Help with anxiety in social situations

Hi everyone, Todays post is about something I went through and overcame. This was to a degree social anxiety, an anxiety that I felt when I would speak to people. I would get an almost instant reaction of anxiety on meeting people, I would avoid eye contact, the world would seem unreal and because my mind would go blank, I would stutter or ramble my way through and look for a way to escape. No matter how hard I tried, this part of my anxiety would stick around, I never seemed to move forward. As I was never happy with this I refuse to be stuck in this cycle.

The best way to overcome any symptom starts with an understanding, there is nothing worse that being bewildered about how you feel, buried under symtoms not knowing why you feel this way and with no idea on how to move forward.

So back to me and why I felt this way.

Going back to when I first felt racked with anxiety. I truly found it hard to even speak and shook so much I avoided talking to people, I had it down to an art form of how to avoid talking and if I had to, to plan the conversation and escape as quickly as possible. This went on for years and even after educating myself on the subject and progressing so much, this part of my anxiety never improved. I understood that I had built up a habit, an automatic response where my mind would say ‘Person here, oh no, I will feel awful’ so my body would flood me with adrenalin and trust me this is why your mind goes blank and you feel unreal, its just a shot of excess adrenalin. I would then go through the ritual of trying to control or escape. I would then go home feeling this was me forever, bewildered and fed up that no matter how hard I tried, I would never progress, nothing was working.

What did I do?

Well as I said above, I first had to understand that this was now an automatic reaction , this I could not control. So the next time I would not wait and worry that I may feel like this when talking to someone, I knew I would, I could not just switch this off or control it, so it was now fine, no slumping of the shoulders, scrambling to escape, trying to control it. What I needed to do is learn how to stay in the conversation while feeling odd and unreal. And before I go on, this instant feeling of feeling odd and unreal, your mind going blank is just a flood of adrenalin, nothing more and is not harmful in anyway and always passes. So the next time I went out, I expected to feel a rush of adrenalin, my mind may go blank and I may feel unreal, but now it was fine. This time I would not obsereve myself, I would stay in the conversation with these feelings, I had to retrain my mind not to see this as a problem and while I kept running away and avoiding, it always would be.

To be honest the very understanding that it was an automatic reaction and my feelings were just due to a rush of adrenalin, made me fear the way I felt far less, it no longer seemed important and the feelings were not as strong. And as they were no longer getting so much respect from me, the feelings calmed far quicker. Again I had hit on something here, it was my perception of how I felt that brought on such a reaction, the need to run away and control.

I would not even say I practiced anything, I just went into conversation with a new understanding and attitude. I would still sometimes feel odd and lost for words, but this time I would not run away, I would stay in the situation and within seconds these moments of strangeness would pass and I would just feel a sligh disconnection, something I saw as just slight adrenalin that was of little importance. I carried on in this vein and my minds new automatic response was not ‘Oh no its someone I may have to talk to, I will feel awful’ it was ‘Hey so what, I can now cope, I understand these feeling’ and the rush of adrenalin would be no where near as strong, I was finally breaking the cycle.

There was a few times where the old fight or flight would come in, the need to get away, but I smiled and it and stayed put. I went on to be totally free of this part of my anxiety by a better understanding, no gimmicks or rituals. This was how I overcame most of my anxiety to be the person I am today, by a better understanding. I did not want to rely on coping behaviours, that was never going to be me. I was never going to settle for this being me forever and you don’t have to either, don’t be bluffed by a feeling, thinking it to be far worse than it is. I once thought I would never be able to talk freely again, I saw the oddness as a sign that I would never escape, that I had, had this condition for so long that this was going to be forever, nothing could have been furthur from the truth.

I hope the above helps people.


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295 Responses to “Help with anxiety in social situations”

  1. Monica Says:

    Hi Paul,

    I can’t tell you how relieved I am to have found your website. I have been fighting with anxiety for most of my life, the past 8 years having been the worst. I was stuck in a vicious cycle of anxiety and panic attacks and had absolutely no idea what was happening to me. I felt completely hopeless until I began researching ‘natural relief’ of anxiety. I purchased a couple of programs which shed light on the subject, but it wasn’t until I read your blog that I truly understood what I needed to do, how I needed to act. I broke through my avoidance behaviors (social situations being the worst) about 2 weeks ago. I forced myself to go out with friends and family even though my mind was on my anxiety and at times I felt completely dreadful. The difference this time was I understood that my body was used to feeling this way so it thought it was behaving normally. If that’s the way it wanted to feel, then I let it. This was a difficult task but it made a tremendous difference. Every day I felt better, stronger. In fact I felt so good I thought the anxiety was gone for good. However, the recovery process is not linear and this week the anxiety is back, but it’s not as severe. It did keep me up most of the night but my new attitude of acceptance did not allow the sensations to escalate. I still feel unhappy sometimes that I have to deal with this but I am determined to get better. Your site helps to reassure me during these times and I cannot thank you enough.


  2. Regina Gancher Says:

    Hi Paul,
    There really must be some sort of divine intervention going on. I just read your blog and it could not have come at a better time. I was just about to despair again for the umpteenth time because this is the one symptom that I hate the most and can’t seem to overcome even though I’ve made progress in many other ways. We just had a little birthday celebration in my office and as soon as I started to talk to people, the unreality feeling descended. It’s just as you said – I expect and fear that it will happen and so it does. Just knowing that you experienced the same exact thing and were able to get past it gives me much more hope that I will not be like this forever. Thank you!!


  3. Candie Says:

    Reading this post reminds me how shy i used to be around strangers, if i new people i was fine… but strangers made me really anxious!

    I left school and didnt dare get a job, i didnt suffer from anxiety so to speak at that point.. but deffinately had a social phobia of working. It was like i was too afraid to face the natural anxiety everyone has with first day nerves.

    Well anyway, my best friend was much worse.. she wouldnt even go to a till to pay for anything. She got that bad in the end she had counselling, the counseller told her to go pay for things at tills and put herself in situations she avoided. So she purposely went in shops and picked up things she couldnt afford nor intended to buy, got to the till and when the sales assistant said the price she said she didnt have enough money on her and left! Sounds mad, but she feared it so much she went and did it. Now she is very confident and not afraid of things like that at all as she faced her fear and accepted the anxiety. This is what i did with working too and social situations, i just pushed myself into the situations i feared and accepted how i felt. In time my body didnt respond with anxiety to them anymore, i accepted that over reacting with anxiety was normal for me in some sitautions and faced them.

    I think most people with Generalised anxiety can relate to this symptom, anxiety makes you not want to communicate with the outside world as your mind and mood is dull and unresponsive. I used to have this really badly, infact i didnt notice it had gone till i had read this.. weird how when the symptom goes you dont often realise.

  4. Paolina Says:

    Hello All. .

    I am new to this sight but not new to anxiety symptoms and issues. I have had issues as far back as I can remember and had two bad prolonged periods of anxiety in my life that had been precipitated by a stressful time in my life (parting with a spouse and death of my parents). With the help and understanding of a good therapist and Claire Weekes book I was fortunate to overcome my symptoms in a matter of months. Like Paul- I believe that anyone can achieve success with dealing with their anxiety through knowledge-knowledge is power.

    And then recently. . around 9 months ago I was asked to provide an inservice (presentation) at my job in regards to something I am very well versed in. The last time I was asked to speak in front of a group was when I was in Physical Therapy school and I had to perform presentations on case studies etc. (that was over 10 years ago) I was OK then- but now I had to sit in front of 20 other therapist. . .. . Well- let’s just say that I worked myself up into one of the worst anxiety tantrums of all time! I even called in sick the day of my presentation. Almost every symptom you can think of re-surfaced and worse. Even after I called in sick the symptoms persist for months after. I would get dizzy, I couldn’t focus on conversations w/ my co-workers or family & friends. I was full of DP, mind racing, mini-panics at work etc. everything that anxiety could produce- I had it.

    Up until a couple of months ago, I had my Claire Weekes book to fall back on-( like I did in the far past) until I happened upon Paul’s website. And it clicked. I swear to you people- I am not 100% healed- but pretty damn close to it and in a matter of days. Every time I feel insure I read a little from this website- and I am back on track.
    Claire Weekes book is great but can be a little antiquated in it’s lingo and in recommendations ( drugs, shock treatment etc) -but it was still a good tool for me. But this anxiety was different. I had never experienced DP before.

    With Paul’s guidance- you basically learn to give in. Let all the symptoms happen. Co-exist with them. IF you get dizzy- allow it, if you start to DP- allow it. It’s the acceptance that tells your mind and body that it’s OK and that there is nothing to be afraid of and this my friends is the road to recovery-let it all be there EVERYTIME. Like Paul say’s – you will not be cured overnight – it can come back as habit’s have a tendency too. . .be patient… .trust this method people and it will work. I know it can- I am living proof.

    As- always Paul- thank you for contributions on this website – you are a true savior -You have no idea how you have helped me. Since I have read your words I have made two presentations at the hospital ( with the help of a co-worker) I would have never performed these presentations without your words of inspiration on how to deal with anxiety and it’s symptoms. I am already planning a third presentation.

    For those of you who are dealing with anxiety- hang in there! You are on the right road- keep the faith- you can do it!!!

    God Bless


  5. mary Says:

    I feel like most of my life off and on I’ve been telling myself ‘well if it isn’t really happening just go with it’. It usually works but I hate that little voice in the background that tries to make me think that I”m really “out there somewhere’ and not IN HERE- Nowhere else would I dare say this aloud- it would scare people off. I have tried to explain to a few close friends, one who knows what real anxiety is though she never really suffered with DR or DP except in a few single instances for a few moments, the others I just sort of try to explain it but more like it’s a medical condition and once I say it it’s as if I’ve given myself permission to feel REAL again because whoever I”m with is aware of what I”m feeling. I did find that today at lunch I was feeling a bit better having just read Paul’s book and I was able to converse with people by almost feeling like I just had to react in that exact moment in time- almost like being in a play. I still had that uncomfortable feeling but I just told myself that if this wasn’t all happening then it didn’t really matter so I might as well just enjoy the moment- (or whoever ME was at the moment) anyway it worked to some extent. I really feel as if I”m almost afraid to let this go because every time I find I”m not feeling that way I test myself and bring it right back so I can feel the way I’m supposed to which ironically NOW makes me feel more real. As strange as I know this sounds, feeling GOOD almost makes me worry I’ve lost ME. Does anyone else ever feel this way? I don’t want to have to go most of my life telling myself if I’ts not real or I’m not real just ignore it- I am just afraid I CANT stop thinking that now.

  6. Lotty Says:

    Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart to everyone who takes the time to encourage and reassure people on this blog. I have been knocked for six by a setback after I thought I was doing so well. It seems I have completely lost my momentum, and fears and doubts have crept back in. Sometimes I need reminding that I am on the right road. Thanks again. xx

  7. teresa Says:

    Hi All
    Candie, how you and Jayden doing? I’m doing quite well – not through the woods yet but certainly the intensity of the search is lessening, thank you for your help earlier on and continued support.

    all – I truly believe that we are people who ‘feel’ things or perhaps sensitive would be another way of putting it. We are aware of ourselves and others probably too much – the best advice I have ever had has been on this site – it is something that takes time and plenty of distraction from ‘it’ (anxiety) – doing other things alongside the feelings – really hard in the beginning, and sometime still hard now – but it is the only answer. Once you glimpse the moment has moved it’s as if a fresh vision is given, don’t try and hold it just keep moving at a moderate pace and it will keep coming back to you. I don’t think I’m very good at putting it across – but believe me – ANYONE who is suffering, it does get better and this site is the answer. (and that includes you Lotty, you just can’t see it at the moment, and I really know how that feels too) So keep on keeping on and we will all get through.

  8. Lotty Says:

    Thank you Teresa. You are right, I have never come across a person who suffers/suffered from anxiety who is malicious or nasty; we all tend to be sensitive, compassionate people. And thank god for that! I’m sure we’ll be able to appreciate it for the gift it truly is when we reach recovery. xxx

  9. Nikki Says:

    Hi i know i was having a break from the blog but i thought i would post this.I have been to the doctors this morning and as a result have been put on some antibiotics which i know last time i took them i had increased anxiety(whether the tablets caused it or i was having a bad day is debatable) However i am back on the tablets and my anxiety levels are sooo high.What i mean is i feel really nervous and not at all focused massive tension in my shoulders well you get the picture.A few months i would have ran away from this scared to death it was going to make me worse now i dont care in the slightest how i feel.Im still not sure if its the tablets or me but whatever it is i feel like i have passed a huge hurdle.The anxiety symptoms do not dictate my life anymore i laugh at them.Dont get me wrong i feel really restless and uncomfortable but whatever!I know its just a matter of time now i dont have anything to understand or figure out i just need to wait for everything to settle down and il be beck to how i was.The only thing remaining is my constant interest in anxiety in respect of myself.If i can feel this bad and not mind why do i keep being reminded of anxiety? its like paul said if i had a headache i wouldnt keep reminding myself ‘its just a headache’ why do i still do that with anxiety when i do feel so bored with it.I dont want to be interested in this subject anymore so why am i?

  10. Nikki Says:

    Also must say you know how early on if you have to go somewhere or do something you almost immediately think Oh how do i feel about that now i still check how i feel about it and its a case of oh i forgot i dont care anymore yay! anyone else?

  11. Candie Says:

    Nikki you prob feel anxious as you expected to from last time. Nikki you will go places soon and just go to them, the transition is working behinds the scenes and soon you can go out and what not without thinking how do i feel and checking in

  12. Nikki Says:

    Hi candie you are right because after i posted i turned my thoughts to sorting out the tea and what not and i was back to my old self.It was just nerves.I tend to read the side effects of tablets ,always have,then i develop the think really because i have no fear anymore of anythin, even little things that bothered me before i had anxiety, even they are not there now and because i dont get those fear pangs and i am not concerned with feeling rubbish, i want to move on and forget and memory keeps reminding me and i am sort of like ‘yes i have anxiety nerves and what?’. I think im waiting for it to make me feel worse or go and its not doing either.Also as i said before money is tight so not really alot i can do with myself,my kids are older 8 and 13 so are enjoying playing outside and i am not working,just waiting for nurse training to start.I do fill my day but there isnt enough going on at the moment to move memories a bit further away.I also have been struggling with the undiagnosed health problems i had imagined all sorts of cancers and after a good chat with my doctor today i still do have a problem but nothing at all as serious as that and so i feel relieved.These two subjects have been on my mind with little else to think of so i am sure once money starts to come back in and my mind is elsewhere the anxiety will be given its final push.I dont want this to sound like i am moaning or complaining im not i think iv done bloody brill to have come this far this quick given the circumstances of stress i was under to get me here and the progress iv made.I also will be starting some sort of support group for people suffering anxiety when i am over this myself.I think it is a hidden subject and one which i know many people suffer from than let on,just the nature of the thoughts alone.I mean who would admit to them only in a safe place such as here where we know we will not be judged.I thank you and paul in fact all of us for not being judgemental and supportive its just a shame there isnt more awareness.Bye for now x x

  13. teresa Says:

    Nikki – just a quick blog here, (I too told myself I was having a break from the blog, LOL). I think you will find that it will ALL take a back seat when you start your nurse training – you are obviously keen to help other people – I would not wish this on anyone but if there has to be a plus for it it will mean you will make the most caring nurse, and in time the anxiety will be history. Keep doing whatever you’re doing and doing so well – you’ve encouraged plenty of people on here and I am sure you will be a great support to others in your nursing career. Good luck.

  14. Fiona Says:

    Hi folks, not been on for a while but thought i would drop in…. unfortunately because i’ve had a small set back. Been making fab progress but not quite there yet and as always a set back is a bit off a kick in the teeth. But its all good, just another learning experience. Hope everyone is well!!!
    Fi xxxxx

  15. teresa Says:

    Just read your blog – it reminds of something I read in will Beswick’s book (Candie maybe able to clarify this better than me) – the reminding yourself is a ‘coping strategy, a kind of forced behaviour – you can leave it go. It may feel strange and even more scarey in the beginning but it is similar to the search for an answer – you don’t trust yourself. Over time you will forget occasionally and eventually you will learn from that that it is not necessary, then when you do it you’ll almost think ‘I don’t need to do that’ and everytime that happens you reinforce the fact that everythings ok – it’s ok to feel however you feel – you don’t need to ‘do’ anything apart from accept the feeling. don’t know if that makes any sense, hope so.

  16. Nikki Says:

    Hi all

    I am having a bad day today but not because of the anxiety but because the tablets i had to take yesterday have caused such bad side effects.I have been awake since i o’clock this morning hallucinating sweating you name it i have had it oh and the panic attacks,I have never felt anything like them.So obviously the tablets are not out of my system yet and i am still feeling very very strange.If i hadnt suffered anxiety and learned to just go with it blimey it would have been ten times worse and i dont understand why people would do this sort of thing for fun???Also i have been having this very same but milder reaction every time my doctor has given me antibiotics any time this year and then she has tried to treat the side effects as symptoms of my illness.I have been thinking my anxiety is worse at these times and i am not getting better but it has all been down to the tablets.I dont thinki have such massive ups and downs at all i think i have just had my anxiety exacerbated by tablets and there was i thinking it was me!!Anyway i will try to get on as best i can till these effects wear off.

  17. Diana Says:

    Great post, Paul. In my two big episodes of panic and anxiety, I, for the life of me, could not focus on anything anyone would say to me. Or at least I thought I could not. The chatter in my head was louder and was busy scaring the hell out of me, so how could I possibly hear anything else. I found that in the beginning, when I first found this site and blog, I would have to make a point of focusing on the words coming out of the other person, like dragging myself off of a magnet I was completely attached to, and put all of my attention on that other person. When I did this, in the beginning, it felt weird and horrible, but I managed to succeed to have a few conversations where the person I was speaking to did not know how sick I felt — that alone was an accomplishment. I wanted to say to them “It is taking every bit of me to have this conversation with you!” I would sometimes have to go to bed right afterwards because the adrenaline had kicked me every which way but loose. But with time, the conversations in social settings became easier. For the first weeks, I was very conscious of focusing my energy on the person and not on my mental chatter and spiking adrenaline. At some point, it became habit.

    I have been doing so well, a couple of light anxiety clouds came and started to rob my time a few days ago, but I went right into my mode of going off by myself and creating something in my art studio, and soon they passed. I had absolutely no fear this time of the anxiety, and I knew it would pass, and for that, I have this blog and all the people on it to thank.

    Anxiety passes, you are not stuck with it forever, regardless of the fact that your head is telling you something else.

    I have had a break from the blog, checking in to read once in a while. I have enjoyed my B&B guests this summer, and my energy this year is much better than the previous two years, despite the fact that in May and June, I thought I would not survive the anxiety and panic. I did. I am in recovery and doing well, and I can honestly say that I am happy, maybe for the first time in many, many years. Happy with myself.

    The only other thing I would like to say here right now is that I think some of this is personal discipline — the ability to switch the attention away from that HUGE voice inside and to the outside world which is waiting for us. In the beginning it feels impossible. There are days where it is soooo tempting for me to stay inside my own head…. that has been my habit all my life…. and to have endless, fruitless mental chatter. Now, when I see myself doing that, I go OUT and do something. Anything! Fold laundry, talk with a neighbor, sweep up the dog’s hair, anything that involves something other than myself. It works, and it gets easier with time. I just wish someone had told me this years ago, I could have saved myself years of suicidal thoughts, self recrimination, unbelievable fear and horrifying imaginations. But, better late than never. I will be working on this forever, and working on it gladly, because it is the biggest gift I can give myself — my own personal happiness.

    Thank you Paul. And all the rest of you for sharing.

  18. Nikki Says:

    HI all

    I have thought of a way to explain how i feel right now.I feel like my anxiety is a big rollercoaster and for months i have known i need to get on and ride it but i have stood by the side lines watching building the confidence to get on.A few months ago i decided enough of this hanging around i got on faced the fear and layed myself open to whatever i felt when i was on it.Nothing happened!I didnt feel any worse!I get up everyday and get back on.Nothing ever happens i dont ever get any worse i still feel nervous but not worse.When i wake up and face this rollercoaster i dont fear riding it anymore i sit there like its a bus ride.Now though when i get off i would expect to start feeling a bit relieved,a little less apprehensive.This isnt happening.I think my mind has reached the point of no fear but my body is not quite there yet,i just need to wait for it to catch up.I was concerned this morning that last nights episode would take me back a few steps but i have a word with myself now lol.Anyone would of been frightened of what i went through last night least of all someone with anxiety not knowing what was happening.Hope you are all well.x

  19. teresa Says:

    and thank you diana for sharing that with us – I really understood that and connected with ‘personal discipline’ bit – maybe not so much in the beginning as it is an act of blind faith initially but now as time goes on and you feel yourself on shaky ground there does have to be a ‘choice’ – – I’ve been doing really ok but having a little moment over the last couole of days – yes, I know what you mean about working on it,but if you’ve been where we’ve been I think you’re right – it’s the biggest gift you can give yourself. Thanks diana – adjusted my focus for me X

  20. Nikki Says:

    I agree diana it is a choice – thats not to say its not hard to get up and motivate yourself in those early days but as teresa says it is just blind faith and determinition to overcome and live again without any nerves.

  21. Fiona Says:

    Well done Nikki, i honestly think that people how suffer from anxiety are much stronger for it……. as Paul says you come through so much. Your wee experience and how you have dealt with it just shows how much strength you have to deal with things. I know i would deal with it the same as you but when i think of some of my fiends i know they would be off to a&e in a terible state. Glad your feling better now xxxx

  22. Nikki Says:

    Hi again!!!!!

    I dont know if any of you are on facebook and would like to put faces to names! The good thing about this blog is it is so annonomous but also sometimes can be a little distancing.I would keep all anxiety subjects and discussions for the blog only but if anyone wants to be in touch on let me know and il give you my details!!

  23. mary Says:

    Teresa, yes I suppose it does have to do with not trusting myself- It’s almost like my concept of “me’ and the anxious ‘out there’ me are one now so if I feel more HERE than I immediately jump to the thought’ I must have lost me! You know this is all just so tiring. I’m so grateful this site exists though. It helps knowing others have felt this way. It’s a very lonely kind of feeling isn’t it- being trapped inside your own mind? One thing I find is sometimes music takes me out of it- Last night a friend who has come to stay with me for a while and I were listeing to classical music and Ave Maria came on- it brought me back to when I was little and my mother was alive (she died when I was 21) She was German and used to have a beautiful voice. This rendition was Ave Maria in German and I found myself really choking up but it was a good feeling- It felt like “me’ It’s odd, I have all the memories of my life and intellectually I know it was ‘me’ it’s just I think when you have this (whatever IT is) that your mind does to you, your concept of ‘you’ becomes fuzzy. Anyway, thanks for your response. I know I just sort of dropped in from nowhere and nooone knows me here but if anyone is interested in knowing me better, I have a myspace

  24. Nikki Says:

    Oh gosh guys definately having abad time today!loads of symptoms have come back that had previously passed bit of d.p too.I know i probably got some side effects still in there but still phew! i had forgor it was ever this bad brilliant progress marker mind.Unusual though that although the body feels like it is on high alert.The mind is peacefull,sort of like the centre of me is calm and relaxed despite the weirdness surrounding it.I am concentrating on the calm and if i get a pang, which they have returned to ,i try to enforce the feeling,push it to make me feel worse.Sort of like im saying i dare you there isnt nothing there come on then and its almost as if the body responds with oh! alright then il go!It has lost control i have lost respect!just this last bit to go.I do feel that i am so fearless at present i am waiting for it to scare me so i can show it how little weight it holds.Its pauls saying come on then is that all you got!

  25. Diana Says:

    Nikki, I can only say from personal experience that the adrenaline kick wears the body out. It is very tiring on our cells and muscles to have to constantly deal with “fight or flight”. We get sooooo tired physically. Paul has often described anxiety as having a tired mind. I feel this is a universal truth, up there with things out of the Bible or the Koran or whatever you believe. Anxiety means you have a tired mind. It’s so tired from all of the adrenaline which has been shooting through you for so long. It stresses your muscles, it makes your heart race, it robs you of valuable sleep, it can steal your appetite. It can wreck havoc with your digestive system. My goodness, who would NOT be scared. Your body feels weak, your mind is exhausted!! Feeling scared is normal. It feels totally out of whack to say, ok, drop back a bit and cut off from all of this, there is really nothing seriously wrong, I just have a very tired mind for a myriad of reasons and I must tend to that. It sounds so easy to do! But it is sooo hard when every pore in your body feels like it pulling in the opposite direction. I know how you feel when you say your body is on high alert. Like, if we are not vigilant for one nanosecond, something horrible will happen. Nothing horrible will happen. Nothing. You can give yourself permission to stop worrying, because the worry changes no outcome.

    Teresa, you are so right. In the beginning it is total blind faith. One feels so pushed to the wall that it becomes a matter of trying anything. And when the little roots of success happen, then we say, oh, ok, so if I do a, maybe b will be the outcome. For me it was, ok, if I do this, maybe I don’t have to die. Maybe this horror won’t kill me. So that was what kept me with it. I still shudder to think about where I have been. But it was where I had to come from to get on with it, I suppose.

    I have had, in my family, a person very close to me, really berated me for “self diagnosing and reading stuff on the internet” about my condition. In my previous state, this would have sent me into a xanax haze for weeks. Instead, I laugh. As if my 6 bouts with classic therapy and 3 bouts with antidepressives ever did anything long lasting or worth while! This blog was like finding a key to a lock — I have lived with this lock all my life, and never had the key. I am smart enough to figure how to get the key into the lock and turn it. But before this site, I did not have the damn key.

    ok, enough! Everyone, remember, you are not alone. Please know that.

  26. Fiona Says:

    Hi Nikki, i do have a facebok but there is nothing wothwhile on it, i’m always rubbish at doing that sort of thing lol! Hope your feeling better xxx

  27. Nikki Says:

    Hi diana i must say yes i agree my body feels very tired.I do remember feeling this way before anxiety started i do know i felt awfull tired and achey not fresh if you know what i mean so i dont neccessarily think i was great before anxiety or at least i should say before i was aware i was suffering anxiety .I am waiting for my mind to stop reassuring me im okay when i already know.To stop checking how i feel and seeing if my heart sinks like it used to over just silly things like having to go upstairs use to make my stomach turn over and now it doesnt do that but memory reminds me to check if my stomach is turning over and its got boring i dont want that to happen anymore because its tiring but i accept that one by one they will fade as the more i do the less i will notice.When my mind has forgotton to do this it will be my next hurdle covered.I do think its going to take alot longer for my body to ease though.I dont just mean feeling nervous i also mean relaxing muscles and easing tension.I think even when the anxiety itself has gone i will still have a journey in order to learn new skills how to relax and not push myself and take on too much i had started to become a bit of a perfectionist.I am also aware that although i have had a bad time in order to feel as bad as i did earlier in the year the people around my husband and my mom who have shared these troubles with me although they did not suffer anxiety as i did i can see the symptoms of stress in them both and i am making sure that they do not get to weighed down themselves.I havent exercised which i think perhaps i should do but only because i am only 8 stone and find losing weight easy especially at the moment as the nerves decreases my appetite so i have to be strict with my eating.Anyway changes will be made.I heard something the other day that struck a chord a with me about patience i am always saying i wish i could be more patient. I may not have any but isnt this a good opportunity to practice it,Take care x

  28. Kashawn Says:

    Diana, I really enjoyed your last post. Although your anxiety experience has been longer then mine, your post made me smile because it outlined what I have gone through.

