Anxiety becomes a learned behaviour

Well sorry this post has took so long, but as stated I went away for a few weeks and I have just got back, recharged and refreshed. Today’s post covers something that is very important and was something that kept me in the cycle of anxiety for a long time. I am all for changing behaviours to move forward with anxiety, although saying that I am not one for going down the homework route or filling in progress sheets. That was never me, I always liked a simplistic approach rather than loads of garble or medical jargon.

I have always believed anxiety is made far over complicated to recover from by some. A good understanding and the right attitude did it for me. Understanding what was happening when I felt anxious and why I did, did far more for me than any other so called help that was thrown at me in the early days. Once I understood far more, then I worried far less and stopped going over and over things whilst trying to continuously fix it. This obviously helped as with less worry came less anxiety, the less I went over and over things, then the more open and flexible my mind was. Having the right attitude helped in no longer let anxiety rule what I did and did not do. At first I hated the way I felt, I would tense against it daily, try and push it away, get really angry about it, avoid everywhere and everything that made me feel this way, no wonder I got worse and my life got narrower.

I now understood it was not just going to disappear and I just learnt to just live with it, take it with me. Did I like it? No, but it did not hinder me as much and I wasted far less of my day on it. At one time it was all I thought about, the subject was me 24/7. My whole life revolved around getting better, then I realised I had to stop trying as this was the very thing that was hindering me. So I made friends with it, took it with me and stopped treating it like the enemy. If I felt odd and anxious, then so be it, I was tired of trying not to feel this way. Yes it took time to build up the perfect attitude and I would sometimes have a good cry or feel sorry for myself on a bad day, but the next day I was back out and not letting it dominate my life like it had.

Every habit can be changed as long as we understand that it wont happen overnight.

There is one question that I asked myself whilst suffering and when answering I wrote down a list of things that had become a learnt behaviour. I can’t say this was the exact list below, but it would have been something like it and I am sure some others can identify with it. The reason for the list was that I wanted to identify what learnt behaviours I had developed and try and reverse them.

So the question to anyone is;

What do I do differently now, to what I did before I suffered ?

My list would have been something like the below;

I went over that conversation I had with my friend and wondered if I upset her?

This is an easy one for anxiety to grab hold of as we feel far more sensitive than we normally would do and may look into things far too much. I remember this one as I was very sensitive. People had to act the way I thought they should or I would think I had done something wrong or they did not like me. I identified that I would not have done this before I suffered, so the anxiety was to blame and that in future I could think this way, but I would just let it go and know I was being silly or over sensitive. I would no longer see it as the truth.

Did that workmate notice my anxiety? I tried so hard to cover it up.

Well I would never stand there in the past trying to cover things up as there was nothing to cover up. I started to ask others who knew I suffered if they noticed how I felt and they said no, sometimes you may talk a little faster, but no we don’t notice. This meant a lot to me as you tend to think everyone notices how you are feeling but are just keeping it from you. So I then stopped trying to cover up how I felt, if I stumbled on a few words or rambled a bit then that was fine. I knew from experience trying to cover up anxiety had the opposite effect, as you were then anxious about people seeing you anxious, which put far more pressure on you to come across as O.K.

I worried about going to that social function next week

Well again I would not be worrying about going to a social event pre anxiety, I would be looking forward to it. I then realised I was not scared of the event itself, I was worried about being anxious and how I came across. There is no instant switch to stop you getting anxious over a social event, but it taught me that I had to just take things as they came and that feeling anxious was not then end of the world and the more I felt it, then the less I would feel it. I had to get used to it and put myself out there and then I would train my sub conscious to realise there was nothing to get anxious about. So basically I went to social events and took them as they came, not worrying if I felt anxious or not. Most times I would feel some anxiety, but it was never as bad as I thought it would be and usually by the end of the night I was chatting freely and as expected in time it just got easier.

I kept checking in to see how I felt, having internal conversations to try and make sense of it all

Again this is something the regular person on the street does not do, even if they had broken there finger they would not check in every few minutes to see how it felt. They would just understand the pain will go in time and there is nothing they can do about it. When I learnt that I could not switch anxiety off, it was a relief. I no longer had to search in my mind for that instant cure and I could just move on with my day and think about other things.

I got home and put off things that needed doing, I just didn’t feel like it

Anxiety can make us feel mentally and physically tired, as our body is working faster than normal and stress hormones do affect our muscles and make them feel heavy. Add that to an over active mind and we can feel tired and weary for no reason. The best thing I did was to do the jobs that needed doing and get out in the fresh air. Lounging around feeling sorry for myself made me feel even more exhausted.

Today I avoided anything that may make me anxious and built my day around it

Again this is something I did that I would not have done in the past. I realised that anxiety was beginning to control what I did and did not do and I wanted to take charge again. So I no longer avoided feeling this way, no more living a life full of safety behaviours. Anxiety could not harm me, it was only adrenalin on an overworked nervous system that created was was just an unpleasant feeling. I am not saying I woke one day and did everything. I just learnt to see the signs of avoidence, where I would be just about to make excuses not to go somewhere and then just get my coat on and do it. The well known saying ‘Feel the fear and do it anyway’ was never far from my thoughts.

I went over and over things trying to find a way out a way to make this horrible thing go away

Before anxiety came along my thoughts would be about the weekends plans, the new top I had seen, my friends and family and certainly not about the way I felt. When we become so engulfed in ourselves and how we are feeling then we become very internal and have little time or space in our mind for anything or anybody else. The subject becomes us and the more we think about it, the more distant and detached we feel, so we may then think even more about our situation. This was certainly me and it was a vicious cycle. I was convinced if I kept thinking of a way out, then eventually I would hit on the answer and I would be free. All I achieved was to become like a walking shell that had no interest in the outside world. I just thought about me and found it hard to break free. It was like I was behind a pane of glass and the world was on the other side and I was not part of it. This I would say was the lowest point of my anxiety. But once identified I understood why I felt this way and then began to worry less and less about the state I was in. I then had to learn to live and work with this distant/detached feeling and not be so impressed by it. And in time the less I thought and worried about myself, the more engaged I felt with the world around me again. You don’t have to suffer with anxiety to get to this state. Have you ever seen that lost and glazed look on someone who has lost a loved one? You may ask them something and it barely registered. Again this is because they are thinking so deeply about what they have lost, they let nothing else in and they become distant to their surroundings. In time the grief eases and they become part of the world again. This is exactly what I had to do.

I met a friend in the street and just rambled on trying to get away as quickly as possible

Another classic thing that I did, I again identified that I did not do this in the past and that the best way to overcome it was to stay in the conversation and no longer run at the first sign of adrenalin. This really was what it was, I had taught my body to see danger in someone approaching and it set off the fight or flight, run or stay. As usual I did not want to feel anxious so I went for run. I again realised there was no danger talking to a friend in the street, I was just running away from making a fool of myself. So the next time the blast of adrenalin came, I just stayed and although it did not go particularly well,  I knew I would look far less strange staying than I would do running off each time and more than that I knew the long term rewards would be worth it. And in time I taught my body there was no danger in that friend in the street, the blast of adrenalin weakened in time as I had chatted many times now and had got used to it. It is like a bungee jumper who feels far more adrenalin the first time he jumps that the 20th time. His body has got used to it and in time produces less adrenalin.

We don’t always identify these learnt behaviours whilst we are doing them, as we tend to just do what we think is best at the time. It is only when we step back and observe how we are acting or write down the things we do now that we did not do before, that we can become aware of them. We all know our own bad habits and what we can do to improve them. Don’t just follow the same down trodden path, the short term, but safe way, the path that has no victory’s and little, if any progress. Try and identify what you now do differently and see if like the above you can change the habit or learn a new attitude.

I hope the above helps



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1,405 Responses to “Anxiety becomes a learned behaviour”

  1. Paul A Says:

    I agree with everything in this inspiring post paul and im putting the words into action which although its difficult it does seem to be working. one thing you dont mention is feelings of depression, did you encounter this or is it just me. since ive been following your advice i have noticed a lot more sustained periods of depression and i really hope it wont last, thanks again.

  2. Rachel A Says:

    Welcome back Paul, and thank you for yet another inspiring, positive post. I bought the kindle version of your book and lent my hard copy to a friend, who has found it really helpful. Thank you. X

  3. Rachel A Says:

    Paul A – anxiety and depression often come hand in hand and you’re certainly not alone in the way you feel. The depression will pass, just like all the other symptoms of anxiety will pass.

  4. Paul A Says:

    thanks rachel, the other symptoms i find easier to deal with but i was wondering if there was anything i could take to lighten my mood or will this interfere with the rest of my recovery. i was thinking more herbal than antidepressants as ive been down that road and it nearly scared me to death.

  5. elena Says:

    i am new on comments but old on reading the whole article on the site and blog… it’s a wonderful blog and it’s my way out…i’ve got anxiety for 4 months and i am much better now thanks to this blog and thanks to you Paul. I still have my bad days and my good days. I am going through all the steps of anxiety. 2 days i can’t bread, few days i have something in my neck, few days i am nervous and so on. But the only thought i can;t lose it is what if i am going crazy of course…i can handle all the simpthoms but not the one with what if i am going crazy..oh and another symptoms i don’t know if one of you ever have it…i feel like i have a little shake in my whole body and sometimes i have the impresion that my head and my whole body is shaking…I don’t know if it’s normal. But that is the main sympthoms that cause me the what if question.

    From my first panic attack – just because i didn’t know what it was – i use to go out for walk just to refresh myself. So still now when i am not feeling so well i am going out…the only problem is that not alone everytime.
    I hope since i have it only for 4 months i will be able to manage it in an easy way. In rest i am felling like i am a normal person. I can meet with my friends (my anxiety say no but i always say yes) and have a chat, have a beer…now i started some italian courses because we’ve just move in Italy and i can’t wait to learn the language because i want to do some meditation course too.

    So nice to meet you all and see you around and thanks for everything.

  6. elena Says:

    p.s. sorry if my english is not so good! :)

  7. Jo Says:

    Hi Paul welcome back. Thank you for that post, I think it’s something we all need to hear. I know I do. We are going out for a meal tonight and I am slightly anxious about it and find myself looking at the clock and thinking how much time is left for me to start to feel better so I can go out! I do spend a lot of time avoiding doing things because I think I can’t do them, but I am trying to just get on with it anyway. x

  8. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Jo, Trying ‘not’ to feel anxious makes you feel more anxious and worrying about it just builds anxiety as your anxious about being anxious. Its this attitude that needs to change as your treating it as the big enemy, something to be avoided and control.

    You are better with a ‘whatever’ attitude, if you feel anxious then so be it, if not then even better. Don’t give so much respect to what is just a feeling and just try to take it as it comes without so much pre planning and worrying.

  9. Debbie Says:

    Paul great post just what the doc ordered, it’s so easy to be inward rather than outward when you feel so bad, I have definately done this anxiety has taken me over completely at the moment, I continually scan myself and automatically think I can’t do things, so I do need to break this cycle as its not good, well it’s definately not helping me so really there’s not much point doing it is there?
    Glad you are back nice and chilled! x

  10. mm16 Says:

    Jo , take pauls words onboard and go enjoy your meal .
    You are a very special lady , i feel close to you and havnt even met you .
    Your contributions on here have been amazing , and you answer everyones posts .
    So many times you have given me that “encouraging liitle push forward” in really difficult times . xx

  11. susie Says:

    I am new to your blog having recently read your book. The thing I struggle with at the moment is not paying attention to the anxiety. I work and have children so have to get out and about daily but “how do I feel” still dominates my mind. How do you train your mind to ignore the feelings? I know I can overcome this once I know how to stop analysing myself all the time…….

  12. mm16 Says:

    Paul , welcome back and thank you for another brilliant post .
    If you get time could you help me with this …. I am having days of feeling so much better , less anxious and low mood improving . I want to think “yes im improving” and recovery is happening , albeit a little slow . Is it ok to encourage my good feelings , it frightens me to admit im getting better . The thought keeps coming in my head , hey your improving and i want to think “you sure are “.
    How did you approach this paul ?

  13. Mark R Says:

    Hi Paul,

    Welcome back. Good post but I have to say I don’t suffer from many of the things you listed thankfully.

    I have been reading about meditation recently and I did stumble across a book written by a Japanese doctor. It seems the whole acceptance thing has its roots in Japanese psychology which pre dates Claire Weekes by about 20 years. Not too far into it but it says that although we are helpless to change our feelings but we are in control of what we do. In other words take your feelings with you and do what you want / need to do anyway. Fascinating stuff

  14. Jo Says:

    Thank you Paul, I do struggle with the whatever attitude, and get stuck in the cycle of how I’m feeling.

    Michelle – thank you too, I feel close to you too, like we are friends. We all help each other, so I don’t do anything different to anyone else, but I do appreciate your words. x

  15. Doreen Says:

    Welcome back Paul to the ‘sunny’ north

  16. natalie Says:

    fantastic post paul !!! covered about everything i believe we all have felt at some point and to see you did to and have come through by keeping it simple is very inspiring and reassuring !!.,
    mm16 = just glanced your post, and as far as i am concerned there is nothing wrong with a little encouragement so if you want to give yourself a pat on the back or accept to yourself that you are improving then do it.. it’s all about being ok with how you are feeling and if that is how you feel at the time .. don’t over think it .. do it !! remember the strength comes from the confidence that we hold about something. The more confident you are that you are stronger and better than before then that will be your belief
    well done you and here’s to more positive days for you x

  17. natalie Says:

    ps i remember something on here a while ago about a get together x was thinking of going but was going on holiday just wondered if it ever happened and how it went ? thought was a really good idea to met some of the people on here that you get to speak to and send time enjoying each others company, faces to names etc. .. at the end of the day we all share so much of ourselves on this site and i can see real friendships developing so something positive does come from all this hardship doesn’t it x

  18. Jason Says:

    Hi, Paul

    Your blog makes it easy to read for the regular person who has anxiety issues, did you use any positive self talk and if so what type. I still struggle with not fearing the sensations or thoughts which makes me avoid certain situations and what types of things did you do to sleep.

  19. Steff Says:

    My anxiety has now jumped onto my health. Fearing every twinge and pain – do we treat this kind of anxiety the same? X

  20. Pete Says:

    Hello everyone this is my first post, I don’t suffer to badly with the above symptoms, Im suffering most with intrusive thoughts, some days I can handle it and other days I struggle, all the usual stuff e.g am I going insane. Is this the start of me losing control. I find it hard to even watch the news just in case I see something terrible is on there and it freaks me out. I talk to my wife a lot which helps because we have a laugh about it and I realise how stupid it is but this is the last symptom to go and the most frustrating. After putting Paul’s strategies in place I feel I’m having more good days than bad now, just wondering if anyone else struggled with this. Thank you for any help.

  21. Susie Says:

    I am new to this blog having suffered with anxiety for almost 2 years and recently reading the book. I am struggling however with learning to live along side the anxiety and not give it the attention it demands. How do you retrain your mind not to constantly think “how do I feel..?” I manage to hold down my job and bring up my family but my mind is constantly checking how I feel. My worst times are driving & traffic, shops & queues, restaurants, school runs, etc meaning I force myself to do them but am on the edge all the time, checking how I feel and making myself feel worse. I am not sure I understand yet how to stop my mind analizing how I feel continuously….how did other people here do it..?

  22. kelly Says:

    Paul A – Paul does mention in his book that he suffered from depression with the anxiety. I think it comes from living with anxiety on a daily basis and wondering how long you may be this way and obviously it having an adverse effect on your life.

    Jo – Hope you have a fantasic meal tonight. You deserve it. As soon as you develop the ‘whatever’ attitude Paul talks about you will be well on your way.

    Mm16 – So glad you are having more positive days now. They do come when your not looking for them to come 9 times out of 10.

    Mark R – Was reading your post the other day and its great to see how you have improved. I think however much you look into it from different people, different perspectives etc the answer will always be the same – acceptance. I bought a Claire Weeks book but to be honest even after reading it I still think Paul’s book is all that is really needed on the subject. It explains everything very clearly and simply.

    Jason – It can be very hard learning to not fear the thoughts or sensations but it all takes time and practise. As Paul points out in this post its just learnt behaviour, behaviour which can be reversed with time and patience. You have to get to a point where you don’t care if a particular symptom or thought is there or not and just accept it and move on with your day. The sleep issue would be the same concept, develop a whatever attitude to it. The more you fight anxiety the more it controls you. In the respect of sleep, the more you try to get to sleep the more you won’t sleep. Just think ‘if I sleep then I sleep, if I don’t I dont’.

    Steff – All anxiety is the same. Whether it be health anxiety your suffering from, general anxiety or any other anxiety. Anxiety tends to focus on the things we fear most to try and scare us. I have been reading your recent posts and even though I didn’t get chance to reply I do know how your feeling. When you have children you then develop a load of fears you never had before. This is normal, however when they affect your life so bad, that’s when it becomes a problem. I too have suffered from health anxiety and know how dehabiltating it can be. The best thing you can do is to just accept every twinge, pain etc as just anxiety. The symptoms can be scary and they can be worrying however you have to learn to not focus on them and not fear them. What I have found to be helpful is whenever you start having horrible thoughts or sensations is to take your mind off it and just concentrate on what is going on in the present moment.

  23. Charlotte Says:

    Hi Paul, thanks for another inspiring post, much needed!

    I completely related to when you said before your anxiety you only thought about the weekend or that new top, and in it all you thought about was how you are feeling. This is me at the moment, and although I have faced alot of my anxiety issues, socialising alot, even applying for a job, it is still there all day… that weird feeling that i dont feel quite right, it really gets me down.
    I then wonder if I’m still depressed over my break up, or is it anxiety… i’m searching for those answers and try to live along side it all in the hope that I will feel at peace again x

  24. Steff Says:

    Thanks Kelly for that reply! Needed that x

  25. Steff Says:

    I just had tingling going all down my arm and into my fingers, does this sound like a symptom of anxiety too?

  26. kelly Says:

    Steff – No problem at all. I have had similar fears to you involving my little one. He’s 16 months old. I have looked at him sometimes and thought ‘I love this little boy so much, I don’t want to lose him, what if something happens to me?’ etc. At some point I realised all this time I was spending worried about losing him was actually resulting in me wasting time when I could have been spending valuable time with him. Your fears will settle and your anxiety will calm down. Just let it be, let it try and scare you but know this – it cannot hurt you and nothing bad is going to happen x

  27. kelly Says:

    Steff – There is a list of like 100+ symptoms of anxiety on the internet. You would be surprised what weird kind of symptoms anxiety can cause. Yes I have had this but it will go. Just bring your attention away from it and onto something else. Its just adrenalin getting a release.

  28. Jo Says:

    Hi all – just back from the meal and it was fine, felt perfectly normal ! Just hope I feel the same in the morning. Thank you all for your kind words and encouragement.xx

  29. Doreen Says:

    Steff – I think some of the physical symptoms you describe are perfectly normal events which probably happen to most people at some time or other, such as the tingling sensation. I do not think that they are themsleves are always symptoms of anxiety. You are over sensative to everything your body is doing at the moment and noticing things which usually you would hardly be aware of and certainly not worry about. Anxiety is the problem – not the various aches, pains, tingles to which you are paying so much attention.

  30. Mark R Says:

    I then wonder if I’m still depressed over my break up, or is it anxiety… i’m searching for those answers and try to live along side it all in the hope that I will feel at peace again

    Charlotte dont waste time over this, its a wasted energy. You don’t need to search for any answers at all. Just accept it all.

  31. Steff Says:

    Kelly thanks so much for being there for me, just having someone reply really helps! I was laying in bed quite chilled and then I just felt the tingling and it scared me I must admit! Hubbie at work kids asleep and I just feel a little bit lost! Not wallowing just got to accept it was just a “feeling” …
    Ive had anxiety on / off for 2 years, at some points I felt near enough 100% these symptoms have just shook me a little x

  32. Steff Says:

    Thanks for the reply Doreen xx

  33. Gary Says:

    Jo – im so pleased you enjoyed your meal, when we feel in the zone its lovely to do things like going for a meal as its a change to our normal routine – and its nice to have a treat and have someone cook for us too!! xx

  34. kelly Says:

    Steff – No problem at all. Will be here for a chat if you need it, would be more than happy to try to help you if I can.
    Anxiety can tend to be worse when at rest because your mind is more likely to wander and think about things more so than when you are busy doing things. I have at some points throughout this thought I was dying from some unknown illness because of so many weird symptoms that I had never ever experienced before. When we are in the cycle of anxiety we notice every little thing, where as someone without anxiety would not even let it concern them xx

  35. kelly Says:

    Jo – So glad your meal went well. X

  36. mm16 Says:

    Lovely that your meal went well jo .xx

  37. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Jo Says:
    July 17th, 2012 at 8:42 pm e
    Hi all – just back from the meal and it was fine, felt perfectly normal ! Just hope I feel the same in the morning. Thank you all for your kind words and encouragement.xx

    Jo don’t take this the wrong way, but you are doing it again, please take on board what I say and don’t hope you feel like this in the morning. However you feel is fine, don’t put pressure on yourself to feel a particular way, as if you don’t feel this way in the morning then you will start being hard on yourself again, questioning why and trying to fix it. Don’t rate your day on how you feel, just take how you feel with you. It’s never about how you feel, more your attitude towards it.

  38. ginger797 Says:

    charlotte, i agree with markr “s post..just accept how you feel and try to stop “listening in” when i read your post what came to my mind is a claire weekes quote(which pops into my head everytime i find myself doing what your doing) and that quote is, “how could you have completly accepted it if you still complain about it”

  39. mm16 Says:

    Morning everyone , up early and going dog walking soon .

    Natalie thank you for your lovely reply , will take your wise words onboard :-).
    Ginger 797 love that claire weekes quote , time for me to use it
    Hope everyone has a lovely day xxx

  40. Jason Says:

    Thanks, Kelly for your quick answer and including me everyone thinks there situation is more complicated than the rest and for the most part its just something simple as let it be. Ive been dealing with anxiety my whole life but not this bad for about a year and a half.

  41. Jess Says:

    Hello all,
    This is the first time i read the blog and what i am reading is of great comfort, it brings me to tears. I have been suffering from health anxiety and occasional panic attacks for two years now and sometimes i just feel hopeless. I have changes so much since before this started and sometimes the feeling of anxiety its so overwhelming that i feel that something terrible will happen. I have avoided any kind of medication until now, but recently i am feeling that I can not do this alone anymore and that maybe some help would be useful. I wish for all of us to find the strength and go forward and find happiness.

  42. elena Says:

    i am new on comments but old on reading the whole article on the site and blog… it’s a wonderful blog and it’s my way out…i’ve got anxiety for 4 months and i am much better now thanks to this blog and thanks to you Paul. I still have my bad days and my good days. I am going through all the steps of anxiety. 2 days i can’t bread, few days i have something in my neck, few days i am nervous and so on. But the only thought i can;t lose it is what if i am going crazy of course…i can handle all the simpthoms but not the one with what if i am going crazy..oh and another symptoms i don’t know if one of you ever have it…i feel like i have a little shake in my whole body and sometimes i have the impresion that my head and my whole body is shaking…I don’t know if it’s normal. But that is the main sympthoms that cause me the what if question.

    From my first panic attack – just because i didn’t know what it was – i use to go out for walk just to refresh myself. So still now when i am not feeling so well i am going out…the only problem is that not alone everytime.
    I hope since i have it only for 4 months i will be able to manage it in an easy way. In rest i am felling like i am a normal person. I can meet with my friends (my anxiety say no but i always say yes) and have a chat, have a beer…now i started some italian courses because we’ve just move in Italy and i can’t wait to learn the language because i want to do some meditation course too.

    So nice to meet you all and see you around and thanks for everything.

  43. mm16 Says:

    Hi elena , nice to hear from you . I was sure i was going crazy or had gone crazy . Anxiety loves to make you think that , and its all rubbish . I know for sure anxiety sufferers are far from crazy . We just suffering from over worrying about everything .
    Elena , keep posting and reading posts here . They are all a lovely bunch on here :-)
    Your attitude is brilliant ( your anxiety says no , but you say yes )
    Yes i get where the body seems to shake , the nerves are sensitised and takes a bit of time to heal, dont let it bother you , just another symptom that eventually goes .
    Wouldnt mind a bit of that warm italian sunshine .
    Nice to meet you too xx

  44. mm16 Says:

    Elena , i read this site for along time .When i started to post and meet friends on here , it helped so much more than just reading . To speak to others that understand and give encouragment , has helped me move forward by miles xx

  45. Monica Says:

    Hello everyone :) I’d just like to say thank you to Paul and to everyone on the site that has shared their struggles with anxiety. I’ve struggled myself on and off for years without really knowing what was wrong with me. I had a bit of a breakdown a few months ago and soon after found this website/blog. Glad to say I’m doing MUCH better! Realizing that so many people (unfortunatley) have suffered from the same thing and gotten through it has been an incredible help.
    The turning point for me was when I realized that NOTHING BAD EVER ACTUALLY HAPPENED during an anxiety or panic attack. Yep I felt/feel awful and scared and ready to hide under the bed everytime an attack hits. And the depersonalization was so bad I was sure I was losing my mind and my identity…..but nothing bad really ever happened for me to be scared of other than how I felt. I dont know if anyone can relate to this but I hope it might help someone…..

  46. Jo Says:

    Paul – thank you again for replying. I can see that I do that, hope for a better morning! I suppose it’s because I hate waking up to that dread feeling, but I will take on board what you are saying. It’s so hard though isn’t it ?

  47. Charlotte Says:

    Ginger & Mark thank you for your replies. It’s almost like I have half accepted it but still clinging on to it at the same time. It’s a difficult thing to let go of, as it’s the brains way to figure out what is wrong with you to fix it. Will defiantly try more of Paul’s whatever attitude and the acceptance will come x

  48. Jo Says:

    Hi Elena and welcome to the site. You seem to have a very good attitude to anxiety, well done. Yes, I feel like I am shaking or trembling sometimes, I think it is just our highly sensitsed nerves. And the feeling of going crazy – yes I have that too, not so much now I am understanding what is happening though, but it is a very strong fear in most people I think. You are doing very well to still go out, even if you are not always alone. I haven’t been out on my own for a very long time.
    You English is very good. I am ashamed to say I can’t speak any other languages. x

  49. Jo Says:

    Morning everyone and thank you for your replies. There are so many to read through :)

  50. Steff Says:

    I’m doing okish today just struggling with letting it be! It seems I am fighting with my symptoms, im telling myself they are just anxiety, but then that horrible little voice jumps in and says “say if it’s not and your really ill” just keeping myself busy and allowing my mind to chatter, it’s so hard! Ive not been awake long and already I am exhausted!

  51. kelly Says:

    Morning all,

    Just coming around after having my first coffee of the day. Had a brilliant day yesterday. Felt more like me and felt so happy. When I woke up I felt like I just wanted to lounge on the sofa but ended up cleaning the living room which took about two hours and I actually enjoyed it. It was great to see everything looking so neat and tidy at the end :-) Matt done us a cooked breakfast and then I went in search of looking for a dog for Theo. Managed to find one pretty much straight away and went to pick it up yesterday afternoon. Also cooked a candlelit meal for me and matt for the evening. I was so relaxed and it was nice.

    Then last night I looked into open university courses and have decided I want to do a degree in psychology :-)

  52. kelly Says:


    You are doing the right thing. It will be hard at first but you will get there. All your doing is reversing a learnt behaviour. I always liken it a bit to giving up smoking, if you go cold turkey for a while you will crave a cigarette because now that is what your used to and its part of your day. However cutting down gradually sees better results. I think the same applies with anxiety, for so long it has been a part of your day and you just want it gone straight away but like smoking gradual changes see a good end result. Just keep strong, you can do this.

  53. Steff Says:

    I felt fine as soon as I woke up and then thought ‘how does my armpit feel’ so of course the feeling came back! I didn’t have this symptom until I read about something on the Internet, it’s it possible to imagine it hurts! Am so lost in my head! This health anxiety is the trickiest one yet, well for me anyway!

  54. Debbie Says:

    Jo glad you enjoyed your meal, what Paul said is something we all do isn’t it? I certainly do as having a good moment is soooo good we hope for more. I’m sure you will have lots more, you usually enjoy going out for meals don’t you, even though you get anxious beforehand, it’s that build up of worrying if your going to be ok, perhaps now you know you are ok going you can look forward to next time.x

    Kelly you are very brave go for it girl! x

  55. Jo Says:

    Kelly – well done for getting on with finding a course, like Debbie says – go for it. Having a dog will get you out more too for healthy walks :)

  56. Jo Says:

    Debbie – you are so right, and I was surprised at how normal I felt last’s hard not to hope for it to carry on. x

  57. Jo Says:

    Steff – you have got to be strong and stop reading up on things. You will just imagine you have allsorts of illnesses! Your armpit worry has taken the place of the ‘how do I feel’ worry, and yes I think you can imagine anything when your nerves are so sensitive. x

  58. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Jo Says:

    July 18th, 2012 at 7:19 am e

    Paul – thank you again for replying. I can see that I do that, hope for a better morning! I suppose it’s because I hate waking up to that dread feeling, but I will take on board what you are saying. It’s so hard though isn’t it ?

    We all hope to feel well, anxiety or not, there is nothing wrong with that. Just try not to put any pressure on yourself to do so, as you just set yourself up for dissapointment. Recovering from anxiety long term needs as little stress and pressure as possible and if we put more stress and pressure on ourselves to feel better or get anxious because were anxious we are just adding more worry and stress onto our nervous system. A nervous system that needs peace and rest.

    I was a nervous wreck at one point and whilst I worried and tried daily not to feel this way, nothing changed, it is only when I gave my mind and body the rest and space it needed that things changed. Have you ever read anything on here and for the rest of the day felt much better? The day after you may not feel so great again, but that little saying that you related so well to changed your attitude to how you felt for a small while to and you had a better day. I am sure people who read through my posts and others reply’s have a totally different attitude to the way they feel and are less scared and bewilered by it than when they first came here.

    Jo really what I am trying to say is yes, enjoy the good days, they are great and show that a change is happening. Just don’t get too down about the bad, they are not so good, but you learn more from then and get a chance to show anxiety that you no longer care.

    Thanks for all the welcome backs also, great to be back and seeing friends and family and this place has really grown in numbers, the main thing for me though is not numbers but the quality of posters and a friendly more helpful bunch I don’t think I have seen on here in days gone by. It is always the people who come here that make it what it is.

  59. kelly Says:

    Debbie and Jo – Thanks for the encouragement. I know in my heart that’s what I want to do. Will be a lot of hard work but I am determined to do it xx

  60. kelly Says:

    Oops and welcome back Paul :/ Just realised I am about the only one who hadn’t said it… Eek :-) hope you had a good trip

  61. Teresa Says:

    Welcome back Paul! You certainly covered a lot of the south West :)

    I have not been on here for a while as i have been trying/not trying to just get on with life and carry anxiety beside of me. I have learnt a lot which I think maybe helpful to others.
    It is probably the same things that everyone else has said in the past but i will share a few things for now.

    Anxiety creates the thoughts you have – the thoughts create the feelings (whatever they are).
    Anxiety creates the belief that you will be like this forever – it is a scientific fact that anixiety creates adhesive thinking and thoughts that this is forever.

    Trying to stop thoughts is not the answer, letting them be there regardless of their ‘properganda’ is the answer. Getting on with life/mindfullness of what you are doing sends the brain a message that it does not have to enter the ‘to do’ mode of behaviour – it takes practice, repeated practice. It takes courage sometimes, especially when you have been doing well and then feel you have slipped on a snake again – but the brain is learning all the time.

    I have been on holidays , on an aeroplane, swum in the sea, had meals out – came home and was pretty good for several weeks. I am now having problems again – but I am trying/not trying to adopt a new attitude it’s not easy but the alternative isn’t either so I must get on with it for now.

    As Paul says when you hear /read something and your attitude changes you can feel well that shows us all it’s possible.

  62. mm16 Says:

    Monica , this is what happened to help me move forward too . I was thrown in the deep end and had to take my mum for chemo treatment . I began to see , that nothing bad ever happened , just had horrible feelings to put up with . When some of the fear goes , improvements begin to happen :-) x

  63. mm16 Says:

    Jo , we will have to work on letting the bad days happen , and as paul says “learn from them ” Thats a toughie for us to do , but we will get there .
    Hope you are having a nice day . I am cooking tea for the family tonight , so a busy bee today xxx

  64. mm16 Says:

    Kelly, your lovely and positive . Let us all know how the new doggie is settling in xx

  65. Jo Says:

    Paul thank you again. Yes reading your posts and those encouraging words from my friends on here has certainly helped me a lot. When I think back to a few months ago and the early mornings of coughing and vomiting for a couple of hours,(which my doctor told me was nothing to do with anxiety) I can see a big improvement. That very rarely happens now unless I make the mistake of lying in bed stewing too long! Usually in the morning I won’t venture to town until I feel able to, but we went earlier this morning and I took the unpleasant feelings with me, and it wasn’t so bad.
    You were right too Paul, about the interests returning. I have been doing a little crafting, not just to have a distraction but because I wanted to. I haven’t started painting yet but my thoughts are turning towards it again, and I have started watching the art programme which I had lost all interest in. I can’t thank you enough for setting up this web site and giving your time to help us all. x

  66. Jo Says:

    Hi Michelle, Paul is so wise. I wonder if he would come and live next door to me :)
    Just been out shopping and didn’t fare too badly, but just having 5 minutes before getting lunch ready. Enjoy your family meal. x

  67. Christine Says:

    Hi All,

    just checking in and seems like everyone is doing OK. I had a really good couple of weeks but have been a little bit low and edge the last week or so.

    Anyway I wanted to respond to Pete – I think he put a message on here a couple of days ago – I just wanted to say that that is exactly my problem. The intrusive thoughts – I’m getting on with everthing as normal and I am having good days but the thoughts always seem to be there! They’ve been back quite bad the last week too! I think a lot of us struggle with them and a lot of the time from posts etc I have read they can be one of the last things to go! You’re not alone – we just have to try and let them be! :) Easily said than done.

    Hope everyone is doing well…hopefully we’ll have some sunshine soon! :) xx

  68. Pete Says:

    Thanks so much for your reply Christine, yep Ive heard from variouse people it’s usually the last symptom, i feel terrible that other people have to go through it but then I’m comforted to know that it’s quite normal if that makes sense. I’ve only been suffering for about 6 months so I can’t even imagine how strong some of you long sufferers must be, its like I read some else’s troubles and start to feel them myself, haha. Anyway I’m rambling on stay strong everyone and look forward to hearing all your progress.

  69. mm16 Says:

    Jo , thats it isnt it ? Its not till we look back to how bad things were , we then realise improvements are happening . Yes i wouldnt mind paul as a neighbor , I am sure paul lives near me ( am i allowed to say that ? ) but i think he does .
    See jo , you went to town earlier today . These little changes really make a difference , it is all building up :-) We have to be consistent with it too , and be “blase” on them yacky days . xxx

  70. mm16 Says:

    Slowly slowly catchee monkey , nice little saying to sum up our recovery xx

  71. rooKim Says:

    hi guys! Its my first time to post here though i often go here fore about a year now when im having flare ups. Im leaps and bounds from where i was since the time i first stumbled upon Paul. My anxiety mainly is about my health, now almost about anything under the sun though i dont have social anxiety (good thing). I had just about every dreadful symptoms of anxiety and this is what i want to give emphasis with to others who are going crazy if it is anxiety related or it is a serious medical illness. And im certain that anxiety is defintely the culprit. For just in a span of a year i had these:
    -severe headache lasting for weeks
    -muscle twitching
    -pins and needles
    -stomach churning
    -dry eyes
    -muscle tension, specially in the neck
    -lump in the throat
    -zapping feelings
    -racing heart
    -profuse sweating
    -ringing in the ears
    -pain that resembles a toothache
    -numbing face
    -stabbing chest and back pains
    and many more not to mention the psychological ones. I drove me nuts and many times i want to end my life, i feel like i would be like this forever, why not end it right there? Then i found Paul and his lifesaving site. I felt that glimmer of hope. Right then i followed his advice and i now im i know im on my way to recovery. I stil have bad days, but somehow i got my life back. Most of the physical symptoms are GONE. Yes. Gone. Never thought they would be but they were as anxiety diminished. I won a pdf of Paul’s book via his twitter raffle which is a good thing coz i cant find a copy here, i live in the philippines. From the bottom of my heart, thank you Paul for helping us!

  72. Christine Says:

    You’re welcome Pete! I’m a bit like you in that I’ve been suffering for about 5 months! I know what you mean about how strong some are having to deal with this horrible thing for years! I’m so glad we’ve all found Paul’s book and the wonderful people on this blog!

    MM16 – you make me laugh! :) I’ll have to remember that one…slowly slowly catchee monkey!


  73. Doreen Says:

    Hi mm16

    I think you and I are near each other too. I live in Leeds. In Paul’s introductio to himself in the coffee lounge he says where he lives so not a secret.

  74. elena Says:

    Thank you mm16 and also thank you Jo for your kindest…I never wrote here…i don’t know why…but like you both said it’s a pretty good thing. I know it’s not fair to say that i am glad that there are so many of you who let’s say are a little bit more anxious:) but it’s good to know that you are not alone and good to know that this is not an end of an era. But also like someone here said: how can we make our mind not to think about how we feel today?
    I realised that when i am with friends, my housband or even today with my italian teacher i am ok…but when i am alone “bang” something hits me and i start to think about all kind of bad stuff. So no i don’t like being alone.
    But doing things and keeping me busy it realy helps!
    oh and another question…why are we shed our bad things and our bad feelings on the people we love? Why do we have the feeling that we are not good to be loved or that we can’t love anymore? Ok problaby because we fill unsecure and that’s why but still why on the people close to us…? Why not on strangers?
    Anyway you are all a good gang to say it this way…and let’s hope that in the near future we will all laugh about “now us”.

  75. mm16 Says:

    Hi doreen , yes i live in Huddersfield . oh im glad it isnt a secret .

    Was shopping in leeds on sunday and had a good time , i think i heard they are getting trams there , such a lovely city .
    I have been having a few positive days doreen , feels good .
    Hope you and your family are well . xx

  76. Doreen Says:

    mm16 – he actually said he lives in Yorkshire but I have read where his home town is.
    Am singing with Rock Choir in Huddersfield on Thursday night. We are going to have something to eat in the town before hand. Can you suggest anywhere?

  77. Jo Says:

    Michelle – I wasn’t too far from you, Doreen or Paul when we were in York then! Who knows maybe one day we will all be able to get together! x

  78. mm16 Says:

    Christine, ive some strange little sayings since dealing with this xx
    Glad you saw petes post , i missed it . My thoughts took a long , long time to go , still pop up now and then . Christine are you the lady who wrote on here before ? Have you been dealing with anxiety for 5 months or are you having a setback xx

  79. mm16 Says:

    Doreen , how lovely you are singing in my hometown . I should make you a meal but freddie krugger might be around !!
    Seriously i will ask my daughters where would be good to eat for you , i cannot help you …… just coming out of a three year hibernation :-) x

  80. Debbie Says:

    Hi all, I’m feeling slightly better today, went to weight watchers felt crappy but thought I want to be here if I leave I shall only feel the same at home so might as well feel crappy here, so I stayed till the end, plus I lost half a pound which was good seen as I’ve been on holiday.
    Going to do what Paul suggests and get on with doing things, my husband has joined the gym I belong to so we can go together and we are going to play squash as I’ve always wanted to have a go, I’m sure we will have a laugh which will be good, they have a lovely pool to, so I’m going to take time off from the blog for a bit and get on with ‘normal life’ with or without anxiety! x

  81. Jo Says:

    Hi Debbie, glad to hear you are feeling better and well done for sticking with weight watchers. squash is really hard work, so be careful. Is there ice skating near you, that’s good to do. x

  82. Steff Says:

    Having a better afternoon after a not so great morning, went for a walk with kids and then me and my daughter baked cakes this afternoon! Just got pins and needles in my hand and my thumb feels numb but just seeing it as anxiety and not googling every symptom! Hopefully it’ll pass x
    Well done Debbie glad you are feeling better today xx

  83. mm16 Says:

    Steff , glad you had a better afternoon . I had health anxiety bad and googled and googled . All it did was convince me i had some terrible disease .Here i am healthy three years on.
    Dont buy into “the trickster” xx

    Debbie , well done , hope you enjoy the gym with your husband , im sure you will :-)

  84. Vic Says:

    Hello everyone,

    It has been awhile since I have been on the blog as I have been doing fairly well and living my life. However, I had a concern over the past couple of days and of course my anxiety has been beating me up about it. My concern is whether I have OCD (without the compulsions) or is my anxiety just tricking me. I will explain….

    I have been suffering with what I think is obsessive thoughts for about 3 years now, but I am not sure if that is even what they are. I know I definitely have anxiety, as I tend to worry about things. However, these thoughts came after I started visiting the the blog and worried about getting obsessive thoughts since I saw this as a symptom (stupid I know). The thing is, when I get these thoughts they seem very weak and distant, as if I am creating them out of habit rather than coming from anxiety, I can make myself get the thoughts on my own if I try. The thoughts are mostly inappropriate sexual thoughts, but not about hurting anyone sexually or doing anything sexually. The thing is if you asked me right now to recall one thought I have gotten I CANNOT recall them because that is how weak they are. Can anyone explain this? Is this just my anxiety playing tricks on me, or is this like OCD? I do not have compulsions or habits to stop the thoughts. I feel like this is all actually my anxiety tricking me because I am so worried about OCD or having obsessive thoughts.

  85. Vic Says:

    Sorry forgot to add, I actually worry more about getting the thoughts in certain situations then actually getting the thoughts. For example ( Being very honest here), I have a 3 year old daughter who of course likes to sit on daddy’s lap. Sometimes I will worry about getting a thought, and what I feel happens is my mind starts searching and creates a “thought” which is why it is so weak in its nature. I am sure in this same situation I have gotten a thought but I cannot tell you with 100% certainty what that thought may have been.

  86. Michael K. Says:

    Thanks Paul for your post – I have your book and app. I have been working with Claire Weekes books for a couple of years and they have helped. Your book definitely adds a lot of just practical advice on top of her program. I just seem to be so stuck on the up and down point of this anxiety for the last two years (you said once you came out the understanding it took you two months). I never feel really good but I have decent periods then wake-up feeling just horrible, then it carries on for days or weeks. It is a constant up and down – sometimes the will to carry on the “normal” living becomes so weak to take another step is enormous. I still get up and try to get going but am – I have to admit it is frustrating. Your words are a comfort but sometimes in the midst of the thoughts, exhaustion, and panic it seems to all slip away – is that ok as long as we keep moving forward. I am a perfectionist and feel if I just do it right then it will work so I know I am giving my brain more strain trying to do it all right. I believe you recovered and tell myself so can I since you did.

  87. Elle Says:

    I’m new to the blog, but I have been reading most the post. Today I finally decided to post something. About a couple of weeks ago I over worked out my body at the gym and lost my breathe and almost passed out. I work out to help with my anxiety but since this scare at the gym I haven’t worked out since. My anxiety is at its worse. Driving home from the gym I was fine however the following day I had an anxiety attack while driving but I didn’t even realize it. I thought it had something to do with my health because of the gym scare. It’s been about a month and I haven’t gone out all summer for fear that I may stop breathing and actually pass out in public. I recently started driving around the neighborhood to get comfortable with driving again because I fear having another anxiety attack while driving. Im a teacher so I’m out for the summer but in a couple of weeks I have to go back to work and I’ll have 24 students to teach. I’m worried that my anxiety will interfere withb my job… Does anyone have advice? I have accepted my feeling but when it comes to public places my anxiety tends to creep out and effect me.

  88. christine Says:

    Hi MM16, yep it’s me the same Christine! Think I’m in a bit of a setback because of the thougts & I’ve just started to see a wellbeing practitioner after months of waiting so think that has brought it all to the forefront! Paul’s book & this blog have helped me the most, you’re all such kind people! How long have you suffered? Xx
    Vic, I’m sure you don’t have OCD it will be the anxiety playing its tricks! I often find myself searching for a thought! Sometimes I think that we’re so used to them being there that it feels weird when they’re not! Xx

  89. Steff Says:

    Thanks mm16 not feeling so great right now but just going with it, I mean what else can I do x

  90. Susie Says:

    Hi again,
    Just felt I should submit again as this blog seems so very helpful. Those of you on here are so supportive of each other and I just wanted to run my question past you all again as my last seems to have been lost above in all the other entries. My struggle is how to live along side anxiety and not keep looking and questioning how I feel. I find it hard being in shops a long way from the exit, in a queue or traffic the most. I hate standing still for any amount of time as I then keep checking into myself, figit alot and thinking I am going to collapse… does anyone else have this..? If I could just learn the trick to “accepting” how I feel and not making it a big deal I think I could start moving on from anxiety. Any tips any one…?

  91. Vic Says:


    I definitely agree with you. Like I said, in certain situations I just start searching for the thought I guess out of habit. I feel with OCD they are able to pinpoint exactly what their thoughts are, with me I am not able to. And for me, there seems to be a few that just come up regularly rather than getting new thoughts all the time. Again though, I cannot tell you exactly what these thoughts are! which makes me wonder what the heck is it? Is it just a habit created by my anxiety or is it anxiety. I know ultimately is does not matter, as I should just let it be there. I just think having a better idea of what is wrong would help me move on.

  92. mm16 Says:

    Susie , i am just going out but if you read last months blog (the last few posts ) i wrote about my terribly time at traffic lights . Queing in shops would make all the anxiety symptoms happen .
    I have had exactly the same feelings susie , i will post when i have some time .I am not recovered but dont get anxious in traffic , or can be deep in a shopping mall , without wondering if theres a exit near . All this took time and patients , but as long as we get there in the end :-) x

  93. Susie Says:


    Thanks so much for your repy. Wow, you don’t know how much it actually heps to hear from someone who has been exactly where I am right now! I believe my anxiety stems from a near panic attack out of the blue in a shop 18 months ago so now whenever I am in a similar situation I search to see if that feeling is still there…inevitably it then is as I have put my attention on it! I now take that feeling with me everywhere I go, even walking to collect my children from school or to work brings the same feelings/thoughts. I will certainly take a look back at the previous posts and thanks again for taking time out to reply to me, I hope we all get there in the end too!

  94. Elle Says:

    I understand how you feel about having a panic attack out of the blue, too. Like you I’ve avoided public situations and try to search for those feelings like linger, and like your feelings my feeling too still linger. I’m learning to just accept them but it takes effort. I keep telling myself “one day at a time”

  95. kelly Says:

    Hi all,

    Feeling really happy at the moment. Been to my sisters for a couple of hours tonight. Our cousin and a mutual friend of mine and my sisters was there. It was an amazing time – I haven’t laughed so much in ages. Literally could not stop talking (about normal things and not anxiety) and was just finding random things funny like I used to again and making jokes etc. At one point one of them said ‘And Kelly over there, god anyone would think she has been to see Michael McIntyre or something, she’s got laughititis’ and of course that cracked me up even more :-) I actually felt like me and felt alive. It was great :-)

  96. David Says:

    Hi, I have a long story but will try and keep it short. For many years I have suffered panic attacks and have hit rock bottom more than once, I recently found this blog and started reading the odd entry but am now starting from the beginning. I like many searched for the ‘magic cure’ but reading Pauls journey has taught me a lot – Thanks.
    trying to keep it short
    One of my biggest problems is time. I have to much of it. I have had to move back in with parents because of a knee injury and being unemployed. Sadly I have a very tight budget and can’t afford the book but think I have enough knowledge from the blogs to do the right thing – do nothing, accept and carry on. But because of moving back home I have no life, no money and a knee injury that keeps me limited in things I can do. My anxiety has taken a turn for the worst (before I found this site) and now have IBS caused by the anxiety which makes things a bit trickier as well as blurred vision (is just anxiety).
    I go to group therapy and therapist once a fortnight (which I can handle going to anxiety wise) but travel an 1 1/2 hours south fortnightly to see my girl friend which gives me the almighty panic attacks , going there I mean, seeing her is great. I haven’t been for a while because of the eyes and IBS. i am nervous as hell writing this but thats ok as it will pass.
    I guess my question is can I can’t afford to go down more often than fortnightly and as the IBS and blurred vision gets really bad when nervous can I be recovering while dealing with (accepting) the minor stuff at home? Has been mentioned to take baby steps sometimes, my problem is I have minor or major, no in between. I know the vision and IBS will cease once I gain more confidence but how can I gain this when my life is sitting behind a computer (doing web design now and then) and playing games on facebook?
    Sorry for the long post

  97. ginger797 Says:

    Susie ive been where you are and that was the worst part of the anxiety for me,i think what has helped me is to adopt the “who cares attitude and i know its hard and scarey but adrenalin cant hurt you it can make you scared but you already are so just stay in the “now” when the thorghts happen dont try to stop them focus on the now/ takes time and patients but you will get there…i also found like when id be in the car at the traffic lights (after reading other peoples post this made me scared of the traffic lights)but when id think “oh no what if im stuck or it happens here”id say to myself good come on then id love it to happen here it would be so funny if it did or laugh and say”as if it be stuck” this helped me but everytime id have a negative thought id say to positive to it and just go about the”now”…but again anxietys differnt for everyone but i hope it helps a bit….

  98. Mark R Says:

    Hi Paul

    This is a question for you really. I went for around 8 months feeling not too bad and not caring how I felt but then had a vicious setback in April. I’m still in it. Did you ever have s setback which lasted 3 months?

  99. Jo Says:

    Kelly -pleased to hear you are feeling so happy now. What a change in you, well done. x

  100. Jo Says:

    I’m having a really hard time this morning, very edgy, blurry vision, sick feeling and a bit frightened. Sorry for the negativity. It’s hard to believe that it is just nerves causing all this, and I just can’t seem to get the ‘so what’ attitude.
    Paul did you have the feeling of ‘not belonging’ to anything? I know this is my home and who Ben and James are but sometimes I feel totally disconnected to all of it. And did you feel frightened, but didn’t know what you were frightened of ? I know I have got to let all of these feelings just be but I don’t know how to do that. Everything seems to scare me. x

  101. Doreen Says:

    Hi Mark R – I am not sure why you need to work out whether you are in setback or not. It seems by reading a recent previous post from you that you had turned a corner and were now ‘feeling the fear and doing it anyway’. At what point does a setback become another episode of anxiety/depression? Surely trying to work that out just adds to stress and is it relevant? What matters is the stamina and determination you have demonstrated you are using to get through this whilst getting on with life.

  102. Teresa Says:

    Jo – you have been so strong and so much help to so many on here, you do not realise at them moment where the real ‘you’ is. It’s easy to say it’s anxiety that is causing all this but it is – our moods change naturally and sometimes the mood change triggers thought systems especially in well honed track ways of thinking. All these things will pass – and pass sooner if you agree to let them be, you have been so patient – but give yourself a little more time it will pass – all of it, it is all anxiety. I have been clear visioned for weeks and have suddenly become fearful of aches and pains again, it has all come from a bit of a stress full period which has thrown me of course – i cannot believe how one minute I was so blase about anything i felt and now I feel in a vortex of it all again – but I tell myself not to try and ‘be’ anything, just be like ginger says – be now, and know that it gets better. I know how hard it is – my anxiety focuses on health issues but i have had the same symptoms as you in the past too. They did pass. Including fear of everything and nothing – its fear.
    I hope I have not been too negative – but please feel reassured things get better.

  103. Jo Says:

    Hi Theresa – thank you for your reply. Sometimes it all seems to get on top of me and I start fearing that I am going to have to go back to the anti depressants, which really scares me. Also I have had some stomach pain the last few days and with the weight loss I started worrying about cancer! I know I shouldn’t have got on the scales this morning!
    I also find it hard that I seem to feel afraid even in my own home. You are right it is like being in a vortex. Thank you for your reassurance. x

  104. Debbie Says:

    Jo, you sound like me at the moment, I don’t get how anyone can do the so what attitude when you feel so bad. I said to myself this morning ok it’s going to be like that today is it? but I’m carrying on the best I can with normal chores etc, which is hard to do when everything is blurry and you wish someone would just shoot you dead!
    BUT we have been here before haven’t we? We do have good days and whatever we get thrown at us we survive so we just have to keep plodding on and hopefully it will get easier, today I’m doing the washing, hoovering, popping round the church to clean that, cook the dinner, take Ruby for a walk all feeling lousy but I will have done it where all I really want to do is sit on the settee and cry and try and work out why I’m like this and how to get rid of it like I’ve done hundreds of times and I’m still like it so it doesn’t help one bit, so weighing up between doing that or doing the chores I might as well do the chores at least I might lose a couple of pound! x

  105. Doreen Says:

    Well said Debbie.

  106. mm16 Says:

    We are all struggling today , sick and tired of pushing positive attitude on myself , when this “thing ” doesnt allow you to be . My horrible ex boss once said , you will never be the same , you will just learn to manage it .Think im beleiving it today , what a daily struggle .
    Hop everyone feels better later .And jo im the same , scared all the time , how carnt this get us down . Sorry so negative xx

  107. Mark R Says:

    Hi Doreen

    I guess you are right. I woke up this morning just hoping it would all go away soon and I would be me again.

  108. mm16 Says:

    I love when i can come on here and be positive .Just feel like sreaming for help today . Hard to belive the fear and negativity can be so strong .
    How on earth did paul and others recover . xx

  109. Jo Says:

    Come on girls, and boys, we can get past this! Read Paul’s posts to me further up the page, he knows what he’s talking about. No it’s not easy, in fact it’s damned nigh impossible some days, but here we are, still alive and kicking :) I have been resting a bit and now feel a little better, and have had a sandwich. Stop battling and accept that ok you feel crap today (listen whose talking) but it’s alright to feel that way. Debbie has got the right attitude, she’s doing it anyway, good on you Debbie. xx

  110. mm16 Says:

    Jo , ok im going to stop the battle…… utter utter acceptence . Yes it hasnt made us topple over . Head up and off dog walking .
    Glad you are feeling better jo and sorry for the moaning minnie attitude .xxx

  111. Katie Says:

    I posted on here a few months back as I was worried about my holiday, I went on holiday and even though i felt anxious at times it was amazing and my boyfriend even proposed, best holiday ever, but when we got home it was like a smack in the face of feeling down and more anxious, I was panicking about going places again but knew not to avoid it because I didn’t want to go back to how bad I was at the start.
    I’ve been doing well these past few weeks it’s just the odd feelings still hanging around, like I’m not avoiding places and I’m keeping busy, but it’s when I’m sat watching TV or on the computer I feel like I’m moving, it’s so strange like I’m on a boat. Does anyone else have this?
    I keep getting headaches again and my ears feel plugged but trying to ignore it like its just a symptom, not to worry about it but my mind keeps slipping into worrying and over thinking things, its so annoying coz I’ll be like happily thinking about things i used to think about and then I’ll think woah i wasn’t thinking about anxiety then for like 10 mins then I’ll start thinking bout how i feel again. Bloody stupid cycle. I know with time this will stop but I’m just getting quite annoyed and impatient.
    Sometimes I’ll get like a rush of fear and feel like I’m on the edge of totally losing the plot, like going crazy, feels horrible, then I’ll feel down about it for the next few hours.
    Anyway going camping on the weekend and can’t wait, taking our telescope, be so good to get away, taking our bikes too , so excited.
    Feels good to get that off my chest.
    Thanks for anyone who reads this, be good to hear from any of you :)
    Katie xx

  112. Joe P Says:

    Hello Paul and everyone on the blog, I really loved this post. I have never actually sat down and listed all my anxious habits, as i’ve had the attitude of just putting all the thoughts, uncomfortable feelings in a anxiety rubbish box in my head and not reacting to them. However, recently my anxiety has been a lot worse, making my head like a sieve unable to store things or think clearly, so sometime this week I will sit down and do the list, even though it feels very hard to remember what i felt and was like before anxiety, but i will do my best! I want to do this because recently I have noticed i have a bad habit of going over certain symptoms In my head, trying to fix or understand them better, without actually finding a resolution to them. So having a list of all of them will stop be from ruminating over them all in my head. I think this will really help, i don’t like thinking too much about my anxiety but if i didn’t do the list, in a way it would be running away from my anxious habits.

    Also I want to ask how can i reverse over thinking about things, its like sometimes i will be watching something on tv and I’m thinking so much about the program it feels like a reviewing it in my head. It happens with all sorts of things and also i tend to over think decisions and lots of things in general. I never used to do this before my anxiety whats the best way to break this habit. I remember Paul said on the blog that if are worried about thinking too much just let yourself think too much. Is this the attitude to adopt with my particular habit.

    Also my memory has been bad for the past year, but in the past few months its got a lot worse it feels like i can’t remember what happened last week, last year and years ago. And it takes me ages to try to remembers things, I have to slowly go through step by step in my head, what happened in an event to remember, but a lot of the time i have no memory of particular things, like blackouts. Its really horrible as it feels like I’m losing who I am, especially when i find it hard to remember past things.
    Is this a result of my tired and over worked mind?

    A reply would be much appreciated.

    Joe P x

  113. Jo Says:

    Michelle, don’t ever, ever apologise for having a moan. It gets things off your chest and puts things into perspective. I do enough moaning anyway. We just got wet doing the walk and now we’re back it’s sunny! x

  114. Jo Says:

    Joe P. My memory is bad too but I try not to stress over it, sometimes I can’t even think what day it is. I have a habit of running through names of people I know to see if I can remember them, and how to spell their names :) After all, we can’t be expected to remember every detail of our lives! I have most difficulty with not being able to remember much of my childhood, but then I’m nearly 60, so is that surprising, and does it really matter. It’s now that matters, what you do today, to make your life worth living. As long as you have today it doesn’t matter if you’ve forgotten it tomorrow. You are not losing who you are, you are the same person you have always been, but your life is constantly changing.

  115. Jo Says:

    Katie, I get the rush of fear sometimes and yes it is horrible. The worst feeling, but it passes doesn’t it? Just accept it and let it be there and it will get less and less as you become less afraid of it. Keep looking forward to your holiday and have a great time. Sounds like fun.

  116. Jo Says:

    Oh yes, get over to the coffee lounge people and tell us about yourselves. No anxiety allowed over there :)

  117. mm16 Says:

    Joe , This sums me up to a tea .The memory is bad , and also hard to remember things , present and past . I have no doubt this is a result of a very tired mind , and as you say over worked. Our poor minds are studying all the time . I find it helps as usual if i dont add fear to feeling this way .
    I am sure as time goes on and anxious feeling lesson , our memories will return to their normal state .
    Claire weekes talks of this , and says if you carnt remember , find the funny side to it . We use to forget things before joe , but did not analize it .
    I seem to say yes ive experienced this to most peoples posts , but it really is “Yes ” i have .
    Try to accept our memories are a bit slow at the moment , and with time and patients we will have a more rested mind , and get over this particular symptom . Enjoy your weekend joe x

  118. mm16 Says:

    The fog has lifted a bit , feeling more positive . patients and more patients are needed by me x

  119. mm16 Says:

    Christine , yes i thought it was you :-) Sorry you are going through “a setback” Hope its the one that leads to full recovery xx
    I have had anxiety for 3 years , started with a panic attack , but improvements are happening albeit slowly christine xx

  120. kelly Says:

    Hi all,

    Sorry some of you have had a rough morning. A few hours does make a difference though as you all seem more positive now.

    Joe – I will write a reply to your comment in a little bit as just about to go out again.

    Going to go down the library and see if I can borrow a pc to look up applying for the uni course as I tried to apply on my phone and it didn’t work. Hard work using the internet on this sometimes :-)

  121. mm16 Says:

    Susie , how you doing ?
    I promise you these feelings you are having will settle down . I could not go shopping , hairdressers anywere where i would “feel trapped ”
    The first time i really faced the feelings was a trip to the cinema .
    Wow did i build it up with plans before i went . Where i was sitting , how i would escape if the feelings got too bad ect ect .
    I sat in the middle , no more seats at the edge , the feelings came on a little , i let them be , faced them , goated them to be worse, puff they were gone :-)
    The method is simple , but not easy to do , but you can do it . I did this on each occasion , where i knew i would feel really anxious , as far as panic is concerned facing it , it just gets easier.
    The confidence of doing these things builds up slowly . Last week i was at the sales , very busy and queing up in long lines of ques , did not feel at all anxious .
    Just try dropping your shoulders , and get a feeling of relaxatoin and let the silly feelings come , takes a little practice , but you will find your own little way to do it susie .
    I still get the fear feelings on days when i am tired , but no where near how they were . I kept putting myself in situations that would bring them feelings on and stayed , even if that negative voice was saying “you need to go ” .
    It works , be kind to yourself , dig deep for your courage , them feelings your having will go , maybe take a little time and repeated “doing” but you will get there. xx

  122. mm16 Says:

    Kelly , wise words from you “a few hours make a difference ” I stayed in bed this morning , and the low mood appeared. Feeling better now though .
    so whats this about ? I now have to get up with the cockrel every morning to feel positive .
    You are doing amazing kelly xx

  123. Kelly Says:

    MM16 – I used to find when i stayed in bed i would end up in a really low mood too, mainly because your more inclined to end up dwelling on things i think. I avoid staying in bed at all now no matter how tired i still am when i wake up.

    Glad you are feeling better now. I remember reading in the Claire Weeks book about getting up and out of bed as soon as you rise being a very good option.

    I will be online for a bit now as at the library and just going to do some research on the uni stuff and then ill reply to Joe also xx

  124. mm16 Says:

    Jo , thank you for letting me “moan” Yes it sure helps to get it off my chest.

  125. kelly Says:


  126. kelly Says:

    oops sorry about the hmmm my messages were not sending and i thought there was a problem with the site at the libary so wanted to put a short message rather than a long one to make sure it would send :)

  127. mm16 Says:

    HAHA kelly , hmmmm , thats what i think about myself xx

  128. kelly Says:

    Joe P – The method Paul suggested in regards to the overthinking and worrying is quite right. You simply have to let yourself overthink and let it over worry about things and in time it will settle. The more you try to stop thinking about things the more you will end up thinking about them because you are fighting and trying to stop the thoughts. A good example of this is saying to someone ‘whatever you do don’t think about a pink elephant’, that person would automatically then think about the elephant. It’s the same concept with this. You just have to let your mind think what it wants to for now and not be too impressed by it or scared by it. Anxiety sufferers’ minds will wander about all sorts of things but the more you don’t react the more it will settle down and the more peace you will eventually get from it. A good trick is to just fully focus on the present moment and what is going on around you. It may be hard at first and it may take some practise but you will get there in the end.

    In regards to the memory issue, i would agree that this is a result of an overtired and overworked mind. It is normal under the circumstances, we are so used to being so focused how we are feeling and constantly checking in to see if this symptom or that symptom is still there, always worrying about whether this will ever go away, always trying to think of some miracle way out of this etc. The mind is not getting a break, it is not taking anything else in because everything is so inward. You may think about doing something and then 10 minutes later forgetting what you were going to do but this is fine and your mind will become clear and focused and your memory sharp again when the anxiety settles down.

    My memory has been a bit like yours not being able to remember what happened yesterday sometimes but gradually it does improve. I remember thinking of memories and feeling like they were not even my memories because i felt so disconnected from myself.

    Your body is just overworked. It is only designed to take a certain amount of worry and when it gets overloaded it slows the mind and body down in a sense because it can’t take all the stress. I promise you things will improve in time, just need a little patience and you will get there. Allow yourself to feel however you feel, allow your memory to be all over the place at the moment, don’t question any of it – your mind and body are just taking a ‘vacation’ to deal with all the stress, anxiety and worry it is currently under. You will not lose your mind or go mad and the true you will resurface in time.

    All the best :)

  129. kelly Says:

    MM16 – I didn’t think it was going to post and when it did i was like ‘uh oh’, now i’m going to have to explain that one haha :)

  130. Susie Says:

    Ginger797 & mm16,
    Hi, and thank you both for your comments. Having tried working this out for myself for so long, finding the books by Claire Weeks and Paul bought me to this blog. The things you have both said really really help. I love the attitude you both have had to the queue/car/shop/etc situations – it has given me a real push to keep going forward reading what you have said. I can’t yet imagine not choosing seats near the exit or shops outside the shopping centre but I feel ready to put myself into some situations I have been avoiding for absolutely ages! Thank god for the internet else I would have never got any shopping done!! Just posting on here and getting other peoples thoughts and advice back has actually lifted alot of the weight off my shoulders and I thank you for that. I went to a couple of local shops today and despite the inital “brewing in my belly”, it didn’t come to anything, perhaps my mind is starting to relax..?
    I see from everyones posts how things carry on up and down and I hope you both continue to draw strength from others here and from yourselves! The advice and tips you have given in response to my situation are massively helpful, for everyone here to be going through this and yet able to help people you don’t know is amazing!!

  131. Susie Says:

    Ginger797 & mm16,
    Hi, and thank you both for your comments. Having tried working this out for myself for so long, finding the books by Claire Weeks and Paul bought me to this blog. The things you have both said really really help. I love the attitude you both have had to the queue/car/shop/etc situations – it has given me a real push to keep going forward reading what you have said. I can’t yet imagine not choosing seats near the exit or shops outside the shopping centre but I feel ready to put myself into some situations I have been avoiding for absolutely ages! Thank god for the internet else I would have never got any shopping done!! Just posting on here and getting other peoples thoughts and advice back has actually lifted alot of the weight off my shoulders and I thank you for that. I went to a couple of local shops today and despite the inital “brewing in my belly”, it didn’t come to anything, perhaps my mind is starting to relax..?
    I see from everyones posts how things carry on up and down and I hope you both continue to draw strength from others here and from yourselves! The advice and tips you have given in response to my situation are really useful, for everyone here to be going through this and yet able to help people you don’t know is amazing!!

  132. Susie Says:

    Sorry! Not sure how I managed to post the above twice!!!!

  133. mm16 Says:

    Susie , glad to help .I thought no one was as bad as me with it all .Just to add , dont worry if you have to do these things in small steps , and on somedays are better at “facing it ” than others . Thats all part of it .
    Good for you going to the shops today , and having the feelings but continuing .
    I am going to my daughters for my hair done tonight (she is a hairdresser ) Once had to leave the shop half way through .Now i can sit there quiete content.
    All takes a bit of time , and some “get it” quicker than others .
    Last sunday shopping was my best day ever , i was confident and so calm .
    Good look susie and post whenever you like. xxx

  134. mm16 Says:

    Good luck i meant , spelling checks before my posts :-) xx

  135. Jeff Says:

    Great post Paul. I have had a long period of feeling very good, but I have been experiencing symptoms again. It’s very hard for me to admit this. Hard to admit it even to myself, but there is no denying it. For a while I thought it might be something else, but that is a trap in which I know better than to get caught. This post was an excellent reminder to me that I can carry it with me and not let it get the best of me. I have found myself thinking all of the things you listed, and more. I have never stopped doing any of the things I like to do, but I have allowed anxiety to make me like them less and less. I thought that maybe I was becoming a different person with different preferences, but I can see now that I have just been looking for an excuse to avoid things because it is hard to enjoy them with anxiety. I will try and do as you advise, as it worked for me before, but it is hard. I see the right in it, though, and will try.

    Ugh, this crap sucks.

  136. Susie Says:

    Thank you.. Am hoping I am starting to “get it” slowly, I guess time and patience is the key. I think the worst thing is seeing other people going about their own business and thinking why can’t I do that like I used too..? Finding myself planning how to go somewhere or do something that I would have done without a second thought before is very hard. However, I am determined to succeed and have felt much more positive the last couple of days. Having struggled to put the practices in Pauls book into action so far, it has been a massive help to read how others have done it….makes it much more acheivable. Will see how things continue and will keep reading this blog for inspiration! xx

  137. Mark R Says:

    Hi Jeff

    Sorry to hear it’s affecting you again. Just remember what got you better before, you gave me some great advice in previous posts. It does suck I know, I went for a long time feeling okay so I know how you feel


  138. Jeff Says:

    Thanks Mark R. That helps. I was so patient with my recovery and so glad to finally be out of the anxiety cycle that I have been really hard on myself for feeling it again. I’ve been fighting against it when I know it’s the wrong thing to do. One aspect of it that particularly sucks which some of you may be able to relate to is that, once you’ve been “in the clear” and all the people around you and close to you know it and see it, then the setback seems inexplicable to them. I’ve already talked this through with all my friends before and they helped me through it the first time. How can I put them through that again? I worry they might think I’m nuts, which would probably just make me feel more nuts, so I’ve kept it to myself even though I know they are aware that something is off with me. I have been acting strangely due to discomfort. I’m going to try and dial my approach back to the beginning when I actually implemented Paul’s advice rather than just denying the symptoms and fooling myself; I’ll just try and carry it with me rather than focusing on containment. Thanks again Mark, best to you. I don’t think anyone can do this without some support.

  139. Mark R Says:

    Hi Jeff,

    I think if you scan over my previous posts you can see how hard I took this setback. I was like in touching distance of myself and almost in the clear when it happened. My advice is not worry about what your friends think, just tell them. Don’t worry about about putting them through anything, thats what they are there for. I’m probably the ‘blokiest’ of blokes but I didn’t care about opening up on front of anyone. I even stood there in floods of tears in the chemists waiting for my prescription.

    Im by no means out of the woods but an absolute no is to work out why it came back and wallow. An absolute yes is admit that setbacks happen and stick to your daily routine. Claire Weekes covers setbacks really well.

  140. Mark R Says:

    Hi Jeff,

    I think if you scan over my previous posts you can see how hard I took this setback. I was like in touching distance of myself and almost in the clear when it happened. My advice is not worry about what your friends think, just tell them. Don’t worry about about putting them through anything, thats what they are there for. I’m probably the ‘blokiest’ of blokes but I didn’t care about opening up on front of anyone. I even stood there in floods of tears in the chemists waiting for my prescription.

    Im by no means out of the woods but I’ll tell you what helped me turn a corner. an absolute no is to work out why it came back and wallow. An absolute yes is admit that setbacks happen and stick to your daily routine. Claire Weekes covers setbacks really well so if you can read that. I also found Helen’s advice brilliant on here so view that I you can as well.

  141. David Says:

    Hi, my intro post is still in moderation but thought I’d add something. In my intro I noted that I didn’t have a full range of anxiety, it made a liar of me. Since finding this website I have let my guard down so as to not fight and all hell has broken loose. I’m having a real hard time with ignoring the anxiety as we all do but this morning I did something that worked but I seek assurance it’s not a bad thing to do.
    I was in bed (I know you should get up asap but was cold) and kept getting niggles, I tried the ‘so what’ but didn’t really do much so thought; Anxiety is not a monster although we think it is, anxiety is just our over active senses, I know the monster idea is deep so I closed my eyes and invited the symptoms but gave them an image, I thought of each sensation as a young me (around 6-10 yr old) wearing adult monster suit, for some reason i saw them in a forest, but saw them peeking out of trees and rocks so I invited them out into the open and being a kid in adults clothes it was kind of cute. one sensation was stronger than another so I see that one trip on the clothes so I helped it up.
    This worked although they kept coming back I kept inviting them and added more, like the cutest one saying rarr (imagine a kitten trying to be scary). When all the nerves settled I admit I went looking for them, would this be obsessing? It got me thinking though, if this method works (not sure how long it can work until the brain tires of it) maybe I cold use it throughout, i.e. allow the cute monsters to grow with me, like a setback as a pre teen tantrum and later on a teen tantrum … and then one day when I’m cured can think of them leaving home.
    Would this idea/method be on the right track?

