Living with anxiety

Well I hope everyone is o.k. I was reading through many posts this morning, as its a while since I checked in. Firstly welcome to anyone who is new, it’s always great to see people join the great community we have here. On reading through I did see a common problem and decided to shelve this months post until next month, as I thought this would be more helpful at this time.

I try and write this blog through my own journey and my own pitfalls and sort of do it like a story book of the hurdles I faced and overcame. One point that is very important and I have tried to get through before and that Scarlet has touched on, is the need to live your life with anxiety. Again and again I see people trying to rid themselves of it, going around reminding themselves of little phrases, watching their progress, wondering why the anxiety is still around, they think ‘I must be doing something wrong’, they become bewildered and end up going round in circles, sometimes on the verge of tears as they seem to be the only one that is stuck with this condition.

Firstly I want to pull up some great advice by Victor in the last thread. Many times I read someones comment on here and think ‘Yes they have fully got the message’ and Victors below is one of them.

Brian,You said “I spend every day just thinking about ways to look at this website and acceptance, trying to figure out what I am doing wrong.”

I find myself doing this at times too, even within the past week. Read Scarlet’s reply to me from July 4th, it has helped me a lot.

What I want to tell you is that thinking about it, trying to figure it all out will not help. You have to just BE. I know it is very difficult, trust me. I am the master of creating habits and have always been a worrier, even before I began “suffering”. I have found that trying to focus on the present is the best thing to do, Paul said in his book something along the lines of “If I was going to cook, then I would focus on cooking, not think about anxiety” I have applied this and what scarlet says the past week and it has helped tremendously. Out of habit anxiety will cross your mind, but you have to just let it go and do not fear it. It takes time to break the habit.

Paul said something, I am not sure if it was in the book or a blog, but he said that he did not even know recovery was possible. I think a lot of us get so caught up in recovering, we forget to just live which is how you recover. You say you go out with your friends, that is great! I do too. But I have wasted several activities with my friends thinking about anxiety the whole time, while not even getting one anxious thought!! What a waste of thinking that was! Hope that helps, and if I could help more please just ask.

Victor is totally correct. Don’t go around questioning anxiety all the time, it is like having a broken leg and questioing it all day, trying to find ways to rid yourself of the pain, question why it hurts and going into a situation and just thinking about your leg and not being interested in the world around you. Well we don’t do this because we understand we have a broken leg and that we will feel pain, there is no reason to walk around trying to figure it all out or try and rid ourselves of this pain.

Well its the same attitude with anxiety. Many people wonder why Mr X has finally got it and is improving and I am stuck, well its all about his attitude. You will not recover while you walk around all day trying to rid yourself of how you feel, you are just focusing and worrying about ‘you’ again. I used to go out every Friday and usually feel a lot of anxiety symptoms. I would almost watch for them coming and then spend all night mentally trying to ‘right’ myself. I would say ‘It’s o.k to feel this way’ , ‘Try and act normal’ , ‘My mind is just tired’ this would go on all night and I would just about get through. One day the penny dropped, all I was doing was dreading the night and waiting for the anxiety to descend. I was focsuing on me as soon as I got into the bar and then having a mental battle with myself using coping behaviours. Nothing ever improved, so I decided the next time I would just go out, no second guessing how it would go, no coping behaviours and mental dialouge. Well the difference was amazing, yes of course anxiety crossed my mind many times, it was bound to out of habit, but I kept going from the conversation to me, instead of just me all night, It was like my mind was for once trying to integrate back into the world, I for once had given myself a chance to be part of what was going on around me. It did not go perfect, but so much better and if I kept practicing it would then start to become me and that’s exactly what happened. People put too much importance on things going perfect, if they have any anxiety at all then they think they have failed. I never looked at it like that, I never expected or demanded anything. If things went great then fine, if I had a tough night then that was fine also.

There is no need to label a bad day as a setback. Accept that everyday is not going to go great, the more you allow this attitude to be you, the more you allow yourself to not focus on you and how you are feeling. In my early days I would wake and check in how I was feeling, my shoulders would drop as I felt bad. I would step out of bed and question how I was feeling all the way to work. I would then start with loads of phrases to try and control it or make it go away. This would not work so I would go home and feel sorry for myself, maybe go out drinking to escape and go through the whole process again, feeling more and more detached from the world around me. Well of course I would feel this way, it makes perfect sense now. But what if I woke and just accepted the day for what it was, that would surely go better. No questioning, no worrying, no internal dialogue, what if I just lived along side how I felt, maybe that would work. Well it sure did, but it was a process, I still had up and down days, but I allowed this, I did not have a bad day and start questioning everything all over again, I just allowed it to be, I was more interested in just living now and not ‘me’. Being so interested in me had got me nowhere over the years, it was time to change.

I also need breaks from the subject as the site has grown so big I spend a lot of time involved in the subject and also need time outs. I don’t want the subject to be the only focus in my life, as it’s not healthy. I do as much as I feel comfortable with doing and have many other interests. So don’t let it become your life, have some time outs, find other hobbys. The blog should be a learning tool where you can gather information that will help you understand far more and erase a lot of fears. Many people have come here in the past and recovered and they moved on, they wanted to live again and did not feel the need to come here anymore, they wanted to put it behind them and move on.

Below is Brians statement

“I spend every day just thinking about ways to look at this website and acceptance, trying to figure out what I am doing wrong.”

What he means is I have spent all day trying to rid myself of anxiety and its still there, well its the very focusing and trying to rid himself that has caused the problem. I don’t mean rush around and trying not to think of anxiety, you will from time to time through habit, but that’s fine, don’t see it as a problem. My focus would shift to me many times into my recovery, I would have some truly testing days with my symptoms, but I stopped caring, it was all part of the process. It’s the bad days that has others questioning it all again, running back to the blog to see what they have missed, becoming bewildered, wondering and worrying why this damn thing has not left them.

I do hope that message has helped.

For more help and information on anxiety visit

For more information about my book ‘At last a life’ visit

355 Responses to “Living with anxiety”

  1. Nikki Says:

    Hi paul .Good post just what I needed at the moment.I have as you probably know had a few good weeks recently without anxiety and know the old feelings are back and I have returned to the blog.I am no longer looking for answers I have them I also have a new confidence,I am still me and i know who i am these days,In the early days i truly was lost.I am comfortable with feeling rubbish because it doesnt interfere with living i just go on auto pilot and live through it.I know that anxiety is a ball of nonsense and not really real.I feel at the moment that I am bored with feeling this wayI want to as you say move on but the feelings linger im not scared of feeling anything not bothered by any little panics they can come i no longer care for them.I dont avoid i dont care how bad or good things make me feel i do what I want.Its just sometimes tiring especially over the last few days I have had a bit of a headache and it makes my vision a bit funny.Anyway as i say great post and just what alot of us are needing right now,a reminder to live and not think about living x x

  2. H Says:

    Good post Paul, I too have been suffering again recently, and can feel myself getting pre-occupied with how I feel, and mentally trying to conteract every thought and feeling. Although I must say it doesn’t feel as frightening as before, as I now understand more. I have elected to take redundancy from my job (been unhappy for a while), so I guess would be anxiety inducing for anyone!

  3. Claire R Says:

    Thank you Paul..such good words as always.. as have a setback recently…totally understand what you have to get in the correct ‘mind mode’..but that can quite hard..but as the H says I understand not so scary, but still feel scared a lilttle! xx

  4. Lotty Says:

    Thanks Paul, great post. It reminds me that I only really started to move forward – when I stopped saying “I’ll do that when I feel better”. I started “living again” even though at the beginning it didn’t seem to make much difference. I thought “stuff this for a joke, just sitting here doesn’t help at all, if I have to, I’ll carry these feelings with me”. There were days when I was absolutely PARALYSED by fear and depression; I would curl up on the sofa convinced I couldn’t do anything. Then I got to the stage where I knew I would feel horrendous whether I stayed immobilised on the sofa or whether I was doing something productive. So I chose to do something productive. I would do the dishes or load the washing machine or go for a walk, feeling absolutely awful but maybe a TINY bit more distracted. I would tell myself things like “this may feel awful now, but when I feel better I’ll be glad I did that”. These sort of thoughts helped to get me through the really bad times.

  5. Paul David Says:

    Really glad people can relate to that. Trust me I got stuck many times and it was an up and down process for me, it is never a case of ‘Oh I get it now, I am free’. As you say Lotty below:

    Thanks Paul, great post. It reminds me that I only really started to move forward – when I stopped saying “I’ll do that when I feel better”. I started “living again” even though at the beginning it didn’t seem to make much difference.

    At first Lotty it does not, nothing really seems to change as we are so stuck in our old ways, but its the repeating doing that brings the rewards and the belief that it will. Think of the first time a thrill seeker does a bungee jump, its all new and exciting and brings a sense of fear, one that they enjoy. In time with the repeating doing, it loses its fear, its edge and excitement, their body becomes used to it and they have to move on to something else to recreate the excitment. Its the same thing, it’s the the repeating doing that dampens emotions and feelings. Also you should be very proud that you no longer curl up on that chair wishing it all away.

    As you say below

    I would do the dishes or load the washing machine or go for a walk, feeling absolutely awful but maybe a TINY bit more distracted. I would tell myself things like “this may feel awful now, but when I feel better I’ll be glad I did that”. These sort of thoughts helped to get me through the really bad times.