    You summed up recovery very well; ” Now, when I see myself doing that, I go OUT and do something. Anything! Fold laundry, talk with a neighbor, sweep up the dog’s hair, anything that involves something other than myself. It works, and it gets easier with time” These words are truth and the only way to Recovery. When you truly focus on other things then yourself; doing other outwardly tasks-**This is when your mind heals and the Anxiety leaves you. And again if you find your mind reverting back to you, then so be it, who cares shouild be your attitude and you must stay focused on whatever your doing, know that habits are being reversed and as Diana stated with time it gets easier!!!

    Thank you Diana for an awesome post

    All the best to everyone xo.

  29. Candie Says:

    hey Nikki, What happened to taking a break from the blog!? I’m not critisizing, however you need to allow your body and mind to forget and heal.. it cant do this if you are still mulling over things on here. By no means am i telling everyone not to come on here, come here till you know everything you need to know.. then let go till your strong enough to pick and choose when to think about anxiety in a constructive way. I found all the answers too nikki, but the last step is letting go of your anxiety hobby. Ofcourse no one wants to be obsessed with it, but you spend so many time looking for answers it can consume you. Paul and a few others pointed out to me i was too involved with anxiety as a subject, i didnt even know i was doing it! When i let other things into my day and allowed myself to forget, thats when things really improved for me.

    Remember there are a few stages to recovery whiles accepting:


    Nikki if you trually are ready to let go then let go of this blog for a while, let yourself just be ‘Nikki’, let your focus be on another subject other then anxiety- let yourself move on from the anxious nikki trying to figure it out. You know all the answers now :)

  30. Nikki Says:

    hi candie , you are right and this is subject is as much of a hobby for me now as a condition, I have recognised this myself which is why i originally said i was going to step away.I think the bad episode with the tablets has made me feel a little weak.I know what you are trying to tell me it is good advice and i am not offended.It seems i am strong enough to accept but cant let go of the subject.I agree with what you say about focusing elsewhere.I am now going to take a break.Thats not to say i wont return to update but i am taking your advice and moving away.Thankyou candie you seem to be able to read my mind sometimes and advise me to do exactly what i have been trying to get on with.Pointing me in the right direction when i am unsure.Take care and i wont speeak soon lol x x

  31. Hayley H Says:

    hi everyone, i havent been wriiten on here for a while because i have really been trying to get on with life!
    I have been completely ignoring my DP and i dont really feel any fear anymore but im still a bit baffled as to why it hasnt gone?? its definatly less intense but im just wondering what is the average time for dp to stat around? I have no other anxeity symptoms and have never really been an anxious person so this scared the life out of me when this came on suddenly with a click of the fingers!!! its weird even now writing this i can feel my self thinking outward then being sucked back in again….. if that makes sense!! also i recently feel very snappy and angry… can this be down to an anexity side effect?? i hate feeling so rude and angry!!
    I hope everyone on here is ok and doing well x x x x x x

  32. Patrick Says:

    Hi Candie, what you say to Nikki resonates with me. I have been pretty much following the same path as Nikki, and I too feel now I have gained so much knowledge and yes made loads of progress with my attitude but I still cannot seem to shift my thought focus from the “subject”. I think this is the one thing I struggle to accept – I am aware of how I physically feel but I really don’t think it bothers me that much – it always passes, and since I have learned to let silly “what if” thoughts “be” they rarely come now. i.e. These two things “no longer matter” to me.

    I think what is keeping me in the cycle is the constant thoughts about the subject – not anxious “what if” thoughts, just general thoughts. For instance, I was laid in bed last night, perfectly relaxed, not worried about how I would feel today, but still I was thinking about “anxiety”. I drifted off and had a good nights sleep, then woke up this morning and yup, thinking about anxiety again. People have said, let it be, if you think inwardly, then let it be, it’s a symptom like all others and will pass with time. I don’t even feel particularly anxious now, maybe 1 or 2 on a scale of 10. People have said this is usually the last symptom to go. People have said let other things in – to be honest my life is very full, luckily I have never avoided doing anything because of anxiety. It’s like no matter what I do though, one eye is always on anxiety. I have little trouble doing anything, I still have loads of hobbies and enjoy them, 99% of the time and every now and again, I realise I have been focusing 100% on something else, but it’s like a “mad scramble” to get back to thinking about anxiety again as soon as I realise!

    I obviously still see the inward thinking as a problem, and this is the only thing that makes me anxious albeit mildly, but as the thoughts are constant, I just feel mildly anxious “most” of the time, and even when I feel more or less fine, the thoughts are still there. It is like I cannot let go of it.

    Hope this makes sense, I’m pretty sure this is the last thing to “click” into place for me. I have had anxiety episodes before but never become “obsessed” by it so it never really mattered that much, and hense, passed quickly.

  33. teresa Says:

    Hi All
    Should not be on here really ,looking for some form of support I suppose, all of a sudden really having trouble – seem to have lost the right atitude and with it not coping very well. I have not abandoned ship and or sunk yet, in a way I wish I could. I am so full of stress (a few probs that are worrying me) and it just feels that anything and everything is adding to it. Some of the pains really getting to me and I feel it’s all out of my control – just lost the way at the moment. I still know that this is temporary but yet its become so mega important I want to run from it – sorry to be so negative but just looking for someone to show be a light – AGAIN.

  34. Diana Says:

    Teresa, how about this. You are going to get through these problems and get to the other side of them. Nothing will stop that process. The outcome is going to be the outcome. Your worry can and will do nothing to change that other than robbing you of sleep and relaxation to better cope. If there is something you can actively do to help with whatever the issue is, then by all means do it. If not, then be satisfied you have done everything you can and turn your attention (fully as you can) elsewhere. If there are dire consequences related to this problem which effect your life remember that you will take them one at a time and deal with them at the appropriate time. The light is in letting the problem be there but not giving it power ( I know you know that but I am just repeating it). What will be will be. You have a life to live right here right now which deserves your full attention. You might want to get some exercise if you have not done that — movement, walking, stretching. When stress compounds itself, it feels like a mountain. But in reality, they are individual stresses and not there to compound themselves — try to see them as individual problems.

    Don’t abandon ship :) You will be fine. Just remember to allow the feelings through, let them float by like clouds and that your life will continue on its course. Your grabbing those clouds is impossible, so don’t waste your precious energy trying. Many people are rooting for you. I know the feeling of wanting to run! But instead of running, stand there calmly and know that none of it can can hurt you, The fear, the heart beats, the dread, the nerves. None of it can really hurt you…. it will all go past you and you will be ok. Be calm if you can. Breathe, Walk. Do things that bring you a sense of peace. Stay active and outside yourself. This too shall pass.

  35. teresa Says:

    Thank you Diana, today will be a better day. You are right and I can not alter life and it’s a waste of energy trying to alter things that you have not control over. I think that the ‘problems’ I normally handle, are no different to what everyone else has to deal with in families, my daughter’s having a hard time in a pregnancy, my mother is getting old and the pressures and worries linked to that as she misses my dad who died last year. Things that I ‘do’ handle – but once the anxiety symptoms become heavy I lose the belief that I can handle things because I have become so ‘all consumed’ by the symptoms. I did go out and about yesterday and there were moments when they disappeared – I have so much to be thankful for but only people who have had this know how all consuming it can be.
    Today is a new day – I know I will have the symptoms because I feel them coming in now – I will ride along side them as best I can and wait for as Kashwan says ‘the storm to pass’. Thanks For coming back to me, it reminds me that I am travelling a road others have and are on, and there is lots of hope on the horizon.

  36. Lotty Says:

    Hi Diana!
    My, what wonderful advice you give….I remember talking to you when you were still struggling a bit, about xanax, remember? What a long way you’ve come! I think I have come a long way too, but I’ve had a couple of setbacks. Hey ho, to have a setback means you must have made progress. You used one of my favourite phrases before “this too shall pass”. So pleased you are doing well. Much love. xxx

  37. Nikki Says:

    Hi candie i am here for information only lolI am getting on ok but was just wondering even though i can completely focus on a task/activity whatever.I seem to revert back to myself not in an awareness sense but almost as if i am explaining how i am feeling to someone, if that makes sense and then telling myself its okay its just blah blah blah.I seem to do it alot.I do do this naturally if i have had a row with someone i go over it in my head for example perhaps i should have said …then she would have said…and to be honest its boring.Its like i have a friend with a problem and she keeps on about it all the time you have a normal conversation then it switches back to the anxiety. Why do i keep doing this if i am not bothered how i feel and i understand as much as i do why do i feel the constant need to talk about it to myself mentally? Did you do this?

  38. Carol R Says:


    Was just wondering if any one can help?. I have been feeling good recently but over the last few days I have been getting the thought”what are we all here for? what is life about? ” I hate this thought as it makes me feel down and do not want to start focussing on how i am feeling again. Does anyone else get thoughts like this and if so, any advice on how to cope with them would be greatly appreciated. thanks everyone on this blog for your help and support.

    love Carol R

  39. Paul David Says:

    Carol a thought only has the power you give to it. You stated the thought gets you down, you have given an anxiety related thought instant respect and set yourself on a downward spiral, you have let it bother you instead of smiling at it and moving on. Give irrational thoughts zero respect, see them as an off shoot of anxiety, nothing else as that is all they are. Don’t try to force them away, give them their space, they are not important so no need to try and banish them. I suffered from many irrational thoughts and I just let them go, none were real. I no longer suffer with anxiety and have no irrational thoughts, I am the same person but without the fuel of anxiety to create them. Trust me you become a master in letting them go, smiling at them that you no longer care, it can take a little practice as we are so used to given them undue attention, but stick with it.

  40. Paul David Says:

    Great advice through out the post Diane, I can see the message is really coming through now, I remember when things started to really click into place. One moment of wisdom could solve so many scenarios.

  41. Carol R Says:

    Thanks Paul. I will give it a go. The thoughts seems so real, that is the problem. Most of the time , I can dismiss them but sometimes they just get a hold. I appreciate your reply and advice. I follow your book and the advice you give more than any other advice I have been given. It is a great help to me. Thanks again.


  42. Patrick Says:

    Nikki, I always seem to follow your posts with a “yeah that’s the same for me!” but what you said about mentally explaining yourself is exactly what I do. And yes, it is just like when you have had an argument and you go over it and over it etc. I feel I have made lots of progress in attitude recently, and the fear I felt has drastically reduced, but I seem to have developed this habit of constantly going over stuff; posts i’ve made, conversations I’ve had etc etc. I worried about this for ages, but am trying now to focus on not worrying too much about it. Hard though when it’s all going round in my head!!

  43. Nikki Says:

    Hi I am having such a bad day today. I feel like i am gradually going backwards, I have really had enough of this now.I am trying so hard to just get on but i am feeling really anxious today like everything is on high alert.Im fed up with it constantly being on my mind and fed up with not being able to enjoy anything fully without the little stupid thoughts jumping in ‘but are you sure ‘ and the ‘what ifs’.Sorry for complaining but i just feel really pi**ed off with it all.I dont want to have anxiety any more i want to be me again.I am not frightened by feeling this way i know what it all is about, i can understand why the thoughts and what ifs are there.Sorry i just want to flick a switch today and turn it all off and be free of it. It would help if i only felt like this at certain times but i dont its all bloody day everyday and i had made great progress till the episode last week with the antibiotics.I am desperate and frustrated today which i know is going to get me nowhere but thats how im feeling.Any advice or support gratefully received.

  44. Nikki Says:

    Hi sorry for that last post.I feel much better for venting but i have come to the conclusion i am ‘suffering’ from anxiety instead of having it.I feel different like i have some sort of illness and i dont want to feel like that anymore so i am NOT going to suffer anymore and i am not having anxiety anymore.What i mean is i am not going to cope or live with it anymore i am going to live despite it and if i talk about it to myself all day so be it, im not hurting anyone just boring myself sensless.I have done with this now.I need to move on or else i will still be blogging here this time next year asking how and why.Ignore the last post i was just feeling sorry for myself .Take care all x x

  45. Diana Says:

    Lotty, boy do I remember. It was for the grace of you and Paul and Scarlet and Kashawn and Candie and (I know I will forget the others, and I don’t mean to) everyone here that I got the clues to stepping out of my own dread. A couple of days ago I went back to Paul’s May post, which is the point at which I started sharing, and read for the first time every word I posted and all the responses. It was like solving a puzzle. I had been in this dreadful hole for so long and I have been so ready to come out of it but for the life of me could not figure out how. All the therapy I had, as well intentioned as it was, kept me in the hole. The utter simplicity of what Paul and all of you share is what astounds me even today. If I feel the butterflies or the handshaking I get right back to it –allowing the thoughts to be there, staying active doing something outside myself, don’t deny the thoughts but give them no power. And I feel better because 1. it works and 2. I have PROVEN to myself it works, so it is like taking a pill without actually taking one, I know I will feel better if I implement the improved habit. Maybe not this minute, maybe not even today, but probably tomorrow, I will feel better.

    I wanted to share with you all a thought I had about anxiety, therapy and Paul’s way of dealing with anxiety. :) I think this is brilliant if I do say so myself (lol):

    Anxiety is like being caught in a very complicated, very scary jungle. We want out but have no idea how to get out so we get even more scared as time goes on. So we meet our classic therapist in the jungle who says, “well, what we need to find out is why there are so many trees in the jungle and how they all got here. Then we can move on out of the jungle.”

    So we spend years trying to figure out why the trees are here. But the jungle is still scaring us and we still cannot find our way out of it.

    NO! All we need is a GPS system! Why the trees are here is of little if no importance if your in a panic! Paul and you all have given me my GPS system for getting out of the jungle. Sometimes the trees still scare me, but then I turn on the GPS again and eventually I can see the path out of the jungle again. I know enough about why the trees are here to last me a lifetime. I am ready to be away from the trees and basque in the sunshine.

    lots of hugs to you Lotty and to all the rest of you.

    Paul, I don’t think there will be enough thank you’s in the world for you. Ever.

  46. Patrick Says:

    Nikki, I know exactly how you feel, I have had times like these, but actually feel really positive at the moment. A couple of things I read in Claire Weekes recently struck a chord with me; she says that there is no “point of no return” with anxiety, and that even at the point of despair, you can turn a corner towards full recovery tomorrow. Just that thought helps me when I have moments of despair. I know it’s not much but I know how hard it is to have this nagging anxiety 24 / 7 because I am the same. Also, imagine climbing a mountain towards recovery, you spend a lot of times in the foothills up down up down etc, but on the whole you are still climbing! I am still in the foothills etc and keep hoping to “at least” get to the mountain and feel better, even for just a moment, but it hasn’t happened yet. Accept today is a bad day ( I had one yesterday) but tomorrow is a new day.

  47. teresa Says:

    Hi all
    And thanks again Diana – I feel I should be sharing these encouraging words with others as I DO KNOW THEM – but some how at the moment find it hard to LIVE them. I will come through again, but the scary jungle has happened for now . Thank God I KNOW the way out even if I am not finding it at the moment – it really helps to have it reinforced by more and more people who have come out of it. I even understand that this is an ongoing process – maybe for life but it will get better , thank you Diana

  48. louise Says:

    Thanx for the post Paul,this one i could really relate to,ive sufferred social anxiety for as far back as i can remember,up until lastyear i didndt know what was wrong with me but i did think i was losing my mind and i did frequently cry myself to sleep calling myself a weirdo,i didnt think i was normal and at my lowest point wondered if id be better off dead,i found ANY social situation terrifying,id do anything in my power to AVOID going places and meeting people,i was totally paranoid,i felt like everyone knew how i was feeling,i couldnt hold a conversation,i used to wonder why anyone wasted their time talking to me,i felt worthless A year into recovery im doing so much better,knowledge is power and learning about my condition has helped massively,i dont believe im a freak anymore and that feels good Ive stopped avoiding and this has probably been the most life changing change of all,avoidance kept me ill its been very difficult facing up to my fears but most definatly worthwhile,im getting better all the time now I dont believe in titles and i dont think for a second i suffer only social anxiety its just that this is by far my most strongest symptom an definatly the one i feared the most Im well on the road to recovery now and ive got here by 1;facing 2;never avoiding 3;accepting sounds so simple and yet its effects are life changing i still get very anxious in social situations but im not afraid of these feelings anymore,i believe theyer normal under the circumstances,i now believe that im a very brave person who continues to FACE up to my anxiety everyday some days are good some not so good,theyre always managable and even on the occasions i have a 3 4 day run of strong anxiety theres now an inner voice telling me that it wont last and it nver does i always pull back through and you can bet your bottom doller ive learned something new my inner voice grows stronger everyday along with my sense of selfworth and confidence as ive said before life is for living so get out there and live speak soon xxxxxxxxxxxx f 11 t h

  49. Nikki Says:

    There is trully some great advice on this site and the support and understanding is such a brilliant help.It seems to me that the amount of information i have taken in i have completely confused things.To simplify i dont have a problem with physical symptoms or feelings of strangeness anymore.I do however dislike the constant reassuring myself and thinking about this condition and feel this is not the right thing to be doing.I have looked at some past posts and you say dont get stressed if you must analize then so be it dont worry, because i have got caught up somewhere along the line with i am not doing this right,thinking about it all the time must be keeping it with me and i cant stop thinknig about it so i have got stressed,so then i think im making it worse because im stressing and im in a circle of fight.My own mind tells me ignore all symptoms brought on by anxiety from the constant thinking about the condition to the sweats that happen every 5 minutes at the moment let it all be there and dont try to stop any of it let it all happen dont worry about it being there because i know that getting anxious about this increases my anxiety.Should i just allow the analising to continue and not try to stop it?So,what i am asking in my way of speaking is, is the answer just ignore the analising ignore all feelings and carry on focus as much as you can on your day,whatever happens happens and as long as i am not worrying about having anxiety then it fades with time?If i just let the whole anxiety thing just run amok let it spark of stupid thoughts let it make my mind cloudy let it make me focus on myself all day long for as long as it takes and not worry about it.Thats what you’ve been telling me is’nt it?Thats why i keep coming back here because i still feel like there is something im not doing when really i should not do anything and should allow everything whilst continueing with my day.This blog has been my comfort blanket.Thank you x x

  50. Diana Says:

    Nikki, I am no expert as my recovery is still fairly new but I believe that if you find yourself dwelling on your anxiety (by analyzing it) you do need to cut that off and get busy doing something else. Allowing yourself to feel the anxiety and dwelling/analyzing it are two different things. Allowing yourself to feel it and saying “ok, so what, I feel this way, it cannot hurt me and it will eventually go away” and moving onto another externally oriented activity will help you to feel better. Don’t dwell or analyze it, you won’t be able to make sense out of it, and it will only aggravate the symptoms. The anxiety is there because of your own tiredness and stress, and being anxious is kind of a warning system to our psyche that something is amiss. Dwelling and analyzing is what further exhausts you. If you feel your mind getting cloudy, visualize your thoughts in those clouds and let them float by.

    I have not stopped having symptoms completely. Yesterday I had words with my husband about a volatile subject (about my trigger, money) and a looked down and my hand was shaking like a leaf and my neck was getting tingly. I did walk away from the discussion and thought about how I am still here and still have a house and food and all despite my fears and sensible calm returned. I went back and continued the discussion in a much better way. It always comes back down to the fact that fears are not who we are. Anxiety is not who we are. It is something that happens to us when we are tired and spirals us down because we don’t get why it is happening. When we accept our tired minds (I think this means viewing ourselves and our tired minds with a great deal of love), we can take the steps to improve our situations.

  51. Paul David Says:

    Carol you say: Thanks Paul. I will give it a go. The thoughts seems so real, that is the problem. Most of the time , I can dismiss them but sometimes they just get a hold. I appreciate your reply and advice.

    They may seem real and you may feel engulfed by a thought, it comes with such force then it must deserve my respect. Carol it only has the power you give it, let it come, let it shock, but always have that belief that it does not matter, say ‘Wow that was a shocker, but it does not matter it is not getting my respect’ I used to just go with the craziness as I put it, it was just my body trying to readjust itself, I have to stop picking the scabs. I remember having some real tough, challanging days and I would just trust in time that things would improve. What I try to really reinforce is that we never have to or try to diminsh how we feel, I tried for many years to try ‘rid’ myself of how I felt and I just sunk deeper and deeper. It never occured that I should just allow myself to feel this way and not be impressed by it. Obviously educating myself helped so much as I understood why these symptoms were around, that was very important. The irrational thoughts were not a sign of me going crazy, they were just anxiety manifesting itself, trying to find an escape, instantly the next time a thought held little power, I was far less impressed as I understood it meant nothing and was not real, it was just my anxiety at work.

    Diana its a pleasure to help, it truly means as much to me as the people reading that what I write helps. Me and Candie both said we know how it felt to be in that hole and how much we so desperetly wanted help, that is something you never forget and the reason I and others keep advising.

    And I truly love your attitude, the one were you know you may not feel great at times, but you keep going forward. A lot of people fall into the trap of hoping and wishing it all away, thinking they need to banish how they feel, that this must be the answer. Recovery truly comes through going through it, this was were so many of my own victorys came from. I avoided, lived with safety behaviours, tried all day to fix myself, mentally going round in circles, it makes so much sense to me now why I got nowhere. It was a journey of highs and lows for me, I never woke up one day recovered, I had to go through and feel it all and stop being so impressed by what my body was doing, I basically became bored of me and lived my life with my anxiety there. As Scarlet once said you have to live with the old you for a while before the new you emerges.

  52. teresa Says:

    Some great posts – really constructive. I think that the more it is reinforced that you cannot ‘fix’ this it has to be allowed to fix itself the more we understand that feeling ‘rough’ is part of the journey.

    At first it comes as a suprise to find you have forgotten yourself for a while – you may have niggles but because you’re doing so well you don’t focus on them, when you don’t focus on them they’re un important. All of a sudden you wonder why it was all so important, it’s like someone has shrunk everything that bothered you to a miniscule size. Then you may find you’re back in the midst of the thing again – lost – and everything seems supersized.

    Each time this happens the ‘bad’ time is a shock but the understanding does embed itself – and with helpful posts from Paul, Candie, diana, Kashwan and whoever else has mastered it – it does reinforce the facts that others have been here and are handling life. I have had really bad time this week – BUT because I have a deep understanding of the process – as hard as it is I still BELIEVE. It’s there, embedded in my subconcious

  53. teresa Says:

    pressed send to early there, lol

  54. teresa Says:

    …embedded in my subconcious. And then when all those doubts try and get me – they’re not as strong. And then I come on here and people ‘give you strength’ – they’ve been there – and understand like others can’t. All I can sayis I have learned more in 6 months with Paul and this blog than I have in over 10 years trying to sort it out. I will get there, doesn’t feel like it sometimes – but I know I will continue to improve. Thank you each and everyone of you who have taken the time to share your strength.

  55. Carol R Says:

    Thanks again Paul for the great advice. I felt rubbish yesterday and by the end of the day, I had worked myself up into the “I will always be like this” way of thinking. Today I feel more positive, but was wondering does anyone else get the symptom of feeling that everything looks strange?Even down to my own house. It is a horrible feeling and it really scares me. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks. This site really helps.

    Love Carol R

  56. Nikki Says:

    Thanks diana for those words.It means alot to know everyone here understands even when we go into drama mode which is what i have done this past week.I have had a new realisation today.I have taken advice too literally.You all have said invite new things into your day to focus elsewhere instead of on myself.What i have done is run around trying to ‘do’ things under the misapprehension that this ‘doing’ would make me better quicker and then when i have nothing to do got stressed because i had nothing to ‘do’.Also as most of you know i have had massive changes in my life this year my life has changed from working full time to not at all.I have also lost my dad who i spent a great deal of time with and we went out together alot.These activities are not there anymore so i have been trying to fill my days because A i was missing not being busy and B because i thought being busy would eventually heal me and then i got caught up in the worry of having nothing to do.It has dawned on me today that actually i could sit in the house all day everyday doing nothing but watching dvd’s but as long as im not focused on me and how im feeling and im not worrying about anxiety then i would heal.This has come as a massive relief!!Why didnt i see this before its not like you didnt all tell me often enough.I do now feel like i have the tools.If i am bored and pondering myself i will just do a puzzle with my daughter or pick up the d.s or something! its so simple! I am not frightened by how i feel or my thoughts (as i have mentioned many many times lol)Its not the ‘doing’ of things that will help to heal its not aggravating myself by continueing to worry if im doing things right.I get it now! just do what you do! if i would have spent 3 days in bed with headache before then why not now? i shouldnt be getting up and rushing around because i think it will hinder my progress in getting rid of my anxiety!!I also know after all this time of considering myself all day it will take a while for this constant taking care of myself and having one eye on the symptoms to fade but i know it will.Thank you all for your patience with me and your advice and support.Speak soon x

  57. Paul David Says:

    Carol all you are feeling is adrenalin on a tired mind. One that does not want you to worry and obsess how you feel. Obsessing and worrying just exausts it furthur and keeps you in the cycle. If someone injected me with a shot of adrenalin my surroundings would feel odd and strange, but it would not bother me or scare me as I would understand it. The same as when I drink loads of beer I feel happy and light headed, its totally normal in the circumstance and is not harmful in anyway. You must get away from being so impressed how you feel at any given time to move forward, that is very important. Candie, Kashwan and Diane and many others all came here totally lost and the only reason they have moved on is they have a different attitude to how they feel. I am sure they will all tell you that they still feel odd at times, but they are no longer bothered or impressed by it, this is the exact reason they have moved forward as they have stopped the cycle of worry and fear about how they feel, they have given their mind and body the break it so craved, they may not like how they feel at times, but they give it far less respect. So let your room look odd, allow yourself to feel strange but just carry on with your day and don’t be too impressed by it, see it as just adrenlin on a tired mind that is not harmful in anyway, pay it no mind.

    A feeling that once consumed me with fear and dread, just became a slight annoyance, again its not about banaishing symptoms, its allowing yourself to llive along side them for the time being and not being over impressed by the odd strange feelings.

    Please take this on board as I can see clearly the cycle your still stuck in.


  58. Carol R Says:

    Thanks again Paul. It i so strange that sometimes I can just accept the way I feel and other times not. Today I was feeling quite positive and then I got the thought ” I can not bear to feel like this, if I died I would not be bothered”. Of course, it hit me like a bolt of lightning but I have had that thought so many times before but it feels so real when I feel down. It is really wierd but before I started suffering with anxiety 18 months ago, I feared death more than anything in the world. Now it just does not bother me at all. I just wondered if anyone else ever has this awful thought. I am coming off the meds with the help of my therapist and am now on such a low dose, I was ready to come off them last week. Seems so odd how my mood can alter in the space of such a short time. I have had a few set backs since I started, so I am just assuming this is another one. I am working hard not to spiral down into it and just accept the feelings. It is so good to know that everyone is here on this blog to reassure and help each other and I would like to thank you Paul, for creating this wonderful site. You are an inspiration to all us suffers.