  142. DCYL Says:

    Paul – I may not have noted that I have a static IP address at home. If you need it, let me know. I test posted a few hours ago but it did not appear. I am on my phone and coming from a different IP

  143. Jess Says:

    Hello all,

    I have had anxiety, mainly health anxiety for two years now. It is very hard to try and keep sane and actually convince myself that I dont have cancer, that i wont drop from a heart attach and all it is its just anxiety and panic. Even when I dont have any pains I am still scared that the pain will come and something will happen. I dont know if anybody can relate to this.
    Sometimes I just wish I was normal, I wish I was who I used to be 2 years ago… active, full of life, willing to go and do anything.
    All the posts in this blog are of great comfort, sometimes all i need to feel better is just someone to hold me or just tell me that everything will be okay that its just anxiety.
    I relate with so many of you so strongly. I hope we can all find the strength to go forward and to find happiness in our lives.

  144. FITZ Says:

    I have visited this site over the last few months as I have been suffering anxiety on and off for about 18 months : am now really struggling with the extreme nervousness and exhaustion which can be debilitating at times but have had some good days in the last few weeks. I’m currently working but am finding every little task, no matter how small, a huge effort and I just keep worrying about everything all day.
    I am on medication but not sure if this is helping although I’ve only been on my current dose for about 3 weeks and know that it can take longer.
    Any advice

  145. Doreen Says:

    I want to query what is meant by ‘completely cured’. Does it mean never suffering from anxiety again, or does it mean accepting the presence of anxiety from time to time but getting on with life as if it were not present? I think the notion of compete cure add an extra pressure for some people and they may well be looking over their shoulders to see if ‘it’ has really gone away. Also I would like to suggest that if life throws anxiety provoking events at somebody which they may well cope with, it can still leave them more vulnerable to GAD. I certainly know that is the case with me. And there is no gurantee that life will not be stressful in the future so I prefer to accept that this may happen again and I not give myself a hard time for it.

  146. Jo Says:

    Doreen – I tend to think that there is no complete cure. How can you forget these horrible feelings and not expect to have them again when some other traumatic event happens. I even think I am afraid to feel ‘normal’ again, because I don’t want to go through all this again next time, if you see what I mean. x

  147. Steff Says:

    I’m so tired today, just woke up from a nap with my baby and could have stayed there all day! Wish my brain would give me a break it’s all so exhausting!

  148. Charlotte Says:

    Jelly legs after 20 minutes of gardening today….. not impressed lol x

  149. Jo Says:

    What are we like eh :) I’m tired just doing the dog walk, but Claire Weeks says we are being bluffed by anxiety, or something like that! x

  150. Charlotte Says:

    I know Jo it’s totally ridiculous. I’m 26 but feel 80, my muscles feel so weak. Same thing happened when I cleaned the car out the other day, my legs and arms started shaking. I have read Claire Weeks book too, and she said we just must carry on, our muscles aren’t actually weak at all but it’s so hard when you feel like they’re going to give way :s x

  151. Jo Says:

    Hi Charlotte, it’s the anxiety or adrenaline isn’t it ?, making our muscles work harder and so they get tired quicker. We can only do what we can do, and not beat ourselves up about it. I think we have to have the same ‘let it be’ attitude to the physical symptoms as well as the mental ones. easier said than done of course. x

  152. Steff Says:

    Just lost in my brain today! Lots of scary thoughts about me dying and leaving kids behind, horrible horrible horrible!

  153. Jo Says:

    Again Steff, it’s anxiety playing tricks on you . I don’t know if you saw my post from some time back, when I was having scary thoughts about my Mum’s death. I kept thinking she was lonely and afraid in death and wanted me to join her. I was so afraid of the thoughts that I kept trying to push them out of my mind, but then I decided to give the ‘let the thoughts be’ attitude and just let them play out to the logical conclusion which was of course that my Mum would never want that. I haven’t had them since. Not sure if it could help you to try that. x

  154. mm16 Says:

    Doreen , complete cure for me would be to feel anxious when i should do not when i shouldnt xx

  155. Jo Says:

    Definitely Michelle x

  156. mm16 Says:

    I definetly dont look for “complete cure ” because to be honest i have been in this cycle that long i cannot remember how i was before . All im wanting is to feel a little better ,like we do when a good day happens for us .
    Just less fearfull and not to ache as much with exhaustion . xx

  157. Jo Says:

    Me too Michelle. I’m not sure I know what normal is anymore. I would like to be free of the fear of going anywhere and doing anything. I know we are supposed to go and do anyway, but it would be so much more enjoyable to feel good whilst doing it :)

  158. mm16 Says:

    Charlotte , just read your post i have noticed my neck and shoulders are not stiff and aching as much thats definetly improved ,Its just the legs that feel so tired and weak . Jo is right all we can do is apply the same attitude with this . xx

  159. Doreen Says:

    Michelle – leaving you a message on coffee lounge

  160. Joe P Says:

    Hello Jo, mm16 and Kelly for your replies, especially Kelly yours was pretty amazing :), its incredible how much this blog has grown over the last year, so many amazing, caring people on here giving great advice and comfort to people in need!!!,
    jo, i love what you said here “As long as you have today it doesn’t matter if you’ve forgotten it tomorrow”, this is so true, and through my journey of recovery, I’am learning how many people lead lives that are conditioned by fear! all sorts of fears, and one thing i aspire to do for the rest of my life is always try to not let fear stop from doing anything i want to do. Because one of the major differences between people who lead extraordinary lives and normal people is how they react to fear.

    MM16, I do try to see the funny side of my anxiety especially my anxious thoughts, its turned into a bit of habit of mine where i seem smile whenever i have one. As paul said laugh at them and that really helps take the edge of them. And i will defiantly start seeing the funny side of this memory sympton to help ease it.

    Kelly- thanks for such a detailed reply, as soon as i read your post, something clicked. Here it is, before we were anxious we had a natural flow of thoughts, and if we thought anything particularly weird, we would just dismiss as it our over active imagination and move on, but being anxious i seem to stop, worry about that thought and then contribute it to my anxiety and starting feeling sorry for myself wondering why I’am still thinking such weird things. The only difference between me and old joe, is i have become more of deep thinker, worrier and more sensitive, all bad habits which have sustained my anxious state. So now that i understand this its allows me to take all my anxious thoughts less seriously and live in the present which in time i know will reap rewards bit by bit. And thanks for the great advice about the memory problem, i know it will pass in the future! just a little bit frustrating as it been around for soo long, it’s obviously because i haven’t been giving my mind and body a proper break like you said it needs, for it to heal.

    Also I’m feeling much better today, maybe because i rode the wave of anxiety yesterday without fear and tension and today my body and mind are rewarding me with a more gentle mind and more energy.

    Thanks so much you three, its helps sooo much to get advice. I cannot wait to be in a position in the future where I’m nearly recovered, so i can help others by giving lots of great advice on here, this life changing website!

    Joe P X

  161. Jo Says:

    Hi Joe P, don’t wait till you are recovered to offer help and advice. I’m not recovered by a long way, but we all learn things as we go along. Now go over to the Coffee lounge and tell us a bit about yourself. a great way to get to know each other. Sorry if you’ve been there and I’ve missed you.

    Paul, I’m pushing the Coffee Lounge :)

  162. Doreen Says:

    Hi Jo – I do understand what you mean about ‘enjoyable’. I have a huge capacity for enjoyment when well and realised that I had made that my bench mark. My bottom line now is ‘go anyway’ and without the pressure for it be be ‘wow’, I have often enjoyed myself more than I thought I would and have sometimes even reached ‘wow’ again. But if I seek the feelings that i want to have then I just get very anxious that they are not there. Silly old things aren’t we? I know my husband does have this inner dialogue going on – he has no idea that we sometimes have a companion called ‘anxiety’ when we are out with whom I am ‘chatting’.

  163. Doreen Says:

    I mean my husband does NOT have an inner dialogue going on.

  164. Michelle Says:

    Its me MM16 , better posting with my name xx

  165. Michelle Says:

    Jo , we are having a better day today arnt we ? Oh yesterday was one of the worst ive ever had . Funny thing isnt it xx

  166. kelly Says:

    Joe P – So glad my reply was helpful to you. If you need any further help or advice id be more than happy to help :-) You seem to really understand though and I think that is a big step in recovery. I’ll try and write a better reply when I am on a computer next as its a pain on my phone lol

    Hope the rest of you are well. Been a busy day for me been hectic since I got up at 8am. Been to Theos party at playgroup for the breakup for summer been food shopping and on way home and got to have food, dye my hair and get ready for a couple of drinks at the local with a friend. Rush rush rush lol xx

  167. Jo Says:

    Hi Michelle, yes a better day today. I think it must be the weather you know :)
    Been out with the dogs,missed the rain, and got my feet up now. Was going to watch the art programme but it’s a repeat. x

  168. Jo Says:

    Kelly, you are like a whirlwind :) So pleased you are getting on so well. x

  169. kelly Says:

    Jo I know no wonder I am so tired sometimes 😀 I’ll be half asleep before I go out haha :-) really looking forward to it though xx

  170. Michael K. Says:

    What is the coffee lounge?

    I feel so exhausted that I can barely move or so I think – I am having the it has to be more anxiety today – that I am crazy and all that goes with that. Still working and trying to carry on but does anyone feel that always trying to live normal just becomes too much? Maybe I don’t understand the part of trying to live “normal” – maybe I am fighting with clenched teeth instead of living “normal”. Of course a perfectionist has to get it just right.

  171. Mark R Says:


    Every single person the planet has an internal dialogue going on, its just that ours is louder. If he says he hasn’t, then what’s just told him he hasnt? His internal dialogue

  172. Debbie Says:

    Feeling worried as having some symptoms I had when really bad five years ago, weird random thoughts they just pop in my head then I feel anxious, things like I bet Karen ( my friend) wouldnt like my boring life, then it stays in my mind and won’t budge, I don’t normally think things like that, it happens when im actually doing something not even connected to it, I get a wave of anxiety also I feel away with the fairies which frightens me so again makes me anxious, my minds going over and over things, I haven’t had this for a long time, it’s horrible, I don’t know why? Does anyone else have this?
    I’ve had a busy day tho I’ve looked after my two yr old grand daughter Olivia, we went to the park, made cakes, went to the library and fed the ducks at the pond, so I haven’t been flopping and ruminating!

  173. Doreen Says:

    Mark R – he doesn’t say he hasn’t. Of course he is thinking and working stuff out – it’s just that he is focussing on external matters whereas when I am feeling rough I am constantly watching myself and thinking about how i feel

  174. sam danzig Says:

    Hi everyone,

    Just wanted to put up a post to say that I am really starting to improve after about 10 years of anxiety and confusion. I can see that before in trying to get better I was stuck between two extreme approaches. The first was to ‘relax and do nothing’ and wait for it to pass. This never worked because things in life kept coming and I had to deal with them somehow. Also I would feel bored and restless and want to do stuff. The second approach was to ‘get up and go for it’, somehow imagining myself moving on, getting it together and letting go of anxiety, living my life non-stop until I felt ok. Suffice it to say, although this approach I feel is encouraged by films, general advice and sometimes even cbt etc. it just was unsustainable. It is impossible to be really stimulated all day, and I would worry that activities I was doing weren’t good enough. And in general I just felt really stressed. The problem is that with anxiety you feel out of touch with things, really lost etc. But I have found that If I don’t push myself all the time but just make sure I have an activity, even if it is dead simple, lined up, then I start to get some momentum without even trying, and find that I am actually living a normal life, and start to feel better. Where I have used the ‘activities’ approach before it has been too much focused on distraction, letting go, and moving on, but it is not that I am totally stopping thinking about anxiety, it is just that I’m, in addition to all the darkness, concern and confusion, starting to do some activities too. I had loads of tension before where I felt I should be constantly going out of my comfort zone, phoning up people who I wouldn’t normally chat to etc. to ask them for coffee, but I really don’t think it helped- it was too intense, and not ‘normal’. I also wanted to be liberated from all my problems and just go and do all the fun stuff I have always wanted to, being free etc. But it is also unsustainable. I just need to accept that life is a bit confusing and crap right now! The thing is that we can’t stop ourselves worrying about anxiety, and thinking all the negative thoughts which we are trying to solve (like ‘my life is over’- ‘how will I ever get my life back together?’- btw, you don’t have to get your life back together. if we just start doing some things , this happens by itself), but we can take a step in the direction of also doing some normal things too. And I really believe that healing comes by itself. I can also see that a lot of the things that stressed me out simply aren’t there any more, just because my life isn’t just me on my own going around in my own head so much any more. I also accept that it can be hard to do basic things, like cooking etc., so I don’t beat myself up for finding anything difficult of more laborious than it should be. I think it is basically impossible to live a normal life of doing things, whilst staying totally in your own head, and that is why slowly and gently, you start making the transition from darkness to okness. And those moments where you do find yourself on your own with nothng to do (like early in the morning, still in bed), know that the confusion will pass as you get on with things a bit more.


  175. Michelle Z Says:

    Jo – how do we find the coffee shop?

  176. Jo Says:

    Hi Michelle Z. Go to the home page and click on My blog, then scroll right down to the bottom of the page and you will find the coffee lounge. Click on comments and there you are! x

  177. Jo Says:

    Debbie, those random weird thoughts are very scary, but they are just thoughts generated by your over tired mind. I get them sometimes and the wave of fear that goes with them. Your boring life? You do a lot more than I do. Look at the cakes you make, and your little treasures. You get out and about living your life, doing what you have to. That’s all any of us do. I think you are maybe trying too hard to feel normal, to be well again. You are maybe thinking there is a life better than the one you have? I find myself doing that sometimes and it makes me feel worse. I know this is not much help to you,but just wanted to reply. Hope someone else can give you better advice. xx

  178. Steff Says:

    Feeling scared & horrible! It’s so hard to keep strong all the time when something can make you feel so bad! Went and have 2 drinks with my Hubbie last night, got in felt sick, started focusing on that “oh no I feel sick, why do I feel sick”…am supposed to be going out with the girls this evening already I’m dreading it! Feel sick, nervous & fed up! Sorry for the negative post :(

  179. Michelle M Says:


    Thanks for your reply the other day. Only just seen it.

    I too feel like you today and wonder how long I can go on like this. I do believe that I now have harm OCD, which is hard to accept. I just want to be the old me, whoever that was as I cannot remember now. All I know is that I was so care free and didnt worry about spending a night alone with my children incase i “flipped”. How ridiculous am I?

    I was just talking to a patient and he said to me “I wish I could give you my bad back”. I felt like saying “only if youll take my obsessive thoughts in return”. Obviously I couldnt but the wish was there.

    I dont know if it really is ocd as I dont have the intrusive thoughts all of the time. I dont know if its anxiety playing its tricks. When does anxious obessive thoughts differ from ocd? Does anyone know?

    Thanks everyone and have a good day. Steff you will probably have a great night out!!

    michelle x

  180. Doreen Says:

    In a nutshell to Steff, Debbie, Michelle M – all these thoughts you are having are variations on a theme. Please try not to take notice of the content. The theme is anxiety – like a little pest it watches us and jumps onto us and introduces a train of thought which for a period of time can be quite obsessive. But I think this is not the same as OCD.
    OCD is when you have the compulsion to repeat the same acts over and over again, like checking the gas tap to see that it is turned off for instance. I think everybody has moments of OCD – although I ‘know’ I have locked the door I still have to check that I have done it.
    For those of you who feel sick – try to just think that really is doesn’t matter and it certainly isn’t saying anything serious about your health. The worst that can happen is that is gets in the way of really enjoying yourselves which is a pain, I know.
    I hope we are all able to enjoy the better weather. The grey skies and continual rain have made it harder to rise above how we feel I am sure.

  181. Michelle M Says:


    Thanks for the reply. I was hoping that you would say that…still I dont know which is worse really!!!

    I have CBT but having a hard time actually doing the exposure therapy, which, I am sure will help me in the long run. Its just difficult sitting in your childs bedroom whilst they are sleeping with a weapon next to you. Even writing it down makes me feel uncomfortable. This is what is keeping me in the cycle. As doing things like above makes me believe that I am very unwell.

    Oh well, tomorrows another day, lets hope its better than today has turned out.

    Thanks once again doreen xxx

  182. Michelle M Says:

    Feeling better already….sod the thoughts!!

    Have a lovely day all

    Michelle xx

  183. Debbie Says:

    Jo and Doreen thanks for your replies it’s so helpful having people who understand just hearing something that really you already know seems to make it a bit better, funny how we need someone else to say it isn’t it? It’s such a scary thing anxiety a lot of people think ‘just anxiety’ they don’t realise all that goes with it do they?
    Well the suns out so that helps lift your mood I’m sure it makes a difference. x

  184. Jo Says:

    Hi all, my advice this morning is if you have sunshine and you possibly can – go sit in it for 15 minutes, not in the glare of course, but in the strong light. For those feeling sick, I know that feeling well, I have had months of vomiting every morning for weeks on end (no not pregnant) and as awful as it is , it hasn’t done me any harm and has now passed off, unless I start ‘stewing’ over things. It is anxiety related, despite one doctor telling me it had nothing to do with anxiety. Ever heard the saying ‘sick with worry’! Try not to dwell on it, and it will pass.
    Been and got the shopping out of the way earlier again. Did I feel bad? Yes, jelly legs and fuzzy head ,but I did it anyway, and I’m still here to tell the tale :)

  185. Jo Says:

    Michelle M
    I’m not a fan of CBT from what I have heard of it. What a horrible thing for you to have to do, and I can see how it would make you feel as though you are very unwell. I do hope it helps in the long run, but I also wonder if these so called professionals have ever experienced what they are trying to cure.x

  186. Jo Says:

    Doreen, sorry I missed replying to your earlier post. Yes I do a lot of chatting to myself :) Very often I realise I am analyzing how I feel and try to change that to taking more notice of what is going on around me. Paul is right, we get so lost in ourselves and how we feel, there is no wonder we loose sight of normality. Hope you are keeping well. x

  187. Michelle M Says:

    Hi Jo

    Its so difficult dealing with these thoughts which is so against what I feel and think. It was the death of my sister in law on christmas eve 5 years ago which got me in the anxiety/ocd cycle. I was petrified that i too was going to become ill, die and leave my child.

    My CBT lady really is very good. She deals with a lot of people with all sorts of mental health problems, mainly child protection related things. She knows that I would never harm anyone, let alone my own family.

    She has said that I only need another 2 sessions then I will be finished which has made me feel so much better. I obviously havent said anything in my sessions with her that would raise alarm bells.

    I can deal with all the other aspects of the anxiety…ie.. the palpatations, vomiting and retching in the mornings, but dont do so well with acceptance of these thoughts. Hopefully I will get there one day.

    Some days/weeks are certainly easier to deal with than others.

    All the best, grey skies over london now!

    Michelle x

  188. Michelle Says:

    Jo , i left you a message in “coffee lounge ” xx

  189. Jo Says:

    Michelle M, That’s good if you have a decent therapist whom you trust, and I am pleased you are almost at the end of your sessions. She must feel that you have made good progress. I can understand the death of your sister in law setting off the cycle, because I think my Mum’s death in September is what started me. I still find it difficult to think she has gone, it sort of feels not real to me. Also of course it does start you thinking about your own mortality, which I think is quite normal. I am sure you will get there, it just takes time. Sunny skies here for a change, x

  190. Michelle M Says:


    Over the past 5 years I have lost 5 family members including my father in January, had a child, moved house twice, split from a long term relationship. So I suppose I have had quite a bit going on really. And still trying to deal with the intrusive thoughts.

    Sometimes i feel quite proud that I have got through all this :-).

    Some stories in the news have set me off this week I think. i dont know why I bother reading the paper. Its all so sad and gloomy.

    Michelle x

  191. Jo Says:

    Michelle M, you certainly have had a lot to deal with and yes you should be proud to have got through it. I feel that way about my breakdown in 2004. I was in a very dark place at that time and really believed I just couldn’t take any more, but I got through it.
    I don’t watch the news and we don’t have newspapers. it is so depressing. There is no wonder people suffer when these things are pushed at us constantly throughout the day. There are certain programmes/ films I can’ watch now as well, even though I used to enjoy then before. x

  192. Michelle M Says:


    You are so right about the films and programmes. One of my favourite films was one flew over the cuckoos nest…theres no way I could sit and watch that one now. Cant watch any CSI’s or any thing to do with death.

    I only read light hearted girly books that make me feel happy.

    I, like you, have been in a worse dark place than I am today. We are strong people to get through it. I just hope it doesnt get any worse than it is already. x

  193. Jo Says:

    Michelle m – I don’t believe it will get worse, (although that is also one of my irrational fears) because we have gone through it before and probably understand more now than we did. I think we can be more hopeful now of things improving, and even if we have setbacks we know nothing horrendous will happen.It’s an ordeal to go through and is very unpleasant, but we carry on, don’t we? We just have to live for today and let the future take care of itself. xx

  194. Doreen Says:

    Michelle (mm16) – I have left you and Jo a message in the coffee lounge

  195. Diane Says:

    Hi all , havent been on for a while things have been going well, back at work full time and doing ok apart from the usual ups and downs. …. Tonight i feel like a failure again though, went to a Madonna concert and had to leave it was too busy and too loud, I got dizzy and that made me anxious and left , now trying not to go down the beating myself up route, anyone else experienced anything like this ? I think my heightened awareness goes into over drive and overwhelms me I should have known better and not went but wanted to try and push myself, lesson learned maybee satduim concerts arent for me :)hope all wellwith you all this blog has helped me get through some really tough times and following Pauls book has helped me to get my life back thenk you

  196. ginger797 Says:

    Hi everyone…i have a question how many people here work or study? i was wanting to know how everyone manages there anxiety at doing these things??? i havent worked for a while now(not because of anxiety at all) but ive decided that i need to get out of the house a couple of days a week so ive always loved the idea of hairdressing so ive decided to enrol in a course for it but now ive decided to do it my minds started the internal dialoque of “what if i cant sit in there with everyone” “what if it comes back!” hhmmm im trying to stay positive but i wonder how everyone else manages this???

  197. ginger797 Says:

    also whats other people definition of a “setback???”

  198. Michelle m Says:

    hi ginger.

    i work full time and at times its pretty difficult to get through the day. some of my work colleagues know about my anxiety and they help me on my bad days but certainly don’t treat me any different. for me personally i couldn’t give work up but i could certainly do with changing my job as this makes my anxiety worse.

    i think you should give it a go and see how you feel. you have nothing to lose.

    can’t comment on setbacks as i haven’t managed to ever get myself out of the loop for the past 5 years long enough.

    Michelle x

  199. ginger797 Says:

    thanks michelle m:)

  200. DCYL Says:

    Ginger – I work full time. At this time last year – I was much like you. I was stuck in my mind, lots of thoughts and fears and of course adrenaline. How did I manage? Gosh – at the time last year, I was seeing someone to talk and that provided temporary relief. At work, I functioned but probably wasn’t at my best.

    What probably helped was I started to exercise consistently. If I wasn’t playing sports I was at the gym. It gave me a distraction and burned off some adrenaline. Overall, I think we all need to step into our fears (even the irrationals ones) and they will go away in time. Its a little hard to share using my phone but I will rewrite a little bit of what I went through eventually

  201. Jo Says:

    Hi all. Got the real heebies this morning. Shaking, vomiting for half an hour and feeling really anxious. Hoe can you feel so good in the evening and so bad the next morning?
    Can I ask anyone else who has had the vomiting – did you get a streaming nose too? I know it’s a strange thing to ask but i get it every time and can’t understand why, Thanks x

  202. ginger797 Says:

    thanks sooo much dcyl,i think youve hit the nail on the head for me as ive noticed i was getting better a few weeks ago because i started to exercise and eat right and be in the now with my days but in the last few days ive been in my head a bit remembering past suffering and stopped doing the exercise thing too:/…my main problem these days is when i start to negative speak in my head my body starts to u no all the symptoms start and i feel like crying i guess when the “fear feelings”on my sholder even if the bodily symptoms havent started i feel like i could start to cry and i hate that, its almost like im scared of the feeling and when im scared i guess i cry( as im writing this ive realised my fear is the feeling of fear??) hhmmnn now how do i combat this??? please do share your story as i love to hear positive story of other peoples journeys:):)

  203. ginger797 Says:

    as for the irrational fears i do step into them as i know its only a thorght,i guess i just hate that fear feeling!:):)

  204. Jo Says:

    Me too ginger, and it is so difficult to just let it be, isn’t it? x

  205. Debbie Says:

    Jo how strange your feeling so bad this morning, I say strange but knowing how anxiety can change from one minute to the next no its not strange really is it?
    Well you have certainly been here before so you know as the day goes on you will feel better, did you sleep alright last night? Don’t dwell on it Jo plod through the day, do something then rest, do something then rest that’s what I find is the best to do and not to stay on that settee all day!! can you sit in the garden? x

  206. Jo Says:

    Hi Debbie, I’m trying to do as Paul says and not pay too much attention but it’s hard when you feel sick. Anyway just managed a walk to town with Ben for some flea stuff for Tess! having a little rest now cos I’m shattered then maybe make a card or two.
    I think I may have eaten too late last night. I felt hungry which is a first, so had some cereals before bed. A bit cool and dull for the garden today. x

  207. Jo Says:

    A bit quiet on here lately. Where is everyone? getting on with life I hope. x

  208. aria Says:

    Hi and thank you Paul and freinds for all the help and support you have given me,
    I have to give a public speech some time soon and i am so nervous of making a complete fool out of myself i am afraid i will get really dizzy and weak (which happens when have high anxiety) and have to stop speaking in the middle and look like a complete idiot, can anybody give me some advice on this?
    Thank you

  209. Michelle M Says:

    Work for me Jo :-(


  210. Jo Says:

    Hi Michelle M, sorry you have to work on a Sunday. You do well to be able to go to work, I’m sure I couldn’t cope with it just now, and anyway there aren’t that many jobs around here, especially for approaching 60s people :)

  211. Michelle Says:

    Jo . im here . Very nervey today though . Going to the cinema later tonight. Had the dizziness bad yesterday , a good sleep helps it . Today its the nerves , my head doesnt feel bad , just feel very fearfull .
    How are you ? xxx

  212. Michelle Says:

    Silly me hasnt been to the gym for a while , i have to get back .The hydro pool and sauna definetly helps .
    Theres a list written down of what benefits you get from the hydropool .
    One benefit was “it calms the nerveous system down” :-) xxx

  213. Michelle Says:

    I would have to sit in it a very ,very long time to calm this down :-)

  214. Jo Says:

    Hi Michelle, I’m about the same as you I think. Had a bad start to the morning, but walked to town, felt very out of it. It’s the fear with me today, just can’t seem to settle.Think I’d need a week in the hydro pool :)

  215. Debbie Says:

    Jo can’t believe your weather is dull, it’s been hot hot hot here! Did you make any cards? Well done for going to town seen as you were sick this morning!
    I had the wobbles this morning, we looked after Olivia for a couple of hours so went over the pond, I felt so shaky and dizzy but when I had to high tale it to the toilets I forgot all about my symptoms I realised cos I was so busy thinking of making it in time! ( which I did).
    Been to the gym finally hip hip hooray! I felt as though my scalp was pulsating ha ha, I was sweating and my face was like a tomato, when my heartbeat was racing it did make me anxious, so I’m hoping in time going will help it better had do after all that, a lot of people say it does so fingers crossed plus Im hoping it will help shed some weight!
    Tues will be the pool and sauna then finish off in the jacuzzi!

  216. Steff Says:

    Went to the races with the girls yesterday and had a great time! I pulled my shoulder yesterday which has made me have chest pains so now seems this is my new focus worried about that now :(

  217. Jo Says:

    Debbie, it turned hot here this afternoon, but very windy. Well done you going to the gym. Pool and sauna too, you are really going for it! Been a bit ‘off’ all day today, but never mind, things can only get better :) Only had half a complan and a slice of bread and butter so will try and get more for my tea, but not too much too late! x

  218. Debbie Says:

    Ginger797 I totally agree with you on your last post, it’s so easy to fall back into bad habits like too much negative mind talk, it only needs something to trigger it off doesn’t it?
    I definately find if I’ve nothing to do it gives my mind too much space that’s why I do try to fill my days, I know I fear the fear it’s hard not to when you’ve been in a dark place, I don’t think you can ever forget but it’s putting it in the right place in your mind, I think of it as fast asleep just how I like it, it wakes up to remind me its there but it’s putting it back to sleep again!
    I also challenge myself quite a lot really, I’ve done quite a few things I haven’t been able to do for years, it’s easy to forget exactly what you have achieved, I don’t know about other people but my mind likes to focus on the things I don’t do instead of the things I have done, but it’s good to be aware of this and change it! x

  219. Sam Says:

    Hi Elena

    I don’t usually post put couldn’t help taking an interest in what you said about taking it out on those closest to you and the thought about your insecurities. I know exactly what you mean about feeling that you should be loved as you feel like your letting them down and not being the person you should be. In hind site this does put way to much pressure on me and should just accept that one day I WILL myself.

  220. amie Says:

    I have been dealing with severe anxiety everyday since march of this year. It all started because I was dieting and became dehydrated. I started worrying about my health and anxiety took over. I lost my job because I couldnt function. I tried medication but it was horrible. April was the worse month of my life. I saw a counselor.the end of April who helped me understand anxiety and what was going on with my body. May and June started getting.better and now July is also. I do have good days but my question for.those that recovered, even on your good days, do you still feel the anxiety? I always have this feeling in my chest. It feels like icy hot.on the inside of my body. In my chest and my arms. It is worse in the morning. I also don’t know if I’m suffering from mild.depression or if its anxiety but I wake up feeling like I have nothing to look foward to. I am home now with my 2 year old and my 7 year old. I am always doing stuff outside with them and we have fun I’m just always questioning how I feel. I know its getting better…. I just want hope that it will go away. I hate thinking about it all the time but I can’t stop. I’m not worried about my health anymore. I know I’m healthy and doing everything I need to do to stay healthy. I do have low blood pressure and cholesterol but I’m taking daily supplements so things will get.better. I just have this constant feeling in my chest and like I said mild depression or something. Do symptoms just slowly go away even after.the anxiety is gone? Please share!

  221. Debbie Says:

    Hi Amie I think the more ‘normal’ things you do the more likely the anxiety will go into the back ground, unfortunately with anxiety it can take a while to recover from, but it sounds like your on the right road, let your thoughts be there but don’t feed them by trying to work out the ifs and buts, focus on your kiddies enjoy doing things with them and let the anxiety go into the background, this doesn’t happen overnight Amie you have to be patient, if you have a wobbly day don’t beat yourself up about it, you may have a touch of depression it is common when you suffer with anxiety, but hey it’s the summer holidays try to get out in the sun and take each day as it comes don’t look back or forward live for the moment!

  222. Will Says:

    Hi Amie, I know what you mean. Even on days where I don’t feel particularly anxious, there’s often a vague generic feeling of uneasiness, as is the best way I can describe it. I could feel a little foggy or there could be occasional lurches in my chest. But what I’ve realised is that when I’m out and about and with people, my anxious feelings don’t actually bother me. But when I’m stuck in the house with nothing to do all day, my focus is diverted back to myself and my symptoms and thoughts.

  223. amie Says:

    Thanks Debbie. For the past 2 months I have been doing as much “normal” things as I can. I dont fear going anywhere or doing things. My energy level is low but my therapist told me that its just the anxiety. So, I push myself everyday to get things done. I just get so tired sometimes – tired of the feelings and I get upset that it takes so much effort to get through the day. I use to be so layed back and carefree and now I feel like a different person. I know Im just having a bad day!! But I havent been symptom free since this started… close but not one day where I felt GREAT!! I just hope it comes soon. My mom went through this same thing last year and her symptoms lasted for 4 months. I guess I get discouraged because I am still having symptoms. I feel like because I am at home now I just dwell on how I feel more. Even when Im outside having fun with the kids, Im always thinking about it. Cleaning the house… thinking about it. When I have friends over or Im at friends houses… thinking about how I feel. I love photography and I have been taking pictures as much as I can and editing and trying to stay occupied, I just cant stop thinking about it. I have noticed lately though its not as much. I do have “moments” throughout the day now where I dont htink about it but once I realize Im not thinking about it, my mind starts going. Another thing that I hate is that I look foward to sleeping at night. All day long I just try to get through the day so I can go to sleep and then when the morning comes, It starts all over again. Its so tough. I still love to do things. I love going places, I love my family I think my depression is just because Im sick of feeling this way. Ive always wanted to be a stay at home mom and now that Im home with my kids, I feel like I have to go back to work to keep myself occupied. I cant enjoy it as much as I want to. The past few years have been stressful. We moved to Utah from Arizona, lost our house, filed BK, Had a baby breastfed and to top it all off I had a very stressful job!! No wonder I finally broke. Now we are going to have to move in October when our lease is up because with me not working we have to find something cheaper. Im excited to move because well be out by my mom just afraid we wont find something in October but I am trying to stay positive. We are going to turn out Chapter 13 BK to a Chapter 7 to get rid of that payment and then hopeful the finances wont be so stressful anymore. I know things will work out. I just hate not feeling good anymore. Anyways – sorry for rambling… I am just having a bad day!!

  224. Michelle Says:

    Debbie , its late but just wanted to say . well done in getting to the gym . so pleased for you :-) x keep it up x

  225. ginger797 Says:

    amie..just read ur post’s and with ur dieting/dehydration i can understand because thats what started my anxiety off to begin with..i was completely bewilderd and had the same thorghts as you as in nothing to live for or get excited about i felt the same when i was right in the middle of the anxiety so all your going through is just anxiety and the inward thinking of how do u feel all the time is just anxiety”he’s trying to make you focus all your energy on him” well you know what its all a lie anxiety is a lie ive been where you are and for about 4 days i really wanted to sleep but didnt sleep a wink at all in 4 whole days and i was a walking zombie and i broke down crying because i didnt know what was “wrong” with me all my dr said was “stop stressing calm down or go on meds” which i didnt want to do! so i found this site and it gave me an idea of what ws happening to me:) since beeing in the worst bewilderd part of anxiety to now i would say im 95% better then i was but i still have times/and symptoms that i try to work out..i too have kids, anxiety is hard

  226. ginger797 Says:

    Debbie, i loved ur post it sums my situation up! i too havent avoided anything ive taken the kids fishing heaps over the school holidays and went to meetings friends houses shopping and i even had to have a medical test at the hospital in which i went with out any trouble ive done so much thats far more positve then i was and ur right as the anxiety wants to just focus on the past suffering, also debbie congrats on going to the gym! ur are an inspiration as i remember some of your posts a while ago and boy have you came a long way! its great to hear that ur doing so well:)

  227. amie Says:

    ginger797 – thanks for the response. How long have you been dealing with your anxiety? This is the first time Ive ever experienced this. Its so scarry but I am so thankful Im not where I was in April. I get better and then start thinking, this is as good as its gonna get and start freaking out again!! It seems as though it never stops. I know it will get better soon!! It has to!!

  228. ginger797 Says:

    Amie, my anxiety first happend last year june but it really got worse when from the dieting/dehydration i woke up one night in march this year with my heart beating so fast i really thorght i was having a heart attack and went out to emergency so after that i had the inner dialogue of what if it happens here(the heart racing) i really got in a bad way and it was really scary..i was at a venue one day with my friend and i went to the toilet and ironicly on the back of the door was a beyond blue sign about anxiety with a lady looking stressed and the words wrote” anxiety make’s you sit and watch and wait, wait for nothing” it was then that i thorght no way thats not me im not going to waste anymore of my life waiting for nothing! its just fear whats the worst that can happen im already scared,in regards to your starting thinking dont worry i have just started that again over the last couple of days its just the anxiety trying to stay around it will stay there because you “freak out” about it..i dont know if anyone went on the last post that paul had lately but there was a great post down the bottem from a lady called kelly whos recoverd and said something like the things you keep dwelling on will keep them around it was a great post….

  229. DCYL Says:

    Paul – I just tried to post on my home computer and it is not appearing. It may be comment number 24603. Can you see what issue is?

  230. Ash Says:

    Been dealing with this since Feb. So much has improved and yet just enough hasn’t. I get out, go places, work and socialize more or less just fine. I’m even able to sit around and enjoy a video game, movie or drawing. I get headaches here and there, mostly tolerable. My current issue is upset stomach. I get it a lot lately. Things have been pretty stressful around home/work. Sick of my job. Planning to move to Las Vegas from Orlando and having to leave my wife and kid behind for about a month or so before moving them out. Also get bad bloating after eating and some slight anxiousness here and there… I function mostly normally and better than early on, but the upset stomach bothers me a lot and being depressed isn’t helping things… I spend to much damn time trying to figure out whats wrong with me because I can’t seem settle on the idea that it’s anxiety causing all this and not something else? Like what medical conditions can have anxiety/depression-like symptoms? >.< I find it easier to deal with "anxiety" if I know it definitely isn't something else. Otherwise, healthy eating and exercise for a better life?

  231. Steff Says:

    Can anxiety make me ache this much? Lower backache that went up to my shoulders and neck, pulled my neck which resulted in pains in chest! I don’t know If this is anxiety or if I need to book a drs appointment, dont know the difference between illness & anxiety anymore x

  232. Michelle Says:

    Steff , i really do think anxiety can make you ache this much , in my case it can . On days that i arnt as anxious i do not ache as much , that tells me what it is .
    You go to the doctors if you really need reassurance , but it can make us ache . Try not to add the worry , i know how difficult it is . We use to get all sorts of aches and pains before , from sleeping funny ect , but now we add worry to it . Hope this helps a little steffxx

  233. Michelle Says:

    Went to the pictures last night “packed” two and half hour film .
    Going to town now and if that old “anxiety wolf comes growling , im going to remember … he’s got no teeth xx

  234. Doreen Says:

    Steff and Ash – I suggest you both have physical ‘events’ going on neither of which are serious. Things you may well have hardly noticed but are really sensitive to because of the anxiety. Plus the fact that they are both likely to have been caused by the physical tension of anxiety. Ash, I too have the problems you talk about and was very much hoping they would go after removal of my gall bladder some weeks ago. But they are still there very uncomfortable at times. Those particular problems are always worse when I am anxious and stressed.

  235. ginger797 Says:

    Michelle, i love your last post gave me a little laugh! and good on u for going to the cinema:)

  236. Steff Says:

    I guess your right Doreen, I’m so focused on every little niggle at the moment! Going to get lost in today, take kiddies out to the park and enjoy the day in the sunshine, maybe all these aches and pains will bugger off x

  237. Steff Says:

    Love that saying Michelle :) xx

  238. Debbie Says:

    Amie I know exactly what you mean with the whole thinking how you feel all the time whatever your doing, I used to do that but not as much now, you are analysing too much! Let the thought be there then let it go, it does as Paul says become a habit, so you have to break that habit it’s not easy but you did say you have moments of ‘freedom’ also the dwelling on how you used to be and struggling through the day you are better off trying to change that round to something more positive I know it’s hard but keep thinking negative only feeds anxiety, look at it like a mirror what you give out is what you get back! x

  239. Susie Says:

    Hi, have just been catching up on the recent posts here, lots of help and inspiraition as usual. I love Debbie’s bit about the mirror, will be keeping that one in my head.
    Have been plodding on as usual the last few days. Went out Saturday night, niggles were there but managed to enjoy myself…a bit!
    Am trying really hard to take on the tip of staying in the moment/now, not an easy thing to do tho! My feelings right now are a little of dread and anxiousness regarding the next 6 weeks of school holidays! I have two youngsters who are very active and love to be out and about. However, as soon as I plan what we are going to do, all the thoughts come flooding back and I look ahead thinking all the things that could happen to me, etc. How do you stop creating a sequence of events on your head that aren’t even going to happen..? How do you just go minute to minute, hour to hour..?
    Wish I could just quash the constant nervous butterflys in my stomach and just get on with things without analizing every single detail.. Anyway, I hope all of you here are feeling ok today and that you can all see that big shiney ball in the sky at last!!!

  240. amie Says:

    Thanks for all your responses. So, just one last question – when recovering from severe anxiety, is it normal to still feel mild anxiety symptoms? Those will slowly go away also right?
    When this first started I saw so many doctors and therapists. I finally found a great therapist but I think I screwed my mind up worse by seeing so many. They make you feel like you have to have a reason for the way you feel so every little thing I did I questioned whether it made me anxious or not. Id be home with the kids and they would fight and then Id think its them that make me anxious and then I would get worried because I couldnt just get rid of my kids!! But now I am realizing, my kids didnt make me anxious before. There were times that I was stressed but it was because I was working a full time highly stressful job, dropping off and picking the kiddos up from daycare, taking care of the grocery shopping, house chores, laundry, baths, making sure homework gone done. I just snapped. I dont understand how some moms can do all that with no problems though and I cant handle it!! Oh well, things are getting better I just want to make sure Im on the right track. My only problem is I have this constant feeling in my chest. Like icy hot is on the inside of my chest burning/tingling. It drives me crazy. Thanks for all your support!!

  241. Debbie Says:

    Amie recovery is different for everyone, some can recover quickly some take longer, you are definately on the right road to recovery, don’t dwell or question that last little bit, focus on how much better you are and all the positive things you do instead, keep on as you are and I’m sure that little bit that’s hanging on will disappear!
    Make sure you get some time to relax everyday ‘me time’ perhaps when the kiddies are in bed, close your eyes and be aware of your breathing if a thought pops in your head take your mind back to your breathing, I find this good, takes practice though, it’s being in the now x

  242. Steff Says:

    Ive had a good day took kids to the park, water fight in sisters garden! Had a few moments of thinking oh no my back aches, now I have a bit of a spasm in my legs so I’m thinking the worst say if it’s a blood clot arghhhhhh! It’s so hard x

  243. Steff Says:

    The pains in legs have gone now I have 3 ulcers in my mouth now Im worried about them! Do u see what I am doing to myself!! Will this ever go away??? X

  244. Ash Says:

    I’m just really hoping my move to Vegas (from Orlando) is the sort of positive change I need. I don’t really have time for friends and socializing and my 4 brothers are all out in Vegas as well. Better paying job opportunity so I can provide better for my wife and kid. I hate my job, well more specifically the people I work with. My mother lives with us and helps watch our daughter while we work, but she is a source of nearly constant tension and stress as well. Her life sucks and its everyone else’s fault. Can’t afford a therapist and have very limited support group (my wife pretty much). So I’m really hoping making this move helps for the better. I just need to know it’s not some sort of medical condition and I can deal with this 100 times better.

  245. Carlie Says:

    Hey everyone. I tried posting a few days ago, but used the wrong email and my post is still awaiting moderation. Hopefully it’s okay to post this because I’m talking about something entirely different, but if anyone could help me with this, that would be amazing.

    Basically, I think my OCD is flaring up again. I know OCD is just anxiety, but calling it that lets me be more specific. Anyway, it’s a long story, but I came across a video a few days ago of some “psychic” person on youtube talking about how she hears “tones” in her head… at one point she said it was so loud that it became distracting while she was trying to make the video. The way she described it, it wasn’t in her ears, but actually in her head. Really strange… anyway, I didn’t think much of it, because everything she’s said seems really out there. But I guess the idea stuck with me somehow and I started questioning whether I’ve ever heard these tones. I’m pretty sure I would know if I had, but my anxiety always takes over. Eventually, it was like I started hearing a faint ringing/buzzing noise even though I don’t think it’s actually there. I know that everyone probably hears this very very faint noise in quiet rooms, etc. But my mind started playing tricks on me and making me think that my ears started ringing/buzzing just because I watched her video. As you can see, it sounds ridiculous, but it was enough to make me panic. I ended up having to take an anxiety medication that I took ONLY occasionally last summer when my anxiety was at its worst. It completely knocked me out, but I was thankful that I got some sleep.

    Just wondering if anyone has any advice? I think I know that my ears really aren’t ringing or buzzing or anything else, but it’s like I’m suddenly hyperaware of every noise around me and I’m almost creating it myself. I think if I can just get my mind off of it, I’ll forget about it, because they definitely aren’t “loud tones”… otherwise I would notice it even when I’m busy with other things. I hope that didn’t sound too crazy. Anxiety pretty much has no boundaries. :/

  246. Kristin Says:

    Hi All,

    I have been suffering with bad Anxiety since about May. The scary thought seem to get worse every day. My biggest fear as of lately has been death. I just can’t seem to shake the scary feeling of looking at myself in the mirror and knowing that one day my body won’t be on earth. Does anyone else think this way? I’m only 24 and I don’t know how to get rid of these scary disturbing thoughts. Any help on how to overcome a fear of death besides “accepting that we all die one day?”


  247. Doreen Says:

    Carlie – I think you have answered your own question really. You have let the anxiety latch itself onto something which is probably just the natural faint buzzing which our ears do anyway. Way back in the posts on this blog (cannot remember which month) somebody talked quite a lot about ringing in the ears and how bothered they were by it. You are quite right when you say that it is likely that you are hyper aware of sounds at the moment. I am always like that when I am tense and when I was in a bad way early in the year even the clinking noise the radiators made in the morning heating up would make anxiety rush through me. Perhaps you felt that what she was describing said something worrying about her state of mind and now you can hear noises you are worried about your state of mind. Please don’t be, you have just another symptom of anxiety, nothing more.

  248. Jo Says:

    Morning all. Had a fairly good day yesterday, almost normal all day. Back to the usual this morning though, but I have been out dog walking and shopping.

    Michelle – well done on the cinema, that’s an achievement! x

    Carlie – in anxiety we seem to pick up on the smallest thing and magnify it. I have often had to switch off a tv programme because I was starting to ‘curl up’ inside if you know what I mean. Even films I used to be able to watch have to go off. I always get the ringing in my ears when my anxiety is high, it’s just another symptom. x

  249. Michelle Says:

    Jo , i was just about to post . Good to hear from you .
    Had two good days , then “utter despair today . What on earth is this about ? I even thought yesterday , this is it im going to be “cured ” soon xx

  250. Michelle Says:

    I will post later on , Just going to the hospital with my daughter for her first scan , my first granchild , very excited xx

  251. Steff Says:

    I’m so tuned into my body at the moment, every niggle sends me thinking the worst! Do i just let that be aswell and just go easy on myself and hope that in time it will go? At least I’ve stopped crying now every time I look at my kids, that counts for something :)

  252. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Sorry for all those new people that posted and were in moderation, I have let a few through this morning and have more to go through later. Your posts may have got lost in posts above, but you are now free to post. Just try and be respectful to others and give everyone a chance to ask and recieve support and don’t take offence if something you do ask does not get answered, there are for more asking for help than there are giving it so sometimes you have to be patient.

    Thanks Paul

  253. Steff Says:

    Aw how lovely Michelle going to the scan! Enjoy every second xx

  254. Jo Says:

    Michelle – I had to smile because I thought just the same yesterday – I’m almost recovered! But as Paul said it is just setting ourselves up for disappointment, so this morning I tried not to let it get to me and did stuff even though I didn’t want to. Enjoy your time with your daughter, x

    Steff – yes a move forward, if you have stopped crying, shows you are accepting more now. I think you can see now that you can’t have everything wrong with you, that you think you have, and it’s just anxiety latching on to anything and everything. x

  255. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Steff Says: The pains in legs have gone now I have 3 ulcers in my mouth now Im worried about them! Do u see what I am doing to myself!! Will this ever go away??? X

    Steff you have health anxiety, which basically is everything that others would dismiss and not worry about, your anxiety has you believe it is something serious. Also if you home in and obsess about a pain, it can feel worse than it is as focusing on it blocks everything else out.

    So there is no ‘thing’ to go away, as no one but you can start to understand this and begin to focus less on it and change your thought process. Everyone who has health anxiety has 2 approaches, one is to say ‘O.k ill have a blood clot then, if that is what it is’ whatever your anxiety has you believe, then let it happen. This will take all the worry and focus out of it as you are allowing the worst to happen. Or say ‘There is nothing wrong with me, it is my anxiety making me believe so, I see that now and am no longer going to worry and obsess about every niggle’. Being on red alert to every sensation or ache will have you noticing every sensation in your body, I probably have little aches and pains all day, but I don’t notice or focus on them.

    You have to make a decision to start to think and approach things in a different way, don’t keep following the same old path that brings no relief. Try the approach above that suits you and stick with it, even if at first you don’t believe it, in time you will.

    I had a massive problem of my anxiety making me believe everyone disliked me and worried about everything I said to others thinking I would upset them, I was hyper sensative to people and what they thought. I turned into the biggest people pleaser ever, where unless everyone said or acted in the way I thought they should, it would have me worrying I had upset them or going over conversations and how I would please them more the nect time. This was until I realised this would never get any better and that it was my anxiety making me so hyper sensative. So I said to myself 2 things, one was that I would no longer care what people thought, my anxiety would still make me sensitive, but I would just let it go from now on. At first this felt like a lie, but in time I began to grow in confidence and that anxious voice got weaker and weaker. I also understood the truth behind me being so sensative and that my anxiety was the reason I felt this way, it was not the truth and I had to believe that, however I felt at the time. It is like looking beyond how you feel and seeing the truth, like being drunk and acting and thinking a different way, but knowing it is just the drink that makes you feel this way and it is not the truth.


  256. Jo Says:

    Does anyone else get this? – I can be doing something, like concentrating on replying here or making cards and then when I look up I get a wave of fear because things seem a bit unreal. Don’t really know how else to describe the feeling, but it’s a bit scary. Thanks.

  257. kelly Says:

    Just popping in to say hi and hope your all ok :-) xx

  258. Rachel Says:

    Jo Says:

    July 24th, 2012 at 10:44 am
    Does anyone else get this? – I can be doing something, like concentrating on replying here or making cards and then when I look up I get a wave of fear because things seem a bit unreal. Don’t really know how else to describe the feeling, but it’s a bit scary. Thanks.

    I get this Jo – good ole depersonalisation!! Just another way it can manifest I reckon..

    I just try not to get too alarmed or overwhelmed by it.


  259. Debbie Says:

    Sorry Jo I can’t help you, I get waves of fear for no reason they come then they go, they stay longer if I pay them attention but if I carry on doing whatever and not focus on them it seems to go.
    I’ve just got back from the gym, I did a good workout but when I went for a swim I felt annoyed cos some people had taken their kids in and for one hour only it’s adults only they’ve been told before but keep getting away with it, this was grating on my nerves so I got out, I went for a sauna but I couldn’t let it go so I mentioned it at the desk. So I felt anxious in the cafe I read my mag tho and tried to let it go. It’s annoying when you can’t get something out your head! Shame it sort of ruined it for me, it’s cos when I took Olivia I purposely didn’t go between 1-2 cos that’s the rules, I wasn’t the only one to moan I noticed tho!

    Did anyone watch Ruby wax last night it was about her depression etc I thought it was very good x

  260. Jo Says:

    Hi Debbie, what a shame your swim got spoiled but I know how you feel, it would have annoyed me too. I missed Ruby, did mean to watch but forgot all about it.
    Sometimes I can ignore the feelings but other times they are just so strong they overwhelm me. x

  261. Jo Says:

    Not had a very good day so far, had ‘the chest’ quite bad all day, felt like I was going to have a heart attack or something. Just been for the doggie walk though. I asked James (son) if he ever felt that way, as he is a sufferer too, although you would never know it. And he said he did, but he just ignores it or has a sleep. He also said he describes anxiety like this – You have murdered someone and buried their body, and you’ve just seen on tv that the police have found the body………! Of course you haven’t murdered anyone but as an anxiety sufferer, the police have still found the body! That just about sums it up for me.

  262. Michelle Z Says:

    Yes, Jo, I get the waves of fear…for no apparent reason. Just go with it. Accept it as just anxiety and go back to what you were doing. Listen to me giving you the same advice I need today. Ha, ha!! It’s always about acceptance. Something I’m learning today is that we have to accept even if there’s something real to worry about. My BP appears to be too low and so I have calls in to doctors to get it figured out as they have me on BP meds. And I would love to be able to cut them down, but don’t know if they are going to do that. So I am worrying about everything I’m feeling in my body and telling myself that it could be because of the meds and getting myself all worked up. And I know deep down that I have to stop doing that and accept it all because I’m only making it all worse by being fearful. We keep it alive by adding fear. If you feel a wave of fear, try not to add second fear to it. Just let it be and focus back on whatever you were doing. You…and I both…can beat this, Jo! xo

  263. Michelle Z Says:

    Paul – Just read your note to Steff and want to thank you because that is the exact same thing I’ve been doing. I actually do have a health issue and I’ve been keeping the anxiety alive by watching and listening to each and everything going on in my body. Things look funny, blurry vision, little dots, bright lights, tingles on my scalp, shortness of breath and on and on. Those are the things that I’ve been focusing on lately and I’ve been totally caught up in the fight or flight response. I’ve just allowed the fear to have the louder voice instead of giving the voice of truth the louder voice in my head. I have moments of it, but continue to allow the fear to have the upper hand. Sometimes I guess I feel incapable. Even as I’m writing this, I just thought that things looked so odd and felt the fear well up inside. And then I lose my confidence even more and feel like I’ll never get over this. I know I’ve beaten this before and have to trust that I’ll beat it again. I don’t know what’s holding me back from believing this and being able to follow through on the acceptance and saying to heck with whatever I’m feeling and just get on with my day. Any thoughts wuld be appreciated.

  264. Michelle Says:

    Just got back from the scan so ,so excited . Must say though exciment plus excited “nerves ” give you a right adrenelin rush .xx

  265. Michelle Says:

    Michelle Z , love your last two posts to jo .
    Your explaining it so well whilst also adding a strong positive vibe to it all xx

  266. Jo Says:

    Michelle z – thank you for your reply. It always comes back to fear doesn’t it? Whether it is real or imagined, fear seems the strongest emotion, the one we have most difficulty with. We feel we can’t beat it, we don’t have the confidence in our selves to say ‘to hell with it, it can’t hurt me’ because we don’t really believe that, do we? We fear the fear, and that is the hardest thing to get past. It is hard to ignore the fact that your chest feels like it is going to burst, or that your own surroundings seem unfamiliar and strange. But that is what we have got to do somehow. x

  267. Jo Says:

    Thanks Michelle, have you got the adrenaline under control :) A new baby is something for you to look forward to. x

  268. Jo Says:

    Meant to say Hi Michelle – I’m getting my Michelles mixed up :)

  269. faye Says:

    hiya carlie,
    i have ringing in thye ears and buzzing its called tinnitus..its very annoting and has maed my anxiety much worse i can for for 2 weeks or so with trying to ignore and panic about it then i panic for my its scares me that i cant turn the noise of … but anxiety make you forcus on itand paul sais just try ignore it and get on with your day ……which is very hard but what other option is there apart from dwell and wallow …does anyebody eles have tips of the symtom ring in the ears….my fear that i will struggle with this for the rest of my life….on a postive its a very up and down affiar so maybe time will heal xxxxx

  270. Debbie Says:

    On the fear topic, sometimes it can be understandable but we blame our anxiety, I noticed this today at the gym when I had a moan about children being in the pool at an adult hour, I was shaking even my voice was wobbly, when I went and got a drink and sat down I started thinking oh god I feel anxious I’m going to leave, I didn’t but I know now I totally blamed ‘my anxiety’ when it wasn’t it was the confrontation which would make anyone feel like I did especially when you never complain about anything. So what I’m trying to say is to stop and think is it a normal feeling!

  271. Steff Says:

    Paul thanks so much for the reply. I am going to take everything you said on board and see how I get on! I have had a really good few days with the kids and have more to look forward too! My legs ache this evening but instead of panicking I’m just going to let it be! X

  272. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Steff Says: My legs ache this evening but instead of panicking I’m just going to let it be!

    Thats a better attitude and totally what you should be doing, just stick with it no matter how hard anxiety try’s to drag you back to worrying and obsessing, with practice it’s voice will weaken and it will become automatic to just let it go.

    Michelle focusing on every symptom means you are very concerned about how you are feeling.

    If you use the word accepting as a tool to feel better then that’s the mistake, the best thing to do is just allow yourself to feel bad, how can you worry about a sensation if you are willing to allow yourself to feel bad? Also if you allow ‘whatever’ to happen then you will begin to focus on other things. A lot of people spend so much time focusing on their symptoms because they are trying to find peace, a lot of people go over and over things because they are trying to find peace. The best way to find peace is not to look for it.

    I rememeber a story about a burglar who said when he was caught he could not have felt more relaxed, as he knew the game was up and he knew there was no way out, he was far more nervous and worried when he was doing it, it was the threat of being caught. Anxiety is the same , it is the threat that people get concerned about, where is this sensation going? What is that I feel? Is this something else? Will this ever go away? The only way to no longer obsess and worry is to let yourself feel the worst, lay all your tools down and just have it.

    Hope that makes sense


  273. DCYL Says:


    Tried posting from home but didn’t have any luck. In any case, let me give you a short version (I’m starting to understand why people don’t post a ton as they get better. You don’t want to be “reminded” of some of the past experiences”.

    In short, last year, I had a bundle of things happen at the same time: Mom got something that wasn’t serious but was scary, job lay off, back taxes and a traffic ticket (all within 2 to 3 weeks of each other). I think the constant worry built up and culminated with a anxiety attack before I went to bed one night.

    I had trouble sleeping for a while. I believe I had gotten anxiety about sleeping due to what happened. I had a lot of adrenaline, got lots of weird feelings. I was sensitive to every little thing. I had fears of being alone, etc, etc.

    At some point, I saw someone and it was helpful to TALK. But as someone posted here recently, seeing a professional is good BUT they make you think and sometimes that is not so good. Paul’s teaching is to “let things be”, tough to do when someone is asking you “why are you thinking this?”

    I eventually stopped seeing the person and just went on my own. I started exercising and while it helped a bit, I don’t think it was the complete answer. I think I used exercise and other things as a safety behavior and it wasn’t until recently where I realized I was still avoiding certain situations. In fact, what helped was I had to do jury duty recently. It forced me to change me my routine and I think that it helped minimize some fears I had.

    I actually feel pretty good lately, not 100% but it’s alright. I still go through days where I feel something and obessess though! So, it can be done, but I find that anxiety seeps into a lot of things and we don’t always realize it. Keep at it and you’ll get better though!

  274. ginger797 Says: just summed me up exactly everything about your situation sounds so much like what happend to me and the professional thing for me aswell helped i tad in the first two sessions but i felt it was a waste of time as she wasnt telling me the”fundamentals” of anxiety like paul does just asking me to figure out “why”from past has this happend and said if “it “happens again just repeat to urself “i will accept myself” huh???? no not helpful untill i found this site! i was on alot of facebook groups to do with panic attacks and anxiety which i found made me worse as id think “oh i hope i dont become agrophbic like these people” or these people have been dealing with this for year and years i hope i dont have it like that” so a month ago i took all those groups off and like you just started to live and i even stopped reading the anxiety books and coming on here feel 95%better the i was a few months ago but the one thing i find hard and that if i go to a friends house(and i must say i think ive been avoiding this and avoiding helpinmg out at the kids school)i dfind that my mind starts saying negative and my heart starts to race and i feel as if i need to get out just so i dont have a attack like i did that night at home the first time i guess im scared of the feeling of fear and i just need to go along with it:) thanks again dcyl it nice to hear about someone progressing and gives me alot of hope:)

  275. Ash Says:

    Well my Vegas move just took a turn for the worse as one of my siblings sort of ruined my chances of landing the job I wanted. I still plan to go and try to make things workout for my family but this really sucks. I’m trying to, again, come to terms with my anxiety/condition. I’m having a hard time still believing its anxiety causing me this much torment. I AM under tons of stress and I do feel depressed, but my stomach is upset on and off a lot. I feel tired/fatigued a lot as well and the slight tension in my chest. Grr, its so frustrating. I’m almost driven to the point on bad days that I swear my death is imminent! Has anyone other than Paul managed recovery/full recovery? On a positive note I have become quite the health food guru and lost 45lbs. I guess that counts for something? Best of luck to everyone else. I definitely recommend changes to diet and exercise to help.

  276. Brian Says:

    Hey Paul/everybody!
    Just wanna let you know your book has been incredibly helpful. I wanted to know if you ever experienced anxiety in the form of self doubt? Not an”I’m not good enough,” doubt necessarily, but an anxiety that seeks to find out things I’m good at and tries to worry you into thinking you can no longer do those tasks. For example, I’ve always been an incredibly funny person (if i do say so myself :). However recently I’ll doubt my ability to be funny/witty. Another example would be my job is predicated on people relationships. It’s a strength of mine. However I’ll get doubt thoughts that try and make me feel like I won’t be able to “be myself,” or “be on my game.” I know that this may sound strange, but that’s the type of anxiety I get. It’s more like a pressure to just be me. I’d love to hear your comments and other peoples comments, especially if you have experienced doubt such a this. Thanks again Paul


  277. Brian Says:

    I also wanted to mention its like a feeling I’m on the cusp of greatness but I sabotage myself with doubt! If I have nothing to worry about I’ll find something. For example again, “what if I wasnt able to talk?!” such weird irrational self doubt thoughts frustrate me because without them, I would bedeck on top of the world. Thanks again

  278. Carlie Says:

    Thank you for all of the replies! I think the whole thing is that my ears really AREN’T ringing/buzzing. I mean I do occasionally have ringing in my ears (especially with anxiety), but it doesn’t bother me. I think, instead, I’ve become hyperaware of any and all noises and almost imagining that it’s there… but it’s not a delusion or anything, because I know there isn’t any ringing/buzzing! Luckily things have been better since Sunday night when I panicked about it. Anxiety picks the weirdest things to latch onto sometimes… I’ve actually been taking a natural supplement that has helped me a lot, but I ran out of it over a week ago and I suddenly got worse. I really wonder if the two are connected. My sleeping schedule has also been horrible, so hopefully I can get on the right track with that soon. After I took the anxiety medication Sunday night it completely knocked me out and I felt sluggish all day yesterday… then extremely depressed, which it’s done to me before. I only used it as a last resort and I’ll definitely do that in the future because I just don’t like the effect it has on me the next day.

    But anyway, still have the DP I guess… sometimes it just feels like I’m stuck and that I haven’t felt like myself in a long long time, but hopefully I’ll get there. I’m pretty much past the point of panicking about it, but I know the anxiety is obviously still there. I try to read the DP manual when I can, because it teaches the same thing Paul does and it’s very helpful. I haven’t seen Matt post in awhile, did he recover? If so, I’m really happy for him! I hope everyone else is doing okay. :) Oh and thanks for approving my posts, Paul! I used the wrong email address so it was my fault that they got lost in all of the other comments. Thank you for taking the time to run this blog and check it so often, I really appreciate it.

  279. Jo Says:

    Ash – I too have a hard time accepting it’s just anxiety causing the symptoms, but it is, there are too many of us having the same symptoms for it not to be. Chest tension, yes I have that big time.Stomach upset, thankfully not as often as I used to. Slight worries that would not normally be a problem suddenly become overwhelming in anxiety mode, so all that you are going through is bound to take its toll on you. Good luck with your move.

    Carlie – i am like you with medication, it knocks me out and then I feel worse when I wake up, that’s why I want to get by without anti depressants.

  280. Michelle Says:

    Jo and steff , thank you .The scan was amazing ,so clear for 12 weeks.xx

  281. Michelle Says:

    Had a very busy day yesterday , the tiredness you feel is unreal . I have also noticed the mood can be ok , then theres a sudden “drop ” , i can actually feel it , like dropping down a few floors in a lift .
    Yet another thing to accept .
    The pictures went well .I was in a strong mood that said “go to hell ” anxiety im sick of you trying to imprison me . I think sometimes when you get so fed up of it and a bit of anger creeps in , the fear decreases .
    You see we have to know and feel improvements are happening , even though we dont feel ourselves at the moment .
    When i was at my worst i never thought i would be able to go to the cinema .I love the days when im bigger than it , i was walking through town the other day and felt so peacefull and confident in myself .I must of been truly accepting .

    Yesterday was hard going for the scan . Driving there i was thinking , i will faint , have a heart attack , or a fit .The legs were jelly . As usual none of this happened and it was that old bogey man doing his tricks.
    Hope you all have a nice day , very humid here today xx

  282. Jo Says:

    Hi Michelle – You did very well going to the cinema, I can’t face that yet, but James is wanting us to go to London again !!!I got the accepting mood today too. Got up, had a shower, did the walk, watered the lavender and weeded a bit. Then walked to town and on to Tesco with James. Went into Tesco on my own cos James had a drink (HOT Chocolate!!)then came home, just having 5 minutes with an energy drink now. I started the day off with a banana smoothie as they are supposed to be calming and good for increasing serotonin:)

  283. Jo Says:

    Bye the way Michelle – you have mail:)

  284. Debbie Says:

    Jo you’ve had a good morning and you went in Tescos on your own that’s brilliant! Did you feel better than usual when you got up or did you have the symptoms but just got on with things? I find if I feel better I can do much more and enjoy it but when I’m not good when I get up I struggle to do everything even tho I still do it.
    So hot today, just been for a walk to the cemetery I felt jelly legged, funny cos going I feel wobbly but coming home I’m ok I suppose it’s the homeward bound back to my safety zone! x

  285. Jo Says:

    Hi Debbie – I did feel a bit jittery this morning but made myself get up and get on with things, it definitely helps. James says he’s going to get me out of it as he wants to take me shopping to London!. He thinks I’ve won the lottery I think :)
    The heat doesn’t help when you have jelly legs to start with does it? x

  286. Michelle Says:

    Nice to hear you have had a good morning jo .Theres only one way through this and thats to go through (if you get me )
    You get yourself to london with james .Theres one quote i love from claire weekes …. Wait on no mood . xx
    Thank you for the email jo x

  287. Michelle Z Says:

    Thanks, Paul! You are right; however, I’ve now sunk into a depression and am just struggling so much. I know that even with this I need to allow it and just get on with my day, but I find I keep focusing on how I feel. I’m at work and trying to focus on my job, trying to tell myself “whatever,” but I’m not feeling it. Occasionally, I feel a bit of anger at all this well up and then I’m good for a few minutes. But next thing I know, I’m back into how I’m feeling. Ugh! So do I just keep trying to change my attitude? I know what I’m supposed to be doing, but just needing some reassurance at the moment. The last two days have been the roughest I’ve had in a very long while. I’m sure it’s because of my son, who is a drug addict. He went into a very expensive drug rehab on Monday (which we agreed to pay for and we are not rich people) and my symptoms are way worse, including slipping into this depression. Thanks for listening.

  288. Jo Says:

    Michelle – he walked my legs off last time. Did you see my post on how he describes anxiety. He’s very good because he lives with it and you would never know. It doesn’t scare him and he just gets on with it. You are right, we have just got to through it, and hopefully we will be better and stronger for it, even if we don’t recover completely. The one good thing about it is I have made some lovely friends on here, who I would never have known if not for anxiety. Thanks anxiety – at least you’re good for something :)

  289. Charlotte Says:

    Hi everyone, I just wanted to give you a bit of encouragement. 5 months ago I was a shaking mess, anxiety 24/7 and couldn’t leave the house. By using exposure techniques and doing things I didn’t want to do I slowly recovered. I now have a job again! Going back to work this week. I did a trial shift today and no anxiety. I’m not 100% but i’m certainly almost there.
    It is possible if I can do it, you can too. I worked very hard at carrying on doing all the things I would usually do pre-anxiety at a gradual pace and week by week it reduced. I couldn’t of got through the worst of it without Paul, this blog and Claire Weekes :). I’m sure i’ll still have the off bad day, but that’s okay. Wishing you all well xx

  290. Jo Says:

    Hi Charlotte, so pleased to hear that, well done! You have come on so well. Congratulations. xx

  291. kelly Says:


    Well done on getting the job and so glad your doing better. You are truly an inspiration, see told you that you would get there in the end. Well done xxx

  292. Debbie Says:

    Charlotte what an achievement WELL DONE, you give us all hope! x

  293. Michelle Says:

    Charlotte , yipeeee , yipeee :-) xx

  294. Michelle Says:

    Charlotte , thank you for posting and so very , very pleased for you .
    Wise words from you . You worked hard at doing the things you use to do (pre anxiety ) at a steady pace .
    This is the way isnt it . Congratulations in your new job , your post will give much hope to many xx

  295. Debbie Says:

    Got a challenge tomoro so feeling a bit anxious, the usual building up to it bit! I don’t mind going anywhere on my own as long as I’m in control of leaving and getting home when I want but tomoro I’m biking to a friends then we are going in her car as she wants to show me her new shop she’s opening, so i dont know the area and my biggest worry is if I need the loo!
    So annoying that I can’t look forward to it instead of getting in a stew more annoying cos we do it to ourselves! x

  296. Will Says:

    I haven’t been anxious for a few days now, but I’m struck with another touch of health anxiety. It’s always about daft little twinges, but this one’s a little longer running…
    The right side of my abdomen bulges a little. I noticed this back in the September of 2010 (it might’ve been around for longer but I didn’t notice). I started obsessing over it so I eventually went to the doctor in April the following year. They said it was either the early signs of a hernia or bloatedness caused by trapped wind (which is what it likely is since I DO have a lot of trapped wind). They said if it got any bigger it was likely a hernia… well it’s been a year and a few months now and it doesn’t seem to have changed at all, but sometimes I can’t help noticing it. Am I obsessing over what could be perfectly normal, am I just obsessing over not being perfectly symmetrical?

  297. Will Says:

    Also congratulations Charlotte, that’s great! Keep up the good work! :)

  298. ginger797 Says:

    congrats to charlotte! so positive thats what i love to hear these sorts of storys make me smile:):):)

  299. Josh Says:


    While letting the thoughts stay besides us seems to work fine, there is great amount of tiredness that i feel daily especially when i seem to do things which i till now avoided doing. That seems to linger for good 2-3 days and seems a bit real to avoid or ignore. Is that unreal too? or some rest is pescribed


  300. Jo Says:

    Debbie, that’s what I find difficult too, not being in charge – we need to know we can get back to our safety zone if we need to ! You are strong though and I know you will do it, look how far you’ve come. x

    Will, yes I think you are worrying needlessly, if the bulge hasn’t changed then chances are it’s wind ! I have an uncomfortable feeling in my side sometimes, had it for years and two doctors have said it’s nothing to worry about, but I still do :)

  301. Jo Says:

    Had a pretty nasty night, woke up from a bad dream feeling really frightened – adrenaline kicked in and it took some getting under control, then didn’t sleep well the rest of the night so tired now and a bit trembly. Trying to ‘let it be’ though. I knew I shouldn’t have had that pizza for tea :)

  302. Jo Says:

    Josh, I know your question is for Paul, but I would just like to say that anxiety does cause you to feel tired easily, something to do with adrenaline making muscles work harder. I feels shattered sometimes and then I rest, I don’t see any point in pushing to the point of exhaustion.

  303. Charlotte Says:

    Thank you for all the nice words everyone! This thing really can be beaten and go on to lead a ‘normal’ life again. I have always been a bit of a worrier so I think certain aspects of anxiety will always stay with me, it’s just about getting to a stage that feels comfortable for you. The fact that I can go out and about anywhere again now is great, and my energy has slowly returned. It is true that we must live along side it to beat it.
    My next biggest challenge will be going abroad but will cross that bridge when I come to it lol. Good luck all, will still be checking back here regularly xx

  304. Jo Says:

    Charlotte, I am so pleased for you. Do keep in touch and let us know how you are getting on. x

  305. Will Says:

    Jo – Thanks for replying. It’s amazing how deceptive trapped wind can be! I often get twinges and pains, only for it to be trapped wind. The bulge worried me more but you’re right, if it was a hernia it would have developed since last April. I guess I just need to stop focusing on it too much. :)

  306. Will Says:

    I often get wind pains near my heart or right-side abdomen, so every time I think it’s either a heart attack or appedicitis! 😛

  307. Jo Says:

    Will – what are we like eh? I get chest pains too, mostly indigestion but I get worried it is my heart as well. If we didn’t have the anxiety we would not worry about the pains so much.

