Anxiety tips and tricks

Again sorry for the late post……..

Today I thought I would do something a little bit different and make it where others can partcipate and share there own tips on what has really helped them. I would say educating myself was by far the most important thing that helped me, understanding why I felt the way I did, helped take all the fear and worry out of it and opened up the door for me to begin my recovery. I no longer spent each day worrying and trying to fix how I felt, this in turn helped my mind and body have the breaks it needed to heal. But there were a few things along the way that helped me and without going into loads of detail on each one here are just a few.

Exercise and keeping busy – I have mentioned it before but I took up exercise and it really helped. It burnt of all the excess adrenalin for a while and when I came back from a workout I felt great. The adrenalin would eventually build back up as my body created it faster than a normal body, due to years of over worrying. But it made me realise that all that was wrong with me was not mental in anyway, the exhausted body and feelings of detachment was just adrenalin on tired nerves and a tired mind.

Getting out of bed when I woke – I used to feel a little spaced out when I woke and would start to go monitor how I felt, sort of go through the day in my head, feel that ‘Oh here we go again’ start to the day. I found just waking and getting out of bed and being active in other simple things made a difference. Just going down and making breakfast, living my life how I should do and not sitting around moping and feeling sorry for myself.

Moving towards my feelings of anticipation – An anxious mind will have us believing all sorts of things that never actually happen. I would be one minute avoiding a situation in case I felt bad and the next I was not going to let anxiety to win and say I was going. I learnt that when I felt this way, it was far better to just go without thinking about it, just move right into the middle of whatever was having me question it. This attitude probably saved me from a life of avoidance. When I just went I can honestly say sometimes I still felt apprehensive and other times nothing and I have never felt so happy and proud of myself afterwards. Each time just unmasked a little more of the truth behind how I felt and my confidence just grew and grew, I could do anything and go anywhere, it was just my anxious mind that was trying to trick me into believing otherwise. You begin to no longer question or worry about places and situations as you have been there many times before, there is no ‘unknown’ left. This is not to say I run around doing this and that, I just continued to build it up slowly.

Never being impressed by how I felt at any particular time – Too many people use the word setback when really they are just going through the usual up and down stage that anxiety brings. Just as someone with depression can have good and bad days, so can someone from suffering with anxiety, it’s all part and parcel of it. A lot will come on here and say ‘I have cracked it, I have not felt anxious for a few days now, I am free’. I always worry about these posts as when they do have the next anxious moment they will let it throw them into total despair and feel sorry for themselves, wonder and question why, try to scramble their way back to how they felt the week before. Don’t get me wrong it took me a long time to build an attitude of being positive however I felt. Reacting to how you feel day by day or week by week just has you monitoring and fighting how you feel. Good or bad try and smile and get on, the good days will be back as night is day, but don’t try to force them.

Accepting all the oddness as part of me – I suffered pretty badly with D.P and feelings of detachment. One of the hardest things I learnt to do was accept these feelings as part of me, but in time I did. At one time I was trapped in this hell because I spent every waking minute monitoring how I felt, trying everything to fix it, make it better, I became more and more locked in my own mind. I then began to live with it, accept the strangeness as part of me, be it in a conversation or just walking down the road, I no longer let it impress me so much. I almost thought of it as being drunk, I accepted the feelings of drunkenness without a second thought because I understood them. Once I began to understand these feelings of detachment, it became easier to learn to accept them, even though it was tough at times. But again this is what saved me, I began to monitor myself less and less, the world around me began to again take my attention and little by little I felt more and more normal. Seeing someone who was grieving is the same thing, when you get that vacant stare out of them, like they are not really there. This is because they have not been able to think of anything else but the person they have lost, they have had no time for the outside world and have become trapped in themselves and can’t seem to properly connect, but in time they begin to come to terms with it and they take more and more interest in other things and the world around them and normality returns, that is exactly what I had to learn to do.

There are a few more that I will share with you later, but these were my own top 5.

Please feel free to share anything that has helped you, it would be good to list a few from others.

For more help with anxiety visit

For more information about my book ‘At last a life’ visit

410 Responses to “Anxiety tips and tricks”

  1. Scarlet Says:

    “I would say educating myself was by far the most important thing that helped me”

    Me too Paul, by far the most important. I am intrigued by anxiety now rather than fearful, and having this in-depth knowledge (which I gained from this site) has enabled me to realise that anxiety is nothing more than a word, and basically everything that was happening to me, I was doing to myself by my own thoughts and responses to these thoughts. When you realise this too (and believe it)….. you will be free as well.

  2. simon Says:

    I think i managed to control those what if thoughts very well,but the physical symptoms are just hard to handle,it is very hard to live with those symptoms of lightheaded,palpitations etc..if anyone of you have any idea how to managed those physical symptoms of anxiety please share with us.
    As a result of these physical symptoms it let me to have this health anxiety,day in day out i just kept worrying it might be some health problems causing all those symptoms even though been checked out by doctors a numerous times which all test are fine.

  3. Scarlet Says:


    “As a result of these physical symptoms it let me to have this health anxiety,day in day out i just kept worrying it might be some health problems causing all those symptoms even though been checked out by doctors a numerous times which all test are fine.”

    These sound like ‘what if’ thoughts to me 😉

    I had palpitations for around 4 months, recently (I am fully recovered from anxiety for well over two half years). I never overly concerned myself with them, in fact I have heard of numerous people having them, my BIL is a heart specialist and he has had them as well. If you have had the all clear from the doc, then you need to stop thinking about them being a health issue. When you feel the palpitations, occupy yourself with something else and stop overanlaysing the feeling. As for the light-headedness, I had this too, felt drunk a lot (without the drink). I also had vertigo for what seemed like ages, all went when I recovered. Again do not give any weight to these minor annoyances, just carry on with your day alongside them and they will disappear.

  4. Chris Says:

    I feel that excersise has really helped me as well. I make it a point to workout at least every other day, I have found that if I am not careful if you miss a day you need to not stress over this and just get it in the next time. Even after much improvment I still question wether or not I deal with depression or not. The way in which I worry about thisakes me understand it is not depression but anxiety, anyone have any thoughts on that?

  5. Stephen Says:

    Am i accepting wrong?

    When i have a bad thought or negative feeling or simply questioning if im happy and feel ok/normal for the type of day i am having i sorta do the whole “who cares how i feel” and try and move on with my day but i still feel bad/not any better. Sometimes saying “i dont care, or whatever” can make me feel positive and move on easily, othertimes i dont feel positive about it/dont believe it and its hard to then go on and externalise this normal? I guess i need to be moving forward no matter how i feel….

    I really hate that feeling comes and goes really quickly and it all most feels like your about to lose it/go crazy, its hard to explain, but you obviously never do because its anxiety. does anyone else also get this?

    Really good post, just been in a setback for quite sometime :(


  6. amy Says:

    Great positive post :)

    I think what I have learned that has helped me was…(mostly from this site and seeking outside help)…

    Don’t be scared of your feelings (physical or mental). Of course we will feel scared, but once you realize it’s JUST anxiety/panic…you realize it won’t do you any harm. Annoying, yes…frustrating, heck ya…but just try to not let it alarm you and add even more panic!

    Simon…I have a ton of physical symptoms…drives me bonkers and gets me down at times. I think a good start to it is to not let it alarm you, startle you or scare you. You know what it is by now :)

    Also, I used to think that people judged me based on my anxiety. I felt like it defined me and people looked down on me…that is another trick and false thought. I’ve learned that my friends and family love me for sooo much more…my other great qualities. Anxiety in the scheme of my life and my personality isn’t as great as I think. We magnify it sooo badly. Knowing this and realizing this has boosted my confidence much more….as I used to be an incredibly carefree and outgoing person and lost a lot of confidence in myself!

    Thank you Paul for an encouraging post :)

  7. amy Says:


    I know what you’re saying about that quick moment of anxiety or panic that makes you feel like you’re about to lose it. I just try to busy myself with something else right at that moment. Anxiety is such a thought based thing, if we can try and take our minds off of it and redirect our attention it really helps. Sometimes it’s hard to do, just try and walk around the house or water or plant or something!

    I won’t forget about Paul talking about losing his wallet and his mind was completely off anxiety. I have those moments and it feels sooooo good and refreshing. I’m definitely not recovered, but I know in my heart it really is going to take some time…try not to lose the faith :)

  8. amy Says:


    I know what you’re saying about that quick moment of anxiety or panic that makes you feel like you’re about to lose it. I just try to busy myself with something else right at that moment. Anxiety is such a thought based thing, if we can try and take our minds off of it and redirect our attention it really helps. Sometimes it’s hard to do, just try and walk around the house or water or plant or something! I also have the moments where my mind feels like it’s going 1000 miles a minute…I just try and breathe through it and redirect again!

    I won’t forget about Paul talking about losing his wallet and his mind was completely off anxiety. I have those moments and it feels sooooo good and refreshing. I’m definitely not recovered, but I know in my heart it really is going to take some time…try not to lose the faith :)

  9. mike Says:

    I would say that one of things that has helped me the most is to go back doing the things I used to enjoy doing, no matter how mundane. I almost completely stopped when I was at my worst, and sank deeper and deeper into a pit of despair.

    Doing what you love or enjoy gives you something positive to focus on, even if you don’t feel all that positive in yourself.

  10. candie Says:

    I agree with Mike too, something else has to become more important then your anxiety- for me its many things now- but at my worst i shut myself away and it just made me worse

  11. rich Says:

    another top notch desciption from paul…. and i agree the simple fact of accepting this is my normal rhythm was for me the greatest step ever.

    i stopped questioning myself and set apon taking my chances

    the anxiety was always the thing that stopped me from tackling a problem…but the separation of anxiety and problem ment i could accept the feeling of anxiety,almost as a natural response, while address the problem outside the usual context of fear.

    i managed my what ifs to why nots and have become stronger than the majority of people i know.

    its always a tough battle but you can learn to embrace life greater than the “normal” population

  12. MLK Says:

    The things that have helped me is talking about my anxiety and learning from others. I cant even begin to explain how reassuring it is to read about someone dealing with the same thoughts that I have/had. I am in a bit of a setback right now, nothing as serious as before I found Paul’s book, but just the isnt fun! I have to keep reminding myself that it is ok to feel like this, and to accept the thoughts for what they really are..just thoughts! I have been working with mentally ill adults and it has led me to thinking and worrying that I might be schizophrenic, or that I might be in the early stages..and it is hard to shake a thought like that, but I need to recognize how far I have come as well.

    I have been doing the same things I want to do, so I am not hiding away like I used to, but I feel odd and out of it when I do them. Almost as if everything seems weird..which then leads me into the downward spiral of thinking about being mentally ill. I know this will all pass, but I guess I could just use some words of encouragement! Thanks :)

  13. Ged Says:

    Does meditation also assist in recovery? I have been meditating for quite a while now and it seemed to help a little. Does anyone else meditate and feel the effects of it on their anxiety?

  14. sasha Says:


    I could relate to what paul said about i was someone who was doing fine with minor setbacks…but nothing major which made me go ahead..i would take any challenges that would come to me without thinking will i be able to do? whch indeed helped me go forward…
    But, it doesnt last long..there comes a point where i am not able to go on…a major setback would come inbetween as if to remind me that i am not yet free of it..which i try to not take care of it…
    but it lingers..and the energy and positivity which was restored in my mind till then wud have got drained by then
    now its like starting al over again…
    n this is what i hate…
    but as u said Paul, i will try going forward…one day it may reach a point wherein i dont get any anxious reactions to the so called ‘thoughts and feelings’..
    i am feeling low may be thats the reason my post is more negative..
    but still i am saying i have a lot to do and i am going to carry on however i feel…
    as there is no point procrastinating thinking i may feel good…
    its all in the mind and i am assuming i am alright..and when i am having those blips that will pass as well …
    Thanks for the article Paul…!!!!!:)

  15. Eileen Says:

    Simon – I too endure lots of physical symptoms. The latest being feeling ‘trembly’ when I wake up and for part of the morning, and a continual feeling of nausea,sometimes worse than others. I have put up with feelings of lightheadeness, tension headaches etc etc etc.

    Been on loads of medication and had numerous tests….. All tests clear and no medication really helps with anxiety, I have found anyway!

    Currently main problem is the nausea and palpitations…. Really gets on your nerves doesn’t it? Seem to get over one issue and then boom another hits.

    Funnily it helps to know that others are feeling the same. I’m just keeping myself busy thinking that these feelings are all part of the anxiety thing and that one day they may pass.

    Try to remain positive, Eileen

  16. Paul David Says:

    Just a response to what has been posted so far.

    Scarlet Says:

    June 23rd, 2010 at 10:44 am e

    “I would say educating myself was by far the most important thing that helped me”

    Me too Paul, by far the most important. I am intrigued by anxiety now rather than fearful, and having this in-depth knowledge (which I gained from this site) has enabled me to realise that anxiety is nothing more than a word, and basically everything that was happening to me, I was doing to myself by my own thoughts and responses to these thoughts. When you realise this too (and believe it)….. you will be free as well.

    That is exactly the point I got to Scarlet, I was more intriqued and it did just become a word, nothing to throw me and spot on ‘I was also doing this to myself with my thoughts and responses to it’ my change in my attitude/response is what reversed it in time.

    amy Says:

    June 23rd, 2010 at 6:50 pm e

    Great positive post

    I think what I have learned that has helped me was…(mostly from this site and seeking outside help)…

    Don’t be scared of your feelings (physical or mental). Of course we will feel scared, but once you realize it’s JUST anxiety/panic…you realize it won’t do you any harm. Annoying, yes…frustrating, heck ya…but just try to not let it alarm you and add even more panic!

    Great advice Amy, just beginging to see it in a different light is a massive starting point.

    Simon…I have a ton of physical symptoms…drives me bonkers and gets me down at times. I think a good start to it is to not let it alarm you, startle you or scare you. You know what it is by now .

    I like to keep things simple and Simon the only reason you feel physiological symptoms is adrenalin on a tired mind, this will continue while you continue to tire your mind out further with worrying and questioning, your body creates adrenalin constantly because you have learnt to worry at will, the way to teach your body not to create adrenalin at will is to learn to roll with it, to not worry and concern yourself daily with how you feel.

    It is the same with your anxious feelings, your tingly arms and legs. Adrenalin on tired, worn out nerves, the way again is to allow your body to create this adrenalin and not be concerned and alarmed by it. If you actually stop and observe yourself, your mind does feel tired and worn out, your anxious feelings do feel like tired nerves, the adrenalin just excites them further. This is why we feel anxious is situations that we never used to, it takes very little to excite our nerves, adrenalin comes too easy to us. This is why people begin to wonder what is happening, why they used to be able to go places and do simple things without a problem in the past and wonder why it seems difficult now, ‘why do I get anxious about simple things?’ They can do these simple things still, they may just have to do it with excited nerves that’s all, which is simply just a feeling, learning to keep going through this will teach the body that it no longer needs to excite the nerves. So to simplify, to keep living alongside how you feel and don’t let it throw you so much, don’t waste hours on it going round in circles adding more and more worry into the mix.

    I hope that makes sense.

    mike Says:

    June 23rd, 2010 at 8:13 pm e

    I would say that one of things that has helped me the most is to go back doing the things I used to enjoy doing, no matter how mundane. I almost completely stopped when I was at my worst, and sank deeper and deeper into a pit of despair.

    Doing what you love or enjoy gives you something positive to focus on, even if you don’t feel all that positive in yourself.

    Again great point Mike, I wanted to hide away, no longer do things, as they no longer brought me enjoyment. But I realised that hiding away feeling sorry for myself was not the way forward. I had to live a normal life as possible and the old feelings would come back in time. Anxiety can really deplete you emotionally, leading to feelings of can’t be bothered, but it is important we keep dragging that tired and dreary body aroound with us and still live our life.

  17. Sandeep Says:

    One thing that helps me as a constant reminder is that nothing is permanent. I feel crap one day and good the next. I get into a certain way of thinking and develop a fear of something but I remind myself that its irrational and that that too will go away. Its a reminder that good times will come back when you’re most down b/c it’s the mind’s way of finding a solution once you understand what the path to recovery is.

  18. Jo Says:

    I think that excercise is brilliant for anxiety. Sometimes i’ve just felt restless and need to get my heart racing and burn off some nervous energy. It gets rid of the cobwebs! And i think being pro-active with something like that can really help to boost our confidence and re-build our self esteem. Also knowledge about anxiety has been the biggest help. Without it we’d never be able to get over the fear as we’d have no answer for how we felt. Knowing others have shared the same experiences is a huge comfort. The more we involve ourselves with situations that we once would have avoided the better. At one time the word ‘anxiety’ would have brought a wave of panic to me, but now i can read this blog, learn stuff and go away without it bringing on any anxiety symptoms. Sometimes i’ll still have odd thoughts and feelings but i know what they are so i just crack on with my life!


  19. Angela Says:

    Hello everyone!as long as we’re sharing, I’ll tell you a few things which really help/helped me. I would say the ability to dismiss anxious thoughts was probably one of my biggest stepping stones. And they still trick me from time to time, as they are forever changing. One day it’ll be one thing and the next it will be a new feared situation. Worry is a massive part of anxiety, in fact worry is anxitey, so it is very important to learn to dismiss worries. I found that when I feel myself starting to worry I try to catch it early, because I’m so used to it, it’s tempting and strangely satisfying, but I remind myself that if I go down that road, I will feel bad in the long run. So with time of asking yourself, is there really any point in worrying about this?you will come to the point where you reverse the worry pattern which you learnt and which actually made you suffer from anxiety in the first place. Worrying is completely useless, but many of us don’t realise they’re doing it at all..I had absolutely NO idea that I worried AT ALL for such a long time, I just didn’t realise !!And the cost of worry is feeling bad…so just let it go, I know it’s so hard at first , but try to give up some control and practice living in an uncertain world. When I start to worry nowadays, I can just feel when it is absolutely pointless..I call this the ‘worry channel’ in my brain, and I know when I am tapped into it, and I just don’t listen to it..because it’s silly and it makes my life seem difficult and it drains isn’t in touch with reality,it’s irrational, and everyone has it, anxiety or not, it’s just that some people choose not to listen to it as much and therefore lead happier lives. The same goes for self defeating thoughts..there is absolutely no need to take them seriously,just dismiss them like the anxious ones. Also, I used to do a lot of ‘worrying about worrying’ because for some reason (the anxiety trick) I believed that worrying was actually dangerous…well it isn’t actually dangerous, it will just make you feel very anxious, which isn’t dangerous…it’s just not nice to feel that way. So, if anyone else finds themselves worrying about worrying, don’t bother, it’s actually fine..nothing will happen apart from feeling anxious..anxiety makes us believe that something is wrong with us, when there isn’t..and it will latch on to new fears and new worries all the time, the only way to get rid of this is to realise that anything that makes you feel instantly anxious can be dismissed and put into the anxiety related thought box…good luck everyone..I hope my post makes sense x

  20. simon Says:

    Paul : thanks for the info again.
    I believe that accepting and floating is the way to recovery from anxiety symptoms but it is just at times that i know all those symptoms are a bluff from anxiety i still had a bit difficulty believing its all cause by adrenaline,i had most cardiac test done and the doctor told me i am okay as the test result suggestead i am.I am just sick and tired of going through so many medical test every month as just hearing the word ‘hospital’ can make me sick.I tried to live along the symptoms everyday for the past 10 months or more and its a struggle,like u mentioned even doing a simple task such as walking around in the mall with crowded people are enough to sent me into a high anxiety.At times when i think back i just felt so sad as i felt that i struggle to do the things that i could easily do before i had all this anxiety symptoms.

    Eileen : Sorry to hear about the nasuea thing but did u had a check up on that ? yeah palpitations are the most annoyed and scarry one,when i had very bad palpitations and shortness of breathe i just find it hard to believe its anxiety causing it,been in and out of the A&E,so many test done and they told me i am okay,but in the back of my mind i still think what if they missed out something during those test.

  21. Caroline Says:

    Is it anxiety or is it depression? I believe the worst time for me is as I wake. My anxiety leaps on me even before I open my eyes. Then I do that…oh i feel bad, i,m going to have another bad day today, I wont be able to cope, then i feel worse then I worry more and there we go again in the circle. Worrying about worrying, thats me. I feel sick ALL day long and feel that nothing interests me at all, I get no enjoyment from anything. I feel numb. The day is so long and I struggle keeping an eye on my watch all the time waiting for evening to come again so I can run off to bed and shut my eyes. I do find that come the evening I start to calm down and enjoy most evenings with my family and generally sleep really well at night. I know I dont feel uncomfortable all day every day as I have many wonderful days where I feel carefree and love to have visitors or go and do shopping and do all those things I used to love.LIfe feels marvellous. I know i am moving forward but when I have a bad day the good day feelings seem so far away. Anyone got any good advice for morning anxiety feelings. Just seem to set myself up for a bad day alot of the time. Any advice would be great. Also Paul, I cannot explain the tremendous relief I felt when I read your book. I did think I was going mad and needed an explanation for how I felt. I now understand and although I know the above seems very negative believe me that I know I have moved on sooo much since your book. I do have fantastic days and guess i am impatient for a speedy recovery which I know isnt going tohappen. I need to “go with the flow” however difficult. Many thanks

  22. Eric Eckenrode Says:

    I constantly feel detached from myself, like I have to think If i’m real. I also have trouble speaking, as I just constantly listen to my own voice and it just doesn’t sound like me. I also get these thoughts like “why does everthing look and feel so strange, like i’m in a dream, or a prisoner of my mind, why does it feel unreal” Is this depersonalisation? Why do these thoughts seem so bad and bewildering. I would appreciate any positive feedback.


  23. peter Says:

    Hey ive lurked around here a while and for long time I have worked on my anxiety/depression to try not let it envelop me halting me from enjoying life. Now while ive started to make serious positive steps in my life again and am excited that I have confidence and the will to try things, I feel my mind and my personality is going off the rails.

    I feel ive somehow regressed to an adolescent again. Finding myself taking greater risks, aggression is a big one, with little control and methodical thought im used to…its purely impulsive.

    Feels like my mind has been under such a blinding restriction for such a long time I deserve to take a chance to final do what I want in a sense. Its just that I still hold the feeling of responsibility to my future and others.

    How do you maintain balance when you’re so determined not to be in any kind of fear?

    I stopped asking why I was feeling anxious or depressed and just kept going regardless like having gum stuck on my shoe…just gotta keep walking, but it seems I have lost touch with my natural boundaries. I find it hard to explain but if in extreme terms id say if I take away the fear how do you spot the danger/stupidity in cases.

    I think ill refind my boundaries eventually its just confusing when you feel like your getting better then suddenly you don’t know where your going.

  24. Lisa S Says:

    Hello everyone this is the first time I have posted on this blog, I have suffered from anxiety for about 3 months, I would just like to thank Paul for taking the time to write his book and creating this blog as it has really helped me.

    My anxiety was always worse in the mornings, I used to wake up everyday feeling anxious, having heart palputatuions and analysing how I felt, I would spend my whole day feeling awful and worrying about why I felt that way, since reading the blog and Pauls book these symptoms have all faded, I now understand that it was just anxiety and excess adrenaline that was causing these symptoms so I no longer worry about them.

    Although I feel that I have improved massively I still have thoughts that I will never fully recover and that I won’t be able to cope, although I try to let these thoughts in and out without worrying about them they still make me feel slightly anxious, I sometimes feel like I am doing this to myself as they seem to come when I’m not even feeling anxious, is this just out of habit ? does anyone have the same problem ? I feel like this is the only thing that is holding be back from recovery.


  25. Patrick Says:

    Sandeep Says:

    June 24th, 2010 at 9:42 am
    One thing that helps me as a constant reminder is that nothing is permanent. I feel crap one day and good the next.

    Hi Sandeep, that is a really good tip and helped me massively when I was suffering from GAD. I’m fully recovered btw but during my recovery I got to the point where I could say, OK so I feel bad today, but I know this will pass eventually – and believe me it ALWAYS did. Just like everyone says, once you can learn to live with bad days without too much trouble, there isn’t much left to fear.

    Another tip is that I used to worry about when I was recovered, how would I stop falling back into having GAD again? Let me tell you this is just another fear heightened by adrenelin and now that I am recovered, I have no fear. If it happens again, so what – let it be, I really and truly no longer care or worry about it!

    All the best


  26. Chris Says:

    Paul or anyone who has experienced this pattern,

    I could really use a bit of help here, I have struggeled with intrusive thoughts for about 10 years off and on. I know it started out with anxiety and stress built up as a young adult. I have been able to properly place some of the thoughts I used to have and can easily dimiss them if they happen on occasion. The one thougt that has caused me alot of fear Is the word suicide or the thought of it. I find myself trying to convince myself that I would not do it or trying to think of somthing that would change the way I felt at that time. Can anyone help hive some advise that would help me overcome this fear. I hear about exposure thearepy and the like but not sure how that would work in this situation. I get very confused at times trying to figure out if this is what I want or is it just anxiety. Am I alone with this or do you find this as comon and your book and techniques can still apply here?

  27. lisa Says:

    chris its just a word, dont try and dismiss it,allow it but let it pass. its abit like someone afraid of snakes, spiders,dentist.allow yorself to feel it when the word comes in your mind, let it come let it go, dont battle with it, once you acknowledge and show no fear itl stop bothering n again itl pop in, but youl hardly notice :)

  28. christina Says:

    So good to read your posts, Patrick. We have pretty similar anxiety “stories”. You are a couple steps ahead of me in recovery. I am so happy to hear you have lost your fear of whatever sensations you might have, and that your nerves are healed!

    God bless you!

  29. christina Says:

    So good to read your posts, Patrick. We have similar anxiety “stories”. You are a couple steps ahead of me in recovery. I’m so happy you are recovered and have lost your fear of the sensations and thoughts anxiety can bring.

    God bless you!

  30. Mark R Says:

    One of the biggest things that has helped me is to have something else to focus on. Yes I know this sounds cliche’ but it really is true. I am a massive fan of Claire Weekes and her ways and she always stated that acceptance and occupation are the keystones to recovery.

    It doesn’t have to be life changing……just something bigger than yourself to take your mind off your worrying and misery and let your body and mind heal. For me it was starting an ebay business.

    So try anything, rekindle and old passion………….fix computers, fix cars, learn an instrument, learn anything, do something that will give yourself a sense of self worth and achievement and take your mind off exhausting and wasteful worries.

  31. Patrick Says:

    Chris – I agree with Lisa, I had suicide thoughts and many other thoughts but I got to the point where I had a thought and could laugh it off, I just let my thoughts do whatever they wanted to do. Yes, it takes practice but remember, a thought is a thought, not reality. A thought cannot harm you – in an anxious state it can make you feel awful, but so what ?? I never thought I would get past my obvsessive thoughts, they plagued me 24 7 for months but over time they dissipated and now I think better and clearer than I ever have . . I still think random and stupid thoughts – every body does with anxiety or no anxiety but now they pop in and out without making me anxious . .

    Good luck


  32. Patrick Says:

    Christina, thanks – I spent so long wondering “how do I accept ??” the changing point for me was when somebody posted that it took them a year to accept. Rather than filling me with more panic this actually made me relax and ask myself why I thought I could or should learn to accept in a matter of hours!! I stopped posting and looking for “answers” at that point.

    My advice to anybody would be that IF there is a key to recovery it would be TIME. I got to the point where I really no longer cared how I felt, I could live normally despite mental and physical symptoms. Once you get to this point, I found I got less and less interested in how I felt, and really started to be able to focus and take an interest in other things, until eventually I felt better. There were many ups and downs and two periods where I felt worse than ever (Setbacks) but even during the 2nd setback, I was far more interested in other things despite feeling truly awful to let it bother me too much and it just passed without me doing anything.

    All the best


  33. Wayne Says:

    The people on this site who spend the time to answer the questions and put the fears to rest most of us have that has helped me the most.

    For me it was finding this site and reading every piece of this website Paul put together. When I first posted Diana (I hope you are well), helped me out so much by replying to my blogs and being straight forward with me.

    More recently Candie has helped me out with some recovery and setback concerns of mine.

  34. Chris Says:

    Thank you guys so much for the incouragment. Somtimes the bad times just seam to overshadow the good days. Just trying not to dwell on the intrusive thoughts I have been having so much of lately.

  35. candie Says:

    Chris, it is deffinately an anxiety thought- a person who trually wanted to commit suicide would experience NO mental anguish at the thought of it, they wouldnt feel anxious at the idea of it- they would welcome the relief of there life been over. This is how i realised this thought was silly for me, but in all honestly true recovery came when i stopped trying to reason with the thoughts, i did as patrick did.. if i felt anxious over a thought i just refused to figure it out mentally, and new it would pass. Once you can do that and not be impressed by the anxiety, your thinking will correct itself as there is no inner battle of anxiety fuelling it

  36. yolande Says:

    hi all

    Paul, this is a very timing blog. I would say i always let a few anxious or moments when i feel v blue get me down. learning how to let it go and not be too bothered by it is the hardest thing for me, but i am learning and managing it sometimes and sometimes not.

    before anxiety hit me, i just get along when i feel down. now, i keep wondering if it’s normal down days or caused by anxiety. i have learnt not to bother if it’s anxiety caused or not as ppl without anxiety do get really down days too. mainly i just ride it out when it happens.

  37. yolande Says:

    Hi Patrick

    Just curious. How long did it take you to fully recover?

    Candie, can you share anything with me on how to get past when i feel really down? thanks

  38. candie Says:

    Yolande, if i ever feel low i just look at my negative thinking causing it, accept that i have made myself feel low either by reacting and making myself anxious.. or thinking really negative thoughts and analysing them. Once i realise this i then can stop myself following negative trains of thought and i dont try to rid myself of the low feeling. The best piece of advice i can give you is this- the only differance between an anxious person been low and the normal lows of everyday life for the average person is that the anxious person will battle with it, trying to figure it out and push it away which is why anxiety will persue them. If you try to hard to make a feeling go away it will persist to bother you, as you have made it bigger and more important in your mind then it really is. If you decide ok, i feel bad but its ok- feeling bad has never harmed me, its not nice but it will pass and il just get on with it in the background. Decide to embrace it- when you feel bad go do everything regardless and over time you will stop feeling bad as you will see it for what it is- nothing but feelings created by your own thinking and reacting

  39. Paul David Says:

    Another tip is that I used to worry about when I was recovered, how would I stop falling back into having GAD again? Let me tell you this is just another fear heightened by adrenelin and now that I am recovered, I have no fear. If it happens again, so what – let it be, I really and truly no longer care or worry about it!

    All the best


    Good advice Patrick and something I preach often. I used to feel great and try and almost hold onto that feeling ‘Please don’t leave me and let me feel anxious/lost again’ I would then begin to watch myself again, hoping the good feelings would not go. I learnt to do the exact opposite and just live and no longer concern myself with me, if the feelings came back, then so what, it’s fine. This attitude has such a relaxed, less tense approach and again stops ‘you’ being the focus of your day, it really helped.

  40. Carole Says:

    Hi there,
    I keep Paul’s book very handy as I believe that education is the key to all this. If I feel myself getting anxious I go upstairs where it is quite with a cup of tea and read it again as he says that we can’t learn it all at once, plus we do tend to forget things. When we re-read it it jogs our memory and we do a a big sigh aaaaaahhhhhh.
    I have found the more I read it the more I educate myself and the less anxious I get.
    One question I do have though, I have now started the menopause and it has heightend my anxiety level. As I have been educated on it I know how to control it. One thing though, I had an overwhelming wave of panic when I was out driving the other day, it was awful all I wanted to do was get off the road and pull over. I became aware of how I was driving instead of automatically doing it. It was a very strange feeling indeed, which has put me off going on motorways. I need to overcome this really quickly. It happened about 3 years ago the same thing, I wouldn’t drive on that stretch of road until one day I thought, I am not having this so I faced it, it was unnerving but I did it, again and again. But this road I don’t know why it happened. I think it has something to do with the menopause. Anyone else had this happen to them.

  41. yolande Says:

    Thank you Candie! This has helped me as i have been feeling really low these past few days. Many thanks

  42. candie Says:

    yolande we all feel low at times, you are just fighting feeling low and pushing it away..theres nothing wrong with you other then you are battling with yourself :)

  43. Angela Says:

    on the feeling low thing…..since I have had anxiety, I hardly ever cry anymore..all I can do when I feel upset about something is go around and around in my head in circles.It’s pretty annoying sometimes so then I say to myself ‘just cry’ maybe you’ll feel better..then I think,if I have to make the decision to cry, it’s not really natural either. So I just keep thinking……It’s pretty annoying, it is getting better though as time goes on. I remember when it was really bad and every emotion was exaggerated and I’d freak out completely everytime I felt sad. I don’t know, will this go back to normal again too?Actually I don’t even really need to ask, it definetely will as soon as I can just accept being sad, going around and around in your head when you feel upset about something is just a way to try and not feel upset which in turn means you’re not accepting the fact that-for the time being- you’re upset.It’s just silly isn’t it really..just overthinking every little thing. But it is to be expected..

  44. Patrick Says:

    yolande Says:

    June 27th, 2010 at 12:38 pm
    Hi Patrick

    Just curious. How long did it take you to fully recover?

    Difficult to answer but I had a major breakdown in December 2008. I’d had bouts of anxiety on and off all my life but this was the start of full on GAD I guess. I spent about four awful months searching and looking for answers, spending money on quick cures, hypnotherapy, just generally falling further and further into myself and despair. I had terrible physical symptoms (shakes, DP, sickness, sweats, headaches) and never slept properly for weeks, and mentally I couldn’t think straight, would sit for hours just staring into space, my thoughts were dominated by how I must get rid of this awful thing and get better and I could focus on nothing else.

    I found this site at the end of April and hung around a lot reading and consuming information and posting etc. Maybe by around July I was beginning to feel slight interest in other things again, though only in dribs and drabs, and by August I still had all the same symptoms, DP, shakes etc but mayeb not quite as severe as before for the most part. By September I finally realised that I had to go it alone or I would never break the cycle. There was nothing else I could ask or post, I had just been going round in circles. This was tough and I had some really bad depression days where I just felt numb and still had physical symptoms. I had many many many bad days but actually was having some OK days as well. I think by the end of October, I was maybe having a few more good days, although still had depression and a lot of bad days. I did pop in here a few times to post but I have to say that by December, I was generally feeling a lot brighter – I still had symptoms, but just felt I could live with them easier. I had a pretty bad depressive state over Christmas but have to say this as the turning point as by January I seemed to emerge almost a new person, and I would say that by the end of January, I was having a lot of good days and it was at this time that the DP vanished after having it since about March; and I think by the end of February, the bad days had just about vanished. I had two setbacks shorty after after having weeks of feeling great, but I would say that since February I have only had a few weeks where I have felt bad.

    So in summary, from feeling absolute rock bottom in April last year, it took me personally until January to feel pretty much “normal” again. But really, despite still having symptoms, I really have to say that since September / October last year, I have pretty much been OK and managed to live along side anxiety without too much issue.

    I have known people recover quicker, and people recover slower, but it makes no difference, once you can learn to live along side it, recovery is inevitable and honestly since October, I could not care less about recovery: I really was OK and living alongside anxiety.

    Really hope that helps – this is a brief summary but believe me it has been very difficult, I suffered terrible physical and mental symptoms for months, and but actually I wouldn’t change it as I really have emerged a far better and stronger person than I ever was.


  45. selma Says:

    things that have helped me:

    spending time off the computer, googling, searching, etc etc. (when i’m strong enough to do that!) – probably #1

    being totally engaged and focused on something project-oriented. as cliche as that sounds, when i am busy and focused, i am usually not focusing on anxiety. i look at times in my life when i was anxiety-free and i was always super busy either on a work project or with my newborn baby, etc. i have just taken up a new goal for my work and i’m trying to channel my energy there.

    spending time outdoors, in the sun

    eating healthy, slowly, and frequently. (and for me, eliminating gluten)

    for me, faith and God. reading about faith, spirituality, the Power of Now, etc.

    looking ahead each week and planning each day so that i am busy, booked, and active

    trying to remind myself and believe that is IS possible not only to be free of anxiety, but to feel GOOD and happy and energetic about life

    THIS IS A BIG ONE: not putting all of my hope into one magic bullet – there is not one diet, supplement, book, mantra, yoga position etc etc that is going to suddenly release all of my anxiety forever. there might be MANY things that HELP get me there. and if a little medication is needed sometimes, oh well but not even medication is the magic holy grail. once i stopped searching for the holy grail, i allowed myself to start to relax a little and realize that certain things might help me but that ultimately only myself or some power greater than me is capable of a lasting freedom from anxiety

  46. selma Says:

    all of this being said, i am not 100% recovered. some days i feel like crap and then for weeks i feel great. i just know that somehow i have a more positive outlook on it and a greater sense of peace about it, despite some days or moments that still feel like torture….

  47. selma Says:

    also, on a side note- funny but sometimes exercise makes me feel WORSE and i kind of get a sense of when that is. i must be run down or something….so sometimes, it is a great picker upper but for me, sometimes, i need to just relax and rest. who knows why…

  48. chicago jenny Says:

    These books have helped me a lot: When Panic Attacks by David Burns and Peace from Nervous Suffering by Claire Weekes. I wish doctors would recommend books to people instead of just writing prescriptions.

  49. lorryt Says:

    just read the post, and its all so true. I spent so long looking for why i felt like it , and that i would never get out of it that it was a vicious circle, and pulling me more inward and less outward. now i feel a totally different person, so much more confident and outgoing at last living my life as i should without worrying about all the what ifs all the time. i have the odd thought now and again about the future, and it sometimes scares me ,but its just a thought its not fact and how can anyone know whats gonna happen in th next 1/2 hour let alone next week etc. I guess without realising it i have accepted it and am living without thinking about it, which feels so goood. i feel i am enjoying teh moment in everything i do , and have purposely put myself in situations that at one time i would have been very anxious, and i got a bit wobbly but so what !!!. i can finally say that i have the tools to recover and i know how to use them . It has taken me a long time more time tahn i had ever expected but thats not the point, i am healing and progress is progress…i am doing all the things now that i should have done years ago, and all the things that Paul recommended.I no longer search on here for support or reassurance, i realise that i have it all within me to recover. wow i didnt mean to go on as much but i am so pleased and grateful that i have got this far. And a big thanks to all of you who were there for me in my times of need . As i always say this is a great place to be and has helped so many people. have a great day xxxxx

  50. Andrew Says:

    Hi Patrick

    Just looking over some of your recent posts on this and the previous subject and I can see lots of similarities with myself. I am also GAD and suffer with not only physical symptoms but also mental symtoms which you also have alluded to. I try as per Pauls advise (I have the book) to let unwanted thoughts in and just ignore them, this can be easier some days that others, I dont know why! One other aspect is seeing comments in newspapers or even signposts with such comments as ‘way out’ which I can find frightning (I suppose the way out must be my mind connecting that to suicide), which I have no intention of doing I just find it frightening,I know it’s weird!! When also reading a bad news story perhaps about a story of an accident I can see the incident in my head and upset myself. I suppose the advise i’m after is do I just let myself see things and feel the fear of it but not respond emotionally? and if I do am I better just feeling it or try to divert my attention elsewhere. I suppose the concern is letting it become my permanant way of thinking through habit and then being unable to stop.

    Also something you have mentioned in previous posts is the 24/7 focus on the subject of anxiety/stress/depression ect total inward thinking and focus on myself. I try to ignore and get on with my day and ignore it, I work full time, go for days out with the kids have a social life ect but stlll feel as though I can do all that but still be completley focused on myself. I was hoping after a while this inward thinking would being to lift after over 2 years of suffering but so far not yet! Although I note it also took you some time to recover.

    In relation to the post subject I have made some valuble changes to my life that I have found helpful not only to my tired nerves but general health such as reducing alcohol and caffine, swimming once a week and having a massage. I am doing my best to control my stress levels which is difficult as I regulaly work 50 hours a week in a demanding job (I have no way of leaving this to do something else) 2 young children and a highly strung wife who was aware of my difficulties in the beginning but quickly became unsupportive, as far as she is concerned I have recovered so I have to hide Pauls book at the back of the cupboard along with some Clare Weeks books!

