Acting your way through anxiety

Hi everyone,

Well this will be my last post for a while as I am going on a 12 week retreat around Devon and Cornwall on Sunday. To be honest I did a mini one years ago and found it an excellent way to detox the mind. I just found being away from all the memories and stresses that seem to keep my anxiety ticking over a real help. It was like dumping everything in a bin and leaving it all behind. Speaking of this it leads me on to this weeks post.

I do use twitter and although it is a personal account I do add statements that I think will help people and last weeks got a massive response with people retweeting it and adding it as their favourite, the tweet was;

‘The worst part of my anxiety was trying to cover it all up and pretend to the world that I was fine, I learnt to stop caring what people thought”

I was also recently talking to a friend who suffered badly with depression and he said the same. The pressure to try and hold it all together, smile in the right places, plan things to get through a situation, analysing it after, thinking where it went wrong, trying harder next time to make it go perfect, thinking and planning inside with internal dialouge whilst in a situation. The list was pretty endless for me and was the sole reason I developed social anxiety. I was so used to having an awful time in people’s company and hating acting my way through that I started to avoid social occasions or people. If I was walking through town and saw someone I knew then I would think ‘Oh please don’t come over’ and if they did it was all about getting away, rambling at 10 miles an hour (must not let them notice). In doing this I had started to tell my sub concious that people and social things were to be avoided and it just carried out this order and saw them as something to avoid and get nervous about.

Well I spotted this cycle and realised I needed to stop it and that came through no longer making an issue out of going places or meeting people. It meant just putting myself out there and not caring how it went, if I still felt nervy and tounge tied then so be it. What was the alternative, to just keep on avoiding and making things worse? Again this was not easy, but as soon as someone asked me to go somewhere or do something, then I just did it and took all my insecurites and nerves with me. And I found without all the pre planning before hand, without the ‘watching myself’ and trying to act my way through it that things were better, still not great, but better and more importantly I was telling my sub concious that things were ok, we are not running away or avoiding people today. My life now was about opening doors and not closing them, I was fed up with closing them and if opening them brought some discomfort (which it probably would), then so be it, it was the long term I was looking at, not the usual short term ‘Safety behaviour’ the quick comfort blanket that brought so many long term failures.

A lot of people see anxiety as something that ‘we just have’ and that we just have to wait until it goes away . But a lot of it is self created through the habits we create. Every habit can be reversed and a lot of that starts with us and the way we approach things. I was stuck in bad habits for years and learnt to reverse them. I did not just wait long enough for anxiety to leave me and one day got lucky. It was a change in attitude and approach that brought me my rewards, a surrender to everything that was going on, no longer letting it control what I did and did not do, where I went. I did not become brave overnight, I just took small steps that turned into huge strides. Going back to the social anxiety, I was the same person with the same anxiety levels, yet one day I was making excuses not to go out, the next I was sick of my life and decided to now go and come what may. I was avoiding the feelings, not the people or the place, that is key to anyone who suffers with anxiety, you are always avoiding the feelings yet blame the people or the places suggesting it’s them that create it, so you avoid these people or places.

I will leave that for today as a lady from this blog passed me on a poem that I said I would place on the blog in my next post. It is about her recovery with anxiety and is really well written. To finish from me, I will keep people up to date on twitter about my trip and will have people to look after and moderate this place when I am gone and will also try and post when I can. I am also meeting someone from this blog on my travels so looking forward to that also.

Anyway here is the poem and remember stay positive and keep opening them doors 😉

From my bed where I lay

Thinking life was over

From the thoughts that came my way

Believing life was over

What demon had taken me

From a girl who loved life

To this empty shell

A scared, broken, mother and wife

Lying in silence

Watching and waiting

For the voices I thought

Would start in my head

Listening and waiting

Driving myself crazy

Oh God, no this is it

What is my mind creating?

I am now dead, I was inside

Nothing was real

Nothing felt mine

Numb without tears

Lifeless and fears

No love to give..

STOP this ringing in my ears

So fast came strange feelings

Terrifying panic

Is the sky falling down

This really is manic

Don’t want to be alone

I want to be alone

I’m feeling so so tragic

What must I do

What must I make happen

Searching for answers

So I can map them

Reasons for me

To know why I’m feeling

As weird as can be

This can’t just happen?

A racing mind, full

Of what ifs and maybes

This is too much

I must surely be crazy

My head is so full

So heavy and thick

My stomach, it churns cartwheels

I feel so so sick

Truth told, there really

Are no answers

You are here now

You have to be with your monsters

You have to go through

You will find your way

The best way out is through

At the end of the day

I thought I was crazy

Going mad, felt so unreal

These feelings I’ve met with

I can reveal

Will trick you and turn you

Til you think life has gone

But I want you to know that you can move on

Time

Little by little

Day by day

To bring you through

Do it anyway

That dreaded task

You just cannot do

Leads to another

Through and through

You just cannot do

So on, brave heart

A little at a time

And you will see that

You really can shine

It will take time

Step by step

Hour by hour

You will see yourself begin to flower

To face your fears

To go it alone

To see yourself through

Into the great unknown

That slight turn of thinking

No matter how small

Will lead you to greatness

No time left to mourn

To take that first step

For what you must do

Is believe in yourself

You really will come through

Your head hurts like hell

It’s swimming and giddy

Your eyes are all blury

Shocks through your body

No one will know

It is what you’re going through

They’re not to know

No one will know

Unless they too, have been through

A day, you feel fine

Oh great this has gone

To be awoken next morn

To find, back its come

A good day turns to two

And then to a few

And bang here it comes

hits you out of the blue

Never lost heart

This is what must happen

To find inner peace, to grow and to strengthen

We’ll learn from these times

Hey, I felt so good then

So I know that I will

Find peace, happiness again

So your will grows stronger

A little day by day

You keep moving forward

It has to be this way

For now at least

Feelings come and go

They won’t last forever

I want you to know

Those days will serve me

I’ll never forget

How bad things were

But you know, I’ll never regret

What happened to me

What’s happening to you

May feel like it just came out of the blue

But when you recover, you truly will see

What lead you to this great anxiety

You’ll know and you’ll see

Believe me

Now on with my life

I am now going forward

But how grateful am I

That I had fallen

I truly believe, sometimes we have to break

So we can fix ourselves up

with knowledge, understanding – How Brave!

So if you’re feeling right now

How I did back then

I give you my heart

And again and again

Will say to you onward

To take the first step

Nothing will harm you, there’ll be no regret

You will be so glad that you kept

Trying and trying

And one of these days

Your heart will start flying

You will say to yourself

I’m glad I never gave in

I did what I feared

Again and again

So on, brave light

And be on your way

To do what you must

Day by day

The glimmer of hope

You see shining anew

You know you can do this

From one who came through X

Paul

New Anxietynomore App

http://www.anxietynomore.co.uk/anxietynomoreapp.html

For more information about my book ‘At last a life’ visit www.anxietynomore.co.uk/the_book.html

For more help with anxiety visit www.anxietynomore.co.uk

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1,911 Responses to “Acting your way through anxiety”

  1. Monica Says:

    Yes! I love this one Paul. Habit…it’s what anxiety is. We get stuck in a habit of living and thinking… A bad habit at that! Not all habits are bad, but anxiety is just a learned bad habit which we can break!

    Have an amazing trip Paul. You deserve it!

  2. Jo Says:

    Hope you have a great trip Paul, as Monica says, you deserve it.

  3. Doreen Says:

    Ditto.

  4. Michelle Z Says:

    Awesome poem!

  5. Candy D Says:

    Beautiful poem, I needed to read that…Thank you:)

  6. Bret Walters Says:

    Poem is fantastic. Beautiful. Have a great trip Paul. Thanks for saving my life! :)

  7. Sally Says:

    Thanks for the post and the poem Paul brought tears to my eyes as I am in a bit of a setback at the moment after a few really good weeks.Have a lovely trip beautiful part of the country X

  8. kelly Says:

    Amazing poem…. Explains just how I feel in words

  9. Ola Says:

    Wish you a wonderful holiday Paul! Look at the stars every night, and listen to the silence… :)la

  10. angela Says:

    just what i needed for some clarity.. feeling a bit better… im in a major setback ;(

  11. Doreen Says:

    Good luck to those in set backs. Been a bit of the way down that journey myself over the last couple of weeks – not nice but not forever

  12. Jo Says:

    Doreen, I am a bit that way myself just now. I have been doing better the last couple of weeks, no panic attacks at all, just general anxiety. But woke up feeling really anxious this morning, shakes came back and the sickness, although I am not sure if that is nerve based, or the problem I have with excess acid. Feeling a bit calmer now, but I keep wondering if it will ever end, and if I’ll ever be me again. I should know that I will because I got back before, it’s just so hard to convince myself I’ll get there again. x

  13. Doreen Says:

    Hi Jo – so glad to hear from you again even though you are feeling rough. As the poem says above, two weeks can be ok and then swoosh – it’s back again. But the ok 2 weeks are real and I am sure you are gradually on the up. It certainly reads like that from your more recent posts. xx
    Suggest we stay communicating in this stream and leave behind all the differences of opinion that were going to and fro the last few days

  14. Doreen Says:

    Hi Jo – welcome back. see you have suggested going onto the May blog and I had thought that myself too. Leave behind some of the differences of opinion in April and make a fresh start. Sorry you are wobbly today. As the poem says, it can be two good weeks and then a set back. That sometimes saps my confidence but then I remember that the better days seem to be almost normal now so maybe the dips are more obvious too.

  15. Debbie Says:

    Another rough day, seems to be getting worse so a day to practice what Paul says to do. Got my family coming for roast later can’t let them down I know they will be looking forward to it!
    I feel to that it’s never ending I feel as though I’m going round and round in circles I just can’t seem to break it ive got the shakes and keep swallowing, it’s hard to accept when u feel so awful.x

  16. Jo Says:

    Thanks Doreen, I should be used to it by now but sometimes I just get sick of feeling unwell. It would be wonderful to wake up and feel great!
    I made myself go out for a walk with hubby and the dog, and we sat on a seat overlooking the beach for a while, it was really hot in the sun, then very cold in the wind when we started moving again. x
    Debbie, sorry you are having a rough day again, but just try to let it wash over you and carry on. I know it’s hard when all you want to do is curl up in the settee. I am going to sort out my art materials now,and see if I can find some motivation there. x

  17. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Thanks for all the messages, I am just setting off now and will try and get back to the blog when I can.

    I left the recent debate to everyone as that is how I saw it and nobody said anything offensive to each other. Everyone is allowed their opinion on certain matters and I just left everyone to it without adding my thoughts. One thing I do not allow is perosnal attacks and as it never got there and people have put it behind them, then we move on.

    Paul

  18. angela Says:

    can anyone relate to this feeling of complete dread dont the mornings would help.. it gets better throughout the day? i am constantly goign on at my husband what for i just dont no? i am a bit insecure aswell and i never used to be.. i have horrible thoughts run through my head i no they arnt real but even so they arnt nice.. my head hurts there is so much stuff im thinking about.. can anyone else relate this..
    oh and the meds thing. ive used them and not used them. and i have been on them for two year (first time ive ever took them) and they havnt done a thing for me.. i still have anxiety not as bad but only cus ive read pauls book..

  19. Zoe Broadbent Says:

    Hiya :),

    That poem was INCREDIBLE and brought tears to my eyes. As an ex sufferer I am always saying I went through Anxiety for a reason I have no regrets what so ever! I am living my dream I am ME again and stronger for it!

    Love to everyone!

    XxXxXxXx

  20. Doreen Says:

    Whoops – appear to have written twice to Jo. Thought the 1st one hadn’t posted so wrote again. Glad Paul is ok about the differences of opinion.

  21. Jo Says:

    Yes, glad everything is ok again on here. Two messages, twice as nice Doreen. I have put a bit in the coffee shop too.
    Not feeling too bad now, just done a very poor sketch and thinking about getting lunch on.
    Angela, read some of the old posts and you will find some of us have bad mornings too. I think it is just part and parcel of anxiety/depression.
    Zoe, thank you for reminding us we will get better.

  22. angela Says:

    its very wierd as on week im ok and the next week im absolutely terrible!! today i feel better than yesterday and im nervous about toomorrow lol i cant win.. i have had this setback for a couple of months now.. and i cant seem to get out of it. its extremely depressing as i dont want to feel like this, im not depressed or fed up but this is kind of telling me to if that makes sense to anyone? i dont like bieng like this i hate it. i have come along way since i first suffered with anc xiety :) but absolutely hate it when when it comes back. i no what to do as i have the tools and have read the book but its the racing thoughts and studpid irrational thought and all directed at my self or my family!! so i start doubting my 14 years marraige etc. i dont no what to do anymore other than go back andread the book again :( as this time i am baffled as its cought me at a time is just wasnt prepared. and ive got so much important and exciting stuff coming up too :( thanks for the advice and support this site is fantastic :)

  23. Jo Says:

    Angela, it is an awful thing to go through, and we all understand how you feel.There is no understanding why it happens to us it just does, don’t drive yourself crazy trying to find that answer. Just take one day at a time and try not to think what will happen tomorrow, or what happened yesterday. I know it’s not easy. Yes keep re reading the book, that’s what I do, when I feel I need some help.

  24. Debbie Says:

    Just taken the dogs for a walk in the woods but come home feeling terrible, doing the normal stuff makes me feel worse, I don’t think I can be strong anymore. Don’t think I should post for a bit as too negative, people want to read feel good stuff and positive. I’ve tried to do what people suggest so keep on saying I’m not good makes people think I’m not trying, but I have I’m just all tried out. x

  25. angela Says:

    by the way that poem is amazing i might even write it down and keep it in my bag close to me :)

  26. Jo Says:

    Debbie you don’t have to not post because you feel bad. We are here to give support and no one thinks badly of you. I am struggling today too, don’t know why. I just want to get on the settee under my throw with my dog and as soon as lunch is over that is probably what I will do. You can’t be strong 24 hours a day. I have been awake on and off since around 2am, so maybe that is why I feel so ‘off’ today. If you are not sleeping well either, it will make you feel worse. You have been stressing about making things nice for your family, haven’t you? I bet you have been trying to appear ‘normal’ Go back up the page and read Paul’s post. You are probably trying too hard. Go easy on yourself. x

  27. Mark R Says:

    Hi Angela,

    I think we’re in the same boat as I seem to have a day where I am okay then a day where I am rough, it’s been that for over a week now. Very frustrating to say the least. As Matt pointed out in the last post it’s better than having just bad days, which is what it was like in the past.

    I’ve been in this setback for three weeks now but it’s seems like forever, it’s horrible. I have to say though the panic attacks have stopped now and the high anxiety. I just have a low grade crappy feeling. I also have the morning dread as well, think Claire weekend covers this in her books.

    All the best, Mark

  28. DCYL Says:

    Hey All,

    As Matt noted a few days ago, there was another book that he liked and I also picked up. Per both books, I have been working on focusing on various things to take the focus off of myself and doing pretty well. I’ve fallen in love with editing movies on my computer so doing some sports highlight clips a well as doing other stuff.

    However, I was a little tired yesterday and played some basketball with guys I know. One of the guys started talking about something in the news to another guy and I think it mildly set me off though I was ok. Maybe I was tired as I saw myself “self checking” again afterward. I spent the evening watching some TV and editing stuff so it helped me a bit.

    For anyone struggling, I hope you are well. Paul’s book and methods are good and the book Matt suggested is pretty much the same thing but perhaps worded a little differently. Worth looking at if you want some additional support.

  29. Mark R Says:

    Which was the book Matt suggested?

  30. Rachel A Says:

    Have a lovely trip Paul and thanks for this post!

    DCYL – what’s this other book you speak of? I tried to find Matt’s post but couldn’t!

    Hope everyone is doing okay :-) Seems to be a lot of setbacks at the minute – I’m also experiencing one and feel quite emotional. But hey, surely we’re all seasoned pro’s by now?! It gives me strength when I think of this site and the fact that we are not alone and everyone on here offers great support.

    I often go back to Paul’s book when I’m having a bad spell, and also read back through some of the older blog posts. It’s very helpful :-)

    ‘Its not about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning to dance in the rain’

    xxxxxxxxxxx

  31. ginger797 Says:

    ZOE i would love to hear about your anxiety journey:)

  32. DCYL Says:

    All – my comment with the website / book Matt mentioned is under moderation. Matt got it posted up but I forgot how he posted. When Matt sees this, he can post it the way he did originally.

  33. Matt Says:

    The website for the book is dpmanual.com. The author mainly talks about Depersonalization. It’s a lot like paul’s, except that he goes into detail about different DP symptoms and for me, he went through the exact same symptoms that I did, so it was nice to see someone that suffered the way I did and come through. It’s a good read, and very positive. Again, the only difference is he goes into more detail about what DP is and does a really good job about explaining the condition, so much so that I got instant relief from reading certain parts of it. His webpage looks kinds fake, but ignore it. He also has a good amount of testimonials.

    As far as how I am doing, well I feel pretty much recovered over the past four days, no weird thoughts, anxiety, DP, anything. Just been keeping busy and focusing on my life. That’s the real solution. When I had bad DP I couldn’t focus on anything at all, but that was the problem. I had to allow it to be there while focusing on life outside of me. Slowly things became more and more real again and when I have the odd feeling or thought I can just laugh at it because my brain is healed enough to where I think it’s back in it’s normal state. I can’t even really recall my worst DP bouts, it’s like it’s erased from my memory. It’s weird, but in a way, I’m glad it is erased, but I don’t forget the way I felt through it though, that will never happen. I’m back to my happy, goofy self and can talk to people and do everything that I used to. Nothing scares me anymore or phases me either, that’s a huge positive from getting to the other side. I mean, when you go through what we do, come out on the end, what can really scare or phase us? Which in turn has allowed me to express my opinion more, be more assertive rather then passive, and hell I don’t have fears of asking women out anymore because again, I went through the worst. It’s like a new sense of freedom that I don’t think anyone can truly grasp unless they’ve recovered. It’s like a prisoner getting out of jail who was incarcerated for years. I guess it would be comparable to that. The freedom is that I got my life back and feel so good that it should almost be illegal, lol! But anyways that’s the website and hope everyone is doing great!

  34. Jo Says:

    Morning all. Matt – great to hear you are feeling so well, long may it continue.
    I am up early with the anxiety stuff again. What to do at 4am when you can’t sleep and there is nothing to do but think? I stuck it as long as I could but have had to come downstairs in the end.I think maybe the coming trip to York is playing on me a bit, which is silly because I was ok in London, not great but ok.
    I’m not sure if what I’m feeling is DP or not. It’s not like the heavy DP I had in depression, just a sort of vague feeling that I’m not really me anymore, not quite part of everything. It’s really hard to describe. It scares me. On the good side I haven’t had any panic attacks for a while, so maybe that means things are starting to settle, or am I clutching at straws. x

  35. Doreen Says:

    Hi Jo-sorry to hear you are having troubled mornings. Most of my days start with waves of anxiety as I drift in and out of almost wide awake dreams and I make myself get up to break the pattern. My main curse is that when I am feeling ok I search around for an anxiety provoking thought just to test whether it is still there or not. And bingo – of course back it comes. How stupid is that? Fortunately the more real things I have to occupy my mind the less I am inclined to do that. We just have to persevere at getting on with life and know that it is possible to come out the other end. When are you coming to York? We are going there today for rather a rotten reason actually. My elder sister (71) had a hip replacement in Harrogate on Wednesday, was discharged on Saturday although she lives alone. Yesterday her foot went cold and dead and she is now in York with a suspected clot in her artery. And I go into hospital tomorrow for my gall bladder to be removed. Hey ho.

  36. Bill Says:

    Hi,
    I don’t know if this is the place to write this or not but here goes… I have read Pauls book and been doing CBT as well and a lot of times in the book Paul talks about facing your fear and just going out and doing things, well I’m starting to wonder if I have something differnt than the anxiety he’s talking about as on the whole I don’t have a problem going out, that’s not what makes me anxious I just seem to feel anxious a lot of the time (but not all the time) no matter where I am!
    The thing that bothers me the most is that nearly all of the time I have this sort or awareness in my head, kinda like being aware of being aware? it’s really hard to explain but it’s like, say…. if I was talking to somebody I would be talking to them but also be aware of this other thing in my head like I am wathching myself at the same time, or if i’m thinking about something i’m aware that I’m thinking and not just freely thinking, it’s like constantly going around saying to yourself “I must not forget, I must not forget” or “I must not let this go, I must not let this go” I hope this makes sence as I said it’s hard to explain but it’s this constant awareness that makes me anxious. So I just wondered was this just part of the anxiety cycle? I’ve had this about 6 times before in my life and it’s always came after a period of stress or worry but it’s always went away usually when I found something more interesting or important to focus on! like a new hobby or the like but something that really taxes my brain.
    To be honest i’ve really just had enough of it and I just want to rid myself off it for good, once and for all!! Now I have had some bad anxiety with it this time but after reading Pauls book and doing some CBT I have to say, it seems to be helping by just telling myself to let it stay there if it wants to and let the anxiety and panic come as it can’t harm me as it’s only a feeling! So if Paul or anyone else can shed some light on this, I feel it would help me a lot to know that this is just part of anxiety or GAD or whatever and that others have experienced the same type of thing or something similar and I am not going mad, as I am worried that maybe I have something different!

  37. Jo Says:

    Hi Doreen, we do daft things don’t we? I test myself with ‘how do I feel today’and I already know the answer. I am sorry to hear about your sister, I hope that gets sorted quickly. There is no wonder you have waves of anxiety with that and your own operation to contend with. You must take it easy after that, have you someone to look after you?
    My Mum was in hospital for about 6 months after a couple of problems last year. She couldn’t even get out of bed let alone walk, and was 90 but the doctors insisted she must go home. She lived alone too. They said she would have to stay in bed and have extra carers. She was in a confused state and we tried to tell them she would try to get up but they wouldn’t listen. needless to say she did try to get out of bed, and was back in hospital the next day. It just makes you wonder doesn’t it?
    We are coming to York next Monday till Wednesday, just a short break.

  38. Doreen Says:

    HI Jo – hows about carrying on the chat about York on the coffee club page? I will pop something on there now

  39. Rachel A Says:

    Jo – not sure if you have read Claire Weekes book (Paul mentions it in his book) but there is a great bit about morning anxiety. She basically says to get up as soon as you can, have a shower and a nice cup of tea and maybe listen to some cheerful music or go for a walk. The main message is to accept and don’t be discouraged if you have a bad morning. A difficult morning need not mean a difficult day.
    I have at times had to literally drag myself out of bed in the morning even though I felt sick to the stomach and not sure if I could last through the day. Just getting out of bed and going about my normal routine has really helped.
    It seems as though when I wake up I can’t just snooze in and out of sleep anymore as once I’m awake my mind starts going into overdrive with anxious thoughts etc. Reading has really helped as it takes my mind off things, although I sometimes have to re-read bits as my mind wanders off with anxious thoughts!

    xxxx

  40. Jeff Says:

    Great post Paul! During my worst months I felt like an echo, just going through the motions day in and day out, “phoning it in” as they say. But I never stopped doing my normal activities even when I felt like a shadow. I acted my way through and am better for it now. It’s great advice, and very true; it all comes back eventually. Your book and this site did a great deal to carry me through that period, and I will be eternally grateful. Hope you are well, and hang in there everybody!

  41. Sophia Says:

    Hi everybody
    I don’t have anxiety symptoms other than constant rumineration or mind chatter which is there on the backdrop 24/7. They are not scary but are constant negative thoughts about me and my life..I can feel the world around moving fast and enjoying life,but I cannot njoy myself..

    I am not able to correct myself where I am going wrong..I feel pathetic..it’s like I should worry ..as I could see only reasons..how do I retrain my mind to be rational and not attach emotions to each and every thought..I am overly emotional for even insignificant things or otherwise I would only interpret things that way where people, things are all difficult for me and I can’t escape the picture from my mind..

    If I tell my mind it’s anxiety it only feels I am fooling myself..
    It sounds silly I know, but I feel somewhere I lost the road to recovery…:(

    Any words of guidance appreciated…

  42. Monika Says:

    hey guys,

    been doing okay, but lately I’ve had these fears of schizophrenia…I fear I’ll start hearing voices or seeing things. So now every time I see a little thing out of the corner of my eye or something I convince myself I’m losing it…anyone else have this? I’m just like hyper aware of everything and it’s really scary! How do I deal with this :( I know I am not schizophrenic, but I fear developing it :'(

  43. angela Says:

    hi could anyone tell me the claire weekes book please :) and any others that have been mentioned..i have my main bible pauls book lol but any other help would be appreciated thankyou xxx

  44. ginger797 Says:

    Hi all…Has anyone tryed Panic Away Program?? does anyone know what there method is????

  45. Jo Says:

    Hi Rachael A. No I haven’t read that book, but I do all the stuff you mentioned, some days it works some not. I have had really dreadful time this morning. It was almost a flash back to the depression. Vomiting, shaking, very strong DP. I felt like I was losing my mind.I was on the verge of needing to go to hospital. I keep having these episodes of feeling like I have been unconcious, does anyone else get those?
    I managed to get showered and go for a walk but I still feel shaky and on the edge of losing it. Didn’t have a very good day yesterday, so maybe it was building to this. I really hate this again, and feel like the only way I will be free of it is when I die. I don’t want to live the rest of my life feeling so frightened.

  46. jackie Says:

    Hi everyone,

    Just wanted to say thank you to everyone for your kind words about my poem. I said to Paul if it even only helps one person then I would be very happy.

    Angela, apart from Paul’s book, the other two I read which were a great help also were two of Claire Weekes books, Self Help For Your Nerves and More Self Help For Your Nerves. They, along with Paul’s book, for me, were all I needed to get on the right path. Also four main very important things to try and get right are Diet, Routine, Exercise and Sleep.

    Also, every symptom everyone has talked about here, even on this new blog I had and I had them really badly. But here I am now doing everything I did before and more!! and am so much stronger now too. You can come through this, keep on following Paul’s advice, read his website and all his blogs over and over if you have to. It may take a while to sink in and get yourself on the right track, but once you are on it I swear there is no turning back :)

    Wishing everyone well xxxxJackie

  47. jackie Says:

    Another very important thing is your attitude you have to your symptoms. Try and develop a “So what” attitude. (My saying was “Meh” lol, picked up from my son :) . At first you won’t mean it, you may just say it or think it but won’t believe it, but over time when you have, say a panic turn or a negative thought or any other symptom, you will actually not care and you will say to yourself and mean SO WHAT!

  48. jackie Says:

    ..I really should have put this all in one post lol, but other things that helped me.. were getting out and about. I am very lucky with where I live, lots of lovely beaches and nature walks and if you have anywhere you can go, like a walk through the woods or parkland, just somewhere you can be in nature where you can really take in the world, that helped me an awful lot to get out of my own head. Somewhere away from hustle and bustle to just sit or walk a while, it really does refresh you even if, like me, was a bag of nerves just getting there!

    Another thing that someone told me was a half smile!! Your body communicates to your brain and if your walking around slumped over and frowning then that sends messages to your brain that all is not right. So stand tall (even though you won’t feel like it) and put a half smile on your face. It sounds crazy but it actually does work. Don’t do a grin like a cheshire cat lol as this will tell your brain you are acting false, just a small half smile and get on with your day. xxx

  49. Jo Says:

    Thinking of Doreen today, hope she is ok. It can’t be easy for her.

  50. Bill Says:

    Hi,
    I don’t know if this is the place to write this or not but here goes… I have read Pauls book and been doing CBT as well and a lot of times in the book Paul talks about facing your fear and just going out and doing things, well I’m starting to wonder if I have something differnt than the anxiety he’s talking about as on the whole I don’t have a problem going out, that’s not what makes me anxious I just seem to feel anxious a lot of the time (but not all the time) no matter where I am!
    The thing that bothers me the most is that nearly all of the time I have this sort or awareness in my head, kinda like being aware of being aware? it’s really hard to explain but it’s like, say…. if I was talking to somebody I would be talking to them but also be aware of this other thing in my head like I am wathching myself at the same time, or if i’m thinking about something i’m aware that I’m thinking and not just freely thinking, it’s like constantly going around saying to yourself “I must not forget, I must not forget” or “I must not let this go, I must not let this go” I hope this makes sence as I said it’s hard to explain but it’s this constant awareness that makes me anxious. So I just wondered was this just part of the anxiety cycle? I’ve had this about 6 times before in my life and it’s always came after a period of stress or worry but it’s always went away usually when I found something more interesting or important to focus on! like a new hobby or the like but something that really taxes my brain.
    To be honest i’ve really just had enough of it and I just want to rid myself off it for good, once and for all!! Now I have had some bad anxiety with it this time but after reading Pauls book and doing some CBT I have to say, it seems to be helping by just telling myself to let it stay there if it wants to and let the anxiety and panic come as it can’t harm me as it’s only a feeling! So if Paul or anyone else can shed some light on this, I feel it would help me a lot to know that this is just part of anxiety or GAD or whatever and that others have experienced the same type of thing or something similar and I am not going mad, as I am worried that maybe I have something different!

  51. Debbie Says:

    Good luck to Doreen hope all is well.
    Jo you sound like I feel hope you feel better soon, when are you going to York? x

  52. Bill Says:

    Lovely poem Jackie and well done.I am desperateley trying to change my thoughts,i am getting a lot of like head shocks which totally freak me out,i find when i get in the car i am tensing up to what might come and guess what,bang it comes.I just feel as if i am going to crash the car,this is stopping me moving forward,i know Joshua gets these and to think he drove across America,amazing,if that had been me i would have been that tense you could probably have broke me in half.Hope you have made the final steps to recovery Joshua.Any other comments would be welcome,Bill.

  53. Bill Says:

    No pun intended,obviously crashing the car would stop me moving forward.

  54. Jo Says:

    Hi Debbie, All being well we go to York on Monday. Hubby nearly shredded the tickets saying it is too much stress for me but I wouldn’t let him. I made London and my son said I was better there than at home, so I’m going to do my best to make York.Have just been to town and had coffee with my two men, and feeling a bit better now. Hope you are coping. It’s terrible when anxiety gets it’s claws into you. Before I went out I had a listen to a sample of Dr Claire Weaks’s cd on Amazon. That woman was well in front of her time, she knew more about anxiety/ depression all those years ago , than a lot of doctors do now. It is worth listening to.x

  55. Jeff Says:

    Bill… that was really funny:)

  56. marcb Says:

    Hi all, My recovery is going well, im feeling pretty good about things! I realised today one of the most important things we all need, something that at first I didnt have but now have in abundance, that is ……PATIENCE. Please dont be in any rush to recover/feel better, I know thats a hard thing to do when youre feeling like s__t, but I truly believe it is so important to take your time, “let recovery come to you” as paul would say. Wake up, do your thing, go to bed! Take care everyone. Marcb xx

  57. Zoe Broadbent Says:

    Hi GINGER 797,

    E-mail me on zoebroadbent@ymail.com and I’ll send you my story! :)

    xxx

  58. Debbie Says:

    Glad you are being positive about York, it’s funny how we get in a stew over something knowing we did it ok before, bit like the dentist you dread it but when you come out you think I don’t know why I got so stressed it wasn’t that bad! You know you will be fine but I know it doesn’t help you stop stewing.
    I’ve had a better day today I’ve got a lovely pond near me very large one so I took the dog and walked round it watching the ducks it was lovely, I sat on the bench and soaked up the sun.
    I’ve been worrying over a wedding cake im making for saturday week, I’ve got to make three rose sprays and hadn’t started them, but this afternoon I sat and made eight so Im feeling pleased with myself, I’ve acheived something today and I enjoyed it which is brill.
    Will have a listen to Claire Weekes funny I was thinking of digging her book out this morning! x

  59. Michelle M Says:

    Monika

    hi, that is one of the things which causes my anxiety. I have worried about that on and off for the past 5 years. Some months I feel like taking myself to hosp to be sectioned but guess what…nothing ever happens….I never hear voices, never see things (sometimes even too scared to look in the mirror lol!!). It really is what we all know it is…BLOODY SYMPTOMS OF THIS ANXIETY. I only seem to get all these worrying thoughts now for about 3 days per month (time of the month) for some reason. Most of us have had them. They are awful and so time consuming. I just live with them and while I am having my good weeks, cant even remember how bad I used to feel.

    They are getting easier for me and I am sure they will for you. This is one of the MOST common symptoms of anxiety. Gosh i should know cos I spend hours googling this! :0(. You will be fine Monika. We really cant all be going schizophrenic. I am sure I will be looking for some reassurance in about another 2 weeks. I know mine is mostly hormone related now and there is nothing I can do about it (I think?).

    All the best monika and here if you ever need a chat.

    michelle x

  60. Rachel A Says:

    Jo – Glad you have decided to go to York, I bet you have a lovely time. I think getting away from your usual surroundings for a few days can be really refreshing :-) The Claire Weekes book I have is called Self Help For Your Nerves and is really good, very much the same advice as Paul’s and the way its written is really friendly. When I first started reading it I was amazed at how accurately she was describing how I felt! You’re right though, she was so ahead of her time. I love her audio book too, she’s got such a funny little Ozzie voice bless her!

    I realised that with morning anxiety that its so important not to let it overwhelm you. It’s so much easier said than done but it does become easier. Every morning I look in the mirror when I’m putting my contact lenses in and give myself a big smile and tell myself not to be too hard on myself if I feel anxious and think weird thoughts, just to let myself float through them and accept how I feel as I’m not going to feel this way forever!

    Jackie – the poem is fab and thanks for your posts, its so inspiring to read about people’s journeys with anxiety and to see that we will all come out of this on the other side stronger!

    xxxxxx

  61. Lucy Says:

    Hi everyone, wondered if any of you could help me on something which I’m not sure of.
    Whenever I feel anxiety starting to set in, I usually come on here & read some of the posts which really helps knowing I’m not the only one going through this horrible thing! I’ve been alot better since reading paul’s book, but what I’ve found is that you all seem to get your anxiety at it’s worst in the morning, whereas, mine, is at night. I feel fine in the mornings but, as soon as I get into bed, I lie there & that’s when all the thoughts start, really scary ones! I also worry that I’m Going to be sick, which then makes me feel sick which in turn makes me worry even more, why I’m so worried about being sick I don’t know? Should I carry on & stop myself or is that avoidance behaviour? If I let myself be sick am I then classed as ‘ill’? Sorry for the weirdness of this, it’s just such a hard thing to explain! Xx

  62. Monika Says:

    Thank you so much Michelle.

    Yes, it has always been my #1 fear. I know I don’t have it, but I always fear developing it! it’s so stupid I know and then I make myself believe I really am going crazy. Gah, stupid anxiety cycle. JUst makes the days really hard, ya know?

    THanks again Michelle. <3

  63. Jo Says:

    Thanks Debbie and Rachel A. Debbie – it sounds as though you had a better day yesterday, that’s great, I am so pleased for you. I know just how hard it is to do things so well done. x
    Rachel – I have ordered Claire Weeks’s book. I have great difficulty in the mornings, sometimes the fear does overwhelm me but I am coping a bit better this morning. x
    Lucy – I do a lot of sickness in the mornings, but my nights are more relaxed, so I’m afraid I can’t offer advice there, except to say that anxiety causes problems at any time of the day. I wake up around 5 most mornings and the vomiting can last a couple of hours. Sorry I can’t be of more help. x

  64. Nick Says:

    Hi everyone,

    Hoping for a little bit of “relationship anxiety” advice from anybody who has experienced anything similar. Since October, after a good few months of a more or less fully recovered mind, silly bouts of worrying sent me back into the worst spiral of obsessive thoughts yet, and they are still coming and going. A month or so back, it was my birthday and I got bought a lap dance by my friends, i told my girlfriend of 3 years this, and they all told their girlfriends about their dances too. My girlfriend was not happy which is fully understandable. However once this had cleared up i started getting rushing thoughts about a night a year and a half ago where i was in a club and was dancing with a much older woman, nothing more than flirting, and she ended up locking lips with me for no more than 2 seconds! Obviously I was appalled by this as I never wanted it to happen! I never told my girlfriend this, and as I was recovering from anxiety at the time, I found it hard but the anxiety and guilt eventually went away to the point where i could think “im kind of glad that happened” as even though it was so minimal, it made me realise that i shouldn’t flirt with anybody else.

    Anyway, to the main point, the thoughts about this night back then are horrendous! Thinking things like “you CHEATED”, “you don’t love her”, “your perfect relationship track record is lost forever” etc etc. These thoughts are obviously eating away at me. My mum and dad know about it and they laugh it off saying it was nothing and that i should stop thinking about it…difficult for somebody with anxiety thoughts like i have right? I will never tell her this as after the lap dance incident that would be it! I haven’t and will never do anything like flirt with another female! I love my girlfriend beyond words! I just hope somebody can reassure me and give me any tips on accepting these thoughts…

    Thanks guys, hope you are all well.

    nick

  65. Jo Says:

    Hi Nick – I think you should take your parents advice and stop worrying about something minor that happened in the past.Live in the now, and concentrate on your relationship now.Everyone makes mistakes and you have learned a valuable lesson from yours. You will probably make worse mistakes than that in your life. Try to put it into perspective. Nothing really happened.You don’t say how old you are but I am guessing you are only young. Don’t let such a silly thing cloud your life. Mt husband used to be a freelance photographer and on New Years Eve when he was out photographing the fun, he often got kissed by young women. It has never bothered me and it really shouldn’t bother your girlfriend. After all, how do you know she has never done anything similar. Anxiety blows things all out of proportion Nick, try to let go of it and get on with recovery. All the best.

  66. Doreen Says:

    Hello folks. Had my operation yesterday and managed ok despite my terror of GA’s. Had a very bad experience many years ago and it put me off. Have had spinal’s since then but it was not possible to do this op with one of them. Actually felt very relaxed when it was all over and slept much better than I have in a long time. Probably the drugs but so what. Now at home with some pain and a very swollen tummy but still ok. Many thanks for your good wishes Jo and Debbie.

  67. Jo Says:

    Hi Doreen, I’ve been thinking about you. Glad you are home and hope the pain soon goes away. I am absolutely terrified of ever having to have a GA. Take care. xx

  68. Nick Says:

    Thanks Jo,

    After mulling my post over, I think I have got to keep remembering the basics…my mind is over tired through months of letting thoughts get to me. When my mind was resilient last year, it could overlook this issue in a second. I have just turned 26, my girlfriend is 21, so we are still very young in a relationship sense! The funny thing is, she did have a guy try and kiss her and she did tell me that but i was absolutely fine with it! I guess just seeing her reaction to the recent thing blew it up that’s all! Great reply Jo, thanks again. Now to be patient until my mind gets strong again!

    Nick

  69. Mark R Says:

    Hi all,

    I have had a few good days where the high anxiety has subsided and I am left with a low grade apprehensive feeling and DP. Not ideal but better than being stuck in my room terrified and having panic attacks constantly.

    I came across this poem earlier today, its about depression rather than anxiety but I think we can all relate to the feelings:

    I walk down the street.
    There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
    I fall in.
    I am lost… I am hopeless.
    It isn’t my fault.
    It takes forever to find a way out.

    I walk down the same street.
    There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
    I pretend I don’t see it.
    I fall in again.
    I can’t believe I’m in the same place.
    But it isn’t my fault.
    It still takes a long time to get out.

    I walk down the same street.
    There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
    I see it is there.
    I still fall in… it’s a habit
    My eyes are open
    I know where I am
    It is my fault.
    I get out immediately.

    I walk down the same street.
    There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
    I walk around it.

    I walk down another street.

    For me the holes represent the episodes of anxiety I have suffered in the past and my current setback.

    Someone who posted it on the messageboard actually wrote their own relationship to it which seemed pretty interesting. I have pasted it below but I took a lot of heart reading about when she was recovering she fell into holes.

    “This poem most often reminds me of my own recovery from depression. The holes symbolize the hopelessness and despair I used to feel when I was in the darkest part of my depression.

    It describes so well how depression felt back then. It felt like I would never get out of feeling this way. So when I read about being in a hole and not being able to see a way out of it, the words resonate with me.

    I now understand why this would be so.

    I have learned that when we are in a specific state (i.e. depressed, energized, even feeling sick), it is very difficult to experience a different state. In fact, if we project our thoughts into a future event, we typically take our current state into that image. Then naturally enough, we feel discouraged. Our current state colours that future event.

    But what I wanted to share with you is what happened when I started to recover. Even when I was making good progress, I would still fall into a hole.

    Yes, that’s right. It felt like Day One… like the deepest hole I had ever been in!

    Even in my recovery, I fell into “holes”.
    What I didn’t fully see at the time was that while the hole went just as deep, I didn’t get stuck there as long. And remarkably, the holes were getting farther and farther apart.

    Unless, you understand this, you are in danger of assuming that you are getting worse when in fact, you are experiencing a normal recovery!

    Thankfully, there came a time when those deep holes were a thing of the past. And while I recognize that life events can conspire to put one in front of me, I know that if I fall in, there’s a very good chance, based on the joy in my present life, that I won’t stay long.

    I wish you well on your journey”

    Anyway hope everyone is well and recovering nicely.

    Mark.

  70. Teresa Says:

    Well done Doreen and hope you feel better soon.
    Jackie – you say that you experienced lots of what we discuss on here. can you tell me if you ever found yourself ‘over reacting/exagerating’ ordinary ailments. I was doing quite well with my recovery and then i had a back injury – the injury is healing nicely however my fear of every ache and pain related to it is creating anxiety which is causing me to react emotionally towards the problem. I am trying my best to move foward, including more things in my life and getting up with the best intentions – but my fear of this never leaving me and me continuoslly looking for help with it are swamping me some days. I suppose my real fear is how do i know when i am well? It’s sounds so silly – but as anxiety can mimic the symptoms its frightening me.

    Jo – good luck inYork – I am sure it will improve you no end the confidence you are building is creating good memories for you , it has helped me no end in the past.
    Well done Diane – a good day and some succesful work done. I’ve just been out and walked the dogs around the duck pond too!

  71. Debbie Says:

    Hi Doreen glad to hear your home recovering and all went well take care of yourself x

  72. Teresa Says:

    sorry Debbie – I put Diane and ment Debbie.

  73. Jo Says:

    You are welcome Nick. Patience is the key,and something anxiety sufferers need to learn.

    Thanks Teresa, I will try to make the trip a success. I think you will just know when you are well. Take it easy and let time do its thing.

  74. jackie Says:

    Hi Teresa

    Yes I did. I had a trapped nerve at the top of my leg for a while and it would ache every time I walked, even for a little distance. My doctor told me it was a trapped nerve, nothing to worry about, and would send me to the hospital for treatment for it. Well, over the next few months whilst I was waiting for the appointment to come through, I, in my head, turned this into a blood clot in my leg!! I even went to A&E one morning, not that it particularly hurt more that day, just the thoughts racing round my head that I had a blood clot, it would spread to my lungs etc etc. Well I got in to be seen, the nurse looked at my leg and said something along the lines of Where is the problem, why do you think you’ve got a blood clot, there’s no signs here at all of any such thing!!!” To say I felt a fool is an understatement, but at that time, I didn’t know why I was worrying so much, I didn’t realise it was all my anxiety. I learnt to separate what was an anxiety thought and basically to just let it go. It is hard to do, but when I started with the worrying, I said to myself, right here you are worrying again, you know there is nothing seriously wrong with you so I’m just going to let it go. Eventually, it did just go away. So, acknowledge that you are worrying about your injury again, know that it will leave you eventually and carry on with whatever you are doing, or need to do.

    Jo is right, you will just know when you are well again. I used to think the same thing, how would I know, but it does creep up on you, the more you get on with your life as you would if you didn’t have any anxiety, the more normal life comes back to you.

    Hope I’ve helped a little, Jackie xx

  75. Mark R Says:

    Sometimes I cant take the up and downess anymore. Ive had a fairly good day but then was in tears on the way back home in the car and I;ve been crying ever since. I just want to be able to relax and enjoy life again.

  76. Teresa Says:

    Thanks Jo – I tend to have an exaggerated response to some pain, normally when I feel I need to find an answer or a reason – it then becomes very difficult to know what needs addressing and what doesn’t as I have to distract myself to try and find out if the pain is ‘real’ or just hyped up by my emotions. You are right about letting time do its thing though. I am considering a trip too, but the fear of taking this with me is inhibiting me. I am sufficiently down my journey to know when my attitude towards it is, I have improved so much… and will continue to improve that it improves life so much, but when I have a pain that frightens me I then start homing in on it and the thoughts become I will never get away from this/I am not going to get better everything gets a lot worse. i suppose the answer is there – always look on the bright side of life, lol.
    Good luck with York – I am sure it will be a success, I have been all over with anxiety and it was always the waiting to go was the worst, once I arrived i would forget myself and have a good time – sometimes the attention would be on myself but it would always get distracted and I would end up having many good times. Enjoy yourself.

  77. Teresa Says:

    Jackie – thank you so much. yes it does help a lot to know someone who’s been fooled by the pain. I have had this happen with a tooth extraction 2 years ago too – i used to worry how will i know when to stop assessing the pain. It was difficult as the pain kept on for a while after the extraction – it was only when I would find myself doing something and the pain disappearing for a while that i realised that the anxiety was hanging onto the pain – the more involved with things i became the more it left me and in turn i stopped worrying so much about ‘it’ – eventually my old anxiety symptoms would return and I would just get on with them. I feel so knowledgable about the whole subject and have come so far regarding a lot of things but this trying to ‘fix’ or find out when I am recovered has become an issue. I know physically i am so much better and that i am improving – but the anxiety hypes up the remaining pain when I’m not thinking straight.
    Your reply has been helpful and I really appreciate you coming back to me. Thank you. I will try to follow your advice.

  78. Charlotte Says:

    Hi all, loved reading all the messages of support for each other on here. I discovered Paul’s book a few months back after I developed severe anxiety after a break up, which thankfully has now got alot better. However I’m really struggling with the depression side of things. I feel confused how I should be tackling this, as the anxiety was almost practical but depression…im at a loss! Is anyone else in this situation where they are or were tackling both issues, or do you put it all under one ‘umbrella’ as Paul says? Any advice really appreciated.

  79. Carlie Says:

    Didn’t realize there was a new blog entry up! I’ll read it after I post this comment.

    I’m feeling kinda weird. It started last night after I exercised, I just felt kinda foggy… which I don’t really deal with as much anymore. For me, it’s mostly just feeling strange or not feeling like myself at this point. But then today I’ve felt really tired and sorta foggy, just kinda out of it I guess. Like there’s a pane of glass between me and the rest of the world or something. I’m trying not to let it scare me, but I keep thinking “What if this is permanent and I’m stuck this way forever?” It’s like I never learn… right now I just feel REALLY tired and almost dizzy. I could just be getting sick or something, but my mind is taking the anxiety thing and running with it. I think this is similar to how I felt several months ago, and I can’t figure out why it suddenly hit again out of nowhere.

  80. Jo Says:

    Carlie – I am feeling like that at the moment. I have been awake ages again so had to get up in the end, but whilst sitting here I started to feel really strange and dizzy. I felt pretty good last night, almost normal again so it is a bit of a let down to feel like this again. I just try to hold on to the thought that it will pass, as it always does. I don’t think there are any reasons it happens, it just does. By the way, I don’t think you should exercise at night, you need to be unwinding and relaxing then.

    Mark R – I know how you feel, I get that too. We just have to hang in and keep going as best we can. Sorry I’m not much help, but i’m feeling pretty rough myself.

  81. Carlie Says:

    Jo, I really shouldn’t have said “last night”, because it was actually around 5 PM when I exercised! But you’re right, it’s better not to do anything too intense late at night. I’m glad you can relate and it’s definitely frustrating that I suddenly feel this way again, although at the moment I’m feeling better. Earlier it felt like I wasn’t totally awake or something, but I know it will pass. I’ll just try to accept it and keep on living my life as normal as possible. I should be starting summer classes in two weeks, so I’m really hoping that takes my mind off of this.

  82. Will Says:

    Hey everyone, hope you’re all doing ok.

    Carlie – I have something like that whenever I exercise too, which is why I barely exercise anymore beyond walking. Whenever I exercise, I begin to feel a bit lightheaded. And then, this might sound silly, but I don’t know what to do with my breathing. I’m thinking: Should I breathe faster because my heart’s beating faster from the exercise? Or do I slow my breathing down to stop me panicking? What I tried to do was just focus on something else (the TV, etc.) and breathe naturally.

    Anyway, there was another reason I posted here; I have a bit of a dilemma. A friend of mine has asked me if I want to go to Alton Towers at the end of the month. I love theme parks and I’ve been on big scary rides before, but nothing as extreme as Alton Towers, and now I can’t help but think about how my anxiety will be. I get all these thoughts like “it’s not for the faint hearted… what if I’m now faint hearted?” and “you get an adrenaline rush on these rides… what if I take the adrenaline in the wrong way and have a panic attack?”
    What I WANT to do is go anyway, enjoy myself and face up to these niggling thoughts to prove them wrong and – hopefully – conquer them. But I’m too worried about whether or not I’ll faint, be sick, or have a panic attack. As stated earlier, nothing like this has never happened to me before so it probably won’t happen anyway, but I wish I wasn’t so over-cautious and worryful.

  83. Lucy Says:

    Will – my boyfriend & I have just booked up to go to Alton towers in October for the weekend, we do it twice a year! I’ve found that since having anxiety I am slightly more worried about going on the rides now to what I was before I had anxiety, & am usually thinking ‘oh god, what if I’m sick?’ I never am! I always end the day there feeling happy & very tired, it’s a long day, you get good exercise & a massive buzz. If you are sick, so what, so are a lot of the people there, & so what if you have a panic attack, nothing bad can happen to you! Go & enjoy yourself, theme parks are a good way of releasing some excess adrenalin! : )

  84. Teresa Says:

    Bill
    I realise it is a worry to make the decision, and once you make the decision you will worry about it – but when you actually go it is such a fast paced place your attention will be taken off yourself. Personally I don’t think you will notice your adrenaline on these rides as you will be focused on the moment – it will be exciting enough to entertain your brain. It is the quiet , dull times that keep the thought machine going. Personally, i would go – you will enjoy the visit, be distracted and on your return will have revealed your anxiety for what it is which will help towards the road of your recovery. hope that helps (I am talking from experience)

  85. Will Says:

    Thanks, Lucy and Teresa. You’re right, I’m most likely just giving these thoughts more respect than they deserve. I’ve often backed out of doing wild things “in case something happens”, so maybe this’ll be a good chance to stand up to it and just have fun. Thanks again! :)

  86. Jo Says:

    Will I know just how you feel but I would say go and enjoy yourself. If you feel you can’t do the rides on the day, then don’t.Just enjoy having gone there. I had similar feelings when I went to London last month. I agonised over to go or not and on the actual morning I was throwing up and shaking for England. I was so anxious about the underground because I don’t like that at the best of times, but it wasn’t as bad as I had imagined it would be. It is the FEAR of it that causes the problems, not the actual doing it. The trip didn’t make me better but it did show me that it is what we imagine in our heads that is the enemy, not life and living. If your friend knows how you are suffering he/she can help and support you. I think it is so important to not hide our fears from our friends, it just makes things harder.
    I have a trip to York looming on Monday and stupidly I am apprehensive about that even though I know I can do it.

  87. Jo Says:

    Carlie, glad to hear you are feeling better, so am I now I have been out for a walk with hubby and dog. I have given up trying to work out why this happens or that happens, I just try to accept that it is just part of what is going on with my nerves right now.Mornings are always my worst time, but I suppose the good part about that is I know I will feel better later :)
    I’m sure summer classes will be good for you, they will be a distraction.

  88. Matt Says:

    Carlie…I those were the last symptoms for me to go with DP, which I can say I am recovered from, thank god! It sounds like you are almost there too, the thing with feeling weird and like a pane of glass between you and the rest of the world is I allowed it to be there, without question. And it went away, eventually through patience. Now, I don’t have the weird feelings or pane of glass or anything, in fact since I have gotten my emotions back I can watch a hallmark commercial and be in tears!! LOL!! It’s like it’s been so long since I felt anything, that I now I feel everything! A friend was telling me a sad story about something that happened years ago, and I started to tear up because I could connect with him, and couldn’t while in DP land. He looked at me like it wasn’t that sad, but I just said oh it’s my contacts. I too am exercising again, working out, lifting weights, and sore as hell, lol. It really sounds like you are on the home stretch now with DP, so don’t question it, allow it to be there and it will be gone soon, promise.

    On another note, I have been up all night and haven’t gotten any sleep whatsoever. My mind has been racing, not about anxious thoughts, just in general. I believe it has to do with my caffeine intake, tonight I was hanging with some friends and must have drank about 2 pots of coffee by myself. I feel so wired that I can’t even sleep at all. I’m sure that’s the reason, but I have a busy day today and it’s really gonna suck with no sleep. I’m going to cut out caffeine altogether out of my diet except a cup here and there early in the day because it is affecting me too much at night. I quit drinking too, so that might have something to do with it. Anyways, hope everyone has a great day!

  89. Teresa Says:

    Jo – you are doing fine and as you say – you know the trip will be fine its just the ‘thought’ of it that creates the anxiety. Thoughts are thoughts – something I have to learn again at the moment, they may present themselves in many guises/symptoms but that’s all they are. we will defy them! lol

  90. Jo Says:

    Thanks Teresa – always good to hear from you.
    Doreen – if you are reading and not posting, hope you are recovering well.
    Matt – certainly cut out the caffeine but not abruptly or you will get headaches.Paul has a page about foods to eat or avoid for anxiety, have you read it? Glad to hear you have got rid of the DP. I will be pleased when I get to that stage.

  91. Jo Says:

    Don’t forget the coffee lounge everyone, if anyone wants to chat about stuff not related to anxiety.

  92. Mark R Says:

    Up one one day and down the next, sitting crying in n car as I feel do awful

  93. Teresa Says:

    Mark – it can be hard, I really feel for you and know the emotions you are feeling. But not everyday is the same and things will bet better, like Jackie’s poem says, bit by bit things improve and you will get through this. It just seems awful at the moment but you will not feel the same even in a couple of hours. You are not alone. Take care.

  94. Doreen Says:

    Hi Jo – not feeling so good today. Think I was still enjoying the benefits of the pain killers when I posted yesterday but by evening was very shaky and sick. Having a long rest today and reading a good book. Have put something on coffee lounge re York

  95. Jo Says:

    Hi Doreen, I’m in the coffee lounge. x

  96. Debbie Says:

    How do u get on the coffee shop?

  97. Debbie Says:

    Whoops coffee lounge not shop!

  98. crystalG Says:

    Hello everyone I’ve been dealing with anxiety for 6 years now, anxiety plays a big role in my life, I just want to ask does anyone deal with heart palpitations? From there anxiety.

  99. Teresa Says:

    Lol Debbie – i was wondering that too. there used to be a link on an old thread but not sure about it now.

  100. Teresa Says:

    Doreen – i really hope you feel better soon. Have been thinking about you today.

  101. Charlotte Says:

    Hey Jo what’s the coffee lounge link?

  102. Matt Says:

    Well, more good news for me…I went to take an entrance test for a nursing program and made a high score on it, so it looks like I am accepted and start in october. I’m pretty stoked about it and would like to thank paul and the website for giving me my life back and the opportunity to be able to live my life again.

  103. Doreen Says:

    Re the coffee lounge – when you first click on the link to the blogs scroll right down to the bottom past all the previous blogs and you will find the coffee lounge.

  104. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    I have just found some internet access and things are going great down here. I just want to remind people not to place any links in their posts, even if they are non profit, as the spam filter will just take them into spam folder and the people who are moderating in my absence will just delete them.

    Also to finish the dp book from the site has now been mentioned enough as I don’t know or have read this material and it is not a published book then it is right on the edge of what I will let through.

    The reason is that someone connected with the site could now or in the future come on here and start plugging it whilst pretending they have noting to do with it, I am not saying this has happened so far, just that it could and it keeps getting brought up even after numerous reminders.

    Thanks Paul

  105. James jones Says:

    Hey everyone. I have suffered anxiety twice in my life. First when I was 18 which lasted 6 months then again at 21 which lasted 13 years and counting. Both were started by ear related symptoms and since the seond time I worry all day every day about my left ear. I have beat every phobia eg. Small spaces, going to work, driving etc by taking them all on but can not seem to get the ear feeling to leave. I have been told by someone to look up Harold n levinson. Apparently he discovered a link between the inner ear and anxiety OCD panic etc. has anyone else ever suffered with ear problems etc or heard of this guy. I googled him and he wrote a book on the link between the two so I’ve ordered it to have a look. Not sure whether I may have an inner ear infection or this is just a Common part of anxiety to obsess about ears etc. cheers

  106. Jo Says:

    Hi all. To find the coffee lounge, go to the list of monthly blogs and scroll down to december. Click on that then scroll right don the page till you come to the coffee lounge and then click on the comments. if you then add that to you favourites bookmark you will find it easily next time.
    Matt – congratulations, well done.

  107. Debbie Says:

    Jo have tried to do what u say to get on the coffee lounge, I remember it was on Decembers but I’ve gone on there and can’t see it now, has anybody else tried and found it or am I really going mad?

  108. Teresa Says:

    Absolutely brilliant news Matt – congratualtions, another inspiring member of the blog. seriously, we realise what it takes to get to that point. very well done!
    James jones – I get one sided ear problem with anxiety, to be honest i went to the doc once with it and he said mild imflamation – i accepted it it went only to come back , and fore and fore… to be honest it normally comes when i have little else to worry about so i sort of accept it as nothing now. Don’t worry about it – or at least try not to and it will die down.
    I hope to find the illusive coffee lounge tomorrow – lol, perhaps we need sat nav.

  109. James jones Says:

    Why when i accept it though and ignore it it moves onto other things. When i accept the new thing it goes back to my ear. Flippin nightmare

  110. Mark R Says:

    Good news Matt, well done!!

    I managed to turn a crappy day of stress and tears into a good evening. Enjoyed playing football tonight for the first time in 3 weeks. Also had to dig jn hospital for two hours as my friend broke his ankle. Ironically being in the hospital was the most relaxed I’d been all day. Think it was because the attention was on him and not me.

  111. James jones Says:

    Hey teresa i need some advice. The ear thing makes me swallow and unblock it while messing with the nerves. Its become a real bad habit now that i find it hard not to do it. The bit im struggling with is that when i accept it does that mean i should carry on unblocking,swallowing etc and not worry about it or should i try not to fiddle with it. When i try not to do the compulsion i end up stressed from fighting it which pauls book tells you not to do but a cbt therapist told me that by keeping doing it its keeping my anxiety going. Someone please tell me the answer as it seems to be the only thing holding me back.

  112. Charlotte Says:

    Hi all, (Sorry to repeat this twice but my first post took a while to get moderated, and was missed :( ) Loved reading all the messages of support for each other on here.
    I discovered Paul’s book a few months back after I developed severe anxiety after a break up, which thankfully has now got alot better.
    However I have been really struggling with the depression side of things. I feel confused how I should be tackling this, as the anxiety is practical but depression…im at a loss! Is anyone else in this situation where they are or were tackling both issues, or do you put it all under one ‘umbrella’ as Paul says? Any advice really appreciated.

  113. Jo Says:

    Debbie, you need to go to December 2007, sorry didn’t make that clear before.
    Does anyone have the feeling of muscle weakness and a strange feeling in the chest when feeling bad. Is it fear? I get it nearly every morning, and sometimes it goes on till late afternoon/early evening. Also sometimes I feel like I want to scream and i’m scared I’m losing it. And then other times I feel almost normal.

  114. James jones Says:

    Does anyone know if hynotherapy would be a good way of stopping the obsessing about my ears or do i just need toi accept it? Has anyone on here had any success with hypnotherapy???

  115. Charlotte Says:

    “When you worry about something, you are using your immense power of imagination negatively.
    You are imagining the worst, and as you imagine the worst, you are bringing it to you.
    When you are excited about something, you are using your power of imagination positively.
    You are imagining the best, and as you imagine the best, you are bringing it to you.” – The Secret

  116. Christine Says:

    Hi James, I had a few sessions of hypnotherapy and she was very nice and it seemed to help at first but then I think she got a bit frustrated with me and I stopped going. Probably depends who you go to – I’d definietly get some recommendations first. I think the ear thing is a big part of anxiety as it seems that a lot of people on here have suffered with ear problems.

    Charlotte – Mine started with anxiety and then I got depressed and low because of that so yep I know how it feels – it’s awful – but I think it can be linked and they can feed off each other. I re read Paul’s book because that really helps me.

    Jo – I get that problem all of the time – the feeling that I need to scream and it freaks me a bit, but again it’s just anxiety playing its tricks, I think it’s a lot to do with the frustration!

    Hope everyone is well and has a great day! XX

  117. Doreen Says:

    Re the Coffee Lounge – I just click onto the link which brings me to these monthly blogs, then scroll right down to the bottom of the page until reaching December 2007 and there is the coffee lounge.

  118. James jones Says:

    I think the problem is that i dont know whether the message is stop messing with it and as paul says ” do nothing” or fight it which paul says to ” give up the fight” the messages are contradicting and this is the bit thats holding me back. Somebody please help as it driving me crazy. X

  119. Jo Says:

    Thanks Charlotte, I guess I knew that really but just needed a bit of reassurance that I’m not going mad :)

  120. Jo Says:

    Sorry I should have put sorry Christine…..maybe i am losing it after all :)

  121. Doreen Says:

    Hi James – a number of thoughts – hopefully one of them might hit the spot.
    Given that you always return to this anxiety would it not be possible just to allow it to be there in the background – almost like a radio and live with it rather than fight against it?
    I have tinnitus at night and for a time did let it make me tense and anxious. However, I now listen to other things when it starts to dominate, such as the wind blowing or the clock ticking.I know that noises can be very tension inducing particularly when they seem to be inside your head so maybe listening to a noise outside may be distracting.
    I have a totally wacky anxiety to which I return which first started with a major anxiety episode 10 years ago, so I do know how that feels. I revisit it on a regular basis but eventually it loses its grip. I tell myself that this is anxiety talking and there is in fact nothing to be scared about.

  122. Doreen Says:

    Hello Jo – yes indeed – the old muscle weakness. Think it is tension which does it. I take deep breaths and that seems to help. There is no way you are ‘losing it’ whatever that means. You are a lucid person who is having a really rough time but still finds it in herself to support others.

  123. Teresa Says:

    Hi James
    Have you tried not interfering/swallowing – you may find the urge is really strong to start with but ti will die down over time. Firstly have you had a satisfactory explanation which satisfies you it is anxiety that will help a lot, then once you have the ‘this is nothing to worry about’ conversation you need to say to yourself this is nothing to worry about, there is no physical need for me to interfere with my ear. If I swallow too much, so be it – its not going to harm me, if i give in and occasionally clean my ear that’s not a problem either – as time goes by it will get less and less. I have had very obsessional things like this and have overcome them – normally with me it takes someone to convince me there is nothing wrong and then i have a hard few days of, ‘you know there is nothing wrong, leave it alone’ and then over time it drops off. Hope that helps.
    Jo and Christine – yes i too get that when its at its peak, also a lot of crying which is normally a release. I think it is an indicator of your ‘bottling up’ –
    Hope you all have a good day.

  124. Jo Says:

    MarkR, that’s great you have had a better evening. It shows it is our preoccupation with our own condition that keeps us in the vicious circle. Well done.

  125. Helen Says:

    Hi James,
    ‘Do nothing’ and ‘give up the fight’ are the same thing. You have an issue with your ears at the moment so accept it, do nothing, don’t spend hours looking on the internet and don’t worry if you swallow to get rid of it, eveyone does. This is anxiety, pure and simple , you aren’t going to find a quick fix so stop looking, you have to live with it for a while.

    All the best
    Helen

  126. Jo Says:

    Hi Doreen, must have missed your post earlier. Thanks for that. We all do what we can don’t we, but sometimes I just feel so weak that I can’t get out of this fear fuelled unreality. x

  127. Charlotte Says:

    Thanks Christine, the book helped and continues to help immensly with my anxiety. I’m now able to get out the house more on my own without worry. I even drove to see a friend last night, though I felt totally weird the whole time especially in conversation. Does anyone else find it hard to socialise? You’re just worried about what they think about you the whole time-Like Paul experienced.
    The depression is more than likely an offshoot from the anxiety, but also me dealing with my loss.
    I’m hoping to apply the same techniques that Paul teaches with depression, althought it’s hard when you know he’s talking about anxiety. Almost off my medication now, as Doc said to come off it. Guna be a hard week adjusting!

    Jo-No problem. It helps me to read uplifting quotes like that. I always have to re-read them (I always forget).

  128. Charlotte Says:

    Oops I sorry I saw your correction-the quote is good though :)

  129. Jo Says:

    Charlotte, I feel weird most of the time and only seem to have a bit of normality during the later part of the day. I find it very difficult to chat to people, and just want to get away as soon as I can. I think that depression and anxiety are very similar, and so Paul’s teachings would probably help you. I suffered severe depression some years ago and was on anti- d’s for some time. You will be ok coming off them as long as you do it gradually which I presume your doctor has advised. Yes the quotes are very good :)

  130. Charlotte Says:

    Jo- I have the same, though my anxiety is always there, i’m managing it alot better by not focusing on it. My weird times are morning and like yours late afternoon. The socialising thing is hard, but I try and remember what Paul says about riding through the weirdness. Yes you might feel panicky or weird, I stutter, have short answers or appear distant-but whatever! The more you do it, the more confidence you’ll get. I found after I saw my friend n feeling odd, I felt a sense of achievement that I had done it despite how I felt.
    Yeahp I’ve been coming off the tablets gradually, and tomorrow is the day I stop. I don’t feel much different off them, only a clearer mind.
    What’s everyone doing today? I’m going to try and tear myself away from daytime tv and motivate myself to go for a walk :S

  131. Jo Says:

    Charlotte – You are going in the right direction, and you sound very positive. We have just had lunch and will then be taking our dog for a walk on the beach, hopefully the sun will still be out. Go on, go for that walk, if you’ve got sun it will do you good. x

  132. Charlotte Says:

    Jo, I try! ha. I had my doctors appt this morning and he asked how I was and burst into tears. I’m not great, but just trying to find the positives and things to work towards to get my life back. I’m only 26, and although have suffered with this from time to time in 10 years, I don’t want to let it rule my life before it’s barely started.
    You’re walk down the beach sounds lovely, I walk down my beach often. Dogs are amazing comfort in times like this, very jelous you have one :) until then it’s just me and the cat.

  133. Jo Says:

    Charlotte you are still very young and I’m sure you will beat this. are you on your own or do you have someone to help you?
    My dog is such a comfort, she often snuggles up beside me on the settee. But cats can be good too. When I was having a very bad time with my depression, the cat we had then used to sit on my knee for hours, as if he knew I needed him. Sadly he dies some years ago and the cat we have now comes to me on her terms!

  134. Monica Says:

    Yay Matt! That is amazing news ! I remember coming on here months ago and you seemed okay, but a little lost with the dp and now you’re doing wonderful. Patience and perseverance are key! I hope to be in your place one day. Good luck xx

  135. Charlotte Says:

    Jo I’m quite lucky, I still live at home so I have the full support of my parents. Though sadly I had to give up my job a few weeks ago,because of the condtion, 2 months on sick pay but I knew it would take a long while for me to get better and didn’t want to string them along. Dogs are so intuative, sounds like you have some lovely one. They all seem to have their own little personalities don’t they. My cat is quite outdoorsy, but when he does come in, he always comes up to my room and curls up next to me.

  136. Jo Says:

    It is good you have your parents Charlotte. I have my husband and son (33) who help me a lot. It is a shame you had to give up your job but the right decision I think. This condition is hard enough without the stress of work too.If you want to chat about stuff other than anxiety/depression, just to leave it behind for a while, try going across to the coffee lounge. It would be good to get more of us across there, it gets a bit forgotten, and sometimes it is good to chat about anything other than our problems. I keep popping across there every now and again. x

  137. Charlotte Says:

    That’s great you have your husband and son supporting you Jo. Family are so important in times like these. I was very much used a life of friends, holidays, shopping, discussing guys with girlfriends so it’s been tricky adjusting to my new life of gardening, and helping mum n dad out with odd jobs just to keep busy, but i’m looking forward to the day that changes again. It was the right decison to give up my job I think, as you say the stress of having to get myself better, to go back to work was too much. Do you work at all? I must check out this coffee lounge everyone is talking about :) Hope everyone is enjoying the sunshine today, Vit D is a great mood booster! x

  138. Jeff Says:

    Charlotte, you had mentioned depression in an ealier post. I have recovered from anxiety but still experience moderate bouts of depression. The two are definitely related. I believe that I have been experiencing depression for several years, and the anxiety came with just the right “push.” In my case that “push” was a bad break up and all of the changes and strangeness that came with it. So I can relate to and sympathize with your situation a great deal. The depression came on a few years ago due to our relationship beginning to fall apart. When it finally did, it was as if my head shattered into a million pieces. My anxiety and depression were, and are, situational. It may help you to know that the anxiety has gone away. It was the worst six months of my entire life. It took time, rest, and patience, but it went away. I hope that’s a comfort to everyone: knowing that it can go away. The depression is lingering, but the clouds are starting to lift and I’m beginning to see a way forward for my life. My plans and hopes were taken from me with the break up, but you begin to see in time that life doesn’t end here, and there are many roads open to you now. Rest. Don’t push recovery and don’t struggle against what probably feels like the worst thing in the whole world. Struggling makes it worse. It will go away in time; if I can do it then anyone can:)

  139. Charlotte Says:

    Jeff, those are some of the most comforting words I could have heard right now-thank you. Your situation sounds almost identical to mine. My break up was just over 2 months ago, and like you, my low mood was already simmering for a while, and when ‘it’ happened my world shattered, that huge void you have no idea how to fill again, and everyday seemed the same. The anxiety now has made a marked improvement on what it was, it took over my life but the depression is very hard to shake. As you say (and my CBT therapist)..it takes time and patience for recovery. I must remember this because naturally at times I just think ‘come on, aren’t you done yet? I want to start enjoying things again’. Unlike the anx, I struggle and fight the depression, i’m scared if I dont, it will get worse. Perhaps the mind needs time to sort itself out?
    So the way you started to see the clouds lifting again with dep is you just rided it out, like the anxiety, no major lifestyle changes or anything? x

  140. Teresa Says:

    I read a review about a book on depression – it said that it was a temporary retrenchment, it was a breathing space in which to adjust to a better life. The book was ‘sunbathing in the rain’ – it maybe not everyone’s cup of tea and is more the author’s story than a self help book, personally i thought it was good.

  141. Joe P Says:

    Hello everyone, just popped on to ask about something which is confusing me, i seem to get a lot of random worry thoughts about really random trivial things throughout my days, for e.g. i’ll will make a opinion on something like i don’t like that book, then my head sometimes instantly has a worrying reaction to these thoughts like, “do you really think that and what about this aspect, this makes it good” which makes me feel as if don’t have an opinion and makes me feel more empty. Its as if my mind wants to constantly over thinks little things, its really annoying at times. I mean before i had general anxiety, which seems like forever ago now little things like making decisions came so easy as so they should. I think maybe because I have been over thinking about anxiety for the past few years, its become my minds automatic habit to over think things in general in my life.

    Finally after all that explaining, i want to ask whether this automatic over thinking and worrying about little things is simply caused by my excess adrenaline running around my body or is it my habit to over think about things which is causing these overtop worrying reactions to trivial things or things like making opinions which used to come so easy?

    Or maybe i should just keep it simple, and put all the above example down to me being anxious, and just like paul says do the opposite and stop worrying about my over thinking.Just take it with a pinch of salt and in the future I’m sure my over thinking habits will subside.

  142. Joe P Says:

    meant to say, running around my body and finding a release*

  143. Charlotte Says:

    Thanks Teresa, that’s a really reassuring line. I think reading other peoples stories sometimes can really help, and give us hope that it does get better. Paul definately did this for me with anxiety. It’s an easy thing to say, but as we all know, when we’re in it, we all think ‘how is this possibly going to change?’ Will be checking out that book :) x

  144. Charlotte Says:

    Hi Joe, if you have been having these thoughts for a while, then it does sound like habit, but an anxiety habit. The adrenalin usually apply’s to the ‘fear’ aspect of anxiety; for example socalising,or going somewhere out of your comfort zone. However this does all come under ‘anxiety’. Your questioning your own thoughts, and magnifying them until your worked up. Try and remember what Paul says, if you get these thoughts once you have say read a book, let them come and pass over you, because it is your anxious mind finding reasons to worry about things. When we’re in an anxious state your mind is so overactive that it cant think straight, so it’s no wonder you can’t make a clear decison or opinion on something.

  145. Matt Says:

    Thanks guys for the positive words, it’s kinda strange now, sometimes I think what did DP feel like? I forgot what it felt like and sometimes it feels strange to feel normal again. I am busy all day everyday with work and everything else, even when I’m by myself I don’t think about DP, anxiety or any of that. I guess I just created so many positive habits in my life that it completely changed me. Occasionally, if I feel that adrenalin, because I’ve felt normal for a little while, It goes pretty quickly because I let it pass and don’t add worrying thoughts to it. It’s just nice to live my life to the fullest now and do stuff that I was afraid of doing before. I don’t come on here as much anymore because I have moved on in life, but will try to come on once in awhile to give words of encouragement. Hope everyone is doing great!