  308. Michelle Says:

    Jo , so true how james describes anxiety . I did not realised he gets it .
    It does not scare him and he just gets on with it , that is the way .Sometimes i wonder if the younger ones “get it” easier than us .Or again that could be anxiety making me think negative .
    I was reading debbies post about as long as she can leave when she wants to . These are safety devices we build up .Paul says he dropped all the “crutches” Very difficult to do .
    I still like to have my car near when i go anywere , but it isnt as bad as it once was.
    I went to the cinema in daughters car on sunday and was fine. They are silly crutches we have , because if i had of fainted ect at the cinema , then i wouldnt of been able to “run” back to my car .
    Going with dogs now , they be glad it isnt as warm . xx

  309. Will Says:

    Michelle – That’s so true about “crutches”. Mine is my iPod, I like to listen to it to distract me or calm me down in anxious situations. But it’s become a lot like a safety device as I can’t leave the house without it “in case I need distraction”. Mainly I take it because it’s boring just to walk around town with no music or whatever, but I admit I also take it in case I get anxious and need something to distract me from it.

  310. Michelle Says:

    Will , thats only a tiny crutch an ipod , well done .
    At the beggining mine were
    car , mints , bottled water , rescue spray , tissues , a sandwich , smelling salts , phone numbers and i hate to admitt diazipam that the doctor gave me right at the begining . i did not take the tablets but felt safe with them on me . My list has shrunk so small .
    This recovery definetly builds up in small layers . I just would like to stop analizing every body sensation , and get rid of the apprehension when going somewere .Saying that i have improved no end .
    Have a good day :-)

  311. Michelle Says:

    I am just laughing at my last post , i forgot my main safety device was soaking a tissue in oilbas oil to help me breathe . My goodness its at least a year since i did that . We forget how bad we once were dont we ?
    I think a lot of us are still a little anxious , but we have improved greatly . Paul thank goodness you built this site :-) :-)

  312. Jo Says:

    Here, here Michelle, I don’t know what i would have been like without this site.
    My crutches are my laptop and my crafts. I know I come on here more than I should but I still need it. I also have my cdraft site and chat on there. And I turn to card making when there is no one on the sites. I also like it when meggie joins me on the settee! The one thing I feel sad about is that I still can’t seem to get back to painting, and I’m fearing I have lost that. x

  313. Nicola Says:

    I developed a fear of existense through suffering with very severe anxiety for a long time. Can anyone tell me whether this fear will leave when I overcome my anxiety? I am finally on the road to recovery, but I don’t understand this odd fear. I assumed it was a result of just being terrified for such a prolonged period of time. I overcame all my earthly fears, hence this whopping fear I’m left with I suppose. I should also mention I had PND as well. I really hope someone can shed some light.

  314. Jo Says:

    Nicola, I’m not sure what you mean by fear of existence. Do you mean you fear living, or are afraid you don’t exist? I have difficulty with my perception of reality which I am assuming is due to DP. x

  315. Michelle Says:

    Jo . i spend too much time on here , maybe ?
    I say maybe because , if it is something that has helped so much , then maybe not . I can never forget the day i had to take mum for scan results . I had built the anxieties up so much , i could never have cancelled doing it , she would of said “youve gone crackers ” It was you who posted a reply , and just to know that someone completley understood how i was feeling , and gave me encouragment , got me through it .
    I had followed this site for a long time , but once i started to posts , improvements began . To me its like the very best therapists you could possibly have . People who have been through it , or going through it and understand so well . Also i think when we post , its like writing it down and getting off our chests , and that helps .
    No waiting lists … to get a brilliant therapist , they are all here. xx

  316. Michelle Says:

    Jo , i was thinking of your james when i was dog walking , we have to get like him , so it does not “scare us” . We will do slowly .
    Also will was saying about his ipod . One of my husbands friends always wears ipod to town , he once said it gives him a bit of confidence . I didnt know what anxiety was then , and thought nothing about what he said , and im sure he didnt either . More people than we know have these feelings , ours are a bit stronger though . xx

  317. Michelle Z Says:

    Nicola – It’s just an obsessive scary thought. Yes, it will also leave. Just let it be there, screaming as loud as it needs to, and get on with your day. Sometimes it seems so hard, but if you can see yourself already recovering from anxiety, then trust that this will also leave in time. Just give it space.

  318. Michelle Says:

    Jo , you will get back to your painting . I have found that my interest of my favourite things , are slowly coming back . We have had a lot to cope with , and been inward thinking for so long . I keep saying “slowly ” but thats how it is to be , wish it wasnt but it is .
    Just going to bake a chocolate cake now , i would send you all apiece if i could :-) x

  319. Jo Says:

    Hi Michelle, been out with the dogs and the to town with Ben, it wasn’t too bad even though I feel a bit zombied. That’s because of lack of sleep last night. I am glad I helped you that time I answered your post. You are right that we get a lot of good help here.
    Your chocolate cake sounds yummy, I love chocolate but it doesn’t agree with me so I have cut it out, but thanks for the offer. did you get my email? I sent a couple of photos of my art for you to see. x

  320. Debbie Says:

    Well, I survived going out in a friends car and not having my bike with me for a quick exit if needed, I felt absolutely terrible and made the worst mistake by trying to control it, panicking more when I couldn’t stop the symptoms so ended up taking half a Valium, 2mg! So the symptoms died down but my mind obviously didn’t so now had the added “I knew I couldnt do it” ” why can’t I be normal? ” “my life is rubbish” on and on it went!
    But even though I felt terrible I stayed for two hours well I had to wait for a lift back, then went to the shops brought a card then stopped off at my parents for an hour, amazing how you can do all that even though you feel terrible, I was actually out for over 6 hours.
    Can’t be pleased I did it cos it was awful! x

  321. Ron Says:

    Hi Guys,
    Hope your all well.

    Just wanted to say hi! It’s my first time here.
    I’ve had anxiety for many years but never all the time. However I’ve never truly understood why even after it subsided that I had no control on it coming back again, which is why it’s back again quite debilitating at the moment! I’ve read Paul’s book and Claire Weekes publications and there both wonderful. The proof in the pudding however is finding the courage to walk the line in the midst of it all!! Fear for no reason is what I’m dealing with at the moment and a deep sense of dread! I hate it!

    Thanks for listening guys!

  322. Doreen Says:

    But Debbie – you did it despite feeling awful. I do understand that the much preferred scenario is to actually be able to get on, enjoy something etc and that will return. In fact it already has at times for you but not today. But you are back home. alive and kicking. And yes, it is amazing but the amazing bit is you and what you achieved.

  323. Nicola Says:

    It’s so hard to explain but it’s like my life became so overwhelming that my brain went into meltdown. Became scared of everything. Fear of life, fear of death, fear of afterlife and finally a fear of the very fact that I exist at all. just an overwhelming feeling of doom, like I have nothing to hold onto that brings me a feeling of peace. I have improved massively over the last month due to meds for the depression, I just wonder if it is all part of the anxiety and whether I’ll ever feel comfortable with life again.
    Thank you so much for replying ladies. I know it’s a bit of a weird one. I think it’s all linked in with the birth of my daughter and my dad suffering a stroke shortly after, then my grandad in law dying after that. All the life and death stuff I mean xx

  324. Michelle Z Says:

    Nicola – Truly it’s just an extension of the anxiety. Many people who suffer with anxiety have obsessive, scary thoughts, which is what you’ve been going through. Have you read Paul’s book? He’s got a chapter on it. And there is a blog on here that speaks specifically to that as well. You may have to search around for it. Plus, Paul talks about it on the home page of the website. He tells about going out for an hour run one day and when he came back, his thoughts had quieted down because the anxiety had quieted down. But a few hours later when the anxiety started climbing, the thoughts came back as well. He teaches to let the thoughts be there, let them scream as loud as they want to, but just get on with your day. It takes time, but you can rid yourself of them. You’re not alone. There are many people on here who have suffered with all kinds of scary thoughts, including me. And it’s not weird. I’ve seen lots of other people talk about the very thoughts you have. You’ll get past it. x

  325. kelly Says:


    I have been going through something very similar to you. I think its because our anxiety has nothing in particular to focus on so it focuses on the biggest of things I.e life, death etc. I like you have struggled with it. Wondered what happens after, how the world come about, how humans are how they are, feeling scared of leaving this life etc. When your in a highly anxious state everything can seem scary and you question things you probably never thought about before. I know exactly what you mean by having no feeling of peace, its like you can’t relax at all when you think about existence. Then everything starts to feel fake and like a dream. I also have a son and this come about in the last few months. He is 16 months old now. I know this is the root of my anxiety. Just as losing a loved one makes you question your own mortality so does the birth of a child. I don’t believe we just ‘end’, I think humans are far too complex for that and if we did then none of this would make sense. I do believe there is something after, I don’t know what however. It is one of those things we will never find an answer to like we do other things. The anxiety your referring to is called ‘existential anxiety’. I know how hard it is and how horrible it feels so I do sympathise because your going through it. Just try and find peace in the fact nobody knows what or why :-)

  326. Sophia Says:

    Hi all

    Am puzzled at what I want in my life..I have made myself comfortable in pushing the day watching tv or something to get through my day..may be I will do shopping to make myself happy.I keep doing things for making myself happy or end up blaming others for being the reason…sometimes I feel this is wrong as I should be knowing what I have to do , have a goal in life, doing something worthwhile rather than pushing the day ..
    Which one is right? If I am not thinking about anxiety as a subject I keep thinking something n end up to the depth of it n if I am aware it’s anxiety I try n control my reactions..I am in a mess right now can’t even explain properly!

    I guess my attitude is wrong..I always feel “there is something to do” or make it correct .i am never happy or content due to my thoughts..
    My mind cannot stay without feeding on to some negativity or worries
    But I can’t recognise that it’s my thoughts that’s making me feel helpless as they are so random n has become second nature..
    I don’t feel any emotions or effection ,since it’s always rumination I can’t stop it n focus outside or connect with people.hence I feel it’s better avoiding people as its not giving me happiness.
    I can’t make myself think in the right perspective.pls help.

  327. Debbie Says:

    Sophia I could’ve written your post myself, it’s all very confusing isn’t it, I think we need to be more mindful in things we do, did you see the Ruby Wax programme Tuesday I think it was, she talked about her depression, she talked to a specialist who says mindfulness is the way to go and is now available on the NHS I’m going to ask about it with my doc, really it’s getting the control back of your thoughts, for example when I wash up I’m thinking about other things constantly, you should be feeling the water on your hands, the bubbles the sounds and smells of the washing up liquid, this is mindful, I’m really going to practice doing it with different things, a good one to try it on is cleaning your teeth! Apparently it has been proven to make a very big difference to anxiety/depression sufferers!

  328. Will Says:

    Nicola – I too know what you mean. Sometimes my anxiety likes to stick to random thoughts that go through my mind, making them linger. I remember I had a few existential thoughts that I couldn’t let go of for a while. It was as if my brain was trying to decipher the workings of these thoughts, and at the same time I feared going mad for doing so. One thing a lot of us fear is going mad or being mad for thinking such things, but we’re not – it’s just something anxiety has stuck to, making us take these thoughts WAY too seriously. But as everyone has said, they WILL disappear with time if you pay them no respect and just carry on.

  329. Steff Says:

    Spent the day in Brighton with the kiddies today have been out for 12hrs! I too lost it a bit, came over feeling a bit sicky and then my mind went crazy “oh no I feel sick say if I’m actually sick” “oh no say if I’m really I’ll and this is something serious” so ended up making myself sick with worry which did kind of ruin the day a little as I was so thinking about myself and how I was feeling for pretty most part of the afternoon! I did it though and didn’t run away, I’m in bed now with a cuppa – think the nausea is beginning to subside x

  330. Nicola Says:

    Thank you so much for all your replies. It’s comforting to know I am not alone. Xx

  331. ginger797 Says:

    michelle z…love ur post, i havent read pauls book yet only read claire weekes and pauls site but the thorght thing is whats happening to me again at the moment i got rid of it for a few weeks and now its back again but not as bad but i know what to do and its only anxiety trying to scare me..ive had some worrys this week and eating bad not exercising at all so i can see thats whats different here…

  332. Carlie Says:

    Nicola, I can totally relate.

    Right now I just have this… uneasy feeling, which is what I have a lot. But I’ve been more anxious the last couple of weeks than usual. I feel like I just want to jump out of my skin or something and I keep wondering when the real me will come back. :( And the worst part is that I know that’s the wrong way to go about it. I just feel so trapped.

  333. Nicola Says:

    Hi Carlie, I have had the very severest form of anxiety, unrelenting terror, and I have improved loads so I promise you it can be done. I’ve learned that the real anxiety is in the constant assessing of it, checking yourself to see how you’re feeling and fearing the fear. In short, being anxious of feeling anxious. You have to redirect your concentration into something else. Had my first panic attack in a month last night so it will be interesting to see how I get on today, if I fear another attack, it’s gonna happen again. This thing doesn’t go away over night, you have to take each day slowly and live in the moment. Xx

  334. Jo Says:

    Steff – well done for that outing, even if you felt bad you have achieved something. 12 hours! no wonder it got to you, but you made it through. Give yourself a break today, and have some down time. x

  335. Jo Says:

    There are so many theories about what anxiety is and how to cure it. We are all different, individuals with different hopes and fears, and so what works for one may not work for others. You just have to find the thing that works for you. Some of us can go to work, drive and get around – others can’t and I don’t think it helps to worry that we aren’t getting on as well as the next person. In health everyone has things they like to do, and things they do just because they have to, and it is the same with anxiety. I sometimes find myself thinking I should be feeling better about going shopping for example, when I don’t like shopping at the best of times. So why do I expect I should be doing it with anxiety and feeling fine about it? What I’m trying to say is, don’t think you have to do everything and enjoy it. Sorry if this doesn’t make much sense :)

  336. Steff Says:

    I will jo.
    Saw a saying yesterday whilst in Brighton which I liked “I hope for everything, I fear nothing, I am free” ????

  337. Jo Says:

    That could be your little mantra then Steff :)

  338. Sophia Says:

    Thank you Debbie for your kind response…anxiety makes you confused and question every passing minute!
    I should try mindfulness if u find any gud sites pls refer as I am not in Uk I won’t be able to access the service of Nhs..
    Thank you dear…sometimes it’s hard to get out of the circle..future seems blurred or even the latter part of the am simply devising some programmes to participate even meeting someone though I have little interest..

  339. Jo Says:

    Gary and Doreen – have seen much of you lately, hope you are both ok. x

  340. Michelle Says:

    Jo , your paintings are amazing , how good to have such a talent . Meg is simply adorable . I am sending you mail this evening :-)
    Just going out now , my mums brother is visiting her and i am summonds to be there .I go to see her daily , every evening , so today i will be going twice .
    I have found out one of the things that got me into anxiety was my incapacity to say “no” For years ive said yes just to please a few bullys in my life .
    Hope everyone has a good day xx

  341. Michelle Says:

    Steff , well done on yesterday . I havnt much time at the moment . But remember that quote you saw in brighton ” fear nothing xx

  342. Jo Says:

    Thank you Michelle, I only recently (pre anxiety) discovered I could paint, so you can see how I am feeling about losing it. Must bring the art stuff downstairs so it is easily accessible.
    I know that feeling all too well, trying to please everyone. It can’t be done,No just has to be said sometimes. x

  343. Gary Says:

    Hi Jo,
    thankyou for thinking of me, the last two weeks have been a bit rough, our good old friend anxiety seems to be dogging my every step but i am getting there, when its there it just takes it out of me, but think im turning the corner again, it is sometimes so surreal and jumps out from no where!! it wierd jo because the anxiety doesnt frighten me as it used too but i hate the sensations it brings, but as always im not letting it stop me im getting out and about and carrying on as normal, i dislike the mind chatter but i just let it in now let it do its thing to dissapear when its ready.
    i am very happy go lucky but since my dad died i feel ive built a wall around myself i used to be able to cry eisely but havent cried for about 3 months which upsets me as i used to find it a realese i hope one day this emotion comes back to me, sometimes feel as if im outside looking in.
    Anyway enough of going on i hope you and everyone are doing o.k when i feel really low i just remember there is someone always worse off than myself, i have read the posts but missed writing them just needed to get myself together a bit, take care x

  344. Jo Says:

    Hi Gary, sorry you are having a hard time. Yes surreal is just the right word for it, and like you it is the sensations I dislike most, especially ‘the chest’ which I get alot. Gary I haven’t cried since the accident in 2004, not what I call crying anyway. I did shed a few tears for Mum but not really a proper cry. sometimes the feeling I want to is so strong and yet it just doesn’t come. I am still having difficulty with my Mum’s death, it just doesn’t seem real to me, but a cruse counselor told me 8 months is nothing to grieve and it could take a while yet.
    It is good that you are able to carry on and get out and about. You are a lovely person and you deserve to be happy. Hang in x

  345. Gary Says:

    Thanks Jo for those lovely kind words, we will get there in time and until that time comes we have each other for support, ive never met you but i tend to be a good judge of character and i think you are a lovely lady and if im ever in your neck of the woods i would let you know and i would meet up with you for a cuppa, we could put the world to rights or try too!! take care and enjoy your evening im not a big olympic fan but i think ill watch the opening ceromony to see if the hype matches up x

  346. Jo Says:

    Gary, thank you for your kind words, and you had better let me know if you are ever this way, it would be lovely to meet. Life is what we make it isn’t it so we just have to make the best of the good days.I’m sure there will be lots to come. Yake care. x

  347. Jo Says:

    Oops that should have been Take care of course. I am in the garden and the sun is causing problems with my screen :)

  348. Michelle Z Says:

    Woot woot! Okay, I had the worst day ever yesterday. Couldn’t just let the symptoms be. Finally, in the afternoon, I had a panic attack! But the good news is that today I was able this morning to just go about my morning and be under-reactive to my thoughts and feelings. After lunch, though, I started feeling tons of symptoms and it felt like I was going to panic. Instead, I just kept going on and told myself that I could freak myself out over it and cause the panic attack or I could just let myself be. You know what happened? Nothing. No panic attack. I settled back down. Still feeling symptoms, but just letting them be there. Yay! I think that is the first time ever that I showed myself this stuff actually works. I mean, generally, I get by with it, and I believe it works, but I’ve always felt like I was missing something. So this feels so positive! We can do this, people!

  349. Michelle Says:

    Michelle Z , sounds like you faced the fear at its very worst . You must of done it 100 % and not just 99 % as claire weekes says .
    You sound very upbeat and positive about it , well done to you :-) x

  350. Michelle Says:

    Jo , yes get your art stuff downstairs and get tempted to paint again .
    We have to try do the things we use to love , even if it feels like we ar,nt enjoying them , difficult to do but we can do it :-) x

  351. Matt Says:

    Hey Carlie, nice to know you’re getting better! The weirdness is the last thing that left me, as if this feeling of strangeness. I just took a test to get into a program in school and made a high score and was pretty proud of myself as a result. Am I still recovered? Yeah, for the most part. Sometimes the DP comes back but only for a few minutes at a time, so it doesn’t bother me anymore and I could care less about it, which is what got me through the whole process to begin with.

    I know what you mean about feeling trapped, but you have to remember that it’s all a feeling, that it isn’t reality. When I reminded myself of that, it made the process of recovery a lot smoother. The uneasy feeling will pass with time, but you also have to remember that it’s all due to DP/anxiety and it takes time to return to the person you were before. Trust me, it will come to you in time if you learn to not care how you feel on a daily basis. Like I said before, if someone was to mug you would be filled with anxiety and panic until the episode passed and more then likely wouldn’t question your feelings. I mean, you wouldn’t sit there, while being mugged, and question why you have anxiety and panic all of a sudden would you? So it’s just a process that we all can get through if we give ourselves a break and focus on the present. That is what saved my life, good luck to everyone!!!

  352. ginger797 Says:

    hi matt, i was wondering how you’ve been going lately:)

  353. Nicola Says:

    Hi Matt, what you said about not caring how you feel on a daily basis is definitely the key to recovery! I think when you suffer from anxiety you have a tendency to bring it to the forefront of your thoughts everyday, and everything becomes about keeping it at bay, I think you have to live your life as if you don’t have anxiety, as in don’t even think about it and get on with life. Glad to hear you are doing well.

  354. Jo Says:

    Michelle Z – well done on overcoming that horrible day, it’s so good when we can do that isn’t it? x

  355. Debbie Says:

    Paul, hoping you might reply….Have really challenged myself this last week, but feel more wobbly is this normal do you think?
    I feel a bit better energy wise after going to the gym 3 times this week and I’ve been out on my bike nearly every day, this morning I went to Morrisons on my bike and got some shopping, but I can feel my innards quivering, will this disappear in time? I worry that by pushing myself will make me worse x

  356. Jo Says:

    Feeling wobbly too Debbie. Started off ok, then wham, got the dizzies, trembles, fear everything. just trying to let it be again, but I do find that so difficult when I feel so bad. Yesterday was a fairly good day. x

  357. Jo Says:

    Kelly, if you are about – hope you are still improving. x

  358. Michelle Says:

    A good day testerday .Felt my “old self ” peeping through :-)
    I am not shy by nature , but this has made me a bit that way . That inward quivering that debbies spoke of , is this the nerves having to settle down .What i mean is even if the fear feelings lesson , does the body take time to settle , when nerves have been frazzled so much .
    jo i am wobbly today , like you just trying to accept it though ,
    Did you all watch the olympics open ceremony ? thouroughly enjoyed it xx

  359. Jo Says:

    Hi Michelle- no didn’t watch it, not really interested in it and I was asleep by 10pm trying to watch NCIS :)

    I am ashamed to say that Ben has gone shopping on his own, I just couldn’t face it . I will try to get out with Meg later though.

    Got your mail, will reply later. You and your daughter look lovely. x

  360. Michelle Says:

    Jo , snap , my youngest daughter has gone shopping and i was going but couldnt face it either . Now do you know we hav’nt to do ? beat ourselves up or feel a failure for this . I was just doing that , then thought before this nasty thing came along , if i refused to go somewere too tired or just didnt feel like it , then that was ok .
    Yes its a little different now and the reasons why we dont go , but again we must not feel bad about it .We will go another day , like we have before . Give ourselves a break, sometimes i think we are so knd to others , but much to hard on ourselves . I am going with dogs soon , its a lovely day here .
    The appetites bad today , i am going to get myself a smothie machine , i dont get hungry till teatime which is no good .
    You and meg enjoy your walk . Labradors have such a nice temprement . My westies have massive egos and attitude .I am sure when they look in a mirror they see a rottwieler !!!! xx

  361. Jo Says:

    Thanks Michelle, I guess I was needing someone to say that to me. My appetite is so up and down, yesterday I managed cereals for breakfast, and today it was back to complan. Like you I can usually eat at tea time, but I wish I could do it at lunch time instead. Still at least we are eating sometime :)
    Meggie can be a bit sulky if she doesn’t get her own way. Enjoy your walk. x

  362. kelly Says:

    Hello Jo,

    I am still about. I do have a read on here every so often to see how everyone is doing. How are you feeling? I am at a friends an hour from where I live. Me and Theo have come over for a few days. Its been pretty relaxing. There is a beach nearby to here so my friend is thinking of taking us tomorrow if the weather is still nice xxx

  363. Jo Says:

    Hi Kelly, not too bad thanks. Hope you get to the beach tomorrow, you will both enjoy that. Have a nice time with your friend. x

  364. Debbie Says:

    Kelly glad your having a nice few days away at your friends bet you didn’t think you would be a few months back! Good for you long may it last! x

  365. Steff Says:

    Hi guys, not been doing too bad! Just one thing I seem to be getting night time nausea, as soon as I lay in bed I start to feel really sick, does anyone else get this! I have to make myself go to sleep and it’s usually gone by the morning x

  366. Lisa Says:

    Hi everyone,

    I want the overall tone of my post to be positive, so let’s start with that. I was diagnosed with anxiety a little over a year ago and at first, as most you know from experience, it was the worst feeling in the world. I found a person who does CBT who basically says exactly what Paul says, so I was very lucky. I did that for about 6 months and now I don’t even have to go to see her unless I feel like making an appointment. I’m am almost “cured” and most of the time, I just take the anxious feelings with me and don’t really care about them. I just observe them and keep doing what I’m doing. Over time, the anxious feelings happen less and less frequently. During the time I had bad anxiety, I even managed to get a promotion at work (for some reason work is not something that contributes to the unhealthy part of my anxiety). I stumbled on this forum several months ago and read it quite a bit and on my darker days I have drawn strength from other people’s stories. I did post once several months ago. I feel like I know several of you even though we’ve never really communicated because of your openness when you post.

    But here is my current problem. When my anxiety first started, health concerns were a bit part of it. Then it started taking over other areas of my life. The health concerns turned out not to be a big deal just little things that people with anxiety tend to stress over. I have an out of town trip coming up that I have a little anxiety about but I’m doing just fine at letting those feelings from bothering me. I just keep telling myself “yes, you do tend to over think these things”. I observe and let it be and am pretty good at keeping the “what ifs” from taking over. But a few days ago I started getting some lower back pain. It’s actually pretty mild. Luckily, I’m the kind of person who doesn’t suffer too much from aches and pains and because of this I know that I over-analyze these things when they do happen. It’s the health issue coupled with the trip that is making me struggle when it comes to anxiety. I feel like I could handle just one of these things, but the combination is really putting my coping strategies to the test. Mentally, I just keep trying to find the root cause of the back pain. I feel silly even typing this, but I’ve even had weird thoughts that the back pain is caused by undiagnosed late stage cancer! That’s when my dark thoughts take over. The most likely culprit is running which I started doing to help with my anxiety. It has worked. But I just wish I wouldn’t jump to the worst case scenario and I wish I just had an off switch for these kinds of thoughts. During my trip, it would be very difficult if I wanted to see a doctor so I’m freaking out about that. I did see a doctor today who just said to take mild painkillers for the next week or so and come back if it was still bothering me. Have any of you had success with conquering these kinds of recurring health obsessions? I know that I will be ok on my trip. But I really wish I could enjoy the trip without the stupid anxiety being there with me.

  367. ginger797 Says:

    Matt, as there is so any new people on here now as you have came a long way and have been such an inspiration to me on your journey it would be great if you could share your positive story of your journey and how youve came so far today with the new people on here i know id like to hear it:)
    debbie,good on you for keeping up with the gym and cycling:)!youve came so far im so proud of you,and im sure the niggles are just the anxiety trying to still stay around i dont think your pushing youself at all i say keep doing what your doing…

  368. Jo Says:

    Hi Steff – are you thinking a lot before you go to bed ? I have the the vomiting in the mornings when I have been awake ages ‘stewing’. Thankfully it doesn’t last long now but I get it whenever I have felt particularly anxious and fearful. I think it is a release from the adrenaline surge.
    Another reason could be if you are eating too near to going to bed. x

  369. Steff Says:

    Lisa – i could have written your post myself, how strange that is exactly what I am going through at the moment! I had convinced myself I had melanoma as I watched a program on moles and completely freaked myself out! Went and got those checked now there not the problem! Since having my baby 4 months ago I have been suffering with a lower backache and I’ve kinda convinced myself that its cancer :( went to the docs on Friday who has prescribed pain killers (haven’t even taken them yet) now my worry is my armpit (again) I’m not sure if I’m even imagining the pain. I have been to the docs lately more than what I normally go in a year :(
    So I’m living my life normally and taking kids park and doing all the things I would usually do, but I’m thinking about this all of the time, looking at other people and thinking I bet you don’t have cancer! Its just awful :(
    With regards to the trip you are going on I am a bridesmaid next year and the plan is to go abroad for a long weekend the thought of that feels me with dread :( I’m just taking each day as it comes and trying not to think about things to far in advance, but it’s hard!
    Thinking of you as I am feeling exactly as you do now xx

  370. Steff Says:

    I’m thinking a lot all day jo lol! Think I have got myself into a new pattern, night time = nausea time! I sleep fine and wake up ok a bit anxious but not to the point I think I’m going to be sick like of an evening x

  371. Carlie Says:

    Thank you Nicola for your encouraging post. :) Everything you said is so true, and I can relate to fearing another panic attack. I know that fearing it is what will bring on another one, so I’ve actually done pretty well with that. The weird thing is that I’ve probably only ever had one real panic “attack”. The rest has just been extreme anxiety that lasts for an extended period of time, but the panic attack only lasted a few minutes and it was terrifying. I hate that anyone has to go through that.

    I know I’ve talked about this before, but do any other women here have a REALLY hard time around/during their cycle? I mentioned an herbal supplement I was taking, and it’s made a huge difference with that, but I ran out a few weeks ago and probably went about 2 weeks without taking it. …and I’m feeling it now. The worst anxiety I’ve had since last summer when this all really started, I feel nauseous, shaky, you name it. I would much rather just deal with the DP I’ve had for awhile now! I had forgotten how this felt and it’s definitely a horrible feeling. Just wondering if this is a common problem among members here, because at times I feel like I’m going to just pass out or something. I don’t think I’m breathing deeply at times and I feel like I can’t catch my breath. I know it will probably be over soon and I won’t feel quite this anxious, but it’s really difficult to deal with.

  372. Carlie Says:

    Hi Matt! Sorry to post again but I just saw your comment. I’m so glad you’re doing well and congratulations with everything! As you can probably see from my recent posts here, I’m going through a VERY rough patch right now, but hopefully I’ll come out of it soon. The DP has definitely been the thing to linger. The extreme anxiety isn’t an everyday thing (except for right now), so it’s mainly just the DP… which is of course also caused by anxiety, it’s just not as worrisome as it used to be because I know what it is. My goal is to adopt your attitude towards this whole thing because it’s obviously worked! :)

  373. kelly Says:

    Jo and Debbie,

    Thanks. Decided to come home last night, not because of anxiety but for personal reasons. Gutted I did now though because they do the best ice cream ever in the Swansea Gower and really fancying one now! Sods law lol

    We may go swimming today or to the beach although it is a good hour away from us. I had a nice surprise yesterday when I got in though, had a letter off the university 😀 xxx

  374. Michelle Says:

    Its so quiete on here today , hope thats a sign that everyone is doing well :-) x

  375. Jo Says:

    Hi Michelle, it does go quiet on a sunday, I’ve noticed that. had a bit of a wobbly start but settling now. Ben’s washing up, then we’ll take Meggie to the beach. x

  376. Lisa Says:

    Hi Steff,

    Thanks for sharing that because it makes me feel better. I actually could have written your post too! In fact, a scare involving a mole may have been what started my anxiety in the first place. Several years ago, I started thinking about my relative risk for melanoma. At that point, I think my thoughts about it were healthy. I had sunburns as a kid and I’m fair-skinned and I have a lot of moles. I’m in my 30’s and I had never really thought too seriously about it. I went to a doctor and asked. She looked at my arms, discussed how to tell if things were serious, etc. After I left the doctor’s office though, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I started looking at things that the doctor thought were normal and second guessing. A few months later, I saw another doctor about one on my shoulder that I was worried about, and she said it was nothing, but the she looked at my back, something that the other doctor didn’t do, and she said “you need to have this one removed right away”. There was one that I couldn’t really see that was really weird looking and had all of the markers of melonoma. Obviously I freaked out. It was removed and was called “severely atypical”, but fortunately it wasn’t cancerous. Whenever I see anything on TV on in newspapers about moles, I can’t even read it!

    When I told my CBT therapist about this, she said that now I feel like I rewarded my anxiety, meaning that I obsessed over something and I was right about it and it paid off. I can think of another example about something far less serious where a similar thing happened, so I’ve done it twice! So now, even when I’m told something by a doctor, I tend to second guess it. I know that isn’t healthy and that in almost every case the doctor has a lot better sense than me about what is most likely going on, especially since I always jump to the worst possible conclusion.

    But on a positive note, even though I spent way too much time yesterday over-thinking my trip, worrying about every little feeling I had, today as I’m getting ready to leave, I really don’t feel that bad. I’m somewhat excited about the trip. That’s the way it usually happens to us I guess. We spend too much time pre-thinking about what something will be like (usually how terrible it will be!) but when things actually happen, they just happen like normal. I’m sure when you take your trip abroad, it will be the same way. I think we are a lot better with dealing with things, even problems, in the moment than we give ourselves credit for. When we think about the future, we are powerless because we can’t do anything about it. No matter how many times we ask the what-ifs, it never gets any better because we can’t do anything about what-ifs. If something bad actually happened, even something having to do with health, at least we would be able to start fixing/curing/managing it. Our thoughts would have something real to focus on. But wondering makes us feel powerless. That’s why it’s important for us to try to be in the moment (even if those stupid thoughts don’t go away when we tell them to) and to try to engage with the real world as much as possible.

  377. Brian Says:

    Hey guys,

    I posted about a week ago, w’s hoping to get feedback on self defeatin thoughts and anxiety. My thoughts seek to tear down things im strong at, and I was wondering of anybody had gone through this . Any help would be awesome

  378. Elle Says:

    I’m new to the blog, but I have been reading most the post. Today I finally decided to post something. About a couple of weeks ago I over worked out my body at the gym and lost my breathe and almost passed out. I work out to help with my anxiety but since this scare at the gym I haven’t worked out since. My anxiety is at its worse. Driving home from the gym I was fine however the following day I had an anxiety attack while driving but I didn’t even realize it. I thought it had something to do with my health because of the gym scare. It’s been about a month and I haven’t gone out all summer for fear that I may stop breathing and actually pass out in public. I recently started driving around the neighborhood to get comfortable with driving again because I fear having another anxiety attack while driving. Im a teacher so I’m out for the summer but in a couple of weeks I have to go back to work and I’ll have 24 students to teach. I’m worried that my anxiety will interfere withb my job… Does anyone have advice? I have accepted my feeling but when it comes to public places my anxiety tends to creep out and effect me.

  379. ginger797 Says:

    Carlie, i was getting alot better but for the past week or so id had alot of anxiety and started to come on here again alot in the past few days i was wondering why my anxiety started to be extreme again last night was the worst id felt in a long time and was sitting there letting the thorghts get to me id also felt really dizzy in the last few days and felt like i could cry and was a bit scared i just hate that feeling! well i get up this morning and ive got that time of the month so to me that explains why id been feeling like this:/ and this is the second time this month ive got them but funny enough i didnt have any problem with it last time……can i ask what the herbal tea is called i might give it a try:)

  380. Nicola Says:

    Hi Carlie, my anxiety gets a lot worse around 7 days before my period is due. This has improved since I started taking anti depressants for my PND xx

  381. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Just to remind people if they want a chat ‘Off topic’ then the coffee lounge is always open and I often pop in for a biscuit and a cup of tea :-)

    Here is the link if anyone wants to put it in their favourites

    Come and introuduce yourself and have a chin wag, there is only one rule and that is that there is no anxiety chat.

  382. Jo Says:

    Hi Brian, sorry you got missed, it does happen sometimes but it’s not deliberate. I have those self defeating thoughts too but that’s what anxiety does. It robs us of everything we are, self confidence, personality strength etc. I don’t know what to tell you because I’m not very good at the acceptance part, you just have to try to let the thoughts come but not give them any importance, let them have their say but don’t make them into the enemy. They are just thoughts, your mind playing tricks on you.

  383. Michelle Says:

    Going shopping with my daughter today . The nasty anxiety is shouting at me , dont go , something dreadfull will happen .But im going , threats or no threats . What a bully !!
    Jo , isnt it lovely meggie has the beach walks , my westies would love it .We are just off to the fields now. Did not feel up to the shopping the other day jo , but im going today .
    Hope you all have a nice day xx

  384. Debbie Says:

    Brian Jo is right they are only thoughts the more attention you give them the stronger they get, we all know how hard it is to accept I to find it really hard cos in your head your trying to work out why your having these thoughts and feelings, which in turn just makes it worse as your feeding them and that’s what anxiety wants, so as we often say on here accept and float!!

    I’ve been having a fairly good week still doing the gym went 3 times last week and it’s right what people say it does make you feel good, I even enjoy it! (Never thought I would say that!).
    I still have that feeling of my innards vibrating but I’m getting on with things it’s hard not to focus on it tho, having my meds lowered has helped loads I don’t have constant headaches and that heavy head feeling anymore and the blurred vision isnt half as bad so that makes me feel better and able to get on and do things and even enjoy the day x

  385. Debbie Says:

    Michelle you go girl don’t let the anxiety monster win! x

  386. Jo Says:

    Debbie it is so good to hear you sounding so positive and well. When I first came on here you were at a very low point weren’t you? You are inspiring us now. x

    Michelle, good on you for going shopping, that’s the way if you can manage it. We have the dreaded Tesco to do, and I don’t really feel like it, but like you I am going anyway. Also got to go to town later to the PO, no point going yet there will be a huge queue till later this afternoon.
    Oh Yes Meggie loves the beach especially the afternoon paddle time :) x

  387. edsi Says:

    Hi rookim,

    I am also from PH. Can I get your cellnumber so that I can aks some help.

  388. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Michelle Says:

    July 30th, 2012 at 8:48 am
    Going shopping with my daughter today . The nasty anxiety is shouting at me , dont go , something dreadfull will happen .But im going , threats or no threats . What a bully !!

    Well done Michelle, great attitude and yes it try’s to bully you, but don’t listen to it’s pointless voice, just shout louder :-)

  389. Jayneymy Says:

    Hi everyone, I also suffer from health anxiety, although I sometimes have a hard time believing that this is what I have, as it’s much easier to assume I have the dreadful illnesses that are going roybd in my head! I just wanted to say thank you for making me realise that I’m not the only one who
    Constantly feels like I have a dreadful illness. I can particularly relate to steff, as I often worry I will die and leave my children behind. And also to you Lisa, as I once had a worry that came true, so from then on I always assume that anything is possible! I’m so glad that others feel like I do, makes me feel less alone x

  390. Jo Says:

    Got back from Tesco alive and well, just had the usual symptoms, but let them be there. I feel good when I can do that but why is it sometimes the fear gets the better of me? Why can’t I do it all the time? For me it’s the fear and the ‘unreal’ feelings that are the worst. x

  391. Jayneymy Says:

    Hi Jo, I used to suffer from feelings unreality as was convinced I was going crazy! Then when I read the book and Paul explained it was d.p the fear was immediately taken out of the symptom for me. I stopped worrying about it and it just seemed to disappear! Wheni do feel unreal when I’m out and about I embrace it! I believe that it is my bodies clever way of giving my mind a rest when I’ve been worrying too much about something. Its my body letting my mind have a little break from the world! I just let it be there, carry on shopping, and before I know it, it’s gone x

  392. Will Says:

    Hi everyone, just thought I’d talk about another long-running fear of mine which occasionally bothers me.
    There was somebody on here a while back who spoke of having fears of being gay and was having thoughts that made him question his sexuality and even looking at men sparked his anxiety. I have a very similar experience, except this time it’s the fear of becoming a pervert or paedophile when I’m older. Let me just make it perfectly clear that I’m NOT attracted to, shall we say, “younger girls”, but everytime i see one it sparks this anxious reaction and because of my questioning thoughts I sometimes misinterpret this reaction and get frightened. Like with crazy people, I always find myself wondering how people like that got to be the way they are today, and as such I’m scared that I’ll become like that (as I’m only 20 but I fear becoming one of them once I reach 40 or something). Of course these are just anxiety reacting to the same thought, but does anyone else ever get similar thoughts to this?

  393. Jo Says:

    Hi Janyneymy, thanks for your reply. I know I should do that and I try to but I just hate the feeling so much, it is difficult to do. I had it really bad in 204, to the point I thought I was dead, and now of course it is dogging me. x

  394. Will Says:

    I forgot to mention: When I’m out and about, it’s as if little girls “stand out” to me now because of my fear of becoming a pervert. But I HAVE had this exact same thought process before, as other silly stuff used to stand out because of my anxiety. I don’t understand it, it’s as if my anxiety notices something barely even trivial in the world and magnifies it in my mind to be something noteworthy. Then it just sticks for ages.

  395. Jo Says:

    Hi Will, my fear is of going senile or something, but I think this has been sparked off by seeing my Mum go downhill in the last months of her life, because she was a strong person. My other fear is my dreams, I have such weird ones. I actually murdered someone once (in a dream) and it was horrible. I think anxiety latches onto anything, and we all have irrational fears, I don’t know why.
    Possibly you are so repulsed by perverts and paedophiles that this is the fear your anxiety is latching on to, and magnifying. Again it’s just mind tricks.

  396. Will Says:

    Hi Jo, I can imagine why that would frighten you. It’s the fear of losing control of your mind. You want to still think and be in control. I think that too, that’s why I’ve never been drunk! 😛
    That might be it. I’m just scared that because I seem to “notice” young girls now thanks to the fear, I’m afraid of becoming, or afraid that I have become, attracted to them. And because of the anxious reaction I get when I see them, my mind seems to mistake it for just that.

  397. Jo Says:

    Will, I think you are attaching something sinister to a perfectly normal feeling. Children of both sexes can be very sweet and appealing and there is nothing wrong with acknowledging that. It’s the urge to do something harmful to them (which I’m sure you don’t have) that is wrong. I often think, ‘she’s a sweetheart’ or ‘he’s going to be a heart breaker when he grows up’ and it’s just acknowledging the fact. Beauty is all around us in all forms, and just because you can appreciate it doesn’t mean you are going to turn into some kind of monster :)

  398. Jo Says:

    Just been to Town with James, and although I felt a bit weird I stuck with it, even bought myself some flip flops. Felt a bit wobbly now though, but I think I need food. As Claire Weeks says ‘the engine is knocking for want of fuel’.

  399. Debbie Says:

    Will, I think if your trying to work out why your having these thoughts your actually making them into something they’re not, it’s back to the old accepting again isn’t it? Letting the thought be there and letting it go, easier said than done but when you have the thought quickly put your attention onto something else, dont make a big thing of it though, I’m sure you will have to do it over and over then hopefully these unreal thoughts will disappear, sadly it doesn’t happen quickly, trouble is the thoughts feel so real so it’s only natural you spend time working out the whys and ifs, which is only making it worse, the anxiety has won, so don’t give it the time of day, it’s not the real you so brush it aside and get on with other things!

  400. Will Says:

    Debbie, that’s exactly it: I’m wondering WHY I have the thoughts and I think “oh it must mean this or it must mean that”. It’s an easy trap to fall into, but I know that it’s just anxiety. Because sometimes the thought doesn’t even appear until a while later, it’s as if when faced with the anxious situation my mind searches for and picks out the related anxious thought. The reaction isn’t always immediate, it’s as if my mind goes “oh wait a minute, I’m suppoed to be anxious about this aren’t I?” So yeah, it’s automatic but I just need to let it be and carry on.

    Jo, you’re right, I know I wouldn’t actually DO anything. Far from it. It IS just the thoughts that are making me fear that I’ll become something I know deep down I’m not. I think I just question stuff like that too much, which is why I hate coming across news articles or reports about that kind of thing; I keep wondering “I wonder how that came about?” and scare myself into thinking that it’s entirely possible.
    And yes, I think I’m merely acknowledging and nothing else, but our old friend anxiety has to twist the thought into something else. Like Debbie said, I’ll just have to get on and let the thoughts be.

  401. Jo Says:

    Will, anxiety sufferers seem to question EVERYTHING ! That’s our problem, too much thinking and analysing.
    I can’t believe how many things I can’t bear to watch or read about now, even films (disaster movies etc) I used to love make me curl up . Last weekend I even had to switch Primeval off because it was too ‘dark’ for me, and I think that’s a children’s programme!

  402. Diane Says:

    Hi all can anyone else relate to this? I have been doing fine but over the past couple of weeks, I have had a sensation in my upper that has spread to my chest and rib cage and back, its like a cramp tingle thing and can feel a nausea, ofcourse my anxiety has crept in thinking all sorts, from a trapped nerve to heart or lungs problem, it gets worse at night and my hyper awareness might be making me focus in more.

    I am getting a doctors appointment tomorrow but just wondered if anyone else has experienced anything similar?

    this website and Pauls book has helped me get back on track and I am trying not to enter the viscious anxiety cycl,

    thank you taking time to read or comment on this Diane x

  403. Diane Says:

    Hi all can anyone else relate to this? I have been doing fine but over the past couple of weeks, I have had a sensation in my upper that has spread to my chest and rib cage and back, its like a cramp tingle thing and can feel a nausea, ofcourse my anxiety has crept in thinking all sorts, from a trapped nerve to heart or lungs problem, it gets worse at night and my hyper awareness might be making me focus in more.

    I am getting a doctors appointment tomorrow but just wondered if anyone else has experienced anything similar?

    this website and Pauls book has helped me get back on track and I am trying not to enter the viscious anxiety cycle,

    thank you taking time to read or comment on this Diane x

  404. Jo Says:

    Diane, that sounds very much like what I suffer, in the mornings mostly when I wake early.I have always put it down to anxiety/fear and it often ends in a vomiting session for me. I get it at odd times during the day too,and to me it feels like something is squeezing my heart, and my muscles across my chest and down my arms seem to tingle. I think it is just another adrenaline by product. Always best to get checked by a doctor though, if nothing else it will ease your fears of it being something more serious. x

  405. Will Says:

    Jo – So true! I can’t just settle with something trivial, my brain has to take it in, then pick it apart and spew all kinds of daft thought processes and scenarios.
    That’s also true about not being able to bear certain things now. Whilst needles never bothered me before, for some reason they do now. I haven’t had one in years, but now I have to turn away when I see one on TV or the like.

  406. Jo Says:

    That’s what happens to me in the early morning Will. I’m ok for a while then my brain starts to conjure up allsorts of scary thoughts and ‘visions’ until the fear sometimes becomes unbearable. It’s crazy isn’t it, because it’s our own thoughts in our own minds that we have having a contest with :)

  407. Will Says:

    Jo, it is indeed. I’ve never become overwhelmed by fear at my own thoughts, but sometimes I have a small spurt of panic accompanied by a very vague feeling of being “trapped” for a small while, it’s strange. Like I don’t know what to do with myself.

  408. Jo Says:

    Yes Will, I know those feelings only too well.

  409. Michelle Says:

    Had a nice day shopping , hit a wobbler when i set off driving , felt very panicky .The good news is , it had gone in two minutes flat :-)
    So the lesson is … dont let 2 minutes of silly old nerves ruin things xx

  410. Michelle Says:

    Debbie , what a lovely change in you , off to the gym you go . It will give you confidence , help you sleep and the lot xx
    Says she with the membership that has not been for at least two month ?? Going to go tommorow for sure x

  411. Michelle Says:

    Jo , you went to town as well today . Yes im sure sometimes we get funny feelings with being hungry , who wouldnt ? I also think a lot of the time when we are doing things , there can be a saddness to it when we remember how easy things use to be .I am sure this will disapear into the background though as we continue on our recovery road . :-)

    You have done some lovely posts to reassure people today jo .
    Will ive had all the frightening thoughts , do not fear them its the bully again who will eventually turn to dust for us xx
    All have a nice evening .

  412. Michelle Says:

    Will , the frightening thoughts were the complete oppositive of the “true me” which of course makes sense , they obviously would be , if they try and frighten us . I use to think i would graduate to somethig higher and worse with anxiety . No place exists .

  413. Will Says:

    Michelle – thank you, these are particularly worrying thoughts for me. As I said before, spending your time questioning these thoughts and wondering WHY you’re having them is an easy trap to fall into, and these thoughts are no exception. I need to let them be and just get on with my life. It’s often on days where I’m stuck in the house with nothing to do that the thoughts are back.
    By the way, well done for today. You showed that only two minutes of panic didn’t hold you back, you shrugged it off and carried on. :)

  414. Michelle Says:

    Will , thats when they hit me too , alone in the house with not much distraction . We have to adopt the “couldnt care less ” blase attitude to them . Dont care if they come or not . This is difficult and takes time doesnt it ?
    But it also works and gets easier to do :-)
    I try and think “oh yes whatever ” this felt very faulse to do , but easier now .
    Hits me when im tired as well . I use to be scared of knifes , never feel like this anymore thankfully , and have even watched a few horror films lately .
    Carry on not caring will , and away they will go .

  415. Jo Says:

    Michelle – well done, you are really making progress. That is the best attitude alright.
    Yes I survived the town. I even went into Wilkos on my own, for five minutes.I was thinking ‘why do I feel weird doing this?’ but of course nothing bad happened, and I’m fine again now. x

  416. Brian Says:


    Thanks for your response, its really nice knowing that other people experience the same feelings. I used to be a professional athlete, and i dealt with a lot of performance anxiety. Now that i’m retired, i feel like the anxiety has tried to channel itself into daily life. I used to doubt how good of a player I would be, now I doubt what type of person I’m capable of being. For me, its just tremendously frustrating because i know without these thoughts and fears, life would feel so easy and joyful. Its not that im not pushing through because I am, its just that anxiety makes each day a ‘grind’ when it so doesnt have to be. Its the frustration of anxiety that keeps me caught up. I feel anxiety/pressure to just be me! (what hte heck lol, makes no sense!) With that said, im going to continue to live my life as if i never had it. For me its the only way.

  417. Jo Says:

    Brian, why don’t you pop across to the coffee lounge and just chat. No anxiety talk over there, just chit chat. It helps to be away from the subject for a few moments.

  418. ginger797 Says:

    michelle i love your posts so positive:):):) and i too have been going back to the gym over the last few days and feel fantastic for doing so i guess ive had alot of adrenalin built up lately

  419. Nicola Says:

    Hi Will, I think these kind of thoughts are quite common among anxiety sufferers, I know I’ve had them but I was lucky they never took hold as I recognised them as anxiety. There was this guy on telly once who did something so he’d be locked up in jail just because he was so scared he was going to hurt old people, he obviously suffered anxiety. You’ve latched onto a thought that is abhorrent to you, and begun to fear that you may adopt behaviours that repulse you – very anxiety!!
    The knives one I’ve heard many many times and I’ve had it myself, I remember I was holding a hammer once and suddenly felt like I needed to put it down in case I bashed someone with it. I think many of these fears are rooted in the idea of losing control of yourself and worrying you’ll do things you don’t want to do.
    I personally suffer with existential anxiety, but have pretty much covered everything in my time as an anxiety sufferer. My thoughts are sometimes so trippy I’m too embarrassed to even tell people what they are. One thing I have recognised is that it is ALL anxiety. I can take a thought, and when I’m anxious it will scare me rigid, when I’m not feeling anxious it won’t scare me at all, it’s not the thought that is scary, it’s the state of mind you are experiencing it with.

  420. ginger797 Says:

    WILL, i too have been having some obsessive thorghts in the last couple of days again so i just went back to one of pauls posts on this subject that ive never read before and i seen one post replying to some one else’s question about the thorghts and i thorght you mightget some help from it so ive posted it below but you could always go back to the posts yourrself:)

    Claire the mistake you are making is you are judging your whole day and mood on if you think like this or not. Please take in the advice above, if you are new to the site or blog, do read through everything on here and trying get a better understanding. Don’t be fooled into thinking these thoughts are real. Why do you have anxious thoughts? Well because you have anxiety, no other reason. Just for one day just don’t care how you think, let them blabber on no matter how scary they maybe and they may just lose a bit of power, it is all the respect and guilt you are having that keeps them at the fore front of your day. Don’t fall into the trap of trying not to think this way and certainly don’t feel guilty that you do, as you see above many people do also, they will fade in time, if you allow them to be there. The more respect you give a symptom, the more of a problem it becomes, so take that power away and just have a ‘whatever’ attitude to them and just see it as anxiety playing its tricks, that truly is all it is. I am living proof, I have no scary, racing thoughts at all now, at one time I was plauged by them, I truly was as bad as they came on the anxiety scale. I was so bad I had to give up work, why? Because I understood nothing and spent all my days worrying and obsessing about how I felt, I spent everyday trying to work it all out, everyday trying to do something about, everything that just sent me deeper into the condition. The reason I set this site up is because I learnt as much as I could on the subject, helped myself to recover, stuided the subject as much as I could beyond this, so I could help people to not have to go through what I did because of a lack of information.

  421. ginger797 Says:

    WILL i just scrolled down the page more and noticed a post by a man called ben and what he says is what you need to hear so ive pasted it below for you..just reading it helped me alot:):) some very wise words:)

    After a nasty bout of anxiety last year (after three years of being fine) I found Paul’s ebook a perceptive, sensible approach to coping with it. I have certainly cracked a few smiles of recognition reading over the last few posts, because pretty much everything mentioned has gone through my mind at some point. So I thought I would add my two pence and I hope it helps people.

    Claire – I have had exactly the same thoughts about my relationship with my girlfriend, worrying about hurting her at some point in the future etc. I find myself constructing scenarios that have not even happened yet, and then worrying about them endlessly; which when you look at it rationally, is absurd. She might meet someone else and I will be the one hurt.

    Regarding thoughts of hurting the self and others, think of it this way; writers, filmmakers etc who create works of art about disturbing subjects and containing disturbing acts, must also entertain these kind of thoughts in order to create the characters who commit them; the same goes for actors who play these characters in films. I think everbody has these kind of thoughts. It doesn’t mean you are going to act on them. To do so you would have to be sick or mad, and anxiety sufferers are neither. In fact, I think that anxiety is in some ways the polar opposite of madness, as it is a state of intense and heightened self-awareness. People who have something very wrong with them invariably do not see it that way. It took me a while to notice that although severe anxiety is very unpleasant, its intensity only ever reaches a certain level; in my experience, it is the duration of the episodes which reflect their severity.

    The key for me is remembering that your thoughts do not constitute who you are, and that your mind is a tool, a mechanism just like other organs in your body, The complications arise from the fact that it is so complex compared to the other organs that we do not fully understand its workings, and probably never will. The real ‘you’ is the consciousness behind those thoughts, the unnamed thing that organises and differentiates between them. Meditation is something that is really helping me understand this.

    Additionally I think one of the major problems faced by everybody these days is the fact that media, in particular advertising, constantly project onto you this idea of an idyllic existence in which you reach a plateau of contentment and bliss. When this life of consummate ease is never attained, it is easy to think that one is somehow deficient. I think that the idea that you are supposed to be happy and relaxed all the time is a fallacy created by people who want to make you believe that they can sell you this state of mind. I bring this up because I think it plays a major role in creating all sorts of feelings of guilt and inadequacy if you pay too much attention to it, and contributes greatly to the onset of anxiety; it certainly did in my case.

    Einstein said that the solution to any problem will NEVER be found on the same level as the problem itself. Therefore, you will not be able to think and analyse your way out of a problem that exists in your mind. I find that whenever I start getting anxious these days, if the circumstances prevent me from meditating, I look around myself and try to percieve myself connected to everything around me; the people near me, the ground I am standing on, the trees, the sky; I try and think of myself as a part of the world around me rather than an entity solely experiencing existence from inside my head looking out. I think that everything is connected in some way we cannot understand, and this is the concept helps me break out of preoccupation with my own mental life, which is what brings on anxiety in the first place. I think this is something you have to practice; I am getting to the point now where I will have two or three moments a day where I start feeling a degree of disquiet, but they don’t really ever last more than about half an hour. The issue is not whether you get these episodes but how you deal with them, I think.

    I know I got a bit existential on the last paragraph, but that is what is helping me at the moment…. hope it can help others!!

    best wishes….

  422. Jo Says:

    Nicola, great post and well said. x

  423. Doreen Says:

    Need a bit of support just now. I am feeling physically rotten. I had gall bladder surgery a couple of months ago and hoped that would settle my digestive problems. However, it hasn’t and in fact I feel worse than ever. As some of you know my capacity for getting away from anxiety is good and greatly helped by being active and engaged. But this is very hard when one feels sick all the time and although I am not frightened that there is anything seriously wrong with me I am fed up with feeling ill. It makes me low rather than anxious. To crown it all the first appointment I can have with a specialist is October 3rd. So I am having a moan on here – sorry folks.

  424. Jo Says:

    Hi Doreen, sorry to hear you are feeling so bad. Don’t appologise for unloading your feelings. I know how you feel, as I feel the same with the anxiety symptoms, I am fed up of feeling this way. It’s hard when you have to wait so long to see someone, but could you see your doctor and tell him how bad you are feeling, perhaps he could help. xx

  425. kelly Says:

    Ginger 797,

    Just wanted to say brilliant post you wrote this morning :-)

  426. Will Says:

    Nicola – great post, and thanks for replying. Just like that guy on TV, I also worry that I’m going to become an out-of-control monster of some type because of the thoughts I have. Killing someone in particular, because on TV you hear about these people who were “driven to the edge” and murdered someone. I myself am easily irritated, but I know deep down that I would never be violent. I think “what if I AM like that, but I don’t know it yet?” and yeah, it gets annoying sometimes but in the end it’s just another “what if”.
    That’s also so true about it all depending on your state of mind. Something I learned a while ago was that “you cannot be physically relaxed and mentally tense”, and after doing relaxation exercises, this is completely true.

    Ginger – thank you for that post, it really put a few things into perspective for me. The media also has false impressions of insanity and the mentally disturbed which doesn’t really help matters.
    It’s true what the post said about not being your thoughts. This quote from Andre Breton, writer of the Surrealist Manifesto, reminds me that we can have strange spontaneous thoughts for no reason:

    “One night, before falling asleep, I became aware of a most bizarre sentence, clearly articulated to the point where it was impossible to change a word of it, but still separate from the sound of any voice. It came to me bearing no trace of the events with which I was involved at that time, at least to my conscious knowledge. It seemed to me a highly insistent sentence – a sentence, I might say, which knocked at the window. I quickly took note of it and was prepared to disregard it when something about its whole character held me back. The sentence truly astounded me. Unfortunately I still cannot remember the exact words to this day, but it was something like: ‘A man is cut in half by the window’.”

    All I can say really is thank god for this page and for all of you, I’m glad I stumbled upon it last year when I was at the worst I’ve been in a long, long time. If it wasn’t for this page, I dread to think how I would have coped (or not) with the horrible thoughts I was having at the time.

  427. Jo Says:

    Paul – I know in the early days you were offered medication, but did you get out of your anxiety without any at all? And what do you think about the serotonin issue. You see I really don’t want to take anti depressants but when I was really ill before my doctor said I wouldn’t get well without them, that it was a fall in serotonin that cause the problem. I was at that time diagnosed with depression, which I now believe was actually a nervous breakdown. I fear the side effects of medication, and I think this is what is causing a lot of my anxiety, I fear even the thought of taking them. But I am thinking if it is a serotonin problem then I am never going to be well again. Please can you give your opinion, thanks.

  428. kelly Says:


    Hope you don’t mind me posting a reply. I remember reading Paul was on medication but he came off it and gradually got better without it when he developed a true understanding of what was going on. I think it is one of those situations where medication will help some but not others. Maybe just outweigh the benefits and the risks? If you think it might give you a kickstart into getting on the right track it might be worth taking despite the side effects. I think it is really down to personal choice. My experience with them was that I felt the same on them than I did without them so taking them was pointless for me xxx

  429. Michelle Says:

    Jo , the first time i went to the doctors was two days after i collapsed at work and the panic attack , twice it was said to me was i sure i wasnt a drinker , remember i am tea total . After seeing her a few times i asked to see a different one .
    He is a doctor i know , he told me i would never get over this without medication . I told him the things i were doing to help myself , he was adamant the serotin levels had been distubed and only medication can help . Handed me the prescription , i said i wont cash it and am too frightened to take it .He rung me 4 weeks later i answered the phone not knowing who it was .He commented how much brighter i sounded and the tablets must be helping , i then told him i had not took them , my mood had lifted becuse i wasnt as anxiuos .
    A so called friend said to me you cannot be that bad if you arnt taking ads ,
    (me who dare not go to the dustbin or even have a shower ) I was then sure that i should start taking them and felt pressure to . I never did though because i was simply petrified to take one .
    Oh the googling i did ??? which of course made everything worse. Even now jo on my realy fed up days , the doubting thomas says , i realy need medication and im doing myself no favours , but then a better day comes :-)
    You will decide what to do best jo , but this is just what happened to me , and my mood has improved i just didnt want to risk taking them yet another thing that frightened me and now i think ive got this far without them .My mood was so positive yesterday this always happens when ive gone somewere and it has gone well , when ive stood up to the bully .Now today i will struggle a bit with staying in and a little tired from yesterday , I know the depression feels horrid jo , but cannot help but think the anxiety causes most of it , being in a frightened state so much , also we have a lot of memory going on with this and of coure we are bount to pity ourselves . Its strange jo , somedays we feel so close to recovery and yet so far away .I think if we could only realise this stuff cannot hurt us our moods would gradually lift xxx

  430. Michelle Says:

    Dear freinds , my goodness that was a long post , didnt i go on ?? :-)

  431. Michelle Says:

    Kelly , just read your posts , well said it is definetly personal choice . xx

  432. Michelle Says:

    Hi Jo – I know you wrote specifically to Paul about the medication issue, but I thought I’d throw my two cents in as well. You have to do whatever you feel is best for you, but I did overcome depression about 1-1/2 years ago following Paul’s method. It wasn’t easy and I had some awful days, but by just allowing it to be there and not letting it scare me and getting on with my life, it eventually went away. Exercise really helps. Not just a casual walk, but getting your heart rate up. Even just 30 minutes as many days a week as you can. That will help the depression and the anxiety. I was always like you and afraid of other side affects from medication, but believed deep down I could overcome it and I did.

    I’ve been struggling a bit again recently because of some real health issue, as well as my son’s drug addiction. In fact, I had some new physcial symptom yesterday morning, but it went away and overall I had a good day. Slept well last night, too! But then I get up this morning and my vision has been bothering me…everything is blurry, lights are too bright, etc. And I have been doing the wrong things, i.e. what if’ing … what if it’s from the BP meds I’m on, what if it’s some other ailment, what if I pass out, maybe I should go to the doctor, and on and on. So I realized I have to get back that whatever attitude and get on with my day. I do believe deep down that if I follow this method, I can overcome it all…and you will, too! xx

  433. kelly Says:


    What a great and supportive reply you wrote to Jo. She is a brilliant woman and deserves every bit of help she gets on here. I honestly think meds are a bit hit and miss, they work for some but not for others. How are you feeling today? Xx

  434. Jo Says:

    Hi Kelly and Michelle and Michelle, thank you all for your kind replies to my question and of course I don’t mind. I know you are all right and it has to be my choice, but I keep worrying that when I see the person from the Mental Health team at the end of this month, they will want me to go on the anti depressants again, which I really don’t want to do. I don’t think I have depression now, and I probably didn’t then, but didn’t know any better. I want to get through this without medication if I can, I just need this turmoil in my head sorting out :) x

  435. Jo Says:

    Kelly, thank you for your kind comment there. Everyone who contributes here to help others are the best, and I know I can always rely on support from you all. I can’t tell you how much it means to me to have that support. x

  436. kelly Says:


    If we can make you feel any better we will certainly try and we are always here for you, you know that :-) They can’t badger you into taking meds, if you don’t want to take them you don’t have to. Besides I KNOW you are strong enough to do this without them :-) xxx

  437. Lisa Says:

    Jo, regarding medication – and I’m certainly not a doctor – I have the same issues with fearing taking medication. I don’t have depression, just anxiety. But the thing that terrified me about taking anxiety meds and is that they don’t cure the problem at all. They don’t even claim to. You have to take them every day to feel a little better, but the days themselves don’t change, so you start taking them everyday just not to feel horrible. I do have a prescription for Xanax, but I have only taken it twice in the past year. Once I took it just to see how it would make me feel and it made me sleepy. Once I took it because I was really jetlagged but I couldn’t fall asleep. It worked, but it made me feel really groggy. I’m really happy that I didn’t start taking it daily. I am on my way toward being recovered from the anxiety. I do still keep my pill bottle with me, just in case. It’s a kind of crutch. If I’m going for a long hike, I just put it in my backpack just in case something happens.

    But, regarding serotonin levels, that might not be something that you can raise all by yourself. Again, I’m not a doctor. But it the medication was something temporary to get those levels up and you could taper off, maybe that would be more acceptable? Personally, I would feel comfortable taking a medication for a short period of time to observe the effect, but I would need to think very seriously if was a medication that I would be on for the rest of my life.

  438. Nicola Says:

    Hi Jo, I am taking anti depressants, but only after a year and a half of battling anxiety and PND on my own, I regret battling it alone for that long, I think I did myself more harm than good, I have been somewhat traumatised by the amount of negative emotion I pushed myself through for so long, to the point where I no longer remembered what a good emotion felt like, or who I was before this happened. In the end I had to try the antidepressants for the sake of my child. I needed to feel reconnected with life and by the time I finally gave in I was scared of everything, and hugely depressed, wouldn’t get up and didn’t care about anything anymore. Wanted to die to be honest. I was very anti med to begin with, and terrified to take anything, but in the end I simply had no choice. Don’t feel bad whatever decision you make. In the end it was the right one for me, the anxiety and depression lifted so much. I’m inclined to think, despite what some people say that there is such a thing as chemical imbalance. Read Dr Amen’s Change Your Brain, Change Your Life for some good research xx

  439. Nicola Says:

    I would also like to say that when you are experiencing anxiety, the primal fight or flight part of your brain in effect high jacks the logical part of your brain, it’s a defence mechanism, your brain thinks in that moment that you are in danger, the only thing you need to be able to do is fight, flight or freeze, hence why we have such difficulty reasoning with bizarre or illogical thoughts. It becomes a vicious cycle as your brain then links a thought to a danger, your thoughts have become dangerous – how ridiculous! Have you ever noticed when you have a panic attack that you automatically want to get up and move, that’s because the danger alarm has been sounded and your body and brain thinks you need to be ready for some physical action. For those people that feel like they are going crazy, it’s really just that the logical part of the brain, when you are suffering anxiety, is not working at it’s full capacity.

  440. Doreen Says:

    Hi Jo – I am coming at this from a slightly different angle. I suggest that it would be much less difficult for you to make the decision regarding medication if you were not so afraid of the medication and so in that sense your anxiety is the problem, not the medication itself. I am not saying that you should (or shouldn’t) take it, but that your capacity to make this decision is impaired by the anxiety. I think you have made tablets one of your ‘bogey men’. I also think that if you have a supportive health worker who didn’t push you either way, again you would be making a decision for yourself. You say yourself that you are fearful of the side effects. Were they so very bad last time?
    As you know I am not one for saying that it is strong to manage without drugs. I think that is another pressure you could do without.

  441. Michelle Says:

    I want to go to the dentist for clean and check up . Now bare in mind i have never been afraid of dentist before , and yes if i was having pain i would have to go no choice .
    My dentist lives across the road from me and i know him well , which helps and also doesnt help in a way . I did visit him a couple oy years ago when i was at my very worst , had to have two crowns fitted . What a carry on that was , he had to do it while the chair was upright , soon as he reclined it i felt so panicky . I have gone to him for years and he said “michelle what on earth has happened to you ”
    I have never been frightened of needles ect , im frightened of how i will manage trapped in the chair , also feel very embaressed if i give a star performance !!
    Have any of you managed a tricky one like this ?
    Just reading what i have written confirms i am still frightened of panic feelings , even though i am improving . I have blumming trained myself into being afraid , and got several ” O LEVELS ” in it . xx

  442. Michelle Says:

    Also i had to take 4mg of valium , to get to the dentist , but that was two years ago . x

  443. Jo Says:

    Lisa, Nicola, and Doreen. Thank you so much for your input. Medication of any kind seems to have an adverse effect on me, I don’t know why. I can’t even drink alcohol, even a small amount puts me to sleep! If I got as ill as I was last time I would have no choice to take them I think because I couldn’t even function that time. I know there is a growing concern about side effects, and some belief that anti depressants are not a long term answer.I guess all of it is guess work, because there are no tests that can determine the level of serotonin in a person’s brain. I’ll wait and see what happens at my appointment. Thank you once again.x

  444. Jo Says:

    Michelle – I have always been scared of going to the dentist and avoid it wherever possible. Last time I had to have impacted molar teeth out at hospital, and had to have some jaw bone shaved off to get them out. I had a local anaesthetic and didn’t feel a thing, but I still dread having to go, even more so now. Sorry I can’t help you on this one, but maybe you could break it down into shorter visits, so you won’t have so long to panic. Have the check up first, then maybe two visits for cleaning. Or would that be worse? x

  445. Nicola Says:

    Hey Jo, you’re welcome :-) I went on 3 medications before I found the right one for me. First two had no side effects but didn’t help either. 3rd one made me 10 times worse and finally the fourth worked a treat. I’m on Venlafaxine which people seem to either hate or love, for me it was a life saver and I don’t suffer any side effects. My sister in law went on it after she suffered PND and anxiety same as me, and she went on to make a full recovery. X

  446. Michelle Says:

    Jo , thank you for your reply , i will get there somehow . At least its in my head that somehow i want to face it , scared baby as usual . Sometimes i can see the funny side of it and the more i run away the scarier it gets . xx

    Kelly , thank you for asking how i am doing . Not too bad thank you .Slowly , slowly improving kelly :-) xx

  447. Teresa Says:

    Jo – I understand your worries and i think there is no definitive answer to this. You can recover without anti depressants and you can recover with anti depressants – and I think that both depend on attitude. I am equally fearful of taking the tablets and had a very distressing time earlier this year when I was offered them but did not agree, I do not think we are on our own over this. I also have times when I feel I will never get out of this and that it is because i have not given in to the tablets.
    However, I have had good and bad times over time and neither have depended on whether I had taken a tablet.

    Like us all I sometimes believe I have overcome this only to be swamped by it again – but the anxiety you feel when you start to fear something is all consuming and that is what is happening to you over the ‘tablet’ issue. It is anxiety speaking, not Jo.
    Try not to beat yourself up over it – if you do not want to take the tablets you do not need to, you can recover without them – loads have. I have recently started trying mindfulness – it is not an overnight solution but it is certainly worth you having a read of. Once the storm of anxiety passes you will find you again xxx

  448. Jo Says:

    Nicola, I was on venlafaxine back in 2004, and they worked ok for a while, but then they started to work against me. The very first tablet I had before them (can’t remember what they were)made me really ill in the middle of the night. I tried others after venlafaxine but they didn’t help. I tried duloxetine earlier this year and the first dose again made me ill for three days, so you can see why I fear them now. x

  449. Jo Says:

    Theresa, thank you for replying. I feel better for hearing you say you can recover without anti ds. I know that many people find them invaluable,but they just scare me :) I think they will just add to my anxiety rather than helping me. x

  450. Jo Says:

    Michelle, I know you will do it, you a very determined to get well again, and you have come so far. It is a good sign that you feel you actually WANT to do it. x

  451. Teresa Says:

    Jo – you can, and you will. Anxiety is playing tricks, it’s the pressure of the forthcoming appointment. Take care. Try not to look to far ahead, just live ‘today’ , don’t concern yourself with what has not yet happened. Take care.

  452. Michelle Z Says:

    I’m struggling so much today. Can’t seem to get back the whatever attitude. It seems like every time I turn around there is a new physical symptom. Lights and blurry eyes have been bothering me all day. And now my upper arms feel like lead and kind of weak and very burny inside. What in the world! I’m still at work, but struggling through. I so want to get that change of attitude. Whatever! Go ahead and be there, but I’m going to focus on my day and not on you.

  453. Jo Says:

    Thanks Theresa .x

    Michelle z – Bad days come for no apparent reason, and it will go again, you just hang in there. Are you eating properly. I always feel worse if I don’t eat. Lack of sugar in your blood can make you feel weak and wobbly. I know how difficult it can be to eat, but try to have something, if you haven’t already. x

  454. Nicola Says:

    Theresa, it’s not a case of giving in to the tablets, that makes it sound as if taking help in the form of medication is somehow weak. It’s not just you, so many people have this attitude. I find it upsetting.

