I feel like I am trapped in my own mind

O.k as promised here is todays post and something I wanted to cover as it is something I felt for a long while even into my recovery and sometimes beyond.

Feeling trapped in your own mind is an unpleasant feeling and one many people with anxiety suffer with. I could give a list of why this is but in my opinion the main cause is the pondless thinking about ‘us’. If you think about the average person walking down the street, they will be thinking about the meal on Saturday, then the meeting at work later in the day, meeting friends for lunch, everything is outward, where as anxiety sufferes think mainly of themselves and how they are feeling, everything is inward, which causes many of the feelings of being trapped in your own mind.

I spent years thinking about me, worrying and trying to figure a way out of the way I felt, but this had the opposite effect and I began to feel more and more trapped and isolated. Of course I would feel trapped in my own mind, it makes sense to me now as I never let anything else in, the deep thinking about the way I felt and how to escape had sent me down a path where ‘anxiety’ had become me, I was so used to worrying and thinking that this became a habit, like a needle stuck in a record.

So what I needed to do was change this process and let other things into my day, live in the present and stop worrying about me, the past and the future, it was time to escape from my own mind, to unlock some doors and begin to live again. So I had to begin teach myself to live in the present. If I had to cook, then I would cook, I would not cook and worry about me anymore. If I went to the shop to buy some groceries then that is what I would do, I would not spend the whole walk thinking about how to escape from my anxiety. Of course the habit to think about me was there, I felt as though my mind was on me most of the day, but that was fine, that was a habit, this would thaw in time as long as I continued to practice this way.

Anyone who knows me will know I am not a big fan of forums, I really dislike them because again I think people become reliant on them, logging in everyday to talk and read about anxiety, day in day out and to be fair I see the same names there years later. I am anxiety free now but I am involved so much in the subject I do need to take a break from time to time, I need to have other things in my life and I make a conscious effort to play sport, to socialise, to go out riding my bike and other things. My week has many a focus and feels fresh and not bogged down with one subject.

So anxiety or not just try and add other things into your week, try not to worry so much, anxiety has a habit of making us think the worst and on finding an outlet things get magnified. Trust me once you take the anxiety away then you find it hard to worry, the need is just not there. This taught me a lot once I began to really make strides into my recovery. Before I would be in worry mode and think everything needed to be sorted out, worry about what people thought, worry about meeting someone, worry about how I was feeling, the whole cycle. But into my recovery I would have some really good weeks, almost anxiety free and the need to worry would not be there, I would smile at some of things that had me worrying the month before. The trick then was to realise that my anxiety magnified things and the next time anxiety reared its head I would just let everything go, it was not going to have me worrying, going over things trying to make things right, my anxiety was no longer going to send me down the road of worry, making me feel awful, the worrys were false anyway, caused by my anxiety needing an outlet. In time I actually became a master in letting things go, the more you practice the easier things get.

Feeling free of my own mind was a gradual process, it came in layers, the worry slowed, my mind became clearer and I felt alive again, free of myself. Below is a list of things that helped me overcome this feeling and what caused me to feel this way in the first place.

What caused it:

The deep thinking about my condition

Worrying about everything and anything

Not adding other things into my day, having no other focus but me

Things that helped me:

Getting out and socialising more, finding new hobbies, in my case it was redescovering my love for sport. In the early days I had to drag the old worrying me there, but I went for a swim, went cycling and just stopped sitting at home brooding about my situation. I trusted that in time my mind would regain its flexability, would welcome plenty of other things to focus on, become more flexible and in time it did. I would wake up and think about it being a nice day and about my bike ride, I would stop off for a drink and a sandwich, before I would wake up and think ‘Anxiety and how am I going to get rid of it’ to feel more real I had live more real was my motto.

Just living for that day. The first time I went running I was thinking how great I would feel, how my anxiety would improve and almost watching how I felt when I got back and being disapointed if I did not. Again I was doing things wrong, I was running to fix my anxiety and again doing two things at once, running and thinking about me, instead of just being in the present and running. So the next time I went I thought I don’t care how I feel when I get back, if I feel great then brilliant, if not then o.k, that is not why I am running anymore and the run was far better. I would lose myself in what was around me, the fields, the birds, the run itself and I enjoyed the run so much better. Before if I was doing a task and the curtain of dread and anxiety fell, I would go on autopilot with the task I was doing and concentrate on me again and why I felt so bad and try and fix it, but I knew in time this was wrong and the next time the cloud of anxiety fell, I let it and just carried on with the task in hand there was nothing to fix. And again in time I stopped worrying about me so much and I became more involved in what was around me, I was bothering less and less about me. This took time but the rewards were great.

You will find many people who have recovered from anxiety no longer come on this blog, there are many like this as they now just want to go out and live again, they don’t feel the need to drown themselves in the subject. I tell a lot of people who visit here that the blog is a great place to educate yourself and not feel so alone, but take some time out from it, go out and do things, have another focus and maybe just come back for a read from time to time.

Anyway I hope people got something out of the above. Just to let everyone know I will be doing the 10k run for the charity Anxietycare two weeks on Sunday with Mike from this blog. I am just about up to full fitness and am really looking forward to it. Just to say thank you to everyone who has sponsored me, you all know who you are. I can’t tell you how thankful I am and I promise to post all the pics of the day up on here afterwards.


For more help with anxiety visit www.anxietynomore.co.uk

For more information about my book ‘At last a life’ visit

At Last a Life The Book

594 Responses to “I feel like I am trapped in my own mind”

  1. Fiona Says:

    Hi i have been looking forward to this post as although i’ve made great progress, I had been doing a lot of deep thinking for a couple of weeks and really turned the attention on myself, tuning in and trying to control my thoughts and worrying about them. I’ve been really concious of doing this also. And as you would expect this deep thinking has put me into a setback with DP etc. Its not nice but i know why it has happened so now i’m letting go, allowing thoughts to be there without investigating and just trying to keep it real. Your so right about the average person, they’re thinking about all sorts of random nonsense without this intense focus. I can remember being like that myself!!! I know what i have to do to achieve this again the hard part is doing it.
    Great post anyway and i’m sure it will help alot of people because the inward thinking is a very strong habit. Especially if anxiety is high. But as you say it can go with time…… is there any special technique you can rember using. For me i feel allowing thoughts to flow helps because ok the attention is on me for a while but if my thoughts are flowing it will move on to something else it may later revert back but the time inbetween is giving my mind a chance to refresh. The problem is when it sticks and anxietyi s high. I remember reading in Claire Weekes book that the mind is not designed to think all the time as it very much a receptor for processing information. With anxiety there is to much concious thought.
    Any other opinions or insights on the matter?
    Fiona xx

  2. Paul David Says:

    Hi Fiona and also welcome to the blog, I have read your posts and you seem a really nice helpful person who is willing to listen and support others.

    You say: is there any special technique you can remember using. For me i feel allowing thoughts to flow helps because ok the attention is on me for a while but if my thoughts are flowing it will move on to something else it may later revert back but the time inbetween is giving my mind a chance to refresh.

    Do you know what Fiona I just thought whatever rubbish and confusion is going on ‘up there’, Ill let it, I had an inner belief in time that it would all sort itself out and not try and do it myself, if that makes sense, just a total abandonment to anything. But that’s right your attention may wonder onto other things, as it wants to, it does not want you to be concerned with you all the time, it wants other things to focus on. So try to let it have other focuses, if the attention is on you that’s fine, this will come through habit, but once you don’t care and allow it to ‘be’ it will find other things to focus on.

    What I did wrong is try to fight my way out of this feeling, which again had the opposite effect as I was back on ‘me’, again a need to fix. Then I just thought if the attention is on me, then so be it, I no longer care I will just live my life with it there and straight away once you let this feeling be there then you lose the attention on yourself, if I allow myself to feel this way I can’t fight, worry or ruminate about it, this was the key.


  3. lisa Says:

    brilliant paul, i was the same for a long time, just the attention on the feeling remains now for me but i know will go in time. good luck on the run, i should be at the finishing line doin me karaoke..lol :-) the rest of you on here believe what paul says , i felt like paul as though i was a prisoner in my own mind for 6 years, but thats all gone now by allowing it there and getting on with everyday tasks, socialising, doing my house up, shopping, cooking, etc.. iv heard its forecast snow next week just when we thought spring was here :-)

  4. Paul David Says:

    Hiya Lisa, Thanks for the encouragement on the run, my foot swelled up like a balloon on Sunday and I thought I may have to pull out but its fine again and no reaction after playing squash yesterday, so all systems go.

    And I know how far you have come, me and Candie have always said how you never complain about how you are feeling and just taken things on board and got on, that is a great quality Lisa you have. Its very easy for us to feel sorry for ourselves, I know I had a few tears in my darkest days but I always believed I would get better and trusted that I would. It just takes a belief that it will and trust in what you are told. I spent everyday trying for the quick fix, having little or no patience to be better and one day I just said enough is enough, this will take a little time and trust in what I have learnt, its the best telling off I ever gave myself.


  5. Tracey Says:


    Everyday I have moments where I’m fine and then I’m reminded by my odd thoughts and I feel myself wanting to get anxious sometimes but sometimes I don’t feel that way at all …I do get really bad headaches tho when I feel the odd thoughts coming back. is this still like Candie told me before the memory of my odd thought trying to drag me back in? and also the moments when I get the thought and I dont get a reaction to it is this what it feels like when you’re starting to become desensitized from the thought?

  6. Candie Says:

    Brilliant post Paulie, rings so true with me at times as you know- i noticed instead of disapearing over night one day it gradually subsided and then comes and gos. Onwards and upwards eh 😀

  7. Tracey Says:

    Okay everytime I post on here I end up having a ‘eureka’ moment afterwards. I noticed that from time to time when I have an odd thought I still dwell on it, instead of letting it in then letting it go which probably explains my headaches because the minute I stop dwelling my headache goes away. I know I’ll continue to have the thought for awhile because of memory and I the reason I continue to get anxious from time to time because I dwell sometimes afterwards — am I right? So after the thought pops in my head would it be avoiding if I cut the dwelling before it starts or do you let the dwelling happen as part of the thoughts? I hope this isnt too confusing

  8. lisa Says:

    tracey just let them in and let them go,its a bit like youv opened a window in your kitchen and a fly comes in, the more you try to get the fly out the more is buzzes round n round, just the same with your thoughts. leave the fly alone and eventually it will just buzz back out of the window, just like your thoughts just go. hope that makes sense . thanks paul for the nice comment.i have had my moans but there was no point sitting there trying to get rid, work it out, fight, battle, took me along time to figure that out but got there in the end. candies a great friend and we just moan about grey hairs now haha. xx

  9. Candie Says:

    Aww thanks Lisa, Ditto- and remember our ginger hair will go white not grey…. something that finally pays of for been a red head eh!

    Tracey, acknowledge you have an anxious mind which is why you over react to the thoughts and dwell. Once you realise its just anxiety finding a release its then easy not to add the second fear and not fight your thoughts- dismiss them as symptoms of an anxiety mind- with tired nerves been the cause. If you can do this your mind will quieten down and regain normality eventually as you are not fearing it.

  10. Tracey Says:

    Thanks …Candie, you’re probably saying “I thought she got it before!!” I totally did and I still do I just get stuck. I will get back on track, thank you both!

  11. Paul David Says:

    Yes Tracey its very common, the old habits just resurface and throw us off track from time to time, but the more we do the right thing, the more it becomes second nature. Just keep brushing yourself down and practicing what you have learnt and a new you will rise up, one that you probably thought you had lost.

  12. alex Says:

    god bless you paul

  13. myka Says:

    Thanks Paul, and others who contribute to this site.

    This is my first comment, I’m hoping comments like these help others, as someones helped me, and also become a self-served therapy as I write.

    Reading this blog has helped me immensely. I came from being and extremely confident and articulate person to a scared, weak, anxious wreck. From some help from my GP (who suggested other routes, and not medicine) and this website I have been doing most things, like changing to a healthy diet, exercise etc. As Paul says doing Exercise for the right reasons and not because of removing anxiety, so if you have a setback you wont abandon exercise. Loosing a little weight and feeling more supple definately helps my confidence. Eating well always makes sense, as other ailments from binging while stressed (high cholestrol, blood pressure) can knock you back further.

    However, the advice Paul and others have given did help: i.e “You’ll get over it”. “It takes time, see light at the end of the tunnel”. “Don’t loose hope it’ll come to you in it’s own time”. Patience, is truly, a virtue, and I’m feeling so much better than before.

    I think one thing that helped was taking an account of my life and those things that are high-stress factors, and instead of avoiding them try to sort them out. For example – pressure from Manager – speak to them, or someone else in the organisation and explain (in confidence) how you feel (however embarrssing), and how you can work to turn the heat down a bit. Same goes for any issues with your spouse. And most times you’ll find they are sympathetic and will help to combat this. Although I understand that some people may not feel comfortable doing this as a paranoia feeling of this will be seen as a weakness, however it’s an option, and it’s your call.

    For some unexplained reason, I started watching youTube videos and interviews of the likes of Muhammad Ali. Perhaps, because he was a hero to me, and at one point he oozed with confidence. One thing I read about boxing is that most fights are won before the fighters get into the ring, by controlling nerves. Indeed, sometimes you’d see this in the fighters eyes at ringside before the bout. It’s interesting how some of the advice boxers receive is similar to what’s given here on this site, not medication or anything else.

    Additionaly, Cus D’Amato, Mike Tyson’s first trainer, guide and foster parent advised the budding champion this oft-cited lesson of the hero and the coward: “The hero and the coward both feel the same thing, but the hero uses his fear, projects it onto his opponent, while the coward runs. It’s the same thing, fear, but it’s what you do with it that matters.”

    This was profound for me, as I realised (and recalled memories in myself) that both heros and cowards feel fear (fight or flight), however it’s how you interpret it, give notice to it, and use it for your advantage or at your peril.

    Finally, I completely agree with Paul’s advice in this post. A mentor and sage recently gave me the advice: “Look you can’t worry nor do anything about the past it’s gone. The future is out of your hands. So concentrate on the present”.

    Hope this helps someone.


  14. sandra Says:


    I bought your book on the 7th of March and just wanted to say Thankyou for explaining everything so easily. I have had anxiety since last June/July which once I started avoiding places led to agoraphobia, I started cbt therapy in January and have been practicing walking a few yards to the shop and back each day , but since reading your book I’ve started looking at this ‘monster’ in a different way …straight away I started accepting the feelings ( I wasnt able to stand in my kitchen on my own and make a cup of tea without panicing and gripping onto the side) ..Now two weeks on I feel such a relief, I re-read your book…(like you say its like revising)..and this Sunday just gone me and my partner got in a cab and went to a little beer garden about a mile from home …I felt shaky and weird but I sat there and let the feeling come, I drank my orangejuice and just sat there chatting and thinking omg I’m outside on this lovely spring day …I thought I would order the cab home in relief …but no …we walked back!!!!! I can’t explain how huge that is for me.Walking back I felt the odd surge of panic and my partner kept saying do you want me to call the cab ..but I just said no and carried on walking feeling anxious but telling myself not to feel the second fear and how I feel I feel …I made flash cards of a few of your saying that I carried with me :)…Im not very good at typing exactly how I feel …I really just want to say Thankyou :) xxx I know I’m not back to ‘me’ yet ..but I now feel like its possible and I’m getting there :)

  15. teresa Says:

    Thank you Paul and All – good luck with the run Paul I’m sure with your positivity you will do well.

    I’m pleased to report a little door opening in the brain allowing me to peep at a future where I do not have to restrict or watch myself. Comes and goes but I’m relying on it opening wider to see a bright future and with all your positive comments it’s tempting me through – thank you. I am trying not to become too depend on the blog as I want to try and ‘get on with doing non anxiety things’ but all your support is immense.

  16. Stephen Says:

    Hi Paul

    i thought i was so close to being reovered about 2 weeks ago as not much bothered me and i was feeling really good, but then had a set back and had as scarlet would say ‘grey-ish’ days since then. but i can coap its just the thoughts that are really getting to me, like what if i went insane and hurt someone or what if i got depressed i hurt myself or worce. i know they are thoughts and i would never carry them out but they come with such a force they feel real/ really upsetting. are these normal in anxiety?

    i have noticed that if i dont take the thoughts any further they seem to mean nothing really a few minutes later, but its just as they happen they make me feel terrible. Paul should we expect setbacks to happen right until recovery its self? I was thinking the other day about when i was younger and how i was always somewhat an anxious/deep thinker person but its was never an issue i really liked who i was. But when ever i would do something wrong i would allow myself to feel loads of guilt for it. NO wonder why i got myself into this situation! I feel like i am slowly accepting who i am and starting to like my self again. But i suppose thats what recovery teaches us, to accept who we are and love ourselves? because we havent for so long.

    Anyway really good post paul and good luck with the run.

  17. John S Says:

    Good post Paul,
    This is the hardest thing for me to accept by along way. I know im not going ‘mad’ so to speak but my habit of watching my thoughts and thinking inwards is very strong and I hate it. It seems to of got stronger over the past 12 weeks infact. I try to let it be there, I go to uni and i go to the gym and i play football and if im lucky I’ll lose myself for a about ten seconds in what Im doing. Its the one thing that gets me really depressed. I have found when iv said to myself “i dont care anymore, if i go mad, flip out and hurt someone or try and kill myself then so be it. Im too tired to keep up this monitoring” that i tend to feel a bit better but then the next mroning Im back to worrying again and feeling lost. What you say is so logical about it all being a tired mind but for some reason I cant put it all into practice. I might be being impatient aswell because im still only 12 weeks into recovery its just i thought things might be getting easier and id notice improvemnts by now. I want to recover without seeing a therapist and meds which I have been offered. I dont understand why Im finding it hard to put what you say into practice.
    Good luck with the run

  18. Candie Says:

    Welcome to the blog Myka and Sandra :)

    Would just like to say what an inspirational victory you had there Sandra, you did exactly the right thing- went against the irrational mind and faced the fear anyway. Stick at it as you will desensitise to your anxiety and eventually be able to do these things without a second thought or any fear. This is exactly the right way to go, and one that will make you zoom in confidence and eventually recover.

  19. Candie Says:

    Hi John, dont worry if you dont get it straight away- i didnt for a long time… sometimes it can take some of us a bit longer for us to learn to accept our anxieties and put recovery into practice. Dont beat yourself up for it, remove recovery out of the equation… aim to improve bit by bit as it helps not to pressure yourself to be a certain way :)

  20. teresa Says:

    Kashwan – thank you for your supportive post – I had missed it, sorry. The reassurance that we can turn this around and emerge from it to feel normal I find quite exciting. I have been caught in this mode for about 10 years – I have become a lot better and mange to ‘get through’ life where as I used to be really bad. Most of my improvement came from accepting the claire weekes method but because I was working on it ‘alone’ I developed ways of looking for phrases or ‘plasters’ to get me through. Of course this is not the way and you end up lirching from set of syptoms to the next. What I am looking forward to since reading Paul’s book and the support of reading how others have ‘made it through’ is that I will be able to stop watching myself and finding a way out and start living and enjoying.Thank you for your help.

  21. John S Says:

    Thanks for posting back Candie, i know i go on about this alot and i really dont want to frustrate anybody by mentioning it again. Im also a little confused when Paul says total abandonment to what the mind ‘thinks’. Like when i start to feel lost and that Pauls advice doent make sense should I just accept that aswell and eventually it will make sense? I feel like I am doing that because i have the most bizarre scary thoughts and dont do anything about them at all. More than anything, i dont really fear my symptoms like i did, i just really dislike them! I was hoping to get some emotions start to come back, bit of a clearer mind, and interest in things hopefully that will happen gradually soon. I have decided not to go on a stag do at the end of May because it would involve alot of drinking everyday and maybe not the best choice right now :) . Hopefully il get away for a more relaxing break in the summer

  22. Paul David Says:

    Myka some wise words there and your right, we all feel fear, the only thing is we associate fear with a fearful situation and wonder then why we feel it for no real reason, this is why people think they are ‘losing it’ but they are not, it is just a false fear brought on by a sensitised body, a bit of adrenalin on tired nerves, it is totally harmless. I felt like this many times through my own recovery and it truly just became a feeling that hardly bothered me as I understood it. I got to the stage where I did not care if I felt a rush of adrenalin or not and that should always be the attitude, come if you wish I am not running away anymore and everytime I managed fine, in fact I would say is that it, is that all you have, is that the feeling I have been running away from all this time? Once we feel any fear and go into fight or flight our body is saying well its up to you, run or fight and when we do neither, it calms as its job is done, this was what happened everytime with me, I may feel a little after shock of mild anxiety, but that was it.

    Sandra you did everything above, so many people email me saying the same thing as you, ‘Paul nothing happened, I felt nervy and sometimes uncomfortable, but I was fine’ We never find this out unless we allow ourselves to feel this way, so well done you and trust me you will have so many more victorys, you don’t have to push yourself too hard, just at your own pace and you will begin to lose your fear of these feelings, it wont matter if you feel like this or not. The person who does the opposite avoids these feelings, wont go here in case they feel them, wont go there, will avoid this and that, anything but let themselves feel this way, this is why so many people end up in a cycle.

    John you are saying ‘don’t let it bother me I think this way’, but you are. The best advice I can give you is let yourself watch your thoughts. let your mind be on them, this is what is frustrating you but its just a habit, so let your attention be on you, don’t fight this or let it frustrate you, but then don’t start questioing why. Your attention and thoughts are on you through habit so there is nothing you can do about this, don’t then start looking for sayings to make it not be this way, this is what you seem to be doing, allow them to be on you but don’t start questioing why they are, thinking if you think this way you are doing something wrong, it will go in time if you have some patience.

    And thanks for all the support with the run everyone.


  23. Ron S Says:

    I am currently rereading Paul’s book to find some motivation to deal with my anxiety. I have had several episodes of extreme anxiety over the last 30 years but have never resolved the problem from within me. I have always been a moderate to heavy drinker and have used drinking to deal with stress. I am taking to heart Paul’s advice to eliminate alcohol and stop running from anxiety. This current espisode has lasted for the last 4 months. I am starting to resume bicycle riding for exercise and will get a membership at a gym to help as well. I am trying not to avoid anything but realize that I am not living my life as if I did not have anxiety. I am finding it very hard to enjoy the things in my life that always came easy to accomplish. I know I have to do all the things that I am use to doing no matter how I feel. I went on a trip to San Francisco with my sister two weeks ago. I was dreading the flight but I had no problem with panic and even enjoyed it. I did not avoid any of the activities that I had plan eventhough I felt pretty bad at times. I use to live in SF and it has always been my favorite city but I felt I did not enjoy it as much as in the past. I realize that is becuase of the anxiety and I have a real problem with patience. The current post makes so much sense; we have to get our attention away from ourselves and focus on the other things in our lives. I do volunteer work one hour a week but am planning to increase that to expose myself to more people and hopefully help them in the process. I have read many of the posts and responses on this blog but feel that I am becoming addicted to reading them so much. I will try and cut back. I work everyday although my enjoyment in my job has deminished some but, at least, it keeps my busy. Thanks to everyone for all of the posts; I do get some encouragement from your stories and comments.
    Ron S

  24. mike Says:

    paul that is a great post my friend. and id just like to say well done to sandra for her trip to the pub, small steps sandra but well done my love!!
    recently had bit of setback sent me into a bit of a panic but just trying to release the worry of certain things going on in my life at moment e.g job.
    john, just dont beat yourself up about not going on the stag do i recently went to barcelona and understand what you mean about the drink.

  25. lorryt Says:

    good post paul , fully understand , still my main hurdle the thoughts but like u say, dont dwell, and am certainly not letting it stop me doing anything. im off to see scooby doo tonight with my youngest !really exciting stuff eh !

    just looking forward to the day when i can truly see things for what theyare and live for the day without a second thought !

    good days to allxxxxxxxxxxxx

  26. john s Says:

    You are so right Paul. Iv been constantly telling myself accept this constant inward thinking, whatever happens will happen. But this is wrong. Im saying this hoping that it will make it go. Im going to think inwardly for along time thats what i should accept. Its going to be like this for quite a while. I guess i just keep thinking that if i free myself from reverting back to myself all the time then the dp will fade. I think Im seeing what you mean now. Iv never truly accepted it.
    John S

  27. Scarlet Says:

    Sandra, Just to say welcome to the blog.. Well done, you are on the right track. Keep it up, and you will notice gradual improvements.

    When I was at my worst, I didn’t leave my bed for almost 3 months.. now I’m out and about anywhere and everywhere, there’s nothing I don’t do that’s required for ‘normal’ living. I live life to the full these days.

    The key is to not wait until your anxiety goes, to live your life. You must live alongside/with your anxiety for it to go. Took me ages to grasp this concept, and I didn’t really realise it until I was recovered to be honest, as I didn’t have resources like this at the time.

    Loved this blog entry Paul, one of my favourites…

    Stephen, How you doing? Please try to not analyse ‘irrational’ thoughts like this, YOU WON’T HARM ANYONE…. dismiss the thoughts as utter rubbish….and yes they are normal for those suffering anxiety.

    Lisa, Didn’t realise it was 6 years hun…. Wow! you are doing fab now…. Miss Kareoke Queen.

    Hello to all the newbies, and Kashawn you would make a great mental health professional, meant to say before…


  28. myka Says:

    Paul et al, Can you help with one problem that might have the key to unlock my success for an Anxiety-free life. I think I’m nearly there but there is one point that I dread.

    Although, other issues contributed to a build-up of pressure, stress, distress, anxiety. The initial tipping point came in 3 falls at short intervals. All were meetings where I was put on the spot, before I’d relish at the chance of limelight, however these 3 times I crumbled – my heart pounded, mouth-dryed, voice faltered and wavered, and then it happened a full-blown-panic attack. During one episode I walked out, took a breather and walked in again, the meeting was swiftly brought to an end, perhaps for my sake.

    My question is primarily to Paul and any others who could help: If I felt I was about to have a panic attack, or had one infront of the crowd, what do you think that I should do. Carry on as if nothing had happened until my voice settles down it self, or do I apologies briefly explain my condition and then carry on, or do I apologise and politely ask for leave, and then rearrange another meeting?

    I’m hoping that I have my mind sorted and trained for this by telling myself “Hey if it happens then whatever I’ll just do…”? This I beleive will help me eradicate the whole problem.

    Many thanks in advance for you help.


  29. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Myka,

    I wouldn’t leave, perhaps you could say you have a few nerves in front of such a large crowd if you wish, which is to be expected anyway.. but take a deep breath, carry on with your meeting and live through the panic attack, give it no weight at all…. If you make an excuse and leave at this stage you will be avoiding facing your fear, which will probably mean more of the same next time.

    Hope this helps

    Welcome to the blog Myka


  30. lisa Says:

    hooray scarlets back how are you hun? i had a hell of alot to face scarlet, then had a breakdown, got into lots of habits but hey last hurdle now so it proves it can be done im living proof hun. i love your advise to people as well as candies and pauls , hope everyone well xxx

  31. Kashawn Says:


    I agree with Scarlet, don’t leave. Leaving or making special arrangements would pay anxiety loads of respect, if you have a panic attack then so be it; live through it, WELCOME IT (the key), have the “come what may” attitude regardless of the situation your in. And as a bonus; going through the presentation and having a panic attack will improve your confidence, you will feel so much more happier and confident after going through it. All the best :)

    Paul awesome post yet again brother, Im going to take a Anxiety blog break as you say; this place is a good support area but breaks are also a necessity as you say. Thanks again!!!

    All the best 2 everyone; keep the faith.


  32. teresa Says:

    Just like to say that all of you who have recovered and are here helping the new ones are doing a brilliant job. There is no one more believable than someone who’s been through it. The positivity really does help you keep the faith. Thanks

  33. louise Says:

    Hi everyone,found the post to b very helpful,ive been feeling not too bad at all lately,social situations have always been a nightmare for me but since reading pauls book and practising accepting ive had some very positive social experiances,i cant believe it,but by simply taking away the fear and allowing myself to be ive realised that nothing ghastly happens!!!!!i may show some anxiety but so what-its not the end of the world!!Ive also been doing my best to not avoid any situations,i had been doing this for way too long,this i do find really hard but im really pushing myself because i know this is the key to recovery.Instead of walking through asda hoping i dont see anyone i know i actually hope i do cause it allows me to practice facing my fears,the worst that can happen is ill be anxious!!!so what!And i really mean that ive had enough and the best part is since facing these fears ive actually realised that i CAN be good company!!!!!The inward thinking is defo still there and it comes in wee bursts normally when im feeling good,its like a horrible voice telling me not to get complacent that it will get me another way-its not nice but im learning to let it b there if it fsncies,it can do me no harm and surely if i pay it no attention it will get fed up and leave me alone but even if it never does its NOT important because theyre only thoughts!!!!I feel like part of this recovery road is also about accepting who i am what im about and so long as im not living my life in fear then ill deal with everything else.Ialso agree that we do need time out from here,living and doing normal everyday things but knowing at the back of your head youre not alone and friendly advice is never far away.All the best everyone an thankyou so so much paul speak soon xxxxx

  34. sasha Says:

    Hi Paul and Scarlet,
    I was doing good for couple of days..out of the blue this came back again..and i started being so aware of my thinking dont know what to speak and when to speak. i am getting frustrated its like when people in a room talk to each other my mind goes about like what to say now? and the way i ask something makes it so artificial that the person may feel its a bit odd . though u say not to give any attention atleast i have to think what to speak again the problem starts it keeps asking questions..
    i become so aware of myself i just want to switch that overconsciousness of myself .i cant behave natural .its like always i feel there is nothing i can do about it..even after days of feeling good it came out of the blue..i feel paralysed..and no enthusiam to do anything.how about NLP? anyone who has done CBT found any change?Please do reply..awaiting ur reply!!

  35. Kashawn Says:

    Hello Everyone!!!
    This will be my last post (honestly haha) for a while, im taking a break from this blogging as Paul says. I just want to write about what I know to date about Anxiety, I think it will help people. At first, it would be soo hard for me to understand when Paul would say there really is nothing to do when trying to recover from Anxiety, Paul would say: “its all about not doing”.

    I truly understand this now, recovering from anxiety is all about not doing. Try to see Anxiety as a storm that rolls around throughout the day sometimes; this storm is comprised of irrational thoughts, intense feelings of fear and dread, depression, and the rest of the symptoms. THE KEY WHEN THE ANXIETY STORM comes in is to just be, let all the thoughts/obsessions come in, let all the symptoms happen, LET ALL THE ATTENTION BE ON YOU, do not try to alter anything or do anything despite how bad you feel, and the anxiety storm passes and the NERVES are given time to heal because no fear was added to the mix. Since April of 2008 I found that one of my habits was trying to figure the anxiety attack out, thinkng to myself: “oh man what do I do”, “I gota calm myself down”; this was the very reason my anxiety cycle grew. Its tempting to try to figure things out once we feel symptoms and the KEY is to let these thoughts/questions come in JUST DONT ADD TO THEM. The mind is sooo resilient and flexible and youl feel that your mind becomes clearer as you ALLOW yourself to feel awful and JUST BE. This is what I know about Anxiety up to this point and I feel sooo much more better:)

    Alright, well Im off this blog for a few weeks. I wish everyone the best and if I can help anyone in anyway, email me or msn messenger me at any time: khachanm@gmail.com

    All the best to everyone, keep the faith.


  36. Paul David Says:

    John S

    You are so right Paul. Iv been constantly telling myself accept this constant inward thinking, whatever happens will happen. But this is wrong. Im saying this hoping that it will make it go.

    John this is exactly what you are doing.

    Im going to think inwardly for along time thats what i should accept.

    Yes exactly.

    I guess i just keep thinking that if i free myself from reverting back to myself all the time then the dp will fade.

    Now again don’t fight to free yourself, this is what you are doing, just know that you are going to think inwardly and yes its frustrating, but let it be this way for the time being, don’t be impatient with yourself or try and fight to be right or think of sayings to make you ‘not’ think inwardly, this is a habit that’s all, you are finally getting it now.

    O.k sorry I can’t asnwer everyone, I try and put a post up and then make sure everyone has grasped it and answer as much as I can in the first few days. The blog is growing so big now and I only have limited time for it as my workload is out growing me at times. So I will try and pop in from time to time, but please don’t be offended if I can’t get back to people on certain things.

    Scarlet and Kashwan, really glad you like the post, I do try and go for quality and not quantity and it does get tough trying to think of new things to say, so appreciate your comments and glad you enjoyed it.

    And lastly I did not expect it but thank you for the 3 people who sponsored me in the last couple of days Marina, Ron S and JR and the total with online and off line sponsors is now nearing the £500 mark. It really means a lot and the charity have been in touch today about the run and I have asked that they post a few words to everyone on here who has sponsored me, trust me it will help so many people. They do a lot of house visits to people who feel they can’t get to the centre and man the phones and without funding so many people would be denied this and you have all made a big difference so thank you.


  37. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Sasha,

    “I was doing good for couple of days..out of the blue this came back again..and i started being so aware of my thinking dont know what to speak and when to speak. i am getting frustrated its like when people in a room talk to each other my mind goes about like what to say now? and the way i ask something makes it so artificial that the person may feel its a bit odd . though u say not to give any attention atleast i have to think what to speak again the problem starts it keeps asking questions..
    i become so aware of myself i just want to switch that overconsciousness of myself .i cant behave natural .its like always i feel there is nothing i can do about it..even after days of feeling good it came out of the blue..i feel paralysed..and no enthusiam to do anything.”

    I know it’s hard Sasha but you are having a setback, it doesn’t matter if the focus is on you, let it be.. give it time to disappear itself. You must face your fears as much as you can whilst having a setback, ie. put yourself in ‘uncomfortable’ situations, don’t avoid anything, and the setback will run it’s course….. Most probably no-one can tell you aren’t behaving naturally, it’s your own thinking.

    “how about NLP? anyone who has done CBT found any change?Please do reply..awaiting ur reply!!”

    I never had any therapy at all myself, but a friend of mine (without anxiety/depression) swears by NLP, she said it’s life changing. I remember looking into all these self-help methods myself when I was suffering…. but couldn’t afford it, and as it turned out, didn’t need it anyway..

  38. lisa Says:

    i had cbt but to be honest it was rubbish, then i was taught what paul said to sit with the thoughts, let them be there.if you can sit with the thoughts and feelings you become less afraid of them. if you are worried and you cant do anything about it or change it to let them go. bob you sound your frightened of the symtoms, try n relax your body when the symtoms are there they cant hurt you there just unpleasant thats all. kashawn, i really liked your post well written. paul well done thats fab for the charity :-) have a good wekend everyone xx

  39. John P Says:

    Hey everyone been a while since I posted. Hi scarlett and candie its been a while. I doing ok so far and still in nursing school. I en having great days, sometimes just good moments, and moments of not thinking anythings. Its all stuff I lost and seems tobe coming back. The funny thing is that when I grew up I was always picked on and made fun of when I made a mistake or didnt know something. So I decided to learn anything and everything. The problem I noticed with this is that for some reason I had tis thought if it didnt come from me then it is bs. Thats how I use to thik and now it coflicts with me taking advice. I also recovering but seem to find days where I want to cry and just feel like why. I loved life and everyone in it. I just want to be a happy person and to just live life. I dont want to get depressed but seems like I sometimes am.

  40. sandra Says:


    Would just like to say thankyou to Candie, Mike and Scarlet for welcoming me to the blog and for your encouragment, it really helps so ty :)…I’ve stopped feeling sorry for myself (no self-pity) and I’ve stopped moaping around in my dressing gown all day waiting to get well, Scarlet its so encouraging to know you now live your life to the full ..well done x :)…I was scared to leave my bedroom for a few months last year too, but then I thought hang on first I was scared of the supermarket, then the street, then my own kitchen and bathroom..this thing is just chasing me and making my world smaller and smaller, so I now get up as soon as I wake up, I have breakfast and I do just what I did before, sometimes I feel awful but I carry on regardless, I dont dash back to sit on the bed like I did before, Paul made me see that fighting and being scared don’t work so try the opposite :)…I’m still working on going out on my own!…I’m taking little steps and so far so good …I see the difference each day, so ty all xx

  41. teresa Says:

    Realise Kashwan is probably off blog now but thank you to Kashwan, Paul Scarlet and Lisa – this penny is dropping!!!
    Not without the fears coming on in and then feel the sort of ‘hysteria’ of thought that accompanies it, as thought is often accompanied with a symptom and ‘oh my god here we go, I’ve got this now , or this is back and I’m stuck with it…’ Where as my immediate reaction used to be – look for something to alleviate this feeling, a thought, book, anything before it get worse and stick’s, almost like trying to ‘bat’ it back to the other side of the court. Now I am saying, ok – don’t like you but don’t have to do anything to get rid of you, I will have more success by not trying to get rid of you. The thought of Kashwan’s storm did help me picture it all and ride the storm. Scarlet and Lisa, you are so encouraging with your advice and saying you have been there and came through, and importantly without having to resort to expensive therapies. Because, as you know, no matter how much we may understand the need to accept – and do – then suddenly all the doubts come flooding in and , off we go again, coming back here and reading how you did that too, but you are now living normally is living proof we can all get there – it’s such good news. the thought of being free to get on with life is wonderful. Hope all goes well for Paul tomorrow, he has been amazing in writing the book and bringing this situation about. All – have a good weekend, looking forward …

  42. katie Says:

    Since finding this blog its so easy to see how before hand,i were fighting from the anxiety but it really is true that by not fighting you feel the benefit so much better!You sound like you are coming on so well with it Sandra,keep it up! I am in recovery now, and dont avoid anything like I used to when my anxiety first started. This blog has helped me loads and Pauls book really is amazing. I aint had it that long and already borrowed it to 3 people to read. Iv recommended this website to my counsellor-who i now no longer see as he said Iv done so well and its down to this blog,candie and also down to Pauls book for my recovery!!
    So Sandra, definately keep pushing yourself to do the things that you were once afraid of doing-the uncomfortable feelings are only natural at first, but the more you do, the more these feelings will subside!
    The better you get at it, the more you will see that it no longer has to control your life!

  43. katie Says:

    Paul, i aslo want to sponsor you for your run, how do i go about it??

  44. lisa Says:

    hello sandra and teresa, your doing great just keep telling yourselfs, i used to be the same sandra frightened of washing up, using the cash macine, cooking tea, used to eat all my meals in my bedroom but felt no better so had to change what i was doing wrong, so your doing great. i thought kashawns post just summed it all up brilliantly :-) . hows my friend candie doin?hope your having lots of naps hun xx off to get me nails done now, have a briill weekend everyone xx

  45. Candie Says:

    Thanks Katie, but really i just told you a few of my acheivements i had learnt on here and Pauls book and you made your own recovery :) Here is the Link you requested to the sponsorship page of Pauls run Click Here

  46. Candie Says:

    Hey Lisa, i am doing very well thankyou- yes im napping away in the afternoone now… need to! Hope your ok and will catch up on msn soon as i have something to send you x x x

  47. teresa Says:

    Lisa – the nails really made me smile, hope they are fab. Katie you sound like you’ve got it sussed and are a great encouragement too – Sandra, sounds like you’re doing really good too.Katie I agree the blog keeps reinforcing the fact that you do not ned to fight this but just get on with it knowing everyone else did and came through. It’s quite a hard thing to grasp and I’m still ‘getting there’ not, quite, arrived but I really feel the support of the rest of you makes recovery ‘real’ not just a transitory dream/wish. KNOWING the others have done it establishes it in my mind and when I doubt myself that does kick in. So hope it’s a sunny time for you all.

  48. katie Says:

    Definately Teresa, as Paul says, fighting doesnt work so why not try the opposite??I think we all fight it at first until we understand and come to terms with the fact that it just doesnt work. Acceptance definately is the key to success and you sound like you are on the right track to recovery, so stick at it! You are heading in the right direction. There are a few bumps along the way-as i have found out, particularly at the time of month, but hey they soon pass! I too am still ‘getting there’ but everyday im getting better!even when a setback occurs, they aint lasting as long as they used to because i now am accepting them as part of the parcel towards recovery!

  49. teresa Says:

    Yes KatyI thought the way through was to fight it, fo a long time. Met some bumps too, and guess there’ll be a few more, but as our understanding grows there’s always a voice to challenge a voice, so I’m ‘sticking with it, along with the rest of you and heading way on out of it!!! It’s so great when you find others that are getting out too. Thanks Katie.

  50. katie Says:

    Yep bumps are expected but accept them and dont fight them, and they too wont last as long and be as bad as the previous setback you would have had!thats what im finding at the minute!but your on the right track with the rest of us!and we will support each other right through recovery!

  51. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Teresa,

    You are on the right track. I used to try and distract myself as much as possible at one time as well.. we have all been there, tried everything and anything 😉 but of course it comes right back at ya!, like a boomerang.

    As Kashawn says, “weather the storm”.. it really works, as you are not caught in a battle all day looking for anything to make the feeling go, you are embracing it instead. This most definitely is the way to go for full recovery, as you are working towards eliminating the fear from your thoughts.

    But of course this takes time… as there’s a lot of doubting along the way. However as you see yourself making strides and this method working, your confidence will grow, and so will your peace of mind.

    Lovely weekend


  52. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Sandra,

    You are doing very well. It’s a hard bumpy road, but you can reach the end I’m sure of it.

    I was scared of everything at one time as well, in fact I was scared of living, thought I would never be able to live a ‘normal’ independant life without constant round the clock care, EVER AGAIN!!!.. I just pulled the covers over my head and lay there wallowing in my own misery. I can recall this period now as I sit here.

    Now I am practically living alone with my two kids, as my husband works 16 hours a day, and I live at the other side of the world with no support whatsoever… plus I don’t always fill my day with distractions, I could watch paint dry these days and not have any intrusive thoughts at all. You can be like this as well, most certainly!!!… Just remember to push yourself as and when you are able, put yourself in uncomfortable situations as much as you can.

    To be honest when I left the hospital with my baby (I had PND), my husband was straight back at work, and I was pushed in the deep end really… didn’t realise it at the time, but it was the best thing he did, becasue as I spent time alone (and it was far from easy) my confidence grew… and I stopped relying on others to get me well, I did it on my own. So do try and get out on your own, even if it’s only to the corner shop, around the block, crossing the road… and build it up from there. You can do it.

  53. John p Says:

    Hi Scarlett , Candie, Paul,

    I am just feeling a bit down. I feel lile maybe this will never go away completely or I wont be able to enjoy life and feel the wat i use to. The emotions I had sometimes come now. Other times they seem to be empty. I feel so lonely at times. The doubting was going and seems to come back. Its been tuff lately. Thanks all for the support!

  54. john p Says:

    Candie I just wanted to say congrats on the baby. You are an inspiration. Thank you for all your help and congrats on becoming a mommy and making your love a daddy:o).

  55. Candie Says:

    Hi John, thankyou… he is Due in June so im looking forward to having him! Just a quick note on what you said about feeling a bit down, i was like that for a LONG TIME!!! Honestly, every day was a struggle, terrible obsessive thoughts, felt depressed and had bad anxiety and felt trapped in my own mind- i honestly thought nothing would work for me and i was losing it, i even begged my doctor to section me as i just didnt know what was going on. Well today, i have no low mood… no obsessive thoughts, really mild occasional anxiety and have just spent a full day where i didnt once feel anxious or feel trapped in my head at all. It was like my mind was finally able to just be me- the non anxious me! However i got to this stage by doing what Paul says, if you feel bad so be it- its hard to describe the right attitude to have but if you feel anxiety coming and you can think ‘lets be having you, do your worst’ and mean it- then thats my approach and what has helped me. The most important thing is to stay positive as it help… if you think oh this will never go away, then think to yourself.. anxiety you can make me feel like whatever- but i will no longer be bluffed by you always trying to make me asume the worst.

  56. teresa Says:

    Scarlet, thank you for the words of encouragement. It’s so much help to speak with someone who has come out the other side. I have spent years lurching from one thing to another, of course every time I found a satisfiable answer to one sypmtom, another would emerge – in the end I gave in and decided to think this was going to be me forever – I was disappointed as I am quite a happy sort of person who wants to be involved in life, I sort of made a half life and told myself to get on with it. Now for the first time I actually believe I can have a future without it. I know I will doubt, I have had to face a lot over the last week almost as if it’s testing my resolve – but now I know what to do I try to accept even my frightneing thoughts, the worst one being this is with you forever. I think the fact I can see living proof that it does not have to be like that is slowly emerging into my head – it comes and goes but as you said in time my confidence will increase and it will become steadier. I do involve myself in ‘everyday ‘ life as much as possible and hopefully will try and do it feeling less hard done by or over whelmed.
    You are so good to share your recovery, it really is so much help to us. Thank you.

  57. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Teresa,

    “but now I know what to do I try to accept even my frightneing thoughts, the worst one being this is with you forever”

    This is the way to go, I had this thought and I bet my bottom dollar this is the most popular thought for everyone 😉 When this thought enters your mind, adopt a ‘whatever’ attitude/emotion, say to yourself “you know what, thought, so what if you are with me forever, I’ll manage”, and leave it at that until it comes again… Don’t allow yourself to attach an anxious emotion to any of your thoughts now, try and get out of this habit, and replace the emotion with a matter-of-fact one, it really works the more you practice it.

    “Now for the first time I actually believe I can have a future without it. I think the fact I can see living proof that it does not have to be like that is slowly emerging into my head – it comes and goes but as you said in time my confidence will increase and it will become steadier. ”

    You most certainly can, but of course it will take time for the doubting ‘habit’ to go, and you will be up and down for a while, one moment believing, another doubting… this is to be expected

    Lovely day


  58. Scarlet Says:

    Hi John,

    “am just feeling a bit down. I feel lile maybe this will never go away completely or I wont be able to enjoy life and feel the wat i use to. The emotions I had sometimes come now. Other times they seem to be empty. I feel so lonely at times. The doubting was going and seems to come back. Its been tuff lately. Thanks all for the support!”

    Long time since we heard from you. Hows the nursing going? When are you graduating?

    Sorry you are feeling crappy, it’s a setback John and to be expected. You are doing very well. You will get your life back on track, so weather the storm for the moment, accept that you are having a setback and carry on with your everyday activities alongside your anxiety.. and the doubting will soon go.


  59. teresa Says:

    Thank you Scarlet – I do know I will not always sound as positive as this but I will accept that too. Knowing that there comes a time when ‘it’ does not control your thoughts constantly is the antidote to it all, I’m sure. At the moment because I have decided to throw myself in ‘it’s’ headlights I am over aware of myself but that’s ok – I know that I am following others who have been there and come out the other side. Hope you have a lovely day Scarlet, thank you.

  60. Paul David Says:

    Hi everyone, I just want to ask that people on here to also try to get to know each other. When we first started this blog there were not many about and so many friendships were made. So please feel free not to just ask questions, but to also support and get to know others. Making new friendships and being supportive can be just as helpful as any advice.


  61. Jessica Says:

    Hello Everyone.

    It’s been some 2-3 weeks since i got to know this website and got to know that i actually suffer from anxiety. I have felt a bit improved because some of my fears have reduced, for example, i was having the fear of listening to songs, but now i can listen to them for 2 hours non-stop. i have read the blog on obsessive thoughts and I understand very well that anxiety plays a lot of nasty tricks on us.

    But I am having a bit doubt, why when i say play your tricks, i don’t feel confident, though i know it’s just anxiety playing its tricks on me. will this confidence come with time?

    Can anyone help please.


  62. louise Says:

    Hey everyone,i had a wee read over the last thing i wrote and my god how a couple of days can change things!!!!I was feeling really good and dead positive and out of the blue went down like a sack of spuds!!!Its really frustrating and ive had a good cry over the weekend,im feeling better today but i dont know why,its like my thoughts r totally out of my control.dp was dreadful over the weekend,everytime i got involved in conversation i wanted to run away,i was convinced i was acting really strange,i also felt dead paranoid.Im finding it really difficult to not avoid things even the thought of doing certain things gets my heart going and the inward thinking starts which then causes dp,im starting to think that maybe this is more than anxiety,i dont know how to act/bahave at times and my thoughts and feelings suffocate me.Its just that i was having good days and i have seen myself anxiety free and being normal,but how do you maintain this.im starting to worry i could b bipolar,it would explain certain things.speak soon xxxxxxx

  63. Stephen Says:

    Hey scarlet,

    Im not too bad. how have you been? Been doing ok with my anxiety laterly but have been really stressed with uni and work. Today i was feeling bad, just not really happy, edgy and frustrated and i quesitoned myself as to why without even realizing i had been stressing about uni all day. no wonder why i felt bad. before my anxiety if i would of stressed out about anything i still would of felt bad like everyone who stresses does but known it was only the stress that made me feel bad and therefor not questioned it.

