Changing your attitude towards anxiety

Firstly sorry for the late post, as stated it was computer problems. I still don’t have access to my files where I placed the success stories, so here is a seperate post until I get my files back.

Just before I start I have recently joined twitter if any wants to follow me at anxietynomoreuk . I will post on there when there any new posts, interesting comments, changes to the new site and any other news of interest.

One other thing, I keep getting emails from people off the blog asking if I can do a post on this subject or that subject. I can’t do requests, as I can’t just help one person, it has to be for the benefit of everyone, so please don’t be offended.

O.k to todays post. After looking through and reading a lot of posts I decided to talk about people’s attitude to anxiety. If anyone ever asks me what was the eureka moment, what really helped? I always say it was a shift in my attitude to how I felt. This mainly comes through a better understanding of the subject, as it is far easier to be less impressed by certain symptoms of anxiety when you understand it far better. This is why you see people on here move forward over time. They start to understand far more and there symptoms impress them less, yes they may still dislike them, but they are able to see them in a different light. When someone writes a positive post it is obvious that there has been a big shift in attitude to how they view how they feel.

So let’s try and help change this shift in attitude. One thing to make very clear is resist the need to work everything out, please don’t waste time and energy doing this, it is time to interact with the world around you and not yourself and how you are feeling, this just makes you feel more inward. Read the posts and replies on the blog, add a little info elsewhere and then just get on with making the tea, seeing friends and being you. That is what I did not do in my early years. I would read some info and then go away and go over and over it, trying to figure this out, that out, testing myself, question this or that. It truly was a vicious cycle and I had no hope of being part of the world around me, when my whole world was me.

What I ended up doing was educating myself and then I would  just go away and live my life exactly how I would if I did not feel this way. I had being totally induldged in me and how I felt, my mind was totally shattered, it could take no more, it needed a break, the best way to do this was to DROP the subject and just go and live my life whilst taking how I felt with me.

That is why people go to work and then have a home life. If they dealt in cars all day and then thought about cars all night when they got home, went over and over which car to sell tomorrow, spent all there weekends thinking about cars,  then the subject would become them, they have let nothing else in, this is why it is vital to take some breaks. You can’t take breaks if you go into every situation questioning why you feel this way, why it went like it did, what may help etc.

The best advice and one line I think I can ever give to put this point forward is ‘Live like you don’t have it’ that truly was me in the end, I went around like the person I was before and took how I felt with me without question and I eventually became that person, I was no longer a victim. I have said many times if you act like a victim of anxiety, then you become one, a slave to it. I don’t claim this to be easy, it can really test your willpower at times, but it is so helpful in the long term.

I would go to a quiz each week with friends and I mostly felt horrible and detached, I truly just wanted to go home, but I did’nt. I never tried to come across as normal or act my way through the night, I was just me and if that meant being a little quiet then so be it. I was not running home feeling sorry for myself, anxiety was not winning, I was. These trips to the quiz went on for many months and each time I went I would feel a little more comfortable and a little more normal, until I was sitting chatting away and enjoying myself. I would also walk up town twice a week and feel overwhelmed, the crowds, the unreality of it all etc, but I would just go and do my shopping. Sometimes I had to look at the price of an item 3 times before it sunk in, but I never questioned why I felt this way, I just got on the best I could. Again these trips became easier and easier, a shift back to me was certainly happening.

This is the reason so many people stay in the cycle because every instinct says ‘go home, it’s easier there’ or ‘try and fix this, this is not right’. I think everyone who has recovered or really moved forward will all say they had to go against their instinct many times.. That is because we are built to make a decision when anxious, anxious feelings mean flee or find the danger. Well there is no danger and there is no need to flee, it’s a false signal that we should simply move on from.

I always say people are too impressed by how they are feeling at the present time, that’s when all the ‘What am I doing wrong’?, ‘Why do I feel this way’? , ‘What can I do to help it’? , ‘I hate this feeling, why me’? starts. How you feel now has no bearing on how you may feel in a few months time, none at all.

So 4 key points to finish:

1.  Begin to learn to be less impressed by the way you feel, even if you don’t understand why you feel a certain way, it doesnt matter, just place it all under the umbrella of anxiety.

2. Live your life like you don’t have it. Don’t scurry home or cancel appointments, run away from a friend to get away from a conversation etc, just go everywhere at will, anxious or not, it can’t and never will do you any harm.

3. Don’t go over and over how you feel or feel the need to work it all out, disect it. By all means educate yourself by reading the book or the blog and then just go and get on with your day. Never be afraid to drop the subject for a while, I have advised people on here that they are becoming too indulged in the subject and to have a week off and just add some living in.

4. Don’t see anxiety or the sensations that come with it as the enemy, embrace them, they are only feelings/sensations that can do you no harm.

I hope someone finds something in the above


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611 Responses to “Changing your attitude towards anxiety”

  1. Ross Says:

    Hey Paul,
    Great post , really gave me a boost when i read it.

    I was hoping I could get advice from someone please.

    I’ve been doing really well with anxiety -i think- although I have had setbacks which I know is perfectly normal but what happened today was beyond anything I’ve ever felt.

    It sounds so stupid but I was standing at work and I actually felt like i was lifting off the ground and about to shoot into the sky! Yes I know that sounds completely irrational and when It happened I had a really weird Deja vu feelingn like this was destined to happen , when it happened I grabbed onto a table and hung on for dear life. There has been a lot of people I know with a flu bug which Maybe means I’m getting it and I have some sort of fever. It was so horrible it really felt like I had lost it completely and for the rest of day at work I felt and dreaded it was happening again :-(. Now I don’t know what to think this had completely thrown me as I was making strides in recovery with the odd setback.

    After it happened I hid in the toilet and nearly cried I also had a bleeding nose.

    I am home now and feel ok but have a sick feeling about going back to work tomorrow, this feels worse than when I first had anxiety.

    My anxiety itself mostly consists of me concentrating on myself and feeling like I can’t or amnt breathing. I also feel I can’t think at all and thoughts of death,suicide, ‘why are we here?’ thoughts run through my head all day. Also think about the world and why no-one else feels it’s a strange and scary place, I never ever used to think like this .

    I also get bad dp like I am nothing , no personality , no thoughts just completely blank.

    I have read over Pauls book twice and always read posts on here when I am down and really felt I was understanding anxiety slowly and surely , i just really struggle to get momentum with my recovery because of my daily stresses and shift work exhausts me , I really want to get a new job but there really isn’t much out there .

    Could I please get some advice? I’m sure a lot of people have felt the way I’ve felt, I really understand and feel I’m letting anxiety be there and accepting all the symptoms but I just always have this blank feeling like nothing is real. I have been to the gp and I s&m awaiting cognitive therapy.

  2. James Says:

    Thanks Paul for the updated blog, it means allot!

    And if it wasn’t for this site I don’t know how I would be feeling right now, but I mean this in the nicest way..I hope one day I’ll never have to come back to this site. I’ve taken all the advice and can see it paying off, it feels like my anxiety is just hanging on by a thread and as soon as I learn to ignore it and pay it no attention it’ll go away. I feel that as I keep coming back it brings more memories of when I first got anxiety, I feel that a break from all of this to clear my mind will do me the best. And I hope months down the road I can come back on here and share my victory of Anxiety.

    Hope everyone is doing well! :)

  3. KM Says:

    Hi Paul,
    I really like your four points, and i’ve certainly been doing all of them too much! My anxiety at the moment is as high as its been, but i dont understand the up and down with it! Last night I received your book when i got home, i’d had a pretty ordinary day, but still stayed at work, picked up my daughter from my sisters stayed for dinner, and by the time i went to bed i was feeling really ok with it all and looking forward to facing the next day as i read a few of your chapters! Upon waking this morning, i sat up and was overcome by the most horrible dizzy spells, the room was literally spinning, I’ve never experienced it this severe, I got back into be thinking I was really sick, then said, No get up its just anxiety, so i did, I was so dizzy i couldn’t walk, i had to hold onto the walls, benches and sinks, I went into full scale panic!! Luckily my daughter was still asleep (im a single mum) my mind was racing with very bad thoughts about not coping and ending up a broken mess, i thought the feelings were never going to end! I forced myself to shower, i could hardly move my limbs i was so stiff with fear, everything felt totally out of control. I was confused, disorientated, dry wretching all the bells and whistles! Its school holidays here, and I had to get my daughter to her baby sitter, and i didn’t want to alarm her with my distress, so i quickly got her ready (while feeling shocking) and thought if I can get her to the baby sitter then i’ll deal with whatever is wrong with me afterwards. It managed to subside a bit by the time i got to the babysitter, but i was in/out of there in 5 min. My daughter didn’t notice a thing. I wasn’t dressed properly, my make up was all over the shop, i didn’t do my hair, and i forgot to brush my teeth. I didn’t want to return home as the thought of spending the day with myself was horrifying, so i’ve made myself come to work. I’m working on accepting it was a ‘one of a kind’ severe panic attack, but it feels like its thrown me right back in the deep end. I’ve had a very severe setback for 2 months now and i don’t feel im making any progress even though I haven’t missed a days work or social event. Have you got any advice for me :(

  4. Robbie Says:

    Hey Ross,
    Sometimes we mistake symptoms of real illnesses (like the flu) with anxiety. It has happened with me. I’ll mistake the feeling of being tired/worn out with being anxious, when in reality, I’m just tired. When we’re anxious, we’re in a highly sensitized state and tend to overanylize things. Pay how you felt no mind. Just chalk it up to the fact that you had a bad day and tomorrow will be better. The good thing about having a bad day is that tomorrow is another opportunity to have a good day!

    It get those some disturbing thoughts as you (I mean, the exact same ones!). Go back to the basics that got your through the first time. Ignore them, let them roll around in your head, but pay them no attention. It doesn’t mean you have to like them, but don’t give them any respect because they don’t deserve it. The fact that you are distressed about these thoughts are a good thing, because it means it’s not who you are as a person.

    I won’t lie, the DP sucks, but for me it was just my mind’s way to shutting down for a little while to recover from whatever made me anxious to begin with. Take advantage of it, play with it, see what it’s like to live in an “unreal” world. It may be better than the real world (lol). Just kidding! Don’t let any of these symptoms dictate your life, do what you always do and give it time. These things will pass. You already know that, but hopefully this will give you a little reassurance. Hang in there, setbacks only make you stronger!

    Sometimes we tend to think of anxiety as a monster, when in reality, once we flip on the light switch, it’s just a little imp that is making shadow puppets on the wall in an attempt to scare us. If he knows he’s scaring you, then he’ll keep doing it. But, if you ignore this jerk, he’ll get bored and go find something else to do.

  5. Ross Says:

    Robbie thank you so much for the reply.

    Ye you are right think I was exhausted with lack of sleep, flu etc. Might have happened without anxiety! I think anxiety just makes you believe that you are losing it.

    Once I read up about it I accept anxiety and my attitude changes then I’ll not even come on here for weeks and my attitude must slip very frustrating!

    I know what you mean with the “unreal” world thing , I just find it very grey, and scary place , and I always think how can people be happy unveils bad and mad world.

    My attitude has slipped that’s all it is and I’ll learn from this alot , thanks again

  6. Ross Says:

    *unveils – meant to be *in this

  7. steveo Says:

    Yet again another great post Paul.

    So very true but so very hard to implement when in the realms on anxiety.

    So many people would pay £0000’s to be away from these feelings.

    For me, I need to do this; “Don’t go over and over how you feel or feel the need to work it all out, disect it” but find it so difficult.

    But, I keep thinking, have I always been like this, is this me forever now, am I also depressed, will I ever be normal again… however, on the positive moments i have, i know the thoughts are a load of b*****ks. I have always had a little anxiety (anticipatory anxiety) which was a walk in the park compared to this.


  8. Ethel Says:

    how are things for you today? I cannot comment at all on setbacks, as I haven’t even recovered enough to ever experience a setback – but boy! do I know all about dizziness!! Dizziness caused me to have the most extreme oanic attack EVER and now almost 4 months of constant anxiety. I think when we tell people that we are ‘dizzy’ those without knowledge dismiss this as something trivial because most people experience some kind of dizziness througout their life – but THIS type of dizziness is hideous and extremely scary indeed. I smpathise with you. I still get dizzy everyday, some days its better than others but I think you deserve a medal for never missing a day at work or social event. Let me know how you are xx

  9. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Steveo Says: For me, I need to do this; “Don’t go over and over how you feel or feel the need to work it all out, disect it” but find it so difficult.

    The trouble is Steveo is that when we feel anxiety, all our efforts go into trying to get rid of it, which is all counter productive, this is why we need a shift in attitude to say ‘It’s o.k to feel anxiety’ and it truly is.

    I can’t begin to explain the wasted energy I tried in getting rid of the way I felt for many years. I had a total change of attitude and learnt to be o.k with how I felt, my energy went back into living. And that meant living alongside how I felt for a while and being o.k with it. I stopped resisting and just got on with my day, it was tough and yes through habit my mind would keep reverting back to me.

    Again think of the person dealing in cars all week and talking and thinking of nothing else 24/7, you could not say to him ‘Right stop thinking about them’ He would have to start adding other things into his life and having other things take his attention. There is nothing wrong with the subject being in your life as long as it does not become your life. People ask me if helping others has any negative effect on me. It has none at all as I have loads of other things going on, helping others is just a part of my life and not my life. I like everyone else have to have breaks, to have other things to take my attention. I try to keep a balance of been accessible whilst not being over run and posting here gives me that. If I started to attempt to answer every email I received I would be doing nothing else all day and night, but answering questions and being immersed in the subject. I am no longer thinking about me as it is no longer my habit. I am thinking about what time I have to meet friends or booking a table for dinner, what time the shops shut, ringing a friend etc. All I thought about years ago was how to get better, nothing else ever entered my thoughts.

    If you said to yourself today ‘O.k I am going to resist the need to work it all out from now and disect every sensation or situation’ at first you find find through habit your mind reverting back to the subject, again be o.k with this, it’s just habit, then in time you would find other things grabbing your attention, you may find yourself thinking about what’s on T.V and not how you are feeling. The more breaks from the subject you have and the more you add other things into your day, the better long term. For a while you may so no change, but stick at it.

    Going over and over things is a habit built from when we had little advice and info. What you learn here will never leave you, you don’t have to keep going over and over things, you don’t have to keep searching for the sentence you may have missed or for the golden piece of advice that will make it all fall into place. Give your mind a deserved rest, add other things into your day and the clearer mind will help you far more than trying to think your way better.

  10. Ethel Says:

    Hello … I just wanted to ask, albeit a little early because I am still very much smack bang in the middle of extreme anxiety but here goes …

    Does EVERYONE suffer setbacks on their journey to recovery?

    Is there NO ONE who just improves gradually without any significant setbacks?

    AND … when you are beginning to ‘recover’ as in, things are easing a little, did anyone ever doubt it or mistrust those feelings, almost as if waiting for this thing to pounce again?

    Aren’t I just a ray of sunshine!!

    Sorry – but I am a novice at all of this and I hate to be faced with mystery – and boy! is this condition a HUGE mystery. I (as always) would appreciate any input at all from anyone suffering and/or recovered.

    Thanks xx

  11. steveo Says:

    Paul – thank you VERY much for your reply.

    You really should offer counselling sessions as that advise is better than any counsellor can provide.

    Thanks again, you are a very generous man. A*

  12. steveo Says:

    I think by doing this you are trying to rush it too much Ethel.

    Read Pauls post above which i think is great.

    Some days/weeks i think i’m reovering to only feel awful the next day. Trying to rush this will not help as no-one is cured overnight.

    Best wishes

  13. Ross Says:

    Hey ethel,
    I think you HAVE to experience setbacks to fully get the right attitude to finally recover.

    ..and yes self-doubt for me is a big issue , feels like my negative thoughts unravel any progress I’ve made.

    Also Ethel I think learning more about the condition and understanding it will take away a lot of fear of your symptoms but not to get too obsessed so that anxiety is all you think about.

    My plan is to do accept and not really bother about the feelings I get no matter what also exercise a lot to burn excess adrenaline .

    Hope this is of any help to you

  14. Ethel Says:

    Thank you for your response x … I wont lie, anxiety IS my life at the moment – but I do KNOW that this is not a good thing but at the moment I have little else happening and therefore the ‘monster’ is feasting on my soul.
    So … as said previously, I am taking drastic steps to shift my focus. I am moving to Scotland next week for an indefinite stay. I KNOW I need to break this destructive cycle of sefl analysis.

    HOWEVER … I have seen a teensy weensy wee bit of improvement in my physical symptoms … nothing to write home about but still …

    The ONLY thing is that I doubt these feelings of improvement … it is kinda like the school bully insiting that they want to be friends with you – so, you take a chance and trust them … only to find that they laugh in your face and kick you even harder.

    Goodness – what a miserable sod I am!!

  15. Ian Says:

    Thanks very much for this Paul, so hugely relevant to me right now.

    Of all the many things I am grateful for here, I think the willingness of yourself, and others, to say the same thing over and over (and over) is one of the most appreciated.

    Trying to keep so much in my head to ‘deal’ with this at any point in time, when I know I need to give my mind a rest.

  16. jessica Says:

    Hi Everyone,
    I just want to say i am living proof that a shift in attitude is the key. I was in a pool of anxiety half way through last year and felt as if i was drwoning untili realised i was drowning myself. So through the help of this blog i was able to learn from everyones experience and re-train my brain to give these thoughts and feelings less and less importance… I slowly feel that mylife is practically back to normal… and i thank everyone who gives advice on this blog for helping me to get to this place… When you are in the middle of anxiety its hard to believe that something so simple as a change in attitude can take away all that pain but its TRUE!

    It also doesn’t happen overnight, and like paul said in his previous post you cannot determine how long it will take you to recover from anxiety, its a learning process that you cannot put a time frame on… Im still being challenged at times but through my new learnt behaviour i can nearly laugh at these thoughts… and i sometimes wonder why i got myself so worked up! But thats anxiety for ya!

    All i can say is recover is out there… I can’t believe how far i have come in the last 4 months… and how far im going to go! Im loving life at the moment and im not afriad to go anywhere… I push myslef to be in the moment and its working out for me! I know how horrible it is to feel anxiety and i wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy but as paul says its all in the attitude….

    So guys ” dust yourselves off, and keep moving”

    Thanks paul for all your work!

    Your friend


  17. KM Says:

    HI Ethel,
    Its the weekend here so things have improved slightly, no more dizzy spells, and i’m working on changing my attitude! What I do notice is that when i’m feeling my worst my thoughts are all, ‘oh i’ll never be better, I see no improvement, I can’t handle this anymore’ etc etc but yesterday and today i really worked on not seeing my anxiety and bad feelings as a problem, not trying to fix it, and i know when i’m bad as i start searching for therapists etc online, only to be disheartened as when you call there is months waiting lists to see them here in Australia. So then i try to challenge my thinking in saying i’ve overcome this before and live my life as if i dont have it. Ten years ago when i first had severe anxiety i spent about two years sourching therapist, massauses, spiritual guru’s, meditation, and lots of lots of money on ‘trying to get rid of it’, no one once ever said to me, there is nothing wrong with you, you only have anxiety! All the crackpots out there happy to take your money and try to uncover some childhood trauma that didn’t exsist. I got better because i forced myself back into life and work and didn’t bother trying to get rid of the anxiety! This is the hard road as it takes patience, tests your spirit, and can often feel like your pushed to the edge of sanity! I will try to take each day as it comes. It worries me that i’ve had no appetite for two months, but i’m sleeping really well again so i have some improvements!
    I hope your feeling better too :)

  18. Ethel Says:

    Didn’t realise that you were in Australia! Luckily I haven’t bothered with the ‘quick fixes’ or ‘miracle cures’ …. although I wish someone would invent one!!

    I am having some good ‘moments’ so that is a start I suppose. The thing that confuses me is … I KNOW that I am doing this to myself (but I dont really know how) and when I do have good moments, I dont really know how either … confusing!!

    This is still very early days for me and it does somewhat shatter my spirit to think of the road ahead – but in the absence of that ‘miracle cure’ it seems that we have very little choice but to soldier on with each day.

    Question for folks: is it common to coubt ‘good feelings?’

    Keep in touch KM – I hope you are having a better day x

  19. Sam Says:

    Hello Everybody,

    I have read Paul’s book and much of this blog, but this is my first post. What a wonderful resource this is!

    I was wondering what everybody thought about my current situation and if they had similar experiences. I never had anxiety in my life until about six months ago, when I went through a number of stressful situations (some were actually good, like a wonderful new job and engagement to get married) all at once. All of my “triggers” settled down, but then I was surprised that I was still anxious, and I searched and searched for a reason. A few months later I came across Paul’s book and realized that my anxious state had become the source of my anxiety (or I was anxious because I was anxious, as he simply but brilliantly states).

    Anyway, my current symptoms are

    1. Almost constant de-realization, which at first terrified me, but now I tolerate because I know it’s just a harmless symptom. However, it’s been going on constantly for so many months now that I don’t really even remember what I used to be like. In fact, I’ve wondered if, at least to some degree, I’ve always experienced derealization, but I just never payed it much attention, but now that I am in this anxious state it is predominated in my mind? I am quite certain that I will eventually be “back to normal” but I wonder if “normal” means that derealization will be gone, or that it will still be there but I just won’t notice anymore because I won’t think about it. What do all of you think?

    2. My second symptom is profound fatigue. I can force myself to go to work and do what I need to do, but if I have no important tasks I need to complete, I have a great deal of trouble getting out of bed and even if I do I may fall asleep for hours on the couch, chair, etc. On the weekends I sometimes sleep until 2 or 3 pm or later. I have no depression or sadness, and I enjoy doing many things, but it feels like I am glued to the bed or chair. I assume that this is my tired mind trying to rest, or perhaps escape from the unpleasantness of derealization? I get 7-8 hours of sleep during the week, and I am not physically tired. This has been going on for 4-6 months now, and it is quite troubling because it is weird and scary to be a grown woman (no children to take care of, thank God!) who is in bed until the afternoon every Saturday and Sunday. Sometimes, for whatever reason I am able to get up earlier, and during those times I do indeed live my life to the fullest, but other times I feel paralyzed and just learned to stop fighting it (or analyzing why I could get up at 8 or 9 or 10 am yesterday but today not until 4pm). Any other thoughts or suggestions?

  20. KM Says:

    Hi Ethal,
    I’ve had a good day today, still loads of anxiety mainly anxious thoughts, its worse in the mornings as i’m doing the ‘how will i get through today’, but i didn’t allow myself to rush, i made sure i got ready didn’t delibratly make lots of plans to avoid being ‘bored’ which is when i’m at my worst! I just tried my best to have a nice day with my daughter, regardless how i felt or how much panic i had, and i didn’t have any panic!! THe thoughts were doing their best to try bring it on, but i just left them alone to be there! I’m trying to hurry up my recovery as i’ve recovered before (sort of), but i’m working on accepting that a massive build up of stress in 2010 brought this on and once I truelly stop caring about it, it will go when i’m busy doing other stuff. I’m not sure if you have bought Pauls book but i got it last week and its really a good ‘scaffold’ to give yourself! You may not build around it yet but if you read it its there and in time the penny will drop, it needs to drop repeatedly for us to really move forward!
    Hope your going well this weekend :)

  21. Andrew Says:

    Thanks for the post Paul

    In response I read the blog the day it came out and chewed over what was said and the line “Live life like you dont have it” has given me that final piece of advice to push me down the hill towards recovery. Have had pauls book a year or so and truly believe in these methoda even though I feel as its 2 steps forward and 2 back! As Paul there is pretty much no symptoms I dont currently have from the physical (shakey sweaty hands, floaters, ringing ears leg twitching ect) and mental (disturbing thoughts, total self awarness of every though and emotion, feeling that something terribel is going to happen ect).
    I still go to work every day go to the pup with friends watch football matches and so on so I do live my life as normal in that respect but having suffered for over 3 years and as said I am totally self absorbed on myself and the lable anxiety that I have become “it” and cant seem to move forward, until now!
    I believe that piece of advise means not only go everywhere and do everything as normal but by adapting it slightly to how you think, feel and see yourself to as someone who “doesnt have it” and is completletly healthy and well physically and emotionally is the key to shaking of the shakles that anxiety has you believe, falsely, that there is something wrong. I am now going to take on this new attitude and move forward, even after only a couple of days i’m feeling a slight shift!

    thanks again Paul

  22. KH Says:

    Hi Ethel,

    I believe it is normal that we doubt good feelings when we are suffering anxiety and everyday seems like a dreadful day. Even now when I do not give any attention to the anxiety-related thoughts and carry on my daily activities, the feeling of misery and dread will just hit me, most often when I am alone and getting rest. Like Paul said, it’s our memory of suffering which is still there. But I believe that it’s all part and parcel of the recovery process, and once we get over this feeling, that would be true recovery. :)

  23. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    That’s pretty much it Andrew, don’t see yourself as ‘Andrew the anxiety sufferer’ with the old attitude of ‘Would’nt this time with friends be good without feeling like this’ , ‘I wish I was just like other people’ that’s again giving it respect. Throw that old attitude out and learn to have a new one where it doesnt stop you enjoying yourself. Have that attitude of ‘Is this really so bad’ ‘Can it really stop me living my life and enjoying myself’ ‘I have anxiety, so what’. the way you view how you feel and how positive you are can make so much difference.

  24. james Says:

    Hello Everyone,

    I think I’m having the most trouble accepting this happened to me. The whole disturbing thoughts and negative thinking really bothers me and I just feel horrible sometimes. I find myself avoiding hearing the news or certain channels on tv becasue I don’t want to hear anything bad becasue then I feel it’ll get stuck in my head. I’m trying to just ignore them and at times I do, but then it’ll creep back in my head or I’ll wake up from my sleep and have a bad thought. How do you deal with this, I feel like my old self wants back but this anxiety side of me won’t go away.

  25. Clara Says:

    Hi Andrew
    I had suffered for almost 3 years , now as u said i dont have that immense fear or dread that something’s gonna happen and DP is almost not there..
    because i was sufferrin frm it for 3 years it had ingrained in alot of bad thought habits.. i am in a position now where i still cant do things in a very spontaneous way..somehow a lot of thoughts on y things are bad for me just keep popping up untill i am dead tired ..i dont analyse them anymore..but still its nagging me when its always tehre with me making me feel awfull…and i am so self conscious..
    suppose if i have told a friend that i’d meet up for a coffee and i am not able to make it..instead of telling them sorry cudnt make it andmove on i may still crib on that feeling i shudnt have done that…and a stream of guilt comes to attack me …dont know y my thoughts are always finding fault on me as a person…
    it kind of analyses all my actions in a way i am not able to do anything..
    do u have any advices on how to go about it?

  26. scarlet Says:

    Hi Sam,

    “I’ve wondered if, at least to some degree, I’ve always experienced derealization, but I just never payed it much attention, but now that I am in this anxious state it is predominated in my mind?”

    It’s difficult to imagine a time when you were free of dp/dr when you are suffering it, but no you wouldn’t have always experienced it, perhaps when you had flu or high fever, but that’s probably all.

    “I wonder if “normal” means that derealization will be gone, or that it will still be there but I just won’t notice anymore because I won’t think about it. What do all of you think?”

    Back to normal, means the derealization will be gone.

    With regards to the sleeping.
    There’s no harm in sleeping in, but if it’s troubling you, perhaps you could plan to do something each day that would involve getting up earlier, maybe join a club, go to the gym, organise to meet up with friends. Maybe put on the alarm as well. I didn’t sleep in at all when I had anxiety, was the opposite, had chronic insomnia.

  27. Ross Says:

    Rightni feel as though i’ve come 2 terms with my set back it was brought oN by feeling not well, I still have this enormous dread of going back to work though which I cant shift , any help with this?

  28. Ross Says:

    Also is the linden method a scam? Not that I would try it as I fully trust pauls method just curious

  29. Steveo Says:

    The linden method is the same principle. Ie. Not paying the anxiety all of your attention.

    Makes complete sense. But easier said than done hey.

  30. KM Says:

    Hi Ethal,
    thanks for thinking of me as an inspiration but i really dont feel like one, and i have no choice to keep going, i’ve got no one to take over for me, so if the captain goes down so does the ship! yes i have had a recent set back about 8 weeks ago after a long build up of stress last year! But i’m not as bad as what i was the first time, although i’m loosing alot of weight from having no appetite. I’m just doing my best trying to get through really, and focusing on the good days which are few and far between. I’m working on changing my attitude but like you said its really hard, and of course i’m full of doubt most days, pretty much all day!But staying home under the doona i’d still feel the same i think if not worse i’d have the added guilt of giving up! So i plough through, trying not to get too caught up in it, which is hard as if feels like it has me in a vice! Arriving at work today was horrible i just felt yuck, can’t even describe the feeling just yuck, i spent the first hour just wanting to go home, but i force myself to stay, i still feel crap, but i have no where else to go so I may as well stay here haha!! As home for me feels like crap too! i just try to draw my attention to other things and sometimes it feels like the load is lifting then it jumps back on again! I surpose this is where the ‘who cares its there’, i don’t believe in this yet but telling myself this it will eventually kick in, as i know it has before! How are you filling your days if you’ve given up work?

  31. Mike H Says:

    I bought the linden method about 7 months ago. It’s the equivalent of paying one hundred dollars for your dad to sit across the kitchen table blankly and say, “you feel bad? Go mow the lawn, fix the toaster..what’s wrong with you?”

    Seriously, though, I can’t believe this guy managed to fit “make a schedule of things to do,” into a 200 page book. It’s rediculous. ANd charles linden did not have depersonalization, as there is only maybe 4 sentences on dp in the book. If he had it, he would have had a much much longer recovery.

    Paul’s method, is where it’s at.


  32. lorryt Says:

    Hi All

    just recovering after a horrendous xmas, and now getting thru the new that after about 8 months of temperamental behaviour and general tiredness that my huibby has diabetes. he is not great ta going to teh docs but after collapsing things snowballed. i am now quite anxious about the fact after all the time of him being off work and getting deoressed that he found the jobhe really wanted and will now loose it as hes been signed off since hes been there. it seems like one train crash after another at the moment. my nerves are tired ansd im constantly on edge as im scared that we are in a situation of losing our house. i cant seeem to get ou t of this negative thought state and its so tiring . im very distant from my hubby and hes getting fed up. it seems its all falling part and i cant stop it. my head is such a mess, but i guess i am adopting teh british spirit , keep calm well trying and carry on . anxiety isnt helping things as in my head its all

  33. Eileen Says:

    Hi everyone.Dont post on here very often but could do with a bit of support…
    For some weeks before Xmas, symptoms of nausea became troublesome. Managed to keep myself going until got the flu ..

    I assumed that the awful sickness and nausea was from the flu, but find it continuing. Havent ate anything properly for over 1 week.

    Difficult to explain to family whats going on, as they ask whats brought this on now??? Who knows I certainly dont.
    Has anyone else experienced this feeling? Making me feel very weak not having food.
    Trying to remain positive, but not easy when feeling sick all the time,

    Sorry to moan, just needed to talk to people who understand,
    Thank you xx

  34. rosemary Says:

    Just a quick note about sickness/lack of appetite. I also had this problem, I just felt sick all the time and never felt hungry. The loss of weight really worried me and the fact that so many people commented only escalated the problem. They know Im not well, god I must look really ill, oh im not comfortable with this and so on. Any way on wards and upwards. I started by eating little bits the easiest for me was a packet of crisps or a couple of squares of chocolate. I would have a fizzy drink every now and then.I just wanted to put weight back on then I could eat properly again.Yogurt in the morning is easier too. I now have a really good appetite and when I feel hungry I eat really well. BIg Mac large fries and ice cream. What I am trying to say is that your appetite will return, I still have the odd day when I worry about not feeling hungry but I move on from it, I always end up feeling hungry so I always eat. I have maintained my weight for at least 10 mths so its all going in the right direction. Will be glad when all the x mas chocs and biscuits have gone as I find myself eating them just because they are there. You could always try a tonic from the chemist, helps give you a bit of an appetite. Effico is good but I think they have stop manufacturing but there are others available. You will be fine just eat little and often.x

  35. KM Says:

    Hi Ethal,
    I get all sorts of flickering light things happening in my eyes and flashes of light i don’t let them bother me although when they first happened i panicked as well. I’ve been feeling a bit calmer each day for some parts of the day although tonight I wasn’t but i used feeling really anxious as a time to really challenge it and try and get as much out of practising my skills just to test out what would happen, and as usual nothing did, i felt bloody awful but told it to do its worst and then some, and apart from feeling really uncomfortable i didnt let my thoughts run riot! My appetite has been shocking but i’m forcing myself to eat too, i had a person at work pull me aside today and congratulated me on my weight loss, i gave him a bit of what for, as i never was needing to loose any at all, and told him he should never comment on anyones weight unless invited as you never know what that person went through and usually rapid weight loss means that something health related has happened. He was really shocked and thanked me and apologised. I felt quite proud of myself as i am sensitive about it I hate being thin, I liked my curves and miss my old healthy appetite, so yeah he coped a mouthful.. hahha good luck with your coffee :)

  36. Eileen Says:

    KM,Ethel and Rosemary, Many thanks for your responses. Means a lot to know others have come through the same

  37. Si Says:


    Yeh… tell me about the Linden Method!! Us people who are suffering and will try anything to be who we were will do anything and everything, I do get so frustrated at what people claim to do for us!!!

    Anyway, I came across Paul site whilst googling for “Mood Food” or something, but I will tell you something, I honestly believe it has saved my life, it’s taking longer than I wanted it to to get better but that’s the type of person I am. I get more good days than bad now and truley believe that Pauls method will get me there. I have dropped all therapy, don’t go to the GP anymore, back at work both a full time job and a part time job, both of which are stressfull and sometimes I feel I am chewing off more than I can bite, but I enjoy both jobs (some days).

    I have days where I just get on with things, don’t seem to worry or obsess about the conditions. The “Feelings” I get when I think just normal everyday stuff can knock me for 6 but I am learning to accept (harder than I though) Pop on here every now and again just to see how people are doing and it does help to be able to relate to so many good people and also inspirational at the people who are on thier way and them that are there.

    The only thing with I wished I had done was brought Pauls book and not downloaded it. It’s a bit of a bind to keep turning the PC on and reading it from screen. Books are so much better. BUT…. why did I download it??? cos i was impatient!! and that’s my problem.

    Anyway – I’m asking for a little advise if anyone can help. I had a breakdown just short of 2 years ago and I am alot better than I was (wow look at me, admitting I am better – lol) anyway the GP tried me on so many different anti-depressants and finally I ended up on venlafaxine of which i have been taking for just over a year. My main issue was with emotions (crying every single blood day and hated not having control), even the GP finaly said to me “WHY ARE YOU CRYING all the time”, well I now know why. Because I wanted me back, so with regards to my recovery I must be alot better because I cry maybe 1s or 2s in a month (suppose I am a little sencitive for a block)….. sorry going way way of course with my question…

    QUESTION – How do you know when to come off anti-depressants? and stay OFF THEM?

    Cheers SI

  38. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Si I dropped all therapy, stopped going to the doctors, gradually came of my anti depressants because I had, had enough of chasing my own tail getting nowhere. And everything I was doing was geared towards riding myself of my anxiety, I never once thought about ‘living with it’ it is that total resistance to it that keeps us in the cycle, it’s the reason we notice every symptom, why we let every symptom bother us, why we watch ourselves, get down about how we feel, etc…etc. That’s why I decided to throw away all my coping behaviours, why I stoped all the useless treatments and decided the best way forward was to learn to live again. The only thing I needed was a chat with someone on my toughest days and just a chance to off load, a lovely women from the nhs gave me that, she was at some outreach program or something simillar and I told her all I need is an ear to offload and that’s it.

    Was it tough? Yes I still had some horrible days, but I allowed them. Before I would get down about them, fight against them, get out the phone book ready to find the person who must be able to snap their fingers and get rid of it. I still had times where I still cried, got frustrated, felt dreadful, but I carried on. I changed so many habits and a lot of anxiety is bad habits we have fallen into.

    The crying that you mentioned is the total need to have yourself back. I can see everyday being consumed with getting rid of how you feel, going over and over things, trying to find the answer to the puzzle that would make it all go away, getting more down and frustrated. That would test someone with a healthy body, never mind someone who feels anxious, your body and mind were crying out to be left alone and you did the exact opposite. Imagine the calmest person in the world who could not hammer a nail into a piece of steel (that’s about as likely as getting rid of anxiety instantly) and they woke up and tried all morning, they got frustrated, they shouted, cursed, cried, they had to get this nail in. So they did the same again the next day and the next day, what would happen is they would have become really stressed, it was just adding so much stress to their day, stress on an anxious body is great for keeping it in the cycle.

    But Si I did all that and that’s the reason I spent 10 years getting worse. Be kind to yourself and how you feel, go for a walk, look after yourself and just go with how you feel, even if you feel awful, don’t resist and you may start to feel some peace.

    If you have the eBook and you want the physical book, I don’t want you paying again, just email me through my site and I will send you one free.


  39. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Ethal says: Having a horrendous morning here – last night was dreadful. Was trying to go to sleep but there was a bright flickering light in my eye even when it was closed and it scared me enough to trigger a panic attack – my vision was screwed up for quite sometime and this bright light kept on twitching in my eye for ages – it seems to have had a prfound effect even this mornng, this is the worst I have been in sometime.

    Ethal why let a flickering light bother you so much? If you read my book you would have seen that when I shut my eyes at night I felt like I was floating up to the ceiling. But I smiled at it and did not let it bother me, put it down to another trick of anxiety, which it turned out to be. My ears would ring pretty bad at work, but I let them and just carried on with what I was doing, again it turned ut to be a symptom of anxiety. Whatever and however you feel learn to be o.k with it, don’t get so stressed and worked up over a symptom, they arent important.

    You also say:

    I too have lost loads of weight and eating anything is a huge issue for me, this is not good cos I need my physical strength in order to help ‘battle’ this anxiety.

    Ethal I arent being rude but have you read the book? You talk about battling the anxiety, when the whole book tells you to do the complete opposite. I have read a lot of your posts and they are all based about getting rid of this thing. Please don’t read the book and then throw it to one side and think ‘Right back to battling this thing and getting rid of it’.

  40. Si Says:


    Thank you so much for your encouragement… I haven’t had tears for a few weeks but I am actually trying so hard to keep them away after just reading this…….

    Oh well, too bloddy late, they’ve started….. BUT it’s because people do undrstand and care and again I thank you so much for I do beleive there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It’s just a good sized tunnel.

    As for the book Paul, I so much apreciate the offer and I will take it up, like I said it’s better just to be able to pick it up read and put it down without the pain of the PC. (Technology hey!!)

    SO for anyone else reading this…. It just goes to show how honest, sinsere and kind this guy (Paul) is.

    I have got stronger and stronger over the months and have given up so much Help …… good and bad. I am determined to get through this with the knowledge Paul has given me and the support of the excellent site.

    Shame you’ve missed out on the OBE’s last year pal :)

    Thank you again so much

  41. James Says:

    Hello All,

    I guess I just would really like to hear from someone that recovered how they just go on and except these horrible thoughts that just sometimes pop in your head from time to time. I feel like my anxiety is gone but what I went through during it and what I was thinking at the time is still stuck in my head sometimes, like it was trained to think this way and it’ll never go away. It’s hard to just let it slide away when they come up becasue when i try and ignore it I just get sad cause I know I’ll never do anything like that. I don’t know it just really upsets me that I went from completely normal to feeling like I’ll never be normal again.

  42. Ross Says:

    Ever since my ordeal at work the other day when I felt I was lifting off the ground and I really freaked out, I now have enormous dread to leaving the house, it’s quite amazing how I went from feeling my best ever last week to my worst ever, it really feels I am scared of this world, any advice be greatly appreciated .

    I also realise my cause of stress really is my job it stresses me out even thinking about the place, I would love to be able to quit but have a house etc, it’s making me feel trapped as if I’m not in control of my life.

    Any feedback would mean a lot, maybe I should read over pails book just as a refresher but what happened the other day really knocked me it was as if I was about 2 start hiding

  43. Si Says:


    I am no expert nor am I realy in a position to give you any advice, but i will try a little.

    I used to have them realy bad panic attacks whilst in bed, usually at 4am in the morning, I thought then after months and months and months of getting little or no sleep that I would never get better…. However TIME has helped me, time, understanding and a little pat on the back to myself every now and then. YES it is hard going around all day feeling like you do, but it does ease, and I say ease because It has for me. I am still well on the way to recovery, but like yourself I don’t like the feelings and try sometimes to oviod, however like you are just doing now…… your going to freinds for coffe, going to school for your daughter and carrying on…. this is the way honest

  44. James Says:

    Along with my comment above, the more I read the more I believe I have DP. I feel like all the anxious and other feelings are gone however when I think about going out and hanging out with a friend it sounds like a great idea at first but by the time I get ready to go home from work I usually just talk myself out of it and just say I should probably just stay home relax. I think DP and reading the effects of it (the thoughts and feeling detached) is where I stand right now.

  45. Ross Says:

    Is anxiety just severe paranoia??? Does any1 else feel at ‘threat’ outside? Around people e.t.c. I feel I’m on a downward spiral since my setback, the best thing for me would be to get out the house and do normal things but it sounds daunting and i have a vision of me ‘losing it’ completely when I’m out.

    My dp makes me feel as though I feel nothin like my head is blank very scary

  46. Paul David(Admin) Says:

    Ethal I never mean anything if I seem harsh, it’s just my way of getting a point across. It was a serious question if you had read the book, I did not know and was surprised that you used the word ‘Battle’ when it is the total opposite approach to the one I give. Give me until tomorrow and i will answer your post above and try and help you, but it looks for the minute that you come here every time you feel a symptom. I know it’s hard, boy do I know how hard it can be when we are overwhelmed with symptoms, but I am so proud that I came through and stuck to what I believed would get me through, even though it was so tempting to hide away at home, to avoid friends, to feel so damn sorry for myself, to give up.

    On a final note, please don’t ever think i woke up with the answer one day and then my symptoms vanaished, it was never like that, it was hard at times and a change of attitude and a change of habits does not come overnight. But I will guarante that we are all built the same and are mind and bodies all heal the same, no one is chosen or special in recovery. I would get stuck many times and not move forward until I realised what I was still doing, it could be anything, but nothing I have never mentioned. I would think I was no longer avoiding when I went places, but all I wanted them to do was be over so I could get home, this approach was never going to work, I was still avoiding feelings. There is some people who talk about distraction from anxiety, I could not agree less, the only way to lose anxiety or panic is to feel it, not run away from it or distract yourself, that way you are saying it is something to avoid, the enemy. It’s my way to teach people it’s o.k to feel this way, a different attitude to the way I felt was number 1 in my recovery.

  47. Ross Says:

    Right I know what I have to do, i have to go straight back to work and if I get the dizzy/floating away feeling then so be it!! To overcome this I can’t avoid the feeling. I feel brave just now I hope I’m as brave tomorrow.

  48. James Says:

    Can anyone help me with my above comments?

    Thank you all! :)

  49. Si Says:


    You say

    “Right I know what I have to do, i have to go straight back to work and if I get the dizzy/floating away feeling then so be it!! To overcome this I can’t avoid the feeling. I feel brave just now I hope I’m as brave tomorrow.”

    Read this again but take off the “I feel brave just now I hope I’m as brave tomorrow”


    Because sometime we don’t feel brave enough, don’t hope at all… just do it no matter how you feel.

    I go to work every day, I hate nights now but I go and it’s very difficult for me but I go. I am also a retained fire fighter on call 12 hours a day and it is a challange sometimes because I don’t know when I am going to be alerted (day or night), so as you can imagine when my moods low I still have to do what I do. And I can 100% honestly say I can do the job 100% as I did before and do you know why? Well I think it’s because I am out of my space, at that point I don’t have time to think about MW, not trying to think myself better because I am doing something to help someone in an emergency. As silly as this sounds, I dont have anxiety when im in an emergency situation.

    Hope this helps

  50. Ross Says:

    Cheers Si,
    I understand totally what youre saying, I’ve been through everything with anxiety but this latest setback has totally set me back . I feel my do makes me feel I have none of ‘me’ left in my head which I find very hard to accept also as soon as I accept a feeling another one comes along, maybe we just have to ‘go through’ every possible feeling of it.

    I just crave 2 feel comfortable in my own skin and this us probably where I’m going wrong I also have a deep feeling like this us me forever and it’s more than anxiety which I’m trying to convince myself it’s nothing.

    Thanks for your reply Si sounds like ur living with anxiety no matter what, well done keep it up, il be like that small steps at a time

  51. natalie Says:

    hi guys can see a lot of symptoms on here that i have experienced been there done that worn the tee shirt :) but let me tell ya they do go or at least ease with time. i think jan is a hard one cos people usually start to see what they want from the year ahead and also quite dark and its back to the usual after xmas, but even people without anxiety feel low this time of year so just understand your feelings are normal but exaggerated. i myself was off eight months from work but from the help on this site went on to go back in nov ..yes i reduced my hours and my role from senior to collector buut that was to give me the umph i needed to get back and i am still there :) i even have been thinking i want more resp although i have decided to just take it easy for now because i want to concentrate on my boys whilst they are still young and give them the attention they have missed whilst i was at my worst. so please listen to the advise on here and go with your feelings some days will be worse than others i at the moment for no reason have had another bout of anxiety but just ride it out and know it will pass when it is ready, yes i have made the mistake of questioning stuff (old habits take time to lose) and know deep down doing me no good but it will be fine.
    i would say the only thing i really struggule with at the moment are frequent headache and really bad sickness, not sure if this is just tiredness as i do push myself to much sometimes ( eagerness eh) to the point where i have to cancel the gym or something and then i question am i doing the rite thing is this giving in to anxiety.. lol but sometiimes you do have to listen to your body if it is tired and have a rest.

  52. Mike H Says:

    Some of you may find this interesting. There are symptoms of depersonalization (caused by intense worry and thought) which have completely gone away in time for me. And others remain. IF anyone is suffering with these HERE’s Some encouragement:

    Ross, you said something about wanting to feel comfortable in your own skin again. Hope this helps, as I at one time was not able to take a shower cuz I couldn’t look at my body I was so weirded out by it. This lasted about 4 months.

    Not looking like yourself in the mirror (I believe this is caused by a lack of emotions about yourself). When more emotions come back, you will begin to look like yourself. The emotions will come back when you start to involve yourself in other things throughout the day, even if the majority of the day you still feel anxiety. Believe me.

    Intense self awareness, where you are wondering how you think, breathe, move (feeling high). Your body may look unfamiliar to you. This is caused undoubtedly by a tired mind. You are so exhausted mentally that all these things seem unfamiliar. I would obsess over my arms while I was driving. This lasted about 4 or 5 months but went away as I just got used to it, started listening to cds, fiddling with my phone, I have heard others complain about this awareness while driving. Well it doesn’t last. Just think about music, the scnery..whatever. I sometimes try and remember bible verses, or lyrics to 90’s

    Here are the things that have yet to go away, but I’m sure WILL in time

    `Words sometimes sound flat
    `Scenery outside Occasionally looks flat, empty, dead.

    If anyone has any advice about overcoming these, I’d appreciate it.
    Well I’ll let some people know when and how those things fade.

  53. Robbie Says:

    I went through (and still do at times) the same thing. I no longer have any physical symptoms and for the most part the thoughts have stopped, but I find myself thinking about how I felt or even feeling guilty for missing out on life. I basically treat those thoughts the same way I would an intrusive thought, I just ignore them. I can’t get my past back, so no need to feel guilty about it and my struggle has made me a better person, so in a way, I had to go through it to get to where I am today. Treat your past experience as a positive. Your brain and body developed a habit that it wants to go back to every once in a while. Be encouraged to know that it won’t happen, and if it does, you’ll get past it just like you did the first time. The feelings of what it felt like will leave in time, once time helps to take away the rawness of how you felt.

  54. james Says:

    Thanks allot Robbie, it means allot!

    Yea I guess I have to understand this happened around the end of November so it’s not just gonna go away right away. It’s just hard to accept that this happened to me but I gotta just go with it and ignore these thoughts. At times when I feel normal that’s when it hits, I tell myself man I feel great and then I go back and have a thought. I just gotta try and just move on and I know in time I’ll be fine.

  55. KM Says:

    Hi Ethal,
    I think this time is different as i have some knowledge of anxiety and how it all works, but the difference is we can have an intellectual knowledge, but we need to develop an emotional knowledge (which is the changing habit). There was no single thing I think I did to get through, I only remember just getting back into my life gradually and this took years, but it took years as i spent years trying to ‘stop’ anxiety! When it first hit me (ten years ago) i left my partner and went and lived with my mother, thinking this was the best thing to do, I couldn’t be left alone, I stopped eating all together as i thought food was contaminating, I was fearful of everything. This time around I still have the thoughts about all this stuff as it all came flooding back but i don’t buy into it! This time around its all about ‘not coping’ and ‘getting worse’ and ‘not getting better’ and ‘having to go thorough this for years before i get better’, you see its still anxiety but manifests on something else! Plus i also am dealing with the shock of having it return with such full force as i remember over the past several years living without its control, occasionally i’d still get anxious but i never thought i’d have another acute anxiety episode like the one i’m in now! So for me now its a process of allowing the shock to wear off, keep ‘retraining’ my brain so it learns to self settle, the symptoms will subside, (they already are as i’m sleeping again and occasionally feeling hungry) I just try to work at it one day at a time as fears just appear from nowhere (actually my thoughts) so i fear being alone, being with people, etc etc. I had the most horrible panic when my boyfriend arrived last night and i’d been looking forward to seeing him all afternoon. I just told myself that my body is super sensitised and it doesn’t take much to trigger it off, so i did my best to get on with the night, but it felt really bad! But I tried to laugh, I tried to make jokes, I cuddled my daughter and all the while felt like i was screaming on the inside. I look foward to not having to deal with panic everyday, as i know it subsides and may deal with it every other day then those espisodes wont be as intense until i hardly notice them, which is what happend last time. But it did take time and lots of it! Our brains are not as sohisticated as we think!! hahaha

  56. james Says:

    Another thing Robbie or anyone else if you don’t mind..I’m just trying to learn as much as I can about this but the negative thoughts did they just pop up once you started to feel normal. Like for me I’ll be sitting around or watching tv and a negative thought pops up like I should hurt someone and I never would do such a thing. I keep telling myself just ignore this but I feel like I’ll just end up in the crazy ward or something.

  57. Lesley Says:

    Just after a little advice please, doing really well lately, over the past six months I’ve really improved and after three years of this awful anxiety it feels great to see ‘me’ coming back all thanks to Paul and this wonderful site! Just a tad bit confused at pauls little comment above, I think it was a reply to Ethel? Just said about People talking about using distraction and that he couldn’t agree less about this and we need to not avoid, I def understand about the don’t avoid bit but not sure about the distraction bit lol I thought this was a good thing to do lol sorry if I’m havin a bit of a blonde moment but really do want to understand everything about this thing lol!
    love Lesley x

  58. Paulina Says:

    Hello everyone,
    I havent been here for a while I just thought of checking on the lastest posts. Well I have to say that I feel almost recovered. Its strage to say this when just a few weeks ago I was crying and crying, feeling dreadful and out of touch wit the outside world. I never stayed home or avoided situations. My main problems where the constant mind chatter, intrusive/obssesive thoughts, and loads of fear which started after worrying too much about being sick folloing my fisrt panic attack back in June.
    I still have some symptoms hanging around but I just been living my life to the fullest even when thoughts/fears/sensations may pop up out of nowhere./
    DP has been gone for almost three weeks now 😀
    And recovery def comes in layers… When I think about how I was feeling a month ago there is a HUGE improvement, You dont really notice it but days start to become better and better.
    For example, my anxiety started after thinking and worrying that I was sick and was going to have a heart attack. I started to check what I ate thinking that it was going to raise my cholesterol or sugars. This just became a daily problem until I started to feel strange and thats when anxiety and panic kicked in and then They became my new problem.
    Right now I am “dealing” with the thoughs that stated this “thing”. Any pain or weird feeling in the body will get me thoughts of what if I die now” or “my heart is gonna start”, but i dont get too impressed anymore.
    I feel that with time my tired nerves will stop obssesing about every little pain or sensation as I have always being.

    I want to give everyone the best energy to continue smiling at life because we can ALL get to the other side.

    Ps: I also stopped comming to the site daily. I actually stoped reading posts, And the day I stopped doing that was the day recovery felt closer that ever.

  59. Helen Says:

    Hi Lesley,
    I think Paul means don’t use distraction as a way to try and push anxiety away. You have get on with things but not for the sole reason of trying not to think and you have to let anxiety sit beside you whilst you are doing them.

  60. mike pickavance Says:

    hi guys.
    just in a mini setback at moment wasting my time worrying about certain things that have happened in the past. the thing that i had a panic attack yesterday when i got back from work happened over 8 years ago but because i am in a bit of a setback i had a full blown panic attack and it was bloody awful.
    any help on this would be appreciated.

  61. Paul David(Admin) Says:

    Helen says: Hi Lesley,
    I think Paul means don’t use distraction as a way to try and push anxiety away. You have get on with things but not for the sole reason of trying not to think and you have to let anxiety sit beside you whilst you are doing them.

    Correct Helen, exactly what I mean, it should be a natural distraction, not a forced one.

    I heard one so called expert says in some program to blast some music out to distract yourself from the anxiety, to force you to think about something else.

  62. steveo Says:

    great post paulina.

    i’m trying to not visit the site so much but find it addictive to read stories like yours… but i know that we should take a break from it.

  63. Ross Says:

    Hey Ethel,
    Ye your right don’t be hard on yourself over it, u are in the process of learning about the condition which will then in turn take the fear out of it but what Paul doesn’t want people to do is to rely on here as a crutch because one day you will need to go it alone, maybe I need to take my own advice haha. But I always feel better after i learn something about anxiety and it does take the fear away.

  64. Ross Says:

    My anxiety started about 14 months ago, I didn’t have a clue what was happening it was during a bad hangover and I really felt strange as if I was going to lose control , I do not know how I got through work that night .

    Ever since it’s been up and down and I recently read over pauls book and it was the best I’ve felt in a long time but still nowhere near recovered.

    When It first happened I tried to think my way better I also avoided people and situations that only made it worse, lookin back I wish I had the guts to just be ok with how I felt but at the time I really thought I wAs lost forever.

    I feel though after every setback I come back stronger than ever , it’s just my work I really struggle with I’m in front of Loads of people and it makes my feelings more intense and I guess I’m scared of going mad in front of everyone.

    My anxiety consists of me concentrating on myself, feeling as though I can’t think and I’m not in control of my thoughts . Also I always feel I can’t breathe that happens at work mostly. I suffer badly with dp as if I’m in a different world really really scary, sometimes I feel I’m nothing at all like my mind has been deleted.

    After thinking I had sussed how to accept anxiety i realized after another setback that I wasn’t accepting anxiety at all, so as I was really feeling recovery coming to me I had the mother of all setbacks and feel I’m back at square one so frustrating!!! But all I can do is be ok with all my symptoms and get into my head that nothing bad will ever happen ( I find this hard to believe sometimes!!). I always get a wave of panic when I think about how i used to love life and I basically took it for granted and I feel I’m such a better person for this and really want to help people that are in the same boat. So if u have any questions Ethel I’m here to help :).

    Right now Whenever I feel anxiety I really amnt going to care, in fact I’m going to test it in every situation also I’m going to really get into exercise and really burn off that adrenaline that’s lurking about in my body.

    What’s your story Ethel? And how are you getting on and feeling?

  65. Nic Says:

    Just wondering if anyone had advice about finding a good therapist to help you walk through all of this. I am afraid of cognitive behavioral therapy – as I have read it is about – changing your thoughts from negative to positive. I feel this is the opposite of what Paul/Claire Weekes teach and I don’t want to see someone that would be counterproductive! Thanks

  66. Ross Says:

    Hey nic ,
    Im actually awaiting cbt therapy but I’m unsure now whether to do it as I feel I have everything I need here to get through it.

    What do u mean a therapist? Like some one online?

  67. Helen Says:

    Hi Ethel,
    With regard to coming on here for reassurance and guidance, this is good but should not be constant. Coming on every day when you are trying to recover, in my opinion, is not a good thing as you have to do this on your own. You have to believe and learn that all the awful, terrible things that you are feeling and thinking are caused by anxiety and aren’t going to harm you in any way, you have to believe that you are safe and that no matter how you feel, you will be OK. By coming on here and constantly looking for reassurance you are giving up the strength that you need to build on your own. I know how it feels to be desperate to not feel like you do but you have to just go with it. Reasurrance is good but looking for it constantly shows how frightened you are and how you haven’t yet learnt to accept that this is anxiety.
    Ethel, you need to stop looking for answers and accept that at this point in your life you have anxiety and it is crap. You have to accept that you will have to go through what you are feeling for as long as it takes but please also accept this, YOU WILL RECOVER. You need to be patient with yourself and with anxiety. You HAVE to go through what you are going through right now, you have to let it and carry on with your day, week, month ……
    This is not a critisism Ethel, I am telling you from experience that no amount of gathering information, no amount of information from others about their recovery will assist you until you truly accept anxiety and by coming on here looking for reassurance so much it is clear that you aren’t. I know how hard it is to live with feeling like you do but it is the ONLY way to recover.
    Live your life with anxiety at your side and I promise it will go.