  455. Michelle Says:

    Michelle z , like jo says sometimes lack of food doesnt help our funny feelings . I am so proud that you manage to work , get back to basics and remember them feelings are uncomfortable , but i promise they cannot hurt us . Its testing you today , try your best to loosen the grip . xx

  456. Michelle Says:

    Jo , i think teresa is right , its the pressure of the up coming appointment it will be making things worse at the minute .
    I think sometimes when we are having a bad day , we dont realise its that old bogey man ( apprehension ) thats doing it xx

  457. Michelle Says:

    Michelle Z , these feelings are a bluff of no important significance , good old claire weekes :-) x

  458. Michelle Says:

    Theresa , sorry i spelt your name wrong , rushing . x

  459. kelly Says:


    So glad you are slowly improving. That is great news. Onwards and upwards :-) xxx

  460. Teresa Says:

    Nicola – I did say that people get well with the tabs and without – the negativity/fear is the problem not the tablets. There will always be doubt whilst you have anxiety – whichever route you take you will believe it is the opposite one you should take. Indecision and self doubt are part of the condition. I am happy they worked for you – they have for many others too.
    Michelle Z – the harder you try to find that attitude the more anxiety you are creating, i know because i do it. When your anxiety levels drop everything will seem less important.

  461. Doreen Says:

    I agree Nicola. I do get uncomfortable when not using tablets is described as being ‘strong’. My experience amongst people I know is that they have used medication like a splint to help to support them whilst they get confidence back and life feels more manageable. They have done lots of the leg work for themselves but have felt less overwhelmed and therefore less dreadful.

  462. Sophia Says:

    Hi Ginger Teresa Jo

    I have particular thoughts regarding people how they are it’s so random that my feelings towards them develop depending on the while speaking I become cautious that I am not giving a wrong picture.
    I may feel the person is trying to be controlling which can be a mere passing thought or even if it’s true normally a person wouldnt be effected..but I get effected when I assume are the bullying or threatening kind of people..
    In fact they are not,but my response becomes timid or avoiding in nature giving them a picture each time I am scared..
    I cannot feel for anyone due to this issue..something or the other pops up every minute sometimes I feel my nearest people do not care for me n it feels so true wen I look at them
    How can I like people.its either I try to like people or make myself likeable if I feel I had been rude..I don’t know how to see people as they are as i am so aware of the thoughts 24/7 which pops up about them

  463. Michelle Z Says:

    Thanks so much to everyone! You are right, Theresa, in that I am trying very hard to not be anxious and find the right attitude. So for me, today is just an anxious day and I will do my best to get on with my day, alongside the anxiety, and let it be. I think this is where I struggle the most. I do work a full-time job and do most everything; however, I’ve endured a great deal of stress and still don’t have the right “attitude” about it or the anxiety. So although I do everything, there are times when the anxiety is awful. And this last 6 weeks has been a very anxious, trying time again. And I’m off and running afraid of body symptoms and can’t seem to find my way back out. I so appreciate all of you and the kind support you offer to each other…and to me!

  464. Nicola Says:

    Thank you Doreen, you’ve hit it on the head. I’ve busted my balls trying to beat this thing on my own whilst looking after my family and a new born baby, and I don’t think I’m weak. I personally resorted to medication as dealing with post natal depression on top of severe anxiety is next to impossible, I know, I tried it for a year and a half. If I’d tried it any longer in the state I was in that last month before meds it would have been a selfish decision on my part. I had gotten so low I had given up on life and my family. Anti depressants won’t get rid of anxiety but they can lift the accompanying depression enough to give you a better chance and for me they’ve done exactly that. I’m finally on the road to recovery.

  465. Dan Says:

    I`ve been trying paul`s techniques (or actually, stopped trying the other coping skills) and allthough i`m having some success, i`m still far from recovered.

    Something I notice when i`m reading the book or this blog, I start to “feel” that anxiety is not dangerous and everything is going to be allright. This imidiately relieves A LOT of my tension.

    I keep this up for a while, but after some time I fall back in old patterns, being bothered by the anxiety, getting depressed again. Telling myself I dont have to worry at those times, feels like a lie and only makes it worse. Does someone have tips on how to make this “everything is going to be allright” feeling stick ?

  466. Jo Says:

    Nicola, I don’t think Theresa or anyone else on here has tried to belittle those who take medication. Sometimes things are taken out of context, we can’t always use the exact words to describe what we mean, and anxiety sufferers can easily be hurt by something that is not meant in the way they have perceived it. Don’t take offence at something that I’m sure was not meant offend. x

  467. Debbie Says:

    Nicola I take anti depressants once i found the right ones and dosage they have really helped me, it was either take meds or be admitted to hospital, so meds it was, so now I’m on a even keel which has taken a time due to getting the dosage right, I can do all ‘normal things’ now, shopping, swimming I’ve been going to the gym 3-4 times a week, joined weight watchers, by being able to do these things it’s boosting my confidence, while doing all these things anxiety goes into the background, so for me they have definitely helped to take the edge off!
    Everyone’s different you have to do what you think is best for you! x

  468. Jo Says:

    Debbie, you have certainly come on in leaps and bounds, so that shows what meds can do if you can take them. I am so pleased for you.
    I am a bit wibbly this morning, too much thinking before getting up :) I was even wondering if it is the mineral water I drink that could be causing the problems! Now i’m thinking maybe I should stop drinking it, even though I can’t stand tap water. This is what anxiety does isn’t it. We’re always trying to find the answer in one thing or another.

  469. Debbie Says:

    Jo I had to laugh at your post about the mineral water, a few weeks back I thought drinking tea was making me worse, I already drink decaf tea, I actually stopped drinking it for over a week then realised I was still feeling bad! I’m back on it but having got used to drinking water or juice I prefer that now, especially as I’m trying to lose weight.
    Yes meds have helped me a lot, but I do have to put up with some side effects but they are better than how I was feeling including constant suicidal thoughts which I don’t have now.
    I read back at your post about you feeling really anxious about having to take meds, if you don’t want to take them why worry about it? Paul said he couldn’t get on with them so left them alone, if I could of managed without them I certaintly would’ve done.
    I still get wobbly mornings but they arnt bad enough to stop me doing things!
    Hope you have a good day I’m off to weight watchers for my weigh in! x

  470. Pat K Says:

    Dearf all
    Re abti=depressanys, I have been on sertralne for months now. Was told by my GP. that they would take weeks to work and might make me feel worse for a week or two. Thet did amd as faar as I cam tell have had no beneficial effect. Supposed to be one of the best for anxiety disorders. My poor doc had tried me on several others with same non effect, so every day is a pretty bad day for me, though I,m very glad anti-deoes work helpfully for some of you. What Paul advises is, I know, true but though I try to follow what he says, I seem to be gettig worse,not improving Feel overwhelmed by lonelinest, fearf of imsanity, fear of staying in my nice flat in the agternoons, even fear of going into shops, cafes on my own. Ive had this GAD for so many years, on and off, that I don,yt think I shall ever recover. (and, of course, bags of self-pity.) Know I,ve moaned on in this strain several times but please, please can somebody help me, as I feel I cannot gp on in this way much longer?

  471. Jo Says:

    Pat, I wish I could give you a hug. It is a terrible lonely place to be in, anxiety and depression. Believe me I know, as do most of us on here. Every day can be a struggle, but you are doing it. Try not to think too far ahead, you have to take each day as it comes. Is there no one you can turn to for a little company now and again? Being on your own makes you introspective. You are not going to go insane, that’s just your oversensitive nerves playing tricks on you. You probably feel you are getting worse because you are learning a new way of thinking, and it takes some doing. I am still struggling with acceptance, it takes time, and it’s not easy but you can get there. Go onto the coffee lounge and tell us a bit about yourself, with no reference to anxiety. Just about you as a person, where you are in the world, your interests etc. Just to clear your mind of anxious thoughts even just for a few minutes. x

  472. Jo Says:

    Pat, don’t get dismayed if you don’t get many replies just now. I have noticed most people come on here later in the day. x

  473. Michelle Says:

    Pat K , when i first started reading pauls book and the blog , i was reading it but it was not realy sinking in , my mind was in such a fog . I was also bombarding my brain with lots of different information . After reading just paul and claire weekes , and getting support on this blog , i started to know what acceptence meant and can feel it on my good days .
    I didnt realise acceptence takes time to happen , i am still learning to get to full acceptence . The support you will get on here will help you no end pat . Too many people have recovered from this , i have been reading this blog for three years and lots of names have dissapeared and they have posted their success stories .
    I also struggle when i am alone , but not as bad as i did .It can be very reasuuring to us that others feel the same and have a special understanding with us .
    I think the only way we can get over fear of going in shops , cafes ect is to go ahead and do it , hard to do but it works . Some of us suffer longer than others but i still think we can recover . x

  474. Michelle Says:

    Jo , the mineral water ? What are we like .It makes us question everything , no wonder our poor brains are tired .So jo when we have a thought like , “i wonder if this mineral water is making me worse ” we have to think , so what if it is im going to drink it anyway . XX

  475. Jo Says:

    Michelle – lovely post to Pat, you are so right about all of it.

    I have been feeling a bit off all morning, but think it’s the lack of sleep and food again. Also been discussing whether to go for a run out to Gunby hall this afternoon, I want to but it’s making me anxious thinking about it . It’s because we are waiting for it to open at 2, and also watching the weather. Not much point going if it’s raining. So again it’s the indecision. x

  476. Michelle Says:

    Jo , get yourself off to gunby hall . I was going to say try to go ,but dont “TRY” thats our trouble just go . When i set off shopping with my daughter on monday i had a wobble it was a real scorcher ( run home , get out of the car the whole lot jo ) it was gone in two minutes because i waited . Yes it seemed like two hours .Claire weekes speaks of letting it burn the roots of your hair if it has too.

    Its making you anxious thinking about it ? That devil himself “apprehension ”
    Go past him jo , get yourself off for the afternoon xxx

  477. Michelle Says:

    If you dont go because its raining then thats a different thing , but go on a brighter day , as long as we go and stop letting it imprison us . Note to myself …. listen and use the advise you are giving to others :-) x

  478. Jo Says:

    Michelle – I will go as long as it’s not raining because some of it is gardens, so not very good on the wet. Which Claire Weeks book have you got? Mine is Self Help for your Nerves. x

  479. Michelle Says:

    Jo , i have “essential help for your nerves ” got it off e-bay , also got her cd pass through panic , i think her voice is very soothing . I always played the cd in the car it helped a lot . Like we do at the beggining i bought loads of books , even the linden method . All useless apart from pauls and claire weekes . Get yourself “essential help for your nerves ” im sure you would like it xx Raining here just going with dogs x

  480. Kelly Says:

    Pat K,

    Sorry to hear you are going through a bad time at the moment. It must be frustrating for you having suffered for years with GAD on and off. I really do sympathise with you.

    As Paul says medication can be an aid for some people but it is never a cure. The cure comes from within. I truely believe this. In your situation having suffered years on and off i can bet you are a bit reluctant and ready to give up but believe me there is hope. Don’t let this bully get the better of you. You can get through this and Paul’s method is definitely the way forward.

    None of us will ever be completely anxiety free because anxiety is something we need in normal circumstances, to protect us from danger and the like. However we can get it to a point that it no longer affects our daily lives like it is now.

    I know every day is probably a struggle and a battle for you now especially the bad days but you can get over this. All it needs is a little time, patience and acceptance. You will get there and everything will start looking brighter for you. There is light at the end of the tunnel even though it doesn’t seem it now.

  481. Kelly Says:

    Jo and Michelle,

    The both of you are sounding a lot brighter and have been giving everyone on here such good advice lately. It’s great to see x

  482. Kelly Says:


    Good luck at the weigh in, i’m sure you have done well x

  483. Debbie Says:

    Jo hope you made it out this afternoon!

    Kelly, you are right meds can help but you still have to face things and work on those things that you avoid tablets can’t do that for you but they take that egde off so you can get on with working on these things.

    Michelle, I brought the Linden Method years back it cost loads and did nothing for me either!

  484. Michelle Says:

    Debbie , we are so desperate for help at the beggining , yes the linden method made me so much worse , he said blast music out loud ??
    The gym is doing you good . I was at the gym years ago and met a lady there that i knew , who had lost her mum . She told me the doctor had told her to join as she was suffering from depression , i think in the future it will be part of the prescription from doctors . x

  485. Michelle Says:

    Doreen , i hope you are feeling better today . x

  486. Jo Says:

    Well I did it. We went to Gunby and was there a couple of hours. It is a beautiful place and somewhere we have never been although we have lived here all these years. It wasn’t entirely successful, but not too bad. I was ok in the lovely peaceful gardens but we went to look at the little church that is part of the estate, and it was very small and dark and we had to walk past the gravestones to get to it. I don’t know why but it really made me anxious and I had to come away. I got almost panicky but we had a cup of tea and then another walk in the walled garden. By the time we got back to the car I felt quite edgy and my legs were like jelly, but starting to relax now back in my safe zone.

  487. sam Says:


    I have experimented in the past a lot with ‘mantras’ and ‘ideas’ that make me feel better and allow me to relax. In the end however, like you, ideas like ‘everything will be ok’ don’t stick, and you get sucked back into figuring out how to feel ok and find an idea that works.

    At some point I stopped trying to feel ok or relax, and just trust that if I keep going with some activities for that day, eventually I will feel better again. Like Paul says, it is an up and down process, and the trick is to accept all the negativity, as it comes and goes, throughout the process of you improving. Don’t try to stop the negativity and bad feelings, that is not the point. The point is to keep moving DESPITE them. Don’t hold onto Paul’s ideas to get better- it is only living your life in the real world that slowly gets you out of the funk, not getting your mind to stop being confused and anxious. So let go of ideas and just feel all the horrible things you want to figure out before you go and do stuff. There really is no way to make it better outside of living again!

    Take care


  488. Gary Says:

    Well done Jo,
    So proud of you, you walked with anxiety beside you but you did it!! Enjoy some relax time now you are back home x

  489. Jo Says:

    Hi Gary, nice to see you again, and thanks. I’m feeling better now, back home with my doggie. How are you getting on? x

  490. Debbie Says:

    Jo well done you! Sounds lovely, I love little churches but grave stones make me very anxious I don’t know why, when we go up to Doms mums grave he likes reading all the old graves, in the end I say I’m going it’s making me feel bad, I’ve always felt it was cos I’ve been so close to death with suicidal thoughts in the past it frightens me, I used to find them interesting too.
    I hope you managed to enjoy walking round the gardens, sometimes we are so busy focussing on how we are feeling we don’t really take anything in, that’s why I’m trying mindfulness meditation I’ve got quite into it, I actually feel its helping to get back in control of my mind/thoughts, my mind does wander off but it’s taking longer to do that, when I’m at the gym I’m totally focussed so I know I can do it! x

    Lost two and a half pound at weight watchers weigh in AND I joined in with the meeting, I usually hide at the back and keep quiet but I actually spoke out to everyone about going to the gym, big step for me as had social phobia for 25 years! so a good double whammy for me!

  491. Nicola Says:

    Hi everyone, I just wondered does anyone else experience their anxiety as a kind of sudden shift in consciousness? Like one minute you can feel ok then the next minute there’s kind of a shift in the way you perceive things and suddenly everything feels kind of frightening or even sinister? This is how I have been experiencing mine of late. Do you think this will go eventually?

  492. Gary Says:

    Hi Jo,
    im not too bad at the moment, the usual anxiety in the morning but im learning to live along side it, otherwise getting myself out and about, had to go to the gp today ive had a buzzing in one of my ears for 3 weeks now and its a horrible sensation like a buzzing fridge in my ear 24/7 when he checked the ear seemed clear but had wax in the other so needs it syringing next week so the buzzing is a mystery but i hope it settles!! its been nice the sun has been out a bit more recently i think it does lighten people’s moods, back to work for a couple of nights from tomorrow, take care x

  493. Michelle Says:

    Jo , good for you going to Gunby . Sometimes it can seem not much success when we have felt a little panicky and anxious whilst out doing things .But as paul says it all gets stored into the brain , and we are teaching ourselves to not be afraid , even though sometimes it might not seem like that .
    Nice to be able to think we are teaching ourselves to be “unaraid ” instead of afraid :-)
    If we keep at it , eventually it will all “click ” jo , and we will walk without fear . I was pleased to read that you went xx

  494. Michelle Says:

    Nice to be able to think we are teaching ourselves to be unafraid.
    ( spelling mistake )

  495. Will Says:

    Nicola – Yes I know what you mean. Sometimes things seem a little unreal to me, especially when recalling something disturbing or unpleasant. Often this is just a combination of anxiety and fatigue, as it can often interfere with your perception of the world about you. I find distraction to be a very useful way to cope with this, in my case I listen to or watch something on my iPod to make everything seem less frightening. You may find another way of distracting yourself from anxiety.

  496. Will Says:

    It’s as if you feel slightly detached from your body? Because sometimes when I feel like this, it’s often my head/face that feels strange and tingly, like it’s not mine.

  497. Lisa Says:


    I certainly have the shift in consciousness thing sometimes. It never lasts long. I’m a college teacher and every once in awhile I will feel that way while teaching. It really scared me at first, but now I just let it happen. Eventually, I get distracted and it goes away. When it first started to happen, it terrified me and I considered canceling my classes. I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to continue with my job. It was awful. Now that I’m recovering, it only happens in little flashes occasionally. Just try not to think too much about it and try not to over-analyze it after it happens. I would spend time worrying before a class that it might happen and getting myself worked up. I spent more time worrying about it when it wasn’t happening, than having it actually happen.

  498. ginger797 Says:

    DEBBIE i would love to hear about “mindfullness” as ive heard many talk about it:)

  499. Jo Says:

    Hi Gary, pleased to hear you are coping and still getting about. My anxiety is worse in the mornings too. I go to bed feeling quite normal and relaxed, thinking I’m recovered, so it’s a bit disappointing to wake up with it back again, but I am learning to live with it. I have the buzzing too, especially when I am tired or on edge, I think it’s another symptom of anxiety. Take care x

  500. Jo Says:

    Nicola, yes I get that too. It is frightening and it used to REALLY scare me but not so much now. I try to ignore it as much as possible, but it’s not easy. it is one of the symptoms I have had the most difficulty with. I’m sure it will go eventually. x

  501. Jo Says:

    Debbie, I took my camera which helps keep my mind off me and on taking photos – till the batteries ran out :) Well done at the gym, I can’t believe the change in you just lately, you are doing so well. :)

  502. Jo Says:

    Michelle, thank you. It did take a little effort to keep myself together on the way home but I soon settled when I got in. I even did a bit of crafting and stayed awake longer. x

  503. Michelle Says:

    Nice bright day with the sun peeping through , it does help to brighten the mood :-)

  504. Jo Says:

    Just had a bit if a shaky do. Started off ok then got a sudden wave of intense fear, don’t know why. Anyway went for a walk and still feel a bit nervy, but not so bad. Got shopping to do, which I don’t feel like, but going to do it anyway. Just having five minutes an a half Complan :)

  505. Michelle Says:

    Jo , its strange when we get like a rush of fear and like you said ” dont no why ” I think are bodies and nerves are well oiled to these feelings and they can just flash a wave like that . Although it feels scarey and horrible , just let it be .Going to take a while for our frazzled nerves to return to there normal state . Accept is only a word jo , but much more than a word if we can begin to feel it xxx

  506. Jo Says:

    Thanks Michelle, got back from Tesco, then went down the craft shop by myself, felt a bit weird but got back ok, and now having a rest with Meggie on the settee. It’s funny how all the motivation I have in the evenings seems to drain away the next day :)
    How are you?

  507. Jo Says:

    As well as a dry mouth, does anyone else suffer a nasty sticky taste. I just can’t seem to get rid of it.

  508. Nicola Says:

    Jo it’s horrid when you have those intense waves of fear isn’t it because despite our best efforts to ignore it or move on it seems to have a ripple effect on us for some time afterward. I had a panic attack recently and my mood slumped for about 2 days afterward.
    Lisa and Will thank you for your replies. Nice to know I’m not alone. It could be derealisation I suppose. Not that that makes it any better :-) it good to know that you don’t have it as much any more Lisa.

  509. Michelle Says:

    Hi jo , not too bad today thank you . I was up at 6am ttok dogs and did quiete a few jobs ,a hour ago tiredness hit me so i have been asleep .Of course as usual im annoyed with myself for having a sleep , you know the perfectionists we try to be .
    Yes jo i have the motivation in the evenings and have allsorts of plans for the next day , we are soon tired at the moment with all the adrenelin we are coping with .
    See you went alone to the craft shop , i do truly believe that these little steps do build into strides eventualy , we have to practice to get there :-) xx

  510. Jo Says:

    Yes Nicola, it has upset me today, I haven’t really settled down yet, and that makes me fearful for the following days. FEAR again isn’t it. I wish a was a Vulcan :)

  511. Jo Says:

    Michelle, don’t be annoyed about having a sleep – it’s healing. I wish I could without waking up feeling worse.
    I felt a bit strange chatting to the man in the craft shop, and he asked me if I had lost weight! I said yes and told him why, I don’t believe in hiding it. His wife has suffered depression so he understands. x

    Anyone – One of my most distressing symptoms is this feeling of unfamiliarity to my home and even Ben and James. I know where I am and who they are but something doesn’t feel quite ‘right’. It’s the only way I can describe it. Is this DP too?

  512. Michelle Says:

    Jo , isnt it nice when we can say the truth and someone understands like the man in the craft shop , unfortunatly i do believe this anxiety / depression thing is massive , and in years to come they will be more relaxation and stress busters educated to people
    I managed to go to the local club last saturday evening , and was chatting to a young man ( listen to me eh ? ) about my brother who has a drink problem and on vallium daily . He was telling me that four years ago he and his girlfreind split up and depression hit him , he lost 3 stone . He went on to say you have to find hope deep in you and it takes time and courage and evntually you build yourself back up . He was so bad with the breakup he had bells palsy. It was lovely to listen to him and certainly lifted my spirits . I then chatted on like i can do , and told him all about myself , by the way i do know this lad he lives near me and is a kindred spirit ( dog mad )
    I have learnt to be careful who i speak to about it though , because a lot of so called friends did let me down , ignorance is bliss isnt it ?
    Back to the problem with my brother , i went to the doctors and spoke to them last week about his review being yearly , they have called him in to see him monday, boy do i feel guilty. My dad is so pleased i have done it though . I have a lot of stress with him and mum and dad with cancer , but im managing and i know improvements are happening , even with all that to deal with .
    I forgot i went to the club last week another little acheivement :-) x

  513. Nicola Says:

    Jo, the unfamiliarity you are feeling in your home and with your loved ones, I have had this too, it is the most awful experience, however it doesn’t last, as the anxiety lifts so too does this symptom, for me it happens when my anxiety is particularly bad, thank whoever I’m not that bad anymore. I think it does come under DP/DR. When mine was at it’s worst I would look at my partner and baby and just feel like I didn’t know who they were, I felt scared and uncomfortable around them a lot of the time. A year and a half ago I was admitted to a psych ward because I was suicidal, it was due to anxiety, I was pregnant at the time and had developed a fear of my loved ones, eventually my emotions shut down altogether and I didn’t feel anything for my mum, dad, partner, sister, dog, I didn’t even want them to visit me, it was like there was no bond. I still struggle with it sometimes now but not to that extent. It is just anxiety though.

  514. Jo Says:

    Michelle I think getting out of this is helped greatly by being able to talk about it to people who understand. Bottling things up only makes them bigger and stronger. I bet it helped the young man being able to talk to you too. I know I always feel better when I have visited this site and others have come on with help and understanding. You don’t feel so alone with it then.You are coping so well with all the stress you have to deal with, you should be proud of yourself and not feel guilty in any way.x

  515. Michelle Says:

    Jo , as nicola has just said this is dp / dr . My home and family were strangers to me and all feelings were numb , it is the nastiest of feelings . You do defrost from this feeling , it can still hit me now and then but only a little and it soon goes . x

  516. Jo Says:

    Thanks Nicola, it is such a strange feeling isn’t it.But the more you can learn to understand the feelings the less fearful they become.I am so pleased that you have come back from that dark place. x

  517. Jo Says:

    Thanks Michelle, I do find it very unpleasant at times. x

  518. Michelle Says:

    Thank you jo , sometimes i feel like i am moaning too much , but i would be lying if i said i didnt have a load of stress . My brother keeps texting me saying he is frightened to go to the gp , he has anxiety terrible and has turned to drink . It did frighten me because he has it , my mother did and me . But rife in our family or not , its not putting me off working towards recovery , fortunatly i am by nature a more positive person than my brother x

  519. Nicola Says:

    I just want you all to know that we will all recover, I went through some horrific experiences with anxiety but now I am recovering and it is just as Paul says, you are still there underneath it all, although you’ll be a much stronger person for it. You can come back from those dark dark places you find yourselves in, you just have to stop fearing the anxiety itself. I think I finally stopped being afraid of it because although for every bad episode I have I still return sane and myself. It can’t harm you.

  520. Michelle Says:

    Nicola , you have been through it havnt you . So pleased that you are improving :-)

  521. Michelle Says:

    Nicola , good for you saying we can all recover . I am feeling more positive days but just get afraid to say im feeling them .
    So true we are still ourselves underneath it all , i know this because ME , keeps peeping through . Well done with your positive attitude x

  522. Les Says:

    I’m new to this site, I have read the book and have the Iphone app. I feel that I’m not far away from normality but I am still having episode I’m struggling to deal with.
    I have had every test under the sun and there is nothing physically wrong with me. I feel like I get the flu all the time, shivery and tired, last time I had it was 2 weeks ago and I now have it again, I seem to get like this a lot. If this is anxiety then its a bloody good copier. I eat fine and take vitamins every day.

    Anyone any similar experiences. My anxiety rears its ugly head when I start feeling like this but when I’m feeling well I am coping and managing to live with my anxiety.


  523. Debbie Says:

    Jo sounds as though you’ve had a rough day, I hope your feeling better as its the evening.
    I’ve just got back from the gym, stepped it up a notch so added another five minutes to each machine, so very pleased with myself, it definitely is helping, also it gives me something else to focus on instead of how I’m feeling, can’t believe I’m actually enjoying it! I’m so glad I started, I’ve noticed I’m moving around easier not so sluggish, I would recommend it! x

  524. Diana Says:

    Hi Paul, I first read your book almost a couple of years back. I’ve struggled with anxiety on and off for years, but about 3 yrs ago I developed full blown agoraphobia, just going down the road was terrifying. However I got so much better and then read your book and lots by Claire Weekes. I felt on top of the world, realised that anxiety couldn’t kill me and no matter how bad I felt I should accept and go towards the fear. I managed to do things I hadn’t for a while, like go on journeys on the motorway a couple of hours away. It was really hard, but I did it and felt great. Fast forward a year and I can’t travel on motorways again. There hasn’t been any need to, so it’s like my mind has forgotten the success. I’ve failed again and not been able to go to a family party, a two hour journey on the motorway. I just don’t want to be in that place again. I can’t put myself through it again. I’d get in the car and panic, panic, panic. Yes I know I should accept and go towards it, but my young children do not need to see mummy like that and I just feel a failure that I can’t put myself through it again. I’m 95% better day to day, even working full time again with no problem and anxiety doesn’t scare me anymore until I have to travel on the motorway. As for underground trains or flying, don’t think I’ll ever be able to do those again.

  525. Doreen Says:

    I think we have more than one Michelle posting on here and so I am not sure who asked me how I am? Is it Michelle from Yorkshire? Also Jo, thanks for your kind words. We have just had a couple of days in Glasgow and although I am glad we went I am still feeling sick a great deal of the time so that made it harder to enjoy. The best bit was the tourist bus which showed us parts of Glasgow we had never been to before and that was distracting and interesting. I am contacting the doctor who did my gall bladder op on Monday and going to ask if I can have a private consultation to speed things up a bit. That so goes against what I believe about paying for medical help but I cannot wait until October 3rd. Well I guess I could really but would rather not as I am fed up with feeling sick.
    Anyway enough about me – pleased to read all the supportive comments going to and fro and can assure you all that every ‘mad thought’ is just that – a thought, not a reality. We are so sensitive to atmospheres, sounds, even the weather that they have an impact that would be barely noticeable were we not suffering from anxiety. I remember once telling my CPN that I could feel anxious just looking at the pen on her table. Fortunately she was so on the right wave length that she completely understood and I felt I could then tell her the maddest of my thoughts. I have been lucky in the professionals I have had in the past.

  526. Brian Says:

    Hey Guys,

    In my bouts with anxiety, it seems as if Im putting a massive amount of pressure to be ‘myself.’ To live up to the expectations others have of me… ie. to be funny, to be the life of the party. I feel like i have to be this way or else people think something is ‘up’ with me. Im wondering if you guys have had anxiety living up to your own expectations of yourself?



  527. ginger797 Says:

    michelle i would love to hear your story and how you have came so far?:)

  528. Jo Says:

    Michelle, I think there are far more people suffer than we know, I think some are afraid to admit to it.
    It’s hard for us to deal with our own suffering, let alone anyone else’s so you have a lot to cope with, and are doing it really well. You are not moaning too much, you are sharing you worries and no one here minds that. x

  529. Jo Says:

    Hi Debbie, Yes my evening was ok thanks, more relaxed. Glad to hear you are doing so well at the gym and enjoying it. x

  530. Jo Says:

    Doreen, nice to see you again. It’s funny isn’t it how doctors become available if you can pay! You are doing right not to wait, but I think it is a disgrace that you should have to wait that long anyway. Glad you enjoyed your Glasgow trip. x

  531. Jo Says:

    Brian, Paul’s May blog was about acting your way through anxiety and how it’s best not to do it. You are not yourself at the moment so trying to be is just putting more pressure on. I have learned not to try to be my old self and very occasionally that part peeps through by itself. I belong to a craft forum and everyone on there knows I am a sufferer, and they are all supportive. I can’t help how I feel and I’m not ashamed of it. x

  532. Rick Says:

    Beatrice, don’t know if you’ll see this. I just noticed you responded to one of my posts but I haven’t been on this site for a few months now. I didn’t see it until today, so I apologize for not responding. I’m going through a little setback after a few solid months, but it’s all part of the process. I’m trying to let things pass and not fall back into old habits. Needless to say, it’s been a tough few weeks as going through setbacks can be very disheartening and emotionally draining. I noticed you mentioned your anxiety was religious-based. I know all too well how that is. I hope you get this so we can chat but if anyone else is/has experienced something similiar, any advice would be welcome. Also, need a little advice on how to stop obsessive thinking on health-related issues. To make a long story short, I’ve had to take BP meds since I was 24; I’m now 30. My Dr. ran tests to make sure it wasn’t renal failure, etc. but high BP tends to run in my family. I get bloodwork done every year and regular check-ups. Dr says it’s essential hypertension and has no underlying causes other than genetics. Everything is fine and under control but I constantly worry I will die young b/c of this even though it’s under control. I know it’s nonsense b/c there are other people with medical conditions and live a long, healthy and productive life. I’m not overweight, exercise regularly and maintain a healthy diet. I know it’s just something I need to accept and not worry about but I find it difficult at times. It’s like my anxiety finds anything and everything to latch on to just so I won’t forget it’s there. Before I had anxiey, I would not worry about it but now there are times when the thoughts consume me and that’s all I think about. I would appreciate any advice on getting over this little hump and breakthrough towards full recovery. I know it’s possible. The road to a peaceful mind is not an easy one for us who are suffering, but in the end it will be worth it and makes us that much stronger. I hope everyone is doing well and staying strong. Also, if I can help anyone out, I’d be more than happy to do so…take care.

  533. Debbie Says:

    Ginger797 you asked about the mindfulness, it’s about keeping your mind on what your doing, like when you clean your teeth I expect your thinking what youve got to do in the day, so being mindful you hear the water running, the sound of the toothpaste as you squeeze it out the tube, how it feels in your mouth the taste, another good one is smoothing a pet feeling their fur etc, washing up is another one plenty going on there, I wash up and think what I’m doing next what we are having for dinner tomorrow etc etc, so it’s bringing your mind to what your doing, you have to practice a lot it’s not easy cos your mind wants to wander off, but it’s bringing it back again and again. Research has shown Mindfulness is very good at helping anxiety etc, the NHS are doing courses now so you can ask to be referred.
    I also sit quietly close my eyes and feel my breathe and my stomach moving, breathe in breathe out one, breathe in breathe out two I slightly press my fingers down to count keep going for as long as you want,if my mind goes off bring it back without getting frustrated takes alot of practice, So there you go! have a try it’s worth it x

  534. Doreen Says:

    Hi Pat – left a message for you in the coffee lounge.

  535. Michelle Says:

    You are all coming to a sleepover at my house , my daughters baby due feb 1st and she wants me to be her birthing partner :-) :-)

  536. Michelle Says:

    Doreen , yes it is me yorkshire michelle . Dont you do so well managing your glasgow trip whilst not being so well . You have gritted determination running through your blood doreen x

  537. Michelle Says:

    Jo , thank you im trying to take a step back worring over my brother , because we all no too well when rough times hit , we have to find it in us to help ourselves .
    Have you been walking with meggie ? xx

  538. Jo Says:

    Hi Michelle – hope you’ve got a big house then. That will give you something to think about :)

  539. Michelle Says:

    Joking about the sleepover , but wouldnt mind the support when the time comes so you could all push me out the door to get there !!!!

  540. Jo Says:

    Yes did get out with her and let her have a paddle. She had to be washed yesterday as the tide was out and she had to go through mud to get to it.
    Got the tremble muscles again this morning – good old lack of sleep again – have been awake on and off since 3am, feel really groggy now. x

  541. Michelle Says:

    Jo , the trembling muscles , definetly lack of sleep . You will have to have a restful day some days we have to dont we , took me a long time to realise that . You have heard people say “im tired today did not sleep well ” well unfortunatly we feel it much stronger .
    x x

  542. Michelle Says:

    See im already building it up about febuary and its miles off .
    Anxiety is definetly apprehension gone to overdrive .
    Going with the dogs , then making a trifle . Lets all let go and have a good day x

  543. Nicola Says:

    Hey everyone, feeling a bit down today, have to be careful not to assume it’s ‘all going to start again’. Got my arse down the gym to do 30 minutes of cardio as it helps me to clear my head. Aiming for cardio 3 times a week again. Baby asleep so I’m having a rest and enjoying the Olympics :-)
    Hope everyone is ok and staying strong xx

  544. Jo Says:

    Hi Nicola, I’m not feeling so good this morning either, lack of sleep the culprit in my case. Have a nice rest and enjoy the olympics.x

  545. Michelle Says:

    The struggle is on , just about to set off for the walk and im convinced i will collapse . Now how on earth would keeping a tense hold on myself stop this from happening , it wouldnt . The logical part of me knows this , but hard to put it in action .
    We are all good learners , look how we learnt ourselves to be fearfull , reversing it is rather difficult though .
    Off i go and im leaving my mobile at home .
    sorry we are all having a baddie today xx

  546. Pat K Says:

    Hallo Doreen,
    Thanks for your post, sorry I got the wrong one. Can now indulge in the enthralling subject of ME!!
    Born in Brisbane, Father Ausralian, Mother English. Came back to England when about two.Have lived in various southern counties, favourate was Bucks, and now North Wales. Was a difficult, headstrong child, given to tantrums if I did not get my way, (My poor Mother). Preferred the company of boys whrn young – Dolls bored me. Very bossy at home but became painfully shy as I got oler, hated school and though i longed for friens, did not make any, so felt there was something very wrong with me. Think this early stage was when the GAD began to dog ny life. Two brothers, older and younger one. James was a friend as well as a younger brother, whom iI bossed shamefullt.He died of a brain tumour 12 yes. ago, loved and missed by all who knew him, especially my sister in law and his 3 girls.. When my Mother 9whom I was very close to) found out that I was an (Unsucessful) lesbian, there were there were the most terrible scenes. Felt so guilty about what I,d done to my Mother, I was pulled apart by what I,d done to my Mother and the girl i left home for to live in a grotty flat in London. Whe became a nurse. After 3 yrs. during which time The GAD increased and I came to hate my Mother, though I loved her at the same time, the relationship ended with my havib a nervous breakdown and entering a private nursing home here. Hilary reluctantly left me eventuately met someone else and became a Sister Tutor at a big Yorkshire hospital/ The second relationship staggered on for 5 years, ending in disaster for me, largely ny fault as I behaved very childishly to try to make her love and need me. Opposite effect, of course. Severe GAD during time with Anne. lived in a nightmare state when Anne became involved with a married medical secretary at the B,M hospital she worked. Not long after this Anne took me back to my eldest brother in Cheshire. Another breakdown or sonething. Heard later that the ned. sec. had decided she was not gay, much to Anne,s distress. However, she is and has been for, living with a female docyor at the East B,m. Glad for her. So I,ve lived a very inner lonely life. Know this sounds like self-pity but am just stating the facts, (to those to whom I haven,t bored their socks off.) Mt Father died of cacer which has spread all his body. Mother , such an emotionlly strong, dominabt woman, deveoped Altzeimers Disease, becoming childlike. Dead now,, of course Wish I,d told her how moch I loved her. Have cancer myself, so as ny remaining brother has it, nust be geneti. Don,t see him now as he lives in a beautiful spot in Corbwall, with his second wife.
    Thimk that,s more than enough about nyself. Don,t work now but mt Father was a precious srone merchant in Hatton Garden, London and I worked with him.I like the countryside, all animals, claassical and pop music, driving my car. Usedto read a great deal but eyesight has cut tgat out.
    Incidebtally, does anyone else have this roller coaster up, down enotion, which is with me every wingle day? Today i,ve felt so alone, which I am, of course and an alarming wave of hopelessness engulfed me/
    So Doreen, hope all the above self-centredness has given you some notion of me.
    Love and best wishes to you and everyone. xx

  547. Will Says:

    Hi everyone, hope you’re all doing well :) My anxiety’s at a bit of a high today because I’m going on holiday tomorrow for two weeks to Egypt. I don’t feel anxious per se, but I’m having some bizarre thoughts which is typical of when we’re about to go away. My main reason for being anxious is that the first day and night are always so hellish for me, it’s like a sudden shock to the system being thrust into an unfamiliar place. I feel disorientated, like I’m blundering around a dream world, but that’s mostly due to lack of sleep, something I think I have a better chance of having this time due to the fact that we’re leaving a bit later than usual.
    I know I’ll be fine from the second day onwards (my cousins are such a laugh so I know I’ll have a good time), but the first day and pre-first day nerves are here.

  548. amie Says:

    I was laid off in may because of my anxiety. It was so bad I cried all day at work. I had insomnia, horrible stomach aches, feelings of electricity shooting through my body, I felt dreamy, I couldn’t concentrate and my vision was blurry. It started in march but I didn’t know it was anxiety until mid may. I really believe I had a nervous breakdown from so much stress. Now I’m slowly recovering. Mornings are the worse though. I wake up and instantly feel horrible. I feel like now that I’m home with the kids all day ill never recover. I have definatley gotten better but not completely. I understand its anxiety and i push through but some days I just want to give up. I’ve always wanted to be a stay at home mom. Now I don’t understand why being home makes me feel anxious. Sometimes I wonder if its me being anxious about being home or just lingering anxiety I’m still recovering from. I’m also confused about depression. I don’t know if I have it or if its the anxiety. I feel like I have to have things planned. If i have to sit around all day with nothing to do I get anxious. Sometimes I wake up thinking what’s the point there’s nothing to look foward to. This isn’t me! I’ve always been excited about life. In march I thought I had cancer and was dying. That’s what triggered my anxiety. Strange that now I feel hopeless some times. I wish i could wake up and be happy. Are there any stay at home moms on here or even just people that don’t work that have recovered?

  549. Will Says:

    Amie – thanks for sharing your experiences. I can safely say that I’ve had a lot of exactly what you’ve just described; a cancer scare retriggering my anxiety, confusion about depression, I even once had what I think was a breakdown a couple of years ago – it was like bursting into tears and a panic attack both at the same time.
    Anyway, I can relate to a lot of what you said. I’m a 20 year old student who doesn’t work (you asked if anyone who doesn’t work has recovered). My anxiety’s been very on and off for the 9 years I’ve had it. It used to be panic attacks but I can control them now. Sometimes I think I’m anxiety-free, when something trivial can trigger it again. And yes, there are days when it feels like a struggle and other times where I seem anxiety-free; it’s a rollercoaster and you’re not alone.

    However, I do agree that sitting around at home all day with nothing to do does shift your attention to your anxiety and makes it ten times worse. I’m at university at the moment waiting for my second year to begin, and so far I’ve been off since the middle of May. I’m so desperate to be actually doing some work again so I don’t dwell around the house – I’d rather BE at university!

  550. Jo Says:

    Michelle – I know how you feel , I’ve not really relaxed all day yet, Strange how a lot of us seem to have off days at the same time. I’ve done the walks, and tried sitting in the garden a while but couldn’t settle so came back inside and made some more cards. Still feeling a bit anxious but hope that will settle down after food, as it usually does. x

  551. Adam Says:

    Hi everyone,

    Thanks for the great posts. They are helpful.

    I am still struggling off and on with bad dreams. I will go a while without having them and then it will be back to a night where I have a lot of strange vivid bad dreams. I then wake up and start worrying about them. I worry that something is wrong with me like a mental illness or something because the dreams can be so weird. It has helped to just wake up and go on with the day and let the thoughts of them come without doing anything with them.

    I think I just got in the cycle of worrying about what I dream and thus it kind of spurs the bad dreams. Any advice is appreciated!


  552. Michelle Says:

    Will , havnt you come on leaps and bounds ? You are back to “living ” enjoy your holiday to egypt :-) x

  553. Will Says:

    Michelle – Well it’s a big family holiday and I couldn’t really say no 😛 But thank you! And I will!

  554. Michelle Says:

    Jo , yes ive noticed a few of us can have a bad day together . My stomach was awful earlier , i then realised i had done the cardinal sin of eating a meal at bedtime , i try not to but we eat when we can . We have to be so careful with this . , that we dont do things to make the physical feelings worse .
    Hope you have a settled evening jo x x

  555. Michelle Says:

    As you can see i survived the walk , silly old me getting scared for nothing :-)

  556. Michelle Says:

    Ginger 797 , i was thinking of you last night and today you posted , funny sometimes we think of people then here from them :-)
    Is it this michelle ( me ) the one that never shuts up , that you wanted to hear my story ? x

  557. amie Says:

    One more question. This is my first severe bout with anxiety. I’ve had anxiety before but for reasons I think anyone would be anxious over. So, since I’m trying to recover still from it, is it normal to experience symptoms all day still even though the reasons for the anxiety starting agent an issue anymore? About how long do they linger for?

  558. Jo Says:

    Michelle, It’s not silly. I get scared all the time :) I always try not to eat after 8pm, so I have my tea at around 7/7.30pm, and I usually can manage a fairly decent meal, so that I’m not hungry. It does seem to be the best way. x

  559. Jo Says:

    Amie, I get symptoms sometimes all day and sometimes not. But yes anxiety can linger on longer than we would like. Everyone is different and some suffer more and for longer than others so there is not really an answer to that, I’m afraid. The thing you need to know is to let it take as much time as it needs, It will get better. x

  560. amie Says:

    As long as it will get better. I can keep going…. I’m scared that this will be as good as it gets!

  561. Jo Says:

    Amie, believe it will get better. I was having an awful time in April, but things have slowly improved. I am still a long way from recovery but I’m getting there. It takes time and you need to be patient, it is hard but it will be worth it in the end. x

  562. Jeff Says:

    Hello all, I have been experiencing a setback of sorts lately but seem to have reigned in most of it. There was a great deal of comment on medication further up the thread. I have recently begun a new supplement regiment which seems to have helped in conjunction with daily exercise and a reduction in caffeine and alcohol intake (I’m also vegetarian, which can’t hurt). I take three fish oil capsules daily resulting in a daily doseage of 1,050 mg of omega-3 fatty acids daily (more EPA than DHA). I also take 1,000 IU of vitamin D daily and St. John’s Wort three times daily. The St. John’s Wort results in 0.9% hypericin content daily (which is the active ingredient). I really think the St. John’s Wort has worked on me. After four weeks I am noticing a large decrease in my level of depression and anxiety with no side effects. I feel that this is a very personalized thing, though, and everyone needs to do what’s right for themselves. For me, the side effects of SSRI’s seemed detrimental and the supplements seemed right. Alot of the reasons I’m feeling better have nothing to do with any of that, but I think I needed the extra boost to get over the hump. I hope everyone has a lovely weekend and I hope that we can all feel better soon.

  563. amie Says:

    I’m going to be very frank here…. I have had stomach issues since this all happened in march. Every day since march I have woken up and had diarriah. Doc says its all anxiety…. Anyone else experience this?

  564. Michelle Says:

    Amie , i found most of my anxiety was stomach related symptoms , it will settle down took me a long while to go to the toilet (normal ) so to speak .It definetly effects our bowels , symptoms like ibs , mine has settled down though , also found i had to pass urine a lot more .
    As jo says we are all different with the length of time on our recovery journey , some are much quiker than others , but i promise we do improve x

  565. Michelle Says:

    Jeff , i take omega 3 fish oil and complete b complex . I am finding my energy has increased a little . The vitamin b complex makes your urine flouresent yellow though , but that doesnt bother me too much it happens with the b complex .
    I also take redox vitamin c with zinc 1000mg , one a day . I asked my doctor which vitamin should we take and he reccomended the vit c .
    Thank you for sharing your experiences with the supplements . Only think is i dare not stop taking them now in case i feel worse , Have a lovely weekend too :-)

  566. Michelle Says:

    Jeff forgot to say pleased they are working for you .

  567. amie Says:

    Have you recovered Michelle?

  568. Nicola Says:

    I take supplements too, omega 3 – high content of EPA and DHA. Vitamin C and B complex, and multivitamin.

  569. Jo Says:

    Amie, I need to go to the toilet very early in the mornings, not diarriah, but the need to go. Also I suffered badly(for weeks) with feeling sick and vomiting for a couple of hours from around 5.30 in the morning, but thankfully that rarely happens now. x

    Michelle – if you feel ok on them, why stop? Just another of anxieties little niggles isn’t it. x

    Jeff – glad to hear you are doing ok, and that the supplements seem to help you. I had to smile though, a vegetarian who takes fish oil ? :)

  570. Michelle Says:

    Jo , isnt that right if i feel ok why stop them , see worrying over stopping them and dont have to .
    Woke up at 4am wide awake , but got back to sleep :-) Did you manage a better night sleep jo ? Might go to barnsley market later on for a stroll round .When i went to my daughters last night a big bird did a you know what (splat on my car windscreen ) i thought good lad , i could do with a bit of good luck xx

  571. Michelle Says:

    Hi amie , i am not fully recovered , but have improved and i am on the recovery road . Things settle down and we are able to see it for what it is , and for some people it all “clicks ” together quicker than others . x

  572. Debbie Says:

    Jeff I take 100 per cent EPA fish oil, I have to get it online as its the only place that sells it without the DHA also i started the gym 3-4 times a week all cardio plus I joined weight watchers and I’m feeling a lot better, I am on meds which I have had lowered so I think that’s helped, the gym has definitely made a difference, not just for the exercise but it’s given me something else to think about. I’ve been getting out there and living as Paul would say! I didn’t think I could do it but it goes to show you can if you want to.

    Hope everyone has a good day!

  573. Jo Says:

    Michelle – I was awake around that time too. Ben was in pain with his back, and then some strange bird was squawking for ages. It sounded like a cross between a duck and a jackdaw! Did drift on and off and finally got up at 7.30. Don’t feel too bad this morning, just a bit churny. Enjoy Barnsley, and buy a lottery ticket :)

  574. Doreen Says:

    Hello all – interesting posts about digestive stuff etc. I too have the ‘rush to the loo’ syndrome when anxious but my currents digestive problems are similar but different to that, hence my desire to see the bloke who took out my gall bladder. But the effect on my mood is what I like least – makes me feel low. What a very open blog this has become and all to the aim of helping ourselves and each other.
    Thank you Pat, for your frank story of your life and relationships. I appreciate your honesty and hope that it might have helped in some way knowing that we are interested in you as a person. I guess I wish you had more company and activities in your life as I am sure that would give you a lift and distract you for periods on time. Distraction is not the whole answer I know, but it can feel like a ‘holiday’ from the inner churning and self awareness. Having even a few good hours can be something to look back on and give you the confidence to get more of the same. Do you have a mental health team on board? re there any support groups you could join?
    I suspect that maybe it has been harder for you to be open about the sad end to some of your relationships as they have been with women, particularly as the era in which you ‘came out’ was less open minded than people are now. Yes, you seem to have had a tough time and I am not surprised that the legacy is anxiety.
    Very interested to hear about your father in Hatton Gardens. I used to go to that part of London on a regular basis when I was working and loved looking at the amazing jewellry shops with the guards at the doors.
    Take care and hope the weekend is not too bad for you

  575. Kelly Says:

    Hi everyone

    I was just installing some software for my phone on my laptop and while waiting for the install to complete i decided to write a short poem about anxiety.

    I thought i would share it with you all. Hope you don’t mind.

    Each day of fighting is a battle in itself,
    Lost inside this empty fragile shell.
    The body that aches and the mind that races,
    Anxiety is what leaves these traces.

    Each day is a battle with this condition,
    You can’t help but think about the life you are missing.
    A dark place in which you see no end,
    You have to make anxiety your friend.

    Each day you wonder how long this will last,
    But one day this will be a ghost of your past.
    You can’t see the light but you know that it’s there,
    You can’t help but see the fear everywhere.

    Each day you wake with that dreaded feeling,
    is a day closer to your sensitised nerves healing.
    A bully that robs you of your personality,
    One day you will regain your mental clarity.

    Each day you fight to find a way out,
    your often filled with mounds of self doubt.
    You wonder if you will ever recover,
    You spend each day giving much needed support to each other.

    Each day you wonder if your going crazy,
    your mind is incredibly hazy.
    You look at how happy other people are,
    and wonder why you feel so bizzare.

    Each day is a step closer when you accept,
    To the recovery of this chapter you’ll never forget.
    Shaky nerves will be a thing of the past,
    and you will soon have your life back at last.

    Hope your all well xxx

  576. Rick Says:

    Kelly, that’s awesome…

  577. Nicola Says:

    Good day for me. I don’t seem to be afraid of anxiety anymore, which can only mean recovery looms :-). Yesterday I suffered loads of bouts of anxiety throughout the day, but I was able to see it all through with my logic in tact. Eventually I just stopped caring, sure I felt like shit but I kept thinking, it’s still the same world, just your perception has shifted and it will shift back, in fact the more it happened the less it bothered me, I really began to understand that it IS just a feeling. I REALLY began to not care. I know that once I stop fearing the fear recovery will be waiting for me. I feel strong and I genuinely don’t feel scared of a feeling anymore. Hope my post will give others hope. Hugs to all xx

  578. Nicola Says:

    Beautiful Kelly xx

  579. Jo Says:

    Great poem Kelly, well done.

    Nicola – that is something along my thoughts too about it being the same world. I say to myself ‘You are the same person you were yesterday and will still be the same person to tomorrow’ nothing has changed except the way I perceive it. I do get the not being afraid feeling now and again, but it doesn’t last. I also get fleeting glimpses of the old me, but again they don’t last. I think it has to be this way or it would be too much too suddenly, to pop back into normality just like that. x

  580. Nicola Says:

    Jo I agree, I think it needs to be gradual otherwise it would be a shock to the system. Xx

  581. kelly Says:

    Rick, Nicola and Jo – thankyou very much. So glad you all liked it xx

  582. Jo Says:

    Feeling a bit shaky again today. Just minor things set me off. Ben has a bad back and I thought he was going to pass out on the beach, then got home and James is feeling dizzy and unwell, then it started thundering and Meggie (the dog) was terrified and shaking and sounding as though she was going to have heart failure. Feeling quite edgy now. x

  583. Nicola Says:

    I know it’s hard Jo, but try to embrace it and look at it as a chance to practice overcoming your fear of fear. It is JUST a feeling. Don’t let it overtake you. Sometimes I find it helps to get angry and just say to it – ‘oh f**k off’ lol. Like it’s an annoying bully that’s all mouth and no trousers. Give it none of your respect xx

  584. Michelle Says:

    Jo , i went shopping and then we called at emley show , local farm produce and animals ect . there was horse jumping and the owner of a horse shouted at it , it wasnt doing anything wrong , the couple walking behind us were shaking their heads in disguist .
    Now i said to richard i felt panicky and the shallow breathing started , i managed it like we do.
    Im telling you this to help you ( and me )realise that in our present state we feel things stronger than others . So Ben having his bad back and feeling unwell , and james and the thunderstorm with meggie will of upset you , and even if your nerves were not sensitised these sort of things would of still not been nice for us .
    I know you probebly know all this but sometimes it can help put things into perspective . Things we dont like . Like what happened today with me , unfortunatly we feel it very strong , and can make us very edgy .
    The couple behind us did not like it , but i felt it more intensly and the breathing started .
    By the way the horse was in good condition and fine , she was just showing off , bit of a power freak in front of an audiance !

    I have just bought an ice pack from boots chemist for sciatica i get , tell Ben hot and cold alternate can be good with bad back I sympathise with him , when mine is bad its horrid pain to deal with .
    Hope meggie is settled , pauline use to be terrible even when it was just dark and rainy .
    Give your self a break jo , of course you would feel shakey with that happening , we just feel it more intense . xx

  585. Michelle Says:

    I meant the woman was a power freak , not the horse x

  586. Michelle Says:

    Jo , them fleeting glimses of yourself will get stronger in time , it can be tissue size layers , but we didnt have any glimses at one time . Its building up jo :-) :-) :-)

  587. Michelle Says:

    Nicola , lovely to hear your doing well .
    Yes sometimes a little anger with it does you good . x

    Kelly , thanks for sharing that lovely poem x

  588. Nicola Says:

    Totally agree with Michelle, we do feel everything so much more intensely than everyone else. It’s funny but as I’m getting better I’m starting to get a bit more blasé about everything, then ironically I begin to feel worried that I’m not giving things as much attention as I did when I was in anxious state all the time. Also as Michelle said, those little glimpses do build over time. There was one time I never had a break from anxiety, it was there constantly, every day, and I just wanted to die, just for some peace as crazy as that sounds. Now I have more normal times than anxious times. I remain patient though. I wouldn’t want to get on a plane just yet or anything like that. Baby steps and time is what I need and many positive experiences from here on in. Xx

  589. Jo Says:

    Thank you Nicola and Michelle, you are both right of course. I can’t even stomach food either, and I can usually manage a piece of cake or something.
    Michelle, you are doing so well getting out and about. I would have reacted like you over the horse incident.x

    Nicola, pleased to hear you are improving well. x

  590. amie Says:

    Some mornings I hate waking up. I just hate the stomach feeling and the chest feeling every single morning. Today I said f*c* it… I wanted to sleep in so I laid there with adrenaline shooting through my chest. Finally got up. Glad my hubby is home today. Sometimes its hard being so strong for so long. Sorry to be a downer! I just wanted to vent. Time to put my big girl parties on and head downstairs to start my day. I told my husband I’m so sick of waking up feeling like this and he said than don’t…. I said I have no control over it I can’t just get rid of it and he said with that attitude you won’t get did of it…. i guess he’s right in a way!

  591. kelly Says:


    No problem at all, its something I wrote in spur of moment :-) x

  592. Pat K Says:

    Thanks Doreen, for your understanding pos. However, I think it was a mistake to be so open and all those with husbands or partners and fanilies, no goubt

    Thanks very much, Doreen, for understanding post/ However, I think it a big mistake to be so open.. Let,s face it, most women have husbangs or partners and likely (secretly) feel impaticence with This women,s angst!
    You right about distraction, though. Here,s a silly question –Does anyone else live alone, with very few contacts and GAD? Suppose the answer is “Yes, for heaveb,s sake”!
    All good wishes to everyone.


  593. kelly Says:

    Hi Pat K,

    Sorry only just noticed you wrote to me on the coffee lounge. Hope you are ok. I did read your story and to be honest anyone would be anxious given everything you have been through so please don’t beat yourself up about it x

  594. Debbie Says:

    Jo sorry your having a stressful day, you’ve had a lot going on anybody would feel stressed, it doesn’t help your anxiety levels though, your have to chill out tomorrow.
    Poor Meggie she’s got her own anxieties too bless, we had some fireworks here the other evening poor Ruby hyperventilates you can’t cuddle her or anything so I know what you go through with Meggie.
    Hope you have a better sleep tonight that will help, tomorrow’s a new day! x

  595. Lisa Says:


    I recently had a little setback myself after several months of almost no anxiety. I was so disappointed in myself. The setback only lasted a couple of days, but it was a rough couple of days. In this case it was health related anxiety. I won’t go into the details because looking back the worries I had were silly and extreme. I don’t have high BP, but I do have a fast pulse. I’ve always had it. I had things checked out was I was in my teens and again a few years ago. The doctors say it’s likely just normal for me and that I shouldn’t worry too much about it. I’m 34 and today because I’m not having anxiety, I just accept that that’s how things are. Sometimes when anxiety hits me, I wonder if my heart works harder than other people’s and I wonder if I’ll have heart issues later on. I can really obsess over it. Again, because I don’t have anxiety today, I went for a run and it was great. I didn’t take my pulse and didn’t care. When I get anxious, I’m terrified to to anything to elevate my pulse. I have other health anxiety hangups, but I realize now that the worries only get out of control when my anxiety level goes up. There are other times when I can look at things rationally and know that I am pretty healthy. Someone posted recently about how when we get anxious, our fight or flight system gets turned on and it overrides the logical part of our brain. Thinking about it that was was so helpful for me. It’s normal to have some concern about our health, but we get into an anxious state, everything seems like it’s a life of death situation and our natural instincts make us fear that death is coming. This would make sense if there were a train approaching us and we were standing on the tracks. Lately, if anxiety comes back, I don’t so much try to make is stop. Instead, I expect that I will have bad thoughts and will probably think I have some horrible disease. I also know that they logical part of my brain won’t work the way it should, and that it will pass and that I will be able to reflect on it rationally later. I can almost laugh at how anxious I was about a week ago over something that now looks minor and trivial. At the time it seemed like a life or death situation. Hopefully, there are times when you know that your BP issue is just part of who you are and that many people live long healthy lives. You might go through periods when it seems more serious, but just know that those periods won’t last. Just keep telling yourself, “I’ve worried about this before. I do that sometimes”. Lately, that has worked with me when I go through rough patches.

  596. jc Says:

    Hi everyone I havnt visited this site for a few weeks now, but just wanted to come back to say a great big thankyou to paul for this site and his book.every thing he as ever said is true. I dont really have much anxiety anymore and when i do feel odd or off i dont care and i dont question it, i felt most of the
    things that people write about on here and it is a truly horrible place to be, just keep pushing through,it doesnt matter how you feel you can do it,i got great comfort from this site when i was feeling bad and i think its great how people on here feel really bad but manage to help others. ican also see some of you have come a long way in the last few weeks take care all and know you can do it xxx

  597. Michelle Says:

    Lisa and Jc , thank you for posting your achievments .It warms
    my heart to read success stories , and gives so much deep down hope to any of us that are still struggling through .
    Very best wishes and happy times to you both :-) x

  598. Nicola Says:

    Has anyone here overcome existential anxiety?

  599. kelly Says:


    I haven’t … I’m not quite sure how you do with that kind of anxiety :-/

  600. Rick Says:


    thank you for your response and advice. It’s appreciated. The thoughts that go through are minds are normal: everyone has them. The problem is, the anxiety causes us to get hung up on these thoughts and play them over and over. Our setbacks tend to make us feel like we’re never going to recover but we cannot forget what we have learned. The logical side will eventually take over and the annoying thoughts will subside. No one can take away the moments of peace you have experience in your struggle to break through. It’s just your mind playing tricks on you and making you believe this has to be a part of you forever. It’s nonsense. It’s so true that a sound mind has power over everything. There have been a couple times in my recovery where I have thought I had broken through and it was all behind. This setback has proven otherwise…so hard to wrap my head around it…hehe. You just want to get better! but we can’t have that mentality or we will keep on going round and round trying to fight it. It’s helpful to be able to share our experiences and realize we are not alone in our struggles. some of us may have similiar thoughts/experiences but each person’s struggle is unique. it’s comforting to know you can come on here and share without being ridiculed. it’s funny b/c sometimes I have to laugh at my condition b/c it really is nonsense if you break it down. One day we will all be able to look back and just laugh and what used to hold us back from reaching our true potential in life. Fear will destroy our purpose in life if we let it…it’s not how we were meant to be. Thanks to all for sharing and to Paul for starting this site.

  601. Nicola Says:

    Actually existential anxiety is not what I have, I don’t fear death, I fear another life after this one.

  602. Teresa Says:

    Lisa thanks for that posting – it makes sense from where I am at at the moment. I had anxiety which has finished up as ‘health anxiety’ – homing in on things and blowing them out of propotion. I really identify with what you say about when you are not anxious you can view the same health issue with so much perspective and it really is not a problem – however when you have anxiety it is all consuming. I feel relieved to hear you approach it in that way – and it does make sense, and is rational.
    Rick – you speak from the same place as me too – when you are in it you believe this is you forever. When the anxiety subsides you can then see that that is not the case. We try to hard to find answers, fix problems – move from this place in our heads/bodies – learning to let go and let peace find us is the answer, but if we are wrapped up in anxiety that becomes another ‘to do’. As Lisa said, acknowledge we have been here before, we are not thinking straight and we that if we just understand that that is normal while anxiety levels are up – it will pass – and it will not seem the problem it was when we look at it rationally.And to get there – we have to do ‘nothing’Thanks both.

  603. kelly Says:


    I’m the opposite to you. I fear non – existence. Being nothing forever. That is what scares me most.

  604. Michelle Says:

    Very positive day yesterday , i could actually see it all for what it is . Today a different story . I think it was jo that once said , how do you not notice it ? Surely we cannot help but notice how we feel .
    Its so hard to get it all right , what we are supposed to do I know the answer is to “do nothing ” but that can be difficult .
    Hope everyone else are having a good day :-)

  605. Jo Says:

    Hi Michelle,Notice it but try not to let it get you down. I felt rotten all day yesterday, but better today. Tomorrow will be better for you. Rest, do what you feel you can do and don’t try to push yourself too much. x

  606. Nicola Says:

    Acceptance Michelle. I had to go out today, 14 miles from my home and in the car on the way there I was freaked out. I just had to accept it, as soon as I arrived at the place I was fine the whole while I was there, and fine in the car on the way back. It’s just a temporary shift that will go if you just accept it, if you fight or freak out it’s gonna stay with you longer. Today while I was in the midst of that panicky frightened feeling I took the opportunity while it was there to really look at it and decipher what exactly is it that I’m scared of? For me I think it’s looking weird in front of others, whilst going through a bout of anxiety. I just get very very uncomfortable in the presence of whoever I’m with when I get that kind of anxiety. In the end it’s all just anxiety though, just depends what it’s attached itself to at this point in time.

  607. Michelle Says:

    Jo , thank you , im going to give myself a restfull day , we are so hard on ourselves , which i believe will never help the situation we are in .
    Good to hear you are having a better day today , it gives us a break and we can see it all much more logically :-)
    When i can write positive posts on here i realy mean it , and beileve it , then disapoints me when it all goes the other way .
    Having a better time than i was earlier today , still got a big feeling of ” uneasiness ” going on . One impotant thing i need to remember , give it as much time as is needed . xx

  608. Michelle Says:

    Nicola , thank you for your reply , it does help when others understand and give some encouraging words :-)
    So true i also get very uncomfortable in the presence of others when anxiety is at a high , even with the family .
    I have experinced that too , were you are anxious on the journey and fine when you arrive .

    One of claire weekes quotes is ” how can you be accepting it all , if you are still complaining ??
    Enjoy the rest of your day nicola x

  609. Michelle Says:

    Our brain is eventually bount to “latch on ” to letting the fear go .
    I am going to try to stop punishing myself , because thats what i seem to be doing x

  610. Nicola Says:

    Yes Michelle, don’t punish yourself, be proud that you manage to get through everyday. I really mean that, sometimes it can be so hard when you know that you have to survive everyday feeling like complete s**t and facing the awful fear so often. You’re strong and you should be proud xx

  611. Jo Says:

    Michelle that uneasiness is a horrible feeling I know. But look how well you have been doing, getting out and about. Just accept that you are having a glitch day as my doctor used to call them. i have jsut been to Tesco with Ben and went in by myself to get a few things, while he waited outside with Meg. I just got a bit anxious at the self service check out but it passed. x

  612. Nicola Says:

    Also thank you for your reply, it’s good to know I’m not the only one who goes through that feeling of discomfort with my family when I have anxiety. Though I’d rather you didn’t have it of course :-) xx

  613. Michelle Says:

    Jo , brilliant that you went in tesco alone , ive had the agitation , nervey feeling at the tills , wait …. like you did and let it pass .
    Think we know that to get our confidence back we have to feel it and stay .
    I have had a good think about how i feel today , and thankfuly i would not feel so scared if i had to go somewere , its the utter tiredness , complete exhaustion that has hit me today.
    Sometimes i do think im not to bad at “facing ” but when the tiredness hits , boy does it hit !!
    By the way im not getting overly confident although i wouldnt mind too haha .
    But sometimes if we realy look at it , like nicola said she did yesterday , and find out why we are feeling so bad on a peticular day we can find the answer.
    My husband has just said its hard for me to accept when i have to rest all day , because i was always bubbling with energy , but taking no time out and relaxation was no good for me was it ?
    Ive just read a little of claire weekes , its settling and everytime i read it i learn a little more .
    Some people might think move away from the books ect , but i find if i read and re read it sinks in :-)

  614. Michelle Says:

    Nicola , thank you for your kind comments , i have also just thought it is the week before ( our monthly cycle ) spare my blushes boys on the site.
    I always suffer more when the hormones going on as well .
    Did a lot better with it last month though , anxiety wise . x

  615. Michelle Says:

    Jo , what i was trying to get across in my last post is , i would rather confront the situations that make me anxious , than have the exhaustion days . Im still facing the fear of doing things , but at least there can be a sense of achievment on them days . And the re reding helps me to “truly believe it ”
    On a lighter note jo , ellis has been on a long walk with richard , he is black , wet and muddy .Bathtime for him .The very best walks are always thoughs were on returning home bathtime looms xxx

  616. Nicola Says:

    Anyone else who is on the road to recovery, or recovered, tell me whether when they did have anxious episodes, they found they recovered from it much quicker. Just lately I have found that when I get anxious or have a bad episode, I recover almost instantly, I mean it doesn’t effect me for ages afterward, used to be that an episode could effect me for up to two weeks afterwards, now I just move on straight away without the fear lingering. Surely this is a good sign?

  617. Jo Says:

    Why is it when I fall asleep in the afternoon I always wake up feeling weird and with DP. it would be lovely to have a nice snooze and wake up feeling relaxed and fresh.

    Michelle, I re read as well, especially when I’m having a bad time, it does help to settle you. it is hard to feel so tired especially when you have been so active in the past. There are times when I don’t even want to get up to see to meals etc. x

  618. Sophia Says:

    I feel very depressed and is on the verge of tears..feeling very lonely in this world and no one seems to understand what I am going through.. And worse i can’t explain! I seem to do my daily chores but my mind is in the depth of depression ..I feel it’s impossible to get a lift from that mood..
    Bcos whatever I do my mood stays the same! I just wanted to get this out of my mind..!
    Hoping and wishing everyone the strength to pass through the bad times and to be able to enjoy the good moments in life..!

  619. Nicola Says:

    Sophia are you on any medication for your depression? Xx

  620. Michelle Says:

    Jo , i dislike that so much too , would love to have a afternoon snooze and wake up ok . I can have one and do wake up a little less dp symptoms ect , it isnt quite as bad as it was , on a good day when im not fighting “it ” We have to let its do its thing , because it will anyway .But yes jo it would be nice to have a snooze without it happening xx

  621. Michelle Says:

    Nicola , im not recovered but would say it is definetly a good sign , and you are sounding well on the march to the recovery line :-) :-)

  622. Jo Says:

    Well apart from the sleeping incident, I have had a better day than yesterday. It is so strange how one day can be ok and the next terrible.

    Sophia, you are never alone here. We have all gone through or are going through the same things, maybe slightly different symptoms but we understand. You don’t have to explain to us. I think the trick is not fighting it, however hard that seems. The more you fight the worse you feel. x

  623. Nicola Says:

    You’re not alone Sophia, I went through the darkest of depression before I went on antidepressants, it was so bad even the standard antidepressants didn’t work, I tried everything to get out of it but in the end I couldn’t function at all, I couldn’t do anything, I wasn’t even able to look after my little girl. Couldn’t get out of bed, had absolutely no hope of getting better left in me. I just wanted to not exist, and believe me I know how lonely it is. I could have been in a room full of people and still felt lonely as hell. I just couldn’t beat both the anxiety and the depression on my own cos they were both too severe. Xx

  624. Nicola Says:

    Thank you Michelle. I need hope to beat this thing. Can I just say to everyone, it’s not enough to just let those feelings of anxiety be there, on top of that you have to carry on as if you are a non sufferer. I made the mistake of immersing myself in my anxiety and feeling it, pushing it to do it’s worst, and I just got worse, it’s not about that, it’s about carrying on with your life as normal and paying those anxious feelings no respect when they do impact on your day. Not to be mistaken with avoidance, but to give your life and living it more of your attention and time than you give the anxiety.

  625. Nicola Says:

    Hope that makes sense

  626. Michelle Says:

    Nicola , totally agree and it all makes sense what you are saying . We have to have courage like never before and challenge ourselves , and all those steps that we take are progress , even though they can turn out to be shakey ones and a few white knuckle rides . Sometimes it can feel awfull to do , but we must never run and give the toothless beast a three course meal .
    I realise i come on this site an awful lot , but the discussions , encouragment and utter understanding from others is by far the very best .
    I also think its nice to recieve a little praise from others , god knows we need it .
    I would like in the future to be able to push on more ,and challange myself on the very bad days .Yes we do have to carry on as a none sufferer , and i think the light at the end of the tunnel would become brighter . x

  627. Nicola Says:

    :-) I come on here a lot too Michelle, I love to read how others are getting on and share my experiences in the hope that it will make others feel less alone. X

  628. Jo Says:

    I come here a lot too, and why not? This is where we get help, understanding and a little bit of peace, so what’s wrong with that.
    Just trying to let my nerves settle now after someones burglar alarm went off at 7am. It was really loud and shrill and felt like it was boring into my brain. Nearly set off a panic attack.Had started off ok too before that. x

  629. EDSI Says:


    Does anyone here have IBM (Irritable Bowel Movement) syndrome or diarrhea caused by their anxiety?

  630. Jo Says:

    Hi EDSI, not irritable bowel, well I don’t think so anyway, but often stomach pains and the need to go earlier in the morning that I used to. Anxiety can cause all that, and more. x

  631. Michelle Says:

    Jo , have you settled down ? Things like that set me off too .
    Last night when richard came back from walking dogs , he came rushing in the house saying , quick , quick i want to wee. I said richard stop over reacting you sound silly , he raised an eyebrow and we both went in fits of laughing .
    We saw the funny side , how can i tell anyone to stop over reacting ? xx

  632. Michelle Says:

    Hi EDSI , i did not go to the toilet “solid ” for a long time when my anxiety first started . It took a long time for it to settle down but eventualy it did :-)

  633. EDSI Says:

    tnx michelle.. I been on and off in anxiety for the past 2 years.. different symptoms already went thru, you name it, I got it all.. but now i have this IBS thing and I hope I will pass this already..

