Running away from anxiety symptoms and feelings

Hi all, Well todays post will be a little shorter than normal, but will cover an important point.

A lot of people complain, especially when waking that they feel very self aware, that they seem to be wired in to how they feel. They don’t know if to try and push these feelings away and ignore them or go over them and try to control them in some way, using sayings or actions.

I also used to get confused in the early days and would almost try and talk myself out of how I felt when waking , as though I had to piece the jigsaw together. I would start with a few sayings like ‘It’s o.k to feel this way’ , ‘It’s just a habit, your mind is tired’ or think ‘o.k get up, get busy, ignore how you feel’  and so I would run around all day trying to force forgetfulness, but these 2 approaches never worked, surely I was doing the right things here. But as usual if it did not help, then I surely was not. 

So I would continue to be very self aware, feel unreal, nauseas on waking and throughout my day, why? Then it hit me, I was ruminating over how I felt, trying to make it better, mentally tiring myself further, I was cluttering my already cluttered mind up. Also by running away, I was tensing myself against how I felt, I must not think about these feelings, get busy, this was mentally and physically tiring in itself.

What I had to do is say ‘So what if  you wake conscious of the lump in my throat, the self awareness, the feelings of unreality, it is o.k to be conscious of it’ I did not have to run around trying to push it into the background or try and talk it better, going through different sayings to ease it, to sort it out before getting on with my day. This was only tiring me out further and saying it was important NOT to feel this way. It was not important NOT to feel this way, in fact it was fine. I was allowed to feel self aware, I was allowed to feel nauseas on waking, feel odd and unreal. Everything I did before said it was not, my old attitude was, ‘I have to change this, I have to wake clearly, I must surppress these feelings, ignore them. This was all wrong, no wonder I was feeling more tired and cluttered than ever, once again it was all about allowing. This new attitude helped me so much and was a major factor in moving me forward and made the day a lot easier.

I have done the post on when people wake as this used to be my problem at times. I used to almost expect to wake feeling self aware, nauseas, unreal. I spent so much time trying to fix it, until I realised it was fine to wake feeling this way, expect it if you wish, but be fine with it, lock stock and barrel.

I did this short post as it has come up a few times recently. So for those who it is relevant I hope this helps. 

Just to let people know I wont be around as much in a months time as I am doing some voluntry work away from home in the summer. I will leave some posts that Candie will place up each month, so the blog will not be affected.

The main site will be run by my mother until I get back, although I will have some internet access in case of any problems. So nothing will be affected, it just means I wont be able to reply on here for a while. If you need anything Candie will be running things until I get back, which should be around 2/3 months. I will do one last post before I go though sometime next month.


For more help and information on anxiety visit

For more information about my book ‘At last a life’ visit

386 Responses to “Running away from anxiety symptoms and feelings”

  1. lindsey Says:

    Hi Paul

    thought I would be the first to post a response to the new posting of yours. I am so glad you have covered this subject because every morning I wake up I check “how do I feel this morning” and if feeling not great then I am used to that but dissapppointed but on the other hand if not feeling to bad this seems to take me by surprise. I struggle to get up in mornings and can never seem to motivate myself to just get up though my actual mornings are improving, mornings used to be a terrible time for me. good luck witht he voluntry work and thanks for the additional info “on waking” it will be very handy indeed cheers Paul

    Lindsey x

  2. Max Says:

    Hi Paul
    I come back to the site from time to time to look at your good work and this is a crucial point you;ve made re the road to recovery. It can set you up for a bad day. As you say all it does is put more pressure on you and when suffering from anxiety ist the worse thing we can do. Cultivating the attitude that you mention can take a little time but its so worth it. The way I’d frame it is an attitude of lovig kindness towards yourself, gently allowing what is already here to be. Think of the opposite of that – tensing and trying to push away your own awareness! This is a battle that can never be won. Once you decide to just give up on the battle you win! A strange puzzle as everything else we do in life we are programmed to literally do something about it and as we know with this condition its the worse thing we can do.
    Good luck with the voluntary work and to all your readers peace and blessings to you all.

  3. Nina Says:

    2nd to post on this new post. Well said Paul! I had weird mornings too and for those who are going through it now, all i can say is that it is another symptom that will dissapear with acceptance and understanding,


  4. Candie Says:

    yep i remember the mornings, waking up and within seconds flooding with anxiety. Now i wake up and dont give it second thought, after accepting for a while it becomes natural to be more outward i think

  5. Sandeep Says:

    I’m confused about something and was hoping someone can shed light (Candie perhaps you can in Paul’s absence). I’m really stuck here. I’m learning to accept my physical feelings and move past them. I’m still affected though by scary thoughts like I wont be able to sleep and others. This often results in adrenaline shoots through my body. I’m learning to recognize these thoughts for what they are but they obv still have an effect on me b/c of the adrenaline rushes they cause. I remind myself that they’re the result of a tired mind and bring my attention to the present. It gets tiresome though to having to keep reminding yourself especially when they come frequently. I know this act of reminding myself is a “do”, does anyone have any experiences with how they’ve tackled this and gotten to the point of just accepting the thoughts without reacting to them?

    Also, Paul mentions how he taught himself to live in the present. Is it forced to keep bringing your attention to the present when these thoughts come or is ok to do so? Thanks.

  6. Sandeep Says:

    Sorry for 2 emails but put another way, has snapping back into the present repeatedly helped people? Am I avoiding by doing so? I find it helpful when I’m able to as a way to stop all the mental checking in. I think if you can truly train yourself to live more in the present, it will give the mind the much needed break it needs.

  7. Bertha Says:

    Hello Everyone. I’m new to this site and have been skimming through the recent blogs and am amazed at how many of us are having similar problems with our “feelings”.
    I just want to say “Thank You” to all of you who have written so openly about your experiences and it really does help someone like me to put it all into perspective…so you are all very valuable people and worthy of a Big Pat on the Back for your contribution to this particular group of special people. I wish you all well in your search for recovery and hope that you all have a good, safe, year. I really do mean all that. Keep well.

  8. Claire Says:

    Hi all
    Not posted for a long time and been and was doing a lot better of late and have been medication free for over 6 months now, I have recently had a set back has sent me into a spiral. This post is very helpful as although mornings vary for me i do feel sometimes i am still running away from anxiety symptoms, i do know what you mean Sandeep, i was at work today and i had to go to a stressful meeting which i was dreading, managed to work myself up into a panic attack but made myself go in to the meeting and try and focus, but kept thinking i wonder if anyone can tell i am anxious etc… eventually i had to concentrate on the work as i was going round in circles and not actually achieving anything from this meeting,i ended up getting so consumed by work that i forgot all about it! Im not sure this is running away but just allowing myself to focus on the task in hand and then I was fine, i think you have to just get on with whatever you are doing and just dont think about how you feel in that situation just do it! i know im not perfect at this but the more you do it the easier it gets, no questioning just do it!

  9. Candie Says:

    Sandeep, i got past it by accepting that anxiety would magnify thoughts so i allowed them to feel scary.. that is staying in the moment totally as your willing to stay with the feelings as you know why.

  10. Nicola Says:


    I just want to add that although you know why you are getting the thoughts (adrenaline, tired mind etc) you will still feel the jolts of adrenaline. Just feeling that doesn’t mean you are doing anything wrong…the thoughts will still scare you and your body will react to them. When it is said on this site not to react to the thoughts it means don’t overthink them, don’t analyse or take them any further…

    So feel the thought and all the scaryness through your body but know deep down the causes…and let the thought buzz out of your head like a fly out the window. Don’t try to argue with the thought (fighting) just allow it. Don’t worry about how you could think such a thing etc. – you know why.

    I promise you that when you are feeling better the same thought does not make you feel afraid – its just another thought you can easily let go. Its just when you in the midst of full-blown anxiety you are easily terrified and it feels very real. I hope this makes some sense,


  11. Sandeep Says:

    Thanks Nicola. That helps.

  12. Sandeep Says:

    Thanks Candie.

  13. Teresa J Says:

    Hi all, I can view this post for 2 view points – having relaxed for a while and not been as vigilant and aware of anxiety i know that everything does lift and come better – i know that thinking does not make you better and the only signals the body needs is one of disinterest. So luckily the understanding of this post is very strong.
    At the moment i am having a setback, quite a hyped up one – luckily i do know what it is. All the doubts become ‘so real’ , new fears ‘seem real’ and the symptoms very tiresome and make you try to chase them off. Paul your post has been very helpful – luckily I am quite a way into recovery so although I feel very ‘negative and frightened’ at the moment I do actually KNOW what you mean by not pushing them away . I am now going to ‘try’ to not think my way out, especially on waking. I know this time will pass however I am back with the old thoughts of ‘am I not going to get out of this’ – as i write it i know where it comes from and what is fuelling it but it just seems a bit too real at the moment.
    Great post Paul, good luck with your venture – I am sure whatever it is you will be a huge benefit to those around you and of course thank you for all the help on your site.

  14. Teresa J Says:

    I have just read your reply to my post on the last month’s listing. i am glad it helped. Hope this may help further.
    I used to be scared of booking holidays, the moment they were booked i would start to pressurise myself to be ‘well’ – all of a sudden it was even more important to feel ok.
    Last year my son decided to have his wedding abroad – instead of me tailoring everything to cope with ‘me’ i had to fit in and get on with it. I coped with it all, night flights, nights out, everything – and felt good too. I had moments but realised an important thing that moments are moments and times move and feelings with them.
    Be brave and go for it – try and tell yourself you will be how you be, and you will be fine – company and life will take you over and you will have a good holiday.

  15. Ruth Says:

    Hi Sandeep

    I have been trying to post a reply to your message on 21/3/2010 but have not been able to get through. I see you have another message on 23/3/2010 which you now have a reply to. However I would still like to reply if I can.

    In your message of 21/3 you explain about the paradox of letting anxiety come and not letting anxiety come. Is that what you mean? Well I hit this problem as well. I am getting through by accepting that my anxiety is part of me at the moment and to get on with what ever I need to do along with the scary thoughts, feelings of anxiety or what ever. I don’t try to “force” my attention to other things or try to distract myself in a desperate attempt to forget myself. I do what ever task I have to do in the opposite way to how my anxiety is telling me to do it. Most of the time my anxious mind is telling me to get on with the task as quickly as possible so I do it as slowly as possible. My anxious mind will also tell me to skip corners to get the job done so I ensure no corners are cut and I take as long as I like. It’s as if I am re training my mind to think differently and it seems to be working. Some of the everyday tasks I am doing today are a lot easier to do that they were a few weeks ago.

    You say “The whole concept of not introducing more fear itself sometimes keeps me in the loop that oh no, what if I do introduce more fear? I’ll never get better” “….I’m almost doing it because I know I’m not supposed to”

    To try and stop fear will only produce more its like the saying try not to think of a pink elephant as soon as someone tells you that you automatic think of one! This is the same concept. Just carry on saying to yourself so what if more fear comes let it. The more you say it the more used to it you become and you start to change the habit. It takes time and practice; old habits die hard as they say. And how do you know you will never recover your not a fortune teller!

    I hope this has helped. I am currently suffering from DP and have found that just getting on with things and doing the opposite of what my anxious mind tells me seems to be working. I keep my self busy 24/7 because my DP is with me 24/7. I still get very confused at times about why some of my irrational thoughts are scary they don’t seem to make sense, but I’m saying to my self it is just my DP that makes me this way, so not much point in ruminating about them I will understand in time.

  16. Rachael Says:

    Second time posting about this but it’s probably more relevant to this post from Paul anyway…would really appreciate any understanding/encouragement anyone can give me.

    I’ve been a sufferer for 3 years now but have made MASSIVE improvements since discovering this site about a year ago. However during the height of my anxiety I became sensitive to the sound of people typing in my office and it just won’t go away. No matter how much I improve it stays as bad as ever. I’ve just been moved to another section of my office where I’m surrounded by people hammering on their keyboards, and I really feel like I’m going to crack. If I leave my job (which feels like my only option) I know I’m going to spiral into total despair. I feel so alone in this, people look at me like I’m crazy when I try and say how much it’s affecting me – seriously, I can’t work with it. I just want to cry all the time they’re typing and feel like I’m going to black out. When nobody’s typing near me I am FINE, my old self again, this is the only part of my anxiety that won’t stop beating me down. I don’t want to run away from this symptom I know that’s not the answer, but my nerves just won’t stop reacting to the noise!
    If anyone’s been through anything similar with irritability, I would really appreciate any support. I am desperate to get through this and not let go of the huge strides I’ve already made.
    Thanks so much.

  17. selma Says:

    hi all, have been having a really tough time lately. it’s so much harder to deal with after being anxiety/depression free for so long. i find it’s almost harder now. along with the panic i just get these terrible depressive pangs where i almost feel trapped in my own mind. i am constantly revisiting terrible times i used to have in the past, even in my dreams. it’s really awful. i remind myself not to but the thoughts just seem to come at their own will. not sure how to just disregard them when they have such a profound effect on my mood. can anyone relate? just knowing this is part of the road of anxiety/depression helps me, as i am so conerned that i have a more serious psychological condition. i am having a really hard time. and it’s strange, i’ll have 2 bad days, then one good day, then one bad day, 2 good days, etc. it’s such a roller coaster ride. i never know what i’m going to get and am always in my head trying to figure out why this day was bad or that day was good, etc. like, did i eat something? did i not sleep enough? shoudl i take more of these vitamins? it’s exhausting and so overwhelming to live like this. it feels so real and so intense that i am constantly stuck that i must just have something more wrong with me….

  18. christina Says:

    Rachael, Could you put your i pod on with some nice music that will block out the typing sounds? That might work.

  19. Rachael Says:

    Hi Christina,
    Thanks for the suggestion. I do use listening to music sometimes and it helps, but the nature of my job means I need to be taking calls, having conversations with colleagues all the time so it’s not really practical unfortunately! My anxiety was first triggered through hypochondria, fearing I’d get an awful stress-related illness (a misguided GP put this in my head!) so I think on some weird anxiety-brain level the sound of people typing annoying me will make something bad happen to me. Sounds so ridiculous written down I know!

    I may try get a transfer to a ‘quieter’ area, just til my nerves settle a bit. I guess my concern is I’m running away from the noise, rather than just showing my mind it doesn’t really harm me…maybe someday it’ll realise! Anyone has any thoughts on that I’d love to hear them.

    Selma – I have major ups and downs too, and used to do the exact same thing as you (oh I felt good today because work was ok, so if work’s bad, I’m gonna feel bad…) til I realised it’s just opening up a whole new world of worry. Thing is I never gained any insight! I’d have really stressful days in work and feel great, or really ‘relaxing’ days and feel awful – nothing consistent. I let it go and inevitably, the good days started to outweigh the bad. I’m going through a tough patch right now, more good days than bad, but that was a key battle I had learning to take each day as it comes and I got right through it. We all had good and bad days before anxiety remember! It’s not unusual!

  20. Nicola Says:

    Hi Rachael.

    I am by no means an expert- only of my own anxiety…but my instincts are telling me when I read your post that moving away from the sounds won’t help you in the long run fact you might find that the attention you give the typing sounds will move onto something else eg. a clock ticking or another sound you can’t get away from.

    I think if you continue allowing yourself to feel the fear of the sounds whilst acknowledging on a deeper level that it is only an obsessive though and allow time to pass then you will overcome this. In fact Scarlet has said on here before that if something makes you feel uncomfortable then do more of it. I know how hard all this is…it sounds so simple on paper but so difficult to live with. You can do it! Anyway I think you know deep down what is the best thing to do (or not do!) Big hugs to you…


  21. Yolande Says:

    Hi Rachael,

    I replied to Lindsay who also has the same experience. i do too – for me it’s when ppl. around me talk too loudly- it drives me nuts. this is normal becos our nerves are v sensitised right now. so a tiny noise will be amplified until it is unbearable. the only way to deal with this is to try and listen to the sound instead of trying to break away from it. this advice is from Dr Claire Weekes. after a while, your nerves are not so sensitised anymore, and things will be easier.

    i hope this helps.

    i currently have periods when i have doubts abt things that i am doing or going to do and still some negative thinking. sometimes i can come thru them well enuf and just let them be there, sometimes i need to talk it over with someone to get it off my chest.

    ah well…………. this is the recovery process i suppose :)

  22. yolande Says:

    Scarlet, Candie, Diana or anyone,

    Can you pls advise if having DOUBTS is normal when one has anxiety disorder?
    soemtimes i do something, and the next instance i feel doubtful……… like am i doing this right, did i make the right decision?

    Gosh, it’s so irritating!! can anyone share if they have this same expereience and how they overcome it

    thank you

  23. Rachael Says:

    Thanks for the responses guys – I think part of me was hoping you’d say ‘just move away from it’, but it’s what I needed to hear and know myself. Running away ain’t the answer. I think it’s just that I’ve overcome so many other symptoms and it’s the only one I can’t seem to move past, which frustrates me so much. I keep remembering work before anxiety, when I was relaxed and thinking freely and I want it back right away!! How did I not notice these sounds before!? Why is it taking me so much longer to get past this!? Round and round we go… But seriously thanks, even sounding that out online has made me feel so much better.

    Yolande I hear you on the doubts, I second guess myself all the time. But that’s always been part of my nature I wouldn’t pay too much notice to it. I think anxious people just focus on the doubts that bit more. Like anxiety, they’re pointless – what’s done is done and you can’t change it in most situations so just keep moving forward.

    Finally Selma I meant to say this in response to your last post – I’ve been through the ‘I have a serious psychological disorder’ fear and a friend made a great point when I was explaining how I felt to her – she said: “Rachael, people will actual psychiatric disorders like you’re describing can’t think about themselves in that much detail”. ‘Nuff said.

  24. Pauline Says:

    Hello all,

    About a year ago- I posted some comments on this website a couple of times when I was going through bad anxiety issues: depersonlization, multiple physical symptoms- I was in a bad state. . It all started with having to make a presentation at work that I obssessively worried about to the point where it manifested from nervous/mental/emotional exhaustion. I am happy to say with the knowledge of this website and some patience, I was able to heal and make two presentations.

    From time to time I check in. While I am much better- every once in a while I need to do some tweeking. I read this post from Paul and I would like to add to it. Sometimes, when we are dealing with stressful things in our lives, our anxiety symptoms will creep up on us. I am experiencing this now. I recently moved and am having dificulties with my partner. So- some of the symptoms have returned on a very small scale. Annoying- but I am so much wiser on how to deal with these issues. I have made two presentations at work since. .

    I would like to add- that whenever you go through stressfull situations that these symptoms: “watching yourself” , depersonalization etc; have a tendency to increase. Try your best to understand that not every day is great – but that eventually you will always wind up having a good day.. .. . Most of all- keep the faith .. everything will be OK- because it will.


  25. Sandeep Says:

    Ruth – thanks. I’ve started to do all this. Its helping. After a couple of days of peace, I can clearly see the difference in my nerves. Sleeping is still a problem – I wake up with adrenaline jolts. I can see now what acceptance means and how it works but it takes a lot of practice to change the habit of not fearing.

  26. Ruth Says:

    Hi Sandeep

    I am pleased that you are practicing to accept the anxiety you have at the moment. I appreciate how tough this can be at times but keep at it.

    Sleeping can be a problem I understand what you mean about the adrenalin jolts. I have also had nights like this! I think it is because our senses are affected by our anxious state of mind, at the moment they are not quite connected in the same way as they are when we are calm. I think this is because we are very alert due to all the adrenalin in our system. So we are constantly on the look out for danger even though there isn’t any!

    This is what I am finding useful at the moment and as a result I am sleeping much better.

    1. Before preparing for bed I read some of Paul’s book. Bits that I have highlighted that are relevant to help me feel positive and less isolated etc.
    2. I stick to my “normal” bed time routine, not rushing anything and lingering in the bathroom if I need to (I am a women after all!)
    3. When in bed I read a light hearted book, something I don’t have to think about too much or you can listen to an audio book if that is easier.
    4. When my eyes begin to drop its lights out.
    5. When I close my eyes I do a meditation. I start by concentrating on my breathing, on the out breath at first, I imagine black and red smoke coming out of my nostrils, this is all the negativity coming out. I do this for a couple of breaths. Then I start to imagine a bright white light as I breathe in, I think of this as all the positiveness coming in. I do this for another few breaths, if I am still awake I then start to count from 21 to 1 on every out breath. Breath out …21 breath in breath out 20 and so on down to 1. When at 1 I begin at 21 again, if I loose count on the way I immediately start back at 21. If my mind wonders onto my thoughts I calmly bring myself back to the counting I don’t try to push the thoughts away I let then stay I concentrate only on counting. Again this took some practice but I am asleep before I even start counting now!

    If you wake in the night get up, go to the loo, have a walk around the bed, go down stairs, do anything, then when you get back into bed try the meditation routine again if you are not asleep in 15 mins get up again and do this continually even if it take hours.

    In the morning try to get up early, even if you have not had much sleep and try not to nap in the day.

    This is working for me. Hope it helps and Good Luck!

  27. Chris Says:

    Hi, thank you all for your posts. I often wonder if anxiety causes the depressive thoughts that keep hanging around or if it is depression, and how do you know the diference. In my case I believe the thoughts are anxiety driven because of the fear that I will think or feel depressed. I seem to get hung up on thinking or evaluating wether or not I am just depressed therefore meaning I may have some bigger problem than just anxiety. Does anyone have any thoughts on this that may help shed some light on it for me?

  28. Josh Says:

    Hello everyone

    I’m new here and I just want to say that I have been suffering from anxiety for about 6 months or so. It has been one of the hardest things that I have ever had to deal with but after coming on this web site and reading things people have said and had to deal with, it makes me feel like I am not alone. That makes a big difference! They say misery loves company but that’s nonsense, I hope we all get better! I too have trouble sleeping, constant worrying, and depersonalization, and all kinds of strange feelings that simply seem like no human being should (or could) feel. Just 2 or 3 months ago, I couldn’t do anything without pacing my apartment for hours first. I still get that way sometimes but at least I can recognize what it is. For some odd reason that is the hardest part for me and I’m not sure why because I’ve been through this before several years ago. The other problem I’ve been having is this horrible depersonalization (it happens for me 24/7 as well) and it the worst when I wake up. The whole day I will feel dreamy and nothing feels real to me, even my own thoughts. Of course I know what it is but it is still frustrating. But the part that frightens me the most is the constant thinking. It used to be worry thoughts, negative thoughts and frightening thoughts at a constant pace all day and night and now it’s just random thoughts and constant inner dialog about anything and everything at an alarmingly fast pace 24/7. Combined with the DP it certainly makes me feel crazy. Has anybody had this problem before? Any tricks on dealing with it? Any input would be greatly appreciated. Thanks, and once again I am very glad to have found this site! Hope everyone is having a good day.

  29. Sandeep Says:

    Thanks Ruth. This is helpful. I try to meditate too. Sometimes exercise before bed helps. Not sleeping enough gets me really tired in the day and exhausts the mind even more. Trying not to take any sleeping pills. This is my primary fear currently – it stays with me all day particularly around bedtime and then I psyche myself out at bedtime and the adrenaline becomes worse. Will try your tips.

  30. Wayne Says:

    Really bad palpitations all day today and also feel like my throat is closing. Really bad feelings of being strange when I go out the last few days. Not sure why, I have been doing so well.

  31. Sandeep Says:

    Wayne – as I und it, nerves take a few months to heal. From time to time, these setbacks will happen. Easier said than done but tell yourself its a setback and accept it.

  32. Sandeep Says:

    Has anyone had a fear of not sleeping? Ruth’s comments v helpful. Any others?

    Also, how do you tackle a specific thought that’s not related to anxiety but an issue in life? It hits harder when you have anxiety. Do you just let it burn itself out?

  33. lisa Says:

    sandeep it all depends what the thought is!! if its important,deal with it,if its obsessive allow it to pass.

  34. angela Says:

    hey sorry I know this may b innapropriate here but paul….are you out there?!I just purchased your ebook and I couldn’t open the link and then I thought I’d restart my computer but now the site where I could get it from has gone completely!any help would be appreciated!

    hope everyone is doing well, chin up guys..thoughts are just thoughts-unimportant things xx

  35. Rachel Says:

    Hi everybody. I know this has probably been said a million times before but I could really do with some reassurance as I am in the middle of a massive setback. Suffered terribly with anxiety most of last year to the point where I felt I couldnt carry on – this site was a fantastic help and I did all the things people said to do, not give it too much gravitas and get on with your day. It took a long while but I did manage to pull myself up and for the majority of this year so far life has been good – anxiety has not really been part of my day and I havent felt the need to check in on the site at all. Even when I have felt well I still suffer from lightheadedness and pins and needles but I havent let them bother me. Just as I was starting to think I had conquered this and was even hoping to come off the antidepressants last week it all just descended upon me again and whilst I am trying to ignore it Im finding it so hard, after feeling so well this is like a bolt from the blue. I just feel totally weird, light headed, shaky, exhausted, wake at five in a state of absolute fear and everything is such a huge effort as I feel so ill. I cant seem to shake off the feeling that this is it now and I will never lead a normal life again. I know Ive come out of this before but this time it feels so much harder and I cant understand why I have gone downhill so quickly. I really do worry Im going mental as how can I be so well one week and so bad the next? Im really sorry to be so negative but I just feel so desperate. Is there anyone else out there who has been doing really well and then just plummeted?

  36. Candie Says:

    Hi Angela, if you email Paul by the email address on the main site you will get a faster response

  37. lindsey Says:

    Hi everyone

    Sandeep i have a problem with sleeping and hate going to bed. When my partner anounces he is going to sleep or he is really tired, I get shots of adrenaline and start to worry. I hate the thought of being alone (though he tells me i am not i feel like i am) and get scared that something might happen and it will be a long night or i wont be able to get to sleep. i have kept the same rountine for a while now and have to admit i feel a little braver whether its due to the rountine or time i dont know. i go up with plenty of time of my partner announcing he is going to bed, i do my diary, read a little if i am able to concentrate, i use lavendar on my bed and settle while my partner watches a little tv and i hopefully drift off when he thinks i am asleep (and now most of the time i am) he too goes to sleep but not before putting on some relaxation music to help me also. I am lucky with this i know. If i am struggling with anything i concertrate on what thay are saying on tv whether i find it intresting or not it helps to keep my mind on something else other than myself. i have even had a few nights where my partner has been shattered and i have been brave enough to stay up in bed on my own and watch tv or read. i would say this is where time comes into it and time does heal. also as soon as you feel tired take advantage of it and get striaght to sleep peacefully. hope this helps if only a little. sweet dreams.

    lindsey x

  38. lindsey Says:

    Hi Davidina

    Hope you are having a great time and your journey went well. i will be thrilled to hear how you got on if you get chance. i have been having a few crap days of late but feel like i might be coming out the other side a bit now. till next time

    lindsey X

  39. Sandeep Says:

    Thanks Lindsey. I’m guessing that over time if we can get our nerves to become mor densitized in general, the mind will develop confidence to be more peaceful and sleep will come. I have setbacks a lot b/c of my fear of not sleeping. I guess I have to learn to accept. Thanks for your reply.

  40. lindsey Says:

    Hi Sandeep sometimes i wonder if i have not learned to accept too and wonder if i am on the right path but i suppose time will tell the only thing i can say is that i have decided to go on the path that i am on at the moment and hope it is rather than wondering if it is all the time which is not going to be good for me if i am just questioning it all the time (hope that bit make sense!) and if it turns out not to be then will have to try a new path and a new way but i will get there in time and that is still one of my big things TIME though i am learning to except it more now as time goes on take

    lindsey x

  41. Davidina Says:

    Hi Lindsey – So good to hear from you. Have stayed away from the site for a week, switched on last night and there you were. I was so happy that you are a bit better. Have decided to stay up north for another week. Just going for a walk just now but will speak to you later. The boys are going for a beer this afternoon, so I will have loads of time. Love D. XXXX

  42. Sandeep Says:

    Lindsey – I hope this helps. The one thing I took away from Paul’s site is not to keep questioning. You get the mind more tired. Try to follow a path for one week w/o questioning it. The source of everything is a tired mind. Give it a break and you’ll recover. The way to give it a break is to stop keep asking yourself whether you’re doing the right thing. Just BE. That’s accepting. I know this is hard but try to live alongside all your symptoms. I’m just training my mind to do this and am already in the middle of my 1st setback but trying not to question it and moving forward.

  43. angela Says:

    hi candie and everyone, thanks I got the book now..Yeah I lindsey I

  44. angela Says:

    WOOPS!sorry I didn’t mean to post that!here we go, Lindsey, I used to be really scared of going to sleep too. I think it’s because when you lie back in bed you have nothing to distract you and your thoughts just go on and on,the trick is just to let them do that and to see them as just thoghts. You are obviously scared of them,you are scared of being in your own head bascially..I completely understand, but you need to gain some space from the thoughts you’re scared of and see them as just thoughts, they aren’t real..this is very hard to do, but with practice, you’ll get there. Also, whenever I feel like this now, I use something called ‘positive imaging’ I just think of something I love doing or someone I love and go off on a really nice train of though–whatever it might be, winning the lottery and buying nice things(ha ha I know) or seeing my family and everyone happy and being in a themepark with them…well whatever it is that I like or want, I just think about and it calms me and makes me feel good..or sometimes I think about the things I really want to achieve in life and just phantasise about them..basically anything that makes you feel’s kind of like a weird type of meditation but it just makes you feel nice..and the anxious thought are just back chat anyway..they’re only important because you think they are, by realising bit by bit that they aren’t important, you can let them go and live in peace..and each time one comes that frightens you, you just automatically remember:’oh yeah,that again,what a silly thought’ and then it goes…good luck!do some exercise as well, that helps tire you and chill you out enough to get to sleep well.. xxxx

  45. Davidina Says:

    Hi Lindsey and all my friends out there. I am enjoying the change of scenery here and have felt happy for the first time in a long time. There have been times when I haven’t even thought about anxiety, but other times when it’s there but I try to accept and carry on with what i am doing. I don’t know yet whether I am truly accepting or not and still need lots of advice from everyone. You are all so supportive. I have been out for evening dinner and even went to the pub for a wine. Not done that in a long time. didn’t feel anxious -just a bit of DP but did feel proud that I even got there. Still feel uncomfortable in the mornings but following Paul’s post about letting it be there. How’s things for you Lindsay. You quote – had a few crap days – do you feel bad all day or just spells. I agree with Angela about exercise. I have an aerobics DVD which I follow before dinner. Burns the adrenalin. Ha Ha not always. Looking forward to hearing how you are doing Lindsey and everyone else out there. XX

  46. lindsey Says:

    Hi Davdina

    Yeah had a few bad days but handled them well i think. Been more like spells i would say day one being the worst. had some “what ifs” creeping in but handled them well and not dwelled on them. been shattered and had horrible headaches but i have just carried on with my life the best i can even managed to take the kids swimming felt awful but i did it. If i have something planned now and anxiety creeps in i do it anyway otherwise i feel like i am giving in even if i could just do with a rest. do you think this is right or am i pushing myself too much, in life with out anxiety we change our minds but we dont think nothing of it? made up for you being away from home and having a great time an deven staying longer wow thats really great. well done for going the pub and enjoying yourself sounds like it is doing you the world of good. as for excerise i swim 5 times a week and have been doing so now since october and its also relaxing as well as using up me extra adrealin!!! My mornings are starting to get easier hopefully yours soon will improve because this can set you off to a bad day but just continue to take pauls advice an djust go with it. I also do a relaxation cd this too is very good and helpful. remind me again on what dp stands for i always get them mixed up. enjoy the rest of your stay till next time

    lindsey XX

  47. lindsey Says:

    Hi Davidina

    sorry spelt your name wrong oops!!!!!!!!!!!


  48. lindsey Says:

    Hi all


    Can anyone explain to me there version of understanding foght or flight i have difficulty understanding it as much as i read about it i still dont get it can anyone simplify it for me or explain it to me????

    Lindsey x

  49. lindsey Says:

    Thats suppossed to say fight or flight OOPS sorry

    Lindsey x

  50. Caz Says:

    Hi everyone. Firstly would like to comment what an amazing website. A big thumbs up to see no advertising! :) I feel im a bit of a newbie to all this. My mind has been working overtime for a loooooong time but I never realised this wasnt good as I was seemly happy and successful. I have always been the type of person to be thinking of ten things at once, even when im on the internet I have 3 tabs open at once, my mail, my work my facebook mainly because I hated waiting for something to load (even tho I had nothing to hurry for!) Even from a child I remember being a worrier my heart pounding if I even thought I was in trouble let alone being in trouble! I noticed as growing up that I would worry about the craziest things… being pregnant even tho I was on the pill and then my mind would plan out how I would cope and how I would tell my parents and my boyfriend, then I would worry about not having a good life and my friends leaving me. all this from one ‘thought’ even thought there was probably only about 1% chance of it happening to me IT COULD and it was the worst thought ever. This has pretty much carried on through my life but getting worse, I would make a phonecall off my work phone and then half way through the call get the worst pains in my stomach thinking omg omg i bet they monitor my calls, what was i saying? im going to get fired… how will i explain this. going to lose the house, lose my boyfriend. ohhhh the list just goes on. I noticed that these symptoms got worse when I met my new boyfriend this year, hes a catch and probably one of the best people ive ever met. I used to constantly worry about him cheating on me and me never finding out, then once i found he was trustworthy and forgot that I then decided he was going to think i wasnt trustworthy, i went out got drunk and had a photo with one of my male friends, i got to bed and thought OMG that will be on facebook tomor and he will see it and think im cheating…. I didnt sleep allllll night just had butterflies in my stomach.