  146. Teresa Says:

    Hi charlotte – you’re welcome, strange thing is you hit the nail on the button when you say ‘when we are in it we think how is this possibly going to change’ – that’s so true for depression and anxiety. Those are the thoughts that create anxiety, I do it – in a way you have just highlighted something to me – so thanks! another thought I will share with you that helped me was Stephen Fry who suffers a differing disorder and handles things well – he said, words to the effect, when it happens I try and view it like the weather, if it’s raining – it’s raining(you can’t pretend the sun is shining) but you also know the weather will move and the sun comes back again. Hope that helps.
    Joe P – I have been in this position a few years ago, it was when I was about to be quite well – you are moving on. I remeber sitting in the car and wondering why i was constantly thinking and why my mind did not seem to go into ‘rest’ position. It will, don’t worry if it is excess adrenaline or habit, you don’t have to do anything, just accept its there for now.
    Matt – Brilliant, good luck with everything!
    Doreen – hope you are recovering nicely.
    Jo – still looking for the coffe lounge? When are you off to York?

  147. Mark R Says:

    Hello all.

    I think I’m finally taking control of this setback that has plagued me now for the past month. I went through a stage of feeling extreme anxiety and panic, tension etc then a stage of feeling sorry for myself. over the past week or so ive live alongside it. Been going to work, played football on thursday, even sat in the hospital with my friend for two hours after. Last night I was going to wallow again but decided that I would meet my friend for lunch in the pub, then we played pool and darts after. I still feel edgy, still feel the dp, still feel crap doing stuff, but I’m doing it. There are still a lot of tears going on but I no longer look for reassurance, I cry on my own more out of frustration.

    The mornings are still crud, when I feel it the most I have to say. I go to bed feeling pretty much relaxed and it’s as if it resets itself in the mornings. If does get less as the day goes on.

    I work 3 days a week and before this setback I cherished those two extra days but work has been a veritable blessing so far. Some days in the office are hard but if u need to I cry in the toilets if I’m overwhelmed.

    One thing that helps I’d I try not to compare the things I did when I was well to now as that’s frustrating. I compare now to how I felt two weeks ago when everything was awful. I use that as a yardstick.

    Anyway enough rambling and good everyone else is okay.

    Mark

  148. Mark R Says:

    Teresa,

    I also saw that documentary about Stephen Fry, I too found it helpful. I also found Stan Collymores take on depression interesting as well. He said in the midst of anxiety and depression the clouds are heavy but you know that clouds ALWAYS lift in the end.

    Mark

  149. Doreen Says:

    Teresa – when I click on this link (www.anxietynomore.co.uk/blog) I get all the blogs listed right back to December 2007. Don’t open any of them, just scroll down to the very bottom and you will see the Coffee Lounge. Then click on that.
    Not feeling as springy as I hoped I would be. I have to remember I have had surgery. Possibly because being up, out and about really helps my anxiety I am tensing up again when I cannot do those things. However, if I allow myself the luxury of realising I am likely to feel wiped out then I do relax.

  150. Jo Says:

    Teresa – I know where the coffee lounge is, or did you mean you are still looking for it? We go to York on Monday,all being well. I still feel anxious about it even after doing London, I don’t know why!x

    MarkR – well done for taking control. We are the same as regards mornings being worse and being more relaxed at night. I think the tears are probably a good thing, I wish I could cry. Apart from a few tears when my Mum died, I haven’t cried properly for years. I still feel a bit weird doing things and more so going out, but I still keep going! Have a good day all. x

  151. Joe P Says:

    Hello Charlotte and Teresa,
    Thanks for the advice you two, it really makes sense about, it just being my mind being overactive because of my anxious state. I know paul says in the book something along the lines of when your in the anxious state everything magnifies.
    This is what has been happening for a while, but rather than me taking it with a pinch of salt, I’ve been beating myself up about having these thoughts and overanalysing them. This is the wrong thing to do!, i will just allow these thoughts to float past me and put them down to an overactive mind unable to switch off at times. Its now a friend of mine, just a very annoying one :) Thanks again for the advice!

  152. Sam Says:

    Finally relised something. If I worry that I’m going to be anxious I’m just completely and utterly wasting my time as it will come regardless of whether I want it to or not. The fact I’m write this a bit stupid as I’m basically quoting out of the book. But I suppose it takes the mind sometime to understand something but believing It takes even longer. Cheers Paul for the book been a great help and everyone for talking about their symptoms. Very strange to go from feeling like an absolute nut job to realising that everything I have felt and thought is going through other peoples minds as well.

  153. Matt Says:

    Well, I posted a few days ago about not sleeping, i’ve just had another sleepless night..uggh! So today I am giving up the caffeine and quitting smoking, probably a lot to give up at one time, but I want to get healthy physically and I believe the caffeine is preventing me from sleeping. The night before last I slept 14 hours cause I didn’t sleep at all the night before that one, so my sleeping schedule is all out of whack. The funny thing is that i’ve never had trouble sleeping, ever. So I’m pretty sure it’s the crap i’m putting in my body. Again, it’s not anxiety related, but right now I don’t even feel tired at all and was up all night. Think I might try some melatonin or something to help for a little while. anyways, Mark, it’s good to see you’re dealing with your problems and letting the anxiety be there while moving on, that’s the key.

  154. Debbie Says:

    Hi all, has anyone ever gone down the road of looking into nutrition and if your lacking in something?
    The book I’ve been reading is Optimum Nutrition For The Mind and the author has a clinic in London called the Brain Bio Centre, they done tests etc that prove that a lot of mental illness is caused by nutrition, so I wondered if anybody had heard of the place? it’s quite expensive to go there, they test you for deficiencies etc. it’s the only thing left I haven’t looked into, I know I shouldn’t be looking anyway but someone mentioned it to me which made me think, then when I started reading the book it makes sense.
    Doreen your poor body has been through a lot so it needs time to repair itself, you have to be kind to yourself and like us all be patient ( annoyingly so) x

  155. Debbie Says:

    Oh and I can’t get onto the coffee lounge? Doreen u said to scroll down to Dec 2007 and there’s the coffee lounge it hasn’t got that so I don’t understand it? There’s nothing that says coffee lounge to click on…help!

  156. Jo Says:

    Debbie it was me said to go to 2007 but Doreen has an easier way. Go to the main page, and you’ll see My Blogs in that bar at the top. Click on that then scroll right down the page past all the blogs and the poem and at the bottom you will see the coffee lounge. Click on where it says 109 (I think)comments.Then you will find us. Good luck. x

  157. Jo Says:

    Debbie I think there is a lot to be said for eating sensibly, but I wouldn’t go down that road. I suspect someone is making a lot of money from telling you what is common sense. Cutting out caffeine, alcohol, chocolate and cheese just to name a few can help. I bet you good get a good book at any book shop that will give you some good advice and cost you a lot less. x

  158. Charlotte Says:

    Debbie, I haven’t heard of the place you are talking about, but nutrition does play a key role in anxiety and depression. It could be that we all are slightly deficiant in something, but I dont think it would ever be the sole cause of our condition. I take 160mg of Omega3 fish oil, and a Vitamin B Complex everyday – these have both been proven to improve mood. If you can’t get enough sunlight, then Vitamin D is also good. As well as this, cut out caffine, sugary & fatty foods and make sure you are eating breakfast,lunch and dinner. I snack on Almonds which are also great. I have been doing this for some time and I feel good that i’m helping myself, rather than hindering. My Mum swears by Rescue Remedy drops ‘Aspen’. 2 drops in a small amount of water for anxiety. Hope this helps.

  159. Jo Says:

    Feeling a bit weird at the moment. I foolishly allowed myself to fall asleep and have just woken up with a start, feeling quite ‘out of it’ now. I hate this feeling, and often get it after being asleep, which is why I don’t usually let myself do it in the daytime. I know it will pass in time but it always scares me. Anyone else suffer from this ?

  160. Rachel A Says:

    Jo – I get that too if I fall asleep during the day. I guess it’s a bit like waking up in the morning and feeling rubbish! Don’t let it alarm you, just accept it and go with it :-)
    I’ve had what I call ‘ bit of a wobble’ today but reading my book and working out a couple of Zumba routines has helped massively.
    Going to start making a yummy risotto in a minute too!

    What’s everyone else’s plans for tonight? Hope everyone is well :-)

    xxxxx

  161. Monika Says:

    Debbie – I’ve read that book also and there is a lot to it. If you search it on the internet, there are a lot of successful case studies. I would give it a go maybe! I’ve always been really interested in orthamolecular medicine.

  162. Mark R Says:

    Found it really hard going today but I’ve been up and done what I do best and that’s scouting for bargains for eBay. Have to admit I’ve felt awful and detached today, my heart and body feel like they’re full of lead. It’s hard to imagine on days like this ever being better and the clouds lifting.

  163. Charlotte Says:

    Jo- I feel strange when I wake up too. Infact just awoken from a nap now after an epic walk today. It takes me about an hour or so for the weirdness to pass and feel awake. If you think about it, it’s bound to happen really, your body and mind have rested and when you wake up everything hits you, and you have to adjust again.

    Mark, I’m an ebay fiend too :-p I find you can really get into it and takes your mind off things a bit. I know you found today hard, but if you can do try and get out tomorrow and go for a walk in the sunshine, it really clears those cobwebs. I wear a bracelet on my wrist, engraved on it, it says – ‘this too shall pass’ try remember x

  164. Rachel A Says:

    The clouds will lift though Mark and you’ll come out on the other side stronger. I love scouting for bargains on eBay too! Bit of retail therapy really helps doesn’t it?!

  165. Debbie Says:

    So tired of anxiety of feeling rubbish day in day out, it would be so good to be able to say when my daughters ask how I am to be able to say yeah I’m feeling great having a really good day, I see their faces and feel sad and guilty they have a mum who is always miserable and sickly!
    Having one of those days of thinking when’s this going to end? How can I carry on feeling like this and putting my family through it to, I say to myself for gods sake stop focusing on yourself and just live, but I can’t cos I feel so bad I just don’t know how to get better…… Sorry got my negative head on!

  166. Mark R Says:

    Hi Rachael,

    I know I will be okay eventually, it’s just hard to take when all your friends are so happy and enjoying themselves. I couldn’t face a night out.

  167. Ana Says:

    Is there anyway I could talk to someone? I have a few questions and I can’t find my previous post lol

  168. Mark R Says:

    Matt,

    I echo your words that dp is also the last to go. I don’t feel particularly anxious anymore or worried, just thoughtful but the dp seems to be clinging to me. It’s enough to make me feel crap though. In the past this had always been the last thing to go as well. Hopefully it will be on its way out as well

  169. Fleur Says:

    Thank you for another great post and the amazing poem, so inspirational, lifted my heart.

    Fleur

  170. Jo Says:

    Hi everyone. Reading back on these posts, isn’t it strange how we all seem to feel bad at the same time. It is comforting to know that others have the weird feelings after sleep, I was thinking it was just me. Not that I would wish it on anyone of course! Thank you Rachael A, and Charlotte, you are both right of course.
    Debbie, don’t feel guilty, it’s not like you are this way on purpose. It’s not your fault. Your family will love and accept you for who you are, and they will accept that you have this problem. You don’t need to protect them from.
    It does feel awful when it is day after day, but it will get better. It’s a slow process, you have to be patient, don’t try to rush yourself through it. My mornings are still bad but not as bad as a few months ago when I would be throwing up for a couple of hours, at this time. It’s a small improvement, but it’s there. You will see small improvements too, but it’s not going to happen in a snap. That would be too weird anyway :)

  171. Matt Says:

    Mark….Yeah, the DP was the last to go for me too. I didn’t suffer much anxiety through it, but got really depressed. The body just needs time to rest and refresh itself. I kinda look at DP like walking through a dark tunnel, you know you’ll get to the end of it eventually, but while in it you can’t see anything and you get confused. But as long as you accept your in that tunnel and keep pressing on, you’ll get through it eventually. That’s what I did, I knew I would have days feeling confused and lost, but I kept pressing on anyways until it lifted.

    Jo….When I had DP, one of the worst aspects was waking up, I would feel out of it for two hours or so before I could get myself together. The few times I did take naps during the day really sucked when I woke up. In fact, it’s a proven fact with people that have DP that when they take day naps they always wake up feeling “out of it” for a short while. But, once I stopped caring I started to feel less and less out of it until I woke up feeling normal again. I believe with DP we are so sensitive that we are aware of everything, so when we first wake, normal people are trying to get there bearings together as well, but we take it to another extreme and analyze and observe and question it all. It will pass.

  172. Matt Says:

    Oh, and I used to have mind chatter when I laid down, like random words and sentences flowing through my head. That was especially disturbing, but that went away as well too. Paul said he had it too, kinda like when you’re half asleep, half awake, all these weird things and words popped in and out of my head randomly like I had no control over it. But that went away too over time.

  173. Jo Says:

    Thanks Matt, that’s reassuring to know. I’m getting better at ignoring it, it used to bring on a panic attack at first. But I still find it quite scary. You are right about the sensitivity, at times the slightest thing would set me trembling, but thankfully that is settling a bit too. Yes I get the mind chatter too, usually when I first wake , that’s why I end up getting up early.

  174. Jo Says:

    Doreen – thinking of you and hope you are getting on ok .x

  175. Doreen Says:

    Thanks Jo. Funnily enough (and somewhat annoyingly) as the extreme tiredness is wearing off those anxiety sensations are popping back in. I have been sleeping really well since the operation but this morning woke up at 6.30 with waves of tension again. Think I must doze though as the time passes quite quickly albeit with those strange half awake dreams but maybe us what some of you call mind chatter. Otherwise, still feel a bit groggy and sick but guess that is to be expected.

  176. Doreen Says:

    Sorry – meant to say ‘maybe that is’ not ‘maybe that us’.

  177. Doreen Says:

    Yes, the time here is an hour slow

  178. Debbie Says:

    Morning! Today Ive got the so what attitude, I woke up feeling better than I usually do so I know the days going to be ok, the suns out and we are going out for a ride in the car and a cuppa.
    Doreen I hope you are feeling better today, hopefully you have the sun to and can sit in the garden and relax with a book maybe.
    Jo thanks for your reply I think we all just get so fed up feeling like we do and just want to be our old selves ( if we can remember) sooner rather than later, when we are on a downer it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel isn’t it? I hope you are feeling excited about York, sometimes we think we feel anxious when sometimes it can be excitement, perhaps that’s what you need to think!
    Hope everyone has a good day! x

  179. Jo Says:

    Morning Doreen and Debbie.
    Doreen- I think it is quite normal for you to be getting the waves of tension, after all you have been through an operation, and it must upset the balance again. I think you are doing really well, I would be in pieces after all that.
    Debbie – great you are feeling a bit better this morning. A ride in the sun will do you good. Yes it is very hard to be patient when we just want our lives back, but O do think it is the answer to getting well again. Can’t say that I’m feeling excited, but at least I’m not worrying about it like I did the London trip.

  180. Charlotte Says:

    Morning all. Debbie glad you are feeling good today, thats great news. I always seem to feel pretty low on Sundays, but I think at least I have some confidence back about socialising again.
    Was it you who mentioned that you lost your mother recentley and that was what sparked off your anxiety? I also ‘lost’ someone close to me, which sparked off my anx, and now depo and I know it’s the emptiness of not having them in my life anymore that makes me feel the way I do. Would you say similar? When you had something in life that made you really happy and whole, and it’s taken away..you’re sorta faced with your own life and one that i’m not very self driven or excited about. I guess grief takes it’s time!

  181. kelly Says:

    Hi guys. I haven’t posted much on here, just wanting a bit of advice really. I’ve suffered with bad anxiety since November. Didn’t know what it was at first, had this extreme dizziness unlike anything I have ever felt before and thought I was dying. Since then I haven’t felt like me. I have had all sorts of symptoms, muscle twitches, pins and needles, palpitations, feeling weak etc you name it. My trouble is nearly all of the physical sensations have gone, im just left with this damn dp. With no signs of it going either. I’m not as anxious about it as I was but its starting to really annoy me as I feel it is holding me back in my life. I have it all day everyday, I try not to think about it too much as that can send me into panic. I just dunno what to do now, it gets me so down. I’m scared to look in the mirror or even talk sometimes, I feel like I don’t recognise my own name. Yet when I explain it to those closest to me I think what the hell, how crazy and stupid does that sound? The thing that hurts the most is I have a wonderful partner and 14 month old son and I feel like I have lost my love for them in a weird sense. That’s the most horrible thing about it. I go out carrying on with daily living doing what I have to do but everything feels like a chore and I dread the next day. I just want to be able to relax with my partner and son and not give a damn about how I feel. Does anyone else find their mind automatically refers back to old memories pre anxiety?

  182. kelly Says:

    Its like the other week I said to my partner ‘i want to ask you something and it may sound mad but I am going to ask it anyway’ I then went on to say ‘since the day we met, looking at me now do I look any different to you? Seem any different? Sound any different?’ he looked at me a bit confused and said ‘no your still the person I fell in love with 3 years ago’. My reply was ‘so why don’t I feel that way?’

    A similar thing happened on going to visit a friend id known for about a year and half and seeing her new baby. Id explained I feel like I don’t look like me etc. She replied ‘really? You look the same as when I first met you’.

    What did this tell me? To everyone else I am me but to me I am different.

  183. Charlotte Says:

    Hi Kelly, sorry to hear that you’ve been having a tough time. As we know dp is always the last thing to go, and always takes the longest to dissapear. You’re doing the best thing by getting on with life, and although it seems like it won’t ever go, it does eventually. I had it a few years ago with all the symptoms like yours, and it took roughly 6 months before it went. It just has to work it’s course and goes in it’s own time. I remember I got to a stage where I accepted the dp, and got used to it and thought ‘whatever’ I cant do anything about it anyway.
    I always refer back to my life pre-anxiety and depression ‘I often think wow, remember that camping trip or that summer, I was so happy and contented’ and of course we shouldnt, as it doesnt help our current situation.

  184. kelly Says:

    Oh and I went to see a councillor for assessment the other day, felt like it was a waste of time after coming from there. The reason being I told her id started looking into self help and that id read Paul’s book. She spent most of the time after I said this explaining how I should not be reading books on personal experience because everyone is different and that I should read a book from a therapists point of view as they know and deal with this. To be honest this really annoyed me because I instantly thought um no id much rather read someones experience of it, someone who has gone through the hell of it and come out the other end rather than a book by a therapist that probably has never been through it.

  185. kelly Says:

    Hi charlotte,

    Thanks for your reply.

    For a couple of months I just wanted to sleep all the time, do nothing. What was the point if I felt so crap?

    Now I just feel like I have to be strong for my little boy. He is my life and I want him to have his happy relaxed mummy back.

    I take him to playgroup feeling not with it the whole time but it makes him happy so that’s a good thing. I can’t expect him to miss out on things while I am this way.

    Some days I do just think ok whatever who cares if your there but other days it gets the better of me.

    When my mind goes back to old memories its so weird cause I remember how happy I was at the time but at the same time it kinda feels like a past life that is not mine if you know what I mean?

    I want to be able to feel proper emotion again when playing or cuddling with my little boy rather than just acting for the sake.of him. Its him I feel sorry for :(

  186. kelly Says:

    One day a few weeks ago I actually cried… Not because of this mess or anxiety but actual tears when I went to my brothers gfs scan for baby. The baby come on the screen and I had tears streaming down my face. I couldn’t stop it. I didn’t want to either.

  187. kelly Says:

    oh also I find sometimes I can feel slightly more with it when out, maybe because other surroundings takes my mind off me even if its only for half hour :-)

  188. Jo Says:

    Hi Kelly,it sounds as though you are suffering quite badly at the moment, but don’t despair,it will get better. I would say that you are suffering from a kind of post natal depression. I went through it too when my son was about the same age as yours. I felt so bad one day I was crying when my health visitor arrived, and she took charge straight away. It took a long time to get well again, but it does happen. That was around 32 years ago and at that time post natal depression was not mentioned. In fact I was told by a doctor that I was Neurotic and immature! DP is the worst feeling in the world, and I have it again to a lesser degree, but I am learning to accept it, and you will too, but It takes time. It strips you of confidence, identity, personality, everything. It will all come back in time, try to be patient.
    No-one, and I don’t care if it’s a doctor or therapist, can understand the devastation DP brings if they haven’t experienced it. You are not alone, I think everyone on here has suffered with Dp and we all know how you feel.x

  189. Jo Says:

    Charlotte, I lost my Mum last September, and it is so strange to think she is gone and I will never see her again. She was 90(a young 90) but that doesn’t make it any easier. I didn’t see a great deal of her because she lived 90 miles away but we visited each other as often as possible and phoned a lot, she was always a strong presence in my life, and now she has gone. As well as the grief,I feel a bit of guilt too. maybe I should have done more for her, visited more often and been there when she died but I can’t change any of that. I do believe it’s what has set off this bout of anxiety though.

  190. Debbie Says:

    Hi Charlotte, no it wasn’t me who lost my mum, I know it’s not the same but I fell out with my closest friend a couple of weeks back after nine years it felt as though I had lost her and was very upset, we haven’t made up she sort of ended it, we had gone through anxiety together but she had moved on a lot and I had another blip she gradually saw me less, I finally told her how I felt and she said she had new friends that needed her support and wished me all the best, I was so surprised and felt so let down as I remember her sitting here crying etc over how she felt. So, it’s almost like a loss it’s very hard.
    I also had four anxiety free years then had a few things happen, I got knocked off my moped, held up by knife point in a robbery and then my mum in law died I’d thought I had coped but six months later bang anxiety was back that was last August, I was hoping to feel better by now, but problems with medication not agreeing with me and useless doctors it’s been a struggle, but I got through it before so I’m sure I will this time, I didn’t know about Paul’s book and this blog last time so it’s been a big help to read other peoples symptoms are the same or brilliant when you hear of some who have recovered, we all have to plod on x

  191. Charlotte Says:

    Jo, sorry I remember now (hard to keep track of things when your mind is a bit out of sorts!) any loss out of your control is so difficult to accept I find. You think you’re coping and can move on feeling sad but ok, however it seems it always hits us, and unfortunately for some of us comes out in anxiety n depo (don’t like the word depression! ek). I can only hope that it only sticks around for as long as it needs to, and not for years and years. I think this is my greatest fear, that I’ll get over my loss, but depo will stick around.

    Debbie, i’m sorry to hear about you and your friend. I can relate in the sense that my ‘loss/break-up’ was a friend of 8 years who I trusted, confided, but also loved and fell for. It started to break down when he started seeing someone else but didn’t tell me, he just said ‘you can’t stay over anymore, it doesnt feel right’. We had a complicated relationship. He seemed to stop caring and respecting me since then and I said I couldnt deal with it anymore.
    It sounds like you’ve been through the rough with your friend, being held up a knife point (awful) and your mother in law. Try and take comfort in thinking, gosh is it any wonder why i’m feeling what i’m feeling? Accept that it’s okay and your body and mind needs a bit of rest for now.
    I agree that medication and doctors are totally useless, I’m even losing faith in my CBT therapist to be honest. When my mother told me ‘Char, really the only person that can help you is youself’ this filled me with dread because I thought…what! how? I’m not strong strong enough. But now I have kind of realised I don’t need to be strong, or do anything really. I don’t know if you can just ever ‘ride out’ depression, but as it was trigged by a loss, i’m hoping that once I can get over him, and accept that my life is different now it will go in time :s

  192. Jo Says:

    You know i think those of us who suffer anxiety/depression type things are just more sensitive people than most. Perhaps we are more empathic to others, we feel things more deeply that someone else would. It doesn’t mean we are weak or unable to cope, but that we are more susceptible to our thoughts and emotions. We think things through too much, see the dark side of life too readily. I know I do. I hate cruelty for example, and if I see someone mis treating an animal it upsets me for days, whereas some one might just shrug it off. Eventually our minds have had enough and we switch off for a while. Well, that’s my theory anyway :)

  193. kelly Says:

    Thanks jo for your reply.

    I’m not sure if its post natal depression to be honest. The only reason I am a bit down is because of the dp. Just feel like its robbing me of everything.

    I want my emotions back so I can just live normally and not have to act like I am ok.

    It just hurts, the funny thing is I studied psychology for two years and wanted to be a psychologist …haha

    Do you think I should avoid looking at pics of me and myself in the mirror because it scares me so much?

  194. kelly Says:

    Funny thing is I know its just my perception of things have changed, I think people focus more on dp cause its the most upsetting symptom. Sometimes I can’t handle hearing my own voice, it doesn’t sound like me. How bizzare is that

  195. Jo Says:

    It’s not bizarre Kelly, it’s DP. I had a serious bout of depression in 2004 and the DP was so bad I daren’t even leave the room I lived in for many weeks. I actually thought I was dead. The ‘me’ I knew was gone and it took monhs and months for me to come back. This DP is nowhere near as bad but it still scares me. I don’t like seeing myself in photos or the mirror either. All I can say is I don’t keep looking but I don’t avoid either. This is who I am right now but I will be back to the real me eventually. I think Paul would say not to act like you are ok, just like he says in his blog. It is just putting you under more stress.

  196. Monica Says:

    Kely – that is very common actually. I think it’s because with anxiety we just notice EVERYTHING and get annoyed at a bunch of stuff, like you said, our own voice. Sometimes my breathing frustrates me or my eye blinking. it’s just the nature of the anxiety.
    And the photo mirror thing you describe is EXACTLY how I described it in comments of pauls last post. You are not alone! On my iPHone I have all these videos of myself I made and sent to my friend of me talking, and now I can’t even watch them because I don’t recognize the person talking in them! IT’s so strange how anxiety changes the perception of ourselves .

    But it does get better. It’s already gotten so much better than it was a month ago! Stay strong xx

  197. Debbie Says:

    Jo I also get very upset over animals being mis treated, even when I see a dead rabbit etc in the road I can’t stop thinking about it, I have to reason with myself.
    Does anyone else think they must have something different than anxiety? Because I can’t seem to do what Paul says in his book, I think im different I know he says that in his book that u think it but it’s not it’s anxiety, cos I can’t seem to carry on living my life feeling like I do, I don’t know how people on here do it.
    I found with counsellers and the lady I saw for CBT and the mental health doc all thought reading Paul’s book was wrong, they said its not a good idea as everyone’s different, I was excited at the time cos it was amazing to find someone saying they felt how I felt so mentioned it to them, they weren’t impressed, I did say well the book has helped me more than the NHS has!
    So I had to smile when I read Kelly had the same thing happen.
    Well we went for a ride out in the car it was lovely and I’ve sat in the garden, I’ve do find tho because I’ve got a bit of a dodgy tum I straight away think its anxiety, habit which is very annoying, but I have managed to think so what all day it works sometimes but not always x

  198. kelly Says:

    Jo the main reason i act like im ok is for the sake of my son.

    Trouble is i know i can’t sit and moan about it. I have to carry on.doing things i used to do.

    Its mainly the dp sticking around

  199. kelly Says:

    Monica- the councillors don’t like it. If more people who suffered knew about Paul’s book they probably would be out of a job.

    I said to them at the moment I know its there but I try and just get on with it and let it be in the backround.

    She goes oh no you must not do that. Ignoring it will not make it go away. You have to challenge it. I swear by the time I come out of there I was so frustrated. I was dubious about going in the first place.

  200. Debbie Says:

    Kelly I have done 3 lots of CBT over the years, the latest course was a couple of months ago, I found it made me realise how the way I think can cause problems so it definitely helped but I was so bad with anxiety I spent over half of the twelve sessions crying, in the end she called it a day, u have to be in the right place yourself to be able to focus. Also I found the form filling a nightmare, all the work books to do made it a constant reminder of how I was feeling which wasn’t good, but everyone’s different some find it works for them, I felt the doctors didn’t really know what to do with me so offer it to make it seem as tho they’ve done something! x

  201. kelly Says:

    Hi Debbie,

    It was me that actually asked my doctor to refer me when I had all the tests done to check for a physical problem and nothing came up.

    Its funny that in November he said to me about anxiety and I brushed it off completely saying what on earth have I got to be anxious about, I’ve got a wonderful partner and a beautiful son, we have a home etc.

    If only I had listened in the beginning instead of thinking I had some life threatening disease because of all the symptoms.

    I don’t want to take meds, I tried it and didn’t like the effects. I can’t be even more zoned out with a walking 14 month old walking around. Besides then there is the concept of only I got myself this way only I can get myself out.

    I guess im lucky that this has only been 7 months for me at the moment, I hold my hat off to everyone that has been through it for years and come out the other end. You are the ones to look up to and are so strong for doing so.

    The session I had was just an assessment session but to be honest I felt a bit like she was trying to pick at something that wasn’t there. For example, there has to be an underlying cause I.e something in your childhood that wasn’t resolved. Well no, my childhood was happy…and it truly was.

  202. kelly Says:

    P.s sorry Debbie I thought it was Monica who wrote the bit about therapist… Lol :-)

  203. Jo Says:

    Debbie, I’m sure you don’t have anything else. I found it very difficult to do as Paul suggests too, in the begining, but it is getting easier, not easy. There was a time when I too was sure I would NEVER get to this stage. I thought ‘how can I possibly live the rest of my life like this’ but now I am begining to see the light. I think because I had such a terrible time with depression in 2004, and I got out of that, then it makes me realise I will get back from this. You have been out today and sat in the garden, and nothing terrible happened did it. Don’t forget that anxiety causes stomach acid, and that can be very uncomfortable> For a long time I was putting my stomach discomfort down to the anxiety feeling but i now think it was excess acid, which i have managed to relieve by changing my diet. Your dodgy tum could be just the same if you are not eating properly.

  204. kelly Says:

    just read one of debbies other posts above, Debbie only you have the power to live your life regardless of this.

    I think of it this way, when I recover I don’t want to look back and think wow look at all that time I wasted waiting for this to go away. You have to get in the mindset of thinking and knowing you will come out the other side. Doom is one of the symptoms of this but by thinking you can’t carry on with life while this is here is just fueling it. Don’t let it beat you down you are stronger than that.

    I wake up every morning now thinking ok this is still here but what is the worst you can do? I’m just going to carry on with my day regardless of whether your here or not. Sometimes throughout the day I do have to pick myself up but that is part of this. You may not enjoy doing things, I don’t but I’ve learnt to do them anyway. Yes its still there regardless of what I do but its a damn site better than lying in bed or on the sofa brooding on it.

    Hope that can be of some help x

    Remember keep strong we can all get through this

  205. Jo Says:

    I said earlier and I’ll say it again. Counsellors and doctors learn what they know from books. If they haven’t suffered anxiety and all its demons they can’t possibly know how it feels or how to get rid of it. My cbt practitioner has only actually seen me once, then we seemed to go to a phone call once a fortnight to ask how I am doing, so I have had no help from there at all, except a leaflet to read. She did seem very interested in Paul’s book and website at the first meeting, but I don’t think she has read either of them. I think you should do what feels right for you.

  206. kelly Says:

    I tried explaining it to my partner, he said im not going to pretend I understand what your going through but im not going anywhere, im here to support you and you will get out of this.

    I wish he could understand but its enough knowing he is here for me.

  207. kelly Says:

    I agree jo. Nobody can understand unless they have been through it. Doctors just want to give you pills and councillors well, they just have theories and emphasise so much on writing things down and finding the initial problem. Wouldn’t that be enough to tire your mind out more?

  208. Mark R Says:

    Hi Jo and Kelly,

    Some therapists can be useful sometimes just to talk to and listen to where you are in life. You are right in saying the ones that read from anxiety manuals and tell you to fight are a definate no no. I have been through a lot in my time, some who I have considered a disgrace to their profession,

    I have a therapist who has been through depression and his wife was agrophobic so he understands. He knows that if you fight anxiety it is futile. He is a believer in acceptance and comitment therapy – which is accepting the feeling and committing to change – ie focus on other activities that are more positive. In essence this follows what Paul teaches in his book. He also started his own business like me, so he is someone I look up to.

    Ultimately the only things that can get us better are ourselves, time and nature itself but I think if you have a therapist like me who gets the whole thing it can be a good help.

    Another positive thing which has always helped me is to use meditation and hypnosis at least once a day. This shows the subconcious mind that the world is a safer place than what it currently sees, so you can lower your anxiety levels with this. There are literally hundreds on youtube you can use. Dont just use it once and decide it doesnt work though, its a cumulative effect. As Paul says the mind doesnt really get a break from the bombardment of worries it throws up so even 30 mins a day gives it a break it needs. It also helps to rebalance the nervous system.

  209. Charlotte Says:

    Mark, some really good advice there. I have also started using hypnosis and meditation. I guess it is only about time, and nature and being outdoors really helps. I wish we all had a therapist as good as yours!

    Jo-I think you have a point about people who are a more sensitive to things are more likely to suffer with anxiety and depression. I know that i’m like that. When im hurt by someone, or let down I take it very to heart and feel it very deeply. I would love to be the sort of person who can just shrug things off.

  210. Mark R Says:

    No worries. Guess Im lucky although it took 10 years of therapists to find one that suited!

    Jo – I think that you mentioned in prior posts about not wanting to pick up a pencil to do some creative work as you didnt feel like it. This does come back to you in time. My two passions in life are Ebay and football. In the last month I couldnt bare to look at either, today I watched the football and had the urge to list loads on Ebay to fill my time up. It kinda comes in layers so dont worry about it if you dont have the heart at the moment….it will come back to you.

    On another note my libido has started to make a reappearance! I’m sure it had fallen off!!

  211. Teresa Says:

    Jo – when you off to York? Thinking of you and good luck.

  212. kelly Says:

    I got asked at the assessment by the councillor the other day what it is I fear, I couldn’t answer because as far as I was aware I have no fear. She explained all anxiety is, is fear.

    I actually thought about what she asked me tonight. I didn’t think I was fearing anything. However tonight I have kind of somehow realised I may be fearing the future which could explain why my mind keeps popping up old memories, happy memories because that’s a time when I didn’t fear, just took each day as it comes.

    What’s changed? Obviously my perception has but what has changed my perception? Could it be the fear of the unknown I.e the future?

    I had a baby back in march 2011. Was the happiest woman alive, had been trying to conceive for him for well over a year and was estatic when I found out I was pregnant. Each day was amazing, a new day to spend with my son. A new day to get to know him a little bit more. What’s changed now? My day is full of dread, thinking oh god another day in this anxiety mess.

    I’m wondering if its this that is holding me from living in the now, living in the present moment and focusing on that alone.

    The thing that’s changed is that I have a responsibility now, a little young man I have to teach wise ways and lessons in life. I took each day as it come before because I didn’t have a life plan set out. I took what each day brought me.

    What is it I fear of the future? I don’t know. My ultimate fear is losing my son. I suffered anxiety through the pregnancy due to having a slight bleed, my blood hormones being checked and having a phonecall being told to expect the worst. This tore me apart. However, I enjoyed the pregnancy and couldn’t wait to see this little boy of mine. There was still that doubt in the back of my mind though of whether he would be healthy and ok when he arrived. He was healthy, I felt a rush of love unlike any other the first time I held him in my arms.

    Will I be a good role model for him? Where will my life take me? These are questions that make me wonder.

    I need to start living in the now, appreciate what I have and look to the future with happiness rather than fear.

    Maybe I was just always looking for my purpose in life, now I’ve got my purpose and this purpose is the one I need to focus on, my gorgeous little boy :-)

  213. Dean Says:

    i told you you were strong and had the answer there somewhere :)

  214. Mark R Says:

    Hi Kelly,

    Anxiety can only be about fear of the future, not the past. Our minds are used to using the past as a template for the future, this is destructive at the best of times.

    In my experience when my mind is in the ‘anxiety state’ it kind of fears everything as that is what it is programmed to do…..its being overprotective of me. I find that I am not actually fearing anything in particular……….which is why when therapists or friends ask me what I am anxious about I cant answer them. As I make progress the fear and the worries fade over time so I dont really have to deal with any of them in particular.

    I worked with a lady a few years back who developed anxiety through pregnancy…..and she had a straight forward birth. I think it is quite common for women to get anxiety after giving birth. You put your body through a lot in labour I guess. It seems fairly common on this blog as well.

  215. kelly Says:

    Hi mark,

    Yes that’s what’s happening with me now. I fear looking in the mirror, seeing me in pictures and sometimes talking. Its horrible.

    I had tears when reading out what I wrote so there is obviously emotion in me somewhere lol

    How do you face the fear of the future? That’s what puzzles me. What puzzles me more is I was fine and one day everything changed

  216. Mark R Says:

    Hi Kelly,

    Sounds like DP to me……where everything seems alien to you. I know how you feel. I always liken it to looking at things in 2D when I look at landscapes etc. It sometimes seems like Im looking at things on a HD tv, like there is too much detail to take in. It is horrible but it is really harmless.

    How do you face the fear of the future? Well the future doesn’t exist does it if you think about it. Its just an illusion. It only exists in your own mind.

    At the moment you feel fear because of anxiety and its projecting it into the future. I read something important recently that when you are in a specific state ie ‘anxious’ its very difficult to imagine being in another state so you see the future as you the state you are in now.

    What you need to do is accept the feelings you have, ie fear and dp. DONT worry about the future, it wont always be this way. Just let those negative thoughts keep coming and pay no mind, I know its hard but it can be done as Ive done it myself over the last week or so. You will then see a shift and have a few good days, you will then see a clearer picture.

    Take one day at a time and mean it. When you do this you reduce your anxiety. I was in a right pickle this time a week ago and Helan on here wrote me an excellent post. She said I was feeling tomorrows feelings today by worrying how I would feel in the future, it really hit home. If you have time have a look for her post, its in the previous blog to this.

    I need to take my own advice really. I can have a really good day, where I can do accounts for multi million pound companies, go to the pub, play pool etc. On bad days its as if I cant even make a cuppa without crying. But its the good days you strive for in the bad, they will come.

    You will be okay, just have to be patient.

  217. Mark R Says:

    Just one more thing as you mention below:

    ‘I need to start living in the now, appreciate what I have and look to the future with happiness rather than fear’

    I really beat myself up over this as like you my anxiety came from nowhere. I was really happy a month ago as I had made positive changes in my life. I was angry at myself for not feeling a certain way, ie happiness but its very difficult to feel happy when you’re afraid. I was putting more pressure on myself to feel good and this created more tension as I was fighting anxiety. Just accept how you feel at the moment, dont try and be happy or force the feeling.

    If you have DP you kinda have to let yourself ‘thaw’ out and normal emotions return in time. You will see glimpses of this in fleeting moments.

  218. Ana Says:

    Hey Everyone! :] I posted in a very old blog post from 2008, and i’m not sure if my post got through but I was really hoping for some support. Ive been kind of lurking around for a couple of weeks now, reading everything I could, and i would love to talk to any of you.Here is my story: I have always had some anxiety, and some depression, due to my childhood. at 13, I started with an eating disorder and depression, got all sorts of medications and therapy. It didnt seem to do much for me except make me gain lots of weight and make me feel like a zombie. well, at 17 i decided i was going to be completely drug free and came off of all the pills and even concluded therapy. at 18, my parents got divorced, and i was in a terrible relationship and i started having bad anxiety again. so i went for paxil three months into it, i quit it again. at 19, i went back to texas and restarted my life and to lose the weight, my dr put me on phentermine. i got a great well paying job and school, and met an amazing guy. fastforward 2 years, I am now married to that wonderful man i call my husband, living in Hawaii. He is in the military and he is stationed here.everything was wonderful the last 2 years. minimum anxiety, mostly with his job. but i seemed to be adapting very well. i felt grounded, and strong and truly happy. since i was no longer taking the phentermine, i felt kind of groggy and lacked motivation. so i was looking for phentermine again. the military drs are very against this, so i found another pill for weight loss called OxyElite pro. after taking it for about 3 months, i was still not losing any weight. but it was giving me mental clarity and my moods were great. one day, month n half ago, i combined that pil, with too much caffeine, an energy drink later that day, soda, and an excedrin headache medication. which contains caffeine. needless to say, i had THE worst panic attack ever. and thats when the DP set in. It has not gone away, and i feel like i am losing my mind. I feel disconnected from my body. I feel hopeless and i am terrified of it being more than just anxiety. like it might be dissociative disorder or something else. something i wont be able to get rid of ever. my life was finally going great and now i dont even recognize myself in the mirror. if anyone could share some of your words with me, I would greatly appreciate it. I recently started counseling again, and my therapist said I am not grounded. she is going to be working with me on grounding exercises, but I dont know howmuch that will help. thanks in advance!

  219. Matt Says:

    Ana…It is DP, and it does go away, I don’t know if you’ve read any of my older posts or others, but the way I got out of DP is by living my life regardless of it and focusing on other things until I forgot about it. Yeah, I know that might seem impossible at the moment, but it’s the way out. You have to just move on with life and live with it until it slowly fades away, which it will.

  220. Jo Says:

    Hi everyone, thank you to all who have responded to my posts. Can’t reply individually as getting ready to go to York. Feeling a bit anxious about it but I will be ok later, so just concentrating on what I need to do. See you when I get back. Take care all. x

  221. kelly Says:

    Hi mark,

    Thanks for your post. Yes it does feel like that and I always liken it to being either like having a constant hangover or the feeling you get when you haven’t been to sleep for a good amount of time. Its annoying and even more annoying to think I am doing this to myself.

    my trouble is I have hardly any patience, I never have. So that’s the hardest part for me. I felt like crap when I woke up, still do but I got the biggest cuddle ever off my son and that made me smile.

    the mind is such a powerful thing.

  222. ginger797 Says:

    love reading your posts mark r, i have a question and im sure its going to seen silly! i have realized that my fear all this time with “anxiety state” has been of the “fear of fear and the sensations that happen with anxiety attacks ie racing heart hot flush’s tingles, i was so scared of these feeings that i was in constant fear of anxiety like it really felt like i had this lion on my shoulder that i was scared to move out of fear it was going to get me i would freeze when id feel that pang in the tummy even being excited about something i would be holding onto myself just incase “it” gets me and id lose myself in introspection all over again, so my question is ive been letting myself “feel” everything with anxiety and not backing down just going with it all for the last few weeks so ive been feeling better but for a few days now my mind wants to keep reminding me of the past scars like when id sit on the couch and fear it comming id be on the lounge now and the same feelings will come also my mind keeps looking around for the anxiety that i used to feel when it was intence because its not as scaring for me now i find myself almost watching over my sholder for “it”..i know this sounds weird but i seem to be alot in my head again in the last few days anxietys trying to shw me of the past hurt….

  223. Charlotte Says:

    Jo-have a great time in York! Let us know how your getting on once there x

  224. ginger797 Says:

    i guess like claire weekes said in her book “stop picking at the wound” i guess thats what ive started to do this week picking at it,

  225. kelly Says:

    Regarding dp, this I find the hardest is because its constant. It wouldn’t be so bad if it just came with panic attacks and went again.

    I am proud how far I have come though. When all this started I thought I was seriously ill so became housebound, didn’t cook, didn’t want to do anything other than lay on the sofa hoping whatever it is would go away. I gave up on the one thing I have always loved and enjoyed – driving.

    Now I do things with it there, go out for meals now and again, shopping, walks with the baby,.visiting family, playgroup with my boy etc.

    I think that in itself has to be progress.

    We are moving home in just over a week, im a bit apprehensive its a new place especially with all this going on but at the same time its another focus for a bit.

  226. kelly Says:

    Oh also I read somewhere about dp. There was a bit of a debate going on. One guy was saying just accept its there don’t obsess about it, do things for other people etc but then you had another guy saying he didn’t want to learn to live with it, he wanted it to be gone once and for all. He explained that dp is due to a shift in conciousness in the brain and the way to change this was to provoke a reaction that would get some emotion, whether it be anger or sadness etc and that the more you feel these emotions the more you start to feel the happy ones. For him he drove to a big empty field and just screamed.

    It was something along those lines.

  227. kelly Says:

    Mark,

    I understand what your saying about accepting how you feel at the moment but sometimes I find it hard. Like I have to try and be happy or at least act it for the sake of my son.

    Its just mad, other peoples perceptions of you. Its like one day I went to take my brothers gf for a baby scan and her, me, my mum and dad went for food. My dad texted me later that day saying that’s the best I’ve seen you in ages. I texted back and said thanks but how you see me is not how I feel.

  228. kelly Says:

    I also read a TRUE saying somewhere. ‘your focus becomes your reality’.

  229. Josh Says:

    All

    Gives me tremendous pleasure as I write this. I am back at work after some anxiety related stuff. Its much more calmer then what it used to be.

    2 important lessons learnt

    1) It needs a hell lot of pateince and positive attitude despite set back and everything.
    2) Face your fears..

    Confident of taking anything else that would come back..

    May god bless you all

    Regards

  230. kelly Says:

    Feeling pretty down and agitated today :-(

  231. Doreen Says:

    Ginger – I posted quite a bit higher up about how I have a irritating tendency to ‘poke’ my anxiety button when I am feeling pretty ok and of course the anxiety comes flooding back. I completely recognise the feeling that it seems to be waiting there ready to leap out and say “not got rid of me that easily”. However, we have done this to ourselves, there is no separate entity and if we can provoke our anxiety then we can also live along side the reaction without getting to agitated about it. As many people have said ‘it’s only thoughts and they cannot harm you’

  232. Teresa Says:

    Some good advice Mark r – and Doreen, Kelly please don’t worry you are in good hands on the blog and everything you feel has been felt by others before and they are all ‘coming through’ and many have come through and gone. Keep the faith that things will get better – and try not to fix it ‘today’ – just go with the day. We all know how hard it is.
    Mark R – great to hear you are doing so well especially after such a lonhg journey.
    Doreen – how are you, you seem to be doing ok after such a big event, well done.
    Jo – you won’t see this but we are all thinking of you, you will come back strengthened by your memories of success.
    Ginger – anxiety does that – it comes back to threaten you, physically it is probably to do with muscles/habits/ well honed tracks that need reminding there is no threat, it does not mean you are failing, just need reminding – like when you give up something and then the urge to repeat comes back – we have to find renewed resolve not to slip back into ‘worrying’ about it.

  233. Debbie Says:

    Ginger797. I read your above post, I can totally identify with what your feeling, I fear the fear it’s very hard to get out of the habit of worrying about it, I absolutely dread those old feelings coming on to the point I make it happen with the constant worry, also I have found when I feel good a little voice will say are u sure u feel good? almost like I’m looking for symptoms to prove its still there, it’s like mind games, I get the odd day now and again when I have a good day and it doesn’t pop in my head it’s such a feeling of freedom then is ruined the next day when I wake up feeling rubbish and it starts all over again, it’s very hard to accept something that’s making your life so rotten that’s what I find so hard!

  234. Mark R Says:

    Hi Kelly,

    In terms of what you say below:

    ” Mark,

    I understand what your saying about accepting how you feel at the moment but sometimes I find it hard. Like I have to try and be happy or at least act it for the sake of my son.

    Its just mad, other peoples perceptions of you. Its like one day I went to take my brothers gf for a baby scan and her, me, my mum and dad went for food. My dad texted me later that day saying that’s the best I’ve seen you in ages. I texted back and said thanks but how you see me is not how I feel.”

    I totally agree. Accepting how you feel is difficult as it goes against all of your natural instincts, which is the flight or fight response. But by not rising to it your mind learns it is not the right response and it reduces in intensity. Some people liken it to a bully, the less attention you give it the more it loses its power. At times it can really test you, and I know how bad it can make you feel, but try and go along with it. I know its frustrating and horrible.

    I know as well how you seem in the eyes of others, most people wont notice if you have anxiety. Its putting a brave face on it while dying inside, I know how that feels. My friends always say ‘wow you seem loads better lately’ even though you dont feel it. I have had friends who have suffered and I had never of guessed at all until years lately when they tell me.

  235. Mark R Says:

    SORRY I PRESSED SUBMIT TOO EARLY!!

    “I am proud how far I have come though. When all this started I thought I was seriously ill so became housebound, didn’t cook, didn’t want to do anything other than lay on the sofa hoping whatever it is would go away. I gave up on the one thing I have always loved and enjoyed – driving.

    Now I do things with it there, go out for meals now and again, shopping, walks with the baby,.visiting family, playgroup with my boy etc.”

    Kelly,

    I was like this a few weeks back but look at the differences in your two paragraphs and see how much progress you have made.

    I have read a lot of Claire Weekes stuff in my time and she says its almost as if you split your mind in two – one part that suffers and the other that goes on despite the misery. In your second paragraph its like you are progressing with the misery. Just like when you split up with someone you think its the end of the world and wallow for a while. You realise then that this is no good and you carry on with your life despite the hurting.

  236. Jodie Says:

    Hi guys, been struggling this last week, with these stupid thoughts I’m feeling scared as I don’t see many people mention them I have been assured I have anxiety but I keep thinking its something more. So these thoughts sound so stupid but I can be talking to someone who will mention something that I have heard, dreamt of and I will question myself all day to remember what it was, it fills me with anxiety and I hate it, I also have sleep problems I sleep but have very real vivid dreams which I can remember or something will remind me of and then im thinking did that happen or did I dream it? Sometimes it will just be a tiny conversation I have had with someone but can’t remember. It’s like if I don’t remember then i think I have a serious mental illness??? So annoying, can anyone relate or know how to sleep deeply so I don’t remember dreams? I feel like this is the last thing holding me back from recovery, I’m scared this is something more serious??

  237. marcb Says:

    Hi all, I have just come back from Norfolk, (im in Essex/east london) where I did a 60 mile bike ride, it was physically tough as I hadn’t done much training, and the last 10 miles were tough mentally as my anxiety crept back after nearly 7 hours in the saddle, but I did it, I got thru it, I’m still aching now and feel slightly low but i was expecting that. I know doing this will help me massively. I hope everyone is well, ….Marcb

  238. kelly Says:

    Mark,

    It is good to see that someone else can see I have made progress. Sometimes it can be hard to see for yourself I guess?

    I felt like absolute crap this morning, didn’t want to anything got frustrated feeling like a bad mum for being like this and thinking it is affecting my son but then I had a cry and got myself going went for a walk with the little one and made a load of phonecalls to companies I am with changing the address over ready for the move.

    It is a nice hot sunny day in south Wales so right now we are on a drive on our way to the beach. I am actually looking forward to it :)

  239. kelly Says:

    it helps too have a bit of guns and roses on the cd player too lol

  240. Michelle Z Says:

    Hi Jodie – The thoughts are just another symptom of anxiety. If you haven’t read Paul’s book, I would highly recommend it. He has a chapter that relates specifically to scary thoughts. I suffered with them for quite awhile, but they are now gone. I thought they would never leave or that I would never be able to just get on with living my life in spite of the thoughts being there. But once you allow them to just be there (accept them), and just go about living your life, they really do leave. It can take awhile, but one day you will look back and be able to laugh at them. I know that may be hard to believe, but it’s true.

    Hang in there, Jodie! This too shall pass.

  241. Jeff Says:

    Kelly… as long as it’s not Chinese Democracy:)

  242. Mark R Says:

    Hi Kelly.

    Its always difficult to see your own progress when you’re in the middle of it. I always have good friends on hand to let me know how I am doing. I think it feels like you’re not getting anywhere sometimes as the feelings and thoughts still persist but I think we do stuff and not realise.

    For myself I have gone back to work full time with no real issue, I also do my Ebay work, go for meals, visit friends. Like yourself i feel like crap and dont really enjoy any of it but I am doing it. None of this was really happening a few weeks back, I was wallowing and feeling sorry for myself – which clearly is self defeating.

  243. Charlotte Says:

    Mark you’re doing really well, should be proud! I can’t even think of going back to work yet. Horrible weather outside today, hard to get motivated to do anything :s

  244. Mark R Says:

    Hi Charlotte,

    Yes I am doing well but its not stopping me feeling like absolute crap everyday. I dont feel particularly anxious, just apprehensive I guess with DP. Its hard as the year turned and I thought it was going to be a great year as I was feeling a hell of a lot better at the end of 2011 than at the start of it. We also have great things planned for this year, weddings, festivals etc. I’d like to think I can still go but I may feel rubbish doing it.

  245. Mark R Says:

    But as I said I do need to take my own advice – I dont know how I’m going to be feeling in a month, 2 months, 6 etc.

  246. Teresa Says:

    Marcb
    you should be very proud of yourself – well done. You maybe tired now but when you look back you will have sent your mind and body such a good message!

  247. kelly Says:

    Jeff, definitely not. They went downhill when slash left

  248. Jodie Says:

    Thanks Michelle that really helped, i just cant Seem to ignore them its like my brain automatically delves into it to try and figure out if something was a dream or if it was something that happend? Did u struggle with memory testing? Are you recovered now? Sorry for all the questions im getting married next week so I think a lot of this is natural stress at the moment. I would however love to have a nights sleep without dreaming! (or at least not remember them) ha, did u struggle with sleep?

    Thanks again :)

  249. kelly Says:

    Mark,

    Its great that your doing all that. The best thing we can do is not be worried about whether we enjoy it or not. It will come. Easier said than done I know that.

    Another annoying thing is this urge to constantly keep checking in on ourselves to see if we feel any better.

    I started reading a book about two weeks ago called getting what you want from life. One bit that stuck in my head was, if you think of a memory and see yourself in the picture you are dissociated, if you see it through your own eyes you are associated.

  250. kelly Says:

    So the trip to the beach went fine. Enjoyed seeing little man smiling on the rides. Took my mind off me for a bit.

    I even done the drive home. A good 30 mile trip. Most I’ve done in ages :-)

  251. Charlotte Says:

    Good job Kelly, glad you had a little peace even if it was a short while. I know how tough it can be doing the driving, I have been struggling with that also-I only do short distances at the moment. (Last summer I drove 6 hours to Cornwall! I miss old me). Just did a late evening stroll along the beach though and felt alot better after-so good for the soul aye?

  252. kelly Says:

    Charlotte,

    I know what you mean. I was exactly the same. Always driving. Really long distances too and used to love it. At one time a few years ago I drove all the way from south Wales to Scotland without stopping. Took over 12 hours lol

    from the original post of mine you replied you i thought you had recovered because that’s how it came across…

  253. marcb Says:

    Thank you Teresa! Hope ur good, x

  254. Charlotte Says:

    Kelly, yeah I think we all lose our confidence when this stuff hits us! But hopefully we get it back.

    Well my case is a little different from everyone’s on here I guess…as iv almost recovered from anxiety (thanks to time and Paul’s book), but i’m still suffering with my depression. The anx still holds me back in some area’s, but it’s a million times better then it was and i’m more focused on just trying to be happy again now. It’s a confusing place to be in, and the depo often holds you back in the same way anx does.

  255. Sophia Says:

    Hi Crystal,

    I too feel difficulty in holding conversations. For me it’s more like, I don’t enjoy then why struggle to converse putting a whole lot of pressure on me?..
    But I was wrong..as I thought I was enjoying “my time” soon it became a habit of avoiding any chance of conversing or meeting someone..I thought it wasn’t anxiety as I wasn’t scared but simply not interested..

    But I was so wrong, with this behaviour I am telling my sub conscious of avoiding people or enacting that I am interested…never being myself and never feeling happiness…

    I changed my perceptions..accepted its another face of anxiety– Avoidance.
    To be happy– by any cost I need to change my attitude and perspective about avoiding certain things and people…

    I was confused initially, but whenever I am stuck..I try this…
    1) don’t do anything so that u feel good..just keep doing doing whatever u were doing…
    2) check your emotions..feeling scared, worried, blank, depressed?
    3) it’s ok to feel varied emotions..its due to anxiety..don’t question your feelings…it take time to catch up with what you are doing..or to get immersed in what we are doing…
    4) so meanwhile do the job..right feelings will eventually come along..needn’t worry about that…
    5) it helps you to take the burden of not feeling the right feelings and to be at ease not worrying about what others might think..
    6) go with the flow..never avoid anything just because you don’t feel right..and don’t forcefully go just to see how u feel..again the focus is on you..
    Instead go and do it, however u feel, not letting anxiety win..it really gives your self esteem and confidence back..
    7) we stand for what we want, regaining our lost personality.

    But its an up and down journey practise the new attitude until it becomes second nature…We are not dictated by the way we feel..instead we start deciding for ourselves what we need in our life and going for it…

    Cheers,
    Sophia

  256. Mark R Says:

    Hi all.

    Just in a bit of a slump today. One day I feel qualified to give advice to others the next I am down and not able to seemingly function.

    Yesterday was a good day considering but I woke this morning with a cold and have no energy, that on top of how I feel is making me feel worse. I will get up and do something in a bit but today i am fed up as I feel this setback is taking forever to pass. I know this is self defeating and the wrong attitude.

  257. kelly Says:

    Hi mark,

    Sorry to hear your not feeling too great today. I have been feeling a bit like that today but carrying on through.

    As you said to me anxiety can really test you at times, just look at it that way and don’t let it defeat you.

    Hope you feel better as the day gets on :-)

  258. Mark R Says:

    Hi Kelly,

    Thanks. Gonna try and get out and about even though I feel like death and someones died and Dp’d to the max.

  259. kelly Says:

    Mark,

    You can get through this. Don’t focus on the dp. Whatever is your focus becomes your reality remember :-)

  260. Michelle m Says:

    Hi mark

    i feel exactly the same as you today. have had a cold for the past week which is now making me dizzy and my ears are blocked and also ringing. I haven’t an ounce of energy but i have to go shopping. i have two children which need feeding later. i can’t worry about the dizziness etc as i know what it is. We do have to get out and about otherwise we just sit and waste our life. we are never going to get this time again so lets try to enjoy it now. Hope you feel better soon.

    Michelle

  261. Mark R Says:

    Michelle, Kelly.

    Thanks for your comments. I’ve got out and about but feel really awful, like I’m not on the planet. I get do down on myself when I feel like this. Instead of feeling proud of going to the shops for stuff I sit in my car and cry my eyes out because I feel so horrible

  262. kelly Says:

    Jessie j big white room lyrics seem quite applicable

  263. Michelle m Says:

    I do feel for.you mark cos i truly know what you are going through. its just so frustrating. my life seemed so much easier 5 years ago. i still had worries but they didn’t bother me so much as these fears of harming my loved ones and that one day i won’t be here for then as i may lose my mind.

    Its very difficult to get over this one. i too have just been crying wishing it will all go away. i am the only one that can sort this. its ok to feel bad. who says we have to be happy all the time anyway.

    I don’t want to waste my life anymore with all this crap. my dad died in January after being unwell for just a month so i know how we have to try and enjoy what time we have.

  264. kelly Says:

    Mark,

    it seems you are focussing too much on how you are feeling right now, which ok is normal when you have anxiety. Try and shift your focus on something else, actually no don’t try just do it as hard as it is.

    Remember it doesn’t hurt to cry, your letting your emotions out even if it is emotions from pure frustration.

    You should be proud of yourself going out feeling like this. Our instinct is to stay in hoping it will go but you done what was the right thing to do. Please don’t lose hope, it seems you have come so far.

  265. kelly Says:

    I went to playgroup with my little boy today, I just sat and observed all the other mums with their children, happily talking away to each other, not a care in the world talking about their plans for tomorrow or next week etc.

    I realised the difference between me and them, I worry about tomorrow or dread it knowing it will be another day of this rather than taking each day as it comes like I used to.

    That’s the only difference between us and everyone else. We are only mainly concerned how we feel and constantly check in to see how we feel.

  266. kelly Says:

    Mark and Michelle,

    Do you like listening to music? I find that can be pretty good to help calm me a bit, I can quite easily get lost in music. Worth a try?

  267. Charlotte Says:

    Hi all, sorry everyone’s having a bit of a bad day, but we must persevere! I managed to go to the shops today to run a few errands, almost had a funny turn in Boots but I stuck with it. Came home rather shaky but proud also! A few weeks ago I couldnt go anywhere on my own. Stay positive x

  268. Mark R Says:

    I think I feeling sorry for myself. I just feel cheated. I spent the shd of 2010 and most of 2011 trying to get better without much reprieve and now here I go again feeling like I’m back at the start. Usually I get a few years in between of optimum health but I had around 6 months of being okay, rather than back to normal. Sorry if I’m depressing everyone

  269. kelly Says:

    Mark,

    I noticed something in your post, you said you spent most of 2011 TRYING to get better. I have put caps lock on trying, why? Because as Paul says you must not try to get better. You have to not care how you feel and forget about getting better. As he said himself this is the key to.recovery but we forget this sometimes.

    Look how far you have come, look at what you have acheived rather than what you haven’t.

  270. Mark R Says:

    Sorry kelly,

    i meant to say spent all of 2010 and most of 2011 getting better, I never once tried to get better. I was typing that out of pure frustration. Sorry a lot of the time I dont care how I feel but I get days like this where I just cry my eyes out because I feel that bad its hard not to care.

    You are right in what you are saying, in just over two years I have come a long way. In this setback as well in the last two weeks I have made progress.

  271. Mark R Says:

    but part of me wants to go on and one part wants to suffer if that makes sense?

  272. Ciara30 Says:

    Hi all, just wondering if anyone else is having problems eating and feeling constant nausea I m losing Alot of weight which I don’t really have to lose!

  273. kelly Says:

    Mark,

    The setbacks are part of the recovery aren’t they? You have two choices, either let it get the best of you or let it run its course and know you have acheived something at the end of it.

    You are strong enough to do this and you know that too.

    Its the anxiety side of you telling you that you want to suffer but you don’t you know that right?

  274. Teresa Says:

    Mark – Kelly is right, you have 2 sides to your brain- our s tends to flick in to ‘doing’ mode. I know how difficult it is to not react to this – i am currently making ‘baby’ steps into the next stage of my recovery. I too have had it a good while but over a period of time you gather fresh information and move a little bit forward. Life may deal you a blow and then you feel like you have fallen back – but all you learnt is there and more is being learnt, bad days are just that – we all get them, but we discover something new and move foward again. I’m not making light of it Mark – but just letting you know we understand, we understand how hard ‘not caring is’ – but if you want just ‘don’t care’ that you care – for today.
    Kelly I’m from south Wales too – did you go to Porthcawl? lol

  275. Debbie Says:

    Doreen… Thinking of you noticed you haven’t been posting, I hope you are ok x

  276. Mark R Says:

    Hi both,

    I’m trying not to let it get the best of me but days like this are overwhelming. Ive done all I can by going out to the shops to get stock for ebay, although I felt terrible. I reckon ive cried almost all day.

    I know I can have better days as I had one yesterday and the day before. Its what keeps me going on bad days like this.

    This is a long setback, almost a month now.

  277. kelly Says:

    hi Teresa,

    Ooh another welsh person lol. Yes I did go to porthcawl, not been for a couple of years so it was a nice change and I find it better than Barry, although when we went hardly anything was open, sods law :-)

  278. kelly Says:

    Mark,

    Just think of it this way, you are having good days now. You were probably having no good days at the beginning so that in itself is a huge improvement.

    Just know it won’t be like this forever, you have come so far and just have to keep pushing through the hurdles.

    I read somewhere negative thinking = anxiety and then anxiety = fear and there is the problem.

  279. kelly Says:

    Just thought I would share this with you all.

    There are 3 steps to making an enduring change :

    1.people must be so sick of having the problems that they decide they really want to change.

    2. They have to somehow see their problem in a new perspective or in a new light.

    3. new and appealing options must be found or created and be pursued.

  280. Mark R Says:

    Hi Kelly,

    I have taken a lot of comfort in the fact that I had no good days 2 years ago but this time I have had a few. Not good days as in feeling normal but good days as a stark contrast to feeling really awful.

    You’re right I need to keep on pushing through this setback.

    Its weird as it seems a totally different person giving you advice yesterday and the evening before. Odd what 24 hours and a different minset can do to someone.

  281. kelly Says:

    Mark,

    I was thinking the same thing. Yesterday you were this positive confident person and it seemed like anxiety could throw whatever it could at you and you would go ‘ok whatever’.

    I think a lot of it is to do with the mindset your in. Although helping others takes your mind off you so that helps too.

    Positive thinking = positive mind = less worrying

    I have started feeling a bit crappy again. Freaked out a bit seeing myself in the mirror after getting out the bath :-(

  282. Mark R Says:

    Dont worry Kelly, I always freak myself out looking in the mirror after a bath and it has nothing to do with anxiety!

    I did pick up an old Claire Weekes book I had and skimmed over the setback section. A few pointers I picked up were that if you think setback is taking forever to get out of its probably because you are watching it anxiously, which to be fair I have been.

    Its easy to say on a good day that I can see the other side again but on a bad day things can be really overhwelming.

  283. kelly Says:

    Earlier was a bit of a test for me. A guy called me from sky tv, talking about latest promotions etc.

    He asked if it was ok to call me Kelly I said yes, and for most of the 25 minute conversation every sentence he started he used my name.

    it usually sends me into panic hearing my name but just tried my best to ignore it and focus more on what he was saying.

  284. Teresa Says:

    Hi Debbie, how are you doing? I was wondering how doreen is doing too. She has probably given into recovery from the op – which will be a good thing.
    Kelly – Porthcawl does the best fis h n chips!
    Mark – recovery is an up down affair – tomorrow could be your best day yet. It’s difficult i know – but that’s why we are here – on good days you help others realise that things are not always like this – and vice versa. Hope you have a good night.

  285. Charlotte Says:

    Well said Teresa :)

  286. kelly Says:

    Mark,

    For me it has never been an issue until all this started. I avoid looking in the mirror or at pictures of me and I know this is avoidance behaviour and its wrong because its telling my brain its something to fear but it freaks me out. Nothing worse than looking in the mirror and not recognising its you.

    Unfortunately for me I have no choice but to look in the mirror, i have to for reasons like sorting my hair or doing my make up. Its that mainly that makes me panic, seeing myself :-(

    trouble is i have always been well into photography, taking pics of myself etc. Editing them, posting them on my profiles and stuff. Now I’ve never been confident with my looks but i used to enjoy putting a bit of make up on and taking pics. At least then i recognised who it was, now i can’t even bare looking at a pic of me and if i do i get that weird feeling in my stomach?

    This dp is hellish and worse knowing it is just my perception and nothing else.

    More annoying is when i talk and i get like random images of me pop up in my mind, sounds so buzzard but so TRUE.

    Are you feeling any better tonight?
    You seem more positive than this afternoon for sure :-)

  287. kelly Says:

    Teresa,

    I’ve not tried them there. It would be just the chips for me though, not a fish lover lol :-)

  288. Monica Says:

    Kelly I have experienced everything you’ve described..when you stop feeling anxious about the feeling of dp and ride with it & let it pass things will start to improved. Despite how much I didn’t feel like me and how unreal I felt I said I would keep going and work in spite of that. I told myself it was okay to feel this way and gave myself room to feel like that. xx

  289. Doreen Says:

    Thanks for thinking about me Teresa. Am feeling a bit up and down. Before I had the surgery the consultant was adamant that most of my digestive symptoms were not to do with gall stones but IBS. In my mind I was not in agreement with him as I have had IBS and this was different. My GP also agreed with me and so encouraged me to have the op. In fact at the moment all those symptoms have come back and so I am thinking that I went through all that maybe for nothing. However, various websites do say that what I am experiencing at the moment is common after gall bladder removal. So somewhat distracted by feeling unwell and a bit frightened that this will go on forever. But getting up and getting on with life and at times my mood lifts so hanging onto that.

  290. kelly Says:

    Monica,

    Thanks for your reassurance. I find because the dp is always there I find it hard not to think about it :-(

  291. Debbie Says:

    Doreen perhaps it needs time to get back to normal then see, glad u r getting on with things tho don’t think too much otherwise it will grow arms and legs!

    Teresa I’m ok I’ve got a nasty head cold with a very annoying cough so haven’t slept much for two nights, I’ve a wedding cake to do for Saturday, so very behind with it.
    I find when I’m not well I have to keep telling myself it’s a cold not anything to do with anxiety, also getting in a stew about the cake I blame the feelings on anxiety it’s so easy to do that isn’t it?
    When I go into a shop that I’ve never been in before and they have lots of the kind of things I like I start needing the loo and get the butterflies in the tummy, my hubby says your not anxious it’s excitement! Anxiety definitely plays tricks on your mind!
    Well the suns out so I’m going to get on with the cakes (3 tier) then try and get out in the garden x

  292. Mark R Says:

    Urgh feel sodding awful again today, my mind is all over the place and I really cant focus at all. Feel so edgy. I know I should accept these feelings and carry on with my work but its so difficult today.

  293. kelly Says:

    Mark,

    Sorry to hear your not having a good day. Maybe the bad day you had yesterday left you feeling a bit apprehensive about today and its carrying on through.

    At least your doing something productive even if you can’t focus that much right now.

  294. Mark R Says:

    Kelly,

    I’m actually at work and finding it really hard going. I just feel like crying my eyes out but I need to keep it together. It’s times like this where I feel like its gonna be forever and my life is worth nothing.

  295. kelly Says:

    Mark,

    It won’t be forever. You know that right? The logical part of you knows that. Try and get your mind in a positive outset right now instead of negative. You can do this.

    Have faith in yourself, realise its just your mind playing funny buggers with you. Laugh at it if you have to. All they are is thoughts. Just remember that. They can’t hurt you. Can’t physically harm you and can’t stop you from doing anything. Where is that whatever attitude gone? You have come so far, just keep strong. I know its hard but only you have the power.

    Why not arrange to go out with a friend after work for a drink or something? Something that is not routine that will take your mind off it for a bit?

  296. kelly Says:

    *positive mindset

  297. kelly Says:

    Mark only you can decide how you want your life. Your life is not nothing if you change your perspective of it. See the good rather than the bad and know it won’t always be this way.

  298. kelly Says:

    Feeling pretty bad this evening. The dp is plaguing my every thought. Whenever I think of something else there it us. Its really getting me down. Just want to be able to feel something, anything :-(

  299. Monica Says:

    Kelly – I know, it is very difficult. Today is a bad dp day for me and I’ve been in tears. Thoughts feel all jumbled, I have that feeling like im on the verge of a breakdown …typical bad anxiety stuff! Having those thoughts like I need to be in a hospital :(

  300. Mark R Says:

    Chin up Kelly,

    Just remember the advice you gave me. I had an okay day but had a couple of hours at a time where it was almost unbearable – I let those feelings just come to me and then leave. When I feel like I convince myself that its me forever and looking at my previous post it was so negative.

    I do get constant DP but what I have noticed is that when my mind focus’s on it some things may grab my attention away from it – see if this happens with you. Dont try and force it though. In the past the DP has left me when my focus has been on something else, it takes time though. Its as if my mind got bored of it in the end.

  301. kelly Says:

    Monica,

    It seems you have got it worse than me today. I just get frustrated you know, like when I am giving my little one his milk I want to feel that close bond and connection you know? It hurts me so much.

  302. kelly Says:

    Mark,

    So glad your day went better in the end. The day itself hasn’t been too bad. Kept myself busy, done a few errands and took the baby swimming and even done the drive home.

    Just tonight I guess I am feeling a bit downhearted and doubtful of whether this feeling will ever go away. It doesn’t scare me as much as it used to now but it is frustrating me.

    Its hard with a little one in the equation because your more eager to be back to yourself so you can feel emotion in that way again.

  303. Mark R Says:

    Hi Kelly,

    I know how frustrating it can be, trust me it happened for a few hrs at a time today but as my housemate quite rightly pointed out this evening….better to be frustrated than scared isn’t it?

  304. kelly Says:

    Mark,

    It definitely is. I also have a bad tummy too which is not helping anything, not from anxiety more likely from the sausage in batter I had earlier, that will teach me from overendulging too much on them and chips lately eh? Lol.

    I’m just sick of it now and I’ve only had it 7 months, take a run and jump it needs to and go bug someone else for a bit lol.

  305. Mark R Says:

    Kelly,

    Ive had it for just over 2 years and bouts over the last 10 years which lasted around 2 years apiece……….can you see why I’m hacked off? Thats why this setback is particularly frustrating. I felt like I was on the home straight and it was behind me.

  306. kelly Says:

    Mark,

    Damn stupid phone, just wrote you a longish reply and guess what happened? The inevitable, my battery died. Lol.

    yes I can understand why your hacked off, I would be pulling my hair out by now.

    I’m only 24 and feel like I have no life in me, great eh?

  307. Mark R Says:

    Hi Kelly.

    We will come through though. I’ve been in much worse situations and got better – I had it a million times worse in 05 coupled with depression and I dragged myself out of that. I dont think I could ever be as bad as that again.

    The DP is hard I know. But try and think of it this way – its protecting you from the anxiety. I also bet as well that when you went swimming early there were times when you focused on your little one and not the dp?

  308. crystalg Says:

    Sophia,
    Thanks soooo much for all the info, Its sooooo easy to read all of this and to say i am going to do this, but putting it all into play is the hard thing, Everyday when i wake up my Anxiety is there, i try to just move on from it and deal with it but i cant, i seem to be very sensitive on all my feelings i have, i constantly feel anxious, im always scared, my anxiety always gets the best of me, Your mind is a very powerful thing and mine seems to control the way i feel. I feel as if im going to feel this way forever. I just need to grasp things in and take control of my anxiety rather than let it take control of me.
    well i hope you find time to get back to me tahnks
    -Crystal.

