Archive for February, 2008

Anxiety and obsessive scary thoughts

Sunday, February 24th, 2008

O.k todays post is something someone wanted me to post on. I do have this page on my main site that explains certain things but I will try and explain more here. The original question was……Paul, could you please do a post regarding obsessive thought cycles. Mine are fear of dying, fear of hurting someone physically or sexually, all the usual, fear of self harm/suicide, ITS CRIPPLING MATE and my last symptom to go. I know you yourself have suffered these and your bit in your book is amazing, but without being nosy could you elaborate a little more on what you suffered. Thanks mate! It is the memory of having these thoughts and the fear of them and trying not to think them that is keeping me thinking them!

Firstly anxiety is excess adrenalin, add this to bad nerves and this is why we feel anxious. Now anxiety/adrenalin needs a release, do you ever feel fidgety, like you cannot stand still? Well adrenalin also finds its release in obsessive, odd, scary thoughts, that’s all it is anxiety finding a release. The trouble is the way we lived our lives before anxiety, we think if we think it it must be true or we might follow it through, in fact sometimes its not just the thought, it is WHY we are having them that bothers people. So this is the thing we need to address, understand why they are there and they become less scary and don’t mean as much. Don’t go around questioning why you feel this way or wonder if you may carry a thought through, you won’t, again its just anxiety playing its tricks. I used to have all sorts of odd, obsessive thoughts and I just gave them their space and let them be. NEVER as stated above try not to think them, this means you are running away from them and this means you are giving them loads of respect. As silly and as odd, scary as they are just let them have thier space, who cares they are only thoughts. If you do pay them loads of respect, investigate them, worry or obsees then this tires the mind furthur and it loses some of its resilience and thought seem to stick or race. Also a bit of habit can come into the mix. We may have thought this way for a long while that it seems to have become a habit. But like all habits they can be reversed and they way to reverse them is not to be scared of them, what better way than allow them as much space and freedom to be there. I used to smile at how silly they were at times, anxiety play your tricks if you must I no longer care.

The way to rid yourself of them is to allow them to be there, not to rid yourself of them, worry why you have them. They wont go overnight, in my case they came less often and with less force. I had a great insight into this when I used to go for a long 1 hour run. I came back and all the exercise had burnt off all the excess adrenalin, I had no odd, racing thoughts for a few hours after. Yes they retuned with my anxiety, but I knew that it was just caused by excess adrenalin that needed a release. Otherwise it would have made no difference if I went for a run or not. I was not going crazy or anything, it was anxiety playing its tricks again. I no longer bothered or cared what thoughts came, it did not matter, let my excess adrenalin make me think this way at times, its fine, was my attitude. Again it takes a little time, so don’t think as soon as you give the thoughts time and space they will disappear, have the attitude of ‘It does not matter if they are there or not’ that is always your goal.

I hope there is something there for people to relate to.


For more information and help, visit my main site

For more information about my book ‘At last a life’ visit

A random post about me!

Monday, February 18th, 2008

I thought I would take a break from posting bits of advice and just post some random things. Please do feel free to post something below, it would be nice to know a little more about the people who post here. Well firstly I will just post a few boring bits about myself. I am 37 and live with my partner in Yorkshire, she like my mother was brilliant through my suffering and gave me nothing but support.

I used to work in engineering building turbo chargers, I did this for 11 years, before that I worked for a major sports company. The engineering job was very mundane and boring, the money was good but with my anxiety problems and the need for a change I left. I then went working for a friend of mine who had a carpet business. I did this for a while before I got into web design. I still build sites to this day for people. It is something I enjoy to a degree until you find someone who wants the site changing every two minutes, but its good fun and I am still learning to this day. I also have a few other sites myself, some active, some not as active. Each site takes a lot of work to promote so you tend to slack at times with one or two.

A few hobbies of mine. I love Rugby league and travel up and down the country every week watching games. I also bowl outdoor 3 times a week in the summer and also once a week indoor. I also play squash and football to try and stay fit, I really should eat better, that is always mine downfall at times, I try but the smell of fish and chips always wins : ) I love my ipod and like a wide range of music including R.E.M, Crowded House, Keane, Dance and soul.

I like spending time with friends and have also met some lovely people on-line. I have always thought of placing a forum on the site but they take so much time to moderate and keep up with that I have decided against it and stick with the blog instead. Although I get very busy I never want to be a faceless person behind a site, but the forum would be a step to far I am afraid.

Well that’s a little more about me. Please feel free to add something about yourself below, it would be great to know a little more about others, maybe I am just nosey : )

Thanks for listening


Don’t see anxiety as the enemy

Friday, February 8th, 2008

A similar post to this was on the earlier blog that was lost. A member here asked if I could post it again as he found a lot of comfort in it. So here it is.