    This is what I mean by a process, it takes time for new feelings to over ride the old ones. Almost every single email telling me how well someone is now doing, comes from someone who read the book months before. They have allowed that time to pass and seen great results, they did not look to rid themselves in a week, they gave it time.

    I could truly have anxiety tomorrow and as I fully understood it, then it would not bother me, it would not be a nice feeling, but it would not control and dictate my life, I would live with it and not against it.


  6. trez Says:

    Hi everyone,

    Great post from Paul,even though im having a few rough weeks with thoughts and feeling im just getting on with things no matter what.No matter what we do they are still going to be there,as we no its the attention we give them,ive realalized the more attention that i give the thoughts and feeling,thoughts seem to be more exagerated.Just take every day as it comes people,we will get there.xx

  7. Katie Says:

    Hi Paul-fab post!! Think its the reminder every one needs at the minute as every1 seems to be saying they have had a few rough days- myself included- where all my past anxious thoughts have popped up to say hi again!but just as you say,iv carried on, and not let it be the centre of my attention. And it actually feels great when i think that they no longer scares me whatsoever. These ‘down’ days in the ‘up and down affair’ are becoming less and less-in fact very rare!think last time i had a few days like this was a couple of month ago so hey,that shows me that they are coming less and less,which is a great sign to how far iv come!and if anxiety wants to pay a visit,then il let it!ha!

  8. Hannah Says:

    Thank you so much for this post. It has come at a time when I am feeling particularly desperate and not knowing where to turn. I keep trying so so hard to keep my anxiety under control but I know that as long as I am watching it and studying how I feel and wondering “why” things will only get worse and certainly not improve. I desperately hope that I can put your advice into practice Paul. I have tried in the past but I always seem to end up in the vicious circle of questionning and wondering….sometimes I feel as though I can’t go on. For some reason, I am often at my worse anxiety-wise when I really do have nothing to worry about…when things are, on the outside, going very well. It is almost as though I *have* to find something to worry about. Anyone else have this problem??! I am very down at the moment and frustrated with myself – I know that the advice here is the right way to go, and only hope I can achieve it myself one day.

  9. brian Says:

    Hey guys, thanks so much for all the help. It’s weird, shortly after my despairing post, I had something very unexpected happen to me. I still don’t really understand it, but I think I accidentally started to accept again. It happened when I was at the worst of the worst, I had kind of given up in reading this website or any other source on anxiety. When I did that, I think I naturally started to accept again. I can’t really describe it, but when it happened it felt right, so I just went with it. Now, over the past day or so, I think I have realized that acceptance and recovery is something we already have within us. In other words, we don’t have to go looking for recovery; all we have to do is become aware of our ability to accept, and I think the rest will come on its own. That might be wrong, but I think that’s what I did for the first 5 months I knew about this website. Once I became aware of my condition and what acceptance was, the rest of it just started coming to me. I guess you could say what I have been doing wrong lately is trying to hard to recover. I have been going over and over what acceptance was in my head, and obsessing over this website way too much. I have even been feeling worse when I visit this website, and that has been further bewildering me, but now I think my body was just trying to tell me that I needed to stop thinking about it and acceptance for awhile.

    As weird as it is, I guess you could say the moment I gave up trying to accept is when I actually started to accept! Anyways I think I am going to take a break from the website for awhile and just live. Thanks Paul, Victor, and everyone else who has helped me.

  10. Jay Says:


    Please help me, Ive been having these weird and disturbing sensations as of late. I am unable concentrate and my mind feels dull. At one point I was so muzzy that I was not able to follow a simple conversation over the phone and it took me a couple of seconds before I was able to understand and respond. Seems that my mind lacks air as I feel so lightheaded, not really dizzy but having the feeling of unsteadiness especially when I walk. I also feel light all over my body and also weak.

    Yes I had anxiety for almost 3 years and I constantly worry about many things. But these past days has got to be the worse. I cant stop thinking and I fear my mind and brain has totally lost it. To top of it all, I was not able to get any minute of sleep last Friday and I think im feeling the affects of it.

    How do I really stop thinking? I had my blood test and they are all ok. Already visited the neurologist and he said im fine. Already had a counseling session with a psychologist and I always seem to feel better after but after a few days, im all back to being stressed. So why am I feeling this way? I believe its all mental since I don’t really get physically tired as my work isn’t that stressful. Its been a while since I last exercised.

    What will I do? I know acceptance is the solution but it is so hard especially when I comes in situations when you feel like you have no where to run like in a meeting or perhaps driving alone.

    I admire all those that have recovered here in this site and I would very much appreciate anything that would help me regain my strength and be the person I was once.

  11. Patrick Says:

    Hi all, like many it seems I have hit a rough patch after weeks of feeling really positive. I expected it and am just carrying on etc. I totally understand the just living part and I have been doing this for a good while, anxiety has never stopped me doing anything but I have real trouble shifting my focus of thoughts. Even during my better weeks recently, it was there constantly in the background – not anxious “what if” thoughts but just stuff going round in my head. I’ve read what Paul and others have said, eg. instead of cooking and thinking about anxiety, I would just cook; but for me this just does not seem to happen – as I said, even during the last few weeks when I felt almost normal it was there to some extent, does that make sense?

  12. Paul David Says:

    Patrick but that’s the point, again you are saying ‘well I am doing these things, but it’s still there, it doesnt get rid of it’, yes and that’s fine for it to be, that is the point I am trying to get across and what the whole post was about, you are trying to work at it not to be there. You can cook and anxiety maybe in the background, you have thought of it so long you will revert back to it, it will hover, thoughts may come, but just keep cooking and in time your attention will become more on what you are doing than yourself. what you are doing is hoping you wont revert back to the subject, wont have any thoughts, but its fine if you do, I hope that makes sense to you.

  13. Lotty Says:

    Brian, I’m so pleased you’re feeling a bit better, and it reassures me that if I ever lose my way it’s not the end of the world, acceptance will return when I stop trying too hard to find it!

  14. Kate Says:

    Thank you for the post Paul. This is what I am trying to do at the moment, just carrying on with my life along side anxiety. I go out with friends, go to work, out into the garden – there are still a few things that I avoid but am facing them gradually. Some days I find extremely difficult and let my irrational thought take over (I read into it and imagine the worst scenarios which brings on anxiety) but some days/weeks are fantastic where I feel I could do anything as I accept everything and don’t analyse. I guess this is all part of the recovery process. Last year was a brilliant year for me and I felt I was so close to recovery then I had a HUGE setback just before Xmas and because I hadn’t had symptoms for months it sort of shocked me and I became very fearful. This bought back my irrational thought and I started analysing and trying to figure out why it had returned. I look at the situation now and realise I should have just accepted it and not dwelled on the thought. I should have realised that the thought will sometimes reappear through memory but to just accept and dismiss it as only a thought. This site has been so helpful during difficult times and reading the recovery stories has made me feel a lot more positive. Thank you x

  15. Patrick Says:

    Paul thanks – I have grasped a lot in the past 7 weeks since finding your website, I can do all the things I want to do and I do them but rarely does my focus shift entirely away from anxiety. I appreciate any changes are not going to happen overnight but I still see this as a problem I guess. I have little problem going about my daily tasks with anxiety symptoms present but I still have to grasp that thinking about it all the time is not a “problem”. I was slowly getting there but this week seem to have gone backwards and lost a bit of faith and gone back to giving it my full attention.

  16. Paul David Says:

    Patrick: I have grasped a lot in the past 7 weeks since finding your website, I can do all the things I want to do and I do them but rarely does my focus shift entirely away from anxiety.

    Patrick not now it wont, but give it time. I had to do tasks many times before I felt a sense of normality. Nothing will come overnight, again its the repeated doing that will bring the rewards, the repeated doing without putting pressure on yourself to feel a certain way. Please trust me on this, if you keep looking for that quick fix and not give your body as much time and space as it needs you will stay in a loop as you are expecting far too much of yourself and feeling you have failed if you still feel any symptoms.

    Again as I tell people, I can only advise, I can’t make people follow what I say, that is up to the indivdual.

  17. Patrick Says:

    Paul, Thx again. Like you said many times, impatience is one thing that keeps us in the loop. I know this, but still I can’t help feeling failure! Which as you say keeps me in the loop because I then start to despair that I will never break free which then increases anxiety etc etc etc and the cycle continues.

    I did feel almost normal this time last week but when I started feeling more anxious again, I felt failure and the old worries started again; despite taking on board everything u said about not letting a “setback” impress us too much.

  18. Debbie Says:


    I had the same feelings when I was at my worst, but they do fade in time. Go on through your day knowing the feelings are there but don’t pay them any attention. You will overcome this.