  634. Jo Says:

    Hi Michelle, I did settle a bit but keep worry if it goes again (the alarm) Just done town and Tesco which was a mistake, as it’s so hot too now. Started to feel really bad in Tesco, tight chest, couldn’t breath and really thought I was going to pass out. I didn’t of course and we are back now, so just settling again. It was good you had a laugh anyway Michelle.x

  635. Michelle Says:

    Jo , it is very annoying and hard to understand why the symptoms can still come on after so much time , and after putting our selves in situations and “facing the fear ”
    Sometimes i think we are still leaning “acceptance ” and we are still a way off full acceptence .
    I know the feeling of being sure it is going to make me pass out , horrible feeling jo . It is no wonder we get shattered with it all . I do believe though that these shakey steps we take are helping , hard doing it though and when i get a panicky one i seem to forget all i have learnt , you stayed and got your shopping done jo , patients and more time for us xx

  636. Jo Says:

    You are so right Michelle – it’s a long hard journey, but we will get there in the end. Feeling a bit heavy eyed and groggy just now, but having an egg sarnie :)

  637. Debbie Says:

    Definately a long journey! I’m not feeling so good today, had an arguement with my hubby, we haven’t had one for months, I find when something like that happens I go down with a thud, so feeling really deflated and miserable! I’m trying to tell myself it’s normal to feel miserable after an arguement but I go so low it’s hard to climb back up, everything becomes negative and an effort, hate everything too! It’s making me smile writing this cos it sounds ridiculous! I thought this morning if he comes home lunch time I will say quits and give him a cuddle, but when he came in I looked at him and thought pig instead! It’s amazing how something not related to anxiety can bring on all the symptoms, it’s true what it says in my mindfulness book…it not the thought that’s causes the problem it’s how you react to it! x

  638. Jo Says:

    Hi Debbie, sorry you are having a downer. Yes it’s perfectly normal to feel low after an argument, but best if you can put it behind you and ‘forgive’ as Claire Weeks says. Doesn’t matter whose fault it was, you will feel better if you are on good terms, and that’s what matters. x

  639. Michelle Says:

    Jo , you say we will get there in the end , and we will . Believe in ourselves , we arnt doing a bad job at it all , considering what we are giong through :-) x

  640. Michelle Says:

    Debbie , we all feel upset , annoyed ect after an argument , but when suffering from this i do believe we are in “exagaration mode ” and things appear and feel so much stronger dont they ?
    Are you enjoying your book on mindfulness , it is supposed to be very good for anxiety , no doubt it will take a bit of time to learn , but as i always say , we are brilliant learners x

  641. Nicola Says:

    Michelle – Sometimes i think we are still learning “acceptance ” and we are still a way off full acceptance .

    This is totally it! Xx

    You can face your fear but if you don’t accept that you may get anxious or accept when you are anxious you’re not going to move forward.

    I still get anxious but nowhere near as bad as I did as I have accepted that it may happen at any time. Once you can accept that it will eventually stop coming! It will continue for a time because it has become habitual.

  642. Michelle Says:

    Nicola , well said . We have to eventually feel “true acceptance ” actually be able to feel it , in our heart and soul , then recovery will be done .
    I totally get what you are saying , it isnt just about facing our fears , its facing them with 100% acceptance , then i truly believe PUFF it will all be gone xx

  643. kelly Says:

    Hi all,

    Feeling a bit teary and anxious at the moment. Just heard news of a friend of my sisters passing away this morning. He was only 20.

    Feel like crying at the moment :(

  644. Jeff Says:

    Thanks to Michelle, Jo, and Debbie for their replies above. Jo: nice catch on the fish oil>vegetarian thing. Ha! I guess I can no longer call myself a veg. So glad you ladies seem to be doing better and are getting on day by day. Your support on this site is a gracious and welcoming thing.

    Doing better, but still having the occasional cry and anxiety over my lost love. I found a book at the thrift store the other day called “How to Survive the Loss of a Love.” It described pretty much everything I have gone through (without actually using the word “anxiety”). It was bizarre to open a book and read things like: “Sundays are the worst,” “Your body is dealing with it just as your heart is,” and “You will have scary thoughts, but they are just thoughts and cannot harm you.” That’s all stuff we’ve all read in Paul’s book and elsewhere, but good stuff when taken in context. If anyone else is dealing with all this because of a divorce, etc., I recommend it, it’s spot on.

    In regards to the “rush to the loo” sensations, I often think it’s the best thing about all this. I’m more regular now than ever:) Best to all.

  645. Jo Says:

    Hi Kelly, cry if you want to, there’s nothing wrong with that. So sorry about your friend. x

  646. Jo Says:

    Hi Jeff, glad you realised that was just a bit of leg pull :) I am almost a veggie but I do eat eggs, no other animal product though.
    It’s good you have found some comfort from the book. A bit of comfort is welcome where ever it comes from, isn’t it? x

  647. Mark R Says:

    Hi all,

    Not posted in a while as the setback was generally easing off, I found day to day I was more positive and I had even started to make plans for the future, booked a festival and started making plans for my business. even went on a date!! For around a week or so I was starting to feel as I did earlier on in the year. When the anxiety lessens and your mind feels a bit more lucid you can really start to plan ahead and lifes issues really start to matter again.

    Having said the above I have had an awful 2/3 days where I feel as bad as ever. I know that you have to take the bad days with the good but its hard to take on the chin when you feel okay for a week or so. I feel bloody terrible at the moment, full of stress, DP, no appetite and feel really sick. I keep crying my eyes out a lot as well. Nothing matters to me at the moment, I feel very low and I feel like I’m doing everything in robot mode.

    I don’t know really why I’m posting on here but I suppose a venting out is kind of a help in some way.

  648. Michelle Says:

    Kelly , so sorry to hear this sad news . Cry and let it all out xx

  649. Michelle Says:

    Mark R , sorry you are feeling bad at the moment , yes it is very hard to take the bad days , when you had been diong so well . I had one yesterday , and today its gone and my mood is much more positive .
    It would be nice if i could believe the saying “This too shall pass ” when the really bad days hit .
    I am sure your hope and positivity will soon be back mark , just difficult when your “in it ” isnt it .
    Vent out as much as you like on here , it helps to ease it all .
    I use to think , they will all be sick of me moaning on here at times , then i thought “you silly billy , your writing on an anxiety site ” thats what its for x

  650. Sophia Says:

    Thanks Nicola for your kind words…
    It is very difficult to understand how to deal with anxiety. Those internal dialogues are so constant and loud that we forget we are reacting to those and not to the world outside..I have been going through depression due to this..I don’t know how to interact with others as of now as I feel frustrated when I see my near and dear ones..don’t know what brings that reaction.they get a vibe that I am pizzed off with them.
    I am not on medication Nicola. I feel like its a walk on a tight rope to get the right attitude .either I don’t care anything or I care a lot that I can’t function!just can’t forget to think about me!

  651. Doreen Says:

    Had a good weekend away staying with friends who have bought a huge restoration project (farmhouse) in East Yorkshire. They had a party on Saturday night and folks slept on the floor or camped. We chickened out and stayed in a B&B. On Sunday morning a crowd of us had a walk on a beach and then lazed over lunch in the sun.
    Said with full confidence to the hostess who knows I have been having a tough time that mentally I felt really well. But this morning that horrid imp said ‘not so soon my friend’ and popped itself on my shoulder giving me a rough time for some of the day. Went on the bus though to see my sister and felt my mood lift as the bus journey to Harrogate is very pretty and the sun was shining. Not too bad now but hoping I sleep better than last night.

  652. Pat K Says:

    Thank you, Kelly for your support – it means a lot. So sorry that you are going through a bad time. Having this site and being abkle to communicate with people who really understasnd because they, themselves are suffering, or have suffered.
    You know that list of GAD syptoms that Paul put? Well, I seem to have the lot! Every day, what,s nore. An so relieved when evening comes and I,ve somehow got through anofher day. I find that Time goes so slowly duing the day (I definitely cannot stay in my flat alone in the afternoons, so even though I may feel tired a go driving with my dog, Denny. I know that insomnia rears its ugly head for many with GAD, .Also, according to a TV progranne, people of all ages nowadays, even th0ugh they do not suffer from any disorders. I never had the need before but I now take a sleeping pill – Zopiclone – every nigh
    Thanks once more, Kellyand hope things have eased for you. xt.

  653. Amie Says:

    I have a friend that went through a bad bout of anxiety for 3/4 months. I am going into my sixth month but I have decided that it doesnt matter how long anymore. I cant compare my recovery to others.
    Anyways – she told me something that really hit home. She said anxiety is like a bad song stuck in your head. It plays over and over and over and slowly but surely you start forgetting the words and eventually, youll forget the song. It might take a while for that to happen but it does happen. So, heres to hopefully singing a new song soon!!

  654. Jeff Says:

    Amie, that’s lovely.

    Mark R. I’m sorry you’re not feeling well. You know how to do this, though. You know what it takes to get yourself out. Ride this storm, Mark, and all will be well soon. Here’s to hoping we forget the lyrics to that tired old song. Cheers, friend.

  655. Mark R Says:

    Cheers Jeff, was going to ask how you were doing?

    Do you use Facebook or messenger?

  656. Nicola Says:

    Having a rough day today, feeling overwhelmed and terrified of my own existense again, I just keep telling myself I don’t always feel this way. However with this thought I can never shift the feeling that I’ve entertained an idea I shouldn’t have, and that the horrible feelings it brings will now always stay with me. Someone described it as seeing something horrific you’ll never be able to unsee. That’s what it feels like. What’s worse is I feel like I’m the only one who feels this way or has had this thought. Hope everyone is feeling better than I am today.
    Aimee is your friend fully recovered?
    Sophia the frustration you feel with your loved comes may stem from the pressure you feel to act ‘normal’ in their presence. I know I’ve had this, where I just don’t want to see them cos it’s to exhausting to act like I’m ok. I don’t know though, just an idea.
    Mark R, this is a good place to vent and I find it helps me, I worry cos I come on here one day all positive and the next I’m low again, but I don’t mind when other people do it so I’m sure they don’t mind either.
    Kelly I am sorry to hear about your sisters friend, I hope you are doing ok, I know these things can have a huge impact on our anxiety as sufferers. For non sufferers they grieve, for anxiety sufferers it can send them into a tail spin of confusion and anxiety. When my dad had a stroke (not the same I know) I wasn’t able to feel sad but my anxiety hit new levels. I felt robbed of my right to feel emotion over it. Same as when my baby was born, I wasn’t elated as I should have been, the anxiety robbed me of the next year and a half that I should have been able to spend enjoying my new daughter. It makes me so angry sometimes. Anyway I deviate. Sorry.
    Doreen I’m so pleased for you, you’ve done some things I can’t yet comprehend doing, you should be proud!
    I’m glad I have you lot to talk to.

  657. Jeff Says:

    Nicola, I too worried about coming back on the site and admitting a relapse in my recovery. Everything was going so well and then… bam, it was back. You’re right, though, that’s what this place is for, and I’m glad I swallowed my pride and checked back in.

    Yeah, Mark R. I use facebook. Shoot me a message on my mail address and we’ll connect. (this is a crazy address that I have had since I was a kid. I used to think it was funny and clever, now I wish I had thought more before committing to it, but if you’re going to friend me there you should know I have an odd and often dark sense of humor). Anyway, Mark, I’m doing better than I was two weeks ago to be sure. That feeling of two steps forward, one back, seems to be holding true; with the steps forward getting bigger and the steps back less intimidating. I’m pulling myself up again, little by little, and my days seem more positive in general now. Hope you feel better soon.

  658. Jeff Says:

    Mark, posted a reply with my email in it and forgot that it would be sent to moderation. I suppose that’s for best. I do use Facebook. How do you guys share info on here and keep full names, email addresses, etc. private?

  659. Amie Says:

    Yes she is. She has had 2 bad bouts with anxiety. The first was about 8 years ago and lasted for 2 months but she found out she had a thyroid problem that is probably what triggered it. Then about a year ago she had another bout with anxiety that lasted about 3 months. She said the 2nd time wasnt as bad because she knew what it was and she had a lot going on in her life at the time. She has been so encouraging for me. I know we will get better. We just need to give our body time to heal.

  660. kelly Says:


    I think when I added mark on Facebook he just give me his surname on here and I found him that way.

  661. Mark R Says:

    Hi Jeff,

    My name is Mark Riley ( i live in Birmingham, UK) My profile pic is me with a hat on at a festival. You should be able to find me…

  662. Michelle Says:

    Doreen , you are amazing how you handle it all . Reading your posts i have found you never add self pity . You certainly carry on doing things with “it ” still there . I hope you dont mind my honesty , you seem to get on and live your life as is advised to , do you feel that you are near recovery from all this ? x

  663. Michelle Says:

    Amie , thanks for sharing your friends experience , and she has a very good way of explaining that “old tune ” Sometimes little sayings or explanations can be a big “click” for us x

  664. Michelle Says:

    Doreen , what i am trying to say is when i read your posts , i think why does doreen still have anxiety because if anyone is doing the acceptance method , its definetly you . Does it just creep up now and again for you . x

  665. Jo Says:

    Morning all, not much I can add to the posts as you are all helping each other. Doreen, nice to see you again. Glad to hear you had a nice weekend, and hope you have shot that nasty imp. x

  666. Nicola Says:

    Ugh I can feel that dark cloud of fear and depression again, it’s weird how we have no control over these these things. I feel like I’m completely separate from my brain sometimes.

  667. Doreen Says:

    Michelle, Jo and Nicola – thank you for reading my posts and responding. I certainly feel like there are friends out there.
    Michelle – your question regarding acceptance got me thinking. I guess we all have our own image of what anxiety looks like to us and mine is that there is a veil through which I pass on a regular basis. On one side is the anxious me and on the other the me that on the whole gets on with life with enjoyment. I can go to and fro through the veil many times a day and when I am on the ‘horrid’ side I try to remember that the other ‘me’ is very close. If I strive to get back then I just feel worse but if I accept where I am and get on anyway then most times I find I am back where I want to be. Maybe the balance is on the anxious side for most of the day as it was yesterday but sometimes the day is pretty good on the whole.
    One of my stupidest habits is when I have had a really OK time I then scratch away at the anxiety scab and make it bleed again instead of letting it heal.
    But what I really try hard not to do is take any notice of what appear to be triggers for anxiety. I tell myself that it is me that is taking anxiety into that ‘place’ rather than the ‘place’ itself being the cause of the anxiety. And I don’t mean a literal place – I am using that word to cover any moment when anxiety has taken hold.
    I do keep busy and active as for me that is the way forward. Even if all I get out of it is the comfort that at the end of the day I can say “I did that despite how I was feeling’. However, the best thing that sometimes happens is the I feel totally normal which I think is what we all crave to feel.
    I hope this answers your question – in other words acceptance has not as yet led to me an anxiety free person but maybe it never will. But if my better days are as good as it gets then that is good enough.

  668. Kelly Says:

    Jo, Michelle and Nicola – Thanks for your sympathy and for replying. It’s funny how something like this can make your anxiety spike again. It’s funny because i barely knew the guy, only met him once via my sister but with him being so young, it really does hit you hard. I was just about to cook food before i heard the news yesterday and then felt sick to my stomach and couldn’t concentrate but still made a full cooked breakfast. I decided it was better to do something productive to stop me thinking about it quite so much. Hearing news like this doesn’t really help my death anxiety in the slightest though, especially hearing of it so much lately (my friends cousin died the day before 30 odd too).

    Hope you are all well.

  669. Kelly Says:

    Nicola –

    I know exactly what you mean, the first few months of being with my little boy were amazing then anxiety hit and it feels like the following months up until now were all a blur. It does make me angry too sometimes but better to be angry than sad eh? :-)

  670. Kelly Says:

    Pat K –

    No problem at all. I’ll be ok just got to keep soldering on and not let it get me down.

    Do you find driving to be calming and relaxing? I usually find it lifts my mood a little as does walking.

    Pat what you say about the list of symptoms, I was the same. I had so many that i didn’t know what on earth was happening. After having countless tests at the doctors and hospital it lead me to the diagnosis of anxiety. It took a long while for me to actually accept that it was anxiety and that anxiety could cause all these weird things to be happening to me.

    I hope your well x

  671. Mark R Says:

    Hi Doreen,

    It seems you have it nailed, I have been taking that approach of doing whatever, however I feel. It seemed to be working fine up until now but I seem to have hit a bad patch. I can’t seem to get motivated the last few days and I generally feel terrible all over. I feel so sick as well. For me my stomach has always been a problem with anxiety, stress etc. I think it is a chicken and egg situation. I’ve had a bit of stress at work which has knocked my stomach about, and now I can’t eat which is making me feel crap.

    I know what you mean about the ‘veil’, when its down everything seems terrible, life is hard. When you have moments/days of feeling normal and okay everything seems good again and its hard to imagine the veil being down. The veil is definately down at the moment. I’ve tried to tell myself no matter how bad I feel I can cope as I have done in the past, in much worse times. It was only last week I was chilling in the park with my headphones on and I felt normal, so I know its possible for those times to return.

  672. Mark R Says:

    Just to say I’ve posted my facebook name above, if anyone wishes to add me then feel free, its always good to be a face to a name.

  673. Debbie Says:

    Hi all still feeling wobbly this morning, have got over the arguement with hubby although I think feeling wobbly is hanging on. Went to town to get some bits for my kitchen in Matalan and the girl that served me had an attitude problem so that made me feel worse.
    Going to the gym later going to have a swim too, my daughters coming we are going to have lunch there too afterwards so that will be nice, hopefully doing the gym might help lift my mood, and burn up some weight before my weigh in tomorrow!

  674. kelly Says:

    Good idea Mark,

    My name on there is Kelli Collinson if anyone wants to add x

  675. Mark R Says:

    Just one more thing Doreen! Sorry!

    You mention in your above post if acceptance wont give you an anxiety free life but we have both mentioned in previous posts that we have come to this stage in our lives a number of times and then got to a better place for a few years at a time. That should be the end result for all of us on here.

  676. Jo Says:

    Great post Doreen, you put it so well.
    I have just had a walk to town with Ben, still can’t face going on my own. It felt a bit strange in the shops, but not too bad. I can’t do with the crowds but then I never could. My jelly legs got me there, but they had a bit of a struggle getting me back :)

  677. Michelle Says:

    Doreen , thank you for your reply .I am hoping with determination , consistency / practice , that i will make that veil thread bare x

  678. Michelle Says:

    All of us will i mean :-)

  679. Michelle Says:

    Jo , im just going into town , took me a long time to get there on my own , i use to say to my daughter i will never do it alone , but i did :-)

  680. Jo Says:

    Michelle, I can’t believe how scared it makes me feel, or why. I was never afraid of going anywhere alone before. My Mum even use to get onto me for taking Meggie in the woods on my own at night.

  681. Jo Says:

    Gary and Steff, hope you are both ok x

  682. Jo Says:

    And where’s Paul too ?

  683. Michelle Says:

    Jo , thats just me !! Things like that taking dogs late at night ect . Like yourself i was never afraid before . So what if at the moment , you go with Ben , do not punish yourself over it .Its temporary . Two years it took me to go alone , i just set off one day on my own , wasnt there too long , but did it and can now stay longer . There all phobias we have through “fear ” of the way we feel . It can get me annoyed at times because sometimes i realise “has it ever done me any real harm ” no , apart from making me feel bad .
    Have a nice afternoon jo xx

  684. Jo Says:

    You did so well Michelle, to get over that fear of going alone. I hope I can one day. Off to make some lunch now. You have a good day too. x

  685. Gary Says:

    Hi Jo,
    im not too bad at the moment, back into work tonight for 2 nights and im just plodding along getting on with things and letting anxiety do its thing walking beside me when i need too, i hope you feel a bit better after your trip into town, im not keen on crowds either, so just relax now you are back home, well off to bed for a couple of hours before i go in, take care xx

  686. Jo Says:

    Hi Gary, nice to hesr from you. I don’t know how you manage to go to work, but well done for getting on with life. You’re a star. I am feeling ok now, just managed a sadwich, at least i am improving there :) Have a restful sleep. x

  687. Jo Says:

    Just laughing at my spelling mistakes :) SADwich?, no, a happy one.

  688. Debbie Says:

    Doreen your so right what you say about acceptance, I too like doing things it makes me feel “normal” and at the end of the end I feel pleased with myself which obviously gives you the feel good factor! x

    Jo you say about not being able to go out alone for doggie walks etc, why don’t you try going just up the road and back then next day a bit further? When you realise you can do it it will make you feel more confident! x

    Had a good work out at the gym wobbles all gone feel “normal” whatever normal is!!

  689. Jo Says:

    Debbie, pleased to hear you are over the wobbles and feeling normal. I do go to the craft shop on my own, it’s not very far but it’s a start. I have thought about going a bit further and maybe I will one of these days, but basically I’m a coward :)

  690. Michelle Says:

    Jo , didnt stay long in town , had a large milky coffee before i went and that set the tummy off so soon back home .Your apetite is improving , thats good so is mine . Your far from a coward , coping with this . Dogs are the best arnt they ? Only went out for an hour and they fussed me like mad when i got back xx

  691. Steff Says:

    Hi guys,
    Just wanted to come on and here and tell you that I am doing a lot better, kinda stepping away from the page for a bit, feel I don’t need to rely on it at the moment! Just want to say hi to you all as you helped me immensely sending positive vibes your way! Lots of love xxx

  692. Jo Says:

    Michelle, you went that’s the main thing. Yes, dogs do appreciate us don’t they. Just been to field with Meg, and I wandered around with my camera while Ben played with Meg. A bit like being on my own but not quite :) Just chilling in the back with a cuppa now. It’s pleasant but looks like rain might come.x

  693. Jo Says:

    Steff, so pleased you are feeling more positive and able to cope without the page now. keep it up, and keep in touch. x

  694. amie Says:

    Does anyone else ever feel like this…. Every morning I feel like I can wake up feeling fine but then my brain starts thinking…. Thinking about things I have to do and if I don’t have anything planned I get an emptiness feeling right in my stomach and then the anxiety starts. It’s like I have to be busy all the time. I don’t know if its because I’m adjusting to being home with the kids now or not since I was just laid off or what. This feeling is horrible though. I keep thinking about the future and I know I have a lot to look foward to but there is just something in me that feels sick about it. Is it the anxiety? I keep worrying about being depressed. I still do things I love to do. I love going out and being around people but I have been so tired and would probably stay on the couch all day if it weren’t for my kids. I have been dealing with severe anxiety since march of this year…. Things are starting to get better, is this just the anxiety or am I depressed? Does depression go away without medication. I’m scarred to death of medication! I don’t feel suicidal or anything but I do look foward to bedtime.everyday so I don’t have to feel these feelings anymore.

  695. Nicola Says:

    Best thing to do Amie is go to the docs and have a depression questionnaire done. Although the fact you still love to do some things and be around people would indicate you are not. Or at least not too badly. Although when my depression got really bad all I did was sleep as I couldn’t bear to be awake, I just felt so awful ALL the time. Depression usually leaves you disinterested in everything and feeling extremely lonely and down. I think you would know if you had it.

  696. Michelle Says:

    Amie , i began to find it all a little easier , when i acknowledge i had an anxiety disorder , you can then start to see it for what it realy is . I do think knowledge of it , is definetly power . Being in an anxious state for a period of time , can make our moods low , and of course you will be adjusting to being at home , it will be a big change for you and will take some time to get used to . I know what you mean about feeling we have to be busy and distracting ourselves , because we dont like the feelings we are having .
    I have started to learn to relax more and watch a film on an evening , and im trying to see the feelings for what they are , ( uncomfortable ) .
    My mood has definatly lifted , as the anxiety lessons . Still get a bad day , but its all improved, as it will for you . Carry on doing the things you love to do , and also be kind to yourself , nice long baths , and “ME” time things .
    I also dont get on with late nights at the moment , a good nights sleep can bring such a better day .
    Most of us have to cope with the morning feeling , another tip i have found is im much better if i get straight up , no going back to sleep .
    You will get some good support on here Amie , and all them feelings you have are very normal , with anxiety . x

  697. Jo Says:

    Great post to Amie Michelle.
    Amie, Michelle is right, don’t stay in bed thinking, just get up (if it’s not too early) and have a shower, make a drink, but don’t lay stewing. I know it’s hard but you can do it, I know because I’m doing it myself now after months of trying. Mornings are always the worst for me, and I think for many others. I don’t think you have depression but as Nicola says, get yourself checked.Anxiety makes you feel terrible and it’s hard to believe all your symptoms can be caused by it, but they can. x

  698. Debbie Says:

    Jo your definately not a coward us anxiety sufferers are brave souls! You go out every day even though sometimes you feel awful, you go to Tescos too, it doesn’t matter that you don’t go alone, if I had a choice I’d rather go with Dom anxiety or no anxiety! x

  699. Jo Says:

    Thanks debbie, I do sometimes think I don’t try hard enough to do things though. x

  700. Mark R Says:


    I think depression and anxiety go hand in hand and I dont think you can have one without having a ‘mild’ case of the other. When you have anxious feelings and don’t feel yourself its natural to feel a bit depressed because you can’t seem to enjoy the things you used to.

    I think Nicola said it well really, my experience of depression is similar and you cannot bear to be awake anymore. I would wake up shattered, I couldn’t even wash as my nerves were so battered and it was painful, I had no memory and it was the most constant awful feeling. I gave up all hope of ever feeling better. I think if depression was the main cause you would know!

    In answer to your question, can you beat it without medication? Absolutely!! I did, it took a long time but I did.

  701. Bret Walters Says:

    Just going to chime in and say, great post Mark! :)

  702. sam Says:

    Hi Annie

    It is natural to feel depressed if you have lost your job, etc. Being depressed for a while is a natural part of life- which is why you shouldn’t get too worried about it. All of us here have the same problem, which is that we worry about our feelings and spend months, years trying to figure out what we need to do to get better. But if you had depression without anxiety you wouldn’t be worrying about it. You would just take practical steps to try and deal with it! And often the most most natural step people take for depression is the same as anxiety- just accept it as part of the human condition and stay in the world even though it is so tempting to close off. This is what is recommended in CBT and other behavioural therapies. Anyway, because you have it with anxiety, they are almost definitely linked. I know that emptiness feeling so well, but it’s alright you know, it will pass by itself. I have also resisted medication, and I think it is good to trust your instincts y’know.

    I also have been worrying a lot about what to do with my day. Not having much structure is a problem for most people. For a long time I was just doing one activity at a time, and that was quite good, but then recently I have been making a list of things I can do the following day each night before I go to sleep. This has profoundly helped me, because for sure figuring out what to do when you’ve lost structure in your life, and your mind is blank is really hard.

    Also, I can see how I keep wanting to plan things- like work out what job I will do in the future, or think of long term courses and goals to work towards. How to ‘get my life back together’ in a sense. But actually I’ve found that tempting though it is it is actually just too much, and I am just spending all my time in my own head rather than actually doing stuff! So I think it is a lot better and more practical not to think in terms of life goals and future things, but to just take it one day at a time, one activity at a time, and naturally I have found myself being inspired to do more and commit to more, without having to be in my own head thinking about it and working it out to much. It’s all part of accepting that you are not functioning 100% at the moment, and just letting yourself be like that!

    Take care,


  703. tfox44 Says:

    Hi Nicola
    And hi everyone!

    I hope all is well….considering the circumstances. I guess I’m just looking for a little reassurance. This dp is really getting to me. I feel like everything and everyone, including myself are unfamiliar and unreal. Like glass is covering my vision and understanding. When I think of who I am or just what life is, I get freaked out. Its so hard to look at my husband and feel so disconnected. I know we all want this gone. I just hate it so much. I feel like I can’t relax like I will loose my mind any minute. I also made a mistake by reading things on mental illness and scared myself senseless. Has anyone forgot what they once were and has your life dramtatically changed? I don’t want to do the med route. Sigh. But I don’t want things worse . I’m tired of living in fear. Can anyone relate? Thank u all and ill keep u in my prayers. Oh yeah and does anyone obsess about our body parts and how they work? Iye yie yie. I’m so tired of these thoughts. Chin up all someday life will be lovely.

  704. tfox44 Says:

    Oh yeah did I mention witth the dp I have confused thinking, times and words seem strange as well as my neighborhood…even writing this seems strange. I feel like I’m trapped and I’m tired and worn out.. for ppl to go thru this for so long is just so unfair. Sometimes I can’t even believe what’s happening. I’m scared to go out cuz I always feel weird, I’m scared to pass out and I get “flashbacks” all the time of random things. Wonder if anyone can relate?

  705. Debbie Says:

    REMEMBER! . It’s not the thought that causes the problem it’s the way you react to it! x

  706. Jo Says:

    tfox44, oh yes I can relate. I have dp a lot and I too hate it but this is the problem isn’t it, we are making it a huge enemy, and we shouldn’t. Strange, unreal, disconnected, yes all those. I feel alien in my own home, and detached from my family. Some days it’s worse than others, some days I feel like I’m going to go over the edge, and others I can feel fairly normal. Just thinking about it makes me feel strange and light headed. You are not alone. I too don’t want to take drugs, so am trying to manage without them. It is hard but I think it’s possible to recover without, it mat just take longer.

  707. Jo Says:

    Feeling pretty awful this morning! Woke about 4am from a very disturbing dream and just didn’t WANT to go back to sleep, so have had a tiring night. Was very difficult to get the intense fear under control, my chest and head felt like they would burst. Managed to get through anyway and now having a ginger tea and waiting to go out with Meg. Trying very hard not to react badly to this but it is so difficult. x

  708. Doreen Says:

    Hi all

    I read the stuff below on another forum and thought it dove tailed really well with what Paul is saying.

    “Have you noticed that when you feel anxious, your mind pokes at the anxiety all day long.

    We ‘check in’ every 5 minutes to see how we are feeling and if the anxiety is increasing, it upsets us more, resulting in yet more anxiety.

    Getting your mind out of the way is key to healing all anxiety. Once your mind is no longer fueling the fire of anxiety, your nervous system has a chance to
    unwind and relax.

    But how do you get your mind out of the way so healing can happen?

    You cultivate ‘Outright Acceptance’. 100% acceptance of how you are feeling.

    Outright acceptance of the anxiety, outright acceptance of the uncomfortable sensations or thoughts, outright acceptance that all will be well.

    Whatever you are feeling at that moment, you allow it to be present.

    “So that’s how its going to be today? Fine, then come on anxiety lets go, let’s get on with the day together”

    Then you gently move your awareness away from ‘checking in’ on how you feel, back onto life!

    You stop paying the anxiety attention, no matter how uncomfortable it feels and start paying attention to what is going on around you.

    If you are at work, focus 100% on that. If you are talking to someone, pay them full attention. Whatever you are doing, put all your attention there.

    Every time your mind flicks back to the anxiety, you don’t get frustrated but accept the way it feels (without trying to change it) and move your attention gently back onto what you were just doing.

    Don’t feel like you have to force this, it should be a subtle movement. You may have to do it a hundred times in the day but with practice you will master it.

    That subtle movement joins you with life again. Each time you do it, you inch closer to feeling more relaxed and at peace with the anxiety.

    BTW, this is not a form of distraction, you are not trying to avoid your feelings. You are accepting the way you feel internally 100%, while moving your attention outwardly onto what is going on around you.

    Up until now you may have been trying to ‘manage’ the anxiety with your mind.

    What you learn is that the fastest way to feel better is not to micro-mange your thoughts and feelings but rather to just get out of the way and allow natural
    healing to occur. You heal fast through the peaceful flow that comes from outright acceptance with outward focus.

    What a relief to know that we don’t have to think ourselves better, -we just have to stop getting in the way.

    Outright acceptance is like a strong current that takes you home to your care free self.

    Take a moment right now to cultivate outright acceptance”

  709. Nicola Says:

    Hi tfox, nice to see you again!

    Can anyone help me I’m a bit stuck. I have overcome most forms of anxiety, but I have one thought that I keep going back to. I am terrified by the idea of reincarnation or an eternal life in heaven. I never used to be afraid of these thoughts but since anxiety the idea makes me sick to my stomach. My entire life I’ve had mental health problems and it’s been so hard. To be frank I see death as my reward for putting up with all this s**t. I can’t bear the idea that I might go through it all again, and again …..

    I told my partner about these fears and he said he doesn’t worry about it at all, he only cares about the present. So am I worrying about all this BECaUSE I’m anxious or are these thoughts scary to everyone?

    Tfox, I’ve had every one of those DR/DP symptoms you describe, they are horrendous, but they disappeared as soon as I stopped fearing them. It’s just a feeling after all, next time you slip into it, breathe and remind yourself nothing has changed but your perception of it, NOTHiNG HAS CHANGED. Get used to the fear, embrace it, desensitise to it, act like your not going through it, focus on your next task, it will pass quickly if you can do this. I promise. If you fear it, it will stay with you.

    I am having to employ the distraction technique this week, as I don’t want to slip into another round of depression and anxiety. Decided to learn French :-) I will have a look at my thoughts when the anxiety has passed and look at it with a logical mind.

  710. Nicola Says:

    Jo make sure you rest or catch up on sleep as tiredness makes anxiety worse. I’ve been having some bloody horrible dreams too of late, like films they are. Hope you feel better xx

  711. Nicola Says:

    Doreen – PERFECT POST and exactly what has seen me get on the road to recovery. Xx

  712. kelly Says:


    I get similar thoughts to you except mine are more related to the issue of what if there is nothing? That’s what scares the utter crap out of me. However before I had anxiety I never really thought of these things and if I did they would be passing thoughts that wouldn’t bother me too much. Now the subject of death and what happens to us seems to be at the front of my thoughts constantly, its annoying but im learning to not react with fear as much as I can. Whatever there is, none of us can change it as a friend so rightly said. Anxiety does magnify things though and make us worry about things we need not worry about.

    P.s was it you that added me on Facebook? :-) x

  713. kelly Says:

    Nicola –

    My partner is the same. He doesn’t let things like that concern him, he is too wrapped up with living in the present moment which I know is how it should be because that’s all we have, the here and now. I spoke to him about it and he said ‘what matters is your here on earth now, don’t spend your time worrying about these things’. It is hard not to though when you get thoughts and they become obsessive to the point you want to find an answer to put your mind at ease.

  714. Nicola Says:

    Hi Kelly, yes it was me that added you :-)
    The thing about these thoughts is there are no answers, so you can’t kind of rationalise, it’s more a question of acceptance isn’t it. X

  715. Kelly Says:

    tfox44 –

    Hi. I don’t think it’s life that has changed dramatically, i think it’s just our perception of it that’s changed. When your in a state of dp you tend to analyse and question things you normally wouldn’t, i know this all too well. You wonder where the old you has gone but that person is still there, underneath the symptoms and in time the real you will resurface again. I had constant dp when my anxiety first started, it was so bad that i almost didn’t recognise my name and the people around me felt like strangers i’d never met. It was heartbreaking to look at my family especially my baby and feel no connection whatsoever towards them but knowing deep down i loved them.

    Gradually it does improve when you stop fearing it though. My dp hasn’t completely gone now but it has been improved significantly since i first had it. I feel more connected to the people around me now. I spent so long looking up ways to be rid of this thing but nothing worked. I wanted an overnight fix and couldn’t find one, the reason being there isn’t one. I wish i could see that i just had to give my myself a rest from all the stress and worry.

    When your in a state of dp i think sometimes you do forget how you once were, how you behaved, what you thought etc but know this, it is just temporary and will settle down. I really do sympathise with you, i think this has got to be the most upsetting and unsettling of the anxiety symptoms.

    I can relate to what you said about body parts and how they work. It hasn’t been at all obsessive with me but i have had random thoughts such as ‘isn’t it mad how your body automatically knows to produce milk when you’ve had a baby?’. It is probably a normal thought to have but as anxiety sufferers we tend to analyse why we have such thoughts and that starts the cycle off again.

    I think if you try to relax, chances are you won’t because you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself to relax and not be feeling fear. You will relax in time, we have to be patient souls but it does pay off in the end.

  716. Kelly Says:

    Hi Nicola

    That’s the trouble, it is hard to rationalise when you get these thoughts. Nobody really knows the answer, not even the best scientists in the world. People can guess and ponder about what really happens but nobody knows. We could spend a lifetime trying to find the answer and we still won’t get it. I think you are right i think it is all down to acceptance again, we have to accept that what happens … happens. It can be hard getting to that stage though.

    I thought it was you but thought i’d double check to be sure, when i got the add i had a quick nose and was like ‘oh someone with similar music taste to me! that’s a rarity :)’. Your little one is sooo adorable, bless!xx

  717. Kelly Says:


    Sorry to hear you have had a rough morning already. If you get a bad day today don’t worry too much about it, you’ve had interrupted sleep so that can be a big contributor.


  718. Jo Says:

    Thanks Nicola, been out for a walk with Meg and Ben, then did the dreaded Tesco with Ben so trying to stay normal, but still feeling a bit uneasy. I tend to ‘nap’ on and off in the daytime because if i go to sleep I end up feeling worse when I wake up.

  719. Jo Says:

    Hi Kelly, thanks. I know I shouldn’t let dreams get to me and I keep telling myself it was just a stupid dream,but it’s hard to let go of.
    How are you doing with the course, and what happened with the talent contest? x

  720. Michelle Says:

    Jo , well done getting to tesco and meggie walk . I have found and you have jo , everything is so much worse after a bad nights sleep , i know im repeating myself , but it realy does hit us .
    We have to look after ourselves more ,when suffering from this ,with nutrition , good quality sleep , relaxation . My arms and legs feel like “noodles ” today but have to get to supermarket soon . xx

  721. Jo Says:

    Hi Michelle, I have to say I didn’t much feel like going out this morning but I didn’t give in to it, and I am pleased I didn’t. My legs were very wobbly on the way back, so I’m resting up a bit now. You are right we do have to care for our bodies, we can’t have a strong mind with a weak body, can we? Hope you get to the supermarket, I know you will.xx

  722. Michelle Says:

    Shoulders and neck are so stiff , they feel sore .Wish they would loosen up x

  723. Michelle Says:

    Thank you jo , yes i will get there .Wouldnt mind a bit of my “resillience “back that i use to have :-)

  724. Jo Says:

    Yeah me too Michelle, it’s hard to take in how much we have lost isn’t it?

  725. Nicola Says:

    Hi Kelly, that you for taking the time to reply to my posts, I’m always grateful for someone else’s take on things. Xx

  726. Mark R Says:

    Hi Kelly,

    Its really good to see that you’ve turned a corner now and are giving others advice on here, can really see the difference in your posts! We were both in a bit of a hole around a month and half to two months ago! I seemed to have had a dramatic improvement the other week and started to get interested in other stuff, ive had a bit of a s**t week this past one. You can always see the difference in when you feel a little better – ie think more clearly and when your head is swamped with thoughts etc.

  727. Mark R Says:

    Hi Nicola,

    Just reading your post above – one thing I learnt from this recent setback is do deal with todays feelings today, not tomorrows today, next weeks today etc. – this will only set you up with more anxiety and definately loops round. Have a read of Helen’s replies to my posts in Paul’s previous topic. I know its not easy but fearing how you’re gonna feel in the next life is really detrimental. When I have a bad day, week etc I try not to extend it any further than that. I don’t know how things will be in the future – I could be a millionaire, homeless, male stripper (okay the last one is the least likely), know one really knows.

    When you are well and recovered you won’t have these thoughts plagueing you, even if you get the odd one you can shrug it off. Just try and cope with now, not the future. You may feel crap, we all do but it doesn’t mean you always will.

  728. Jo Says:

    Nicola, I have been thinking about your post on ‘after death’. I don’t know anymore than anyone else does, what will happen, but I am fairly sure that if there is something it won’t be anything like this. Why would it be ? If when you die, that is an end to it, a nothngness, you won’t know anything. But if there is something else it would be logical for it to be a different kind of existence, or there would be no point to an afterlife – I know I’m not making much sense :) My son believes there is something else but since my Mum died, I don’t. I don’t suppose this helps you much, but just wanted to share my thoughts on it. x

  729. Teresa Says:

    Mark R – sound advice, and it really is the answer. Recovery is bumpy but when you hit the bumps if you can take on what you said about not predicting the future it is a huge help and stops adding further ‘stress’ to your body – you really are reinforcing and reminding of what is so important. I agree about Helen’s posts too.

  730. tfox44 Says:

    Thank you Nicola. Nicoola, anxiety will stick to ANYTHING , ANY THOUGHT especially those that can’t be “proven”….mine was the opposite with dying. I WANT there to be heaven for me and my family and just a better world with NO anxiety. FOR ME, my faith has saved me in many ways. But I can empathize with your fears. I jump from one thing to the next. Our minds are so terrified but there is no reason for it SO it assumes EVERYTHING is scary….I wish I could wrap my mind around that very sentence I just wrote to you. -_-

    Kelly, thank you for your reply. It means so much. Dp has to be the worst. I feel so detached and on a different planet. Sigh. I look at my hubby and just want to be alone. I don’t get how this can happen to someone..but thank you for the hope u gave me. I’m tired of waking up and thinking of this and revolving my whole life around it. Life feels like a horrid nightmare.I guess its a BIT soothing to know everyday nothing but the same ol stuff happens but I want that peace and happiness to come back. I made a mistake by reading something and now all I do is wait for voices and hallucinations. Its incredibly tiring and petrofying. I also hate that we have a brain. I hate thinking so “off” when I know how “off” it is. Did you have flashbacks? I do constantly, I feel rather disoriented.

    Jo, thank you for your reply. Happy you can sympathize. So frustrating. I think a major part of this is occupying our minds with other things….so tuff when I have no interest and feel like I can’t walk, will pass out, or just plain dreamy when I try to do anything. Its SO HARD for me not to be terrified of this. Chin up least we have eachother.

    We should all try a E way call sometime, if we can make it work lol. Nice to know we are not aloneits been a year and a half for me (as well as episodes as a young girl) I dread this anxiety, I try not to but I feel so weird. Its summer out and sometimes I imagine its winter? I get the weirdest thoughts.. much love to you all x.

  731. tfox44 Says:

    3* way call I meant to say. Sry I type from my phone.

  732. kelly Says:

    Jo – good advice to Nicola. How come you don’t think there is anything more anymore? X

  733. tfox44 Says:


    Thanks for that post it def. Makes sense and is the way. Anxiety sufferers are so attentive , sensitive and caring….its hard to “let go” which is why we stay in the cycle. Sigh. I’m gonna try to take your advice.

  734. Kelly Says:

    Jo –

    I haven’t heard anymore about the talent contest, i think they may have been struggling to get people to apply for it. Still time yet but to be honest i completely forgot about it too.

    As for the course, I am enrolled now and all being well i should be starting my first year in October x

  735. Kelly Says:


    No problem at all. Here whenever you want another’s opinion :) xx

  736. Jo Says:

    Kelly, it’s since Mum died I get the feeling of nothingness. I’m sure if there was anyway she could have contacted me she would have, but I can’t ‘feel’ her if you know what I mean. It just seems there is nothing left of her now. Maybe that’s just because she had died and it seem so strange to me still.x

  737. Kelly Says:

    Hi Mark R

    Thankyou. I am feeling better now than i was a couple of months ago. It seems you are doing brilliantly too now compared to how you were. Sometimes when we feel like we are in a hole and can’t get out we feel trapped and feel no hope whatsoever of getting better but we are proof that you can feel better even after being so far down.

    I get glimpses of being interested in other things now too. I think in the end i actually got bored of thinking about ‘this symptom and that symptom’. I actually look at anxiety with an interest now, rather than it being some ‘devil’ that robbed me of my life. I have realised that anxiety doesn’t actually stop you doing anything so you might aswell do things with the feelings there.

    I see much improvement in you too since that last time we were both here feeling sorry for ourselves and seeing no hope of getting better. I am getting much more involved in things now which is good. Off for a meal tomorrow with some of the ladies from Theo’s playgroup then off to a pub afterwards for a bit of karaoke…. eek let’s hope they keep the karaoke away from me if i’ve had one too many Jack Daniels! Haha

    Anyway great to hear your feeling better.

  738. Kelly Says:


    Yes i do know that you mean. I know it sounds bizzare but sometimes i get this sudden coldness around me, like the room is warm but it’s just like a freezer door opening around me(that kind of cold). It’s so bizzare, happens now and again.

    Something really weird happened a few years ago, i went to a spiritual evening with my parents and my sister and at the time my nan(dad’s mum) was still alive but his dad had passed away a few years earlier. The spiritualist give a message to my dad saying about different things, then at the end of the message he said to my dad ‘your dad said look after my Jen’ (her name was Jane but everyone called her Jenny). We were gobsmacked. I am a big skeptic but that shocked even me.


  739. Jo Says:

    tfox44. It is hard there is no doubt about that, and that is why anxiety sufferers are strong people, because we keep going on, no matter what. Our thoughts and feelings can’t really hurt us. They make us feel terrible, that’s true. But we are not going to die or go mad from them. If you can question your sanity you are not going insane. When all this started for me around the begining of the year I lost all interest in everything too, but gradually they are coming back,Some days I just can’t be bothered with anything and others I get my crafting gear out and make cards. It’s an up and down journey, but you will get there in the end. keep faith. x

  740. Kelly Says:


    No problem at all. If i can help i’ll certainly try.

    Sometimes with this you do feel like you want to be alone. I bet you feel quite irritable too? I know i was but not as bad now. I used to get snappy over the slightest things with my partner at the time and would feel so guilty afterwards for being snappy but at the same time couldn’t help it.

    Dp i find is a bit like when your dreaming or when you just wake up half asleep-half awake. A lot of the time when my dp was really bad i would wonder if i was still asleep and dreaming everything that was happening. It was horrible.

    I don’t have flashbacks as such but i used to get really random old memories pop into my thoughts but it would be like thinking of the memories from an outsiders point of view if that makes sense? As if they were not my memories, yet i knew they were… so bizzare.

    Hope the DP settles down for you soon, i hate it, it’s annoying but i don’t fight a battle with it anymore because DP always wins haha :)

  741. Nicola Says:

    Kelly what are you doing a course in?
    Tfox, I really empathise with you, I know you are in a very dark place at the moment, I know because I’ve been there, in fact sometimes I still go there, I visited my mum and dad today who live 14 miles away, scared but adamant I wasn’t going to let the anxiety beat me, caused myself a panic attack on he way there and some serious DR on the way back, sometimes I just feel overwhelmed by life. Still I didn’t let the anxiety dictate what I can and cannot do and enjoyed my time there.
    Mark thank you for replying to my post, I’m kinda embarrassed about my strange fears, my head goes off on some strange journeys when I’m anxious! Of course you are right, I guess all of us here need to remember to be mindful, perhaps I will start to practice it again until it becomes habit.
    Teresa I wanted to apologise for how I may have come across the last time we spoke, I think inside I feel I have let myself down by resorting to meds, hence my defensive attitude, I know different now and just wanted to say sorry and I hope you are doing well

  742. Nicola Says:

    Tfox I feel you are probably still monitoring yourself all the time. Take an hour off from the anxiety, let it go, immerse yourself in something 100% and give your brain a rest. Really get lost in something without thinking about anxiety. You’ve got nothing to lose so give it a try, if it helps, try it again, just a suggestion. Xx

  743. tfox44 Says:

    Jo – yes truly difficult. I can’t wait until this is a thing of the past. And IT WILL BE. Happy you have good days x.

    Kelly – yes you hit the nail right on the head. Thinking I’m dreaming… old memories. I feel like the “me”before is not “me”. I also get scared sincei feel dreamy my mind will mistake me forsleeping and I will start seeing/hearing things that aren’t there. (Have a tremendous fear of mental illness – I went into a forumn I shouldn’t of went to) sometimes I really fear my mind will snap. I want to feel like ME AGAIN. I want to recognize my house, family, neighborhood. Those memories that pop up are the worst cuz I feel like I’m reliving the memories. Tho they are not bad. I hate this :(so happy you’re doing better. Keep up the great work. I will try also.

    Nicola- so happy to know you’re doing better and took my advice with going out. The second I go out I feel so dang weird. I’m having a bad setback for awhile now. But I am very happy for you and med is a personal choice…don’t ever feel u let yourself down. If it helps then so be it. There is nothing wrong with it. Everyone is different and ppll have succeeded with and without med!

  744. tfox44 Says:

    Thanks Nicola, I will. So hard but will try.

  745. tfox44 Says:

    Does anyone feel so confused about “life”? Like what it is to be normal? Or how to be a human being? I get waves of confusion and try to remember how I thought before or how “normal” ppl think but I just don’t know…..

  746. Kelly Says:


    I’m going to be starting a degree in Psychology x

  747. Kelly Says:


    I will write you a reply in a hour or so if that’s ok. Just put homemade cottage pie in oven and gotta bath baby. Back soon x

  748. Nicola Says:

    Tfox, confusion about life is my main problem, anxiety turned my world upside down, I don’t know who I am, what I’m here for, how I’m supposed to feel, what normal is, I’m truly scared of life, I just hold onto the hope that if I keep going it will one day all click into place again. One sensation I get sometimes is I look at the world around me and think WTF is all this? It always makes me laugh when people make reference to miracles or want something ‘amazing’ to happen, I always think ‘open your f**king eyes, isn’t this miracle enough for you. Sometimes I cannot fathom that everything I’m seeing is even real it’s all so beyond me. And to think I spent 28 years of my life in blissful unawareness of how miraculous this world is. I only wish my fear were replaced with a warmth and love for the world, a happiness that I am a part of it. Xx

  749. Nicola Says:

    Better bath my baby too :-)

  750. Nicola Says:

    Tfox I promise you you are SO not alone in the way you are feeling right now. You are suffering with obsessive rumination, please try to rechannel your mental energies. Leave the anxiety alone, you won’t lose your mind xx

  751. Jerry Says:


    I know exactly how you feel. I’ve had excellent MONTHS and the last 3 days have been pretty tough. I guess we just have to keep focused on the fact that the good days are signs of recovery, and the bad days are days of testing and strengthening that recovery, depending on our perspective. I’ve realized how much anxiety has prevented me from reaching goals, career goals, personal goals, etc. And its quite overwhelming as I am forced to confront MANY mistakes I’ve made… We all get sick of being this way, but have to remember that we can still function, even when our minds tell us we cant. Hope things get better Mark. I’m sure they will in due time.

  752. tfox44 Says:

    Omgoodness, Nicola you took the words right outa my mouth. I say the same thing about the miraculous world. Ppl wantt wonders but THIS LIFE IS A WONDER and I want my anxiety GONE to ENJOY IT. I’M JUST SO LOST AND CONFUSED. I look around andthink wtfrig too….I’m so confused alttho I still have my faith…but anxiety makes things seem so weird.

    Sure kelly. Look forward to hearing from you.

  753. DCYL Says:


    Responding to your 8/7 note about staying busy or feeling lonely – I was like as recent as just a few months ago. When I was busy, I was quite fine. But on days where I didn’t have anything planned after work, my mind would wander and I would get anxious.

    A part of it is that anxiety magnifies feelings. I admit that on some days, things are pretty slow for me. I am not married / no kids / no significant other. While I do spent time with people in various activities, it is not a 7 days a week thing. So when things were at their worst, sitting around at home was not the most pleasant thing.

    On the flip side, things had been pretty well for me up until the last few days. I was tired and took naps and that threw me off a bit the last few days. So been feeling slightly anxious!

    What people need to do is ride the extreme feelings out because that’s all they are: FEELINGS. I see a lot of people asking questions about specific items and wondering if something is wrong. There is nothing wrong with you except that your feelings are being exaggerated. Once you get past that first part, in time you will get better. :)

  754. Nicola Says:

    DCYL I’m glad you wrote that post, I needed the reminder about our feelings being magnified, thank you!

  755. Kelly Says:


    Yes i feel like that too – the new me is not the old me. It’s not as bad now as it was though. It’s bad to look at pictures of yourself and it doesn’t look like you. The old us is still there though but temporarily buried under an anxiety umbrella.

    Your mind will not snap, i promise you. At times i thought i had lost my mind i felt so disconnected from everything. I thought this is it, i’m going crazy but people with a bad mental illness a lot of the time don’t recognise they have a problem. We do.

    You will feel like you again, as soon as the fear starts to subside the ‘real’ you will re-emerge. It may be in layers but it will happen for sure. Don’t worry, it may take time but you will get there.

    In regards to your other comment about what it is to feel and be normal. I don’t know if this is what you mean but it’s like you wonder what other people think about on a day to day basis? What do ‘normal’ people do? How do ‘normal’ people behave? You are normal, we are all normal … we are just temporarily wrapped up in a cycle of anxiety. Constantly looking in on how we feel, wondering how long till we get better etc takes it’s toll while most people are thinking what to do on the weekend or what to have for tea.

    I started to look at DP in another perspective, instead of thinking ‘i wish this damn thing would go’, i would think ‘oh well, while i am in this state i am seeing the world in a whole different way to what most people do, most people wouldn’t have this experience’. So that’s exactly what i done, treated it as an experience i could learn from.

  756. tfox44 Says:

    Thanks Kelly. I could deal with this before but had a bad setback and just want the dam thing gone now. I feel so trapped like I want to get my fist and break through this “barrier”I’m trapped in my head. But I am having trouble getting out now cuz I HATE feeling like this. I’m fed up. I know this is counter productive – just having a difficult time. I hate this can even happen. I’m sry I’m such a downer, I usually have no problem picking up others, I’m just so worn out. I would much rather not have a limb then deal with brain issues. Thank u for your reply Kelly. I will keep trucking. Gotta try to accept, be patient and try to think more positive.

  757. Pat K Says:

    Hallo Paul,
    I know you cannot answer personal questions nut would someone PLEASE reply to one I posted recently? I cannbbot believe that others on this site do noit live alone now, have daily long term GAD, amd vatious physical disabilities., preventging much exercise, though I certainly do go out. I have ab entrenched fear of what is within me and will I lose my sanity thtough loneliness.?
    Please do not think that I believe that ny suffering is greater than others with GAD etc, because I know that it is not thr case by any means. I admireaire their courage and the generous support they give to onbe another.
    Very nest wishes.
    Vert best wishes..

  758. tfox44 Says:

    I fear that too Pat. Don’t worry. I’m married but don’t work while my husband does. I hardly go out. You’re not alone.

  759. Carlie Says:

    I meant to post this a few days ago, oops!

    ginger797 – That’s exactly how it makes me feel! Good to know I’m not alone. And the supplement I take isn’t a tea but it’s called Dong Quai. :) I take it by itself, but there are other supplements that contain Dong Quai along with other herbs. It’s supposed to help balance your hormones, and it definitely seems like it does that for me. I don’t get any side effects from it. It’s worth looking into!

    Will – That fear about questioning your sexuality, I had that same one for about 2 years, so you are definitely not alone. Eventually I just forgot about it and it lost its effect on me, which is usually the same thing that happens with other forms of anxiety. I thought it would never go away… it was truly awful. Just from reading your post, it sounds like the exact same thing I had, and I know you’ll get over it too! Just be patient and keep living your life, you won’t have those fears forever.

  760. Teresa Says:

    Nicola – its not a problem at all, please don’t worry about it. The nature of our problems are we worry if we do and we worry if we don’t , hope you’re doing ok- Thank you and take care.

  761. Michelle Says:

    Lovely helpful posts today ….. your all paying it forward :-) :-) :-)

  762. tfox44 Says:

    Hi guys. Applied for a job today. I got fired from my last. Very nervous. Don’t know how I will cope, but hopefully its for the better. The old me would of been excited, I hate the new me. Hope everyone is doing well. X

  763. Ron Says:

    Hi guys!

    Having read many of the inspiring posts here now for a while I have come sply to view my condition as a simple series of events that when misunderstood and engaged in with a view to avoid or fight can encapsulate us within its graps and imprison us within the cycle!

    My own anxiety is now not really defined by location or event!! I can go anywhere speak to anyone and by in large carry out those basic and more complicated routines that at one point for me appeared insurmountable!! My problem with anxiety exists with the feelings of fear themselves and not necessarily any specific place. I have begun to try and accept this in itself as nothing more than symptoms of a condition that although at times overwhelming can do me no real harm. Just wondered if you had any advice for me based on the idea my own anxiety while being as horrid and distressing as any other is not simply confined to person or place and is more a fear simply of the condition itself. A fear of fear if you like. Me er knowing when that period of respite is around the corner! Although I suppose this admission alone is further proof that I’m still trying to rid myself by not simply practising acceptance!! Any thoughts and advice would be would be welcomed.


  764. Nicola Says:

    Hey Ronnie, it’s a difficult one, everyone with anxiety is afraid of the fear, whether they realise it or not, they avoid certain people or places because they don’t want to feel the fear they think those people or places evoke. You, like me recognise where the real fear lies – in our heads. Unfortunately in my case, I can’t speak for you, this leaves me unable to escape the fear, after all avoidance won’t bring me any peace as I can hardly avoid my own mind!

    Have you ever heard the saying ‘neurons that fire together, wire together’ in other words the more you think of the anxiety the stronger you make those anxious pathways, and the longer it lasts and the stronger it gets. The only advice I can give you is to take each day minute by minute, refocus your mental energies into something else, and completely let the anxiety go whilst you do so – for a while this will take some mental doing but in the process you will undo those ‘wirings’ and weaken those pathways.

    Some activities I use are reading fiction, exercise and at the moment I channel my mind into learning a new language in the evening, as this is when I suffer most.

    Best of luck

  765. Nicola Says:

    Tfox – wow well done, and good luck xx

  766. tfox44 Says:

    Wondering if anyon completely lost their sense of self? Like they “know” who they are but feel like they have no clue who they are?

  767. tfox44 Says:

    Thank u Nicola, how r u? I love your learn a new language idea!

  768. Nicola Says:

    Merci Tfox, comment vas-tu aujourd’hui? :-) he he x

  769. Doreen Says:

    Hey tfox44 and Nicola – do you post very late or are you in a different time zone?

  770. Nicola Says:

    England Doreen, you? X

  771. Nicola Says:

    Although yes last night I posted about 3 in the morning I think.

  772. Doreen Says:

    Yes – England. You keep late hours then.

  773. Doreen Says:

    Struggling a bit folks. One good day is followed by at least one bad one. Tuesday had a great day doing various things – yesterday should have been fine as I went out to a lovely local RHS garden with a friend but that anxiety button seemed firmly pressed on all day.
    Think it was Nicola who said that she finds it hard to avoid anxiety because it is in her head and not in any particular place. I think hard as it seems at the end of the day that is the way out too Nicola. Otherwise (unless the place we fear is somewhere really obvious like the tube in London) we can end up avoiding more and more places because in reality we are taking the anxiety with us. So the beautiful gardens yesterday were not the trigger for my anxiety, it pooped itself in my bag and decided to come for the ride too.

  774. Doreen Says:

    Goodness what a Freudian slip. Anxiety didn’t poop – it popped.

  775. mm16 Says:

    Doreen , that little spelling mistake made me smile :-)
    It wouldnt suprise me if anxiety did start pooping in our bag , it manages to do just about everything else x

  776. mm16 Says:

    Doreen , arnt you right we can start to avoid “beautiful places” Its definetly a “jailer ” . If we let it . I still think your fantastic at facing it all .
    Hope you have a nice weekend , the sun is out x

  777. Mark B Says:

    Hi All,

    Haven’t been on for a few months, but having a bit of a setback and after some advice. To cut a long story short I originally started with really bad panic attacks and anxiety, but after reading Paul’s book and thus gaining an understanding of what they were I haven’t had a panic attack since. (4 months now) Felt so relieved and was fine for probably 1 month.
    But i’ve found that I seem to have developed quite bad OCD regarding being gay! Its stupid as i’m 35 and never had these thoughts before and am happily engaged and always liked girls. In Paul’s book he never really mentions OCD. I’ve tried to follow Pauls advice on just saying ‘whatever’ to these thoughts and stop doing my ‘rituals’ like constantly checking and testing that i’m not gay. This worked to a point till I had a dream whereby i went on a date with a bloke behind my mrs’s back!! When I woke from this dream it sent me into a mad panic and all the good progress i’d made fell to pieces as I’m now constanly questioning myself! its shit! Has anyone else had disturbing dreams or disturbing thoughts so much that they seem like OCD! The stupid thing about the dream is that i can’t really remember it very clearly and the bloke could have been a girl for part of the dream!! ITS crazy!! Its as if as soon as i’m better from one thing my brain tries to find something else to worry about/obsess about.. In fact the thoughts about being gay came into my head from reading this blog about someone else doing the same thing and I thought to myself ‘that would be bad’ if I worried about that. and guess what happened! I find it strange as i’d never suffered from any sort of anxiety/panic/ocd issues till the last 6/7 months.. It came out of the blue really.. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, not seen anyone suffering with bad dreams really on this forum. cheers Mark

  778. Jo Says:

    MarkB, let me assure you that I have plenty of ‘bad’ dreams, or weirdly bizzare as I call them. The dream has merely come as an outlet for your worries and fears. You are worried about being gay and so you dream about it. Nothing to worry about, it’s just your mind sorting through all the stuff it has to go through! I’m not sure that OCD is the right term for what you are experiencing. I think that is when you constanly repeat something – like washing your hands, or checking you have locked the door umpteen times. I believe your anxiety has latched onto the gay thing, and it’s stuck in your brain. maybe the best thing is to explore these thoughts(instead of trying to fight them) and you will then realise that is all they are, just thoughts and stupid dreams.

  779. Jo Says:

    Doreen and Michelle – I am laughing at your posts!
    You are so right Doreen, it’s strange how that happens – a good day, a bad one. But at least we are having some good ones! I have the lead chest again today, but it’s going to town with me, like it or not :)

  780. Mark B Says:

    Thanks Jo,

    I think the thing that got me about the dream was that during the dream I wasn’t panicked or disgusted/against the idea!! It was only when I woke up that i thought ‘what the hell was that’ And then because I was ok with it during the dream that panicked me more! wierd. Was thinking about it all day after that!
    Thanks again MarkB

  781. Doreen Says:

    I guess I would question if in fact the idea of being ‘gay’ is such a nightmare for you. I am glad you were no more panicked or disgusted by the idea of being with someone other than your partner than you would have been if it had been a female. So maybe you were ok about the gender of the person but not ok about the ease with which your dream let you have this relationship. And by saying this please don’t think I am suggesting that in fact you are ‘gay’ Just that if you could let go of the idea that being gay is disgusting then you may not have it as one of your fears any more.
    And at the end of the day, it was just a dream.

  782. Debbie Says:

    So many posts to read since I was on here a couple of days ago!

    Mark B. I’ve said this before but I think it suits you at the moment…it’s not the thought that causes the problem it’s how you react to it!

    I’m ok little wobbly but getting on with things! x

  783. Jo Says:

    Mark B, you are welcome. It’s strange how are dreams disturb us so much. I know when I’ve had a particularly disturbing one it can linger for days, but I try to put them out of my mind as much as possible. I suppoe it’s a bit like a computer de-fragging. Our minds are just trying to make sense of information received and put it in the right slots. When you think, we have to take in so much information during the day, what we see and hear arounds us and on tv etc, it’s no wonder things get jumbled.

  784. Jo Says:

    Hi Debbie, glad you are coping ok. I have just been to town and Tesco, and survived but needing a rest before lunch. x

  785. Jo Says:

    PatK, I live with my husband and son, but I can understand what you are going through being alone. It is my biggest fear – being alone, I don’t know how I would cope. You are doing really well, and please don’t worry that you lose your sanity because I’m sure you won’t. I know there are plenty of people living alone, and some even prefer it that way. x

  786. mm16 Says:

    Jo , go way of explaining it like de-fragging a computer . We have certainly been overloding the google search in our brain .
    Town and tesco done for you , have a nice sit in the garden . xx

  787. mm16 Says:

    Good way , not go way x

  788. Jo Says:

    Hi Michelle, just having a salad sarnie, indoors because believe it or not, it is quite cool in our back, but scorching in the front. x

  789. Nicola Says:

    Hi everyone, in a much better place mentally now i’ve redirected my thoughts.

    Einstein said that the solution to any problem will NEVER be found on the same level as the problem itself. Therefore, you will not be able to think and analyse your way out of a problem that exists in your mind. (as stated by someone on here before, and so true!)

    The only thing that gives power to a thought is your interest in it!

    Tfox do you have a Facebook account or something there is something I want to send you.

  790. Nicola Says:

    Mark B, I have some well weird dreams and a few nightmares too but it’s cool with me, I’m never an ‘anxiety sufferer’ in my dreams. I love them all, they’re like movies! An exploration of different scenarios I will never live in my real life.

  791. amie Says:

    When I was at my worst in april I had horrible horrible dreams. Dreams that would send me into a panic so bad. I never wanted to sleep because of them they scarred me. They seemed so real. I started taking 2 benadryl tablets before bed and I’m not sure why but it helped. I started getting a more restful sleep, no horrible dreams. I did this for 2 weeks and now I sleep well. I wake up feeling like crap but with time this shall pass also. Not sure if it would help you but worth a shot.

  792. tfox44 Says:

    Nicola, what’s your full name…I will look you up on facebook.

    Sry to ask this aagain just wondering if you guys can relate to “knowing” who u r but not feeling who u r.

    And last question is anyone scared of their brain? Like how much power it has to change your life.
    Thanks and hope all is well.

  793. mm16 Says:

    Hi tfox44 , all these frighting feelings , thoughts and scared of your own brain , are perfectly normal when suffering from anxiety . That sounds awfull as i type it , but there in no point me sugar coating it all . It is all about fear isnt it .
    I was sure i would eventualy end up going insane , but didnt and wont do . As we educate ourselves and start to learn what this is all about , the fear does start to drop and slowly our fears become less and we begin to see improvements happening . I have felt as far away as my true self as could possibly be . How am i now ? Keep seeing the old me peeping through , and i can bet you the whole world , you will too :-)
    All this can take time , some not as long as others though .What you have just said “scared of your own brain ” sums it up so well , with me anyway . Yes i was scared of me , but looking back i wasnt at all realy .I was frightened of “anxiety “and the weird thoughts and sensations it brings on us . Yes im still frightened , but not as much and that helps the whole situation .
    Dont ever be put off if you have to post a lot , we need support , true understaning and encouragment . We try to control it all , and thats only natural when something feels so bad . As soon as we start “letting go ” little fragments of peace start to seep through .
    We all understand what it is like , a little help from this and that and different opions can be so good x

  794. Michelle Says:

    Wonder how i ended up posting as my old name mm 16 , we dont want her back haha its michelle x

  795. Jo Says:

    Michelle, your posts are so good and helpful. x

  796. Nicola Says:

    My full name is Nicola Rayner and my profile has a black and white side shot of my gorgeous face :-p

  797. tfox44 Says:

    Thank you Michelle. That really meant so much. This scared feeling is jumping on everything. To be scared of myself is truly a bummer since I can’t get away from me. I feel bad writing so much because I care so much about you guys and want to lift you guys up but I’m so very down at the moment :( but thank u soooo much.

    Lol ok Nicola, searching now.

  798. Nicola Says:

    Lovely posts Michelle! xx

  799. Michelle Says:

    Thank you tfox44 and jo for your kind comments .
    Last few days that anxious tummy has been back for me , as bad as it was at the very beggining did not realise how much it had settled down .Hard no to notice it , and even harder to accept it . Some of the symptoms we dislike more than others , oh i dont like the churny , sickly stomach x

  800. Doreen Says:

    Gorgeous indeed Nicola. Hope the weather has been as good for you all as it has been here in Leeds. Much better day and about to go out for a meal with the gang from Rock Choir. Helped at a nice event in the local park – a arts group doing crafty things with children in a big airy tent so not too hot. They were making large leaf shapes with various bits and pieces in a laminate pouch which was then sealed and the leaf shape cut out, if you can picture it. We collected leaves in the nearby woods before starting. I was really low key about the whole thing – no great hopes other than to be able to go and in fact I found myself getting less anxious the longer I was there.

  801. Pat K Says:

    Hallo Jo, Thanks so much for your encouraging support, Hicola sounds highly intelligent, (not that the rest of you are not also.) I thoiught that Michelle,s , a.k.a mm16, was really full of insight, true and relevant to so many.
    Yes, Kelly, driving does relax me a fair bit aznd keeps my mind of the subject of me, me, me! Of course my devoted friend, GAD comes with me, like a back seat driver.
    Hope everyone is reasonablyo.k. x

  802. Nicola Says:

    I’m reasonably ok Pat, you? :-) x

    I have a question I want to ask you guys out of morbid curiosity. Well – when my anxiety was at it’s very worst I started to have experiences which, were I not already diagnosed with severe anxiety, would probably have been mistaken for paranoid schizophrenia, in fact my sister thought I was at one point! I would have feelings that people were watching me, or thoughts that people were coming down the road after me, like in gangs. Difference is a part of me knew this wasn’t true, but I was really scared at the time and reacting as if it were true. The mental health team assured me it was just really bad anxiety. My aunt did have a psychotic break last year and mental health issues are rife in my family, so this worried me too. Anyone else had this sort of thing happen when they were at their worst?

  803. Nicola Says:

    Doreen, I can picture your day, sounds lovely, reminded me of a place I used to go when I was young. Fond memories xx

  804. Michelle Says:

    Pat K , arnt you right about the subject being me, me me ! Yes nicola sounds highly intelligent to me also . Glad you go out and about driving and a good way of putting it , take it with you like a back seat driver .
    Both my daughters are moving to new houses this week pat , i dont feel anxious about it , but the tummy anxiety is real bad at the moment .It doesnt take much for us to set it all high again does it ? Well i feel anxious everyday , but i wonder if them moving is effecting my symptoms , we dont get on well with big changes do we ? Nice to hear from you again Pat . Lets all have a relaxing evening , says me with the butterfly stomach haha x

  805. Debbie Says:

    Jo well done on your walks and tesco, I’m glad you are managing to eat a sarnie to! I’m just recovering after a sess at the gym! x

    Michelle I think your right about not liking changes I find any change of routine seems to affect me, weird isn’t it? It’s like the anxiety devil pops up and thinks it has a chance to get us! x

  806. Carlie Says:

    Hey guys, still just struggling with the depersonalization. But I’m very thankful that my EXTREMELY high level of anxiety has returned to… normal, I guess? I feel a lot better now. I just still don’t feel like myself, and sometimes thinking about the past or revisiting old memories feels really strange, like it wasn’t actually me experiencing those things. I know I need to just stop thinking about it, but it’s hard.

  807. Jo Says:

    Hi Carlie, I struggle with that too, but I understand it is often the last thing to go. I also identify with your other remarks. I expect if you asked the majority of people they would say the same, anxiety or not. It’s hard to know what is anxiety based and what is normal living, feeling, thinking etc.

  808. Debbie Says:

    Morning! So annoying when you have that buzzing nerves feeling, your aware of it all the time no matter what you do so you end up focussing on how your feeling constantly, which then starts all the thinking off! It’s hard to say to yourself ok buzz I accept it! x

  809. Jo Says:

    Hi Debbie, are you buzzing this morning? I am a bit shaky but that that’s usual for me in the mornings. I don’t mean that my limbs are actually shaking, just feel shaky inside. Going for a walk now. x

  810. aura Says:

    hi first post here
    is it not a bad thing to be on this forum to much as it is only feeding your anxiety ,i usualy only read pauls posts as we are all so different,but i can honestly say it does get better,dont not do anything act like you dont have anxiety ,even though i get setbacks they are alot easier to deal with just say hello there and carry on ,enjoy life its hard so damm hard but hey iam strong and its only a silly feeling live with it live life no matter how hard peel it back layer by layer ,i tell you i was realy bad and each day is getting better xx

  811. Doreen Says:

    Jo and Debbie – know what you mean. When I am like that I am trying really hard to make it my practice at accepting. Not always successful but yesterday was good as focussing on something else took me away from such self awareness. Going out in the sun now to read a book

  812. Debbie Says:

    Jo yeah buzzing innards today, I’ve been out tho and getting on with things! Glad you’ve gone out for a walk, it’s too nice to stay in but it’s very hot out which I don’t like ok in the shade lovely over the pond, the ducks are loving the kids being off school they get fed more! x

  813. Mark B Says:

    Thanks for your advice yesterday Jo and Nicola.