    Although im having little set backs here and there all the time im not worrying about it no where near as much and having more pink periods and normal moments. I also remember when i would be under pressure/stress before my anxiety and felt irritated and not happy but always new things would get better and they did. Just one question i wanted to ask you, i asked it in pauls last post but i dont think u got to read it. This girl i work with has bipolar and she carrys on about it like a 4 year old and almost uses it to seek attention. Like she says random stuff like ‘u dont know what is going on in my head right now’ and i get abit anxious just hearing her carry on about it as mental illnesses such as bipolar use to me my biggest fears. do i just ignor her? i wish she would just not bring it up but i suppose that would be me running away from a fear then?

    But besides that still strongly feel im on the right road. hope everyone is having a good week


  64. teresa Says:

    Hi All
    Louise – I expect the fact that you can go back and read ‘how you were’ should tell you you’re not thinking rationally at the moment – I am questioning myself all the time at the moment – sometimes I’m able to ignore ‘me’ and then other times I start this,’I’ll never got out of here…’ thoughts – we know deep down that we can but is seems an inevitable part of the road we are on. I think what we are being told is just accept it and carry on, I don’t say that light heartidly, I KNOW how hard it is. I also know my weakness is self pity and trying to control the way I feel. ‘So what’ is a hard attitude to adopt – but we have so many others that have been there and say it works I’m sure it will for the rest of us too. Don’t worry about these crazy thoughts you’re having and the same with you stephen – everyone else knows that they are anxiety, but because they are the ones that frighten you at the moment they are the ones that have the most ‘weight’. I have a problem with my mouth at the moment, I KNOW it’s anxiety but my thoughts are throwing, yeh ok it’s anxiety but you don’t like it, why is it back, etc etc – it will go, just like the bi polar fears and thoughts. AND YES Stephen , we’re on the right road, the others are living proof of it. Hope everyone is ok and I better get back to getting on with living a ‘non anxiety life!!! Cheerio for now

  65. sandra Says:

    Hi all

    Well on Saturday morning I finally went to the doctors for my smear test, they have been badgering me for months and I’ve been too scared because the wait in the docs waiting room is agonising. Last time I went I couldn’t sit still because I was so scared . This time I sat there quiet at ease, I still had to get a cab (no public transport just yet!), and my partner Martin and my granddaughter Kasey whos 7 came with me …Kasey had stayed the night (another thing I’d always done before, but haven’t since last year because I felt that I could just about look after myself and I’d be a rubbish gran…anyway we had fun, we did drawings and made cakes :) )…Anyway the smear went ok, and I chatted to the nurse and felt quiet ‘normal’..When we left there we ordered the cab to take Kasey home and I said lets stop at the park and walk to her house from there!! Wow I shocked myself ..Its not far from the park to her house but far enough!!! We even stood and watched her play on the swings for 10/15 minutes…I felt strange but just did it, I wasn’t half as shaky and panicy as I have been in the past just stepping outside let alone the park!!..We walked back to her house and after we got a cab home …arrrghh the dreaded cabs taking up all my money …maybe a bus will be my next thing?!…Sunday I wanted to walk to the cemetary and put some flowers on my mums grave but only got half way and turned back :(..I let it beat me?…Thankyou again all for your support xx

  66. Fiona Says:

    Hi Louise, unfortunatley that is the nature of setback as i’ve been there myself recently but i think you can come out of them again feeling really positive and strong. Remember it is ju8st the fight/flight repsonse. Your body is all keyed up for action and this produces lots of weird but harmless physical and mental sensations. What you have to realise is that ok it feels bad but your body will always cope and shut off the anxiety it will never escalate out of control. Your bodily systems will not allow it and you will ALWAYS cope. You have to just start ignoring the need for fight or flight when your body starts realising adrenaline for no apparant reason. To recover you need to escape the fight/flight response and allow the production of adrenaline in your body to settle and retun to normal. Remember the panic/anxiety response and all the thoughts and feeling are natural so relax in your attitude and trust in your body to deal with out without fear or worry! xxxx

  67. lisa Says:

    hi ladies, hope you all had a nice mothers day and got spoilt x :-) i got sunday lunch cooked for me from hubby and the kids, chocolates,a little teddy and homemade cards. iv saved them all the homemade cards over the years, there great to look back on. its a day we wont forget with jade goody passing away but shes made people aware now on how smear tests are important to us girls, so well done sandra for going :-) the sun is shining lovely here so washing to be put out and weeding today i think :-(. im not a fan of gardening, think its a mans job hehe!! sorry guys.

  68. sandra Says:

    Hi Lisa

    Glad you had a good mothers day, I’d missed your post before about you being scared of washing up etc, I still get those feelings in the kitchen and generally walking around the house, like I’ll be ok and then this woosh of fear will come, I tend to grab hold of the side or a chair or something in fear of collapsing but am trying to ignore the feelings and not grip on to things ..are you ok and past that now I was just wondering ? x

  69. Paul David Says:

    Lisa weather is awful here, really windy, I am suppose to be going for a run soon but I have an angel and a devil on each shoulder. Also had a few dreaded ciders last night and my head hurts a little. Be round to do your gardening soon 😉

  70. sandra Says:

    Sorry, just a quick ty also to Scarlet Katie and Teresa for all your encouragment it means a lot to me ty x Scarlet really well done :) I will try what you suggested about walking to the corner shop on my own as I think I’ve come to rely on Martin lotsss .I’ll let you know how I get on :) tc x

  71. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Stephen,

    You are doing great.

    “This girl i work with has bipolar and she carrys on about it like a 4 year old and almost uses it to seek attention. Like she says random stuff like ‘u dont know what is going on in my head right now’ and i get abit anxious just hearing her carry on about it as mental illnesses such as bipolar use to me my biggest fears. do i just ignor her? i wish she would just not bring it up but i suppose that would be me running away from a fear then?”

    To be honest Stephen, it’s not necessary for recovery, (and nothing to do with avoidance/running away), to not want to know the ins and outs of other folks personal issues. Look at it this way, would you have wanted to know if you weren’t suffering anxiety?. If you do want to know and are curious, then ask her what’s going on in her head, but if not, you could perhaps ask her to be less vocal about it, as it’s disturbing you and the others in the office (ooo that’s awful isn’t it.. so unlike me, but what the hell 😉

  72. Scarlet Says:

    Was it mothers day yesterday?… ooooo no-one remembered me :-(

  73. Candie Says:

    Paul wrote :

    ”Hi everyone, I just want to ask that people on here to also try to get to know each other. When we first started this blog there were not many about and so many friendships were made. So please feel free not to just ask questions, but to also support and get to know others. Making new friendships and being supportive can be just as helpful as any advice.”

    OK, it would be lovely to know a bit about everyone and talk a bit of topic now and again. I will go first:

    My name is Candie, and i live in East Yorkshire. I am expecting my first baby in June, so im running around like a headless chicken trying to prepare everything. I have met some lovely people on this blog since been a member last year and have just about recovered myself, i think its important to support eachother and have a laugh in general aswell (mainly at my expense when it comes to Paul and his fatty pregnant jibes hahah).

    Ok, whos next!

  74. lisa Says:

    hi sandra, yes im about recovered now just the feeling remains now but thats with whats going on in the present,which is understandable but will go when iv dealt with it.it does get better its just focusing on something else when you feel you need to hold on, go and do something or chat to someone until it passes by. iv got the rake ready for you paul :-) iv no grass so wont take you long,,but i do need the fence creasoting hehe 😉

  75. katie Says:

    Its ok sandra, its great that we can all offer advise to each other and help out when needed!

    Jessica,your doing the right thing by allowing the anxiety to be there, and yes your confidence will grow more and more each time you say it to yourself. You have done well to accept it as anxiety as this is a big hurdle for some, so well done for that. Now you have jus got to be patient with the ‘confidence’ thing and it will come with time.It took me a while to accept it as anxiety but after finding this blog, speaking to the people on here and reading Pauls book, it really inspires you that YES it is jus anxiety playing its tricks on you, even when the doubts creep in and YES recovery is possible! Dont let it make you want to avoid things, keep at doing everyday things, even if it makes you feel uncomfy. the more often you do, the less the fear affects you and eventually subsides.

  76. lisa Says:

    oooooooohhh scarlet, right you tell your hubby you want wining n dining tonight, flowers chocolate..the works. 😉

  77. Candie Says:

    Yes it was Scarlet, awww bless you! Do they not celebrate it where you live x x

  78. katie Says:

    Il go Candie!!!!
    Im Katie, i live with my boyfriend in Bolton,im 24 with a soon-to-be 2 year old little girl!!!she is my world!but getting a little madam now lol the more her personality is developing!! I work full time so my life can be pretty hectic!but wouldnt change any of it!

  79. Scarlet Says:


    I haven’t seen my hubby in 48 hours.. am totally on my lonesome with my two kids. My hubby never remembers anniversaries anyway. As for cooking, I should be so lucky!!!

    Anyways I’ve got a terrible cold at the moment and am just feeling sorry for myselgf…

  80. Fiona Says:

    Hi if we are getting to know each other i’ll join in to! I’m Fiona, 31, i’m scottish and a teacher. I’m pretty busy inside and outside work but i like that way….. keeps me out of mischief!! I enjoy reading, excercise, shopping and seeing my friends and boyfirend! xxx

  81. lorryt Says:

    hi all

    in response to Candies introduction

    Im lorry, 36, married with 3 kids 5,9 and 40 ( i include my hubby as a child !!)
    from Southampton born and bred, strong in the arm and thick in the head i think is the saying !. work part time ,full time mum, and generally busy person. Has a breakdown about 2 years ago and still left with the remnants of depressions and anxiety, hence im here ! getting better slowly, but recently suffering a set back or two, and struggling with the old thoughts side of things. a few weeks ago things were going really well and i thought the old me had returned but im back to a bit of the other me !

    just plod on i guess!

    all the best everyone and hope you are keeping well candiexx

  82. katie Says:

    I work in a school Fiona- im a learning suppport assistant so work with all the learning/behaviour need kids!!
    Lorry, my thoughts are still there too, but i know they are down to habit now as they come, i dont panic just get the uncomfy feelings that come with them!but i know eventually like the rest of the symptoms they will go-they are the last symptom to go arent they??

  83. Paul David Says:

    Trust Candie to start things off lol…It was just a note, as the bigger the place grows, the less people seem to get to know each other, it’s just the amount of people that come along which makes it harder.

    A little about me. I am 38 and live in Huddersfield with my partner who also works in a school, she is the dreaded truancy officer the kids dread :)
    Apart from running this site, I am kept busy with building websites and trying to keep fit. I also like reading, bike riding, socialising and doing a few boot sales in the summer. Through the site I have met some really nice people over the last two and a half years, especially Candie/Lisa who both share my same daft sense of humour and are really genuine nice people, as are so many that have come and gone in the past.

    Anyway it’s nice to read about others and know a little more about people who post.

    Also Katie I have just read all the posts and you asked about sponsorship, no pressure there at all and I see Candie has passed you on a link, hope you liked the book she sent you to.


  84. Candie Says:

    Haha Paul- someone has to speak up! Awww Scarlet you should go on strike… no cooked dinners till he remembers 😀

    Paul… we all expect to see lots of pics of you running, who thinks he should run in fancy dress? hahaha- dressed as a sumo wrestler- Whats that Paul??… the best idea iv had all year :p

  85. katie Says:

    yes thanks paul, im reading through it now, catching up on all the new bits you have added.i think its great you have added people’s personal experiences in there as it shows what they are going through and how you advice them to deal with it now that you are successfully recovered which will benefit those who read it!about the sponsor, there is no pressure-i think its great that you are doing it, not only have you helped so many with this website and your book, but your now raising money for it and i admire you for that!!!

  86. Annie Says:

    Hi everyone. I’ve just popped in here a few times, so I’ll introduce myself. I’m 43 yrs. old, originally from upstate NY and now live in Oregon, after many other stops in the US. I’m married, with two children, ages 6 and 7. I’ve been a nurse for 15 years, specializing in organ transplant, and have also worked on cardiac and trauma units. I’m training for my first half marathon currently. I also enjoy reading, crafts, studying French and socializing.

  87. John S Says:

    Hi, I have been posting since the beginning of the year. I am 23 and live in York. I love football, rugby union (not so much league Paul!) tennis and playing my guitar. I love the smiths, oasis, the stone roses and alot of 60s. 70s and 80s. Not much of whats going on now in music is my cup of tea. Im currently in my last year at uni which and im glad to be part of this blog and appreciate the help from everyone. I have been going about recovery wrongly by not rtruly allowing myself to think inwardly and feel awful. Im actually treating my anxiety and dp more like i would treat a cold or bug at the moment and not tryin to fix anything.
    Cheers guys
    John S

  88. louise Says:

    Teresa,Fiona,thankyou so much for your advice.Teresa you said you where having trouble with your mouth,i too have an issue there,when im talking i almost always am aware of the way my mouth is moving to the point it starts to feel very strange,its uncomfortale but i know to not pay it any respect.Setbacks are hard they really throw you,but i guess we can use them to our advantage and learn from them.Teresa you where so right when you pointed out i wasnt thinking rationally when your really caught up with anxiety its easy to miss whats staring you in the face.Ive felt better today and im feeling positive again and im trying to really allow myself to believe ill get better.Thanx again ladies.xxxxOh ill also follow suit and introduce myself properly-Im 28 from Glasgow i work parttime and im a mother of 3.I enjoy eating ,exercise[just as well]!,reading and chillin out with my family!!Ive suffered from anxiety for as long as i can remember not really sure why and no longer care its not important-the future is!I want to get better for myself and my family and im hoping to find myself along the way,cause i dont think ive ever really known who i am.Not asking alot eh???????

  89. Tracey Says:

    I saw we’re introducing ourselves so I thought I’d chime in. I’m 22 years old, I live in the United States. I currently don’t have a steady job becuz of the stupid ecomony!!! :) I have a wonderful boyfriend, we’ve been dating for almost 2 years now and he’s the man of my dreams. I looove makeup, fashion, movies, and music. Warm sunny weather is my favorite. I’ve been going thru recovery and still pressing on, some days are hard but I remember what I’ve learned and it makes it better. I’ve been struggling with anxiety since October of 2008 and really the only symptom I have now is unwanted thoughts–i dont really get the anxious feeling to them anymore, I’m realizing its just the habit that’s there. All in all I’ve been doing a lot better than when I started. yay! :)

  90. Stephen Says:

    Hahaha scarlet lol. yer i should just tell her to keep it to herself because i dont need to hear it. I was getting myself worked up because it was still bothering me and i thought i had come so far but i suppose if u hang around anyone negative that only talk about their problems it can make you somewhat negative. im pretty sure this also happens to non anxious people.

    im at the stage now if i stopped asking my self how i feel or tuning into myself to see how i am i would be so close! is this one of the last stages to sorta go through? just kinda scared i will always be asking my self throughout any given day for the rest of my life ‘how am i feeling’. this does go doesnt it??

    Mothersday in aus isnt until May 10, got a little worried thinking i had missed it haha.


  91. Jessica Says:

    Hi Katie & All…

    Oh my god, i did not expect a reply. I did not know that people from this blog are sooooo nice and helpful. Anywayz thanks.

    One question: I had anxiety for around 2 years with a lot of negative thoughts. My memory seems to have stored these thoughts because all day long i can think the same thoughts repeatedly. Even when trying to sleep the thoughts pops up automatically. What should i do, i mean how should i accept it?


  92. sasha Says:

    Dear Scarlet..
    How are u? howz ur cold? hope ur doing good..hey i am doing good since past few days..Just one query. its about depersonalisation. when im doing good and enjoying the conversation all of a sudden this unknown strange feeling comes without any provocation and i have few minutes of numbness or unreality .
    when i get back to normalcy the whole enthusiastic mood would have disappered and i feel depressed!!i realise i might have responded innappropriate during those moments
    can u suggest a way in which even if it reminds me of this numbness some thinking pattern like faking…to give me confidence that it will go away if i confront each time…
    but i cant talk for few minutws as its freeze mode…feel drowsy …
    any suggestions? .your tips and advices have always worked for me…:)
    take care..
    loving friend

  93. Scarlet Says:

    Hey Sasha,

    How you doing? I’m feeling crappy and sorry for myself, got a head cold, can’t stop sneezing + hacking cough… also my LO is being extremely naughty today. The weather is hot as well, cant get comfortable.

    “hey i am doing good since past few days..Just one query. its about depersonalisation. when im doing good and enjoying the conversation all of a sudden this unknown strange feeling comes without any provocation and i have few minutes of numbness or unreality .
    when i get back to normalcy the whole enthusiastic mood would have disappered and i feel depressed!!i realise i might have responded innappropriate during those moments”

    It’s become a habit, and checking up on yourself periodically is normal when suffering. It’s understandable that this checking is annoying and draining, and what you are doing is reacting with a negative emotion. You need to learn to brush it off instead. You could try saying something like “thanks for reminding me that you are still around, but I’m busy right now” and leave it at that…. this is what worked for me at times, and yes the more you practice dismisisng your thoughts this way, and not reacting negatively to them, the easier it gets and the sooner they disappear.


  94. Scarlet Says:

    oops as you can see my brains not working today becasue you asked about depersonalisation and not intrusive thoughts, which my reply to youis about .. LOL

    The depresonalisation is a habit, you are expecting it, and ‘hey presto’! it appears… when it comes, just embrace it, welcome it, show it no fear whatsoever. When you can learn to do this instead of being afraid of it, it loses it’s power over you and will stop coming.

  95. lisa Says:

    good morning everyone, im lisa and im 22..lol.. i wish haha. im 37 and live in north yorkshire, only 20 mile away from john s as i see your from york :-).im happily married with 2 children, 15 and 9.i love decorating, shopping,socialising, karaoke and learnt british sign language last year. thank you for the kind comment paul, i am honest and genuine and love a laugh, me and candie can be the “cheeky girls” on here..lol. so glad your feeling better scarlet. jessica, treat them like all your other thoughts, let them come and go, dont be impressed by them, there a bit like a song you cant get out your head, once you invite them in and show your not bothered they go :-) candie, i agree we want loads of pics from the run, tight shorts boys …hehe.. :-)

  96. Jessica Says:

    Hi Scarlet…

    i am Jessica, new to this blog. I see that you are always helping the others. I posted a question above, can you please guide me. Right now i am at my worst, and my nerves are as if “vibrating” inside my head. I can’t hear loud noises, sometimes a phone ringing seems a loud noise for me.

  97. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Jessica welcome to the blog,

    “I had anxiety for around 2 years with a lot of negative thoughts. My memory seems to have stored these thoughts because all day long i can think the same thoughts repeatedly. Even when trying to sleep the thoughts pops up automatically. What should i do, i mean how should i accept it?”

    These thoughts keep returning because you are fearful of them. You need to learn to accept the thought, ie. let it in (which you have no control over), but don’t feel the need to anlayse it any further, cut it off after it’s entered. Some find it helpful to say ‘yeah whatever’ or something similar when a thought of this nature pops in… Also try and not attach a negative emotion to the thoughts. Adopt a matter-of-fact emotion eg. “yeah if you say so” and keep repeating as often as necessary.

    Hope this helps


  98. Jessica Says:

    Yes Scarlet, you are right. I fear these thoughts a lot, and there are a lot of em running in my head right now, every minute of the day. Well i am going to do what you said.

    And Lisa, how do you invite the thoughts?

  99. lisa Says:

    hi jessica, i used the same approach as paul n scarlet, “hi come on in” and carried on what i was doing.they wont hurt you,wont send you mad, let them come in ,but then its focusing on the task your doing, but like scarlet said dont fear them, you need to learn for them to come and go, the more you let them come the less you fear them. there coming in anyway so let them have their space(thats inviting them)then they go when there ready.:-)

  100. Jessica Says:

    Ok Thanks Lisa and Scarlet. I am going to do what you both have told me. As from now on I am going to invite my thoughts. I have not purchased Paul’s book, that is why I am having problem grasping things.

    But I am helpless, I can’t buy it right now, because i don’t have any credit card. Thats y i prefer asking you for help. You know, not even for these 2 years i have thought of inviting my thoughts, all that i was thinking was how to get rid of these thoughts. I have lost a lot in these 2 years. I was constantly crying, everyday was such a frustration for me, even people at work say to me i have changed, i don’t have the charm like before, my face seems so tired. Anyway, better late than never.

    Just to let you know, I am 27, married and work as an admin officer. I like listening to music a lot (which i have statred to do again), i like cooking, shopping and make up.

  101. Scarlet Says:

    I am 21… I wish???

    Live in the UAE, 2 kids.. hubby never at home, so am a single mum with a bit of an income LOL

    I like walking in the sun, swimming, shopping (of course), watching an odd movie here and there, meeting up with my frineds, and chatting (which I do all the time, even to myself) 😉 and I have a dry sense of humour and like a good laugh as often as I can, ooo and gossip – love it ha! ha!

    Jessica, hope we have been of some help, try this new approach hun, it really works, I can vouch for it.


  102. lisa Says:

    jessica you can send a cheque or postal order for pauls book i did,his address is on his website. :-)

  103. lisa Says:

    lol scarlet..we can pretend to be 21/22 haha xx 😉

  104. Jessica Says:

    Yes am going to do it. I am very lucky in another way, as i have a very understanding husband. He has always supported me in these 2 years. Sometimes he might get a bit irritated, but 90% of the time he was very understanding.

    I think Paul will get annoyed, we are using his blog to chat. But i am feeling very peaceful to chat.

  105. Jessica Says:

    Hey Lisa Paul says he no longer accept chaeque or payment by postal order. It’s written in the website.

  106. lisa Says:

    jessica, this is what the blog is for, to help if your stuck, or not sure of anything, but also off topic aswell. think husbands or wives do get irritated because they dont no how to help, but like you my hubbys always been there, not always easy though eh x your better off asking paul on here or sending him a e.mail about his payment methods, thats all i can suggest 😉

  107. Jessica Says:

    Ok Thanks Lisa.

    Hi Paul I don’t have any credit card to buy your book, can you suggest me how can i buy it, because i think that you no longer accept cheques or payment by postal order. You can reply me on this blog itself or reply me on my email address.

    Your reply is awaited.

    Thank u all.

  108. mike Says:

    my name is mike 31 years young and i have a beautiful wife and 2 boys 10 & 5 and a little girl who is 3 in a couple of weeks. i love football (man.city) and rugby league (super saints) and generally all sports.
    introduced to the site last may and thankful that i was. up and down affair is this anxiety but just putting pauls methods to practice and this is defo the best way forward. i wanted to help and get involved with anxiety and looking forward to doing the run with paul on the 5th april. been doing quite a bit of training for it and after checking william hill odds they have me 10/11 favourite to finish before paul with him at 11/2 outsider.. ha ha
    hello to all the new people on the blog and have faith that you will get better, this is the best place to be.
    mike x

  109. Paul David Says:

    O.k just to go through a few posts. Firstly Jessica: I think Paul will get annoyed, we are using his blog to chat. But i am feeling very peaceful to chat.

    You could not be more wrong, I love people getting to know each other and just chatting away, there are some lovely, helpful people on here and I don’t want it to just be a question and answer place, its as important that people can make friends and just let off steam. I try and moderate it to keep it a nice positive place for people to come and that’s how I like it, I want people to not feel so alone and have somewhere they enjoy coming, so chat away, I can gossip and laugh with the best of them. On the book it was the post office that changed there times to pick up my post that messed things up and it was just to much hassle. I still use that postal address though so I can email you the address or the other option is ebay, if you just put the title in you will find it, anyway I will email you direct with more info and then it is up to you entirely Jessica, I don’t push it on anyone, but by reading your posts so far I am sure it would really help you.

    Candie you say: Paul… we all expect to see lots of pics of you running, who thinks he should run in fancy dress? hahaha- dressed as a sumo wrestler- Whats that Paul??… the best idea iv had all year :p

    Hey you I had a real sumo suit on before I started training, lost nearly a stone now cheeky. No I will just be running round in my old school trainers, white socks and lycra shorts :)

    Katie you say: i think its great you have added people’s personal experiences in there as it shows what they are going through and how you advice them to deal with it now that you are successfully recovered which will benefit those who read it!about the sponsor, there is no pressure-i think its great that you are doing it, not only have you helped so many with this website and your book, but your now raising money for it and i admire you for that!!!

    One thing so many people say Katie is that the book is very easy to understand and that its like reading about myself. That is what I set out to do, to make it as real as possible and keep out any medical jargon and adding other peoples story’s and experiences was important as it shows how many people do come through, I was really bad, worse than most but I did not just want to add my story, adding others shows how many people go on to full recovery and how they managed it.

    On the run, I actually had the lady from the charity on the phone yesterday saying thank you so much for doing the run and I said the real people to thank are the people from the blog who have sponsored me, they are the ones that have unselfishly passed on their money for the charity. I needed to get fit again so its the best thing I ever did, but its a team effort on these things and without the kind people to sponsor you then you have nothing.

    And Mike can you please go to the bookmakers and back me for as much as you have on you please, it will be like shelling peas. Only 10 days or so now mate and what about the giants at the weekend, impressive hey!

    And yes welcome to everyone else who has joined recently, all this talk of make up and cooking makes me think we need a few more men around, its like a giant coffee morning in here :)

  110. Fiona Says:

    Hi Katie, i cant believe you have to work with those wee buggers all day! At least i only see my crazies (as i call them) 3 periods a week. Behaviour support deserves a medal! Paul can you please ask your missus to stop returning them to school. I know they keep her in a job but to be honest they dont want to be there and we don’t want them there so she is disturbing the natural balance and harmony of things!!!! :-)
    Fiona xxx

  111. Candie Says:

    Hey Paul, dont go all shy on us now we all know you like wearing a bit of man makeup now and again 😛 As for the race, i have visions of you both keeling over half way round because you didnt pace yourselfs and raced each other hahahahah.

  112. Paul David Says:

    Ha ha Fiona I will ask her to turn a blind eye, it would make her job much easier as its very stressful with home visits now to find out why they are not in school and all some parents are bothered is that she is interupting their Jeremy Kyle!

    And Candie there will be no racing, I will be going at my normal pace, which will be far FASTER than Mikes…Grrrrrrrr

  113. mike Says:

    no racing mate just steady pace will do for me. sorry i forgot to say in above post i live in wigan. did just have a chuckle at that above comment candie.

  114. Fiona Says:

    I’m running a 10k in May. I’m not a bad runner but i’m quite lazy and can never be bothered to keep running after about 20 minutes. I really need to get myself an ipod or something as you measure your progress in songs rather than minutes. I’m hoping to do it in 50 min or so. Although maybe thats a bit ambitious!!
    Fiona xx

  115. lisa Says:

    tight lycra shorts, cheesy chips, curry 4 candie, us cheeky girls will be there with our cameras before during n after hehe 😉

  116. Paul David Says:

    Fiona 50 minutes is very ambitious, a friend of mine runs a lot and has done many and he usually does it around 55 minutes, if I do it under an hour then great, if not as long as I run all the way around I am happy. I know what you mean about getting bored, my friend and running partner has done his leg and I hate going out on my own and do take my own ipod.

    Oh and Lisa no chance of Candie being there, it starts at around 10 and she will still be in la la land at that time, so may see you, but noddy, no chance :)

  117. Candie Says:

    Hey i got up at 8 a few days last week Paul u cheeky git! I bet you are still sat in your duvet now…. it has been known for you to be in it at two o clock :O I am full of cold and have a sore throat myself, so its a PJ day for me!

  118. Fiona Says:

    I was hoping for a 10 min mile or there abouts as that is what i’m doing on the running machine. But street running is much more difficult than running in the gym. My friends that i’m doing the 10k with is a good runner and always runs on the street. I’m know she will push me on, but if round about the 1 hour mark i’ll be very happy!
    Fiona xxx

  119. katie Says:

    Hi Paul,sponsored you last night so i definately wanna see these pics of you running lol!! And yeah totally agree that your book is easy to read and definately straight to the point!Real life expereinces and recoveries including yours give such a positive outlook to recovery being 100% possible. i no longer fear that i will never get better-im patient with it and know it takes time (as i know from the advise from your book).when i look back to when i started with anxiety in October 2008 and how i am today, im nearly back to my old self, and i thank you, your book and the people on here, esp candie!

    Fiona, haha, it can be very tiring and yep some of the ones i work with are definately crazy but i find it so rewarding!I have one class who are in Year 9 now that i have worked with since Year 7, and am gonna follow them right up through to Year 11, so i know them pretty well-hard work though lol.

    jessica,its crazy how desperate you get to want to rid yourself of anxiety and these thoughts isnt it? but now you have been pointed in the right direction, you are going to see changes- and for the better!!!I too were the same, and i always used to google until i came across this site, and since then iv gone from strength to strength, and you will too!

  120. Paul David Says:

    Yes Katie it does take time as we are changing habits and our bodys take time to adjust, many people have come here and improved so much and a few that are now fully recovered. Many think they wont as they are to impressed by how they feel at the time they arrive, they may know nothing else. Almost everyone that emails me telling me how well they are doing, do so after a few weeks/months after reading the book, that’s why I say just go for progress and don’t demand too much too soon.

    And thank you for sponsoring me, I do thank everyone personally on the other thread about my run, but I had not looked at the page recently, so I will thank you here and don’t worry there will be plenty of pics of me crawling the streets of Wakefield.

    Right its time to play Squash, get well soon Candie, have to get rid of the cold as your morning sickness is due soon to.

  121. Nikki Says:

    Hi all I have never posted on the site before but I have been following for a while. I cant tell you how much you have all helped and how far I have come since my anxiety episode began last year.I have ordered pauls book and have a copy of the e book to read while i wait for it to come through. It all makes so much sense. You have all really helped take the fear out of anxiety by explaining why we feel like we do!!I have had loads of symptoms d.p ,palpitations ,chest tightness,HUGE emotion surges and the mad adenalin /fear rushes, obsessive thoughts and extreme tiredness.I am starting to feel more ‘normal’ nowbut I am also thankfull for this anxiety episode because it has given me the oppurtunity to look at the factors that influenced it. I am 33,married with two kids 13 and 8,my life was all work and caring for everyone else .It was only when paul said to continue to live normally and do the things you used to enjoy that I realised i didnt do anything for me.I didnt have any hobbies,social occasions or friends that I saw regularly!!!!NO WONDER I HAVE ANXIETY I HAD NO LIFE lol I am feeling much better about things and getting out there and getting involved despite my anxiety.My analogy of the recovery period is that it took quite a while for us to reach this point (anxiety at its worst) so it will take a while to be our old selves again only when we recover we will be better for having had this experience and make sure our lives are more balanced. Sorry for such a long post but i just wanted to offer a positive view of how we could use anxiety to help us.Take care all x

  122. katie Says:

    Oh i can definately see im left with the habit and know that habits can be reversed with time.Mine are the thoughts im left with now at the min but I rarely panic about my thoughts anymore which is a massive hurdle for me as they have been my main symptom, and the last one to go. but im a patient person and dont mind how long it takes to reverse this habit!
    jus wish i could be a bit more motivated with the exercise side of things lol, although i have been going on my wii fit!!!

  123. Ben Says:


    Firstly just to say I’ve been getting on really well with the advice on a day to day basis, but every now and again I have to do presentations etc in work. Anyway, despite doing a few recently that have gone well – I had to do something a bit ad-hoc today in front of a room full of people. I felt so anxious it was untrue and it went rubbish. It wasn’t even that serious (a training course) but after being really confident talking all the way through the meeting etc, when it come round to my turn it went really bad.

    I just feel really silly and upset about the whole thing now. On a positive note I actually had the choice of not doing it and did it anyway which I am sort of pleased with, but can’t help thinking about it. I know this is not the way to deal with it but can’t seem to switch off and think “so what”. Is it just a case of doing it more and more and becoming desensitized ? I’m finding all these meetings/pushing towards the anxiety are really draining me but I am mindful that the minute I start avoiding things it will make matters worse in the long term. I don’t want things like this to stop my recovery but it is like my subconscious won’t switch off….

    Good luck on the 10K btw – I did my first one last year and amazingly did it in 55 minutes. I had the same goal as you, keep running and under an hour. My running partner also had one of those GPS devices I mentioned to you which enabled us to track our pace so we knew when we hit 7k that if we kept the pace up we would do under an hour. A few funny things that also kept me going during the run was the mantra that “pain is just weakness leaving your body….haha! and remembering (towards the end) that everyone you overtake is another place you gain – really spurred me on for a bit of a sprint at the end.



  124. lisa Says:

    lol paul haha 😉

  125. Nikki Says:

    Hi all just a quick question, the last few days I have been feeling much more like myself,not so many rushes of fear and alot of the emotion i was feeling has gone also the obsessive thoughts are not bothering me now, still there but I dont react to them. I feel like I am getting my symptoms but in reverse, before I was diagnosed as having anxiety I had symptoms of aching all over and a temperature like feeling occasionaly.These old symptoms have been returning as my more intense symptoms are subsiding. Does anyone else have this? What i mean is not the exact symptoms but the feeling of going back through earlier symptoms. I feel like im coming out of this the way i came in so to speak. I dont mind these symptoms at all just wondering if this may be the way anxietty settles. Thanks x

  126. teresa Says:

    Hi All
    Thought I’d introduce myself too – think I’m the oldest in the gang – just turned 50, 2 grown up children and a grown up husband, lol. I too work in schools, although at the moment doing freelance work in the art world. I live in Wales. I’ve had anxiety for over 10 years and I am a lot better than I was those many years ago, but still each day is spent monitoring which syptoms are currently wearing me down. I have been handling it wrong for a long time but felt it was the only way through, looking for something to alleviate the worry in order to lift the ‘pain/symptom’. I should have enough experience of when I’m thinking right I feel right – and when I’m thinking right i have a don’t care attitude anyway. The biggest problem I have is I let the symptom get to me, try and think my way out of it… this has to change, and I am trying.

    Since reading Paul’s book I am inspired to know that there is a future without it – the blog keeps this alive as you are living proof of this. At the moments I am having a problem believing it all again and the negative, I’ll never get rid of this is back. I’m even trying to accept that, I know it’s not going to change overnight so tomorrow is another day.

    I won’t name you all – but thanks for all your help and encouraging us newbies along the path to recovery – I’m sure we’ll get there and in turn help others. All that running, you sound a mighty fit bunch!!!

  127. JR Says:

    great post Paul and good luck with your run. I’m hoping to run a marathon with my wife in the near future. it’s funny how you think you’re in better shape then what you really are sometimes…i ran around the block a few days ago and when I got back I was heaving and coughing, feeling like I was about to die!! the next two days I was so sore. I kept with it though and ran the same distance yesterday. It’s funny how it’s not as hard the second time around. I used to be super fit before all this anxiety and DP came along, then I just stopped working out (that was about 6-7 years ago.

    I feel myself getting stronger through all of this, both mentally and physically. I have days where I can faintly see myself under all this anxiety/DP mess. The layers are pealing away slowly. I’m not going to rush recovery as this just leads to worrying about myself again. I need the attention off myself…I’m so sick of worrying about me, it’s actually quite boring. : )

    I hope everyone is having good days, but if you’re having a bad day just let it be there, doing this makes the good days come sooner!!

  128. JR Says:

    just read some of the above posts…haha…paul I agree with you too much girlie talk. I just killed a snake the other day, and felt pretty cool about it to tell you the truth. It was only about a 8 inches long, but hey, who the hell is keeping tabs.

  129. Scarlet Says:

    8 inches, sounds more like a worm to me JR 😉

    Teresa, No worries about being the oldest here, I am catching up with you fast, and Lisas not far behind (winks). You have the right attitude, ride out the bad days, and allow them to have their space. It’s the nature of anxiety to be confident one minute and a doubting Thomas the next.. we have all been there. You need to learn to not think your way out all the time, it’s fruitless and gets you stuck in a loop.. The more you practice allowing your thoughts in, but not analysing them, the easier it gets.

    Those who meditate are able to not think of anything for hours.. me I never could do it properly, but the idea of bringing yourself back into the present moment is a powerful one, and this is how I live most of the time… this is where your peace of mind lies, so allow in your thoughts, but get on with ‘normal’ life at the same time.


  130. lisa Says:

    oooouchhhhh scarlet, lol 😉

  131. teresa Says:

    JR – another runner, think I better find a pair of trainers!!! Not totally unfit as I do do some walking several times a week and once the weather picks up will get back on my bike again – although it’s more done because ‘I should’ than ‘I want’.
    Scarlet, thanks for that, I am having a little ‘spell’ at the moment and I think it’s because I am confronting the situation, I found Paul’s book days before my 50th and made a decision that if others have done it so can I. So in a way where as before I was living with this ‘it’, I had accepted that I would lurch from one bout of ‘not being right’ to the next, I had infact labelled and accepted that I was an anxiety sufferer and that was me for life – a pretty daunting prospect – but a form of acceptance. Now I have to sort of relearn my attitude – so it’s facing and accepting but with an expectation of the future too. I think this is ‘at the moment’ leaving me open to getting worse before I get better as the focus is temporarily back on me and me learning to face it the right way. I am trying not to take an easy route, and always concerned that I am handling/thinking it the wrong way – I sort of know somewhere deep inside that all this is gonna lead somewhere and that it’s like learning to drive a car or ride a bike and all of a sudden I’ll wake up and not be aware of what I’m doing and just do it (the right way). Hope that’s not too long a ‘me’ conversation but I’m finding it hard for the mind to be in the right gear at the moment. I have a great family and I am expecting my first grandchild in the autumn so would love to be making a steady recovery – don’t mind the time it takes but hope I can get to the point where like JR I accept the bad days instead of loading them and turning them into disasters (how the mind makes all this so much worse than it is).

    JR – made me think of Indiana Jones – should have left the length of the snake out, LOL.

    All – you’re a great help, and it’s good to hear your banter too. Keep smiling (can’t find a smiley icon).

  132. louise Says:

    Hey all,after having a set back over the weekend that really threw me im now feeling better,yes i do believe that you come through setbacks stronger and this ill remember if/when it happens again.Im trying not to be so impressed with my feelings of anxiety they can be very convincing,im defo getting the hang of accepting and i 100% believe this is the best road to recovery.Its mountains and valleys at the moment but i know this is normal,ive felt this way forever it wont dissappear over night.Ive a big family event coming up soon and my racing thoughts have me conjuring up all sorts of nasties happening to me in front of others but im doing really well at not reacting to these thoughts im allowing them to b there and not adding anymore tension/stress to them.My anxiety has had me tricked for years,i would believe that at any social occasion all eyes where on me, judging me etc etc….my thoughts still take me there but im finding the fear is no longer as strong and im becoming more open minded and realistic.Paranoia has always played a big part of my condition but im finding that by not being so inward thinking you see the bigger picture and people r busy dealing with their own issues life etc to think to much about whats going on with me.I think what im trying to say is that i imagined all this attention was on me,my body would feel like i was under the spanish inqusition,when in fact someone had just said hello!Im waffling a bit now-i always do-but hey im even starting to accept this!!!!!!!!!!Have a good day all thanx for all words of support xxxxxxxxxxxxx

  133. Nikki Says:

    Hi all .Im having a bad day, im dealing with it but I keep getting the feeling/thought that I am not looking forward to anything.I dont mean specific events such as going out or anything just life in general I feel numb or have a feeling of doom when I think about not loving life and looking forward to things like I used to. Help!! is this just another anxiety trick? xxxx

  134. Nikki Says:

    Sorry i didnt mention that three weeks ago my dad passed away and I am having trouble recognising the difference between grief and anxiety.I have been treating every feeling the same accepting how I feel and carrying on even when I am not feeling anything. Any advice would be welcome .Thank you xx

  135. teresa Says:

    Nikki – Sorry to hear about your Dad, it is so early for you. My Dad passed away last August and although I had always feared it when it happened I handled it, and I handled all the follow up too, although I had anxiety , it took a back seat in importance. However, about a month later I had these feelings of ‘no joy’ in life – what was life all about etc, how unimportant it all seemed, futile… I BELIEVE they are grief and just like anxiety they will pass, believe me, I know – I still get those moments but they’re far less. 3 weeks is so soon after, grief often doesn’t kick in until then. Try accepting this, give yourself time – be kind to yourself and take care. It will pass. X

  136. Paul David Says:

    Ben you say: I just feel really silly and upset about the whole thing now. On a positive note I actually had the choice of not doing it and did it anyway which I am sort of pleased with, but can’t help thinking about it. I know this is not the way to deal with it but can’t seem to switch off and think “so what”. Is it just a case of doing it more and more and becoming desensitized ? I’m finding all these meetings/pushing towards the anxiety are really draining me but I am mindful that the minute I start avoiding things it will make matters worse in the long term. I don’t want things like this to stop my recovery but it is like my subconscious won’t switch off….

    Ben we all have off days, a talk in front of many people would have me all flusstered, I have been asked to talk in front of people before about anxiety but always turned it down and I see myself as quite a confident person, but I am not one to speak in front of a lot of people. So don’t beat yourself up because you felt anxious, many people would and rememeber it does not matter if we feel anxious or not, that is always the key, it cannot do you any harm, its just a normal bodily response and we are a little sensitised. You may have thought ‘oh no I feel awful, why I thought this would go better’ and tried to do something about it. I was always just ‘Yer come if you want, not bothered’ always dies down, only adrenalin on tired nerves and does me no harm, so don’t chew yourself up about it Ben.

    And that’s a great post Nikki and very positive, I am sure things will continue to improve. O.k I have a site to build for someone so will be busy with this for a few days, really good to see people chatting away, it really helps to go off topic and just smile and get to know others.

    Also to finish I did my hamstring last night and have it iced up at the moment and hope to hell I make the run, I should be o.k but that’s my training finished now until the race.


  137. JR Says:

    thanks teresa and scarlet i appreciate you making me feel like my manly comment was actually really girlie! : ) Believe it or not that was the first snake I’ve ever seen outside in the open and it caught me by surprise. I was picking up handfuls of rocks right around it. oh did I say 8 inch, i meant 8 ft. 😉

  138. TV Says:

    Hi, I’ve been looking at this site for a long time but never posted anything.
    I’ve read the book and it does make sense, but its so hard to put into practice, but i’m trying.

    The stuf that bothers me most is poor sleep, obsessive thinking re never getting better, sometimes its so over whelming i feel very low at these times.

    I am 43, a mum and have two daughters, married and work full time and live in lancashire.

    any ideas how to push me on?

    Had this for 3 years now

    good luck everyone

  139. Michael Says:

    In the past few weeks I’ve continued to make good progress, I’ve noticed that I have had days where I have felt almost no anxiety whatsoever. There have been occasions where I have felt it start to well up inside me, but I have simply ignored it and forgotten about it only to notice later on that I feel calm. The funny thing is weekends seem to be the hardest time right now, I guess because I have more time with my own thoughts, however a few months ago it was time at work that was the worst, whereas now at work I am pretty much calm. Go figure!

    Last week was something of a set-back for me, I started to slip back into the old ways, reaching a peak this Sat/Sun just past. In the past few days however I have gotten back on track, and today has been one of the best days I have had for a long time, I don’t think I’ve been anxious really at all today. Perhaps the fact I don’t know is a good sign!

    Onto my question. I’ve been thinking about reading the book Self Help for your Nerves by Claire Weekes. It’s not that I am searching for answers, rather as Paul says in the book, the more I understand how anxiety works the less hold it has over me and the less I fear it. However, I don’t want to go and read something that is yet another method for recovery as Paul’s is working just fine for me so far. Would this book be something good to read that complements Paul’s thoughts in his book?

  140. Jeff Says:

    Hi Paul –

    I am new to this blog, but not new to your website nor your teachings. I am 23 and from Pittsburgh in the United States, and we corresponded during the summer of 2007 about my anxiety. With the help of your book, it went away for a good 8 months, but came back head on, and has been here ever since.

    Thing is – I’m not afraid of anything. It’s not like I don’t like traveling and everytime I get on a plane I have panic and anxiety. Anxiety is with me 24/7, except for the times that I am sleeping. Like you, I found a passion for running – mainly because of the way it would make me feel after I was done. I will be running a half marathon in May. I work a solid schedule, and still make it to work, I force myself to be productive, and I don’t spend all day googling. I just came back from lunch with a friend, and I realized that I’m a different person than when before this anxiety hit me head on in April of 2007. It’s hard for me to joke around and make good conversation, beacuse I am so focused on me. Before, I had little comments that said “So What?!” or “Do your worst, I no longer care”, where in fact, I DO really care, I’m just trying to tell myself that I don’t, because that’s what “accepting” is. I try not to tell anybody about this condition, as its not one for the public’s knowledge, but accepting is difficult. Knowing that I’ll have to wake up tomorrow morning with anxiety again is definitely something I don’t look forward to, and by all means not the proper way to live a full life.


  141. David Says:

    Hi everyone, I haven’t posted on here for a while but I do read the blog from time to time. Hope everyone is doing ok.

    I have had a problem with this stuffy, dizzy headache for just over two years now and I have no idea why. I cant concentrate, I feel spaced out (almost drunk) and have a tightness on my forehead. Can anyone relate to this? I am not particularly anxious and although some people say it may be D.P , how do I know if it is?

    I am at my witts end.. I have it everyday and it won’t go away…. How do i find out what is wrong with me?

    Thanks for any advice on my issue.


  142. Annie Says:

    Michael, both of Claire Weekes’ books are excellent. I prefer “Hope and Help for Your Nerves” over “Peace From Nervous Suffering”. The latter focuses more on agoraphobia.

    I believe that Dr. Weekes’ methods are complementary to any path you’re taking. She stresses acceptance of symptoms, just the same as Paul. I credit her books with helping me to recover the first time I went through this.

  143. Stephen Says:

    Scarlet i really agree with how you said:

    ‘It’s the nature of anxiety to be confident one minute and a doubting Thomas the next’

    thats me, one minute i think yup i have this, and literally the next i think i’ll never get over this and im going to feel this bad for ever.

    Before you recovered where you having pretty much a good period and then u realised you were recovered? or where you just going between good and not so good periods when it came? ive suffered about 10 months now, but you said it took you 2 years to reach recovery so i know i must not push myself!. but sometimes hard not to.

    hope everyone is having more pink days.

  144. Scarlet Says:


    “thats me, one minute i think yup i have this, and literally the next i think i’ll never get over this and im going to feel this bad for ever.”

    Yes the pattern goes like this – ‘confident’, ‘doubting’, ‘confident’, ‘doubting’.. all the way to the end, but the periods of confidence get longer as you recover more.

    “Before you recovered where you having pretty much a good period and then u realised you were recovered? or where you just going between good and not so good periods when it came?”

    I was going between good and Ok moments and then what I’d read struck a chord,, and the fear disintigrated, and from then on the good times started to be more and the doubt disappeared. But it tapered off, rather than overnight.

    Sorry haven’t had chance to reply to some of the others, am just getting ready for relatives coming for a few weeks, yet again!!!… Back when I can

  145. Nikki Says:

    Thanks for the advice teresa. I agree with what you said ,I am just trying to accept every feeling as it comes whether I think it is grief or anxiety.I am trying to live for today and not think to much about tommorow or next week but its really hard isnt it? I am very impatient by nature and even if I have a headache I am not very good at waiting for it to go and just having a headache!!! I havent been suffering very long only since december although I wasnt diagnosed until january which was my worst point. I had d.p and all the worst symptoms constantly and I managed to come through that with no information at all about what was wrong with me.The doctor just said ‘its anxiety and i’l refer you for counselling’ I still dont have an appointment, I dont think it will help anyway I already know how this developed. Its very comforting being able to talk (type lol) to people who really understand what Im going through xx. My mum and my husband are supportive but they dont fully understand the intensity of feeling . Thank-you all xxx

  146. mike Says:

    hi nikki,
    first of all very sorry to hear about your loss. i think you are being very brave at moment. the anxiety condition is bad enough so at the minute i can imagine it must be a very difficult time. the counselling i had was good and he actually told me about pauls book but i guess its there if you want to give it a try. since last may when i started with anxiety i have always come here cause we have all been or going through it. just try to take one day at a time nikki and it will get better.
    paul you have me worried mate. does this mean that will be running alone. can you not get in touch with the huddersfield giants physio to see if they can help??

  147. teresa Says:

    Hi All
    Really sorry to hear about the ham string Paul – hope you can recover in time for the race. I am sure we are all willing you on.
    Nikki – you will bob to the surface again – I know it’s hard, we want to get rid of everything so fast and that’s why it’s with us, we’re frightened of how we feel. Learning not to be frightened is not easy but I believe it will happen, a bit at a time. As Scarlet says, it’s not over night – keeping the faith is hard, we just want to be like everyone else, but half the time we don’t realise other people have their hang ups too. Try and keep living for the day. I’m busy taking the advice too – ‘one day at a time, thanks Mike – think that song will be ringing in my ears everyday now!!LOL

  148. Fiona Says:

    When is the new book out Paul? I’m sure it will be a bestseller like the previous!!!!!!!! Did you here anymore from the american medical you mentioned who seemed, thankfully, intersested in taking advice from a real expert!!