    All the best

  68. Ross Says:

    I never went as I still have the flu pretty bad which I’m hoping is to do with my setback.

    Ethel all is anxiety is is that our alarm system to tell us there is danger is not working and is on high alert for no real reason , this in turn makes us feel as though we are going mad and losing it and we start to avoid situations . The best way ,it sounds easier than it is , is to really try live your life along with these feelings and every time you do that you soon realise you are in control not anxiety!! And nothing bad will ever happen nobody has ever died or lost it due to anxiety never in the history of the world . It really is a scary place especially when you don’t know what is happening but trust me you won’t lose it or go mad.

    What symptoms are you experiencing? And do u get out much now that you have anxiety?

  69. Ross Says:

    Your spot on Helen, by being scared of anxiety means we’re showing it too much respect . I think I need to realise this myself , I just have an inner gut feeling that something bad will happen to me it’s hard to shift

  70. Ross Says:

    I really do sympathize with you, sounds like a move will do you good and being around family and keeping busy really will help you a LOT!!

    What you have to do now is really learn to accept these symptoms when they come in fact invite them and really try to be ok with it , keep your mind focused on what you are doing eg going to shops , or going for a walk.

    Sounds to me like you do need a new focus like a hobby or something, something that will get you out and about and you never know you actually might end up enjoying it.

    What I will say try not to keep ‘figuring’ anxiety out, because you never will , just let it be , it’s entirely normal for you to feel like this after what you have gone through. Next time you feel any symptoms say ‘whatever, stupid anxiety’ and carry on with your day, easier said than Done but with practice you will get there and Ethel one day you will recover!! :) be amazing when we do eh :)

  71. Robbie Says:

    For me the negative thoughts were the last thing to go. The physical symptoms I had were a result of intrusive thoughts and not knowing what brought them on. My main physical symptoms were nausea, headaches, extreme fatigue, insomnia, loss of appetite and a little dp. Once I learned that the thoughts were anxiety based, and how to deal with them, my physical symptoms started to subside. After that, the thoughts were still there, but they no longer made me afraid. It was like after my mind finally realized that these thoughts were not going affect me they left (my thoughts, not my mind, lol!).

    A lot of times I would be just doing my normal thing and then think “hey, I haven’t thought about that in a while” or “man, I’m feeling good today” and the thoughts would come back. I just ignored them and eventually they left.

  72. Nic Says:

    Ross, I guess I am talking about CBT – but I’m afraid that a CBT therapist may not understand this way of approaching anxiety – and I don’t want someone counteracting what I’ve learned here and with Claire Weekes books. I guess I want someone like Paul had gone to – someone who understood this kind of teaching. I’m having a really hard time finding someone. Thank you for your reply.

  73. Nic Says:

    Does anyone else cry a lot due to not wanting to be this way? I am thinking that this is giving in to anxiety – and I know it is self pity. Any comments? Thanks so much.

  74. KM Says:

    Hi Nic,
    I’ve been feeling like this most of the morning, I had some strong feelings of DP on the way to work, I worried about them, i got upset about them, i felt self pity (oh this will never get better) i re-read the chapter in the book about them, i spent my entire morning on it and now i’m over myself completly!! No wonder i’m on the verge of tears, i’ve just given it way to much authority, but its very hard to let go of the HABIT, i’m in the’ one day up one day very down’ roller coaster! And it sucks big time!!

  75. Ben Says:

    So… changing the subject a bit, what is everyones view on drinking Tea ?

    The reason I ask is that there are some obvious changes we can make to our lifestyle that paul mentions – i.e. diet, exercise etc. Now, I have cut out coffee which I definitely feel better for and even if I wasn’t suffering anxiety wouldn’t be a bad thing anyway. However I was thinking of maybe doing the same with tea (as it also contains caffeine albeit to a lesser degree) but have read conflicting reports as to the benefits.

    Thoughts ?

  76. Ross Says:

    Went back to work 2day and felt the worst I’ve ever felt!! I really at some points could not handle it , why I’m a having such a setback? I really hope this is due to a bug Ive had.

    I honestly felt i was going to lose it :( and I cudnt even reassure myself or anything like I usually could. I honestly feel I can’t work any longer . Please help some1?

  77. KH Says:

    Hi Ross,

    I do understand at times when we are in the depth of anxiety, we will find it difficult to motivate ourselves to do anything. It is perfectly alright as I have felt the same way as well, where I would feel that my instinct tells me to go home and hide instead of going to work and meet people. But it is the way we approach these thoughts which matters.

    The thing here is that you should not even question why are you having a setback. Just move on with your life and work as you are supposed to. I know sometimes it’s not easy, especially when you have felt good for some time. But ask yourself, do you really want to go back to the cycle of constant worrying? I am sure that you don’t want to, and the way to do that is to pay no attention to those thoughts and continue with your daily life. You have to strengthen up your willpower, as I did the same as well for myself. It all takes time, and with every setback we go through we are one step closer to recovery.

    What I would suggest is that you try and pay more attention to your work. I know it might be difficult but try your best to focus on completing your work. By doing a good job, you will not only build your own career, but you will also prove that anxiety cannot stop you from doing anything and you are a step closer to recovery.

    Hope that this will serve as a motivation for you to stay strong and continue working! :)

  78. Helen Says:

    Look at what you have written above and then look at how I see it as someone who recovered a while ago:

    You: I really at some points could not handle it.
    Me: Clearly he did or he wouldn’t be writing this post

    You: Why am I having such a setback?
    Me: He is asking this because he is scared of how he feels, where it might lead to. He is probably asking himself questions like ‘what if i never recover, what if it isn’t due to the bug i’ve had’

    You: I honestly felt like I was going to lose it
    Me: But he didn’t because it was just a feeling.

    You: I couldn’t reassure myself or anything like I really could.
    Me: Why would he, he was having a really bad time but he was frightened and wanted it to go away quickly. He probably then made it worse wondering why he couldn’t reassure himself.

    You: I honestly feel I can’t work any longer
    Me: He is associating anxiety with work and this is never the case, it just feels that way because you are supposed to perform and behave in a certain way and this makes it seem worse when you are at work.

    Ross, you are having a setback, it may be down to the bug, it may not but you KNOW that trying to find answers, trying to figure it all out will not help at all. You can work and probably need to work so accept that you may have more days like this, or you may not, but if you do accept it for what it is, a bad day. You aren’t going to lose it and you can handle it, you just need to start believing that.

    All the best

  79. Ross Says:

    Cheers kh, it’s the physical feelings that I’m struggling with and i always have too much time on my hands to think .

    I really couldn’t work or even concentrate 2day it felt beyond anxiety that’s why I’m hoping it’s an illness aswell as anxiety. I felt adrenaline surge after adrenaline surge couldn’t speak to anyone and I even excercised today which usually calms me .

    I think cos my anxiety is such a big secret I’m so scared of anyone noticing I’m acting strange, I feel I need time out to really address my issues .

  80. KH Says:

    Hi Ben,

    In my opinion, I think drinking tea is fine as it’s caffeine level is much lower as compared to coffee. I personally only drink green tea, as it has certain benefits for our health from what I have read. Though one thing which I try to avoid is to develop a habit of drinking it everyday, to stop myself from being reliant on the caffeine from the tea. I usually only drink 2 – 3 times in a week.

    But it’s actually very subjective, and it depends on every person’s preference. If you are truly dedicated to building a healthy lifestyle, then by all means replace tea with something else better, e.g. fruit juice or milk. But I believe that it is alright if we take it once in a while, so long as it does not become a habit for us to drink it everyday.

  81. KH Says:

    Hi Ross,

    I agree with what Helen says. There is no need to question anything at all, because you will never find any answers. That is why we are always stuck in the cycle of anxiety, because we never find answers to our questions, and eventually new questions will surface and become obsessive thoughts which naturally make us worry even more. Just accept that today a bad day, and move on with the firm believe that more good day will come so long as you continue to live your life.

  82. Ross Says:

    Cheers Helen,

    I know you are bang on right and i know myself I shouldn’t give in to anxiety and I should let it be there.

    Ye I always feel worse at work because I’m in front of everyone and I have to stay in a certain place, I just really believe I am about to lose it when I’m at work , I know how irrational and stupid I’m being

  83. Ross Says:

    Kh and Helen,
    Thanks so much for your replies means everything to me.

  84. Ross Says:

    Kh or Helen?

    Have any of you felt like there is too many memories of anxiety at there place of work?

    I always feel worse at work and my type of job doesn’t help , but cos it’s been over a year now a change in job I feel would-be beneficial, or is that giving into anxiety?

  85. Amanda Says:

    Hi Ross, i fully understand how your feeling at the moment i went back to work in november after been off sick for two months, it was very hard going back and has been a real struggle but this last week has been a nightmare on a daily basis ( mainly early in the day) i feel really horrible like i am about to lose my mind its the scariest feeling ever i have been ready to give up on so many occasions ,but ive carried on because i know if i give up work again what will i do ? i will just sit at home and dwell on how bad im feeling at least while im working i feel i have a purpose my partner thinks its the stress of work that is making me ill again i have accepted its just a setback and i am going to carry on hope good days come to you and us all very soon .

  86. louise Says:

    Hi paul, hi everyone old and new, well i was just having a wee look through some of my older posts, cant belive a couple of yrs have passed since i first came on here!! How time flies! Its really got me thinking…… one i was talking about making a phonecall, i was terrified, how i hated being around other people, how ifelt like an open book, always on edge, i could go forever, i had it all!! Its been 3 yrs since i finally went for help, and ive came along way in those years. Ive been reading over alot of the posts and i must say i can identify with most of them. My heart goes out to the people who are really suffering, it brings back some unpleasant memories, but at the samt time ive got to add that everything i went through has made me a stronger person today, ill never be the most confident of people, nor do i wish to be, but i have empathy for others and a strong intuition of how others are feeling, anxiety taught me this, ive learned and got through the hard way, but im still an anxious person, but thats ok because i have no fear anymore. My body still reacts to certain situations, my heart will race, doubt will try to creep in, but i have learned the ability to quash these feelings, by carrying on regardless!!

    Im doing a health and fitness cours at college, ive actually got to take a class for a whole hour myself, being assessed by the tutor!! Its nerve wracking. im terrified!! Last year, id have left the course, today, ill do it, ill probably stutter, flush, feel a bit odd……….but i dont care, anxiety no longer rules my life.

    I so hope that everyone on here believes in themselves and recovery, dont allow yourself to live in fear…remind yourself everymornig how short life is……this is no practise run…….theres no second chances…… should not be lived in fear……..embrace anxiety……..xxxx

  87. T Says:

    Hey guys. Some of you might remember me, Had anxiety for a year and 2 months now. but I was really struggling first 6 months, then got better, and during the summer I was doing really really good. 99% back to my normal self without stupid thoughts, even when they would come I didn’t pay attention because I knew that I shouldn’t and they would leave my head. But now I think I am having a big setback or something. Weird thought started again and cant accept them like I did before, tried to accept them and let them be, had a fight with my mom yesterday and snapped, started crying and punching and throwing the pillow out of frustration and anger. We talked , I calmed myself, went to bed, feeling relatively OK but this morning I woke up with the feeling that I didn’t have for like 7 months. I felt weird and I think sad, like I just want to cry. Had Spanish class early in the morning, I went, and went to dentist and shop and everything I had to do even though I really wanted to cancel and crawl back to bed. I am again having the thought what if I am depressed and end up killing myself. And I know its a typical anxiety thought but since I do have some “real” problems I am afraid that I am really depressed and might do something out of desperation or losing control. I really was doing good and never thought I would be in the same position I was one year ago. Please, I guess I am looking for a little reassurance and advice. Although I know everything and have been through soo much and have Paul’s book, I really needed to vent here, because I have nowhere else and this place was my saving grace when I was at my worst. I feel like I am slipping in a dark hole again and it hard because I was doing so good.

  88. Robbie Says:

    A very similar this happened to me. I was fine for almost 2 years and then all of a sudden, the intrusive thoughts started coming back. I had the exact same one as you “what if I get depressed and kill myself.” I’m almost out of my setback, but it through me for a loop at first. Go back to the basics, ignore those thoughs, don’t react to them. The good thing about anxiety is that it means you are not losing control. If you were losing control, you wouldn’t even think about whether or not you’re lossing control.
    It’s anxiety again, you know it is, but the difference is that you now know what it is, you now know how to get past this, and you now know that you will recover. Just ignore the thoughts and don’t let it run your life. I can tell you from experience that the setback, while frustrating, was no where near as intense as it was 2 years ago.

  89. Mike Hoover Says:


    You’re gonna be alright. Don’t put too much stock in what happened yesterday. Move forward. Listen: Yesterday we got a heavy snow where I live in Virginia. I slipped off the road, did about a 180. I managed to get back on the road thank goodness. My heart was pounding. I was more self aware than ever. I was shaking. I decided to drive to my friend’s house to calm down. She lived only about 4 miles away. On her street, I was driving a regular speed, and tried to stop and this time spun out of control, did a complete 360. I was so nerve racked, I just drove home. Heart pounding, nervous, shaking, feeling like I was gonna throw up and my head was gonna explode. I got home laid down thinking exactly this: “I can’t be like this anymore, I’m going to have to kill myself. My nerves will never heal. etc. etc.” My buddy called, and said, “wanna hang out at my place, watch a movie?” I said, “Screw it, I couldn’t feel any worse…might as well go.”

    Hung out, had a great night, forgot my troubles after being there for about an hour. Spent the night, woke up, and had a day (today) feeling better than i have in months.

    You are gonne get out of this. Just say, “I’m gonna live like normal, no matter what.” Have faith. You can get out of your head. Just spend time with some matter how terrible it feels at first.


  90. Mike Hoover Says:


    The point of that post is: A good day may be right around the corner. Give it some time, but don’t stop doing things that are fun or semi/fun

  91. james Says:

    Hello Everyone,

    Haven’t checked in for the past few days. I’ve actually been doing pretty well, I can see the difference and see the old me coming out! I know it’s not gonna happen over night and in time I’ll get there. Still have these thoughts that pop up that still concern me for some reason. When they pop up I just tell myself this is silly but I feel like the more this happens the more they’ll stay there and I’ll end up going crazy. The encouraging part is there not as strong as the they use to be, any one can relate to this? and should I worry about going insane from this? hah I know it sounds silly but if someone could answer that would be great :)

  92. jess Says:

    To make a very long story short the situations in my life made me this person that fears everything in the world. never sees a better life. and never believes I’ll ever know who i truly am. My mom &dad split when i was 5. she quickly married a man. Basically gave up parenting and gave me to him. he molested mom didn’t believe me. never really saw my dad he was on drugs At 15 yrs old i found a hidden video camera in my room. my stepdad wired it all through the house so that he could watch me from every room with little computers. he admitted he was in love with me. I later found out that the video camera system was hooked up for about 7 years. i was devastated.i told and showed my mom & she screamed at me when i thought she would divorce him. I begged her to at least move somewhere else with me. She finally said yes when i said i wouldn’t speak to her again. we lived in an apt for a year.i instantly got into drugs.instead of my dad being protective he tried getting back with my mom. I realized that no one cared about me. not a single person in my entire family tried to even talk to me. i met a guy, stopped doing drugs. wanted to change my life around. wanted to forgive everyone in my life b/c i knew i had to in order to get better. I wasn’t ready to forgive any of them. I married him at 20. stopped talking to my family for a year and 1/2. my anxiety got so bad i couldn’t leave my house. On top of it my husbands family are the most incompassionate selfish ppl i ever i went right into another bad family. Finally forgave my family. My anxiety eased up but now I dont know how to have friends. I can’t have relationships with ppl.i dont even know how to talk to ppl i live in my own mind. trapped. everyday is the same for me. I see myself as nothing. like no one could ever love or even like me. I care so much about ppl. im a very kind person, but i dont think anyone seems to care. im like an object in the room that ppl dont pay any mind to. when i try talking to ppl i freeze my heart races i start sweating i look like an idiot trying to have a normal conversation. my mind goes blank so ill just say something and ill get looked at like im weird. I’m only comfortable around my husband. i dont even know why he loves me.. b/c theres really nothing to love. I just want this nightmare to end. I don’t want to do this anymore. if you have any advice for me i would really appreciate it. There are a lot more situations that have happened.. those a only a few but those are probably the most devastating. . It’s like I look at everyone around me and I’m like why can’t i be like them? why is it so hard for me to just be .. a person? just normal.. to me it almost seems impossible.

  93. Ross Says:

    Hey Amanda,
    Thanks for the reply , ye I often think that my jobs stresses have a part to play on how I feel. Deep down I feel a change in job will help me break my anxiety cycle as there is so many bad memories/habits I have at work.

    I know I have to work eg money but i’ve had enough of it, I think the more I dread it though the worse it will be , I was so tensed up at work the other day scared I was going to lose control and go bonkers and shout for help haha, now I can see I was feeling bad because I was scared I was going to feel a certain way , I really have to be ok with whatever feeling may come my way (easier said than done!!!!) I will prevail!!!! I have to . I think setbacks are really hard because you can get so frustrated especially after how well you have been doing .

  94. Helen Says:

    Hi Ross,
    If your job is stressful and you truly believe that you need a change then that’s OK but if your job is stressful because you have anxiety and you have built up habits and memories because of that then I wouldn’t change. Anxiety is fear based and you need to face it and feel it to recover. You need to break the memories and habits you have built up by not being frightened of how you feel at work. Then when you can think ‘actually I think I fancy a change in job’ without anxiety attached to it, that is the time to go.

    All the best

  95. KH Says:

    Hi James,

    I can really relate to what you are feeling right now as I experienced the exact same feeling. Because we don’t pay any attention to anxiety-related thoughts, when they do haunt us we will feel like we are going to go insane because we do not have the answers to our thoughts. But the key here is to continue on with this mentality, do not go back to constant worrying and search for the answers. Then eventually it will become an effortless process to pay no attention to the thoughts.

    I am not exactly there yet, but I believe with time I will eventually reach there. Since my last setback, I have been doing quite well and I am not afraid if a setback strikes me. If it comes, so be it and I will live on with my life. I hope that you can use the same method, don’t be afraid and over time you will be able to recover.

    Keat Hoe

  96. James Says:

    Thanks KH! I feel like I’m almost there…it seems like this is my last problem to being fully healed from this. If I had a timeline to when this first started to today, I feel like it will show a dramatic result. For the first time suffering from this I think my body and mind is still in shock, but I believe soon I’ll be ok to live my life normal again. :)

  97. samantha Says:


    i dont know if anyone remembers me but i followed exactly pauls advice along with claire weekes . i am fully recovered now , living my life and enjoting every minute of it.

    i wont bore you with my story only just to say everything i read on here was me and it took me 2 years to recover completely. i now have no anxiety or depression. i finished my degree did a post graduate and i am in the future doing a masters so if i can do you all can . i use what i have learnt with many of my clients who have anxiety and depression.
    good luck everyone you will get there and thats when you realize what a strong person you are and your confidence grows.

    samantha xxxxxxxxxxxxx

  98. T Says:

    Robbie but what worries me is that I woke up SAD. Feeling down and like i will burst into tears. I mean that seems more like depression than anxiety. And since I have a chronic lung disease and some other family issues I am scared that I will get so depressed and kill myself. And since those problems are real what if my fear of killing is then real? you know what I mean. But I don’t want to kill myself, I am terrified of dying, I mean I have a huge panic attack whenever I think something is wrong physically with me. And I know how much my parents would suffer and there is always hope that one day things will get better no matter what problem you have. So really I don’t want to do that, I just want to enjoy life and live the best as I can. But what is I get so depressed and decide to end it all out of desperation or lose control and do that. it really is bothering me:(

  99. Ross Says:

    Cheers Helen thanks for your advice :) I’m off to feel the fear bring it on :)

  100. Robbie Says:

    It sounds like from reading your post that the emotional roller coaster you experienced the night before contributed to you waking up feeling sad. Everyone feels sad every now and then, it’s normal. Do you still feel sad?
    Regardless of whether you have anxiety or depression, the steps to recovery are still the same. It’s basically a shift in attitude. So, use the skills you’ve learned – live your life, get plenty of exercise, eat right, and do things you enjoy. You said it yourself, you’ll feel better in time.
    Your anxiety is making you take depression and turn it into a worst case scenario. Believe me, I know! The thought of killing yourself is so distressing to you that it is causing anxiety symptoms.
    As I mentioned before, I had the same fears and thoughts. The fear I would become depressed, hate life and end it all. At first I didn’t know what they meant, but after I learned they were caused by anxiety, I was able to deal with it a lot better.
    Again, go back to the basics and allow time to get you past this. You did it once, you can do it again.

  101. Joe Says:

    Hi T,

    I had the same problem. For quite some time, I had a terror that I would one day just ‘lose it’ and kill myself. Like you, the very idea of doing that horrified me. It was not something I wanted to do, and deep down I knew that. When we have anxiety, thoughts tend to stick more than they would otherwise. Thoughts that the non-anxious you could brush off and even laugh at seem so very real because of the intense anxious reaction they bring with them. With your fear of suicide, you hate the thought so much that the emotional/fearful reaction you get from it is perhaps stronger than other strange thoughts you get. It doesn’t mean that it’s real (that it’s something you’d seriously consider acting on); it just means that you hate it. “What-if” thoughts like, “I wonder if I have it in me to kill myself,” or “What if I snap and do it? Could I?” are you testing yourself. Could it be that the reason you are doing this is that, in the back of your mind, you still think that some fairly serious, deep-rooted mental problem may be causing you to feel as you do? If you do, this may be why your reaction to these thoughts is so forceful. If you recognize and BELIEVE that the only reason you are reacting this way to these thoughts is that you currently have anxiety, you might be able to dismiss them a lot easier. In fact, I’m sure of it :)

  102. Lesley Says:

    Thank you Helen and Paul for your reply/advice, samantha how lovely to read your post x

  103. Nicola Says:

    Thanks Samantha for checking back and posting about your recovery! xx

  104. steveo Says:

    Great post Samantha – so nice to read :-)

  105. Joe Says:

    Hi everyone,
    Since my dp/dr came back i keep on getting these strange thoughts coming back that are saying “you might have had a mental breakdown last year not a nervous breakdown”. This thought i think has now triggered this horrible self awareness where it it feels as if im scared of my own conscious thoughts incase they dont make sense. For e.g. i have a english A level retake in a weeks time and whenever im trying to work out the meaning of a Hamlet quotes i get these bombardments of thoughts saying ” what does that mean” and then when ive come to a conclusion about what something means my thoughts ask again ” does your writing make sense, does thatreally make sense to you”. I dont want to depress anybody but its got to a point where when im watching tv, i seem to focusing on what people are saying and testing myself to see if i understand what there on about. I know its silly madness, but its scaring the hell out of me, its like have i gone mad or iam going mad, sorry before this last week ive been completely fine and really thought i was getting over my anxiety for good but this weird feeling of me going mad and the world not making sense and thoughts feel like they put me back to square one again or worse. Its As if i keep worrying about everything :(

    Could someone please give some advice on how to get past this silly irrational state. :)

  106. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    I remember you Samantha and thanks for coming back, a lot of people do come back and tell us they are now completely recovered and it is great inspiration for others and proves a few things.

    1. How you feel now has no bearing on how you feel in a few months time

    2. It is not an overnight thing, no matter what others out there promise you.

    3. That everyone can recover, it is not a chosen thing, there was no one and I mean no one I have met that was in the hole I was in.

    4. That the person who was told above in this post that anyone who says they have recovered is a liar and you just have to cope with it is talking utter rubbish !!!

    Good luck samantha with the rest of your life, I remember that feeling of having your life back and nothing compares to it.

  107. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    By the way just a quick request, the main site is having a revamp with some new pages on soon. Success stories has been mentioned as another page and I have an idea for another, but if anyone has any ideas or views on what would be a good extra page to add then please feel free to put them forward.

    Thanks Paul

  108. James Says:

    Hey guys,

    Just a quick update, everything seems to be going away and I couldn’t be happier right now. I still have a few thoughts pop up but there not strong and overbearing like they use to be. The only part I’m scared about is me being able to show some emotion again like anger or sadness. I feel like if I get angry those thoughts will pop up again and I’ll just revert back to my anxiety. I think I’ll be fine in time, I’m almost there so there no sense in getting worked up over this again. :)

  109. Rachael Says:

    Hi everyone,

    Can I please get some encouragement from some people that understand? I haven’t posted in a while cos I’ve been doing really well, but an old problem haunts me – I can’t bear the sound of people typing.

    I’ve changed careers this year, something I’m very proud of and finally doing what I love. I didn’t even notice the woman typing in the office next door at first. Then lo and behold, I picked up on it and now it’s starting to ruin my days again. I know how crazy this sounds that’s why here’s the only place I can talk about it, but I can see myself spiralling again (listening out for every keystroke, unable to think/speak/function when it starts/brooding about it all evening/can’t bear going to work).

    The problem is I’m not that busy, so I can’t always ‘carry on’ with what I’m doing cos I’ve nothing on, and that makes it worse.

    I know my mind is capable of ignoring/not hearing it, because before anxiety it wasn’t even on my radar! I just really could do with some reassurance right now that I’ll move past this, and I need to dismiss it for what it is: an anxiety symptom.
    It’s just FRUSTRATING when it’s the one thing that won’t let you go!!

    Thanks everyone. x

  110. Helen Says:

    Hi James,
    You sound like you are doing brilliantly but one thing I can detect in your post is that you are waiting to be better. That is why you are concerned about any feeling that may ‘revert you back to anxiety’. When you truly need to feel anger or sadness, without anticipating how you are going to feel (because that is what you are doing right now) you will be fine and you will do what you need to do to get by. The anxiety part is waiting for these feelings, anticipating how you may or may not feel and this is just pointless. Things are going to happen in your life that make you angry or sad, it is inevitable but don’t deal with feelings before they happen. Today, you feel happy so enjoy it. You don’t know what tomorrow may bring and you need to accept this and you need to trust in yourself that whatever any day brings you, you will cope just fine. It is dealing with tomorrow’s feelings today that anxiety just loves! Enjoy being happy today.

    All the best

  111. James Says:

    Thank you very much Helen!

    That is very true, my problem is I always think about the next day and how I’ll feel if something should occur. I just need to focus on the present. But to everyone feeling down, I was in your shoes where you read people’s post about being 100% fine and thinking I’ll never get there, but let me tell you I’m almost there and so will you guys!

  112. Molly Says:

    Hi, this is my first post here. I’ve been reading the blog for a couple of weeks and it’s really helped me understand and make progress so I just wanted to say thanks! :)

    So I’m 16 and I’ve only had anxiety for little over a month (9th December). There was no trigger, I was just sat at school in the middle of maths and bam! I felt like I was going to faint! These sensations lasted the whole day and I thought I just had low blood sugar or low blood pressure perhaps (I know now that they were rushes of adrenaline.) I went home from school on the Thursday and expected to be better the next day. That weekend my mum and step-dad went on a cruise for two days and I got alot, lot worse when they were away. I was having panic attacks whilst it was only my step brother and I and it was scary. I went to see the doctor on Sunday and and explained how I felt at 100mph with tears in my eyes and luckily he knew straight away what it was.
    My school has been great and I feel as though even though it’s early days I’m making progress. I went back to school on the first day after Christmas and was quickly overwhelmed walking through crowded corridors, but I didn’t run. Even when I’m in lessons and I feel out of it and fidgety I know I must stay and as such I’m proud of myself. I understand that to recover, you must give your body the break it is asking for and not fight the symptoms, just allow yourself to feel them. But I’m struggling a little bit here and was wondering if anyone could give me some advise.

    When I’m in a lesson and I start to feel panicky and get adrenaline rushes, I say to myself ‘just hang on another half an hour.’ And by saying this I’m fighting it and wishing the symptoms away. When I’m at home it’s much easier to just let yourself feel ‘out of it,’ but the reason I fight it at school is because I’m scared of embarrassing myself by either crying out of nowhere (what I do when I have a panic attack) or by having to get up and walk out of class and worry about what people must think is wrong with me. But otherwise I’m ‘living life like I don’t have it’ by going to friend’s birthday parties and going shopping to busy places (even if I’m holding my mum’s hand the whole time) and I feel optimistic about getting better. It’s just school where I get a little stuck.

    Thank you for any help :) x

  113. Michelle Z Says:

    Paul – I would love to see something more speaking directly about depression. Of course, we are depressed because of the anxiety, scary thoughts, etc., etc. But it sounds like it’s very difficult for some people (including me) to accept as part of the anxiety and the whole process. It would be comforting and helpful for people to realize that it is part of the process. It doesn’t mean they will be depressed forever. They just have to accept those feelings, along with the anxiety symptoms, scary thoughts and move on with living their lives. It would be wonderful if it were an overnight process, but as we all learn, it is not. I am up and I am down. Two steps forward, one step back. But just keep hanging in there and BELIEVE it is possible and full recovery will happen. Thanks for all you do, Paul, and to the others who come back to say how well they are doing and to support those who are still struggling! WE CAN DO IT!!

  114. steph Says:

    hi every one im new tol this site but after reading pauls book alot of what anxiety is has actually made sense. I have suffered for a while now after having my second daughter and its at times scared me to the death. But reading the book and all the comments on here obviously everyone can get better and do get better so im trying to be brave and follow everyones advice but it is hard. But i need to break it now otherwise it will rule me forever so any advice you have would be much appreciated. Just when you think your starting to get better something happens in your mind or body to tell you otherwise. But well done to all of you who have or are recovering as unless you have been there no one really understands. Also to Paul you book has given me hope again thank you. I will beat it !!

  115. KM Says:

    Hi Michelle,
    THats a great idea for a post and one that i would really appreaciate. I’ve been doing my best to try not let anxiety and symptoms get to me, I went out for dinner with friends last night, even though i was anxious the entire time, i still managed to enjoy myself. What’s difficult is a few months ago i would of went out for dinner without at thought and just had a great time, I feel my spirit is broken at the emotional energy it takes to get through the day, each day i awake and dont feel good, i feel dread, and a whole ‘what the point’, I move throught these thoughts and get on with the job of living as i know i’ve lived most my life not feeling like this, and try not to get caught up in the ‘bluff’ of it, but like Michelle says, its really depressing. Some thoughts on how you managed to keep your spirit up and keep moving foward. I have a great life, great child, partner job etc. I shouldn’t be anxious and depressed, but because i’ve gone through this before I know the road of recovery is really tough, and this thought is bringing me down. I agree Michelle we can do it!!
    Regards, KM

  116. Ross Says:

    Hey everyone,
    As some you know I recently had a setback and I’m actually glad I did because I got some great advice on here and I am feeling I really have the attitude now to recover.

    I went back to work, felt everything adrenaline pumping all the terrible feellings that come with it but I knew the only way to recover is to accept these feelings and go against my feelings of fear and I did :) I walked around as if I never had it , I spoke to everyone no matter how I felt and NOTHING happened!! I did have a couple of scary moments wont lie but I just said to myself ‘feel the fear and carry on’ and the feeling passed , now I feel I see anxiety in a different way now as if I now know it’s not dangerous :)

    Thank god for this really feels like a victory , cheers for all the support guys.

    One question though…I don’t want my attitude to slip so is it healthy to have a read over the book now and again? Just to sort Of remind me ?

  117. yolande Says:

    Hi all

    Numbed head

    i have been doing pretty good lately. however i do want to ask abt feeling numbed head. it’s like at work i wud feel suddenly at a loss of how to do a process when i have done it before or like i read something and it doesnt register and have to re-read it..

    i am almost recovered but this thing is still hanging on – can someone pls adv if this is normal for someone who is at 95%?

    i had this feeling in my early stages of anxiety it went off for a while and now it’s back.

    just need some advice and if scarlet or helen or anyone can advise i wud greatly appreciate it


  118. yolande Says:

    Hi rachael,

    I remember you and your problem with the typing sounds. it’s ok – it’s sensitised nerves. your body and mind is probably too cued into how you felt before and brought you back to that stage where you are v aware of it. it will go. just learn to live with it or listent o the sounds without dread. i felt this too early in my condition. ppl talking too loudly drove me nuts. then i kinda got used to it, and my mind sort of switched it off – or at least partly so i am not so tuned in to it anymore.

    try this. it might help. dont worry it’s just habit as Paul used to say.

  119. james Says:


    Just a quick question for everyone. With having disturbing thoughts and negative thoughts. Everyone says they go away and don’t worry, however ever since the end of November I started to have them mostly everyday. They are slowing going away but still pop up every now and again and I don’t understand how it’ll stop. I feel like I’m training my mind to always think this way. I try fighting them and just think it’ll go away but I’m worried I’m just gonna end up going crazy in the end. It’s just hard to talk to people aboout this because of how scary these feelings are…it just sucks :/

  120. Bobby Says:

    Hey everyone,

    Thought I would leave a post of encouragement. My anxiety started last March and it took a few months of suffering to find this website and get the proper help. I can say that the months of suffering without the proper understanding of anxiety was truly a living hell for me. My symptoms got bad real quick and it didnt take my mind and body long to become totally racked with anxiety.

    Well I can now say I’ve recovered from anxiety with Paul’s teaching alone. Trust in what he says and trust that everything you are feeling are just HARMLESS symptoms of anxiety. I tried to keep everything simple in my mind when recovering and the best thing I can tell anyone is “Anxiety will begin to let go of you when you let go of it”.

    Paul, thank you so much for this website and the book. I spent 3 horrible months thrashing my mind and body with worry and stress over my symptoms and I really dont want to know what I would be like today if I hadn’t have found your help. I can’t believe anxiety isn’t more widely understood and treated correctly (I saw a therapist for 3 months who didnt help me a bit, actually encouraged me down the “fix it yourself” road which obviously made me worse). Anyways I am so grateful and I owe my recovery to you. I am sorry you had to suffer for so long without the proper help but you are now providing it. Thanks for showing me the right path and helping me get back life back.

  121. Rachael Says:

    Thanks Yolande, I do need to be reminded that it’s sensitised nerves because I keep turning it into something so much bigger in my head. I go over how crazy it is that this everyday sound is destroying my life, which leads me to thinking I’m mad, nobody could ever understand, I’ll never be able to hold down a job etc etc. Classic panic cycle! It’s just tough cos it’s the one thing that I can’t seem to apply Paul’s advice to successfully – infuriating!!

    When I read other peoples’ ‘sticky’ symptoms – James like your negative thoughts above – I always think ‘lucky them, that’s an easy one. Nobody has ever experienced anything like my thing with typing sounds’. But it’s a different thing for everyone, and I think one of anxiety’s favourite tricks is to give you a really awful final symptom to live with so you think you can never escape.

    James, I had a hard time with negative thoughts at one point too and was diagnosed with OCD – in my opinion a completely incorrect diagnosis. I had horrible thoughts about stuff happening to me etc which I’d allow to drag me down but I did learn to dismiss them. They still pop up now and then but they’re almost funny to me at this stage. It sounds like you’re coming out of it, if they’re less frequent, but don’t let them suck you back in cos they still pop up now and again. It’s normal and believe me they’ll go.

    Happy Monday everybody.

  122. KH Says:

    Hi James,

    I can really relate myself with what you are currently experiencing. Like you, I have disturbing thoughts which are very persistent, but are getting better and better. Yes, it is indeed very scary and we often felt like we are going to lose ourselves and give in to anxiety thoughts.

    Like Paul said, it is never an overnight recovery, and the thing is to give it as much time as it needs, as long as there is an improvement. After 3 months, I have recovered so much as compared to how I was 3 months ago. Disturbing thoughts don’t seem so scary anymore, and they pop out as frequent. I use this as a motivation to continue on my journey to recovery, as I believe that I have came so far, I will definitely be able to recover. I believe you must hold the same believe as well, that you are not going crazy. Give it as much time as possible, as what we want is true recovery, where we will be able to handle anxiety if we were to face it in the future, not speed recovery, where we recover fast but if we face anxiety in the future we would enter the entire cycle of worrying again.

    Hope that this will be able to give you the confidence and motivation. I agree how difficult it is to talk to people about this, as an ordinary person would never understand how awful it feels. But don’t worry, there are so many out there who has experienced the same thing as you did, just like I did as well. :)

  123. KH Says:

    Sorry I made a mistake in my post above, I meant to type that disturbing thoughts don’t seem so scary anymore, and they pop out not as frequent.

  124. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Great to see you doing so well Bobby and you are correct, recovery is not complicated, understanding anxiety helps so much as it takes the fear out of it, but recovery itself should not be over complicated and I love your saying ‘Anxiety will begin to let go of you when you let go of it’ I did all the fighting and thrashing and spent years trying to fix it, if only someone could of shown me the way early it would have saved years of my life and the reason I set the site up and wrote the book, I would not want anyone else to waste so many years through a lack proper information.

    Michelle I like the idea of a page ‘Anxiety and depression’ there is a lot to be said on this subject.


  125. James Says:

    Thanks KH!

    Yea last night was a bad night I woke up around 3am and could feel my adreniline pumping and I thought constants worrying thoughts and couldn’t sleep at all. I just think the biggest fear I have with the thoughts is I’m training my brain to constantly have these. I’m worried the more and more I have these the more natural it will be and in the long run will ruin my possibly relationships and just life in general.

  126. Michelle Z Says:

    Hi KH & James – I struggle big time with obsessive, scary thoughts. Some of my thoughts are not even what most people would consider scary, but since I can’t get it out of my head, I fear that it will never go away. This has been my most difficult struggle. I don’t want to go into detail because I don’t want someone else to “pick-up” my obsessive thoughts as their own, but there are some I don’t even see on here. And I get it that we must get to the point that they just don’t matter. Believe they are just a release for the adrenaline and nothing more. Sometimes I can do it and sometimes I can’t. I am hoping that if I continue on with saying “Whatever” when they come that at some point, I will really feel that way. Occasionally, I can laugh at one and I think that is a big secret with this, too. Laugh at them. Make a joke out of them. I guess most of the time I find it very difficult to find humor in them. But I continue to strive to allow them to just be. Yes, difficult, but obviously, from so many posts here, doable.

    Thanks, Paul, for looking into a page on Anxiety and Depression. Depression is so much a part of this process and one I’ve struggled with greatly. I have even obsessed about the depression and I’ve seen other people post that they are concerned they are struggling with depression and it’s not anxiety and they won’t recover. I’m truly finding that as I follow your advice about anxiety with the depression as well that it follows the same path as the anxiety. So in other words, if I pay it no mind and get on with my day/life, that it eases up and it certainly does not get worse. And, in fact, does get better. Thanks again for being willing to share your knowledge and continue to support those of us still struggling. You are a God-send to so many!

    Blessings to all,

  127. James Says:

    hello Michelle,

    I feel the same way…some of the stuff is just scary. For me it’s like everytime I have a clear thought and just move on, it’ll just come creeping back and I go through the same process over and over again. This is why I’m nervous I’m training myself to have these problems.

  128. peter Says:

    Hi Michelle,

    Yep these obsessive thoughts are tough cookies and whether they be benign or the most horrific thing you could imagine, they can be just as destructive. Believe me you won’t have had a thought that numeous people on here won’t have had before. I’ve had the lot from the most benign to the most horribel and its always about the people I care most for. It almost destroyed me when I first had them and they were incessant 24/7. Gradually over time they did dissipate as I got on with my life. Unfortunately when my wife became pregnant they came back with a vengeance. That was 18 months ago when my anxiety was sky high. It is important to say its the anxiety that causes the thoughts…NO anxiety no thoughts.

    At this point I saw an excellent therapist who put me on the right track and this was reinforced when I found this web site. There is no easy way around these thoughts just pay them no mind, don’t give them importance, take the fear and importance away and they will pale into insignificance. They can still come out times but you will learn not to take any notice of them and they will not affect you. I am very good at dealing with them but even now they can catch me out and cause me to have a bad day but they are few and far between.

    These are no the horrible thoughts but more questioning ones suchas “do I love my family etc” They are just a bit of a pest rather than the destructive force they used to be. I have been anxious all my life and this was polished up by some very horrible life events, some due to anxiety some not. Believe me if I can get a grip on these thoughts then anyone can

  129. James Says:

    Thanks allot Paul for sharing that! That makes me feel allot better, I like it when you say No anxiety no thoughts. I feel once I learn to control/ get rid of my anxiety these will go away. I just feel somewhat good knowing there’s parts in my days where I feel like the old me so I guess that’s always a good sign. :)

  130. James Says:

    I’m sorry I meant Peter!…but also thanks for everything you do paul! :)

  131. Rebecca Says:

    Hello Everyone & Happy new year :-)
    Been a while since i last visited the site and things have been really good overall. I remember when i first found this site just how happy i was to understand what was going on and that i wasn’t going completely MAD! Also, that i wasn’t alone and the only one suffering with anxiety.

    Hi James, i have read your above comments and i remember exactly how you were feeling, I used to get intrusive negative thoughts quite alot, they would sometimes last for a few days on and off or a week or more which i remember being the worst time of my life. I kept finding myself thinking ‘am i going mad’ ‘what do these thoughts mean’ ‘will they ever go away’ etc. That was the worst time purely because i was giving them SO MUCH thought but it is very true, if you just let the thoughts come in and say ‘it’s ok’ or ‘whatever’ in time the thoughts hold less and less importance. Intrusive and negative thought patterns have been my main symptom of anxiety and for people that have experienced this you will understand the pain and upset they cause. However, over time the scariness of these thoughts do fade, your mind and body start to notice them as just thoughts not actions. I have been having thoughts on and off for a few years now and i have got to the point where i hardly experience them at all, i did however notice that if i am feeling down, abit unloved i.e. partner working all the time and always tired or something unpleasant happening to me negative thoughts do come back, this i guess is because the anxiety is there. These thoughts are definitely not as scary as they used to be, i usually say to myself ‘ stupid thoughts’ then just get on with my life. I now see the anxiety as being part of me and i will always have it but i now know that i can control my life and not let the anxiety live my life for me. :-)

  132. ian Says:

    Try for a, partly, positive post, I did my first Audax bike ride for the year on Saturday – 100km, in strong headwinds and rain/flooding/mud, which was obviously not the weather I was hoping for. Not as unfit as I thought I was, and obviously nothing too wrong with me physically.

    Considering Paul’s response to Si at present – being kind to myself, something I am definately not, and how somehow everything I ‘try’ to do/think about it, no matter how rooted in the idea of acceptance, just ends up being resistance and/or just thinking about ‘it’.

  133. steveo Says:

    So… I can do this shift of attitude for so long but then throughout the day it still gets me. I even try and stay away from using the blog as reassurance every day but find myself addicted to reading the reassuring stories of recovery.

    I started today feeling okay (ish) but as the day progresses at work, I get worse until relaxing much later at home and looking forward to sleeping. The thoughts of, will I ever feel normal again, will I be my happy self again, will I struggle so much to work and then lose my job, then my wife etc – blah, blah, blah!

    I do honestly and deep down think I am slowly getting better, even if only 0.001% every day and my mind is trying to tell me otherwise, but I need to stop pushing it and analyzing myself and whether I will ever feel back to my normal self again.

    I went to an initial CBT assessment last night but then thinking, should I or shouldn’t I. Especially as she didn’t seem very interested!

    These habits are so hard to break! Where do you live again Paul, anywhere near me?

  134. KH Says:

    Hi everyone,

    Yes, disturbing thoughts could possibly one of the toughest things to go through with anxiety as they have a tendency to stick in my head. There is no easy way out, and the only way to win against it is perseverance! Use your time to do something you enjoy and pay no attention to your disturbing thoughts and it could slowly go away.

    Just to share an update with everybody on how am I doing. Obsessive thoughts are getting lesser and lesser. Today a rather scary thought just hit me randomly but guess what, I told myself to pay it no attention and it went away after a very short while. The old me would have been questioning the thought, but today for the first time I actually felt proud for not reacting to the thought! I can see that I am slowly recovering, layer by layer. To those out there, just continue on to live your life and you will be able to recover!

  135. Myela George Says:

    Hi I was just wondering, does anyone suffer from being out of breadth as an anxiety symptom? I have been accepting my feelings of panic and that seems to help me alot. When I accept my panic feelings..they lose their power. It has brought me to a much better place. However, when it comes to anxiety..feeling rediculously out of breadth after doing alot of work.. that is…Im not sure if accepting it makes it stop or not. I know that I should expect to feel out of breadth if I do strenuous activity but am I suppose to notice it as much as I do? and want it to go away? I guess Im just afraid being out of breadth will make me have a panic attack because that was how my very first one started. Thank you in advance for anyone who can help.

  136. Mike H. Says:

    Could someone PLEASE HELP with this.

    candie, scarlet, paul.

    I feel like my mind isn’t processing words correctly. Words just sound like jibberish at times, lifeless. I don’t know…it’s not like I’m afraid of it, more just annoyed. I can hardly listen to the radio anymore because my mind is just stuck on words. It’s so annoying and strange. Sometimes it’s not there. I don’t know how that’s possible.

    Is this just a tired mind? Is that why words are sounding strange?
    THis will go away when my mind is no longer tired or whatever..right?

    Thank you,


  137. Casey Says:

    Hi everyone

    I would just like to gain more insight here. Bright lights really bother me, they put me in an almost dreamlike/weird state. The fluorescent type lights.

    Does anyone know if this is a possible symptom of depersonalisation? I have had any abnormalities ruled out by means of a CT Scan. I am a sufferer of anxiety and depersonalisation. Please help.

  138. Helen Says:

    Hi Mike,
    Yes, this is your tired mind 100%. Remember not to be frightened of this happening as this will drain your mind even further. Just accept that your mind is exhausted and that you will have to put up with this for a while. You aren’t going mad and this will not last forever. Don’t fight it and don’t be afraid, let it happen.

    All the best

  139. yolande Says:

    hi can someone pls share their views on my earlier post re numbed head. thanks

  140. Michelle Z Says:

    Hi Yolande & Casey – The issues you both are asking for advice on have to do with anxiety. Just do as Paul suggests and just let it be and get on with your day.

    Yolande – Having to re-read something or having things just not register is normal for anybody. It’s just that with being sensitized (even though you are 95% better), it’s just one more thing to accept. You can do it!

    And, Casey, fluorescent lights have always bothered me, but especially when anxiety is high. It does make one feel like you are in a dream-like world. Just go with the flow.

    Neither of these things are anything to be concerned about. As Helen told Mike above, don’t fight it and don’t be afraid, let it happen.


  141. James Says:

    Thanks for the responses! I’ll try my hardest to work towards putting those tatics in use and hopefully will see a change.

  142. Chrissy Says:

    Hi All! I wanted to share my story- and hope to gain some insight in my condition. I’m sure I have suffered for anxiety for a long time…and never knew it, or gave it a “name” until it got really bad. I have had a hellish past few years. My brother is a former Meth addict, and my family has been through hell and back dealing with this. He is no longer a user, but suffers from mental problems I’m assuming are due to his prolonged use. My family owns their own company, and I have worked here since I graduated. Spending 24/7 with your family can be nice at times, but other times is WAY STRESSFUL! I have thrown myself into work, and work 12 hour days sometimes…and that doesn’t include my jurisdictions at home either :/ Also, I have had two dogs pass away in a year time span, and when my family wasn’t making money, I took on a job as a sitter/nanny….and THIS was when my “adrenaline cup (as Paul calls it in his book) overflowed and created a river!

    I know I have always been anxious. My father use to intimidate the living hell out of me, and I always felt tense around him. I no longer feel this way, due to age and long honest talks with him. I have a large family and we live in a small house, so there is hardly breathing room. When I got bad, my parents would tell me it’s just life and get over it. My whole argument was i that was the case, I would have gotten over it. They also called me pyscho, mental, bi-polar, alot of mean things. I wish I had better support, but thy honestly didn’t know how to react. I started having ringing in my ears a couple years ago, but never paid it attention, and still don’t. But I know it’s stress related because it changes when I am upset or anxious. I could go on and on about all the symptoms I have experienced in the past 7 months (the “intense ones”), but I will spare you.

    I was hospitalized in September after telling a psychiatrist about the intrusive thoughts I had, and told her they were more like obsessions. My mind would “You know you want to kill yourself” over and friggin over again. It scared me so bad. It was a broken record that wouldn’t shut up. Being in the hospital was horrible, and this set me back BAD.

    Anyways, fast forward 4 months and I feel alot better. I was just wondering if any of you all can relate to the following as I still have these. They don’t scare me, they are just annoying as heck…

    Muscle spasms and twitching, feeling shaking and on edge in the morning and my mind will race with it’s “morbid obsessions”, an urge or feeling that you are going to loose control and harm someone, being on edge and with a “short fuse”- you get aggravated and irritated easily, constant fatigue, I also feel like their is “another person” living in my mind…like a bully for say. My mind will think of the meanest thoughts about people I love, or say “You hate her” when a random person walks by. It’s like, WTF, I don’t even know her!

    I guess I still have the what if fears. But then when I have such a nonchalant attitude about the thoughts and urges, I feel bad because it’s like, crap, am I just a nasty person now?

    Sorry this is an essay. But I need help. I am also single, and want so badley to date, but how the heck do you explain what your going through to someone that doesn’t know you that well :( This is the final hoop-lah in my recovery. It’s amazing how far I have come…honestly, I look back and think, WOW! I have started blogging to help people overcome DP…which I suffered from. I ask the above questions because I want to know if these will fade in time.

    Thank you and bless you all,

  143. Casey Says:

    Hi Paul and everyone,

    I am convinced I suffer from depersonalisation/anxiety, doctors’ have confirmed anxiety, but always seem unsure of the depersonalisation area.

    I just want to know if bright lights are a part of the disorder. If I go into areas with really bright, fluroescent lights, I begin to feel weird and in an almost dream like state. Epilepy has been ruled by means of a brain scan.

    All the symptoms of depersonilasation I seem to have though and this site has proved to be really informative, like many of the sufferers, its such a relief to see there are other people that present with the same things I do.

    I have ordered your book and am hoping it will help me sort out a lot of the worries I have about myself, it’s crazy to think that I was once a ‘normal’ sort of person and now I have to deal with this disorder nobody seems to understand, I think that’s one of the most difficult things – Is trying to explain to people this illness you have, people can’t really relate, and maybe because I find it so difficult to explain exactly what I am experiencing.

    If anyone else on this site has any answers on this, your input would be very much appreciated.

    All the best to everyone on your recovery!

  144. Casey Says:

    Thanks for your advice Michelle.

    I can deal with all the other weird symptoms, but the problem with the lights really bothers me badly. I avoid shopping centres with really bright lights, and prefer any natural lighting. I mean I can’t always be in control of that, but as far as possible I avoid it.

  145. Daphne Says:

    Hey Chrissy,
    I can only say something to one point: When I got to knew my boyfriend, i was quite sick of DP and anxiety. He knew me before and knew that I had some mental problems, but I think, he had no idea how bad these were. I was a little like an actress – in the first time I didn’t show him anything. just told him from time to time something more about it and he was very dear and understanding – but I still don’t show it everytime how I feel, because I think it only would make it too dramatical – and actually I want to forget about it and not talking about it all the time. Just don’t worry about, what a potential boyfriend might think about your sickness – first fall in love with somebody and then you can tell him always a little more about yourself.Maybe you will already feel much better then, so why worrying now instead of just dating somebody?

    Hello Casey,
    to be honest, I didn’t have this problem with the light (everybody has it’s own special anxiety-smptoms, I think this is why many people think, thex might have something worse, but it’s only a trick of the anxiety), but I think this is a good opportunity for Paul Davids advice: “put it all under the umbrella of anxiety” – it’s just an offshoot of anxiety, so don’t worry it might be something worse.

    Hello all,
    it’s now about 3 months that I changed my attitude towards anxiety and DP. But sometimes I still try to figure out something. Last weekend I thought, that my basic fear is the fear, that I might not exist (sounds weird, but people with DP might understand). I thought I had to bear that thought till it doesn’t frighten me anymore. I did so and thought about that I might not exist till the fear was gone- after that I really feeled a bit more free. Do you think it was bad and I better had ignored my feelings of anxiety instead of figuring them out? Now I have such rapid changes in feeling: Sometimes I feel so much detached and then again almost normal – it can change in minutes. Is this normal? Sometimes I feel like I will get over DP and anxiety soon, sometimes I fear it might never go away. So I can’t even say if I made progress the last months or not. I know, I must stop observing myself, but it’s so difficult… i think I’m on a turning point now and it’s more difficult then the weeks before to hold on to the strategy just not to let myself impress by any of the symptoms. I just find myself trapped in thoughts like “Has it gone better or not? Am I making progress? Why does it feel so weird that I exist and I’m a human being, looking with my eyes on others and talking to them with my own voice? Why am I able to interact with others” – yes-stupid, stupid, senseless DP-thoughts!


  146. Daphne Says:

    I read dome other comments to later posts – I think I know my mistakes now partly by myself: I’m counting the days and worrying, if it’s normal, that I still feel so bad sometimes and constantly observing myself- instead of just letting the bad feelings be there and not to wait for recovery. I’m worrying about some special DP-caused thoughts about my existance, if they are normal or I’m the only one with it – I just shouldn’t take them for serious, I know, but they make me feel so weird and detached.
    Also I read here from others about good and bad days on the way to recovery – but my feelings can change quicker than that, even in minutes and again I ask myself, if that’s normal.
    I think many of my problemes I can see myself, but I think I nevertheless need some encouragement.

  147. Sue C Says:

    I am new to this site having recently finished reading your amazing book. Up until then, Claire Weekes books were my “bibles” but now yours has joined hers. I am 42 years sold and have suffered with severe anxiety and panic disorder since my early teens. I have always been agoraphobic throughout this but at varying degrees – I used to be able to go to shops, my son’s school etc on good days. Two years ago I had a hysterectomy and then a total breakdown and have been housebound since. I’ve had terrible depression, DP, panics. Your thinking in your book has now become my lifeline but when I first finished reading a few weeks ago I felt renewed hope. However, I still need to apply it when I’m out and struggling with this. I seem to run from the panic as soon as it starts when I’m away from my home. I need desperately to address this. I have a lump in my breast that needs hospital checking and this is about 6 miles away. My son is 10 and autistic and needs his mum back to meet him from school etc. How can I gain confidence with getting out again when the panic is whipping through me.
    Many thanks and hoping to hear from you,

  148. Daphne Says:

    Hello Sue, it impresses me a lot how long you live with anxiety. This shows how much you can bear and also that anxiety doesn’t kill anybody or lead into anything worse than anxiety. But I think anxiety will only get better for you, if you just do what you fear! You have to do it in an attitude like: “no matter how horrible it feel, I know that nothing bad can really happen!” “I got panic – so what, it will pass by!”
    I don’t know if you accept this from me as I didn’t suffer so long from anxiety – but believe me, I know the feelings nevertheless.
    I learned that things you fear are much easier with an accepting attitude – no matter, what it will feel like. And the more often you do it, the easier it will be. Setbacks are normal, but on the long run, it will always just go better. I try to see it as a challenge in a positive way…

  149. MLK Says:

    Hi Everyone,
    Just wanted to check in! It has been over a year since I hit my rock bottom of anxiety. I remember it was over Thanksgiving and my boyfriend had just broken up with me, and I was moving to a new city to complete my internship for my degree in social work. I was with my family and I remember negative thoughts were just consuming me. I could not enjoy myself and when I felt ok for a moment, I would automatically think that I had to keep myself feeling ok, and NOT to think negative thoughts. This obviously lead me to thinking poorly again and I remember feeling so alone. I broke down and explained to my parents how I felt and the terrible thoughts that were going through my mind. It was so upsetting for me. My Dad was amazing. He told me all of the wierd and negative thoughts that he would have, but he stressed that they were JUST THOUGHTS! Nothing that I understand how anxiety effects the thought process, it is funny to see how everyone has strange thoughts. It is just a matter of accepting them for what they are..just thoughts. I remember driving back to school after Thanksgiving and stumbling upon Paul’s book online. It was like he hit the nail on the head. I felt everything that he had felt and he had come through it all! I ordered the book and it was amazing how through explanation and understanding, things became much clearer! I immediately began implementing what Paul said and I began climbing out of the hole I was in.

    That isnt to say that this has been hasnt. I had a really hard time with thoughts, feeling strange all the time, and the physical effects that anxiety has on me. BUT I look back and see where I was a little over a year ago and I feel so relieved! I am not fully recovered, and I feel like I am in sort of a is hard for me to accept everything that anxiety entails. But at the same time I know I can come back to the blog or pull out Paul’s book for a little reassurance. Acceptance is the key word, and I am really good at knowing what I have to do, NOW I need to fully accept it all and live my life! I LOVE reading stories of people recovering, it is simply awesome to see how much this method can help you. Paul, I think you are so selfless and it is truly wonderful to know that you are helping others simply because you understand what it is we are going through and you know a way out of it all. I always believe that understanding and acceptance are key methods in many aspects of life! Not just anxiety..but the more I apply understanding and acceptance to my anxious feelings and thoughts, the more likely I can live my life to the fullest! Thanks so much, Paul and everyone else who contributes to this blog!! I appreciate it all so much as does everyone else that struggles with anxiety! :):):) Hope everyone has a great day!

  150. Robbie Says:


    I have similar thoughts regarding whether or not I’m a real person. It sounds weird, but sometimes I’ll think “wow, I can’t believe I’m a person and then I’ll start to feel anxious about the reponsibilities of being a person (whatever those are!). This is a relatively new thought and it doesn’t really freak me out, but I don’t really like it, either. I’ve suffered a little from DP, but that was never one of my major symptoms.