    Feel much better today. I don’t know if any of you have this but I get frustrated when I think back how many months I have been worrying about these thoughts. I’ve never been off work and the worst part for me was back in March when I had really bad panic attacks for the 1st time and very severe anxiety so much so that i didn’t go out of the house (only to go to work) I was lucky enough that my doctor told me to read Paul’s book. Within a month of that I have never had a panic attack since as I understand what they are. The anxiety has died down loads too and it doesnt stop me doing anything anymore, since mid June. I’ve been on stag do’s, holidays, work etc no problem.

    Its just that I have this thought in my head everyday now, when I’m busy or happy that sort of says to me ‘you should’nt be happy, you should be worried about x,y,z etc. Its as if when I haven’t worried about something for a few hours I keep reminding myself that I should be doing.. This is what is holding me back.. I keep falling into the trap and then without realising ive been thinking through these thoughts for 20 mins. Like ‘i can’t be gay because of this, etc.. Then i realise and have to snap myself out of it… I then have a nagging feeling in the back of my head that wants me to analyse everything and this is when i can feel the anxiety rising as my mine races! I’ve never had anything like this before so it gets me down when I think I’ve been doing all this since the beginning of June… As i also know its ridiculous!
    Probably just being impatient…

    thanks again

  814. Jo Says:

    Hi Doreen, hope you enjoyed your book.

    Feeling a bit bad this morning, but been to town even so. Very edgy, got the foot on the chest and legs like jelly. Didn’t help being in the busy town and the heat. Got really frightened earlier, the back of my head started to feel numb and of course I thought I was going to have a stroke.It went off and I calmed down, and thought how stupid I was to let it get to me :)

  815. Jo Says:

    I think the heat makes us worse you know Debbie, I can’t cope with it, makes me feel so tired and out of breath.

    Mark B, you are doing really well so try not to let these irrational thoughts get to you. Have you read Claire Week’s book Essential help for your Nerves ? It covers so much of what we are going through.
    Hope Paul doesn’t mind me mentioning that.

  816. Nicola Says:

    Hi Mark, the thing that keeps drawing you back to the worrying is called HABIT :-). Just gently guide yourself back to the present, don’t worry or punish yourself. I still get this too, but with practise it gets easier. I know what you mean about the mind racing thing, sometimes mine feels like my thoughts are literally whirl winding around in my head so fast I can’t catch onto any one thought. It’s extremely unpleasant, just concentrate on slow breaths until your mind slows too. On the up hand you sound like you are doing really well!
    Don’t be angry about the time anxiety has taken from you, you set yourself up to lose more time on it. Try and draw the positives from your experience with it, believe it or not they are there. In my case before I suffered really bad I had moderate anxiety which caused avoidance behaviours in me, I would avoid friends and family, it sucked and if I hadn’t got worse i would never have gone on to learn about anxiety, now I understand it and I am able to see my friends and family without problem. Ironically the anxiety took from me, but it also gave back, I am stronger and more assertive now than I have ever been, I am also a lot more empathetic towards others, and I have forgiven past issues I had within my family as I learned how very hard life can be for people who suffer mentally and it’s brought me closer to my family. See how much this monster has given me! Just remember when the thoughts come to remind yourself you can’t analyse your way out of a thought with the same frame of mind that took you into it. Let the thoughts come, say ‘well there’s no point in looking at it right now and then steer yourself back into the present.

  817. Nicola Says:

    Anxiety is exasperating isn’t it. I’m the kind of girl that likes to fix a problem straight away, it took me ages to learn I needed to leave the anxiety well alone to get better, it was completely against my instinct. Habits are hard to break!

  818. Mike F Says:

    Hi everyone, I just want to thank you all for being here and helping me through my problems. Knowing that I am not alone makes things easier to handle. Special thanks to Paul for having this web site.

  819. Jo Says:

    Hi Mike F, it’s good to know you feel you are being helped on here.

  820. Michelle Says:

    Nicola , bravo .. fantastic post and so true x
    Jo this weather makes it all harder it drains us more and we can do without that . You managed town again , keep on the recovery march Jo , hard but we can do it :-)

    Got my daughters springer spaniel for a couple of days , my ellis keeps giving her mucky looks , wish he would stop it , he is making me anxious . Off with dogs again now . Wishing everyone a good day xx

  821. Jo Says:

    Hi Michelle, I keep trying, as you do. Don’t worry about the dogs, they will sort themselves out. Have a good walk. x

  822. Michelle Says:

    Dont we manage better when we have a day where the symptoms arnt as severe , my stomach is more settled today , still there but not half as bad as last few days . x

  823. Nicola Says:

    Michelle thank you and I’m glad to hear your stomach is a little better today. I know I shouldn’t moan but boy is this weather too hot for me! Good for my washing though! Xx

  824. Jo Says:

    Pleased to hear you are feeling a bit better today Michelle. I think that two hour walk in the sun was too much for me yesterday, so not going so far this afternoon, probably stay in the shade of the trees. Still feeling a bit ‘off’ and not been able to eat much yet. Hopefully make up for it at tea time. x

  825. Mark B Says:

    Hi Jo,

    No I haven’t read Clare’s book, literally only Paul’s book and this site. Because that sorted out my panic attacks within a few weeks i haven’t looked into/studied anxiety any more other than that.

    Having said that about a month ago I briefly looked at a website that was more OCD based and that made me think I definately had OCD which obviously made me worse so I gave up on that as I was trying Paul’s tactics as well as the OCD stuff which doesnt work as i confused myself!!! Thinking about it though the general idea to stop the OCD is very similar to Paul’s ideas which is basically not to do the rituals that you think will ease the anxiety! So to just get on with stuff.

    I’ll give Clares book a read though if you think its good and might help.

    Nicola, thanks again. I know what you mean. When a football friend of mine suffered from depression a couple of years ago I was useless support as I didn’t really believe in mental illness issues and just thought he needed to pull himself together! (typical Yorkshire reaction) Or was going mad! I definitely understand what he was going through now and feel I’d be better support.

    Anyway, thanks again, really appreciate the advice. It makes sense, just a case of trying to get out of the habit of constantly checking how i feel and to steer myself away from analysing the thoughts when they enter my head.


  826. Jo Says:

    Mark B, I only mention Claire’s book because she teaches very much the same as Paul, but as a doctor, she has had lots of people go to her, suffering with anxiety issues. It can be very confusing to read alsorts of stuff with different views, so I stick to Paul and Claire’s teachings.

  827. amie Says:

    How long have each of you been dealing with anxiety… Trying to recover? Mine started February 20th with April being the worst month ever. Finally figured out was was wrong with me end of April and starting to accept and float through it. Things are getting better but not quit there yet….
    What’s your story?

  828. Michelle Says:

    Mark B , the book Jo has mentioned is brilliant , i love the woman . Anything by claire weekes will only bring positive results and so soothing . I read somewere that she suffered herself whilst in medical school , and recovered . As Jo has said its the same teachings as pauls , and in my opion another great aid in helping us understand it all , claire weekes material can only make you improve , so have a read of it Mark :-)

  829. Michelle Says:

    Jo , thank you , yes the anxiety tummy a lot better today . Wow you are bount to feel a bit off with a two hour walk , i can see your doing so well you know :-) Supermarket time for me , it will be very busy , its shouting at me “dont go i will get you ” ok we will see im going anyway .My little faint positive voice will get me there xx

  830. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Hi, Away at the minute in Whitby which is just a 3 day break. I don’t tell anyone to say yes or no or promote these things, but from time to time a TV company get in touch and ask if anyone would like to appear on TV, so as long as it’s on topic, I sometimes post in case anyone would.

    Here is the post if anyone wishes to know more just email me

    RDF Television is looking for people with extreme food phobias to take part in a new TV pilot.

    Is there certain food you just can’t eat, touch or smell, or go anywhere near and it’s ruling your life? Or do you know someone with a strange food phobia who you think needs help? Then we want to hear from you!

    Our team of culinary experts and therapists will use a variety of techniques to help conquer food phobias.

  831. Michelle Says:

    Just read my post , i love them both , jo and claire weekes x

  832. Jo Says:

    Thanks Michelle! You will see that demon off, I know you will, just shout louder at it.x

    Amie – I suffered post natal depression after the birth of my son in 1979, but recovered. I then had a Nervous breakdown in 2004, after a car accident. That was actually diagnosed as depression, but I think it was a breakdown. That was very bad, a really dark place and i did have to take antidepressants to get out of it. I think it took about a year to get over that. This bout of anxiety started around the begining of the year and I think was brought on by the death of my Mum, last September. It’s hard, but we will all get there in the end. x

  833. Nicola Says:

    Good on you Michelle. Make us proud :-) x

  834. Doreen Says:

    Hi Mark B- I too tend to ‘poke’ at my anxiety button. Almost like I don’t know what to put in the space if anxiety isn’t there. Not all the time I might add but more often than is comfortable. Being nosy now – whereabouts in Yorkshire do you live?

  835. Jeff Says:

    Just read a book called “Mindfulness” by Ellen Langer. It involves calling your attention to the present moment. It discusses some practical techniques for changing up your routine in order to cultivate this practice. I think we could all agree that getting out of our own heads and into the moment is probably one of the biggest challenges of anxiety. The book is much along the lines of John Kabat-Zinn’s work, but I found it to be helpful.
    Best to you all and enjoy your weekends. As my therapist says: get out there and stimulate the economy:)

  836. Mark B Says:

    Hi Doreen,

    I’m from Leeds.

    Thanks Mark

  837. amie Says:

    Thanks for sharing Jo. So sorry about you Mom. I am so close to mine I’m so scarred of anything happening to her.
    I’m sorry you’ve dealt with this 3 times but good to know you’ve recovered from it. Gives me hope. Here’s to us all recovering soon!
    I’m leaving to.Arizona tomorrow to visit my brother. excited to go but just worried about how ill feel while I’m there! I know ill be just fine though!

  838. DCYL Says:

    Test post

  839. DCYL Says:

    Sorry for the Test post – I forgot I was using my wireless at home and lost a long post. I am reporting on my iPhone using the data plan instead.

    I was doing good recently and feeling pretty solid. I had made some good progress. But last weekend, I was tired and took some naps. On one hand, I had not taken much naps since I had gotten into this cycle. I was always too keyed up. On the flip side, this was a good thing that I was getting back to normal a bit.

    But the naps threw my sleep a bit and I felt it this week. I was sleeping but not feeling like I got deep sleep. So my mind was tired. I was sweating a bit, thoughts were bouncing around and of course I obsessed about it.

    Today – I decided to get to the gym to burn off some of the energy and feel better. But main point is that in the process of recovery, even normal feelings may cause us to feel bad. I think that is why Paul said it is up and down.

  840. Debbie Says:

    Hi all, not feeling so good, woke up with a heavy head, I’ve had a good few weeks so don’t know why this week I’ve been wobbly, makes you feel fedup with it all one minute up next back again. It’s like anxiety likes to remind you it’s still there and your not allowed to feel “normal” for too long!
    So here we go again!

  841. Jo Says:

    Morning all. Had a shaky start AGAIN, nothing unusual there :) Still feeling a bit wobbly but got shopping to do, so I’ll just have to wobble. Hope you all have a good day ahead. x

  842. Debbie Says:

    Well done Jo you go girl with your wobbles! I wonder how many other people in the supermarket will be wobbling secretly too! x

  843. Nicola Says:

    Hi Debbie, I’ve been exactly the same this week after a really good few weeks prior. Hope you feel better soon.

    DCYL your post reminded me of something I was thinking about the other day, even normal people aren’t going to feel right everyday, problem is when we have a bad one we immediately panic! I have to remind myself so often that a bad day doesn’t necessarily mean it’s all going to start over again.

    Yes recovery definitely has it’s ups and downs but they pass quicker if we just accept it.

  844. Jo Says:

    Debbie, I was just thinking the same myself, about the up and down. Never mind, we all go through it together, don’t we? Maybe you have been pushing yourself a bit too much. Give yourself a break today if you can and just do what you want to do instead of everything you think you SHOULD do. x

  845. Jo Says:

    Nicola, you are so right. I was feeling really odd in the crowds in town the other day, and I was blaming the anxiety but then I remembered I have never felt comfortable in crowds, so why should I like it any better now. I think sometimes it’s easy to forget what was once ‘normal’ to us.

  846. Michelle Says:

    Nicola , thats so right isnt it ? I have thought about this too , even people who dont have this arnt going to feel “right ” every single day but as you say it can make us add panic to it . I can remember before this came along , i use to say now and then ” oh i do feel in a bad mood today , dont know why ”
    Of course it was no were near as bad as these moods , but i do think we sometimes think everyone is blissfuly happy every minute of everyday ,and forget that all hummans have moodiness going on x

  847. Michelle Says:

    Jo , we just posted about this at the same time , glad your thinking on the same lines , its so true isnt it , we forget what normal is x

  848. Debbie Says:

    Shame we can’t forget what anxiety is! x

    Jo I think that’s what I hate the most is all the things I do I want to do not what i think I should be doing, (got over the should have a job bit) but when anxiety hits I find I feel too awful to do any of them which I miss so then start beating myself up which obviously makes me feel worse, I don’t seem to be able to accept, yes it’s down to that again, I suppose it’s so good to have a “normal” spell that it’s disappointing to feel crap again, you start thinking why etc you can’t help it cos you don’t understand it!
    I find I either feel ok or it’s the depths of despair, when I go down I go down quickly and to me everything’s doom and gloom! I can’t seem to accept ok I’m not feeling so good this week and that’s it I have to go to extremes! x

  849. Michelle Says:

    Debbie , i know you were replying to jo , hope you dont mind me saying , you have just summed up what i go through to a t . x

  850. Michelle Says:

    I think a lot of us are practicing accepting , not quite there yet are we .
    Sometimes i think i wish i could be more consistent and ruthless with it , and maybe this would speed the recovery process x

  851. Debbie Says:

    Michelle its so frustrating isn’t it? why can’t we just be ‘normal’ I even think what have I done so bad in life to deserve this, I must’ve done something! Wouldn’t it be great to wake up and look forward to the day to not even think is this going to be a good day or a bad day? Or think I will pop to the shops for a browse have a coffee! God wouldn’t that be great, ‘normal’ people don’t realise how lucky they are! I’ve spent over 25 years with this on and off it’s getting a bit wearing! I don’t sit at home wallowing like I used to I’ve been getting out there but it still comes back to this every time! x

  852. Jo Says:

    Hi Michelle and Debbie – how we beat ourselves up about things, don’t we? Claire Weeks herself said that accepting is not easy and it takes time and practse, practise. I wish she were alive today. I thought it quite sad that in her book she looked forward to a future wher doctors would be more knowledgable and understanding of nervous illness! How disappointed she would be with the lack of progress.
    Just got back from Tesco, which wasn’t too bad but I am always glad to get out of there. I am now resting with a glass of energy drink and my doggie by my side. May have a toddle to the craft shop next. I think we have just got to let go of the fear and trust ourselves. Trust that we will be ok, trust that our confidence will return and most of all trust that our ability to live a normal life is there just waiting to be released.x

  853. Michelle Says:

    Jo , your sounding positive nice to hear that :-)
    I know what it is , im still afraid of panic , doing better but still frightened by it . I am sure once the fear is completly gone , recovery would be inevitable . How could it be anything else ? There wouldnt be any of it without fear of it .
    You get yourself up to the craft shop later xx

  854. Jo Says:

    Yes Michelle I’m afraid too, and that’s what’s keeping us where we are. I’m afraid of going back into that black hole I was in last time. It’s all the bad memories we have to let go of, but that too takes time. Can you hear my Aussie accent? :)

  855. Michelle Says:

    Debbie , i know just what you are saying and yes how lucky people are not to have this .We are doing so much better though , and i am not just saying that , we realy are .
    Did you ever imagine you would be off down the gym ?
    Bet you didnt did you ?
    I am fed up with it “all ” today , but trying to leave it alone .The low moods do always lift . x

  856. Michelle Says:

    Jo , nice bit of sense of humour , yes i can hear that accent loud and clear :-) :-) xx

  857. Jo Says:

    Michelle, it’s the DP that gets me down. I hate it. Been to the craft shop and felt a bit ‘faint’ doing it. Just trying to have a sarnie because I don’t think that helps, not eating, also loss of sleep again, was awake from about 3.30am, no anxiety thoughts just couldn’t get back to sleep.

  858. Nicola Says:

    Michelle, spot on, anxiety can’t exist if you’re not afraid of it! X

  859. Ron Says:

    Hi Nicola.

    Many thanks for your time and advice..

    I agree in large part that it’s to do with breaking old habits and changing behaviours. The difficulty is that the ones we’ve learned profoundly affect our day to day life with an overriding feeling of dread and fear!! Our emotions and feelings are those abstract parts of us that make us authentically human which is why simply thinking differently without the resultant change in emotions is difficult to deal with. However, a mind and body having underwent the barrage of abuse we have innocently put it through won’t change overnight. I have been inspired however both by the book and the many inspirational posts that I’ve read to see this through head on and simply abandon myself to all the fear and horror it has to through at me while doing my upmost to accept it all!!

    I recognised so much of myself in Paul’s book and the easy to read manner and simple explanation of a sensitised nervous system and tired mind proved to be a revelation. I also had the pleasure of reading some of the success stories on the web page. One in particular by a lady called Maria was outstanding. In it she simply states that she tried to view the onslaught of anxiety, DP or panic as an experience to be welcomed given it provided a further opportunity to practice acceptance! In it she simply states that going through these episodes is vital for our recovery and that in time we to can learn to react differently to the world around us and the many avenues we’ll face. The most important point she makes for me is that we have to make friends with the condition and begin to view it as a teacher there to guide us through to peace and happiness. If we can view the conditions in this manner we’ll surely with time and a little patience begin to change not only how we think but how we feel!

    I wish each and everyone of you love and happiness.

  860. Debbie Says:

    Well I went to the gym it was an effort but I did it, I feel a bit better!
    I’m like Jo having been in such a black hole it’s the fear of going there again that doesn’t help, I don’t even think about it when I’m having a good spell, but when I’m like I am now its on my mind all the time, I want to know why one minute your ok and the next not there must be a reason, it’s like having a pain in your leg you get it for a reason, I have a constant pain in the neck it’s called anxiety! Ha ha x

  861. Jo Says:

    Debbie well done for doing the Gym. I don’t suppose there is an answer to why it comes and goes, unless it IS a chemical imbalance that rises and falls. Perhaps it’s best no to try too hard to work it out, you just go round in circles.
    I would just like to be able to feel at ease in my own home instead of it feeling unfamiliar. x

  862. Nicola Says:

    Ron don’t you find that it is the thoughts that produce the emotions, no matter how conscious or subconscious they may be? I find that by redirecting my thoughts I also redirect the resultant emotion. I am effectively teaching my brain not to focus on the negative, the brain is what they call ‘plastic’ – mouldable, changeable. I practiced acceptance whilst still having constant negative thoughts and i got worse. However this is only a small piece of the whole, it’s ok for me to use this method when I want to avoid spiralling down into a particularly bad bout of anxiety but as you say acceptance of it is absolutely key. How long must people keep going through the same feeling of fear before they come to the realisation that it never harms them. This is the point I have reached. Hell yes, it’s scary, unpleasant, uncomfortable but ultimately HARMLESS, I have reached the point now where I accept and I’ve almost learned not to fear it either. Good luck.

  863. kelly Says:

    Hi all,

    I am so confused just lately. I find when I am not with my partner I am less anxious. We split up a few weeks ago and I met someone else. This person makes me feel like the ‘old’ me. He makes me feel alive. So now I don’t know whether its the relationship that’s making me anxious. At the same time it makes me anxious thinking about him moving away and it just being me and Theo.

  864. Michelle Says:

    Nicola , once again wise words from you . How many times do we have to feel the feelings till we realise they cannot “harm us ” Uncomfortable at times ? Too right it is , but no real harm .I want to be able to think and truly feel … Anxiety you silly weak old fool , you have been hanging around for 3 years and got no further with me .

    I Have felt those fears and symptoms thousands of times , and yes they are definetly getting weaker , but weak or strong loose the fear and away it will go xx

  865. kelly Says:

    Feel so down at the minute :(

  866. Debbie Says:

    Jo well done for going to the craft shop faint or not u did it and survived!

    Michelle how do u lose the fear when you feel so awful and full of panic? I wish I could do it! x

  867. Nicola Says:

    Debbie and Michelle, yes of course you are both right, but it is the thought of experiencing fear that causes the fear in my experience, this is what I mean by thoughts causing the majority of it. Please don’t think I’m undermining how awful it is. I’ve experienced it at it’s harshest, but if you can get some distance between yourself and the last episode, I find that fear weakens, this is why I think trying to channel your thinking into something else for as long as you can helps, but I didn’t say it wasn’t hard! X

  868. Nicola Says:

    Kelly, all understandable and normal reactions to your situation xx

  869. Nicola Says:

    I just wanna say that I only speak from my own experience and I share in the hope that I can help someone else. I don’t want to come across as someone who thinks they know it all because of course I don’t and I’m always keen to hear what works for others :-)

  870. Charlotte Says:

    Hi all, it has been a while! I felt inclined to come back today as I had a little setback after being relatively anxiety free for months :)
    I was at the beach having a ‘relaxing’ time reading my book when the panic hit me out of no-where… heart started racing and I knew what would be coming shortly if I didn’t talk myself out it. I’m wondering if it may have been the 3 coffee’s I had that day and the heat but i’m still a bit of a worrier. Anyhoo, after a walk,sitting and breathing, telling myself it is just adrenaline I managed to calm myself down and drive back home with my friend.
    It is not often that I have managed to stop a panic attack from happening, so quite proud of myself! It really wasn’t easy, even with all my knowledge on the subject and Paul just goes to show how powerful it is!
    Totally drained me though so resting this evening.

  871. Michelle Says:

    Nicola , you never come across like that . I love that all of us pull ” IT ” all apart , different ideas , and ways of coping , and practicing to get acceptance .
    I have always been someone that problem solved by chatting away to others , sharing ideas and little by little eventually solve it .
    I think as individuals we get a bit of help from this and that and to hear how others are getting through with it all ,is a help like no other .

    Next week i want to get tuff with it all , try to push myself a bit further and change , i cannot do it to “i wiil try ” There has to be some consistency and my goal is to go ahead no matter how i feel on a peticular day . xx

  872. Michelle Says:

    My goodness dont i sound positive tonight ?? Forgive me if im a moaning minnie tommorow x

  873. Nicola Says:

    Wow Michelle, now that’s the f**king attitude. Ha ha. Love it x

  874. Doreen Says:

    Hi Mark B – ditto. North, South East or West Leeds? I am in the north

  875. Lisa Says:


    Congratulations on stopping the panic cycle. I did something similar earlier today. I started to feel a little funny, hands were starting to shake a bit, knees knocking – this hasn’t happened for a long time, since I’ve been recovering from anxiety. I just let the physical side of things happen. I didn’t try to minimize what was happening or fight it. I just went through it. And it didn’t escalate. I told myself that anything I might be thinking (there is something seriously wrong with me, I’m dying, etc) was just a product of the anxiety and that I would think about it differently later. It certainly wasn’t a pleasant experience, but unlike before, it’s not going to ruin my weekend, and I’m not going to keep dwelling on it for weeks which might cause it to happen more frequently. It’s nice to finally have some confidence that I can do this! And so can you.


  876. Nicola Says:

    So pleased for you Lisa. Loving all this positive feedback. I had to stop some anxiety taking a hold this evening. I can nip it in the bud nicely most times.

  877. kelly Says:

    Nicola – guess your right.x

  878. Michelle Says:

    Nicola , thank you and i hope i can keep my “attitude ” up .
    Do you know what it is , im doing so much better at a lot of things but im positive i have to challange myself more than this and look the bully in the eye .
    I had a full breakdown , dont have to give you the details because you know them too well .
    Ok so no more supermarket shopping at midnight , can now go see daughters , take mum to consultaants appointments (although that still brings it all on )
    Manage to sit ok and have hair done .Thats all good to what i was , but want to start going further , on a train again , off day trips , go to the denist like i use to . So theres only one way and thats to do it !!

    yes the family are a fantastic support , but i do realise we have to do the “leg work ” ourselves , of course we do , how can someone else do it for us ?
    I realy believe at times , we can get back to ourselves , is it going to be hard ?
    Too right it is , but it can be done xx

  879. Clare Says:

    Been really busy tonight not had time to think it Is good when your mind is occupied

  880. tal Says:

    Hi everyone. I got out of the house today, dp still kicking my butt but tried to stay calm today. At times it feels like I will forget everything within my next blink. Trying to not overstimulate myself with any further worry. Can’t wait for this to be a thing of the past :( glad everyone is well x

  881. tfox44 Says:

    Hi everyone. I got out the house today. I realized this is not something that will just go away but I surely can’t wait until it goes because it can and will. I still hate the dp, feel very out of it. Feel like I could forget everything in a heartbeart. Oh well. Gotta be patient. Which is hard cuz most of us loved life before this hell hit.

  882. tfox44 Says:

    Michelle…going from “I cant/won’t do it” to “I will try: is progress, just accept it and go! In the long run it will start to get better and better. Don’t let bad days remove your vision from the ultimate goal.

  883. kelly Says:

    Just so tired at the moment and can’t sleep. Think it’s a mix of the fact it’s too warm, im too agitated and I fell asleep when Theo had a nap this afternoon. Was just dropping off and somebody knocked the door at this hour, a drunk I think and the dog woke me and Theo up :(

  884. DCYL Says:


    Good response for two reasons:

    You are right. In our normal days, we don’t always feel great but we don’t get down if we’re feeling crappy. In our more anxious state, we feel it a little more stronger.

    Even though I am better, I think I still check myself out and any weird feelings gets worried that I will start up a bad cycle again. The reason I was a little bad this week was I had sleep issues last year when it got started! Our memories are something we have to overcome during our recovery

  885. Michelle Says:

    Well, I was doing fairly well most of this week, but started feeling on the verge if panic near the end of my work day yesterday and it only escalated today. I couldnt shake it and was so fearful of every symptom. Right now I’m wide awake because I’m scared. My head feels numb on either side, but if i touch it, its really not. And yet i keep freaking myself out over physical feelings. Oh, will I ever get this?

  886. Michelle Z Says:

    Oops…this is Michelle Z :)

  887. Jo Says:

    Michelle z, having a touch of the panics myself this morning. Internal dialogue going on, because I have to face several hours of being on my own later. This is a major fear for me, and yet I don’t know why.
    That numb feeling is horrible, I know, I’ve had it too. I have also had it down my face, but it is all anxiety.
    I think paul would say to just let the feelings be there and get on with the day, but it’s really hard isn’t it ? x

  888. tfox44 Says:

    Michelle z, I ask myself the same thing, will it ever go? I really can’t take the dp. The mind tricks, weird thoughts and unreal dreamy feeling are too much too bare. Can hardly walk or make sense of life. Terrifyng. I get random flashbacks of previous memories and dreams too throughout the day. I often wonder when will I get the hint that nothing “so terrible” is happening – but I never get that memo. Even though the symptoms are terrifying.. just want to be normal. Sigh. At least this is curable, try to think positive. X

  889. Doreen Says:

    Couple of thoughts – maddening isn’t it when a negative thought can spiral into anxiety in a flash and yet the climb back up to somewhere more positive can take so much longer.
    Also learning to take each day as it comes and not put too much investment in the ‘bank’ of a good day as that means extra pressure the next day to make it as good as the previous one and disappointment if it isn’t.
    Still of the frame of mind that getting out and doing is better than sitting home and brooding and that has proved itself again this weekend. My anxiety is experienced on the whole as shards that shoot through me and sometimes make it hard to continue a conversation. I was this way quite a lot on Friday but we went out to some gardens followed by a drink in a lovely pub and by evening I was fine and able to go enjoy dinner at friends house.
    Yesterday was hubby’s birthday so I was damn sure I wasn’t going to be self absorbed. Had spent the night with the friends so set off from there to join our daughter, partner and 2 of the grandchildren at a gorgeous seaside spot near Whitby.
    Dreadful traffic jam which we were in for 2 hours so hubby and I played silly word games.
    Felt really positive when we met rest of family, had a fabulous short walk followed by fish and chips in Whitby. Could not have wished for a better day and it was much enjoyed by the birthday boy.
    Woke up a bit wobbly but have told myself that the good feelings of yesterday are at least as authentic as the anxiety so are attainable again as long as I don’t strive for them

  890. Debbie Says:

    Doreen sounds like you had a lovely day I’m quite jealous over the fish and chips! Sounds like your anxiety was in the background, facing the traffic jam and everything you must feel a boost of confidence, you need to pat yourself on the back!
    Well we started looking back at when I’ve been feeling bad and there’s definately a pattern I’m getting bad at the same time each month, and this whole setback which has been a year now has started when I started the menopause, when I had CBT and they said change your way of thinking I told them I do and that i knew whatever I tried didn’t make any difference, so if it’s a hormone thing it wouldnt matter what I thought or tried it wouldn’t help and hasn’t! I went on the pill at 15 as I suffered terrible mood swings etc so stayed on the pill till a year and a half ago, came off it so I would know if I’m going through the menopause, which a blood test proved.
    I feel relieved that we’ve realised all this but it doesn’t help does it? x

  891. Jo Says:

    Hi Doreen, sounds like you have had a lovely time mostly, with a hiccup or two. It is so maddening you are right, when anxiety becomes the stronger emotion. But you do so well Doreen, it takes all my wilpower to do anything when I’m in the anxious state.x

  892. Michelle Says:

    Tfox44 ,
    Lovely to hear you got yourself out yesterday , well done :-)
    Small steps will get you there . These things we do , take a bit of courage and we have to try float through the symptoms , but doing them means we are starting “recovery ” xx

  893. Michelle Z Says:

    Thank you, Jo, for the confirmation. Sometimes it seems like I just don’t get it. Paul makes it sound so easy and if we truly believe that anxiety won’t hurt us, then it should be easy. I think for me I question if it’s anxiety or not and I don’t believe that even if it is anxiety, it won’t hurt me. I feel like I will get to some sort of point where I will just totally break down or go crazy or faint. And that doesn’t happen. I feel awful for sure and sometimes worse than others. And I know it’s of my own making. I know I just need to trust the process and stop adding fear to the anxious feelings. Therein lies the key. The last couple of days I have been adding fear and lots of it. So I have just made my body and the symptoms and feelings feel worse and worse. The funny thing is I know that if some major distraction happened right this minute, I would take the focus off me and be involved in whatever distracted me and that would help lessen the feelings. I do work full-time and, in fact, am on day 7 of 9 days straight. I hate working more than 5 in a row, but have no choice once a month when I have to be Manager On Duty over the weekend. That seems to make it more difficult for me. I get tired and then have a hard time just letting the symptoms be and not making them worse.

    I like the reminder you put up, Michelle, about floating through the symptoms. I always forget that step. I just need to let my body feel however it needs to today and accept that it’s okay, that I’m okay, and float through them.

    Thanks for listening, ladies. I don’t always come on here or write even when I do, but I appreciate those of you who do and watching you move along nicely in your recovery.


  894. Jo Says:

    Michelle z, I feel exactly the same way. Fear is our biggest enemy and we shouldn’t let it be. You are right nothing ever happens, and it won’t. It just is such an awful feeling it is hard not to fear it. I always feel much worse when I’m tired through lack of sleep. I think you are amazing to be going to work with such symptoms. x

  895. Michelle Says:

    Michelle Z ,
    I am nodding in total understanding and agreement at your post . I know only too well of feeling of getting to the point of no return , where like yourself feel i will , go crazy , faint , start screaming and run around in hysterics .
    This place we imagine there is of “no return ” doesnt even exist .Its like stepping off a steep cliff and if we realy face it , its only a 4 inch curb .

    Please start to be kind to yourself , how marvelous you do to hold down a good job . I can bet you anything your tired at the moment , thats when the stupid bogey man strikes with a vengence , when we are overly tired .

    Its so true if some major distraction came along , puff them feelings would be gone , i have like yourself experienced this many times .So of course it is nothing more than anxiety , all we feel is perfectly normal when we are in an anxious state . Hard not to add being frightened by it all isnt it michelle , but with practice we will get there x

  896. Michelle Says:

    Jo , i knew you would be thinking the same as me , doesnt Michelle do amazing to work .
    Head up , and shoulders back Michelle , if you thinking that bullys getting you , he isnt you know .Youve well got him on a leash , you are proving that by doing your job :-)

  897. Jo Says:

    She certainly does Michelle! I couldn’t even imagine working just now, too frightening.
    I’m struggling a bit, but I feel light headed so I’m putting that down to lack of sleep again. x

  898. Michelle Says:

    Jo , me too the struggle is on today , because i had a good day yesterday i ended up , staying up late and watching a film with Richard .
    I can see it all , what brings the symptoms on much worse , always through not enough quality sleep . x

  899. Michelle Z Says:

    Thanks, Ladies, for the kind words of support! I know in my heart that if I can work through this so could you. You’d probably be surprised that it can be a nice distraction at times. Most of the time, it is a help. For the last six weeks or so, I have been struggling with major symptoms and panicky feelings at work, which is so odd, as I haven’t really experienced that except rarely in years. So then sometimes I think well maybe I can’t work. I’m falling apart. I can’t handle it. Yada, yada! Telling myself all the wrong stuff. I think we can do anything we set our minds to. I just have to accept all the feelings, float thru them and the panic, stop adding that second fear and I’ll get thru it. You will, too. It might feel awful, but we can do it!!

    Jo, I think you’ll do great during your time alone today. Enjoy your crafts, read a book, watch a movie. You’ll get to the point where you enjoy time alone.

    Back to work! And thanks again for the support. I so appreciate you ladies! xx

  900. Michelle Z Says:

    Michelle – Love these two things you wrote:

    Its like stepping off a steep cliff and if we realy face it , its only a 4 inch curb .

    if you thinking that bullys getting you , he isnt you know .Youve well got him on a leash , you are proving that by doing your job

    You have got a way with words, girl! We would all do well to hold on to these two quotes. xx

  901. Jo Says:

    Well I have surprised myself! Just been part way to town to have a quick look at the carnival procession. On my own! Didn’t stay long and felt a bit weird but I made it. x

  902. Michelle Says:

    Jo , yes :-)
    Love it , you have made me cry though .Tears of happiness and relief , im so pleased for you x

  903. Michelle Says:

    Isnt it brilliant when somone posts they have faced up to it . Jo i can feel your success , hope you can x

  904. Nicola Says:

    Spent the morning doing things I used to enjoy and facing my fears, I wish I could be proud but I’m just so sick of everything being something to ‘overcome’. Sometimes it feels like it will always be this way. Fed up of just getting through everyday as opposed to enjoying it.

  905. Jo Says:

    Thanks Michelle, I was a bit shaky when I got back but I’m settling now. x

  906. Nicola Says:

    Couple of thoughts – maddening isn’t it when a negative thought can spiral into anxiety in a flash and yet the climb back up to somewhere more positive can take so much longer.

    Doreen – how true this is!

    That’s what it was like this morning for me, I was on the brink of spiralling into anxiety at any given moment, it was all thought oriented and I had to keep a constant lid on my thoughts. This in itself is upsetting and hard work. I’ll face all my fears but I’m always left with a feeling of heaviness, like temp depression.

  907. Nicola Says:

    BTW all of you ladies are doing SO well. Your strength is inspiring x

  908. Debbie Says:

    Jo glad to read of your success well done bet you feel pleased with yourself, a gold star for effort, as we all know it’s not easy, good for you! x

  909. Michelle Says:

    Nicola , it can all seem so much hard work all the time carnt it . Yes it would be lovely to just enjoy each day . Next week is you know what week for me , always struggle more moodwise then . x

    Michelle Z , thank you for your kind words , i ramble on a bit , but im glad i can get my point across x

    Hope we all have a ggod quality sleep tonight , im exhausted , well no suprise realy , you have all seen how i can talk on here , i never shut up at home !! Nice though that im back to chatting because when i was in the depths of it all i stopped talking xx

  910. tfox44 Says:

    I’m fed up with everyday trying to “overcome” rather than enjoy life too. Friggen sucks.

  911. tfox44 Says:

    Don’t mean to be a downer but after getting my hopes up time and again of recovery , every single day for a year and a half…I really feel hope-less. I feel life is a chore and burden whilst everyone iss (well a majority) is walking around with issues yet they are HAPPY and FREE. Sigh.i. I have been forcing myself out daily but it feels my nerves get worse everytime even if I do the same things…my brain doesn’t get it and this “alarm” will not go off. So it perceives danger in EVER circumstance – even at home. I’m always “on guard – waiting and watching. Lord, I can’t wait for this to be over. I have to say this got worse the more I started staying in more, we got to focus on other things. Problem is – I have NO INTEREST IN ANYTHING. Much luv to u all and hope u all have more positive feedback x

  912. tfox44 Says:

    As Paul said being “desperate” for recovery usually pro longs it. I am def desperate, its hard not to be.

  913. Nicola Says:

    Tfox, the fact you have no interest in anything – really sounds like depression. I really think you should go to the doctor and consider some anti-depression medication. I know you might not want to hear that but I feel someone needs to at least suggest it to you. Xx

  914. tfox44 Says:

    Nicola, many sufferers of DP actually mistakingly believe they have depression. I would love to do things but when I think of how I feel when I’m there is when I lose interest. I probably do have depression but the major issue is for sure the dp. In the past I have mistakingly thought I was depressed when in fact, I was dped (as a teenager). Let’s face it, this whole ordeal is quite depressing, right? I’m not closed minded to meds might eventually give them a go for now the herbal supplement will do.

    Kelly – how are you dear?

  915. Nicola Says:

    Tfox, i noticed we’re no longer friends on fb. You really took the depression remark as some kind of insult huh? Sorry but felt it needed suggesting as I didn’t see how my keep answering the same questions over and over again was doing you any good. It’s merely an option.

  916. Nicola Says:

    Also let me make one thing clear, I’m not pro med and I’m not anti med. I do not think medication helps anxiety as I don’t believe anxiety is a mental illness and therefore treatable with medication. However I do believe in depression caused by chemical imbalance and it is in these cases that meds can save lives, as it probably did mine.

    I hope everyone else is doing ok. I think it was Michelle who said she gets worse around menstrual time. I get worse a week before, and I’m in that week now, irritable and anxious as hell!

  917. tfox44 Says:

    Nicola, I informed you my fb was deleting all my “new friends” for some reason and asked u to send me a request, remember? U should of emailed me on fb. Talking meds doesn’t bother me at all , ssry if u felt I was “asking the same ques over and over” usually anxious personalities like tons of reassurance but I did inform you it would b well if u didn’t respond, I know it can be discouraging as I noticed it was. No biggi. Take care:) and I totally appreciate all your positive feedback.

    I am so excited to talk to my therapist tmrw. Do any of you girls have one?

  918. Nicola Says:

    I did send you request.

    I just wanted to thank everyone for their help since I’ve been using this site but I won’t be coming on anymore as I seem to have gotten worse since discussing anxiety on here.

    Best of luck to all xx

  919. Doreen Says:

    Sorry to see you go Nicola. The meds question is a sensitive one isn’t it? My own view is that anxiety itself can eventually have an impact on the chemical system rather than a chemical imbalance being the cause. To me that makes some sort of sense as our physical and psychological are so intertwined. So some people do find using meds lifts them to a place where they can deal better with the anxiety.

  920. Jo Says:

    Morning all. Not feeling so good again today, started badly with near panic, vomiting and shaking. Some mornings I just feel like I can’t take it anymore. Even the simplest job like writing a shopping list seems so daunting! let alone going shopping. I just cling to the hope things will improve as the day goes on. been on the meggie walk anyway, and now going to try to float to Tesco :)

  921. Jo Says:

    Well, I made it to Tesco and back, jelly legs, lead chest and all :)

  922. Michelle Says:

    Jo , well done .Its got a right grip on me today .Hate not being able to be positive x

  923. Jo Says:

    Michelle, don’t despair. I know just how you feel. Just try to keep hold of the thought that you could improve as the day goes on and feel so much better tonight. I know it’s little consolation, but that’s how I try to look at it.
    If I recover one day then that’s a bonus, if not, I’ll have to learn to live with it. x

  924. Michelle Says:

    Thank you Jo, just got back from walk , coming round a bit .
    Going to through caution to the wind , and pop into town .
    Hope your ok Jo , if we try be patient and like you say once the vice grip of the morning eases , things improve x

  925. Nicola Says:

    Hi Doreen, yes I agree. Sometimes I feel like I gotta be the bad guy and say the thing I know people don’t seem to want to hear, but truth is when I got really bad I wasn’t able to pull myself out of it without the aid of meds. My comment truly came from a place of concern, I’m not out to upset anyone, just don’t want to see anyone suffer more than they have to, or prolong their agony.

  926. Doreen Says:

    Hi Michelle – would you feel able to meet up in Huddersfield?

  927. Michelle Says:

    Hello Doreen when are you in Huddersfield again x

  928. Jo Says:

    Hi Michelle, Been out about two hours this afternoon. Went to the beach with Meg, (and ben and James) then went into town so James could go to the bank. Then he wanted to do some shopping so Ben, meggie and i sat on a seat and waited for him. I don’t like the town just now as it’s so busy, but it was ok. Resting now before getting tea ready. x

  929. Michelle Says:

    Jo , i was just going to post .That sounds good and positive what you managed this afternoon :-)

    I managed well in town today , we both did .We are getting better at “facing ” We are you know .
    Now what it is i expect to feel some kind of elation when i manage good , dont get me wrong it does please me , but the low mood is a tough nut to crack .

    Just goes to show though we woke with all the usual , horrid symptoms , yet we both managed well in a busy town centre . Are we improving ??
    Very much so .
    Glad you reminded me its teatime Jo , i can soon forget to eat .xx

  930. Jo Says:

    Mustn’t forget to eat Michelle! And ,as you -know- who says ,’ you must be prepared to accept however you feel in the mornings’ And don’t be too down about not feeling elated, don’t forget all emotiond are frozen for a while, so it will take time to defrost. Yes we are certainly doing better. Your encouragment helps me a lot. x

  931. Lisa Says:

    I really appreciated the post about how being desperate for recovery prolongs it. I’m sure that we all were desperate for recovery at one point, considering how anxiety can take over every part of our lives. We all want a quick way to make it go away. I think it’s important to remember that because we are all different, the recovery process can take different amounts of time for different people. Just because the process makes sense (don’t be afraid of it), it doesn’t mean that we can all just do that right away. We have to keep trying to build our confidence that it works. As someone else mentioned, it takes us awhile to realize that the cliff we afraid of falling off each time that it happens is really just a 4 inch curb. Our adrenaline does a great job of convincing us that it’s a cliff, and it can take some practice before we understand that a curb is all that it is. After dealing with anxiety/panic for about a year, I can look back and say that the first three months were the worst. I didn’t fully understand what it was and was desperately searching for a cure. It took me another 2-3 months after that to really accept the anxiety. It was hard at first because even though I felt like I was trying to accept it, I was still fighting it. But, for the last six months or so, I’ve just been bringing the anxiety along with me when it comes up. I’ve noticed that some things can trigger it more than others. But, it’s happening less and less.

    One of the first time I experience extreme anxiety was on a hike. I started to get all the physical symptoms of a panic attack and on top of that, as I was panicking and trying to get back to my car as quickly as possible, I took the wrong path. I was never really in danger because I was pretty close to a residential area, but feeling lost made the panic worse. I used to really enjoy going on long hikes in new areas, but after that experience, I stopped. I went through a period about a year ago, where going on a walk on a path next to my house made me terrified. I laugh at myself now, but I would feel panicky even within full view of my house. I’ve gradually started hiking again. I actually started jogging first. I guess I figured that just in case I do get lost, being able to run without feeling winded would be helpful. So yesterday, I decided to go on a hike in an area where I had never been before (about a 4 mile hike). And I did it. Most of it was actually enjoyable. Once or twice, I felt some of the physical symptoms and I realized that if I paid attention to them, I could very easily start being anxious. This time I was able to tell myself – this hike can be a bad experience or a good experience, it’s up to you. Either way you have to get home and you will. The anxiety just stopped. I put on headphones, petted my dog, and just distracted myself. A year ago, I thought I could never go hiking again. Everything seems so final in our anxious state.

    I just wanted to encourage you all. It might take time, but if we all keep it up, we will all be in much better places 2 months from now, 6 months from now, or a year from now than we are today.

  932. kelly Says:


    Thankyou for asking how I am. Been having a rough couple of days. Me and my partner have split and he has gone back to his mums in England and me and his son live in Wales. So been pretty stressed out just lately.

    How are you doing? Ok I hope.

  933. aura Says:

    just today i had a feeling of this is never going to go away,then a light bulb came on its only a feeling and i laughed as iam in control of my feelings .
    and its yhard to believe how far i have come going on holiday twice, owning my own buisness successfully (even though many times wanted to thrw in the towel)compared to two years ago iam a different person understanding anxiety is the best thing for me and knowing that it will get better ,i say iam nearly there i sleep well now and even have sleep ins which i couldnt do .and iam not frightened to be in my house alone.silly thoughts still come and go and i know they are there like my legs or my feet .hope you all keep going on your journey of recovery ,mine was so bad i asked my husband to commit suicide with me ,how awful my poor husband,dont get me wrong i still get funny days like today but i carry on xx

  934. Debbie Says:

    Jo another well done for you, I’m saying it every night when I read the posts! Hope your realising your successes! You seem to be accepting more, good on you Jo! x

    I’m having a rough few days but carrying on like normal gym tomorrow and visiting a friend, it’s hard but I’m not going to give anxiety the upper hand however hard!

  935. tfox44 Says:

    Kelly. So sorry to hear that. I dislike when things happen whilst in a very sensitive state. I hope all turns out well. I came to a realization today , I’ve been saying “whatever happens, happens” my thinking can’t change the outcome. I also realized what true acceptance is…its saying “however long it will take fine, it won’t hurt meand bring it” but you have to MEAN IT. Hope all are well. Nicola, hang around – its good to have support, not everyone always agrees on things and that’s fine.

  936. tfox44 Says:

    Also, remember y’all…once we “overcome” anxiety we are going to be strong in many other areas we may have been weak in. My therapist said when he overcame his disorder he went sky diving because fear was no longer a factor- how inspiring. God bless xx

  937. Michelle Says:

    Lisa and Aura
    Thank you for sharing your success , you have explained it so well , these words mean so much to people who are still in the depths of it all .

    I keep getting a sneaky feeling that things can improve and are doing . Its only natural sometimes to think ” did they have it bad ” or only mild . Your posts have showed how bad it realy was for you both , and this recovery thing we all dream of can be reached :-)

    Thank you both for your encoragement to us all . I have read your words well , but not just that i have realy felt them “sink in” and gathered so much hope and feel a surge to keep being consistent in my practicing and go get that light lit up bright at the end of the tunnel .

    Very best wishes to you both xx

  938. Jo Says:

    Thanks Debbie, it’s a hard slog isn’t it? Good for you getting on with it, as we all know it’s not easy, but you keep persevering. x

    Slightly better start for me this morning, no vomitting or shaking, but still a bit uneasy.

  939. AdrianP Says:

    Hi All

    Having read the blog for the last few weeks I have finally plucked up enough courage to ask for help and guidance. Please forgive me if I have not fully understood the reason for posting but I am lost and need a guiding hand.

    My experience with this nightmare started just over four months ago. I guess it was triggered by a savage attack on one of our pet rabbits by a ferret. I not only witnessed the attack but actually wrestled to free the rabbit from the ferret. Unfortunately the rabbit was dead but I did manage to kill the ferret. I suppose the only saving grace was that I saved the rabbit from mutilation and also saved our other rabbit.

    It must have been five days later when I lost my appetite and could not sleep at all. This led to extreme panic about my symptoms which led me into the search for the “magic cure” from the medical profession. I spent the next few weeks on sedatives and sleeping pills. Unfortunately I plunged deeper into despair, no sleep, weight loss and constant ruminating, mainly about my symptoms. I have to say that I have always been a worrier and a bit neurotic about medical problems so you will gather that this condition suddenly escalated out of all proportion.

    The following weeks led me to question everything I had done in my life including some things I am really ashamed of which I confessed to my wife of 21 years which has caused deep distress to both of us. I suppose everyone has “skeletons” in their cupboard but I just felt the need to confess as I believed all my symptoms would disappear when I had unburdoned myself.

    As you will gather things did not improve. In fact they got worse.

    I am currently on medication which together with Paul’s App and book, I believe, have stabalised my condition in that I now eat regularly and I do manage some sleep.

    I sippose the reason for posting is to ask for reassurance that I am actually suffering from anxiety and it is not any other mental health issue.

    My days are filled with constant worry and thoughts about my condition. In fact I am conscious of every thought I have which is extremely tiring and distressing. I am also plagued with constant repitition of song lyrics which start the minute I open my eyes in the morning. Seeing dead animals at the side of the road is an absolute tradgedy.

    Physical symptoms include sickly feeling in the pit of my stomach and a constant strange feeling in my chest which sometimes moves to my head. I can only describe this feeling as strange but it does make me feel low and depressed.

    I am trying to use the tools Paul has advocated to help facilitate recovery but find it extremely difficult to truly accept that this is me. Everytime I try to accept my mind says “accept” and then I go off on the merrygoround again. I suppose you will say stop trying and let recovery come to me.

    During this period I have managed to continue to work which I have had to as I run my own business. Some days I do not know how I have been able to function but my children are extremely important to me.

    If any can give me some guidance it would be greatly appreciated.

  940. Doreen Says:

    Gosh – quiet on the blog today. Hope that means everyone is coping well enough. Message for Michelle if she comes ‘on board’. I can come over to Huddersfield on Thursday – time to suit you. Could we meet up at the railway station?

  941. aura Says:

    jo i realy feel for you its awful but it will get easier i promise i have come through so much ,i even thought no has anxiety as bad as me but we do its hell but it does get easier ,when i look back at myself i couldnt even sit in the car i was terrified of everything until i understood that this is all the symtoms of anxiety,dont dwell on ure feelings accept even if you forget for a second it means you are getting there seconds makes minutes ,minutes makes hrs and so on ,until before you know it ure good for a week then months ,and setbacks as horrible as they seem are a learning curb to recovery just dont panick ride the storm and each one passes quicker than the last ,mine still come and go but last less ,they still hit bad until i say well its just here a feeling ,it wont stop me iam strong and so are all of you out there keep up the fight we all so deserve it .i once said i dont want to win the lotto all i want is peace of mind and its coming slowly but surely x

  942. Debbie Says:

    Had an awful day hope it’s better tomorrow! Visit to the docs so that’s an ordeal usually have to sit round there for at least two hours in the waiting room! Got my weigh in in the morn hoping for a loss, actually I’m hoping to actually get there first! Bad days take so much out of you don’t they, feels like you’ve gone back to square one! x

  943. Jo Says:

    Hi Aura, thank you for your kind words of encouragement, it is vey much appreciated. I know I am making progress but it does seem very slow. x

  944. Jo Says:

    Hi Debbie, hope you are feeling a bit better this morning. Two hours is a very long time to have to wait at the doctors, they shouldn’t make you wait that long.Hope you get sorted this time. x

  945. Debbie Says:

    Jo how are you this morning? With the doctors I’m popping in to see what doctors are on if none of the good ones are there I will go tomorrow, I’m going for my weigh in but won’t stay for the meeting feel too wobbly, shame as I enjoy it. It’s pouring with rain here which doesn’t help your mood. Got a cake to make so going to have to pace myself. x

  946. Doreen Says:

    Debbie and Jo – sorry you are both wobbly. A pain isn’t it when you have been on the up as you have been Debbie. As I said in an earlier post – the upward climb seems long and hard and the slide down is only too quick and easy.

  947. Doreen Says:

    Should also have said though that hopefully you will not have gone down as far as previous times and that the climb up does get shorter.

  948. Jo Says:

    Hi Debbie and Doreen. I scared myself a bit this morning by getting on the scales! I know I shouldn’t have done it but I did. Still losing weight but then I am only eating the equievalent of one meal a day.
    Doreen you are so right about that, but fear is the stronger emotion isn’t it?
    Debbie, hope you get to see the doctor today, it’s not nice having to keep rescheduling.

  949. Doreen Says:

    Yes, it does seem to be the stronger emotion I agree. But when you look at what makes up the rest it is loads of things which individually may be as strong at times but not consistently strong as fear seems able to be. For instance in a ‘normal’ day we may feel a bit of happy, a bit of sad, cross, elated, pleased, cheesed off etc etc. But we don’t really chalk them up as dominating our day in the way we do with anxiety. They are just ‘there’ and we can live peacefully with them.

  950. Michelle Says:

    Hi doreen , could we please meet up next week or any other time . My eldest daughter gets keys for her new house friday and very busy helping her pack .
    I had the youngest move to Baliff Bridge last friday and loretta this friday , she is just moving up the road from me .
    I am having a rest from it all today though , very tired . I never got on here yesterday with all the packing , it was very quiete wasnt it .
    Yes doreen we will meet whenever suits you , once this weekend out of way x

  951. Michelle Says:

    Jo and Debbie ,
    Hope you both feeling bit better , i had horrid day yesterday and tired out today

    Wish we didnt notice it all so much like Doreen says in her post , we never use to . x

  952. Michelle Says:

    Jo , that is just the same as me , i eat the eqivelant of one meal a day just dont feel hungry ,Its very hard to build regular eating back up and that old adrenilin soon burns it off .As always we must try not to add fear to it , and just eat what we can and not think too much about it x

  953. Jo Says:

    Hi Michelle. I’m feeling pretty horrible at the moment. Very frightened and ‘out of it’. I keep almost nodding off then jolting awake and feel like I have been unconcious or something. I hate this feeling. I am trying to accept but it all seems too much.My limbs feel really shaky too although I am not actually shaking. i just can’t seem to summon the will to get up and do anything.
    Hope you are feeling a bit better today. x

  954. Debbie Says:

    Jo so sorry your feeling horrible what a pair we are, there’s you giving me support while at the doctors and you feel awful, hopefully by now your feeling a bit better, there’s you losing weight without trying and worrying over it and there’s me dieting! Lost 2 pound this week, just missing the gym can’t wait to get back to it!
    Well I’ve finally got somewhere at the doctors this last year has been awful anxiety being blamed by the doctors but today I found a doctor who listened to me, it’s not anxiety it’s a hormone inbalance, I knew it! Of course I’ve still got anxiety issues which have got tons better, but I knew this was something different something separate to anxiety, so I feel a bit relieved but got to wait for appointments to get going on sorting it all.

    Doreen you are so right what you said in your last couple of posts it is a hard long slog up that’s for sure only to easily slip down again then it’s crawling back up again, no wonder our mind and bodies are so exhausted!

  955. Michelle Says:

    Jo , we have said it before but it is strange how a lot of us have a bad day together . I am very nervey i just heard my gate go and felt panicky , that has not happened for a long time . Feel to have slipped right back to the beggining .
    yes i know the limbs shaking from the inside , hate to have to give in today but cannot help it .We do push forward on a good day but i just cannot understand how paul managed these real bad days ,

    Yes they pass although its very hard to believe they do . Should
    we push through on these days or give in .Is the giving in the problem ?
    I feel all energy and motivation gone and i mean gone .
    I have not felt this frightened for a long time , doesnt it love to test us .

    C weekes says ” how can you possibly be accepting if you are still moaning ?
    But dont know how anyone wouldnt moan with feeling like this .
    The other day we were striding through , popping into town and that, then how on earth do we end up like this today ?
    Yes we will be doing all that again , but hard to understand how we slip right back isnt it xx

  956. Jo Says:

    Hi Debbie, so pleased you are getting sorted at last.Well done on the weight loss too.Really proud of you, you have really stuck with it.
    I am feeling a little bit better. I think I am just tired again after a restless night. Only managed half a tea cake for lunch.

  957. Jo Says:

    Michelle, at least we all understand each other don’t we? I am like that with noises too,feels like a knife going through you! I don’t know what the answer is Michelle, I usually give in till I feel a bit stronger, then push on. The fear is awful isn’t it?
    Going out with Meggie anyway, no matter how bad I feel.

    Maybe Paul will come on and give some encouraging words.

  958. Doreen Says:

    Michelle – Thursday is usually the best day for me. Next week or the week after. Shall we say next Thursday and you can let me know right up to the last minute if you change your mind. I will be in the station at 2pm. I’ll tell you what I am wearing when I make up my mind on Thursday depending on the weather

  959. Michelle Says:

    Doreen , thank you i will check which one either next thusday or the one after and let you know , and 2 pm sounds good , looking forward to meeting you :-)

  960. Mike F Says:

    Hello everyone, I hope everyone is doing well. I was wondering if anxiety can hit in older men. I am 58 years old and my symptoms are worse when I first wake in the morning. I try to get thru the day but I have no drive like I used to have. Any reply is appreciated. Thank you all.

  961. Doreen Says:

    Anxiety can hit anybody at any age. Feeling worse in the morning is very common. Good for you for trying to get through the day. In the end, that is really the best way through.

  962. aura Says:

    mike if you believe its worse in the morning it will be have something to do plan ure morning ,having something to do can take your mind of it i used to hate mornings ,i dreaded my day a head .anxiety doesnt pick morning or nighr we do i know its so hard to shift your thoughts ignore it dont talk about your anxiety as that will only highlight it live your life as you would if you didnt have anxiety ,and it will ease i promise,x

  963. Jo Says:

    Mike F. I agree with Doreen, any age at any time. My mornings are worse too, it seems to be the same for many of us. A doctor told me it is to do with brain chemicals, and how they rise and fall during the day.

  964. Nicola Says:

    How can it be that I have only ever known this world, and I have lived in it for nearly 30 years without problem and complete acceptance, but now having had anxiety for so long I don’t feel like I recognise anything, don’t feel like I belong and feel so completely out of place. WTF has happened to me.

  965. Nicola Says:

    Decided to read Claire Weekes book. Wow, what an amazingly insightful lady. Just reading a chapter that totally described me at my worst. So good to know it is a recognised dilemma.

  966. Doreen Says:

    Michelle – realised I am busy on 30th August. Time flies by so quickly. So either 23rd August or sometime in September.
    Sun shining here today after an amazing amount of rain yesterday afternoon. Thank goodness as we are having solar panels refitted. They were done a month ago and aren’t working properly.
    Hope you all have a reasonable day.

  967. Debbie Says:

    It amazes me how people with anxiety can be so strong, I’ve just finished an anniversary cake thats being collected tonight its got around 35-40 flowers which I’ve made out of icing, it looks like a basket of flowers, how can anybody do that feeling like they are in the depths of despair! For once in my life I’m proud of myself but also just don’t understand it! x

  968. Michelle Says:

    Debbie , the cake sounds amazing and too right you should feel proud .It has realy made you think hasnt it ? We are very strong i hear others moan over the slightest thing and god knows how they would cope with this .

    So the answer is to just go along and do the things we have to with “it” in the background . I was feeling i cannot do hardly anything today , but if you have managed to finish a fantastic cake then come on michelle up and off and on with today .
    I know we know the answers and what we have to do , but it helps give others a boost when somone posts what they have achieved
    Well done and thanks for sharing x

  969. Doreen Says:

    Debbie – I felt such a swell of pride for you and we have never even met. Also admiration for a real talent. Don’t try to understand it – there is no need. Like all of us Debbie, there are many sides to you and they are just as real as the side that at the moment feels c…
    You are someone who is strong enough to lose weight, to go to the gym, to make lunch for family etc
    Accept that and you are well on the way to recovery.

  970. Jo Says:

    Hi Debbie, your cake is amazing. Yes folks I have seen it so I know.
    You should be very proud of yourself.
    Ben and I went to Town and Tesco this morning and I felt so bad Ben nearly brought me straight home from Town. But I said no, I would just feel bad about giving in so we carried on. Wasn’t easy but I’m glad I did it. x

  971. Sydney Carton Says:

    To Mike F

    Hi Mike – just to say I’m 66 and don’t believe anxiety is a respecter of particular age groups. My mornings are rotten but my evenings are tolerable. Although my problem began following a period of domestic stress (caring for an aged Mother and Aunt for two years) I feel I retired far too early and now have too much time to think or overthink. My advice is to rise as early as possible and try to keep occupied even if it involves tackling menial tasks.

  972. lorryt Says:

    Hi all

    Just like to say a huge thank you to Shirely who was on this site a while back, who recently contacted me and gave me some support when i needed it most. I realise i am always under pressure, but ned to find some way to view my life in a different way otherwise anxiety will rule me. I have come a very long way since I first started on here and it has certianly improved my life beyond compare. Although I am still vulnerable and very much still work in progress ( arent we all) it has helped me cope much better and understand that we arent superhuman and we all have various emotions and feelings to deal with and they are transient. But in the meantime i am not in a very good place in my h ead and need to try and get a mor epositive approach towards this blooming anxiety again, i had learnt so much but seem to have forgotten a lot of the non analyzing stuff,, just let things be and accept how are you it will pass, try not to fight as if you fight you feed. its really hard at times and catches me out a lot at the moment , thankyou to all who have helped me out and continue to give incredible support to ohers. xx

  973. Jo Says:

    Paul, where are you? Are you ok? We would like to hear from you :)

  974. Michelle Says:

    Paul , yes it be nice to hear from you :-)

  975. Michelle Says:

    Striding along with the old anxious tummy today , anxiety loves to grip me in the stomach . Going on a long walk with westies now . Hope ellis isnt in a big attitude mood , doesnt help when a little westie starts shouting at a rottwieler and squaring up to big , big dogs .

    Barking i mean not shouting x

  976. Debbie Says:

    Thanks for your replies much appreciated, the lady picked up her cake she said wow it’s fantastic, even though I find compliments hard to take when she left I felt pleased with myself!

    Jo well done for sticking town out, it’s so hard with the old jelly legs and panicky thoughts but you did it, you can look forward to some DINNER now! Ha ha xx

  977. Doreen Says:

    Paul is putting stuff on Twitter so looks like he is ok.

  978. angela Says:

    hi i havnt been on here for a while.. my anxiety has gotten worse over the last few months,, not so much as it was before but its a different kind of anxiety. not so many irrational thoughts etc but im becoming extremely miserable (lost my sense of humour) i seem to be a miserable sod and im not getting on wit h my husband at the moment, and im doubting whether i love him anymore? even though im pretty sure its my anxiety. its getting me down a lot. morning are worse for me i get out of bed very iritable!! i hate it and its difficult to cope with.. we are under each others feet as we are both of ove the six weeks holiday lol but i just want to be me again, granted we have been through arough time the last few years. i have decided to come off my meds as ive been on them for two years. i explained to the doc i do not have bi-polar (WHICH WAS NEVER DIAGNOSED) i simply had a break down after losing my mom suddenly from a heart attack :( i truly beleive they did nothing for me after the first few months of (taking the edge off) my breakdown.. so as of toninght im of my quitiapine.. i have been lowering the dose over a period of 8 months so i did it correct. has anyone experienced this and the irritability side of it. and lack of sense of humour.. its so confusing but i cant see how meds can help anxiety. i do far better on my own.. please help :)

  979. angela Says:

    sorry for rambling its my anniversary the 22nd ive been married 14 years. i really want to celebrate but my self loathing takes over lol
    i would just like to no if anyone else experiences very deep miserable periods and irritability… hope everyone is ok this is a wonderful site and has helped me so much over the last two years :)

  980. DCYL Says:

    Hey All,

    Hope everyone is well. I wanted to post as a friend helped point something out yesterday and it illustrated one of Paul’s points on this post. My friend had been gone on vacation for two weeks and we were catching up yesterday.

    I mentioned I was doing well except for a brief period last week when some sleep stuff threw me off. However, during the conversation, I noted to my friend that I had been staying busy to help out with getting my mind off of things.

    But I also mentioned that I was realizing that my activity was due to the fact that I has some anxious feelings when I had down time. I mentioned this before but just sitting around the house wasn’t really that comfortable for me (I think others would agree).

    My friend noted to me that she was glad I noticed. She told me that she had noticed this habit from an email I had sent her before she went on vacation. I usually go out with my parents on sunday. But they had been busy one weekend and I was admittedly anxious. I did find a couple of things to do which was fine.

    But the point was that I probably didn’t realize that that my activity was RUNNING away from my feelings. Not saying the activity was a bad thing. But I realized that anxiety creeps into things and you may not always realize it.

    For those of us who are better but maybe not 100%, perhaps take stock if there are some habits (like Paul notes) and see if you are using those habits as crutches. I think I was and realizing it certainly helps. :)

  981. lorryt Says:

    hi all

    Just reading a few posts and with regards achievements, its true , although we dont actually recognise it our selves we can get alot done even when we are at our lowest. I was working only 2 days a week and really low, crying, caught up in it all, now knowing where to go. At the time i couldnt function and though that it was the end of the world. WELL…… i AM NOW A FEW YEARS DOWN THE LINE..and I am working harder than I have ever done and im two years older, I have two wonderful children and supporting a family and a much bigger mortgage. I never though at any point that I would ever be able to work full time and cope with kids etc. And dont get me wrong I do find it can be tricky at times, i am doing it. So to everyone out there who thinks that they cant return to a normal life. well you can. it does take time and effort but it can be done. I dont think we give ourselves enough credit fro what we do achieve and if we do we find it hard to accept and priase. we need to give ourselves a break and cut us some slack. we can do it xx

  982. Jo Says:

    Morning all.Had a really awful start, very nervy and faint feeling, but we walked to town for my tablets and although I felt like I was going to pass out in Boots, I didn’t. Home and resting now and feeling slightly better.

  983. Nicola Says:

    Thank you lorryt for your positive post xx

  984. Michelle Says:

    My mobile just went off ( a text ) had to laugh at myself , it made me jump and my feet felt they left the ground i literally jumped . How silly .

    Jo you atayed in Boots although the bogey man was trying to frighten you thats the way to do it x

  985. Jo Says:

    Michelle, i’m sorry i am smiling :) When I was in Boots a very loud bell went off at the delivery door. I nearly took flight!

  986. Michelle Says:

    Jo , glad your smiling :-) and we can see the funny side of it .

    See Jo one time we couldnt , so improvement there a bit of sense of humour x

  987. Jo Says:

    Yes, small but signifigant. I am on my own again this afternoon so trying to keep calm and carry on :)

  988. angela Says:

    sorry for rambling above… its my anniversary the 22nd ive been married 14 years. i really want to celebrate but my self loathing takes over i get extremely miserable,
    i would just like to no if anyone else experiences very deep miserable periods and irritability… hope everyone is ok this is a wonderful site and has helped me so much over the last two years

  989. tfox44 Says:

    I am so friggen fed up. I’m trying so hard to takes paul advice and I doo, but feeling like crap really gets to me. I feel the world is so foreign and I have NO CLUE how to get back to my old self, I have no clue how to even make sense of it all anymore. I go out everyday but this feeling of dp is so horrendous that I want to rip out my brain. This just can’t be normal I feel. I know it is for how we react, bbut I feel like how is this humanly possible…what happened to that peaceful, calm, optimistic person I was? Now I feel I can’t stand up without feeling faint. Oh how I hate anxiety. I really hope you r all much better.

  990. tfox44 Says:

    Angela, u love your hubby. Same thing happened to me. Anxiety is sucking up anything good, any good feeling.. when its over u will see clear.

    Lorryt- did u ever have flashback memories? I think I remember reading that from you awhile ago.

  991. Nicola Says:

    Angela yes I have these periods too

  992. Nicola Says:

    Well I’ve got acceptance down to a T and for once in a very long time my brain actually feels rested and better. Only acceptance I’m struggling with is acceptance of the world, it still feels impossible that this is all real, although I know it is and the anxiety that accompanies this thought is minimal. I have decided to just continue as I am and hope that I’ll once again feel comfortable with life.

    I had an interesting experience the other day whilst sitting outside, I realised I didn’t feel so separate from everything, I felt more merged with my surroundings, it was an amazing feeling, def think I’m on the road to recovery.

    Hope everyone else is ok, I’d like to read more stories of recovery. Anyone know where I can?

  993. Debbie Says:

    Nicola there’s quite a few people that used this blog for support but only pop on here now and again as they have recovered, it’s good when they do and tell us about their road to recovery, it gives us all hope!
    Sounds like your doing well and are going in the right direction well done it’s good to hear, see you are giving out your own success story now!

  994. Lisa Says:

    Hi everyone,

    I am coming up to a strange place in my recovery. It’s connected to the whole fear of fear thing. Last year, actually exactly a year ago (mid-August) was, when my anxiety which had been there but minimally for a few years before that really took over. A year ago, I was in a horrible place and now I’m not, so that’s a good thing. But August tends to be a stressful time for me even in the best years because of my job, so now I’m finding the anxiety creeping back just a little bit because I know that events are coming up that I found very difficult to deal with last year. So certain meetings, and work related trips that I took last year in the midst of the worst of anxiety symptoms are coming up again. I guess I’m struggling with memories of anxiety coupled with normal healthy stress and the “what ifs” are there again and they a little louder than I’m used to in this stage of recovery. I’m just letting them be there. But this next month is going to be a real test of my coping skills.

  995. Matt Says:

    tfox….I went through the same exact thing!! It feels horrible and everything feels foreign and scary, but for me, I had to realize what I was going through and reminding myself of it. No, it doesn’t feel normal at all! but your brain is on defense mode right now, that’s why everything feels so unreal. The key is to get into a routine of doing normal things, while carrying the Dp with you, over time you forget about it a few seconds, minutes, days, and so on until you wake up and realize you’ve been back to normal for a few weeks and didn’t even realize it. why? because you regain yourself in layers, it doesn’t all come back at once, you’ll get yourself back in layers piece by piece, and for me it was subtle to the point that I was back to my normal self and forgot what DP was like. I know that sounds weird when you feel like you’re living in hell, but all it is is your mind and body sending out false signals, you have to accept that’s what it is. That was the hardest part, just accepting and not questioning. But once you practice enough, you’ll be back and it even becomes easy at a certain point when the DP crops back up if you lose the fear, it’s like, “oh you again, do your thing I don’t care”. And it goes away.

    the main things that got me through are acceptance, understanding, and developing that attitude of so what. When you “truly” do all those things, you’ll be back to your normal self, trust me on this one. That’s how paul did it, and countless others. It’s not a life sentence, the key to recovery is in your back pocket, all ya gotta do is take it out.

  996. Nicola Says:

    the main things that got me through are acceptance, understanding, and developing that attitude of so what. When you “truly” do all those things, you’ll be back to your normal self, trust me on this one. That’s how paul did it, and countless others. It’s not a life sentence, the key to recovery is in your back pocket, all ya gotta do is take it out.

    Well said Matt and exactly what i’m practising now, with FULL acceptance, you really do have to stop giving a s**t about the anxiety to be blunt.

    I had a wonderful day today but when I got home my brain went on a ‘what is the universe all about and how did it get here’ trip and nearly freaked me out, I’ve had to nip it in the bud, as things I can’t answer scare me. I told my bf and he said it doesn’t scare him so I chalked it up as anxiety and decided if I had to ask those questions, to do it when I’ve recovered.

