so much money on other useless products that I really didn’t want to do it anymore.

    I also did research on Aubrey Huff and found out that he was on the 14-day disabled list, I went on some sites and the comments there were sickening. Like, who cares if someone has anxiety that makes $11 million a year? Well, if i was under that kinda pressure at 35, I would definitely have some anxiety issues as well, not too mention him and his wife are getting a divorce. It really bothers me how people react to such things when they haven’t experienced it at all. Sometimes I wish they spent a day in our shoes, then they would definitely change their minds. But, anyways, had a pretty good day, school is almost over and I’m looking to keep myself busy with other things. Hope everyone is doing well!

  814. DCYL Says:

    Carlie / Matt,

    Yeah – I read the same messages about Aubrey Huff written by folks. When you’ve never gone through it, you don’t understand how it is.

    I also started reading about some of the other players who had suffered too and it got me “thinking again” and that wasn’t such a good thing.

    Thanks to you both for the book recommendation. I actually went to purchase it BUT the download link did not work for some reason. I emailed the author so it hopefully will be taken care of tomorrow.

    I think DP / deep thinking is really one of my last things. I was fairly tired from a long week and whizzed off for a nap last night. I woke up groggy and semi obsessed some weird feelings and I think that persisted into today. After some exercise I am ok. However, I do believe I have the habits the DP Manual references so I’m curious as to how the book suggests to change it.

    Hope everyone is well. I will be at the ball park tomorrow to watch baseball. :)

  815. Jo Says:

    Hi all. Had quite a good day yesterday, but feeling a bit off again today. My eyes are not focusing, and I am a bit dizzy but it will pass, I hope!Time to take my own advice I think:)
    Hope everyone is coping ok. x

  816. Mark R Says:

    Hi Jo, sorry to hear you’re having a bad day today as well. I am too. All ive done for the first part of the day is cry. This anxiety makes you feel so isolated and lonely at times. x

  817. Mark R Says:

    I’m sorry to vent this on a message board but you guys know how I feel.

    I’ve struggled with anxiety on and off for the past 10 years now, the first time in autumn 2001 which lasted until summer 2003 then the second one complicated by depression started in summer 2005 til summer 2007. The third one started in March 2010 then started to get better around summer last year, I thought I was out of then I got bad again a couple of weeks ago.

    I keep crying because I dont seem to have much gaps of beeing well in between and I think I am facing another horrible year of struggling again. My pride is hurt as I keep falling into the same trap of anxiety over and over again and I feel like its my fault. I get so jealous of my friends as I think they have it easy, they dont have problems like mine.

    Ive made so many positive changes over the last two years, with my business and my job and at the moment it hardly means anything to me.

    I honestly this was a knock Ive taken, as everyone keeps telling me but I’m somehow convinced its me again now for the next year or so and I hate myself for it.

  818. Jo Says:

    It certainly does Mark. It is good to come on here and get support from our friends, but I have yet to actually talk to someone in person who understands how it feels. All I feel like doing today is curling up under my throw with my dog and hiding away, but I know that isn’t the right thing to do. My husband and son are both at home so that is some comfort. Let it out Mark, I’m sure that is the best thing to do, don’t try to hold it back. x

  819. Jo Says:

    Mark, it is definitely NOT your fault.Anxiety just happens, you don’t choose to have it. Somehow it gets a grip on us and it is very hard to shake free. Try to remember that you are not alone with it. I wonder how many people suffer other than the ones we know about. There must be thousands!
    I want the other me back. The one who could stand her own, didn’t mind about being alone, could drive anywhere, even tow a caravan with no anxiety.I want to be able to feel joy about painting and doing crafts, instead of feeling empty and not even able to pick up a pencil or paintbrush. But that is too much thinking into the future, so I am trying to live in the today moment. I am trying to believe it will come back, when I’m ready to allow it back. I am just saying to myself, ‘This is how I am today, I’ll live with it’
    That probably doesn’t make much sense but I’m not very good at explaining how I feel. :)

  820. Mark R Says:

    Hi Jo,

    I am gonna try and do some work in a sec though.

    I had loads of plans for this year, now I feel like they are ruined. I was feeling happy and well over Christmas and back to my old self and within the space of a couple of weeks its all gone wrong again. I’m just sick of my life.

  821. Joe P Says:

    Hello Everyone, I know overcoming anxiety can feel like a real struggle at times, but i found this song recently which really cheered me up when i was going through a few rough days and it really spurred me on to live the day rather than ruminate on my feelings. I hope some people on here can relate to it, and it cheers them up aswell.

    If the links don’t work, the song is keanes new one Kenae: starting line from their new strangeland album! Best keane album for a while!

  822. Debbie Says:

    Hiya all, I’ve had a good few days seemed to get over the whole friend situation. Fri and sat I fell normal (u know what I mean) anxiety free, mind chatter free, so it was brilliant least I know I can still feel like that again. Been a bit wobbly the last couple of days so trying not to feel deflated.
    I was going to pop into work and see how I feel but still unsure, if my boss had been a bit more understandable after I didn’t go back after Easter I would’ve felt better about it, also I’ve been staying in the house a lot where I feel safe which I know hasnt helped, do I start getting out everyday first walking the dog or popping into the shops then try going into work? Am I trying to talk myself out of it… perhaps I am!
    I haven’t told my boss I’m popping in, as it’s a shop I thought I’d just pop in see how I feel have a chat offer to help out for an hour or so, no pressure, I’m waiting for a parcel so when it’s come I shall make my mind up, I’m actually making it worse by over thinking, I miss the chats with the customers, miss the money, miss having a purpose, the only thing stopping me is my fear of my feelings, fear of the fear!

  823. Jo Says:

    Marcb – There is a link between mood and lack of sunshine, that is why i have my light therapy box, and I do believe it helps. On Sunny days I am much better, so when there is no sun I use my box. I don’t think it is a good idea to mess about with your medication, without your doctor’s say so, please get advice on that. I’m afraid I can’ t help with your other problem though as I haven’t experienced that.

    Debbie – great that you have been feeling good, hold on to that, and don’t let the wobblys get you down. I haven’t felt too good today, but we have just been to town and had lunch out. I felt a bit weird and kept wanting home but I managed and nothing bad has happened because of it. I have learned from doing the London trip that it is the FEAR of doing something that is actually worse that doing it. Decide what you want to do and just do it – my motto in London became -‘ Don’t think, do’

    Mark R – great that you are going to try to do some work, just try to keep your mind on that and if you get unpleasant thoughts or feelings just gently bring your mind back to what you are doing. Your plans aren’t ruined, just postponed a bit. Don’t be sick of your life Mark, try to embrace it, even the bad days.
    I am not recovered by any means and I still get frustrated because I want to be, but I am getting the idea of acceptance. It’s not really a case of telling yourself to do or not do something, but more a feeling of being ‘one’
    with whatever feelings crop up. To me it’s a bit like being in a room with someone who is watching a tv programme I don’t want to watch. If I can’t be bothered to leave the room I have to learn to live with the programme. Hope that makes sense.

  824. Debbie Says:

    Thanks Jo you are so right, I’m afraid I went out the back door went round the block on my bike back in the front door! I will try next tues I’m going to make myself go out every day, I think my confidence has gone, so need to get out a bit more, friends have been coming to me so I need to go to them get back out there!

  825. Jo Says:

    Debbie, you are getting out, that is a huge step, well done. I think that loss of confidence is what anxiety does to you. I feel like my body and mind is in lock down, and I don’t know how to unlock it and start living again. But whilst we are getting out we are at least getting some kind of life, however odd it feels.x

  826. Debbie Says:

    Jo, do you feel totally zapped of energy? When I had those two good days it was fantastic to feel interested in things, my house had a very unloved feeling but I fiddled around cleaned, watered my plants etc it was great to look at it afterwards and FEEL pleased and I even thought I love my home! The last two days it’s back to sitting on the settee thinking, planning what I’m going to do tomorrow knowing I won’t do any of it, do you do this? x

  827. nikole Says:

    hi Rachaeldm
    I can totally relate with your feelings of frustration. I can assure you that it will get better. Your body is being pumped full of different hormones and youre about to have a life change. I bet everyone that has been pregnant has these thoughts and feelings. The big difference is when you suffer anxiety these thoughts stick and seem to become reality. You willget through it. Shat helped me sometimes is just allowing myself to feel like junk, instead of fighting it. Or talking out your thoughts with a friend orfamily member helps tons because when u verbally share these thoughts they seem less powerful. in our head, when these thoughts are running wild, its hard to control tyem. Takecare …. you will be ok, it will pass

  828. Jo Says:

    Debbie, I do that yes. In fact that is where I am now, on the settee. I have been here since after lunch, feeling a bit sick and dizzy, and very tired. It seems if I have a good day I have to have a bad one to follow it. I am still at the stage where my home feels a bit ‘alien’ to me. Don’t know if you have felt that. I just don’t feel at ease with everything yet. x

  829. Debbie Says:

    Yeah I suppose that is a good way of seeing it as alien, it’s funny how we sit on the settee knowing its not a good thing to do but still do it, I seem to be moving less and less having put on weight with anti depressants doesn’t help, when I do anything slightly active I get puffed out quite quickly, I admire people who suffer like we do but start walking or jogging I just can’t do it, I want to, I think if I had someone to do it with it would help, but my friends work so haven’t anybody, I wonder sometimes what it takes to get you going, if anyone knows then please share this! So even though i know it would help, doesn’t cost anything, not medication and even does the dog good I can’t do it! So frustrating! x

  830. Mark R Says:

    Hi jo, ive literally had one of the worst days ever. I’m finding hard to accept these feelings when I’m full of adrenalin, my eyes can’t focus, full of dp, get waves of panic and keep worrying that this is me again for another two years. I feel so bad it’s breaking my heart. I can’t be on my own at the moment as it scares the hell out of me.

  831. Jo Says:

    Debbie – you have been out on your bike, that’s something. Just don’t try to do too much at once. A little at a time. When I was recovering from depression and hadn’t been out of the house for months, I started very small. A walk to the gate, then a few yards up the street. then a bit further. oh yes it took a very long time till I got to town again, especially as my muscles had lost all strength due to inactivity. Just don’t expect too much of yourself too soon. You can do it.x
    Mark R – I do know how you feel, honestly. Again it was when I was in depression, I couldn’t be alone either, so don’t think it is just you. I was terrified of being alone and my husband had to give up his work to be with me 24/7. I am still afraid of being alone, but it is the fear of it again – not the actual being alone, because nothing terrible does happen to you. Mark I was so scared of even leaving the room I was in, but I didn’t even know why really, except that I felt if I left that one room I would cease to exist.Crazy, irrational. anxiety driven thoughts! As for the adrenalin, when I was bad with that some weeks ago, I paced about the room shaking my arms and legs to get rid of the adrenalin. My husband even got me boxing with him. It is very hard when you feel so wretched and weak, but it DID help to calm me. Hang in, you’ll be ok. x

  832. elaine Says:

    hi , i have not been on here for ages i am getting on with my life nd feel 90% better. when i have a setback it only lasts a day or two now . so keep living with anxiety beside you and you will get better xxxx

  833. Matt Says:

    Ok, this really sucks. I think i’ve gotten sick, three hours ago I have been feeling nauseous and weak and cold all over. Uggg!! And I have finals tomorrow in school. I’m not freaking out about it, trying to stay out of the “what ifs”. This blows, that’s all I can say.

  834. Monica Says:

    For the ladies – Do you find that your anxiety can be a little bit more strong preceding and during your period, lol? happens for me! I guess it’s kinda nice knowing something physical is actually causing it lol and it will go away after a week.

    Matt- :( that sucks! Do u mind if I ask what you’re studying? I hope you do well on your finals xx

  835. Jo Says:

    Hi Elaine, glad you are feeling so much better, hope it continues.
    Matt, sorry to hear that, and good luck for tomorrow.
    Monica, I’m afraid i can’t help with that, I’ve not been there for many years :)
    Not feeling too good myself this morning, had a restless night and woke up feeling really anxious and sick. oh well it will pass. Going to try and get one or two little jobs done and take the dog a walk. x

  836. Teresa Says:

    Monica – yes hormones do play a part in anxiety and can make it peak. I used to have certain days that would make me very emotional at certain times of the month. I am in my early 50’s now and feel these great sways in emotion too, like everything its not easy but needs accepting for what it is.
    Elaine great to hear you’re doing so well.
    We all take such encouragement from succes stories. Perhaps while Paul is on his travels we could start encouraging people to share thier success stories on the blog. What we’ve done and succeeded at, and people that are nearer recovery can tell us how they are doing too.
    It will help us all, the ones just coming on here and the ones still here that have improved but can do with a nudge.
    We can also share our worries too – but perhaps with some success stories and times when we feel we have moved foward that will help our worries.
    So ….

  837. lorryt Says:

    Hi there
    I have just come back onto the blog and landed on Jo’s post back in 22nd March, quite apt for my situation at the mo . My husband is suffering big style from anxiety and other mental health issues, but unfortuinately it is proving very difficult for me to cope with him. It took him a long time to admit he ahd depression and when he did go to the Gp it didnt stop there, there were other serious issues regards his mental health. which have since died down but his anxiety levels are ridiculous, and over the past 3 years he hasnt coped well to the point that he may now lose yet another job ( about job number 7). he is becoming unemployable. It is putting pressure on me to do everything, which i do as i have young family, but despite him returning to the Dr’s and being told it takes time, it feels like I am dying inside. I struggle with this and feel it heightens my stress levels and anxiety levels. It sounds really selfish of me to be saying all these things but it has been going on for too long now and we never seem to get anywhere with the local mental health team. Its a viscious circle, and I am so tired of going round and round its getting me down. I keep reassuring him that things will get better but I am a very different person than I was when i was ill, far more less understanding (shouldnt be like that I know and want to get on and live my life). I have come a long way since i was originally on here and seeking support, although I still get days when i am anxious from time to time. i am rambling , but i feel so helpless, frustrated, angry that it all appears to be going round in circles, and he cant break it. I want to ask him to leave, i know it wont help him but i need some space to get my head round it all.