    Recently Ive had the most racing scary and weird thoughts ever and because they are so scary to me, i keep thinking them which is making me worse! Its only been in these past couple of days that I cant eat or concentrate and feel like im not in this world at all. My friends and family keep commenting on how pale and sick I look, and thats because how I feel.

    My friend has offered me some Beta Blockers she took for her exams to slow me down cause I actually feel i am going to have a breakdown. I cry about 4 times a day, push my partner away and seem to have forgotten my old life completely, I cant even watch films without getting crazy butterflies in my stomach sometimes I dnt even know why im getting them, i dont even know what im worrying about. maybe its im worrying about worrying I dont know. However its only been this bad for about 5 days.

    Whatever the weather here I know something is not right and something has to change. Going to try these beta blockers this week in the hope of just slowing me down.

    During this time I am going to let these thoughts wonder through my mind. They are not nice and its not going to be easy, I have the feeling this is going to be one rough week and my work is definatly going to suffer. I am giving them way too much importance and I know they are only there because I am giving them the importance they want. The mornings seem to be the worst waking up and immediatly thinking stp stop stop but it makes me worse.

    I was wondering if it would be better to take this week off work? an would it be better not to see my partner as much, I havent shared these feelings with him because its a new relationship.

    If anyone has anything they feel might help please share because even though I know what im doing and how to heal myself, it feels like im going round in circles.

  51. dee Says:

    Hi to all on this site,

    I have been on a few times and it has taken me sometime to build up the courage to write something. I dont know why but for some reason i was thinking that i may have different symtoms or be different, and you may all think… ‘ who is this stranger’. Again i know this is silly as everything i hae read i can relate to.
    I have read the book and think it is amazing, really helpful and so true to life, for so long i have also spent money and been to so many different people to find that cure, which i know only lies within myself. But lets face it, it is still hard to place this way of thinking into our daily lives.

    Does anyone else feel like they get upset with themselves when they have a ‘set back’? i know i do and sometimes i dont understand why it comes and i think this is why i find it upsetting.
    My partner also suffered from anxiety at one point before i met him and he went on medication and seems to be ok now, where as my recovery seems to be taking longer… does anyone know why? i also thought medication was masking the problem and you had to deal with your feelings to truely be able to get over them?
    He is very supportive but i oftern wonder if he thinks i should follow the same route he did?.

    Any thoughts or feedback wouls be great and well recieved from those who understand.

    Thanks for listerning xx

  52. angela Says:

    hi lindsey, I can try…there is a part of your brain called the amalygda,it’s a tiny gland which is responsible for strong emotions such as fear. This part of the brain is there to protect us from lions and tigers and any other big animal that could hurt us. So when you see a lion, you register it and then the amalygda signals ‘threat threat threat!!’ so you feel adrenalin rushing through your body, you tense up, feel hot, tremble maybe(basically loads of anxiety symptoms) and then you decide wether to ‘fight’ the lion or wether to ‘flight’ from the situation.. This process is a basic thing we posess and it is integral to our well being and safety, especially in primevil times. Imagine this scenario, you’re walking home and it’s late, you hear someone walking behind you and get a bit scared, then the person walking behind you starts running towards you in an agressive manner—you instinctively run as fast as you can away from the danger. What happens in a panic attack, is that this fight or flight process happens but there is no external threat. So basically, you have triggered your fight or flight response through a thought(usually a pretty extreme one). A Panic attack happens like this, anxiety builds and builds and builds until one thought triggers the fight or flight reflex and there, full blown panic attack. Normally, if the fight or flight instinct is triggered by an external threat, we would either run away or fight, and this would get rid of the excess adrenalin floating around the body, but because when you have a panic attack, you don’t run away or anything like that, the adrenalin stays with you. And bam, you have anxiety, and then you worry about it, which makes it even worse. You just have to understand that this is a perfectly normal bodily reaction and absolutely zero to worry about-there is no danger and there never was.

    anyway, I hope that explains it!


  53. Josh Says:


    Hello everyone

    I’m new here and I just want to say that I have been suffering from anxiety for about 6 months or so. It has been one of the hardest things that I have ever had to deal with but after coming on this web site and reading things people have said and had to deal with, it makes me feel like I am not alone. That makes a big difference! I too have trouble sleeping, constant worrying, and depersonalization, and all kinds of strange feelings that simply seem like no human being should (or could) feel. Just 2 or 3 months ago, I couldn’t do anything without pacing my apartment for hours first. I still get that way sometimes but at least I can recognize what it is. For some odd reason that is the hardest part for me and I’m not sure why because I’ve been through this before several years ago. The other problem I’ve been having is this horrible depersonalization (it happens for me 24/7 as well) and it the worst when I wake up. The whole day I will feel dreamy and nothing feels real to me, even my own thoughts. Of course I know what it is but it is still frustrating. But the part that frightens me the most is the constant thinking. It used to be worry thoughts, negative thoughts and frightening thoughts (such as hurting someone or myself) at a constant pace all day and night and now it’s just random thoughts and constant inner dialog about anything and everything at an alarmingly fast pace 24/7. Nothing frightening for the most part, its just my mind won’t shut off and its pretty crippling. Combined with the DP it certainly makes me feel crazy. It’s the worst when I wake up in the morning (or really like between sleeping and waking up) Has anybody had this problem before? Any tricks on dealing with it? Could it be something other than anxiety? Any input would be greatly appreciated. I’ve tried posting before, maybe it will work this time. Thanks, and once again I am very glad to have found this site! Hope everyone is having a good day.

  54. Ruth Says:


    I would like to tell you what fight and flight means to me if I can.

    To me it is that strong feeling that you need to escape and to do it as quickly and as fast as you possibly can. I imagine my self barging my way through what ever is in my path, a bit like a bull in a china shop. But I never do!

    My understanding of what is actually happening “physically”. For example, during a panic attack the brain tells your body it is in a threatening situation so needs to prepare you for action. Adrenalin is then released into the blood stream to give you the energy to fight what you fear “fright”, or gives you the energy to run for your life and out of harms way “flight”

    What is confusing is that during a panic attack there is usually no “visual” fear/danger so the brain tries to make sense of what it has to fight of flee from. I think this is when we attach our anxiety to something irrational. This sets us off on a never ending ponder which then, as Paul’s book explains, creates a tired mind. Depersonalisation (DP) can then occur. It is a safety mechanism the brain uses to make us “safe”, our emotions are some how switched off, we find it harder to make sense of what is happening and so the endless pondering continues.

    I have posted a few messages recently because I have found this site good source of information regarding DP. In brief, I have been through a severe episode of this condition lately. I can appreciate what Paul has written in his current post. My DP made it hard for me to get up. I was at my worst 7 weeks ago. My Doctor put me on antidepressants but after 5 weeks they had only made my condition worse so I stopped taking them. I am now going at it without medication. Over the last 2 weeks I have done what Paul has put in his current message. I am now re training myself to think differently. Getting up is easier and I look forward to getting on with my day. The DP is still around but because I am beginning to understand why it is there I am coping much better.

    I am not always able to log onto this site every day but I am happy to help anyone if I can!

    Best wishes to all!!

  55. Will Beswick Says:

    Hi all, read the above and would just like to offer my input! Somebody I am helping at the moment has benefitted hugely (I hope) from the point I have just put on the second blog (Will I ever recover….)

    Where Paul and I share so much ‘common ground’ on is this ‘doing’ thing which causes more problems even though we think this is the right thing to ‘rid us of our pain’.

    Let me explain further – when we feel anxious – so many of us ‘do’ things to ‘distract/take our minds off’ our anxiety – same as what this person Im helping has said – as they tried a certain method (wont mention it here but its about distracting the anxious mind/diverting it) and it costs a lot of money (enough said!).

    However, I may be controversial here, but all I will say is that all these methods are STILL making an issue of your anxiety, though they are very understandable techniques, as we are so desperate.
    The one biggest problem with this illness is trying to explain it clearly and I will keep trying!!

    Take the example of the office noises above – this is a perfect example of how ‘something’ can suddenly become a massive issue when it doesn’t have to be…trying to ‘give the anxiety respect’ i.e. by putting Ipod on etc – still keeps this anxiety issue unresolved as it is dictating your behaviour and is always on your mind.

    So what do you do?!!!!
    Right – lets go back to that ‘office noises’ example – this is a) a perfectly normal/acceptable thought to have that has b) been ”’followed up”’ by a ‘secondary’ panicky thought(s) ”should this be really stressing me?/”I cant stand this/Am I weird/I cant cope with this etc etc etc – all characterised by ”increased mind tension”.

    So what is going on here? Well, as I explain, we have ‘moved’ into a ‘separate’ unnecessary process of tensing up’ here ‘following on’ from an uncomfortable..yet completely ‘fine’ negative thought/feeling about hating/feeling uncomfortable about the noise.

    The solution is really simple – but does take time/understanding and perseverence i.e. knowing that you are NOT mad – and being ready to ‘trust’ this fact.

    Ok, so how can we tell the separate processes going on here between that ‘initial’ thought and the subsequent secondary tensing up panic about it?

    Well, the thought/feeling ‘comes in’ that we feel uncomf with that constant noise…this is our ‘recognition point’ of this thought. What we ‘do’ next is very important. Of course, we feel ready to panic and ‘intensely force ourselves ‘back’ into this thought ”why am I feeling like this/I dont like this what can I do/Im odd etc etc etc plus any ‘doing’ techniques to rid ourselves of this discomfort.

    What is going on here is that we have ‘moved’ from an initial perfectly acceptable negative thought into ”unnecessary tensing up” panic. This panic is ALWAYS chracterised by us ‘intensing” our minds.

    Naturally, the solution IS as we would think – calm your mind at this intensing point, though we can’t ‘say’ this to ourselves i.e. ”calm down” as that is ‘increasing our tension (a ‘do’ and why we all get so mixed up with this!).

    So, this calming is ‘not doing something else’ to make a further ‘issue’ of that initial negative thought – it is actually calming our intensing mind ‘back down/deflating’ it if you like.

    ‘Letting go of that unnecessary tensing up’ as I have said, ‘cannot’ be a ‘spoken word/phrase’ in our minds each time, as this will ‘still’ intense the mind and push us ‘further’ into our panic/making further issue of those now ‘past’ thoughts re office noises being annoying.

    . Diverting/shutting out/distracting/questioning/ignoring etc are ALL do’s which make further issue of this thought and are, in fact, still our panic – they are ALL characterised by us intensing as explained.

    So, take another example – i.e. my last piece of advice to this sufferer was in response to when they said – ”Will, ok, so I just had a thought that I shouldnt be alive and that I am destined to die from this” what do you think?!

    Well, taking the same course of action here – this thought was ‘fine’ (tho not nice) to have. However, the ‘then’ …tensing temptation… to panic about this ‘now bygone’ thought just needs to be ‘dealt with’ by calming the mind back down at this escalating panic point (only you will know when this panic point is).

    Anything else re ”think of something else/youre fine..youre not going to die/God this is not right/Im never going to get out of this/”accept accept accept” are ALL ‘doing responses’ which will heighten the issue of this thought – and TENSE you up further.

    So, there is ONLY One ANSWER – each and every time you feel panicky – just calm your ‘intensing’ mind back down by letting the air OUT of that inflating balloon/not by further inflating it – it is a mental ‘awareness’ as ‘speaking it in your head’ will NOT be actually calming your mind back down.

    – if you dont – you will revolve around panic thought after panic thought – doing this..doing that. Putting our foot back on the pedal rather than taking it OFF it.

    Going WITH all these bad thoughts is what will happen if you deflate/calm/detense your mind at each of your ‘panic points’ – no matter HOW frequent and you will slowly re-train your mind by developing better habits.

    What will keep you going with this? Well, as Paul says re his waking problems – the fact that you will feel better makes it worthwhile as you have ‘released’ that unnecessary tension you felt tempted to stick with. The problem is of course that you really have to ‘break the chain’ to move away from your cumulative anxiety and this is that constant temptation to tense up.

    Think about it next time you panic – are you intensing? Do you believe you should keep doing this? Do you really want to give recovery a go? If so, then stick at this detensing/calming – each and every time, as the ONLY other alternative is to tense up and revolve around in that never ending panic circle.

    Oh and by the way, in time, like mine – those ‘issues’ WILL disappear – those office noises will become background noises and ok, we ‘may’ make momentary ‘controlling’ decisions, but more of that later – as ‘not panic reacting’ will see us stay ‘firmly’ in the moment – being more spontaneous, automatic and NATURAL and actually, in control the right way.

    The ONLY thing though we need ‘ever’ to consciously ‘address’ is that detensing/deflating when we feel panicky (I say ‘consciously’ address, because we are ‘already’ at a conscious panic point when we are panic tempted, so we have to ‘reverse’ this conscious tensing temptation) and, believe me, the ‘rest’ will all follow.

    This will be you in the full flow of your thinking – and NO – this will not be a perfect existence – there will always be good and bad thoughts and loads of bad thoughts when we are stressed/pressured, but you accepting that – to flow – you simply have to detense every time youre tempted to forcibly tense up, you will ‘then’ move in a positive natural ‘flow’ direction.

    So, it IS a separate tensing up/’after’ thinking process that becomes constant due to our misunderstanding.

    cheers and will answer here if needed! Will

  56. Paul David Says:

    Where Paul and I share so much ‘common ground’ on is this ‘doing’ thing which causes more problems even though we think this is the right thing to ‘rid us of our pain’.

    My next post will be on the above Will as I think it is a very important point.

  57. Caz Says:

    What techniques do people use when having a panic attack that you beleieve relaxes you and not masking the problem? e.g. breathing techniques, running? do run over the same thoughts over and over to let them have the space in your head, please let me know im finding it difficult to breathe let alone eat.

  58. Josh Says:

    Oops! Seems I’ve posted twice. Sorry….

  59. Sandeep Says:

    Paul, can we trouble you at some point to do a post on sleeping and how to deal with it in the face of acceptance and anxiety. My main problem is my subconcious jolts me with adrenaline sometimes. Thanks.

  60. Davidina Says:

    Hi everyone – Lindsey, I think Angela, Ruth and Will have answered a lot of your questions. I am still a novice, like yourself and don’t always know if I am accepting either. I try not to avoid either. I hate planning anything as I do worry although I’m not supposed to. It’s certainly not as bad as it used to be so I think I must be grasping something. My mind chatters a lot too. I can feel faint just thinking at times. I swim a lot too and find this relaxing, and good exercise. As for pushing yourself to (do) when you feel like resting, I must be honest and say I don’t know either. I do stuff too in spite of anxiety creeping in. Paul’s last comment says he will post on this too and I look forward to that. It’s all in the book, and I try to go with this. I accept that my stomach churns in the mornings – but sometimes it churns all day. It’s hard to ignore but I carry on as best I can. I think you are doing this too so only time will tell. Glad your mornings are better _ that’s progress – You sound more positive now – Well done. My shopping is better now. I used to have terrible anxiety when shopping. Going for a walk now along the river. Lovely. XX

  61. Paul David Says:

    Sandeep the sleep issue has been covered many times. Basically through our over active mind, be it worry/going over how we feel or excess adrenalin that makes it this way we can find sleep difficult, I did to. But the harder we try or the more importance we put on it, the harder it is. Your best atittude and what helped me is to say ‘I get however much sleep I get, if I drop of I do, if I don’t then so be it’ this very action cured me in time as it automatically relaxes you as you are putting no importance on sleeping or not. I would wake from time to time, but just let the body and mind go where it wanted to, back to no importance.


  62. angela Says:

    Hi Josh,

    I completely emphasise with the constant thinking you’re describing. I definetely had that as well, for ages, and I still get it or maybe not I’m not even sure. I used to contemplate my own brian thinking and seriously freak myself out about it. Also, the constant inner dialogue,so so so annoying and if it makes you feel even more anxious then it is so horrible. The advice I give you(sorry if you have heard it before) is to just go with it, let it do its thing. Let it chatter all day and all night if it wants to, I found that when I stopped tensing up against this particular problem it died down a lot. Just watch it chatter, you know why this is happening, because you have anxiety at the moment and this is just one of the symptoms. In time it will go away, the more space you give it, the less scared you become of it. And the less scared you become, the less it happens and you can think about other things and enjoy your life more. I also completely understand the time between sleeping and waking, you feel like you’re unsure if you’re sleeping or not but your mind is rambling away..I get this too, and I do exactly the same, I know this is a symptom and I don’t need to be scared or worried at all. I still get it, but I know what it is and it doesn’t start me worrying because I understand. I don’t know too much about depersenolisation, I get glimpses, but again, when I do/did, I understand that it is a symptom of anxiety and that if I leave it alone then it will fade in time.

    Also, I would like to share some more wisdom with you guys, I know if anyone has seen me post before, I am repeating myself. But I remember reading a post by candie a while ago and it made so much sense, any thought that makes you feel anxious can be regarded as an anxiety though, therefore you don’t need to take it serious. You can just disregard it. The best piece of advice I ever got(and all of this site) he he

    I hope everyone’s doing well/better


  63. Josh Says:

    Thanks Angela, that describes how I feel perfectly. I feel every sensation you mentioned everyday. Whew! I thought I was the only one. Especially the sleeping part, I’m not sure if I am asleep or awake but my mind just chatters and chatters until I get up. I will certainly take your advise and just let it chatter away. I think this is the last symptom I have that I wasn’t sure what to do with but what you and everyone else has said makes perfect sense. I know what it is and that alone will make a difference. Thanks again!
    My next paycheck I’m going to get Paul’s book. I don’t have the internet at home so I have to use it at work and when I am at home I don’t have anything to read on or about anxiety, so sometimes I feel pretty isolated. I actually look forward to coming to work now so I can read what people have written and me looking forward to going to work is already a change of pace LOL! Thanks.

  64. lindsey Says:

    Hi Angela

    thanks for your reply you have helped me to understand it better now. I used to think we had to decide whether to fight or flight!! silly me. I have read and re read it a few times now to help it sink in better thanks for taking the time out to help me. A big thank you also for the diffrent ideas for bedtime i am getting better at this like now for instance my partner is snoring besides me as i type ha ha. you have been a great help how are you doing? till next time. x

    Sandeep hi

    how you going with that first setback? hope you are managing well. Thank you for your advice and i will take it with me i like the bit about “just be” thats a good way of handling situations and i am getting better at not over thinking. thanks again take care. x

    Josh i would just like to say hi and i am also 6 months in and its the scariest thing that has ever happened to me and i have had two kids!!! LOL hope all is well or at least getting better. the book will really help you its very good. glad you are feeling better about work i have also just gone back to work and its starting to become easier though i find myself questioning my job now and whether i even like it but not paying to much attention to it and just getting through my working morning. welcome!

    Hi Davidina

    hope you enjoyed your walk! and you are enjoying the rest of your stay. I too also am looking forward to the next posting from paul sounds good. Shopping i dont like still and i a still wont go to far form home on my own for example a twenty min drive away to the shops on my own is still a no no and i sometimes even forget that i have this problem until i think i will do something then remember i cant!! how silly because i can i just need to prove it to myself but havent done it yet as i am nervous about it. i dont like being in the car for very long i get all agitated and even worse if get stuck in traffic. i think this comes down to the very beginning of this for me because we had a hour and ahalf drive to our holiday destination and it took forever to get there and back also on the way home and both trips were horrendous exsperiences for me and i think that that has something to do with it. Glad you made improvement on your shopping adventures well done. going to try and get some sleep till next time take care and stay strong

    lindsey XX

  65. christina Says:

    Thanks Will for your words. They are making more and more sense to me. I have hit a setback in my recovery and I see myself “wanting” to return to that obsessive thinking. It’s like a mental double take. I think something negative(fueled by anxiety) or positive, and then I go back into it with what you call a panic react/explain. It can all happen so fast, and it’s exhausting. And at the end of the day, all so unnecessary. It moves us out of the present world around us and puts us in our own heads-not in a good way. I appreciate and look forward to more of your insights. You and Paul are so complementary in your recovery approaches.

  66. Sandeep Says:

    Thanks Paul and others. There’s a lesson to be learnt in every question posed to Paul and others. The response is always, “So what. Let it be.” That sums it up. Now its time to train your mind to develop that attitude.

  67. Sandeep Says:

    Paul – did it take you a while to go from having “sayings” to developing an attitude of truly not caring? Was that transition a response to continually conditioning your mind? I find that I have one or two days where I can truly accept and others where I have to keep reminding myself to accept. Thanks.

  68. Judith Says:

    Hi – I have been reading this site for a while and it really helps. Have had severe anxiety since my son was born 6 months ago – which culminated a couple of months ago in depersonalisation – felt like I was walking around in a fog – not sure who I was and finding it difficult to function. I just tried to get on with things and feel a bit more like myself but now have got into a constant state of thinking that I can’t seem to get out of – Angela it is a little like you say I started to question how I actually thought and that my thoughts didn’t sound like my own, how do we talk what is life about etc – this has only happened the last few days and is really scary – keep trying to just get on with things but the thoughts just keep coming, tummy churning and constant panic, with my mind chattering all the time in the background – any help would be appreciated.

  69. Nina Says:

    Hey Everybody,
    I see alot of new people here. Im just here to say that what Will is saying its totally true., when suffering from anxiety we feel like we have to “do” something to stop it, when in reality all we have to do is nothing. We just have to let all these thoughts, feelings and emotions just flow through us without adding any extra worry to our selfs. When Will mention the example of a thought of dying (or something similar), that was me right there. A few months back I had a huge setbacks that left me with alot of panic, this all came from a thought that stuck to my head like glue. The thought of harming myself or not wanting to live send me on a panic mode for days, evrytime this thought came up (unwanted) my whole body would tense up, my chest will get tighten, my mind will race and i just felt like i was going through hell. This was all my body responding to a unwanted thought, that kept racing and racing and the more I dont wanted the more it stuck around, thats where the balloon metaphor comes in, i thought i had to “do” something about it, if i didnt get scared and reacted to the thought i would automatically panic more. I couldnt relax and this is when Candie (which I thank for the bottom of my heart) told me to just “accept” the thought, when she told me that I thought “how can I accept such a terrible thing?” I used to think that if I accepted the thought, the thought will consume me and get me to do something crazy, but on the contrary, by accepting that thought, I gave my brain time and space to move on and this thought was out of my head before i even notice.

    SO we dont have to “Do” anything we just have to flow through it all because by doing this the symptoms will dissapear, I promise you that. Listen to Paul and Will they know what they are talking about.hope this helped some of you, and I will be around for a few days if anybody have any questions,

  70. Mary Says:

    Thank you for your thoughts for this month. Just on target for me as I just cannot move away from continually analysing how I am feeling and whether my digestion is working or causing pain ( my main physical symptoms). I absolutely accept what you are saying but it is very tricky as it just does not feel good to be in this state and I long to be back to ‘normal’ when I will no longer be so self aware. I am sure it is patience and time but it is easier said than done sometimes!! However I keep perserving and it is so good to know that I am not the only one.

  71. C Says:

    morning all. After 5 days of pure hell, last night i felt like myself for a good few hours it was brill. Back to feelings in my stomach again this morning. Not having any crazy thoughts tho just the stomach churning as if to remind me. I dunno if it helped but yesterday I had 2 baths, my hair done and lots of 5in 5out breathing. Trying my best to let the anxiety have its space today because at the end of the day its just a product of my tired overworked (and underpaid!) mind. Thank for all your helpful comments x

  72. Judith Says:

    Hi – I have been reading this site for a while and it really helps. Have had severe anxiety since my son was born 6 months ago – which culminated a couple of months ago in depersonalisation – felt like I was walking around in a fog – not sure who I was and finding it difficult to function. I just tried to get on with things and feel a bit more like myself but now have got into a constant state of thinking that I can’t seem to get out of – Angela it is a little like you say I started to question how I actually thought and that my thoughts didn’t sound like my own, how do we talk what is life about etc – this has only happened the last few days and is really scary – keep trying to just get on with things but the thoughts just keep coming, tummy churning and constant panic, with my mind chattering all the time in the background – any help would be appreciated.

  73. Kate Says:

    Hi Nina

    Really like your post. I am having trouble with an obsessive thought and think the same as you did. I can’t accept it in case I actually carry it out and don’t seem to be able to stop myself fighting. I know I should just accept it but get so scared and can’t help thinking negative thoughts – what if this never goes (I have had it over a year now), what if I actually did this thing. I wonder if you could give me some advice on how to accept it as I don’t seem to be getting any better and scare myself even more with the what ifs. Any advice at all would be brilliant as it’s making me feel quite low and I know I’m not living me life the way I want to because of it.

  74. Davidina Says:

    Hi Ruth and Will – Ruth, you said in a previous post that Will’s book also gives good advice. Can you tell me what the title is. Thanks. I posted earlier this morning but it must have got lost somewhere. X

  75. simon Says:

    Hi everyone,i was wondering can anxiety cause 24/7 dizziness/light headed,chest discomfort and shortness of breathe? i have been experiencing this symptoms for the past 4 months now since my 1st panic attack which landed me at the ER,i had quite a few cardiac test at a local cardiology hospital but most test came out fine..cause i had a hard time believing all these nasty physical symptoms are from the head..i meant anxiety..

  76. Josh Says:

    Hi simon
    My anxiety actually started with dizziness. It stayed for about several months as well but it actually does go away. I felt dizzy and light headed all day everyday. It was really hard to deal with but as soon as a learned what it was ( or actually it was more like finally making myself realize what it was) it began to subside. I know its hard to believe that the mind can control the body this way but its most certainly true. I also had alot of cardiac tests as well and the doctor didn’t understand that I had anxiety or what exactly what it could do. They gave me medication and told me I had SVT which is a palpatation condition that is completley harmless and that I should just learn to deal with it. When the anxiety calmed down, the palpitations disappeared. I didn’t have SVT after all, it was anxiety. I think if you can recognize what it is that is causing this then your problems will most likely subside. It might take a while but try not to upset yourself when these problems happen even if it does happen all day. I hope this helped.

  77. Simon Says:

    Hi josh,yes ur rite the dizziness n chest discomfort are very annoying,esp the light headenes as it affect our balance so much and its so hard trying to live wit it,also been to see so many doctors and er trips,ecgs blood test all they said its normal,but yet i still have those symptoms ans the docs
    dun even had an answer to y i am feeling like dat for 24/7 sigh.. Btw how arw u feeling now? Still got those symptoms?

  78. Josh Says:

    Hey Simon.I no longer feel dizzy or have the heart problems and those took about 4 or 5 months to go away and what made me feel better was recognizing it as anxiety and even then I had to be very patient with myself. This site helped me alot. I just recently started posting but I have been reading what other people have written for about a month first. Knowing that other people felt the same way made me feel better. You’re right, the dizziness and light headed feeling is really hard to deal with. To me it feels like I am on a boat in the ocean always rising and sinking. I felt the that everytime I tried to walk straight I felt like a was off kilter or walking zig zag, and I would scare myself even further by thinking things like, “Is it a brain tumor? Or high blood pressure?” and even silly things like “Is one leg shorter than the other and that’s throwing off my equilibrium?” Silly, I know but I wanted an answer and my brain would fill the void. Right now my biggest problem is racing thoughts and I’m learning how to deal with that now. It seems to be working really well so far. My doctors didn’t know what to make of it either so you are definately not alone. Thanks for asking simon, i hope this loosens the burden some.

  79. T Says:

    ok anybody i NEED HELP!!! after doing better for a month and a half, I was not perfect, far from it, but I was in a comfortable place enough that I could sometimes relax and keep living/ It was ok and managable. Well today I Feel worse and more bizzare than EVER!!! i will try to explain.
    So I dont feel unreal it’s the opositte I feel so real that IT terrifies me. At the same time I feel distant from people and enverioment. Everything looks the same, people, buildings but at the same time it feels off. And I dont think its depersonalization because I had it before and it wasnt like this, i dont feel foggy or drowsy . So I’ll be sitting at front of the computer in my room and suddenly become so AWARE that I am here, I exist I am sitting at the computer. and then crazy thoughts come “what is a computer” life? how do I exist, how can I think?”. I also again have the problem with the mirror where I feel like I am looking at a stranger. I must say that I also cleared in my head that we do exist, this is our reality and thats it. but then again I wonder “what is reality” my parents how do they exist. and then the craziest thought popped in my mind ” what if I am scared of living and existing?” And then I was on the street and thought maybe I want to jump in front of a car, maybe death is not so scary. ( and death has ALWAYS been my biggest fear) And I had no emotion when I though about killing myself,its like I want something to happen to me because this is so AWFUL and SCARY AND CAN NOT BE EXPLAINED. I had similar feeling like this before but now its worse because of this thought that I am scared of existing. I also sometimes don’t feel my body when I brush my teeth I feel like I am not actually doing it. I know this sounds extremly weird and I cant exactly explain but i am terrified. I think I will be the first patient ever to go crazy from anxiety or kill myself. I cant eat again and cant sleep. I lay in bed and think “I am liening in my bed and this is reality but how,what is that, and then I start sweating and heart racing.” I do things I have to do,people have no idea what is going on, but I am going crazy. This is the most frightening and confusing thing ever and I had awful, scary feeling before. PLEASE HELP ME

  80. Colin Says:

    Just one or two things.I read quite frequently that transcendental meditation is very good for anxiety.Is it worth trying this or can i get better using Paul’s methods?
    Secondly i tend to get most symptoms in social settings,like in classrooms(im studying with the OU and go to tutorials now and then) or at meetings at work(im self employed in a market and meet with other stallholders and council workers).Ive been feeling very nervous lately and at times i feel a tingling in my toes and round my mouth,is this a panic attack?I dont feel like it is because i remember i hyperventilated once in my early 20’s and all my muscles went into a spasm.
    Finally,and i dont know why this is,but sometimes when i hear or see bad things( i saw a fight in a nightclub the other night) i feel a little guilty even though its nothing at all to do with me.Then i’ll think when i have become angry in certain situations would it be possible for me to become violent even though im quite passive.Hope this makes sense?

  81. Josh Says:

    Hey T,

    Wow, you have described the exact same symptoms I had the first time I ever had anxiety. It’s like the exact opposite of depersonalization (or so it seems, but honestly I don’t think it is). Everything seems so real as if reality it self has presented it to you in full force. It’s feels very existential and very scary. The thoughts were scary to me too. Not only did I have those thoughts (I still have them, everyone does, its just presented in full force now and multiplied by the extreme reality or super conscious feeling-see how these things work? everything self directed.). I remember even thinking to such extremes like ‘If everything is made up of atoms and i am made of atoms, then would it be possable to seperate our atoms and walk through walls?’ VERY SCARY….when you don’t know where there coming from, that is. And to have such deep thoughts while going through all this 24/7, its scary. And as far as going crazy and the hurting yourself and others ect, this is of course anxiety, if you thought them before and you thought them now, that is a good proof of what is, I think regardless of whats causing them. You are definately not alone in what you feel. When I would feel the way you are feeling now, I always remembered something someone said to me and that was “If you think your going crazy than you can’t be.” I hope this helps some because I know the exact thing your going through.

  82. scarlet Says:

    T, Josh,

    I had these exact same thoughts and feelings of awareness, constant brain chatter in fast/slow motion, dp 24/7 at times, it’s all part and parcel. No you are not going crazy nor will you, you need to dismiss these types of thoughts like all the other irrational thoughts… and like Will said above, you have to learn to stop going into secondary thinking, which is totally unnecessary and will keep you in an ‘anxious’ loop. So accept the irrational thought for what it is “utter rubbish” and don’t feel the need to analyse it any further. Yes you exist and yes you are recovering… and T you are recovering nicely despite this setback…

    “If you think your going crazy than you can’t be.” I hope this helps some because I know the exact thing your going through.”

    I took comfort in these words once as well, and it’s true, having anxiety didn’t send me crazy 😉 .

  83. Alex Says:

    Does anyone live in New York City? I am trying to start a support group.

  84. T Says:

    Josh, scarlet, thank you soo much for your answer. yes I agree it sort of oposite of depersonalization, like you are SO alert and aware and real yet something is scary and off about it. And then come thoughts about life in general. And life before this feels like a dream I even can think about events that happened 2,3 hours ago and they feel like some dream even though I was so alert then too. It so scary I want to burst out of my own skin. Sometimes I think and feel like clautrophobic, like my house is small is choking me, even outside, like I want to burst through the universe, that feeling. And my own home is so same and normal yet somehow strange ( but not depersonalization strange). To feel so real like you say yet at the same time feeling so odd. I’ve been like this past 5 days and I really don’t know how to handle this. I can’t talk to anyone, I can’t explain and they saw me doing well I dont want to worry them again. I would rather have other crazy and awful thoughts I had before ( and I had them soo many) or depersonalization because this is so scary, words can’t explain.

  85. Wayne Says:

    Now I am feeling the odd days of feeling strange and palpitations at night. My biggest issue now is overeating. When I feel strange I start to eat more or I will eat great all day except at night before bed. Then I get the worst stomach pains that go to my back. Any suggestions??

