Archive for March, 2008

Why is my anxiety getting worse and not better?

Monday, March 31st, 2008

Well today’s post is again a question that people ask on forums and one question I asked myself over the years. The reason people with little or no information get worse is that they know nothing else but to fight this damn thing, they feel it is their only way out, when someone does fight the illness re-invents itself. But it is a lack of information from the people they first seek help from that causes people to go down this path of bewilderment, worrying and fighting how they feel.

For colds we know to just lie up in bed and it will take care of itself. For a broken leg we need a pot and realise we have to wait a few weeks before it gets back to normal, the list really is endless and we know the procedure and don’t concern ourself’s too much and trust in our bodys own healing powers to bring us through. Well with anxiety I did not receive any answers, most people don’t, so we are more scared and bewildered than ever and more than that we have no idea how to make our self better, so we go down a road of constantly trying to rid ourselfs of it, this then has the opposite effect and we begin to feel worse, so we fight and worry even more, yes that was me and many others.

This would be the conversation with someone who understands their condition and someone who does not. I would say to the person who had little insight to the way they felt.

“So what have you done today”?

“Well I woke up and felt sorry for myself as the damn thing was still there. I spent my day worrying about how I was feeling, I got frustrated and spent my whole day trying to do something about it”

“How do you feel”?

“Emotionally and physically drained and more confused than ever, I just seem to be getting worse”

The second person who understood their condition would go something like this

“What have you done today”

“Anxiety wise, nothing at all, I just got on with my day and gave my mind and body a rest, I also understand why I feel like I do and it does not hold the same fear, I just see it more as a felling, so don’t feel the need to do anything about it”

I was the first person and then in time turned into the second person. There is nothing special about anyone who recovers, its just understanding. I can’t get across how bad I was to anyone who thinks they were worse than me. I feel I had a very good understanding of the condition and knowledge really is power. People are understanding more and more and improving. I have more to say but I don’t want to bombard anyone with too much information. We are reversing something that did not come overnight and my recovery took time, a lot of ups and downs, it was not all plain sailing. So don’t think you are unique or that others will come through and for some reason you wont. I have heard this so many times from people as they never see themselves feeling normal again, I always say “Yes and you probably never thought you would feel like this”.

All I want people to do is understand more and not demand anything of themselves, you can’t force normal feeling, you have to let it come to you, which it will in time. If I had one thing that really brought me home, it was the lack of demanding anything or trying to rush my recovery, I just went with it however I felt at any particular time, took all setbacks on the chin and just became happy with the progress I had made, I never tried to scramble back to the person I used to be, this is a mistake some people make they think they have to feel perfect, even demand it of themselves, this again leads to them fighting their condition.

Hopefully there is something their for everyone. Also please do feel free to keep the positive post below going, I feel it really helps hearing good news and bringing a lot of positives to the table.


For more help and information visit my main site

For more information about my book ‘At last a life’ visit

A positive post and thread for everyone

Friday, March 21st, 2008

Well a blog is suppose to be about what’s happening, the latest news, bits and bobs. So again I am going away from advice and would like to start a positive thread for everyone to contribute to. I always like to stay positive and hopefully that comes across in my post and comments. I want people to come here and not only learn things, but also to feel better and be filled with belief and maybe even go away with a smile. Anxiety and all it brings can be testing at times, so everyone should give themselves a pat on the back for going through what they have. I know I am proud that I went through it and came out the other side, always believing I would, a belief that is coming across in many people now, it is so nice to see a post from someone who is feeling better and seeing progress.

Somebody said to me last week “how do I get rid of this thing”, I said straight away, ‘Its not a thing, its just a feeling’ a feeling that will pass in time. I always try to get people to change their attitude to how they feel, it is so important, something you hate less and understand more, loses a lot of its power.

So anyway back to the thread. Well I would like people to post something positive about their life, maybe a song that cheers them up, a new job, how they have improved, some good news they have received, a pet that makes them smile, something they are looking forward to, anything at all. So if I can start, here is a song that I used to listen to when I had a bad day, it really cheered me up, it had a big impression on me and I still play it often, its called life. Here is the link

Take care and keep the faith : )


Recovery from anxiety can take time

Sunday, March 16th, 2008

Todays post is two emails that I received last week from two people who are doing so much better, the latter one says he is 100% back to normal. You will see from both emails that they were in a real hole and I do remember how hopeless both felt at the time. The reason for me posting these emails is to show that going for progression and not demanding instant success, then you can make giant strides. A lot of people when they feel at their worst feel this may be them forever or that other people recover and they wont. Although I am posting these two, I do get many, many emails like this through a year and in all cases it took a little time. Just reading a lot of posts on here people have improved a hell of a lot. Everything I say and do on my site and in my book is all about changing your attitude to the way you feel, not treating like a monster ready to engulf you, not letting it rule what you do and don’t do. So you don’t go around worrying and obsessing about every little thought or feeling. Also to change habits you may have fallen into and as we have been doing the exact opposite for so long it can take time, I hope these emails give people so much more hope and belief and show how many people do come through.