    I had a major bout with anxiety 2 1/2 years ago and am now recovering from a setback. I fell like I’m 99% there, but that 1% can get frustrating at times. You will still have bad days as you go through the recovery process, the key is to not get too wound up over one bad day, or even a bad moment. For me, it seems like I have one bad day (it tends to really be only part of a day) over a two week span. After thinking about it, most people would relish only having one bad day in two weeks! I just get worried that the bad day will lead to a cycle of anxiety. However, by utilizing what I’ve learned on this site, I’m able to brush it off and look forward to a new day. I no longer wake up with the feeling of dread and I find that I’m able to focus better and even go a long, long time without even thinking about it. But, every once in a while, those stupid intrusive thoughts pop in my mind. The good thing is they don’t seem to have the same strength they once did and I’m able to move past them and get on with my day.

    And yes, to give you some reassurance, your feelings can change day to day while you recover, and even minute by minute. I have found that by “accepting” how I feel during an anxious moment, it usually passes within the hour and I feel fine the rest of the day.

    The thing I struggle most with are the instrusive thoughts. It’s reassuring to see how many people have the same thoughts as you do, no matter how weird or freaky they are. You don’t find the topic of intrusive thoughts much on the internet and I didn’t even realize it was a product of anxiety until I found this site. I’ve tried a lot of things (medication, counseling, etc.) but using the tools explained on this site has given me the self confidence to get past anxiety – you just have to be patient and live your life.

  151. Daphne Says:

    Hey Robbie,
    thanks a lot, its really a relief to know there are people having the same thoughts. I even understand what you mean by being “Anxious about the responsibilities of being a person”. It’s really a trick of anxiety, it always tries to make you think you have something worse – physical or something like “chronic DP” or schizophrenia. I don’t want to step into that trap anymore >:-(
    Yesterday was really a bad day, today I feel much better, but if it changes in the next hour, so be it!
    Thank you very much for you encouragement!! I’, glad to here how far you have come already!

    @all: I have another question: Do you think recovery goes quicker if you socialize even more than you would probably do without anxiety? As an “exercise”? Or better live like you would do without anxiety even if that means you have days you stay at home? I often work at home and don’t see many people than (only my boyfriend and maybe neighbors). I always go out in the weekend, but maybe it would be better to socialize even more than I did before I had those problems with anxiety and DP?


  152. DEE Says:

    Hi I’ve been looking at this site for a little while and wonder if anyone can relate to what I am feeling & thinking. I’ve suffered anxiety for quite a while now but, thanks to Paul’s site, I carry on with my life, going to work etc. however I’m feeling and find it really works. However, I am having the most awful thoughts that centre around my 2 year old niece. We are extremely close, love each other to bits but these thoughts I get are ruining it all. It’s not so much that I fear I will ever hurt her in any way just that I find myself wishing awful things would happen to her – I can’t even believe I’m saying that, it hurts so much. For instance, if I see her running and tell her to be careful my mind comes back and says hope you fall & hurt yourself. If I hear some bad news or read about an illness someone has I wish it on her. I feel the worst person alive to think like that and just want to know why it’s happening and even though I try to live alongside the thoughts and just let them be, it’s so hard and the worst part of any anxiety I’ve had. Am I as weird as I’m thinking I am? I just can’t get my head round it and think about it all the time. I know many of you have intrusive thoughts but are any of them like mine?


  153. Scott Says:

    I’m looking for some advice, words of encouragement. I’ve been in the anxiety wheel for nearly 8 months now with varying degrees of successes & setbacks. For one week now I’ve been un a real hole! The physical feelings are overwhelming to the point of feeling like im going to breakdown! I feel so agitated in side it’s too much to bear & have took diazepam to try & ease the extreme discomfort. I’ve experienced extreme discomfort before but nit to this degree! Have others experienced this? I feel like I’m going to have a panic attack every moment no matter how relaxed I be. I’m finding it impossible to accept this and took some citalopram last night ( was prescribed it months ago by never took it) still not sure about this but at my wits end! Been off work last 3 days ( I’m a nurse) and trying to stay busy, tidied the yard etc. Will these feelings ever go away??? Sorry for the doom and gloom but desperate. Any advice/support would be appreciated

  154. Daphne Says:

    Hello Scott,
    I also had physical feelings, especially dizziness and I also felt very week and got exhausted quckly. I didn’t pay much attention (I feared more the psychical symptoms) so they didn’t bother me much. You are not going to breakdown! It is also just part of the anxiety. And even if you WOULD breakdown (what will no happen) – what would be so bad with this – I mean when I was younger i had a low blood pressure and it really happened that I just fell down – but I just waited, put my legs up a while – and went on. Why do you fear this so much? But with the adrenalin you also just cannot really brakdown! What helped against the annoying dizziness and weekness was nevertheless eating healthy food (especially wholemeal products).
    I also know the agitation – that’s really annoying, but also this doesn’t do you something bad!
    And why don’t you just say: “Yes, panic attac, if you want, then come!” I got the impression that you trying to avoid them! But just let them come and observe them. They will do you no harm, they are like waves, you can surf through them :-) and they always pass. But not like waves they will slowly become less if you let them come!

  155. Rosemary Says:

    Hi all,aboost is needed if possible.

    I have not posted on here for a month or so but just need a little push again. I have been doing really well and had an up and down xmas but mostly was lovely and I surprised myself how much I enjoyed my family time. Paul your blog above is great. I like that there is no need to run and no need to fight as its just a false signal. I have been living my life like i dont have it and I have to say its been great but over the last couple of days I feel myself slipping back. I feel edgy and worried and I know its becase I am worried I might go back to where I was when I felt awful and unable to cope or enjoy anything,like I will never be rid of this. After feeling so free its hurts so much to feel crap. I have had brilliant days out with friends and at work I have been so confident and happy enjoying every challenge.Why does it come back and grab you and make you doubt everything again just when you feel that everything is so wonderful. I feel like I always have to have something to do,like I couldnt just relax, yet on a good day I relax and feel completely happy with no worries,just plans of where else I can go and how much more living I want to pack in,life is great. Helen if your reading this pass me on confirmation that this is just a bad few days. How long do the ups and downs last, they are so difficult.

  156. Maisy Says:

    Dear Paul,
    I would like to say thankyou for doing anxiety suffers a complete justice in creating this site! At the age of 14 I had my first experience of ‘Skunk’ (due to peer pressure, having not even been drunk before, the trippy experience I had teriffied me, and for a whole year after I was left with chronic anxiety. I was given no answer from my doctor who simply asked ‘are you pregnant’ as I was so emotional, and being such a young age could only interprit how I felt as me going mad. After a year of COMPLETE suffering i was refered to child phsycologist on the NHS, who had none of the knowladge and understanding you have. She did not help me understand how I was feeling, but did provide me with an outlet. Eventually I learned to get on with my life as theanxiety decreased, but was still left with the thought I was mad at the back of my mind which terrified me. I am now 22 and a few months ago was having a very stressful time as i was leaving home, along with relationship probelms and the strains of uni, went into meltdown. I have somewhat recovered, but have been left with this horrible anxiety again. Your informartion has been extremely helpful and shows a true understanding of what I am going through and has helped me hugely! I understand why I was experiencing depersonalitsation and derealisation when I was 14. At the time with no understanding of these symptons I convinced myself I was mad. Going through the syptoms I had back then now at 22 has been very difficult, but the explanations you have provided have been extremely reassuring. I can understand why i feel anxious, and justify why I felt mad when I was younger, as not me actually turning mad but me being extremely anxious after traumatic experience of smoking skunk. But for some reason i can still NOT accept the fact I am not crazy, and my axiety seems to realses itself in the constant reoccuring thought the ‘world isnt real’ and then thinking ‘i must be mad if i cannot accpet the fact the world is real and I am infact sane’. It seems to be the last fear I have holding me back from leaving my axiety and it makes me anxious that I canot seem to rid myself of this desturbing thought. I have looked on the website for people with a similar experience but havnt yet found one. Thankyou Paul however for the obvious time and effort you have put into this website and helping people. And if anybody out there can relate to me or has any advice please do leave a comment, it would be hugely appreciated

  157. Helen Says:

    Hi Rosemary,
    You aren’t slipping back, believe me, you might feel that way but you aren’t. Remember what you have to do to just be. If you are having a bad day, get on with it, don’t start wondering why you are, what if this, what it that. Remember what you have learnt and that is that all the thinking in the world, all the worrying will get you nowhere. Setbacks are good and re-enforce what you have learned. It is part of recovery and they will just go but don’t wait for that day, it will happen and you won’t realise because of the real living you are doing. Rosemary, it is so clear how far you have come, don’t put yourself under pressure if you have a bad day or days. If you can’t relax, don’t. Be busy, be whatever suits the mood you are in but don’t wonder why you can’t relax, you don’t have to know everything.
    It may not feel like it at the moment but you are learning how to just be and this is such a brilliant thing.
    Have a good day, have bad day, cry all day, laugh all day, scream all day, whatever but don’t question it, it’s just one day.

    All the best

  158. marc Says:


    hey! how have ya been? how was your new years??? hope it was good! :)
    scarlet i was just wondering can u give some advice on what to do regarding my mum. i think iv mentioned in a couple of posts before that shes had a nervous breakdown and that it is pretty much the reason what caused my anxiety. but anyway i just want to explain what my mum has turned into and what the situation is at my house at the moment and im going to be as honest as i can. basically my mum has had a couple of bad periods before with her nerves but this is by far the worst, basically it started again a year and a half ago when my sister had gotton pregnant(shes a single mother),and things just got worse and worse. basically the way she is is that she is a completely different person altogether-no enthusiasm to get better, comes across like she doesnt care about anyone or anything, wants to stay in the bed all day, i have to fight with her everyday to get up get washed and dressed, constantly fearful, no compassion for how other people feel(or at least it comes across like that), always tries to change the subject or just gets up and walks away whenever talking to her about what she has to do to get better, goes around all day like a zombie, doesnt bother contact anyone, refuses to do the simplest of tasks, has a load of weird habits, has a very poor diet, smokes like a chimney…. like here is an example of a typical day in my mums life right now-stay in bed till i have to argue with her to get up, goes downstairs, has a cigarette, cup of tea, slice of bread, goes in an lies down on the couch and watches the tv like a zombie, cigarette, slice of bread, goes back to bed even though she knows how much it upsets me and my sister, gets up later on and just lays around in her pyjamas all day. i mean i cant even talk to the woman, iv told her about pauls book and what she needs to try to get better and its just like talking to a brick wall! the only response i get is ”yeah” or ”i know” then she pisses off to get away from talking to me about it, all she wants is that magic pill to make it all go away! its like i dont know if it is her nerves are that bad that it seems like she doesnt want to get better or if its just that shes too ignorant or stubborn to try and do what she has to do to get better….and the horrible thing is that me and my sister are in a dilemma, my sister wants to move out with her 7 month old son because she has enough stress being a single mother plus with her job so the last thing she needs is this shit going on with my mum, and my dilemma is that i know what i have to do to get better but the only thing that is keeping me like this is my mum, shes the reason why i got anxiety in the first place and she is the reminder of my anxiety, so i know that i have to be in a positive envoirnment for me to get better so i want to move out. and the dilemma is that both me and my sister know that if we were to move out that she would only get worse and the house would go to shit(and my dads been dead for 9 years and im out of work so my sister is the main bread winner in the house), and we would have that guilt on top of our heads, but the way things are now at the moment is that its no way to live! its like my mum expects me and my sister to babysit her for the rest of her life, and my sister has done enough of that throughout the years and now she has her son, and theres no way im doing it because i know it would only make me worse and im only 23(its actually my 23rd birthday today!) and i should be living my life!!!

    anyways scarlet just wondering could u gimme some advice cause im running out of options here and things are getting worse! im actually going down to our GP during the week to talk about getting her off the meds! and im wondering should i just run this house like the bloody army and force her out of the bed and give her the kick up the arse she needs to try get her life back on track!

    anyways its my birthday today so gonna do my best and relax with a few pints tonight! :)

  159. James Says:

    Hey guys, I haven’t been in her for awhile and that’s a good thing.

    I’ve been doing allot better lately and can feel like I’m almost there with recovery. I still tend to get some thoughts but there not as strong as they use too be. I feel like the old me most of the time but sometimes it hits me from time to time. I don’t know if anyone else has had this problem but it feels like sometimes I’m afraid to talk because I may say something bad or if I write an email I’m afraid I’ll type something that I don’t wanna say. It’s weird but it just feels like I’m going through in phases. Also one last thing….the past few days I’m getting an eye twitch and it’s not constant but it happens every so often, anyone else get these?

    Also I was wondering if we’ll get too see some Recovery stories? That would be nice :)

  160. Rosemary Says:

    Thanks again for the support. I guess I have been doing really well and packed in loads of living and laughing and loving so when suddenly I feel low, worried etc it always seems so much harder.Is this a set back or just the ups and downs of recovery? Either way did you have many on your road to recovery. Again thanks

  161. Helen Says:

    Hi Rosemary,
    It’s the up’s and down’s really, I use the word setback loosely to be honest. Any day you feel down during recovery can feel like a mini setback but, yes it really is the up’s and down’s, the rollercoaster of recovery!
    I had loads of bads days during recovery but I always knew, even on these bad days, that I had learnt so much and that I was still learning and the difference is that you KNOW it will get better, is getting better. You learn so much from the bad days and it makes your good days even better.
    I remember, before recovery when I was really bad, trying to avoid anything that I perceived as negative, anything that might ‘set me off’. Doing this makes you look at life through a microscope, checking everything for what it might mean, how you might feel, how you might react. How is that a way to live? Looking for anything that might go wrong, make you feel bad, make you feel anxious. I didn’t realise at the time but doing this was the only thing that actually did make me feel anxious.
    Things are going to happen in my life, in every ones lives that are going to make us sad, angry, frightened but now I don’t look for it. When it happens I’ll deal with it. When I had anxiety I was trying to deal with feelings that I hadn’t yet had!
    Keep on living and laughing Rosemary and embrace the days when you are feeling low as they make the good days even better.

    All the best

  162. Matt K. Says:

    Rosemary and Helen,
    I could have copied your post above word for word! I too was going to write about that. Over the past month, I have been doing great, feeling positive and encouraged, making plans for the future. Even at work, I have been feeling more relaxed and confident. Then yesterday I started to feel anxious again and it feels like I am slipping back. The thoughts are creeping back in and I’m sitting here at work right now just edgy, uncomfortable and wanting to go home and hide. It just baffles my mind at such a change in attitude and feelings from one day to the next! I know my wife must think I am like Jeckel and Hide! She’s never sure what mood I’m going to be in! :)
    I guess my question to you is just how to you keep the faith and belief that things will continue to improve when you are having down days like this? The thought does cross my mind about what if I slip back again and get worse? I guess when I am in the down day or challenging day, its hard to keep the hope and belief alive or that I’ll always be like this……. I just dont understand why or how that if I get a little anxiety (even if it is for a valid reason) how I let myself get back to worrying about the “What ifs” so quickly?

  163. Helen Says:

    Hi Matt,
    You keep the faith because you have been feeling good. You have experienced very recent feelings of positivity, encouragement and the ability to feel relaxed. The only way it won’t improve is if you don’t let it but don’t beat yourself up about the ‘what if’ thoughts, they are going to come back at you and test you for a while, it is part of recovery and this is when you realise how far you have come. If you have ‘what if’s’ for a while, so what? It is your reaction to it that matters. You KNOW not to stop and question what is happening because you KNOW it won’t get you anywhere. Just carry on and regardless and the focus will shift.
    I have had things happen to me since recovery that has caused real worry but because I have learnt about anxiety and how fruitless extreme worry is, I handled them just fine. These things would have caused extreme anxiety before.
    Have faith in yourself Matt. You are clearly doing so well but don’t expect not to experience bad days, we all do and as I said before recovery really is a rollercoaster.

    All the best

  164. Matt K. Says:

    Thanks for the quick reply. You always offer great advice! You are right that it should be a clear signal that I am getting better because I am having good days. I think what happens to me is that I will feel some anxiety for whatever reason and then the What If questions start and I focus on the feelings instead of what triggered the anxiety. For instance a couple of days ago my wife’s ex said that he can not pay college anymore for my step daughter, which worried me because now we will have to pay. This upset me and I got anxious, then I tuned into the feelings and had a fearful reaction to the thoughts of “what if I start to slip back again”? So rather than focusing on the solution to the problem, I am focusing on the feelings and worried about my anxiety. Does that make sense?
    I am just trying to go with the feelings and thoughts, not trying to make them any worse by freaking out about them, but I just kind of feel bummed that I feel like today and yesterday. I know its classic from what Paul says that people have a few good weeks and think they are all better and then get really down when they have a bad day/week. I’m trying not to let that happen to me. Did it take you a while to figure out how to just go with the flow and have faith that this will work? I have been dealing with this off and on for 20 years. Some great years, some not so great. I have been working with a CBT therapist for the past 6 months as well.

  165. Scott Says:

    Daphne, thanks for your post, when I say breakdown I mean curl up in a ball & scream. I don’t know, I think I feel so bad because I thought my anxiety had shown all of it’s cards but now this new feeling of panic & shear terror has sprung up ( had just been out the night before and enjoyed it alcohol free). I feel so depressed too that I can barely speak. I have thoughts that I’m going Mad, my life is over, I can’t face work on Monday or bare to socialise! It’s hell! I know they r just thoughts & feelings but I can’t seem to disengage from them & can’t function with all the physical feelings. Made myself leave the house to go c my mam but hardly said a word. Is it normal to feel this bad on the road to recovery, I thought I’d been doing ok!??? Again sorry for the negativity just struggling

  166. Helz Belz Says:

    for everyone who feels like they are back to square one after a few good days, remember that the closer you get to recovery the worse your bad days will feel in comparison.

    just a quick question too about physical symptoms. I’ve always been someone that suffers more from mental symtpoms, but have pretty much got the hang of them now and they dont really bother me, but lately I’ve been having more physical symptoms and they are really scaring me. my ears have been ringing for a few weeks now, and my left one feels like there’s a weight behind it, but i know its not congested (the dr said so), has anyone else had this or anything similar? all my worrying about it has started the thoughts off again, like ‘will it ever get better?’ ‘what if it doesnt go away?’, am not used to having thoughts like this surrounding my health. after meditating this morning my ear felt much better, but it got worse again after a while, so am guessing its anxiety rather than anything medical etc, these physical symptoms seem very hard to cope with though. any advice would be much appreciated!

  167. Helz Belz Says:

    just realised i didnt finish off the first paragraph!

    the bad days will feel worse in comparison, but that doesnt mean that you are getting worse again, not in the slightest! its all just relative, once you are through the bad day, the good days will feel even better!

  168. Daphne Says:

    Hey Scott, as you probably realizes by my mistakes, I’m not a native English speaker, so I misunderstood the word “breakdown” – but now I know what you mean. I understand you so well, everything you describe I have felt too. It was a good idea ti vistit your mum, no matter if you didn’t say much. You do the right thing in living as normal as possible. I know anxiety doesn’t give up so easy, once one thing doesn’t bother you anymore, it seems as anxiety invents something new… But don’t step into that trap, it’s just a trick and actually shows your progress, when symptoms change. Don’t apologize for negativity, it is ok! No one can always be just optimistic. Just go on like you learned it, try to socialize as much as you can – and if it’s only a short meeting with a friend. Just don’t give anxiety the smallest piece of your life!

  169. Scott Says:

    Thanks daphne, your words make a lot of sense! It does seem like once I have lost the fear of a symptom a new one takes it’s place, I suppose it’s good to look at it as moving forward! I know I need to b kinder to myself, although i think I accept anxiety and carry on with my life, deep down I wish it away every day of my life. I have a baby son & it upsets me so much that the person I used to be isn’t quite there, I’m sure most can relate to that feeling? I need to put if to oneside & just be how i am & do the things I need to do. It just feels different in this setback, like I’ve hit a new low. I appreciate your support though

  170. Daphne Says:

    Hey Scott,
    that’s how I experience it too, that symptoms change, but everytime you overcome one symtom it feels better after. I really think it’s normal to feel like “having hit a new low” sometimes – don’t believe this, it only feels like that. You will be fine and be able to enjoy being a mum! Just go through this “setback” and don’t let it scare you or make you think it will get worse. It won’t!

  171. Kat Says:

    Hello everyone,

    Just needed to sound off a bit as I’m trying not to discuss my anxiety issues with those in my life as much as I used to. It only serves to annoy some and upset others, so I come to this blog to reassure myself that I’m not the only one like this, as well as to get sound advice from those who have fully recovered.

    I actually felt kind of ‘good’ for about two weeks, after three months of terrible obsessiveness and anxiety. I was nearly convinced that I’d fallen out of love with my partner, that I was on the verge of ruining our family because I couldn’t tap in to the love and positivity I’d enjoyed with him for eight years. Thankfully, I had some wonderful encouragement from Paul and Helen, just to name two, and for some odd reason, one day I felt like my old self again. The anxiety hadn’t left me, but I didn’t find myself feeling terror or any hint of aversion toward my partner, and even felt the love again. There were waves of anxiety at work and while driving, but I was so happy to feel something like ‘me’ again. However, I knew enough from all my reading that I’d likely experience a setback because anxiety doesn’t go overnight, and this proved to be true.

    Now, I’m back in setback mode, and I’m amazed at how much it has drained me of energy. I can’t even feel reassurance from the reading I’ve been doing, only seemingly slipping deeper into a strange fatigue and general disconnection from everyone I love. I keep telling myself not to be impressed by the symptoms, but they appear to be screaming louder to get my attention. I’m back to worrying about my relationship, though I keep trying to push the worry aside, and I can’t find the energy to do anything except sit around and wait for the heaviness to dissipate. I wonder if any of you can relate to this?

    To be fair, I do seem to have a bit of a cold at the moment, but I can’t understand why it would flatten me physically and emotionally like this, so I have to assume that this is a setback. Also, I can’t shake the concern that I’ll never be normal, that maybe I’m the kind of person who is incapable of moving past this and that my relationship with my partner, who is also my best friend and the father of my child, will never be the way it was.

    I can understand why those of you who are recovered may be exasperated by these questions as I’m sure they may seem repetitive to you, but for some reason I seem to need to ask them.

    Any advice is heartily welcome.


  172. Rebecca Says:

    Dear Maisy, hi there :-)
    I can definitely relate to you, when i was about 14 i had my first experience with smoking weed(the only one), it was also through peer pressure and at the time i felt very anxious and was sick and it made me feel very paranoid, i was with two guys at the time and i had way too much. I can remember thinking ‘i just wan’t to wake up from this nightmare’. The next day when i woke up there was no going back as i was very anxious for 6 months- year aswell. My main symptom at the time was feeling spaced out and dizzy so kept going to my GP for a cure but there was nothing wrong physically, it was the fact that i had a scary experience and it left me feeling anxious. This gradually faded and didn’t have any problems until i went through a traumatic experience when i was 21, this was when i first starting having scary thoughts and negative ones. It scared me so much at the time and i thought i was going Mad.
    I didn’t find this site until about 8 months ago and have been alot better, i have also been going to therapy a few times a month which is great as i can talk to him about anything. I can also relate when you said you can’t escape from still thinking your going Mad etc, this has happened to me aswell, but your not going mad, it is just your anxiety creeping up on you. If you react to this negative thought then the anxiety will get worse so just say ‘Whatever’ take a deep breath and try and turn your negative thought into a positive one. That’s what i have been doing for a long while and it works for me. I think there are a few things that happened to me which exacerbated my anxiety i.e smoking weed but as humans we can re-train our brains. I can be sooooo hard though at times because of the pure power that anxiety seems to hold. Does anyone else feel this?
    I hope your feeling better maisy and sorry to hear about the relationship problems,

  173. Helen Says:

    Hi Kat,
    I always try and reply to your posts as I have been throught the EXACT same thing, as have others. I can promise that I would never tire of trying to help as I know how horrendous you are feeling right now.
    Setbacks come at you and they become less and less if you remember what you need to do. Sitting and waiting for the heavy feeling to go will not help you, you know this. You are not giving your mind anything else to focus on apart from how you are feeling and you KNOW that this leads to a vicious circle if thinking and exhaustion. I know because I did this. I sat, exhausted, waiting for energy, waiting for some relief, waiting for my old self to come back to me but it didn’t. You HAVE to move through it, mentally and physically. You love your your partner, it is very clear or you wouldn’t be going through this. If that was the case the answer would be very simple and you wouldn’t be going through this hell.
    You have anxiety and the way to get through it is to face your thoughts head on, don’t try and push the worry aside, let it be there. When I say face them, I don’t mean try and work them out, just allow it. There are no answers to be worked out, we know the answer and that is anxiety.
    If your head is saying ‘you don’t love him anymore’ let it. Don’t wonder why it is happening and don’t stop living so you can work it out. Carry on, when you are feeling like crap and don’t feel like doing anything, make yourself do something. When you are frightened of being alone with him because you are scared of how you might feel or not feel, make yourself be alone with him. Face the fear head on, don’t push it aside.
    Kat, I lived with exact same thing you are right now and nearly gave up, nearly believed what anxiety was telling me and if I had I would have lost the most important person world to me.
    I would give anything in the world to be able to take away from you what you are feeling right now as I know how heart breaking it feels and drained you feel but please, stick with it. I promise you it is so worth it in the end.

    All the best

  174. yolande Says:

    Thanks Michelle Z for replying.

    Helen, it’s always such a comfort to read your advice to others. I still tend to feel low and understand that normal ppl feel this too. but for me, i tend to delve into it and wonder if it’s justr NORMAL everyday low feelings or is it still caused by anxiety? See, i cannot help but try to differentiate the two. is this silly? i dont know if others do this or feel like this.

    just wondering though if it;s normal to think this way. sometimes i get tired of thinking thus and just tend to think it’s anxiety. but if it’s really caused by anxiety, it wud mean that i still have a way to go towards full recovery.

    doing good at work – altho i do tend to sometimes feel stressed out and anxious like so many do from the posts above. anyway, if you cud share your insights on abv, i wud appreciate it.


  175. james Says:

    Good morning everyone….it seems I’m getting a setback. For the most part I’m not getting much sleep, I find myself waking up throughout the night, havinng a racing heart beat and constant thoughts in my head. Also throughout the day I still get some disturbing thoughts. I recently bought a new house and I should be happy during this time but I’m getting extremely nervous. It really feels like I’m helpless and I just don’t want to except that I have to live with this the rest of my life.

  176. Michelle Z Says:

    Hi James – You won’t have to live with this the rest of your life. I know when you’re going through a setback that it’s hard to believe. Just keep plugging on. Just keep going about your day. Just allow those sleepless nights to be there. I went through several months of sleepless nights and, honestly, it got worse after I began going through this process. But over the last couple of months, I now have more good nights than bad. I went through several days last week where I would wake in the middle of the night and couldn’t get back to sleep. But I’ve learned that it’s okay and not to make a big deal of it. And sure enough, I have slept fairly well the last few nights. I’m learning…every so slowly…to under-react to all this stuff. Am I perfect at it. Far from it. When I get tired, it becomes more difficult. I still get agitated and cranky sometimes. But I am far better than I was a few months back. Do I still have bad days or bad weeks? Yep. And when I do, I still come back on here and read some posts to help remind me that I’m on the right path and that this will all eventually pass. Keep up the good work! You can do it! You will overcome!


  177. KH Says:

    Hi James,

    I do understand how tough it is when all day long you try to live your life but the disturbing thoughts are just there. I have went through the exact same thing as well, and there are times where I question why is it not going away and almost felt like giving up. But always remember, recovery does not happen overnight, and although it might feel difficult, you will be able to get through it as long as you do not pay any attention to those awful feelings.

    When I first followed Paul’s advice, I moved from constantly being in the cycle of anxiety to times where I had some good days and some bad days. Very often I do get days where I am feeling extremely anxious, but I believed that more good days will always come as no other methods aside from Paul’s advice have proved to be so helpful for me. So James, believe in yourself and continue to live your life. I have did the same and the feelings do get less intense, so I believe that you will definitely be able to recover, as long as you stay strong and continue to pay no attention to those feelings. Trust me, it will all be worth it once you slowly recover back to your old self.

  178. KH Says:

    Hi everybody,

    I got a full blown panic attack while I was driving just now. All of a sudden, I was not able to concentrate properly and my heart was racing. When I went home, I quickly went into my room to get some rest. Random thoughts overflowed my mind, and I was not able to calm myself down. I have never felt anything so intense before, but I convinced myself that it is just too much adrenalin in my body causing me to feel like this. I can really feel the difference between the old me and the current me, as I do not question anything and I can assure myself that it is adrenalin playing tricks on me. But I just want to ask has anyone out there who has experienced the same feelings? Hope that you can share your experience with me so that I can get some re-assurance. Thanks in advance!

  179. Ross Says:

    Hey looking for some advice/info about dp?

    Is it like your personality, emotions shutdown and create a numb blank feel in that can be pretty unsettling?

    I get that blank feeling and it’s as if I quickly ‘look’ for myself then I feel the real me isn’t in my head, Hard to explain. I’m just trying to learn more about it to take the fear away as this is the only thing bugging me just now.

  180. Sue C Says:

    Dear Daphne – thank you so much for your response. I know I have to go through the panic – but after a lifetime of enduring them I’ve never mastered this. When it reaches the real full-blown peak I can’t see it through. Maybe this new way of looking at things through Paul’s book will help me this and maybe I’m just being impatient. Having finished the book and then experiencing a full blown attack and running from it, I felt thet maybe I’m just too bad and had to too long to cure. But I realise that however hard it still is a seed has been sown and even if it’s growth is slow, if I “water” it with acceptance it will flower in time.
    I would like to reach out to all the people on here and tell you that at times we all think that nobody is as bad as us or that what we think is different etc but underneath it all we are just suffering anxiety and however it manifests our boat is the same and Paul’s thinking is our anchor. I have suffered nearly 30 years of severe anxiety, panics, agoraphobia, depression, DP and emotional shutdown but there suddenly seems hope. One day I want to write on here that I’ve been to town or taken my son to the park …. watch this space.

  181. Diana Says:

    Well, setbacks happen. We don’t even need to label them. You can also call them bad days, bad moments. They will pass, if you just glance at them and accept that they (bad moments) are there and don’t dwell and obsess on them. Obsessing on bad moments does exactly what you might expect – it focuses all of your feelings on the fact this this is happening and completely prevents you from moving thru it. Moving thru is all about putting one foot in front of the other, and conciously changing your train of thought. Some of this requires a bit of discipline and getting out of the habit of WANTING to dwell. Anxiety sufferers become habitually addicted to dwelling, checking in on their mood and feelings, and scaring themselves into staying locked in that horrendous place. Trust me, I know. Breaking habits is never easy. But it’s essential if contentment and happiness are where you want to head.

    Anxiety is closely tied to habit. If you tend to be a worrying person, it sort of starts there and progresses to some pretty dark places. We scare ourselves into something we think has to do with reality but has nothing to do with reality. We get so accustomed to scaring ourselves and entering a cycle of exhaustion and depletion and un-wellness that we simply cannot comprehend that we can get out of it. But we get out of it by recognizing the habits it took to get here and working to change those habits.

    When we are in the throes of it, we simply cannot comprehend that a person can be made to suffer this kind of pain and hurt and heartache. We cannot even begin to explain how horrible it is to the people we love, and even trying seems so futile because unless you have been thru it how can anyone begin to understand?

    The difference between a person with anxiety/panic and one without has to do with the habits people think with. Where they go with their thoughts. What they create in their feeling-world. As hard as it is to believe, you can break these harmful habits by DOING exactly what Paul says. Over and over and over. Acknowledge the fear. Let it be there. But move through it and don’t be impressed by it. Give it no power. Think of other things. Do other things. Don’t dwell. Live. Work. Walk. Talk. Remember that Anxiety and Fear are liars. They do not represent reality. Live as if you know this to be true, because it is. It will eventually lose its grip on both your body and your mind.

    Don’t dwell.

  182. Joe Says:

    Hello everyone, my last post was a bit depressing but this is more on a positive note. Last week I had a terrible period of dp and panic where i started to anylse everything, i couldnt watch tv or even write becuase i had this extreme type of performance anxiety, where my thoughts kept on saying that thought is wierd or wrong leading to me feelingand believeing i was going crazy. it felt as if all my improvements i had made since my dp/dr first came about 7 months ago had been vanquished, i felt as if i was a walking zombie with a turbine of adrenaline in head pumping around, producing literally every second! horrible! thoughts and in return my fear produced the fearful reaction (the dreaded tingling sensation in your stomach) and my heart popping out of my chest.

    I started to look back and lament all the times in the past 7 months of improvement where i avoided little things, such as not making a telephone call, or not socialising as much i would have liked too and how i would beat myself up for not understanding things as quick as before my dp/ dr, or not being as witty as i was before my dp/dr struck and putting too much emphaisis on times when i got anxious.

    I thought these had all bulit up into this new feeling of complete human isolation, as if all these bad habits had bulit a prison for myself. I spent days trying to figure it out, but nothing worked i got worse just as paul says but i couldn’t understand how in the space i went from being normal, happy and anxious to feeling like i was on deaths door emtionally and physically, so i still tryed to figure it out. Then i had a little moment where i didn’t focus on this horrible feeling and i spoke to someone on the phone who i hadnt for ages so i was anxious about it and i was fine, jibberish didn t come out of my mouth and i was fine i spoke normally and i knew then my anxiety had just made me believe i was going mental for the past week. I also realised all these setbacks like getting anxious, stuttering, messing up my writing, not being able to think clearly where just a tired mind your not mind going crazy through anxiety, which paul has told me in the book, now i understand this, now i know to let my mind play its tricks, run off into imiaginative tangets if it pleases and run into a culd de sac becuase i know its a tired mind through all the thinking and worry ive put it under, it makes sense too me. And another thing maybe this is just me but i think one thing that keeps us in the anxiety, is beating ourselves up when we compare oursleves to they we were before anxiety become predomiant in our lifes, for e.g. i would i used to be soo funny now im not as funny, the only reason your not as funny or not as good now is becuase anxiety and the tired mind has a hold on you and you have to let go for it to leave you. And when you werent anxious you wouldnt do something good or funny and say to yourself that was really funny but than two days later think i can t think of anything funny to say or creative like i did two days ago, and beat yourself saying i wasnt as funny as last week or postive, becuase when we not anxious we dont pay that much attention to our feelings or thoughts , this comes under the habit of always tuning in to how we feel i think and the point i was trying make when your not anxious your not as a concerned about yourself, the reason many of us have got serve anxiety is becuase we become highly concerned with the we are and think.

    I think all the overnalysing was brought on by the worry of my A2 exam tmoro, sometimes there may a cataylst for a bad stint of anxiety and if you understand like paul explains in the book and like i finally did with this bout of anxiety it takes the fear out and i felt better instantly, i mean i still feel like theres cloud in my head but there fine becuase understand it. I always like to think of anxiety as a very good character building journey, whatever age you age, becuase of anxiety ive realised not to worry as much, stop trying to be perfect or good at everythng becuase we are all perfection and recovery from anxiety is a process where we gradually find and fall in love with ourselves again. Remember whatever stage your at or how bad you feel you will get through this and most importantly learn from it.

    If anyone has listened to Barry white let the music play, or if you haven’ t, listen too it and im sure it will make some sense to you and mirror how anxety condition makes you feel and how to overcome it for e.g. “let the music play” as paul says let the anxiety symtpons, tired mind habit if thinking too deeply “play” in your mind without any fear or notoerity as its normal and the stay in it, till “thismisery is gone” (horrible feeling such paranioa etc “kicking and groovin ” being the living alongside it which will heal you :)

    An i want to end on something that was in batman begins that sums up this hard journey of recovery “why do we fall, so we can learn to pick our selves up again” im not recovered and may not be for a while, but im getting there and im going live my life to the full regardless of how i feel and with each fall like my last i will get a new understanding of myself and abulid a better self belef for the future

    You’ll will get there however bad you feel 😀

  183. Mike H. Says:

    I need some help or advice.

    I have been recovering nicely. I am hanging out with my friends several times a week, spending time with my family, and looking for jobs. I could go on like this for a while, if I had to. I’m supposed to be starting a new job in a week. A lot of the feeling of detachment has been leaving me. My voice sounds like me, and I am talking and interacting….but then out of nowhere, I had a bad day, and ever since then I”VE BEEN OBSESSED WITH SOUNDS. …like I am listening to everything, zooming in on every sound, wondering why it sounds that way…etc. It’s been going on for like 3 days. And just when I THOUGHT I WAS MAKING PROGRESS. NOW I’M WORRIED I’m GOING TO BE PARANOID ABOUT SOUNDS AT WORK!

    I Never had this before. ALl of a sudden I just am obsessing over sounds.
    WHY does anxiety just pick new things to Obsess over?

    HELP, please. Do I just allow this obsession to be tthere and eventually it will go away? I mean, I guess I’m supposed to do nothing?? RIght?



  184. KM Says:

    Just want to say that your post was fantastic, really uplifting and great advice, i’ve been following it all day.

  185. Diana Says:

    Glad it helped, KM. :) Thanks for letting me know it helped.

    Mike, if you allow yourself to obsess and spend your time thinking about it then you are doing the opposite of what you need to do. Acknowledge that it’s there and get active doing something that will bring your focus elsewhere. Allow yourself to rest if necessary, but every time you feel your energy and attention dragged to the noise, acknowledge it and move your thoughts, energy and attention in a different direction. In the beginning it helped me to imagine such invasive thoughts as clouds that I then allow to float away. Don’t give them weight or priority. It’s just a thought like any other – those silly noises. Remember to think with a so-what attitude. So there’s those noises. So what. Go and do something else.

    The answer is no, you are not supposed to do nothing. You are supposed to go on and live your life and bring your focus elsewhere. If you don’t do that, the obsession gets all of your focus.

  186. Daphne Says:

    Dear Sue,
    I’m looking up for a post from you telling you were to town or to the park with your son… I’m sure this day will come. Of course it’s a little more difficult for you to go through anxiety by acceptanceand maybe you will need some months more to recover than others, but nevertheless it’s the same mechanism and you got the same possibility to go this way like everyone on this site.
    And you’re right, anxiety has different ways to become manifest, but it’s all the same, no matter, what are the special thoughts a person obsesses about or the physical symptoms or the special situations that frighten the most. Ithink espiecially DP makes you easily think you got something worse, but it also belongs just to anxiety.
    Wish you all the best!

  187. Kate Says:


    The post you wrote on 23 Jan is fantastic! I am still struggling with an irrational thought/fear which I have built up and sort of make myself think about it everyday and check in to see if it’s there. You have just given me an extra nudge and reminder to see the fear as lies and carry on.

    Thank you


  188. Diana Says:

    Kate — I was an expert on checking in to see if the grim fear is still with me!!! I would say to myself something like: Just checking – oh yeah, there you are, you nasty little bugger. hmmmm. You’re scaring the pants off of me. hmmmmm.

    I think, if I remember correctly, I changed this by acknowledging the checking in. Oh yeah, Di, you just checked in. Well, maybe you won’t tomorrow. And I would just let it go like — whatever — and at some point it clicked in my subconcious that the grim fear was still there ONLY BECAUSE I was checking in on him. And that’s when he moved on. When I would think of my fear after that it was only in passing and I would hardly give it even more than a moment.

    See the fear. Say AHHH. Try to yawn – like oh, man, this is boring. And keep going. I still occasionally get the heart beats when a situation pushes that fear up in my conscious. But there is another huge difference now. I’m rested and more or less recovered from 35 years of anxiety fatigue that was killing my body. So my ability to keep things in perspective has improved massively. So if Mr. Grim Fear comes tickling my brain, I am better able to swat it like the nasty annoying fly that it is.

    So keep with it Kate. It’s an irrational fear that feeds on your tiredness and exhaustion. Your tiredness puts you out of perspective and you check in. And lo and behold, Mr. Fear is there. Let him be, and focus on YOU. :)

  189. Kate Says:

    Thanks for your advice Diana. I am very near recovery but there are still days when it gets me, if I’m tired etc and I still believe I could do this thing but most of the time I just say ‘as if’ and can see it in a more rational way. Its interesting to see that you suffered for 35 years, I’m so glad you are recovered! I have suffered for about 16 years and really thought I had had it too long to recover fully as the habi was ingrained. Thanks again Diana :)

  190. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Kate you never have anxiety too long to recover. I suffered for 10 long years and yes it took longer for me to overcome habits that I had fallen into. The checking in came automatic most of the time, I was so used to doing it. I did not try to stop the habit of checking in, I would just not follow it through by ruminating over and over about things. My habit was to check in, ‘yes I understood that and that was something I could not just switch off’ but my new habit was to allow my attention to be on me and not care anymore, accept this self awareness as part of me and carry on with my day.

    Diana talks a lot of sense in her posts, especially about the fear we sometimes carry around with us. At times it is like hearing someone outside your house late at night, your not quite sure what your scared of, but there seems to be danger, it’s like a hovering fear. This is just senstitised nerves, there is no real danger, just tired nerves that seem to vibrate at the smallest thing, add a little harmless adrenalin into the mix and you can sometimes feel a little fear for what seems like no reason, but fear cannot harm you, we have felt it since the dawn of time, it’s nothing new. Be o.k with feeling a little adrenalin on tired nerves, don’t let it throw you, it can do you no harm. There is no more danger in your life than there was before anxiety, nothing more to fear, it’s just are nerves are sensitised.

    This also applies to being scared of our symptoms. Have you ever been at home and your mind is taken back to you and not what you are doing, you may try and do something to make yourself feel better, you may be on the verge of tears as you don’t want to feel this way, you may pull away from how you are feeling, avoid the knock on the door because you don’t want to talk with anyone, avoid the phone, avoid socialising, it is almost like asking the world to leave you alone.

    This was once me and one day I realised I was doing everything wrong. I had to feel this, answer the phone, allow it all to be part of me, not care, I was basically like a scared little puppy. But no more I wanted to feel this, face this, answer every knock on the door, this scared puppy behaviour was doing me no good, the only way to be strong again was to act strong and not pull away anymore, to feel everything and will and see it as part of me and not something I should spend my day trying to get rid of or hide away from.

    If you read from stories/advice from everyone on here who has made huge strides, they will mainly say it’s not how they felt that changed initially, it’s how they viewed it in a different light, there attitude towards how they felt changed. This is why some people can read the book or a post/reply on here and feel better, this is because they view the way they feel in a different light, with more understanding, that feeling that scared them so much or dominated their day does not seem as important anymore.


  191. James Says:

    Good morning everyone,

    This one I’m a little scared and embarresed to ask but has anxiety ever got in the way of your relationships/love life?

    Thank you

  192. Claire Says:

    CHARLES LINDEN method – there was an article in the daily mail yest advocating the Linden method – Paul no disrespect to you – but has anybody looked into this as an addition to Paul’s advice on here and is Linden method any good? Thanks

  193. natalie Says:

    hi claire i thought i would just drop you a little email regarding your question, have to say that i have not tried the linden method but i would say that i think the best thing to do is stick to one way.. your mind is already tired and it could be confusing using two different types of information regarding anxiety. i would also say that for me personally i read what paul says in his book and i know it is real he has been there and come through. that what he says makes sense that the people that go on to recover come back to this site to help with their story, that this is a community of people who all support each other. It sounds like you in the early stages of recovery claire and i know that the need to get better QUICKLY is what fuels your search for the BEST WAY!!! trust me when i say this site really helps, myself still not fully recovered but with the help and advise on this site am able to get on with my day to have alife and to get that little bit of encourage on those days when things seem far away. i hope this helps, try to be kind to yourself and let go of this need to be back to “normal” i akin it to grief in a way.. both feelings that you would rather not have but it is a process you will recover in time you cannot rush these things and will learn so much about yourself in the process xxx

  194. Si Says:


    Not being funny and don’t want to put anyone down but I am 100% sure you don’t need the linden method and the reason why I say this is because I tried it and got very frustrated with it.


    Well, little did I know what I know now. And what I know now is what Paul has written. The Linden Method does not tell you why you feel like you do… to a degree it puts pressure on you to do the “9 Pillars” and to be honest it’s not what you want when you are already scratching about trying to make yourself feel like the old you!

    I have treid load and loads of stuff including CBT and for me Pauls “METHOD” if that’s what you want to call it, I like to refer to it as advice because method means to do something and the only method we need is to let it come, let it have it’s fuss and let it go… NO METHOD, just life (Live it)

    Im not there yet, still good and bad days, but one thing for sure, I don’t search for help, I don’t look for magic cures, I just want to be the old me and the way to do that is to just be me, no matter how I feel

    Hope it makes sence


  195. Si Says:


    Just an idea regards your new web site. Have you considered creating a audio download?

    The reason why I say this is because I feel that listening to someone else has a greater impact on your memory, plus it’s a great thing to pop on your ipod when you need a little inspiration/boost and it can be done descreet

    Just a thought…… And Im actually laughing at myself because I have some downloads that I realy can’t stand to listen to, some of them giving advise on the audio sound like they have more problems than I do. I suppose it takes a special kind of calm and caring voice to make an impact. :)


  196. natalie Says:

    just one query for anyone that has the time please..can see this is natural considering all the adrenalin and over thinking i have done in my time but i seem to feel constantly tired and lacking in enthusiasm for things.. i believe i read someone before mentioning this… like to nite my friend wanted me to go pole dancing.. lol.. for fitness not as a career ha ha .. but i didn’t go.. to be honest it is expensive and money tight but the truth be told i just could not be bothered been to work and done dinner and sorted my boys out for bed and am pooped now .. before i ws always up for anything and had soooooo much energy.. i just keep telling myself this will come in time and just to let my body work to its own pace.. and really as a working mum most people probably would feel the same :) xx any advice on what activities might help me increase my energy.. i think my friend has taken it personally that i don’t do the going out partying thing anymore.. that makes me sad but then again .. a real friend would understand and i don’t let sstuff like that upset me like it used to.. more important things to think about these days :) XXX

  197. Teresa J Says:

    It is nice to see Diana back on here, really great to see you are doing so well – your advice is always so calm and helpful. I was suprised to see you had had it for 35 years and Kate 16 years – I, like Kate, felt that maybe I will improve but not recover because of the length of time i have suffered, probably about 12 years now -don’t get me wrong I am not the person I was 2 years ago when I came on this site, I am improving and I understand so much of what is happening, and everynow and again another layer of the onion is peeled off. I therefore take great heart from seeing people who have recovered to the point it is no longer an issue in their lives yet have had anxiety for a very long time. I have found Joe’s post very inspiring too and I really hope you are feeling better again now Joe.
    Natalie – I think you have shown that you really have understood what your body is telling you – you are allowed to do what you want to do and not always please other people, it takes a lot of energy to go to work and look after children, i expect your friend will understand. There is no particular things to do to bring back energy – but you will find that if you find something YOU really want to do that it will help fire you and you won’t need to worry about increasing your energy, it will come anyway because you will forget being tired. Fresh air is always great too. hope that helps.

    I have a question – maybe someone can answer it, i don’t really know. Does anyone find that they get something that is real – pain or discomfort related to a real situation and that the anxiety turns the volume up on it, and perhaps you may take pain killers or whatever to relieve it but they don’t work because your anxiety is tuned into the problem. I feel I am understanding what happens to a great degree but as if I over react to somethings – I know the answer i suppose is to accept the pain and carry on but sometimes its difficult to know when you should actually try and do something about it.
    Claire – re The linden method, i would follow Si’s advice. The more pro active the ‘method’ the worse it is. Far better to stick with the advice you will get on here . It is so natural to want to speed things up when you don’t feel well – and anxiety tries to push and rush things. Try and give yourself as much time in the world as you can to recover and by doing that your mind will slacken and start to give you breaks. We know how hard it is, but the breaks do come and you will get better and better. hope things are improving for you.

  198. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Claire I can’t talk about the linden method as this would be seen as me trying to put others down for my own gain and it would land me in trouble.

    It would be like him going on his site slagging me off and telling others not to go near me so people buy his program. Not that I am interested in putting others down for my gain, it’s not what I am about, but it could be percieved this way. Others though are free to express there views, just not me.

    I think though we have all done the ‘Spend a fortune looking for that instant cure to make it all go away’ I know I did.

  199. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    The audio file Si, someone else once asked me this. Firstly I am not sure people would want to hear my northern accent on their ipod :) And I really don’t want to go down a the route of a website of more than a book, theres enough ‘Anxiety stores’ out there. Hopefully there is enough in the book and on here to get people feeling far better without spending more than the price of a book.

  200. scarlet Says:


    Just read your post. Am sorry about your situation at home.

    I was the same as your mum for 3 months, sounds as it she’s suffering depression. I took to my bed as well and couldn’t get out, I had severe depression and anxiety during those times and was heavily pregnant as well. I had absolutely no motivation at all and bed was my only option (so I thought at that time).

    The good news is your mum can get well again, she just doesn’t realise that living life alongside the symptoms is the way to go. She gets up, feels the same despondency and heads off back to bed waiting for the feeling to go before she is able to live her life again. I know I did exactly the same for a long time.

    I suppose the question is, how do you get your mum interested in living again. It’s a slow process, and one she needs to get out of bed for, she needs a purpose in life, something to engage her mind, keep her occupied from all the inward thinking.

    Marc, my mum was the same as yours, in her last few years she took to her bed and didn’t get out for years. At the time I was living away, so it didn’t affect me as much as it did you, and at the time I didn’t realise it was depression/anxiety, as she had other underlying issues (emphysema), and I hadn’t suffered myself at that time, so couldn’t empathise. It’s only in hindsight that I now realise what she was going through.

    What I would have done differently is educated her slowly on what was going on, given her some encouragement that she could get well again and that bed was not the answer, and I would have engaged her in everyday living, but that takes a lot of time and effort on your part, this is why i think you need a bit of professional help to take the weight off your young shoulders.

    When I was in the UK and at my worst, my sisters took me to the Mental Health Dept and I was seen by a nurse and they organised some women to come and see me every day to get me dressed and take me out waking and talking (they were volunteers). For these services you need to go to your local GP so he can set this up for your mum (I am assuming you are in the UK Marc???) This would be my first port of call if I were in your position. You are only young and do not need to feel guilty at all, you and your sister have done all you can and need to live your own lives.

  201. Diana Says:

    Hi. Yes you can recover even if this anxiety and panic have been with you most of your life. Please, recovery does not mean you are immune to fear. It means that when you get scared or worried, you have the tools to 1. keep it in its proper perspective 2.handle it appropriately and 3. not let it ruin your hour/day/week/life.

    I still get jolts of fear – some are intense. But I understand the anatomy of fear now. I don’t take it personally (god why is this happening to ME? What did I DO to bring this on?) anymore and realize that it’s part of who I am, just like being sensitive or having brown eyes. It does not have to rule my world, exhaust me or take me apart. I can decide about that.

    I think the last thing i really took on in Paul’s message is how important physical well-being plays a role. Putting your needs first – getting rest, exercise and good nutrition. Feeling WELL physically makes a huge difference.

    Since so much of anxiety is tied in to physical fatigue and exhaustion it becomes a vicious circle. I feel like crap physically and don’t have any energy. Then there are the fears that lead to adrenaline depletion, so i go back to feeling like crap. Taking care of our physical bodies is a sign to our psyche that we are willing to put ourselves first. It’s an important building block.

    Laughing helps immensely. I have taken to loud music from my hey-day and dancing around the room a lot. Belting out Bruce Springsteen has a very cathartic effect on me. Who knew?? :)

    I also meditate and clear my brain of all its garbage for 10 minutes a day. THis helps me ALOT. It’s not religious for me and it’s not everyone’s thing. But since people with anxiety think too much, stopping thinking for 10 minutes is a GREAT idea. You get energized from it.

    In other words, taking care of your heart and soul and doing things to make yourself feel well goes hand in hand with beating the habits that keep you locked up in anxiety.

    This is a process, and how long it takes differs for each of us. But we can learn a lot about ourselves during this process and it can be very, very positive.

  202. DEE Says:

    Hi everyone
    I have just popped onto the site this morning after having my moan about disturbing thoughts on the 21/1 and it made me feel quite sad to see no-one had commented & I now feel a bit silly posting all that info. in the first place. I know we all have our own problems with anxiety that may not seem be like any one else’s but now I am just thinking I must be the only person to have thoughts like that. The thoughts may be different to other people’s but are they all caused by anxiety?
    Diana – I have read your comments which are so well worded and excellent – you calm me down!
    This place is so supportive of any kind of anxiety and I have learned a lot but acceptance of my thought process is the one thing I find very very hard.
    All the best

  203. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Totally agree about the looking after yourself Diana. I did this to help with anxiety at first, but put too much pressure on myself to feel better after excercise etc. I also watched for improvments and demanded to feel better when I ate better and looked after myself. I realised I just had to do it for me and if I felt better I did, if not then so be it. That different attitude helped so much.

    I don’t think we have to be perfect, I certainly was not and liked a few drinks to wind down and socialise and ate the odd piece of stodge. I just made some changes for the better and went for walks, swims, runs and changed my diet and ate a bit healthier.

    I also had a lot of me time. I would do jigsaws to help focus outwardly and found it nice and peaceful and went back to drawing which I used to love to do, both seemed to refresh my mind, but again I did it with no expectations, just for me, because I enjoyed it.


  204. Diana Says:

    Dee don’t feel silly. We have to have some place to come and write it all when we are in the grips of it. I think that disturbing thoughts are very much part of the exhaustion and tension we go through. We are trying to scare ourselves and guess what, we succeed every time, don’t we? If we don’t our subconscious ups the anti until we are just waiting for these awful thought to enter our heads.

    You are so not the only person to have scary thought towards loved ones. Believe me. It’s one of the many variations on a theme of anxiety and panic. Chuck it up to anxiety and realize “as (expletive) if…..” ….you would never, ever do anything to hurt anyone. It’s the tired mind working hard at scaring you.

    Paul, I do enjoy my glass of wine with dinner :) I gave it up for awhile but it’s something I love with good food. I am going with what feels good myself these days. I yanked my arm but good last week walking my very strong Labrador and am letting my husband walk him this week with no guilt about it. I need to let myself heal when I am hurt instead of trying to carry on like a soldier, crying in my helmet. :)

  205. James Says:

    Well guys great news! Most of my thoughts have disappeared and I really no longer feel trapped in a whole different world. :) I still however have some trouble sleeping constantly getting up from time to time but I’m sure once my anxiety completely goes away I should be ok again.

  206. Teresa J Says:

    Yes Diana high expectations can leave you trapped in a ‘trying to get rid’ trap again – you are right when you say that we are not immune to fear (and accepting it is recovery), I think i am stuck in a bit of a ‘chasing my own tail’ over certain physical symptoms at the moment. They are not stopping me doing anything and I have moved forward so much, but as everyone knows it’s so easy to become drawn into the loop and I’m beating myself up about not handling it better – as I should know better by now . I enjoy walking a labrador who has more strength than me too, lol. hope your arm gets better soon. They are very strong dogs.
    Regarding looking after yourself, it does help to keep yourself sensibly well by sleeping and getting fresh air, watching that you generally eat and drink well too – but i understand what Pauls says too as I used to be so careful about my food, no dairy/wheat etc it was part of the ‘watching’ and no good. Now I just do what I believe is generally right and I don’t over do or do without anything I like.
    Dee please don’t feel you are being silly – anxiety can make you feel all sorts of things and have you believing them too! The people on here will understand that better than anyone, we have all been there and sometimes still are. No matter what the thoughts – they are anxiety, I know its hard to accept them – they will go and you are not different to other people.

  207. Clara Says:

    Hi Diana, Paul, scarlet, helen

    loved ur post Diana…it was so encouraging !
    Im far better now compared to where i fell and i almost can grasp it when i feel bad…i dont get terified…though i do get irritated and feel low…
    i keep myself busy most of the issue is whenever i have some free time my mind just drifts on how things are so difficult for me and i am no good at doing things, what they thought of me and the like…infact i know im capable of looking after my needs and family after having lived through anxiety at its worst..but these thoughts keep following me i know they are just thoughts but it nags me like anything….!

    i have noticed another thing in me…even before i fell into this trap i have noticed that a particular sight or an event can make me have a thought and even without my knowlege i follow the train of thought to a great extend untill i have reached somewhere bringing unnecessary conclusions and tensions…
    because of this i am aware each time my train of thought begins…

    i want to ask u something…. isnt that good to be aware so that the mind doesnt analyse unnecessary thoughts..?

    i feel its better if i am aware that i am ‘thinking’ rather than just floating through…it takes me somewhere…finally i feel drained…

    when i talk to people i always keep a watch on me and how i appear may be to be the ‘perfect’ person….now it has become a habit so difficutl to get rid of…
    so each time i get conscious of mysef i totally switch those feelings saying thats anxiety and soon drift to teh topic spoken about…that was quite a relief…!!
    isnt that a right method…the moment when i am able to brush off taht its anxiety half of my issues are already solved…!

    would like to hear from u all….
    Cheers to all for more good days to come..