  309. kelly Says:

    Hi mark,

    I know what my problem is and that is impatience. I have never been a patient person really and its worse now.

    Yes there were times there that I was competely focused on Theo and not the dp. Its weird though cause although it sounds bizzare its like you actually notice that you are focusing on something else and then your mind just reverts back to you. Bit of a nightmare.

  310. kelly Says:

    Mark,

    I have noticed a lot of people mention her on here. Might look into it. What one do you think is best of her books?

    Its like I have a fear of fish, bizzare I know but do I worry about it all day long? No. Do I obsess about it no? The only time I fear it is when I am confronted by it. I wish this could be like that.

    I only just noticed the time is showing up an hour behind on here lol

  311. Ana Says:

    Kelly,
    I have the same thing with the pictures and the mirror. I was always the kind of girl to be checking my makeup, taking pictures, and just being silly. Now. pictures of me and looking in the mirror give me anxiety.

  312. Debbie Says:

    Talking about Claire Weekes I’m just reading her 2nd book again, I first one is the best I think but I can’t find it, when I recovered from my last setback four years ago I packed those type of books away, I would really recommend it it’s brilliant, she writes in a nice way to, I wish I could’ve seen her!
    Doreen I hope you are feeling better today, I wonder how Jo is getting on in York!

  313. kelly Says:

    Debbie do you know what its called?

  314. kelly Says:

    Ana,

    Its the worst feeling in the world but im really trying not to worry about it too much. Easier said than done x

  315. Jo Says:

    Hi everyone, I’m back. Had a nice time in all with just the usual moments of ‘I want to go home’ and DP now and again, but nothing worse than when I am at home. Monday was a bit difficult – I had myself all psyched up to get on the train at 8am but when we got to the station it had been cancelled and we had to wait an hour for the next one. Then when we got to Grantham we discovered our York train had been cancelled too ( we had already missed the first connection) along with lots of trains going North and South, because some poor soul had decided to end it all by jumping in front of not one but two trains at St Neots. By the time we got on our train my anxiety had risen a bit and I was stressing about every bump, noise and smell! I did settle later and we walked the walls of York and down the river. Tuesday was better but the anxiety rose a bit again Wednesday morning, thinking about the journey back. Anyway, we had a lovely break and I’m just settling back to being home again. Thanks for thinking about me. I haven’t read through all the back post yet, I will be doing that today. Hope everyone is doing ok. xx

  316. kelly Says:

    Feeling really bad today. So down :-(

  317. Mark R Says:

    I feel the same, thick unrelenting DP all day, no concentration, crying in my car. Hard to imagine yesterday I was giving advice out on here. I feel so awful today, my mind is all over the place, my body feels awful. I’m just totally sick of all this and I’m so angry with myself for being like it. Why am I doing this to myself?

    I had a day yesterday where I felt like this for a few hours or so but today its been constant. I really dont think this is worth the effort.

  318. kelly Says:

    Same here with me. The dp is what is getting me down the most. Its dominating my thoughts no matter what I do.

  319. Helen Says:

    Mark,

    Your impatience is getting the better of you. You have just put in your post that today has been constant and that was at 12.41pm. That has been a few hours up to now, just like yesterday. You are looking for recovery now and you aren’t going to get it. This is going to be a hard slog and you have to stop thinking things like ‘why am i doing this to myself?’. You know better than that and you know that this isn’t something you are voluntarily doing to yourself.
    You must stop being impatient, you are reacting in a way that anxiety loves. Right now, you are feeling terrible and you must stop projecting this forwards, you do not know what tomorrow will bring, you just don’t, as much as anyone thinks they do, they don’t plain and simple. Get on with now, you are feeling terrible, no concentration, probably feel like you are in a big bubble, there is nothing you can do except go with it.
    Stop being angry with yourself, no one would want to feel this way but stop reacting so strongly to it every day.

    All the best
    Helen

  320. kelly Says:

    Mark,

    what Helen has just said there is so TRUE. It applies to me too so I can take something from it. I am sick to the back teeth of this, I am fed up.of wasting my life away worrying when there is nothing to worry about. They are just feelings, our mind has obviously taken a break for some reason, whether it be constant worrying or what but trying to make it come back from it is just putting more pressure on ourself. We can’t change it unfortunately so what is the left to do? Carry on fighting it and trying to recover or just letting it be?

  321. Jo Says:

    Hi Ciara. Yes I have lost around 2 stone in the last 2/3 months. Some days in the begining I had nothing to eat till tea time, and most mornings I have been throwing up for a couple of hours. It is getting better though, and my appetite is slowly returning. The sickness has just about stopped too. It depends on how I feel as to how I eat. If I’m having a bad day I usually eat very little, and if I am feeling better I manage a bit more, but not as much as I used to eat. I try not to worry over it. It will take time but your appetite will come back. x

  322. Debbie Says:

    Kelly.. I think the Claire Weekes book was Self Help For Your Nerves, but any of her books are very good have a look on Amazon the one I’m reading is Essential help for your nerves.

    Jo so glad u had a nice break in York, sounds as tho u managed to have some good moments, typical about the train that sort of thing happens to me!

    Mark I think your letting your thoughts run away with you, what Helen said is so true. You are actually feeding the anxiety with your reaction to your symptoms, I know it’s so hard not to let it get to u but stop fighting it and be kind to yourself, take each day as it comes or even each hour, go with it x

  323. kelly Says:

    What I find so upsetting and annoying is that there are people out there with bad illnesses, some life threatening and here I am wasting my life on fear and worrying about nothing. Had enough of it, things need to change … For the sake of myself and my family. I’m starting to have the not care attitude.

  324. kelly Says:

    Life is too short to worry about the trivial things.

  325. kelly Says:

    Thinking of leaving here…

  326. Mark R Says:

    Helen, Kelly, Debbie,

    I am really sorry if it feels like I’m not trying and its consuming me. On a good day I really feel like helping others but on days like I this I feel like its taking over me.

    What I am fearing the most and what the thoughts are throwing at me is that I’m going to be ill again for another year and I cant face it. Then the vile feelings come and the thick DP. Then I cry my eyes out and feel like I’ve been cheated as most of the last 10 years have been spoilt by this.

    I’m typing this and crying my eyes out, I am at such a low ebb. I know I should take one day at a time and I’ve no idea how long this will take to get better but its hard not to forget past struggles isnt it?

    Sorry this is so negative but I just dont feel positive at the moment.

  327. Jeff Says:

    Mark,
    Helen is spot on. Impatience will prolong the time it takes to experience recovery. You have to learn to accept that this is where you’re at. It sucks, but it’s the only way. You can’t beat it with anger or defiance. You have to take a good look at that, and say “this is who I am, it is ok, I will not always be like this, but for now I have to try and get through it.” THROUGH is truly the only way. Breathe, make no demands of yourself, and, whatever you do, don’t punish yourself. It won’t help you out of this. Try not to think about things like “if only I could be like before.” You will ride this out and be like you were before. You have to be patient and let it work itself out. Each new and weird sensation you experience will try and suck you back in. It’s as if it pops up and says “here I am! look at me!” You know what it is… it’s just adrenaline, man. Whatever got you here, HERE is where you are at and until you accept that fact your struggle will continue to deepen. When I was in your shoes, I know how hard it was to try and be comfortable at all. Accepting it was like admitting defeat, but it is the only way to win, I promise. I never thought I would see the light at the end of the tunnel, but once I stopped looking for it, it just got brighter and brighter. It will for you, too, once you stop struggling. I wish you the best and I promise you it will not last forever.

  328. kelly Says:

    Jeff, how do you accept it? I can’t seem to stop fighting it and that’s where the problem lies..

  329. Mark R Says:

    Hi Jeff,

    Thanks for the reply mate. Really appreciate it.

    People keep telling me to hang on in there, close mates who have seen me through bad times in the past. They say that I am not the same person who suffered before and its just a small bump.

    In the back of my mind ive been through much tougher times, I know this!! Its a fact!!

    I need to accept on bad days I’m going to have self doubts, I’m gonna feel awful. It was only 24 hrs ago that I felt almost normal and I was lifting weights and having a laugh with housemates. Thats the real me, not this one now.

    You’re right though, its about patience, when I feel terrible (like now) I thrash at myself for being like it and it doenst help. For some reason the tears really do help though, its like a release of tension.

    Are you recovered by the way? Sounds like you are or almost there.

  330. Mark R Says:

    Kelly,

    I think people get confused about accepting. They think if they accept their problems and symptoms disappear. This is incorrect.

    Acceptance means to roll with it and go with the symptoms, the thoughts, the DP.

    You probably think its a bit rich coming from me who has spent the whole day crying and wallowing but on better days I do try and have normal days in terms of the activities I do.

    In terms of what you have said you are doing, going swimming with your little un, walks on the beaches it sounds like you are accepting but you just want the symptoms to go.

  331. Jeff Says:

    Kelly,
    you say “this is who I am now. This is who I am in this moment. It does not matter how I feel. I only need to be here now and whatever has passed is past and whatever will come will come.” You need to trust Paul and others like myself who have come through it and really take to heart these words: “it will not last forever.” The day to day feelings of strangeness and discomfort are symptoms of some unease within you. SOMETHING got you to this point. Your body and mind are dealing with whatever got you here. You need to give yourself the time and space to rest, heal and accept yourself for who you are right now. I would say to myself “so what, I’m broken, I don’t care. I’m still Jeff.” I would say this even when the DP was coating my reality with glass and my thoughts wouldn’t stop racimg a thousand miles an hour. You are here in this moment, that’s all that counts. You are you regardless of how you feel. Be right where you’re at and try to put your attention on THAT. Get your attention focused OUT instead of IN. Give yourself a break. I found solace in these words: “you don’t have to do this to yourself.” You don’t.

  332. Michelle m Says:

    Im with you Kelly. i don’t know how to accept. i don’t know.how to feel.ok about having thoughts that i am going to lose control and harm my daughter. these are things i can’t accept. It’s bringing me down so much. i don’t know what to do anymore.

    Michelle x

  333. Jeff Says:

    Mark,
    I am recovered except for occasional moderate symptoms of depression. I find it so hard to believe what I went through. Three months ago I was suicidal. Anxiety is the WORST thing I have ever experienced. But Paul has really given us a map. He was right about everything. Accepting means so much more. When you recover, you have a deeper sense of what got you in the mess you were in. In many ways I am a better person for all of this. I care deeply about things I never would have before. I come here occasionally because this place saved me. I have the deepest gratitude toward you all.

  334. Mark R Says:

    Jeff.

    Thats the thing with me. When i’m in a more positive state I say to myself ‘Ive taken a knock’. ‘I’m gonna take knocks like this as I have a condition and sometimes life throws crap at me’……sometimes I can be so self destructive on a bad day though. Ive proven that today with my comments on here.

  335. Mark R Says:

    Jeff,

    Thing is I know the way. I came on here in around March/april 10 after having quite a severe bout of anxiety. I followed the advice and got myself better within just over a year. No meds, no therapy, just the help on here.

    I dont think I recovered completely as this setback just came out of nowhere.

    Three months is nothing really, thats a massive step.

  336. Jeff Says:

    Michelle,
    They are just thoughts. Thoughts never harmed anyone. You aren’t going to act on those thoughts. You aren’t. If you don’t want to accept those thoughts then, when they come, laugh at them and tell yourself that it’s absurd. It is, right? It’s absurd that you would think you might harm your own daughter. It’s your mind playing tricks and that is all. I’m not suggesting you accept absurd thoughts. I’m suggesting you accept that sometimes you might think absurd thoughts and that it’s your mind playing tricks on you. Accept that occasionally your mind will play tricks on you and that it’s just adrenaline. Accept that RIGHT NOW you are going through something that will not last forever and is attempting to undermine your ability to trust yourself. All those symptoms are adrenaline, all those thoughts are absurd.

  337. Jeff Says:

    Mark,
    I know. It was literally over the course of a month that I could feel it lifting away. I know I may experience setbacks, but I am armed with the knowledge that I made it through once, I can do it again. You sound like you have the right attitude. Try to be an ally to yourself, not an enemy. Best to you.

  338. jackie Says:

    Acceptance – Deciding to tolerate the moment you are in.

    You get terrible thoughts you say to yourself OK there is that thought again, I know deep down it is not true, so I am just going to just let it go.

    Mark, you were lifting those weights yesterday when you felt good. Lift those weights again now, feeling as bad as you do, still do it. You feel like crap, you will do, but still lift those weights. Each time you decide to go with it however you feel the better, the light at the end of the tunnel shines more brightly.

    Do it however you feel WILLINGLY, knowing you will feel like rubbish and not expecting to feel any better afterwards.

    Remember that nagging voice in the back of your mind saying “I don’t think I can do this” is a LIAR.

  339. Mark R Says:

    Hi Jeff,

    Even in this setback I have built up positive experiences. I see friends, i go to work, I trade on Ebay, I go for meals, I play snooker. Im doing everything I did before but with less enjoyment.

    I know this goes against the grain but I have started keeping a diary on excel of what i do each day. When I have an awful day it reminds me of what I can do despite the difficulty I am suffering at the moment.

    If I’m totally honest, this time round I am having ok days (considering) where 2 years ago I had none for 4/5 months so it is different so maybe I have built up some resliance afterall.

  340. kelly Says:

    Jeff,

    It feels like I am accepting it kinda but at the same time waiting for the dp to go so I can feel normal again?

    Its like at first I didn’t want to go out, do anything because of how weird I felt. Now I do but its still there reminding me, its hard to ignore and accept it when it is constantly there. Its the dp that affects me the most, it doesn’t scare me as much but I hate it.

    I think there is added pressure with me because of my 14 month old boy. I want him to have his real mummy back.

    did you have dp? How did you manage it?

  341. kelly Says:

    Mark,

    I know what you mean its like I am accepting because I am getting on with life but at the same time im wishing the symptoms or dp would go away.

  342. kelly Says:

    Michelle,

    I am in the same boat. However I don’t have thoughts about harming my son, they are thoughts like is he really mine? Probably because my connection with him is lost with this and that is the saddest thing. I had such an unseprable bond with him.

  343. jackie Says:

    Hi Kelly

    Don’t wish the symptoms away, take them with you, I know how hard it is believe me but when you go out and get on with your life, go out with all the symptoms there. I know how horrible and scary this is but the more you do it not caring that they are there and knowing that they will be there and they will be there for quite a while, the quicker you will come back if you know what I mean.

    I was like you with my daughter, I couldn’t and didn’t feel absolutely anything at all. When I decided that I’d had enough of it all, I just didn’t care about how I felt. I played with her, did all the normal things I would do with her, but I did it, not feeling anything and knowing that, for now I wouldn’t feel anything. Gradually and it did take a while I found my feelings were coming back.

    I remember looking in my wardrobe, seeing all my clothes and being so disconnected from myself that I could never see myself wearing anything nice ever again. You will come out of this, it takes time, I hope I’ve helped a little xxx

  344. Jeff Says:

    Kelly,
    Yeah, I had DP bad. Like I was on a perpetual acid trip. I didn’t manage it. I got on about my business even when it was there. I didn’t even know what it was until I found this site. Everything seemed unreal. But you just keep going and soon, it doesn’t own you. You can’t ignore it, but you can know that it is just a temporary symptom of something that your body and mind have to go through. Try to focus on something other than how awful it is. You feel weird, yeah, but you have to get on with life even when it gets strange. Jackie’s note is spot on. Try to relax and give yourself the room to heal.

  345. kelly Says:

    Jackie,

    Thanks for your reply. It has helped putting things in perspective.

    At first I kinda give up. Like I felt like I couldn’t bath my son, couldn’t give him milk and couldn’t do anything with him. Now I do because.i feel like he shouldn’t be made to suffer. However its horrible doing these things and feeling nothing. Weeks ago, he came down with a viral stomach bug and wouldn’t drink or keep anything down so we ended up taking him down the hospital. At one point he looked grey and this upset me, I remember ringing my mum in the car in tears, not because of me but because he was not well.

  346. jackie Says:

    I was also like that at first Kelly, I gave up doing everything, from cooking tea to taking my daughter to school to even stepping out the front door. It took a while to actually realise that this was actually making me worse.

    You sound like you are feeling so so guilty and I don’t blame you as that is how I felt too as first. But, this is how you are at the moment. You are going through anxiety. You get on with everything you would do if you didn’t have anxiety and allow yourself to feel everything that comes your way. You feel guilty, OK you feel guilty, you feel numb, Ok so you feel numb, you feel sad, ok you feel sad. Feelings come and go all the time and normal feelings will come back for you I promise. You just have to ride it out. I suppose its like getting on a roller coaster. Once you are on, you are on, you can’t get off it even if you wanted to, so what you have to do it ride that roller coaster out until it is finished. Feelings are also like this, go with them willingly xxx

  347. kelly Says:

    Jeff,

    I am just getting on with life with it there but I think I am still fighting it. I had many other symptoms but they have calmed down, its just this one that has remained.

    It feels like a little devil has come and just took all your emotions, not nice lol.

    I still get the doubtful thoughts of whether it will ever go away.

    Its like I know what it is, I know its from constant worry but at the same time its your bodys natural instinct to fight it.

  348. Michelle m Says:

    Jeff thanks for your reply. the thoughts truly are absurd and they definitely make me feel like i don’t or can’t trust myself (even though i know i can). Its the thoughts that cause my anxiety. I hate being alone. noises seem louder, i don’t have as much patience as i used to. i feel totally lost at the moment.

    Michelle x

  349. kelly Says:

    Jackie,

    I am starting to do everything I used to do, no.actually I am doing everything I used to do but feeling nothing while doing it. I know I have to accept that’s how it is for now but I guess im finding it hard and feel like I am missing out on important things with my little one, I know I am not but it feels like I am I guess because I am not feeling the emotions that usually go with it.

    Xx

  350. Jeff Says:

    I was fortunate that the DP was the first thing to go for me. The physical stuff and tension and confusion stayed for a long time. Your feelings will come back, and you will remember how important they are. A friend of mine had a bit of an existensial crisis last night and she was in a fit of tears. I said: “at least you can cry,” and this is true, it helps us get that initial burst of deep feeling out and gets us back to normal.

  351. kelly Says:

    Your lucky then Jeff, it has to be the most horrible and scariest of the symptoms.

    I can cry sometimes but its usually tears of frustration unfortunately.

  352. kelly Says:

    I feel like I am constantly analysing how I feel, what im thinking, what I am saying etc.

    And when I say things wondering whether the old me would have said that etc.

  353. Jeff Says:

    The old you is masked by your symptoms, Kelly, but still there. I did the same things, but the best advice is to be ok right now, no matter what your symptoms are. Think on that. Just be in this moment and think “none of this weirdness matters, I am right here, whatever I feel, I will be ok with this place”

    It’s as Jackie said earlier:
    Acceptance – Deciding to tolerate the moment you are in.
    It is a decision, as hard as that seems to realize right now. You can make this decision. You don’t have to do this to yourself.

  354. Mark R Says:

    Helen,

    If you around to read this as you only seem to crop up now and again.

    You mentioned in previous posts that you have suffered 3 terrible bouts of anxiety in the past, like me and you had ‘false’ recoveries. What did you mean by this?

    Mark.

  355. Mark R Says:

    Kelly,

    Once you have just DP and no anxiety you’re on the home straight, honestly. DP is always the last to go. When I recovered before it hung around for a while, its a pain in the arse I know.

    I am at that stage where I have constant DP with times/days of high, horrible anxiety. The DP i can cope with, its when the anxiety comes and makes me feel vile I hate, I need to accept that though.

  356. kelly Says:

    Jeff,

    Its weird cause when I think back to what I was like before, its so strange it seems like a past life or something. Sounds bizzare i know. I am ready to get out of this cycle. I understand i just need to apply i guess.

    Thanks for all the advice you have given me tonight. I spent a couple of hours setting up my new printer to do one of my hobbies which i haven’t done for a couple of months now and that was printing pics of the baby for yet another photo album.

    i am happy to say it completely took my focus and i actually kinda enjoyed it. I know a lot of this is too much inward thinking.

    The annoying thing is i feel like i have to constantly try to do things to keep my mind occupied so i don’t think about it but this is avoidance behaviour isn’t it? Because i know if i am just sat watching tv or not doing anything that would really provoke my attention that my mind is more likely to wander off.

    I did have thoughts while printing the photos but just let them pass through.
    knowing you have come through this gives me hope that it can be acheived.

  357. kelly Says:

    Mark,

    See im the opposite, I can deal with the anxiety just fine. I.e if I get pins and needles or some other sensation I know its just anxiety and brush it off and don’t let it bother me. However with the dp because its constantly it is that much harder to just brush off you know?

  358. Jeff Says:

    It can, Kelly. I promise you it can:) I felt just like you once. All of it. I would sit and watch tv and SQUIRM. I could not just be, I wanted my life back and I hated where I was at. I started to ACCEPT and it just went away in a few months. BE PATIENT with yourself. It is truly so important. My heart reaches out to you because I know what you’re experiencing. Think about it, though: you can type and you are very articulate and you know who you are. I can tell that by your writing. You will be ok, you are an intact and whole person who just happens to be dealing with something awful. Quite frankly, I’m surprised that it didn’t happen to me sooner. Don’t avoid it. I said a long time ago on here: I don’t live life like I don’t have anxiety, I accept that I have anxiety and LIVE. It was a help to someone then, and I hope it is to you now.

  359. Mark R Says:

    Hi Kelly,

    I am the same with the attention thing, it really has to be something to take my focus off it that is really fascinating. But thats life most of the time, Ive never been a tv person. Im more into books as I love learning.

    When i have a good day at work I can really get into a file (im an accountant) and I leave thinking that was great, I gave my mind some refreshment. Just remember anything outward is always a positive, as your mind is away from dp and anxiety. Dont force it though!

  360. kelly Says:

    Jeff,

    I really can’t thank you enough for this advice. Its great to hear from someone who has been through it and come out the other side.

    The funny thing is, I studied computer repairs for two years, loved the software side of it and fixing issues. Then decided I wanted to learn psychology and done that for two years. I even remember a funny incident where my dad had a session with a kind of coucillor back a few years ago and I went with him. She was in the middle of explaining about sleep states, rapid eye movement sleep and so on and forgot what she was going to say. I could finish off what she needed to say. My dad laughed coming out of there.

    Completely went off track there but yeah, I’ve always been a deep thinker, a problem solver but that however will go against me now, I can’t find a way to fix this problem, I have to let it fix itself.

    It is horrible being so empty and feeling like you only have your memories. 7 months feels like a lifetime already lol.

  361. kelly Says:

    Hi mark,

    I guess I’ve always been the kinda person that needs something to occupy their mind. I’ve noticed aswell if you actually go and do something thinking ‘ill go do this’ that will keep my mind off it. You actually find it doesn’t because your putting pressure on yourself for that particular task to take your mind off it. Whereas if you do it on a spur of the moment, you kinda realise after ‘oh I didn’t think about it for a bit’.

  362. Helen Says:

    Hi Mark,
    I ‘recovered’ from 2 of my very serious episodes by avoiding lots of certain things, i didn’t realise it really at the time. My first really bad episode happened years ago and i had a paralysing fear of going mad. I got better after about 18 months but could rarely talk about anything to do with mental illness etc without my heart starting to pound as i was so frightened of anxiety coming back or that i would go going mad. I lived a normal life mostly but i lived on a bit of a knife edge, taking very great care in what i did, who i associated myself with. I was always on the look out. Inevitably, anxiety returned and my fear again, as you would expect was that i would go crazy. Again, i got better to a degree and the same pattern emerged, i would be very careful, worried excessively about things but life carried on relatively normally. I could feel that it was always there though, lurking somewhere in my mind, waiting for the next time.
    My third episode was the very, very worst but my fear was that I would leave my partner, the person i love most in the whole world. I suffered terribly with DP and was in a heavy fog for a very long time. The difference this time was that I knew i had to face this head on. I couldn’t avoid how I was feeling, I couldn’t be careful anymore, I wanted to be free to live my life as I wanted so i had to recover properly.
    When you recover properly, you aren’t frightened of anything anymore. You can let everything in, good and bad and know that you will be ok. I have no fear of mental illness or of leaving my partner, if either of those two things happened then that is what was meant to be. I have no fear of having anxiety either, I can look back at the darkest periods of my life and honestly say that the experience made me the person I am today and I wouldn’t change it for anything in the world.
    You can recover part-time or you can recover full-time. Mark, when you have truly recovered you will not feel desperate like you do when you have bad days, the fear of what happened is the past will have gone.
    It is very, very hard to suffer like you are doing and not fight back but you have to. Trust me, it is the only way, if tomorrow is a hard day, don’t get angry with yourself, don’t get carried away with the thought that you will always be like this or that you can’t suffer again like you did before. Just accept how you feel, if you feel good, don’t question it, if you feel bad, don’t question it just accept the day (not week, not month or year!) for what it is. You have the day you are in and that is all. Carry on with your life, go to work, go out with friends, do the washing up whilst not fighting or questioning why you feel like you do and it will go, properly (full time!) all by itself.

    All the best
    Helen

  363. DCYL Says:

    Helen,

    Thanks for the post! It confirms something I realized early on but hard to see when you’re in the midst of your issues. All of us can recover to a degree but to “truly recover” takes a little more patience. This goes back to my questions about “routine” back in the early months of my situation.

    When I am in my routine, I feel “mostly” fine. However, just like anything in life, things change. For example, I had a routine of playing basketball Monday / Thursday / Saturday, Workout Wednesday and the other days would be open.

    My basketball finished up a couple of weeks ago though I had a business trip so that took my mind off of the change. This week has been busy as I returned and I have to adjust to the change in routine.

    I’ve gone through a bit of an up / down cycle lately but I think Helen’s post reminds me that we just have to accept things and roll with all situations. If I am busy, I am generally ok. However, the current thing that gets me (and some folks mentioned) is that if I find myself sitting around the house. My mind wanders and wonder why I’m not out with friends and other unpleasant thoughts.

    Thanks Helen!

  364. Matt Says:

    Hey guys, just checking in, letting ya know everything is still going great. Still recovered and I met a wonderful woman that i’ve been dating for the past week. I don’t like my job so much right now, but oh well, I’m dealing with it until school starts back again in october. Right now things are great and are continuing to improve in my life. Hope everyone is doing great!

  365. ginger797 Says:

    i just jumped on for a minute but had a little read of some posts and i must say this is such great advice from every one..ive enjoyed reading the last few posts:):)

  366. Michelle m Says:

    Great post Helen. i too have the irrational fear of losing my mind therefore losing all i have in my life. that one thought then leads to many others. i catastrophize everything. I was diagnosed by my cbt lady with mild ocd just because i have these obsession thoughts. reading your post i can see a light at the end of the tunnel. i would rather not have my thoughts for the rest of my life but if i do then so what. i didn’t ask for this dreadful situation, it just happened after a very stressful year.

    Catch up later as Im off to let off some adrenaline…zumba.

    Have a good day all xx

  367. kelly Says:

    Hi guys,

    Feeling so bad this morning. Was feeling quite positive last night after all the advice given on here, now today I feel terrible. Really on edge, really thick dp and just feeling like I want to go back to bed :-(

  368. Jo Says:

    Hi Matt, great to hear you are doing so well and have met someone special. Just stick at your job till October, it won’t be long. I have not been doing too bad and maybe I am on the road to recovery, but feeling a bit dizzy and spaced this morning. Maybe York id catching up with me :)
    Kelly just try to let it wash over you, and maybe you will feel better later. You can’t force yourself to feel better, it has to come in its own time. Not much help I know. I have been reading Claire Weeks’s book and have found that a help. From her description of symptoms I am now sure that what I suffered in 2004 was a nervous breakdown.

  369. Monica Says:

    That was a great post Helen. Thank you so much

  370. Debbie Says:

    Not feeling so good with the heavy head and blurred vision today, funny cos I’ve been busy all week doing a wedding cake which I finished yterday, so today I’ve not had anything to focus on, often I find I’m like a wound up spring then when it’s over I unwind and come down with a bump, I suppose it’s the adrenaline while your busy it’s pumping round then it seems as tho it doesn’t stop even tho u have? I wonder if that’s what happens?
    I’ve had a friend round this morning then my daughter and grand daughter this afternoon and the couple to look at their cake so I’ve have had things going on but just feel awful.
    I can totally understand what Mark means when he says about having this forever I feel like that but I do get impatient cos who wouldn’t? Nobody wants to spend everyday feeling awful, I also think what’s the point in getting better cos like before I will have another set back and have to go through it all again! How can anybody accept that?

  371. Mark R Says:

    Hi Helen,

    Thanks for your reply.

    I’m writing this with the benefit of hindsight despite my current position.

    I think we are quite similar in terms of suffering, as you say we have both had 3 terrible episodes of anxiety, whether this is the 4th who knows.

    The first time round for me was a little over ten years ago now, and like Paul began with a bad drug episode. It took 5 months of suffering, countless doctors to tell me I had anxiety, if they did I would have recovered sooner. I was convinced I was brain damaged; it took around 18 months before I got better, but to be honest I was happier than ever.

    It was pure folly and naivety to think I would not suffer again but I did about two years later after spending a year under heavy strain. This was the worst bout as for months I tried to look for a cause, where clearly none existed. I sunk into a deep depression and hit rock bottom before I came back up again. Recovery took 2 years but I emerged as a much stronger person. I was convinced it would last 2 years, ironically it did

    I had 2 and half really good years with no anxiety at all but then after I quit my accountancy studies I fell down again. Although devastating at the time, looking back it was easier to deal with than the other two. It took around 12 months to recover but I don’t think I did completely. I had almost a year of feeling okay, not great but okay before I started my own business in March this year and moved my job to part time to enable me to do that. All was going great until this recent setback which frankly hit me like a ton of bricks.

    It has got better over the last 2 weeks or so. For the first two I was in despair, the anxiety was so strong I sat outside my therapists house crying my eyes out, generally not sleeping or eating in that period. I also add for almost 2 weeks I wanted to end it. I am sorry to type that but a fact is a fact. I have some good days, not brilliant where the anxiety and DP are not high, but on my mind. I can have some terrible days, those of you have seen my posts see that I wallow.

    The biggest fear for me is thinking about how long I will suffer for, but like Helen said I should just deal with today. This has been my downfall in the past and probably why I have had such long periods of it. This for me is a self-fulfilling prophecy and probably why I am kept in the anxiety state. The truth is I don’t know how I will feel tomorrow, the next day, a few weeks or a year. All I know is that I feel crap today, doesn’t mean I will in the future though. At the end of the day though, all it can do is make us feel bad. It can’t kill us.

    I am sorry to type on this blog so much but as we all know anxiety is a lonely road and as I was happy for a bit feel like the rug has been taken from under my feet again. Hard to think a month ago I was going around as happy as Larry, on dates laughing my head off etc. I’ve got this to come again though when I feel better in myself.

  372. Monica Says:

    Helen that post just really hits home with me! If you look at my previous comments on this post of Paul’s, all my biggest fears stem from fear of mental illness. I obsess over it even though I know it is not rational…spending days in fear and wondering when I’ll finally just “crack” and lose it. The fact that you suffered with this as well and got out of it gives me so much hope. Atm I can’t even imagine an anxiety free life but I know it is possible.
    And I too, recovered only part time. This is my second bad anxiety spell and when I thought about why it came back, I realized it was because I didn’t actually recover the first time, I just intensely distracted myself but was still living in fear. This time will be different though. I understand so much more about anxiety now and how it works and I can feel myself coming out of this, slowly…day by day.

    And Matt – It’s great to hear you’re doing so well. All the best to you.

  373. kelly Says:

    I can’t seem to stop thinking about how I am feeling that’s why I am finding it so hard to focus on anything else. And when I do focus on something else my mind straight away goes back to me and how I am feeling. I feel dead inside and I know this is negative. Still trying to accept I guess.

  374. Chris Says:

    Today I decided to return to this Blog to give some inspiration. I used to be a serious sufferer of generalized anxiety until I stumbled across Paul’s site. I took all the information he gave, read the book, and stepped away from the subject. After some time I finally broke out of my anxiety cycle and began living life again. Today, I am happier than I have ever been. I am more confident, more relaxed, and I handle fear and stress as if they don’t even exist to me. When I was suffering there weren’t enough people telling success stories but rather people dwelling on their suffering and boosting one anothers worries. This just keeps your cycle going round and round. The number one thing you need to take from Paul is to step away from the topic and begin living life. Go out and do anything, even if it feels terrible. No matter how bad you may get or want to go home and read Pauls book, don’t. I am sure most of you were like me and ran to Pauls book for safety. STOP NOW. No more posting in the blog, no more reading the book, no more looking up symptoms. Today is your day to take control of your life. Feel the fear as you go out and do things, nothing bad will happen. The more you live life the quicker all of your anxiety filled tendencies will go away. It’s time for you all to step away from the website (delete the app of you have to). The more you dwell in the topic, the more damage you cause. LIVING LIFE is the only way. Pay no mind to the fear and trust me when I say it will all disappear. You will reach the otherside without realizing it and you will be a stronger person than you have ever been. Today is your day people, live life and never look back! (until you are ready to return with your own inspiration) 😉

    With Love, Chris

  375. Mark R Says:

    Kelly,

    You’re trying too hard to accept. You can’t think to accept, acceptance is a mental shift that happens. Best thing to do is carry on with whatever you’re doing knowing that your mind will revert back to you while you re doing it. Tell yourself tht this is okay, frustrating as it is

    Mark

  376. kelly Says:

    I feel like I am constantly analysing everything I think, feel, say or do. It would be nice to think of something else other than me.

  377. natalie Says:

    Hi guys

    not posted for a while but do check in from time to time to see how people are getting on, fantastic news matt that you are doing so well am genuinely pleased that you are making your way back into a life that you enjoy and appreciate. Also some very positive posts on here about how people have moved on and are happy to share their experience and give hope to those that are suffering. I myself have been doing fine, it has not gone completely but i still had lots of good times and felt more involved in life. My main problem was a bit of an abusive relationship although at the time i couldn’t see it, my husband was very good at put downs and mind games and whilst i was suffering i put up with it because the fear of him leaving was so overwhelming. Well it finally came to a head and i had the guts to tell him to leave, it was the posts that say face your fear and only then will you be free. And although my angst has obviously increased i know in the long run i have done the right thing. The main issues i am having is my children are obviously feeling the split and esp my seven year old who has always been close to his dad is crying so much and it really hurts to see him so unset. That with my ex texting how low he is feeling and he is worthless.. which makes me worry he will do something silly.. has seen my angst soar in the last few days. It is so hard and i just wanted to share and know that there is so much support and that i am going to be ok eventually. I know deep down my ex will not do anything as when he texts never asks about me .. even tho it ws due to his actions the angst started and at no time did i say the stuff he is texting me as he was never there to give me any support. Any positive words of encouragement would be so helpful right now. I just want to be strong for my boys and not have them having to be upset anhy more than they have to, i do think they must wonder why mummy acts certain ways but try to remind myself i am doing the best taht i can and that they rather i am here than not !! hopefully today was just a bad day and things will calm down… thanks for listening guys just to share has made me feel so comforted.

  378. Mark R Says:

    Just been to friends house and then for a game of snooker and darts.

    One thing I have noticed and I’m sure its the same for all of us is that its not the situation that makes me feel crap/anxious, its myself I need to cope with and accept. I can be more relaxed in a supermarket than in an office with 2 other people. It all depends on whether I am winding myself up or not. So in that case I may as well do anything and if the crap feelings come then balls to em!

  379. Matt Says:

    Natalie…I’ve been through divorce with kids involved, it’s hard. My divorce is almost finalized. She had an affair and continued to have one last year til that didn’t work out so she wanted to come running back to me as if I would just automatically get back together and act like things never happened. Well I told her it was over at that point and I was filing for divorce. We have a two year old and I also have a ten year old from a previous relationship, so he was pretty upset. But I know for a fact that I did the right thing and don’t regret my decisions. Did I feel anxious and like crap while it was all going on? yes, because that’s how people are supposed to feel in those situations. I’d be more worried if you acted like everything was fine and you were on cloud nine. It was hard to go through, but I believe everyone that goes through it feels the same way most of the time. But you have to do what is best for you and your children, whatever that is.

    When there are real circumstances to feel worried and anxious about it’s confusing when we have to deal with anxiety already. So allow yourself to feel the pain and stay positive for your kids, that’s what I had to do because I had no other choice. Anyways, good luck to you and I’m sorry you’re going through this.

  380. Michelle m Says:

    Kelly what’s causing yours? I know what caused mine but am trying to find out a different cause for some reason!? X

  381. Mark R Says:

    3d?

  382. kelly Says:

    Yeah like before people would look a bit 2dimensonial if that makes sense

  383. Mark R Says:

    I know that one Kelly, DP makes everything 2D, 3D means the DP is lessening and you’re more connected with life. Thats how it ends.

    I feel rotten today, cold, down, depressed and everything but I’m gonna go and practice some snooker before the Champions League Final is on later. Like Helen and Jackie said I need to accept how I feel now. Take that leap of faith and know that I will be back to my old self again in the future.

  384. kelly Says:

    Mark,

    I am like that today. Really got this horrible feeling in my stomach about the future. Feel like my future is planned out and that’s scary :( I know I need to start focusing on the present.

  385. kelly Says:

    Its weird cause I haven’t once thought about the dp today, my mind has been more focused on the future and how scary it is because it feels like I know how its going to go now I have a little one.

  386. kelly Says:

    And like I haven’t really had these thoughts before now but I keep wondering about whether I am actually happy with things right now and then I keep getting horrible thoughts like is this it?

    At the same time I just want to hold my boy all day long. I’m confused

  387. kelly Says:

    Do you think maybe now my fears are coming out at a concious level rather than being hidden away in the sub concious?

  388. Mark R Says:

    Kelly,

    Stop trying to make sense of it. I woke up today and felt so miserable so I looked at some of Helens old posts to others to cheer me up.

    In the past my anxiety and depression have told me that my life was crap, so I made changes – I dumped the girl I was in love with, I got rid of a job I loved, I didnt talk to friends. None of this made me feel any better. Its just playing its old tricks. I know for a fact that a few weeks ago before this started I was very happy, now anxiety is making me question everything. When anxious, depressed our mind chucks up so much garbage its unbelievable!

    Your mind will always look for a reason for unhappiness, fear etc as thats what its designed to do but dont fall for it.

    Your mind is worried about the future because you’re scared now, its projecting it into the future. I wont be like this. Like Helen pointed out to me YOU DONT KNOW HOW YOU WILL FEEL IN THE FUTURE or what the future holds.

  389. kelly Says:

    Its like I am scared to focus on the now because my mind is so.focussed on the past and present.

  390. kelly Says:

    And like I am looking at my family and feeling like a rush of butterflies

  391. Rachel A Says:

    Kelly – don’t pay any attention to any weird thoughts you are having, it’s all just the anxiety playing tricks on you. Sometimes I think really awful things but then I remember it’s not really me thinking those things, it’s just the adrenaline induced anxiety that’s making the thoughts come. I know that this is the case because when I go through ‘good’ spells I don’t think about these things hardly at all, or if I do I can recognise immediately how ridiculous they are.
    Have you got any good books you could get your teeth into? I find reading is such a great help as I lose myself in the book and it really helps me to think less about the anxiety. I read the Hunger Games trilogy last week and they were fab :-)
    Hope your day is getting better – the sun is shining a little bit here and I think that sometimes helps. Xx

  392. Michelle M Says:

    Kelly

    A good book to lose yourself in is called The Beach Cafe by Lucy Diamond. Believe me it will take your mind off anxiety and you will get lost in the book. Its a great book and makes you feel so much happier.

    Michelle x

    By the way im having a weird day today too but I think tiredness is doing it today.

  393. kelly Says:

    Isn’t it funny how you don’t care about anything when you have a drink?

  394. mm16 Says:

    mark , i love that ….. if the crap feelings come balls to em . thats one i will remember xx

  395. Mark R Says:

    You;re welcome.

    I still get them often but I just do stuff with them there.

    I still need time to myself though, usually to cry (which I am doing now) in my room.

  396. Ciara30 Says:

    Thanks jo I m doing a little better with the food thankfully. It s hard but I just have to force myself to eat no matter what even when my mouth dries out and I feel I can t swallow I talk some water and laugh at myself and my scary thoughts I know it’s just anxiety playing it wicked trick s on me.

  397. Sophia Says:

    Hi Mark R

    It’s true that anxiety and depression makes us question everything in life..making us unsure of what we actually believe in..
    we start searching for reasons of our unhappiness …then end up avoiding things and people which we feel may be the reason…it’s so easy to fall into the trap of thinking like that. it’s hard at times to accept and believe the feelings of unhappiness and aloofness is due to anxiety or depression..! Which in fact is prolonging the anxiousness in us..how to realise that the” feelings” we go through is due to anxiety..I am a little puzzled on this…

  398. Jo Says:

    Hi Ciara, It’s good that you are doing a little better with your food. It is very difficult I know. I found that distraction helps, I read a mag or come on the laptop while I am eating so that food is not the main event. I still only eat about half of what I used to but that is ok for me because I needed to lose the weight anyway :)

  399. kelly Says:

    Morning all,

    Got a horrible hangover today. I actually forgot what one of these feel like. Must have really let myself go last night :-)

  400. Debbie Says:

    Had a terrible morning, felt so bad so hard not to cry and let it get to u, we went out so I have done something, I just don’t know how people can say ” carry on with your life as tho u haven’t got anxiety, go out and do the things u want to do” I could hardly see cos of the blurred vision which made me feel dizzy and sick, total panic and now home I’m exhausted and have a bad headache.
    I think it’s cos I had been focusing all week in getting the wedding cake I was doing done, worrying over it then when it’s all done I come down with a bump, I’ve had it before.
    I just want to know how to carry on regardless of how you feel cos I cant!

  401. Jo Says:

    Yes you can Debbie, because you are.
    I feel dizzy and blurry eyed most mornings and it’s not nice but you just have to face it and accept it. Did you say you had Claire Weeks book? If so, re read it.
    I have just been down to my local craft shop where there is a demo on and I felt really weird the whole time, but there was a time when I wouldn’t have even gone , so it does get better. Hang in girl, you can do it. x

  402. kelly Says:

    Feeling different today. I’ve spent the morning on the settee with the little one snoozing on me and been catching up on cougar town episodes. Haven’t really thought of anything other than the present moment because that’s all that really matters right now.

  403. Mark R Says:

    Debbie,

    Don’t beat yourself up, you still did it. Everything I do I feel completely detached and I wake up most mornings and want to pull the covers over my head. There will be a time soon when you can do it without the dizziness and sickness.

    I know I shouldnt ask this but has anyone been in a setback which had lasted more than a month?

    Mark

  404. Jo Says:

    Debbie, I think you are amazing, doing those wedding cakes. I couldn’t do that, it’s enough for me to do the ordinary everyday meals, so you are achieving a lot there. Don’t be too hard on yourself. x

  405. kelly Says:

    Mark,

    It will last for as long as you pay attention to it.

    That’s the short answer but I feel its the right one.

  406. kelly Says:

    Hi all,

    Just chiming in with a quick statement. Focusing on the future stops you being happy in the now. You can only control the present moment and nothing else so why not live in that? Is it any wonder we feel disconnected and detached from reality when our mind is somewhere else other than in the here and now?

  407. kelly Says:

    jo,

    Why couldn’t you do that? Its your mind telling you can’t but you can. You can do whatever you want to do. Your letting anxiety own you and dictate what you can and can’t do.

  408. kelly Says:

    Debbie,

    It seems you are constantly analysing what you do. Anxiety feeds off this. It seems like you are trying to do things to make you feel better. This won’t happen, because its not the things you do that make you feel happy. Its how you feel when you are doing them.

    Lets put it this way … When you go out to do something what thoughts go through your mind? Most people just go do things without even thinking about it. If you go and do something with the mindset of oh I feel terrible then more likely than not you will feel terrible doing it and feel terrible after right? Now im not saying that if you say to yourself I am going to be happy doing this then that will happen because it won’t because then your putting pressure on yourself to feel happy.

    This can happen if you stay truly focused on the present moment regardless of the thoughts going around in your mind. There is nothing scary about the here and now, so just focus on that. Who cares if you feel crap tomorrow? Everyone has bad days but if at night you go to bed thinking oh I am going to feel crap tomorrow, chances are you will because you have built up that expectation. You don’t know what’s going to happen in the next hour or day, so just take each moment as it comes not giving a damn how you feel because that’s all it is, just feelings.

    Negative thinking leads to anxiety and anxiety leads to fear. There is the problem.

  409. kelly Says:

    Life will feel like a dream if you are not living it and are not fully engaged in the moment. Yesterday doesn’t matter and tomorrow is a new day.

  410. kelly Says:

    Oh and you won’t just wake up one morning and it will magically be gone. You have to completely 100% change your attitude towards it.

  411. kelly Says:

    If your focus is fully in the present moment it is impossible for your mind and body to be anxious.

  412. Jess h Says:

    Hi guys I haven’t been on here for ages as I have been doing really well!! So on the odd occasions I still get these intrusive horrible thoughts it’s wierd as when they come I am not even feeling anxious so this is what’s bothering me most!! I keep getting random thoughts that I don’t love my boyfriend anymore even though I no I do!! It turns my tummy thy I think these things and worry that because I am not anxious when they come?! Does anyone else feel this I am so far feeling better about my anxiety and initially thought it had gone but this worries me it’s not anxiety and they are real thoughts even though I know there not true xxx any answers please x

  413. kelly Says:

    Jess,

    Anxiety can make you think the most horrible things. It is just adrenaline getting a release. Have you asked yourself why your having that thought? To try and work out if it is that your not happy or just the anxiety talking?

  414. kelly Says:

    jess,

    I have had thoughts like that too. Mark said only yesterday he finished it with someone he was in love with but it was just the anxiety. Its just because your not 100% happy right now you could be thinking its him that’s not making you happy, this might or might not be the case but only you truly know that.

  415. Doreen Says:

    Hi Jo, Teresa and Debbie – thanks for the good will messages over the last couple of weeks. I am now (fingers crossed) feeling quite a lot better. Signing off for a while as we go away to Dusseldorf tomorrow for a few days. I hope you all keep optimistic and that the promised summer will give you some lighter momentsxx

  416. Matt Says:

    Well, I broke it off with that girl, she wasn’t my type at all. Too many tattoo’s and didn’t seem like the type I’d want around my children. The good thing is that I made that decision and it wasn’t the thoughts like, “oh, she’ll hate me, think i’m ugly, weird, etc.” On a different note, Seems like a lot of people struggling with intrusive thoughts, the way I got through it was not being scared of them, follow the tape through, meaning look at it logically, would you actually do those things? I think I can vouch for everyone on here that they wouldn’t. An intrusive thought is an intrusive thought, I had them before anxiety issues and they were random and very rare, because I wasn’t on the lookout for them and feared them when they did come. As long as there is fear and worry involved, you will not get better. Do the opposite and you will recover. I recovered by getting busy and living my life and it’s wonderful and full. The only thing I don’t like is being bored, but I don’t even have time for that anymore! Keep hanging in there guys, it’s gets a whole lot better. For me, I couldn’t imagine my life without the anxiety/dp, now I can’t imagine my life with it, it seems to have dissipated to the point to where I forgot about it. Hope everyone is doing well!

  417. Jo Says:

    Hi Everyone. Feeling pretty bad today, sick, shakes, fear, DP the lot. Don’t know what’s gone wrong. I was doing ok, I thought. I did manage a short walk with the dog, but just couldn’t face the shopping. I feel so scared. x

  418. Jo Says:

    Does anyone else get a really groggy head, almost like being drugged? x

  419. kelly Says:

    Jo,

    Your dwelling on it. That’s what’s gone wrong.

  420. Jerry Says:

    So most of my DP is gone and my anxiety is pretty tamed, however, I noticed that lately I’ve been a big hypochondirac. Anyone deal with this? Where you think any symptom is something terminal. I know this is an off shoot of anxiety, but how do we deal with it? Do we just “let it be”?

  421. Doreen Says:

    Hi Jo – just a quick hug before I leave for the airport. Finding some of the posts a bit sharp to be honest and maybe you are too. Take care love xx

  422. Debbie Says:

    Hiya Jo I get a very groggy head, it’s been bad today it’s awful so I know how u feel!
    What has triggered yours off is there anything in particular? x

  423. kelly Says:

    Guys, im sorry if I have offended anyone with my recent posts but that’s the way it is isn’t it? Paul has even said himself dwelling on it just makes it worse right?

    Again im sorry if I upset anyone, everyone needs support from time to time I understand, yes I feel like crap but I know coming on here telling everyone everyday to be told the same thing is not really going to help.

  424. Jo Says:

    Thanks Doreen and Debbie. Yes Doreen I agree with you on the posts. If we could pull ourselves out of it I’m sure most of us would! Thanks for the hug and have a great time…although I expect you have gone now :) xx
    Debbie, I don’t think anything sparked it, I just woke up feeling horrible and it hasn’t gone off like it usually does. Been trying to live with it all day, but as you say, it’s horrible. All I’ve been able to eat is half a cuppa soup so I suppose this is no wonder I feel weak and dizzy. Hope you are getting along ok. xx

  425. mm16 Says:

    hi jo and debbie i have the groggy head makes me feel weak and no energy . i try and eat little and often , i dont focus and dwell on the feelings but my goodness i cannot help but notice they are there , hope we all have a better day tommorow xx

  426. mm16 Says:

    if i could feel physically better i would instantly feel so much better , that sounds silly but thats how i feel , it is feeling so weak and tired that is so hard to deal with xx

  427. Debbie Says:

    Jo, I suppose there’s not usually a reason is there? I’m feeling so fed up with feeling crap, it drags u down. I get frustrated with myself I sometimes feel like banging my head against the wall! I’ve re- read Claire Weekes book, but felt so groggy headed I find it hard to take it in. To be honest I’m in a I give up mood, I’ve read Paul’s book several times too but I’m still the same, I’m obviously not getting it!
    mm16 … I totally agree if we felt physically better at least u can cope a bit better but I feel so exhausted with it all, I actually thought this morning that’s it I can’t carry on but I have that little hope that things will get better!

  428. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Debbie your going down the wrong path by the sounds of it, if you are re-reading constantly then you are trying to find some solution and trying to make yourself feel better, your in ‘Fix it’ mode and just going round in circles, this is why you feel more exhausted than ever.

    My suggestion would be to completely dump the subject and go and do other things and gradually whilst you take a break from going over and over things, feeling sorry for yourself, a little of the old you will come back. Just basically live your life with these feelings and take them with you, if you do this there is nothing to fix. If you feel in a hole, allow yourself to feel in a hole, don’t spend all day trying to dig your way out, this will exhaust you even more and keep you stuck in a cycle.

    Trust me I was there at one stage

    Paul

  429. kelly Says:

    Hi all,

    I am sorry, i feel exactly the same as you all but im starting to not care how i feel. Is the dp and everything still there? Yes but right now i couldn’t care less. Its starting to not matter of its there or not.

    The point i was trying to get across is there is only so much support some people can give us, we have to do the rest ourself.

    again, sorry if i upset anyone.

  430. Debbie Says:

    Paul thank you I will do what u suggest, I know u shouldn’t look for answers but u do hope to read something that will help when your so desperate I’m sure u and everyone else went down that dead end road, thank u again!

  431. Vamanan Says:

    Last Monday, I felt like I have finally reached recovery as the weeks before it I had good days and most importantly was able to distinguish anxious thoughts / worries and able to respond with no mind chatter. My mind was in a calm state where I felt very peaceful.

    But series of real life problems, stressful issues (plus some of my negative thinking habits) have put myself in anxious state within the space of one week. In this state, I automatically get caught up in the worries and its not one particular worry, it jumps from one to another. My mind gets really good in magnifying tiny negligible matters into really huge problems. My body also has some uneasy feelings plus ringing ears, dry eyes, anxiousness etc etc.

    But unlike before, I am aware of this and not to try to solve any of them by worrying (Not that worrying ever solved anything for me). Today may be it doesn’t feel good but my goal for tough days like this is to make a list of things I want to do today (Working on project, Eat properly, Get out and get some air, clean my car, socialize little bit) and do them and go to sleep with the satisfaction I didn’t let anxiety stop anything for me from doing. Also I will try to grasp anything that takes my mind off completely (watching a kid playing in the grass, or a puppy or a bird etc.) And then tomorrow is a new day. :)

  432. Mark R Says:

    Debbie, I’ve been making the same mistake as you for a while, reading stuff and hoping it will go away. You’re looking for recovery and piling more pressure on yourself.

    You need to do stuff and let yourself feel utter crap. I just went for food down the local with friends, all dp’d out to the max and felt the adrenalin rising telling me to get out of there. I stopped and it calmed down. As Paul said in his previous posts each time we do this we are winning. I must’ve felt like the weirdest person in there but I’m probably not the only person in there with anxiety.

    Vermanan

    I went through a period of around 8 months where I thought I was recovered or on the very edge of recovery. Seems I wasn’t as I am currently dealing with a setback. Sounds likd you have a plan anyway so keep doing what you’re doing and you will feel as good as before

    Mark

  433. mm16 Says:

    mark you sound better attitude today , lovely to hear you went with friends for something to eat , good lad realy pleased for you x

  434. ginger797 Says:

    hi mark r…in your post you said”felt the adrenalin rising telling me to get out of there. I stopped and it calmed down.” every time i feel like this which isnt very often now but i always feel like crying i guess its how i feel when i get scared i seem to want to cry and i hate that,do you feel like that and how do you get the adrenalin to calm down????

  435. Ana Says:

    anyone here ever tried grounding exercises/therapy? :]

  436. Jo Says:

    Hi Debbie and mm16, thanks for the input. I feel a little better this morning, just hope it carries on. I know Paul is right about taking the feelings with you but it is so hard when all you want is to not have those feelings. I can do it when the sensations are not too bad but on a really horrible day like yesterday, it is almost impossible. x

    ginger797 – I often feel I want to cry and sometimes I think it might be a release if I did, but somehow it doesn’t happen. I think I am afraid if I cry or laugh I won’t be able to stop and will lose control. Adrenaline will calm down by itself after a few minutes, but I find doing something physical helps to take the edge off, or try a couple of deep breaths. x

  437. Sandeep Says:

    Needed a little help with accepting. I know its not helpful to go around w/ sayings all day to make yourself feel better but I’m finding it very difficult to develop the so what attitude. The “I dont care” saying helps a bit but I’m not able to transition from there to the “I dont care” attitude. Any suggestions would be most welcome. Thanks.

  438. Steff Says:

    Hi guys,
    So I haven’t been on here for months, had a baby 7 weeks ago and have felt so happy it is unreal! Until this weekend anxiety is back! Went to a christening and on the drive there I got into a panic (I panic I need to pee) I actually handled the situation really well I didn’t pee myself and once calmed down I had a lovely day with good friends! Well now I am thinking “oh no the anxiety is back, say if I panic at next group out with friends, how can I go on my friends hen do! Some advice would be great, I have been in such a good place where I wasn’t even thinking of anxiety, I want to go back to that place!
    Love and hugs x

  439. Sandeep Says:

    Steff – you need to tell yourself so what if you panic next time you go out. It doesnt matter. Dont worry about how you come across with others – its always much better than it seems anyway. That attitude will take away the fear associated with how you are feeling. Tell yourself so what?

  440. Mark R Says:

    Morning all,

    A tough morning for me really, although the sun is shining it makes it even more difficult as you see everyone else seemingly happy and functioning.

    I have to say this is the hardest setback I have ever dealt with. Ones in the past have only ever lasted 3-4 days maximum; this has been just over a month now. I’m beginning to get really impatient with time/myself and I know this doesn’t help matters at all.

    The mornings are always the hardest though……………

    Mark.

  441. Steff Says:

    Thanks Sandeep I needed to hear that! I know I’m not as bad as I have been in the past! Maybe I needed this little setback to appreciate how far I have come! Hen do isn’t until June next year I’m not going to waste all this time worrying about it! Well try not too 😉
    Oh well gonna get on with this day as best as I can x

  442. Michelle M Says:

    Hi everyone

    Just thoughts needed please…

    I feel generally “normal” for 3 weeks of the month and for the last week am a bit of a wreck really. Worry about various things, suffer with intrusive thoughts etc. So this week I am feeling quite normal but am terrified that I am now becoming mentally unwell with so many ups and downs. Is this just anxiety again or do you think I should see my Gp and explain my symptoms.

    I am so concerned that they will diagnose me with a mental illness of some description. What shall I do? Just go along with it all and not worry?

    Sorry for asking for help once again.

    Michelle xx

  443. Michelle M Says:

    Oh and another thing.

    I keep on looking back to when i was younger looking for signs that maybe things werent right then. I think I was quite normal lol. Im sure that things would have been picked up before the age of 40 right?

    Thanks once again.

    Michelle xx

  444. Jo Says:

    Hi Michelle, I suppose anxiety is a mental illness in a way, but I know what you mean. By all means see your doctor for reassurance, but I don’t think he will say you have anything else wrong. After all i’m sure a mental illness would manifest itself all the time and not just every few weeks. I would guess it is just anxiety rearing its ugly head every now and again. Maybe others can help more. x

  445. Michelle M Says:

    Thanks Jo.

    I should have said see my GP again. I have mentioned this to two GPs (about my intrusive thoughts) which is what started off this anxiety issue in the first place. They have both said I have nothing to worry about and also my CBT lady says the same. It gets hard to believe sometimes.

    How are you Jo? Hope you are still feeling ok today.

    Michelle xx

  446. conqueranxiety Says:

    Does smoking increases anxiety. I see that whenever I smoke a cigratte my anxiety increases and peaks. Doesanyone also feel the same.

  447. Michelle M Says:

    Maybe cos smoking speeds up your heart rate? Just makes you feel slightly different? Just a thought.

    Michelle xx

  448. Jeff Says:

    Michelle,
    I was 39 when my anxiety started and I’m sure it was caused by a variety of behaviors I had adopted throughout the last decade that had created an inconsistency between who I thought I was and who I had actually become. I was dodging bullets, so to speak, and avoiding many things about my life and my situation. It came to a head and I no longer have the luxury of avoidance. For me it’s about growing up… seems logical that in a modern society which values youth above all other things that someone in their forties might get a little freaked out. Too old to be young, and old enough to know better. Our expectations for ourselves might not be matched up with our realities, etc, etc. Lots of reasons for the late onset in my opinion.
    The ups and downs are a part of recovery and will continue for a while. I don’t think worrying about being diagnosed with some deeper mental illness is helpful. Just try and ride this out. Worrying about becoming bi-polar will surely just make it worse. I thought I was going insane for a long time, it never happened (and if it did I don’t know about it:).

    Conqueranxiety:
    funny you should mention the smoking. I quit a month before my first panic attack after 23 years of smoking. I’m sure quitting was a contributing factor. I started again recently and am definitely noticing that it’s tied to small bursts of anxiety. I get a tightness in my chest and have to breathe through it. The chest thing was never a symptom of my anxiety so I know it’s smoking that is causing it. I have to quit again, but I’m a little freaked that it will cause me to experience some anxiety again. Anyway… that’s my two cents on it.

  449. Debbie Says:

    Michelle, you say u feel quite good for 3 wks out of 4 have you thought it could be hormonal?

  450. Michelle m Says:

    Jeff thanks for your reply. you are so right about worryin not being helpful.

  451. Mark R Says:

    Hi all.

    I’ve probably had the best day so far in this setback despite me posting at 9.00 am this morning proclaiming it was a terrible start.

    Today I was equally interested in my work as I was my anxiety and thats the first time thats happened in setback. I also walked around in the sun at lunchtime, bought a paper and ate my lunch. I almost was myself today.

    I decided to go for a run around the park, did 8 laps of the lake and felt better after.

    I know I shouldnt be analysing the way I feel but I thought it would be good to get my personal musings on here to remind myself of better days.

    I still have DP though even on the good days, but I am waiting for the fog of it to lift. I need to be patient. Like Matt said it is like a dark tunnel and you just gotta keep pushing through it.

  452. Debbie Says:

    Jo just wondering how u?

  453. Michelle M Says:

    Hi

    Didnt realise my last comment posted! Bloody phones.

    This is really the only thing keeping me anxious but over time Im hoping it will disappear.

    Debbie I have had my hormone levels checked and one time they came back peri menopausal and the other time they were ok. I really do think it is somehow hormonal but at the time cant accept it.

    I dread that week coming up.

    Michelle xx

  454. Jo Says:

    Hi Michelle and Debbie. I’m feeling better than the other day thanks. Had a fairly decent day yesterday and managed to ignore how I felt but not doing so well again today. Got the dizzy, groggy head, but I’ve been awake since about 5am so I suppose it’s not surprising. I had my CBT cancelled at a minutes notice again last week and not heard anything about another appointment.To be honest it has been no help at all. All I’ve had is phone calls to ask how I am doing and to give me a new ‘score’. I don’t think the right kind of help is offered to people in our situations, and I think that people who have not suffered this can have any understanding of how bad it gets.
    Michelle, the fact that you dread that week coming is probably what brings it on, although I know you can’t help it. x

  455. Debbie Says:

    Jo, I was awake at 5 as well, I’ve got a lot worse the last few days, yesterday I did a few things like walking the dog, taking my grand daughter to the park and I went to my other daughters in the evening, we watch a film every tues or do a face pack, I felt terrible round there tho but I stayed.
    So, I’m carrying on but today it’s really taken a hold x

  456. Jo Says:

    Hi Debbie, I am the same today, feel really off. But I decided to get on with some housework, so I ‘bottomed’ as my Mum used to call it, our bedroom.Shifted the bed and furniture, cleared out junk from under the bed(I’m ashamed at the dust that was under there!) vacuumed and dusted everything. I can’t say it made me feel any better symptoms wise, but I feel I have achieved something anyway.
    Debbie, when you say you feel terrible, is it fear you are feeling..or that sense of not being quite real? I get both. Sometimes these waves of fear come over me so strong. It is the feeling on unreality that gets to me, I find that very hard to deal with. It’s almost like I have lost part of me somewhere. Does that sound too weird?
    Anyway, I often think of you when I am feeling bad. I say to myself ‘Debbie feels as bad as you and she makes cakes…so get on with it’ :)
    I also try to find excuses as to why I feel dizzy and groggy. Like, ‘You’ve been awake for ages and had nothing to eat..of course you feel dizzy’
    But that doesn’t explain the unreality, and although Paul has explained it in his book I still find it hard to accept.
    Hope you feel better soon. xx

  457. Jo Says:

    Paul, if you read this I hope you are having a great time.

  458. Debbie Says:

    Jo everything u say I feel the same fear, DP all of it.
    I had this four years ago it was terrible cos I didn’t know what was happening, this time I do know more but I think I feel frightened cos I know how bad it can get, it seems as tho it’s going the same way, sometimes I wonder if I’ve thought oh we’ll it’s going to be the same as before so that’s why it is! I feel as tho I’ve no control what so ever, when like yesterday I did all the normal things I probably wrongly think ” I’ve done normal things why don’t I feel better!”
    It’s so hard to accept and get on anyway isnt it?
    The mental health woman phoned me back but could only offer me what I have already done which didn’t help, then I feel more anxious cos there’s nothing left to try.
    So, if I know there’s only Paul’s way, but cos I can’t accept, i still fight it and do all the things that doesn’t help I’m obviously staying in the cycle..and getting worse! Ive got to learn how to accept that I’m going to feel bad doing normal things, stop pressurising myself and beating myself up,it’s so frustrating cos I can see what I’m doing but can’t seem to stop it.
    Well done for spring cleaning your bedroom, it’s not easy to get motivated, I’m glad I make you think! I’ve got a cake to do for Saturday, it’s for a man whose going to be 80 , he goes fishing on his bike, so I shall do him sitting on a log with his rod with his bike leaning the other side, at this very moment I’m thinking how will I be able to do it feeling like I do but I’m sure I will!
    Have a chill this afternoon u deserve it! xx

  459. Bill Says:

    Hi all,does anyone have lightheadedness/dizziness all the time,as soon as i get out of bed i am rocking,it is that bad i am tensing my legs and feet against it
    hence i am always shattered and ultra tense and think i am about to fall over,any comments please,thanks.

  460. Jo Says:

    Hi Debbie. I am like you. I suffered badly in 2004, which was diagnosed as severe depression, but after reading Claire weeks book I am now sure it was actually a nervous breakdown. At that times I was 10 times worse than I am now and I got back to me, but I am still doubting it will happen this time. I don’t want to get that bad again, and I don’t want anti depressants and so I feel there is no answer. It’s that fear I think, that is keeping this going.
    It is so hard accepting Debbie, but that is the way forward. I keep getting it, then losing it again. It will come for you, but it will be gradual. It doesn’t happen just like that. everything takes practise and this is no different. You will do the cake, I know you will because I can tell from your posts you are stronger than you think. xx
    Bill, I often feel dizzy and lightheaded and mornings are always my worst time, and often start with vomiting. Are you sleeping and eating properly, because that can be a cause of the lightheadedness. I often feel better after a bit of lunch, no matter how small. I usually feel afraid to fall asleep in the afternoons because I usually end up feeling worse if I do, but if I manage the odd few minutes of ‘drifting’ on and off I find that helps.

  461. mm16 Says:

    hi bill , just had to take my mum for chemo i actually thought i was going to collapse with the dizziness and light head but made it through . like you i have it every day bill , horrible to feel light head and dizzy . i try not to but find i have to rest for a while with it , also eat little and often , also i have just started to drink plenty of water through out the day , to make sure im not dehydrated . i have had this for 3 years now , wish i could tell you how to get rid of it , accept as claire weekes would say thats all we can do . hope everyone else is ok today . a lovely bunch you all are xxx

  462. Bill Says:

    Hi Jo,i take one 15 mg mirtazapine at night and that gets me a good nights sleep,before i was like you waking at 4 every morning.I feel so physically tired that i lie down a lot,perhaps that does not help.I have been lightheaded for a year now but it seems to be getting stronger and is with me any time i am standing.We could form a club,the hard to accept club,i wish i could learn the secret,i am torturing myself.I wish Joshua was still around,he suffered badly with it but i guess he is recovered now,good luck to him if that is so,regards,Bill.

  463. Bill Says:

    mm16 thanks for your reply,i have started to drink plenty of water and it does help,does yours seem to vary in strenghts,sometimes it feels as if someone is tugging a piece of string in my head.My posture is awful when walking,i noticed in a shop window yesterday i was leant over forwards bracing myself.Do your legs and bachache with the tension of it all.Hope all goes well for your mum,regards Bill.

  464. marcb Says:

    Hi all, I’ve been an idiot, a 100% pure idiot. My recovery was going well (check my previous posts) then on Saturday I was out with all my mates watching the football, me and mu mates team west ham won so the drink flowed and I was having a great time, later on in the evening tho, when I was pretty drunk I stupidly joined a few of my crowd in having some cocaine. I woke up on Sunday morning absolutely livid with myself, it was only a little bit but even so taking that rubbish isnt going to.do me any favours, and it hasn’t, I have gone into severe worrying mode since Saturday, worries about my mum my g/f my future and a whole lot more. I’m not totally sure why I’m telling u.this, probably so one of you gives me a good ‘ol rollicking and maybe for someone to tell me that my “blowout” on Saturday is going to have a detremental effect on how I’m feeling. Many thanks….. Marcb

  465. Carly Says:

    Hi Paul. I really love your blog and enjoy reading your posts. It’s so funny because everything you described regarding panic attacks and GAD, describes how I feel exactly. I had a pretty serious panic attack back in 2005 where I was hospitalized for over a week. My psyhchiatrist at the time put me on Tegretol (this medication is supposed to be to control seizures, but can also be used for anxiety) and it seemed to work; however now, looking back on it and after reading your blog, it probably wasn’t actually the drug that helped me. I’m thinking it was a mindset. I knew I was on a medication and subconsiously, I got better. Eventually after doing fairly well for so long on this pill, I took myself off of it, which I know you should never do, but I was scared to continue taking it because it could have serious effects on the liver. I had to have blood work done every 3 months. Anyway, to my surprise, I was fine for another long stretch after I had stopped taking the Tegretol. I’m not even sure why I had the panic and worry to begin with, but I do believe it is a mindset and certain people just end up with it and need to learn to cope without pills. Pills just cover up the problem, they don’t actually solve it.

    Fast forward to today, 2012. My panic and GAD isn’t as bad as it was in 2005/2006, but I’ve noticed that certain things in life these days seem to trigger it. Before, when I was hospitalized, I didn’t know why it was happening because I didn’t have the same worries as I do today. People would ask me what’s wrong and I couldn’t give them an answer. My psychiatrist technically didn’t know what was wrong either. She knew I had some kind of anxiety/depression, but I wasn’t given an actual diagnosis.

    This may sound a bit weird, but if I am in a hospital, no matter what the occasion, even if I am going to see a baby after they were just born, I’m suddenly overwhealmed with depression. I’ve always felt like this in a hospital for as long as I can remember. Not sure why this happens, but I usually feel depressed for days and then I slowly come out of it.

    Another strange thing that triggers my panic is the thought of my father passing away, which is silly because of course he is going to pass away one day. We all are. It’s something I have no control over and should not even think about, but since he is getting older (70 years old) I continue to worry. I feel like when he does pass away, I will end up back in the hospital due to anxiety and panic. I am the only child and he is single, so I also feel anxiety at the thought of me ever leaving his home like moving out and leaving him to live alone. I imagine someday soon that might have to happen like if I get married or whatever.

    I’m really trying hard to not think about these things becaused death and hospitals and moving out of your parent’s home into your own home are a normal parts of life. Being hospitalized for such things is embarassing to me, but in reading your blog and seeing what other people are posting, I know I’m not alone and I’m not crazy, which is comforting. My dad has been there with me through it all. He doesn’t understand why it happens, but he loves me still and he is always there to support me. My other family members are supportive as well. The only one who isn’t is my boyfriend of 8 years. He thinks I’m weird when it comes to this stuff, so I don’t discuss it with him ever. Overall, he is not an understanding person, unless he deems it as something “normal”, whatever that means.

    Sorry for my rant!

    –Carly

  466. Jeff Says:

    Marcb… don’t feel bad, I have made the exact same mistake. It was the hangover that got me too. I’m done for good with it now, and I hope you are too. Don’t let your mates push you into it.

  467. Jo Says:

    Hi Bill and mm16. This is probably a daft question but have you both had your iron checked? Or thyroid? lack of either could lead to dizziness and extreme tiredness. It is easy to assume everything is down to anxiety.

    marcb – we all do stupid things sometimes, but drugs I wouldn’t touch in a million years.I can feel bad enough without them. I think your worries now stem from your worries about taking that stuff. I don’t know what to tell you,except that it is done now and maybe it is just your anger and disappointment with your self that is causing the problem. Try to put it behind you, no one is perfect.

  468. Bill Says:

    Jo,i had everything checked last year when i was bad with my stomach and all was clear.My extreme wearyness is due to the fact i am tensing up when upright because of the lightheadedness.My legs especially calves and thighs
    are the worst as well as my shoulders,when someone says relax to me my shoulders drop about 4 inches,thats how tense i am.Regards

  469. Jo Says:

    Ok Bill, it was just a thought. I hope things get better for you soon.

  470. mm16 Says:

    hi bill , thats it the calves and thighs , i have just said to my daughter it feels like i have run miles . a friend of my daughters is a massage therapist and said to me last week , what have you done to cause these big knots in your shoulders?? she does not no about me having anxiety…. she told me to get a massage but said it will hurt getting them knots out . just same as you bill i tense my body all the time , wonder if going to a hydropool would help . we will have to keep reminding ourselves to drop the shoulders and itotally get what you mean bill about the dizziness varing in strentgh .my backache is from sciatica that i have so that doesnt help at all . dont i seem to be moaning haha . one good thing bill my arms use to ache as bad as my legs but thats gone now . i might go for the massage just scared if i get panic there , no im going to go for one , i will let you know how it goes bill . you made me think about posture so true , im sure i walked head up before this .nice hearing from you and glad we have this site .

  471. mm16 Says:

    hi jo , thank you so much for asking about iron levels , yes had mine checked last year , my ferratin was very low at 4 , but the doctor said he wasnt prescribing iron tablets that i had to do it with diet ( hard when no appetiite ) think the ferratin is the iron stores in your body , i should go get it checked out again to see if they have risen . thanks jo xx

  472. John Smithy Says:

    Hi everyone,

    This is my first time posting…this website has helped me immensely. Thank you Paul and everyone here for all of the helpful information.

    My anxiety has ‘changed’ over the past few years. I went from having panic attacks to other fears. I overcame the fear of developing OCD and now my latest fear is causing me some heartache. About 2 years ago, I must have been stressed out and while trying to fall asleep, I just started having the strangest thoughts, like I was half asleep/half awake. I then started waking up more throughout the night and remembering my dreams, especially if they were not pleasant. Lately, I wake up and my mind wants to always look for dreams I had and how weird or bad they are. Some days, if I wake up and have noticed that I have had a bad dream, it just zaps the energy out of me and I obsess about it for most of the day, thinking that something must be wrong with me.