    I am still running 20-30km a week and I am feel good after. Sometimes I feel strange before I go running but always feel great after.

  86. Steve from Korea Says:

    Hi all,

    Does anyone know about Complex Regional Pain Syndrome? This is basically a chronic progressive disease characterized by severe pain, swelling and changes in the skin. I just watched a documentary on this and I was surprised by how one could unfortunately get this disease by just a small car accident or ankle sprain. Doctors don’t even know what actually causes this disease and there is no cure at all. The patients have to live with the severe pain in their body every day. After watching it, I was overwhelmed with scary thoughts like “what if I have this disease after I sprain my ankle somehow?” and also like “Oh no, this scary thought will stick in my mind again…I don’t want to live like this”. Honestly, I could tell that I was on my way to recovery as I followed Paul’s technique. I went thorugh a couple of setbacks and I was becoming me again. But then all of sudden, it feels like I have hypochondriasis now….I don’t know how to cope it this time. I feel like I am back to square one or even worse.. Can anyone help me?

  87. Nicola Says:

    Hi there,

    I have a bit of a question…so far have been following this site and Paul’s book since July last year…making very slow progress but I’m beginning to see that I am improving and I’m not despairing as I was back then. I’m pretty sure I get the gist of it all and have accepted all the dud feelings (mental and physical) and I’m mostly managing to dismiss negativity and ‘what ifs’.

    My question is that I’m wanting to try a binaural beat audio meditation programme. I’m not doing it to get rid of anxiety but to improve my awareness and ability to deal with day to day stresses. My tendency to get stressed out is what started all this to begin with. I know that we can retrain our brains to new ways of thinking and reacting but this programme claims to speed up the process somewhat…

    The hiccup is that I’m scared to use it due to all the anxiety caused what if thoughts like ‘what if it messes up my mind?’ ‘what if i get strange trippy experiences i can’t handle?’ or ‘what if it makes me worse?’. Written down they sound kind of irrational but maybe I am right to be wary?. My idea was to wait until I’m recovered and see how I feel about it then – would I be too scared then? If not then it would be OK. On the other hand I don’t want to put anything off because of anxiety – I haven’t put anything else off for after recovery because I know this is not the way to recover.

    Put it this way – before anxiety I would have done it no worries but also before anxiety I would have experimented with party drugs but I know I won’t be doing that again!

    So any words of advice from any seasoned campaigners? Any negative experiences from biaural beat meditation in particular the well known popular brand marketed on the internet?


  88. Nicola Says:


    My advice to you would be to think to yourself ‘oh well if I developed that condition then I would be able to handle it’ then don’t take it any further. A bit later on you may have the same thought, feel the rush of adrenaline and the panic but have the same attitude of ‘so what’ – you may have to do this many times…Don’t try not to think about it but let it happen and fall back on ‘if it happens it happens I can deal with it’ attitude 😉


    You said that after your run you feel much that tells you that its the adrenaline in your system giving you the strange feelings. Try to accept that fact (even while your hating it). Try to believe that is what’s happening and just carry on with the feelings being there and you knowing why they are.

    Warm regards,

  89. scarlet Says:

    Hi Steve,

    I think we have all been in a position where we were affected by something we watched on TV/read in the news, thinking we might have this, that and the other condition. How would I handle it, what if??? etc. My approach these days, being recovered would be, never heard of this condition, don’t feel the need to google it to find out anymore about it, if I develop it (or anything else for that matter) I will deal with it as and when it happens… and then I move on. Nicola’s advice is spot on.



    When I look back at feelings like you describe I think it all as fascinating, how the mind works… it’s amazing, you will feel like this one day. For the time being, float on by (as Claire W, would say). Allow yourself to feel like this without analysing why, and know it will pass as well.. it’s only a feeling, nothing more. Carry on as normal with this odd sensation in the background.

  90. lindsey Says:

    Hi scarlet

    i hadnt realized you were recovered well done and whats it feel like ha! do you not realzie it and then one day you just think i havent been like that for ages now i must be recovered or is it something else. i know this might be hard to answer so dont worry if you feel you cant. reading your post above i have too sufferer with the whole hearing things on the news and tv but the bit where you say ” i will deal with it as and when it happens is a goog theory i am now going to adopt thanks again

    Lindsey x

  91. Nina Says:

    Hi Kate,
    Im glad You like like my post :-) and that it somehow helped you.
    My best advice for you will be to just flow through it, let it be there in the back of your mind nagging at you and just continue with the rest of your day. EVen though you have had this thought for a while it will go away if you just accept it and let it go, and know in your heart that you wont carry out that bad thought. Hoped this helped you Kate and just have faith (faith to me is something that you cant see but that is somehow there and that you just have to believe to be able to experience it, its like the end of the tunnel;you cant see it but its there).

  92. Nina Says:

    Hey T,
    Honey you are having a setback (hate those things). You are going to be fine just flow through it like Scarlet said. I have actually had this, its almost like you are too self aware and questioning existing (I call this a phylosophical state, where you just question life period.) after the DP where i was dizzy (a drunk dizzy) all the time i went through seeing things too clearly, almost like I was wearing high defenition glasses or something, the day and the night were tooo clear for my eyes. Again your going to be fine and just let thise thoughts go on on the back of your head and tell your self that your going to be ok in a few days :-)
    Hope this helped.

    Alez, I live in New York City :-)


  93. Caz Says:

    Had a horrific day yesterday I actually thought I had lost the Plot. Nicki your advise was great about the the adrenalin shots ive actually printed it out and put it in my diary its a simple and easy way to look at it. thanks.

    My problem now is the feeling in my stomach, the thoughts only come after this feeling is there!!!!! I think im not anxious about being anxious!!! I would really apprecicate it if someone could advise me. Im trying to follow Paul Davids method of letting the thoughts in and having their space and it seems to work because i start drifting off to other things. The problem is the adrenaline shoots. I get them every 5 mins and cant stop them, im trying to live with them but I cant eat or even hold a decent conversation with someone. :(((

    I also feel better when doing a task and running but when I get in the car or when im on my own im back to feeling nuts again. Is it ok to think well im anxious ”live with it”. Im not sure how long I can go on with these feelings in my stomach.

    also sometime i seem to remind myself im anxious by say looking at a person and thinking, i wonder if they ave anxiety and that sets my stomach off again!!!!!!! Hope someone can help me, my poor boyfriend feels as if he lost me.

  94. Eileen Says:

    just wanted to say that I have been experiencing these horrible stomach feelings for the past few months. Wake up with them, and they continue to various degrees throughout the day. The anxiety and tension runs through my body, lessening and increasing at times.

    I know what you mean – it is so frustrating having to put up with all of this. I go from feeling lightheaded, having tension headaches etc etc from one week to the next..

    Continuing to keep myself busy, walking, yoga, babysitting, pub quiz, cinema. Keeping the faith hoping that one day it will all pass, and can enjoy my life without anxiety.

    Trying not to pay these feelings and thoughts too much attention, but not easy is it?.. Difficult to explain to people who have not suffered with anxiety..Thats why its good to have this site to relate to.

    Hope this helps. Eileen

  95. C Says:


    Thanks for your reply, im trying my best to say to them stay there then I dont care, but the heart of the problem is that I do I want them to go away so bad. But once again its only letting them be that will help if yano what I mean. I really really know how it is for you and believe me when I say you are not alone, its the worst feeling ever and no one can relate around me because they have no idea what its like. Do you find that for about 5 mins your fine then u ur stomach goes again because you relalise u forgot u were anxious??

    Im so glad your still enjoying your life I really am trying but find it hard to hold conversation when my stomach does this crazy flip every 5 mins. The only consolation I have is that I had this before but only for about 2 days and it wasnt as bad, now the thoughts that made my stomach go then dont actually make me stomach go now, therefore my brain has actually come to terms with that thought and its not scary no more.

    Im trying not to say to myself this will pass in about a week, im saying it will pass but at the moment im living with it like a bad flatmate who wont be there forever. Only I can change the way I feel. Only I have the power, the people and things around us wont change its the way we think. Ive got a four days off work next week and I cant work out if thats a good thing or not, going to go for a massage, walks and maybe out somewhere for the day change of scenary, not running away just something new to occupy my mind. Also Eileen when we do all these things do you think we are avoiding the feelins or living with them? Thanks again x

  96. Kate Says:

    Hi Nina

    Thanks for your reply. Was having a really bad day yesterday and needed a bit of reassurance. Today is much, much better – I am accepting the thought and feeling and just carrying on with my work. It’s the ups and downs that do my head in.

    Thanks again x

  97. Ruth Says:

    Hi T, Josh and Scarlet

    You have ALL explained what I have been suffering from!!

    I thought I was alone in this. I didn’t think I had depersonalisation because people usually describe their feelings as unreal, when I always had thoughts of being, as T says, feelings of being real. however, these thoughts are part of the depersonaisation disorder!

    Along with Paul’s book I got a self help book on DP published by the Maudsley Hospital in London and an e book by Shaun O’Connor, they have been a great help.

    My extreme awareness of my own existence began when I was quite young. I think it may have occurred during a panic attack. I remember being very frightened and to make sense of this strange feeling I thought I was scared of being me! I tried to explain these thoughts/feelings to my parents, but they did not understand and laughed at me. I think they thought this was the best way of dealing with it! So I kept these thoughts to myself and pushed them to the back of my mind.

    Amazingly I have lived under this misconception all my life, I am now 51! Only over the last couple of months have I realized I suffer from DP and it is when I have this condition that these thoughts hae their greatest impact. So, when I was not suffering from DP I could say, I am really here, this is me I exist etc etc and not react to them. However deep down I used to think I was afraid of them but I must be doing a pretty good job in suppressing the fear. What I didn’t know then was that it wass only when I was suffering from Anxiety/DP that these thoughts had the greatest impact!

    With all this information to hand I am now beginning to understand what is going on. So I am coping by living with these thoughts beside me. Getting on with my life. doing things I enjoy and I am definitely feeling much better!! I can’t say I totally understand everything however as in my previous posts I think it is all to do with our senses not being as they should so the “significance” of things becomes much more intense than it should be. I understand what Will says by not “doing” It’s difficult to establish when we are running “with” your thoughts and feelings or running “away” from them sometimes. I let my thoughts stay with me, I welcome them and accept them as part of my DP and get on with what ever I am doing. I still have some way to go but I’m getting there!

    T please be reassurerd thst your suffering is coming from your DP. Your DP is making you think the way you are at the moment. As soon as you are better, and you will be, you will be thinking what was all that about? Why did I have such thoughts? People who never suffer from anxiety have exactly the same thoughts like Will said above you are not unusual it’s just the DP that makes you react to them in such a way. If you follow what Paul, Will Josh and scarlet have said you will get there.

    Keep me updated on your progress I know exactly what you are going through!!!! I’m not on line everyday but will catch up when I can.

    Best Wishes.

  98. T Says:

    hey everyone thak you for ypur answers, they mean so much to me. Well I just got back from my psychiatrist and not only that she did not make me feel better she made me feel ANGRY!!!!

  99. T Says:

    hey everyone thak you for ypur answers, they mean so much to me. Well I just got back from my psychiatrist and not only that she did not make me feel better she made me feel ANGRY!!!!

  100. T Says:

    sorry accidently pressed “submit comment” I will continue..
    So I tried to explain to her the feeling I had past 5 days that I wrote about on previous posts, about life reality and all that stuff and she keep saying that I should try and find answers for those question. I told her there are no answers that are 100 % true, no one really knows what is life how and why we exist. And I told her if I start searching for those answers I will only make myself feel worse and more confused and in the end of the day I dont give a damn about all that, I just want to STOP thinking about it and STOP feeling these way and be like average person walking down the street with normal thoughts about work, family and other “normal everyday stuff”. Then she called me a big child. I mean cmon. Yes I am young, maybe still a child, but I am child who is going through something that no person deserves to to ever go through. She told me I am not getting better because I dont want to??!! are you kidiing me??? I would give my left arm to be normal again. God this is so frustrating and depressing and awful. We are so misunderstood that is so sad so sad, we only have each other,

  101. lisa Says:

    t, you are also say i just want to stop thinking about it and feeling this way. its an old saying “i dont want to think about pink elephants”!!!. so what if it comes and your mind thinks of it, let it but let it also have to feel these feelings to not be frightened anymore of them for them to be able to will be thinking of “normal everyday stuff” but there popping in and out, your not noticing, your focused on how your feeling, so let it in, let it go. nice post by the way will :-)

  102. Candie Says:

    T, what you describe is depersonalisation.. as for thay psych.. get rid! Now i wouldnt normally advice people on seeing doctors etc, but its blatently obvious this one doesnt know there stuff at all! Anyone, with any kind of obsessive thought will never find the correct rational answer until the anxiety has lowered as the anxiety supresses the rational side of the brain.. we follow the alarm bells instead of the rational truth.. its built into us when anxious so you do right in telling the psych. For a start she shouldnt be calling you a little kid either, report her if you can and find someone who your more comfortable with as you will get no joy from her!

  103. T Says:

    lisa thank you for your support. candie the sad thing is that out of the all other doctors I’ve been to she is the best. Sometimes she has some good advice but sometimes she just doesn’t get it. All of the others were even worse and had no idea about anxiety and seemes so uniterested. And honestly I am sick of trying to find a good doctor for anxiety because they dont understand this, no one can, only us who experinced it.
    Nina I like how you say dp feels “drunk dizzy”. that is the same thing I say when I try to explain my friends that dp feels like you are drunk or high 24/7 and that doesnt seem so bad to I even remember the first time I got drunk, I felt dp, of course I had no idea what it is and I knew its because of alcohol so it didn’t bother me.

  104. Candie Says:

    T, personally.. i wouldnt say you needed a doctor.. as anxiety isnt something that they can cure, the only thing anyone else can do to help you is point you in the right direction. I mean the best you will get out of a doctor is what you have herd here.. and even then theyd have to be top of the scale anxiety specialist. The best advice i could ever give anyone is to just sit for half an hour and allow anxiety to throw anything at you, thoughts, feelings, DP.. then watch it peak, then calm down and you will lose fear of it. Anxiety is the symptom of stress, our suffering comes from battling with it thats why its no use trying to figure out the anxiety.. may aswell give up the battle with yourself!

    Would like to add though that if you feel a doctor is right for you then always go with your own instinct :)

  105. Alex Says:

    Nina, You live in NYC? We should talk!

  106. Judith Says:

    Hi just wanted some help about the thoughts I keep getting – keep over analyzing everything in my mind – to the point where i was even thinking about the essence of been alive and being me if that makes sense which really scared me and set me into panic. So when I read I think how can I read – it’s like I am trying to listen to the voice in my head which then sets me into panic as well, as I start to question who I am. As said in earlier post have suffered with anxiety most of my life but has been really bad since the birth of my son 6 months ago, had pretty bad depersonalisation which has lifted a little but left me with these awful questioning thoughts. Finding it really hard to deal with .

  107. scarlet Says:


    What you are hearing from your doc is all book read, I remember being told a variety of similar things, “pull yourself together”, “you are not getting well because you don’t want to”, “stop acting like a baby”. I was told these by medical professionals dealing with anxiety and depression no less. To be honest I have no faith in doctors, they drug folks up, give you book based answers which are no use, and send you on your way feeling deflated, as if no-one in the world can help you. I haven’t met one medical professional that knew as much as the folks on here, or were as knowledgeable as Paul David, Claire Weekes, Richard Carlson and Will Beswick.

    “So I tried to explain to her the feeling I had past 5 days that I wrote about on previous posts, about life reality and all that stuff and she keep saying that I should try and find answers for those question”

    This is totally the wrong approach and something you must not do. You will never find answers to irrational questions like this, and will become more anxious. I often wonder if some medical professions want to keep you more anxious so you will keep going to them and they can be kept in a job!!!

    I am not suggesting you stop going to the doc if she makes you feel better in any way, but I can tell you wholeheartedly that if you follow what you read on here, then you will recover fully. This is a tried and tested method 😉

  108. Nina Says:

    Hey T,
    lol, thats exactly how i felt, like i was drunk dizzy and the world was going round and round and it couldnt hold still. I agree with candie when she said that what your experience is depersonalization. Ive had all types of symptoms of depersonalization (from feeling unreal and stuck in a dream, to being too aware of my existence and seeing things too brightly). It all falls under depersonalization. Please, dont feel amaze by these new syptoms, its all the same thing anxiety. Everyday i experience different things, sometimes I confuse reality with a dream that i have and it freaks me out a bit for a few minutes, sometimes I have weird dreams, but I try to not get “obsess” with these curves that get thrown at me by regular day life, and Im getting really really good at dismissing things like this and I feel like anxiety doesnt control my life like it did a few months ago. A few days ago, i was sleeping and woke up in a complete panic, instead of obsessing about it guess what i did, I calmed down and went right back to sleep, if i would have stayed up and think about “Why” this happen then i would have stayed up all night. Think about it from this point T, You can spend your whole life wondering what is going on with you or you can keep on living with all these mixed up feelings and emotions on the side. Thousands of people have live with anxiety for many years thinking that they are going to “loose it”,orgo crazy” without realizing that if they havent “lost it” or “gone crazy” over the years then that means that its not going to happen. The symptoms that they experience is from making their mind sick with worry and this worry manifesting itself in different ways like headaches, chest pains and stomachaches to name a few. STOP worrying about the “NEW” symptoms that come up and do as Scarlet advice and follow everything you have read here so that you cna recover with time. ALso instead of seeing a psychiatrist why dont u see a psychologist or a therapist, they are much more understanding and they can really help you get out there all thats bottled inside of you.

    Im soory for writing soo much but I really need you to understand that you are fine and that theres nothing wrong with you, you are just going through a phase so give your self a break. THIS ALSO GOES TO EVERYBODY IN THE SITE.
    Hope this helped

    Alex, we should deffenitely talk. I live in the upper manhattan.


  109. C Says:

    Scarlet Great advice. T, I believe the only person who is going to help you is yourself, you are the only person in control of your mind. Im slowly SLOWLY coming to terms with just letting thoughts in, they are not nice and letting them through constantly is tiring. I wake up every morning and say to myself, its fine to feel like this, its not forever. At the moment im talking to my dad who is a recovering alchoholic, he seems to understand how im feeling as he used to have anxiety after binges. The only people who seem to understand anxiety are the people who have experienced it themselves as they know how difficult it is. Do you Have pangs in your stomach alot?

    I had a better day yesterday, maybe one hour or pure anxiety in the morning and one at night, but i let them have me. At least it wasnt all day. Today it seems to be there all day but just not as bad. Does anyone think that getting on with my work and doing activities is just a way to avoid these feelings? as it seems to be times when im relaxing that I get them!!! Which is what i oviously need to do! :( cant quite work it out.

    Nina exactly the same as you constant ups and downs!! and it seems these pangs in my stomach keep reminding me that im anxious not me!!

  110. Alex Says:

    Hey Nina, Send me an email.

  111. Alex Says:

    Nina, what is your email address?

  112. C Says:

    Breakthrough!! – Jolt in stomach reminds me of horrible thoughts therefore further anxiety. Going to train brain when I get the jolt for no reason, im going to think of something great like New York. God knows if this will work…..

  113. T Says:

    guys I appreciate your advices more than you know but this is NOT DEPERSONALIZATION!NO WAY! I had it before many times,this is not it ,I know. I just want to die, I cant take this anymore but at the same time I am afraid of death. I will “live” like this and then die and that is so terrifying. I dont know what the hell is going on ,this cant be anxiety, I think no one felt like this. I had many symptoms and they did always seem like anxiety, but this is not it. I can function and do everything but dont know for how long. I want to scan my brain to see if anything is wrong but I cant tell my parents what I am feeling I will worry them again but I am afraid I will brake. I ‘ve been saying to myself “this too shall pass like evreything else,calm down” but this is not going away. Its like the realization that I am alive is scaring me. Then I thought maybe I am afraid of existing??? but I am not, I mean I would give anything to feel like before, But this feeling is killing me. I lost weight.
    Its like almost feels normal, everything looks and feels the same when I was feeling normal but at the same time everything is wrong. I even started thinking how great it would be if I could have amnesia and forget about these things and start a new life. I even tell to myself” so my parents had me, gave birth, I am here now, living like everybody else, Dont know what is life but who cares enjoy it. ” but it helps for a second and then bam. It like a nightmare that feels one 100% real and the same like before but it isn’t the same. I was sitting yesterday in my bed, listening to the music and felt like that, so aware, so real, so weird, so scared, trapped. I can’t find anything on internet about this, this is maybe a new disease that no one had before. I would even like to feel like before with dp or scary thoughts but not this. I am sorry for this negative post but I am alone. I dont know what to do. How the hell can I ignore this?? Please. I will leave my email if anyone wantss to talk or has an advice.

  114. scarlet Says:


    Look back at your post around 6-8 weeks ago when you were describing a different (yet still disturbing sensation of numbness/emotionless) . Remember you also thought you were never going to come through this sensation, yet the worst passed and you had a few good weeks, even were talking about dating.

    I promise you what you are feeling is part of anxiety, I had EXACTLY what you describe, and like you I became afraid and the sensation intensified for a while. It’s a heightened sense of awareness where you can’t help but question your existence, the meaning of life. This is all connected with anxiety, and it will pass as soon as you stop fearing it. You are recovering nicely, only you don’t see it yet because you are fearful of your thoughts. They are only thoughts, they can’t hurt you, …. Accept that you feel this sensation of heightened awareness and for the time being you are going to carry on with normal life and feel all sensations. You can do it hun, and if you want to email me, I can pass you my details…

    Hang in there


  115. Lotty Says:

    You might not know me but I used to comment on this site a while back when I was suffering badly, and also times when I was feeling better to try to encourage others. I just want to let you know that you are not alone, many people have felt like you do now, REALLY. The first thing you have to realise is that you’re NOT going to ‘break’ and you’re not going to lose control. I’ve heard said many times that the very fact that you’re thinking you’re going mad is a sure sign you aren’t; never a truer fact been spoken. Believe me when I tell you that I have had symptoms as terrifying as yours and I’m still here. Absolutely NOTHING you have written surprises me. And also believe me when I tell you that I have felt these terrifying sensations, and then felt almost at peace a few hours later. When you feel like this, I know it is almost impossible to ‘ignore’ it, but you need to start recognising that what you are experiencing are just thoughts, and they cannot kill you. Try not to add fuel to their fire by believing that this is you forever – it’s not. It’s impossible, life is changing continuously, and so are you. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to feel better instantly, just take each day, each hour as it comes for the moment.

  116. Jo Says:

    Hi Caz,

    My name is Jo, i’ve not posted on here for a while but i do check in from time to time. Thought i was pretty much recovered but have hit a set back seemingly out of nowhere, so have come back here to refresh my memory on what it’s all about. Been reading everyones posts and my heart goes out to everyone, i really do believe this is the best place for peope to find the support they need through anxiety.

    You wrote…
    ‘Breakthrough!! – Jolt in stomach reminds me of horrible thoughts therefore further anxiety. Going to train brain when I get the jolt for no reason, im going to think of something great like New York. God knows if this will work…..’

    Can you see that by trying to think of something good, you are ‘trying’ when what you really need to do is nothing. You are fighting it, i know it’s hard, it seems like the hardest thing in the world at times but once you start to stop fighting it does get easier i promise.

    I found what will wrote previously about when you get thoughts and tensing your body really helpful (i can’t remember it well enough to quote though) but what i’ve found helpful for me is that when thoughts come and that jolt comes i’ve really allowed my body to relax instead of tensing, not in a fighting way just a split second acknowledgement, untensed and allowed the thought to be there, by not tensing against it, it’s allowed me to relax and those jolts to lesson. I hope that doesn’t sound too complicated, it’s a funny old thing to explain. It’s gave me my appetite back anyway!:-)

    I wish you all the best and am happy to help in anyway i can for you or anyone.


  117. Candie Says:

    T that is depersonalisation, iv had it like that before too.. i used to look at myself and think god im real, im someones mother, id question silly things like how my computer works or the internet and get into deep thought about it. I got it from tiring my mind badly, as soon as i stopped doing that it went away. Depersonalisation isnt necasarily about feeling unreal, its disasociation and if you mix that with a good dose of hyperawareness you get what your experiencing now. Sort of a dejavu with yourself constantly

  118. Nina Says:

    T, you need to calm down. what you have is in fact Depersonalization. Even though you are experiencing symptoms different from what you experience in the beggining, this is Depersonalization. You need to be more patient, you are blowing things way out of proportion, when you feel like this try to do breathing excersices and positive self talk, plus you need to be more patient, stop thinking that this is your dead end because its not. you are 20 years old, you are still young, you just have to accept that your are going through some hard stuff and that you are going to be fine in the long run. listen to Scarlet, candie and me, we have been through hard things with anxiety, theres nothing wrong with your brain. hope this helps


  119. Nina Says:

    Alex I email you, My email is

    Lotty is nice to see you around. You were soo nice to me back then when i was in the early stages of my anxiety

  120. selma Says:

    rachel- thank you for your post. appreciate that. i am starting to believe a little more that it is truly just anxiety, which is a big step for me. i had a huge week last week where i felt i made big progress. one of my biggest fears is marijuana b/c i got my first panic attack after smoking. it was truly horrific. well, i had a crazy experience a few days ago where a friend of mine mistakenly took her husband’s medical marijuana tabs and had a crazy freak out. this sort of thing would have normally sent me into a complete tail spin. it used to be that i could not even speak of marijuana without the panic setting in. i had my best friend calling me, describing in great detail, her paranoia and anxiety as it was happening! and i actually was OK! it was a huge lesson for me because i realized something super important. she woke up the next morning and was fine, she had but the bad experience behind her and didn’t even care to speak about it- whereas, when it happened to me, i ruminated on it and brought myself back to the experience over and over and over. i realized taht we both had the same initial reaction, the panic, but then she just took it for what it was, a bad pot experience. for me it escalated into- what if i went crazy? what if it means x or y or z? i realized that my very-together friend had the same panic but then just let go of it. something in me really just clicked. not to say i’m perfect, but i think it was a hurdle…

  121. selma Says:

    T- totally been there. had all those thoughts. many times. the fact that you are having those thoughts and THINK they are strange tells me it’s anxiety. if you were crazy, you would come on here and write something like “i am floating above the earth like an alien” or whatever… it’s all your reactions and responses to your weird and scary thoughts. that’s anxiety. i’m starting to really get this.

  122. Judith Says:

    HI I really need help – got to the point now I am almost afraid to think – like I don’t know how to think and my thoughts are too loud. Really scarying me as feel like I have forgotten how to think normally. Can anyone help.

  123. Nina Says:

    Hi Selma,
    I developed anxiety after smoking marijuana too. My experience was soo horrible that it stayed with me for many many months, I was even afraid to be next to ppl that smoked it and went into a panic mode when I or anybody talked about it. I went through sooo many symptoms, that it was crazy, I had the whole DP and I just couldnt get over the smoking weed thing, now im much much better and im happy that everything I have learn here have helped me get better almost back to my old self :-)
    if you ever want to talk about your experience let me know

  124. Nina Says:

    Alex I emailed you :-)

    Lotty is nice to see you around. You were soo nice to me back then when i was in the early stages of my anxiety

  125. lindsey Says:

    Hi Everyone

    Just wanted to say a BIG happy good friday to you all and have a great easter weekend whatever you are doing and dont eat to many eggs!!!! Remember however you are feeling to just let it be and go with the flow. Have fun

    love to all

    Lindsey XXX

  126. lindsey Says:

    Hi Davidina

    How are you? wishing you a great weekend and a happy easter. would be lovely to hear from you if you get five minutes take care till next time

    Lindsey X

  127. Jo Says:

    Hi Judith,

    I went through the exact same feelings your having now, that all my thoughts shout SO loud, and you tense you body against them and the surge of adrenaline comes and the cycle begins. I thought i was going mad and i knew i just wasn’t able to think normally.

    I know it gets said so many tims on here but you really need to let it all wash over you, let the thoughts come and shout. Without tensing against them and trying to do anything about them they lose some of that power over you. The more you do this the easier it becomes and it becomes your new habit to just let them be there. Because your not fighting them you’re not keeping yourself in that cycle and those adrenaline surges in your tummy subside and the whole thing gets easier.

    I hope that helps, there’s thousands of us out there who have felt just the same as you do now, you’re not alone. :-)


  128. Johnny Says:

    Hi everyone,

    My symptoms are prety much gone. I just has the thoughts all day. Its like my mind never stops. It get me down alot. Its been automatic almost. Never stops just keeps going. Its been like this for a over 6 months. Its also alot of repetive thought also. This is the last to go so Im hoping. Any words would be greatly appreciated. Thanks paul, scarlett, and candie ahead of time. You guys are great thank you!

  129. T Says:

    guys I can not describe how thankful I am for your support and understanding. But you know its not just the thoughts its the feelings. Even when I was better for a month I had thought but when you feel weird thats what scares you the most.
    Today i woke up and feel normal, Like I felt before BUT I still have that thoughts and feelings like yesterday,yesterday I even thought “maybe death doesn’t exist and life doesnt exist and nothing exist but of course someting must exist” ahh it terrifying.
    What scares me noe is that feeling normal feels so scary. Like imagine one day before all this anxiety started, waking up and start feeling scared and cofused about your whole life, your existance, EVERYTHING! this is truly most confusing thing ever that I cant even explain well, there are no words! And llike life in genral is like a motion a movie or something, every day you wake up and go to sleep and do that year after year until you die.– Scarlet you can send me an email cause I dont have yours , and ANYONE who wants to talk can send me an e-mail. hugs to all.

  130. T Says:


  131. Davidina Says:

    Hi Lindsey – Just leaving now for home – Won’t be home until around 8 o’clock. Looking forward to hearing how you have been doing. Have a great weekend everyone. Happy Easter. XX

  132. Josh Says:

    Hi T, I absolutely promise you what you feel is anxiety. I cannot reiterate enough that I know exactly how you feel. I felt EXACTLY like that word for word. Sensations are a strange thing and I GUARANTEE you I felt them too. You havent said (and trust me i know words don’t justify the feelings you have, you might even think to yourself like I did, ‘these aren’t feelings there something else, which is not true) anything I haven’t been through. Don’t give up! The famous saying ‘That what does not kill me makes me stronger’ has never been more appropriate here and the beauty is that it not only CANNOT hurt you but can only but makes you understand things that most others cannot. When you hear other people talk about the same problems you are having now ( and you will.TRUST ME you are NOT the only one) you can give them great comfort just letting them know that you have been there too. You might think no one could understand what you feel, you might even feel like no one could know, but I promise you everyone on this site does.

  133. Josh Says:

    Oh and also the compulsive deep thinking is only frightening because of the sensations associated with it. I remember thinking such thoughts as ‘If an atom is so small could it contain an entire universe inside of it full of planets, people, creatures, ect…. and does that universe contain atoms too? If so, is it possible that those atoms have universes as well?’ Strange how everything I thought about was either macroscopic or microscopic but strange thoughts indeed when you cant controll them and the feeling associated with it is scary. To be honest with you everytime I would think a thought like this it felt sort of like someone ringing a bell in my head and the vibration would go through my whole body. You might not have felt that way but we all experience diffrent sensations with diffrent things. How could someone with anxiety have these thoughts and not feel some kind of strange feelings or sensations? Btw I have the same thoughts now (intentionally) and not only do they not bother me but It definately gets creative juices flowing.

  134. T Says:

    I wil post again because my comment is not showing up. its not just the thought that bother, I had thoughts even when I was doing better it THE FEELINGS that scare me. yesterday I even thought “what if death doesnt exist and therefore life doent exist and nothing exists but I eiat but how but maybe I dont”. all that while feeling real and normal like before but at the same time not normal.
    Today I feel normal like before all this but these thoughts and feelings still come. Imagine one day when you were normal without anxiety and suddenly you start feeling and questioning your whole existance, your llife. And life feels like a motion, like amovie, you wake up, then go to sleep and year after year like that. That thought feels like its choking me. I justa cant explain enough. please let me know does my comment show

  135. T Says:

    my email is Anyone who wants to talk or chat can contact me

  136. Natalie Says:

    Hi, This is my first time visiting the website and I’m so glad I found it. I’m 19 and first started with anxiety just before my final A Level year (almost 2 years ago now). I started Cambridge last year and had to leave 6 weeks in as my anxiety had caused me to suffer with agoraphobia and stupidly, I thought it would go away if I started something new. Needless to say it didn’t work and now I feel worse than ever most days-I can’t leave the house by myself and I’m terrified I might be like this forever.

    Anyway…I was feeling so close to going to my doctor and accepting the pills she has offered me as I am so impatient and want to feel like myself again. Even though the one thing I never wanted to do was begin to rely on tablets as I never want to become reliant on them. The website has given me the belief that the best form of recovery will come from within and I can definitely do it if I allow myself the time and space to. This post is useful as I always hang on to my morning thoughts and find myself adding to those symptoms through the day.

    My worst symptom and fear is a feeling of being ‘off balance’, I have a fear of fainting so when I tense my body or breathe irregularly and send myself dizzy or off balance I feel so scared. I’ll continue to visit the site and hopefully I can start recovering-best wishes to anyone going through the same and thanks to the creator of the site.

  137. Ruth Says:

    Hi T,

    Ruth here.