  208. dee Says:

    Diana & Teresa – thanks so much for your replies. Yes, Diana you are right, I expect them to come and scare & upset me and guess what…! will have to start swearing at them I think lol. I know deep down they are all absolute rubbish and I have got through other symptoms of anxiety by understanding it, living with it, and it passes. Just seems this is lingering for the time being.
    Best wishes

  209. Heather Says:

    HI guys,
    I have a rather positive thing to say regarding anxiety and this website. About 1.5 years ago I tried marijuana for the first time and had a completely different reaction than expected- I felt like I couldn’t breathe, thought I was dying and felt completely out of touch with reality- what I know now was a panic attack. The funny thing was, that after the event I really didnt think much about it and didnt suffer from a lot of anxiety, except about 6 months later I experienced my first symptoms of DP and DR. Of course, just like many others, I thought I was going mad, convinced myself I had schizophrenia and hated myself because I thought that the marijuana had changed my brain chemistry forever. February of 2010 was when I discovered this website and since then I have had little bouts of anxiety, but never any DP. As of January 25, 2011 I can say that I am recovered. Of course I still get anxious, but never to the point where I feel like my world is falling apart or where I think i am dying- the difference stems from the fact that I am not afraid of my feelings. Of course the symptoms of anxiety are confusing and unpleasant, but I just stopped caring about how I feel. Today I feel completely normal and back to myself. I believe that there is hope for every single person out there! I felt that my situation was pretty bad- I even had thoughts about suicide( not that I would ever do it- i think it was more of a FEAR of the word and the idea) . Obviously I know that many people have been suffering longer, but the amount of time you have suffered DOESNT matter. The reason people still suffer is because they pay so much respect to they way they feel. I just wanted to post my story because I honestly have faith in everyone and truly believe from the bottom of my heart that everyone has the ability to recover from this.

  210. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Just to add to recent posts.

    This site is not a quick fix, it is here to build people’s knowledge up, to add advise that helps shift their thinking and the way they view how they feel. It is here to help people progress in the right way by knowledge and a far better understanding, which is the way forward. It is a shift in attitude and being o.k with the way they feel that brings the real results.

    All the people who come back to say they have their life back and the people who say how much better they feel, all at some point felt utter despair. Now though they have far more knowledge and better understanding and are able to advise others. This is open to everyone, so keep the faith, how you feel today has no bearing on how you will feel in the future.

  211. Clara Says:

    Hi Paul

    i would like to add something here that it would be great to have a positive blog alongside the main blog…a page where we can contribute whatever we have done inspite of having anxiety…or anthing positive…hobbies or activities people do….which will take our mind a little off the topic and gives inspiration and helps see things in a different light …wherein we get to think of doing a lot of things to keep ourselves engaged.


  212. SI Says:


    I agree, it would be a good idea to have somewhere set aside for positive, motivational things, not that the main blog isn’t motivational because I truly believe it’s a life saver to some degree.


    What you wrote is very inspiring, short and to the point and I hope that one day I will be in the same place as you and will be able to share my sucess story with everyone else. It is very helpful to read about people that have got through it, even if my mind keeps telling me I am different and I can’t do it :)

    I do have a question however, did you have to push yourself to do things, even the simplist of things? and did you ever have problem with relaxing? I am struggling with relaxing at home, for what ever reason I get very tense trying to just sit down in he daytime, it’s like I feel I should be doing something and therefore push myself to just potter if I can’t find anything to do. I don’t like being alone (good job I am not alone for long) but I remember when I used to look forward to coming home, crashing out on the sofa and nodding off. Can’t for the life of me do this anymore and I even get anxious about the thought that other people can do it and don’t have a care in the world. I am sure it’s just anxiety but do I just ignore my thoughts and carry on regardless or do I force myself to try and chill no matter how I feel. It’s Like a guilty thing?


  213. Rosemary Says:

    HI Matt K
    Just looking back and re reading old posts. I noticed you said that you could have copied my post word for word…interesting that we all feel the same way just from fear. I wondered how you have been doing. I am feeling fairly positive and having some good days but that underlying fear is sitting in the background but I am just carrying on as normal giving it no importance (easier said than done on some days). I do sometimes think is this just anxiety because i can feel so blank and empty (is this depression) but then there are days when I am just happy with everything and so OK with everything. I think depression is a fear word for me, one that makes me feel edgy etc…so I will continue to put everything under anxiety and carry on. I really hope you are having good days.
    I am still riding the roller coaster but it seems to be slowing down a lttle which is fantastic. Just hate the ups and downs . Hope you are well.

  214. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Clara I totally agree and think it’s a great idea, it will not be a seperate blog, just a seperate page for people to put in their favourites and post. i could contribute when I get a positive email. I once did an off topic post and it went very well with people talking of their hobbies and life in general. As that happens people started posting for advice even though I asked them not to, but I think I could make this doubly clear. I am in the middle of a revamp of the main site, it should be done by next week. This will include a page of success stories. In fact this would be a great place to start with me posting a couple of these on the blog.

    Leave it with me and I promise the next post will be about this and kept totally for inspiring stories, the blog can bog you down at times and it’s nice just to hear positive stories and small victorys.

    I am always open to ideas and in the main its others that give me the best ones as it tells me what others want.


  215. Matt K Says:

    Hey Rosemary,

    I’m hanging in there. I am on day number 5 of not smoking, so I’m definately anxious and a little panicky, but I am determined not to let it drive me back to smoking. Smoking has been my crutch for 20 years and he way that I figure it is that it is kind of silly to just work on my mental state and forget about my physical state! :) I dont want to die young and happy, rather old and happy! :) I have two kids that want me to stick around for awhile, so they are my inspiration. Had some really rough moments over the past couple of days, but they will get better as time goes on. At work is the hardest because smoking was my excuse to get out of the office every hour to take a mental break! I dont have that anymore, so the day is really dragging and I can feel my anxiety going up and down all day. I keep telling myself that it is just a habit and the anxiety that I am feeling is from the withdrawl and changing the habit. I heard that it is one of the hardest things to quit, so I should expect to feel wigged out! But I also need to be proud of myself for everyday I go without!

    I’m glad you are having some good days! It sure feels good when those come around! I always find it interesing when we have a good streak and think we are all better and have this nipped in the bud and then all of a sudden its back and everything is doom and gloom again! I am really trying to take notice that bad days happen and we just need to roll with them until the good days come back. Hopefully with what Paul says, the good day streaks will get longer and longer and before you know it you wont remember when the last bad day was!

    I still get afraid of anxiety, I know that it cant do anything to me, but when I feel it, the thoughts of me not being able to function and losing everything that I have worked for in my life come on strong! I just need to contribute the thoughts to anxiety and let them roll!

    On a positive note, I am running on the treadmill again and just started to learn some mindfuless meditation from Jon Kabat-Zinn. I plan on going back to do some yoga again as well. I want to feel good from the inside out and with pauls advice and some meditation training, I think that I’m on my way!

    I had another thought as well about the website…I think it would be very interesting to see where everyone is from. Maybe a map with a little dot on it to represent someone who has visited here. I think that would be neat to see! Also if anyone of us wanted to get together for a meetup or something, sometimes that is helpful as well. I could be a voluntary thing to provide the information, not required. Thanks for running this site! It is a lifeline for many of us! And truly gives me hope for a full recovery!

  216. natalie Says:

    hi guys just a quickie just been reading some recent posts.. and wondered everyone seems to have a different take on recovery.. maybe it is different for everyone.. but am hoping i will be able to see a little of the old me reservice.. think diane said you still get waves of fear.. but that to me means you are still recovering.. is it possible to be totally anxiety free (apparent from the usual nerves and fears) i hope so but just want to check in case i might be aiming to high in my expectations here and need to lower them xx thanks guys

  217. Ian Says:

    Thought about the website, not sure if its a good one or not, but perhaps something, shortish, to explain to partners/spouses/’interested parties’. Totally up and down at present and needing to explain/talk to my (already incredibly supportive) wife, but can’t explain it to myself properly so wondering what to say to her. She’s not interested in reading your book (no offence :) )

  218. Paulina Says:

    Hello All, I havnt been here for a while and honestly I dont have the need to come here every day.. Something has clicked and Paul’s book and this site has saved my life!… I went thru many of the mental symptoms and some stress related ones that just turn my world upside down… But I dont want to bother you all with unnessesary detail…. What I really want to say today is that I didnt believe or understand how one can get better.. but it happened so gradually that here I am today, realxing in front of the fire place…
    I am at an interestng stage…. almost recovered,, Everytime I know I will get my blood pressure taken I get panicky or very anxious… my heart rate goes up and I just can relax…. As a result, my blood pressure results have been comming out pretty bad…bad I have nevver suffer from high B.p but since the anxiety stroke I can seem to relax when i am getting tested so I culd get accurate numbers.. And when this happens my head will start to bring thouhts about health issues and other heart realted problems.. that “what if” bla bla bla.

    This has been a tough one to overcome but other than that… I feel pretty good! any insights?

    I hope your winter is not so cold…. :)


  219. Kat Says:

    Thank you, Helen, for your words of encouragement and support.

    I keep clinging to what you say, that you’ve felt exactly what I feel and yet you recovered and came out stronger for it. These past three months have been so difficult for me that I have to admit I have a tendency to think ‘It’ll never be better than this. I keep trying and it doesn’t go away.’ Then, I realize that ‘trying’ is probably my main problem, but with every day I feel a sense of disconnect between myself and my partner, more anxiety builds because of the unfairness I feel I’m subjecting him to. This makes me want to try harder to fix it, but, as you already know, this makes it worse. I suppose that I worry about what this might be doing to him, and most of all, I worry that I’ll never get back what I used to feel.

    I hate second-guessing everything. I hate that I am not the emotional support he needs at times because I am so focused on myself. It’s like I feel like I’ve already lost everything, even if intellectually I know this is a ridiculous thought. I don’t like being short-tempered and irritable. He deserves more than this.

    Admittedly, I have been analyzing the situation and I came away from that thinking ‘Come one, you don’t fall out of love overnight. You have been mad about him for so long that it makes very little sense to think you don’t feel that way about him anymore. He is the same man and everything you love about him is still there.’ Which is why the feelings are so strange to me. How can you NOT love someone who you know is basically perfect for you?

    And yet, all of that doesn’t do anything to alleviate the fear and lack of connection. I can’t feel any kind of closeness, lust or compassion that I so readily felt before. I just would like the anxiety/dread to take a holiday so I can at least tap in for a bit to reassure myself that the positive emotions are still there.

    I know this isn’t all about him. I suspect I am obsessing, and that because he is, aside from our daughter, the most important person in my life, I am building fear on top of fear. I also know there is magic cure, but I have moments of weakness in which I believe it will never improve and this absolutely flattens me.

    I need to find ways to accept this, I know. Please know that I appreciate and eagerly accept any advice you offer. I have been reading as much about this as I can, and so far the only material I’ve found regarding relationships and anxiety that has helped me so far is a tiny bit by Claire Weekes. I truly wish she’d written more about the subject, but I am grateful that she wrote as much about it as she did. Before that, and before coming to this site, I had no idea that this kind of thing happens! Like I mentioned before, I’m certain it was destroyed my last relationship, which is why I worry so much now.

    I know others can relate, and that helps.

  220. Teresa J Says:

    Kat – re read your post, sometimes it helps. What is the most important thing you are trying to achieve – and there is your answer. Your whole focus, whether it is to fix the anxiety about your feeling or to fix your ‘feelings’ towards your partner are what is consuming your mind. If you did not love this person dearly, belive me, you would not care whether you felt like this or not – you would be more concerned with other matters, you are not destroying your relationship . Relationships do hit times when things settle down, like emotions, they fluctuate – we tend to want things to be perfect and perhaps you are expecting to feel too ‘high’ about things and in so doing you’re obsessing about why you don’t feel high. i know it’s uncomfortable at the moment but if you can tell yourself, you obviously DO love him lots and that its not that you don’t love him enough that is causing this but that you love him too much, can you see what i mean, you care too much and therefore it’s causing anxiety. People who suffer anxiety normally care too much about other peoples feelings. Accept the lack of strong feelings as part of anxiety tricks – know in the back of your mind that the truth is different because if these were real feelings you wouldn’t be worrying about doing something you would be doing something about it. I am not dismissing how real all this seems – or how miserable it can make you feel – but anxiety is such a clever thing it finds what really bothers you and gets its hooks in – getting them to release is a fine art of telling them to do their worst as you don’t care anymore and I know how difficult that is – but believe me you can do it and you will do it but just try and tell these thoughts that they can be there but you know they are lies, a bit like someone who you know is a liar. Hope that helps – you’ll come through, we all do – but you are in the storm at the moment, it will pass.

  221. DEE Says:

    Hi Teresa
    I know your reply was to Kat but I have to tell you it was so well written and thoughtful and in fact helped me too. ‘tell these thoughts they can be there but you know they are lies’ – exactly what I try telling myself about my thoughts and also so true about anxiety getting its hooks into what hurts us most. I also am one of those people who cares too much about pleasing everyone and worry about hurting their feelings – I only feel happy if everyone else is ok. It’s not such a bad thing to be like that but I go overboard with it I know.
    Kat – hope Teresa’s post helps you too.

  222. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    I had another thought as well about the website…I think it would be very interesting to see where everyone is from. Maybe a map with a little dot on it to represent someone who has visited here. I think that would be neat to see! Also if anyone of us wanted to get together for a meetup or something, sometimes that is helpful as well. I could be a voluntary thing to provide the information, not required. Thanks for running this site! It is a lifeline for many of us! And truly gives me hope for a full recovery!

    Blooming heck Matt the map thing would take some technology, way beyond what I can do, if it is even possible. The meet up is entirely up to others, it’s a hard thing to set up as people are from different countries and areas.

    I am making some changes to the main site next week that will benefit others, I have around 4/5 new pages and some tinkering to do. Also the new page for positive posts on here, which I think is a great idea.

  223. KH Says:

    Hi James,

    I have trouble sleeping as well previously. But as my anxiety is getting better, I also find myself with less problem falling asleep. What I would usually do is to try and do something, e.g. sports or housework, to stay active. If you are tired, I believe you can fall asleep easier and as you work out, you also burn some adrenalin, which helps to reduce the anxious thoughts as well.

    Of course, it is also important to pay no attention to the thoughts. Random thoughts would sometimes flood my mind when I am trying to sleep, but I don’t question them, and they will actually disappear after a while. I believe if you do the same, your sleeping problem will slowly go away. Just don’t rush for it to happen. Hope that this small piece of advice can help you.

  224. KH Says:

    Hi everybody,

    To sidetrack a little bit, I am wondering where is everybody from? Are most of you from the western side of the world?

    I am actually from Malaysia. Just wondering if there are any Asians here as well?

  225. Ross Says:

    This is to everyone who may be struggling.

    Please please have full trust in pauls method . I had a setback recently and it made me see my attitude was wrong so I’m feeling a LOT better , I still have all symptoms but I’m ok with it, I do have few scary moments but they pass :) .

    Anxiety is natural and there is nothing wrong with us at all. If ur struggling you may need to educate yourself more but the best remedy is to go against all fears , nothing happens , I’ll bet u all my life savings (If I had any) haha.

    All this worrying and deep thinking will never help us even if we never had anxiety, so give yourselves a break!!

    Right now I have a ‘go with the flow’ of anxiety like I’m out at sea in the waves and one day il return to shore with the tide but if I fight it I will just go round in circles.

    I’m not recovered far from it , but I feel my attitude is right just now, it may slip but Im not bothered anymore. Do what u want anxiety I’m bored wi ya!!

  226. Ezra Says:

    Hi All,

    I posted last week but I dont know where its gone!! Does anybody have feelings of guilt/shame brought on by a previous action (maybe even years ago)
    Actions that was never given a second thought at the time and now I am runimating about them for days/weeks.
    I will think of an action or a conversation that I may of had and will get the familiar feelings of increased panic/anxiety until I confess to my poor suffering husband not matter how stupid or insignificant it is !!?!!
    I have suffered for the last 11 months and tried the Linden Method first, with no success. I must say Paul, your method is absolutely fantastic and has made SUCH a difference.
    This guilt though is driving me crazy and putting a huge strain on my marriage with young family.
    Please, any words of encouragement will help enourmously to keep me going guys :-)

  227. Mike H. Says:

    Some Help Needed.

    paul, scarlert, candy….

    Has anyone experienced hyper awareness of sound..

    This has hit me suddenly in the past 5 or 6 days. I feel like I’m hearing everything in the world. Just this hyper awareness of all that’s going on around me.

    I figure since this is recent and it can go away in time???
    is this just anxiety??

    it sounds like something that happens with PTSD.

    I don’t know if this is something anyone else has experienced on here.

  228. marc Says:


    thanks so much for the advice! ironically enough the day after i posted my last comment(my bday) my mum had like snapped out of it altogether! she wasnt feeling well during the day but then when me and my sister were out shopping for a couple of hours at night time we came back to find our mum cleaning around the house saying that she feels like shes back to normal! and my mum had been given new anti depressants there a couple of weeks ago so me and my sister thought that might be something to do with it, because when she got better the last time it was the same! she just snapped back to her old self, but that only lasted for a couple of months then went back to being unwell, and sadly enough with her feeling better on my bday, it has only lasted a few days and there yesterday she said she wasnt feeling well-panicky, fearful etc…. although the difference between her feeling better this time and last time is that last time she was very hyper, and this time she seemed more chilled and relaxed…..can this happen when people are taking meds scarlet? they can get periods for days maybe even a couple of months when they feel like their old selves then they can go back to square one?????????

    im in ireland scarlet so i wouldnt be too sure if we would have those services here but ill definetly check with my GP!!! that would actually be so helpful if there was someone to knock around every other day to get her out of the bed!!!! its really annoying cause my sister who works full time could ring me from her work in d mornings when im in bed myself trying to sleep(which i have enough trouble with) asking me to get her out of the bed, and when i tell her im not a babysitter and that im trying to sleep myself she gets in a snot with me!

    thanks again for the advice scarlet! hopefully things will start to pick up, even though my mum said she wasnt feeling well there yesterday she doesnt seem as zombieish as she usually is when shes not well and hasnt gone back to the bed once… plus i had a job interview there today so fingers crossed ill get it whichll help get rid of my anxiety/dp!!! :)

  229. Maisy Says:

    Dear REBECCA!
    thankou so much for your repsonce, that was the first time i have ever posted on this website and was beguinning to feel like my post hadnt grabbed anyones attention!

    It’s good to know some1 has had a similar experience to me in regards to the skunk, i do genuinly feel that if i had had the answers at the time it would have saved me alot of heartach the last 8 years since it happend. I would everntually be able to ignore the feelings and put them to the back of mymind, but as soon as a stressful time was happening for example uni or relationship problems the anxiety would come back with avengence and because I had no answers i would have to go through the same process again.

    I am currently going through this at the moment, and I am trying all the things Paul says. I feel like i’m a strong person, but the sheer suffering I have gone through (as anxeity and depression go hand in hand for me) make me wonder how a less stronger person would have survived, seeing as I am finding it SO hard :(

    It seems the thoughts of being mad, are imprinted in my mind, even though I can explain now why I felt the way i did, like you because of the anxiety we felt after the nasty exeperice with weed. But still this though doesnt leave me and it fuels itself of the thought ‘the world isnt real’, and when i think this i think ‘i must be mad if i cant accept the worlds real and enjoy my life!’ and so the anxiety circle continues. At my worst times i tell myself I am mad theres no hope for me and IT ISNT ANXIETY IM JUST CRAZY!

    PAUL, you mentioned adding more pages, axiety and depression is very useful, I would definatly say a page to do with anxiety and how it tried to convince you your mad would help people, as you go into on the website, but its not gone into very much depth?

    thankyou again REBECCA for your post, and making me feel welcome on this site :)

    I’m understanding now how the anxiety

  230. Ross Says:

    Hi Paul,
    Really feel I’m doin well with haven the right attitude, feel in good to finally give my mind a break!! Instead of thinking all the time.

    I really would like to give something back , I feel I want to help others who are struggling with anxiety, it would make me feel amazing to know I helped others , any advice on this?

  231. Victor Says:

    Hello Scarlet,

    I had a question, especially for you since you have given me so much help over the past couple of years. I have been making progress lately, and am doing much better than I was a few months ago but I feel like I am stuck and and concerned that this particular problem will always be a problem.

    My most difficult issue with my anxiety are odd thoughts that I get about my daughter. Not scary, but just odd thoughts that bother me. I have gotten to the point where I pretty much can go about my work day or whatever I am doing and hardly think about anxiety, and only get a few odd thoughts. The problem is when I know I am going to be around my daughter I feel like my mind becomes alert and I begin to zone in looking for thoughts to grab onto or situations to get odd thoughts about (hope this makes sense). I have gotten over this before but have been back in this mind set for about a year now and am worried this habit will become embedded in my thinking process if I do not get over it soon. I am even questioning is this anxiety or just a habit I have created? because thats what it feels like sometimes since so many of the thoughts are the same thoughts and are brought upon by the same situations.

  232. KM Says:

    Its great to hear your doing so well as at the begining of the month you were really struggling, and your shift in attitude has really brought about some real changes. I’m working on this too, i still have really high anxiety, racing thoughts about not being able to cope or get through the day, then i feel down about how much i’ve suffered and compare myself to others around me who seem to enjoy life so much. But then i remind myself that in the last month i’ve really had some good days, some great even, and i wouldn’t be having these if I wasn’t on the right track somehow. I force myself to be part of conversations (when i want to retreat), i make myself go and see friends, and I try to allow the anxiety to be there (this is the hardest part). Still feels like one step forward three steps back, but i’m seeing little progress just looking forward to being able to do all sorts of stuff without feeling dread. Like my partner wants to go out tonight with a group of his friends (which i’m not all that wrapt in their company) but the thought feels me with dread, and what if’s!! I will definatly go, as i’m forcing myself too, but inside i want to retreat, and stay at home and brood (hahaha) I surpose breaking habits is hard to do, but my habits have only been around for a few months and i can’t get over the hold they have. i feel like a smoker who smoked a pack of 50 a day suddenly withdrawing, and going through hell! But i remind myself its adrenaline, its a bluff, and I do have good moments in my days and like everyone else these will increase from moments to hours to days and so on. Keep in contact with your progress Ross its really encouraging :)

  233. KM Says:

    By the way how are you going with work, as this was such a place of struggle for you, has that improved?

  234. KH Says:

    Hi everybody,

    Just want to say thanks so much for the support and advices you all gave! Now I can safely say that I have recovered so much, the last time a panic attack happened on me, it actually took me 1 day or so to recover. I was feeling very awful but I just went on with my life, and very quickly, I just returned back to myself instead of being stuck in the cycle of anxiety. I will continue to work towards a full recovery. :)

  235. scarlet Says:


    “can they can get periods for days maybe even a couple of months when they feel like their old selves then they can go back to square one?????????”

    yes because she’s not adopting a new attitude to her anxiety/depression. It’s an attitude shift she needs. The pull to get back to bed has to be resisted no matter how she feels. Did you show her Paul’s latest blog entry on attitude shift (this one). Maybe it will be useful to cut and paste all Paul’s blog entry’s into word and print them off for your mum.

    With regards to services in Ireland. Check out website and under mental health services. They provide care in the community and you have to contact your GP or HSE info line. if you go to services and maps, you can search out the services in your area. In England they have volunteers who come to your house each day during the week and get you out of bed, help you wash, take you out or come for a chat… whatever is needed (after assessment). My Dad had the same service after my mum died and he was alone at home. They cooked his dinner every day, and came back on a night time to make sure he had locked his doors. check up on him.

  236. scarlet Says:

    Hi Victor,

    “My most difficult issue with my anxiety are odd thoughts that I get about my daughter. Not scary, but just odd thoughts that bother me. I have gotten to the point where I pretty much can go about my work day or whatever I am doing and hardly think about anxiety, and only get a few odd thoughts. The problem is when I know I am going to be around my daughter I feel like my mind becomes alert and I begin to zone in looking for thoughts to grab onto or situations to get odd thoughts about (hope this makes sense).”

    Sounds like you are still getting a bit of excess adrenalin when you think of your daughter, which is keeping some doubt around that perhaps you aren’t in control of your actions, and this doubt leads to more thoughts of the same nature. I’m sure it will work if you change your emotion to these thoughts. Obviously this will take a bit of practice and not work straight away, but try it. When you know that you are going to see your daughter and the intrusive thoughts come, change your emotion to an indifferent one and say ‘as’ if to yourself and carry on with what you are doing.

    ” have gotten over this before but have been back in this mind set for about a year now and am worried this habit will become embedded in my thinking process if I do not get over it soon. I am even questioning is this anxiety or just a habit I have created?”

    yes it’s habit, but it can be changed by changing you emotion to thoughts. then the new habit will take over…. don’t worry about having these lingering thoughts forever as you won’t. remember when the thoughts were coming thick and fast and you thought you would never be in the position you are in now. This is the same for odd intrusive thoughts, they will disappear with time when you give no credence to them. Otherwise you are doing great Victor….. :-)

    I have gotten over this before but have been back in this mind set for about a year now and am worried this habit will become embedded in my thinking process if I do not get over it soon. I am even questioning is this anxiety or just a habit I have created? because thats what it feels like sometimes since so many of the thoughts are the same thoughts and are brought upon by the same situations.

  237. KH Says:

    Hi everybody,

    I have a very simple question to ask. Sometimes when I sleep, I get all sorts of random thoughts which enter my mind. It’s like I don’t think about them, but my mind just cannot go to rest. The thoughts used to be very obsessive and odd, but ever since I don’t pay them any attention I can go to sleep without any problem. Has anyone experienced the same thing? Can you shed some light on how you handled it?

  238. Clara Says:

    Hello everybody,

    I was just thinking y i had fallen into this …most of the random thoughts we have are all anxiety related which i had never realised before and i blindly followed every thought of mine relentlessly untill it became a habit that i cant think or do anything on a random basis…

    it became a ‘must’ that i have to ‘think’ to do anything and everything which made my life unnecessarly complicated..!
    if we could just live life as it comes without thinking much life would have been so wholesome….

    Now the greatest blessing i received from Paul’s site is the realisation that our thoughts are ‘anxiety collaborated thoughts’ and thats not reality hence no analysis required..move on with the activities and things to do in life..! the only diffference between me and the people around me is i weigh each and every thought of mine..
    move on…!

    I often tend to fall into old habits this is a reminder for me and people out here who unknowingly fall into the trap of getting so engrossed with their thoughts out of habit..if u feel uneasy its ok…move on..have a fresh start as if nothing happened…! as in reality nothing ever happened..!


  239. marc Says:


    thanks so much for the advice! will get onto my GP monday and organise it! :) your an angel! :)


    what your experiencing there is intrusive thoughts, anybody that has anxiety normally getss them. the trick is to let them in and rumble around your head and dont be upset or bothered by them, dont give a thought the respect it doesnt deserve. do this and eventually down the line they will fade

  240. james Says:

    Hello Everyone, I haven’t been on here because I’ve been doing pretty good lately. It seems that when I do go out all my strange thoughts tend to dissapear until the nights over and I go back home. Today was an on and off day where the thoughts would creep back in and scare me, and then I just start thinking what if I’m training my mind to always think this way. Everytime I feel like I’m almost there I just get sucked right back in, and I know there’s no medicine out there to help me stop thinking the way I do. Just hope i can figure out how to get rid of these thoughts.

  241. Si Says:

    Try hard not to have to use the blog but I am a bit lost with these feelings. Can anyone at all relate to these, I’ll try and make them make sence.

    Does anyone get realy low feelings abount absolute nonsence every day things? For example I can be out walking my dog and feel reasonable, then all of a sudden get this deep low feeling of (can’t be bothered with life) Im not sure Im explaining it well enough, but it’s like my mood drops realy low for no apparent reason?

    Also I used to struggle with sleep, but now I do seem to sleep alot better apart from when I wake lets say 5am but i try to drop back off for a couple of hours. I can’t do it because it like I am not asleep nor totally awake but everything I am thinking in this semi sleep mode is giving me mini panic attacks. I get the most weard thoughts, not scary but just weird and then a gush of adrenalin fear. I stay with it though and don’t run from it like i used to, but it’s not getting better.

    Not realy looking for answers, more reasurance that someone else has had or got these feelings and it’s not just me.


  242. Rosemary Says:

    Just read your post and all I can say is YES YES YES. I can feel fine and then for no reason have a pang of fear and feel really low and numb (i feel like I cant cope,its all too difficult and uncomfortable). However they are no where near as bad as they used to be and I remind myself that it is a false signal of panic (I dont need to run and dont need to fight) it then seems to fade. As with early waking, this has also improved for me but yes in that half awake half asleep place I too feel feelings of dread and fear, I can now sometimes fall back off to sleep but I do find that when I wake and start my day my mind becomes involved with other things and those awful feelings float away. So Si I can totally relate to your feelings and as things stand at the moment I can say they WILL get better. Have a good day

  243. Si Says:


    Thank you so much, how many times have i refreshed this page since writing that comment just 20 mins ago…. I am shutting down my pc and getting on with my day now, feel a little releived, still a bit scared of it all but releived that it’s not just me

    Thank you so much for your promt reply

  244. KM Says:

    I could of written your post word for word, you describe to a T exactly how I feel, i can be feeling ok for a while then wham a wave of feeling low creeps up on me i just try to sit with it and tell myself that it will leave when i stop paying attention to it (easier said than done and i always worry if i’m begining to become depressed) but if i was going to get really depressed i would of by now and i’ve had these feelings before and they always pass. As with the sleep I get the weirdest things go through my head when im nodding off in that sleep/awake state, its almost like hallucinating thoughts, all sorts of strange images and my imagination going off, sometimes i find it quite distressing as when i open my eyes it goes, and i often have panic surges that follow as well. I’ve also been waking between 4-6am, and find it hard to get back to sleep. I’m trying not to worry about it and tell myself its my tired brain letting off excess adrenaline. But they are very upsetting its amazing we get any sleep at all, but i try to go with it and i seem to drift off. I do get bouts of insomina as well a couple of weeks ago i had only bout 2 hours sleep a night for about 8 nights, i was pretty down and over myself but i didn’t panic about it i trusted my body would crash when it needed and it did, and its been better since. I think its all part and parcel of an overactive nervous system, that will settle eventually.
    Keep in contact and enjoy your day :)

  245. KH Says:

    Thanks Marc! I know that intrusive thoughts are normal with anxiety but I am only looking for some re-assurance. I will continue to work hard and pay no attention to them

    James, I think you have made some good progress. I can see that you are really starting to have some good days, where you can do things without being reminded about anxiety. You don’t need anything to help you to get rid of the thoughts, what you need is for you to just live on. From what I see, your obsessive those thoughts are coming less and less frequent. That means that you are making improvements, so just continue on with this attitude. Eventually it will all go away 😀

  246. james Says:

    Hey Si,

    I also am having trouble falling asleep lately. The past like 2-3 weeks I usually wake up a few times throughout the night but like you said I’m not really awake and asleep kinda just their thinking.

    For me when this first happened it was horrible, non stop thinking it felt like I was going crazy. It’s gone down a bit but thoughts keep coming back from time to time once I feel like I’m back to normal. I’m alittle worried because I get real back headaches. I’m going to the doctors friday for a physical and blood tests just for a check up so I’ll see what they say.

  247. Ian Says:

    Just popped on and very glad to see this sympton of the weird sleeping/not sleeping/half awake thoughts anxiety thing mentioned. Had this a lot, very disturbing, nice to know others have this (well nice in one way, not nice for everyone who suffers with it). Anxiety.

  248. steveo Says:

    So my question is to those who have recovered from this; Paul, Scarlet etc is, are you the person you were before anxiety?

    Ie. Back to your normal self :-)

  249. Si Says:

    KM.. Thank you so much, it does help to know it’s not just me, although if truth be known I wished none of us had this. It started to get better a few week months ago but it seems to be creeping up on me again. I have 2 jobs, I work shifts and I do struggle the most on nights. Can now drop off ok when on days and afters and nights I can too but I am in that semi sleep come 9ish (just can’t sleep during the day) My second job means I am on call (Fire Fighter) when ever i am at home and so can and do get called out all hours of the day, but I try not to dwell on them issues too much. If I go back over 18 months ago I was getting only 2 hours a night if I was lucky and I was not at work and so on and so on. So when my mood elts me I feel I have come along way, but when I am down, gosh I am down and nothing tells me I am getting there.

    I printed off a comment that someone replied to me a few week ago which mentioned “By trying to avoid it or anticipating it in a negative way I feed it”. Now only today have a realy looked at that comment with more understanding, because I can so relate to ANTICIPATION!!! because I felt a certain way before, then I will always feel this way….. WELL IT’S TRUE but I was told to let the thoughts come, let them do what they want but carry on. I also realised I am running away from my feelings in order to get better, didn’t know I was doing it, but I am… I feel I have to be on the go all the time, because if I sit down whilst at home I get so anxious, yet if I am busy with something that total occupies me I feel ok. BUT you can’t keep doing things to oviod the feelings. I get it, but I also know it’s not gonna be easy to break these bad bad habbits.

    James – yeh I have bad headache too, but I have stopped worrying about them. If they are realy bothering me I find that CODIS or soluble paracetamol clears it up in no time.

    So all of you who can relate to my lil problem :) what do you find you do when you get that pang!! of I really can’t be bothered?? Me personally try so much to push past it and carry on regardless, but it does become so tiring and wished that I could just get a break from it – Im laughing at myself now (wow… that’s not happened for a while) I know there is no break from it – onwards and upwards

    thanks again for your comments Jame KM and Rosemary

  250. KH Says:

    Hi everyone,

    I get this symptom of strange thoughts when I am sleeping as well. It has been quite persistent, but I always manage to go to sleep after a while. I listen to music and use it to calm myself down when I sleep. But I am really relieved I am not the only one who is experiencing it.

  251. scarlet Says:

    Hi Steveo,

    “So my question is to those who have recovered from this; Paul, Scarlet etc is, are you the person you were before anxiety?

    Ie. Back to your normal self”

    yes fully, but with an in-depth knowledge and understanding of anxiety and depression, never again will I worry about an odd thought/feeling, or symptom of excess adrenalin…

  252. james Says:

    thanks scarlet, it’s nice to hear that!

    I just hate this feeling and would give anything to get back to how I use to be before this hit me.

  253. Steveo Says:

    good answer Scarlet :-)


  254. Amanda Says:

    hi everyone not posted on here for a while WAS doing ok but now im in a major setback been suffering really badly for the past two weeks my anxiety started last july with a bad panic attack, in september i totally broke down and went off sick from work finding pauls pauls book and site helped me and at the end of november went back to work even though i was still struggling at first i coped but over the last two weeks ive done nothing but cry i feel so weird and horrible again i dont feel panicky i feel like ive lost my mind its like a constant panic attack without the intensity of it i get the odd moment after i have broke down crying where i feel a bit of normality and then i go back to feeling really weird like i have lost my mind , i feel like a stranger in my own home i dont even get any relief at night time any more its just constant also a horrible numbness feeling , after suffering 24years of anxiety and suffering badly 5 times in those 24 years you would think i would be used to it but i am really struggling with the way i am feeling right now and debating wether i can cope with working the intrusive thoughts or agitation dont bother me i accept them its the feeling really strangeness i cant cope with is this just severe dp and dr ? i just feel like im back to square one but feels much worse sorry for the negative post just need advice .

  255. Michelle Z Says:

    Hi Amanda – What you’re feeling is all part of the recovery process. It stinks to be feeling so well and thinking that you’ve got it beat and then to have a setback, but hang in there! You can and will beat this. You have to do the same thing with this awful feeling as you do with the thoughts and everything else…accept it. Let it be there. Get on about your day. Focus outward. All the weirdness, numbness, crying – just be okay with it. It’s just anxiety. That’s all it is. You are okay. You will get through it. You are not back to square one. You said that you are coping with the intrusive thoughts and agitation. That’s awesome. So now you have this other odd feeling. Just let that be okay as well. Remember to allow all feelings & thoughts fall under the umbrella of anxiety. I know you can do this and that you will beat this!

  256. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Stevo says: “So my question is to those who have recovered from this; Paul, Scarlet etc is, are you the person you were before anxiety?

    Pretty much as Scarlet says, with such a deep knowledge that no symptom could concern me ever again. I would say in general I am a far better person, little things don’t bother me anymore and I wake and am just thankful not to dread the day in front of me and embrace and enjoy it. I am a much calmer and patient person also.

    I have an idea for the next blog post after the success stories, one that may help lose your desperation to be better, as this can hold you back. It’s something that really helped me, like a eureka moment after a bad spell.

  257. steveo Says:

    Good idea Paul. I have been reading the pointers in the April 2010 blog that are very helpful for this. I am obviously one of these who is desperate as I am asking such a question.

    It is reassuring to us all to know that you can feel back to how we were before it all started. We just need to not be so desperate to do this.

    Easier said than done though hey :-)

  258. Tracy Says:

    I have not posted before, but like to read everyones post. I have been doing really well, but last couple of days back to suffering the early morning panic and mini waves during the day. Seems like when you have been doing well and feeling like you old self these hit harder than before. I go back to the what have I done different. Question to anyone on the otherside, do I need to figure out the triggers or maybe the emotional issues I may have stuffed over the year? Or is this just another form of looking for answers to make it go away?. I have been in counseling over a year, did CBT, but really find this method one that makes the most sense to me. I am going about my day and trying to not react, but no matter how many times I confront the fear it still seemsjust as hard the next time. I know this will pass and I usually come out stronger, but it is exactly a year ago when this all started so bit uneasy right now! Thanks for this site!

  259. Amanda Says:

    Thanks for the advice michelle think i just needed reassuring its comforting to speak to people who know exactly how you are feeling .

  260. Claire Says:

    Hi everyone,

    i am finding thing really tough at the moment – i do have some days when i feel fine and i forget about it and am so grateful for these times but then out of the blue the next day i can feel dreadful – filled with adrenaline heart racing etc and i am finding it so hard to say ok to all of these feelings. How can you accept something so horrible? I get that fighting doesnt help but on the other hand its like saying ‘I’m in pain but i’m totally fine with it’. It goes against our natural instincts to be fine with all these horrid physical sensations! My main thing is i am a real worrier – i worry like i never thought it possible and i feel whilst i worry to this extent i will never lose the anxiety as it only takes a small worry to give me instant adrenaline and all of the horrid symptoms. Small worries turn into huge ones and i’m so stuck as to where to go from here. I am an intelligent normally common sense person and can see the sense in all of the things i read on here and can come out with sensible quote after quote to try and deal with it but am really lost. Please help as i am 6 months preg now and this is making life so hard.

    I just need some direction – feel like i have lost all faith and hope that this will ever go away.


  261. Sabs Says:

    Hi, I’ve never posted anything on this wall but I still want everyone to know that I have come out of anxiety fully, this is not attended to make people gloat or feel bad but to show everyone who ‘thinks’ they are suffering you CAN recover from this cycle of anxiety. I state think because all of it is in the mind yes you do have physical symptoms but they are just a side effect of your negative thinking, you have to change your attitude to POSITIVE. Every symptom, thought or feeling think positive and move forward eventually your life will come back. This is what I did and I am so glad for taking this step otherwise I would be in the horrible cycle of anxiety. Whoever has recovered from anxiety is a more courageous, brave, positive and strong individual, you can only respect yourself for it. Do everything Paul states in his book plus read a book by Dr Claire Weekes and you cant go wrong. Good Luck everyone, you only get one life, be brave and enjoy everything life has to offer.

  262. Tracy Says:


    I can totally relate to what you are saying as I am in the same place. I understand all the information and implement it the best I can on that particular day, but it does go again the instinct to fight. I want to be able to just accept, but it is as if my mind just isn’t believing it yet. I am a runner so one thing that does seem to help is I try to look at this journey the same as if I am training for a race. I am not going to get fit in one day it takes a lot of time and work to be ready for that race and there isn’t anyway I can get to that place any faster. Anxiety and the fears that come with it are not as nice to feel, but in time if we just keep practicing what Paul teaches us we will get to that finish line. Worry is just another habit that can be changed with time, ask yourself “What is the worst thing that could possibly happen and I think you will find it very calming. Also ask if you can even remember what you were worrying about this time last year and I bet you will find you can’t. It will get better and once that baby comes believe me you won’t have time to think about anxiety and you are feeling.

  263. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Tracey that’s a great post, I do like the training for a raceNo one can do a marathon without training and this is why it takes a little time to change habits and beliefs.

    The best advice I gave to mysef when I was falling back into fighting mode was ‘I would rather live in the anxiety bubble than spend all my day trying to get out of it’.

    This was not suppose to make me feel great, it was said out of frustration, but it had a massive effect on me and the way I approached my day and really helped me accept the way I felt and stopped the useless fighting that had me tiring my mind out and focusing on me all day. I think we can all relate to going round in circles getting nowhere.

    I just no longer wanted to care and that saying helped me adopt that attitude.

  264. Tracy Says:

    Thanks Paul, one thing I have been wondering about..I have met many people who have made it through with medication and some counseling..but many don’t. Any theories on this? This is still one of my battles, in the beginning I was against meds, still am, but I had not found this site yet so was looking for anything to make it go away after 7 months of no progress..I finally let others convience me to try the AD, it has provided some relief, but since I am still having many physical symptoms the Dr want to increase. I refuse to do this because if I can’t feel some symptoms how can I ever learn how to move through, plus I place a certain judgment on myself for being on them. I am now trying some homeopathy, but again as paul mentions I think It causes me to “look” or hope for a change so the self monitoring contiues and self doubt and confusion of “trying” another thing. I think this may just keep the cycle going as I put more pressure on mysel, yet still afraid to let it all go and just be okay with it. Any ideas or thoughts, maybe I just answered my own question.

  265. hawkeye Says:

    Hey Guys,
    Sorry this isn’t a reply or advice just wondering if anyone could helpout.
    Haven’t been on for ages and probably posting this in the wrong place. I have suffered from obsessive thinking and anxiety for a long time and have a feeling the below story is just another irrational fear.

    Anyway 2 years ago I went out and got really drunk and ended up kissing someone. This was when my boyfriend and I had just got back together and we were doing long distance. I told him and he had a few things to tell me so all good.

    Anyway i went home back to NZ over the holidays I am a teacher and I guess what had happened last time at home was on my mind. Anyway went out with the same girls they are all single. There were alot of guys around and some of my girlfriends hooked up (ha ha in our 30’s). I was flirting but i am a friendly flirt not a suggestive flirt although this I guess can be taken the wrong way. I do like the attention who doesn’t but I don’t often flirt probably cause I was out with my single friends. They all knew what happened last time too.

    Anyway the next day I woke up thinking oh my god did I kiss someone. I remember talking to this guy at the end of the night and I said I am engaged he got angry and walked off. I then thought’ why did he get angry did I kiss him. he had been around off and on all night god i don’t even remember what he looked like we were talking to lots of people. I also remember one of my friends coming up and saying something in my ear regards to what happened last time. I think she was watching out for me but I remember thinking at the time ‘oh lou thinks I am going to kiss someone and kind of laughing at it as I knew I would not have. But now I am questioning that so much I am wondering whether I made it up. However when I got back home to my girlfriends eayly hours of the morning. I remember making my bed on the couch and telling her that Lou must have thought I was going to do what I did last time we giggled and I went to bed.

    I keep asking my best friend about the night and she said I was fine and just been my normal friendly self. She said she wasn’t even concerned about me and I was flashing my engagement ring every five mins. However she left about an hour before me. The more I think about it the worse it gets and all these images are coming into my mind. I had had alot to drink and the night is abit blurry in parts. I guess deep down I know my OCD is having a field day but sometimes my mind tricks me into believing.

    I don’t want to tell my financee as I really have nothing to confess too.

    Sorry this is so long any advice would be helpful.

  266. hawkeye Says:

    Feel bad about writing such a random post guess anxiety makes us do random things ha ha

  267. Hanna Says:

    I just wanted sincerely thank you, Paul for putting up your site. I know most of your bloggers have been sufferers for a long time. I, however, only experienced my first anxiety attack about a month ago. I can honestly say I experienced pretty much every symptom within the past month and I never even thought a human body could feel that way. I was blessed enough to have come across your website early on and I feel that if your website wasn’t there, I would still be struggling a great deal with the trauma and fear of the initial attack. I feel like the information helped me from getting caught in the worry cycle. Everything written is truly spot-on to how I was feeling and it feels great knowing this is all coming from someone who went through it themselves. Having an explanation to what I was feeling and why gave me so much peace of mind. Each day, for me, is so much brighter than the last. So thank you so much for pointing me in the right direction at an early stage and helping me avoid a lot of unnecessary suffering. God Bless! :)

  268. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Hannah without doubt the earlier you receive the right information the better, habits and memory have not formed early on.

    So glad the site has helped you.


  269. candie Says:

    hawkeye its anxiety, ive done the same thing- wondered allsorts i could of done when im drunk. No one can prove they havnt done something bad, they only know what they remember. If your friends remember too its the truth, you havnt done anything. If the question pops up again say nope not going there and focus on what you are doing. dont get mad at anxiety for making you worry, allow it but dont ponder over it. Mines gone now, yours will too with a bit of fine tuning as Scarlet calls it.

  270. Ross Says:

    Hey sorry I haven’t got back to you. Ye ive been doing really well lately still have scary moments/feeling really weird but I’m just letting it happen . Last month I had my setback I really struggled at work but now I go with the attitude of ‘think whatever, feel whatever, be whatever’ so when you have the attitude you are back in control, also wen you feel anxiety ‘come on’ don’t be scared and squirm, look at it like a chance to get close to recovery , every time your ok with a weird sensations/panicky feeling just think once i Let this be and let it pass I will be one more step to recovery!! :)

    Any help u need km I’ll help,
    I’m not feeling perfect but I’m finally giving myself a rest and see in the benefits, as Paul says uncover the bogeyman it’s not that scary as nothing happens also. Aim for progress not recovery

    Hope this helps

  271. Ross Says:

    Also km, I’ve realized worrying and caring about how u feel really isn’t watt ur body needs , it’s needs to be left alone and the only way to do this is to just be ok with waterer u feel

  272. KM Says:

    Hi Ross,
    Thanks for getting back to me! I too feel somewhat of an improvement even if its just small, my sleeping is back to normal and so is my appetite, although i still have a fair bit of nausea. I’m working on accepting progress as being good enough too and not expecting to be recovered in a day. But the up and downs of it is horrible, you can be feeling good one day then foul the next. I think continuing to get on with my day has been my motto and the morning dread has eased a bit too. I’m definatly not as bad as what i was 6 weeks ago but still no where near feeling like i have control back. Glad to hear your doing so well as your first post in this thread was very desperate and you’ve been able to turn your attitude right around and your seeing the benefits.
    take care

  273. Hawkeye Says:

    Thanks it true the more we question the more we doubt. I can here my quiet gut feeling that knows I didn’t do anything. But then the questioning starts again. Like yes but your friends left before you.
    Mainly because I thought my other friend was there and when I realized she wasn’t I left. She had been talking to some guy. Guess I just need to trust my gut. I know I am making a mountain out of a mole hole. Just hate feeling guilty for something I didn’t do. Think it’s my anxiety trying to get me another wAy as I no longer had relationship anxiety. Everytime I stArt to feel better it s like my mind says no you can’t feel good you have this thing to think about. X x

  274. Mark R Says:


    Not posted in a while, just thought Id give myself a little break.

    Anyway, I had a rotten christmas with things, I had some work related stress and then caught a chest infection. This in turn had a negative effect on how I felt emotionally and seemed to aggrevate my anxiety symtoms. I felt better in January, looking back it was a pretty good month for me. I concentrated on getting my business up and running and had pushed the anxiety to the back of my mind. I seemed to have taken a bit of a downturn the last couple of days where my symptoms are back and my mind is occupied with me rather than outwardly.

    Does anyone else notice their symptoms are more fierce with a physical illness?

  275. james Says:

    Hey guys! so I’ve been doing allot better lately and it feels like I’m getting there. I still have some moments where disturbing moments pop up but I try and just ignore them. The only thing that bothers me is that I’m afraid I’m programming my mind to think this way even if I feel my anxiety is gone. For the people that fully recovered do you still have thoughts pop up if you see something that reminds you of when you had anxiety?


  276. KH Says:

    Hi everyone,

    I have recovered a lot and my odd and obsessive thoughts are mostly gone. However, now I am struck with another symptom. Ever since my obsessive thoughts are gone, somehow I am feeling empty and I am unable to concentrate on doing anything. It seems that sometimes I cannot remember things properly and as a result, I am getting this worrying thought that my health will get worse. This has caused me to become very self-aware, where I constantly check on myself if I am doing fine or not. This is very tiring, and although I am trying to accept it, I don’t seem to be making much progress. Has anyone experienced this before? Can anyone give any advice on this? Hope that someone can guide me on how should I approach this symptom.

  277. james Says:


    I was wondering Paul or anyone else if you can share your success stories of overcoming obsessive/disturbing thoughts. For the most part it has gone away for me, but it still comes up sometimes and I don’t know why.

    Thanks again!

  278. Mike F. Says:

    The thing that is most frustrating for me is that I can’t stop thinking, thinking, thinking. Not just anxious thoughts, but a kind of forced, obsessive thinking in general. It gives me no rest. Is this a common problem?

  279. james Says:

    Hey Mike….that was my problem as well. Early on for me it was constant and I had horrible headaches all the time. It’s calmed down allot but I still get that non stop thinking from time to time when I’m sitting around not doing much.

  280. Sue C Says:

    Anyone help?

    I’ve written a couple of posts since reading Paul’s amazing book. I’m just worried I’ve been too ill for too long to be helped. I’m completely housebound with agoraphobia and have been ill with panic attacks / severe anxiety / dp for nearly 30 years (am now 42). Since my hysterectomy 2 years ago the levels have shot through the roof – had a breakdown and am now scraed to leave my house. Although I have always been agoraphobic I could at least take my son to school now I struggle to hang out the washing. Am I beyond hope? xx

  281. Helen Says:

    Hi Sue,
    You are never beyond hope. You have to keep working hard, especially when anxiety is as deep rooted as yours is. You have to do what you fear most in the world and that, for you, is leaving the house. Take small steps, when you are hanging your washing out and the fear grips hold of you, do the opposite of what you want to do, which is run back into the house, to your perceived place of safety. Stay where you are and feel the fear, allow it. You will feel terrible but nothing bad will happen to you, you are not in danger. Stay there for a few minutes, let this be your goal and when you can manage a few minutes make your next goal to stay there longer. Give yourself small goals and work hard to achieve them and know that you can recover, it doesn’t matter how long you have suffered but it will take longer as you have a lifetime of habits that you need to work on.
    Have faith in yourself Sue, you are definately not beyond hope and you are not in any danger.

    All the best

  282. Sue C Says:

    Hi Helen,
    Thank you so much for your reply. I do worry so much for my son – he is autistic and needs me to be well. My husband is amazing but I feel so much guilt that he has to do so much. I feel like I have lost myself. I haven’t been to a shop for over two years now and all I do is play on-line scrabble all day to keep my mind off of how I feel. I know I must face the panic and go through it but find the adrenaline so searing that I always run. After reading Paul’s book, I tried staying with it but after half an hour at my mum’s with it searing through me and not abating, I went home again. I wish it would go down quicker and not keep peaking. How do I do this?
    Bless you,
    Sue x

  283. natalie Says:

    hello candie it is lovely to see you are doing so very well and are through the final stage, i remember wheni first found this site you were so helpfful with your comments and experience hun xxx just jumped on quickly to say things have improved and that a lot of it has to do with going with it !! accepting you cannot change the past or prodict the future and most importantly the thing that has helped me most is when i read .. i did not ask for anxiety .. as i kept feeling guilt that i was like i was that i was not the person i was.. felt for my family and close friends.. but that statement made me realise i did not have to feel bad .. i did not ask to get this or mean to make it worse but now i was here i could forgive myself as being human and get on with it the best i can.. this has helped me lots, i have started at the gym and rest when i need to… keep going people .. its alittle like climbing a mountain.. the journey can be long and sometimes tuff but you will reach the summit and the journey will be sooo worth while and make you a much stronger and better person !!!!! xx

  284. Helen Says:

    Hi Sue,
    It is very hard, when anxiety is so strong, to let the physical feelings and thoughts be there but this is what you MUST do. When you are out of the house your focus is on you and only you, how you feel, when will it pass, why am i feeling like this and so and so on. When you are at your Mum’s and you feel it pumping through you, don’t wait for it to go away. Stick with it, make yourself stay in a conversation, tell your Mum that you are feeling terrible but you aren’t going to run away from it. You have to allow yourself to build up the knowledge, physically and mentally, that you aren’t in any danger. You have had this for so long that you are trained to believe that the only place that you are safe,is at home. This is because you feel you are in control there and you need to re-train your mind and body into to knowing that you are not in any danger when you leave the house. The ONLY way for you to do this is do the thing that frightens you most. You have to allow these feelings and thoughts to come to you so that you can learn that you aren’t in danger, that you can leave the house and begin to recover.
    You absolutely can do this but it will take a lot of hard work and you will be pushed to your limit at times. Stick with it Sue, keep on trying and please know that you can recover.

    All the best

  285. KM Says:

    Hi Sue,
    After i had my daughter i became house bound and didn’t go anywhere unless i had someone with me, i was like this for several months and slowly as Helen suggested made myself confront the feelings. It took time and courage i never knew i had. But my fear of staying like that forever was worse than my fear of the feelings of panic. I comiited to myself to do at least one thing per day to challenge myself, i eventually recovered and got my full life back, but am now in the process of a set back, but i’ve never let my original fears returen, thats not to say new ones haven’t replaced them, they have but again i’m working on it everyday, working on being closer to life than anxiety, this is a tough road, but i know i’ve conqured it before I can do it again, and i’m seeing small progresses and for now thats enough. I get impatient, down, irritable, overwhelmed and loose my confidence every day, but i know this is all part of the process. To have to go through this again when i’d thought i was recovered was a massive shock, but clearly my life and physical stress built up to a similar level and my old habits crept back in. Whenever i hear myself saying ‘i can’t’ I make sure i can, take it slowly, and follow Helens advice, I did this with instinct, and no advice many years ago and i won, anxiety didn’t. Good luck and post on here for support.

  286. hawkeye Says:

    Candie did you feel like that if you let go of the anxiety around
    ‘you may have done something when you were drunk’. That your mind would remember something you don’t want to. I know this is what is scaring me and in my moments of peace I know it is so silly and my mind doesn’t even think about it. But it still scares me. I just need to trust my gut feeling. That knows nothing happened its just getting squahed by my loud chatter xx

  287. yolande Says:

    HI all

    reading thru the posts i came across Helen’s reply to Rosemary re the normal ups and downs of life ie feeling low. i struggled with this a lot. lately i am managing better but still never easy when you feel a-ok and then wham your spirits just plummet. i am not sure if i can say i am fully recovered as sometimes i still feel fearful – on and off.

    but i know i have come a long way since when i first had anxiety. also i know this might be funny, but i always feel worse ie low on sundays – maybe sunday blues??? who knows.

    so anyway just want to share this and it’s a comfort to konw that i am not the only one feeling the ups and downs and the fact that your spirits can just change so suddenly.

    cheers to all.

  288. Matt K Says:

    Just a quick question for the Helen, Scarlet or Paul:

    Have you ever experienced sweating on your forehead when you do social things, such as dinner or barbershop? What should I do about this. I’m not worried something is wrong physically, I just need to know how to approach this. Thanks.

  289. james Says:

    Hello Everyone,

    Just a question if anyone can answer that would be great. It seems like getting hit with this anxiety my mind just picks up strange thoughts and habbits. I really don’t know how to explain it but I’m afraid this is gonna be the rest of my life.

  290. evelyn Says:

    hello paul,
    just want to say this blog is amazing!!! one can go in their own little world thinking they are alone in this.. im soo happy in a weird way to see im not alone.. i have suffered from anxiety for 10 years. i was able to live a normal life with the physical symptoms quite well until 6 months ago, i have had chronic depersonalization.. its the worst thing one can go through, sometimes i dont even know who i am;( or everythings a dream, well to make a long story short sometimes i must admit are better than others and im grreatful for that, i dont stop going anywhere or doing anything, i try to live my life normal.. but im starting to have memories replay in my mind, not necessarly bad ones, just things that happened in my past like when i was in a mall, or when i went to a concert, i feel like i cant control them, they just pop up, thanks for listening, i wish you all the best,, thanks paul ur awesome, ill wait for ur reply

  291. evelyn Says:

    also, i have read alot on anxiety and depersonalization for the past 6 months just to educate myself and ive read that people can have it for 40 years or , in which some say its a stand alone condition, i try not to let it freak me out, do u have any advice for that? thanks paul

  292. Rosemary Says:

    Hi All

    Yolande, I have moved on loads since first being held by anxiety but still on the up and down thing, although the down doesnt seem quite so severe as it used to, its loosing its power so although some days are really good others can be challenging but again never as bad as they were.So from this I take the positive and know I am moving forward all the time.

    HELEN: So I KNOW things are getting better but still have this morning fearfulness, cant explain why but I wake feeling anxious. I know as the day goes by that this will lessen but for some reason my mind doesnt remember that and it feels so uncomfortable to feel nausea and fear. Why cant my mind just say “I know I feel rubbish but I always feel better so I will just let this horrible fear thing go now and save the pain and heartache of the day”
    I guess its a habit to, but its just so yucky…..any advice please …..
    Thanks in anticipation

    SUE C…I have read your post and I would like to say something that Paul said “anxiety is sending you a false signal, either run with fear or stay and fight the danger…but there is no danger just false signals from years of worry. There is no danger,no need to run, you dont have to fight just remind yourself of this when that awful surge hits your body. Good Luck x

  293. James Says:

    Hey guys…so has anyone taken xanax and experienced any side effects from it?