  149. JR Says:

    When we are in a setback or have a really bad day is it ok to give ourselves a little room to recover? For example during a setback I feel so exhausted that I can’t concentrate, think or barely walk. Just extreme physical and mental exhaustion. I get moody, sad, angry, really depressed. When all this happens I can’t do my best job at work or be the best husband because all my reserves are spent. Is it ok to take a day off work and rest up some or take a break? Or should we push through these all the feelings I mentioned above? I’m not sure if pushing through would be fighting. Are our bodies asking for a time-out?

  150. Candie Says:

    JR, if you are genuinley exhausted then rest. When recovering you learn where the barriers are and not to impose too much stress upon yourself, as thats what got you here! If you feel like work is too much at times then give yourself some rest- i dont class it as avoidance unless you are avoiding going to work because of how it may make u feel, but i get the impression you know your limits and need a bit of time to recouperate now and again which is fine. Take the time out and rest, it will do you good.

  151. teresa Says:

    Hi all
    Just been re reading Paul’s post and the comments to Tracey early in the blog – I’ve had a rough time and started to whirl into the ‘I’ll never get out of here’ mode – reread a lot of the book tonight and it has helped me feel less isolated and desparate – I wonder if I heve to meet these crisis in order to let go – it’s a merry go round at the moment, thoughts and symptoms. I have come to the conclusion tonight that whatever will be will be – sort of acceptance, Is it ok to suppose the fact that I realise my thinking is ‘wrong’ and accept it’s wrong and don’t bother trying to do anything about it – will that help me or should I try not to think the wrong thoughts. I do not shy away from doing things but feel that as I have been like this for so long that I may not be able to come out of it. It did help to read Paul saying he was in it for 10 years and Lisa 6 – but youknow what that ‘doubting Thomas’ voice is like. I sound a bit negative tonight but at least I do realise that that is affecting the way I feel –
    Nikki, hope you are ok it’s early days with your loss, it will get easier.

  152. Paul David Says:

    Fiona I have to send the physical book to America for their verdict. The book is due for me on the 1st of April, the ebook is complete, I have just sent you a copy of the pdf free of charge, hope you like it:)

    Good news Mike I should be o.k mate, going for a light run on Monday and if it holds out I should be o.k

  153. JR Says:

    thanks candie, good advice!

  154. lisa Says:

    teresa, thats first time iv posted on how long i suffered for, i was a mess, i did everything wrong just like paul. dont look on how long youv suffered it doesnt matter, you now have the help and tools on here. if i wrote everything down on here what iv gone through it would be hard to take in, its personal to me but candie will agree with me.the only way is forward now, iv dealt with everything now,for me i had to,but everyone is different.you can be our nanna on here 😉 get well soon paul,we can push you round in a wheel chair on your run if you get stuck mate 😉

  155. teresa Says:

    Lisa, thank you, made me smile too. I hit bottom last night (no where near the bottom I used to hit years ago but bottom in regards how I’ve been for a while). However, I am sure this is to do with recovery and facing things. Although when you’re in ‘it’ I think I have gone back to doing things all the wrong way, I don’t believe I have. Last night after leaving the post I went back to reading Paul’s book and some things were making sense, I read about the tense head band being muscles – and I can see if you clench your fist for a long time it’s the same. Then it was almost like emotional exhaustion, so many what if’s, so many you’ll never get out of here’s – and then , oh what the hell – I can’t be bothered, if I feel like this – so be it. Of course, we know what happens eventually, everything slackens and relief. so today, I’ve woken I can feel the head tightening, I know what it is and I am gonna let it do whatever it wants to do. Think I needed to hit the floor in order for it to make me give in – I will probably have to hit the floor a few times again as time goes by (please bear with me on that!!!lol) but if it makes me leave go and let the barriers down perhaps that’s my bodies way of teaching my brain how to give in, hope so. Eventually when it’s done it enough it should happen without going through all the rest – and eventually I will stop trying to ‘think’ ‘do’ the right things in order to have a day/life that does not revolve around anxiety. I think the fact it has been so long dodging the anxiety it’s hard for my mind to get around the fact that there can be a future without this – long time habit but I will chip away at it and look forward to a bright future, as you say I have the help and the tools now. I look forward to one day being a source of help and inspiration to others just like you and the others are now. Thank you. PS, if you need a hand with that wheelchair could probably manage 1K, lol

  156. Fiona Says:

    HI Teresa, i just wanted to offer my support. I’ve been suffering for just over a year and it has been very up and down. Just when your making good progress wham, your down again. I’ve been in and out of a set back for a few weeks. Feeling really crap and panicky at the moment with lots of adrenalin but i know it will pass but i’m sure everyone will agree the waiting is torture. In work though and getting on with life as normal and just practising a calm attitude and acceptance. I was quite panicky most of the night last night so my body is still on red alert. But i’ll relax and give all the chemicals my body is producing a chance settle.
    Have a good day xxx

  157. mike Says:

    ill offer my support aswell teresa. im like you fiona in a setback and its tough. im in work to cause i was off for 10 weeks last year and dont really want to go off again. ive been sleeping well last few weeks but the last 2 nights have been limited sleep. just thinking positive and letting these feelings come in and having whatever attitude. BRING THE SETBACK ON!

  158. teresa Says:

    Thanks both, know we have to REALLY accept and sometimes the actual bad times are what teach us TRUE acceptance. Avoiding them is so instinctive because we don’t like the feelings but I think it’s a case of letting them beat you, and realising it wasn’t the end of the world you thought it maybe – if that makes any sense. So what the hell, let it all happen and just get on with life, it will pass when it realises no one is interested in ‘it’. Thanks to you both – hope things settle down soon for you too.

  159. Raj Says:

    Hi Paul and everyone on this blog,

    I am on my way to recovery but the more I get closer to recovery the more I find that I am apprehensive. I think it is partly due to the fact that I don’t get any great anxiety feeling any more and I feel that something is going to happen sooner or later. Before when I used to feel anxious I followed Paul’s advice and remained calm and let it flow through me. But now I feel I’m in a limbo and have this sense that something bad is going to happen and that the anxiety will return with a vengeance.

    Can anyone relate to this or offer some advice. It would be much appreciated.


  160. Fiona Says:

    Mike i totally, agree BRING IT ON! Its not nice but its is literally just adrenaline a chemical in your body that is there protect you! Its just got a bit out of control and the body needs to learn to stop mass producing it. Although its comforting to know that the body will control it, it just needs help to store calm and relaxation to our system!
    I’ve been worrying about being panicky for the last 12 hours, but to what purpose? Nothing bad has happened to me, i’ve functioned as normal all i have succeeded in doing is keeping myself anxious. I think sometimes you have to make a concious decisions to leave it alone and let the symptoms play out, i think i’m worrying and fighting at the moment which is so easy to do when symptoms hit you so i’m letting it happen and giving myself a rest.
    Have a great rest of the day.

  161. lisa Says:

    hey paul n mike, not long now until the run , have you got your vests yet?

  162. teresa Says:

    I agree about the conscious decsion and I think sometimes that conflicts with the ‘do nothing’ attitude – get a bit confused on that – but I have noticed on certain moments when I say, I’m not going to give in to this way – that that seems to control it, but I am then back to thinking, hey I must think like this inorder to get rid of it,which is back to trying to control things, which is what got me where I am, Sorry to sound over annalytic. Ok, time to look for some wild beast to beat JR’s tale of the snake. LOL.

  163. mike Says:

    fiona this time last year i had no answers as to why i was feeling this way just sent me down further and all i was doing was fighting to be normal.
    found paul, since last august been great but recently after a stag do to barcelona have been in a bit of a setback.
    in the book setbacks are spoke of quite a lot so im having faith and patience this will pass as soon as.
    lisa, got my number yesterday.

  164. John S Says:

    Hi, Im just slightly confused over one aspect and i was wondering if anyone could help out. I was in a lecture this morning and felt really anxious and not with it. Im really irritable today and even people next to me and chatting in the computer room is irritating me. I keep tellin myself not to let it bother me cos worrying achieves nothing. I understand this, but if i keep tellin myself not to worry is that ‘fighting’? I think im trying to hard to concentrate on my work and i have read everything on here and Pauls book so i understand why I feel like I do but i think I may still be fighting a little.

  165. Jessica Says:

    Hi Paul

    Hope you are fine. Hey you told me you are going to email me directly about the book, but i did not get any mail from you. Well as Lisa guided me and following your advice on the website, I am inviting my thoughts now, just saying to myself: come if u wish, i just don’t care?

    Well Paul its so hard to practice acceptance. Anyway just guide me if I am right?

    Ok do email me.

  166. Nikki Says:

    Hi all hope you all having a good day today! I think the penny has finnally droppped!!! yay!!! I was really poorly last night was taken to hospital with suspected appendicitis.Yuk.I was lying in the cubicle feeling really anxious and dizzy in fact symptoms list far to long to type, but because I was feeling so rough and i was more concerned with the pain in my tummy I just gave up worrying about the anxiety because I hadnt got time for it.There were more important things happening. It then dawned that I had still been fighting it without even realising. So I have now truly ‘given up’I now realise what paul has been saying Iv let it in.I realise that i was worried that if I let the feelings in they would take over I would become deppressed or faint or something.I have never been afraid or worried about leaving the house and joining in with friends and family or going shopping. I truly dont care how I look to other people I always new at worst they would say ‘nikki doesnt seem with it’.Theres no harm in that.I will not try to force the feelings of a good mood it will come on its own.I feel so relieved!!I know now if I get up in the morning feeling depressed or rubbish,so what i’m still going shopping cleaning the house doing normal stuff I will just feel rubbish while I’m doing it. I hope this ‘revelation'(Halleluyah) may help some of you who are getting confused about what is fighting/accepting.Take care xxxx

  167. louise Says:

    Hello people,god i hope somone can help me here!!!Im doing ok with recovery,im defo feeling much better since reading Pauls book BUT…………………..I have this phobia of making phone calls[to certain people]if ive got to phone ill do anything to avoid it,just the thought of it brings on palpitations,and can keep me awake at night.I understand in order to fully recover ive got to face this fear but i truly truly dont think i can!!!!It really depresses me and makes me feel so foolish but i just cant do it!!!When i have made certain phone calls in the past ive always been terrible,stuttering shaking etc its so embarresing!This really holds me back but at the same time im way too afraid to do anything about it please any advice appreciated xxxxx

  168. Paul David Says:

    Ah sorry Jessica I did say I would email you, I honestly forgot, typical man, I have emailed you now.


  169. teresa Says:

    I’m no expert and there will be better advice from people who are further down the line than me but seems to me it’s the ‘certain people’ that maybe the problem not the phonecalls. Can you use the phone to other people? If you can you obviously have an issue with these ‘certain people’ – is there someone, friend or relative who you can discuss thesse people with and they can rationalise it for you. Whoever they are that are not worthy of holding up your recovery – to heck with what they think. I know people who don’t like using the phone but think you may have to talk this through with someone and then just do it. Easy for me to say but I am sure you will lose your fear eventually. Good luck – hope someone else can help you a bit more.

  170. Nikki Says:

    Hi louise sorry to hear your not feeling great. know exactly how you feel. When I had my daughter I had a horrible thought that I would hurt her.I was terrified of being alone with her but instead of letting my mom look after her I kept her with me all the time and eventually I proved to myself I wasn’t going to hurt her and I got bored by the thought after a while. She is now 8 years old my son is 13 (incidently i never worried that I would harm my son at all not once).As im not sure who you are trying to avoid and for what reasons I think if it was me I would do it gradually for instance to start pick up the phone and dial the number but dont press call until you do not panic about it any more.Dont forget its only you that knows how you feel about making this call the other person probably has no idea how you are feeling.Plus they cannot see you,you are just a voice.Dont feel foolish I have many silly obsessive thoughts but I know it isnt the real me having these thoughts its just a side effect of anxiety. underneath I am still exactly the same.Unnerving though it is try not to follow the thought pattern just let the original idea be there. I hope this has helped a bit, good luck xx

  171. Candie Says:

    Hi Louise, my friend had the exact same problem- a bit of social anxiety. She hated phone calls, customer service… paying at tills etc. Any form of communication with people she wasnt comfortable around. She got counselling and the conseller told her to go towards the situations. She was terrified, but put herself in all the situations she feared… she carried on doing it and doing it. Some days she was great at it, others would make her panic… but eventually her confidence grew and the fear subsided. One of her biggest fears was going to the till and not having enough money by accident, so the counseller told her to put extra in her basket that she couldnt afford… then go to the till and try paying. Ofcourse she had to explain she would have to put something back, felt really nervous etc- but after realised she was been silly.

    Now she is fine, infact shes that fine shes always first to winge about customer service- or asks for them to warm bottles up for her son etc! Can you see there is no way of avoiding fear if you want to overcome it, you have to face it head on- grasp it and say yes your here but im staying put too…

  172. Claire W Says:

    Hi All, it’s been a while. I thought that I should take some time out & stop focusing on me & being stuck in my mind!
    I had an awful few days @ the end of last month which looking back was definately hormone related. Thanks for your reply on the last blog by the way Katie, I only read that today. My time of the month has crept up again & I definately felt more anxious, tingley, breathless etc before hand. I was a complete b*tch to my hubby the day before also! Anyhoo, I didn’t go for the hypnotherapy yet, I’ve had some reflexology which is really relaxing & a treat for me. The doc changed my meds a few weeks ago, I sleep like a log & have upped my beta blockers! Whilst this is not ideal, I generally feel a million dollars. I did tell my GP that it is not acceptable that after 4 years of suffering on & off that they can only throw meds @ me. I have asked to be referred for some CBT & work have referred me for some more counselling which I do find quite theraputic. So things are looking up. I attended a workshop through work which really helped me as it was all to do with the mind. I’ve also just this week won an incentive at work & was awarded a monetary award & half a days holiday!!! So I’m feeling good, but everyday is different, I’m trying to worry less & trying different ways of dealing with the kids. My husband is far more aware that I need his help & support.
    I’ve found that talking things through with friends & family helps, I’ve also found that people I didn’t even realise around me are also suffering so we’re all helping eachother out x

  173. katie Says:

    Its ok Claire,can totally relate to the time of month thing!Although this month, iv been great, which has been a great surprise as i wr expecting the usual minor setback due to hormone change!Dont let it get to you though, it is due to your hormones so your symptoms will be more, but it does die down. And you are right, speaking to people who have been through what you have definately helps, thats why this blog is so beneficial, as everyone can offer each other advice and support.

  174. louise Says:

    Teresa nikki candie,thankyou for your advice,i really appreciate it.Its strange because there is some people i can talk over the phone to.its mainly the really self assured people that leave me quivering!!Also i think it could b alot to do with paranoia,the people who have witnessed me being really anxious are the people i probably fear talking to the most.Its very frustrating,Candie i totally agree/understand what your saying but im afraid i wont ever be able to overcome this ,moving towards it terrifies me.The thing with social anxiety is you fear the worst happening [visably panicking in front of people] and the worst HAS happened to me on almost all social occasions!!!Ive made a complete fool of myself on the phone,having almost full blown panic attacks,im frightened this will always hold me back.Sorry to go on girls but this is something i really havent shared with anybody else.Thanx again for taking time to reply.xxxxx

  175. Victor Says:


    Just had a question for paul in regards to this post. you say in your book that one day you just woke up and could feel the difference. you just felt more alive and knew from that point you were over the anxiety. In this post you talk about being so aware of your thoughts and the constant “checking in”. Did you find that the “checking in” and awareness of your thoughts ended the same day, or was it something that just took the practice and the re-training you talk about in this post? I am curious because I honestly feel like I have come along way in my recovery, but have not been able to fully allow my mind to flow freely for an entire day. Thank you.

  176. brett m Says:

    Hi ,im Brett 37 yo from bondi australia , its a beautiful 28 degrees here today i have a beautiful partner in which we have 5 great kids , i have suffered from anxiety for about 15 years ,after all this time im finally on the road to recovery thanks paul ,candie and others for all your great advice ,it has helped immensly , Paul i had a mate that went and played for the giants rugby league team over and ended up captaining a couple of years ago , he loved it over there

  177. trez Says:

    Hi Paul, i,m new to this blog,have just got your book,would like to thank you for all the great information on anxiety.I have been suffering with it for a few years,i have suffered severe panic and anxiety attacks,i am now struggling with deep thinking.I dont no if im thinking to much about the way im feeing which makes me think that im going crazy,did you ever get these feelings.

  178. Jessica Says:

    Hi Paul. Got your email, hey thanks dear. Well as you know i am new on this blog and been suffering from anxiety for 2 years. I have read almost all post on the blog under the different blog roll and the archives. I have also gone through your website. But i am having a problem, all that i have read are running and running in my mind. Its seems like my scary thoughts have stopped repeating themselves, but others things are running now in my mind. I also feel that my mind is only and only trying to sort things out, example, why it happened, what i should have done, how i should accept, what i should say.

    I need your guidance Paul, because i know you are the only person to put me on track. Ok awaiting your response.



  179. Jessica Says:

    I don’t have a minute of rest and don’t enjoy anything. I feel so tired, but i do my best to cook, to come to work, to listen to songs, to watch TV, read a book, but thoughts are running and running in my mind, even whn am sleeping. I know i can recover,I am letting go, but its so hard.

  180. Jessica Says:

    There is one post you wrote Paul which made me cry,where you said, you were stroking your dog and your vision were blurry. This post had a deep impact on me, i felt so sorry and sad, you suffered so much dear, more than i am suffering right now. If you can suffer so much and get better, we also we can. But we just need the right direction.

  181. Ben Says:


    Cheers for the advice on the talk – I totally agree I shouldn’t chew myself up about it but I do. Since my last post I just seem to have gone right downhill and feel like I am back at square one again :(

    Everything is bothering me again now and nearly started going off googling stuff, looking for other cures etc and becoming very self focussed again. I look back at some of my previous posts on this blog from a few months ago and it is like I was a different person. I am constantly worrying about how I come across to others when speaking to them and feeling like I want to just sit at home and avoid everything.

    I am guessing this is just a setback, but it is one hell of a setback. As you say in your book I just feel like I am dragging this tired body around everywhere and everything feels like a massive effort. Any advice much appreciated… I don’t want to get to the point where I take time off work etc as I know that this is just me looking to avoid things and will just add fuel to the anxiety fire.


  182. louise Says:

    Hi Jessica,i totally sympathise with you,im trying so hard to keep an open mind but some days r more difficult than others.Ive been like this for just shy of a decade so when i get impatient i remind myself of this and it makes sense that anxiety wont go away over night,but what your saying about racing thoughts i can totally relate to,i try to do what paul advises and accept these thoughts and most of the time i can but on some occasions i do get frustrated i find it espesially difficult when ive had some good days,you get a taste of freedom and you want to stay that way forever.Ill give to you the same advice i give myself on waking every morning-allow yourself to feel however you feel,without question,keep reminding yourself that thoughts and feelings can do you no harm!I try not to see my anxiety as the enemy anymore i talk to my anxious mind and tell it that i dont need you today but someday i will,your part of me.I carry on with my day as normal,anxiety is always with me but i know it really cant do me any harm.I think that is the concept that helps me the most,yes at times you feel so crap mind wasted etc etc …….but it always gives way,you always live through it no harm comes to you.I know pauls way is the best way but i also know its gonna take time,take solace in the fact your not alone,were all doing our best and thats all we can do,let time pass keep accepting,live normally and never give up hope,speak soon xxx

  183. Jessica Says:

    Hi Louise…

    Thanks for replying. You know I am practicing what Paul says, that is by inviting it the thoughts. But when i am doing this, there is a lot of doubt in me. For example, i think, should i invite the thoughts, am i on the right track. Still I am persisting and inviting the thoughts. I don’t know whether i am right, but i am doing what Paul says, no matter how many doubts are cropping in, because so many have recovered by Paul’s advice.

    If anyone want to add their comment, please do so. I am at work right now, having a piece of cake.


  184. mike Says:

    hi ben,
    setbacks are terrible mate im in one at moment and have been since i got back from a stag do in barcelona. mentioned above im just doing my best to accept that the setback will pass and hopefully i will be stronger for it.
    last year when i first started to feel better the medication was stopped and it felt great so when this setback suddently comes from knowwhere its the worst feeling in the world because we thoght we had finally got it.
    i think thats why paul stresses the importance of not feeling to down during setback.
    come on ben well crack this thing mate.
    jess and lou lets keep working at accepting and doing all the things we were doing before this and we will all get there to full recovery like paul and all the others x.

  185. Candie Says:

    Hi Everyone
    Just noticed a lot of new posts so thought i would welcome the new people to the blog, I’m Candie and i moderate the blog for Paul as he is very busy with a few other projects and preparing for his charity run.

    There has been a few posts for Paul lately, unfortunately he doesnt read every post and just pops in from time to time- which is why he cant personally reply to posts. He does take note of the problems people have and instead of replying to posts individually he covers them in future posts so that everyone can benefit from the advice. Feel free to support
    eachother, there are plenty of people who have and are recovering here who give out some good advice from time to time.


  186. Nikki Says:

    Hi I was wondering if anyone can help as I am feeling rather confused at the moment.I have had my anxiety symptoms for about four months now and I have got to the point with them where I dont care if they are there or not. To the point that i dont really notice if iv had a bad day or not because I am just getting on with things. My problem is that I have a really bad pain in my side (this started at the same time as anxiety ) and it flared up the other night so much so I was carted off in an ambulance.It is still undiagnosed at present.Doctors keep asking what symptoms I have buy because of anxiety I have loads insomnia night sweats sometimes lack of appetite when nervey constant lethargy. Also I dont feeling doing much and I cant tell whether its anxiety or me feeling poorly if you see what a mean.Is there a definer between anxiety and normal symptoms. I will be gratefull for any advice.Thanks xx

  187. Jessica Says:

    Hi Candie..

    I am jessica. You must have read about my posts. I am new here. I have a few questions?

    i don’t know why all the things that i have read on this blog and website are running and running non-stop in my head. Plus, my mind is always trying to sort things out, trying to work out things.

    Can you please clarify?

  188. Ben Says:


    You’re right they are horrible – this is definitely the worst one that I have had. I am determined to crack this, I just sometime wonder if I am not accepting, more putting up with which I think is different. I can’t believe I’ve spent the whole weekend worrying about it and thinking about it – it is totally the wrong thing to do and has probably just helped the setback along.

    I *will* crack this thing if it is the last thing I do! It just seems so draining at the moment…. I thought I had had them before this is a proper hardcore one! As you say – lets use them to make us stronger!!

    I’ve found that I have always felt really bad after stag dos, but I think a large part of it is all of the alcohol consumed which always seems to cause bad anxiety the next day.

  189. Candie Says:

    Hi Jessica,

    Your mind has simply got a bit tired of all the reading and has started racing. I’ve had it before if i have sat and read for hours, the best thing to do if your going to read all the info on this blog is have breaks in between to refresh your mind- as there is a lot here to get through and it would tire anyones mind to read all at once!

    Its like when i worked for the Royal Mail, i spent all day stamping envelopes that afterwards i could think of nothing but it! I would be talking to my partner and have visions of date stamping his head, i’d be in bed and my mind would be thinking of lots and lots of envelopes and id dream about stamps haha! Its nothing to worry about, even the none anxious get it now and again- i think your anxiety has made u read into it a little bit thats all.

    Try having a couple of days not reading up on everything and give your mind a break and new focus- it will help clear your mind and may slow down the racing.


  190. Fiona Says:

    Hi Mike and Ben, just to reiterate on the alcohol theme. A hangover is a sure fire way to bring the anxiety on!!! Remember how you used to feel before you had anxiety with a hangover now magnify that 100 x and you have an anxiety hangover. I used to be right up for a party and getting drunk. Now i’m more likely to drive and i actually prefer it that way as it is much more responsible attitude and means my partner doesn’t fall out with me for being drunk, loud and annoying. Anyway, you can have fun but the alcohol should be kept to a minimum. But i’m sure you know this anyway! Fiona xxxx

  191. Tracey Says:

    Hey Fiona ..I just wanted to comment on the alcohol thing too. Alcohol definitely makes things worse, I don’t drink a whole lot but my boyfriends 21st bday was about a month ago and I drank with him of course and got pretty drunk…the next day I was NO GOOD lol I had the worse anxiety everrrr with the racing thoughts and tenseness in my chest etc., so since then I decided 1 or 2 drink on occasion is fine but not a whole lot because it really does effect you worse when you have anxiety.

  192. trez Says:

    Hi to everyone my name is Trez,im 36yrs old with 2 kids,would like to hear advice from anyone.Im really glad to have found this website,i cant seem to work these thoughts and feelings out,can anyone help,i feel like im going to lose control.Im thinking 24/7 about the way im feeling,does anyone else do this.Hope to hear from someone soon. Thanks Trez xx

  193. katie Says:

    Theres no point trying to work it out trez-like Paul says ‘the best way is to NOT try and work anythin out.let the thoughts and feelings be there as they are just excess adrenalin finding its release in them. The more you try and work them out and try to get rid of them, the more they will hang around.You have just got to let them be, and they will soon get bored when they get no reaction from you. The thinking 24/7 is completely normal as you are still worrying over why you are feeling this way-you need to accept that it is just adrenalin and to let it be, no matter how weird or scary your thoughts may be-they are just thoughts, nothing else and you should start to see a difference the more you accept.

  194. trez Says:

    Thanks katie much appreciated,every morning i get up i say to myself im not going to think about these feeling.but as the day goes on i start to feel really strange when doing things and even when im with family and friends,i think its as paul says in his book that your mind can play tricks on you.x

  195. mike Says:

    hello trez,
    i was the same last may mate. i just couldnt stop thinking what the hell is up with me. no disrespect ladies i was like im the man of the house this shouldnt be happening to me and this self pity and brooding on yourself just sends you further down. ive got 3 kids trez and i bet you feel guilty for thinking like this and being like this when especially these days with all the financial pressures, paying mortgage etc.
    mate, im in a setback at moment after having 6 months of recovery, nights are the worse for me if i wake early i just dont seem to be able to drop back off, but say 2 weeks ago i may have shed a tear that this had come back, im finding its getting slightly better ill just get up have a brew and accept and try to release some of the worry. its the thoughts mate that have you in such a panic and how such obsessive thoughts and feelings should be there. as katie says its just adrenalin so please dont feel guilty for feeling them. COME ON MATE LETS TAKE SOME OF ITS POWER AWAY.

  196. trez Says:

    Hello Mike,
    i have suffered with severe anxiety and panic attacks,they are bad when i take them but i am able to get myself through them now,it was really hard at the start when i started taking them,but this thinking about the way im feeling is really getting me down.i do feel really guilty about the way im feeling because of my partner and my children.My partner is really supportive,hes been through alot wit me,its hard to accept this is part pf anxiety.

  197. Bev Says:

    Hi Everyone,
    I am new to the site, I just found it today, and I am so glad that I did. I have been suffering with anxiety on and off for the past ten years. I have been through years of no smptoms, but they always return if I get too stressed out. Right now I am going through it again. In the past, I have been back on my feet in a matter of weeks, this time it has been 3 months and I am still right in the middle of it. I have felt progress in the last few weeks, but am in a setback right now. I am having such a hard time truly accepting my symptoms, I have never tried this before and I am trying to be open to it. It is so hard for me to accept these thoughts when I don’t want them around! I also am having a hard time being patient. I am tired of feeling this way. I used to be so happy, my life is great – I want to enjoy it again! I feel that what Paul and other people on this blog are telling me to do is the right way to go – not to fight it, just let it be…. But holy, that is tough. I don’t like sitting with this feeling, it feels terrible. I can’t sleep at night, which makes thing a lot worse for me too. I have some sleeping medication from my doctor but I seem to be able to fight that too, and it doesn’t always work. I end up waking in the early morning hours, my mind spinning, my heart pounding.
    So, I will endevour to accept my thoughts and feelings today. That’s all I can do. I will try to let the storm pass and ride it out.
    Thank you for all your posts. It makes me feel less alone to know that so many other people know exactly what I am going through. It also gives me some hope that I can get through this as well. I will gte better, I just need to give myself time and allow myself to feel everything that comes… right?

  198. teresa Says:

    Hi Everyone, been giving the blog a rest for a few days and Hello to all the people I have not ‘met’ before.
    Just like to echo Katie’s comments about working thigs out – that is the problem – when we get the thought/symptom we try and ananylse why we have it, and then it is almost obsessive – not a nice analogy but like picking a scab. The moment we leave go of it it starts to heal, I read a comment from Candie on a past post that helped me one night which was she was letting things come on in in order to watch them fizzle away. It’s obvious from that she’d lost her fear and she felt stronger than ‘it’ that’s why it fizzled away.
    All this makes so much sense when you are in the ‘right’ frame of mind but when you are not the mind can tell you black is white and you know it is lying yet you still believe it. The thing to do, I suppose, is to even accept that, knowing that your mind will change – frustrating but it alleviates the intense pressure and hopefully in time we won’t feel the pressure.
    Candie – I followed a link from you to the book by Wills – do you think it would be ok for me to read it, it is making sense on his site but I was a bit worried that it may class as searching for other answers – although I believe that it is linked to what Paul is saying. I have found your past posts very helpful and have started to understand things through what you and the other ‘survivors’ have been through – so thank you.

  199. Candie Says:

    Hi Teresa

    Wills book is like an extension to what Paul says about not reading into thoughts and just letting them be. I do actually think its a really good book and good for those who dont know they are actually going back into thoughts after they have been and gone, as i was unknowingly fighting at times too. I did get confused by the book a few times, but Will is lovely and clarified a few things for me. It was Paul who first introduced us all to Wills book actually last summer, he had a link up for it for a while as he thought it may benefit a few of us. I personally reccomend it but its totally upto you, there is no pressure here to buy anything- it has had mixed reviews but as Scarlet said.. you may need to be recovered slightly to be able to grasp it. I have read Wills book a few times and Pauls too- everytime something else always makes sense and i have a bit of a revelation. If you can grasp the basic concept and see yourself in a few of the examples on the site then give it a read. I have read and listened to a few things other then on this website, i wont refference them but my point is as long as the information supports what you are learning here it cant be a bad thing. Just dont over do it and search for answers you already have. Hope thats helped!

  200. JR Says:

    Ben I felt like you do now around the beginning of this year. I made sooo much progress with Paul’s book, my attitude was changed and life was becoming clearer and clearer. Then wham! Honestly felt like I was back at square one just like you said. it took the wind right out of me. I kept with the book and this blog and slowly things started to change for the best again.

    I think your body and mind just need a break. it’s like when people are trying to lose weight or even build muscle, the pounds drop off at first or the muscles begin to build, then you hit a flat period or plateau.

    Also don’t be scared to give your a day off or lighten up on yourself a little. Most of us fell into this condition because we’re too hard on ourselves to begin with. Relax your attitudes and let your symptoms win and you just may find that the setback slowly disappears.

    Right now I’m at my second major “back at square one” setback, but this time I’ve gained a little knowledge and know what to do. I have to go back and read sometimes or stick to this blog for a little bit to refresh my tired mind.

    Trust me, you’ll get through it…just don’t try to hard.

  201. Jessica Says:

    Thanks Candie.

    Ok i am going to have a break and focus on other things. Thanks for your response.


  202. katie Says:

    … ‘every morning i get up i say to myself im not going to think about these feeling.’

    Trez, when you are saying this to yourself, you are still trying to block out what you are thinking, and this is the wrong thing to do, as this is fighting the thoughts. Instead, you should think, ‘whatever i think, i think. Come on anxiety, do your worst.’ This will let whatever thoughts be there, and if you respond with no reaction, they will die down. Honestly, i was the same- not liking what you are thinking and want rid, but i have learnt to accept whatever comes into mind as i know its jus the adrenalin. Once you get past not liking the thoughts and start to let them in and not be bothered by them, you will see things in a different light. Im not saying its really easy, as sometimes i still get a little baffled by what comes into mind, but I just accept and you start to get used to accepting.

  203. teresa Says:

    Candie – thanks for your reply. I will probably get it, maybe not quite yet but as I go along – sounds daft but I know where I’m going and I am convinced this is the right road, I think Wills book will help but as is the nature of the habit ‘was scared’ I may frighten myself with the book and also did not want to deviate from Paul’s path as I KNOW this is the answer.
    I know what you mean about over doing it and over loading that is , I think, another part of the condition. Instead of being given an answer and accepting it – we tend to keep looking, but why…. What if… – going back into thoughts as you say. Probably takes sometime to undo this behaviour – but I live in hope!!! Thanks again, you are an inspiration.

  204. Scarlet Says:

    Sorry haven’t had chance to respond to anyone personally, have guests coming soon…. and my house is a tip. 😉

    Just wanted to say that setbacks are just yourself reverting back to ‘introspecting’ again…. and what this particular blog entry is about. It’s a HABIT, nothing more, it’s not a mental illness, you are not going crazy…you just need to get out of the habit of introspecting and get back on track again, and you do this by socialising, filling your days with things that change this habit, work, excercise, shopping (as Paul says above) … yes there’ll be times when you can’t stop the inward thinking, but let it be, accept it, give it space to pass.

    After a period of peace, when you feel the need to introspect again and analyse your thoughts/feelings, say to yourself, “oops there I go again introspecting”, must stop and get on with life. When you realise that the crrux of your whole anxiety is too much introspection, you are well on the way to reversing this bad habit.

  205. Fiona Says:

    A question about DP/derealisation for anyone who has some knowledge on it.
    Are these 2 things the same? My take is that DP is a constant all day affair. Is derealisation the sensation that comes when adrenalin is high and the anxiety curtain comes down but leaves when the anxiety has peaked and died down again. I have feelings of unreality when i know i’m particularly anxious, i get what if and negative thoughts. But even in the anxious state i’m aware that it is adrenalin. It always ways dies down and the thoughts and feelings of unreality go with it. Does anyone else feel this process?
    Fiona xxx

  206. trez Says:

    Hi katie,
    Thanks again,today whatever happens happens,im fed up fighting trying to work these feeling out.Im going to take a long walk before i get my child from school,i just get really annoyed with myself when i start to feel strange around people,do you think this is my mind playing tricks on me.
    I would like to thank you all its nice to here some of your comments,its a great help.xx

  207. Paul David Says:

    Just want to say Hi to everyone that is new, as Candie says I get very busy and can only give limited time to the blog as it has grown so big in the last few months. I do try and get on when I can and answer the odd post, but it has become impossible to answer everyone direct as my inbox is bursting the moment I wake up and I have other projects I have to do each day, mainly building websites. But I do try to be around when I can, as I never want to become a faceless person behind a site and I know from emails I receive how much this blog helps people and how grateful I would have been to have somewhere like this to go in my darkest days and this is the reason I take things on board and try and make a post that I think will help the majority.

    Oh and clara thank you for your nice comments, please check your inbox there is something there for you.


  208. katie Says:

    Dont be annoyed with yourself trez, its simply the anxiety making you feel like that.Around other people, you have simply become over aware of yourself and how you are acting around them, and so you are inward thinkin about your feelings rather than concentrating outward and on others/what your doing etc. Once you get your head around the fact that you feel this way for the time being and accept that this is you temporarily,the feeling strange will start to lift and you will slowly not let it get to you as much as you are doing.

  209. Bev Says:

    Can anyone give any advise on sleeping better? I’ve tried everything I can think of, and it’s getting worse. I lie awake trying to tell myself that it’s ok, but I know that the less sleep I get, the more anxiety I get and the less I can deal with it.

  210. Candie Says:


    You sound like you are trying to hard and fighting the anxiety about not sleeping. Your worrying over it and probably going to bed preparing yourself mentally for the worst- which will make it hard for your mind to switch of.

    There are a few things you can do to help you unwind, but do these for relaxation not in effort to make u sleep as any pressure will cause an issue and make u sleep lighter.

    Here are a few things i have herd help people:
    *Having a warm bath before bed
    *Dont watch TV for an hour before you get into bed, read a book or magazine.
    *No caffeine after 6pm (if you can!), i drink decaffe tea myself or Horlicks.
    *Lavender oil, few drops on your pillow and maybe in bath.
    * exercise is good to burn of excess energy too, id recommend it earlier in the day though as u dont want to make yourself all alert an hour before bed!

    Now you need to take on board that these wont make u sleep, but help you unwind and prepare for a more peaceful nights sleep- so go into it with an open mind and no pressure on yourself :)

  211. Bev Says:

    Thanks so much for your response Candie,

    These are all things that I’ve heard and tried. But you’re right, I am doing them and just praying they would help me sleep. And the whole time I am scared that they won’t work. And then of course they don’t. I do get very anxious each night before I go to bed thinking, what if I don’t sleep again? I know, I know – the “what if’s”!

    So, what you’re saying is that I have to not fight the anxiety about not being able to sleep? Boy, that’s hard. Everyone tells me how important sleep is to me right now, and when I don’t get any, I think that it is keeping me from feeling better. I can’t concentrate, I can’t think properly. My anxiety is worse the next day. And I see my bed as a torturous place to be. Logically, I understand how this isn’t working for me. How can I ever sleep at all, if I dread my bed so much?

    So, if it’s not working, why not try something different, right?

  212. Paul David Says:

    Mike/Candie just to let you know I have just finished a 4 mile run with no problems on my injury, so I will be fine for Sunday. Its a real relief with all the hard work and people who have kindly sponsored me.


  213. Candie Says:

    Thats great news Paul, as me and Lisa said…. run fat boy run 😀

  214. louise Says:

    Hey Trez,i totally relate to what your saying i too feel really strange around people at times even close family and friends.I know this is dp and i know its because of my anxiety and i do try to ignore it but ive got to be honest for me it is the worst part of anxiety .I dont mind feeling nervous around people anymore but i hate when the dp sets in,you cant escape it and for me it plays on my mind for days.Does it make you feel paranoid???Like everyone knows your feeling strange?????Hope i dont sound dead negative im sure well get through this one day!Speak soon xx

  215. lisa Says:

    ohh candie you are cruel..lol.well done paul knew you could do it mate. its been gorgeous today, im busy decorating me kitchen before the kids break up for easter half term next week. candies busy shopping for baby clothes, mikes busy training for the run and scarlets got guests coming,were all busy little bees 😉

  216. mike Says:

    paul thats good news mate, i thought i might have to do the run on me own. good man.
    bev, the sleeping thing i can totally relate to its something ive been struggling with recently, its like youre dreading going to bed. we are setting ourselves up to feel nervy, panicky before we have even lay down. again this is just adrenaline. its the accepting thing again bev. if we cant sleep we are gonna have to say you know what i cant sleep so bloody what!! ill get up read a book for a bit ,watch sky sports news etc!!
    i was getting up feelin sorry for myself the other week cause i was going to work thinking ive had no sleep and then the eld what ifs started. what if i cant function properly, what if i fall asleep at the wheel. its just the vicious circle that we get ourselves in.
    ive not been so bad last few nights, its accepting bev and giving up the battle with this thing we need to master. x

  217. Kashawn Says:

    Hi Everyone :)

    I hope everyone is doing well and keeping up a smile through these recovery days. Scarlet thank you for the encouragement; this anxiety experience truly is inspiring me to specialize in Mental Health Nursing and help others with Paul’s hope giving information.

    I see that everyone is introducing themselves, My name is Kashawn, Im 21 and of Lebanese decent, I live in Windsor Ontario Canada and attend University majoring in Nursing. Anxiety has been the toughest experience of my life; it truly taught me about myself and my behaviours. It made me reshape my behaviours and engraved in my mind that life is truly a gift and not to be taken for granted regardless of how hard situations become.

    I want everyone to know that Paul’s information is the only reason why I’m near full recovery. Anxiety truly can be explained and is in itself a subject of its own. I try to write posts as I learn things to help other people.

    More of my tips in working with Anxiety:

    -I taught myself that Anxiety is not the enemy but rather a resource I have to work with and give it its full time and space. Try to look at anxiety and its feelings as growing/healing pains that YOU MUST feel to heal (see the feelings as something normal for the circumstances we have been through)

    -It is critical to feel all of anxiety and its symptoms, to truly embrace these feelings and let them flow through you and at the same time continue to work on your outward task (ex. reading, socializing etc). Always face the feelings, let them in as running away from how you feel (AVOIDANCE) is truly feeding your anxiety and TRULY GETS YOU NO WHERE. I know it’s hard to feel anxiety at times but it’s truly the door to recovery. The best way I can explain the importance of feeling anxiety is this: lets say Anxiety is a bruise you have, this bruise sometimes hurts (all symptoms of Anxiety); the proper way to go about this pain is to simply allow it to hurt, to simply go on with your day despite the pain of the bruise. The wrong way is to constantly think about the bruise (in a sense keep hitting the bruise) it can’t heal thus you stay in the Anxiety cycle.

    -The key habit to learn is too truly feel every anxiety symptom(s) and continue on with your tasks (you will feel uncomfortable at times) but its just a feeling that dies out as you FEEL it and not avoid it; this is key.

    -Accept setbacks; look at them as an oppurtunity to move forward toward recovery. I remember feeling amazing all day (like 90% normal) then suddenly feeling AWFUL for an hour; I continued on with my tasks and the storm of symptoms rolled by me, I didnt add thoughts to the mix and I felt fine after. It is key to continue focusing on your task despite how bad you feel, never let anxiety hold any power over you; know that these feelings are healing your nerves and dont add thoughts or question them

    -Allow obsessive thoughts and questions to flow through your mind; do not try to fix thoughts, just BE despite how bad you feel and focus on the outward task your doing. Allow the attention to be on you; it’s a habit that goes away as your nerves recover.

    -It took me some time to understand Anxiety so please know that recovering from anxiety is a process of understanding; things come together if you allow them too, its all about patience. At times I would feel like I know nothing (doubting) then the doubts would fade, so try to understand that Anxiety is a process of understanding and as long as your effort of understanding is there you will make it through. I remember Paul saying that our bodies have the best healing systems in the world, this is soo true; our bodies are fascinating and can always heal themselves; no medication can compare to what our bodies can do for us if we allow it-its all about understanding.

    -Put effort in not sitting at home thinking about your symptoms; go out, look at nature, try your best to keep your mind focused on outward things like reading, socializing etc. Sitting at home will make your mind play tricks on you, it will make anxiety your focus and will also bring in the “what if” thoughts that could make you feel depressed.

    -Take your recovery day by day; if you apply Paul’s principles honestly and truly you will notice layers of anxiety peel off as days pass. Just know that you are undoing habits and habits need some time to break and reverse.

    -Never see yourself as an ill or sick person. You are a normal person like the rest of us who just has a tired mind. Anxiety is a condition our mind goes through because its tired; Anxiety is not pathological; nothing is wrong with you.

    Hats down to Paul and his work, Thank you brother.

    All the best to everyone; tomorrow could be the best day yet:)


  218. Bev Says:

    Hi Mike,

    Thanks so much for the encouragement. I’m glad someone can relate. It’s that darn acceptance thing again, hey? I’m trying my best with it. Although I won’t be watching sky sports news! haha. I can read a book though.

    Thank you.

  219. Bev Says:

    One more question. What is “Wills book”?

  220. John S Says:

    Nice post Kashawn

  221. Candie Says:

    Great post Kashawn, you have really grasped this and its great you share your recovery with us :) I grasped everything like you too, takes a while doesnt it but well worth it when u can just sit there and not fight this and let it wash over you.

    Hi Bev, Wills Book is a book called ‘A Mind Works’, same concept as what we practice here… just a bit more in detail regarding obsessive panic cycles. If you look on the obsessive thoughts thread a few people have posted links to the website, its not everyones cup of tea- however it really opened doors for me. I dont personally reccomend products to people as we cant all relate to the same things, your best bet would be to have a look at his website and to make your own mind up :) One final thing on the sleeping problem, the key is to allow yourself to feel dread and anxiety- but dont try to control this or rumernate mentally about it. If we try to hard to acheive anything, we break the flow and strive for something- making it less acheiveable then ever- if we loosen our grip, shrug our shoulders and have an attitude of whatever… the cumlative anxiety can eventually deminish.

    Just to let everyone know i wont be around on the blog for a week or so, got a busy week and having a break from the subject- its important to imerse yourself in life in order to live outside your own mind! Hope everyone has a lovely week and you all spend more time getting to know one an other, its been nice to know the basics about everyone :) Back soonnnnnnnnnnnn!

  222. teresa Says:

    Hi Candie
    Just to say thanks for all your help – have a nice break and look after yourself. x

  223. teresa Says:

    just wanted to add that I think Kashwan’s post was excellent and will be a great help to many of us – something you can go back to and re gig your thinking. Glad your run went well Paul, upwards and onwards now – good luck. You are all demonstrating how good it can be and that anxiety is not a ‘life sentence’ – cheers

  224. jimmy Says:

    i have come on leaps and bound sin my recovery. I am off prozac, 3 weeks now and although i have some withdrawal issues i ignore them. I am in the gym most days and i am plying football twice a week. I socialise, enjoy a beer with friends and family and keep my day full. I am looking to go back to work soon. I still suffer some dizziness and during sport it can be hard but as my doctor has said there is no physical issue i just get on with things in spite of how i feel.
    I still have worries, my biggest issue is due to past drug use and i am petrified that as a result of this i have been plunged into mental illness for life but i have to try and move on. The hardest issue re: my drug concerns is that i cannot face them as i do not know if they caused the problem as i quit them years ago.
    I am a lifelong anxiety sufferer but only 8 months into my anxiety disorder, if that makes sense and although i may never return to my pre anxiety disorder way of life i must agree with Paul. Things do come back in layers and time is the great healer so keep the faith. I have been to hell and back but i hope i am approaching the light at the end of the tunnel.

  225. Paul David Says:

    That was a great post Kashwan, I could tell things had fallen into place for you and everything you say is true, the main thing is a shift in attitude towards how you feel, to not see anxiety as a monstor trying to engulf you, to not see anxious thoughts as a problem. My real strides came when I began to live again, as awful as I felt. I did not let anxiety hold me back any longer, I went from brooding and worrying about how I felt to not caring any longer and trust me I felt awful, but I dragged my tired old body around and began to live with anxiety and not spend my day trying to rid myself of it, I saw it as part of me for the time being and not the enemy. The best way to view anxiety in a different light and not make it the focus of your day is to also understand it and that’s why I try and explain every symptom in my book and on here, once you understand something you lose so much fear of it. I remember when depersonalisation hit I thought that I was going crazy, once I understood its presence it lost so much power, I may have not liked it, but now I understood why I felt this way and that it would pass in time. Its the same as when a women may feel a lump, she will go around all week before her appointment worrying, fretting, working herself up that it maybe something serious, she goes to the doctor and he explains its nothing but a boil, all the worrying and fretting leaves her, its the same lump, but she sees it in a different light, she now understands what it is. It was the years of not knowing and lack of information that sent me into a downward spiral.

    Anyway to finish anyone who was waiting for the updated book, just to let you know it has arrived today and will be sent straight out, I have had people read the new version and had really good feedback, so hopefully it will really help.

    O.k I am going out for a bike ride, then a run tomorrow and a couple of days rest. Mike I will see you there mate.


  226. Nicole Says:

    Great post Kashawn,
    You have summarized the process of recovery perfectly. I am where you are at as well but I have to admit it has taken me a while to understand this. It is so true that anxiety is a process of understanding.
    I have not shared too much about myself before so here is a quick snapshot:
    I am 37 and live in Ottawa, Ont. Canada
    I have 2 great kids and a great husband
    I have been working for a few years, but was home for around 5 to be with my kids.
    I never knew that one could walk around feeling anxiety until it hit just over 3 years ago after we moved houses and I think the financial stress and being unfulfilled in general must have brought this on, but I don’t waste time trying to figure that out anymore.
    I found this site and Claire Weekes books about the same time 1 year ago. With the help of Scarlet, Candie and Paul mostly, I have been able to gain an understanding of anxiety that was never presented to me before. I really struggled with accepting for the longest time but in the past 3 months I have experienced a shift and change in attitude and I feel about 80% most of the time, which is great. I have stopped grasping for full recovery, I know it will come in its own time and chasing it will not get me there. It is hard to express how thankful I am to everyone here for showing me the way “home”. I am regaining my faith in myself and the world. THANK-YOU!

  227. Paul David Says:

    Well done Nicole and that’s so true about it sort of falling into place and don’t forget we are stuck in a lot of old habits, this is why at first changes may seem small, we are stuck in the olf us and that’s who we have to carry around and accept for a while until a new us is born, its like one step forward and two back at times, but once we stop grasping for recovery it does get so much easier.

    And as you say its just that understanding we need, something we find so hard to find. But I don’t always blame doctors as it really is a subject in itself, they are just not equipped to help, hopefully in time people will be more educated and this will change.