    Sorry to see things not going well for you. As said before just hang on in there. It is Depersonalisation DP comes in many forms this is one of them.

    I am going through the same thing, I can’t understand a lot of what is going on either. My “reality” thing is still in my head. I get totally fed up with it, but I am not reacting to it as much.

    Are you doing the things you enjoy? Do something you do and try to just let the thoughts be there, don’t chase them away. Not easy but it does work, it’s working for me.

    It wasn’t instant, a couple of weeks ago I couldn’t talk to anyone or go out of the house, I felt like I had been thrusted into reality and I was frightened of existing, but now I’m it’s not so bad I’m talking to people again and going out.

    Don’t rush to get better accept this is you for now

    All the very best to you

  138. christina Says:

    Could seriously use some encouragement now. I hit a setback a while ago, and have gotten myself too worked up. I am reacting to negative thoughts, and letting things bother me! If anyone else is in a setback or came through one, could you please offer your wisdom. I really know better, it’s just that the adrenaline that is flowing is making it difficult to practice what I’ve learned!

  139. Candie Says:

    christina, just allow yourself to have this hightened reaction and watch it come and go.. get comfortable with been uncomfortable if that makes sense! Allow the reaction, as your reaction cant be helped atm if anxiety is high just dont worry, obsess and panic over the reaction.

  140. Candie Says:

    Natalie, going of balance is really common with anxiety, i had it loads! What you have to do is allow yourself to feel that feeling when you go out, embrace it and eventually you will see that it cant hurt you. I never fainted with it, iv never herd of anyone fainting from vertigo to be honest but if fainting is the worst that could trually happen then so be it should be your attitude. I know its hard if you fear something, but with practice you will get there.. in time i kinda liked the feeling of vertigo, especially when i went to bed as it would feel like i was wobbling in the bed of falling out of it lol! At first it did scare me but i was more intrigued once i accepted it and as soon as i accepted it, the adrenalin caused from worryin over it stopped causing the vertigo anyway.. mad eh!

  141. C Says:

    Hi JO

    Thanks for the advice will look for post that Will wrote now and see if that will help. Im looking for instant success I know it :( and im one of these people that has to have an action plan so when these thoughts come I think right im getting these thoughts this is what im going to do about it, when really i should think… nothing… and carry on. My poor boyfriend is so confused right now one minute im fine the next im quiet and i cant eat and he keeps saying im u ok u ok? Its new relationship and he really doesnt need to know.

    I know this isnt a forum and havent been on here for 2 days so im not relying on this to help me cause i know its only me that can help myself. However would like to share my recent experience so if anyone recognises this can maybe point me in the right direction?

    Ive always had mild anxiety but its not been daily usually lasting about 3 days and then I would forget and carry on with my ever hectic life!

    This time it was different, I had the worst thoughts ever because of a story I heard and these thoughts were so horrible that I thought omg that is horrible must never think about this again, but my tired mind decided that this must stay in my head and drive me bizzerk. Its been about two weeks now and these thoughts are still in my head and when I see anything that could possibly remind me of these horrible thoughts I get the jolt in my stomach and my mind goes into overdrive doing anything to rid me of these thought.

    The first week was hell, didnt get ANYTHING done in work, crying in the toilets and just constantly trying to rid myself of any bad thoughts. I was always reading this website and you were saying let the thoughts in I was like ”arrrgghhh cant think of anything worse” anyways the second week has been strange, im up and down like a rollercoaster. On the monday got up and felt fine then relaised wow im not anxious next thing u know jolt in my stomach ive made myself feel anxious. arrrrghhh. My whole morning a whirr of thoughts must make myself feel better must do this must do that. Got myself involved in 2 yoga sessions, went to gym everyday, read up on meditation bought some cd’s booked a CBT session with a well renowned therapist from around here. OK so the things that can help me relax were in place, actually took my mind of it. Then I looked at Paul David’s book and it made me get that jolt in mystomach again. I tried getting on with it and hiding it, thinking of being anxious was making me axious and then giving me nasty thoughts. Its a horrid cycle :( but on the bright side of this week, after about 3pm everyday I was feeling better still couldnt eat but was able to engage in converstaions, half watch films and eat a little. I would sleep fine always do but then in the morning I CANT HELP BUT ANALYZE HOW I FEEL i dont know how to relax in the morning i really dont and it sets me up for a bad day. Yoga by the way was fantastic and the ‘childs’ pose is amazing for calming my breathing down.

    Im really asking for some advice in terms of when I look at things that remind me of my nasty thought do I relax and say ‘tired mind’ and get on with my task or just let it remind me of the nasty thought? Its hard to understand what ‘let the thought in’ means. One of my thoughts that always comes over me is imagine what your friends would think and will I always look at these things and will it remind me of that thought.

    secondly in the mornings when i first wake up feeling fine should I get up out of bed then, and get my breakie or lie there and relax letting the feeling take over me?

    Thanks to everyone on this site your advice is amazing i really am trying my best and cannot wait until I can help anyone, in one way its a good thing this has happened to me because at least now I can understand what people are going throught. your not crazy, just tired.

  142. C Says:

    wow just read what will says, kinda see what im doing when i get anxious and have crazy thoughts I am ‘doing’ something because im constantly going, ‘im fine im fine your tired, your doing yoga it will get better’ im reacting to the the thought. I also think right get on with task cause your going to lose your job thats also a reaction. The breathing excercises is also a reaction.

    Have the thought and let it have its space … definatly more difficult that it sounds tho, is physically carrying on with ur work seen as a reaction?

  143. Jo Says:

    Hey Caz,

    You sound EXACTLY like me and everything i went through when i first noticed anxiety, it’s such an up and down thing, my aunty used to tell me ‘you’ll have normal days and bad days’ n i just thought i ‘i only have normal minutes not even days’ cos i was in such a panic with it all.

    It will take time for you the understanding to sink in and you to allow yourself to succumb to the feelings and the thoughts, once you start to do so though the anxiety will lessen because you are not adding to it by resisting it. Things in your environment will remind you of thoughts that make you anxious of course they will but you avoiding them wont help. I know it’s difficult to know what to do when faced with them, ‘should i say this or should i do that’, your mind will race that is to be expected so just let it, the thing is to not carry them on consciously if that makes sense. Your mind will ramble, just let it but theres a difference between that and you trying to do something about it by intervening certain thoughts and feelings and trying to make them better or good.

    It’s step by step, 2 steps forward and one back sometimes but that is fine.

    Regarding the mornings we are very similar, i too am a great sleeper but used to be very conscious as soon as i woke of how i was feeling, again just give yourself a break and leave yourself alone, if you feel crap then so be it, it is to be expected. You should do whatever you have to do in your day regardless of how you feel, but it is nice to do nice things for yourself also even if you don’t feel your best.

    There’s so many things you’ve written that sound like me it’s unreal but trust me i have come a long way on my road and you can too.

    It might help your boyfriend to read the book to get a better understanding, if you both feel comfortable with that.

    I don’t want to tell you what to do in regards of the CBT but i’ll give you my experience of the hypnotherapy i thought i needed to make myself better. Lovely lady, and the therapy is probably very nice when your feeling well and trying to get over a phobia or something but i would have never recovered with this therapy. Because how could hypnotherapy cure me when i still had all theseworrying scary thoughts going through my head and all this adrenaline. If only she could have explained to me what it was that was causing me to feel the way i did, like this website does i would have saved myself alot of money. It’s totally up to you obviously but trust me all you need to recover is given here for free by the goodness of Pauls heart and other people on their road to recovery. If you have found this site then you are on your road to recovery.

    I do yogalates and i love it, it’s great for toning up and all the stretches are very relaxing!

    Hang in there honey your going to be alright.


  144. simon Says:

    hi natalie,..i do suffered from dizziness too a light headed type,a sensation of passing out but never so far,thanks god for that.Did so many cardio test and came out fine yet i still have those dizziness symptoms…i think its due to anxiety..adrenaline affects on the nervous system?
    Hope u feeling much better by now :)

  145. dee Says:

    Hi all, Happy easter. Did anyone read my post?

    Would love some feed back if poss xx

  146. Davidina Says:

    Hi Lindsey – Felt strange coming home. Still get the flutters and churning in the mornings but just carry on with (stuff) – I am aware of it, so I think this means \i am still not accepting. Went to see two friends yerterday, did some shopping, visited my son. A friend also visited me later and although I felt a little anxious, I was fine. This was a major problem for me. Talking to People, even my family would jolt the adrenalin. It’s not so bad now but still there. I love them all so much and couldn’t understand why I felt like this. I don’t try to understand now, I just go with the flow. It is so up and down this condition. Anyway, how are you doing. I am well into my fifties now and you are so young. Are you going shopping now and getting about. Love to hear from you. XX

  147. Candie Says:

    Davidina its ok to be aware of it, i accept all my symptoms with awareness.. as long as your not focussing a great deal and wishing them away then i wouldnt worry :)

    Caz, i think you have got caught up in all this and got a bit to deep with it. I know i did at first, but il try explain for you. Say i have a thought, can be anything fromt something bizzare to something scary. At that exact point i dont repeat anything mentally to rid myself of it and dont try to figure it out i just let the thought be there and understand if i have a bad reaction its due to the adrenalin. When you go to work and you feel crap, the wrong reaction would be to push the thoughts away, try figure them out and try make yourself feel better. The right reaction (which you will adopt in time) would be to let however anxious, depressed WHATEVER really just be there and have the attitude of ‘im going to let myself be anxious over this thought or feeling because im not going to fight been anxious”. That is all primary stuff, accepting the bad because your nerves are bad, secondary would be to try push away and figure out the negatives in life. Once you accept the negative thoughts and feelings, you cut out the negative reactions and your nerves will heal.. which will lead to full recovery and no lingering fear or scary thoughts or feelings.

  148. Davidina Says:

    Hi Candie – Thanks for your comment. Try also to let the thoughts float past. Still learning but I think I’m getting the gist, although I still hate planning stuff. I tend to do things from day to day so that’s avoiding making plans. Haven’t conquered this yet. XX

  149. Lisa H Says:

    I know i’m pretty old to this site and have literally come on leaps and bounds since last July,however the thoughts still trip me up much of the time!!!
    Just reading your reply to Caz,is it still ok to say mentally “whatever” when a thought pops in-which is still alot?!!! Just wondering because this response seems to come automatically now but i was just wondering if this was a secondary response?
    Sounds a bit stupid probably but its the thoughts that are holding me back now from full recovery!
    Thanks Candie.xx

  150. scarlet Says:

    Lisa H,

    I think ultimately you need to be aiming for what Candie says, this is FULL acceptance, but a ‘whatever’ ‘as if’ to yourself is fine along the way. I did this a lot as well on my road to recovery, as it takes time and patience to get to the stage Candie mentioned, and we ALL trip up along the way, can’t be perfect all the time 😉 The sooner you are able to adopt what Candie says (and Will above) the faster you’ll reach the final frontier…

  151. Colin Says:

    I think another of my problems is that i still focus on my imperfections and sometimes compare myself, unfavourably, with other people.And im in my 40’s.But some days these thoughts are with me through the day and even though im doing other activities they tend to come back afterwards.So how do i deal with this,let the thoughts come and get busy to distract myself or what?

  152. Scarlet Says:


    Just to also say, that personally I wouldn’t have been unable to fully accept, without going through the ‘whatever’ ‘as if’ stage. I think we all adopt little strategies that work for us along the way to full recovery and full acceptance.

    I found that when I said ‘whatever’ to myself I was actually calming myself down, reminding myself that I needn’t react negatively to a thought, and this worked for a while until I taught myself not to be afraid of my own thoughts, then I could progress to the next stage of calming and not reacting like Will said. I guess Will and Paul would say yes this is secondary thinking, but perhaps it is a necessary ‘interim’ stage for some of us to go through before we can fully accept. 😉

  153. lindsey Says:

    Hi Davidina

    Lovely to hear from you. I am doing ok as can be exspected though i have tingly arms today and havent had them in a while thought they had gone. I get this jaw thing going on as well like i clench when i get all edgy and anxious and have had a bit of this going on the last few days though getting through and not letting them stopping me do anything. It always surprises me how scared i am still when i get the feelings but i do my best to go on. I am 32 and hate that this has happened to me but when i hear off it happening o people much younger i feel grateful though i dont see what age has to do with it nobody should have to deal with this. I also hate to plan anything just incase but i am trying hard at this but it is something i also struggle with i dont know why i just dont like to commit to or plan anything. I went the shops the other day and thought nothing of it but i can do that then other days it can be a big deal for me and i hate it when i realize i cant do that and then i think why cant i? i might feel awful but no one will be able to tell how i feel so i will go but only if its local and i can be home within 5 mins havent mastered going further a field on my own yet i hope to do this soon and just go for it!! I have had a few churny mornings lately myself and i hate them but like you have continued forward with my day. Well done on your journy home and seeing your friends, do they know about your anxiety? and are they understanding about it? I am loads better around family now but havent socialized with my two close friends yet they know but i always think they wont understand and i dont always want to talk about it. Need to try to meet up with them even if its just for a quick coffee to get it over and done with, then maybe the next time wont be so bad. On my way out again now more easter visiting will check in again later hope you are having a nice easter


  154. simon Says:

    Hi scarlet,i was just wondering when u were still having anxieties,do u have those lightheadness,palpitations etc..symptoms,i had this annoying symptoms 24/ times its just wont go a result i have done so many cardiac test which so far came out good.I am wondering how can i feel those symptoms when i am not anxious at it because the nervous system are still sensitized?

  155. sasha Says:

    Hi Everyone,

    I feel i have come a along way..I just want to share something which i felt recently …I dont think anyone will see DP in such a positive light :)

    I started off with terrible DP which was really unbearable but recently It was on and off and mostly mild in the last few days…but when i had mild DP in social situations i become less aware of myself n it was indeed helping me to just speak what i felt

    but now when its getting clearer after a lon while..i get all these vibes especially if it is a negative vibe i am not able to talk to that person..Pls help me it becomes difficult when i kno someone has an issue with me…i become self conscious my mind gets stuck in a rut…a normal mind can chuck off these as ”who gives a damn’ n carry on the day

    it may be a slightly different problem but anyone can give me a good suggestion..?

    Its not DP but sometimes I’m prone to terrible mood off especially if someone had a tiff with me..mind just goes off to obssessive thinking and makes assumptions about the situation and creates a scary situation which in reality if I’m able to concentrate on what i’m doing and switching off these unwantd thoughts will make the situation seem quite normal

    i’m not able to carry on daily chores and hence my confidence goes down it takes my mood completely and i sulk!..before when i had DP i would just go ahead and do what i should do irrespective of how i felt bcos its just one feeling spaced out nothing else effectd me!
    and i should say i felt quite confident bcos I cudnt feel the tension or whatever in any situations!

    now that I’m aware of my moods I’m not able to come out of it aggression, sadness, lonelyness or whatever…how do i switch the mode completely and do something which i want to do without my mind thinking about the negative vibes and come bak to normal mood..
    I just need some valuable suggestions..! Paul, Candie, scarlet, emmanuel anyone??
    i know I’m sulking !!! but just cant get my way out..! Pls help

  156. scarlet Says:

    Simon, yes I did.. I lost my balance loads of times, was dizzy all day and night…. am not dizzy any more (well not in that sense 😉 )

    Yes it’s adrenalin that’s causing the palpitations, let them be there and don’t feel the need to analyse them, especially now you have had medical tests. They are very very very common. My husband and BIL have had them, and they don’t suffer anxiety at all.

    I have been fully recovered over 2 years now and recently I went through a few months of palpitations, but didn’t worry at all as I googled and it is associated with age and menopause and hormonal changes, this was enough to satisfy me, as I am almost 21 😉 When I stopped focussing on them they disappeared, don’t have any more now at all.

  157. C Says:


    You sound almost eactly the same as me! I was thinking that the other day, I only have a good five mins then back again to feeling constantly sick. Im trying to live with it I really am! Im doing everything I normally do but people keep telling me how quiet I am how pale I am how different I am and its making me worse! I went out on a night out last night wow it was hard work.

    My problem is ONE horrible thought that everything seems to link to and give me an anxiety :( im trying to live with it but believe me its horrible. I keep thinking well everyone else has anxiety but I bet they dont have this vision I keep having. :( I really cant tell my fella hes a star but is a real man man, giving him the book would panic him and panic me more.

    Im just to let it be there, ive thought so many times to leave this world but myfamily and fella adore me Its would be a cowards way out and would effect them so much. So thats never going to happen. so im trapped here in this hell for a while. Im so scared this thought/visions are going to be there forever cause i cant see me ever forgetting this.

    you said ”Your mind will ramble, just let it but theres a difference between that and you trying to do something about it by intervening certain thoughts and feelings and trying to make them better or good.” so is it ok to make myself feel better by saying to myself ”well thats never going to happen so its ok” am i then doing somethng? Im finding it hard to let the thought ‘have its space’cause people are talking around me and I have to answer them and i feel im then pushing the thought away. Its so difficult as ive been a fast thinker for so long. Thank you so much for your help I cant thank you enough!!!! How do feel you have come along? xx

  158. C Says:

    I am deep in this I know it and im finding it hard to get out. 3 weeks ago I was so happy! yeh I was a worrier But I always got over my worry and got on with my life. This horid thought I keep having is what has given me anxiety. In some ways its only been 3 weeks and im hopeful ive not changed my life too much from ‘normal’ so it can go back to what it was.
    Your comments actually made me want to cry don’t know why tho ha. So ive got to live with this and carry on, no reaction to thoughts or feelings just a simple carry on?

  159. Candie Says:

    Caz you can react with anxiety in the primary.. this is all instantantanious stuff (your nerves are so shaken atm they may make you react to silly stuff), however you need to learn to not push away this reaction and all the feelings of general anxiety and the thoughts too. When you can have the attitude of ‘go on the anxiety make me feel scared, make me think scary stuff’ i think thats acceptance. Basically acceptance is been willing to experience the all the anxiety symtoms and not rumernate afterwards with fear.

    As scarlet says though Lisa, i had the ‘whatever’ saying to.. i think its the one contious ‘do’ thats allowed as eventually it becomes subcontiously ingrained to allow anxiety to do whatever. I havnt got this quite perfect yet, its been a bumpy road but im getting there :)

  160. Michelle Says:

    Hi everyone, and Happy Easter!

    I haven’t been on this site in a great while because I have been feeling much better and didn’t want any “triggers” from reading about other people’s anxiety to remind me of my ordeal. But then I thought that was really selfish because when I was in the thick of it, I would have done anything to hear hopeful stories.

    I suffered about every single symptom of this dreaded disorder– to the point I thought I was in hell and there would never be any relief. BUT.. I am well on my way to be 100% recovered. I would say I am upwards of 98% recovered with many 100% days now. (I know.. it’s hard to believe, as I was one of the worst “unbelievers” ever).

    Paul is dead on when he says you just have to get on with your life and let the thoughts and feelings and horrible symptoms just exist. It is horrible. We ALL know how horrible it is. You really have to try hard to say “so what” to it. The more you can say “so what” the easier it will be to actually believe it.

    For me, the thing that helped the most was getting out and among my friends. It was extremely difficult at first, but I always felt better when I was with friends than I ever felt alone. Even though it felt bad, I could have either felt bad alone, or feel bad with friends or even just out anywhere. With friends I still felt just as miserable, but maybe a little bit better. Go out among people. It will be much easier to get distracted. Even if you can think of something other than yourself for 1 minute.. that will be a little break for your mind. Eventually that 1 minute will be 2 minutes.. 5 minutes.. an hour. The more relief you give your mind, the less severe and less frequent your symptoms become until they almost disappear.

    Sure the symptoms will pop up.. sometimes very frequently, sometimes in spurts. But you know that you have had minutes of relief, so just remember that it will pass and you will feel the relief again. That will get you through it. Just ignore it as much as possible.

    When I say ignore, I don’t mean to fight and try to bury how you feel. That will just make your brain work hard which will tire it out even more. When I say ignore, I mean just busy yourself with every day stuff. Even if you still feel like the thoughts and feelings are still simmering there waiting to rear their ugly heads, it’s okay. Eventually there will come a time when you will say, “hey, I haven’t thought about it in awhile.”

    I still have moments when I become acutely aware of how bad I used to feel. That memory still bothers me, but I am able to quickly distract myself and not let it continue bothering me, so it never gets any worse than feeling a bit bothered. That is the key.. practice practice practice not letting it bother you. At first it will be a bunch of baloney.. but it will become easier till it’s actually real.. you really won’t care too much.

    Like I said, I’m not 100%, but I could certainly live the rest of my life just fine feeling like I do now. If I never got any better, it would be okay. That in and of itself is a great relief. That gives my mind the rest it needs to even further heal.

    Blessings to all of you, and a speedy recovery.

  161. Kristy M. Says:

    I too have returned to share with people that this does COMPLETELY go away. I dealt with really bad anxiety last year during March-June. I was terrified, freaked out from the symptoms–thinking something was horribly wrong with me. I felt lots of symptoms I’ve never felt before: loss of appetite, dizziness, nausea, DP, etc–I remember specifically–after being to 3 doctors in 2 weeks that told me “allergies”–forcing myself out of my house to get a carwash & breaking down in tears while I was driving because I felt so outside of myself, so strange.

    This website was incredibly helpful–the whole “getting out and living life” thing was something that I needed to read over and over again.

    But it was more than that for me–it was really looking at patterns that existed in my life–I was a huge undercover worrier…I played it cool but I was always worrying about every single thing happening in my life, always hating my lack of control over things. I found a great book about stopping the worrying–it took me through my thought process and showed me how faulty it is. We worry because we think it’s doing something positive for us–keeping bad things from happening. But if anything, they just keep us procrastinating, not having conversations, not paying that bill, not finding that new job, etc–instead, we sit and worry until we’re exhausted.

    Now, I have let go of the need to do an A+ job at everything. This was huge for me. When anxiety was at its worst, it was a “good day” if I could just make it through work, make myself eat a little something. I was forced to drop all my multitasking–my anxiety wouldn’t allow it. Writing emails, watching loud tv, all of it seemed too overwhelming for me. But through this, I learned that I expected much more of myself on a daily basis than was actually needed. I didn’t have to be THE BEST teacher, THE BEST runner, THE BEST cook, THE BEST friend, etc–I just had to make it through my day. Many people go through their lives one moment at a time & for us worriers, it’s a much more hectic ordeal.

    My anxiety was fairly short term–a few months, but I still look back on it as the scariest time in my life. I thought I was going crazy. I’ve thought a few times over the past month “wow, remember where I was a year ago”–and it’s hard to believe. Whenever I feel like I’m committing to too much, trying to be too perfect, worrying all the time–I definitely check myself, take care of myself. And life has become happier because of this experience.

    And because these posts meant the world to me while I was suffering (other people feel the same way!), I’m reminded occasionally to come back & say that you will completely get over it. For me, it was about getting on with life–but also about doing activities that engaged a more “easy going” side of myself…reading fluff novels, going to the beach, hanging out with calming friends, etc. It forced me to weed out the unnecessary. SO good luck! and Happy Easter!

  162. yolande Says:

    Hi all

    havent been on here for a while, been doing great! altho i still get the negative thinking. i want to ask if anyone has expereinced v bad shoulder or back aches while having anxiety??

    I seem to have these quite frequently and i think it’s part of the symptoms but would like to hear back from anyone and how they overcame it

    Thanks all

  163. Lisa H Says:

    Thanks for your replys. The “whatever”has definitely helped me make alot of progress to the point were the other week i didnt even need to say it in my head if that makes sense!! The thoughts just came and i smiled at them,welcomed them and my that feeling was soooo good.However i am having spells of reacting to them again-so back to whatever…now i realise that this is probably the 1 step forward 2 back!!!!
    I’ll keep plodding along up and down my “snakes and ladders ” game till i reach the end!!!

    Thak-you once again-much

  164. sasha Says:

    Hi all,

    I just want to ask u something if anyone had felt the same..I feel I’m ok now from anxiety at the moment..there is no DP as well
    but i’m feelling completely low at the moment..totally frustrated no energy to move on or to do something..
    because of this i get easily annoyed at the flip of a second…
    totally getting into problematic zone :(
    m not able to have a normal conversation with anyone in the sense what m feeling now isnt anxiety its a frustration mode getting sort of angry for anything silly..
    does this happen? should i go with ”whatever” its difficult because now the feelings are so real as in how i felt before anxiety..
    I’m confused now bcos before i used to chuck every other feelings of aggression or feelin low as anxiety so i dint have any issue dealing with them or people now that when it feels so REAL i unknowingly react to that…!
    i feel i am lost…dont know to which one i should react…totally irritated with myself and noone would ever want to have a conversation with me in this phase pls help me anyone…!
    All i want is peace…

  165. johnny p Says:

    hi scarlett an candie,
    I been having a great past few moths. Then the depression came. And the thoughts of hirting someone or myself that brought anxiousness now bring me sadness. Any advice would be so helpful. Just want to move on and continue working towards a nurse with amaster and be a father. I’m thinking maybe it’s because I deal with alot of people who are clincially depressed. I don’t know. Thanks with all your help from before these past two years. I had wonderful moments woithout anxiouness. Just the depressed part is holding me down now

  166. Davidina Says:

    Hi Yolande. – So glad to hear you are doing so well. I’m still a novice to the site, but the support on here is amazing. Well, just to let you know that I experience neck, shoulder and backache regularly. I don’t worry about it because I don’t put it down to anxiety. I just say ( I need to move more and loosen up). I do some Yoga stretches and its amazing how this helps. This is only my opinion but I hope it helps a little.

  167. Jo Says:

    Hey Caz,

    I know what you mean when you say ‘that one thought that everything seems to link to’, when you are in anxious cycle you seem to link everything together. Once you start to relax again you’ll realise this in just part of the anxiety.

    It doesn’t matter what other people say to you, when you are recovering, the real you will start to come back and they will see that, they’ve probably already forgotten what they said.

    When i say about the rambling mind, sometimes my mind would just go on and on, negative thought then phrases ‘tired mind’ etc etc, things that people have written on here, things i’ve thought, i couldn’t help it my mind just did it, so i let it. It’s hard at first to get your head round and you will just be feeling your way for a bit but you will make progress and it will start to become clearer.

    Candie is ded right, acceptance is willingness to accept all the anxiety symptoms.

    I find that sometimes when experiencing anxiousness i tense my stomach in particular, don’t know if anyone else does the same? so when i read what Will wrote previous i realised that was part of me resisting to negative feeling, so if i feel i’m doing it i just release my tummy, and i find that really helps my body in not adding the second fear thing. Its not the same for everyone but that helps me.

    I feel i’ve come really really far from where i started. I was exactly like you, i thought ‘well if i cant feel better i’ll have to kill myself, but oh no i couldn’t do that to my family and my boyfriend, blah blah blah’ round and round in circles without a seconds peace. In that state you are literally just surviving day to day but trust all the advice on here once you start to implement the things you learn you will see improvement. And remember you don’t need to put pressure on yourself to feel better immediately, or if your confused if your doing it right, often that is your anxious mind again throwing these thoughts into the mix. Just go with the flow. You will use certain sayings at times it’s only natural because you’ve read them and your brain has absorbed them so it throws them out there, you have absorbed all the good information so just trust in it.


  168. Sandeep Says:

    I’ve been doing well last couple of weeks and can feel my nerves better from less adrenaline shooting. But everytime I have some bad days, I start to fear that I’m going to get my nerves bad again and I stop accepting as well. Anyone else go through this during recovery?

  169. C Says:

    Jo thanks for your supportive words, u seem to be the person who understands where I am the most. I have been doing the detensing thing with my stomach, is that a ‘do’ and not a reaction that will has been talking about? Im constantly going round and round I cant seem to stop, its getting silly. The accepting thing is hard but like you said it will take time and hopefully this information is embedded now and my mind is slowly putting these processes in place. My mind without me tryin always says its ok. Its very confusing cause when ive been feeling ok for a while I say wooo im fine now great and then cause ive thought that it starts again!! in fact every five mins i seem to assess myself, i honeslty cant help it! Bad news cycle!! but like u sed go with the flow and accept these feeling accept these thoughts and get on with what im doing. I really wish there was something I could do to repay ur kindness i cant tell u how hearing from you and helped me. I think i can see a light there somewhere!!

    Candie – rumernate…. thats me… thats all I seem to thats where my weakness lies with this. I get the thought and it doesnt seem to scare me as much, its the thoughts after like… what if my friends knew, what if it never goes away, how can my fella stay with me if im like this. I dont think i can live the rest of my life feeling like this. Its constant. I think its time to give up and let them go round in my head. I didnt think I was fighting it but I am. no pills, no plans just need to get on with my life and accept the fact that anxiety is going to be there for a while.

    Will – Is detensing my stomach a do? a reaction that u were speaking about? I finding it difficult not to make any reaction to my anxiety if you know what I mean.

  170. Candie Says:

    I know a few people where worried about T, well i checked the moderation folder and a few of her posts where trapped in there as they included email addresses and all them type of posts are moderated incase of website links etc. If you scroll up you will see T’s posts x

  171. Candie Says:

    Hi Caz i think your placing too much importance on the content of your thought, thinking its abnormal and your strange and others dont think like that. Thats not true thought as the none anxious have strange thoughts, most people i know at one point have told me some of theres.. they think allsorts of bizzare stuff- same as you really. But if you was to ask them if they think scary thoughts they would say no… as they have no adrenalin and anxiety to fuel the fear of the thoughts. You think like everyone else, anxiety is just giving you a differant reaction to them

  172. Davidina Says:

    Hi Lindsey – Great to hear from you. Just to answer some of your questions. My close friends know I haven’t been well, but I tend not to say anxiety. When I was suffering before I came on site, whe they would ask me to go out, I would always say no, but please ask me again. My best friend used to say I can’t imagine what it feels like but I’m here if you need to talk. What I did before I came across Paul’s site, I used to just pop into their home and say (just in for a quick coffee) and it gave me a little confidence in knowing I could leave if I wanted. I know now this is not the answer but it helped me a bit. If they asked how I was feeling, I would just say ( good days, and not so good) and refer the conversation back to them. No point in going into it all, they wouldn,t understand anyway. Hope this helps a little. Think we have both to start accepting the feelings whether with company or not and float past them. I worry more before the event, then I find when I get there, I am mostly fine. I have to learn to stop worrying. We are still learning a lot Lindsey but I am confident we will get there. Love D – XX

  173. lindsey Says:

    Hi yolande

    you sound like me. i too am still suffering from thr negative thinking today in particular, very irritable today infact. I so suffer with shoulder and neck pain and sometimes back but esp shoulder. I find my self sometimes thinking is this really to do with anxiety and how but it is so just put it under your anxiety umbrella and accept it and it will pass. I have no tips for getting rid apart form letting it be as mind is still hanging around too though it has been a bit easier onme latley and i find doing my relaxation cd very good more looseing up and swimming. I love just floating on my back and letting all my troubles go away for a while while i breathe and float my way down the lane and back again again and again. hope this helps if only a little bye for mow

    Lindsey XX

  174. Wayne Says:

    Natalie and Simon,

    I first visted this site back in January and I was feeling “off balance” and light headed. Those feelings are still around for me but not as often. I have never passed out or fell over. It was so bad for me when I went running I would make sure I was no further than 1km from my house. Now I am back to running 10km at a time and I am back to my regular running route with less fears.

    Don’t get me wrong I still have my moments but I understand what it is now. Also, you will both get better as you understand what these feeling are.

  175. T Says:

    hey everyone, haven’t posted because there was some problem, i hope this comment shows.
    So its really weird how i feel. I feel normal like I felt before, you know, before all this anxiety started, but the feeling is extremly weird. I guess after 5 months of feeling drowsy,sleepy and off this now seems odd. So now I guess feeling normal scares me, but its not only that. I still have extremly weird thoughts about what is life and it just feels absurd that you wake up every day, do stuff , go back to sleep and repeat that year after year. And yesterday I was making a cake and it just felt so weird, here I am, alive, this is life, and I am here making a cake, it juste feels so random and odd. Or people going to work every day or here i am watching a tv and one day I will be dead. Feel like i am trapped in a moment, I dont know, its really hard to put into words. I dont know, its like the existing is scaring me, time” what is really time”, death, I start sweating like crazy when I think about all this. And feeling normal really confuses me, like I’ve been asleep 5 months and now I woke up but its strange. I just try not to think about all that and just keep doing something but I am still afraid that maybe this is something new and that i will lose it. I keep saying to myself to relax, life is what its always been its just my thoughts have changed.( but what is life? it seems like a series of images, motion, And everything that happened in the past feels like a dream). But really after everything this is the most confusing thing I ever felt, feeling normal yet feeling so odd, thinking so odd. hugs to everone, I left my email so if anyone wnats to talk I would be glad

  176. Will Beswick Says:

    Hi Caz – did say last contrib was my last post – as dont really have time as trying to help others on my site. Simply, when we are all suffering from this hypertension (as that’s what it is) – detensing is simply ‘what it says on the tin’ i.e. if you are consciously saying ”detense, detense, detense” then I think you can understand – this will be ‘increasing’ your tension (and panic) and certainly NOT detensing and what ‘catches us all out’ as we think our panic reaction will control our pain, when actually it is adding to it (intensing further).