  294. Sue C Says:

    Thank you so much Helen, KM and Yolande
    You are all very kind. Feel like after 30 years of suffering its got to the point where it is all I think about and feel all day. Before there used to be windows of normality but for the last two years have been virtually none. The agoraphobia part is such a cruel addition to anxiety as there are no outlets and diversions sitting indoors everyday. I just NEED to know that I can get me back and your words are reassuring as I believe I am just too far gone and entrenched in it now.
    Sue x

  295. Clara Says:

    Hi Helen, Scarlet, Paul

    when in conversation i feel i am directed or rather distracted by my emotions and follow them rather than the topic the sense i feel more inclined to view everything on an emotional level which i feel isnt the right way…and that makes me get hurt over things which i end up taking personally..but this is happening on a subconscious level…only lately did i realise why i get emotional over silly things…

    basically it all ends at…’how i feel’ at all times and to ensure that nothing hurts me..!

    But each time when i feel my emotional clock is ticking i remind myself hey dont get emotional rather focus on whats being told i can switch off the unnecessary emotional baggage deliberately..

    i wanted to know if this is the right thing to do or what else can i do to engage in conversations without taking anything on a personal level but being aware that i have control over my emotions , knowing who ‘i’ am and then just listen without getting carried away…

    Hope to hear from u

  296. Amy Says:

    Hey everyone.

    This is my first post however I have bought Paul’s book and have been following the blog and all advice contained within it for the past few months. (Anxiety arrived into my life 6 month ago)

    I have been slowly progressing and if I look back to the early days I have come so far. It actually scares me to think how I was at the start. I’ve basically just tried to get on with my life ‘like I don’t have anxiety’ (as best I can! it’s so hard sometimes)

    I am in the middle of a blip at the moment and physical symptoms have got really bad again (head pains/chest pain mainly) and instead of my usual not paying them attention and trying to get on with my day with them there it’s like they have consumed me again and made me doubt everything once again…(thoughts of..could it be something more serious? etc).

    I thought I had accepted anxiety and was starting to move forward but it all seems to have gone wrong and I’m worried that I’m either back to square one or never moved into the accepting phase it in the first place otherwise I wouldn’t let them bother me now.

    I’m hoping this is just a blip but if any one has any similar experiences/ tips on how not to drown when deliberating physical symptoms come along they would be greatly received.

    Thanks for reading.

  297. Kat Says:

    Hi Helen,

    Boy, you’re certainly popular around here! Lol.

    I just have a question about reality vs. anxiety-induced fiction when you have a moment to respond. You know my predicament by now, and I am really doing my best to come to terms with everything going on in my body/mind but feel like I’m making no progress. I am still having the disturbing thoughts about my partner, which seem to intensify when I’m not at work and am home, though I have had some moments when I’ve felt somewhat content (admittedly, these moments have been very infrequent). My question is about how to know if what I’m feeling is real or fiction.

    I have been ‘what if-ing’ for about four months now, feeling flustered about my lack of connection with my partner, but calming myself with the information that you have given, as well as those other considerate individuals. I am becoming slightly beaten down because I am still unable to feel those loving emotions that I used to feel so easily, and I am doing the second-guessing thing where I have started to think ‘It’ll never be the way it was, it’s done and this is the new reality’. Then, I start to think about how everything stopped in one instant, and how this can’t possibly be, because the real end of love would surely come over a prolonged time period, and I wouldn’t have been so upset by it. I find myself extremely irritable, to the point that things he does that used to amuse me now annoy me, and I am less and less able to hide what I’m feeling. I am not just worried about myself never being able to recover my feelings, but am also concerned that he’ll get tired of what he may perceive as disrespect and indifference and decide I’m not worth the effort. Above all, he is highly deserving of love and respect because he tries so hard to make me happy, which is proving to be a very difficult task.

    You’ve been very kind in offering me advice before, so I thought I’d ask for some again as I feel as though I’ve had a dark cloud over me since last October. I keep trying but seem to be stuck in a holding pattern, and I can’t figure out if there is any progress or if things are actually getting worse. It’s very hard to gauge from in here! I just want things to return to normal and I am finding that I’m losing faith in myself because a little part of me thinks that what I’m feeling is real. If you have any advice, I’d love it.

    Take care,


  298. Andy Lee Says:

    Hello Paul. My name is Andy and I just wanted to comment on your blog and tell you how much you have helped me. I’m 18 and have suffered with Anxiety for about 2 years. Intrusive/ Scary thoughts and constant worrying about worrying about it and being afraid I won’t recover. I know you are super busy but I would really appreciate it if you could help me out some more. I am so afraid of feeling like this the rest of my life and having scary thoughts that I can’t break the cycle. I worry about not being able to stop worrying about it. I know it sounds silly and I recognize that but it still continues to scare me and that is why I can’t break the cycle. How do I stop fearing and worrying about it, I try to accept it but I just get sick with worry it consumes me. Ive spent countless hours on the computer searching for anything to help me beat this. I finally had some relief when I stumbled on your site. It makes so much sense. Seeing someone else going through the same thing I am and overcoming it is the most relieving feeling. I don’t feel alone anymore. Is the only way to get rid of Scary thoughts is to stop fearing them? it seems no matter what I tell myself the thoughts still scare me.

  299. ClaireSB Says:

    Hi Amy

    Believe me its just a blip. I have been suffering on and off for years now.

    In the last 6 or 7 months i have definately been so much better just going about doing what i want when i want and have been feeling 100 times better, however i do have the odd day when it all comes flooding back and its like why am i letting this bother me today im fine now, but its just your mind playing tricks on you, almost ike testing you out for a reaction, thats how im seeing it however dramatic a thing crops into your mind or you headache is you just have to get on with it.

    Like today for example, I come to work having had a great birthday weekend and im bloody exhausted, and i feel a bit run down, I feel like i could fall asleep at my desk. I keep thinking why am i feeling like this there is no reason for it, but i know deep down that its just because i have been sooo busy over the last two weeks and i just need to give my body some time to catch up.

    take care and trust that it its just a little blip

  300. Hawkeye Says:

    Candie or anyone in regards to my last post .did you feel like that if you let go of the anxiety around
    ‘you may have done something when you were drunk’. That your mind would remember something you don’t want to. I know this is what is scaring me and in my moments of peace I know it is so silly and my mind doesn’t even think about it. But it still scares me. I just need to trust my gut feeling. That knows nothing happened its just getting squashed by my loud chatter

    Also did you imagine scenes in your head that you start to think they are real even if you don’t think they are true. If that makes sense. thanks so much candie for your last reply x

  301. Helen Says:

    Hi Kat,
    It is very clear from your post above how desperate you are not to feel the way you do and because of this you are still looking for answers. You are trying to work out, could this be real? is it really anxiety? The minute you start to do this you put yourself right back in the vicious circle. I know because I did this, I spent well over a year trying to work why it would be that I didn’t love him anymore, why it would be that I didn’t want to be with him when I was sure that I loved him so much? Then it was ‘maybe I don’t love him really?’ and then I would think ‘ why don’t I love him, has this all been a trick, has any of this ever been real?’ and so on and so on. This is how you get stuck Kat. You can’t answer questions that anxiety throws at you, there are never any answers just more questions!!
    Your annoyance towards him isn’t really real, it is anxiety making you tense, you can’t relax and laugh at the things you used to and this in turn is upsetting and sets off more of those questions. Also, if you didn’t have anxiety you wouldn’t think twice about the fact that he is annoying you, we all annoy each other sometimes.
    You have to start accepting that this is anxiety, just try it, you have nothing to lose, only things to gain. You are still questioning if this is anxiety or not and I completely understand why you are doing this, you want to know that the feelings that you are having aren’t real and that you do love him after all. And why do you think that you are so desperate for this to end, for this not to be real? Because you love him.
    Kat, I have asked all the same questions that you are now and I was very sure, in my darkest moments, that it was the end for us. It was very real but something was stopping me like it is for you. It is because, deep down, the truth is there but you are blinded by anxiety and all those damn questions!!
    Accept that this is anxiety, DO NOT try and work out any answers to the awful thoughts and feelings, let them be there. It will go but you need to accept and be patient.

    All the best

  302. Si Says:


    You said…..

    “HELEN: So I KNOW things are getting better but still have this morning fearfulness, cant explain why but I wake feeling anxious. I know as the day goes by that this will lessen but for some reason my mind doesnt remember that and it feels so uncomfortable to feel nausea and fear. Why cant my mind just say “I know I feel rubbish but I always feel better so I will just let this horrible fear thing go now and save the pain and heartache of the day”
    I guess its a habit to, but its just so yucky…..any advice please …..
    Thanks in anticipation”

    Im no expert, but I did get some advice from someone and I oppolgise because I forget who it was… but you’ve hit your own nail on the head with that very last comment “THANKS IN ANTICIPATION” your anticipating, not feeling good in the morning. Yep it’s hard because I also used to feel the same in the morning, but now I don’t however I do have other ANTICIPATIONS I a dealing with, like I don’t like Sundays because they are too quite, everything’s too sleepy for me and I feel bored. SO I am anticipating them always being like this. Well I am now trying to antisipate them being what ever they will be… Give it a try.

    Like I said I am no expert and still in the recovery road, but I do find If I push past all my negative thoughts, feelings and giving up’s I get through and feel better for doing it

    Hope I make sence and it helps


  303. natalie Says:

    hi guys i really hope you don’t mind but need to let off some steam and feel this is the only place i could without being judged, what i have to say i know s stupid and selfish and even childish but it has been messing with my head for a couple of days now and making me feel ill i guess i looking for someone to hear me and maybe offer some assurance .. i know its anxiety i know if i just leave it it will get better but at the moment i feel stuck. well here goes .. i am a mum and have to collect my children every afternoon, just lately a very close or at least i thought close friend has started to get friendly with another mum as they go pole dancing anyways long story short this other mum is making it very uncomfortable for me to go and chat to my friend as she blanks me and takes over the coonversation its like i not even there .. she even pulls a face when she sees me walking up to talk to my friend.. have attempted to be friendly but she not having none of it, cannot tell my friend as i think this will make her uncomfortable and we have had a few upsets in the last year because of my angst and i know she reallly cannot understand what i am experiencing. my husband tells me to stop being silly and just leave it be talk to other mums and i know thats the best advise but it still upsets me cos i feel i am losing people because of how i am.. and i know this is so pathetic to even be letting this upset me as its like something out of school. sorry but just had to tell someone .. i just wish i could switch it off and get on with it.. i have my children and husband and other friends its just this person makes me feel so rubbish and then my mind starts to pull me down saying i am this and that.. don’t mean to bring negativity to this website as i know thats is the wrong attitude but i hope i will be able to post more positively soon.. thankyou so much just for listening xx hopefully my self pity will improve lol x

  304. Helen Says:

    Hi Rosemary,
    Just spotted your post off the back of Si’s answer and he is spot on. You have probably felt at your worst in the mornings so you tune in to this and as Si says, anticipate how you are going to feel. It’s checking in with how you feel ‘do i feel bad this morning? Yes, I do’ then ‘oh god, this is never going to go away, why isn’t it?’ and so on. You feel better throughout the day as you do everyday things that distract your mind. This is another part of your recovery and you must accept it as this. You, at present, suffer more in the mornings. Accept it, it will go, I promise. It isn’t anything to be concerned about at all.
    Like you said in your post, you KNOW things are getting better and that is all you need to know, nothing else really matters.

    All the best

  305. Joe Says:

    Hi everyone.

    I have been browsing the blog for a few days now after typing in “thought anxiety” into Google.

    Like some others on here I suffered from a compulsive disorder for which I have really been through the therapy mill for the past few years. Luckily I have found an existential therapist in the past year who has really helped me a great deal to accept myself and live in the here and now.
    This combined with mindfullness has also helped me improve a lot.

    However as I have begun to alleviate the CD I seem to have developed thought anxiety which spikes at any given moment about seemingly crazy things. I never used to be like this before the CD and I used be an extremely confident, outgoing and carefree individual. Its almost like a “hypersensitivity” to thoughts and prevents me from doing things and going to places in case I lose it.

    Sometimes I just feel the fear and go for it which is enormously empowering but then I slip back into the old avoidance patterns again.

    I am really glad I have found this site and I am looking forward to receiving the book and starting to confront this

  306. James Says:

    Hello all,

    Just a question for everyone that has overcome anxiety and all it’s problems, but how did you know it was over. For me I feel like I’m almost there but my big problem is when I feel like I’m over it my mind brings back the memories of me first getting it and what I went through and it brings me back down a bit. Will this ever stop or is it one of those things that I’m gonna have to live with?


  307. Matt K Says:

    Just a quick question for the Helen, Scarlet or Paul:

    Have you ever experienced sweating on your forehead when you do social things, such as dinner or barbershop? What should I do about this. I’m not worried something is wrong physically, I just need to know how to approach this. Thanks.

  308. Stan Says:

    Hi guys,

    I have been dealing with anxiety myself for a very long time, I try to get myself back into a healthy lifestyle, by exersizing, eating well and getting enough rest.

    The problem for me is that I usually feel almost anxiety free or at least in a more confident mood when I am not at work, as soon as I go to work I deal with the constant presence of anxiety. It is hard for me as I live alone and I am young but have been working for 9 years now fulltime.

    Work has become a chore and sometimes as soon as I leave the building all my anxiety goes away, however sometimes I can’t even spend a whole day at work.

    I know that thinking about the subject keeps it alive, i try my best to move on and enjoy my life when i am not anxious, meaning do things as i would usually, it is work that I find difficult, everything else seems to be okay.

    Here is my dilemma, would it be avoidance or self “care” if i were to take a break from work and work from home for a while to get back into what it feels like to have a good mood and to not be pre-occupied with anxiety, I feel like that’s what I need to snap out of the cycle, I need to allow myself some rest and some love. I am pretty sure I can go to work tomorrow if I wanted to, but I am just so burnt out from it and from dealing with anxiety, most of the times I feel like im struggling to survive rather than live life.

    Can’t it be a bit counter-productive to constantly push yourself to do something, I know I get better when I am given a clear choice and my own time to do it, then I gradually become better at doing whatever it is I was afraid of, but with work it feels almost pushed or forced upon me. If i tell myself I am avoiding it then it feels like I’m pushing myself too hard and not giving myself the necessary break and if I tell myself I need a break to cool down and just create a break in my anxiety then I feel like I am avoiding the situation and I know I don’t want to do that.

    So when does “taking a break from it all” become “avoidance” and when is it necessary to actually take a break from it all.

    hope that made some sense,

  309. Ezra Says:

    Hi All,

    Natalie, I too am a mum and we all know how ‘clicky’ mum groups can be. When I was at my worst I would think some particular mums were giving me funny looks, like I was invisable, like I didnt count. It is purely your anxiety pulling you down and striping your confidence away – I promise you.
    Accept that its just that, smile, pick your child up, try and interact and have a laugh (even if you still feel these feelings) once your anxiety loses its grip your confidence will come back ten fold and you’ll of made more friends, not lost existing one’s.
    Paul/Helen, I have yet to come on here and see much information about OCD ?
    I have silly guilt thoughts that only get released when I tell my husband…….should I not do that in future or am I just feeding my OCD if I do ? I am just a bit confused about it and wonder if I could get a bit of advice myself ?

    Thanks and remember we are all doing fantastic – keep strong :-)

  310. Rosemary Says:

    Helen, thanks again foryour help.

    Si, wow how accurate you are, I didnt think of it that way but you are right. When I go to bed at night my mind says “how will I feel in the morning?”Even when you talk about Sundays, I have also experienced that. I used to struggle being with all the family at weekends and then came to be fearful of them but only because I anticipated how the next one would go. I am starting to look forward to weekends now as I have experienced good ones recently. Thanks Helen and Si xxx

  311. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Evra it is not a site that deals with O.C.D and the reason there is little info on here. O.C.D forums/sites tend to just deal on this particular subject, it is really a subject on it’s own and is rarely found in anxiety/panic self help books. And even though it is part of the anxiety disorder and I have some knowledge on the subject it is not something I ever suffered from myself and therefore something that I did not study too deeply.

    I also feel the only people that can truly help on a subject are those that have been through and come out the other side. There are far too many people straight out of medical school been thrown into something they don’t understand. The first lady who I ever saw on the NHS read from a book in front of me, it was embarrasing and I stormed out in the end. If I asked her a question she went and looked through the index page!. She was around 19 and had no clue, not her fault and things may have improved now, but 20 years ago trying to get help with any anxiety condition was a joke and the reason so many so called therapists in the phone book made a fortune from desperate people.

    By the way Ezra that’s great advice to Natalie.

  312. KH Says:

    Hi everyone,

    After some long journey of living with anxiety, I can safely say that my disturbing thoughts have diminished very much. I no longer have that constant worrying thoughts in my head and I felt so much more relieved now.

    However, now another symptom has surfaced which has got my attention. Recently I found that I am unable to think clearly. It does not happen when I am at work, but it is especially strong when I am doing nothing. It is like I cannot think about anything and my mind is very much blank. As a result, I cannot really feel much emotion, as I feel drifted off most of the time. Does anyone have any advice on this?

  313. Ezra Says:

    Thanks Paul, I feel like I have come so so far and just this stupid remnant symptom is there ! My ‘guilt’ confessions are laughable really and, after worrying about them all day, once I say it we usually do laugh at them and the adrenaline goes away instantly but I am aware that I am probably not helping long term and purely ‘feeding’ the problem.
    So, I am going to try your method when the next one pops up, I’m going to smile at it, and even if it makes me feel uncomfortable I am NOT going to fess up! I’m in control so I’ll go for a run and it can come with me if it wants !!

    Thanks for the reply Paul :-)

  314. SarahS Says:

    Hi Nathalie

    I wanted to reply to you because I think you and I have gone through pretty similar things and your last post is something that I’ve gone through too and come out the other side. I sobbed a few months ago over one of my friends (also another mom at the school) and my husband too said stop being silly, take no notice, talk to someone else, be normal and friendly and let them get on with it and he was EXACTLY right. You sound like me, sensitive (not a criticism) and that’s why you let things like this effect you. Remember recovering from anxiety is going against the grain, doing the opposite of what anxiety wants you to do in situations. In this situation I wanted to be childish, to cry, to say stop being so mean you lot, be nice to me, I’m a nice person. But hey, you, like me have your husband, children, other friends, family, work colleagues, people who care so is a mom who is being silly to you really going to bother you. Nah! Be normal, polite, pleasant and most of all let them get on with it!!! You might feel hurt, frustrated, angry, annoyed but again say hey, not to worry, I’ll get over it, that’s just silly behaviour. Never mind and carry on being you. I have found some mom’s at school to be worse than their children on the playground, alot of them wanting to be the most popular, in competition for all sorts of daft things, who invites their kids friends round the most, who sees another popular mom the most, it’s ridiculous and their friendships are often very false (not everyone) so leave them to it is the best bit of advice I can give you and go back to you, your home, your family, your boys and your friends.

    I can tell by your recent posts by the way how much better you are doing and wanted to tell you this.

    Well done Nathalie.


    Sarah xxx

  315. SarahS Says:

    Sorry Natalie I spelt your name wrong! I’m getting very close to being 40 you know! ha ha ha

  316. SarahS Says:

    Hi Sue C

    Your post is very well explained. I wanted to give you reassurance when you say you are beyond hope as this is not at all true. I myself had suffered with anxiety for most of my life and from the age of about 26 (I am nearly 40) from severe anxiety. To cut a very long story short I couldn’t go anywhere alone, my mom would sleep with me every night (I was married at the time but mom was going through it too and I felt she understood more) I couldn’t sleep, eat, work, watch tv, in fact couldn’t function. My mom too had sever anxiety for many many years. Now I’m not saying it has been easy and for me I have to admit that it took me a good while to get to grips with things, learning to accept and be with my raging anxiety, to accept I wasn’t sleeping, to try to change my many learned unhelpful habits and behaviours but bit by bit I have improved greatly. I have to say though that for me and this doesn’t mean for you that when people said to me don’t expect instant results that was rather an understatement but having suffered for so many years, to be expected to be honest. Having educated myself from this blog, it took me a good while before I felt any improvements and I think this is something to be remembered. You can practice acceptance, letting those thoughts and feelings all happen but remember even if you don’t feel any better all of the good work is going on in the background for the future!!! This is something to be remembered when feeling so terrible at the start. In the future, by changing things BIT BY TINY BIT you WILL start to reap the benefits, not now not next week and for me it was a few months, but for you it could be much sooner. Now thenI say that because even though myself and my mom went through a very similar experience with anxiety, my mom took to it like duck to water, she read Paul’s website a few times and improved much quicker than me and is now absolutely fantastic, she has many friends, goes to clubs she has joined, is active, enjoys life all at the age of 70! Now I’m not saying this was easy for her either and she felt many many symptoms but her attitude changed, it didn’t scare her anymore to feel that was and that came to her fairly quickly. So there you have it, two people who suffered anxiety for years who have gone through different progression in recovery but ultimately who both now feel a whole lot improved. And you will too Sue!

    By the way, you look at going to your mom’s for half an hour and then returning because your feelings didn’t subside as a failure?!?! Why? You did it, you left the house and went to your mom’s! Full stop. You still felt terrible yes, you will, you still wanted to go home, yes you will but you did it and that’s where you start and you go on to do more of this BIT BY BIT, then you rest then you do it again another day and eventually you will reap the benefits in your feelings and you WILL find it becomes easier. Try not to look for the improvement, just accept it could be a while yet but it’ll come, you’ll see.

    Sarah xxx

  317. Sue C Says:

    Hello SarahS and thank you so very much for your reply – I really appreciate it and it does inspire me. I feel so heartened that you took the time to give me such a lengthy response and one day I’d like to be on here encouraging rather than looking for encouragement. People like you and Paul and all the others on here who have suffered themselves and are now taking the trouble to help others really do mean so much. I have re-read your post several times and will take heart from it. You keep up the good work (and your mum)
    Bless you,

  318. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Hi Stan and welcome to the blog. I think answering your post in a bit of depth will help others so I will split it up into sections.

    You Say: Hi guys,

    I have been dealing with anxiety myself for a very long time, I try to get myself back into a healthy lifestyle, by exersizing, eating well and getting enough rest.

    The problem for me is that I usually feel almost anxiety free or at least in a more confident mood when I am not at work, as soon as I go to work I deal with the constant presence of anxiety. It is hard for me as I live alone and I am young but have been working for 9 years now fulltime.

    *I felt this way also Stan, I felt far worse inside my work enviroment. The reason is firstly as you say there are more pressures at work. Another reason is we walk in and see the same faces, the same building, the same canteen, there is no breaks like we have outside of work. Outside of our workplace we can go for a walk, a swim, see nature, everyday is different and so memory does not associate suffering with our surroundings. When we are at work memory of feeling bad can hit us as soon as we step in there, there is nothing to distract our mind, this is where we have always felt bad so here we go.

    A quick example is a lady I know left her husband as she was in a very bad realtionship, she says she has to go to the house to sort things out from time to time and when she enters the house she feels full of dread, old memorys come back. It’s just memory of past suffering that brings initial feelings on.

    The last reason work can have us feeling at our worst is we think we should come across as normal and we may tend to act or way through the day, we put more pressure on ourselves to appear and be o.k, this can become a bit of a daily battle and tire us out further and the reason we may feel tense and spent when we get home.*

    You Say: I know that thinking about the subject keeps it alive, i try my best to move on and enjoy my life when i am not anxious, meaning do things as i would usually, it is work that I find difficult, everything else seems to be okay.

    *One thing that makes it worse is trying NOT to think about it, this again can become a battle. Just acknowledge it and move on, like it is part of you, but no longer a problem, don’t tense or pull away from it. But yes the more we study, talk and obsess about it, the worse we may feel. We need to try at some point to trust in ourselves and live again, educating yourself in moderation is fine as long it does not take over your life and everyday is spent trying to make it all go away, googling symptoms or trying to search for that miracle piece of advice. We can certainly drown ourselves too much in the subject, to the point we feel we have no space for anything else and the reason I have never set up a forum, it would do no good. The more educated I became on the subject, the easier it was to just go about my day and take how I felt with me, it was not always nice or straight forward, but it just became in built and I let so much more into my day and I really started to step aside from the subject and live again. Anxiety was still part of my day, it just wasnt my day anymore. In time anxiety became a small part of my day, then it was just a small nusicence in the background, until nothing at all. We have had some people come here and recover and go on to give great advice, but they just want to move on and live again. There was one guy who a few will remember called Tarmo, he was as lost and desperate as everyone else when he came here, just about recovered and gave fantastic advice to others. He then emailed me and said Paul I am sorry but I just want to leave the blog now and get on with my life, hanging around helping others is great, but I feel the need to catch up and live again and move on. I said this is what I want everyone to do. He still pops in from time to time and is doing great, he is just busy catching up on the years he lost.

    Going back to the earlier point, It is not about trying to keep busy to avoid the subject. Just a natural lifestyle where you add other things into your day and not build your life around trying to feel better. As a lady says above ‘I go to sleep wondering how I will feel in the morning’ I would say ‘go to sleep and don’t care how you feel in the morning’, at first just learn to not see it as important, good or bad live your life, the rest will catch up with you.*

    You say: Here is my dilemma, would it be avoidance or self “care” if i were to take a break from work and work from home for a while to get back into what it feels like to have a good mood and to not be pre-occupied with anxiety, I feel like that’s what I need to snap out of the cycle, I need to allow myself some rest and some love. I am pretty sure I can go to work tomorrow if I wanted to, but I am just so burnt out from it and from dealing with anxiety, most of the times I feel like im struggling to survive rather than live life.

    *Stan if you have a chance to work from home then go for it. I was very high on the anxiety scale, extremley high and I trudge to work for 10 years before I took the decision to leave. I went into web design working from home and gave myself real time to try and help myself. When I eventually recovered I went to my local hospital to voluntary help people with anxiety. This came from my local hospital setting up a seperate section to help people with anxiety/depression issues. I said I think I can help and was given a chance to help others. I did though find myself drowning myself in the subject too much a bit too early. Although I felt almost recovered, a lot was still fresh and i had to put myself number 1, it was just a bit early to be helping others many hours a week, I needed more time. That is how the site first came about, it would not take over my life, but would hopefully help people. Never in a million years did i expect it to grow so big.

    Stan if that’s what you have an opportunity to do then go for it. I don’t go around telling people to leave their workplace, I for one would have never done this unless I had something else to fall back on, the stresses of not having a job would have brought more on that going to work and even though I found it tough I did not want to sit at home all day feeling sorry for myself.*

    You say: Can’t it be a bit counter-productive to constantly push yourself to do something, I know I get better when I am given a clear choice and my own time to do it, then I gradually become better at doing whatever it is I was afraid of, but with work it feels almost pushed or forced upon me. If i tell myself I am avoiding it then it feels like I’m pushing myself too hard and not giving myself the necessary break and if I tell myself I need a break to cool down and just create a break in my anxiety then I feel like I am avoiding the situation and I know I don’t want to do that.

    *Your not avoiding if you end up working from home, you are making a lifestyle choice, one that will suit you. Many people I know say they want to work, but in a less stressful enviroment or cut their hours down.

    Avoidence in it’s true sense is avoiding the friend coming down the street, making excuses not to go out and socialise, basically avoiding a feeling. I would feel utterly spent some days and would not go out and this was because I did not feel great, I just needed a break that night. You don’t have to force yourself to do everything, just do what you feel o.k with, but don’t avoid becsause you don’t want to feel bad.*

    So when does “taking a break from it all” become “avoidance” and when is it necessary to actually take a break from it all.

    *Again Stan the days were you feel utterly spent or your levels seem very high, just do something less strenous, go for a walk, read a book, do a jigsaw, chill out and watch a film, have some you time. You don’t have to run around proving how strong you are. i would never avoid going places because of my anxiety, but if my l;evels were very high or my head felt very tired I would say to my partner ‘Do you mind if we don’t go for a drink and a meal, I don’t feel so great today’. Again don’t use this as an excuse to not live your life, but even non anxious people don’t always feel like doing something, it is not avoidance, as long as it does not become an excuse to live your life.

  319. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Great advice to yourself Ezra below:

    So, I am going to try your method when the next one pops up, I’m going to smile at it, and even if it makes me feel uncomfortable I am NOT going to fess up! I’m in control so I’ll go for a run and it can come with me if it wants !!

    At first you may smile and feel uncomfortable, don’t expect a new attitude to work straight away, take the doubts, the insecurites with you. Rome was not built in a day, we have to stick with it. I don’t ever advise someone to diminsh the way they feel, I teach them to live alongside it and learn to be o.k with it. Stressing over stress induced symptoms is the way to keep stress induced symptoms alive. Going over and over something when your mind is so very tired will keep it tired and exhausted.

    Some people who recover think they should never feel anxious again, of course they will, I do, so does all the rest of the population.

  320. evelyn Says:

    hello paul,
    i know you are extremely busy , but i was wondering if you take the take to read my message above, about d.p. and how randome memories just replay in my head for no aparent reason, they are not necessarly bad ones, just episodes, i was wondering if this is normal signs of inturusive thoughts, or should i be concern?, i just purchased your book, but it will be a while until i receive it, i would really appreciate your reply, again thanks so much for your kind heart, and really take the time to help people with this condition:), i too feel that i am a whole lot better because of it, and want to help others as well, Thank You

  321. Ella Says:

    Hi, I really need some advice. I have had anxiety for the last year and since receiving Paul’s book and finding this site I have got so much better. But there is one thing that seems to stay with me, I don’t know whether it is anxiety or if I’m very paranoid or if my instincts are right. I don’t know how to write this… I always have this overwhelming feeling that my boyfriend is a paedophile, I feel sick writing this. It’s gotten to the point where I am constantly observing his reactions e.g. when a child is on the telly I’m waiting to see if he twitches or if his breathing changes or if his heart beats faster, and sometimes I feel like this does happen… or is it me being paranoid? I really don’t know. I feel so guilty that I’m thinking this every time we are together which is every day, we have been together five years and I’ve only just had these thoughts since I’ve had anxiety. I have tried ignoring them and inviting them in and it doesn’t help, even though it has helped with all the other thoughts I have had. I would really appreciate some ones advice, I feel so lost.
    Thanks, Ella.

  322. SarahS Says:

    Hi Sue C

    Lovely to hear back from you. Try to look back at posts from Diana, Candie, Scarlet and Helen – they have such good advice when you are feeling bad and just reading them helped me move forwards, I just then was able to post when I got stuck. Scan through and read a few of theirs, especially Diana’s who suffered a very long time and you will see how far she has come.

    Feel every single emotion that comes your way, try not to add to it (it takes time to get to this stage) and keep going, rest, try a bit more, don’t think you’re doing anything wrong if it doesn’t work, let it all happen and eventually you will give your body time enough to start to heal. Patience is key and perseverance at this.

    Sarah xxx

  323. Amanda Says:

    Hi everyone ,really stuggling with the numbness feeling i have ,since reading pauls book i took a step forward and felt i was on the road to recovery now over the last 3 weeks i have taken an almighty step back and feel in a really desperate way and i dont know why! i know everyone suffers setbacks but i cant see no light at the end of the tunnel felt that bad today i rang the doctors to see if she would up my AD (only on a low dose)

  324. Amanda Says:

    sorry put my post up before i had finished , i just wondered if anyone else felt like this feel like i had got half way up a mountain and slipped and got to start all over again ,not having any good days at the moment.right now feel very scared and alone, i know one day i will be writing a positive post but right now not coping well at all ,also feeling very guilty for putting my family through this .i hope everyone is ok

  325. si Says:


    I would say 99.9% of us on here have felt or is feeling the same way you are yes you feel desperate and alone and scared but accept this, laugh a little to yourself (yeh laugh…. hardest thing to do in the whole wide world at the moment i know).

    As for the AD I also went so up and down, going back and orth to my GP, even telling them what I needed to be on because I had read up on them so many times, but do you know what…. I honestly feel I don’t need them. I was on venlafaxine 75mg for a year and when I went to my gp and broke down infront of him, gues what (we need to increase your medication) however I went against this decision so many times and now I am on half a 35mg tablet a day (since xmas) and I realy dont need that I am sure, but it’s my next step to get rid of them. It realy is YOUR CHOICE, but I would do what Paul teaches and thats to drop as many crutches as you possibly can. Although I am still in recovery and yes it’s good one minute and terrible the next I have over the time learned not to get too bothered by it, Im not saying Im great cos Im not but if i look over the last year I have come along way. Back at work, not seing 3 therapists a week…. Yes 3!!!! the only therapist I have now is my wifes very patient and kind ear (just to tell her how im feeling) but she actually knows how I am feeling.

    Sorry if I have rambled on and I haven’t made you feel any better, BUT the only person that can do that is you and YOU can do it. I am the most mardiest person on eart but I am not going to let anxiety run me down!!

    Go on give it a go, laugh at yourself, it’s your mind testing you.

    Take care

  326. Ella Says:

    Hi, I really need some advice. I have had anxiety for the last year and since receiving Paul’s book and finding this site I have got so much better. But there is one thing that seems to stay with me, I don’t know whether it is anxiety or if I’m very paranoid or if my instincts are right. I don’t know how to write this… I always have this overwhelming feeling that my boyfriend is a paedophile, I feel sick writing this. It’s gotten to the point where I am constantly observing his reactions e.g. when a child is on the telly I’m waiting to see if he twitches or if his breathing changes or if his heart beats faster, and sometimes I feel like this does happen… or is it me being paranoid? I really don’t know. I feel so guilty that I’m thinking this every time we are together which is every day, we have been together five years and I’ve only just had these thoughts since I’ve had anxiety. I have tried ignoring them and inviting them in and it doesn’t help, even though it has helped with all the other thoughts I have had. I would really appreciate some ones advice, I feel so lost.
    Thanks, Ella.

  327. Teresa J Says:

    It is always good to catch up with the blog as it really does reinforce a ‘sensible’ head. I just felt like saying to SarahS how good her post to Sue was. I too have had a long relationship with anxiety and went into it at my worst around 38 and after a few years of really bad stuff came out of it into a sort of ‘managed’ anxiety which was not a lot better. It was a week before my 50th birthday when i found Paul’s site and book and it has been a major turning point. Yes, like you Sarah, as I suffered for so long I have not recovered over night (don’t think anyone does anyway) – but it has been a slow improvement for me. I still get really wrapped up in it and forget how to ‘not care’ and then I surface again and keep moving forward. I do not study the subject and i try not to let self pity creep in . I am getting better but I know it is by degrees.When I feel disheartened I realise I am , and although it’s not a nice place to be at least I do not crumble. The help of others on the site can be invaluable when you start the self doubt – it halts it before you start feeding the anxiety. I live my life – and the best piece of advice i picked up off Paul recently was to ‘live life like you don’t have it’ – I know how hard that can be, but you do feel yourself being absorbed by the world and the anxiety melting and that then shows you the way, even if it’s only for little breaks as Sarah said. My hardest part I find to deal with is – instead of abandoning myself to it and saying ‘whatever’ I feel the subconcious control taking over and then the absorbtion, – if it’s making me feel ill for one symptom or another and then trying to control it, and that is all to do with attitude, i feel now as if everything is just waiting to snap into place, I’m not brilliant at the moment not bad either, but there is a thread somewhere in the back of it all that feels although i know I am not handling it like i should at the moment a ‘penny will soon drop’. The progress I have made is that I do know I am doing it, I also know that no matter how upsetting I find somethings , getting on with life is the answer. I know that progress is happening all the time , even when we don’t feel or see it.
    I think that we need to not be so hard on ourselves. some of us will come back for reassurance – but that does not matter because all the time we are gaining and getting better. And perhaps knowing that when we occasionally hit the buffers there is someone there to talk us through lessens the anxiety of hitting the buffers. Thanks again to everyone on the site and SarahS i think you can add your name to the list of diana, Candie, Scarlet and Helen – lol.

  328. Ella Says:

    Please could some one reply to me :( i really need some help

  329. Ezra Says:

    Ella, you have admitted yourself that it is only since you became anxious that this thought came in. It is only your anxiety that has triggered this thought and you are purely over-sensitized to this subject. Ignore it, it means nothing. The next time a child comes on the TV, watch the programme, even if this thought is there and enjoy it. Remember anxiety is a trickster, this is your worst nightmare for the man you love to be a monster so it has you believing that he might be. Let the thought be there, smile and say ‘whatever’
    Stay Strong

  330. Ella Says:

    Thanks Ezra, that has helped, it really does get hard sometimes and I just need some reassurance.

  331. Teresa J Says:

    Think Ezra has already helped you – there is not a shred of reality in this thought. Anxiety finds the thing that frightens you most and then freaks you out with the thought playing over and over until you are not frightened anymore. As Ezra said, leave the ad play, it is purely anxiety, defy it – it’s a bully trying to get your attention. Thoughts are thoughts – not reality, yes as Ezra says it’s a trickster trying to find your weak spot.

  332. Ella Says:

    Thank you both for replying to me i feel instantly better i just got to keep reminding myself that its not real and its the anxiety that has caused these thoughts x

  333. Amanda Says:

    thanks for replying simon,i really dont want to up my medication but at the moment i feel very desperate like back to square one im going to hold off on taking more medication ,im going to see a therapist tomorrow hoping by talking to someone will lift my spirts thanks again .

  334. Teresa J Says:

    Just a quick reply Amanda – i am not qualified to talk about medication because i never took any. I did go down every road you can possibly imagine and spent years searching for an answer. You will get better – it takes time(I am a bright spark telling someone else that), if I can just help you panic a little less than you are now then that would be good. Gulit was a big part of how i felt too – but that is part of the anxiety too. If you can see you are not alone, far from it, you have found Paul’s site and we are all here to help you. It is not easy but is does get easier and you will feel better. You may even feel better tomorrow. This fear is a habit and the first thing you need to do is not blame yourself and feel guilty – you did not ask for this and you are doing your best. after that try to leave go of yourself, I really know how hard this is but just say ‘blow it’ do what you want – gone past caring and know that although it won’t change things immediately it will start the process. Is there any thing you LOVE doing – if there is try having a go at doing it. Go out if you can, have a walk – talk to people about anything and everything. you will have little glimmers of relief. Read Paul’s book or the back blogs – not too much but for short bursts.
    you will get better amanda, and you are definitely not alone. and you will get better.

  335. Wally Says:

    Hi Paul & Friends, My first post.
    I stumbled on Paul’s site around last Thanksgivings. I immediately ordered his book. I had been worrying everyday all day for 8 months about my heart, after having an afib incident Dec 2009 and spent the night in ICU. Well at 45 I’ve always been healthy and this shocked me deeply. Went to several docs and none had an answer. Fast forward too today and since finding Paul’s site I don’t have the worry, the heart is doing fine and I feel almost back to myself. My major problem is SLEEP and ringing ears. I haven’t slept a full night without waking many times in 7 months. I use to sleep all night every night. Paul touches on sleep briefly in his book, but I would like more info on this subject. Is this normal and when will it end. When I do get rested sleep I feel back to myself the next day and then the next night my be very shallow sleep (not deep) with several awakenings, not very restful. Then I feel tired the next day and run down. Most times I go back to sleep, but sometime it’s a struggle. Do others have this and can someone tell me when will it break? I sure wish Paul would touch more on this subject.

    P.S. Paul your book and blog is a life saver and Dr. Claire Weeks. THANKS!

  336. james Says:

    So I posted a few days ago and was wondering if anyone has taken or experienced xanax side effects. My doctor gave me some to take and I took it for a week, and probably shouldn’t of taken them a few times when I felt fine but I stopped last week. I feel like I don’t need them anymore but when I did take them it gave me some weird side effects that triggered new worries. Can anyone relate or help?


  337. Hawkeye Says:

    Ezra just want to say don’t worry about OCD. I have OCD since a child I don t have compulsions anymore only had those for a couple of years now my OCD is purely obsessive thinking which is just anxiety. It causes all the same symptoms but I just don’ do the rituals. However I guess there is always some mental compulsion like I guess for me asking for reassurance. But hey anxiety does that to you too. To me they are very similar especially if it’s purely the obsessive thinking without the safety rituals. Hope this makes sense typing on my phone x x

  338. Ezra Says:

    Thanks Hawkeye, I guess my ritual is telling my husband to get instant relief from the adrenaline ‘spike’
    I have a truth OCD as we call it, I couldn’t have any juicy secrets even if I wanted to ! :-)
    Although I try to laugh them off and ‘belittle’ them I know, in the long term I am giving the guilt thoughts credit by feeling the need to confess just to rid myself of the uneasy feeling.
    I am not going to in future, I’m going to take back control.
    Thanks for the reply

    Lets all have a great day, smile even if your crying inside and do something that fills you with happiness, even if it’s just a hot chocolate with marshmallows !

    Stay Strong x

  339. SarahS Says:

    Hi TeresaJ

    Thank you. You made me have a cry there, yours is such a lovely well written post. From the sounds of things you’ve gone through alot of similar things to me in your recovery and I think as long as we remember we are all different and our recoveries will be different too but ultimately we are recovering and making good progress.

    Thanks again.

    Sarah xxx

  340. Ross Says:

    Hey everyone,
    Came in to let bit of steam off, been accepting everything anxiety. Is throwing at me , I had the worst bout of dp yesterday I’ve ever had it was like I was completely numb and all I had was my vision? Anyone understand the way I felt. Anyhow just carried on my best and it passed.

    Just finding it annoying more than anything and was getting little impatient yesterday as I’m making progress with recovery but the dp is worse? It’s weird but owell

  341. Teresa J Says:

    Thats nice that I touched you , although don’t know about making you cry, lol. Yes we are all getting better – getting better at realising there is no monster to be frightened of. It’s good to hear from you.

  342. evelyn Says:

    hi ross,
    i have the same problem from time to time, there are good days, better days, bad days and horrible days, one thing i learned from paul and his advice that i have read is that every set back, gives you two better days:) from my own experience i now believe it, one time i felt sooo bad with d.p that i just could not take it, i was adding fuel to the sensation! which was making it worse, after i overcame it a couple of days later i felt good, and then bad again, but the pattern makes sence now! for every bad day theres a better day that awaits you, we cannot recover unless we feel the pain, and last night i felt another bad d.p feeling after feeling ok for a week, i was going down, but i quick thought cam to my mind!! for every bad theres a good:) so i stopped adding fuel and all though im not feeling the best, i got some relief, i engaged in cleaning my house iand i felt better, hope this makes sense, oh and also i had the d.p 10 years ago and overcame it, and now its back due to a very stressful life that im currently in, so alothough its hard, i remind myself that i overcame it before, and can do it again, just let time pass, float, and accept.. hope this helps.

  343. Ross Says:

    Cheers evelyn,

    Its as if my old habits gradually creep back. Wat do u do durin setback? Do u re read pauls book? Or just carry on

  344. Pauline Says:

    Hello All,

    It has been about two years since I visited this website. In 2008 I was asked to perform an inservice for the hospital staff that I work for. My fear of it caused me to experience most of the familiar symptoms that everyone on this blog talks about. .. . DP, dizziness, muscle fatigue, obsessive scary thoughts…etc. All of it is gone. Occasionally I get stressed and naturally they return- but I know what to do. And it dissipates pretty quickly.
    When I think of how I went to work with all of my symptoms I realize how far I have come. I’m a physical therapist by trade so you can imagine how difficult it was to treat patients … . .. But I did it and I am real proud of myself.

    This past week I had the flu. My physical symptoms frightened me so I started to internalize my thought process. Even went into a mini panic yesterday while I was home. Took out my Claire Weeks book and read Pauls last post. Wow. By the time my spouse came home it was like nothing happened. Just like that.
    One of the reasons why I stayed away from this website was because I had a difficult time reading what others have gone through. I would obsess: “what if that happens to me??” and I would obsess to the point where it would spin me into panic. Yesterday I spent almost an hour reading everyones post. I did not go into panic, I did not get frightened by what I was reading. This was definatley a highpoint in my recovery. I can read without fear. I was reading with curiosity and with a feeling of hope for all who suffer with anxiety symptoms. I felt like I wish I could replant myself to be right there in front of you to hug you and guide you. I remember what that was like. I take solace in knowing you are in good hands by joining this blog.

    As always, I want to thank Paul. His dedication and advise are insurmountable. When I read your January post, I read that one line over and over. Living life as if it is not there….. how powerful is that? I took that with me and it has worked like a chrarm.

    So keep the faith everyone.. … . Your gonna be ok… I’m living proof like the hundreds of other people who have posted he.

    The word for 2011 will be: ACCEPT

    All the best to all:)

  345. Wally Says:

    Hi again,

    Does anyone have sleeping problems? I wake a lot during the night and seems like my sleep is very shallow. It really makes the next day tiring.

    Anyone with sleeping problems?

    Thanks, Wally

  346. Kory Says:

    Hi there:

    I am new to this site, but have long been a suffer from anxiety. It is kind of odd to hear myself say that, because I really am not sure that I fully believe that there is nothing wrong with me. I have always worried more than I should. I am 34 years old, and I can remember back to when I was 16 when I think I had my first real bout with worry. I had a teacher with MS, and one week I was run down, not feeling well, and for whatever reason my mind completely convinced me that I had MS. For the rest of high school, college, and into my first professional job, I was convinced that I had MS. Things would trigger me that would kick off my thoughts. Other times, I wouldn’t think about it at all. Odd symptoms off and on … tiredness, head felt cloudy, tingling in hands, eye twitches, muscles twitches, tightness in my leg. I felt it all and the thoughts are always “there”. I am a pro at being able to function though …

    All this time, ironically, I never thought that it was anxiety at all. I went to neurologists, had exams, MRIs, blood work, you name it … all came back just fine. So, I went on wondering, disecting and trying to understand. Very, very frustrating.

    I changed jobs in 2005 and had another bout with physical symptoms. My GP ran all of the tests, mostly because I believe he wanted to prove to me that I was okay. Finally, he said, “I really do think you have anxiety issues that we need to talk about”. He put my on 40mg Prozac and over time I started to feel better.

    Overraction is common to me. If my kid has a fever, it is cancer. If he has a sore throat and swollen glands, it is lymphoma. If my wife has a back ache, it is a spinal tumor. If we have a bad month at work, we are going bankrupt, I am going to lose my job and my family will lose everything.

    My latest issue … I felt like I was doing pretty well, and had been promoted at work. The week before I was to start, I was diagnosed with a pilonidal cyst. A pain in the butt, but nothing life threatening. However, I couldn’t let it go. After dwelling on that, I started not feeling well after volunteering at an event. I went to the doctor and he said it was probably just a bug. It didn’t get better, so of course I demanded more tests. Salmonella poisoning … my obsession over the cyst went away and I thought about nothing but my stomach, how terrible I felt and that it was probably some sort of chronic stomach condition.

    I did nothing but think about that for three months, and then I started feeling what seem to be my physical symptoms of anxiety. Tingling in my hands when i wake up … headaches … burning odd sensations in my head … odd feelings in my leg. Once again, another MRI, more neuro tests and everything is fine. My psychiatrist / neuro has told me point blank that I am fine and that I have OCD that is causing my issues.

    As much as I hear it, I still can’t convince myself and let it be. I have to keep trying to figure it out. I am at such a loss on where to go next. I feel alone, and feel terrible that my wife has to see me in this state of mind. Any comments would be very much appreciated. Thank you!

  347. evelyn Says:

    hi ross,
    i am in the process of receiving pauls book, i have not read it, i should receive it in 2 weeks:)
    sometimes when im going through a setback, i sometimes carry on, or simply engage in a activity, wash dishes, cook, clean, read, take a shower, and one of my FAVORITES is to speak to someone, i notice that when i do any of those listed, i tend to feel better, not a whole lot better, lol, but enough not to get me in that visious cycle!! i remember 10 years ago when i first experienced d.p it was horrible, i really though i was going crazy, then months later i was in therapy which helped a bit, i got pregnant, and guess what? instead of the d.p getting worse it actually went away!! WHY?? because i was not focused on it 24/7, i was focused on my baby and preparing things for when he arrived:) during the the last 10 years of my anxiety i experienced every physical sensation out there, feelings of being liked, having heart attack omg my, dizzy, tired , moody, sad, depressed, anxious, so now i have the d.p again, with NO physical symptoms, WHY?? because im more focused on my d.p, THAT to me proves that its all up to YOU, to ignore the sensations.. its just simply our mind playing tricks.. let me give you a quick example of why i think anxiety and depression tends to come back, but if managed properly can be controled.. lets take a person thats over weight?? they cannot loose 100 pounds over night right? it takes courage, exercise, eating habits, and dedication! once the person lost those 100 pounds he can gain them if he stops doing as followed.. same with anxiety, if you do not ignore the sensations caused by fear then your never going to see results… once overcome you can fall back if you do not use proper tools.. lol, sorry its a bit long i just love to please do not think that i am fully recovered, i condcider myself in the process though, one thing that i can say is that GOD has truly blessed me with great friends to always listen when the d.p is at its high, try it and you will see the difference, i know although i feel horrible one day, tomorrow will shine bright!! sensations and bad habits can be reversed ross:) TIME TIME and more TIME…

  348. Ross Says:

    Thanks Evelyn, that’s great wee pick me up.

    Yesterday was just a bad day , that’s it :) sometimes I need a wee reminder of how far I’ve come . I am on the road to recovery I know it :)

    I think not drinking alcohol is a major thing in my recovery as that’s where it all started .stopping alcohol keeps my mind clearer and with a lot of exercise I’m feel in a lot better, just got to be patient now let recovery come in it’s own time. Your right Evelyn having a new focus in life is great for you, I sometimes think us anxiety sufferers have too much thinking time and not enough ‘doing’ time .

  349. Michelle Z Says:

    Hii – I’m having a difficult week. Just when I think that I’m turning a corner with this…Wham! I’m so caught up in the obsessive scary thoughts and depression that comes along with it. I’m trying but feel like I can’t get back to it not mattering. The thoughts are scaring me. Every feeling I get feels magnified right now. I’m re-reading Paul’s book and checking for support on here, but it’s not clicking in. Any support anyone can offer would be appreciated. It feels like I’m back to square one.

  350. Helz Belz Says:

    hi all, i know anxiety and adrenalin can make some pretty wierd symptoms sometimes, but has anyone ever has this wierd pulsing/trembling feeling deep inside their body at all? I’ve recently had a lot of dizzyness, feeling like i’m falling/floating off chairs etc, but this deep internal trembling feeling is really odd and wondered if anyone else had felt it too? am sure its nothing, and compared to some of the really scarey symptoms i must sound like i’m completely over-reacting :(

  351. evelyn Says:

    hi Helz
    yes when i had extreme anxiety, i felt the same thing, its just anxiety that i assure you:) ive even felt a shock to my whole body like i was getting electicuted, was very scary, but i read a book and those symptoms were there, and of course its just a symptom of ANXIETY, notthing more, nothing less.. when that happens sit somewhere and do not fight it, just simply sit there and let it pass, breath and relax, u will see that it will happen less, when that happen to me i would panic so much, that i was feeling like everyday, until i read the book by claire weeks, she really thought me alot of things in that lil book that i have been searching for in 10 years!!! just float with it, and accept it, my physical symptoms are pretty much gone, im just dealing with the d.p right now, that im tgrying to ignore:) hope this helps

  352. Kory Says:

    Hi Michelle Z. I am new to this site, but I can relate to what you are feeling … I find that is most frustrating part is the ups and downs, not knowing what you will feel like the next day.

    Know that I struggle with you, but together, let’s focus today on just “letting the anxiety be”. I have said those four words to myself about 20 times already today and am doing everything I can not to work against this, but with this.

  353. Ross Says:

    Hey everyone,
    I want to soak up as much knowledge about anxiety that will help me, so what Claire weekes books will be of best help? I’m going to buy them

  354. Michelle Z Says:

    Hi Kory – Thank you for the kind response. I hear ya. I read through your longer posting as well and see that you are also looking for some reassurance. The funny thing is that I can easily reassure you and know and believe that it is anxiety and that you can and will recover. :) So, yes, let’s focus today on “letting the anxiety be.” We can overcome!! Yay, us! :)

  355. Michelle Z Says:

    Hi Kory – Thank you for the kind response. I hear ya. I read through your longer posting as well and see that you are also looking for some reassurance. The funny thing is that I can easily reassure you and know and believe that it is anxiety and that you can and will recover. :) So, yes, let’s focus today on “letting the anxiety be.”

  356. Michelle Z Says:

    Hi Ross – I have three of Claire Weeks books and they are all good. I will get the names of them for you tonight when I get home from work.

  357. Ross Says:

    Cheers michelle

  358. Teresa J Says:

    It is very hard to change your view of how you feel and stop the panic or over reaction but if you have had all the tests then you are definitely in the midst of anxiety. The best thing I could suggest to you to do is to read paul’s book. If you do not have it yet go back through the site and read the posts that Pauls sets up – they will help explain to you why you feel the way you do. It will give your mind a break from searching for a ‘reason’ why you feel the way you do.
    Letting anxiety be – it is what we all need to do and not easy but when your mind realises that it gets relief from it – it does become easier. a step at a time is the way forward. don’t expect too much to start with but be confident you have found the right place and the anxiety will get better the more you learn from here.
    Michelle Z – I know its hard when you are scared again – but remeber you have been ‘not scared’ and when you were not scared the thoughts that you have now did not affect you. Although this is a difficult time – just keeping plodding on, it will pass, this is a moment – nothing stays the same and the moment will change and you will feel good again. for now try and just tell it you don’t care – even if you don’t manage to tell it that, it will go. I know what you mean about reassuring others sincerely and not being able to reassure yourself – it does seem strange, I get that too – but I have come a long way since I came here and you are improving too, you just have lost the vision temporarily (but just because you can’t see it it does not mean you are not improving – you are).
    hope things are better for you both soon.

  359. Si Says:


    Question for anyone!

    I was wondering if anyone has tried any meditation CD’s? and if they are actually any use?

    The main reason why I ask is because I did listen to some in my early days of anxiety and to be perfectly honest they didn’t realy help that much (but was it because I was expecting instant relief, of which I now know is just my anxious mind)

    Anyway, just looking at it again and I actualy feel quite frightened and threatened by listening to something relaxing and soothing, now is this because It reminds me of how ill I was when I first tried it and I don’t want to go there again? I do realy struggle with relaxing, can sit at work because that’s what my job entails however at home it’s a different story. I find I need to be occupied and get all the anxious feelings when I can’t get out of my head.

    Just wondering that I have created another fear about relaxing and I should do it anyway and pay little or no attention to how I am feeling. It just feels alien to have to listen to someone trying to get you to relax and thing of things to calm my mind.



  360. Michelle Z Says:

    Hi Teresa & Ross – I tried to respond last night from home, but for some reason my computer wouldn’t let my response go through. So I am trying this morning from work.

    Teresa – Thank you so much for your support! It truly means a lot and was very helpful. You are so right. It’s only anxiety. I have to keep reminding myself that. :) And it always goes away and gets better.

    Ross – Not sure if it’s allowable to share the names of Claire Weekes books, but I will try and see if it goes through: Hope & Help for your Nerves, More Help for your Nerves, & Peace from Nervous Suffering. All excellent, all have the same message & all share Paul’s message: Face, do not run away; Accept, do not fight; Float, do not arrest & listen in; Let Time Pass, do not be impatient with time. There you are. Hope this helps!

    Blessings to all!

  361. Michelle Z Says:

    Si – I’ve done relaxation and/or meditation CD’s. It’s very challenging at first to allow yourself to actually relax while listening to them. But in time, if you continue, your body and mind will relax. I found them helpful while doing them, but didn’t notice that they made a difference in my overall day. I suppose if you keep it up, it would be helpful, just like being on a regular exercise program and eating healthy foods. Any of those things will prove good results in the long haul.


  362. Kory Says:

    Thank you Teresa – I appreciate your thoughts and welcome more. I had a pretty good day yesterday … was able to concentrate at work, played with the kids, came home and exercised a little. Today is Saturday, and I would think I would be relaxed. But, I wake up this morning and all of the sensations that make me nervous start getting me cranked up.

    Just trying to let it be, but my goodness is it hard to do.

  363. evelyn Says:

    to anyone that has recovered, in in process
    did you ever feel weird looking at yourself in the mirror? like its not you or cannot recognize yourself?, when my anxiety is at its high, i feel this way:(, i am pretty much recovering from the physical sensations, heart palpataions, dizzy, chest pain, etc. its the numb depersonalization and unreality that i find hard to switch off aT TIMES. to those that have recovered from this, can you please give me advice, i use to feel i was going crazy frfom this feeling, i am fully aware its just anxiety, but hoe can i overcome it?? thanks a ton for who ever replies:)

  364. candie Says:

    Hi Hawkeye yes i did, i felt like the rational response would be to figure it out and not accept uncertaincy, but by trying to figure out the scary thoughts i was raising my anxiety levels due to not accepting them- this in turn fuelled the thoughts. The only way to break the cycle is to trually pay no attention to the questions your mind may raise and eventually you lose the anxiety response to them and can see 100% clearly how silly you where been.