    I have had a lot of success since I came to this site. I would say I’m 75percent recovered however this habit is still there.

    I appreciate any help!

  473. mm16 Says:

    bill , i have just dropped my shoulders and you are right it felt like four inches!!!

  474. marcb Says:

    Thank u for.your replies! Very much appreciated….. Marcb

  475. Debbie Says:

    Ha reading about dropping your shoulders i just done it and they dropped about two inches, I can do that with my legs as well when I realise they r tense I let them go floppy and it’s surprising how better they feel.
    It’s so sad to think how many of us r suffering, if only there was an easy answer!

  476. Bill Says:

    mm16 yes i think a massage would be a big help,all i want to do is lie down which will only make matters worse i guess.As lightheaded as i feel i have not fallen yet,touch wood.If it is any help to anyone i listen to Hilary Jones CD Ultimate Relaxation,he has a very soothing voice and it does help,that is until i stand up again.Perhaps we could form a pop group and callourselves the tensations ?Best wishes to all.

  477. Mark R Says:

    Hi all,

    Had another good day considering my setback and haven’t had an awful one now since Thursday – hopefully I’m on the up.

    Just thought I’d share a few things that has helped me over the past week or so.

    Exercise – I’m not marathon runner but I found that a few laps round my local park has helped me every day. I’m so unfit I walk half the way but hopefully this will improve.

    Relaxation – I read a great article that the nervous system goes haywire with anxiety and depression and it needs rebalancing. Every evening I just do some deep breathing while watching a film or something. Meditiation also helps. Overall it helps lower our stress and anxiety levels and stops the fight or flight response from triggering inappropriately.

    Keeping busy – Rather than wallowing. Its important to do something even if you only have half a mind on it. Half a mind on something positive is better than a full mind on self pity, feelings and symptoms.

    Having faith in myself – I think Jo mentioned that she had a very bad bout in 2004 which she overcame but wasnt sure if she could pull through this time. Well I am similar really, I have sufferered a hell of a lot worse in the past but came through and never ever thought I’d recover. I chatted this through with my therapist who said that the fact that this time round its a lot less intense means I have built a reslience to it. I think if you have had more severe bouts in the past then this should be your staff to use in your current difficulty. My old therapist said anxiety/depression is like a lake, when you first suffer you are up to your neck, second time your waist, then knees etc.

    Look for improvements not recovery – I think the more you compare how you are now to how you were when you are well the more you are likely to feel fed up. I have kept a spreadsheet of how I felt, I know this goes against the grain a little of Pauls method but I can look back and see the progress I have made. In the space of just 3 weeks I have gone from sitting outside my therapists house a paranoid wreck to going back to work full time, going jogging, playing snooker, going the pub etc.

    The mornings – I always find my anxiety highest in the mornings and I am really down, grumpy and agitated. This happens everyday without fail but I have had 2 really good days despite this. Dont let the waking up feeling fool you into thinking its going to be a shocker.

    As the old saying goes ‘you cant run on a broken leg’. I think we can relate anxiety to this. Our minds are in a fragile state, and needs all the support it can get. It doesn’t want anymore deep thinking, impatience etc. Claire Weekes said occupation is the crutch a mind needs for recovery along with utter acceptance.

    One more thing I thought may be useful is something my therapist said. He said that with anxiety he could relate it to Freddie Kruger from Nightmare on Elm Street. I know this sounds a bit odd. Well in those films if you remember Freddie only had power over the kids when they were scared of him. When they paid him no mind at all his powers faded completely. Quite a good analogy of anxiety I thought.

    I know I’m not out of the woods yet but I have had some good days, I’m still Dp’d up, I’m still not myself and I could have another shocking week to come. I just wanted to say that even though you feel terrible now its possible to have a good few days. You’re all familar with my posts over the last month and how desperate and suicidal I felt but it wont always be like it.

    Hope that helps.

    Mark.

  478. Jo Says:

    Great post Mark R – thanks for that, all very helpful, and good to hear you are feeling more positive.

    Reading about the dropping of shoulders made me smile. When I was really ill
    in 2004 I was the other way. I was curled up in myself, and as I got better my doctor said he could see I was improving because I looked two inches taller!

  479. Jo Says:

    mm16. Yes I think it would be a good idea for you to be checked again, it could have fallen a bit since your last check. I can’t understand your doctor not giving you iron, but you can buy it over the counter, although of course it is best to get advice on it. As you say, you won’t be getting iron if you are not eating. x

  480. Debbie Says:

    Well done Mark its a relief to hear someone’s doing ok, its what we all need especially some of us who r struggling, I have felt very suicidal this last week, I must get out for more walks as a lot of people say it helps.
    Does anyone know why the mornings r so bad?
    I’ve been having a think ( that’s not unusual is it?) and I’m going to stop thinking I SHOULD be doing this and that to get better, like I shall take the dog out for the enjoyment for her and me, not cos I should, hopefully this will help as I realised everything I was doing was to get better, if I feel like having a nap listening to nice music then that’s what I shall do! Fingers crossed x

  481. Jo Says:

    Hi Debbie, my doctor told me why mornings are worse, but when I mentioned it here it seemed to cause some resentment, so I won’t go into it again. Even Dr Weeks didn’t know why it was. My own theory is that you wake up in the morning knowing you have the day to face, and all the things you may not want to do stretched out in front of you and so anxiety increases. Later in the day those things are out of the way, and you can relax.
    Now you are getting it Debbie, do things for enjoyment not because you think it will make you better, and do them even though you feel bad. I love taking our dog to the beach in the afternoon because she loves it so much and her tail never stops wagging. It doesn’t make my symptoms disappear but it makes me feel happy to see her enjoying herself so much.

  482. Mark R Says:

    No worries, I posted as I was in a terrible place only last week so its possible to move on very quickly.

    In truth though I’ve not been myself since the end of 2009. For around ten months up til March this year the anxiety and DP were at such a low level I couldn’t have given a toss how I felt. People say I was better than ever but I think only we know ourselves when we are well and happy, and we’ve all been there.

    I don’t mind getting back to how I was in March but obviously true recovery is the ultimate target.

  483. Sally Says:

    Hi Jerry
    When I am in full blown anxiety mode I always get health fears and worry about dying.So you are not alone in the hypocondria bit.Sally

  484. Monica Says:

    Mark – Totally agree about the relaxation. The best thing I’ve ever done in terms of my anxiety was to practice relaxation. I listened to relaxation hypnosis / meditation mp3s every night when going to bed and I used to get SO RELAXED…like getting a massage relaxed ahaha and it was heaven. Really helped get me back to normal and out of the high anxiety state I was stuck in. (This was a few months back)

    Anyways, I’m doing good…more hopeful…I think it’s because I spent time around family this weekend and went out and everything was light and joyful and it’s put me in a positive state. hope everyone is well xx

  485. Debbie Says:

    Jo, I remember now I think I agree with u on that! Hope u r having a good morning, I’m doing this and that feeling Okish sat in the garden and listened to the birds it was lovely, I could hear the ducks over the pond in the distance obviously fighting over something….we’re not the only ones with problems!!

  486. Jo Says:

    Hi Debbie, not feeling so good today. Muzzy head, sickly, tired muscles – you know the feeling. It’s funny how you can feel ok one day and then so bad the next. I have been pottering in the garden too, but it’s gone a bit cool and dull now. Just having half an hour on the settee with my doggie! Glad you are getting on with stuff and feeling ok. I think some days that is the best we can hope for. x

  487. mm16 Says:

    hi jo , same with me today feel terrible and so tired , how do you go on with everyday things feeling this exhausted . dont know if to push through or give in and lay down, i slept well but woke this tired and aching , must hold myself tense all night . i am 48 , and was full of energy and very happy before this hit me , i took on a awfull lot of hours at work then the insomnia started and collapsed at work , then had a panic attack . that is 3 years ago and i am still exhausted ,i will try and eat something now and stop moaning . love to you all xx

  488. Jo Says:

    Hi mm16. I don’t know how we go on, but we do. I’m afraid I do give in every now and again, and get on the settee! If I feel up to it I do things, if not, well it’s not the end of the world to take a break is it?
    I think we have just got to learn to say ‘so what if I am ill today’ After all no one would expect a person with a physical illness to be a tower of strength, would they? Sounds like you went through it a bit, back then, and now your body needs time to heal and get over it. And don’t forget your body needs fuel, so you will be tired. I have had one slice of toast for my lunch, just couldn’t face any thing else. I can’t even finish a full cup of tea. Moan all you want, no one minds. Take care. xx

  489. mm16 Says:

    i am going to start going back to the gym for the hydropool and sauna for relaxation, only thing is a lot of people i use to work with go there and one woman actually said to me , oh yes you had to give up your job because of mental problems , makes me feel very bitter because all managment use to go on about was confidentiality ?? anyway i will put my head up and go . xx

  490. mm16 Says:

    hi jo and thank you , made me laugh that is what i had a piece of toast . thank you everyone on here i appriciate every one of you xx

  491. Jo Says:

    You are welcome mm16. You go to the pool and if anyone says that to you again, just look them in the eye and say ‘Yes, you’re one of them’ :)
    Just got back from a walk on the beach ans it is very foggy up there. Can’t even see the sea. x

  492. Debbie Says:

    Sounds lovely a walk along the beach, where do u live Jo? I’m in Portsmouth so have the beach but I live too far to walk there, I have got my bike and I did put my yorkie Ruby in the basket once. We have a lovely pond and park round the corner to us its lovely but I’m not good in the heat so go later when it’s cooled.
    Sorry your not so good today it is weird how it can change, it doesn’t help cos I feel as tho I’m on a roller coaster constantly.
    mm16… You go and enjoy the pool sod them, think of yourself don’t worry what people think, they could end up like u if they work for the same company as u did!
    Have a good evening x

  493. Charlotte Says:

    Hey guys, hope everyone is enjoying the weather best they can! I’m struggling a bit with day to day stuff… I get up, go for a walk, perhaps pop to the post office if I need to and read and watch tv the rest of the day. I feel like i’m getting so so frustrated with this non existant living but I just can’t get out of my rut. My confidence is pretty shot, so I get very disorientated driving not to mention anxious, I can’t bare to go anywhere on my own. Social situations, I do as Paul did which is avoid them as I just don’t feel like seeing anyone. Now i’m like where do I go from here? My energy and motivation is 0! x

  494. Debbie Says:

    Charlotte your not alone I think that’s what a lot of us do, when I had anxiety four years ago, I got to the point of feeling like you, thinking is this it? A little job offer came up I took it and it was the best thing I did, I was very anxious but I knew I could do it and it made everything fit into place I was ready for it but the anxiety held me back, I had to just go for it, luckily it was only a few hours and doing something I was interested in.
    If your not ready for work, then what about a hobby? Change of routine even helps, is there something you’ve always fancied doing? x

  495. Charlotte Says:

    Debbie that’s really funny you should say that…my friend said that a little old lady she knows needs some help after her operation perhaps a few hours a day (paid). I dont think it’s for a few weeks yet, and I did say I’m interested even though im scared and my nerves have (i think) only just started healing,but mayb that could be my breakthrough back into normality? I definatly need to change my routine a bit, I think I need to force myself to go out a bit more, and on my own even though it completley terrifies me. Take the camera out and about. I’m building up courage to try and go to the hairdressers next week, but having a colour takes ages and the thought of not being able to leave that chair for hours…! x

  496. Jo Says:

    Hi Debbie. I live in Skegness, although I wish I lived in a quiet village in the country.I bet little Ruby enjoys a ride in your basket. It’s very frustrating being up and down Debbie. I know we will all get there in the end, we just have to have faith and be patient. When I think how near the edge I was in 2004 and I came back, I have to try to believe I can do it again.
    Charlotte, I dread being on my own too, but nothing ever happens when I am, but I still find it very hard to go out alone. I can take Meggie to the field which is nearby, or to the craft shop just down the road, but I can’t face town on my own. It’s very odd because I was always happy with my own company before. Try not to dwell on the hairdressers too much too soon, face it when it comes or you will build it into a mountain by the time it arrives.

    .

  497. claire Says:

    does anyone else actually still fear there anxiety?
    i need to get past this stage.i hate how weird i find things sometimes,especially noises they are very loud and i feel like i am falling,if i was not scared of feeling this way then i’d cope with it far better.
    have had anxiety since i was 3 years old 26 now i should probably be used to it !

  498. Charlotte Says:

    Jo that’s it, I can manage short distances like you on my own, but town really scares me, I did it last week when I had a bout of confidence but it’s still a struggle. What’s funny (well not funny) but I travelled the world for 5 months on my own 6 years ago lol, I never used to mind going out alone! I haven’t booked the hairdresses yet, i’m putting it off really until I feel ready :s. How are you doing Jo?

  499. mm16 Says:

    hi , just reading the last few posts , and nodding my head, i am just the same as all of you , going into town is the big one for me , it frightens me so much , as before i use to love going on my own . yes charlotte it really scares me , last time i went alone was quite a few months back , i must try to start going again alone . Also the same with hairdresses and god help me if i have to go to the dentist , so frustrating because i use to be fearless . jo is right though we build it into a mountain , ive done so many things that are ok once you do them , its the apprehension thats the killer xxx

  500. Ana Says:

    Has anyone here ever seen some of the videos on youtube? some of them are really positive. stop looking at negativity and just look at the people that have gotten through it. the key is universal, same as what paul says, same as claire weekes theory, and charles linden from the linden theory and the dp manual. it is all the same. let your minds rest people, let them heal, and have faith in something. anything. that this isnt forever.

  501. Matt Says:

    To those that are afraid of leaving the house, just do it! I was stuck in my house for six months before I gained the courage to just not care anymore and start living. I started to understand that this isn’t me, it’s the anxiety! There is a huge difference between the two. I allowed anxiety to dictate my day….oh, I can’t go to the grocery store because I’ll have a panic attack, I can’t talk to friends cause they will think i’m weird, I can’t go to the park, etc. It’s all false, your body is sending you false signals. The great thing about it, is when you start to recover, you will realize how silly this all is, even though when your trapped by it it doesn’t feel silly at all. If you have to take baby steps to leave the house or do whatever, do it. But “you” are the one that has to make an effort, you’re not gonna wake up one day and it all disappears, I waited and waited for that day and it never came, you made a habit based in fear and now you allow it to control you. For the time being it will probably still be there for a little while, but then it fades in the background. I liken it to a conversation I was having to a friend once and there was this song on his radio playing in the background, I liked that song so I listened to the whole thing while he was talking and didn’t pay attention to him at all. When it was over, he looked at me and realized I wasn’t paying attention and got mad. It’s the same thing, allow that music to play in the background while moving on with your life and before you know it you won’t be able to hear it anymore.

    All this “I can’t do it, it’s getting worse” has to stop, you have to find the strength in you to get out and live your life no matter how bad you are feeling at the moment. Oh, and expect to have those feelings or thoughts, that helped me tremendously. When I went out in the beginning I knew I was gonna have the feelings and thoughts, and that made it easier to deal with. Good luck everyone !

  502. Jo Says:

    Hi everyone. Charlotte I am not doing too bad thanks. A bit up and down, which I find most frustrating. I try to carry on through the day as best I can but I do admit to just watching tv in the evenings when I feel more relaxed. It is just so nice to settle down and allow myself to drift off to sleep feeling relaxed. At least when i wake at 5am I don’t have my head over a bucket for a couple of hours, so that’s an improvement :)

    mm16, I’ve been horse riding, ice skating, ski-ing (only twice) and tried abseiling in the past but I can’t think of doing those things now. Also i used to love driving, but I wouldn’t feel safe doing that now, I don’t think my mind would be focused enough.

    Claire, it’s not just the anxiety I fear, but everything that comes with it.

    Anna and Matt, thanks for the positive posts, we all need them.

  503. Debbie Says:

    Charlotte… There u go see, that’s exactly what happened to me a little job cropped up, it seems to happen at the right time! I go to a hairdresser that does it from home, it’s much better I think with a lot of things it’s the fear of the fear, once u get there it’s not as bad as u thought, it’s just getting the courage to go for it and to make progress u have to, just little things to start with, my own experience is if I pushed too much it made me worse, also if it was something I really wanted to do it made me do it, but if it was something I wasn’t fussed on I couldn’t seem to get the courage.
    When I was bad four yrs ago I couldn’t of done things however bad I felt I had to wait to be a bit stronger then slowly I started doing things, then I was doing everything without even thinking, sometimes I would think how could I have thought about suicide not being here with my lovely family and all the things I love doing! But when u r in a setback u can’t see anything but doom and gloom and how were u ever your old self enjoying life, it sucks u in and it’s like being in a black hole….but it’s not forever! x

  504. Sam Says:

    Does anyone get it when they feel like they have the attitude towards anxiety down to a tee. Then next day it’s gone and no matter how you try to reminder yourself how you done it you can’t. I’ve just reliesed I am trying to think myself back to a calm mind but it’s so easy to do

  505. Diane Says:

    hi folks havent been on in a while, things have been going well back to work full time and getting back to a life where anxiety doesnt rule ! However I have had a period of stress ( for a month) and now things have calmed down I have felt anxiety creeping back, flat mood worried about losing control, sroke, illness for myself, and constant worried about all the inmportant people on my life being ok< I keep thinking I am having a anxiety relapse and ofcourse it is making me scared which I know is the wrong thing to do I think I have I have to go back to the beginning and not buy into the viscious cycle that anxiety can lead lead me into, I really find this blog helpful and thankful for everyones honesty, take care :)

  506. Supernova_g Says:

    15 minutes into this website and I had already ordered the book. However, I am currently in a situation which I think could be the absolute freak level of anxiety where you become numb to anxiety, lose all sense of self and self-awareness and are in a state of trance. I no longer think inward, which may sound like an achievement but I really am more lost, most disconnected I have ever been, doing things for which I wil never take responsibilty, with no sense of morality or almost like a person without any conscience. The worst bit is that I feel nothing is wrong. I no longer think inwards and that I find more unsettling because now I do things completely unaware almost unthinkingly. Its a scary place to be in where you know nothing about yourself, whether you are comfortable, uncomfortable or what ever it is. I have been anxious/depressed/crazy for the past 4 years now and I find it paralyzing as I have not been able to do any work. Its like my life has come to a standstill.

  507. Jo Says:

    Hi Debbie, how are you doing today? I have just got back in from shopping etc and feel better now I’m home again, was getting a bit tense in a traffic queue. Have got tired muscles and an aching back today.
    Wonder how Doreen is getting on in Dusseldorf. Hope she is having a good time and getting some nice weather.

    Sam – every evening when I feel relaxed and ‘normal’ I think I have cracked it, only to feel bad again the next day. I try not to get disheartened but it is hard.

    Diane – well done for getting your life back. I think we sometimes worry that we shouldn’t be feeling happy in case anxiety hits again – basically we expect it to come back – and so worry about it.

  508. Debbie Says:

    Jo well done with going shopping, not easy especially as its so hot to, your doing really well, u can chill out now! I had to smile at what u said about being normal in the evenings, I’m exactly the same and think yes I’m on the mend! It’s hard when u don’t feel like that in the morning tho isn’t it?
    I feel better today I’ve just finished the cake and now having a flop, I need to go round the church to do my good will bit of cleaning, least it should be cool in there, I want to keep it up.
    Funny I don’t know if u get this I was sitting here thinking umm I don’t feel as bad I wonder why? Its almost as tho u r looking for it but why cos I don’t want it!!
    I hope Doreens enjoying herself its probably just want she needed! x

  509. mm16 Says:

    debbie and jo , i am just going to the pool with my head up … thanks to you two xx also thank you to matt and ana for positive post . thinking of you all xx

  510. kelly Says:

    Hi everyone,
    I keep having excessive horrible thoughts about dying and its really ruining.my life. It scares me that I won’t be here.one day and is sending me into panic :( the thoughts are.in my.mind all day and won’t go :(

  511. Jerry Says:

    Kelly,

    I know how you feel. Its a big fear of mine as well, to the point where I analyze every symptom almost convinced that its something terminal. I was in the ER last week because I thought my headache could’ve been a tumor that would end my life. I am 29 and have two kids and a wife and just hate the thought of not seeing my boys grow up or leaving my wife. Reality is though, its just another offshoot of anxiety. Remember anxiety causes you to look inward and analyze what you feel, how you feel, where you feel it, etc. Much like Paul says, we have to let it be. When the fear comes, know that its just a fear and it gets a bit easier. I am having better days, but only because I am understanding that its just another off shoot of our good ol friend anxiety. Hang in there.

    Jerry

  512. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Mark R Says: One more thing I thought may be useful is something my therapist said. He said that with anxiety he could relate it to Freddie Kruger from Nightmare on Elm Street. I know this sounds a bit odd. Well in those films if you remember Freddie only had power over the kids when they were scared of him. When they paid him no mind at all his powers faded completely. Quite a good analogy of anxiety I thought

    That is a good way of putting it and it is like a bully that once you stop letting him push you about, he goes on to someone else. There was a very similar quote to a book I read many moons ago and forgive me as I wont get this spot on but it basically was a big monster that stood over a scared little boy and the monster said to the boy, ‘You created the fear, not me, I can’t scare you unless you let me, you are giving me all this power’. I still have the book somewhere and will dig it out as it went very loosely like that, but always sticks in my mind as one of the best pieces of advice and put in such a brilliant way.

    One of my own pieces of advice that came through trial and error was to allow myself to fall into a hole, to allow myself to go to some dark place if that’s where my anxiety wished to take me. Basically when I felt either physically or mentally over whelmed and tried to hang on to normality or to keep it at bay I would give myself this advice. The instant relief was immense as this automatically relaxed me.

    It was the same when I felt self concious and insecure I would try and internally talk my way out or people please, seeking others approval until I thought ‘No lets feel insecure and self concious, don’t try to force feelings’ it had the same effect, I felt less concious and insecure by allowing myself to be so.

    I have given this advice to people who say have health anxiety and think they have every condition going, I say well allow yourself have all these conditons and accept you have them all. Some have been able to do this and say now they have accepted this fact, they don’t have anything to worry about. Trying to argue with an anxious mind is not easy, you are better leaving it to go where it wants and this will bring you far more peace. I am not trying to simplify things here, but there has to be steps to move in this direction rather than keep building more and more fears on top of old ones, eventually you have to just give in and say ok do your worst, I no longer care. When you stop fighting the way you feel and think, you will see the difference and begin to feel some freedom.

    Paul

  513. Jo Says:

    Debbie – you are doing really well yourself. Hope you got on ok at the church, I’m sure you did. Just allow yourself to have those flops when you need them.
    I have had a good evening. I went to a craft crop and met friends I have gotten to know through the Do Crafts sight. We chatted and crafted and it was really nice. No anxiety, no DP.xx

    mm16 – you are welcome. No one should feel embarrassed by having mental health issues, it is no different to having any other illness.Hope you had a nice time at the pool. xx

    Kelly and Jerry – I don’t think there are many people who aren’t scared of dying. It just feels worse in anxiety mode. When I’m feeling normal it doesn’t worry me too much but in anxiety it becomes terrifying. x

    Hi Paul, thank you for thinking about us even whilst you are away. x

  514. kelly Says:

    Hi jerry,

    Thanks for your reply. Its just lately its consuming my thoughts and I can’t concentrate on anything else.

    Its funny I never had any of these fears before my little boy was born. I am 24 and engaged to a wonderful man and my son is 15 months. The first few months of him being born I was so happy, loved each waking minute with him and was so excited to see what he was doing every day. Nothing could have brought me down.

    Now I’ve got all this panic and I can’t even feel a bond with him anymore or my partner thats what hurts the most about all this.

  515. Will Says:

    Hi again, everyone.
    Yep, it’s another different thing… Something that I seem to go through every summer (pretty much seeing as the weather here has suddenly become very hot for the past few days).
    Now, I’ve always hated hot weather and the heat in general, mostly due the fact that I’m always scared I’ll faint, and that thought brings about anxious symptoms that fuel the fear further.
    Stuffy rooms especially are one of the worst things in the world for me. Yesterday, me and some mates were on the bus… we were forced to the top deck because the bus was crowded, and the heat was unbearable. My head felt like a lead weight, I couldn’t focus, and my hands were tingling and shaking. I was really struggling to stop myself panicking and kept assuring myself that I wouldn’t faint (as I have NEVER fainted before, especially from heat).
    But most of the time – like today – whenever it’s quite warm in the house, I feel quite strange. Not like I’m about to faint – it’s just a strange, indefinable feeling. I feel like a zombie in terms of will to do anything and I often can’t help but wonder “Is there something wrong with me?” or “Do I have some underlying problem that I don’t know about?” Last summer I actually thought I was diabetic seeing as I was always thirsty and needed the toilet a lot, as well as having the strange feeling. A risk assessment questionnaire revealed that I had a risk factor of 2, which is very low. And once my mind was put to rest, the excessive thirst and toilet breaks just disappeared.
    Can anyone else relate to any of this? :\

  516. kelly Says:

    Jo,

    Yeah you are right. Before if the thought would come into my mind, it would go out as soon as it come in but now its constantly there like a bad smell. Can’t concentrate, can’t laugh, can’t feel anything. Its horrible.

    Then I look at people and see them so happy and carefree and know that’s how I used to be.

  517. Ash Says:

    Hi everyone. I’m new to the blog, but I’ve been reading over Pauls book for the last few weeks and between his site and the book they’ve been a huge help in my recovery. I was always the type to worry and stress about everything and take stuff way to seriously. Stupid things annoyed/angered me and the stress around home just kept building up. Back in February things finally snapped and one night before work I got this sensation like I was going to pass out and this tingling in my head and nausea. I freaked and took a trip to the hospital where they anxiety symptoms continued like the racing heart and tightness in the chest. I was pretty scared. After blood work and a few hours sitting there I was discharged with anxiety as the culprit. 2 days later I was feeling well enough to go back to work and then at work I got hit with the head tingling sensation again and ended up heading home and back to hospital convinced something was wrong. They did a CT scan and it came back ok. No brain tumors. Although it was a while before I could actually accept it. For weeks after that I’d have anxiety flare ups and this tingling/groggy/dullness in my head. The only thing that helped was walking around my apartment complex with my mom or wife. Had a rough go. Didn’t want to take any pills although I went an all natural route with an herbal supplement called HTP.Calm. Good product. It helped. Well it turns out my mom had anxiety bad at about my age (28) but she had several kids to deal with, etc. Took her years to get over it. Unfortunately I don’t have years. I needed this over yesterday, ya know? So yeah. Many days of not know whats wrong with me, lots of shed tears because most forums just have people talking about how they’ve had this for years. It felt like NO hope of getting better until I found Pauls site. I’ve had it kinda weird. There would be the general anxiety sensation, but a focus on something more major like for a while it was the dull and tingling sensations in my head/scalp muscles? Then it was bad tension headaches and when those stopped I’ve recently had some upset stomach thats passed on. Now I’m doing a lot better. The “what if” negative thoughts arent really around, I felt good enough to take a canoe/camping trip with my wife. I did suffer a set back a week ago. Had a sudden upset stomach and onset of anxiety. Shook me up a bit. I started getting over it and then last night I got hit with the tingling sensation that courses through my body when I’m thinking I might pass out (it happened once many years ago) but I’m freaked out by the idea that I might pass out. The sensation passed and I got over the bit of anxiety I felt when it happened pretty quickly. I spent the rest of my night at work fighting off exhaustion and sleep though (6 hours of that…). Barely made it home too. I’m trying to keep positive and keep up with doing every day things. Its been working for the most part. I’m just tired of the occasional dull groggy sensations in my head or the slight tension headaches and stuff. I try not to focus on them, but you know how it is. I’m just like some of you. I’m doing good, but I’m just tired of it already. Each day feels a bit better than the next, but I’m still sort of aware of how I feel. Things are just really stressful at home and I dont have the kind of support that I would like. Sometimes its hard to believe that I’m going to recover or be alright…

  518. Jo Says:

    Will – isn’t it funny how we fear passing out, or being unconscious. I have that fear even when not in anxiety mode. I did knock myself out very briefly once, and it wasn’t bad at all, but i still have the same fear. I got to thinking I was diabetic last year so went and got tested and I wasn’t. Anxiety makes us think all sorts of things. I was awake early this morning and was ok till I started to think about my Mum, who died last September, then I started to feel all weird and ‘floaty’, so i just had to get up and do stuff to get out of it.

    Kelly – you will feel that way again. Don’t forget you have undergone a lot of hormonal changes as well as learning how to be a Mum. That in itself is not easy.

  519. Jo Says:

    People – go over to the coffee lounge, no anxiety talk allowed there. Just talk about yourselves, hobbies interests etc. It does help. x

  520. Will Says:

    Jo – I agree. For me the scariest thing about it is KNOWING that you’re about to go unconscious. Let me explain – when you go to sleep, you don’t know when it’s going to happen and besides, it’s natural. But if you were anaethetised (for whatever reason), you KNOW that within the next few seconds you’re going unconscious, and you can’t fight it… That would terrify me. That’s why I’m scared of anaesthetics or anything that has the potential to render you unconscious, hence it’s possibly the main reason why I feel anxious and “weird” in the heat.

  521. Debbie Says:

    Does anyone find that doing something like washing the floor or hoovering up the stairs or exercise in general makes u feel more anxious afterwards so then starts the whole cycle off? Thinking rationally I think having put weight on (thanks to anti depressants) this probably doesn’t help, it feels to me like the adrenaline is pumping when your doing say the hoovering then when you’ve finished it carries on pumping it doesn’t stop so then makes you feel anxious! Any comments very welcome please! x

  522. Sally Says:

    Hi all
    Can anyone tell me how to access the coffee lounge Thanks guys X

  523. Charlotte Says:

    Hi everyone, Debbie, Jo! Sorry for my late reply, and thank you for the encouraging words. I saw my therapist yesterday and we had a good chat about where I need to go regarding the exposure to going out alone. It was all stuff I knew already (as we all do) but when a task is put apon you, you feel a bit more empowered I think. So basically it’s baby steps. Jo, next time you go for a walk with Meg…go that little bit further, and the craft shop? try the next shop after that, and build and build little bit at a time.
    Matt is right, sometimes you really need a kick up the bum, it’s anxiety, it’s not really us, and any little strength or confidence we must try
    and use it, which will eventually propell us further.
    This week, I have been set tasks of mild, medium and extreme fears. Obviously going into town, sitting in a chair and getting my hair done is an extreme fear and it’s not achievable next week, so Debbie like you say I’m getting a home hairdresser. However, I’m going to walk round the block alone, then to the beach and hopefully later in the week-actually sitting at the beach reading. Remember don’t set yourself up to fail, baby steps!! X

  524. Debby Says:

    Hi Debbie, yes I know exactly what you mean i’ve just done some house work and I had to keep stopping and starting and when I stop I get palpitations and feel unsteady like i’m going to start going really dizzy and its like a pulsating feeling all over. Finished now and sat in sunshine but still feel like things are moving B-)

  525. Jo Says:

    Sally – go to the main page, click on where it says My Blog then scroll right down to the bottom of the page, and click on where it says Comments.

    Debbie – If you are not eating properly that could be the reason. Trying to work without enough(or the right kind of) fuel in your body can feel the same. I have been out all morning, buying plants, shopping and then putting plants in the garden and I started to feel weak and anxious. I’m ok now I’m sitting down again. Don’t do too much at once.

    Will – Thank goodness some else feels that way too. I am terrified of ever having to have a general Anaesthetic. I think i will not come round again, or feel very weird if I do.

  526. Jo Says:

    Ash – You will be alright, believe it. I had a really bad time in 2004, and I bet some people on here are tired of hearing about it :) I was in a black, black place. I couldn’t leave the settee in the front room where I lived for many weeks. I had the curtains closed and no radio or tv on during that time. I had Dp like you wouldn’t believe, at times I believed I was dead. Multiple panic attacks had me at A&E several times a week and no matter how much they reassured me it was just panic attacks, I begged for an ambulance every time they happened. My husband couldn’t leave me alone 24/7 and went through hell with me. BUT I RECOVERED. I got my life back and became happy again with only one or two minor setbacks. This recent bout of anxiety is no where near as bad and I think it was brought on by my Mum’s death, which I am having a hard time with. My point is, no matter how bad things are, they do get better. I am handling this episode a lot better than last time, though I admit to sometimes worrying it won’t go away again. I just keep telling myself it will. You will find support and insiration on here, so keep coming back if you need to.

    Quote from Claire Weeks’s book – Many of those who suffer from nervousness are persons of fine sensibilities, of delicate regard for honour, endowed with a feeling of duty and obligation. Their nerves have tricked them, misled them. WR Houston

  527. Supernova_g Says:

    I am currently in a situation which I think could be the absolute freak level of anxiety where you become numb to anxiety, lose all sense of self and self-awareness and are in a state of trance. I no longer think inward, which may sound like an achievement but I really am more lost, most disconnected I have ever been, doing things for which I wil never take responsibilty, with no sense of morality or almost like a person without any conscience. The worst bit is that I feel nothing is wrong. I no longer think inwards and that I find more unsettling because now I do things completely unaware almost unthinkingly. Its a scary place to be in where you know nothing about yourself, whether you are comfortable, uncomfortable or what ever it is. I have been anxious/depressed/crazy for the past 4 years now and I find it paralyzing as I have not been able to do any work. Its like my life has come to a standstill.

  528. Gary Lee Says:

    Hi everyone,
    I have suffered from anxiety for the last year, and ive regularly read this blog and i have pauls book which has been a huge help to me, and the people who come on here have been an inspiration and help to me, last year it was such a shock to find out i had anxiety especially with being in the medical profession i have been a nurse for 24 years and i thought this would never happen to me but it just goes to show how anxiety can effect anyone, it took 6 months but im back to work now, have been for the last 4 months and its going o.k, i still get strong feelings of anxiety esp in the mornings but i work part time nights which is a lot better for me, i try not to let the anxiety frighten me anymore (at first i was terrified!!) i still get a lot of mind chatter but i just let it come now im now driving again going out on my own shopping and going out to see friends, thank god for my partner, family and my 2 dogs which have kept me as sane (as much as possible!!) because intially i was so scared im on anti depressents but dont feel bad for taking them they are helping me in the now!! in the future who knows, i may not need them, so just to say thankyou to everyone on this site for the comfort you have given me without even knowing, its nice to know you are not alone in this scary world of anxiety /depression, best wishes, Gary.

  529. Debbie Says:

    Jo, sounds like u were in a bad way, I was to four years ago so I know how u felt, i worry it’s going to be the same but by changing how I think helps, I take each day as it comes and don’t think any further than that.
    Today I had to deliver my cake so get very anxious as I worry it’s not good enough, but I feel like that even without anxiety so when I felt anxious that’s what I thought I didn’t blame anxiety, it’s more lack of confidence if anything, they loved the cake so I didn’t need to worry.
    I went to a big material warehouse where I chatted to the staff so that felt good it felt real, if u get what I mean! x
    I spring cleaned my bedroom you made me think when u said u did yours!
    Supernova.. Anxiety makes u lose who you are, it takes over u end up being like a robot but be kind to yourself, don’t expect too much, the more u fight it the worse it gets. Have u read some of the old posts on here they can really help to give u a bit of hope.

  530. Teresa Says:

    Super Nova – your post is pure ‘anxiety talking’ – you will feel better than this and you probably had had times in the 4 years you have felt better than this. Try to realise that what you are speaking is of your ‘fears’ and not of what is real. i know it makes you feel awful – but the more you notice that this is an ‘anxiety thought voice’ the more you can learn to turn the volume down. It will improve.
    All – I notice a lot of you seem to be doing better that is really positive – we all know what an updown hard road this is – and how much we crave reassurance to help us (I know I do) – if i can share something I have learnt recently.
    Anxiety is a reaction of the ‘to do’ side of the brain – it has been over stimulated by worry, therefore it is like a trained muscle and reacts quite strongly wanting to intervene and ‘do’ something about every thing – we search for reassurance to switch it off. I expect by not ignoring it (accepting) we are actually letting it ‘do’ more.
    I understand the theory – all i have do now is understand it instinctively, lol. Hope that helps someone.

  531. Charlotte Says:

    I think all the Vit D is giving us a push in the right direction! x

  532. John Smithy Says:

    Hi Everyone,

    Ive been through the panic attack stage, obsessive weird thought stage and a lot in between. Right now my “problem” is I focus on my dreams… and how werid or badd they are. Some days it does not bother me but other days I will worry for most of the day that something is wrong with me because my dreams are so strange or bad and that I never have good dreams anymore. My guess is that this all started from fear and I have interupted my sleep. Dreams must be similar to thoughts where they can get weird and scary because of the anxiety of having them.

    Also struggling with coming out of the closet. If anyone can relate. I have told my family and a few friends but still have a lot of work to do.

    Thanks for any help, this blog is great.

  533. Ciara30 Says:

    Hi all, my irrational thoughts at the moment are that I feel like I m allergic to everything even though I know I m not allergic to anything these thoughts are really beginning to annoy me now! Such as if I eat such a thing I ll have an anaphalatic reaction and my throat will close! It took me two weeks to build up the courage to dye my hair in case I had a reaction to it, anyone ales have a similar experience a little perspective might go along way! Thanks hope everyone’s enjoying our early summer

  534. Will Says:

    Ciara – I have that exact same thought sometimes, I worry about trying something new in case I’m deathly allergic to it, even though I’M not allergic to anything either. I have similar thoughts too, like if I look at flashing lights I’m afraid of having a fit (even though I’m not epileptic) and that I can’t eat or drink anything if its packaging isn’t airtight – if there’s the slightest break or hole in the seal or packaging, I won’t have it. Almost like a ritual, I have to check seals or squeeze packaging to make sure it’s not broken before I open it.

  535. Jo Says:

    Morning everyone. Ciara – I had to smile as I did the same thing a few weeks ago re the hair colour. I dithered and dithered about buying one in case it caused some kind of problem. I took the plunge in the end and it didn’t do me any harm.
    John – i used to worry about my dreams, weirdly bizarre is how I would describe them. And they seemed to have nothing to do with my life at all. Now if I wake from one I just think ‘I don’t care what I dreamed, it was just a dream and can’t hurt me any more than thoughts can’ Actually I have recently come to realise that most of them are made up of fragments of this and that – something heard at random, a tv programme etc. Everything seems to get jumbled together a bit like flicking channels on the tv.

  536. Jo Says:

    Debbie, I have the same problem with lack of confidence. Yes I understand what you mean about ‘feeling real’. I was at a craft crop the other night with friends and I felt perfectly normal. You get a sense of achievement from doing something like cleaning a room, don’t room?
    Teresa – you are right about the sharing. I don’t think I would have coped as well without every ones help and encouragement. Thank you all.

  537. Charlotte Says:

    John- I would imagine it’s a big thing coming out the closet, and no doubt this is causing you alot of worry about what your family and friends think. It would be understandable that you are suffering some anxiety. I don’t have any experience in that situation but perhaps it might be worth holding off a bit telling everyone (which will no doubt make your anxiety worse) and just tell those few family and friends you trust at first, talking to them about it, and when you feel stronger, go on to telling your wider network of friends? Otherwise you could be overwelmed by it.
    Re the dreams, try to see dreams as the mind’s natural way of dealing with the days events, it’s a jumbled up pattern of situations and it comes out in dreams to process your thoughts however it see’s fit. I find we dream more when we are worried about something or going through a stressful time. They can’t harm you in any way, it’s just making sense of how your feeling, which will lead to a clearer thinking mind.

  538. mm16 Says:

    hi everyone , had two really good days and today feel terrible every muscle hurts , why on earth does this happen , it seems when i get on with living my body cannot take it . jo you describe the dreaming so well .. like flicking channels on tv . yes debbie i have them times of feeling ‘ real ‘ it feels good and like i use to be . hope you all enjoying the good weather xx

  539. mm16 Says:

    just realised i am trying to fix it today , i will try let it be instead . i woke up early and went back to sleep , im sure i am better getting straight out of bed when i wake up xx

  540. marcb Says:

    Hi all, Really going thru a horrible patch at the moment, my “problem”, and something that truly seems to be the last hurdle between myself and recovery, is I’m worrying about a physical imperfection I have. I keep on having anxious thoughts regarding what I see (but my girlfriend doesnt) as a physical imperfection. What is happening is basically I am getting thoughts telling me “i can never be anxiety free as I have this imperfection”. I am presumming this is just my anxious mind sending me these intrusive thoughts. I am looking for reassurence people, when these thoughts regarding my “physical imperfection” is it simply a case of accepting (trying anyway!) these thoughts? Are these thoughts present because I have anxiety? I even went to hospital the other day and was told by a specialist that things are, although not perfect, absolutely fine. It sometimes feels like if I could “repair” this theny anxiety would disappear. Would really appreciate a reply or two. Many many.thanks….. Marcb

  541. Jo Says:

    Hi mm16, sorry you are having such a hard time today, think back to the good days and know you will have more. My thoughts used to be like the dreaming too, and my doctor said it was because the brain cells were not ‘talking’ directly to each other but ‘going from a to c to e’ to get the message. i try to stay in bed till 7 when I wake early but i know it is time to get up when the anxious thoughts get too much. A shower, a cuppa and time on the laptop helps to get the day going.

    marcb – you have been told you don’t have a physical imperfection,and even if you did, so what ?How many people do you think are perfect in every way. Try to get the ‘So what ‘ attitude. It’s anxiety again, and if it wasn’t latching onto that imperfection worry, it would be something else.

  542. Jo Says:

    Hi Gary, looks like you got missed on here too. Perhaps your post was in moderation. So glad to hear you are getting on so well. Lots of us seem to have the hardest time in the mornings, very strange eh! Like you have found a lot of comfort and help on here. I was on anti depressants some years ago, and managed to come off them. This time I am trying to manage without them as I get so anxious about the side effects :)

  543. Charlotte Says:

    Jo i’m 2 weeks anti depressent free now, it’s been a tough ride! Though I am on st johns wort so help with the withdrawl and generally hoping to naturally lift my mood.

    My anxiety seems to really differ day to day, it’s quite exhausting. I managed to drive out of my town today and yesterday to meet a friend which is quite incredible. I believe I can beat that side of things as it’s practical, but my anxiety is more sky high at the moment because im terrified that i’m never going to be happy and excited about life again.

    To people I may appear chatty and all there but on the inside i’m so scared because I don’t get excited about things, or look forward to the future, have dreams and ambitions like I used to. I just feel that after 3 months of this, i’m at a total loss on how to be happy again. How can I be happy about anything when anxiety grabs me everytime I go out the house?

  544. Jo Says:

    Charlotte love, don’t worry. You will get there, it will all come back. You have probably seen my posts about how bad I was a few years ago! Well I got back from that, and I had suffered for about a year. Be patient, three months is just 12 short weeks and you have a lifetime in front of you to be well again. After getting out of that hell I was in I joined a charity and became hon sec. I drove everywhere by myself, we went on walking holidays, and I did an art workshop. I even learned to ice skate, but most importantly I had fun again, and I had dreams. When I first came to this site I asked Paul if my love of art would come back and he assured me it would. And he was right. although I haven’t painted anything yet, I am at least thinking about it again. And I have been fiddling with card making again which I had totally lost interest in.
    You are doing really well, driving and seeing friends and only off your meds for two weeks. Give yourself a pat on the back girl.
    A couple of months ago I didn’t even want to set foot out of the house because I was so fearful. Now I go out twice a day with my husband to walk the dog, and go shopping. Ok I’m not comfortable on my own yet, but it is there on the horizon, I can see it. Tonight I am going on the evening walk too, which I haven’t wanted to do.
    I don’t know how long it will be for you, but you will get there. Don’t try to rush it, just let it come. x

  545. Charlotte Says:

    Jo, I don’t think i’m very patient am I? hah. Professionals and close family tell me how well i’ve done and so quickly, but I seem to just pah pah that and keep looking for the finishing line. You’re right, 12 weeks is not long at all is it, I think i’m just very determined to get better, and not let the person who trigged this win (and spoil my summer, while he is off galavanting with his new girlfriend!).
    For me, it’s hard to pin point whether the anxiety robbed me of my desires and ability to enjoy life, or if it’s because im still dealing with a big heartache and loss…
    Did you find after your your awful time a few years ago, that you did eventually get back to yourself 100%? I can see in your writing that,your previous experience gives you great courage that you can get through your rough patch this time.
    I’ll try relax a bit x

  546. Debbie Says:

    Hi all, hope u have all had a gd wkend. I’ve had a busy day with visitors and a moody two yr old grand daughter but survived and actually felt normal ( u know what I mean!) I felt more like myself today, seems strange to think a week ago I felt suicidal, it’s definitely a roller coaster! it goes to show that u can have good days, when your feeling very anxious it’s easy to forget u have had a good day or two so I just wanted to let people know it is possible.

    Looking forward to a peaceful day tomoro tho, my aim for this week is to go out for walks everyday, I think it’s quite a gd idea to have an aim, perhaps people can have one and we can encourage each other and see at the end of the week how we’ve got on, what do u think?

  547. Mark R Says:

    Hi all,

    Just thought I’d skim over a few posts and give an update for myself.

    I read a few concerns over dreams, which is something that I suffered from in the past. Whether to act on them etc. I read something interesting on this that dreams are a way of discharging emotions and concerns in the day. I can relate to this as my dreams always relate to what I have thought of in the day etc. We also only dream in metaphor, as this is the language of the unconcious mind. For this simple fact, we should not be frighten or scared of the content of our dreams. Your mind is just doing its job.

    In terms of myself I have made great leaps in progress. I’ve had a good week at work, kept myself occupied in the evenings running, playing football etc. On Friday I had a bbq with friends, played pool (badly). I went walking in the Peak District, Derbyshire. I did not feel any symptoms at all during the walk, its almost impossible to feel anxious when you’re in the middle of hills and mountains. I highly recommend it. I’ve spent the day chilling in the park today with some music and the papers.

    The only things that make me uncomfortable is being in crowded places, pubs etc. This is when the symptoms are the highest, although not unbearable. I am confident this will get better in time.

    I am almost back to the point I was before my setback occurred which I think was bordering on the edge of recovery, after over 2 years. In that period I spent 12 months feeling crap and 12 months not actually caring how I felt. Ultimate recovery is the obvious aim and I hope to look after myself to a degree that if I were to suffer again, it would be for a shorter, less painful period of time.

    Jo – It looks as though you have a bit more positive attitude now with what you went through before and what you achieved after. Its always better to look at troubled times like this, no matter how you feel or what you go through its always transient.

    I read this quote on depression the other day so thought I would share it. I know this is an anxiety forum but I think the same principle of suffering still applies.

    “Try to think of your depression as a bridge instead of an abyss, a transition period instead of an end point. There is a universal law of polarity, which says that all states of consciousness eventually turn into their opposites—i.e., pleasure becomes pain and pain becomes pleasure. Likewise, your suffering will one day turn into joy.”

  548. Charlotte Says:

    Yeah I think thats a good idea Debbie, I have been going for walks everyday now for the past few weeks , it’s so important to get exercise. Jo walks her dog everyday too. My goal for this week is to walk to the beach alone x

  549. mm16 Says:

    hi debbie , so glad you have had a good weekend , yes what a good idea for us all to have an aim , ok mine is to go into town and do a bit of shopping , and yes charlotte you have a walk to the beach , thanks to jo for replying to me earlier , she is a sweetie, i had a rough day today , the dizziness was terrible . better day tommorow i hope xx

  550. Doreen Says:

    Hello all – back from Dusseldorf on Thursday night and been busy since then visiting my grandson at his ballet school in Birmingham and gardening today. Anxiety hovering around in the background (and the foreground from time to time) but the thought that I may as well be having an interesting time and making my way around a foreign town as be at home brooding was really helpful. Also had a good book on my Kindle so read in various parks which helped distract me, when the butterflies started. Cut my Citalopram dose down to 10mgs a day and felt no worse for that. What was really getting me down was the physical aftermath of having my gall bladder op but that seems to have got a great deal better in the last few days. Congratulated myself on being away only 2 weeks after surgery, despite feeling unwell. Again, I thought that I may as well feel rough in a lovely city in the sun as be at home feeling like that. Have visited the coffee lounge too. Good to read the supportive messages on here.

  551. Jo Says:

    Morning everyone. Welcome back Doreen, glad you have had a good time. How well you have done with everything.

    mm16 – you are welcome for the reply, just hope what I have to say helps.
    Hope you have a better day today.

    Debbie – yes that is a good idea but don’t aim too high. I will have to think about my aim, as I don’t want to say something that I know isn’t possible yet. Sounds like you are coping well now. My mornings are still a bit wobbly, in fact quite a bit this morning. I stupidly gave way to the temptation of chocolate last night (haven’t had any for months) and I know it’s a trigger. Just hope it wears off quickly.

    Charlotte – I think possibly the heartache and loss is all tied in with the anxiety anyway, so when you come to terms with it, it should all get better.
    I think you and me both need to ‘let go’. Me with my Mum’s death and you with the loss of your boyfriend. If we can do that then we can move on.

    Yes after the very bad time I had I did get back to normal 100%, and I stayed like that till these last few months. There was no fear or shaking or DP or anything, no matter what I did. I think that is what keeps me going this time. Part of me fears going back to the hell place, but the other part knows I can be me again.
    I have been practicing letting the bad feelings come and not fighting them, and it does work. They really don’t get overwhelming, and do subside.

  552. Charlotte Says:

    Jo you’re probably right, I think it is all tied in. Once im over the loss, the anxiety will more than likely diminish.
    I have tried letting go best I can, but loss is one of those things that only time heals aye? You picture them being in your future (which is so I read), why it is hard to accept they are gone. (I’m reading ‘I can mend your broken heart by Paul Mckenna’). My cbt lady is recommending me for councilling soon which I have always found helpful with grief. Do you think this might be helpful for you also?x

  553. marcb Says:

    Jo……. Thank you. Can I ask u please, is it again simply the case of allowing the thought to be there? (i know it is but I want someone to tell me!) And should I just “be” as Paul says? Many thanks Jo….. Marcb x

  554. Gary Says:

    Morning everyone,
    just got in from nightshift and feel a bit low!! hate the feeling of anxiety in the mornings so im off to bed im sure the 2 dogs will curl up beside me as my partner at work on a 13 hour shift, i wish the mind chatter would settle sometimes i try not to let it bother me and i do accept they are there but i hope one day my mind will be nice and clear without intrusive thoughts coming through!! well goodnight everyone ( well its nite time for me) have a good day i think its going to be lovely the sun is shining hope i get some sleep, take care Gary x

  555. Doreen Says:

    Hi Jo and Charlotte – my worst experience of anxiety was back in 1985 some months after my mother died. I thought I had dealt ok with her death but when I saw a lovely woman GP she said that she thought it was complicated grief – my family situation had not been easy and so the loss of my mother was not straight forward.
    My 2nd bad dose of anxiety was following the retirement of my therapist. This therapy had in hindsight gone on far too long and I had become overly dependent. So again, a complicated loss.
    I was fearful that I would go that way when my dad died but that didn’t happen. Also when we heard that my grandson was going away, I felt fearful, but in reality it is nothing like those other losses. He lives just round the corner and we have always been very close but I can see that this move to ballet school is really good for him and we still can see him often.
    So, I think grief can be experienced by having anxiety – and that maybe some counselling would help.

  556. Debbie Says:

    mm16. Glad u have an aim, it’s good I think it only has to be a little thing, small steps and if a few of us do it it makes it more interesting, so good luck with the shopping, I’m going out for a walk in a bit before it gets too hot x

    March I try to follow what Paul suggests it seems to work as a lot of people on here say, it’s accepting the thoughts and feelings and just letting them come, don’t feed them by fearing them or worrying, I have trouble accepting as do a few of us on here but I think I’m getting there slowly, trouble is we all want to be better now and it doesn’t work like that unfortunately, we wish don’t we?
    Just take each day as it comes and be kind to yourself x

    Welcome back Doreen So glad u had a lovely time, u are so brave u have done so much all that after your op x

  557. Jo Says:

    Charlotte – you are right, I find it so hard to think I will never see Mum again. It’s not that we saw a lot of each other, as she lived 80 miles away, but she was a strong character and she often stayed with us and we phoned each other regularly. There is something in me that thinks she is still there in hospital waiting for me to visit her. It’s not that I don’t believe she is dead, I do know she is, it’s just taking me a while to accept it, and as it’s been 8 months now, I feel I should be handling it better.

    Doreen – that is what happened with me. I coped for several months while Mum was going downhill and at the funeral and then this hit a month or so later. I don’t know whether counselling would help or not. My CBT seems to have come to an abrupt end. My last phone appointment was cancelled and I was told someone would be in touch to re schedule but that was two weeks ago, and no word. Not that it was any help anyway.

    marcb – you are welcome. Yes just let the thought be there, and don’t get stressed by it. You are giving this thought importance when it doesn’t have any. Perfect or not, it doesn’t matter. The same with any feelings that come over you, just let them come. They will peak and then subside. It is a good feeling when you realise you have not let them win.

    Can I ask – does anyone find decision making difficult? I find i get stressed trying to decide what to do in any situation.

  558. marcb Says:

    Thank u Jo and Debbie x ……. And yes Jo I find decision making a toughie too!

  559. kelly Says:

    Hi everyone,

    Great to see some of you are feeling better. I had a bit of a random day yesterday. Nothing was planned. My sister texted and asked about the two of us taking the kids out for food. I agreed. Then straight after an old friend of mine and my sisters texted me and so we decided to meet up with him too. I hadn’t seen him since before I had the baby so was feeling a bit nervous, I guess that was normal in the circumstances. I did think oh god he is going to wonder what the hell has happened to the person he met a few years ago. It went ok. He took us to brecon and we all went on a boat, something I’ve never done and the kids really enjoyed it. Had an ice team after and later when we got home when the kids were asleep me, him and my sister had a few drinks. I asked him am I any different to the last time he seen me he said no not at all you just look sadder.

    He told me something I didn’t know, that when we first met he was down so low and was suicidal and then he met me and everything changed for him so now he wants to be here for me to help if he can.

    Also I opened up to my partner a bit last night explaining why my behaviour is a bit out of sort recently and why it seems like I am being off with everyone. He told me he thinks I don’t love him anymore. So yeah its affecting my relationship. I told him I am not the person now he first met and he knows it too. Just glad he is sticking by me. I never thought how hard it is for him too. I have numerous tines questioned whether I am happy with him but I think that’s the anxiety talking.

  560. kelly Says:

    It would be nice to just enjoy the simple things again.

  561. Charlotte Says:

    Doreen, it’s reassuring to know that others have experienced anxiety after a loss. I think it’s a shock to the system and your body doesn’t quite know what to do with all the emotions. It would seem more rational if we were just down and cried alot! But we do get over grief, this I understand but I think I worry more that the anx and low mood won’t follow suit. But it does hopefully…it just needs it’s time.

    Jo-I think for a woman to lose her mother is probably one of the hardest things we will have to ever deal with in life, so try not to be too hard on yourself of the time it takes to move on. Grief is such a difficult process and it can be a long one, but it does get easier in time. It seems we are in a pretty similar situation regarding a loss and anxiety, and I can only take comfort in knowing that only time can heal the wounds, and we need to allow ourselves as much time as it needs, as it can’t be forced.
    Do try reading books on grief if you can, I read a few pages each day to give me that reassurance and boost I need to get me through the day.

  562. Jo Says:

    Thanks Charlotte, I suppose I keep thinking that because I’m 59 and Mum was 90 it shouldn’t feel so bad, but I guess it doesn’t matter what age we are.I was 13 when my dad died and I cried constantly for two weeks because I was a child. With Mum I suppose I was trying to be strong and only cried myself to sleep a couple of times. But I do find it very difficult to cry nowadays, don’t know why. I suppose too that because I had known for many months that the end was coming, I thought I had prepared myself for it. But you can’t prepare for that really.
    I think that once you get over the grief of your break up, your low mood and anxiety will lift, but just as we have to accept the bad feelings and thoughts, we also have to accept it will take time. Whenever I get upset that recovery is not happening quick enough, I try to say to myself ‘what does it matter in the great scheme of things if it takes a while, I’ll live as best I can anyway.’
    Have a good day and get some sun…but not too much. x

  563. Jo Says:

    marcb – I know this sounds awful but I do find it reassuring to know others have the same problems. It sound like I’m happy for others to be suffering, which of course is not the case. It is just such a relief to know others understand.

    Kelly – I think it is best to be honest about this with those close to us, otherwise they have no way of understanding what is going on. It is difficult for those who have not experienced it to understand anyway. My husband says he feels so hopeless because there is nothing he can do to help, but I tell him that by being there and just trying to understand helps loads.

  564. Jo Says:

    I was just thinking back to last September when we were on holiday in the Cotswolds. I was normal then, driving, walking miles, picnics by the river, sketching in the garden of the cottage we stayed in, and no sign of anxiety. I wondered how I could be that me then, and this me now. And then I got to thinking, it should work the other way too. If I am this me now, then I should be able to be that me again….shouldn’t I/ :)

  565. Debbie Says:

    Feeling a bit fed up got that heavy head and dizzy feeling, thinking am I in for it can’t help it!

  566. kelly Says:

    Jo,

    it is hard for other people to understand because to them you are basically the same person you were.

    It hurts most not to have the bond with any of my family that I used to though. I am so closed off from everyone.

    I find alcohol is the only thing that takes the edge off and then sometimes that doesn’t work either. I don’t want to get into that habit either though. I said to my friend and sister last night god this drink is not touching me, my friend said do you know why? I said no and he said because your drinking it for the wrong reasons. Maybe he was right on that.

    My dad said he went through it bad years ago and opened up about some things I never knew. Maybe your more inclined to get it if a family member does?

  567. Steff Says:

    Hi everyone,
    I really am doing much better, compared to last year my god never thought I would be in the place I am now! However, how do I stop panicking about things in the future? I have my best friends hen do next year which is abroad I have to go I am bridesmaid, but the mention of it just makes me feel so frightened, say if I panic, say if I can’t get on the plane, what will people think? Just need a bit of advice on how to deal with this, I want to look forward to a nice weekend away with the girls not scared to death! It isn’t until June next year dont want to spend all this time worrying about it xx

  568. Steff Says:

    Hi kelly,
    I think it can be a genetic thing. My mum suffered terribly with anxiety for 2 years, my dad has anxiety about his health always panicking that he has cancer, my 20 year old brother has started to get it too? His is similar to my anxiety, we both panic about havin another panic attack! So frustrating and hate seeing someone of his age having it!

  569. kelly Says:

    Jo,

    I know what you mean. I used to love driving, I even drove from south Wales to Aberdeen in Scotland one day just randomly to see a friend. A 12 hour drive, just used to chill listening to music along the motorway lol.

    I done 4 years in college, two years of computer repairs. Then I used to fix computers for people as a hobby with my dad. I dealt with the software and he dealt with the hardware. Then I done two years of psychology. Also got really interested in photography.

    Used to do a lot of singing, I get that from my dad also. Have recorded a few cds of me singing a few years ago. A lot of friends said about replying for x factor, id never wanna face Simon Cowell thanks lol.

    Its quite sad none of this interests me anymore. So I know exactly where your coming from :-)

  570. kelly Says:

    steff,

    Thanks for your reply. I think I remember learning in psychology that stuff like this can run in the genes. I follow my dad for a lot of things so something else to thank him for eh? :-)

  571. Bill Says:

    Just sitting trying to relax in this heat and my left upper arm went all numb for a couple of minutes,never had this before so guess what,panic,anybody please advise if this is yet another symptom,my left hand is also feeling numb.Thank you.

  572. Jo Says:

    Bill I would suggest that you have trapped a nerve briefly, maybe how your arm was on your chair or something. I get the odd feeling that I have a band around my arm at times. I don’t think it is anything to worry about unless it keeps happening, then get it checked out.
    Thanks all for your replies. Not had a very good morning myself today, been feeling groggy, detached and generally unwell. Couldn’t eat breakfast or lunch. Managed a walk on the beach, but it was too hot. Just relaxing on the settee now.

  573. mm16 Says:

    bill . lovely to hear from you , please believe me without a doubt its a symptom , wow did i use to get that so much all down left arm and hand numb , dont get it as much now so see its just anxiety . gosh bill i have never known anything to produce so many bodily symptoms !!! today its been the churning , sickly stomach for me grrrr horrid . hope the sun doing us some good x

  574. mm16 Says:

    jo , both my mum and dad have terminal cancer, diagnoised within months of each other , and of top of that i had this breakdown 6 months prior to that , i help them as much as i can but so hard coping with it all . i love to read your posts , hope you realise what a big help you are … wouldnt you make a brilliant thearapist. xx

  575. Jo Says:

    mm16, I am so sorry to hear about your Mum and Dad. No wonder you are suffering so much, you must be physically and mentally exhausted.
    Thank you for the compliment, I am glad i can help a little bit, but I don’t know about being a therapist, I can’t even help myself. :)
    I too have had the sickly stomach today. Our son (who is 33) wants to go to the sea front for chips when he gets in from work. Hopefully I will feel a bit hungry then. I try not to let the lack of appetite worry me too much, and just eat when I’m hungry. Hope you feel better soon.x

  576. Bill Says:

    Thanks for your replies,mm16,i am also very sorry about your mum and dad,very sad.Thanks for your reply,it was a new symptom for me hence the worry,you are so right,how many symptoms to contend with,i feel as if mine are altering slightly as time passes,you know the light headedness is different to what it was,the headshocks are different etc etc.I suppose we get more and more sensitised to these feelings hence the apparent changes.Kind regards.

  577. Debbie Says:

    Jo sorry to hear u haven’t had a good day, I’m not so good today either so disappointing after quite a good wkend, think I over did it yterday. I’ve had that sickly churning stomach and the blurred vision, my head feels as tho it’s in a vice. We were supposed to have a quiet day yterday but as I said we had a lot going on, I don’t get enough me time.
    So, I suppose it’s not thinking oh my god im going to get really bad again like last week, the whole accept thing and not let it worry me, so hard to do.
    I’m supposed to be meeting two friends for a cuppa in a cafe tomoro morn so more anxiety but I really want to go.
    Hope u managed some chips!

  578. Debbie Says:

    mm16 I’m so sorry about your parents I’m sure u do what u can it must be awful coping with all the different emotions that must be going on in your body, suppose its best to take each day as it comes, keep you chin up! x

  579. DCYL Says:

    Hey all,

    Not sure why, but looks like my email address was blocked fr

  580. DCYL Says:

    Ok – I guess it’s not email only. In any case – cant post from home

    I am on my phone posting and it seems to work. I wanted to say thanks to Matt who’s suggestion of keeping busy has helped a ton. When this issue gets fixed, I will post a longer comment

  581. kelly Says:

    I had to walk out of my house. My partners mum had a go cause I was going to my sisters.

  582. Bill Says:

    Has anyone any experience of propranolol and mirtazapine.Any comments regarding effectiveness or side effects.I have been on propranalol to help reduce blood pressure and mirtazapine to help sleep but i think the side effects seem to outweigh the benefits,especially the light headedness and slow heart rate,my heart rarely if ever gets above 60.Also i know what Paul says in the book about beta blockers.

  583. kelly Says:

    Looks like my relationship is over now :(

  584. Debbie Says:

    Hi Bill I’ve been on Mirtazapine for nearly five years the only side effect I had was a lot of weight gain, it’s known for this, I was on 45mg for over four years but had it reduced to 30mg when my day anti depressants were changed cos I was too zombie like. I like them cos they help me to sleep actually knock me out really, but obviously the weight gain hasn’t helped my depression!

  585. Jo Says:

    Morning all. does anyone else feel a bit strange in their own homes? I’m not sure how to explain it, it’s not exactly Dp. but just an uncomfortable feeling. Like I know this is my home, but something just doesn’t feel ‘right’ about it all. I’ve lived here for over 30 years yet at times it feels like I have just landed here. I don’t suppose this makes any sense, but needed to say it. Thanks. x

  586. Gary Says:

    morning everyone,
    jo i understand what you are saying, i love my home but sometimes it can feel a little bit strange i think for me when anxiety hits in you sometimes dont know what to do with yourself and you just want to feel as comfortable as you can and home for me home is where you should feel comfortable.
    one of the things that worries me is that before anxiety hit me i had a excellent memory and over the last 6 months its terrible!! i have to write things down and if its something really important i usually have to do it there and then just so i know its done, just upsets me sometimes as my memory used to be so sharp. well off to bed i go last nightshift tonight for this week hooray!! take care everyone and have a great day, gary x

  587. Chris Says:

    Hi All,

    Feeling a bit low myself today but guess it’s the anxiety playing its tricks again.

    Bill – I’m currently weaning myself off proprananol and I’ve had a lot of light headedness/dizziness as well as headaches which I think are all side effects so I wouldn’t worry about them too much. I do think they have helped me a lot though!

    Jo – I feel exactly like that at home sometimes so much so that we’re moving in a couple of weeks – but that’s mainly because I want to be close to my family. When I was first anxious I hated being at home especially on my own but I think that was just part of the fear. Your not alone Jo it’s such a strange feeling when you’re not comfortable in your own home when you’ve always loved being there!

    Hope everyone has a good day!

    xx

  588. Jo Says:

    Thanks for that Gary. I have the memory problem too, I can’t remember names mostly. On other occasions something will be mentioned and I think ‘I had forgotten all about that’ It is upsetting you are right. Have a good sleep. x

  589. Debbie Says:

    Morning all, I definitely forget things it’s a horrible feeling and can be quite frightening.
    I’m feeling very anxious as I’m meeting two friends at ten in a cafe, one lost her 19yr old daughter two months ago and it’s the first time I’ve seen her, so I’m trying to think she’s going through much worse than me, but it doesn’t make it any easier, I just wish I could go without getting in a stew it’s so stupid. x

  590. Bill Says:

    Debbie,i am on 15mg mirtazapine and like you they give me a good nights sleep.I am finding my symptoms especially lightheadedness getting stronger and it is with me all my waking hours.I know the beta blockers have many effects.I think i need to come off medication for a while and try to find out exactly where i am,will discuss with doctor.

  591. Jo Says:

    Hi Debbie, a difficult situation for you, hope you manage ok. I know what you mean about just doing stuff without without getting in a stew about it. I also feel that others are suffering more than I am, and yet they seem to cope so much better.

  592. Doreen Says:

    Just a thought for those who say they are suffering with light headedness. You may well have done this but I find that if I breathe deeply and properly it seems to help clear my head. I think we often carry our bodies in a tense way and almost forget to breathe.

  593. kelly Says:

    Guys I couldn’t feel any lower than I do now. Everything is just falling apart

  594. Debbie Says:

    Well I managed to meet up with my friends, I can’t say I enjoyed myself, I felt like coming straight home and crying cos I felt so awful but I went to the wool shop, it’s hard not to focus on how bad I felt and not the fact I went, it’s strange how ur mind loves and thrives on the negative, why can’t it thrive on the positive?
    Doreen u r so right about the breathing when I was at the cafe I realised I wasn’t breathing right and I was holding my stomach in so clenching my muscles!
    Another thing is to realise if u haven’t done something for a long time u will feel anxious so I know I have to do it again and again then hopefully I won’t feel as bad.
    Nows the right time to practice accepting I suppose, accept that I felt awful I was bound to be but I did go now carry on with my day!

    Jo how r u feeling today?

  595. mm16 Says:

    oh yes the memory terrible , our minds need a good rest . thank you all for the lovely replies about my mum and dad , i would cope so much better if i didnt have anxiety . feel shaky and exhausted today but going to get on with the housework . thats right doreen with the breathing , and my goodness dont we hold ourselves tense . hope all you lovely people have a good day xx

  596. mm16 Says:

    just been thinking, now and again when i have lost the fear and let go i have felt peace , wish i could do that all the time!! i was going shopping with my daughter then straight to the cinema , and i actually thought i am not bothered what happens … anxiety kill me if you have to , im sure that was accepting , willinly as claire weekes and paul say , and i had a great day with no fear . if only i could do that all the time . xx

  597. Jo Says:

    Doreen I am guilty of the not breathing, I very often have to remind myself to breathe. How are you today ? x

    Debbie I was in the same boat as you this morning.Went out with Meg, had a rest, turned up a pair of jeans and got stressed because it wasn’t going very well. Then went to town with my two men. By the time we got to the cafe I was feeling terrible and just wanted to come home, and like you, felt like crying. Major DP, and so weak. Feeling a bit better now I’m resting again. I know the weakness is through not eating, but I just can’t face food. x

    mm16, wish there was more we could do to help your situation. It sounds as though you are coping brilliantly under the circumstances. x

  598. Debbie Says:

    Jo I know how u feel about eating, last time I was bad I lost over three stone, now I’m wishing I could lose that again but without the anxiety! Do u find u can eat something in the evenings? x

  599. kelly Says:

    I’m in such a bad situation. I think things are over with me and my partner. I just dunno what to do anymore :(

  600. mm16 Says:

    jo its hard with the appetite , try your best to have liitle and often , and not to add worry to it . i have had a small bowl cornflakes today . yes debbie the appetite improves a little in the evening and find i can eat a bit more , i try get it down somehow because of my iron levels going so low . jo didnt you do fantastic going to london , i was thinking about you walking my westies this morning , what an achievement . xx

  601. mm16 Says:

    guess what im doing ironing , with claire weekes cd on , her voice is soothing . all my windows are open , if the neirborghs hear they will think i am crazy haha x

  602. Bill Says:

    It seems as if my symptoms are continually increasing in strength,i am so tired and feel so weak,this lightheadedness has got so strong i am thinking twice about going outnow,just nipped to the bank before and i was so dizzy walking back i did not feel in control of my legs at all,how dizzy can this make you? had blurred vision and tense all day.Very very difficult to concentrate on anything but yourself.My left arm and fingers are now tingling,i just feel as if something bad is about to happen anytime.Sorry to moan but i know so many of you can relate.Off to doctors at 5,i need to come off beta blockers i think,too many side effects ?Any advice most gratefully accepted.XX

  603. mm16 Says:

    hi bill , glad you are going to doctors , my brother is on beta blockers and it took them a while to adjust the dosage for him he was very dizzy and had a bad stomach . all the best bill im sure the doctor will sort it out could be bad side affects . you are definetley not moaning , im just glad your going to get it sorted , x

  604. Jo Says:

    Hi Debbie, sometimes I can eat a bit better in the evenings but just lately not so good. I did manage a few chips on the sea front last night.

    mm16, I don’t know how I did London, or York! There was one day in London that I survived on half a packet of quavers and two biscuits. Wish there was a doctor like Dr Weeks around here. And in the days when doctors actually visited you at home.

    Bill,It’s good to go and get sorted out. It will help put your mind at rest too. Let us know how you get on. And don’t ever appologise for moaning…you’re not, you are sharing.

  605. Ciara30 Says:

    Kelly, u are fine. I promise u will feel better soon, having a relationship end is devastating at the time but u will overcome it let the tears come don’t fight them, they are the bodies way of cleansing itself . Remember u may feel all alone but u are not u have a family that loves u and all of us here for continuous support

  606. kelly Says:

    I feel like its my fault because I.am not me anymore

  607. kelly Says:

    I’ve changed so much I don’t know who the old me was anymore

  608. Ciara30 Says:

    Kelly, u have to remember that u are u, u have to feel like this for now it won t be long until ur true happiness resurfaces from this giant cloud of doom, u are fighting with yourself and blaming yourself which u really have to stop doing! I feel like rubbish for some moments in the day but I don’t blame myself for my behaviour or anyone else’s. I feel what I feel so be it, so feel what u feel and so be it! Please read dr. Claire weeke s book the really could help u

  609. kelly Says:

    My behaviour is so erratic gone lately. I just can’t see any happiness x

  610. Helen Says:

    Kelly,

    Happiness comes when you stop looking for it. Anxiety goes when you stop trying to make it go. You must accept that what you have at the moment is anxiety and leave it alone. Do not blame yourself for anything, do not feel guilty. If your relationship has broken down as a result of what you are going through you must accept that, one day, you will look back and know it was for the best. You can’t see this now and you wouldn’t be expected to but better times will come to you, i promise. You must go through all the things you are feeling and experiencing and know that you will learn from it and you will become a person that you really like and admire. Stick with it, go through all the pain you are going through whilst knowing that it will stop one day and you will feel great.

    All the best
    Helen

  611. Teresa Says:

    Kelly
    You may be just having a ‘break’ in your relationship – I am not trying to make light of what you are going through but you are under a lot of strain and your partner may well be having difficulty handling it. I know how bad this thing can get and i realise what a strain it can be on the people closet too – but you have to think of yourself at this moment and that means abandoning guilt if you can (I know this sounds hard). Helen is giving sound advice – sometimes life is life, we cannot change it but somehow it unfolds and becomes something else, very often better than what we had hoped. Break ups are awful – but life does move foward from that point, it maybe just a hiccup – or it maybe a new beginning – i really hope you feel better soon.
    Helen, I always feel your advice is so good. i know you suffered for a while and came out the other end. You say a lot in a succint way – I expect your post will inspire many. Thanks

  612. Bill Says:

    Hi all,doctor has agreed to take me off beta blockers over a 10 or 12 day period by reducing the dosage gradually,these have so many side effects that after a while i will hopefully see some improvement with some of my symptoms.If the blood pressure rises too high then there are plenty other options available.Feeling a little better now,funny what the mere thought of the doctors can do to you when you have anxiety,time to try and relax,and remember to breath.Best wishes to all.