    So, I make the point that detensing is calming in its’ true sense – letting go – ‘not consciously intensing/saying’ – which is what our panic is. So, by detensing your stomach – you will know if you are taking your foot OFF that tensing/speeding up pedal – i.e. if it is increasing your tension (by consciously forcing yourself to for eg ‘say it’ in your head) or decreasing your tension by ‘just calming’ and bringing down that tension.

    If you ARE successfully decreasing it – then this is the ONLY thing you have to achieve – and then you will roll through all those thoughts and learn steadily to flow as you are calmer – no issues and less sensitisation to those odd thoughts, which WILL become less of an issue.

    We should not be fooled that our ‘panic temptation’ will ‘just’ disappear – as we all know it hangs around every corner – however, it is simply our caring, clever, sensitive minds that are always very close to ‘boiling over’, so we have to learn to ‘steadily move away from it’, which we CAN do.

    Actually, all I focus on is to calm/detense/deflate my ”mind” WHEN panicky – as mind controls body and your stomach WILL detense also if you calm your mind back down – as will any other ‘symptoms’. We will only learn to ‘persevere’ with this calming when we ‘understand and truly believe’ that this is the answer – that’s what took me years to understand and why I, like Paul, give up my time for as we know what it’s like, BUT, more importantly – that there IS a way out of this – as stated! cheers Will

  177. Chris Says:


    I understand what you are going through and have delt with the same thoughts as well. In fact it reminds me allot of myself. I was your age when I first had these anxiety issues, graduation from high school and into a full time job and life really freaked me out in much the same as you are feeling. It was as if it hit me all at once. In my case I did not have a good support system and I did not talk to anyone about my feelings and or thoughts, when I tried nobody understood. I found myself feeling crazy as if no one elses had problems like mine. I think you are on the right track because you are gaining knowledge of the issue and the fact that you are not crazy and it is just anxiety. I went a long time before I found a site o group of people that understood what I was dealing with and this allowed allot of faulty beliefs and fears to become more of habit for thinking. Hang in there and keep up the good work.

  178. Ruth Says:

    Hi T

    Glad to see your posts and see how things are going for you. I would like to e mail you is that OK? I am not as young as you but I understand how things are with you.

    I have found an awful lot of comfort from the fact that a lot of people on this blog can identify with each other.

    Dee:- I took anti depressant medication for my current anxiety problems but they only made my DP worse! So I stopped taking them. My husband had taken them when he had mild depression and they worked for him so he was very enthusiastic about me taking something but when he saw how ill the meds made me he soon changed his mind!

    Do what YOU think is best for you.

    I am not sorry I took meds as it just confirmed what I thought would happen. I am recovering slowly but at least I am recovering naturally and if I slip back then I know how to get back on track again.

    Hope this helps

  179. Rachael Says:

    Will – just wanted to say a quick thanks for using my office noises issue in your post on ‘not doing’ to overcome an anxiety symptom. It’s uncanny because I’ve just logged in for the first time in a week to tell about the massive breakthrough I’ve had with this problem – which I think came from doing the type of thing you recommend on your post, which I hadn’t read! Weird.

    Anyway I want this to be another hope story, because guys this was the one thing I felt I could never, ever get over. It’s controlled my life in ways you wouldn’t believe. Anyone that read my post may remember I was starting to consider leaving my job, thank God I didn’t act on that. I’ll try an accurately explain this…basically I used to constantly try and think of ways to deal with the typing sounds, even if that way was ‘ignore it’ – it was still active ‘ignore it Rach ignore it…’ etc leading to more tension. Also tried listening to it (made it worse), trying to like it, and the old chestnut, avoiding it. I’d revolve my day around getting work done when people weren’t typing or were away from their desks – ridiculous!

    So what I think brought about my change last week? I started to focus on my work again. Something I hadn’t done in 3 years because every time I tried to focus I’d think ‘I’m can’t do this well, I can’t think clearly with that sound’. Something clicked with me going to work last week which I hadn’t consciously planned at all, but it was exactly what I needed to realise – ‘ah well, I have to get XYZ done today so I’ll do it best I can with the noises’. You may think it’s strange I’d never gone with this before but for some reason I hadn’t. For the first time in 3 years, I was able to sit at my desk and read an article online while people typed. For the first time in 3 years I didn’t have to go and cry in the toilets with frustration. By the end of last week, for the first time in 3 years, I had long periods of time where I wasn’t even conscious of typing noises. Because I was engrossed in my work which I truly enjoy, it was part of the real me that anxiety had kept stolen for me for a long, long time.

    Sorry if this sounds very dramatic! But it’s tremendous for me and I like the others above feel stories of breakthroughs – even little ones – are great. Will I think what I’m doing fits with what you’ve advised, so thanks for the reassurance. I’m sure I’m gonna have bad days of it again, but I do not care. I hope people can get some sort of encouragement/advice from this post.


  180. Alex Says:

    Does anyone else have episodes that last for months at a time and then you finally come out of them, but have no idea how you do? My question is…I am 24 years old and have been dealing with these episodes on and off for the last 4 years. Each time they come, they ruin my life. This time, it has basically ruined my relationship because I have nothing to give when I am like this. Am I supposed to continue trying to live like I did before this came back again? I change so much, it scares me. I live in NYC so I have a pretty active social life when I’m feeling good, but during these episodes, going out and doing things just makes me feel more defeated and depressed because I feel so different than I normally would feel doing those things. I hate this all.

  181. T Says:

    chris thanks for support, i really do feel that I am the only person to feel this way, the feelinga and thoughts are so starnge and bizzare, you really cant imagine anyone feeling like that.
    Ruth, of course you can e-mail me, I’ll be glad to hear from you.
    I was just eating and while eating had that wierd “out of body experience”, like you are watching yourself, like a third person, so
    hugs to all

  182. Gus Says:

    Hi all, Ive been reading so many posts and can relate to nearly all. I have been through all this at different stages of this roller coaster from hell. It has been a year since all this started. I know this cause i had a panic attack during Easter Mass last year and this year I feel sooo much better thanks to Paul and all of you wonderful people on this site. I lived… no make that existed for 10 months going “crazy” doing all the wrong things fighting this condition. Then 3 months ago I found this site (after almost giving up on the internet cause it turned me into a hypochondriac and made me feel worse) and what a life saver! I now have way more good days than bad ones and can feel my life coming back. Coming back to the way I was years ago even before my attacks. I no longer have attacks and if i do I can shut them down before they become anything. Just knowing I can beat this and knowing Im not crazy and accepting that I need to give my body time to heal is over half the battle mentally for me. So far Ive beaten panic over the what ifs of heart issues, muscle ache, light headedness, weight loss, do I have cancer, diabetes, hypoglycemia ect ect ect. The problem is it seems like my body always finds something new when I beat something. I can identify when people say as soon as I notice im anxiety free for a while it says not so fast buddy and hits you again. Right now Im dealing with ringing in my ears (constant reminder of my anxiety) and tingling and cold feet for the past two months. Anxiety causes this But these physical symptoms only add to my anxiety causing the symptoms to worsen. Arrrgg! Its so hard to float through them and accept. The only mental issue I have and I don’t know if this is dp or mid life crisis is I’m… I dont know… bored with life. not so much questioning existence but maybe needing more. As long as I keep busy Im ok but when I sit and relax like I used to love to do, I think too much and cant just enjoy doing nothing. Well thats not that big of a deal. Its better then when I used to feel like I wished life would hurry up and get over with cause living with constant anxiety was so exhausting. Terrible to think that way. Your not the real you when your in it deep. It helps to know you wont remain in that state of mind thanks to Paul’s sharing of knowledge and dedication. Thanks!
    May you all find Peace of mind.

  183. Jo Says:

    Hey Caz,

    How are you doing? There’s absolutely no need to thank me, i’d do anything to help anyone feeling that way cos i know how it is. When your feeling better you’ll do the same!:-)

    I was a bit reluctant to put about my stomach thing cos it might have been a bit confusing but Will’s explained in bang on above so hopefully no one will be confused.

    You say about assessing yourself every 5 mins and as soon as you think ‘woo im alright’ a bad thought comes back. I used to get that too, it was like i couldn’t think anything positive about anything without anxiety following it up with something horrible, just to remind me it was there. No one or nothing was safe from my thoughts. I used to think it was like i was doing it to myself in a way, trying to think something normal just to see if it would happen instead of just getting on with things. And of course it did and i was trying. You will want to think ‘yay’ when you’ve had a couple of minutes of rest from your mind but understand that those thoughts might be followed up by negative ones just because of the state your body’s in, theres no need to be dishesartened because of it, it’s only to be expected under the circumstances.

    One of the reasons it takes time is because when it first happens it is the scaryiest thing on the planet, hands down. And you think ‘how will i ever forget this?’ And it takes time for your understanding to sink in, and develop and time for you to desensitise to these thoughts, and for your body to heal. It only makes sense that it will take time.

    I did find as well that when i’d felt massive improvement for quite a period and i then hit a set back that when i read the website and Paul’s book again it made even more sense to me. Because i wasn’t in the beginning stages still and terrified it was easier to absorb the info and i felt i understood it even more so than before.

    Lots of love to everyone, glad you are feeling a bit better T!


  184. sasha Says:

    can anyone please help me ??

    I feel bad especially because i was doing all good for 1 or 2 months and now all of a sudden i feel i have to relearn all things as if i have forgotten how i was going about past 2months which was up and down but i knew exactly what i should do..and i thought i was on the last frontier and felt quite delighted..
    now that i’m not able to carry on with my usual things..lots of chaos for no reason and kind of edgy feeling all the time..
    i tell myself let it go ..But…
    Pls anyone few words to carry on…my day…with faith…
    i dint need any sort of help for the last fw weeks and i thought taht was it…

  185. yolande Says:

    Hi all
    A quick check. Is anyone currently weaning off Remeron aka Mirtazapine?


  186. Jo Says:

    Hi Sasha,

    It sounds like your just having a setback. Which is all part of the process. The bit on the website on setbacks is very good for that reassurance! You haven’t done anything wrong and you haven’t lost all you’ve learnt, like Paul says ‘it’s all there just hidden under the symptoms’.

    You’ll come through!


  187. Eileen Says:

    Hi are you getting on with the stomach thing? Mine has been a problem for a couple of months now continually. This week has been a real problem – cant really forget about it even when I am engrossed in something else!

    Tension then creeps through my arms and legs and rest of body- getting me down a bit. Have tried to understand what Will is saying about de tensing, but obviously not getting it. Any advice? Am going on holiday in 2 weeks so would like to feel a litle better.

    Best wishes to all. Eileen

  188. Chris Says:


    I have taken remeron before, no longer on it. I can try to answer your questions.

  189. T Says:

    hey, have one question. So I dropped out of college because I wasn’t really satiscifed, had no passion for what I was studying ( this is before anxiety) . now I am thinking about going back to college to study psychology. I always liked that and thought I would be a good psychologist because I really can listen to people and I think I give good advice, whenever someone has a problem they come to me. But here’s the thing, now I am thinking how the hell can I be a psychologist when I have a psychological issue myself?lol Should I give up or dont mind the anxiety ?? I mean even when I was really bad with dp and stuff I was still able to listen to people when needed and give them advice, anxiety didn’t mess with my judgment. And i went to a lot of psychiatrists, psychologists and find them all so cold, uninformed and so uninterested and I know I wouldn’t be like that, I would truly try and help people who come to see me, especially after all this that i am going through, I would have a personal experience. So what do you guys think? I am also a bit scared because we are obviously gonna learn about all this mental disorders and stuff and that may trigger my anxiety even more. But I really think that I would be great and to know that you helped someone is an amazing feeling for me. I would like to work at school and help kids with their problems. But what if I suffer with anxiety,dp even then? would that be a problem? I think I would still be able to do my job and that would keep me from thinking about my own issues. Would really appreciatte an honest advice from you amazing people. hugs

  190. Alex Says:

    T, I am going through the same thing as you. My anxiety coming back makes me feel like I can never change my job or anything in my life because it gets in the way.

  191. lindsey Says:

    Hi davidina

    hope you are doing well and settling back in to being home. I i ahve been having a few down days lately but dont know if its just normal or anxiety related everybody has down days dont they we will never free from down days but as usual i always think its due to anxiety and nothing else so i have to resassure myself that i had down days before and they pass and so will these. i think i am doing ok with them didnt want to go into work today but i did and it wasnt so bad once i was there. My problem at the moment is i feel everybody thinks i am better and have forgot about me (i know this sounds childish) but i need there help and support to continue to make good progress, they have all been so understanding so far and little gems but i dont want them to forget about me just yet i still need more time and i feel they think i am better and it makes me feel like a fake!! hopefully i will have a better day tomorrow and stop being so paranoid about everything something else that i suffer with but am making progress and reasoning with myself over things more before i go down the paranoid spiral!! a little bit of good news i lost 4 and a half pound at my slimming club tonight my first week that cheered me up a little. sleep well

    Lindsey XXX

  192. yolande Says:

    Hi Chris,

    Thank you! Can you pls drop me an email at

    thank you

  193. dyeri Says:

    Hi, Im very thankful for this site, it really helps me heal, had been with anxiety since Feb of this year but i have always been a worrier. my main problem is the disturbing thoughts, which sometimes feel so real and i think what stareted it all . It seems that when you get over a previous scary thought you minds is looking for other thoughts to scare you. Im learning to let it run its course since it works for all the thoughts that i overcame ,but sometimes it just feels so real. But I know , with prayers and perseverance ,we are on our way to recovery. Thanks to Paul and all the bloggers here.

  194. dee Says:

    Hi Ruth,

    Thanks for your reply. I think your right it is all about how i feel and i think.

    Sometimes i hate to say ‘ i’m ok today’ as frighterned it will bring on the anxiety, i know that sounds silly and again that is just the anxiety again.

    So pleased to have found this site and so many people i can relate to.

  195. Clare Says:


    Hi guys, I’m wondering if someone could please help me with a couple of questions I have about anxiety. My problem is that I feel the symptons I am experiencing have not been described by anyone else therefore I don’t know whether it’s anxiety or not. Intermittently I get this weird feeling which is really hard to explain. I don’t think it’s DP. It’s like, just everyday normal things such as cooking dinner or watching TV get this weird feeling to them, like a scary feeling. It’s so hard to explain but I just get this uneasy, yuk feeling but not really like I’m detached from my surroundings. It does however match up with DP in that I seem to bring the feeling on by thinking of it. Just wondered if anyone knows what I’m on about?
    The other issue I am having trouble getting my ahead around is that of making decisions. I have developed a belief over time that you can always make a good decision by going with your gut feeling. A while ago however I felt like I went against my gut feeling by listening to my pyschologists advice to start taking medication for my anxiety. Anyway a few months on the medication had been very effective but I still can’t get past the idea that it was the wrong choice to take the medication so now am forever worried that something bad is going to happen because I went against my gut feeling. I can’t seem to get over this belief.


  196. simon Says:

    HI Wayne..yes but the thing is i tend to have this dizziness and light headed feeling once i woke up frm the bed till the nite i went to bed..the only time i dont feel dizzy is only when i am resting laying down on my bed.I am not sure if its anxiety or something else,but i have done so many test on cardiac etc..and the doctors keep saying its normal.
    Thanks for ur info anyway :)

  197. C Says:

    Candie. Thanks for the assurance. Im taking it day by day at the moment. one minute im fine the next im back to the horrible feelings.


    Its been a crazy two days. I cant tell you how much the things you say relate to me!! Im exactly the same as you, I cant think of anything without my anxeity following it up, do I just let it??? There doesnt seem much else I can do really.

    Do you feel you have come a long way since that or are u still feeling the same now? Yesterday was not a great day, woke up heart pounding and made me go off in a panic. My whole day was based around my thoughts, ive never been so aware of the thoughts in my head. The day went on and as I thought I was getting better i got worse and thought I was going to book myself into a ward I cant possibly carry on like this. Later in the evening I went to my boyfriends house, not wanting food but hungry if yano what I mean and suddenly I feel fine!! I have noticed im alot better now in the nights, im more relaxed! I dunno if its my boyfriend, knowing we are going to chill out i dunno!! Is that improvement do you think? I have to admit I am on beta blockers now, wether its a placebo or not im not sure but had a fairly good morning. Back to work tomor, not sure if its a good thing or a bad thing. Im going to get my work done this week!! Do you think by any chance that just getting on with my work is avoiding and therefore a secondary thing? my old life was relally hectic but I liked it does anyone think going back to this would help me feel normal again?

    The thing that scares me the most Jo and Candie is that I will have this MEMORY of the thoughts ive had forever. This is what goes round and round in my head (and i know its ruminating) but its something I honestly cant stop… its the fear. HAs anyone who has recovered been able to look at things which gave the anxiety and not had the memory if you know what I mean?

    JO (and everyone else)you must be so proud of yourselves for pulling yourselfs out of this with sheer willpower I can honestly say this is one of the hardest things ive ever encountered and sometimes I see that things will get better and sometimes I think, this is me forever and theres not alot I can do about it.

    Eileen, my stomach has settled a bit, i am doing the untensing thing and also just letting the thought im having just sail away. Its doesnt always wprk but it is getting better and that was my main problem. Im finding i always need the toilet tho which isnt great!!! In regards to your holiday accept the face that anxiety is still going to be there for it but also that you will be in a nicer place with none of your home worries, I keep doing the same as you saying for this meeting my stomach needs to be settled and it makes it worse. Let it be there and you enjoy ur holiday, ya never know a bit vitamin D might do you the world of good! Get on the Jet ski’s !!! 😉

  198. C Says:

    Dee! Im the same as you, dont say its a good day cause it will ruin the day then! im just seeing that as part of the anxiety and letting that thought go, its just another worry otherwise!! xx

  199. Jo Says:

    Hey Caz,

    Glad your starting to feel some improvements even if they’re only minor, it’s still great!:-) Whatever your head tells you just let it, you won’t get the last word if you know what i mean so don’t try.

    I don’t feel the same now as i used to, definately not, i’ve come a long way. Sometimes i’ve hit a setback and had the old feelings back but only briefly, because i come back here and i understand why i feel the way i do, and it passes. I still get the thoughts sometimes, memory and habit and all that, but they don’t make me feel like they used to because you de-sensitise to them and they don’t take up your whole day anymore your mind wanders onto whatever. It gets easier in time not to let certain things slip you up and the acceptance attitude becomes a part of you.

    I know exactly what you mean with the memory thing i just couldn’t get my head around how i would ever forget the things i’ve thought and how i’ve felt, and how in the future i’m going to feel, ‘will i just never think of anxiety is that how i’ll stay feeling okay?’ it’s not a case, i don’t think, of forgetting, you will be reminded by certain things but you will no longer associate those awful feelings with it because through acceptance you have enabled your body to heal and your reaction to them to change.
    It’s like Paul, he can talk about anxiety all day and he no longer gets any symptoms. You don’t need to try and do anything about your thoughts or the way you feel, all the questions that race round, all the wierd, odd, scary, upsetting or downright random thoughts are okay.

    When i was having my hypnotherapy i used to say to her i can’t go on like this, this isn’t life, and i took anti-depressants for a few months which i found didn’t make me feel better, but they perhaps took that real desperation feeling away. I was able to sit and feel dreadful and cry without needing to get out. I see now though that neither of those two treatments would ever have got me to the stage i am now, only the advice here has got me this far, and i can honestly say i am happy, and i never thought i’d be happy again. There’s good n bad days but thats life anyway.

    Caz I think going to work might be good for you because that is what you would normally do in your life so might as well start now and you can learn to work along side the anxiety for now. You say your life was really hectic, but you liked it, thats great, i think with anxiety you learn to not get as stressed things that don’t matter.

    I’m interested if anyone else feels the same, but i am glad that anxiety happened to me because it has allowed me to see what’s important in life and what isn’t. I no longer worry over things, i’m much more relaxed and am able to put things in perspective better than i was before. If it hadn’t have come to me i would still be a ticking time bomb of stress and worry (except i didn’t realise i was like that its only looking back that its obvious!:-). I am not fully recovered but i can see these things and that i am stronger because of it and you will too, and EVERYONE else!


  200. lindsey Says:

    Hi Clare

    I also get weird feelings of normal day to day stuff and find myself wondering about them. I sometimes find myself thinking i am doing the dishes and this sounds wierd i know but i get it with other stuff two general things in life i find it strange and dont like it but try to just say its normal for me at the moment and it will pass and it often does. I sometimes find myself thinking is this life in a dissappointed way and i have a lot to be grateful for i have two healthy children but cant help but feel like this. i think maybe beacuse i have been so detached from everything for the first 5 months that normal stuff now seems weird. can i ask what medication you are taking? dont get hung up on it if you feel it helps for now then thtas fine you can always speak to your doctor about coming off it in time if you feel it was the wrong choice remember whats good for one person doesnt mean good for the next person everyone different. i am on beta blocks and sometimes wish i hadnt started taking them but its too late i did as i would have taken anything that was given to me when this first happened to me so i try not to beat myself up too much over it. i will just have to deal with coming off them gradually which my doctor thinks i will start to do in the next couple of months and i have to admit i am nervous about it. if anyone has any advice about this i would be very grateful for some input. hope i have helped if only a little take care and let your thoughts be there they cant hurt you thats what i tell myself silly thoughts!!!!


  201. Candie Says:

    Caz i have lost memory of loads of things that make me anxious, if i look back at some of my old posts now i always find fears i have forgot. I also find hundreds of fears that are no longer around but i remember the thought content behind them.. saying that there is no association with them. E.g an old fear of knifes wouldnt be reminded of by using a knife. But maybe if i was to read someone else fears it id think ah yea i did too, but not fear it again if that makes sense.

    T i did psychology in the hight of my suffering at college, A level. If im honest it depressed me, hated to learn about depression, anxiety and anything else scary that i feared at the time. However, you will find most good psychologists are those who have recovered mentally from something themselves.. on my course i found most people had a reason to study it, a quite a few of them had depression, anxiety. Now at the end of my recovery i could go do that course and be fine, not care to hear of depression as im not depressed and dont fear it, not care to hear about anxiety as i dont fear it. Not trying to put you of, if its your passion go for it but dont just do it because you have experienced anxiety. Only 30% of it is to do with mental illness too, the rest is about memory, lots of case studies, crime psychology etc.

  202. Wayne Says:


    I too was the same way, light headed and dizziness from when I woke up till bed time. From this site I was told it was anxiety and by following the suggestions here I am doing better. I have had 2 echocardiograms, 4 EKG’s, 1 stress test and all have come back fine as well.

  203. Candie Says:

    Just to add to what i put to T, the reason i didnt enjoy psychology as it was all run of the mill text book stuff… nothing to do with self healing, all about science!

  204. lorryt Says:

    hi all

    well after a great couple of months, and i guess having faith in myself to recover, rather than keep reverting back here for assurance . i am having a bad few days!!. ironic after what i have just said !!. I think its more me reacting to life situations and amplifying the thoughts in my head and believing they are true. I am aware of what is happening to me now and how transient it is, after being anxiety free for so long i can see when things do go bottoms up the pattern we all get into. we have to stay cool and calm and it will pass. i reallly feel like screaming and crying today only because of the thoughts going on in my head that are unlikely to happen. just because i think them doesnt make them real. i wont harp on as it helps no one in the long run. just frustrating but i will come thorugh it. its all due to this place i have come this far. good to see new people on here seeking outstanding advice from Candie, PAul etc. have a great day all . it is possible for us all to recoverxxxxxxx

  205. C Says:


    Great to hear you have come so far, full recovery will probably be there when you least expect it! Ive cancelled my CBT appointment because i dont want to get confused I feel following one path will be alot easier. Im also trying to stop doing things to make myself better, going for a run cause it will make me feel better and eating healthy cause it will make me feel better, im just doing these things now because they have been proven to have a positive effect on life rather than on this illness.

    Although still anxious feeling better WITH it if you know what I mean, im kinda huffing alot and having the attitude of oh are you still hanging around? work is definatly a test for me. Im still taking the Beta blockers i took a big dose before going to bed and i didnt sleep well, its meant to be the opposite i dont get problems sleeping!! Not sure weather to carry on with these as i seem to be feeling better with them and my attitude togther or wean myself off them 20mg 3 times a day to 10mg to 5mg and then nothing. Im not sure but i have a feeling im using them as a crutch, trying not to think about it so much. hopefully when i feel less like i need them i will forget to take them! haha I wish.

    Glad to hear you are so positive about your setback if you know what I mean, it happened so what!! attitude is great. Im mentally preparing an understanding for this.

    im up and down at the moment and the scary thoughts are still there and its still hard to accept them…. but hey ho. At least im carrying on with life regardless wether they feeling in my stomach is there or not. Jo intamacy issues ever a big problem, im not going to stop or my boyfriend will defo panic but when the thoughts in my head kinda scary and not great!!! Getting better tho just letting them be there, they kinda attack me if you know what i mean, i dont get visions any more just a word that shouts at me.

    Candie its so great to hear that you have memories but you dont let them effect you! Thanks for taking the time to support me and I cant wait for the day I can help someone! I hope u know how great you all are.

    xx Faith and urm patience…. ahhhh a virtue

  206. sasha Says:

    Thanks Jo for the reply..

    I’m not sure though but i feel I am almost there!!
    dont want to be impressive about the situation as it would make me feel bad when i get the setback..just thought of sharing it here…
    other than that day i was panicking because mine is quite a strange one :) as at times i would just welcome DP as i dont want to feel any social tensions i became comfortable feeling that day i was expecting that and was meeting a difficult person whom i wasnt able to talk to with head on strong points i was looking for DP..thought about it..and it wasnt there then i felt panicky because all my feelings were real…then i get to know the feedbak of the other person which stops me from communicating on a flow..
    but i understood its all part and parcel of the process..its only patience and understanding that keeps me going…
    and now i have come to the REAL world wherein i can sense things…
    ofcourse i may have those odd moments for w while..but it feel good to feel all real..rather than hiding always in DP..just that i need a lot of confidence to think I’m doing good i dont have to be NICE ALWAYS so taht others dont get pissed off with me.
    thats the lesson i learnt ! and thats a big one indeed for me which actually got me into this..being too nice and rewarded..i’m learning how to say what I feel ALWAYS! or keep quiet rather not say something so taht others are pleased..!:)

  207. Jo Says:

    Hey Sasha!

    Thats great, i’m so pleased for you! I always think this is a good thing to remember in life ‘you can’t like everyone, and not everyone can like you’, it’s, much easier just to be yourself!:-)


  208. Jo Says:

    Hey Caz,

    Your totally right about going for your runs and eating healthy, don’t worry if your head says, ‘your just doing this because of anxiety, blah blah…’ it doesn’t matter.

    I know what you mean with being intimate. I found it was before i knew i had anxiety that i was worse, i was stressed and cross a lot and i’d got myself to the point of almost panic attack when it came to that, then when i realised i had anxiety i decided that was one of the things i wanted to change because it wasn’t me, this little cross person just wasn’t the real me. So when it came to being intimate i approached it with a much more relaxed attitude, my head would shout all sorts of things at me and at times i felt myself feel wierd but i didn’t let it affect me or start avoiding anything. I think thats the main thing, it’s not being intimate that bothers you it’s how you might feel when you are, but thats just anxiety and if you avoid it it will only prolong it. I would do the opposite of what my head was telling me. And trust me my head said lots of horrible, strange thoughts but just going with it was the best thing for me to do. The more you do it, the easier it becomes like with everything else. Now things in that department are brilliant and anxiety doesn’t even cross my mind.
    Practice makes perfect n all that!:-)

    Give yourself time though and don’t feel guilty about any thoughts you might have, they are only thoughts caused by adrenaline, backed up by sensitive nerves and adrenaline in your body which makes them seem so scary. They are not you.

    Sounds like you are starting to put things into practice anyway hun, you won’t be perfect allow yourself to make mistakes. Your on the right track.


  209. sasha Says:

    Thanks Jo..

    Its a big lesson I learnt in my life..even now dont know Y i think at times i think was that alright on my part to say that its not possible for me to do that ‘m sorry! but i have i immediately think about what i had gone THROUGH which gives me the courage to do so.. As they say anything that you experience is for a good one u will love to cherish them be it a bad experience u will learn from it and move on in life..!
    how about u Jo ? R u there or on your way to recovery?

    Cheers, :)

  210. Jo Says:

    Hey sasha,

    I’m doing good thanks, i hit a setback last week after months of feeling good but it’s not lasted long, i come back here and re-learn stuff. I honestly don’t know what i’d have done if i hadn’t found this place and found some answers to how i was feeling. You’re right, you have to learn from bad experiences and i think there’s many positives to be took from this one really.

    I hope you are doing well on your road to recovery too!:-)


  211. Chris Says:

    Hey folks,
    I think at times I understand this process of just excepting the way I feel and not worry that thoughts come and bring the tense scary feelings. I always find myself saying no big deal I can live with thi for awhile but than this thought comes right behind it almost automatic Which says the oposite, anxiety right? Went to a counslor with allot of experience she said I have anxiety nos what is that? by the way I felt I just needed a diagnosis cause I get caught up with fears of having other disorders, ring a bell anxiety right?

  212. Josh Says:

    Hey everyone
    I wish I could get on more often, unfortunatly I only have internet at work and when its busy I cant get on so….. I’ve noticed alot of people talking about everyday getting better even though set backs become involved. I think that is very inspirational. It’s hard to pull yourself out of the muck and mire with sheer willpower but its obvious to me now that it can be done. Everytime I come on here I feel inspired. I’ve been having good days and bad days myself, but I can recognize what it is and that makes a difference and I owe that in good part to the kind people on this web site. Does anybody else feel like you’ve become stronger (when you feel normal that is)? -T, its good to see you doing better. I’ve always loved psychology. I never when to school so I learned alot on my own buying text books and literature. This was before the anxiety though I don’t know how I would react now. I think I would have to be wise enough not to go through the books and say ” I have that, oh I have that too!” lol. I think it would be great to have a psychologist someone could go to that knows first hand how they feel. If you think it would make you happy to study psychology, I say go for it! T, I think you and I have had very similar experiences, If you would like I could send you my email address as well and your more than welcome to email me anytime you feel bad and the same goes for anybody else as well. We gotta stick together! Thanks guys.

  213. lisa Says:

    there just comes a time when you dont need “to try” anymore,eventually you just get back to normal without anxiety. you learn to fill your minutes, hour, n days with other things, the anxiety just becomes a bore!! :-)

  214. Davidina Says:

    Hi Lindsey – I know what you mean when you say you feel childish – your not at all childish, your just very vunerable at the moment. I can feel paranoid too and the same as you I don’t want to go down that road. I feel anxiety has robbed me of the person I used to be. But, like yourself, I am learning every day thanks to this site. When you say about support, do you mean your family and your workmates. It is hard to explain to people how you feel. They would never understand all the ins and outs of it. How can we explain that thoughts scare us. Hard ain’t it. I am progressing a little with the thought process – whe a thought comes – I tend to say SO WHAT before it gets too strong and its helping. I don’t know if this is right and I should see it through but at the moment it’s working for me. Well done with the weight loss. You should be proud of that. I lost over a stone when this all started for me which I couldn’t afford to lose but luckily have put it back on again. Can’t put my finger on it but I’m feeling a little better. Still feel a bit on edge at times but jump in the car and drive around awhile. Still absorbing Paul’s book’ Do you remember the name of Will’s book that was recommended too. I want to absorb as much as I can. Keep the faith – love D. XX

  215. christina Says:

    HI All,
    I have been experiencing setback or maybe just the up and down of recovery.
    Anyway, it feels like a bit of anxiety, reacting to thoughts, a down feeling, and eyes on me. I know it will go it’s just still hard when it’s here. It is like everything is being filtered through anxiety’s lens. And then I think yesterday, the day before, etc. felt so normal. Can anyone relate to the feeling of a heavy mood? That’s probably a silly question. Still it can help to get assurances from you guys!

  216. Meg Says:

    hi christina, I am fairly new to this site and still trying to wrap my head around all of Paul’s guidance, but I think I am understanding it more and more as the weeks go by. The last two weeks had been going pretty well for me. I had ups and downs, but the downs didn’t last long and I just didn’t care about them as much. I started to lose the fear of my symptoms of DP, scary thoughts, heat rushing to my head. But, this week I too had a setback, and I don’t think it was just a down day, but a true setback for a few days. I was really scaring myself – Am I doing this right? When will I see improvement?, I can’t stop thinking about it, etc until all the tingling and heat rushing to my head came back. I hadn’t felt those feelings since right before I found Paul’s site about a month ago. This totally got me down- I just wanted to think that my good weeks meant the bad was all behind me forever, I wanted to be better – NOW. But, again, this is all just a part of the process – and so so hard to accept. I try to look at it this way – if it were an easy road out of this condition, would we really have learned anything? Would we have an appreciation for being normal again? I don’t think we would – we always learn from these bad times, no matter how often they come or how many we have. It’s no fun – but it helps knowing we can all relate to each other and hearing from those who suffered and are now recovered – it give us hope!

  217. sasha Says:

    Hi christina…

    Even i feel I’m almost there..i dont have most of the symptoms or problems i had before .BUT, as you said feel very low.. and I try not to think about anything too much but the overall feeling is very lousy..absolutely no energy..