    Keep trucking on and trust me you will be coming back again telling us you are doing even better, you have the perfect attiutde now to do so.


  228. trez Says:

    Hi Louise,thanks for your post i totally agree with the whole leaving you parnoid,now that i no that its dp i will be able to accept it a bit better.Its the worst feeling ever.I have to say yesterday was a bit better than most days.I just let the thoughts and feelings happen.Im being a bit more active because when i sit about i seem to do alot of inward thinking on the way im feeling.
    Great post Kashawn.

  229. Scarlet Says:


    You are doing great. I remember getting to the stage you are at, and despite having a wee bit of underlying anxiety I didn’t worry too much about 100% recovery. You are on the last leg, and will live with the 80%-90% whilst your confidence and faith in yourself builds up in the background, and soon there will come a time when everything just falls into place, and you will accept that everything you have been told is working for you. When this happens after a while a peace descends over you, and the fear disintigrates. I knew I was fully recovered when I felt at peace.

    Wishing this peace for you as well (and of course for everyone still suffering), and thank you too for being here and sharing.



    What a lovely post, spoken from the heart. I know it will help a lot of people. :-)

  230. Michelle Says:

    Hi everyone.. and Happy Spring. I took a break from thinking about the anxiety for a few weeks and am doing much better. I still haven’t had a 100% day, although I have had many 98% days! A year ago all my days were black and bleak. I seem to have mini-setbacks a lot, to where I feel pretty darn good then the anxiety feelings will wash over me for awhile. I try to just live my life through the feelings, and the feelings usually go away in an hour or two. This is a milestone for me, because these setbacks would last days and days before. I still get the odd couple of days now and then, but I am staying positive. Yes, I still get my moments of doubt and hope one day I will be “normal” true and true again. I guess that means I have fully accepted yet, but I’m getting there.

    And to introduce myself: I’m Michelle from the USA in Texas. I’m 41 and the mom of 3 great girls 15, 13 and 8. My husband is great and was there for me through the worst. Had a breakdown about 15 months ago and although not fully recovered, I am mostly recovered. I came off Remeron (anti-depressant) a bit over a month ago and am feeling better off them then I ever was on them.

    I do still have the odd periods of depression. Not days of it but more like moments. Is this normal or is it something else above and beyond the anxiety? Perhaps I feel a bit depressed because I’m not back to normal yet, and also the memory of my “ordeal” is still raw and nightmare-like to me, and I wish I could just forget it.

    Anyway, it seems so many of you are all getting better now too! It was great to read the improvements!

  231. teresa Says:

    It is great to hear the improvements of all you – this does the rest of so much good. I’m so pleased to have found you all as I have ‘struggled ‘ for years trying to come through this – I am early days into recovery and sometimes I can see the road and sometime I’m back to being a confused – however now I know that ‘I am doubting’ and I distrust my own opinion – which has to be an improvement. I’m a bit stressed out at the moment, a family wedding in Greece this summer and I’ve started the wobbling (negative thoughts such as I’ll feel awful, self pity, etc) – then I come here and I think, you can do it, you will do it and who cares how you feel – it’s just another step on the road to recovery.
    So thank you, each and everyone of you – it’s ALL helping, and at last I don’t feel I’m the only one.

  232. katie Says:

    Definately the right attitude teresa-however you will feel, who cares?as long as you face it and go to that wedding, you will feel so much better in yourself for going despite how you may feel!You most probably will get there and get so wrapped up in the day that you will forget to think about how you are feeling. Its just these doubts beforehand that are the buggers, but just keep thinking ‘you can do it’.
    You have got the right attitude to continue through recovery, and everyone has days where they feel great and then as scarlet said (which i really liked) ‘a doubting thomas’ the next.but even on these harder days, jus continue with the right attitude and they soon lift.

  233. teresa Says:

    Thanks Katie – support like that gives you the courage to face it – and yes I know if I don’t go I’ll feel far worse for giving in. Feeling very low at the moment, almost sure it’s a virus but with ‘anxiety’ you always question it. Yet even as low as I feel I KNOW that this is the right road and I’m on the road to recovery, it’s as if there is a voice in my head saying all these people can’t be wrong . I’ve felt enough of the ‘let go’s’ to know that it does fizzle (as Candie said) but I feel like a knitted jumper with all the stitches dropped, it’s all there , it’s just a matter of time for the stitches to knit themselves back together.
    I’m on the road now, and I am not turning back – think it’s going to take time to drop a lot of these habits and leave go of the reigns, but no problem , it will happen. Take care and thanks.

  234. lisa Says:

    youl be fine our nanna 😉 xx

  235. Fiona Says:

    When this happens after a while a peace descends over you, and the fear disintigrates. I knew I was fully recovered when I felt at peace.

    Lovely piece of advise and i completely understand that this is the difference between anxiety and recovery. Working on the process that gets you there takes time and patience though.
    Fiona xxx

  236. teresa Says:

    hi – and Cheers – feel a lot of strength from you all I will keep focusing but not forcing.
    Lousie, not in a great position to give advice – only thing I can say is that you will see it from another perspective eventually and when that happens the fear will melt. There are others who can help you more here, as far as therapists go – there’s therapist and therapists, to be honest they can obviously be helpful but there is nothing like a person who has come through it and now conquered it to REALLY know what you are going through. I wish you lots of luck, and I am SURE you will lose your fear of this situation.

  237. lorryt Says:

    having a tough few days, seems to be after i found a friend who is suffering from severe depression, and my mind went into overdrive, i so want to help her but am aware that i am still vulnerable myself and dont want to ‘go back there’ if you umderstand me. i had a few really good days a few weeks ago, but the thoughts are still lingering and not easing at al. feels like im stuck in a rut and not going forward. i know its only adrenelin but at the momen its rushing thorugh me like there no tomorrow. maybe i should keep away from my mates situation, she has a very supportive family and her medication has been changed yet again, but i can now see how medication isnt going to hlep her long term, i know she isnt in a position right now to be part of pauls learning as she hasnt got out of bed for days.but i believe this place is such a positive place and definately the way forward. i ithnk i need to sort myself out before i go involving myself in other peoples suffering?. small remarks that people say just seem to set me off at the mo and off my head goes, im taking too much notice of it, but i think i have lost a bit of my learning and am dwelling on stuff that i should be saying whatever to i guess??. i feel a bit confused again and a bit lost . i got into the living for the day thing then it seemed to dissappear again?. doesnt stop me doing stuff anymore, just disturbs me that i have come such a way and still my thoughts bother me. can anyone shed some light on where im missing something/

    have a good day alll

    good luck paulxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  238. Fiona Says:

    Lorryt, dont worry about this women and her depression. you dont have depression you have anxiety. They are completely different conditions. Depression is to do with the brain chemistry and anxiety is to do with nervous system and adrenalin. You may feel a bit down at times but its not depression hence the reason that ADs never work for anxiety sufferers. Your in a bit of a set back at the moment and the thought that is sticking and causing the adrenalin to flow is this one. Its not nice but it will pass in time….. it always does xxx

  239. lisa Says:

    i strongly agree with you teressa, on your last post. this is a positive blog thats what its here for. lorry, your doing well,pay it no respect hun, look where you were 3,6, 12 months ago and look how far youv come on. you can always show your friend this website or even better lend her your book 😉 remember what paul said about remembering everything, forgetting the next, accept it and move on lorry x hope candies having a lovely weeks holiday 😉 xx hows the boys doing? your very quiet, are you all on holiday too..lol 😉

  240. Nikki Says:

    I am on the road to recovery bit by bit symptoms are coming and going.The good days are more often and I have learned to ignore the bad, but I have a feeling of waiting for something.I am going out and socialising as normal, I am at work and just functioning normal I feel hundreds of times better than I used to and I am happy with that. I have noticed though that if I hear anything on the radio or telly or a conversation crops up that is linked to all the scary/irrational thoughts I have had, my mind sort of checks in to say “how do you feel about that” and waits for a reaction.If i could forget that I have had anxiety then I would be fully recovered if you know what I mean.I thought I would post to see if anyone else experiencing anything similar. I am so glad to have found this site and the support from everyone on here without this information I would still be chasing my tail and googling for answers so thanks paul and good luck with your run x

  241. Victor Says:


    Nikki, I am in a very similar spot. I am a father of a new born daughter, she will be two months old tomorrow. I recently found myself (about 2 wks ago), getting odd thoughts about her. It has been very hard to break the habit and any reminders that can cause me to think about it have been causing me to think about it. So you are not the only one.

    Anybody who has any tips or encouragement please feel free, as I have been holding strong so far but it does get difficult at times and i wonder if the thoughts will ever stop. Thank you.

  242. Bev Says:

    I can relate Nikki. It’s like I’m wating to feel anxious to things that in the past have made me feel that way. Sometimes the rush of adrenaline comes, sometimes it doesn’t. I just think that the fact that sometimes it doesn’t means that we are healing. I am hoping that the more often this happens, the less we will be waiting for it, because we won’t be expecting it anymore. If that makes sense.
    I have had a couple nights of better sleep. I still wake up quite early in the morning, and that is when my symtoms are the worst, but I am trying to just relax and let it happen. I took myself swimming last night and running the night before that. I am just trying to concentrate on each activity and each moment. Sometimes I lose that and start to concentrate on me again, but I try to think of it like meditation. Each time I notice that my mind wanders, I gently bring it back to the present moment. I do this by concentrating on the details of what is around me. Like last night doing laps in the pool. Each time I noticed that I was thinking inwardly, I would ask myself what the water felt like around me, or to count how many people were in the lane next to me. I would ask myself what the colour of the pool drains were and then go search for those. I find that this sort of thing helps me, I just thought that it might help someone else.

  243. Tracey Says:

    I can relate Nikki, I’m kind of doing something similar. but it doesn’t happen as often as it used to. I do notice I’m much more able to ignore silly things now than I ever could before. so I think when we get that feeling its the memory reminding us that we reacted before and trying to get a reaction again–but if we dont react then with time it wont even bother us anymore.

  244. Nikki Says:

    Hi victor thought it might help to know that after my daughter was born I had thoughts that I would harm her and I found it very disturbing.I went to the doctor who said that I had “gone over the top ” It really was quite scary as i was on my own all day.Eventually though I realised that it was just because I was desperate to protect her the only person I had left to fear was me.Basically what i’m saying is its a parents natural instinct to protect and anxiety over a new birth (especially girls as i had already got a five year old boy who I never had thoughts about) can bring out all sorts of irrational and disturbing thoughts, when I understood why it had happened the thought faded.The main reason being I told my mum and my husband about it and they were very reassuring.I eventually got bored with the thoughts they no longer provoked a reaction and faded away within a few weeks. Hope this has helped x

  245. Michelle Says:

    Nikki.. that’s exactly where I am at. My mind doesn’t want to give up the habit of checking in. I always feel like I’m waiting for something too! Sometimes I feel like I’m just waiting to get old and sometimes feel impatient that it’s taking so long. My last annoying symptoms, that I hope will some day disappear. I used to love life and thought it went way too fast. Now when I think about my past it seems like it was a million years ago and it makes me feel so tired especially when I think I have at least as many years ahead of me.

  246. Katie Says:

    Teresa,if your thinkin you have a virus,then anxiety is always worse when you are ill, tired, time of month, stressed etc, so this is prob why you are feeling low at the moment. Honestly, jus concentrate on getting better and not how bad your anxiety is and the better you get, the better your anxiety will lift and you will continue with your positive attitude that is leading you on the right road to recovery.

    Victor, i too had thoughts about my daughter, and they used to scare me so much,as i used to think how can you think like that about the one person you love most in the world, but Paul explains it so well in his book that these thoughts usually come about those closest to you and it really is just excess adrenalin finding its release in them. I now no longer care about these thoughts as i accept them for what they are-just thoughts and accept why they come, and they dont hold half as much force on me as they used to!!My good days are really outweighing bad ‘moments’-not days no more!which is great for me as that in itself is an achievement, as at the start of recovery if i wr going through a bad patch, it would take a couple of days to get over as i admit, i did ponder a bit, whereas now the bad patches only last moments for me-not days! And this too will happen to you the further into recovery you get. So let the thoughts be, see them for what they are- just thoughts, nothing more,despite how horrible or strange they may be, and they too will start to loose their hold on you.

  247. Katie Says:

    My thoughts are still there,but i see that they are now there due to habit, not that i am panicking about their content, so patience is the key and i no that the more i adapt my new way of thinking, the more the thoughts will fade.Good Luck Paul for your run, bet you cant wait!!

  248. louise Says:

    I noticed a blog i posted earlier has been removed i aplogise if ive said anything that could be viewed as detrimental to anyone, that would never be my intentions-hope someone can explain because it most definatly will play in my head,on a plus side ive had a very good day and even managed some of the dreaded phonecalls,felt very nervous but got through them!!!Speak soon xxxxxxxxx

  249. teresa Says:

    Louise – So well done, I’m thrilled for you – I am sure that was the worst bit, onward and upward now , you’re on a winning streak.

  250. teresa Says:

    Lisa and Katie thanks for your support earlier, you have got me through a tough day. I felt really low and was sure it must be a virus but it ‘seems not – but I was able to take the day as it came, went out and did a little bit of gardening and then went for a walk with my daughter this evening and watched a squirrel eating a lollypop!!!! Things have improved a lot. I seem to be having far more troughs lately but I think it’s because I am facing and not running away. For years I have tried to keep a grip on this situation and through doing this have lived in a life where I tried to control anxiety but it controlled me (for the mere fact I was trying to control it) – now I have thrown myself infront of it and sometimes it’s a bit unnerving/scarey. It’s because I KNOW this is the cure and there is such great suport from you all that I can really see and feel this is the road to recovery – it’s like I’ve taken the stabilisers off the bike, LOL. Each time I read something from you I learn something – Lisa pushing my positivity this morning and tonight Katie has given me something to remember in saying ‘just concentrate on getting better , once you do the anxiety will get better’ – common sense really but it will stop me trying to work out if whatever ‘I have’ at any particualr time is anxiety or something else – I try so hard not to give in to any illness incase it is anxiety, I can see now, it doesn’t matter, just do what you thinks best and everything will improve with time –
    Anyway, thanks again – this place makes my recovery REAL.
    Paul, hope you’re chilling and the race goes well and thank you.
    Hope everyone else continuing to improve. X

  251. Victor Says:

    Thanks to those who gave me insight. I will listen and trust your words of encouragement, as thiis blog has helped me make it through all my other tough times.

    And just to add on to what paul said. I am seeing a therapist, and yes she has been of some help, i am very grateful for how much she has helped me. However I must say if not for this website and blog I do not believe I would be where I am. I honestly believe when most doctors or therapist think about anxiety they do not think about it on the level that many of us have it on this blog. I remember at the beginning I would have symptoms, google, and could not find anything relative to what I was feeling, then one day (thank god!) i stumbled upon pauls website. And thanks to him and everyone else i truly believe I will get to a great point in my life and overcome this obstacle. Thank you

  252. Katie Says:

    Good luck for Sunday Paul!! Totally agree with what you are saying. I think it is pointless going to see someone who hasnt been through what you have. I seen a counsellor and had 4 sessions and i did find it useful, but only because the counsellor I was seeing had been through anxiety. I recommended your book to him, as I have learnt more from your book than the sessions and he too asked for the title of the book and I also recommended this site-as Paul, you are a success story and work towards helping others get through recovery and I really admire you for that.
    So dont run too hard on Sunday lol!!And put up the pics, we want to see you red faced and in your shorts lol!!

  253. Paul David Says:

    Hello Katie I will post all the pics, went to argos to buy my new camera the other day, may have to put the flash on though, it will probably be dark by the time I get there :)

    Candie has just shown me a pic of you and Grace Katie, nice to put a face to a name and what a cute baby you have. You will have to tell Candie about all the sleepless nights and morning sickness to come :)


  254. louise Says:

    Sorry im being a pest,i just want to add that ive been really annoyed with myself for making this remark so off the cuff,ive been suffering for almost 10 yrs and its only been recently ive thought enough is enough!!!Ive asked for help and im finally being honest with my family about how awful ive been feeling,i Never in a million years expected to feel so damn confused about different advice/treatments,but hopefully through time ill learn to trust my own instincts and be confident enough to process what feels right for me and what doesnt.

  255. selma Says:

    Hi all

    I am in my final weeks of pregnancy and have been doing overall great. I haven’t even been on here for months! But now that I am off of work I am having a hard time. I think it’s the boredom, anticipation and waiting. I have never done well being bored. As I child, I remember being bored all the time and really struggling with that. I did some googling this morning (I know…bad) and there were all these links to boredom and BIPOLAR, which got my head spinning. One of my biggest problems is that I always fear I have bipolar or some other disorder. So now I feel like a wreck again…espeically in these last weeks when I need to be stable. I am just really afraid. I feel like I have lost a lot of progress I have made. It’s just very hard for me to fill up days with nothing planned and the anxiety floats in and out of my mind all day. I need a little support today…

  256. Jessica Says:

    Hello Paul

    How are you doing. I have not been here for a few days, followed Candie’s advice to take a break. You know Paul i don’t know why i am feeling very down, I feel so bad. My mind is always and always trying to sort things out. For example, it’s always i must do this, i must do that, I know its the wrong thing to do, but i can’t stop it, i can’t control it… I am accepting it as a habit and my mind playing its tricks, but its still the same. Plus i have that eyes and forehead pain. It’s so awful.

    I try to watch TV, read a book, work as normal as possible at work, but i can’t. My mind is running and running, sorting things every minute, so many questions are running in my mind. i can’t concentrate, everything is such an effort for me. To let you know i got your book, i understood it so well, everything is so well described.

    Paul a bit of advice on your part would be greatly appreciated. I feel so tired. I even pity my husband. He really wants me to recover. He has seen your book and says that now at last you will have a life. He is so happy i found this site.

    Everytime when i feel thoughts wants to come, i say to myself,” Come if you wish, i just don’t care now”. When my mind are sorting things out, i just say to myself”my tired mind is only playing its tricks, do what you want. I keep telling this to myself everytime, i got these symptoms, sometimes even the whole day.

    Please advise Paul.

  257. Bev Says:

    Don’t beat yourself up over this. You were voicing your confusion, we’ve all been confused about what we should do. It’s clear that you weren’t intentionally trying to offend anyone. Don’t be too hard on yourself.

  258. JR Says:

    Louise we are your friends on here. I know that anyone I ever meet for the rest of my life that has gone through DP and anxiety will instantly be my friend. This illness causes pain, confusion, and total loss of hope. It takes you away from you. I’ve been in your shoes questioning, who is right on this subject, reading websites and analyzing every ounce of information out there on the subject. I’ve felt, just like many of us on here including Paul, the rejection or confusion you feel when a doctor looks at you like “what are you talking about” and tries to tell you what you’re feeling when they really don’t have a clue.

    I’ve told myself that I’m not listening to anyone that has not gone through DP and anxiety for themselves. How can they know how it feels, I go through it every single day and yet I have trouble explaining it…so how do they think they know.

    Trust me, this is the answer and where you need to be. Paul’s book and this blog will help you through. I never thought I would even get on the road to recovery. I thought this was me forever. Now I’m far down that road; I still have road ahead me but it gets shorter the more I gain knowledge, practice patience, and put what Paul says into action.

  259. Candie Says:

    Would just like to Wish Paul and Mike good luck for the charity run on sunday, make sure u get loads of pics and no racing! Know how men like to compete lol, i have visions of u both running in slow motion to the finish line with ‘chariots of fire’ playing in the background…. hahahaha.

    My sister is getting married tomorrow so i wont be on over weekend, be back next week- byeeeeeeeee

  260. Jessica Says:

    Ok Paul. No prob. I can understand. But don’t forget me. I am going to watch some funny videos on youtube to laugh a bit.

    Ok bye for now.

    Candie enjoy yourself. Congrats to your sis.

  261. Nikki Says:

    HI paul sorry to post here but my e-mail is down (again) just letting you know i received my book this morning many thanks. Good luck on sunday !!

  262. JR Says:

    Paul and Mike …good luck on Sunday from the U.S.!!! We’re pulling for you!! Once you cross the finish line, both of you should drop down and do 100 pushups! : )

  263. John S Says:

    Yes good luck to both you guys, weather is good aswell i think. Pace yourselves!

  264. Katie Says:

    Thanks Paul!Grace is a little cutie,cant believe she is nearly 2 already-gone sooo fast! Me and Candie have talked loads about pregnancy-right through to birth!I were lucky however, i had no morning sickness and only had 6 weeks of sleepless nights!!
    And im sure it wnt be dark lol by the time you finish your run, all your training will pay off!!

  265. Kashawn Says:

    Hi everyone!!!

    Hope everyone is well, Im so glad my last post came off as helping and confirmed right by Paul, Candie, Scarlet and the rest:) I have been feeling soo much better, Life is returning!!!! Scarlet I really like how you describe the end stages of Recovery as I feel what you say; the fear truly disintegrates.

    I noticed depersonalization is being mentioned alot on this post by people; I just want to remind us that Dp is not a monster but rather something good for us, something to protect us and fades when its not needed anymore :) As you learn alot about it you disregard it and it doesnt bother you anymore.

    I was wondering if anyone can comment on what they feel when recovery is at its end; This is what I feel:
    -the good days/ moments keep adding up
    -the headaches lessen; I feel less and less pressure on my head
    -the panic and dread feelings are soo minimal I barely feel them
    -I think much more clearly; as if a cloudy storm is slowly clearing in my mind
    -the attention is slowly going away from me, i dont think about myself as much;
    -i just feel like me again, its feels soo natural, Its a very personal thing; hard to explain But it feels good!!!

    What does everyone else feel when at the last step of recovery?


  266. louise Says:

    Paul,thanks for acknowledging my apology,it was truly playing on my mind but im glad we can now put the subject to rest.Bev thanx also,i was so beating myself up over the matter im pleased u could see i didnt mean to offend and JR your advice is just what i needed to hear,”were your friends here “brings great comfort and means alot to me.On a positve note ive been feeling not too bad,definatly having some anxiety free days and on the days i feel bad making a valid attempt to carry on as normal,im getting better at accepting my strange unwanted thoughts and as a result
    finding the fear of them to be lessening.Im still working on my phobias but i do accept that in order to fully recover i have to face these fears head on,as ive said umpteen times before this terrifies the life out of me but i know this is something ive GOT to do.I think im gonna get there in time and that feels amazing to say,id never have said this 2months ago!!Anyway im going to sign off for the weekend,have a good one all.Paul good luck with the run!!!!!!!xx

  267. selma Says:

    any comments for the pregnant lady? haha 😉

  268. Stephen Says:

    Hey scarlet,

    How are you going with your guests? stressful i bet haha. I’ve been doing ok and good laterly, very up and down affair as always but like always more normal feelings are happening. I realised this morning when i woke up to go to work i was really tired, grumpy and did not want to go because i had a really late night. then the thoughts started such as “why do i feel this way” or “why dont i feel good but bad”. and it was clear to see that i was tired, i didnt feel like going to work so why souldnt i feel that way? before my anxiety i would of walked around moody as all hell and not cared haha. I do believe a huge part of our anxiety is questioning normal feelings that everyone gets.

    im even having normal days when i just feel normal, like not happy happy joy joy, just like how u would feel during a normal day, like content. so things are always looking up. Felt some grey bits today as a person i work with just attention seeks with her mental issue or whatever which always makes me want to question myself again, i think they want to “let her go” though, so as bad as this sounds i think it will make my work life loads easier as she is my main pull down. what do you think?

    Anyway i had better get ready to go out, im having no trouble going out and enjoying myself these days, which is becoming a bad thing as the uni work is getting a tad neglected haha.



    good luck with the run paul and mike!

  269. Paul David Says:

    Thanks for all the encouragement with the run everyone, I stopped in last night in preperation (missed my cider :) ), healthy eating today and a pasta with no beer tonight. Pics should be up on Monday, as long as I run the 6 miles without stopping I will be happy as a hamstring injury stopped me training for 10 days.

  270. Jessica Says:

    Hey Paul

    Good luck for the run. If you are free hope you can clarify my question in the post above. Today i felt a bit ok after so many days.

    Cooking fish for dinner today. Hmmmm


  271. mike Says:

    hello everyone. thanks for the comments for the run, up in the morning 7am travelling from wigan to yorkshire to do the run and looking forward to it. managed to raise around £300 quid for the charity so happy with that like. just looking forward to it and happy that im doing something to help others re anxiety knowing what a horrible place this anxiety can take us.

  272. teresa Says:

    Paul and Mike
    Just a quick post – Hope it all went brilliantly today – heroes of the blog, well done on the run and the fund raising, just shows what positivity can do. Time to sit on your laurels and take 5 reflecting in your glory. I would put in a smiley face but can’t find one!!!! And yes Mike, both of you are proving 100% recovery is in us all!!

  273. Candie Says:

    Good luck today Mike & Paul, all that money you have raised is amazing! Mike if he gives you any grief half way round complaining about his bunnions make sure u tell him of 😛 hahahah

  274. Paul David Says:

    Just got back and very pleased, I managed to do it under an hour 57:30 minutes , 6 miles is a long way and I did feel the last mile, although I did not stop once, which was my first aim. Raised around £650 so brilliant all round, will post more about the day and post the pics up I took, very tired now and having a bath and a rest :)

  275. Paul David Says:

    Jessica to answer your post above.

    My mind is always and always trying to sort things out. For example, it’s always i must do this, i must do that, I know its the wrong thing to do, but i can’t stop it, i can’t control it… I am accepting it as a habit and my mind playing its tricks, but its still the same. Plus i have that eyes and forehead pain. It’s so awful.

    I try to watch TV, read a book, work as normal as possible at work, but i can’t. My mind is running and running, sorting things every minute, so many questions are running in my mind. i can’t concentrate, everything is such an effort for me. To let you know i got your book, i understood it so well, everything is so well described.

    Firstly Jessica its o.k to let your mind sort things out, let it go where it wants, if it wants to be on you and sort things out, then it will has it has become a habit, just let it do so and in time it will calm. What you have done is thought well i have accepted it for a week and its still there, this is impatience, you are watching for progress instead of letting it come to you, if it wants to sort things out for weeks, let it, its fine, don’t get frustrated that you think this way. And I did tell someone before not to rely on sayings to make them feel better.

    You say: I try to watch TV, read a book, work as normal as possible at work, but i can’t. My mind is running and running, sorting things every minute, so many questions are running in my mind. i can’t concentrate, everything is such an effort for me. To let you know i got your book, i understood it so well, everything is so well described. This was me also but I just had to concentrate as much as my mind would let me, it is hard to concentrate when our mind is active, but just concentrate as much as you can, don’t try to force concentration. I think what you are doing is trying to have full concentration and if you don’t try and find sayings to clear your mind, no, just read a book aswell as you can, watch tv knowing your mind may wander, don’t try and force feelins or try and find salvation in a saying. You are expecting far too much far too soon, you are wanting it to stop instead of having the attitude of it does not matter what way I think, that is true accepting.

    To finish someone else asked something similar below and here was my answer.

    7. Paul – I Was doing so well these days and out of the blue I got this setback. When I do brain retraining, I feel the term I use to accept don’t have any weight, they feel meaningless when I say them to myself. For example, when I say to myself,” It’s only a bad habit”. Then automatically my mind will start questioning, what’s a habit, are you sure it’s a bad habit.” I don’t know what to do. I have tried with new sayings, the same happens. It’s so confusing, please advise.

    Again you don’t have to have sayings, as you can put too much faith in them to make you feel better and as you say they can lose their effect. When you say ‘Its only a bad habit’ and then the other questions come, this again is adrenalin needing an outlet. You need to let the extra thoughts come if they wish, but let them burn themselves out. As you say, you let them frustrate you, as you became active in them, if you had not, they would not have bothered you.

    But more than anything I would drop the sayings, ‘just let come what may’. If your mind questions a question, then let it, but don’t get involved or let it frustrate you. Also don’t search around for a phrase to make you feel better, ‘That did not work, what about this saying’ ‘That did not work, Ill try this’ You see you are back in fight mode, you are not accepting, you are searching for something to make you feel better and having a mental battle with yourself to do so.

  276. lisa Says:

    well done mate 😉 hows mike?

  277. Tracey Says:

    Reading your reply back to those 2 people really just helped me. I’ve been doing rather well lately but yesterday I was in a minor setback. Your reply to them made me realize I was getting frusturated and impatient with myself yesterday and I was letting extra thoughts bother me instead of acknowledging that its excess adrenalin. I know my main problem now is getting frusturated.. when I’ve had good days and then I go and have a day where I let the thoughts bother me, I get really frusturated with myself as to why I just cant let this go and then obviously that’s when the extra thoughts come in …. how did you get past getting frusturated?

  278. mike Says:

    hello everyone,
    did the race in 56:30 which like paul very pleased about. got lost this morning and turned up at the place 09:45 for a 10am start. didnt get to see paul but looking at them times we must have been pretty close.
    raised around £300 which very pleased with and like paul didnt stop so happy with that.
    been a top day and ive really enjoyed it. my wife has taken some photos so will get them on the site. does anyone know how i would get the photos on the site? hope all is well with everyone x.

  279. Annie Says:

    Mike and Paul, congratulations on your run! I’m training for my first half marathon on July 4. I haven’t run since high school (and I’m 43 now!). Quite enjoying it.

    Mike – the easiest way to post your pictures is to join a free hosting site, such as Flickr.

  280. louise Says:

    congratulations paul and mike!!!!!!!!!!i think you both deserve a refreshment now!xxIm thinking about attending a class tomorrow,i found it on a website for people suffering from social phobia.I find myself particularly anxious around people and id like to gather as much advice as possible on the matter,cbt is helping somewhat but im hoping ill benefit even more from talking to people who share the same experiances,God im even anxious about going to the class!Ive been trying more lately to really face my fears and even though some axperiances do go well this doesnt [much to my dismay]stop me from dreading the same experiance again.Can anyone else relate to this and if so what advice would you give????I must admit the physical sensations no longer frighten me but when dp sets in i feel awful,find it impossible to take any good from a situation when i feel all that weird way,not convinced noone else knows im acting strange because i think i know when i spot anxiety in others!!Speak soon all xx

  281. Kashawn Says:

    Congrats to Mike and Paul!!!

  282. lisa Says:

    well done mike 😉

  283. Annie Says:

    Louise, anticipatory anxiety has always been much worse for me than the actual event. I’ve just accepted that I will have those feelings before the event and go anyway. I’m not saying that I feel physically comfortable, but I always ask myself – what’s the alternative? Stay at home while life passes me by? If I’m going to feel like crap, I’d rather feel like crap doing something that I’ve deemed important to me, something that I value.

    I will say that after a period of time (months in my case) it gets easier and easier to go to things. I went to a party Friday and and barely thought about it beforehand. In the past, it would have been the #1 topic in my thoughts all day.

  284. Paul David Says:

    Mike just email the pics mate and I will post them up, well done mate, proud of us both.

  285. Scarlet Says:

    WELL DONE PAUL AND MIKE….. I’ll be back soon.

    ‘goed uitgevoerd’

  286. Scarlet Says:

    lol in that first message I wrote in Arabic, but i didn’t work…

    Lovely day everyone


  287. Jessica Says:

    Hi Paul…

    Thanks for your repluuy. Now i understand, i am being impatient. Now i am letting my mind thinking anything. Thanks for clarifying.

    Paul i think you should put a page where we all can share pictures/photos in between. it would be more lively. Ok thanks.


  288. lisa Says:

    i thought you”d been on the cider scarlet with paul..lol 😉

  289. Paul David Says:

    Jessica we do have a page http://www.anxietynomore.co.uk/members_pics.html

    When I get them off Mike I will put them up, thanks Scarlet it was a long slog but very rewarding, want to do another now :)

    Mike just checked results and my offical time was 57:13, you finished 9 seconds in front of me, must have seen you at the finish line and not even known!

  290. Fiona Says:

    Good one on the run Paul and Mike and good times also…. look forward to seeing the pics!!!
    Fiona xxxx

  291. LORRYT Says:

    well done guys have a few for me !..

    all the best you deserve a rest !

  292. LORRYT Says:

    i am getting myself into a bit of a pickle about things, and seem to be going round in circles. i am trying not to get sorry for myself about things as i now realise that was what happened before ( suppose i have learnt something). i want to live a worry and stress free life as much as possible, but i am starting to think that its not possible !.slight things set me off, and off we go again. i know i have made progress, but am getting really frustrated about the thoughts side of things. i can now handle the physical side of things but the mental side of it i guess im having a lot of trouble accepting. its the not paying anyattention to the thoughts that i can grasp. all these people that made a speedy recovery must have been very patient people, i guess i just want things to be perfect.
    situations keep arising that i have handled better recently than i would of done previously ( very stressy hubby !!). that would of been major panic.
    onwards and upwards eh!….

    have a good day allxx

  293. Nikki Says:

    Hi all congratulations on the run both!!!I was wondering if anyone had any advice on the last steps to recovery I find I am having days where I feel like me again but having the odd thought or feeling which is fine. It seems that my memory/habits are what are holding me back at the moment.I feel that if i didnt know I had been suffering anxiety or could forget I would truly feel ‘normal’ again.I find myself wishing I could just forget what I have been through as my thought patterns are still anxiety linked. Does this process gradually just fade with time ? I know this post sounds like I am being impatient i’m truly not, I am just completely bored by this whole thing !!! Its just that I have alot of information about how you feel when things are really bad but not when you are starting to feel better ( if that makes sense ) This site has been so inspiring and i credit my recovery to all those writing here and of course to paul, so much so I have informed my doctor of this site in order that she can get information herself and advise others as she says 1 in 4 people that come into her surgery are anxiety sufferers (I hope you dont mind ).

  294. Candie Says:

    Seven seconds between ya and u didnt even see eachother! Mike how on earth did u miss that big head of Pauls!?

    Hi Nikki,
    Its common to think that if we could just forget we ever suffered then we would be anxiety free- however that is not true. During recovery anxiety will try finding its release in other things anyway, so even if u did forget about it the adrenalin would worm its way back in with something else. Thats why you have to be able to live with it for the nerves to heal, its no use thinking if i could only forget- as your mind would eventually fixate on something else anyway…. you know when your fully recovered as habits and memory can come as they please but subside as u just dont care. Now this isnt to say when u recover it will worm its way back in, because thats impossible- when u trually recover your new habits prevent this happening. So for now dont threat that u need to forget the anxiety, as your mind will let it go when you recover- you cant make memories fade, they just do when you move on from them.

  295. Nikki Says:

    Hi candie thanks for replying. I sort of thought thats what would happen.I understand what you mean when you say ‘this isnt to say when you recover it will worm it’s way back in ‘ I will always know that i suffered from anxiety I just wont suffer from it any more. It’s like knowing you had tonsilitis or something ,you dont feel ill because you know you had it and thinking about it wont make it come back. I agree with what you say ,I think its just a phase in time that will pass like any other I couldnt tell you what I was feeling or worrying about this time last year but i’m sure at the time it seemed important to me.I had something similar happen to me when my daughter was born and I no longer wake up in a morning thinking/worrying about it, its just something that happened and in time this will be the same.It feels like a lot of connections or thought patterns (such as constant checking or waiting for a reaction thats not there) have been made in my head whilst suffering and i need to give my head and emotions that time to reconnect themselves and only time can help with this. I will continue to live alongside until my nerves settle again. I feel so much better now , what used to be a good day for me is now probably what I would class as a bad one so i’v come a long way.Thanks xx

  296. louise Says:

    Hey Annie thanx for replying,i almost always get myself worked up before a social event and by the time the event comes im in tatters,my body thinks its about to face mike tyson and the dp is awful.Im getting better for sure,i just get impatient when i do well and yet STILL dread other social occasions.My self esteem is defo building and through this i push myself to face people parties etc etc….staying at home in my safe haven doesnt do me any favours at all and im determined to keep on with this facing my fears,some days are good,some excellent an some bad,but i guess this is the nature of recovery….I tell you what when i get to the end of this im gonna be the most patient person ever..Well i can kive in hope!!Paul it was so good to put a face to you,and nice legs by the way!!!!!xx

  297. Candie Says:

    Ok 9 seconds then! Wedding was good thanks, sober me ran at the buffet and beat the stampede there hahaha. Night do was a bit boring as by then everyone was merry and i sat there sipping my diet coke!

  298. Paul David Says:

    Diet coke, awwwww your the best mummy in the world, had a few well deserved ciders after the run and feel yucky today.

    Sober would mean no timewarping then?

  299. Tracey Says:

    This is for Candie, Scarlet, or anyone who’s recovered …So I’m happy to say my setback that I had lasted for a day which normally would have lasted quite a bit longer. I’ve also noticed for myself that I don’t dwell on my thoughts the way that I used to do — is that how recovery started happening for you?

  300. Ben Says:


    I seem to have got myself to a point where although I am making progress I am really bothered about one physical symptom. Does this still mean I am not accepting ? I always feel a lot of tension in my face and my mouth feels like it is going to quivver/twitch when I am anxious and I worry about it making me look stupid.

    I am most definitely not letting anxiety dictate what I do – i.e. I have accepted that I am anxious so no matter how bad I feel I will still go places, meet people and NEVER avoid stuff. I do feel however that I am still focussing on these symptoms – how can I move away from this when I am always aware of the strange feelings ? I feel like I have semi-accepted if that makes sense in that I get on with my day whilst still living in a bit of fear ?

    I am also finding now that rather than having good days, bad days etc I seems to get good hours/bad hours ?!? Can it really fluctuate that much ? Feel very random at the moment!

    Anyway, ace result on the 10K Paul – I’ve got mine coming up in May, so am going to try and do it sub 50 minutes which means knocking 5 mins of my last time!


  301. trez Says:

    Hi everyone,sorry havent been on all week my computor has been broke.Would just like to say that ive had a good week,ive been rather busy.I cant believe that i havent been doing as much deep thinking and analizing on myself that i normally do.I feel so good,i think its because i have it in my mind that to just accept each day as it comes,good or bad.Its good to come on and chat to you all….THANKS TREZ.XXXXX

  302. Paul David Says:

    Ben you have answered your own question, you are worried about looking stupid and so focus on the twitching and maybe try and control it, this may then make it worse and as you are worried about looking stupid and focusing on it, you begining to let this symptom bother you. So firstly don’t care if you twitch or not, you don’t have to like a symptom, that’s never what its about.

    So just say ‘If I twitch I twitch I no longer care, its just a symptom that will dissapear the less I bother about it’ more than that let yourself look silly in front of others, don’t care if you do, you may find just this simple action will have you twitching less as you are no longer focusing on it or trying to control it and in turn are less tense.

    On having good and bad hours, again this could be because a change is taking place. But honestly don’t watch your progress make it an issue to how you are doing, I had good and bad days and I treated them all the same and my improvement just crept up on me. Just as Trez says above, this is the right attitude.

    On the run Ben, that’s a good time and I said I would like to do my next one under 55 miuntes and with losing a bit more weight and 9 weeks extra training I should get there.


  303. Michelle Says:

    Is it normal for feelings of depression to come and go a lot during recovery? Sometimes it’s just a day here, a day there. Other times it’s an hour here, and hour there and sometimes just for brief periods several times a day.

  304. louise Says:

    Trez,you sound so much more postive than you did just the other week,keep it up!!!Im feeling good myself,im getting better at accepting every day yesterday i woke feeling pretty anxious,thoughts where racing through my mind and i must say i didnt let them bother me at all,im starting to see my bad days as a challenge now,if i can pull through a bad day still smiling then im cool with that,im starting to learn that i CAN feel anxious and be ok,theres nothing to fear,i can carry on regardless of the physical symptoms now and that feels so good its a massive step in the right direction!!!Im working hard on facing my fears/phobias and i wont lie its not easy but as ive said before i do 100% know its the only way to recovery so i wont be giving in.BEN i can so relate to what your saying about tension around your mouth etc (someone else on here recently complained about the same thing)sometimes when im talking i have this really strange sensation around my mouth as you say its a like a quivering feeling,i used to pay soooo much attention to this it made me want to run away from conversation,ben i dont care anymore its only a sensation let it be there who cares!!!Ive given up bothering about it,i know its not serious just another annoying symptomf anxiety and through time hopefullly it will go!!Hope everyone is doing ok speak soon xxx

  305. Annie Says:

    Louise, check you out! You have hit the nail on the head. It is very possible to do what you want/need to do WITH THE ANXIETY. Like probably everyone else, I thought I had to wait at home until the anxiety went away, then I could start living my life. WRONG!!! You have to decide what’s important to you and live your life anyway, no matter HOW YOU FEEL.

    How you feel is so transitory anyway. How many times have you gone somewhere, 100% sure that you would have to leave from your anxiety, yet everything turned out fine? Making predictions about your anxiety is the worse thing you can do. And, lets face it, what has ever really happened to you besides feeling bad? You haven’t been committed to an institution, you haven’t run out of a gathering screaming, you haven’t died. All that’s ever happened to you is that you’ve had some physical and mental symptoms that occur when you release adrenaline. Yes, it feels terrible yet somehow we all manage.

    When we stop fighting the anxiety and just let it be there, when we stop struggling, then and only then does our nervous system begin to repair itself. Step out of the way and let the body heal. Make peace with the fact that this is how you feel AT THIS MOMENT. You are not “crazy”, and you’re definitely not alone. Millions of us have stressed our nervous systems, yet our bodies will heal themselves if we give them a chance.

  306. trez Says:

    hi preety,i to like yourself have been following the blog a wile before i decieded to post afew weeks ago,i was doing a terrible lot of inward thinking,didnt no what was happening.i decided last week to take every day as it comes and every thought and feeling happen,Preety i have learnt that fighting them gets you no where,it makes me worse,i have to say that ive had a really good week,two weeks ago i thought that i could never feel good again,this week has showed me that there can be good weeks as well as bad.Would like to thank Louise for the post,its good to hear that your doing good yourself,chat later.x

  307. Kashawn Says:

    Annie awesome post:) The body has the best healing system regardless.

  308. trez Says:

    Hi Lorryt,
    Dont get yourself in a pickle and think your going around in circles because i was doing exactley the same a week ago,i thought i was never going to change the way i was thinking and feeling,but this week im feeling a lot better,believe me i thought no one else can feel like this its because we think to much about the way were feeling,i no its hard to do but just go with it,thats what ive been doing and have had a good week so far.I thought ANXIETY was all physical feeling,was i shocked when i started studying everything i done and everything around me and also analizing myself,never thought anxiety could do this,hope you start feeling a bit better,hope im on the recovery path people.x

  309. lisa Says:

    preety, welcome. i think the post that i, and candie and scarlet and paul commented on to jessica will help you, so read n reread that one :-)

  310. sasha Says:

    Hi Preety

    This is exactly what it is…its just plain anxiety …but heights of anxiety…but then u try to be as outward as possible rather than concentrating inward …while in a conversation you will be bothered only about yourself about how you feel and you fail to follow the conversation that makes you feel irritable and even more anxious. instead as Paul said let the feelings linger however bad it is…give it no attention and give your attention more towards whats happening outside ..even if you feel anxious inside…let it be there…just fake it …initially its hard but through practise you get the hold of it and it comes naturally to you…and then even if you feel anxious you are not scared because you are practising yourself on putting your attention outside…its just a matter of time …but you will get through for sure…

  311. louise Says:

    Annie Trey,well i woke this morning feeling a wee bitty rotton,decided to have a wee nosey on here and was chuffed to see yous had given me a wee “pat on the back”it was all i needed to say to myself- come on girl youve been doing well!!!!So although ive woke with some rogue adrenaline im not going to let it ruin my day,im going to get my nell mcandrew dvd on and try and rid myself of some of it and if that doesnt do the trick ive myself and the kids to get to asda(nightmare)Im definatly seeing days like this as a challenge and as i said before if i can get through it still smiling then im okwith that!!!Speak soon xx

  312. Candie Says:

    Hi Preety,

    Welcome to the blog :) Where abouts are you from and what are your interests? Its nice to get to know people on here too, so feel free to tell us a little bit about yourself

  313. Candie Says:

    OOooh India is a long way from me, im in the UK! Where abouts in India are u? I have a friend whos staying there for a gap year… she said its lovely. A few people have answered your questions Preety if you scroll up, Sasha and Lisa gave some good advice…… someone recently had the same queries and i think it would be good for you to read them as Paul gave some great advice which i think would benefit you.. if you scroll up on this post and look at a few of the replies to Jessica you will find some good info.

  314. lisa Says:

    louise, dont do the dvd because you want rid of it, do it because you want to do it, or your fighting again. i do my asda shopping on line now its great, no queues, no kids argueing..lol, i just dont buy the fresh meat from there because i like to see what im buying. how is your mate rachel from india candie? hope shes doing well with her new job? and married life. preety, the best reassurance you can get from anyone is from yourself!!! take a step back and think if i had a friend in my situation what advise would i give? and apply it to yourself.thats how your confidence and self belief grows :-)

  315. LORRYT Says:

    i have just read Sashas post, exactly what i need right now, as it keeps reinventing itself and i loose concentration very quickly, cant seem to hold a conversation without forgetting my words and coming across stupid, thoughts keep coming hard and fast and worry… well… i really have nothing to fret about other than my anxiety whcih i ithnk its exactly what im doing. im sort of sounding off a bit as im typing im working things out. i know im better, but thought i was further on than i was if you get me. i think i need ot go and re read pauls book and scarlets worry book. must have forgotten something. seems worry comes easily to me, and i cant accept it?..

    have a good day all and welcome Preety, you will get tonnes of advice on here, its very inspirational.xx

  316. lisa Says:

    lorry its just habit thats all hun xx :-)

  317. Candie Says:

    Lorry anxiety does this to everyone during recovery. Fear and apprehension will try to exhaust every avenue for a release before it retires for good! Just stick at what you have been doing that helped u feel better in yourself and eventually it will subside.

  318. LORRYT Says:

    just having a bad few weeks thats all i guess, its totally silly !.

    thanks guysxxxxxx

  319. lisa Says:

    thats good youv recognised that yourself, on n up lorry 😉

  320. Paul David Says:

    Lorry do this ‘Just see the slow thinking and odd thoughts as a tired mind’ you can almost feel the tiredness at times. Don’t feel the need to sort it out or make you feel better. I am not one for having loads of notes as you tend to rely on words to much but I do remember writing something that really helped me one day and it has always stuck with me.

    I woke up one day as usual feeling odd, my mind was very active, my attention seemed to be on me and I was just about to mentally try and make myself better, I will do this and I may feel better, what if I just let go, should I just get up and do this, the usual transcript to try and make myself feel better and then it was as though a light went on and I wrote on a piece of paper. ‘Your mind is tired so have it all there is no need to look for ways to make you feel better’ the ‘have it all’ was the part that said, carry this tiredness around with you, its o.k.

    From that day on things seemed so much easier as I could put all the oddness and laboured thinking down to this, I had an understanding that stopped me feeling a need to make myself feel o.k. I think when we don’t really understand it is our instinct to find a way to change how we feel, but this just tires our mind furthur, keeping us in the cycle.

    There really is no need to get up and check in how you are feeling, are we progressing, is there anything I can do. Just carry the tiredness around with you for a while and this will give it the break it needs.

    Hope that helps a little

    Also Annie that’s a great positive post and you sum it up when you say ‘When we do something that fills us with dread it is never as bad as we perceive it to be’ this is true as anxiety builds a distorted picture. I get emailed a lot from people who say ‘Paul I went against my instinct to go for a meal with my partner, I went on the bus and thought I would feel awful and although some mild anxiety nothing happened, I then queued up at the bar for a drink and was fine and by the end of the meal I was so pleased with myself’ this is just an example, but no one has ever emailed me to say ‘It was worse than expected’

    I used to always go against my apprehension to go places and nothing ever did happen, like you say what can anyway? Once you go through these situations many times you don’t even think about them, even if I felt overwhelmed I was not bothered, I had been here many times and it was just a feeling that always calmed. I was telling Candie last week that all fear has a cut of point, its at that point where you feel like escaping that is crucial, I used to just allow myself to feel this and it always cut back to calm. It is like, o.k here is your flight or fight, if you don’t need it I will go back to normal. I realised that if I always lived to avoid these feelings nothing would ever change, I would be stuck in a life of avoidence.

    So don’t see these feelings as something to avoid, go towards these feelings, allow yourself to feel a bit of fear and apprehension, this is how to unmask it for what it is, just a feeling that always calms. It wont harm you, it wont build out of control, we wont faint or collapse, we will just begin to have a life again. I once said ‘o.k lets see what you have I am bored of avoiding now’ and it had nothing, o.k I still felt a bit of apprehension, but I did not go to a place of no return or run around wildly or collapse, nothing my subconcious had built up was true.