  19. Candie Says:

    Great post Paul. Can second this totally. When i had my baby i didnt sleep for 3 days due to labour, then for a week i didnt get much sleep which caused me to experience depersonalisation for a couple of days on and of. Now the anxious me wanted to focus, but i realised it was perfectly normal for anyone to feel zoned out with lack of sleep so i didnt focus on it at all or analyse, got on with my day as a mum and it was gone no sooner then it came. Now had i panicked it would of stuck around for ages and become a big issue, but i new from this blog that it wasnt harmful or lasting.. just a tired mind and body shutting of for a while thats all. All anxiety symptoms can fizzle out in the same manner if you have the right attitude and response. Now its easy for me to say this about DP whiles some struggle as i new a lot about it so was able to not over react and let it pass unlike those who experienced it without any knowledge of what it was- but you can retrain your mind not to fear anxiety symptoms.. just takes a little longer to make habitual. DP is a perfectly normal feeling when we are tired, frightened, in shock etc- so dont think your DP is the problem if you have it- the problem is your reaction has prolonged it. Isnt it funny how when having anxiety we presume every negative experience, emotion or feeling is a symptom of anxiety? When really the majority of it is our nerves making us over react to the norm!

    Hope everyone is having a good week, iv got a busy weekend with the house move and what not! x

  20. Lotty Says:

    That’s what it’s like in the beginning, it’s like your brain is wrapped in cotton wool, you can’t quite connect to anything going on outside you. I felt like this 24/7 for quite a while and I imagine most if not all bloggers on this site know exactly what you’re talking about. Have you read Paul’s information about understanding anxiety? It is reassuring to know that everything you experience is “normal” in these circumstances (I say that in inverted commas because it definitely doesn’t feel that way!!), and that it passes with understanding, acceptance and time. But you can’t force it to go away, you need to accept that the feelings and thoughts will be there for some time.

  21. lorryt Says:

    great post, the more i read the more i understand., and have come a very long way.onward and upward!
    Hi Candie hope the house move goes well, and you and your family are very happy in your new

  22. Nikki Says:

    It seems this post has come at the right time for loads of us.I am quite surprised how many of us all seem to be at the same point felt good for a while and back in the old routine again.For me i think i have been worried about trying to do the same things as i did last time.What i mean is i started feeling normal and when the feelings returned although i knew they would i was feeling a bit disappointed and started to worry in case i slid back into it again,trying to remember what i did to make it go away ,trying not to think about anxiety again and analize.I realise that when your nerves are on edge you cant help but be aware of it, like i was before,but last time i just thought sod it im going to feel rubbish whatever so i got on with my day (which i always have done but i analized all day)so then if i caught myself thinking about the anxiety again i switched my thought to something else and it was only after i started doing this and addopting the whatever frame of mind it started to fade away till it was all gone for a while .Reading this post has reminded me what to do.Do nothing but what the day holds Go about business as usual if you need to iron iron!.If you need to go to work go!.Dont spend all day thinking about anxiety think about what to have for tea or where to go on holiday anything but anxiety.Of course its always there because you can feel it but get on with things anyway and eventually it fades.When your nerves are settled it is so much easier to not notice so you dont think about it.When you have horrible feelings you cant help but be aware of it all i find this the hardest on a bad day to switch off to it especially if it hasnt been felt for a while but this is the first time i have been o.k and then felt rubbish again.From the start i just felt rubbish everyday but slowly getting better till it all went so really i just got bored with the whole thing and decided i couldnt let this stop me so i got on with it and as i say i am know feeling rubbish again and im not ashamed to say although i was warned it would come back i wasnt ready for it.I think i secretly hoped it would just fade.Still as i say this post has helped me to remember what to do to help myself.Thanks paul! Hope you are all having a good day.It really helps to come here because as i go through the day it helps to know you lot are all out there living with anxiety too.Thanks x x x

  23. Katie Says:

    nikki, i definately agree with the fact that when ur nerves are on edge, you cant help but be more aware of the anxiety. I can see and feel when it is creeping up on me now, but the difference this time round is iv hd no fear whatsoever.Fair enough i dont like it when it is back but we dont have to like it,we just have to let it be. And already as i focus more now on outward thinking,its already fading. i dont see it as a setback no more,more like it reappearing through memory but will slowly fade in its own time.

  24. mike Says:

    hannah and jay. hello my name is mike and i have been on this blog on and off for about 12 months now. im sorry youre feeling like this at the moment but you will get there. jay if you read the bit in pauls book when he says no matter how many times people go to their doctors there is always a doubt, seriously mate its 99.9% anxiety and youre perfectly healthy just let the anxiety come and with patience comes confidence and the anxiety stops litle by little. HEAD UP MATE.
    Hannah, you will beat this my love and when you do you will start to enjoy life again PROMISE.

  25. Nikki Says:

    Hi kate.I’m trying to change my attitude towards the whole process so that i stop labelling everything.However i feel or think well thats just me not an anxiety thought or feeling just me and in time i will feel better.Its not wrong to feel this way just uncomfortable.It doesnt interfere with my life, i cope with it so why try to change it? When it wont change until time passes.I still work, cook tea ,meet with friends and i dont sit there thinking about anxiety I am just aware of it like a headache.My thinking is mostly outward and i focus on the thing i am doing at the time i try to switch off to the anxiety analizing and mostly i succeed.Alli am left with is nervous apprehension to varying degrees and sometimes a thought is met by a reaction like going over a humpback bridge but i no longer take any notice of these over the bridge moments.I am not scared of it anymore just some days it annoys me because i live a normal life and have done for ages yet it still lingers .Impatience holds me back.Anyway hopefully my new approach will help somewhat.It just gets a bit boring after a while doesnt it?

  26. Carol R Says:


    Hope everyone is ok. I had a setback 4 weeks ago, and I was so upset because I really thought I had cracked it. I am now lifting myself out of it through hard work mentally but the thing that bothers me the most is my thoughts. I think horrible thoughts which upset me and I spend most of the day analysing what everything looks like and feels like (does this seem normal etc). Would be interested to know if anyone else has these thoughts. I know they are an off shoot of anxiety, but how do I stop beleiving them. Any advice would be great. !


    Carol R

  27. Patrick Says:

    Nikki I totally feel the same as you – everything you say in your last post is exactly how I am, I don’t really think anxiously as such, it’s more that I am “aware” of it. I do all the things, go to work, meet friends etc, and also have done this since february when it started but like you say, it lingers on, and yes it is incredibly monotonous. I no longer fear as such, but yes, I have a nervous apprehension like this morning on my way to work I wasn’t consciously worried about going to work, but was slightly apprehensive. I am off out tonight with some friends and couldn’t care less if I feel anxious, I will enjoy my night out regardless. I tend to find by about 3pm I feel much better although that “awareness” is still there. I had three really good weeks where I was definitely on the right track, but this past week has been up and down; I don’t feel like I am questioning or analysing, but the sense of dissapointment and impatience is there.

  28. Paul David Says:

    Patrick you say: I had three really good weeks where I was definitely on the right track, but this past week has been up and down; I don’t feel like I am questioning or analysing, but the sense of dissapointment and impatience is there.

    You are doing it again Patrick. You are on the right track, how many times have I and others say its a process and you will have up and down times, its all part of recovery and you should see these times as part of it. If you keep getting down when you feel bad, begin to question it all again, worry about it, then you will not move forward. You are monitering your progress on how you feel at any given time. If your good you are doing things right, if your not, then you are doing things wrong, back to the blog to see what you have missed.

    Patrick I had to go through these times again and again to reach my goal, you have complete power over how much respect you give these times. I can’t stress enough the importance of just seeing these times as part of the process. Ask anyone who visits here that has recovered and each one will tell you it was up and down, great one week, not the next. I rejoiced in these up and down times and just carried on, well I was bound to be moving in the right direction as at one time it was all down, this should show you that change is happening. Don’t cling on to the good days. Enjoy the good and don’t care about the bad. I can’t stress this enough, if you want to let a bad week drag you back down, feel sorry for yourself, begin to question everything again, then fine, but it will just hold you back and do you no good whatsoever.

  29. Lotty Says:

    Hi guys,
    I once read a really good analogy that might put things in perspective a little. If you had a really bad car accident at an intersection one day, what would happen every time you passed that intersection? You would relive the moment every time for quite a while – many, many times. Your body would react with fear immediately at the memory. After a while, you wouldn’t feel quite so terrified of that place, because you’ve realised that it’s a million to one chance that you would be in an accident at that exact place again, but you would still be feel unpleasant memories and a little fear. You would have to go past that place over and over and over again to dampen those memories. I guess having anxiety is a bit like having a very bad accident (emotionally!) and that intersection is everywhere!! So it’s no wonder recovery seems to take so damn long!! Fear strikes in an instant but the habits it creates take a lot of work to undo.
    Hope I’m not talking rubbish!!! xx

  30. Nikki Says:

    Hi paul just read your reply to patrick and i think that is also good advice for me been rubbish again for couple of weeks and I also was disappointed to be feeling anxiety again although you did advise that this would happen.I know where i went wrong i allowed disappointment.As i have said i continue to live as normal.Just knowing i am on the right track despite this hiccup has given me the kick up the bum i needed to give up the fight again because i think i was subconciously trying to get back to how i felt last week instead of just being.Still i havent ever experienced two steps back before and i know what to expect next time.Although i have just lost my job and that has given me a bit of a knock so i wouldnt have felt great about that without the anxiety anyway whatever to it.Going to take a break and get back to life again .Thanks paul.

  31. Patrick Says:

    Nikki, I have not experienced two steps back before either and despite taking on board the advice to not be bothered- I guess I was and yes tried to “get back” and wonder why it went wrong, felt down and sorry for myself!! Even though I knew this was the wrong thing to do.