    I have had Pauls book for a few months and am now using this site although I dont want the support to turn into a crutch, when I dont feel great I tend to log on, although I have stopped googling like I did in the beginning. There will come a point soon where I will have to leave the subject/this site/books behind to reassure myself.

    Thanks to Paul and this site it is a great help, far more than the therapist s who I have seen, including 1 who cost £110 a session who told me my anxiety was caused by toxins from food and washing powder!! Recovery must come from within and im doing my best to follow all the advise from this site.

    Thanks all

  51. Patrick Says:

    Andrew Says:

    Also something you have mentioned in previous posts is the 24/7 focus on the subject of anxiety/stress/depression ect total inward thinking and focus on myself. I try to ignore and get on with my day and ignore it, I work full time, go for days out with the kids have a social life ect but stlll feel as though I can do all that but still be completley focused on myself. I was hoping after a while this inward thinking would being to lift after over 2 years of suffering but so far not yet! Although I note it also took you some time to recover.

    Hi Andrew – I think you are still seeing the inward thinking as a “problem” – this was me too, I could kind of accept the physical side of things but desperately wanted to stop thinking 24 / 7 inwardly. I felt sure there was something I was doing wrong etc, but in reality, inward thinking is just a symptom, albeit a very frustrating one, and for me was my worst symptom, far worse than any physical one, even DP.

    I think the aim here is to not “banish” the inward thinking, but see it as a symptom that once you learn isn’t a problem will fade away. I spent months trying to banish it, distract my mind etc, all of which did not help one bit.

    I eventually realised after much advice on here, that I was seeing it as a problem, therefore it was a problem, so I began to kind of open a dialogue in my mind that welcomed inward thinking. If I had moments where I was distracted, and had that rush of realisation that hey I was back to inward thinking, I would say, Brilliant, back to me again!

    I spent so long inward thinking that I never thought I would think straight again, but try to see it as just a symptom and go with it, enjoy it, welcome it, if you have moments of distraction, say to yourself, hey must get back to me again! I would say, hey still thinking about me but so what, I no longer care. But I really meant it, these weren’t just little phrases, I truly didn’t care anymore.

    Hope that makes sense, others have said the same thing better, but you can get back to thinking normally. It will take time, but if you can get to the point where you aren’t bothered by it, then it doesn’t matter.

    Take care


  52. sasha Says:

    I just have few queries…Pls help: Paul, patrik,candie, scarlet!! or anyone??

    i was a person who keeps thinking ,i should say overthinking and finally worrying unnecessarily..!
    i realised all those things only after i got into this dip!
    now i know most of the thinking is so unnecessary which brings the mind into a negative state of mind..
    my query is does it happen like this?i feel i am recovering now from most of the symptoms..
    wen i am feeling alright i am be doing something or the other to engage myself..but wen i remember that i have these becomes a necessity to think of something !..its like my mind cannot remain blank it needs to think always whch i hate doing now!!!…
    as i had days wherein i dont think of anything..going through the flow of life..and was able to carry on with my life however i felt as there was no thoughts to hinder how i feel..
    but now wen i feel totally fine my mind forces me to kind of think of something even when i am relaxed this makes me i dont want to think anything out of compulsion after getting to know how i landed here is all because of my unwanted thoughts..which makes me feel bad and i want to get rid of this unnecessary thinking process!!!which will only getting me worse
    Pls anyone help me get out of this habit of getting on to something purely to keep my mind occupied, instead make me focus on what i do,make me feel relaxed…
    any oneliners or anything to put an end to that habit of thinking analysing n worrying!! now i realise even before falling into this i had the habit of overthinking which eventually turned out to be like this!… after it reached its saturation..
    so i want to change the way i think basically..i am oer most ofthe symptoms and i am not scared of it aymore now i feel i need to change the way my mind wanders..
    i feel its time to rewire my mind for the new calm peaceful ME to emerge
    i think u all got me?

    Pls help!…Anyone?? Paul, patrik,candie or scarlet!!

  53. Lisa H Says:

    Sasha,i think Andrew has pretty much answered what you have asked. Think its the last bit of recovery as it is still the bit that follows me around-personally there is still a little bit of doubt hidden in there regarding the thoughts even though i know i am almost there.
    If something is still bothering us-this is what we have got to change-welcome it!!!
    Ihave my moments were i can totally accept the inward thinking and then other times were bad habit(and thats all it is) take me back to analysing thoughts. Most people on here will say that this is the bit that seems to take forever to go and no one liners will do it. It will just take some practice of re-inforcing that you are not scared anymore-you,ve got to do a bit of re-wiring thats all.
    If your mind wants to wander it will-everyones does,yours did too before all this started,its just you didn’t react to any of it,you need to get back to this by allowing yourself to go wherever-i know this is tricky but it is the last bit of insulation that will protect us from ever being so anxious again.
    Hope this may help a little,xx

  54. Patrick Says:

    Lisa H Says:

    July 1st, 2010 at 8:23 am
    If your mind wants to wander it will-everyones does,yours did too before all this started,its just you didn’t react to any of it,you need to get back to this by allowing yourself to go wherever.

    That’s right, now that I am recovered, I see my mind still wanders, still thinks random thoughts etc, except I don’t have any issue with it anymore. It’s all about perspective; somebody said last year that anxiety is like a forest, all you can see is trees and darkness – and recovery is the journey coming out of the forest – it doesn’t matter how deep in the forest you are, as you get nearer the edge it gets brighter and you can see a bit clearer as the trees start to thin.

    Now that I have stepped out of the “forest”, I can totally see it what it is!! The trees were always there, it was just from my perspective in the forest, they were scary and there were lots of them!

  55. lisa Says:

    sasha listen to the advise its spot on, let it think, let it wander but dont be impressed by it, acknowledge its wondered off but get on with watever your doing. my daughters prom tonight i dont no whos more excited me or her :)

  56. sasha Says:

    Thanks Patrick and lisa…!!!

    I was worried because i hav this habit of worrying even before i got into this one… it was even dreadful to think i am going back though i feel i have recovered from almost all symptoms…
    it was easy to live when there was no thoughts…so much of peace!!
    but as u all said it may take a WHILE…
    as i had been through the ‘forest’ all this while..i ‘ll go till the end!!

    just that I’m not able to focus on anything and go ‘free’ with the flow of life instead sctrutanise the minutest details which indeed is such a pain!!..
    but i am going to chuck off everything as just plain random thoughts..
    problem is that i get carried away sometimes according to the thoughts and dont get to do what i’m actually supposed to do for the day!
    i think i have to add in a lot of things into my life and make it busy..!!

    THanks to both of u once again…!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    do u guys add a lot of things to your day today life and do u feel much better than how u felt before u got into this? i mean stronger, at peace, happier?

  57. Patrick Says:

    sasha Says:

    do u guys add a lot of things to your day today life and do u feel much better than how u felt before u got into this?

    I am definitely stronger and yes, at peace, more so than I was before as I have always had anxious periods through my life since I was a child.

    Don’t worry that you can’t focus properly, I spent months like that but it is not permanent – I can focus properly now without having to try – it just comes naturally.

  58. lisa Says:

    yes just dont force it or your back to fighting again.i was up town this morning, choosing nail varnish, to vegs for sunday, to think what to cook for tea tonight etc…its all normal..i just let them ramble on and refocus back to what i was doing in that moment,. im back to work now,a mother of 2,and hubby works away all week ,i was a strong person before anxiety but a stronger person for going through it.

  59. candie Says:

    Been stuck in your head is harmless, i had it for years- its because we analyse outself that much all our thinking temporarily becomes concious thought. With me i just let the focus be on me.. i was never happy for it to be on me, dont get me wrong- i was just not pushing it away. Instead of waiting for it to go away, i decided it would when i stopped focussing on the attention been on me.. so i got super busy, i didnt do it to rid myself of how i felt. I did it as i new the me before anxiety would do lots of housework, hobbies etc and to get that part of myself back i had to make an effort to put myself in situations regardless of inward thinking and any anxiety symptom. Over time, it just went away. Its like anything with anxiety, if you focus on it you will obsessively think or feel it. If i was to focus on my breathing for long enough id find i couldnt breath naturally- and if i was to try forcing the natural rythem of breathing id feel very breathless. So for now just allow yourself to be this way, understand that it will go away when you stop trying to make it go away. hope that helps

  60. lisa Says:

    your so right candie i was the same, its a great feeling when you can think my god did i really do that or think that!! :)

  61. Teresa J Says:

    I feel I came on in lumps – lol. The understanding of a certain way lasts for a while and then it’s like changing gear and going into another level. You do have times when you’ve think you’ve gone back – and maybe for a little while you are duped into believing that – but you never can really go back to how you were because your understanding has changed. The most helpful thing for me was obviously Paul’s book and this site but from that it was the information that you need to walk with the moment, let it change itself instead of trying to change it – once whatever you are chasing away leaves you, even momentarily, you recognise it for what it is and then can treat it with the disdain it deserves by not paying it any attention, it lessens and goes. I have had problems with not reacting to the next thing, and the next… but they all deserve the same treatment. I did find as well that is very important to find something you really enjoy doing – a hobby perhaps, something that has the power to capture you completely. It won’t always release you but if you apply yourself to it you will find your attention being grabbed by it, even if only for a little time to start with – but enough to give you a glimpse.

    I have come a long way – and this is not a whinge but i could do with some advice about the stage I seem to be at. I don’t avoid, I get on with ‘anxiety symptoms ‘ if i have them etc. however – I have found that I know that I am over reacting to real things. how do people find themselves reacting to pain etc regarding normal illnesses. Do you find that this can be a problem of over reaction – this seems to be the one bit that I cannot let go of –
    Some brilliant and inspirational posts – well done to everyone.

  62. Trisha Says:

    Hi Paul and all.,
    Not posted a comment in a long time. I take a glance at the posts from time to time to help me stay on track. Paul i just want to say thanks. i just took a trip to another country on my own and back. Never did i think even last year that i could achieve this with such confidence. Since finding this website and everyones support last year i feel i have my life back. I just needed to learn and educate myself about how to cope and deal with my symptoms with out the fear. I woulnd’t say im totally recovered some time left to go but the difference is unbelievable and feeling more like my old self and so much more confident and not avoiding like i used to. I understand what i have to do. It is true that some weeks are great then the anxiety comes back and though its really annoying focusing on it and giving it all that energy really just prolongs it when there really is no need. I found when i got on the plane and started my travels on my own i literally had no anxiety, i felt great for the week i was there. The reason i feel this is because i was so focused on keeping busy and my thoughts were on , getting there and the week a head, i wasn;t thinking about how i felt so much. however the funny thing is on travelling back to the airport on the last day i started to feel anxious perhaps because it sunk in what i had achieved and i was ready to get home. My anxiety was quite bad on the journey home so as a result on my first day back at work i was exhausted from mental focusing on the trip back. I now know that it was me who was creating this anxiety as i had none for a week untill i started thinking Uusally i would zone in on this and it lasts for ages. I find if im tired my anxiety is evident but im not going to focus on it and just keep planning a head and keeping busy and i know it will pass. I think your right some times its the build up to something if we keep worrying and building it up in our head creating so much anxiety about something then we are going to keep analysing ourselves during it. I know its easier said then done, i still do it sometimes. i quess its breaking a habit, i was a big worrier as a child so its breaking the pattern. I know i have a way to go but i was feeling so desperate just 8 months ago ( i know you dont count the months!) but from following your bloggers and your own tips i finally feel i can enjoy every day things and not be feeling so detached all the time. It is hard and we need to not put so much pressure on ourselves and make ourselves feel bad if we dont succeed im sure it takes time. The months just go and life goes on, we might as well enjoy it along the way to recovery. Thanks again keep up the great posts. T

  63. Paul David Says:

    That’s great Trisha on the trip and credit for going. Your line below is so very true :

    ‘It is true that some weeks are great then the anxiety comes back and though its really annoying focusing on it and giving it all that energy really just prolongs it when there really is no need.’

    Nice to see you popping in.


  64. sasha Says:

    Thanks Lisa, Patric, candie teresa n Paul…

    Teresa said ” I feel I came on in lumps – lol. The understanding of a certain way lasts for a while and then it’s like changing gear and going into another level. ”

    This was so TRUE in my case…
    but it left me with great realisations!!! that even before getting into this i did not know about myself…thoughts always determined the way i felt..and i thought that was always the REALITY!!

    i was wondering always why i felt the way i did…beacuse i was mostly feeling very dull and the tiniest of incidents would have hurt me to the core and that would leave me totally saddened for the rest of the day. i was a victim of my own mind..! and i could n’t help without doing the thinking!

    i think i was very conscious of what i say, what i do that it doesnt hurt anyone…whcih got into my head i dont want anyone to hurt me as well..i guess thats the root cause of all…BEING CONSCIOUS of everything i do or say…!!and to add to that anxiety was also there !

    Paul what you said was totally true…recovery will come to you in layers..
    initially wen i got into this i was totally numb..just flowed through the day..i never ever knew i will be here today..!!!

    but the later stages i was totally fine…when i had slight DP my mind wouldn’t creep into unneccessary and wasteful thoughts…its just about what i should do for the day and i felt so happy and fresh inspite of slight DP ..i was going on for days like was easy..i can decide what i had to do rather than feelings determining what i should do..

    now after the next layer i came to a more clearer frame of mind..wherein my mind started to wander and wasnt able to focus much on what i do..i am not talking about setback..i have almost got over DP and other symptoms..and i can feel the old me which is infact scaring me..!!!

    can u all imagine that? all this while i was waiting for this moment and now i feel glimpses of it i feel i may get back to old habits of overanalysing that got me eventually into this which i hate now..but it has started its way on to me…
    it really affects my mood…
    greatest realisation of all time..!! y i always felt dull…the thoughts determined my feelings and the way i behave…!
    now i want to rewire my life…less thoughts…and being present on the present moment…!

    i feel i want a better me andnot the old me who always got hurt because i always think in other people’s perspective subconsciously and wasnt able to express myself and hence was seeing the glass half empty..!

    i guess keeping myself occupied most of the time..and while talking jus focusing on the subject rather than how it feels for me…
    as u all said in due course will get back on track…i dont want to be the old me..i actally want to use the realisations and lessons i learnt through my journey..but it was easy then as i hardly had emotions then now when emotions are coming fresh i feel i am not able to cope up…!

    anyways i am welcoming the new journey to a better me who is self reliant and emotionally resilient..!!
    anyone had a similar experience while recovering the final stages?
    Cheers and have a great day my friends….!!!

  65. Teresa J Says:

    It’s true, you do have these layers, lumps of understanding – Sasha,I know that feeling you talk about with the almost happy to be numb feeling. I did have dp(I think) but it was a very long time ago and once it clicked that it didn’t matter – it was not a threat or anything to worry about I tended to live in it’s bubble ,which was not a problem, like a surreal world which numbs you almost excuses you from ‘having to feel normal’. I have learnt so much about my own personality too – that ‘caring’ too much. Feeling other peoples’ hurt, and being too emotional. I have always been emotional, even as a child – but strong with it. These layers are funny things – you gain so much understanding that all of a sudden ‘intellectually’ you are aware of whats going on – emotionally I need to be tougher, resilient as you put it. But I wonder if my ‘actual’ personality is the weakness here hence the reason I’m not moving through this final layer.
    Paul says in his notes on this site that it was ‘knowledge’ of the subject which gave him the understanding to move forward through this and then leaving go and putting the knowledge into practice. I keep feeling that I am missing something here,with me it’s the knowledge of how we cope with over reaction to real symptoms/illness – I need to be able to adapt the realisations i have learnt from here to cope with ‘life’, but for some reason i feel like i am in groundhog day. LOL. It is more than likely part of recovery for both of us, it’s a form of acceptance we need to adapt to.
    I think a lot of us on here are people who feel/care a lot and therefore that has been a big part of us ‘burning out’ in the first place – you won’t let that happen again, an inner intelligence will now kick in . Hope you have a good journey today. All the best.

  66. steph Says:

    Hi everyone, i have not posted for while yet always check in from time to time and its glad to see familiar people still posting and doing great! i like the positivity of these the minute i guess im in a bit of a set back the usual physical symptoms along with a great big dose of DP! thing is with me i have had few ups and downs this year with mum being ill, breaking up and i take it all on board then suddenley crumble!which is understandable as my nerves are probably shattered with the stress and worry of it all! i have been on a few dates with someone recentley and am due to meet them and as im feeling bit anxious im reading into everything and panicking at the thought of me acting differentley in fornt of this person and send them running for the hills! which is making me apprehensive about meeting them, im a little frustrated with myself because i know this is just my anxiety playing up and i dont want to start avoiding which to be honest i have rareley done before. Pauls post is great with regards to the way he felt in situations like this and went for it anyway, has anyone else had this problem in a setback? any advice is welcome. thanks, steph.

  67. Teresa J Says:

    Hello Steph
    There are probably people better able to advise you on this but seeing as I am here and do have quite a bit of experience perhaps i can give you an opinion as I am looking at it from another angle to you – and sometimes that helps a lot, seeing it from someone else’s perspective. You have had a hard time on your nerves this year and therefore you are sensitive – however you are sensitive to the thought process which happens before an event not what will happen when you actually go on the date. This date is probably important to you and therefore your adrenaline has directed itself to the thoughts of ‘what if’ around this particular area. You can gaurantee it will pick on the most important area to you – as this is where it finds the fear to feed on. Accept this, it’s not nice i know – you would far rather be looking forward to the date but it’s all just one thopught or another – whether you are looking forward or dreading or fearing – it’s all thought, what actually happens is another thing. you will forget yourself , you may tune into yourself and then forget yourself again but try and go and just accept however it goes, take the pressure off. no one will run to the hills, believe me – takes a lot more than that. It’s your anxiety telling you stories – just think Jackanory, lol. I’m not making light of it i know how convincing the stories are – but don’t be put off, you’ve obviously done so well so far. good luck, hope it goes well for you.

  68. Linda Nordhues Says:

    It is a long holiday weekend in America and I will go visit my brother soon. Other than that, I have no plans. I have really bad racing, obsessive thoughts today about my loneliness and feel so inferior and inadequate that I am not surrounded by friends. My daughter is grown and gone….It seems there is no one that I feel comfortable calling and telling this to, however, I have been working on making new relationships with the help of a counselor. I am very shy and it does not come easily. It takes a very long time to make a good friend. How can I calm and slow my rampant thoughts about this feeling? Has anyone had anxiety about their loneliness? Thankyou…

  69. sasha Says:

    Hi Teresa…

    I can very well understand what u r trying to explain…
    it was easy until now…the middle path…no worries.. just flow through thru the bubble…happy as in mind cannot was in a stage wherein it has to focus on something or else it is blank…and once focused can completely get immersed in it which gives you the happiness for being present there totally…initially i guess when i got in that layer i was a little uncomfortable..but later i was totally with it…
    as u said..
    ”These layers are funny things – you gain so much understanding that all of a sudden ‘intellectually’ you are aware of whats going on – emotionally I need to be tougher, resilient as you put it. But I wonder if my ‘actual’ personality is the weakness here hence the reason I’m not moving through this final layer.”
    Now even i have started being ‘intellectually’ aware to see what actually is going wrong..
    same here its the groundhog day….:)
    i guess for us to move forwrd as we hav come above almost all sympoms its the last layer perhaps which we have to reform..i guess its our personality itself..
    i think this will help a little..

    to begin with ..just thinking in our own perspective without adding any prejudices…(trying to think in all perspectives had led to this–always keeping others interests above all n feeling anxious )

    trying to find what actually we want in life..and working towards it..a stong focus in life and moving towards it…
    (i dont know if its the temporary ‘intellectual” realisations or are there any more funny layers coming up in future..LOL)

    focusing more on the topic of conversation and less on the emotional side of it ( being more rational will help us) it wont deviate us from putting our ideas across instead of getting entangled in the emotional web..

    pursuing a hobby which will enable us to get absorbed in it..
    these are some things coming to my mind…

    i am going to go ahead like this …as there is no ”bubble” for me to rely on hereafter..LOLs hope u understand…
    would like to have ur mail id…how do we exchange ids here?


  70. Michelle M Says:

    Hi everyone, I just thought i would introduce myself on here, i have been browsing this blog for some time now, & have purchased Pauls book, which has been a great comfort to myself. I have had anxiety for some 9 months or so now, & although i feel i have made slight improvements, there are days when i feel so bad. I have bad dp, dr & the racing thoughts. I just feel so alone with this feeling, I know that people on this forum have had or are dealing with similar experiences, but i just can’t help thinking it’s just me, with this. Is it normal for dp & dr, to last for such a long time? I try not to fear the anxiety, but it comes with such force, i find it hard to switch off! I would really appreciate, any tips & coping mechanisms from anyone on here who has suffered the same symptoms. Many thanks. Michelle x

  71. Trisha Says:

    Hi Steph, Just read your post. Good for you for going on the dates. alot of people would be too shy. Its nerve wreaking anyway but if your feeling fragile prob makes it more harder. I think you should go for it im sure you will be nervous and analysing and thats ok but i bet when you do go and relax into it you wil be delighted you went and hey i bet he will be equally worrying about himself and too busy to notice how your coming across. It is really annoying when we have set backs. I mentioned above about a trip i went on on my own and got back in one piece and well proud of myelf with no aonxiety for the entire week. but this week i found because i had a day where i was anxious and started watching myself again and found it carried on for a few days and in work i got concious of getting tongue tied in front of people and tensed up during a meeting when it was my turn to speak..its one that happens to me when i feel anxious and i fear how i come across. But im just letting this go….i have to… because it will never go away if i dont just say…”So what” and i know the times i just loosen and go with it this sympton goes very quickly. Mybe over time constantly doing this wil bring recovery completely. Just haven’t been practicing it long enough yet!!anyway good luck with the dating.
    Trisha x

  72. Liz Says:

    Hey everyone,

    I just wanted to say I think you are all great and exceptional people to have endured anxiety for so long, learn clever tricks to deal with it and most importantly, share this information with other sufferers.

    I have suffered with anxiety for a long time and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Medication and therapy has helped me a lot although popping pills isn’t always the answer.

    However I had an epiphany the other day when a friend of mine said to me ‘anxiety and self worth/confidence, cannot exist together’. For me this really was and is the answer! We need to work on improving our self confidence and watch anxiety get bored and leave us and our lives for good!

    Sending you all love and healing,


  73. Teresa J Says:

    Hi Sasha
    I think you are right about the focusing on the rational rather than emotional. Positive life changes with hobbies etc I am having a very up and down affair at the moment and wonder if it’s going to make me a ‘stronger’ person with more understanding eventually. It’s a strange affair – yesterday it was like a series of everything from the past trying to get me and as i was totally unimpressed by them they left as soon as they came (well almost).
    Biggest problem i have is that I find that I am over reacting physically and mentally to a minor health problem i have – I find it difficult to establish where I need to be concerned or where i just dismiss it. Before I had anxiety I was able to dismiss such things and ‘react’ when it was necessary – now i am duped into feeling i need to react, then telling myself it’s anxiety turning the volume up and so it goes on. I know the cycle will have to finish but it is confusing.

    I have improved greatly and i am well on the road to recovery – the layers are there and have built quite a lot of indifference. sometimes you feel you are further ahead on the road of recovery and sometimes it seems you hit a few holes in the road, Trisha I have had those holidays when you feel you could conquer the world and it feels so good. Being back in work maybe reminding you of previous anxious times and therefore making you sensitive to memory and what if… as you said about the guy on the date ‘he will be equally worrying about himself’ – the people in work are probably more concerned with how they are coming across too. We are very aware of ourselves – what we don’t realise is everyone else is very aware of themselves too and therefore rehearsing their own speeches in their head. You sound really positive – keep that going you will insulate yourself and in the end won’t be bothered how you come across..
    Everyone keep the faith and keep on the road to recovery – repetition of doing the right thing (which is nothing) will in the end win through.

    The knowledge we have gained here

  74. Teresa J Says:

    You are not alone – it’s suprising how much of it is around. Anxiety is very clever at making you feel you are the only person to suffer a ‘particular’ way – however nearly everything you have felt has been felt by other anxiety sufferers. The bad days can make you believe almost anything – but there are others here who will guide you through this. I won’t pretend it’s easy – but there are ways out of it. It can be a long journey – but it does get better. Have faith others have walked in your shoes and come out of it. I think what Liz mentions in her post that ‘anxiety and self worth/confidence cannot exist together ‘ is good advice too.
    You will have good days, you will have bad days – accept them both – don’t strive (I know it’s easy to say and not so easy to do) but just try and just ‘be’. Take it easy on yourself – you WILL get better and better at being better.

  75. Josh Says:

    Hi Linda,

    I can completely relate on loneliness and anxiety. In fact its when my anxiety is the worst. Im from America as well and the 4th was rough for me too. Not only do feel lonely but I also get feelings of isolation and it does become difficult for me to make friends as well. I find the best thing to do is find something that you can occupy your mind with, and then when you feel more comfortable find people who share the same hobby. Not only will you find someone who can relate to you on the hobby but it can open up conversations on the different subjects as well.

  76. Hayley H Says:

    Eric…..I have just read your post about how you feel, ie detached etc! I have had exactly your symptoms and I promise it is not abnormal! everything you have described I have felt and although it has taken me a year I am almost recovered! have you got Pauls book?? It was amazing and helped me so much…..all I can say is dont let it scare you and i know that is the hardest thing but you must not worry….let it be there, live along side it to rest your mind and you will soon start to feel normal again! any other questions just ask as I can help you :) i PROMISE dont worry or think you are going mad or it will never go because it will x x x x x x x

  77. mike Says:

    hello everybody,
    not posted for some time and great to see that the blog is as strong as ever with people helping each other out during the different stages of anxiety.
    i have just changed job roles and to be honest feeling a little worried about the new role but just gonna take it one day at a time and not let anxiety/worry make me take negative views on the new job.
    take care people and all the best

  78. Eric Eckenrode Says:

    thank you so much HALEY, I am just continuing to live my life alongside anxiety, I’ve had this DP for 15 years and I guess it has made me so jaded to the world, but I will continue to “keep on keepin on” and hope that I find some peace. I do have paul’s book, it just get’s very frustrating but i know i have to come out the other side for my children.


  79. Pete Says:

    Hi Guys,

    Been a lurker for quite a while. I’ve always suffered from anxiety, not to bad but its had an effect. two years ago I was very poorly and had CBT which helped, but the real turning point was Pauls book. I am much better, I still have the odd days where I feel rough but on the whole I’ve been really well.

    The main problem is that when I feel unwell I get very down. I have had a bit of a tummy bug since Friday and have had D and V. Worrying that this is the anxiety returning has got me in a bit of a state and the negativity has returned as well as raging IBS. Does anyone else do this??? I guess I’m paying the anxiety too much respect again. Ideas please!!!


  80. Paul David Says:

    Just want a little feedback. I was going to do a post on depersonalization, feeling odd/not with it in my next post, a follow up to the only one i have done on here before. Would anyone want me to do so? Not sure how many have trouble with this, if enough wwant me to do it i will.


  81. Mike G. Says:

    Paul, I would really appreciate it if you did a post on “depersonalization, feeling odd/not with it.” I’m actually going through a rough period right now with that. thanks

  82. Hayley H Says:

    Hi Eric, you will come out of this I promise you just need to live alongside it like you mentioned…..all dp is is a tired mind! its all those years of worrying about yourself or things not really worth worrying about and your thoughts start to turn inwards! as soon as they do i appreciate how hard they are to reverse but you cant force them to so dont worry that it wont happen straight away or even in the next few months…..but give it time just realise its normal and it cant hurt you! dont worry your missing out on things etc because when you finally do recover you still will have memories of all these years youve felt awful and this intense sensation your felling now will also feel like a distant memory! i had dp for nearly a year and it was the worst experience of my life you just cant explain to anyone how horrific it is unless theyve been through it too! have you tried cognitive behavioural therapy? i felt it helped slightly and the therapists simple words of….’this horrific feeling you feel its totally normal and ive seen it so many times before!’ was enough to make me feel just that tiny bit hopeful that i wasnt going mad!!!!
    Paul i think it would be great to do a post on this as it is the most scary symptom ever! thank you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  83. ant Says:

    Hi everyone, just wondering if anyone could relate to whats happening with me lately… First a quick explanation of what i go through.. I began with horrible images of innapropriate acts with children mainly aimed at my neice, they would make me physically sick and tormented me for months, it then turned into more doubty questions such as ‘could i do something like that’ But more recently its really convincing me to believe im actually some kind of monster who would enjoy it. It feels like a complete turn around from being at one end saying no way am i like that to lately feeling as though i believe id be capable of it! It destroys everything about me and makes me not want to even look at my neice or other kids incase i feel the wrong way when i look, if anyone has experienced this or something similar please do write id appreciate it alot. Thankyou candie for your reply the other day also

  84. Teresa J Says:

    Hi Pete
    don’t know if you have seen any of my previous posts but this seems to be the same with me – I have had anxiety for a long time and have like a lot of us on here developed coping mechanisms which weren’t really the answer. Since Paul’s book and this site I have learnt to understand what’s happening and the actual ‘anxiety’ symptoms are a lot less a problem as they don’t really hold the fear they did. however, if i am unwell with something ‘normal’ I too get very down and start the paranoia about the symptoms, some things I can dismiss but other things become an ‘issue’. I’m not quite sure how we insulate ourselves from over reacting to such things. I think what you said about paying the anxiety too much attention is probably the answer. we just carry on with whatever it is until it goes – it would be good if someone on here who understands this reaction could let us know what they think too – especially if it was a phase they have been through. Thanks. Hope you feel better soon Pete.

  85. Fiona Says:

    Hi Ant, please be assured that these intrusive thoughts are part and parcel of anxiety. These type of thoughts are particularly common, although i understand that they are very distressing. The problem is you are finding it very dificult to let them be and fade away with time. This is because you are taking them seriously, they are just anxious thoughts. For some reason anxiety makes is worry about physical or sexual hurt. This happens to everyone, to me also but it has long passed because i realised that it wasn’t real and stopped reacting to the thoughts. There is lots of posts on dealing with intrusive thoughts, you should go back through the blog and have a look.

    Paul, a post on DP would be very useful.


  86. mike Says:

    hello everyone.
    i guess its the paying too much respect to this anxiety that gets us every time.
    pete, teresa i guess being not 100% fit brings our moods down and in turn negative adrenaline comes in and makes us feel even crappier.
    ant, the intrusive thoughts are a bloody nightmate but again you know the thought would never happen its just the question, why the hell is this thought coming into my head that you ask yourself over and over. fear not mate its this thing called anxiety pal.

  87. Paul David Says:

    Ok will do the next post on D.P. will try and make it as informative as possible and the main points that got me through it.

  88. Mike F. Says:

    “Just want a little feedback. I was going to do a post on depersonalization, feeling odd/not with it in my next post…”

    I would appreciate a post on that!

  89. sasha Says:

    Hello friends…

    Let me tell u what made me feel good couple of days…living by anxiety on the side…

    Patience & will power will help us have a strong faith that we will come out of it…no matter what……those days wher we feel fine will help us building our faith in ourselves..
    bad days will make us feel worse but dont get weekened by it..its just a process.
    it helped me in one way that it made me realise its not just the anxiety bit that i needed to get out of, i had to rewire a little bit of my attittude towards life…
    1. i had terrible DP before ..slowly i started getting adapted to it by not avoiding anything..
    however u feel carry on..never avoid anything..for me it gave me confidence that DP cannot stop me from doing anything though i dont feel completely with the surroundings…but it slowly started fading away…
    if u want me to put down one positive aspect u can do while having DP is do the things which u wanted to do in life but have always avoided but u did not because u were shy, nervous hesitant then go ahead..
    u wont feel anything… and that makes u feel better…

    2. when thoughts starts to clutter…u suddenly get a feeling ..i mean u become aware that ur thinking..immediately tell urself ..Oh its such a waste of time!!…focus on something which is useful…bring it to the present moment..!
    add a lot of things in your day today life which is resourceful and useful for yourself atleast u will feel good that u have done what u have to do however u felt..
    andone good thing about it is..we are equipped to a mind frame to do our things ”however” we feel..even people who dont have anxiety have their share of mood swings and get effected by their moods…for us we train our brain to go ahead however wefeel…
    again there will be days we will not be able to..but dont distress and stress urself..good days r coming up…!!!

    Hope it helps u to see positivity in whatever stage u are…!
    even when we were all fine what made fall into this pit?..its just our thoughts ! nothing else….when we realise that we are just victims of our own thoughts..we become more aware of these thoughts as just ”thoughts” and not reality it is just our perception of the world outside us..

    Have a good day..!!

  90. candie Says:

    Ant, yes this was me.. along with many random anxiety scary intrusive thoughts too. Day in day out, no break. In the end i read something which made sense. I read that when a thought enters your mind instead of been bluffed and following the route of analysing it.. accept its just anxiety by telling yourself anxiety makes these things seem real and thats why i feel and think like this… then dont wait and wish the thought away- instead focus on something else. It is important that when deciding to focus on something more productive that you arnt doing it to push the thought away though, the idea is that you dont follow the train of negative thought to a state of complete panic. Dont be disheartned if at first you dont get much relief, just accept for a while you will feel and think like this- within a few weeks or months the part of the brain that is irrational regarding the scary thoughts will reprogramme itself to not be bothered or scared by your thinking and it will go away eventually

  91. Patrick Says:

    Just a few word on my own experience with DP – I had it for nearly a year but I managed to learn to live with it. At first it was terrifying but after all the advice here, I realised it didn’t stop me doing anything, no body knew I felt odd etc, so I just carried on. Like most things, if you can live your life despite how you feel, then this is the route to recovery.

    I spent months and months feeling spaced out, and detached, but I managed to carry on regardless. We moved house just over a year ago, and it was a bit like a dream, it didn’t really feel as though it was happening. I remember tidying up the garden, totally focused on anxiety, and I was really depressed because of how I felt, wishing life would just get back to normal. But over time, after taking on board all the advice offered here, I thought, what does it really matter ? If I feel spaced out, dizzy, depressed, sick ? So What ? Of course, nothing happened over night but over time, with practice, I found I could live my life despite feeling odd, depressed etc. My attitude was, OK, I feel rubbish but so what, I can live my life like this. I completely forgot about recovering.

    Most of my more acute symtoms really settled, but DP was something that lingered almost to the very end for me. I knew it was getting better when I had the odd day and I realised I had not had the spaced out dizzy detached feeling. I didn’t grab for this – my attitude was, OK, I feel better today, but if I feel bad tomorrow so what. And at first this was how it was, but then I started to have a few days feeling “normal”, which then turned into a week, and then a few weeks, until eventually the DP just dissapeared altogether.

    I would say for me, the most difficult symptoms were the DP and the constant 24/7 focus on me with an inability to focus on anything else – but now I am recovered, the advice here was absolutely spot on – I did nothing to try and overcome these symptoms other than just learn to live with them – I lived each day as though I was fine – and I don’t mean “ignore it and it will go” – I could never ignore it but it eventually just stopped being a problem because of my attitude of so what – and I really meant the “so what” attitude – it wasn’t just words I was saying.

    And even when my so what attitude was ingrained and came naturally, it still took a long while before I recoved properly. I likened it to an electric hob – you turn it off but it stays hot for some time afterward before it finally cools!

  92. Paul David Says:

    Wise words Patrick, especially the line

    I completely forgot about recovering.

    If we think ‘I’ll ignore it and then I will be better’ or ‘I will excercise, that will make it go away’ we are again totally concerning ourselves with it and makeing it a problem, something to get rid of and a mistake I made.

    Anyway seems plenty of interest and I will do the next post on it.

  93. Nina Says:

    Hi everybody,
    Havent posted on this site in months. This post is great because it gives people that are going through a rough time good advice on how to handle these hard time. I havent had a panic or anxiety attack in months. What has help me is accepting the weird thoughts and the feeling of “unrealness”. Its really hard at time but I just cope with it.

    I sometimes feel like Im stuck in a dream and that im unreal. I dont know if anybody has felt like this, if u have how do u cope with it. Any advice will be helpful. Next month it will be a year since I had deal with this and I hope that in a near (very near) future the “bubble” that Im in will pop and everything will fall back to place

    Any comments and advice when it comes to this feeling will be appreciated. and if there is anything that I can help anybody with please feel free to do ask :-)


  94. Andy Says:

    Hi Candie thanks for replying. It really does feel convincing so much so that ive even started to say to myself that if iam really a predator etc then il just have to make sure that i dont act on it. I even further believe it when i dont have a massive reaction, and wonder why i dont have one… ‘oh that means im definately a bad person then’ It feels really cruel to have to believe you are actually capable of being interested in these types of things when i remember times of being able to be around my neice with nothing other than love in my head for her. Almost feels like a battle with myself or something. Every child i see lately il be confronted with a question along the lines of… do i like what i see? Would i care if i did something? It has ground me down so much that i just feel as though theres nothing left for me and that id rather not be here… That coming from a previous guy who enjoyed everything and even felt comfy making jokes about such things

  95. Ant Says:

    The above comment was mine…. no idea why my names appeared as andy??

  96. Jane Says:

    I have felt that exact same way that you do. Constantly feel like I’m watching myself…looking at myself, like am I real? I don’t even like looking in the mirror at myself. I know it’s me, but I just feel so strange. This is all just another symptom of anxiety. You are right in that it is depersonalization. It is unbelievably bewildering. Terrifying. Bizarre. Awful. Feel like I don’t recognize my life and who I am. However, these is your body’s way of protecting yourself from such extreme anxiety. You’re feeling so detached so that you don’t have to experience the extreme anxiety. This is what I have learned on some research on depersonalization. However, just like all symptoms of anxiety do pass, this one will too. Please keep your head up and know that you are not alone. It was very comforting to read your post and know that someone else has felt this way.
    Keep on keepin on. :)

  97. candie Says:

    ”Acceptance is when a person agrees to experience a situation, to follow a process or condition (often a negative or uncomfortable situation) without attempting to change it, protest, or exit.” Definition of acceptance, says it all really- takes a while to acheive but anyone can do it :)

  98. Patrick Says:

    Nina Says:
    “I sometimes feel like Im stuck in a dream and that im unreal. I dont know if anybody has felt like this, if u have how do u cope with it”

    I had feelings of unreality, but it is just a symptom caused by hormones and chemicals, along with everything else and will pass if you accept it as so. I wish I could say “if you do this, it will go”, but unfortunately you have to learn to live with it until it isn’t a problem.

    It may take a while, but trust me it will fade. I too had a lot of the more acute symptoms ease, and even disappear, but had a couple of chronic symptoms that lingered to the end, but I didn’t try to get rid of them, or even hope they would go away: I learned to live with them – they were still there but I was fine with them – eventually they just faded but it really did take some time.

  99. Nina Says:

    Thanks alot Patrick, I really appreciate u taking the time to give me a great advice. Alot of my other symptoms disappear because I accepted them but the feeling of unrrealness has stuck around for almost a year and its always there. If I would just accept and let it go it will probably dissapear within a few more months, I will continue on my journey to be 100% anxiety free :-)

  100. Mike G. Says:

    For those experiencing DP. Have you ever gotten a panic attack as result? Had a situation today in which a coworker was talking to me. At first i was ok but later i started feeling like i wasnt there or was going to die, huge tension in my scalp and back of my neck, then i felt my heart racing strongly and felt a gigantic urge to escape. i tried accepting it and just let it be there but it just overwhelmed me and i had to come up with an excuse to go back to my desk. this is really beginning to affect my career in a bad way =/ any advise would be greatly appreciated. thanks

  101. Michelle M Says:

    Hi Teresa, Thank you so much for your kind words of support & advice. I guess it’s just so easy to forget that there are others that feel like i do & that my symptoms of anxiety aren’t unique. It’s so very true that confidence has a huge part to play in the recovery process. I think what the problem is with myself, is that i have had bouts of anxiety before similar to what i’m experiencing now, & that i’m getting impatient. The last bout was 2002, which had just dissapeared after a year or so. But this time around it seems so new to me, & the focus on myself is immense! I know that the key is to keep yourself busy try to focus on other things & to accept. This is what i’m having difficulty doing, as i am experiencing really bad derealisation, which is making everything that little harder to focus on, if that makes sense. Does anybody else on here suffer with or has had derealisation, & how did you cope what was your experience? It would be great to hear, as it seems to be the most prominent symptom, i’m experiencing. Thanks Michelle. x

  102. Andrew Says:

    Hi all

    Just looking over recent posts and I notice that disturbing thoughts/images has cropped up again. I just wonder if there could be a future post on this issue as well, it’s something I suffered from and sometime still do, I had the fear of hurting myself or people I love and the images, maybe driving down the road and just imagining my car smashing into a tree ect. I know the advise from Paul is to just allow these thought/images to pass through your mind without reacting to them, they are just the reslut of excess adrenaline.