  321. Michelle Says:

    I asked a question about depression popping up in recovery earlier. I know depression is part of the whole anxiety thing, but is it normal for it to pop up during recovery? I had a great month, then the depression starts to come back, on and off. I ask because I came off my antidepressants in February, and I’m wondering if it is seperated from the anxiety, or perhaps I really do have depression and should really be back on the tablets. I don’t want to spiral out of control. Does any of that make any sense?

  322. Candie Says:

    Hi Michelle

    It is normal to still feel anxious and depressed during recovery yes, some people have brilliant weeks or months then get setbacks- its all part and parcel im afraid. The fact u had a good month tells u that your doing well, so dont worry about this blip in recovery- it will soon subside.

  323. Nikki Says:

    Hi I’m having a real bad day today. I have been really well for a while then after a real tireing dayat work tuesday the anxiety has crept back to a level I have’nt felt for a while, which is ok, I dont mind the physical symptoms.I have never run away from them or done or not done something because of how I feel I knew early on to go against my feelings and continue as normal. What does appear to bother me however is this irrational fear of depression.This is a new anxiety thought that keeps returning.I have seen my doctor and I know I am not depressed,I even checked out the symptoms and signs of depression,I dont have them.I get up every morning shower do my hair ,make-up,pick an outfit (i’v always been quite vain lol).I go every where at will and dont feel like I want to stop in or hide away in fact i’m meeting an old friend at the pub tonight and I have no anxiety about going but my anxiety thought keeps saying “ahh but perhaps you are trying to cover up perhaps you really are depressed”. If i’m laughing the same thought reappears. I do cut it off now when it comes but it seems to be living with me at the back of my mind today and its tireing me I have tried thinking ” so what if I get depressed what does it matter,I’l just see the doctor ” but this does not seem to pacify. Has anyone any advice or support .Thanks

  324. Fiona Says:

    Hi Nikki, your approach to anxiety is the exact same as mine. I never really felt depressed and went about as normal no matter how anxious i felt i.e work, socialising, shopping, hair and make up etc. At one point yeah i definatley worried about depression, going schizo and other type of mental health problems. But guess what it never happened!!! I worried about it, scared myself stiff about it but it never happened. I believe that anxiety and depression are different. Anxiety is to do with the realease of the chemical adrenaline by your nervous system and depression is a change in brain chemistry. Hence the reason ADs never work for anxiety sufferers.
    Your current problem is that depression is your number one thing to worry about!
    Your not depressed and wont become depressed. You might get a bit naffed off with how you feel but thats it.
    Anxiety makes us worry, when we are anxious we need something to worry about or there is no reason to be anxious. We often create a problem to give something to focus the unexpected panic spasms on and this is how we create various worries.
    Try and let it go, it wont be easy and it will take a bit of time, but try and let your thoughts flow, try not to let any particular one stick. There will always be one that is more prominent at any one time but just ignore it and treat it with a relaxed attitude. Choose not to investigate it or fight it and let yor thoughts flow and eventually you will stop having big scary thoughts. Hope this helps
    Fiona xxxxx

  325. Nikki Says:

    Thanks fiona that has helped alot to know someone else has the same approach as me. The thought itself goes I know i feel anxiety but WHAT IF……it starts to get you down and you develop depression haha. Its the big what if again. What you said makes perfect sense I know I wont get depressed because i’m not i have come such a long way I wasnt depressed when i was really bad with anxiety there is no reason why I should get it now. Thanks for helping me to clarify thats all i needed. I will take your advice and just let it be. Thank you for replying x x x

  326. louise Says:

    Hi everyone,im totally fed up!!!I posted this morning and was feeling quite positive but hey presto!!!!Im soooo hopless in social situations i make people feel uncomfortable.Paul i thought your advice above was brill but to be a pest i have this issue-normally with anxiety you get yourself in a pickle over a social event etc..but in the end its never as bad as feared,well with me it is!!I look back on the event with dismay,i feel so utterley awful,today during a conversation i thought i was going to burst into tears and tell the person how i was feeling,how can i look back on this positivly???Im so annoyed right now,im again starting to believe im just a misfit,its like i know what ive got to do,manage to do it sometimes but cant maintain it!Inward thinking has went all day as has dp and racing thoughts i just want to be normal i cant take feeling this anymore!Sorry to rabble on,im just glad ive got this site to offload,dont know what id do otherwise.xxhopefully feel better tomorrow.

  327. Katie Says:

    Trez, you really made me smile. You have become so positive and its great to see! You have gone from seeking advice about your way of thinking to now giving advice and that is a massive step and definately on the right track in such a short space. You really have taken our advise on board and it really does work doesn’t it?Really pleased for you!

  328. Paul David Says:

    O.k Louise I will answer your question, I also felt utterly overwhelmed at times, but as I say you did it, you may have felt bleeding awful, but nothing happened that harmed you. You are at a very sensitised state at the moment and you will get an exagarrated rection to something that maybe normal to others, I did too, but I let myself feel it all and did not care or run over how each situation went, you have probably gone home and questioned it all, convincing yourself you are a failure.

    I felt awful and shakey at times, but I always got through it, I expected to feel this way so it was o.k. What you have done is expected to feel normal and then got dissapointed that you did not, I said let yourself feel it all, the shakyness, the apprehension, the weirdness. I never said you would not and trust me you are not a failure, all you have done is thought I want to feel good when I talk and meet people and now because you did not you have felt like bursting into tears, ‘why am I like this?’, ‘why can’t I be the person I was before?’, ‘I am a failure’. Again you wont feel great straight away, you may have to go through these feelings many times, but just stick with it and be proud that you did. So today should have gone ‘I felt dreadful today but nothing bad happened, I am sensitised so I don’t expect to feel any different, the more I practice the easier things will get. People in a healthy body can have certain fears, maybe its talking in public, but the more they do it, the easier it gets.

    The biggest failing from anyone on this blog is people want the answer to make it all go away, they want this miracle where they wake up and for them to be the person they were before anxiety came along.

    Remember Louise it does not matter how you feel, your nerves are sensitised and you may feel abnormal reactions to certain situations, that’s o.k the more you do the more it will begin to feel normal and you build some insulation.

    A woman once emailed me saying somthing similar and I gave her the advice above and she said your right, I am sensitised so I am going to feel this way and Paul I felt anxious today and stumbled my words but that’s o.k now, I have realised that, before I went home and felt sorry for myself, wondered why I could not get through something that was so easy before.

    Louise what you are doing is getting upset and frustrated that you are not the person you was and are becoming tearful because of this, you want everything to work out perfect otherwise you feel a failure. I repeat expect to feel like this and don’t care, this may also give you a little freedom.

    Hope that helps.


  329. Ben Says:


    I know where you are coming from I feel exactly the same sometimes. I went out tonight feeling a bit anxious and as soon as I got there I felt a damn sight worse, even to the point of wanting to run away. The point is though, I still went out (even though it would have been easier to stay in and “chill”) and made myself do it. I always think when I am making a decision to do something, do I not want to do this because there is a valid reason ? or do I not want to do it because of anxiety ? If it is because of the latter, I do it regardless. There is no way on earth I will let this shape my behaviour regardless of what actaully happens. Look back on the event as you actaully went there and did it rather than avoid it. As Paul always says, anxiety loves avoidance… and it loves it with a passion in my opinion.

    I’ve fcked up a few times recently, but I’m making sure I don’t try to analyse it and overthink it. It’s bloody hard believe me, but remember when you say you can’t take it anymore it is only a feeling. Can you really not take it anymore in the grand scheme of things ? I know this may sound harsh but sometimes it is useful to get it into context and ask yourself are these physical feelings so painful ? I’m sure you’ll find they aren’t really if you think about it.

    Paul’s methodology is counter intuitive, you have to really try and let go and give it a chance. As soon as you start questioning your behaviour and what people might think of you, you need to nip it in the bud and concentrate on something else (i.e. don’t give the thoughts anytime/attention).


  330. louise Says:

    PAUL/BEN thankyou so much for replying ive been a total mess since yesterday lunchtime.Its madness i feel better today,but there you go thats the nature of anxiety i guess, and i suppose if anything it does prove that you always CALM down,you never reach that point of no return,although yesterday i was convinced thats where i was headed,wherever that may be !!Paul your advice was music to my ears,im going into situations with the wrong attitude,yesterday before a social occasion(if you could even call it that)i built myself up something awful i was telling myself ive got to do this ive got to prove to myself and this person im ok im getting better!!I never for one minute accepted the fact i probably would feel awful,at the end of the liason i kicked myself up and down for feeling dp and inward thinking etc etc…Looking back now i should have praised myself for feeling awful but managing to get through it,keeping my voice level,still asking questions being interested in the conversation…i did well considering!!!I feel im now at the point of thinking that you can NEVER get complacent with anxiety youve got to wake each morning (and without fghting)face it head on, challenge yourself socially etc etc interact keep yourself busy do anything but sit and think about anxiety!!I havent been doing this the past couple of days and i think selfpity crept up on me and anxiety will grab hold of anything causeing war in your head!Im going to focus this weekend on keeping myself motivated,talking to people and not dwelling on any of the thoughts ive been having lately!I think ive maybe been underestimating my anxiety my mind is obviosly very tired and its going to take more time than i thought to heal,knowing this i wont be so hard on myself in future.Thanx again for lending me your ear and taking the time out to help xx

  331. Candie Says:

    Louise i used to be exactly the same. Going into the situations wanting to prove to myself i could feel normal in them, and then when i didnt i would rumernate for days after and be so anxious. I realised in the end that that apprehension was going to be around for a while, the only way for it to lift was to go into the situation and face the fear and feelings. Now if you feel apprehension that is fine, the does not mean anything bad- the only thing that matters is you see the situation through with the right attitude. After doing this for a while your nerves will respond differantly to the situation. Some times its easy, others you may feel fear again- but it tapers of eventually. Just dont expect because you are putting yourself in the situations to feel fine straight away, i did that for ages and got fed up with myself and distressed. Acceptance is not about facing a situation and trying to prove a normal reaction to yourself, its about going into that situation with a whatever attitude and accepting that if you ‘over react and feel anxious’ so be it- let go of the control of wanting to fix this and it will fix itself.

    Also, focus helps too- when you feel inward, accept this- but try to involve yourself in outward thinking….. it shouldnt take effort, just take note of the detail around you, if your outside concentrate on the birds singing, the smells… what you can see etc. Lisa told me about this, it helps to shift focus from inward thinking and gradually you think more outward and in the moment.

  332. Paul David Says:

    No problem Louise I am glad it helped, the more you build things up to have to go perfect, the more you watch and put expectations on yourself, then when you feel it is not going as you wanted the whole fighting to get through the situation starts. I was the same and then I thouuhgt I don’t care anymore how things go, they probably wont go to well and I may feel a bit anxious and stumble my words, but do you see then how I have a relaxed attitude and anxiety does not build and this is when things went so much better, I had not put pressure on myself for things to go perfect, I had no expectations and as Ben said…..I know this may sound harsh but sometimes it is useful to get it into context and ask yourself are these physical feelings so painful ? I’m sure you’ll find they aren’t really if you think about it.

    Good wise words Ben and a great attitude you have to how you feel, you know there maybe some up and down days but you are willing and ready for that.


  333. Tracey Says:

    I have a question about alcohol…on days when you feel okay but not great, is it a good idea to have a drink? I’m going out tonight so I was just wondering because I don’t want to make things worse or anything.

  334. lisa Says:

    tracey, your worrying before youv had that drink? will i be ok? will i be rough if i have a drink? will it make my anxiety worse? get yourself ready and get yourself out hun. just dont go and get totally wrecked..lol, go with the flow of the night and enjoy yourself, have a glass or two of water before you go to bed, and make sure you have some tea , dont drink on an empty tummy. ;-). have a good night hun 😉

  335. Tracey Says:

    lol thanks Lisa…I know I worry and don’t even realize when i’m doing it sometimes haha

  336. lisa Says:

    preety it was a thought, just a thought! it might help you to read pauls post on thoughts again. :-)

  337. lisa Says:

    no worries tracey.. you dont always notice yourself until someone points it out, i used to be the same..lol, let your hair down and have a fab nite xx

  338. Paul David Says:

    If anyone notices a few post deleted, then this is because someone has been coming on under two different names, presumely to get twice as much advice and it is denying other people of help and support. This is the second time someone has come on under two different names, it is totally obvious to me as the posts are coming from the same i.p addresses. As its happened twice I just wanted to ask people from refraining from doing this otherwise they will be unable to post in the future.

    Thanks Paul

  339. Candie Says:

    Well everyone- i have just finished my baking! Went pretty well actually, baked some lemon fairy buns and made a pizza- all tastes lovely! Was a bit bored as its really dull and raining in Hull today, so thought i would occupy myself for a few hours 😀 I’m thinking of making some chocolate cornflake buns too, anyone know if normal cadbury chocolate would be ok to use? Someone got me the biggest bar ever for easter and could do with using it up before i stuff my face on the lot!

    What has everyone got planned for this easter weekend? Im hoping to go see a film myself. You gonna be dancing on any tables again Lisa? :p hahah

  340. lisa Says:

    hi candie, your fine to use to use normal cadburys chocolate as long as you dont let it bubble, they taste better as well. oohhh im drooling at the thought of them now..lol. im out on easter sunday night, its my friends birthday,wev organised a suprise party and a cake, she will kill me if she finds out hehehe. theres a disco on in one pub and a karaoke on in another pub so hoping for a good night. i hope tracey is all ready and hitting the town soon, have a coke for me hun 😉

  341. lisa Says:

    bloody hell paul, just read your post, thats just selfish. well theres only one of me ..lol. have a lovely easter mate and dont make yourself sick with all them easter eggs..lol. have a lovely easter everyone 😉

  342. mac Says:

    hey everyone, i have had anxiety now for about 3 years straight. right now i feel like i jsut live through my head and can;t get out of it. It feels like i am thinking and just can;t move on. iam trying to let everything be and say whatever tomy thoughts and feeling but the feelings are sooo overpowering that its hard to ignore them. right now i have the feeling in my head that feels like pins and needles and i walk around with this feeling not trying to pay attention to it but i can’t hel pit so i worry, does anyone else get a feeling like this and how do u learn to jsut let everything be and move on when everyhthing seems like a struggle to concentrate without reverting back to yourself 24/7???? thank you

  343. mac Says:

    or should i say more like a tingling feeling around my eyes and cheek from my inward thinking if that helps anybody????

  344. Michelle Says:

    I get the same thing, Mac. I’ve had this feeling for about 16 months now, and it’s even there when I feel absolutely no other symptom. There have been maybe 5 days I didn’t notice it. But once I thought about how nice it was to not have it, it came back– so I know it must be tied to the anxiety. It makes it hard for me to ignore too– but I sure try. I try to think.. if this is the most I have, I can deal with it and try to ignore it. But it’s a constant reminder which makes it hard to forget the rest of it. I know what you mean though, some times it’s so intense it takes your attention whether you would like to ignore it or not. I know that I feel worse when the tingling is worse, so it must be our outlet for the anxiety.

    It is of some comfort to know someone else suffers the same thing, isn’t it? I do wish I could tell you how to get rid of it, but hopefully once we’re all healed, it will be gone too.

  345. Kashawn Says:

    Hey Mac

    I understand how you feel exactly. The feeling your mentioning is just one of the many anxiety symptoms. Your post gives me the impression that your very bothered by the feelings and you mention how your attention is on you 24/7-all I can say is to let it all be, let all the attention be on you, and let your body rage with all the symptoms-the best possible way to attempt to take your mind off yourself is to simply do a task; reading is the best for me- although your attention will sometimes still be on you it will give your mind a new focus; trust me sitting at home thinking about yourself will only make you feel worse.

    And please try to not look at anxiety as a monster, its something totally normal for the circumstances u have gone through. So just be and try to live as normal as possible-things will come together in time, keep the faith.

    I just want to say once we really understand anxiety we truly have an attitude change as Paul says; this attitude change took a while for me to grasp but once you understand, this anxiety experience is just another page to be turned–keep the faith and keep the effort to understand; anxiety recovery is a process and one day it all falls into place!!!

    All the best to everyone

  346. mac Says:

    well thank both of u sooo much, this feeling over having it 24/7 and this pins and beedles feeling is comforting to know that other people have not that its a good thing. but thank you so much, i jsut want to live normal but the constant tuning into myself iss soooo tough to ignore but i will try to just say hey this is me for now and move on…. no harm has been done to me so jsut ignore it. thank you soo much

  347. teresa Says:

    Hi All
    Been trying to focus on life outside the anxiety bubble – it has been an up down affair over the last week, but enough positive thinking to keep the faith and that’s the biggest thing. Had a bad night last night and then it’s as if the scales weigh heavier on the ‘bad’ side and the doubting etc come in. I have to say that the help you all give is such a spur on to the rest of us – it is what really keeps the faith going and the TRUE belief that there is 100% recovery from this.

    Yes, I know the fizzy feeling in your face/ head it does fizzle (as Candie) said when you lose your fear of it, I know it sounds like catch 22 or chicken and egg – but once you notice it disappear once, the knowledge is wired in, it won’t stay away completely but when it comes back you have less respect for it and eventually (I believe) you have no respect for it at all – and that’s when it goes.

    During the week when I had stronger thought patterns I felt as if a ‘penny was dropping’ – Am I right in believing , it is not the symptoms that are the problem (although they are not nice and sometimes frightening) – it is fear that is the problem. That’s why when one problem goes within a short space of time something else comes. It’s whatever grabs your attention in the biggest way and then the fear attaches itself to it – am I right? So the road to recovery has to be a loss of fear of fear, relearning how not to overreact? At the moment somedyas it makes sense and other it doesn’t but the facts are there and just like learning for an exam it does not all make sense the first time you read it.

    Loved reading about Candie’s cake making afternoon, although the sun has been shining here in Wales (it always shines in Wales, LOL).

    Hope you had a good night out Tracey, I did what you were doing for years, and did not want to go anywhere like parties – think Lisa gave you wunderful advice, well done Lisa.

    Paul and Mike, have not congratulated you on your run yet – but well done you are an absolute inspiration to us all.

    Kashwan, your posts are always helpful.

    All – take care, keep keeping the faith (as they say) and have a good day. X

  348. Paul David Says:

    Kashwan you are right, we seem to muddle through and then it all slots into place, like a light comes on and we stop letting how we feel rule our life, it does not seem important anymore and that comes with a good understanding, when you understand something, a lot of fear and bewliderment goes, we stop worrying and obsessing so much. I have said it before, but someone once said when did you know you had recovered and I said when the feelings no longer bothered me, I knew then that I would recover.

    Teresa thank you and it was a great day.

  349. lisa Says:

    thanks teresa thats really kind, its only because i did it myself, i wouldnt go shopping, pub, parents evening, school, even the bath..lol , i can laugh now. tracey hope you had a good night hun, was thinking about you. post and let us no if your not to rough.lol 😉

  350. Candie Says:

    Teresa you have grasped this perfectly now! Thats exactly right yes, so when you are anxious and have thoughts/feelings- the trick is to not over react to that moment, just go with the flow and accept your sensitized. Dont go into situations demanding anything of yourself, i would get myself wound up for a long time because i couldnt react normally to certain things- but thats the wrong thing to do as you are creating an issue in your mind of that situation and each time you go back to it you feel like a failour. When you dont expect anything of yourself, accept what you feel and dont focus too much on the fear- your nerves can see fear and anxiety for what it is, an exagerated response caused by a sensitized state. Where people go wrong is they feel good for a few days, then the feelings of anxiety return and they feel hopeless as they cant react normally again- but you have to keep re-inforcing the new attitude and things subside. Your doing great Teresa, if you are noticing these things on the bad days you deffinately are on track- its not easy at first, but it does become easy and second nature eventually.

  351. mac Says:

    yeah i think im understanding the fear of fear, for the past 3 years i felt like i was living in my head and didnt care about my family and friends. all i cared about was myself and how i felt and then 3 days ago i get this tingling feeling in my face and now all i think about is that because i blow it all out of porportion because i think ofthe worst and what if its notmy anxiety. im fearing this new symptom when all it is is anxiety. i have to stop thinking baout it and just say ahhh its ok and just move on. its amazing how something so litle can turn into a big problem jsut like tha tif you let it.

  352. Candie Says:

    Hi Mac
    The tingling sensations are very common with anxiety, i have had them in my face, lips and on my legs. Now what you need to see is that this feeling will be there regardless and u have let it become an issue aswell, when it comes u need to let your exagerated fear of it rage and the anxiety be there- dont try to control it, just dont focus on the what ifs. Sure the what ifs will come, its only natural with anxiety…. just dont pay them too much attention. Anxiety can only ever be as big as u make it, u create your own reactions and attitude to it…. your attitude and reaction is key to coming through this. If you feel the tingling just see it as your nerves been too alert, dont try to stop thinking about it, just dont focus all your energy on it either. Let the anxiety and any symptoms be there, you dont have to be content with them, just be comfortable with the fact they may be around for a while whiles you recover. Anxiety can be in the background of your life during recovery if you have the right attitude, it need not be your daily focus.

  353. Tracey Says:

    Hey everyone, I did have a great night last night..me and my boyfriend had lots of fun and right now i’m drinking my tea and feeling pretty good. Candie, your post was exactly what i finally understand. As I have had some bad hours this week–not days, for once, so I can tell I am getting better as my setbacks don’t last as long as they used to. But during the bad hours I saw that I have been overreacting to my reaction and then reading into the reaction, overanalyzing and adding other thoughts and then reacting to that ..when really like you’ve been saying its anxiety and sensitized nerves and I was going in a circle. I see now that my bad habits and memory of the thoughts will be there for awhile, as long as I don’t overreact and just let flow they will leave me easier. Thank you for all the advice everyone has given me on this blog :)

  354. lisa Says:

    nice one tracey 😉

  355. teresa Says:

    Thanks Candie , you are a star!!!! I have spent years lurching from good days to oh my gawd it’s here again (or is it something else). It’s all making sense through Paul’s book and the blog, I know you know how hard it is cos you’ve been there but you can’t under estimate the help you’re all giving to pull others through this. What you say about the tingling/burning is true, it does turn up in many areas, centre of forehead is a favourite, top of head and the one that seems to have got me perplexed over the last year was my mouth – it did not click that it was anxiety along with odd times of biting my tongue when asleep. I have found this the most distressing and was convinced it was with me ‘for life’ – the fear of course exaggerating it – I’ve even been scared to mention it as it would make it real. since reading Paul’s book and coming on the blog I have realised it will go, it does not happen so often (I still get upset when it does but try not to get over involved in it by adding to the incident with further fear). So when I’m feeling strong I have understood I don’t find it as terrible a thing to think about as when I’m frightened – therefore being frightened is making me look at in a way that exaggerates the problem and that it turn frightens me more. So, I think I am getting there – just as has been said, it won’t come over night and it’s like peeling the layers of an onion away. Hope everyone enjoyed the chocolate cakes. And – thank you.
    Tracey, glad you let your hair down and left anxiety at home for the night – good on you X
    Lisa – Yeh me too, turned from being out going fun person to be with to be frightened to go out, eat certain things, parents nights, holidays… I’m a lot better than I used to be but I developed a bad habit of coping which still meant having anxiety, living with it and finding ways around it – phrases, books, anything that would stop me from feeling whatever the feeling was at the time. It left me feeling quite sorry for myself internally at times as really I wanted to get out there and be ‘me’ – I thought I was like this for life, a cross I had to carry… until I came across you ‘lot’ (LOL), I don’t think like that now. I get my moments, doubts fears, but you’re all keeping me on the right road – and in time I will get 100% recovery, to quote Mike.
    This was only supposed to be a quick ‘Thanks’ and I have rambled, but think it all makes sense.

  356. Michelle Says:

    I love that I have this place to go when I need a pick me up. Things are so much easier to grasp and handle when the symptoms are in check. When they come back, I– for the life of me– feel like I’ve never had any good days at all, which is untrue. I do have good days, sometimes great days. Never 100%, but so close I could live with it. But when a bad day (or week ) pops up, I would swear I never had a good day. I wish I could remember things do get better during the bad days, so it would help get me through.

    Then I remember y’all over here, and hearing your triumphs makes me know I will have mine as well. Thank you!

  357. Stephen Says:

    Hi Paul,

    When you said ” when did you know you had recovered and I said when the feelings no longer bothered me, I knew then that I would recover.”

    Is this because these feelings just didnt bother you anymore, so you gave them no attention and because you didnt react at all to them they simply dissapeared?

    And when someone would upset you making you feel a little irritable and down, or if u just had a bad day like everyone has you just treated it as you would have pre-anxiety without thinking its anxiety.?

    My biggest downfall is attaching anxiety to normal feelings. like when im out and and tired i ask my self why arnt i as lively as the rest of my friends and think its my anxiety and im werid when its just me being tired. im still recovering very well however. Hope everyone has a fabulous easter!


  358. mik.e Says:

    happy easter everyone. im up in newcastle staying with family. nice sunny day. hope everyone okay.
    have a guddun x.

  359. Katie Says:

    Happy Easter everyone!gonna eat loadsa chocolate today i think and go to the park and feed the ducks with my daughter-make the most of this beautiful weather!
    teresa, you sound so much more positive,really pleased for you, you’re definately on the right track!!
    Michelle, think of setbacks as something you have to go through to make you one step closer to recovery. I know during the time you have one you feel a little crappy for it, but when they pass, and they ALWAYS pass,you realise that they are not as bad as what you think they are and you feel actually that bit better and stronger for it. Keep thinking, ‘oh well, another setback, do your thing if you want to,’ each time you feel a bit negative about it and this reaction will make it subside quicker.

  360. mac Says:

    i guess the question is how to u not concentrate on all these weird thoughts and the tingling feelings when they are soo overpowering and you are sooo aware of them and fed up with them. it is so tough because all you want to do is focus on them especially since it has been my habit for a few years…. i tell myself to jsut relax and let everything be even if it takes a while but i just go right on focus on my thoughts and sensations…. i know what im suppose to do but how to u not focus on these????

  361. Brendan Says:

    Hello all, hope your all having a wonderful Easter! :) Well I just wanted to leave a comment on the blog as I to believe I have suffered from anxiety. Sorry if I go on to much. Well it happened about 1 month 3 weeks ago I was just at home on my laptop and I noticed a few day’s in that week I seemed to be taking random deep breath. Well this night I then had a funny turn ( all so random ) I felt my heart was going really fast and felt dizzy was thinking I was going to black out, I started to get worried but lucky for me my friend was with me and managed to relax me, but I just felt my heart was running fast my pulse was fast, I decided to go to A&E as I just got so freaked by it, after waiting 3- 4 hrs I was seen by the nurse and went over what happened. The doctor then came to see me and connected me to some machine to look at my heart, then they checked my lungs – blood sugar – blood pressure all came back normal. I was sent home. I left it a month before going to see my GP during that month I had 4 smaller feeling of anxiety attacks even just meeting a friend for coffee! , well two weeks ago I went to my GP as I just felt I should and told him what happened and he did not seem to bothered , I had a list of my symptoms, he asked me a few questions about life style and work and if I am stressed by work etc that I am not stressed at all by work, but in life we will always come by stressful moments thats life. Well for some reason he sent me back to A*E the doctor this time said my symptoms seem to be of anxiety and that he will contact my GP in order to run a blood test to test for something ( I cant remember the name ) but its in connection with something being released into the blood and making the body run faster, if i was found to have it then they will give me meds to help, anyway went back to GP but I was seen by another GP who was a lot better, however the doctor from A&E never contacted them :( well my GP arranged my blood test and it was to test for everything, he also recommended swimming to relax, not a fan of london swimming pools. lol anyway the results came back and all is normal, I just don’t understand even now I seem to take deep breaths not ever moment tho, I was out last night for a friends bday and i felt normal like how i used to feel, I just feel a tad bit lost, I have not had any anxiety attacks this month. but still have this feeling in me. Be great to hear from anyone!

    Oh I’m a 28 year old male!

    Sorry its sooooo long!


  362. Shirley D Says:

    Mmmm. Brendan. It’s very odd how anxiety can hit out of the blue, there has to be a build up for some time for it to spill over the top, you don’t have to have concsious thought’s for it to happen, i suppose what i am saying is that when i was piling a lot of things into my box and thinking they didn’t bother me, they appeared as anxiety.
    I have learnt that A and E can’t help you, you are also very lucky to find a Doctor who understands, i don’t think symptoms show up in blood tests, it’s all in the mind. So you have been diagnosed with anxiety, everyone on here is suffering to a certain degree but please don’t let it take over your life.
    When i started with mine i didn’t know which way to turn, i had suffered with panic attacks before and knew what they did to me but anxiety threw out a whole load of new symptoms.
    I am fully recovered and everyone else can too. It’s just mind over matter, you said that you felt ok at the birthday party, that’s great news but even thinking that you felt ok was paying attention to how you could have been feeling, this is a sure way for the symptoms to bother you.
    I found this site and it was my saviour, i read nearly every page and whilst my Doctor had mentioned the anxiety word, it was a stepping stone to a diagnosis but it was me that found this website – not the Doctor, it wa me who had a hand in getting better and i hope that you will continue on the road to recovery because it is there in your grasp.

  363. Michelle Says:

    That’s the part I have such a problem with, Shirley. I’m always seeing how I’m feeling, and I just don’t know how to stop. When I notice I’m thinking about it, I try to think of something else, but I’m always comparing today to yesterday and hoping tomorrow will be better. Please, any tips on just forgetting about it would be so appreciated.

  364. Kashawn Says:

    Hi Michelle,

    That habit about always thinking about yourself is normal; since your nerves are tired you feel all the symptoms of anxiety. The way out of “not thinking about yourself” is too truly just be, let all the thinking happen, let all the attention be on you, just try your best to focus on the task your doing with the anxiety attention on you. You see, your nerves are tired and react easily to adrenaline. So the habit of paying close attention to yourself has grown; but if you truly just “live on” the best you can without adding thoughts or questions to your anxiety feelings, your nerves heal and the the habit of the attention being on you fades in time. So just know as your nerves heal that “attention on you” habit fades away, time will show you:)
    And trust me, do not compare yesterday to today and other days because honestly it doesnt matter, you can have 1 awesome week then suddenly have an hour of strong symptoms, its truly an up and down process that takes care of it self, just keep living and focusing outward despite how you feel.

    All the best

  365. Shirley D Says:

    Yes indeed, Lets compare having a cold, you have the headache, sore throat and you concentrate on them because they make you feel uncomfortable, as the days move on, the symptoms improve and you pay them less attention – the natural process of getting better, then you wake up one morning and they’ve gone altogether, that is how anxiety should be – not saying that getting better is instant, certain circumstances will dictate how you feel on a particular day but if you pay things attention they will be uppermost in your mind and then it’s hard to let go. I was amazed how quickly mine went but i went through like a bereavement, because i didn’t have the symptoms any more (as they slowly left me one by one) i kept looking for them – it was really weird!

  366. Brendan Says:

    Hey , thanks for you’re reply, My GP has not diagnosed me he has not said you are suffering with it but its all in the mind and that I need to relax. It was the doctor at A&E who said he believes it to be Anxiety and he wanted to my GP to run blood test, but blood test all came back normal, I have been getting on with life as normal but I just really hate it when I get that feeling, I know that I can not let it get the best of me thats for sure but I get hacked off that I know something is wrong/ different with me. I guess I just have to deal with it. My GP told me its all in the mind and you have to relax, he even said to go swimming , but i would prefer to go for a jog. I dont really want to go on meds as I have heard they can be additive and side effects .

  367. Brendan Says:

    Hey Shirley, thanks for you’re reply,… I will definitely try not to think about it, mind over matter , even my GP said that to me. It’s strange how the mind works, This is a really good webpage as its all each person’s story and experience. Thanks again and good luck to all !

  368. Michelle Says:

    Thank you for your replies. I will sure do my best– I’ve got to stop the “what ifs.”

  369. Bev Says:

    Hi Everyone,
    hope you all had a great Easter! I have been feeling so much better lately! With all of your help and advice, I decided to force myself to get out and do the things that I used to do when I felt normal. It’s been great. I made a deal with myself to never turn down an invite to do anything because of my anxiety. I’ve been very active – biking and running. I went out for a beer with friends the other night, and it was fine! The other thing that has changed is that I am finally getting the whole attitude shift thing. I no longer see anxiety as an enemy. Before – the slightest physical symtom would distress me so much. The “what ifs” started, and I truly believed that anxiety was somehow going to do me in – that I would never be myself again and this was something that I had to fight. Now I understand that anxiety is a normal reaction and that it is there trying to protect me! It is a warning sign to tell me that maybe I am ignoring something that I don’t feel right about, or maybe I am putting too much stress on myself or over-scheduling myself. But regardless, it is my ally. In the past I had terrible insomnia due to my anxiety. I’ve been sleeping much better, but I still wake up each morning very early. But it no longer bothers me! I’m not lying there ruminating about my anxiety or stressing about not being able to sleep. I enjoy lying in my bed, and I pick up my book and read for a while, and usually, I can go back to sleep! This never used to happen.
    Anyhow, I want to say thank you to everyone on this site for their help and encouragement. I plan to continue to improve. But if I have a setback, that’s ok too. I truly know now that I will get 100% better, and I don’t care if my anxiety symtoms return, because I no longer fear them.

  370. Michael . F Says:

    Hey all, I just wanted to know if anyone seems yarns more then normal or anyone that seems to notice them selfs taking a single deep breath ever now and then? I had an Anxiety attack last month, then 4 other smaller ones but I just seem to notice that when I am at home I take single seep breaths now and then… I had blood test all normal, and lungs heart blood pressure / sugars all cam back normal! Just wondering if it’s apart of having Anxiety.

    Thanks so much


  371. Kashawn Says:

    Hey Michael,

    Yes this is one symptom of Anxiety. Your nerves are tired and react overtly to the adrelanine reaching them so your heart rate increases; to compensate for this your body automatically takes deep breaths to lower your heart rate. Its normal, you’re body is doing its job. Just disregard all the anxiety feelings and go on with your tasks.

    all the best

  372. louise Says:

    Hey everyone.hope you all had a happyeaster!!Today,hasnt been so good for me,ive felt very anxious all day,took it to work with me and it stayed with me the whole shift,i had the whole shibang,anxiety,dp,jitteriness……………….you name it,it was there!!And it was one of those shifts where every man and their auntie was up for a conversation,i totally stumbled and stuttered through them all,wanted to run away,ground to open up and swallow me,i felt paranoid,like an open book!Anyway im home now lying on the couch with a cuppa an im thinking to myself-ok that was by far the WORSE ive felt in weeks,but i got through it,ive calmed down nothing untowards has happened to me,at the very most people may have noticed i wasnt at myself.What im trying to say is ive just gone through worse case scenario, totally and utterley!But if i can confidently say well hey,it happened but im still here.If i can addopt this attitude then surely through time the fear will leave me and ill truly start to recover.You know i 100% felt terrible but in the grand scale of things the grand scale of feeling AWFUL was it that bad,i dont think so!I was sure i couldnt ever feel that bad again,but im starting to believe ive got to go through feeling awful to start feeling better!Anyway im off to bed now im knackered with todays events speak soonxxxx

  373. mac Says:

    Hi everyone its Mac again…. i had one more question for anyone out there, i have had this tingling feeling in my face and arms now for around a week now and when i get up inthe morning its not there till i look for it with my inside thinking, does anyone else get it for that many days straight and i guess since its not there in the moring until i look for it that its jsut waiting to return because i am searching for it and my mind is sooo concerned with this feeling???? this feeling jsut came about. Before it was jsut my mind n myself 24/7 now i have developed this tingling sensation out of nowhere now im concentrated on this now. The cycle never seems to end. i would greatly appreciate it if someone would respond. thank you very much

  374. Bev Says:

    Hi Mac,
    I sometimes get tingling in my arms and hands when my anxiety was at its worst. It isn’t there when I wake up, but usually starts sometime in the late morning. Yes, this is all part of it, just another physical symptom as a result of an excess of adrenaline in your system.
    Don’t try to analyze why it’s there, it’s there because of the adrenaline, because of your anxiety. Let it happen and don’t be afraid of it.

  375. louise Says:

    Hey Mac i think you just answered the question yourself!!You look for it and hey presto!!I too suffer from tingling sensations,but its normally linked to a social situation when my adrenaline is pumping and im geared up for action(That never comes)lol!!Anyway mac this is just a sensation and it cant and wont do you any harm,take a step back and really allow yourself to FEEL this sensation,dont question it or try and run away from it,let it be there and through time you will see that it poses no danger,its annoying yes but accept it for the time being,embrace it and it will eventually leave you Hope this helps…xx

  376. mac Says:

    thank you everyone for the advice…. it weird becausei neevr used to get physical systems it was alwasy the mental side then the physical hit out of nowhere no im focuesed on that all the time, i will do my best and just let it be there and move on and take it day by day

  377. Katie Says:

    hiya Mac. I had the tingling sensations also-its a very common physical symptom!wot i found early on wen my anxiety started,is if the physical symptoms were there, i would focus on them and the mental symptoms wud die down.wen the physical symtoms wud fizzle out the mental symptoms wud rise again.it used to really bother me, and i wr definately stuck in a rut as i wud fret over wotever symptoms wr there. but now, way into recovery, i dont get phased by my symptoms.in fact physical symptoms very rarely pop up anymore.i still have the thoughts but they dont phase me either-i do have the odd ones that sometimes catch me off guard but i do let them be.i no they are the last to go really and i dont mind how long it takes!

    well, this time next week im bak in work :( i love having the school hols off,get used to being off work with grace!we have done lots of fun things these easter hols, been a busy bunny!lol. Painted my rabbit hutch this morning ready for my little bunnies!get them at the end of this month-cannot wait!

  378. colmc Says:

    hi paul,candie,
    great post paul,thats were i have been with my anxiety i seem to be just getting by over the last few years have some good days.every now and then i have a melt down .at the moment i have just had one cant stop crying and thinking very negative,i still fear anxiety and that is why i stay in the cycle i know this but it seems impossible not to fear it after the effect its had on the last 4 years of my life. Id love not to fear it.i just cant seem to get over the last hurdle .I also have my wedding in 5 weeks and im worrying ill be a mess for it.any advice would be great from anybody.

  379. Candie Says:

    Dont try to figure out how you wont be scared by the anxiety, beleive me its not an overnight thing where u just decide not to fear it. Its a slow process of retraining your mind to respond to the anxious thoughts and situations differantly and eventually you dont fear them. So dont pressure yourself to have the right reaction, feel the fear and accept it hasnt harmed u to begin with… let yourself recover dont try make it happen. The best way to move towards fear is to go into the situations that provoke it without getting angry at yourself for over reacting and been scared, let any anxiety wash over you- its something that needs to be done a lot, sometimes u’l be a bit anxious, sometimes overwelmed… either way afterwards u see that no harm came and the anxiety will gradually subside. Dont worry about how you will feel on your wedding day, just accept your going to feel anxious to some extent anyway (everyone does!)- you have coped well with this for 4 years, no harm has come to you other then your own over reaction… just dont get yourself worked up trying to banish yourself feeling anxious on the big day and things will be fine :)

    Mac, when we search for anxiety and check if symptoms are there because we fear them… often them will come. Its well known a lot of anxious responses are caused by the mind, its called psycho-semantics. Everybody experiences symptoms of this to some extent, like with pain- next time your in pain sit and dwell on it and you will see the pain reaction grows bigger and if u focus and obsess enough you can take a mild throbbing pain to something agonising! Amazing how the mind works eh :p Now ofcourse knowing this isnt going to stop the feelings coming as you fear them, so learn to live with them for a while and you will stop searching for them.

    Awww katie im jealous you have been painting! Did grace help? We didnt go to cinema as our temporary cards have ran out grrrr

  380. Katie Says:

    No way!!did u get ur proper cards through then?grace wr jus collecting stones in her little wheelbarrow!think ur right though-another coat is needed!n hardly any paint left!lol

  381. Ron S Says:

    Hi Paul:
    Belated congratulations for your preformance at the 10K run. I remember when I could run, my only goal was to complete the run without stopping. I could do a 10K in 55 minutes. Bad knee keeps me from running today; I do most of my exercise on a bicycle. Some of my symptoms have been subsiding; I can eat well and I do not feel as tired during the day eventhough I still only get about 3-4 hours of sleep each night. If I take anti-anxiety meds at bedtime I can sleep for about 6-7 hours, but I try not to take them very often for obvious reasons. I sometimes try a couple of glasses of wine and that will mellow the anxiety and get me to sleep but usually for only a few hours. But occasionally, the alcohol will contribute to my depression, so I watch that. Othertimes, I use herbal teas and a bowl of ice cream, but again, I only get 3-4 hours sleep. Does anyone have any suggestions that they have found useful in relieving insomnia? I guess my biggest concern is that I am alot older than most of the people who post on this site (I am 61) and feel I do not have as much time to spend on recovery, although, what choice do I have, I have to get through this. There are some incredible stories of hope and recovery on this site, so I am hopeful. I have gone through this process before and just concentrated living my life along side the anxiety but I had my wife as support. She has since passed away, so this time I have to do it on my own. I see a therapist usually every 3-4 weeks and sometimes she is helpful. I am trying to spend more time with my family and never turn down an invite to an activity. But getting back to normal living and filling each day with activities and life is the key. Thanks everyone for all of your great stories and posts. And thanks Paul for this great website.
    Ron S.

  382. mik.e Says:

    hi Colmc,
    same last year i had a wedding in south wales live in wigan and worried about going etc. stayed for 2 nights. anxious but everything went great on the day just dont worry about it and you will find that it will be no problem nearer time. (it ended up a free bar which helped!!!!) only jokin, but enjoyed the day and i had beaten anxiety again through non avoidence ALL THE BEST.
    hi ron. the age thing isnt important my friend we all want that full recovery and will achieve it by doing what we are just doing at the moment which is letting anxiety into our day and showing the thing no respect. sorry to hear about your loss ron, the blog will help you come through!

  383. Kashawn Says:

    Candie awesome post, you taught me about “psychosemantics”-I knew of its definition but never could figure out its name.

    Ron thank you for sharing your story. I think the best way to help with insomnia is excercise in the morning; Im sure you have been told this many times but I think its the best natural remedy to improve sleep. Try completing some exercise before 11am :) You are going to get through recovery, its just a matter of time and understanding and we are here to help!!!!

    All the best!!!

  384. colm Says:

    thanks candie i just feel a bit lost at the moment and so low in confidence does anyone think much of cbt i have done a bit and im thinking of doing more.

  385. mac Says:

    candie thank you for your post i really areppreciate it. as far as the mental side i feel like im constantly thinking and nothing at all takes my mind away. i mean nothing, even working out because im so focused on me and i dont even realize im doing it , its jsut a huge habit. how do i go about without letting it bother me and tuning in when i dont even realize i doing it to myself????

  386. sasha Says:

    Hi Paul,

    i have been doing quite ok lately but last two days were really bad…to add fuel to the fire saw a movie on bi polar…i got pretty scared after watching the movie..i know this has nothing to do with it but still for some assurance pls reply

  387. louise Says:

    Hey all,i must be starting to sound seriously bipolar by now(feel that way)After yesterday i hvent felt so bad today,these ups and downs are driving me mental!!To be honest im starting to fear that maybe this is just me.Full stop.I cant ever remember feeling comfortable in my own skin.People have actually told me that i come across very edgy!!This bothers me.I met some family i havent seen in years the other day and it went ok but i couldnt help watching them with envy,they all seemed so comfortable and relaxed.I so wish this could me!I liked these people but i know 100%that ill fear our next meet convinced that theyll “catch me out”and see me for what i am.Its sad because i do on occasion see glimpses of myself as a happy care free young woman,i just cant maintain this.Im trying to not give up hope and im trying to not fear but i do fear the times when i feel so strange and paranoid around people…its awful.I read all your stories and yoy talk of how “you where” ive always been this way,maybe born this way,bad genes i guess!I know im sounding dead negative but i have made strides since reading pauls book and finding this site,i just struggle with the notion that maybe this is just the way i am.Sorry to be all doom and gloom folk speak soon xx

  388. louise Says:

    Sasha must be something in the water eh??Sorry sweets im all the place as well just now im up one day and down the next,nature of anxiety.We may not all share the same symptoms sasha but we want to reach the same place so take solace in the fact your not alone and im pretty sure even somone more qualified would tell you to NOT watch those films they will scare you,theyd scare anyone nevermind someone with anxiety.Concentrate on Pauls advice and avoid looking into other things.Hope tomorrow is better xxxxx

  389. Cariad Says:

    Anxiety is a somewhat new experience for me and I am trying to learn and understand what I am experiencing. On this blog, I am reaching out to other anxiety suffers in order to learn and understand, but also to find comfort. I have been to my doctor three times seeking help but I have been told that a script is not whats wanted because my anxiety is probably related to menopause and it is a natural process. I just recently obtained a couselor and have only had three session. The periodic anxiety I feel though is not only harming me but is effecting all of my relationships, especially my dearest relationship with my new found lover. These periods of anxiety seem to develope in cycles and climax in an angry outburst. Allow me to describe the signs leading up to these outbursts and perhaps someone out there has the same experience and can give me some good advise.

    First, I dont want to eat. Beyond that actually, I cant eat. I will feel hungry but when I try to eat I simply cant.

    Second, I cant sleep. I am restless and bored. I may sleep a couple of hours but then I am up and wondering around the house. I can think of lots of things to do, but I dont want to do anything.

    Third, I become irritable, and start to worry about things. I especially begin to feel that lover is not paying enough attention to me and I begin to think something is wrong. My lover is very warm and affectionate.

    Fourth, I begin to fixate on my lover. Where is she, what is she doing, is she safe, is she in doubt about our relationship, does she love me, etc. I become obsessed with needing to hear from her. She has a very demanding and stressful job. We have only known each other a few months and started dating only a few weeks after we met.

    Fifth, I begin to feel a rapid heart rate. An indescribable feeling in my chest. I feel anger coming on and then when I hit the climax, I explode. I say hurtful things that I dont mean. I fall short of being violent, but I say very mean things.

    Finally, I feel exhausted and I may get a good night sleep, but not my lover because I have just leveled her.

    This cycle will last about a week and the last time was about six weeks ago. To my knowledge I have only experienced these cycle about three times in seven months. I may have experience them in milder forms before this and just havent realized it because I wasnt hurting any one. I normally am a very mellow person, very patient and understanding, loving and charitable. I normally let few things bother me. I try to put myself in the other persons shoe when I have a conflict and I try to understand their feelings.

    Now, I am wondering what I can do to salvage what left of my friendships and if possible save my relationship, or spare a future lover, if I have indeed lost the love of this woman that I care so much about.

  390. Ron S Says:

    Kashawn & Mik.e
    Thanks for your kind words, support and advice. I recently started back on my bicycle each morning. I work in the evening so I have most of the morning free. I can usually ride for one to two hours with no problem. It gets rid of alot of the adrenalin and usually freshens by mind. My one big hurdle is trying to regain my lust for the things I have always enjoyed like cooking and gardening. I am slowly making myself do these tasks no matter how I feel. It is not easy but I always enjoy the results. I am going away for the weekend with some of my family and I will be cooking one evening. It will be good practise.
    I feel fortunate that I found this site and get to participate in comforting correspondance. I wish everyone a quick recovery.
    Ron S

  391. teresa Says:

    Hi all
    Seems a few of us are back to be ‘doubting thomas’s’ again! Strange how everything ‘seems’ so much worse when the doubt kicks in – I suppose that in itself tells us that PERCEPTION of the problem is the biggest part of the problem. I am having a dip at the moment – and having difficulty getting my head right around it all. Yes Louise we all want to get to the same place and we are very lucky to have found this site and the people involved in it, there are plenty out there with no one to hold their hand through this so we have ‘courage and hope’ through that.
    Ron, sorry to hear about your loss, I’m no nipper either – just turned 50 and I have had this so long I thought I’d have to give up and accept that this was my ‘life sentence’ – then I cam across this site, only about 5 weeks ago (so I haven’t been here forever) – I have found it a great help and people are getting better all the time.
    I wonder if anyone who has recovered can help me – at the moment going through a bit of a purple patch and not feeling clever – I am learning that this is about my attitude towards my ‘feelings’/’Symptoms’ but as you know hope and faith is such a fragile flower early in recovery. I have scared myself at the moment and I’m looking for a bit of reassurance – I have mentioned before that over the last year I have to intermittently snatch/bite my tongue during sleep – I am even scared whilst mentioning it here that someone will come back with an answer that is going to make me even MORE frightened about it. Can you tell me that this will go when my anxiety lessens – I’m having great difficulty losing my fear of it – it does subside and then I get a fresh incident and back all the fears flood – what if this is me forever! I know even as I am typing this that that is the problem – my reaction to it and not the incident itself – I have been told by a dentist and doctor, it’s something people do , nothing to worry about but really I’m looking for reassurance, can anyone help me? I would be so grateful as this has really blown out of propotion and is stopping me moving forward.