    Those worrying about guilt anxiety and feeling compelled to confess silly things the same applies for. At the height of my anxiety i feel guilty over the most silly of things and would have to talk about them to get over the guilt. In the end i decided no more, let the guilt build as it wasnt real. It did build, but i accepted it- eventually it peaked and then faded and saw how silly i had been. You have to acknowledge that what you are experiencing is fake, if you go accomodating it and giving in to thinking about the guilt and confessing to relief the anxiety you are conditioning your mind to believe it has every right to feel anxious- when in reality it doesn’t.

    I dont come on here often now as i think to be anxiety free you have to let go of thinking about it and raking the memories up. I will allways pop in now and again to pick up on things when i have a spare moment, but my biggest piece of advice would be to just mistrust whatever your symptoms are as fake and retrain yourself to see them as harmless through accepting them. To accept them you have to allow yourself to experience the symptom and dismiss it as fake, not real just anxiety and not to be pondered, figured out or escaped from. Be comfortable with been uncomfortable, so what if you feel guilty, scared, anxious, panic, sick, dizzy, ANYTHING goes. Stop scanning for problems to figure out, as they can fix themselves if you drop the anxiety radar.

  365. Ron Says:

    Paul or Candie…
    I have had anxiety for a little while now and have gotten much better but am still struggling with how to deal with my crazy thoughts. My mind has been stuck and obsessed with “is religion true?” and “is there a god?”. I watched the movie “Religulous” and this is where it all sparked from. I am not very religious but do believe in a higher power and I have always had no problem with that. But lately my mind has been going off with questions like “what if religion is real and you should be more religious” or “what is our purpose if there isn’t a god?”..I’ve been able to recreationally think about this stuff before and have been able to drop it without getting super anxious. However now I try to dismiss these thoughts but in the end I always feel like I need to get to the bottom of this and get closure but my mind will not let me. Once I get involved though I just end up getting anxious and getting nowhere. My question is what is the right approach towards this and will I ever be able to think openly and normally about this topic again like I used to without getting such an overexaggerated reaction?

  366. KM Says:

    HI Evelyn,
    I experience this symptoms from time to time, usually when i’m anxious and getting ready to go anywhere and i am doing my hair or make up, i find it hard to look at my reflection also if i see my reflection in windows, usually the thought pops up ‘who is that, i dont recognise that person’, its quite upsetting, but i try to let it go.. but yes manage it like other symptoms try to look at it as a harmless thought that has grabbed your attention only because its got a fear response. Thats the only reason its sticking in comparison to the other symptoms. One you loose the fear of and another pops up….Good luck :)

  367. Ezra Says:

    Thank you Candie for your response and advice. I think we would all agree how reassuring it is to know that others have had the same symptoms and help with how to deal with it.

  368. Helz Belz Says:

    Hi Evelyn,
    thank you for your reply, its good to know that its all just anxiety. i’ve got Claire Weekes book from the library will read it soon, sounds like it might be of help. I’m also getting this wierd ‘numb’ feeling on my lip, even though i can still feel it, which is wierd. i’ve read that numbness in the facecan be caused by anxiety as the neck muscles tighten around the nerves leading to the face, so am hoping that its just anxiety too.

    you said you’re having problems with looking in mirrors, i’ve had that too, like the person looking back at you is someone else. i’ve looked at mirrors when in the depths of DP and not recognised myself! it will pass, trust me, just dont get too worked up trying to recognise yourself. and don’t force yourslef to look in mirrors either, just take them as they come, eventually you will recognise yourself again and be able to smile at your reflection :)

  369. evelyn Says:

    thank you kM and Helz,
    it really helps to know im not alone:O) and others have overcame it.. i am a master of physical symptoms and do not fear them anymre, i just remind myself it will pass ans its harmless, its the d.p that still bothers me, but i know with time i should overcome it when i loose the fear, just like any other symptom, right now i dont think i fear it, its just annoys me has any of you felt the detachment part of d.p? like your floating? or its not your body?

  370. Wally Says:

    I would really like to know who has overcame insomnia. I have several awakenings during the night. Last night only got one hour of sleep. It feels like there’s a block inside my brain not letting me cross over to the sleep side. Very strange, can’t get relaxed. Head pressure.

    Does this move on?

    When I get sleep, I’m fine and feel normal during the day. Then a night without sleep sets me back. I can’t seem to overcome this viscous cycle.

    If you’ve had this problem – please reply?

    Thanks, Wally

  371. Mike H. Says:

    HI Evelyn,

    I have had anxiety for the past year and 4 months from a nervous breakdown at a stressful job. I have had depersonalization all that time, in it’s many forms…mostly just everything seeming/feeling/sounding strange, and constantly thinking deeply about everything. I’ve handled it pretty well, but just the past 3 days I have had that intense feeling of not being myself and being disconnected from my body. I do not know if it will pass.

    I do not know if there is really any way for dp to go away, as every time I think I’m getting better and am moving forward socially, with jobs, with family always comes back. I am starting to think it is something you just have to live with.

    It tends to leave in the evenings and everyday I just look forward to night. I don’t really have any attitude about it with friends or family. I just try and act as normal as I can. I went to church today and talked to a whole bunch of people. I felt terrible the whole time. Again. I live with it.

  372. candie Says:

    Ron you have made it important in your mind to get to the bottom of a very normal existanal thought to have. I’ve had the religion one before and many others like it, had them way before anxiety. So what if you cant figure them out, you dont have to figure them out for them to fade- you have to let them nag and not bite and know deep down how you feel is just a hightened anxiety response causing you to feel so anxious about the subject and really the subject in itself isnt the problem. I had many thoughts i could never find a rational answer to, so i trained my mind not to let them go by changing my response to one of it doesnt matter i wont try and figure it out. After days, weeks and sometimes even months they go and within days deffo a lot easier to dismiss.

  373. candie Says:

    sorry meant to put i trained my mind to just let them go*

  374. Kory Says:

    Hi Evelyn:

    I really struggle convicing myself that the physical symptoms are anxiety. I just can’t understand how anxiety can cause me knee to hurt, my head to tingle and sting, my throat to feel funny …

    How do you turn the corner with that? What physical symptoms did you have?

    I just worry so much about it being something terrible, no matter how many doctors I go to or tests I take.

  375. Kory Says:

    Hi Evelyn:

    I really struggle convicing myself that the physical symptoms are anxiety. I just can’t understand how anxiety can cause me knee to hurt, my head to tingle and sting, my throat to feel funny …

    How do you turn the corner with that? What physical symptoms did you have?

    I just worry so much about it being something terrible, no matter how many doctors I go to or tests I take.

  376. james Says:

    Hello Everyone,

    I haven’t been on lately because I see improvement. The main problem for me it seems like the mental aspect of recovering from anxiety. I still get these random thoughts of “hurting” someone. When I first got anxiety and these thoughts occured I was scared now I understand it’s just anxiety playin tricks but it’s just getting tiresome. Also it seems like I’m afraid of getting in a relationship becasue I’m afriad my anxiety will get in the way of it. It just feels like I know I’m going to be fine but my mind tells me this will never go away.

    Can anyone help?


  377. evelyn Says:

    Hi Mike thanks for your reply
    mmmm thats exactly what scares me, i hope that i dont have to live with this forever:( its the worst thing ever.. especially when im around public, everyone starts to look strange to me, i try my best to conrol it which i think i do pretty well, its just soo hard at times, sometimes its not as strong as others, but i hope with time we can overcome just like paul

    i have been dealikng with physical “sensations” as i call them, because their not symptoms in my eyes, they are false and are your mind tricking you.. it took me a long time to finaaly believe it, i remember one time a had a HUGE panic attack, at work, and they called 911 because i swear i felt like i was dieing.. i have felt, feelings of heart attack, dizzy, shortness of breath, pain in left arm, numbness in hands and arms, tight throat, head pains, chedst pain, lightheaded, you name it kory i felt it.. your body has tricked you in to believing something is wrong, every time i would go to the emergncy the doctors ran eevry test, and i was fine, it ALWAYS turns out that way. So whenever you feel a sensation confront it. float with it, and know it will never kill you kory i promise you, its just a sensation.. i really believe its false, today i actually felt dizzy, it didnt even scare me, soon it left, why? ‘ i no longer fear have to really believe from the bottom of your heart its false.. ‘what u resist will persist” always remeber that.. one last thing, now that im focused on my d.p sensation, i have NO physical senations, this is because im more focus on something else. that proves to me its all in the mind.. hope this helps kory:)

  378. evelyn Says:

    i have felt the same way, ive notice with letting time pass, and not being afraid of these thoughts it has become less frightning and less frequent.. one thing that made me good in a weird way was that if you fear the thought is a good thing because its means you are not going to do it. people who really carry out these thoughts are not “afraid of them”, when they come in mind or when your mind plays tricks to make you believe you will never get better, just simply say to yourself.. ok do your thing i know its just anxiety, and engage in doign something else..with time they will be less frightning .. hope this helps:)

  379. evelyn Says:

    hi just wanted to ask you if you ever felt d.p? and if so how intense was it and what tools did you use to overcome:)

  380. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Evelyn I know Candie through this site and she did not suffer with D.P. I did very badly and came through. There is a page on my main site about it and click on the links to the right of this blog on the depersonalisation, there is lots of help and advice on the subject. Also the set of recovery stories in my next blog post has a great recovery story from an ex-sufferer.


  381. lisa Says:

    wally stop worrying that your not sleeping,”so what” should be your attitude,you will sleep when you stop worrying and focusing on it. hi paul, candie, scarlet hope your all well 😉 just thought id pop in and say hellooooooooooo, im great, busy working, n LIVING and thats what everyone needs to do. paul is right, live your life with your thoughts,feelings,symptoms and stop worrying so much about them. i suffered 9 year,if i can do it n candie,paul n scarlet,and many others then you can too :)

  382. James Says:

    Thanks Evelyn! :)

    I feel like the next stage I have to overcome is the mental ascpect of anxiety and what it did too me. And of course for me this is the hardest part because everything I went through is still stuck inside my head so everytime I feel fine I tend to go back to what I thought about when I had anxiety. It just really tires you out. I can honestly say if I was offered a million dollars or I can have this anxiety go away completely and go back to being normal I wouldn’t even hesitate and pick going back to being normal.

  383. Wally Says:

    Thanks lisa
    I’m trying “so what” really hard and that has work for everything else up until this point. When you don’t sleep for a whole night and not much the next and not a full night in 8 months. It brings your positive attitude and “so what” ability way down, to where it doesn’t mean the same when applied. It seems it doesn’t have the same strength as before when I used the “so what” attitude and this weirdness left. Maybe my “so what” isn’t as strong or this is just one of those bad setbacks.

    Anxiety seems to climb when you don’t get the rest you need and symptoms magnify. When I lay down at night it seems I’m thinking at 100 mph. There may be a song playing, daily problem solving and future planning all going on at once. Yes I think the “I can’t sleep” or “I’m having trouble sleeping” pokes into the nightly mix too. It all gives me a light headache and head pressure. I try and sling the “so what” on it, but it seems to bounce right back. It’s like a computer program running in the background and the programs name is “no sleep”.

    It does make me feel better hearing from others that have gone through this awful sleep pattern chaos. I feel this sleep problem is the only thing holding me back to full recovery. It makes me feel so alone.

  384. Kory Says:

    Thank you so much Evelyn. I really appreciate your response … amazing how comforting it feels to know that I am not the only one out there with this. I hope you have a really good day.


  385. James Says:

    Hey Wally, I have almost the same problem as you. It does feel like I have a million things running through my head when I try and go to sleep. It’s like I dread trying to go to sleep because I know I’m gonna have this problem to deal with. I eventually do go to sleep but still wake up in the middle of the night sometimes and the first thing that comes to my head is whatever I was thinking about before I went too bed. It seems like I’ll never recover and I’ll end up going crazy a few years from now. I’m still trying to think positive but it’s hard when all day you have this problem.

  386. evelyn Says:

    Thanks paul:)
    i cant thank you enough, you are awesome and have been so patient, but when i recover i too wannt to devote my life in helping others, because the pain of having NO knowledge is horrible.. your a blessing…. i am looking foward to reading the recovery sufferer, that overcame d.p

    i would totally do the same, money ofr material can not make me happy as much as being sane:)lol

    yes in deed you are not!! we all have the same and feelings, but with time and acceptance we shall all recover, today if yoou feel any sensations let them be, remember they cannot kill you:) never

  387. evelyn Says:

    Hi wally
    i had the same problem a couple of months ago, and i knwo its by far one of the worse, when i would get so many songs and thoughts and even conversations that i had earlier replaying in my head all at once, i would so terrified, which only made itt worse.. i thought i was really going crazy.. anyhow my sleep is much better, not the best but enough to say i slept thrfough the night.. this is what helped

    meditate before bed, i bought a radio that plays the ocean from the beach, birds chirping etc. it really helps the mind..

    take a warm bath, reading is good, because it gets you tired.
    excercise walking
    and just plaine giving up the thought of am i going to ahve a good night sleep today?
    if the thoughts are there just let them be, they cannot harm you or cause anything to happen, i really thought james i would never get a good sleep, and now that im ignoring them they are slowly leaving.. it takes time, it was not easy, but youu will recover…

  388. Wally Says:

    Thanks evelyn – I think sleep is one of the biggest problems to full recovery. I hope Paul addresses it in detail in the near future. It could help a lot.

  389. Ron Says:

    Thanks Candie.
    That makes sense because it seems once I desensitize to a thought, another one comes along that seems so urgent and scary when really the thought itself isn’t important, its the anxious state that makes them seem so forceful and important. Thanks for your help.

  390. dara Says:

    Thanks so much for this post and your blogs. Funny enough, I have been coming to these conclusions on my own…but it’s sooooo nice to be able to relate and understand things more clearly. Thank you.

  391. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Wally the sleep issue is covered in the book, you say in not too much detail, but it does not need a long drawn out explanation. The more you worry and make an issue of not sleeping the harder it is, especially when you ‘TRY’ to force sleep.

    Sleep comes when we are relaxed and the way to do this is to have to attitude of ‘If I sleep I do, if I just get a small amount then so be it’ this attitude takes away all the pressure off yourself and in turn helps and aid sleep. I had the same issue and said to myself ‘Whatever sleep I get then I get’ I stopped making an issue out of it and sleep came far easier in time. But you must truly have this attitude and if at first sleep is still off and on or you get little then be o.k with this, trust me in time it will come.

    If you have thoughts running around and the mind seems active, just let it ramble away and go with it. When you close your eyes and whatever nonsense is happening, smile and pay it no mind.


  392. evelyn Says:

    hi PAUL
    I have a question did you ever have memories that happened in your life? not necessarly bad ones.. just things that happen. random things will pop up, like the day i was at the mall with a friend or when i was small a certain place i was.. i dont know if it all started when i felt the d.p. that i would dig in my mind to see how i felt before it happen, and was i ever normal. today i didnt get them, maybe because i payed it any attention? this is my most destressing feeling along with my d.p, that i want to cure. thanks so much

  393. Clara Says:

    Hi Paul,
    I feel quite normal these days without any panic n dp and hence the thoughts that come to my mind are taken as true to its nature…for instance whenever i want to do something immediately my mind comes witha feeling that i neednt go for many excuses not to do it…i dont know where it comes and it seems so genuine that i couldnt get ahead and do it hindering me in moving forward..

    i am not able to recognise it as an anxious thought as it has become my second nature and seems like a genuine thought…
    initially i would go against all my instincts…now i am not able to, the main reason being …these thoughts are so random that i hardly realise and recognise it to be anxious or distorted ones..
    Pls help me with this one as i feel the quality of my life is deteriorating…!

  394. si Says:

    Trying not to use the blog so much at the moment, because like I think Paul mentions, the more time we spend on the subject the less time we spend on just livin, however this brings me onto a probelm that I am coming up agains and trying to just let it be, but I am sure when I explain how I am feeling it is a struggle because I am constantly thinking about me.

    I thought (cos we think alot lol) that I am a very jelous person, jelous of everyone and everything thats happeing around me. But I have come to a conclusion that it’s ENVY caused by Anxiety and DP? But can anyone relate to this and put my mind at rest that it’s just another layer to peel of the onion?

    I go about my day as best I can, yes I sometimes ACT as if I am ok, just to boost my own confidence. However 90% of the day I am looking at people and wondering why can’t I just do what they are doing without the feeling of slight dread (I would not go as far as saying panic, more like at Pang of fear). E.G. sat at work listening to guys talking about football, (I have never been a sports fan and if truth be known I don’t even know if I have any interests anymore and if I ever had any) anyway…. I then start to get all scared of the fact that these people go to football, have an interest and passion about something that thay look forward to. Now I used to get up in a morning and look forward to just being alive and going about my day without a care in the world (well you know, just happy to be full of life).

    Sorry Im rambling.. what I am realy after is this, will I ever be that person again? and I worry that the more this goes on the harder it’s going to be for it to disapear? I take on every conversation just wishing to be that person with something to think and say and then let it go. It’s a bit like the guilt thing, I get that guilty feeling for even trying to laugh and get intested!

    Hope someone can make sence and understand what I am writing. It’s a bit of a hell hole im mentally in, but the world outside my box has not changed (all that much) I envy life?


  395. si Says:

    Oh and just a lil possitive note from me to Wally.

    Sleep – I had major issues with is but I can honestly say it’s no were near as bad and yes the only way I got through it is to just THINK I’m ok, I can manage on what little I get and over time (YES OVER TIME) it’s got alot better. Still wake early sometimes but not at 2am more like 5am. I can drop off no problem and I also get about 3 hours sleep when I’ve been on nights, yes 3 hours a day for 7 days.. but guess what, when I first started back on nights I wasn’t sleeping, now I am.

    Im not say Im great with it, still get odd nights when I just WISHED!!! I could drop back off if I do wake at a silly time, but the attitude thing does help ease the pain.


  396. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Evelyn you are making the classic mistake of questioning everything you feel, the classic mistake of trying to diminsh how you feel, the classic mistake of seperating each symptom. I don’t know if you have read the book but it tells you not to split each symptom up and worry about each one individually, just put it all under one umbrella of anxiety, don’t feeel the need to split each symptom up, it just gives you a hundred things to worry about.

    Don’t try and diminsh each symptom, allow yourself to feel that way, yucky or not, just take how you feel with you, with all the worry, obsessing, stress taken out of how you feel then your mind and body gets space to fix itself, it takes time and can be an up and down road, but your mind and body needs a break, it does not need a constant daily battle.

    You said: have a question did you ever have memories that happened in your life? not necessarly bad ones.. just things that happen. random things will pop up, like the day i was at the mall with a friend or when i was small a certain place i was.. i dont know if it all started when i felt the d.p.

    In answer to the above, yes I did, so do many others, it’s just excess adrenalin going through your system and it tends to overwork the mind, speeds it up and the reason your mind seems to race on and lots of odd/meaningless thoughts appear, it is nothing to worry about and as I have said before, just anxiety finding a release.

    O.k sorry for any others that asked anything I really need to get on with other things, I am so far behind.


  397. Wally Says:

    Thanks Paul & si,

    I believe I have been thinking to much about sleep lately. Sometimes you don’t realize it, it just creeps back up on you. I guess a just needed a booster shot of Paul’s teachings. Anxiety just slips back up on you and the cycle starts going again.

    Last night I woke up many times but at the 2am wakening I thought “oh no, I hope I can get back to sleep” then I remember something that happened when I was a boy. I had a wart on my right index finger and I would pick at it a lot and it just got bigger. Then my mom said to me one day that the way her mom said they got rid of warts was to forget about them and they would just go away. Well that sounded strong to a young boy and I thought that it must work, like an old hand me down remedy. So I worked on it and just forgot about the ugly wart and soon after, lo and behold the thing went away. Wow, it worked!

    So last night I thought about that at the 2am waking and went back to sleep, woke up a few more times, but went back to sleep. I did get sleep.

    It’s basically the same technique Paul preaches and just reinforces his teachings in my mind.

    Good Day all – Wally

  398. Kory Says:

    Si – You might as well have put my name to your comment as well … that is so much of what I struggle with. The bitterness and envy that comes with wanting to just “live and be in the moment” without the wheels turning in the back of your mind.

    Let’s get better together. Have a good day.


  399. James Says:

    SI and Kory add me too that list as well!

    Before this happened to me, I use to just love waking up and enjoying my days. Now I always have something in the back of my head while in conversations wishing I can just be normal again. It’s so frustrating, I try and just ignore it but it feels like when I do that I’m not myself and it brings me down.

  400. James Says:

    Does anyone else think that their symptoms are much worse than anyone else’s, and they must be suffering much more?

    I just feel so absolutely horrendous. Like I am inside a nightmare, constantly. I worry that I am much worse than everyone else with anxiety, and how can anyone accept this?

  401. Helen Says:

    Hi James,
    I think most people feel that they must be suffering much more than anyone else ever has or does and it is because you feel so awful that surely it can’t get any worse than this? It is a pointless thought and a pointless question. You feel how you feel and wondering if your anxiety is worse than somebody else’s doesn’t make any difference, well it sort of does, you just worry more.
    You accept it because you have to, what else is there to do? You accept that you feel horrendous and carry on regardless. It will go, no doubt about it. It won’t go if you lose sight of what you need to. ACCEPT that you have anxiety and that you feel terrible, don’t question it, don’t worry that you may be feeling worse than anyone else ever has. This all keeps you in the vicious circle of anxiety.
    James, anxiety can be a living nightmare, no doubt about it but it will and does get better.

    All the best

  402. Michelle Z Says:

    Hi Everybody – Yes, James, feel like that quite often. I was doing better (up and down, but better) for the last three months (after buying Paul’s book and finding this site). But the last couple of weeks, it feels like I’m back in hell (hope that’s okay to say). I have not been able to just let it go. I have been obsessing about my scary thoughts, as well as the down moods that I have so much anymore. And the symptoms that go along with that. And the thing is that when I really practiced just living my life and being busy, even the down feelings diminished. Now they are back stronger than ever and it feels like I am just not doing this the right way. The thoughts and down feelings are making me feel awful. And I don’t know why I can’t just let it be. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

  403. evelyn Says:

    you are amazing:) i am crying of joy, i haved been digging for answers for 10 years!!! and with you and only you i have found so many in only a month, god had truly given you a gift, and i hope you know the greatness you have done in so many many peoples lives.. while reading what you just replied for me , i felt NO d.p, omg im stunned!! to know that i felt this boost of reality, that proves to me i will one day recover, i am waiting anxiously for your book, it should arrive next week

    thank you paul god knows its from the bottom of my heart

  404. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    No problem Evelyn, If you have not read the book as yet there is a very long and detailed chapter on D.P that will give you my story and how I came through and plenty of other advice on the subject. There is also just recently added the success story from an ex member on here who came through, it was that well written that it deserved to be added, I am sure you will find a lot of help and understanding reading this section in particular.


  405. Clara Says:

    Hi Si
    I can truly understand how you takes a while to realise that the feeling of envy is there simply because we cant enjoy life to its present times we struggle to catch up with whats happening around…and the nature of thoughts of being there with the situation automatically gets into internal thinking starting with y cant i just be like any other person enjoying life or be a carefree person..all these tend to build up negativity..its not our fault…
    i guess we need to being a shift in attittude of that of the guilt or envy to a feeling which brings an understanding that we have anxiety and will feel a bit inappropriate at certain times…its all ANXIETY…and not me…so never mind…everyday i’d like to do few things irrespective of how i feel..
    keeping up with positive affirmations when u r starting to feel low helps…
    i am a good person..these are just anxiety thoughts..carry on..we can to an extend build our confidence in ourselves by affirming positive statements…

  406. james Says:

    Thank you Clara for that comment…reading that helps out allot.

    For me I’m having trouble with the mental side of this, such as if I see something horrible on tv or remember all the scray movies or something in the news I get nervous and think what If I become that. Deep down I know I’m a great person and will never do such a thing, but my mind keeps spinning and I feel like one day I’m going to end up in a psych ward for going crazy. I understand it’s just anxiety but i guess I need to learn how to calm myself down. I just wish for this too be over with already.

  407. candie Says:

    Hi Evelyn no i never had depersonalisation no, god knows how as i was really bad with anxiety but some people just dont get it, everyone is diff i guess. I did feel drunk a lot and spacey, but i never felt unreal or asif im dreaming etc. It doesnt matter which symptom you have, its one method that tackles them all- everyone who has recovered learnt to think of their symptoms in a different way. For me recovery took years, i just didnt listen at all and it took a long time for me to stop seeing how i felt as a problem. I had to go against my bodies instincts and mistrust all the false warning signals that anxiety caused. You can do this with depersonalisation too, whenever you have it welcome it, give it permision to be there and just live alongside it. It feels odd giving this advice as when people gave it to me i was like i dont think anyone could live with this and ignore it, but thats where i went wrong- dont try and ignore it, acknowledge it and make peace with it.

  408. LisaP Says:

    Hi Evelyn
    Yes, today actually lol!! I feel as if I’m not connecting to anything really, just kind of floating. I picked my kids up from school today, while in this state. I feel really guilty about being detached from my kids and husband. So I try to ignore myself for their sake. I am literally terrified that my kids could also have this anxiety problem. For the first time, I wish to have no more children. The thought that they could have this is mortifying. I felt so normal about 2 days ago, thinking I was “recovered”, but apparently not. At least I’ve been here before, so I know what to expect. In times past it just sort of vanished, I mean I literally felt a wave just leave. The sun seemed brighter, I felt at peace…I can’t explain it. So I guess i’ll wait it out. Anyone else ever been in “remission” like this?

  409. Kat Says:

    Hello all. Hope everyone is doing well today.

    I suppose I’m addressing this post to Helen, as she has been an excellent resource to me given that she seems to have experienced what I am currently experiencing, but advice from anyone who would care to offer it is welcome!

    Helen, you mentioned before to me that it took a great deal of time for your emotions about your partner/relationship to return to normal, but my question is this: did he know what you were feeling?

    I ask this because I haven’t been able to move out of the fear since it began, and I find myself becoming extremely anxious whenever I can’t muster that ‘loving feeling’ at times when it shouldn’t be an issue. Like yesterday, for instance, a day set aside for lovers, and when he took me out to dinner and gave me flowers, I smiled and thanked him, but inside I was a nervous wreck, mainly because the loving feeling I used to feel so easily was completely inaccessible to me. I wanted to tell him what I was feeling, but I decided against it because I didn’t want to alarm him or upset him. It was Valentine’s Day after all!

    He is not just my partner, but my best friend. I just want to know if it’s okay to be up front about what I’m going through, or is it something that could affect him deeply, damaging our relationship permanently? How did you cope with this situation? I will admit right now that I still find myself analyzing and worrying, but I am making an effort to stop it. As of now, however, I’m struggling with this. I still haven’t totally accepted that this anxiety, even though I have been reading that it is. It feels so real and is distressing, but I know you know how it feels. I just need a bit of reassurance and guidance, yet again.

    As always, thank you,


  410. T Says:

    EVELYN- been reading some posts and your post about your trouble with the mirror really caught my attention. I just wanted to let you know that you are absolutely not alone, and not the only one who has this awful, annoying and terrifying symptom. I had it for a long time and it wouldn’t go away, why? because I was so scared of it and was always checking to see if it went away and of course it didn’t. But then, I got sick of it and said to myself, ( not only say, but you relly have to mean it, feel it, as Paul says) I don’t care anymore, fine, I don’t recognize myself, so what, I still know I am me, I am not crazy so I don’t care, and would just continue looking in the mirror while feeling weird and detached and it just went away in time. Its caused by really high anxiety and dp levels, and I even read sometimes people that don’t suffer from anxiety can have that feeling , I remember I had it once for a brief moment before anxiety even started but the difference between us and “normal” people is that they don’t obsess over it and don’t get scared, but we become obsessed, we get scared we’re going crazy and cant stop thinking about that feeling so it stays with us. That same effect can be cause when you stand in front of a mirror and stare at yourself and soon you will get that feeling of looking at someone else. The point is its not harmful, it doesnt mean you’re going nuts, you know you are looking at yourself, your mind is just playing tricks and most importantly you ar enot alone and it will go away definatelly. hope this helps:)

  411. evelyn Says:

    your words are so inspiring, and helpful, i really thank you for answering my question, so happy to clear things up

    WOOOOOOOOOW , you have NO clue how good i feel after your post.. im am so thankful that im here typing away:) paul is truly a blessing, what you discribed is exactly what i have been feeling, you made so much sense, and also cleared things up, on alot of my symptoms… I know its too soon, but i can feel a small erge of recovery in my whole body, WWWWWOOOOOOW, am i feeling better:) thank you so much T, for taking the time to really help me with this advice, it sucks that so many anxiety sufferers, can be led with so much none sense, and one can go around thinking he is alone, i feel so blessed right now.. tears

  412. Helen Says:

    Hi Kat,
    My partner did know what I was going through, the way I was feeling and the terrible thoughts I was having. At the time, I told him for selfish reasons I suppose as I had to talk to someone and he was always the person I spoke to about everything, he is the person that knows me better than anyone. In the end though, it turned out to be nothing but a positive thing as he knew the reason why I was behaving the way I was, he knew that deep down it wasn’t him, even though I wasn’t sure most of the time. I don’t think you can through what you are going through without him knowing. You would turn to him about anything else but because of the subject you try and cope with this one on your own and this in itself creates a barrier between you.
    Communication is key so that you both know that feelings aren’t meant to be hurt, so that you both know that all you need is time and patience. My partner put up with a hell of a lot from me; constant crying, questioning, fear, sleepless nights and depression but he knew that this wasn’t me. He also knew that, if it was a simple case of me really not wanting to be with him anymore, I would have just left him. He knew the person I still was even when I didn’t.
    You must do what you think is right but for me telling him was nothing but a good thing as we got through it together and it has made us much stronger.

    All the best

  413. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Very good advice T and totally correct. Many people speak of this looking in the mirror and being scared that they don’t recognise themselves. I wont add any advice as you have covered it perfectly.

    The last symptom to ge for me was my tired mind. I would feel so self aware and find it hard to concentrate and hold any sort of conversation, my whole head felt totally heavy and spaced out. The mistake I made was waking every day hoping it had gone, then spending my day trying to force normal feeling! My mind felt so tired that I found holding a conversation a bind, as though nothing would go in. Also sometimes skipping through a book as my mind felt too tired to take it all in. I certainly worried and obsessed about the symptoms of my tired mind, but the more I worried and obsessed and made an issue of it, the more tired it became and the more self aware I felt.

    I learnt I must totally understand my mind was fatiqued and not to be scared of it nor try and fix it. I also had to go back and read every page of that book, not skip any. To go towards conversations and not pull away.

    I really thought I was accepting this feeling at first, but I wasnt, I was really bothered by it and spent most of my day either running away from it or hoping it would go. I no longer ran away from this feeling, nor wished it away and just totally understood that everything I felt was due to my tired mind, nothing else and once I took the fear out of it, it eased immensly.

  414. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Helen/Kat, I am putting a new page up soon on my main site entitled ‘Advice to partners’ I think it is really important that partners understand in some way, that they don’t think they have lost the person they met and at the moment they just need support.

    I go back to a lady who once emailed me many years ago. She said her husband had gone on and on at her to pull herself together , that it was all in her head etc, until she snapped and shouted at him ‘DO YOU THINK FOR ONE MINUTE I WANT TO FEEL THIS WAY? TO NOT SOCIALSE LIKE I DID, TO NOT SMILE LIKE I USED TO, TO FEEL UTTERLY DESPERATE EVERYDAY’ she said this stunned him into shock and from that moment he tried to understand and support her. I have said it many times in the past but I said to my mother and partner, ‘You may not understand, but just believe me’ luckily they were both very supportive.

  415. Jessie Says:

    Hi everyone, I’m a teenager with anxiety. A lot of my symptoms seem to have gone over the last month or so but I keep getting anxious thoughs such as what if I never get better, what if I get so bad suicide is the only answer, what if I am the only real person in the world, what is the meaning of life, why are we all here etc… I feel that sometime I have a clear mind and I can see these thoughts for what they are, but sometimes they hit me quite badly and I get like a luching feeling in my stomach as well as my heart sinking. I also sometimes find myself questioning everything as to what I am doing and I also keep getting this feeling of ‘I am me!’ I know this sounds very strange but I feel like no one can see inside my head as to what I am thinking. I find it hard to concentrate at school as these thoughts seem to keep running around my head. Can anyone else relate to this? Please let me know what to do! Thank you so much I really do wish the best to everybody on here and many many thanks to Paul for supporting us all! It is a hard thing to cope with and I think it should be somthing that everyone learns a lot more about as I think we wouldn’t be as afraid if we knew more about it! Thanks to anyone who takes their time to help it is much appreciated!xxx

  416. evelyn Says:

    hi lisa:)
    i have overcame this 7 years ago as well, the funny thing is that when i get pregnant it goes i guess because im so focused on the baby, and how to prepare for its coming, that anxiety is in the back of my head.. i am fully aware of why my symptoms came back, i was not taking care of myself like i use to, and i had a load of stress on my shoulders, i am feeling a whole lot better after having been involved in this site, and yes i too, feel quility that my kids will have it as well, but thats just anxiety talking, if they do have it, at least we have the tools to help them, i grew up with a really bad childhood, so you and myself must do the whole opposite:) we must nurture them along with our anxiety in hand, and know that in case they do have we can help!! i am working on my guilt as we speak, i always that i was different, it comes to find out its another ingredient of

  417. James Says:

    I am really going for it now, total acceptance and just living my life. I am super busy which is great as it provides me with ample opportunity to get on with life.

    I am finding it *very* hard to be productive though. I have to write a lot of text for a website right now, and just writing a sentence feels like pushing a boulder up a hill.

    Is this just because my mind is so tired?

  418. LisaP Says:

    Hi Evelyn
    Thanks so much for your words of encourgement!! I too can relate to no anxiety while pregnant!! A few years ago I lost a child, late term, which of course put me back in the “hole” ago. When my husband and I decided to try again, it was amazing how my thoughts went away!! I think that was a very telling moment lol, maybe this thing can be beaten. MY 5 y/o daughter just recently got over the flu. She was sick for several days, with fevers and so forth. One day she came running in to me crying saying ,”she felt like she was moving fast”, I had no idea what she was talking about. I asked her about her feelings, and of course she couldn’t really describe them to me. I just told her it was probably the Advil making her feel spacey. Which she had been taking for several days, and not eating much. I thought “OH NO!!” It’s me all over again. So maybe that’s part of my setback, worrying about her. But what’s so strange is that when the anxity leaves me, it leaves!! I seemed to physically know, when it’s done. It may last days, weeks. It has lasted months before. And then i’ve gone years whithout it!! This is one strange animal. When i’m in it, i’m in it, when i’m out i’m out.

  419. James Says:

    By the way, I would just like to echo what so many have already said, and that is what an excellent article this is. Probably one of your best blog entries to date Paul.

  420. T Says:

    Evelyn, you’re welcome:) it bring me some much joy that my advice helped someone even a little, because I know how awful it is when no one understands you and you feel so alone and scared. And how much it means when you come on this amazing site and someone listens to you and can truly relate to how you feel. The first step to getting better is to know that someone can understand you and that you are not alone in your suffering. This symptom will pass too, one day you will just realize it’s not there anymore, thats what happened to me, just accept it and don’t be scared anymore.Wish you all the best.

  421. James Says:

    To anyone,

    I think for me a big setback was taking xanax. I had some side affects that set me back I believe. Has anyone else taken this before?


  422. Debbie Says:

    Hi everyone,

    I have been visiting this site on and off over the past couple of months and it has helped me understand what I am feeling. I have ordered Paul’s book and am very eager to receive it! I believe I am in the same boat as many where I am not 100% convinced that what I am experiencing is solely anxiety. Have been suffering for 7 years, but only in the last year did I put two and two together when an ent I went to for dizziness suggested that there was something more going on and pointed to his head…meaning that my symptoms were not being caused by a physical problem. After doing a lot of googling, I found all of the bizarre symptoms could be caused by anxiety. And like many, the most troublesome for me has been the dreamy, foggy feeling. It makes sense that when I first noticed that, I kept asking myself day after day what was wrong with me. I know that the is what has kept that feeling alive.

    My question to anyone is even after reading that the dp is normal in our situation, do you still have a hard time believing that you are really reading this? In other words, I guess I feel that after suffering for so long, it is hard for me to understand that if I just accept this that it will eventually actually really go away. That it is too good go be true and that in my “dreamy” state, what I am reading is not really there? Sounds really odd what I am saying and I hope that I am explaining myself correctly. I am sure just another mind trick but I really question…”Is this really what I am reading or is it wishful thinking?” Does anyone understand this feeling? I really feel crazy at times!


  423. Wally Says:

    James – me too about xanax.

    That’s what got me in this deep pool of anxiety. I’m 9 mos. off and don’t know how much is caused by benzos or anxiety. They say it can take up to 36 mos. to heal from benzo use and it’s been a nightmare so far. Docs hand this crap out like it’s candy and tell you nothing about the damage it causes. Also all these sleep aids Ambien, Lunesta, ect. are just benzos reformulated, strengthen and remarketed.

    These devil drugs will take you for a tour through hell.

  424. Chrissy Says:

    Hi! I’m doing amazing! My racing/intrusive thoughts have pretty much gone. The shakes are very minuscule. The palpitations are pretty much gone. The DP is 98 % gone. I’m happy! I have happy thoughts! I do have a question for completely RECOVERED folks…did you kinda just “get over” anxiety disorder. Kinda like a bad breakup? It just doesn’t faze you anymore? This is how I feel. The one thing that bugs me is the feeling sick/tired. But then again I’ve been working my arse off lately!

  425. LisaP Says:

    Hi Chrissy
    I’ve had what felt like recovered times, and it was just like something just vanished. It’s a feeling inside you that says that whatever was wrong is not now, no questions, no doubts. And it seems that I suddenly feel like getting on with life, all my interest come back, I feel connected to the outside, outside of my head. That’s the feeling that scary, when you can’t get out of your head. And the further away I get from those feelings I can even think back on them, and not feel in the slightest bit inclined to be bothered. I actually have gone very long times, like years without even so much as an inpulse to spiral down again. And I even wonder how I ever thought that way!!! My husband is totally convinced that it’s a hormone, or some chemical imbalance thing going
    Enjoy and embrace every bit of peace and own it!!

  426. evelyn Says:

    HI chrissy:)
    im so glad to hear that you have overcame this, and the most horrific symptom which is the d.p, mine is getting so much better:) and i am hopeful it will leaved for good one day, with the tools and techniques from others here, do you have some advice about it, and how it lift you? how long did you have it for? again im very happy for you!!!!

  427. James Says:

    OK, I know I’m not impressed by symptoms, but I simply cannot ignore this. I’ve just been out playing poker with family and friends, because I know I need to get out and start living my life.

    But after 9 years of anxiety I’ve never had anything like this. I started feeling REALLY anxious, to the point where I was shaking very visibly and my jaw was trembling. I felt like I was about to lose it in front everybody. Everytime it was my turn to deal I knew everyone was watching my hands trembling really badly. I mean my whole body was shaking SO much, I’ve never known myself not be able to hide it a bit.

    This can’t be normal anxiety. And why would I suddenly get so much worse after all this time? Is it because I’m letting the feelings come or something?

  428. natalie Says:

    hi sarahs
    just wanted to say thankyou so much for your recent post to your post and it warmed my heart brought me to tears a little but tears of happiness that someone understood what i was saying and i was not alone. it reminded me that i was me.. natalie and not just an anxious person if that makes sense and i have been handling the situation a lot better since simply by distancing myself from the negative emotions and letting it go like you said. i have felt a lot more at ease. i think that sometimes we can tend to be too hard on ourselves and expect so much from ourselves forgetting that our mind just is not physically able to adjust at this time but is trying its best to improve if only we would give it a chance. i know things are improving when i look back even the fact that the positive posts make sense to me now whereas before they seemed it seemed so unlikely, i still get a little scared when i have bad days and know this is a fear i have to overcome but they sit better and i just wait until the next good day comes.. the guilt i can really relate to i feel it with my kids but then tell myself this is not forever .. it will get better and i have to just carry on untill it does and not waste brain energy on feeling sorry for myself or my boys..that not do them any good. for me its the paranoid thoughts i have to try and deal with.. its like i read so much into things and conversations but i also am aware this is angst and that if i just let it ramble without trying to fix it after a few days it settles and i can look back and see it ws a lot of rubbish.
    sarah candie scarlet paul and a few names i have not mentioned .. your posts mean so much to people on here .. you inspire and give hope because you have regained your lives.. i just cannot thank you enough i even think that pauls work should be public knowledge … when i went to the doctors in the beginning i was given a list of books to read to help.. pauls book should be on that list because it is the only thing that hit home and helped me stop some of the questioning and eased the fear.. we should all do some kind of campaign lol xxx good nite everyone and good bless xx

  429. evelyn Says:

    Hi james
    what u discribed is exaactly how i use to feel, i remember, not only did my jaw tremble, but it also had pain, and of course thinking one million things, i thought i was going to have a stroke or something, i remember my sister saying at the time, this was about 7 years ago, she said “why would a 21 year old have a stroke”? get that out of your head, easier said then
    done of course, lol. im no doctor james, but you said your letting the symptoms be? perhaps you still have a bit of fear, i felt that before, and ever since i payed it NO attention it has gone, i get it from time to time, for a quick second, cus i simply ignore it.. i know its hard james, im working on my d.p and im getting better, i have not experienced any physical sensations, maybe because im more focused on my d.p, that alone proves to me that any bad habit can be reversed, hope this helps james, feel free to ask me any physical sensations, i think i have felt allll of them..

  430. evelyn Says:

    Hi james,
    One last thing, keep going out with your friends, do not let that experience stop you from having your life back, thats exactly what anxiety wants you to do, so next time simply say, alright im going to have a great time wheather you like it or not.. and the more you ignore it the less it will happen;)

  431. KH Says:

    Hi everyone,

    I can really said that I am very much close to full recovery. My anxiety started 4 months ago when I begin having body jerks, and my mind kept on convincing myself that I am having a brain tumor. After a medical checkup and MRI scan, I was proven to be perfectly healthy. However, my anxiety did not stop there, and disturbing thoughts started coming.

    After stumbling upon this website and practicing all the techniques here, I can safely say that all the disturbing thoughts have gone. However, I still have this niggling thought that my memory is getting worse and I cannot concentrate. This caused me to kept on checking on myself if I can remember things, and create the fear that a brain tumor might me causing all this. I know that this is most likely caused by anxiety and highly unlikely to be any severe disease since I just had a checkup several months ago but I just can’t help it at times.

    Does anyone have similar experience or can offer any advice? This is like the last symptom to go for me.

  432. Ezra Says:

    Hi KH,
    I have experienced exactly the same symptoms, where it seems my memory has completely gone and I had to conciously check that I could remember things – dont, its just your tired mind playing tricks.
    I forget things very easily and sometimes feel I cannot concentrate on a conversations or jumble my words up and things dont make sense…..It is only a tired mind that brings this on, I ignored it and eventually it went away so just let it be. Your memory will feel back to normal once you stop questionning it.

    On that point, does anybody know why anxious thoughts actually feel so ‘real’ ? … it because they trigger an anxious response in our bodies ?

    Stay Strong :-)

  433. KM Says:

    How do people manage the dread? I struggle to get through most days, tend to feel better of an evening, but really dread the next day coming as i know what i’m in for with the level of energy it takes to get though the day. I dont look forward to anything, and feel overwhelmed about most things i’m required to do, ie work, social, kids sports.. How do people stay motivated? I’ve had two great nights this week where i’ve felt almost anxiety free, one one occasion i was with family and my sister had come back from o.s, the other was a few drinks with friends in a pub, but that was when i had a few glasses of wine and was able to relax, then i get all hard on myself for only being able to improve because i had a few drinks and it wasn’t anything I did myself. My dreaded symptoms are that feeling like your coming out of your body, and the dizziness, they always cause me to panic. I get down on myself and frustrated as i’ve recovered before ten years ago and i try remember what I did then, but it just feels so overwhelming all the time, like no relief!! Some advice would be appreciated :(

  434. James Says:

    Thanks very much evelyn :)

    It is good to hear that this is still just anxiety. I am so quick to panic that something terrible has happened to my brain circuitry or something :-/

  435. Kory Says:

    Hi KM:

    What you say is very true for me as well. I tend to be a little better at night, but really have to focus on the “now” in the mornings. It was interesting what Paul said earlier about his mistake of waking in the morning with the hope that the sensations would be gone. I know that I do that as the minute I open my eyes, the motors starts running.

    I too struggle with accepting the physical symptoms, muscle twitches and movements, a tense feeling throughout my body, aches and tightness in my hip and knee. All things that scare me about having MS. I am really trying hard to practice Paul’s teachings. To let it be and look at them in total, not as separate symptoms or sensations. I completely understand that the energy it takes to do that is overwhelming every day.

    Let’s have a good day together …


  436. James Says:

    I started to get eye twiches in my left eye every once in awhile and it’s been going on for a couple of weeks…is this normal?

    Also does anyone else struggle with your mind trying to convince your something that your not?

  437. James Says:

    I get eye twitches all the time from anxiety, James.

  438. Debbie Says:

    Wondering if anyone had a chance to read my post earlier. I felt so odd writing the question and feel so alone in this as I know no one personally who has felt this way. This is the first time I have reached out to other sufferers. So is feeling that what I am reading about recovery not real an anxiety trick. Or just self doubt that I can truly recover?

    Please help. Very desperate to get well again!

    Thank you,

  439. LisaP Says:

    Hi Debbie
    I do have a hard time believing that it is all just anxiety tricks..especially when my anxiety questions are existential ones. I have to step back from the questions and doubt to see that it is really anxiety. I can remember as a child that I would from time to time focus on sensations and to be honest I was a nervous type child. Underneath, a small illness was never just an illness, the sky was subject to fall…all it took was the right person to say something that seemed to justify my anxiety and I could be thrown for a loop. I can remember when I was a child that for one week I was afraid to go to sleep at night for fear that I wouldn’t wake up, that fear came following a funeral I went to. Well I overcame that and moved on. I don’t remember ever discussing it with anyone, I just dealth with it inside, which is my way of doing things, I always go straight to my head. So now I have these stupid sensations and questions with no end running around in my brain and constant ruminations about how i’m feeling, what I think, analyzing etc. I think focusing on that unreal feeling we get has led to the type of questions I have going on right now. Boy if I had someone to explain to me that is was anxiety that led to my physical sensations I would have not debilitated down to the loop i’m in. Maybe panic attacks, but not this existential loop. Boy this is a mess I feel im in!! The brighter side is that i’ve come out of it!!! So i’ve been out of it more in my life than I’ve been THANK g-D!!!!!!!! I’m in right now, just waiting for the storm to past so to speak, but each time is not easy. One time I did stop myself from spiralling down because I got sooooo angry with it, that it was creeping in. Maybe that’s the key for me lol!!! Over the past recent years i’ve had some really HUGE stressors so i’m not as emotionally strong as i’ve been in the past. Having to come to terms with other things in my life of which I also have no controll over. So no Debbie, you’re not alone :) I know it takes everything inside you to see that when you feel so trapped inside your head. My husband said once that the problem is that no one can get inside of you to fix it, he’s so true. You’re meserable inside your head, but also scared to get out of it!! I know, crazy making lol!! Please feel free to write again, we’ll all in this together :)


  440. Debbie Says:

    Thank you so much Lisa. I guess I just needed a response to make sure I was not truly crazy. I too feel that I have always catastrophised things as a child. Guess that is our nature. I too feel that if I knew years ago that this was anxiety, I would not have been in such a deep hole. I thought of anxiety being fear of things like spiders or heights, panic attacks and maybe fear of leaving their homes. I never had any oo those things except heights, but any way I would never have suspected that my somewhat vague but bothersome feelings were anxiety. And it almost seems that since I have realized it’s anxiety, I have focused on the symptoms more and they have gotten worse. This truly sucks! I wouldn’t wish this on any one. I have two kids that I love with all my heart but feel that I am not 100% there for them. Part of the guilt from aniety I guess. We lost a child ten years ago unexpectedly which I believe started this whole excessive worry.

    But thank you again for your response, Lisa. It means so much.

  441. James Says:

    i hate being a downer but it just seems like my mind isn’t letting this pass the way I want it too. Everytime I feel better something reminds me of what I went through and I feel horrible again. I should just realize that I’m just gonna have to live with this the rest of my life. Everytime I see the end in sight, I get pushed away even farther.

  442. LisaP Says:

    Hi James
    Ditto!! I’m experiencing the same thing. Even when I have a moment, and I do mean a moment of calmness, the negative thoughts remind me that I have this problem.


  443. Steveo Says:


    I think we are all in the same boat, but have to try not and fight it, as Paul rightly says.

    We need to try not to fix oursleves and try and live our day, using the ‘moments’ of calmness as a positive that we are on our way to recovery. Easier said than done, believe me, I know. Why this, why that, will i feel normal again… I suppose not if i keep questionning everything.

    I really like Paul’s April 2010 blog i think it is… sums us all up really.

    I’m also looking forward to the success stories!

  444. Michelle Z Says:

    I’m not one to usually ask about physical symptoms (I am usually concerned about scary thoughts), but I continue to experience this feeling of hot/icy cold feeling across my upper back and through my chest. My stomach will get hot feeling and then I feel nauseous. I don’t think I’ve ever seen this on here and as much as I try to follow this program, this just seems to want to hang on. On one hand, I feel certain it’s anxiety because there are times (like when I’m home in the evening) when I don’t even feel it. But at other times, like now at work, it just gets so intense. Perhaps I’m answering my own question. :) However, any thoughts y’all can offer would be greatly appreciated!

  445. LisaP Says:

    Thanks Steveo for your comments:) I feel that I now don’t have the energy to fight the thoughts/feelings. I don’t know if I’ve given up, in despair, depressed that I can’t resolve these feelings. I know we shouldn’t try to answer the questions and so forth. I feel totally consumed by it all. Maybe this will eventually lead to recovery as I’m not fighting so to speak? I mean its like something is on auto pilot inside!! Surely I ate something very bad LOL. I’ve never taken drugs, but I sure feel like I have, and it’s a very very very bad trip. I have learned that there is the “IT” that plagues me and then there’s the “ME” that contributes to it also. My husband is convinced that it’s got to be chemical or something. IF so, then what the hell chemical is it.


  446. Stephen Says:

    Hey all

    Thought id share my story to bring some positive hope to everyone currently suffering. I first suffered anxiety in May 2008 during my first year at uni. Although I was always a somewhat anxious and concerned person, it was just who i was and it never stopped me from doing anything nor did i ever see it as a problem…so pretty much normal anxiety that every single human being deals with throughout their lives (unless their apart of the Brady bunch)

    My initial onset started one day when I was on the bus to uni. I had quickly scoffed down my lunch beforehand and began to feel sick and like I was going to throw up. I started to panic, my breathing went all funny, my heart was jumping out of my chest, I felt dizzy, not with it, vague, sweating, coughing/dry reaching… name a panic attack symptom and I was having it. I had no idea what was going on, thought I had come down with a virus so went home and slept (thinking it was just a 24 hour thing) and was completely fine for another week. (Amazing how when I dismissed it as a ‘virus’ and gave it no more thought thinking it would just need time to heal itself it was completely gone and did not persist ) However a week later I had a repeat attack, right after eating and rushing into uni and this is when I started to get scared.

    From this point I fell deep in the anxiety cycle, every waking moment I felt so weird, detached from myself, angry, sad…pretty much like I was going to lose my mind. My mind raced all day, the thoughts i had were crazy and awful and i was convinced i was going to go crazy. Would try to think my way out of this hell, would always tune in to how i was feeling, question every single thought as to if it was normal to have or why i was having it. I Pretty much over analysing every single thought that went through my head. Convinced myself I had Schizophrenia , Bipolar, Clinical Depression…it was just one thing after another. My Mind was so busy with panic and worry i lost my whole personality for a while, was afraid to be alone, was terrified that i would be admitted into a mental hospital forever and that i would never be the person i use love so much. I worried that i would go crazy and hurt someone i loved, would do something stupid, these thoughts came with such force and made such a statement they almost seemed real. I got to the point where i would wake up most mornings feeling terrible (mornings where the worst early on in my suffering) and pretty much cry and say “what the hell is wrong with me”
    I found the website and ordered Pauls book which is where things turned began to turn around, although this happened for me very very slowly for me. I use to post on here heaps. I began to have some better moments each day although they were just fleeting at the start and still didn’t not fully believe i would get better. But what did i have to lose? Couldn’t possibly feel any worse. It was an up and down affair for me for the best part of two years, however I was improving so as long as i was making progress i began to not care how long it would take. I would have a few good days followed by 1-2 weeks of terrible days where i felt back to square one, or the other way around. (set back after setback) I just kept trying to live in the moment, accept but dismiss all thoughts that bothered me and my over analysing. I couldn’t even tell you when i felt ‘back to normal’ as there was no definite time. Things just lessen to a point where you seem to just forget about anxiety, you begin to invite new things into your life, you may not believe it again but you remember how to actually live and be happy again. It is very much a rollercoaster affair of ups and many downs. I use to have a positive thought like “oh yeah i can and will work through this, it’s not that bad, i know i can do it” and then i would feel quite good until i got a wave of despair come over me or a negative thought such as “ I’m going to be stuck like this forever” then my mood would quickly change into a depressed state, then i would analyse the rapid change in mood and diagnose myself with bipolar. – You can see how one thing quickly leads to another.

    Where am i now? Well I’m back to my normal self :) and wiser for it. I go where i want when i want, i travel, i love to spend time on my own…i do what i did before anxiety and more. Like i said above, i didn’t wake up one day and think “yup I’m recovered” I followed Pauls advice, invited new things into my life, put myself into the situations that i felt uncomfortable with, went out and socialised with friends even though i didn’t feel like it, nor enjoyed myself at the start and just began to live exactly how I did before anxiety. And one day i was back to my old self, living my life when I randomly thought “oh, I’m at peace with myself now” You will all learn you triggers when u begin recovery, for me it was ‘Being a tough guy’ bottling up all my emotions, holding anger towards people, trying to be someone i was not and not accepting myself. Years of this got the better of me, and it really is a build up of stress which can be about anything. When i have a bad day, or feel off because of life’s everyday stresses i just accept, don’t give it anymore thought because i know i will feel better shortly. One mistake i made during anxiety was believing that before anxiety i was happy every single day as i was so miserable. We need to remember that this is very untrue! We had good, great, bad and crap days but we never questioned them, just saw them for what they where and moved on. We just went through some devastating flooding here in Brisbane Australia and we were all affected quite badly. Before anxiety i would be the strong person who wouldn’t show any emotion to be everyone else’s rock, but now although i still support anyone who needs it i let my emotions out when i feel the ‘cup’ getting full so to speak and i did during this crisis we had.

    Sorry about my long-winded post, but i had completely forgotten about this website until just before as I’m on rest at the moment with a bludged disk in my lower back…yuck. You all can and will get better, just follow the advice here and be patient. I don’t think there is any set recovery time, mine was over 2 year, but once u learn the tools and apply them things will begin to turn around. I did not believe in my darkest of days i would get back to ‘normal’ but i am, so you all need to believe you can too.
    Scarlet was a godsend to me, thankyou scarlet :) your an amazing lady. I hope this helps anyone currently suffering, it does and will get better. Your minds are all waiting to recover, you just need to let them.


  447. Paulina Says:

    I just have to say this Wooww!. This really put a smile in my face.
    I am also soo much better.. almost there. but certanly this can be an up an down. I just have so obssesive thoughts hanging aroung and memories can bring some anxious feelings.. but there is no comparison to how I was three months ago.

    Thank you Steve and Paul for this site and the book.

  448. KM Says:

    Hi Steve,
    I’m in Australia too!! And i could of written word for word what you have described. At the moment i’m in the depths of it!! Every day is overwhelming and when i think i’m feeling better, i fall down again too! I’ve been through this before, ten years ago after the birth of my daughter, and it frustrates me that i know the tough road ahead, no you dont wake up one day and have it all gone, it happens very gradually and yeah i think about two years did it for me as well.
    Thanks for sharing your story of hope and courage. :)

  449. evelyn Says:

    WOOOOOW, what you described is everything that im feeling in full detail, except for the revovery part,lol. which one day i intend to succeed, i am so happy in a weird way that all the crazy thoughts and feelings you had, i am currently experiencing, and now you have recovered:) i know deep inside that its all anxiety and its nothing like a reral mental disorder, but the feelings are so BAD, that sometimes i fall into the false feelings, i must say i can accept them much better than i did before i found such a life saving site.. i am way better with the crazy thoughts, they are coming less and less frequent, ive always had anxiety but not to the point where it was going to mess up my life like the past 6 months, but with all that i have learned through paul and people on here, perhaps im thankful, because now i can handle things in a different manner, even when im over my anxiety, just normal daily stressors, its funny because i have the flu right now, and i can handle it in a positive manner versus before, i would of though ” oh my god” what if i die, etc etc, sorry for the long post, right now the only thing thats terrifing me is my d.p and detachment, ughh its did you ever experience this feeling?? well stephen i am so glad that you have recovered, and i hope one day i can too:) i want to help others from this horrible false sensations:(.. and one thing that will be on my to do list that you mentioned helped through you recovery was, to not measure recovery just to accept it as it comes, i really enjyed your post:)

  450. Lesley Says:

    how lovely to read your positive post, think sometimes a few happy positive posts just give us a boost were looking for, was nice to hear your recovery time was over 2yrs, I often worry that it’s taking me a long time (got pauls book last june) have been following advice for bout 6/7 months and have seen lots improvement and am doing well it’d just sometimes you read how people have recovered after few months and you start th think “hang on a min why arnt I” I know we shouldn’t put a time limit on recovery but it’s very difficult not to when other people are recovered so quickly, I do know that it does depend on your attitude and how long we’ve had to live with anxiety, mines 3yrs so shouldn’t expect to better overnight. I’m up n down up n down but goin from not havin no ups to now can be few days at a time is a good feelin to know I’m doin somethin right lol.