Also sorry for the small font, this is created by having to paste the emails into the blog, hopefully they are still easily readable.

Hi Paul

I was just surfing the net and thought I’d swing by your website! Don’t know if you remember me but I’m the actress who was writing to you about a year ago? Things look like they are going well with the site and book, great stuff. I have been reading over a few of our e mails last year-what a difference a year makes!!!

Gradually got to the bottom of the bottom in May last year-found out boyfriend had been cheating on me- not that surprising given the state I was in and the little time I was giving him! It was awful and I had nowhere to live and some other personal complications which meant I had to get an emotional operation. Basically everything was rubbish!

But thinking about and obsessing over my break up meant I wasn’t thinking about DP as much, so surprise, surprise it seemed to get better event though my life seemed crap. Then I got a new play which took my mind off it more and being with new people was great because they didn’t know about my d.p so I had to ignore it more! I had a great summer- sometimes I felt a little odd. but I was getting much better at dealing with it.
Basically I’m so MUCH better!! I would almost say cured but there is still that black d.p cloud threatening to come back and showing its head the odd morning I’m hung-over and that! It’s almost like if I could erase the memory of having it from my head I would be ok because I wouldn’t remember to feel it if you know what I mean?!
But I just wanted to say thanks for being a true life saver when I was stuck in a period of blackness I thought I’d never get through! Your doing a great thing, so keep it up and good luck with everything. I’m hoping to forget my d.p nightmare completely one day and feel truly relaxed and happy and I can feel very positive that that will happen soon! But for now I’m just glad I can have periods of hours and sometimes days of not worrying about anything! And I have stopped feeling guilty about messing my life up by taking drugs, which is also what I needed to do-although I wont be taking them again!!

Thanks Paul

Rebecca Scott

Hi Paul,

I am not sure if you remember me, but I was a client of yours
this summer. Here it is, almost April, and I am 100% back to normal!
I do not feel anxiety constantly everyday all the time, and I feel like
a million bucks. I am not tired as I once was, I can go out and have
fun and enjoy myself and life. It is really odd, it really IS all of
your attitudes towards it. If you don’t treat it as a monster, it won’t
treat you like a victim! It will just go away after a while. And yes,
I still think about how I used to feel from time to time, in hopes that
I will never feel that way again. But now I have the tools not to
worry, but just to have a good, healthy, and exciting life. Thank you
for everything you have done for me. Without your book and e-mails, I
still might be struggling, trying to figure it all out. I am in my
senior year of college, and only three months away from graduation. I
found out last week that I got a full time job as a business development
representative from a company here in Pittsburgh! My girlfriend and I
have been together almost a year and a half, and I promised an eventual
engagement to her this past Christmas.

Thank you so much for all of your help.

Brent Castillo For more information about my book ‘At last a life’ visit






Will my anxiety ever go away?

Tuesday, March 11th, 2008

This title I have used is because it is one of the questions that people search more for on google than anything else. The trouble is that people will try anything to make it all go away and this in many cases is the problem. Their desperation to be better in many cases makes them worse. I know this is what happened to me. I don’t think a day went by where I did not worry about how I felt, a day never went by without me trying to figure a way out of this hell, a day never went by where I did not try to do something about it. I searched through the yellow pages for something to make it all go away, I tried acupuncture, hypnosis and many other useless treatments that just parted me with my money. My whole week was set around making it all go away, everyday was a battle.

My day would go something like this…..I would wake and feel awful, very anxious and almost like like a walking shell. I also felt odd and strange, not with it, but I had to earn a living so off I went to work in auto pilot. I would get to work and try and hide from everyone how I was feeling, put on an act and hope to hold it all together. I would then be in my own little world for a few hours trying to figure out how to make it all go away. I would worry and obsess daily about how I felt. Then I would go home after an awful day of worry and self pity. Then I would search for the miracle cure to make it all go away, maybe a trip to the library to read my 30th book on the subject, I had to get rid of this thing. At this point I had been given little explanation if any as to what was wrong with me, so I had to try and figure it all out myself. This went on for many years and I was getting worse…Why?