    One other issue which I am having difficulty with and I have yet to see any info on this site although Clare Weeks make some reference to it in her books is the reaction to words/phrases even song lyrics. I presume this is sensatized nerves but I dont know whether the same process advised for disturbing thoughts is the way of dealing with it?? I can react to the words death or dead, I can see a bunch of flowers in a shop then suddenly imagine them on a grave, song lyrics like ‘im leaving/you wont see me again’ ect can have the same effect. Has anyone ever had these issues and can offer any advise I would appreciate it. I find that I have that reaction then because of the 24/7 focus I watch the reaction it has on myself then become upst by it.

    I’ve also got hold of Richard Carlsons book ‘stop thinking, start living’ and can advise anybody to get hold of it, for someone like me who has always been negative and pessamistic its been a complete eye opener, i’ve only had it a few days but I can see the damage I have been doing to myself and that its just bad habits that can be reversed.

    cheers Andrew

  103. Patrick Says:

    Michelle M Says:
    I know that the key is to keep yourself busy try to focus on other things & to accept. This is what i’m having difficulty doing, as i am experiencing really bad derealisation, which is making everything that little harder to focus on, if that makes sense.

    Michelle, I know how hard this is – it took me ages to realise that I couldn’t shift the focus from myself by “trying to focus on other things” – this just ends in frustration as you try to focus on say, watching a film, but you keep focusing on yourself – the trick is to be OK with the fact that you are focusing on yourself – be OK that you feel unreal, welcome it, enjoy it, but carry on with your daily tasks regardless! Don’t do something because you think it will help – do what you need to do regardless of how you feel.
    All these symptoms are just your bodies reaction to fear – if you lose the fear the symptoms cannot exist – fact. And we lose the fear, by accepting how we feel – but this can’t be done overnight – I started off by doing whatever I needed to do however I felt – whereas before I used to curl up on the sofa feeling sorry for myself . . at first, everything felt grey and uninteresting. this gets easier with time enjoyment does come back, and then once you realise you can “live” with your symptoms, your attitude will change – “you know what, I feel awful, but I can still do the shopping, do the garden, go to work etc etc”. Again, with time, this just becomes your natural reaction. You won’t have to force it or “try” to achieve it.

    I did get to a point where I enjoyed feeling strange, I know how that sounds, but I had literally lost all fear of how I felt over time, so kind of began to laugh at it, and with this attitude it began to fade – not overnight but gradually . . .

  104. Shaun Says:

    Hi Michelle

    First I should say that you are not alone. I always find it helps to know that others are going through similar experiences and that we all wish you every success in coming through this. I can completely understand where you are coming from with the impatience thing. I think most of us are the same, no-one wants to feel like we do and we all have lives we want to get back to as soon as we can but trying to force it only makes it worse.

    My experience has taught me to learn to go with it. Almost embrace it as part of you. Its not a part I like but its a part of me, don’t try to push it away or ignore it, by doing that you are concentrating on it more. Its the hardest part of the learning process I know, everything in you wants to fight these feelings but you have to trust yourself to let it wasdh over you and not react. Like you say, accept whats happening and pay it as little attention as you can.

    Anxiety and its symptoms are like a spoilt child, when they don’t get the attention they want, they get bored and give up. This derealisation or depersonalisation is a pain I know, I’ve been in exactly the same place, but believe me, the more you focus on it, the more attention you give it, the more you will worry about it and the higher the anxiety levels will rise. Try asking yourself what’s the worst that can happen while you feel like that? Maybe you’ll not take in quite as much as you would when you don’t feel like that, is it really such a big deal? Once you can look at it in those terms its not so frightening or so frustrating. As you learn to give it less and less attention, simply trying to go about your day as normally as you can, you will find that it gets better, I promise you.

    A note of caution here though, when it does start to clear, don’t panic if the clarity only lasts a while before the derealisation comes back again. It probably won’t just clear up all at once. Enjoy the clarity, but don’t cling to it worrying that it will soon be gone. I know this sounds like a lot to take in but you hit the nail on the head in your own question. The key to all of this is to ACCEPT. If you can accept that when you feel this derealisation its just part of the anxiety and that by focussing on it you make it worse. If you can accept that the best way to overcome it is not to push it away but to embrace it as part of who you are and if you can accept that it will not disappear overnight and you should try not to cling to the moments of clarity when they come you will come through this.

    I know this is true, I’ve been where you are several times, so have many others on here and I’m sure they will all tell you a similar story. Hang in there, keep telling yourself to accept and you will get there.

    All the best


  105. dee Says:

    Hi all, hope everyone is doing ok?

    Just had a really strange feeling come over me and i wondered if anyone else experienced this before. For no reason i have just had this wave of panic and churning in my tummy. It has came from no where, could it be heat? tiredness? aniexty?. If so why does it just come like that?anything i an do ?.
    I just hate it when you can be feeling ok one moment then feel a little rocky the next. Some advice please :)

  106. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Andrew,

    RCs book is great isn’t it.

    With regards to the song lyrics, yes I have had the same. I mentioned before on here that when I was at my worst (4 years ago now) the song that was with me all day was “Never Gonna Give You Up by Rick Astley” 😉 I laugh at it now, but this song went around in my head all day I hated it, and thought there must be some hidden meaning to it. I even analysed it to the point that I really believed that I didn’t want to give the anxiety up (like the song words). How daft is that!! Obviously it was a load of rubbish, cos here I am without singing Rick Astley all day (well actually I am humming it now as we speak ;-), but obviously without the associated anxiety I felt before).

    I also had the same feelings about words I read, like you such as death, dead, dying etc…. associated everything with these words, felt it must be because I wanted to die. I overanalysed absolutely everything and made myself utterly miserable in the process.

    You are totally not alone with words/song lyrics, in fact I bet most folks here have experienced the same, it’s common.

    Like Patrick has said above, you must accept these weird thoughts/feelings/words as part and parcel of anxiety and not try to work things out, just let them be and carry on as normal with them in the background, give them no weight at all, and this is a sure way for them to disappear. Overanalysing everything, kept me in a loop for ages, and it is only in hindsight now, that I can see where I went wrong. I spent too much of my time looking for hidden meanings in my thoughts.

    Whenever you feel yourself doing the same, read a few chapters of RCs book. I sometimes have a look myself even though I’ve recovered.

  107. Teresa J Says:

    Michelle, glad to know everyone helping out here and giving you sound advice. We know how hard it is to ignore the symptoms , don’t even try to ignore them – I think the acceptance is a double edged sword – you have to feel the relief of acceptance in order to know/believe the ‘thing’ will go away, trouble is you then have to accept it’s going to come back (in the beginning) and that means you now have to stop yourself ‘willing’ the ‘thing’ not to come back, trying to control it. When it comes back you have to almost say, well i knew you’d be back but because you have gone before i now know that you are not serious, you are anxiety therefore i do not need to ‘do’ anything because you went before and you will go again. The repitition of this attitude will insulate you.
    Dee – yes have had this loads. don’t acknowledge it – just realise it is anxirty and will pass almost like blushing.

  108. Teresa J Says:

    Scarlett think what you said about the ‘over analysing’ things pretty much has hit the target of where i am stuck at the moment – so it’s a help seeing it written here. I am over analysing a slow recovery from a tooth extraction – I knew that the anxiety is causing problems with it but didn’t know how much is anxiety and how much was real – i can see now – I am analysing the soreness. They have told me it will take time – I can see i must stop watching for recovery. It will heal in its own time and I cannot force it, thank you.

  109. marc Says:

    oh and id forgot to throw in my two cents about what i think makes me feel better guys!

    1- meditation: since i found meditation i feel that it has helped me a huge amount because your body and mind is in a state of complete relaxation, anxiety may try and play its tricks by throwing a bad feeling/thought your way while your meditating, but trust me while your meditating and concentrating on solely your breath, the thoughts/feelings fade very quickly! for me anyway. theres nothing like sitting in a quiet room lighting a candle and some insense and zoning out in complete relaxation to help your anxiety fade. 😉

    2- exercise: now this is important that i tell you all this, i am a personal trainer so therefore i exercise a lot and diet good, so of course i was asking myself the question-‘i exercise loads! i eat properly! so what the hell is wrong with me?!?’ guys just because you went to the gym and ran on the treadmill for a few minutes doesnt mean your going to snap out of anxiety straight away! it takes time and patience. set aims and goals for yourselves in the gym, have yourself a routine, because believe me, you get a great sense of achievement when you have reached those goals knowing what your going through! exercise for me and a couple of people i train who go through anxiety, see exercise as what cigarettes is to smokers (smoking is goss btw 😛 ), we crave it! we find it helps us a great deal while going through anxiety!

    3- talking: honestly guys, keeping it all bottled up and not talking about your thoughts/feelings with those closest to you or whoever, i just thought it made me feel worse!! i felt so relieved after i talked with my friends and family about what i was going through, even if they didnt understand and hadnt gone through it themselves, it still felt like a weight off my shoulders! and i can tell you after seeing this website and the blog, i feel a huge amount of relievement! even though i still get the thoughts and feelings which are a major pain! but now i understand them better and know its gonna take time untill they diminish.

    hope this info is useful guys and it can help your way to recovery! :) sorry if i come across like im rambling! 😛

  110. Andrew Says:


    Thanks for the advise, its a relief!! I shall take it all on board and go and replace my library copy of Richard Calson’s book and go and buy one!


  111. scarlet Says:

    Hope the soreness goes soon Teresa, as hard as it is, try not to focus too much on it.xx

    One thing that really helped me, was knowing that there was no outside force making me feel the way I did, nor think the thoughts I was thinking or react to them the way I reacted. “Everything that was happening to me, I WAS DOING EVERYTHING TO MYSELF”. Took me a while to realise this as for a long time I really thought it was an external entity making me feel spaced out with constant irrational thoughts, something akin to the body snatchers 😉 But nope twas meself all the time, and when I realised this, I was able to take control back.

  112. Fiona Says:

    In the words of Radiohead (british band)
    ‘You do it to yourself, you do
    and thats what really hurts’

    Fi xxx 😉

  113. Teresa J Says:

    Thanks Scarlet, it will be 10% soreness and 90% anxiety, lol. time will heal both – I know I will let go in time. Trying to look at it all positively by thinking that this is going to teach me to accept and know that the body and mind will heal itself. – I’m getting there, RC’s book a help too. It helps to know I am on the right road – I know I’m doing a lot of this to myself, just have to wait until I let go now. not trying just waiting. thanks scarlett

  114. Hannah Says:

    Just found this site and am very impressed by all the information. I’ve had anxiety on and off for about 10 years and just when I think I’ve cracked it, it comes back and bites me again. My worst symptom is open spaces, especially shopping centres, where I just freeze on the spot and am unable to move. Has anyone else experienced something similar and how do I get through it?

  115. lisa Says:

    paul or scarlet, just want to ask a quick question really, when your no longer afraid and you get to living your life why does the anxiety stay and you still feel worn out?? i get a bit lost really because i feel its no longer needed anymore but the last bit just seems as though it wants to remain!! dont no if anyone else has the same question??

  116. Mike F. Says:

    Does anyone else have a problem with exercise making you more anxious? About a week ago I tried some stretching and body-weight exercises and it made me feel very weird, light-headed, nervous afterward. I thought it would pass after a few hours or by the next day, but it actually took me about an entire week to recover. What I mean by that is that I felt weirder than normal for almost a week afterwards, before returning to my more “normal” level of anxiety (which is weird enough, thank you very much). I may have overdone the exercise that day though, so as an experiment, today I did about a half hour of the same weight-bearing exercises (squats, lunges, push-ups, crunches) and simple stretches to cool down. I took my time, didn’t overdo the reps, relaxed between exercises. But afterwards I had the same nervous, light-headed, weird feeling, though not as strongly as last time. Now it’s several hours later and I still feel the nervous feeling but less than at first, and again, not as bad as last time. Anyway, I want to exercise, but not if it makes me feel odd every time. I wonder if it could just be the rush of mood enhancing chemicals afterwards that I’m not used to, or being oversensitized perhaps I am overeacting to it? I don’t know. Anyone have similar problems with exercise? (I would understand if this wasn’t published so as not to scare people away from exercise, but I thought someone might have an answer.)

  117. Pete Says:

    Hey Guys,

    Just my take on intrusive/disturbing thoughts. I’ve had them all violent, sexual, you name it I’ve had them. Songs or phrases sticking in my head for days sometimes weeks on end. They are tough cookies but the good news is the suffering/anxiety they cause can be completely alleviated.
    The trick is not to engage with them, just let them drift in and out and pay them no attention. Its difficult at first but they quickly lose their power and influence. Imagine them passing through your mind like a train with you standing on a platform, just let them go and move on.

    The other thing that helped me was not to avoid anything. If I had disturbing thoughts about say my daughter I would actively go towards her and play with her and engage with her. This really helps and again will help to remove the power from the thoughts.

    Certain phrases my main ones were the words depression/suicide that would engender an anxious response, so what did I do? I read about it? Again this took away much of its power.

    Disturbing thoughts are horrible but once we learn that they mean nothing and say nothing about the people we are. Many people have them…how many new mums thinks they are going to hurt/drop their babies. its our perception of them thats cause all the problems.

    They absolutely no longer bother me and to be honest they don’t occur that much these days, have faith they can become totally unimportant. It does take time though so be patient. Hope this helps.

  118. candie Says:

    Hi Mike F, this happened to me yes- way before anxiety i would get the same feeling of dizziness and feeling weak and out of it. Its just a tired body thats all, but when your anxious you focus on it and it plays till you stop obsessing about the feeling. Its not a symptom of anxiety, more a reaction to a normal feeling causing anxiety.

    Hi Pete that is all true, i remember i used to fear the words OCD, even dreaded my psychology course every week incase we did a class on it. Nowadays its not an issue, these days i couldnt care less if it was OCD i had, too many labels for one root cause- anxiety!

  119. Amy Says:


    I’m always watching for you to post…because you’re pregnant and I’m always interested in how you’re feeling!! I may have mentioned on here before that my husband and I have been trying for a year now to have a baby (adds to the anxiety a bit, not being able to get pregnant). Before all of this anxiety/panic stuff hit, I had NO concerned feelings about being pregnant or having a baby…it was ALL good/happy/excited feelings. Now, I’m pretty anxious and nervous about all of it! But, when I hear that you’re doing ok, it makes me feel better! I know everyone is different, but it’s reassuring. Soooo…how are you feeling now?? I would love to know how that other girl is doing, the one that had the planned C-section?

    Hope you guys are doing great :)

  120. rosemary Says:

    Hi everyone on here.
    I know I have made huge leaps forward and now do things off the cuff without giving them to much thought. I have just come back from a long weekend away.Before I went away i was stressing and worrying about going but couldnt tell you what I was worrying about as I honestly cant put my finger on anything particular. I had the tight chest, nausea etc I suppose its just the thought I cant cope being some where different and away from everything i know and what a waste of time and money as I would still feel depressed and anxious no matter where in the world I find myself. I have good and bad days but I know that even though the bad days are bad and last most otf the day they are no where near as powerful as they used to be. They are loosing their grip on me. Funny thing is while I was away I decided to go with my feelings however uncomfortable and relax and chill and stop stressing and do you know what….I did,and I had a fantastic couple of days. Felt so “normal”.Perhaps it was the change of scenery that pre occupied my mind so much that I didnt inwardly think about me at all. When I wake in the mornings I feel so sick and force myself to eat something no matter how small yet while i was away I ate breakfast with no trouble and a big breakfast at that I was so relaxed and at ease with myself. How can those feelings change so rapidlyand in such force. So why is it when Im home i feel really bad again, churning stomach, sick and worried. Everything seems so dull but yet I have great family and friends all around me. I feel like I am at the last hurdle .as I now book things in adavnce so I have things to look forward to where before i couldnt think of planning 30 mins in advance.I accept that i worry myself into these feelings by giving them too much time but its so hard not to worry about them when i have paid them so much attention for so long and they grip so hard. I work,I socialise, I help my children through the daily ups and downs. I just live and do things i always used to do (not always happily) but never let my anxiety stop me. ANnone got any comments …sorry if I have rambled on a bit. Keep smiling, I do, every day..oh and laugh even if its at yourself x

  121. Trisha Says:

    Thanks Teresa J, its great to have somewhere to speak honestly and know that those reading understand exactly what your talking about. x

  122. christina Says:

    Hi. I am happy to say that I have made so much progress in recovery. It seems most of the time I can dismiss the anxiety niggles, and am enjoying my days. It was a little over a year ago that I got into anxious mode. This site and the connections you feel with others who have similar experiences, has made a tremendous difference! I thank God for all His provisions. Thank you Paul for making such a difference in other’s lives by being transparent and compassionate with those struggling and really encouraging them in their journey of acceptance.

    I have a dear friend that wanted me to post a question on her behalf. She won’t have access to internet for a while, and is “anxious” to get some feedback. Apparently her anxiety began after a mysterious facial rash broke out. She was extremely itchy and uncomfortable. At some point the rash internalized, causing her to feel she was itching from the inside. Anyway, this led to an extended period of very high anxiety. She has been feeling much better, moving through recovery, but has started getting itchy again. Of course, this conjures up memories and concerns about anxiety getting stirred up more.

    I think I remember someone talking about a rash that began a fear cycle for them.
    Of course, I tried to reassure her that this does not need to go the same way as before, but I think hearing from someone who can relate to her experience would be helpful.


  123. christina Says:

    Rosemary, I think you are right about a change of scenery. Early June I went away for eleven days, and I felt so good all the time. When I came back I came down with a cold, but still felt good. After that, I had some little surges of anxiety, and probably because I was back to the regular routine of life. You are definitely well on your way so be encouraged.

  124. rosemary Says:

    Hi Christina, thanks so much for taking the time out to the send your message to me. Its nice to be ableto talk to someone else who understands completely how I feel. I think that because I am home that I feel a bit down so then my anxiety kicks in and i convince myself I am have depression and that really worries me so off I go worrying again. I now understand that it is ONLY my anxiety that is doing this. Also, i can have a run of good days and the slightest change in my plans may happen and it throws me into a nervous state. I have always been so confident and handled all sorts of challenges through my life so its hard to deal with these strange churning feelings. However, I am doing everything I want to do, I feel I am getting on with things and just have this feeling of anxiety just laying in the back ground, it just niggles away but i feel i am so close to putting this whole thing behind me. What was the last sympton you had in recovery?

  125. Heidi Says:

    I had my first panic attack last month, and i’ve been in living hell ever since, with recurring panic attacks, and anxiety about them, and when the next one will come, but now i’m learning that acceptance is key, i don’t want to take medication, but is there hope for me ever being who i was before that panic attack? I feel like my life is ruined, but I guess if I stop obsessing over it, I will free myself, idk. I’m so new to all of this, it’s only been a month, but hopefully im headed in the right direction. All of your blog posts make me feel like i’m not going insane. And that I will be alright, it’s hard to “let go” hopefully i’ll be able to go to school next month without any problems. Thanks guys.

  126. Sandeep Says:

    Scarlet and others who read RC’s book – must say it was v simplistic and brilliant. I came away w/ one thing that added up and one thing that felt contradictory to everything on this site. What added up was that RC said not to overthink anything, similar to what we’ve learnt here about accepting our anxiety and moving on. However, what was contradictory is that RC says not to dwell on your negative thoughts. Most of the advice I’ve seen from Paul and others here is that its ok to keep thinking about your anxiety. But this makes it worse sometimes according to RC. Any thoughts?

  127. candie Says:

    Sandeep Paul doesnt mean its ok to dwell on thoughts, he means its ok to have them. Its ok to feel anxious over a thought through habit, but it wouldnt be accepting to sit and try push the thought away and figure it out. Richard carlsons book is brill, iv read it- i do think however you need to learn to accept before you can float past thoughts. Accepting is acknowledging how you feel or think is because of anxiety and not dangerous, then not trying to remove yourself from how you feel or think. Once you can do that then you can float past thoughts. Richard carlsons book to me applied to negative thoughts more then anything, thoughts about depression etc or self defeating thoughts. The concept is the same for anxiety thoughts, but acceptance comes first :)

  128. candie Says:

    Hiedi, ultimately you have to be able to experience the panic attack without trying to push it away- then you will stop worrying when the next will come and recover.

  129. Heidi Says:

    Candie, thanks so much for the reply, it means the world to me, because I’ve been feeling very alone with all of this, all my immature friends just don’t get it. I’m so happy to have found this website, it feels like it’s the only honest one around, not trying to take advantage of desperate people like me, I just turned 21 last week and I hated it because of these attacks, I already went through the very long “why me” phase, and now i’m just ready to accept it and do something about it. Do people REALLY get through this? Will my fight or flight response work normally afterwards? WILL I EVER BE ABLE TO EAT CHOCOLATE AGAIN? lol. I’m sorry about the dumb questions but i’m so new to this and my Dr is useless.

  130. christina Says:

    Hi Rosemary. I would say that unpleasant thoughts (an obsessive thought about something scary and negative) has been the last thing to rear its head. I will usually get some physical symptoms with it. It is becoming so mild, and that is in part due to the fact that I usually don’t add any big fear to it. So much of this is really about under reacting even to our over reacting, if that makes any sense. When our anxiety is high it’s like we get tunnel vision. We get so wrapped up in ourselves, body and mind, that we feel caged. As the layers of fear are pulled off we start to become more objective about our situation. I hope you are having a good day. If I can ever be of help to you, if you have a question, I’d be happy to. :)

  131. Sandeep Says:

    Thanks for the clarification Candie. Sometimes the concepts get blurred and overthought in our head.

  132. Heidi Says:

    Candie, one more thing, after my first panic attack, all I’ve done is worry myself sick about having a “mental illness” or a “disorder” i have moments throughout the day where i feel completely normal, like old self, and laugh at the fact that I was worried so much, especially every night before bed, i feel awesome, “cured” then i go to bed, have terrible disturbing nightmares, wake up feeling nauseous, tense neck, and so SAD that i’m still feeling panicky. It gets me down, so much. So I try to distract myself but that only makes me feel like i’m not focusing on fixing this “problem” – I believe i’m having “limited symptom attacks” throughout the day. I’m not sure what I have though, the dr, who said i was fine physically referred me to the psychologist who said it was just panic attacks, maybe my panic attacks have put me on a higher anxiety level than normal. I don’t know, all I know, is i’m anxious/worried at least 50% of the time everyday. And it’s only been a month. Lately it feels like im losing myself, because i feel less and less like “myself” everyday. Before this I was what I would call completely normal, I’m not sure what to do. And not exactly sure what’s going on with me. I feel like this is just a bad selfish and torturous habit I’ve created and that somehow I can reverse all of this damage. I haven’t had a solid poo this whole month, I just want to get well, any tips or advice from anyone are appreciated. As I am *very anxious* to recover. It’s only been a month so I have hope that I can recover sooner than later, I just need to be lead in the right direction, before my condition worsens please, any advice you can give me is GREATLY appreciated. You’re an angel. Thanks

  133. candie Says:

    Heidi have u read Pauls book yet? I think you need to look around this site and possibly get his book if you can. Panic attacks are normal anxiety symptoms, i had them right upuntil i wasnt scared about them and they went away. The symptoms of nightmares etc are night terrors, you have so much adrenalin in your system its making you dream scary stuff thats all- i had that too. I also had scary thoughts throughout the day, its all just an ofshoot of anxiety nothing that will harm you. You sound so concerned in figuring this out and getting rid of it that your actually making it worse, if you just accepted stress has braught on a panic attack initially, and then you panicked at the panic attack- hence causing yourself anxiety. It will go away when you learn to not fear experiencing the symptoms, in other words you can feel anxiety symptoms thats fine, but dont try to ellimiate them. Just go with them and after a while you will be so bored of there tricks that you wont care and you will stop dreading having them

  134. rosemary Says:

    thanks christina.
    I am doing everything now as i used to. Socialisng, working etc….The feeling of adrenaline rush has gone almost completely. I now just feel really low and i am convinced I have depression, making that a whole new problem. Each morn I wake thinking what can i do today to lift my spirit and make me happy. how can I enjoy my day and look forward to the next one..Any ideas..thanks again

  135. Heidi Says:

    Hi Candie,
    Thanks again for your reply, I had an idea that I was making it worse by trying to figure it all out, because my mind just does not rest, I’m going to start practicing not asking myself all the why questions and ignoring these harmless symptoms, it just hit me so hard because it came out of nowhere, and i’ve been very scared. I did purchase pauls e-book but unfortunately I did not get redirected to a download page. I emailed him, and I am still waiting for a reply. I can’t wait to read it.
    I used to run 5 miles a day before all this happened and now I can’t seem to eat enough to exercise, I’ve lost 7 lbs this is all bringing me down, i get really sad sometimes, but i know it’s just the anxiety, i’m not a depressed person. at least not yet. but i’m looking forward to reading the book. hopefully it will lead me in the right path. thank you so much.

  136. Lisa S Says:

    Hi everyone,

    I have been suffering from anxiety for about four months now and although I have made alot of progress with my recovery, having anxiety has left me feeling that I will be unable to cope with the difficult things that life may throw at me in future without ending up back in an anxious state.

    I was just wondering if anyone else has felt the same and if they have any advise on how to deal with this ?

    Thank you

  137. christina Says:

    Hi Rosemary, the low feelings you are having are an offshoot of anxiety. All those stress hormones being over-produced chronically will leave us feeling bad. Even though your anxiety has come down quite a bit, you are still going to have after effects. Mood and anxiety can’t really be separated from each other. I have read, heard. and experienced time and again, that the vast majority (maybe 95%) of anxiety sufferers, will have depression too. Taking good care of our bodies–good nutrition, plenty of water, regular exercise, and rest, will over time, bring up the mood.

  138. sasha Says:

    Hi rosemary

    i too can feel the same emotion here..i have come out of those anxiety peaks…but again i have to keep thinking of something to do to look forward..i just cannot take life as it comes as i feel very dull almost all the time..i feel i get annoyed very easily…. i wonder y depression and anxiety come that we have almost come out of it..what is making us depressed? it must be our tired mind..!
    any suggessions are welcome..i do regular excercises but i feel at times something is missing…!:(

    Hi Christina

    how r u christina? recovered completely? and how do u manage ur day to day life? do u have those dull moments that u have to do something to get out of it ? if u had come out of it how was ur last couple of months..? just curious to know..

  139. candie Says:

    Sasha feeling Dull is part and parcel of it, its just when you start introspecting again and when we do this we tend to feel low as we arnt experiencing the joy in our life fully- we are to focussed on ourself for this. So just allow yourself to feel dull and know why u feel dull, it wont harm. Even the none anxious feel dull on a regular basis, if it be from tiredness, a cold or bit of stress. Just see it as yourself been that caught up introspecting you are distracted from what makes u happy a bit.

    Heidi, if you can try going on your runs- eat more in smaller meals and build up your appetite again.. next time you panic dont try to struggle free from it and embrace it. Watch it come and go and after its passed acknowledge it hasnt harmed you :)

    Rosemary dont grasp for happiness, whenever we obsess and strive to feel anything, if it be love, happiness or excitement.. we lose the moment and end up feeling pretty numb and flat. The reason is its a double edged sword, the more your obsessing about feeling bad the worse you feel as your dragging the moment out more then need be. Its ok to feel low at times, everyone does its a fact- but the minute u anxiously try to push it away you make it a problem. Just get on with your day and dont get wrapped up in trying to feel happy

  140. Fiona Says:

    Hi Amy,
    hope you are well!! I’m doing great, loving being pregnant to be honest. Really looking forward to the baby arriving, i’m scared and nervous but in a good normal way. You will be absolutely fine, even if your having ups and downs you must remain positve as it always passes and you have so much more in front of you which is a hell of a lot more important than silly anxiety. I’m still up and down at times with anxiety but its mostly up, all i really have now is mild dp…. which is well known as being one of the last symptoms to go.
    Any questions just ask, i’ll pop back on soon to answer.
    Fi xxx

  141. Amy Says:


    Thank you so much for responding! Your words of encouragement have helped tremendously!! After a year of trying, this month is the first month where I really feel like it may have happened due to having a procedure done to help (don’t know yet, still waiting a few more days to find out). However, with the reality that it may just happen has kinda freaked me out. Something I’ve been soo passionate about since I was young is now making me nervous :( But I know it’s what I want and totally my heart’s desire…it’s just the anxiety talking!!

    I’m so glad you’re doing so great!! I will keep you posted on how things go with me. And, please keep me (us) posted on your pregnancy and soon to be bouncing baby!! Do you know what you’re having? How far along are you?

    Thank you again!!

  142. marc Says:

    hey guys,

    just wondering can anyone give me some tips on the emotional factor??? as we all know one of the pain in the neck symptoms of anxiety is feeling that we are emotionless!!! this really is awful guys! my sister just gave birth to her first baby boy there 3 weeks ago and i didnt feel what i should feel-happyness, awe etc…… and i know its just one of the things we have to deal with when were going through anxiety, but is there any, i dunno ‘exercises’ as such that can help getting your emotions back?????

    thanks guys.
    marc :)

  143. Eric Eckenrode Says:

    i have been at this for six weeks, and i feel that i am stuck in a dream, like certain things aren’t or did not really happen. I also look at situations where people are doing everday stuff and i try to imagine myself being ‘normal’ and it just feels like i’m stuck in this nightmare and no matter what I do I will never get out of it. I have suffered with this ‘unreal’ feeling for 15 years and it just puts a gray haze on everything I do. I also get very scared when it gets dark and cloudy, like i’m going to go crazy. I just wish this all away I don’t know how long I can deal living like this. It’s like a bad dream I just can’t wake up from.


  144. lorryt Says:

    hi there all

    hubby is startingall over again with the panic attacks and i am seeing things from a very different point of view. i am naerly recovered now and am trying to help him hes frightened hs gonna loose his job coz hes taken 3 days off in 7 weeks. hes not thinking rationally at all, and everything is setting him off. hes come home from work shakign and being sick sayng he cant do it any more. i am trying to get himt o see its just a panic attack and to let it go thru him and not reactbut he sys hes got a lot going on in hsi head,. told him just thoughts -( yes i know rich coming from me the queen of disturbing thoughts -past !), he gonna make a docs appointmentand they will probably say up his medication but hes not happy with that , ive told him he can talk to me and he does, btu hes got me all shaken up now.hes scared hes goign down that road again whereby hes losing control. ive told him its just a bad few weeks but he wonthave it. what else can i do. sorry xxxxxxxxxxx

  145. lorryt Says:

    sorry about spelling mistakes rushing a bit !x

  146. candie Says:

    Lorry the best you can do is not let how he feels get you down, dont worry over what you cant change- think positive and do what you can to help instead. Get him to sit down and read Pauls book etc.

    Amy, i was very anxious throughout my pregnancy really- as soon as little one come it was fantastic and i loved it, its so worth it and i can tell ya iv never recovered so fast since having him! I dont condone going having a baby to rush on recovery to anyone mind you, it helped me as i was so happy to have my son and distracted from the anxiety and it also helped me face fears.

  147. Kate Says:

    Hi Candie

    You have given me advice a couple of times in the past which has really helped me. I am still struggling with a thought/feeling I get and have had a few years and feel I’m getting worse not better (which really scares me). As soon as I think about it, it brings on horrible feelings and I feel I may seriously do this thing. I’m obviously not accepting it as I keep trying to get my head round it then end up with a million what ifs……. I am worrying I will never be rid of it and its preventing me doing things I want to. I wonder if you could give me a bit more advice on acceptance. I try to accept but just seem to get sucked into thinking deeply about it. My fear is that I will wet myself (have never done it in all the years I’ve had it). I know it sounds stupid but can’t seem to get over it. Thanks x

  148. lorryt Says:

    hi candie

    its very hard to get someone to understand whats going on is all out of proportion and totally magnified, its very difficult to say its all out of focus and stop worrying. my hubby wont read anything he thinks the docs can sort it all out. I know what its all about, and am trying to help but am finding it very frustrating. brick wall syndrome. hes scared by the attacks and i have told him thats what will keep them going, and so just let em go through you. im not sure whats worse suffering with them or suffering with someone who has them !xxxx

  149. Fiona Says:

    Amy, you say:
    However, with the reality that it may just happen has kinda freaked me out. Something I’ve been soo passionate about since I was young is now making me nervous But I know it’s what I want and totally my heart’s desire…it’s just the anxiety talking!!

    Your so right, it is anxiety talking, everyone has niggly doubts and worrying thoughts about any major event. Your no different BUT your looking out for these thoughts and tuning into them and making a whole big story about these thoughts. What you must realise is that you have a balance of positive and negative thoughts about everything, so its definately time to tune out of the negative worrying thoughts and tune into the positive happy thoughts. The negative one’s will shout loud for a while but you will soon learn how to readjust the balance. Negative and worrying thoughts are normal its the our/your ablity to realise they are just silly thoughts that is the problem.
    Im 30 weeks pregnant and having little boy!! So excited, although like any pregnant woman i’ve went through the range of emotions from scared to happy and everything inbetween.
    You’ll be fine, keep me updated
    Fi xxx

  150. Fiona Says:

    Hey Lorryt, how are you? Hope your still improving, dont let the stress of your husbamd set you back as it wont help either of you. Your hubby sounds like a typical man, wont listen to anyone, thinks he knows best and certainly doesn’t think that a website and book can help him. I think for the time being you are just going to have to let him do it his own way and just be there to support him with all the advice that you are able to give him, you can teach him the tools you have learned here without him even realising.
    Let us know how things are going
    Fi xxx

  151. rosemary Says:

    Hello Again: 3 very big thank you’s first:

    Christina: thanks again for your thoughts i cannont emphasise enough how comforting it is to have someone who understands me and more importantly has been through this awful thing. Did u also have depression and during your recovery how long did it take to go? Hope you are well.

    Sasha: You sound soo like me.. you said “I cant just take life as it comes” that is so me. I tend to see each day as a challenge/ a struggle rather than just another day, will I get through it ok but I know I will no matter how much I tell meyself dont worry about things, i just do. Forward thinking “what shall I do today”, “I am on my own this afternoon what shall I do to stop feeling low mood” instead of just getting on. I make my problems. I feel almost that I cant be at home on my own and have to prove to myself that I CAN go out, I CAN socialise etc…why do I have to prove things to myself, just need to chill and relax a and give myself the peace i need. The other thing is early evening I settle down and calm down. Enjoy most evenings with my family and when I reflect on the day I cant believe that I have been so affected by this and the physical feelings all disappear almost like I have never suffered with anxiety. Its like I can finally let my guard down. Hope u have a good day. would be great to hear back from you.

    Candie:You are so right. I do grasp for happiness for that feeling of normality. As you say I then anxiously try to push it away and that makes the problem worse. The question is how do I stop anxiously trying to push it away, once the sickness and and tight chest take a grip I am again caught up in the whirl wind. I know in reality that my progress is fantastic, as I said previously I work, socailse etc. It just feels like i dont have a full grip on “just getting on with it” Sometimes I do things and think “oh my god i feel so down and bored I will never enjoy it and guess what in most cases i DO enjoy it and forget about myself. I also believe mornings are my worst. If i could get up not feeling anxious my day would be fine. I set myself up for a bad day the minute I become aware of my surroundings as feelings of “another day, here we go again will I cope”just come without any thought from me at all they just always seem to be there waiting to greet me.
    Thank you so much for taking time out to reply, truly appreciated. Sorry for such long post but it reallyu helps to get things off my chest.
    I look forward to any feed back. Many thanks again

  152. lorryt Says:

    Hi Fiona

    I have just been to see my hubbys boss and he is a very understanding man, he wants to speak to my hubby and see how things are. trouble is hubby has been given more drugs flupentixol ( i think was useless for me ). As usual docs want to throw medication at the issue, when medication isnt gonna help.
    My recovery is progresssing well apart from the odd hiccup like this which throws me into turmoil, i now realise that its not my worry , its my hubby that has to sort his own head out. I am doing ok and now dont visit here that much as i dont need the nudging or reassurance ( apart from today ) its all within me. but when it comes to hubby its a different ball game !!!!. How are you doing Fiona?. its great to see people on here that have had help and are getting better. sorry to go on but you guys dont realise how much support you do give, and how much it means to me !xx

  153. amy Says:

    Candie-Thank you, you are such a blessing to this site…I’m not sure you realize how helpful you are. You are “paying it forward”. My friend that was agoraphobic for close to a year, fully recovered quite some time ago and she is such an outgoing, sweet person. She is like my little therapist (she recovered w/ the same methods here) and she calls it “paying it forward”…she thrives on helping me and others that are in a funk with anxiety and such! That’s what you do here…you will be blessed in ways you don’t know for helping others in need. You really have some amazing advice too…I believe you could write your own book or go into “freelance therapy” haha, is there even such a thing?? Scarlett is wonderful too and of course Paul and some others that have recovered :)

    I’m so glad that you had such a great experience with having your baby…it’s very reassuring!! My gut and heart tell me that I’ll be just fine, I think it will be a positive distraction and with allll that love of a new baby, how could it not be a good thing?? I do have a few worries about post partum depression….however, my whole life and even now I’ve never struggled with dp so I’m sure it will be just fine!! Anxiety plays silly tricks I tell ya!

    Fiona-I agree, it is a big event and anyone would be anxious! I’m still learning to live alongside all the funk of anxiety and all the strange feelings…it’s very hard sometimes to “let it ride”, but day by day I start to understand it a little better :) Wow, 30 weeks…so close, how exciting!! A boy…even more exciting! So happy for you and can’t wait to hear more about it once he has arrived 😉 Thank you again for your support, it means the world!!

  154. Scarlet Says:

    Just like to say to those who are feeling dull and not interested in life, every day is a challenge, having a dull nondescript, sometimes depressed feeling. This was the last feeling to go for me after the thoughts had subsided (at around 90-95% recovered) . Go with the feeling, accept it as normal for recovery and carry on, let it run it’s course. You are near the end………

    Sorry if a few people have asked me questions and I didn’t answer, back to you soon.. :-(


  155. sasha Says:

    Wow!!!!!!! Scarlet…
    i just loved ur msg….

    even i think i am nearing the end of the tunnel…feel like i have reached the end and getting some light..but again there comes another tunnel..
    i know its an up and down used to it..but i wonder when the day comes when i come here and write like Scarlet or emmanuel or like any other person who has recovered completely…
    i’ll be defenitely here to tell u all what actually clicked in and how it all ”happened” because its such a relief and encouragement to hear from someone who has totally recovered..
    thanks Scarlet..