  613. kelly Says:

    thanks to you both.

    The trouble is I know I love him and looked forward to spending my future with him. Now its all got to breaking point and all i can see in my future is doom. I have changed im not me anymore and i have pushed him away. I just cant feel love anymore. I am closed off from everyone, even my son who is 15 months. Its not nice for him having a mum like me. I’ve tried my best to just carry on with life regardless but nothing makes me happy anymore and i see no hope.

  614. kelly Says:

    I was so excited to see my son grow up, start school etc. Was so proud of him. Now im just full of fear and those thoughts that previously made me happy now fill me with dread :(

  615. Charlotte Says:

    Jo, well done for going into town today even though you couldn’t face it. It’s an achievment you made it in. I wouldn’t even attempt sewing as I know how stressed I would get lol, i try to minimise that but you tried which is great.
    I went into town also to exchange a dress I brought online. All I wanted to do was rush into the shop exchange the item, and run out again…to my horror there was a queue! ahh my worst nightmare, so I had to wait, although I felt like I must look like I am the most impatient person ever, I probably looked quite normal…
    I have had racy thoughts all day, it hasn’t been a good one, not like the past few days. I felt so confused because I was depressed, but yet massively anxious that I was just never going to be happy again. Losing him has completley changed my life, and I just don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing now.

  616. Charlotte Says:

    Kelly, I’m sorry to hear your going through a tough time with your partner. It really can be so hard for our loved ones to understand some time, but it doesn’t mean they love you any less. Give him time, and remember that you must focus on you right now x

  617. kelly Says:

    I question whether I really want to be with him, whether I can see myself being happy with him in a few years time and I can’t answer it. I can’t imagine it at all. Or I can but I see me not being happy. Yet last year we were so happy looking forward to the baby arriving, and were fine for months after.

    Me and his mum were quite close, she has been down for a week helping us move and she started screaming abuse at me last night calling me lazy, bone idol, selfish etc… Long story.

    So now we are not talking,she went home today. As a result its not looking good for me and my partner.

    My little boy I feel sorry for cause he is probably wondering what the hell is going on :(

  618. Helen Says:

    Kelly,

    The problem at the moment is not your partner, not your son and not you, it is anxiety. You are looking forwards trying to see a time when you will be happy again and because you can’t see it you take it as a sign that in fact you aren’t happy with your partner or your life. Kelly, I must urge you not to make any huge decisions at the moment. What you have to do is to stop looking for answers, stop looking forwards to try and feel some future happiness because you won’t find it yet. You really have to accept that you have anxiety, the minute you do that you can stop searching for answers and a reason as to why you feel the way you do. You really and truely have to live for today and by that I mean you get up in the morning and do everything you have to do and allow the thought ‘maybe i don’t want to be with him anymore’ without trying to work out why you don’t. When you don’t feel like going and doing the shopping and you want to lie on the sofa instead, you drag yourself up and you go shopping. When you don’t want to go out because you don’t know how you are going to feel or you are scared, you go out anyway. When someone calls you on the phone and the last thing you want to do is speak to anyone, you pick up the phone. You do everything that you need to and everything positive that you want to and you do not fight what is going through your head or how you feel physically. When you recover from anxiety decisions you need to make are clear in your mind even though they may be difficult.
    Kelly, please understand that this is all caused by anxiety and you are looking for answers in the wrong place. You aren’t happy at the moment but you will be, you must stop searching for it as it will find you.

    All the best
    Helen

  619. DCYL Says:

    Hey All,

    Just testing out posting from outside the house. Hope everyone’s weekend was good. What I wanted to post the past couple of days was that it was good to stay busy and occupy our minds. Matt’s suggestion from a few weeks ago was quite good.

    In the past couple of weeks, I’ve felt better because I’ve turned my attention outward (as much as I can). I’ve taken up video editing and have been converting old VHS videos into digital form and making some highlight clips (these old videos are showing me and my friends participating in sports activities).

    On the other hand, it was a holiday over here in the States. Even though I was active over the weekend, there was some anxious thoughts saying why I didn’t do more stuff or more “exciting stuff”. Part of this may have been due to me being a little tired from the weekend and the mind wasn’t quite as clear as usual.

    I do feel progress is being made and hope to continue on over time. :)

    Hope everyone is well.

  620. kelly Says:

    Helen

    thanks for your reply.

    I’m just finding it all a bit hard to deal with. I get confused about why I went from being happy go lucky always seeing the good in everything to being like this.

    I used to just care about normal things, now I just feel numb and don’t feel anything apart from fear and fear of everything. Its horrible.

  621. kelly Says:

    I wonder how mark R is doing? Not seen him about lately

  622. mm16 Says:

    hi bill , oh i am glad you went to the gp . hopefully some of your worst symptoms will start to subside , i get so anxious seeing the doctor , bet you felt so much better after seeing him though , all the best bill and good days ahead x

  623. Jo Says:

    Charlotte, I think you have to realise that your life can go on without him, however hard that seems just now. It is natural that you feel you will never be happy again, you thought your future was set. As you get older you will see that life changes all the time, but you will be happy if you go with those changes. Sometimes the changes are too much for us and we get anxiety, but it will get better.
    I had a bad day too yesterday. After I got back from town I just got on the settee and had a rest afternoon. I just felt exhausted and didn’t see any point in trying to push myself further, so I just gave in to it. I missed the afternoon walk with Meg, but my son kept me company and I managed a slice of toast. Then later my husband made me a jacket potato, and by 7.30 I felt well enough for the evening walk. Also I let myself think of Mum and faced the pain and fear that came with it. I have been stopping myself thinking about her because of how it made me feel, but I think I have to let those feelings come before I can let go of her, if you see what I mean.
    I hate queues too, even when I’m feeling normal, but in anxiety mode they are a nightmare. Hope you have a better day today. x

  624. kelly Says:

    Anyone else have horrible morbid thoughts with their anxiety? There really scaring me and making me even more anxious.

    I feel terrible, just can’t relax at all. Leaving everything go like bills and stuff :(

  625. mm16 Says:

    bill , my husband is on ramapril for blood pressure and has had to stop them because of the side effects , he has just told me today how bad he feels since taking them , extremley tired, and lighthead and dizzy , he says he cannot possibly go on taking them , jo is right us that suffer anxiety can sometimes blame it on every symptom we have , and its not always the case . i have the numb left arm and hand today and im on no medication , i cheked it with the doctor and he said mine is anxiety . my husband has been on them 2 months now , but he was telling me how bad he feels on them , he didnt mention it to me before , because he thought the side effects would wear off and didnt want to worry me , as enough on with my parents . anyway bill hope your feeling better today , and hope everyone else on here is good x

  626. kelly Says:

    I’m wondering whether it would be wise for me and my partner to have some time apart but I just don’t know…

  627. Mark R Says:

    Hi Kelly,

    Helen is right, it is best to make decisions like that when you feel better. In 2005 I saw a useless therapist who told me to end a relationhip with a girl i really loved as it was the cause of my anxiety. I did and I felt worse. Don’t fall into this trap.

    Mark.

  628. Mark B Says:

    Hi All,

    This is the first time I’ve posted but I’ve been reading the posts/website for a couple of weeks. Just after a bit of advice.
    I first had a panic attack at the beginning of April I’m 35 and happily engaged, just bought a new house. Couldn’t be happier apart from having a pretty stressful job and my dad being ill.(now on the road to recovery) This panic attack shocked me and I thought I was having a heart attack. The panic attack seemed to be a result of me constantly worrying for about 4 weeks that I had something wrong with my heart as I do loads of sport/excercise and someone I played football against recently died of a heart attack on the pitch. Which got me worrying about myself.
    I obviously got checked out all clear but the doc thought i was suffering from anxiety.. SO by chance this was the first website I found when searching for answers. I had a terrible 3 weeks thinking i was going mad/was going to lose my job and thus house and everything but once I read this site for around 2 hours and bought Paul’s book i felt alot calmer.
    By the start of May and was feeling better and I’d made changes to my diet and felt much better. So much so that I didn’t fully read Paul’s book as I felt I didnt need to and just picked out bits and bats. For the last 2 weeks I’d felt great and thought the anxiety had gone and the doc took me off the betablockers and said i was sorted. Then for no apparent reason on Monday I felt terrible and all the obsessive thoughts started again where I constantly have to tell myself to accept anxiety and try to block out all negative thoughts (as per instructed in the book) but I can’t seem to stop the negative thoughts and comparisons with how good I felt last week and now I’m back to square 1. I find myself putting something at work off till I have had time to ‘chat to myself’ :) to try follow Paul’s advice!! ie no negative thoughts and just accept anxiety. I even find myself doing this when I’m in the gym on the runner!! I feel I am obsessively trying to beat this….
    I know I havent suffered for long, 2-3 months but its so fustrating thinking I was going great for the last 3 weeks to now being terrible, especially the nerves and dread in the morning!! I am going on Holiday on Friday and am dreading it for some reason.. For starters I am actually going to read Paul’s book tonight but I’ve found myself doubting that it will work after reading that some people have suffered for years and I am only a few months in!! some advice would be greatly appreciated. I’ve always been a deap thinker and priding myself on being a very good problem solver but feel this is making this harder for me!
    Mark B

  629. Mark B Says:

    Oh yeh, what I meant to ask was, I am able to start getting better even though I have only recently had anxiety for a few months. I haven’t had the DP but 3 really bad panic attacks and most of the other symptoms. I tried to not read Paul’s book as i was sort of avoiding it as I’d thought I had got better so didn’t need it. When I tried to read bits I found that my heart started racing and the anxiety came back so I left it alone.

  630. Bill Says:

    mm16 ,my sister is confident i will see a change when i finish the beta blockers,i am just so dizzy at the moment i feel as if i am swaying.i also am always shattered.best wishes to all.

  631. kelly Says:

    Mark

    I just don’t know what to do anymore.just feel so empty and see no enjoyment in anything. I can’t even interact with my son. Life just feels pointless.

  632. kelly Says:

    Just feel like drinking :(

  633. kelly Says:

    Having a really hard time seeing hope. All I get is negative horrible thoughts :(

  634. Jo Says:

    Mark B – recovery is possible no matter how long or short a time you have been suffering. Stop looking for answers, there aren’t any, stop fighting the feelings and thoughts and just let them come. I have been doing this for the last few days (it isn’t easy) and it does help. These thoughts and feelings will reach a peak if you let them, and then subside. They are unpleasant but they can’t harm you. Try to stop thinking so much. My motto has become ‘don’t think, do’ I have spent to long trying to talk myself into doing something instead of just getting up and doing it. If you can master that, you will be on the right path. It won’t happen overnight, or even in a few days, but things will get better believe me. A few months ago I was having panic attacks, and felt awful but now I can see the difference.
    I haven’t had an attack for quite a while, and although my mornings are still rough, things in general are improving. Read Paul’s book… but more importantly, take it in. You will be ok.

  635. Doreen Says:

    Mark B – Jo’s advice is good. No matter what has happened to anybody else – you are going to get through this in your own way and time. It may take longer than some people – it may be quicker than others. Take each day as it comes, and try to live WITH it rather than fighting it. I don’t think blocking out the negative thoughts is quite what Paul will have meant. Even that process can add to the anxiety and stress. Just see them for what they are – thoughts and that is all. And you are not alone. Believe me, if you asked everyone in a supermarket to put up their hands of they have had anxiety you would be relieved to see how many people respond. You may have looked at them as you walked round and envied them their apparent confidence. One of my most rewarding encounters was when my shaven headed tattooed hairdresser told me that he had anxiety and that probably 1 in 6 of his clients did.

  636. Ciara30 Says:

    Hi guys feeling pretty rough today, just need some support I feel like I have to hold myself together all the time I got scared to cry and now that I ve started I just can stop my mother keeps telling me I have to go back on my medication and go back to my councillor I know it s a set back but I m struggling to believe it at the moment, I want to be on my own then I m scared to be on my own, I m supposed to be going back to work on Sunday which is 3 hours from home to an empty house dreadin it ! Any advice or help would be greatly appreciated

  637. Charlotte Says:

    Seems like alot of us are struggling with the negative thoughts at the moment, I know I am. I feel like I am making process, to what I was anyway but these thoughts are so frustrating and really hold you back. I think things like ‘what is the meaning of life’ and ‘how do I do something, and enjoy it,without thinking about the background murmer of anxiety’. I just want to do…rather then think. The thoughts make me feel so scared, I wish I could just be calm and enjoy life!

  638. kelly Says:

    Charlotte,

    I am exactly the same as you at the moment. Can’t see the happiness in anything, can’t relax even to watch tv, I am so depressed and anxious that I can’t see what’s going on around me. Seems as soon as I focus on the now, I get these thoughts in my mind of the future. Its really getting to me.

    I should be able to enjoy my son and enjoy spending time with my partner. I can’t even do that. My partner thinks I don’t love him. As a result he is unhappy. I feel so stressed out.

    I get all horrible thoughts going round in my mind too, mainly of death and it scares me too.

    I am just an empty shell who feels nothing apart from fear. Sometimes I just don’t even feel like eating let alone cooking. Its just like I am letting the world pass me by and not taking an interest.

  639. Mark R Says:

    Jo,

    Can really see the difference in your posts now. Sounds likd you’re starting to take control.

    Mark

  640. kelly Says:

    I look around me and people seem to be so content with the things they are doing, whether it be working or watching tv etc. I wonder how, I wish I could but I know I used to be able to.

  641. Charlotte Says:

    That’s how I feel Kelly, I look at others and wish I knew how to be like that again. I know it’s anxiety but I don’t know how to get to a positive calm mind. I think some meditation could help. Do you have a garden? When I had a racy mind I found it really therapeutic to clear out weeds and plant some flowers. Try and find the strength to do something, anything then dwell on your feelings.

  642. Sam Says:

    So weird reading the book again after some time as you notice, understand and believe different bits everytime

  643. Chris Says:

    Kelly (and others),
    Your biggest problem is that you constantly are posting in this blog. You need you need to find another focus in life rather than the anxiety and depression. It will definitely suck at times but just do other things. By constantly posting in here, you are Only focusing on negativity. Go out and enjoy the world, even if it feels like it sucks. In good time, things will become better than they ever were. People who go through generalized anxiety are much stronger and I feel are happier when they come out the other side. Once you suffer, you never will again! You will learn that it was just the constant negativity day in and day out that kept you at this point. Go out and do things with your partner, play with your child, go outside, enjoy a hobby. It will probably not feel fun at first but after time and a new focus it will all just fade away. One day I just stop visiting anxiety sites, stopped looking up symptOms, put my computer in my closet, and began a new life. It felt strange at first but happiness finally ensued and I see now that it would be impossible for me to ever to return to that point. Life is all about perception, and luckily perception can be changed.

    Best of luck,
    Chris

  644. Jo Says:

    Hi all. I had a fairly decent day yesterday, and by tea time I was feeling quite peaceful and normal, it was lovely. All gone this morning of course. Woke at 4.30 and nothing to do but stew! At one point my thoughts seemed so jumbled I feared I was having a stroke or something, but it passed. Still feeling a bit trembly and afraid, but just relying on the thought that it will get better as the day goes on.
    I think we have all lost sight of that important fact again – patience! This thing is going to take time to go away, and that won’t be until we have faced it and accepted it. I’m not saying this lightly believe me, I know how hard it is because I’m still struggling with it, but I’m starting to get it slowly.
    It is easy to get downhearted when things go bad after a good day or two, just remember what Paul has said. Take the good days and bad days for what they are.
    I take each day as it comes now. If I feel strong enough to go shopping or whatever,I do, even if I feel bad. If I feel terrible and know forcing something is going to make me worse, I don’t do it. I’ve always disliked shopping even when I was normal, so why should I want to do it now? Hope that makes sense.

  645. Jo Says:

    Chris, it is good that you have got to the point where you can leave this site alone and concentrate on other things, but some of us are not at that point yet, and still need to know we are not alone. I agree that it is not good to be constantly posting but I find it helps me to try and help others, if I can. There is no where else to turn to when in need of a bit of reasurrance. Doctors don’t want to sit and chat, CBT is a waste of time and not everyone can afford therapy or counselling.

  646. jackie Says:

    Hi everyone :)

    I hope you are all doing OK

    Did anyone see the Peter Andre programme last night on ITV2. I know that he went through a breakdown years ago and he still gets panic attacks and he was trying to overcome his fear of heights so he could go on roller coasters with his little boy. He went to Thorpe Park and he was going to do it and he had a therapist with him, she was dressed in a suit very smartly and sounded very posh and she was giving him some advice before he attempted the roller coaster.

    She said to him something along the lines of “Right, everyone has their positive inner voice and their negative inner voice, how to get rid of the negative voice, you get the positive one to tell it to f**k right off” !!!!

    The way she said it really made me laugh as it was so unexpected but you know, it is so true!!

    He ended up doing the rollercoaster not once but three times. To get rid of the fear you have to do it over and over again. It then breaks the fear.

    Just wanted to share that with you, if you didn’t see it, its on again tomorrow night ITV 2 Peter Andre – My Life :)

    Sending you all positive and hope

    luv Jackie xxxx

  647. Jo Says:

    Kelly, all your problems at present seem to concentrate around whether you want to be with your partner or not. This seems to have come on from your meeting with the other friend from your past who wants to help and support you. Perhaps you are wishing your present partner was more like that. Your old friend understands the problem, your present partner doesn’t. Give him Paul’s book to read and he will get a better understanding, from a different point of view, not just your own. My husband read it so he could better understand and know how to help. Don’t make any hasty decisions.

  648. Mark B Says:

    Hi Jo, Doreen.

    Thanks for the advice, I didn’t mean blocking out the negative thoughts its more that when I am busy with work/sport or out at the pub if I haven’t thought about anxiety for 30 mins/an hour I find that a little voice in my head wants me to stop and run through all the advice I have found on this site and in the book to sort of reassure myself. It is then that I start comparing how I feel at that moment to how i felt the previous day/week. After reading Paul’s previous post (how to calm an over active mind) I said to myself I need to stop this sort of OCD/obsessive like behaviour and draw a line in the sand and stop analysing everything and just get on with life. So when I feel relaxed/ busy doing something and the anxiety isnt there if the little voice says that I need to stop what I am doing and concentrate on thinking about anxiety advice and block that out and force myself to get on with what I was doing. Its quite hard but I need to stop this bad habit! I’m fine with accepting the anxiety and getting on with my day its just every hour or so my mind trys to force me to think about/analyse advice I’ve had. I’m trying to stop doing this as its a waste of time and energy. I can also accept the irrational thinking/negative thoughts and just move on with my day, its more the constant searching for answers and re reading of advice in my head that I’m struggling to shut out.. Don’t know if anyone else has this??
    Thanks for getting back to me so quickly, it certainly helps. And as I said I haven’t had any panic attacks since I started reading this site/book. I feel very anxious sometimes but just say to myself its adrenalin and it will pass and if I get chatting to someone and get on with things it always passes. cheers Mark B

  649. Jo Says:

    Hi Jackie, thanks for that, but I’m sure it was all perfectly staged for the tv show. a specific fear can be tackled because you know what you’re scared of , but just being afraid for no reason is a bit more difficult. I wish I could afford my own personal therapist to help me :)
    Not knocking your post by the way. It’s just that these tv personalities live in a different world to the rest of us.

  650. Mark B Says:

    Also, I found that a great tip from Paul was to increase my excercise. I suffered from a couple of bad panic attacks but after reading the panic attack section of the book I haven’t had one since. I had mine in a restaurant and a busy pub and for a few weeks after that I forced myself to go out with friends and put myself in the same situation. But before I went out I went to the gym first if a could fit it in and then had a sauna and shower and felt a lot calmer when I was out. I don’t have to do this now but at the start it certainly helped loads. Since I’ve just kept my excercise levels up and feel a lot better for it. Its now like I said just a case of stopping this obsessive habit of trying to run through advice in my head before I can carry on with things.

    thanks

  651. jackie Says:

    Hi Jo, I just thought I’d post that as from what I’ve read before he also went through a pretty bad breakdown and also suffers anxiety and panic issues (not just with roller coasters) :)

    Wishing everyone here the very best on your road to recovery xxxxxxx

  652. Jo Says:

    Mark B, I think what you are doing is testing yourself to see if the anxiety is still there. I do it too. Some days I can accept, and some days, like today, I want answers, and keep coming back here to read posts or looking elsewhere. I know I shouldn’t do it but I can’t help it. I have to keep reminding myself that even when I was ‘normal’ I had negative times as well as happy ones, I got angry and irritated and just accepted I was having a bad day.It’s just that now I question why I feel that way, because everything seems magnified. Sorry, I’m not too good at expressing myself.

  653. Jo Says:

    Thanks Jackie, just having a naff day. x

  654. kelly Says:

    Jo,

    With Steve, my friend he went through some depression himself but is a different person now. He is so positive and always going and seeing new places, appreciating the little things. He phoned me many times yesterday telling me I need to start doing some things for me that I enjoy. He is trying to encourage me to start doing things I used to love like photography.

    My partner matt however, I talk to him and tell him how I feel and its like he is listening but not really listening if you know what I mean? He is a laid back kinda guy. I said I need his support but don’t know how he can support me.

    Steve keeps saying he will take me out to places like Weston super mare and other places to take pictures as he is into photography too.

    I just find everything so mundane lately. Even sometimes the big things don’t excite me anymore. This feeling of dread for everything is getting me down though.

  655. Doreen Says:

    Chris – I wouldn’t agree that life is all about perception. Some of it is indeed, but real anxiety provoking blows can hit people leaving the anxiety button very easily pressed (GAD). That is certainly true for me. And at least one of those very real worries is still present and there is no way I can change my perception of it. It is the spill over anxiety into other parts of my life where I have to use Paul’s wise words as I ‘know’ my mind and body are over reacting.

  656. kelly Says:

    Jo,

    Its like I posted on my Facebook this morning ‘should I get back into photography?’. I was amazed at the replies I got on my status saying I should and I know I want to but yet the thought of it still fills me with dread because I think what’s the point, its not going to make me any happier. I know I am already putting a negative on it before even starting but I just find it so hard to be positive about anything anymore.

  657. Mark R Says:

    Hi,

    Does anyone know who’s moderating this blog? I have posted a few times from my address at home but they dont appear. Just wondering if my IP address has been blocked?

    Mark.

  658. Mark R Says:

    Chris,

    You make a good point and ultimately living life is the key to overcoming anxiety and depression. It does take a while to get to that stage though and for some this blog is a lifesaver.

    I have to disagree about once you suffer you won’t again, I have suffered on and off for years as many have on here. Its more a case of if it came back then you’d know how to cope with it.

    In terms of myself ironically I am doing more things now than when I was happy and healthy. I did a 10 mile walk across the peak district last Saturday and have kept busy every day. I still feel DP on a daily basis but I am paying it no mind, I am sick of being bullied by anxiety. This is my life and I will live it the way I want to not the way it tells me to.

  659. mm16 Says:

    hi jo , like you i had a pretty decent day yesterday , i cannot believe how exhausted i am today , will just have to rest . have to give in to days like this , because i do try on my good days . Even my voice is shakey today , wish i wasnt moaning so much . dont bad nerves take some time to heal . A man that we know died in a road accident yesterday , and i was so angry with myself , i said to my husband , that man has died , and im afraid of living . going to take dogs a walk soon try clear my head a bit . My daughter made me laugh last night , the queen was on tv , and she said to me , i wonder if she has ever had a panic attack , that realy tickled me . hope you all have a good day xx

  660. Jo Says:

    Good post Mark R, you are certainly sounding more positive. I wish I was at that stage with DP but it still scares me, I hate it. I am frightened I will never be free of it without antidepressants, and really don’t want to go back on them. This is my biggest hurdle I think.

  661. Jo Says:

    Hi mm16, isn’t it odd how a bad day seems to follow a good one? I am resting too, have managed to do dinner for everyone, and eat a bit myself, but feel very groggy and my eyes aren’t focusing. That is an excellent description, ‘afraid of living’, that is anxiety in a nutshell.
    I wouldn’t be surprised to hear the queen has suffered, she has gone through a lot. I know there are loads of celebrities who have anxiety/depression. Sometimes when I’m out (and especially on the underground in London) I look at other people and wonder if any of them are suffering anxiety too.
    By the way, you are not moaning, you are sharing :)

  662. mm16 Says:

    mark R ,yes your post are showing positive attitude , keep it up :-)

  663. mm16 Says:

    doreen , like what you said about your hairdresser saying 1 in 6 of his clients have anxiety , my eldest daughter is a hairdresser and she keeps telling me its rife mum . I am going to do what jo said , dont think about it , just do it , on with the housework for me :-)

  664. kelly Says:

    I’m having a terrible day today. My sister just said to me you look so sad, what’s up? I don’t like seeing you like this :(

  665. Gary Says:

    hello everyone,
    well im getting ready in a bit going out tonight with my best friend to a 80’s nite, we are going for some thing to eat first, i can’t believe that after a year from this starting i can do this but i can now because for all i have anxiety i have to live my life, a year ago i was on the settee at home terrified to move and was like that for 6 months, the emotions i felt i couldn’t even describe i was so frightened and was for a long time, but after coming across this site and reading pauls book, i knew i had a life to live and yes at first it was terrifying walking the dog was terrifying anything that was normal for me to do was terrifying but the alternitive to do nothing and miss my life was even more scary, so im off to have a bath, yes when im out im sure ill have some feelings of anxiety but living my life is so important to me as it is all of us! well gary get them dancing shoes on!! take care everyone Gary x

  666. Helen Says:

    Hello all,

    I have to agree with Chris’s post above about constantly posting. I never looked at the blog at all when i recovered, not once. I got Paul’s book but I didn’t realise that this blog existed at the time.
    Use this blog as reassurance and not as a crutch, Chris is right, you have to just get on with getting on no matter how you feel and by coming back here constantly you are not allowing yourself the opportunity to get some focus from elsewhere.
    I know how hard it is to go through this and this blog is fantastic for support but you have to try and get some focus elsewhere and by constantly coming back you aren’t allowing your self the opportunity. This isn’t a case of me saying this because I have recovered and have the strength, I am saying it because it is the way to recover.

    All the best
    Helen

  667. kelly Says:

    Been up to the cemetry today :(

  668. Jo Says:

    Hi Gary, I was in your position (re settee and fear) in 2004. Well done for getting this far. Have a good evening. x

  669. Jo Says:

    Hi Helen. Not everyone can be that strong. If you didn’t know about the blog how can you know for sure that you wouldn’t have used it too? Some of us need it for now, maybe some more than others. Outside focus will come when we are ready for it, we will all recover at our own speed in our own time. Thanks for the input.

  670. Charlotte Says:

    I would have to agree with Helen and Chris. I think the blog is useful if you’re having a bad day and you need some reassurance, but to use it everyday to always explain how you feeling will do you no good in the long run, as like Helen says, your not giving yourself an opportunity to gain some focus elsewhere.
    Not only that but it can bring everyone else down, so try and be mindful and respectful of others.
    I’m still recovering myself, and I know that this blog will not cure me of my anxiety by talking about it everyday, but if im struggling I know it’s here to know I’m not alone.

  671. Helen Says:

    Jo,
    You have taken offence in what I have said, I can hear it in your post. Nothing I have written has suggested that you should recover in a certain time scale, in fact, if anything, it would suggest that people be more patient and stop the quest for constant answers. The blog at the moment is quite negative as some are in a cycle of constantly looking for answers and reassurance.
    I am only trying to help and I would disagree with your statement of not everyone could be that strong, they can, it just doesn’t feel like it at the time.

  672. Ciara30 Says:

    Hi all, I m really struggling with eating again I be had to go and buy new clothes because nothing fits me anymore it’s really beginning to worry me ! I get anxious even at the thought of eating. I m trying to force myself to eat but just feel nauseous . Any advice would be greatly appreciated

  673. mm16 Says:

    hi helen , im afraid i do need to post and get reassurence on here at the moment , yes i can see your point of moving away from it . Talking about being strong , well my goodness i have had to be so strong , and sit through consultants telling me that my parents cancer has spread . By the way i had my breakdown before either of them were ill . Yes i realise it is a lot to go through with them being ill , but i do know myself and know the difference between being upset over my parents and having anxiety , what im trying to say is even if they werent ill i wuold still have this . The posts can be very inspirational and give me a kick up the bum to get moving . How did you cope with the appetite loss and the tiredness helen ? When jo and others post , it feels like they have just given me a biggg hugg . xx

  674. Charlotte Says:

    Ciara, 2 months ago I lost a stone in weight with anxiety. This was bad news for me as I was already a tiny 8.2 stone. For a few weeks I couldn’t bare to eat as I felt so sick. However, I soon realised this could get worse and worse and become a far bigger problem.
    So what did I do? Well I ate as much as I could, and then I forced myself to eat that bit more everytime. Your stomach has shrunk and the only way to put weight on again is to stretch it. It’s not easy when you don’t want to eat, but I did it, and you can too! I have since put on 5lbs and it’s getting more all the time :) bacon sandwiches and eggs really helped me.

  675. Ciara30 Says:

    Thanks Charlotte, I know it’s hard and I have to do it I ve only lost 6 lbs but I m quite tall and any weight loss is very noticeable. I ve just gotten it into my head that I ll become allergic to food I know this is ridiculous but just can t seem to get it out of my head

  676. jackie Says:

    Hi Ciara,

    I too was like this, I lost 2 and a half stone in all and couldn’t even look at food at one point. I also became freaked out that I was or would be allergic to everything, even stuff I’d eaten for years. Try and remember this is all part of your anxiety. I started off small, just an apple for breakfast, a turkey sandwich for lunch and something light for tea. It didn’t take too long after that for my appetite to return. All the wierd thoughts, feelings, they are all anxiety and if you can try and recognise when you get an anxious thought and know deep down nothing terrible will happen to you, you just carry on. Hope to help xx

  677. mm16 Says:

    helen , what i am trying to say is , that i have faced my fears so many times but the apprehension and anxiety still so bad . Thats why it seems i am so negative . You say dont try and fix it , but how can you not when physically you feel so weak .

  678. kelly Says:

    I am so scared right now.

    I feel so empty, I keep having horrible thoughts about death. Keep thinking is this it? I am pushing everyone away.

    I keep going out to try and make myself feel better because I just dunno what to do myself when really I should be with my partner and my baby :(

    I can’t handle this feeling nothing, it feels like I am already dead. I can’t stop crying. I just dunno.

    I’ve had a pretty busy day which should have kept my mind occupied but it hasn’t, my mind can’t focus on anything other than what I am feeling.

    I don’t want to eat, don’t want to do anything, can’t even relax in my own home. I feel like I am losing my mind as well as my long lost personality.

    Sorry to be so negative :(

  679. Jeff Says:

    Just checking in. Have to agree with Helen that there’s a thread of negativity occurring here, but I get it: anxiety does not seem positive in any sense of the word. It’s the little things you do while you are in it that are positive. Focus on the smallest moments of peace. I know there were days when I didn’t have any of those, but when they came I carried them like water in the palm of my hand. If you continue to do so, eventually you’ll need a bucket, and soon you’ll take them for granted just like everyone else in the world. It is a process, it is gradual, and it is often difficult and fraught with setbacks, but recovery is there for you. As Jo said, do it at your own time, but decide to do it. Do whatever you need to do to get those peaceful moments and then carry them as far as you can. Each time you’ll get better at it, promise:)

    I haven’t seen the word “yoga” on here for a while, but I highly recommend it. It was a huge part of my own recovery. It is meditative exercise: two things you need right now. One thing I do frequently: try to relax your shoulders while taking deep breaths. Try to keep them as low as possible and slightly back while you straighten your neck with your chin slightly down. Imagine the crown of your head reaching up. Close your eyes and breathe. When finished, deeply massage each arm and really try and feel your own touch on your skin. So much of my own tension is carried there. This helps to relieve that tension. It may sound like rubbish, but try it, and focus on your breathing. It may help to have someone push down on your shoulders, too. Seriously, it may sound weird, but it helps. What do you have to lose? Do whatever you can to stay positive, provided, of course, that those things are also positive.

  680. Ciara30 Says:

    Jeff, I m scared to start yoga I m scared to do anything right now this set back is brutal, I just don’t know what to do with myself at the moment I ve been doing what Paul says for the last month letting the panic feeling s come and pass trying not to pay attention or give respect to the seriously terrifying thought s, but it s sooooo hard! I feel like I m losing the will to continue I just want this to end, I know recovery is supposed to come to me but I just can’t see it right now. I have had 3 months of feeling amazing probably the best in the last 12 years but I feel worse than ever now, had to go back to the gp this morning who put me back on medications. I feel pretty disappointed by this but I just don’t know what else to do

  681. Jo Says:

    Helen, why would I take offence – was your post aimed at me? I was just saying it as I saw it. We all have our opinions and ours just differ that’s all.

  682. Gary Says:

    hi everyone,
    i had a great nite at the theatre with my best friend, home now my partner and dogs are here and i feel happy.
    Kelly my heart goes out to you because the majority of symptoms you are having now and im sure lots of other people on this blog have had, it is so scary i thought it would never end and i truly did doubt my sanity but in time things have returned and it will for you but at this moment in time it will not feel like that, its like saying how long is a peice of string? please remember you have support on here for as long as you need it.
    ciara i lost one and have half stone last year due to the anxiety and it was a horrible time i just couldn’t face eating and at the time i worried as i knew people would notice this but in time my appetite did return and is now back to normal. it will pass, in time i took up pilaties and i like aqua fit aerobics but we all find something we like to do, for me there is nothing better than watching a good film usually with the dogs beside me.
    take care everyone.

  683. Ciara30 Says:

    Thanks Gary delighted that you had a great night

  684. Doreen Says:

    Had a bit of a wobbly day but really picked up this evening when I went to my Rock Choir. Singing is just so relaxing for me and the bonus is that we all go to the pub afterwards and have a good chat. Not sleeping too well at the moment but trying to accept that 6 or so hours is ok even though it is broken up by wakeful times.

  685. Chris Says:

    You guys should not debate the advice that was given by those that have recovered. We are only offering it because it is what got us through our suffering. I understand that the blog is comforting. When I was suffering, I constantly ran to Pauls book for comforting. However, the actual recovering never came until I stepped away from it all and changed my focus to other things. I completely understand that it is hard, but the more you you step away from the topic and focus on other things, the quicker things will change for the better. You need to all take that final step and understand that things will all be okay if you step away from the topic. The posts I read on here are mainly people venting about their negative days and that is no help to anyone reading. As a person who has recovered, I am telling you that the best thing you can do for yourself is to step away from the topic, and any negativity that pops into your head just let it be. Let it all be, and understand that things will get better if you just live your life. Just keep trucking, don’t take time to worry about th

  686. Jo Says:

    Hi Doreen, good to hear you had a nice evening. I am feeling ok at present. I usually wake around 4/4.30 but am managing to drift off again lately. Hope you have a less wobbly day today.x

  687. Charlotte Says:

    Hey all, I was just wondering how everyone feels about medication, and do you think it helps at all? I have been off mine for 3 weeks now, and I’m no worse then when I was on it, but when you’re feeling so anxious you just want to do anything that will help. What’s your thoughts?

  688. DCYL Says:

    Ugh – I hope Paul gets back soon as its annoying that I can’t post from home. I am using my phone to do this so apologies for any typos.

    I want to add to Chris’s comment. When my issue first struck last year, I was like many people. Lots of weird thoughts and feelings. That led to a ton of worrying about me, health, etc. I needed reassurance so called friends a lot. That provided temporarily relief. As things went along, I ended seeing a therapist too. If I l

  689. DCYL Says:

    Hit wrong button….

    None of these things actually fixed the issue. Talking to people was nice and much needed but I still had the weirdness.

    Fortunately for me, I did not really completely understand what was happening to me. Despite the weirdness, I went to work, did my sports activities and other things. The worse was when I wasn’t busy. Sitting around ruminating did not help. One big turning point was a friend suggested I work out more. It gave me an additional thing to do and I’ve extended to doing as much activities as I can.

    My point is that Paul’s advice is two-fold. One is to accept how you are now. But what is missed is that you need to go out and just live life again. Do something to take the focus off of you. It may sound silly but you just need to focus externally on something. Friends, music, games, rtc.

    I am not all the way there. Still get weirdness at times. But it much better than before. G

  690. DCYL Says:

    Good luck and know that we are all here to support everyone.

  691. Jo Says:

    Chris I’m sorry but why can we not debate the advice given on here? Are we not allowed our own opinion, and are we not allowed to use this blog unless we say only positive things?
    I do agree that it is best to step away – eventually. There is a point where that stage is reached but not all of us are at that stage yet. You say yourself that you kept running to Paul’s book for comfort, well this is just the same.
    My god, if this had been available to me when I had my breakdown and if I had been physically able to come on, I would have been on every day if it had given me just five minutes peace.
    I’m not taking offence, just airing my opinion.

  692. Doreen Says:

    Charlotte – I was prescribed Citalopram in December and have been taking 20mg daily. I am now taking 10mg and feel no worse. It is hard to say whether it has made any difference or whether it is just the passing of time and my own management of anxiety that has made me feel like I am coping ok quite a lot of the time. I have also used (with GP’s support) the occasional diazepam when doing something which might make the anxiety too overwhelming such as my sister’s funeral. And also (again with GP’s support) I sometimes take phenergan, which is anti histamine to help me sleep when I have had a few bad nights in a row. I am not an advocate of drugs being the answer but I think they can help life be more manageable whilst our confidence grows in coping better with anxiety.

  693. Jo Says:

    Charlotte, I think you are doing fine without the medication, but it has to be a personal choice. Antidepressants saved me in my breakdown, but I got off them as soon as I could. I have a fear of the side effects so would only take them as an absolute last resort. If they help and you don’t suffer the side effects that’s great. My personal feeling is that if I can get through this by natural means I would rather do that, even if it takes longer. Drugs and me just don’t mix :)

  694. Jo Says:

    Doreen, I was given Diazepam during my break down, that was when I just couldn’t cope with the terror any more. They just put me to sleep and I felt ten times worse when I woke up. This is why I now have such a fear of taking anything.

  695. kelly Says:

    Jo,

    Just out of interest what did a breakdown feel like for you?

    Thanks

  696. kelly Says:

    Jo, Doreen and charlotte,

    I was given citaploram and diazepam to help the increased panic that would come from taking the citraploram at first. I did not have a good experience at all.

    I tried the citraploram on their own first for a few days and could not cope with the side effects. I know they take a few weeks to kick in and whatever but I felt like I could not cope with them. I felt even worse on them. I decided to try again a few days later with the diazepam. What a mistake that was. I took one of each before going to bed one night and literally straight after the room was spinny, I was shaking, pins and needles and tingles through my body. I went straight up to bed, the next morning I was still out of it. My parents come down, didn’t even really remember them being there. My partner took the baby out with him tto take my brother shopping and when he come back it was the worst he had ever seen me.

    I was just slumped over on the chair completely not with it staring at the stairs. I wasn’t responding to him. He tried for ages then decided to call paramedics. They thought I had been on some illegal drugs I was that bad. They took me in to be checked over.

    So yeah now I am in limbo, don’t know if im strong enough to do it myself but don’t think I could handle that again either.

  697. Jo Says:

    Kelly, the breakdown was a living hell, a nightmare. I spent weeks on the settee unable to do anything because of the multiple panic attacks, intense fear and depersonalisation that was so bad I though I was dead. I stopped eating entirely for two weeks and lost two stone. I couldn’t bear the curtains open, or the tv or radio on, and every noise no matter how small went through me like a knife.In effect I stopped functioning as a person.My husband and son suffered too of course, seeing me like that. It’s not something I ever want to go through again.

  698. kelly Says:

    Jo,

    Was it you who said you suffered with pnd?

    I suggested to my partner about having a look at Paul’s book but he didn’t seem too fussed tbh :(

  699. kelly Says:

    Jo,

    Is it possible to have breakdowns in different ways do you think?

    I feel somewhat like you did.

  700. Charlotte Says:

    Thanks for the input all. Like you Jo, I would really like to do this without medication, I think it can mask the problem. However I really feel like it just all gets too much sometimes, and think how can I keep living like this? it’s just unbareable.
    People keep telling me that I have to think that I will get better, and it won’t always be like this, but trying to think positive not only uses up all my energy, but I don’t even believe what I’m saying, so I’m going round in circles :s

  701. Jo Says:

    Charlotte, don’t try to SAY to yourself you will feel better, try to FEEL it, if you see what I mean. I am also a believer in not trying to do to much at once. If you are exhausted, allow yourself to rest. There is little to be gained from knocking yourself out with this. Don’t beat yourself up because you can’t accept just yet. It takes a lot of time to get there. It doesn’t mean you are weak because you don’t get there as easy or quickly as some might.
    I went shopping this morning and felt awful in Tesco, but then I don’t like the big supermarkets at the best of times. When I got back I could have made myself start tidying up,but I chose to rest instead. Now I feel a bit stronger and might go down the craft shop and after dinner will walk with Meg. Then I will probably rest again. I make no apologies for doing that because it’s what I feel is right for me. And it seems to be working for me.
    Have heart Charlotte, you will get better. x

  702. Jo Says:

    Kelly, yes I did suffer PND, although at the time I was told I was being immature and neurotic! This occured some time after the birth, quite a few months in fact. It is similar to anxiety, with feelings of despair, unreality and fear. Not as bad as a breakdown though. I remember feeling like I was on automatic pilot. I did what was necessary to care for my son, but felt very little. Medication was no help but my health visitor helped me through it.

  703. Charlotte Says:

    Thanks Jo, okay so FEEL better. I’ve also been told to think about what I do want, not what I don’t want (as this is worrying). It’s hard to imagine a time you just went about you day to day life without this now isn’t it? it’s just so weird.
    Do you think Jo that i’m still adjusting to losing my boyfriend/friend 3 months ago? He was the initial trigger and I do think i’m still coming to terms with the fact that my life is just different now, sorta like..well i’ve gotta do this all on my own now.
    Very well done going shopping at Tescos’, i’m pretty sure that you wern’t doing that so long ago which is really great x

  704. Michelle M Says:

    Hi everyone,

    Not doing too bad at the moment. Having a slightly dodgy day today but I just cant be bothered to worry about it anymore (or at least whilst I am typing this :-))

    I do read this blog every day, but can now go without needing reassurance. This really is the issue. We need to know that others are there, going through the same as us, just to make ourselves feel normal. Comparing symptoms, thoughts, etc just to reassure ourselves that all is ok.

    I feel anxious when I see my CBT lady as I equate me seeing her as me having an issue I need to sort. This just fuels my anxiety for the hour before I am due to see her. Worrying if I say something wrong, weird, or act differently to the last time. This never happens and I generally stay longer than the hour I am given as we are having a laugh and a chat.

    Kelly, I too like Jo was called neurotic by the GP. I didnt mind though as it was better than psychotic!!!! (which I thought I was getting). I was given diazepam, which worked wonders for me for those 7 days, and given citrolopram, which didnt help.

    I found a great website for PND. Some of the ladies on there mentioned Pauls website which is how I found this. The website is http://www.pni.org.uk and they have a great forum. (Hope Paul doesnt mind).

    You can be diagnosed with PND at anytime after having your baby. I had it approx 8 months after I had my 2nd daughter. I think it is far more comman than us women think. Nobody at work knew I had it, its amazing what we can cover up when we have to. Kelly, dont worry about wanting to be like all the others, happy and good mums etc… cos deep down lots of them arent but they are too worried or scared to do something about it. They are suffering more than you!

    Sorry for the long post everyone. Have a great day.

    Michelle xx

  705. kelly Says:

    Jo,

    That’s how I feel but I don’t feel anything at all for anyone. I just feel numb. I don’t even feel any connection to my parents anymore. My emotions have left me that much.

    I am up my brothers at the moment, had to walk out again. Couldn’t handle staying there to be honest. I had a bath and Theo was in the bathroom with me then I asked matt to have him so I could go dry my hair. All I could hear was matt shouting at him because he couldn’t do what he wanted to do and just over the silliest thing. So I’ve brought me and Theo out now, I just feel sorry for him. Me and his dad are worlds apart, he got his dad getting stressed so easily with him and me just numb and can’t be bothered with anything.

  706. Lesley Says:

    Wow havnt been on here for a year and I see there’s so many new people, just having a bit of a blip lately as we all do from time to time n just needed a bit of reassurance or in other words kick up the backside, cut along story short I used to have panic attacks from the age of 14 which faded out by my late teens as to be honest I got bored of having them n they never bothered me anymore so just seemed to stop, then at 27 I had my second child and instead of panic attacks which to me personally I never found as bad as this anxiety malarky, I went on to see a councillor at 30 which along with this brilliant website and Paul’s book worked wonders and I’m now at a place where I feel comfortable and am able to live my life comfortably, still have my funny five mins like just lately but on the whole not bad at all. Feel just lately I need a bit of reassurance from some one, basically I went for a check up with the nurse and my blood pressure was bloody high which of corse set me into panic mode :( I had to make an app to see my gp the following week so up till this app I’d been bit of a mess with worry, after all that my blood pressure had come down quite alot but still have to return next week for a 24hr monitor to be fitted, which I’m sure its goin to be sky high just through feelin anxious about havin it on (how silly lol) what I’m really wondering if anyone else gets worked up about blood pressure or has had similar worries? X x

  707. Jo Says:

    Hi Lesley. Yes I have had a blood pressure test in the past which was high and the next one normal. It is a well known fact that this happens. Blood pressure rises when you get worried about having it. Try not to stress about it.

  708. Jo Says:

    Kelly, Parenting is a big irresponsibility and you are quite young to be coping with it. (I found it hard at 27) On top of that you are dealing with being a couple instead of an individual. This applies to your partner too. I am not qualified to offer advice on your partnership but I would urge you to talk to a counselor, or even health visitor (if they still exist) or clinic nurse, or someone. At the very least you and your partner need to sit down calmly and have a discussion about what you both want from life. I would suggest you get someone to babysit whilst you do this, so there are no interruptions. I really think the partnership issue is a big part of your unhappiness.

  709. Jo Says:

    Charlotte, I’m afraid I’m not very good at explaining what I mean. I don’t mean you should try to feel better, because you can’t. I mean just try to feel that you will get better, rather than saying it to yourself. I’m not very good at this :) Try to relax and not dwell on how bad you feel. When you feel that horrible rising fear, don’t try to fight it, just let it come. It won’t do you any harm. It will reach its peak and then subside. There is nothing else it can do.
    I do think that you are still adjusting to the loss Charlotte, just as I am with Mum. It’s hard to realise they are not part of your life anymore. I used to stop myself thinking of Mum because it made me feel so bad, and I got scared because I felt that is what is waiting for me. In 8 months I will be 60, but up to Mum dying I was only 25 in my head. Now, suddenly I am nearly 60 in my head too, and I have found it scary.But just lately I have let those thoughts come and faced them,and now things don’t seem so bad. Just because Mum went through what she did doesn’t mean I will.
    In the same way, just because you are alone now doesn’t mean you always will be.
    Hope that makes sense. x By the way, I didn’t go to Tesco on my own.

  710. mm16 Says:

    hi to all , just got back from shopping with my daughter , felt a bit wuzzie ( dare i say that in case im being too negative ) i do think anyone suffering with anxiety does need to rest , my doctor told me this . maybe some of us use the blog too much . But how reassuring it is that there are people who understand exactly ahat we are going through , sometimes hummans do need a little empathy …. hope everyone having a good day , and a big thank you to those who take the time to post and help others so much :-)

  711. Charlotte Says:

    I get you Jo, that make’s alot more sense. Something inside of me, deep down, does feel that I will get better, but then I have another part of me (anxiety) being like..’yeah but what if you don’t?’. I think it’s time and patience and faith.
    I think I want that cure, right now because i’m scared that if it keeps going on that I won’t cope. My hairdresser just came round and picked up on something I said… ‘i’m not great but i’m coping best I can’ He said, well that’s better then not coping. He said with coping, there is always a good way forward. That doesn’t mean I don’t have days where I feel I can’t cope, because I do.

    It sounds really strange when you say your nearly 60 Jo, because to me, and by the way you talk, you sound very young at heart :) which is such a great thing to have and a good sign of a long life ahead.

    I think my mind is so confused/stressed (by the anxiety) at the moment, it’s not ‘clear’ enough to get over the problem. I think as soon we we start getting those clear mind moments we can move foward. Perhaps even the route cause of our anxiety? It’s just a shame it needs so long to ‘heal’ to get to that stage.

    I think with greif anxiety Jo, it’s more likely to clear up when we have resolved those issues we have of losing them in our minds. Only time can do this really. It’s just a very hard distressing journey along the way.

    It’s still an achievement to go to Tesco’s at all Jo, even when i’m with someone I still get anxious. All those bright lights, big spaces, people, it’s quite disorientating! x

  712. Jo Says:

    mm16, I know the feeling of muzzie. I was ok till I got in Tesco, then I got that too. I think it’s something to do with the lighting, it always make me feel weird.
    When I was in breakdown my doctor told me I was not to have any stress at all, so that’s why I think resting is good now, it gives the nerves a chance to recharge.

  713. Jo Says:

    Charlotte, those were wise words from your hairdresser. It feels strange to be nearly 60 but am quite young at heart I suppose, daft some would say. When My son and I get together my Mum used to say we were more like brother and sister than Mother and son! I think it is he who has kept me young really.
    I’ve not had a bad day at all today, after the Tesco episode :)
    Somehow Charlotte you’ll cope and you will put all this behind you. Faith and patience. x

  714. kelly Says:

    Jo,

    I’m going to try and get hold of the health visitor on Tuesday after the bank holiday and see what she says.

    Its funny cause when Theo was about 6 months she come and done a questionaire at my home to see if I was at risk and at that time I didn’t really score any points for being at risk.

    I look at him and think he is not even mine, almost like he is a friends baby that I am looking after and I just feel nothing. Its so horrible :(

    went to see my parents early evening and broke down to them again, my mum is still adamant its pnd and anxiety. She said this months ago when I was first not well and I brushed it off.

    I was so in love with him for the first few months, didn’t want to put him down, marking every milestone done pretty much as soon as it happened, even the silly stuff like his first yogurt.

    Now I feel like I am missing out on everything :( just wanna feel close to him again.

    How long did it last for you?

  715. Evelyn Says:

    Helen

    Please don’t get discourage from the negative post that some leave on here. U are by far fantastic and have helped me in my worst days.. u out all people know what ur talking about, because u have pulled yourself to the other side;) thanks for all ur help as like Paul. U don’t get paid for this and ur still here helping others. It takes alot to do this as when people recover they leave the blog forever to live their happy lives ..

    Best wishes to every one.. well all pull it through:) time

  716. Jo Says:

    Kelly, I can’t remember how long it lasted, it was over thirty years ago. Don’t dwell on how long it will last, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that it will pass. I’m glad you are going to talk to your health visitor, but you must be honest and tell her how you feel, don’t try to hide it or she won’t be able to help you. There is nothing to be ashamed of in asking for help, we all need it in some form or other at times.
    You are not missing out you know, you are there with him and it is all being stored in your memory. Take photos and make notes if you want. I ‘missed’ months with my son but I have had years with him and we have a very close relationship, nothing was spoiled by that period.

  717. Jo Says:

    Debbie, haven’t seen you for a while. Are you ok? x

  718. kelly Says:

    Thanks jo. I have joined the site Michelle gave me a link to aswell to speak to other mums about how I feel.

    I was shocked how many have had the exact same symptoms as me for the last few months.

    I just feel no hope at the moment you know and everything is such a struggle.

  719. Debbie Says:

    Hi Jo
    I’ve been really poorly with a nasty tummy bug and have been in bed, all I wanted to do was sleep in between being sick, it’s my first day up today. It doesn’t help when you take anti depressants as they don’t stay down so I suppose it’s like I haven’t taken any for three days, anyway on the mend and one positive I’ve lost a few pound in weight!
    Just been reading the posts very interesting I like the different opinions people have.
    You sound as though you are having more better days Jo? x

  720. Sophia Says:

    Hi all

    I am going through a phase where I feel depressed and I have to put extra effort to talk to people..they are so happy to see me.but I am not so excited..neither do I have anything to speak to..why so?and if I speak I look desperate..and needy to talk..

    There are so many topics to speak about..but it won’t come naturally to me and I keep doing what I must it becomes a chore

    How can I become spontaneous ? Is it because I have some restrictions in my subconscious mind which I am not aware of..
    I want to actually talk to people.. But I don’t have the confidence as I am so self conscious ..how to take the focus off me?

    Hope someone can shed light to my state of mind..!!

  721. Jo Says:

    Hi Debbie, sorry you have been poorly, being sick is just awful. Take it easy, you will be a bit week. I know what you mean about the weight loss, that’s the one good thing for me, about having little appetite. I have felt a bit better just lately. Just been to town and had a coffee up there, but was ready to come back. having a rest now.Hope you soon feel better. x

  722. Bill Says:

    Hi,
    I have asked this before and got no reply so I’ll try again so here goes… I have read Pauls book and been doing CBT as well and a lot of times in the book Paul talks about facing your fear and just going out and doing things, well I’m starting to wonder if I have something differnt than the anxiety he’s talking about as on the whole I don’t have a problem going out, that’s not what makes me anxious I just seem to feel anxious a lot of the time (but not all the time) no matter where I am!
    The thing that bothers me the most is that nearly all of the time I have this sort or awareness in my head, kinda like being aware of being aware? Like i’m constantly watching myself, it’s really hard to explain but it’s like, say…. if I was talking to somebody I would be talking to them but also be aware of this other thing in my head like I am wathching myself at the same time, or if i’m thinking about something i’m aware that I’m thinking and not just freely thinking, it’s like constantly going around saying to yourself “I must not forget, I must not forget” or “I must not let this go, I must not let this go” I hope this makes sence as I said it’s hard to explain but it’s this constant awareness that makes me anxious. So I just wondered was this just part of the anxiety cycle? I’ve had this about 6 times before in my life and it’s always came after a period of stress or worry but it’s always went away usually when I found something more interesting or important to focus on! like a new hobby or the like but something that really taxes my brain.
    To be honest i’ve really just had enough of it and I just want to rid myself off it for good, once and for all!! Now I have had some bad anxiety with it this time but after reading Pauls book and doing some CBT I have to say, it seems to be helping by just telling myself to let it stay there if it wants to and let the anxiety and panic come as it can’t harm me as it’s only a feeling! So if Paul or anyone else can shed some light on this, I feel it would help me a lot to know that this is just part of anxiety or GAD or whatever and that others have experienced the same type of thing or something similar and I am not going mad, as I am worried that maybe I have something different! Since I wrote all this the first time earlier last month I’ve read a bit more and can anyone tell me does this sound like DP? Would someone please reply thanks

  723. Jo Says:

    Hi Bill, sorry you have been missed before. I’m afraid that happens sometimes. I don’t know if this is the same thing, as you say it is difficult to describe, but I sometimes feel TOO aware of myself. It’s like your attention is on you own self being all the time, and everything else seems unreal. It is all part od anxiety an depersonalisation I think. Everyone suffers it in various forms, and as it is so difficult to describe, one person may explain it differently to someone else. You are not going mad.
    As for the anxiety feelings, yes I feel it in or out too. Sometimes it washes over me whilst watching tv, or going to sleep or just doing normal things. It’s just that some of us have extra difficulty with it when going out. Hope this helps.

  724. Bill Says:

    Matt

    Would you recommend buying the DPManual as I’v read that some people said it wasn’t very good and it was just the same things repeated over and over again but I’m at the stage where I’ll try anything but I don’t want to read it and make myself worse if you know what I mean. thanks

  725. Bill Says:

    Jo many thanks for that reply Yes it just feels like I’m watching every move i make and everything i’m thinking so do I just have to try and live along side this and it will eventually go?

  726. mm16 Says:

    Hi debbie , glad you are on the mend. jo , your input brilliant to kelly and charlotte . Had a really good day yesterday , once again feel dreadfull today , cannot understand it at all . Always the same after a good day , and never have two good days on the trot .In the house on my own today which i use to love , but hate it now . It feels like the anxiety is saying me and you alone today no running away , i feel more anxious in the house than when im out . when i was out yesterday i let the feelings come and do whatever they wanted to , but harder to do that when im at home. hope everyone manages to have a good weekend x x

  727. mm16 Says:

    Hi sophia , i was very self conscious talking to people , and like you say very hard when the attention is on you and your feelings . Iam fine now with talking to anyone , i overcame this by making myself stand and talk , no rushing . If i saw someone i knew i would approach them first , as before i use to try avoid them , i promise this gets easier sophia . Head up , plenty of eye contact , let the feelings do as they please , it works :-) The confidence will happen after you do it a few times xx

  728. Jo Says:

    Thanks mm16. I’m having a bit of a trembly morning today too. It is very odd that the bad days follow a good ones, don’t know why that is. Maybe we should look at it a different way – we are getting good days inbetween the bad ones :)
    I used to be happy in my own company but now I fear it. That was what worried me about the London trip quite a lot. I knew I had to make the journey home alone and then have two and a half days alone (and nights ). Nothing happened though and I coped with it. Again it’s just the fear talking and we shouldn’t listen, but it is a persistent devil.
    Maybe when you are out there are more distractions. Put the telly on even if it is rubbish! x

  729. Jo Says:

    Bill, yes that is the idea. Just let the thoughts and feelings be there and try not to give them a lot of attention. Just lately I have been trying to let any fearful thoughts or feelings just get on with it, instead of fighting them. Paul is right that they go away a lot quicker. I’m not saying I can do it every time, but it is getting easier, with practice. I am still the same person I was before this started and I WILL be that person again. It’s not easy and it is a horrible time to go through, but you will come out of it.

  730. mm16 Says:

    Thank you jo , yes we are getting some good days is the way to look at it . I must believe i am doing so much better . Like you i had a breakdown i dare not leave my bedroom , monthly cycles stopped and i even lost a lot of hair . My hair isnt as thick as it was but defienetly improving . Yes going to put tv on instead of silence . I never realised you did the journey home alone , my goodness more inpiration for me .You do help me to move forward jo . We are taking dogs to seaside next week , use to do it all the time , im frightened but im doing it jo , its the only way isnt it . Dont know how this sounds , but sometimes when im that scared i think , go on then , make me dizzy , make me pass out do it , that really helps me .A couple of times i have completly lost the fear and you can actually feel the peace inside you . :-) x

  731. Jo Says:

    mm16, I am so glad I help you, but we all help each other don’t we. Sounds like you have had a really rough time too. It is the way forward to do things even when you feel scared, but like me you know that can be impossible when you are really bad.
    The reason I came home alone is that we couldn’t all go together because of our dog, She doesn’t do kennels and we have no one to leave her with, so I went down with our son for two days while OH looked after Meg, then he came on the day I was coming back whilst our son stayed in London to have two days with his dad. A bit complicated but it worked :)
    Challenging those feelings seems to do the trick then, sounds good to me. I’m sure your dogs will enjoy the seaside, and you too. x

  732. Mark R Says:

    Well I had a great week last week really thought if turned a corner but I’ve gone right down this week. I reluctantly agreed to go for a weekend in Bournemouth and to a wedding. Today is the lowest day I’ve had for almost two weeks. I don’t want to be here at all, I can see it being a write off with me just crying in the hotel room.i hate this

  733. Charlotte Says:

    Jo, I’m glad you had a good day after Tesco’s. It’s lovely you have such a sweet relationship with your son, do you find he is helping you alot through this? trying to make you giggle etc? I hope you too believe that you will get through this.

    Bill, I’m sort of going through the same thing you are at the moment, so you’re not alone, and it is anxiety. Now I have almost conquered the anxiety of going out, seeing people and driving, but i’m left with the weirdness.
    I think i’m going through a recovery stage at the moment. Like you I feel just odd, and aware of myself. I know that i’m not quite right, and this does leave me feeling very confused because it’s a feeling you can’t describe. All I know is that it leaves me feeling very unsettled.
    It is anxiety, and you must remind yourself of this, and that it’s nothing else. Like Paul say’s let it come, keep talking to people, and doing what you’re doing, it does go eventually.

  734. mm16 Says:

    Hi mark R , its so up and down isnt it ? I had a brilliant day yesterday , and on days like that i think i have cracked it . I was even talking about going back to work , which i would love to do , then today having the roughest day ever . This is part of recovery mark isnt it , yes i hate it too . But like jo says at least we are having some good days :-) . Hope you feel better as the day goes on mark , and well done for going . Wish i could say more to help you , but the bad feelings will pass they always do , but hard for us to remember that when we are feeling them .

  735. Charlotte Says:

    Mark, I’m having good and bad days too, and like mm16 says it is a part of recovery. Out of 7 days I have had 2/3 bad days, none of them made any sense why they were bad days, but they just were. I would say my ‘good’ days were when I felt more at ease, it’s not like the anxiety was gone completeley but the good days gave me hope for recovery. Is this similar to yours?

  736. Jo Says:

    Charlotte, yes I do have a good relationship with James. he’s not a ‘Mummy’s boy’ in any way though. We have always been close, and since school we have had one day a week when we go to town together, and still do. He doesn’t sympathise in the general way, but is very supportive in a quiet way. Like keeping me company if I am feeling bad, without making a big deal of it. He was a great help in my breakdown recovery,Taking me shopping to Tesco at midnight when it was quiet for example.I am very lucky to have two supportive men in my life.
    As the better days come my belief that it will all pass re enforces. I’m finding too that it doesn’t frighten me so much now either how long it takes.
    It will go when it’s time for it to go.

  737. Charlotte Says:

    Jo he sounds great, I think it’s so much easier to get through this with family support. When we relax about our anxiety, it’s probably when it starts to disappear, and that comes only with time, probably when we are so used to having it! I know that’s how my dp went years ago, I litrally just got used to it, and carried on as normal. It took a while but went.

    What’s everyone doing for jubilee? I’m starting to get a bit more anxious as I’m going to a bbq party tonight, 20 or so people…should be interesting! :s of course I don’t feel totally ‘right’ but i’m going anyway.

  738. Debbie Says:

    Hi all do any of you find it really hard to get motivated? I make great plans every evening for the next day then when it comes I don’t want to do anything and that’s how it carries on, it’s not the old me, I used to love cleaning my house and making it look nice, but gradually I stopped doing this and that, I miss the old me so much!
    Also when anybody talks to me like when my husbands telling me about something that happened at work I’m not really listening, sometimes I even think why don’t you be quiet, that sounds awful at least he talks to me! I’m sure you know what I mean tho, but I want to be the old me I hate being like I am, I suppose its because you get so wrapped up in yourself, yes that’s what it is plus I only feel half alive (I know that’s weird).
    So what’s the answer as I think it’s almost become normal to feel like this its taken over, perhaps this is when I should make myself clean the house when I don’t want to, make myself listen properly to people, show interest then maybe gradually that will become normal, I think I’ve been looking at the whole getting on with your life however you feel wrongly, I thought people meant bigger things, like go abroad but it can be just the normal things, things you used to do, how funny that I’ve only ‘just got it’ BUT now it’s doing it!
    I will have the chance tomoro as my daughter is having a jubilee party so I WILL listen and I WILL join in, I shall let you know!
    I’m not going to be the poor Debbie who finds it hard (thats what I think people think about me) anymore! x

  739. mm16 Says:

    Hi debbie , This is me make the plans on a evening , and really believe i will do them the next day , only to wake with no motivation . I loved to clean the house , even ironing made me happy . Now so hard to motivate , truly horrible and so far away from my old self . I have just made myself go to the supermarket , and was looking around at other people , i thought its like asking them to go to work , or do the shop if they were ill with flu , so hard to do !! Not too bad on a goodish day but today was extremley hard debbie . Same as you i think its the bigger things people with this have to get on with , but yes its the normal stuff like cleaning ect . only feel half alive so true , theres been a lot said on here about the treads sounding negative , god only knows how we can be positive all the time with this .You go to your daughters party and wishing you a lovely time:-)I get a goodish day now and then , be lovely to get a bit of confidence back though , i feel even my family think i am abit clingy and weak , which i never was before . Best wishes for tommorow debbie , it amazes me that we all feel the same , i read the posts and nodd all the time . xx

  740. Jo Says:

    Debbie we all find it hard so don’t have such a bad view of yourself. Yes it is the every day mundane things that are as hard as going and doing special things. I have to make myself think about meals and doing the cooking, when I really have no heart for it. A few days ago I started crafting again, and really had to work hard to do it , but now I find I’m actually enjoying it again.
    Patience is the key, it will all come back, YOU will come back. Great that you are determined to go to the party, relax and enjoy it.x

  741. mm16 Says:

    Good to hear that you are enjoying the crafting again , you sound to be improving a lot jo :-) wonder if i should push myself a bit more , silly me ….. the bad days cling like mad , but the good days i forget them xx

  742. Jo Says:

    Charlotte, I think the support of family or friends is so important in this. The trouble is that people in general just don’t understand, and unless they go through it themselves they never will. But just like anyone who is ill with a more understood illness, we still need support. As for your party, just allow yourself to not feel right, and have a nice time. x

  743. Debbie Says:

    Jo it’s very hard not to have a bad view of yourself when you’ve become somebody you don’t like, even worse when it sometimes feels like your doing it to yourself!
    I have been wallowing too much, I suddenly feel its the right time to make more of an effort, I’ve been very overwhelmed with all the negatives about myself the anxiety, the weight I’ve put on due to anti depressants, I just wanted to dig a hole and stay in it, but I’m sick of waiting, waiting to feel better, waiting for tablets to work, waiting for the weight to magically drop off, waiting for that one good day so I can enjoy my grand daughter, I need to get off my fat arse and help myself by DOING! Oh god I feel better for saying that! Ha ha! x

  744. Debbie Says:

    Oh and I’m not saying any of this to my family I’m going to see if they notice a difference in me themselves! x

  745. Jo Says:

    mm16, I think we are afraid to push because we are frightened it will make us worse. It doesn’t. It may not make us feel better straight away, but I am finding it gets easier. Please stop stressing about not having motivation, it will come back, it’s not gone forever. It has been months since I actually felt motivated to do anything, yet here I am surrounded by craft stuff and enjoying it again.
    As I see it, Paul set up this blog to help sufferers of anxiety, and if that means we can come here and share our negative thoughts as well as giving support to each other, then that is what it is all about. I’m sure that if the moderators had thought anything on here was detrimental to others, they would have deleted it. x

  746. Jo Says:

    Debbie, I had to smile at that post. I have noticed a difference in you since your first posts. You’ve got it now girl, I have said all along there is a point reached when the strength to face things is reached. Well done. x

  747. Debbie Says:

    Jo so glad you have got going on your crafts, like everything it’s getting the old feelings back, once you get it all out you start fiddling then think of some ideas. I have books that started me off on making the dressed mice etc so if I flick through one it usually sparks it off (there’s a little spark in there with everyone).
    Another good thing I found was to sit in the garden with a cuppa cos I will notice a plant that needs dead heading,so I will get up to do that then start fiddling with something else and before you know it an hours gone by plus lately I’ve noticed the birds singing I think more than normal, but it’s not it’s cos I’m more aware of them now, like you said the old you gradually comes back it just takes a time unfortunately x

  748. kelly Says:

    Hi all,

    Not had a very good day today.

    I woke up with Theo this morning at half 7, my partner usually does the mornings but I said I would. He woke me up to say he was awake and I got up with him.

    Then later in the morning went shopping and went for food at Frankie and bennys with my partner and Theo as a treat.
    Just found it so hard, just want to enjoy again but these obsessive thoughts about death and my future are with me every second therefore I am even finding it hard to talk now because its constantly there and my concentration is out the window :(

  749. Doreen Says:

    What a miserable cold day – sitting here with the fire on when we should be out in a warm garden. Anyway, being reading the posts above and seeing lots of supportive stuff there. Well done Jo, with getting on with your crafts and feeling some spark of enjoyment. I don’t think we can force good feelings but just let them pop up when they are ready. I was telling some friends today that despite this being a pretty difficult six months (anxiety, post viral syndrome, gall bladder problems, swollen knee) and that’s just my health never mind worries with family members, I remember the enjoyable times more than the bad ones.
    MM16 – don’t forget that as 1 in 6 people have anxiety it is highly likely that a lot of those people in the supermarket feel like you. They are covering it up in the same way as you are.
    Regarding the topic of ‘the old me’. I recall when I had my worst breakdown after my mother died my lovely GP saying to me that maybe all the ‘old me’ which I was mourning would not come back but what took its place would be just as good. That was one of the best things said to me then and I believe it to be true.

  750. Charlotte Says:

    Well I went to the party for 3 hours and you probably wouldn’t have even known anything was wrong with me! I talked to people I didn’t know, lots of people I did, and joined in with the games. I did feel like I was ‘acting’ a bit but I know that’s okay and helps you get back to your old self.
    I have another party for jubilee tomorrow… I think I can do these things now, it’s not easy but the fact I don’t feel myself, just flatness is the unsettling thing that keeps my anxiety ticking over. Time, time!

  751. Mark R Says:

    I tried my best and was defeated. I watched the football with friends and played pool, had a few beers and went out but feelings got the better of me and I walked back along the sea front and cried my eyes out for half an hour feeling so so awful.

    At the moment I feel like this isnt worth the battle. It really isnt.

  752. Mark R Says:

    I’m sorry to be so negative but I feel I have a right to. Over the last ten years I have tried to fight and beat this thing and on several occassions I have won but its not worth it anymore. All I can see is a lifetime of this and a lifetime of pain and misery isnt a life I want.

  753. Vamanan Says:

    Mark R,

    The fact that you have acknowledged that you beat anxiety on several occasions shows that you had good times. Still you are trying to judge the last 10 year life based on anxiety. I know it can be very tough with anxiety but you have to try to change your negative perspective. Also the attitude of constantly trying to feel better will keep adding stress to your body. If you can tell yourself I am not going to fight my feelings or thoughts however horrible it is and practice that attitude of “not fighting” you will see progress. During setbacks you may feel like defeated (I did too and still do when I have a setback) but the fact is it will always get better if you just drop your arms and stop fighting with your thoughts and feelings. Hope this helps.

  754. Matt Says:

    Mark R….I was at that stage too, and then that’s when I started my journey out of it. Listen, Anxiety may not be a choice at the moment, but can choose how you are going to let it affect your life. That’s the decision I HAD to come to, because I couldn’t even leave the house. You have to surrender and give up the battle that can’t be won brother. I know you can make it through this, paul had it for ten or more years and recovered and so has countless others. Begin to believe in yourself and have hope. I like the acronym for hope which is hearing other people’s experiences. Read them and practice the techniques and you will conquer this, it’s gonna be ok man.

  755. Charlotte Says:

    Wise words from Vam and Matt. Mark R- when you go out, try not to drink as alcohol is a depressent, and can really play tricks on your feelings. My theory on recovery is that I try and not hinder myself in anyway…and that means no alcohol, limited sugar, and a walk everyday. You have beaten this before, you know it’s possible again x

  756. Jo Says:

    Doreen, you are so right about not being able to force good feelings, they have to be spontaneous. Just as they do when we are ‘normal’. How many of us are happy all the time without anxiety I wonder? So why do we feel we need to be happy all the time WITH it.

    Charlotte – well done ! Feel proud of what you have achieved, you are moving forward.

  757. Jo Says:

    Isn’t it funny how we are all preoccupied with ‘the old me coming back’. Well here’s my theory. All of us have gone through some kind of traumatic, hurtful or fearful experience, and now we are hiding, afraid to come out in case something else bad happens. We haven’t ‘gone’ anywhere, we are still in here hiding beneath layers of fear, worry, insecurity – whatever. Fears about the past, the future, getting old or infirm or dying, or anything else that is a personal fear. We are still the same people we have always been, it is just our fearful thoughts and feelings that keep us smothered. Sometimes those thoughts and feeling overwhelm us and we start to feel weird, and that coupled with lack of sleep and lack of food makes us feel dizzy and groggy and even more weird. With time those fears will start to recede back where they belong, and we will start to surface from beneath the layers. Fear is a powerful emotion, it keeps us from putting ourselves in harms way, it protects us.
    With me, my Mum’s death has triggered fears of getting old and infirm, and of death. I believe that once I have faced that fear and put it in its place, I will come out of hiding. It’s just a matter of time for all of us. Like throwing a stone in a pond, it takes time for the ripples to subside.

  758. Mark R Says:

    Hi Matt, vermanen.

    I’ve been in setback now for around six weeks and been dealing with this anxiety this time round for over two years. I spent around 10 months where I didn’t care how I felt and only had the odd day where it was really bad. Six weeks ago it came back with a vengeance.

    Im not actually fighting these feelings in working with them but sometimes they really do get out of hand like last night. I am doing my best to work through this setback.

  759. Mark R Says:

    Sorry wrong button!

    At worst the anxiety is horrendous which I admit isn’t everyday. I’ve not had a day like yesterday for almost two weeks. The dp is constant though and although it’s harmless it does depress me

  760. kelly Says:

    Jo,

    what a good post. It seems like you are on the right track and understanding and accepting. I haven’t been around long but even I can see the change in your posts lately. I take my hat off to you.