  838. Helen Says:

    Hi Mark R,
    I have been following your posts for a few days now so I could get a real sense of how you are feeling and to see what is driving your setback at the moment. From what I am hearing in your posts, there is quite a lot of self pity going on which is understandable from your experiences but this will do you no good. You are currently not living in the present, you are living in the past and the future. You are thinking back to the terrible episodes you have had and then how your plans for the future are ruined. You must stop this, looking backwards and forwards is the way to keep anxiety and not truly recover, you are constantly looking over your shoulder or peeping over the wall if that makes sense. I know this because I, like you, had 3 terrible episodes in my life and I know the feeling of dread, the self pity and the hopelessness you feel when you think it is coming back and this is the way to surrender to anxiety.
    The answer is simple and I am not patronizing. You must live for today. Today may be good, bad or indifferent but it is how you are feeling today. You do not know how you are going to feel tomorrow, next week or in a year but you can most definately influence it with fear. The plans you have made for the future, stick to them but don’t try and feel tomorrows feelings today, don’t try to anticipate what you are going to feel. Just know that however you feel, you will carry on regardless. Don’t be frightened of it anymore. Life is good but anxiety is not allowing you to feel it at the moment and being upset now because you don’t think you could face another year feeling this way will drag you deep, deep down.
    To truly recover from anxiety, you must embrace it fully. Feel your feelings and carry on, don’t anticipate your feelings, just know that however you feel, you will cope and make a promise to yourself that you will not hide away from it. Stand firm and take one day at a time.
    True recovery is there and you will find it and there will be a time when you look back at the terrible times you have had and you will be happy that you had them as you will be a stronger, happier person for the experience.

    All the best

  839. MarkR Says:

    Hi Helen,

    Thankyou for your post, its very kind of you to repsond in detail.

    I have to say today I am having a much better day, I think the reason is that I have an agenda (I am at work). On days like today its almost possible to see the summit but on days like yesterday I felt so bogged down with thoughts, feelings that it cripples me.

    I didn’t think you are being patronising at all so don’t worry, sometimes a kick up the arse is needed.

    Your words that I am driving my setback by fear of the future and feelings of the past have been echoed by almost everyone, including my therapist. Its as if it doesnt sink in.

    What I find the hardest is that I felt I was almost there from the last terrible episode but then got struck with an awful setback. Its as if I am constantly looking for reassurance that it is a setback and not another period of illness. I am sure you picked this up from my posts. As you said this is a habit I need to break to move forward as this is giving me more anxiety.

    Can I ask if you are recovered?


  840. Jo Says:

    I’m sorry Lorryt but I don’t see how my post is apt to your situation. My husband cared for me 24/7 and he certainly didn’t want me to leave. I can understand your frustration at getting nowhere, and wanting your life back, but surely he wants his life too. It is no more his fault that he is ill than it was yours. It must be very difficult for you with a young family, but is there no one else who could help out occasionally? If your husband has been working with serious mental health issues and is still working with extreme anxiety then I would say he has been trying very hard to cope.
    I’m sorry I can’t be of any help on this as I am not sure what it is you are looking for. Hope someone else can be of more assistance.

  841. Doreen Says:

    Hi Helen – I know you wrote the above for Mark but I am taking heart from your sensible advice too. I have had a pretty good week and felt last night that I had reached the end of the journey. But I have a very painful knee which kept waking me up and I feel today like I did when anxiety kept me awake. So into the ‘what ifs’ instead of taking today as being how it is. The sun is shining, I feel rather wobbly but I am going to take a deep breath and get on

  842. Mark R Says:

    Hi Helen,

    Thankyou for your post, its very kind of you to repsond in detail.

    I have to say today I am having a much better day, I think the reason is that I have an agenda (I am at work). On days like today its almost possible to see the summit but on days like yesterday I felt so bogged down with thoughts, feelings that it cripples me.

    I didn’t think you are being patronising at all so don’t worry, sometimes a kick up the arse is needed.

    Your words that I am driving my setback by fear of the future and feelings of the past have been echoed by almost everyone, including my therapist. Its as if it doesnt sink in.

    What I find the hardest is that I felt I was almost there from the last terrible episode but then got struck with an awful setback. Its as if I am constantly looking for reassurance that it is a setback and not another period of illness. I am sure you picked this up from my posts. As you said this is a habit I need to break to move forward as this is giving me more anxiety.

    Can I ask if you are recovered?


  843. Helen Says:

    Hi Mark,
    Yes, I am fully recovered and have been for a long time now. I understand completely about looking for reassurance as this is something I also did but you need to truly get to a point where you think “well, if it happened again, I would cope”. That is the truth of it Mark, no matter what happens in life, you cope but it is how you cope with it that makes a difference. With anxiety, you can cope with it in one of two ways. Firstly, you can try and think your way out of it, try and make sense out of it which you can’t and this is the sole reason that anxiety stays and sufferers have very long episodes. Secondly, you can accept that you have anxiety and know that you are going to suffer for a bit but just get on with the stuff of life, this is when episodes become smaller and smaller. If you accept anxiety in this way you allow old habits to fall away and it gradually goes completely, you don’t realise it at the time but your brain retrains and you get a complete shift in your attitude towards anxiety. Setbacks are a good opportunity for you to choose one of the two ways to cope with anxiety and pretty soon you will automatically choose number two without even thinking.
    If you look at anxiety in the right way you do nothing but learn from it.
    Always choose the right way to live with anxiety and you won’t live with it permanently. Accept it, don’t fight what is happening and above all else carry on living your life as you would want to. I know you will be absolutely fine.

    All the best Mark

  844. Debbie Says:

    I’ve just read Helen’s posts they give me hope I shall recover, what u say us so right but is so hard to do!
    I’ve just been to the hospital for my appointment, what a waste of time, it’s always the same the doctors so busy typing away what I’m saying he never actually looks at me, even when I cried he just carried on, the answer was double your tablets oh and your next appointment in Aug will be with a new doctor….again!
    But I came away thinking well perhaps I’m not so bad as I think and that’s why they don’t bother, I got on my bike and went to the shop as planned, I’m not going to let them make me feel worse with their lack of care.
    I wanted to know if anybody else has noticed that when they eat chocolate and junk foods they feel worse?
    Last fri and sat I felt great the best in 8 months, sat evening, Sunday and Monday I had chocolate and crisps oh and a chinese takeaway, Sunday I started noticing the heavy head, dodgy tummy etc and today shaky and the whole detached feelings, Ive noticed this before after having a naughty few days scoffing! So I just wondered if anyone else had had the same.

  845. lorryt Says:

    Hi Jo

    Sorry it all sounded a bit selfish, you are very strong to be able to cope and your husband looking after you was very brave. I just wish I felt that way and could cope and not let it bother me. But I guess I had spent a l ong time recovering and getting a life for myself I see him and wish he would read Pauls book and get support, but he’s so caught up in his own head its impossible. His family live 250 miles away and really arent interested, and he has no friends, so really its down to me and the kids!, but when you have the same situation arising time and time again and its never dealt with, just ‘change the medication’, it becomes ridiculous. I know he didnt want to become ill, but when this type of thing happens, you dont realise how you would cope with it, when you are supporting the other person. I always thought I would be fine, but I’m not .
    At times like these it makes me realise how my recovery has changed me as a person. Its almost like I have become too hardened to others and too caught up in my own life.
    Thankyou for your support Jo, what you are saying is relevant, and sorry to sound ungrateful , I guess just having all these things happening around me, i just needed to let off and get my feelings out.

  846. Mark R Says:

    Hi Helen,

    That’s a great reply thank you. It’s not so much for me that I try and make sense of it its more that I don’t cope with it when it’s in full force when I have a terrible day. Today has been ok and it’s been hovering in the background but I have worked well. It’s like I can see the end but when I’m down in despair I’m convinced it will last forever and there’s no point to life at all.

    When you say it will leave you completely you mean no setbacks? Surely you will have another in your lifetime? X

  847. Jo Says:

    LorryT. I am not strong at all really, I am struggling with this like all of us. My husband did what he had to do at the time and I like to think I would do the same. I understand perfectly that you have become frustrated with the medical profession. We did too.I think they have so little understanding of mental health problems, they don’t really know how to treat it. I am sorry for your situation and for making you feel selfish, that wasn’t my intention. It must be very hard for you. I really hope you can get some support from somewhere, because it would be very sad for your family to be split up over this. Take care. x

  848. Jo Says:

    Debbie, chocolate and cheese, two of the worst foods you can have with anxiety. If you google ‘foods against anxiety’ or something similar you will get a list of foods to avoid. I have tried to cut out as many as I can. It’s not easy but I do think it helps. x

  849. Teresa Says:

    Helen’s posts must be a boost to us all – and what Mark said about someone verbally kicking arse sometimes can be a good thing, i have found that too. Thank you Helen – I ALWAYS find it inspiring when I read your posts and you helped me no end on many occasions – I am moving foward but like us all slip and lose sight. I know currently my anxiety is still focused on a back injury that is healing nicely but still leaves me with some pain – with the anxiety it remains all day, without it it is more than tolerable! I have realised that now is the time to accept i am sufficiently physiaclly healed to start introducing more into my life – not easy but it is important and does make a difference. so I have introduced more things into my life and accepting I have anxiety and recovery of an injusry at the moment – but like you said it won’t always be that way. I know in the past you said you had anxiety for many years like myself, when you moved foward was it a conscious move and did you have to just be firm with yourself regards the way you viewed things or did it come naturally. I know that when my attitude changes so does my life – but i find my attitude is affected by my emotions. Do we need to be firm with our emotions?
    Lorryt – it must be very hard for you and to be honest you just sound ‘battle weary’ to me. I often feel its hard for the family – but there is not much choice for either of you, he did not choose his lot and neither did you. All you can do is look for support – and if you find it here, that’s good. I hope things improve for you all soon.
    Well done Debbie – that sounds a good attitude to me !

  850. Michelle Z Says:

    I am having a very rough day, guys. For some reason, I am so shaky today and things look funny. I thought my blood sugar dropped this morning, but it didn’t matter if I ate or not, I still felt odd and extremely shaky. I know I made it worse. In fact, at one point, I panicked. It’s kind of funny to look back at that now. I have found myself so focused on how I’m feeling today. I almost left work to go home a couple of times and I never do that. But I have stuck it out and am glad about that. My hands always shake. Have for years. But this felt different. My anxiety doesn’t generally feel this bad. It really felt like an all day blood sugar drop. Has anyone experienced this?

  851. Teresa Says:

    I cannot help you with the particular symptom – but the fact that you have experienced it before shows you it is nothing to worry about. Well done on seeing the day through as it will confirm to your mind that nothing bad happened, even though you felt bad, you coped, and that will give you strength.

  852. Sophia Says:

    Great posts from reassuring..!

  853. ginger797 Says:

    i loved hearing your words it touched me,it sounded just like ive been feeling…i would love to hear you story of your journey of recovery…your truely an inspiration..i would love to hear more:)

  854. Matt Says:

    Helen has it going on, I remember being completely recovered for six months and was feeling great. I am almost to that point again, I’d say about 90% recovered right now. I don’t know, I don’t like to put a percentage on it, because the more you forget about it and move on, the less impact it has on you. Just lately, being sick has really sucked because I’ve been stuck in bed with nothing to do. I want to get out, but I hate this right now. Running a fever, throwing up, etc. It’s kinda messing with me a little bit because I feel so weak physically right now and just want to feel better. Anyways, I like all the positive posts i’ve been seeing on here lately and hope they keep coming!

  855. Bret Walters Says:

    Hey Matt!

    Me and you are both about in the same boat. A lot of your posts have helped me over the past few months as I’ve always felt like our situation was very similar :) I wanted to let you know that I recently was very sick with an ear infection and it had me dizzy and BLAH. Made me tired, pukey etc. I FELT TERRIBLE. And one of the main symptoms of inner ear infection is anxiety. And I will admit, mine was pretty high. But it all passed and now I’m back to where I was before the sickness! So no worries. Ride it out my man! I read a good book (or tried) and brainstormed some ideas for work. (Im a 3d artist/motion designer) and try to find ANYTHING funny or interesting on tv to get yourself to smile.


  856. candy d Says:

    Michelle m i think posted something about when not full asleep she hears voices different accents n so what, i had this it is normal we really are asleep but not in the deep stage sleep yet and since we r so hyperaware at the moment fom anxiety we notice this more than a person who is no nerved by anxiety. I still get this but it dont bother me as much anymore i just go with it n fall asleep. Also had the same thing about stayin alone with my kids n that is just another anxiety symthom all they are r thoughts nothing more normal thoughts actually for the state that we r in. The guilt of those thoughts is what feds anxiety. What helped me alot is just living plan n simple. Going about my day loving my kids giving them hugs n kisses just being myself with all those thoughts on the side eventually thy fade. I still have anxiety but not as bad as i did a couple of years ago. Hope that helped, hugs….candy d

  857. Teresa Says:

    Great to see everyone inspired by Helen – and yes I agree ginger, if Helen has more time it would be good to hear her story as it is an inspiration to us all.
    Matt – completely sympathise with the confusion of physical health problems and anxiety as it is hard to separate the two, I find more so when I am coming out of them as my anxiety tends to hang on to the original prob and ‘worry’ me. However, really good post from Brett which should give you good support.
    Brett – you an artist – me too, but only 2d so you have one more than me LOL.

  858. Debbie Says:

    Feeling awful today so fed up with it, tired of trying to be positive, just want to sleep forever so I don’t have to face it anymore….. I know I know wallowing in self pity is not good!

  859. Jo Says:

    Debbie, I think that sometimes we need to ‘rest’ from all the trying to be positive. You wouldn’t expect someone with a broken leg to walk around on it all day, or someone with flu to get up and go to a dance or something, would you? Positive thinking is all very well if you can manage it, but there are certain stages of this condition that make it very difficult to do. I’m not saying that you should wallow in self pity, but you just have to be kind to yourself too. Not everyone is a tower of strength.
    At the begining of my depression I couldn’t have even seen the words on Paul’s book, let alone have read and understood it. It was just not possible. I think some people with anxiety are at that stage too.By all means do as much normal living as you can, but don’t feel a failure if you can’t keep it up 24/7. x

  860. Helen Says:

    Hi Debbie,
    You are getting this wrong. The whole point is that you shouldn’t be trying to be positive. There is nothing wrong with feeling negative and fed up. What you have to do is accept that this is how you feel today and no matter how hard it is to do, you drag yourself up and get on with your day. Don’t overthink it, you are not feeling good today but that is it, it is one day. Don’t prolong it by falling into the trap of “i will always feel like this” or “why won’t it just go away”.
    By trying to feel positive, the opposite happens as you are waiting for it and like the old saying goes ‘a watched pot never boils’.
    It is right to feel sad, it is right to feel negative, it is right to be in a bad mood sometimes, you are human but when you have anxiety you try to push these feelings away as they are much more tiring than for someone who doesn’t have anxiety.
    The crux of recovering from anxiety is that you allow all the feelings and thoughts to come at you but you don’t stop living in the process. By doing this, recovery is a natural process and isn’t forced. Doing it this way means there are no false recoveries (like I have had in the past).
    Stick with it and be kind to yourself, allow yourself to feel awful today but get up and get going no matter how hard it is.