    Hi Rosemary..

    i could relate to u as well as u said i have to do the same things i had done before to proove it to myself that i could ”do” it again..
    its like a groundhog day telling myself that i can do…
    but what i do when i feel dull is instead of just letting it go thinking its just a feeling it will go..i instantly do something which i normally wont do , which i would procrastinate because of my laziness.
    but despite of how i feel if i do something i feel good in the end thinking that i have done that and nothing can stop me..but as u said i just cant sit and relax…sip a coffee and njoy an evening doing nothing..that day hasnt arrived yet…:(

    lets carry on with our if nothing can stop us though we may not be able to njoy it as how it shud be atleast we can be happy that we had done it..:) gradually i think we will get into the flow of it even without us being aware of it…

    when u think about doing things i mean like in the mornings..usually things come to ur mind or u plan for the day.. how is it like?
    i sometimes feel if i just let those feelings float through i may just waste my day instead i focus on something and go ahead with my day…
    i feel i am quite forgetful also these days…..hmmm

    …like every night has a day coming ahead…we can set our faith that there are awesome dayss awaiting us after those not so great days…

    wud love to hear from u..:)

  156. Mike F. Says:

    OK, I left a comment further up about feeling more anxious after even mild exercise (stretching and calisthenics). The fact is, I feel odd and dissociated for days after even doing a small workout. Its so discouraging. I try to do something good for myself, and it just makes me feel worse. I don’t know if I should keep at it and work through it, or stop the exercise for now. Any advice?

  157. amy Says:

    Mike F-Don’t stop exercising! I just left the gym myself…I felt yucky and whatnot, but I pushed through it. I’m up and down about it myself…sometimes I love it and sometimes I don’t. But, there is nooo doubt that it is beneficial in soo many ways :)

  158. amy Says:

    Also, I wanted to add to my above comment about depression. I said I’ve never had it and still don’t believe that I do. BUT, what I do have is a ton of frustration. I get frustrated b/c I feel like I’m not able to go like I used to, I hold myself back b/c of certain anxieties and fears (I’m doing better at this though) and I just want to go back to the old me. This, to me, is alll frustration. I’m still happy and feel tremendously blessed with my life. It’s so easy in our situation to find all the negatives about our lives, but truly we should try and find the positive and realize that we have so many wonderful things to be thankful for. With that being said…my point is this, maybe just maybe a lot of us here experience more of frustration than actual depression. This is just a thought, b/c I feel like it’s true in my case. If anything it’s a more positive way to look at it??

  159. Bobby Says:

    Hey everyone. I have been suffering from anxiety for 4 months now and I have found this website only a month ago and have made TREMENDOUS progress. I went from being an absolute wreck having panic attacks every other day, taking every negative worrying thought seriously and thinking I had all of these problems to deal with when now I know its just anxiety playing its tricks. My physical symptoms and depersonalization have faded however the racing, worrying, and illogical thoughts have been the worst for me. I have gotten pretty good at letting these thoughts go and not getting involved when I RECOGNIZE them, but sometimes some thoughts truly trick me into believing them and before I know it my mind goes racing and I suddenly become very self-aware and cannot focus on the rest of the world. My anxious thoughts are so contradicting and confusing that sometimes I truly am sucked in by them without even being able to dismiss them as anxious thoughts. What do I do? I truly don’t fear any physical symptoms, feeling odd/distant, depersonalization or anything like that. But when my thoughts get so fast and contradict everything, its hard to dismiss them because i have already been tricked into believing them.

    Lastly, I have come so far on my road to recovery but I was wondering, is recovery only attainable if we perfectly dismiss our symptoms or is the actual physical healing of our mind and nerves the key? Because I find it so hard to perfectly dismiss my anxious thoughts sometimes because like I said they find any and everyway to contradict. Please advise. Thank you!

  160. candie Says:

    Hi everyone a few people responded to me, im try sum up everything people have asked as im bit busy at the mo. Ok firstly about when you get a thought that feels like you have an urge to do something scary. Dont worry about that at all, iv had millions of thoughts like that. Having a perverse thought or urge now and again is completely normal for everyone and isnt an anxiety thing… its what everyone gets from time to time. Its not the feeling you may do it thats important, its that your trying to get yourself not to feel that way which is keeping it coming. For me i just allowed myself to feel like bad things was going to happen, i told myself thats what anxiety does it preppares your body for the worst- but theres no real threat for us just adrenalin producing false threat so our mind wonders inward. Dont get so caught up in feeling like u may do something and try figuring it out, just accept its a normal feeling that has stuck because of anxiety. I just ignored it so to speak, i decided i wouldnt try elliminate it- i allowed it to be there. When i did that my mind eventually moved on from it, like a normal persons would.

    Ok, about feeling low and depressed at times- id go with what Scarlet says. If you feel low and then your mind starts spinning and you get the feeling where you dont know how to stop it, just decide you wont try stop any of this you will take it all on the chin and get on with things. A lot of people worry about feeling low with anxiety, but its harmless. Think of it this way- when we are highly anxious our adrenalin hormones block our hunger pangs and our appetite goes (same for nervous or excitement too).. Well when we are highly anxious its a known fact some of the stress hormones block some of our feel good hormones temporarily. That is really all it is, but some people dont realise this and follow that pit in there stomach feeling fighting there way out panicking they will feel low forever- i should know that used to be me! Alls you have to do is pay it no weight and understand as soon as your anxiety drops down a bit your feel good hormones can work. Thats why we sometimes cant feel enjoyment at things, again people get more anxious over this one and try figure it out and feel even worse as they produce more adrenalin and it has a nock on effect on there mood!

    Sorry if its a bit of a waffle, multi taskin with my Little boy at the mo lol

  161. yolande Says:

    Hi Scarlet,

    Came on here and read your post abt feeling low. What a help it has been! I have been at the last stage for a few months now and sometimes i just cant help but wonder how long more do i have to go.
    wud appreciate any comments/ advice that you can share.

    Thanks so much

  162. rosemary Says:

    Hello sasha. Thanks for your comments.
    Mornings are my worst time for sure. Its just that sometimes i get so stressed out because i wake up feeling sick that i struggle all day to get rid of it instead of accepting.Its amazing when i put my guard down how good i feel. I have moved on loads but this feeling low and depressed is the worst. I think the feeling of being out of it, unreal has passed for me. Perhaps as Amy said perhaps it is just frustration and i build it up more than i need to. I do hope that scarlet is right and that we are reaching the end of the tunnel. Just out of interested Scarlet howl ong did u suffer and how long did the low feeling last. Can u truly say you have fully recovered now? How did u shake the low when it grabs you in the pit of your stomach.Its so hard toignore.I have a fantastic family life and everything I need to move forward just feel like i cant quite get out of this hole. My fingernails are on the edge waiting to pull me out. Comments if possible. Thanks

  163. scarlet Says:

    Yolande, Rosemary,

    Yes I am fully recovered now, don’t have any fear of any of the symptoms returning. If any of life’s events make me feel a bit low or anxious, I use the tools I have learned on here, i.e. ignore the feeling, let it run it’s course, have no fear and let it pass. Always works. I never dwell on anything now really, or analyse any feelings, irrational thoughts… am not afraid of anything life throws at me. If I was left all alone on a desert island I would cope…

    With regards to how long it took me to recover. I had anxiety/depression around 2 years. First year was hell, after then I found on-line support and then this site, took me a further year to recover. The ‘low’ feeling was with me for a further 6-8 months after the thoughts subsided. Could even have been about 10 months (can’t remember exactly), but I think I said before, despite having the tools for recovery it took me a further year to be able to implement them. It’s when I stopped bothering to think about how I felt, that the ‘low’ feeling disappeared, and even then it was a gradual process. Hope this helps.

  164. mike Says:

    hello everybody,
    listen lorry i know how you feel at moment because when i hit rock bottom i suppose 18 months ago you are a mess and you dont know what the script is. medication helped me for 12 months so tell the hubby not to get too down about medication.
    reading and remembering you from past posts you have been there yourself and you should be proud of yourself for being there for your hubby.
    i know us men give it the big I AM ( BREAD WINNER ETC ) but your support to your fella at the minute will keep him going knowing youre there xx .
    introduce him to the site and see how it goes from there.

  165. marc Says:

    guys any tips on how to try get our ‘feel good’ hormones back???? because this feeling of like im an emotional cripple and cant feel anything-happyness etc is gettin to me!!!! :( i can do quite well when it comes to the ‘scary thoughts’ but this feeling of emotionless doesnt help with the ‘depersonalization’ which in my view is the worst!!!!

    would really appreciate any tips or advice guys! thanks

    marc :)

  166. Mike F. Says:

    Amy – Thanks for the response. I will keep at it for now.

    Scarlet – That is inspiring, thanks for sharing.

  167. HG Says:

    I have been following this blog for the last 5-months and must say that reading your book Paul has helped take more of the fear out of anxiety. Other books that have helped that were suggested on this blog were Stop Thinking and Start Living and Dr. Claire Weekes book, Peace From Nervous Suffering. Great books. I have battled with this for over 7-years. I have come along way from not being able to hardly get out of bed. I do work full-time at a job I enjoy. My anxiety started when I had a job that was too stressful and my body just shut down. It still is very painful to me and I fear that if I get too stressed out again I will just shut down again. My way of dealing with anxiety before was to go to the doctor and they prescribe medicine. I thought this would be the silver bullet. It would last awhile and then it would stop working. I thought nothing can help me. That was my first mistake. Like Paul writes it is helping yourself internally not expecting something externally to change you. I have enjoyed seeing the success people are getting and pray and hope this will be me someday. I have a beautiful supporting wife and wonder twin boys. I am currently going through my biggest setback that has lasted for about 4-months. I thik I just fear life. When listening to my thoughts they are fear-generated of shutting down again and fear of what the future holds. I cannot seem to stay with the present and just enjoy the moment. I am facing it more and not letting all the symptoms scare me as much. My thoughts are attached to so much pain. I am trying to learn that thoughts are just thoughts and I am the one in control. Once I have periods of feeling good I wonder how long it will last instead of just enjoying it…inward thinking…stop right? Paul I wish you had CDs available so we could take your teachings where ever we go. I have not heard much on the blogs if medicines help some while training yourself how to properly deal with anxiety. I am so tired of it but obviously not tired enough to say enough is enough. I have gone to a couple of therapist and all they want you to do is concentrate on all past problems. Which I realised was only making me worst. Stop Thinking and Start Living taught me that. I wish I could find a therapist who would reinforce Paul’s and Dr Weekes techniques. How do you go about finding such a person? I live in the US. I don’t want to sound like a broken record on here but it is a day by day thing and I feel like I lose hope. Thank God for this website and your teachings. It is helping but is hard to accept and surrender. I just want my life back. I know, self pitty talking. I used to be so much more confident and out going. I know anxiety is just adrenaline producing fear. I know reading Patrick’s posts, which are very good, that it only took you 2-years was great to rea but also fealt very sad that I just keep going around on this hampster wheel. I would love to hear from anyone. When I talk to people about their anxiety issues I refer them to this website. Finally a site that makes since!!!

  168. Paul David Says:

    Scarlet says: It’s when I stopped bothering to think about how I felt, that the ‘low’ feeling disappeared, and even then it was a gradual process. Hope this helps.

    Pretty much the last stage for me, when I had learnt enough to no longer care or respect how I felt was massive in my own recovery. At first I automatically thought about me, monitored how I felt, etc, through habit. I never tried to force myself not to think of me, but I did not dwell on it and turn things over and over like before, rather go with it and in time the habit left me and I was free to think about other things again.

  169. yolande Says:

    Hi Paul

    That’s pretty much what I am going thru now. i wud automatically think abt how i feel today etc. at first i tried to stop myself from doing it but then i remembered what you had advised, that’s it’s ok if you sometimes think abt your condition…………and that it takes time for the body to fully accept that you are recovering. this i guess it’s the hardest for me. sometimes i can do it, and sometimes i cant. i always panick when the low feelings hit and when the thoughts on how i am feeling or why am i feeling thus, hit me.

    but i have come such a long way……….. i will continue to practice what has been shared here. i know i just need more time for the habit to die off.

    it’s just that it seems to hard to believe that even at the last stage, you wud still get these low feelings. my sister said that even healthy ppl feel down sometimes so much less us who are recovering. i used to think ís this normal everyday mood or is it caused by anxiety – then i told myself it doesnt matter which it is, i just have to accept the feelings and carry on, as Scarlet and Candie has shared.

  170. lorryt Says:


    thanks for the support, i know by my own experiences that hes nowhere near as bad as i was, but i understand that he hates feeling like this. he puts too much pressure on himself to want to be right as we have a growing family bills etc ( which i am slowling losing it about how to pay them !). i am trying to approach it with a can do attitude, we can sort this out etc, . but i stress about finances. he wont even entertain reading teh book let alone come to the website. he ahs been on anti depressants for about 7 years when he had a breakdown, and he was given something else last week but they dont work as i was given them a few years back and they didnt work. its all about the attitude you have to it. its easy for me to say just ACCEPT IT, and move on it will eventually burn itself out. but i have a feeeling things may take some time. im just stressing out about everything and i m abit ocncerend we may lose our house, maybe its just me being irrational but we moved to here coz half teh problem last time was where we lived it was so stressful. seems like we arre just bumbling from one disaster to another at the mo. he hasnt worked a full month for 6 months now , its been hard going and i feel things are just gonna get worse. sorry to go on but i need to get it out todayxxxxxxxxxxxx

  171. yolande Says:

    Candie, you said “”yolande we all feel low at times, you are just fighting feeling low and pushing it away..theres nothing wrong with you other then you are battling with yourself ”

    You know what?? You are so right!! I have been fighting myself to NOT TO feel low cos i keep thinkg it’s caused by anxiety. but so what right? even if it is, i shd just live with it and ride it out.

    Thank you for bringing it up.

    Thanks Patrick & Scarlet too for your replies.

  172. Patrick Says:

    I still feel low occasionally, even though I have recovered. I learned during anxiety that its just perception of things that can be very different when you are suffering from anxiety. Everything seems exagerated, depression, an ache or pain, a thought etc.

    When you are not suffering from anxiety, things just get taken in your stride. When I feel low now, It barely registers, its like, OK so I feel low today but it will pass. And it does, no fuss, no worry.

    When I had depression during anxiety, I was like “OMG”, “now I’m depressed”,”what am I going to do”, “when will this pass”, “how can I carry on like this”, I must find a way to get past this etc etc etc!!

    All just an exageratted response to something that everybody has, and is just a normal part of life . . .

    This is why when you do recover, you will have gained a whole load of tools for dealing with life, that you never had before. When you are suffering you spend a lot of time wishing you could get back to how you were; now I see that I would not want to go back, as the person I am now is even better and stronger.

    This is also why I would not change what has happened to me.

    “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger”.

    so true

  173. Paul David Says:

    yolande Says:

    July 18th, 2010 at 9:17 am e

    Candie, you said “”yolande we all feel low at times, you are just fighting feeling low and pushing it away..theres nothing wrong with you other then you are battling with yourself ”

    You know what?? You are so right!! I have been fighting myself to NOT TO feel low cos i keep thinkg it’s caused by anxiety. but so what right? even if it is, i shd just live with it and ride it out.

    Yolande I will keep it simple ‘Try to lose the importance of how you feel’ this will stop you monitoring yourself and fighting to feel a certain way. Reading your posts it seems you put a lot of demands to feel or to not feel a certain way, try to practice the opposite.

  174. mike Says:


    i know what you mean re finance. its tough for everyone i guess at moment trying to make ends meet but you worrying about the house etc is just going to keep you further feeling down tension with your chap. etc.
    just gotta go with it and do the best we can lorry. if your chap doesnt want to make the next step and say right enough is enough lets move forward and tackle this thing head on im not sure.
    finding the site for me helped but i also understand maybe this isnt for everyone.
    im sure you will be okay my dear but dont worry about too many things at once as this will be a pointless worry and what will keep you battling anxiety and general worries we probably all have house bills etc.
    keep smiling lorry.
    hope everybody else okay.

  175. Mark R Says:

    Hi all,

    Just an update really. I think Im almost at the end of this setback, I seem to be more interested in other things than myself and anxiety. Im at the point where even when I read a book related to stress m’ent etc it seems to feel not so important to me anymore. I get times where I feel really horrible, really seff concious but these moments are few and far between and dont last very long.

    This is how I recovered before and it just faded in time.

    I’m pretty much doing everything I was before this setback happened but dont feel 100% comfortable doing it.

    This being my 3rd bout of anxiety in 8 yrs, I’d like to hope that in future I can handle things better without spiralling down into this again. Do any of the recovered have any tips for this? After all prevention is better than cure.


  176. Patrick Says:

    Mark R Says:
    This being my 3rd bout of anxiety in 8 yrs, I’d like to hope that in future I can handle things better without spiralling down into this again. Do any of the recovered have any tips for this?

    I’ve had many bouts of anxiety over the years as well, but really hit rock bottom with a total breakdown in recent years. During this breakdown I found this support group and have learned to not fear anything anxiety related. I have been recovered now for many many months and literally have no fear of anxiety.

    I have no concern that I will spiral down again, because I have no fear. Overcoming an anxiety disorder is exactly the same as overcome a minor anxiety problem, like fear of flying. Once you conquer that fear, it will never be an issue again.

    Obviously conquering an anxiety disorder is not something that happens overnight, but the way forward is to do exactly what all the advice on this forum says, which is to learn to disregard any symptom physical and mental. So what if you feel odd, detached, or any other symptom. It is possible to live your life with these symptoms and learn to welcome them and accept them. Once you do, you overcome your fear.

    I know how hard it is to do, and it is not a smooth journey, I and many others had many ups and downs, periods of good, periods of bad etc, but over time I really didn’t care any more how I felt. I felt odd, but so what. I felt dizzy, so what. I felt depressed, so what!

    Don’t beat yourself up if you don’t feel like you are handling things well at the moment. There were many times for me when I felt weaker and didn’t have the resolve to “accept” but again, with time, this “doubt” disappeared competely as well.

    All the best and Regards


  177. Nicola Says:

    Thank you Patrick for your posts – they were exactly what I needed to hear today *love*


  178. LORRYT Says:

    Hi Mike

    i understand really, i just find it all so frustrating, im better off away from him at the moment ( at work), seems to get my head claer and sort out my perspective. silly thing is he used to say all the things to me that im saying to him but he isnt listening to me !. I say to him ( not that im very tactful) just accept that it is going to be this ay for abit and it takes the pressure off. he beats himself up about it all.which in turn makes it worse. hes got to break the cycle and sort it out. i will get back to work but thanks for all your support, hope you are all well xxxxxxxx

  179. LORRYT Says:


    so true that comment ,and we are living proof !! i totally know how its changed my attitude towards life, just got to get that drummed in my hubbys head!!!


  180. Eileen Says:

    Visit this site every now and then for support… Had first bad eposode of anxiety 9 years ago when i got divorced, moved house and had a very stressful job as manager in nursing. Lasted about 6 months, but gradually got better.

    Had other episodes over the years, and experienced most of the so called treatments ie meds, accupuncture, reflexology,counselling, reiki etc etc.

    Last big episode happened over Christmas period, and I got very depressed as well. Was prescribed usual meds by gp which got me over the period.

    I found Pauls site last October, bought book and started trying to follow the guidance. Felt that a light had gone on in regard to the explanations given which really helped and provided reassurance.

    This last month I have been waking with the usual sicky feeling and tight head which makes my eyes tired and makes me feel giddy. This has been lasting throughout the day. Also feeling very tired.Telling myself that this is just the anxiety causing these symptoms. Am continuing to carry out usual activities, ie looking after my niece whose 1, walking the dog, domestic chores, cinema, pub quiz etc, and trying not to focus on the symptoms.

    Just wondering how I keep myself positive and focused on keeping the faith when these annoying symptoms persist even though I am focused on other things.

    Would welcome some advice. Thanks Eileen,

  181. mike Says:

    no probs lorry.
    eileen you hit the nail on the head, just keep doing what you are doing.
    looking after niece, walking dog cinema pub quiz.
    just let the anxiety go with you and enjoy doing the things you are doing.

  182. J Says:

    Hello everyone. Paul great book thought it was one of the top three books I’ve ever read on anxiety your theory makes 100% sense

    I’d like to share my story with everyone and see if some can relate and also offer a few kind words of support


  183. Jay Says:

    Quick question guys. Paul I bought your book and it was great I went through anxiety and panic four years ago and thought I was finished but it came back over a depressing period and I developed phobia and obsessie thoughts I’ve been using your advise plus cbt and the scary thoughts are going away except when the adrenaline spikes. I talked to a psycologist and these are commen fears people with anxiety develop we can recognize good symmetry in anything and it is the anxiety that is making you wonder if you really are attractive to your thoughts relax your not you are just checking and over allaying people can tell if I child is cute all the time just like women notice other good looking women but it dosent mean there gay they j start to over analyze why they think there attractive when they have anxiety and lots of adrenaline my question is the hardest one to get rid of now is thinking with everything I’ve been trough all te do and everything that I’ve descending into a mental illness so I do like Paul and others say and not let the terror and high addrenaline moments dare me. And when there done I still feel a little drunk but I can laugh and have fun and sometime the thoughts oft I’m so laughy and ebergentic afterward will dare me cause il think I’ve got like bi polar but I know that I’m really just getting better anyone else can relate

  184. lorryt Says:

    hi there
    yes me again, just cant seem to get through to my hubby that he needs to just take it with him and keep on keeping on as it were. i tell him just to let it go over him and think nothing of it. he hates thef eelings but i keep reassuring him thats all they are just feelings, transient things that affect your thinming or what to believe. i see a rocky road ahead but i may well be wrong, dont want to pressure him but we need cash and we will have to sell his pride and joy his car ( ohh bummer ). no nice way of doing it really but thats another negative for him and i know what he’ll do !!!!. i think i need to get away from here as i see more needy people who are living with anxiety rather than having to try and assist someone thorugh it. i am sooo bangin my head against a brick wall . sorry xxxxx

  185. rosemary Says:

    hi again
    having a particularly difficult start to my day. My husband is soo grumpy at the minute,snappy and negative, not anxiety just a tiny bit of stress i think.However his moods affect me so badly.I came in yesterday having been out to work feeling really good and had a great day.Had been joking with my work mates etc only to be greeted by his negative talk and him being grumpy and then not very talkative at all.It changed my mood so much and i spent the rest of the day on tender hooks. Why does his mood afrfect me so much, i wish it didnt. I think its because i feel for him and how he feels but he never seems to consider my feelings. He know i suffer daily but still feels free to dump hisbad mood on me. I feel really low at the moment and i know anxiety blows things out of proportion. Paul perhaps when you do your next post you could include something on feeling low or depressed. thanks in anticipation

  186. LORRYT Says:


    coming from someone who is experiencing the same, i have learnt to say to myself that its not your fault hes in that mood and dont let it get you down .At the moment my kids cant do a thing right , and im getting my head bitten off every move i make, it gets to me, but i know its not me thats doing it if you understand me!?.i have had some particularly good months and now it seems my hubby has been signed off with anxiety, so the boot is on the other foot ( all self inflicted i may add!), walked out on one job, got stressed by another, has been 6 weeks at one job and now been signed off. hes quite a highly strung man and what i would call high maintenance, hestoo ahrd on himself and gets wound up by everything. Just be safe in the knowledge that its not you thats getting him stressed although you are getting the rough end of it!.Does he realise hes doing it??. it is like treading on eggs shells and it makes me think, hold on a minute, im in a good mood why should it get to me, but i guess we care for the ones we love thats y we are so sensitive and hate to see them like it. i have had to toughen up a lot i used to think it was my fault.!!! thats my anxiety blowing it all out of proportion . it doesnt make our own recovery any quicker, but it certainly helps us test out the methods to recover !!!!. know where you are at , dont let em grind you down !
    have a good one xx

  187. Patrick Says:

    Eileen Says:
    Just wondering how I keep myself positive and focused on keeping the faith when these annoying symptoms persist even though I am focused on other things.

    Would welcome some advice. Thanks Eileen,

    Eileen, imagine someone having arthritis, and try to imagine how they go about their day. They don’t wake up and think, right what can I do today to not focus on my arthritis? Yet they are probably fully aware of the pain at every stage of the day.

    This is the attitude you need to adopt with regard to anxious symptoms. I know how tough this is and it does not happen overnight, but believe me it does get easier. Once you can carry out your day WITH all the same symptoms, but without wondering how you might get rid of them, or why they still linger etc etc, that is when you have everything in place for a full recovery.

    Focusing on something else will not make you better, but focusing on something else whilst having anxiety and “Not Caring” about the anxiety.

    Adopting this attitude takes practice, it took me ages before it became second nature, and even then I had periods where I felt like I had had enough and got really frustrated with it all.

    I know people say Adopt a “So what” attitude etc, but that really is true. Take your dog for a walk and so what if you feel strange ? so what if you feel dizzy, so what if you spend the whole walk focusing on you ? By starting to adopt this attitude it will eventually become second nature.

    Take Care


  188. Eileen Says:

    Patrick and Mike
    Thank you both so much for your responses. Eileen

  189. rosemary Says:

    Thanks for that.How is it i hide my feelings so as not to upset him and he although he fully understands that I suffer with anxiety just lets all his raw and negative emotion pour all over me without a second thought for how it affects me. I will toughen up thanks

  190. lorryt Says:


    i know exactly how you feel , we are too guarded, and dont want to upset them thats the trouble. we are not wanting to upset them for fear of reprisals – as in them losing their temper. i am so fed up of treading on egg shells, i dont anymore. i let him know how i feel in a positive way!. with regards to toughening up , it takles time and it doesnt mean you will be insensiitive , justs means it wont affect you in the same way anymore. As you recover and your attitude towards the anxiety changes so will your attitude to handling all the negative stuff that comes from others ! well it has for me up till now anyway !! its hard but a road worth travelling. try and be positive and keep focused . have a good day xxxxxxx

  191. David Says:

    High anxiety and panic plus work is not an easy combination. I would like to know of your experiences and how you overcame anxiety and panic or any coping skills that are working for you. thanks!

  192. CW Says:

    Hi everyone

    Glad to see some familiar names still on board as i haven’t been on here for quite some time think it was around christmas my last post actually!

    Been doing ok, a definite up and down affair but still having my major hangup of thinking i’m going to start hearing voices! it is so silly i know but i cannot shake it off at all, as i still believe it starts somewhere – why is this?

    it is 100 times worse at bedtime when it is quiet as my head just tunes in to every thought and i don’t know whether it is mind chatter or not? and i get so scared i start stressing thinking this is it i knew i was going to become one. Started feeling trembly and heart racing and totally freaked out by what was happening as i haven’t felt like that for months. i don’t get it in the day as i’m busying doing things but tonight was quite bad – hence the post. Sorry to be negative i really can ignore it a lot of times but this darn worry is crippling. I am so frightened i am going to become a schizo (sorry for spelling) the word just petrifies me. It is 90% with me most of the day, sometimes my head and ears just feel so bunged up with it which in turns brings on major DP. Can anyone else relate to it as i think i’ve developed a phobia now, or am i totally unique in this??

    Its really lovely to see Nina and Teresa back as it was about the same time i logged on and saw what they were going through and now they are well on their way to recovery – well done girls!! and of course to everyone else. Many times i feel totally back to myself but odd occasions when i think what the hell is going on? is this my life, did i do this before? what if blah blah blah!! If anyone can give me any pointers i would be so very grateful.:-)

    Sending everyone happy thoughts and worry free times ahead xx


  193. amy Says:

    Ok…quick question. I have little issues with my breathing when I get anxious. I’m pretty sure most of us do, I suppose it’s all a part of it. I just start to focus on it too much and I start to breathe shallow…it usually passes, but it’s annoying.

    My question…today I went across town during 5 oclock traffic during a horrific thunder storm. I couldn’t even see in front of me and there were fire trucks flying past me…it was bumper to bumper. I started to get anxious and my chest got tight and my breathing got worse than it’s ever been :( I felt like I couldn’t catch my breath or take a deep breath. When it happened I just KNEW I was going to start hyperventilating really badly. I envisioned myself gasping for air and hyperventilating so badly that I can’t breathe. I know the shallow breathing is considered hyperventilating, but I just want to hear from others that have experienced this that I won’t seriously hyperventilate. Will I? I tried the deep breathing and tried floating past the panicky feeling, but the breathing really scared me.

    I appreciate any advice on this :)

  194. Lynn Says:

    Hi! I just found your website and blog today, and I’d like you to know that it has really helped me out. I’ve had panic disorder since I was 12 (I’m 17 now). Panic attacks are just the worst, but what really helps me is knowing that I’m not alone, that others have the same symptoms that I do, and educating myself on anxiety. Seeing a list of symptoms and being able to relate to them brings great relief, since I don’t have to worry about having some weird problem that no one else has ever had before.

    amy, I’ve had panic attacks while driving, too, and what helps me is taking long, deep breaths. I know it’s hard to do in the middle of a panic attack, but it works! As long as you focus on taking deep breaths, you won’t hyperventilate.

  195. candie Says:

    CW what you describe is mind chatter yes, whenever i fall asleep if iv been anxious my mind chatters away. When im half asleep but slightly aware sometimes i will imagine flickers of conversations iv had during the day, or if iv spoke to someone that day a lot il imagine little moments of them speaking. Honestly this one isnt even an anxiety symptom, its a normal thing to experience for anyone who is tired out. We just tune in when anxious and asume the worst. Its not hear voices at all as your mind is half asleep so your sort of half dreaming. People that hear voices are not suffering from anxiety at all, and they hear them clearly throughout the day time asif someone is actually speaking to them. What you have is just a racing mind that wont shut of when your half asleep and can frighten you. When im really tired and about to nod of i have lots of mind chatter, so dont worry yourself :)

  196. Amy Says:

    Lynn-HI! First, thank you for your reply…that helped! That’s the first time my breathing became that hard. Second, I’m sorry to hear that you have to deal with it too, but I’m soo glad you found this site. This site is so helpful and supportive :) Educating yourself is key…not to over-google, but just find the right support and education you need to cope and recover! You are SO not alone 😉

  197. lisa Says:

    cw, agree totally with candie, its all normal just allow it, mine does when im drifting off to sleep, just doesnt bother me anymore.

  198. CW Says:

    Oh guys you are all so great honestly, thanks so much for responding to my post. I know deep down it is but its that little bit of me that thinks its not. When it first started i was googling and came across the disorder and couldn’t let it go and now its the one thing that is with me all the time. It wasn’t even how it started lol!

    Getting there slowly tho, to be honest been so feeling like my old self again for quite some time now just need to get rid of this horrible scared feeling. My DP tends to hit me really suddenly at times too which i didn’t think it could especially when i’ve been having a really good day. Does anyone else get this?

    Its coming up almost a year in september when i first began this path but it definitely gets better the more you just accept it and get on with it. It is so true!!

    Hang in there to everyone, recovery will come to us all :-)

  199. simon Says:

    Hi everyone,do any one of u guys have a fear of exercise ? recently i tried to do some light exercise for the 1st time since my 1st panic attack a year ago..of course even before i start exercising,i already feel anxiety..a little palpitation and dizziness but when i started walking and jog..i just felt my heart beats so fast like close to 150s a min or so..feel so lightheaded and a sensation of going 2 pass out so i stopped and felt a bit better but the dizzines remains the whole night.I had 2x ecg stress test early this year and last year both are normal and several cardiac test and cardiologist told me tried to start a light exercise but i just couldnt tolerate exercising anymore even light jog.will sent me high it just anxiety causing my symptoms worse when i work out ? or something else is causing this ? i dont know i should go back to the doctor / cardiologist cause they have done all the test and couldnt find anything not even the answer for my frequent dizziness.

  200. Fiona Says:

    Simon, it seems you have anxious thoughts around excercise and most of the feelings are self-perpetuated. I’m keep fit regularly and have never found it to exasperate anxiety symptoms , in fact most people agree that it helps with the symptoms. To be honest i think the problem lies within you and you have built up many false fears around excercise i.e. thinking you will be dizzy or pass out. My advice is just go and do it, accept the dizziness as normal and just keep going. Anxiety has a stopping point you will not collapse or anything like that. Its is your own fear of what may happen which is holding you back, not the anxiety symptoms.
    Hope this helps
    Fi xxx

  201. J Says:

    Hello candi , from some previous posts Ive noticed there have been a few things that you have gone through and experience that i’am Im having a very bad time right now in my life and I need someone to talk to about these things that can understand and give me some guidance,

    Would it be ok if i could msn you as there is so much to type for on here,

    I know its alot to ask but it would mean the world to me ,

    Thank You Kindley

  202. rosemary Says:

    Having a bit of a rubbish day today. I wanted to pass this by you and see if anyone can relate to the experience i am about to describe. As I wake in the morning I feel sick,churning stomach, feel low like nothing can lift my mood or nothing that can take my interest. I struggle some days as the sense of heavy chest,sick tummy and low feeling do not subside (Or always exist in the background), I find that i have a problem in the daytime just focusing on the here and now (either focus on how rubbish I feel or worry about what may happen in the future) .Dont get me wrong, this isnt every day although sometimes my mind tricks me into forgetting that I do have alright days to. But here is the strange bit, early eve when the days duties are done and i can sit and rest i start to feel really relaxed, almost happy and content and forget about the horrible day I have had. I feel completley at peace with myself and do not think about anything other than the minute i am living. No worry about past or future. At this stage I could happily take on any task requested of me as I would have done before anxiety depression hit me. Everything feels perfect. I go to bed really relaxed and sleep really well, but then in the morning when I wake BANG its back again,low,sick, worry, how will i get through the day i always feel so crap and off we go again. Does anyone else have this real up and down every day. I went out last night for a family meal. I had a great eve, lots of food and good conversation went back home feeling really good (a slight headache due to hayfever) woke up this morning and have felt worried and low all day for no reason. Can anyone share this or help with any advise. Thanks so much I know that posting this here will get me some answers. Is this a bad habit I am in just expecting to feel this each day and struggle through the day til eve when i feel better. Answers anyone please!!!!!!

  203. candie Says:

    Hi J i dont give my msn out im afraid, msn is my personal space away from anxiety etc but if you ever want to ask me anything feel free to do so on here and il be more then happy to answer :)

  204. mike Says:

    hello everyone.
    si, the anxiety is telling you that you will feel like shit on your run/exercise etc.
    you need to go with the fear mate. build it up, e.g mile walks every other night and then go from there. you can do it mate.
    rose, when the anxiety is there just let it be with you, nights used to be the worst for me cause everything was quiet.

  205. christina Says:

    Hi Rosemary, I can completely relate to what you are saying. I have had periods of anxiety that are exactly what you describe. The day is like combat survival, and then the evening comes and it’s like your mind and body are freed up to live in the present, with comfort and ease. I have wondered too about this. My best guess is that subconsciously we realize we made it through the day, and we take our foot off the accelerator which has been driving the anxiety. We give ourselves a break.

    Don’t worry, everything will even out. Recovery takes time. As someone who has suffered with anxiety periodically over many years, I finally know that acceptance is the cornerstone. It gradually brings down all the stress hormones that have been wreaking havoc inside of us. I am not fully recovered, though I have had many days where I feel so. This means that I have also had setbacks and challenging times. The last few days have been a bit trying. Which in reality is the stepping stool to recovery because it causes you to employ those things that you know are true at a time when the emotions don’t fully back it up. It’s like exercising faith in the midst of doubt.

    I think, as Paul has said a number of times, that recovery is foremost not caring about the symptoms, be they mental or physical. It’s easy to do when you are not feeling anxious. You say to yourself, “what was all the fuss about, I won’t let those feelings get to me again”. Then the feelings come back and you’re like, “Oh no I am overcome, how can I deal with this. Will I be like this forever?” It’s like you’re vacillating between two points of view, one is true and rational, the other, purely driven by feelings of fear not based in reality.

    Eventually the “fear” position starts gravitating toward reality, and you find yourself more able to dismiss the exaggerated feelings, and increase the amount of time you spend in the truth. I haven’t gotten completely to the point of not caring when I feel anxious, old habits do die hard. Listening to those who no longer fear anything their mind or body might throw at them is very encouraging. After all, the point of recovery is to not only lose the fear, but lose the fear and not fall prey to it again.

    Thank God for this blog. I hope something I wrote helps.

  206. rosemary Says:

    Hey Christina
    Thanks for taking the time to reply. It is a comfort to know for sure that someone really does know what I mean and feel.
    How long did it take you to level out and maintain that comfortable “foot off the gas” feeling. I think it makes the mornings so much harder when I have such good evenings. How does my mind do this to me. Did u have difficulty on waking? If so how did u cope? I understand what u say about fear finally becoming reality however i find that so much worry makes me feel so low, and that really makes me sad. Thanks again. Would love to hear your reply.

  207. J Says:

    thanks candi , ok im gonna give this a try , id really appreciate your help and anyone elses.

    Here is my story

    4 years ago I knew nothing about anxiety, I was very stressed at the time , i would have the odd fluter in my chest area but i never got to upset by it.

    Then one day it started to work on my mind well what if its heart realated ? so one time when it happened i got a little upset and noticed getting scared and that my arms went numb, i took that as a sighn of a heart attack and got reall worked up and went to the hospital.

    they told me I was fine even though my blood pressure was high, so i keeped on thinking about it lots and other stresses in my life were bothering me , i ended up going to the emerg a few times and they would give me ativan and told me i had a panic attack, but i kept thinking something was wroung

    I started having the worst electric feelings in my chest thinking something had to be wroung

    I also tried to go out to the bar on weekends like i used to do but immediatly felt terrified and had to run away , which i hated because i was always very social but i had fearfull thoughts about dying and just got so scared.

    the doctor told me i had panic disorder and pescribed me effexor i was reluctant to take the medication though,
    So i went to a big city to the hospital and they checked my gallblader out and eventualy told me it was anxiety , and they put me in a room that was padded with white walls and kick marks were the psyciatric nurse came and gave me a talk and sheets on anxiety and breathing and told me i should take the meds my doctor gave me. So i left the city and drove the 5 hour drive home , as i got 3 hours away and it was at night i stoped at the last stop for 3 hours and was terrified about there not being a hospital for 3 hours i had a major attack and felt like i was gonna have a heart attack so i went back too the city till the morning and left home.

    I finaly did start taking the meds , but when i was in the city i picked up books on anxiety panic attacks and stress , for the next two months i read the books as i was on the meds and learned that stress was causing my ibs and the pains i felt in my chest area were really my stomak spasms caused by stress and excess acid but i though it was my heart because of them being so close, and that it was the anxiety that caused the electric zap feeling and the fight or flight response that caused my overwealming fears.

    So i went back to the doc and told him i was better now i knew what caused this and wanted off the meds , he was reluctant because he said i would have to be on them for a very long time. but i insisted so he weaned me off . it was a horrible experience and i had the worst nausea and brain zap for about 2 weeks till i was completly done.

    after that i was always a little anxious at times but i did really well

    fast forward to over a year ago.