    I too am gonna make this my last blog “habit” visit and get back to life – got loads of really exciting things coming up this next month as well as loads to do at work and home! Take care.

  32. Carol R Says:


    Can anyone advise me how I stop beleiving my horrible thoughts. I also constantly analyse how things look and do I feel normal. Just wondered if anyone alse suffers with these symptoms.

    Carol R

  33. lisa Says:

    carol r, you stop believing them when you can let them pass by without fearing them. lets say youv opened a window and a fly comes in, you chase that fly round n round n round, all that fly is gonna do is gonna keep buzzing round n round, exactly the same as a “thought”. leave the fly(thought) alone and it will pass out of the window all by itself, you stop fearing them, off they go. they might come back n buzz again but leave it to go out the window all by itself. hope that helps :-) nice post paul as always, its so true you can only advise, the rest is up to yourselfs. your methods do work and were the tools that i was taught. sinks in one day, forgotten the next but when you do practise you always have the tools stored in your little tool box for life . have a lovely weekend all .

  34. teresa Says:

    Hi All
    Yet another brilliant post Paul – this is where the Blog works so well. It keeps reinforcing from another angle. I have had some good and some not so good days recently – my attitude is changing gradually. I still get frightened, I still over react – that’s what I feel has been my biggest problem – a lot of stuff is anxiety and a lot isn’t but it all gets thrown into a huge supermarket trolly of ‘IT’. I have found SO much help from Paul, his book and the blog – the individuals that have picked me up when I have been way down and reinvented my vision and perspective of things. I cannot thank everyone enough – the community of the blog keeps reinforcing the same message and eventually it does trickle in.
    Some days are good, I am learning not to look at life in an ‘all or nothing’ way – it does not have to be perfect or a disaster. I tell myself, the moment’s not good but positive will overtake negative and everything moves, like the tide. So a big part of my path forward is – learning not to expect perfect – it helps a lot. I know I will be back on occasions – having a moan and wanting anxiety all to end but I know that will get less as I learn to believe things don’t stay the same and trying to force things to be ‘right’ doesn’t make them so! I will learn not to over react, I am realising that anxiety does not go away whilst you worry about it – but when you realise it’s a name for over reacting and trying to make yourself feel perfect. Don’t know if that makes sense – hope it helps someone – I also agree with the ‘getting on’ with something and as Kashwan says, leaving the storm pass.
    Candie, How’s Baby Jayden doing – keeping you busy? Hope your house move goes sweetly.
    Nikki – hope things stabalise soon – I know what you mean about the ‘kick up the bum’ – not always easy to do it to yourself but i am sure you are on the right track again. I find that if something negative or worrying is happening, I will have symptoms even if I don’t think I am ‘Worrying’ about it – hope you find the keys to Lisa’s toolbox!! Take care
    Hope everyone has a good weekend – X

  35. Jay Says:

    Mike and Lotty

    Thanks for the comforting words. I just cant help but feel bad on times that I just totally blew it. Deep inside me, I know that there’s nothing wrong with me but when it comes I totally forget about that thought especially in situations that I feel trapped and have limited options to take. Im not agoraphobic but I really feel bad on certain places and maybe perhaps since this happens most of the time, I am able to bear it.

    What I a really am scared of is the sensations im feeling in my body especially my head. I really feel dread on the sensations I described in my earlier posts. The thing that pops up when this happens is amnesia, stroke etc. I am still young so I don’t think this is a possibility but the constant thought of these things really leaves my mind so dull like It ran out of energy to think. I also get headaches, not so intense but constant especially at the back.

    Also, I can feel my sensitized nerves. I feel constant giddiness like Im about to wilt and fall. I feel like I will be unable to move my arms, legs etc.

  36. Kashawn Says:

    Hi everyone!!!

    Paul awesome post, really sums up how to recover from Anxiety. I have been doing very well, alot of normal days. I can totally relate to Brian’s quotes in Paul’s post. 12 months ago I did exactly that; I tried figuring out a way out of the Anxiety mess, spending my whole day getting no where but feeling worse.

    Time and the Anxiety recovery process has taught me that our bodies can heal themselves if we simply move on with our tasks and try our best to focus on other things in our day. For me it was studying, working, exercising and socializing, despite feeling awful at times when doing these activities, I felt my anxiety bruise healing day by day because my attention was no longer on me and my recovery. Time teaches you to disregard ALL the anxiety symptoms; you grow into the attitude of :”I SIMPLY DONT CARE ANYMORE, LET ME FEEL AWFUL IT DOESNT MATTER IT CANT HARM ME BUT MAKE ME STRONGER. And that is exactly what the anxiety experience is doing for me, its making me a stronger person, all my values and thoughts have been reshaped and I no longer worry as I did before.

    Stop caring about how you feel, enjoy the day for what its worth even if you dont feel 100% right, its coming day by day!!!!

    All the best to everyone

    Paul thank you again for who you are and what you have done for me and millions of others.


  37. Hayley H Says:

    hello everyone, I have been fully accepting this feeling of DP for a while now and have been very good at not paying it any thought at all. I have been out and had good nights with my friends, however the feeling of DP hasnt subsided at all… is this normal? im not scared of it so why hasnt it gone? Is there any chance it will never go?? i am doing everything i enjoy but sometimes get stressed feeling im not fully enjoying it because of how i feel, does that make sense? a weird paniky feeling keeps coming over me today that im stuck with DP forever…. i reaaly dont want this!!! please can someone help! x x x x

  38. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Hayley,

    “hello everyone, I have been fully accepting this feeling of DP for a while now and have been very good at not paying it any thought at all. I have been out and had good nights with my friends, however the feeling of DP hasnt subsided at all… is this normal?

    DP doesn’t go overnight even when you no longer fear it.. it goes when you stop focussing your attention on it. I thought my DP would never go either but it did. Just carry on with what you are doing, sometimes the progress is so subtle you don’t actually feel as if you have improved, but you have.

    “im not scared of it so why hasnt it gone? Is there any chance it will never go?? i am doing everything i enjoy but sometimes get stressed feeling im not fully enjoying it because of how i feel, does that make sense? a weird paniky feeling keeps coming over me today that im stuck with DP forever…. i reaaly dont want this!!! please can someone help! ”

    Hayley, it sounds to me as if you are still focussing a ‘lot’ on the DP, so no wonder it is still with you. When you can learn to just let it be in the background without giving it any weight, it will subside… the attention you are giving it is keeping it with you at the moment that’s all.

  39. Helz Belz Says:

    Great post Paul, was just what I needed! have been feeling more ‘myself’ the last few weeks, with even a few moments of happiness, and even a (very) small bout of uncontrolable laughter for the first time in years! but the last 5 days or so have been back at stage one almost, feeling down, depressed, and with the ‘whats the point’ thoughts back with avengence, and feelings of just wanting to hide from everyone. I’m getting bored with feeling like this, because I can remember more clearly now the person I was 4 years ago before I started getting the anxiety, and would love dearly to be the happy, carefree person i was then. So I’m ignoring as best i can the thoughts and feelings, and trying not to secondarily think them through, which i’m getting better at doing.

    even though this setback is bad and horrible, it doesn;t feel nearly as scarey as they used to. I can remember feeling like this before when i was at my worst, but I don’t feel as scared as i did then, I know it will pass eventually, even though the anxiety is geving me ‘it wont go away, you’ll be stuck like this forever’ thoughts. i get the feeling i have come a long way along the winding path since i first came here. thank you all so much!

    pink days all! Helz -x-

  40. Hayley H Says:

    thank you Scarlett for reminding me this feeling of DP doesnt go over night! i suppose because i have been doing so well with ignoring it i thought it should have gone and because it hasnt i get worried!! Just another quick question… i cant remember what it feels like to be ‘normal’ as it were or feeling free in my own head! will this come back and i guess its just a worry caused by anxiety? x x x x x x

  41. trez Says:

    Hi Carol R,
    Everything that u have explained in your post i can totally relate to.I to get days were i’m constantly analizing everything i do and question do i feel normal,i was having some good weeks then fell back into the trap.Dont worry about it i think its due to habit,its not a nice feeling at all,im now just taking everyday as it comes,ive give up fighting trying to work it all out.Ive suffered with anxiety and panic since i had my second baby 18mnths ago,the physcial sensations are not as bad which is great,but now ive got in to the habit of analazing everything,does this leave you feeling down Carol?
    Hope ive helped you out a bit,we torture ourselves,so now i dont care about it if its there its there.x

  42. Lindsey Says:

    Hello. I’ve been spending alot of time reading the blogs on this website, and i figured it’s about time I seek everyone’s advice.
    I’m fairly new to the anxiety world, and have been seing a psychologist for the past month or so. I finally broke down and realized that something was bothering me and I need to find out what it is.
    I feel like I can’t think straight! I wake up in the morning and the second I’m awake enough to think, my stomach starts hurting and I feel like crying! It’s the worst feeling in the world and I’m miserable.
    The worst part of all of this is I have contributed this feeling to my relationship. My boyfriend is a wonderful person and I love him very much! But there are times that I can’t convince myself of that very statement. We have never been arguers…we get along great…and he’s the sweetest man I’ve ever met! But I find myself constantly looking for certainty in the relationship! I’m terrified that I’m going to ruin us just by thinking too much! I find it hard to enjoy the time I spend with him, because I’m constantly worried about our future.
    When these feeling come, the only thing that REALLY helps is talking to him. I’ve been very open about my “scared” feelings and he has been a godsend! He’s very good at calming me down and talking me through it! It just breaks my heart that I could even have these doubts when I know that for the last 2 years…I have been happier than I’ve ever been.
    Is this something that you all have experienced? My psychologist say I’m stuck in a vicious cycle of worry! Of course, when I’m down, I just KNOW that it’s not anxiety…it’s just my gut telling me I don’t want him. But I’m feeling good…he’s everything I’ve ever wanted.
    Help! I don’t want to ruin my relationship…he is the best thing to happen to me! But I can’t keep leaning on him to help me! It breaks his heart to know I’m doubting our future!
    Any advice? Thanks!