    All the best

  861. Michelle m Says:

    Candy. thanks very much for.your reply. it reall does help believe me.

    Michelle xx

  862. Mark R Says:

    Hi Debbie and Helen,

    I am also having a terrible day. I felt so positive yesterday and went to bed really relaxed. I’m soldiering on though and being strong. I am at work, finding it really hard but I’m remembering how u felt yesterday. I’ve say in my car and cried for half an hour on my lunch break. It’s making me feel awful but I’ve got to let it x

  863. Monica Says:

    Hey guys, doing good lately. However, today I’m home alone and it’s making me pretty anxious. I’m never really home alone so when I am I get so scared and my mind goes crazy thinking about all the things that could happen. Thing is, I’ll be home alone for the next 5 hours eep. Does anyone else fear being alone? Thanks

  864. Jo Says:

    Hi Monica. Yes I do, but I don’t know why really. it’s not as though anything is different other than being alone. It was my biggest worry about the London trip, returning on my own (ok I know the train was full of people) and being at home on my own for two days. I just tried to keep myself distracted by being on the computer, having the tv on (or both) and then having a friend visit in the evening. Oh and I did have the dog and cat to sort out :)

  865. James jones Says:

    Strange coincidence jo as I had the same problem last night. Started when the wife went to the gym and left me home alone. Started the usual deep thinking about depression etc and couldn’t shift the anxiety and feelin of depression afterwards. Woke up this morning and in a set back because of it. Bad times. Interested in bretts comment on the ear infection causing anxiety as mine first started when I itched my right ear with a key and touched a nerve which gave me a full blown panick attack. After 6 months my anxiety etc went away on its own only to come back 2 years later when i sneezed while full of cold and my left ear went bang. First I panicked that I’d done something to it which led into full blown anxiety. That was 13 years ago. still somehow can’t shift the obsessions and anxiety about my ear and have been messing with it and had anxiety in it every day since so was wandering if maybe if this is linked to your info on the ear and was wandering where you read this info. Also wandering if anyone has had emdr therapy for anxiety and if it works as I’ve been told it is good.

  866. Monica Says:

    James Jones – Yes, I love EMDR. I don’t know the science behind it, but even if it’s just a placebo effect, I’ll take it, lol.

    Thanks Jo. I was anxious thinking about being left alone so when it actually happened I think I had just worked myself up to it ya know..self fulfilling prophecy kinda thing. Had kind of a mini panic attack :(
    At least I can say this has been the only bad day I’ve had for weeks and there was a tangible trigger. Oh well, bad hour, life goes on, lol! Thanks (:

  867. Matt Says:

    Hey guys, feeling much better today. Think the sickness is almost completely gone, still feel a little weak and dizzy, but not like it was for the past two days, thank god. Thanks for the post brett. I remember reading some of yours before too as well as they helped me when I was suffering.

    Anxiety can cause ringing in ears, as I had that for awhile a couple of years ago, and occasionally get it now. Like paul said once, he had it too, but completely recovered from it once he recovered from anxiety. I think sometimes the last thing to go for some of us is physical symptoms with anxiety. Anxiety affects us in different ways, if we all had the same symptoms and thoughts due to anxiety then it would be much easier to cure, in my opinion. But since we don’t, a lot of us think we are different and is this turning into something worse? Those questions and deep thoughts can keep us in the vicious cycle. If my fear was of going crazy and someone else’s was of hurting their kids, those are two different symptoms that are due to the same problem. You can’t treat the symptoms, treat the actual underlying problem, anxiety. Anyways, thanks for the positive posts guys, they really helped and I really feel grateful to be able to have the support from here, and will continue to support others as well.

  868. Matt Says:

    On a side note, when I took my finals sick, in one of my classes, which is a social work class, you have to pretend you are the patient and clinician for ten minutes each with one of the other classmates. When I was done the teacher and students said that out of everyone in the class I would be best suited to be in this line of field because of my performance. It made me feel good, but, lol, I am changing my major….again!! It was originally nursing and I am trying to get accepted into a program in october. It’s not that I don’t like social work, it’s just that the money isn’t there and I have two kids to support.

    Also, not being in school right now and changing jobs, because this last one didn’t work out at all, not because of me but because of management and the fact that they lied about how much I would be getting paid. So now I am without a job and hope to get an interview soon, we’ll see what happens I guess. I just don’t like being stuck at home with nothing to do, so I am gonna go out and hang with friends and try to keep myself occupied til I can get a job somewhere. Oh, and the being alone at home by yourself, I struggled with that a few months ago but if you look at it realistically, what is there to be afraid of? Anxiety plays mind tricks at every opportunity it gets, and this is another one of it’s tricks. See it for that and accept that nothing bad will happen. That’s what helped me. Hope everyone is doing well!

  869. Mark R Says:

    Hi everyone,

    Just a bad day to be had all round. I felt so positive and relaxed yesterday and everything just seems easy when you feel like that, shopping, cooking, work, being around friends etc. I seem to have 1 bad day and then 1 good day. When I feel like this I feel like Im gonna be like this forever and I hate it and its so hard. Its like I meet one disappointment after another…..I had a hard day at work and had to take myself off lunch time to cry in my car and I couldnt even enjoy football this evening either. I dont know what to do with myself when i feel like this, its like youre boxed in if that makes sense.

    Maybe I’m bordering on self pity but its only a few weeks ago I was going to work, smiling, whistling, going on dates etc. Seems a lifetime away now.

  870. Monica Says:

    Hmm, I did have a horrible ear infection a few years ago that caused my ear drum to pop! Maybe there is a connection, lol…who knows…

  871. Debbie Says:

    James or Monica, I’m being a thicky I know but what is EMDR?
    Helen and Jo thanks for your posts they helped me to get back on track.
    Even tho I felt awful and really struggled today, I went round my daughters for lunch, came home and took the dog out, cut out two patterns for my soft toy mice and got them stuffed then went to Morrisons and onto my other daughters for the evening, so I have definately gone about my day! it would’ve been easy to flop on the sofa ruminating, but I’m glad I got on with things it wasn’t easy but I did it!

  872. Matt Says:

    Mark R….Be grateful that you’re having a good day then a bad one. A lot of people don’t have any good days for weeks or months, so that’s something to be gracious about. For months I had no good days, just bad one’s and felt like giving up, did I? No, I said to hell with all this nonsense and moved on with my life. It sounds like you have a life live to live already with work and everything else, you have to get to the point of not caring through understanding. That’s what happened for me, once I understood what was happening to me, I stopped caring about the anxiety, weird thoughts, etc. I know it’s hard right now and it does feel like it will be like this forever because I was in that same state of mind. But it does go away, and when you finally recover you will have more blessings in your life then if you didn’t have it. I remember I recovered at one time and completely forgot about anxiety for months, one day I thought about it and was like, man I can’t believe I went through that, I completely forgot what it felt like, literally. I was back to normal for awhile, then it came back again last year due to certain circumstances going on in my life. I also had opportunities to go on dates in the midst of high anxiety and canceled them. I felt like I wouldn’t be a good date and that my anxiety would get too high to even enjoy it, and god forbid if we had to have sex! But that was what I was thinking at the time, now, since I haven’t been with a woman in over a year, I am pursuing a relationship because I don’t care about anxiety and I don’t care how I appear. It will get better, I can promise you that. But when you’re stuck in that frame of mind, it’s extremely difficult to see the forest from the trees. But you will get there, like the countless others that have as well.

  873. Sandeep Says:

    Guys – as a side note, I would really tell you to read several of the old posts also on this site. I mean the blogs where people have written in the past on Paul’s old posts. There is some amazing advice from Scarlet, Candie and others that is really well framed, much like Helen’s.

  874. Doreen Says:

    Hi Debbie – EMDR is Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. If you look it up on google it gives lots of links.
    Glad to read the positive, helpful posts – feels like a group that really care about each other even though we have never met. I had a very good day yesterday after having a bit of a rough one the day before. Went to Birmingham (from Leeds where we live) in order to take our grandson out for tea from his ballet school where he has been for nearly 2 weeks. Husband was working in Birmingham, hence the journey so I had to fill in a number of hours. So had booked a massage, but don’t know the city so had to find the place. Then had my hair done followed by lunch. We met up mid afternoon and that was my only somewhat anxious time, when I worried that he would not find me. Had a drive round to find somewhere to go for tea and then met grandson at 6pm. It was lovely to see him, spend time with him and look round his fabulous school. He seems very happy there albeit homesick in the evenings. The point of all this ramble is to reinforce the message that taking one day at a time is for me the best way. Otherwise I get locked into feeling aches for the good times and trying to force them rather than just letting them come naturally.

  875. Josh Says:

    Dear All

    Isn’t anxiety all about understanding, facing & floating with our fears & coming out of the other side?

    I think its very simple..have read lots of complication which people go through..ultimately just pass through it and come out from other side…

    Setbacks, wierd thoughts, irrational feelings, palpitations, depressions..all manifestations of one problem ..ANXIETY…Remedy is common..face your fears and come out of the problem…

  876. Debbie Says:

    Doreen… wow what a lovely day you had brilliant! you did all those things and to finish off meeting up with your grandson and seeing his ballet school, fantastic! I bet it’s nice as you can picture in your mind where he is now.
    Josh… Your post above is very true but makes it sound so easy if only it was, but when I read it it made me think yeah that’s what it is all about so, I’m going to write it down then when I’m wallowing I shall read it and hopefully it may help like it just did so thank you for reminding us x

  877. Josh Says:


    Yes, i guess thats what we need to start doing for everyone on the forum. Just encourage everyone to face their may have tough days/ weeks.. face it…face it….

  878. Mark R Says:

    Hi Matt,
    People keep pointing this out to me that it’s totally different from my severe previous episodes as back then, the most recent being two years ago I had no good days for months and months. I have to agree (well when I’m being rational) but the feelings are just the same.
    I do have a good life to live and over the past two years I’ve worked really hard to make it like that and most of that was during severe anxiety. I am carrying on as normal. I’m going to work, football, pub, friends’ houses etc but I’m not enjoying any of it, all I feel like doing is bursting into tears. When I’ve got better in the past I have got to the point of not caring and just started enjoying life again, unfortunately I’m not at that point at the moment. I wish I was, but I do take on board what you say.
    For me anxiety always seems to come back for me when I make a change in my life, I changed jobs in March and then started a part time business. All of this was positive stuff though, not stressful. I think the difference in now and in the past is that I had a lot of negative stuff going on. I don’t have that now.
    When all this happened a few weeks back I was in pieces, I really was and in the midst of extreme high anxiety I thought of the obvious way out, fortunately I didn’t do it as the thought of suffering for another two years was the final straw. My friends have said that as I am an anxiety sufferer I will go through ‘bumps’ of this for my whole life. I’m trying to see it like this, I know its transient but I’m suffering quite badly at the moment.

  879. Jo Says:

    Doreen and Debbie- you have both done really well.It’s not easy to face our fears and get on with life as though they aren’t there. For those struggling I am going to say this, even though some probably won’t agree or like it.
    I am convinced that there are those of us who have the serotonin chemical imbalance, that makes life difficult. If your brain cells are not talking to each other it seems logical to me that you will feel weird, unreal and full of fear and anxiety, and strange thoughts.. Believe me I know, I’ve been there. So, if you are finding acceptance difficult, don’t despair. It doesn’t mean you are weak and just can’t do it. It could be your serotonin is low, and that would make it a lot harder to cope. Serotonin is sometimes absorbed back into the body too quickly instead of staying in the brain. It rises naturally through the day which is why mornings are harder than later on. It is helped by sunshine and exercise. But don’t panic! This is just a possible explanation! I believe I have this imbalance and that’s why I get anxious bouts. When I was seriously ill with it I needed antidepressants but now I’m handling it without.
    All I’m trying to say is that if you feel better in summer than winter, then serotonin imbalance could be the reason.

  880. Debbie Says:

    Jo, when I saw the doctor at the hospital wednesday I was crying and said to him why am I like this is it a chemical in balance? He just looked at me and said um, I felt like shaking him and saying tell me what is causing this it’s ruining my life and all you can say is bloody um!!
    I think there’s something in it, then I think well after my last blip I was fine that was for 4 years so if it was an inbalance I would’ve had it then, so I don’t know.
    Suppose I will have to do lots of exercise and move to a sunny country cos there’s no blooming sun here and just see if I feel better!
    I’ve just done my weekly clean round the church that was enough exercise an hour cleaning and I’m sweating and exhausted, so unfit!