    I was going through a bad time in my life i lost my job and couldnt get work because of the recession
    i was hanging out with some bad people and tried coccaine a couple of times as well as mdma i had a bad night on that but i was neve heavy and pulled myself up and neve touched a drug again

    i went through a bad state of depression i was really at an all time low living of credit till i could find work.
    I started dating this new girl ( just a quick comment i would like to add as it will realt to this story in a bit, some times in the past because of feeling i had to be perfect i would have performance anxiety and not always be able to get or maintain an erection.. because i worried so much about it…. it didnt always happen but the odd time when it did i would get really stressed out)

    so back to the story i started seeing this new women and she was very mean she was very controling and mentally abusive, we had only started seeing each other for a few weeks but she demanded i give up my life and move to her country in a few months i told her i needed to work and pay off debts first and that my familly was here… she was very mean about it.

    so the next weekend we went camping and after trying to please her all day even with her contantly yelling and treating me bad we went to our tents to go to bed.

    i was so worked up and anxious that i just couldnt have sex with her.. so she screamed at me and told me that she wasnt going to be with a man who in 6 years was gonna end up as a homosexual… the moment she said this all kinds of scary thoughts flooded my mind it was horrible i kept thinking maybe this is why ive had performance problems before and what if she is right ? why would she say this ? exc….exc… So that night she told me i wasnt even alowed to eat supper as i had a big breakfest that day and to go to bed….. her friends even said to me how terrible she was…

    needless to says i went home and broke it off…. but alot of dammage had been done..

    her hurtfull comments though bugged me a little from time to time… and my life got worse i ended up on a buddy floor for a couple months till finally i got a job way up north, at this time my stress and anxiety levels were huge…

    I also meet a women at this time who was amazing, she has been everything ive ever wanted and is the love of my life.

    but as i was up north i still hadnt dealt with my stress and anxiety,
    so one night working up there in seclusion i got so worried about all my worries that i just felt like i had a breakdown and all my thoughts intesified i had a full blow panic attack, every fear came to mind

    and i think this will realate to the other guys post about being afraid of being a pediophile.

    anyways I started becoming scared of what if that mean women was right what if i turn gay and let down the love of my life

    so i started analyzing people looking at other guys seeing if anything was there,
    I knew this was absolutly crazy as ive been only attracted to women my whole life, anyways it got so bad that if i reconized that someone of the same sex was a nice looking person i would have an anxiety attack i got to the point i avoided looking at guys and couldnt even watch tv… life was hell

    but the good thing was i was loving this new women i was with everything was awsome and we had a great sex life almost everyday. and i had no performance anxietys with her as i was so comfortable…

    but this new fear and phobia kept persisting i was so scared with what ifs , even though i knew they were totaly ridiculas, i stared reading on ocd and found this was very commen that happens to both men and women , and how even though they know there not gay this fear keeps persisting

    eventualy i contacted a top psycologist is is an expert at sex and relationships,

    she explained to me i was fine and that i developed a fear and a phobia , because i worry lots and have anxiety,

    she assured me i wasnt gay nor would i ever be , people who come out later knew for years they just didnt talk about it or tried to live a lie,

    ive never had a thought like this in my life until i had that night with that bad women. and she explained that because it was so intimate and it was comparable to a incident like when someone is raped..

    so i also bought pauls book which was amazing it has helped alot

    My life is very good now Im engaged to the women of my dreams who im very comfortable with and have a great paying job now..

    but i still deal with the anxiety and the fearfull thoughts still come… i know longer avoid going places and can look at other men without getting scared,

    it still bothers me sometimes because if i notice someone is a good looking person my anxiety shoots up and all the fear strikes again but i know im not gay and i know im not sexually attracted its just the addenaline and the anxiety,

    I hope this helps the guy who was afraid of children and was scared he could be a pedioplile , everyone reconises when people are good looking women and men do it all the time , just like eveyone can tell when i child is cute, it dosent make us gay or a pervert, we will never act on these scary thoughts its just anxiety)

    my problem is as i try and rid the anxiety and get over this illogical fear of becoming gay , i develeoped new fears

    like what if all theses panic attacks ive had are something else and what if i go scitzo, i tell myself this is not logical as crazy people dont reconize they are crazy but think that people can read there toughts or the fbi is woretaping them.

    but ive noticed when i can switch the fear of the gay thing then the anxiety needs to jump to something else like worrying i might go crazy and i scared myself thinking thoughts like what if i hear voices, or what if i become a person whith anxiety who sees a gun and starts scaring himself about doing stupid things..

    I realise this is all anxiety and excess addrenalin because once i excersise or work it burns off and i feel normal again , scary thoughts die down and i dont have anxiety attacks or feelings of dp ( i actualy overcame the feelings of dp after reading pauls book)

    anyways my life is great i love my women we have a great bond mentaly and pysicaly…

    its just these illogical fears , and anxiety, its so hard somedays , i tend to analyses every thought i have which i know isnt good for example when i get stressed i sing songs ove and over in my head to distract myself, then i think thats abnormal even though i know lots of people that sing tunes in there head through out the day

    also the comment the girl made about going to bed and hearing mind chater about thoughts in her mind i was going through that too and thought i was loosing my mind till i talked to friends and they told me that happends to them too but they pay no attention to it.

    i work shift work so it dosent help with that stuff…. butit no longer bothers me now… mind chatter is just stuff we never questioned before or really noticed till we worried so much and had such high anxiety…

    i started thinking that maybe i should try meds again for anxiety, but im reluctant as i got over this before… i do cbt and david burns exlains that the chemical imbalance is just a theory its never been proven, but as many people that get placebos will recover as thouse with the antidepressent because this is all in our heads

    i just dont want to have any off these obbsessive thoughts anymoe or analyise them so much i just get scared and think somethings wroung which triggers attacks, because i cant slow my mind down sometimes

    id appreciate any comments thank everyone

  208. Eric Says:

    Can anyone relate to this. I have severe depersonalisation 24/7. I go and do things and the whole time all I can think about is how strange I feel, I just get a rushing thought, like ” I’m not me, who am I, what day is it,” it is as if I have to constantly stay on top of the DP feeling just to feel that I am real. Then at night I will replay things I’ve done that day, and they will sometimes feel as if they didn’t really happen, but I know they did. It then scares me to think that I may never realize a clear mind. I have been practicing floating with the feelings and irrational thoughts for about 6 weeks, but it all seems so blurred, like a dream and it scares the hell out of me. I never have a complete break from the feelings of DP, it’s like they are always there just sometimes it gets really bad. Should I just continue to ‘go with the flow’ hoping things will get easier. It just seems to me that I should have some ease in these feelings, but I know they say that it is habit, and I have been like this for 15 years. I just feel like no matter what I do I will always feel this way, no matter how hard I try to break this cycle. Really feeling like i’m at the end of my rope, and need some encouragement. Also, is looking at your children and family members, sometimes as if they are total strangers a symptom of anxiety or could this be depression. Really like some advice.


  209. candie Says:

    Hi J, what you describe is exactly simlar to my experiences with anxiety. I can promise you this will get better, recovery eluded me for 3 years- then i finally read something that took complete fear away of my symptoms. Sure i still felt the first instance of fear, but i had no fear over feeling or thinking like this now. Everyone during there recovery has moments where they think ‘ahh i get it now’, this is what happened to me. I kept having more and more of them and then a read a claire weekes book (i wouldnt reccomend this book really outdated etc) but in it it i found an explanation for why i couldnt let my thinking go. Basically it said that my thinking can seem real, due to the change in brain chemistry from the stress hormones- it was worded a lot better then that but i finally realised i didnt have to work this out anymore, its like i finally beleived what i had already figured out for myself gradually. Ever since i havnt been scared of any thoughts or feelings, sure they have produced scary symptoms but i havnt been afraid to experience these i have seen that for what they are. People on here told me this in one way or another for years, but full recovery still eluded me! Just keep allowing the thoughts and symptoms, they arnt real they only seem real because there is a huge load of adrenalin circulating setting of unnecasary alarm bells. Thats all it really is, so if i have a thought now and it can even feel scary- i just let it and remind myself that its a ‘false alarm’ and float past it.

    Now i wouldnt suggest people go read claire weekes, maybe the revised versions are a lot better i dunno- but what i borrowed was very out of date and a lot of talk of very old fashioned treatments and religion. Just keep going as your doing and your moments of realisation will build up for you :)

  210. Shaun Says:

    Hi Rosemary

    I just wanted to add that I have the exact same issue, in fact its probably the most frustrating part of it all. The technical term for it is Diurnal Variation, but basically, like you say, you wake up feeling bad, then as the day goes by you get less anxious and the fog starts to lift until during the evening you can feel “normal” and even consider planning ahead. The next morning however the anxiety has returned and you go through the whole process again.

    What I have learnt is that when I feel like I’m on the mend and the anxiety is lifting, the time in the day when the fog lifts gets earlier and earlier and when I start to go downhill, it gets later and later and indeed some evenings it never really clears at all. The most important thing is to try and accept it as part of the illness. I know its really hard but you just have to tell yourself that its just a feeling and it can’t hurt you.

    Its also important to realise that trying to make that point in the day when the fog lifts come sooner will have the opposite effect. Patience is the key to all of this. Acceptance and letting time pass without trying to force it will get you where you want to be if you have faith in yourself. Don’t forget though, its not a smooth path and can be littered with ups and downs along the way. The more you experience this, the more you will learn to accept it until the downs don’t hold the fear they once did. Always remember, you are not alone and take comfort in the thought that many other people who are experiencing this not only want to get better themselves but also wish anyone else who is trying to get better every success.

  211. Jo Says:

    Hi J,

    Thank you for sharing your story, i’ve had some similar experiences to you, it’s funny how when you talk about it just how many people have had the same or very similar ‘scary’ thoughts and worries. I just wanted to say that if you keep on accepting how you feel everyday you will fully recover.

    I think it was Candie or Scarlet who said a while back that eventually things will just fall back into place. I was a little unsure as to how this would happen as my anxious mind made me feel that way but i accepted it as the truth and just got on with my life however i felt and i have to say that’s exactly what has happened for me now. It’s taken over 2 years though since i first noticed my anxiety fully, and everyones different but follow the advice on here and you’ll be fine, just give yourself time.


  212. lorryt Says:

    feeling really weird today , kids have broked up from school, and i hate it as i have to work full time for the next 2 weeks. I know i have to do it and the kids understand and are really good, but i have been having abit of a time of it and its just adding to the anxiety, i know not to give it any time, but its weird when you have been so good for so long and its testing you again. guess stress has built up, but at least i know how to handle it.! my hubby has been redirected to a new antidepressant which has a more calming effect on him, its a quick fix while he sorts out his attitude to it all which could take longer!. i think that is the thing i find tricky as i have come through it all but he still struggles, and the kids are the ones who suffer. just life i guess but we all understand and we are all there for one another so that counts xxxx

  213. Sydney Carton Says:

    Sorry folks being new to this site and very old I have left a reply to Paul’s June blog at the end of his April offering. You may find it of some value.


  214. Hannah Says:

    Only found this site last week and this is my second post. It’s good to know there is so much support out there from fellow sufferers. Like Sydney I am a mature sufferer (or should I say surfer) as well and have battled with anxiety for some years.

    My main symptom is agoraphobia and I wonder if this has been discussed here before. I would be really grateful if anyone has any advice on this subject.

  215. rosemary Says:

    Hi Shaun
    Thanks for your reply. Bit scary that it has a name but I wont check it out makes me worry a little bit isnt that stupid on my part. How long have u suffered in this way bad days, good eves? How are you now? Do you have any tips for how you cope with waking in the morning? Do you have any tips to notlet it grip me so hard? Are you heading towards recovery, I do hope so. Look forward to hearing from you. Many thanks in anticipation of your reply.

  216. rosemary Says:

    Hey Lorryt
    Just a slight change in your daily routine is enough for anxiety to TRICK you into feeling a little vunerable. You will be fine, you definately have the knowledge and tools to see you through I know this because you have given me some great advice so far so hope I can pass a little back. Have a great weekend.

  217. Jay Says:

    Hey everybody. Quick question. I’ve really been able to just let thoughts pass and it’s been great I’ve noticed as I don’t get scared by them or think that they are abnormal. They are decreasing. My question is I notice that I have periods were all of a sudden I feel kinda hyper and my mind starts racing and I feel a burst of energy. Before I would get scared and think I was having like a manic thing. But it’s not scaring me as it used to. Does these mean I’m on the right track. I’m a having these short moments because my body is just so used to putting out so much adrenaline that like the book says. And it will take time for my body to heal including the cortisol and adrenal glands?
    It feels almost like a sugar rush like the ones we got when we had to much pop as kids

  218. Andrew Says:

    Hi all

    Just looking for a bit of advise. I have Pauls book and have for some time, I have had pretty much ever symptom as Paul did but the main issue is around the physical feelings. I have the churning stomach, shakey and sweaty hands, twitching legs, feelings of panic and so and so on. Paul talks about being aware of them caused by the excess adrenaline and other stress hormones and once he found this out he was able to lose his fear of them and they began for settle. For me it seems to be the opposite, the more I am aware of what causes them the more fearfull I get. Am trying to be just “be” and carry on but I am extremely aware of them which means i’m constantly watching myselfand those feelings seem to be getting stronger rather tahn lessening Just wondering if Paul is out there? or anybody else who could offer me any tips on how to lose the fear of symptoms cause I feel like i’m missing something.


  219. ross Says:

    Great post Paul :)

    Not wrote in while been doing really well in recovery :)

    thought i would never get to this point . Still have the unreal feelings, scary feelings ,edgyness , muscle twitchin e.t.c but not as intense as before.

    I can feel my mind gettin flexible again, i’ve noticed i day dream a lot more which is great as it gives u a break from your mind!!! totally forgot what that was like :)

    I dont know if it was a coincidence but I started reading books and felt my mind was sharper.

    I feel I got 2 this stage purely by accepting the feelings of anxiety arent dangerous and im not goin 2 die!! haha . its never stopped me doing anything!!

    Excercise and healthy eating is VITAL not only does it give you something to focus on but the momentum of good feelings gradually gets more and more :)

    At my lowest point back in November I was having panic attack after panic attack didnt feel like i should be in my own body!!! so keep faith as you WILL get there.

    Attention on yourself is all that causes most feelings/sensations i think and once your attention changes your personality comes back bit by bit :)

    This may sound far off to some1 who is really suffering but my story really proves recovery will come and the more you feel better the more recovery will find you :)

    Any questions please ask? I’ll help any1 who’s suffering

  220. ross Says:

    Hey Andrew,

    Whats your ultimate fear of these symptoms?? do u have the ‘what if’ thoughts??

    I had these but nothing EVER happens !!! i used 2 think i was gonna die there and then on the spot at work ,its just anxious thoughts on a tired body, i know the feeling almost feels like your goin 2 explode or somethin!!haha just adrenailine mate it cant harm you.

    hope this helps :)

  221. Sydney Carton Says:

    Hi Hannah – I have had agoraphobia symptons for many years. I still can’t walk on a large expanse of beach and there are one or two stretches of certain roads I find difficult to drive along (an example M56 from Chester to the Runcorn turn off- open space either side of both cariageways). Things did improve some ten years ago when I learnt to drive. (late starter)There is now always the safety of my poarked car whenever I venture to a town or city.
    Its the sense of isolation and associated vulnerability which causes me to panic. The experts say it dates back to the cavemen era and the hunter gatherers who needed cover in the wild to prevent them being killed by wild animals.
    Apart from controlled breathing which does help occasionally, I can only offer empathy.

    Regards Sydney

  222. Scarlet Says:


    Welcome to the blog.

    Regarding your fear of open spaces. I am fully recovered now, but whilst suffering, I had loads of fears/phobias. One of them was walking across bridges. I panicked at the mere thought of a bridge to start of with. Anyway I knew it was irrational and I needed to conquer this, and I had read an article from a guy who specialised in phobias and he said it takes about 15-20 times of exposure to something you fear for the fear to disappear.

    So I did just this, at every opportunity I crossed bridges. At first I nearly hyperventilated, but forced myself to cross, the next couple of times I had mini panic attacks, but by around 20 times I was running across bridges with my kids with not a care in the world. Please try and get on that beach if you can, this method really works I promise you….. 15-20 times is about right in my experience. Also once you’ve cracked one fear, others disappear as well because you build up your self-confidence, therefore you won’t have to do this with all your fears…

  223. J Says:

    hey guys i really need your advise, So i had a wonderfull day yesterday and felt awsome its been like all my fears have stoped latley and ive felt great ( i know its supossed to be ups and downs to) but i got home last night and all of asudden fo no reason i felt super hyper you know like when we were kids and had a sugar rush well this lasted for a bit, and i started to flood with negative thoughts that i tried to ignor like omg is this a manic episode, oh no im gonna have to go get some ntidepressents for this, what if i really have an illness, so i tried to let these pass but it was go intense, then the dizzy nauseated feeling went away and i just felt very scared and was tense till i went to bed.

    then i woke up today and felt good for 5 min then started feeling tense and scary
    agai, and started to be flooded with thoughts of maybe i need to go to the hospital and get on anti anxiety drugs , cause its so tough, i know i have to get out and just live life and get through these feelings but damn does it scare a person

    its like being jeckel and hyde one minute normal the next terrified

    is all this just because ive got over the other fears and addrenaline is just coming at weird times and because i know longer fear my other fears the addrenaline is giving me that hyper sugar high feeling,

    These are all anxiety symptoms right?

    i think they must be cause when im like that i will look at everything and think do i think that weird and what if i have weird thoughts like people with illnesses ,
    i guess that last line should say it all lol

    please offer some advise everyone thanks

  224. Sydney Carton Says:

    Thanks Scarlet, very encouraging.

    Funnily enough I ventured on a beach this afternoon with my grandchildren – all was ok albeit it was a sheltered beach under a grey sky. I don’t know if you and Hannah would agree that light is a major contributory factor to the problem i.e. brighter the day, the more severe the condition. (when you suffered from it that is)

    All good wishes


    PS I always walk very quickly (trot) across The Millenium Bridge over the Thames

  225. lorryt Says:

    Hi Rosemary

    you think i would know by now , but it still can be tricky from time to time. but sometimes it does good to be reminded that simple things can throw us ! I can totally appreciate where you are coming from, but believe me you can get better. its such a bad place mentally when you are feeling rubbish, but i have been there, and beenon the blog and its such a supportive and positive place , it makes it all possible. No matter how bad things have been the only way is up. i am with you all the way ! and thanks again for your words of support it means a great deal . have agood one no matter what xxxxxxx

  226. Andrew Says:

    Hi Ross

    Thanks for the reply, I suppose my ultimate fear is the anxiety itself, the more I worry about having anxiety, mental health problems the more I worry and the worse the physical and mental sensations become which fires off the adrenaline which causes more physical/mental sensations and so round and round I go. I do find that I very rarely consiously “what if” any more but I did it loads in the beginning when my problems first started (around 3 years ago) but my worrys/thoughts seem to happen subconsiously now cause the habit is so entrenched that its seems impossible to change them.

  227. rosemary Says:

    I feel that I only suffer now due to habit, but how to stop the habit. Well I just keep going through my day. Do normal everyday things. Sometimes they do not interest me at all and sometimes something so simple reminds me how many nice things there are around us all the time. Very up and down at the moment. Have suffered with this for around 2 and half years. As I say the habit is well established, as I have really good evenings and very stressful days just get frustrated as to when this will all just fade away. have a good evening

  228. Heidi Says:

    It’s been 2 weeks since I’ve read Paul’s book and it really helped with the panic attacks, I don’t have full blown panic attacks anymore, but the anxiety/depression still remains. I have no interest in doing anything, I sleep way too much, still have nightmares so I get down on the fact that sleeping doesn’t even feel good. I barely eat, and I can’t seem to get myself out the door and back into running, my school doesn’t start until September, so I just hide away in my room.. I feel like I’ve let myself go, I used to be a runner and now I have no confidence. My muscles twitch, my eye’s been twitching for 2 days now, I don’t understand how my body could be stressed out if I don’t even do anything. I feel so negative and depressed, nauseous, and scared to do any physical exercise because it makes me nervous, and trembly- i also avoid certain foods because i fear that they will make me panic, i used to love love love chocolate and now i fear it. how do I get out of this? I’ve lost all my confidence. :'(

    Sorry about the depressed post I’m just feeling really down right now.

    Thanks in advance guys.

    I’m sorry I’m such a whiner, I’ve only been going through this for a little over a month, but it’s been a very scary ride. :(

  229. Mike Says:

    I ended up in a depression clinic after a terrible panic attack, and after I got out, my parents and the people at the clinic wanted me to see a pyschiatrist. I saw the psychiatrist a few times, not wanting to go. Every time I went I felt terrible! I told my parents that I absolutely refuse to go. I knew I would get better if I just got on with my life, and I promised to myself that I would just accept all the horrible strangeness no matter how bad it was.

    My advice would be to avoid psychiatry at all costs! Avoid self-help books. I guess yoga or meditation helps some people, but I don’t see how it could. You need to stay active and get off of thinking about ways to get beter. It only makes you think about your problem more. I have been out of work for a couple of months, and have managed to find a way to keep busy. SO you can too!

    Think of it this way. An example: my mom has no anxiety whatsoever. She is happy 95% of the time. She doesn’t have things better than anyone else. She just does a few things every day and is content with those few small things. BUT SHE IS NEVER THINKING OF WAYS TO FEEL GOOD. NEVER. It doesn’t cross her mind. “Oh what can I do that will make me feel happy?” No. “Oh maybe this subconscious conditioning CD will help me feel good.” No. “Oh maybe I can make my life better by thinking about X.” No. Instead, she wakes up, and says, “i’ve gotta go meet some people from my womens group at church. I’ve gotta get groceries, I’m gonna make some coffee, I should try and find something my daughter will like at the thrift store. I should write a letter to Aunt sheryl, kelly, David. I should read the newspaper. I should go for a walk. She’s just not thinking about herself.

    My uncle had depression and anxiety and has been going to a psychiatrist 30 years. When I talked to him about it, he still has it! I wish I could tell him that he is doing the wrong thing, but whose gonna listen to a 23 year old punk kid, right? Anyways, happy people are out doing things. They are doing things with people. They are not thinking existential crap all day like me. They are not thinking about themselves the way WE have been. We get out of this trap by allowing all the thoughts to be there until our mind is just sooo sick of ’em that we finally find other stuff to occupy ourselves with. I go to the bookstore every day, the mall every other day, talk to friends, read funny stuff online, watch funny movies, go to church, call relatives, go to the used record store, bike ride. I just keep on living this horrible nightmare, and now my symptoms are almost entirely gone. They are gone because I said: “YES IT IS A NIGHTMARE, and I DON’t CARE, DO YOUR WORST, I’M NOT GONNA GIVE UP.” In conclusion now every day is great, except for small periods of strangeness.

  230. Mike Says:

    I’m willing to help anyone and will write back as soon as possible. I’ve even started writing a book, that will hopefully help people overcome Depersonalization, as I don’t think there are nearly enough books on overcoming it. However, I think Paul’s book is all anyone needs.
    If someone needs help with DP, I have experienced the worst of it. It was so bad that I felt like I was not in my body, and it was so horrifying that I called people and told them I wanted to die. But it passed and is almost completely gone.
    God bless

  231. Jo Says:

    Hi Heidi,

    You’ve got to get out there and live your life no matter how you feel. By avoiding doing anything because you might feel rubbish just makes the anxiety more important than it is. Like with the chocolate, you’re scared it will make you panic so you avoid eating it, but it’s something you like and you don’t want to not ever eat it again? If your avoiding it, you need to do it and take whatever feelings with you, avoiding only gives anxiety more power. Your confidence will colme back in time as you accept how you feel and start living again. If you once enjoyed running then thats a great thing to start doing regularly again. I know you feel awful at the minute but the only way is to live your life with anxiety by your side at the minute. Don’t put yourself under pressure to feel better now just don’t stop doing things because of anxiety.

    Hang in there you will recover!xx

  232. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Sydney,

    I never had a problem with light myself, nor open spaces, I did get anxious about enclosed spaces though and was petrified that I might become agoraphobic, as I spent 10 weeks in bed at the height of my suffering. It’s funny how thoughts with an added fear response can trick you isn’t it….. Of course my advice, now that I am through the tunnel, would be to say “face your fears head on”, this is absolutely necessary for recovery.. So get on that beach with your Grand kids even when the sun is shining. 😉

    Heidi and the others who fear they may be stuck, you can crack this even if it’s been three years or longer. You must go against what your anxious/depressed feelings are telling you to. Get to the gym, go for a walk, GET OUT OF THE HOUSE, no matter how you feel (whether interested or not) you must continue with normal daily activities, until the anxious/depressed feelings disappear, DO NOT BECOME A HERMIT, this is prolonging your recovery.

    You won’t actually notice your anxious feelings disappear for a while even when living normally, because recovery can be so very gradual you hardly notice it at all, so you must do things which you feel uncomfortable with for what seems like an eternity. It’s only when you look back that you can see progress you have made, so make the effort today, and do not lock yourself in your bedroom which will give you too much time for ruminating.


    Of course I am gonna say when you get thoughts of this nature, just dismiss them and carry on. You can make yourself believe anything if you think about it long enough, doesn’t mean it’s true though 😉 You are doing great otherwise.

  233. Jay Says:

    Thanks. Yesterday I keep thinking I was going mad and just felt sick and scared by the end of the day. This morning I woke up feeling good but started obsessing again about what if I have OCD cause I can’t stop the worry and when I do try and let it pass it’s so hard and scary

  234. J Says:

    Scarlet thanks,

    yesterday was tough , I went for a long car ride and was anxious but i made myself do it , and i kept panicing and getting scary weird thoughts about what if im loosing it and what if i need drugs , it was terrible, i tried to let the thoughts pass but they seemed so intense.

    finally when i got home i felt so exausted,

    when i woke up today it seemed like all the thoughts and worries ive had for the last year are gone except i feel a little scared about what if i start obsessing again about stuff and what if this isnt the begining of recovey but i have ssome type of mental ilness thats going on and off.

    when we start to recover do we have days like that were even though we try and lets the thoughts pass they just feel so intense and scare the crap out of us,

    its like i cant ever think of positivve stuff i just always obsess about negative things or constantly worry about myself and if every thought i have is normal

    also i was really moody yesterday when i got home and was tired like i could snap over the littlest thing , is this normal with the anxiety does it make us very moody and irritable

  235. Scarlet Says:

    “when we start to recover do we have days like that were even though we try and lets the thoughts pass they just feel so intense and scare the crap out of us,”

    Hi J,

    Yes we sure do… many many of em’

    “also i was really moody yesterday when i got home and was tired like i could snap over the littlest thing , is this normal with the anxiety does it make us very moody and irritable”

    ha! ha! goes with the territory you could ask my husband… 😉

  236. Shaun Says:

    Hi Rosemary

    My anxiety started just over a year ago. I was due to take a trip abroad and as I dislike flying intensely and as I was travelling alone the panic set in. First I started to lose sleep, then I became more and more tired in the morning until finally the anxiety gripped me and the cycle of fear – adrenalin – fear set in. I’ve spent a lot of time trying to master this illness after both medication and psychology failed to do the trick. Don’t worry about reading up about diurnal variation, its like everything else to do with this illness, its just a label for a feeling.

    Its fair to say, I think that many, many people who suffer with anxiety feel worst in the morning. For me the cycle has always been, wake up early, become anxious about not getting enough sleep, lay awake trying to force myself back to sleep until its time to get up, then get up tired and feel like I’ll never get through the day. I’m explaining all this to you so you can see that the whole process is a cycle, driven by my own thoughts. I think I won’t manage to get through the day, become anxious about that thought and cause more adrenalin to be produced.

    I know its so hard for someone who is in the middle of this to stop and assess but believe me its worth the effort. Anxiety is all about cycles and recovery is all about breaking the cycles. Just the same, waking in the morning feeling anxious and becoming calmer during the evening is part of the cycle. I’m guessing, like me, you wait for that time in the day where you feel normal and can function “like before”. Unfortunately, by doing this you are feeding the fear – adrenalin – fear cycle.

    I’m not criticising you at all, we have all been there and its perfectly natural to want to feel better. However, don’t put that pressure on yourself, just let whatever you feel be whatever you feel as horrible as it may be sometimes. Doing this takes the pressure off the time when you feel better. Just letting it happen instead of waiting for it and trying to force it is the real key.

    If you want my advice about how to recover it would be as follows

    Most of these cycles are created and kept alive by our own thoughts (negative and destructive). Step back and realise that a thought can not hurt us, it is just a thought, not real and certainly not dangerous.

    Accept your feelings whatever they are. Fighting them keeps the adrenalin cycle going. The next time you feel that rush of fear, sit down and experience it, accept it is happening and that it will pass. When it has passed you will see that you can cope with this feeling and the next time it won’t hold the same fear.

    Try to organise your day so that you have something planned for the morning if that is when you feel worst. I’m not suggesting you plan a marathon eash day but if you feel anxious when you wake, try to have a routine that you can absorb yourself in. For me, I have a book at the side of my bed which I can read if I wake early and can not get back to sleep. I also get up at the same time every day, even weekends, have a shower, get dressed, have breakfast and then try to keep to a routine. I find that the worst thing I can do is sit around doing nothing, thinking about how I feel etc.

    Finally, don’t rush it. It takes as long as it takes to recover. If you accept the feelings without trying to fight them you will start to recover. Once this happens the secret is to not think that you are cured. Enjoy the feelings of recovery, by all means, you deserve them, but if relapse occurs, don’t beat yourself up about it. Accept that it is part of your recovery and go back to accepting how you are feeling.

    Recovery will come, I know, I’m much improved using this philosophy. Don’t force it, accept the good and bad feelings and you will recover. Everyone on this sight and many, many more are pulling for you, but you have all the tools you need within yourself to start your recovery.

    I hope this has helped, its niceto be able to give a little back after all the help I’ve had from this sight and its contributors. Keep faith in yourself, you will get there.

    All the very best


  237. Brian Says:

    Hi guys

    Been scanning the blog and site for a while now but haven’t posted yet.
    After a few months of stress I ended up having panic attacks and started really worrying and didn’t know what was wrong with me.
    Till I fond this site which helped me greatly accepting my physical symptoms which have since went down alot. But now I’m just left with a very tired mind. I can’t seem to shut off when trying to sleep and wake up during the night and all the racing thought starts again. I seem to link words to my illness that trigger it when someone says like mind, or think. It’s really getting me down as I seem obsessed with my thoughts. When I think about something else for a couple minutes I automatically come back into this frame of mind again and think ‘yes I thought of something else for a minute’. I find it very hard to concentrate. I went to the pictures last night and pretty much just gazed at the screen and never knew what was going on. Is this how everyone else feels as I don’t seem to worry about sore heads etc anymore as I know it’s me causing it. I just feel without this frame of mind I would be able to move on. I’m still doing things as normal as I always have done but just can’t seem to let go. I feel so confused, I think I may have read to much up about the subject and my mind has got me thinking of so many different things.

    Any help would be greatly appreciated.

    This blog and site have greatly helped me so much and thank you all.


  238. rosemary Says:

    Hi Shaun
    Thank you again for your reply. You are so right, its just a feeling and it cant hurt me. I think that is a very helpful thought to have. I definately start my circle each morning (through habit I think) I wake and then my mind says “how do I feel” oh I feel sick, then I think “what am I going to do today”oh its along day, then Oh god im feeling really edgy now dont think I can eat any breakfast oh my husband will ask why Im not eating and so on and so on…There you go I have mastered my fear cycle,I really do it so well,,but here is the thing with reading Pauls book and helpful advise from you and many others I know what I need to do. I have come miles from where I was a couple of years ago.I have not had any medication for this as I think I need to get over this myself.I do some times wish I could feel better NOW but I know I have to stop this thinking. There is no magical cure. I am learning to just go with how I feel,some days thats quite easy and sometimes its the hardest thing ever. I know things are getting better but when I have a crap day I feel like it really defeats me. I know I have to accept the good and the bad and I will continue to do this with soooo many ups and downs. The hardest thing is feeling sick and normally quite low mood. I have read on here about richard carlsons book and I think I may buy it as it seems to have fantastic reviews,helping you to feel happier and more positive. Think I am feeling more positive most days (although I may struggle I get through them and sometimes enjoy them too) and can definately see lights at the end of the tunnel (just that someone is playing with the light switch and occassionally turns them off just to confuse me. LOL ) I wish everyone a peaceful day….thanks again for the reply.It means so much to have this support from you guys on thisweb site…THANKS.Any comments welcome

  239. Kate Says:

    Hi Scarlet

    I’m struggling with a phobia at the moment. I’ve had it for a couple of years and have stupidly started avoiding places and stopped doing things. I understand the only way to get better is to face my fears but even the thought of doing this makes my stomach churn! Was it really hard for you in the beginning to just go out and do it?

  240. Scarlet Says:


    Yes it was hard. I have mentioned this before on here that I had this fear about crossing dual carriageways. My anxiety came with pregnancy complications and compounded from there on. Anyway I had terrible thoughts I might harm my baby, and where I lived there was a dual carriageway I had to cross to get to the town centre.

    At first it was difficult for me to leave the house, but then deep down I knew that if I didn’t conquer this fear then I wouldn’t be living a normal life, because for 10 years I had crossed this road with no problems. I used to think about crossing this road before I set food outdoors, and made myself sick with fear just thinking about it, so after a while I just pushed myself to do it. At first it was difficult and I had visions of pushing the pram in the road, but I continued to cross the road everyday with these thoughts and feelings of panic, and then the fear disappeared after a few weeks. Now my baby is gonna be 4 in a month and I have no such daft thoughts, but I can tell you they seemed real at the time.

    I would say unless the fear is something you can manage your life without, i.e fear of bungee jumping, then go and do it regardless of the stomach churning. Do not avoid things required for normal living, as this will hold you back from full recovery. You must face up to your fears sooner or later, and imho it’s better sooner 😉

  241. Scarlet Says:

    oops of course I meant set ‘foot’ outdoors and not food… ha! ha!

  242. Kate Says:

    Ta Scarlet! I know you are right and from now on I’m going to face my fear but one step at a time! :)
    Thanks for your advice.

  243. Jess H Says:

    Hi all i havnt posted on here for a while as I have been doing well in my recovery. I am reading the above posts and can honestly say I can relate to most of what you are all sayin. The only thing i havnt had is DP as i suppose i have no fear of this occuring for some reason. Although I have a twin sister who suffered with anxiety for around a year and had the worst DP, she makes me stronger everyday as I see how far she has come and that recovery is possible. I just want to say to everyone keep your chin up, I no some days feel hard and I am having a small setback right now due to a small panic attak i had in bed the other night for no reson and this sent me into a downward spril again of worryong, although I do not fear these attacks as I no they are only adrenalin.

    My main worry is not enjoying life, does anyone else get this??? i worry as I am ony 23 and have had this since feb 2010 that i hold these what if’s, like what if i cant enjoy life ever again then i get this blurry feeling in my head like there are loads of thoughts there but i cannot pinpoint what the thoughts are or what they mean. I also find that even if I am feeling happier i have the worrying blurry feeling at the back of my mind, does any one else have this or can explain what it is??? I also no this is silly but feel i am the only on who will never recover, and I am the exception i no this is silly as my twin felt this way and she is so much better although still has the odd DP come out of no where.

    I try not to google as much any more and only come on this site for a boost of confidence when i am struggling. I no this will go and I suppose i have to stop trying to push anxiety, i also no it will go as when i am work i do not focus on my anxiety and feel myself again. Soory to go on, but also does any one else associate places with feeling strange anxious?? my anxiety started whilst doing up my bedroom and I now associate my bedroom with being anxious!!!! strange i no!!! I am also finding it hard to understand what anxiety is and putting this into practice what i have read on here?? any advice would be great as I feel i am nearing the end of recovery but not quite there yet!!!

    I am also with all the others who experience that low sometimes depressed feeling where i think what is the point etc…… any advise on how to not think so negativley would be mose appreciated.

    lots of love, Jess xxxx

  244. Jess H Says:

    I also forgot to add some advise for the people who do not feel comfortable to carry paul davids book around, or feel they need to read something at work and cant log on here!!! I read through the above posts and gather all the useful information that gives me hope and makes me feel happy, i then copy and paste this onto a bit of paper that i can if i want to take with me to help remind me through the day that i WILL be ok!!!! just some advice guys!!!

    love jess xxxx

  245. Rachael Says:

    Hi all,
    Haven’t been on in a while, some great tips from everyone on this post. I think it was Sandeep said ‘nothing is permanent’ which is a really nice thought, but I’m really struggling to see light at the end of the tunnel at the moment and would really, really appreciate some outside insight from anyone that can help.

    I struggle with the sound of people typing in my office, have posted about it before, going on 3 years now, never improved bar one week randomly something clicked and it stopped bothering me but it came back. Last week I got moved internally to a far quieter area and thought all my troubles were over, I haven’t felt so relieved and confident in ages. Then bit by bit over the last few days, I’ve tuned into the guy nearest me typing and it’s grown quickly worse til now I’m bad as ever. I am in complete despair about this, I couldn’t even really hear him for the first few days, now it’s all I notice and it’s the most irritating thing in the world. I really feel like this is never, ever going to go away and I’m even starting to research jobs that don’t involve working in an office as I think I just need to be somewhere there are no keyboards.

    I really feel like I’m losing my mind here, it’s like my anxiety uses this to trap me anywhere I go. I’m thinking about it all the time, I have no energy and feel like this noise is killing me – sometimes I get physically nauseous from it and feel like I’m going to black out and just have to run to the bathroom.
    I’d really appreciate anyone’s thoughts as understanders of anxiety but maybe able to see my problem for what it is because I just can’t get my head above water for long enough to do that any more!!!

    Thanks so much.

  246. Jess H Says:

    Hi all i havnt posted on here for a while as I have been doing well in my recovery. I am reading the above posts and can honestly say I can relate to most of what you are all sayin. The only thing i havnt had is DP as i suppose i have no fear of this occuring for some reason. Although I have a twin sister who suffered with anxiety for around a year and had the worst DP, she makes me stronger everyday as I see how far she has come and that recovery is possible. I just want to say to everyone keep your chin up, I no some days feel hard and I am having a small setback right now due to a small panic attak i had in bed the other night for no reson and this sent me into a downward spril again of worryong, although I do not fear these attacks as I no they are only adrenalin.

    My main worry is not enjoying life, does anyone else get this??? i worry as I am ony 23 and have had this since feb 2010 that i hold these what if’s, like what if i cant enjoy life ever again then i get this blurry feeling in my head like there are loads of thoughts there but i cannot pinpoint what the thoughts are or what they mean. I also find that even if I am feeling happier i have the worrying blurry feeling at the back of my mind, does any one else have this or can explain what it is??? I also no this is silly but feel i am the only on who will never recover, and I am the exception i no this is silly as my twin felt this way and she is so much better although still has the odd DP come out of no where.

    I try not to google as much any more and only come on this site for a boost of confidence when i am struggling. I no this will go and I suppose i have to stop trying to push anxiety, i also no it will go as when i am work i do not focus on my anxiety and feel myself again. Soory to go on, but also does any one else associate places with feeling strange anxious?? my anxiety started whilst doing up my bedroom and I now associate my bedroom with being anxious!!!! strange i no!!! I am also finding it hard to understand what anxiety is and putting this into practice what i have read on here?? any advice would be great as I feel i am nearing the end of recovery but not quite there yet!!!

    I am also with all the others who experience that low sometimes depressed feeling where i think what is the point etc…… any advise on how to not think so negativley would be mose appreciated.

    lots of love, Jess xxxx

  247. Rachael Says:

    Hi Jess,

    Yeah I often get bummed about wasting my life suffering, I’ve had bad anxiety for almost 4 years now and I feel like everything I can remember from that time is in terms of anxiety – even though I’ve done some pretty great things.

    However how I like to feel better about this is remind myself how far I’ve come, and how much I’ve learned so young. In a way, once we recover and we will, we’ve learned a coping skill that will stay with us for life – and probably give us a better outlook for the future!

    Don’t let it get you down, it’s natural to think this every once in a while but remember, you’re on your way to the other side!

  248. scarlet Says:


    “Ta Scarlet! I know you are right and from now on I’m going to face my fear but one step at a time!
    Thanks for your advice.”

    Imagine anxiety to be a brick, you need to chip away at it to break it, so each time you are able to dismiss a thought you chip away a little bit, and each time you face a fear you chip another bit (face that fear 20 times and it’s a bigger bit, perhaps a gigantic chunk ;-)), sometimes you hardly notice the little itsy bitsy chips, but you must keep on going and not give up, until one day you will see that it’s only half a brick, then it’s a further slog at chipping away again until it eventually breaks. If you stay in and avoid what you fear then there’ll be no chipping that day. Catch my drift!!!!, so get chipping today girl 😉

  249. Andre Says:

    It’s really nice to see that the forum is active, and people are posting. I’ve suffered with anxiety for about 2 and a half year. I’m not recovered fully, but as once Patrick mentioned your recovery is starting at the moment when you are not aware about the symptoms even if sometimes they are very strong. I think the most important think in recovery is acceptance. You have to face the most embarrassing thought and feelings, without overanalize it. But you have to go trough it. At the beginning i was so overwhelmed about the thought this “thing” will be with me for ever, i was somehow imprisoned every walking minute about this concern, but with time i realized that it’s ok, to think about anxiety, it’s ok to have scary thoughts and physical symptoms. You have to accept. With acceptance and with patient you will be much closer to the end of the tunnel. I recognize sometime is very hard, you feel depressed, but think about maybe tomorrow will be the day. It’s an up and down affair. You didn’t realize along the road how much you have recovered, at the lowest point you feel completely depressed, but remember your self identity is never lost, just buried below.