  43. sally Says:

    Hayley H,
    i too am still suffering with Dp, it is very frustrating, as i feel its a constant battle to keep my reality in check!!!! I would LOVE to speak to you in more depth about it, since i too am continuing my life with it there. my email is
    Please, feel free to contact me.

  44. Lotty Says:

    Hi Hayley H,
    That is truly the nature of anxiety, every stage you’re at you’re scared you will be there forever, living the rest of your life stuck in that limbo. I don’t have much dp at the moment but I remember very well the feeling of that desperation. Funny thing is, it passes and you’re in another stage and then you move into worrying that you’ll always be stuck at THAT stage!! LOL. Totally ‘normal’, don’t worry. And I remember worrying that I wouldn’t know how to feel normal again, in fact I remember actually being SCARED to feel normal; it was something totally foreign to me. It comes back a bit at a time and you will adjust. At first it’s strange, almost as if you feel a bit too vulnerable to be totally free, but you are grateful enough just to feel some relief. Then your confidence will grow and slowly you will feel more comfortable just to take the feelings as they come, good or bad.
    That’s how it’s happening for me anyway. xx

  45. James Says:

    Hello everyone, hope you’re all doing well. I’m finally on the right path to getting better thanks to Paul’s advice.

    Another thing that helped was just taking a step back and simply looking at how I’ve been for the past few months (since it all started) I started looking at MSN conversations with friends, and realised that my way of living hasn’t changed since this began, I’m fully able to enjoy conversations, jokes and all the other stuff just as much as before.

    What I’m trying to say is hard to explain, but I realised this isn’t a crippling thing at all, I’m still the same person as I was before all this began, and this anxiety was simply a trivial matter.

    You may be feeling terrible now, but so what? You’ve felt like this previously, so what’s there to fear? This time isn’t any different than before and nothing CRIPPLING bad happened the last time.

  46. Diana Says:

    James. You are so right. It is so amazing is it not? This thing you thought might kill you can be rendered insignificant by changing habits. I thought the anxiety would take my life. I cannot believe that I wake up without it on most days now. It is due to Paul and the wonderful people here.

    It goes deeper for me in some respects (as it probably does for everyone else), in that the pattern of being a worrier has followed me life long. Choosing not to be a worrier was something I never even considered remotely possible. And a certain amount of the mental chatter I might never be able to turn off. But I have found that I can say to myself, ok, enough thinking about xyz you have given it enough of your life energy, time to focus elsewhere now. I am capable of doing that even when I am not in an anxious state, which lowers the probability of anxiety even more.

    I liken this changing of habit to backing slowly off a cliff from which I have been perched, scared to death, focused on the dark hole below, for years. For some reason, I have always been drawn to that cliff’s edge with all of its darkness, fear and horror. I really did not know that I could choose not to be at the edge of that cliff, that it was up to me. I have tried it all – therapy, drugs, crying day and night, throwing myself into too much work and no relaxation, drinking too much wine. And now, I am like, well, ok – i really don’t want worry and anxiety to have the last word. And this website is sort of like a roadmap for people who are ready to kiss this crap goodbye!

    I love that I don’t have to deny or fight what I am feeling anymore. I don’t have to pretend. The people that love me are going to love me no matter what. The rest can go where it’s hot. What is, is. I cannot believe how much more grateful I am now, grateful for everything, from food to my house to my husband to the dog. The worry stopped me from seeing what I have. The anxiety stole any and all joy.

    Who wants to live without joy? No one. It is normal to feel despair when you are in a state of anxiety — it it a horrible feeling.

    But the only way out of it is to allow yourself to feel it, and then move on from it and not give it your time, life energy and attention.

    Who knew that it could work like that? When I think back on all the damn therapy I did, I REVELED in my anxiety. I fed the beast a four course dinner every second of the day. I picked apart every reason why things were so horrible. I tried to decipher it all. And it just got worse. Or it dove under and came out in another horrible way.

    Now when the heart beats come, I am like oh. There are the heart beats. ok. Think I will go fold some towels (instead of ohhhhhnooooo it’s coming back….) And by the last towel, my heart is mostly back to where it should be.

    I am not out of the woods, but I can see the light after the trees. That is for SURE! Thank you all.

  47. Lotty Says:

    Hi Diana,
    I really liked your post. And it reminds me that what we are doing – working through our anxiety – it’s a choice. We have chosen NOT to hide by throwing ourselves into the oblivion of alcohol or drugs or destructive behaviour. We have decided to no longer run away nor feed anxiety in any way. We have chosen to take the harder road, to change our attitude and lifestyle. And that’s empowering. Thank god for all of you and your words of support. xxx

  48. Nikki Says:

    HI all! Scarlett Paul or candie could you please clear up a query I have? When i have a particularly bad nervous day i am aware of how i feel all day,Its on my mind,not in analizing sense,i am just aware of how i feel.I go through my day as i would nerves or not no matter how i feel.I am just concious of my feelings.Is this the right thing?Today I am a bit confused! Am i right in assuming as long as i continue as normal no matter what thoughts or feelings i have being aware or not conscious of my feeling or not,if i continue as normal despite it all then at some point along the road do the nerves do eventually settle?I seem to have been waiting for time to pass to feel better.I am not trying to work it out or do things to make me feel better i challenge my feelings if i know a situation will affect how i feel i do it anyway.I am living as i normally would, not hiding away or avoiding but sort of wishing it was this time next year so i would feel o.k and i am wondering if this thinking would not in some way hold me back and i should really just accept my nerves as something i have to live with for the next however long before i can really move on? I just feel that my body is really tired and i want to relax and rest which is what i need right now,but with me feeling constantly apprehensive/nervous i dont seem to be able to relax properly.Hope all this makes sense to you.Thanks x x

  49. Nikki Says:

    HI sorry to post so soon i forgot to mention i dont fear this any more.I am not scared of feeling bad i just dont want to because it hinders my full enjoyment of everything Iam no longer frightened of thoughts i know why they occur i am just tired of their presense.I dont have physical symptoms anymore just as i say a constant nervousness.I do face this thing full on,I have 100%faith in myself that i can combat anything and all the things i want to do that leave me feeling a bit ooer I will do.I am not scared of how i feel just tired of it .

  50. lisa Says:

    nikki you say your sort of wishing it was this time next year so you would feel ok so your still not accepting!!!! so in a way you still are fearing, your still wanting rid of it by next year so you can feel ok, do you see the difference??? just allow to feel whatever your feeling, so what if your tied, tired of their presence, its your attitude to how you feel , if you were truly accepting you wouldnt want reassurance, can you see whats keeping it there? youl get there, but allow and patience , it took time to build up, its gonna take time to go nikki :-)

  51. Nikki Says:

    Hi lisa thats what I thought myself if im honest.It came to me as i was typing.I do understand what you mean i shouldnt be waiting for a time when i dont feel it anymore,true acceptance is not caring how you feel tommorow next week next year because it doesnt matter.Perhaps now i have come to realise that i have been doing this i can use this bit of knowledge to help me move on a bit.Also i feel a bit in limbo because I am waiting for my nursing studies to start in september and so i am not working at the moment and have little to focus on except housework and stuff.I would hope when I have something to focus on and get my attention a bit i wont be so caught up.I think boredom plays a big part in this condition for me personally as i hardly think about this ,even if i am feeling rubbish,when i am busy.Thanks for replying i think your right x x Hope you are doing o.k too !:)

  52. Kashawn Says:

    Diana, words spoken from the heart, I loved your last post.

  53. Paul David Says:

    Yes Diana excellent post and a massive realisation, I was going to copy and paste some of your post, but it should all be copied and pasted. You know how many wasted years I tried to change how I felt, spent countless years trying to figure a way out, worried and obsessed until I collapsed into tears. Way too many. It was only when I decided enough is enough, I am fighting a battle I should have never got involved with, today it stops.

    As you say here:

    But the only way out of it is to allow yourself to feel it, and then move on from it and not give it your time, life energy and attention.

    Who knew that it could work like that? When I think back on all the damn therapy I did, I REVELED in my anxiety. I fed the beast a four course dinner every second of the day. I picked apart every reason why things were so horrible. I tried to decipher it all. And it just got worse. Or it dove under and came out in another horrible way.