  881. Jo Says:

    Debbie , it’s a shame that more doctors aren’t like mine was (he’s retired now), he had studied depression for 30 or more years. I don’t think it matters how long you have been well, imbalance can strike at any time, and it can creep up on you. You only need about half an hour morning and afternoon in strong sunlight,for it to help. It doesn’t happen overnight of course, it takes a while. I’m not saying that you or anyone else suffers this, but if you feel better in the afternoon and evening, like I do, it might be worth persevering with a different doctor.
    Anyway, you are going in the right direction, from the sound of your posts. x

  882. Debbie Says:

    Jo, isn’t the only treatment for a chemical imbalance anti depressants? I’m already on those unfortunately.
    Yes definately better as the day goes on and feeling quite normal (u know what I mean by normal) by the time I go to bed, that’s why I like staying up to make the most of it.
    I got very annoyed when I had CBT as I would say I wake up feeling awful, it would wake me up very early, but they said it was the way I was thinking, I get the whole changing the way u think, so did this mean I was thinking I was going to feel bad when I was asleep which is why I woke feeling awful? If so u can’t do anything about it, getting anxious about getting on a bus or queuing in the bank, yes u can change ur thoughts so I do understand that, but being told I lay in bed telling myself I’m going to have a bad day when I don’t was very frustrating.
    Some mornings I wake up I get up THEN think oh I feel good today great, or if I have a heavy head, jelly legs and shaky innards I know I’m not feeling good, why its any different from the day before that was good god knows, so perhaps a chemical imbalance does make sense……I hope I’ve made sense! x

  883. Jo Says:

    Debbie, yes the accepted treatment for chemical imbalance is antidepressants I believe. But there are other thoughts on more natural remedies. I have read up a bit about it, but I am no expert. Please don’t think about leaving off your tablets, especially without your doctors advice. When I was on them it took at least 6 weeks before they even started to work and many months before I began to feel normal again.
    I believe that chemical imbalance and anxiety go hand in hand, but I also believe that Paul’s way is the correct one, if you are able to follow it.
    My mornings are always the worst time which is why I believed my doctors explanation. I think you have to do whatever feels right for you. x

  884. Matt Says:

    Jo and Debbie….I will have to disagree. I don’t believe anxiety is a chemical imbalance. It’s our fears and worries that keep us in that state. Now, an anti-depressant can help us for some people, but people that have a chemical imbalance, like bipolar, doesn’t go away, it’s permanent. I first got anxiety with too much stress going on in my life three years ago, because I worried myself to death about what was going on with me I stayed in that cycle. I then became depressed because of the actual anxiety/DP, not because of an imbalance. Chemical imbalance and anxiety are two very different things.

    Chemical imbalance’s are for people that are bipolar, schizophrenic, etc. Anxiety is just a habit of thought, that’s all it is. Anxiety is not a problem that has to be remedied with medications at all, but again, for some it helps. Anyways thought I’d put my two cents in.

  885. Debbie Says:

    Jo, I will look it up, no I wouldn’t come off my tablets I’ve been on them for five years but recently had them changed, it doesn’t help I’ve hit the old menopause so that’s playing havoc with my hormones. Isn’t it typical when u have a good doctor they retire or leave, I believe like you that Paul’s way is the way to go but I find it very hard coping with the symptoms and find I couldn’t do some normal things like work as the more I tried the worse I got so I don’t understand how people can, I wish I could I found I was getting suicidal thoughts and was so confused I didn’t feel I could be responsible with money etc, so I just don’t get it when people say carry on however bad you feel? x

  886. Jo Says:

    Sorry Matt, but chemical imbalance that involves serotonin (the feel good chemical) causes depression.(I’m sure there are many kinds of chemical imbalance). I know that from having an excellent doctor who had suffered it himself and made it his specialist subject. I can’t say for sure that it is linked to anxiety, I only know how it affects me. Fears and worries stem from somewhere, and as I said earlier it seems logical to me that if your brain cells can’t ‘talk’ to one another because of the lack of serotonin, which is a neurotransmitter, then it could be the reason.
    I don’t want to cause an argument over this, people must believe what they want.
    Debbie, don’t beat yourself up about not working. I couldn’t work being like this either. And I certainly couldn’t drive, I just wouldn’t feel safe.

  887. Doreen Says:

    Maybe we need to start putting our comments on the ‘new blog’ stream started by Paul today. Anyway my thoughts on chemical balance etc. I think that when someone has been anxious to the degree that some of us are, then chemical changes take place. Hence the rapid heart beat, sweating, wobbly legs etc. And if tablets can help restore some balance then it can give people the lift and space they need to work in the way that Paul advocates. I would never had said this some years back but even if all the tablets do is help with sleep then for me they are worth trying. I don’t think they are the entire answer but I think the analogy with broken leg and plaster cast to help support whilst leg recovering is a good one. I certainly don’t think it helpful to be evangelist about taking no drugs.

  888. Matt Says:

    I don’t totally disagree, people that have suffered with depression, even general depression for awhile can have a chemical imbalance. But I believe with just anxiety sufferer’s, it isn’t an imbalance so much as it is a bad habit. Again, people with imbalances can develop anxiety for sure, but if you are a pure anxiety sufferer, then for me at least, you will go on to develop depression due to your state. Yes, pills can help make you feel better for the short-term, but anxiety itself is the most treatable and curable disorder there is, and I hate using the word disorder, lol.

    With my anxiety, I was the one creating the imbalance in my life. Whenever I had the physical symptoms or weird thoughts it was my reaction to it that kept me in that cycle. It was only through understanding and practice of paul’s techniques that I am able to get myself out of that state. I had it for over three years, so I became used to that feeling and everything that comes with it, but it wasn’t until “I” made the decision to change my attitude towards it and realize there isn’t anything to be scared of, that my body and mind started to recover. I’m not arguing with anyone over the matter, but anxiety is certainly curable and sufferer’s don’t have to live in that state forever. You hold that key in your back pocket, when we are ready to recover, we’ll pull it out.

  889. Mark R Says:

    Jo, Debbie. Please dont believe the propaganda regarding depression. For years the medical profession and drug companies have led us believe that a chemical imbalance causes depression. Recent research now shows the chemical imbalance is the consequence of it not the cause. I suffered major clinical depression in 2005 and recovered without anti depressants. The fact that doctors hand these out like sweets disgusts me. It is a crude way of dealing with it and statistics show they are effective in 50 per cent of patients. Anything is capable of altering our brain chemistry, from watching a sad movie to even eating an apple. I’ve been down this road in the past and it’s disempowering, if you want to recover without meds you can.

  890. DCYL Says:

    WOW – I jumped back into this thread a bit and see the last few posts. I was going to post that Aubrey Huff spoke about his condition in the local paper today. It was mentioned that he is seeing someone and getting some meds.

    Well – I posted a comment and said that Huff should be able to get well without meds but to each of his own. As far as the the last few discussion posts, I would suggest that folks stop talking about some items that could be considered negative.

  891. Doreen Says:

    And I suggest that people stop being so adamant about the choices other people make regarding the use of drugs for anxiety/depression. I do not wish to be made to feel I have failed in some way because I have chosen to take drugs which i use to assist me at this time, not cure me. I know very well that the the majority of the work towards being anxiety free is mine but if something helps me feel more able to get on with life as if I didn’t have anxiety then that is a choice I have made.

  892. Jo Says:

    I’m sorry if my posts have offended anyone. I was just saying what I believe to be true. I too have suffered serious and severe depression and I needed anti depressants at that time to save my life. I am sure that without them I would not be here now.No amount of positive thinking would have saved me because I was unable to think. I would never advise anyone to not take medication if it has been prescribed for them. I just choose not to take them now because I am afraid of the side effects. Depression and anxiety are very similar in a way and it depends on the seriousness of the condition as to what treatment is needed. In my opinion serotonin imbalance is just as likely to be a cause as not, and if voicing an opinion is a big problem on here then I will withdraw and not post again. Wishing you all a speedy, and permanent recovery.

  893. Doreen Says:

    Hi Jo – as I am sure you are aware, your posts have not offended me – quite the contrary and I would really miss your contributions. I will say no more about the chemical imbalance theory as maybe the strength of feeling it has evoked needs to die down and we move on from it. Hope you can stay on board

  894. Mark R Says:


    Please dont be offended in what me or Matt said, that wasnt the intention. We all look out for each other on here and do a good job of it.

    When I said you dont need meds I meant it in a positive way, if you have them and they work then great but I just didnt want you to feel at the mercy of your brain chemistry to get better.

  895. Debbie Says:

    Oh dear, Jo I look forward to your posts so don’t disappear. Nobody is offended and everyone’s entitled to their opinions, what helps one person may not help another, so as said before u have to do what suits u, It’s interesting to read what people think about things that’s the whole point isn’t it?
    We all need some sunshine, it’s been a bit gloomy lately!
    Things could be worse I had a very vivid dream last night that I was marrying Simon Cowell! Perhaps it was more of a nightmare actually!

  896. Matt Says:

    About the meds thing….I took meds for a few months and they helped me out greatly, so I believe if you need to take them to get back on your feet then do so, I am neither for or against them at all, I took them in my worst state and they helped. I would never put anyone down for taking them at all, I mean if it eases the suffering and get’s you back to living life then why not take them for a little while? We suffer through enough already with anxiety, so I hope I didn’t offend anyone.

  897. angela Says:

    sorry pressed the wrong button …. so anyone who can relate to this feeling of complete dread dont the mornings would help.. it gets better throughout the day? i am constantly goign on at my husband what for i just dont no? i am a bit insecure aswell and i never used to be.. i have horrible thoughts run through my head i no they arnt real but even so they arnt nice.. my head hurts there is so much stuff im thinking about.. can anyone else relate this..
    oh and the meds thing. ive used them and not used them. and i have been on them for two year (first time ive ever took them) and they havnt done a thing for me.. i still have anxiety not as bad but only cus ive read pauls book.. :)

  898. DCYL Says:

    Jo and All – I don’t think anyone was offended. It was a rather “intense” discussion and I think everyone has their own experience and opinions. I have a friend that went through a lot and took meds. I’ve NEVER been in any of the situations you guys have gone through.

    I’ll admit that I am a little scared of taking meds. Even when I went through some sleep issues, I went the “natural” route. I was tempted to take some sleep meds / etc but decided against it.

    But regardless of this, I am glad everyone is posting and expressing themselves.

  899. Jo Says:

    Thank you all for your support. I am going over to the May blog now, it is easier than trying to keep up with two. x

  900. Nicky Says:

    Hi all,
    This is my second post. I have been feeling pretty good lately I must admit. I’ve been working on a regular basis, which has been great.just a question. Today I was at work and I was introduced to a person who was autistic. I then felt a rush of panic and thought oh my god what if he started of with anxiety and it lead to this. It’s such a stupid thought. Then I felt like i was going to start acting like this just an off shoot of anxiety? It’s really freaking me out.

  901. lorryt Says:

    Hi Jo

    You didnt make me feel slefish at all, its how I feel. I guess when I am like this and start typing it all comes out!. I feel very tired of it all and dont know how to help. It does make difference knowing others are out there and understand, and I do appreciate your posts, please dont get me wrong. It was never anything that was said by yourself, it just all gets a b it much from time to time. xx thankyou xx

  902. Tfox44 Says:

    Hi Everyone. I’ve been following this site for awhile but haven’t posted anything but one time last year. Paul, first off I want to say I really love your site. It brings such a feeling of calm and peace and mostly hope. I’ve tried so many other things, like Linden Method and other websites and it all boils down to what you are saying yet the way you say things makes it so clear and understandable. Do you have Jodies email or Tarmos? If they give you permission can you share it? I had anxiety as a child which eventually left me I just specifically remember always thinking back to it as “the worst time of my life” I never really knew what was going on with me but I just knew I hated it. My mom had taken me to a therapist who told me I had OCD but I was too young to understand. Anyways, anxiety came in bouts and there were periods of time I was so anxious and fearful and now I know it to be DEPERSONALIZED which was always this thing that haunted me whenever an anxious period occured. I hate it to say the least. Terrified was an understatement. I met my husband and my anxiety was gone pretty much, it was not something I cared about or was concerned about I was just focused on living happily with my husband actually being able to feel joy and I never wanted to look back- until I was forced to a year ago. I was under some stress, because i’ve always been a worrier but it turned into a nightmare. A nightmare that I thought was over for good and never to return, it came back. Its the most terrifying thing in this world to me. Depersonalization, that is. I can deal with you know being shaky… but when this thing called anxiety starts messing with the mind- its something that i find completely frustrating and beyond words terryfying. There were so many days, like each of you, that i didnt recognize myself in the mirror, i questioned life, i questioned the human body, i questioned the world and existance. I got to a point where I had no idea who I was. No idea. My husband didnt know where his wife went and although I knew things changed I felt like I dont even know that old joyful person anymore. I dont remember that joyful life or how I even lived it. This feels like a new me that I didnt know before and that other happy person is a stranger. But, I am keeping hope. I am going to get over this. And all of you are too. I have ups and downs but i’ve made up my mind that this is going to be a thing of the past. Somedays I woke up and didnt want to even live if I couldnt feel the way I once did. There were other times I woke up and thought about death and existence all day and hardly smiled. I could literally cry every second of the day and I usually did when noone was looking. I spent almost every second on google trying to figure out a way out of this hell. I am starting to understand NOW that its truly a process and although at times I am so tired and detached from reality , i know it will happen and I look forward to that day. Because I know how much more I will appreciate life. When I recovered in the past, noone ever knew why I was so compassionate and happy and it was because I lived thru hell like I am living now. But I know this time around, now that I know all about anxiety (because Lord knows i’ve been studying it every second of every day) I know it will go and it will stay gone and my feelings and happiness and true self will come through. Depersonalization is the absolute worst. I wouldnt wish it on anyone and I feel for all of you who are experiencing this and I pray God blesses you all on your journey to recovery and afterwards. My question is this – Do any of you get flashbacks of random memories? These are so intense that I feel I am in the memory, I feel like I did when I experienced those times-even if I was a young child, it totally scares me. I feel because this is not a “common” symptom that you hear about too often that I am going to get dementia. I feel like I am in a dream world, I dont know or remember what reality feels like or being happy (truly) anymore – BUT i know it WILL come and I know i will appreciate life to the fullest. My hands are usually numb too where I cant pick anything up or have much coordination in my hands/arms and legs. Its tough for me to walk, my balance and eye sight is horrible. So to top of the depersonalization, i get flashbacks and my vision is horrible. im scared of all the things we all fear. I am so greatful to God that I have all of you, and that you Paul made this site. I too, hope that I can help ppl someday because being hurt is the worst- I just want to enjoy this lovely world even though nothing seems lovely in my vision right now. Everything is terrifing but I know this isnt the end, its only the beginning. Please hold on tight everyone. I know sometimes it seems very dark but THERE IS A LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL. Have faith and try to relax and remember recovery is going to be an amazing thing.