    :-)

  761. Gary Says:

    Morning Everyone,
    as usual, anxiety kicking in this morning!! took the dogs for a walk, lots of deep breathing on the way felt better when i got home but i did it!! went and picked my mam up she is with me now, ill take her home later, lost my dad in feb and mam and dad were married for 61 years so it has hit my mam really hard she is so lost, so am i he was a wonderful man, then ill have to go and find presents its my twin sisters 60th birthday next week but being twins ill have to choose carefully more pressure!! and next week we are off on our holidays a week in the lakes with the dogs, bit nervous about this as anxiety started last year this time and when we went away last year only lasted 2 days out of the 7 and had to come home due to feeling so horrible, but hopefully it will be a good holiday and i do feel so much better than i did last year so here’s hoping!!
    Jo – i love your posts i think you are very grounded and give lots of good advice to people who need it on here even when you are not feeling to good yourself, i hope you are having a nice weekend.

  762. Jo Says:

    Thanks Kelly, I do feel i am progressing a bit, but not going to get too excited about it, because I am aware it could all go wrong again tomorrow, or next week. Just letting what comes come. x

  763. Jo Says:

    Hi Gary, good for you doing things. Even though you might not feel better, you do get a sense of pride and achievement. I lost my Mum last September so I know how it feels. Get your sisters gift cards Gary, it’s a lot easier :)
    I am sure you will do fine on your holiday, try not too think too deeply about it beforehand. Your dogs will love it, focus on them and what a good time they will have. I had the most awful time the morning I went to London. I was shaking like a jelly and throwing up for England but once there I was ok. I still felt bad and detached but it didn’t seem to matter. I figured if I was going to feel bad I may as well feel bad in a different environment.
    I’m glad you like my posts Gary, thanks for that. I find it helps me to think I might be helping someone else to feel better. x

  764. kelly Says:

    Jo,

    It does seem you are having more good days than bad now and I think that’s because your starting to not care whether it is there or not. Well done, and congrats for being on the right road :-)

  765. Ciara30 Says:

    Hi guys, hope everyone is doing well! I m struggling with these feelings and thoughts of choking I m trying not to pay any attention to them and just let them be there, but when I feel as it I m going to choke at Amy given moment it s very hard. How do I get over this massive fear? When I had my breakdown on January I don’t remember having any of these thoughts so why do I have them now ? I m so bewildered by it all. Any advice would be great

  766. Scott Says:

    First time post for me but a regular reader. So much helpful advice on here. My anxiety experience has been up and down for awhile. It started with panic and was able to overcome the panic trap by doing like so many said “a bring it on attitude” and acceptance that it would go. I also think panic for me was focused on physical feelings and once i realized no harm could be done by them, it sort of melted which seems to be similar to many others here. After panic, my anxiety sort of morphed into a fear of “this is a mental problem”..sleep became choppy and even though i was sleeping most nights i was “worried” about my next night’s sleep and this “worry” seemed way out of proportion and got me to where i am now….constantly on guard to see what i am thinking, “up in my head” (vigilant for thoughts and my anxiety level) and hard time from being in the present moment. As a husband and dad that “loss of present moment/ caused by worrying, problem aolving about my condition” is the hardest. My family is everything to me and i get down when i think i am letting them down due to my anxiety struggle. As recently as 2 mnths ago i wa 90 percent good and last yr had a great stretch too and i find myself remembering those good days. I am probably clinging to myself and accepting with clenched teeth. For some reason i see panic struggles clearly (probably because i lost my fear!) but i view my “uncontrollable worry” as my brain betraying me or sonething silly. Maybe none of this babble makes sense. Hearing people doing well is awesome. Thank you for sharing. Scott

  767. Vamanan Says:

    Hi Scott,

    You sound like a very caring person towards your family and that is why you feel that guilt of letting them down. This guilt is not true at all because despite your own struggle and pain you are more concerned about them and that is something special. I think we who struggled with anxiety are sensitive people and that may make us worry more for things others may not even bother.

    About your uncontrollable worry I can relate to it. I also struggle from generalized anxiety where one worry goes away other comes in and then I get stuck with it. The mistake I used to make is to constantly tell myself something to convince myself that the worry is not valid. I feel OK temporarily but then the worry comes again and I finally lose and end up ruminating. I slowly realized this is the pattern I have to break. It seems like brain wants to make sure I am comfortable with the thought/feeling. So now when I have these worry, I just be aware that the worry is there and not worry about the worry or judge if it is valid or invalid. If I do this and continue with what I am doing (E.g.: Work/Socializing/Study/Internet/Walking/Do nothing), the worry will go on its own and within short time I can feel that the worry had no power at all any more. Based on how long I was stuck with a worry, it takes different time before it disappears. I also stopped waiting till it disappear but instead just notice thoughts come and go. If I look at what appeared to me as a “worry” last week or even few days ago, I get surprised how much anxiety can trick us into. You have to understand it is all tricks that our brain is designed to give us all the unreal possibilities/thoughts/worries and its our choice to believe it or not. When we have high level of anxiety, we tend to believe them easily. When we have little bit of clear mind, we can see its just a worry and not bother about it.

  768. Gary Says:

    well done Jo you managed to go to London, i know it was a struggle feeling unwell beforehand but you did it!! im proud of you, i think you help people greatly, you sound a lovely caring woman and i think it helps we have loving people in our lives even when we do feel awful!! well lloyd is home from work so its chill out time this afternoon lots of t.v to catch up on and then back to work for 2 nites starting tomorrow then holiday for 2 weeks!! take care gary x

  769. Jo Says:

    Thank you Gary. You are right about having someone caring and helping you along, even if they feel they aren’t. Just having them there is a big comfort. My husband often says he feels helpless because there is nothing he can do to help, but he doesn’t realise that by just being with me and trying to understand, he is helping a great deal. I hope you get that with your partner.have a nice afternoon. Talk again soon. x

  770. George Says:

    Hi all can anyone shed some light on this for me and tell me in your opinion if this sounds like DP or not because I’v tried to explain it to a few people and they don’t seem to recognise it, even my cbt therapist said that it didn’t sound that common, so that just made me feel worse! The feeeling I have is more of an awareness it’s like I’m totally aware of my every thought and every action all of the time like I just can’t think a normal thought instead it’s like I;m aware of everything that I’m doing and thinking and then this makes me feel really anxious like I’m trapped and I feel like everone else is so lucky to be just living their lives as normal and I’m just stuck in this horrible place in my own mind, now having said that it has eased a bit and tends to ease a bit more at night time but for a while there it was constantly there 24/7 and it’s really frightening! So if I can be assured that this is DP and I’m not experiencing something that nobody else has ever had I know it will finally put me on the right road to recover by doing what Paul suggests in his book? Please reply if anyone can help thanks in advance!!

  771. Debbie Says:

    Jo love your theory on the old self I think you have it dead right!

    Hi all just to let u know I have had a really good day, we went to my daughters party and I really enjoyed it chatted away naturally not forcing it, had a laugh to.
    This morning when I woke up I thought right come on this is the first day of my new start, I could’ve been my usual self if I’d let it but I thought no life can be so much better if I make an effort so I did and it’s been great, even better because I actually changed it myself which before I thought I was too bad that it wasn’t possible to change it myself but I now know I can because I have the proof!
    I realised I had kind of accepted how my life was going to be with anxiety but to the point of not having a life, blaming anxiety for not being able to do so many things, but I can have a life accepting I have anxiety at the moment, but it doesn’t come to you, you have to go and get it x

  772. kelly Says:

    Does anyone else feel like everything is mundane and boring in life when suffering this?

  773. Mark R Says:

    Hi all,

    Still down in Bournemouth. Been the beach today and hung around with mates. When I’m out of my comfort zone the DP shoots through the roof and its almost unbearable. I still stay in the same place though as I think its important to. In terms of enjoying it, forget it as I’m just full of horrible chemicals, detached etc.

    I read somewhere why DP feels so odd. Apparently your pupils dilate to take in more information when you are anxious. This is why it is difficult to cope with and everything looks odd. Its like there is too much to look at. Its like being pushed too close to the tv so to speak.

  774. Jo Says:

    Debbie I am so pleased for you, you sound so confident now. Well done. Grab anxiety by the scruff of the neck and give it a good shake :) x

    Mark R – My doctor told me that your pupils become large when afraid,(just look at a frightened animal) and so things become difficult to focus on. Not sure that is what causes DP though.

  775. Charlotte Says:

    I agree with you Debbie, you do have to push yourself and go out and do these things. I have just come back from another party this weekend! To think only 8 weeks ago I was a trembling wreck who couldn’t leave the house or be left alone, to driving well out of town and socialising at a party for 3 hours.
    I want you all to know that I have put in alot of hard work to get to this stage, and it didn’t ‘just happen’. Slowly building up my confidence by doing bits each day and pushing myself to go to things when I didn’t feel like it.
    Sure next week could be a bad week, but if it is, then iv had alota good days so it’s progress.

  776. DCYL Says:

    Kelly – I wonder about you asked about too. But I believe it is anxiety magnifying our feelings. I don’t feel like everything is boring. But sometimes feel everyone is having more fun. Best I can do is stay busy and keep doing my stuff and let the feelings go

    Vamanan – I’ve talked about this before. I worry quite a bit and of course it hits harder when we’re anxious. I liked your idea and will work on it. I think worry is a habit that can be changed. Just takes time….

  777. Mark R Says:

    Jo,

    DP is different for everyone I guess. For me its like everything is grey, flat, 2D. Logically if I think about it normally when our pupils are focused we only take in a certain amount of info. When they are enlarged they need to take more in so everything is going to look strange.

    Just one question really, I know this is wrong but I kind of feel that me getting better is a total waste of time. It took a hell of a lot of hard work to get myself to the point where I didnt care, this didnt last long and I ended up feeling really anxious and horrible again 6 weeks ago. I feel like its pointless to keep getting better. Some people on here say when you recover you dont suffer again but I am living proof that is completely untrue.

  778. Jo Says:

    Charlotte, well done to you too, especially for driving. Just shows what can be done, with a bit of determination. x

  779. Charlotte Says:

    Thanks Jo :) it’s quite unbelievable really, and on my own. I really hope soon I can start feeling happier about my life and the future but I guess that part takes a bit of time. Hope you have had a gd weekend x

  780. Charlotte Says:

    Mark R, re-read Paul’s writing on setbacks x

  781. Jo Says:

    Mark R, DP for me feels like everything is unreal, like I’m not living in the real world, very difficult to explain.
    No it isn’t a waste of time or pointless. What’s the alternative ? You can at least enjoy what good times you get. I think you probably never get rid of anxiety totally, and I know others will disagree with that. If you are a sensitive person then many things will likely set you off, but it is learning to deal with it that is important.And in between, there is a life to be lived.
    If you had a broken leg, you wouldn’t say there is no point in mending it because it might break again.

  782. Mark R Says:

    Charlotte, I’m not so sure it is a setback? Setbacks for me dont usually last 6 weeks, most of the time a few days at the most.

    Jo, when you feel like this there aren’t any good times are there? And trying to get better for X amount of months and feeling relief for the same time thats half my life in getting better.

  783. Scott Says:

    Vamanan-

    Thanks for the reply. Much appreciated. I know right now i am probably testing my “thoughts”, on guard and that keepste anxiety center stage. I attribute the “over-worrying” to a glitch or a defect when i cannot switch the channel. I have had this symptom before and got to about 90 percent better for mnths at a time but the fear of “it” returning was likely always in back of my mind. I think now i feel it is so engrained how can it possibly go? But my experience says it did a few times to the point where you had months of being “normal”…i am anxious now so that is clouding my rationale in all likelihood. And yes, the pressure to get better so i can enjoy my kids while they are young is probably adding stress and pressure. Thinking of them and how i am when anxious makes me emotional because i live for those ti
    Es where my anxiety is normal or as i sometimes say there is a difference between “anxiety” (me getting frustrated because of run of the mill stuff like finances) and “anxiety disorder” (over worrying about worrying and silly stuff that most dont give a second thought too)…thanks scott

  784. Sophia Says:

    Hi Mark

    I totally agree with Jo as in I personally feel, I may not be able to live totally anxiety free as I have lived 3/4 of my life this way ..I don’t know how to live life normally…
    But that doesn’t mean we have to live the rest of our life in self pity and self sabotage…I used to do that and still do it at times..
    I keep doing things I should be doing..keep moving..but mentally I get tired..! m doing lots infact but m not happy at the end..then what’s the point?I too felt the same way..

    Then u reach a point where peace of mind is more important .u let go of unwanted tensions which will compromise on ur peace of mind.u regain a state of mind where u r at peace with urself and then interact with the world outside…
    Total attitude shift..let the outside world not alter our state of mind..hav the courage to stay firm for what you believe in..!

  785. Mark R Says:

    But thats my point Sophia. Its been almost 2 and half years since I was myself and I’m starting to doubt whether I will ever be myself again.

    Do you mean you’ve suffered for 3/4 of your life? Have you had periods in between where youve been recovered?

  786. kelly Says:

    Jo,

    I agree but also another point, we will never ever be anxiety free because it serves a purpose to protect us from danger. Therefore it is always going to be with us. We can however get to the point where we have just that ‘normal’ protective anxiety to aid us in dangerous situations.

    X

  787. Sophia Says:

    Great post vamanan..

    about how you tackle the ‘worry’ thoughts..!and how our mind traps us in believing any random thought to be a real one ..!

  788. kelly Says:

    Dcyl,

    I just look at everything like it is pointless, mundane and boring now and nothing seems in the slightest bit fun or enjoyable.

    Question for everyone, with the dp does anyone feel like this? If I see a picture of me, ok I don’t recognise its me for one but does anyone kinda feel like that person in the picture has died? I get that and it freaks me out.

  789. marcb Says:

    Hi all, Had a great weekend, my girlfriend took me to a segway rally (those 2 wheeled, balancing things!) As a surprise for my birthday, had a great time apart from my girlfriend coming of hers and fracturing her shoulder!! I’m working tomorrow, which.I.now look forward too. I often have a little look on here just to see what’s going on really as this used to.be a huge part of my life (not any more). What I’ve noticed is most of the time its the same people on here, that alone tells me these people r struggling. Now this is nothing more than a suggestion….. I repeat, just a suggestion, but how about, for one day at first, why not try keeping away from this site? Nothing will happen to u, u will.not find anything else on here u do not already know. Just give it a go, I did, it helped me massively. sincerely Marcb

  790. Debbie Says:

    Well done Charlotte it feels good doesn’t it to have a little normality, it’s remembering those times on not so good days!
    Also it’s balancing things out yeah push yourself but also having relaxing times, we are going to another garden party tomorrow, so Tuesday I will potter round the house and garden and chill out.
    The high light of today was mucking around with my husband over the park when we took our yorkie, to laugh really laugh, later he said how great it was to hear me laugh really laugh again!
    I’ve got to tell you all though…. When I got up this morning I straight away scanned myself to see how I felt, then I thought umm perhaps I don’t feel so good, perhaps my decision to make an effort today wasn’t such a good idea, perhaps I can’t do it, everybody expects me to be quiet and the poorly nervous one, then I thought do I have a day of that or do I want a happy day? At that minute I chose to have a good day and I did, so in that moment I made the choice on how my day was going to be like…makes you think doesn’t it? x

  791. Will Says:

    I had another one of those “anxiety dreams” last night (as I call them).
    I’ve mentioned them before; they happen rarely (I’ve had less than 10 in my whole life), and for the most part they seem to happen when I go to sleep under stress, but sometimes, like last night, they’re just random, although not as severe.

    I wake up suddenly in the middle of the night, accompanied by a bizarre, incomprehensible thought which seems to fill my mind completely, and I start to shiver from the anxiety. I feel confused, as if overwhelmed by this strange thought which probably comes from a dream I don’t remember or something. After about 5 to 10 minutes I’m able to relax and my shivers, as well as the thought, go away. It’s like temporary madness.

    Does anyone else experience these? Or can anyone tell me what they are?

  792. Charlotte Says:

    It has been said (based on studies) that some people are born with a vulnerability to develop anxiety. It doesn’t mean all will get it, but like Jo says, it means we are that little bit more sensitive, and are just more ‘prone’ to getting it.
    When life gets a bit too much, like with me and the stressful job I had, and a break up of someone I loved dearly, there’s a good chance it’l come back. So it’s important to recognise the early signs and learn how to cope and not let it get out of control.

    ‘When these events do occur, some people may come to believe that life is dangerous and unpredictable, and that worrying about possible future negative events is a way of coping with the uncertainty of life. They may think that worrying helps them achieve’ this is the cycle we get in, which is why it’s so hard to break.

    What I have learnt is to choose a job where I am not getting moaned at all day over the phone in customer services (I did this for a year) and not to get attached to guys who are selfish and non respectful of others!

  793. Charlotte Says:

    Will, I have had and still ocassionaly have exactly what you have just described. As it doesn’t last long it doesn’t bother me too much, but we have them due to the anxiety we are experiencing in the day. I didn’t have them before so I know they’ll clear up when I’m better.
    I get the sense of needing comfort in that time, so call me sad, (im single otherwise I would hug my partner) but I grab my stuffed dog to have a cuddle and go back to sleep!

  794. marcb Says:

    Mark R…. You said on June 2nd 11.28 pm…..”Over the last ten years I have tried to fight and beat this thing”…. It’s a wasted effort mate cos u CANNOT fight it, submit, tell it, “well done, you won”. You MUST give up the fight. Take it easy…Marcb

  795. Will Says:

    Charlotte –
    Thanks for replying. After three years of not knowing what’s going on, I suddenly feel much better in knowing that I’m not alone. These weird dream-like thoughts really are scary at the time because no matter how twisted and strange the thought is, I almost seem to BELIEVE it. It feels like it’s overwhelming my mind and I’m struggling not to succumb to it. It’s as if I’m still half-stuck in a dream. And then once it finally goes away, I think back to how stupid I was to even think it.
    Lol I usually listen to my iPod to distract me and calm me down.

  796. Mark R Says:

    Marc,

    I didnt mean fight as in fight but just suffered.

  797. kelly Says:

    Mark R,

    Look back to how good you were feeling a couple of weeks ago, it was then that you probably didn’t care about it and let it be without letting it rule you. You can do that again.

    It seems you are still waiting for it to go after you have had a few good days and it won’t. By checking if its still there, is infact keeping it there.

  798. kelly Says:

    Any advice on dealing with intrusive thoughts guys?

  799. Kate Says:

    Hi, been following Paul’s advice for 4 to 5 months and felt that my anxiety was much lower. The real breakthrough came when i went on a short holiday and took my mind off the topic. I also started to learn painting, calligraphy and Tai Chi to occupy my day. I highly recommed yoga. I did it every morning before breakfast and my mornings became much better, as you all know, mornings
    are the worst.

    I believe exercise and taking your mind off the topic really helps. For exercise, take it slowly at first, I also fear heightened nerves when I first did it, but then i slowly increased it to 45 mins a day and my body responds by giving me much more energy.

  800. Josh Says:

    D’all

    I somehow have a habit of making things simple and here is my analysis.
    Anxiety= Tired mind= worrying thoughts= more anxiety. If you are still suffering from anxiety after whatever number of years, your mind is still tired and you need to cut it there. We just need to refresh it. 2 things to take care, a) Keep your self away from the topic and do something else 2) Face your fears

    For those who think, when shall i get the accpetance which Paul is talking about, well it takes time. For me its about 2 years now that after reading on this site, i am getting to realise what he means.

  801. George Says:

    I asked this earlier but got no reply so I ‘ll try again,
    Hi all, can anyone shed some light on this for me and tell me in your opinion if this sounds like DP or not because I’v tried to explain it to a few people and they don’t seem to recognise it, even my cbt therapist said that it didn’t sound that common, so that just made me feel worse! The feeeling I have is more of an awareness it’s like I’m totally aware of my every thought and every action all of the time like I just can’t think a normal thought instead it’s like I’m aware of everything that I’m doing and thinking and then this makes me feel really anxious like I’m trapped and I feel like everone else is so lucky to be just living their lives as normal and I’m just stuck in this horrible place in my own mind, now having said that it has eased a bit and tends to ease a bit more at night time but for a while there it was constantly there 24/7 and it’s really frightening! So if I can be assured that this is DP and I’m not experiencing something that nobody else has ever had I know it will finally put me on the right road to recover by doing what Paul suggests in his book? Please reply if anyone can help thanks in advance!!

  802. Josh Says:

    George

    Every symptom or thought that the anxiety sufferer feels are in some ways unique. If its a thought, it’s anxiety. Does not sound like a DP to me..its normal anxiety about hyperawareness. I have been through it.

    Regards

  803. Debbie Says:

    Hi George I would think its an off shoot of anxiety, where the constant thoughts are worrying you you are feeding them, the more you worry the more power your giving them, it’s very hard I know I had the same four years ago and it freaked me out, but I learnt that I did the same as you so made it worse, they won’t go all the time your feeding them up they are loving it! It’s very hard to do but let them be there say morning thoughts then busy yourself with things you have to really concentrate on doing, gradually they will get weaker if you can have just a few moments when you think oh I wasn’t aware of my usual thoughts it’s progress, hopefully your get more moments of freedom, it’s not easy at all but if you keep at it it will work.
    Another thing I found was to meditate as you breathe in say in your head breathe in, as you breathe out say breathe out one, then repeat but say two at the end carry on to ten, by counting it keeps your mind on what your doing.
    Remember the more fear you feed that little devil the more it will thrive!
    Hope this helps!

  804. Jo Says:

    Will, I think you are suffering from false messages.
    On my one good meeting with the psychological wellbeing practitioner, she explained it to me like this.
    When we are asleep our body undergoes minor changes ie, a drop in temperature, breathing, heart rate etc. Normally nothing happens and we sleep on, but in anxiety mode the brain interprets these changes as a danger sign and wakes us up, with the old enemy adrenaline racing through us( and we all know what adrenaline does). Hence the fear, trembling, shaking, whatever you get. After a little while the adrenaline calms down and you relax. Don’t worry, it’s not madness. Iv’e had it loads and while it is really horrible and scary, it’s not going to do you any harm.

  805. Jo Says:

    George, it is an off shoot of anxiety when you brain chemicals are not co- operating with your brain cells :) You become hyper aware of your self and in my case I left the real world for a while. It feels awful and frightening but I have been through it big time, and it hasn’t harmed me. It will settle down in time. Try not to stress about it, as that will just make it worse. Hard to do I know.

  806. Debbie Says:

    Jo, how’s you? I had a really good day yterday with my ‘go girl’ view, today I’m wavering slightly, got the jelly legs which starts off that thinking oh here we go and what’s the point in trying! Soooooo frustrating, anyway we are going to a garden party this afternoon I have what we call a ‘posh’ friend, it’s because she lives in a huge house that’s all so it’s a little intimidating, luckily my daughter and grand daughter are going so at two years old she takes your mind off other things! It’s so hard not to think of giving up when you’ve had a good day, but I suppose I’m doing what it wants me to do isn’t it? Yesterday I wasn’t letting the feelings get to me, oh dear feel fed up x

  807. Mark R Says:

    If you haven’t recovered from your bout of anxiety (like when it started 2 ish years ago) and you’ve been suffering again for a month again is that a setback or an episode?

  808. Jo Says:

    Hi Debbie, I know what you mean, it’s like taking one step forward and three steps back. But at least you are going forward now. I am so pleased you had a good day because you have been in a dark place haven’t you? Now you are coming into the light…with a little bit of shade :)
    I am feeling a bit wobbly too this morning but then that’s nothing new for me in the morning. I just wish I could feel like I do in the evening, all day.Also worrying about my dog, she has been being sick since last night, not food, just bile (sorry).And of course it’s Bank holiday so no vet until Wednesday probably, unless an emergency.
    There is nothing to be intimidated about with a big house Debbie, it’s just bricks and mortar like any other. Go and enjoy, and focus on your grand daughter. x

  809. Jo Says:

    Mark R, why try to put labels on it? It doesn’t matter whether it’s an episode or a setback. All that counts is that you do what you need to, to get out of it. I think you are focusing too much on whether you are in setback or not, and that is keeping the cycle going.

  810. Will Says:

    Jo –
    Ah that seems to make sense. And as i said, perhaps the bizarre incomprehensible thought is from an unconscious dream I have at the time (seeing as we always dream, but often we don’t remember). Thank you!

  811. Jo Says:

    Hi Will, yes it could be from a dream or just the fact that you weren’t properly awake, you know your brain’s not quite in the real world. That happens.
    Our minds play some very weird tricks on us. When I was in breakdown I used to have what is called hypnogogic hallucinations, which were because my brain wasn’t properly awake.. I would ‘wake’ up in the night and see things which weren’t really there, but were totally real to me.Luckily they were never scary things. One night I saw a little black dog on the bed and reached out to stroke it but of course couldn’t make contact. Another time it was a soldier all in combat gear with rifle etc…but he was only about 2feet tall. Very bizarre. :)

  812. kelly Says:

    Anybody got any advice on intrusive thoughts?

  813. Mark R Says:

    Sitting here at my friends wedding seeing everyone Wales enjoying themselves feeling spaced put, dp’d, awful. Supposed to bd a great day but I’m
    bringing everyone down. My life is nothing but a total waste of space, s burden to myself, family and friends. Recovery is short lived and a total waste of time. Everything and everyone can **** off. Ive had it

  814. kelly Says:

    Mark,

    Try and calm down. Getting worked up over it is probably not helping. We are all in the same boat. You can’t give up now, you have come so far

    X

  815. kelly Says:

    Mark,

    None of us wanna feel like this but we do. We just have to accept this is how we are for now. We can hate it and get frustrated over it as much as we like but it won’t make it go away.

    Just keep strong

  816. Will Says:

    Jo –
    Wow, they sound scary! I’m personally scared of things that mess with the mind (psychological horror games and films make me panicky, etc.) and hallucinations in particular. I’d have been terrified!

  817. marcb Says:

    Mark if you’ve read Pauls book you’ll know u have to go thru the shit to get better, so stop questioning why u feel like crap, u do, so what, fuck it, it ain’t like this forever. Can u do me a favour, kind of an experiment. Stay away from this site, even if its for one day. You coming on here looking for a magic answer, sentence, saying whatever, it doesn’t exist, therefore u dont have to keep coming on here. Pretend u don’t have anxiety, u wouldn’t come on.here if u was anxiety free. Marcb

  818. Vamanan Says:

    “The Soul Always Knows What To Do To Heal Itself. The Challenge Is To Silence (i.e. not fight with) The Mind” – Caroline Myss

  819. Ciara30 Says:

    Mark r, please watch the BBC series the big silence there s a link for it on one of the pages here, you are pitying yourself, who cares what ur friends relatives etc think,’ what people think of you is none of your business.’ who cares if ur upsetting them ( which your probably not) I bet 99% of the people your with haven’t even noticed, anxiety makes us extremely paranoid, u already know what to do but I ll remind you NOTHING!! It’s time for you to be completely selfish and just look after you and no one else. U will be fine and that’s a promise, just ask Paul and all the other s sufferers in the archive s

  820. Mark R Says:

    I went to my friends weddimg today and for most of it felt awful, no two ways about it. I had a few drinks and then decided to go back to my hotel, I was walking back and crying my eyes out beside the sea and one of the brides maids spotted me and talked to me. Turns out she suffered the same thing as me and was nearly sectioned in her time, She is a well respected barrister. She told me of her depression and anxiety issues and said that DP is her worst ever symptom and her most misunderstood one. She hates her DP but has accepted it is part of her when it comes on and it is one of her ‘charachter traits’.

    To be fair I’ve no idea why I’m telling you this but just thought it may be relevant. We are more common than you think. x

  821. Jo Says:

    Will
    I am the same. psychological stuff scares me too. I am a Star Trek fan but there is one episode of that I can’t watch, in fact it was on the other night and I switched off straight away.
    At the time of my breakdown I was living in constant terror anyway, so the hallucinations were just one more thing to deal with. To be honest I don’t know how I got through it, but I did, with the love and support of my husband and son, my doctor and antidepressants. Compared to that time, this episode is mild and I can say to myself, I got through the other hell, I can get through this.

  822. Josh Says:

    Mark..this one is especially for you… have been through the same stuff..attending wedding, functions , parties and looking at everyone enjoying while we are into a self pity mode of why am i not able to enjoy?

    This went on for nearly 2-3 years..today as i sit in my office ( place where dreaded the most ) with ease and writing this ..all i can say …everyone will have good days…just have pateince ..it will go away..for sure…

  823. Jo Says:

    Intrusive thoughts Kelly. Well all I can say is that like all anxiety symptoms just leave them be. Some weeks ago I was having distressing thoughts that Mum was frightened and lonely in death and was calling for me to be with her. They scared me because I thought it would result in me taking my own life so I kept trying to push them away, or think of other things, but they just wouldn’t be quiet. In the end I thought ‘oh come on then’ and let the thoughts go on. They just rolled along to the only logical and sensible conclusion – that my Mum would never, ever want that to happen. not in a million years. I haven’t had them since.
    I’m not saying it’s easy but I think if you let the thoughts be there but don’t give them any importance, they will eventually go away.

  824. Doreen Says:

    I don’t post as often as some of you but do read all the contributions as on the whole I am getting on with daily life albeit with anxiety grumbling away in the back ground lots of the time and in the foreground some of the time. My main ‘problem’ is my tendency to look for anxiety the following day after I have had a particularly good day. And of course it obliges by being there. So down the hill I slide for a time until the distractions around me make me forget whatever it is I have latched onto as today’s worry.
    I feel for those of you who are more overwhelmed than I am and really respect how thoughtful and supportive you are able to be when your own particular clouds lift enough.

  825. Jo Says:

    Doreen I feel that coming on here to offer support gives me a purpose, and that helps me too. I don’t really have specific worries, I just have this anxious knot in my middle most of the time, plus the feeling of fear. The only time I feel really relaxed is in the evenings (not all mind you). Like you I am trying to just get on with things, and it does seem to be getting easier bit by bit.My problem is I tend to keep looking forward and worrying about how it will be if this never goes away. MUST NOT DO IT :)

  826. Jo Says:

    Mark R, when you say you feel awful, what exactly is it you are feeling? Do you feel sick? are you afraid? or just unhappy? maybe if you confront the feelings you will be able to cope better. Sorry I can’t be of more help.

  827. Ciara30 Says:

    Hi guys, I seem to be stuck on these obsessive thoughts particularily one that I ll choke I can handle the feeling s of panic the heart racing shaking hands etc, but I just can t get this thought out of my head. It’s been going on for about a month now. I m doing my best not to react to it, but I fond that I won t eat if I m alone or even drink! I just wish these thoughts would focus on cigarettes cause then I d be afraid of them and wouldn’t smoke anymore :)

  828. kelly Says:

    Jo,

    Thanks for the advice on the intrusive thoughts. Mine seem to be constant and did you ever find if you happened to not think about it for a bit then you would think ‘oh I haven’t had that thought for a bit’ and then it would come back tenfold? I did have a glance through Paul’s section on scary and irrational thoughts in his book last night.

    I can let them be there but they panic me, I need for this fear reaction to be placed with a don’t care reaction. Obviously that is the hardest part.

  829. Jo Says:

    Ciara – that would be giving you something you want wouldn’t it, and not something you fear. Which goes to show these thoughts are fear again raising it’s annoying head. I’m afraid I don’t know what to tell you to stop them though, sorry. x

  830. Jo Says:

    Kelly, maybe you should explore the feelings and find out what it is about them that panics you, bring them out and face them. x

  831. Will Says:

    Hi, it’s me yet again. Something happened to me yesterday that was a huge kick to my anxiety, sparking it all up again. I hope I’m not a bother what with having a different problem every time, but whenever something happens I always feel getting it off my chest on here helps.

    There was a certain article on the news recently, and I wanted nothing to do with it. I barely watch or read the news in case I accidentally stumble upon something disturbing, as I’m easily disturbed. This is one such article.

    Last night, I was minding my own business on Facebook, when somebody, having read the same article I was trying to avoid, puts the link up on the news feed, along with a thumbnail displaying a very graphic and disturbing picture. This stuff happens all the time (people reading news articles on Facebook), but this happened to be the one story I was avoiding.
    I only saw the image for a split second but I had a sudden rush of shock/panic and felt deeply disturbed by it. I was afraid I was going to faint and I was shaking for the rest of the evening. It was the sort of image normal people would go “ugh” at, but somehow these things just affect me much more.

    Right now the image is very vague in my head, but it still causes me to go all shaky if I so much as remember it. Maybe it’s because this particular article is real, but I’ve seen shocking real-life stuff before and I’ve never had this kind of reaction. Maybe it’s just a recent thing… my anxiety’s up and down all the time, and this happened to occur on an “up” moment.
    I honestly feel scarred by this whole thing. But I suppose I’ll get over it in time; once years ago there was something disturbing which took me over a month to get over. Now whenever I recall it, it doesn’t invoke any sort of anxiety and I can easily dismiss it. But this recent event still feels fresh in my mind.

    Does anybody else get easily disturbed and feels like this as a result? :\

  832. kelly Says:

    jo,

    You are right. I know what it is with me its the fear of the unknown. I also feel like i will look back at my life in a few years time wondering if i wished i had done things differently. I know that sounds bizarre.

    At the moment im kinda at a point where im thinking ‘is this it?’. I don’t have regret for having a baby, i tried so long to conceive but maybe now the reality of it all is setting in, if that makes sense?

    And then i kinda think is matt really the person ill spend the rest of my life with? And i look at that aspect with fear whereas before it didn’t bother me.

    I guess its cause everything seems so final now. He proposed on Christmas day and i should be the happiest person on earth right now but yet i am not. For much of the time I’ve been dating there has only been very short periods where I’ve been single. I’ve always had long lasting relationships. I got proposed to when i was 18 and was with a great guy who would have given me the world and done anything for me but i ended it because i wasn’t ready to settle down.

    Sorry jo, gone a bit off track there…

    X

  833. kelly Says:

    And also I’ve always been what my dad describes as a ‘free spirit’ kind of person. I guess now i feel i am being held back and feel a bit trapped, as horrible as that sounds.

  834. Debbie Says:

    I want to get people’s opinion of this… I’m on anti depressants quite a high dosage have been for nearly five years, I often have blurred vision and a zombie head which I’ve always blamed the tablets but I’ve noticed lately on good days I don’t have them so the question is are they due to the tablets or anxiety I wonder? x

  835. Doreen Says:

    Will – it is your anxiety finding something to latch onto, more than the impact of the image itself. If it was not that image it might well be something else. So just tell yourself it will go with time as you found with the previous time this happened. You are very sensitive at the moment and so an over reaction has happened, that is all.

  836. Will Says:

    Doreen –
    Thanks for replying. You’re right, as I said something similar happened years ago and I can now think back to that previously disturbing thought, not get anxious from it and can easily dismiss it. This will be the same in time.
    It WAS a very shocking image though, and I think what scares me the most about it is that it’s real, as it came from a recent news story.

  837. Will Says:

    …and how accidentally coming across it whilst off-guard was a complete surprise.

  838. Mark R Says:

    Hi all,

    Just got back from Bournemouth and in truth I had a torrid time. I feel really low at the minute, probably because of the hangover. I’ve just got these horrid thoughts telling me to end it and I’m struggling to cope with them.

  839. Jo Says:

    Kelly – I did think that those fears were part of your problem. You can’t spend your life wondering if you turned right when you should have turned left! All you can do is what feels right at the time.Life changes you in some ways but not others. I know that sounds weird. In one way I am still the person I was before I got married, and yet I’m not! I’m older and I hope wiser, and yet I can still be daft and have fun (when not in anxiety). At some point everyone thinks ‘Is this it?’ ‘Is this what life is all about?’ Sometimes it feels disappointing and some times it feels good.
    It is quite normal for you to feel anxious and even a little trapped by having a child. It’s a big responsibility, but relax and let it happen. Everything falls into place, everything has a way of working out ok. Hope that makes sense. x

  840. Jo Says:

    Debbie – I am not on medication and I still get the zombie head and blurred vision, so I don’t think it is the meds, it’s just part of the condition. When you feel frightened your pupils get bigger and you can’t focus. x

  841. Jo Says:

    Will – I get that too. I don’t like to watch anything brutal now. At one time I could watch anything, and went to the cinema with my son and watched all the Saw movies. I couldn’t watch them now. We watched a gruesome film some weeks ago and it really made me curl up inside, and I had a bad night nerve wise. And yet I had seen that film before and it didn’t bother me at all. I used to love disaster movies but now they seem to close to home, if you see what I mean. I think more now about how it would really be to be involved in something like that.Our nerves are hyper sensitive at the moment.

  842. Jo Says:

    Mark R- stay off the alcohol, it really won’t help you. And cut out sugar and caffeine too.

  843. mm16 Says:

    hi jo , yes me too with the films and anything brutal , i use to love watching them . Very heavy head today , and the old knott in stomach , but pottering about slowly xx

  844. Will Says:

    Jo –
    Seeing any sort of torture or suffering in films makes me absurdly uncomfortable, the Saw films in particular aren’t my cup of tea. I’m the same though: I imagine how I would feel if it was me. But the worst part about things that disturb me easily is that I can’t stop thinking about them, at least not for a good long while. But as I said, in time I’m fine and I can think back to them with no anxiety or respect.

  845. mm16 Says:

    mark R , think you need a good rest after the wedding , i do notice if i get tired , everything is ten times worse including the thoughts . x

  846. kelly Says:

    Jo,

    Thanks again for your reply. I’m a bit like a rabbit in the headlights at the moment, scared and not knowing which way to turn. Theo is such an amazing kid, so happy and joyful and yet at the moment I can’t appreciate him. Feels horrible to say that too :(

    Its like when you have a kid and see them growing up from a baby to a toddler you suddenly realise you are getting older too and then start questioning everything else.

    I said to my partner last night are you not worried about being like 10 years older in 10 years time so you’ll be like 49 and Theo will be 11? He’s like no who cares then im like well me, the thought of it literally scares me.

  847. mm16 Says:

    hi kelly , you do seem to be improving :-) . jo being giving brilliant advice to you x

  848. kelly Says:

    Jo,

    What I can’t understand is up until November none of this bothered me. I was just like anyone else. Happy, carefree and enjoying life. Being excited for every moment I spent with my son, and looking forward to evening tv with mh other half.

    I just get frustrated with feeling like this you know and sometimes it feels like I am trying to live in the past if that makes sense? X

  849. kelly Says:

    Hi mm16,

    Do you think so? I feel in myself I am getting worse as much as I hate to admit it…

  850. Jo Says:

    Hi mm16, nice to see you. I have the knott most mornings, it stays there till late afternoon. Been out to see some horses this afternoon. I felt a bit strange but it was ok. Going out for a meal later.

  851. kelly Says:

    Mm16,

    Jo does give Brill advice and its quite calming. Hey maybe she will be a new moderator when she’s recovered 😉

  852. mm16 Says:

    hi kelly , sometimes we cannot see any improvment so slght . but yes i definetley can see you are , reading your posts :-) X jo enjoy your meal you are a big help to many of us on here x Watching the queen celebrations last couple of days , i could soon cry with emotion again , like i use too , but since having this i seem to hold on tight too much . Anyway its good i felt teary and emotional because a year ago i woulndt of felt this only numbness . have a nice evening everyone x

  853. kelly Says:

    Hi mm16,

    Sorry I don’t know your name. Maybe its because I am opening up about what’s bothering me more?

    Great that you have seen some even if I haven’t tho :-) gives me hope.

    What you were feeling a year ago I feel now. Numb, no emotions etc x

  854. Vamanan Says:

    Mark R,

    If you genuinely want to recover and feel better you have to make some choices. From what I read of your comments, I think you should give up alcohol at least for the time being. I used to drink frequently and very often it was to avoid social anxiety feelings. When my anxiety got worse, alcohol made it even worse specially the next day or end of the night (It may be different for different people). So i had to give up alcohol completely. It was really hard at the start but slowly I did and now I don’t even like drinking except once in a long while one beer that’s it.

    Also regular exercise (at least 3 times per week) and daily walking will help you a lot. You may feel like doing it at times, but those are the times you really need to do them and it will slowly start to help you naturally. When you do the walking, at some point, if you can sit somewhere and just breath and observe outside things (kids, trees, clouds) you may find some peace (I still do that).

    If you don’t want to make the changes and do the same mistakes over and over you cannot expect to get better. You may feel like crap right now but this experience is going to make you a stronger and better person. Only you can make the change happen and you can do it if you have some faith in yourself and all those people who recovered and can enjoy life after long time of suffering.

  855. mm16 Says:

    vamanan , good post , my brother has anxiety and unfortunatly drinks alcohol to calm him so he says , ive tried to tell him it is doing the complete oppostite . Thank goodness i am tea total . Will try and act on your advice and excersise especialy on the days when i realy dont want to .

  856. Will Says:

    I’m the same. I like an occasional beer from time to time, but I can’t drink when I’m out. It seems to affect me much quicker because of my nerves, and I notice this and become anxious. While my dad’s telling me that beer should calm me down, it’s actually making me feel the opposite. Hence, I can understand why alcohol doesn’t always help.

  857. mm16 Says:

    hi kelly , a lady whos recovered use to write on here a couple of years ago .Her name is scarlet , maybe read some of her old posts they where realy helpfull , just an idea though . The emotions will come back kelly , i never thought they would but they have in time . xxx

  858. kelly Says:

    Hi mm16,

    Do you know where they are? I come on here on my phone so it could take a while to find x

  859. mm16 Says:

    kelly . i think her posts will be early 2010 , her and another lady called candie use to post a lot , , yes 2009 and early 10 . both fully recovered now :-) xx

  860. Vamanan Says:

    mm16,

    When you don’t feel like excercise, at least try going for a 30 minutes walk even if you feel like doing it. At the end of it you will see a difference even if its slight.

  861. Jo Says:

    Hi all. just got back from the meal out.All three of us went,it was enjoyable and I felt quite normal.
    Thank you for your kind remarks about my posts. It feels nice to think I might be helping someone.
    Kelly – you are definately sounding stronger and more positive, and believe me the emotions will come back, just let things be for now, the future will take care of itself.
    mm16 – I got slightly emotional watching All the Queens horses, when they played Mull of Kintyre. I didn’t cry, but it is the first time I have felt that sort of emotion since I was ill the first time.

  862. Charlotte Says:

    Well done for going out for the meal Jo, I know from experience that can really bring on anxiety sometimes as you feel ‘trapped’, so glad it went well.

    Kelly I have noticed a difference in you too over the past week, you are alot calmer, mayb you’re not better, but you sound like you are at least coping alot better.

    I haven’t had a very good few days myself after a good weekend, it seems this does happen after some good days, I wonder why this is? Really low mood, confusion, anxiety. Been on st johns wort for 2 weeks but i’m getting so tempted to go back on meds again..sigh

  863. kelly Says:

    Mm16,

    Thanks for that. I’ll have a look :-)

  864. Mark R Says:

    Hi vamanan,

    Thank you for your reply.

    This is the first time I have drunk since this setback happened. To be honest I was pressganged into this wedding. I have learnt my lesson. I think I just wanted to forget. Today has been nothing short of horrific. I’ve not had a day as bad as this for about 3 weeks. I’m giving up alcohol trust me.

    when you get days like this it makes you so much more grateful for the good days. Even a week ago I was relaxing in the park reading my book, well the best I could. That seems a lifetime away now. Goes to show that when you are in one state it’s so difficult to imagine another.

    I do exercise, I play football every week and I’ve started running. I also did a ten mile walk across the peak district the other Saturday.

    Now I’ve had a shocking day it’s easier to see my progress as I felt a million times better only just over a week ago

  865. Debbie Says:

    Jo glad you had a lovely evening you are doing so well.
    Well all back to normal tomorrow hubby back to work, we have had a good weekend, managed a few challenges and came through it fine, so all in all a positive few days.
    I desperately want to get out walking for exercise more but I just find it so hard to get motivated when everything’s blurry and you feel spaced out which makes you feel dizzy it’s hard to make yourself do it, but I keep reading how exercise helps so much, can anyone suggest anything that would give me a much needed kick up the bum…please! x

  866. Doreen Says:

    Late at night response Debbie. Just take a deep breath which may well help with the dizziness and go out walking which I know you do anyway. You may as well be dizzy and walking as dizzy at home.

  867. Mark R Says:

    Debbie,

    Any form of exercise, walking, jogging, sex (not that I can remember what that is!) etc will help to get rid of those trapped stress chemicals you have. It is hard but try and do it for at least 20 mins, then build up.

  868. kelly Says:

    Jo,

    Great to hear you had a nice evening.

    I went out this evening, not out as in drinking or anything but just visiting. On the journey home I got to thinking about how much matt must love me. It was a sudden realisation that he must care a lot about me to be sticking by me through this and doing everything he is doing I.e waking up with Theo and giving me a bit longer in bed etc. I really haven’t been appreciating him and I spent most of the journey home thinking about him and missing him so I got home and gave him a hug. I guess it was my way of saying thankyou because even though he doesn’t know how to support me through this and neither do I, I have realised just being here for me and staying with me even though im not the person he met right now is enough.

    I never even thought about how hard this must be for him too. Whenever I need space on my own he is happy to look after Theo for me to go out. I just don’t know how to show my appreciation but a hug was the first thing I could think of x

  869. Jo Says:

    Morning all. Debbie it is good that you have realised how hard it is for Matt too.You see how you are improving? My husband says he felt so alone and totally helpless when I had my breakdown. He didn’t know what to do and there was no one to turn to for advice back then. Of course I was so ill at that time, it never even occured to me, but now I don’t know how he coped with it all. A hug is as good as anything, and tell him how much you appreciate him too, he probably needs to hear that.
    Doreen is right about the walking too. I have sometimes felt really awful when out with Meg, but it passes if you calm your breathing. Don’t push yourself too far to start with and you will find it will get easier. Weeks ago I wouldn’t even go out for the afternoon walk, but now I look forward to it, even if I don’t feel good. Because I have found that I CAN DO IT!
    You are doing well. x

  870. Jo Says:

    Sorry, that should have been Kelly of course. Brain muddle this morning. :)

  871. Jo Says:

    And Debbie for the walking bit. I’m having a right laugh at myself now.

  872. Doreen Says:

    There is a report on todays news that clinical trials indicate that exercise doesn’t help with depression. The article says that it doesn’t make it worse and that exercise is good anyway. However, I think that all the people who say that exercise lifts their spirits cannot be discounted. It may not enhance seratonin levels but surely the distraction, the deep breathing and the general sense of well being when tired through exercise cannot be anything but good for depression and certainly good for anxiety.

  873. kelly Says:

    Jo,

    I was feeling a bit more positive last night, this morning however I feel terrible. Just had matt woke me up at straight away question me about where I went last night(trust issues).

    So yeah now that’s set me up in a pretty horrible mood for the day.

  874. Jo Says:

    Hi Doreen, yes we saw that too. Isn’t is strange how these medical people keep changing their minds about what is good for us. If exercise has helped people with depression/anxiety then there must be something in it. As far as I’ve heard there are no tests that can be done to check serotonin levels in the brain, so how can they know? Testing on animals I suppose, which to me is morally wrong, and can’t be reliable anyway.

  875. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Doreen I would not take notice of every article you read, excercise helped lift my mood no end and gave me goals and something to aim for and be proud of, it had a big effect on me when I was at my worst and that includes at my lowest ebb.

    They can come out with as many clinical tests/trials as they want and most contradict what the previous test says anyway. But I personally know many people who were depressed for whatever reason and excercise was the biggest mood lifter they found, certainly better than the tablets thrown at the problem as it is a natural mood lifter and automatically makes you feel better about yourself. People who are not depressed say how much better they feel, so I am sure it helps everyone.

  876. Jo Says:

    Kelly – as you know mornings are always worse,so the extra aggravation is just playing on that. Perhaps you and Matt need to spend more time together, maybe just doing simple things like taking your son to the park or something.Get to know each other again and above all TALK to each other.

  877. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    By the way I am listing the top 10 things on twitter that really helped me, 1 a day for the next 10 days, I will use them for my next post on here so anyone who does not follow me will be able to see them.

    Paul

  878. Charlotte Says:

    Paul, just had a look, thanks.

    I haven’t been able to post for a few days since I posted a link that the nhs therapist gave me my address was blocked, I thought it could be helpful for others but it doesn’t seem your allowed-didn’t know sorry!

  879. kelly Says:

    Jo,

    I’m thinking the relationship may be at an end. Wherever I go he doesn’t trust me and I can’t cope with it :( can’t cope with being shouted at when I’ve done nothing x

  880. Charlotte Says:

    I was wondering can anyone shed any light on something I am mayb overlooking of my anxiety cycle? My head is total mush and thinking straight is such a challenege.
    I’m worried that i’m never going to be able to be happy and have a life back again, since the break up. I let my life revolve around him, and put everything into it to the point where I became totally dependant on him for my happiness. I lost myself. I feel like I have tried everything…walking, socialising, driving, facing my fears, coming off medication, therapy but I have hit a brick wall, and the fact i’m doing everything I can and nothing is changing is making my anxiety 100x worse…

  881. Sam Says:

    Is anyone else finding it or found it difficult to except coming across strange or weird in front of people. Everytime I find myself doing it I try and correct this thought pattern but just can’t seem to do it. Has anyone got any tips on how they done this would be much appreciated
    Cheers

  882. Jo Says:

    Hi all, feeling pretty rough myself just now. Went to Tesco and started to feel really weird.My legs were like jelly,DP, groggy, fuzzy eyesight,weak muscles and felt like I was going to pass out. Just had to get on the settee when we got back. Think I got myself worried this morning. As I haven’t been eating much I have lost a lot of weight. I am now eating a little bit better but still losing weight, and I started wondering if there is something else, like cancer, especially as I have discomfort in my stomach. I’m afraid to go to the doctor because last time he said if the stomach trouble didn’t clear uo it would be the camera down, and I know I couldn’t cope with that right now. I feel like I’m between a rock and a hard place.

    Charlotte – I think we are back to patience again. You have got to give yourself time to adjust and adapt to being on your own.x

  883. kelly Says:

    Jo,

    Please try not to worry about that. I have lots tons of weight too even though I am eating enough. When our bodies are in a constant anxious state we burn off a lot more energy probably more than someone doing exercise because our bodies are in a constant state of fight or flight. So as soon as we put something in it burns it off really quick.

    The stomach discomfort and pain I get too. Sometimes its so bad. Please don’t worry that its something sinister and I hope knowing someone else has what you do helps put your mind at rest a bit.

    Sorry I can’t be of more help, thought I would take the oppurtunity to try and help you as you are being a rock for me lately.

    Just rest for a bit you are fine x

  884. Jo Says:

    Sam – read Paul’s blog at the beginning of this page.

  885. Jo Says:

    Thanks Kelly, it does help. I know I am being irrational, but you know how it is when you get an idea in your head.

    You sound very confused about your relationship just now. I do think you need to talk to each other and be honest about what you expect from each other. Being a couple is not easy, you always have someone else to think about as well as your self.

  886. kelly Says:

    Jo,
    I am sat in the car right now with Theo not knowing what the hell to do. I’ve told matt I can’t cope with someone watching my every move.

    My heart broke earlier, I was sat on the bed in tears and matt brought Theo up so he could go over to the shop across the street. Theo come up to me and put his little arms around me and his head on my shoulder. I looked at him and could see his eyes filling up. His bottom lip went down and he looked so sad. Matt come back, took him from me and took him back downstairs. As he was going he looked at me, his bottom lip dropped and he started balling his eyes out :'(

    X

  887. Jo Says:

    Kelly I am sorry you are in such a state, and I really think you need someone qualified to help you with your situation. Did you get an appointment with your health visitor? Theo was just picking up on your unhappiness and reacting to it, it doesn’t mean he is unhappy too, he will bounce back. Children are very resilient.
    I remember being in town once when James was a baby, and I was in tears because I had had an upset with my Mum. The only thing I could think to do was go to the baby clinic. When I walked in, my health visitor took one look at me and whisked me off to her office for a good talk. It really helped. They can’t solve your problem but they can help you solve it yourself. You have got to be honest with yourself too Kelly, decide what it is you really want. But please get some proper advice on your relationship.x

  888. kelly Says:

    Jo,

    I just can’t cope at the moment. I am a nervous wreck. I don’t know what to do or where to turn.

    My head is pounding. I have just come up my brothers and all her gf is doing is shouting at her kids.

    My head really can’t take anymore :(
    I just dunno what to do jo I really don’t :( x

  889. Jo Says:

    Kelly, try to calm down. Take a deep breath and let your body relax, then concentrate on your breathing. You know how to do it. Then pick up your phone and make that appointment, or with your doctor, you need someone to talk to. Do it for Theo if not for yourself.

  890. mm16 Says:

    hi jo , the loss of appetite is a massive worry and your imagination or the anxiety can have us worrying we have all kinds of illness . Not easy to do but try not to worry and your appetite will improve jo . I asked my doctor what was the best vitamins to take , he told me vitamin c high strength . I take redoxon 1000mg with zinc one a day , they have them at supermarket. My goodness jo , believe me i have worried so much that i had cancer or something like that with weight loss , and the terrible headaches i had . The knots in the stomach stop the appetite . Sometimes when i lay down and rest , i manage to eat after. I still think we need to rest a lot to heal from this , wish we didnt but have to . hope you feel better as the day goes on jo xx

  891. mm16 Says:

    Also i find soda water helps , a lot of my anxiety is felt mostly in the stomach x

  892. Jo Says:

    Thanks mm16. I think I just let my fear get the better of me. I am feeling a bit better now, I just rested and had some lucozade which seems to help, a bit like soda water I suppose. I am trying to make a folded paper doll again so that has kepy my thoughts occupied for a while. Going to go for the Meggie walk next while it is still dry out and a bit of sunshine around. Hope you are feeling ok. x

  893. Matt Says:

    Mark R…alcohol is the worst for anxiety sufferers, in my opinion. I drank all the time in the worst of it and woke up feeling ten times worse then the day before. When I finally gave up the alcohol, I felt a lot better, especially when I woke up. My head felt more clear and no hangovers. I drank so much that I had withdrawals for two days, puking, high temp, etc. Trust me, that is not the way to go at all. Glad I gave it up and it really did help me get to where i’m at now.

  894. kelly Says:

    Jo,

    It just feels as if everything is coming crashing down again. We have argued again and he hurt me by saying I am not capable of looking after my son :-( I am trying to pick myself up and it feels like he is knocking me back down again :(

  895. mm16 Says:

    mark R , hope your feeling better :-)

  896. Mark R Says:

    Hello mm16,

    I still had a tricky day but it was much better than yesterday. Had a brief moment where the anxiety was too much but that passed quite quickly. I have taken the advice on here and trust me there will be no more alcohol til I feel better.

    What i am struggling with at the moment is accepting the DP. It really gets me down, I know its harmless but it really gets to me. I can put up with the constant mind chatter and other symptoms but the DP is with me constantly. Its like a bad acid trip. it doesnt scare me at all but its a huge annoyance. Just wondered if anyone of the recovereds have a bit of advice on this. I know it will go and its crap but its very annoying.

  897. Will Says:

    Mark R –
    I don’t think I’ve ever suffered truly from DP, but I do get the occasional “feeling not quite with it” feeling. It’s like grogginess mixed with lightheadedness, and sometimes it’s like I’m viewing things like I’m in a dream. It’s probably been said many times on this site before, but I found that just getting on with my day and ignoring the feeling really helps. After a while I think “hey, didn’t I feel groggy before?” and I realise that the feeling is only being kept alive by introverted thinking. Focus on the external rather than the internal. It’s not about trying to forget about it, it’s about not reacting to the thoughts with anxiety.
    Hope that helps. :)

  898. Charlotte Says:

    Thanks Jo, I just wish I could adjust as quickly as everyone seems to after a break up x

  899. Jeff Says:

    Mark R,
    Your mind is tired, man. The only way to let the dp go is to stop fighting it and let your mind rest. Will had a good suggestion above: keep your focus out instead of in. The anxiety is fed by “secondary thinking.” You doubt things that you would normally take for granted, you question what you know to be true. You have to convince yourself just how absurd this kind of thinking is. When that little echo reverberates through your head with all that “what if I’m wrong… what if…what if… what if” bullshit you have to tell it to stop. You have to just tell yourself that the things you know to be true are true, and your anxiety does not change that. Also, have faith that this will go away. With patience, time, and rest, it will go away. Have faith in that, but be very patient with the rate at which it comes. Soemtimes you seem you’re in a hurry to get through this, and no one could blame you, but that sort of approach often worked against me.

    Dp was indeed like a bad acid trip for me. I often wonder if my experiences with psychedelics as a youth left me more vulnerable to all this. When I would have bad dp I just had to tell myself over and over that it was my mind playing tricks on me… that it was just the adrenaline. That’s all it is. Once I got my nerves some rest, the adrenaline died down and the dp subsided.

    I’m not fully in the clear but close, and getting closer every day. Been like this for a while. Beats the daily panics. I really believe this is something you have to just ride out. Your body and mind will need time to adjust and heal. I have faith in that.

  900. Debbie Says:

    Jo sorry to read your rough today, your probably not feeling so good because of the lack of food can’t you eat some soup? I remember when I couldn’t eat it felt as though I had a lump in my throat so couldn’t swallow. What about a milk shake? Anything with a bit I’d goodness even if it’s little but often, you really must try you don’t want to add more problems by not eating do you, I usually found the evenings I could eat more when I felt less anxious, I used to eat a lot of bananas cos they slid down easy! x

  901. Will Says:

    Jo –
    Only just read your post about not eating. Funnily enough, a similar thing happened to me when I was just 10. I can’t remember what started it off, but for about a year I couldn’t swallow solid food. I just couldn’t. And what you said about a doctor’s camera, I had one of those too to check my throat as I thought it was closing up. After about 9 months, the “not being able to swallow” just wore off and I could eat again. Luckily I was a porky kid so I had weight to lose.
    And then it happened again shortly before I turned 12. I had my very first panic attack – the largest, most shocking one to date – and that caused the non-swallowing thing again. However this time I dropped to 6 stone and I was skeletal. I could barely eat custard and soup. I was in hospital for a week, being threatened to be put on a drip – needless to say it was the bleakest part of my life so far. After another 9 months or so I was able to eat again.

    I hope I don’t sound like I’m going on and on about myself here, I just wanted to share a similar experience to show you that you’re not alone.

  902. DCYL Says:

    Paul – since you popped in, anyway for you to check why my posts from home are not showing up? It seems like my IP address has been black listed?

  903. ginger797 Says:

    hi does anyone know pauls name on twitter? would love to have a look

  904. Doreen Says:

    ginger797 – think if you just scroll to the bottom of the home page you will find a link to twitter. However, I cannot find the posts to which he was referring.
    Jo – you are quiet today. Hope that is good news. I think there is a part of you that has carried on functioning very well during this bad patch because your capacity to read other people’s posts, unpick what they are saying and responding in a thoughtful way is pretty amazing.

  905. mm16 Says:

    hi doreen , hope you are well. yes agree with you jo has been amazing . i am positive people who have a bad patch of anxiety are the most . loyal , caring , nicest people albeit a bit sensitive x have a nice day doreen:-) x

  906. mm16 Says:

    hi all , i am laughing at my last post , heres me full of anxiety and im telling doreen , people with this are the most nicest people ever . Talk about blowing my own trumpet ?? haha why not its true about all of us xx :-)

  907. kelly Says:

    Hi jo,

    I’ve tried getting hold if my health visitor today, she is off for a week. Tried another and she is not in either. Not sure what to do now x

  908. Jo Says:

    Thank you once again for your kind comments.Doreen,I am trying not to come on here as often, because I think I am neglecting other things now, and should really try to get on with my life.Don’t know if I will manage it though :) because it’s not just about feeling better, it’s about talking to friends.

    mm16, I know what you mean, everyone on here tries to help one another, we are like a special little community.

    Will, thanks for sharing, that was a bad episode for you especially as you were so young. I am eating a bit better now, especially in the evenings, but my worry was that I am still losing weight even so. I suppose it just takes a little while to stabilize. I don’t know what i’m complaining about…I really needed the weight off anyway :)

    Debbie, my problem with food is not really physical, like a lump or anything. I just have no appetite, and can’t face food sometimes. I am getting better though…just had some cornflakes!

  909. kelly Says:

    Jo,

    Just wanted to say well done and congrats. You have come so far in these last few weeks and it seems your patience is finally paying off. I wish you the best, you are a wonderful woman who has always given great advice to others even on your bad days and im sure other people aswell as myself are greatful for that :-)

    You are an inspiration to us all x

  910. claire Says:

    Good Morning all, I don’t post often on here but read everything..which helps with the way I feel sometimes..I had my first CBT session yesterday and told him what a lifeline this website is.
    Everyone with anxiety should know about this site!
    I recently became completely paranoid about having a fatal disease-i was convinced and terrified and health anxiety isn’t even my primary focus i was preparing for the worst and how I would cope in such a situation but really i was just losing it and putting my mind and body under constant stress..I have seen test results to prove I am physically fine so I need to put that to bed and learn to let go.
    Life is unpredictable and that is scary but can it also be great.

  911. claire Says:

    Mark R If you want more advice I would read/reread Paul’s book and without the defeatist attitude anxiety can sometimes give us
    Kelly from your recent posts i feel your situation with your partner mirrors mine except without children i cant imagine that complication/joy just yet!
    If he’s tough on you let it pass you by and know sometimes it maybe more about his own problems than yours that’s what I’m realizing.
    Charlotte you may not feel it following your break up but you come across very strong and more than capable.
    Finally I would like to jump on the ‘Jo is great’ bandwagon,,ahem..Jo you are great!
    peace (of mind) to everyone x

  912. kelly Says:

    Claire,

    Thanks for your input. I think it is taking its toll on my partner too and maybe that’s why we are arguing.

    It was only a couple of days ago I was saying when jo is fully recovered she might be a new moderator on here *hint hint paul* :-)

  913. Mark R Says:

    Been really in the trip of it today, that really good week and half I had seems forever ago now. days like this it seems I’ll never ever recover. Sorry to be negative but I feel in a hole, it’s vile

  914. kelly Says:

    Mark,

    I feel the same but we just have to keep hope and try not to let it get us down. This is easier said than done I know. I just wanted to stay in bed today but I got up and came out.

  915. mm16 Says:

    Mark R , Hard though it is try not to fear this set back , this is all about fear with all of us , easy words i know but true . dont know how many times youve read paul and claire weekes books , but if you saw mine they are taaty old things , ive read them that much . Also something new sinks in everytime :-) They say you have to give each setback as much time as it needs to pass . The wedding was difficult for you mark and its probebly spilled over into this week . Kelly never add staying in bed to it , i use to do that and makes you feel horrible , well done in getting up and out and about . I try and think what someone once wrote on here….. f.e.a.r. false evidence appearing real , it realy helps me . the more i learn and go what im going through i do know this is all about fear and worry. We must try and start believing in ourselves a bit more xx

  916. mm16 Says:

    When i read that jo was going to try not to come on here as often i thought ” oh no ” because of how she helps so much . That was selfish of me , it has been said by many that have recovered thats the way forward , xxx

  917. Debbie Says:

    Mark R… You will recover think of the good times you’ve had, perhaps this is that little devil testing you, don’t let it win! If you had never had a good spell it would be different but you know you have and you will again perhaps you need to relax and focus on the positives forget the negatives, you can’t change yesterday but you can change the way you think about today, make a real effort to only think about happy things! x

  918. kelly Says:

    Mm16,

    I know what you mean about jo not coming on here as much. I felt similar. She has been a great help to me lately but more than that I am glad she is getting better and she must feel ready to let this be :-)

  919. Gary Says:

    Hi Jo,
    Hope you are o.k, its is a horrible feeling when your appetite goes – thank god my appetite has returned but for 3 months last year it was awful – i love my food always have but then even when i was cooking food never mind eating it i felt so sick i lost a stone and a half thank god its back on now but try not to worry my lovely it will come back just eat what you feel comfortable eating even if its just little bits – thats all i did until my appetite returned – im a little gannet again now.
    well of on our hoidays to the lake district this weekend for a week, looking forward to it even if the weathers awful have lots of dvd’s and books on standby and of course the 2 dogs are coming too my lovebird jill is off to my best friends for a weeks holiday!! im aiming for a total chillout week for me and lloyd.
    take care and look after yourself xx

  920. Amanda Says:

    I think I am starting to get this. Anxiety and worry and frustration are our learned behaviors. We have done them for so long in response to situations that that is all we know how to do. The key is to do the things that are frustrating and not avoid them. Because although we feel frustrated and anxious, we can reteach ourselves how to react in those situations. It doesn’t mean we won’t feel anxious or frustrated, and we have to accept that how we feel in the morning is how we feel, and yet decide to get up and get on with life. We have to teach ourselves to react differently. As we keep practicing the days get easier and easier because we are letting life in. Time to take fear head on. You can’t let it rule your life!

  921. Mark R Says:

    thanks mm16, Debbie.

    I know I will recover deep down. I’m off to football in a sec, was contemplating whether to go or not – I’ve decided I’m going to.

    When I feel really crap like today I feel so sorry for myself and self pity. I still go to work, I still do my work but I feel so miserable doing it.

    Over the last 10 years I have had 3 really long bouts of anxiety and I dont want to make the same mistakes as before so this develops into the same thing. Does anyone have any thoughts on this?

    Mark.

  922. Jo Says:

    Evening all, and thank you for all the lovely things you have been saying about me, it means a lot. I haven’t done anything different than what everyone else is doing. I have had a lot of help and support from you all too.
    I have to admit it has been hard staying away, it’s a bit like withdrawal symptoms :) I will probably come on once or twice a day, instead of several times. I have managed to be in my craft room for a couple of hours this morning, by myself which is an improvement from not wanting to go in there at all.

    Gary – I am pleased to hear you are eating well now, a nourished mind needs a nourished body. Have a good time on your holiday, and if you feel strange just remember it doesn’t matter, just go with it.

    mm16 – I am still here to help whenever I can, I’m not going anywhere totally, but a little time away is good I think.

    Kelly- thanks for the vote of confidence but I’m not sure I would want to be a moderator. Isn’t it just typical when you need someone, they are not available. Just hang in and see someone as soon as you can. Maybe if you could try and look at things from Matt’s point of view you would see he probably feels a bit helpless like my Ben did. Just like you, he has a lot of adjusting to do and Men always seem to feel it is their responsibility to make their partners happy and provide for them, so he probably feels under a lot of pressure. Try to work together and you have a lovely future with your son ahead of you. It’s worth working for.

    Claire – thanks for your words,much appreciated.

    And please don’t forget the coffee lounge. Leave your anxiety here and go for a chat over there. Talk about your hobbies, interests, what you like to watch on tv…anything but anxiety. It does help and we get to know reach other better. x

  923. kelly Says:

    Jo,

    You are sounding so great and well :-) really glad to hear it.

    I spoke to a different health visitor today in the end and she said she will come see me on the 19th and see what’s going on and if needed she can do another 5 listening sessions. Feeling a bit apprehensive but I know I need to do something. She also suggested I make an urgent appt with go to discuss medication.

    I was actually thinking earlier about whether it is pnd and anxiety or just plain anxiety and depression and then I thought to myself it doesn’t matter how or why it came, all that matters is I need to make steps to get over it and be happy again.

    Matt had a chat to me last night saying he doesn’t want to lose me and Theo and said other stuff too about how he feels so im glad he done that. He’s not a very open person and tends to not talk about his feelings too much.

    Anyway so glad your doing well, so happy for you :-) xx

  924. Charlotte Says:

    Hi all, you know when Paul talks about ‘tired and exhausted nerves’ this is a part i’m struggling with. I am dealing with being out and about so much better then I used to, but say I wanted to go shopping, that experience with ‘tired nerves’ makes shopping massively stressful and just exhausting. Does anyone else get this? It is because of the anxiety…but it’s technically not the aniety itself. So how would I overcome doing things like this that are massivly draining? X

  925. Mark R Says:

    Hate days like this but just got to ride them out.

    I’ve not really had a good day since last week now where i was pretty much okay and getting on with it.

    Although its been really crap I’ve still managed a days work and still managed to play football with a detached mind and high symptoms all day.

  926. Ash Says:

    No one really knows me, but I developed my own anxiety issue back in February. Just hit me out of the blue. I’m happy to say things are no where near as bad as they were when it first happened and as of the last few days I’ve been feeling really good. Nearly 100% normal. I still get the occasional little flare up that’s easy to overcome. I do sort of acknowledge to myself that it can and most likely may flare up again pretty bad (like it did a couple weeks ago), but so far the tension headaches have been minimal and no real other issues. I get maybe a brief tightness in the chest or a little anxious feeling. Most of what bothers me is the tensions headaches and strange feelings, maybe bloating/upset stomach? I try to remind myself that it’s not something terrible, that it’s just nerves. What I found helpful is keeping busy. Exercise and something to distract my mind helps a lot. The roughest points are when its complete silence and I’m doing nothing. My mind tends to wander and well, I know I need to cross that bridge at some point, but I’ll get there. I’m so hopeful for a full recovery. This ordeal has helped me lose 35lbs and develop a bigger appreciation for just “living life”. Pauls book/site where the best things to happen to me as I don’t quite have the full support of my family. (They think I’m all better now because I don’t bug them like I used to).

  927. mm16 Says:

    mark R , be well proud what an acheivement a days work and football :-) wishing you good days ahead .

  928. mm16 Says:

    hi amanda , love your last post xx

  929. Mark R Says:

    Hi all,

    The pattern of this setback is very strange. At the start I ad no good days, then I had a good day in between. Then I had almost 2 weeks where I had just good days and for the past week I have had only awful ones. Woke this morning feeling really tense and awful and just wanted to pull the covers over my head. I’m starting to think if that weekend away was too much and I have made myself worse. Hard to think that only a week ago i had a week was enjoying work, even went clothes shopping etc.

  930. Charlotte Says:

    Mark, same thing happened to me… had a big weekend socialising and then had a crappy week this week, when I was otherwise doing okay.
    I think those tired nerves were worked to the max, and we should build it back up slowly? Seems silly that we can’t go out and do these things though if we’re feeling okay.

  931. Jo Says:

    Hi all, told you I wouldn’t be able to stay away:) Just popped on to see how everyone is doing.
    Kelly, I am pleased you are starting to get things sorted.I am sure that your relationship problems are at the heart of your trouble,and it is good you and Matt had that chat. Talking is the best way forward, keep it up.

    Charlotte, shopping is my worst thing, I hate it and always feel ill and exhausted afterwards which of course fuels the fear of going and doing it.I think we have to accept we are going to feel exhausted and just rest when we do. I always let myself rest after the shopping even if it’s only for half an hour or so. Then I feel I can face doing other things for a while, then have another rest.

    Mark R, I feel like that most mornings, but I make myself get up, have a shower and make a cuppa. It doesn’t make the feelings go away, but the distractions help ease them a bit. It is damned hard but we just have to accept we are the way we are, for now.

    Great post Amanda, well said.

  932. Debbie Says:

    I’m realising it’s not good to stay at home as much, I went out today first time since tuesday, everything was blurred and I felt very wobbly, I know some of that was anxiety but mostly due to not having been out, so lesson learnt I must try to go out everyday!

  933. Christine Says:

    Hi All,

    I haven’t put anything on here for a while but have been reading all of your posts. Glad to say that I seem to be doing OK – using Paul’s and other peoples advice from here. Back in work and moving house tomorrow!

    Ash – I’m exactly the same as you – mine all started in February and I’m starting to feel normal again. The best thing that helps me is keeping busy too, so work has been a great help. I find my mind wondering too. I’m similar in the fact that my family all think I’m better now because I don’t bug them but I know myself that I’m still not recovered. But I will get there.

    Mark – I was the same about 4 weeks ago – went away for the weekend and I was in a terrible state when I got back, but as Charlotte says I think we need to do things gradually and not push ourselves to much or be too hard on ourselves.

    Jo – it’s great to see you doing so well! You are as Kelly said an inspiration! :)

    Take Care all and have a lovely weekend.

  934. mm16 Says:

    hi , christine , you are doing so well , that is my ultimate wish to be able to work again . all the best in your new home :-) x

  935. Mark R Says:

    I think I am too hard on myself to be honest. People keep telling me not to be. I keep upsetting myself with the thought that after two years getting better everything was clicking into place – new job, exercise, social scene, business venture, dating and now I’m back where I was two years ago. Ikeep getting the ‘Its a short term blip/setback’ from people but I’ve heard it all before.

    I’m annoyed that I fell into the same trap and I just cant seem to get passed that.

  936. Josh Says:

    Paul

    Is it advisable to be harsh on our ourselves to put ourselves in some kind discipline?

    Regards
    P.J

  937. kelly Says:

    Anyone else really struggle with thoughts of death? They constantly cloud my mind and thoughts all day. I wonder what the point of life is if we are gonna not be here. I get scared at the fact I will never see my family or son again and that its just going to be like before we were born and all our memories will be vanished and there will be nothingness :( I keep getting panic attacks over this. Can anyone else relate?