    Love Carol R

  59. mac Says:

    i have a question, how do u know if your thinking, i know it may sound stupid, but its feels like my mind is rambling all the time but i don’t know if im thinking or not, is this because of all the stress and worry i put on myself, also i just had a recent thought the other day and now i constantly think about that and forget about what i was thinking about that scared me before this thought and now im searching for the old thought and cant find it and it scares me because it doesnt bother me anymore, is this just thrashing my tired mind. i know this sounds weird but can someone explain???? thank you

  60. Paul David Says:

    Carol I am not saying its easy, but just for a week decide that you are going to go with the craziness for a week, as awful and frustrating as it is, for once to fight against it and you may feel a little peace. When we are buried under symptoms we feel there is no hope, but we are there underneath, I am living proof of that. It was a tough old road for me, never think it was easy, I suffered about as bad as anyone.

    Just to finish you ask

    I just wondered if anyone else ever has this awful thought.

    Remember it does not matter what you think, so please don’t feel the need to wonder and worry if anyone else thinks the same way, it truly is not important. If I picked every symptom I felt and looked for ressuarnce I would have drove myself silly. Put it all under the umbrella of anxiety and try to not feel the need for reasurance about every symptom feel, it never ends, just decide to live along side it all. You may seem so far away now, but just give yourself a chance. don’t waste your day worrying and battling how you feel, trying to figure it all out, trust me this is the reason you feel so overwhelmed.

  61. Carol R Says:

    Thank you again Paul for the good advice. I will go with the flow and not seek reassurance. You are a great help to me. x

  62. Lotty Says:

    You and I must be on a seesaw at the moment! Remember just recently when I was feeling as you are now? You gave me words of encouragement – you said that it gets better and I just couldn’t see it at the moment. And that’s true, when we have a setback, it’s almost as if we are blind again to what was so obvious just a few days ago! Well Teresa, it got better (again) for me too, it took a few weeks, but it did. And it almost seems that when you recover from a new setback, you are on a higher plane than you were before. You will ride this storm, and on the other side you will be a step closer to where you want to be, I’m sure of it. xxx

  63. Luna Says:

    Hi everyone, I’m having a bit of a tough time at the moment. I kind of feel OK but am totally confused about what I should be doing. I’ve had worries and periods of anxiety over the past few years which I took to be OCD or GAD based on reading about them in self help books. I guess I’ve never had a formal diagnosis – my doctor originally listened to my own self diagnosis and gave me some pills and put me on a waiting list for CBT on the NHS. In the meantime I had to try to get better myself, which I did through sheer determination, but now with a ‘diagnosis’ hanging over my head I’ve never been sure that I was doing it the right way. I had a long period when I felt I had it under control but when it came back I panicked, assumed I’d been doing things wrong, went back on the pills and got some CBT privately through my work’s health insurance! Several months on, things have changed in that I feel loads better, but again I feel this is more through my own efforts than anything else. I still don’t have a clear diagnosis and the therapy has not taought me anything much I didn’t already know, although it has been nice to have someone to vent to and has given me more impetus in setting goals etc. I would love to believe that this means I can deal with this better on my own – through learning to recognise anxious thoughts, trust my common sense not my fear, and just getting on with life (a tactic I learnt myself but which I have since seen is very close, I think, to what Paul did and advocates! 😉

    SO, my question for everyone is, do you think I need an official diagnosis and targeted treatment for whatever is wrong with me, or to trust my common sense instincts and continue doing what is right for me? I’m beginning to think my relapse(s) are caused by panicking and thinking I can’t cope rather than an underlying cause, and that if I just keep positive, doing what I do and not worrying about cures etc I’ll be fine. But I guess I just need some other opinions on this. Am I kidding myself or have I hit on the answer?!

    Any replies would be very much appreciated! Much love to all who are struggling at present x

  64. Stephen Says:

    Hi paul, Scarlet and Candie

    Been doing really good latery and nothing really bothers me anymore, Most of the fears i had i just got bored of, i realised that if i was going to lose control, it would of well and truely happened by now as i have been suffering well over a year, and as i forgot about these feelings and thoughts they just stopped coming. Sure i get the random one but who cares, i dont anymore. I dont really panic anymore and feel alot more normal and life myself.

    Just a quick question, concering what i think is one of the last things that are bothering me, i still so some degree question my mood and ask myself how im feeling from time to time. And when i hear someone mention the word depressed i still think ” well how do i feel, do i feel down” its the only thing i still question, evey thing elce has gone. And ofcourse i make myself feel down by checking in on myself. and i have nothing to be down about, i love my job, my studies, my friends uno and when im distracted im completely fine. It just feels like its this dull ache that sits in me and preventing me from feeling 100% back to normal. I usually think abit back to my past suffering during these periods and is still somewhat a tendor issue with me. Is this normal?? i suppose im just scared of being depressed abit still, but being scared of something makes it so easy to feel thoes feeling i think.

    But i have to say what i said above is as bad as my setbacks get these days, which i am so happy with. It is so minor compared to what it use to be. Even writing this now has made me realise how far i have come.


  65. Lotty Says:

    Hi Luna,
    I think a diagnosis from doctors sometimes does you more harm than good personally. You are in such a vulnerable state that you are much more likely to be swayed by opinions that your normal confident self would dismiss. And no matter what they say, no one can truly understand, not even a specialist, unless they have been through it themselves. I went into a psychiatrist’s room for help with anxiety and came out with many different neuroses that I’d never even considered, such as abandonment issues, etc, etc. I ended up with more problems and more things to consider than I went in with!! I’ve been diagnosed with panic disorder, general anxiety disorder and depression over the years, but no matter what you call it, the way out of this condition remains the same. By all means, get yourself diagnosed if you are worried/curious, but I would say don’t take the result too seriously. Letting time and your body’s natural instinct for healing bring you to ACCEPTANCE is the only way to get permanent freedom… I have come across too many stories of recovery that say the same thing to think otherwise. xxx

  66. Paul David Says:

    Stephen you say: ” well how do i feel, do i feel down” its the only thing i still question, evey thing elce has gone. And ofcourse i make myself feel down by checking in on myself. and i have nothing to be down about, i love my job, my studies, my friends uno and when im distracted im completely fine. It just feels like its this dull ache that sits in me and preventing me from feeling 100% back to normal. I usually think abit back to my past suffering during these periods and is still somewhat a tendor issue with me. Is this normal?

    You still check in as it is your habit to do so, I was at exactly the same stage and understood that a few habits and feelings would linger around for a while. I was locked up in my own prison for so long, did I really expect not to have a few feeelings and habits hanging around? I have said it before if you let someone out of prison after 10 years, that person will take a while to adjust to normal living, they are free but a lot of habits and memorys will hang around, but the more normal living they pack in then the more normal they begin to feel, they also might think about their time in prison, it was such a big part of their life, they are bound to. So again just live with the dull ache, allow your attention to be on you, its just memory working alongside habit and will fade in time, don’t worry or question these times, just let more time pass.


  67. Patrick Says:

    Hi all, also been doing pretty good lately, not perfectly, but never expected to. I now feel pretty close to not being bothered by the symptoms too much at all, the fear has diminished massively and my attitute is gradually changing for the better. OK have the odd blip of fear, but nothing that I am impressed by. Even things which I struggled with before (I would be managing OK then suddenly remember a really really bad day from earlier this year, and I would sink), now memories are fading and don’t have much impact on me either. Even our great enemy impatience is not the problem it was – I would feel OK for a while, then get annoyed and sink a day later because I wasn’t “recovered”, whereas now I just feel so much more “relaxed” about the whole thing; a general “whatever” feeling. Not all the time, but the majority of the time.

    I have tried not to add to my obsession by constantly reading stuff, and have plenty of other stuff going on in my life but it still feels like my attention is always to a certain extent on anxiety – i.e. I can watch a film, read a magazine, do my job, but never seem to focus on something 100%, it’s like 90% on the task but one eye (10%) on the subject of anxiety and consequently the majority of the time I feel anxious to a small degree. If I notice I haven’t been thinking about it for a few minutes, it’s like a mad scramble to get back to it. I feel like this is an annoyance rather than a major problem if that makes sense.

    I have posted on this before but this is the one thing I can’t seem to accept and I realise I am “questioning” this symptom but it’s the one thing that doesn’t seem to improve. I don’t know why but feel this is the one thing keeping me in the cycle as I am sure I have made such progress with other aspects. Sleep patterns, irrational thoughts, physical symptoms, enthusiasm, mood, have all improved drastically in the past 3 / 4 months since finding this web site.

    I have read about this, the posts on the attention always been on me; the chapter on obsession in Claire Weekes book; and also the chapter on apprehension (or shadow anxiety) in Claire Weekes and I think this is the one thing where my understanding is not yet complete.

    Does anyone relate to this ? I am not 100% sure if I should just “let” myself constantly chatter internally about the subject or make some effort to not ? Or is it just that I still worry to a lesser degree about this constant chatter, and if I just let it be it will fade ? As I said, I find it hard at the moment to accept that that is what will happen!!

  68. teresa Says:

    Lotty, cheers and thank you. Some weeks you need the strength of others to spur you on. I have had a rough week, outside pressures plus a bad time with various symptoms. HOWEVER – even at my lowest point i know i have accepted, I don’t like the way I feel – and I do sometimes focus as it tends to dominate me because of the way it makes me feel. But I know that my understanding is so different. I still need support when I’m failing but the difference is I don’t feel alone and I do know I don’t need to do anything or think anything. I’m not searching for phrases to pull me through – just looking for friends who have been there and are coming through it too. You probably know how important those few words of encouragement are when you’re in a hole! Thank you for your support, glad you’re doing ok too, we’ll get there.
    Patrick – think you’re probably more chilled than me at the moment but one thing about what you’re saying does come to mind. you’re concerning yourself about what you should be doing about it – that very concern is the attention it loves. Try if you can for it not to be so important, I know it’s like a catch 22 situation, but believe me – it’s something that will come to you – you won’t find it by looking. You are doing so well be proud of yourself, gave yourself a break and accept the you you are at the moment, it will go, it all goes when we lose our fear of it. Good luck

  69. teresa Says:

    Just a few words for Luna – i agree with Lotty. There is one answer, it’s acceptance – try not to be too impressed by labels – they won’t cure you and may confuse you. Depending on the therapist and his/her experience they could be helpful in your recovery but I think the majority of people on this site that have recovered or are into recovery will say that a lot of them do tend to confuse you. Try not to be too impressed by their opinion and if you feel improvement from this site and Paul’s book, trust it. You need to lose fears and gain confidence – too many varying labels may well confuse you. Whether you have the therapy or not , make your mind up to trust your own judgement, and try not to worry about diagnosis and labels – they won’t get you better but your attitude will. Hope that helps.

  70. Patrick Says:

    Thx Teresa, I know I am concerning myself with the constant thoughts. I kust clarify these are not anxiety what ifs, it’s like what Nikki said in another post about an argument and then you replay it over and over in your head. I don’t feel I am trying to work things out or analyse etc. It is just like I cannot seem to focus on anything else, that is the only thing that worries me and yes, I can see why this will keep me in the cycle, even a cycle that is far less intense than it used to be! Everything else has got a great deal better apart from this constant chatter. I’m just bored of it now, it intrudes on everything and I find that really annoying. Most of the time, I don’t even feel that anxious, more “on edge” or “apprehensive” i.e. mild anxiety. Yes I still have times when the anxiety is greater, but I don’t place much importance on that.

  71. Patrick Says:

    Sorry that should have been must clarify not “kust clarify”!

  72. Scarlet Says:

    Diana, I loved your jungle analogy and the GPS system. Your posts are really inspiring, I love reading them x

    “Anxiety is like being caught in a very complicated, very scary jungle. We want out but have no idea how to get out so we get even more scared as time goes on. So we meet our classic therapist in the jungle who says, “well, what we need to find out is why there are so many trees in the jungle and how they all got here. Then we can move on out of the jungle.”

    “So we spend years trying to figure out why the trees are here. But the jungle is still scaring us and we still cannot find our way out of it.

    NO! All we need is a GPS system! Why the trees are here is of little if no importance if your in a panic! Paul and you all have given me my GPS system for getting out of the jungle. Sometimes the trees still scare me, but then I turn on the GPS again and eventually I can see the path out of the jungle again. I know enough about why the trees are here to last me a lifetime. I am ready to be away from the trees and basque in the sunshine.”

  73. Nicole Says:

    Hi again,
    I also loved your post Diana and your previous one last month. I found them inspiring as well. Especially when you said that you “are ready to be away from the trees and basque in the sunshine”.
    I have found that old happy feeling and I have given myself permission to feel this even when I am very anxious. I used to immediately (and still do at times) add a negative emotion and fear to all of my symptoms. I realized that this doesn’t have to be my only response. I can choose to let the fear come but also be happy and live my life.
    I have been home more with kids this summer which has given me time to think – sometimes good, sometimes bad and have been experiencing alot of symptoms and doubt however the more I educate myself the more I have to admit that this path of acceptance is the only true way to heal. Why fight? Why worry? Putting energy into these emotional states just doesn’t make sense anymore. Trust me I know how hard it is to implement these concepts (I am the Queen of setbacks!) but I also know it will be worth it tenfold in the end. As Paul has said in the past this experience will enrich our lives for the better. Paul – I was wondering in a future post if you might address this issue of doubt and resistance? When I stand back and look at what kind of mental attitude I should be taking to recover, it seems to simple but there is always this nagging voice of doubt that speaks up and creates all kinds of reasons to not go with it. It seems to be a big stumbling block for alot of us.
    Good to see you here Scarlet! Have a great day all,

  74. Nikki Says:

    Hi all,
    Hope you are all having a good day today.I am feeling odd.I have taken on board all the advice given here.I am trying to pack in the living,I beleive i have been doing this all along because with a family you cant not get on with things.I also realise i have not been fighting my feelings because actually if i could make myself feel better then i would.I am as patrick is at the moment not thinkning about hows and what ifs but aware of the anxiety and aware of how i feel ,it seems like 24/7.I do not like this either but there is no way of stopping it so i let it continue.Basically im just feeling rubbish and getting on with it i cannot ‘do’ anything about it.It will go when its run its course.This understanding doesnt stop the thinking though.It also doesnt help trying to adopt a dont care attitude when my body feels like im about to have all my teeth pulled.It seems as if my body is worrying so inturn this tells my brain i have a problem to solve which in turn makes me think about anxiety and then right at the end of the line there is me saying ‘no chill out its not real ,you have no problems just adrenalin’.I know when the feeling of nervousness leaves me and stops triggering random thoughts,I will also not be aware of how i feel anymore because nothing will remind me.It will just then be memories that remind which will take time to fade as new memories take their place.I have come a long way since february but still impatience is my enemy.I do sometimes find myself pondering how will i be a year from now-obviously this kind of thinking does not help.I have often said i dont care how i feel,What i mean is it doesnt matter how good or bad i feel i will do what i need to regardless it may be harder on a bad day but it wouldnt deter me.I sometimes find a fine line between the ‘feeling’or ’emotion’ and just sheer aching because i have strted to ache again.The aches had stopped earlier in the year but they are back now which to be honest is a bit of comfort because i feel that the emotional feeling nervous part of the anxiety is leaving and leaving me with the physical aches and pains which can be releived.In fact if i am nervous if i have a good stretch of my muscles i find the nervousness does dissipate somewhat.I also have a new insight into the working of the body i had thought that the body was purely physical and the emotions were a sort of capsule inside and the two were not linked how can a person be so wrong!!.I thought a strong mind and positive attitude would overcome any amount of stress, in a way it does but obviously it comes out somewhere and if i had had any idea that anxiety was so much more than just a worried personality( which is what i had thought) i would never have taken on so much .Anyway enough of my ramblings i just thought id post in case anyone else is at the same point at the moment .Bye for now x x

  75. Nikki Says:

    P.s I also when i have been concentrating on something else for a while remember i have anxiety and the label itself makes my stomach sink, its almost like i wouldnt mind feeling this way if i it wasnt called anxiety and was just overtired or something.I hate the idea i have anxiety which is another reason i would like it to be gone. I dont mind having suffered it and got over it but i just dont want it now.It stems from seeing this as some sort of weakness. That has always been the way i thought which is obviously what makes it harder to accept.I know these things are making my recovery process harder.

  76. Diana Says:

    Thank you Scarlet and Nicole for the lovely words. So nice.

    Nikki, yes the body and emotions are linked and effect one another. If you are feeling down, you might feel sluggish. If you are nervous, you might lose your appetite. And adrenaline is a perfect example of how the body reacts physically to an emotional state. When you calm down, the adrenaline stops being produced in excess as well, so you will automatically feel better by calming. We can help alot of physical symptoms, from IBS to headaches to body aches, by calming ourselves.

    Hating the idea of anxiety is probably not going to help you much. I have a feeling that acceptance will. it is what it is, Nikki. We are what we are. We have anxiety. We can’t stop that, but we can live with it and get better. We are not weak, in fact, we are strong to be puttin’ it all out here like this. We are sensitive and we are trying to do the best we can. Try to accept that this is where you are right here, right now, You will feel better, I hope. You have anxiety. Me too. So what! :) Other people have other things, and this is what WE got. But we are trying to deal, and have alot of help and support here as we try. Remember you are not alone, not by a long shot!!

  77. Sara Says:

    Hello everyone. I just found this site a couple of days ago and I was so relieved to read thru everything. I truly felt I was alone in my “disturbing and scary” thoughts! I was in such a scared and sickened state and this website was the answer to my prayers. I had no idea that those thoughts were “normal”. I thought I was just truly going crazy and turning into some psycho. Anyway, I really hope to get some help on here, and to be able to talk to people that understand. It’s been so frustrating to not have anyone to talk to that understands. So I am excited to be able to talk to some fellow “sufferers”. :)

    I don’t know if Paul reads these very often, but I tried purchasing his book with my credit card and it won’t let me. I was sooooo disappointed! I really want to buy it and don’t know if there’s another avenue in which I could get it. I would appreciate any help/advice anyone could give me.
    I’m in the U.S., but don’t think that should be the problem since I see that he ships all over the place.

    Well I hope everyone has a great night,

  78. Hayley H Says:

    hi everyone, i havent been wriiten on here for a while because i have really been trying to get on with life!
    I have been completely ignoring my DP and i dont really feel any fear anymore but im still a bit baffled as to why it hasnt gone?? its definatly less intense but im just wondering what is the average time for dp to stat around? I have no other anxeity symptoms and have never really been an anxious person so this scared the life out of me when this came on suddenly with a click of the fingers!!! its weird even now writing this i can feel my self thinking outward then being sucked back in again….. if that makes sense!! also i recently feel very snappy and angry… can this be down to an anexity side effect?? i hate feeling so rude and angry!!
    I hope everyone on here is ok and doing well x x x x x x

  79. Candie Says:


    Anxiety is not a weakness, it is simply a natural emotion which you have in excess because of one reason or another. You have learnt your mind and body to worry and now its got in the habit of doing so excessively when there is no real threat. Remember people get anxiety all the time, driving tests, job interviews… alls that is wrong with us is that we have stressed our bodies so it is in this state for no real cause now and lingering. Dont see yourself as having a disorder, see yourself as have too much of a natural emotion- really your main problem is you react to stress etc inapropriately, which is what got you here. You need to learn to dismiss things that cant be changed, dismiss silly little thoughts and accept the present moment. Learn to place minimal stress upon yourself, even if i owed out a million pound now i wouldnt worry about it, worry never changed anything.. worry wont change anxiety either it will prolong it!

  80. Lianne Says:

    Hi everyone

    I just want to say that i can relate to nikki very much. I have been suffering a few months now and I am also impatient when it comes to recovery. I have twin boys aged 22 months and have wondered how im going to cope having these awful feelings and being a good mum to them. Most days i feel like i just want to go back to bed,i think if im asleep im not worrying and when I wake up i’ll feel much better but i never do. Since reading Pauls book i now feel that i understand anxiety much more, i have made myself go out alone(1st time in ages)and felt a real sense of achievement when I did it but the next day was back to square one. I know this is gonna take time and still question if this is really just anxiety or something more. I dont think iv ever been so scared in my life. I am seeing a councillor at the moment and im on betablockers to slow my heart rate but i now know that accepting what I have is the only way to recovery. I have noticed that when I keep busy it does go away but sometimes im so exhausted I dont want to do anything,then i notice this tight knot in my stomach constantly, but the thing i struggle with the most is the dizziness it never seems to leave me. I did only read the book 4 days ago so its early days yet.

    Thanks to everyone who has written on here it does help
    Lianne xx

  81. mac Says:

    i have a question, how do u know if your thinking, i know it may sound stupid, but its feels like my mind is rambling all the time but i don’t know if im thinking or not, is this because of all the stress and worry i put on myself, also i would also drive myself thinking to myself if i was like my old self, would i be doing this certain task right now or would i be saying this right now…. its the constant inward that is bothering me….. does anyone have any words for me?????

  82. Nikki Says:

    HI candie

    I do already understand that how i feel about anxiety being a weakness is not true.It is how i have always thought it is not just anxiety it is anything other than ‘normal’ feeling.What i mean is when i was younger i suffered with ear infections and tonsilitis and when i was poorly i felt the same then as i do now about anxiety. I must admit since yesterday i have had another look at my claire weekes book and reached a new understanding off myself and how i am dealing with things.I beleive i have found the eye of the storm as she puts it.I beleive i found it quite a while ago.At present i can feel all my symptoms but im not worried about it i am just aware of them.My head was very cloudy and sparky with wierd thoughts this morning i didnt follow them or worry about them i know why they were there.I just had them and made my tea and got dressed.I feel unreal at times and things dont feel familiar but i carry on regardless understanding why.I think i have still been searching for answers to an insolvable question.When will it go? I know there is no answer except for when enough time has passed.I have very strong memories of feeling bad in certain situations and places but when i start to feel better these memories will change i understand that now.I have never been a worrier that is why i think i got here.I have always thought worry a useless emotion,which is why my body responded to the stress and then everything followed.I have never worried about job interviews or any of those things i can stand up in front of people and talk not a problem i am most certainly not shy.I think we all have to question anxiety until we reach a place of understanding that is comfortable and we feel able to continue without constant reassurance that we are doing the ‘right’ thing.I have realised what the right thing is and can see a light.I also think the reason i have posted so much is because i wanted someone to keep saying it will be o.k your doing the right thing keep on.I am going to continue to live as if i have no strange feelings,not worry about how i feel or how i think and if the day gets too bad find the eye of the storm and work with it there.I dont feel the need to come here anymore for answers ,maybe support on a bad day but iv found the path now.Thank you x x

  83. teresa Says:

    Nikki, just a brief blog – I can relate to what you say about job interviews and speaking etc – people think I am the most able and in control person, I suppose I am but not when it comes to this … but I agree with Candie, we have learnt to react badly to stress and we need to re learn our attitude. As Diana said we are sensitive and I think that typifies a lot of our personalities as well as our nerves. I really know what you mean about loking for someone to say ‘it’s ok you’re doing the right thing’. We mistrust our own judgement/voice and we thrash around looking for someone to reassure us (I really know how much we feel we need that) but it’s that lack of confidence that is holding us back. The moment we say – I don’t need to ask – I ALREADY KNOW – is the moment it does not matter anymore, when it doesn’t matter, it goes. The hardest part is having the courage/confidence to let go of the rails and say I can do this, I gettiing on with the day without looking for someone to make me feel better – and eventually the day gets better. It’s not easy Nikki – and if I listened to all my own advice I wouldn’t even be here now but our understanding is getting better and one day in the future we’ll ride the bike without the stabilisers, LOL. x

  84. miranda Says:

    hello all, i havent been on this for a while as i have been doing great 😀
    today though been feeling a bit down and keep gettin wats the point bla bla, my reaction to it isnt wat it was like 20 month ago, and when i think off it i have come a hell off a long way but it still upsettin and feel like ave been checkin in on myself all day on and off argh and then you start to get a sore head as my mind is workin overtime.
    its funny because when i get like this my thoughts automaticlly revert back
    to everything paul says in his book and i do have a better understanding and seem to be alot more positive about things and i am not so freeked out and scared. sometimes though i feel like im on this big high and my lifes great and the next day im looking for the same high then i think thats when i start questioning mysel prob a bad habit just sick of dwelling . i no this is a bad habit and because i have this fear it keeps comin back, thats when a say to mysel right miranda when i go in the shower i do not question it i just get in and get washed there isnt a second thought, thats because i have no fear of havin a shower, so when i start feeling dread about why are we her bla bla, its because i have the fear of it and thats why it keeps comin back as i am givin it respect so i do understand that am feeding feul to the fire but its waitin or tryin to overcome this stage. feel better now a have put this down. hope i make since:D
    sorry for beeing a moan today but needed to get my feelimgs outxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  85. lisa Says:

    miranda you say when i get in the shower i do not question it!!!!! so youv already given it respect, can you see??? when you get in the shower try how the bubbles feel, what the shampoo smells like, if your gonna blow dry your hair or leave to dry :-) yes your right it is habit , im still trying to break my last one but can you see what i mean??

  86. miranda Says:

    mmm, im a little confused here lisa sorry lol. a was just meaning things that you do everyday that i dont have anxiety over ,ie driving , getting washed. you dont have a second thought about it you just do and dont have any anxiety related symptoms.
    but as soon as i start thinking about been a mum and this is my life , the responsabilitie of it all. my head seems to be going round and round in circles its like everything magnafies, get that sick feeling in the bit of my stomouch feel sick cant eat sleep , racing thoughs etc.xxxx

  87. lisa Says:

    sorry miranda had a “blonde day” right you say your thinking about being a mum and all the resonsabilities that goes with it, i take it your not a mum yet?? will let you answer incase i post wrong 😉

  88. Michelle Says:

    It seems like every time I come here, the people who post right before me have already said exactly what was on my mind.

    Today wasn’t a great day for me.. sometimes this roller coaster is so taxing and I feel so tired. Yesterday was a pretty good day, and when I have good days, I mistakenly feel as if I’m “cured.” Then when the bad times hit, I feel back at square one. I feel as if I haven’t made much progress at all this year. Good days, bad days (i’m not talking run-of-the-mill bad days.. you all know what I’m talking about). I guess I haven’t noticed that my good days are more frequent or last longer then they did a year ago. That is discouraging. I feel like I do it all right– I don’t question my thoughts, I don’t worry, I ignore symptoms as best I can. I just feel like I should be better by now. Yes I know–the whole accepting thing. Accepting is so much easier on my better days! But why can’t the good days just stay! (okay, my little pity party os over for now).

  89. Jr Says:

    Viva la mexico! I have great news. My wife and I went on an 7 day Caribbean Cruise last week and even though I had high anxiety for a few days the trip was wonderful. I haven’t posted on here for about a month and I can’t believe how my mind and body is healing and regaining balance. Accepting is tough sometimes I had to get out Paul’s book on the cruise and re-read some chapters (while I was sunbathing!) to reminder myself of the way forward.