  903. tfox44 Says:

    By the way Jerry…. I am so happy that everyone was safe in the fire and that anxeity played no part in being an xtra burden. God bless

  904. Carlie Says:

    Hey guys, I’m feeling kinda weird. It started last night after I exercised, I just felt kinda foggy… which I don’t really deal with as much anymore. For me, it’s mostly just feeling strange or not feeling like myself at this point. But then today I’ve felt really tired and sorta foggy, just kinda out of it I guess. Like there’s a pane of glass between me and the rest of the world or something. I’m trying not to let it scare me, but I keep thinking “What if this is permanent and I’m stuck this way forever?” It’s like I never learn… right now I just feel REALLY tired and almost dizzy. I could just be getting sick or something, but my mind is taking the anxiety thing and running with it. I think this is similar to how I felt several months ago, and I can’t figure out why it suddenly hit again out of nowhere.

  905. Jeff Says:

    I know no one is probably checking this anymore but I would like to respond to Nicky’s post. Autism is congenital. It is not soemthing one acquires. I work with individuals who have autism and I assure you that their day to day experience is often fraught with anxiety, but it is of a different sort than that from which we suffer. Their realities are individualized due to difficulties in sensory processing. Autism allows for shared perceptual experience, but the filters are slightly off. So in the sense that we all experience perception slightly differently due to cultural and experiential factors, the difference tends to be more pronounced in individuals who have autism due to organic factors. When an individual with autism feels that the world is a strange and scary place, it is generally because of conflicting signals creating dissonance in message and meaning in the moment and an inability to reconcile the conflict. You can see where that would be frightening. Anxiety as we know it is not congenital and it is not hijacking our sense of perception in the fundamental way that autism tends to. Pane of glass over the eyes? Yes. Living in a bubble? Yes. Inability to tolerate certain stimuli? Yes. Inability to differentiate emotional states from facial features? No. Autism is a spectrum, which allows for varying degrees of severity, and while it often does entail anxiety for those individuals born with it, it is because the world, to them, is by and large not the same world we experience due to sensory issues.

  906. Beatrice Says:

    Hi Rick I can relate to you. My Anxiety is religous Based but i noticed its gone beyond that where I think God will punish me for every thing, even fun things I used to do. Im a newbie to this thing called anxiety. I had my first panick attack april 27th 2012 and since then my thoughts are out of control. I think my core problem is that i fear God so much because before the anxiety i would always block any bad thought about him because i felt so bad that i thought something like that. I mean my head would get a tight band around my head all the time never realising i was stressing myself so much to the point of anxiety. I am so thankful to God that i found paul and this website its been really tough and i just started this journey, i really have respect for paul and everyone who has won this battle. The Symptoms dont bother me since ive been to this website and practicing what paul has said and its helped before i was making the symtoms worse because i i cared

  907. Beatrice Says:

    Im waiting for pauls book. Coming in the mail. My problem right now is not caring for the thoughts, they have such a big impact that i fight them. Im practicing letting them come and linger around until i dont care but thats really hard but i wont give up. Today was a bad day for me the thoughts got to me alot and symptoms got bad and felt very down but i love coming here and reading everyone stories and comments it comforts me. Tommroww will be another day! Thanks to paul for this site you are helping save lives and thats amazing. GOD BLESS!

  908. Lucy Says:

    Hey everyone,

    What a journey we are all going through huh? If it wasn’t for Paul and his website, I have no idea where I would be now. I came across the site on a day when I had convinced myself 100% that I was developing schizophrenia; waiting to hallucinate/crack. It was horrible. I was just wondering if anyone else who has been through anxiety/depersonalisation etc has had it trigger off Existential thoughts?

    My anxiety seemed to be building for a few months after my return from living overseas. I was lying watching TV and suddenly “realised” that “nothing matters. life is random. we evolved from apes. the world is so terrifyingly large, not to mention the universe..” and then any thoughts/mention of space/universe/evolution would make me feel like I was giddy and unbearably light, about to go flying off the face of the earth..

    I was just wondering if anyone else has been through this? I feel I am past the depersonalisation (i’m not sure if i had it but basically I had no adrenaline and felt like i was floating through my life) but those thoughts still pop up in my mind each day (and yes, i too am constantly focused inwardly. tiring isn’t it?)

    I appreciate any feedback. I know the way to get over the thoughts is through mindfulness and not minding them, but it makes me worry i’ll become depressed if every day i’m reminding myself that ‘it’s all random. so why bother?” etc


  909. Nic Says:

    Hi everyone,

    I have trouble with obsessive thoughts about existential things (having worked through every other fear that has presented itself). I basically freak out about the very fact that I exist. I could deal with this better if I believed that death was the absolute end but I also have a fear of reincarnation and afterlife. I guess because I don’t want my suffering to continue indefinitely. I used to find peace in the belief that one day this would HAVE to end. Is this just anxiety? I’m so scared and confused. Please post or answer my question.

  910. Nic Says:

    I just wanted to add something, I see on here a lot questions about people who are stuck on certain thoughts, and as you can see I am still suffering with this myself, for that reason I wanted to share all the obsessive and frightening thoughts I have had so that people can recognise and see how anxiety attaches itself to these different thoughts, I look back at some of them now and can’t believe they ever bothered me but at the time they were terrifying and very real for me

    – fear that I would stop breathing
    – fear of eating food incase it made me anxious
    – fear of driving on the motorway
    – fear of sitting in back of car with no doors
    – fear of loved ones
    – fear of prescribed medications
    – fear of death
    – fear of life
    – fear of hurting loved ones
    – fear of going mad and developing psychosis

    As you can see the list is long and could be added to, my point is that anxiety underlies every one of these thoughts, and these things would not bother a non anxiety sufferer! I just wanted to share so that people know they are not alone, whatever scary thought you are struggling with at the moment – I’ve probably had it 😉

  911. tfox44 Says:

    Hi guys. I hope you are all doing well. As far as existential thoughts go altho, I believe in God – it still terrified me, I am constantly thinking of the body and how it works. I sometimes also get thoughts like “what the heck is all of this!” I think of the brain and how scientists believe “we are our brain”, before all of this…I could of sworn I HAD. Brain that I was in control of. I look at people and think of how they have a brain. Its so tiring. Sometimes I feel I’m loosing the plot of everything. How id love tto be happy again. I feel trapped in this body because I was to “feel” happy and like I’m in realiity but just can’t. U know what guys, its just anxiety… all of these ppl pretty much go thru the same things – altho sometimes it can come in different forms. The good news is it can be fixed, just hang in there. I used to love life, be okay with it, believe in Jesus and go to church…death did not scare me….now I think logically about everything. But this is just an internal defense mechanism. We gotta to not be so terrfied, yup I know better said then done. Just focus on the moment and ignore your thoughts. When our mind is healthy we can ponder on the thoughts that create wonder and joy in ppl – yet terrify us. The thing is, is we are in control we just think worrying will solve ir make us feel better, it won’t. Remember fea

  912. tfox44 Says:

    I have flashbacks of my childhood and dreams where I feel like I’m in the flashbacks and not in reality. Just remember fear is a dead end, with faith there is always hope of the future. Just hang in there as tuff as it seems. There are days I want to end it all but I remember how happy I was at some point in my life. I look forward to that again. Love u all xox

  913. Beatrice Says:

    Hi everyone,
    I’m currently struggling with past memories of bad things I did when i was really young and keep feeling guilty. I know im putting to much importance on it but it’s kind of hard not to feel bad. It’s like when that surge of adrenaline comes with the thoughts it makes me feel like im back in time. My husband is so supportive and ive talked to him about these memories. I keep telling myself the past is the past and let it go and God has forgiven me but i know the anxiety is playing its trick on me so i guess i have to practice not to caring about them which is hard but not going to give up. Has anyone else struggled with this too?

  914. Jason Says:

    Ive been dealing with Gad and Panic severe for the past year and a half, also it was brought to my attention that I might have ocd because at a lot of time of the day I have this feeling that I have to do something or I fear this certain sensation will come on sometimes when I do something it still there and sometimes it goes away do I deal with it the same way as anxiety.

  915. Nic Says:

    Hi Beatrice. Yes I have struggled with the same thing in the past and the overwhelming guilt that came with it. The thing is, you are not the same person you were when you were young, if you feel guilt about something you did in the past it’s because you wouldn’t do the same thing now, hence you are no longer that person. Would you feel guilty for someone else’s mistakes? No you wouldn’t – well that’s what you were – somebody else. I hope this makes sense. You have a good heart, that’s why you feel the guilt. Forgive yourself and move forward. Everybody has done regrettable things, I have done loads. The fact you feel guilt makes you one of the good guys, but it’s time to let it go now. Hope this helps. Xx

  916. tfox44 Says:

    Hi Beatrice, anxiety suxks and I’ve got sucked into the past where I feel like I’m reliving it. Just remember, ppl make mistakes noones perfect on the face of the earth. The best thing is that you learned from your past. Just wondering if you guys have obsessive thoughts about the body and how it works? I used to feel at peace like I had a spirit now I feel I’m just a bunch of organs working together. Also, when u say memories are they like flashbacks? We’re going to over this xx

  917. Nic Says:

    Hey tfox44
    I just wanted to thank you for the following sentence you wrote above-
    Just focus on the moment and ignore your thoughts. When our mind is healthy we can ponder on the thoughts that create wonder and joy in ppl – yet terrify us.
    This helped me through today, and reinforced something I was thinking yesterday regarding changing an emotion linked to a thought. How you would do this I have no idea!
    In reply to your question, I get freaked out by the idea that I HAVE a spirit, as when I die I want that to be the end, I get my comfort from the idea that I am just my brain, as at least one day I know I’ll have peace when it dies.
    I’m not sure what you mean by flashback? Could you explain further? Also could you explain further about your obsessive thought about the body and how it works? Xx

  918. tfox44 Says:

    By flashbacks I mean I actually feel like I relive past memories that pop up – even from my childhood and as far as obsession about the body I always think dumb things like that ppl have brains under the top of their head and I think of my. Brain all the time. You know how this anxiety can get and I think you don’t want a spirit cuz your scared of suffering but this suffering won’t last always – trust me. You will be just fine….its a process and sometimes painfully long but life is beautifull and we will see that someday. Use claire weekes method accept-float-let time pass. Don’t or try not to feel sorry for yourself. And by float it means this…when you swim it takes effort, when u float it takes nothing u just need to do this even when thoughts pop in your head. If u follow that u will succeed xx

  919. tfox44 Says:

    Wanted to add,o both dr weekes and Paul have the same stragedies to overcome anxiety (the only reall ones) I love Pauls teachings I just like those 3 simple words to remember when imm panicing/obsessing xx

  920. Nic Says:

    Nah don’t feel sorry for myself. This last episode I’ve been through has been the worst yet, but this time I really implemented Pauls teachings and will continue to do so. Patience for me has been the hardest thing to learn. I’ve just bought Claire’s book so look forward to that arriving. Also been reading about ACT which also uses the same ideas. Yes all these strange thoughts are just anxiety, mine has grabbed hold of many things to obsess over over time. The important thing to remember is that it is just anxiety and we can beat it xx

  921. tfox44 Says:

    I just bought claires book too but read about her approach and have been practicing it like I said its basically what Paul teaches, I bought Pauls book twice cuz my comp. Crashed the first time. I sometimes feel bad for myself because I used to love life so much. I try so hard not to pity myself, I think of ppl out there will terminal illnesses and how strong they are and sometimes I feel so bad that I’m suffering with this. But its so hard, every single day I just want to be happy yet my mind obsessess over the unknown, over lifes wonders, I have these stupid flashbacks, I’m constantly analyzing myself, I never feel “right” or feel down. Life has become a struggle so bad. But I am GREATFUL its something that can be overcome. I just wish I didn’t waste my life worrying about the unknown or dying or the body or getting old I just want to live right now. SOMEDAY WE WILL BE ABLE TO. We got to learn how to treat the underlying anxiety and forget the symptoms instead of trying to treat the symptoms nad not the problem – that’s the ley.. someone said to me that ppl with anxiety are ppl with huge imaginations, they gave an example that when we watch a scary movie we feel scared cuz we imagine it happening…yet if we went up to the screen we are touching fake ppl who aren’t really theree and are actors to top it all off. So basically we feel fear but there’s really nothing to fear so we IMagine Things to become afraid of. Don’t that make perfect sense?it has helped me bunches to think of it like that and it really is the truth. Ourur fear is felt but there’s no real danger so it projects onto any and everything and keeps symptoms alive. Hope that helps xx

  922. Nicola Says:

    What you have to do is accept the anxiety is there and for the time being live your life alongside it and pay it no further respect. If this anxiety has taught me anything it is to live my life in the moment, in fact it has more or less forced me to do that and for that I am grateful, because when you really look at it that is all you truly have, when one looks to the future or obsesses over thoughts, you’re not in the now, you’re not experiencing your life as it is. It’s like picking a film to watch and then whilst it’s on looking through the paper for the next one to watch, you never experience what is. People with anxiety are always intelligent and creative types, I think that needs to be channeled into healthy mental activity. I am thinking of taking up some study. My life is a real struggle too at the moment. You are not alone

  923. Nicola Says:

    In this. Really do try to accept that this is just you for the time being, you may feel ghastly for a while but at the same time you will learn what really matters to you in life, anxiety has forced me to rock bottom and made me see myself properly for the first time, in times where I give up all hope I begin to really see what lights my heart and what is important to me. I’m 29 now and only just beginning to learn who I am.

  924. Nicola Says:

    Oh yes.. When you are in an anxious state it will fix itself onto whatever is nearby, this makes perfect sense it you think about it, if your body and mind are saying RUN, DANGER, then your instinct will automatically assume the threat is close. I’ve had times when I have gotten into an anxious state and because my partner and baby are the only ones in the room my mind assumes they are the threat. It’s when you know why you are afraid of physical things/ people that it begins to internalise in my experience. Like the anxiety says ‘ok, she knows there’s no threat outside of herself, so where can I come out now, oh yes, in her thoughts…..’

  925. tfox44 Says:

    Hi Nicola, yes with that last post you’re right on. Because there is no physical danger, our imaginations make danger so to speak. Have you ever had flashbacks of previous tiemes in your life? Just at random? Also….have you ever been scared of yourself, like your own body? I hate asking dumb questions I know its anxiety but its that reassurance that feels good. I hate feeling like a completely different person and I too was scared of my husband…he just started d looking so strange and scary. Ugh. I look forward to being at peace once and for all, it becomes much at times but Blessingsi seriously feel like I’m totally out of my mindand I want to escape from my body too at times it feels lik. Blessings xx we”ll get thru just like others have…. :)

  926. tfox44 Says:

    Thas anyone ever felt just like frozen…and you just feel so off like you could lose your mind any second. :( I hate it. Today I just felt like my mind was not keeping up with what I was doing, I felt scared and just couldn’t relax and I feel like the world is a foreign place sometimes I feel like I don’t kno whereor who I am, can u guys relate? :(

  927. tfox44 Says:

    Guys one more question…do you ever feellike confused? Like don’t remember who you are or when you gotto the age you’re at? Or what u did 2 seconds ago or whatword you want to say, it really frightens me. Iim greatful anxiety can be overcome, I just need reassurance today. Thnx.