People often ask me how I suffered for 10 years and then found my way out of anxiety. Well the main reason is because I now know I did everything wrong. I spent years basically trying to fight and think my way better. Not one day went by without me trying to rid myself of how I felt. And that was the problem, I was trying to rid myself of something that was normal in the circumstances. I suffered anxiety firstly because I had panic episodes through drug withdrawal. I had no idea what was wrong with me and worried daily about these feelings, this added anxiety to the episodes of panic, Wow, now I really had something to worry about. What were these new feelings? The shaking hands, the lack of emotion, the irratibitly, the blurred vision, the racing thoughts. After no answers were given to me by the medical world I worried I was going crazy, I searched my mind daily for answers, I got angry, filled my day with self pity. I worried daily as to what was wrong with me. All this worry led to depersonalisation, my mind protected me from all this worry and shut my emotions down, I felt like a walking shell. I forgot how to smile, to feel emotions, struggled to hold a conversation. So I worried and fought even more. Can you see why we get worse and not better without the right help and advice?

All my body and mind wanted was a break to regain its balance. But I worried daily and added loads more stress to the mix. I thought deeply each day and this tired my mind even furthur and made me feel even more detached from my surroundings. This was something I had to change and I did. As soon as I realised what was wrong with me and why, I lost a lot of fear and bewilderment.

The mistake people make is they are always trying to rid themselves of how they feel, instead of just getting on with their day no matter how they feel. I always say don’t put yourself under any pressure to feel a certain way, If your having a good day then fine, if your having a bad day then fine, just go with it, don’t fall into the trap of trying to constantly do something about it. It is NEVER a case of ridding yourself of how you feel. It is all about changing your attitude towards it and knowledge and understand does change your attitude, it is a lot easier not to worry or be bewildered over something you understand. As one person once said to me ‘ I understand now if you treat anxiety like a monstor and it will treat you like a victim!’ That is a very good way of putting it.

Some people email me asking about medication or if hypnotherpy is good, what do I think about this method or that method. What they are really saying is I want this to go away today, again they want the impossible overnight fix. My own recovery took time, it was like defrosting, normal feelings and emotions came back bit by bit, there was no overnight success. I receive emails from people who are doing so much better, many fully recovered, and in all cases they get in touch a while after first buying the book or landing on the site. This is because they have trusted in what I have said, not rushed things and given their body as much time and space as it needed.

So don’t fall into the trap of seeing anxiety as a big monstor, something you must rid yourself at all costs, this turns into fighting, worrying, self-pity, it gives it all the fuel it needs to continue. You don’t have to go around saying ‘This is just anxiety’, ‘I must accept this’ etc.. Just have a ‘whatever’ attitude’ towards how you feel and move on with your day.

Hope that helps

For more information and help visit my main site

Peoples stories wanted on their struggle or recovery from depersonalisation

Sunday, February 3rd, 2008

Hi Everyone, O.K I have now given myself 6 months to get my new book on depersonalisation ready and out there. I have wanted to start this for ages but have just not had the time. I suffered very badly with this condition and I am now fully recovered. I want to tell my story and also what brought my own recovery, my ideas, beliefs and loads of other things that will hopefully help people. This subject is very popular, if I do a post or a page on my site on the subject then it gets hit upon far more than anything else.

I also notice how little information there is on this subject, it is almost ignored apart from the odd forum. Far more people suffer from this condition that people realise so I may even consider setting up another site, totally dedicated to the subject. Anyway I am looking for people’s stories to add to the book. I will only add your first name to protect your privacy. It does not matter if you are in recovery or not. I am interested in just adding your story, when this started, what you think may have caused it, where you are at the minute with it. I will then edit it and send you it back for you to go through and make sure you are happy with it. Of course then I will send you a free copy of the book when it is ready.

Anyway totally your choice, if anyone is interested then please let me know below or contact me through my site and we can take it from there.

Regards Paul

Anxiety and the support we are suppose to receive

Friday, February 1st, 2008

Well I was not going to post until Monday, but I received an email today that really brought home the lack of support there is out there for sufferers of anxiety. The email was from a mental health worker assigned to help people with anxiety and panic issues, this is her actual job. The letter stated she had looked at my site and found a great deal of insight and would like to know if I could tell her more and advise on how she could split things up to make it work for a 6 week course in helping patients, this is the time each one is allotted.

I found this incredible, someone who is paid and supposedly trained in helping people with anxiety, has no real clue and has had to surf the web and then ask me. No wonder people get worse and not better when they seek help. I will of course reply to her as I would not like to see these people get told a load of mumbo jumbo that will just not help.

I understand that anxiety and recovery from it really is a subject in itself, but training and paying people to give advice on something they know so little about makes me so angry. Its like taking your car to the vets for a service, its just not going to help and you are seeing the wrong person. The real trouble comes though when the person puts so much trust in this person, they receive little help and advice and then falsely believe they will never get better, who can help them now!

Well I will sign off with that thought.

Have a great weekend