    So very true. Anxiety is a normal human reaction that does not need to be analysed at every turn. How the hell could I ever get better while I fought every feeling that came my way? How could I ever get better while I tried to figure out every feeling that came my way? How could I ever get better while I worried about every feeling that came my way?

    That is something I look back on as wasted years and don’t want others to fall into the same trap.

  54. Nikki Says:

    I have realised i am way to focused on recovery.I have come to the conclusion recovery is not important getting on with life is!.I should not be waiting for a time when i feel ‘normal’ again rather learn what i can from this experience as it will pass.I should have the attitude so what if i feel this forever.It does not matter.I do not want to be concerned with whether these nerves settle or not but rather on getting on with life facing whatever when it comes not worrying about ifs and buts.I think I am impatient because i am waiting to get better.There is no patience needed to live normally,there os no frustration there.I seem to be constantly asking for conformation as to whether this will go despite being told numerous times by everyone here that it will.Right now at this moment i get it.I dont care if i still have nerves in two years or ten years im still goinig to make the same choices with or without nerves.I am to hard on myself to be perfect.I have to learn to live without waiting for something because thats what i have been doing.I have followed all advice no avoidance etc but never stopped waiting .Thanks paul for this blog because i think typing on here helps me put into words what i feel and i can then objectively look at where i go wrong .Todays realisation is going to challenge me to put into practice but at least i got to this point .Thanks all x x

  55. lisa Says:

    nikki you dont need to challenge anything, just walk away from the battle and get on with living. i no boredom is a big part, im sure you posted you have children, me aswell i have 2. try and plan something to do even if its 2-3 times a week in the holidays.swimming, bike rides, picnic, baking, if youv a park look for things beginning with the alphabet see who finds it first etc… depending on there age of course!! whilst your doing that your not thinking about recovery. im doing fine thank you , bit of a cold but not swine yes diana a good post, and the way paul describes it as well was so true to home. taking the kids to dalby forest in the holidays for days so looking forward to that if the weather stays fine n dry :-) and of course topping me tan hahaha.

  56. Claire R Says:

    Morning everyone…some great posts on here..Been following this site for a while now..thanks to everyone…but have a had relapse recently over the past couple of weeks..I know my nerves are going into overdrive and highly senstisized..but when I when I woke up this morning, and you are in a semi conscious state..i think I was still dreaming and hearing things, but now think I have an awful mental illness like Schzaphrenia.. sorry bad spelling I know…Can someone help me please..I know its all in my mind but just need some this normal, i feel really scared..xx

  57. Lotty Says:

    Hi Claire R,
    Please don’t worry, it’s just anxiety playing its tricks. I was so convinced I was going insane that I actually asked my boyfriend at one stage to take me to the mental hospital. The funny thing was, the moment the words were out of my mouth and I had resigned myself to the fact that I was insane (I had almost ‘given up’ so to speak), my mind cleared enough to reassure me that it wasn’t true. I had ‘given up the fight’ in a sense, and it gave me a clue as to how to approach anxiety in general. Then when I started to get some good days I was convinced I was bipolar. The truth is, people like us aren’t suffering mental illness as such. People with severe mental illnesses don’t tend to know they are losing touch with reality, and in a sense we are the opposite – we are TOO IN TOUCH with our mental state. You will be ok, I know exactly how you feel. xxxxx

  58. Claire R Says:

    Hi Lotty, thank you so much for replying to me…completely understand what you are saying..because as you said people with severe mental illness do not know they are losing touch with reality. But do you think I have just imagined it then this morning? As I was still waking up from my sleep, it must have been my sub conscious…Am still questioning it though, sitting here at my desk x

  59. Lotty Says:

    Of course you are thinking about it at the moment – these intense thoughts shake you for a while. But it will do you no harm. I had a quite a few episodes like this and I would say they were one of the worst things I went through, and at that time it was in the middle of sleep or just waking up as you say where it hits you the worst. I don’t know why just waking up is so hard but it was certainly true for me – that semi-conscious state is when I was very vulnerable to scary thoughts. I don’t think you ‘imagined’ it as such, I think you had a scary thought and you reacted to it and in that semi-conscious state it makes it very nightmareish. Do you know what I mean? But Claire, you can rest assured that I’ve been where you are and time has passed and I no longer feel like that in the morning. I have difficult mornings but I get up and get moving and I manage to shake the worst feelings off. Just keep trying to see these thoughts as anxiety needing an outlet. xxxx

  60. Lindsey Says:

    Hello. I’ve been spending alot of time reading the blogs on this website, and i figured it’s about time I seek everyone’s advice.
    I’m fairly new to the anxiety world, and have been seing a psychologist for the past month or so. I finally broke down and realized that something was bothering me and I need to find out what it is.
    I feel like I can’t think straight! I wake up in the morning and the second I’m awake enough to think, my stomach starts hurting and I feel like crying! It’s the worst feeling in the world and I’m miserable.
    The worst part of all of this is I have contributed this feeling to my relationship. My boyfriend is a wonderful person and I love him very much! But there are times that I can’t convince myself of that very statement. We have never been arguers…we get along great…and he’s the sweetest man I’ve ever met! But I find myself constantly looking for certainty in the relationship! I’m terrified that I’m going to ruin us just by thinking too much! I find it hard to enjoy the time I spend with him, because I’m constantly worried about our future.
    When these feeling come, the only thing that REALLY helps is talking to him. I’ve been very open about my “scared” feelings and he has been a godsend! He’s very good at calming me down and talking me through it! It just breaks my heart that I could even have these doubts when I know that for the last 2 years…I have been happier than I’ve ever been.
    Is this something that you all have experienced? My psychologist say I’m stuck in a vicious cycle of worry! Of course, when I’m down, I just KNOW that it’s not anxiety…it’s just my gut telling me I don’t want him. But I’m feeling good…he’s everything I’ve ever wanted.
    Help! I don’t want to ruin my relationship…he is the best thing to happen to me! But I can’t keep leaning on him to help me! It breaks his heart to know I’m doubting our future!
    Any advice? Thanks!

  61. Claire R Says:

    thank u so much for replying to me again, its so good to know I am not the only one, how did you get through this phase though? By doing nothing like Paul says, how did your rational mind/thoughts come back? x

  62. Lotty Says:

    Hi Claire,
    The way it went for me, is that I kept in mind that it was anxiety latching onto a crazy thought that wasn’t rational and that was blown out of proportion by my reaction towards it. That didn’t make it easier right away and I didn’t fully believe it at first. I hadn’t found this wonderful web-site at that stage. Now and again I started having better periods, where anxiety didn’t seem to nag at me (don’t get me wrong, these periods at the beginning were a matter of a few minutes or a few hours long). In these periods I would think back to those those scary thoughts and they didn’t seem to have the same impact. How could I have felt like I was insane one day and then have a period of clarity the next? And surely if I was going to go crazy, I would have done so by now?! So the next time I felt horrible, I just kept that in mind. And I started to let my thoughts say whatever they wanted to say. I didn’t try to not to think them, but I didn’t BUILD on them by focusing my attention on them. Paul’s advice really helped me here: “let them (the thoughts) have their space, if you try to fight it’s a battle you will lose for sure”. Don’t give the thoughts the importance they are craving (I “shrug” at them in my ‘mind’s eye’!!) and over time the thoughts gradually seem to lose their weight and your mind will be more easily distracted by other things. Then they still come but only when you think to yourself “how am I feeling at the moment?”, which is at the stage I’m at now. Claire, don’t demand results right away – I won’t lie to you, it did take some time. xxxx

  63. Jenny in America Says:

    This site and info has offered so much help. I have had so many good days and rarely frequent the site any longer. It seems though, that almost like clock work, every few weeks, I have a set back. A wave of anxiety will sweep over me, I will spend a few days questioning, analyzing where it came from, etc… Then I rally myself and decide to just move on and it once again leaves.
    I have had one of those set backs this past week, and with it obsessive thoughts. I have thoughts like, “Is this OCD? Am I one of those people that just NEEDS medication because of a chemical imbalance? Worry, Anxiety, OCD tendencies runs in my family, does that mean this is something I can’t get past with time?” I have always struggled with worry and indecision, but never to the point of panic and anxiety that hit about 3 years ago. I used an SSRI for about 6 months and remember clearly while on it that I still struggled, hating that I was on a medication, hating the side effects, etc…. It’s been about a year that I weaned off it. And looking back would say I have improved greatly in the past 6 months. But the thoughts are so scary and intrusive when they come, “this will always be you, you have a genetic issue, etc…..” Is it possible to experience complete freedom without falling back in every few weeks or days?

  64. trez Says:

    Hi people, Was just wondering can anyone help me out here.This past few weeks been struggling,i dont no if its the thoughts thats making feel so bad,i keep feeling that im not going to eat through the next day because i feel so bad,its as if im there in body but my mind telling me different,i still get up and get on with things,but feel that the next day is going to get worse,does anyone understand this,please could i get a bit of advice on it as it is pulling me down.thanksx

  65. Paul David Says:

    Sorry if anyone had a problem accessing the site in the last 24 hours, it was a hosting problem out of my control, all back up and working again. Please if anyone finds the same problem again then email me as sometimes I am not aware of the problem until I log in.