    I had to put on an effort to do something..I dont know y i fell the way i do..i dont know if its anxiety..But i had recovered a lot of symptoms which i am happy about . i wish i could maintain my emotional balance like a normal easy going person..

    may be in due course i will learn..
    if i could i will be bak here to share my story..:)

    if anyone cud share in their views on what they do to lift their mood wud be great to read..


  218. lindsey Says:

    Hi D

    “the mind works (one anxiety soloution)” is the name of the book you are after by will. let me know how you get on. The support i was talking about was from family. till next time hope you are well

    Lindsey XX

  219. C Says:

    Jo once again you have words that make so much sense! Im trying to stop reading the book now and scanning the website as this is just re-reading what I know, it time to put it into practice!! I had a twenty minute conversation yesterday without thinking about my anxiety!! woooooow. I know this is because of JO, Candie, Paul, Wil and everyones input on here. This website is fantastic, I cant imagine where I would be without the information I was given! Im not even close to recovery yet but im definatly getting there, im eating!!!! Trigger points such as things that remind me of my scary thoughts still pass me and i get a twinge in my stomach but it passes, which is good. Thanks again xx

    Candie I have sent a personal mail through pauls contact me page could you email me back when you get it

  220. candie Says:

    Hi Caz, i dont have access to Pauls contact page its personal for his work on here. I will be happy to reply on here though so feel free to ask anything :)

    Great to hear the positives from everyone

  221. Jo Says:

    Hi Caz,

    Yay for you! I’m pleased your beginning to see there’s a way forward, and your eating again! That means what your doing is working so you can take comfort from that.

    Keep with it hun, let me know how your getting on. Don’t be afraid to come back whenever you need re-assurance.

    I wish you all the best!!!:-)


  222. Jo Says:

    Hi Sasha and Christina,

    With regard to low mood, i’ve too found that my mood had been totally flat at times, and i’ve not been excited about doing things i normally would, i don’t know of it was in the book or the website but i read that low mood was part of it. Just like normally, some days we’re happier than others. So sometimes we’re gona feel flat but thats alright.


  223. Paul David Says:

    I got the mail Candie and ‘C’ it has been done for you.

  224. C Says:

    Thanks JO!!

    Ive also realised that ‘guilt’ for me plays a massive part and when I see the people that remind me of my scary thought i ge the jolt cause I feel guilty :( its silly really considering this has stayed in my head and not gone anywhere else. Ive got over some big hurdles this past week, with time mabye the guilt and memory habits will die too? what you think? I blame living in England we need more sunshine!!! ps. Ive found comedies and joking around a great focus for the mind!

    How u feeling this week Jo? did the set back last for long? are your memories fading? you deserve to be feeling great especially for taking the time to help me xx

  225. T Says:

    Josh I left my e-mail adress on my previous posts so be free to e mail me any time.
    Candie, I always liked psychology and after everything with anxiety I felt even more that I should become a psychologist. But I will see what will I do.
    And I think I am back to normal like I was before. Its very weird,like I’ve been asleep for months and now I am woken up. I have a problem relaxing because I am afraid that if I relax and enjoy feeling normal I will slip into madness without realzing it, you know? its like if I don’t control and monitor my thoughts and feelings and just let go I will go crazy. I realize that this thinking means I am not 100 % like i was, but honestly I think I can’t never be really the same after all thats happened. You go through things yopu never even imagined you could, the thoughts, you just cant really be the same after all that but maybe thats a positive thing, ypou look at life a bit differently.
    So now I asking peple who are recovered like scarlet, candie etc. did it feel weird when you felt normal?? and with a little bit of fear that you might feel bad again because feeling normal is so unusual and strange? I might feel bad again but I will try to enjoy and not think about what may happen but I just want to know is it ok to feel this way?

  226. candie Says:

    I remember first feeling normal T, sounds so bizzare but it frightened the life out of me… though i had mania or something as felt so strang to feel normal and happy.. got used to it now mind you! I think you have been anxious so long you need to get used to been ‘you’ again.. your not 100% no but not far of, may be few setbacks till your full 100% mind you but there has to be as recovered means not fearing any of it :)

  227. candie Says:

    Ok Paul

  228. Clare Says:

    Teresa J I just realised you had commented back on here! Many Thanks!
    Im going ahead with my holiday, I dont care how I feel im not backing down! Its been about 5 weeks since I started with Pauls technique and im feeling better, sometimes I feel im pushing negative thoughts out when I come but I know in time ill be so programmed to let them be there I wont have to think ‘just ignore it and keep going’!

    Teresa J or anyone else do you have anytips for surviving a holiday? The build up keeps bringing feelings and its still 2 months away! I find the physical things the hardest to deal with and these are the ones that will try get me on the holdiay- shaking, feeling sick, upset bowel’s, dry mouth etc. How do you deal with these? They come everytime I have to do something holiday related such as book tickets or buy clothes (which is a lot being a 20yr old girl!!). I plan on staying in an airport hotel the night before so will be dealing with feelings for another daya s well. Even writing this I can see me working myself up over NOTHING but you know how it is!

    Clare x

  229. Josh Says:

    Does anybody else have or have had problems with music or songs going through your mind constantly?Just curioius. It wouldn”t be so bad if they were decent songs ……

  230. T Says:

    Josh I had that, I would have a song stuck in my mind whole day, and like you say usually some annoying song I don’t even like. Dont let it bother you and it will go away.

  231. christina Says:

    thanks everyone for your replies, you are awesome. we are on this journey together, which is better than traveling alone.

  232. T Says:

    candie, thank you. I thought “wow, now you are afraid of feeling normal- you are definately crazy”lol But I guess it is normal after all that time to feel bit scared of the feeling. I even search someting bad to think about or to feel weird because I am so used to it. Like I said I may be back crying for help and scared but I will now try to relax and enjoy:)
    christina, well said, people here are absolutely amazing and supportive, its a wonderful thing

  233. Candie Says:

    Josh iv had that, and words or sayings of tv etc.. all classed as mind chatter.

    No probs T, use the normal time to relax and give your nerves a break, do thinks you enjoy :)

  234. sasha Says:

    Hey T…
    this is what i felt exactly few days bak u can see my msgs posted before though i cudnt exactly convey what i was trying to say…
    becuse after suffering for like 2 years i had been going ahead and doing things no matter what as a ‘must’ recover and i never felt real apphensions which i would have felt otherwise that is if i had been i was just focused on doing things not on how i should do or what will happen if i do and the things associted with how a normal mind works..
    but when mind is becoming clearer its weird i shud say u dont know what to think and though these are normal thoughts which u would normally think u tend to panick now because u were not feeling them for months and all of a sudden..
    not only that mind tells u don think too much as that was what brought u here so u get confused with the thought process!
    so actually i was confused as i cud not say whetehr it was me panicking for having my mind clearer or its just another setbak…
    but T, i am in the same boat..
    still keep on saying i am in the process keep going…hmmm
    Candie , this happens right at the end? isnt it?? that is when we r near to recovery right??

  235. sasha Says:

    Hey Candie..
    pls see the above post happens right at the end of recovery stage is it? or just half way tru??

  236. Candie Says:

    Sasha yes that was when things really started looking up for me, days turned into weeks of feeling good with minimal symptoms that didnt phase me. At first i panicked at feeling normal, i thought i felt weird and its like id woke up from the fear. Strange feeling really but went so quickly, now i feel normal so often it feels weird to be anxious again but i do just accept it as the last dregs of recovery

  237. Jo Says:

    Haha, i used to get some right random saying and names circulating in my head, i remember one day it was sheena easson! I don’t even know who that is, and another day it was ‘body from baywatch but a face from crimewatch’ cos i’d heard the one who plays mimi maguire in shameless say it, could not get it out my head for ages!

    Caz are you now called ‘C’?! I’m feeling great now thanks, setback didn’t last long, badly for a day then i remembered what i know and stopped giving it the power and i’m getting on with things, feeling great. I find that when come out of each setback i seem to have a better understanding of anxiety and therefore any symptoms bother me much less.

    How you doing recently? Hope your having glimmers of goodness!:-)


  238. Ross Says:

    Hi there everyone,
    Not been on in good while , for about a week I actually felt 90% normal it was amazing i think it was cos i had few days off work and finally had some good sleeps. But last few days I have been feeling my old habits and funny sensations coming back , this is very frustrating cos i was so closed to feeling 100% and forgetting all about this whole thing .
    Any advice on this?

    I also keep feeling I cant think properly and thoughts of dyin always pop in my head . I also keep thinking that maybe im depressed and dont do know it .

    I know its normalto have setbacks but when i felt good i totally forgot i had anxiety therefore i feel i forgot everythin i learned

  239. lindsey Says:

    Hi Candie

    Was hoping you could help me and give abit of reassurance.. I have been doing ok but though i am feeling ok i cant stop thinking about anxiety so though i am not really feeling anything i am thinking about it constantly and i am trying to let it be there and pay no attention but its not working or i am not doing it right? Also i am thinking alot that maybe i am going to be pron to a mental health problem in the future because of this and if the littlest thing is going to tip me over the edge? Why cant i stop thinking about it even when i am going anout my business like cleaning out the garage today i enjoyed it but was still thinking about anxiety and what it has done to me and what is down for me in the future? i am about 7 months into this now and found this website in about jan/feb i think. i am trying to go with it and felt funny last night but ended up being ok i did react to it but calmly if that makes sense was watching tv and it came on me so i decided to go to bed and did so and didnt have to bad a nights sleep so i think i coped well does this sound ok to you or like i payed to much attention? sorry to ask so much i have never done this before but i am in need of a little help please!!!


    Lindsey XX

  240. mbll2772 Says:

    Hi everyone im new to anxiety. ive suffered from it for about 6 month now.Started with a severe panic attack one day at work i know it was a panic attack cause i headed straight to the have every day anxiety spent thousands of dollars on doctors andtests cause imconvinced im dying from something it changes every week,one week the headaches and neck pain is a annerysm or tumor or my heart or cancer so on and so on.Im driving myself crazy tring to link my physical symptoms to my mental symptoms.Ive tried 3 different antidepressents all made me worse i gave each one about 3 weeks.Im in need of some advice here have you all experienced these symptoms even if u dont feel anxious that day or time?
    thanks michelle

  241. sasha Says:


    its true ,when ur mind becomes clearer u tend to think a lot so it slowly starts googling once again and u tend to panick..but one good thing is that u learn to tell ur mind stop ! its not worth it..unlike before u never knew th end result of overthinking we thought that will bring the solutions..but actually it only made normal situations into worst scenarios all with the wildest imaginations..Creative people we are having an inclination towards pessimism always…

    but now at times i become conscious if its a useless thought and is able to tell myself move on its not worth thinking…and can start afresh..
    i think its better to cultivate this habit so that it will be helpful in future not to overdo the thought process…

    i feel the more we can indulge in something be it a hobby or anything starting from reading or just arranging things really feel good..
    i guess when we revert ourselves more into the work we are doing we unknowingly gets more focus and may not give unneccessary attention to those unwanted thoughts..its a slow process..but for a start we need to engage in things which we really it even watching our fav tv show…slowly we get engrossed..even we dont …never force yourself ..because in due course mind will notice the things happening outside..bit by it gets bored by thinking the same…

    and thats when u percieve change…its a slow process ..peeling the anxiety off layer by layer…but it will…as there are people who have come all their way to be as normal as they were before…

    Cheers all,
    Have a good day!

  242. Teresa J Says:

    Just a quick little reply – it is normal that you are going to feel anxious about this holiday. You will not stop that, so don’t try (I know it’s hard as it is basic instinct to try and stop something that is unpleasant). The more you accept that booking tickets, buying clothes etc are going to remind you of ‘the holiday’ and this in turn is going to raise your anxiety levels the less alarm you will feel when it happens, so it will come but it will not make you ‘spin’. If you can try to accept you are going on this holiday – you do not have to feel perfect whilst waiting to go, you do not have to feel perfect whilst on it – you are just going. You will have momnets when you remember your anxiety but you will have lots of moments when you don’t and YOU WILL BE FINE. Nothing bad will happen to you – you don’t have a magic wand, but neither does anyone else without anxiety that is going on holiday – they just don’t fear the worst. It’s the fear we need to drop, and inorder to do that there is only one way and that is to pay it no respect. Believe me, i know it’s not easy – and it really is a bit at a time, there is no deadline to anxiety and the moment you start dictating the terms it gains power. So instead of saying I want to make sure I am fine for holidays – try saying it doesn’t really matter, nothing awful’s going to happen – I’ll go, see how it goes and I’ll enjoy not having to control myself. Leave go of the reigns – accept whatever – and without contradicting myself you’ll fall into your holiday and have a good time. You will be fine.

  243. candie Says:

    Hi Lindsey

    your mind will automatically stop thinking about it on its own, you are doing nothing wrong thinking about it.. just let your attention be on anxiety- its been you for so long your bound to think of it. Paul once said its like coming out of prison, people feel weird getting back to normal and have ‘prison’ on there mind all the time. Same as people who have had illnesses like cancer etc… it takes time to move on so just go with it :)

  244. lorryt Says:

    once again i find myself here, with the thoughts again. what a turn around. i realise it is now great to feel normal which after experiencing it. is a big step forward. Although it doesnt feel like a step forward. i know its only memory and habit doing it but i find it sooooo frustrating. as a family we are under a bit of pressure at the moment, and i guess because i am still vulnerable it seems to hit me and kicks off my anxiety.i look at the clock when i get up and think i hve to go all day with these feelings again , still carrying ona s normal and not letting these manic thoughts afect my physical day but mentally its draining me. seems like every though i have seems to explode into something totally out of proportion. more pracrtice in leting thought go i guess.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  245. lindsey Says:

    Hi michelle

    Yes i have the headaches and the neck pain shoulder pain etc and i have freaked out that there is something seriously wrong with me and that is being over looked and i still get the sore head and wonder but now i have learnt to let it be and know its a syptom of anxiety that comes and goes and one day will pass. i suffer less with neck and shoulder pain now though they still come from time to time but not to often. Some syptoms stick around longer than others and some just dissappear and then you get new ones or as i have often thought not new but previously over shadowed by the old ones if you know what i mean!! I am seven months in now.

    One question have you read the book??? If not you should and as soon as you can purchase it, it will really help you understand what is happening to you and how to move on with it and go forward.

    feel free to ask any other questions if i can help with anything i will. till next time take care and hope i have helped if only a little.

    Remember you are not alone and not the only one!!!

    Lindsey XXX

  246. lindsey Says:

    Hi Candie

    Thank you for your reply it will help alot and is nice to have some reassurance from time to time

    Have a nice day!!

    Lindsey XX

  247. sasha Says:

    hi Candie

    I just loved what u said in the previous post that people become so used to having that they feel kind of restless if they dont have anything to think about.. its like a compulsion…as if feeling free is somewhat suffocating..and somehow mind wanders and find something to crib on which is what i am hating at the moment..

    i think it takes time for the mind to acknowlege that it can remain without constantly thinking about something..
    i wish i could just indulge and enjoy the moments..i have them but for a very short while..!
    It so nice to have few moments of no thoughts and just getting engrossed in whatever we do…hmm
    i believe it will happen eventually.. it may take time and moving on..
    when i do or say something..lots of y’s and how’s taunt me…now that i think my mind is becoming clearer..ealier it was like i just did what i knew so no confusions..and no second thoughts..
    i wish thats possible when i become normal with emotions..
    what do u say Candie?


  248. Meg Says:

    Hi everyone, I could use a little advice/reassurance. From the looks of it, I seem to be in a pretty similar place with Lindsey – suffering for about 7 months now and found the site about one month ago, got rid of a lot of symptoms but think about it consciously all the time. I was doing pretty well these last two weeks – I even had the thought “I have cracked this thing!” cross my head numerous times throughout those two weeks. I was living along side it, I wasn’t fearful and I was really beginning to feel like myself, again. I still had a few worrying moments, but they passed quickly. Well this week has been pretty hard for me. I think it is because I started focusing on what I was “doing” to have such a good two weeks. I started to get scared because I didn’t know what I was doing right and was afraid I wouldn’t know how to remember how to do it right. I know that it’s because I gave myself a break from “trying” to get rid of it, but now I am in a rut. I find myself fighting with myself to stop worrying, obsessing and having this inner dialogue with myself allllll day (especially in the morning). I have lost quite a few of the fears I used to have – but if I could just stop worrying about having anxiety I know I would be in a much better position to step back into recovery. I understand that its habit, that I have nothing to fear and this is to be expected, but I guess it’s hard to fully accept to move on. I definitely agree that even if you take a step back, you do have the knowledge because of Paul’s book and this blog to take two steps forward. But, I am struggling to move forward again. Is this just me or have other stuggled like this before? Am I actually improving or getting worse? Any kinds words of encouragement very welcome!

  249. Candie Says:

    Sasha just think of all these thoughts like having a song stuck in your head, adrenalin will make everything in your mind go on an automatic loop and fast and sometimes scary too, let it… as when the adrenalin is gone this wont happen. Nothing to figure out here really, just let it be and allow :)

  250. garrett Says:

    hey everyone, just a few things i would like to talk about and it would be awesome if someone could get back to me on this. could anyone give me some insight/advice/tips on how to truly accept and not just put up with the symptoms? i notice that when i try to accept, i follow with a question like , “ok is it gone yet? are my symptoms gone?”. and i know this is all wrong and of course my symptoms wont be gone….there have been times when i truly accept my anxiety and it never fails me, i always improve..but i get stuck in the cycle of putting up with it/not accepting it and wanting it to instantly go away. any tips on certain ways to insure that i accept and dont put up with????

  251. selma Says:

    hi nina, if you jump back on here i would love to hear a little about your neg experience with marijuana. mine was so horrible that i STILL think about it sometimes, almost 5 years later. part of my anxiety now is that i think that it must have caused some serious psychological disorder in me and was not just panic. i was out of my skin. the feelings were really torture and i don’t know how to describe them really. i think if i could be convinced that a panic attack could really feel THAT bad, i would have an easier time accepting. but the last part of my recovery hinges on the fact that i still sometimes doubt that what i have is even anxiety at all….

  252. Marica Says:

    Hi, I am new to all of this! I am currently working with a Dr that is trying this same technique with me. I am ok at the accepting part but the allowing is the hard part (of course, you all probibly know this). Here is an example, I am de-personalized 24/7, blurry vision, loud noises bother me, I hate when I am in a room and other conversations are going on when I am trying to talk, I feel like my head is going to exploed, I feel like am not really in the places I am in, not totally conected.

    So, am I supposed to look for the emotional feelings that make me feel this way or just allow the physical feelings? Should I go deeper into the emotional feelings so that I can accept and allow them?

  253. Nina Says:

    Hey Selma,
    I had a few days that I didnt come on here, and I came and saw your question (isnt that ironic?). I know how you feel my bad trip has stay with me almost a year later. I have gotten over it a little but i still think sometimes, “damn I should have never did that”, but Im better now. What happen to you, no matter how bad it was (mine was pure pure pure Hell, it was soo horrible) it is anxiety. This was all a bad reaction that has stayed with you and even though it might not sound “logical”, it is true, trust me. you havent caused psychological problems to yourself, you just had a bad reaction that still hunts you sometimes. When I tell my friends they tell me, “Nina, its been almost a year” but what they dont understand is that a bad reaction to something can stay with you for sometimes. I have search the internet up and down and there is nothing that said that marijuana causes some serious psychological disorder. It can make you anxious, paranoid and/or depersonalized BUT its all temporary. Just try to think of this as a bad event that happen in your life and when the thought comes to your mind just accept as a bad experience that you have and try to move on, you will see that you will slowly move on, dont rush the process just go with it :-)
    hope this helps you selma and feel free to ask me anything,

  254. Nina Says:

    By the way I just popped up here because i wanted to let everybody know that im doing a Speech about Generalized Anxiety Disorder :-)
    Interesting, isnt it :-)

  255. C Says:

    Hey Jo yeh decided to change my name its a lot cooler dont ya think hah, long story. hope your feeling great. Myself im like a rollercoaster, I cant tell you if im getting better or not I have no idea. I feel like im just living the best I can with the way I feel. Sometimes Im great and think im going to be fine eventually I will feel like this all the time. Then I see a trigger point and my mind goes into overdrive again and I think the what ifs they come naturally and i dont try and stop them, what if people knew what if i have to live my life feeling like this. I hear of people having it for years and i genuinely feel I cant cope. If i left my boyfriend i would ruin his life if anything happns to me my mum and brothers would not cope. Im so stuck sometimes. I watch films and see accidents happen and my first thought is always, hmmm be handy if that happened to me! OMG what has happened to me. I used to be so postitive and happy now im just looking for a way out of this existance. I went out friday night with my friends and actually had a great night, but when I came home started all again, I cant be busy all the time. :( do you or candie remember feeling like this? I know will said this existance wasnt going to be great while on the road to recovery but i feel the memories are so embedded sometimes i will never rid of them. I know acceptance is the key here but im finding it hard to except these thoughts cause they are horrid. :( letting the thoughts have their space is also hard. as you can tell one of them bad days.

  256. dee Says:

    Hi everyone,

    Hope you all had a good weekend?
    Just wanted to get some thoughts from you all, i am expecting my first baby and oftern have concerns that my baby can tell when i am having a day full of anxiety and get concerned that it will affect the baby or be passed on? is this stupid?. I am sure lots of people still have children or have had children then are affected by anxiety, but it took a long time for me to decied when was best to have a child. But as always part of the anxiety makes me over think everything… or it could be the hormones i guess??

    Feed back would be great. Thanks :)

  257. C Says:

    I wish I could stop overthinking when I see a trigger point!!!!! :( Its so hard not to think, its fine, its not you its not this or to change the subject or to ”DO” something. i feel like im going backwards with this part of my anxiety

  258. lindsey Says:

    Hi ALL

    does anyone know if this could be herediatry? dont know if spelt that right sorry!!!

    ta linzx

  259. Wayne Says:

    Good day!

    I seem to be back on track with still the daily dose of odd feelings and feeling off balance. I am really stepping up my exercise routine back to what it was. I find the longer I excercise the longer I go without these feelings of being odd. Also, I seem to be at a point where I am waiting for something to happen, for anxiety to kick in, especially after running or biking. I read some previous posts and this all seems to be part of recovery process, am I understanding this right? Thanks….

  260. Candie Says:

    Hi Dee.. i have a baby and he can never tell if im anxious, nobody ever can as i keep it to myself and get on with things

  261. dee Says:

    Hi Candie,

    Thanks for your reply, i know it may seem like a stupid question to have asked as i to have plenty of days where i feel anxious and no body knows, so im sure that will be the same with the baby. Just would hate to pass this onto him/her and im sure again this is just my anxiety again… just hate the feelings it gives at times. Do you ever feel like you may lose control? if thats the best way of putting it or that your just waiting for something to happen?…

  262. Angie Says:

    Hey dee,

    I had my fourth and last baby when I was 37 I’m 39 now. I know what you’re going through…I went through all the worries about my anxiety and how it may affect the baby and of course it didn’t make it easier that at my age the doctor needed to run all these extra tests and warn me about all the risks involved in having her…well I had some of my worst anxiety episodes while I was pregnant I guess due to the added worry but I did everything in my power to exercise, get plenty of rest, eat right, and follow the advice of paul and all the others who share their experiences on here…and guess what…my pregnancy and labor turned out well with no problems at all…she is the happiest baby i have ever seen and to think i went through my pregnancy on pins and needles…and no she absolutely is not aware of my anxiety she just lives in her own happy little world. I have never let my anxiety and fears stop me from being the best mom i can be to my children…it’s not easy sometimes but it’s getting easier. By the way i had a good ob doc. who told me that anxiety would not harm the baby and that gave me a little more reassurance. Let us know how it all turns out I’m sure you’ll be fine and trying to keep up with a happy energetic 2 year old pretty soon like i am now…so get your rest your gonna need it he he!!!

    Best wishes to you and your baby!!!

  263. Candie Says:

    Hi Dee i used to yes it was just fear making me feel like that, you cant pass anxiety on no- the only way your child would end up anxious would be out of excessive stress. As a mother your instinct will be to protect the child and nurture it.. remembering anxiety is a learnt behaviour, which would be hard for a child to learn if you are already cautious about enflicting it upon them! So no you wont make your child anxious, you may feel anxious at times, but your child wont know..if anything having a baby litrally saved me! I know it sounds soppy and i wouldnt go round tellin the anxious to get pregnant to recover, but having my son changed my focus gradually from me to him.. id do it all again in a heartbeat!

  264. Jo Says:

    Hey C,

    Your alright, what you are describing, i went through also, it is very up and down in the beginnings of anxiety and the feelings are so powerful that of course you find it hard to accept. Acceptance gets easier with time and as you start to see improvements however minor. remember your body is full of adrenaline at the moment which is why you feel the way you do. It wont disappear over night, frustration and desperation, doubting all come with it because you have anxiety. You will see and hear things that trigger stuff but you know that, so it’s nothing to be afraid of, it’s nothing new that can harm you in any way.

    It’s a process of desensitising to the thoughts and feelings, not adding fuel to the fire i suppose, just allowing yourself to feel however you feel and not ‘trying’ to do or feel any different. So you see a trigger and your mind goes into overdrive and babbles allsorts, ‘oh no’, ‘i must accept’ etc etc, let it, let your body feel however it does and carry on with whatever your doing. Its to be expected that you wont find this easy, no body does, your doing the right thing by not trying to change the what if’s or answer them. The more you see your trigger points and expose yourself to them, don’t avoid them, the more you are allowing yourself to become used to them and your anxiety and you will de-sensitise in time, they wont have the same effect.

    The most important person in your life is yourself. If you look after yourself first you are better able to look after the other people in your life that you love. anxiety blows things hugely out of proportion and as your mind settles you will not have these worries, you do not need to worry about how your family would feel if anything happened to you for example, if your anxious mind throws it out there then fine but you do not need to actively pursue it.

    The main thing you need to be is patient with yourself, you are doing the right things, it’s frustrating and scary at times i know. When i was bad i’d have done anything for a seconds peace, couldn’t eat, was totally unable to think normally. If i can do it so can you, and we will all help you whenever you need it.

    Keep the faith!:-)

    xx xx

  265. Clare Says:

    Thanks Teresa J, its so good to know its not just me wondering around airport terminals feeling like this. Ive taken on bored what you say and just getting on with things, if I see some clothes I just go for it and buy them!! When people mention it to me I just talk about it and let the feelings be there without adding fear to them! Nothing will ever happen so I just try to get on!
    Thanks again for taking the time to help me!

  266. christina Says:

    The hardest thing for me to accept in this setback is the low mood. Of course, the more I think about it, the more it seems to matter. Does anyone have some experiences to share. I would appreciate it much.

    Are Patrick, Victor or Diana out there? We were all kind of dealing with setbacks and I was wondering how things were going for them.

    Thanks :)

  267. selma Says:

    dee, i can really speak to your question. i had some pretty bad anxiety and depressive episodes while pregnant. i never got help for it or took meds. i just coped somehow. but some night i would awake with such intense panic i was sure my baby was just suffering along with me :(( i can ASSURE you this is not the case. the proof is my bubbly, happy, healthy one year old. more people tell me that he is THE happiest baby they have ever seen. i think the risk for depression and anxiety while pregnant has more to do with how you are caring for yourself- are you eating? are you resting? etc. they talk about low birth weight a lot so just watch your weight. but i can guarantee that you aren’t passing on this bad energy to your baby. and i have had some bad days WHILE being with my son now and he never has a clue. being with him is stronger than any antidepressent under the sun. his smile really does take away my anxiety in an instant. some days i don’t feel as good as i would like to while playing with him, but i still play. i still read. i still give him lots of hugs and kisses. he would never know the difference. i’ll never forget one day i was having such a hard time but i drew his bath and put his toys in and just hung out with him while he played and slowly the bad moment passed. i feel a sense of security when i’m with him because he looks up to me so much and relies on me so much.

    nina- thanks so much for your feedback about the marijuana instant. HELL is what i always use to describe it. i was out of my skin with anxiety. and the ruminating over what happened slowly caused a depression.i will go months without thinking about it and then all of a sudden, it creeps back in!

    can anyone speak about this symptom- i will just be in the moment, doing something perfectly content, and then it’s like i WILL the anxiety in. i almost REMIND myself to have it. then i get so sick of that sensation or that feeling that a wave of dread comes over me. then i literally have to will myself to just keep going. i am having one of those days. it’s so hard. anyone that can relate? how does this symptom get any better??

  268. Jo Says:

    Hey Selma,

    The ‘willing the anxiety in’ is something i’ve had too, can be doing whatever and it’s just like ‘oh yeah, remember blah blah blah’ in my head for me but i just don’t react to it anymore, i’m not disappointed it happened i don’t give it as much attention as i used to. I’m finding thats how i’m making my final steps toward recovery. I still get the wierd thoughts n stuff but my body doesn’t react with the other anxiety symptoms anymore.

    Hope that helps,


  269. C Says:


    Thanks again I really hope I am recovering even if it is slowly. My crazy mind does as selma says ‘remember ur anxious’ remember all those horrible thoughts you had’ you almost feel like ur doing it to urself. Sometimes I fear it and get the adrenalin shoots other days im just annoyed at it and just take a big huff and get on with it! I mean what else can I do? I feel like im recovering from rehab and learning to face the outside world again, its nuts. I keep picturing myself in the future being able to go for a walk and think ‘wow rememeber those silly thoughts, you must have been one tired lady’.

    Its so hard to not react to my thoughts if you know what i mean, i cant help but take a deep breath or think let go let go. Sometimes I shift my eyes and then start a new conversation. Im rarely on my own which im not sure if its a good thing or a bad thing.I cant even enjoy a simple walk or going for a meal.

    as for the trigger points, its a battle of facts versus emotions. I have the facts and cause im so tired my anxiety is deciding to challenge them. This is by the far the hardest thing ive ever had to deal with but I will deal with it, I have to. Going to read pauls book again I think to help reassure me. I wish I didnt feel so sick. hope everything ok with u Jo I should be paying you for helping me lol xx

  270. Davidina Says:

    Hi Candie or Scarlet – Can you help – There was a comment from either Ruth or Fiona about Will’s book and another about (being Happy). I have been reading back the comments and cannot find it. Could you help me with the names of the books and where I could get them. I think this was a comment that has been lost. I an finding Paul’s book fantastic. I know where I was going wrong now. When I felt bad, I would worry about it all day and keep myself in the cycle. I have been having more good times now since grasping this. I used to analyse everything. ( it must be this or that that caused me to feel this way and everybody must know how I feel.) I try not to analyse now and just get on with my day. I am far from being recovered but I know the road now and am much less fearful. Just want to read more now. As Paul and Will are friends, I’m sure he won’t have a problem with me seeking Will’s book and the other on Happiness. Thanks guys – D – XX

  271. C Says:

    JO, How hard is it not to tell ya self to stop thinking about urself?? im almost dizzy. lol. there is such a big difference to accepting these feelings and emotions and actuallu accepting them, sounds confusing even saying it. xx

  272. Davidina Says:

    H Lindsey – couldn’t find the book even on amazon – Had to ask Candie or Scarlet. Hope you don’t mind. Read some of your posts and can relate to them also. Hope things are going a little better. Till next time Love D – XX

  273. lindsey Says:

    Hi D

    I dont know why i have just done it and it comes up every time on amazon just choose the caterogry books and type in will beswick search and it comes up? i am thinking about getting it myself was waiting to see what you thought. cant help with the other book about hapiness as i dont know that one or seen that post. till next time


  274. Nicola Says:

    Hi there, I think the happiness book referred to is ‘Stop Thinking and Start Living’ by Richard Carlson – a brilliant book I highly recommend it :)


  275. lindsey Says:

    Hi D

    Nicola is right that book rang a bell with me so i went on my amazon basket and it was in there for purchasing when i next could and had put it in there to save it (and i must of got it off this website or i wouldnt have known about it)!! so i have just been on and ordered it and will’s too. Hope you manage to do the same!! will let you know how i get on.

    Thanks NICOLA thats really helpful i will look forward to recieving it. The one thing i did notice in the reviews for it was that they where all about depression bar one, so is it useful for anxiety or just life in general and making the most off it either way will be helpful??


    Lindsey XXX

  276. Chris Says:

    Hi guys,
    you know somthing I have noticed that I feel maybe a sign that you really need to work on letting go. I am talking about times when your anxiety seems to be in the back ground and you are able to properly place the thoughts and feelings you have and you are going about your day without much interuption, then somebody brings up a question like “how do you feel today” or “I heard of somthing that might help you”. I realize people are just concern bit allot of times I just do not want to be reminded. I think it is good to recongnize this. Can anyone else relate to this? I thought this was a neat observation, maybe just comon Sence to others.

  277. Tony Says:

    Hi everyone. I just found this site and wanted to say hi. There are a lot of good topics here. Hope to learn more.



  278. candie Says:

    Hi Davidina Wills book is called a Mind works, google will beswick a mind works and his site will come up.

    the other was richard carlsons stop thinking start living

  279. yolande Says:

    Hi Scarlet,

    I remember sometime back you mentioned that when you were like 95-99% on the recovery scale, you still had the uneasy feeling.

    Can you explain more about this feeling cos I have been feeling thus like strange/ uneasy.
    When people talk or laugh at my office, i feel strange. I dont know how to explain this feeling. it’s like you feel left out etc.