    Lesley. X x

  451. SI Says:


    A big thank you for sharing that possitive note, Got a lump in my throat right now just happy in the thought that “YES” we can all recover. The time scale to recovery reasures me that anyone can get better. I’ve had it for 2 years now and if I look back to my early days, gosh I was in a real mess!!

    Just a note for all those, whom like I was maybe 6 months ago before Pauls advice……. I know, you’ve just read Steve’s note and are in total despair, your now starting to get anxious because you think you can’t do it!!!

    Well take a deep breath :) and deep in your heart understand that in 6months, 1 year, 2 years, 4 years… as long as it takes, you will get to the stage where life is treating you kind again (or should I say, you are treating life kind, YOUR LIFE)

    Don’t get me wrong, my moods are all over, but like all the recovered people, it’s up and down, but so what :)

    Chin up


    Oh and by the way I’m into 4 days without my meds and feeling OK’ish :)

  452. SI Says:

    Just looking back at my post…… Look at all those smiley faces, I’ll be glad to see the back of this web site (Just joking Paul, could not be where I am without it!) :)

  453. Jo Says:

    Hi Paul and everyone,
    Not sure if you remember me as I havent been on the site for a long time now, as Ive been doing so well the last year or so, but have now hit a major setback, and am feeling pretty rubbish.
    I have recently started a new job, (one ive wanted to do for ages), and have taken a while to settle in, (im a nursing assistant in A&E), but last week I felt like I was really getting the hang of things.
    After I had 5 days off, I woke up really early monday morning, in such a terrible panic, with all the old feelings of anxiety back, more intense than Ive felt since I first became ill in 2007, the racing mind, palpitations churning stomach, and an awful burning sensation that started in my tummy and spread up to my chest, arms and face, I felt awful!
    But I struggled into work, but after half an hour of being there, i felt very sick and had to run to the toilet, and was sick, and had diarrhea, my stomach would just keep churning and churning, I eventually gave in, and went home, and have felt awful ever since, Im struggling to get any sleep, I seem to be waking up at about 2 every night, in a terrible panic, and then thats it for the rest of the night.
    So I thought id look up the site again, to remind myself what im doing wrong, and it has been good to read all the posts, and to realise im not alone.
    I did buy Pauls book, when I first came here, (that was before it was in book form, and I downloaded it from the site, I printed it off and put it in a folder) but do you think I can find it now?! (id loose my head if it wasnt screwed on lol).
    Ive been looking back at some of my old posts, and I can see how well I did before, so I know I can do it again, Im just panicking about going back to work on monday, I told them I had a stomach bug, as I didnt want them to know about my anxiety.
    I know I need to face the fear and go into work regardless, but I guess I just feel a bit like ive lost my way at the mo, and need a little guidance, Im so afraid of losing my job, its taken so much for me to get it.

    Sorry if this post seems a bit of a downer guys, just wanted to get some encouraging words, from all the nice people on here.

    Thanks for taking the time to read this, take care all,
    Jo xxx

  454. natalie Says:

    great post stephen, again giving hope to the masses :) the big about accepting your self is very true, you think you have to be a certain way etc to be accepted .. and ou are basically telling yourself to go against yourself which i can immagine causes lots of stress.. really relate to that one. even now that i am progressing .. the bit i stuggling with at the min is being accepted. i would say that i suffer paranoid thoughts more then scary thoughts now, immaging that people don’t like me, doesn’t stop me trying to make friends and i will be the first to start a conversation, but then leave if that person doesn’t speak to me the next day whatever i start to tell myself that its because they think i am strange or weird .. can be quite upsetting . presently in a situation where i am trying to fit in with the mums at school as they are all making there friends and whilst i can chat away to may i don’t feel i fit in or belong with any in particular and that causes me worry and stress .. its like i tell myself i am not a good person and that people don’t feel comfortable around me.. i know paul tells us to not worry and i do try believe me but finding it a little hard at the moment. other than that just carrying on with my life.. need to get soome interests and some thing that gives me a feeling that i am worth while i think x
    on a positive note i no longer find i think so much about the angst .. more about everyday stuff and have started to care about my appearance again and wanting to meet up with friends and re kindle old friendships i have neglected. just need to be more patient i guess and soooo glad to have read stephens post !!! thankyou

  455. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Great post Stephen, can’t say I remember you, but so many pass through it’s hard to remember everyone.

    Your post shows why it is so hard for me to give recoverys times, but people do need to take that pressure away and it will come in it’s own time and creep up on you. You will have to go through the ups and downs and a it’s a great post on how to accept the ups and downs and not feel the need to rush back for comfort on a bad day/week, they happen, smile at them.

    So many do come through on here, but most don’t come back to the blog, they are too busy living, so thanks for sharing.


  456. evelyn Says:

    Hi Paul:)
    i had a question, sometimes when my d.p is very high, things seems strange to me as i start disecting them, like for example my husband seems weird, i strart to question wow hes my husband? and i start feeling very detached and even more weird, also when u had anxiety did songs replay over and over in your head,? if i hear a song i will carry it on and on all day until i engage i something else and then i think oh wow the songs gone and then it comes ahhhhh i must say it has gotten better, but still distressing at times, thank u soo much

  457. Stephen Says:

    Paul – Yeah it was only by chance i remembered about this site as im resting an injury and was thinking about things i could do lol. I literally was on here every day at my worst, many times a day…goes to show that as horrible as anxiety is we can move on and live the life we had before. Everyone helped on this blog during my suffering so posting something back was the least i could do.

    Glad my post brought some positiveness to you guys :) i know when i was in the depths of despair i would love to read a recovery story and would feel quite good for a while after.

  458. KH Says:

    Thanks Ezra for sharing this with me.

    But I am really afraid that I will forget everything. It’s like very often I forget even some of the simplest things, and I will become very worried. I have tried not to pay any attention to it but it just seems very scary that my memory has deteriorated so much. I am quite worried that it will worsen and I will end up forgetting everything. (and I am only 23!)

    Can anyone shed some light on this to me? I have previously went through a very tough journey to recover from disturbing thoughts, which I have succeeded. However, this has hit me very hard and I am looking for some re-assurance.

  459. Clara Says:

    Great post Stephen….!
    thanks for coming back and letting us know about your gives us so much of faith in our recovery…

    Hi Natalie
    i can very well emphathise with how you are feeling…!! those were the same kind of feelings i had couple of times…and it seems so natural to have those thoughts so forcibly that we take them seriously…
    i too had them and even before meeting someone my mind is already programmed to the state of feelings where i think that i am a bit odd in responding naturally hence they may feel uncomfortable being in my company hence i should be more patient with them or act in a certain way, to be liked…(this seems so real) and all our actions seem to be reassuring this thought making it more and more real…

    the best thing to realise that its an anxious thought is if something is bothering us relentlessly…drop the thought acknowleging its a negative one we may not feel its an anxious one sure we can say its a negative one about ourselves…y dissect it?..whatever ur doing bring your mind to the present moment on what ur doing or just remind urself to be there at PRESENT..then we realise we just got looped in our ‘thoughts’ — our creation…!! which is NOT TRUE AT ALL…

    for me mindfullness is what helped me to releive me from the bounds of ‘thoughts’ otherwise i get carried away and feel awful about me in the end..!
    so drop the paranoid thoughts…and carry on with the present moment…the more and more you do this the less and less we get caught in our thoughts…!
    on a daily basis u carry on with your daily chores, watch interesting programmes, groom yourself(as u said) go for a walk, then talk to someone without expecting anything….

    hope it helps a little Natalie…

  460. Amanda Says:

    Hi Evelyn, i know exactly how you feel i am suffering badly with dp and dr at the moment its got that bad i am suffering with it most of the day now its the worst feeling ever especially as 5 weeks ago i was doing fairly well. i was back at work and felt i was coping ,then i had a setback and feel worse than ever ,you say you look at your husband and he seems strange i have that feeling even my own home feels strange its like i dont know myself or where i am, sounds daft coz i know who i am and where i am its just a very horrible feeling no wonder anxiety makes us feel like we are going crazy ,just have to keep telling ourselves its a sensation an offshoot of anxiety easier said than done beleive me i know.

  461. evelyn Says:

    Hey Amanda:)
    i guess there are so many who suffer from the same thing, i know its only anxiety, its just the feeling is so horrible that i start to boubt it!! sometimes i must admit its better than others, but since i have the flu it seemed to have gotten a bit worse, i try to read how theres tons, of people on this blog that have felt the same exact thing and now they are over it, but i then tell myself well maybe they are not as bad i was”, so then i think i have no hope:(,
    i must admit since i have had it for 7 months now it has gotten a bit better, but then that only takes me 2 steps back, i have suffered 10 years with anxiety, but not the intense feeling of d.p. and d.r, i start to dig in my mind and try to dig how was i before i came down 7months ago, and the funny thing is that it feels like i was always like this, but deep inside i know i wasnt, because then i would not be able to live such a normal life all these years, so i guess in sum, thats the way of my mind playing tricks on me as well, i hope things get better for both of us, us people with anxiety believe it or not are really good people and strong we just under estimate eacother!!!!

  462. evelyn Says:

    Hi Paul:)
    Just wanna let you know that, i feel very depressed and teary, the flu, and then my husband tried giving me a cough medicine, so i asked him” whn does it expire?, not that i would ever think he would poisen me, lol. the thing is sense he does not have anxiety, he rarely fears anything, i admire him so much!!! so he shouted.. “IM TIRED OF YOU THINKING AND ANALYZING EVERYTHING’, i just started tearing, because i myself am tired of always being this way, he has helped me so much in the past, but lately hes been annoyed, paul i know he is so overwhelmed, and i am too, then thoughts ran through my head like well perhaps im never going to get better, and he deserves to be happy, hes out going, loves the kids, and is always out and about, living life, lately it has only been them and not me, i rather just stay at work cus i know ill ok, as when i go out in public, i get BAD unreality feelings and i mean BADDD!!!, i feel so bad that im willing to give him up just so that ge can be happy, cus i feel hes in mysery here with me:(, CANDIE, SCARLET< or PAUL can u please answer me, did u guys ever have the same feeling?? , just to let u guys know i dont know its a bad thing, but im starting to get angry at anxiety, because it has robbed me from SOOOO much in my life and in my families as well

    Sorry about the negative comments, its just what i feel at the moment:0(

  463. LisaP Says:

    Hi Debbie
    I’m soooo sorry for your loss ten years ago. I too lost a child, late term pregnancy about 10 years also. And of course that led to me being in these thoughts again. Being in the hole led to a delay in the greiving process for me. I even went to a therapist who was convinced that I was having these types of thoughts because I had just lost a baby. I don’t blame her, anyone would have thought so, even though I tried to tell her that these were two separate things, as I’ve had it before in the past. But it did delay the greiving process. What’s so amazing is that once I decided to try again with pregnancy, I instantly felt better!!! The thoughts did not have merit lol!! Go figure :) So I don’t know, I seem to be all consumed by them from time to time and then I can go years without them at all. I’ve had some better days since I had a setback a week ago, so maybe i’m moving through it to the other side.

    be well

  464. LisaP Says:

    Oh Debbie
    I also wanted to add that I wouldn’t have thouht this was anxiety as I have totally different sensations when I’m worried about normal things. This is a different kind of animal lol!!


  465. sally Says:

    Hi Si
    Just to reassure you I am expieriencing the same as you on waking,its like adrenalin spikes or as you say mini panic attacks,I never used to get this and I try not to pay it too much attention but its just another symptom of anxiety I don’t like

  466. Clara Says:

    hello everyone…
    just stuck in the rut…!there is a strong sense of inner voice telling me not to do anythign..( i know its anxiety after coming to this site, initially had no idea why only me has this strong sense of negative playing in my head)
    the part where i am struggling is though i know it is anxiety my mind cant focus on the outside..even if i am talking i am so careful not to make any mistakes..i can carry on talking for hours if i want…but my complete attention is on me hence whatever i feel towards the otehr person i feel i am making it up..hence feel i am so artificial because i cannot feel my genuine feelings and hence feel bad about myself….
    anyone felt the same…? not able to shift the focus from me and how i feel..!

  467. SarahS Says:

    Hi Natalie

    Thanks for your reply to mine! You’re getting the hang of it, I can tell by your posts. You also seem to be a similar personality to me and some of your experiences and feelings have been the same as mine. I think for some of us it takes a little longer than others, ups and downs, two step forward, one step back and this can be quite hard at times. I see also that you doubt yourself and want to rush things a little, you are doing the right things you just need a little more practice at coping when you don’t feel great which will happen. Just keep trying, you are doing well and bit by bit it will happen, you’ve already said that bit by bit you are improving so carry on, try to see a positive in every step even when you are feeling a little off, it’s a chance to practice allowing it to be there and not paying it much attention.

    With regard to the moms at school, don’t try too hard. Go, smile, be friendly and chat if you get the chance but don’t try to be someone you’re not at the minute, being yourself is just fine. You haven’t got to weep and wail in front of them but it’s okay if you’re a little quiet or not made a firm school mum friend, go with whatever happens on that day that you take your kids to school. Maybe invite one of the moms round for a cuppay when you invite one of your boy’s friends round but overall just be yourself and don’t feel like you’ve got to try so hard to be this wonderful mom, wife, friend, person, work colleague etc etc. You are just you are the moment, maybe a little quiet, teary at times, but that’s okay you are allowed to be.

    You are doing well Natalie!

    Love Sarah xxx

  468. sally Says:

    Hi Clara
    I too am focused on myself when with company its like I am standing on guard waiting for IT to come back and of course IT does because I am so tense.I hope that this will improve I have had some success in just ignoring my anxiety.

  469. Amanda Says:

    Evelyn i too have suffered anxiety a long time ,finding this site has made me realise i have had anxiety since the age of 18 im now 42,but most of the time i have coped with it no dr or dp just the odd panic attack but in those years i have broke down badly with it 5 times, it seems like i am on a 5year cycle with it breaking down every 5 years this time i have been suffering since july after suffering a bad panic attack i carried on working for 2months until september when i just couldnt cope anymore and went off sick for two months in that time i found pauls book and it helped me get back on track went back to work,but had a really bad setback couple of weeks ago now i have given into anxiety yet again and gone back on the sick really struggling at the moment guess i am still learning,ialso have that feeling im worse than everyone else and that it must be something else when deep down i know it is all anxiety and i also know i am just making myself worse thinking like this very hard habit to break .

  470. Si Says:

    Hi all,

    Just wanted to say that I had what I can only describe as a near normal day yesterday, and what a releif it felt…. even did a bit of karaokee with my daughter in the loft, I had what I can only describe as a feeling of not being bothered. Just did things without even remembering questioning them. It was if my whole day was just normanl (ish)

    But today….arhhhhh, feel a bit lost again, have not liked Sunday’s for years, hate the slow relaxing atmosphere, so went to Meadowhall with the family. Only I still felt quite low and down, not bad enough to be anxious, more down because I did well yesterday and didn’t do anything different other than get on with things.

    Just letting a bit of frustration out, I know the answer, it’s just and up and down affair, been here so many times, and here I am again. It’s judt I dwell on feeling down and it snowballs again.

    On a more possitive note I am now 5 days with out meds!!! And I don’t feel any worse, probably a little better actually.

    And no matter how bad I feel I am not going back on them :)


  471. evelyn Says:

    hey amanda
    ive had anxiety since i was 16, i am now 28, for me it has just been always tense, lived a normal happy life with a few panic attacks here and there, and always being scared for what the future holds in front of me, up until last july when i got a huge panic attack, followed by d.p and d.r, which is by far one of the worse symptoms, i feel pretty good today, i guess because i got alot of sleep last night, a good night sleep always makes me feel better, u said u d.p? i thought i read a post prior were u said you did have it?, well any how i know this is all just anxiety, because when i first gotg anxiety i had d.p, for a while because then i got pregnant and then it went away, i guess beacuse i was not paying attention to it as much as i am now, i was more focused on my baby and making plans for its arrival, i still carried anxiety but not the horrible feeling of d.p. i find myself thinking like u as well amanda, where i say hmm maybe im worst then others here, they have anxiety and i have a mental illness, ?? but deep down i know we dont, because we sitting here typing normally, if we were ill we would not try to get help because we would not even realise that we need it, one thing that helped me was the above message from stephen, how he now fully recovered, i though yeah but maybe he did not have my symptoms so i looked the through his prior messages in 2008 when he was dispret in need and yes he sound just like u and a matter of fact he wa on there more frequent then we were:) so although we are suffering right now what we need is time.. time .. time ..time… we will get better i know we will

  472. Si Says:


    You’ve just made me smile :)

    Researching Stephen’s history and past post….. well I can tell you something, you’ve saved me having to look myself… because I was thinking about doing that. No one is worse than me :) I know it’s not true and I am getting into the mind frame of “I CAN AND WILL GET BETTER”

    Tiny steps, some back some foward and even some sideways one’s… but steps!!

    Thanks for making my smile though


  473. Ron Says:


    I am having the hardest time breaking out of this cycle I am in with my anxious thoughts. I have this nagging thought about the validity of religion and if God exists ever since watching the movie Religulous. I know I am sensitized and that’s why I had such a strong reaction from the movie but now this thought just nags me all day and night and I feel like it’s something I truly need to get to the bottom of although I’ve thought about all this stuff before when I was healthy and it never bothered me. Now my thoughts race all day and my attention is stuck on me. I’ve read your book and I believe I understand everything but I am having the hardest time believing this thought is anxiety based and will go away when I recover. I guess I just don’t understand how these thoughts are anxiety and I don’t understand how they will fade. Could you please help? Thanks


  474. Amanda Says:

    Hi Evelyn i know both you me and everyone on here will get better like you said it just takes time and allowing yourself to get better when i said i had no dr or dp that was when i hadnt broke down with anxiety ive suffered badly with it each time i break down like i am doing now so i know exactly hw your feeling right now thats funny you say about having a mental illness well not really funny but you no what i mean ive convinced myself i have every mental illness going. good luck with the baby hun you have something postive to focus on there take care x

  475. evelyn Says:

    i am happy that i put a smile on your face, i know us anxious people get happy with the smallest piece of evidence because of how horrible we feel.. but ine day we shall all get better i know it

    i must say today was a pleasant day, i went to a baby shower and even though my d.p came along it did not ruin my night, i was able to participate in the games and eat and enjoy a good time:) d.p was always there but not very strong, or maybe because I did not fuel it with fear, i had know odd or weird thoughts, that to me is a BIG step, im hoping it can only get better, but will be prepared for the set backs because im sure for every good theres a bad, until true recovery comes:)

  476. Rosemary Says:

    Hi all
    Have been having a great time recently. Have been socialising loads and enjoying it to. I find when I am socialising I pretty much forget about me and how I feel, however in the last few days I have this really heavy chest and my stomach is in knots. It makes me feel really sick. I know that this is anxiety playing tricks again.I feel so close to recovery it feels like anxiety is making a last attempt to get me back. When I feel bad nowadays I sort of accept it and just get on with things, although that can be really uncomfortable. I think I remember Paul saying when he was close to recovery the feelings became more a nusiance than a problem and thats how I feel although they can still make me feel really nervous and edgy. Mornings are still my worst times but I just try and move on from it. I have booked loads of things to look forward to aswell. So to re-cap, things are getting better even though I have those horrible feelings in my stomach etc. Onward and upwards. xxx have a good day

  477. sally Says:

    Hi Amanda
    I am the same as you in that I have had anxiety a long time since my teens and I am 60 this year I gave up on doctors a long time ago as the answer does not lie in a bottle of pills,in the last couple of years I discovered Pauls book and Claire Weekes and it is true what Paul says understanding helps so much,until the book no one ever explained what was happening to me.Although I still feel awful some days I do get peaceful ones now I am learning to accept and give up the fight with understanding.
    Best Wishes Sallyxx

  478. Si Says:


    That’s great news, I too don’t feel as bad when I am in company even though I do still envy people for “feeling normal”.

    Maybe I’ve asked this question before, but did any of you that have recovered have issue’s with envy? It’s like I get down just trying to think of something to do. I see people going to the gym, going out drinking, planning holidays, just getting along in life.

    I am trying so hard just to accept it as a feeling and telling myself it’s just anxiety. Over the last couple of years I have done things wrong (from bad advice) like going to the gym. I was going in order to get rid of these feelings, however sometimes it made them worse and now although I want to go to the gym cos I have put some poundage on I am not happy with, it brings back some sad moments. Especially the times I used to go and walk straight back out cos I just couldn’t do it. But like I said, I so envy people who have that “BUZZ FOR LIFE” because I was once that person

    The anxiety is easing more day by day, the crying (and for a 40 year old bloke) every day is far and few between, the sadness is still there but again not so strong.

    Just popped into the doctors to get a repeat prescript for my son and bumped into the GP that I used to spend hours crying infront of. He put his self out to ask if I was ok, I put that chest out and said, yes thanks, very well how are you…. he smiled, I felt a lump in my throat/ I am so sensitive :)

  479. james Says:

    Hello everyone, I haven’t been on over the weekend because I needed a small break. I’ve been doing good and then days where it creeps back. Lately my new problem (it seems like it never ends) is my fear of getting in a relationship and dealing with kids. I guess the fear of commitment scares me and don’t know if I’ll be ready to the point when I go out and see children I get nervous. Is this normal? I feel like Once I overcome one problem my mind thinks up of another strange problem and I start over a new cycle.

  480. evelyn Says:

    i think what you are describing is normal, i have those feelings from time to time, especially
    when im at a party and i see everyone having fun, its normal to envy them, but im sure once we recover we will have fun and enjoy life just like them:) i even have some anxiety tapes where recovered people with anxiety were talking about their own recovery, which one lady said when she had anxiety she wished she had a broken arm or leg instead of having anxiety, she also said she envy people for being “normal”, so i believe what you are feeling you can pu it under the anxiety unbrella:)

  481. james Says:

    also has anyone else experienced your anxiety causing you too think you’ll become something your not? I get real nervous that my mental state will take over my life and i’ll constantly worry all the time.

  482. evelyn Says:

    i also feel that way, sometimes on good days i feel ok, im geeting better, then on my bad days i say well perhaps im never goiing to get better, this is going to be me for the rest of my life, im going to be miserable while the world continues to be happy, but im sure if we really think reality, this is just anxiety, and im sure the thought feels so real that you start to believe it, lets just not add fuel to it so that it can disappear just like any other symptom

  483. james Says:

    Thanks evelyn, yea it’s just so frustrarting it’s like everytime I get rid of one thought/feeling anohter one comes in and consumes me for awhile. I just need to man up and move on, I can’t take living like this…just gotta keep thinking I’ll be fine and get better. We can do this ! :)

  484. evelyn Says:

    hello paul
    i read some of your advice from 2008, on your previous post and i had a question about hoow you discribed d.p to someone, you said you can get it from different things that happened in life like war, anxiety, and things happening in your child hood.. i believe mine is from anxiety and bad child hood.. Now i know you can recover if its due to anxiety, but can one recover if its through bad child hood memories?? because you also mention that people who have it from child hood memories tend to have bouts of it through out their life?? and one last thing you also mentioned that some people can lower the sensation or come right though it like you did!! im sorry for the mixed questions i just wanna educate myself of the subject??? so what i really want to know is can everyone recover know matter how it was brought on, this feeling just really scares me and depresses me, im really trying hard to accept it and not give it so much energy but its so hard:(.. today i am going to the gym, im really trying to ignore it.. please help paul i reall would appreciate it:) you words always pick me up at least for a bit

  485. Jo Says:

    Hi all,

    James, I can kind of understand what you mean when you mention the thing about kids, I have 2 children, and I love them more than anything, but when my anxiety is really bad, (as it is at the mo), I get in a panic about taking them to school, and then I worry about when they come home, how will I cope getting them their dinner, and helping them with thier homework, which in turn makes me feel guilty, Its a horrible feeling, but I have to tell myself its just anxiety playing tricks on me.
    I think thats what you have to tell yourself, that its just anxiety trying to trick you, easier said than done tho!
    I hope this helps, its been quite a while since ive been on the blog, as Ive been feeling well for a while now, but have hit a rather nasty setback, so it was a great comfort to be able to come back here, Paul and everyone are all so helpful, thanks guys xxx

  486. Jo Says:

    Just wondering if anyone has had trouble with insomnia?
    Ive always been a really good sleeper, but since this latest setback, I have been getting about an hours sleep each night, the rest of the time, I just toss and turn, feeling pretty awful, I seem to just start nodding off, and then I wake up in a panic, and this goes on all night!
    Just wondered if anyone has any suggestions on how I can occupy my mind, in the middle of the night, I think things are always worse at night.

    thanks again guys xxx

  487. natalie Says:

    hi jo
    not sure how long you have suffered but thinking it is early days because what you describe is how i felt in the beginning, the reason you feel like you do is because your nerves are sensitive, and working overtime giving you all these uncomfortable feelings, then because they are strong your mind is trying to make sense and because you do not fully understand is throwing up all sorts of scary thoughts. But mark my words jo you will get through this.. you will cope with the kids better than you think and you will get through this stage in time. i look back now and a think omg how did i do that .. but your love for your children will see you through and in a way keeping busy with them will give you a focus. just try and trust that this will fade in time, that you cannot rush it and the more you allow it to be there the easier it will become .
    as for the sleeping have you thought about getting some sleeping tablets for a short period to try (from the doctor) hopefully get you back into a pattern of sleep, i did this at the hight of my angst and it helped a lot.. just to get some much needed sleep helped me feel more positive!obviously this is not a long term solution and its your choice but never feel unable to ask for help or support where you can get it. i hope this helps jo .. i to have two young boys and can relate to your responses but they are happy to have you just there you are doing the best you can please do not be to hard on yourself.. you will get better i promise, i not fully recovered but just reading your post has shown me i have come so far .. i never would have thought i could sleep again or enjoy my children or have a normal day again .. just keep telling yourself this will pass one day and it will xxxxx

  488. Amanda Says:

    Hi sally , you say you have given up on the pills i think thats where my problem lies i have been on them for a long time not strong ones dothiepin when i am at my worst like now i take 3 at night then when i start to feel better i only take one every other night and then the doctor wants me to come off them completley and its weird coz every time i try this within in a couple of months i break down again its like in my sub concious there my crutch, and like you sally no one had ever fully explained to me what was wrong with me until i found pauls book just dealing with a bad setback at the moment but trying to stay positive, x Evelyn glad your having a better day ,i think once you have had the baby you wont have time to think of yourself and your anxiety will ease i to have had a bit of a better day the dp and dr wasnt as bad but i suffer badly with agitation its more uncomfortable when i am around people even my own family not a nice feeling at all suppose i just need to relax more. x

  489. evelyn Says:

    hi amanda
    im not pregnant, lol perhaps i explained myself wrong, i said when i got pregnant with my first child, my d.p went away:) sorry i didnt explain right, how are you, how are you coming along with ur anxiety and you d.p? did you read stephens story above, it was very soothing? i have the flu right now so it seems like my anxiety is bad because im scared im not getting better, well hopefully wee all overcome this monster, its so annoying:/

  490. Stephen Says:

    Evelyn – Yeah i sure did suffer from every aspect of anxiety, all my old posts were pretty much done when i was at rock bottom towards the end of 2008 and into 2009. I think my biggest problem was when i found i got some relief from this site and it made me feel better i could a bit carried away with it posting every single little change i had, every concern just hoping someone would reply saying “oh i have that too!” or how to remove that symptom. But you cant ‘target’ lose ur symptoms…its not like working on muscle groups in the gym lol. With pauls acceptance approach just see it as one thing regardless of all the symptoms. We all know anxiety manifests its self in like a billion different ways but like the doctor always said “treating the symptom does not treat the problem” so accept it, see it as just one whole thing regardless of all the different feelings you have and like paul says (which i should of done in my early suffering days) take a break from the blog from time to time. Although there is so much information on here it will be a slower recovery process for you if you surround yourself with anxiety all the time. (was for me) This allows you to have days where ur not constantly reading about anxiety, get out and do what you would normally do before anxiety. Will you feel anxious? probably, will you think about anxiety…yup i dare say you will but the more you do it, the more you get these fleeting moments in the day where u just for forget for a moment, and they’re great and really encouraging for the soul :)

  491. Stephen Says:

    James – read the post i wrote to evelyn above about not trying to remove each symptom/thought/feeling one by one. Inregards to that ‘mental’ state and feeling like you’ll change forever was a big thing for me too. I use to anaylse everything, i couldnt even hold proper conversations with people because i was only ‘half’ there and thinking about my condition all the time. You cant and wont think your way out of this, so just let it be there and do what it wants. When i began to recover, probably abit over the 1.5 year mark i got to a point where i thought “yeah well if this is as good as i can get i can live like this” and i was having average to good days, some bad moments and days but accepted this might be me forever and that was it. I kinda got bored of it i guess, i would have a thought/feeling or whatever and i’d pretty much roll my eyes at myself and say “yeah im bored of this” and left it. Just go out, socialise, invite new things into your life even if you dont feel like it, or you dont have fun. i can whole heartedly vouch for that saying ‘fake it till you make it’

  492. evelyn Says:

    i am so glad you replied i thought u would never come on here since you are i cant wait to finally get where you are at now, i am soo happy for you, from the bottom of my heart, can i tell you something funny?? i looked through your old post in 2008, and yes you were on there quite often, lol. but thats when i felt good to know that it is possible to recover:) i felt soo good ur old feelings are mine now. so i know one day i will get there with acceptance and time!! this is the most ive ever learned from anxiety in 10 years that ihave it off and on.. i am truley blessed, thanks so much for your reply, and for taking the time to answer my question, the only thing i have troubles with which has gotten better is the detachment and d.p, but i know deep inside its anxiety:) Thanks stephen from the bottom of my heart

  493. Stephen Says:

    No worries evelyn :) The fact that i bulged a disk in my lower back has given me alot of time to do nothing, so its only by chance i remembered to come back on here at out complete boredom lol, oh and one more important thing – when i suffered i always thought if and when i did recover i would always look back at this as a terrible memory and would aovid the subject and the past all together…its actually quite the opposite. although i felt the worst i have ever felt in my life during my anxiety i see it as something i learnt so much from, i can honestly think back to it with no negative emotion.

  494. evelyn Says:

    im glad you feel positive energy for something that was so horrible, im going to take you advice and not come on here as much and just live life as if dont have anxiety:) i caome on here everyday even if i dont post im constantly reading which still brings me back, i have improved soooo much, i sleep better, my negative thoughts are not as powerful and i dont dont fear them as much, and paul is right the less you fear, the less they come.. soo right, who what of thought?? i am still waiting for his book anxiously, as it speaks in full with d.p.. can i ask you stephen what did you do when you felt d.p or detached??

  495. Rosemary Says:

    Hi Stephen, Helen.Paul etc
    I am definatley on the road to recovery but feel like I have hit a brick wall. I go out and socialise, I go to work and enjoy it almost all of the time but I have this heavy tight chest and feel a bit low, when this feeling subsides its like something has lifted and I am back to myself. I sort of think as you said maybe I could live with this feeling now but perhaps if it could lift just a little more it would be more comfortable. Did you find that you got to the stage where things were almost there but this edgy feeling just wont subside. It lingers in the background reminding you all the time that you have anxiety. In the early days I felt sick and couldnt eat (I now eat really well, maybe a little too well ha ha ) I couldnt sleep,nowI sleep well, I used to look at other people who were not anxious and yes I was envious but now that doesnt enter my head as alot of the time I can laugh and joke and enjoy my social time the same way I used to. I just have this horrible tension in my chest and while its there I think “this thing isnt going away”, it reminds me how awful the last few years have been. I am able to put it behind me but some days its such a pain. Any suggestions????

  496. Ross Says:

    Hey everyone.

    Came in for a wee update in my progress. Feeling a lot better I’m still mastering acceptance, Some days I can accept any feeling on others I really feel my dp is getting worse?? I’m ok with it , it’s just so annoying. Anyone else have this?? That in recovery your dp got more strong ?? Also i feel A bit depressed but that’s better than no feelin!! :)

    Any advise would be great. Maybe im still impressed by dp? It’s hard not to wen I feel so numb in my head, like all I can do is see out my eyes emotions, no thoughts , nothing. How do u become ok with that??

  497. Ron Says:

    Just wondering if anyone could help..

    I keep having these obsessive thoughts like “why do we exist?” and “whats the purpose of anything we do and why does it matter?” and “is there a god?”..just crazy deep thoughts that i know have no real answer but they seem sooo real and it feels like I need to answer them to go away which i think is impossible..what exactly is this? are these thoughts real? i have made alot of progress in my recovery but the thoughts are truly the hardest thing for do i dismiss them when they seem so real and shout all day? and will they really go away when i recover? any help would be awesome..thanks

  498. Michelle Z Says:

    Hi Stephen, Paul or anybody who will respond – The thing I seem to struggle with the most anymore is going back and forth between obsessive scary thoughts frightening me again or depression. I was in the midst of a setback with the thoughts a couple of weeks ago and since I let that go instead I’m struggling big time with depression. I don’t see too many people talk about that on here. It’s almost like everyone is afraid to talk about it, which believe me, I understand because it feels like crap. I chose to not take medication for any of this, but sometimes when this depression gets bad (and then I begin obsessing over it), I wonder if I should. I know Paul’s method works with this, too, because I was doing better with it. And then WHAM! Back full force. Please any thoughts, suggestions, encouragement would be greatly appreciated. I’ve had two health professionals tell me that the depression is because of the anxiety. But sometimes I wonder if it’s something more.

  499. evelyn Says:

    i think u could be experienceing a bit of depersonalization, and derealization, because during my highest times of it, i questioned the same exact thing, and believe me u will get NO answer, so just try to ignore it just like ant other symptom.. they start to turn into obsessive thoughts, and you began to go deeper into them, until theres is no way out.. when they come in your mind, just let them be there and do dont an any more questions or fears, and they will start to come less frequent, i still have them from time to time, but now im finally accepting that ir has to do with anxiety, and any thing that has to do with anxiety im starting to detest it, beaCUSE im not foing to let anxiety ruin my life anymore, i think enough is enough, im not recovered, but im moving foward!!!

  500. evelyn Says:

    sorry about the spelling errors, im typing really

  501. evelyn Says:

    hey ross,
    im glad you are feeling a bit better, i am to thank god:) i still get d.p as well, but you know what i have done that has helped?? going out doing more, i went to a babby shower on the weekend, and usually im looking at everyone questioning, i wonder what they feel, or how does it feel to be like them? or when am i going to get better.. so i felt d.p of course but not enough to ruin my good time, i was ingaged in converesations, and then i would think oh man i havent felt wweird, and then of course it would come back, im starting to find out ross that it is just a BAD HABIT, because now that it doesnt scare me it is starting to come less frequent, and less force:) and i am so thankful of that, i guess what made it worse for me i sthe fear, because i would add so much that i really felt i was going crazy!! and now from the bottom of my heart i dont fear it like before, i think ok you are here beacuse i have anxiety, and when i get better you leave, and i move on with whatever i have to do, work, clean, cook take care of the kids, so since the biggest fear was loosing my mind because of it, i now know that im not, i have read sooooo much
    about d.p and i am sure it is ANXIETY, and that has helped me look at it differently, im not cured ross but im not adding fear, really from the bottom of my heart, another thing that just helped me a bit was the gentalman stephen, who was just like you and I, and he fully recovered:) trust me rosss he got better, it just took him time and acceptance:) sorry for the mixed feelings and sentences.. hope we both get better

  502. Amanda Says:

    Hi Evelyn sorry i must of misread your post and thought you were expecting sounds like your doing alot better good luck with everything x i am having a pretty crappy day dont think it helps because i have been off sick again and now im wondering if i did the right thing, but then again i couldnt cope when i was at work , has any one ever packed in work due to anxiety im wondering wether this will help because im worrying already about having to go back to work in a couple of weeks and if it will make me worse , i know we all struggle with anxiety its all bad, but some people do suffer alot more than others and i am at the bad end of it and cant really hold a conversation with any one not even my family its like been trapped in someone else.s head i want to talk and have fun like most people do but feel like something has been turned off sorry for be negative i know one day i will be back on here fully recovered but right now need advice , hope every one is doing ok .

  503. Amanda Says:

    sorry about writing some people suffer more than others we all suffer just sometimes in different ways x

  504. Michelle Z Says:

    Hi Amanda – Have you read Paul’s book yet? If not, perhaps you can order the download copy and get it right away. I did and found it very helpful. I think most of us feel that nobody else has it as bad as we do. But the reality is that anxiety is anxiety. Read about it and learn about it and you will find that, although, it feels really bad, it can’t hurt you. It really can’t other than feeling very uncomfortable. I know you can and will beat this. But the way to do that is to accept that it is only anxiety and to get out there and live your life. Part of living your life is going to work. Believe me, I know how hard it can be. There have been many days and/or periods throughout a work day, where I feel so bad, but I know the answer is not to leave. That only enforces the anxiety and ends up making you feel worse about yourself. We all believe in you and know you will beat this. Hang in there and know you have lots of support here!

  505. Paulina Says:

    Hi Paul,
    I’ve been comming here for a few months now and actually i am so much better.. 1000 times better after reading you book and the blog.
    In a way I feel fortunate that this just started about 6 months ago and I was able to find your help soon enough :)
    I sometimes still get d.p and some obssesive thoughts but they dont bother me… and I feel that is memory that keeps on bringing them out.

    Anyways, I would just like some insight from you or any other member that want to respond to me. Ever since my anxiety/panic started I also started to “suffer” from high blood pressure which was actually what triggered even higher my symptoms. So the doctor made me control it for a month, and still is high. I was explaining to him that I get very anxious whenever I get it taken, therefore my results comeout high. He said that even if the high b.p is because of anxiety I now have to take this drug to bring it down.
    I am a young girl who shouldnt be “worrying” about this. BUt now I am so sad that I feel anxiety is affecting my body.. f that makes sense.
    So now I have to continoue monitoring my pressure daily which I am not so happy about.

    I just wanted to let my thoughs out as I have been kind of sad and somehow dissapointed at myself. as if I am harming my body because of my anxiety.

    Thank you for any advise that you all can provide. and sorry for the long post 😉

  506. Amanda Says:

    Thanks michelle i have read pauls book and it really helped me and i did go back to work for 3months, then i let myself get in a state and had a really bad set back felt worse than i had done before and i gave into it again felt like depression had hit me felt so weird and horrible and cried every day , im going to read pauls book again thanks for the support .

  507. scarlet Says:


    Lovely to hear that you are doing so well. Glad I could be of help to you :-)


    Regarding the mirror issue. I had this for a while (am long recovered now), and it freaked me out as well. Like T said the sensation was so odd, i kept on looking in the mirror all the time to see if it was still there, and of course it made me worry even more when it didn’t disappear. It’s not that you don’t recognise yourself in the mirror, you see yourself alright, it’s that you are seeing yourself devoid of emotion (due to all the overthinking), and as we are normally ’emotional beings’ this is an odd sensation indeed. No worries it passes when you pay it no heed, as does the dp.

  508. evelyn Says:

    awww. thanks scarlet, your words are soo soothing, i must admit the mirror thing has gotten a whole lot better, i struggle with d.p. but still i feel good days and bad days. overall though its been progressing and im pushing anxiety by making peace with it, this site has truley helped

  509. LisaP Says:

    Hi Ron
    Evelyn is right. You’re probably questioning those things because you’re feeling some dp. That’s how I started!!! Boy if i’d known what I know now, I could have saved myself probably from my current questioning. Just know that those feelings are from anxiety and DO NOT analyze them. Those questions are seriously a no end loop, as are mine. Yours and my quetions are really nothing that hasn’t been ask before, things of religion and philosphy, it’s just the anxiety wants to make it a bigger deal than it is. Anxiety also makes us think that we must find the answers NOW. I think sometimes, all this drama just because of some weird FEELING i was having lol!! I think the dp along with the thoughts are a horrible match. The dp seems to give validity to the thoughts. My thoughts over the past few days are subsiding, I still feel the weirdness, that I’ve decided to ignore. There have been times today that i’ve completely forgotten about myself. So don’t worry at all about the feelings and you’ll be just fine!!

  510. Hannah Says:

    Hi Paul – thanks to your site I am making great progress after years of suffering from anxiety/panic attacks. I still have good and bad days but I just carry on with things and let it flow through me.

    The reason I’m posting is that I have a son who has drug/alcohol addiction and has started to get very severe anxiety and panic attacks. He struggles to leave the house and attend appointments with his GP, keyworker etc, sometimes he gets in such a state he is actually physically sick. I try to give him the advice I’ve learnt from here but he doesn’t seem to be able to grasp it at the moment.

    I am very worried about his mental/physical health and would be grateful if you or anyone else could advise me on the best way to help him.

  511. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Just to let everyone know the success stories are coming over the weekend, latest Monday. I will probably put them on the main site or split them 50/50 on here, I recently updated the book and added many in their, I will post the ones I think are the best of these on the site.


  512. mike h. Says:

    Hi guys,

    Just wondering, how are you supposed to get over anxiety if every couple days there is a new obsession. My anxiety happened after a trauma. Ever since then every day there is a different form of ocd.

    can’t stop obsessing about shadows, two days later: can’t stop obsessing about sound, A week later, Can’t stop obsessing about Time.

    I mean I know you have to let the thing run it’s course. But every day there is a different obsession, so it really seems like it could never stop.

    I still have faith, but these thoughts are annoying.

    any tips

  513. mike h. Says:

    any tips or advice would be greatly appreciated.

  514. LisaP Says:

    Hi Mike
    Just wondering if you’ve adequately dealt with the initial trauma itself? In a case were there was initial trauma, past emotions could certainly contribute to the anxiety? Good to hear you’re still keeping the faith :)

  515. evelyn Says:

    i am pleased to say that, i am starting to change my attitude towards anxiety, i received pauls book today, which was great i really have not got a chance to go into it because i was at work, so ive been having my “SO WHAT” attitude and it has helped alot, after work i went to the gym, and yes of course all the anxiety ingredients came along, my friend d.p of course, dizziness, weird feeling, out of touch with it, and the weird thoughts, i ignored them , i was not going to mess up a good work out, plus i was doing a salsa class, which had my FULL attention, so i was not attending my lil, i do not want to get all excited, as i know i will have bad days as well, but just to have ONE good ONE, is more then ,enough for me, any more good days are just extra, thanks paul ur tools are amazing!!!!!!

  516. scarlet Says:

    Hi Mike,

    “Just wondering, how are you supposed to get over anxiety if every couple days there is a new obsession. My anxiety happened after a trauma. Ever since then every day there is a different form of ocd.
    can’t stop obsessing about shadows, two days later: can’t stop obsessing about sound, A week later, Can’t stop obsessing about Time.
    I mean I know you have to let the thing run it’s course. But every day there is a different obsession, so it really seems like it could never stop.”

    I remember feeling exactly the same, with different obsessive thoughts each day, I had just conquered one and there was another, and I wondered how I could tackle each and every one, it was such a tiring prospect. One day I was afraid of knives, the next of crossing the road, the next of getting on public transport, the next of picking up my baby, the next of stepping outside the door, oooo the list was endless when I look back.

    Thing is you don’t have to tackle each obsessive thought/fear individually. As you pass one hurdle you grow stronger and other thoughts/obsessions when they appear diminish with intensity as well, know that when one thought/fear has gone, a strength is installed within you that will help you with the next fear, and having followed with this pattern of not being concerned about your thoughts/fears for a while, then future ones (when they appear) will not phase you either.

    Just remember to do more of what makes you feel uncomfortable. The more you do this, the quicker you retrain your brain not to be fearful.

    Hope I made sense here.

  517. Kory Says:

    Hi Everyone:

    I haven’t been on for a while, but thought I would give an update. I last week I felt pretty good and was really able to embrace the “let it be” attitude. However, the last couple of days have been pretty rough. As I noted in my earlier posts, I have these physical symptoms that really get me down. My most concerning right now is aching, tightness, cramping in my left hip, thigh, knee. My mind has me convinced that it is MS and that the test / MRI done by the neuro were not the right ones that would have caught anything. I think today is a big day for me as to whether I am going to keep spiraling or whether I am going to suck it up and decide that it will just have to be. I am really trying to embrace Paul’s words that the symptoms need to be thought about as a whole, not individually. This one just really has me spooked.

    Any words of advice would be appreciated.


  518. Jo Says:

    Hi Natalie,

    Just wanted to say thankyou for your reply to my message, it really helped loads.
    I was prescribed some antidepressants by my G.P. on monday, and they have really helped me with the insomnia, and just as you say, getting a good nights sleep makes soooo much difference!
    Its good to hear you are feeling better, and that you are able to look back, and see how far you have come, I hope you continue to do well, as I hope we all do.
    Thanks again, take care, Jo xxx

  519. Jo Says:

    Hi Amanda,

    I was just reading your post about going back to work, and I can understand what you mean completely, I too have been signed off work for a couple of weeks, and had been getting myself in a right state about going back, (I had only just started the job 8 weeks ago, and its a job ive wanted for ages, in the A&E dept at my local hospital) but now I am starting to feel a glimpse of feeling better, I know I will be able to go back, even though Im pretty sure my anxiety will be pretty high!
    Do you still enjoy your job?
    I wonder if you are dreading going back, because you dont like your job, which would be totally understandable!
    If you do like your job, then I would say its just the anxiety playing tricks on you, and if you keep your faith in yourself and carry on with Pauls method, you will loose your fear of going back to work.
    I know how hard it is for you, brcause I feel the same, but im not going to let it get the better of me!
    Stay strong, I know you can do it.

    Jo xxx

  520. Amanda Says:

    Hi Jo, I do enjoy my job i am a community carer and have been doing it for over 4 years i really enjoy looking after other people, its just i am not doing very well at the moment i cant even hold a conversation at the moment let alone look after people , because i let a setback bring me back down , but i can tell you jo when i went back to work after been off for two months i had to go to a back to work interview and i sat outside anxiety sky high and i nearly turned away, but i didnt i went in and felt very sureal but i got through it and you will too ,i just wish i hadnt let the anxiety get the better of me again then id still be working x

  521. Michelle Z Says:

    What does one do about exhaustion? I think that’s a big part for me. I’ve never stopped working nor doing everything I need to do. But this week I just feel exhausted…and have had moments of not being able to go on. I’m sure if I could be doing everything without obsessing and worrying about different things that would help the exhaustion. Would this be true?

    Kory – I think you’re doing great! Keep up with the “let it be” attitude regarding your concerns about the different feelings in your body. Since you’ve already been checked out and been told, you are okay, hold onto that and go with the “whatever” attitude. You can do it!

  522. mike H. Says:

    Just wondering, Paul, or anyone else.

    did anyone hear suffer with the feeling that their body wasn’t being controlled by them and hyper aware of certain normal bodily functions like licking your lips, swallowing or breathing? Recently just clenching my fist or moving in bed can be so weird because there’s like a delay between my brain and my movement…i don’t know. Please help

    I mean, I looked this up, and I know it’s depersonalization but I really need some encouragement or affirmation that this CAN GO AWAY.


  523. evelyn Says:

    mike :)
    i believe this is a symptom d.p. i also have felt this before, when my d.p was sooo high, i still have it, but not as intense as before, i no longer fear it, i now understand it and why i have it, its just anxiety, and with acceptance it will go away;) i too would question reality, and how we do things, dont mike,its nature, you will get no answer, people who dont have anxiety also question this, they just dismiss it quickly and do not fear with anxiety, start to obsess over it.
    were it starts to go around and around, again i still get it, but i followed pauls advice, and really really believe its just anxiety and it does get better, and in the end will go away:)whenever that happens just say so what, and do you normal activities, let me tell you something i once read, you can not have d.p without anxiety, but you can have anxiety without d.p, keep your head up mike , you will be alright, trust me my d.p is way better, and i can only imagen what recovery will feel like!!!!

  524. Jo Says:

    Hi amanda,

    I can totally understand what you’re going through, as we have very similar jobs, I know how hard it is when you are having to care for others, when feeling awful, I always worry im not giving my patients the best care, because im so wrapped up in myself!
    I also, have massive feelings of guilt, I feel like Im letting my work collegues down because im off sick, and I worry what people think all the time.
    When I was signed off by my Dr on monday, I was sooo worried about what my boss would think of me, it just kept going round and round, in my head, I was convinced she would sack me, after all I had only started the job in January!
    When I got home from the Drs, my daughter said my boss had rung, which made me fly into a panick!
    I rang her back, and she was so lovely! she was worried that it was the job that had made me ill and that she hadn’t supported me enough!
    I cant tell you how relieved I was when I got off the phone!
    I know that when I go back I will have to have the back to work interview, and I know it will make my anxiety bad, but I know Im not going to let it get the better of me.
    Working in a caring proffesion, is a hard job at the best of times, but add to that our anxiety, and it can sometimes feel impossible to carry on at work.
    Its good to hear you enjoy your job, as do I, and I imagine you are good at it too, so dont let the anxiety take that away from you, you just have to be strong and keep practicing accepting, and you will get there in the end, I have sometimes thought maybe I should give up work, on the days I feel awful, but I always come through those times, and I know going back to work is the right thing to do.
    You are doing so well, dont give up, you can do it!
    take care, Jo xxx

  525. Ian Says:

    Hi there folks. I’ve been good and largely bad of late.

    I’ve a question. I have been spending WAY too much time scouring the blogs for information (lost of posts by Kashawn). But I am getting myself wound up with how two approaches can be reconciled. I am analysing everything, and stuck in my head, watching every thought etc. etc. (and etc.). The few moments I have felt better have been when I have just ignored what is happening, tried to really focus on what I have to do (I mean REALLY focus – very hard indeed), but then I think – is this ‘accepting’, allowing ‘it’ to happen, embracing, or is this pushing ‘it’ away. I don’t have a definative hold on what ‘it’ is – it doesn’t seem concrete enough (loads of symptom the most bothersome being incessant thinking and analysing). Basically I think I confuse myself with paying it no attention and embracing – I can’t figure out how to do both! When I do what I think is ‘letting it all happen’, I am letting all the analyzing happen and really do just spend the whole day, and night, with constant analysing thoughts. As soon as I think anything at all, I begin to analyse it, how can I ‘accept’ this analysis – it literally seems to shut me down, withdraw, unable to connect, concentrate, focus outward etc.

    To keep things negative (sorry) just had my first CBT session on the NHS, months after seeing the doctor about it. Standard CBT stuff, practice mindfullness, keep and anxiety diary etc. I really don’t think this is going to help with things at all to be honest, but it feels like a big decision for me to cancel the rest of the sessions – anyone have opinions? Guess it is my own and an indicator of how I see what I am doing.

    On a positive note I have joined the gym here at work and have been a few times, enjoying it (not without anxiety I should add), and am committed to doing more long distance cycling. I have had a few days where I have enjoyed things/life but as I say above confused about what I am actually doing to achieve this.

    Look forward to those positive posts Paul.

    Take care all.


  526. LisaP Says:

    Hi Ian
    I think I know what you mean. I feels like if we just let the questions happen we are validating them. We feel that we surely must “combat” them, which only puts us in a loop. No answer is good enough or settles the questions. When in fact, the questions aren’t really the problem it’s the emotions behind them. I really had to own this and change my way of looking at it. There really isn’t anything new under the sun, no question that hasn’t been ask before :) So the thoughts aren’t the issue, and I had to make a distintion between the emotions and the thoughts. I also saw that “it” was giving me grief, but that “I” am also contributing to my mysery. So i’ve been just letting “it” do it’s thing and not adding extra worry to it, and let me tell you it’s working!!!! You can do it, and you will get through this :) And then you’ll wonder how you ever worried in the first place LOL!! Once I realized that it wasn’t my mind, but my emotions that make all the difference. Takes the scary out of it for sure :)

  527. Paulina Says:

    Hi Scarlet, Paul, Stephen.. and you all!
    I was just wondering if you have any comments or insights about my post from the 22nd. !
    Thanks :) !

  528. Amanda Says:

    Hi Jo , i used to feel like that going into a panic if work phoned , my problem now is i dont panic anymore i dont feel anything just numb and not with it and im convinced i have depression , i have this feeling all the time even at night time,when i went off work last time i didnt feel this bad and had a bit of respite from it at night , i feel lost at the moment and the only emotion i have is when i cry, and not to blow my own trumpet i am good at my job coz i love looking after people .shame i didnt look after myself and with all my heart wish i was there right now but i am not in the right frame of mind to go back at the moment hope you are doing well Jo and wish you all the best x

  529. james Says:

    Hey guys, haven’t been on in awhile becasue I feel allot better. I feel like I’m almost there just need to overcome a few things. And the main thing for me is when I over hear something on the radio or on tv about someone getting hurt, or something else horrible I get worried and feel like I’m stuck thinking about it. I find myself skipping channels to avoid certain programs beacause I don’t wanna hear that news. Do any of you experience this type of problem?

  530. Ron Says:

    Hey guys..just wondering if this is maybe an anxiety symptom..a lot of times throughout the day but mostly at night my left eye will just go completely out of focus..some weeks it happens and some it this anxiety based? Thanks


  531. james Says:

    also has anyone else experienced any trouble with there personal relationships, such as getting “in the mood”. I don’t know maybe if taking xanax over a month ago has caused some problems but I just feel different, it’s hard to explain and a little embarassed to bring it up, just wondering if anyone can help.

  532. evelyn Says:

    i had that before, its because you are very tired, and have not received the proper amount of sleep, our eyes have muscles too, and so if they are tired that will happen, even before i had anxiety, that would happen if i was studying before and exam, the thing is since our nerves are senstised right now, we obsess and think its serious, so yes ive had it, but not anymore ever since ive been sleeping better, just ignore it and throw it under the umbrella of anxiety:)

    yes i have experienced that before, when you are under stress your hormones are not balanced, but once they start to go back to normal, you feel normal as well, just dont obsess about it,, and it will then come

  533. Helz Belz Says:

    hey, just another thing, am sure its just anxiety but just wanted to check in with it. but has anyone had the feeling that they’re not in control of their arms and legs? like when i’m walking or doing work its like they dont want to do what i tell them properly. i’ve been to the dr and she doesnt think its a problem with my nervous system (which i was freaking out about really), but my shoulders and legs especially dont feel they’re working right. its hard to explain really, like i tell them to do something and they do it, but not very well. its probably that my nerve/muscles are tired from all the adrenalin they’ve been getting the last few months, and getting very shakey when being used, its not so bad when resting. am sorry to be posting this, i know thats not the right way to be recovering from anxiety at all!

    Ron, I’ve had that too, often happens in the evening, and its the left eye too! am beginning to wonder if adrenalin affects the ‘weaker’ side of your body more than the ‘stronger’ side, ie I’m right handed, so my left side is weaker and the majority of my anxiety symptoms are on my left side. I only get floaters in my left eye for example.

  534. james Says:

    Hey Ron, I get twiches in my left eye every so often so I also agree with helz belz it’s gotta be something with your ‘weaker’ side.

  535. scarlet Says:


    You mention that you are worried about your high BP. When I was suffering they put me on beta blockers for a few months and I was 7 months pregnant at the time. If this is what your doc has prescribed then no worries hun, it’s prolly only temporary. I read some interesting research that drinking beetroot juice lowers blood pressure significantly half an hour after it’s drunk (and is equally as good as any medication). It’s to do with the nitrate content. I have given it to my hubby many times. It sounds yucky but you do develop a taste for it.

  536. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    O.k the new pages have been finished by me today, my eyes are hurting now so I will have to stop. The pages inc success stories and advice to partners and family will be up on Monday. I will start a new blog post and place the links on there, it works better than copying and pasting into the blog.


  537. Clara Says:

    Hello everyone

    can anyone help me on this? i have noticed that while doing my routine chores or even while watching tv , reading or even while talking to someone my mind always keeps a watch on how i feel…i was always like that i hardly noticed that was the reason i wasnt able to express myself freely…
    and not just that.. my mood sulks most of the time and i used to wonder why i feel depressed and dull all the time…
    i feel stuck at this point..dont know how to go ahead as i am doing everything that i should and i dont have any panicky moments…
    but there is always an apprehension or 24/7 sulk feeling within me taht i dont know how to get over…
    i have been following as to not get impressed by the way we feel at any time…but even without my knowlege my mind is on constant thinking mode which i find it hard to stop and thats the reason why its effecting my mood and happiness big time…making me a depressed person…
    any suggestions?

  538. Steph Says:


    Your post really resonates with me. I too have just had my first CBT session, after a few counselling sessions through the GP. Also struggling with how to reconcile the two (or three) approaches. I’m finding it helpful at the moment though to think about the CBT and Paul’s approach as helping to deal with the symptoms so that I can get to a point in the future where the anxiety has eased to the extent that I’m thinking clearly enough (and not obsessively!) to look back and think about what might have caused it, and what changes I might want to make in my life. But yes, completely understand the tension between the different approaches, and I’ve been pretty obsessively researching it. I’m not sure labelling everything as simply ‘anxiety’ and disconnected from any root causes or things going on in your life is the whole answer, but I think it’s probably a pretty good way of dealing with it when you’re in the midst of it?