    Thanks to all for your help and support X

  392. Candie Says:

    First of all, big happy birthday too Paul… bet you thought u got away with that didnt you eh 😛 Have a good day :)

    Teresa, Sasha- even if someone told you that your worries where irrational and nothing to worry about (which they are), it wouldnt stop you reacting to them as you have been doing. During recovery confidence and reassurance is something you need to apply yourself and learn as you go. No one can ever 100% promise you anything, true recovery is about coming through and learning for yourself. Reassurance else where is mostly a shortcut, i mean its fine to want to know things if u genuinley dont know them- however Teresa u said your Dentist and Doctor has already reassured you, yet it didnt work did it. No ammount of external reassurance is ever enough, to trually lose fear of something we have to embrace it and change our attitude towards it. Hope this makes sense, this is by no means a lecture- there are times i have hoped someone can just reassure away my anxiety… but it never happens. True recovery is about letting your body and mind heal itself- it can only do that when u accept that you may over react to certain things, u may feel scary feelings, think scary things for a while- its ok to do this as you have anxiety. Dont add that second fear of trying to figure it out and banish it, doing that is what blows an irrational fear up bigger.

  393. lisa Says:

    happy bday to you, happy bday to you, happy bday to paullllllll, happy bday to you, have a good one 😉

  394. lisa Says:

    teresa, i did post to someone about reassurance, and the best person to reassure you is yourself. i used to ask my husband a question, then ask my sister the same question, then my friend, even the bloody postman..lol but i got the same answer from all of them. when the worry or doubt arises take a step back and ask yourself, if a friend was asking me this what answer would i give him/her then apply that to yourself hun. candie is right, no external reassurance is working for you , the doctor the dentist, so face that fear and keep faceing it, you will laugh at it before long. :-)

  395. Tracey Says:

    I have read some of your past posts to other people and I just wanted to tell you they have helped me soo much. I have had a complete attitude change in this last week and a 1/2 and its amazing how fast it can happen when you just let things flow. Sure there are some things that can still give me a bit of an anxious reaction (as you know I have the obsessive thoughts like you did) but I haven’t been adding that second fear to it and that really does help. Before, without even realizing it I was adding thoughts after thoughts after thoughts and then scaring myself and then reading into it but I FINALLY got the strength to stop fighting the anxiety & stop reading into everything. It is funny how one day it can just click and it really did for me after I read a couple of your posts–i think it was from back in January. I wanted to say thank you and thank you to everyone else who has written some inspirational posts :)

  396. Tracey Says:

    I forgot to add, I have gone hours without any thoughts at all and it is truly amazing how much more clear my mind has gotten.

  397. Katie Says:

    Happy birthday paul!!!!

  398. louise Says:

    Hey everyone i was just wondering if theres anyone out there who can relate to having almost FULL BLOWN panic attacks in social situations.This has been happening to me for ages now and i find them getting worse.This is by far my biggest problem and although i do get the occasional obsessive thoughts etc i find the panic i feel when in social situations overbearing!Stupidly i googled this and was alarmed to find people still suffering fo years.I get so scared that i cant do anything about this,you see my dad and his sister commited suicide many many years ago and its only coming out now that they definatly suffered low self esteem and had major confidence issues.Im not in ANY way suicidal but i worry that maybe this is just the way i am.It would be soo reassuring to hear from others who find social sittuations terrifying.Speak soon xx

  399. Nikki Says:

    Hi all. I have been having some very strange days lately.I am almost myself again,I say almost because I still have lots of symptoms,mainly at night and in a morning,I know this because I am still looking for symptoms as soon as my eyes open.I can go hours without thinking about me or anxiety and I feel the same as I always did but then I will have a reminder thought “dont forget you have anxiety” and I will be back looking for symptoms ,checking how I feel and having obsessive thoughts. I let all of this flow through and dont follow and then I become myself again until next time. This can happen many times a day and although I dont fear feeling or thinking this way, I dont want to.So I am still bothered about how I am going to feel. I think I still see having anxiety as “a problem” and I am waiting for it to go away. I dont fear going out or living my life as normal I just cant wait to enjoy doing these things completely, I feel I am being held back . Does anyone else have this? I know it will fade in time but I need to stop seeing it all as a problem.

  400. mac Says:

    i understadn how u feel, i aslo havea problem where i say ok… im not gonan let this bother me andymore with the thinking and the feelings then within a matter of a minute here i am with my attetntion on myself again and then i fear it…. how do u just stop the attetntion from getting on yourself with out getting frustrated????, i guess 2 1/2 years of everyday thinking about your inward thinking really gets to me.. how do i stop the attention????

  401. Kashawn Says:

    Well it looks like its Paul’s birthday, HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! all the best !!!!! Thank you for helping me and millions of others :)

  402. Ben Says:


    It’s a good point – I have been wondering it too. It was only the other day that I really realised how little attention I pay to the outside world. No wonder I miss important pieces of conversations, don’t follow plots in films, can’t remember a page of text that I have just read… etc etc. I’m so busy thinking about me I have essentially shut off.

    I was trying the other day to specifically start trying to do this – i.e. actually REALLY pay attention to something 100% without any thought about myself and found it really hard!

    I have to admit I’m also really struggling with this acceptance thing. I feel I am still putting up with, rather than accepting… seems so hard when its meant to be so easy (i.e. do nothing) ?!?

  403. Scarlet Says:

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAUL, another ‘Aries’ (like moi)… I was reading somewhere that some star signs are more prone to anxiety/depression.. and Aries is one of them. Hmm, I think star signs are a load of old twaddle myself, but here’s the article anyway, may be something in it 😉


    Anxiety and /or depression.

    Those born under the star signs of Cancer and Aries seem to be significantly more likely to suffer from anxiety and/or depression while those born under the star signs of Capricorn, Virgo and Aquarius seem significantly less likely than average to suffer from problems of this type.

    Cancer 69%
    Aries 67%
    Leo 62%
    Pisces 62%
    Gemini 61%
    Sagittarius 61%
    Libra 59%
    Taurus 57%
    Scorpio 54%
    Capricorn 52%
    Virgo 52%
    Aquarius 38%

  404. teresa Says:

    Candie and Louise
    Thanks for the advice – I realise that the whole anxiety thing probably revolves around ‘reassurance’ and perhaps it’s part of the recovery to have to stand up to yourself. I think I gather from your answers that I just accept that I am frightened, that’s part of me at the moment and that I will stop be anxious about being anxious, then as anxiousness subsides so will the way I view the problem and in turn the problem will not be there as I am no longer anxious about it. That sounds complicated but think you know what I mean, sorry if I seem as if I am going over old ground. I do appreciate your help and know it sounds as if I’m not listening – I am, it ‘s just so clever at frightening you sometimes that it’s hard to convince yourself . Thanks to you both for your reply.

    Paul – Penblwdd Hapus (Happy Birthday in Welsh!) hope you have a good one.

    All – hope acceptance comes to us all, recovery is there .

  405. teresa Says:

    Sorry – I meant Candie and Lisa, sorry Lisa X

  406. Ben Says:

    I think I have probably spent the past hour googling medications for anxiety “just out of interest”… going back to my previous post I think this probably answers my initial worries about not truly accepting this ?

    I think this is where I am going wrong – after having a really crap day today I’ve immediately jumped back into the mindset of looking for an instant fix :-(

    I know what I need to do I am just struggling with accpeting this 100%… any tips anyone ???

  407. teresa Says:

    Hi Ben , I’m not the best of people to give you advice here, as you will see I was asking for the magic pill too – I think the fact that we realise that we’re looking for an instant fix is in itself a step towards recovery. The next step is stop searching the internet or anywhere else (I know how much you want to be able to think in the right way about this situation but that is not the answer). The place from there is to accept who you are ‘for now’. From there the pressure will start to ease –
    now I can see all that, I have felt it all happen with varying problems i have had with anxiety and as Lisa told me – try thinking what you would tell someone else with your problem , time i took my own advice then, LOL.

    Perhaps if you just start by giving up ‘trying’ to do anything and say to heck with it, whatever…

    Hope that helps, I know that getting on with other things in life is a great help too.

  408. mac Says:

    Ben great point, i gald u understand what i mean, i too can;t concentrate on anything else but me and when i try i jsut go rightbackto concentrating on me. I was wodnering what other people do also

  409. Ben Says:


    I think the best way is start doing a bit of practice. Try and listen to a documentary or something on say radio4 and REALLY try and listen to everything they say to the point where you concentrate. When you are out and about, try and see all the detail around you etc etc. It’s hard as you will find your attention drifting back to yourself, but I reckon with time it becomes easier. I know Paul mentions this in one of his posts – i.e. when he goes for a run he tries to focus his attention on something external rather than doing stuff on auto pilot.

    Teresa – great point about telling other people. I give one of my friends advice quite a lot about things like this… anyone would think I was an expert apart from the fact I can’t follow it myself!!

    Happy b’day btw Paul.

  410. Kashawn Says:


    The reverting back to yourself feeling is normal as u know, the attention is on you because the symptoms of anxiety are present, its a habit that develops. People think they are doomed because they have this habit but truly the way out is as you say; try your best to focus on other things and if the attention still reverts back to you then so be it-“who cares” should be the attitude. You see when I learned why this habit developed I accepted it and it made things much easier; the reason why your attention is on you is because your nerves are tired and your used to checking in on yourself every time you feel anxiety. But I assure you, if you continue on with your day and focus the best you can on outward things (reading, socializing, exercise etc), your nerves heal and the “attention reverting back to you” habit fades….trust me:)

    all the best

  411. mac Says:

    thanks kashawnfor the info. u know whats weird if i do feel better then i panic because then i worry where did the anxiety go and what if im so used to anxiety that now i dont know any better and then worrythat i have th eanxiety in me and dont even realize it which is scary…. this must be really overanlyzing????

  412. Annie Says:

    Hi Nikki. I can very much relate to your post. I was having the same thoughts today. I had a very busy day and I also spent time visiting with a friend. I was chatting with her, very engaged and relaxed, when the thought would pop up, “Oh, look at you. You’re too relaxed right now. Don’t forget that you have anxiety!” It’s almost as if I’m afraid to let it go, since this is my second “recovery”. I recovered in late 2006, had an anxiety-free year, then “it” came back. I know that with this go-around that there’s part of me that’s afraid to truly relax, because what if this happens again?

  413. Kashawn Says:

    Mac, the overanalyzing comes from the anxiety condition itself; see it as a Big storm that passes by here and there, let it all happen, let all the questions and analyzing happen, just dont add to it and focus on your task. The anxiety storms come with less force as you pay them no respect and move on and focus outward on your tasks, time will show you:)

    Annie, I know exactly what you are talking about and it all comes down to a tired mind that is poping up obsessive and irrational thoughts in your mind. By what I read, you are in the habit of the attention being on yourself, so your mind is going to remind you of your anxiety-so be it, don’t worry about it. As I always say, Anxiety is a big storm that has physical symptoms along with obsessive thoughts, questioning, and overanalyzing, LET IT ALL HAPPEN, as paul says let it burn itself out, just focus on the task your doing and always focus outward, your doing things right just know overanalyzing and questioning is part of anxiety,,, I hope this helps:)


  414. louise Says:

    Kashawn,the above post has really helped me,after being really focused for a couple of weeks and feeling positive ive been on a real downward spiral for days,ive only recently opened up about how ive been feeling and strangley enough it feels like since doing so ive gotten worse,i think this is because im not hiding anymore im being totally honest with myself and others and everythings sort of coming to a head now.As i mentioned on a previous post ive always been this way,i dont know any different so im totally trying to undo habits of a lifetime,sometimes im sure ill get there on occasion i worry i wont!!Ive been spending the last wekk overanalyzing and inward thinking to a point i thought i was gonna scream out loud.On reflection i think im succumbing to easy i get lazy and slip into old thinking patterns but i know if i want to get better i need to keep up with pauls advice and the advice of my therapist,im sure ill get there in the end but its for sure going to take time….but i really need to work on keeping the faith!!!!!!!!!!!xx

  415. Annie Says:

    Thanks, Kashawn. I just feel tired at times because I’ve done this recovery bit before, using Dr. Claire Weekes’ methods. In fact, I used to post on an anxiety website counseling people on how to recover (I’ve been an RN for 15 years). I never expected to be blindsided by it again after feeling so great for over a year. Now it’s been over a year where I’ve had symptoms every single day.

    I’ve not let it stop me from living my life – in fact, I recently flew from the West Coast to my hometown in NY for a vacation. It’s just that I expected to be free of this at this point, given the methods that I use.

    Anyway, enough whining – it’s time for my run. Thanks again!

  416. lorryt Says:

    hi all

    hope you are well Candie and Scarlet, i havent been on for a while as we have had no pc, slight setback!. been having a rough week so far, feeling a bit crap, and stressed out ( per usual) as my hubby would say. i have been carrying on as normal though ( well as normal as can be!) and not letting it get to me too much, although at times thoughts can be overwhelming, they can shout at you , i am trying my best to accept and float past em,but its been very difficult. i thought i had the hang of the accepting stuff, but i obviously havent !. it has caught me out thus week bdly and i am struggling a lot, am i doing something wrong, as i have been so tempted to give up and go back to the docs. the thoughts are so irrational and ridiculous, i guess i am paying them too much attention, the trouble is its all about my kids again, paul advocates think things through and worst case scenario, but because its all in the future who kn ows what will happen, it feels like its driving me crAZY, HAVENT SLEPT FOR THE PAST 3 NIGHTS , AND MY MIND SEEMS TO JUMP FROM ONE WORRY TO TH E NEXT. ADVICE PLEASE AS NOT DOING VERY WELL!./

  417. louise Says:

    Lorryt,i can totally sypmathise with you as ive been feeling way below par for days now,so frustrating as i have been doing so well.Today i had to give myself a good talking too because yesterday i was going to scream!!!!My thoughts and feelings where so overwhelming,its mad,yesterday i was even thinking about going to the docs for medication,now that thought is soo irrational to me cause i know meds are not for me.Today after waking kinda shaky but knowing i had somewhere important to be i decided enough was enough i gave myself a quick refresh of pauls advice and stressed outloud the importance of ACCEPTING,NOT QUESTIONING NOT FIGHTING !!I started to feel calmer as soon as i gave up the fight.It sounds so simple but it really works.I also did my best to remain outward focused knowing as soon as i allow inward thinking to take hold dp sets in bigtime!!!!!I felt a wee bit anxious when i went out today but nowhere near as bad as i would have felt if i cut about trying to chase my feelings away.Try and remember that these thoughts can do you no harm at all,rationalise them ask yourself whats the liklihood of them coming to true??Dont fear these thoughts because as you know anxiety LOVES fear and that fear alone will keep you locked in the anxiety cycle.Work on losing the fear,thats where im at now,its not easy but its the only road to recovery…….speak soon xx

  418. Kashawn Says:

    Glad I can help Annie:). Its nice to see another nurse on here Im finishing nursing school, Saturday is my last exam:)


  419. brian Says:

    Hey Annie, I just wanted to tell you I can relate to having to “recover” a second time. I found this web site a little over a year ago, and for about the next 4 or 5 months I had the most dramatic transformation in my life. I absolutely couldn’t believe how much better I was feeling and how much my outlook on life was changing. After almost feeling fully recovered, anxiety hit me as hard as ever again and for the last 6 or 7 months I have been really struggling to accept. This website just does not seem to hold the same effect it did when I first found it. It just seems a lot harder to recover this time. I think I’m making small strides though, so hopefully I’ll get there! Anyways, just wanted to tell you I’m in kind of a similar situation as you because going through anxiety for a second time is something that has really bewildered me for awhile.

  420. John S Says:

    Hi guys, I had a fe weeks off from posting and I have started to not come on the blog as much or read Pauls book everyday which i can only assume must be a good sign. Just having a bit of a setback at moment I think. I think its because me and my partner where discussing our future and going travelling and I started thinking what If im worse then or have a breakdown. I knows it just thoughts and im thinking that I cant do anything to stop them so why try, im feeling really anxious again and DP is strong but once again I keep saying there is nothing I can do about it and adding extra worry wont achieve anything whatsoever. Nearly didnt go into work today but that would achieve nothing either so I forced myself to go in. Whenever I find myself fighting now or worrying I just say ‘what has worrying ever achieved, i cant do anthing to control it’. Paul is right, worry is completely useless. We cant change situations, if they are going to be bad then so be it, no amount of worying will change it so why waste energy on that. It just doubles your misery!

  421. mike Says:

    hi lorry hope you had better nights sleep. i was like this about 8 weeks ago had about 3 hours kip over 3 nights. i had some sound advice from candie at time and it made sense, what i was doing was going to bed dreading going to bed if you know what i mean, if i did drift off as soon as i woke i was looking at clock working out how much sleep i had had. try to relax read a book maybe not on the anxiety subject and see how you go, i know its tough. dont beat yourself up about going to the doctors either your not weak if you need something to help i did and she gave me 5 sleeping tablets to which i have taken 2 but im not beating myself up about it. paul says he beat it without meds which is great but also some people may need a little help which isnt a bad thing.
    brian, john s and annie im in setback as well but just putting pauls methods to the test day in day out and have 100% confidence we will all beat the setback.
    im off for a five mile run now ive accepted a challenge from somebody who thinks they can beat me in great north run in september 13 miles (bloody hell) paul you fancy it?
    have a goodun x.

  422. lorryt Says:


    i cant seem to get over the fact that the thoughts ae so believeable and scare the hell out of me, but i am handling things a bit better as Pual would say look at where you were a year ago and how far you have come. trouble is i am trying not to worry bout things, or let the worry go but it rebounds back on me !. i actually bought some herbal sleeping tablets but didnt use them. i know i can recover, but just wanted it all to happen quickly , which i now realise it doesnt worklike that all. our bodies take time and need space, i just have to ACCEPT THAT , THAT WORD KEEPS COMING UP ALL THE TIME. ON THE GOOD DAYS I BELEIVE, BAD DAYS I LOOSE ALL FAITH IN MY OWN ABILITIES!.


  423. colm Says:

    hi guys over the past few years i had a few false dawns but instead of getting over the final hurdle i slip into an anxious mess.i feel back at sqaure one i am very out going and sporty and i try to keep these things up but i feel like vomitting and strugle to eat so id find it hard to keep going ,i also seem alot more insecure in myself this time.

  424. Fiona Says:

    Hi Lorryt, you have to mentaly let go, you are struggling to try and stop yourself feeling anxious when what you should be doing is letting it wash over you. IT IS NOT NICE, BUT IT WONT HARM YOU! What is harming you and keeping your adrenaline flowing is the mental struggle you are in and not just accepting those feelings. You know what they feel like, you’ve felt them before, thats it! Thats all you get! Nothing more! You managed everytime so far and if you think about it rationally its when you stop obbseesing about them they magically disappear and you think to your self, what i’m like getting myself in to that state. Letting go is a new sensation after so long struggling and fighting as you are changing a habit so i might make you feel a might apprehensive but ignore all the what ifs and just say come and get i know what to expect and i’m pretty unimpressed with it all. You still feel crap when the adrenaline comes and you notice symptoms but you wont struggle against. Instead you’ll understand that you feel like this because of stress and no add anymore stress or adrenaline by worrying and fighting.
    Hope this helps. xxx

  425. Sam Says:

    Hey Clom,

    I feel the same way i feel like vomitting and strugle to eat too..i have 2 good weeks and then i fall in the trap of feeling guilty for the way i feel…

    Just have to stay postive + feel like giving up too hard on the bad days


  426. teresa Says:

    Firstly to say Candie and Lisa – took your advice, it was just what I needed, I can see I was looking for the ‘quick fix’ – a sort of panic over not being able to control how I felt! Says it all doesn’t it – control –

    I have been looking at some of the posts on here and Will’s place and can identify some processes, I am causing a secondary panic by going back into situations and trying to force a ‘relief’ because I don’t like the way I feel. It’s more about ‘accepting’ the way you FEEL about a situation/symptom rather than accepting the symptom because the symptom itself holds little importance it’s the feeling that we are trying to rid ourselves of – and in so doing forcing panic. Am I right – had a bit of a eureka momnet then – I was driving, thought I’d been caught speeding (which is not like me as I’m more like Miss Daisy as far as speed goes!!!LOL) but found myself thinking, was I speeding, trying to find ways to make myself better by trying to work it all out, seek reassurance etc etc – all of a sudden thought of Paul. Worrying, it does not solve anything – so thought about it, identified what I was doing and thought – ok, if I was speeding I’ll have a ticket – no matter how many times I go over it, check etc I won’t make a difference to the outcome so the best thing to do is stop worrying and get on. I did. Now , it’s a small step, but hopefully although it’s not realated to ‘feelings’ etc I think it does symbolise a lot of the way my thought system is working.
    Anyway – onwards and upwards, the road is there to travel and we are lucky to have so many who have trodden it so successfully and have given us a route!!! 100% is there, there’s no time limit because it ‘s not a race (unlike Paul and Mike’s running)!!!
    Hope you are all doing ok – how you feeling Candie, my daughter’s expecting a baby in the autumn first grand child for me) – we had a bit of a scare this week and ended up in hospital, but alls well that ends well and we now have had a scan of the baby.
    Lisa been reading some of your and Candie’s old posts and find them very helpful, thanks for being there and helping.
    All – take care , keep reading Pauls’ book and site he is 100% committed and does not doubt, and the proof is in the person!!! Thank you Paul.

  427. lisa Says:

    your doing great teresa, your very welcome 😉

  428. lorryt Says:

    hi fiona

    its totally mad, it really is, i get a thought about my kids leaving home ( they are only 9 and 6 )!, andthat get sme upset and i think hoild on aminute whats going on here. i worry about the future far too much, i have started readingf dale carnegie book about sbout stop worrying and start living, and for a week or so things were great, then my head gets in the way and off we go again, is it the fact that im giving these thoughts too much attention, or am i fightinh them, . i just dont get it?

    thanks fiona you really do help.xxx

  429. Fiona Says:

    Hi Lorryt, some days are easy some are hard. The problem for everyone is they want to be better today which is totally understandable. Just click of the fingers and its gone. Unfortunately we have built up so much cumulitive anxiety that it will take a while of implementing new habits of letting go and accepting symptoms for us start to break through the anxiety. Which means accepting it will be there for a while, all the symptoms! DP, weird thoughts, panic spasms, you name it….. it aint going over night but it can go IN TIME. It will be there but not the focus of your day, you might still think about it alot but just think oh well, i’ve got that weird thought or feeling again, its the same as last time, and the time before that and that!!! There is no point worrying or investigating it as i know what it there through habit, adrenaline and tired nerves and mind. These are apowerful combination but not as powerful as our desire to live anxiety free. So just try and let it be and not fight as this is the way to recovery. You will never fight or worry your way to recovery anyone who has recovered will tell you that. Recovery comes when you give up fighting, stop investiging daft thoughts brought on by habit and realising that all other symptoms are just adrenaline which is naturally body response to the stress you are putting on your self.
    I tried the stop worrying and strart living book but i found it bit old fashioned but the concept is spot on. xxxx

  430. Candie Says:

    Teresa thats it yes! Exactly what i discovered too, the concept is you cant control what has been and gone- or what may be. The anxiety sufferer tends to worry about previous situations and tries to get them right in there head, or they go into future situations apprehensive and get frustrated and anxious because they cant muster up a rational response to them. The Key is to allow the anxious reactions in any situation, just dont mull it over in your mind obsessively before and after. Eventually you regain flow again. Wonderful when you have a revelation isnt it! I’m glad your grandaughter is fine, its lovely when you first see the scans isnt it!

    Lorry, it sounds to me asif you are fighting with yourself- trying to get it right in your head about your anxious thoughts so that you can be rational with them and stop worrying. However any reaction after a thought has been and gone is useless, as it wont change the thought- thats your problem… not the thought about them leaving home, thats just a normal anxiety thought. Your anxiety is coming from you trying to sort this is your mind and erradicate the uneasy feeling the thoughts give you. You need to realise ‘i may not be able to rationally respond to silly thoughts at times as adrenalin is making them seem bigger then what they are’. Leave it at that, dont try figure all this out. If the uneasy feeling comes back or lingers, so be it- you know why its there so allow it to be… re-inforce the habit of understanding, dont try forcing control.

  431. louise Says:

    Hey everyone,had a really good couple of days,focused on outward thinking and was amazed at how well i did in social situations,im feeling good BUT…………..cant help worrying it wont last ill be right back at square one soon!!Does anyone have any advice about this????xxxxHope everyone else is doing ok

  432. Candie Says:

    Just thought everyone might like to read this quote from a philosopher:

    ”It is what east ancient philosopher said “acceptance”. There is no other ways. No matter you get social phobia, OCD, anxiety or depression; no matter you are suspect all the time, stutterer, insomnia, afraid of crazy, gluttony or anorexia, there is no way to get rid of that. The only way is to accept the truth; put down the weapon; don’t fight against it; slowly avoid repulsion; don’t try to eliminate it; try to get used to it. Gradually, you will learn not to conflict and fight with your symptoms again. At that time, you will recover completely. All anxiety is because of people cannot face the truth and accept everything. We must learn how to forgive and how to face. We don’t have other ways to go. Someone will say: don’t tell me about acceptance. I have accepted for so many years, but everything didn’t change! Actually, this is the most common misunderstanding of “acceptance”. This is only ostensible acceptance. They want to use acceptance as a way to eliminate symptoms. It is not the real acceptance. If you have really suffered a lot in your life, you can slowly accept your symptoms from your real heart. Only acceptance can change. Certainly, all the people can recover. We must go through the path all the way. This is the rule ”

    Completely ties in with the message here doesnt it, many people have discovered this and those people went onto fully recover….. so in the case of your question Louise, if it comes back so be it- you have to welcome it when it does… if you can learn to do this you wont fear it.

  433. Kashawn Says:

    Candie I loved the last post; awesome quote very inspiring!

  434. teresa Says:

    Yes I agree, and it does say it all. As a novice to this situation I’ve been thinking about this and wondered if what some of us are trying to do is force ‘acceptance’?
    Sometimes it’s easier to accept than others – but I believe that understanding will eventually provide acceptance, I know that when true acceptance happens it’s game over. What helps me believe in acceptance is the fact that the others of you are recovered, that when we get times of ‘belief’ we are not in distress – these happen when you truly give in and get on – it’s hard but a drip drip affair that will build up over time just as the original ‘anxiety’ did. Thank you – the post says a lot.

  435. lorryt Says:

    CAndie , i just need to get into the acceptance habit i think and just let things be?.thoughts are thoughts as you say and cant harm us. i am trying to rush things i guess. it just seems to me that the thoughts are hanging around so much, i have accepted the physical things which dont bother me any more, still get the odd sensation but dont care about it. i have to transfer that attitude to my mind. i understand things will take time, but i have to get on and live with it. thanks guys. i guess im in a bit of a set back at the mo and am letting it bother me too much..
    \Candie you always make sense, Fiona , its always good to have someone elses take on things xxxxx

  436. Paul David Says:

    Yes that’s a good piece Candie and very true when he says ‘Acceptance should not be a means to eliminate’ A lot of people get stuck on that by thinking ‘well I am accepting you and your not going away’ this is never a true way of accepting you and your symptoms, that is trying to ‘rid’ yourself.

    Anyway I will do another post soon, maybe next week, had massive computer problems and the reason I have not been about much.

    Mike I will do the great north next year mate, bit early this time around.


  437. Fiona Says:

    What a beautiful day up here in scotland!!! The best day of the year so far! Went a great jog round the park and was actually going to go to the stuffy gym amd go on the treadmill instead, so glad i didn’t as it is gorgeous out! Hope everyone is having a great day!
    Fiona xxx

  438. colm Says:

    hi paul,candie
    most of my bad setbacks seem to follow a night ive had a few drinks.my phycoligist told me i should drink and not to avoid anything which kind of makes sense but i have just reread your book to try get positive again and i see you mention trying to cut down or give it up.do you think me giving up the drink would be avoidence?at the moment i cant hardly drink a glass of water

  439. Fiona Says:

    Colm, my advise is dont listen to the so called ‘experts’. Recovering from anxiety involves sensible life style changes and watching what you drink is one of them. I hangover makes you feel awful without anxiety and is 10x worse with it. I can remember many hangovers lying on the couch and wishing i had done this or said that and feeling generally lousy before anxiety so i dont subjust myself to that now and feel alot better for it. I often go out and drive or stick to just a few drinks dont get me wrong the odd occasion i’ll hve one to many but not often. xxx

  440. Candie Says:

    Thats a tough question that Colm

    The answer can swing both ways! You can either not let anxiety stop you doing anything, drink anyways and accept the consequences or you can make a decision to not drink or cut back.

    I would say the right answer lies somewhere in the middle, like Fiona says… to go out and have a drink but not go mad with it. I used to drink with anxiety and wasnt to badly effected by it, but i didnt drink myself to a point of uncontiousness! Just a happy level, went out had a dance and a giggle with my friends.. got tipsy- stuffed my face on burger and chips and drank a pint of water when i got in. I think if you can keep hydrated and make sure your stomach isnt too empty whiles u drink it helps a lot. Dont avoid socialising because u cant drink- go anyway and have a laugh and a few drinks.

  441. colm Says:

    thanks candie,fiona for the reply. its great to have this site for advice.

  442. Mazza Says:

    Hi Colm
    I quite agree with Candie & Fiona. Drinking in moderation is o.k, but too much and it can cause high anxiety the next day. At one time I used to have a drink to rid myself of the anxiety cos it made me feel normal, but after reading the advice on here and from Paul, I realized I was running away from anxiety and not facing it. I’ve stopped doing that now and when I drink now, I don’t get the anxiety the next day. I think it’s because I drink cos I want a drink and not because of anxiety, if that makes sense. I’ve had anxiety for a long time but am better since finding this blog. I don’t post very often but I keep up with all the info. on here.
    Candie or anyone who may be able to help, I would like to ask a question that you might be able to help me with. With all the recent adverts on television regarding smoking, drinking, what to eat or not eat etc, it makes me quite anxious. When I start to think about what they say, I start to analyse everything I do and think I’m damaging myself. Then I google, which isn’t the right thing to do, I know, and get really anxious about everything. I do try to do things in moderation, but the more I hear about all this health related stuff, the more I smoke etc, which isn’t good, I know. I hope I’m making sense, my hubby tells me to stop worrying,that I’m o.k etc, but it really frightens me. Can anyone else relate to this?
    Take care everyone and thank you for all your advice and support

  443. lisa Says:

    mazza, if we all ate what were supposed to, not drink , not smoke, how boring life would be..lol. i smoke, i go out every other sunday night, i eat veg maybe 2-3 times a week but eat pasta, salads, chinese, just like everybody else. if your happy smoking, and eating what you do, then dont worry. i agree with you about feeling the anxiety more the next day after drinking, so i no when iv had enough to drink, then drink plenty of orange or blackcurrant next day, have breakfast(especially cereal with sugar) as you can feel dehydrated. try and keep motivated aswell because you dwell on feeling rough. ell iv been sat in the sun and im as red as a tomato..lol , so off to apply the after sun :-)

  444. Dean Says:

    hi All

    Havent been on here for a wile.just wanted to po in and say hi.ive been doing much better with my anxiety.theres just a few obstacles that are still taking a wile for me to overcome but im sure i will grow out of it.i know im probably analysing the symptoms again,but the last 2 days my chest has almost felt tight and that my breathing s like restricted a bit and doesnt feel like its flowing nicely so in tern starts to get the worry process going of what it could be and why it isnt going away.i just wish i could not concentrate on it at all and take my mind off it completely.but its just so hard sometimes.


  445. John S Says:

    Great post Candie about trying to eliminate symptoms and the true meaning of acceptance is fully allowing feelings to be there. Thats why i never truly recovered before and my symptoms came back. Because i feared them.

  446. Eva Says:

    Hi everyone

    Been ages since I’ve visited the blog, so thought I would post something that I’ve realised throughout my recovery in the hope that it may help others.

    Firstly Paul, I thought this post was really informative and very well written. Also Candie, the piece you posted really hit home too, acceptance is not just saying it, it’s living it.

    Maybe others have noticed this too, but I knew that my recovery would require me to lessen my active pursuit of control. Not control as in telling people to stand up, sit down etc, but to lessen the control I needed of my own emotions…particulary negative ones. For me, anxiety hit due to personal stressors that I could not control, thus challenging my own beliefs that I could deal with things. This then spiralled into severe anxiety that I now realise hit me so bad because of the expectations I had of myself, and my need to be perfect!

    Heading back to work was the first step in making major progress. This may seem like a huge ask, but it is honestly the way to bring back some form of normality to an anxious body. Even now i have days/moments at work that are not good, but I look back and realise that if I didnt go back, breaking the anxious loop would have been so much harder. I was lucky in that I have an excellent boss who I explained things to and was very understanding.

    Secondly, a mixed callendar of events helped keep my mind focused outwards instead of inwards. I realised that acceptance of the anxious thoughts could work two ways, I either stayed in and tried to figure it out (which I did and still do occasionally)…but this only made things worse!! Or I could practice and say, ok well I feel like this and I hate it, but whatever, I’m not going to sit around and try to figure it out. Instead I decided to carry on and live as normal a life as possible, doing things I would normally enjoy, this included, badminton, visiting friends, socialising with work colleagues, shopping and horse riding. I didnt/dont always feel enjoyment from these activites and at first that really bothered me, but with time you start to notice that you maybe forget about the anxiety for 5minutes, then 10minutes and eventually it grows to a few hours etc.

    Lastly, I found that letting go of some unfounded beliefs was a real release. By this i mean some small beliefs that we have in ourselves. For example…I always believed that I had to think EVERYTHING through in great detail to get the best results. I realised this was a habbit I fell into through university and through my job as an engineer. I analysed everything, even down to what i was going to buy from the shops for my tea!! One cool little experiment i did with myself was to say, right the next 4 or 5 decisions I’m going without really deep analytical thinking….this worked a treat!! I finally got the new bed i’d been debating for months…went on a night out i’d been avoiding and generally just found it to be so much fun!! This was a great release and somehow gave me a little more confidence in myself again.

    Although not fully recovered, I’ve found that through the advice kindly given to me on this forum and through talking things through with a good listener I really managed to move in the right direction.

    One final point I’d like to add, is about setbacks. i’ve found that everytime i have one i think oh great, have I made any improvement?? Only to find a wee while later (maybe a few days) that I feel better than I did before the setback!! It’s all part of the recovery, and i’m now learning to actually welcome them as I know that they must be part of the zig-zag upwards slope to full recovery.

    Best Wishes to everyone and goodluck with your recovery


  447. Paul David Says:

    Eva that is a great post and everything you did I could not have advised better. I would like you to read my next post as it covers some things you have mentioned. On the setback question, I used to come out a stronger person as my confidence would build in that I a came through again, I was not back at square one, so they bothered me less. Also a setback only has the power you give it. I got to the point where I viewed the good days the same as the bad and yes as you say it was like I had to go through them to move forward.

  448. Stephen Says:

    hi everyone,

    had a really bad setback last night which completely knocked me for six. have been doing greyish-pink in days laterly as scarlet would say and was making progess slowly. but last night as one of my ears its severely blocked and i was trying to get to sleep i could hear the tv on in the next room but because i had my good ear on the pillow it sounded distored and different ect and i freaked out because i thought this was the point where i would go insane. Before i went to bed last night i had the fear of getting Schizophrenia as i have for many time during me suffering anxiety and when i went to bed i freaked myself out so much thinking i had it because of how different my hearing was most likely due to my blocked ear and i thought i was hearing things when i was just hearing the tv on in the other room which sounded different as my good ear was on the pillow :( so didnt sleep very well and very on edge today. With me fearing this im practically waiting until i ‘hullucinate’ or ‘hear things’ as i fear so much that it will happen one day :(, i havent paniced this bad in a while.

    Has anyone else had this fear? it was so hard to accept when i freaked out last night because the panic i felt was pretty intense. any advice would be really appreciated so i can get back on track and leave this setback i hope behind.

    hope everyone is doing good.


  449. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Stephen,

    “had a really bad setback last night which completely knocked me for six. have been doing greyish-pink in days laterly as scarlet would say and was making progess slowly.”

    Greyish-pink days are just fine 😉

    Stephen, regarding your fear of developing schizophrenia and hallucinating after your experience the other night, yes I had this as well… MANY TIMES. You overanalysed the situation too much that’s all…. and got yourself into a tailspin.

    I remember a time myself when I was in analysing every little aspect of my being, and I made myself absolutely petrified one night waiting to hallucinate, thinking I would see a room full of snakes or something similar. I was so panicked over it, not that I’m afraid of snakes or anything, but was convinced I had schizophrenia, and the hallucinations were about to happen at any moment. Like a magnet my brain had attracted some of the worst thoughts ever, as I was in a mindset of absolute panic and fear, which I had created for myself by over-reacting to my thoughts, which had sent me into a downward spiral. Imade the mistake of trying to reason with the irrational thoughts I was having, in the hope I would convince myself I was not going loopy, but of course this is the wrong way to go about it.

    You have the tools for recovery Stephen, when a situation like this arises again, don’t feel the need to analyse any thoughts of this nature… just accept the thought, and if it helps say to yourself, whatever happens I’ll cope… and leave it at that. Also try to not give a negative emotion to your thoughts, if you can react with a matter-of-fact emotion all the better. This will take the fear out of the situation and stop the thoughts coming thick and fast.

    You are NOT going to hallucinate, or become schizophrenic, it’s just thoughts in overdrive. You are doing great otherwise Stephen, let it pass.


  450. lorryt Says:

    hi all

    your advice has helped alot, i am living with it, and although i am struggling again i feel i am not in despair as i was before, so i am making progress ( need to reassure myself , and unload !).Its become especially hard in the mornings again, electric current switched to full volume as soon as i wake !sorry to go on but i need to get it off my chest, i think i have to stop putting pressure on myself everyday to want to get better as i feel i am not doing all i can. confused i am ???????xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  451. louise Says:

    Hey everyone,Stephen i just wanted to mention that i too was at one point totally convinced id become schitzophrenic,ive noticed it seems to be a fairly common mistaken belief with anxiety sufferers.I dont believe this AT ALL now yes there are still times where my thoughts and feelings have me scared and mentally runragged but i know its ANXIETY playing its tricks and i know it will never develop into anything more serious.When i feel my mind go off on one i RELAX into it embrace it and always calm down,nothing bad ever happens stephen,have faith in this,im even learning to laugh at some of my mad/weird thoughts and i guess this means im losing the fear of them…FINALLY!!Anyway ive been doing ok lately ive been in a few social situations and it hasnt been too bad at all ive noticed now that instead of my inner voice telling me to “shutup im talking rubbish”its urging me on telling me”go on you can do this”Just hope to continue feeling better and cant thank Paul and this page anymore if i tried..Speak soon have a good monday xxxxxxxx

  452. Leanne Says:


    This is a response to Brenden who comments on here about what he thinks could have been an anxiety attack. You mention the breathing thing, dizzy and black out feeling. Basically this happened to me almost to the letter, sooo random and out of the blue. The first time at the very beginning of January last year. This breathing thing used to do my head in, I’d concentrate and concentrate on it until I felt like I was in effect MAKING myself breathe. I went to the doctors, back and forth back and forth until one doctor said I could have anxiety because distraction seemed to get rid (eventually) of the symptoms.
    You mention that you feel like you still have it “in you” but there’s no such thing, you have to believe me on this. Its only because this seems so alien to you and that its almost an unknown entity. What is my body/mind playing at?
    I know it was for me. I do stand-comedy, do a radio show and all this stuff that would say that I’ma confident individual with esteem. BUT, turns out my nervous system was saying “Hey, Leanne, you need to slow down.” it took me a long time to work it all out in my head. You name the symptom, I had it. Dizziness, racing thoughts, the sky was too bright, paranoia, frustration, racing heart, skipping heart beats, not feeling like I was really “there”, breathing as if the cavity in my lungs could expand forever unless I breathed out, tingly fingers….and the list goes on. Its exhausting but not incurable.
    Don’t become overly obsessed with it if you can help it, try to realise, it is what it is. If you get too caught up in it, even in this site (no offence Paul) it may consume you a little more than is healthy. This is in my opinion a little warning saying, hey bud, just slow down a bit and this is regardless of whether you think you are over doing it or not. Don’t over analyse this though, because you are perfectly safe. This site is the only one that helped me, as did the book and it set me off in the right direction onto my road to recovery. Recovery. Never ever thought I would be able to say that.

    I see my nervous system as my friend now, I used to hate it and wished I was “normal” but since coming out of this (what I used to call) jail, I am actually grateful to it. It taught me to like myself, what my limits are and when I remember how unpleasant I felt, that every day was a battle, that getting on the tube and having to get off to vomit most days on the way to work…..and then I look at myself now and how far I’ve come. I think, you know what? I’m alright actually, if I can survive this, I can survive anything.

  453. Annie Says:

    Beautiful post, Leanne. I’m sure your words will positively affect many who read this blog. Thanks for taking the time to write your post.

  454. Paul David Says:

    I remember you Leanne when you first emailed me, well done on coming so far and I do agree that you need to take a break from time to time , I do mention this in other posts, so no offence taken at all. Also you do come out a stronger person for it, I found that out.

    I have to also say people do become so obsessed and bewildered by how they feel as these feelings can seem to come out of the blue, but they are your bodys way of saying it is overworked, it just needs you to step back. I also learnt so much about my own body and treat myself far better these days and had such a shift in prioritys.

    We do get a lot come back saying how well they are doing and it does help others and all of them came here totally bewildered when first arriving.


  455. Candie Says:

    Eva that is great news, i did the same thing and things really have changed! Stick at it, your doing really well!

    Lorry its that pressure which is keeping you in this loop, all your efforts to rid yourself of the anxiety are hindering your recovery.

    Stephen, i was exactly the same with the fear of Schitzophrenia. Id question if i really herd something (if the tv was on in a diff room etc), if i saw lol things out the corner of my eye id panic, i also was waiting for the moment to come where i ‘lost it’ started hearing and seeing things. It does go away though… as with any fear once the anxiety subsides the over reaction does too. Next time just dismiss it, even if your still panicking- acknowledge the fear, accept you have over reacted due to anxiety then say whatever to it. Dont do this to make it go away, do this to learn your mind and body to see there is no real threat. The only way out of this illness is to go with the flow of it, dont fight against the grain- once you can do this you give your mind time to see nothing can really hurt you, then your brain is retrained to react with the right response.

    Lisa, you been baking your pastey ginger skin again hahha, bet your like a lobster! I was out in the sun today too, had a lovely picnic and day at park with my niece n nephew… no tan though, no one wants to see a big fat pregnant woman expose her self lol!

  456. Victor Says:


    I have mentioned this before on the blog, but I am having a problem with odd thoughts that I get (especially about my daughter). I have to admit, I think I spend more time dwelling and thinking about the thoughts than actually getting the thoughts. In the process of thinking so much about these thoughts I have developed habits that remind me of the thoughts (this is my biggest obstacly by far). Anyone who can relate or help me it would be greatyly appreciated it. thank you

  457. samantha Says:

    hello all

    i very rarely visit this site these days but i just wanted to say that what this site gave me was invaluable xxx

    whe i read some of the posts i recognise myself in a lot of them and i just wanted to say that things do get better it doesnt happen overnight and yes it takes a lot of acceptance

    i am now back finishing my degree and living my life

    everything you experience will pass it always does


  458. Paul David Says:

    That’s great Samantha, seems to be a good day for good news, your right though I would love to give that one sentence to make it all go away, but it does take a little patience, it just takes a little faith that it will and not to be too impressed by how you feel at any given time, I learnt that myself and looking back I also see myself in a lot of posts. Just to let everyone know I will be doing a new post next week, I think I know have a good idea what I want to say.

    Good luck with your degree Sam


  459. Candie Says:

    Viktor yes this is very common with anxiety, i had it myself too for a long time… its gone now really… i do think odd stuff now and again but i dont have repetitive anxious thoughts- just thoughts on the level your average person does. I looked through a lot of old posts from the people who had them, Scarlets especially helped me- i started doing what she did to recover and within a few months i found that i wasnt checking my thoughts anymore or thinking anything repetitive. Its nothing serious at all, its a habit. Look through a lot of the old posts and you will find lots of info.

  460. mike Says:

    Hello everyone,
    its by far the worse obstacle of the lot victor. last year i was having real odd thoughts and felt terrible and guilty for thinking them and this is why we think we are going crazy, we have nobody to talk to because we feel so bad for thinking these terrible thoughts JUST IN THE VICIOUS CIRCLE!
    the build up of stress,over worrying as added abnormal adrenalin and thats what creates such thoughts. just welcome them and not fight. if they wanna come in and scare us let them we know we would never carry any strange thought out, and have that confidence to say to the anxiety LETS AVE IT!! you wont win come and do your worst. all the best mate.

  461. Victor Says:

    Thanks candie and mike. It gets tough sometimes as you both know, and it always helps to hear encouragement from people on this blog. I will search the blog candie, thank you.

    I think what made today so bad was that the past couple of days had been good, i was getting the thoughts but I dont know, for some reason they were not really getting to me. The other day I even went for what felt like an hour without thinking one anxious thought with out even realizing it (which for me is a long time) Then the self checking kicked in. But I had a glimpse of life before anxiety which is why i think today has hit me so hard.

    For the people who have fully recovered though I had a question. As i just mentioned, I am very aware of whats going on in my mind. Going an hour like I did the other day without thinking an anxious thought, not even thinking about my anxiety, and not realizing it for that long is a rare occurrence for me, i like to call this zoning out. Once I recover, because I WILL RECOVER!. Will that hour I had the other day of “zoning out” increase to days/weeks like pre-anxiety life, or is that a false hope? I definitely get what you are saying candie about the average person gets anxious thoughts, so I know its normal. But will my mind always be so aware of it and catch those thoughts? Will the focus always be on me? I guess thats what I am asking.

  462. teresa Says:

    Candie , some really good advice through your posts here, I have begun to see these sypmtoms as representatives of ‘thinking being on one’s self’ – it’s as if the mind is looking for something to grab it’s attention to produce fear. That’s why , I think when you seem to accept one (for the wrong reason, like you have found an answer but have not truly accepted) another comes along – and the one which you dislike most in the present is the one that hangs over you. I have now started to realise and assure myself that ok, don’t like this (at present pain in my forehead) but I DO KNOW that this is because of focus on myself, – in most cases when something more important comes along, the pain stops. However if you are not totally absorbed it remains so it can take some time just accepting that ‘it’s here for now’ but will go when I become less interested in it. That’s probably why when people google or search for an answer they are infact keeping it there because they are still interested in it. Sorry to go on, but it all seems to be starting to make sense and in a way by wrting it down here it sort of clarofies it.

    Have to say thanks to all the usuals, love to hear from you all with you lovely tales of ‘life’ and Paul for making all this possible and sticking with us on our journey, through this site I do believe I am on the road to complete recovery, and I also believe that a ‘learned’ belief is the road to 100% recovery, I’m even not bothered about banishing IT ALL – forever. I have a more rational view about it now and see I will have forms of anxiety (feelings) they won’t be a problem because I will not be frightened of them and then they will just pass.

    Samantha and Leanne and Eva have shown us how many people go through tis and come out the other side without us being aware of them, very kind of them to contribute and share their good news to this site, it all helps us all towards recovrey.

    Hope you all have been enjoying the sunshine, I went for a 10 mile return bike ride on Sunday, and a walk through the park yesterday – and I’m now off to finish a painting I’m working on.

    Look forward to the new post Paul.

  463. James Says:

    Hi, i have been on this site before but not for a long time now. I have bought the e-book and applied some of the practices within. Time is also a big help tho. I suffer from GAD and as is mentioned on the main site, and what makes this post particularly poignant, is the fact that with GAD it is the constant thonking, worrying, what if-ing that keeps you in an anxirty state or as i call it, my ceaseless mind. My GAD started following a random panic attack 9 months ago and since then i tried forcing the issue of recovery, which does not work, but time really does help. I do all my old social activities go out places drive where i want and do pretty much where i want. I do not take medicines and even though i do not feel at one with the world i am starting to feel a little more comfortable in it.

    For me the biggest issue i have is negative thought patterns and almost being bullied into believing negative thoughts. For anyone who remembers earlier posts of mine, i became obsessed that because i used recreational drugs in the past they have caused the delayed surfacing of my anxiety disorder some years later. The problem i then had is that i felt empowered to research this and on the net you can find anything to suport any angle on any issue. I will now live with that regret probably for the rest of my life, but at the same time, it is my own fault and i am no longer prepared to let that stop me doing the things i used to enjoy. I Suppose in essence no matter how debilitating the anxiety is, by making small strides each day then a sense of normality will start to return and, as is the case with GAD, you will stop analysing every little thing you do.