  997. Debbie Says:

    Not feeling good at all, usually feel better in the evenings but I’m not tonight, really struggling!
    For weeks I’ve been doing ‘normal’ things, I actually at the moment feel worse than ever, so going out and leading a normal life hasn’t helped at all feeling I can’t cope much longer with this! Sorry to be negative x

  998. Sam Says:

    Hi Paul

    Sorry to bother you but I believe I have been suffering with anxiety since a young age and my anxiety is playing on the fact that I’ve had it for so many years and from so young that the worry and anxiety habits may be very hard to reverse. I was just wondering if you have ever heard of someone recovering in a similar situation. I understand you have many people to respond to but it would be much appreciated if you could let me know. It would give me peace of mind and hopefully a real confidence in the techniques you have shared with us, allowing me to move on. Many thanks


  999. Amie Says:

    Last week I went on a trip to Arizona and had the best time!! I saw all my old friends and it was great. Since coming home, things havent been to good. I keep questioning whether or not my husband and I should move back to Arizona even though he has a great job here in Utah and my parents are here!! Ugghhh… Every time I feel like Im doing well, I get worse. Its so hard when you have no friends around. Everyone I know is in Arizona and its been tough listening to everything theyve been doing and we havent been apart of.
    Its been pretty boring here in Utah. My husband never wants to go out and with me not working, its hard to anyways when you dont have the money.
    I was laid off because of my anxiety issues. Its been difficult being home all day with the kids and trying to get over the anxiety. I always feel horrible during the day and then I get better when my husband comes home. Not sure why. Are there any stay at home moms out there that overcame the anxiety?

  1000. Brian Says:

    Hey Mark/All,
    Mark I read your posts and holy hell man it was like you were typing my exact experiences with anxiety. The way my anxiety works (much like yours, I think) is it finds something completely random such as “losing the ability to talk,” and it just goes on and on and on about what if I could no longer talk! Whats frustrating is that the thoughts and the worries/anxiety I get are completely irrational. I dont worry about the world economy, I dont worry about my family, I worry about ridiculous things, like losing my wit/ssense of humor. Instead of my brain recongnizing these things as irrational and moving on, it recognizes them as irrational but digs deeper and deeper and deeper until I feel trapped thinking about something ridiculous. What ticks me off the most, is like you said, the amount of time I spend thinking about the dumbest most irrational stuff, while the rest of the world has real life concerns ie money, family, kids. Sometimes its just nice to hear that I am not the only person who has these irrational worries, and I’m not the only one who finds them crippling at times. Thanks for your post, and if anybody else has irrational fears and have overcome them, I would love to hear your point of view! Thanks guys


  1001. Brian Says:

    One more thing. I find it frustrating watching TV and just seeing so many people seemingly live there lives with ease. I even think about myself a couple of months ago…a person with such a zest for life! Its frustrating watchign the world go by thinking about irrational fears.

  1002. John M. Says:

    Hello, I’m on month four of pretty constant obsession of breathing. It’s scaey as me only being 21, so I had tests done…ekg, Gerd, asthma, CT scan and the doctor thinks anxiety. My psychiatrist thinks my OCD, which I previously had (rituals, counting), morphed bc I had some traumatic events (chest wall inflammation causing difficulty breathing and my first surgery…appendix).

    Well, now I have developed a constant obsession with my breathing. I sometimes struggle to go out and it seems my breathing trouble is constant and I get depreased bc it never goes away! My home has been my safe zone and I leave for school in a week and have become nervous about dealing with the breathing there. I’m trying to deal with this wuthout medixine. I want this to go away. I want to be myself again. I want to overcome my strong mind and beat this.

    I used to be a lot more fun and outgoing and this has hindered me. It’s hard to forget about the breathing when it disrupts my days.

    What is the best way to BEAT it. I don’t like these detached feelings. By the way, I haven’t been very outgoing since.

    Please help. I don’t want to obsess over thus breathing anymore, or at least have it go away for ling periods of time because it’s pretty consistent. Definitely daily.


  1003. tfox44 Says:

    Matt thank you sooooo much. I hate dp with a passion. My fear is to suddenly hear voices or see things, which will not happen. I will take your advice. Thank you for the hope. It def is hell. Feel like I’m so far from normality.

    Brian I worry about the dumbest things too, like how the brain works scares me? How the body works? Where am I in my body? How do we speak? Dumb crap that I really don’t care about. I have heard the fear has nothing to jump on that is actually dangerous in sight, so it jumps on everything else. So annoying.

    Sam I delt with anxiety since a child and was well for years. Don’t worry it can be overcome no matter what.

    Debbie – I totally understand, its so tiring

    Nicola I understand that fear of what is this? But determined to say frig it. Cuz before I knew everything I had to know and had my specific beliefs. Its anxiety playing its games

  1004. tfox44 Says:

    Johnm aanxiety clings to ANYTHING, especially things that can irritate you. Just say “oh well” and don’t fight the thoughts…just say oh well. It is what it is. I KNOW EASIER SAID THEN DONE. Don’t worry your mind will cling to a million things…guess what its all anxiety. A mind as ease couldn’t care less, loose the anxiety….loose the thoughts.

  1005. Jo Says:

    Hi Debbie, sorry you are struggling again. I get evenings like that sometimes and it’s hard because my evenings are usually the best time of the day. Don’t forget you are going through other stuff too at the moment which is not helping. I don’t think this heat helps either, it can make you feel even more anxious, tired and out of breath.I was just flaked out most of yesterday, and kept thinking ‘oh no, I’m getting worse’ till I realised it was the heat getting to me. We really have got to try and let things be, and try to accept how we feel on each day as it comes. x

  1006. Carlie Says:

    Having a rough time I guess… not that the anxiety is really bad, but it’s just the DP as always. I feel like I’ll never be me again. Sometimes I even get confused and it’s like my mind is just totally blank for a second. I feel like it should definitely be gone by now, and I guess the fact that I still think about it is keeping it there? I’m probably thinking about it so much that I don’t even realize I’m doing it, but I don’t know.

  1007. Carlie Says:

    John, that obsession with breathing sounds like something I had about 10 years ago, then again for a brief period 3 years ago. I was just so focused on my breathing for some reason, and it caused me to hyperventilate. There was nothing actually wrong with me, it was just my anxiety. Yours sounds like it’s probably the same thing. The best thing you can do is keep yourself as busy as possible. Eventually I got to the point where I realized how silly the whole thing was, and it didn’t have an effect on me anymore. And then of course I eventually moved on to another obsession, haha.

  1008. Jo Says:

    Carlie, you have taken the words right out of my mouth this morning. DP and not being myself! Just got back from Tesco, felt really awful in there, felt sure I was going to end up on the floor, bit I didn’t. The heat is not helping. x

  1009. Will Says:

    Brian – Wow, you took the words right out of my mouth. I too obsess over the strangest, silliest, most unrealistic thoughts ever (such as “what if I forget how to walk?” or “what if inanimate objects have feelings?” (as in when I toss my iPod onto the bed the thought enters my mind that I hurt it)) and I find myself just constantly thinking about them, as if I’m waiting for these thoughts to happen and act themselves out.

    I just got back from a 2 week holiday to Egypt with my family and cousins, and although I felt relatively anxiety-free for the most part, I did have the occasional obsessive thought, as if I was being tested. Let me give an example: My cousin told me something his physics teacher once told him, that if reality had a form, mathematically it would be the shape of an hourglass. For a day or two I found myself with this thought in my mind, as if I was slowly going mad from this “revelation”, and as if my brain was constantly trying to understand the workings of it. However due to the experiences I had on holiday (coral snorkelling and desert quadbiking), I barely noticed this thought any longer… proof of anxiety. So I KNOW it’s just my mind overthinking these thoughts, but it’s always pretty unnerving when you find yourself stuck in one of those thoughts, I know.

  1010. Nicola Says:

    Will, I have those really far out thoughts, examples of mine are, what happened at the beginning of time, how was the universe born, was it born from nothing or was there something already there, if there was something already there where did that come from, can there be a beginning and end to time… And I find myself against my best intentions getting sucked in, and the further you go in to this s**t the less real the world feels as its all so completely beyond me and anything I am capable of comprehending. This isn’t even a fraction of the stuff I have thought about. It is an unnerving train of thought.

  1011. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Sorry for dissapearing, but I have been very poorly for 2 weeks apart from a 3 day break when I thought I was OK. I am still not right and am going to see the doctor tomorrow.

    I had loads of posts in moderation that I got around to, Pat no one was ignoring you, all your posts were not showing as they were all in moderation. I have had delete them all as most were not relevant with you thinking people were not answering you, post again and I will accept it and then you can post as you wish.

    Also tfox44 please can you not post links to other sites without asking first, I can’t say why, but the site you mentioned would never get a mention on here.

    I will try and get on and answer the odd post when I am better, it is better to just ask in a general sense to everyone and then I pick up on the post that I think will help the most people on here. There are way to many to answer when people ask me direct.

    Hope people are getting better


  1012. John M. Says:

    Thanks Carlie, it’s frustration because it feels like I’m being held back because I’m not myself. I have distracted myself and it somewhat helps, but as soon as I’m bored or trying to sleep, I re-think of it. Carlie, did you feel uncomfortable and monitor your breathing? What made you realize it was silly, how long did it take to clear once you accepted it and will watching/checking your breathing, but accepting that it’s anxiety help? Did you take meds? I don’t want to because as a college student, I drink on weekends. Also, I feel my home is my safe spot and my parents have helped and in a week I’m back on my own. Could this cause anxiety because I’m worried to deal with it without them?

    I want to fully recover and be the fun me again! Thanks!

  1013. John M. Says:

    Anyone else feel free to add advice. I want it. Depression sets in as I wonder if I’ll be the same and I look at other people and say to myself that I wish I could be who they are because they seem to not have thus obsession over breathing. Thanks and hope people can help me! I want to beat this!

  1014. Nicola Says:

    John what you have is anxiety, if you weren’t obsessing over breathing it would be something else. The breathing one was the first REAL obsessive scary thought I had. It came about when I was pregnant and worried the baby would press on my lungs and inhibit my breathing. I obsessed over it for ages. In the end it got to the point where I thought, ok, in 28 years I’ve never stopped breathing yet, if it happens, it happens, but I’m not going to waste my time thinking about it. Then my anxiety latched onto something else, and once I’d worked through the next thing it latched onto something else, and so on and so on, until nearly two years later I realised that the only fear I needed to overcome was FEAR. I am now learning to accept. I have never felt better although the anxiety has latched onto something else, and it’s a whopper, but I’m floating through regardless. Read Claire Weekes books. She will make you feel much better.

  1015. Carlie Says:

    Jo – Sorry you’re feeling the same. I hope you have a better day tomorrow!

    John – That’s exactly what it was like for me! Going to sleep was the worst. By constantly thinking about it, I basically made myself hyperventilate and then I wasn’t getting enough oxygen. I actually did it for a few minutes last month when I hadn’t had any sleep. But knowing that I had been through it before and came out fine, I was able to tell myself that my body knows what it’s doing. We don’t have to think about breathing because our lungs do it for us. I was just tired and my anxiety was sticking to anything it could! As far as reaching that point where I realized it was silly… really it just took time. It was one of those things where I didn’t notice it wasn’t bothering me anymore because I was too busy focusing on just living my life (sounds like some advice I need to take when dealing with DP). I think eventually I just reached a point where I wasn’t as anxious or vulnerable anymore, and it was then that I realized “Hey, I’m causing this problem by stressing over it! Why am I doing that?” I hope my explanation makes sense. I didn’t take medication because at the time I hadn’t dealt with much anxiety before, and I was only about 12 years old actually. I didn’t really know what it was, but I now realize that it was definitely the start of some of my problems with anxiety. I was scared to be alone too! But nothing bad will happen to you. Just try to remember, it’s only anxiety (easier said than done, I know). You will be fine!

  1016. Courtney Says:

    Hi Paul,

    I just wanted to share my story with you, and thank you for the information and support that you give to anxiety sufferers.

    In April 2011, I had a panic attack seemingly out of the blue after attending a dance aerobics class, although at the time I didn’t realize that’s what it was. I had always been very active and fit, however after that moment was when my downward spiral started.. over the past year and a half I have quit my dance classes (I was a dancer all my life) and would hardly even walk up a flight of stairs without thinking that my heart was going to stop or that I was going to get weak or something would happen to me.

    Everyday I began to feel worse. Weakness and heaviness in my limbs, extreme fatigue (to the point of sleeping 12 hours and then hardly being able to get out of bed) shakiness, dizzy spells, plugged ears, racing heart, funny feeling in my chest and stomach (I described it as though someone was pulling down on my organs, or had filled me with insulation…as strange as that may sound) and feelings of being unreal or being in a dream.

    The worse I felt, the more I would obsess about my health, and the more I obsessed about my health, the worse I felt. I went to the doctor numerous times, and aside from my thyroid being slightly off.. all my other tests always came back normal. It got so bad in the past couple of months that I would be checking my pulse every five minutes (I did this until my neck hurt from pressing on my artery so much) and I got scared to be home alone or to drive alone. When I had to drive by myself, I started mapping out places that I could stop to get help “if something happened to me”. For example I would say “Oh, the hospital is only five minutes from here… I could get there pretty quickly right??”

    I also obsessed about other health-related things such as anaphylaxis. If I had an itch or thought that I felt a tingle in my mouth.. I would think that I was having an allergic reaction. I should also note that I have no known allergies, so this was a strange one for me and I’m not sure why I developed this specific fear.

    Somehow, despite all this.. I didn’t realize that my problem was anxiety until three weeks ago when I had a complete nervous breakdown.

    I knew I had totally hit a wall when I couldn’t even go to work anymore (I have been off almost three weeks now) and I felt so detached and unreal that I felt like I didn’t belong in my own life.. which just caused more panic as you can imagine.

    I jogged that night, my first exercise in a year and a half because I had finally realized that ALL of this was anxiety. As you can imagine, nothing happened to me. My heart didn’t stop. I saw my doctor a few days later and explained my symptoms and was diagnosed with severe anxiety disorder. She was wonderfully understanding and assured me that I had already taken the first step towards recovery by admitting to myself that anxiety was my problem, and stopping looking for other illnesses that I must surely have.

    I was put on antianxiety medication, and have been jogging 5 evenings a week but I feel the real breakthrough for me was coming across your site and buying your book. When I first started reading, I couldn’t believe that someone else not only knew what I felt like.. but had a reason for why. Your list of irrational/scary thoughts were exactly word for word some of the things that I had been saying or thinking. It gave me so much comfort to finally be able to understand. Though I am trying medication to get me through this rough patch, I am taking your advice to not use it as a crutch or hope for it to be a miracle cure. I have really been applying your advice to my life and I can’t believe how much better I feel in only one week. I know I still have a long way to go, but I realized that I am finally on the upswing when today, not only did I not panic when driving home by myself, but I drove around the block a few times after I had already made it home to hear the end of a song I like on the radio.

    I felt awful last night. I felt so heavy and tired that I could hardly get up out of bed (one reason I haven’t been sleeping well at all due to racing thoughts), but I made myself get up and went to a bbq with some friends. There were moments where I thought I was going to panic and everything in the room started to look a little out of focus, but I just thought of your book and I said to myself “That’s fine anxiety, if you want to make me feel like that then go ahead, but I’m not going to leave.” And I stayed, and focused well enough to play some cards and have some laughs with them after.

    So all in all, I just wanted to share my story with you and thank you so much for what you do. I don’t think I ever would have realized how much I was fighting this, and that the fight to feel normal again was what was keeping me down. I’m not even close to being fully recovered, but I finally understand and finally realize what I was doing wrong and I know now that I can recover and that in time, I will. Only one week after giving up the fight and realizing that I have to live alongside my anxiety for awhile, I am already noticing small improvements.

    I wish everyone who is suffering from anxiety the best of luck, and don’t give up.

  1017. Clare Says:

    hi Paul sorry u r not well hope u r feeling better. I am in. Moderation hope u can reply now I have had Claire weeks book years and think she was a wonderful woman I hope you can carry other good work on people need. To know someone cares in this mad world

  1018. John M. Says:

    Nicola and Carlie. Your information helps and makes since because it’s so familiar. At first I was worried about my breathing, but if I’m obsessing about breathing, could it be because of some other fear? I am worried about dealing with it far from home (even tho I will be constantly distracted at school). Maybe it lingers from that?

    Because it seems the only thing other than that, that I fear is why is my breathing feel uncomfortable or different?

    Also, it seems that other than work, I don’t like being away from home, a.k.a my safe spot, for long. Which is why moving to school worries me.

    Is it OK to notice the breathing? When I distract myself I faintly lose it, but it’s as if I’m holding onto it. You both overcame it. What is the best ways to beat it. No meds or meds? Obviously not in Carlie’s case since she was 12 and do I need to just go to the places I fear? In those situations is it OK to notice the uncomfortable feeling? Thanks so much! School has been my favorite place and now I’m scared to go! Also, having depressive thoughts. It isn’t fun and I’m impatient and don’t want it to drag on!

  1019. tfox44 Says:

    John ‘…anxiety grabs hold of everything. Once you forget that thought it will jump on everything. Mine has jumped from so many things and I made each one a big deal and now I realize its all anxiety playing games. You just accept the thought, don’t fight it but just move your attention to the present moment. This takes tons of practice, I thought I had everything down pat after reading paul and claire weekes book. It really takes effort, and there are MANY ups and downs but eventually all will be well. Just keep hope.

    Matt not sure if you saw my post up there but just wanted to say thank you sooooo much for replying about the dp. I am determined to get passed this, boy is it tuff or what. But I look forward to getting passed it and not fighting myself and beating myself upany longer. I thought I was healed months ago and when I had a setback it really got me down. But there is one fact, its anxiety once I let it pass it will. Altho its hell….it will be a thing of the past. God bless

    Will and Brian – I think of the dumbest things too. Like how the body works, how do I speak?how is reality, reality when its just our perception, how is everything in me physical but my thoughts aren’t (mind u I have specific beliefs and anxiety completed wiped “me”away and started questioning EVERYTHING) OH YEAH AND I HATED MY BRAIN FOR AWHILE….I REALIZE NOW ITS All anxiety the fear is looking for anything to jump on because it sees NO PHYSICAL DANGER. Lose the anxiety, u will lose all this nonsense thinking. Our bodies are overly stressed and we (including our brains) are working overtime, so not only is our heart beating fast but our brain is throwing out any thoughts. Don’t make the mistake I did to try and figure it all out. Just know if you calm down (hard YES I KNOW) IT ALL WILL PASS AND THINGS WILL MAKE MORE SENSE.


  1020. John M. Says:

    Thank you. Instead of jumping around, shouldn’t anxiety be beaten? So there is the sbility to feel fully normal for long periods of time, if not completely?

  1021. Matt Says:

    I had the fear of hearing or seeing things, it doesn’t happen because we are not mentally ill. It’s silly for me to think about it now, but during that time it wasn’t the fear of those things happening is was that I was even having this thought to begin with. Dp/anxiety does latch on to anything, doesn’t matter what it is. Someone told me something that made a lot of sense and helped me through it, he said, “the debate has to be over!” that means i have to stop juggling this crap in my mind focusing on the reality and feeling depressed cause of nerves, this is never going to change, etc. It does change, and you guys will be your normal selves without even realizing it, and then you will look back and say what the hell was I so worried about? but it’s a process, and it happens in layers and whats I learned to actually get control over it, which you can eventually, I felt empowered cause I knew I could finally deal with all this with no hesitation and “really” not give a crap. But yes, it is debilitating sometimes and it can feel like you just wanna give up, but remember this is curable! the anxiety makes you feel like giving up, but if you can muster up just a little courage and hope, it goes a long way.

  1022. tfox44 Says:

    Thanks Matt. I know we aren’t mentally ill. My prayers goes out to those who are, what a horrid condition. ….. My “unreality” got so bad (prob just cuz that’s all I focused on) that I was “sure” my mind would think I was dreaming and make things appear. It sounds so silly, but it was a real bad ffear. I hated my brain cuz I thought it would turn against me”…. I also focus on dumb things like why do we sleep? Why do we fight to live when we live to die (which is crap-life is beautiful altho we can’t “feel” it now”, why are things the way we are, on top of living in a fog….was your dp bad? But like I said in the above post…. I truly have come to the point where I realize anxiety is a big bluff. Its still hard cuz u dig deeper and deeper is the problem. I feel far from normality but always cling to the hope that I will be me again. I know I will. We all will, in time. This will be over and I remember that feeling of “what the heck was I so scared of” ande just feelin so calm and normal and HUMAN. I cannot wait for that! Wooohoooooo ….. and so happy your recovered. Thanks for the hope.

  1023. tfox44 Says:

    John… anxiety can be beaten, but its not a fast thing. Think of all you did/thought to get u where u are, its like taking those layers off bit by bit. Its accepting and floating past the negativity, giving your nervous system time to heal because its very overstimulated. If u find a hobby and something u love, it can go much faster. Something that takes ur mind off it completely. Which I find to be hard. Just keep calm and try to focus on anything but how u feel. Remember “normal” ppl don’t listen to all their thoughts and their every twinge. Us anxious ppl do which keeps our mind and nerves constantly going which produces stress hormones and we feel those affects and are scared of them and its a vicious cycle. Worry is the main factor.

  1024. tfox44 Says:

    Oh yeah and john, its not the thoughts that scare u, its the anxious reaction that scares u….and once u give a thought attention, your brain assumes its something u “want” to think about. When u really want it GONE! E

  1025. John M. Says:

    Thanks, this has helped. If I take this information and apply it, I will be at s xalm feel with my anxiety!

  1026. Debbie Says:

    Hi Paul hoping you get sorted at the docs and feel better soon! X

  1027. Debbie Says:

    Feeling so fedup one minute I was loving the gym and doing lots of things then wham anxiety back worse than ever! Hormones arnt helping either but really struggling at the moment, the symptoms are so strong they are stopping me from doing things, can’t even walk in a straight line look as though I’m drunk! (I wish)

  1028. Jo Says:

    Paul – sorry to hear you have been feeling so poorly, hope the doc soon gets you sorted. x

  1029. Jo Says:

    Debbie, it’s horrible to have setbacks like that, but you have to give the hormones time, they probably take a while to rebalance what is wrong. If you can’t face the gym don’t stress about it, just take the time to rest up until you feel like it again. x

  1030. Mike F Says:

    Paul, You have been such an inspiration to so many, I truly wish you the best at the Doctors today. I am sure you will be back up and running fine in no time!

  1031. claire Says:

    Hello Jo,Debbie Kelly everyone ..I have not been around the site in way over a month I’l have to have a read through all the posts I hope you are all ok.
    I would just like to say I know how difficult this is to live with but i’ts getting easier..I still have panic attacks but they are meaning less to me..I’m actually quite happy in myself right now and I’m looking for a job!
    To anyone feeling really bad right now please believe me that I have been there over and over,I’m just glad I am starting to really come to terms with anxiety it’s horrible but no worse!-It is what it is and you are all much more than negative sensations.xx

  1032. Debbie Says:

    Feeling confused with the doctors one doctor said to go on HRT so told to see the doctor that deals with that, saw her this morning and she says the opposite! Feeling very frustrated with it all, anxiety, menopause and doctors are NOT helping me! I’m for the knackers yard I think! x

    Claire well done hope the job hunting comes up with something good for you! x

  1033. DCYL Says:

    Too bad I still have issues posting from home, but I saw this online and thought it would be useful:

    Relaxation Tip 4:
    Many people worry about the mind wandering whilst relaxing.
    The mind does wander, but it is the act of giving energy to the thoughts that causes disruption.
    If you push away the thoughts, you add energy.
    If you try to hold onto the thoughts, you add energy.. the only thing you can do is observe the thoughts.
    Just notice them and let them go.
    Be the observer.

  1034. Nicola Says:

    I feel so low I actually feel like hurting myself just to get some relief from the mental pain. I feel like a prisoner who’s been locked up, only prisoners know when they’re getting out. I don’t know how much more suffering I can take in my poxy f**king life. I hate the constant struggle, this isn’t living, it pisses me off that people that want to live die, when I’d happily give my life to someone who could enjoy it and live it to the full, because I can’t. I don’t deserve my family.

  1035. tfox44 Says:

    Nicola – I understand what it feels like to be fed up and want to end it. U will get passed this. Know you are not alone. And know this can and will be a thing of the past. The constant struggle of “trying to accept” “trying not to focus on this or that” is tiring. Just live. Just say oh well, everyone has burdens and this is mine…but I will overcome it. We ARE NOT MADE TO WORRY. We are made to let things roll off our mind andnot try to be in control of everything. Our place in this world is not to control, it is to live. And most importantly enjoy life. When our body and mind are overstimulated we cannot SEE CLEARLY HOW THINGS TRULY ARE…EVEN CLAIRE WEEKES SAID IT IS NOT THE WORLD IT IS US AND OUR VIEW POINT. EVEN PPL WITH CONSTANT PHYSICAL PAINhave a burden. We make EVERYTHING SO EXTREME *WHEN IT IS NOT EXTREME AT ALL* try to always remember that….. once our body heals…all will be well. U just gotta hold onto that.

  1036. tfox44 Says:

    I thought I “accepted” many times…only to get dissapointed. When u truly accept anxiety and all it entails, including set backs, and u truly get used to your habbits and how you think and what sets u off, u start to notice well ok this is how it starts but its alll anxiety and stress hormones and just hang tight and float passed that….u will be on your way to real recovery. It will happen.

  1037. Debbie Says:

    Nicola I really feel for you, we have all felt like you many times, all I can say is to take each day as it comes, don’t think past that. I found my hobbies help to keep my mind occupied otherwise there’s too much time to think, it’s really hard cos you feel so awful but potter around and do little things quietly don’t sit on the settee ruminating even though it’s tempting to do, have a bath and put some cream on afterwards, be kind to yourself x

  1038. tfox44 Says:

    Remember our mind is EXTREMEMLY POWERFUL we choose where that powerrful energy goes. I totally understand the CHALLENGE. And u know I know how hard it can be. But it will be OKAY. Keep trucking.

  1039. John M. Says:

    Tfox44 your second to last post is exactly what I just experienced. Remember, I’m the one with obsessive breathing. I have been cooped up inside for three days with a cold and I slowly, while it wasn’t fully, I felt somewhat better. I was happy and comfortable. Then, I went outside and talked to my neighbor. The whole conversation I noticed my breathing and didn’t feel 100 percent into our conversation. although I noticed the breathing in my house, I didn’t let it get to me and it felt somewhat better. I go outside and it instantly becomes uncomfortable, but I don’t know why! I didn’t want to add fear so why did it come?

    Also, in my home I distracted myself and that’s when it was somewhat better. When I went outside I didn’t have a distraction (talking to a neighbor doesn’t distract me). If I have to always distract myself, I don’t know how I can cure this.

    I need some help. How long could this take to fully get better and can it FULLY get better? Because like I said, I was feeling somewhat better, but not fully. Thanks!

    Also, I

  1040. tfox44 Says:

    Hey there. There is no real answer to that. I had those thoughts briefly until my mind started jumped on something else. Recovery is totally accepting everything, knowing that the thoughts will be there but that it really doesn’t matter. Your body breathes on its own its doesn’t matter wether u think of it or not, your anxiety is just clinging to that cuz its annoying and we tend to think of annoying things just to do jus that – annoy us.if u deal with the underlying anxiety – the anxious body and mind by relaxing all the stress hormones and stimulation, then you”ll feel so relaxed and so bored with that thought, that u will want to just enjoy life and give your energy to that. THe more desperate u r to get better, ur stressing ur body more. Remember what your thinking is not important or relevant. We all think of things we don’t have to instead of just living and breathing in the beautiful, clear , God given air . When u have nothing to think of but anxious thoughts they will stick… try to divert your mind…more and more so u have other things to fill your thought process. At first it might be a struggle cuz its a habbit but eventually it will fade to the backround then dissapear.

  1041. tfox44 Says:

    Remember we all breath. Not just u…we are made to breath.

  1042. tfox44 Says:

    I used to think about what the chemicals in my brain were doing 24/7 and how they went to my eyes and how I saw. The bottom line is who cares? Just live. (That’s not a jab at you just encouragement for all of us, cuz its tru) use your mind for positive, exciting things.

  1043. John M. Says:

    That is a good idea. It’s just frustrating being calm, but still feeling it rather than calm and not feeling it and being fully better. I truly can’t believe how awful anxiety is and being a college student, I don’t want to take meds because we drink on weekends.

    Should I continue to go do what I used to do before anxiety and if I notice the breathing, is it OK to notice/acknowledge it?


  1044. DCYL Says:


    Remember why Paul posted this particular article? Mainly it is because we have learned some habits that need to be undone. MOST of the habits involve us constantly checking in on our feelings. The other part is us “worrying about our feelings”, etc, etc…..I’m sure there’s more but I think these two were the main things that I had to deal with.

    Most of the time, we check in because we have NEVER felt this unusual before. We think it’s weird and hope it goes away on it’s own. Maybe for some it does, but for the rest, it doesn’t and then the worry cycle starts.

    For those struggling (and it’s not easy….), instead of worrying about individual feelings / situations, just go on with life. I used to think if I addressed one “worry”, this would just go away. As most of you have found out, anxiety latches onto something else. Just keep on chugging along, you will be fine.

    One quick example. Last week, I got a traffic ticket. In the past, I would have worried about “dang, why was I speeding”, “why did the cop have to get me?”, etc, etc. That day, I knew I was over the speed limit a bit. I didn’t argue and was friendly with the cop. I talked to him and then I moved on. I didn’t like the situation so I talked to co-workers / friends but was pretty much over it by the end of the day.

    I’m sure situations like this could set some people off. So keep things in perspective and you will get better over time. :)

  1045. tfox44 Says:

    Yes John its fine. After u said something about breathing, I noticed mine and notice it right now…its ok. U gotta just find something that sparks your interest and think of that. We are all breathing, we can think of it or not. But I know EXACTLY what u mean about how how awful anxiety is. You’re nervous about thinking of it, so the thought creates more anxiety. U gotta get to the point where u can notice it but not FOCUS on it. I feel u. I was once an anxious college student, until I met my husband and got tired of being anxious. Remember it takes far more effort being anxious then to be calm … once your body understands that you will def want to stay calm and “careless”. You’ll be ok, just hang in there. Don’t stress it. I truly hate anxiety more than anything. Its a life ruiner BUT ONLY IF *U* LET IT, REMEMBER U HAVE THE POWER. 9NE DAY YYOULL LOOK BACK AND SAY WHAT IN THE WORLD WHAS THE BIG DEAL?

  1046. tfox44 Says:

    Youre right dcyl. Its all about letting things “roll of your back” and not keep mental tabs all day. Def a horrid and sabotashing (sp?) habbit.

  1047. Alex Says:

    I think I had finally got it. I finally got that when thinking “finally got it” it is anxiety itself. Instead, I just feel whats inside me, it can’t hurt me, it hasn’t in all these years of suffering. Sorry i havent introduced myself, its late and im feeling too positive. I dont even know what to say to Paul, I think I’m def on my way to recovery and building the right attitude, I’m so grateful to him. It seems like my progress is never forgotten, and after a setback I take one more step forward towards Life !

    “Normal” people feel sleepy, tired, nervous, but for us its really hard not to blame anxiety. Today I so feel like nailing the right attitude that I’m thinking I should phone my therapist to volunteer in an Anxiety group, as one who came through. And you know what, while typing this text I felt some anxiety, but it’s some sort of positive energy now, something thats helping me move forward. Have a good night everyone, and keep faith, we will all get through !

  1048. Nicola Says:

    Thank you tfox, Debbie and everyone for your replies. The thing is anxiety doesn’t scare me, what scares me is this feeling of doom that has latched onto me in the last two days. Its as if my mind has totally turned against me, I cannot bear or believe that i exist and cannot stand the idea that death will not be the end. I am completely overwhelmed by thoughts of the universe and all that I don’t understand. I have never felt fear like it, and I’ve dealt with some extreme fear. I feel completely depressed and hopeless, I cannot function when I feel so utterly doomed to suffer.

  1049. Nicola Says:

    My anxiety doesn’t just latch onto something else, it steps it up a notch in intensity each time too.

  1050. Nicola Says:

    Has anyone else experienced this? Is it just anxiety?

  1051. Doreen Says:

    Yes Nicola – it is ‘just’ anxiety but the power of it makes it feel much more than ‘just’. I have never had the particular fears that you have, but my anxieties are very bizarre too at times. I just tell myself that the object on which the anxiety lands is not really fear provoking – I am putting my fear onto it. It can spend hours hopping from one thing to another and I really manage some of the time to ignore it – no wonder it gets worn out and leaves me in peace. But sometimes I ‘feed’ it to quote another person who blogs on here. And then I feel really annoyed with myself which is another way of paying it too much attention.
    Wonder if you are depressed as well as anxious. You have used medication before – maybe that might help again.
    Take care.

  1052. Lynn Ho Says:


    I just wanted to say it has been a year since I suffered from severe panic/ anxiety disorder. I almost forgot about this website and I felt I needed to come back here and leave a message to help others like this website helped me when I was in my darkest period.

    I live in Australia and I came across this website September last year. I was extremely hopeless at that time, I have gone from a very healthy, cheerful, funny and motivated all of a sudden I suffered panic disorder. I have lost all my confidence and did not know what to do. I have had many different symptoms everyday I couldn’t even function anymore I was in tears everyday terrified that I was dying. It lasted 6 months and was so tough and scary yet no one understood what it was really like other than myself.

    I didn’t recovered overnight NO WAY. I couldn’t even do the simplest thing such as dialing a phone number without feeling scared. It was almost like playing games you go through stages to reach the top. Each stage I get more and more confidence back. I recovered after 6 months I took time off work, have had so much family support, I didn’t have any medication (YES they will make it worse) I had 8 sessions with one of the best psychologist. The key to my recovery I think was the fact that the more you google, feel scared, the worse it really gets.

    I still have little setbacks every now and then but the best thing now is I watch myself all the time, if I am anxious about little things, I will tell myself to STOP immediately. I do believe the reason this happened to me was because I am very much a perfectionist, and now I have slowly learnt to lose control over things and love myself more.

    Funny I actually look back at this whole episode as the best thing happend in my life, because I was forced to stop and see what was wrong with some of my core beliefs. Then, able to live a even better life from now on. I am no longer afraid of panic attacks because it didn’t kill me at all. But made me sooooo much stronger.


  1053. tfox44 Says:

    Yep. I woke up feeling like I wanted to rip my brain from my head consistently. Like I was literally falling apart and none of my body parts belonged “togther” it sucks.for me, its the thought of “why do we have to die” and “when will I die” that sickens me. I want there and believe there to be a heaven… but that’s not to scare you…heaven wouldn’t have “anxiety” it would be a perfect “copy” of the world. But that’s another story. The point it, I know exactly how u feel and honestly that’s a part of d/p. D/p frigs with u severely and makes u question reality constantly, its one of those major symptoms that accompany it…its not just that “unfamiliar” and “dreamy” feeling, its like completely feeling not “connected” to your brain and body…its called dePERSONALIZATION because it takes away your humanity. I feel for u cuz I know thee xact feeling. I feel like a complete stranger to myself and can hardly recognize me. Like I’m slipping thru the cracks. Covered by symptom. But it will get better, it will…I have faith. Its hard but it will.

  1054. tfox44 Says:

    To me, I hate waking up to an unfamiliar, yet the same “scary” world as yesterday – over and over. I just want to enjoy life. Sigh.

    Doreen – you’re so right with the “anxiety has a tendancy to make us believe its “more” than what it is”

  1055. Nicola Says:

    Hi Doreen, yes I’m still on the medication. It never works for me in the end. I’ve been on all sorts.

  1056. Josh Says:

    To all Those needing some help few pointers

    1) Amount of time required to recover depends on time your mind/ brain takes to recharge. Imagine , the brain to be bombarded by lashes of worry which results in thoughts/ feeling etc. Fortunately nothing happens to rational side of the brain. Hence, one can continue to work. Give your brain vital nutrients ( going out and socialising again ) to refresh and train your brain to be worry free. This may take 1,2, 3 or whatever number of years but ultimately if you start doing your duties and work it does not matter much.

    2) I always thought that now I know whats happening and what should I do ( accept ), why am i not getting better? Well, we have to be on ground doing things and retraining our brains to be fearless again. Knowledge is just 1% help in recovery. The rest has to be done by action.

    3) Also, when ever i used to face it to the T, i thought its never going back again. But that was just one hurdle and the expereience of which last only till lashed brain starts to overpower again. Its all about crossing those hurdles by just remaining calm

    4) I made a staring point for recovery a date after which every step i would count as recovery. Even if it was a set back, i would just sit calmly till the time i was back again and say another hurdle gone.

    Hope this helps.

  1057. Nicola Says:

    Josh, thank you, your message really did help

  1058. angela Says:

    my anxiety does jump form thought to thought.. i originally had a panic attack had no idea what it was it was lieteraly letting the (floodgates open) my mind changed straight away!! i would have thougts of harming my son :( it was herendous… then i would be scared of a particular knife!!! now im much better but i worry now about the thougts of whether i still love my husband.. i am aware i have dp so i ignore these feelings most of the time.. he is extremely understanding and has been through it with me… my main question is the depression/hoplesness/whats the point/ etc it really gets me down… is this part of anxiety? i have come off all meds (the right way) over months.. im completely off them as i beleive anxiety isnt a mental illnes therefore doesnt need to be treated with medication.. ive alsways known this but the meds helped (they were my crutch) and they worked for that reason only… has anyone else come of medication? and does anyone else have these feelings of depression etc.. would help me a lot to no im not alone :)

  1059. Nicola Says:

    Yes Angela, in fact the only two emotions I’m experiencing at the moment are fear and hopelessness/ depression. I can’t even get out of bed and yet I can’t sleep either. I haven’t had a drink in over 2 years yet I’m tempted to try it just to see if it makes me feel better, although you’re not supposed to drink on Venlafaxine so I won’t. Maybe a diazepam later but they scare me, ugh just so desperate to escape myself.

  1060. Nicola Says:

    I don’t know if it’s part of anxiety

  1061. John M. Says:

    OK, what’s the best way to beat the breathing obsession. I think about it all day. Do I need to just go out and do what I normally do? Is it OK to notice it when I’m doing things? Does that mean I’m on the right track? Still confused!

  1062. natalie Says:

    hi guys

    having a bad day and feel lost again. I have started a new job with more hours than usual and its a new company so lots to do and basically learn as we go. Been there three weeks and feel really anxious as it is a stressful situation at the moment being new learning new things catchng up on the back log and all the time feeling overwhelmed scared i have made the wrong decision and stressing i won’t cope. My rational brain says just let thing settle see how it goes and maybe give it three months and see if i still not happy maybe look for somethiing new and less stressful. I get mad that i get myself like this even though that means i not accepting but have been doing so well of late this set back has thrown me a little. Just want to be strong as i have little kids and want to be the best mum i can be. Help !!! should i stay at this place and just do the best i can and be happy with it even though i find myself thinking of all the things i need to do or start to look for new job as maybe have taken on more than i can handle at this time. Does anyone have some advice, ps won;t just walk out by the way lol not that desparete but i think i am looking for reassurance maybe ? xxx

  1063. Nicola Says:

    Yes John you need to continue as normal and it’s ok to notice the breathing even when you are busy, it will pass eventually I promise you.

  1064. Amie Says:

    So things have been pretty rough the past couple days. I have been so emotional and just sick of being in my own body. It hurts so bad. I am tired of feeling like this. I keep telling myself that I am so much better than I was a few months ago and time will heal. I just get fed up. I had an hour phone call with my doctor this morning. I told her that I always get worse around that time of month, so she is sending me a hormonal test. My daughter is 22 months and my anxiety started when she was 16 months old. I think it actually started when she was 10 I just ignored all the signs of it. Then when she was 16 months old I had a break down. I just hope this goes away soon. I cant function like this.
    My doctor prescribed me some Klonopin to help ease the symptoms when Im at my worse. Does anyone have any good experiences with this? Also, even though my anxiety is not as severe, it is still ALWAYS there in the background. Is that your experience?

  1065. Mark R Says:

    Hi all,

    I’ve just come back from a mini festival in Wales, had an ace time. I was really dreading it when I was going but it turned out really well. I even drove there and back, which was a 2 and half hour drive either way, just goes to show if you put some action into your words you can do anything you want.

    It seems a lot of people are struggling on here at present so I thought I’d chip in and see if I could help. There seems to be a few that want to escape how they feel, get out of their own body. I completely understand this, anxiety is a crappy, uncomfortable, miserable state. Saying that, wanting to feel different, is adding fuel to the fire.

    I have read a great book recently which says that we should just take our feelings with us wherever we go…….this is the true way to release them. When we do this we no longer see them as the enemy, they disappear from our conciousness. What you need to do is do what needs to be done, despite your feelings. Afterall, what is going to feel better? Going to the pub with mates and feel terrible or lying in bed and feeling terrible? The first outcome you have a chance of actually having a laugh, to feel part of something again, the other you are just going to feel miserable.

    As Paul says to feel normal again you have to do normal things. I’ve been through hell the last 4 months and I’ve suffered horrendously in the past but I know I can get better. I just want to stay better next time I recover for a longer period. You really have to put the spade work in, most or possibly all of recovery comes from within. I’ve not been myself for 2 and a half years, especially the last 4 months but two months ago I wouldn’t have dreamed of going to a festival so in another two months I will be doing more things. I used to lie on my bed and feel sorry for myself, thinking why me, why do I have to go through this but that only makes things worse. Just do as much as you can in the day, if you make an excuse for not doing something, as yourself is it because of not feeling right? If it is, then it is not a reason not to, just do it!!

  1066. Mark R Says:

    Natalie – I have been in your shoes with the job and its a frightening place. In March I accepted a job I’d been after for a long time and in April I had the most vile setback ever. I chucked myself straight back in though, I came clean and told them about how I was feeling and they were really understanding.

    If your concious mind is telling you to carry on, then carry on. It becomes easier honestly, you can just sink into your work. I know the struggle it is, to wrestle with these thoughts and not be able to concentrate but plod on. Anxiety makes everything difficult and stressful, even going the supermarket, preparing tea, phoning your bank etc. Your job probably isn’t as stressful as you think and I’m sure you are more than capable, otherwise you wouldn’t have got it!!

  1067. Clare Says:

    I feel for each @everyone of u I have been like this for forty years on & off its
    The pits since finding Paul’s blog ,I am at last understanding what it is all about
    I have also got Claire weeks books what a wonderful woman i,t has taken me 3months to get help from mental health just starting with cbt

    Hope u all have a good nights sleepgodblessx

  1068. Will Says:

    Hi everyone, just thought I’d share something I realised about anxious thoughts which may be of help.

    The frustrating thing about anxious thoughts is that once you move on from one, anxiety often grabs onto another and you may start obsessing all over again.
    Anyway, I recently realised is that you can only focus on one thought at a time. Whilst having this new thought on my mind, I tried thinking back to an old thought that previously scared me, and I found that it barely even bothered me and I could dismiss it with ease. It’s funny how embroiled you can be with one scary thought that the ones that previously scared you don’t even frighten you anymore. Sure you may keep having anxiety cling onto strange thoughts, but the fact that previous thoughts don’t scare you anymore while you have this new thought is proof that it is all just anxiety playing tricks.

    Speaking of anxious thoughts, I just came back from a 2 week holiday to Egypt. In the few days before going and the first few days of the holiday, I was anxious and having scary thoughts. However after I got settled in, I was relaxed and I could easily dismiss said scary thoughts. But on the leaving day and the first day of being back home, they came back. Again, proof that anxiety is to blame seeing as these thoughts only crop up when I’m even slightly anxious.

  1069. John M. Says:

    Nicola, if this feeling passes, I will be so happy. With this obsessive breathing, I have had it for four months. Why hasn’t it fixed itself since and why will it soon?

  1070. John M. Says:

    Or eventually. Because that confuses me and it’s annoying!

  1071. Nicola Says:

    John have you read Paul’s book? Or Claire Weekes book? For me the breathing obsession stopped when I stopped caring about it, in the end I just said to myself, ok if I stop breathing, I stop breathing, there’s nothing I can do about it. I just accepted it and moved on. Will made an excellent point in the post above you, pointing out that anxiety can make the normally not scary things seem scary. One day you will look back at this and ask your self what you were ever afraid of. I know the breathing one is horrible as its something you can focus on constantly as it’s your life line and with you all the time but place some faith in your body, your breathing is automatic, it will never stop, try stopping it yourself, it won’t let you. Relax. Trust in your body to perform it’s duties as it’s been doing perfectly without your worrying up until this point.

  1072. Lesley Says:

    I’ve had anxiety 4 yrs now before that it was panic attacks and everytime I have a setback it’s always my breathing that is the worst but I find because that’s the one thing that to be honest really worrys me that’s why I seem to focus on that most, (damn you setbacks lol) it does help to realise how common the breathing thingy is and how people deal with it the same as any other symptom. In a setback now which seems to be dragging on a bit triggered by my blood pressure bein to high then had to be monitored at home turnt out I had white coat syndrome and my bp was perfect after all so few days after my results I was back to carefree ole me till…………the 6week hols with two girls who continuously squabble, anxiety levels having been quite high lately and yep you’ve guessed it the breathing malarky makes an appearance, wish it would do one! X

  1073. Doreen Says:

    Good advice Will. As I have said in previous posts – the apparent agility of anxiety to hop from one thing to another is quite amazing. However, in reality we are placing it there but it happens in such a flash sometimes that it appears to have a life of its own. Comforting in a way though to know from reading many of these posts that the symptoms of anxiety are so universal.

  1074. Michelle Says:

    Doreen ,
    we will arrange to meet one thursday in september .I have been very busy with both daughters moving . x

  1075. Bill Says:

    Trying so hard to accept,my mind will not stop thinking about myself,my eyes are always blurry and i am blinking a lot because of this,feel very light headed all the time,the more i think about it all the worse the symptoms present themselves.Super tense and a vile headache compound things further.I get loads of funny sensations in the head,it feels as if someone is playing table football and pulling my head from side to side.I am trying so hard to get on with my day but finding it very difficult.Sorry for moaning but how does anyone manage to work full time with anxiety like this.No more self pity,onwards and upwards with a bit more understanding.Regards to all,Bill.

  1076. John M. Says:

    Nicola, I have Paul’s book and am one-third of the way through. I seem to have decent days and iffy days with the breathing. How come there is always a little piece of me holding me back? Is it possible to avoid meds?

  1077. Nicola Says:

    I don’t know of a med that cures anxiety.

  1078. Amie Says:

    I started having my anxiety in March of this year. It was at its worse in April. I refused medication because I had tried Celexa one time and had the worse experience of my life. I thought I was going to die that night. So, I have been dealing with this medication free. It IS getting better. I still have days where I want to breakdown and cry because its not completely gone yet but it does get better once you accept it. Just keep telling yourself it is anxiety and chemicals in your body and it will settle down. I actually got laid off from work because when I was at my worst I didnt understand what was going on with me and I would cry at work all day long and do nothing but google my symptoms. I found an amazing doctor and she has been helping me through this. I went to a natural doctor. Maybe you can find one in your area or my doctor does counseling over the phone which is actually pretty nice. Her name is Doctor Moore and she runs Diamond WEllness Center in Midway Utah.
    I had the funny sensations in my head and it was always hard to concentrate. That stuff has settled down. Now all I am dealing with is a horrible stomach in the mornings and a tingling, burning sensation in my chest all day.
    I hope you get better soon. How long have you been dealing with your anxiety?

  1079. Clare Says:

    Nicola I know just how u feel I’ve been like u so many times I’m 63 and still have anxiety but I do get good times as well itook Valium for27years and coming of it was the best thing I ever did ,I was put on Prozac and still take it
    I say it saved my life

  1080. Will Says:

    Nicola – I don’t think I’ve ever been on medication for my anxiety (and I wouldn’t want to either – I want to beat this thing by myself without drugs), but one night on holiday, I hadn’t slept and I felt really worn out and anxious and my heart just wouldn’t slow down, even when I tried my relaxation techniques. So I took one of my mom’s diazepams to settle my heart down so I could get to sleep. Just saying, that’s been the only time I’ve used a drug to ease my feelings a bit.

  1081. Nicola Says:

    Yes diazepam are a short term solution but shouldn’t be taken for long periods of time. It won’t cure the problem, but can provide some much needed relief when needed.

    Clare, I’m shocked that you were on diazepam for so long! How often were you taking them? What was the coming off like? I’m sorry to hear that you have felt so bad so many times, I find it soul destroying, I have bouts of severe anxiety and I am having one at the moment, far out thoughts about existential things and this unshiftable sense of doom, like I’ll never stop suffering there is a weight in my heart, misery and fear. I feel so lost. I know it sounds awful but I feel like I’m clawing through each day, and each day bringe me closer to me losing my mind, and when that happens I don’t want to keep trying anymore. I am truly truly fed up.

  1082. Mark R Says:


    My nan was on diazepam for most of her life, it took a very long time for the medical profession to realise they were addictive. She managed to wean herself of them when she was in her 60s.


    Come on I know its hard but you will stop suffering. You have to take that giant leap of faith. Surely there are times in your life when you haven’t felt like this. I had great years from 03 to 05, 07 to 10 and for about 8 months last year. The fact that I had those times is proof that the way I feel is temporary. Chin up…

  1083. Mark R Says:


    Can you unblock my IP address please, it only lets me post from someone elses Wifi connection.

  1084. Doreen Says:

    Good to hear you sounding more positive Mark R. You certainly seem to have come a long way recently.

  1085. John M. Says:

    Amie, I started in April with an inflamed chest wall that causes shortness of breath. Then had my first surgery. I am also OCD for a while. My doctor thinks my OCD morphed because all I think about now is my breathing. That started in May and it has been constant
    obsession since. I have had the tests and ruled out a lot and anxiety seems to be what I have. It’s frustrating because it has hindered me from doing a lot. I want to be how I used to and I have been told to do that I must accept that it’s anxiety, think positive and when the setbacks come, I need to know it will be like the other times.

    From Paul’s book, which I have been reading, I need to face fear and come out the other side. This anxiety has made me wonder a lot and depression thoughts have surfaced occasionally and I want to beat this fully. I can feel decent, but still feel uncomfortable feelings. I don’t want those. I want to be back to who I was!

  1086. Clare Says:

    Nicola I really feel for u tonight I have been to a friends house I go once a fortnight I think if she knew what my thoughts were she would probably think I was mad in the morning I am going to see my therapist but I have had a good week for a change .the thing that is making me anxious at the moment is I have booked a holiday will I be ok ..
    Iwillpray for u tonight god blessxxx

  1087. tfox44 Says:

    Hi guys. Wanted to give you all a bit of hope. I was in horrible shape for awhile. I didn’t stop thinking of “me #nd this world for ONE SECOND. The past 2 days I have went out, got new clothes, and decided not to think about me…even tho I still feel weird. But I don’t care. The anxious thoughts tried to creep in a few times but I really didn’t care and shifted my mind to something else. I no longer will ponder on the world and myself. I have my faith in God and I will enjoy life because I, as all of you, are as capable as the next person. This doesn’t mean you will feel 100% perfect but you will learn to. Our mind is not made to worry all the time and you have all the control to stop that worry and to stop reacting with fear. “Normal” ppl get anxiety too and often…but the difference is they don’t purposely jump from one thing to the next to worry about. They give themselves breaks. They take time to enjoy life. They don’t plan their every move, they just go and do it. The world is actually beautiful. Our life is a blessing. Pls don’t read this and assume I didn’t have anxiety because I had it HORRIBLY. And I still have it and who knows if I will have a setback but if I do oh well. Anxiety is not that serious. We have a right to enjoy life like everyone else. I went from scared to leave home, scared to/couldn’t walk/be around ppl/sever fear of death/of the universe/of mental illness/of my heart stopping/of my own body/felt like a stranger to my body/everything,including the world was unfamiliar as well as my own house/horrible dp/felt so depressed/ messed up vision/locked in my mind. I chose now to drop it. As HARD as it can be…I totally understand-or else I wouldn’t have suffered for the past yr and change or throughout my life as a teenager. It takes practice. Its accepting anxiety for WHAT IT IS and shifting your attention and stop FEARING EVERYTHING. Fear keeps your condition alive.I say “Lord help me accept the things I can’t change, courageto change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference”.your words are so powerful….stop saying “I can’t get over this”….no, it may take time…but I WILL GET OVER THIS, I DESERVE TO ENJOY LIFE. I WILL NOT DWELL ON SCARY THOUGHTS. I WILL DISMISS THEM CALMLY*** AND FOCUS ON POSITIVE, GOOD,PEACEFUL,NOBLE,HAPPY THOUGHTS. I WILL ENJOY MY LIFE…IF OTHER PPL CAN SO CAN I. I WILL BE COURAGEOUS.I AM DETERMINED. (I BELIEVE IN GOD /Jesus so I quOTE SCRIPTURE DAILY AND BELIEVE THEM) . Remember, life does not have to be a scary thing. Once you calm down you will enjoy life. In an anxious body there are so many things going on – no wonder we hate life, feel detached ect…that’s why before everything was fine. We choose what we think…or continue to think I should say. I feel for all of u because anxiety sucks. It needs to go back to hell where it belongs. U are all lovely and caring ppl who are very analytical and sensitive…that energy should be used towards good instead of anxiety.I wasted time in my life looking up anxiety crapbecause I was scared of loosing my life GUESS WHAT I DID JUST THAT . I LOST MY LIFE TO ANXIETY. I will not be on here as much, who knows I might have a bad day and come backor maybe to see how u guys are. But I declare healing. And I claim healing. U all can too. U have the power ya know!the power that u give anxiety, u can give it awayand give it to something great. God bless u all and good luck. I wish u all well. Remember, u can think of anything as long as u do it calmly, take away the fear-u have no anxiety. Remember also, its JUST ANXIETY, it will take some time to heal, everytg won’t be gone tmrw but ill tell u this from being as bad as I was and was able to do the things I did yesterday and toda without really ackowledging anxiety….it CAN go faster than u think, give it time but u can start right NOW to true recovery. ..stop focusing on yourself and go love and help someone. Much love. Xx

  1088. Nicola Says:

    Clare thank you for your kind words. The holiday will do you a world of good. A change is as good as a rest as they say and the mind always appreciates new stimulation. I’m sure most of my anxiety comes from a bored brain. Yes it will be good for you :-) xx

    Tfox, so glad to hear you are doing better, you sound strong and positive.

  1089. tfox44 Says:

    Thanks Nicola

    To all in addition to my last post, I forgotto add one more thing… it takes about a month to reverse a habbit, so I know how we often do good a day then go back to old ways the next day. If u can keep a calm attitude for long enough – eventually it will stick with you. After about 2 weeks- if u try to completely divert your mind, stay calm and do other activities , u will notice the changes.

  1090. John M. Says:

    TFox44, thank you. I have been waiting four months to read a full anxiety story from having it to recovering and how you recovered and how long it took. Having good moments and bad lately, but when they go bad, I divert back to what’s wrong with me? This summed it. I have obsessed over my breathing and I’m sure I will notice it, but I will not fear it and turn the corner. If we live miserably in fear, why not try living without it, but with difficulties for a little
    while until we beat anxiety!
    Thank you! I am posting your post somewhere to remind myself not to get down or fear a situation!

    Glad you posted that. It made me tear up a bit and smile

  1091. tfox44 Says:

    No problem John. I know how hard it is. Go and live your life, know it won’t dissapear over night but fast if u stay on the “calm” road, after awhile being calm will become second nature (just like “fear” has become. ) I made that SAME mistake by always going back to”what’s wrong with me…that is the whole problem right there. Going back to that habbit of the “what ifs” start making new habbits called “so what” “its just anxiety” and it will go. ANXIETY IS A BLUFF the reality is THERE IS NOTHING TO FEAR…we r responsible for making things up to fear, but in reality there’s nothing to fear. You’re just wasting life fearing. It takes a.bit to have it “click” but once u get your anxiety under YOUR CONTROL and realize its nothing…. and know u have the power, shortly after that u will be healed.

    I hope this has helped all of u. Take care

  1092. Rachel Says:

    Hi everyone!

    There are so many comments that I hope mine doesn’t get lost in the shuffle. Would appreciate your feedback – thanks in advance.

    I’ve had anxiety disorder/panic for over 20 years (I’m 32 now). Tried various forms of therapy, a small dose of medication once in the past and lifestyle changes. Nothing seems to shake it. For me, it’s the physical sensations of always feeling as if I’m going to pass out (especially dizzy in social situations and look for a seat right away since I feel too faint standing). I left a full-time job at a magazine recently because I was drained from always feeling shaky, tense, dizzy, clammy, sweaty in meetings and trapped at my desk all day. Always felt the need to escape conversations even casual ones.

    Here’s my question: Paul says to have the “whatever” attitude and just get on with what you’re doing even with the anxiety and dizzy sensations present. I still can not quite DO it. I self-talk to myself in the situation – okay, it’s fine, no biggie, who cares, anxiety – you can be there or not, I’m still getting on with my day… BUT the physical sensations are so powerful and I feel so unwell that it’s virtually impossible to truly believe the “whatever” attitude in the moment. Makes me feel like I might really need medication or something. It’s been an uphill battle my whole LIFE.

    Sorry for the rather negative post but not sure what to do anymore. How do I not care about anxiety and not pay it attention when ALL I feel day to day is dizzy? I know I also need to work on stopping the worrying thoughts prior to an event. I also know my mind/body is so trained in this pattern that a change won’t happen overnight but will it ever?

    Your thoughts are greatly appreciated. Thanks everyone. x

  1093. Josh Says:


    Firstly, feeling of dizzness, about to faint or pass off are very common symptoms of anxiety. Even I face them a lot. I guess, it’s occurs very acutely at the places of work since there is no escape and also there are limitations on behaving in a certain way. While, we know that its ultimately the mind palying tricks ;the physical sensation are so severe that it difficult to keep faith and keep working.

    The way I am dealing with is; i try to be as much physically fit as possible. Now what that does is; gives me mental clamness that I do only the right things to keep my body fit and fainting for me would be just like for anyone else.

    To summarise; it’s the anxiety playing the extreme trick and way out is to train the mind by telling that you have all possible you could to avoid it so nothing can happen now..Hope this helps

  1094. Clare Says:

    Just come back from therapist homework includes breathing from the diaphram
    Not the chest also got to learn mindfulness not easy but will try anything if it helps.hope everyone has a good day

  1095. Nicola Says:

    Been offered pregabalin for anxiety, anyone been on this?

  1096. Rachel Says:

    Thanks Josh! I really appreciate it and the fact that dizzy symptom is common makes me feel better. I agree with you about lifestyle – like not drinking and going to the gym… definitely helps.

    It’s so weird how you know it’s just a TRICK but at the same time it overcomes you’re whole being in the moment. I’m going to try to just laugh it off too and tell myself, oh that’s funny, it’s back again but whatever who cares… try not to fear it.

    Also, it feels like you’re the ONLY one, right? This doesn’t help matters when you start comparing how you appear to how everyone else appears (thinking they are calm, peaceful, centered, not dizzy) and then you start feeling bad for yourself.

    Also, I’m sick of being in my own head. ME ME ME. Enough already. I want to become a better listener and be able to divert more attention to others. Anxiety makes me feel selfish.

    Thanks again!

  1097. angela Says:

    rachel i go dizzy, not all the time but in certain situations, especially in the shower for some reason, it can sometimes leave me feeling that my body isnt my own :( i tend not to worry about this too much anymore, i am currently going through it with me two eldest chidlren 18 and 22 long story but we are not on very good terms right now.. and its putting a massive HUGE strain on me as being a born worrier.. it doesnt help…. i agree with ME ME ME to im exactly the same… my main concern is depression or atleast i think it is.. just dont want to go back down the medication route again.. but when i tell me doctor this who i might add isnt very understanding he offers me meds!!! i do feel extremely low at the moment.. lost my mom 3 years ago/ then my grandmother in jan/ my daughter has recently moved in with her boyfriend we arnt talking as she is at that i no it all stage lol my husband says your under a hell of a lot of strain at the moment and your anxiety is worse right now cus of all this. is he right though???? my problem i have is when do you no its more than anxiety? im sure it is as it come on out the blue on the bak end of a breakdown 2 years ago.. i am constantly checking in with myself i JUST WANT A NORMAL DAY… IT IS MY 4TH SET BACK AND ITS GONE ON FOR ABOUT 5 MONTHS I CANT SEEM TO SHAKE IT THIS TIME….

  1098. tfox44 Says:

    Nicola…I take a natural supplement called “tranqueline” look it has helped calm me. Of course we still have to do work but after a feew weeks u can notice the “calm” check it out.

  1099. tfox44 Says:

    Not sure if it can be mixed with other meds, but look into it. Just a suggestion. And of course continue taking your omega 3s. One in the morning and 1 at night.

  1100. Doreen Says:

    Re dizziness – yes a very typical side effect of anxiety. Try deep breathing.
    Meds – no Nicola I have not heard of those. Guess you will have looked them up on google.
    Regular readers of this blog will know that I think meds can be helpful in lessening symptoms – I have found them to be so, but certainly they are not a cure and they don’t suit everybody.

  1101. Rachel Says:

    Angela- I’m sorry you are having another set back. I can feel your frustration through your writing.. I guess the best any of us can do is to try to treat ourselves with kindness even when chaos is going on around. We can’t control our environment and issues that come up but we can control and choose our attitude. Maybe try a phrase of gratitude every day – my mother lives by: form, rhythm, balance, and one other word I can’t think of. When she feels off, these words help her. A therapist once suggested them about 40 years ago.

    Thanks Doreen for commenting on the dizziness. I’ll try a more regular meditation with deep breathing…


  1102. Clare Says:

    Nicola its 23years since I stopped taking Valium I used to keep them in my pockets as a safety in case I panicked . In the end I took overdose in a way it was a cry for help.i used to take 60 mg A. Day I came of them very slowly.
    I was then given proponalol for anxiety ,and I got a part time job is till work but this year after working 18yrs I had Abad setback really frightening thoughts thought I was going insane Now started with c bt. Hope u r
    Feeling better upward and. Onward tomorrows a new start for all of us nothing really bad happened today did it we are still here to try again
    Night godbless

  1103. Mark R Says:

    Hi Angela,

    I can echo your frustration. I had a severe bout of anxiety just over two years ago, I never really got myself back to a 100 per dent but I was almost there. Back in April I had the most vile of setbacks, and I can’t seem to try past it either. My others lasted only a week or so, it’s really annoying as in setback you feel like you’ve gone back to the start although you haven’t!!

  1104. Doreen Says:

    Mark R – you seem less overwhelmed by your current bout of anxiety than you did some weeks ago. Your posts have got more reflective. Hope you don’t mind me saying this as sometimes it helps to have an ‘outsider’ noticing improvement.

  1105. Mark R Says:

    Hi Doreen,

    I appreciate that, it’s always difficult to plot your own progress as you don’t really notice it once you start to go things again. I noticed that you put you ate have a few good days followed by bad. I seem to be likd that, last few days I’ve felt terrible. I’ve still tried to do stuff though that needs doing. When I was at the festival I had a whole day of feeling good where I didn’t think about it once. It’s a stark contrast when you get bad days

  1106. Diane Says:

    Hi all going trough a bit of a shaky time, I have been doing well , I had a bad time with anxiety this time last year for a few months, but with the help of Pauls book and this blog I got back on track, it has been an up and down road but gradually the periods of not feeling anxiety all the time has got better and longer. However the last few days I feel a bit anxious, overthinking, overly self aware and zoning in the feeling anxiety sensations a bit on edge to much in my head etc, even a little bit over aware when taking , if that makes sense????????I think it s because I keep thinking thinking a little bit about this time last year, and I supose a bit of fear that I worry it will happen again, I know this is common with anxiety and I am trying to just let the thoughts be there and get on with things.

    I am sorry for moaning on, just feel taking, writing about it can help , I tell myself this will pass and try not to overthink this and just get on with things and try to sort of ignore the what if and fears and anxiety or as Paul says just let them be and not buy into the viscious cycle,

    its great that we all have this as a form of support from people who understand

    thank you and any feedback will be really appreciated :)

  1107. Mike F Says:

    Hi Diane,

    I am right there with ya…bit of a shaky day. I finally got up and out and walked and walked and walked…it seemed to help a bit. You hang in there because it seems you have come a long way. I give my best wishes to everyone here too you all are special caring people. Thank you.

  1108. Clare Says:

    Had A bad day just finished work .felt anxious all day
    Not many people logged in today .could do with talking to someone who
    Understands but there’s no one there . Hope u r all ok

  1109. Mike F Says:

    Hi Clare,

    I hope now that work is done you will feel better. Remember that we are all pulling for each other and things will look brighter soon enuf!

  1110. Clare Says:

    Thank you mike it is nice that u have taken the time to reply ,I hope that u have good nights sleep and have a good day tomorrow x

  1111. Mike F Says:

    Yur more than welcome Clare! I hope you have a good night sleep and a great tomorrow too!

  1112. Nicola Says:

    Hi Clare, I’ve been feeling constantly overly anxious recently too, so yes I can understand how you’re feeling. I’m just keeping busy and floating through it but even that can feel tiring can’t it. You are doing well to keep your job but I hope that you are not too stressed in your life. The problem with so many people these days is life is far too complicated and they are expected to do far too much, hence the stress of life builds and they are left with either some mental health problem or an anxiety disorder. The stats for the afore-mentioned are ridiculously high, it’s really very sad.

  1113. Nicola Says:

    Hi Diane, try not to over think your present feelings, you will only make them worse and last longer, it sounds as if you are definitely on the road to recovery, that’s wonderful! I have found that the setbacks do get shorter and shorter if you can just accept and float through them fully. Although for whatever reason the intensity of mine get worse, actually each time it seems to morph into a slightly different kind of anxiety, it’s weird but anxiety for me has become this kind of thing in me that keeps trying desperately to keep itself alive by changing itself in an effort to keep my fear alive, what I mean by that is I will work through one facet of fear with complete acceptance and overcome it, so then it will try something else, whether it be a new obsessive thought, new physical sensations or whatever. However it’s good to bear in mind as someone posted above that anxiety can take the most mundane and unscary thing and turn it into something scary. The only thing now that bothers me is how anxiety can f**k with your perception of things, but this is the ONLY thing it can do when you think about it. Pay it no respect and float through, you’ll come out quickly if you can accept it 100%. Sorry for going on! Xx

  1114. Nicola Says:

    Mike F, I think the outdoors can be really good for calming anxiety, I always feel better as soon as I step out of the house. It’s natural for people to be outside with nature. Totally unnatural to be cooped up indoors with all our techy s**t for company.

    I read something profound the other day, along the lines of ‘people are here to be loved, possessions are her to be used, not the other way around’

    If anxiety has done anything for me it has woken me up to the things I took for granted before it struck, the absolute miracle of life, the beauty and intelligence of nature, the animals we share the earth with who accept and enjoy life for what it is, and the human, who laughably think they are the best thing on earth because we are apparently the most intelligent and know how to make a lot of unnecessary s**t, but despite that most haven’t lost their ability to love one another!

    Oh dear I am rambling tonight. Sorry, sitting up at one in the morning, having a reflective moment :-)

  1115. Mike F Says:


    Thanks for your post and I agree with everything you say. Dont be sorry for writing because I dont consider it rambling. LOL Have a good evening. :)

  1116. Mark R Says:

    Morning all,

    Having a tough old time at the minute, this setback is such a roller coaster. One minute I’m chilling at a festival with mates and having s day off from anxiety the next I’m at my moms crying my eyes out. Even though I had a shocking day yesterday I still managed to do stuff. On the good days you can see the light at the end of the tunnel and you can plan ahead but on the bad ones you have to just survive the day.

    On the positive side I have been reading a book on mindfulness, it basically backs up Paul’s work by saying the only thing that keeps these states going is our minds natural instinct of pushing away these feelings, creating aversion not acceptance. Obviously the quicker we accept the quicker we will get better, I will share any tips or knowledge I come across

  1117. Diane Says:

    Hi Mark and Nicola, thank you very much for your comments they are so helpful:) It really does help to hear from other people who have been there and experience similar stuff. There is comfort in knowing you not alone.

    Mark mindfulness is really helpful let ourselves have self compassion and an awareness and choice to step back from what we are experiencing and just let it be and choose not to buy into the anxious thoughtsis really helpful. I have been doing a class on mindfulness, along with cbt and counselling, all have been really helpful along with Pauls book and ofcourse this blog…………..

    I hope we will all continue ALONG the recovery path in a positive and healing way lets continue to be kind to ourselves and not self critical

    take care and speak soon x

  1118. Mark R Says:

    Hi Diane,

    I’ve managed to find a mindful based counsellor on my road so I’m gpnna try and we’d him at some point.

    Had an awful day, I’ve cried uncontrollably all day. I just don’t want to face anything at the moment it all seems insurmountable. It’s so difficult on days like this, it’s do hard imagining the days where I feel okay about myself and they have happened in this setback.

    I just feel my whole life will be like this as my 20s were a complete write off and now my problems have continued into my early 30s. Sorry for a rant

  1119. Diane Says:

    Mark ,

    so sorry to hear you are havin a bad time of it, things will get better, I know at times it doesnt feel like it but remeber this is temperary and will pass and you will feel better. It can feel overwhelming, but baby steps ….remeber you have felt better and it sounds like you are taking the power and found a counsellor who should help. No need to apoligise for the rant you are only expressing yourself and NOT ranting….

    take care and remember you can recover read some old posts or Pauls book, this has helped me at times when I have felt overwhelmed.

    take care x

  1120. Clare Says:

    wasted a day worrying about work l so anxious all day and every thing was fine .arent we our own worst enemy. Hope everyone has a good bank holiday

  1121. Nicola Says:

    Hi Mark, I am sorry you are having these difficult days, I find on these days it’s the feeling of hopelessness and depression that is so very difficult to work through. The anxiety I can accept. Do you have any triggers? Any thoughts that start it off or a pattern when the anxiety comes? My 20’s have been a write off too, you are not alone there, been suffering with one thing or another throughout.

    Mindfulness is a great way to go, it’s definitely good for things like depression and anxiety and even proven to be very beneficial in the treatment of things like borderline personality disorder and bipolar. Focus your energies on practicing your mindfulness and I will do the same, but most of all be gentle with yourself, don’t overdo it if you can help it.

    I’m starting to come out of my latest bout of anxiety, but in the evening I am so on edge, last night my partner went out for a bit and I could feel the panic rising but somehow the racing thoughts didn’t come, I think I have beaten all my fears and just have a case of over sensitisation to work through now, only time can return my shattered nerves to normal.

    Let us know how you are getting on xx

  1122. Rachel Says:

    Hi everyone-
    I had a family function today/tonight and saw relatives I haven’t seen in a while. It was really challenging for me because I felt socially awkward at times but most of all was the dizzy/panic sensations. There was a service and I got it the worst during it; felt fidgety, dizzy, clammy, sweaty and couldn’t focus and enjoy.

    Starting to think medication may be the right way to go… it’s been 20 years of this! Do you think if I give myself one month of a healthy diet and meditation every day (and stick with it) it may help? My diet is pretty awful (I’m thin but addicted to sugar and eat too much junk) and I haven’t stuck with the meditation. Or might I just need medication for a chemical imbalance? Sensations are so strong… ugh

    Thanks x

  1123. Mark R Says:

    Hi Diane/Nicola,

    I’ve had a rotten week to be honest and a rotten day yesterday. I try not to spend too much time on the blog as I like to do as much as I can in the normal world despite how I feel.

    I don’t think I’ve ever cried so much as yesterday, I drove to a car boot and on the way back had to pull over because the tears were so bad I couldn’t see to drive. I sat in an empty industrial car park and cried for 3 hours. I went to visit my mom and cried on her as well, I think these frustrations have just built up.

    Nicola, In answer to your question, I seem to get frustrated with the DP, just not connecting to anything. Most of the time I can just get on with it but then times like yesterday I get so frustrated at things not giving me joy like they used to…….things like food, football, films, my ebay business. All things that I dearly love. Like Helen said I’m expecting these things too early.