    Sorry for my english, i just want to encourage everyone to don’t despair and believe the recovery is in everyone.

    I hope some day we will be grateful that this happens to us, because i firmly believe this make us more stronger.

  250. amy Says:


    I was just reading Richard Carlson’s book that was recommended on here. I just read a paragraph that I thought was worth sharing. It applies to those that think they’ve “lost it” or their mental health has “deteriorated”.

    He says “Your mental health can never be completely lost, it can only be covered up by negative, habitual and insecure thoughts that you have LEARNED to take too seriously”.

    What a great point :)

  251. Eric Eckenrode Says:

    Can anyone relate to this. I have severe depersonalisation 24/7. I go and do things and the whole time all I can think about is how strange I feel, I just get a rushing thought, like ” I’m not me, who am I, what day is it,” it is as if I have to constantly stay on top of the DP feeling just to feel that I am real. Then at night I will replay things I’ve done that day, and they will sometimes feel as if they didn’t really happen, but I know they did. It then scares me to think that I may never realize a clear mind. I have been practicing floating with the feelings and irrational thoughts for about 6 weeks, but it all seems so blurred, like a dream and it scares the hell out of me. I never have a complete break from the feelings of DP, it’s like they are always there just sometimes it gets really bad. Should I just continue to ‘go with the flow’ hoping things will get easier. It just seems to me that I should have some ease in these feelings, but I know they say that it is habit, and I have been like this for 15 years. I just feel like no matter what I do I will always feel this way, no matter how hard I try to break this cycle. Really feeling like i’m at the end of my rope, and need some encouragement. Also, is looking at your children and family members, sometimes as if they are total strangers a symptom of anxiety or could this be depression. Really like some advice.


  252. candie Says:

    Eric, it will get better- honestly. It can take months of acceptance before your mind can relax if you have been anxious for a while. Dont worry about it as u will soon be having better days, also looking at people you know and feeling asif they are sort of unrecognisable or strangers is depersonalisation. Your mind has just temporarily supressed some emotions, which is why things feel unfamiliar at times. What you have to do is be willing to experience all this, you dont have to like it- just dont try rid yourself of it. Once you can do that you can slowly unmask the anxiety symptoms for what they are, just harmless symptoms- sure your body will scream they are to be feared.. that is another symptom to dismiss too :)

  253. scarlet Says:

    Eric,I had DP 24/7 as well. The way to get rid of it is to accept it, to recognise it is there, but not to analyse how you feel right now, or how you felt during the day, was your day a dream?, did it really happen?, why am I feeling this way?, basically DON’T GO THERE. You don’t need to analyse.
    DP is only a feeling, nothing more. You need to adopt a don’t care philosophy. “You know what today I am gonna live, it doesn’t matter whether it’s through a fog or not”, this should be your daily philosophy without the evening synopsis of daily events. This is keeping you in the cycle.

    “Also, is looking at your children and family members, sometimes as if they are total strangers a symptom of anxiety or could this be depression. Really like some advice.”

    My psychiatrist told me that depression and anxiety are one and the same. Basically it’s the emotion you are giving your thoughts, with anxiety your response is one of fear, whereas depression is one of despondency. Both can be ‘fully’ overcome by education and acceptance. The feeling of emotionless or seeing your family as strangers is normal, I had it for a long time as well, it’s because your normal emotions have not returned yet, but they will. Just go with it and again do not feel the need to analyse why you are feeling the emotion you are. Let whatever emotion you are feeling right now be fine for you without delving any deeper, this is the way through.

  254. Kate Says:

    Thanks again Scarlet!

    I love reading your posts, they’re so positive and helpful. Always change my mood from bad to good as they give me some hope I can better x

  255. LORRYT Says:

    HI guys ,

    am trying not to let myself get wound up by it all today. i am trying to be positive about life as things arent going too wel. Hubby started a new job , and has only been there 6 weeks and has had 2 weeks off sick for 3 different things , hes concered that hes gonna lose his job and there is no making him see sense. i know i should be of the attitude what will be will be, but am getting drawn into the what ifs again/. i knowtheya re just thoughts but am guessing that are exaggerated by my state of mind, lack of sleep and trying to keep it all going, with kids home from school , and me working loads to cover his back!. life really does throw the brown stuff at us sometimes! never mind onwards and upwards, have agood day allxxx

  256. rosemary Says:

    Hi Lorryt….just a quick hello and a happy smiley face just for you :>)

  257. Fiona Says:

    Hey Lorryt, it all sounds a bit crap at the moment for you but it will get better. I always like to think that bad things come in 3’s. So count how many you have had and if you’ve reached 3 you have had your quota for a while and things will improve. Then you will plod along hapily for a while until another 3 come along!
    Hope this helps
    Fi xxx

  258. lorryt Says:

    hi fIONA, rosemary

    its been about 6 things so far this year, so maybe 2 lots in one go, but i just wanna sit and cry my eyes out. but i wont get into feeling sorry for myself. i am soo tired and monthlys etc. i think it hs all caught up with me. i am so trying to be strong and think it will all be ok, but at the mo , my shoulders can only take so much. people say i have the patience of a saint, but my saintlyness isnt gonna be hanging around fro much longer. sorry to go on but i need to let out all my frustartions xxxxx

  259. J Says:

    wow everyone its shure an amazing journey with how this stuff all works, letting scary obsessive thoughts pass through, and then feeling real good then sometimes they just seem so intense and you fell sad and depressed , but i just im like oh well show these emotions no respect and eventualy they pass again.

    times are hard when you look at the love of your life and think omg i feel scared right now and the what ifs start like, do i really love this person? , what thats ridiculous , and what if these feelings are real, then omg this feels real , then in time when you let them pass these thoughts feel totaly unreal, its funny how anxiety does this too you, and also how when it happends you think omg could this be something more could i have a mental illness, but in time when you go through the scary thoughts and feelings that seem so real you come out of it as you let them pass and feel great again and everything feels right once more.

    funny thing hapened last night, as i was in bed ( we have some ant problems right now ) i felt like a couple were crawling fast over my arms, but when i turned on the light i couldnt see them, the anxiety started alarming me that maybe i was going mad, but i let it pass and went to bed, i woke up today and the anxiety tried to play on my mind about that , and maybe im going looney,

    but you know what i thought about it and said to myself , hey you got sunburned a couple days ago , and when you recover from a sunburn and you have a fan on you it can feel as if bugs are crawling on your skin, lol

    funny how the anxiety magnifies the situation and makes it that much worse, i said to myself hey i remember these feeling before when i got sunburned and i never got this worked up, just like when you sweat after running or on the floor and the sweat runs down your legs and it feels like bugs.

    its amazing how many of the normal bodily functions and thoughts we have before we get to the stage of anxiety that we never noticed before,

    but with anxiety which is just fear of fear everything seems scary, lol

    sometimes when i feel the anxiety or the scary thoughts and things seem so real its so comforting that candi scarlet and everyone of you are around for suport, also its interesting we all share simillar situations,

    so when i get thoughts of omg maybe i need to see a psyciatrist and get meds cause there could be something worung with me , i think of all of you , and if we all are experiencing similar things then we all cant be crazy or mad, or have some common unknown disease,

    we are all just people who have experienced very common emotional conditions

    i really believe that more than 10% of the population experiences some type of anxiety condition, because ive meet so many people in my life that have gone through one of them,

    people just dont like talking about it i think cause of the stigma,
    at work 5 out of 7 people on my shift have experienced it or been on anti depressents or have had panic attack

    we are all normal healthy people, who have let anxiety negative thinking and addrenaling scare us at times into thinking were are not normal, but we are very normal we have just developed some bad thinking habits and fearing fear.

  260. Teresa J Says:

    Just a quick post – I have just listened to a programme on radio 4, word of mouth (uk). There was an author on there called Tim Parks – he has written a book about a condition he had , i think it is called ‘Teach us to sit still’ – I am not advocating anyone buys it – but i thought that Paul, Candie or Scarlett may find reading about it interesting (or anyone else who is far enough down the road not to get too worried about things easily) it is a positive story – and i thought it really underlines a lot of what has been said on here – although I will leave that to Paul and the more experienced people on here to judge. Please remove the posting if you think it is unsuitable.

  261. Simon B Says:

    Hey Guys

    I feel sometimes like I have to attack every thought I have with a positive remark to make me feel better as Paul says keeping a positive attitude is good. But it doesn’t make me feel better because I feel I’m having an argument inside my head and it puts pressure on me. I think I just lack confidence in beating Anxiety. What do you guys think?

  262. Eric Eckenrode Says:

    thank you scarlet and candie for your replies. I have felt this way for so long I don’t know how I can ever change the way I feel or think. I have the most random strange thoughts about everyday things and I fear that this is a serious mental illness and I’m just going to get engulfed by it and be taken away. I will be just doing something as simple as watching tv, and all of a sudden I’ll get a thought like “don’t forget how you feel, it’s not gone and probably never will.” I then start thinking about how hopeless I feel and how detached I am, and how I need to get a grip. I also have reallly bad eye floaters, are these anxiety related?


  263. Eric Says:

    Eric beleive it or not eye floaters are not caused by anxiety no, everyone has them! However, anxiety dilates the pupils and we notice the slightest speck of dust in our vision.. so this is why we notice eye floaters sometimes too.

    Your thoughts are normal for anxiety, iv had them ones- when you think them just see them for what they are, anxiety trying to bluff you with your thinking. Have a good look around this site and the old posts, ul find lots of people have got over these types of thoughts.. me included! Remember ‘your focus will become your reality’ thats why we have to accept everything as just anxiety and not beleive the anxiety bluff that its important and dangerous. If we start rumernating and fighting it, we are focussing on the negative thoughts and in turn will feel the emotion that goes with them.. making them seem real.

  264. Scarlet Says:

    “I will be just doing something as simple as watching tv, and all of a sudden I’ll get a thought like “don’t forget how you feel, it’s not gone and probably never will.””

    Eric, see look when you get a thought like this (which we ALL have), you must say “yeah, so what if it never goes”, with an indifferent emotion, and carry on watching TV, do this as often as necessary to change the habit, I promise you with time this works, no matter how long you have suffered, just don’t get into a spiral of analysing a feeling or thought, bring yourself back into the present moment as often as possible.

    “I fear that this is a serious mental illness and I’m just going to get engulfed by it and be taken away.”

    You have no serious mental illness, just a bad thinking habit which you are trying to overcome….that we hall have/had. No-ones gonna take you away, they don’t take folks with anxiety anywhere, else they’d have to find an island big enough for half of the population LOL

    “I also have reallly bad eye floaters, are these anxiety related?”


  265. Scarlet Says:


    Thanks for the head up on that book, will have a look…:-)

  266. Stephen Says:

    Hi scarlet,

    I was wondering if you could shed abit more light for me on your experience with disturbing throughts, it seems to be my last issue to work through and one that can still completely knock me for 6 at times.

    I still get these thoughts that come so quicky and with such force out of know where and they feel so real about doing bad things or lashing out/going crazy and doing something terrible around people. They go as quickly as they come but they are terrible. I know i would never act on them but they seem so real and likely when the thought comes. then the guilt comes and i feel awful and think “i could never do that, why did i think such a thing”

    does anyone else get things like this, random quick thoguhts that feel real and have a rush of anxiety. I guess thats why we are in this anxiety situation because we believe our thoughts to be real.

    Any advice/experience would be greatly appreciated, Thanks in advance :)

  267. Scarlet Says:

    Stephen you are still getting some irrational thoughts because these thoughts still provoke a fear response in you. You need to stop giving them a fearful response, show indifference in your emotion to these thoughts.

    “I know i would never act on them but they seem so real and likely when the thought comes. then the guilt comes and i feel awful and think “i could never do that, why did i think such a thing”

    I would change your emotional response here, from one of guilt, shock, horror to one of indifference, something along the lines of “yeah as if”

  268. Davidina Says:

    Hi Candie, Scarlet, Fiona and all you guys our there. Need someone to talk to today. Feel awful. I haven’t posted for some time. Used to talk to Lindsey a lot but she seems to have disappeared off the site – hopefully for the better. I bought Paul’s book around February – March. Had been suffering 1 year before that. Although my anxiety is there 24/7, being with people is so hard. I seem to manage better on my own. I go out for coffee and lunch with my two friends -something I wouldn’t have done before reading Paul’s book but I still feel frightened and all the symptoms come – heart thumping, tight chest, etc, etc. Shopping is a nightmare. My head feels so tight that I want to run, but I don’t. My legs turn to jelly and when I come home, I just can’t forget it. I’m on edge all the time. I just feel I can’t live my life like this anymore. Nothing makes me happy. Even my family make me feel tense. Most people feel better with family and friends but it is the opposite with me. Am I the only one out there who feels like this as everyone seems to feel better with their family. I feel I am letting everyone down. A chat with someone would be great.

  269. Teresa J Says:

    Davidina – I am sure one of the others will come back to you too. bot in the meantime – guilt is a big part of anxiety, it likes to make you feel bad about yourself. Guilt, I believe is and emotion and just like fear it has an effect on how we feel. Yes, my family make me feel tense too sometimes – and guilty for not being the person I’d like to be for them – but when you are not caught in the loop of anxiety you will gauge these feelings for what they are – thoughts creating feelings, not real at all. all people with or without anxiety get anxious in family situations – believe you me I have enough people telling me their problems to know that, lots of them feel guilty too – what’s happening is that because you are anxious you are exaggerating the feelings and this makes them feel worse – whereas lots of people feel these things and get stessed by them they don’t attach as much importance to them as we do. It will all pass Davidina, i know it does not seem like it at the moment but it will. Try and give yourself a break, do something you normally enjoy – even if you don’t feel like it and let time change things. We are too aware of things and therefore over react – hope that helps a bit.

  270. Rachael Says:

    Just seeing if anyone else feels like I do re good and bad days – which we all know are a big part of recovery.

    I find that after a particularly bad day, I go home, cry, completely despair (and often post a rant on here!) and alot of the time it’s followed by a really good day. It’s like I’ve let it all out and given up. But EVERY TIME I’ve a good day in work (which is where my anxiety always manifests) I fall into a false sense of confidence, have a lovely evening, wake up ready for the day and then have the worst day ever which of course is so discouraging.

    Really trying to work with this at the moment, so any day by day up and down experiences or tips would be great.

    p.s. Davidina I really related to:
    “Shopping is a nightmare. My head feels so tight that I want to run, but I don’t. My legs turn to jelly and when I come home, I just can’t forget it.”

    I went through a phase of finding shops and shopping districts awful, that tight head feeling and terrible DP – but the key here is not giving it too much thought when you get home like you say you are. Easier said than done I know, but try no matter how awful the experience is to just let it go at that. Reliving it is just your mind trying to figure it out, which it can’t, so try dismissing the experience after it happens. I know it’s hard…

  271. lorryt Says:

    very good and simple advice scarlet, wish i could have put it better myself . its the same for me its the same thoughts that make me scared, guess they are quite individual to us all . i am still frightened of stupid thingsin the future that may never happen, if im still scared they will stil affect me. so if i take the fear out of them bu not giving them thwe attention then they cant have the same affect on me ?. simpel as it sounds thnaks guys xcxxxx

  272. ross Says:

    Right i get confused is Depersonilastion? wen u feel nothin at all and feels like ur in movie??

    i got it really bad when i played football last night it was like i really didnt feel safe and needed 2 hide :(

    We have 2 be sooo brave not to let DP scare us eh??

  273. Tarmo Says:

    Hi all,

    I used to write here actively some years ago and I deciced to pop in to check how the blog is doing. It’s amazing to see how many people have found this place and it’s nice to see how some people have stayed for years to help people who are at the very early stage of their recovery!!

    My problem was severe depersonalisation and anxiety PLUS heavy depression and I thought I’d never get back to my feet. I suggest everyone struggling with DP to read what Paul says about it over and over again, it did help me – although it took some time before I really internalized it. I’m another example of a person who got back his life after a few years of hiding inside my mind and I want all strugglers to understand that you can get back too. I don’t believe hell get’s any worse than the place I spent 24/7 for a lond time so don’t say “but my case is different”, it’s not!

    In my recovery there was a phase when I felt that I needed to stay away from this site for a while because being active here kept my mind in the problems more than was good for my recovery. This is something I’d like to remind people of: if your focus is on recovery all the time you may actually forget to LIVE your life in the moment and this way prevent the recovery from coming.


  274. lorryt Says:

    focus is currently on keeping everyone going and paying the bills, but its putting undue stress on me, and im tired and fed up of having to keep geeing my hubby up as hes struggling after losing another job yesterday so hes now out of work . im not moaning but just trying not to let everything get to me.things can be tough even whne we thought we had recovered they still test me out!. have a good onex

  275. Matt Says:

    Hey, Im in the same boat as Tarmo up there; I never posted anything on any blogs but I did get my life back from this general website. I have been living a good life with many stressful ups and downs and i get anxious and sad sometimes, but these days its the normal kind.
    Over a year and a half ago I had my first and “last” panic attack. I was 21, hung over, dehydrated and vulnerable to a panic attack as i soon learned. And so it hit me, like a huge wave of adrenaline confusion and shear panic. I put the word “last” in quotations because this panic attack never ceased. I reached a climax during the panic attack and stayed in that state for 7 months. I lost my job in a week and my personality instantly. Almost everything was causing me to freak out, i couldn’t watch t.v or go out in the sun, I remember even being afraid of a breeze one night, and was forced to go back home. It was horrific, the depersonalization was bad, and the depression eventually kicked in.
    Recovery from this was terrifying because of how strongly I thought something truly physical was wrong with me and not some nonsense excuse like anxiety. Then i saw these blogs, and saw all these people describing me down to a science. That was when it clicked and i gained confidence in my own rational thinking. It took two tries to stop the anxiety for good. The first time i remember it happened quickly and i saw the light, and started to smile and started to gain hope. Then I let it take over again, worse then before if that was possible. I didn’t leave the house for a month. I didn’t go to class, didn’t answer my phone, i couldn’t do anything. I finally came to my senses again, and where i stand now, suffering from anxiety again is something that ive just grown to strong for. I know its tricks to well, and i truly understand how weak it actually is when you can just, even for a moment, see the truth.
    Something that helped me win my life back was a shift in my whole take on everything. It wasn’t easy and at first was a complete internal lie to myself, but i decided to let absolutely nothing effect me emotionally. The only emotion i dealt with was laughter and happiness. If some crazy thought popped into my head that freaked me out, i learned to listen to it, and judge it with such a condescending attitude. Eventually this became the way i saw everything. It worked so well for me, that when i recovered I had to almost teach my self to care about things more, because I literally couldn’t get upset about anything. Another thing that was crucial for me was exercise and being social. I forced myself to do things i considered crazy, like go to concerts and clubs, partys and social events. At first it was horrible but eventually it worked. During the last stage of my recovery I remember the only place left where I would get anxiety was when i was alone in silence. This took the longest to subside but with the right attitude I beat it. In the end its all up to your attitude, it controls the whole “disorder” if you will.

    Thanks for letting me post, I hope everyone can grasp reality and understand the truth. Best of luck

  276. Gail Says:

    I understand what Angela was saying (and also Paul in his book) about worrying being useless. I totally agree, but can’t seem to stop.
    Does anyone have any suggestions as to how to stop the worry? I wake up worried about so many different things, and I try to do other things, dismiss the worries, etc., but sometimes it’s so difficult.


  277. J Says:

    hey being doing real good floating through stuff, really reconizing my negative thoughts for what they are

    quick question scarlet or anyone

    i still find from the moment i wake up till bed im singing songs almost all the time, is this just some kind of habit ive developed to try and distract my thinking?

    is this common , and is this something that will go away more as i recover?

    i tend to notice that im always tense in the face and jaw, must be alot of anxiety that will take time to go away

  278. Rob Says:

    Hello everyone,I have come a long way since buying Paul book , which I just have to say ” I knew it wasn’t a con on the Internet because u can relate to so much wat he’s says and gives u most for free on his site anyway!, I think I’m getting there but keep having setbacks because I’m not sure my scarey intrusive thoughts are wat everyone else gets , mine arnt actually distubing , they are just repetative or random but bring a fear or panic wave through my tummy or body which after several of them in a short period start the anxiety which I can control normaly, does anyone else get these silly thoughts with such a fear attatched to them , and will pauls method to accept them work? Realy need this last bit info cheers

  279. Davidina Says:

    Hi Teresa J – Thanks so much for giving me words of encouragement. I just feel so alone and feel I can’t talk to anyone about how I feel. I compare a lot to how I used to be and I know I shouldn’t do this. I find it so hard to stay in the moment, as my mind away thinking of all I have to do that day. Do you have any tips on thoughts as even they send me into panic mode. I keep checking into my body. Even this makes me very anxious. I know I’m not accepting, but when the anxious feelings become severe it is very hard. My mind chatters all day.Did all these things happen to you and how did you cope? Sorry to be so negative, but I just feel nobody is as bad as me, and when am I going to feel better. I probably just need a good kick up the bum at the moment. X

  280. Davidina Says:

    Hi Rachael – Thanks for getting back to me. I appreciate all the help I can get at the moment. I guess Paul’s book is just not clicking in with me at the moment. Rachael, what is D.P. I feel that I’m in a world of my own at times. Is this just me thinking of myself or is it something else. It frightens me. If I could just understand, it might not be just as frightening. X

  281. rosemary Says:

    Hello Tarmo

    What a great post. I suffer anxiety and very low mood. I know that I am progressing and do accept that one day i will feel better. I do all sorts of things during the day. sometimes they are easy and sometimes more difficult, because of low mood.I think my low mood/depression feeling is the worst for me. How long did u sffer with anxiety etc and how long did it take for your recovery.How long have you been recovered and can u honestly say you are completely over it. I think i need to know from someone who has been there that complete recovery is out there for us all.

  282. Jason Says:

    I just wanted to Thank you for this insightful information about anxiety. I am 21 years old, and i had such a hectic life, since i remember when i was 14, i suffered from paranoid thoughts, and panic disorder, which obviously came to a point that i couldn’t handle it no more, and i was just going round in circles getting myself ill. Now i came to realise that anxiety is part of me, and i even sometimes enjoy it and i embrace it and the symptoms, and i finally feel liberated and normal, i enjoy life to the fullest! Every single day is a blessing!I finally feel AMAZING! I’m not saying it was easy, and i am not yet totally recovered, but the journey has been very inspiring, and every obstacle i climb i always succeed! AGAIN thank you so much! you have helped many, and personally i am very grateful.

  283. Teresa J Says:

    Davidina, yes all these things happened to me. I am well into recovery now although I still have days and times when I need to have some help or reassurance.
    Things do improve – and with some people they improve quicker than others but finding acceptance is not easy and it does take time – and can come and go. however, the more you practice it the more ‘unalarming’ life becomes and the more that happens the better it is. There is no magic wand out there to change everything immediately but be reassured there are many on here who have completely recovered – and it seems the time they recover is when they reach a stage they don’t care anymore. I cannot find the post now but I think it was Scarlet that said think of it as a brick/rock that you are chipping at – it will break it to tiny pieces eventually but it won’t happen with the first few knocks. Keep living as near normal a life as possible and do not listen to the negative thoughts if possible and go out and do whatever it is it says you can’t. Good luck.

  284. candie Says:

    J have u got songs stuck in your head u mean? If so yes this is very common, i had songs, certain words etc its just a tired mind

  285. yolande Says:

    Hi all,

    I seem to have lost my self confidence ever since i have anxiety. everytime something happens or when i make mistakes at work, I tend to think óh is it the anxiety’. it is v frustrating sometimes. I seem to have lost the old me, and am stuck with this new me. Not even sure if i will ever have the old me back.

    Before i had anxiety, I used to be able to carry on when life throws setbacks at me, now, i find i ruminate more. i suppose this is a throw back from my anxiety days where thinking abt it seems a norm. I suppose i have always been a worrier – i just didnt realise it was doing it. now that i have anxiety, everytime i worry, i would think úh oh, is this anxiety talking again’. is this self monitoring normal???

    Would things get easier to bear? I read here that sometimes accepting that you cant always accept things the right way is normal. This has helped me a lot. I sometimes still get the ‘what ifs’thoughts and sometimes i panick a little and sometimes i can just shrug it off.

    if anyone would like to share their insights or advice i would appreciate it.

  286. yolande Says:

    oh one more thing

    i find that when i am at work, i would type in completely different words. eg i would type in carlson when the word should be charlton!!

    i find sometimes too that my brain feels numbed. why am i feeling this when i am so close to full recovery pls? Scarlet……….. can you pls help?? i get v worried when this happens as i dont know why i keep typing in wrong words. :(

    anyone else who can advice too wud be greatly appreciated – it’s driving me nuts currently. thanks so much

  287. candie Says:

    Yolande, i type in wrong words sometimes- nothing wrong with that it just means your not fully concentrating. Where you are going wrong is following the anxious thought behind it, thinking that its more important then it really is. Anxiety does that, it will make a lot of trivial things seem scary- what you have to learn to do is recognise this and dismiss the fear as anxiety.

  288. Davidina Says:

    Hi Teresa J. Thanks for taking the time to reply to me. I am so glad you are well on the road to recovery. I am taking on your advice as from now, so here’s hoping. I get this funny feeling sometimes as if when I’m doing ‘stuff’ that i’m in my own world, like being aware of my own body, like a fog. Is this depersonilization. Maybe if I knew what was happening, I wouldn’t be so scared of it. X

  289. lorryt Says:

    Hi all

    have been trying to stay away a bit as i am totally stressed out. getting upset to see hubby not coping at all well, and my old anxiety worries haunt me still . feels like pressure is on and i have no way of getting him to sort himself out as it were. i am not a very sympathetic person at the best of times ,but at the mo i have lost all patience and understanding. i never thought things could get like this again.hes very dispondent and after losing his job feels worthless. i cant give him his confidence back . its soo hard. just needed a bit of support myself today , just wanna collapse in a heap and bury my head until all is well again ! know it wont happen like that but its very tricky !. xxxx

  290. Scarlet Says:

    “I seem to have lost my self confidence ever since i have anxiety. everytime something happens or when i make mistakes at work, I tend to think óh is it the anxiety’.

    i find sometimes too that my brain feels numbed. why am i feeling this when i am so close to full recovery pls? Scarlet……….. can you pls help?? i get v worried when this happens as i dont know why i keep typing in wrong words”

    No worries Yolande, it’s because your mind is still preoccupied with anxiety to a certain degree. Of course you’ll still find yourself ruminating and not concentrating totally on the task in hand, this is perfectly normal even at 95%. You are bound to make typing errors, just think back to how you were at the beginning, I remember I was even flummoxed when I went to the cash point machine. You’ve come a long way, so don’t fret about a few typing errors and a mind that’s prone to ruminate a bit, it will taper off in time. You are on the right track heading for the station I promise 😉


    Lorry, sorry to hear about your husbands job, it’s hard when a partner succumb to something we have had ourselves. Try not to dwell on future events too much, you have had a LOT of good days, recapture these by getting out and concentrating on your own recovery so you can be in a better position to help him. Take care hun x

  291. Hannah Says:

    Hi Sydney, thanks for your reply. I am glad to hear that you went for a walk on the beach with your grandchildren, that is a definite move forward. Hope you continue to make progress. I’ve just come back from a week’s holiday and my anxiety levels were very low, didn’t even have a panic attack. However, the minute I got home I could feel it escalating again, but I’m trying to just let it pass through me and not get too bothered about it.

    Hi Scarlet, I found your post on how you tackled agarophobia very interesting. I find large shopping centres are the worst, especially if they’ve got shiny floors, sounds weird doesn’t it. I’m going to take your advice and just go for it even if I do get a panic attack and just tell myself it’s not going to hurt me. I’ll let you know how I get on. xxx

  292. Paul David Says:

    Just to let people know I have let over 20 posts through today so reading above there will be new material from new people, I am away in Scotland on a break and have just found internet access. I am home next week and will put up a new post sometime then. I did remove an email address from someone offering it on here, one is people have done this before then realised just how many people read the blog, have been swamped and then asked me to remove it pretty quick, secondly putting your email address on here has it crawled by google and will be picked up by every spammer out there and your inbox will be full within hours. If anyone wishes to swap emails then just ask and if both agree I will pass them on.

    Also welcome back Tarmo, the advise you give below is spot on and something I do try and get across.

    if your focus is on recovery all the time you may actually forget to LIVE your life in the moment and this way prevent the recovery from coming.


    I totally agree Tarmo and an explanation from me in my own words

    ‘Don’t spending every waking moment trying to find ways to feel better’ just live alongside how you feel, take your tired body and your weary mind around with you instead of trying to rid yourself of these feelings/emotions.


    ‘Don’t waste time trying to solve the big puzzle, going around in circles getting nowhere’, tiring your mind further and having you back on you and how you feel each day, move on and try and live a life with anxiety, this will eventually free you. One day you get up and the whole day revolves around you/how you feel, going around through the day trying to ‘Do’ something about it, trying to appear normal, questioning your day and how you went later in the day. The cycle is very familiar to me. Then in time you just get up and feel tired and weary/odd, but for once it doesnt seem so important, does not seem worthy of investigation, you go with it, instead of trying to appear/be a certain way. How much space/rest does the second approach give your mind and body compared to the first?


  293. Scarlet Says:

    “Hi Scarlet, I found your post on how you tackled agarophobia very interesting. I find large shopping centres are the worst, especially if they’ve got shiny floors, sounds weird doesn’t it. I’m going to take your advice and just go for it even if I do get a panic attack and just tell myself it’s not going to hurt me. I’ll let you know how I get on. xxx”

    Please do Hannah, if I can do it, you can as well. Get your trainers on and head for the shopping centre, do 10 mins walk on the shiny floor and then head for a coffee bar, and if you find yourself panicking, BREATHE and carry on. Take someone with you if you want, but aim to ultimately do it alone. You can do it 100% you can…. shiny floor or not ;-).

  294. Tarmo Says:


    I suffered for 3-4 years and recovery came gradually during the last 2 years. I ate pills for the depression for 1 year. I’m not a big fan of medicine but it helped me get to a stage where I was able to work with the info given here.

    How do I know I’m fully recovered? I’m feeling all kinds of emotions now and I can concentrate on things that I do. I enjoy life. Also, when I look in the mirror I know the guy I see, which was not the case for many years!

    All the best!

  295. yolande Says:

    Hi Lorry,

    I just want to say I understand how hard it must be for you right now. Just know that things will right themselves out somehow. These too shall pass.

    If you can, try to have some ME time. Very important and useful.

    Take care!

    PS: Thanks Scarlet & Candie!! A relief cos i never had this problem of typing in totally wrong words before.

  296. yolande Says:


    “” I finally came to my senses again, and where i stand now, suffering from anxiety again is something that ive just grown to strong for. I know its tricks to well, and i truly understand how weak it actually is when you can just, even for a moment, see the truth.

    If some crazy thought popped into my head that freaked me out, i learned to listen to it, and judge it with such a condescending attitude.”

    This is so true. I dont have panic attacks but i do have intrusive negative thoughts. these come and go and sometimes i find i can just ignore it and sometimes i cant. Like what i said before this post, i made some mistakes at work and it affected my confidence and then got me thinking negatively. happened so fast that i wasnt even aware i was ruminating and worrying over it.

    Being social is so right. We have to as otherwise we would sit around and do nothing but THINK. that’s what got me into this in the first place. too much thinking. dont have to be with ppl just go out even if by myself helps.

    i still think about recovery but i am trying to learn to take it easy. i know i cannot control the thoughts that come in but i can learn how far i want to take them.

    i used to so fear setbacks or even the return of these thoughts but now i think i can carry on even if i do have to come here for help sometimes.

    I am going through the same low feelings as you do. It’s not a nice feeling but i am trying to live with it. I wont say i am numb anymore as i have interest in most things – just that sometimes in the midst of my work, i would feel down all of a sudden. when this happens, i just take a deep breathe and carry on. even the normal ones get these low feelings -some ppl just handle them better. hope this helps.

    i think what Tarmo says is so true. Recovery does not mean total absence of these feelings/thoughts, altho it can. i cud never understand it before but now i think i do. if i live the rest of my life at 95% as i currently am at, i think i can do it. we all have crosses to bear.

  297. Tarmo Says:

    Yeah, it’s good to remember that everyone, no matter if they have anxiety or not, has low moods and feel foggy/disorientated sometimes. The difficult thing is that an anxious person’s mind and nerves are so tired, that they reinforce these feelings and make them more constant. And when you feel like that for a long time you start paying more and more attention to it and the cycle is ready. So, as Paul always states, breaking this cycle is the cure to give the nerves the peace they need.

    In my case, surviving anxiety, depersonalisation and depression helped me to get a better grip of myself than in my “previous life”, meaning the time before the hell broke. I now understand better what’s happening inside me and I don’t have to worry about feelings that feel scary – so the big cycle stays away. I actually went through a difficult break-up this year and I felt a lot of confusion and sadness, but I decided not to fight these feelings and I managed to keep myself open enough to not fall back to the old pit of anxiety. This has been a big test for me.

  298. lorryt Says:

    hi guys

    thanks for the support. had a particularly bad day yesterday , and me and my girls were all in tears. but that was yesterday and we have to move on, and look forwards. as hard as it is. we keep getting back on the bike and riding it only to be knocked off again by th next obstacle. i have never had a time like it before and hope i never have one again. will leave u all in peace ! , as really spaced out today very dp.

  299. ross Says:

    Right i need some help please .

    I have been suffering with anxiety for nearly a year now and recently i really understood wat acceptance is but i find it hard tho when i dont feel ANYTHING i find it scary and feels like im goin 2 really lose it .

    Im active i go 2 work and play football all time , even tho i’ve had some scary times nothin has ever happened but i just dont seem to be gettin anywhere sometimes feel like its gettin worse no matter how much i ignore it and accept it .

    Should i see the doctor and would anti-depressants help me?? this all feels like 1 very long knightmare that doesnt seem 2 end .

    I feel completely empty like im not even in my body??!!! can binge drinking do u a lot of harm??? i stop drinking altogether then get sick of it and go out and get really drunk.

    Im scared the real me will never come back :(

    Please can some1 give me some advice .

    And when u accept all the feelings like DP , do you ignore it ?? or tell urself its only DP or wat ???

    P.S i get this really annoyin thought that i’ve forgotten how 2 speak so annoyin!!! i know i can speak and nothin has ever stopped me but still i get this build of anxiety that it feels like i’ve got 2 speak 2 prove the stupid thought wrong….so annoying

  300. rosemary Says:

    Hi Tarmo and all on this site
    I am struggling with low mood and wondered if anyone can give me any helpful tips. I go out and socialise, having meals with friends, cinema etc. Most of the time (once I relax my mind) I have a great time.Trouble free confident and so peaceful and happy enjoyong life. Then the next day start feeling sickin my tummy worrying that i may have bad feelings a bad day then I upset myself and start feeeling low.Its almost like i am in a rut thinking oh here we go its monday again I always feel bad on a monday and I believe my silly thoughts and go through the day feeling bad. I hate these ups and downs. I find it hard to deal with feeling good and happy then next morning feeling sick in my tummy and low and edgy. Any advice anyone. I have many many good times now which 2 years ago I thought I would not, I am definately recovering sometimes thinking if i stay like this (in my good mood) I can have a happy life forever then the doubts come back (mornings are my worst times)and I question it all again. Get so frustrated with myself. Any comments or suggestions. Thanks

  301. rosemary Says:

    just need a little positivity from you guys to push me on again as the last few days have been great,just feel yuck today. Thanks

  302. LORRYT Says:


    like you said you have had many many good times and think that as time goes on it will be like that without thinking about it. trouble is when we have the bad times we always think things will never go back to good, but why when we have the good times do we never dwell on the bad ?!?. It is just part of the process, believe me its tricky but you have come this far. try not ot get frustrated with things , i know its hard, it doesnt help! let yourself be, you will get back on track. i was always very hard on myself which in turn has the opposite effect, you cant think your way out of it, just get on with your day and pay it no mind!. i am having a tough time at the mo, but am getting by ok, i never thought a ffew years ago that i oculd cope with stress like this and not crumble, but i can so its testament to what i have learned here and how i have applied it . recovery is possible you have to believe it , slow , but if i can get there anyone can !
    try and have a good one xxxxxx

  303. brenda Says:

    brenda says:

    Anyone got any tips on dealing with that dreaded morning feeling? I go through hell most mornings but as the afternoon wears on I usually feel back to normal how do I get over this?

  304. rosemary Says:

    Thanks again for the reply, nice to know that someone is out there listening and helping. Hope your situation is easing a bit for you. Lorryt how do i tell the difference between DP and depression. I am convinced I am depressed as I feel low but also sometimes feel detached from myself and feel like I am on the outside looking in.(I check in on myself loads during the day but not the eve) I feel like life is not normal!(like i am just going through the motions!) I do so many things now and know i have moved on loads. Almost every eve is now relaxed and I enjoy them with my family. Why then do i feel so low and detached in the day time. Almost meaningless with no happiness in them. I guess i need to just keep going but daytimes are so challenging for me its a struggle but for no reason. This is not meant to be a negative posting, as I said I have moved on loads and I know that my anxiety is exaggerating my feelings today.Tomorrow is another day. Oh i,m off dancing tonight.

    I have exactly the same problem as you. As soon as I wake I feel sick,worried, nervous, low mood etc etc…I just get on with my day as difficult as that can be. I do all the things that my anxiety tells me I cant or I shouldnt. As the day moves on I start to relax a little and by early eve I feel almost “normal”.I think I just get caught up in daily issues and forget about ME,thats the key but its not always easy. I go to bed feeling relaxed and content and wake next morn feeling bad again. That is my circle. I just accept that is me (I hate it) but its not going to beat me so I just carry on regardless. It is the dreaded morning that keeps me in this fear I wake up expecting it. I do not take medication as I have decided that if I can and do have good days,times I dont need medication, I can do it myself. Not sure this will help Brenda but maybe give you a little comfort knowing that others have the same problems. We are all here for each other.

  305. rosemary Says:

    HI Paul David

    A posting on low mood/depression would be fantastic. I know I can get through anxiety and recover, I have read the stories (in your book) but what about depression can i recover from it. I hear people suffer for years.(not even sure if I am depressed but feel low and strange so assume its depression) I see a councillor once a month and she assures me I am not depressed but I dont know.How did u deal with yours and how did you get over it.I have a fantastic family and really want to enjoy them every day.I feel like i am being cheated of all the fun and exciting things we do that I know I can enjoy but just dont at the moment. Having said that I dont know the difference between dp and depression, maybe you could clear this up for me. Depression is a real FEAR for me,I dont want to be tagged as depressed.Any help would be greatly appreciated. Oh hope you are enjoying Scotland. I have recommended your book to many people I know and I am sure they will benifit from it as I did. Thanks for book it really is such a comfort for people suffering.

  306. jess Says:

    Hi everyone, i have posted in other posts but this is my first time posting on this recent post. My anxiety is through obessional intrusive thoughts. It all started 2 months ago ( feels like a lifetime ago) and have been in my head 24/7 for this period of time. I have given these thoughts lots and lots of meaning and they have completely disturbed be to be honest. They had me believing i was a monster. I am on the way to recovery and it takes such a weight off my shoulders when i remind myself that a thought is just a thought and has no meaning whatsoever and the only reason these thoughts are hanging around at the mo is that i gave them lots of power at the beginning.

    Education plays a major part in getting over this type of anxiety, as i believe it rips the power that we once gave unwanted thoughts. I am trying to get my life back on track as for the past few months i have been so caught up in my own head, that i haven’t really thought about anyone else around me. I want to feel again, i want to be happy again and look forward to things not dread what nasty thought my mind has to conjour up.