    I’m recovering, I really can’t believe that I’ve come this far. The old me from seven plus years ago is resurfacing and it’s been an amazing journey. One thing I’ve noticed while recovering is how the answers of how you fell into an anxiety condition or where it all started begin to surface…not by searching endlessly in your mind, but naturally as natural thoughts.

    I’ve thanked Paul and everyone on this blog so many times that I feel embarrassed to do it again, but Paul’s book and this blog have truly given me my life back. I’m not 100%…sometimes I think I’m as well as I’ll ever be, then, much to my surprise, another pocket of memory opens up and I feel even closer to the “real me”. This site and book are special…follow the advice and you’ll be on your way to freedom.

  90. Claire R Says:

    HI all..

    Wow, have not been on her for a whole have been on holiday last week.
    I did not have access to a pc, but that was a good thing.

    Has a few real ‘fear flashes’ as claire weekes says, but managed to get through them, but was incredibly difficult.

    Candie wrote a brilliant reply to Nikki on 22/8/09, about being on here all the time & treating anxiety like a hobby, I think not being able to access this site last week, has hepled me a teeny tiny bit forward to recovery.

    Thank you Candie, you say some truly heplful words to me & have helped
    me progress a lilltle toward recovery, not quite there yet though.

    Not sure if Nikki is still logging… But I am on Facebook, would love to put names to Faces too.. Let me know…

    Lots of love as always to everyone xxx

  91. Carol R Says:


    Am experiencing a setback at the moment but am accepting a lot of the symptoms.
    My main concern at the moment is the obsession of what are we all here for?, what is the point. ?Whatever I am doing it is there like a nagging toothache. Does anyone else suffer with this thought? any advice would be greatly appreciated. The thought seems so real and I can not accept this as a thought caused by anxiety. Thanks

  92. Fiona Says:

    Hi Carol. i really think that thought is conected to the unreal feeling that comes from mild DP that most anxiety sufferers have. Hence why ‘feelings of unreality’ are mentioned alot by Paul in is book and on the web site. Your anxiety will then come up with some thoughts to scare you along with this annoying feeling. Try and ignore the thought and focus your mind elsewhere. Its just a silly thought, honestly!!! xxx

  93. Fiona Says:

    Hi folks, i woke up this morning with a muffled/blocked right ear like it needs a good pop. Is this anxiety related? I’ve had the ringing in the past but not this feeling….. really annoying sensation. Dont know if it is just a normal blocked ear that may need syinging or if its related. Therefore i’m wondering do i do anything about it or just ignore it?
    Fiona xxx

  94. lorryt Says:

    hi all

    been keeping away as it helps loads, sounds silly but we all need a break, had a few blips, but they seem to get less intense and less frequent, and i seem to take less notice of em, i guess my practicing is really working. have to say its great and it means we can recover, slowly in my case but i am making brilliant progress. takes time but will wok !! have a great day allxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  95. Lianne Says:

    Hi everyone

    had a great couple of days ignoring symptoms as best as possible and it really helps. Thank god for Pauls book or i’d still be trying to understand whats going on with me. Going to ENT clinic tomorrow to see if my dizziness and muffled hearing is to do with anything else dont think it is, iv accepted its all part of my anxiety but will see! Will let you know, keep up the good work everyone!

    Take care all
    Li xx

  96. mac Says:

    does anyone get the feeling where u say to yourself…. if i didn’t have this constant anxiety, would i be doing this or would i be saying this? how do u get rid of this feeling and how do u just “be” and not let anything or feeling bother u????? this constant feeling of me thinking is very frustrating because it has be 3 straight years and feels like everything is just passing me by and i can’t enjoy the things i used to. can someone explain for me???? thanks everyone…. MAC

  97. Candie Says:

    Mac- its not about stopping yourself been bothered by them, its about acknowledging thats its ok to feel like this.. trying to stop yourself feeling this way or been bothered by it is fighting, allowing yourself to feel this way gives room for recovery and eventually you arnt that bothered about anxiety. Not been bothered never comes first, that comes when you allow yourself to be this way. Put it this way.. you have coped for three years, so why not step out the way and allow yourself to cope without the mental tug for recovery.. its much easier to allow then it is to battle with yourself over it.

    Fiona, i dunno if its anxiety related.. i never had it before to a week ago, mine was for a day or so.. didnt frighten me though just made my eyes water. Think mine was trapped water lol.

    Alyssa, you are not bad, majority of us have thought like you at one point or another. Anxiety makes your mind think the worst thoughts, sort of little pretend scenarios created by the imagination fuelled by adrenalin. Think of it this way, adrenalin prepares us for the worst, so if where releasing it for no reason we are going to imagine the worst to link the fear to something.. the reason it feels so real, sort of possible is because adrenalin causes the fight or flight, and if you panic at something it will fight to stop it.. which can feel like an urge to do something, but really what you feel is simply the fight or flight response- its silly really as you are controlling and fighting something that was never gonna happen anyway. The trick is to not read into it so you dont stimulate the nerves to release loads more adrenalin, it can be done. I managed it and so will you, i was just as bad as you at one point.. now i lead an absoloutely normal life, im happy and have a baby too. In the early days when i had no confidence i used to always remember, bad people that do bad things dont worry about doing it before hand. Your simply tuning into the anxious mind and taking everything as the truth, when none of it will EVER happen.

    Claire, glad u like my posts :)

  98. mac Says:

    thank you!!!!

  99. Johnny p Says:

    Hey all,
    I doing ok now but the adrenalin is gone actually like the rush when thing get exciting but I still get these thought of hurting someone for no reason and it gets me so upset. The people I love it hurts to think I would hurt them or anyone else for that matter. That’s the thing that’s been holding me back the most. Its hard to dela with it and being scared one day of getting so sad that I would want to hurt myself scares the hell out of me. Need any advice.

  100. Carol R Says:

    Hi Johnny

    I too used to get the thoughts that I would hurt someone, but now, even though I get the thoughts sometimes, I know they are not real. I have learnt to just accept them and even laugh at them. I used to have a thing about stabbing someone with a knife and on a recent holiday with my family, I picked up a kitchen knife whilst cooking and thought to myself” I could stab my sister in law with this”. She was helping me in the kitchen at the time and I just laughed to myself and thought “oh, you again is it. Ha ha, very funny, not thought that one for ages!” Just accepting it as a thought and nothing else cures you of your fear. Beleive me, I have had anxiety for nearly two years now and although am still in the recovery stage, you learn to accept they are nothing more than anxiety playing tricks on you. I have not yet hurt anyone, and know I never will. I also worry i will hurt or kill myself from time to time, but accept that too is just another symptom. Beleive me Johnny, you will never hurt anyone or yourself. You would not be worrying about it if you were a bad person.

    Take care. x

  101. Ben Says:

    Not been on here for a while, mainly because I have been taking the advice and it has been working reasonably well. However, although my anxiety state seems to have decreased somewhat in the past few weeks I have started to get this horrible crawling/sensitive sensation all of my skin. I had it years ago and it randomly went away and now it is back… Just wondering if this is a common physical symptom of anxiety and if such should be accepted and dealt with accordingly ???

    It’s weird as the more I think about it the worse it gets which is sort of how anxiety works! This got me thinking even more as to whether I just need something to worry about, i.e. sometimes its about social situations, now that that has subsided I am worrying about why my skin feels funny etc… it’s like part of my brain is always searching for something!

  102. Fiona Says:

    Hi Candie, yeah it was just an anxiety thing. It was gone within a couple of hours….. the joys!!!
    How is the baby? Are you enjoying motherhood? I’m so clucky at the moment…. friends and work colleuges are having babies all over the place!!! xx

  103. Sara Says:

    Hey everyone,
    It’s been really nice to read everyone’s posts and see that I’m not alone in my anxiety. Can anyone tell me if they’ve had words or phrases that stick in their head and won’t leave? Because of some of the scary thoughts that I’ve had, I’ve gotten some words stuck in my head that won’t go away and it’s really frustrating and annoying. I guess maybe it’s because these words bother me, but it’s hard to ignore when they keep coming and when you see certain things or people, they remind you and come then, too. Does that make sense? Does anyone have any suggestions for this or has anyone else struggled with this?

  104. Fiona Says:

    Johnny P, carol is right about that thought EVERYONE gets it…… god knows why?!? Particularly the knife thing!!!! Its a strange one but its part and parcel. Dont worry when you start to move on from anxiety you leave these thoughts behind, you need to cut off these thoughts like any scary thought dont entertain it. Takes time and practise but it works.
    Good luck :-) xxx

    Sara, words and phrases stuck are part of the obssessive thinking. They are hard to ignore but you have to try and remove your focus from your thoughts and onto other things, cut off the thought, see past it and see it for what it is… time and practise required i’m afraid xxxx

  105. miranda Says:

    hey lisa:D
    yes i have 2 kids one is 21 month and the other is 13weeks:D

  106. Sara Says:

    Thanks, Fiona. What do you mean by “cut off the thought”? How do I do that? It’s so stupid because they are just words, but they are really sticking and bothering me… which is probably why they’re sticking but even when I try not to let them bother me they keep coming. I feel like I’m getting some nervous tick or OCD or something. It’s so weird… Have you recovered from anxiety? It’s so frustrating because I had such a great day yesterday and was doing so well and today I feel like I’m back a few steps. Also, I don’t know if it’s something that’s bothered anyone else, but I literally feel like there’s a lump in my throat almost constantly. I’ve felt like that for about 2 or 3 weeks now and it’s so annoying. It gets to the point sometimes that I feel like I’m going to choke. I try to breathe and relax and everything else but it doesn’t go away. Anyway, thanks for listening and thanks for the advice. It really is so nice to have a place to talk to other people that understand.

  107. christina Says:

    Hi Everyone,
    Well, I had a couple of quite good days, and seem to be coming a little closer together.(though I’m trying not to use that as some sort of watermark to speculate when things will be “clear sailing”) It is very nice to feel so much like yourself, so much lighter, and integrated. By the same token, it is a bit hard (might be an understatement) to then hit some rougher waters. You kind of look back and think, “what’s different about today, as opposed to yesterday or the day before?”. I know Paul would say don’t compare days, don’t put pressure on yourself to make it good. And I’m sure he is right. It’s the old adage, “it’s simple but not easy”. Anxiety turns your focus inward in an unpleasant way. When you feel less anxious, you become more outward, less aware of your body and mind. So the key might be that when you are anxious do outward things while invariably still feeling enclosed. It seems we tend to be hard on ourselves, judging how we are feeling. Do you think that tendency is there even without anxiety?
    Sara, I know what you mean about words getting stuck in the mind. I have had that before. Now I’m tending toward having a thought or image that is not very pleasant. But this I know, when I’m having a day with little or less anxiety, words, images, thoughts, are much less and not so distressing. Eventually, they won’t come at all. I can say this because I have had anxious periods a number of times, and these different components of anxiety are just pieces of the whole. They are only fueled by anxiety. Look forward to more good posts. It’s a comfort to hear from you all.

  108. Tracey Says:

    My obsessive thinking started with words/phrases also. I would get stupid words stuck in my head like things people said or from tv and it would bother me also. but I can tell you this I don’t deal with that much anymore, it sticks to you for one because your mind is tired and its a habit and 2 its your reaction to it. I know it seems almost impossible to not react but its the anxious feeling you get to it that’s causing you to react. So really all you have to do is let that anxious feeling come and not add to it by reacting. You’ll realize after awhile those words or phrases won’t bother you anymore and they almost disappear. Plus I don’t know about you but with me, it was kinda like I went searching for it only because I would check to see if I was thinking the words/phrases or if it bothered me… basically what you need to do it let it go and try not to hold on to anything (words, phrases, thoughts etc) i know its hard, cuz I’ve been there and still am once in a while. You’ll get there, good luck Sara :)

  109. Sara Says:

    I’ve had problems with the unpleasant thoughts and images as well, but those aren’t as frequent lately as some of the unpleasant words or phrases (that I’m sure stemmed from the thoughts and images). Yeah, I think you’re right about searching for it. Sometimes I realize I search for it and then sometimes I think subconsciously I search for it if that makes sense. But they are triggered by all kinds of different things and so even just looking at people will bring them up sometimes. It’s like I can’t escape them! Haha… :) And then if I have one of the words or phrases come up, sometimes it will lead to an unpleasant thought or image. It’s like a vicious cycle.
    Also, I think I may have asked this on a different blog, but regarding the disturbing thoughts, I’ll be ok sometimes and they aren’t so scary and then sometimes they become scary again and I have to remind myself that I’m not going to do whatever that thought is. Is that wrong to do? Am I not accepting them by telling myself that it won’t happen? I’m sorry, I probably sound so retarded, but I just want to make sure I’m doing things correctly because I really want to recover from all of this. Sometimes I feel the need to tell myself why I won’t do those things, but I don’t know if that’s bad. Do I just have to accept the uncertainty of everything and not try to come up with a reason why I won’t follow thru with the scary thoughts? It’s like if I don’t come up with SOME reason why I won’t follow thru on the thought, then I get worried. That’s probably not the right way to do things, though. Anyway, I appreciate everyone’s help and feedback! It sounds like so many of you are making progress or have already made a lot of progress – that’s awesome! Thanks for all the advice!

  110. Candie Says:

    Sara, Unpleasent words or phrases are intrusive thoughts. I used to have one phrase rattle about in my head for two years, convinced i would shout something embaressing out in a moment of madness i was. Now i see how ridiculous it was, but at the time i didnt dismiss it and was anxious so it felt real. Telling yourself stuff wont happen is fine, its a form of dismissing thoughts.. i have done it ofthen :)

    Back to reply to everyone else later when iv got five mins, baby is teething bless him

  111. Patrick Says:

    Hi all, been really positive and confident for the past few weeks then wham, today back to feeling doubt and seem to have lost faith overnight! I wouldn’t label it a “bad day”, but finding it harder to “laugh it off” today, and now I am annoyed with myself for letting it get to me.

    Disregarding today though, even though I have been really positive it seems a bit like groundhog day. Everyday I wake up and feel slightly nervous or apprehensive, there then seems to be a surge of adrenelin, the effects of which usually last an hour or two until mid / late morning, then the rest of the day is spent with mild anxiety / apprehension, but even though I can concentrate on what I am doing, my thoughts are always “on me” to a certain extent. I am so bored with this aspect and it is the one thing I cannot seem to get my head around. People say focus on other things / introduce more into your life etc etc. I have never been busier, could not realisticaly fit more into my life and as for focus on other things, I have no trouble doing anything, but it’s always with “one eye” on how I feel. Even if I feel mildly anxious (which doesn’t bother me, and is me most of the time) I still check every moment, how do I feel etc. Even on the odd moment when I realise I haven’t been “checking”, I go straight back to it. I really do not seem to have any control over this. Can anyone who is near recovery or recovered relate to this and offer any advice as I am sure this and my attitude toward this is holding me back ? I have made much progress in other things – I rarely have crazy anxious thoughts, I am rarely bothered by how I feel, but yet still I cannot seem to stop constantly checking how I feel, or thinking about how I feel and I am sure this is the only thing that bothers me! I have had anxiety many times in my life and it has always been a “morning” problem for me, but in the past as soon as the adrenelin surge had past, I carried on as normal, and these episodes only lasted a matter of days so I never ever got hung up about it until this year.

  112. Fiona Says:

    Hi Sara, i’m not recovered but i’m well on the road, in fact it just doesn’t bother me anymore so i dont really think about recovery. Dismissing a thought requires you to think back to what your thinking was like before you had anxiety and enjoyed good mental health. You would think about things but thoughts would pass through your head without much attention, you would maybe focus on a problem for a while but then let it go at a suitable point. You have currently lost the ability to let your thoughts float past, dismissin gis about nit grbbing on to thoughts and allowing your thinking to become relaxed and floaty rather than intense and grabby (does that make sense). Just say ‘i cant be bothered thinking about that’ and move on. You could do it before you just have to learn to do it again.
    Hope that helps xxxxx

  113. christina Says:

    I was wondering if any of you have experienced a feeling of deep muscular aches, or burning feeling in your arms or legs. Is this a side-effect of anxiety?

  114. Tracey Says:

    yes christina, I used to get that all the time, in my earlier anxiety days. I was so tense all the time and it caused my chest muscles to be all achy. it’s all just an off-set of anxiety. relax and don’t think to much into it and it will pass.

  115. lisa Says:

    thanks miranda, so what are your worries about you being a mum??

  116. Hayley H Says:

    Hi everyone, i am having a setback at the moment! iv been doing so well these last 6months and was really getting better regarding my DP. I have truely been paying it no attention and iv not been scared about it at all but recently iv been told iv got to have an mri scan and obviously it worried me and now all of a sudden its come back! its really scared me and i feel like iv lost all hope again! do you think that because i am inward thinking it has become more intense again? i am really trying again to pay it no attention but i keep feeling nerves go through me like i did have all those months ago when my DP first came on! sorry to go on i just feel lost and need reassurance thank you so much x x x x x

  117. lorryt Says:

    hi all
    im back , should be a happy day for me, daughters birthday, had a party indoors and having a barbequeue. feel like s**t. sinking feeling in my gut again and i feel i wanna cry . silly been so nice f or a while , setback i guess, always the same thoughts come back to me. just a blip on the radar , hard to acccpet today dunno why,. might have a few glasses of wine later and give myself a talking to !!!. thought i was coping quite well with it all
    Hayley, in the situation i would be a little nervous with whats going on your health is always a concern. just keep on doing what you do to get through, believe me you will get there. if oyu are worrying about the mri scan its bound to bring on anxiety. mine comes with worry .just think that you are having an mri scan and add no more what ifs to it.
    try and have a good day all , xxxx

  118. christina Says:

    Wow I could use some encouragement. I had more good days in the last week than I’ve had in a long time, then bam, the last three days have been so hard. It’s like a led balloon landed on my head and heart. I feel tears coming on and I have to have a good cry. Just a few days ago I was at the mall with a friend enjoying myself. Can you guys relate to this wave of fear and despair descending after having some good days?

  119. Fiona Says:

    Hi Christina, it’s an up and down affair and thats what you are experiencing. When the symptoms return after a period of calm its just because its your habit is to feel that way. But keep the faith and draw strength from the good days you have had…. you’ll definately have more no matter how bad you feel this very minute. Its easy when the symptoms come back to be too impressed by them and forget they are only temporary. I can feel great and rubbish in the same day!!! Which makes me totally unimpressed when i get a surge of anxiety symptoms, dont get me wrong i dont like them but i dont let them bother me…. its ok to have them. They will go when they are ready, its just part of my body and mind readjusting. Remember this is a process, it will be good and bad until its more good than bad and so on until your better or you just dont care anymore. Hope this helps xxxxx

  120. christina Says:

    Thanks Fiona, I need courage. The mood dropping low is almost the worst of the feelings. I tell myself, I can handle anxiety, but the feelings of despair, insecurity, wondering when I’ll get a break again, and just being so tired from cumulative sleep deprivation, is a real challenge. I know it’s part and parcel of anxiety, it just seems to pile up and make it seem so bad.

  121. Fiona Says:

    Honestly, you’ll be fine. Its hard there is no doubt about but many many people suffer is the same way! Many people get through it! I went to watch the football today and felt crap (worst i’d felt for a while totally out of the blue) i had DP also but now i’m sitting here feeling relaxed and anxiety free. It takes time, it is up and down but you must stay postive and strong and this will build your confidence. Enjoy and recognise all your anxiety free time, even it is only for a few minutes…. encourage and practise that feeling in your self. Hope i’m making sense. When you get caught in the maze of anxiety it is difficult to see the way out. In fact you can be leaving the maze (reachng recovery) with out even realising it. xxx

  122. Patrick Says:

    Christina, I can totally relate to a period of good days being followed by utter despair. Up until last Thursday I was feeling so positive and was fairly easily managing to float past any symptoms and had been like this for a good two weeks, I was still anxious but really did not care, but Friday almost out of the blue I started to feel overwhelmed again by despair. The weekend was OK as I had plenty to do (felt a bit “fuzzy” but focused as best I could on what I had to do, but back to work today and feel the worst I have felt for ages! And yes, I hate feeling down, I can handle the anxiety when I feel positive. I suppose everybody feels down from time to time, but with anxiety it hits much harder, like everything else.

    Fiona, you are right, it is difficult to see a way out when this happens. Personally, I start to doubt any progress I have made, although I “know” that is rubbish. Just a form of anxious thinking I suppose.

    Fiona, you say you are nearly recovered – did you ever or do you still constantly think about anxiety / how you feel etc ? Or has this passed for you ? This is the one thing I stuggle with – most of the time I feel positive, and most of the time the anxiety is mild ish and tolerable, but I still think about it all the time. Occasionally I have moments when I realise my focus has been 100% on something else but not very often and it is just moments. I have read the stuff about the attention being on me all the time etc, but this is the one thing for me that has not got any better despite trying not to worry about it and trying to focus on anything else. This is pretty much the only reason I still visit the blog from time to time as I don’t quite understand why I still think about it all the time when my life is so full of other things . .


  123. LORRYT Says:

    i dont get why i cannot concentrate today my head is buzzing my heart is racing and all the usual thoughts have returned, whats the point, etc.i cant seem to float past it all today it has so much meaning and weight to it ,. or is it im trying to get things right in my head and thinking too much. i job share and i was informed that my job sharer is going on a course and i went into panic about that ?. i feel total loss of confidence today and doubt my total recovery , feel like things are being very inwards again. all i want to do is recover but i cant seem to get my head round anything anymore??????. any advice.

  124. Carol R Says:

    Hi Lorryt,

    It sounds to me like just another setback. I have had a few and I know what you mean about losing confidence in your recovery. I too get the thoughts about what is the point etc but you will pull out of this, I know. Whenever I feel like this i keep myself busy and tell myself that I can feel good and it is just part and parcel of recovery. I know the feeling is horrible, but just accept it and go with the flow. We are all in this together and are here to help each other. We will be fine, I am sure. Take care.

    Love Carol R

  125. lorryt Says:

    thanks carol, i know when things are good we can accept everything, but as soon as things turna bad corner off we go again, . i try and stay away as i know i have the tools to get onand get better, but sometimes i cant cope at all . thanks guys means loads to help me get back up again sorry to go on , i have to keep reminding myself how good i am doing .

  126. Fiona Says:

    Hi Patrick for me the last symptom is mild dp, i done really have any anxiety symptoms but the dp bubble is still to busrt. I dont think about anxiety that much but do find myself looking for dp symptoms. But its mild and i’m practising letting be. Symptoms dont just disappear its a very gradual process. Try to stop monitoring your progress and thinking about how you felt yesterday or last week, whether it was good or bad. Its all good!!! xxxxx

    Lorryt, hope your symptoms pass soon and remeber they always will. You left a positive post last week saying how good you feel and that progress is there in the background. xxx

  127. Fiona Says:

    Has anyone heard of or used the Linden Method? i’m not much of a googler but i had a looked at there page. Paul has always said to be wary of sites that promise instant or near instant cure. I’ve never been one to look at them myself either. But his description of DR and DP symptoms where quite accurate and that makes me think he may have some knowledge in the area.
    Thanks fi xxx

  128. christina Says:

    Hi all, I have probably been on here too much. It can become too much focus on anxiety, but at times, I suppose, cathartic. I just feel I need to throw out a few things. One of my “interesting” symptoms is the feeling that I’m getting a bladder infection, complete with frequent urination. It comes with anxiety, and greatly subsides when I feel less anxious. I haven’t heard anyone talk about this and it seems kinda odd. Oh well, this whole condition is. These last several days have been challenging, I feel like a low gray cloud is pushing me down, and my body is firing off tingling sensations. Sometimes it’s not even a complete thought, almost an impression, and a little panic punch in the middle. Basically, it’s back to an over awareness of self, mind and body. I have had a few short periods today where it lessens quite a bit. But whenever I remember it, it drags me back. It’s amazing how exaggerated a feeling connected to a completely innocuous thought, such as, “I need to go here or there or call so and so”, etc., can be. We do focus too much on the bad feelings, I guess we have a lot of practice. I want to start practicing something new and good. It’s there for all of us. We have spent the great majority of our lives NOT in an overanxious state. Maybe we had behaviour patterns that made us vunerable to it. Maybe we said yes too many times when we should have said no, or vice versa. I think we have to begin to put in place those new ways of handling other people, stress, and decisions, that will make us feel more powerful; like we have our own voice. I’m not saying we were completely non-confident or doormats, but speaking for myself and several others I know personally who have struggled with anxiety disorder, there seems to be a tendency to let some people in our lives have to much sway. It’s all about balance. Right now I just want to let the body find its’ strength, and the nerves to become less sensitized. For myself and all you wonderful people.

  129. Nicola Says:

    Hi Fiona,

    I have tried the Linden Method and I guess it must work for some…but be aware that the whole method is based on distraction and keeping yourself busy and not talking about your anxiety at all with anyone. I just found it to be a bit cold and I felt very lonely and guilty that I wasn’t occupying myself 24/7. It must work eventually I guess but I felt that I ‘couldn’t’ distract myself long enough for the the subconcious to ‘retrain itself’. It does have great advice about anxiety symptoms and what they mean (or don’t mean) and good advice about steering clear of drugs – again nothing new that you won’t find here.

    I believe that Pauls’ advice of acceptance is the key and it is (slowly) working for me. Also at the start you do need a bit of moral support which I get from reading this blog….

    There is nothing that you need that you cannot learn from Paul’s book and this website and I believe this with all my heart – you don’t need to pay huge amounts of money to find ‘the answer’.


  130. Patrick Says:

    Fiona, I started with the Linden Method when I first started having problems and I firmly believe it made me worse. Like Nicola says, it seems to work for some but all it did for me was fill my mind with more fear. It is based mainly on distraction techniques – basically get a new hobby and your anxiety will disappear. Well I tried everything I could and when I got nowhere, I took advantage of their councellors who advised me to try a different “hobby”. They said the amount of time I had anxiety, I should be cured in about two weeks. When I wasn’t cured in two weeks, I just felt worse. If you read the testimonials, most of them seem to be from people who thought they were “dying” and when they realised they weren’t they got better. i.e. the fear was removed. It seems to be aimed at Agrophobia and people who have frequent panic attacks more than GAD. He even says, recovery from GAD is a little more complicated; but doesn’t explain why! My symptoms are GAD like, and I never really had panic attacks.

    I firmly believe if I had found Paul’s website instead of the Linden Method, I would not be in the situation I am in today! I have had anxiety episodes all my life but just accepted them and they passed pretty quick. It was only when I went looking for that “quick fix” that things started to get worse for me.

    There is nothing in the Linden Method that is not covered much better by Paul.

  131. LORRYT Says:

    How quickly things can change when you let things go . although i am really tired , lack of sleep, up all night worrying about everything, today things have settled a bit and my practice is starting to work slowly. it is such a rollercoster its unbelieveable. very hard but not gonna bother to try and understand it as it just makes it all worse for me as i think too much anyway !.

  132. Patrick Says:

    Eek, another bad day! I know to just float past this and not be too bothered by it but it is difficult. I know in the background progress is being made and that maybe tomorrow or the next day I will feel my best yet ( seems to be the case with bad days ). Just bl**dy hard to not react to that inner voice today that says “I’ll never recover”, and hard not to dwell on how I feel.