    If anyone would like to share i wud appreciate it too.

    Thank you!

  280. Davidina Says:

    Hi Nicola – Thanks for the information on the books. Just couldn’t remember the name of it. Thanks again.

  281. Davidina Says:

    Hi Candie – Thanks also for your help in acquiring the books. Been really helpful.

  282. Davidina Says:

    Hi Lindsey – How are you doing. Managed to get on site for the books. Was typing in the name of the book and not Will Beswick. Got it now. I still feel two steps forward and one back. Trying not to let it upset me. I always seem to feel better when the weather is warm. Love D – X

  283. Jo Says:

    Hey C,

    I know it is a bit confusing at first, mainly because of how you feel anyway. You will think about yourself, a lot because this is a big scary thing thats happened and quite traumatic so it’s not just gona go away tomorrow. Someone on here once put something i found really useful which was, become comfortable with being uncomfortable. Don’t beat your self up for thinking ‘let go’ or taking a deep breath, your bound to think that because you know thats what you’ve got to do. The less power you give your thoughts the less they will affect you, you know what causes them, they are not important. I think it’s the same with a lot of symptoms, the less you care about it the less power it has. One of my particular symptoms was, tight throat like a constant lump in it, when i first started with it, i would try to loosen it, never worked obviously. Once i stopped caring about it it went away. Still comes on randomly sometimes but i don’t give it much thought and i forget about it.

    How are you doing today anyway?

    xx xx

  284. Candie Says:

    No problem Davidina

    Yolande i think thats the feeling yes, where you feel sort of reserved, not anxious all the time as such anymore but like your holding back a bit from life and happiness. Not depressed either, just a bit flat and fed up. It can be diff for everyone but that last bit of recovery is the longest, but the best as your no longer fed up of anxiety or bothered by it anymore.. it does cross your mind from time to time but in a ‘so be it’ way. Like earlier i felt a rush of adrenalin which lingered for an hour- didnt bother me, anyone even the none anxious can have these moments when tired or stressed anyway so i just thought ok do ya thing. Its hard to explain but i really dont mind been anxious anymore, i learnt to live with it and take it with a pinch of salt.

  285. Jess H Says:

    Hello Paul,
    I am new to this site but I am aware of anxiety as my sister has suffered for about a year now. I know i used to worry about her, as having all these strange sypmtoms really upset her so I worried she was upset.
    I am guessing that is why i developed anxiety although our symptoms are very different.
    However after a couple of weeks my symptoms have changed and now its asthough i cant explain how i feel! is this normal? it almost makes me question whether I actually have anxiety or is it something else?!
    whereas before i woke up with a foggy, tight head and a pang in my belly. but now i kind of feel wierd but cant pin point it like before.
    has anyone else experienced this? confused and not being able to explain how they feel???
    please help as im worrying! x x x x

  286. lindsey Says:

    Hi Candie

    i always got the impression you were recovered but from your post above am i right in thinking you not but happy to live with it ? sorry for the confussion if any!!

    Lindsey XX

  287. lisa Says:

    candie your spot on there, wev been on our journey all the way through this together,and now at the end. your spot on with the final recovery bit ,just doesnt bother us anymore, so id say yes we are recovered, just that last little bit of time now 😉

  288. selma Says:

    sorry for all of the posts in a row, but one more thing that’s on my mind. sometimes i get in this terrible zone where i am like “i’m ok, i’m going to be ok.” then not 5 seconds later “i will always feel terrible like this” and i go back and forth like this, driving myself crazy. what is THAT??

  289. yolande Says:

    Thank you Candie!

    A relief to know.


  290. Candie Says:

    Hi Lindsey, as Lisa says no im not fully rid of symptoms but im fully rid of anxiety- so yes i guess you could say im recovered. The symptoms fade gradually as habits fade.

    Selma, sorry but im going to have to remove the posts about bipolar.. they will frighten overs. However yes you describe your symptoms as anxiety perfectly, at my worst i would put of everything, then the normal me would be full of energy and life wanting to do everyday things like the washing, painting etc. I know someone who is bipolar and you dont fit the spectrum at all from what you have said. Mania is more then a feeling of general happiness and optimism… its baking cakes at 4 in the morning and waking the family to have a slice, its going out and spending all your money on anything really, feeling invinsible and ontop of the world. Think back to how you was before anxiety, thats the happiness your swinging back and forth to until you stay there completely like i did eventually. Must say though what your having is an obsessive thought, the worst thing you can do is try and reason with it and prove your not bipolar as the part of your mind thats rational is supressed due to anxiety so you wont find the right answer. Anything you find in google will frighten you more! Your swingin in and out of anxiety symptoms, not mania.. think about it- before you thought about bipolar you was fine wasnt you? now a bipolars mood wouldnt be effected by thought, its all chemical induced with them and if there manic there manic- no negative thought or anxiety can bring them down. Thats how i new deep down really, as id feel content and full of beans to feel normal, then id worry about bipolar and then suddenly feel anxious and depressed and doomed- if i was bipolar and that moment where i was full of beans was mania… then nothing could of braught me down to a low as mania makes a person feel invinsible. hope it helps, dont try reason with this though, take what you can then leave the thought alone and it will go away :)

  291. LORRYT Says:


    can i ask a question, recently i am having problems with my eyesight, and focusing on things and keeping my attention span on it. although i have suffered with attention before , i have never suffered with problems with my eyesight it seems as i have been having a set back the last week or so everything just seems to jump off the page and screen at me it all looks soooooo bright and glary. im trying to keep my head together about it all and am going to get my eyes tested , but i have noticed that when anxiety is high and i dont sleep well my eyes feel blurry and awful. i know it sounds really silly but its really bothering me today , or maybe its because i am aware of it it becomes worse, and possibly worrying about it too.
    i must sound really silly but my health plays on my mind . i wont ramble on just wondered if it was a common problem !
    have a great day xxxxxxx

  292. ross Says:

    any 1 have a really empty feelin like the feel nothin at all? also i keep gettin a feelin i shouldnt be in my body ??

    wats that all about ?

    please give me some advice as i was so close to recovery now it feels im slippin back in2 my old habits .

    This is prob my own fault as i got really drunk last week

    Any feedback would be greatly appreciated .

  293. selma Says:

    candie, i’m so sorry about the post. didn’t realize that it could be bad. just was copying and pasting. i do get into the zone where it is very much an obsessive thought. sometimes i can shake it off and sometimes i can’t. the googling certainly never helps. believe it or not, i google way less that i used to, but i still do it and it’s terrible! i reallly appreciate your feedback and am going to refer back to it and read it again when i am feeling in that zone. i spend so much time just thinking about myself and analyzing my symtpoms, it gets exhausting. was thinking about getting the book stop thinking and start living. anyone had success with it?

  294. simon Says:

    Thanks wayne for sharing ur experienced on those dizziness,lightheaded thing,the problem is i experienced those symptoms 24/7 sigh,its very hard to tell myself that this is normal and just a anxiety symptoms,at times i just keep telling myself something is wrong as this symptoms never goes away.Its more like a health anxieties now.

  295. Chris Says:


    Just want you to know that I to have some of the same fearful thoughts about bipolar and what depression “could lead to”. They are just thoughts,and they will fade as we give th less authority.

  296. boni Says:

    I am new to this site and would love to get some insight from someone on here as you all seem very nice and courageous as you are progressing well. has anyone had underlying factors to deal with before getting on with recovering from anxiety. I read so much and am totally overwhelmed now. I am so afraid of car accidents, germs, death and illness and long term suffering. I overanalyze everything and now worry about my kids because I am so overprotective. does anyone have small children or fears like i do? i am worried about being able to work and pay bills how do you all do it without worrying you wont be able to. I cant sleep but 3- 4 hours as the “what ifs” keep me up all night and i shake alot and tremble. I can’t stop all the thoughts and now that im reading i need to just say whatever but these thoughts aren’t irrational. they could all really happen as if I dont get better i will lose everything as i feel paralyzed by this. I feel like I have lost outside interests because of all my symptoms and thoughts and now avoid stuff for months now. I also have had a lump in my throat for 4 months and not have a host of other symptoms that are there 24/7. I feel like i might be one of the worst cases as i have so many underlying issues as well. my confidence and self esteem has dropped to nill and i would love some personal reassurance. I miss my life when I worried but wasn’t being effected by it. How do you all manage so well. any suggestions because i would love to come out the otherside with a better more positive attitude and am afraid its going to take years to get through. sorry if this is long I would love to hear positive

  297. christina Says:

    So true, Chris! I would wager that the vast majority of chronic anxiety sufferers have had the same worry. Our anxious minds are prone to doubting that this, as awful as it can be, is anxiety. Our moods will change with this condition. When the anxiety is low we generally feel optimistic, when it’s high, more pessimistic, and there are times when we feel the physical aspects more, and at on other days, more the psychological effects. We need to be compassionate with ourselves.

    God bless you all

  298. yolande Says:

    Hi Candie,

    You say ” im not fully rid of symptoms but im fully rid of anxiety- so yes i guess you could say im recovered. The symptoms fade gradually as habits fade.”

    I am interested in knowing what you mean by being free of anxiety but not the symptoms. Could you pls explain more?

    Also you mention that symtoms are mainly caused by habits and so would like to understand more on this too.

    Thank you

  299. yolande Says:

    Hi Ross,

    Yes, I have had the empty feeling too – lasted 2 weeks for me. I dont think it has anything to do with you being drunk. It’s just one of those irritating symtoms that all recoverers go thru.

    I remembered at the time when I had these feelings, I was unhappy at my current job and so these feelings probably felt a little stronger as I was likely a little depressed over my work.

    I dont have the other feeling that you mentioned ‘of not being in your body’ but I would say it’s probably an offshoot of anxiety too.

    These feelings will go – just accept them and live with them for the moment. Nothing else we can do but this.

    Hope this helps.

  300. candie Says:

    Hi Lorry, i had the problem with my eyes too, and many more, i also had problems with my balance because of vertigo in my ears… if your worried then get it checked out, i never did and it went away. Anxiety makes the muscles in your eyes overworked from been dilated from fear, this is why we get a vast amount of eye symptoms. I only got this close to the end of recovery, i think with mild anxiety you notice the smaller things and focus.

    Selma, iv read that book and it is good yes- although my biggest strides of recovery came from having eureka moments where things clicked into place, everytime i thought i cracked it and was recovered id have a setback and have another moment where i learnt something new. This is what braught me on through recovery, i basically realised its ok to be anxious and think scary stuff… that can happen to anyone who has had stress or a big shock of somekind, or even for some fear after dabling with drugs and panicking. What isnt right though is to thrash your mind and body with more worry about these symptoms as it just keeps you in the circle of anxiety. If you have a thought about bipolar, thats ok to have that and find it a bit scary as the part of your brain that would just know to disregard this is supressed atm due to the high levels of adrenalin screaming the fear response at you. So just allow the thought to seem real, dont try push it away and prove its silly. The times iv done this and an hour or so later iv thought, oh my god i cant beleive that thought scared me how silly… well thats because my adrenalin levels dropped and i could be rational. That thought comes to me though i dont try force feeling like that. With some of my worst fears it took weeks, sometimes months to be rational and even then they still popped up in a setback- which will happen right until you full recovery.

  301. LORRYT Says:

    Hi Candie

    I think you are right, and as i have felt better for while as little things come back i tend to focus on them and make them worse. I know my eyes are susceptable and i am quite stressed at the mo. I guess i should accept and move on. after this long i know i am recovering and i feel a lot different about things too and how i react to different situations. it is a long process but so very well worth it . i am so pleased that i came here and found out that recovery isnt in a bottle of pills but it is within us we just have to know where to look.

    have a great day all and thanks for all the advice reassurance and support you have given me.xxxxxx.

  302. selma Says:

    thank you candie. today i am having a feeling where it just feels hard to talk! its like i don’t have the energy to get the words out, even talking to my husband. so strange. anyone ever dealt with this? i am feeling overall a bit better though. i totally know what you mean candie about thinking you’ve cracked it and then having a setback. it’s like i am still trying to figure it all out, even though i know that’s not the point.

  303. lindsey Says:

    Hi Selma

    I have the its to hard to even talk today. i have warned my partner and apoligised in advance that i can not hold a conversation very well today so now he knows where i am at and wont exspect to much from me, which wont lead to me be more agiatated by the fact. have you tryed this? hope i have helped if only a little

    take care

    Lindsey X

  304. selma Says:

    thanks, lindsey. i am fine if i’m engaged in a conversation and i forget about it, but it’s just when i’m so in my head it’s hard to get out of myself enough to engage. it’s so weird. i can be having the worst anxiety thoughts, then go to a lunch where i’m totally busy and like forget about the anxiety until i leave and remind myself to have it again!!

  305. C Says:


    Been doing great past couple of days trying to keep off here not in a bad way because it helps me so much but its becoming part of my everyday thought and therefore it relates straight back to my anxiety, I have been getting on with tasks and still in back of my head thinking oh yes u have anxiety and you thought those horrible thoughts. yet my stomach doesnt not churn anymore. sometimes it does the lurching thing but then goes away. ive basically been getting on with my life. The trigger points are still there but not as bad. Im just living with them. Im so scared i will have this memory forever its my fear that I cant seem to rid that I will always remeber what i thought about. Im not a bad person and always want whats best for everyone I try to remind myself often that I cant be a bad person cause i never thought it before this. Please tell me the memories fade :( BUT at the end of the day I suppose I have had this for 2 years and its gotten better since following advice from paul and you and Candie and will for that matter. I used to think about myanxiety about million times a day. It has fallen to about 100 – 50 times a day which is a good thing right??? Ive been getting early nights doing yoga and not worrying about the smaller ‘uncontrollable’ things in life, and this is not to rid me of my anxiety because only my mind can do that, but in general give me a better lifestyle. Im having a glass of wine this weekend. Ive been scared of drinking for wewks but im going to embrace it and drink a load of water at the end of the night!!!! so im not dehydrated! I cant wait for the day when im not scared of this, although I KNOW these thoughts only come because of anxiety I still think only bad people think these thoughts over and over…. but of course that cant be true cause in reality in the REAL world things would never happen… I read about alot people thinking really bad thoughts about people closest to them do they ever forget that they thought that? Can they look at the person now?? Its doesnt directly relate to me but close. Im finding that other things scare me now too, like I watched a film the other day which was horrible of course it made feel the feelings of anxiousness. How are things with you? how long would say u have been recovering for? take care xx

    Candie is the feeling of guilt part of anxiety?

  306. candie Says:

    Hi C, yes it i used to feel guilty over sill stuff all the time and feel the need to apologise

  307. Eric Says:

    Lorry – I am having major problems with my eyes too: I see static in the dark; I become very light-sensitve, lights look so much brighter than before even during the day; I see crazy after-images (or what some ppl call burn-in) and they are almost instant, I get them even from seeing black objects; I see visual trails so if things move too fast they become blurry. I used to get really scared but now it’s more like annoyance. I just hope they will go away.

    Yolande – Sorry I haven’t been replying to your messages…. I have been quite down and tired from all the obsessions about things. I hope you are doing well.

  308. lesley Says:

    hi all
    new to this site and never thought id ever find myself writin on a website bout anxiety but guess what i am…………. found this website few months ago and i found it really helpful to read all your stories about your recovery and all your symptoms and realise that im not the only one like this cos this awful thing does make you feel like that its somethin you just wish you could just get hold of and just chuck it away its a bloody pain lol its nice to hear how you all have your ways of dealin with it and a sense to look forward which can be quite difficult sometimes when your head is just racing non stop. ive been like this for 2 yrs now ever since i had my second daughter but seems to have been a gradual thing thats got worse, i had my first panic attack at 14 but i learnt to deal with them and id only get one once in a blue moon in the end and when they did start the were easy to get rid of before they’d even started if you know what i mean, had my first daugher at 22 and was in a stable relationship, got engaged and all was well then had my second daughter at 27 and it all began then really with very small symptoms, had quite a stressfull year as we moved, id sold my horse and bought another, we’d had trouble with my partners son and so on didnt really think they were stressfull situations but i realise now that it had all just got on top of me and this is now how my body is reacting if you like, been to docs few times over the period of time, hes really nice and good to talk to, has never offered me pills which dont think id want anyway as you hear all these things bout different pills etc and deep down i am a strong person, i got referred for councillin which i have just started ( been twice now) dont know what your views are on councillin? always feel better when i come out and usually for bout 2 days after but that soon wears off, i see alot of you say ignore your symptoms and let them be there but i dont understand how you can do that when there just bangin away 90% of the time, i try not to let it interefere with my life and still do many things after all i am a mum to 2 beautiful girls that need me and a fun life, though my 2yr is ever so hard work and stressfull through lack of sleepin and very head strong, my partner is really good and always there for me whether it be to chat at midnight or to just have a laugh with, im just writin really as its nice to talk to people that have anxiety or have come out the other side that understand a bit more, if you could all give your one bit of best advice what would it be? by the way ive ordered pauls book so fingers crossed it helps, thanks for reading this and sorry for bleating on a bit x

  309. selma Says:

    i have a question about recovery. one thing that gets me down is that i first visited this site and started practicing accepting over a year ago now, almost a year and a half. i did have a long stretch where i felt basically 100% normal, but now i’m having a bad relapse. a lot of people seem to recover fully so quickly, like a few months. i feel sometimes like recovery is not possible if i haven’t already gotten there. i first got anxiety about 5 years ago. gosh, that’s LONG! it’s been up and down since then, sometimes really really bad. but the past year pretty great. what happens at the end of recovery and how do you know that you’ve actually recovered?? even when i felt great for so many months, in the back of my mind i knew i would experience this again.

  310. Sarah Says:

    Hi all,
    I stumbled across this fab site, whilst googling for a “cure”, after reading some of the things on this blog, i immediately bought paul’s book, which came this morning and am frantically reading!
    To know that there are so many people in the sme position as me, is a real eye opener, I have suffered with anxiety for about 12 years now, I have had so many physical symptoms, and new ones often appear and old ones disappear, and have been to doctors so many times over the years. My most annoying symptom in palpations, which normally occur when i’m trying to fall alseep, but my symptoms range from dizziness, blurred vision, muscle spasms (especially in my hands and legs), dry mouth, fuzziness…and so on.
    Over the years I have had really long periods of time when I felt great then suddenly the anxiety would come back and be a constant for a long period of time again. In the times when I felt good, it was always in the back of my mind, telling me it would be back.
    After reading some of the book I already feel so much better, it feels like a light has gone on, and perhaps there is a better future, a future that is not darkened by my anxiety.
    So now when the feelings and symptom come, Im going to let them, now i know they really can’t hurt me, and they are not taking up anymore of my life!

  311. Candie Says:

    Selma, took me two years to get to where i am now- iv had anxiety for 3 of them. Some recover quickly, some take time to accept thats all

  312. selma Says:

    so you had anxiety for 3 years prior to the 2 years of recovery? i really hope i am on my way.

  313. Nina Says:

    Hey Candie,
    I have a question for you. Im taking a trip in 7 weeks, I havent been on an airplane in almost 9 years. My anxiety levels are soo low that i consider myself almost recover. however, i dont know how i will react in an airplane (my flight is 4 hours long), also i have never taken any medication for anxiety (yayy me! lol). BUT im wondering if i should ask my doctor for a prescription for valium or xanax just so i can stay relax all through the flight ( A very low dose). What do u think? I just want to be precautious about my trip because im really really excited about taking a vacation, i just dont want my mind to race and cause a scene in the airplane, maybe i should ask for the prescription and use it if i really need it. what do you think?

  314. Nina Says:

    or maybe i should just have a margarita or a glass of wine and relax? lol.

  315. Jo Says:

    Hey C,

    Good to hear from you!

    I’d say i started with anxiety when i started uni which was Sept 2008, and i was really bad for a good few months until i found this site and got some answers so i suppose i’ve been recovering ever since. Candie gave some really good advice above about having eureka moments and thinking your recovered then having a setback but learning something new, that really rings true for me too – great advice!:-)

    Your absolutely right about making changes to better your lifestyle, you do realise with anxiety what’s important and whats not don’t you.

    You say about thinking bad thoughts about your nearest and dearest, i think that is common for a lot of people, it certainly was a big thing for me, that’s how i initially knew something was wrong, because i had this awful thought about my boyfriend and it sent me spiralling into panic! Anxiety was a long time coming for me due to stress and worry i just did not realise it until this point. Through understanding and as you start to settle you are able to see these thoughts through rational eyes, and see them for what they are. Through my anxiety i’ve had horrible thoughts about every one i care about, not suprising really as the ones we care about are good things in our lives, sources of happiness for us. We know how anxiety affects us it’s not suprising we target those people we love because that is what makes us feel the worst and thats how anxiety is. There’s an old post of pauls under the title of ‘scary and obsessive thoughts’ (or something similar) which is really good.

    Of course you are not a bad person, you just have anxiety.

    I hope you’ve enjoyed your weekend and that glass of wine! You deserve to!:-)


  316. Candie Says:

    Hi Selma, no i had it a year, then found pauls site but couldnt quite grasp recovery for a year at all- but then the next year i finally got it and started to recover slowly. If you feel any better at all and improved- you are recovering. Doesnt matter if you cant see the light at the end of the tunnel at the minute, you will have plenty of moments where you learn more and more stuff clicks which will get you there. I never accepted fully from the off and new id recover, it was a very gradual learning process.

    Nina, millions of people take flights every day and get anxious.. its part of a slight phobia most people have and its pretty normal! You are going into secondary thinking here, trying to control a normal feeling and push it away. If your anxious for few hours doesnt matter, cant harm you eh..personally i wouldnt go take vallium- worst drug ever for bad nerves. I have a cousin in law whos hooked on it for life, if anything it would make you that spaced out you could panic from the feeling.. i know i did when taking my meds. Your best bet would be not to worry if your going to feel anxious, you already know you probably will- so why not expect a bit of anxiety and go with it. Allow room for it in your mind when your planning your travel.. that is full acceptance. ‘Be willing to experience the bad feelings or thoughts without judgement of secondary fear’. You can feel fear in a first instance with acceptance as your sensitized, but thats fine. My sister always takes a sleeping tablet when she travels as she gets a bit restless, i know a lot of people do this as it relaxes them and they sleep through the journey. If it was me mind you id just go for it, id get on that plane and say right anxiety lets be having ya then and just watch it do its thing.. racing heart, dizzyness, scary thoughts.. WHATEVER really. Then when i got of that plane id hold my head up high and say yes i felt scared, crap and anxious but i did it- i allowed it and the anxiety didnt harm me. Thats how people overcome phobias too. Let me know how you get on :)

  317. dee Says:

    Hi Selma, Angie and Candie

    Thank you so so much for all our helpful advice you have no idea how much that means to me to have read what you have all said. It has toatally put my mind at ease. I think this site is great, its so helpful to have people whom totally understand how i feel, and dont judge.
    Thanks again.

    Hope yur all keeping well :)

  318. Clare Says:

    Hey Nine
    Im due to go on holiday to Florida in about 8 weeks, 9 hour flight from the uk and from an airport I had the worst panic attack ever in! I was constantly thinking about it and ways to control the feeling but Teresa J on here helped me. Ive been learning to accept yes I will feel have anxiety but nothing bad will happen, ill get off the plan the other end and be fine just tired! Im just going to chill out and carry on, if a feeling comes before take it as good practice for when you travel. Dont let it hold you back but dont fight it away! You’ll be fine, dont worry nothing bad will happen xx

  319. Clare Says:

    Opps sorry Nina I didnt proof read my post x

  320. Kate Says:

    Hi Candie

    Just a question about acceptance! I have an obsessive thought which controls what I do really. I am trying to accept it and carry on with the normal day to day things but sometimes find it really hard and am scared of it and sometimes I have a week when I feel I could do anything. I feel sometimes I really could do this thing and scare myself so can’t think rationally about it at all. When this happens am I right in thinking that I should distrust what my body and mind is saying/doing and believe of course I wouldn’t do this as due to excess adrenline I won’t be able to rationalise? Just wonder if I am recovering slowly as sometimes I can dismiss it and sometimes it gets me down. Just want to make sure I am doing things correctly.
    Thank you

  321. Candie Says:

    Hi Kate, until your nerves heal you wont be able to dismiss the thought all the time no.. i was like that with many thoughts and it ruled my life. Now i have my life back, you will too just allow yourself to sometimes feel doubtful as the adrenalin will stop the rational part of your mind functioning :)

  322. Jo Says:

    Your advice is brilliant Candie, you explain things well, so it’s much easier to understand!:-)

  323. Nina Says:

    Hey Candie,
    Thanks for your answer. to be honest with you, im getting way ahead of myself. ive been living soo normal for these last couple of weeks maybe even months, that im setting myself up for a panic attack (im just realizing that). I know that when im on that plane that im gonna be feeling the normal anxiety that everybody is feeling, and that is going to go away, i would get the racing thoughts that everybody gets and tell myself that is ok and be fine but im here thinking about medication because I (subconsciously) want to be stuck in the anxiety circle. Ill be fine, ill definetely let u now how things go :-) thanks for everything Candie.

    Thanks for the support Clare, your awesome :-). Im glad that you had somebody to reassure you. well, safe trips to us :-)

  324. C Says:

    Hey Jo,

    How was your weekend? Back at work now my heart pumping like hell this morning but so what eh?? 😉 im sure it did that anyways! To be honest im sure we all had symptoms before but now worry its a cause of the anxiety.

    Thanks to your advice I am living my life doubt and fear floating in and out. Im finding that something will occupy my mind for a long time but I go and ruin it and say wooo u havent thought about that for a while stomach jumps. At least its not all day! Its got to be an improvement :)

    Yeh the thoughts about the loved ones and the things you love most in life seem to be the worst. Anxiety and my mind have decided to choose the things I love most and think whats the worst possible thought u can have about them, and then letting that stick. Sometimes I even laugh at some of them cause what else can I do. Im sure the pang of guilt must have got you as much as it gets me. Im one of these people that cant lie and tell the truth all the time, so keeping this to myself and blaming the anxiety is very new to me.

    Im so happy you have got ur life back and can come on here to help others its a good feeling, Candie is great at explaining things but so are you, no big words just how it is. 😀

    I have those Eureka moments all the time. If its what I think they are, I have a whole afternoon with no pangs then im like yesss not thought about that then lurch my stomach is back…. burning off all that adrenalin is great tho have to say walks and runs are great, they stop my thoughts but they make me physically better. The key is not to have the adrenalin rushes in the first place. I noticed little changes in myself, such as I said something yesterday and my window was open and i know my neighbour is always listening, usually I would worry worry worry and text her to check she didnt hear or something along those lines. Yesterday I thought to myself ahh well, she heard she heard nothing I can do. unconsiously Thought about it a few times then it just went after a while, NIL STOMACH CHURNS!!!

    The glass of wine was great have to say heart was pounding in the morning from dyhydrating and fear but it was ok after an hour or so, im going to do it again and again but drink lots of water this time!!! lol.

    Would you say full recovery is around the corner for you and that you see things through rational eyes now? Im starting to have a better attitude, such as yeh you had those mad thoughts and yeh they are scary but in the furture u will look back and think wow u were tired. this isnt all the time of course i still get doubts it will last forever, but if it does so what im not going to do anything abiut it and im carrying on regardless.

    Take care and hope everything is good for you! xxxx

  325. Kate Says:

    Hi Candie

    Thanks for your reply. I always read your posts, they have helped me so much and find them so positive. I just find it hard sometimes as feel I’m never going to fully recover. I once had CBT and my therapist told me this thought would probably always affect me slightly so don’t think that helped!! I read far too much into it and really believe I will do and there’s nothing stopping me. I guess I must keep practising accepting and not going into the second fear.

    Thanks Candie

  326. Candie Says:

    Hi Christina.. ok it would go like this for me. Setback in the early days of my anxiety: popping lots of my anxiety meds, trying to sleep as much as i can so i dont experience the anxiety, visiting my doctor crying, waking up with night terrors, not eating a think till it passed… not socialising or doing any housework. Basic self pitty.

    Setback these days: no meds at all, not took any for well over a year. Dont try to avoid my anxiety, not visited the docs for a long time and never will again, dont wake up with night terrors but if i wake up with the odd pang of adrenalin i watch it run its course then of back to sleep, eat normal, go out with me son, see my friends and crack on with the housework and dont feel sorry for myself at all. Basically now when i have one its ‘oh your back for a few days then are you, il go about my day beside you and not push you away’ If i felt miserable and low, very anxious then id just get comfortable with the idea of this and not push it away. A setback never lasts that long if you dont over react and fight it. I only ever have a big whammy about every 6 months, and it always takes me to a higher level of acceptance. You wouldnt recover if you didnt experience the bad as you would never learn to not fear it. Now i think wonder what this one will learn me.. total differant mindset really which took me 2 years to acheive.. some can get there in months, not me i was determined to figure my scary thoughts and anxious feelings out.. i thought if i rumernated long enough some how i would find the answer. Then i read something about anxiety, how its ok to feel scared and feeling scared doesnt mean your not accepted- allowing yourself to feel scared is accepting. Your unmasking the big anxiety bluff.

    Kate you sound just like i was, my doctor said he has never come across anyone who obsessed as much as me! The fact of the matter is, your fearing something and then trying to prove you wont do it. Your big mistake is thinking if you can prove it to be silly in your mind you will be fine and recover, trust me you dont have to get it right in your mind- when you leave the question unanswered eventually your nerves will heal and your mind will stop asking silly questions (scary thoughts). The more thoughts you can have up there that are left uncertain, the better… dont accomodate your anxiety thinking you have to answer the scary scenarios it produces.. you dont.. you need to do the opposite and decide you will leave that thought uncertain and take the risk for now. That cuts out rumernation completely and your anxiety will slowly go away. I will say to you though, never in history has there been one reported case where a person has acted on an obsession- if it scared you and you feel the need to clarify it.. its deffinately anxiety- although anxiety will make it feel very real trust me- ammount of things i can laugh at now that before frightened me- thats because i stopped accomodating the fears, refused to rumernate and look for a clear answer.

  327. Kate Says:


    If you were here now I would give you a huge hug and kiss :) Thank you for explaining it so well. I am going to go forward with the advice you have just given me and start living my life the way I want to. I can’t thank you enough!!!

  328. Claire SB Says:

    Hi everyone,

    I have posted a few times here but have been suffering with anxiety on and off for some time now, its in my family but i dont want to use that as an excuse to keep suffering! we all have the power to get better with this site and Pauls book.

    I am however struggling with something at the moment though and wondered if someone could let me know if they have experienced the same? I have this strange feeling in my stomach its like somethings clenching my stomach from inside, it doesnt hurt its just there and quite annoying! a bit like a vibration – almost like a turning fork! i went to docs aswell to have it checked out and i had an infection which has subsequently cleared up but still getting this pang! I can tell even by writing this that i am answering my own question and seeming a bit paranoid and i need to let go as it will pass when i stop paying it so much attention, i think the problem is that i was given a reason for the stomach at the doctors but now its back its making me question again, I just wanted to see if anyone else had experienced this?

    Appreciate your replies.
    Thanks Claire SB

  329. Jess H Says:

    hi Candie,

    I worte on this post on 14th April just explaining how i felt….. is there any way you could read it and try to explain why I am feeling like this, not being able to explain how i feel!!! sounds so strange but whenever i try to explain it to myself how i feel, i just cant!!!! i feel my anxiety has got so much better but its just some uncertain setbacks of where I no i feel strange I just cant explain how….. now i am worrying it is something else and not my original anxiety??? Thanks Candie, Jess xxx

  330. Lotty Says:

    Oh Candie, you have actually made me cry with these words:

    “ok it would go like this for me. Setback in the early days of my anxiety: popping lots of my anxiety meds, trying to sleep as much as i can so i dont experience the anxiety, visiting my doctor crying, waking up with night terrors, not eating a think till it passed… not socialising or doing any housework. Basic self pitty”.

    I was doing so well, I thought I had really cracked it a few months ago. These last 2 months have been exactly as you describe above, with a load of depression thrown in. The positive stories on here used to make me feel I had hope, now they sometimes make me feel as if I’m the only one out here that just doesn’t really get it. I guess I feel a failure because I used to be on here trying to give support, now I’m needing it again so badly. Sorry guys, don’t mean to be negative, just reaching out for some reassurance. Has anyone else had a setback that’s lasted so long and thrown you back so far? xx

  331. lindsey Says:

    Hi Davidina

    Long time no post!! lol!!

    How are you doing? didint know if you where still checking in on posts so never left one. Hope your doing well. have you recieved your books yet i am still waiting on mine? till next time


  332. lindsey Says:

    Hi Kate

    I have been put on a waiting list for cbt. How did you find it and did you think it helped at all?


    Lindsey XX

  333. Kate Says:

    Hi Lindsey

    I had it for a few months. To be honest it didn’t really help that much, she did make me see my thoughts were irrational and I was catastrophising everything but it also made me think about my thoughts more as you have to write down what you feel and the times you’re feeling it. This didn’t really help as it just kept it in my mind all the time. I honestly think this is the best way to recover – by accepting and understanding all your feelings and not trying to work any of it out. Give it a go and see how it feels for you – it does seem to help some people!