Well a lot of people develop anxiety through a build up of stress. Well I felt worse because I spent all my day worrying and stressing about how I felt, the last thing my body needed, it wanted a break. My mind was so, so tired from all the deep thinking, trying to figure it all out. Did I give it a break? Did I hell, I constanatly tried to figure a way out, again worried and obsessed about it, so my mind tired further and I felt more lost than ever. I felt so dis-connected from the world because I had not allowed myself to connect with it, the subject of anxiety and how to find a way out had consumed me, is it any wonder I was getting worse?

Sometimes even after advising people they can carry on in this pattern. Never quite sure that its not something else and they need to keep searching, worrying and trying to do something about it. In my book I said it is like having a broken leg and hitting it each day, it will never repair, it needs to be left alone and given a little time. They day I gave up the daily battle with myself, the day things got easier. I was not cured by any means, this took more time. To integrate back into the world you need to begin to live in it again, no matter how you feel. Don’t waste time trying to rid yourself of how you feel, this is how anxiety re-invents itself. You are trying to change something that is normal in the circumstances.

I wont claim things are easy, they were not for me at first, the real rewards come later. But this is another mistake people make, they become impatient or let one bad day throw them back into despair. So off they go on their roundabout of searching for something to make it all go away again. There is nothing wrong with educating yourself on the subject if the information is useful. I instantly knew when I read something if it was good information, it made sense, it felt right. All the miracle cures and therapists I had seen before did not, I knew deep down the answer must be out there.

I hope there is something there for people to relate to.

For more help and advice visit my main site


For more information about my book ‘At last a life’ visit

How I first suffered with anxiety and other things.

Monday, March 3rd, 2008

Hi, Well todays post is a double post from a question and a point somebody made through the blog. Firstly I did first suffer through soft drugs that took over my life a bit. I know a lot of other people also first experienced anxiety and depersonalisation this way. Here is the original question.

Paul if you could share a little of your drug experiences, personal as they are, then I think it would help a lot of readers of this site.

I am not going to go into the effects of drugs and I have no right to preach to anyone, but here is how I fell into the trap of anxiety and everything thing else it brought with it.

I basically got into the dance culture of the late 80’s and got into soft drugs, speed and ecstasy. I felt my personality was changing over time and began to feel not with it, a bit dreamy and very little energy. I suppose if you treat your body like that it will get its revenge. I ignored all the signs and carried on until I first felt panic. I had never felt like this before and it really scared me, I knew then I had to stop taking drugs at this time and get myself back together so I stopped. I began to build my health back up but I still suffered from bouts of panic and worried daily about them, I had no anxiety at all at this point. But the constant worry of these bouts of panic and the way I felt made me anxious, as usual it was all the worry of how I was feeling. I then worried about the anxiety and went to see my doctor, who put me on seroxat and propranol. Well to be honest I felt worse, I was also trying to hold down a full time job. So I fought and worried daily about how I was feeling, all this extra worry and stress made me feel worse and then one day I felt unreal, this is when the depersonalisation came on, so I worried and fought even harder. I can see so clearly now how each stage started and why I fell deeper into my condition.

Here is something else I would like to expand on from a comment above.

A final note, Paul suffered for all that time, yet he continues to immerse himself in an environment of people with anxiety issues, I must admit reading some of these posts is great and encouraging, but sometimes it just reminds me of how I feel. If paul suffered for that long, and can come on here and discuss all of this with us, when at one point the word ‘anxiety’ used to send him into a panic, then I honestly know if we stick to the methods, we can all get better.

I agree that we can begin to remind ourselves of how we feel and it does not help at times. This is one of the reasons I don’t have a forum, I am not really a fan of them. They are full of people’s problems and loads of conflicting advice. Someone suffering finds it hard to deal with their own problems without being subjected to many more on a daily basis. There was no way I could have helped others when I still suffered myself.

I moderate this blog as I don’t want it to go down that road. In the main these are posts of support and achievements, something people can read and be encouraged by, also we all tend to stick to the same beliefs which to me is very important, you don’t want to read 10 different bits of advice and think, I wonder if that will work for me, or Sandra said this helped her, I will try that and the search goes on and on and they are more confused than ever.

I always felt able to read about the subject if I could relate to it and I was learning new things, reading something that you can really relate to and that makes sense tends to make you feel better, mainly because you lose a lot of fear about how you are feeling. Reading horror stories of how people are getting worse or how they can’t go out can have the opposite effect, especially when suffering with anxiety as our emotions and reactions are a lot higher.

I help people now and have no problems at all with doing this. As I no longer suffer and have no fear of symptoms then it is very easy for me to help and talk about the subject, otherwise I would have to put myself first and not do so. It is a pleasure to help others when and where I can and we have some wonderful people on here, some who really impress me with the way they have picked up a lot of what I try and get across.

Anyway that’s me for today, I hope you all had a good weekend and that everyone is well.


For more help and advice visit my main site