Well as promised here is the post I promised, again the last few weeks have been a bit all over the place with the post on the run and the film/song. Today we go back to advice which starts below.
I actually got the idea for the post when I was on holiday last week as I was sat outside in the sun having a bottle of cider and looking at the great view. It was then I remembered a holiday I had when I sufferered many years ago and spent it all trying to feel better.
It started off with, ‘The holiday will make me feel better’
‘I will go for a walk and that will make me feel better’
‘I will go swimming, that will make me feel better’
This really was all the holiday and each day was about, making myself feel better. This is what I had to change, to stop trying to feel better, to stop always trying to supress the bad. It was only later when I truly understood that I had to be o.k with the bad, go towards it and feel it. I had to stop trying to supress the way i felt and stop spending all my day seeking to feel better, trying to avoid and supress bad feelings. This was the battle I was still having with myself, a battle I could never win. If I stopped trying to supress the bad and walked alongside it, the battle would end. I had to stop trying to make the pain go away, I had to stop trying to solve the problem that i could never solve.
I have a small interest in buddism and it is all built around having a calm mind, it does not want to fight all day, to battle with feelings, to keep trying to supress, it just wants to be left alone. i had to stop aiming for peace and just let it come to me.
The more we allow the bad, allow ourselves to feel the way we do without supression, without searching for peace, the less respect we give it and the stronger and more resiliant we become. The less we use our minds to solve a problem time and time again, the more flexible and at peace it becomes. This of course goes against our impulse to fix things, we have a scratch and we itch it, we are always looking for comfort. But it is this looking for comfort with anxiety that keeps us in the cycle.
I am sure everyone who has improved or recovered here will say one thing. That they hardly if ever fight or battle with how they are feeling now, that they have stopped trying to mentally run around and solve the problem. It really is about letting things go, throwing away all your coping tools. It’s almost like being stripped naked and just being you again with all the past anxiety baggage left behind.
I dropped and no longer had aims of who I wanted to be, about how i wanted to feel, whilst I was always aiming, then the fight was still on each day, striving to be something or someone or to feel a certain way. This led to tremendous relif in the long run and made me feel far more relaxed, a relaxed mind leads to a relaxed body. I had to learn though not to fight towards relaxation or seek it out like I did on the holiday I mentioned earlier.
If people truly accepted themselves for who they are, then the blog would be dead, as everyone would just be living alongside the way they felt without question and without fight. This is because it is in our human nature to avoid pain, to avoid feelings, to seek feeling better. It is this automatic reaction that we need to change. I no longer seeked out the good or avoided the pain, it was part of me for now and I had to accept that, I learnt to be o.k with not feeling perfect. I gave up the battle to feel better, to work it all out, it had drained me for too many years and got me nowhere, if something was making me feel worse, then why not seek out doing the opposite. If only it was our human reaction to do nothing, things would be far easier.
To finish I remember a documentary on T.V about a lady who was burnt very badly in a fire when she was younger and at first she hid away, hated her refelection, was full of hate and self pity. Her life was utterly miserable, she was full of hate and self pity , all created because whe did not want to be who she was. When asked what turned her life around, she said it was the day she finally accepted herself for who she was, this was the only thing that truly brought her peace and gave her, her life back.
Wise words indeed
I hope that post helps people and they can really relate to it
For more help with anxiety visit www.anxietynomore.co.uk
For more information about my book ‘At last a life’ visit