    Kate x

  334. angela Says:

    hey candie, I liked your last post on setbacks!can you explain to me though, if that is as good as it will ever get?I have been fine the last few months too. No setbacks at all, moments of anxiety, yes, but I always invite it in and just watch it and I don’t mind it. It is very slight anyway, no major ones. I have had this for a year at the end of this month, and I started to put what I have learnt here into practice properly since about november..It has made a world of difference!it is amazing..I look at life differently now, I wake up everyday and I am so greatful just to feel normal!this is the only thing I want, I used to want all sorts of other things, but in my deepest dispair all I ever wished for was to feel normal again.. because when you have lost your health you really realise how everything else means nothing..of course also the health of our loved ones is the top priority.. but yeah, my question is, will setbacks eventually stop for good?or is it something that will always be there, but your attitude towards it,makes it bareable?or will there actually come a point, when you’re completely healed and it will just stop happening?I’m fine to be honest, I wouldn’t mind it staying like this forever, as long as I will never ever ever go back to where I was..that tiny fear is there, and I know it is very very very unlikely, as the reason this actually becomes a ‘disorder’ is because people are scared of how they feel so the vicious cycle develops..if you’re not scared of how you fell, and understand it’s all ‘stress related’ (anxiety) then you’re actually ok. This is how I see it, I often challange it as well!Like Candie when you were saying about the plane…I do the same, I have always been a nervous flyer, and before I started ‘suffering’ I would think about it for days in advance. Now I don’t think about it, I just get on the plane and sit there and feel it(landing and take off I hate the most)everytime, and I must say I still get anxious, but it’s ok, again it’s unmasking it isn’t it.. it’s just a feeling really.I still get some symptoms sometimes but again, I just have it out with them, I just have them hanging around and I don’t care and I don’t obsess about them. So I doubt it could ever be as dreadfull as it was at the beginning. But I do wonder wether the day will come when I KNOW that I’ll never have this again..

    thanks for reading!

  335. Rachel Says:

    Hi Lotty,

    Just wanted to say you are not alone in how you feel. I had two months where I felt relatively normal and was beginning to think I cracked it but then I had a bad few days and I forgot everything I had learned and here I am four weeks later absolutly crippled with what I think is depression. Do you know I actually think I prefer the anxiety to this? I dont really know what to do – I am on antidepressants and my consultant has upped them but Im not sure if they are actually making me feel worse. I am so scared and cant see a way out of this. Its like I can sort of deal with the anxiety but the depression is another matter – I really cant function to the point that my house is a tip and nothing is getting done. I can tell my friends are despairing of me and its my sons birthday soon and I cant even think about doing a celebration. Has anyone else suffered awful depression after anxiety and does it go away? I realise that the antidepressants are confusing the matter but I am on quite a high dose and they did seem to be working for a while. Sorry I realise this is a very negative post but I really need some help.

  336. ross Says:

    thanks yolande,
    ye i just need to remember that all weird feelings sensations are down to anxiety , thanks for your help :)

  337. Jo Says:

    Hey C!,

    I had a good weekend thanks it was my granddads 80th birthday so we all went for dinner and me n my sis made him a cake, and i have to say it was pretty flippin good!:-D

    Glad your seeing improvements, you definately sound like your understanding more which is brill! You get to the point when you don’t focus on how long it’s been without an anxious thought, you wont be able to remember because you don’t care!

    You say ‘Anxiety and my mind have decided to choose the things I love most and think whats the worst possible thought u can have about them, and then letting that stick.’ I have said those exact words before, it’s uncanny how similar our experiences with it seem to be! I used to feel so guilty because it’s horrible but once you learn to accept and it becomes easier you understand what causes them and you desensitise, you lose the guilt because your changing how you react to it. By letting it be there and not fighting you are not adding to it.

    Like you, i’ve noticed changes in myself because of anxiety, i’m a much more relaxed person and happy person now than i ever was before because i don’t worry about those little things in life and i don’t react to things the same as i would have before. I would say full recovery will come to me when it comes. Like Candie said, you do come out of each setback with a better understanding and acceptance. Each one is another chance to practice what we know.

    Glad you enjoyed your wine!:-) The fact that your seeing improvements means that you are on the right track, just be patient with yourself!

    xx xx

  338. Candie Says:

    Hi Angela, no it will gradually improve. Sounds like you are at the last part of recovery same as me- scarlet said this is the longest.. so dont be worried if it lingers for a while :)

    Hi Jess, what you are experiencing now is what i call ‘no mans land’ not anxious as such all the time, but feel strange and unexplainable- i could never put it into words myself so i stopped trying. Its just you getting used to been the normal you again, if it lingers for a while let it.. your body is resetting gradually back to the none anxious you- so it will feel odd for a bit.

  339. yolande Says:

    Hi Candie,

    read your answer to Jess, and THAT’s exactly how i feel right now. kinda odd, not really there kind of feeling. i still sometimes have the lump in the throat feeling. and sometimes i wud feel a bit flat. it’s…….just…………strange. like you said.

    really funny feeling. it’s like i am doing something and then suddenly i wud feel strange not panicky or anything. ah well. thank you for your assurance that this will go and i know it will be around for a while so i am trying to be patient.

  340. yolande Says:


    sorry forgot to post this earlier. Is it normal while i am at this stage to doubt/fear setbacks?? Does it mean that everyone in this stage WILL get setbacks or does it differ from person to person?

    Also sometimes I STILL feel a little restless…….. is this normal to feel thus while I am at this stage of recovery???

    Apologies for all the questions. THanks so much!

  341. lindsey Says:

    H Candie

    Just a little reassurance needed had awful night. couldnt sleep was roasting and my partner assured me it was cold. all agiated. Fearful and scared i was going to go mental am not am i?. I asked my occupational therapist yesterday if anxiety was a mental health issue and she said no but other people say yes what do you believe? Sorry to mither but have woke up dreadful this morning my arms all tingly, short tempered, needing reassurance from my partner that he will be home from work as soon as he can and his mum has stepped in to help with kids this morning as i just dont feel i am up to it and not coping well. Thanks

    Lindsey XX

  342. angela Says:

    Hi Lindsey, allow me to answer you!as I just saw your post.. YOU are not going MENTAL!you really aren’t..the only reason you feel like you are is because the feelings you’re feeling, which are ‘stress related symproms’ feel really weird and new and scary and therefore you feel like you’re losing control or going mental. Lindsey, I spent the entire summer sitting in my room thinking I was going mental too. And guess what, I didn’t, and I won’t. Ironically I recently found out that I live opposite a psychiatric home or hospital, and there is a man who always sits outside smoking, who I can hear and see all the time who talks and shouts at himself. Trust me, I know it might feel like you’re going crazy, but anyone who is actually worried about the onset of insanity, isn’t actually headed there. With anxiety, thinking that you’re going mad is a classic symptom. Also, no one gets delusions with anxiety, it’s a completely different type of condition to mental health stuff where people ‘go mad’.

    I believe Anxiety is not a mental health issue, but that it does have psycological symptoms as well as physiological ones. Anxiety is not dangerous or anything like that either, it doesn’t cause any long term damage. Don’t worry Lindsey, you’re in the best place, I know how hard it may seem this morning but one day all of this will click and you will fully realise that these symptoms you’re having are nothing to fear or to dread, but just the body’s natural reaction to stress. I always think about the broken leg thing; if you had a broken leg, would you go around all day worrying about the pain? or would you just understand that for the time being it’s going to hurt, until it’d also understand to rest’s the same thing that’s happening to you right now, you’re over tired, your nerves need a time out, that’s why you’re experiencing all of these symptoms.. but you’re worrying about the symptoms which is just adding more stress. You really don’t need to worry! I hope that helps at least a little bit. Have you got Paul’s book? even if you do, I know it takes time for it really to hit home and set in to your mind set. Always remeber it’s a process.

    ps: sorry for answering when it wasn’t actually directed at me, but I just though as I was on here and it sounded quite urgent I should step in!

    and Candie, thanks for your reply to my post, and wow, if that really is true then I have even more to look forward to!I’m happy with how things are at the momement and how far I have come, but to think that one day I will lose even the tiny fear, that is amazing!I’m so greatful to all the help I have received here!thanks so much guys!

    love angela

  343. yolande Says:

    Hi Angela & Jess

    I think we 3 are going thru the same things right now and so would be glad if you could contact me so we could help one another out.

    My email


  344. Davidina Says:

    Hi Lindsey – I check in on posts every day. Just knowing how other people are doing gives me incentive to plod on. I haven’t received my books yet. Will’s book was not in stock at amazon but they are e.mailing me when it is. The other book (stop thinking, start living) is ordered and I am awaiting delivery. I saw your post to Candie about your bad night. When anxiety hit me at first, my partner had to get up about 3 times a night just to get a change of jim jams. Sweat used to pour out of me. so your not alone sweetheart, just hang in there. I’m sure Candie will reassure you. Anxiety hangs around me for most of the day, but I am trying to live along side of it. You are doing so well – going to work, going to your slimming class, etc. You will get there. The what ifs bother me a lot, but I carry on and do what I have to do. Not easy Lindsey, really hard. Social anxiety has been a big problem for me, but I go out there and its never as bad as I thought it would be. Even when someone chaps my door, I feel very anxious. I am going out now, no matter what I feel, but still apprehensive. Like youraelf I think of IT a lot, but like Candie says, let it be there. Lovely to talk Lindsey. Chin up. Love D – X

  345. John S Says:

    Hi all,

    If you are still trying to conciously make things go away you are not accepting. Always rememeber that.

    I am slowly recovering but i know i am on the right path. I have had anxiety for 4 years and i have nly really been acceptin since oCTOBER.
    I know it will take along time to recover and thats fie, i am doin far more than i ever did, like going to parties, nights out in town, horse racing, football matches than i used to do because i take my anxiety and DP with me. Sometimes it goes great other times not so good but its all part of the ride.

    Feeling really crap this week but again, i know there is literally nothin i can do so i go with it and eventually, like it has done since i began to accept, it will fade and il feel a little bit better than i did before.

    Sometimes i doubt and sometimes feel tired of it but its the only way.

    I wish everyone the best and thanks to paul, candie and scarlet for their compassion and help.

    John S

  346. lindsey Says:

    Hi Angela

    Thank you so much for stepping in!!!

    I have found what you have said really helpful and reassuring. I have been doing really well and have been thinking i have had little setbacks but now i realize there not just syptoms hanging around and last night was a setback as i havent had them feelings for a good while now like i did last night. I do have pauls book yes and found it very useful it was the first thing i read that explained everything to me. I have managed to carry on today which i am proud off as its my sisters birthday and i still managed to get there for nine and go out for lunch and we are spending the rest of the day together so that is a great improvement as i wouldnt of been able to do that at the beginning. so i suppose it does get better but sometimes we just dont realize till we have a look back and see how well we are all doing.

    Thanks again angela means alot everything you have said to me and is very reassuring.

    Take care

    Lindsey XXX

  347. candie Says:

    Hi Yolande you will have some fear of setbacks right ill the end, if you didnt fear them.. you wouldnt end up having one so its completely normal to be a bit scared of them from time to time.. your working on facing the fear and accepting it, which will all happen eventually and gradually.

    Hi Lindsey, i really shouldnt answer your question of going mad, as if i reassure you then once your mind is satisfied and you dismiss the fear- the anxiety will find something else to latch onto.. thats what it does, thats why you need to not try find the answers to remove the fear as thats anxiety bluffing you, you need to do the opposite and allow yourself to have this scary thought, without trying to prove its silly or push it away. I Agree with Angela though- no i have never thought anxiety is a mental health problem.. it is caused by too much stress or one big major shock of somekind (death, bankrupcy, anything that causes too much worry). Each time you worry you set your adrenal glands of to release adrenalin and other stress hormones, after prolonged worrying and sometimes even instantanious shock.. the ‘on switch’ for those glands get that used to been on, they stay on for a while and release adrenalin for nothing. So this is the start of anxiety, your on button is stuck in place, and the more you worry about the symptoms of the anxiety the more firmly it gets stuck. This is why we worry over what if thoughts and symptoms, as its constantly on to some degree right through till recovery- our body is litrally screaming Danger to us about everything and thats why we think up scary stuff.. matching the false fear response to an even more false scenario! Although it will deffo feel legitimate- always does. Now the way to get your ‘on button’ to reset back to normal is to learn not to fear your symptoms, through acceptance and experiencing them. This removes so much fear and the adrenal glad gradually repairs itself. This is why i say dont try figure the thoughts out, as all the worrying is fuelling the anxiety disorder, if you just accept there is no sure answer and way out of the fear for now- your body will reset and you would know to not fear silly things.

  348. lindsey Says:

    Hi candie

    Thanks for your response. i have been here before so i know it will pass but its just so horrible being here again though i amcoping better than previous time!! did you ever have the same thought? i have had the feeling of going crazy which i know and understand is a syptom but its the thinking bit that gets me know wondering if i will, i know i just need to stay strong and come through this setback like i have the others and be stronger for it thanks again candie

    Lindsey XX

  349. Candie Says:

    Hi Lindsey, the bottom line is people dont go crazy from thinkin about going crazy.. people that do go crazy are not aware of it, nor are they worrying about it as there that detatched from reality they dont give it a second thought. Many of times i thought i was going crazy yes, but i thought ok i feel like im going crazy- il let myself feel like this and not try prove otherwise.. and it passed.

  350. lindsey Says:

    Hi Candie

    thank you so much candie for sharing your personal exsperiences with me and your kind words of advice.


  351. lindsey Says:

    Hi everyone

    got through the day going to go and settle down now for the night and hopefully have a better night than last night but if i dont thats ok because i will get through and come out stronger on the other side once this setback is over and i will appreicate more the good days that i have instead of dwelling on syptoms/feelings etc.

    Thanks Angela, Candie and D for being there today when i needed it x

    Take care till next time


    Lindsey XXX

  352. Eric Says:

    Yolande – Sorry I haven’t been replying to your messages…. I have been quite down and tired from all the obsessions about things. I hope you are doing well.

    Question: Are Eye Symptoms part of derealization?

    I am having major problems with my eyes: I see static in the dark; I become very light-sensitve, lights look so much brighter than before even during the day; I see crazy after-images (or what some ppl call burn-in) and they are almost instant, I get them even from seeing black objects; I see visual trails so if things move too fast they become blurry. I used to get really scared but now it’s more like annoyance. I just hope they will go away, will they?

    And I do have the odd feelings too… and the head pressures are coming back recently due to stress from work….

  353. Candie Says:

    Eric, eye symptoms are not derealisation no- peoples vision can go funny from derealisation but unless you are detached from your emotions and cant connect with those around you and feel unreal then no its not derealisation. I had every symptom you wrote there, the night time static used to make my eyes water and the visual trails and white ‘glow’ really blured my vision. Alls its caused by is anxiety straining the muscles in your eyes as the adrenalin constantly dialates them and it puts a big strain on them and tires them out. People who work on computers all day or someone whos had a long tiring day may experience this regardless of any anxiety. I remember one time looking in the mirror in the hight of a panic attack, just to check i didnt have derealisation as i could see the static… well my pupils where huge!

    OK, going to email all the email adresses that requested Wills summary book today

  354. Sandeep Says:

    Does anyone still have low grade anxiety all day long even after you feel you’re accepting? I have some days when I have it hanging around all day long even though I know there are periods when I’m accepting.

  355. dyeri Says:

    hi Sandeep, i think i have something like that, where in you just cant understand if your ok or if you are just waiting for something to trigger your anxiety. I still have anxious, disturbing thoughts about everything from family to future, finances etc. but they dont last that long, maybe just a few minutes. I also have this that when im in a stressfull situation I seem to anticipate that i will have a weird feeling or symptom after …

  356. Nicola Says:

    Hi Sandeep,

    Just quickly…that is the whole point of accepting – you accept the fact that you have low-grade anxiety all day long! Or high anxiety or none…you are accepting however you feel at the time. Don’t mistake accepting with being anxiety free…it often involves living alongside all levels of anxiety for along time before you notice any improvements :)


  357. Sandeep Says:

    Thanks Nicki. There is definitely an inbuilt expectation that once you accept, the anxiety should go away. I guess nerves can take several months to heal.

  358. lindsey Says:

    Hi all

    Last night was better though not plain sailing but never mind doing much better today and feel better than yesterday, keeping myself busy with things to do so that helps.

    Thanks again


  359. selma Says:

    a few things i am wondering about- does anyone ever get extremely agitated/irritated, like even music on the radio is irritating? sometimes i get so into my head that every single thing agitates me. it’s a terrible feeling. also, when i’m really anxious/depressed, even the slightest bit of alcohol sends me into a tailspin, like i’ll get really panicky and sort of depressed immediately. i swear i have the strangest symptoms of anyone, which further fuels my thoughts of having another type of psych. illness.

  360. T Says:

    hi everyone. haven’t wrote for a while. I must say I feel the same like I felt when I wrote my last post. I function normally, eat, do everything I have to but still I have my thoughts. I will try to explain.
    So I feel normal, like before anxiety started BUT I still don’t feel the same and I think that’s because of my thoughts and memories of everything that happened. Well here are my thoughts. Again, what is life, but I don’t question life in the same way I used to, like whats the point of life, its more how can I be here? how can I exist? I know I exist and this is reality but what is reality? I mean what is life? going to work, falling in love, family. etc but it just feels so weird. As I am writing this in my room I think how weird it is and my mom is going to work and I dont know it is strange. And how you go every day to bed and wake up the next. And time, what is time? I mean we have days,months, years but time really is unexplainable thing. I look back at before and it seems so strange that I wasn’t thinking about all this and that I was just living. (but what is exactlly living)? for example I am sitting and eating or watching tv and it just seems so random that that is what life consists of.
    I am really worried because we all want to feel normal again but now I feel normal ( not sleepy,dp, panick,everything looks like before) but I just think weird and differently and can’t stop. If someone could just erase everything that happened, all the memories, I think would be fine. I don’t know anymore. All these questions, thoughts are torturing me. there are many more and they are bizzare to say the least and they are all about existence and life in general and how random and weird it is. I dont even know what to thonk anymore. I must say that through all my anxiety, I always had periods when I thought about these things but not like this in the same way like this. If feeling normal scares me what can I do then? but I guess feelinf normal is just living and not thinking about all this so I am not normal in that sense and I think I could never be because memories are never going to go away. I know this post is confusing but I cant explain better. Candie or anynone I hope you have some words for me. hugs to all

  361. candie Says:

    Hi T, you are still suffering from a few scary thoughts that is what these existanal thoughts are. Although you have come far, it takes time for the thoughts to leave and any low mood. Everyone who has recovered told me its always the low mood and anxiety thoughts that go last.. the thoughts come from habit and a bit of anxiety fuels them. Gradually in time they will lose effect on you when you desensitize. Just see it as you cant have the appropriate reaction to cut of from them at the minute, as you have anxiety so the rational part of your brain cant work to give you a calm conclusion to dismiss these as silly. Not trying to discourage you here but i can tell your not fully recovered yet, if you was you wouldnt be bothered if these thoughts went away as they would have no effect on you anyway. Your mistake is basing recovery on getting rid of them, when you should do the opposite and allow them to be around and understand why they have a scary edge. Dont go into secondary thinking trying to figure them out as thats what is fueling them.

    Sandeep acceptance will not rid you of the symptoms, it will rid you of the fear over time. Once you lose the fear completely thats when the symptoms will taper of.

    Selma your describing anxiety, i used to get irritated by typing, people going on and on in conversation, the tv been too loud. Also alcohol did that to me too as i feared feeling weird when i had it, so then i felt weird! These days i can go on a good night out and the only thing im left with is ya bog standard hangover- still feel sorry for myself mind you lol. Try not to read into every symptom as something else, its not if it was you wouldnt pick up on it- only those around you would notice you was having one of those illnesses. People with them type of illnesses are of in there own little world, you near hear a crazy person say they feared going crazy.. its a totally diff ball game to anxiety trust me. Anxiety is nervous illness, not mental illness- maybe a few symptoms like thoughts, depression and depersonalisation but there symptoms not another disorder.

  362. selma Says:

    T, i can definitely relate :) i felt like my thinking had “permanently changed” and i would just never think the same way. now i am having longer periods of just not noticing anything, although when i do get setbacks they are still really rough. i really think that is just the analyzing your thoughts and i totally have the thing about memories. i don’t like to go certain places or do certain things that remind me of places i’ve been when i had bad anxiety…but when i’m good, those memories don’t seem to bother me as much or i just don’t hink about them. i think trying to analyze the memories and thoughts only seems to make things worse…but i still struggle with that oo. just want you to know you’re not alone in those symptoms. sometimes i think we feel our symtpoms are so strange that we must be the only ones to think that way…

  363. MLK Says:

    Hi Everyone! I have been doing a lot better lately, little anxiety here and there, but nothing I cant handle! I still am a worrier though…literally if I dont have something to worry about, I will make something up that I will dwell on. Not even a week ago, I was worried that my boyfriend was going to break up with me. I worried about it until I was blue in the face. Now that I know he wont break up with me anytime soon, I am worrying that I dont love him anymore. I analyze everything I do around him, and it is driving me nuts. My thought process goes back and forth “I wasnt all that sad to not see him tonight..that must mean I dont love him” When in all reality, its probably a healthy thing if we dont see each other every night and I dont feel attached to him. Should I learn to dismiss these thoughts as driven by anxiety?

  364. MLK Says:

    Hey T,
    I just wanted to let you know that I was thinking those exact same thoughts not long ago. I know exactly how you feel..its almost like being trapped inside your mind with nothing else to think about. BUT, for me, as time went on, I realized that I HAD thought these thoughts before, I just didnt allow them to bother me because I wasnt in an anxious state. You’re right, they are weird thoughts, but we ALL have weird matter if you have anxiety or not! For example, one of my roommates one day was like “hey guys, why do you we have ears? why cant we just have like holes in our heads?” All of us were like huh??? We then proceeded to laugh about it and even talk about all the weird thoughts we all had. The difference between me and them was that they didnt let the thoughts bother them because they werent dealing with anxiety..I WAS! This is not to say that I dont think strange things sometimes, especially about life and our existence and even death, because I do. But I try not to allow them to suck me into this cycle of thoughts and emotions that make me feel uncomfortable…and if they do, whatever!! You are not going crazy! Live with the strange feeling for now, dont let it ruffle your feathers, and it will pass. It has for me, and it will for you! I totally understand how frustrating it can be, but it will get better! I am not totally recovered, I have a terrible time worrying about anything and everything, but I can say that I dont over-think my anxiety anymore. Hope this helps a little bit!! :) Have a good day!

  365. T Says:

    thanks to all of you for your answers. It’s like this, you lived normal all your life and suddenly anxiety hits you ( depersonalization, derealization etc.) and you feel scared and confused by this new state your in. And now after months of having anxiety, feeling weird, drowsy, sleepy, checking, you suddenly feel normal again and its confusing and scary. Like you just woke up from a dream. Like these anxiety months never happened but they did and thats why you suddenly feel so strange feeling normal. Then I start thinking ” but what if I never felt normal” “what is normal”? and then what is this? this, Life? me? How can life exist and then how can death exist? How am I here at this moment writing this on my computer?etc…thats how it goes and thats how I feel, can’t explain better.
    One day I had 3 hours where I didnt think about anything, I was at my spanish course and then I realzed “wow I “, felt normal I let myslef just be” and didn’t think about anything weird and it felt soo strange to me. You know, going through life without analyzing, checking and deep thinking feels soo odd to me now, because I guess I got used to doing all that and forgot how it is to live normal. And that feeling causes all those questions. Hope you understand what I am describing. Hugs

  366. lisa Says:

    it is weird T,especially when you suffer for along time. its like paul said to me once its a bit like being in prison for along time,then fnally your released, just keep living along beside it and accepting 😉

  367. Wayne Says:


    Question: I have been sick with a sore throat and aches since Friday but got really bad Monday and then developed a fever yesterday. I am managing well. Since I have not been feeling well I have had no depersonlization or odd feelings. Will these feelings come back when I am better or is this just part of the process?

  368. yolande Says:

    HI Candie,

    Just need some reasurrances here (I really appreciate it that you take the time to address all our concerns!):

    =====> Sometimes when I find i think faster than I speak. EG my thoughts run ahead and i find that i tend to stumble over what i want to say

    Thank you Candie!

  369. yolande Says:

    Arggg hit submit too soon.

    What I want to ask as per above is if it’s normal?

    Thanks so much Candie

    To Selma,

    Yes, I get v irritated too when my colleagues talk or laugh too loudly. I still do in fact altho it’s not as bad now. TV sounded so loud intially now it’s normal – so i think things will improve – just need time.

  370. Candie Says:

    Wayne no one can tell you that, everyone is differant.. your symptoms will be 3 steps forward one step back, sometimes a huge leap, sometimes a setback, sometimes plateau for a while… but you gradually move forward.

    Yolande yes this is normal, anything you feel that you didnt before anxiety is normal for anxiety. However, mean this in a cruel to be kind sort of way- someone had to tell me the same a while back. There has to come a point when your having some form of anxiety that you learn to look to yourself for reassurance only as acceptance is all part of relying on yourself only.. it does take time to let go of asking everyone for reassurance and advice, but one day i just decided not to do it- it was hard at first but i got there. Anxiety will try get you to rule out everything that scares you, like you need to prove its harmless- you dont. You need to take a chance that everything you feel is anxiety and let that be that. I had tons of symptoms never mentioned on here, but i decided they only came when i got anxiety so that is what they are. Look to yourself for recovery, and through acceptance you will find it :) If you are seeking a lot of reassurance then you are not accepting, you are trying to rid yourself of the fear. Now and again we all need that helping hand, but ultimately it has to be us helping ourself. Please dont take this the wrong way, it helped me a lot when someone had the same coversation with me :)

  371. Paul David Says:

    Just to let everyone know things did not work out in the Isle of Wight. I went down to do some voluntry work and see the Island. It soon became apparant that promises on accomadation and hours were broken and it was not what I expected. So I have returned and will be putting a new post up at the start of next month. Thanks Candie for taking on the whole running of the blog while I have been away, I will chat properly with you soon 😉


  372. Lotty Says:

    Candie, I would like to thank you very much for your response to my post. I had a feeling you had experienced a bad setback, and it was exactly the reassurance I needed: “Just remember if you didnt experience the worst of it enough, how would you learn to accept it and move forward?”. This is the conclusion I came to too, I had experienced many setbacks, but I felt I was always a tiny step further along than in my darkest days. If you don’t ever feel as bad as you did in the beginning, you will always have that niggling fear “but what if it gets THAT bad again?”.
    Rachel, thanks you for your words of empathy. I know how it feels. Sometimes I think the same thing, about the anxiety almost being preferable to the depression. But I know before that it has passed, and that is by following Paul’s path. I got through many setbacks this way. But this one is a real corker. How are you feeling today?

  373. Wayne Says:

    thank you Candie….

  374. yolande Says:

    Hi Candie,

    Thank you! I do know what you are getting at and incidentally when i sent off the request yesterday, i told myself that today will be the last time i will come onto this blog or at least to take a longer break. I guess it’s just a bad habit of mine :)

    Thank you for all your help so far!!

  375. C Says:


    Ive had a pretty normal week really, ups and downs as usual but yano what that happens anyways!! I hope things are well for you!

    Ive been finding that I am ok in work now can concentrate on tasks, talk to people and getting on with things great. When Im with people I feel great and it seems the only time I am inwardly thinkin and then the dreaded feeling returns is when im in certain places, for example the Car is the worst im on my own and its just think think think. The toilet in work and when I first wake up in the morning. I cant wait for the day when I can wake up and not assess myself, i dont mean to do it, it just happens. I used to love lying there but now i just get up cause otherwise im worse. The day after having a few wines is the same im not sure if its dehydration or just the fear, i just dont know but im not going to stop cause thats what I do anyways.

    I cant believe how much my mind chatters, it doesnt stop i feel like saying shut up sometimes lol. When someone mentions a subject that has been one of my worries/scary thoughts my belly does still jump and the thought is there for a while but i just let it there, even tho its still a scary thought and i think oh no is this here for the night now, it does pass!!!

    I hope I am getting better and Im trying my best to spend more time in the car and on my own cause these are now the problem areas and the more i do it and accept what happens there hopefuly the less of a fear it becomes.

    I wanted to ask you something (paul and candie and JO) rumination is part of anxiety right? Can I stop myself ruminating? like i get the scary thought and then i start thinking oh no its here forever i know it la la la, cant i think no, ya doing it again or do i just them chatter away?

    also will mentioned ‘ignoring’ was one of the secondary reactions we ‘do’ how is this differnt to getting on with my task and letting it be there?

    great weather guys hope it lasts. this vitamin D can only be good for our happiness levels,

    C x

  376. T Says:

    can anyone relate to what I wrote in my last post?

  377. Eric Says:

    Reading your posts have all helped out a lot. My anxiety started when my friend told me I had just taken Ecstacy without knowing and began to freak out thinking it was going to mess me up forever. For a week I couldn’t think straight at all but once I came to this site I began to accept it would pass in time and since then my anxiety attacks have almost completely gone but I still dont feel like my old self again.

    If anyone has overcome anxiety, what was the timeline like for you to full recovery and does looking back on it bring back up the anxious feelings again?

  378. Yolande Says:

    Have been doing ok lately but suffered a minor setback yesterday night. Stomach spams. sigh

  379. Ashleigh Says:

    Hi, I’m only 12 and I’ve been suffering from anxiety lately and i’ve been having panic attacks and depersonalization. My sight is bad and I always feel tired. My head keeps telling me nothing is real and I’m the only person living and I’m going mad or going to die. And when I go to sleep I can only breathe out of one nostrils.
    I only found out about this website yesterday and I feel like I am recovering (SLOWLY) already. But as soon as I feel like I am recovering all of a sudden i just loose it. HELP!
    Thank you so much for this, it has been a really big help.

  380. ross Says:

    Hey Ashleigh,
    All these symptoms are anxiety playing there tricks , No one has EVER died or lost control with anxiety it just makes you feel like that .

    I have been exactly where you are so dont worry. Just try and accept these feelings arent real and dont be impressed by them cos they mean NOTHING .

    Just try and go with the flow and let your body recover .. i know that sounds really hard as it can be really frightening. im nearly recovered purely cos i gave a ‘i dont care’ attitude towards my symptoms and anxiety can never stop you doin anything.

    Keep checking on this website for advice as there are people here that can really help you more so than me .

    Hope you get better soon , dont put a timescale on recovery just try live your life and enjoy yourself . All these feelings are temporary and the real you WILL be back .

    Hope this helps :)

  381. Mark R Says:

    To Ashleigh,

    The reason for breathing out of one nostril may not be to do with anxiety, Your body naturally alternates between nostrils every few hours to take in breath.

    I suffered a broken nose around 13 years ago and didnt get it reset, I have trouble breathing through my left side. I use a Sinex to help that.

  382. kiran Says:

    I have been suffering from anxiety for last two years…worst, bad,not so good,better,again not so good,good so on…but about six months back started taking lexapro…and started feeling kind of normal again after the intial two or three weeks of bad symptoms or side effects of lexapro…but it got much better with just few bad days or not so good days….
    I usually drop in on this site on and off on my very bad days…which had totally reduced in the last couple of months…but since last week it has been really bad…and feels worst then ever…i feel like i am back to where i had started from or even worse…as i feel i might pass out when i am out…and that feeling is making me so scared of going anywhere…
    i always feel very good and relieved when i visit this site and get some confidence back…that everything will be ok…and that i am not the only one….thankyou everyone and Paul for this wonderful site…it is helping many people like me.
    If anyone has a insight on the feelings i am going through these days please do share…it will be greatly appreciated.

  383. Candie Says:

    Kiran i experienced my very first panic attack with this fear, i would go out and physically feel the feelings of passing out, but i never did. It was just fear tricking me- so i went everywhere and when i felt like i was passing out i thought to myself ‘come on then anxiety make me pass out’.. it never did and even if it did it was no big deal- only in my mind!

  384. Ashleigh Says:

    This thing with my nostrills, I think, is just one of my symptoms because whenever i am stressed or anxious i can only breathe out of one nostrill.
    Depersonalization is probably one of my worst syptoms because all the time everything feels like a dream. Even my dreams feel more realistic than life. I am going on holiday soon and my mind keeps telling me I’m not going to make it there, or the planes going to crash. Obviously, I will make it but whenever I talk about it I feel the anxiety build up inside of me. i feel so scared all the time, but I feel there’s nothing I can do about it.

  385. Marifer Agabin Says:

    Hello! When I first feel this symptoms i thought i was sick and it will get well so i ignore it.. First it was my arm hurting and then suddenly im at work i feel heaviness on my hand and weakness when i use the computer and then it became the whole body, I never felt anxious before this came out but i admit i worry much about little things like when my cat disappeared ill always think what if.. even when i”m small i usually scared of reporting or reciting in class, i’m shaking and feel so tense.i”m shaking when I’m angry and cry when someout raise a voice on me.. I really don’t know that there a such thing like anxiety disorder, I”m so depressed right now and don’t know what to do. need help!

  386. Trudi Says:

    Wow that was strange. I just wrote an extremely long
    comment but after I clicked submit my comment didn’t appear.
    Grrrr… well I’m not writing all that over again.

    Anyhow, just wanted to say excellent blog!

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