  539. michelle z Says:

    Hi Clara, I totally understand what you are going through. I 2 trouble with the depression part of anxiety. I know that getting out in living life and accepting the feelings of depression works. that’s what I did back in the fall when I first read paul’s book. and it worked. I’ve recently experienced a setback and have been doing all the wrong things. I’m hopeful someone will give us some words of encouragemen. hang in there! we can beat this!

  540. Paulina Says:

    Thank you for your response. Well I started today with that medicine to lower my B.P. I honestly dont know if it is a Beta blocker… just that it is a low dose and is called metropolol. Its funny that I started with this “problem” after my anxiety developed, and that is why is has been so difficult to get an accurate result as I get very anxious every time i get it tested.
    I do have to admit, however, that I am getting all kind of annoying thoughts about taking this pills and get questions like : what if my b.p gets too low and I pass put or something really bad happens because of them. Its kind of silly I knowwww.
    But I am def gonna look inot the beetroot you mentioned.
    Oh man its gonna be along month before I have to go back to my doc with the new bp results… I just wish everything normalizes so I can move on and forget and not obsess about my health anymore.

    Thank you again! :)

  541. scarlet Says:


    Yes that’s a beta blocker. I’m sure it’s only a short time you will have to take it. Do google beetroot juice, I can vouch that it does work. My BIL is a heart specialist and has done tests on my hubby before and after drinking it.. A quarter of a glass per day is enough.

  542. Michelle Z Says:

    Scarlet – Can you please address the depression/low mood issue (see Clara & my posts just above)? We’re just looking for affirmation really. I’m still in the low mood, but handling it better today. Doing my best to let it be there if it wants, but focusing outward and laughing and talking to people. And finding it does help. When you forget what you are learning here and have a setback, it really is awful. And I get down on myself because I feel like I will never get better. And I know I have to stay in a more positive place and tell myself that I can and will overcome this. Thank you!

  543. scarlet Says:


    For me the depression was the last to go, and to be honest it lingered a while, that and the numb nondescript feeling. I promise it goes if you continue what you have been doing. Low mood is just another learned habit that takes time to overcome, and you do this by living life as you did when you didn’t suffer anxiety/depression. Try and interact with other folks whenever you can for a bit of brain retraining back to regular thinking, even if you can’t concentrate 100% and revert back to inward thinking it doesn’t matter. Imagine you are chipping away at a brick, each time you socially interact you are chipping away a bit, each time you engage yourself in work, hobbies, watching a movie you are chipping away, reading the newspaper, listening to music, anything to stop the inward thinking you are chipping away. Eventually this new way of thinking (or old as the case may be) takes over. Accept that depression is part and parcel of it all and know that this too shall pass in time.

  544. Michelle Z Says:

    Thank you, Scarlet!! You are awesome! I find that’s the last to go for me, too. Well, sometimes the scary thoughts will slip back in, but the depression just feels so crappy. And what I’ve done the last couple of weeks is tell myself that I can’t do this, I need meds, I’m falling apart, I can’t handle this, blah, blah, blah. And no wonder my mood has been worse and worse. I felt just a tiny bit hopeful this morning and that I can do this. And now you have confirmed that. For some reason, it seems like there is not much discussion on here about depression. And I began thinking it’s because nobody else has suffered with it. So accept, accept, accept and get on with living. I work full-time and so am blessed to be around people, but sometimes when my mood gets low, I struggle to make it through the day. I’m in the office today by myself and don’t usually enjoy that because of the low mood. But today I got here and cranked up the radio and have been singing and doing some dancing whilst working and it is helping a lot! So I am going to put the focus outward instead of on me. Onward and upward! And again thank you!

  545. Jo Says:

    Hi all,

    Ive been reading the recent posts, about depression, which has given me loads of reassurance, I have been in a setback for a couple of weeks now, and although my anxiety is massively better, and I am finally sleeping thru the night again, I also have been feeling really low the last couple of days.
    But I know that this is just a temporary thing, and will go eventually if I keep on accepting.
    when I look back over the last 2 weeks, I realise how much better I am!
    I still get the odd scary thought or feeling, but I am able to accept it alot easier now.
    I also feel really lucky having such a supportive family around me, my hubby has been fantastic, as well as my daughter, who has been so strong for me (she is 14), and been there when I needed a cuddle.
    It will be good to read the new post from paul, with the part about support for family, I know my hubby likes to read the posts now and then on here, so it will be nice for him to read something aimed at him.
    I hope you are all doing well, and enjoying your weekend as best you can,

    stay strong.

    Jo xxx

  546. Michelle Z Says:

    Now that I have your attention, one more question. I know we are supposed to put all symptoms under the one umbrella and call it all anxiety. However, I have been experiencing for months this burny hot feeling across my upper back, upper arms and sometimes around my chest. And then my stomach will get hot and sometimes nauseous. It drives me crazy and seems to get worse when I’m low. Would this be considered from the anxiety as well? If so, it’s like the last symptom to go and I’m sure it’s because I’ve had a difficult time just letting it be there. Thanks, Scarlet, or anyone else who may be able to help!

    Glad to see such a positive post, Jo! Keep up the good work!

  547. Paulina Says:

    Thank you so much for that!. I did found the good results beetroot has had on lowering B.p. I wonder if it I should wait until im done with this other med or maybe takethem both simultaniously. But I have been tying to relax and meditate before i get it tested. Although today there were no significant changes I want to continoue doing it until I dont get nervious.

    I’ll keep you posted! :)

  548. scarlet Says:


    Yes there are many symptoms that fit under the umbrella of anxiety/depression. I would say that if you only started suffering this burning sensation after suffering anxiety then it’s most probably connected, especially since you say that symptoms get worse when you are feeling low. I had all sorts of symptoms, dizziness, nausea sickly feeling in my stomach, insomnia, sweating palms, palpitations, bad eyesight, felt the floor was higher, skin crawling sensation, twitching, ooooo when I think of it there were hundreds of little symptoms. Don’t have any of them now that I am recovered….. Try not to dwell, you are doing great. x

  549. Amanda Says:

    Hi everyone , as you proably know from my post,s i am in a bad setback at the moment, i am trying to accept the weird sensations i am having but really finding it hard feels worse than the first time round its hard to explain i feel disorinetated like i dont know where i am, not like deralisation it feels weirder than that my nerves are really on edge at the moment when im trying to talk my words feel like there not coming out properly and with no emotion sometimes when my family ask me a question i can hardly reply because i dont know what to say it is so frustrating and upsetting i feel like screaming out what i really want to know is has anyone else felt like this ?i hate going to bed at night now because my stomach churns so much at the thought of facing another day like this ,even though i try and be positive and tell myself tomorrow will be a better day just never seems to come ,hope everyone is okay.

  550. Jo Says:


    I just read your post about the burning sensations you get, I used to have those too, they would start in my tummy, travel up my body, down my arms and onto my face, It was horrible!
    But now im doing loads better, and havent had them for a while now, so I think yours will go too, just keep up the good work!
    Hope this helps,
    Take care, Jo xxx

  551. Jo Says:


    Just been reading your post, I know how hard it is, being in such a bad setback, this last one, for me also felt worse than the first time I had anxiety. I can relate to the feeling of not knowing what to say, I had that, and still do to some degree, (as you can probably tell from my posts! lol) it makes me feel really thick! but I know its not how I am really, its just the anxiety.
    I can understand how it feels when it seems you have forgotten everything you learned from Paul, and everyone here, but you have done it before, I know you have it in you to get past this latest setback, because if I can do it, anyone can! lol
    Hope you have a better day soon, take care
    Jo xxx

  552. evelyn Says:

    Hi amada
    ican totally undertand you, i remember crying to my husband saying, i just cant take it anymore;( he started talking to me, and we got deep into a conversation and i soon forgot about it, i believe you are making the mistake of feeding it, i know its a horrible feeling, but
    you have to not fear it, it only makes it stronger, it will not leave tomorrow, because its a bad habit that you have learned.. but when you take the fear out of it, it makes it so much better, and im sure disappear with time, i another note, i still think what you are experienceing is still d.p, but stronger because of the fuel you are adding, trust me amanda, take the fear out of it, and you will see it will feel better, not 100% but better, today i woke up and my son and daughter asked me to take them to go have breakfast.. i did not want to go, i felt oh no then im going to feel the d.p and d.r when im around the public, but i said oh well, you can come if you want, because im not going to robe my children from their happiness, so i said lets go guys, and we went, it turned out fine, it was there, but i didnt fear it, i felt odd strange you name it.. but one thing that i have told myself when i received pauls book is, enough is enough !!! i even had tears of my eyes of all the questions that made sense now… every feeling i have is anxiety and nothing more nothing less.. amanda i know i will not recover tomorrow, and i dont care, what i do know is it will come, and ill just sit back and let my body bring it to me, ill be damn if i let anxiety bluff me again, i will not give anxiety not ONE more moment of my life:)

    Hope you feel better amanda

  553. Clara Says:

    Hi Amanda,

    its all part and parcel of anxiety…the difficult part is to go through the disoriented feeling after living life quite normally …it is annoying..i am going through that at the moment…i was talking to a friend whom i could talk for any long..but today when i spoke i was not able to speak …i was just getting restless and felt like i was desperately trying to talk…rather than having my mind on the topic spoken it was on me how i was feeling..naturally strange! and on top of that i am watching myself…and i couldnt feel any emotions too…

    immediately i reminded myself its anxiety not letting it upset me even further..
    Amanda..dont worry its a roller coaster ride…it will take a WHILE…!
    lets go through the journey acknowledging it all comes under one umbrella …thats anxiety..
    coming in here and sharing our woes helps us to move ahead giving us faith.
    i like to add what scarlet used to say…do more and more of what u find it difficult untill u learn to do it however you feel…
    Take care…

  554. Clara Says:

    Thanks Michelle and Scarlet…

    i was going through low mood on a continuos basis suddenly when i was struck by some sort of frustration mode..thats when i felt so tired and annoyed…! and i couldnt speak when my friend called whom i used to speak fine otherwise and there isnt any reason fr me to be so other than PLAIN ANXIETY.

    i feel is it a gene in me? guess with time it shall pass….!
    i will take it as chipping away each brick to find my true self…! sometimes i dont know what i should think and respond so i feel dont I, as an individual have any particular opinion on anything…guess with time it shall all pass…
    Thanks to both of you..

  555. dee Says:

    Hi all,

    Really need just a little advice hen going through anxiety has anyone experienced strange dreams? It has only happened to me twice but i dreamt that i suffered with depression and the family were talking about me as a symtom rather than a person, i know this is an odd question to ask, but i woke up questioning myself thinkink ‘is it real or not’ and did i have depression….?
    I know anxiety has ways of tricking us and i also know that i have a fear of developing depression beacuse my father had it, and that this does not necessarly mean i will get it, but just really wanted somw feedback from you all. Thanks for listerning :)

  556. Si Says:


    I was reading what you had posted earlier regards to depression.

    You mentioned that low mood is another learned habbit and takes time to overvome, but live your life has you did before you had anxiety / depression.

    I do try so hard to interact, get on with life ect but the problem I seem to have (if I can expalin it well enough) is….

    I get involved in conversations better now, but I get so low and down when interacting and I think it’s like I am envious, well It’s not that I think I am envious, I know I am!!!! So when it comes to reading, watching tv all the things you mentioned my mood can become lower and lower. The envy I feel is, I am envious of normal life and normal feelings, so Im stuck as to how I deal with this?

    How do I just live without the constant mind battle?

    It’s like the more I do something, the more I question it.

    Get this…. I hate football and always have, but now I hate listening to people talking about it, It makes me so anxious and down. BUT I don’t like football so why am I winding myself up? WHAT do I do to counter act these feelings….. and I can tell you this is just a little problem I have on the grand scale…. Truley feel that ENVY is my ENEMY and stopping me from accepting

    Please can you or anyone shed any light


  557. Clara Says:

    Hi Si

    Let me tell u what i feel about this…i personally feel its not that u r an envious person its just another part of anxiety playing its tricks on you…whatever we find difficult to go through it haunts us more and more till we accept it…if you are plain envious you wouldnt have even questioned it. you will feel normal to feel those feelings and its the other person who is at fault…

    I feel that u r experiencing envy because u cannot completely immerse in the situation or in conversations, still a little apprehensive after going through a lot..
    your mind starts wandering…not getting the right emotions hence you feel agitated and gets annoyed at the sight of people having fun in their own terms…
    we feel we are devoid of ‘being there’ totally ..

    but if u just brush those envious thoughts ( i know it keeps nagging you) truly acknowleging that its because of the underlying anxiety that it has taken shape into envy and nothing more…hence dont drain your energy thinking why you think that way…instead just focus on the now…(i have experienced it too like some thoughts are still there whcih hinders you to completely immerse in there)

    if u look at the world afresh each time (envy is just a distorted feeling i am having at the moment) each time u get a new perspective and try doing things then…
    i guess a lot of negative thinking comes in the way which takes your happiness from you making you envious of others…

    just imagine u to be a happy soul…try to see the world as a happy place…each time a negative thought comes place it with a happy thought i am already happy…i dont ‘need to do’ anything to make me happy…just ease up and follow the things that come your way…
    this worked for me…i felt content inside..

    but again this is anxiety it wasnt leaving me like that..i have ups and downs….
    to engrave something in our minds (positive ones) its taking TIME. thats all i believe…

  558. Si Says:


    Thanks for the prompt and very indepth responce. It realy does help to read others have had the same and got through, I just question things too much. You wouldnt beleive me if I told you I was even contemplating recording myself saying happy things and playing them through my ipod headphones whilst asleep, just to engrave this deeper!!!!

    What realy gets me is that, yes I believe it can be reversed but why does it take so much strength and time?

    I do think that it did work for me a couple of weeks ago, I was just getting on and laughing to myself and talking back to my negative thoughts and yes it did seem to ease, it was still there and it kept coming back, but I let it. Perhaps I give in way too easy, perhaps I have got to stick my chest out, lift my head up and say “SO WHAT”, gosh….. easier to write than to put into action.

    So worried that all these bad habbits (like dreading each dark day) are never going to ease us

    Thanks again

  559. dee Says:

    Hi Clara,
    you sound very knowledgable in this subject could you advise me on my above post if you have time please.

  560. Si Says:


    I know your after a responce from Clara and I am sure she will reply. Just to let you know that YES I too have strange dreams (not scarey as such) just weired. I suffer more when I have woken up but try to go back to sleep but can’t (like semi sleep) They are disturbing, however compaired to not getting any sleep I can cope with the weired dreams.


    Why in upper case you may ask…. well I had clinical depression up until finding Paul’s site, now I feel what I have is Anxiety/DP/DR and a some depression. I too have a father whoso calls has depression althought you would not beleive it!! He says his tablets help him (20 years on them) I don;t think he’s depressed anymore, he’s just relying on that tablet, hense the reason why I have been of my meds now for over 1 week (because I want to do this myself)

    I know depression is a horrible horrible thing but I think and I am sure scarlett and clara would both say treat it as anxiety and you will over come it. I HATE THE DOCTORS THAT PUT NAMES TO THIS PROBLEM….

    Just had to get that off my chest :)

    I did not have clinical depression, I had a breakdown and anxiety and now after 2 years I am learning to deal with it


  561. Clara Says:

    Hi Si

    I know it can be a little tough at times especially when the mind has opted for the wrong CD, playing non-stop negative thoughts without a stop..!

    Phew !you get tired of it and no wonder we feel agitated and feel envious of people around us having a ball..

    i feel we should be aware once the negative mind chatter begins…at that point if we tell ourselves i am a good individual. i like myself..its the anxiety thats making me think of all unnecessary things..i am going to be kind towards people. it will deviate our attention from the draining thoughts…but i know its an effort and by default only negative thoughts come..

    do u have situations wherein you go somewhere and meet people and then think what to talk, and pressurise more to come out with some things to talk…i had experienced that too…and its such an ache..when the mind should bethere relaxed and enjoying the party or whatever my mind starts with all the ‘self focused thoughts’ making me tongue tied…!

    Si, we have to just move forward. thats the only way out..we have to try to see ourselves as good human beings..kind and loving in nature..these envy and guilt thoughts are not real as they are created by habit as we cant get immersed in the situations as and when they come…
    our belief system has been challenged after going through such a lot…
    its always easy to think negative …and ours by default has become negative so it will take a while to reverse build our self-confidence and self esteem…the little self confidence we gained gets crushed when we start doubting ourselves…

    but it will Si..lets live each day keeping this in mind…we are precious…we shouldnt ruin our life with negative thoughts…lets start loving and taking care of ourselves..easier said than done…i know..
    but lets keep this in mind always…!

  562. Michelle Z Says:

    Hi Si, Clara, & Dee: I so agree with you, Si. I was in such a horrible setback for a couple of weeks and by the end of last week just thought I couldn’t handle anything anymore and that I would never get better. And then I decided that if others can overcome, than so can I. And little by little throughout the day on Saturday, I just focused outward. Laughed with others. Talked back to the negative thoughts and feelings. Sang to the radio. And lo and behold, by the end of the day, I was feeling much better and yesterday was a good day as well. Does that mean that suddenly the low feeling and the anxiety were gone? No. But they were tolerable. Then this morning I awoke and scary thoughts are trying to bother me. I am just talking back to them as well. Go ahead and be there. You are not getting the best of me. I am not going down that dark road again. So much of it is just habit. And at some point, we have to believe that we can overcome this just as so many others have.

    Look at it like this, which feels better to say, “Oh no. I will never get better. I can’t do this. Why can others do it, but I can’t?” Or does it make you feel better to say, “Whatever (symptoms & thoughts). Go ahead and be there, but I am going to live my life today. I am going to believe that I am an overcomer just like Paul and Scarlet and Candie and so many others.” The second one is what helps lift our moods and helps us know we can do this.

    So let’s carry on together and know we can do this. Have a wonderful day!!

  563. Clara Says:

    Hi Dee

    I saw ur message only now..
    i guess the above post answers it all…
    have a good day….:)

  564. Si Says:

    Clara …. You have a great possitive attitude and one of which I (ENVY) :) just kidding, well Im not but you know what I mean. I agree loving ourselves is a must. I feel down and guilty just having a laugh with someone, a bit of banter turns me questioning myself and feeling guilty for even smiling… but your right. Anyway what life is it if you get guilty of having a little laught… I AM SURE I will get a lift again :)

    Michelle… Again a wonderfull positive attitude (please bottle it and sell it me), actually just reading what you’ve both written is a tonic in itself, even if short lived.

    I know what I am doing wrong… I am giving in too easy to these thoughts, Im not sure what the word is because fighting is wrong!! I suppose accepting and action is the phrase to use.

    I know this is a set back and I know it’s going to be one of many, just got to accept it.

    Thanks Again – and yes, lets get through this with a smile even if we cant smile

  565. Michelle Z Says:

    You’re getting it, Si! Yes, acceptance is important for sure. Whatever thoughts you may have, whatever symptoms you are experiencing…just tell it “Whatever! You are just anxiety and I am going to get on with my day.” And then do it. Go outside for a walk, talk to people, go shopping, start a project, indulge yourself in a hobby. Whatever interests you. Just do it and you will begin feeling better for it! Hang in there! You can do this!

  566. James Says:

    Hello all,

    I feel a way of helping me through this is constantly telling myself “I am a good person, and I would never do anything bad” and “I can get over this, just move on”. I find that anxiety likes to take strange events and makes me wonder what if I become that person or what if that happens to me and then that’s how I get all worked up. I hope my mind set isn’t effective and this will continue to happen throughout my life, but I’m still have hope that one day I will be better.


  567. Ron Says:

    Paul or Scarlet please help…

    I have read the book and have anxiety for almost a year now and I am still struggling with it. I made so much progress and lately I am just getting worse. My attention is stuck on me all day and I try to live like I don’t have it and be in the moment but my mind won’t let me. My mind is so tired and I can’t take everything in and then I think it’s because I am still fighting this thing and I am just having this internal, mental battle all day long.. I have these crazy, deep, thoughts about God and religion all day and I just don’t know how to dismiss them. I feel like I am doing everything all wrong..please tell me how to accept feeling bad and just getting on with my day no matter what because I feel like if I feel detached and horrible then I am doing something wrong. How can I get better if I feel detached and my mind is racing all day? Please, please help. Thank you

  568. Ron Says:

    I am just struggling so bad with just dismissing my symptoms and maybe its because I don’t trust that they will go away on their own. I feel like I need to do something and talk myself out of every symptom. It’s like as soon as I feel a symptom or a thought I just repeat in my head everything I’ve learned from Paul and I just know I’m not doing the right thing because I haven’t gotten better yet. Believe me I can recite Paul’s book from memory by now so the knowledge is there but I am just having trouble. I don’t know how to recover if my day is just full of symptoms where I cant just live normally like I used to.

  569. Ron Says:

    Like I was at a baseball game today and I couldn’t follow the game. Do I just have to be OK with that or am I doing something wrong? And I just can’t live like I dont have it and go around and be like I used to be because I’m just stuck in my own head and have crazy thoughts like “Ill never be better until I figure out the meaning of life” and “Ill never be better until i fully grasp my opinion on religion”..its just feels so important to get to the bottom of thoughts like that..everything feels so strange and life and people just seem so can I get better with all this going on? How do I live through it when it’s impossible to have a normal day with all this going on? I know I sound crazy but I need some help..

  570. Ron Says:

    And I have all these safety behaviors like coming on here and reading whenever I feel confused and asking my girlfriend questions. Like I know all about anxiety from Paul but I still am having trouble just accepting that living with these symptoms will make them all go away. I just don’t feel like myself and I don’t know how to recover while I feel so many symptoms. I always feel like I’m doing it all wrong

  571. Ron Says:

    Do I just have to accept that I can only catch the 2nd half of what someone is saying? Or that even when I don’t want to think about anxiety that that’s all my mind talks about? I just feel like to get back to normal I have to be normal and I just feel like if I accept my crazy thoughts and don’t disprove them and accept that I feel strange and accept thinking super strange thoughts about people and life then I will always be that way and never get better.

  572. Michelle Z Says:

    Hi Ron – I’m sure you’ll hear from one of the people who are recovered, but just wanted to write and let you know you’re not alone. The bottom line is that, Yes, you have to accept that this is you for now. Go back and read Paul’s writing on “How Long Will it Take to Recover.” I think you may find it helpful. The bottom line is you have to get to the point where you are willing to just live alongside these awful thoughts and feelings, understanding that it’s just anxiety, and live your life. As you do this, it will get easier. And you will begin to notice that you are paying more attention to what is going on in your life instead of what is going on in your head or body. I’m still trying to do this, too. It ain’t easy, that’s for sure. :) But it’s obviously doable from reading Paul’s writings and the comments from those who have recovered. We have nothing to lose by trying, but have everything to gain. So hang in there! Give it a whirl! Go to the ballgames feeling awful and just accept that this is you … for now. It will get better!

  573. Amanda Says:

    Thanks for the advice Evelyn/Clara , i know deep down it is just dr and dp its just very severe at the moment and hard to cope with, and i know i am fueling it with my worry and fear, evelyn you said you made yourself go out with the children even though you knew it would be bad, i go out as often as i can to the park to town anything to get out of the house because i feel as bad wether i am at home or out its very tiring, i know i am going to get better i have been through this before its just hard to beleive when you feel so desperate and low, but i am going to try and be positive and keep the faith ,anxiety has robbed me of so many things through out my life i hope with the knowledge i have from this site and pauls book i wont let this happen again.

  574. dee Says:

    Hi Si,

    Thank you so much for your responce and Michelle/clara, it is always helpful to have others talk about there experiences.
    I think what i hate is that it seems once you deal with one symptom of anxiety another seems to pop up!!

  575. Ron Says:

    Just to add to my post above. Why do these thoughts about religion, our purpose on earth, the existence of god, etc. keep coming up?? I believe in what I believe and the rest is unknown but why can’t my mind just drop it? Those thoughts keep coming and coming with such force and that makes me think that there really is more to think about for me to get past them and i just go round and round again. How do I stop this? How do I dismiss them when I feel like they really need to be answered? Will they ever go away? and Will I ever just casually be able to entertain these thoughts again without the obsessiveness and anxiety response when I recover? Please tell me what to do and how all this works.

  576. evelyn Says:

    yes amanda, anxiety has robbed us so much, that enough is enough!!!! i have overcame d.p and d.r before, so i know i can do it again. we can do this lets just live along side with it, lets like lets embrace it.. we have to keep our enemies close you know..;)

  577. Patrick Says:

    Hi everyone,
    I was watching the oscars the other day and saw a quote that I thought could be applied to attitude towards:

    “It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it.”
    Lena Horne

  578. Patrick Says:

    *attitude towards anxiety

  579. Jenny Says:

    Hi everyone,
    I have suffered on and off with anxiety since being 18, I’m now 27. I can honestly say I don’t 100% know what triggers it, but I have had a lot of losses over a very short period of time, very good friends, one only last week in the NZ earthquake.
    I’ve come to terms with the fact I have anxiety, but I still struggle coming to terms with how it presents itself, such as anxiety towards the people I care most about, which makes me just want to run away from them. I think I have a fear of losing people. Anyway, I read Paul’s book and I do ok for a while, then slip back, but then I feel stronger again. I guess this is part of the process. I am challenging myself all the time. I know I’ll get better, I am on a new diet, will start exercising, and will stop feeding the anxiety by constantly quesitonning it and trying to find a reason for it.
    I was horrific in January, shakes, sweats, constant horrendous head chatter that told me I’d done all sorts, said all sorts, was basically a bad person. I thought the best thing would be for me to fall asleep and never wake up, but hilariously I couldn’t even fall asleep for that to happen! I can now, I listen to Paul McKenna “I can make you happy” every night and whatever else it does, it certainly makes me sleep well, which is 1 quarter of the battle!
    My anxiety led to DP completely and that made me worse, thinking I didn’t love anyone, couldn’t care less about anything, if people died then I wouldn’t care at all. But I understand now that again, it is an effect of the anxiety that was so overwhelming my body just couldn’t handle it. I get a lot of headaches, some nausea, but I can eat again and have gained a stone in the last 6 weeks :) I avoid sugary foods, which is rubbish as I’m a Haribo addict, but it’s better for you and I no longer look like skeletor. I still don’t make an effort with my appearance though, which is not me at all, usually leaving the house without mascara would just seem the most un natural thing in the world.
    I’m gradually getting there, I know I am, but it’s a slow and long process, and I’m impatient. I just can’t wait for the day I wake up and anxiety is not the first thing on my mind.
    Paul’s advice and kindness is something I will really look back on and thank when I’m recovered. Giving up the battle will honestly give you more energy, but remember, set backs are inevitable, I had one this morning, and now I’m feeling slightly normal again and have just booked a show in London for Saturday night…which yes, I feel I don’t particularly want to go to, but I will anyway, it might make me smile!!! :)
    Take care everyone, I know how you feel, and it feels horrific, but we can get through it!!! xxx

  580. Suranne Says:

    Hi Ron, I used to get these type of ‘life questioning’ thoughts a lot, and they really did me in. I know, that to be fair to my mind, as I was obviously so scared and worried, it kept presenting these questions to me to get the whole matter sorted. I will tell you what really helped me get out of this awful cycle;

    Firstly, I would look at other people, and reminded myself, that they were NO DIFFERENT to me. They too have plenty of weird and wonderful thoughts- that is called being human, BUT because they did not suffer with anxiety, it didn’t worry them, infact I bet they were barely even aware of them.

    Secondly, imagine if we did have all the answers, and we did know the future, and our general purpose for being here. Just think how awful that would be, where would the magic and wonder be?

    When I look at mother nature, especially in the Spring, it seems to me that everything is pretty much worked out on a spectacular scale, so why should we even concern ourselves with what we don’t need to know, or even think we should know? I tell myself that one day, just maybe all the unanswerable questions will be answered, and in fact, it is quite correct that we do not have the answers today – otherwise we would have them wouldn’t we?! This helped me a lot, it gave my mind an answer, and settled it down.

    I hope this helps Ron,

    Courage my friend!


  581. natalie Says:

    hi guys
    i know how early it is at the moment and yes i know that this email might not get answered as we have a new post to read with success stories which i intent to read once i have posted. but i just needed to get stuff off my chest so to speak :) did not want to put on the new post as that is positive and people need to read the positive stuff its what keeps the hope alive and gets the point through but i just needed to let my feelings out. basically due to an arguement with my husband had a set back i suppose lol, the argument was over nothing but brought up all the issues that started the angst in the first place, the fact that i feel there is a lack of caring and support, and insecurity as to how this relationship will go.. not sure if its my angst or there are real issues there but not feeling to good at the moment.. all nite just been running through my mind all negative stuff hightened by the anxious thoughts.. i know deep down just a stage and that as before i will get through it but hard because my emotions are involved and hard to tell yourself to not care and to let the thoughts run as they are very upset to me at the moment. just gonna read the new post and take my inspiration from there .. just feel sooo low and a shock as been handing stuff quite well .. would love some advise or even just a little cuddle :) would be lovely .. hate when i feel sorry for myself as it soo not the right way to go and not the person i know i am.. but sometimes its tiring and difficult to get the motivation to be positive !!! love to you all..please doon’t let this message deflate you guys.. its just a bad day and probably selfish of me posting here but its the only place i feel i do not get judged or thought of as being a bad person x

  582. Paul David (Admin) Says:

    Patrick Says:

    March 1st, 2011 at 11:09 am e

    Hi everyone,
    I was watching the oscars the other day and saw a quote that I thought could be applied to attitude towards anxiety:

    “It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it.”
    Lena Horne

    Love that saying Patrick, really true

  583. Paulina Says:

    Hi Paul, Scarlet,and you all! :)

    Lately I have come a lil more often than usual and It is becuase I am starting to have problems to fall sleep. Its funny that even when I was at my worst (4 months ago) I still manage to sleep fairly ok. Now that I am so much better, I can go complete nights without sleeping at all. I feel as I am starting pre-dispose mysefl that i am not going to sleep, so when I actually get in bed, I will start thinking ‘oh no am not sleeping’ or “am I sleep yet?”. Its really annoying since I am excercising which leaves me preatty tired and I still cant manage to relax at night.

    Any comments?

    Thank you !!!

  584. clara Says:

    Hi Natalie

    its ok to write what u feel atleast that releases a little burden which was haunting in itself..
    first of all, dont feel sorry and guilty for yourself..!! thats what we feel most of the time on top of anxiety..we have to understand that our ‘feelings’ and ’emotions’ though it seems so true at the is not..we have distorted pattern of thinking which is why we think all the worst things could happen to us. if we had been without angst we may have had some worry going over but it wouldnt grab our life as a whole..
    So dont worry Natalie..whatever u r thinking is an exaggerated version of the fear and insecurity you have in your mind which is being manifested in different ways…

    best thing to do is keep yourself active even when you feel u cannot do anythign which breaks you from the continuous rumination maybe even clearing the clutter in the house, cook something with the attittude that i am not going to sit and ruminate and make me feel upset..why to hurt myself even more..its anxiety (in the form of depressive thoughts) once you acknowlege that its more easier to accept rather than simply analasying more and more and making it look worse..
    focus on things which u r doing.. gradually u can feel a lift in the mood …may be at that point u may feel different about what u thought was the worst problem that was facing you..

    Take care

  585. Si Says:


    Feel I am doing better week by week, but I know I am still have that internal analasying constantly going on. What I am struggling with is the point of getting into something and focusing on it…. I seem not to be able to concentrate enough to focus on anything. Biked to work today 12 miles but all the way there I was analasying, just could not break it. I know it’s a real strange question to ask but does anyone have any tips on fucusing and not analysing. Just can’t seem to do anything to stop me focussing on me and I feel this is the only thing thats holding me back from full recovery. The sleeps better, im back at my 2 jobs, Im back on 3 shifts, I go out and about without much anxiety (although do get it now and again)

    Apart from this I feel I have come on leaps and bounds


  586. Ron Says:

    Thanks Michelle and Suranne. That helps alot!

  587. Bret Says:

    Hello everyone!

    I had a quick question. First of all I want to shout out to Paul, about a year ago I found his book and I no longer experience panic attacks. Ever. I’ve even done things that would no doubt cause them in the past, for example drivin an hour by myself in the dark to meet some friends at the casino, I did it and felt amazing! Anyways my question is I have pretty bad sinus congestion right now and my ears are kinda clogged up. My doctor told me to take some mucinex or some type of decongestant but everyone I’ve looked at has reports of anxiety…so I guess my question is, do these pills CAUSE anxiety or do WE cause the anxiety because the pills might increase heart rate or something similar which makes an anxious person freak out. It’s kinda makin me not want to take anything but…I do feel like crap :\ I just dont want to panic over some stupid decongestant!

  588. james Says:

    Hey guys, for me it seems like everything that scares me just magnifies. I hear about a crime, sexual assault, etc. and something triggers and I start to get nervous and get scared something will happen. It’s hard to expalin but has anyone else gone through this? Thanks

  589. natalie Says:

    hi clara

    thankyou sooooooooooooooo much for your kind words, they really mean a lot and i know that youa re making sense but obviously it takes a little time to put into action but your email has motivatred me once again which is what i needed, thankyou again !!! things are not brilliant with my partner at the moment he doesn’t understand this at all and gets really angry with me obviously its this anger and unkind words that starts me off again as i start to feel unloved and why do i put up with this attitude..our relationship has been terbulent for the last few years he just blames me for how i am but it cannot be all me .. does anyone else have these kinds of issues with their partners.. but as paul says move towards that which you fear.. so thats what i will try to do.. and accept that this may knock me back a bit but that i will pull through it..and not think “why me” and get impatient with time, any normal person would feel vunerable and stessed if their relationship was going through a bad time i think the worse because that is how i am programmed to think at the moment that if i just carry on with my daily routine and change my attitude towards my partner so that i dont gert so hurt each time he is mean i owe it to myself to do this. i need to let go of the need to control the outcome and just get on with living and working towards what i would like the rest will take care of itself
    hi si

    as for the analising you will have this for a little longer.. its been you day in day out for a long time and therefore your mind is stuck in a groove and it is automatice, but just carry on as you have doing things that keep you occupied and busy eventually your mind will relax and as it does it will open up to this new world .. you won’t really realise it straight a way you have anxiety that is why you are like this .. it takes time to let it adjust.. just try to relax into it and let your attitude be one of no expectations no need to be a certain way all that you feel and think is natural and normal due to the onslaught you have been through.. it will get better until recently (due to the above lol) i had got lots better where i was not thinnking about myself so much and enjoying my enviroment but still had the odd obession and analising thought.. so it does improve with time xxx goodluck

  590. clara Says:

    hello everyone
    just thought of posting this
    I’d say in terms of getting stuck not nowing how to go thing is to have the attittude of :

    1. whatever fear you have, it gets only worse when you start analysing and obsessing about it.( the thought of analysing and finding a solution is immaterial as the problem itself is created by obsessing about it). So whatever fear we have acknowlege it is only anxiety. either we shrugg it off and dont give a damn or go through the fear (if it is to meet someone, do a job, attend a party) and face it and see what happens…nothing will happen…

    2. if some thoughts are going on and on without a break, you can just break the cycle and give another focus like walk, talk,watch tv,movie browse anything or try something new..or even grooming yourself, or even trying different styles on you. sometimes u get absorbed in what you do even without knowing may be for few minutes atleast.

    the problem which persists for me is while conversing i had this problem of continuously tuning onto what i am thinking and feeling making me feel so nervous and depressed all the time..i never knew before why i disliked making a call to someone..
    now i realise when i talk to someone this is a parallel conversation going on in my head about me( which doesnt sound good),about what i say about every action of mind!. now i have started brushing this off as complete nonsense and focus on the conversation…but at times its so difficult as in if i tune in to how i feel my mood just drops!
    i am just going with the ‘whatever’ attittude..has anyone experienced the same?

  591. Si Says:


    That is exactly how I feel ….

    “continuously tuning onto what i am thinking and feeling making me feel so nervous and depressed all the time..i never knew before why i disliked making a call to someone..”

    Now I can say it’s not 24/7 and when I can get out of my head and into a conversation, it just pops in and makes me low again.

    This is the bit that’s holding me back from full recovery. I try not to and dont get too frustrated with it, I just keep going. So hopefully this is the TIME bit I am going through. Giving it time (Lets hope)

    But yeh, totaly get what you saying and it is blumming hard :)

  592. Michelle Z Says:

    Hi Si & Clara – Yep, do that, too, sometimes. I think you’ve hit the nail on the head in that we need to just keep doing what we’ve been doing and let time pass. We’re getting there!!

  593. James Says:

    can anyone help or relate to my few posts up? It’s basically the mental side of this.


  594. Michelle Z Says:

    Hi James – Yep, that’s all part of this whole thing. I would shy away from (and still do) anything that is “scary” like that. I don’t want to even hear about it because it petrifies me. I guess there is that part of me that thinks, “Oh, what if I would do that?” or “What if that happens to me?” It’s all just part of the fear and anxiety. Just do the same as you do with the other scary thoughts. Know that they are not true. And get back on with your day. Understand it’s just the anxiety, live along side it and get focused on your life. Believe in yourself! Have a great night!

  595. James Says:

    Thanks Michelle!

    It’s so hard because I know I need to just ignore it but when I hear certain stories or things around me it seems too just go off in my head and magnifies for some reason. And then I start thinking what if I’m like this the rest of my life. I know it’s not true but it’s frustrating sometimes.

  596. natalie Says:

    hi james

    all you are experiencing is normal and part of the process. It does get better without you even knowing ! at the moment i am dealing with a set back but i think that sometimes the setbacks help in that you can look back at how you was previously and actually see you have progressed so much. FOr the last four months as i look back i can see i was really really doing well, that i was loosing myself in the world around me, having conversations and actually enjoying being social .. i did do some checking in and sometimes had the odd obession but nothing like i did in the beginning. yet if you had asked me last week how i was doing i would have said still “suffering” .. so what i am trying to tell you is that you are doing it all right.. that it does improve that that you can enjoy life again.. its the need to get better that makes you try to stop those thoughts..don’t!! let them be there and just tell yourself i am recovering everyday without even realising!! what helps me is that whilst i have those thought insteard of saying i will always be like this say if i let the thoughts go they will fade its just anxiety i prob be obsessing about something else just as silly it means nothing and laff at it in a way !! try not to take yourself to seriously acknowledge yes it is hard but thats life sometimes and look to something that will inspire you to give you courage for me it is when i watched a prograam called my beautiful face, this poor girl had been brutelly scarred and will have to deal with this every day for the rest of her life but her courage to carry on despite this was so inspiring i look at this when i feel sorry for myself.. she will be like that for the rest of her life and yet enjoys life we on the other hand will not always be like this so surley we can be just as couragous :) you might think thats a bit random but serioulsy things like this will inspire the best in you !!!! give yourself a hug and just get on with it and remember to trust yourself xxx

  597. clara Says:

    Hi Si and Michelle

    thanks a lot for your posts…

    lets carry on with what we are doing…moving on with life ‘however we feel’. its truly a process…!!
    i feel the burden gets a little lessened when i think..”its ok if i am feeling all ‘conscious’ of the way i feel for now and forever and live alongside anxiety…i have accepted that i have anxiety. there is nothing precise taht i could ‘do’ to be anxietyfree.”
    so accept it and move on. so that i dont ‘yearn to feel’ this way or that way…i will just carry on with life with little expectations.

  598. James Says:

    Thanks natalie!

    Yea it just feels like moments I feel fine and then my memory sucks me back in too what I felt like or went through. It just seems like I’m hitting a wall in my head of finally overcoming this but I just can’t seem to get passed it. It’s all mental I guess for me now.

  599. Helz Belz Says:

    just a quick note to anyone who is taking vitamin supplements. I posted before about how my legs were not working right, like they were doing their own thing, and figured out it was a toxic reaction to supplemental B6. I know this is a place for anxiety problems, and maybe this isn’t the right place to put this, but after stopping all supplemental b6 (for me, just a daily multivitamin and cereal), my walking problem has cleared up. it seems that some vitamins (particularly the b complex ones) are not good for the nerves, in too big or too small quantities, and for all of us with adrenalin messing out with our nerves anyway, we might be more prone to vitamin-induced nerve problems.

    i dont mean to write this to scare anyone or anything (although i freaked myself out before i figured it out), just thought it was something you should all be aware of. b12 and b6 seem to be the biggest culprits in this regard.

    wishing you all well, H -x-

  600. Dan Says:

    Hey Paul,

    My anxiety began a few months ago after a couple deaths in my family and an extremely stressful semester. It started with severe panic attacks, and I educated myself after just a couple weeks of experiencing them. I bought Amelina Linsdale’s book Panic, Fear, and Anxiety which coincides almost perfectly with what your book says, but focuses more on the panic attack aspect. While it was very hard at first, I eventually was able to convince myself that panic attacks were essentially just my body/brain working too hard to protect me. I got to the point where I openly welcomed them. I have since not had a panic attack in a few weeks and could care less if i did again, which makes me super proud to have overcome.

    The reason I write you, though, is because when all this anxiety started I became obsessed with the ‘why’ and ‘what should i do’ way of thinking. I felt like I was in a jail where i couldn’t stop over-analyzing everything. I figured it would go away when the panic attacks stopped and it did for about a week. But in the last couple weeks it has come back with full force. That is why I purchased your book, hoping for answers. I enjoyed reading the book, however I’m still somewhat confused. I’m sure you didn’t intend any contradictions, but I interpreted them as so. My main concern lies with the over-thinking. Everybody, since this has all started, has told me to just not think about it. I know how you say to just go with the scary thoughts and not try to suppress them, but you also state things such as in this post to “drop the subject” and in your book it is written “the more you stop thinking about it, the less it will have an impact.” I therefore have been getting frustrated when I realize I have spent the last couple hours thinking about things. I don’t necessarily worry too much, but I think about it. I have a good amount of distractions in my life with school, exercise, friends, girlfriend, etc. Some days I don’t think about things too much, but others I do and then I feel have no progress in moving away from the subject. Could you clear this up for me? I find it much easier said than done to just NOT think about the general subject of anxiety.

    Secondly, you mention in the book to not necessarily rely on saying to repeat to yourself to help yourself get through a rough day, but rather have an attitude shift. But aren’t we as humans always having internal dialogue? Maybe I took it the wrong way, but this line in your book has made me attempt to not tell myself anything to help accept everything, which i find impossible to do. How do you have a shift in attitude without using a change of internal dialogue to positive (or passive) affirmations?

    Thank you so much for everything you do,

  601. Angela Says:

    I already posted this on the success stories but thought it might be more fitting here…can someone please give me some advice thank you so much.

    Hi everyone,

    I was wondering if anyone could please give me some advice (:

    I am having a set back (which is fine in itself) but I am just sick and tired of feeling ‘weakened’ by anxiety. Before I suffered, I would be upset even depressed, but it would not be the same. I wouldn’t dwell on it, I would just see it for what it is — having a bad day! or week or whatever. Nowadays, when I feel like that, because of life stresses etc, I go into overdrive or something, as soon as I start feeling upset, or stressed, I am out there, buying books, coming on here, reading over old books (claire weeks etc) feeling completely lost again. It’s been two years since this started and sometimes, for prolonged periods I feel completely normal, but then it creeps back up and I feel horrible. I know it will pass, but I have a feeling I am not dealing with it properly as I am running around, buying new anxiety books, coming on here, feeling sorry for myself in a melodramatic way ‘WHY ME??’ (; lol… this obviously means I haven’t recovered bascially……and this is called non acceptance isn’t it?

    When I am in one of these ’setbacks’ I actually hate myself and can’t see anything positively, I worry myself almost crazy- which of course is a classic ‘am I going to lose it this time for real? ‘lol.. I know I won’t, I KNOW in my heart I am not insane-far from it, just hyperaware of myself. I also overanalyse everything in my life, in such a negative way that I feel completely trapped and convince myself my life sucks completely..(again, I KNOW when I am doing this and I am AWARE this is not to be taken seriously and I have learnt to disregard this, but it still hurts me sometimes)

    So the adive is, don’t focus on these feelings? they’re not important? feel whatever you have to feel, it won’t harm you? I can laugh at myself at times. But how to stop the obsessive self defeating negativity?! I just don’t know how to stop it!

    Thanks to all by the way for all the greta advice and Paul, I really respect your last post on here about your work and your book. You truly are a wonderful person.

    If anyone has words of wisdom, please help me. I am ok really anyway, I am not THAT bad..but I feel a little stuck!

    best wishes to all


  602. Will Says:

    Hi Everyone,

    I have not read Paul’s book yet but I have found this site very useful in all sorts of ways and here are some recommendations that have helped me get through some really difficult times recently with de-personalization, de-realization, gnawing persistent negative thoughts, depressed mental and physical feelings, disturbed sleep, abstract ongoing fear, and severe panic at times…the usual! I am not fully recovered but I am a lot better than I was a few months back when I was concerned about my ability to get to work at times.

    I think you have to try and see your suffering as part of a bigger picture – our lives are made up of all of us bouncing our feelings, personalities, and actions off each other and sometimes (to extend the idea) we get knocked down by getting overloaded with it all. We get tired out – perhaps because we have been working too hard at life; perhaps because too many people have ‘knocked’ into us with their emotions, words, and actions. Either way, the best thing we can do in this state is to acknowledge that we have been knocked down, that it hurts, and that there will be some damage to deal with which needs to heal, naturally and through our own efforts. In order to heal, we need to take a step back and say “I can’t do things like I used to for the moment” – just like if you had broken a leg. We then need to make sure that those closest to us know what has happened and that we can’t do things like we used to do – if they have a problem with that then it is them that need to deal with it, not you because you are doing your very best to deal with your situation anyhow. A great deal of anxiety, in my experience, is to do with how we are in our relationships with those closest to us – our partner, our family, our work colleagues etc. These relationships make up our lives really, so the first step is to be totally honest with those people and let them know what is happening. By doing this, you bring the fear factor down massively which lowers the scale of the anxiety – the symptoms will still be there but a layer of fear has been taken away by simply telling people what is going on. You don’t have to waste time and energy worrying about when / if they will find out because you have told them – you have done your bit in being totally honest and putting them squarely in the picture.

    Another thing that helps is trying to tackle things that have been worrying you for a long time – debts, unreplied letters, a conversation you really feel you should have with your boss etc. Eliminate as many stress-inducing elements in your life as possible and try not to be evasive about niggling problems – get them out of the way as much as possible.

    Also be nice to yourself – treat yourself, try not to think about what you should be doing and think about doing things you like. Get that ‘teenage’ approach to life back in your head where life is all about just enjoying things as they are and not worrying too much about consequences. If you are a worryer you are not likely to anything silly or irresponsible anyway, so just try to enjoy life in its little ways, however trivial they may seem. As much as we get upset by little things, we get cheered by them.

    Try to keep it clear in your mind that you have not always been like this and that an accumulation of things has led to the condition that you are now in. By slowly reversing that process, you can get back to how you once were – in other words, accept and unwind and remember that it is an accumulation of stress that has led to this and you just need to de-accumulate the stress, one way or another. Stress does not work in the long run, whatever the short-term rewards.

    Pride is another big one – don’t be proud…talk to people about your difficulties and you will find that a great many people suffer all sorts of emotional and psychological difficulties, often people that looked like they lead really great and happy lives. Far from being alone, it is unusual NOT to suffer from any emotional and psychological difficulties – everybody struggles with some problem or another and if they say they don’t, they are kidding themselves and everyone around them probably, or just trying to run away from the challenges and responsibilities of life.

    The thing to get straight, as Paul so rightly says, is that all the awful, crazy, bizarre feelings and thoughts are a product of FEAR so if you can just wind yourself down enough, they will subside – and accepting them and living with them is the first step. Easier said than done, of course. Acceptance, however, is made easier by realising that suffering is part of life – we are not on this earth to be ecstatically happy all the time but to love and support one another, and sometimes that involves taking a lot of negative stuff on board and that leads to suffering. If you are on this website, you have probably taken an overfill of suffering in some way and you need to allow yourself a break to re-charge. You just have to weather the bad and painful moments and get through it by hook or by crook, using what you can to alleviate the agony, knowing that bit by bit, your system will repair itself. There will be ups and downs, successes and failures but bear in mind one important fact: your body is geared to survive and is always defaulting to an easeful state – it doesn’t want to be wound up, so let it wind down and your mind will follow it. Trust me it will.

    I hope some of this helps.


  603. SJ Says:

    Hi Paul & Everyone – I wonder if someone could give me a little advice. I’m really struggling at the moment with a slightly different situation and i’m im not sure what to do. Usually my main problem has been scary thoughts – wild, pretty irrational and really horrible – you name it i’ve had it and have tortured myself many times. I’ve worked really hard to apply Pauls lessons to this (accept and not be impressed etc) and it’s been ok (very difficult at times but I know it’s the way to go). Lately however i’ve been making myself feel practically sick to the stomach with a different kind of issue and quite a ‘normal’ one which has thrown me. I’m in a relationship with this guy whom I love very much – we’ve had a very rocky road in the past but we’re back on track and planning to buy a house together later this year (get married, do the babies thing the lot). The issue which is ‘normal’ and I guess a typical relationship thing thats written about/discussed in magazines etc is that our sex life isn’t great – it’s ok and it exists but it isn’t amazing and I feel if this is the guy I want to spend my life with it should be better. He finds it hard to talk about and I feel we’re not getting anywhere. The thing is I have now fully panicked about this – for the last 4 weeks I have gone into work everyday with a tight chest, racing heart and a churning stomach. I find myself churning over this all day and panicking about making this committment(moving in). I find it hard to concentrate – I have so many phyiscal symptoms of anxiety, i’m excessively emotional, I’m crying loads and feel depleted and zombie like much of the time. Basically i’m not sure what to do – what happens when there is something ‘real’ you need to resolve – like my issue but the amount of worry applied to it -anxious reactions and very negative conclusions drawn are massive and overwhelming. At times this week my state has led me to believe I should end my relationship etc – clearly a rash move but i’ve got so upset about it I keep thinking ‘there must be a big problem if it’s getting me this upset.’ When you have a ‘fake’ worry like an scary thought it’s uncomfortable but usually so far fetched you can say ‘this is just anxiety it’s not real’ but what do I say to myself in this situation??? I’m worried my anxious state is going to go to overdrive and i’ll ruin my relationship. I want to be able to find practical solutions for this real life situation – for this I need to think about it – but all that is happening is because i’m thinking my anxiety is raging and i’m miserable I feel my judgement is very clouded at the moment and i’m losing confidence which worked so hard to build up with this anxiety stuff. Any help would be soooo appreciated.

  604. James Says:

    Hey SJ! Your main problem seems to be my main problem with the thoughts. when i first got anxiety in November it was constant however they have gone down since then. It still pops up from time to time but there not as scary I guess, still frustrating though. But for me I’m having a hard time trying to get motivated to get in a relationship because I’m afraid what I went through with anxiety will get in the way of having one. :/

  605. sb Says:


    Just curious how to handle anxiety during certain circumstances. In a work environment when there are conflicts, I tend to come home and replay it in my mind eventhough I don’t want to. This affects my sleep. Anbody else experience this?

    Please help.


  606. berwick1002000 Says:

    Hi All

    Feel strange even typing this as im in the depths of DP and dont even know if this is real , had anxiety and panic dissorder for nearly 4 years now.

    Im at a strange crossroads as my anxiety does not feel to be there at the moment except in this new form the depersonalization , im not having any racing heart / not scared of certain situations / and will talk to anybody all i seem to have now is the strange thoughts (which is really only one thought) which is the old “nothing is real am i real is this a dream”

    has anyone been similar where this DP seems to be the last hurdle ???

    thanks all

  607. Cori Says:

    Anais Nin quote ” And the time came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom”

    Trying to see this experience of anxiety as a challenge and an opportunity to make changes in my life for the good. After all, is is not that our bodies and minds are trying to get us to re-set?

    Stay strong, all and keep your chins high. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

  608. Chris Says:

    For all those suffering and are making no progress (or so it seems), take a step back try to understand anxiety in a different way. As Paul says many times, Anxiety is not some terrible monster or disease that is trying to pull you under and prevent you from finding happiness in life. Anxiety is just a fancy word for lots and lots of worry that creates physical symptoms and mental symptoms. If you think about it, it is worry that got you to this point and worry that keeps you at this point.

    So now, instead of looking at anxiety, look at what “worry” is. Worry is basically negative concern about the FUTURE. When you worry, you are thinking about what could happen at a later time. For instance, if you have anxiety and feel a sharp chest pain you may begin to have the “what if” thoughts and think it could be a heart attack. Once you have that thought in your head you begin to worry. However, you are not worrying about the heart attack but rather the possible outcomes of a heart attack, which is commonly associated with dying.

    So when you worry, you don’t worry about what has happened or what is happening, but rather the future outcomes of the situation. Anxiety, therefore, is just a lot of worry about the future and what could happen. If you think about it anxiety has not brought you any life threatening conditions or permanent symptoms, nor will it. So all of that past worrying you have done about every little symptom has just resulted in more or even stronger symptoms.

    In the end, Anxiety is one nasty worry habit that has brought you nothing but uncomfortable feelings and a huge waste of energy. To escape this cycle, you need to begin to live for today and let the future take care of itself. If you feel a pain, sensation, discomfort, DP, etc. do not worry and just let it pass, it will take care of itself. Once you learn to let things go and not worry about them, your “anxiety” will go just like your symptoms do. Best advice Paul states in his book is “It’s time to stop worrying and start living.” These are truly words to live by.

    ~Live your life how you want to live it

  609. TREY Says:

    Hi to everyone, it has been almost two yrs since i been to the site! I just wanted to say thanks to Paul and just try to give back so to speak to those who suffer from anxiety. I want to say that i had anxiety and dp so bad I went to a psychiatrist because after yrs of it I thought for sure I was going crazy or insane. I will tell you that I was at the bottom, I mean I could barley leave house without vomiting from anxiety, I even passed out from exhaustion from the lack of sleep! If you learn , and develop the HABIT of letting go, you will heal very rapidly! Suffers of anxiety fight it like they have to. ” keep it together” this is the habit that feeds anxiety! When you learn to not worry, you starve the beast. Let everything go… You feel dizzy, wierd, anxious it doesnt matter. If worry fixed it you would have been healed already. No matter where you are what your doing just accept anxiety and it will pass! Remember friends you must learn, learn meaning its something you have to practice, you must learn to just let how ever your feeling go. I do feel great and have for a couple yrs, and yes i have had set backs, and on a day i get stressed i may feel anxious but when i get the flu i dont question the fever that comes with it lol. Just feel your anxiety and move on witg out questioning every little feeling or thought… Easier said then done till you learn how. Hope everyone learns the free and simple cure..Letting go! Thanks again to all!

  610. Nikki Says:

    Hi guys,

    I’m Nikki, I’m 20 years old and have been suffering from anxiety for about 6 months and depression for the last year and a half.. Slowly my anxiety has got worse – I’ve been unemployed for 7 months now and I don’t think this helps!! I googled and found this page tonight because im now trying to sort my life out. I’m going to get a job, I’ve enrolled to college and start in September and im about to move house! So now I have no time for anxiety lol so it has to go! I can no longer cancel appointments, or get there and run away etc.. I will not let myself!! I’m so grateful to you guys, you’ve shown me that I’m not alone and most importantly I’m actually not in any harm lol there’s been times where im sure I’m going to drop down from a heart attack or something because I get so worked up! But from tomorrow im having a new start! When these feelings try and take over I’m going to quickly wash them off and laugh, it’s myself haunting me.. No one else! So wish me luck! I’m going to do this as I will not become sad lonely 20 year old who doesn’t go out an her bf chucks her because she’s a damn mess! Lol I can do it!! I’ll keep you posted and pleasee keep posting success story’s!! You have no idea how good it feels to have people Just like me! I admit I’m avoiding the posts that are negative but I hope one day I will come back and help you guys too :) I’d love to hear that there are still people on here and using this site.. Nice to know I’m not writing to myself lol! Thanks again guys :) Nikki

  611. Helen Says:

    Hi, Kelsie,

    In my opinion you are just suffering from an episode of severe anxiety.
    You say you fear you’ll start hearing voices. If you pay attention to your own words you say you fear, than fear is your problem, not hearing voices.
    If you focus on trying to cope with this fear, either by consulting a psychiatrist and being on medication for a while, or by trying mindfulness techniques, CBT, psychodynamic or psychoanalytical therapy, then maybe this fear will not be so intense. I know that accepting this fear or paying no attention to it at this moment may be challenging, so help may be needed and welcome for a while and you should seek it if you have not yet done so.
    Anxious people, and I know what I’m talking about, tend to focus on the future and normally the future looks bad and gloomy, sometimes even catastrophic, but that doesn’t really express reality. It’s like we are building up on reality and letting fear of horrific future situations take control.
    Let’s not let it happen. It is just fear and fears, although very vivid, do not express reality. They are emotions we create. We must not forget that. Let us move from fear to something else, let us live the real moment, not the moment we create and project upon our own bodies.
    One step at a time and I am sure you’ll get there. Like the Spanish poet Antonio Machado used to say, “Walker, there is no path, the path is made while walking. Stroke by stroke, verse by verse”, but we should keep walking and try as much as possible not to let fear paralyse us.

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