  464. louise Says:

    Hey everyone,wee question,can anyone relate to miximg ip feelings of anxiety and normal eveyday feelings that healthy minds mind experiance!!!Yesterday i felt very on edge during a conversation and i couldnt for the life of me decide wether what i was feeling was normal or if i was totally overreacting!!Either way it wasnt pleasant,i hate the way i let other peoples moods and attitude so deeply affect me,almost to the point of destruction.I know i cannot change other people only my attitude towards them,but i struggle puting this into practise!!I really have to get out of the mindset that even if i dont do well on ALL social encounters it doeasnt mean i havent come far!!I hate the way i can feel so damn normal and then HEY PRESTO!! back to acting all strange.I think i also need to work on getting better for me and noone else,i have this almost obsession of having to be fine and inCONTROL around certain people (the very people who have in the past told me i have a problem)but i know this is not going to work all it does is add more pressure and sets me up for dissapointement!!!I get myself in such horrible thinking cycles and its sooooo frustrating when i know i CAN be ok !!!Sorry to rabble on but its so annoying when you think youve got something………….Ive got so much to live for,3 beautiful kids,my partner,my family ,why cant i just be happy in my own skin??Why do i have to be so bloddy on edge and awkward????????CANDIE,your story is so inspiring ive found comfort reading some of your old posts,it does make you have in recovery,but days like this i cant help but think that maybe im just different…………xx

  465. samantha Says:

    hi victor

    in answer to your question no your mind will not be on yourself all the time i found it came a layers i would have perhaps 5 mins of not thinking about myself then half a day then a day and it progressed from there

    the thing i would say is everyone anxiety or not will think of themselves it is only natural so if you find yourself doing this just remember people do this and its normal i still do it now but i know its a normal thing to do


  466. Candie Says:


    Your Mind is only on yourself as you habitually trained it to be that way- this is not some illness that picked you, you are not unlucky……. the reason you are this way as you have trained your body and mind to be this way. When you accept that, you can see that anxiety has no hold over you, just as you created it- you can undo it too. Now im not saying you purposely did this to yourself, that would be silly! But we all have anxiety because of our own doing, that doesnt make us stupid though- everyones natural response to anxiety and stress is to worry about it. I’m telling you this so you know that your not stuck this way, no one ever is- everyone has the same thought ‘what if im one of the unlucky ones’…… no one was born this way, we learnt it and by trually accepting we can unlearn it too.

    The mistake many make is by thinking if they have a bad day or moment they need to clarify it, maybe ask for reassurance… its understandable, i did it too at first. But really you need to ‘hold your own’ so to speak. Learn your anxiety that you know what it is, you know why its there and you wont be bluffed. How can anyone ever learn to dismiss it and retrain the brain if they are not accepting it in this sense? If everytime you feel bad you need to go google, or post for reassurance online then you are just reinforcing that the anxious mind is right and you have reasons to be anxious…. when really none of us have a reason to be this way. Sure we have a reason we ended up like this- mine was stress, but right now whatever reason we had before is irrelevant. You can not reason with anxiety, you can not force your mind and body to produce the rational response- thats why clarifying every bad moment just bewilders us more. True acceptance is to see the moment for what it is, dont try to rationalise with it and accept that whatever anxious response you had was ok.

    Heres an example, now i am not critisising- i am showing Louise where i think she is going wrong.. so she can understand a bit better. Now her anxiety made her wonder if she was having an anxious response or a normal response to a normal situation. At that moment she should of concluded ‘whatever it is it is, so be it’ and left it at that. The fact she is here wanting to clarify what it was though means she has actually took the thought too far and isnt comfortable with the fact it could be anxiety (not accepting), so shes checking to make sure it isnt. True acceptance louise would be to allow it to be anxiety if it wishes and leave it at that.. if it was or wasnt anxiety it didnt make a differance to the experience did it- the only thing that made the differance was you analysing. Even if we said to you it wasn’t anxiety…. in your mind the over reaction has happened now so it wouldnt make the slightest differance what we say! I would say what you felt was an ok average feeling to have, but your anxiety made you take a second look at it and ponder. Now by no means am i saying this to put you down, i want you to see where you went wrong… just like others taught me so i could move forward :)

  467. John S Says:

    Hi all, i understand not to fight and not to worry because I cant do anything to take away these feelings. Yet i still feel so down this week. I just feel really strange again and irritable. I know there is nothing I can do about it and Im not trying to fight my my way out of this and I dont know why Im feeling so down. I still feel apprehensive about going to places even though I have done them over and over for the past couple of months. Il still do them but I dont know why im apprehensive and feel tired all the time. I eat better than I was doing, and i sleep better. Is this just part of the road?

  468. Leanne Says:

    Heya John
    You’re tired because you’re wondering why you feel the way you do this week. You’re apprehensive, worried and feeling down. So these are emotions right? And emotions drain us right? Especially one’s that are not so nice. I know your plight. Its properly hard what you’re going through, here’s an exert from an email I sent to Paul a year ago.. This is a genuine, genuine email that has not been edited but I want to show you that I too felt the way you do.

    “Sorry to bother you, and I would post this on your blog but I am so so frustrated and I don’t want everyone to think I am whinging. I’ve stopped drinking in the week and I feel like I’ve lost support from it. The last couple of nights I’ve felt incredibly anxious (although no panic attacks) and this has led to blurry vision (is this normal) and really tingly hands in waves. Do you think its withdrawal symptoms from the alcohol or Anxiety or something else???

    I hate that one minute I feel like I am better and now I am not. There’s nothing bothering me anymore massively, I don’t have huge worries I just don’t get it. You don’t have to reply to this I know that you’ll just be repeating what you’ve said before to me. I feel a bit lost that’s all and I’m trying to remain normal and calm but its eating me up a bit.”

    I was EXHAUSTED. Worry worry worry thats all I did and I was up and I was down and then up again, and then down! It felt never ending. Always was I saying to myself, WHY! Sometimes even now I am better, I am really really down. I cry and all sorts. And what happens if I’m getting anxious again? What happens if I’m depressed? Who knows? Oh well, thats just the way it is for me. I accept it.

    To cut a long story short, I do think this is just a ride you have to travel to get to the best bit. Recovery. Accept this is how you feel. ACCEPT IT. Its just the way this week is panning out, but it will change again because it always does. Always always. Be brave John, you can ride this out and you will feel much stronger for doing so.

    Let it do its worse. It can’t hurt you it really can’t.

  469. LORRYT Says:

    I think the last bit is so true, we only believe it can hurt us, and thats when it all starts to go wrong for me anyway!. Candie i know you have come out of the other side, and its proof we can all do it. i ithnk i am getting too caught up in it all and need to just let things be for a while. i actually said to myself last night, sod it do what you want i dont care anymore. i did feel better, so that is gonna be my attitude ! too caught up in myself i think thats my trouble!.

    have a good day all, its beautiful down southxx

  470. John S Says:

    I think that even though Im accepting symptoms i forget that they will be stronger from time to time. I just didnt expect to feel so down and tired when I now have less fear of these sypmtoms. Im supposed to be going to my partners brothers wedding in wales in a month or two and i started thinking well what If i feel like this still. But i do stuff feeling like this all the time so i dont know why Im letting that thought affect me. More patience is needed pehaps. Acceptence seems easier at different times and i should probably accept that right?
    Thanks for responding
    John S

  471. Leanne Says:

    Yeah thats exactly it!

    Its a natural reaction to run. But to say to it, “Oh, come and get me then. Go on, I can’t fight you anymore, you win.”

    Actually means…..you win.

  472. Leanne Says:

    Also John, don’t dread things in a month’s time. Its unneccessary, take everything day at a time if you can. Try not to analyse it. (I fully see that this is easier said than done, EG: If you’re not trying to analyse something, are you analysing the not analysing of it! ;-))
    You know the deal, you have the tools mate, you use them but be nice to yourself, like yourself and give yourself some time to mend.

  473. Sam Says:

    Hey everyone,

    I use to post here alot but i took a break for a while to see if i could grasp anxiety on my own….scarlet and candie were always great..i started with anxiety in July 2008…have had alot of symptoms and alot of up and downs..Lately i feel like crap, i wake up and feel like gagging all the time + feel like dread all day. My appetiate is not there.

    all the questioning starts of course. I feel like a failure and worthless in life and hen start to cry. I know 8 months or 9 is not a long time but i wonder id talking to somene will help an pills i just hate them but will they also help??/

    As u can see i am desperate, i have read all the acceptance blogs and know i cant fight this. I also read Paul’s book and doing so for the second time.

    when i feel Dread, down i cannot accept this i feel like giving up but i stay strong because my wife is he best thing i have and she is so posiive in letting me know hat this will pass. i get my strength by listening to here and here telling me not to give up and let it be there..

    sorry for the long post i need major re-assurance..


  474. Scarlet Says:

    Hey Sam,

    Sorry to hear you are feeling crappy. I had a bad spell about 10 months after I initially started with anxiety. My husband went on a business trip and left me and my kids (totally alone) for 2 weeks (one a baby) and I was still suffering DP at the time, and I had a really bad setback, walked around in a dream-state for the whole 2 weeks, didn’t know whether I was coming or going. When he came back, it took me about a month to get back to where I’d left off, but in those days I hadn’t a clue about the ins and outs of anxiety, hadn’t come across this site, and the info for recovery…
    These days I’m on my own 24/7 and not a care in the world about anxiety, I have too many other things to worry about 😉 I am a totally different person to ‘that’ zombie walking around a couple of years back.

    So Sam, methinks you are having a setback, and yes you can have them on and off until the end, and sometimes they can last a while. I think you haven’t quite grasped the concepts fully yet, of accepting your symptoms and living alongside them whilst carrying on with ‘normal’ activities. .. but you will, and 8-9 months is not a long time.

    Personally I don’t think any pills will get rid of this, plus they have a whole host of other nasty side-effects that go along with them, so if you are managing without at the moment, I’d say you can do it to the end Sam, trust me, you can do it….

    Candie posted something a few days earlier from an oriental philosopher re: the path to full recovery, it’s all about NOT fighting or struggling, which is what you are still doing by the sounds of it…. what you need to do is get used to your symptoms/accept them instead of fighting them all day long, when you learn to do this, the fear will disappear, I can vouch wholeheartedly that this method works. Keep talking to us :-)



    Just thought everyone might like to read this quote from a philosopher:

    ”It is what east ancient philosopher said “acceptance”. There is no other ways. No matter you get social phobia, OCD, anxiety or depression; no matter you are suspect all the time, stutterer, insomnia, afraid of crazy, gluttony or anorexia, there is no way to get rid of that. The only way is to accept the truth; put down the weapon; don’t fight against it; slowly avoid repulsion; don’t try to eliminate it; try to get used to it. Gradually, you will learn not to conflict and fight with your symptoms again. At that time, you will recover completely. All anxiety is because of people cannot face the truth and accept everything. We must learn how to forgive and how to face. We don’t have other ways to go. Someone will say: don’t tell me about acceptance. I have accepted for so many years, but everything didn’t change! Actually, this is the most common misunderstanding of “acceptance”. This is only ostensible acceptance. They want to use acceptance as a way to eliminate symptoms. It is not the real acceptance. If you have really suffered a lot in your life, you can slowly accept your symptoms from your real heart. Only acceptance can change. Certainly, all the people can recover. We must go through the path all the way. This is the rule ”

    Completely ties in with the message here doesnt it, many people have discovered this and those people went onto fully recover….. so in the case of your question Louise, if it comes back so be it- you have to welcome it when it does… if you can learn to do this you wont fear it.

  475. Candie Says:

    I’m glad everyone liked that quote :) It really does sum everything up doesnt it, blunt but the answer we where all looking for and the one we learnt from Pauls book. I learnt that method here too, way before i found that quote… Paul, Scarlet and Lisas posts always influenced my recovery and continue to do so :)

  476. louise Says:

    Candie.it may not seem like it from my posts but i do try and accept the way im feeling,it came quite easy at first but i find it more difficult to accept with the passing of time.Ive felt this way for so long,lately ive had spells of feeling fab but it always changes i always go back to an anxious state.i feel i cant help but worry im destined to be like this.Im very motivated to get better,more so than ever but its difficult when i feel in the end i always hit a brick wall,but CANDIE your right,theres always what ifs???You get an answer to something and before long your looking fo the answer to something else,i guess i have to really stop with all these what ifs and get on with accepting how im feeling regardless.God,even while im writing this im thinking WHAT IF!!LOL Anyway you always give good advice candie and youve gave me something to think on speak soon xx

  477. Sam Says:

    thanks alot scarlet, your an angel and i knew i would fel better after your reply…


  478. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Sam,

    OK so here’s what you should be doing, it’s all about a shift in attitude 😉

    “Lately i feel like crap, i wake up and feel like gagging all the time + feel like dread all day. My appetiate is not there.”

    You feel like crap, SO WHAT!!!… feel crap, it’s OK, just get on with your day feeling crap. Gag if you have to, just do it without getting stressed over it. If you have no appetite, ‘REJOICE’ as you will lose a bit of weight… wish I had no appetite 😉

    “all the questioning starts of course. I feel like a failure and worthless in life and hen start to cry. I know 8 months or 9 is not a long time but i wonder id talking to somene will help an pills i just hate them but will they also help??”

    Cry away, it will clean your eyes out (that’s what someone told me once, stuck with me LOL)… a good cry is what you need sometimes. So what if you feel a failure at that moment in time, accept the way you feel, it will soon pass, it always does, just don’t feel the need to analyse how you feel in depth, accept it and let it be.

    “As u can see i am desperate, i have read all the acceptance blogs and know i cant fight this. I also read Paul’s book and doing so for the second time.”

    Hmmmm I hear the word ‘fight’ in this sentence. You don’t need to fight anything, just get on with your ‘normal’ life and let your mind heal, there’s no need to struggle or analyse any of your thoughts to the point of panic/depression. You need to adopt a ‘matter of fact attitude’ to the thoughts you are having, a ‘yeah if you say so’ attitude, and practice this whenever you get thoughts of being a failure, that it will last forever, that you can’t cope, need pills, need to see a psychiatrist, are schizophrenic, all the ‘what ifs’ etc etc etc. You can do this, it takes practice, but works a treat with time.

    “when i feel Dread, down i cannot accept this i feel like giving up but i stay strong because my wife is he best thing i have and she is so posiive in letting me know hat this will pass. i get my strength by listening to here and here telling me not to give up and let it be there..”

    Of course it will pass Sam, just get on with life as normal with your lovely wife and treat the anxiety as a friend that’s coming along as well for the time being…. stop seeing anxiety as the enemy. When you adopt this attitude shift, the fear slowly disappears as I said above, and what the oriental philisopher said, this is the only way to go for full recovery without relapse. You’ve gotta follow the path ALL the way.

    Candie, thanks for sharing that quote, I loved it xx

  479. Kashawn Says:

    Scarlet I love your posts :) Hope everyone is well.


  480. Nicole Says:

    Candie and Scarlet – you gals rock! When I reach another stage of recovery and I look at your posts, I can truly understand what you are saying. You are both able to clarify this experience so well.
    I am continuing to improve and have even come through this month’s hormonal wave without too much emotional upheaval.
    It is almost fun now when my brain reminds me that I have anxious feelings because I can FEEL “oh yeah, I don’t have to care about that” what an amazing realization! It is like some windows have opened in my heart and mind and I feel open inside. So again, thank-you, and to everyone who is going through a set-back ( and I might be joining you soon, who knows) this method is the only way and it works, keep the faith. Have a beautiful day all,

  481. John S Says:

    I woke up this morning and felt pretty dreadful but i got up wnt to the shop for some milk and came back and had some ceral and watched an episode of heroes. The whole time the attention was on me and my symptoms have been strong. Edgy, irritable, feeling down and daft thoughts such as am i accepting, will this really go. But to be honest i wasnt really feeling afraid anymore. I was kind of saying ‘come on lets be having you’. Im at work and still feel the same but i think my attitude is beginning to change at last. I understand that I might lose it again and maybe start to worry but its a transiition in attitude. Il try not to get down again if i lose it for a bit. It takes time to realise we are saying statements to make these feelings go instead of adopting the attitude that it doesn’t matter. I might even forget again after i have posted this but the correct attitide will return and for longer and longer. The stage we are all trying to be at is that we dont need statments because it really doesnt matter whether we think odd, scary things or that DP is strong, feel edgy, awful and irritable and apprehensive about going places. This is where I presume Paul, Candy and Scarlet got to and then started to see changes when they werent as bothered by their anxiety anymore.

    Hey Lisa, I just noticed an old post from you saying you live in North Yorkshire. Wherabouts? Its really hot round here at moment.
    Hope everyone is well

  482. Stephen Says:

    Hey everyone,

    Scarlet and candie just wanted to thank you for replying to my message i posted a few days ago, i truely appreciate it.

    i was thinking the other day how people with anxiety think they are going insane, when infact they are actually too sane in a way lol as they are too aware with whats going on with every little change in their bodys, just a random thought i had haha.


  483. Tracey Says:

    Hello Everyone! I haven’t been on the site in awhile because I have been doing exceptionally well but I wanted to see how everyone else was doing so I thought I’d visit. I noticed a post from Victor on the 20th and I also wanted to add to what Candie advised him. Victor — she is completely right and it took me a couple months to actually grasp the concept but I finally have. I would dwell on weird thoughts also and get very upset by them but I went back and read some of Scarlet and Candie’s old posts and something finally clicked and that’s when I grasped it and ever since I’ve been doing really well. I also recommend that you do this because it does help you understand a bit more. The key is no matter what thought you get, you just have to let it be there and not pay too much attention to it..let it come and if you have a reaction let that be there too but don’t add any other thoughts to it–just let it be and the habit will eventually dissappear. You will start to see the more you do this that your mind becomes more clear and things won’t seem as big of a deal as you once thought.

  484. lorryt Says:

    hi sam

    i totally understand about the time thing, im nealry two years down the line and would of thought by now that i would have been recovered, but i guess we all have our own rates of recovery, and depending on how our brains work too!!.but without a doubt without this site and pauls book im sure i wouldnt have come this far. but by asking the question of yourself its putting more pressure on your already tired mind. i realise that now, i have been having a rough time lately but have just given in and said so what who cares,and its helping. let it get on and do its stuff, it truly cant hurt us. have faith if others have done it, in time we willxxxxxxxxx

  485. Dean Says:

    Hi all

    I am feeling a bit anxious again and analysing my symptoms.ive just been like feeling like i cant breathe properly and like my chest is very tight.i do not know why its getting to me.


  486. James Says:

    Hi, my anxiety is nowhere near the burden it was 6 months ago but today i noticed a strange sensation. I was coming home from work on the train and despite the fact that i was passing things i am familiar with i started questioning them, their very existance, how they got there i.e. tree, train tracks and then the whole thought of how my surroundings have evolved really freaked me out. I know this sounds odd and i can assure you i have only been diagnosed with GAD but why do we have such strange thoughts/thought processes. This again is a classic example of me analysing things but i cannot help it. Strange? Can anyone explain the lack of logic behind this? My thoughts just seem so disorderly

  487. Scarlet Says:

    Hi James,

    Glad to hear you made some strides.

    “I know this sounds odd and i can assure you i have only been diagnosed with GAD but why do we have such strange thoughts/thought processes.”

    You’re just overanalysing ordinary daily things which you wouldn’t normally give a second thought to… nothing to be overly concerned about. When you are anxious, your mind is in analysing mode, and you are fearful, and like a magnet the fear makes you latch on to even more anxious provoking thoughts, and you then get yourself into an anxiety loop where every thought becomes anxiety provoking, even things like you described above, scenery, bodily sensations. It’s like you have a raised awareness of your existance, and the things around you.

    I had some really weird thoughts when I was suffering, like what if I fall off the earth LOL. I laugh at this one now, but I scared myself to death analysing it too much after doing some HW with my eldest on the solar system.

    You have to treat these ‘odd’ thoughts the same way as you would for any intrusive thought. ie. brush them off as nonsense when they enter your mind and don’t feel the need to take them any further, and they will pass.

  488. Sam Says:

    Hey Lorryt,

    You are totally right about being calm and everyone has there pace and time but will recover…I talk to alot of people that went through it and always ask them the same question: (but you do get over this right???)and the tell me yes but it takes time. time i have but when you put the physical symptoms in the middle of this recovery, its hard..After 9 Months i would of thought that i wouldn’t feel these symptoms, but they are still there.

    I cant wait to tell someone that yes i went through anxiety and got out of it. I get good weeks so i know its possible but the bad ones just seem to erase all the good when they come..

    Faith i guess…


  489. louise Says:

    Sam,thats how i feel,i get days when i feel fab,function 100% am able to think outwardly and feel,dare i say it RELAXED!!But i know what you mean the bad days seem to hold that power of erasing the good ones.Im workin on the notion that if i can be sooooo cool some of the time then whats to say i cant be like this all of the time.Its a nice thought!!Its reassurring to read that setbacks are part and parcel of recovery,keep the faith xx

  490. lorryt Says:


    i recently wen through a period of having 3 wonderful days, they were just days without anything ! it was great , and im sure in time i will return to that all the time. yesterday wasnt so good, but today well its another day another chance to get it right. If Paul can get through ten years of getting it wrong and eventually get it right then their is hope for us all. i know some days we just get through without any hope at all, we temporaRILY LOSE THE FAITH, but it always comes back to ‘we will get there’.
    just think how thingshave changed in 9 months for you, i still get the physical feelings but i dont care about them any more, mine seems more a mental struggle with the thoughts, i just need to adopt the same attitude as i did to the physical side of it. just stay with it and bits just dropinto place one at a time ( been slow for me) but slow progress is better than no progress!, and im not on meds anymore ( was on them for 8 years, varying ones, which i relaise now did me no good at all) this site is the best thing i have ever come upon to help me.
    have a good day allxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  491. Lynda Says:

    Hi everyone – I was last on here at the end of January when I was given some great advice about handling horrible/obsessive thoughts. I adopted the ‘whatever/as if’ attitude and it really did help – although the thoughts popped up sometimes, I felt as though I was dealing with them and my attitude towards them and the dp I experience when under stress seemed to shift and I felt I had learned a lot from you kind people. During the last 3 weeks I have had quite a traumatic/stressful time and at the back of my mind I was expecting myself to get in a ‘state’ once again, like I normally do and, of course, it has arrived! The dp, feeling as though I’m on another planet and not functioning (although I am) is back big time. Although I know it will fade as it always does and I am not scared of it any more, what do all of you who have recovered from anxiety do when under extreme stress? Do any of your symptoms return and, if so, how do you deal with them? I wonder how much of it is habit after all these years.

    Sorry to take so much and not give anything back to this board but maybe one day I will be able to.
    Thanks so much.

  492. Fiona Says:

    Hi Lynda, i totally empathise i’ve been hit hard by DP for the past few days for the first time in ages. It really is a horrible feeling but as you say it always passes as it did last time but its still not nice…… any advice would be welcome.
    Fiona xx

  493. Scarlet Says:

    Hu Lynda,

    “I was last on here at the end of January when I was given some great advice about handling horrible/obsessive thoughts. I adopted the ‘whatever/as if’ attitude and it really did help – although the thoughts popped up sometimes, I felt as though I was dealing with them and my attitude towards them and the dp I experience when under stress seemed to shift and I felt I had learned a lot from you kind people. During the last 3 weeks I have had quite a traumatic/stressful time and at the back of my mind I was expecting myself to get in a ’state’ once again, like I normally do and, of course, it has arrived! The dp, feeling as though I’m on another planet and not functioning (although I am) is back big time. Although I know it will fade as it always does and I am not scared of it any more, what do all of you who have recovered from anxiety do when under extreme stress? Do any of your symptoms return and, if so, how do you deal with them? I wonder how much of it is habit after all these years.”

    You are having a setback, which will pass in due course Lynda. Until you are able to grasp the concept of acceptance and implement it without being fearful of your thoughts, you will continue to have setbacks here and there, which is to be expected during recovery..

    recovery is bumpy, there’ll eb days/moments you feel confident that it will pass and then the ‘Doubting Thomas’ in you comes back. It’s perfectly normal to feel like this, recovery WOULDN’T happen without these setbacks, they are learning opportunities, and periods when you build up your confidence (usually without realising)…

    Also you mention that your were expecting to feel this way, and Hey Presto! it happened… ‘see the power of the mind’!!. In my early days I walked around with DP for almost a year, just couldn’t shift it… looking back I realise that each morning when I woke up I summoned it, and it would appear, I had got into such a bad habit, but of course I didn’t realise it. I should have woken up, broke the cycle by laughing in the face of it, rather than being petrified of it, which kept it coming.

    So Lynda, what you mist do to break the DP cycle is to carry on as normal, don’t give it any weight, welcome it as an old friend!!!… have absolutely no fear of it, and don’t follow through on any intrusive thoughts. I promise you it will pass, and when it does you will be a wee bit stronger for it.

    As for handling stress when you have recovered, well you do it the same way you did before the anxiety. You worry, and even get stressed out at times, BUT you don’t equate it with an anxiety condition… Once you master the acceptance and the rules for recovery through education and practice, you will be able to deal with ANY stressful situation without resorting to thinking inwards again. I have had some pretty stressful times since I recovered, and many have been worse than what got me clinical anxiety/depression in the first place, but I will never go back to that cycle of thinking, as I have learned to cut off anxious thoughts in their prime before they spiral out of control. I use the principles that Paul mentions in all life situations these days…. and I am absolutely sure that each and everyone suffering anxiety on this site can do it as well.


  494. Fiona Says:

    Hi Scarlet, that post really helps me also, i know i have the tools for recovery but implementing them is taking a lot of time. I’m not scared of any symptom but i cant stop obsessing about anxiety. For example when i’m driving i feel i literally have nothing else to think about and really cannot break this thought pattern. Before i had anxiety i could happily daydream myself from one place to another.

    “looking back I realise that each morning when I woke up I summoned it, and it would appear, I had got into such a bad habit, but of course I didn’t realise it. I should have woken up, broke the cycle by laughing in the face of it, rather than being petrified of it, which kept it coming”.

    This is exactly what i need to do and what i’m going to practise. I already know this is the right way but sometimes its hard to stop the obsessing about symptoms therefore bringing them on and keeping them strong.

    Fiona xx

  495. Natalie Says:

    Good morning!

    I haven’t written for a couple months now, however i often pop in to keep up to date with the posts.
    I must say i have definately been feeling more human lately, or should i say more back to my old self! Not entirely, but little glimmers are appearing. Like laughing loads. It seems silly really, laughing really hard is something that people take for granted, however, for me this symbolises the return to my old self. Which is totally ace!
    I guess what i’m saying is that i’m well and truly recovering, and there is no doubt about the fact that i have this site to thank for that. Anyone reading this who is feeling like utter crap – do hang around here, it really is the best place to be.

    A lot of you guys say you have a moment in recovery where things ‘click’ into place. i haven’t had that, it’s been more a case of forgetting about anxiety (can’t believe i’d actually ever say that – yippeee!!!!!!!) so much so that i couldn’t possibly name a week or a month when things started to get better. It’s all been so slow and gradual for me. Recovery is different for everyone.

    On my last post i said i was thinking about getting a job (i hadn’t worked for a year because of my anxiety) well i got one! it’s part-time but it’s going really well, and i’m looking into doing some travelling too, and i’m learning spanish!

    I do get depersonalisation sometimes still, and small set-backs, but they come with little force. I’ve come through so many massive set-backs now that a few small ones here and there just don’t bother me. They happen in the background now, as appose to completely taking over.

    I do have a hurdle that i want to get over – driving! I passed my test when i was 17 and i havent really driven since as i went off to uni without a car. I’m now 25. My mum said i can get insured on her car, which i’d love to but i’m so scared. It’s not because i haven’t driven for so long, more a case of having a panic, or experiencing DP behind the wheel. I’m wondering what i should do to overcome this? Maybe any of you drivers out there could shed some light?

    It’s my day off today so i’m going to do a spot of sunbathing as it’s so pleasant out! I hope you guys are all having nice weather where you are!

    A great day all
    Natalie x

  496. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Scarlet, that post really helps me also, i know i have the tools for recovery but implementing them is taking a lot of time. I’m not scared of any symptom but i cant stop obsessing about anxiety. For example when i’m driving i feel i literally have nothing else to think about and really cannot break this thought pattern. Before i had anxiety i could happily daydream myself from one place to another


    Even though you have the tools for recovery, doesn’t mean you will be able to implement them straight away, it takes practice and a whole lot of patience to change behaviour/attitude/addiction, but it does come……took me about a year to grasp the concepts really, even when I knew what to do, as I was in a continuous cycle of believing it will work then doubting again.

    In the car, get yourself some music on and sing, or learn a language, or get some audio tapes… “Don’t stress the small stuff” is a great one for the car. You’ll soon be daydreaming again 😉

  497. Fiona Says:

    You know what i really like the idea of learning a language and i actually have a learn spanish cd at home…… anything beats Chris Moyles in the morning!!

  498. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Natalie,

    “A lot of you guys say you have a moment in recovery where things ‘click’ into place. i haven’t had that, it’s been more a case of forgetting about anxiety (can’t believe i’d actually ever say that – yippeee!!!!!!!) so much so that i couldn’t possibly name a week or a month when things started to get better. It’s all been so slow and gradual for me. Recovery is different for everyone.”

    My recovery was the same as you, slow and gradual… it’s only when I had almost fully recovered that it clicked into place, and I felt peace of mind had descended (took me almost 2 years to fully recover)…. otherwise it was a slow and sometimes painful recovery, one where I hardly noticed improvements most of the time… just like you.

    As for the driving, can you get someone to accompany you for the first 4 or 5 times, just to get practising. I am the same with driving to be honest, I passed my test first time ages ago, and haven’t had a car for a long time.. now I am a bit nervous about getting back on the road, especially since I live abroad and they drive like maniacs over here… Hopefully some of the ‘seasoned’ drivers on here can help you a bit more re: driving with DP.

  499. Fiona Says:

    I drive with DP but dont have a problem, driving is second nature for me though. I have never been a nervous driver and have always enjoyed driving and the freedom it gives. Defo get out on the road especially with the nice weather starting! I’ve got a wee convertialble and love getting my top off!!! (the roof obviously).
    Fiona xxx

  500. Leanne Says:

    Hey Dean,
    I notice no one came back to your post. I hope these symptoms have passed now. It is just anxiety although, they are very real feelings and truly are there. Its not anythign more serious than anxiety and once you calm down these feelings will pass.
    I used to check my pulse regularly as I kept thinking my heart had stopped also, if my left side went tingly I thought I was having a heart attack, but not one of these symptoms came to anything and so I am safe in the knowledge that is anxiety.

  501. john s Says:

    I keep having a thought that even though I feel Im coping better that all of a sudden I wont be able to cope anymore and I’ll become a bit of a wreck.
    Now, as I can’t control this thought I think im correct in assuming that I should even allow this thought to keep popping into my head. Because its not our thoughts that keep us ill, but our reaction to them. Any comments? Im asking for reassurance on this when I know deep down that this is correct.

    With regard to driving, seriously do not worry about it. I have had dp for 2 1/2 years ( sometimes strong, sometimes weak but always there) and I have never really had a problem driving. It felt really weird at one point but thats it. Everyting felt really weird. Thats what Dp does. Makes things strange and odd but it has no effect on driving capabilities whatsoever.

    John S

  502. Ben Says:

    I’m not sure if I am just going through a particularly rough setback at the moment but I feel like I am slowly getting worse instead of better. :-(

    Is this a normal thing to happen when going through acceptance or is it just a case of me doing it all wrong ?!?

    I won’t bother listing symptoms etc as I guess they are all related to the same thing… I just feel like I am going mad at the moment with this whole thing and I am going backwards.

  503. Candie Says:

    True acceptance is to surrender to the anxiety, that does not mean to passively put up with it- but to deeply acknowledge its presecence without judgement or the need to initiate change. If you are complaining to yourself about a certain symptom, you are not accepting, sometimes you arent even putting up with it either… you are fighting. When you trually accept anxiety there is no resistance and it can flow away eventually. All the symptoms of every case of anxiety where never the cause of suffering, the suffering was caused by the mental resistance which then hightened the sensations and prolonged the suffering.

    No one is saying to like it, it is what it is- just allow it.

  504. john s Says:

    I really like your posts candy about acceptence. I feel like i am just ‘being’ and living with my symptoms. I just keep having the thought that i will stop having this new approach and end up worrying again. Its quite silly but i was just wondering if you had any comments about this thought. Its probably just my heightend anxiety levels that are making me react to, right? :)

  505. louise Says:

    Hey LORRYT thanx for replying,i went down like a sack of spuds with my last setback,i was amazed,because i thought i had finally “GOT IT”Now i know truly that setbacks are part of recovery,and i do believe we learn something with every setback we have(always in retrospect)!!Ive had to give myself a good shake,im reading pauls book again and ive been browsing through some old posts,i enjoy reading yours you seem very positive!!!Im feeling ok now and tryng to look to the future with hope.Ive been this way for 10 years but ive only started talking about it and really opening up.Sometimes i feel like im not geting anywhere but i know i must be,i havent touched my betablockers in 2 months!!!!Theyre still in my bag though,just in case!My thoughts dont really frighten me anymore,but social situations sometimes TERRIFY me and dp is horrible,even more so when your in company!!We have to keep the faith and its a god send having paul and everyone else on this page.Hope everyone is having a good day xx

  506. Scarlet Says:


    Loved your last post hun.


  507. mike Says:

    hello everyone.
    natalie glad you are beating the anxiety, id just go for it and maybe go out with your mum for a few weeks in the car and then just see how you go. dont see it as a hurdle my love. if you can beat anxiety you can do anything.
    Ben, my friend. the setbacks are real bad mate but dont beat your self up about it just let it be there and keep going about the day as you would showing the anxiety no respect and youll get out of this setback. i was exactly the same a couple of months ago and i know its not easy but youll do it mate.

  508. Lynda Says:

    Scarlet thanks for replying – I have welcomed the old friend back and agree that after each set back I do come out of it feeling a bit stronger than the last time and understanding it more. My attitude towards the whole thing has changed though because I do know why the symptoms are what they are and they don’t scare me like they used to. The worst feeling is the DP but it does always pass and I never let it stop me carrying on with my normal day to day life. Thanks again, you are so calming!
    Fiona – I know only too well how you are feeling with the DP – hope we both go onwards & upwards from now on! I am a good listener so if ever you want to unload I will try to help you (or you me!)
    Love to you all x

  509. Candie Says:

    Aww thanks Scarlet, its all from the book we are reading! I just worded it slightly diff x

  510. Ben Says:

    Cheers Mike/Candie – some good words there. I keep slipping into this “fighting” frame of mind when I start to feel bad again which is so not the way to go.

    It’s interesting what you say Candie about deeply acknowledging its presence as opposed to putting up with it. I think I have just been doing the latter rather than simply accepting it as part of me and carrying on. With me it is more like it is there in the background and I can handle it and then it gets a bit worse, overwhelms me and then I feel fed up – this is clearly not acceptance.

  511. Fiona Says:

    Aw thanks Lynda, to be honest we could probably write each others story at the moment! I was doing ok then whack, DP worse than i’ve had in a very long time. But like yourself getting on with life as per. But i do find you get breaks in the DP and obviously it dies down when the breaks get longer and longer. I think when a setback happens you know you must accept but i think you have to get your head round being in a setback then put the correct attitude in to practise. I think a setback starts because you have lost your way with symptoms and start fighting and obsessing. The setback causes you to implement the correct attitiude and thinking again and as you say it’s onwards and upwards when the setback dies down again.
    Fiona xxx

  512. Candie Says:

    Hey Ben… i think you do have a level of acceptance there, as if you was fighting a lot it would not be in background. However full acceptance is to relinquish control to banish a symptom, it is to bring it into your awareness but without judgement or a need to push it away or fix it. Doing that removes resistance and then your mind and body can 100% heal itself. If you think about it this way alls we have is the present moment, however the anxious person is always trying to rectify past suffering and eradicate future suffering. All that effort is wasted though, as if you trually accept how you feel and just go with the present moment you can cope with anything. You can not cope with the past, its happened and cant be changed. You can not cope with the future, its not happened yet so you will just make yourself apprehensive. Alls you have is now, acceptance is facing and not resisting the anxiety in the now… if you can do that then the past can be let go and the future can be shaped and changed with the positive healthy habits you implament in the now.

    Sorry if i waffle on, but i really need to get the message home as for a long time none of this was even acknowledged by me but i feel its the only way forward. Also when i say to focus on the anxiety, i dont mean you have to do this all the time- just when you feel like your starting to slip back into habits.

  513. louise Says:

    Candie,love your advice xxHad to take one of my betablockers lastnight,felt very overwhelmed on my way to a social occasion,felt like i was starting to behave a bit manic,most likely i wasnt,but for sure my adrenalin was pumpin!!!!Anyway feeling a wee bity annoyed with myself,first ive touched meds in months,and once i got to my social occasion turned out the person i was meeting was an absolute bag of nerves herself!!!!Funny how i never contemplated that!!!Anyway hope everyone has a good day xx

  514. Nikki Says:

    Hi all.Hope everyone feeling good today.I have been in a bit of a setnack this last week. I have been on holiday for a few days and have had time to dwell a bit.Before I went away I was 98 %, not thinking about anxiety or symptoms just getting on,now I feel all stressed again.This thing is really strange, I follow paul and candies advice.I live my life as i always have I dont avoid anything, In fact if anything I challenge myself and actually let bad feelings in so I can smile to myself about how they are not actually bad at all.I try not to see anxiety as a problem because actually it isnt it doesnt interfere with anything I want to do.I just dont like feeling this way. I am still the confident person I was only better and alot less judgemental. I am now enjoying things i used to.Its the tiredness that bothers me everything is a huge effort and I have this odd feeling about going upstairs (lol) Its really weird it makes me smile Im sure it stems from back in january when this thing first started I had really bad D.P and didnt like being upstairs on my own . That was brilliant peice you posted candie from the philosopher,so true. I think we all get so wrapped up in the “am I accepting” that it becomes a new worry.My way of thinking is this is who I am now, Just like I was a bit of different person this time last year, I will be different again this time next year.I continue with my day regardless of everything,some days are great and i trully feel I am moving along other days I am really disinterested in anything and im full of apprehension/worry these days make me feel like I never had agood one and I get impatient to be right again.Sorry for having a bit of a moan but I know that you all understand what Im saying and writing on here is very theraputic I find it helps alot to get my head clear and help me focus. Hope you all having a good day xxx

  515. lorryt Says:


    i often post and have a gripe , moan, but it too helps me focus, get it off my chest. it has to come out somehow. it just helps that people on here are very positive, and understanding. dont ever apologise, i used to do it alot ! still do from time to time. but as long as you are having days that are good as i did yesterday, it is progress. not so good today but so what ! doesnt matter. future doesnt matter, we have to get on with today.

    have a great day allxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  516. Kashawn Says:

    Nikki, I understand how you feel. It all comes down to your understanding of anxiety; im near recovery and i still have bad days its all in your attitude. Do not assume you are back to square one just because of a few bad days that come out of nowhere. Recovery is truly a rollercoaster with its up and downs, have faith in your body’s healing system, let the bad days pass and live on focusing on outwardly things:) Also, even during your worst days, these are the days to stay busy doing outward things because this would mean no fuel for the anxiety setback which ultimately means the setback leaves you quicker.

    Your doing great keep it up :)


  517. lorryt Says:

    you are extremely positive person Kashawn, i just wish sometimes i could be as forward and positive as you are and relaxed!

  518. lisa Says:

    lorry you can be, when you think negative its just replacing it with a positive, then you get in the habit of thinking positive. thanks candie also,i love your posts to, and glad you find the mindfulness helpful. ;-). just finished painting, off for a nice relaxing bath and a chinese tonight, deserve it after my week hehe. got friends coming for a bbq tomorrow so have a lovely weekend everyone, hope the sun stays out for us all :-)

  519. Fiona Says:

    I dont know if nyone else does this but when i’m logging on i always type anxietynomore into google…. and i’ve noticed that there has 65,000,000 million searches for the word anxiety!!!! That is shocking….. surely it must be one of the most searched words on the internet…. just goes to show!!

  520. Fiona Says:

    *sorry not 65,000,000 million just 65 million 😉

  521. Nikki Says:

    lorryt ,Thanks for your support it really does help when someone who understands can reply to posts. Keep on having good days :-) Kashawn -How right you are it is all in the attitude since posting this morning I have put the anxiety subject on one side,I have been shopping and took the kids swimming I am now feeling alot better and I know it is because I went out and focused my attention somewhere else.I still have the same anxiety I had this morning but the attitude towards it has changed and this is why I believe we have setbacks ,Its a change in attitude and you just need a reminder to set you back on track again, Changing habits takes a while.One of the main reasons I got into this place Im at is because I only worked and took care of everyone else I didnt have hobbies or interests so now I am “getting a life” I am filling my days, not because I want to be rid of anxiety but because not having hobbies and doing stuff contributed to me finding myself here I was tired and had lost interest and I thank anxiety for opening my eyes to see where I was going wrong . If I am impatient it is only to fully enjoy life as I hadnt before and I shall no matter how hard it gets carry on with this path because each day we all walk down it we are all stronger and better people for having had this experience, anxiety can be a blessing if you use it to your advantage.Im off out in the morning to find a riding stable for my daughter who is 8 she is really shy so i said i would ride with her which i havent done since i was about 13 so wish me luck , good days to all xxxx

  522. Phoebe Says:

    Hello all.

    This is the first time I have posted but I have been looking at this site and reading the blog on and off for a while. I just want to thank you so much Paul for creating this site and to everyone here who shares their experiences. For me, stumbling across this website has been a life-saver and one of the only things to keep me going during some very dark and lonely months. It has been such a relief to find people out there who feel the way that I do…and to realise that I am not alone.

    I have always been anxious, right from 7 or 8 years old. I have always worried about what kind of person I am, whether I am doing the right thing, whether I am going mad or I am just plain “bad”…and last summer it obviously got too much for my mind/body to handle and I spiralled down into a great depression (I am now 30). The worst thing for me was the depersonalisation and anhedonia. I was at such a low point that I could not feel *anything* other than desperation and sadness. Ironically, this should have been when I should have been happiest – I had just become engaged to my wonderful fiance (now husband) and I was finally doing what I wanted to do in life (studying medicine). However, I could feel nothing joyous, nothing good, no love…just emptiness. I then began to focus more than ever on how I was feeling – questioning myself all the time. I was totally living in my head and could see no way out. I was filled with guilt that I was feeling *nothing* and yet getting married. In my head I knew that I loved my fiance but I could only feel numb and empty and this was destroying me…and I was pretty much obsessed with this thought/worry day in/day out. I felt heartbroken and so confused.

    I was eventually put on antidepressants by my GP (after much persuasion it has to be said) and these helped reduce any suicidal thoughts I had been having (though I was sure I would never have acted upon them) and I got onto an even keel…some feelings and emotions started to come back. I got married and I have to say it was one of the happiest days of my life and I felt fully present (and very relieved). However, a week or so later doubt crept back in and I was filled with worries about my lack of feelings the year before (even though I knew rationally that the depression and anxiety would explain this).

    Cut to the present…I am now off the antidepressants and feeling better for it (I found that they flattened my mood after a few months). However, I still spend far too much time trapped in my own head…worrying and obsessing about the numbness and depersonalisation I felt (and occasionally still do feel). I feel tormented by the thoughts that I have potentially ruined my husband’s life if the “numbness” and”emptiness” were/are something other than anxiety (i.e. they were indicating that the relationship was not right). I do not know how to move forward…I have read your book Paul (thank you) and found it incredibly helpful and insightful but I’m afraid I keep viewing myself as perhaps the one person it does not apply to….

    I feel like sometimes I am moving forward, but my world always seems to come crashing down. I just can’t imagine a life of not living in my head and am worried that the shadow of last summer will always be hanging over me.

  523. louise Says:

    GOOD LUCK NIKKI,as requested!!Took my yougest to the park today,felt really well,feeling positive again after a dodgy week.Im trying to view setbacks with better attitude but its sooooo difficult when you feel so awful,Lastweek i felt terribly anxious,the fear of my symptoms came back with a vengance,i got on with things as best as i could but i felt as though everyone knew how i was feeling,then of course paranoia kicks in.I wont go on,the imporatnt thing is the setback HAS passed and once again ive learned that theyALWAYS do and that they dont/cant bring you any real harm!!Im starting to really realise that anxiety tests you to the max,it tries so hard to get you believing the worse.Over the last couple of days ive been thinking really negative,i even go as far as imagining myself making a complete fool of myself in social situations,its mad,but these thoughts have me convinced and you end up acting them out!!Just shows you the power of your mind.I know these thoughts are caused by excess arenaline looking for release and i suppose in order to override them is to carry on regardless and show my anxious mind that i can be ok even when its telling me i cant.I think if i can start doing this ill get so much further in my recovery.Sorrt i said iw wouldnt go on..But as LORRYT said it does help to offload,dont know how id cope without this website.Hope everyone is doing well,the weather in SCOTLAND is beautiful..for a change LOL!! xxxx

  524. lorryt Says:


    i spose you are right, i just find it rellay tricky sometimes just thinking astraight let alone positive ! im sure it will all come back to me eventually.Having kids is quite stressfull especially when they are like my two and hate each other at the moment. have a good day allxxxxxxxxxxx

  525. Kashawn Says:

    Lorryt thank you for the comment :)

    With Anxiety, the more positive thoughts you create in your mind the better; why let negative thoughts flood your mind? Allow them to be there but dont add to them; smile and know you will be alright. Believing these false negative thoughts will make anxiety the topic of the day which becomes boring :P. Even when I feel the worst I keep focused on whatever Im doing, try to get in the habit of not paying the anxiety symptoms any respect-its a habit that grows as you do it more and more, time will show you.

    All the best

  526. trez Says:

    hi everyone,sorry havent been on for a few weeks think im in a setback,have been feeling really awful the last couple of weeks,ive started analizing everything again and thinking that something is goin to happen to me,it feels like im goin to lose my memory or something,it may sound awful but its not a nice feeling,ive also started feeling strange around people and strange when im doing things,i thought that i had accepted everything because i had a good week,when i had the good week i was still thinking about having bad days,hope its just a setback.xx

  527. teresa Says:

    Hi all, – reading some of the posts here shows how much of an up and down affair recovery is. We all report feeling better, all say we understand and then the next thing we can’t see it for ourselves again. It is so illogical, and what I have noticed is it attaches itself to whatever you dislike most. I was reading Paul’s post and noticed how he mentioned the magnification of symptoms or thoughts when ‘it’ returns.
    I had a time this week when I thought,I really get this, each time it comes to me it comes with a deepened understanding, I was so convinced that symptoms did not matter anymore, when they did not matter they fizzled away (not immediately but they fade into the background). I could feel the layers peeling away, I understood that it did not matter what the symptom was all that had happened was that the focus was back on ‘me’ and once this moved so would whatever symptom that was bothering me – understanding bringing the comfort of belief and actually wondering how you could ever be so duped by your own thinking. Then you lose it again – and whoops here comes the fear, the symptoms that had faded and did not matter , all of a sudden become big and matter. But despite this – there is a core understanding that this is ‘now’ and will pass – the hardest part now is to stop myself looking for something to alter my mood/symptoms as I do know that it needs to be left, needs to be confronted as part of recovery – it needs to meet me and for me to show no fear, it will eventually stop trying to frighten me when I show that I am not frightened of it – am I on the right track and does re reading posts or the book when we feel like this mean that we are looking for a way out or is it a means of getting our understanding back.
    Welcome Phoebe – there are others here who will be far more helpful than myself but perhaps I can offer a little help as I am online at the moment. I am sure you thoughts/feelings are linked to anxiety – it attaches itself to your greatest fear and will play on it – a good indicator of this is if something extreme happens and diverts your attention you forget the thoughts for the time being. Because you think so much of your husband your anxiety is playing tricks with you and making you think these thoughts. If you didn’t feel so strongly about your relationship the anxiety would not bother with it. I find I’m worse when about to do something I used to love, like going on hols or going for a night out – that’s because the fear of ‘it will spoil it comes in’ – can you see what it does? I have sympathy with you on all your thoughts, I and LOADS of people on here can identify with the I WILL BE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN’T RECOVER – I’m having little niggles about that right now – the difference being is that I KNOW it is anxiety trying to get my attention. You will get better – you have all of the people on this site to help you, as I have been told – you have the tools now and others to guide you. Keep the faith and we will all get there – we just need to give it time. You’ve found the right place to guide you through to your recovery.

  528. Phoebe Says:

    Theresa – thank you so much for your welcome and your advice/thoughts. I am sorry to hear that you have been going through a difficult time too. I hope things get easier for you as well (and everyone else who is on here and suffering).