    Sorry to be so negative but needed to talk to.someone

  938. mm16 Says:

    hi josh , that is a good question . I am wondering if i should push my self a bit bootcamp style . Yesterday i had a good day , this always leaves me exhausted and aching the next day .So then i take it easy and have to rest , feel i really have to because physically so tired .What im trying to say , they say ” live your life like you havnt got it ” and take the anxiety feelings with you . This makes me wonder am i resting too much , and should push myself more ? Which i do when i can , but these exhausted days still here after 3 years. would be nice if paul could advice on your question . :-)

  939. mm16 Says:

    kelly , ive had these thoughts , the bully anxiety trying to scare us best it can . Try not reacting too much , and be blase with the thoughts , hard to do at first , but gets easier over time . Thats what anxiety is a horrid bully . Thatlady i was telling youabout called scarlet , ( who is fully recovered :-) she use to let the thoughts come , and think , what a load of shyte ( her words ) . Or paul use to think “whatever ” .Same kind of thing , try your best to not reacting with fear to them kelly . Then they die down xxxxxxxxx

  940. Charlotte Says:

    mm16 that is just it, it’s such a conundrum, and as far as I remember, one of the only things that Paul hasn’t coverd in his book? The complete exhausted, stressed, down, irritated, drained feeling after socialising, or shopping. Depending on what i’ve done, I’ll have a day or 2 days after of feeling awful before it lets up again. What is this about? is it just tired nerves pushed too far? how do we overcome that? x

  941. Debbie Says:

    Mark R.. I know how you feel having spent a long time getting on an even keel only for it all to start up again, I like Jo had a terrible time four years ago where I was in a very place, it took four years to get better then had a few things happen and here I am again, this setback or whatever you want to call it has been going for a year now, it’s very disheartening but there’s no point dwelling on it, it won’t make it any better so it’s taking each day as it comes and finding a balance between pushing yourself and relaxing also being very patient, it’s very hard to accept the situation when you feel rubbish isn’t it? I think how can you accept something you don’t like or want! x

    Charlotte… It’s like I’ve said above its finding the right balance between pushing yourself and relaxing, I know if I’ve had a busy day or doing something I’m not comfortable with that the next day I will have an easy day x

  942. mm16 Says:

    hi charlotte , glad you understand what am trying to say , not that good at explaining it .When this first happened to me , i was so frightened to go shopping ect because of the panic attacks . Now they have subside its because it drains me that i dislike going so much . We must be holding muscles so tight to feel like this after , socialising ect . Iam 48 , but no way should i feel this exhausted . I spoke to my doctor over this tiredness and he just said , yes thats anxiety . I think it was you charlotte that said in one of your posts, on a good day you can see that recovery is possible , me too . The exhaustion is my biggest problem now , i suppose thats better than the panic attacks i use to get . Gets me very annoyed , a good day , then just as you say , a couple of days to recover . My legs feel like i have run miles today , just cannot push myself on these tired out days . Yes charlotte i would like to know how to overcome this part of it . xx

  943. mm16 Says:

    debbie , yes i see what you are saying about the balance . But like now i have to go to the supermarket , so tired . Do i put it off till tommorow or push through because i really need to go today . I realise we need rest with this but on some days its impossible when there is something that cannot be put off till tommorow . I will go and have a rest after . x

  944. mm16 Says:

    Feels like ive run a marathon in my sleep :-)

  945. Charlotte Says:

    Debbie, mm16, yes I think really we know it is about finding the balance between pushing ourselves and resting. Just because I had rested most of the week, and felt good on the Friday…did not mean I should go to 2 parties and socialise for hours :s. 1 party for an hour was probably more what I should have done.
    mm16, i’m similar in the sense that like you, I have recovered mostly from the panic I used to get from shopping etc…it’s now the shere exhaustion, from anything like that really that stops me going now. But at least i’ve recognised it now, I’ll try control it a bit better. Basically we do what we used to do, but in small doses, before gradually increasing them.

  946. Charlotte Says:

    mm16 don’t push yourself too much, if it’s too much today then don’t do it, it’s not worth the days of feeling awful from pushing your body too far. Go tomorrow and any ‘necessities’ that must be done, space them out. You may have to get organised with the shopping, i.e so that you have a specific day you go and get everything you need for the week. That way, you know if Thursday is your shopping day, you know that you shouldnt plan or do anything too strenuous on Wednesday, and Friday is a bit of a rest day.

  947. Charlotte Says:

    Tesco can deliver for as little at £3 but don’t rely on it, as we still need to get out and about 😉 just incase of that busy week.

  948. Mark R Says:

    Debbie,

    Thats my point exactly, is that all my life is going to be? As that is total rubbish. However when I recovered from a real bad one in 2007 I had two and half years of feeling fantastic, no symptoms at all. Have you periods in between where you have been well?

    To be honest I moan that it took me 2 years but it was only 1 year of feeling bad and then the other year was really easy – I didnt care about it all.

    I have had the recovered people on here saying that they or Paul wont ever suffer again but do you think this is true?

  949. Will Says:

    Today’s another one of those days where I’m stuck in the house with that groggy/fuzzy/lightheaded feeling, with the thought in the back of my mind that I’m going to start seeing stars or pass out or something.
    I’ve noticed that being stuck in the house for a day does bring about this feeling most of the time, probably because I’m not getting fresh air or my attention’s on myself when I get bored.
    A little earlier on, I decided to go for a walk to clear my head. After coming back, I actually felt a bit worse. For now I’m trying to just go along with it, but it’s strange how this is just one of those things that I find hard to get used to. Every time I have it I think “something’s wrong with me THIS time, for sure.”

  950. Will Says:

    And Debbie, funny you should mention that because I too have had lengthy periods of time where I’ve had no anxiety whatsoever. Then it’s always something trival and small that sets it all off again. Thankfully I haven’t had a panic attack in nearly 3 years, but it’s a lot of other different symptoms.

  951. Will Says:

    I meant Mark R, sorry! :)

  952. Jo Says:

    Hi all, some really good posts on here. As I said in my earlier post, I always let myself rest after a hard time, I don’t see why not as long as it is just a rest and not an excuse for not doing anything. We can expect to get exhausted because most of us are not eating properly are we? This seems to be working for me, as I am starting to feel more normal each day, not recovered yet, and there may be more bad days I know, but I feel I am making progress.

    Kelly love, you are bound to have those feelings, you are a new Mum with a life to be responsible for. It’s called growing up :) I used to be scared to death of anything happening to James when I first had him. In time you will relax about death and it won’t be in your mind quite so much. I’m not saying you will never fear it, but it won’t overwhelm you. before Mum died I could think about death and it not worry me overly but now I find it very difficult to think about. I don’t even like it mentioned on tv or anything. It’s just anxiety again, magnifying everything. It will settle, just give it time, like everything else.

  953. Jo Says:

    Christine, thank you for that. x

  954. Debbie Says:

    Mark R.. I had four good years before this, I have trouble not thinking what’s the point, my usual thought on that is if it’s a trauma that starts it off then im going to have it when I lose my parents my mums 80 and not really in good health and I’m very close to her then my dads 86 in very good health, my daughter has several large lumps on her liver which they are reluctant to remove but can turn cancerous if left so I think why bother trying to get better! BUT everyone could think like that you just have to deal with these things when they happen a lot of people have to face difficult situations every day so I try to think of the day I’m in not the future, it’s the only way x

  955. mm16 Says:

    Debbie and charlotte , thank you for your kind replies and understanding exactly what i mean . I went but just did a small shop . Yes charlotte a little organasation would help with the shopping ect .I was at the traffic lights and renembered how i use to panic , when they where at red , my goodness they were awfull times . Improvement slow but its there thats all that matters :-) How kind you all are on here and your post help more than you will ever know . Debbie i will remember its a balance , we have to rest more than we use to at the moment , we got to be more kind to ourselves .I would love us all to meet at a posh retreat with a spa ect . I would wear myself out talking to you all , then wouldnt be able to lift my head off the pillow next day with exhaustion haha xx

  956. mm16 Says:

    Oh jo , its making me smile you are improving , fantastic to hear . xx

  957. Ciara30 Says:

    Jo, hello hope you are doing better, I had the exact same thing about 3 weeks ago couldnt/wouldn’t eat, felt constantly sick and nauseous lost huge amount of weight to the point I had to buy new clothes, I naturally very thin so I looked half dead, I just kept eating everything and anything while telling myself this is sooo yum I want more ( even though I thought I d be sick). I also got a fitness app with a calorie counter, I entered the weight I want to be and it tells u how many calories u have to eat daily to get back to your previous weight it’s great I m eating all kinds of rubbish to overeat the daily calories because I can I just hope I don’t go the opposite but even I I do it doesn’t really matter. I ate Alot of toast and breakfast cereal for awhile at the beginning and bananas so just try small amounts at first and gradually your appetite will come back bigger than ever. Try not to worry about it and DO NOT weight yourself at all you ll only get frightened

  958. kelly Says:

    Mm16 and jo,
    thanks for your replies. It is hard because these thoughts are with me every moment of the day from when I wake up to when I go to sleep. I find it hard to function with them and whenever I try do something they cone tenfold :(

    I just have the most horrible thoughts about there being nothing after and all these people we love and all the memories we have will just be gone. So then my thoughs go to what is the point in anything. Its hell :(

  959. Michelle m Says:

    Hi everyone.

    Just caught up on everyone’s posts over the past 5 days. Kelly im glad you looked at that post natal depression web site. i didn’t come on this site once whilst i was away. in fact i completely forgot about anxiety and intrusive thoughts for the week. i was my old self again. its like the past 5 years hadn’t happened. back home and its all come flooding back. worried about losing control and all that stuff. if i really did have ocd would i be able to just forget about it at certain times?

    It felt so good not to have any worries and fears. Could i have just formed a habit which is hard to break? I too havent been drunk for over 2 years as the hangover are awful

  960. Michelle m Says:

    Pressed too soon but can’t continue on this poxy phone. its too annoying.

    All the best to everyone.

    Michelle xx

  961. ginger797 Says:

    hi everyone, so im needing abit of advice latley ive been practicing accepting i find that my anxiety is like an onion it has so many layers(and i no i seem like im still trying to figure out the jigsaw) ive been letting all the strage feelings come and letting the mind say want it wants but the other day i decided to start to go forward into my fears accept anything,yesterday i went to the next town over shopping with the kids alone wich i havent done in a long time so my mind already started to go on a rant before id even left i still went and thorght i will get out side of my head this time and converse more with the kids and let all the feelings just come as they wish as i hadent done that before, so i was nearly there and my mind said something like i cant do this but i ignored it kept going i suddenly felt like a warm wave and fear feeling over me i ingored kept talking to kids and go to the shop walking into the shop i felt the same feeling just fear and this time as i wasnt fighting it i wasnt feeling the other symptoms with it so that throw me a bit usually i would start with the mind talk and stomach would get weird and id get hot flases but differnt this time, i left the shop and the kids wanted to go to the park so immediatly my mind said “oh how am i going to do this how am i going to hold on for this long” i took them and felt like i was dizzy and out in the open feeling still felt the fear but i wondered it that was “it? could it have got worse if i put the oh no’s in or should i have ignored it like i did, is this new feeling a “setback”??? or is it because im going toward my fears…i do no that one of my fears is i dont want to end up agrophobic and what make me think at the park is i was standing there and for the first time ever i actually said in my head”i dont want to be here i dont feel comfortable” anyother time i wouldnt care…i still stayed though so i guess im hoping that this isnt the start of agrophobia for me?????

  962. ginger797 Says:

    i have also been writting thoughts and feelings in a book im not sure if i should but it helps a bit…..

  963. Jo Says:

    Well I spoke too soon didn’t I? Had a rough day yesterday, just couldn’t relax and felt edgy and frightened all day, even into the evening. I did sleep a couple of times which is bad because I always feel worse afterwards but I just couldn’t stay awake. Didn’t have a very good night and the fear was so bad around 6am I was vomiting again. The annoying thing is that I don’t even know why I feel so frightened!. Anyway, got up, showered and made a ginger tea. Just hoping yesterday was only ‘a glitch day’ as my previous doctor used to call them.

  964. Debbie Says:

    Jo of course it was a ‘glitch day’ you’ve had them before, try to think what advice you would be giving to others if they had written that post! Yesterday has gone its a new day! x

    Ginger 797… I get exactly the same and worry its agrophobia, it’s not it’s anxiety trying to play games with your mind and it sounds as though your letting them win, they are only thoughts it’s your false self it’s not you.
    I have been staying in a lot lately when I went out yesterday I had the same as you, same thoughts but I know I have to make more of an effort to go out every day, it’s so easy to stay in my safe haven.
    I look at those kind of thoughts as a little devil the more you think and worry your making it nice and fat and powerful, you are the kind loving fun person that’s the real you, so keep remembering don’t feed that devil feed yourself with positives don’t let a little devil ruin your life you and your family are worth more arnt they?
    When you have those kind of thoughts think is that me or is that the false me, if it’s the false say hey get lost! x

  965. Doreen Says:

    ginger 797 – I understand that agoraphobia is not really a fear of open spaces – it is because you have felt particularly anxious in that situation you then associate it with fear. The anxiety has a ‘life’ of it’s own and we can take it anywhere but the place itself is not the cause of the fear. Likewise we can ‘decide’ to park it and not feel frightened, easier said that done I know. However, please don’t start letting your life be limited by where you have felt fear. It is not the park, it is not agoraphobia, it is just somewhere where you happened to feel fear.
    Jo – yes it is a pain when we move forward and start to feel more confident that we are over the worst and then the pesky imp comes back and says ‘oh, no I am still here’. That is all it is though. And as you know, one of the ingredients of GAD is that we don’t know why we are frightened. That is why real causes for anxiety are in some ways easier to deal with but in managing those our capacity for coping with stress gets sorely tested and depleted and we may end up with GAD. I have managed some very stressful events as you know, but my husband being late home when in the car can send me into a flat spin. So , no you didn’t speak too soon. Your good times are just a real as the bad ones and will increase over time

  966. Jo Says:

    Hi Debbie and Doreen, thank you both for your lovely replies. Yes I know I should take my own advice shouldn’t I? :) I just keep asking myself why I feel like this. I have no reason for it really. I have a nice life, a loving husband and son, a smashing dog, and the cat’s no so bad either!
    I can understand your anxiety Doreen, you have been through so much.It’s understandable that you worry about your husband when he’s late.

    Debbie, as you know I walk twice a day with Meg and go to Tesco or town most days, but I still get those feelings of wanting to go home. As you say it is our safety zone. I find it particularly hard to stand around when out, like if we see someone we know and Ben wants to chat…I just want to get away.

  967. kelly Says:

    What an horrendous day. Got so many horrible thoughts going through my mind. Just feel like crying. Its the thoughts that ill never see my partner or son again. Why is life so cruel :(

  968. Mark R Says:

    Been a bad day for me as well. I didn’t want to face anything today so I just kept going back to sleep as its the only peace I get.

  969. Debbie Says:

    Jo, I think like that I have everything I could want that’s what’s so hard suppose we shouldn’t be thinking why should we?
    I’ve just been to Morrisons we have a new bigger one here so instead of going to our normal smaller one we thought we would see the new one, um getting across town with the traffic and not knowing the layout was a challenge, so first things first visit the loo, then all ok till about halfway round then I thought how blurred my vision was and the jelly legs but I thought its only the anxiety then got side tracked at very nice quilt cover and forgot all about how I felt!
    Feeling anxious now as got to deliver the dreaded princess cake, Ive thought tho anyone would feel anxious wondering if the person will be pleased….or not, so it’s a normal feeling, but I can’t eat lunch till I’ve been, got that lump in the throat feeling so can’t swallow! x

    Kelly.. You are going to see your partner and son so you don’t need to worry, it’s the anxiety talking not you! x

  970. kelly Says:

    Debbie,

    Thanks but im just getting the thoughts of we build a life up with the people we love, we have children just to have to leave them one day never see them again and never exist :(

    Sorry to be so negative x

  971. Jo Says:

    Hi Debbie, it’s all so irrational isn’t it? Well done for getting round Morrison’s,it’s not easy at the best of times in these big supermarkets. I hate shopping when I’m well so I don’t know why I’m surprised at feeling ill when I go now. I hate that blurred vision and jelly legs, makes me feel so miserable.
    I meant to ask how you got on with the turrets :) I am sure the people will love it. I know how you feel though, because people tell me I ought to do pet portraits but I resist because I feel they won’t be good enough.

  972. Jo Says:

    kelly, you are letting your fear get the better of you. There is absolutely no reason you won’t see your son grow up, or be with your partner for years to come. As for memories – I bet you can’t remember much from your childhood now, can you? I certainly can’t, and I can’t remember much of James being little either. When you get old you won’t remember lots of things anyway, so don’t worry about then all being gone one day. As I said before, take lots of photos while Theo is little, he’ll be at school before you know it. Don’t dwell on the past or the future, it is today that counts. Live for now and let the rest take care of itself.

  973. kelly Says:

    Jo,

    I understand completely where your coming from but its just like what is the point of building a life for yourself when one day your just going to lose it anyway and all the people you loved. And then it will be like you never existed. Life is so cruel. :(
    the thought of non existence scares the utter crap out of me and I can’t help it :(

  974. Debbie Says:

    Jo she loved the cake but going there I thought I was going to be sick, so silly isn’t it? it’s lack of confidence and low self esteem even the receptionist said wow it’s so pretty and you are so clever, that just goes right over my head!

  975. mm16 Says:

    Hi all , good posts on agoraphobia . Yet again i have all these feelings and did wonder if i had this , doreen and debbie explain why we can be tricked into thinking this ( tricked )ginger 797 its hard to let them feelings be and carry on , but its the way through .I have gone and visited my dad in intensive care after his operation , well 5 operations , petrified but got through it . If we could just believe in our hearts that these feelings wont harm us , hard to do because i do feel like i am actually going to pass out . This has never happened in 3 years whatever ive had to do , well done in staying ginger , we have to show it we are not reacting with fear . I was annoyed more than upset last night , i went to see a friend who asked how i was . I told her i was doing much better , her reply was , i think it will be like a recovering alcoholic , you will always be a recovering anxiety sufferer . This is supposed to be a friend eh ? My husband said he thinks she prefered to see me at rock bottom than getting better , also she is a person who thinks she is immune to this . Thank goodness for all the lovely people on here :-) x

  976. Jo Says:

    Kelly, the point to it all is you are here NOW, you have a partner who loves you and a son who loves you. If you spend all the following years worrying what will happen when you die, you are missing what is in front of you. You are building a life for all of you to enjoy,that is what is important.

  977. Jo Says:

    mm16, wouldn’t we all like to be immune from it? The thing is, she probably is, because she sounds a bit unfeeling, and I believe that anxiety sufferers are sensitive and kind and thoughtful, and that’s why we suffer anxiety. You did so well to visit your Dad, it can’t have been easy for you. Well,l I know it isn’t from visiting my Mum and I was ok then .

    See Debbie, I told you. It is lack of confidence, people say how good my paintings are and I think ‘Well yeah, they’re ok but the aren’t THAT good’

  978. mm16 Says:

    Debbie well done with the cake , yes our confidence and self esteem are very low , its because we have been frightened for so long .As paul says in the book , the confidence returns in layers maybe we dont notice . Jo i have my daughters dog here for a week so thats four dogs at my house . I am just going to take them a walk , with my jelly legs . We are all improving really but its a long haul isnt it ? Hope you all manage to have a good day xx

  979. mm16 Says:

    Jo well said , its so true we are very caring , warm people .I even said to my husband , i think i would rather suffer from this than be cold hearted . xx

  980. mm16 Says:

    Jo just one more thing , when i went to visit my dad , it may sound silly but i said to my husband , right i am going and this thing can do what it likes , it can make me feel dizzy , sick , faint all the lot . even kill me if it wants . It worked you know . My husband said ” you poor little bugger having to think that ” When we use to visit i would send my husband into the room first , he would come out and put his thumb up , then i would go in . My dad doesnt know i have anxiety because he would say , dont be daft being frightened , so that was extra pressure acting ok in front of him . Hope you dont mind listening to all this , i will get the dogs off now xx :-)

  981. Mark R Says:

    Hi all,

    Had a really crappy day. I kept going back to sleep as I thought it would be easier than facing it and I’ve been in a bit of a low mood all day. I’ve been feeling sorry for myself and I know its the wrong route to go down. Sometimes I feel like I dont want to help myself at all.

    I have been looking at all the old posts and recovery stories on here – back to 2007, 08 etc. Its safe to say none of those names crop up on here anymore and most have made it through.

    I also looked at my facebook photos from last year and how much fun I had with friends and this bought me to tears. Although I was still in recovery last year I didnt care about how I felt. I tried to put it into perspective and say to myself a few months before those photos were taken I did not now I was going to feel good and have fun, but I did. I need to apply that even though I feel terrible at the moment.

  982. Jo Says:

    mm16, of course I don’t mind, and I don’t think it’s silly to say what you did. You are just reinforcing to yourself what you want to happen. Even when I was well I found visiting Mum difficult, especially when it came to leaving her, knowing that she wouldn’t even remember we had been. And as we live 90 miles from where she was, we couldn’t just go every few days. We do what we have to, to get through don’t we? You will have your hands full with four dogs! The most I have had in my house is three. My Meggie is a yellow lab cross, very lab looking but not so big. x

  983. Mark R Says:

    At the moment it feels like I will never be confident and happy again on the surface although deep down I know I will. I feel isolated as my friends are all happy and healthy and I just dont feel a part of them at the moment.

    I think its time to stop reading the book, Claire Weekes, and this blog and move on. Maybe I’m making too much of an issue of this setback?

  984. Jo Says:

    Mark R. i am sorry you are having such a bad time. I know how you feel about never being happy again, because I feel that a lot too. I said I wasn’t going to come on here as much any more…but here I am again, because I feel I still need it. Only you can decide if you are ready to move on. We will all still be here if you need us.

  985. kelly Says:

    feeling so depressed and down :(

  986. mm16 Says:

    Mark R , I am not ready to move on and drop this site or claire weekes book maybe i am trying to do it gradually . But sometimes i do think i have learnt all i need to know on the subject , i can resite paul and claire weekes books , saying that something else does ” click ” whenever i re read . But sometimes you think its like studying and gets tiring doesnt it ?, and i wonder if i am doing it too much therefore keeping it alive , saying that though the posts on here do boost me . Mark did you drop the subject before ? Its like we are waiting for a magic sentence , answer , to recover us . As you said , last year you where still recovering but didnt care how you felt . Thats it mark , you had the attitude perfect . I am positive you will get to that stage again . x

  987. mm16 Says:

    Paul said , however he felt he didnt care , and you have to mean it from the pit of your stomach , ive felt this only a couple of times and boy did it feel good . Mark R , you had this attitude every day at one time , and recovery came , you will get there again you know :-)

  988. kelly Says:

    How I wish I felt like I did before. Fed up of these death thoughts.

  989. Doreen Says:

    Well folks – I will say cheerio for now as I am away from tomorrow until Thursday. Going to a lovely non touristy part of Italy called D’Abruzzo. Then over in Manchester for another funeral on Friday. My sister died in January and now her husband has died too. Roller coaster of a time for their two daughters and son. Stay optimistic all of you.

  990. Jo Says:

    Doreen, I feel so much for those girls and boy, hope everything goes well.
    Have a fab time on your holiday, it sounds lovely. xxx

  991. Debbie Says:

    Does anybody feel lonely in their anxiety world? My friend text me and said she’s been going to the gym with a friend went to the pictures and for a drink, I couldn’t do them at the moment but wish I could, I belong to a gym but haven’t been for months, people don’t even ask me cos they know.
    I just want to be normal!

  992. mm16 Says:

    Debbie , yes that is just how i feel , and yes people stop asking because use to me saying no . Do you know what debbie i was going to the gym a couple of weeks ago , and to be honest enoyed going on my own , and just got chatting to strangers, which i enjoyed . Sometimes i feel my friends look at me differently since having anxiety , which isnt imagined , they really do . I have done the pictures quite a few times with family and really enjoyed it .The apprehension was bad debbie , but its never as bad actually doing it .Dont want to answer you negative , but yes it can feel very lonely . You and jo gave me the kick up the bum to go to the gym , the hydro pool and sauna was wonderfull to de stress , hope you can get going there debbie it will do you good .To be honest my so called friends were far from friends anyway , i realise this now . We are on the march to getting back to normal debbie, just been frightening ourselves for a long time . Just off to my daughters to feed her turtle , have a nice evening xx

  993. mm16 Says:

    Debbie , i think some of my friends and ex work colleges see me as weak , the fools …. far from weak , very strong people go through anxiety and recover:-)

  994. Mark R Says:

    Well thats the thing really isn’t it? I got up today at one, spent the day crying, wallowing and looking at stuff on here. Is it any wonder that I feel crap? What exactly am I looking for on here? Something that I’ve missed? Something to make it all go away?
    I’m falling into the same trap that Paul fell into and the same trap I fell into before in the past. I don’t want to make anxiety my life so I’m going to do stuff regardless of how I feel.

    At the end of the day its not the situations we need to cope with but ourselves.

    I did a little experiment with myself earlier – I told myself that tomorrow will be the best day of my life and I cant wait. When i said that all the tension shifted from me and I felt more relaxed. Now chances are that tomorrow isnt going to be the best day of my life but it goes to show that I’m sitting here predicting tomorrow, next week, next month and the next year of my life are going to be awful……..and I feel awful.

    When I stopped feeling sorry for myself around 13/14 months ago thats when my life changed and I started to recover or at least feel better in myself. That was after around 12 months of feeling sorry for myself. Well ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!

    My therapist told me that your unconcious mind cannot process a negative. If I told you not to think of a yellow lorry guess what you think of? Well for the last two months I have gone round saying I dont want to be anxious…….and what did I get? Anxiety.

    Another thing I need to stop is being harsh to myself……since my latest setback I have:

    Gone back to work
    Taking up running
    Changed my diet
    Taken up pool and snooker
    Played football
    Socialised with friends
    Been walking – 10 miles across the Peak District
    Been to a wedding in Bournemouth.

    Now that may sound simple to someone with a healthy mind and body but its not and we all know this. Nearly all of the time I have been DP’d out, anxious, depressed and hardly had a mind on it but I’ve done it.

    Another thing is to stop clinging onto feelings I had a few months ago – they will come again. A setback happened, they’ve happened in the past and I’ve coped. I can cope again.

    I may not be enjoying life at the moment and I’m expecting stuff to soon. I think when you are anxious you are in survival mode. Its almost impossible to enjoy life in that state. You just have to get through it/ride it out.

    Now please don’t take offence at this, it was a rant aimed at myself. The people you can really see progress from are the people who go away and come back a few months later and tell everyone how they’ve done. I want to be one of those people.

    At the moment I feel anxious, my body and emotions feel unstable, I’m tense, I cant think straight, I’m apathetic and it sucks, but I know rejoining life will be good for me again.

  995. Vamanan Says:

    Mark R,

    You seems like you doing the right things such as going back to work, socializing, playing football. Be compassionate to yourself and treat yourself like how you would treat a friend who is going through this. Also as you pointed out you are fighting with anxiety and emotions, stop that fight for a few days and let them run their course. Those emotions are not bad as you trying to run away from them and they will disappear on its own. Once you see a slight improvement, you will gain some confident and things will star to change.

  996. Debbie Says:

    mm16 .. Your right thank you, I like how you said so called friends you are definitely right about that to, I’ve come to the conclusion friends arnt there for you, well I’m sure some people have good friends but I haven’t been that lucky, I lost my best friend a couple of months ago as she had moved on from anxiety and I was having this setback she felt I was holding her back and she had other people that needed her support, (her words), well after nine years of helping each other through anxiety that was a slap in the face, when I did go to the gym I always went on my own, I like to go for a swim, it would be nice to go with someone but I have noticed a lot of people there are alone.
    It makes me want to prove I can do things and say sod you! x

  997. Mark R Says:

    Hi Vermanan,

    I am letting them run their course…..what I get a lot is tears, millions of them! When I do I think I have depression. Its quite easy to think that.

    How are you getting on?

  998. Shirley Dalley Says:

    Mark R.
    There are so many posts on here at the moment that it is hard to stay focused on so many, but I read with interest your recent comment regarding reading past posts and that the names don’t seem to crop up on here any more. Probably very true. But, I was a regular to this website in 2006 during one of the worst times of my life ‘Anxiety’ and there seemed fewer people on here then – it was a smaller community. I do try to pop in from time to time and post to let people know that there is life after anxiety and that given the right mind set you can move on. I have repeated so many times that I have no idea really how I came out the other side, but it happened and pretty much over night – though looking back now it probably wasn’t. So, in answer to your surmising – it is true. I think that once we have recovered we have far more to think about than coming on here and reminding ourselves what we used to be like – that’s not in a horrible way at all, but that the nicer things in life suddenly become more important than reading what your symptoms were.

  999. Shirley Dalley Says:

    If you would like to hear my story I am happy to tell it.

  1000. Mark R Says:

    Hi Shirley.

    I’m going to keep away from the blog pretty soon to rejoin life as it were. I feel bloody awful at the moment but so be it.

    I think everyone would want to hear your story so please go ahead………

  1001. Charlotte Says:

    yes please x

  1002. Vamanan Says:

    Shirley, please go ahead and share your story, I think hope is what we all need and your story will certainly bring hope to many including myself.

    Mark R, I am doing OK. Even though I am not fully recovered, I do fine most of the time. But sometime my anxiety magnifies some issues (work, home etc.) and It takes me a while (sometimes days) before I can accept its anxiety doing it again and let it go. But whatsoever I am trying to live life as the best I can.

  1003. Mark R Says:

    Hi Vamanan,

    Thats good to hear, sounds like you’re almost there!

    I think this setback is fueled by the ‘How long is it going to last for?’ mindset. When I explain to people this who haven’t suffered they are aghast with me! Its a trap a lot of us fall into. At the moment its as if my mind is on a hamster wheel of looking forwards and backwards.

  1004. ginger797 Says:

    thanks to debbie and jo you made alot of sense:)..i think for me i have been for the last year trying to “work” this thing out peeling back the layers so to speak i guess i was doing this because in claire weekes book she shaid if you can “unmask your breakdown and understand it you will be easier recoverd next time if it happens again so i guess i was trying to learn for the future how to dig myself out if it happend again…for me what would happen is my heart would race hot poker in the stomach feeling because of thruoght racing id fight them or try to avoid the feeling id go tingly/hot/dizzy feel sick but didnt want to run only once id fight the what if’s i guess id set of the “fight or flight”and id feel the whole time in my head analyzing all the feelings trying not to let them come so id miss out on whats going on in the moment so for the past couple of weeks i started to just go with what ever my body wants to do and let all the what if and the negative self talk go to town but now im left with none of these “symptoms just a friegtned scared fear sitting on my soulder feeling feels like”its coming”??? so again this feeling is all new to me and at the park i kept thinking what if i was to just engage with the kids or listen in would “it” set of the fight or flight would i go crazy head in hands crying ect..and lately ive been listening into the negative thoughts and just cant seem to stop?…i did read last night in claire weeks book “once the symptoms no longer matter all your left with is the bogey of fear and to walk along side fear youll one day walk with out fear”………and shirley id love to hear your storey:):)

  1005. Jo Says:

    Ciara, so sorry I missed replying to your post, it wasn’t deliberate, there are just so many. You are right about not weighing…it is frightening. I did it this morning even though I know I shouldn’t. i felt sure I would have started putting the weight back on now as I am eating a bit, not a full meal, but more than I was. But no, I’m still going down. I just try to tell myself that I am nearly the weight I used to be before I put so much on, so I should be pleased, not worried :) Hope you are getting on ok x

  1006. Jo Says:

    Mark R, that is the most positive post from you. You know it may be that tears are your body’s way of coping with the adrenaline, letting go of the stress. With me it’s vomiting, I have come to realise that now. If I lie in bed too long when I wake early and let the fear get too bad, I start vomiting.

    If only I felt like I do in the evening, all day, then I could say I was recovered.

    Shirley, please share your story.

  1007. Jo Says:

    Good morning all. What a lot of posts, and good ones too.
    When you think about it there is no wonder the ‘thinkers’ of the world become anxious is there. Everything on the tv is bad news, I try to stay away from it.I’m sure it must all build up in our minds even on a sub conscious level. Too much pressure, too much running to try to keep up, too much violence, too much technology…..the list is endless. What is that saying ….we need to stop and smell the daisies, or something like that. But the sentiment is the same. Hope you can make sense of that. x

  1008. Shirley Dalley Says:

    Wow, over 1,000 posts. What an accolade to this site. Where do I start? In 2006 I left my second marriage after only 5 months at the age of 46, going home to my parents was the worst thing I could have done – you would hope parents love to be unconditional – but what a wake up call. Things said and the feeling of guilt put me on the ‘anxiety’ road. When I was 18 I suffered panic attacks and knew I was susceptible to mind altering conditions, then when my first marriage failed they stayed with me for two years. But, Anxiety – that was a totally different kettle of fish. It just hit me – wham. I went through it all, being desperate for sleep – tried sleeping and it was like being pulled backwards by a giant bungy – waking up from a one minute nightmare. The bed became my enemy. I gave up my job – I couldn’t face the enemy there. Eventually a kind soul took me in to their home and i learnt to live with the anxiety on a more neutral level. There was a computer in this home and I discovered this site. My symptoms were like so many on here at that time. Mind chattering, depressing thoughts, not eating, coughing till I was sick. Stuffing all sorts of recommended remedy’s – to do no good. Everything was completely out of control.Thoughts were totally irrational. When I saw that there were others out there – I cried. From then on this site was open on an hourly basis. It was my crutch to ingest as much info as poss. I bought Paul’s book eventually and tried the practices in there – they were all so simple. I started with the ‘come – see if I care attitude’ and i suddenly started to sleep at night – that returned I started to feel human again and couldn’t wait to get into bed at night. I was offered a job and realized that ‘Yes’ I was worth something to somebody after all. as this started to happen I found I didn’t need to be on this site on a daily basis any more and the visits lessened. I describe that time as sleeping with one eye open in case the enemy crept up on me – couldn’t quite let go, then when i realised it had toddled off to plague somebody else I could further relax. At times i had two devils seated on my shoulders one telling me to move forward and the other trying to hold me back, but as I grew stronger mentally the naughty one disappeared. Can’t tell you how I did it – it was all a process – getting confidence back mainly and since then I have had a number of testing times which could have sent me the other way but i wouldn’t let the anxiety return, It is ‘Mind over matter’ and once you can get control of the irrational thoughts, see good in yourself, the anxiety diminishes.

  1009. Shirley Dalley Says:

    Candie once said on here – that if we didn’t have hearts, if we weren’t good hearted people then we wouldn’t be feeling this way, so take a pat on your back’s that you all have good kind hearts and you have taken on board the worries of the world – they have just overloaded you. Slowly strip away the layers and you will feel better. You cannot rush recovery, this is not the way it is done, it is a gradual process, try to do it all at once and you will be overwhelmed. Mark R. Tears are nothing to be ashamed of, we all need to shed them – you are having a release at least, me, I was coiled up like a spring – not good. The fact that you are going out there and getting on with life is another great step, one day you will look around and find that Mr Anxiety is no longer following you and you hadn’t even thought about it, that will be you on the road to recovery, don’t consciously wonder if he is there though as he will stay, if you have the mind set to get on with your daily life – there is no doubt that anxiety will stay for a while whilst you are going through this process – but you will see it diminishes as time goes on – don’t force anything. Wishing it all gone is the worst. Paying any heed to anxiety feelings make them stay.

  1010. Shirley Dalley Says:

    Me again, weight loss – I loved it! Your appetite will return and getting on the scales just increases your feelings of anxiety that you aren’t putting the weight back on.
    Jo, I too suffered with the vomiting, i still cough in the mornings – which I know is my anxiety cough – there is no rhyme or reason as to why it happens. I suppose my job could be classed as a little stressful at times so I think my subconscious is wondering what the day has in store.
    Debbie, unless you have suffered with anxiety you cannot understand it, I am sorry that your friend who suffered too has turned her back when you still need her – but look at the positive – you have said that you are doing things by yourself – wow. Pat yourself on the back. Just remember this is a temporary thing, there will be others who you will befriend and want to share the same interests. I did a bit of camping on my own, Family and friends were aghast – but i knew that if I didn’t go ahead and do it then I would sit and wallow, they weren’t available or offering their company so why should I sit at home and waste a nice weather break ‘ because it didn’t look right? A woman on her own’ – vulnerable etc. but what they didn’t see was this was the positive side of me gaining the strength and confidence to soar in my own rights again after such a debilitating time. you wait for others – you wait for ever. Make each opportunity count towards your gold star of achievement.

  1011. Shirley Dalley Says:

    Jo, have just scrolled up and had a look at some of your past posts, can I ask if you are an older lady? Because what you say is true,as you get older your memories do fade and somehow reaching 50 was a mile stone for me, the couldn’t care less attitude suddenly popped up – that would be wonderful if the same influences that caused my anxiety could keep their noses out but they didn’t like to see the new confident me and slapped me down for it. Horrid when the ones that are supposed to love you the most enjoy holding you back with words and deeds. It’s all about rising above and anxiety is like that, you have to rise above it to knock it on the head. We go through so much angst when we are young and accumulate so much stuff – it’s not surprising that it all explodes in a giant fountain of anxiety is it? you seem to be so philosophical about life.

  1012. Shirley Dalley Says:

    Sorry, i have dominated the air waves, i hope that some of the things I have written have helped some along the way. I will watch this particular weave and get back to anyone who decides they would like to know more or if I can help in any way.
    the fact that so many names have disappeared off here shows that they have moved on and it is possible given the right mind set. we could worry about ‘what might be’ till the cows come home but that will help none of us because worrying never changed any outcome, dealing with the outcome is the only way to go on.

  1013. Jo Says:

    Hi Shirley, thanks for sharing your story and the posts. I am sure we have all gained from them.It is a relief to hear that someone else knows about the vomiting, I was beginning to think it was just me. I still get it now and again, and I do cough a bit in the mornings too. I am 59, though up till this last year I was convinced I am still only 25 :0
    I try to take life as it comes, figuring there is not good worrying about things you can’t change, but in anxiety, that is really hard to do.

  1014. kelly Says:

    Well another bad day. Woke up to be confronted with thoughts of death straight away. I can’t handle them anymore. They are there 24/7 and I’ve had enough. I offically give up. I have no fight left in me anymore.

    No matter what I do they are constantly running round in my mind. Its taken its toll on me and all this is taking its toll on my relationship with my partner and son. I had a harsh text off a friend yesterday. Great help that was… Not.

  1015. Shirley Dalley Says:

    Kelly, I remember being as low as you. Every time I heard an ambulance go out from the local Station I thought it was going to a member of my family. Totally irrational but a nasty mind trick. When i look back now that family member did not deserve my excess worry because they have turned their back on me recently. 24/7 was exactly me too. You eat sleep and breathe anxiety. The harsh text from the friend – does she deserve your friendship? Does she know your situation – then she is no friend. Anxiety does isolate you but look back at this blog and see the amount of people in the same boat as you, you are not alone and certainly must not give up. It is an accumulation of things all piling in and it seems no way out. Your partner and son love you and don’t forget that. I can’t give you advice on how to conquer the chattering but to gain control is the only way instead of letting it run away with you.

  1016. kelly Says:

    Shirley,

    Thanks for your reply. My mind is racing constantly with thoughts of death and dying. I am petrified.

    The friend is a guy who has been through depression himself. He texted me and said ‘now come on think positive’. I replied back saying I’ve tried that it doesn’t work. He replied back ‘fine then be miserable and watch all the people round you who love you just dissapear from your life’.

    I just don’t know what to do anymore. I am constantly living in fear and I’ve had enough. I sit around most of the day not knowing what to do with myself because I can’t concentrate on even the smallest of things. I’m so fed up of all this :(

  1017. Mark R Says:

    Hi all,

    Its one thing to leave a really positive post but I need to mean it. I went to bed last night hoping I wouldnt wake up this morning, how bad is that??

    It’s a nice day outside and I feel so low. I can’t even drag myself off my bed. I feel like my friends dont care Kelly. They can see I’m upset yet the only thing anyone has said to me for two days is to have a go at me for not putting the recycling out.

    I’ve cried for two days none stop as I know what I am facing. I’m dragging myself around and I feel hopeless and desperate. I feel guilty as well for posting negative stuff on here. I feel like I’m getting worse as time goes on.

  1018. kelly Says:

    mark I feel the same. Always have people saying pull yourself together, you got to be strong for Theo etc. If only it was that easy.

    I am just a walking shell.

  1019. kelly Says:

    Mark do you use Facebook?

  1020. Mark R Says:

    yes,

    Mark Riley

    or find me using mriley93 at googlemail.com

  1021. Mark R Says:

    Anyone can add me if they wish.

  1022. kelly Says:

    think I’ve found you..

  1023. Shirley Dalley Says:

    Kelly, I will tell you a story! I went to a Doctor – they are supposed to help. Lady Doctor – sympathetic……. no. My first visit was fine but the second – she said ‘what do you want me to do about it’? I got up from that seat in a trance – how can someone who is in the profession be so cruel and unsympathetic. But, she was right, what could she do, prescribe pills? It was only me who could get my way through this thing. I went away muttering ‘it would be your fault if you find me hanging up a tree’ but it also gave me a kick up the backside! It said ‘ You and you alone are the only one who can help yourself’. It was terribly cruel – but in the end to be kind in a very bizarre way. but when we are in the depths it seems like all negative words are meant to hurt because we are ourselves so low – we don’t want it any more. The message was indeed harsh and you probably didn’t need it at that point but try to use it as a positive and think – yes I am better than this! My mind was forever fixed on ‘Anxiety’ every hour of every day it overwhelmed me. the fact that you sit around causes you to be in the inner depths of thought as you are not concentrating on anything else. I did that I was there. What about getting a small jigsaw a pretty jigsaw and starting to build it? Not too many pieces to start with and make that your goal on a daily basis to fit at least 10 pieces? silly i know but it will give you something simple to start concentrating on.

  1024. Mark R Says:

    It’s so true though Shirley. Anxiety is like a bully though, it wants you to dwell on it, to hurt you to think this is forever.

  1025. Mark R Says:

    Did you ever have DP Shirley?

  1026. Jo Says:

    Shirley, I got a similar thing from my doctor when all this started. I was pondering whether to go back on antideps ( I really didn’t want to) and he just said ‘I can’t tell you to, either go on them and try to feel better,or don’t ,it’s up to you’ It felt harsh at the time but now I know there is no point in seeing a doctor if you don’t want meds, there is nothing they can do. I do think the right sort of talking therapy/counselling would help though…if you can get it.

    Just had a walk to Tesco, and as soon as I got out of my door I felt really weird and just wanted to go back in, but I didn’t. We walked across the field and I took notice of the birds and the plants and the clouds, as I always do and the weirdness went off. It came back when we got n the store but I just concentrated on the shopping list and I was ok. Did a bit of tub planting in the sun when I got back, and now resting with a cuppa.

  1027. mm16 Says:

    Hi shirley , thank you so much for your posts on your recovery .It is so true minds fixed on anxiety eveyday . It is just a struggle for me to find the right balance on doing and resting , because get so tired and weary .So distraction is a big part in recovering , i do a bit then have to rest because so shattered .Iam wondering if to give in and rest or push through the tiredness. It gets me down that i had to give my job up over this . Shirley did your confidence come back in small layers or pretty quickly .Once again thank you for your posts, bet this site has grown enormous to when you use to visit . they are all a lovely bunch of people :-) x

  1028. Jo Says:

    Kelly, I think you are trying too hard to rid yourself of these thoughts.I know they are terrifying but they are just thoughts, let them come, explore them and they will go away. Don’t try to fight them, you are making them into your enemy.

    Mark R, when I was in breakdown I went to bed most nights not caring if I woke up the next morning. I spent all day for many weeks thinking I was going mad or dying or both, and in fact some times I actually believed I WAS dead. Terrifying yes, recoverable – yes, because here I am. Back then I had to go on the meds, I had no other choice, I was too ill to cope without. Are you on meds? I don’t remember. Also do you have anyone with you to support you?

  1029. Mark R Says:

    I dont take meds and I have my mom and my friend. My mom is in Spain at the moment, I will try and see my friend today.

    Jo – When you recovered did you have any symptoms? People keep saying to me that I did but I swear I didn’t. I was well and happy for years.

  1030. Shirley Dalley Says:

    Mark. As far as I know I didn’t have DP. I know my mind was playing very odd tricks on me, it did make me look at people in the strangest of ways – did I really know this person etc. etc. even the closest to me. Anxiety is a bully and if that bully wins?? keep fighting that bully. To ignore is the key, then that bully turns tail as it is fed up of poking you with no reaction back. I have had several lots of counselling – it does help but again it turns out to be you who gives yourself the answers not the Counselor – they can help you on your way. My worst was my tummy with the anxiety, once it started to churn it was hard to stop it. Anxiety is no doubt a fight, but relaxation is the key. I liken it to making the biggest hardest fist and gripping it as long as possible. That is what your inside are like at the worst of the anxiety. Let your fist grip go. which is the most comforting feeling? The relaxation of the fist grip – far more comfortable. apply this to the anxiety. feel floppy about it – not tense.

  1031. kelly Says:

    Jo I am letting them come but they are still not going away. Whenever I try thinking of something else they pull me back in. I’ve really had enough of it.

  1032. mm16 Says:

    Jo , your post on ” the thinkers of the world ” ending up with anxiety , i agree and know just what you are saying . My goodness i realise know all i did was race around and pressure non stop , but i actually liked it at the time . Well done doing the tesco shop , im going soon . Ive learnt the trick of get straight out of bed on a morning , it does help . Have a nice day jo and everyone else xx

  1033. Jo Says:

    Oh and Mark, never feel guilty about negative posting, it is what this is all about isn’t it, helping each other. There wouldn’t be much need for it if everyone came on and said how wonderful they are doing.

  1034. mm16 Says:

    Shirley , thanks for covering the churning stomach , going to try feel floppy with it x

  1035. Mark R Says:

    Jo – I just feel like us regular posters aren’t accepting the way we feel. That by coming on here and posting negative stuff we are letting it win, if that makes sense?

  1036. Jo Says:

    Mark R, when I recovered I don’t believe I had any symptoms, just the odd setback. But when I was well, I was well, if you see what I mean. I went on holidays and enjoyed them (right up to last September)I did a stint as a Taxi driver, I worked with a dog rescue charity for 7 years and just had a normal life. Yes I worried about stuff but not the anxiety as now.
    You are probably feeling worse because your Mum is away. I hate being on my own, and in fact in the breakdown I just couldn’t be left, I was too terrified. Ben had to be with me 24/7. I can be alone now but it makes the anxiety worse.

  1037. Jo Says:

    Kelly, they won’t go away just like that, it takes awhile, and it takes a lot of practice to keep steering your thoughts back to other things. Just keep telling yourself those bad thoughts can’t hurt you, you will be fine. Dr Weeks would say ‘let more time pass’ x

  1038. Mark R Says:

    I do see what you mean and I was well too. I had a great life, when you feel like that you dont give a second thought to how you feel. This is how life should be, unfortunately not for all.

    What is haunting me though is that it didnt take much for me to go back into this, in fact I’ve no idea why i did. Four times its happened in 11 years so I’m thinking whats the sodding point?

  1039. Jo Says:

    Mark, acceptance takes time, and some get it quicker than others. I still struggle with it, but I am learning, and I still do the negative posts, but I am not going to appologise for that. As long as you are trying to accept, one day it will click, and if you need a crutch till then, so be it. To my way of thinking, you don’t put a time limit on someone needing help and then just leave them in the lurch if they haven’t reached it.

  1040. Jo Says:

    Mark, the point is that when you are well you have a great life, and that is worth all the bad stuff. Life is precious, it’s not perfect, but if we can enjoy just a small part of it, then it is a gift worth having.

  1041. kelly Says:

    Jo,

    I understand that. They are getting me down so much. Another friend has had a go at me saying I have a beautiful son and that I need to do it for him etc etc.

    I’ve just sent him a shitty text back saying Jesus I know that and don’t you think I feel guilty?

    X

  1042. mm16 Says:

    Jo , i know your reply was to mark , but just wanted to say you have such a gift at explaing things the right way . So true as long as we are trying to “accept ” even if we do need to post for a little help xx

  1043. mm16 Says:

    Kelly , i have found out that friends will never understand it , and can even be cold and harsh about it . I do not discuss it with them at all anymore . support from your family , and this site is the way forward . Things will improve i promise you kelly , we have to be patient and give it time xx

  1044. Shirley Dalley Says:

    Jo, i think you and I are kindred spirits. We have the same trains of thought. Yes, this page is here for people to pass on their negative as well as positive thoughts and if sharing information can help then i’m all for it. This is a very unique site with unique people who all have something in common. Anxiety.
    MM16 – there is no doubt that anxiety is exhausting and you think that that will make you sleep to give you some respite – but no! it just keeps on going, right through the night.
    My little legacy of anxiety is the sick cough I get in the mornings and occasionally palpitations – but now I take heed of it for a second or two and pass over it. It must be very hard for anyone who is in the depths of anxiety to be able to take on board my words with clarity. 2006 I was exactly the same – I would never have believed that I could come out on the other side with all my faculties and sense of humour intact – but I did. I was lucky that once i’d grasped acceptance it paid dividends for me and it was a relatively short time for me too. I left this website because I didn’t want to be reminded of the symptoms I had endured during that time and again it was a form of recovery to regain my own strength without a crutch but I knew it was here if I wanted to come back. Mark, you can go back to having a great life. I am.

  1045. Mark R Says:

    I’ve spent the whole morning crying feeling like I’ve let myself down. I spent 2 years getting better, putting a great life together for myself and I cant enjoy it.

  1046. mm16 Says:

    Kelly , you be your own “best friend ” xx

  1047. kelly Says:

    mm16,

    Thanks. I don’t mean to be so irritable with everyone but I’ve just had enough of people thinking I can just snap out of it.

    I feel its not worth the fight anymore.

  1048. mm16 Says:

    Kelly , what im trying to say is be kind to yourself , other people have said this in posts , we are way too harsh on ourselves .As for friends , i still have them but have learnt to not tell them everything because they do not understand , and their answers just made me feel worse , we would snap out of it if we could . Start to like yourself , and try accept what you are going through and not fight it , i know its hard to do but try letting go a bit kelly . We will get there eventually , im so much better than i was , and you will be :-)

  1049. Jo Says:

    People on here are the best. My greatest wish is to win the lottery and pay for us all to meet up somewhere for an overnight stay and good meal. Wow can you imagine that :)

  1050. mm16 Says:

    Jo , i said this the other day too , i would latch on to you though , actually i would kidnapp you and make you live with me hahahahah oh i would let you bring meg with you :-) xx

  1051. kelly Says:

    We should all meet up…

  1052. Jo Says:

    Kelly, STOP FIGHTING. As Mr Spock would say, ‘Be one with it’. It’s hard but you will get there and you will be a stronger person for it. And stop listening to your ‘friends’. It is you, Matt and Theo that matters.x

  1053. Jo Says:

    mm16 Ha ha, what about my cat?

  1054. Jo Says:

    When I was in breakdown I had some very weirdly bizarre dreams, I have been in the most hostile part of the universe and I have been underground crawling about in the earth and tree roots. Most of the memories of the dreams are just snatches, but I had one which has never left me, and which I didn’t really understand till now. I won’t go into it unless any one wants to hear it. It’s not scary, but I often thought it was a message to me.

  1055. Debbie Says:

    Feeling fed up missing having the money to treat myself to things, when I had my job I could keep my cake money for myself but having had to give up my job cos of Bloomin anxiety I can’t.
    Funny how when your mood changes it makes the anxiety kick in! My minds being flooded with doom and gloom now!

  1056. kelly Says:

    I just don’t see the point in anything anymore. Its like I can’t even stand being around my close family..mum dad etc.

  1057. kelly Says:

    I just can’t do this anymore.

  1058. mm16 Says:

    Debbie , i feel just the same . I had a well paid job , i had 6 months off sick and then had to go back . I managed 2 says and knew in my heart i couldnt possibly work . To get better i knew i would have to give up work .But like you cannot treat myself now that wage has gone , its a struggle to go shopping but also you havnt the cash you once had . I have had to accept that any chance of me recovering would only happen if i did not work . You probebly know this anyway debbie with yourself. Yes the mood changes so quick and the thought of me having to give work up , brings me down so much .We have to realise we could not possibly manage to work , and we are improving and hopefully gat back into work eventually . Very hard not to add self pity isnt it ? debbie try go to the gym next week for a swim , definetly de streeses a bit . When i read some people still working , it amazes me , but i think if you have a “breakdown ” no chance of continuing to work .I try to think , well i have not the money i use to have , but have improved , with not working . xx

  1059. mm16 Says:

    Paul , bet you are proud of us all , hav’nt we done a good job supporting each other whilst you have been away ? hope you are having a wonderfull time :-)

  1060. Debbie Says:

    mm16. Thanks for your reply, I’m wallowing and can’t snap out of it, I will go for a swim this week make the most of it before my membership ends in August, I always plan to take a magazine and after my swim sit in the cafe and have a drink and read the mag but I’m always so dizzy etc I rush home.
    I’ve got the ‘I’m never going to be better’ attitude at the moment doesn’t help this is my second breakdown, this one not as bad as the first but when I’m low I think what’s the point in struggling to get better when there’s probably a good chance it will happen again! Sorry to be negative hopefully I will shift my mood ASAP! Oh and also feeling lonely hearing friends have gone out doing things oh dear I am wallowing arnt I? Ha ha x

  1061. kelly Says:

    What’s the point in being here anymore. Just to feel like this.

  1062. Jo Says:

    Come on girls, money isn’t everything…well not quite. Neither Ben nor I work now and are managing on Pension credit which isn’t a lot. I have no friends to speak of, not going out friends anyway. Just the one woman I got to know whilst at my charity events. We sometimes meet in the field with our dogs but that’s about it. I know it is nice to have treats now and again, but your health is more important. Just look forward to the day when you can work again, because you will. i did and I was in total meltdown. x

  1063. kelly Says:

    Bye all hope you all get on well.

    I am turning my phone off so I won’t be writing on here. Thanks to all of you that have tried to help me. I appreciate it.

    All the best.

  1064. mm16 Says:

    Debbie , we are bount to wallow a bit sometimes , those without this do over the most silly things .Thats something we will never do after going through this . When you go to the gym build it up to stay longer , i was soon wanting to get off back home , but manage to stay quite a while now , saying that i dont have a coffee there like i use to , must do that next time . theres lots of people i use to work with go there , i stand tall and do it , even though at the beggining they were starring at me like i had two heads . It definetly helps with the aching and that , i think paul use to go swimming , and had a massage when he could afford . Think i would feel a bit trapped having a massage though . My daughter booked one for us the other week and she had to cancel it , to be honest i was relieved . I am going to try and get one soon though , our local technical college do them pretty cheap . Mite get an indian head massage i will let you know how it goes xx

  1065. mm16 Says:

    Jo , thank you , yes health more important than money .What it is jo , shopping was my passion , thats why its hit me hard , and cannot help thinking , yet another thing anxiety robbed off me . Anyway i have had quite a good day , did the shopping calmly , and more energy today , why the heck does it scare me , to say ive had a good day . hope everyone has a nice evening :-)

  1066. Jo Says:

    mm16, it scares you for the same reason it scares me. We are afraid if we say we have a had a good day, somehow anxiety will know and say ‘Oh no, you don’t get away that easily’. Anyway, glad you HAVE had a good day. My James loves a back massage and always goes to a place in covent garden when he is in London. He wanted me to have a go, but I couldn’t face it. I thought it might make me feel worse. x

  1067. Shirley Dalley Says:

    mm16, A lot of the names have changed on here and yes, we had a nice bunch of people before but reading through these blogs, it seems that another tide of nice people have been washed up on the shore to help each other cope.
    When I gave up my job, I used to window shop a lot and really enjoyed the browse of the charity shops. It was going to volunteer in a Charity shop that turned my life around. I came out the first day telling myself that I should have been paid for that, that whilst having done an honorable thing and helped in a voluntary capacity I really felt that I was ready to go back to work and be paid. A job dropped into my lap without too much hassle and I am still there today, several turns of good luck struck around that time and I suppose because I was feeling more positive my pot of gold happened. I actually work on a Reception for some difficult Social issues which throws up a lot of problems – I pride myself in the fact that I deal with them calmly it has helped me regain my confidence. in 2006 I would have run a mile. So out of this horrid condition came strength – a new found strength to carry me on through life.

  1068. mm16 Says:

    Shirley , do you know i love the charity shops and was tempted to volunteer just to get a little confidence back and feel part of the world again . I can see exactly what you mean though , if you could work there then why not do a job paid . But yes i would do that to build up my confidence , and many thanks for sharing this . Do you know what worries me ( well everything haha ) no seriously , my breakdown actually happened at work , i collapsed in front of them all and then had the big panic attack . So six months of sicks notes handed in with anxiety written on them . I handed my notice in and told the truth that i was recovering from anxiety . Now if i am able to work again i will have to give reason for leaving last job , and references ect .At the moment im caring for mum and dad anyway , but if it does happen that i can work again , how will somone take me on with that on my records . Please dont think i am moaning and negative to your kind reply . My mum use to help in a charity shop and i am sure they would take me on , i will seriously think about doing this . :-) How lovely you can do that job , calmly face any problems , and your confidence back .I am sure this gives so much hope to myself and others , thanking you shirley x

  1069. mm16 Says:

    Shirley , we can eventually turn it around car’nt we ? you and others are proof , may take some of us a bit longer than others . I had really shallow breathing and many panic attacks daily allbeit not as bad as the first one , this has really settled down , shush dont like to say it out loud though xx

  1070. Mark R Says:

    Someone recommended a really good book today – its called Things get better by Katie Piper. Its about the model who had acid thrown in her face, I’ve only just started it but its absolutely brilliant. Its not an anxiety book otherwise I wouldn’t recommend it on here as I would only recommend Pauls book and Claire Weekes. It shows you how she got her life back in the face of adversity and shows true courage, an inspirational story goes a long way when you’re down.

    Its about £4 on Amazon. I got it as an Ebook.

  1071. Charlotte Says:

    Debbie I wen’t to Gunwharf today, if you go early it’s fairly quiet and can look round with ease. It was the first time all week I had properly ‘gone out’ and spoke to anyone else apart from family. I was very aware of myself…talking slowly, and jittery, with tired looking eyes to young pretty shop assistants. They don’t know me of course, but I was them not so long ago!.. confident, talking about social events and relationships. It’s just so strange how life can turn so dramatically and spiral.

  1072. ginger797 Says:

    hi every one, im loving shirleys advice anxietys a bully ignore him thats what im trying to do now except that he’s there and trying to scare me but im not listening….today i feel scared and i didnt know why but i just thorght its the anxiety float past it, i also have the negative self talk but im just letting it babble in the back ground…..shirley i too have the habit at the moment of “listening in or checking in as to if the anxiety is there or how am i going to feel in this situation” thats what im dealing with now

  1073. DCYL Says:

    Kelly – if you do jump back on at some point, I hope you have gotten some peace. All of us understand what you are going through. Though we all mean well and offer advice, ultimately you will find your own path. Best of Luck

  1074. Sophia Says:

    Good post Shirley..!

    Hi ginger

    I am also going through the phase where I don’t know to live otherwise without anxiety as in..I live with the constant mind chatter where I misinterpret what’s happening with me.. There was a phase in my life when I was going through anxiety I knew exactly what I should go for because there was no mind chatter..I guess we get a little puzzled with what’s real and distorted…
    I always feel I have to ‘do’ it and that attitude seems to be fixed on me..

    I always gets into checking what I should be saying or doing..and then telling myself I am fine which is wrong as I am not being natural and if I let that guard down I don’t know how I might react…I might say things out of my frustration which may not do good for me ..

    So to find the path in between the two is difficult
    So I am going with the attitude let the bully keep bullying I will keep on ignoring.I am happy always….hope this attitude works for me.. :)

  1075. mm16 Says:

    Stayed up very late last night , and got up late this morning .Wrong thing to do . Positive mood yesterday , my sciatica was bad last night though .If anyone has this the best thing for it is ice , best ibruprophen there is . Mark R thanks for sharing that book i have just ordered it off e-bay . have a good day everyone :-)

  1076. Jo Says:

    Morning all. Just back from Tesco, again. We do try to go each day or other day, otherwise we don’t get out only to take meg a walk. felt a bit yuk as usual, but maybe not quite so bad. I just get the fuzzy eyesight and funny feeling in my chest. It’s not what I’d call a pain, but it makes me feel uncomfortable.
    Don’t know why I feel so tired tough, it’s not as though I do anything, but I’m always yawning :)
    Charity shops are a good way to get back into things when you feel ready. With a paid job you are committed to a few days a week whereas you could probably do just a few hours in a charity shop. When I was recovering from the breakdown I became a volunteer with a dog rescue charity and that really helped.

  1077. mm16 Says:

    Jo , yes thats what i think , too comitted to a paid job . How lovely you helped at the dog rescue . I do the same as you go for shop everyday or other day . Tesco shop was a breeze for me yesterday , really calm and settled . Wow today though tense , feel horrid . I have to take mum to consultant appointment tommorow , yes anyone would feel apprehensive , but ten fold for us . Jo i yawn a lot specially on a bad day . I sometimes do breathing exercises that help a lot , i think some days i am breathing shallow and dont realise it . Going to do a bit of cleaning , and get something to eat , your right no wonder we feel weak sometimes with no food in us . x

  1078. Debbie Says:

    Charlotte, so you went to Gunwharf I haven’t been for a while, do you live in Portsmouth?
    My hubby isnt a look around the shops kind of person unless it’s the Toyota Show room of course! Which we went to yesterday and ended up test driving two cars! I think it’s a bit of an obsession he has we have had eight new cars fron Toyota in fifteen years, I can think of better things to buy! It’s become a family joke!
    Anyway, thinking about it I did quite well to test drive the cars and survive the salesman chat for two hours!
    Jo. I yawn a lot to also I don’t know why I’m so tired but I always think its all my thinking it wears me out! x

  1079. Jo Says:

    Charlotte, how nice that you managed Tesco so well, but yes you have a perfect right to feel tense today. I’ve been a bit ‘off’ this morning. The friend I told you about who we meet with her two dogs, has decided to have Jeddi put to sleep today, so we were saying goodbye and cuddling him. He has been very poorly with an enlarged heart and the medication to stop the fluid building up is not working anymore, and she doesn’t want him suffering any longer.
    I was with the rescue dogs for 6/7 years but we had a ‘difference of opinion’ last November and parted company. I do miss the dogs but I couldn’t have done it this year anyway, not feeling like this. The upset of falling out along with Mum, probably contributed to the anxiety.

  1080. Jo Says:

    Debbie, you are doing so well. Test driving cars! I’m afraid I don’t feel ‘safe’ behind the wheel anymore and haven’t driven for quite some time. In that I mean I don’t feel competent to drive, not fearful for my safety.

  1081. Debbie Says:

    Jo, how upsetting about your friends dog, I know when we had our fifteen yr old jack Russell Sally put to sleep we felt so guilty even though we knew it was for the best it was very upsetting we had had her since a pup and she had been with me through a divorce which she was my only comforter, I still have trouble looking at photos of her.
    I must confess I was a passenger in the test cars not the driver, I can drive but haven’t taken my test, I like driving our car round, Dom taught me to drive but couldn’t carry on as my new meds make me zombie like, I would love to be able to take off to a garden centre for a cuppa on a day like today but can’t, maybe one day hopefully. x

  1082. kelly Says:

    Having a really bad existential crisis :(

  1083. mm16 Says:

    Kelly try to not fight it , paul once said if he felt he was in a hole on a bad day he allowed himself to feel in a hole . I know its hard to do , but its the only way to find peace. xx

  1084. kelly Says:

    im scared to death :( everything seems so meaningless. Like we have kids and one day well never be able to see them again :(

  1085. mm16 Says:

    Kelly , wish i could help stop you being afraid .Thats what anxiety does frighten us and latches on to the most scarey thoughts . Dont “try ” to stop or change these thoughts , just dont give them no reaction , it gets easier after a while . x

  1086. mm16 Says:

    i meant give them no reaction xx

  1087. mm16 Says:

    There are so many that have walked in our shoes , and come through the other side kelly , try be a little patient , we have to give it time x

  1088. Nick Says:

    Kelly just imagine your mind is a car on a straight road at the moment, and it is racing at 100mph, but the brakes are not working. The more you try and push the brakes, the more frustrated and scared you’re getting! In this case, the brakes are your heightened reaction to these thoughts. Now without brakes, the only thing that can slow down the car is to let it lose speed right? And what that means in this case is to just forget about trying to slow your mind down, accept that it is going wild and fast, and that it reacts to little things, it is bound to at the moment, and it will keep doing so for a while, but if you don’t get scared of it and “expect” it to happen, then the fear will gradually subside, and your mind will slow down. Easy huh??? 😛 It takes practice Kelly but trust me it will work for you eventually. Im sure you’ve read a thousand times that patience is key.

    Nick

  1089. Mark R Says:

    Kelly,

    I had a terrible day yesterday. It was my grandparents birthday so I went to take them flowers to their grave. I was so stressed out I spent 3 hrs in the cemetary crying. I needed to get it out of my system though.

    You have to stop thinking this is forever, IT ISNT!! This is you for now, its a stage in your life. You’re projecting your misery into the future and thats fundamently incorrect.

    You need to stop focusing on it. The only person that can stop you doing it is you.

    Have a look at the book I recommended. It really is an eye opener. If someone who had their face burnt off with acid and their modelling career ruined and can be happy then any of us on here can.

    What Nick says is correct. It may seem impossible to cope with your mind at the moment but with practice you can. You will go from being scared of it, to hating it, to not liking it to no longer mattering.

  1090. kelly Says:

    Thanks nick.

    Its horrible my mind is racing constantly about death. I even read up about it. I keep getting horrible morbid images of me in a coffin :(

    No matter what else I try to think about my thoughts go back to death I.e what will happen, will it be like I never existed, will I ever see my family again and all I can react with is fear because I am scared that it is quite possible for that to happen.

    I tried to read Paul’s book last night with these thoughts there, they just kept coming back. Just don’t know what to do anymore. I am like a rabbit in the headlights. Scared of that mostly and scared of everything else. I keep telling myself I have to be strong for Theo but I am a nervous wreck. Tried talking to my family about it but its hard because they don’t look at it the same way I do.

    Whenever I see my mum or dad im thinking omg im going to lose you one day and its like this constantly. It just won’t stop.

  1091. kelly Says:

    Mark,

    I done the same thing with my grandparents. Took flowers to the grave, it wasn’t a special occasion but I just done it.

    I thought it may make me feel better but it didn’t. I was even more of a nervous wreck than before.

    I just keep thinking why are we doing all this? Building a home? Relationships? Kids etc when we may never see it again. It just doesn’t make any sense. The thought of non existence scares the utter crap out of me :(

  1092. Jo Says:

    Kelly, who says it’s non existence! No one can say for certain what happens after we die. My James is a firm believer of life after death, although he doesn’t know what. There are many theories and who can say which is right. Stop reading up about it, that’s like trying to find answers to anxiety everywhere.

  1093. kelly Says:

    Jo,

    Lots of people. Because they argue that there is no body, no mind, no conciousness etc so then it would be like we were never born. That scares me the most. That we would have just been here for nothing other than to pass on our genes.

    I agree that nobody knows what happens but these scientific explanations seem scarily true.

    I used to go to a spiritualist church and although skeptical I think part of me believed in it… I never really used to think about death. Until I probably realised I love my son so much I couldn’t bear losing him :(

  1094. mm16 Says:

    Kelly this is all anxiety !!! Not your real thoughts , anxious ones . Ihad terrible , petrifing, nightmares every night . really thought i had lost my mind .They would wake me and i couldnt speak with fear , or move . These have gone now as im less anxiuos . Dont read up on anything , thats part of our problems , searching for answers and what ifs ? x

  1095. mm16 Says:

    Kelly , are you getting enough sleep , because i do find my mind races really bad , if i am over tired . We have to be extra kind to ourselves with this . Get a nice long bath , and early night . I know it can be difficult to sleep sometimes , but rest and maybe read a book not anxiety re lated .
    I have been searching for answers all day , and all its done is made me worse . x

  1096. Mark R Says:

    My friend who has anxiety has just started taking Sertroline and said it had an immediate effect within a couple of days. She is adament I should visit my doctor. Like Paul I have never had any joy with antidepressents or the medical profession but it has got me thinking now that if she can take them and ‘feel liberated’ after a couple of days then I am needlessly suffering.

    I dont know, feeling like this I feel so unsure of myself.

    Thing is I’ve been pushing through this setback by my own hard work, this site and a therapist. If I were to take a chance on this it means withdrawel symptoms from my current AD (lowest dose) and side effects for the new one.

    Now I’m doubting myself.

    Does anyone have any thoughts on this?

  1097. Mark R Says:

    Just had a massive cry out of pure frustration. I think I am waiting for enjoyment of things too soon. Trying to watch the England game (football is my life) and I feel nothing, not even when they scored.

  1098. mm16 Says:

    Must be something in the air today , we are all struggling , cannot help feeling sorry for us today . x

  1099. Michelle M Says:

    Kelly,

    The thoughts you have about death are so common. I think once you have children your priorities change and along with this comes worry and fear. I always used to worry about what would happen to my 2 if I died. I still have the odd thought about that but theres nothing I can do to change this. The only 2 things in life which are guaranteed are change and death.

    I think CBT has really helped me with this and getting my head around these sort of thoughts and feelings.

    In the past 5 years I have lost 5 members of my family, this is what started my anxiety off. The latest was my lovely dad in January. Death of a parent is something I had always worried about and dreaded. But i cope. We all cope somehow and I know at times it is so very hard but I think if I can get though that then I can get through anything life throws my way.

    Kelly I know how sad and down you feel but believe me, it does and will get better. You have to accept that there are some things in life that happen and there is nothing you can do to control this.

    I hope I havent sounded too harsh…this is the last thing I want to be. take care of yourself and your family. you will be ok. You too Mark.

    Michelle xx

  1100. kelly Says:

    Mm16,

    I get tons of sleep. When I finally shut off I get a good 9 hour sleep most nights x

  1101. kelly Says:

    Michelle,

    I know it happens but my mind is racing wondering what happens after. Scared of non existence etc.

  1102. mm16 Says:

    Jo , the nightmares i use to have where just like yours , and only 2 feet tall .I was going to reply to you the other day about it .Anyway thank goodness they have gone . I still dream but not nightmares . X

  1103. mm16 Says:

    Kelly , i know this maybe no help to you , but i struggle more “time of the month” the week before im always worst anxiety wise with hormones .

    Try reading the posts of others and believe it does get better kelly x

  1104. Mark R Says:

    I’ve not had a bad day as such, its just very frustrating when you do the things you enjoy but dont enjoy them. I’m clearly trying to run before I can walk here.

    Is Helen not around anymore? Would be a real shame if she didnt post on here.

  1105. Blake Says:

    Been looking at this blog for awhile, have had anxiety for like 5 months and am only 21.

    Just replying to you Mark R quick. I have also been trying to fight anxiety without drugs and I am terrible at taking any kind of drug and fear it will set me back any further. So it’s very normal to be afraid to try them out.

  1106. Debbie Says:

    Mark R I had my meds changed a couple of months ago, found it really hard with the side effects but stayed with them and it’s balanced out now although they don’t seem to be working much, I’m actually allergic to the ones you mentioned but my daughter takes a low dosage and finds them really good she has post natel depression.
    I’ve tried nearly all of them over the years so they were a bit stuck on what to give me so I’m on Duluxotine 30mg, everyone’s different, I think if you find one that helps you short term then great but if I could put the clock back I would’ve tried coming off them no later than a year, I’m stuck on them now, five years nearly! Every time I have a setback the doc puts the dose up which isn’t good. At the end of the day it’s your choice but Mark please think hard about it.x

  1107. Jo Says:

    Mark R, antidepressants take at least 6 weeks to start working so don’t expect miracles straight away.

    Debbie, Duloxetine was the meds that gave me nasty side effects…and I had only taken one, they didn’t suit me at all. When I was really ill in 2004 I was on Venlafaxine, which seemed to work fine, although I was so ill I wouldn’t have known if I was having side efects or not :)

    mm16 the 2 foot tall soldier and stuff I saw were hallucinations, not nightmares.I also used to see little black things wiggling up the front room wall, and one evening I had to ask ben to move a spider plant we had on the wndowsill – I was convinced it was going to start crawling away!
    My dreams now are always a bit bizarre but thankfully no nightmares.

  1108. kelly Says:

    I don’t even dream now, that’s even more bizzare x

  1109. Jo Says:

    Kelly, you must dream, you just don’t remember them, so don’t worry about that. x

  1110. Mark R Says:

    Kelly,

    You need to try and get out of this negative slump you are in otherwise you are going to find it impossible to move forward.

    At least try and read something inspirational if you cant manage to work or do anything else. Claire Weekes books or some old posts on here.

    Okay the thoughts and symptoms are bad but not forever.