    I now realise i have no control over my thoughts, these are automatic and involuntary and we have no control. These thoughts are adrenalin thats all….. Its not even the thoughts that are the issue its the oversensitivity to the thoughts that are the problem. I have anxiety, i am not a bad person, and am now in the process of stripping the power these thoughts once had over me. I do believe it will take time but every day i am training my brain not to freak out over thoughts, i just allow them to come in and remind myself that this is just anxiety doing its thing. It does not characterize the person i am or what desires. I once read on this site on another blog, that we are the safest people in the world as we fear the evil things in life. I took alot of comfort in this, i think it was candie ( so thanks for that candie) As you can see i can talk alot, but uno what its great to talk to people that undersatnd what you are going through, do not judge you and just offer simple calming advice. Hope everybody is ok.

    Take Care


  307. Patrick Says:

    Rosemary, I read your comments above on dreaded morning feeling and depression.

    I too had that dreaded morning “thing” for a long time. I too usually felt better by evening, but then the whole thing just started again the next day.

    I felt for ages that if I could just find the solution to this, then I would be better. In the end, I realised what did it matter if I felt awful in the morning ? I knew I would be better by evening, and over time, I felt better by mid afternoon, then by midday, then I only felt bad for a couple of hours until eventually I felt OK all day long. In reality, I suppose what was happening was as I placed less and less importance on how I felt in the morning, less adrenelin was produced, until eventually none at all was produced.

    I think when we try to accept, this is the first stage. By trying to accept I mean saying to yourself “what does it matter how I feel ? So what etc”. At first, you will care how you feel and it will be important, but just by trying to adopt this “attitude” it is the beginning of turning things around, and eventually, you really will not care how you feel.

    I spent many months practicing not caring, it was very up and down, some days I really didn’t care, then had periods where I did again and felt despair etc. In retrospect I see this is what people mean when they have good days bad days etc and eventually the good days overtake the bad days. i.e. Eventually, I got to the point where pretty much every day was a day when I didn’t care that I felt rubbish, it just wasn’t the problem it was many months ago.

    It was more or less the same with feeling low and depressed. I felt uninterested in life for ages, and it was awful for a long long time, until again, I realised what did it matter? I could not do anything about it so I learned to accept it. Same thing happened:- by adopting or trying to adopt this attitude, how I felt became less and less important, and then I started to have periods of feeling brighter and again, these periods became longer and longer until I felt like this all the time!

    So in short, try to adopt that don’t care attitude. No matter what the symptom, it is all the same. By practicing the atttude, it becomes second nature and this is what I mean when I said previously that I forgot all about recovery – because it just stopped being an issue as I did not see any of the symptoms I had as a problem. I have no real idea of when I last had a symptom – I really turned a corner about last october and I think my last bout of depression was over Xmas, but even then I just accepted it.

    It’s hard to sum up how I recovered in a few paragraphs, but really, it is about the attitude towards how you feel. If you stop giving these symptoms importance, they do go away. It is a long and hard journey but one I believe we can all do.



  308. angela Says:

    hey everyone!

    I was wondering if someone could give me some advice….I would say I’m recovered, I don’t really worry or think about anxiety anymore and I have felt like this for quite some time. The thing is, recently there have been a few big changes in my life and I cannot seem to stop worrying about things…It’s repetative unproductive worries I’d say..I keep thinking things are going to turn out badly for me, and actually there isn’t any evidence. I particulaly worry about people taking advantage of me and so on. I find it really difficult to pin point if I’m being irrational. My anxiety problem started with me worrying about a situation I had no control over, and I have kept out of these situations for a very long time. Now I am finding myself back in a situation where I am vulnrable to ‘getting hurt’ and I am worrying ALL the time. Does anyone have any advice on how I can stop this?I’m not worried I’ll get a setback or anything but I presumed that since I am recovered, I wouldn’t worry so much about things. I was obviously wrong and I am still a worrier!so annoying!I only realised the other day that it was getting out of hand and that I just need to relax but I am fininding it very difficult..any advice would be appreciated!

    my main question is, when do you KNOW that you are worrying about something ‘real’ and when do you KNOW that it’s anxiety based worry?DO WE ACTUALLY EVER NEED TO WORRY?

    thank you x

  309. angela Says:

    Also, I wanted to share this quote with everyone:

    ‘My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened’

  310. MLK Says:

    Hey Everyone, I have been in a bit of a setback lately and wanted some words of wisdom…I dont know why I am in a setback, but i am experiencing some of the same feelings that I had prior to me reading Paul’s book and it scares me to think that it could be happening all over again. Its like I know what I need to do and what type of approach I need to take, but it isnt clicking in my brain anymore. I feel like I am more panicky lately and I am having a lot of negative thoughts again. I work in a mental health facility so I am constantly having thoughts that I am schizophrenic or something of that nature. Deep down I know I’m not, but I am freaking myself out so bad. I began hvaing the thoughts and the feelings of anxiety around this time last year…when I graduated college and moved to a new city, I was moving up in regards to my recovery, now for some reason I feel like I am back at square one. It really is such a dis-heartning feeling. Are some setbacks more severe than others? Has anyone else felt like they were back to the beginning, but then came through? Candie or Scarlet, do you have any advice that could pick me up and set me on my way again?? Anything is appreciated! Thanks so much!!

  311. candie Says:

    MLK, many of times iv felt back to square one, even worse at some points- but i always came through feeling even better then i did before the setback. A setback isnt having a bad day, its where you feel like uv gone bk to the worst of times again for a bit. You will come through it, everyone does :)

    Rosemary, if you fear been depressed you will end up feeling it- same as if you fear been anxious you will feel anxious too. Whatever you dwell on will become your reality, thats how anxiety works! Now i dont mean you will suffer from mental illnesses or physical illnesses just because you fear them, i mean any type of emotional feeling can be summoned in ANYBODY if they look for it and dwell on it. If i was to think about been depressed for long enough id feel it, the mind can be tricked into suggestion so try not to dwell on any feelings you feel and disregard them as anxiety

  312. lorryt Says:

    hi all

    today started off ok, i was fine with life but now am back on the emotional rollercoaster again. I am so mad at my hubby about his job, i am trying to make ends meet and i really dont want to be near my husband at the moment. i am at work and i am fine, but when i think about comeing home my heart sinks and off i go again . i love my kids my house etc but am so stressed out its the lsihgtest thought and off we go. i know i need to dismiss these thougths and let them be but today its proving a challenge. i know i iwll be ok but i hate all the turmoil xxxx

  313. rosemary Says:


    Thank you so much for taking the time to post such a helpful reply.You are right,I say to myself, “if I could just sort out this morning thing I will be fine” but I know there is no quick fix. Its just when I have a bad morning i continue to question and worry myself all day. Sometimes I get my positive head on and just get on with my day and again you are right, i relax earlier and my day becomes much easier but then those horrible days when I just cant shift it. The day feels like a week. It is so funny how other people see you too. I sometimes feel low and choked up and think perhaps people around me can see it but today was so funny. A lady i work with was talking with me and said what she liked about me was that I was always so positive and happy..Isnt that funny coz thats no where near how I was feeling while I was talking to her. I am not worried how other people see me although in the early days in was a big fear factor for me. I will try to just accept whenever I can I just keep getting so frustrated with myseld and then wind myselfup. I have taken positive thoughts from your post. Again thank you Patrick.

  314. rosemary Says:

    Candie thank you. i know I just shouldnt dwell on how i feel. somedays i dont dwell and some days i cant help as it grips me so hard. Its just getting the balance right, as i said if i didnt wake feeling so bad in the mornings i feel things would be much better. i will continue to livemy life with all its ups and downs andhope the downs become less difficult for me.

  315. candie Says:

    Rosemary, the best bit of advice i can give you is dont try to hard to acheive anything.. if you are worrying about all of this and striving for acceptance you are making things harder then they need to be. I hit many points in recovery where i was trying to accept but couldnt quite do it as i was to focussed on accepting to make the feelings go away. Then i realised, it was ok to get up and feel depressed- it wasnt going to harm me it was just a feeling and i wasn not going to be bluffed by it. I didnt like it, but it wasnt as big in my mind anymore, i didnt have to figure out acceptance to get rid of it- i was just going to live with it and let it run its course. Acceptance is never about learning to feel better, its about allowing yourself to feel any symptoms and seeing them for what they are- anxiety and harmless.

  316. Paul David Says:

    Good advice from Patrick and Candie above. I have mentioned it many times before, but the day I began to recover is the day I stopped trying to recover. Everyday was just a day, it meant less and less to me how I felt, good or bad.

    I have just returned from Scotland and will do a post about recovery from D.P as promised in the next couple of days.


  317. Patrick Says:

    Totally agree with Candie above. It is not the symptoms that keep us stuck – it is the frustration, impatience and attempts to fix it that are the real problems. That’s why the advice is always the same regardless of the symptom, be it mental physical etc.

    I used to beat myself up when I had a bad day, thinking I had failed, but this was just another phase of the recovery process. I learned to not beat myself up, if I had a bad day, so what ?

    Acceptance will come with time, it crept up on me without me realising once I stopped trying to find it!

    I realised that I really didn’t care, it just did not matter that I felt nervous, that my mind was full of stupid thoughts. I felt low, uninterested, spaced out and unreal but I welcomed it all, didn’t try to fix it.


  318. jess Says:

    Hey everyone,
    This is to ANT you haven’t posted since the July but just to let you know, you are no alone ANT i am on the same boat. But i am getting better and things are looking good. I still feel down at times when these thoughts come but i now just say ‘ there goes my anxiety again’ and i try and keep moving.

    Now that i understand that this is anxiety, i don’t let it stop me doing anything. I used to dwell and call in sick to work just so that i could have time to think, not do uni work cause i was on net searching for the answer…. but now i when i feel like this i just remind myself that this is my anxiety and try and focus on what has to be done and do it. I then feel accomplished that ive got something done and not letting anxiety get in the way of what i want to achieve in life. I still feel weepy at times, but after reading other posts i realise that a bit of depression is to be expected. So therefore i don’t mind it, and i carry on.

    Im not 100 % i’d say 75% of the way there but im doing the best i can, and i think thats just great to be honest! lol I hope you all are ok, and again thank you to paul for this wonderful site.

    P.s. candie you give great advice and i can really relate to your story. Its a horrible place but i have read alot of your advice and its excellant.

    Everyone take care and keep moving!


  319. Hannah Says:

    Hi Scarlet, I promised I’d let you know how I got on when I went to the shopping centre so here goes. Due to a cold and just having received news that my leg which I broke 8 months ago may have to be operated on again. I was feeling pretty bad this morning and my anxiety levels were high. I almost didn’t get on the bus with my husband but pushed myself. We went in the shopping centre and had a panini and a coffee and then had a look around a few shops together. I was feeling much better by then and told my husband I would be okay on my own for a while. I went in a few shops and strolled around for a bit. When I felt my anxiety levels rising I heard your voice saying just get on with it shiny floor or not and found that was such a great help. Thank you again for your advice and I’ll keep you updated. xxx

  320. scarlet Says:


    Sorry to hear about your leg, but you did great in the shopping centre. Next time, spend a wee bit longer there on your own, and build it up. I know you can do it, don’t be afraid of anything hun, I promise you it get’s easier….

  321. rosemary Says:

    hey Sasha
    Just a few quick lines to say hello. I have been up and down over the last few weeks, its a pain but i accept it as part of the recovery process.Its so difficult somedays. How have you been?

  322. Tarmo Says:

    Hi all,

    a few thoughts about the ongoing discussion:

    I see a lot of people talk about how they have felt great one day and the next day they feel horrible. When I was at my worst, I would have given all my money for ONE day feeling good, or even one day feeling bearable. And still, I eventually came through. So don’t you lose hope for 1 day or week or month feeling worse again. Instead, consider yourself blessed for the good days, because it’s a big step forward! As an ex-sufferer I know well it aint easy to accept the bad days, but I needed to say this because it’s true.

    One thing that I’d like to share about my own recovery is that starting therapy was one of the most important things for me. It helped me open up little by little and eventually I was able to keep myself open in the “outside world” as well. When you’re open, your less confused and when your less confused, your mind becomes clearer. In therapy I returned inside my own skin, in a way. I searched for a right therapist for a while and when I felt I found the right one I dedicated myself to the process and I couldn’t have gone through without it.

  323. Mike F. Says:

    Well, I kept with the exercise and it is no longer making me feel so weird after I do it. So I’m glad I stuck with it!

    One thing that really annoys me about my anxiety is how locked into my own mind and thinking I become. And it’s not just anxious thoughts, but a kind of forced and compulsive thinking in general. But I can see where anxiety/worry is at the root of it. And one of the great things that I’m really beginning to see now is how accepting/not fighting/not reacting helps to clear this up, the mind becomes clearer and you begin to feel more connected to the outer world and what’s around you instead of locked into your own thinking and worrying all the time. Well, it’s still the early days of recovery for me so I still struggle, but at least I can see that I’m on the right path, which itself is a great relief. You really do just have to stick with this approach.

  324. Andre Says:

    Very good point Tarmo!
    When we are low we feel so impressed by the feelings, that we think this will stick with us forever, but every time we’ll come through. I felt at the lowest point during my recovery, but never let myself totally defeat, just going with every day, convinced that some day the sun will shine again, and it did. So don’t be too impressed by feelings and emotions, just take every day as it is.

    During my recovery many times i felt even worse than i was at the starting of the anxiety, but this is because the old self of me began to resurface. This make sens now. Actually you are not at the square one, this is just some downy feelings amplified by the good days you have before.
    I think the most important thing in recovery process is patience, and acceptance. The last one is foremost the most important aspect in recovery.

    I wish i could put into words every thought i have, my english is not the best :)

  325. Andrew Says:


    Just looking for a bit of advise, I have posted on here re this subject but seem to be a bit stuck. I feel I am at the point where I can accept the physical sensations, churning stomach DP, twitching, sweaty hands ect and get on with my day but I find the unpleasant thoughts so upsetting. I know the advise is to ignore them and to let them in ect but I seem to be in a bit of a hole. The issue I have is that they seem to be getting darker. For example my 2 year old daughter may be cuddled up on the couch and my wife would say oh look she has gone to sleep, I would look then suddenly a thought would appear in my mind “she looks dead” then I get a wooch of fear panic churning stomach and I cant let the thought go it sticks for ages as it goes around my head, I then go into a freestyle thought process – i have depression, OCD im mentally ill and feel like bursting into tears ect and I cant seem to shake it off, that 1 thought can hang around for hours and reinforces I have a problem. Of course then I get more of these thoughts because thats how it works!
    I totally trust in Pauls method of recovery, I’ve also read some of Richard Carlson and Will Beswicks material as well. My fear is that the more of these thoughts I have the more it becomes habitual to have them as just letting them come and not react seems to be beyond me and I worry how much darker my thoughts will get if I dont deal with this.
    Any advise would be very helpful.


  326. Teresa J Says:

    Just a little word for Hannah. Sometimes we don’t give ourselves enough credit for the ‘braveness’ and strength we do have – we tend to fight things other people would happily give themselves an easy ride on. You have had a broken leg, and you have had news that would make many people feel not happy/stressed about. The fact you followed Scarlet’s advice (which was the right thing to do) shows what a strong person you are – you should be very pleased with yourself and keep on trucking with scarlet’s advice – but please , tell yourself how well you have done. I think you did so well.

  327. Teresa J Says:

    Andrew – you maybe over reading at the moment. i found if i tried to work things out too much that it made me more aware of my thoughts, that’s not such a bad thing because when you ‘lay off’ the situation the knowledge is there as background – but whilst you are immersed in it the fears may seem bigger and more real. It’s all to do with ‘focus’ – in order to educate yourself you are focusing on the problem – you can almost aliken it to someone who is afraid of flying reading about planes. I know how hard it is to let go of these thoughts – I still have not mastered it completely but recognising they are ‘just thoughts’ should be the start of recovery, if they are thoughts you do not need to try and rid yourself of them because they do not mean anything awful is going to happen – they are a nuisance but that’s all , the more your brain recognisies that the less attention they will pay them. Fear tends to focus on what’s most important to you. I’m not telling to you not to read the books – they can often be a big help, but try not to immerse yourself in them. – if you were reading your own blog entry you would realise how much you are projecting your fears further into the future and expecting them to get worse, they won’t, it’s funny how we can see that in others but often not ourselves. Your thoughts will settle down as you settle down – there have been loads of people on here with disturbing thoughts and they have all seen them get better and even go.

  328. candie Says:

    Andrew, honestly- that isnt even a wrong thing to think.. nothing is actually- but plenty of times iv looked at my son asleep and thought he looks dead, a few times when iv checked on him throughout the night iv thought it and checked his breathing. These thoughts only seem important as your anxiety is high, hold onto that fact and when they pop into your mind just remind yourself its ok to have them, the fear behind them is a false because of your anxiety levels and your not to be bluffed :)

  329. Hannah Says:

    Scarlet, thanks for your positive feedback, I know I just need to get out there and do it and next time hopefully I’ll be able to stay longer with your words ringing in my ears!

    Theresa J, I think you’ve got to the crux of the matter, it all boils down to lack of self esteem and confidence. I think I’ve got into a negative way of thinking without realising it, whereas before I was easygoing and carefree. Maybe if we all gave ourselves a pat on the back when we achieved something, perhaps we wouldn’t feel so down on ourselves, so let’s celebrate our successes.

  330. Andrew Says:

    Thanks Theresa/Candie

    Theresa I think you may be right, I have been reading around the subject a lot recently in an effort to figure out what I was thinking, this has made me ultra aware of myself, my thought and feelings even more than before. Its just the thoughts such as mentioned above and others such as listening to the radio and hearing 3 songs by the same artist and automatically thinking its because they are dead, instead of the radio just playing 3 songs by the same artist!! Its that automatic thought entering my head that sets me off on the worry, mental illness concern, panic, wheres this all leading ect ect that I just cant seem to shake off and seems to be getting worse.

    thanks, Andrew

  331. marc Says:

    hi all,

    just a quick question for the recovered- iv been finding depersonalization and the feeling of being emotionless the worst and the hardest, luckily enough the scary and disturbing thoughts have faded… an example of my D.P and the emotionless feelings, like today i was out with one of my friends and he was telling me a funny story, now i did laugh but even during the laughter i was concious of it and like questioning it-”why am i laughing?” ”what is laughter?” ”does laughter exist?” ”will i ever be able to feel my emotions properly without all these questions and weird feelings again?”……which led to the feeling of D.P and being emotionless and a slight bit panicky. now i know this is more than likely just the off shoot of my anxiety, but i was just wondering if anybody else has got this and what is the best action to take to help it fade???

    thanks, marc

  332. lorryt Says:

    hi there

    dont quite have the coping skills today. i think the events of the past few weeks or even months have caught up with me. i feel really low and want to cry again. i have a really muzzy head and i just want to sleep. All the n egative thoughts are kicking in again, and i have lost the art of not letting them go without holding on and investigatin them. i feel so crap about it all, cant seem to shake it at the mo. xx

  333. Rosemary Says:

    Hi Lorryt
    I am feeling really peculiar too. I am pushing myself to do normal things but seem numb.I know its a pasing thing just like u. U are so strong. keep going x

  334. Ruth Says:

    Hi Lorryt

    I too am having a very muzzy head possbily due to excess pressures over the last few weeks. Its the first time I have posted but have been reading on the site intermittenlty for a few months and found Paul’s book really good. We have to remind ourselves and each other that these horrible days do pass and quicker if we trust in our body to heal itself and accept the horribleness. Paul and other people are so right that we have to ACCEPT and try not to add even more fear. Its hard to believe it but our body just wants to heal itsself and it will do if we let it. I really hope and pray that the horrible muzzy head and dark cloud will soon lift so you can smile again :)

  335. peter Says:


    Its the anxiety causing the disturbing thoughts mate. Absolutely nothing else. Your tired mind is playing tricks on you and you are giving the thoughts massive importance. It does not matter one jot what you think, its no reflection on you or your character. Disturbing thoughts are a very common symptom of anxiety.

    I have had them all from stupid irritating phraes to the most violent and horrible thoughts imaginable mostly surrounding people I really care about. I have been rock bottom and at one point thought I would end up in a mental hospital.

    You are placing massive importance on them so your mind will constantly focus on them as they are something to be feared, this of course will illicit an anxious response and cause the physical symptoms your talk about.
    Andrew just let them be, let them come into your mind and pass away. Its difficult but believe me it can be done. Over time they become less and less important. They will come out of habit but pay them no heed, get on with your life do positive things and expose yourself to the thoughts. Anxiety loves fear and avoidance.

    I have had them for five years and at times they’ve really upset me. Now they come quite infrequently because about 12 months ago I stopped paying attention to them and they have paled into insignificance. Believe it or not I’ll get a bizarre thought and I actually laugh out loud at its absurdity. Have some faith mate you can get better from this horrible but totally not permanent symptom of anxiety.

  336. lorryt Says:

    hi rosemary

    i feel emotionless again and yes numb.hat eit but have to go with it i guess. dont feel particularly strong at the mo ! but thanks.
    youhave come along way too you know, but at least we recognise it now for what it is and we can sort it out accordingly ! keep going hun we can do it !! push on thorugh xx

  337. Albert Says:

    Hi Marc,

    just to let you know, that you are not alone. Sometimes I feel absolutely the same. But believe me with time it is getting better. What is helping me is patience, acceptance a strong belief in myself and full recovery. This is second time (after 15 yrs) when I am suffering anxiety. Last time it took me one year until full recovery, but I did it. So why it should be different this time. Now it is 6 months and I feel day by day better and better at all, although I have the bad periods during the day, during the week. But is more and more less so I know it is working again. Take care, A.

  338. Albert Says:

    PS, and be sure that emotion-numbness and DP is the last one, which resolve, in most cases. So be patient and try to enjoy the life even when it is difficult. A.

  339. Carrie Says:

    marc and andrew (and anyone else who is close to recovery but still bothered by DP or intrusive thoughts),

    hi. just wanted to let you know that your symptoms are normal and also wanted to share what i did that finally helped. i have had lots of spacey moments, LOTS of weird thoughts, and i’ve often wondered if i would ever just process emotions normally. after the past year of feeling like i was losing my mind, i am starting to feel normal again… like my old self, not constantly observing my thoughts.

    i believe wholeheartedly in paul’s book and the acceptance philosophy. i also love the work of claire weekes. what helped me get over the last hurdle of recovery… and finally be able to relax and not let thoughts bother me was inositol. it is a supplement that i’ve started taking and it has made all the difference! if you want to know more about it, you can just google “inositol and anxiety” or “inositol and panic.”

    let me say that i am not a fan of medication and have never tried any antidepressants. the main thing is accepting that anxiety is ok and won’t hurt you. but for me, inositol helped me relax and enable me to practice acceptance of those nagging thoughts. there are several great things about it: all natural, no side effects, water soluble. i buy it in the powder form and mix a little in with my coffee. it has worked wonders! the studies conducted reported ppl taking 12-18 grams. i only take 1-2 grams and it works for me (but i am small). you can start low and add more as needed.

    it’s not a miracle cure… acceptance is that! but it apparently works by regulating messages between neurotransmitters in the brain, thus restoring normalcy to your nervous system and thought patterns. best of luck!

  340. rosemary Says:

    Went out last night and really enjoyed myself. Something happened that made me laugh and it was just so funny and so nice to laugh and enjoy it. But here I am again this morning feeling low again, like I cant cope or get through the day,feeling sick in my stomach. I know I will, I always do and nothing bad happens but just cant shake this feeling. It is also strange that while I was sleeping I was dreaming about being anxious even telling people in my dream i was an axious person. So of course when i wake i feel the symptons , however a few nights a go i dreamt i was going on holiday and in my dream was so happy and carefree, i was almost skipping with joy in my dream, when i woke i felt quite relaxed and had a ni8ce day. isnt it funny how dreams can effect your mood like that.

  341. Candie Says:

    Rosemary, u wrote ”just cant shake this feeling”. Dont try to shake it! Accetance is allowing yourself to experience all the symptoms so you can see for yourself they are harmless, whiles you are trying to feel good again you arnt accepting. If you can have one good night, you can fully recover- its all in your attitude. Your nerves are tired, so dont worry about why they make u feel like u do- it just tires them further. Let them do there thing and work beside it, do everything u would of before with the knowledge its ok to feel bad. I think some people think if your accepting then you will feel better, but feeling better comes after you give your nerves the rest- and true acceptance isnt about making yourselfwell, its about stepping out the way and letting your nerves do there thing and recover. I followed the same pattern as you too, just go with it and dont be alarmed, whiles you fear experiencing the anxiety it will come back as your looking for it.

  342. Teresa J Says:

    Hi Candie
    Just been reading your advice to rosemary and you are right about the thinking because if you accept you do think it will go away – I find it a sort of strange roundabout. You do not fear the symptoms you do not have whilst you have something else, you always seem to think if i can just lose my fear of this one i will be right – and then whoops, that one goes and the merry go round comes round with another and although you don’t think you’ll fear it you start trying to get rid of it and then you’re chasing your old tail again. You know they are harmless – so it’s a matter of time before your attention moves off them. It’s losing the fear of the thought or feeling enough for it not to be able to grab your attention.
    I think it’s when you take the plunge, blind faith, leaving go of the rails – decide what the hell – that’s when things start to improve. It can be a long road, i’m still practising it – and many times think I won’t ever shift this – but there is no alternative apart from accepting and letting go.

  343. Candie Says:

    Teresa honestly what you described was me totally, i used to think if i could just forget this thought, or get rid of this feeling i would be happy- but look at the pressure i put on myself doing that… whenever i had that attitude to my symptoms they allways dominated my day. In the end i decided i had anxiety, and anxiety was going to do its best to scare me- afterall people only usually experience this under real threat. So after a while i realised my mind would come up with plenty of thoughts, lots of strange feelings too and i would just take whatever it put my way.. all knowing that i didnt have to like how i felt, i wasnt however going to struggle free of it. That got rid of all the tension with myself, the inner battle- then my nerves slowly healed- and still are! Remember its ok for the next thought to pop back in when you have desensitized to the previous one, allow it too- anxiety needs a focus thats all. Anxiety will scream danger at you (tired nerves and plenty of adrenalin) for nothing, so our imagination then comes up with allsorts of negative, scary, strange thoughts and ideas and even feelings to match them. Just go with it and dont try to figure any thoughts out.. they will feel so real, there bound to- dont even risist them feeling real- just smile at them and say yep you can feel real i know why you feel real i have tons of adrenalin caused by no real threat so it needs to manifest itself somewhere. Then when that thought floats of and the next pops in (often an old one you thought ud got past), say great stuff another little anxious scenario and welcome it. Never try to mentally look away and resist your thinking, allow it and understand its ok to think scary negative things.

  344. scarlet Says:

    Hi Andrew,

    ” The issue I have is that they seem to be getting darker. For example my 2 year old daughter may be cuddled up on the couch and my wife would say oh look she has gone to sleep, I would look then suddenly a thought would appear in my mind “she looks dead” then I get a wooch of fear panic churning stomach and I cant let the thought go it sticks for ages as it goes around my head, I then go into a freestyle thought process – i have depression, OCD im mentally ill and feel like bursting into tears ect and I cant seem to shake it off, that 1 thought can hang around for hours and reinforces I have a problem. Of course then I get more of these thoughts because thats how it works!”

    I remember this EXACT same scenario I went through many many many times. Having thoughts of this nature when your children are sleeping is ‘very’ normal, even when recovered. In fact I was looking at my 3 year old only last night when he was asleep and thinking the exact same thing and I’m recovered now. The difference between me and you (or myself back in THOSE days) was that when I had this thought last night, I didn’t give it any emotional response, said to myself ‘that’s too morbid and won’t go there’ and I gently put him back in his own bed and went to watch the telly without another thought.

    This is what you have to learn to do as well, to not dwell on thoughts of this nature which spiral out of control from the initial thought to making yourself sick analysing the thought to the point you think you are a nutcase, or have some incurable mental condition (I HAVE DONE THIS AS WELL 😉 …. I promise wholeheartedly Andrew that you do not. So next time you get a ‘NORMAL’ thought like this, say ‘hey, won’t even go there tonight’, and let it pass….. this is retraining the mind not to react, and the more you practice this, the less the thoughts will come and your mind will be peaceful…

  345. Rebekka Says:

    Hi there, i am very very pleased that i came to find this site which lead me to purchasing ‘At last a life’ this book made me smile and think ‘why have i worried so much on and off for so long’ I personally have on and off symptoms that come from nowhere and have therefore frightened the hell out of me in the past, i too thought i was going mad, had a serious mental health problem etc which just made the anxiety worse. I remember having one horrible thought around my father when i was very young and he used to make me feel anxious which shows it is a symptom of anxiety. I also went through abit of a traumatic time in my 20’s and then these intrusive thoughts came back, this was when i thought i was going mad, i was very lucky as my mum was very supportive and i went to see a really great therapist which did help me. I started doing what was advised in the book when i had some really bad days and it did work for me, i just carried on and continued to get on with my life and i have become less frightened, i will keep this book close to my heart and look back at it if i need to.

  346. Teresa J Says:

    Thank you Candie – it helps to know it’s part of a journey that leads to being less bothered by it all. when you realise other people have been on the rounabout and then ended up not being bothered by the roundabout of thoughts and then ignored the roundabout – it really helps. I had started to think that because I have been in this situation longer than most (but about the same as Paul) that somehow I may improve but not learn to dismiss and not matter completely. I know the road although like all of us sometimes I need a shove back on track with my attitude.

  347. Andrew Says:


    Thanks for the reply Scarlet, its good to know through this reply and others you have made to me that you appear to have experienced everything I have and come out the other side. I really do need to work at not reacting to any thoughts/feelings/images/sights ect which I have got in such a bad habit of doing. The other issue I have is the anxiety has become me and its on my mind 24/7, everything I do throughout my day is measured against my anxiety even though I work full time and have a full social life, I’m just hoping eventually my focus on myself will begin to lift and I can start to “forget” about it.


  348. Andrew Says:


    Thanks as well, just scrolled up and seen your reply!


  349. rosemary Says:


    You said you were doing a post on DP.I am confused in my mind if I am suffering with DP or with mild depression. Just feel so “gutted all the time” sometimes I feel like I have no control over my thoughts as they are so instant. I know there are good times ahead of me but at this moment i see no light. I really dont have any worries in my life at the moment just my worry about my worry. That is my whole problem (nothing else) I have this really strange feeling on me and it covers my chest and stomach. It comes as soon as I wake and stays most of the day.The best part is by evening its almost gone and i feel a real release of my constant (what feels like)24/7 thinking and nausesa. I’m in my head all day and when i chill out in the evening I fall into the present moment, great tv or conversation and do not think about me or how i felt that day. I just feel CONTENT. Everything is so calm in the evening. I may very rarely think of something a bit scary llike loosing a loved one but straight away i CAN dismiss it from my mind and do not dwell on such things.Why dwell on things that have not happened. Just have this constant knot in my stomach and nothing seems normal in my life. I dont get that “Friday feeling” anymore if you know what I mean. I am just going through the motions.I go out lots,go to work,do a little bit of keep fit, it all feels strange and uncomfortable and not natural.Part of me does it because I do enjoy elements of it and the other because I think I should. I MUST NOT sit around doing nothing. I have a fantastic family and husband,i feel like i must be a real bore to be with feeling glum all the time although they never suggest that,ever. He just doesnt understand or even try to but he does give me lots of space. I am now worrying that I am spending too much time on this site but reading this site or your book daily is a great source of comfort. I do not take medication but I do see this site as my Pick me up, my medication. I do have good afternoons and when things are good i do not feel the need to visit the site. I am learning to accept anxiety although thats easier said than done when the days are bad. I am up and down liked a yo yo. Feeling numb and getting more confused about my feelings. Any answers would be greatly appreciated. I worry that I cant be on my own, that I cant cope as i will get really low and lonley but hey thats when i get the chance to come onto this site with no one here to question me. Am I depressed or is it DP. I really dont know. Help anyone who can answer or suggest any thing.

  350. Candie Says:

    Rosemary sounds to me asif you are just a bit flat because of the introspection and anxiety worries. Iv been there, dont worry about it- its just a symptom :)

  351. Teresa J Says:

    Rosemary – i wouldn’t worry too much about using this site to get better. As long as deep down you know the reason for whatever is bothering you, which is anxiety, if you need a bit of reassurance it’s not the end of the world – it may stop a lot of tension of worrying and wondering. I know there are concerns that we could be using it as a crutch and not really leaving go – but to be honest you will leave go for longer and longer periods but I find if i have lost the ‘idea’ or ‘gist’ that it is better to remind myself on here or through the book than to try and struggle through. Your feelings will change, moods change and your attitude towards yourself will too – just don’t ask too much of yourself, it’s all anxiety. Accepting is hard but it does come away in layers.

  352. marc Says:

    albert and carrie,

    thanks for the advice, im doing my best accepting the D.P and emotion numbness, but sometimes anxiety likes to play its tricks by putting rubbish in my head-”why do we accept this?” ”is accepting going to make me better” ”is acceptance real”…this kind of rubbish but doing my best to get along with it and just go about my day! still have to get pauls book, ill have 2 remember 2 put some dosh on d card tomorrow to order it! :)

  353. marc Says:

    albert/carrie and andrew

    thanks albert and carrie for the advise, doing my best to try and accept the D.P and emotion numbness, but anxiety even likes to play its tricks there-”is accepting going to really work” ”what is acceptance?” ”is acceptance real?” ”am i real?!?!?” all this kind of nonsense but i know it will eventually fade. and cheers albert, its really reassuring to hear that these 2 symptoms are usually the last before recovery! :) fingers crossed that itll come sooner rather than later!!! but i have faith it will seeing as iv overcome the disturbing/weird thougts and the panic attacks are fading now as well! :)

    as for the disturbing thoughts, this is for andrew… andrew what you are thinking and feeling at the moment is completely normal! all it is is anxiety playing its tricks! u name it man iv thought it-violent/sexual/horrible thoughts and all about the ones closet to me, which led me to think-”god why am i thinking this?!” ”am i mentally ill?!” and i used to try and avoid having these thoughts, i would intentionally avoid my family by staying in my room, avoiding going on nights outs with friends! and i thought one day ”right! i cant live on like this! i am better that this!” and i confronted the thoughts by moving towards them, and everytime they would come, i would just say to myself-”this is just a stupid insignificant thought that is going to cause no harm!”…. its like what my mum said to me a few years back when i went through my first phase of anxiety- i told her what i was thinking and was afraid that i was going to crack up and act out these thoughts because i was afraid that i would lose control, she said-”well when you think these thoughts you feel horrified and disgusted and a slight bit panicky dont you? well then, if you were going mad you wouldnt get the feeling of disgust now would you???mad people dont know theyre going mad, they have no concious of it! what you are thinking and feeling is completly normal when going through anxiety”

  354. lorryt Says:


    i felt like that a lot, and made a conscious decision not to come on here for a day or so , and you know what it didnt affect me.i thought i couldnt live without coming on here for support. so i tested myself and thought how bad can it be if i dont use the site for a day or two?. i proved that i could do it and let go, and thats what i needed to do , i know i still visit from time to time and still need the odd kick up the jacksy !. it is within us to recover, nothing is gonna happen to us its the anxiety playing its tricks. i ithnk its just realising that i need to let go and stop holding on to thoughts that arent real 1 i know its tricky but you are doing so well and are proving to yourself you can recover. keep on keeping on xxxxx

  355. rosemary Says:

    Thanks again Candie, Teresa.J and Lorryt

    It just helps me to know someone is here waiting to talk if i need them,it really is a stress reliever for me. I am off to work soon and have a busy, busy day ahead of me.I plan to have a good one and I hope everyone on this site has a good one too. Everyone on here is amazing and I am really grateful I found this site. Although my last posting was very flat I know I have moved on loads since reading Pauls book and visiting this site,sometimes I just lose sight of the progress I have made and on a bad day dont seem to be able to remind myself..hey ho

  356. Teresa J Says:

    Rosemary – I think that last line, ‘I just lose sight of the progress I have made and on a bad day don’t seem to be able to remind myself..’ just about sums up a lot of us on the recovery road – loads of progress but when the anxiety gets the upper hand it ‘s very difficult to listen to a positive voice of your own or even to create that positive voice. That’s why it’s so helpful to have someone you believe tell you it’s ok, been there and it will change. I believe that in time you will become that voice yourself – just takes a bit of time, and differing levels of support for different people. Then eventually we have to take the advice and swim for a while, lol – even if it means a few splashes, you keep going until you get used to it all – and then if needed come back for help or to give it. Like you i am so grateful for this site. Hope the day went well.

  357. Rachael Says:

    Returning to the original theme of this post, which was tips and tricks, I got a really great one from my boyfriend the other day I wanted to share. He advised me to literally talk to my body when anxiety hits – sounds crazy but I’ve found saying a little ‘ok, I see you’re getting worked up now, increasing my heart rate and making me a little dizzy, cos I’ve taught you to do that. But really it’s ok you don’t need to react in this situation’ really helps! Doesn’t disappear symptoms completely of course but helps me restore a bit of rationality. Hope some of you find it helpful.

  358. lorryt Says:

    totally get it rachel, just have a quiet word with yourself , my hubby often does when he finds it all kicking in. just helps to build that reassurance in to yourself. like the analgy teresa j, its true we have to learn, its a slow progres for some of us but others can find it quickly. i am one of the slow ones but i am sooooo getting there ! x have a great day.x

  359. Amy Says:

    Hi everyone

    I have not been on this site I think perhaps for 2 years now. I haven’t been on since because I’ve now recovered and thought I’d pop in to give you all a bit of encouragement as sometimes when people recover they might not come back to tell you their story.

    So I read Paul’s book 3 years ago and it was a bible for me when I was going through my severe anxiety. What Paul says about being kept in a cycle is so true-all you feel and think about is anxiety. You need to break that cycle..easier said than done right? Yeah it is, but it’s 100% possible. However anxiety and depression are often ways of telling you that you need to change yourself or your situation/environment. There are 3 ways to deal with stress – change yourself, your situation or walk away from it.

    For me diet was so important. Steady blood sugars are paramount to making us feel better. When you have rocky blood sugars (many stressed, tense people can suffer from hypoglycaemia), we feel anxiety, low mood, emotional etc. Try eating regularly – no sugar and definitely have breakfast and supper as well as your other normal meals and snacks. If you find breakfast a hard one , like I did with crippling anxiety tummy, try a few spoonfuls of natural yoghurt to get you going. Morning is the most important.

    Anyway, that’s just a few notes from me. My brother who also suffered from anxiety in the past and read Paul’s book has also recovered and we never talk about anxiety anymore. It’s all in the past. It’s waiting for all of you too. Life is out there , go get it!

  360. Jess H Says:

    Hello all i have not written on here for a while but thought i would post iv just come back from holiday and have not felt anxious at all i felt completely free, but as i ahve come back i have started to feel slightly anxiuos again, although definatly not as bad……….. does anyone ahve any sugestions as to why this has happened??? as its quite frustrating although i am trying to not give it much thought!!!!!
    also soemtimes i cant explain how i feel like sometimes i no i feel normal and my old self but this is the main point i am struggling with, is why cant i explain how i feel , sometimes i try to tell my sister how i feel but cant explain, like sometimes i feel down low wierd but cant really grasp whether i actually feel like that, strange i no. I also read an earlier post which i would like to know if anyone has any answers…… i am struggling with understanding when i feel dizzy or have a headache or strange feeling i cant determine whether this is anxiety or a normal everyday emaotion that other people get???? how do i stop associating things with anxiety, like for instance i get a headache or feel dizzy and i worry that this is in my mind and is anxiety when it could just be a normal day feeling…… does anyone else feel like this????

    Also one more bit of advise i need,,,,,, how do you know when your fully recovered??? like i have come so far and most days are free of anxiety and i can not think of it at all but then other days i have a small unknwon feeling that i am unsure whether this is anxiety or not!!!!! i am confused as whether these feelings will be with me for life or whether this is the ;ast stage of anxiety and i am near the end.