    I’m also aware that I have been reading the blog a bit too much. It seems I have become afraid of the constant inward thinking. No place or situation bothers me, but I fear that if I can’t stop thinking about anxiety or checking how I feel for longer than a minute here and there then I am stuck with this! I rarely have panic inducing “what ifs”, actually that was the first symptom to go for me after understanding why they were there.

    It is like no matter what I do, the checking is always there. I don’t want to think about it all the time, my life is so full of interesting stuff, but the anxiety thoughts dominate. It does not matter to me anymore how I feel, most of the time I feel OK ish, but still does not stop me constantly thinking about how I feel, which I think in turn is constantly reminding me of anxiety. I guess I have accepted how I feel, but am finding it hard to accept for now that my thoughts will be inward focused, and hence this aspect of the condition has not clicked with me yet.

  133. christina Says:

    Thanks Patrick and Fiona for responding to my posts.
    This darn thing is in part a really bad habit. I had a good night sleep last night, woke up with no anxiety, and then “remembered” I have anxiety, and then was off thinking about it and getting symptoms. I know what you mean Patrick about feeling inward. Maybe we should just learn to give ourselves a break!

  134. Fiona Says:

    Hi Nicola and patrick, i’m not planning on trying the Linden method…. too commercial. Dont trust anyone who is trying to make money. I do think he gave a good description of derealisation symptoms. Hope everyone is well and has had a good day. I had a busy day at work AND went to the gym (yes i know, impressive!) now have my feet up!!
    Hey Lorryt, good to hear it passes quickly, remember its up and down…..even during one day!!!
    Fi xxxx

  135. Candie Says:

    I have read linden method. Its crap! Site makes it look really good for anxiety, but alls he does is tells you his story of how he got it… then basically tells you to ignore your anxiety aswell as giving you a million reasons which could be the cause from Diet to drug withdrawl. Not helpful at all, he makes out it cures obsessive thinking too, but the section about it was crap too! Luckily i never paid for it, its a big letdown.. i feel really sorry for all those who buy it thinking it will cure them

  136. JR Says:

    Been there, done it with regards to the Linden Method. Like Candie said, it was a major letdown. The bottom line is they don’t know the way out of this condition…which can be found right here.

  137. mac Says:

    i guess the thing is with myself is i keep monitoring myself when i don’t even realize im doing it, i keep looking inward and i never have a chance to be outward throughout the day and never get a break for even 5 minutes. im soo consumed with myself and how im feeling and thinking that it just bothers me. how do i stop this when idont even realize im doing it????

  138. Luna Says:

    Hi all,

    Just a thought that has always bothered me – are intrusive thoughts just part of general anxiety or are they always an indication of OCD? Or is OCD just anxious thoughts with compulsions added in?

    L x

  139. Nicola Says:

    Hi Mac,

    I am by no means an expert and am not fully recovered although I am on my way…but you say ‘how do i stop this…’?

    The whole crux of the matter is that you DON’T try to stop anything. The way you are feeling right now with all the weird checking on yourself etc…you have to accept that that is just the way you are for now. As soon as you do it loses its importance. Like Paul says just for one week know that you are going to be feeling weird etc and dont’ try to stop it or think about how to stop just let it be there and sit with it…

    So hard to explain – have you read Paul’s book – he gets that message across so much better than me but you have to realise that trying to stop anything will keep in you in the anxiety trap. Realise that the weird thoughts bother you and that its OK that they do but it won’t be forever.

    I hope this helps you a bit:)


  140. mac Says:

    thank you sooo much

  141. Nicole Says:

    Hi Candie, Scarlet, Paul, Diana, Kashawn (whoever can help!)
    Hope you are all well. I have been doing fine despite some stresses but I have a little hurdle that I hope you might be able to advise on – This sounds funny but I have developed obsessive thinking about obsessive thinking. Does that make any sense? :)…Soooo, I know from all of the ex-sufferers here that I have to stop analyzing but I am finding this harder than ever because I am placing so much importance on not analyzing and I can’t seem to get to that place of “allowing” and not fighting. It ALL feels like fighting and introspection. I have put so much mental energy into recovery and I know that I will get it one day….I am trying way too hard I know. Any helpful hints?
    Many thanks as always,

  142. Claire R Says:

    Hey all.. Candie please… if you are around, know u are busy with your Lil One?

    Candie wrote a couple of weeks ago, there are 3 stages of recovery..think i have mastered alot of learning part…


    Its just a quick question…

    But what does she mean about ‘Forgetting’? Please help xx

    Bit stuck on that bit…

    Lots of love to y’all

  143. lisa Says:

    claire r, candie means you learn, then one day you might forget to accept and start fighting or worrying , another day youl remember.when your mind is very tired you forget what youv learnt. :-)

  144. Fiona Says:

    I think forgetting is forgetting about anxiety, forgetting what it feels like, what the thoughts that scare you are all the other symptoms and just moving on from anxiety… leaving it behind and forgetting about it!!! xxx

  145. Patrick Says:

    Fiona I agree, memories of my worst days used to make me fearful, but now they are just fading memories and no longer have the impact they once did. If I get a memory of a really bad day earlier this year, it just gets no reaction from me anymore.

    One day I’m sure the whole episode will be a distant memory that will have no impact at all!

    Take care

  146. Claire R Says:

    Hi Lisa & Fiona

    Thank you so much for replying to me, I truly apreciate it..

    Think I kinda understand what you mean a bit better..

    Love Claire

  147. Candie Says:


    Claire R- What i mean by forgetting is allowing the memories of anxiety to fade. Not holding onto them by being obsessed with the illness. Forgetting is basically bringing other things into your day and making life about living not rumernating about anxiety. It comes naturally after acceptance, its a slow transition but you start to wake up and not think of anxiety and your focus is outwards. I wake up now, get my baby dressed.. go out, go shopping, go for meals, have friends round- all without anxiety on my shoulder. I used to be really bad for stuck in my head, had high anxiety and the worst obsessive thoughts.. all gone now really. I couldnt of got over this if i hadnt of let myself move on and drawn the line with reading about anxiety. When you trually accept the majority of the time you dont search for answers or need reassurance, just need to odd reminder and to refresh your memory in a set back. The biggest victory for me was to not come here and post every time i felt bad, i realised it was ok to feel bad.. i new why i felt bad and if i was posting here wanting some answer to make it all go away i wasnt accepting. Obviously people should post on here when they need to, not everyone is ready to go it alone.. .but there has to come that time when you take that leap of faith and become self sufficient with this. However what lisa says is also true, for a while you will get it one day, forget it all the next and fight again and get scared and bewildered. Thats normal, the bad days just get less and less very gradually. When i look bad at how bad i really was, im amazed i can feel this well again- its there for everyone if they let go. Took me a year id say to learn to accept fully too, so dont think you wont get it ever if you dont now.. some people get it straight away as they havn’t sunk as deep or have sunk that deep the only way is up! Where as if your like me it can take a bit of convincing that this is the right way.

    Nicole, what your saying is normal.. to cut this habit you have to give yourself other things to think about and slowly let it fade. If something scares us we will ponder it through in our mind, i know i used to obsess over obsessive thinking. I had certain thoughts that rattled about in my head for about two years, from the moment i woke up till the moment i went to bed. No i dont have any obsessive thoughts at all, i can still think anxiously when im anxious but it never goes beyond the moment as i cut of from it like a none anxious mind would now. Dont try getting round this in your head, face any fears you have and focus else where. Dont try to hard to focus else where mind you, as that will only make you watch yourself to see what your focusing on! Just get involved with life, other things… even if you dont feel like you would enjoy it you have to do it.. as eventually you do enjoy it and your full attention is focused outwards.

    Luna, a lot of people have intrusive thoughts and not anxiety, however anxiety will make you over react to them and think there is more to them.. which is why we obsess and cant let them go. Now a lot of doctors class obsessive thinking as OCD, i dont think its the case however as a person is bound to obsess if they dont understand why they have the reaction they have. To me true OCD is washing your hands compulsively etc… a person with OCD will get anxious if they dont carry out a compulsion. With purely obsessive thinking the anxiety always comes first and then the thought.. which can lead to habits- however this all suggests obsessive thinking is really just caused by adrenalin and fear causing habits.

  148. Debbie Says:

    It’s so true what you guys are saying about learning, forgetting and recovery. When this started a year ago I could barely walk into a store and thought it was such a big victory when I did. Now when I think about those couple of months it seems so silly. When I’m having good days it’s so easy to put everything into perspective. On bad days it’s hard to remember anything. I’ve come so far through this journey.

    These past three days have been pretty good. I’m just focusing on living for today, this is who I am today. I can’t worry about tomorrow. I’m trying to take a relaxed approach to everything and not be so worked up. It feels good. I know there will be setbacks and when they happen, I’ll just contine on with my day and know that this too shall pass.

  149. lorryt Says:

    i have now realised a lot of my anxiety is based around my hubby and his temper. although i have been with him foir 14 years now and have 2 beautifiul daughters and i worry mysefl that althoygh they are very well balanced children and understand that life isnt perfect and people certainly arent, they will end up with anger issues, although we all communicate very well and explain our feelings and emotions, i still worry. i am trying to release it and deal with everything on a daily basis. maybe this isnt the right place to get things off my chest, but i am too soft and get upset (although i am trying to toughen up!”).worry is my worst enemy and haunts me a lot.setback i guess but i try and address issuesbut i feel i amnot the one who needs to sort it out, it an only be addressed by him. sorry to go on. i guess i am a strong person underneath, and am totally family based ,stress sets me up for a setback and i need to practice acceptance. xxxxxxxxxxxxx

  150. Luna Says:

    Thanks Candie, you really are an inspiration to so many people on here. For me, you are a reminder that I can and have got over this before and will again, because the things you talk about in terms of your recovery, I can relate to from my own previous experiences.

    When I relapsed in the spring it was because things had been so good for so long I just freaked that it had come back, panicked that I didn’t know how to deal with it after all, and kind of ‘forgot’ what I had done before. Of course I hadn’t really forgotten – it’s just that it seemed ‘too easy’ to my frazzled brain. Of course it’s not easy, but it is simple, if that makes sense! I mean it’s hard to do when you’re caught in a spiral, but the concepts themselves are simple. Don’t fight, don’t analyse, don’t fear. Just get on with living and all will be well. And it really is in the end. Always. I just really need to have faith in this when the tough times strike, just as I have learned to do in my everyday life.

    I’m not quite out of the woods yet (love the GPS analogy!) because I ‘undid’ a bit of my good work recently by starting to worry and doubt my methods again, but I’m firmly on my way, even if I get a bit lost again from time to time.

    Hugs to all. I empathise with everyone in your tought times, but hope

  151. Luna Says:

    oops, it send too early 😉

    I meant to say, Hugs to all. I empathise with everyone in your tough times, but hope to share your joy in recovery too!

  152. Fiona Says:

    Hi Lorryt, you’ve mentioned about your hubby before. Thing is if you are having ups and downs with him your anxious state of mind will magnify your upset and blow it out of proportion. You are alot more sensitive to people actions particularly if they are being mean. Try and build your confidence by not letting anyone elses actions get to you, try and brush it off. I had a woman in my work being a total bitch and normally i would have laughed it off and thought f*** her but because of my anxious state i really let it get to me because it was a negative situation and anxiety feeds off. Now it has resolved its self and it ok. What i’m trying to say is beware that your not being over sensitive and if its not that you’ll need to tell him how his attitude is making you feel. I’m sure if he’ll be upset too know that he is upsetting you and making you anxious. Easier said than done i know. xxxxxx

  153. Nicole Says:

    Hi Candie,
    I agree totally about taking that leap of faith and being self sufficient with your own reassurances. In my more perceptive moments I feel deep down that sense of acceptance and have no need to come here or desire to read about anxiety. It seems to be only when I am confused and struggling but then I start the habit of checking in regularly which only makes anxiety more of an issue in my day.
    I think that at the heart of recovery, one has to have a deep sense of self-esteem that empowers you to face any fear, from a calm non-reactive place.
    If we all had this kind of confidence in our true selves and knew that we were so much more than the thoughts in our heads or sensations in our bodies then this condition would cease to evolve at all. That’s why freedom comes from understanding that we are all well, we just have an excess of adrenalin that has built up in our bodies that has created some bad habits and when we get out of our own way, things will naturally calm down and heal. Like you, I have anxiety on my shoulder through the day while I get the kids up, take them to school, go for my run or a yoga, make dinner etc….but I am getting better at just letting it be there. I still have the compulsion to pick at it at times and want to fix it however I am learning to let go as uncomfortable as it feels at times!
    All the best and I can’t thank-you enough for sharing your wisdom on this subject. You are very patient with all of these questions!

  154. lorryt Says:

    hi fiona

    its probably true, i get upset and off i go. i know no relationship is perfect, and my anxious state of mind doesnt help. i just wonder if i will ever recover!. he says hes just letting off steam and blows a gasket , and says its not personal, but i guess i do take it personally and thoughts often creep in of very negative situations in the future, im pretty positive its the anxiety taking hold and like you say blowing it out of proportion. just need to rein it in again and not let his strops get to me i guess, yet again practice letting it go. thought things were supposed to get easier…thnaks again xxxxxxx

  155. Hayley H Says:

    hi all i hope your all ok? im feeling quite down with my dp at the moment! i work in a nursery and im in the process of moving rooms which is making me nervous as the girls is my room are great with my anxiety and understand how i feel so maybe this room change is causing the dp to intensify?? sometimes through the day my head feels full up with fuzziness! i know that sounds weird but is it down to anexity?
    I feel very frustrated with having dp for so long now but im not worrying it will never go im just sad i feel like this year has been a bit wasted because i cant connect with everything! thank you for listening to me babble on! hope your all ok! x x x x xx

  156. christina Says:

    Hi everyone,
    Today I witnessed myself going from not really anxious at all, positive, feeling integrated, to those nagging little thoughts, some body symptoms and feeling spacey. I did it to myself even though I did not consciously want to. The power of habit and memory!! I know it will fade in time.

  157. Nikki Says:

    Hi All.

    Thank you Candie for the last peice of advice you gave me.You said to step back from the subject and i have.Im only posting today because i thought i would let you know how im doing.I really dont need to be here i just had time to write lolI have had a good couple of weeks a few moments of weirdness and all the usual symptoms but they dont bother me anymore and no sooner have i recognised that they are there than i shrug my shoulders and think so what! and its more than a phrase i actually feel it.I dont care.I dont worry about feeling nervous in situations, I dont think well im going out saturday i hope i dont have nerves that day because it just doesnt matter anymore.It is now memeories of really bad days that remind me of how bad things did get for example if i feel a bit under the weather i will feel more anxious than usual.I know even if i have a really bad time all this will pass, Its just a phase in life i am going through and sometimes i even enjoy feeling a bit odd lol.The penny has well and truly dropped i expect good and bad days i dont worry about when i will recover its not important ,to be honest i feel like i have recovered because i no longer engage myself in anxiety and dont care about the subject anymore let alone the symptoms.It is impossible to suffer when you no longer care how you feel I have found the eye of the storm and let it carry on.I also think accepting is like faith.A complete faith that this is only a fleeting blip.Albeit confusing and frightening.I feel ‘normal’ again even with the oddness and apprehension i dont let in anymore and its all down to this site.A million times Thank you x x

  158. Paul David Says:

    Hi everyone, Some great advice recently on here and the long post by Candie sums so much up and is so very true, I could not have put it better myself. Also I see many people now getting the message, trust me I was up and down, forwards and backwards, anxiety trying to make me doubt myself, me carrying on with my day, feeling so close one day, then so far away the next, until I realised that this was a process I had to go through.

    That is why I and Candie say, don’t let these times have you questioning everything again, it’s fine that recovery is not a straight line. You eventually get used to the up and down affair and just live alongside how you feel instead of questioning and fighting it, wondering why you felt so good last week and not this. Recovery has to be a process, we are not going to wake up one day and it’s all gone, which some people still seem to strive to.

    Once you have the right attitude you are well on your way, it is never about ‘ridding’ yourself, but more about your attitude to how you feel.

    Say two seperate people woke up feeling great for a few weeks and then felt awful, some negative thinking, feeling odd and withdrawn, anxious.

    One may understand that this is part of the process and although it’s not pleasant would not give it too much respect, knowing deep down that this period would pass. So although they don’t feel like it, they don’t let it stop them going about their day. So off to the shops, that hair appointment, pick the kids up, they may still feel awful but they focus on thier day and not how they are feeling. They may even begin to feel a bit more outward throughout the day, but they don’t watch or demand this. The next couple of days feel a bit testing, but not as bad and they are back to feeling themselves after a period of letting their body regain it’s balance, pleased that she did not let anxiety win, paid it minimum respect, did not waste their day trying to rid themselves of the feelings or spend wasted hours trying to work it all out, they remained in charge.

    Remeber anxiety causes both physical and emotional changes, but it is totally harmless, so don’t be over impressed.

    The second person wakes up feeling anxious, not with it and with a few anxiety based thoughts. First of all she lets her shoulders slump and can’t understand why she feel so bad, when yesterday she felt well, she gets anxious about feeling anxious, trying to scramble her way back to how she felt the day before.

    She feels she can’t face the day feeling this way and cancels her hair appointment, thinking what’s the point. She does go and pick the kids up, but has little interest in what they are saying about her day as she is so focused on herself and how she is feeling. She is now worrying and down about how she feels, she goes through the motions of the day obsessing about how she is feeling, tuning in, feeling things are hopeless and these dreaded feelings are back and no mattter what she has tried all day, she has not found any answers and no peace.

    She goes to bed and try’s to unravel the day, not understanding her condition and thinks she must have done something wrong. She wakes the next day feeling a bit better, but not much and begins the same routine of questioing and fighting, anxiety has won the day again and will get so much time and respect, she feels more distant now as she puts everything else on hold, she must get rid of these feeling, it’s all that matters and her day is one long battle with herself.

    Can you see the difference?

    The last person was me for many years, the first person was the one I became.

    Nothing comes overnight and it can take time for things to sink in. But as I tell people if we went on a course to learn a new language, we would need to be told the same things a few times, to ask a few question, to go to many classes to learn this new subject before it became second nature.

    The same as when we learn to drive, at first we forget things, make the same mistake a few times until we do it automatically. We don’t have 3 lessons and are able to take our test. It’s the same with anxiety, it takes a bit of time for the message to sink in and we begin to do things automatically.

    The best emails of success I receive come from people who bought the book or visited the site a while ago. They gave their body the time and space it needed, they allowed themselves to go through a process and did not expect the miracle overnight cure.

    Just to let people I will be doing another post in the next couple of weeks, I did do a question and answer one before and it went down very well. If anyone would like me to do this and theres enough of a response I will.


  159. JR Says:

    I may just breakdown and cry. I feel really lost and back at square one. I know I’m not back to beginning of this but it sure feels like it. If anyone can help, please post and let me know.

    I’ll be doing pretty well for a day or two then I’ll feel relief and have a somewhat clear mind. I can start doing things that I couldn’t do before, am more coordinated, and my mind opens up. I can soak in my information and remember dates and info better. But somewhere, and I can’t tell where, I get to a point where it’s no longer feeling good coming to me, but me trying to feel good. At the time I don’t really notice this, but I’ll start rushing around doing things quicker than usual and not thinking “I don’t need to relax. I’ll just keep pushing harder.” I’m very strong willed so I keep pushing thinking I’ll come through the other side. Then like yesterday, I so wound up that I can’t sit still, I feel like I need to be doing something but can’t find what to do. I feel lost and totally tired, but wound up at the same time.

    Yesterday I finally said that enough, I let all my thoughts and feelings pour out even though everything in my body and mind was telling me to keep moving fast. I slowed down and laid on the couch. My mind and heart just raced for a while. Then I have this calming feeling like I’m doing the right thing.

    But now I feel like I jumped back 6 months in my recovery and I can’t help but think it’s all my fault. It’s just so confusing. Is there something I did wrong that I need to learn to move forward and be 100%? Or is this just the process of recovery?

  160. Diana Says:

    JR, You have not jumped back. It’s really clear when I read this. The key is in the second paragraph. You innately know what you need, and when you started to feel that knee-jerk desire to push yourself to the point of depletion, you said,”enough” and you rested. And if you continue to listen to the voice which told you enough, you will continue along the right path. It’s all part of recovery, learning to read the subtle signals: the low level panic, the racing thoughts, the wanting to do a lot of things but not even knowing where to begin. I struggle with this a lot and can sense that when I allow myself to go and remember those golden words “SO WHAT” that I will sit on the sofa, or lay down, calm myself and then I am better fit to live in the moment.

    It seems to me that many of us with this issue have that knee-jerk reaction of “I don’t really need to relax”. It seems like that is our first thought. What we need to do is think again. Because when we think we don’t need to relax is exactly when we need to relax :) I think, anyway.

    It also seems to me alot of us tend to mentally over-process (ok, I know this is NOT a new revelation!!). We are the types that naturally want answers. I struggle with this as well, and am learning to just let it go, and say AH! Whatever! I will be ok. Trust me, it’s not the thing I have been doing for the last 35 years — the last 35 years have been about panicking myself into the corner until so little was left of me that I could not recognize myself in the mirror. That did nothing but make tatters out of me. I gave everyone the benefit of the doubt except for me. One of the messages which came to me loud and clear from Paul and Candie and Scarlet and Teresa and everyone here was — go gently with yourself. Be kind and go easy on yourself. Give yourself the same rest and respect that you would give another person who was as exhausted as you are. Treat yourself with love. Life is not easy for anyone, especially those of us who work ourselves into an adrenaline-overwhelmed panic on a regular basis AND are trying to not do it anymore!!

    So, I guess that was a long way of saying I think you did the right thing yesterday, let yourself relax some more and you are on your way even if today you don’t feel it. Tomorrow is another day.

  161. mac Says:

    hey its mac… i used to enjoy watching baseball, football and any kind of sport but now when i watch i feel like im not interested and i begin to worry as to why im not interested because i was always a diehard fan…. how do i not let stupid thoughts like this not bother me?????

  162. Kashawn Says:

    Hello everyone!!!

    Just checkin up on everyone, I hope everyone is doing welll. I have been doing real well, some days zero Anxiety. I want everyone to keep pushing on, to keep busy living your life and not focusing in on Mr. Anxiety as Paul would call it.

    If you feel bad, if you feel that too many irrational/bad thoughts are crossing your mind, let it all happen, let it all burn out, and focus on what you are doing!!

    Better days are just around the corner I promise, take care all XO.


  163. lorryt Says:

    hi all

    JR im at the same place as you. i have had no sleep , am completely knackered want to sit and cry my eyes out. stressy life stuff to deal with , oldest daughter is having probs at school, hubby same at work. i am so trying to be p ositive about it all but everyone else needs support from time to time and i just feel i cant do it. slippery slope and im feeling low again, scared that things are gonna get worse. keep trying to remember that its just a set back and i will ge through it, but keep fearing that things wont move on . i am going to work try and muddle through.its the worst i have felt for a long time and totally emotionless again.need to get pauls book back from a mate and re read it, havent done it for a while maybe i just need a refresher.just dont know where to go today or what to do feels like i have it all wrong. sorry to be back and go on yet again. xx

  164. Luna Says:

    I totally relate to Paul’s post above. I can be doing really well (like the first person), then I find anxiety catches up with me or negative thoughts creep in and I automatically assume I’m doing things wrong, that the techniques don’t work and I’m just ignoring the problem, so I start problem-solving again (person 2).

    It’s so hard to realise and trust that that isn’t true, it’s just that we’re so used to thinking like that, and THAT actually IS the problem, nothing else! We’re so used to looking for the fly in the ointment, assuming there must be something fundamentally wrong with us. It takes a real leap of faith to ignore that nagging voice and get on with living. But I’ve done it before. I will do it again. We all will x

  165. Luna Says:

    Oh, and also, I get a real kind of ‘guilt’ when I’m just getting on with living, because I feel like I’m ignoring the ‘problem’, so eventually I tend to cave in just to shut up the nagging voice, but of course that just drags me back in again. I’ve got to learn that it’s OK to ignore that voice because it’s not telling the truth. The ‘problem’ is that I have anxiety. So when I’m happily living without anxiety there IS NO PROBLEM – therefore nothing to worry about, nothing to deal with, no reason to stop living and start thinking. But boy is it hard! That nasty little voice starts bullying me, tapping into my insecurities – ‘you’re kidding yourself!’ ‘you’re cheating!’ ‘oh but, what if?!’ etc. When I’m feeling strong I can ignore it, but when I’m tired or low it can get to me.

    I’m sure you all relate to this, and I find knowing that other people get this too and I’m not a freak is a comfort, although I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. When I’ve had anxiety in the past I struggled with it alone, not knowing of websites like this (and this is the best!), so not knowing that others get exactly the same thing and it’s really nothing to fear and can be overcome, by doing exactly the sorts of things I have done myself in the past, without previously being confident they are the right things to do. Now I’ve found Paul’s advice, along with Claire Weekes and others at long last I can see I was doing it right all along, but being stuck in a bit of an anxious spell again it’s still difficult to implement!

    Much love to all. In my heart I know all this good advice on here is right and if we have faith and follow it as best we can we will be fine, we will get better. My experiences prove this. Let’s continue to support each other all the way! x

  166. Paul David Says:

    Firstly sorry for all the grammer mistakes in my last post, I really should read through before posting :)

    Lorrry you are just going through a stressful time with different things, just like anyone else would. You feel them stronger than the person who has never suffered with anxiety as your nerves shake more easily, adrenalin on bad nerves can make us feel dreadful, emotionally and physically. But allow yourself to feel awful if need be and let your body calm down naturally, don’t search for a way to calm yourself.

  167. LORRYT Says:

    I know everyone is right here and i shouldnt let other peoples moods affect me, but my sensitivity levels are through the roof, and the slightest thing sets me off. i know things will calm down EVENTUALLY, it just seems at the mo, my positivety has gone as have my emotions. it takes so long for things to settle again. but i suppose given this situation a few years ago i would have been in tears and panic attacks, and totally uncontrolled. some sort of progress, although i am continuing as normal so something must be working! thanks guys and sorry xx

  168. Paul David Says:

    Kashwan it’s nice to see you popping in and great things are still going so well, your posts and reply’s to others have been very helpful in the past.

    Hope things continue to go so well for you 😉

  169. Annie Says:

    Hi everyone. I’m not a frequent poster, and I could use some advice. I know how to handle situations that don’t realistically warrant any fear, but I just scheduled a mammogram for this week, and I’m really afraid. The last time I went was back in 2006, during the worst time of my generalized anxiety. The night before my appointment, I received an e-mail from an old friend of mine, telling me she had breast cancer. I was highly anxious during my test the next day, and even burst into tears during the exam.

    It’s taken me three years to summon up the courage to return. The test is in two days, and already I’m hyperventilating a little. I’m in my forties, and it’s within the realm of possibility that something could be wrong. Please, any words of advice to help me cope with this would be much appreciated. I dread the thought of the grinding anxiety the day of the exam.