  66. lorryt Says:

    hi all

    having a trying time, put me into complete panic when my sister told me yesterday her best mate possibly wont live another week ( aggressive brain tumour cancerous) she is someonei have known for a long time and its sort of put me back into panic mode, i can understand at me being upset and thinking things through, but it seems to get me looking inward and thinking taht eveyrlittle thing i have wrong with me is life threatening. then my thoughts seem to go back to me its so selfish. i know emotions make us human but mine seem to go into overload and meltdown. i realise i am still vulnerable and my nerves do play a large part in things, i know i expect too much from myself and i should just go with the flow . sorry for letting off but am finding it quite hard today.have had a few very positive weeks just got on with lif eand it felt good to be normal!. well anxiety free at least.been a bit of a crappy year for losing people , gotta count my lucky starts i guess.xxxxxxxxxxxx

  67. Fiona Says:

    Hey folks, i haven’t been on for a while as been on holiday etc. I hope everyone is well and making good progress, mine has been slow and up and down but its there none the less.
    Belated congratulations to Candie and baby!
    A wee bit of advice from me is that best thing you can do is not to get caught up in your own thinking, easier said than done obviously but people who have recovered will vouch that its fundamental to recovery, it so tempting to think long and hard especially when your thinking is negative and your are trying to justify and correct it. But letting it go will allow you to focus outward and that is main objective.
    Fi xx

  68. Stephen Says:

    Hi scarlet

    Havent posted in a little while and was doing really good. for a period of about three weeks i felt really close to normal, i was just accepting and doing everything as before life with anxiety and i was feeling really good and over it. although i still had moments of underlying anxiety it was really mild and something i could instantly dismiss and move on. However ive had a setback in the last week which has knocked me around a little bring back some feelings of despair and dread and making me feel down. :(

    i found that staying away from the site helped me forget about my anxiety but im a little confused at the moment. The otherday i came to the conclusion that i have not become a psycho, a scitz or what ever other illness i thought ive had in the whole year ive suffered so it is just anxiety. however this setback has just letf me questioning a few of thoes fears again as i freaked myself out this morning about them thinking i had them.

    Ive noticed when i get thoughts like ‘whats the meaning of life’ or ‘whats the point when you feel like this’ i get a rush of anxiety or that sinking feeling and feel terrible for a while and then i start questioning wheather is like now depression etc. i dont mean for this to sound so negative because i had made amazing progress and felt really good its just this last setback has been challenging me. Is it normal to get a bigish setback after a big eriod of good and when you flet near the end of the recovery road? i thought i was over alot of these fears.


  69. Hayley H Says:

    Hello Sally and Lotty thank you so much for replying to my posts, Sally i would love to email you and speak more about how we feel, hopefully it will give us more strength to believe this is only a faze!

    Lotty thank you for explaining the feelings of DP i can completely understand what you mean by battling the feeling at each stage and altough i no ive got a little better….. very slow process though! i do still worry this will be me forever! sometimes now i feel freee from it for about 10 mins but never realise im free from it till i have it back again… does that make sense?? can i ask how long your DP lasted and how did you rid yourself of it completely??

    Also just wanted to say a big thank you to everyone who has ever written to me on here i really appreciate your reassurance!! its means sooooo much x x x x x x

  70. Angela Says:

    Hi everyone!I stumbled across this website yesterday, so I am very new to this!I feel so much better, because I now understand I’m not crazy!argh!that was really bugging me for ages. I love all the positive comments. I am very new to this and have only suffered for a few months due to too much stress in my life(I’m a student..yes we do have stress)I didn’t know what it was at first, but I really want to be well again soon..I still don’t think I have grasped this completely as it’s really worrying me at the moment that so many people seem to have this for years and that’s what I don’t want(I guess that’s the anxious thought that will keep it going right?)it is isn’t it!lol!argh!ok well I’ll just practice thought flooding then-so what if it continues(I don’t care)I can still do everything I want. It’s not so bad that I can’t do anything!I was actually feeling pretty fine a few weeks ago but then some horrible stuff happened which left me feeling really stressed out and anxious again. Oh yeah and I totally get the thing after having had a drink, hangovers are not good for feeling anxious. But you cannot let the feeling beat you and let you not have a good time. So I say just do everything that you would usualy do if you didn’t have anxiety and then the feeling will vanish in time..(have I got the right idea here?)I think I do!Someone tell me if I’m getting this wrong please, as this is literally my second day of fully learning about this whole thing!

    also, I play the guitar and I find that really relaxing. It’s a good idea (I think) to engage yourself in as many activities that make you happy!

    Also, I spent about two months trying to get rid of the feeling every single day and it was absolute hell..I couldn’t enjoy anything I did and I understand that’s the worst way to go about it. If you have a feeling you just have to feel it, and if you have a thought that distresses you then you have to let it in, in order to realise that nothing bad can happen to you. Am I right in saying so?I also read somewhere that this happens when people aren’t in touch with their emotions and over think things..I really want your book paul.

    sorry for rambling on, just some thoughts,and they’re all positive I think!


  71. JR Says:

    Great post again Paul. Anyone who is on here that has DP, please do not worry…this is not you forever. My DP has almost vanished. I still have mild DP, but my mind is becoming so flexible again and all DP symptoms are slowly going away. Your will too, i promise. It’s just what Paul mentions, it’s a unthawing process.

    One thing I ‘m noticing is that DP seems to be almost separate from anxiety. It’s an anxiety symptom, cause by a extremely tired mind, but it seems that once the DP starts to fade, problems or memories that might have led me into the condition reemerge, if that makes sense. Like I was anxious for years and then finally my mind tired and tired until finally full DP hit me with a vengeance. I’m wondering if Paul, Scarlet, or anyone else who has recovered from DP has felt the same way?

  72. Suzy Says:

    I’ve had anxiety for over 3 years, and I don’t even know where to begin. I am glad to have found this site and read what everyone has to say because this website described everything I have been feeling perfectly. I know everyone keeps saying there is no overnight fix, but I honestly have no idea how to even begin working through this. It has been going on for so long, I don’t even remember how I used to think. I don’t remember how I ever made my brain stop. Reading everything for the first time, I felt really empowered that it might actually be possible to beat this. But now that I’m trying to think of a game plan to actually implement some of these new ideas, I can’t.

    Does anyone have any suggestions on how to take the first step?

  73. Hayley H Says:

    hi everyone, i hope everyone is well? I was just wondering Paul when your book on DP is out?? Your other book helped start me on the road to recovery and I really would love to read your DP book as this is my only syptom and its very distressing x x x x x

  74. Lotty Says:

    Hi Hayley H,
    I won’t lie to you, I had dp badly for quite a while – probably about four months. But you can’t measure your progress against anyone else’s Hayley, that’s something I’ve learned the hard way. It helps if you look at it with the right perspective though – you know that it’s your body protecting you don’t you? As Paul stresses, once you understand what’s happening to you and that it’s totally ‘normal’ you lose a lot of your fear. And fear is what keeps symptoms powerful. It seems to me that you still fear it a lot, you are asking me how I got “rid of it” – that says a lot. I didn’t “get rid of it”, I let it be there. I had no choice – it was going to be there whether I liked it or not!! I didn’t like it, I didn’t need it, but I knew why it was there and I tried to live alongside it. I knew that by fearing it and focusing on it I would only make it more powerful. So try not to have the attitude of “getting rid of it”, because by doing this you are giving it attention and importance. Do you know what I mean Hayley?

  75. Hayley H Says:

    hi Lotty, i know exactly waht you mean thank you for having patience with me about this. I feel i have been accepting it much more but i also know some days i feel worried it will never go or worried im missing out on my life whilst its here!
    I think ill read Pauls book again as it took alot of fear away in the first place but i know the fear hasnt completley gone, thank you for reminding me to live alongside it and not battle with it in my head!
    Iv had my DP for 4months now and i suppose i thought it would have gone by now thats why i worry it will never go!! stupid i know, but its so terrifying isnt it??
    Even though im not to sure why it came on as nothing was a massive worry in my life at the time, i have always worried about mine and my families heatlh etc, do you think even that could have brought this on??
    thank you Lotty for having time to explain it to me again i really appreciate your help, I hope your doing well also x x x x x x

  76. Victor Says:


    There is nothing to do, you just have to accept whatever aspect of anxiety you are experiencing. I know it is a difficult concept to grasp, but it means pretty much just letting whatever thoughts or feelings you are having and just let them go. Do not spend your day thinking about anxiety, do not stress these thoughts/feelings, you have had them for 3 yrs and nothing terrible has happened,so why keep stressing them? It will not be easy, as it has been 3 years. But with the right attitude and with time, i promise you that you will see results. Just be patient.

    I hope this helps, if you have any questions please just ask. I am sure that whatever you are experiencing somebody on here has been through it. Good luck.

  77. brian Says:

    Hey guys, I have to confess I am still having quite a bit of trouble. I posted a little while ago that I thought I finally got it, but that quickly went away pretty much the day I posted it. I have done that a few times now, where I think I have had some great realization, so I post how I have it all figured out, then it literally collapses around me. I know that probably means I am relying on my thoughts, trying to figure it out, and when I think something that makes sense and makes me feel good, I think I have it all figured out. Of course that only lasts momentarily, and I go from thinking I have it all figured out to realizing I am not on the right path at all and farther than ever from actually getting it.