    My rational mind *knows* that it is the anxiety/depression causing the numbness/lack of emotion both now (on occasions) and in the past…but it is so different when it actually comes to truly *believing* it. I think you’re right when you talk about anxiety attaching itself to the things that are most important to you/things you love. Before we were engaged I spent hours/days/months worrying that my husband did not want to marry me or perhaps he did not love me enough (there was no reason for me to think this…it was just my greatest fear)…but when we did get engaged I guess my anxiety had to find a new focus and hey presto, here I am… It would be the worst thing for me if things did not work out with me and my husband (especially as I was convinced from early on that he was “the one”) and so I guess this is where my anxiety is directed. [I also know that, from experience, when a relationship has not been right I was able to accept this and deal with it, however painful at the time.] However, whilst this seems to make sense to me on one level I am not sure why I just can’t accept it and move forward?? I really does break my heart and the emptiness I sometimes feel is so painful (if that makes sense…)

    I really shall try and have some faith. I really want to believe that I will recover and that one day this will all be some distant memory…

  529. teresa Says:

    Phoebe, as I said earlier there are people on here recovered and well down the road to recovery and when they are on line they will ‘chip in’ and give you advice too.
    Perhaps if you look at Kashwan’s last post, it says about the ‘false’ negative thinking. I know what you mean about *knowing* and *believing* – when you *believe* it’s like the sun is shining in your mind and when we *know* we want to make ourselves *believe*. Thing is that whatever you try to force yourself to do whilst you’r e on this journey it will just reinforce the thought you don’t want. It’s like when you’re on a diet and you can’t stop thinking about food, or smoking and you try and stop! Easy for me to say but what you need to do is, accept you’re going to think like this for a short while, just because you are accepting it doesn’t mean you have to believe the thought. Just leave it have it’s space for the time being – try and find some things you like doing and get involved in them, be prepared to leave the thought be a part of you. Tell it – it can stay for the time being but you are not going to spend time watching it. If at all possible focus on ‘all’ of life not just the bad moments – we tend to look at the worst parts of the day when we are like this heavily alarming ourselves . As You said you KNOW that you love your husband be happy for now that you KNOW it, leave belief come of it’s own accord don’t look for it, let it come to you – it will, you can be sure of that and all this will be in the past.

  530. Phoebe Says:

    P.S. Teresa – I just realised I mispelt your name above. Please accept my apologies – terribly dopey of me :(

    P.P.S. I am now worrying that I haven’t explained myself very well in my above posts…but I guess that’s all part of the anxiety, eh?!

    Wishing everyone an enjoyable rest of the weekend

    x Phoebe

  531. Phoebe Says:

    Thank you Teresa x

  532. Candie Says:

    Phoebe i used to have a very simlar thought about my partner too- i new i loved him but because i couldnt muster up the right emotional response and be able to dismiss the thought i would obsess. Recognise that the anxious mind is what is stopping you letting go of this thought, so no ammount of effort to be rational with it will give you and relief as the anxious mind is irrational! Your best bet would be to accept and allow yourself to not have the rational response…. when your mind reverts back to the anxious thoughts recognise it is your anxious mind responsible for this, accept its ok to have an over reactive irrational response and finally dismiss it as rubbish. Even if you still panic at the thought, accept that as anxiety playing its tricks too. Just aslong as you keep re-inforcing the new habit of: *acknowledging the anxiety, accepting you cant react with a rational response (which is temporary) and then dismiss the irrational fear as rubbish…. this will become your new way of thinking and your mind will be able to let go of the anxiety. When i say dismiss i dont mean you have to force your point, you dont want to argue mentally with yourself- just dismiss whatever you fear as rubbish- even if your mind wont allow you to let this go you have to dismiss the fear

  533. teresa Says:

    Me again – don’t worry about the name Phoebe, and glad to be of some help, Candie has now posted and has a way of putting things in a way that you can understand – so hope her post has helped you.

    Candie – I mentioned in my ‘long post’! that I wondered if reading old posts or re reading the book is an acceptable way of getting our understanding back on track, or is it looking for a way out. I find that as I re read stuff that sometimes I start to increasingly understand, same goes with posting.
    How you feeling Candie? I’m going with my daughter for another scan for her 12 weeks on Monday – she was a bit early last time. How long have you got left now?

  534. Candie Says:

    Hi Teresa

    I see what you mean, you are wondering am i reading to understand or am i reading for some form of temporary relief. As long as you are reading to understand and gain insight then you are on the right track, some days we understand completely and others we seem to of lost it all- i found if i forgot things a quick refresh of the concept of acceptance put me on track again eventually. Habit does try and drag you back under, those habits where all you new for long enough for them to become a problem- so forgive yourself for not always been able to get it right. I can see why you got confused though, as sometimes when we re-read info we understand again and then feel relief to be on the right path… this can be mistaken as re-reading for that feeling of relief. As long as you are doing it to gain understanding and not to rid yourself of what is then dont threat. I think you have the right idea anyway, dont worry if your mind sometimes strays of track…. mine still does- however the good thing is its not as often now!

    I am feeling very tired and irritated now Teresa grrr, i have 8 weeks left so not long now! I hope you enjoy the scan, its lovely to see the baby bouncing around on the screen isnt it!

  535. teresa Says:

    Thanks Candie, I appreciate your helpful reply – I realise by even concerning myself with the thought that should I / should I not be re reading the posts books etc that that in itself is silly. Just do it, take the refreshed uunderstanding, sometimes new understanding of stuff I’ve already read and not taken in – and then get on with the day/life. I am glad you think i am on the right track, as you said habit does try hard but I will forgive myself and let it be. I’m on the road.
    Tiredness is hard when you’re expecting, especially the beginning and the end, but well worth it – do you know what you’re having, I know you’re having a baby but a girl or a boy , LOL. 8 weeks, won’t be long and a very happy summer to take your new baby out in the pram!

  536. Scarlet Says:

    Welcome to the blog Phoebe.

    Teresa, I think re-reading old posts and Pauls book is a good way of getting your mind back on track. Also perhaps when you read them the first time your mind wasn’t receptible, and the second/third time you are able to digest the info more. I remember suffering myself and going on google quests (as we all do 😉 ), but I personally (easy to say now that I am recovered) I would only concentrate on re-reading info on this blog and not diversifying onto other sites where you will get mixed messages.

    It’s always a good thing to reinforce your understanding, don’t you remember being at school and going over the same ground many times until it sank in and you could sit the test…. well I look on educating yourself about anxiety in the same way. As long as it doesn’t turn into an obsession whereby you are on the PC all day searching for that elusive snippet of info, then looking back at old posts can be very helpful.

  537. teresa Says:

    Hi Scarlet
    Thank you for that – I do find that reinforcing posts from this site and the book do help the understanding, especially when the ‘doubting Thomas’ has the upper hand. I am doing well – I would not go anywhere near google for anxiety !!! I really KNOW the anwswer so I don’t need to look for it anymore, it’s a matter of ‘believing’ it 100% now, if you know what I mean – I do believe it but sometimes I believe it and I am looking at everything from the right angle, even symptoms that normally upset m, when I am in this frame of mind – I believe everything is possible and the symptoms just fade into the background, they are no longer important and eventually fade away. I’m not hanging onto this it goes – it has done this week but although I do slip and get a little worn with it I’m picking myself back up faster and not catastrophising (think I spelt that wrong) like I was. I have my son’s wedding in 3 weeks, in Greece and I am managing not to fill my head with horror stories of how ‘ill’ I will feel – which is a big thing for me. I’ve told myself I will feel up and down, it does not matter anymore because I am on a journey of recovery and I am not putting pressure on myself to feel ‘wonderful’. The blog with you all has given me courage and although I do falter I still come back on track and keep on that journey to recovery.
    I know what you mean about learning things and having to re read them to take them in. My school days – mmmm – lucky if I read them the first time round LOL, .
    Candie also told me to ‘forgive’ myself for not always being able to get it right – I think that I need to understand that ‘it’s ok’ to forget as that is part of the learning, you have to forget to re learn and estblish the new habit, painful but essential – so that has helped me stop being cross that I am not always understanding it, I don’t need to.

    Thanks Scarlet hope alls well in your world.

  538. Katie Says:

    Welcome to the blog Phoebe! Im glad you have found this site, it really is the ‘best thing since sliced bread’!lol. it really makes a huge diffrence in the way you think about anxiety and has helped me on my road to nearly full recovery!.It has change my view into trying to rid myself of anxiety to accepting it and letting it be there.
    I can really relate to you thinkin you are the only one who all the advise/info doesnt and wont apply to you, but again this is just another irrational thought caused by the anxiety. Just let it be there, dont react to any of your thoughts, as this will only keep them there longer. Just accept them, say’ whatever’ and carry on with whatever your doing. With time, this will become your new response to any irrational thoughts and you wont be bothered by them or by the fact they are there.

  539. Fiona Says:

    Just reading over the last few posts i wanted to add my two bobs worth! I totally agree with re-reading over posts and the book. In fact its essential and more so when your in a set-back. I remember reading a post for a girl who hd recovered and she said “read until you understand then let it go until you have a bad day, week or month” and i think thats it is impotrant to feel free to take info from the website for which ever syptom is bothering you at the moment. But it is importent to understand that the reaction to all symptoms must be the same. The reaction is so what/ whatever/ is that it! The fear and worry must be removed, the symptom is horrible no doubt about it but by accepting it and having a neutral reaction the brain is retrained not to bring it to your attention. As Kashwan says focus external not internal. I think everything i’ve said here is what has already been said and i just think it shows that everyone agrees on the process of recovery, its all about implementing it and changing the old habitd of fear, worry and trying to put everything right.
    Just let it be xxxxxxxx

  540. BRANSON JOYCE. Says:

    Hey, Just wanted to type a bit on this blog as I’m just getting bothered about the feeling’s my body is feeling. My GP told me two weeks ago to relax and find something that relaxes me, but this dont help as my life at the moment is relaxed even work. I went away last week to see family in Malta and was feeling really good till the last 2 days this was the start of getting a cold. I still have my cold and wondering if this will make me feel more crap having Anxiety. I try not to think about it to much. Is jogging safe with anxiety as my Gp asked me if I do exercise and I told him I wanted to start playing Squash but he said that be do hard on my body and he said to go swimming, but I am not a fan of London Indoor pools so I wanted to start jogging again. What do you think? it’s been 3 months now from my first Anxiety attack but I have had not had any attacks at all over the past two months I just still dont feel back to normal. I know if I go to my GP for the 3rd time i will get the same answer. :(

  541. lorryt Says:

    THIS is gonna sound completely irrational , but my anxiety seeems to get worse when my hubby is home, is it me making more of things i just dont seem to have any control any more. i am really numb again today and shaking like a leaf and want to cry !,trying to relax but am so uptight about it all its ridiculous. it seems to have escalated today ,but am i making it worse.i may have got caught up back in the cycle of things again, worried that it might go on forever and it will affect my whole life. thinking that hes the cause of it all?!!!!!!!!.

    well onwards and upwards trying hardxxxxxxxxxx

  542. Phoebe Says:

    Thank you for all the welcomes and the advice guys. I really appreciate it. I am having a slightly better day today…I read the summary of Paul’s book last night and felt calmer again…and I have been trying to focus on outward things (like my final exams which are only weeks away!) and things have been going ok…I guess it’s all swings and roundabouts and we just have to have faith. I am inspired by some of stories I have read on here and I have to try and believe that recovery is possible for each and every one of us.

    Branson – just a quick note to say that a gentle jog will be totally fine :) I actually went for my first run in ages today and felt soooo much better afterwards. The GP probably isn’t recommending squash as it can put quite a strain on your heart if you’re not used to it and, to be honest, it’s not the most relaxing of sports!!

    Lorryt – it sounds like you’re just having a bad day. Try to just “let be” (says me – haha!!)…no one is the cause of our anxiety but ourselves. We are the only ones who can change things by accepting. Hang in there.

    X Pheobe

  543. lisa Says:

    lorry, do you no why you feel anxious around your husband? if you do you need to have a chat with him, dont bottle it up inside because it will only go round in your mind and create more anxiety. i always have chats with my hubby if he makes me feel on edge, or if i dont agree on something. it clears the air, we both get our feelings out, and feel much better afterwards. if theres no reason and your creating it yourself its a habit. welcome phoebe 😉 where do you come from?

  544. BRANSON JOYCE. Says:

    Thanks Pheobe!

    will plan a gentle jog next week When you strain on your heart do you mean it may cause a Anxiety attack or heart attack, I take it you mean Anxiety . I 28 years old. Thanks again tho :)

  545. Lynda Says:

    Fiona – I totally agree with all your comments. If i’m having a setback I dip into the book again and it does remind me what I already know but need to implement. I also read the latest posts on here – it just helps me to try and get back on track again. During this latest set back i’ve not worried about the feeling detached symptoms – I had friends over for dinner last night and didnt think about myself once and really enjoyed it! However, after they’d gone I was checking in to see if ‘it’ was still there – not the right attitude, I know. I do find myself doing that a lot, thinking about how I feel.

    Hope you are feeling better now!
    Regards to all

  546. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Brian,

    Welcome to the forum.

    “Hey, Just wanted to type a bit on this blog as I’m just getting bothered about the feeling’s my body is feeling. My GP told me two weeks ago to relax and find something that relaxes me, but this dont help as my life at the moment is relaxed even work. I went away last week to see family in Malta and was feeling really good till the last 2 days this was the start of getting a cold. I still have my cold and wondering if this will make me feel more crap having Anxiety. I try not to think about it to much. ”

    Worrying about any symptoms, can heighten your anxiety… so let your body heal itself. I have a cold at the moment as well, a nagging cough that’s been with me around 6 weeks or so.

    “Is jogging safe with anxiety as my Gp asked me if I do exercise and I told him I wanted to start playing Squash but he said that be do hard on my body and he said to go swimming, but I am not a fan of London Indoor pools so I wanted to start jogging again. What do you think? it’s been 3 months now from my first Anxiety attack but I have had not had any attacks at all over the past two months I just still dont feel back to normal. I know if I go to my GP for the 3rd time i will get the same answer”

    With regards to the squash, perhaps what he meant was try something a bit gentler to start off with. Squash can be very strenuous and you need to build up your fitness levels first. My husband used to play squash, and come back absoutely cream crackered. I think jogging would be a great exercise, remember to pace yourself.

    As for not feeling back to normal, it takes time to recover from an anxiety attack, just don’t focus on how you feel… let it be, and you will soon get your sense of normality back….

  547. louise Says:

    Hey all,has anyone tried meditation and if so has it been helpful???Ive been doing high impact aerobics for 2 months now and find that and some jogginga good stress buster but i was wondering if i might benefit from something more relaxing,any advice appreciated.Lorryt-i agree with phoebe NOONE is the cause of our anxiety,i blamed others for years(including my husband)and can honestly say blame gets yoy nowhere,but as someone else above mentioned its good to talk so if you feel some air haas to be cleared then go ahead,holding things back does nothing for anxious minds.My husband can at times be very domineering and a wee bit of a control freak but on a good day this does NOT bother me,i let him carry on,i even have him laughing at his prehistoric ways but on a bad day,he has the potential to make me feel bad but i know this is only because i allow him to do so!!!Always look towards yourself,its only OURSELVES we can change xxStill feeling positive,hope everyone else is doing well,Welcome Phoebe xxx

  548. Fiona Says:

    Hi Lorryt, hope your feeling better. I’ve had quite bad dp all weekend. But i’ve payed it as little attention as possible. It s just a wee set back, what i sometimes try and do when i’m feeling a bit crap is think in a positive way of other times i’ve felt rubbish, not with it, anxious and how i’ve always come through fine. Hey Lynda, glad the dinner party went well! I’ve been decorating all weekend, i’m looking forward to going to work for a rest tomorrow!
    Have a good evening all!!! xxxx

  549. Stephen Says:

    Hi Scarlet,

    I think i have been doing good laterly, although i am still getting anxious throughout may day, its not really bothering me as such. I just had a question i wanted to ask you about thoughts. I get the strangest weirdest thoughts sometimes like sometimes they are not even half thoughts or thoughts about the most randomest things that dont even make sense at times. This happens alot as im falling off to sleep, but im told alot of people get this?

    but did u get random weird thoughts when u had anxiety scarlet? its just keeps bothering me a little as they come out of know where. But i do anything i want these days without letting my anxiety stop me. Like i said in a post a few months ago, during a normal working week we are not going to feel fabulous because its routine, its work/study, chores, commitments so of cource we are going to feel just normal or “meh” lol. I think alot of people believe they will be fully recovered when they are happy 24/7 which is not going to happen!, no one is happy 24/7, such is life and we never questioned the way we felt before our anxiety. If someone upset us we would allow our selves to feel ‘upset’, but i know with anxiety if someone upset me i would then proceed to question why i felt upset like: “Why am i upset, why do i feel this way”, Why did i react that way” “it must be my anxiety” “maybe i am loosing it”.

    Oh also, is grey periods the longest period you feel before recovery, sure i have pink moments and even days i guess, but its like i can function normally and do what ever i want, but i still tend to tune in to see how im feeling or reminded on my suffering. so a typical grey day sorta stuff lol


  550. lorryt Says:

    louise you are so right, my hubby can be domineering and quite a bear with a sore head , when im ok i can normally just let it go, but yesterday it got all too much for me. i think it was you who said ” i just want to be happy in my own skin” ( correct me if im wrong). i guess it just intesifies it wanting to recover.
    i used medication LOuise for a long time, helped me initially as i was all caught up in my head i didnt eat for 3 weeks, so it took the edge off things but i was on them for far too long and it hasnt helped me in the long run. made me feel nothing for far too long, so hence i didint really get any better. but now im off them after 6 years or so, its not easy but i am making progress. thats my own personal opinion as i have never been a great fan of drugs anyway. but if you think it may help you go for it.

    hi phoebe, nice to see others on here getting some wnderful help


    a bit rubbushiy in the south today after such a glorious weekend ohh well still can be a good day.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  551. louise Says:

    Lorryt,your right i did comment on being comfortable in my own skin,this is sooo important to me because i think having suffered for years i find myself watching others alot,my inlaws are all very confident and i often find myself wishing i could be more like them and even feeling intimitated by them,but i know deep dowm that even WHEN i recover i wont be 100% confident ill never be 100% comfortable being centre of attention,so i guess what i mean is i hope one day ill be HAPPY with who I AM.Im 28 with 3 kids and to be honest through recovery im just begining to find out who i am and as Paul qouted in his book “what a journey this can be”.With all the good days that come i truly feel like im learnng more and more about myself,hey sometimes i even LIKE myself!!!LOL couldnt have said that 3 months ago!!!!Weather back to being rubbish in GLASGOW,staying at home today toilet training my wee lassie FUN AND GAMES!!!!!!!!!!!xxxxx

  552. Nikki Says:

    Hi all. I have had a brill weekend after a set back whilst on holiday. I have been out with hubby and friends saturday night, we all went to a club and then sunday I took my daughter horse riding something I havent done in over twenty years (boy im aching this morning LOL) Than yesterday afternoon we all went to friends house for a swim in their pool. Now I know this sounds like a diary entry but the thing is while I was doing all of these things I never once checked myself or looked or even felt any anxiety symptoms/thoughts,But the kids are back at school this morning and im in on my own and the focus is back on me.I feel apprehension sort of like I have something to dread,which is the same feeling as when I am in set back only not as bad . This whole anxiety thing for me is now a mental habit and not so much physical symptoms (probably because I really no longer care about them) .I think I have reached a point where memories/trains of thought that are connected to anxiety are what is keeping me aware of my anxiety.I think possibly I am identifying with what stephen says above grey days with pink moments and no problems functioning normally.

  553. LORRYT Says:


  554. LORRYT Says:


    i can totally relate, i dont not do anything because of the anxiety, and the physical side i dont care any more, its just the mental habit i guess i am finding hard to deal with. its just being able to let the thoughts be and totally immersed in a day without the mental ups and downs.
    Louise , yes i know what you mean, i can get through a day sometimes and smile at myself ! kids ehh!!! i have 2 myself, 6 and 10, more of attitude training for them at the moment!

    have a good one allxxxx

  555. Nikki Says:

    Lorryt Im a bit annoyed with myself at the moment I had one of my anxiety thoughts (which is what I call them because I know its not me) and I let it bother me. Its a train of thought that follows if I hear about depression or suicide I worry in case having anxiety leads me to this and then start to think am I enjoying life!!!!! its really stupid because its so not true,I think I am so worried about being taken away from my family I know I have perfect health so the only thing left to fear would be myself. Also my dad passed away recently so losing someone close is making me more aware of this thought.I havent had this thought in weeks and really in my heart I know it is ridiculous but the reaction I get is so strong has anyone got any advise how to desensitise to this thought cos its really freaking me out today?

  556. Fiona Says:

    Unfortunately desentising wont happen in an instance but it is a good chance to try and cut off silly thoughts and help your thinking flow better. I have worrried about these things also and sometimes still do as scary thoughts pop up all the time. but you have to practise not reacting and dismissing them rather than worrying and distressing yourself. xxxxx

  557. Nikki Says:

    Hi fiona thanks for replying of course you are right and desensitising doesnt happen immediately and I know once the anxiety leaves I will no longer have these incredible reactons to thoughts. I am just having a bad day today its all due to the ( sorry lads ) week/day before thing. I was wondering if anyone could answer a question is it actually the fear of having anxiety that keeps us anxious as i read on a claire weekes website when we are no longer scared of the fight or flight reaction we will be able to recover because i admit i hate when i get them pangs of fear/reactions?

  558. Tracey Says:

    Hey Nikki, I can totally relate to you..Scary thoughts to me is the worse part of the anxiety (as I used to get the physical symtoms a long time ago but those don’t even occur anymore) I used to have the same thoughts and they freaked me out as well..I still get anxiety thoughts that freak me out but of a different subject matter now. I was doing really well but I’m in a little bit of a set back these last couple of days–it’s been a bit difficult to get back on track but since reading Paul’s latest blog it made me realize that I was trying to find that good feeling again like I had lost it or forgot, I was trying to force that good feeling back that I had for 2 weeks, instead of accepting I was going thru a setback and letting it run its course. We get so upset when we’re doing well for awhile and then all of a sudden like he said you get a reaction you don’t like or thought etc. and you feel like your back to square one, even though your not..We make the mistake of getting upset once again. We have to remember we’re not the only ones going through this and anxiety magnifies things, something that would seem small or ridiculous to us before anxiety, is like massive to us now. I know from the last 2 weeks that letting the thoughts be, not adding 2nd fear to them, and not reading into your physical reactions really does help. You will notice a huge difference when you begin to do that…it is hard but once you just let go, you literally feel the layers peeling away like many have said on here before.

  559. Tracey Says:

    Nikki, when the pangs of fear/reactions come let them but don’t add any thoughts to them or think into them. let them be, I started doing that and it helped considerably…don’t get frusturated if it doesn’t work right away but if you keep at it you will see that it won’t bother you as much anymore.

  560. BRANSON JOYCE. Says:

    So the other day I was doing a viewing for a flat for my client and we were in the kitchen and during our chat about them renting I started getting that anxiety feeling, I was saying to myself just deal with it and I did , so it passed, last night i got the feeling i had before my anxiety attack 3 months ago, but I just remained calm and it passed without me having an attack. I still don’t feel normal I still get this strange sensation in me each day , sometimes I don’t but mainly I do. The choice that I have to to make it worse or deal with it by trying not to OVER think about it. I do think that in time it will pass but till then I have to deal with it and keep living. I know people who have had major Anxiety attacks that have left them on meds or house bound. I count my self lucky that I dont have it as bad. I hope we will all feel great soon! keep smiling x

  561. Nikki Says:

    Tracey, Today I understand again.I know where i went wrong yesterday,I had’nt had my thought for ages and then whoosh out the blue and i followed it. I added that second fear and wrapped myself up in knots.I still have the same thought and today i just found out that someone i know has ended his life so sad (it was not anxiety/depression related)So i will be soon desensitised to this thought as i know everyone is going to be talking about this subject now. I finally got my appointment to see a councillor and went to see her today. Unfortunately it was the same old story she didnt relly know much about anxiety and wanted to know more about how i got here and i had to explain to her what was happening.I showed her pauls book and another by claire weekes and she hadnt heard of either and hadnt heard of this type of recovery she was more concerned with cbt. I suppose it made me realise how lucky we are to have this information at our fingertips.I will definately be trying to help inform others of this site and the advice given here.

  562. Phoebe Says:


    Firstl, Nikki – I am so very sorry to hear about your friend. My thoughts are with you.

    Branson – by strain on your heart, I meant physically (ie you have to be quite fit as I think someone else wrote above). Have you been for a jog yet? I really don’t think anxiety should stop you!!

    Lisa – thanks for the welcome :)

  563. Phoebe Says:

    Thanks to Louise also for the welcome :)

  564. Nikki Says:

    Hi I have been reading claire weekes and think I finally understand how to ‘let go and just be’.I am feeling really rubbish today, quite sad actually, but That could be because I have sat down and invited every fear and feeling in and I have a cracking cold also just been told after attending an interview for my old job that they have given it to someone else.I have let all the panic in even though I thought by doing so I would end up in tears and feeling desperate I did it anyway and im continueing my day allowing all my fear,vibrations and thoughts to come.In fact I am willing it to come to try and tip me over the imagined cliff.The truth is there is nothing there except feeling a bit crap. I am not adding any second fear to my thoughts with what ifs. I hope this is the right thing? Have I finally got it?

  565. clara Says:

    Hi everyone
    i normally post on the obessive thoughts part but have just read through your comments on here
    Nikki – sorry to hear about your friend you know as soon as i read it i got a wave of panic go right through me with the WHAT IF
    what id i do that bla bla!!
    sooo annoying!!
    i just wanted to say to you that your post makes sence and you are right there is no cliff at the end all that happens is we end up worrying and worrying day in and day out and feel awful and that is the worst of it !
    thats made me feel good reading this because i know its true :)
    ive been the lowest i could ever get when i had my son 2 years ago and couldnt even leave my front door .. even at home i had to leave the front door open incase something happened someone would see and help! but of course nothing ever did happen and yet here i am another baby later still worrying about the same thing!!
    thats made me feel good reading this because i know its true :)

  566. Amber Says:

    I am turning 21 and i have not drank alcohol in almost 3 years :( and i really want to drink but i have anxiety and i am kinda scared it will trigger my anxiety and ruin my whole night ! DOES ANYONE THINK ALCOHOL WILL WORSEN IT????

  567. Tracey Says:

    Hey Amber,

    I used to be the same way with alcohol a couple months ago because I assumed it would make me feel worse and guess what it did…only because I expected it to. Then one day I was on here and asked the same question you did and someone on here told me to just go out and have some fun and that I was worrying about the situation before I even got into it (she was completely right). Now I drink whenever I please–I don’t go overboard and I don’t do it all the time, but I don’t say anymore “I have anxiety so I can’t have a drink.” So I will give you the same advice I was given awhile ago, have a drink, don’t go in to it thinking it will trigger anything. Just have fun. You’ll be fine Amber :)

  568. lisa Says:

    nice one tracey, you can give the advise i give you now well done 😉

  569. p Says:

    Hi came upon this by chance. I feel as if i am at the end of my tether i cant stand feeling like this all the time constant thoughts 24/7 i wish my mind would just stop and know one seems to listen doctors etc. Am on an anti depressent was only 15mg then when “i know its not workin” i went to my doc upped it to 30mg went again upped it to 45mg and it dont work oh yes it stops the brain for a few hours but i never feel rested.

  570. babyb143xox Says:

    i cant beleive i actually found somebody that can actually explain what i feel. i felt like i was the only person in this world to feel this way. im really starting to get discouraged about it. i feel like i cant take it anymore. i ALWAYS feel like stuckk inside myself. i cant even explain it. i need help

  571. Jitha Says:

    Hi Paul.. I googled trying to find out why i feel some sort of pressure in my head all the time… I found your blog and after reading your post i realized i’ve wasted so many years of my life trying to fix the way i feel and not connecting to the world around me..

    I’ve had a bad childhood.. and i’ve spent most of my life being alone and not connecting to other people and constantly being afraid of being hurt by others..

    But you know what?… Now i know that if i stop paying attention to how i feel, i will discover a whole new world out there…. im 24 now, and i’ve spent lot of my years in isolation… I am so much used to listening to only myself… However i will fight that and change myself so that i could finally start to live the gift of life The God Almighty has given me

  572. Kellie Says:

    Hi Paul,

    Thanks so much for the blog. I especially love your advice about not exercising for the sake of overcoming one’s anxiety. I’ve been doing the exercise to overcome anxiety, and the anxiety only gets worse when exercise doesn’t immediately help.

    My anxiety came after years of depression. I think I’ve been doing too much of what you describe, of constantly thinking about myself and my feelings. My anxiety attacks always take the form of feeling trapped inside my mind. It’s terrifying, because how does one escape one’s own consciousness? I like your advice of letting other things into your day and mind.

  573. Steph Says:


    I just wanted to say thank you for this blog post, recently I have found myself becoming more and more anxious, feeling trapped inside my head, my life, and in a way…a kind of cycle of insanity. The more i think about it..the worse it gets…to the point where I don’t want to go to work, go out, or do anything, because I experience anxiety about everything. I’ve never been able to talk about it with anyone, and the one time I tried…well their reaction wasn’t good or helpful. So I hide it, and no one suspects a thing. Your advice about living in the moment, not thinking further than that moment, not thinking inward and accepting that you may not feel fantastic everyday has been helpful. Its a struggle…but I now feel I can face the world a little bit…and occasionally look outwards. Your the first person to help me. So honestly deepest thanks.

  574. Jim Says:


    I am having very much the same issues, I feel I am trapped on an endless loop inside my head. I work and develop educational assessment criteria, and I feel this should give me some happiness as it is a good thing but I just feel blank about it. I get home and i obsess over trivial things from my past and sit and stare at the walls, I go out and feel that I can not enjoy myself, I feel I must stand on the sidelines and just watch other people have fun. I think about past relationships and the errors that I made and what I would say to these people. In all I feel like I am going quite mad and it all just goes around and around in my head.

  575. Gina Says:

    This has really helped me
    So much, for so long I been trapped in my mind and kept thinking does anyone else think like this ? all day and night I focus attention on my thoughts and myself trying to fight them trying to fix myself trying to make me who I was and it was always a fail I never wanted to tell anyone because I thought they would think I’m crazy and that no one knows how I feel literally when I get these thoughts I get so sucked into my mind that I don’t feel like myself or think so many negative things before this happened I was always a positive person and happy , after reading this I feel like Gina again and back to normal your advice about focusing on other things really helped me
    So much thankyou for this.There was definitely a reason why I was brought to this website due to all the crying I been doing and obsessing go feel free from my own mind and these crazy odd thoughts I was getting and so afraid of

  576. Gina Says:

    I do have a few setbacks sometimes which I hope is normal I was feeling completely good today until I had a panic attack tonight I noticed myself trying to fight them away which isn’t going to help Do you have any advice to what to do when having a set back ? I don’t want to live in fear of them coming back I would appreciate if you answered this I know your really busy this post changed my life for the better and I’m so blessed I found this thankyou for this post

  577. Paola Says:

    Hi there I had a big panick moment surreal and I ended up in hospital cause I was screaming for the police thinking my friends were cannibal. I suffer from depression and ended up in a psychi unit for a month. I m better now but the problem is I get very anxious when I am on my own. its almost like I m scared to be with myself. I juggle the day so I have someone with me almost all the time. My solution apart from tablets is to go to an hypnotherapist and hope she ll change my way of thinking .

  578. Ty Says:

    Hi All,
    It’s been truly wonderful being able to read similar experiences to my own. The fact that other people experience the feeling of “being trapped in your own mind” has given me a sense of relief that I haven’t experienced in a long time.
    My anxiety/panic/depression has grown increasingly worse these last few months. I know I am an over-analytic person by nature and this constant examining of my own anxious thoughts is probably what fuels them. I know this, however I cannot stop doing it. I have never really been an anxious person prior to these past couple years. I was a Captain in the Marine Corps with combat deployments to Afghanistan. Its funny, if you were to ask me during my time in the Marine Corps what my biggest strength was, I would say my mental toughness. I could take whatever anyone threw at me on no sleep, no food, etc. I was in superior physical shape, mostly because working out was a true joy of mine. Nothing was better than a run on a sunny day with ipod.
    After leaving the Marine Corps I became a State Cop and won the number 1 graduate award at my academy! This is when my troubles started. I started having regular panic attacks in addition to constant anxiety. I would start to focus so hard on everything around me to the point where nothing seemed real. It got to the point where I was in a state of panic more often than not. Things that used to bring me joy in life now only cause panic attacks. Every time I exercise, half of me is convinced that I am going to die. I work out every day and I know that every day I don’t die, but every day I think to myself “this time is different”.
    I am the kind of person who takes pride in not needing help from anyone else, but I think this is one of my biggest weaknesses. I have internalized this and let it get completely out of control. I resigned from the state police and broke up with my long time girlfriend. I had the constant fear of “what if i go crazy and hurt someone that I shouldn’t”. People always look at me and say “you’re great at everything” and “I don’t know how you do what you do”. I think this may be part of the problem; I feel so much pressure to be the best at everything that I have become utterly terrified to fail. I made up reasons why I resigned that I tell other people instead of telling anyone the truth, because I am ashamed. Part of my identity is “the tough guy” and “the hard Marine”, and I feel like I have nothing else to offer if people know the truth.
    My panic and depression has formed a symbiotic relationship. I panic that I’ll be trapped in this depression forever and I’m depressed that my panic limits so much of my life. I have gone from the warrior that everyone could depend to a guy that can hardly spend 5 minutes in a grocery store. I have truly forgotten what it feels like to be happy. I have the last 24 hours pacing around my house thinking about driving myself to the ER. I don’t want to kill myself, but the the thought of “what if this is what suicidal people feel like before they become suicidal” absolutely destroys me.
    I apologize for being so long winded, but it’s somewhat relieving being able to type all of this out.
    Thanks again for sharing your experiences I truly wish you all the very best

  579. Anxious Indian Says:

    Hi Paul,

    Thanks so much for all the help! With your advice I have been able to get rid of 90% of all the physical symptoms in a span of 3 months. All that is left is a constant vibrating feeling in my fingers and tightness of chest on alternate days.

    However what is troubling me now much more than the physical symptoms is the “attention on myself” feeling & “trapped in my own mind” feeling.

    I had a few questions if you could help me. Also, help from any others is most welcome :)

    1. Perhaps it is my tired mind but I am confused about something. Is the “Attention on oneself” the same as “thinking about oneself and anxiety” which also causes the “trapped in my mind” feeling?

    2. I am also confused about another point. You have mentioned that let your thoughts be on you / dont try not to think about anxiety.

    However it is also mentioned that dont give the subject so much respect, drop the subject and go and live your life.

    The reason I am confused is this. I am honestly now so bored with thinking about myself/anxiety. I really want to drop the subject now. However, maybe because of habit, my mind reverts to me in a few seconds/minute. Also, I am very aware of my thoughts. So when I start thinking about my condition/anxiety, I feel the strong temptation to stop the thoughts (because consciously I don’t want to think them, they just come automatically perhaps due to habit). I say “leave it” or sometimes “its not worth thinking about this”, and mostly the thoughts are repititive so I cut them off by saying “yeah yeah”.

    When I do that, I am able to focus more on my outward life.

    However, my mind seems to have gotten hyperactive of late, and I get more thoughts of anxiety/myself then I did before. It could also be because I have been reading up the blog and posts a lot.

    What I am concerned about is am I trying to CONTROL/FIGHT my thoughts by doing this? Is that what is causing the issue?

    I know it is confusing what I am trying to explain. Please let me know your thoughts. I work from home and have very little exposure to the outside world :(, and this “trapped in my head” feels so uncomfortable.

    Thanks so much!


  580. Mahmuda Liza Says:

    Thank you so much for sharing the experience. I am also a victim of this anxiety issue but I am recovering it.

  581. Ross Says:

    This is my main symptom thoughts I Cant shift attention from myself.

  582. Nina Says:

    Hey everyone,

    This blog has helped me alot. It is nice to know what’s wrong with me.
    I’ve being going through depersonalisation for the past two weeks, and I was doing well with the recovery. Unitil two days ago, I was lying in my bed watching a movie, and I thought to myself “what If I am actually insane. What if I lose control and hurt the people I love. ” And as I thought that, someone stabbed somone in the movie, and my mind automaticly imagined me doing that to my mom. I freaked out, had a panic attach and took me a while to calm down. Now, everytime I look at my mom I feel awaful that I even had that thought, and I am afraid of myself. I am afraid that I am going to harm people around me. I don’t know what to do… Very close to calling the doctor so he can give me some medicine, even thoug I am so much against it..
    Hope someone can help me on how to control these thoughts..
    You guys are awsome.

  583. Lucy Says:

    Hi everyone.

    I’m a 15 year old girl and I’ve only started dealing with anxiety in the last couple of months (over the summer holiday). I’ve been having this feeling that nothing feels the way it used to and I get so worked up about my house and school not feeling the same. I am constantly worrying that it continues and I can’t ever stop feeling this way but reading this I am realising that I’m not the only one that has been through something like this and there is support and even people that have gotten through it. I had never considered myself an anxious person up until the last few months and so this concept of being ‘trapped in my own mind’ is all I think about and trying to escape it. I am trying hard to ignore the part of my mind that tells me I am anxious but several times a day it rushes back to me and it is the worst feeling imaginable.. I’m going to use the advice here and hopefully this will all be over soon. Thank you for such an inspiring articlexx

  584. atrapajuegos Says:

    but now I know what to do I try to accept even my frightneing thoughts, the worst one being this is with you forever”

    This is the way to go, I had this thought and I bet my bottom dollar this is the most popular thought for everyone ? When this thought enters your mind, adopt a ‘whatever’ attitude/emotion, say to yourself “you know what, thought, so what if you are with me forever, I’ll manage”, and leave it at that until it comes again… Don’t allow yourself to attach an anxious emotion to any of your thoughts now, try and get out of this habit, and replace the emotion with a matter-of-fact one, it really works the more you practice it.

  585. john Says:

    I am not sure if i am having a depression or an anxiety or both. But after reading this i think i have an anxiety which leads to depression. What you shared here is great. The problem with me is i know that something is not right with my thinking but still my mind refuses to accept it and change , even if it does it goes back to thinking negative automatically. Its like my artificial thoughts are stronger than my natural thoughts. This struggle of the mind is terrible. sometimes I get well for days but then it comes back again. I am really worried about myself. Most people here are worried about things in life which causes anxiety , in my case i am worried about my mind/thought , its hard to explain, its like am worrying about something that doesn’t exist.

  586. courtney Says:

    Hi scarlet or candy…just wondering if I could get a response I have tjoughts playing over and over in my mind the same ones..and I get very bad tension headaches from this and I try not to become anxious but it seems like they are going to replay in my mind for ever….I find I’m always waiting for them too because my mind is always watching or on itself. ..it’s so confusing I just want my normal thinking back…and nd I find now when I do get a normal thought I’m chasing that too…please someone help.


  587. Shekhar Says:

    Hello everyone,

    Well its been 6 years and I have been fighting the battle with my mind on my own. I get the wierdest thoughts like ” How did my mind know that I should think this way?” or at times i get my mind locked on thoughts and i am like “where has the free flow and natural thinking of mine gone?” . The natural instinct of neglecting the unwanted thoughts have almost left me and I keep on thinking the unnecessary more and more. Sometimes I get a foggy brain unable to think with a lot of interuptions and my mind is losing its intellect and logical part. But just like Paul I have been very very positive that everything will be fine with time and i have found things improve a lot but i still feel like I have a long way to go. Does anyone feel like me or is it possible for someone like me to come out of these completely.

  588. AnxiousOne Says:

    Yes Shekhar, i understand completely my anxiety has me brain fog most days and anxiety just plays tricks on you mind. I had my anxiety under control for about 3 yrs and then i started to take on alot of stuff and help people which caused lots of stress and boom anxiety and panic set in. I was so upset because i felt like i gave in to my anxiety, but then i realized that i was in relapse and it was part of Growth so i continue to do everything i’d normally do without anxiety even if i dont want to. I am still learning and prayer and meditation helps alot. Paul alsp made a valid point dont live on this site come and get knowledge and give this a rest and visit every now and again to maintain knowledge because sometimes we make ourselves worse. I will get better i trust and have faith that i will, its just going to take a little time.

  589. vishee Says:

    i read this blog when i was crying like hell and wished to die and after reading this something just triggered inside me and i felt goof but now there is something breaking inside me
    i want to tell a bit about myself
    I led a normal life 6 months ago, 6months ago i went to a my aunt’s home,they were shifting there house they told that the house have some supernatural kind of things,that nyt they were talking about it suddenly i got a panic attack that was the first incidence in my life i went to a neighbor’s home and after half an hour i felt asleep,after that i became conscious and a fear was set up in my mind that this will happen again, this happened again but i fought with that and realized that after 15 minutes these attacks settled,i left my job and went back to home,my whole body was trembling,i went to my frnd for help he fixed an appointment to the psychiatrist but i refused to go because i thought i will consider myself weak, my friend suggested me to join yoga class i joined it and i felt very good,i spent 10 days enjoying my life without any thoughts but now i cant do anything except thinking, i always thinks and worry that what will be my future i dont want to live like this i should die,i try to become strong but something is there inside me who stops me to stop thinking,i dont know what to do i m losing all hopes,i always think this constant thinking will damage my nerves,i am always fearful that i will see some ghosty thing,i look at others and think how they are feeling so normal,they have a reason to live sometimes i feel good because i constantly tell myself that all these things are rubbish but again i start feeling low and also when i feel good i get scared that this feeling is not so long it will vanish soon so why i should feel this happy feeling
    i feel very tired,as u said that just feel that feeling but that feeling makes me think again,i know the strength is in me but as paul said that there is no strength needed,i dont know what to do please help me out

  590. claire Says:

    Hi all,
    I have just read Paul’s book and found it really great advice. The first time I read this post on here it felt like a penny dropped and I wasn’t afraid anymore, but I found myself re-thinking old habits the next day so am working on just letting them be there. 2 years ago i created a phobia for myself and this is when my anxiety started. I was vacuuming and a thought popped into my head that said “what if I can’t stop watching my mind and i get stuck inside it” stupid I know but I dwelled on it, couldn’t drop it and ended up having a panic attack and since then I have literally been “locked inside my mind”. It’s funny beacuse I can carry out everything I used to do, and on the outside no one would know I have this problem but inside my mind is in turmoil! It’s really hard to explain and in the beginning I thought I was literally the only person in the world with this bizarre problem! It’s like I can’t stop thinking about thinking…there is no substance to this stuck thought but it’s just there. I feel like my mind is on a hamster wheel that just keeps turning and I can’t get off. It’s frustrating because like I say there’s no substance to the thought at all. It’s sometimes more bothersome than normal and this is when I let it get me depressed. Again something with Paul’s advice I am learning not to do. I feel like I can’t just be on autopilot like before and become lost in what I am doing which is something we all take for granted. I know that because I created this phobia is the reason it has stuck around and why I fear it and I am slowly learning to just accept it and hopefully one day it will diminish. I am wondering if anyone else has these exact symptoms of anxiety as it seems quite an unusual one (although it’s probably secretly really common!) I used to think I had a problem with my brain, but I now know it’s just anxiety it’s just such a hard habit to break because I feel like now I know this way of thinking it will be impossible to forget about it! I proved to myself a few months ago that it can dissapear as it did for about 3 months. Although it popped into my head for a second or 2 a day, I was able to move on from the thought at all times until one day I obviously started letting it bother me again because it came back. It was almost like my mind said “see, it’s not possible to forget this!” It takes a long while to “accept it” but I know that’s what I must have done when it went for a while…I truly accepted it. Paul’s advice is so true and works but we just have to stick with it and not give up. Like he says in this book it does not happen overnight and we need to give it as much time as it takes. Hopes this helps people with the same problem and I would welcome any comments.

  591. Jai Says:

    Hey everyone,
    I started reading this blog with Paul’s note at the top. I started tearing up because I found some of the symptoms he was having were awfully familiar. As I read on I noticed others were going through the same turmoil. I resigned from my job a few months ago and ever since then negative, useless thoughts have been floating through my head. They make me feel inadequate, I reprimand myself for decisions that I made in the past and I constantly fear that people can detect what I’m going through. The only time I realized they would stop was when I’d go to sleep. I love sports and exercising but recently neither have allowed me to escape my anxiety – maybe a little. I used to be a person that hated sleeping- I would stay up as long as I could not to go to bed. Ever since I gave up work the floating thoughts have had more time to invade my brain and the only solution was to close my eyes until I fall asleep. I know you’re reading this probably and wondering when I’m going to get to the silver lining but there isn’t one. Ever since I quit my job, which has been over 12 weeks, I’ve felt this way. There has been moments, that have lasted sometimes hours that have allowed me to be functional, which pushed me to call a friend, and ultimately landed me a work interview, but after this meeting today – the negative thoughts caused me to search “I feel trapped in my own mind”. The first thing that came up was a Kid Cudi music video and after scrolling down a little I stumbled upon this blog. It’s not like the interview didn’t go well, but I started dwelling on how I won’t be capable of going back to fulltime work.
    I’m reading everyone’s comments so I can: assure myself I’m not the only one, so I can voice my feelings without expecting a reply (although your comments would be appreciated and welcome) and simply to type my thoughts out instead of having them whirl through my brain without any resolution.
    I’ve always been an introvert but also a social, likeable person. My previous job invoked me to meet new people everyday but now I feel like its a strenuous task to carry conversations with people – even with my friends. I used to feel confident and competent while working but those feelings haven’t arose for a while now.
    Paul was right on the money about having a thought appear and then dazing off into co-pilot mode while performing a task; it happens to me all the time. He was also right about not exercising with the expectation of ridding anxiety – I tried going for a run thinking I would feel better but I banked too much on this condition just vanishing. I think I’m going to go for another run right now and this time focus on my surroundings as oppose to focusing internally.
    I know getting better is going to be a gradual process, but I always feel like I’m running out of time. Regardless, If I want to get better I have to remind myself it won’t happen over night. I’m going for that run now. this is my first post; I hope I’ll soon be able to help others as I find that path to solutions

  592. Trish Says:

    The blog is a really good read so thank you. My problem is that I live inside my head 24/7. I basically had lots of health worries and it became that bad that my health worries were on my mind constantly throughout the day. When my health worries disappeared with the physical symptoms I was left with something on my mind. It is like you say Claire, it is like thinking but with no substance to it. I have never heard anyone else describe this. I actually am unable to sleep properly due to this as my mind is constantly occupied. I have tried to live life but I just can’t make this thought in my head go away. It is making me severely depressed. I keep having a good couple of days where I think I will beat this but then I break down because I know it’s not gong anywhere. Everyone keeps telling me I will.get better as it is postnatal. I have 2 beautiful children and I’m so sad this has happened to me. I feel like I am the only person this has happened to although I know that sounds stupid. It is just because I had all the health worries constantly in my mind that I was left with a constant blank thought. It is really hard for anyone to understand. I am going to take Paul’s advice though and let it be there but not pay it any attention. I just find this extremely difficult as like I say it’s a vlank thought so it’s like I’m always thinking of it.

  593. richard gaias Says:

    Hello, i suffer from PTSD Anxiety, and depression. my anxiety is consuming my life. Sometimes im able to void it off for a while but sometimes i cant get it to leave. i try everything i can think of but it doesnt work. it gets to the point i feel like im gasping for air when im near a lot of people and i cant walk right because i feel awkward/weird// or like someones watching me walk and judging me. i was bullied and abused as a kid. I do not trust medical systems. The US had me on 5 different meds and i was a veg.y so i stopped taking them and moved and then moved out to Canada. Now some of you may say. not taking the meds is were i messed up but thats were i did the right thing. I need help maintaining this myself with out medication. do you have any tips?


  594. Jiya Says:

    Hello, when i come to this post i feel like i suffer from Anxiety very much and may be for my entire life start from kid.
    I want share my life and how it come to look like anxiety or may some other issue. when i was kid we have money issues and my parent quarrel a lot. I was alone as kid, i never have good friendship. I feel very inferior because of low social status then because i am not looking good. I have dame big depression when i come to college because of my look and many other issues in my personality that again make me feel very inferior and have anxiety that constantly think of myself and cant concentrate on other things at all.
    I got marriage then and have kid 3 years old but only sometime i feel without anxiety mostly with anxiety. I still not able to be social and make friends. I really need help ..its all can affect my kid too. I never visited doctor for it..when i come to this post i first time feel to share my feelings.

    Paul i am really looking to your opinion.

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