  170. Carol R Says:


    I have been doing ok recently. I have finally come of the meds, very slowly I might add but recently have been getting the pounding heart, nervous stomach etc and do you know, I just accept it. It is funny that when you stop been scared of it, you hardly notice it anymore and it tends to give up. However, today i just had the thought of hating the way i was feeling. I kind of got this feeling that it had beaten me and was so fed up of it and just wanted to give up. I felt that this was me forever now and there was nothing anyone could do to help. Just wondered if anyone else has ever felt this way. I know my hormones are in a mess at the moment, so that does not help, but it is so hard to forget this feeling. I carried on at work and did manage to get through it, but when I feel like this, i lose confidence in my ability to accept this is just anxiety. Any advice would be appreciated. I can really say that this site is such great support. Thanks.

    Love Carol R

  171. christina Says:

    Carol, I know exactly what you are describing. I’ll feel I’m getting to the place of acceptance, and then I just start feeling like I can’t accept it. Once again, it’s one of the tricks anxiety plays on your emotions. As Paul has said, one day you get it, the next you don’t. Sometimes it takes a while to “re-get” it. You are in good company with these feelings. There is probably not a single one of us that hasn’t felt this way! We will eventually get past all of this.

  172. Carol R Says:

    Thanks ever so much christina. It means such a lot to have support from everyone on this site. It seems like such hard work some days and wonder when it will all end, but I suppose that accepting that fact is part and parcel of the road to recovery. Love to everyone.

    Carol R

  173. JR Says:

    Diana what you said about relaxing when we question if we should or not is very true. I push myself no hard and I think that is the reason I’ve have such a struggle with anxiety. For instance I watch the tv show “The Biggest Loser” which is a weight lose show, and think that anything that requires pure determination and strength I would be able to do. I struggle with trying to think my way out of anxiety because I’m so attached to the “do something about it” theme that you hear for most problems that people face. With anxiety, and I have to remind myself of this a lot, it’s a don’t do something about it that sets us on the road of recovery.

    Lorryt We’ll get through this together. We need to re-read just as you said and let the negative thoughts and feelings just flow through us without reacting. If we accept are bad setback days are numbers. So let’s have a whatever attitude tomorrow and enjoy our day the best we can!

    On a personal note, I’m getting my last two wisdom teeth taken out tomorrow. Yikes! Things like this don’t bother or make me too nervous. I just hope my jaw doesn’t swell up like a watermelon…

  174. Diana Says:

    I have had my buttons pushed like crazy the last days and am feeling completely exhausted. I notice that Paul’s original topic of anxiety in social situations is coming home to roost — with this exhaustion and wipe out, I want to just crawl up and don’t want to face anyone. I have had to confront a situation in the last days that has caused me a great deal of anxiety and while the confrontation is now over, I find myself completely drained and needing to find my way back to feeling well. Time to go back to square one: relaxing my mind, letting the anxiety be there, trying to rest when necessary, observing and letting go of the (extremely loud at the moment) mental chatter. I don’t feel like this is a setback, but that this kind of thing can and will happen on occasion but that there is a course of action to take to make it better. Relaxing my mind is high on my priority list today. I am hearing Paul telling me those key words — anxiety is the result of a tired mind, and mine is exhausted (it is amazing to me that I can recognize this now — it seems so basic — but I never realized it before finding this website and I never knew what to do with my anxiety either).

    Good luck with the wisdom teeth JR!!

  175. Annie Says:

    Oh well, my post never made it out of moderation before my test. I just returned from having it done, and it was normal. My anxiety was pretty high, but I made it through it anyway. I am glad it’s over!

  176. brian Says:

    Hi everyone,

    I was looking for some help. I am still not getting acceptance and don’t feel any closer to getting it than I did a year ago. However I USED to get it before that, I guess that was almost 18 months ago. I still remember how great it felt to accept, truly feeling your body heal and experiencing what true relaxation feels like. But after a few months of that, I slipped back into anxiety, and suddenly I didn’t understand anything and lost all my confidence. For a year now I’ve been doing everything possible to relearn acceptance but it isn’t working. I try different things almost every day, and I know that this isn’t the way to recover, but it’s always what ends up happening.

    I know Paul’s last post kind of addressed this, where you can’t go around all day wondering how to accept, trying different things and questioning it. I guess I just don’t get how to do this, I don’t get how to just “be”. It’s weird though because awhile ago (like over a year), I did understand this and made great progress with my anxiety. But now it just doesn’t click with me, and I don’t feel like it’s getting any closer to clicking. Does anyone have any advice with this? Thanks everyone

  177. Fiona Says:

    A question for the ladies!!!!
    Have you felt anxiety causes PMS symptoms. Every month i get a set back around that time. Last month i was tearful and emotional, this month i have PMS insomnia which means crap sleep and weird, vivid dreams and it always starts max a week before and goes just after. I’m inclined to blame my pill but i dont know if anxiety is causing or magnifying the symptoms. Any advice or comments wuold be great
    Fi xxxxx

  178. Katie Says:

    Fiona,i found time of month would always make my anxiety worse the week before and then settle once period was over.a few others have posted in the past about this too so i definately agree. I think with hormones being up during this time of month,u react a bit more sensitive towards your anxiety symptoms and so this will affect your mood and make you feel a bit emotional etc.but u find it always settles once its over. im pregnant at the moment and at the beginning of pregnancy when hormone levels are rising,i found anxiety levels/symptoms were worse and very similar to how being on your period felt but again,its settles-jus have the odd hormonal days here and there lol!

  179. christina Says:

    I will second that! In my experience, the PMS symptoms seem to be exaggerated and elongated.

  180. Carol R Says:

    I will second that too. I am on my period now and feel very low today. I also do not sleep well with weird dreams too. It is so annoying. x

  181. Fiona Says:

    Hi thanks ladies, i know its those bloody things. I think i’m going to stop the pill and give my hormones a chance to settle. Because i often feel close to recovery but then get a really bad few days near this time. I nver realised you were pregnant Katie, congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    The amount of new and expectant mothers i know at the moment is getting into double figures. I cant help but think i’ll have to take the plunge myself soon. xxx

  182. Fiona Says:

    Carol R have a look at this website. It describes the symptom i get to a tee. But i only get it now again, its not every month… so confusing, i
    dont feel particularly tearful this month but my skin has broke out this time. I get different symptoms every month

    Fi xxx

  183. Katie Says:

    Thanks Fiona!yeah im 25 weeks pregnant on wednesday,its goin so fast!another little girl. And Yeah i were the same with the pill-i decided to come off the pill coz i feel it affected me and my hormones,about a year and half ago.i think it made a difference for the better comin off it once they had settled back down and after baby no.2, definately not going bk on it! Same here too, i know so many people pregnant at the minute!and it seems everyone is having girls x

  184. Carol R Says:

    Thanks Fiona. It helps to know that my symptoms are sometimes PMS based and not anxiety. x

  185. Diana Says:

    One of the complicating factors of hormones (guys, have a moment’s patience with the girls here!!) is insomnia. And it’s often not just insomnia, it’s insomnia with adrenaline rushes making the heart race. It is a dead ringer for anxiety which is why we react in the same way to it physically. If you suffer from anxiety and you suffer from PMS or even worse pre-menopausal PMS, don’t necessarily mistake your symptoms for a panic attack — it could be that you are just having some hormone fluxuations, and waiting it out for a few days can make a huge difference.

    Insomnia is a problem for me. It has always been and continues through my recovery. I wake and think, wake and think. I have found sometimes two 200 mg ibuprophen with some warm soy milk and honey can help me get back to sleep but not always, especially if the adrenaline has really kicked in. I still struggle with this — alot. I know not to fight it or to get panicked about the insomnia itself, but when it continues for four or five nights I it is hard not to let the anxiety spill over into the day or to see things clearly.

    Some of this is job related, we are on a 60 day run right now with no days off — wonderful in terms of the fact that we are the most booked B&B around but of course there is a price to pay for never having down time and privacy. As part of my recovery I have promised myself never to book us in like this again — ever. We need an occasional day off to sleep and not have to make breakfast and clean and to just be. I was in a major panic state when I took all of those reservations — afraid of not being able to make it financially. Anxiety will make you do the darndest things –and can destroy one’s health in the process.

  186. christina Says:

    Well, I’m feeling a bit challenged at the moment. Recovery is interesting. You have a few good days, and can actually believe you have become desensitized or very close to it. And then you suddenly become a bit more anxious and think ‘dang, how did I return to this’. Of course, it really makes sense. Your nerves are still somewhat irritated. The obsessive, worrying, thoughts, are just the same old anxiety looking for an outlet. I don’t know why it still kind of catches me off guard. I was telling a friend who has also experienced anxiety that when you are feeling anxious, it’s hard to imagine feeling free, but by the same token, when you are feeling peaceful, it’s somewhat difficult to imagine feeling so anxious. Our minds can be our enemy or our friend. In recovery, it seems to vacillate between the two!

  187. Joe Says:

    Paul, this is a very heart felt thank you for starting this website. You deserve a Nobel Prize. I found this site about 10 months ago after going through 2 or 3 full blown panic attacks within a month. I truly thought that I was going to die. I went to my doctor and he immediately gave me a prescription for Zoloft. I took one pill and the symptons seemed to multiply, and I felt much worse for about 3 days. Right away I went to the computer and started a search for an alternative cure. After wading through many websites [that were trying to get rich from my situation] I found this one. I started reading it, I understood what you were saying, and low and behold the cloud started lifting and I started feeling a ray of sunlight before I could finish reading the site. Your explanation of what was happening to me could not have been more dead on target. I ordered and read your book and it did not take long until I was feeling very confident that I was truly on the road to recovery and that I was the one in control of my feelings and emotions. Better than at any time in my life. After 10 months I have not had anything closely resembling another attack. I am still recovering and learning about the process and I just want to say to anyone looking for help with anxiety or depression to start looking and believing here. I have sent a few friends to visit and they also have found the site very helpful. I come back to visit and read your post from time to time and I have found your latest post very refreshing. I want to thank you and all of your contributors for your time well spent here. I believe it is sent by god. Sincerely Joe

  188. Diana Says:

    christina wrote:

    I was telling a friend who has also experienced anxiety that when you are feeling anxious, it’s hard to imagine feeling free, but by the same token, when you are feeling peaceful, it’s somewhat difficult to imagine feeling so anxious. Our minds can be our enemy or our friend. In recovery, it seems to vacillate between the two!

    I find this to be very true indeed.

  189. Nikki Says:

    Wow.Just read that link by fiona on pms! I get all that and have problems wih hormones both on and off the pill( sorry another post for the girls) so i have a case of swings and roundabouts.If it aint one thing its another.Also i have had an undiagnosed health problem since last november which is when all my anxiety issues started.I have been tested for all sorts bowel problems, urinary problems,lungs, liver, kidneys you name it iv been tested for it.All along i knew i had pelvic inflammatory disease( or a womb infection) and after taking myself to a and e last week an ultrasound scan has proved i have an infection (I have fluid in fallopian tubes and a distended right tube which is where all my pain is) I am now on the right antibiotics so i should be cured (halleluyah)The thing is i was posting now to say how its hard not to put every little odd sensation down to anxiety, I have learned not to do this now.I just have over exagerrated responses due to over producing adrenalin.Although i do believe i have 100 % suffered massive anxiety issues over the last year i now dont beleive it was ALL anxiety.I feel much worse around period time more emotional etc and i hope now due to having a diagnosis and theres not any infection in the area my hormones are made my nerves may settle a little too.I dont bother about them anymore actually i just get on with it after being so poorly for so long with ill health the methods used to learn to live with anxiety also work for every other aspect of life you find a struggle any one time so i sort of think that this has been a new life skill learned that can be applied to other situations accept- float-forget!
    Big step for me today it was my first day back in nurse training! When i had a bit of a breakdown back in feb i was convinced i was feeling that way because i had made the wrong decision and didnt want to continue with nursing so i deffered.The thought of even driving over to the training centre made me feel awfull let alone spending a day there.Now i wont say i wasnt nervous(everyone there was) but i wasnt in the slightest bothered i just did it! What a difference some understanding of your condition and having no fear can make eh!Must admit though these antibiotics im taking are stunners side effects include vomitting diarrheoa loss of appetite spaciness and they even treat the bubonic plague according the leaflet!!!(seriously) lol Any way I am doing really well!! I actually dont feel as though I have anxiety anymore ,hope this makes sense, what i mean is physically i do palpitations and feelings of oddness and unfamiliarity,sometimes i have the odd thought that makes me wonder, but because i am so used to these feelings being there now i know what they are its just me, feeling odd actually feels normal and it doesnt bother me its expected even welcomed sometimes.Does that make sense to anyone?I dont care if it goes or if it stays i am perfectly comfortable with it which is why i dont feel the need to post every time i get a bad day/moment anymore.I also wonder if i didnt sometimes feel like this before but because i hadnt got excess adrenalin i didnt notice! Guess i’ll never know!Right well life has taken a massive change for me alot of worries have been eradicated we now have a tenant in our flat on a long term lease(not paying two mortgages anymore) and now im starting nursing mybursary will help with money and i dont ned to continue to look for work.Im happy with the hubby kids are healthy works going good and money looking up i dont have anymore health problems i really have nothing important to worry about and i can give myself even more time till im back in my happy place.What a journey iv been on this year!Sorry for such a long post but iv had loads of stuff going on i hope your all doing good.Thanks agin to paul and co. you all helped me to get here x x x

  190. Fiona Says:

    Hi Katie, OMG i was also saying to friends ets that EVERYONE is having girls! My friend and 3 work colleuges are due mid october so i’m sure there must be a couple of boys in there!!!

    Hey Nikki, thats great they’ve finally diagnosed your medical problem, you must have felt you were banging your head off brick wall with the doctors. Anything hormone related gives us girls mood swings and you probably will feel the difference to your mood when your infection is cleared up. Congratulations on getting back to college! You’ll definately enjoy it this time round!! xxxxxx

  191. Nikki Says:

    Thanks fiona x x hope you doing well too!!

  192. mac Says:

    hey everyone, i know i have asked this before but how do you just let all the thoughts, feelings and sensations be…. i feel like i have no emotions and i am just living with no energy or interest…. i let all of these things bother to the point where iw orry all day long and don’t even get a minute of a break… for 3 years i have felt like this and i can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel… i know i need to accept but i just get down on myself…. can something help me learn how to accept and not worry what thought or feeling i have. i just want to get on with my life and live positive…. i also feel like i can’t remember things short term and have to review everything in my mind because im afraid im gonna forget it… thank you everyone

  193. brian Says:

    hey mac i am where you are right now, and i have been here for quite some time. i’m having a lot of trouble with acceptance as well, so i can’t really offer you any advice, but just wanted to let you know i’m going through the same thing.

  194. John S Says:

    Hi Brian and Mac, prob not what you want to hear (or maybe it is!) but i am also in the same boat. Brian i have been with you the whole way mate.

  195. John S Says:

    Sorry pressed send by accident. I have seen your posts before about not understanding acceptence and im exactly the same. We both know what we have is harmless yet we dont feel any better, possibly worse sometimes. I found the site in December and despite having maybe a month in May when i seemed to understand how to ‘let go’ i have been at square one the whole time. I dont have panic attacks i just have severe anxiety brought on by overuse of cannabis 3 years ago. I dont worry about paying bills, finances or anything like that i just hate my feelings and lack of emotions. Perhaps it all comes to us in our own time and we are all different but frustration and bitterness are not emotions i want to feel but i do feel them. I rarely come on here and post anymore as it doesnt really get me anywhere. I know what my condition is and i dont even need symptoms explained to me either. Anyways, you are not alone bud and im right there with you.

  196. Carol R Says:


    Wondered if any one else can relate to this. I often get the thought that I wish people close to me would die, sounds horrible I know and I know that it is not me thinking that, but the thoughts seem so real that I beleive them. This in turn upsets me and sets the adrenelin running again. I also seem obsessed with the fact that I want to die, which is so against what I have feared all my life. Why do I think like this and has anyone else suffered with such bizarre thoughts or am I alone in this one?. Any posts would be gratefully recieved. Thanks

    Love Carol R

  197. Keith Says:

    Hi Everyone

    This is my first post I have read paul’s book and read the various posts on this site, but never posted before. I have anxiety and also severe depression. The trigger point was just over ayear ago when I was accusd of something that I was innocent of and could have faceed prison if I had been prosecuted and found guilty. The acute worry over this gave me severe anxiety and when finally the whole thing was dropped the anxiety remained. The result of having severe anxiety for months caused me to breakdown and I was put under the local crisis team. I seemed to recover for a while but recently relapsed and now suffer severe depression and also anxiety with intrusive thoughts, and right now things look pretty bleak. What I would like to know is can practising the things I have read on this site can work with depression as well as anxiety, as almost all the conversation revolves around anxiety symtoms and not depression. I am currently taking anti depressants which haven’t really made much difference at all to how I feel and also have had several sessions of CBT which makes sense when I am there but seems hard to put into practice. Anyway if anyone has any thoughts I’d be interested

  198. lorryt Says:


    trying to get on with my life, as i know know all i ned to know to get on and not worry . have bad days but dont feel th eneed to check in all the time and gain support, i have it within me to recover , recovery will find me in time i cant wait so ill get on and live with it. CArol i used to want my hubby to die, sounds completely stupid but i can see it for what it is just my anxiety focusing on all the silly things that pass thru my head, bear it no time or recognitionit it doesnt matter, i was giving thoughts like this too much time coz i believed they were real, they arent, theyu are only what we feed them if u get me, we will all recover and the further down this road i get the more i truly believe it, love to allxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  199. Katie Says:

    Hi fiona,my best friend too is having a girl and theres only just over a week between us and my other friend is having a girl and shes exactly a week ahead of me!so all little girls jus after xmas,soooo excited!xx

  200. Carol R Says:

    Thanks lorryt. Am really struggling today and fear more than anything that I am suffering from depression and this is my life from now on. Have to pick myself up and just accept it. Thanks for your support.

    Love Carol R

  201. Diana Says:

    Carol I think it is part of anxiety, wishing people you love to die. It it all kinds of fears bringing out these horrible thoughts which have nothing whatsoever to do with reality and indeed you would feel sad and horrible if anything would happen of that sort. We get thinking in a certain way, panic sets in, thoughts start running away as if our problems could be solved if we could control the destiny of others. It is normal, I see it that way now. For years (never told anyone this) I would lie awake at night thinking what would it be like if this one died or that one died and it would usually end with how it would be if I died ( and I wonder why I was always tired.. with such thoughts how can a mind ever rest?). I would panic and horrify myself into a corner, crying and heart racing, until there was no hope of sleep or even relaxation.

    Now, when an upsetting thought comes to me (they still do) I work very hard on having another thought. For me, I have a focus thought I always go to — I love rivers and I put myself on a raft on a beautiful river and I let myself float down the river until I notice that my heart has stopped racing. It does help me to change the thought to something I love where I feel safe. From that thought I can get on to normal thoughts which won’t hurt me.

    Remember Carol, we are all just trying and it is the honesty that you exhibit here which will help you recover. i truly believe that. Because if you are honest people like Lorryt and I can come forward with our stories and you know you are not alone.

    They are just thoughts. They are not who you are.

  202. brian Says:

    Thanks John S, it is nice to know i’m not alone. one day we’ll get it i know it, but i certainly don’t understand it right now and haven’t for a little over a year now. oh well, i’m not really going to try anymore to understand. have a good day everyone.

  203. christina Says:

    This recovery from anxiety is an interesting process. I had several consecutive good days, where I just wasn’t thinking much at all about anxiety. Just back in the natural rhythm of life. Then, of course, I started letting it creep in again, and got a bit discouraged. I’ve had some days lately where I go back and forth from anxiety to relative calm many times throughout the day. Sometimes I almost feel like I’m calling it back. Don’t get me wrong, I can’t stand the feelings, thoughts, etc. I know some of you have posted similar things. I guess it is a somewhat common experience? I suppose anything you “practice” at long enough is challenging to let go of. It’s funny how it can be just a thought that puts you in a different frame of mind, positive or negative. Today I felt like if I could just not think a negative thought, there wouldn’t be any anxiety, like that was the fuel. Part of the day, I had virtually no anxiety. We make this larger than life. But we need to be kind to ourselves and realize that although we definitely helped create and/or sustain our anxiety, it’s understandable that we would feel afraid and that it would take time to regain our physical and emotional balance. Our bodies and minds have been put through the ringer. It’s really a lot like we have gone to war. I call it “combat survival mode”. We need to realize there is no fight, and surrender will bring eventual peace.

  204. sasha Says:

    Hi Christina…

    Its interesting to read ur post…its like somewhat making ur mind get trained to go through all the hurdles until u reach the final recovery..

    Sad part is u often get disheartened to feel like as if u get so locked up in your own mind when u r in a group talking to one another having fun together..u just sit there and watch as if u r a complete outsider..although they are your close friends or families…its just so annoying..its like u want to but u cant and noone understands whats u r going through as we have no particular reason to be like that and people might think that u r a party pooper..WHICH IS NOT!!!

    today I’m feeling very low but let me see how i can go through this day without giving any attention to the feeling of being crappy inside..I’m not going to sit and brood as that doesnt help me in any ways…and i shall get back and tell u if that helped me or not..i feel kind of ..y waste my life ..move ahead..!!!see u guys tommorow!!!wish u all a good day!!!full of acquired positivity!!!

    If something can go wrong with our minds it has got the equal capacity to make it good as well …as Christina said its vacillation bw positive n negative…I’m going with ‘whatever’ n see…:) just need courage n faith to move on…let me see if i can:)

  205. Carol R Says:

    Diana, thanks ever so much for your words of encouragement. It is reassuring that I am not the only one with the strange thoughts about wishing loved ones to die. Just a question though! When I think about wishing loved ones to die, I feel nothing. Was this the case with you.? I know it can not be my true feelings though as if it were, it would not upset me would it? thanks for sharing a very personal thought, i know it is not easy and i appreciate it so much. xxx

    Well done Sasha. Been positive is always a good thing. I too am feeling low today and anxiety is high, but have decided I will carry on with feeling crappy and get on with my day. I know feeling sorry for myself does not help and I have to be strong. Hope you have a better day and look forward to hearing how you get on. Think I might give your attitude a bash.

    Good luck and take care.

    Love carol R

  206. lorryt Says:


    i had depression for a long time with anxiety , and the docs just kept changin my meds. for about 10 years, it left we with horrendous anxiety. but with the help of this place and pauls book i am accepting everything. as tough as things are for me at the mo , i am still here and living my life. our thoughts especially when we are very anxious are all have done well, and do not fear anything. you will ge through this , dont fight it, after all there is nowt to fight , only what we believe in our head, which when we are anxious is normally a load of tosh !!!!!!keep on keeping on. think of all the progress you have made xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  207. Carol R Says:

    Thanks lorryt. You are an inspiration to me. I have made lots of progress since the start of anxiety nearly two years ago. I really thought I was getting there and this setback has been like a huge kick in the teeth. But I am determind to get back on track and not let it beat me. After all, I do not want to go back to the start again. Feels like a huge game of snakes and ladders, i was up to number 90 but have been down a few snakes and now at number 45!!!! got to keep finding the ladders.


    love Carol R

  208. Lotty Says:

    Hi Keith,
    I feel for you as I too suffer severe depression mixed with anxiety. I sometimes wonder whether the two are linked, triggering each other in some way. It’s true, most of the people who post here don’t talk much about depression and for this reason I’ve often wondered whether I was treading the right path by following this blog. I think I have. I’m not out of the woods yet but I have come so far. This blog is all about accepting the horrible feelings your body/mind throws up and I think that’s true for depression too. You’ve had to face a very frightening situation in your life, no wonder you suffered anxiety! And living your life with anxiety without knowing where to turn is a depressing situation. Living a life in continuous worry, without any joy would make anyone depressed – it’s natural. I think it’s all about accepting this fact, but also accepting the fact that you can recover. I think Claire Weekes wrote something like “Depression is a temporary illness. You don’t need some great big event in your life to bring back the joy of living; the little things will do that, as soon as you have eyes to see them.”
    Keith, just give yourself time for the little joys of life to return. Be understanding and kind to yourself – you have been through a great trauma. Get on with your life as best you can while it passes. Accept and don’t be frightened of the feelings. Continue with the CBT if it suits you, I have found it to be very helpful in the past and does not conflict with any information on this site. Yes, it’s incredibly difficult to put into practice, but keep with it; I’m willing to bet that when you get through this, you will be stronger for the experience.

  209. louise Says:

    Hey eveyone,well i havent been on here in a wee while and up until a couple ok weeks ago was doing really well,god knows what has happened.Dont wan to start getting into the habit of questioning all my symptoms again i know this does no good but my god theyre ALL back with a vengence!!!!!I feel like ive forgot how to accept like ive totally forgot my road to recovery,ive started avoiding people and places and for the life of me cant seem to talk myuself out of these horrible thinking patterns.I cried myself to sleep for the first time in months,i guess im in a setback.How would you all advise me to get back on the right track and start believing in myself again,i still have hope and i soo want to recover im alarmed at how quickly ive gone down Chat soon xxxx

  210. Keith Says:

    Hi Lotty

    Thanks for your advice and kind words. I am sure that anxiety and depression go hand in hand and that probably depression can be easier to treat than anxiety, as depression usually runs it’s course and can be eradicated by med’s or hopefully simply goes of it’s own accord. However as you probably know the terrible negativity and hopelessness that accompany depression can be very hard to overcome. I do believe that with the right approach and I am sure that by following the principles of Pauls advice, by reducing anxiety levels, this will in turn help to fight the depression. Before all this started 13 months ago I was totally anxiety free and I am sure i can be again.
    Hope you too can beat the demons and get well soon yourself

  211. Patrick Says:

    Hi all, haven’t posted since reading Candie’s last big post as I realised I was spending too much time reading through posts, trying to find the “thing” I was “missing”. Well, I guess Candie’s post was it; when she said it took about a year to fully accept I realised I was giving myself a hard time because I wasn’t fully accepting after a few days! I would accept for a few days, and find things pretty easy, then have a bad day and wonder why. I’d come back to the blog, try to find that missing piece of information. I guess I hadn’t really accepted that this was part of the process, despite knowing that it was!

    I suppose I naively thought that acceptance would come and that would be it – but of course some days I have minimal anxiety, think, wow I’m almost there, usually followed by a really bad day, thinking that’s it I’ve failed, followed by a better day, followed by a bad day etc etc etc.

    I think my confidence is increasing all the time, but again it comes and goes, like a two steps forward one step back motion. For example, yesterday was probably the best day I have had yet – for the first time last night I realised that I did not have that nervous stomach feeling that I have had for months every single night. And yet today I’ve gone backwards again.

    I posted a lot a while ago about the constant thinking about me, and again, finally realise that posting about it was not really helping, just keeping it alive. I finally feel yes, I think about me all the time and how I feel but I actually feel comfortable with that now – it used to bother me a lot. Occasionally I’d realise I had not been thinking about me and then the attention would return to me, and I’d feel dismay. Now, if I find the attention return to me, I welcome it, it doesn’t cause any tension. I don’t like it and it bores me but hey, I tried to stop and couldn’t, worried about it etc, did it help ? No.