    To be honest I did have good years in my 20s, I had gaps where I was well for 18 months to 2 years at a time so its not all been bad. These years were great in comparison, I felt like I could achieve anything.

    In terms of mindfulness I am reading a book on it at the moment on depression – I know depression isn’t the primary concern but its all closeley linked. I also have a mindful book on DP which someone else recommended. At my present state I don’t feel particularly anxious anymore – its the DP that is spoiling things for me which i am having trouble accepting. I have also found a counsellor on my road who deals in Mindful Based Therapy. One thing that struck a chord with me regarding this type of therapy is that it states that people try and ‘think’ their way out of these states which makes the problem worse – acceptance is the way forward – obviously the ethos of Paul’s book and site. Another key issue is that it tries to prevent lapses back into these states – over the last 11 years I have had long bouts of it 3/4 times, I don’t want this to continue anymore, it’s not on.

  1124. gem Says:

    Hi all.
    I have never done anything like this before but just thought I’d add a little about my current struggle with health anxiety. I have always had problems with depression and confidence for as long as I can remember, I suppose it stems for my mam dying of cancer when I was just 6 yrs old, I am now 31 and all these years I have just got on with life, I have a wonderful husband and two beautiful kids, so not all bad but in december last year I started to feel ‘strange’. After daily visits to the doctors begging them to find out what on earth was wrong with me, I was eventually sent to hospital for tests altho this did take them 3 months to do. I had blood tests, certain cancer checks, ct scan and a 24 hr ecg tracing, every single result came back normal. It was then I was told I had health anxiety, I’m not going to lie but the last 8 months or so have been the worst time ever. The actual physical symptoms are just sooo dehabilitating. I won’t list them all as most of my symptoms I have seen throughout other peoples blogs. I have floaters in my eyes (anxiety??) what feels like a constant electric charge in my body, I really could just go on and on. I had my first ever panic attack about 11 months ago, after eventually giving in to the docs, to just try taking anti-depressants, as I have always refused them. Well I tried them and on the 7th day I ended up in hospital, needless to say I didn’t continue to take them. I suppose my anxiety bucket was near to being full then. It was then that my obsession with having a heart attack started. I’d fear it every single day, I would just sit with a pen and paper and every 5 minutes I would take my pulse and jot everything down, I became obsessed with my viens too and any change would have me beating down my doctors door. Life at this point didn’t feel worth living, it was affecting my whole family because most days I just could not get out of bed. It was then I decided I needed professional help so my doctor referred me to the mental health service (I found this really hard to admit to) and I started cbt, I have had 18 weekly sessions so far. At first, because I wouldn’t admit to myself that what I was suffering from was anxiety( i was convinced it was serious health problems) I didn’t feel like the cbt was for me and I hated the homework too. But just in the last few weeks I have really felt like I’m getting somewhere, just admitting to it was a huge relief. I am learning to stop with all the checking and to be honest it hasn’t been that hard. I still have the odd day here and there, when I check but not on the scale I used to. I am just really struggling with the stupid thoughts and fears about having a heart attack, sometimes it feels like it’s all I think about even when I’m doing something else. It feels like I’m constantly on the verge of a panic attack altho I have only had 3 full blown panic attacks. I can’t get to grips with the idea of just letting the thoughts be, and not adding the worry and fear when they do come. At the minute I find this too hard. I struggle daily with not being able to eat, I feel like everything gets stuck in my throat, like there is a lump or something there. I have lost a lot of weight and now have to see a nutritionist every 4 weeks. I do have a lot more good days than bad days now, but when I have a bad day, boy are they bad, but I’m taking this as a good sign that at least I have good days. That slap in the face out of the blue after good days is still hard to understand. Just when you think ‘yes, this is it, it’s finally gone, bang there it is waiting for it’s fuel. Sorry for rambling on a bit but I really have enjoyed writing all this down, it’s like I’ve just emptied my mind a little. I hope that everyone on here finds the comfort and happiness that we all deserve in life. I can sympothise with every single one of you’s. Love and blessings to you all in your experiences with anxiety. xx

  1125. Mike F Says:

    Hi everyone, having a bit of a rough day and was hoping to read some new posts of people feeling better. I wont go on and on I just wanted to chat. Thanks all

  1126. Clare Says:

    Himikesorry ur having A bad day felt a bit anxious myself today .been to hospital to see my sister she never suffered with anxiety or depression but she has had some kind of physcotic breakdown . Just goes to show none of us r infallible hope u r a lot better tomorrow

  1127. Mike F Says:

    Thanks Clare! Hope you feel better soon. I am sure your sister will be fine too! I agree, nobody is infallible. I wish the best to every single person here!

  1128. Nicola Says:

    Hi Clare, are you sure your sister wasn’t suffering from anxiety or depression? I’ve never heard of a psychotic episode coming out of nowhere? Severe prolonged episodes of depression can cause psychosis, as can acute periods of stress, the same thing happened to my aunt, she went through a period of extreme stress and eventually was admitted into a psychiatric ward because of a psychotic break. She’s fine now. Your sister will get through too. My heart goes out to her and you xx

    Well Mike, I can tell you that I am doing really well despite a major recent setback, I am floating through the bad times with 100% acceptance

  1129. Nicola Says:

    And it truly seems to be doing the trick. Sometimes I even have periods where I feel at complete peace with life. There is hope for us all. I really believe my mind is recovering now I’m not standing in its way by fighting the symptoms all the time. You’ll recover xx

  1130. Josh Says:


    Need your help to clear some confusion.

    As is pescribed that we should allow thoughts/ feeling to happen and live alongwith it. I have now started living a disciplined life and trying to do what I want to do. This calls for somewhat fighting the feeling and thoughts as we are going against it. Does this impact the recovery?


  1131. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Josh I would not say you are fighting by going against a thought, I would say you are giving the thought no power by moving on from it. I ignored my own intrusive thoughts as I knew they were just anxiety based and hence not real and therefore did not have my respect. It’s like being drunk, we think and view the world differently, but it is just the alcohol and not real, anxious thoughts are brought on by excess adrenalin, they arent fact.

  1132. Bill Says:

    Does anyone experience any strange visual or head sensations whilst driving.I know a lot of peoples eyes are extremely light sensitive,mine included.I guess i am very tense which does not help.Any comments,Bill.

  1133. Mike F Says:


    Thank you for your update on recovery. I am so happy for you and everyone on here making those strides. I appreciate your confidence in me recovering. Best to everyone here, and its nice to see a post from Paul! :)

  1134. gem Says:

    I suffer from strange vision, I get floaters and flashing lights also sometimes it feels like I am floating above a situation that I’m in. Sorry I can’t really describe that any better but it’s like I’m there in body but my mind is hovering over me. (It is a strange sensation).

    Does anyone else suffer from bruising?? Just wondering if this is anxiety related as I get quite big deep purple, almost black bruises on my legs, but it seems they go as quick as they come. Someone did mention varicose viens but the doc seemes uninterested when I show her the bruises. Any ideas folks???

  1135. Bill Says:

    Gem,thanks,yes its weird,i find as soon as i put my specs on in the morning everything is in focus but out of focus,sounds silly i know.I understand what you mean,there are some weird sensations though.I find i am blinking a lot as if this will correct the vision,i should just learn to let it be.Sorry can’t help with the bruising.

  1136. lukes Says:

    Hello all, My first time on here, I have read the book and things were going well, recently tho I am finding it harder and harder to accept certain thoughts. I am probably trying to accept them but I am finding myself slipping back ever so slightly. Is this normal, Thank you, lukes

  1137. gem Says:

    Yeah I get that too, at first I thought it was my contact lenses but it doesn’t matter if I wear them or my specs it still happens. Do u find that everything seems super bright, I do, and I get tunnel vision too.

    Just reading through these posts, I can’t actually believe how many horrific symptoms us anxiety sufferers have. I could easily list 20+ symptoms that I get and I just find it hard to go along with the(accept them, don’t pay them any attention) advice. It’s hard not pay any attention to an actual physical symptom(in my case I fear having a heart attack and get chest pains constantly) when we are feeling it.

    Sometimes I feel like I’m being punished for some reason. It really is an awful thing to have. :-(

  1138. Will Says:

    Hi everyone. My anxiety’s been pretty ok for the past week, but I had another thought today while eating a bar of chocolate. While eating it, I started to get the funny feeling I get when I’m anxious. Normally if I ignore it it goes away, but my attention was shifted to the chocolate bar and from nowhere, the thought “I might have contracted diabetes” popped into my head. Ridiculous, I know.
    On a related note, I get similar thoughts when encountering new food. I’m afraid of trying new food in case I’m allergic to it (although I’ve never been allergic to ANYTHING) and I get an anxious feeling when I do try it, my mind mistaking it for a deadly allergic reaction. Does anyone else have slightly paranoid thoughts like this that stop them from trying things?

  1139. Will Says:

    Oh, and Gem – I’ve had the bright blurry vision too sometimes. It’s from when your pupils dilate due to the fight-or-flight response. There was once where I was in a bathroom and felt slightly panicky, I looked in the mirror and my pupils were huge!

  1140. Nicola Says:

    Will I nearly stopped eating altogether once cos I got it into my head that food might have the same effect on me as illegal drugs. Stupid I know but that’s just what my anxiety was latching onto at the time. I still can’t eat mushrooms and I love mushrooms. I don’t eat meat cos I know some animals are pumped full of drugs and I won’t drink drinks like red bull anymore and I love those too. I had a panic attack once just because I ate too much junk food, i was worried what it might do to my brain. Paranoid thoughts I have been through loads but I finally seem to be able to over ride this now even when feeling really anxious as I know it’s just the anxiety.

  1141. Will Says:

    Nicola – Another habit of mine is checking the packaging of food. If it’s not airtight (if there’s a tiny hole or anything), I won’t have it. I just can’t bring myself to eat it. If there’s even the slightest opening in a package of food, I seem to have this paranoid thought that something malicious is in there. It’s infuriating.
    What you said about loving mushrooms but now you can’t eat them, it reminds me of how needles and syringes never used to bother me, but now I can’t even look at one on TV without a sudden surge of panic and the fleeting fear of passing out. It really is remarkable how anxiety can play with our minds and change our opinions of things. :\

  1142. Debbie Says:

    Doreen and Michelle hope you are both doing ok! X

  1143. Gem Says:

    Will. Im like that with food but I obsess over the fat and saturated fat contents. I wont buy or eat anything with over 3% fat in. ????

  1144. Will Says:

    Gem – I’m not too fussy about moderate levels of fat in foods, but once I had a microwaveable lasagne that contained 145% of daily saturated fat! After I found that out, I was sure I’d have a heart attack and was worried about it for an hour or two.

  1145. Clare Says:

    On a positive ending to today I have done nothing special ,been with my daughter and grand daughters to shops but felt like a normal
    Person whatever normal is .itvis such a feeling not to think inwards
    I hope each and every one of you feel stress free and free from to u all xxx

  1146. Doreen Says:

    Not bad thanks Debbie, but sometimes it seems like 2 steps forward and 3 back. Had a day like that today. All my own fault really. Had been feeling comfortable for a while and today did a ‘push the anxiety button’ thought. Felt crap all day as result.
    Oh well, tomorrow is another day
    How are you?

  1147. Rachel Says:


    Would you be able to address this/comment? My physical sensations are so strong that it’s so difficult to function/accept/have “whatever” attitude because I feel such terror in the moment and so sickly. Sorry for the negativity but thought you could share some insight? Thank you!

    Hi everyone-
    I had a family function today/tonight and saw relatives I haven’t seen in a while. It was really challenging for me because I felt socially awkward at times but most of all was the dizzy/panic sensations. There was a service and I got it the worst during it; felt fidgety, dizzy, clammy, sweaty and couldn’t focus and enjoy.

    Starting to think medication may be the right way to go… it’s been 20 years of this! Do you think if I give myself one month of a healthy diet and meditation every day (and stick with it) it may help? My diet is pretty awful (I’m thin but addicted to sugar and eat too much junk) and I haven’t stuck with the meditation. Or might I just need medication for a chemical imbalance? Sensations are so strong… ugh

    Thanks x

  1148. Nicola Says:

    Rachel I would try a change of diet and lifestyle before you try medication. Cut down on the sugar, I can’t think that’s good for anxiety! Also try to get plenty of exercise. Socialising is good for the depressive part of the anxiety so try to spend plenty of time with people.

    I am on medication but it wasn’t something I did until I had exhausted every other option and my depression had become very severe. I’m not saying you should let yourself get really bad before you try it though. I was extremely stubborn and phobic when it came to the idea of taking medication.

    It’s not easy to recommend that someone take meds without knowing them really. It won’t hurt you to give it a try if you are at your wits end. Xx

  1149. Doreen Says:

    Hi Rachel – Nicola talking good sense up there. She and I have both used medication and I do not see that as a failure on my part. It is very difficult but not impossible to operate along side those physical sensations. When I have been in a situation like a service for instance and felt like you did I try really hard to focus on something else even counting heads in the room for instance and that can create just enough distance that whilst I may not enjoy whatever it is, as ideally I would want to do, I have at least stayed put. And later when I look back I can remember the ok bits of being there. Gold star for staying despite how challenging it was

  1150. Rachel Says:

    Thanks Nicola and Doreen. I really appreciate the advice and support. Amazingly, I don’t really have the depression thing even despite the serious anxiety struggles. I’m going to give myself a month and change my diet – and actually do it, not just say it. I’ll see if that helps. I do have Ativan that I use on an as-needed basis so I’ll also take half a .5 here and there if I need to get through certain situations.

    I hope you both (and everyone reading) has a good day! Thanks again.

  1151. Michelle Says:

    Hi Debbie ,
    not doing too bad thank you .Trying to change my BIG habit of fear into “acceptance ” and be patient with the process .
    Hope you are well and still going to the gym , it is bound to bring rewards

  1152. Nicola Says:

    Hi Rachel, sounds like a plan, try to stick to it, it will give you something to focus on other than anxiety xx

  1153. Clare Says:

    had another good day .still think about anxiety but trying to move on ,hope this helps everyone , nothing really bad has happened in all theseyears
    Every days different do not be conned by these thoughts . Live for today but really mean it do not ,be fooled by other people

  1154. ESI Says:

    Hi Rachel,

    I understand what you feel regarding physical symptoms. I have this very strong physical symptoms when my anxiety was at its height. Dizziness and tight cord sensation in the head. But you know, what really helped me with this symptoms is that I started to get an exercise. First I did about 3KM of walking at our park everyday. Eventhough my head is pounding, short of breat, fear, I walk on and on everyday. Even when it is raining I walk. Then from 3KM to 5KM from walking to Jogging. hen it now became a habit o more like a sports to me. That is the one that realy helped me a lot. Counter Physical symptoms with Physical Exercise and in no time you will feel that your anxiety will lessen and eventually go.

  1155. Clare Says:

    hi no one talking today,just had two days of feeling good ,then it’s followed
    by a anxious one been to shops,felt nervy but I stayed bought myself a new
    Top for Hols .sometimes I think we talk ourselves into a state ,anyone agree
    especially if you are on your own for long periods
    all the best to everyonex

  1156. Mike F Says:

    Hi Clare,

    Sounds like yur doin well though 2 good and then 1 not so good, thats recovery! I agree that we sometimes talk ourselves into a state. I live alone and who else will listen? LOL Hope you and everyone here have a great day and evening. Mike

  1157. angela Says:

    could anyone tell me me they suffer from constant analyzing? i do it all the time with everything i do or say… i am still doubting/analyzing whether i love my husband because we are not close at the moment.. prob due to us both being off work for the six weeks holidays.. i feel very low at the moment my mood switches a lot during the day does anyone else have this…HELP…. :(

  1158. JOHN S Says:

    Hi Angela,

    My name is John S. I first found this website in 2008 after suffering for three years with extremely severe anxiety. I think i last posted in 2011.
    After about a while i realised i came on here asking all the quesuions saying i understood Pauls theory but why wasnt it working. Well after a while I finally realised, i was still ‘trying’ to rid myself of things.
    Everythin, from feeling awful, mind racing, depersonalisation, sense of dread about doing things etc, I had it all.

    Constant analyzing is a symptom of anxiety, just like a runny nose is a symptom of a cold. Yes its not pleasant but its gonna happen so why are you trying to stop it. Your not accepting it by asking if anyone has a problem with it. If you accept it it will co0ntinue to happen but you wont add petrol to the fire and it will eventually fade. Then come back. Then fade. Then
    come back. Perhaps many times.

    Im going to be honest, i finally accepted about three years ago and I am so much better. I would not say im totally ‘recovered’ as I continue to sometimes have down times and occassional setbacks but they continue to happen less and less and i suffered extremely deeply.
    No matter how I feel, either great or with anxiety I do everything. I read on here once that (might have been Paul) that he felt he finally recovered when he truly accepted. Not felt a 100% but accepted and started living.

    Remember, I have a good job, i play sports, i go on lads holidays no matter how i feel. This is true acceptence. Sorry if i have waffled and repeated (not sure summarising is my strong point!)

    Hope this helps x x

  1159. angela Says:

    hi thanks john it does help.
    ive suffered since i had a break down 2 years ago.after losing my mom. in them 2 years i have worked a few jobs all voluntary and it all helps my confidence… i now work in a school mentoring teens, i walked a 26 mile walk called the ridge walk for sense.
    my confidence is growing slowly lol ive been in recovery then setbacks etc this one seems to be dragging on.. but as you say i am not dealing with it properly as im still asking questions etc lol

    i can usually get on with it but this time its extremely difficult as the “tools” i have dont seem to be working this time.. and your right. i think ive accepted it when really i havnt. its just that its really getting me down now as i just want to wake up and not analize the day before its happened!!! then go to bed and worry about the next day. i try and fill my day up with stuff so i dont have anxiety. its stupid because its not the way to do it lol just get up and go about your day

  1160. angela Says:

    ooops pressed the wrong button :) basically what im trying to say is all i want to do is get up and have a normal day as in stop thinking about stuff :( i could do it before so why cant i kick my self up the backside like last time and get on with it!!! so bloody frustrating all this… ive decided to stop my medication and go on to something else.. i will use it as my crutch for now as i no it doesnt help for my anxiety it just tricks my body so whatever works for now…:) thanks for the advice john :)

  1161. Debbie Says:

    Rachel you sound like me I’ve had over 30 yrs of it on and off, this setback has been going on for a year now so im getting weary and desperate, I’ve started the menopause so it made everything worse. I’m on meds but they’re not helping, I also on an odd couple of good weeks started the gym and got the bug for it, I joined weight watchers too and have lost a stone but the weight loss is slow. Sadly the good spell didn’t last and find the gym makes me feel worse as I’m very dizzy so feel all over the place, it’s hard to know what to do for the best.
    I too would love to have a reply from Paul but he doesn’t seem to be on here anymore, getting on with his life I suppose now he’s better, lucky him! x

  1162. Doreen Says:

    Hi Debbie – sorry you are not feeling as good as you did. Don’t forget – the good feelings are there, maybe hidden away again but they are real. Paul is still putting stuff on Twitter. I guess the volume of posts on here makes it harder for him to respond as maybe his work is cut out just doing the moderating. Also I think he wants us to help each other rather than relying on him which I think we do pretty well on the whole.

  1163. Debbie Says:

    Doreen thanks for your reply, it’s hard isn’t it to see any positive in anything when you feel so bad? My head feels as though it’s going to explode terrible tension I know it’s probably cos it’s over thinking constantly why am I feeling so bad, how can I stop this etc etc I don’t know how to stop it, I’ve been making shoes and a handbag to go on a cake while watching tele so it’s not as though I’m laying on the settee feeling sorry for myself cos I’m not. If I move too quickly the dizziness makes me feel sick. I’ve even given in and taken half (2.5mg) of a Valium it takes the edge off. It’s so frustrating which I know isn’t helping either!
    I’ve got an appointment tomorrow with the mental health team I’m trying not to think its a waste of time, new doctor (again) but hopefully a fresh look at things and hopefully agree to changing my meds as I’ve given them 6 months and they are obviously not working! I’ve had them lowered, upped I’ve done everything they’ve said so something’s got to be done about them.
    How are you? x

  1164. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Doreen Says:
    August 30th, 2012 at 9:44 am e

    Hi Debbie – sorry you are not feeling as good as you did. Don’t forget – the good feelings are there, maybe hidden away again but they are real. Paul is still putting stuff on Twitter. I guess the volume of posts on here makes it harder for him to respond as maybe his work is cut out just doing the moderating. Also I think he wants us to help each other rather than relying on him which I think we do pretty well on the whole.

    Yes just moderating the blog is a job in itself with so many posts daily and each post spam or not spam has to be read to make sure it is o.k. The day you stop moderating is the day everything collapses and it would be full of spam and trollers.

    When you start something you never realise how big it may grow and the posts on here are ten fold what they were a year or two ago, which creates more work and means you have to cut back on something and in my case that has been replying, it will never affect my posts every few weeks though.

    I am also in the middle of creating an app for the android which is taking a lot of time up and trying to get the book available in America without the need to post from here. Add to that answering emails, twitter, updating and maintaining the main site, moderation this place, posting and packing books, dealing with book shops and distributers, printers, it never ends. I wish I could personally give everyone my time, but it is impossible as I am just a one man band. I will have a little more time when the app is done, but yes this place really does need to be self sufficent these days, it’s just grown so big.

    Hope everyone is well


  1165. Doreen Says:

    Thanks Paul. I am sure everyone will understand.

  1166. Michelle Says:

    Debbie ,
    I was just wondering if you have got yourself “overly tired ” this can make it all so much worse for me .I do think healing ourselves from this is tricky as we know , and we do need a steady balance as to pushing through and rest .
    When im feeling really bad there is only one solution sleep and relaxation , to freshen up a bit to get on the march forward once again .

    This bad patch will lift for you , hard to believe when we are in it though , try not to let it frighten you too much , and be very kind to yourself .

    Hope you are soon feeling better once again xx

  1167. Debbie Says:

    Michelle thanks for replying, maybe I have been doing too much, I think when you feel good you want to do everything so perhaps i did push it, funny cos when good you are so busy doing normal things and enjoying yourself you forget anxiety, just a shame it comes back and seems worse than ever, almost like its reminding you its still there!
    I’ve managed to keep calm it did frighten me earlier and I nearly phoned the crisis team but I thought I will just wait an hour and I’m glad I did cos I feel slightly better.
    Perhaps I need to leave the gym at the moment and not push myself I thought doing that was a good thing but maybe not. I’ve got lots of things to do at home quietly and will take the dogs for a walk to get the exercise instead. Thanks you’ve made me realise some things Michelle! xx

  1168. Mark R Says:


    I’d have to agree with John really, when we are anxious the natural thing for our minds to do is try and think our way out of it, there is no way we can stop our thoughts just try to not get caught up in it. When the mind realises there isn’t an issue anymore it will stop trying to solve it.
    You don’t need any tools for anxiety other than acceptance – if you try to hard to accept you are not accepting, I think acceptance is a feeling not a thought. I think people also get caught up in trying to accept and make their symptoms disappear – this is fighting and accepting and won’t work. To accept you really have to say ‘Okay I feel lousy, my heads full of thoughts/crap but I will carry on anyway’.


    I know how you feel – I have suffered on and off for 11 years now – I’m 31. I have had periods of years in between bouts where I have felt great but for the most part I’ve been suffering. I have read somewhere that bouts are supposed to get shorter the more you suffer – but for me they seem to get longer. What I would say is that they seem to be less intense each time round.

    I am going to see a mindfulness teacher next week and have been reading quite a lot of mindful based books. One of the key things I picked up from this is that it is a preventative method to help stop me falling into the same trap. The thing I love about mindfulness is the fact that the idea of not changing how you feel but accepting it is paramount. One thing I have learnt over the years, especially this time round is to stop fighting – the main reasons I put other therapies on stop.

  1169. Doreen Says:

    Debbie – thank you for your enquiry. I didn’t have time to respond earlier. I am doing not to badly thanks. We have a festival here this week and I am very involved so out at stuff most days which is fun and not stressful. I have set backs too but touch wood the time between them seems to be getting longer. I do find as soon as feel confident enough to think I am ok I then press the anxiety button to test myself. Sure enough it springs into life again. I think if I could stop doing that I would be nearer to recovery. So taking each day as it comes.

  1170. Debbie Says:

    Mark I did a mindfulness course through the NHS five years ago when I was very bad with anxiety, it was very good I wouldn’t mind doing it again as I couldn’t focus properly last time. It takes a lot of practice, when my anxiety levels are high I find it really hard to do I did do my CD this afternoon, ive read that doctors are recommending it now for anxiety relief, so I will be interested on how you go with it, good luck x

  1171. Rachel Says:

    Hi Debbie and everyone else-

    Thanks for all the support. Something that has helped me is a Buddhist meditation class. The problem is that I don’t stick with it but if I did I KNOW it would help tremendously so need to get back on that wagon. I live in NYC – does anyone else? There’s a class every Tuesday night which includes a talk on mindfulness and meditation. It’s really powerful.

    Does anyone find that alcohol makes anxiety sooo much worse the next day? It’s crazy because I have one wine spritzer (lightest form of alcohol available) to calm me in a social setting or on a date and to make me forget about the dizzy sensations. The next day, I’m so much more dizzy and crave junk food and just SO off. I definitely think I have alcohol allergy on time of anxiety. Oy!

    Anyways, hope everyone is having a good day. :) x

  1172. Mark R Says:

    Just one more thing to share really which I read and thought was really interesting, it’s not copied word for word but summed up.

    Imagine you are driving a bus and on the bus the passengers are anxiety, depression and dp. If you keep only driving round the roundabout the passengers are content and keep quiet. If you go in the direction you want to go in the passengers leap from their seats, distracting you, shouting at you to keep turning left going round in circles. What’s more important? To go the direction you want to go and live life by your values or to keep the three passengers quiet and let them bully you into where they want to go?

  1173. Diane Says:

    Hi all, been a bit of an up and down week, anxiety never stops amazing me. It as if when I relax and feeling better, thoughts just creep in and I become aware of phyiscal sensations, new and old fearful thoughts come in and out of my mind. I also become aware I am more in my head and not connecting and doing more internal thinking than external interaction.

    I had a really bad time this time time last year and am wondering tif the memories of that and the thoughts of it happening again are there at moment. I am trying to just let them be but it isnt easy,

    hope all well x

  1174. angela Says:

    well i have forced my self out the house and started to get on with it :) slowly things are not some muddled up in my head and im being able to think straight again for a change.. and not takeo 15 hours to make a silly decision
    . the kids go back to school next week so i go back to work. this is making me feel better as i love my job, i have got a bit of focus again :)
    i wish i could find all my posts on the site to see how i fluctuate as i no i do. the first time i ever cam on here i was terrble!!! so i no pauls methods are amazing… i will stick to my medication and the help from my family and on this site and hopefully things will improve as im not sitting at home thinking all day long anymore.. the key is keep your self busy in what you do. do the things that youve always wanted to do.. try new things i no i have.. who would have thought i could have donea the ridgewalk.. little old me lol i continue to push through it all there is light at the end of the tunnel. there are far to many success stories to even contemplate giving up trying. when its bad its bad but when its good its amazing :)

  1175. Diane Says:

    Sorry I had to send my ost withiught finishing it, as at work, anyways I guess its a case of just letting the thoughts, fear and anxiety be there and not enter the viscious cycle. Pauls book and this blog have helped me so much, and I guess it is continuing along the path of recovery and accepting its can be an up and down road………

    good for you Angela, glad youre feeling better and looking forward to getting back to work. I agree it is goo have something to focus !:)

    take care all

  1176. lorryt Says:


    I hope someone can help me we this as i am really struggling with this one today, in fact i am sat here in tears!?. i have recently been going thorugh a rough time, no reason, well i guess dealing with a lot , and my feelings towards my husband have become so cold and meaningless. I dont really feel i care and am developing stupid attachments to other men??. I guess its upsettingme as I cant lett he thoughts go and iseem to be acting upon them. It may sound silly to you guys, but im getting myself in such a tizz about it. he’s a lovely man whim i havebeen married to for 16 years and he loves me dearly, but i cant seem to find any feelings back at the moment and it sares me and its making me very anxious. I know he loves me, but he has recently been diagnosed with some serious mental health problems and as a family we havebeen through alot, kids included,but things are starting to get back to some sort of normal. As i am typing this i am answering my own question. I guess although the pressure is off somewhat my mindcant seem to let go ofwhat we have been thorugh and how much stress he put us all under. i know it wasnt intentional and he couldnthelp it but i guess my pressure valve has been released and it has invested itself in my weakest point, my anxiety. My heart is racing and my thoughts are going through my head like a steam train. I can take the physocal symptoms but the thoughts i can never seem to get a handle on. i know i am to accept nd let go , float and they will pass embut they come with such power and force it is so tricky and itd alomst like it blitzs my mind that i can focus on nothing else. it seems ridiculous to me . please if anyone understands can they give me some advice. i am up and down like a yo yo at the current time. i promised myself that i wouldnt comeback and seek reassurance as i thought i could cope, but i am not handling things too well as you can see. i wouldnt say that i am back at square one , but its totally different and i dont feel the techniques are working. sorry to rant but i need to get it off my chest and get some guidance xxxx

  1177. Helen Says:

    Hi Lorryt,
    Anxiety sometimes makes you think or feel like you could or should do something destructive. It’s a test of your worst fears and is very frightening. The more frightening the thought, the more it comes at you, testing you over and over again. This is why people get consumed by the awful thoughts that come at them, thoughts of violence, death, leaving the ones you love as you believe that the thoughts must be true or they wouldn’t be in your head.
    It is all a big bluff and is never, ever real, not ever. I know you know what to do and that is to just let the thoughts be there but that doesn’t stop them from being so frightening and all consuming.
    Let me reassure you that it will go, you just have to carry on, don’t believe what’s currently in your head, like I said, it’s just a bluff.
    See this a test of what you have learned previously, see it as a challenge and know that you will get through it. You will be absolutely fine and at the end of it you will of added more valuable experience.

    All the best

  1178. Rachel A Says:

    Helen I love your posts, they are so inspirational. Thank you for coming back on here and helping those who still need reassurance! So good to see positive posts like yours :-)

  1179. Nicola Says:


    What came first, the anxiety or the feelings towards your husband? I don’t know if it’s the anxiety causing the feelings or the feelins causing the anxiety?

  1180. Sydney Carton Says:


    I am going through something very similar to you which for someone like me who has been happily married for 43 years is frightening and ‘thoughts wise’ seems to becoming a chronic problem. Thank you Helen for the reassurance and putting my present condition into perspective.

  1181. Mark R Says:

    Hi Helen,

    Good to see you back posting and helping others on here, your posts are always reassuring and very sincere.


    I can kind of understand how you feel when it comes to the dumbing down of feelings towards the ones you love. I have been in love only once in my life. In 2005 when anxiety and depression hit me hard I was convinced it was my girlfriend that was causing the cycle to continue as that was what my brain was telling me. I acted upon it and left her, I regretted that decision for about two years after until I got over her. As Helen said these are false signals, you mention you can’t get the same feelings back you once had, these will come back in time when you aren’t being bombarded with anxious feelings and thoughts. These thoughts only exist due to your current state of mind.

    I know its not the same but in principal its hard to relate to anything when you feel the way you do. In March I started my own business part time on Ebay, something that was always an ambition. I was the happiest person ever at the time and had something I was proud of at last. The setback came in April and everything came tumbling down. I couldn’t even look at anything to do with my business without feeling revulsion. Of course, my mind was off then blaming the anxiety on that, my job change etc. My parents and friends pleaded with me to keep it going and I did. I still don’t have the motivation I did before but I know it will come back when I’ve ‘thawed’ out as it were. In essence what I am trying to say is don’t make any rash decisions based on how you feel at the moment, let time reveal how YOU really feel, not how anxiety feels.

    Does anyone actually feel at all like they’ve learned something from their recent troubles with anxiety? I don’t want to suffer without just cause and a few things that have cropped up since I have suffered the last 4 months. One of those is I’ve learnt to try and live in the present and that there is no such thing as tomorrow. I always used to be the kind of person who would always find fault in every situation, never enjoying where I was, always wishing I was somewhere else. I used to be a ‘I’ll be happy when……’ sort of person. When I’m recovered I want to enjoy every second of life, a lot of people say they feel like they’ve been let out of prison when they have recovered and I want to feel like that too. I have in the past but I have drifted back into old ways.

    Another thing is I totally took my health for granted. When this setback started I was binge drinking every weekend for around 3 months. It’s taken me a good few months to realise that this has had something to do with the setback ocurring.

    Maybe and hopefully I will come out of this a changed man, more integrated than I was before and with an appreciated for life that I didn’t have before.

  1182. Mark R Says:

    Appreciation* rather!

  1183. Doreen Says:

    Nice post Mark R

  1184. Nicola Says:

    Lorryt, anxiety does dampen your emotions, I posted on here about it before. When I first started to get severe anxiety, I didn’t understand what was going on, I was pregnant at the time and developed a fear of my partner and family, it was awful, I became suicidal and had to be admitted to a psychiatric ward. Shortly after my feelings for my loved ones shut down completely, they felt like strangers, I didn’t look forward to their visits, I didn’t miss them and worst of all I felt nothing for them. I think it has something to do with your brain trying to protect you from further stress. As someone else said I wouldn’t act on anything until you are feeling a little more like your old self xx

  1185. Nicola Says:

    Mark I have learned loads from the anxiety, I have more empathy for others, I now appreciate what I have, I have a new respect for life, I have been able to understand and forgive family members who so obviously struggled with their own mental issues in the past, my social anxiety has all but disappeared and it was chronic before, and I have learned that I am so much stronger than I ever knew. I was like you, I always thought there was something better going on somewhere else, I’m ashamed of that now. I also used to be a heavy binge drinker, I used alcohol because I couldn’t face negative emotion. I gave up completely when I fell pregnant and haven’t touched the stuff since, boy was I thrown into the deep end of learning to deal with those emotions! I kind of find that anxiety also teaches you to be more mindful anyway.

  1186. Nicola Says:

    I now understand exactly what I need to do to recover, I know that fear is just an emotion. Anxiety projects itself onto certain things, be it people, places, objects, but it’s an inner state you are carrying around with you, these things aren’t scary or threatening, it’s just your mind trying to find a reason for your inner turmoil and so it looks for a reason outside of yourself. I find that when I feel bad now, or uncomfortable with my loved ones, I find the part of me that knows all this and I re-centre myself. I sit it out knowing that nothing outside of me has changed and that the fear will pass quickly as long as I don’t let the anxiety fool me. That inner understanding and part of me that knows the truth grows stronger everyday. I no longer get DP/DR and feel a lot better.

  1187. Kelly Says:

    Feeling so down at the moment. My anxiety has been playing up chronically for the last few days and I just feel like I don’t know which way to turn anymore. I’m fed up of being literally scared of everything. I’m fed up of my whole life just feeling like a dream. I’m fed up of going over and over the same questions and coming up with no answers.

    My anxiety doesn’t just focus on death anymore. It focuses on the whole world and my existence. I get questions like why am I here? What’s this life for? What happens when we die? I’m equally scared of being somewhere else for eternity as I am an eternity of non existence. I guess this is because this is all I’ve known. I wonder how the world even came about and I wonder will it end and I get freaked out and scared.

    I can’t relax anymore and I feel so lost in this world. I can’t feel any emotions and I feel I am pushing those closest to me away. I feel like I just want to run away but how can you run away from yourself?

  1188. Jimmy Says:

    Sorry if this becomes à double post but its bin saying awaiting moderation for a day now.
    Helen, i have read all your post and allways think you come with good suggestions maybe you can give me some advice or maybe someone elese can help me to. First i have to say that my English may not be so great because im from Sweden. I found this site around 3 years ago when i had very bad anxiety and D.P. It was a release to find an explination for all my symptoms cause no one ever told me what they were. My biggest fear was to become psycotic, i was so scared and the D.P was the worst of it all. I read Pauls book and also did CBT at that time and after a long time i slowly began to feel better. I dont remember just one day waking up feeling better it happend in layers as Paul said. Ive felt recovered for almost two years now but 2 weeks ago i had a panic attack again and now i feel like im back to square one. Ive had to much stress in my life lately, at work and in my private life. i hate that i didnt slow down when i knew i had so much stress in my life. How can i be so scared once again when i know the explination for all my feelings. I feel unreal. I feel like i will forget who i am, i become so aware of who and were i am that it freaks me out and i feel like i will zoone out and never come back. Is all those feelings D.P? I allways ask my girlfriend if she thinks i am going psycotic and when im about to have a panic attack i want to call the hospital so they can reasuare me nothing bad is going to happen. Im home from work right now and im scared every minute of the day. I also get à feeling like what if this never gets better? What if it becomes to much and i cant cope? I also hate mornings, as soon as i wake up my mind races and i feel terrible. I think im so affraid of letting go, i watch every step i take and look for signs that would sugest i might become insane. How do i brake this cycle? I did it once and i got my life back and loved every minute of it. But i feel like im doing everything wrong again. Any advice?

  1189. Mark R Says:


    Stop trying to work things out………there are no answers and the questions will still keep coming up.

    Get up today and do something YOU want to do, not what your anxiety tells you to. Take your thoughts and feelings with you. Come back on here later and tell us how you feel.

  1190. Kelly Says:


    I know that but no matter what I do these thoughts are there. I actually don’t feel like doing anything because I am so tired and scared of everything. Its hard.

  1191. Nicola Says:

    Kelly, I’ve been through all the thoughts you described and I ended up literally petrified. I’ve come through it now and so will you. These questions are there for everybody but not everybody is afraid so rest assured it is still just the anxiety, in fact you may find when you come through this you will have no fears left, what could create more fear in one individual than the question of life, death and existence. You have to work on acceptance when dealing with these thoughts.

    It is true that what we focus on grows, so try to focus on the things that are wonderful about life. I truly sympathise. Xx

  1192. Debbie Says:

    Helen glad to see your post I’m sure a lot of us get a lift from reading your comments etc.
    I’m really struggling at the moment especially with not wanting to be here anymore I feel so weary with the roller coaster of emotions etc, one minute being fine the nest at rock bottom, it seems never ending.
    When you’ve had a almost ‘normal’ spell then all of a sudden the opposite it’s hard and disappointing cos you enjoy the normality and think you’ve cracked it!
    You start to wonder what the hell you’ve done in this world to deserve all this! x

  1193. Kelly Says:


    I know you have been through the same. I’m just not sure how to get over it. These thoughts depress me. They override anything else. You can’t push them away but if you let yourself explore and think about them you end up petrified.

  1194. lorryt Says:

    Hi all

    wow, thankyou for your posts, they are very reassuring. i am trying not to overanalyse things at the moment. i dont get why i fell this way but i do and for the time being i guess acceptance is the way forward. I think a lot of it is related to my hubby being diagnosed as a chronic depressive with schitzophrenic affective disorder and what we have all been subjected to. I think i shut myself off from him to protect myself and i havent yet hawed out and my anxiety tends to take over. I suppose by already having goen thorugh this, the anxiety cycle i mean a few years ago i have the tools to know what to do , but i guess it took me unawares and I truly felt recovered adn felt i could do anything I wanted. never had i felt such freedom calmness and clear headed, for a while it was wonderful. As i am only human and experiencing a lot of stress, its only natural.
    You guys are a source of inspiration and endless reassuranceand i am so glad i found this place a while back.
    I am beginning to think that some of it is also related to alcochol. dont get em wrong i only have a glass once a week, but the followung day i feel horrendous, maybe it is my bodies way of telling me i am getting too old to havea glass of wine???, and in my stressed mind it becomes worse…. i really dontk now but ia m going to stop the alcohol for a month and see, thansk again and good luck to all xxx

  1195. Nicola Says:

    Kelly, yes I know, the depressive side of these thoughts is just as difficult to cope with as the anxiety, I got to the point where I had become SO scared I had no choice but to pull it together, I truly felt if I didn’t I would drive myself to insanity. Thank goodness for my Ashlee, without her I’d have done myself in ages ago. I was literally having to survive second by second. It was the single most horrific thing I’ve been through. Ask yourself what exactly is it about these thoughts that frightens you, because I know I couldn’t answer that question, and because I couldn’t I knew it was all still just anxiety. In truth, the thought of being without my little girl is the only thing that pulled me out of that nightmare

  1196. Clare Says:

    Kelly I have had all the thoughts u have had about the universe where we r from , and even worse ,one of my worst thoughts that scares me is what we are made of blood ,skin,bone ,the brain.the fact we can’t see our face only through a mirror I know this sounds stupid ,because at the moment I have no anxiety .ireally feel for ubecause they engulf u these thoughts but acceptance of them is the only way forward .good luck and god blessx

  1197. Doreen Says:

    Funny old thing anxiety isn’t it? Been heavily involved in running local festival this week and action packed time with some problems and tensions going on, as one might expect. Sailed through all of them and kept really calm. Keeping busy is obviously the right thing for me as I have also felt ready to relax and unwind at the end of the day.

  1198. lorryt Says:

    me again, its just really hard to accept today. I have bengiven some sleeping tablets by my GP as he sadi it will also help with stress too. so against my better judgement i am taking them , as I know whenI get tired things escalate. So best get sleep and help, rather than carry on and try and overexamine stuff.
    Ncola you mentioned about what came first?. i really dont know. All i know is my hubby has been ill for along time and he wouldnt accept it and i was living on egg shells for years, felt very alone, and numb. Guess the way i do now, its only started again in the past couple of month. I need to get PAUls book again and refreshmy head about it all. I loaned it out several years back and that was the last i saw of it!!. Its letting the thoughts flow bit i struggle with totally. Stupid, silly, almost like school girl crushes. i really dont get it, but need to rise above it and float past them. I need to just be calm and let things pass, then once my normal self has returned, i guess it will in time, go fromt here. It is weird how it all throws me into total turmoil again. xx

  1199. Debbie Says:

    Doreen well done you sound as though you enjoyed yourself, it’s great isn’t it when you can get on with ‘normal’ things I think next time I can do that I’m going to appreciate it more! x

  1200. pat k Says:

    Paul, I apogise for the e-mail I sent in reply ypto yours – did not realise just how snowed under you are. Please allow my posts, as I really need to give and recieve support freom the others. My posts seem to have all disappeared, which could be the (expensive t)rouble am having with computer. Should be extremely grateful if my posts are read by the others. Thank you for your site, Paul.
    Pat K.

  1201. Nicola Says:

    Hey everyone. I went to a wedding reception yesterday with about 200 people I didn’t know and loved it :-) 7 hours I was there with no anxiety. Xx

  1202. Clare Says:

    Nicola that’s good to hear pleased u enjoyed yourself long may it continue
    U seem to be a lot more positive now than two weeks ago

  1203. JasonG Says:

    Hi I’m new to this post. Not really sure what to write but thought I’d give it a go. My anxiety started back in Feb with a health scare; fortunately it turned out that I’d had a panic attack that caused me to faint, rather than anything serious (having had many tests to check heart etc). The smiling consultant was very reassuring that all was well, so I fully expected to put it behind me and move on. That didn’t happen. The anxiety switch was triggered and hasn’t yet turned off.

    Paul’s description of depersonalisation was the first time I’d encountered a clear account of what I was feeling. His book has helped enormously at times. Now I find the depression hard to deal with. The two go hand in hand. The optimistic part of me wonders if depression is an indication of another step on the way. Is this part of the pattern for anyone else?

    Time to go for a cycle ride in the evening sunshine and take the anxiety with me to do as it sees fit!

  1204. Kelly Says:

    Nicola and Clare,

    Thanks to you both for replying. I just find thinking about this stuff so hard to deal with. No matter what i do they are there. It’s hard to function with these thoughts ruminating around.

    Clare i know what you mean it’s so bizzare. I so wish i hadn’t started having these thoughts though because it makes the world and everything else around me seem even more unreal.

    Been getting some weird experiences just lately too. Over the last few days been getting a really cold draft around me. Nobody else can feel it.

  1205. Will Says:

    Hi everyone. Currently not feeling too great. Not terrible, but I just have that certain “uneasiness” to how I’m feeling. I’ve had more daft thoughts about feeling like this, like “what if I’m deficient in something?” or “what if I have diabetes?” The latter seems to crop up a lot for some reason.
    The worse thing about feeling that it’s an illness or impairment is that you feel you can’t escape from this feeling, that something will develop or get worse, and it makes you panic more which in turn makes you think even more. I’ve had this feeling so many times in the past, but it still feels like a fresh experience and I fall for it every time. I’ve never straight-out panicked from it, but I have gradually felt more panicky, and have always been able to stop it before it really escalates.
    I’m almost 100% positive that it’s just anxiety again and it’s just another day of feeling weird. But I seem to keep forgetting what is causing this feeling and every time I always wonder if I’ve contracted something.

  1206. Clare Says:

    Will have u been tested for diabetes it will put your mind at rest the more you
    Know then u can rule that out,my husband is diabetic but u can still live a normal life .its probably anxiety again .my anxiety starts as soon as I leave home,like tomorrow we will take our grandchildren to meadow hall thenijust hope I can be ok for them and usually I am I think it’s a lot to do with confidence goodnihght

  1207. Will Says:

    Clare – I was tested either last year or the year before. After a questionaire I had a risk factor of 2, and you need a 12 to be worried. They asked if I wanted a blood test too, but I said the questionaire was enough for me. So yeah I was way off having diabetes. My diet’s not the best and maybe I was just anxious while my attention happened to be on the chocolate I was eating at the time. In fact, I just had a shower and now I’ve stepped out I noticed that I don’t feel strange anymore. Of course… just another anxious thought.
    I’m often like that, feeling anxious as soon as I leave the house. Once I’ve been out for a while I’m fine, but it’s when you first leave you feel like you’re leaving your safe zone.

  1208. Clare Says:

    To anyone who isstilllogged on goodnight.hope tomorrow is good for u xx

  1209. Nicola Says:

    Hi Clare,

    I just wondered if you have completely overcome the existential/universal thoughts you used to have? I’m a little concerned that should my anxiety return, those thoughts will be it’s point of focus xx

  1210. Clare Says:

    Nicola I have had those thoughts about existence,but they don’t seem to stick ,it’s the constant awareness of ones self.that bother me more ,having said that today has been a good day been to meadow hall with my ten year old twin granddaughters , don’t have time to think then they make me laughso much .they are the reason I wish I could feel normal ,whatever that is ,I glad u r feeling better hope it stays that way.

  1211. claire Says:

    Hi everyone,I hope your all doing well..anxiety has been with me on and off in the last two days which is annoying but it takes however long it has to take i think..where’s jo?x

  1212. claire Says:

    Hi Kelly,
    I hope your Ok’s the little one?
    It’s easier said than done to put your mind at rest but all the BIG questions you death etc I’d really listen to the philosopher Alan Watts.. after Paul’s site he has been the second most positive thing I have gotten into in the hope of dropping the anxiety. x

  1213. Kelly Says:

    Hi Claire,

    Thanks for your reply. Theo is good thankyou, so forward and grown up for his age too. I am so lucky to have such a wonderful little boy.

    What does the philosopher Alan watts talk about?
    At the moment nothing seems to put my mind at rest about it and I am a bag of nerves.

    Thanks again for your reply, good to have support x

  1214. jess Says:

    hi all, I write on here every so often and havent done for some time, I was wondering if anyone experiences tingling sensations in legs arms fingers etc….. ive been to the docs and he said it is to do with the migrane once that I had but I somehow cant understand why I am still getting tingling.? is this anxiety, i feel i want tests but feel silly. I’m also very worried its MS it was a thought that popped in my head and i cant let it go.

    Any thoughts?

    Jess xxx

  1215. Nicola Says:

    Kelly I feel the same way today. Xx

  1216. angela Says:

    Hi everyone, i had a much better day today, but the major problem im having is im on some medication i dont want to take it anymore as its giving me severe nightmares and isnt helping me sleep at all. its an antidepressant. i have been in meds for two years after a break down.. im fine now and accept i needed help out of my breakdown came anxiety (2 years ago) but i dont want medication for it. as i am 100% sure it dont help for anxiety. but my anxiety is telling me if i dont take it i will get worse even though i no i wont.. i just want to come of my medication and get on with my life. if i need them in the future then i accept that.. bit right now i need to be me.. does anyone have any guidiance on this one or has anyone come off meds… i have been through a lot in my life and never took medication for any of it.. but then having meds when i had a break down worked at the time.. if they docs had there way i would be on it forever (they see me every 2 months) do it stop or dont i im soo confused i sooo want to be free of medication :)

  1217. Nicola Says:

    Angela just curious which one are you on? I’ve tried nearly all of them. I don’t believe your anxiety will get worse if you come off the anti-d’s unless you believe it will. Anxiety tends to react to what you ‘think’ will happen rather than what is actually happening, if you get what I mean. Just an opinion though, I’m not a doctor, not that they know f**k all about anxiety. I’ve always been in control of my meds and what dose I take and the docs and psychiatrists are happy with that.

  1218. Rachel Says:


    Hope you see this. I too feel AWFUL the next day after just one glass of wine. It really stinks. I’m also single and dating so it’s tough not to drink a little on a date. I do think I’m allergic to it though, and you probably are too. I used to be able to drink a glass or two and not get hungover but now I can’t. And I’m only 32. I thought of getting tested for alcohol allergy but it doesn’t even really matter as I know how I feel the next day after a glass. I also don’t drink enough water so that plays into it.

    Try giving it up… you’ll feel better in the long run!!!

    Can I ask – does anyone meditate daily and find it helps with panic/anxiety?

  1219. Steveo Says:

    Hi Angela

    Try weaning yourself of them very little by little…

    Don’t rush it and good luck!

  1220. Doreen Says:

    Angela – doctors usually like to know if you have decided to reduce your dose or come off all together, just so they can monitor how you are. I hope that they would not want you to be on it for life.

  1221. Doreen Says:

    I have had a really good weekend, helping run the local arts festival. We have various events during the week and then open air event from Friday night to Sunday tea time. Music, food stalls, other stalls, children’s activities and the like. As an event manager I have to help keep stuff flowing smoothly and deal with complaints etc. No anxiety at all apart from having to address a crowd of some thousands at the end to thank them for coming. So back to normal now and still feeling ok.
    Possible problem in the next few days is
    a) I might fill the vacuum with anxiety again
    b) because I feel so ok I might feel more frightened if some of the anxiety returns as the contrast will be greater. Hope folks understand what I mean.
    However, I am also remembering that no matter how I have felt in the past months I have got on with doing things and will continue to do so. Looking at joining a couple of interesting sounding classes.

  1222. angela Says:

    hi Nicolam, i started originally on quitiapine about 300mg i think going back 2 years ago this was. i stayed on them because i was pretty bad when i had my breakdown. after a year i realised (after reading pauls book) that i wasnt actually mad or psychotic!!! this helped me to starte to believe i had just come to a head in my life (my bodies way of telling me STOP ANGE!! as i would never listen to my own body.. anyway i decided to reduce my meds as everytime i went to my (special) docs if anything bad and i mean remotely like i had a row on my 18 year old son etc (who doesnt) he would want to put my medication up!! i had had enough so i started reducing it myself i have reduced it gradually over almost 8 months down to nothign now which im glad about. i had a wobble and beleived i needed medication again recently. itss called Mirtazapine 30mg.. i hate it so have decided to come straight off it as ive only been on it a couple of weeks.. so that shouldnt hurt.. ive always had shxt in my life and never used medication. im not sleeping too well and they are giving me nasty nightmares.. so im going to try myself to get myself back to a balance as ive always done it before.. im not going to let my doc tell me any different this time. so as of today im officially off my medication…

  1223. angela Says:

    sorry about the spelling mistakes i type too fast and never check lol

  1224. Jimmy Says:

    Dont know if anyone have read my post a bit higher up in the blog. It was under moderation for many days so maybe no one read it

  1225. angela Says:

    hi jimmy, the jimmy who hasnt got anxiety would probably no that all the things he is experienceing are just down to anxiety.. but when in an anxious state it all seems far too bad or wrong to be anxiety,. i had a major set back after a long break and felt like oh no why me why again!! and then i started to do the “learned behaviour” that paul goes on about above.. i went straight back to me me me.. you have to just get on with it and let anxiety live with you until its just disappears one day.. i have still got anxiiety but i have really had enough of it now so im just getting on with my life as i have got far more important things to be doing that worry about all this… just do what you would normally do.. go to work etc the more you dont do the more your anxiety will grab a hold in my opinion.. i believe recovery is possible but i also believe you have to be ready for it.. and if not then another set back occurs to say to you slow down your still not listiening to me.. ive stopped so much since i first realised i had anxiety… i used to do everything for everyone now i phisically cant… (NOT A BAD THING) good luck… for me the more setbacks i had the wiser i became and the more i chereished the things that are right in front of me if that makes sense xxx

  1226. Jimmy Says:

    Deep down i know your right angela about just letting the anxiety be there and try to live your life as normal as possible. But the D.P really scares me, i feel like i will lose my identity. Like im about to be so confused that i dont know who or were i am. It feels like im not here if anybody knows what i mean? I keep thinking: what if im not in control of what i say or do, and the more i think of it the more it feels like i will lose control. Im scared that it will become something worse than D.P. and all my fears of losing control will actually happen. Can D.P. make you forget who you are or does it just feel that way?
    Im really worried about all this and i cant cath a break

  1227. Jorence Says:

    Hey Jimmy,

    Again, this is pretty much a matter of you constantly battering yourself with “what if” questions and if you have read my post earlier, looking for reassurance is great in a sense but it is also avoiding the major underlying issue, anxiety. You are going to be fine you just have to have faith in letting your anxiety live with you for now. Think about it like this: you have all these tools to help you cope with your anxiety, Paul’s book, community support. It is truly on you to do what it takes to live with your anxiety. Understand it, accept it, welcome it even, and say to yourself “Sensation I can feel your presence, but I can handle you” “I do not seek to oppress you, only to be comfortable with you”. In doing this you will confirm belief in handling your current emotional state and in time the more you accept your feeling the less frightened you will become of your sensation, the more your DP will dwindle.

    hope this helps :)


  1228. angela Says:

    the dp your experiencing is your bodies way of kind of shutting you off. so that you wont cause yoursielf anymore hurt for now.. i sometimes feel like i am losing who i am but then on good days im ok with it all and it dont seem so bad. i feel like im losing control sometimes like im on the edge of a panic attack. then it subsides and im ok again. its a horrible sensation and its very scary. you wont become something worse. trust what paul says and carry on beleiveing it jimmy. dig deep and bring back the person you are and if you feel you have no identity then you can make a new one 😉 i can relate to you so much as ive been on and off like this for a while now. i learn something new about myself every time i have a setback. and it makes me stronger. dp is a horrible side effect of anxiety. i hope this helps you x

  1229. Kelly Says:


    I sympathise with you. Dp is the most horrific thing. I think its the dp that gives me the anxiety and it’s a living hell.

    For me I feel like :
    Everything is unreal and looks fake
    I don’t feel part of the world
    Everything is dream like
    It makes me question life and existence
    I can’t feel any emotion
    I feel disconnected from myself and my family. Feel like I don’t even know myself anymore and those closest to me feel like strangers.
    I feel trapped and have no hope.
    Everything makes me anxious.
    Sometimes doesn’t feel like I am even here, it feels like a movie

  1230. angela Says:

    i felt every single one of those and when im in a setback i still do, but i know that when it passes its not real so i keep that thought with me and the way i see it is when i out of my setback i fine so its goto be just anxiety. otherwise it would never go away. i also no that when i was in a setback nothing anyone said to me made a difference? it would pass when it passed. i dont have control over it but when it comes im starting to realize that i can just get on with it now.

  1231. Debbie Says:

    Angela how do you do things feeling so bad though that’s what I find hard to understand? I just feel so awful, I’ve just sat in the garden painting a cupboard and now laying on the settee feeling so shaky and have terrible blurred vision, feel sick and actually feel as though I’m going to lose control and go mad! When I’m having a good day I can do things but like I am lately I just find it hard I can’t cope with the physical symptoms! x

  1232. John M. Says:

    Has anybody had a constant feeling where the throat seems to have phlegm in it and you try to clear it more than usual? I have been doing this since my cold a few weeks ago, and have been feeling better, but this throat irritation is there.

    I have had uncomfortable breathing for four months now and am wondering if this is a psrt of it and if my obsessive thoughts about the breathing can slow down to where I don’t obsess over them.

    Any advice to get me over this would be perfect! I need it!


  1233. Gem Says:

    Hi everyone,

    Just had a really good week or so and then today after having dinner with a friend, came home to my bloody anxiety. Out of the blue just like that. This frustrates me sooo much. Argh I hate feeling like this just totally saps up ur energy.
    John- I have that kind of too. It usually leads to me being sick. Think it may well be just another unpleasant symptom of our friend anxiety ( although right now if I could I would kick seven bells out of my so called friend). Blessings. X

  1234. lorryt Says:

    Hi Rachel

    thanks for your post. I have given up alcochol for a while, it wasnt hard, just weird, as i guesss i used it too much to relax. It was horrendous, i would wak e almost with a hangover really teary, down in the dumps etc. So best leave it alone, trouble is it seems i move from one thing to another. I have been trying to destress by swimming and walking, but i have this great sens of sadness when i walk back into my house????> my childrena re currently bickering the majoprity of the time, so when i do return from work , or have been out and get home they are arguing or bickering adn its getting me uspet and on edge. i am finding myself getting angrier and angrier and the only place i seem to find any escape is at work, and that is pretty hectic. i really seem to have lost control of all things at this current moment. i am not sure how to get my lovly normal world back on its axis, as it was for so long before. I felt so alive and free and easy.My hubby keeps aying i am depressed and to retrun to my gp for medication, but i hate the stuff!!. i want to be able to cope and use the methods i have learnt here, but nothing seems to be pulling me out. its really tricky again, and all i seem to be doing is moaning, and letting off steam here but not getting any results if you get me. or am i being too hard on myself. i do tend to beat myself up a lot about things.
    Wow, there are rather a lot of I’s in this. dont know what else to do, tired, fed up exhausted, confused. anxiety has a lot to answer for .xx

  1235. Clare Says:

    what is happening is everyone well today ,hope so I have been anxious all day
    Don’t know why , just finished work one more shift to do ,seems strange no one logged on ,I find it’s comfort to know someone else is like me ,not that I would wish this awful illness on any one anyway goodnight

  1236. Clare Says:


  1237. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    New post next week, I have been mega busy with things inc an app for the Android, hopefully I can contribute a bit more now I have a little more time.

    New post around the end of the week, hope everyone is well


  1238. Nicola Says:

    Paul I wondered if you could just answer a quick question for me, as a recoverer your answer would mean so much. I have learned to accept the anxiety, I have 100%, I have learned to accept the setbacks, and there are many. There are just two things I struggle with that I need to be reassured are just anxiety and that they will go once I am recovered, I just need that little spark of hope back.
    1) I am upset by the idea that I will never be able to travel and see the world as I cannot stand to be stuck with people (anyone) if I am not able to get away. I don’t like travelling in cars with people, for some reason I get paranoid and anxious. I can do it, but only for short periods.
    2) I have scary thoughts about the universe, but basically the problem is that I have had severe anxiety for so long that I ended up afraid of my very existence. It’s a feeling that existing just feels wrong, and that I’ll eternally be stuck in suffering. I know it sounds weird but the feeling is so strong that I seem to believe it. I feel depressed and so scared by these feelings. It gets trippier but I won’t write about it. I don’t do drugs or drink by the way.
    So did you experience anything like this or is there something worse wrong with me??
    Please reply Nicola

  1239. Clare Says:

    Nicola I know u asked Paul the question but just thought I would try to help
    do u remember what Claire weeks wrote ,it doesn’t matter what u think as long as udo it without fear .i know it’s really hard but it can be done ,I’m feeling anxious myself at the moment,dreading the coach drive to Southampton
    But what’s the worst can happen hope u have a good day

  1240. Sophia Says:

    Hi Nicola

    I have similar issues ..I feel terrible low..and feels like there is hardly any reason to feel good..I cannot move on..I am stuck in this state of mind..and this frustrates me..I watch movies, go shopping, but nothing makes me feel good!
    Above all, I have to make others feel that I don’t hate them for the mood I am in..

  1241. Clare Says:

    Sophia do u spend a lot of time on your own.i am worse when I have too much time alone ,this morning I had that awful fear feeling but as the day as gone on I have made myself get busy and feel a lot better ,r u taking any meds .i take two Prozac now and it has lifted my depression

  1242. Gem Says:

    Do any of u guys know where I can get a copy of the Claire weekes book. Has any1 on here read it and can recommend it. Thanx. X

  1243. Gem Says:

    Also can any1 recommend any herbal medicines to help with anxiety. Thanks again. X

  1244. Clare Says:

    Gem unshould be able to get one from w h smith they would order it for u if it’s not I shop .or any good book shop.i have had her book for over thirty years and it’s easy toread it’s as if she is sat talking to u Paul’s book is also very
    Good .dont know about herbal meds sorry

  1245. Gem Says:

    Thanks Clare. I will try there. Yeah I have Paul’s book, it’s very good. Just wish I would accept my anxiety and not fight it. X

  1246. Clare Says:

    jus ot in from work .gem in Claire’s book she says accept not fight and Paul says the same so it must work if we let it good luck ,

  1247. Clare Says:

    Nicola I really feel for u my thoughts arereallybad ,why do we scare ourselves
    my daughter is so confident ,she does,nt understand how we feel ,and she works in the very environment that help people like u and me.i always tried to make sure she felt loved ,but she doesn’t understand how i feel ,it’s a very
    Material world.i try to help everyone but it’s not always a good thing anyway
    It’s late going to bed goodnight godblessxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  1248. Nicola Says:

    Hi ladies, thank you for your messages. I can’t remember who mentioned Alan Watts, I think it was Clare, I bought one of his books, nice to know I’m not the only one that thinks the way I do. Strangely one of the things he says is what has been freaking me out, he says that all life in the universe is the universe exploring itself, it’s the same as how some religions explain us all returning to ‘the source’ to me it kind of sounds like there’s just one true being in the world and one day it will be only one again, sounds f**king lonely to me and it freaks me out, yet somehow everyone else seems to find comfort in this. I can’t get the thought out of my head that we’re all actually the same person! God that sounds stupid. There are times when I’ve had these thoughts that I’ve actually felt so bad I’ve wondered if I am in hell. Yet the world is so naturally beautiful, however I don’t want to be doomed to an eternal life without choice. Ugh, I can’t believe I’ve shared this but I could do with an outside view.

  1249. Kelly Says:


    In my view philosophers are just like us. People trying to find answers to life’s greatest mysteries. They come up with ideas and concepts but they are no more certain than any other person. People can speculate and say this and that all they like but really nobody knows for sure. Same as scientists they only know so much and their views and findings on things are forever changing.

    I think if there is eternal life it wouldn’t be anything like we have now. Many people have tried to work life out, the universe etc but can anybody really say 100% that what they say is correct? Probably not.

    I know how frustrating it is to have thoughts like these, i’d much rather just worry about the normal life ‘things’. I think in a sense it’s natural to want to have answers but this is one of those complex things that we will struggle to find an answer to.

    Hope this helps.

  1250. angela Says:

    i have just come out of a 3/4 month setback got progressively worse then it hit its peak (nothin happened) its like it gets to the stage in my head were i have to say thats it IVE HAD ENOUGH PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER ITS JUST ANXIETY. i think everyone is different, and deals with it different, what gets me through is beleiving that how i feel/think/act is not me and is not real and will go away. for example i written an earlier post and said how much i thought i didnt love my husband of 14 years i kind of latched onto it!! and worried and worried and started to beleive which led me to be a bit horrible to him and not care,almost like i had to which i beleive is (learned behaviour) which paul mentions, anyway lets just say im all good right now start my new job thursday mentoring in a secondary school (pretty empowering for me) and i love my husband and family and my mind isnt racing and im feeling good. im looking forward to my future, so it cant be real them stupid thoughts if they were surely iwould be DIVORCED by now trust me!!! i still get a bit nervy i think we worry ourselves sick about it hitting us again that sometimes it brings it on lol.. Oh and listening to a bit of jessie j and pink and a bit of pro green gives your mojo a boost even at 42 :) the more set backs i have the more confident i feel when i come out of it.. good luck to you all x

  1251. claire Says:

    Hi Kelly,late reply.. re Alan Watt’s I don’t feel able to sum him up he talks of things most cannot describe and I think he’l be a him!!
    have a nice Sunday everyone x

  1252. claire Says:

    Hi Nicola.. read a lot more of Mr Watts if your inclined…there’s no “one day” to come where we’ll all be one, everyone’s an individual as well, it’s the duality of it,I take it as we are all one already..implicitly, but we obviously experience life though our own individual consciousness..Though we are all obviously individual’s I like to think of life as something we are all in it together whether family,stranger’s friends or rivals,I don’t need a “me against the world”attitude because it’s born out of fear not love. x

  1253. Kelly Says:


    To be honest I read some of his stuff on a website and ended up more freaked out than before lol. Thanks though x

  1254. claire Says:

    No worries Kelly,
    His theories resound with me and quite a few other’s I’d imagine.
    simply put I take from it good attitudes,easier self acceptance,acceptance of other’s,change,death,true humour and that there really is no need for things like self pity or guilt..I’m just really glad you and Nicola checked him out so thank you xx

  1255. Nicola Says:

    Hi Claire I like your last message. I can live peacefully with that concept. I will continue with the book, he’s very interesting and deals with a lot of the things I have been thinking about xx

  1256. Nicola Says:

    Oh and thank YOU for the recommendation! Xx

  1257. Kelly Says:


    I think it is because I am in an highly anxious state about the whole death thing and worrying about death being the end :( so then when I read about his writings on nothingness I was freaked out to say the least :-/


  1258. claire Says:

    Nicola, I’m glad you are finding the concepts interesting. Kelly, I heard some of his tapes last year when i was still quite ill with anxiety;my head was so cloudy I couldn’t take much in but when you give yourself a break your mind will slow down again and you will relax and do things without having to drag yourself around, I was terrified of death,my own and other’s from the age of 3 to 25.
    Death is not something we will have to endure..
    It’s going to sleep and never waking up..scary?It wasn’t scary to wake up after never having gone to sleep was it?, which is being born..we were some part of the universe way before we were ever conceived that wasn’t painful or lonely or anything words could describe it just was as it will be in death and I think that’s both peaceful and mind blowing.. X

  1259. Kelly Says:


    The thought of going to sleep and never waking up does literally send me into panic though. I do now and again go to a spiritualist church to and some of the messages my mum and dad have got have been amazing to say the least, it is kinda hard to imagine anything other than this life tho :-/

  1260. claire Says:

    I do understand Kelly,
    we have never known anything else and we are not meant to..I think we should just learn and love as we live and further than that maybe there is no other point to life ;being here alive right now it it’s own point.
    What does your parents church teach?x

  1261. claire Says:

    Morning Folks,
    Does anybody know where Jo is?
    maybe she is having a break from the site? x

  1262. Doreen Says:

    Think Jo is having a break. Sometimes maybe reading other folks stuff is not always helpful

  1263. claire Says:

    Thanks Doreen, yes I agree it depends on your own state of mind whether something will help or not.x

  1264. Kelly Says:


    Basically that we are living in a material world and that when we pass away we go to the spirit world. Now I was very sceptical even after going for a few times but the accuracy of some of the messages they had is unreal.

    Everyone has their own beliefs I guess. I am very much open about it but some ideas freak me out a little more than others.

    To be honest although this is an anxiety blog and its the whole concept of death that scares me I’m not sure here is the best place to talk about it. I don’t want to run the risk of offending or upsetting anyone else on here with this talk because I think it is a bit of a taboo subject xx

  1265. claire Says:

    No, I too don’t want to upset anyone..
    I understand if you don’t want to talk about it, sometimes I just read your posts and want to comment.
    Hopefully there is people in your own life to talk through these things with if and when you want to x

  1266. Nicola Says:

    Claire and Kelly, sometimes I bring it up on here because I don’t know whether it is my anxiety causing the fear with life/death questions. It’s kind of a chicken and egg scenario. Am I scared because I’m anxious or am I anxious because this is s**t I should be scared of. This is the thing that I need help to discern. Off to CAT therapy now xx
    Yesterday Claire your message bought me enough peace for the day that I actually laughed heartily and truly enjoyed some time with my baby without fear in the background, a gift, thank you! Xx

  1267. claire Says:

    Nicola you are welcome that makes me so happy to know x

  1268. Kelly Says:


    I think the trouble is that nobody really knows for sure. Everyone can contemplate and guess but at the end of the day it is something that won’t be solved. It’s a mystery. That’s why there are so many opinions and views on it all because nothing is set in stone

  1269. Ronnie Says:

    Hi Paul,
    Hope your well.

    Having recently read your book I was struck instantly by the similarities that led to my own descent into years of anxiety. It was heartening to read that someone else mirrored my own circumstances and that I was not the only one.

    Since having dealt with this for over 10 years there have been many periods where it has subsided and I’ve Managed to get by. However getting by has all its ever been with no real confidence in my ability to counteract the devil if it so wished to return. At present I have been plagued by the onslaught of the very worst kind again. Feelings of dread, fear, over exaggerated emotional responses and in general a deep decent into a debilitating hell once more. I’m now aware of the WHY! However my problems don’t in fact emanate from any specific fear of place or person. With this I mean that I can go anywhere, it’s a struggle and I’m anxious no doubt but my overriding concern is simply about the way I feel. I can do most things and still try and get by but with no success with any respite in sight. My mind and thought are fixated on the interrogation of what’s happening to me again and the thought that having built up so many behaviours, memories and horrendous feelings that I’ll perhaps not manage to pull through and reach the peace and happiness we all crave. I’m not trying to force it although the continual reminders of my state are ever present which makes accepting increasingly difficult. I’m also aware that it will pass however I’m indignant that it has to be the correct way this time or I’ll be imprisoned forever more at the mercy of another episode which endures for an undisclosed time making life itself a living hell. Everything changes the second the anxiety comes back. The devil refuses to release me from its grip no matter how many times I “don’t do” my question I suppose is does the fact that no specific place or situation stops me from functioning mean that I can’t recover the way you teach?? Have I went to far into the subconscious for the tools you provide to ever make a difference. I have this time however faced and did the things that seem so meaningless to me with the thought that there building up in the background to give me my life back but with little respite or change in condition. I just wonder if I’ll be this emotionally unbalanced forever and that each episode will get more powerful. I’m resolved to doing things the right way this time no matter what. If I’m ever to have a life less this cruelty I know it’s the only way. I just wondered if my situation was any different from the normal anxiety you seek to cure. Any advice would be so greatfully appreciated.

    Many thanks

  1270. DCYL Says:

    Hi All,

    Been away for a little while and wanted to make a couple of notes:

    For the gals (Claire / Kelly / etc), I had read books about “past lives” and other things. An author (recommended by my friend, won’t mention here) talks about all of us as “spiritual beings”. The author is pretty good but given folks anxious states, I wouldn’t recommend reading. I’ve not read the author’s books in a while though read about him via interviews / etc.

    Relating to healthy eating, I was out most of the day for a couple of kids celebrations with friends. I downed a significant amount of juice type drinks + cake. I think the sugar did not help me as I was feeling fine then tried and started “sweating a bit”. Didn’t sleep great last night but I will work out a bit and that should help out. I usually don’t down that much sugar but learning lesson. :)

  1271. Nicola Says:

    Yeah I’ve read books about past lives, I came to the conclusion that it’s a crock of s**t. Memory is stored in the brain. As far as I know, whether past lives are true or not, you don’t take your brain into the next life with you. The people that write these books know most people have a fear of death so they write what people wanna hear, I might write one myself, probably make a fortune.

  1272. Doreen Says:

    Don’t know whether this will add anything to the debate runnin