Archive for November, 2013

Letting go of yourself and anxiety

Thursday, November 28th, 2013

Before I start today’s post a lot of people have been emailing me asking why the app is no longer available. Well it is a fault on apples side and after numerous phone calls trying to sort it out they have promised to get it back up by next week.

O.K on to todays post which is entitled;

‘The battle with myself is over’

A lot of anxiety sufferers are in a constant battle with themselves, I was on a daily basis also. This battle can take many forms.

It can be;

Trying to figure out why they feel a certain way.

Trying to come across as normal

Trying not to think about anxiety

Trying to hold on to who they are

Trying to feel a certain way

Trying not to feel a certain way

Trying to think a different way

Trying to be somewhere else

Trying to use mantras they have learnt to help ease how they feel

The list goes on, but there is one key word there and that is the word ‘Trying’. That word is what causes the battle as they never accept their current state, it’s always about feeling different. This tires the already tired mind, this stops you engaging with the world around you, this adds pressure to feel a certain way. This keeps you stuck on the subject daily until you feel you can think of nothing else.

I also went through these daily rituals, each day was another battle to get through the best I could, to try and figure it all out, maybe today everything would just slot into place, maybe today I would wake up and it would be all over. Then one day after tiring my mind and body out it hit me that the only way to stop thinking and obsessing about it was to allow it. Not the half hearted attempts I had done before, but a full on allow.

Firstly I understood that allowing would not have me feeling great, forget that, that was the mistake I had made before, I had used it to feel better in the past. Also I wanted to move on from the subject, after years of thinking about it then it would not go over night, my attention would stay on me for a while but this was a long term thing. Last, but not least I had to let myself collapse fully, this meant let my thoughts think whatever, let my feelings go haywire, no more thinking I can accept that, but not that, no more trying to hold on, keep a grip on myself, I had to allow myself to fall in a hole, feel as yuck as needed without going back to old habits of trying to fix.

The statement that I wrote down at the time was ‘The fight to control my mind, my thoughts and my feelings is over’ and I meant it. I could no longer care if I felt good or bad, alert or distant, clear or foggy headed, anxious or not, a racing or still mind, nothing was off limits anymore. How could I worry if I had completely allowed? how could I try and fix if I had fully allowed? how could I keep going over and over things if I had fully allowed? This was a process and a lot of feelings surfaced stronger than ever as they were no longer suppressed or controlled and had the space and freedom for once to be felt and then to escape.

It’s the need to control, the instinct we are born with that kept me in the loop. It’s not always easy to stay calm and not get involved when your thoughts and feelings are racing around, but these feelings are not you, they are just surface feelings, an off shoot of anxiety and are totally harmless, they can only hold the respect you give them. They actually want to be left alone so they can go ahead and heal, they don’t need your constant worry and intervention, the best way to fix yourself is to stop trying to fix yourself.

Hope that helps in some way

Paul

For more information about my book ‘At last a life’ visit www.anxietynomore.co.uk/the_book.html

New Anxietynomore App

http://www.anxietynomore.co.uk/anxietynomoreapp.html

For more help with anxiety visit www.anxietynomore.co.uk

Follow me on Twitter or on facebook www.facebook.com/anxietynomoreuk

How my battle with anxiety ended

Thursday, November 7th, 2013
Hi Everyone, I am using Facebook as much as the blog to put info out so I will share any new posts on both, below is the latest Facebook post that hopefully will help. Apologies for the different font, it was how it came out after copying and pasting.
I just placed this statement on my twitter account as it was something I wrote down many years ago and it stayed with me for all these years and one I use in general life, which was; ‘Everything is at it is and things go how they go’
It was essential for me to develop this attitude years ago and it did become a built in attitude and not just words on a peace of paper. You cannot say something, but then not believe or mean it, as was the case with me at first. I would go into a situation with these words, but really I was saying ‘Everything is as it is and things go as they go, but please go well, let me feel O.K’ or I would use it thinking ‘I will feel great now with this statement’ only then to still feel anxious and think, ‘Well that did not work’, little did I realise I was missing the point, it was not there to make me feel better, it was there to stop me avoiding, it was not there to make me feel great, it was there to stop me trying to feel different.
The whole point was it was not about striving to feel good anymore, which had totally had the opposite effect and my whole day had been consumed by it. It was about accepting who I was and situations with utter acceptance. Some days would be good, some days would be bad, some situations would go well, some not so well, I would now try to be neutral to it all. I would stop ‘Trying’ to feel different, I would stop watching my own social performance, there would be no more inquest when things did not go as I wanted. But in time I got far more out of this statement when the meaning truly sunk in. I stopped worrying so much about future events, I stopped mentally going over things as much, I stopped living inside my head as much, wondering how I felt or how things were going. My mind felt clearer, my anxiety levels dropped.
Someone who worked in a hospice once said that when someone finds out they have a few months to live then understandably their initial reaction is anger, resentment and huge sadness, but in the last couple of weeks when they are resigned to it and fully accept it then a huge sense of peace comes over them, many saying that they had never felt calm like it. I learnt a lot from that story and understood that it was my resistance to my current state that had caused me so much more suffering and it was time to fully accept it and stop fighting against myself.
If I did not wage a war with my mind and body then it would not wage a war against me.

Paul

For more information about my book ‘At last a life’ visit www.anxietynomore.co.uk/the_book.html

New Anxietynomore App

http://www.anxietynomore.co.uk/anxietynomoreapp.html

For more help with anxiety visit www.anxietynomore.co.uk

Follow me on Twitter or on facebook www.facebook.com/anxietynomoreuk