    I’ve not come to the blog to work out “why”, I feel now, even though today is not my best day, that I see now it as just part of the process. I see now why I have been up and down and not really moving forward by any great leaps – because every bad day I got down about it and wondered why.

    What I have found is that my attitude has gradually improved – again it’s a two step forward, one step back motion – one day my attitude is great and positive, then it’s back to negative. But even though I still have a mix of good and bad days, I have noticed that gradually my attitude continues to get better, and I presume that eventually my attitude will be positive more and more and the good periods will get longer and longer.

    Take care.

  212. Nikki Says:

    Hi louise i was wondering how you’ve been getting on as i notice on the odd occasion when i come back here the names of the posters are starting to change so people are getting the hang of this and recovery is getting closer.I am also back looking through for the same reason.I have had a really good few weeks/month but i have recently returned to nursing and that is what i thought had causd my original anxiety(not sure why?)So its quite obvious to say that i would be suffering more symptoms again.I dont need answers to questions, I have those i shall just continue to do what i did last time i had a setback just relax and go with it.If im feeling down im down,if my heart races let it race.Basically louise to sum up me i know how bad i can feel and i know that the nursing is going to make me feel worse but there is no way i will stop going even if i decided that the career of nursing isnt for me for other reasons i will still go until going to uni and practise becomes normal.I think what you have done is become impressed by how bad this can make you feel again and maybe you are thinking you have done something wrong.It really isnt what your doing its your body,your adrenalin,it will be up and down this is a setback for both of us.Its how we live through this that determines how long it lasts.Believe me i hate this, i hate feeling this way,before i had anxiety i was soooo looking forward to doing these studies but now i would rather just go back to my old job and plod.No one more than me wants all this anxiety to go away but it wont!! not right away.My way is to just float through everything i accept in a few weks i’ll feel great again i also accept i will feel rubbish again.Its just something that has to be worked through.I have resigned myself to it.I had massive panic attack last night but i knew what it was so i just sat there and let it happen.I wasnt scared or bothered particularly about it and this is how i am now.I just get on.So you know yourself what you need to do-but i’ll tell you anyway.Happy go lucky louise loving life and takingthe kids to the park is still there but the anxiety cloud has decsended on you again.You have started to remember all the bad times when you had anxiety and when you cried and your now thinking.oh god dont let that all come back again your fear is back your worrying ,so your heightening your adrenalin levels.Remember the times you did things recently without anxiety that is you.The feelings you have now are back to trip you up and make you run for cover again – dont let them fool you louise you are much stronger than that.They will go again if you look them in the face and say no i am not scared of you.They will fade again but as sure as they will go they will return just keep tellin them im not scared im not hiding from you .Each time they come back they will have that little bit less strength.Even if you are facing it with gritted teeth for a while that is still better than hiding.There is no right or wrong dont beat youself up just forward .Good luck we’ll both get there x x x

  213. christina Says:

    Hi all, What I’m reading really resonates with me. Patrick, I think we are at a quite similar place. I do sometimes really struggle with having a difficult day after having a good one or several good ones. Your emotions can really be jerked around. I hope to accept more and more to the point where I care much less about how I’m feeling!

  214. Nina Says:

    Hi everybody my name is NIna and im 20 years old.
    I feel horrible. Im suffering from anxiety right now, it started a couple of days ago. I smoked weed on August 29th (i know weed is bad, i havent touched it since that day) and the feeling of depersonalisation kicked in. I was on google 24/7 looking up what i had. when i found out in was DP i started working on it and it got better. But on sept11 i started having chest pain and the tuesdays after that my throat started feeling tight. last thursday i went to the ER because i thought something was wrong with me.
    the doctor said My chest was fine and what i had was anxiety. well that night i got home and had a massive panic attack and what calmed it down was researching panic attacks. well since i found out i have anxiety i feel different i dont want to do nothing, my throat still feels tight, all i want to do is stay home in my computer and look for a cure to this. I know this doesnt go in a day but what i really want to know is will i ever be the same again. I feel like nothing around me is real, its almost like its tooo clear and i find myself questioning everything. I know im suppose to eat healthy and exercise but how can i excersice if i just feel like being home and dealing with this by myself. also i have my symptoms all day and i dont understand why in the internet they dont say this. Im not working and im just going to school right now and i dont want to drop out because of this and i also dont want to deal with anxiety the rest of my life or for years. how can i train my mind to feel better? Also i remeber feeling anxious before but not up to this point where it has become a problem. Im planning on getting insurance to go to a doc asap. question: the sooner i go to the psychiatrist the better chance i have of getting rid of this faster? any comments will really help me. thanks everybody and sorry for the long story

  215. Matthew Says:

    Claire Weekes I think said that “Recovery lies in places you fear the most”. This is so true. I’ve been doing a teaching job for nearly the past year, and in a foreign country. I thought it would be a breeze because my anxiety had improved such a great deal. Was I mistaken. Anxiety came back to me like it did in my bad anxiety days. It took me a while until I started feeling mor normal again. Looking back now it was easy to see why anxiety could do this: In a foreign non speaking Asian country (Korea), starting a teaching job (which requires a great deal of energy).
    I’m so glad that I’ve stuck it out. I had some terrible days where my thinking was so clouded. But I always just allowed the anxious/ negative thoughts and feelings to be there. In time they lessened. It took longer than I would have thought but they did subside in time.
    So I think any new lifesrtyle change can be stressful for anyone let alone anxiety sufferers.

  216. Nina Says:

    Hey everybody. please comment on my post. Im freaking out and i dont know what to do.

  217. Diana Says:

    CarolR, with me the thoughts would push me into a terrified corner that I felt I could not escape from, sort of like a long downhill spiral. They would mostly come at night, leaving me to feel completely washed out in the morning. I am learning to tell myself what I call my “Paul Message” when I find myself obsessing about things, especially when I am trying to relax — that message is ” you have a tired mind, it’s time to relax” Because horrible thoughts are the sign of a tired mind. Anxiety comes from thoughts and exhaustion.

    Matthew, I agree with you. Life changes cost much more energy than we think. Huge changes, like those you have been through, exact a price with our peace of mind. Especially for anxiety suffers, who are starting out with a huge burden to begin with.

  218. sasha Says:

    Hello everyone…

    I have written a post yesterday saying i wasnt feeling good but anyways i am going to go ahead…no matter what bcos i dont see any improvement when i sit and think y i feel the way i do..and comparing the days i had before i got into this as it was just a waste of time and spiralling more into depression and negativity..

    so i thought y not give it a try otherway round do whatever u do like a normal person…actually i dint feel great but i could move ahead and that gave a little confidence that i can go ahead in life…but with th accpetance of the fact that i may not be feeling good at the moment but atleast i am able to do what i am supposed to do…and in due course i will be alright…

    bcos if i think the otherway round its just making me feel so negative about the whole situation and not making me move forward….
    So more positivity and faith to move forward in life..U WILL GET THERE…

    today also i dont seem to feel great..but im moving ahead..
    another thing i noticed was that wen i’m talking or doing something constantly watching myself whether i’m doing it well..kind of monitoring..i’m kind of stopping that and giving comments on my way of behviour…its again a viscious circle…

    so will get back to u guys tommorow…i’m just letting my emotions come out of make u n me move forward in life..there is no need that we should suffer silently like this forevr..we can be like others…we r…y shudnt we…just need some time…take care and have a great day..thanks to Paul and scarlet…

  219. Nikki Says:

    Hi Matthew i can relate to that.I started nurse training at the beginning of this year but when my anxiety hit i convinced myself it was because i didnt want to do the nurse training.I have just returned now and all the old feelings are back although i know its not the training thats doing it its just nerves.I do however feel that actually i dont want to be a nurse,its not because of the feelings i just really dont want to be a nurse and iv joined for all the wrong reasons job security better paid job etc etc i dont feel i cant do the job qite the opposite i know i will make a really good nurse.I would just rather be doing something else.I’ll keep ploding on i guess and something will give one way or another.Take care.

  220. Matthew Says:

    Nikki, I hated my job when I first started and wondered what I had signed up for. Gradually things started to turn around and with anxiety more in the background the job seemed so much easier. It is so easy to blame the situation as opposed to our change in thinking pattern in these types of situations. I have a month left in my contract before flying back to New Zealand. Comparing the job now to when I first started is unbelievably easier. The same naughty Korean kids are still there. My thinking pattern is what is different.

  221. Dawn Says:

    Hi everyone,

    This is my first time to the blog. I just wanted to say I have felt such overwhelming comfort and reassurance from what I have read here both from Paul and everyone else. Everyone is so supportive and frankly I could not have found the blog at a better time because I feel like I am living on my knees at the moment with this ‘thing’!
    I have Paul’s book and go to it for comfort daily, sometimes (usually) more than once in the day! I don’t know how to accept. That panics me more, I just find it so hard trying to accept and knowing that there should be no trying involved. I have never been on a blog before but I really felt compelled to thank Paul and each of you for all the kind messages on the site.

  222. Nikki Says:

    matthew,When i originally applied to be a nurse my situation was very different and i needed to earn more money.Training to be a nurse fit in with my lifestyle at the time it was never about the job but the salary.Just over a year later and things have changed financialy i no longer need the money and also life has thrown a few swipes at me and made my opinions and way of life different.I am at a crossroads at the moment and unsure which way to go.I dont think that anxiety is making choices for me at the moment i am very aware i can do the job of nurse but alot of doubt hangs over whether it is what i want to do or if i feel that it is the right thing for the family but not neccesarily something i myself feel the need to participate in.The subject of nursing does not interest me but if i have to do it then i will manage quite well.I have no problems with practicing as a nurse it really is a case of ‘Do i want to do this as a job?’ At the moment the answer is no.Is that my choice or underlying anxiety about it i’m not 100% sure, I’d like to think not so i will continue till i know for sure.

  223. louise Says:

    Nikki thanx so much,really needed that advice,your right i have been very impressed by my symptoms again,i forgot how important getting better is to me i feel stronger again and im right back on the wagon,never give in,eh ,lifes too short,the fear has left me again and ill be ready for it the next time it rturns,thanx again,how r u doing,xxxx

  224. Diana Says:

    nikki, can I just say that I am grateful every day for nurses like you who give so much to others in a way that I could not do. I understand it might not be your ideal career choice but the older I get the more thankful I am to people who put themselves in the firing line for the rest of us. It must be a high anxiety job in and of itself. even if you change careers this time you gave was of value to many people you helped. Just my thoughts as I read the above.

  225. Nina Says:

    Hi everybody,
    Im suffering from anxiety right now and its hard for me. Im glad to find a blog that is full with people that deal with this and have cure themselves. my symptoms are depersonalisation,constant anxiety, and racing thoughts. ANY advice will be great. Also i want to thank paul for this blog it has help me alot.

  226. Matthew Says:

    Nikki, I agree for sure. You’re not sure if you want to be a nurse but it’s due to right reasons. ie: because your family wants you to, money etc… So many people in life (non anxiety suffrerers) do that I believe. I have numerous friends who don’t have the confidence to go out and get the job they really want, or are settling for security.
    One thing I’ve learnt from living from anxiety and seeing how far I’ve come is that in time we will gain an inner confidence to go out and seek a job which is best for us, not what we feel we ought to be doing because of social pressure. This is my case anyway, and I’ve seen it with others who have come so far. I think that’s why as frightening as anxiety can be, in time I’ve come to see it as a blessing / gift. We have a built up inner confidence which helps us decide what’s really important in life and how we want to live it. My take on things anyway.

  227. Matthew Says:

    So anyway, Nikki my point is that I think it’s great that you are not settling for a job just because of safety reasons.

  228. Dawn Says:

    Hi everyone,
    I turned 30 yesterday and you know what I let anxiety have me miserable for about 3 hours of crying (looking a mess) and then I logged on to the site and I felt so much better, so much more hopeful.
    I carried on with my day, my sister and husband had made such an effort with cakes and presents that I just thought ‘anxiety you are not ruining this too’ and I felt better.
    I just read Paul’s post on the 2 different peoples reactions to anxiety and it really made sense to me. I have been up pretty early this morning and I am kind of just going with it for the moment. I feel awful but when I’m not questionning it I notice I can feel ever so slightly better.

  229. lisa Says:

    nina, welcome. have a look through other posts you might get an understanding. to try and get rid of anxiety your fighting, once you understand you will feel a little peace. you need to let all your feelings and thoughts just come, dont question, dont worry, dont fight them. accept them, invite them in . dont give up school, no harm can come to you. there is 1 or 2 posts on depersonlisation have you read them?? 😉

  230. Nikki Says:

    HI matthew i have had a good chat with my family and they are all supportive of me not doing the course if thats really what i want to do,which is great.I was however concerned it was nerves about the course deciding for me (as paul has said dont not do something because of nerves, i think i took it too literally).I must admit i am not the same person i was before the anxiety issue came along not because im a nervous wreck but because along with the passing of my father earlier in the year who spent all of his life working so he had something to leave his family and although happy he was never fulfilled.I do not want to do that,I am aware that if i am dissatisfied with my life then those around me will also be affected.Its hard isnt it going through a personality change and in my case quite life changing experiences and influences and hoping you make the right choices.I have decided not to continue nursing but to get a ‘normal’job one that i can leave behind at the end of the day.Thank you very much for replying to my posts as abit of advice from an independant source can be just as valuable especially in this anxiety situation.Hope you continue to do well.

    Hi louise no problem we all need a reminder at times x I must admit due to the above situation i have had a big return of symptoms.I tried reading a few passages of claire weekes and pauls book this morning but i feel that it doesnt really apply to me anymore and i feel as if im in a bit of a no-mans land.I dont have the fear flashes anymore.I dont have any strange thoughts (well no more than i would usually) Im not at all frightened of how i feel or of any situations.The only thing i do have is a constant feeling of nerves or unease.It varies in intensity on different days.I have a very peacefull mind regarding the anxiety i dont even think i have anxiety in its true form anymore because my thinking has changed.I so dont care about it its not an issue anymore i an comfortable with it.I dont feel there is anything to be concerned about ,yet this cloud seems to hang and it does affect my mood somewhat only because i feel so dragged down .Anyway i am glad you are feeling better and remember dont dread the next time you have a setback.Setback are the best bits because thats when you recover x x x

  231. Nikki Says:

    Hi i was just wondering if anyone who is a bit further down the path than me or maybe candie or scarlett could answer.I have explained in my post above how i am feeling at present and i dont have any questions about it particularly, personnally i feel now i am just me i dont really label any feelings as being one thing or another i just am.If that makes sense.I was just wondering if any one else had gone through this no mans land as it were because i dont feel able to identify with the book or those who are suffering very deeply. I dont feel a though i am suffering anxiety anymore as it doesnt affect my life anymore,of course i have some really rubbish days but i ignore it all and just get on with it.On the other hand i am by no means recovered i seem to have a persistent unease that varies from day to day.Today is probably the worst iv felt in a long time but as i said above to louise it doesnt bother me now i see it as an oppurtunity to practise ignoring/living through it.If anyone else has or is experiencing this at pesent could you please reply thanks x x

  232. Dawn Says:

    Hi Nikki,

    I am new to the site and I don’t really know any of your history but from reading your recent post you have said a couple of things which lead me to think you are accepting very well. You said ‘I feel now I am just me, I don’t label feelings’, I think that is amazing. You also say you ignore it all and just get on with it. I think it was Claire Weekes that wrote about the ‘shadow of the shadow’ where you feel as if there is apprehension in the background even though you are continuing on with your life and accepting your feelings to the best of your ability. In one of her books she said if you accept this also, it passes. I hope this is of some use to you, as I said I am new to the site but it just sounded like you should be commended for how well you are doing, even though you feel as if you have unease. I wish you all the very best in this xx

  233. Nikki Says:

    Thanks dawn thats really nice to hear.Beleive me it all took some time coming it has been hard.I will go back through my claire weekes and see if i can find that pasage.Good luck to you too xx

  234. Lotty Says:

    Hi Nikki,
    I too go through stages of something like this, particularly after a setback. The severe anxiety and depression passes, but I’m left feeling that I’m just going through the motions of life without any real joy or inspiration, feeling lost and strange. But this slowly passes too. Sometimes I can get periods of it during the day even when I’m feeling almost ‘normal’, in fact talking about it now is bringing it on I think!!!!! I guess it will take time to be able to look at what we’ve gone through in a matter-of-fact way; the scars are way too fresh and the emotions too raw. I think these sensations are just another phase of recovery. I would be interested in hearing from people who have fully recovered in regards to this one. xx

  235. lorryt Says:

    hi all

    just strange uneasy feelings that re familiar to me , sort of as if things are creeping in again, weird, not nice bothering me a bit but i know what to do. just carry on and get on. always seems worse when im not at work silly. i can not keep my mind occupied all thew time, but then i guess thats just distraction rather than acceptance??.ohh well.
    to all of you who doubt the depression thing, believe me it is linked to anxiety and i am treating it all the same . just get on with life these feelings are transient. and are not you. although at the mo i dont have a clear head i am sure one day it will alld rop into place for me again. love to all who are recovering. we are a strong type of person for facing this head on.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx goes for you too carol.

  236. Nikki Says:

    Hi lotty, i just re read pauls book .At the bottom of page 103 he mentions an apprehension or transition to normality when we no longer feel fear of the symptoms but we dont feel normal again.My take is the penny dropped very quickly for me recently dramatic changes have happened so i dont suppose i should be feeling any thing other than apprehensive.Memories are still so fresh.As claire weekes says more time must pass.No bother i’ll just keep on keepin on as they say speak soon x

  237. Lotty Says:

    Just a few words for Nina. Nina, try not to add extra worry to what you feel at the moment. My anxiety problems started when I was your age too, and it was after taking LSD (never again!). What I wish more than anything that someone had told me then is that YOU WILL BE OK. You have not damaged your brain or body, you have just had some feelings triggered that you’re not used to and you have gotten frightened, which has sent you into the anxiety cycle. Depersonalisation is a natural feeling which your body uses to protect you from further worry and stress. As Lisa suggested, read some blogs on depersonalisation and you will see how common it is! It sounds like understanding your symptoms helps you a lot – well Nina, you’ve come to the right place!!! xx

  238. Fiona Says:

    Hi Nikki, just a reply to question earlier.
    Anxiety is a habit that forms because your body has become conditioned to produce adrenaline which is a very powerful hormone that causes all the physical and physclogical symptoms. Recovery is the process of retraining your body not to produce this adrenaline. When we recover the stress chemicals in our body return to normal levels and our nervous system gets back into sync again (sorry i’m a science geek and have done bit of research on the whole subject). The recovery process involves relearning previously easy methods of dealing with stress, i.e switching off from problems, not rumenating, relaxing, ignoring negative thinking. It is in everyone to recover as everyones body responds in the same way to anxiety therefore the same method cures everyone. recovery is a slow process of ups and downs as the nervous system readjusts and new habits (non adrenaline producing) take over. This takes time and as you become less and less impressed with anxiety symptoms you start to notice them less, but just because they dont bother you anymore it does not mean that they will disappear over night. Your body has been producing these chemicals/sympyoms for a while so it takes a while to readjust. There is definately a transition period during which you still have symptoms but your not that concerened by them and you notice that your anxiety free time is increasing. The key is to understand that anxiety is still something your dealing with but slowly it is diminishing in importance as you learn how to be your old self again.
    I know this quite long but i hope it can be of help to some of the new people as there has not been much advice as such on the blog lately
    Have a great weekend.
    Fi xxxxxx

  239. chrisina Says:

    Thanks for the great post, Fiona. I need to remind myself of this often,.
    I had a question about a book or e-book that was mentioned somewhere on this blog. I think it was written by a guy named Will? Anyway, if anyone can tell me something about it, if you think it’s helpful, and if so, where it can be purchased. I appreciate all your help.

  240. lorryt Says:

    hi fiona

    what a straightforward way of putting it. for those of us who have inquisutive minds it does make sense, and gives us more hope. my main bugbear is the thoughts still.i worry about the most ridiculous things that when i am anxiety free seem just that but when my mind isvery anxious they seem so real !as you says its a process and not changed overnight, just takes as long as it does.then to me it feels like im gonna suffer long term and off igo !. sorry to go on. just want a clear hed and to be worry free!!!!

  241. Nikki Says:

    Hi fi thanks for the reply i too am interested in the science thing.I take it then in simple terms what has happened is too much constant worrying has increased the amount of adrenalin too cope with the worry.My worry has now all gone but the amount of adrenalin is still being released so we continue to worry about how we feel (basically it doesnt really matter what you worry about the fact that you are worrying is continueing the cycle of mass production of adrenalin).Obviously i am feeling better than i was so i am doing something right which in this case is not worrying.The less we worry the less adrenalin until at some point balance is restored.So to sum up when the body doesnt need the extra adrenalin it will stop producing it, not over night of course but slowly.The body wont need extra adrenalin when we no longer worry.So if we chill out and relax ignore the symptoms slowly but surely the body will regain natural balance.Cor watch out jonny ball between you and me we got the market cornered!!Have a good day and thanks for that it confirmed what i was already thinking x x

  242. lisa Says:

    lorry, remember when your children were babies, theyd wake up for a feed in the nights, as they got to 8-10 months old you knew theyd wake up out of habit for a feed, so you let them cry, you know they nappies are clean, their tummies are full, they can burp them selves. this is the same with your worry thoughts in a way, pretend in a way there babies waking up for a night feed but its habit. you learnt to ignore them crying for a feed in the night and eventually they stopped waking up, its exactly the same with your worry thoughts whether its day or night, ignore them let them in let them pass, once you can master that everything else will just go. hope it makes sense to you or anyone else suffering at the moment 😉

  243. John S Says:

    the book is by Will Beswick its called ‘the mind works’. Type his name in google and his website will come up. Same solution as Paul yet told in a differewnt light. Recommended.
    John S

  244. Nina Says:

    Hi guys,
    Thank you soo much Lisa and Lotty.
    This anxiety has been soo hard on me and im soo happy that you guys took a minute out of your day to send me out kind words. I know im going to be ok, but at the moment it feels horrible because all this thoughts and feelings are constantly there. Im glad to report that i havent had a panic attack in 4 days. I do get nervous, my throat gets tight especially at night and I do have racing thoughts but things are getting better :-) Im trying to stay very positive and im still dealing with the DP though. My only concern with the DP is that i constantly find myself doubting whats going on around me. I know it takes time to overcome DP and DR but it gets me down sometime. Also, the racing thoughts (about everything and anything) are keeping me up at night which is no good. This anxiety is new to me and I just really want to overcome this so i dont have to deal with this in the future. I wont leave school (even though is hard to get out of bed with this) thanks for reading . if you guys have any advice, i would appreciate it and will thank you from the bottom of my heart. Take care guys and feel better :-)

  245. Nina Says:

    Hey Fiona,
    your post is very interesting and usefull. thank you

    Question to Lotty; how old are you Lotty? and how long have you been dealing with anxiety?

  246. lorryt Says:

    hi lisa
    never thought about it like that really, its weird and i still hate it as it still has a hold over me to an extent. i have brill days where my head is clear and i can see things for what they truly are, shame is not that often at the mo, doubt creeping in i guess. thanks lisa i know i need to have more faith in myself and my own recovery. love to all and keep on tryingxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  247. sasha Says:

    Hello friends…
    i guess its all about faith and willpower…the days i thot i am not going to give a damn i was in fact alright though not very fine n the days i worry whether i will be alright then gone!!! just a thought and a what a difference unlike people not having anxiety..
    its all in our brain..i was a bit low bcos i worried let me see how it gets changed with the change in attittude

  248. christina Says:

    I need some courage! I know I am helping perpetuate this anxiety, but I feel like I’m caught in an anxious, negative loop. I’ve had some really good days but then I’m back. It’s so frustrating!!!

  249. Nina Says:

    hey christina,
    From what i learned in this site (and one other)on road to recovery we will have our setbacks, which mean that we are on our way there. Dont let this setback get u down. Try thinking positive and see this as a setback on your way to recovery.Distract yourself listen to music and start thinking about the positive things in your life like your family and friends. exercise. ride your bike or take a walk to clear your mind.

    Im new to anxiety and im 20 years old. Im trying to stay positive and retrain my brain to not be anxious. you can do it christina! your going to get there just take things one day at a time.
    Blessings, Nina

  250. Fiona Says:

    Nina and Christina,
    from reading your post i can see that you are in the grips of the anxiety symptoms. We have all been there and it very much feels like its never going to leave you but it will. It is hard to put it in to words but i like to describe it as seeing past/through the anxiety. You have to ride the storm. The feelings are powerful at times even overwhelming but you need understand they always pass and the more you learn to think ‘oh well, it will pass’ rather than ‘oh god this awful’ the sooner your attitude will relax. Do not concern yourself with DP or DR it just a physical symptoms like shortness of breath. I never really had DP but have suffered from DR. There is a technical reason why it occurs which is to do with how information is transferred from the nerves to the brain and currently our nerves aren’t working as well due to all the excess stress hormones in our system. Making DP and DR extremely normal under the circumstances. As Paul says it is an annoying but compeltley harmless sensation and when you recover it wont be around. I do think Will’s book is useful but it can be a bit difficult to read but i suggest sticking with it. Your thinking forms your emotions, if you think negative anxious thoughts you will feel that way and your body will respond accordingly. Learning how avoid the negative thinking pattern caused by anxiety is key to recovery.
    Good luck, hope everyone has had a nice weekend
    Fi xxx

  251. Nina Says:

    Hey Fiona,
    Thanks for the information. I want to believe that because I was able to diagnose my anxiety right away I could target it and it will take less time overcome it. I dont feel attach to whats around me its like i know im in my room but i feel no connection to whats around me. I know this will go away with time. I just want to feel more connected to the world you know. also Fiona i have a question; you see i have all these thoughts (not neccesarily negative, but im constantly thinking about everything and anything) and when im sleeping its like my brain its still active thinking. its crazy. also i dream about all sorts of stuff and it takes me forever to fall asleep. is that normal Fiona?

    Also hows your anxiety going? Did you overcome this?

    Thanks for your insights
    Blessings, NIna

  252. Fiona Says:

    Yeah it is normal for the moment. It takes a while for the costant thinking to calm down, this how your mind gets tired etc as you have no down time!! If you think back to before you suffered you would spend alot of time sort of day dreaming… thinking but not really thinking about much in detail just sort letting thoughts drift through your mind. Now your in constant high alert and your thoughts are very concious and you are extremely aware of them. It takes time to get back into to a normal thinking pattern. But it begins with cutting off from thoughts. You have to relearn how to let your thoughts flow again and then you wont feel the need to think so deeply. Reading Will’s book will help you with this as it deals with the idea of primary and secondary thinking.
    Night night
    Fiona xx

  253. christina Says:

    Thanks Fiona and Nina. I guess I just felt like sharing my stress out. Since I have been around “anxieties block” a number of times, I know it always dissipates, and eventually, disappears. I know a lot more now than I did before; for quite a while I understood very little. This gave me plenty of time to amass unpleasant memories and bad habits. Even then, I still got past it. This time I want to really have as you say “the penny drop”. I believe you then have a lot more insulation against becoming anxious again. You’d think I’d have all the confidence in the world coming through previous anxious states, but I don’t think I developed the real tools that bring that self-assurance. And when you are having a tough time, it’s tough, even if you know what it is, and know it won’t last. The very nature of anxiety is fear and doubt. But as many have said, and it’s so true, it’s the secondary reaction to the thought, fear wave, etc., that keeps anxiety alive. I did just order Will’s book. Thanks again!