  1111. Shirley Dalley Says:

    Sorry, got home and the electric was off, so just got on to read what’s been going on. I have read the latest posts and I am so pleased to see the positives. Mark R. you say that you are feeling numb at the England game ( not a football fan) but the positive is that you are able to actually sit and watch it. You don’t have to enjoy everything you do – there is no hard and fast rule that says that you have to, the fact that you are doing it is the positive.
    Kelly, glad to see you have come back again today – did worry about your last posts regarding ‘leaving’. The fact that you returned has given me great hope that you will continue to log in and read all the posts supporting you and your situation. The fact that you say you get plenty of sleep – that is another positive. I tend to shy away from some in depth things on here – because I have no concept of such deep routed matters and would not be able to give advice on everything and wouldn’t presume to do so, But as I have said before in the end it is mind over matter – if you can get yourself to the stage of the mind being stronger than the thoughts then you are well on you way to full progress. It’s like climbing a mountain, you won’t see the proper view until you get to the top, so you need to keep climbing and not get stuck half way for the full results.
    All in all you can not rush recovery – to try would be foolish as this is the set back.
    Death is not very far away for any of us, we all have that end to come but why make your life a misery thinking about it when there are so many wonderful things in the world to look at. Even to see the leaves on the trees in the Spring is new hope.

  1112. kelly Says:

    Jo,

    Not really sure. Its like I fall asleep then I wake up and nothing…. Weird yet I used to remember my dreams most nights.

    Maybe my mind doesn’t dream, maybe it has no room with my constant worrying x

  1113. kelly Says:

    Shirley,

    Thanks for the support. Didn’t mean to worry you. I was just getting so stressed out and feeling under pressure with a lot of people around me telling me to grow up and do it for Theo, like as if I haven’t tried or that i don’t already feel guilty enough that i am like this so i turned my phone off and had no contact with anyone.

    I understand what your saying but obviously my anxiety is going towards death now and trying to analyse it. If i could just push the thoughts away believe me i would, i don’t want to be miserable. I think its just never wanting to lose my son :(

    Btw, i was reading a bit of Paul’s book last night and there was a recovery story from someone called Shirley, was that you?

  1114. Mark R Says:

    Hi Shirley,

    I’m not really able to honest. My mind comes back on me more than anything. Its like half of me wants to watch it but the other half is on me. Pah!

  1115. Jo Says:

    Kelly, it is a fact that everyone dreams, I assure you, you just don’t remember, probably due to the stressed state you are in.

  1116. Ash Says:

    Well I think I may have just experienced another set back? They seem to happen the day of, or after, something really stressful goes. Like a fight with my wife… And both times I experienced the “break” while at work. However, last time I had the sudden feeling I was going to pass out again, but didn’t, and then just felt rough the whole night and for a few days after. Last night it happened again, but the “break” didn’t feel as bad. Was really quite mild and although I did feel off the rest of the night, I got by ok. However, I woke up today feeling a bit crumby. Not as bad as last time, but still enough to take notice. I exercise a lot lately. I love the fact that because of this event, I managed to knock off 35lbs and get back to looking close to sexxeh again lol Now the working out feels a lot better because I feel more agile and capable. There has been a definitely positive side to this, but I’m really just ready to be normal again. I’m trying to avoid the urge of doing another doctors visit to get rechecked for things because I just slightly find it hard to believe this is all just from anxiety! >.<

  1117. mm16 Says:

    Jo , that must of been scarey for you . Yes i agree the dreams are a bit bizzare at the moment , but thanfully not nightmares . The tiredness been awfull today , couldnt push through it . Wouldnt mind paul to cover this and people could post how they deal with it , and helpfull tips to cope with it . Wishing everyone a good nights sleep xx

  1118. Debbie Says:

    Jo I was on venlafaxine for four and a half years 150mg when this setback started they wanted to double it to 300mg I said no way, on these I had put 6 stone on in weight in that time, they were very good until I had this setback I couldn’t face taking such a large amount I already was like a zombie. I’m hoping I shall settle on these, they are good for weight loss and help the menopause symptoms, they did say a lot of people have bad headaches, which I did in the beginning, I’ve had them increased from 30 to 60mg three wks ago, which hasn’t helped with the side effects, I’m hoping one day I will come off meds as I take mirtazapine at night to, I had a pill happy doctor that’s for sure (mental health doc not my own doc) they have said I should be on them for life!….great that thought in itself makes me depressed and the weight gain so it’s daft isn’t it? x

  1119. Ash Says:

    So in regards to my continued feelings of unease and crap today, I decided to take a break from the video game I was playing (kept getting killed and it was pissing me off… lol) and popped on Wii Fit and did some yoga and strength training. I dare say it’s helped a lot to improve my mood. It may be the burning off of whatever adrenaline and irritability I was building up or the endorphins from exercise, or maybe a bit of both, but I’ll take the feel good feelings any way I can get them.

    Does anyone else try or do a lot of exercise to help combat this?

  1120. Jo Says:

    Good morning everyone.
    Ash – if i have a bad day I find it unsettles me for a day or two afterwards, I feel trembly and worried, but I think it’s just that I get scared the whole thing is starting again, just when I thought was making progress.

    mm16 – the way I cope with the tiredness is to just let myself be tired, and rest. I don’t feel guilty about it (feeling tired)because I can’t help it, so there is no point. I go for a walk, come back and rest while I have breakfast, I go shopping and rest afterwards, I cook dinner and rest afterwards, I do whatever I need or want to do, and rest till the afternoon walk and then ….you’ve guessed it, I rest. I may watch tv, or come on here or do a bit of light crafting but nothing strenuous in my rest time. I don’t see how my mind can rest if my body is exhausted, so I don’t push I just do what I feel I can, and that is getting a bit more every day.

    Debbie – I was lucky with my old doctor, although he was adamant I needed the anti deps to start with, he was happy for me to come off them as soon as I felt able to. The side effects I got from Duloxetine was agitation, constant shaking and I was so groggy. I was practically unconsious. It took me three days to get over that.

  1121. Charlotte Says:

    Debbie, I live in Bognor Regis, but spend alot of time (well used to) in the Chichester, Emsworth, Portsmouth areas. Glad you enjoyed looking around the Toyota garage, even if it isn’t one of the more exciting things to do! I brought a new car from a vw garage in Jan and remember how excited I was at the time. Did you buy the car in the end?x

  1122. Debbie Says:

    Charlotte, no we didn’t buy the car we actually have a two yr old one so don’t need a new one it’s just my husband he’s got a thing with new cars, I think it must be that new car smell!

    Jo I have to see the doc in Aug I last saw them in May, when I told him how bad I felt on the Duloxetine he said to double them it was anxiety not the tabs that were making me feel lousy, that’s why I get so down you only have them to help you but they don’t listen to you, he was a trainee anyway, there’s a new doc in aug so will have to go through it all again! (another trainee tho)
    I’m off to see a friend this morning she ordered two ballerina mice, I hate parting with them! x

  1123. Jo Says:

    Hi Debbie and Charlotte. I can’t believe the horrible few hours I have just had. I was ok to start with, did the previous post, the went on the craft forum and I suddenly had the most awful sensation of dizziness/passing out sort of feeling. It just came out of the blue. Then I got frightened and then spent the next couple of hours shaking and vomiting and feeling so ‘out of it’. All the fears of going back to square one, needing antideps etc built up to such a pressure I didn’t know what to do with myself. I was almost at the state of begging for a doctor, but deep down I knew that would do no good. Anyway, I settled a bit and have managed a short walk with Meg, even though I felt really wobbly. Now I trying to stop myself wondering why that happened. x

  1124. Vikki Says:

    Jo it happened that’s it that’s all you need to know,please don’t go over and over it move on with your day and leave that episode behind. You coped with it and even took the dog out so please don’t worry and get scared you are a strong person I can tell from what you post. I rarely ever post on here but read it quite a bit and you are doing so well so please don’t let this episode get to you,take care x

  1125. kelly Says:

    Jo,

    seems like it could just be anxiety testing you. I have had that fear in the pit of my stomach feeling since I woke up. Try not to analyse why and just ignore it if you can. Asking why it happens I guess is the reaction it wants to make you worry more.

    X

  1126. Jo Says:

    Debbie, I am not surprised you don’t like parting with your mine, they are really lovely. When you see the new Doc, tell him exactly how you feel about being on antideps, you never know, a new doc may have a new view. x

  1127. Jo Says:

    Sorry about the typos :)

  1128. Jo Says:

    Thanks Vikki and Kelly. I am just trying to ignore the whole thing now, but it’s not easy as we all know. It’s just I have been doing fairly well lately and had a decent day yesterday, so it got to me a bit. x

  1129. Vikki Says:

    It is hard but you can get through this like so many others on here. As Paul says our bodies are made the same and will heal the same given time and understanding- not easy when you are in the middle of it but you will come out the other side stronger than before x

  1130. Vikki Says:

    This morning was a blip not you going back to square one-that is not possible as you have come a long way remember that! Don’t let it fool you into thinking that as its not true. DON’T add a second fear-feeing a sensation and getting scared just let it be and move on. You give great advice Jo that in itself shows how strong you are x

  1131. Ash Says:

    Jo, like Kelly said. It could be the anxiety testing you. I feel like that’s the case when I have a set back. The other night at work I got the tingling in my head/neck/spine that I associate with “passing out” and I caught it, held it together, I didn’t let it get the best of me and the sensation passed as quick as it happened. I felt a bit jittery and funky for a while after and the next couple days were sorta rough, but I kept my normal day going and then the night before last I had another “set back” of sorts, but it was even more mild than the last. Granted, I’ve had an upset stomach (mild) most of the day and last night at work was kinda rough, but far less worse than it could have been. So when you get these flare ups, don’t let them get the best of you. Just keep doing your thing as best you can or just breath through it and don’t let your mind push you back further than need be. Like he says on the site and in his book “They’re just feelings and they can’t hurt you!”

  1132. mm16 Says:

    Going to hospital with my mum , got the whole lot going on !! Feelings of no significant importance eh ?? Trying my best to believe this . Have a good day all of you xx

  1133. Jo Says:

    Thanks again Vikki, and Ash. It’s such a horrible feeling isn’t it. I don’t feel strong Vikki, and if you had seen me this morning you wouldn’t think so either :)
    Just had another walk to town with hubby and dog, thought I would take advantage of the sunshine, and maybe get rid of some adrenaline too. I needed to go to the post office but as usual there was a big queue, so will have to go back later.

  1134. mm16 Says:

    Got claire weekes on one shoulder and paul on the other hahaha . x

  1135. Jo Says:

    Hi mm16, You are coping so well, I admire your courage. All the best for today. xxx

  1136. Jo Says:

    And the rest of us rooting for you. :)

  1137. mm16 Says:

    jo , come with me x Will let you know how it goes later x

  1138. Jo Says:

    I would if I could. x

  1139. mm16 Says:

    Thank you , i forget my manners with this x

  1140. Vikki Says:

    Jo did you say sunshine???? It is pouring with rain here waiting for a break in it to take the poor dog out lol, he keeps looking at me with his big brown eyes. He’s not bothered about a bit of rain but I sure am!

  1141. Mark R Says:

    Ash,

    Try not to label bad days as as setback. As Paul says they are the usual ups and downs of it. A setback is a long period of time ( like me – 2 months) where you feel you are back at square one.

  1142. Jo Says:

    Vikki, it is on and off with the sun at the moment but at least it’s dry. What sort of dog do you have? Mine is a lab cross (yellow). She will be going up to the beach about 2.30 for her paddling walk. x

    My doctor used to call the odd bad days, glitch days.

  1143. Jo Says:

    mm16, I’ll be with you in spirit if not in the flesh. x

  1144. Vikki Says:

    Hi Jo we have a collie cross springer spaniel. Very lively and mostly naughty! He’s great really tho- he loves the beach and dives in and out of the sea and loves it when we throw sticks in for him to swim to. We rescued him a few months back and he’s come along way since then.

    Your doctor is right it was just a glitch don’t worry x

  1145. Jo Says:

    Hi Vikki, we ought to be having this conversation in the coffee lounge really! My girl loves the sea too, especially swimming with my son. She was a rescue, we have had her 7 years. You certainly have an energetic bundle there. We used to have a springer many years ago.

  1146. kelly Says:

    Jo,

    How are you feeling now? I been for a walk with matt and Theo down to our local town. Needed to go to the bank so took Theo in the park the same time. On the way back we popped into the hairdressers near our new place to see when they can fit Theo in for a hair cut. They said today so going to take him back down in a bit. Hope your feeling a bit better.

    Does anyone find things a bit overwhelming at times? Almost like there is too much going on to concentrate on.

    I borrowed 9 books from the libary yesterday. One was just on panic attacks. Read a bit of it last night before sleep.

  1147. kelly Says:

    Jo,

    Labs are lovely aren’t they? Did you ever see the film marley and me? Such an emotional film.

    Just so it is anxiety talk also..does anyone find they are a tiny bit calmer after a walk? Matt said he noticed since we have moved here I seem to be walking more when before I would use the car even to go to a local shop on a sunny day.

  1148. Jo Says:

    Kelly, I am still feeling a bit fragile, but better than earlier, thanks. No I didn’t watch that film, I knew it would upset me.
    . I think it is normal to feel overwhelmed by even the smallest things, with this, our feelings are overwhelming too aren’t they?
    Walking is good to calm you down, it helps get rid of unwanted adrenaline. I actually look forward to the afternoon walk now, whereas at one time I never wanted to go. It is particularly good if there is some sunshine.

  1149. kelly Says:

    jo,

    Yeah as Paul says its not things and places its our reaction to them. We are in a highly sensitised state. Almost in a constant state of fight or flight.

    I also find I have to actually think about doing things where as before everything would just come automatically, my mind feels very muddled. Its always ten times harder when your mind is somewhere else.

  1150. mm16 Says:

    Jo , cannot thank you enough for your support this morning , especially when you where struggling yourself . Hope you are feeling better now . Sometimes i feel very selfish since having anxiety , its all about me ( the complete opposite to my true self ) . I frightened my self silly before i went thought for sure i would pass out or worse .It was far from easy , but the doing was easier , than the apprehension thinking about doing it . Apprehension is so bad , that coupled with a vivid imagination , and coping with the actual physical feelings . Once again many thanks for your encouragment today jo , i was thinking of you when i was in the waiting room , trying to float haha . Do we ever pat ourselves on the back ? Not really and we should do xx

  1151. mm16 Says:

    Kelly , you sound a lot more positive today , good girl :-) x

  1152. mm16 Says:

    Kelly , have you got clair weekes books , libary might have them , or e-bay . Her and pauls book life savers , x

  1153. kelly Says:

    Mm16,

    I haven’t got her books but borrowed one on panic attacks. A book called what if about worrying. Another about worrying. Two on pnd. And a couple of others x

  1154. mm16 Says:

    Thanks to jo , i managed today , had to take my mum for chemo , which was cancelled because bloods are too low . Still had to see the consultant ect. It has been said that maybe we come on here too much , well i wouldnt of made it today without jo ‘s support . i had worked myself up into a right wobbler , its like having on line therapist giving you c b t . Therapist that actually understand it all though . :-) x

  1155. mm16 Says:

    Kelly , get yourself the claire weekes books , they are the best , im sure you would love them . Read them and re read them and it eventually sinks in . XX

  1156. kelly Says:

    Mm16,

    The ones I borrowed are :
    How to stop worrying – dr frank tallis
    The worry cure – dr Robert l Leahy
    What if? The challenge of self realisation – Eldon Taylor
    A book on meditation
    One on overcoming obsessive thoughts
    One on panic attacks
    And three on pnd

    X

  1157. mm16 Says:

    Kelly , dont bog yourself down with alots of different books to read , it can be confusing , claire weekes books are the “bible” for anxiety , any of them , essential help for your nerves a good one . The libary might have them or e-bay . I bought loads of different books ect and only pauls and claires have truly helped me . Get them kelly they will do you good for sure :-) I see you got a meditating book , i wouldnt mind being able to do it . Enjoy rest of your day kelly xx

  1158. Debbie Says:

    Jo just got in and read today’s posts, hope you are feeling better by now, I wonder why u felt dizzy had u had anything to eat? That’s the trouble with anxiety sufferers if u have something like that happen it triggers off your anxiety when it could’ve been something simple. Well you did the right thing and got on and went out with Meg so well done.
    I felt awful this morning think it was the thought of going to my friends, I then popped into my daughters, she said I’ve been very quiet lately and it’s horrible cos I’m not how I am usually, I know I’ve been quiet and very distant, is this an off shoot of anxiety or is it the meds? She thinks I should see the doc to change my tabs, but I don’t know I have a feeling it’s anxiety as Paul says about feeling as though your not here etc and I’ve read people’s posts saying about it, also the not feeling anything. What do u think? x

  1159. kelly Says:

    Mm16,

    Just trying not to pay too much attention to the thoughts and change my focus to other things I.e Theo. Been playing peekabo with him with me hiding behind doors and him finding me. Been nice to see him laughing so much

  1160. Debbie Says:

    Kelly Claire Weekes is the one you want, u will laugh at this I had 28 self help books! When I recovered after my last breakdown I packed them all away into the garage, that was a massive step for me, but I left one of Claire’s books on my book shelf, I’ve had a setback for a year now and I’ve only read Paul’s book and Claire’s, I haven’t got the rest out. At the end of the day it’s up to you to help yourself hard to do though but a lot of people have recovered as you’ve read on here so u can it just takes a lot of time, I still fight it and have trouble accepting that’s why I suppose I’m still in the cycle! people like us are a lot stronger than we think you know! x

  1161. Jo Says:

    mm16, what a shame your Mum couldn’t get her treatment, and I didn’t really do anything, you are doing it all yourself. I don’t know how you manage, I think you are amazing. You are not selfish, it’s anxiety isn’t it, it makes us focus on our selves too much.
    That was my trouble this morning, that horrible feeling of passing out scared me silly, and then the rest followed and I just got more scared, and that brought on DP which of course made things worse! Anyway I am still feeling a bit ‘wobbly’ a bit anxious about what will happen in the morning! It’s so silly and I know I shouldn’t do it. I have had so much comfort from the people on this site. Even Ben has noticed how much better I have been since coming on here and reading Paul’s and Claire’s books.

    Kelly – mm16 is right, too many books will give you conflicting advice. You only need Paul’s and Claire’s books, they will see you right.

  1162. kelly Says:

    Debbie,

    I think its an off shoot of anxiety to be honest. I get it a lot too, people saying to me ‘your quiet getting worried about you’. Sometimes you just feel too exhausted to talk so end up just saying the bare minimum.

    Also I remember reading somewhere, probably in Paul’s book about having a conversation and not feeling like your fully concentrating on what people are saying because of constantly checking in on yourself and how you are feeling.

    Some days we are more quiet and reserved than others, think this probably applies to all of us. Try not to worry too much about it, you’ll make up for it when your feeling more up to it im sure and then people will be telling you to stop talking so much 😀

  1163. Jo Says:

    Debbie, I am feeling a bit better than this morning thanks, but still a bit vulnerable. I think it’s probably the anxiety, because we think so much, we go quiet. And don’t forget we change in small ways as we get older too!
    Isn’t it a shame we don’t have a doctor like Claire Weekes, we could all go and see.

  1164. kelly Says:

    Debbie and jo,

    I just picked up a couple on individual subjects to get more of an insight I.e the obsessional thoughts. I find it easier to concentrate on reading than I do on tv or anything at the moment.

    Paul’s book is amazing and maybe ill try and get Claire weekes book too. I thought id get the pnd ones to actually show the health visitor when she comes that I am trying to help myself in other ways too. X

  1165. Charlotte Says:

    Jo, sorry to hear you had such a wobbly this morning. I must admit I had that ‘rush’ this morning (which would usually turn into a panic attack) luckily it didn’t. It is weird how they can just come out the blue isn’t it, through no explanation? All my panic attacks have happened like that. Although they don’t scare me as much as they used to.
    I had to go back on anti depressents yesterday after a bad week, I just thought I wasn’t getting better (dep wise) and the suffering was getting too much. It’s a different med then what i’ve been on before so i’m defiantly anxious of how it is going to make me feel. All day i’ve been analysing the way I feel purely because I think is that the meds or me? I think i’m even imagining i’m feeling something, when i’m probably not at all. Ergh just feel weird to be honest.

  1166. Jo Says:

    Hi Charlotte, it is a very strange and difficult time we are all going through isn’t it? It is such a long time since I had an attack as bad as this mornings, it just hit me hard, I thought I had done with them, how daft is that?
    I am terrible with medication, the side effects frighten me too much to take them. I don’t know if the side effects are real or just imagined on my part, but I usually feel bad afterwards. Anyway I hope you get on ok with them. They did save me back in 2004, but then they stopped working and I came off them.

  1167. kelly Says:

    Charlotte,

    All panic attacks are is excess adrenalin from worrying getting a release. Although they may seem to come out of the blue for no apparent reason, they don’t. Its your bodys way of coping with all the unnecassary worrying that we do x

  1168. Debbie Says:

    mm16. So sorry your mum couldn’t have her chemo I expect you were both feeling anxious and after all that it was cancelled, it’s a help having people on here to give you support when you need it isn’t it, I find just reading the posts help a lot.
    Jo, my mum said to remember I’m going through the menopause to so that doesn’t help on top of anxiety, I had forgotten about that.
    Think I’ve been wallowing again sometimes I focus on what I’ve lost cos of anxiety and it all feels doom and gloom. I have had a few good days lately so should be grateful!
    Please don’t stew over what you may feel like in the morning, there’s just as much chance if it being a good morning as bad, the Bloomin weather doesn’t help we need some sunshine it makes everything seem better! I know how you feel about wondering how the morning will be cos I do it to, it’s hard not to but we don’t know do we so it’s best to hope it will be good, I find planning my day helps I think right I will aim to change the bed or clean the windows in the morning take Ruby out then get my crafts out in the afternoon, it gives me something to focus on, if I do it all I feel some achievement.
    I’m round my daughters tonight DVD evening on a Tuesday would be easy to stay at home as not felt good today but I’m going cos I know she will be disappointed if I don’t x

  1169. Charlotte Says:

    Jo, I think that’s what i’m worrying about at the moment is the side effects, I do feel a bit different, cold, spacey and nauseous but hopefully that will die down. I don’t usually feel that way. I’m going to try them for mayb 6 weeks and if there is no change I may stop.
    Kelly yes I do forget, the adrenaline needs an excess and just comes out whenever, despite if your having a good day, if you’ve been worrying your socks off for weeks it will come out when it feels like it!

  1170. Mark B Says:

    Hi,
    I posted on here on the 30th May for the first time and seem to be getting worse. Just after some advice, after reading Paul’s book I felt great but its as if I wanted to test myself a few weeks later as I started to have quite obsessive thoughts about the anxiety and felt I had to recyte advice constantly to feel relieved. I then started reading this blog and think I may have made myself worse! I read a post from a chap called ‘Nick’ on the previous post from Paul about having obsessive thoughts about being gay and then a week later started to do this to myself!! This has been occupying all my days since last Thursday for no reason! I am happily engaged and the thought of being gay is terrifiying me. I am 35 and haven’t had these thoughts since i was 13! so they make no sense apart from a memory of when i was about 12/13 and having feelings for a boy at school! I was at an all boys boarding school till 13 and once i got to 14ish these feelings subsided as I had changed schools and got to a normal mixed state school and met girls. I hadn’t even given this incident a moments thought for 20 odd years till this last week and now I’m obsessing over it and worrying myself to death!!
    It seems that whenever I make progress and feel good my brain trys to find something else from the past to obsess and worry about! I don’t think OCD is mentioned in Pauls book but is it treated by adopting the same methods! Any advice would be greatly appreciated. cheers

  1171. Jo Says:

    Debbie, menopause is bad enough on it’s own so it will add to the anxiety issue alright.
    Instead of thinking what you’ve lost, think of the good things you do. You may not go out to work but you contribute with your cakes and little treasures. You have a talent there. I don’t work and I don’t contribute anything either :)
    Well done for going to your daughters, even though you don’t feel like it. You see you are stronger than you think.
    I may just get take away in for tea, I usually cook but I could do with a break tonight. x

  1172. Mark B Says:

    To add to this, I am doing the exact opposite of what I should be doing and spending all my spare time googling for answers which scare the living daylights out of me!! cheers

  1173. kelly Says:

    Mark b,

    anxiety sufferers minds are way more sensitised than someone without anxiety. So in your situation where as someone without anxiety would read what you read and had the same thought you did they would instantly go ‘what an odd thought for me to have’ then not worry about it and carry on with what they were doing. However with us we over analyse, so if a thought like that enters our mind instead of just brushing it off we then ask ourself why we had that thought then we obsess over it until we are satisfied we have an answer. Anxiety makes our mind latch onto even the silliest of things.

    We then worry over a new thought that has entered our mind thus keeping the cycle going. Whereas someone without sensitised nerves would have brushed the thought off and it would have left as quick as it come in.

    Hope that I’ve made sense there.

  1174. kelly Says:

    Mark b,

    Thoughts are just that… Thoughts. They can’t harm us. They can try to scare us but that is all according on our reaction to them.

    Everyone has good and bad thoughts, except us with anxiety react to the bad thoughts a lot more and a lot stronger than someone without anxiety would.

  1175. kelly Says:

    Jo,

    Matt came up to me just now and said he is proud of me. I asked why and he said for what I’ve done today. Playing with Theo(was playing hide and seek), took him for his haircut etc. He said it seemed like the old me had come back for a bit and that it was the happiest he had seen me in a long time.

    It was amazing to see Theo laughing so much. Matt said the reason for that was because I was playing games with him and also because he could see I was happy too.

    I must have really let myself go for a bit x

  1176. Jo Says:

    Kelly, that is great, see life can be good again. It may only be a snatch for now, but it shows it is there. Well done, I’m proud of you, and you are giving support to others too, which will make you feel good too. keep it up. xxx

  1177. kelly Says:

    Jo,

    Thanks. I’m just trying to keep my focus on other things other than my thoughts. I don’t think I even realised I was properly smiling and laughing when I was playing with Theo but that’s a good thing because it means I wasn’t watching myself constantly x

  1178. Shirley Dalley Says:

    Jo, What a shame the ‘A’ has popped up and the bad devil has jumped on your shoulder. but, the tables have turned and Kelly is helping you today. It’s lovely to read. Kelly, from two days ago you have come on leaps and bounds. What has made you feel good today? Getting down and playing with Theo and Matt has praised you. How good must that have made you feel. The positive side of life. Keep striving for it to be positive and you have proved that you are not concentrating on yourself and can do it. Well done. x

  1179. kelly Says:

    Shirley,

    I’m not sure really what changed today. I woke up feeling really rough and not wanting to do anything and then ended up doing quite a lot because I just done it I guess.

    I was sat down at one point on the sofa watching Theo playing quietly with some toys and just thought well why shouldn’t I play with him? I don’t care if I feel like crap inside I want to play together with him and it was so good to see him laugh so much. I’m getting fed up of just thinking about myself and being concerned with how I feel.

    It was so good to see him really happy and that made me happy knowing id made him laugh and smile etc. All the thoughts I had were still there but I was making a point of not paying too much attention to them. I don’t even think I realised how much fun I had. He is such a happy content boy and I should be making the most of it.

    I’m fed up of anxiety ruling me now. I want my control back and that’s the only way I am going to do it, by doing things anyway regardless of how I feel. I’m getting bored of sitting around dwelling on my thoughts and how I feel. If I can help someone else I will. I’m not going to let this bully win. X

  1180. Debbie Says:

    I’m feeling really worried as when I had the breakdown four years ago I was like I am now before I got to the worse bit, Ive been trying to think I’m only thinking like this cos I’m feeling bad I wasn’t thinking like that last week when I had a couple of Okish days.
    I can’t go through that again!

  1181. kelly Says:

    Debbie,

    You won’t go through it again. Don’t fight or analyse. Just let yourself feel how you feel for now. Your mind is automatically going back to the time you felt your worst and tricking you into thinking you will be like that again. Pay no attention to it, the last thing you want to do right now is worry about it cause as we all know that escalates things.

    Turn it into a positive thought instead. For example, instead of thinking I can’t do that again or can’t be like that again think no I won’t be like that again and you know what? Even if I am who cares because I was strong enough to come through it before and I will come through it again.

    Focus on the good days and the positive energy you felt in those rather than dwell on how bad you feel right now. You have the power to do this i promise you that x

  1182. Charlotte Says:

    Kelly, really happy to hear how well today went for you x

  1183. mm16 Says:

    Kelly , fantastic reply to debbie . xx

  1184. Jo Says:

    Kelly – you are definitely improving.Your posts are sounding much more positive now. x

    Debbie – I am feeling just the same at the moment, worried about ‘going back’ , and thinking I can’t go through it again.The memories of those bad times are so strong that we can’t let go of them easily, and anxiety gets hold of that and magnifies it. And Kelly is right, we came out of it before, we can do it again. BUT we are not going back there, it’s just anxiety playing tricks again. Believe me I know how hard it is, because I am feeling a bit trembly now, but I’m trying to ignore the fear of what happened yesterday, happening again. Somehow we have got to let go of the bad memories and start living in the now instead of the past. x

  1185. Debbie Says:

    Thanks for your replies and advice, Kelly you are sounding really good well done see you thought there was no hope but look at you now, this is what you have to remember when your having not such a good day, easier said than done as I knowf at the moment.
    Jo, when you’ve been there it’s hard to forget isn’t it cos it’s so bad your frightened of being there again, I feel it’s some of the problem exactly like you say in your post.
    I have too much time to think, as my hubby works I’m on my own all day, usually my daughter and grand daughter pop in but they haven’t this week so I’m home alone thinking, I plan things to do but don’t do them so I’m sitting on the settee wallowing.
    SO, in a minute I’m walking down the road to join weight watchers on my own! I’ve been before so know the routine and the leader so its not the unknown, but I thought it might give me something to focus on and you do get chatting to other people, then I will have my food to sort out and start getting out for walks with Ruby for exercise.
    Then I’m going to ring an old friend who I haven’t spoken to for over a year, I don’t feel like talking but thought I’d make an effort.
    Jo apart from feeling like me how do you feel this morning, symptom wise? x

  1186. Mark B Says:

    Thanks Kelly,

    Much appreciated.. It’s the googling these things in the 1st place that keeps the cycle going!! These obsessive thoughts appear to be like an OCD (again from googling) Does anyone know if Paul’s techniques cover OCD or it that something different? To me it appears to fit into the intrusive thoughts but it is very hard to accept or get out of my mind.. cheers

  1187. kelly Says:

    Hi,

    Thanks all. Debbie and jo, you both are very strong minded people. If you can get through what you went through before you can get through anything. Debbie, its hard sometimes isn’t it because there can be so much you want to do but feel like you can’t so we end up talking ourselves out of it and think well ill do it when im better and then that gives us too much free time to think.

    Anxiety is one hell of a thing and to be honest I don’t think people who haven’t been through it realise how hard it is. We are just very sensitive people but that’s not necassarily a bad thing.

  1188. claire Says:

    Good morning everyone..I am being accepting even of the most intolerable symptoms I think..was due to see my CBT therapist for the second time today and he’s cancelled on me.
    Logic whispers he is ill/busy whatever and anxiety screams he just don’t want to see me!But that is just probably negative thinking isn’t it?

  1189. Jo Says:

    Hi Debbie, It is so much worse when you are on your own, things seem more frightening, but of course there is nothing to fear really. It’s just our own thoughts. This is what we have got to get past. I don’t think those memories can ever completely leave us Debbie, we have just got to try and float past them as Claire Weekes would say.
    It’s not easy to get yourself up from that comfort zone, I know that only too well. Sometimes I have to talk myself into getting up just to go to the loo :) Sounds stupid doesn’t it? It just takes that bit extra effort to ‘do, don’t think’.
    I am not too bad this morning thanks,still got the jitters about yesterday’s episode but it’s fading now.Just been for a walk along the sea front into town as I needed the post office. Meggie has had a little companion with her, as we are looking after a friend’s dog for a few hours.
    Hope you manage to get to weight watchers, it will do you good, even if it doesn’t feel like it at the time. x

  1190. Jo Says:

    Kelly, you are seeing the way forward now and doing really well. It’s true that people who haven’t suffered this have no idea what it’s like, but then neither did we before we suffered it. That’s why some doctors and therapists can’t help, they don’t know what it’s like.

    Claire, don’t worry,I’ve had my CBT cancelled three times now and once they didn’t ring when they said they would, I had to ring them in the end only to be told the practitioner had had to go out!! Waste of time, and I’m not bothering with them anymore.

  1191. claire Says:

    Thanks Jo,
    I was looking forward to and expecting to be talking to someone today and it’s a bit disappointing.

  1192. kelly Says:

    Jo,

    I agree. Most medicals just read from a manual of what it is like. Until you go through it you don’t realise how much hell it is.
    I just realised the date and felt quite gutted. Gary numan was playing in Cardiff last week and I wanted to go see him, he is one of my favourite artists but I completely forgot.
    Just waiting for a train with Theo, going to go out to get fathers day cards for matt and for my dad so matt isn’t coming. Thought I may aswell go on train rather than take the car cause it works out cheaper x

  1193. Jo Says:

    Claire – come on here and talk to us instead.

    Kelly – I like trains and they are a lot less hassle than driving, Theo will enjoy it too.

  1194. kelly Says:

    Mark b,

    I think its the same as anything else. You have to acknowledge the thoughts are there but not pay too much attention to them. When the thought comes again just say to yourself ‘thats not true at all its just adrenaline getting a release’.

  1195. Jo Says:

    Claire, all I got from my practitioner was a phone call(when it wasn’t cancelled) to ask how I’d been and then compare my score from the last call.

  1196. kelly Says:

    Jo and Claire,

    I think anyone can learn cbt to be honest. There are plenty of books on it. Therapists are there to try and show you the right path aren’t they but ultimately it is only us who can make the choice to change.

    As Paul said he went from therapist to therapist without really getting anywhere and to be honest my ‘assessment’ with a councillor
    therapist type person didn’t go down too well so at the moment I don’t have a very high opinion of them. Anyone can listen x

  1197. claire Says:

    Thank you both,
    Just been for a walk.
    My doc referred me for CBT and I’m not taking med anymore.
    The blog and Paul’s book is all we need!x

  1198. Jo Says:

    Having a bad time again at the moment. My whole body is trembling and i feel sick and horrible. I keep getting a cold tingling down my left leg. Don’t know if this is still the anxiety or something else. x

  1199. Debbie Says:

    Claire, it’s very disappointing when you have got yourself mentally ready for it, I finished a course of CBT a couple of months ago it definitely makes you realise how the way you think can affect you, now when a situation crops up I am more aware of how I tackle it, I do think you have to be in a good place yourself, I was supposed to have twelve sessions, I only had ten cos my anxiety was so bad I actually spent more time crying, so I wasn’t in the right state of mind, but I had totally ‘got it’ so we both agreed it would be best to stop.
    I do find though it doesn’t come naturally to think the right way as I’ve thought the way I have for so long, my way is natural to me, I know a lot of my thinking is wrong so it’s not easy to change.
    Also one downfall I found was all the work books I had to get through, writing everything you do down etc, there was a lot of home work which made me more aware of my problems so this agrivated my anxiety which is why I felt worse at the time.
    But I can definitely see how it can help its just doing it, negativity is my middle name! x

  1200. kelly Says:

    Debbie,

    I can’t see how writing things down would help tbh. Its like you say it only makes you more aware of how you are and your anxiety worse. This is why I think cbt wouldn’t work for me. It seems like a lot of hard work which is added pressure and like paul says the best thing to do is do nothing. If he has done it that way and recovered along with others it must work x

  1201. Debbie Says:

    Well I made it to weight watchers! Had a little chat with a few people, stayed for the meeting and afterwards the leader went through it all with me, so I did so well and am very pleased with myself!
    After I popped to my daughters for a cuppa and her in laws brought back our grand daughter, so instead of fleeing like I usually would I stayed put and we all chatted for about 45 minutes, so I have done well today.
    Now I’m home I’m going to tidy up have lunch and read my weight watchers gumf and chill out while planning how to shed six stone! x

  1202. claire Says:

    Hi Debbie,
    I have been thinking the way I do for so long it is just an old habit now isn’t it,and they die hard!
    Since finding this site in Jan I have definitely not been as depressed about it though all other symptoms are still there I now only get sad out of frustration.
    I know it isn’t hopeless anymore which helps me stay positive – most of the time!
    Jo I get cold shivers all through me a lot so think it’s probably anxiety related.
    Kelly I just love your little boy’s name!

  1203. Shirley A.D. Says:

    It’s still me – I have just changed my sign in a bit. Have had a read through of the latest posts. Kelly I am passing a gold star to you. You deserve achiever of the week. You say it happened ‘just like that’ and that is how it can be – it appeared to be with me. Mind over matter. Looking at the positives instead of the negatives and thinking that they feel a whole lot better. Negative is cold – positive is warm and glowing.
    Jo, you say that being on your own is a real bad thing for you. I think we are all on our own in Anxiety – no matter if we live with someone. I know that I felt total isolation when I had mine – even though I had a caring partner. I was frightened to wake him in the night to say ‘help’. I would be crying inside with the terror of it all. Unless others have been through it who stand alongside you they can understand to a certain degree but not altogether. Anxiety is an isolator – it as someone said in a post above a bully and it threatens you not to tell. I thought that I would be carted off to the local mental unit if I continued to show everything that was going on inside me on the outside. I was a totally changed character. Gone was the calm caring smiley person I once was and in stepped a total wreck of a person, wringing hands, head banging (at one point) to make it go away, mind chattering twenty to the dozen and all rationality gone. Anxiety manifests in all sorts of things. I had urticaria – that was horrid. Hives of hot lumps all over my body. I often wished i’d kept the pics but as soon as the anxiety went and I was back to me I didn’t want to be reminded of it, that was why I cut away from this website – it was my lifeline for so long and at some point I had to say goodbye. But as someone wrote above, this is the place to be. You can come on here and see the various progresses made. I wouldn’t recommend any other book other than Paul’s because it worked for me.
    Mark B. It is as you say, googling the symptoms that gets to you, makes matters worse and when I stumbled upon this website in 2006 – the relief – oh the relief. It is a self help group of very friendly people. No one is trying to persuade you to buy lotions or potions that will never help at all. Making a fast buck through someone else’s misfortune. Stick with the nice people on here and you will be far better off than trying to solve it yourself.

  1204. Jo Says:

    Debbie, really well done, I am so proud of you. Wish I could say the same for myself. Haven’t even been able to go out with the dogs I feel so weak and sick. I have such a knot in my chest and feel sort of weak right across from should to shoulder. I have tried the deep breathing but it doesn’t seem to be relaxing me. Just trying to ride it out, but I am so fed up of these feelings. x

  1205. Debbie Says:

    Jo, sorry to hear your not having a good time of it, there’s nothing you can do but to ride it out, would it help if you occupied your mind by say making a card or reading a book maybe? Dont know about you but i cant concentrate on anything, keep feeling cold to.
    I’m really fed up with it to I know how you feel, I feel awful this afternoon can’t focus on anything keep getting pins and needle feelings in my arms I want to go to sleep but I can’t cos my minds going it, just want to cry, so much for the meds working?
    I don’t feel as though I’m here! x

  1206. Jo Says:

    We are both struggling then Debbie, and you did so well this morning. I can’t do anything when I’m like this, haven’t had anything to eat either. I don’t like going to sleep when I feel this way, I just feel worse when I wake up. I am on the settee, I just feel too weak to do anything. And yes I have the ‘not here’ feeling too. It is worse for you being on your own. What time does hubby get in? x

  1207. kelly Says:

    Claire,

    Thanks. Took me ages to find an unusual name that I liked. It means ‘gift of god’.

  1208. kelly Says:

    Jo,

    I wrote a message to you earlier then my battery died half way through at the train station.

    I have had so many symptoms over the past few months and had all sorts of tests but nothing showed up. It was that bad at one point they suspected ms or some other neurological disease so had to have brain MRI and lumber puncture. No cause has been found for my symptoms and I have had very similar to you. My usual health visitor has just been to see me. X

  1209. Jo Says:

    Hi Kelly – how did you get on with your shopping, and your health visitor?
    Feeling a little bit better now, I think it’s just the anxiety, sometimes it just overwhelms me, and like Debbie I dread going back to that other black hole we have both been in.
    I also like your son’s name. x

  1210. kelly Says:

    Hi jo,

    Glad your feeling a bit better now. Shopping was ok, got cards and a few bits with dad on for matt and my father. Felt pretty anxious but done it anyway. Then me and Theo went into wetherspoons for something to eat before coming home.

    My health visitor was shocked. Couldn’t believe the difference in me, how quiet and unhappy I am compared to when she seen me last. She doesn’t seem to think it is post natal depression but is quite concerned because she said ‘this is not you at all’. She is going to ring the doctor and see what they can come up with. I did say its only me that can get myself out of this and she said you can’t do this yourself its gone too far. I said I feel guilty being like this because of Theo too and she did praise me up with Theo saying he has come along so well, can’t believe how big he is and that he is how he is because I done all the hard work breastfeeding him for the first 9 months exclusively. She said that is hard work and I should be proud I have done that.

    She just can’t understand what the issues are I guess and said if it was pnd it would have developed a lot sooner. She definitely thinks it is ‘some kind of depression’ that was her words. To be honest I don’t think there is going to be much help from them x

  1211. kelly Says:

    Jo,

    Matt spoke to her on the phone while I was out and he has just told me that he mentioned to her about me reading books and coming on the blog and apparently she said ‘what the hell is she doing that for?’. Charming x

  1212. Debbie Says:

    Jo, my hubby gets home at about 5.15 so a long day when you feel alone and frightened, it’s so strange that you can change so quickly. When I feel really bad my neck and chest go bright red, Ive just been laying on the settee with my eyes closed it feels better, the dog went out the cat flap and the clatter sent my nerves jangling!

    Kelly I found the medical profession never like you getting help from books etc, don’t know why cos usually they don’t help so that’s why you have to look elsewhere! If they took the time to help and not pass the buck we would all feel a bit more positive about them! x

  1213. Jo Says:

    Kelly – it’s a shame she has that attitude, not a great help is it ? I had a very good health visitor, she even took me out a couple of times to help me. The medical profession sometimes just don’t come up to scratch.

    Debbie – Won’t be long now then, I would have great difficulty being on my own, so you are doing really well. My nerves are a bit like that too. As you say it is very strange how we can change so quickly, that’s why I often wonder if it is something to do with brain chemicals. Has anyone suggested that to you?

  1214. Debbie Says:

    Yes the mental health psychiatrist said it was, that’s what the anti depressants are for to balance it back out well supposed to anyway, I found four years ago that once I had settled on the meds I was back on an even keel, but it took a while and of course having to help myself as well, it’s not working so quick this time tho. Hubby’s home! x

  1215. Jo Says:

    That is what my doctor tole me, that it is a serotonin imbalance, which is what is worrying me now. If it’s that then I’m not going to get well again without anti deps and I really don’t want them. The doctor I had was very good but the one I see now doesn’t give me any confidence. Glad you have hubby with you now. x

  1216. kelly Says:

    Jo,

    I know. Had a phonecall off her earlier to say try the tabs for another 2-3 weeks then discuss with doc about whether to change them. She did say Annette the other one is still going to come see me Tuesday. So yeah didn’t really make a lot of difference seeing her to be honest.

    Also with the serotonin imbalance the body must be able to write itself somehow because it got that way itself. Its a shift in brain chemistry and I do believe that must be able to happen without meds if it got that way without meds. Does that make sense? I know im rambling.

    Took Theo up to see my mum and dad for a bit. I always seem a bit more relaxed when my dad is about.

    How are you feeling now? X

  1217. kelly Says:

    Debbie,

    Sorry only just noticed your comment. I know what you mean, Sarah(the health visitor) said do you think councilling will help? I was saying well probably not because I don’t want to spend time trying to find some ‘underlying problem’ which I know is what they will try and do.

    Anyway how are you this evening? X

  1218. Jo Says:

    Hi Kelly – not too bad just now thank you. Managed to eat a veggie sos roll anyway, but appetite is down in the doldrums again.
    Hope you get more sense from the ext health visitor. x

  1219. kelly Says:

    Jo,

    Glad your a bit better now. I didn’t eat this morning before going out and as I said was pretty anxious when out shopping but did feel a bit more relaxed after having a burger and chips in wetherspoons. Going to have some homemade spag bol in a bit after I’ve got Theo to sleep. Then maybe watch a film called gullivers travels with matt, not seen it before and its got my fave actor jack black in it :)

    I hope the other one will be a bit more helpful too. I thought you could have pni up to two years after birth? According to her no. More conflicting advice.

    My appetite has been like yours the last few days, usually matt making sure I eat something. Can’t really afford to lose any weight, my mum had a bit of a dig at me the other day saying my arms too thin etc. I’m about 9st but a lot of people say I look more 7-7 and a half stone and im pale anyway so its a recipe for disaster me not eating. Easier said than done sometimes though when you feel so crap with anxiety isn’t it? X

  1220. Debbie Says:

    Hi Kelly I feel a lot better now thankyou, but always do in the evenings it’s knowing the day is nearly over I think.

    Jo when I was bad four years ago they said it was a chemical imbalance and different doctors this time have said it too, I don’t know if it’s true I can only hear what they say but when you have no reason to be like we are you do wonder if it’s true, I’ve always had bad spells all my life so there’s obviously something not right somewhere, it seems to have got worse though, my own thoughts on the reason is I had post natel depression but they never bothered about it back then not like they do now, I just got on with it so gradually it’s got worse.
    I had a panic attack 25 years ago (first one) in tescos so then I avoided the shops then social events and it grew arms and legs, I got depressed and exhausted, then a nasty divorce, still had the stiff upper lip although I had been on and off meds then it came to a head four years ago a total breakdown, took about two years to recover, but still avoiding things till a year ago when a few traumas triggered it all off again so that’s about it here I am again!
    Seems as though my whole life has been a struggle really! x

  1221. kelly Says:

    Debbie,

    Glad to hear your a bit better now. Gosh it sounds like you have really been through the mill but look how strong you still are regardless. You will get through this too, if you have gone through all that and come out this strong then you can defeat this and be even stronger again.

    As the saying goes ‘you have to feel true sadness to feel true happiness’ and I think that’s right. X

  1222. Sophia Says:

    Hi Shirley A D

    I would like to ask you something…after going through the horrifying journey till the end and coming out of it, do u feel that u r a changed person from whom u were initially even before u got into this?
    Do u feel that u had evolved into a much stronger, rational person than before and that u feel now that u have a purpose in life..?

    I m on my recovery journey…feels I am evolving a lot or is it just another bunch of thoughts..I feel like its my peace of mind and purpose of life which is more important than anything else in the world as I was a person who had thought that i had failed myself …but now I seem to feel an inner strength which pulls me towards truth and clarity of conscience..

  1223. Will Says:

    My anxiety seems to have made me more sensitive to things lately, and it’s starting to annoy me. For example, if I see something even slightly disturbing (something that never used to bother me before), it’s as if my mind’s saying “this is considered disturbing, so I should be disturbed” and I get a jolt of anxiety in my chest. Sometimes I get a charge of adrenaline to go with it, sometimes I feel lightheaded, but for the most part I always get a lurch in my chest whenever I see anything even vaguely anxiety-provoking. And I think “Woah, OK, shouldn’t have seen that.”
    I don’t know whether it’s just the anxiety talking, or if my level of tolerance really is lowered by my nerves. As I said, the main reaction to most things is a sudden lurch in my chest, so it’s probably anxiety. But everytime it happens, I can’t help but wonder.

  1224. Will Says:

    My fear of fainting might also be involved, seeing as people in the movies always faint at sensitive things, and that fear might be causing it.

  1225. kelly Says:

    Jo and Debbie,

    Hope your both feeling a bit better today. Thinking of you xx

  1226. Debbie Says:

    Kelly, I’m ok thanks, felt awful when I went round to pick my grand daughter Olivia up, as we walked back I had jelly legs and my head felt heavy I felt very frightened but I thought I know what it is so why am I frightened, so we came in done some colouring made a chocolate sponge and pottered in the garden, she’s only two so she keeps you on your toes, I feel better now than I did so obviously does help if you are keep busy.
    How are you today? x

  1227. kelly Says:

    Debbie,

    So glad your better today. Keeping busy definitely does help. I’m not too bad thanks at the moment. Watched a film in bed last night with matt with some chocolates and was quite relaxed. Matt made us a cooked breakfast this morning so that was nice. Not had one in a while. Just off to take my brother food shopping now. Matt and Theo coming too.

    Olivia is a gorgeous name. If I had a girl I was going to name her Angel Rose. They definitely do keep you on your toes. Theo is 15 months old and into everything, always on the go :) xx

  1228. kelly Says:

    Quiet on here today, where did everyone go? :-) xx

  1229. bill ramshaw Says:

    Hi all,does anyone get high anxiety without a racing heart.I got pretty anxious this afternoon in my sisters car,started the breathing but took quite a while to calm down,when we stopped i was so light headed i didn’t feel as if i could walk.My heart was only beating at about 65 per min .I came off beta blockers 10 days ago and my blood pressure is good.I just assumed with anxiety you got a racing heart,help.thanks

  1230. Jo Says:

    Hi Kelly. I am ok thanks, had a better day today. Sounds like you have had quite a nice time. I am trying the ‘staying away from the blog’ again for a bit, so don’t worry if I am not about. Just think I spend too much time on here. Hope everyone is ok, x

  1231. Shirley A.D. Says:

    Sophia, Apologies for being slow on answering your question. Have just got in from work and read it. I don’t think I have altered that much since coming through the anxiety. Nothing seemed to phase me before the anxiety and it wasn’t me that did it to myself – it was others and listening to others that took me to the bottom – which made me feel worthless. ‘they’ have a lot to answer to. So, I suppose when I came through to the other side it was like rediscovering myself again. So, yes, I have gained more rational thought and also a great deal of strength from the situation. My confidence came back in bucket loads too.

  1232. DCYL Says:

    Will,

    It’s definitely anxiety. There are things that we could read (or see) when we are normal and we would react relatively passively. When we are a little anxious though, it FREAKS us out. I definitely went through that last year. Fortunately, things are better now.

    In time, you will get better but try not to add more fear to your reactions. It is scary initially but will be better as you relearn not be scared.

  1233. Jo Says:

    PAUL – Did you have a problem with early waking, and if so how did you cope with it? I am awake every morning between 4 and 5 am and can’t get back to sleep. It is too early to get up, and so the anxiety builds till I’m feeling sick by 6am. I don’t want to take sleeping pills as I have such a bad time with drugs. Most of my day is then spent feeling groggy and tired, and by 9pm I am usually asleep. I try my hardest to stay awake longer but evenings are when I feel relaxed and so I can’t help but nod off. Thanks x

  1234. Debbie Says:

    Will, I agree with DCYL I find things affect me more, in an old post I remember saying that I saw a dead hedgehog in the road normally I would think poor thing didn’t make it home, but when I’m like I am at the moment it stays with me all day, it grows arms and legs to cos I start adding to it.
    Also noise affects me more to, like a couple of days ago on a particularly bad afternoon I was sitting on the settee doing my crafts and my dog went out the cat lap, the noise it made nearly sent my nerves sky high after I felt shakey, if my grand daughter is having a paddy it does the same, I feel as thought I’ve put my finger in a plug socket!
    When I recovered last time I did a lot of things I avoided before so that was why I was shocked when I had this setback, can’t wait to get back to it!

    Have a good day everyone x

  1235. Doreen Says:

    Hi all – back from Italy where the sun actually shone!! Couple of comments – did have the anxiety in the background some of the time but still glad I went particularly when I look at the photos and see how beautiful it was.
    Jo – When I add up how long you sleep you do seem to actually get 8 hours. I know waking early is a pain, it happens to me most days and I have often been unable to get to sleep until about 12.30am. Maybe it you could resist going to sleep at 9pm or alternatively think that your sleeping pattern ‘is how it is’ and not let it bother you so much. Easier said that done I know. Sleep is still my biggest problem (or lack of it)

  1236. Jo Says:

    Hi Doreen, pleased to see you back. You have done so well to go abroad, it was bad enough for me getting to London and York, no way could I have got on a plane. Well done!
    It is not the hours of sleep I am getting that is the problem, but waking so early. Lying awake for 2/3 hours is driving me to distraction. All sorts of stuff goes round and round in my head until I can’t stand it any longer, I think that is what starts the vomitting – the constant fear. I do try not to go to sleep early but I just can’t keep my eyes open, it’s a vicious circle. x

  1237. Lesley Says:

    This setback malarky really sucks! X

  1238. Debbie Says:

    Hi Doreen glad you had a good time, well done your so brave!

    I can’t believe I’ve just been to Asda lunch time on a Friday for my first attempt at getting the shopping on my own, and I DID IT,
    I’m sitting here having a laugh at myself cos I put my things on the checkout and there were two people behind me, I kept thinking shall I take it all off and say I forgot something, my hands were shaking when I handed the money over, I felt so conscious of them, as she put it through I just concentrated on packing but I literally threw it in the bag, so funny! (can laugh now!) I’m so chuffed as it wasn’t a couple of bits it was quite a lot, so Monday I shall go again.
    Sorry if I’ve gone on but I just wanted to tell you I’ve done it I’m so excited! x

  1239. Rachel A Says:

    Hi all

    Found this lovely quote and thought I would post it on here for those of us that need a little cheering up :-)

    “We each have our own battles. Many will push us, stretch us, and compel us to question just how much we can take.
    We may find ourselves feeling hopeless or resigned, and we may wonder if there will ever be a light at the end of the tunnel.
    That’s when we need to realize the brightest light is within us.

    We are the ones who can save us. We are our own rescue mission.

    We may not have all the answers. And we may need help and support along the way. But ultimately, when we’re feeling stuck, we’re the ones that need to hold on, push through, and make our way to the other side.
    We’ll inevitably face challenges in life. The best defense is believing that we are strong, we will survive, and we will be better for it.

    Have a good day everyone. I am off to see the Olympic torch pass through Newcastle, it’s pouring rain but so what eh!

    Xx

  1240. kelly Says:

    Well done Debbie. See you can do it x

  1241. Mark R Says:

    Leslie, I second that! I have been in this setback for almost 2 months now.

    I’ve not let it stop me doing anything though. I went around for a while thinking I was recovered. I’ve got to keep pushing on through to ultimate recovery.

  1242. Will Says:

    DCYL – Thanks for replying. I know deep down that it’s anxiety, but whenever it happens it’s like a new experience; every time I get that lurch, I wonder if it’s the anxiety sparking up again or not. When I see something slightly weird, I don’t pay that much attention at first, then it’s as if my mind goes “oh wait a minute, that was disturbing” and the anxiety kicks in. Yeah, I’m sure it’s not being disturbed for real. Like once when there was a really disturbing news story I was trying to avoid and I was suddenly greeted with a really graphic horrible image of it; I reacted instantly to that.

    Debbie – Thanks for replying. That’s exactly it – the thoughts sticks with me. The more you think about it, the worse it gets I suppose. Funny that you had that thought about the hedgehog, because I’m always like that: I can never help but think TOO much about something like that. It’s why I can never kill spiders, although I hate them. :)

  1243. Gary Says:

    Hi Everyone,
    well just got back home after a weeks holiday in the lake district, and you know what we had a great time, yes the anxiety was there in the background at times but it was peaceful and beautiful and me lloyd and the dogs had a great time!! saw lots of places but i must admit its nice to be home we have another week off so a nice chill week doing what we want before we both go back to work.
    lloyd my partner has been fantastic not just now but since this all began a year ago we have been together for 11 years and even though at times he cannot take away the scary feelings i have sometimes, just being him and letting me be me is all i need
    i was reading some of the last posts and at the end of the day the only person who can help is ourselves but thank god most of us have loving partners and friends who are there for us when we need it, it doesn’t matter what we do ive been a nurse for 24 years and if someone had said to me what was going to happen to me over the last year i would have laughed at them i wouldn’t have thought it possible and being in the medical profession probably made it worse as im so used to helping others and there i was terrified, and even though lloyd was a nurse he couldn’t help me he was just there for me and thats all he or anyone can do, anxiety is the scariest thing ive ever known but when i get through this i know i will be a better person for it im 90% there i know im not alone best wishes to everyone

  1244. Jodee Says:

    Hello Everyone. I do enjoy reading updates from how you are all doing. Anxiety is a hard thing but we can all get through it together. I have found that slowly over time the anxiety has less and less control over me, there are days i feel back to square one but i try not to dwell on those days and know that soon enough a better day will come. Ive been working full time and find myself tired at nights but I am not worrying about it anymore like I used too, just try to live by the motto of just doing, stop thinking, If I go out and do whatever I need to get done most times it’s not as bad as I would ” think” it was going to be. its the fear of something happening that slows us down the most, usually nothing actually happens! I keep trying to remember that and just live my life! Keeping busy definately helps. As hard as it is for me to be at work, i know for me i’d be worse off at home alone with my thoughts! Good luck to you all in your recoveries.

  1245. Debby Says:

    Hi everyone, does anyone suffer with backpain and neckpain was leaning over my son’s cot and pulled something but that was nearly six months ago and everytime i get pain i get an over whelming feeling of fear and panic. I’ve suffered with dizziness for couple of years quite bad up until this happened with my back. What started all this anxiety was i suffered a tragic loss four years ago and wonder if i’ve been so tense for all this time it feels worse when i get stressed which is quite often its the not knowing if its anxiety symptom or just bad back:-(

  1246. Jerry Says:

    I haven’t been on here in a while but its nice to see that people still find ecouragement on here, just as I did. I would say that I am 90% recovered, but have a minor set back today… I’ve had frequent headaches and aches in my head for over month now and finally got my doctor to OK a CT-scan. The procedure is being done today. Many of you know what its like to think of the possibility of a brain tumor or something drastic like that… Thats where I am. So, although most of my anxiety is gone, there is still a slight bump in the road. Hopefully with clarity of whats going on in my head or rather, with my head, I will progress forward. Hoping for a good result!

    PS. Recovery takes TIME… takes failure… takes tears… but in the end, recovery is one of the sweetest things you’ll ever taste.

  1247. Lesley Says:

    Mark R, snap mines almost two months to, all triggered by a routine nurse app telling me my Bp was high so corse my mind n worry has just spiralled like we all know it does and after a year of almost anxiety free part from the odd blip I now find myself back to square one (which deep down I know I’m not really at square one) just feels pretty poo! Funny how we can all give advice but to put our own words into practice just ain’t happening lol I know where I’m goin wrong n if it was anyone else I would say “stop trying, your tryin to much and your trying to scramble your way back to how you were etc etc etc” I know it all but why can’t I just do it, go along with it, so frustrating.
    I to have never let anxiety stop me and I’ve had it four yrs, I’m a stronger person than this anxiety twoddle lol as long as we all don’t start battling with it and start fighting against it mind you, off to kos in a few weeks relaxation n fun heading my way!!! X

  1248. Lesley Says:

    That’s suppose to be “stop fighting against it” whoops x

  1249. Mark R Says:

    Hi Lesley,

    Mine has been just over two years really but had a year where the anxiety was in the background and I didnt care about it too much. I like you had days where it was back but they were very few and far between and they seemed to pass very quickly.

    A couple of months back all the symptoms seemed to return with a vengeance and I thought I was back to square one. I think the difference between a setback and illness is in setback you go through all the same motions but at a quicker rate and then get to a higher plain than before. So maybe its a blessing in disguise eh?

  1250. Mark R Says:

    Ironically just before setback I was just about to do a post on here to let people know how well I was doing and I was almost recovered – around 90%.

    Claire Weekes covers setback very well. She says if some sensitisation lingers – like in our case memory will do its part to ensure that ‘it’ returns from time to time. We must give setback as much time as necessary.

    Its very difficult especially as I suffer quite badly from DP. Some days I dont even want to get out of bed. Over the last 2 months though I have tried to stick to a routine and not let it get me.

  1251. Shirley A.D. Says:

    Gary, Nice to see more positive results. As you have said – in the end it is only ourselves who can help ourselves. We can beg other people for help but they can’t alter your perception of what you are feeling, you have to tackle it another way. It is a shame that folks who have recovered don’t come back on here too often – but I know that once rid of the anxiety that crutch ( this website) gets forgotten, it’s not selfishness – it’s just moving on.
    Jerry, good that you too have brought words of encouragement. I agree 100% that once you have the results of the CT scan you will be able to climb that extra step out of the anxiety.
    Jo, you are so lucky that you sleep at all – it amazes me when I hear that people are relaxed enough to be able to sleep – positive comment. When i was in the throws my eyes were permanently glued open and when I did close them and perhaps settle – my waking times would be 3.33, 4.44. 5.55. the obsession to look at the clock and knowing what I was going to see was freaky! You have been such a support to other people, like I said in a previous post you have to have highs and lows in all walks of life to see the nice view at the end of the walk.

  1252. Ashley Says:

    Having a bit of a bummed day. I feel tired. I’m tired of feeling the anxiety. Most of my symptoms are pretty mild for a while now, but 2-3 days of slight upset stomach is annoying, or then it jumps to a brief tingling in the body or a headache. I miss being able to be relaxed and rested. Lately I feel the only way to really get to feel normal is to stay active, busy or exercise. Which hey, it really is great, but if I sit down for a bit to enjoy a movie, then more often then not the anxiety settles in or I feel off when I get up and move around. Sorry it’s not a very positive post, but I’m feeling pretty out of it today. Plus, a coworker was feeling sick the other night and it got me a little nervous that I may get sick from him since I’m not sure how feeling sick is going to interact with the anxiety stuff? In so many ways I feel like I’m almost there, like the anxiety is clutching to me with the tips of its fingers, but the claws have it anchored just enough to linger and bother me.

    Full recovery truly is possible, right? Because everywhere else I look it’s proving to be forever for people…

    Sorry folks…

  1253. Jo Says:

    Morning all – Been having a few rough days and not had anything constructive to say, but a bit better this morning.
    Gary – so pleased you have had a good week, that’s encouraging news. My Ben always says he feels helpless because he can’t do anything for me, so I told him what you said about Lloyd and I it made him feel better.

    Doreen – I do that with the clock.I keep telling myself not to but I don’t listen!
    I am pleased I can sleep part of the night because I am too tense to sleep in the day, so I would be shattered.

    Haven’t seen mm16 and Charlotte for a bit, how you are both ok, if you are there reading but not posting.

  1254. Debbie Says:

    Ashley.. We all know how you feel, a lot of people have recovered so it is possible if you let it happen, it just takes time but we get a bit impatient don’t we as we want to be rid of all these horrible feelings NOW, it’s not going to happen!
    Don’t pay it any attention and live your life how you want it to be, that’s what Paul says! Some people like myself find it hard to do but I do believe you have to ‘go with it’ enjoy the good days and don’t dwell on the bad!
    Have a good day x

  1255. Debbie Says:

    Jo glad your feeling better this morning must be a relief, hopefully the start of a good spell then! x

  1256. kelly Says:

    Ashley,

    I think its always much worse when your not busy. When your sat watching your movie your mind is more likely to drift off and think about things, however this is an habit and it can be reversed. What I find helps is to bring yourself back to the present moment.

  1257. Jo Says:

    Hi Debbie, Just having a rest after the walk. It was windy and that makes walking on the sand even harder work. I felt exhausted when we got back. How are you/

    Hello Kelly. how are you doing now/

    I think this thing takes a long time to get over because we just can’t forget the awful feelings it brings with it. Especially if you have had a really hard time. It’s imprinted in our minds and we just can’t seem to let go of it. I’m not saying it will never go away, because I know from experience that it will, but we are aware of it lurking there in the background for such a long time. Good times seem to disappear from our minds a lot quicker than bad ones do.

  1258. Debbie Says:

    Jo I’m fine thanks. We have just been to see my mum and dad, it’s so annoying how little things can trigger you off, my parents always have the windows closed and doors so even though they have a huge lounge it gets very warm, they have a massive window with the sun on it, so I’m getting hotter and hotter then that makes me think I’m feeling anxious, my mind starts going it so I spend the whole time there ‘thinking’ it ruins it I keep looking at the clock thinking we can’t go yet we’ve only been here for hour an hour!
    This sort of thing is what makes me fed up then I beat myself up about it and then the whole it’s never going to end, all the doom and gloom starts, it’s hard to accept! x

  1259. Jo Says:

    Hi Debbie, we are a funny lot aren’t we? The little things that can set us going. I have been making the basics of three cards, but I have a headache and feel a bit sick so have packed in for a bit. Feel a bit ‘wibbly’ too if you know what I mean. I’m not even sure if the tum aches and sickness is anything to do with anxiety any more. On a more positive note I did have a better night. I had a bath before bed and then got my old walkman out with a relaxing tape in it and settled down in bed listening to that before going to sleep. I still woke at 3am but drifted off again before waking at 5, had a bit of anxious thinking but managed to stay till about 7.30. Bit of an improvement anyway.

    Don’t let that little episode upset you, it’s over now and you know why it happened. Look how well you have been doing. x

  1260. Gary Says:

    Hi everyone,
    Hard day today, only lost my dad in feb so his first away from home, been to the cremarorium with some roses but i just miss him so much, had mam over this morning for a few hugs we both needed them, back home had a bath and going to try and relax now and watch a dvd with lloyd and the dogs
    JO – thinking of you hope the sleeping starts to improve but don’t beat yourself up if it doesnt i went through this a year ago and it is horrible having your sleeping pattern broken but you will get there take care x

  1261. Shirley A.D. Says:

    You cannot rush full recovery. The minute you start thinking about rushing it will only make you concentrate on the anxiety again. so back to square one. The more you allow your mind to drift past the anxiety and on to other things,that is the road to improvement. i would often say ‘I wish this thing would go away’ but I was paying homage to this ‘thing’ by even giving it a thought. You won’t just wake up and it will be gone, there might be a minute or two when it pops back testing you but as the gap widens between episodes you will see improvement. I couldn’t let go of it properly for a while because I would wake up and think (oh where has that symptom gone?) and as soon as you thought about it it returned. Ignore it and you rise above it. You can’t wish it away either. I liken it to having one eye open and the other closed. your open eye is keeping an eye on the symptoms, you need to close both eyes for the release. I was lucky that my symptoms didn’t hang around too long but it was only concentrating on other things that made me drift away from that anchor. along a motorway for example – choose a car colour and count how many there are in that stretch of the road, don’t think I am doing this because I have anxiety and I must concentrate on something else. Allow your mind to keep looking that little further ahead all the time waiting for the next car of that colour to appear. It’s almost child like but it retraining your brain to be inquisitive instead of being in terror.

  1262. Jo Says:

    Shirley – great post, thanks for that x

    Gary – My Mum died last September but it is still very fresh in my mind, so I know how you must be feeling, especially today. Thanks for your help, and enjoy your dvd x

  1263. kelly Says:

    Jo, are you feeling any better now? x

  1264. Doreen Says:

    Hi Jo – it was actually Shirley who commented upon ‘clock watching’ but I know that one as well. Hope we both sleep well tonight.

  1265. ginger797 Says:

    SHIRLEY..everytime a have a little peek on here which im trying not to do anymore,i have a question in my head and i see your post and it answers all my questions…thanks for your posts they are fantastic:):):)

  1266. natalie Says:

    hi guys

    not been on for a while so many of you probably don’t recognise me and i have read some of the posts and can see lots of new names on here, it seems we are not alone and maybe this is more common than we believe as when it is happening to you its easy to believe you are alone. Shirley your comments are so supportive and easy to read in that it seems easier to take on board your comments and try to impliment them. I have been on an up and down road think mainly because of on going stress in my relationship with my husband, we are on then off then on again. I have come to the conclusion that maybe we are better apart and we have been separated for 6 weeks now, but recently he has said he wants to try and make a go seemed like we were getting somewhere then out of the blue he says ( on going issue) he doesn’t find me attractive he loves me but i need to make more effort in my appearance and that is down to me, am i wrong to think after 19 years this is a tad superficial and maybe if i didn’t suffer an overactive mind i would dismiss the thought but it cuts deep and hurts and i have now said its over as i cannot seem to get past his words. then i worry that maybe i am blowing things up that maybe i should make more effort but i think i do ?? so confused at the moment and it is not helping my anxiety. Just keep crying all the time, if anyone can let me know their thoughts.. for me i feel like i am being controlled and after everything i have experienced am i wrong to want more support and less negativity ?? xx ps sorry to be sounding so sorry for myself i know that is not good but just having a bad day today xx

  1267. Doreen Says:

    Natalie – anyone would feel churned up about what was said to you especially as it is in the context of a turbulent time in your relationship with him. It is not my place to advise on the relationship itself but to just say that your anxiety is very understandable, you are terribly stressed and I really would suggest that you get some counselling. There are really difficult things going on on your life and you need some space just to let go of the hurt and distress.

  1268. Debbie Says:

    Hi Natalie. Sounds like you know the answer yourself about your relationship!
    It’s bound to have an affect on your anxiety, Ive been through similar with my first marriage, we struggled for a year or two and it made me very low, then when it ended and we divorced I bounced back to my old self, he ended it in the end as he had been having an affair, he was 35 she was 22, we had three daughters and been married for 16 years, so you can imagine how I felt, he took all the money out the account and set up home down the road from me.
    I sat in the chair everyday in my dressing gown after seeing the girls off to school staring into space crying for about two weeks, then I thought enough! So I got over a period of 4 months 3 cleaning jobs and lost loads of weight and had a fantastic year on my own, I had the house put in my name and was divorced in 6months.
    At the time I thought it was the end of the world and nobody would want me cos I had 3 children, but a year on I met my husband now and he is fantastic, he’s my best friend too.
    So, sometimes you have to leave the dead wood and move on! My confidence soared and I knew then that I could do anything I wanted, I paid my bills, brought my girls up and had fun and looking back I wish I had done it earlier! x

  1269. Doreen Says:

    By the way – there is a report in today’s news that a committee looking at mental health provision in the NHS has concluded that it is diabolical. Almost half under 65’s who go to their GP are seeking help with anxiety/depression and the resources to help them are minimal compared to physical ailments. I really hope that the report is taken seriously.

  1270. Jo Says:

    Oops sorry Doreen, I sometimes get my posts mixed up! We saw that report too about the NHS, and didn’t all of us on here know that anyway. Funnily I had just said yesterday that I felt like sending a letter to the Health Secretary or somebody to complain about the lack of PROPER help for mental health sufferers.

    Kelly – I am feeling a bit better thanks, more or less back to how I was before the bad spell. You ok?

    Debbie – you have been through it, and you are being very supportive and positive in your advice to Natalie. You should feel proud of yourself.

  1271. Christine Says:

    Hi All,

    hope you’re well! I’ve been doing OK and getting on with things but seem to have been having a bit of a setback for the last couple of days. Last night I couldn’t get to sleep and started to freak myself out that I’m going to go backwards, then this morning I felt rubbish and when I left the house for work I completely forgot which way I needed to go which gave me a bit of a panic. I remembered after a couple of seconds and I know I’m probably being hard on myself because we have only just moved but it freaked me out! Does anyone else find that they are a bit absent minded sometimes?

    Also I gradually weaned myself off the beta blockers and completely stopped them last week and now and again I wake up feeling tingly and weird – could this be a withdrawal or just still the anxiety creeping back up on me?

    Apart from this I’m doing OK I still get the racing thoughts but try to let them be but it just seems to be the last couple of days and could do with some advice/guidance?

    Hope everyone is having a nice day and enjoying the sunshine!

    XX

  1272. Debbie Says:

    Hi Christine sounds as though you are doing great, focus on all the positive things you do like going to work that is such a good thing, I had to leave work cos of anxiety and would do anything to have my job, so it’s not to be taken lightly you know.
    From the sounds of it you have just moved so your bound to feel a little unsettled in your new home and forget your bearings, anxiety does make you a bit scatty, I’m scatty but like to blame it on the fact I’m 50! It’s a bit of both really I think.
    Plus you have come off beta blockers to which is another biggy, so you have lots going on haven’t you?
    Don’t dwell on the ‘old feelings’ I know it’s hard cos I worry to, but the more you do worry the worse you will make it, so let them be there but put your mind onto something else, I find concentrating on my hobbies definitely helps, it’s not till sometime later I realise I’ve not had any of the old thoughts.
    You really are doing great you know! x

  1273. Debbie Says:

    Well, another food trip under my belt, Morrisons was so much better than Asdas! Didn’t have the shakes at the checkout so I’m really pleased with myself, it was a lot quieter and the check outs were more roomy so that definitely helped!
    Sorry so chuffed I just wanted to share it silly I know but I haven’t been able to go shopping alone for 25 years! x

  1274. Doreen Says:

    Wow Debbie – VERY well done. Hope you feel good about yourself

  1275. Christine Says:

    Thanks Debbie – think reassurance helps sometimes! :) You’re doing great too! Well done on your shopping trip! xx

  1276. kelly Says:

    Debbie – you seem to be improving a hell of a lot in these last couple of weeks. Well done. Especially on the shopping that must be a big achievement for you and you did it, congrats.

    Jo – glad your a bit better now after the bad spell. I have been a bit up and down to be honest but focusing on other things as much as I can, my mind does refer back to me countless times but that’s ok for the time being, its a habit and im not giving it too much attention.

    X