  928. Nicola Says:

    Hi tfox44.
    When I was 7 months pregnant I became so afraid of my loved ones I had to be admitted to a psychiatric ward as I became suicidal, I didn’t know what was going on with me. I was in there for 6 weeks and was still afraid when I came out, but whilst I was in there I learned what was going on with me from books. The only body oriented fears I went through were a fear of stopping breathing, a fear of my pregnancy bump, I would have a panic attack just wanting to ‘get it off of me’ and a fear of my brain, I had a panic attack once because I felt I wanted to take my brain out of my head and because I couldn’t I freaked. I’ve had brief panic about the brain since but I have to nip it in the bud quickly, knowing it is the source of my suffering it could become a fixation if I let it. As for flashbacks. I have memories and can remember them almost as if I were there, I am able to feel emotions and sensations I experienced all over again when thinking of past incidences, particularly those that induced anxiety in me. Xx

  929. Nicola Says:

    The world feeling like a foreign place – totally relate, I’ve had it loads lately, the world feels absolutely terrifying at times, and I feel totally out of place. I also have PND and apparently a personality disorder so everyday is extremely difficult. I haven’t wanted to get out of bed for 2 weeks. Sleeping excessively. Xx

  930. tfox44 Says:

    Nicola, I understand 100% everything that you said. This is so hard cuz it really ^&*%$ with your sanity. The mind is the worst. I battled with it too. I felt it wasn’t a part of me and it was messing up my life. Try to look at it as its something that can be delt with. I am so tired of wwatching myself and the WORD anxiety. It makes me sick to my stomach when I think of what’s happening. I’m ready for this to be over. Try as hard as u can to stay positive, accept its anxiety and just float thru it and not fight it. I’m here for you. And I feel your pain :( God bless

  931. Nicola Says:

    Hello tfox,
    I have been through 9 days of the most intense anxiety yet and I did exactly that…floated through it, no fighting, no resisting and I’m finally coming out of it, I have had many of these episodic down periods and if you fight they get worse and worse every time. My brain finally got bored of the thoughts, it felt as if it finally realised they were futile. I honestly thought this time insanity would come, like how much more fear and terror can by brain take before it snaps, but that insanity never comes. It never does. I left my mind to do whatever it needed to do and I’ll keep doing that until this goes away. It CANNOT get any worse and I’m still sane and I’m still here. It takes enormous strength I know. Make sure you get plenty of rest and do feel guilty about it, anxiety drains you, none of this is your fault. Xx

  932. Nicola Says:

    Lol… Don’t feel guilty about it sorry.

  933. Nicola Says:

    The Happiness Trap is a book about ACT. Exactly what Paul teaches, you may find it helpful for easing through your toughest times. It has a lot about defusing thoughts.

  934. Nicola Says:

    Sorry to post again people but I just wanted to sat that I think the thing to remember is, when we have these thoughts, it isn’t the subject of our thoughts that is the problem, it is the emotion that we have attached to those thoughts. In all these cases it is fear that we have attached to our thoughts and it is THIS that we are scared of. Cliche but it is true that the only thing we fear is fear itself and it is this that needs to be dealt with. Xx

  935. tfox44 Says:

    You’re absolutely right Nicola. How are u doing? Man, I hate being scared. I’m so terrified of loosing my mind. Out of the blue, I sit and suddenly feel like QP yrs in the past and feel like I did at that time, when I was a little girl. This absolutely terrifies me and I don’t hear many ppl say it. We gotta stay positive. I almost lost my husband , the best thing that ever happened to me, cuz of this. I used to be so happy. But as a child I was anxious and had bad periods. I guess our bodies were not made to worry. But when your STUCK its so hard to get a grip on it. I get so angry that there’s a possibility I could go mad, without MY permission…. this is control issues I suppose. I also think why am I trying so hard to get better when I will just die someday. I am so tired of this, I thought many times I hit rock bottom but I think I am finally at rock bottom. But every level was different. Anxiety and fear needs to go back to the pits of HELL where they belong. I cannot wait DNicola, untilwe ALL can look back on this as something of the past. And live in peace. It WILL HAPPEN. IT WILL. Xx

  936. tfox44 Says:

    And also, Nicola, you are def right. You got it down pat, now its all about calming ourself down and truly understanding, which is a bit difficult for me. But I am here for you and we will do this together.

  937. tfox44 Says:

    Sorry to post again, just wondering if you ever really think hard about life and who you are, do u feel like u don’t know? Or if u look around at your house it seems unfamiliar and u feel disoriented. I’m terrified I’m going to loose it and not recognize my husband or something. Lord, pls make it go away. I’m sorry if I’m coming off negative I usually am positive and I know this is ALL anxiety, sometimes we all need a little reassurance. I don’t want to sound like hopeless ppl in some forumns, that is not me as I know there is hope, I got thru this in my past just hate that it returned as an adult. Xx

  938. Nicola Says:

    Hi tfox44,
    Yes I had the DP last night, it was horrific, everything felt weird, wrong and unfamiliar, I felt VERY detached from reality to the point where I didn’t know what my reality was anymore. Sometimes I get scared cos I think surely this cannot just be anxiety – I wish Paul would pitch in here with some reassurance! Xx

  939. tfox44 Says:

    Hi. Nicola -Paul is on a retreat for a few months and most of the ppl on the blog have moved on. I understand, I feel this is far worse than anxiety and that if I created this monster, it will never go away. The way I feel is undescribable and horryfing. I’m terrified of myself, to even say that petroffies me. What type of sane person says that? I’m scared of my own body and existence. Just horrifying. But you know what ppl overcome this and someday we will look back and maybe be greatful of this experience. I know when I overcame anxiety as a child my days never felt so bright – even during hard times when ppl around me were down – I was cheering them up. Ppl with anxiety are so creative and deep ppl, we are the kindest ppl in the world. The world needs us and we have a purpose, once we get out of our own way. I hate to say it but our imaginations are causing all of this, its just the sensations that are crippling and thoughts. Did you know that we can “get over” anxiety in a minute, literally (the brain stuff that I don’t want to get into) but ecause we “sp good” at anxiety we”re locked in. We gotta accept, float , let time pass – do not worry bout the past or future, and find something that we love or can develop a love for

  940. tfox44 Says:

    Sry for the errors, I type from my phone. Xx keep intouch and try to stay positive. I made the HUGEEEEEEEEEEE mistake of getting so technical with anxiety and digging so deep into it when I should of followed simple rules and could of overcame – but I didn’t trust and kept digging and u bet I found myself in the deepest whole of my life, more scared then ever. Honestly and forumns are the worst – ppl who r anxious who have no clue what they’re talking about scare the living crap out of u. Before long a snow ball turns and spins until its the size of an iceburg. I have learned my lesson. Google is my enemy and I rather know LITTLE then know as much as I do because I became a confused mess within a year. I’m totally over this anxiety crap and I’m fed up.

  941. Nicola Says:

    I know exactly what you mean about being scared of your own existence, this is EXACTLY what anxiety has done to me. I have a partner and a baby and I’m so exhausted with the depression and anxiety that I can’t even function enough to do anything. Can’t look after my own child most of the time, her nan has to do it cos I’m so tired I’m asleep 3/4 of the time. Plus sleep is the only place I get any peace. My boyfriend looks so down now because of me and the pit I’ve sunk into. I fought for a year and a half to keep my head above water and now I’ve just given up. Thank you for your positive words. I look forward to your replies. I am sorry that at this moment I cannot be more positive. Just continuing to ride it all out without fighting. Only now has it become apparent how truly exhausted I am. I was put on medication recently which has only made me worse. Are you on anything? I’m on Escitalopram 10mg. Been on Citalopram and sertraline too with no benefits xx

  942. tfox44 Says:

    I’m not on meds and I don’t plan on going on them. I feel they make things worse however I’ve heard ppl say they do work after awhile, but then just be careful about becoming dependent. I don’t want to end up in a cycle where I’m addicted. I, too am tired of fighting but the thing is, this anxiety and depression IS NOT THAT SERIOUS *WE* are making it this way. I’ve heard so many accounts where once ppl recover they say “what the hell was I so scared of” and don’t take my response to meds the wrong way – because I’ve heard of them helping its just a matter of, WE are the only ones who can TRULY *FIX* it but meds can assist in that. Try chamomile tea. And try to eat healthy. Isn’t it nuts thhat all anxious ppl think the same? We literally look for things to be scared of. I CONSTANTLY TELL MYSELF THERE IS *NOTHING* TO BE SCARED OF. Nicola, I KNOW how tired u are but don’t allow yourself to sleep too much. Its not good. Set a schedule where u force yourself to get up early so you’re tired early and go to sleep sort of early. Force yourself to go out at least once a day. Don’t get yourself into the habbit of sleeping. The thing is, there’s nothing wrong our own thoughts are really screwing with us. Its simple as changing our outlook that ccan heal us, but give it time. Also eat fruits and vegis. Just be patient too, as if you’re waiting for a cold or flu to leave. Don’t over do it and be out all day, little steps. You are stronger than u think. Being “bewildered” and being FEARFUL of what’s going on is why we are in this cycle. We must break this cycle. We have the SAME BODIES AND FUNCTIONS OF ALL THESE HAPPY PPL OUT THERE ITS OUR THOUGHTS THAT ARE MESSING US UP. REMEMBER ACCEPT,FLOAT,AND WAIT. WE CAN DO IT. SAY OUTLOUD *I AM STRONG* *I WILL BE THE MOTHER AND WOMAN MY CHILD AND PARTNER NEED* *I AM CAPABLE OF BEING OK JUST AS EVERYONE ELS EINN THE WORLD* *I HAVE THE POWER WITHIN MYSELF TO OVERCOME AND I WILL* ALSO REMEMBER HOW RIDICULOUS THIS IS, AND HOW WE MAKE EVERYTHING TENFOLD WITH OUR IMAGINATIONS WHICH SPIRAL OUR SENSATIONS. SAY OVER AND OVER _THERE IS NOOOTHHINGGG TO BE SCARED OF AND THE WORLD IS A HAPPY AND SAFE PLACE, MY BODY IS JUST EQUIPT TO PROTECT ME! KEEP YOUR CHIN UP DOLL. AND GET OUT THE BED! LITTLE BY LITTLE GO FOR A WALK. TRY AND SMILE. YOU’LL MAKE IT. TRUST ME. IF U CAN HAVE ONE GOOD MOMENT U CAN HAVE A GOOD EVERY SECOND. JUST IGNORE YOURSELF. I’VE BEEN THRU SO MANY HORRIBLE DOWNS ITS LIKE WHATEVER , SORT OF LIKE WATCHING THE SAME SCARY MOVIE OVER AND OVER AGAIN…GETS TIRING. STILL SCARED AT TIMES BUT I’M READY FOR LIFE. ITS POSSIBLE TO BE AT PEACE LIKE OTHER PPL IN THE WORLD. WE ARE BUILT LIKE ALLLLL THE PPL WE ARE JELOUS OF WHO ARE LAUGHING AND JOYFUL, ITS NOT OUR BODIES OR BRAINS ITS WHAT WE R PUTTING IN IT. XX

  943. Nicola Says:

    Hi tfox44,
    I have decided today to start adding some new activities in my life and socialise more. I went out today on these live well walks they do around the area, I am also raising money for charity so it gives my activity some meaning. It was really nice, I got a bit worried about having a panic attack whilst I was out and did get a bit anxious but it’s not going to stop me. I feel good now. I think a lot of this anxiety is down to boredom and too much thinking time. How are you doing? I have decided to just concentrate on being a good mother and partner as you suggested in your post above. I think that is my purpose in life at the moment. How are you doing? Xx

  944. tfox44 Says:

    Hi Nicola! I am SO happy to know that you are doing thing slittle by little. I KNOW it is not easy but it gets easier. I believe it is boredom and overthinking too. This all started when I started working from home (I now lost my job) you know I truly believe we were made to enjoy life, it seems our minds focus on things to try to sabotage our life, and try to find things out that are not our place to know…we r to just enjoy the ride. I don’t like to talk about “religion” cuz I know all ppl do not believe the same, two – sometimes it makes ppl more nervous but at one point I was strong in my faith…I am Christian and that was the happiest most peaceful time in my life., I too go out thank God! It is tuff at times as I feel this fear and everything look stranges but I keep on trucking. I long for peace of. Mind so badly. I miss the old me. It really gets me down when I think about what’s going on. My mind clings to anything to be scared of, from myself, to existence to just life and the world. And I feel so unreal but u know what OH WELL. THIS AIN’T TAKING MY ENTIRE LIFE, I’m going to keep going our life is NOT MEANT TO BE LIKE THIS, u continue to be the loving and kind mother and partner and bless the lives of those who love you because u are loved. Its OK to have anxiety and it will be gone. We’ll work on it together :)

  945. Nicola Says:

    Hi tfox,

    How are things going for you? I had a good day today, went to the seaside and then did lots of work in my mums garden which I enjoy. Then BAM – in the car on the way home anxiety attack, gosh I really thought I’d lost my mind, I couldn’t reason with the anxiety cos at that moment I really didn’t know what was real and what wasn’t, it was like I temporarily tipped into madness. I’ve always been able to reason with it before. Psychiatrist wants me to go onto Venlafaxine but I’m scared cos the Escitalopram made me 10 times worse. It’s terrible I don’t know what I should do for the best. I hope you are don’t better. I am considering private counselling instead of drugs as I always feel much better after I’ve talked it all through with someone. Also I feel I have a lot of issues that need to be dealt with before I can move forward. I feel this should all be worked through rather than patched up with medication but I don’t trust my own judgement anymore. Much love xx

  946. tfox44 Says:

    Hey there friend, well look at it this way…. you are not crazy? Always remember that altho it feels terrifying, nothing happens. Each time. I KNOW how scary sensations can be. I battle all the time but I get so tired of even thinking o fit now. I would say don’t focus too much on meds as a quick “fix” because only u can tell your brain you’re no longer scared. It will happen, just the patience part that sucks. Try to go to they offer counseling over the phone but its a hundred dollars for an hour but they actually went thru debiliating anxiety. Its (sorry my phone) – also, go to these three websites (including this one) have helped me immensely. HOWEVER pauls is the simplest and not hard to comprehend AT ALL and explains very very very important detail in simple words. So keep this as your base. Check out those W websites but NO OTHERS. Also try to purchase claire weekes hope and help for your nerves I got it on ebay for U dollars including shipping. I meant 7 dollars.. keep reminding yourself there is nothing to be afraid of and as hard as it is to be in battle with your own body just float. Get to the point where u really don’t give a dam. That’s when it will go away.divert your mind as much as possible. Try taking multivitamins, amino acids too r great for the brain. And lots of water. Keep me posted xx and remember YOU’RE NOT ALONE! Keep going out…you’re way stronger then u “feel” xx

  947. Nicola Says:

    Resorted to the Venlafaxine and sorry to say but boy am I glad I have. Almost immediately my depression has lifted enormously and hardly any anxiety. I decided it was time to give up trying on my own, I was following all the info given in book, eating right, getting out, exercising and it was just getting worse and worse. I think in my case it was not just anxiety I was dealing with, I’m not afraid of panic attacks but my mind was getting foggier and foggier and I really wasn’t able to reason my way through the anxiety anymore. I felt if I let it continue I was in danger of doing more harm than good. However remember that I have a diagnosis of PND and BPD too which further complicated things. Fingers crossed xx

  948. Diane Says:

    hi all, havent been on for a while, things had been going so much better, thanks to Pauls book and this website. I am now back at work full time and back to normal.My recovery path has been up and down but have managed to stay ok. However last night things went crazy. I woke up during the night and had a stange heavy numb feeling in my eft arm and neck and chest. I tried to relax and distract but after two hours I woke my friend who tried to reasure me but I was in a heightened state of anxietyby then and called NHS 24 who sent an ambulance out, I was very anxious and embarresed they checked me over ecg , bp etc and nothing was out of the normal.I am off work today as was off half the night, my left side still feels a bit sensitive, I was worried heart, stroke etc.I am trying not to buy into this as it is probarbly anxiety although I am aware and a liitle worried that’ here I go again’. After years of living with GAD I thought I had experienced most sensations symptoms, has any one else had an experience like this or a new symptom out of the blue.

    I am going to try and get on as normal and back to work tomorrow, I really appreciate Pauls book and this blog it has helped me so much, anxiety is difficult but not impossible to over come I dont want to get the debilitaiting way it was this last year can anyone else relate and offer some words of wisdom

    thank you take care Diane x

  949. tfox44 Says:

    Nicola, so glad for you friend. Keep up the good work. Diane my body is constantly. Numb especially hands and arms. Don’t worry. I’m still struggling with depersonalization and questioning my sanity and brain and life in generlal. All I can say is just brush it off and keep living don’t even start the fear cycle. You’ll BE FINE HAVE FAITH IN YOURSELF. IGNORE THE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS YOU.ARE.FINE.

  950. claire Says:

    Hi Nicola and Tfox44,
    I have been reading your posts this morning, if i would have known of this site a year ago my posts would be so similar to the two of yours..I know how desperate a person can want it over yesterday!
    I would say though you can’t float and ‘hold on tight’ at the same time..I know what you mean by this but you’r reinforcing in your mind that there is something you need to hold on to..There is not.
    Even when we are falling.
    I have learnt happiness is not something we get to add to ourselves in the form of a man or new top or an iphone or approval from other’s!
    We cultivate our own happiness and in turn allow other’s to do the same- sometimes it’s near impossible,but it’s in each and everyone of us and sometimes weighted so far down trapped under all the negatives/hurt/fear/bad decisions/ego etc.But it is there.
    Finally Tfox44 religion breeds fear espesh Christianity*.
    It makes you feel guilty for merely existing!
    (*in my opinion,don’t want to offend and was raised catholic and I’m not bitter-anyone who wants heaven good for them I’d prefer it on earth though haha)
    Take care girls x

  951. louise Says:

    Hi there my nan died of dementia a few months ago!! Then one day i while i was asleep i had a dream of someone shouting i am gonna kill you! That was it i shot out of bed and i went all nervous and shaking that was the day i started smoking and i smoked loads it really scared me. I have started worrying about everythin i went through if i will end up dementia omg what if i wake up and i dont know what i was doing and kill myself or someone. It was well scary thought. Then if i hear a siren i would shake thinking they have come for me even tho i know i wouldnt do anything to hurt anyone. If i hear the news and something bad has happened my mind would play tricks with me what if that was me what if i become like them. OMG it was hell i couldnt sleep i was shaking all the time i couldnt go out the house. I took the dog for a walk and saw a tree and thought if i was out my mind would i hang myself on that tree.. It was awful i had thoughts what if i hurt my children i would kill myself if they come to harm my god i went through it. I wouldnt go to the dr bc i was scared they would take my children off me bc of these obsessive thoughts. But now i am getting over it slowly the thoughts do come but i have learned to control them. and i Thank Pauls book it has helped me totally even though i knew deep down it was my innerself that needed to sort this out… Its awful when you have a kind nature and look after everyone else try and make them happy then you see something on the tele or paper something terrible.. Then boom you make yourself ill its silly really i think to myself how lucky i am to have 2 beautiful healthy children and a wonderful husband i shouldnt be having these thoughts… I look to a bright future now and enjoy what i have not not what i have created in my mind. god bless you all and take care xxx

  952. tfox44 Says:


    Thanks for the words. I won’t give up Christianity. I don’t feel guilty, I was more stuck on just existential thoughts and the world and everything being so perfect. Before I had anxiety, I knew how it all came about – during anxiety I was freaked out by the human body/thoughts/the brainect. Religion actually is my friend and has helped me with other serious fears. I don’t focus on the man made parts like never doing enough good “works” that’s baloni. But I totally get u…I used to obsess about that before I understood truth. And I understand why others may be fretful with religion which is why I don’t bring it up much, however that’s their own mind making everything tenfold with that PARTICULAR subject I do the same darn thing but with other subjects. Our minds all jump to something. Right now I battle with voverthinking just wyay too much, my memory is shot but thinking is clouded I am afraid of alzheimers and am painfully aware of the brain and if that’s messed up basically my reality is. But I will perservare and am taking pauls advice as well as Dr. Weekes. I’ve gotten over this as a child but the nightmare returned. Also I get flashbacks where I feel like I did when I was a child like ime reliving random moments. Terrifying ebbecause its like battling the brain. I wanna run away from myself but I have read pauls book as well as claire weekes, claire weekes is totally on point (same concept as paul) I’m greatful to feel a bit better and will perservere til I’m even better than I was before all this. Take care and glad you’re feeling better xx

  953. Nicola Says:

    Hi all, I have fears about existense and how did it all come about and is it all really real. However since being on the Venlafaxine, an anti obsessive med I now only have these thoughts at night and only because I am not on the slow release dose. During the day I feel completely normal and clear and everything is more vivid and real now I don’t have the dr/dp. I am 70 percent released from it all. I had to resolve to using a med as the anxiety had been going on for so long and so intensely that my perception of reality was getting dangerously messed up. I would warn that you make sure that it is just anxiety you are suffering from and not a basal ganglia, limbic or other brain abnormality as seems to be the case with me. I this case no amount of acceptance is going to change things as I found out the hard way. I don’t want anyone’s suffering to be needless as mine was. My sister in law suffed the same symptoms as me, took the same med as me and after three years was weaned off of it, she no longer suffers with her debilitating anxiety and she didn’t have any counselling, in her case and mine the anxiety was an off shoot of PND and needed medical treatment. I am only suggesting that you don’t suffer unnecessarily if you don’t have to. Much love xx

  954. Nicola Says:

    Change Your Brain, Change Your Life, a book by Daniel Amen may help you to make a more informed choice about which route you take. I was very anti-med so completely understand if you feel the same way. How long have you been having the anxiety tfox, and has it gotten better or worse the longer you’ve had it? Xx

  955. Nicola Says:

    Claire, I can’t bear the idea of a heaven, the idea of existing forever is one of my worst fears! Xx

  956. Nicola Says:

    Tfox how are you doing? Xx

  957. tfox44 Says:

    Hi Nicola, I’m doing pretty good. It was my bday. I have been going out, sometimes I get so friggen bewildered that this is even happening and how it can even happen to a person. I got claire weekes booked and it helped tremendously. I plan on speaking to a therapist also, its all my fears keeping this thing alive. I am very happy to hear you’re doing better. I am not anti med its just that I know me and I’ve had a fear of meds from my childhood because of my momplanting it in my head…nothing serious but I have an obsessive personality and don’t want to depend on them. But I totally get what you’re saying. Altho this is a nightmare, I have gotten over it in the past. Meds def can help but I’m too anxious to take themm I need to shut this imagination of mine upand start living life. It will happen for us both. How are you?

  958. tfox44 Says:

    Oh I’ve had this for a little over a year, it has gone up and down in different areas. I improve in one area and then obsess over something else. I used to be housebound but now I actually go out. It used to be physcial sensations that bothered me, now its the dp, thoughts and fears of like going nuts/alzheimers. I’ve been learning to cope much better altho still scary at times. Its a fight that truly makes us stronger each day. Xx

  959. Nicola Says:

    Hi tfox. I hope you had a nice birthday? I am doing a LOT better, I didn’t realise how depressed I was till now, now that I am feeling a lot better. My head is clear, I don’t obsess as much over thoughts and I don’t have obsessive thoughts nearly as much, when I do they don’t terrify me like they did. I am a lot better at rationalising them. I am starting to feel comfortable with life again and I am bonding with my family. Yes I was terrified of taking meds but at my lowest eb I realised I couldn’t get any more scared. I was scared 24 hours a day and had this overwhelming feeling that I shouldn’t even exist, so much so that the fact that I did exist was terrifying in itself. it was the most paralysing fear experience I have ever been through. Wish I’d started meds earlier before I experienced that level of fear as it’ll probably scar me for life. Xx

  960. tfox44 Says:

    Nicola, I’m really happy the meds made an improvement! Thank God my head is actually a little clearer too, I still obsess over dumb things like “the brain” I don’t know why I hate the fact we have a brain so much….llol its actually funny wshen u think of what’s really going on but how fearful we becomes. Anywho…its so wonderful yooure bonding with the fam. I will keep the meds in mind, but I’m surprised to say I’m doing better. Dr. Claire weekes gave me some good info that has helped a lot. Keep intouch.

  961. Nicola Says:

    Had a tough night last night. Had to travel about 30 miles to see my mum in hospital. Travelled with my partner and sister. Felt odd and out of place, like I didn’t know my own family. Had a near panic attack. Everything felt so unfamiliar. The biggest concern I have since all this began is that it has left me feeling like an alien in my own world. Disconnected and everything so foreign. I hope this improves. It makes me feel suicidal sometimes thinking I’m slipping into psychosis as it’s defined as losing touch with reality which I feel is what has happened to me.

  962. tfox44 Says:

    It happens to me all the time. I’m a complete stranger to myself. My family looks strange, my house seems as though I see it for the first time everyday, I get memories of past events constantly and feel like I’m sucked back in time reliving each moment. A new obsession was waiting to hear voices, of schizophrenia…. I’m tired of the thoughts I jus want to “feel” again…everything feels so weird. The main problem is depersonalization which many ppl have an issue with, its tuff to accept and ,wait, to pass. No clue what it feels like to be normal. I am constantly thinking of my brain, feeling like going crazy. Life feels like its not worth living but it is….. we’ll know this for certain someday. I’m so f’in fed up. My memory is gone. Too. I’m so over this, why is it even possible for this to happen to a human being. Like r we just chemicals in a body? I HATE that we have a brain. I’m utterly annoyed that I can’t feel happiness or attached to my own friggen home or family. I don’t mean to be negative iknow recovery can be achieved I just feel so trapped and powerless in my own dang body. I don’t even know who I am. No sense of self at all. However, let’s just keep pushing. I am utterly annoyed so I’m sorry I can’t be more positive. I will come back with some encouragememnt…just so fed up and scared. Chin up and try to focus on the positive and how much more we will appreciate life someday.

  963. tfox44 Says:

    How are you Nicola, I’m okay. At times im better than others. I just wish I could be relaxed and at peace. I think this is the dumbest thing that can happen to a person. But I think of all ppl suffering from terminal illnesses and feel blessed; even tho this is a nightmare (there’s no other word for it, and I still can’t believe it can happen to a human being) my dad is not well with his health; I feel so selfish that I complain about this and it feels like I’m stuck. I also understand what u mean when u say this will scar u for life. After awhile, it really gets easier. Once the “alarm” goes off – u will not be so haunted by the memory. When I was a child I had episodes like these and they were horrific nightmares when I got over it, I could actually laugh at how silly it was and was just SO THANKFUL that it was my PAST. HOWEVER IT HITS REALLY HARD if it returns or u get setbacks. I thought it would never go away and although I realized at one point how honestly foolish it all was, I feel terrified beyond beliefand very confusedabout everything…even what’s happening to me…sometimes I sit back and think…what is this?.com is this really happening, where am I? Who am I? What is this? But I think that’s from focusing only on the anxiety. Hope all is well. I knoow how hard this is. Sometimes I want to end it all but I have a bit of hope of how great life will be someday and I hold on to that when I feel I’ve lost everything else. Some feelings I get and weird thoughts are so undescribable. But there are some better moments. Just wish this wasn’t an issue at all. Write back xx

  964. tfox44 Says:

    One more question, do. You get to the point where you feel like you’re forgetting everything, like your address ect. Simple things. Like your sense of direction is off as well as thinking of what season it is seems confusing or what day it is. Do you thinnk its from constant focus on the dp. Ugh :(

  965. Nicola Says:

    Hello tfox, so sorry I didn’t check in earlier, forgot that I had written on here recently. Yes I forget the simplest of things all the time. My family just can’t believe how bad my memory is sometimes, considering I’m only 29! I even have to think about how old I am, I’ve been known to get that wrong as well! I think it comes from thinking too much about far out shit and just not thinking about the simplest of everyday things like normal people. Anxiety is a serious problem, it eats away at your soul and destroys your life, I cannot say that I feel it is less serious than a physical illness, Trisha Goddard had, at different times, cancer and depression and anxiety and said the mental illness was far worse. For me it feels like my life has been taken from me, sometimes I feel death would be preferable. What is the point in life when you’re playing a waiting game with anxiety, on autopilot everyday with the ability to feel only fear and just hoping, hoping everyday that something will shift, yet it never seems to, and so you keep on waiting, and hoping, if you still have any hope left. Morbid I know, but when that shift does happen, as slow and painful as it is, you’re going to experience life with more gratitude in your heart than ever before. You’ll see the beauty that others take for granted.