  254. Nina Says:

    Hey guys,
    Its late where i live now. But all of a sudden i feel like im going to overcome this :-) i want to stay positive like this all the time. the DR gets to me but im going to overcome this. I wish everybody the same and please keep posting your sucess stories and your stories on the way to recovery, this makes us all feel better and gives us soo much hope.

  255. Nikki Says:

    Hi all.
    Nerves are very strong today and i am feeling a bit fed up with it all really.I feel that this feeling of nervousness is the last symptom to go.I very much feel like me now i have my confidence and my self esteem is back.I dont feel despair or frustration at how i am feeling just very very tired of it.I am relaxed mentally but not physically.Its almost as if my body is trying its damn hardest to get me to react but its not in me to do that anymore.I just really want to chill out and feel comfortable with myself again.My feeling of nervousness is in my arms and my chest.The rest of me is fine, well apart from a tiredness that is lingering .Sorry for moaning but i know what i need to do is carry on regardless ,which i am but i cant help feeling that mentally i am so past the worry and mental anxiety and i just wish my body would catch up.Anyway speak soon x x

  256. Nikki Says:

    Sorry me again,Seem to have lost the plot a bit today.Can i ask does anxiety fade on its own as long as you continue with normal living and parctising not worrying or is it that you HAVE to adapt your lifestyle in someway?I had thought that anxiety leaves on its own.I thought it was all in the not doing and accepting of symptoms and not worrying yourself about things.I really am feeling quite low today,suprisingly for me.I am thinking positive though.Although i think accepting today is a bit of a struggle because quite frankly i am wishing it all away and having the how the hell did this happen to me thought again.

  257. sasha Says:


    I have the same thing to say as Nina..PLEASE do post in your success stories to give us more faith and encouragement in our recovery..

    Can anyone pls tell me the name of Will’s book?

  258. candie Says:

    Nikki alls that has happened is you are in a mini setback, a setback is basically a blip where we forget to accept.. but eventually we accept the setback and coming through that makes us move forward with recovery. You arnt accepting at the min, its obvious by what you have wrote- thats ok though we all have them moments. Just nip it in the bud and allow and surrender to this, you have to allow the anxiety to happen to you and relax your attitude towards it. Dont see it as the big bad monster, if you feel bad use that moment wisely. You can either waste it and leave yourself more anxious then ever, or you can use it to your advantage and really let the anxiety flow through you and come out stronger after it. Each time we accept a setback we come through the worst its ever going to get, so dont withdraw from it.. embrace it and allow yourself to feel it without too much negative focus or judgement.

    Some people beleive they are accepting but they are just putting up with and accepting certain aspects of the anxiety. I should know, i was one of them! But with true acceptance you have to be willing to let the anxiety happen to you, otherwise how can you learn to see it for what is really is? Anxiety is just a body raging with fear caused by adrenalin, but for no reason.. then we blame our symptoms and become wrapped up in warding them of. The symptoms are not what caused your anxiety, which is why its useless trying to figure them out. They are the result of your anxiety, not the cause.. the only way forward is to give in to them and acknowledge why they are around and not focus and obsess over getting rid of them. Why not let yourself feel something, your going to feel like it anyway arnt you? Anxiety is no where near as bad when you dont resist it or provoke it with more adrenalin worrying over it.

  259. lorryt Says:

    hi there

    wills book is mind works by will beswick, i have a copy if you wnat it, was too indepth for me.. you cand have my email details if need be, i am willing to let someone have it and get use from it as i feel it can help someone. love to all xxxxxxx

  260. Nikki Says:

    HI candie thanks for your reply.I was’nt accepting myself this morning at all i was feeling really low as i said,I have since found another reason for this low mood and again it comes down to the monthly cycle,are’nt we lucky lol.I have had problems with gynae issues hormone imbalance and things but this imbalance happened at the same time as all the anxiety strated so i think the two are linked.Not in the way that i think if i take a tablet to reset my hormones then the anxiety will go away but rather that i beleive i have suffered adrenal fatigue which affects the balance of female hormones.As you probably know adrenal fatigue is the result of a build up of stress and then symptoms basically include anxiety.The way to restore balance in this area is as you would tell me -exercise regularly,eat a good all round diet,take time for yourself everyday,laugh loads and relax your thinking.Retraining your brain not to react to stress or at least to react within the normal range.Now just because i was looking at this today dont think i was trying to cure myself of anxiety -i know only too well that this is a conditioning that cannot be cured by a pill but by lifestyle.I have actually been enjoying researching relaxation and the benefits and mind therapies for relaxation.I had always been very derogatory about this sort of thing before -which is obviously how i reached this point- the reason i do look at these things is because i am very much a dooer.I feel i should do something about a problem ,well for anxiety there is nothing to do,so i feel that if i am actively seeking out ways to improve my well being by bringing in exercise and learning new things i am doing something to help myself.This is ,you understand, not in order to cure the anxiety,although it is in no doubt it will help,but more to give me a more balanced life as before i just worked and pushed myself till i worked from morning till night without a rest everyday i pushed and pushed till i fell asleep through exhaustion.I never rarely went out or took part in anything i never had any hobbies of course there were things i was interested in but never had the time.This is also the reason i have decided not to continue with the nurse training because for years i have always worked to acheive a goal that what was years away and my focus has always been future projects.I dont want to do that any more i want to live now and enjoy today.This whole anxiety thing has really opened my eyes and because now mentally i feel i have reached the point of knowing where i went wrong and i am trying to implement new routines , i would not be telling the truth if i said i dont get annoyed that the anxiety hanging around does not get to me at times.I feel that i am mentally relaxing now and im not worrying what tommorow brings im just in the moment cooking tea or writing this too you,I have found the switch that turns it all off.I feel like a different person and i am liking it so much better.I do completely accept the nervousness,i used to have to practise relaxing through it but now i just am relaxed and that feels strange.You are right i think this morning i was tired and feeling sorry for myself but the inner voice said’sod it let’s go shopping’ so i did lol.What a journey this is!!

  261. Nicole Says:

    I would like to add a little something to Candie’s enlightening response.
    I have been reading a wonderful book call “Learning to let Go” and in it, it describes anxiety as an unintelligent mechanism that gradually ceases to exist when you start to understand it for what it is. What Candie has said is completely true – it is not the anxious feelings that are the problem, but our interpretation of them. When we can step aside from our body as this works it way through and if we can observe the mind without attaching negative emotions to every thought and feeling then we stop adding stress to our lives and our bodies find their natural balance.
    I have been feeling great and I believe it is because I decided to stop doubting in my ability to heal and to stop listening to the negative chatter in my head and to start living my days with a new attitude. I am challenged on a regular basis, but I have realized that in the past I would automatically choose the path of introspection instead of seeing each anxiety blip as an opportunity to practice understanding. There is no beast, there is no deep pit that I will fall into to.
    I created my own mental mouse traps, loaded them up with fear and then let them snare me.
    Through education, application and faith have I made it to this point. Have the guts to not fight and see what happens. It truly works. It can take a awhile, like in my case, but with perseverance you will see rewards.
    Have a peaceful night all,

  262. christina Says:

    Great posts from all of you! I actually applied this today, and it turned out to be a good day, despite many urges to get stuck in myself or cower before a negative, obsessive thought. I found peace by resisting the natural reflex to react to these impulses. I may have to “relearn” it all again a number of times, but at least I know it is the right road to healing. Nicole, who is the author of the book you mentioned? Thanks :)

  263. sasha Says:


    @ Lorryt..
    Thanks a lot!! i got the book online..its explalaining in detail …have u gone tru the entire book?

    @ Nicole…
    hey cud u tell me who is the author of ”learning to let go” ur post was briliant and motivating..pls do keep posting such encouraging posts..

    @to all those who RECOVERED…..
    PLs do post in ur recovery experience so that it gives us a ray of hope to move forward in life!!

  264. lorryt Says:

    hi sasha

    glad you managed to get the book, i t was too indepoth for me, Pauls explanation and understanding was far easier for me to interpret.
    we will all recover in time. im getting there physical sides have not bothered me for along time, just more practice at letting the thoughts go as ridiculous as they are.!!!

    sasha hope you are getting on well with your recovery it will come to you, not the other way

  265. Nikki Says:

    Hi all

    I’m feeling much better today back to myself again.I think sometimes i tend to over analise things (obviously the adrenalin doesnt help this) when really all that is needed is just to be kind to yourself and give yourself a break and accept that we cant be super human and a t times we are going to feel up and down not just with anxiety but just because we are all only human.I sometimes see what has happened to me as a problem but it isnt its just a human response to an over load of stress and not me personally being unable to cope weak etc which is what i have been told a hundred times and that can knock your confidence when its already low.Feeling nervous and unsure is not part of my personality which is why it is so difficult to cope with, it must be tha same for all of you too.So accepting this is me for a while,i’v had a bit of a knock and it will take time for that bruise to heal is my way of thinking.I loved nicoles post above and i find that is what i do 90% of the time i can observe thoughts and felings without becoming involved and see them for what they are a mechanical way our bodies fix themselves.Although i must say it can make you feel a bit numb, but then i beleive even though i have not been a mental worrier i have always stressed, my body has always felt stressed so relaxed and calm is a new sensation for me which i suppose could make me feel a bit numb.Anyway thanks candie for yesterday, im off for a while or until my next blip lol take care all x x

  266. Claire R Says:

    Hi all,

    Haven’t been on here for a while..this is more a lil social vist..makes a nice change for me, not to be searching for anxiety answers…Tee hee…Just wondered if anyone was on Facebook?? Would be good to put names to faces…

    Let me know..Lots of love to everyone as always XxX

  267. Nicole Says:

    Hi there,
    The book that I mentioned is actually called “The Secret to Letting Go” by Guy Finley. What I am finding is that all of these self development books (Eckhart Tolle, Wayne Dyer, Louise Hay…) tend to reinforce the same truths which I find very comforting – that we cannot go on being victimized by our emotions and when we learn to observe ourselves we start to see more clearly. It is the same as what Paul has been teaching. We do have an innate wisdom that will guide us, we just have to learn what to listen to and what to ignore.
    Keep going and never give up!

  268. Dawn Says:

    Hi everyone,

    I have found lots of comfort here in these pages these past few days. One minute I accept, the next I don’t but now I understand that at one point, I didn’t accept at all. I can’t remember who said it but I liked the idea of seeing past the anxiety sort of seeing through it. Sometimes I think it takes a while to get something into your head in a way that really makes sense to you and that one comment really made sense to me.
    I also agreed with what some people were saying about when you are actually doing something and not focusing on yourself how the anxiety struggles to exist. I believe that is 100% true and instead of behaving like a victim lying in my bed crying and worrying I have been clearing out my house, doing jigsaws, playing cluedo (granted I am not having lots of fun but at times I forget myself and I love those times)! Its great to hear how well people are doing, please keep sharing good news as it is so inspiring.
    I just wanted to thank everyone, I don’t feel so alone having this site. Thank you everyone! x x

  269. LORRYT Says:

    hi all

    seem to have lost the plot recently and been unable to accept, constant worrying etc , just gotta let things be i guess. im not stressing about it, just cant seem to let things go, sort of emotionless AGAIN, follows me everywhere. its really weird.i had reached a point where i could enjoy things again and i started to feel li had a life. now im back to whats the point of it all, future is pointless etc. .sort of like i have hit a brickwall with it again. i have to be gentle with myself and try and relax- as im always on the go, have to keep busy, otherwise i think too much !!!. im overanalyzing again. endlesss blooming circles . ARGHHHHHHHH!
    must try and focus on work, although i cant seem to concentrae on aything properly at all. always feel distracted and totally in my head. have a good day , i will try !xxxxxx

  270. Dawn Says:

    Hi Lorry,
    So many of your posts have been so positive, I really feel for you. Think back to how good you were doing. You said earlier you weren’t so bothered about physical feelings which is great, think how far you must have come to be at that stage. You’re just having a wee wobble and you’ll get the letting go back again, I think its one of those things once you have truly understood and felt it in your heart you can’t lose it forever. This might sound a bit pathetic but I have been doing some sudoko and paint by numbers, it takes a while but for a time I can forget myself, I dunno if you have tried anything like that. Sometimes just getting up and doing anything can divert your attention for a bit! You are on your way to recovery, you can do it, never ever ever give up to these thoughts! Don’t believe everything you think!

  271. Katie Says:

    Hi Claire R,im on search for u and add u if u like?x

  272. sasha Says:

    Hello Scarlet

    I havent heard from u for a long time…where r u??

  273. Claire R Says:

    Hi Katie..

    Yay..! Yes my full name is Claire Robinson and am under London network..
    as there as there are prob a few of me on there..
    Whats your full name & network?

    Only logged here this morning


  274. Nikki Says:

    Hi claire iwas just looking you up on facebook but???dont know what you look like to know which one you are? speak soon nikki

  275. Nikki Says:

    Sorry pressed submit and didnt mean to! I mentioned previously that i have been looking into adrenalfatigue syndrome.This is something not recognised by the medical proffession much like their misunderstanding of anxiety.For the ladies that come on here and are also having problems with gynae issues this may be of interest to you.I have found that i am suffering from this particular syndrome and i am in the process of seeing a herbalist as opposed to a doctor in order to help me improve my systems balance.I am not for one minute suggesting i am suffering from adrenal fatigue and not anxiety,I am suffering anxiety but as a symptom of adrenal fatigue.It occurs due to an overload of stress to our system.Much like anxiety.The way to treat it is to restore balance to the hormonal system.This can be done by diet and exercise and also for those that want to try there are herbs that may be of benefit which is what im going to give a try.They dont cure overnight, they will aid your systems own natural responses.Basically it is the same program of recovery that is advised here but without the emphasis being on the anxiety but in all round recovery from a sress overload.It has stated on various websites that depending on the severity of fatigue it can take anything from six months to two years to restore balance.I hope this information can be of benefit to someone.

  276. Lotty Says:

    Hi Nina,
    In answer to your question from the 27th September, I am 36. But it’s taken me so long to get where I am because I went about it all the wrong way. That’s why it was important for me to get that message to you, before any doctors/psychiatrists tried to pump you full of anti-depressants. Of course, if they are offered to you it is entirely your choice, but in my case I believe it I was never given the information to make that choice. I was so desperate and genuinely believed I was losing my mind. No one was there to tell me that I was completely sane and that anxiety and depression were things that could be understood and overcome. It has taken me 15 long years to find the answers, I don’t want other people to have to wait that long.

  277. Claire R Says:

    Hey have a pic of me and my boyfriend, he has a shaved baldish head (sorry Jamie) and writing on his Tshirt..hope this helps?? xxxxx

  278. Nikki Says:

    Claire AAAAGH all the claire robinsons have bald boyfriends!!!!lol This si like some bizarre game of guess who??? lol

  279. Katie Says:

    I dont fancy putting full name up on here,so what is your email address and il search for you that way on facebook?

  280. Nikki Says:

    I found you i think is it blue tshirt with orange writing?

  281. Claire R Says:

    Hey Nikki, yes thats me!

    Hey Katie, my email is ….. ha ha

  282. louise Says:

    Hey everyone,i was on here a couple of days ago describing a raging setback,thanx again ti NIKKI for replying,you really helped me find focus again xx Well im feeling better now (surprise surprise) i was definatly impressed by my symptoms again the fear was enveloping,you know when i looked back on the last couple of weeks my blood was running cold,i was saying NOWAY am i going back there,but when iREALLY looked at how i was feeling i started wondering what was so bad??Was i really feeling so awful??Did i cope???I guess what im saying is there wasnt REALLY any bogey man there wasnt REALLY anything to fear,i made it all up in my head!!!!!Well we know all this,i just want to add that yes setbacks arent nice but we ALWAYS get through them,how quickly is up to us,i believe we always learn something too,thiis time ive learned to remember for now and the foreseable future to trucking on and on…..facing my fears and believing in myself,never forget that life is short and i do not want to live my life in fear Speak soon all xxxx

  283. Nikki Says:

    HI louise really glad to hear you are feeling better x xSo much for my wise words iv been blipping too…read the posts lol.Still I now know too expect to feel worse at certain times of the month,it won’t come as such a shock next month!!Sod it all and laugh at it x x x

  284. Kate Says:

    Hi Claire R

    I will search for you on facebook too…….would be nice to know who we’re chatting to!

    Kate x

  285. Katie Says:

    Nikki,il add u once we have claire in common as a friend-easy to find you then,and kate! I think iv found you claire-goin off nikkis description-putting your email in didnt work x

  286. nikki Says:

    Hi katie no problem speak soon x

  287. Nina Says:

    Hey Eveyone,
    well i receive a call from a doctor yesterday and he recommended me to take therapy so i could learn techniques to help me overcome my anxiety. he gave me hopes and he did say that anxiety is curable :-) im going to go see a psychiatrist soon cause i do want to be diagnosed. ive been dealing with these feelings for a month now and i do hope to overcome this with help. i havent had my throat tightning in 2 days :-) however, ive been having trouble falling asleep for 4 or 5 days now (its like im afraid of falling asleep and if i wake up its hard for me to fall back to sleep)

    i hope you are all doing well and i wish everybody the best :-)

    To LOTTY and/or ANYBODY: When u started suffering from a anxiety,how long did you sufferr from it before you knew what u had??
    Also, does early diagnose and treatment means this goes away quicker?

  288. Matthew Says:

    Hi Nina,

    “Hey Eveyone,
    well i receive a call from a doctor yesterday and he recommended me to take therapy so i could learn techniques to help me overcome my anxiety.”
    It will be interesting just what techniques he recommends. I don’t want to sound skeptical but the Psychiatrists I dealt with didn’t really know what they were talking about when it came to anxiety. Their work tends to be based on theory only. They can’t give you real answers I believe in terms of how to recover. Medication whilst often effective in the short term will not cure you. I hope your Doctor is referring to a method like Paul’s when he talks about recovering from anxiety.

    In terms of suffering, I suffered for I’d say close to 4 years before I got so bad that I actually did something about it. I always thought I could somehow fight my way out of it. I do think that if you have only suffered a short time then you can recover fairly quickly because you don’t have a long memory of suffering. But in any case, so long as you get on the right track (Paul’s method) despite how long you’ve suffered you will begin to see progress. Be patient and allow recovery to come to you.

  289. Kristy Says:

    Hey, I come on every once in awhile and just caught your posts–and they reminded me very much of how i felt this past spring. I’m 31 & have always thought of myself as a bit anxious & always “doing” things–keeping myself very busy was part of who I was.

    I had several stressful events hit me around the same time–stuff which on their own would’ve been fine, but together seem to set off this kind of anxiety which I’ve never felt before. With me, it was the throat tightening, a feeling of being very tired, endless thoughts racing through my head, not being able to sleep, no appetite, dizziness and DP when it was at its worst. This lasted for a total of 2 weeks–finally the 3rd doctor I saw (the others said allergies) said anxiety, he gave me some xanax & send me on my way. I was always against medication–but I was so desperate to feel better that I took one right away & almost immediately felt at ease and calm.

    While I wouldn’t recommend medication, it did help me realize that I was not suffering from some horrible physical ailment–that it WAS in fact something I was making worse by focusing on it 24/7. I continued taking half a pill at night to help me sleep for a couple of weeks–but the best thing I did was find this site & also start opening up to others in my life about what I was going through. I’m normally a very private person, so this was hard–but it was actually a great relief–to not have to seem so perfect all the time. I forced myself to go to work. I would wake up early and meditate in the morning and drink tea–anything that would possibly make me feel like I could make it through the day.

    I teach, so while I was teaching–some moments felt unreal, but some moments I was engaged in my teaching. I certainly didn’t feel the joy that I usually felt from it, though–same with exercising, etc–even when I could get through something, it didn’t feel like it used to.

    So I had thoughts like you did “was i ever going to be me again?” & the answer is yes! I improved drastically within the month, but had a setback several weeks later–didn’t know about setbacks being common–so started freaking out about it, and increasing my anxiety. I bought a book called “The Worry Cure” which was very helpful–and after this setback, I’ve felt healthy for the past 4 months. I still feel funny around PMS time, but this month didn’t get those feelings–which was a nice surprise. The throat tightness lingered for a LONG time–but that has gone away, too.

    By reading this site, it sounds like it’s different from everyone–I DID make lifestlye changes: almost completely cut out caffeine, which was very helpful, lightened my workload…and in general, make more time for friends. I also stopped looking up things online so much. The Worry Cure says that we often hide in our worries–and I believe that. So it’s always a work in progress, but I’m hopeful that in another couple of months, you won’t even remember to look at this site and check in! It was SO helpful to me, though, I feel the need to come back and say that it is possible to recover!

  290. Nina Says:

    Hey Matthew,

    Thanks for answering my question :-)
    well the doctor mention something about Exposure therapy. Its a type of cognitive behavior therapy. I smoke weed one night (not a weed smoker) and thats when all hell broke loose (this was exactly a month ago). i got a panic attack and developed DP and DR. The DP is gone but eveything around me feels weird. Im 20 by the way so imagine all of this plus schoolm It gets hard. i found out i have anxiety cause my twin suffer from seperation anxiety. Also im not thinking about taking any medication at all (the side affects scare the hell out of me). Also i havent had symptoms in the last 3 or 4 days. The only thing i have is trouble falling asleep and the Derealization. Reading this blog and the website was a big salvation i have to say. i put things to practice and i believe this has help me tremendously

    how are u feeling now? I hope your anxiety is better by now. let me know how everything is going

  291. Nina Says:

    Hi Kristy,

    wow your story is really an inspiration. Thank you so much for sharing that with me (and everybody else on this site). Ive been dealing with this for a month and everyday it gets a a little better. the throat tighning is gone ( it did stick around for a week or two) I have derealization (sometimes its so hard cause i feel detach from everything around me, almost like i cant connect to whats around me and some people) imagine having all of this and having all those thoughts. I dont want to take medication (scared of the side affect). Im soo happy to hear that your doing better, im really happy for you kristy. the internet is horrible because it can ease your worries but also terrifies you (thats why i only go to one other site besides this one) im going to check that book out. Also my anxiety was cause by weed and my main worry is that ill never get back to the old me. Im still me its just soo many feelings that i have.

    Do keep in contact Kristy and god bless you.

  292. Matthew Says:

    For me the journey to recovey has been a very gradual process. I’ve had some terrible days but some good days along the way. I’m still not recovered but I pretty much lead the life I want to live as I now have the confidence to do the job I always wanted to do. (teaching). I have developed much more meaningful relationships with people too. I’ve come so far from where I was that I feel so grateful for life. That is depite still having some tough days now. Anxiety is more of a nuisance for me these days as opposed to this very fightening thing it once was. The beauty of the way to recover is that you really don’t have to do anything: by that I mean it is a do nothing method. you just accept and allow the thoughts and feelings to be there. That and just not avoiding things and people have helped me so much. I really can’t see any other way that you can recover and build such an inner confidence than the way that Paul describes.

  293. nikki Says:

    Hi not feeling very positive today.I have entered a new phase,I feel constantly tired as if i have just woken up all day my eyes are stinging and im really tired.I can feel my pulse in my chest and the unease of nerves.It doesnt bother me in the sense that i am trying to make it better or go away but i am aware of it.I have had a headache and feelings of strain in my shoulders chest and arms now for four days and i feel physically worn out.My mom said its the nervousness passing from the emotion to the physical???anyhow im sooooooo tired any advice?????

  294. Paul David Says:

    Nikki you seem to be putting every waking moment into getting rid of anxiety, every waking moment in trying to figure it all out. You are as always wanting to control or rid your self of it. Now as this is a habit you seem entrenched in it, watching yourself, wondering why you cannot just feel normal, buried underneath symtoms. This is exatly what happened to me and you have to really try and listen and take in the message as it has been mentioned many times that this is not the way forward. You are in the ‘That does not work. ill try this’ , ‘That did not work what if I do this’ ‘O.k maybe this will make me feel better’ , ‘Why do i feel like this’ ‘Why did I feel like that earlier, am I doing something wrong?’ then nothing works so you go round and round in circles looking for another answer.

    As you are now so entrenched in worrying and trying to control how you feel, it just feels part of you, one where you wish you could walk out of. Unfortunatly it is a proces and you have to give yourself this chance and not keep looking for ways to control or rid yourself of how you are feeling. This is the very reason you can’t seem to escape.

    You must say o.k this is me and no matter how silly my thoughts seem, no matter how lost and detached I feel, no matter how anxious I get at times, this is me for the time being. You have to live alongside the old you before the new you can surface. You have to basically realise that you will feel awful at times, anxious, detached, but live alongside these symptoms without being to impressed by them. Yes they maybe annoying at times, but your body is crying out for a break, crying out for you to let something else into its day other than anxiety.

    So forget the ins and outs, the ‘why do I feel this way?’, the ‘What if I try this?’ Just throw it all away and start again. Drag your tired miind and body around and begin to live again. Try not to be tempted to run back here looking for reassurance, moving forward relys on you to put into use what people advise. I always say I can tell people what to do, but I can’t make them do it. If someone is impatient and wants instant success, they wont get it, but I can’t stop them trying.

    Many, many people that have come here are now fully recovered and they send me emails letting me know how great they are doing, but also hardly mentioning the word anxiety, they have left it behind and it is no longer the main focus of their day, they are now busy living again and are more telling me about their new job, the family.

    I was once stuck in the mode you are in after feeling great for a while, I could not understand why I was falling back until I asked myself. ‘Am I still trying to control and rid myself of the way I feel?’ The answer was yes, I had slipped back into doing this, questioning it all again. So I went back to what I knew and just lived alongside it and paid it little respect and in time other things came into my day, I started focusing on other things naturally, it is something you cannot force, it just comes in layers. Without the trying to do something about it each day, my mind began to feel more and more clear, again it came in time, you cannot rush things.

    You say ‘I know the way back, but I can’t seem to get there’ the answer is you have not yet given yourself a chance to do so.

    Hope that helps


  295. Lotty Says:

    Hi Carol R,
    I’ve had that anxiety thought about being bipolar many, many times. Don’t worry, just another one of those irrational fears. And a very common one too, I remember blogging to someone else about it just a few weeks ago. I remember Paul saying in one of his blogs “enjoy the good days, forget about the bad”, and I have really taken those words with me. There’s nothing wrong with being proud of yourself, what we are doing is one of the hardest things a person will ever have to do. It took me a while to allow myself to enjoy the good days, it doesn’t come naturally at first; you kind of think that if you let yourself get carried away with feeling good, somehow it will make the bad times feel worse. Is that how you feel? xx
    Nina, don’t worry, anxiety has you up and down like a rollercoaster. And yes, with time and acceptance, it fades away. Let it do what it likes, it can’t hurt you. You just have to become accustomed to it, then indifferent to it, and it loses its power. But this takes time. xx

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