    So soory for the long post lots of questions and in need of some advice….. kind regards to everyone and keep smiling!!!!!

    Jess xxx

  361. Gus Says:

    Hey everyone, Been reading posts off and on for a year and a half now and cannot tell you how much Paul and everyone else has helped. I hadn’t realized just how far I had come until a few days ago when I had what I would call the start of a panic attack. In “the old days” it would have sent me spiraling. I would have dwelt on it and not been able to let it go. I was able to stop it before it did any real harm. Just accepted the feeling and before I knew it was gone. I did however become aware of how my body reacted to the adrenaline rush and cannot believe how I put up with the physical toll of 24/7 anxiety. That short episode wore me out. I Knew I had come far in my recovery but had not realized just how much of a difference between severe anxiety and “normal” was. I don’t know when I obtained this ability to stop an attack and I don’t care. Somewhere down the line It came to me and it’s so liberating to have this “power”. Its almost like being two different people looking at myself start to freak out and being able give myself advice. Its amazing how much change anxiety does to your real self. When I was at my worst with this I never thought I would ever get back to normal. I don’t know how close to normal I am but I can live like this. What got me to almost panic was a physical symptom that I can’t shake. Its a new one. One I am having trouble dismissing. I don’t know if it’s something I have to live with (not caused by anxiety) or is it anxiety related. I have been normal for a few months and feel I’ve given my nerves a much needed break. Is it normal for physical symptoms to haunt you at the end of your recovery?

  362. rosemary Says:

    Teresa J

    Thanks again. Yes I had a good day yesterday, felt relaxed best part of the day with just a couple of fleeting moments of “oh am I going to cope” “oh I feel panicky” but that passed and I enjoyed the day. Are you recovered Teresa? If so how long did u suffer and how long to recovery? I think I just need reassurance that recovery is a REAL thing and achievable by us all. I feel very positive today so hope its going to be another good one. Onward and upward. I know deep in my soul that recovery is possible because I do have good evenings and spells during the day where things feel a little calmer so am therefore “getting there”. One thing I am sure of is that I am starting to dismiss other peoples worries as I used to take everyones issues on board and worry for them. How foolish.I care about people but I dont need their worries. I have my own LOL Hope everyone one has a better day today.
    PS Hi Lorryt,hope things are getting easier for you and that you have a happy day, you sounded positive in your above post. Sending you a smile:-)

  363. marc Says:

    hey guys,

    hope everyone is doing ok today! :) just though id give a couple of tips which are essential for recovery, the main one i think everybody seems to either dismiss or just simply forget about is NUTRITION. nutrition is vital to promote certain hormones which are essential to give a boost when were are suffering with anxiety/depression i.e- SEROTONIN( calming nuero-transmitter important to the maintenance of ‘good mood’), DOPAMINE(needed for healthy assertiveness and sexual arousal,proper immune and automatic nervous system function), MELATONIN( Melatonin is a natural hormone made by the human body which helps to regulate sleep and the body’s natural rhythms) etc…… i myself find that these three hormones are essentially the most important to give a boost when suffering from anxiety!!!
    Great food sources for all three are- brown rice, cottage cheese, meat, fish, peanuts, seasame seeds, dairy products, almonds, avocadoes, bananas, oranges,lima beans,pumpkin seeds,lettuce,green peppers, peas and many many more!!!!!
    Good supplements are- vivioptol(contains many B vitamins,chromium, folic acid etc), 5 HTP( contains tryptophan which is an essential amino acid to boost serotonin, plus has been proven in test that it is 70% more effective than anti-depressants!!!), omega 3’s nad again many many more!!!

    and for those that are taking medication id seriously reccommend this book- ‘food is better medicine than drugs’ by patrick holford and jerome burne. its a real eye opener to see just how ludacris and blind the pharmaceutical companies and the majority of G.P’s are towards anxiety/depression and give you far better and healthier alternatives.

    im a personal trainer so if anyone has any questions or need a bit of advice on exercise/nutrition regarding anxiety im more than happy to help! :) because i myself am going through this hell at the moment!! fortunatly the disturbing/scary thoughts have faded for me and the panic attacks are starting to diminish. but doing my best now to deal with D.P and emotional numbness and the weirdness feelings! :)

  364. Olivia Says:

    I am 24 years of age and have suffered from anxiety and panic disorder since I was 8. Although it was not really diagnosed until I was about 16, in which I was then placed on medication and have been on ever since. It was my last choice and option.

    It is so deteriorating and majority of people do not understand the effect it has on your life. I am so grateful that there seems to be a community (on this website) who wants to help others with the use of their own experiences.

    I would say I have had good and bad years, good and bad days, and then good and bad moments. I have never ever been rid of anxiety, but the days were once further apart then they are now.

    I cannot remember my life before I stressed and panicked, which then makes me so angry at the fact that I feel I have not lived yet a ‘normal life’.

    It is really hard when you feel like no one understands what you are going through, and it is so sad that people who don’t suffer feel as though this is not a real illness or take it seriously.

    I believe one of the most important things is to find someone who understands and actually gets it. For many of you it may be this website, which I think is amazing. That person for me, was my Mum because she suffered from panic/anxiety/depression for a long time.

    Paul I only came across this site an hour ago and already I have pieced together so much and am looking forward to ordering and reading your book.
    I first began showing symptoms when I was 8 and this is when my mum first got diagnosed with cancer. 2 months ago she passed away, and i feel like I’m 8 all over again. It doesn’t take a genius to work out why I am feeling the way I am feeling right now, I know it all stems from my Mum. I feel like this is never going to stop. I really do not want to have to go right back to the beginning.

    Although I have suffered for a long time, between the age of 8 and now I have always stayed positive, but now it seems that positivity has left me and all I see is ahead is negative.

  365. lorryt Says:

    hi there

    am finding it extremely hard to cope with the positive attitude today when all around me are very negative and its bringing me down. i am strugglign anyway at the mo without having added pressures of life work etc. i am trying to support my hubby but am becoming increaingly anxious about him and his lack of work and his depression. my thoughts spiral and i get whats the point of it all and so on etc. i am going to go out and take the kids out all day and try and forget about it all but i just want to cry about things, think am feeling really low and dispondent about stuff. dont want to get caught up in the spiral of it all again , sort of everything is shaking m e today .slightest thing and i get so angry and upset! xx sorry to go on btu need to get it out . will tryand continue with a good moodxx

  366. rosemary Says:

    HI Lorryt
    I know that its great to get it out of your system just by writing on here. Go and have a good day,you KNOW U CAN. Its no surprise you feel a little off beat you are having a worrying time at present.Things will sort themselves out. Enjoy yourday with your children, I know its hard but keep on going.SMILES

  367. Mark R Says:

    Hi all,

    Just a quick update. Not posted in a while as Ive been feeling loads better. I am having a bit of a blip the last few days, I can pinpoint the reasons why.

    Basically 2 months ago to improve my concentration at work I asked to be put into a quieter room, this improved my work life no end. I was able to sink into my work and not worry about myself. This in turn improved my home life, enjoying weekends more. I could go hours at a time without thinking about anxiety.

    Ive had a turbulant time the last few days as work have told me to go back into my main office, which is open plan. I am finding this difficult in terms of concentration and I am getting frustrated even more.

    Today I have come home after having a stressful morning dealing with a grievence procedure I raised due to the above and also feeling really sick all morning (think I had something bad to eat). This obviously having an effect on my stress levels and anxiety. I just cant stop crying at all.

    Sorry to seem so negative, but when you feel loads better and a blip/setback hits you its quite hard to take.

  368. Rachael Says:

    Candie – if you have a sec would really appreciate your thoughts on something.

    You wrote a good point above about anxiety moving from one focus to the next: “honestly what you described was me totally, i used to think if i could just forget this thought, or get rid of this feeling i would be happy” – which completely makes sense.

    I torture myself in this way but by being obsessed with my looks and particularly my skin (my anxiety was originally triggered when I got a horrible rash on my face) and the belief that anxiety’s making me look horrific. I think ‘if only that little red patch would go I’d be happy’, then soon as it does, I notice something else. And it seems to me like this new thing has just appeared. Most recently my skin cleared totally up and looked great, and lo and behold I ‘notice’ that I’ve got lines, which my boyfriend assures me everyone has and have been there a while, but in my head they’re new and I’ve got some terrible aging condition and I’m just terrified at whats going to happen to my skin next!

    Does it make sense that I’m just noticing one little fault after the other? And anxiety’s blowing it up and making me believe it’s new/is far worse than it is?

    Would really appreciate your objective view and sensible advice!
    Many thanks,

  369. Mark R Says:

    Hi Racheal,

    Have you ever read anything by Richard Carlson?

    One of the things he mentions is that when we are low we are only capable of producing negative thoughts – which in turn produces negative feelings.

    When you feel anxious, you are certainly feeling low and your mind is procucing all kinds of crappy thoughts about your skin. It doesn’t mean you have to take them seriously.

  370. Diana Says:

    Hi, there. I have been away for a while, and am just checking in. Let me just say this about negative thoughts. Negative thoughts change into negative feelings when we have a tired mind. If your mind is rested and you have been taking care of yourself by giving your brain a break from worry, you will be able to dismiss negative thoughts easily and quickly. But if your mind is tired from the relentless cycle of worry and adrenaline, you will find it much more difficult to dismiss the thoughts and they can cycle you down. The best advice I can give is that when you find yourself having a negative thought, give yourself a little break. Stop thinking for five minutes. Stretch your neck and your arms. Close your eyes. Relax. Focus on your breathing and then keep going doing whatever you were doing. It does not always work but it can! Remember, a lot of anxiety is adrenaline and if you can calm yourself down and focus on your breathing and nothing else, your adrenaline does not have a chance. Change your focus away from your negative thought to something outside yourself. Breathe through all the weird sensations and the worry attached to them. THey won’t hurt you. They will dissipate if you change your focus.

    I still get knocked up side the head with weird thoughts but I know they will pass. I am so far ahead of a year ago – but of course this is something we are all in for the long haul and there are occasional moments that I get tripped up — but if I really think about those moments, they happen when I am tired, have not taken good care of myself, and have pushed my tired mind too much. As soon as i get appropriate rest and relax my mind, the anxiety goes away. I know this now, and can deal with it very easily.

    Hi, Paul :) I am sorry I needed to take a long break, but I’ll be popping in now an then. I had so much happening here at the B/B – all is ok though. Hope you are well, my friend.

  371. Mike Says:

    Just for those confused about what DP is. These are the sympotoms. And you WILL know if you have them as they are terrifying, until you learn to accept them.

    overanalyzing your body
    delayed perception of your voice so it doesn’t sound like you
    little emotions
    feeling robotic
    feeling like you’re the only person in the world, just observing everything as it goes by slowly

    You deal with it just by realizing that it’s not serious, and comes from obsessive thoughts about your self and then move on doing activities, fun stuff. Just know that nothing has changed except your perception. And you can change that too…back to normal, in time.

  372. Mike F. Says:

    Is it common for those who’ve suffered with anxiety for so long to have forgotten what it feels like to be normal?

  373. Mike F. Says:

    Also, one thing I don’t understand is why, on the one hand I am now having more and more better days, feeling better than I have since before my anxiety began (though nowhere near 100%), but on other days my anxiety is worse than it ever has been. How can I be getting better and worse at the same time? I realize I’m still fighting it, and I’m still trying to force recovery too much I guess, but its very confusing.

  374. Mike Says:

    Mike F,

    It is hard to imagine ever feeling normal again. I know what you mean, but I regularly think about the times that I felt normal as if to convince myself that it is possible to be that way again. You might want to try remembering times you felt fine. It can be encouraging.

  375. Mark R Says:

    Hi Mike F,

    I have suffered in the past and recovered again, this is my 3rd bout/setback of anxiety. The reason this has not hit me as hard as the others is that I know I can recover and ‘feel’ normal again.

    But as Paul reiterates, the feeling of ‘normality’ doesn’t exist. When you are healthy you just get on with your day and your life in general and it is only when there is an issue……ie stress, anxiety, organic illness that we begin to notice how we feel. As time goes on and the anxiety reduces you will begin to take interest in other things other than the way you are feeling and it will be in the past.

    In terms of why you feel fine one min and bad the next, well this is life really. It deals us some knocks sometimes, Ive been feeling okay the last 2 months, not 100% but okay. Because of some work stress and a stomach bug over the last few days I’ve noticed I felt more anxious and my DP was worse. These times/setbacks/blips pass, but its a good indicator that you are starting to feel better otherwise you wouldnt have noticed that you felt worse!

    Mark R

  376. Davidina Says:

    Hi Diana – great to hear from you again – You helped me so much in the initial stages and helped me to understand what I was feeling. I took some great tips from Teresa J about chipping away at a brick (originally from Candie, I think), and I am doing a litttle better. So glad you are mostly well—Love D.

  377. Paul David Says:

    Hi Diana, Glad to see you popping back in, we all need a break from here at times, it really refreshes you. I hope you and the B&B is doing well, you helped so many people with good advice in the past and I am sure many are very grateful.

    I have started the new post and changed away from D.P. this I promise will be my next post for all those waiting. Just a lot happening this end at the moment and I keep getting sidetracked, but I promise the post will be up today or tomorrow. And hi to all the new faces on here, everyone is welcome and I hope the place helps and a big thank you to all those who are now in a position to help and advise, the place would not work without you.


  378. marc Says:

    mike or paul,

    just wondering is one of my symptoms a sign of D.P or something else, would really be helpful if i got a little closure on it…. the main thing thats bothering me at the moment is that im constantly concious of nearly everything! for example- talking to someone ”is talking real?” ”is this language real?” ”does this exist?” or watching something funny on tv- if i laugh a little ”why did i laugh?” ”why do we all laugh?” ” does laughing exist?”……and then from these questions comes along a huge feeling of weirdness that i find so weird and complex that i can barely explain it!!!!!! then from that leads the question- ”will i ever be able to function properly again ie-emotions, everyday situations, without all these questions and conciousness?”!!!!

    wud really help if someone can explain to me what this is!

    marc :)

  379. scarlet Says:

    Marc, Sounds like anxiety to me. You are over-analysing every feeling, emotion, thought, that’s all and this is very common when suffering anxiety. I had exactly what you describe as well, but it will subside when you learn to not give an weight to these thoughts, to be able to brush them off, and not feel the need to analyse them beyond the initial thought itself. Try and adopt the 5 min time out approach Diana mentioned above to give your mind a wee break and settle it down. I think this a great idea. And yes you will be able to function properly again without all the analysing, I can vouch for it.


    Diana, Nice to hear from you :-)

  380. scarlet Says:

    Just to add Marc, I found it helpful when irrational questions (to myself) arose, such as “does laughing exist?, do I exist, is life real?’ to say to myself “who cares” and let the thought pass without delving any further. This is how you break the cycle and which eventually leads to normal thinking…

  381. Gail Says:

    Just wondering if any women have any advice on how to deal with the anxiety that comes with the monthly cycle.

    Do we continue to deal with the anxiety the same way?

    Been having an anxiety-filled week, with muscle aches that come about when I’m anxious, and really tired, and lots of worries.


  382. Heidi Says:

    Hi guys,

    Just popping in to say hello, I have been doing so much better lately, no longer panicking, and not really fearful of anything anymore, I re-read Pauls book a few times because it just wasn’t sticking. But I think I finally got the hang of it. I don’t really feel anxious anymore, still dealing with a few negative thoughts here and there, I feel as if the hard part is over, but now I think I’m left feeling depressed from how overwhelming it all was. I’m so “blah” all the time, and I’m never really excited about anything anymore, I feel as if this anxiety forced me to grow up a bit too fast, and changed me, I used to be a happy and careless, and now I’ve felt such horrible feelings and I take everything too seriously, and I can’t seem to be truly happy anymore, is this the last hurdle of anxiety? Or have I become depressed? I seem to be okay when I’m with friends, but as soon as I’m home alone I become sad. Did anyone else go through anything of this sort?

  383. jess Says:

    Hi Heidi,
    Im probaly in the same spot as you are, and yeah i feel really depressed at times, and don’t look forward to things like i used to. But i know this will pass, my body is just trying hard to get back to normal so just give urself time accept it and try and keep moving ( and smiling ) i just keep myself busy and make sure i spend lots of time with my friends and family. Just do the best you can at the moment and try and keep urself doing as much normal things as possible. If you are home alone and your mind starts racing, put some music on and have a weee dance around. I feel that makes me feel really good, or go out for a walk and let the sun hit your face! that feels great but everybody is different. This will pass heidi, you just need to be patient and accept.

    Hope that helps a wee bit

    and main point you are not alone, remember that.



  384. jess Says:

    p.s. people without anxiety have bad days, we are just more sensitive to our feelings that we notice it more often


  385. rosemary Says:


    I can relate to all that u are saying. I feel I have improved loads and even though i feel a little on edge i now feel i can cope with things so much easier than i did a year ago. Still have the odd blip but thats just memory and habit.Sort of a quick reminder to me about how poorly i have been. I too like to be with people and company as it takes my mind off me and do not like being on my own as I feel really lonely and have too much time to think. Having said that, sometimes I like to have short spaces of time for myself which is when i come onto this site for a quick pick me up. It just hellps to read that I am not alone in my feelings. I do however feel quite low,numb and a bit emotionless alot of the time,i just think to myself not to dwell on it and just carry on. I do think this is the last feeling to go.
    I now find that a have fleeting moments of very nice positive thoughts like, I am going to book a holiday, oh how wonderful my family are and so on, its strange but those feelings are great, happy and positive.They makeme feel comfortable and relaxed.They come and go where as recently i didnt have them at all.Its me looking into the future with positive mood. Love it. Hope that helps a little bit Heidi.

  386. sasha Says:

    Hi Friends,

    Pls help me on this….Paul, Scarlet or anyone..

    i can say now that i am almost off the hook..and i can feel almost normal at all times..but my worry is the attittude of mine which brought me into this when my mind has gotten out of thinking about ‘ME’ all the time it started off with an attittude which was in me always and which i want to get rid of from my life forever— thinking in other people’s perspective..i want to help myself.
    i never knew this before i fell into this pit..the reason for me being depressed all the time..
    i want to just think for myself with an open mind when i am saying or doing something but i just cant..and i am never able to talk for myself..hence leading me to depression,low self esteem . i am not able to get out of prejudiced thoughts and beliefs of other people..i dont want to know what they think but unfortunately my mind is just atuned to feel what they think without being able to think in a rational way..

    Pls help…i am not able to even talk freely because of this…is this also anxiety? where should i change myself?
    Any suggestions are welcome..

  387. rosemary Says:

    HI Paul David

    Looking forward to reading your post. What is it on??? Again thanks so much for this site it is sooooooooo helpful.

  388. sasha Says:


    i feel the root of anxiety is the constant feeling to fix everything no matter what..rather than being in the situation and facing things as and when they appear…thinking of alternate methods how to avoid it, how to face it rather than just be there..
    we are not sure most of the time about our emotions because we have high levels of adrenaline in our body and we tend to overreact to every thought and situations..our thoughts just wander endlessly..i feel if it goes endlessly , bring it to the current moment and focus on that..this helped me to get rid of uncomfortable situations.
    but right now what i am facing is similar to what Heidi and Jess said..not being able to get out of that depressed state of mind..wherein the mind is filled with hopelessness..there is no precise thoughts but a general low key its easy for my mind to see negativity in everything..

    if i keep myself busy all the time i may feel OK but i dont want it had become a habit to keep doing things to avoid feeling uncomfortable..the moment i dont have anything to do my mind wanders and find something to worry about and get anxious….
    i am thinking of a situation i would be able to tackle those feeling even when i am sitting without doing feel relaxed and normal…
    so i am just welcoming all those bad feelings …to see if it just fades away…

    is this the last hurdle? just curious to know…right now my mind is strong that it gives me ample reasons not to do the things i am a little hesitant to do and my mind is nto able to come up with one reason that i should do..! Hmmm…it feels like i should feel bad..dont know why..i realised one thing nobody is responsible for this..except for my own mind generating unwanted thoughts…
    Paul…would like to know the last stage in detail how it all unravels…open the doors to a clear mind without anxiety..would like to know if tahts ur post on…

  389. sasha Says:


    i feel the root of anxiety is the endless need to fix everything no matter what..rather than being in the situation and facing things as and when they appear…thinking of alternate methods how to avoid it, how to face it rather than just be there..
    we are not sure most of the time about our emotions because we have high levels of adrenaline in our body and we tend to overreact to every thought and situations..our thoughts just wander endlessly..i feel if it goes endlessly , bring it to the current moment and focus on that..this helped me to get rid of uncomfortable situations.
    but right now what i am facing is similar to what Heidi and Jess said..not being able to get out of that depressed state of mind..wherein the mind is filled with hopelessness..there is no precise thoughts but a general low key its easy for my mind to see negativity in everything..

    if i keep myself busy all the time i may feel OK but i dont want it had become a habit to keep doing things to avoid feeling uncomfortable..the moment i dont have anything to do my mind wanders and find something to worry about and get anxious….
    i am thinking of a situation i would be able to tackle those feeling even when i am sitting without doing feel relaxed and normal…
    so i am just welcoming all those bad feelings …to see if it just fades away…

    is this the last hurdle? just curious to know…right now my mind is strong that it gives me ample reasons not to do the things i am a little hesitant to do and my mind is nto able to come up with one reason that i should do..! Hmmm…it feels like i should feel bad..dont know why..i realised one thing nobody is responsible for this..except for my own mind generating unwanted thoughts…
    Paul…would like to know the last stage in detail how it all unravels…open the doors to a clear mind without anxiety..would like to know if tahts ur post on…

  390. sasha Says:

    sorry that was an error that the msg got posted twice..

  391. marc Says:


    thanks for the advice! really apreciate it! :) tryin my best at d mo but i know ill get there! such a good help this site! cant wait to get pauls book!

  392. Wayne Says:

    It has been one year since I had my first major anxiety attack after I went running which resulted in hospitalization. I have had a tough year but this site has helped me so much and I am 90% recovered. I marked my 1 year anniversary by going running.

    I ran the same distance and the weather was hot just like last year. I ran the 4.5 miles with a few wondering thoughts. I am so glad I did this and was determined to enjoy the run and let any feelings just happen. I know this is a process and I have a ways to go but I am on the right track.

  393. ross Says:

    hey everyone looig for some advice…

    does your nutrition and diet affect your anxiety??

    should i be quittin alcohol altogether? i drink wen i socialise , should i avoid certain foods that will increase my anxiety??

  394. ross Says:

    anybody elses anxiety get brought on by having thoughts of dying , wat happens e.t.c??

    im doin well with most scary thoughts just letting them be there but this 1 always makes me anxious

  395. rosemary Says:

    HI everyone
    Hope you are all well.

    HEIDI, I think I am in exactly the same place as you. I go out and do all the things I used to but never with being completely “comfortable” about things. Always sort of on edge because I feel blank in my mind, not relaxed.
    When I am out with friends or family I find myself saying to myself, “I should be enjoying this, I always used to love doing this, why does it feel so DULL?” “Why cant I pick my mood up?” I find it difficult to look forward to things or just be settled, I just feel that I have come so far through this and I need this feeling of “NUMB” to go. I just feel “fed up and low” Having said that I do feel really happy in certain circumstances (when with friends,exercising, cinema etc) Sometimes I feel low and think I just cant be bothered to go out I wont enjoy it and will feel rubbish but I keep going and most of the time I feel 99% settled and fairly content.I CAN and DO enjoy myself almost back to the old me but in the morning I feel horrible again. I still find mornings the most unsettling for me but can definately say my level of anxiety has dropped dramatically. I dont climb the walls anymore. I know that nothing will happen to me if I go out, except maybe feel a lttle uncomfortable with my feelings but I have coped so many times this shouldnt be a problem to me anymore. I still do the pretending thing so my family dont know how I really feel and sometimes I think this is the best as they all treat me so normally.

    GILL:I think I am pre menaupasal and I just deal with everything in the same way as in Pauls book. Lets not seperate the symptoms and confuse things,just go with the flow.

    If anyone has any ideas on picking up mood, other than the things I am already doing please let me know. I excersise,eat well and socialise. Is this me coming to the end of a very long road of recovery, if so anyone who dealt with this LOW feeling, for how long and does it go completely?? Needing some reassurance PLEASE

  396. rosemary Says:


    I have that low feeling too. Its for no reason its just there. (sort of habit) I do think that we have been through such an awful time it takes time to get to the end, Its just another sympton that will go in time, I do believe that anxiety does disappear like layers, thats certainly how it feels to me. All the horrible feelings mental and pysical are going one by one. Just this last feeling of being unhappy, no excitment about anything, no motivation, just dull. But I will keep on keeping on and it will pass. I think it seems worse because we have got through so much its frustrating that it wont JUST GO. As I am always being told PATIENCE..its hard but I WILL get there. Thye last layer is always the most protective ehh

  397. Simon Says:

    Can anyone shed a light on my problems!! Please

    I have had clinical depression for 18month now and have had verious therapy and meds to which have not realy helped. I came across this site and Paul’s book a couple of weeks ago and having read the book I now feel that I have anxiety and not depression after all. OK I am depressed but am I depressed because of the way I am thinking and my biggest habbit is wanting to be the person I used to be, happy go lucky, mildly confindent and a bit of a joker (sometimes). I am not this person anymore and every day I cry (yes cry) out of frustation of not being who I was. I over analys, over think, get anxious about everything (and I mean everything) how silly does this sound but I get anxious about people living a normal life, having everyday conversation. It’s like I am jelous of everything and everyone because I want to be me again. My last therapist told me to ACT AS IF… I did try this, still get tearfull moments, actually went 1 whole week without tears and It felt quite good…. but……. It’s all come back again. I sit reading all these posts mainly through tears in my eye’s. DO I HAVE TO ACT HAPPY IN ORDER TO GET OVER THIS OR AM I DOING IT ALL WRONG. I am at a complete loss

    Please can anyone help

  398. Isiah Says:

    @ simon

    I’m going through the same thing bro. I keep obsessing about being who i use to be and pretty much cry daily. I feel like i’ll be this way forever. I watch tv programs just wishing i could go back to being like them. Stressing “Real problems” like money issues and what are we going to eat tonight type stuff.

    I know nothing is wrong with me but can’t convince myself otherwise. It’s a feeling i can’t describe. I definitely know where your coming from. TRUST ME…

  399. Simon Says:

    @ Isiah

    Thanks for the reply mate… i’d like to say it’s good to know that it’s not just me but I suppose that’s unfair, more like a relief that it’s not just me.

    I know I am on the right path to recovery after reading Paul’s book, because it’s so unreal how much I can relate to his story and that of others. I know I have made good steps to recovery over the last few months, but no one explained to me like people on the blog do or what’s written in the book that up’s and downs can be expected and not to keep searching why. This is and was my biggest problem WHY? – But now I do understand WHY… all to do with taking on too much (some of which I am guilty of causing myself) and so when even I feel low which can be 80% of the day I look around me and ask “what have i got to change?” when all I need to do is actually change MY ATTITUDE. Again easier said than done due to being a thinker and habbits. Now I am questioning if reverse physcology would work? ANd yep I do believe it does because I can sometimes get out of “MY SPACE” and live and feel happy only to find that when I get a MOMENT (thought) I think this is never going to go away….sorry I am going on a bit, but I do actually feel that Paul has given me the answers that I need and everyone else on the site too. Putting things into practice is a little tough, but I truly beleive he has hit on something and I am determined to prove him correct (but not to fight to get there) more to be confident in my approach. As for the tears, they do come and go but now I try to pay little respect to them.

    Life is a state of mind….. I truly belive that we will get there pal

    Thank you

  400. candie Says:

    Simon, sounds like anxiety to me- but as Scarlet said before she had both like i did.. anxiety and depression, anyway there both caused by our reaction to our thoughts really and how we deal with stress and the negatives in life.

    You will become the person you once was, if you have been anxiety free before its inevitable with the right advice and application of it you will be well again. The biggest bit of advice i can give you is this- stop trying to force been well again.. your fighting with yourself daily, worryin why you cant be the person you was before. When you have this attitude it just keeps you stuck in the rut of anxiety and depression as if you push something away enough it sort of keeps panging back at you as your making a big deal out of it. If you was to tell yourself ‘well no i dont feel good like i used to but its ok, im not going to push this away im going to be ok with not feeling well and get on with things’. You dont have to say this to yourself mentally all the time, reminders are fine but its more of an attitude then anything. Once you have grasped been ok with how you feel you wont be on alert and focusing on pushing it away, your mind will automatically let other things in and you will start to notice things making you happy again. Excitement for things you once felt, love for people, gratitude etc. As this is building do the things you loved before anxiety, surround yourself with the people you love and slowly but surely the old you will return. If im honest though you wont notice any improvements, as its so gradual and you are losing your anxiety habit as time goes so your not on alert watching it 24/7. Then eventually it will click and you will see that anxiety never unfortunately landed upon you, you did it all yourself- reacting to yourself- but it doesnt matter how you got it, as you have retrained your brain to have more healthy positive habits of reaction throughout recovery so anxiety never lands on your door step again. Promise you this isnt just some disorder that randomly happened to you, your controlling the full thing.. sounds mad i know but its the truth.

  401. Simon in Devon Says:

    Hi all, Just found this website yesterday afternoo whilst in bed. I had been on the golfcourse about halfway round when i just could not take any more, i had shakes, palpatations dizziness, and a bloody good cry. I’ve really no idea why, couldn’t stop myself. So rushed home to the safety of my bed. I’ve had most of these type feelings / symptoms since end of July now, I was giving up smoking, using Champix. My Dad had a heart Attack end of may, re-mortgaged in June. I have always been a bit of a worrier, I have never had these symptons before, they seem to get worse. I get all day headaches, the back of my neck and shoulders get so tight. Been to Doctors loads, nothing wrong with me, a bit stressed one told me, too much alcohol the others. One has said the Champix i was taking has heightened my anxiety hence all this total and utter ensuing madness. Next week i am going to see a counsellor that i have been reffered to. My mother can’t believe i feel so ill, although i look so well?? Oh yeah in tyhe process of buying the business off my Father. One more peice of stress can’t hurt surley? Hope to feel better soon.

  402. Alissa Says:

    I need help so badly. I don’t even know if I am posting in the correct place but my mind will not focus and I’m not sure how to do what you’re explaining. I want so much to be rid of my anxiety and symptoms. I am willing to do anything. I understand that you are supposed to just let yourself have the feelings and accept them but I have no idea how to do that. My anxiety is so bad that I am physically sick, nausea, diarrhea, headaches, dizziness, faintness, hyperventilation. I have been dealing with it since I was 18 with no apparent reason for the onset. I am now 31 and found a doctor that seemed to understand my problem about a year and a half ago. He prescribed medication that has helped tremendously, usually it relieves all of my anxiety and panic attacks when I take it, sometimes I do have breakthrough episodes. I have always felt guilty about needing the medication though and want nothing more than to be ‘normal’. No one that I know suffers from this condition and I feel like no one understands just how bad it can be. I just recently found out I’m pregnant. Totally unexpected and unplanned.

    My husband (who is exceptionally wonderful and I cannot imagine my life without him) and I have been married for 12 years and didn’t plan on having children. One of the main reasons was because of my anxiety disorder. Since I found out I’m pregnant a few days ago my anxiety has been out of control. The first day I did okay and even called my doc to lower my dose of medication as it is not proven safe in pregancy, though I have researched it thoroughly and there are no proven cases of birth defects either. The first day of my lower dose I had a horrible episode after waking up from a 2 hr nap. I was severely anxious with horrible physical symptoms since that time. The medication takes the edge off but nothing like it used to. I also have the problem that the medication cannot be discontinued abrubtly due to risk of seizures and other serious side effects. I know that the anxiety and stress are horrible for my baby as well as the medication and I have no idea what to do. I want to be better and be a stronger person. I lost my job a couple weeks ago before I found out about being pregnant and don’t have insurance. I have seriously considered over the past few days anything that can help me deal with this. I have even thought…maybe I should have myself admitted to the hospital? I guess it’s a good thing I don’t have insurance or I’m sure that’s where I would be, although I have never gone to the hospital for anxiety since I was 18. I am so tired, I don’t sleep much at all, not eating much either, and I feel horrible about what this may be doing to my unborn baby. I just feel like a complete failure and so weak. I want to try the things you are talking about but I’m afraid of the effects on my pregnancy and my mind is so out of control I have a hard time understanding exactly what you mean by just letting the anxiety happen.

    I plan to order the book and hope it will help me through this time. I recently called and ordered a $500 program of cd’s from and info-mercial and then felt so guilty I called right back and cancelled. I just thought, if someone really had been through this and knew how awful and debilitating it is, why would they try to make such a huge profit from fellow sufferers. I spend way too much time reading on the internet (which my dr. has insisted that I stop) freaking myself out more and tonight I feel like I found this website for the first time for a reason, as I have been to most others several times. I am so grateful to you for sharing you experience and trying to help others without trying to get rich from it. I can see that you truly want to help people overcome this terrible disorder. I plan to go see my GP as soon as the office opens and hope he can offer me some relief other than medication. I plan to tell him about my interest in your method as well. He is very open to trying alternatives and very supportive. He is the first doctor to make me feel that he understands what I am going through and wants to help me overcome this and not just dismiss me like I am some crazy person taking up too much of his time. I do admit that I feel like I’m going crazy, spiraling downward at a fast rate. I thought I had the anxiety under control and this pregnancy, whether it be hormones, or just additional worry has been my undoing. I would appreciate any feedback from anyone on any ideas I can try to help take control of my mind back. I can’t live like this any longer. Please help me help myself. Thanks for listening.

  403. Mike Says:

    I first found out i had anxiety last summer and found out my father had suffered from it when he was my age, im 26 now and for the last year ive felt fine just like the normal old me then this summer i split up with my GF of 4yrs and have been stressing for the last few months which had brought on feelings of anxiety.
    I know how to cope with them better this time round as i exercise often and quit smoking a year ago, but it was nice to find this site just to remind myself that it is nothing to get worked up over and dont try to fight it as that will just add fuel to the fire. I think i just need to now not let stress turn into anxiety. thanks for listening.

  404. Davidina Says:

    I would like to thank Theresa J and Rachael for helping me the last time I posted. I have been chipping away at that brick Candie talked about. I am losing that jolt of adrenalin that I usually had when entering shops and when meeting people. Just feel a little anxious yet but trying not to think about it. Thoughts about certain things still bring on that stomach feeling, like butterflies and burning sensation. Trying to live in the moment. Just feel depressed at times, when all I usually felt was anxiety. Candie – I read all your posts and feel that I should know everything by now but it is so hard. I’m in to Paul’s book now for 5 months after suffering for 1 year beforehand. Are there any more tips you can give me. I feel when I smile and get on with things, I feel better. But it is all false. Thanks to all you guys out there who make me feel not so alone.

  405. Paulina Says:

    Hi there Paul and other members of this great site !

    I wrote in the other blog few days ago but I would love some advise from those that went through this awful thing.
    My story started with panic attacks about 5 months ago,,and for about 2 months ago it became anxiety 24/7. It was a horror movie. I wasnt googling anything until one day i just couldn’t hold it anymore and i googled my symptoms and the first page I arrived was here. I am sooo happy i did..

    I am so much better than three weeks ago.. but there are still a few things that I would love so feedback on

    My of my obssesive thinking is about my heart and health. I will be analysing what i eat because I will have thoughs of geting high colesterol, high blood sugar and then “what if” I get a heart attack. I have been trying to let the thoughs come but its been difficult not to pay attention to them.

    As a result, i’ve been kind of depressed. I want to cry very often and when I talk about it with the people that know about it.. I just get so sentimental and sad, and frustated.

    This is not me… I have never worried or obssesed about this kind of stuff and i feel as i am trapped in this dark cloud that has turned my life upside down.

    Thank you for reading.. and any good comments or feedback will be greatly welcome.

  406. AP Says:

    Ive just come through 2 years of anxiety and panic attacks and i am nearly back to the way i was before all this began.
    The first thing i did was get any serious ailments ruled out by going for a health check at the doctors. that in itself relived a lot of stress which helped initially. remember all that anxiety is is stress magnified causing feelings that cause anxiety which cause stress and the circle begins.

    After that i went to see a good nutritional expert. you will be surprised how much your diet can affect your feelings.
    i gave up all refined white carbs, sugar & cows milk and caffeine. The withdrawal symptoms i felt after this were akin to having bad anxiety attacks but i knew it would do me good in the long term so i stuck with it, it only lasted a few weeks.
    I had h pylori and Yeast infections after years of poor diet and these were eliminated using supplements and the fatigue started to subside.
    My blood sugar spiking and dropping would cause weird feelings of fatigue that would cause anxiety. supplements to regulate this helped a lot
    i gave up smoking and once again doing this will make you feel terrible for from a few weeks up to a few months as your body craves nicotine and fights for it.
    Finally i had my adrenal glands tested and found that i had low levels of cortisol which are also being regulated using supplements.
    i now feel better that i have done for along time and the panic attacks and anxiety have all but gone.

    all that remains is the inward daily thinking about how i feel, once i conquer this , and it is conquerable , i will be myself again. to do this im following a regime similar to those stated on here. ignore the feelings , don’t pay them any attention , they are all just bad memories of times when you have had anxiety or panic attacks previously. once you start to let them have no effect on you , they will, like all memories , fade.

    hope this helps someone out there

  407. evelyn Says:

    Hi Alissa:)
    As i was reading your story it, it memicked mine, word by word, look alissa i cannot really give you any advice as i myself am in recovery, everyday is getting better and better:) i have had really bad anxiety for about 7 months now, which now i am in a way better place, i am 28 years old but have had it since i was 17, but it hit me really hard 7 months ago, anyway you are in the best hands that you can ever be, this i promise you:) it will get better, i felt the same way like you, i truly felt i was loosing my mind!!! wooow but i now know the truth to so many question, i will give you the best advice that i can, for the mean time alissa, and i know it will seem fake at the begining or hard to do, just live alongside it, just for one day.. let the thoughts be there but this time lets change it up a bit, thaking the FEAR out!! know in the back of your mind that all you have is a simply tired mind, and with time it will get better, if you were truly mad , you would not be hear asking for help, because you would now be aware of trying to feel normal…


  408. Carrie Says:

    I was not sure where my post belongs, so I apologize if it should be in a different thread. I just wanted to ask for your help in identifying my symptom. I have been suffering from anxiety for the last few months and it has been revealing itself in different forms (including panic attacks, negative thought patterns, sadness, persistent weird thoughts, etc.), but what I am feeling now is new and hard to describe (tried explaining it to a specialist with little success). The best way I can describe it is that it seems weird to me that we exist as human beings. So even though I go through my days as I used to and do the same things I used to (to the extent the anxiety permits me), but I am constantly overwhelmed by this weird perception of the world. It’s not that I wonder why we exist or don’t know of the facts relating to our existence. It is more perception than a thought. It feels that I am stuck in it and it makes me fearful. All the time. I cannot shake it off. I only get breaks in the morning (if I was able to have a good night sleep). I also noticed that the only emotion that I feel is fear or anticipation/observation of anxiety; otherwise, I feel numb to what is going on around me. If someone has experienced the same, please help me to figure this out. If I knew what it is, maybe it would be easier to know what to do about it.
    Thank you,

  409. Carrie Says:

    Dear Paul/moderator: I just posted a question, which was first in review, but then it was deleted. I am confident that I did not say anything insulting or offensive, I was just trying to get feedback from other people. Maybe I am wrong and it just did not go through. Please let me know if maybe I should post it somewhere else on the blog.

    ………..Carrie you did nothing wrong, your first post just goes into moderation, it has now been passed as o.k. To get a reply you would be better posting on the latest blog post though.


  410. Jackie Says:

    we need to change our thinking , we need to reprogram our brains we have become anxious and panicky because we let a small worry/thought grow into a snowball .

    I am searching for ways to do this but i am pretty sure it can be reversed by right thinking.

Leave a Reply