  966. Nicola Says:

    My dad suffered a stroke last year, prior to this he had been a very closed man, depressed and anxious all his life. The stroke changed him, his face is now warm and relaxed, his eyes sparkle with happiness and he smiles and laughs all the time. He never frowns, and loves company, he no longer wakes up wet with sweat from anxiety and doesn’t look tense like he used to. My point is, he had a stroke, he can’t walk properly and has to use sticks and a wheelchair, he lost most of the use in his right arm and cannot go out freely as he used to, but I wouldn’t change any of it and I don’t think he would either, because at least he is free of his mental pain, he’s happy.

  967. Nicola Says:

    The meds pulled me out of the abyss that I had sunk into and I feel certain that a lot of it can be attributed to abnormal brain functioning, but the uncomfortable feeling I have just being alive is only going to heal with time, I am still lost, lonely and afraid. Severe anxiety, and I’m talking the horrific, all consuming terror form that it can take, leaves you f&@king traumatised.

  968. tfox44 Says:

    I I totally get it. This f&*()ing unreal feeling is driving me so deep into despair and thinking I’m mad. I cry all the time. My thoughtsand dreams feel more real than reality. I rather be dead too at times,most of the time but I love my family. I rather have cancer than this. Not undermining cancer, I know its devastating and horrible too. I’m FED UP AND CAN’T TAKE THIS SHIT NO MORE. I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHO I AM ANYMORE. I’m happy I got u to talk to. Sigh. Ps started therapy today with oone of the anxietycentre therapists, not feeling any better and still have a terrorfying fear of going crazy..I wait every second to hear voices. Itss draining.

  969. tfox44 Says:

    Anfand d I’m happy for you’re dad. Peace of mind is everything.

  970. Nicola Says:

    You won’t go crazy, I haven’t and neither will you. The real anxiety is the bit where you scan and look to see if you’re feeling anxious, you’re anxious about feeling anxious, this is the bit that needs to be addressed. Make plans for your day in advance and focus on achieving your goals without thinking about anxiety or how you feel everyday. That’s what I’m doing and it’s working. It’s also breaking the habit of constant scanning though and this can be tough. May I ask how old you are and whether you work or not? Are you in England? Just curious. Do you read fiction, apparently uplifting books are very good for your brain :-) When you next find your thoughts becoming obsessive, pick up a book, relax and give it your full concentration. Depersonalisation is a shift in consciousness, you become overwhelmed and hey presto your brain goes into depersonalisation mode to try and protect you, only it scares you and you see everything through your ‘fear’ glasses. You know what I do now, I explain to whoever I’m with that I’ve slipped into DP/DR and that I’ll be back to the real world shortly, then I relax, explain to myself why this is happening and ride it out. Don’t let that fear trick you, remind yourself nothing has changed, just your perception of it has, temporarily. The key is to say ‘ ok so I might feel this unimaginable fear but I don’t care, though you have to learn to REALLY not care ‘ You’ve been through it a hundred times before and you’re still here and you’re still you, there is nothing to be afraid of xxx

  971. Nicola Says:

    How do you deal with your depression without medication, I don’t mean to make assumptions but I find it difficult to believe you have avoided depression considering the severity of your anxiety. xxx

  972. Brian Says:

    Hey Guys,

    In my bouts with anxiety, it seems as if Im putting a massive amount of pressure to be ‘myself.’ To live up to the expectations others have of me… ie. to be funny, to be the life of the party. I feel like i have to be this way or else people think something is ‘up’ with me. Im wondering if you guys have had anxiety living up to your own expectations of yourself?



  973. Nicola Says:

    Yes Brian I have had this, I think it stems from feeling like you won’t be accepted unless you act a certain way, I learned that this just isn’t true. Relax, be yourself and take the pressure off yourself, you may find then that people feel more relaxed in your company. More people are writing in the section about learned behaviour, at the top of the page. Come and blog on there, you will receive more support.

  974. Brian Says:

    Thanks Nicola,

    its always nice to get a response back.

  975. Ron Says:

    Hi Paul.
    Hope your well.

    I recently purchased your book and found instantly the parallels from my own onw unfortunate descent into anxiety within the first few chapters. I believe wholeheartedly the contents and the approach of the books premise. I’ve had episodes like the one I’m currently in and know how debilitating, desperate and life altering it can be. I think this is one of the main reasons that I’m finding it increasingly difficult to put your approach into practice and just abandon myself to whatever feelings maybe present and simply get on with my day. I think perhaps I’m still at present looking for periods of respite over the course of the day and find myself worrying that I’ll be imprisoned for an undisclosed time which certainly accentuates the dread, fear and anguish!! I’m trying to get up of a morning and do things this time at least. Before I wallowed in self pity with a mind and body increasingly under attack from my persistent interrogation. One of the major difficulties for me is the over exaggerated emotional responses that accompany the anxiety!! I’ve recently had to stop seeing a girl I quite liked because of how I feel. This had led to feelings of loss wonderinging if I’ve missed my chance, where she is what she’s doing and if she’ll find someone else. I know from previous experience that these thoughts and emotions are part of the condition and when the anxiety subsides so do they!! However, the intensity drains me almost to the point of paralysis where everything shuts down and I feel helpless. Believe me I’m trying to run with the flow of life and disregard these as part of a tired body and mind. Your approach will be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to try and apply to my life however I’m not going to give up this time. Previously through these episodes of hell where life becomes meaningless and each day filled with horror I’ve had no defence, no skills or tools to combat the devil. I’m trying to let myself go and suppose that my biggest failing is that at present I’m still to concerned with me and my symptoms. I think also that I’ve not yet began to accept that feeling different regardless of your approache will ever change me and I’ll be stuck in this cycle for evermore! I still think about the old me, the confident happy young man who woke each day with a view to absorbing all of life’s beauty. I’ve always been a bit of a worrier however but it was manageable. I suppose never knowing when the layers will begin to strip away is leaving me concerned! Another ‘don’t do’ I know!! I’m impatient to furnish my days will happiness and optimism again about a life left to live which I’d imagine is simply more worry and tension. With regards to the situation I have mentioned with the girl I was seeing my future not being mine and being impatient to see results are these simply me accentuating the cycle of anxiety? Should I take it all with a pinch if salt and simply willingly accept them as a symptom of a condition treatable with time and a little positive thought? Even thoughts such as coming home at night or going to bed, sitting watching a movie any of the old things that once brought a sense of peace and relaxation are all gone! When I’m in the midst of an episode there is nothing on earth, no where emotionally I can go to find peace. This is the fear and dread I fear, locked in a body that has forgotten how to enjoy life! Are these thoughts and feelings simply old habits and behaviours from my previous periods of anxiety that I simply have to learn to alter? Any advice or encouragement would be so greatfully appreciated.


  976. Michelle m Says:

    hi ronnie
    if you want advice and help from others, post on the latest one of Paul post. not everyone looks at the old ones anymore. all the best.


  977. Ron Says:

    Thanks Michelle.

    It’s appreciated! Where do I find the latest blog??

    Many thanks.

  978. Michelle m Says:


    just post under the “learned behaviour”. i thinkits July or august. hope you get there.


  979. Jeanine Says:

    Hello fellow sufferers,I’ve. Posted on “will my anxiety ever go away ” if you guys have the chance please read it and advise me if you can relate so I don’t have to rewrite it,nice to meet you all.’be been wanting to join this wonderful. Helpful community for a month now,since I’ve been reading it.

  980. Molly Says:

    ive been struggling for about 3 years now with anxiety and over active mind,i think it all stem’s from a bad miscarriage i had 4 years ago and since have had 2 beautiful children but i was so OTT while pregnant for fear of another miscarriage, i also moved house 3 years ago and am not happy there. I think of the worst possible outcome in every situation and end up so worked up, i cannot sleep and am irritable, i want to be the person i was before and try saying affirmations daily, i do have good days / weeks but at the minute ive been having bad days over something that hasnt even happened. Im stressing over a project in work that is for friends and keep thinking the worst outcome of the project.
    does anyone have any helpful tips, as sometimes i feel there’s no hope for me, i just want to adopt an attitude of “whatever” so to speak and not worry over silly things and think positive thoughts rather than the worst case scenario

  981. Stephie Says:

    Hello everyone, this is my first time posting here. I’m 21, and a girl who is currently in college. I’ve had anxiety for months now.

    I had depolarization but much thanks to Paul’s site and blog I was able to get over it.

    My anxiety first started when I was doing really bad in one of my classes, and was just in a period of my life where I doubted if I had made the right choices when it came to my major and if I’d really like my future career, there was a small part of me that really wanted to just back out, and another that didn’t. So I was just stuck worrying about this all the time.

    One day I was watching law and order SVU, I remember the episode and everything, it was about a principal that due to a tumor in her head ended up becoming just that. I had seen this episode before, and then it didn’t make me freak out, but I guess sense I was in a very anxious state the second time, when I finished the episode it suddenly hit me, like BAM! What if this happened to me?! And from there the thought just changed into what if I turn into one of these monsters?!!

    It’s just very frustrating, I know that’s just not true, and yet I can’t just let it go. I’m trying my best just to accept the thoughts, and let them be, but it’s very hard, because they still scare me. Anyways, just wanted to talk to people about it who may understand what I’m going through. If you have any advice I would appreciate it.

  982. lynn Says:

    Hi Paul, i have suffered anxiety for the last 7 years and feel like it rules my life. not me. My new baby daughter wes only 6mth old when i started feeling a bit odd, shaking in the morning when i woke, feeling very nervous and pains in my body but didnt know why i felt like this. My uncle around that time suffered a heart attack but when going to the hospital with symptoms was told there was nothing wrong. I was experiencing pains in my chest and was convinced that there was something wrong with my heart. Through time my doctor sent me for ecg`s, 2 treadmill tests and an echo heart scan. Ive had monitors on me for 24 hours, 48 hours and 7 days, all showing no problems. I was once admitted to hospital with a heart rate of 144 bpm (could this have just been anxiety?) Even after all the tests im still convinced that there is something wrong with my heart. Every tummy pain or feeling sick or funny feeling in my arm or chest still tells me they are the symptoms of a heart problem and there goes my anxiety again. Please help. Thanks

  983. shantajah Says:

    hey, I am gonna try this. i’m 19 and just trying to start this adult life but I can’t seem to let go of things from the past and bad things I have done or anything. I will cry or be in my thoughts a lot to a point where I will do it in front of people and look like a complete weirdo. I just wanna have a clear mind and stop reminding myself of the horrible things that I’m not proud of..and have a smile on my face that hides the constant thought. ppl will think I’m being fake or something is wrong and I can’t say its just..too much and I don’t like it I feel like I can’t do anything about it its horrible and I keep making myself feel worse

  984. David Mankins Says:

    I used to have great difficulty going to sleep. Like you I could not turn off my mind! One night (don’t know exactly why) I realized I lacked the resources to consciously make my mind (Brain) turn off thoughts that ran through my mind like a whirlwind. So, I just let go letting my thoughts excel as they went on as a tornado would build and build up speed and power. To my amazement I was waking up the next morning feeling totally rested, mentally and physically. I’ve used this method enough that this now happens naturally. What a wonderful discovery I found that one night so long ago!

  985. Bryn Edwards Says:

    Hi, This is my first time writing on this site. After having a really bad time with anxiety, I am slowly getting better. I think what Paul says is very true. Understanding anxiety takes away the fear. My main concern is that my thoughts are all over the place. I think my main problem is irritation. I get wound up so easy and it is very hard to just let go. It can be something simple like one of the kids saying something in a not nice way to me or my partner. She takes it in here stride and it does not bother her, me on the other hand just wants to explode, although I have enough power to control it. How do I not react to the thoughts that drive me mad.

  986. Ruth dickson Says:

    Hi Matt

    I started reading your 2012 blog haven’t finished yet. But needed to get stuff out. I suffer from ptsd due to recent recall of childhood rape. I’ve been managing ptsd, anxiety, dp for the past 5 years through counselling and finally medication. But it still doesn’t let up. I still go into a spiral especially when I get i get stressed. It drives me crazy, continually thinking people are beating me up about my work. But it’s my own self perception. I hate it and i want to feel normal. whatever normal is. it goes around and around in my head. i’ve learnt so many different strategies and usually they help. but when i’m low it’s difficult pulling on those strategies to lift myself up. i am a positive person, but going through work changes and all the negativity of others is driving me crazy. i find myself losing patience with them. end up being angry at myself:(

  987. Jeffrey Says:

    Hi, this is my first time writing. My anxiety started this past few months and it has recently gotten pretty bad. It started as a response to my vision, because I am legally blind, which id hard to accept. It did get to the point where I thought I had a brain tumor, but I was tested and I do not. When it get’s really bad, I feel like i’m losing my grip on reality. My mind can literally not focus on anything or anyone, making me quiet and afraid that the world is passing me by. I’m afraid to talk to people because it’s hard to concentrate on what they are saying. At its worst, I feel like I’m just floating and not participating in the world around me because my mind feels like there is literally something blocking it. Sometimes it leaves for a brief second, but it always comes back. I’ve tried self talk and meditation, but nothing seems to work. I feel like if I could forget about it I would be fine, but i just can’t. Reading these posts made me feel a little better because people have gone through the same thing. I;m just in a deep hole right now and I don’t know how to get out.

  988. Soli Says:

    Hi Paul,
    I have recently found your blog and started reading it. Thank you for sharing your experience with anxiety. Could you please mention the name of the video about calming the mind or provide another link? The posted link seems to be not working. Thank you.

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