    Looking back on the past year, I feel like I have not really done anything this website says, but I just don’t know how. I have known about this website for about 15 months now, and after noticing incredible changes for the first 4, it all came apart after that, and I have been on a downward spiral ever since then. I know I tell this story over and over, but I don’t know what else to do besides for ask for help.

    I got into Eckhart Tolle’s stuff for awhile but that, like everything, eventually led nowhere. Now I am back here, and I know deep down that this website is the best chance I have at recovering. I know this because of how I felt for the first 4 months I found this site, making great progress to the point that I felt almost recovered. I know this is a real bummer post, but I know eventually I’ll get back on the right track. Also, it’s really great to see so many people connecting with this web site and getting it, this blog is definitely a very special place. Also I’m about to go out of town for a couple of weeks, so I might not be around to post. Thanks guys.

  78. Lotty Says:

    Oh Hayley, you’re more than welcome. I know how it is – don’t you think I needed the same reassurance I’m giving you over and over again? Yes, and probably more!! I was lucky enough to have a very loving sister who has been through this as well; she called me EVERY NIGHT to tell me the same things over and over again. And worrying that symptoms will never go, it seems to be the most persistent of all the anxiety thoughts. Because of course we want to feel better sooner rather than later, but as my sister used to say to me, it will take all the time it needs whether we like it or not!! I found that the body lagged behind quite a bit; I would accept and try not to fear a symptom but it still stuck around for a lot longer. The key is not to despair or get frustrated or be hard on yourself while it’s still sticking around, that’s what will set you back.
    And another thing I think I’ve learned during this process and I think Scarlett and Candie have said also is that trying too hard to figure out the “whys” don’t get you very far. Hayley, I didn’t have any major worries in my life either. I think my “episode” began with a panic attack that came out of the blue. Then I think I must have got very wary and started looking for signs that I wasn’t well, “listening in” to myself I guess. And then wham! But it doesn’t necessarily matter what brought this on for you, as long as you use the skills that you pick up during your recovery to change your life for the better so that you cope with stress better and realise what a waste of time worrying really is! xxx

  79. Paul David Says:

    Hayley I started the book on D.P a while back but have had no time to go any furthur with it. I was thinking of just expanding what is wrote in this book and shelving it for a while. What the problem maybe is that you hate it so much and find it so irritating, that you feel the need to find a way to get ‘rid’ of this thing. This is the wrong approach, the approach is to pay it no mind and just carry on regardless. I am not saying run away from the feeling, just allow it to be part of you for the time being. Yes its not nice, but it was only when I allowed myself to feel this way and to not get frustrated or try daily to rid myself of this feeling was I able to move forward. You just need to have that patience and just trust that time will heal. Your D.P is there to protect you from all the deep thinking and worry, its a safety mechanism, this is why you feel so blank and emotionless, well if you now worry and obsess about this feeling, trying to rid yourself of it, then it is more worry and deep thinking, hence it feels the need to keep protecting you and you stay in the cycle. Once we truly allow ourselves to feel emotionless/odd then we stop all the worry and obsessing and our body begins to say ‘O.k you no longer need me to protect, I will leave you’ but it does take some time, it sort of creeps up on you, so don’t put any time limits on anything.


  80. lorryt Says:


    i just want to thankyou for being such a big influence in my recovery , i am well enough now that i can help a very good friend who is suffering badly with depression, i have given her your book, i am trying to encorage her to read it , it will help her to understand. she has been pushed from pillar to post and has been on numerous antidepressants and is going to be put on lithium?. i ithink for me to have got this far and want to be helping others says someting about my own state of mind really. i so want to help her but it has to come from her and her changing habits, i totally understand how she feels and she has the same classic fears and reassurances as i did and sher is caught up in the cycle of thinking she will never recover.i am living proof that she can, although i am not out of the woods yet i can understand a lot more. thankyou what a road of recovery it is , sure does change you as a person but for so much the better, i think i will cope better for the futurexxxxWOW I KNOW I RABBLE BUT ITS GOOD TO FEEL NORMAL !.

  81. Mike Says:

    Hayley H, I can second what Paul has said about DP. I still have anxiety, but it is getting easier all the time and is nothing like it was at my low point last summer. This time last year I was suffering terribly with DP, I was even anticipating at which time of the day it would reach it’s peak (10:30 am as it happens), and then wondered why it was always so bad at the same time every day! Of course I see now it was because I was getting anxious about the DP coming on, and the more anxious I became the stronger the DP became; I was in a vicious circle.

    Now however I don’t care about the DP any more, even though I haven’t yet been fully able to accept other areas of my anxiety. When the DP comes I simply ignore it and get on with whatever I was doing. I almost always find a short while later its gone, and I hadn’t even noticed it had. I can’t explain how I did it, at some point I just stopped caring about it and it went on its own.

    I can give another practical example of how DP works. A while ago I went through an extremely stressful situation at work (I won’t go into details). For the first day or so I started slipping back into lengthy periods of DP, obviously my body protecting me from the stress. However, when I decided to start focusing on what positive action I could take to resolve the situation, the DP vanished right away. Not only that but my anxiety levels fell through the floor as well, and I actually felt really good! All this even when I was in the middle of a highly stressful situation, that not a few days before I couldn’t see how I could cope with it! I was relishing it! It’s now all over, and not only did I resolve the situation, but have done so very, very well (a little bit of self praise there).

    You know what has just struck me writing this post? It’s really quite nice to be able to write about some of this stuff in the past tense. :-)

  82. Claire R Says:

    Hi Lotty or other friends on here

    My heart goes out to anyone else who is suffering too at the mo..

    I am so grateful for your help last week.. I think I have lost my way again with recovery…my senses are so sensitised with sound, does anyone else has this…then I start thinking I ahave an awful pyscho illness etc…Is it right I am not accepting everything.. please can i have some words of reasurrance, thankyou xx

  83. Lotty Says:

    Hi Claire,
    Yes, I had the sensitivity to sound thing too. I remember not even being able to sit near someone munching crisps or being in a room where music was playing anything but softly. There are a whole host of weird things that happen to you when you feel this way. Paul has often said not to single each symptom out, try to see them all under the same “umbrella” of anxiety, and this really really helped me a lot. Claire, if I had to list the weird sensations I have felt I would be here all day!! Anxiety throws up so many of them that if you try and deal with each one individually you are really making things harder for yourself. They are all the result of an over-sensitised body and mind. I’ll bet you would find it hard to name one symptom that somebody else on this blog hasn’t had. Just remember that none of them do you any damage in the long run – that was the first step I made towards losing my fear of them. xxx

  84. Kate Says:

    Hi Everyone

    I am struggling a little with an irrational thought and wondered if anyone can reassure me. I have had a fear for a while that I will wet myself and embarrass myself in front of everyone. Some days I find it easy to accept but others I am scared this isn’t anxiety and I have a phobia that will be with me from now on. I have read through other peoples symptoms and have never come across this worry. I don’t think I can accept it until I understand why I have it.
    I would really appreciate any help anyone can give me. Thank you x

  85. Fiona Says:

    Hey Kate, poor you!! There is nothing worse than a stupid irrational thought!! The first and most important step is one you have already done and that is realising how stupid the thought is. Next step is dealing with it. You need to understand that everone gets random anxious thoughts each and every day but a non anxoius person will ignore them. You, however, have latched on to this thought and are habitually using it to scare yourself!! First accept that you have random anxoius thoughts
    (like everyone), secondly laugh at the thought, its just an irrational fear and thirdly dont get upset because the thoought does not disappear immediately it will take a while to dissapear, this happens slowly as you concentrate on other things. Unfortunately there is no quick fix just patience and understanding xx

  86. Claire R Says:

    Hi Fiona,
    good post, as I am having trouble with irrational thought processes..really badly, I need all the reasssurance I can get pls?…

    Also, thank you Lotty you are helping me soooo much, I am glad you understand about noises/sounds etc. And I must put all symptons under 1 umbrella, not single them out x

  87. Kate Says:

    Hi Fiona

    Thanks for your post, it’s really helpful. I think I’m just finding it difficult because of the physical feeling. I also start thinking ‘Oh god, what if I did ever do it then I would know I’m capable’ and get myself really wound up and scared. Thanks again Fiona x

  88. Fiona Says:

    Kate, stop following the train of thought….. the words in your sentence say it all ‘what if….’ You need to practise a calm and relaxed attitude. Slowly your confidence will build as you start to disengage from constant thinking. Your mind is not meant to think constantly. If you think back to before you suffered…. yes you thought about stuff but you also had down time i.e. relaxed daydreaming. Disengaging from irrational thoughts and thinking you will become more happy and relaxed producing a positive cycle! But it takes time, of course… but it works xxx

  89. Paul David Says:

    Lorry it’s great that you have come so far. I remember when you first came here in a bit of a pickle. But you stuck with it and have seen big changes, it is a process. There has been a few thank you emails this week and I may put them up in a post to encourage others.

  90. Lotty Says:

    Hi Kate,
    It’s not so strange about the weeing thing you know. In the early days, I always felt like I needed to go to the toilet, in fact I was weeing constantly. Now I know why they say that you “wet yourself in fear”. I guess fear/anxiety affects the kidneys that way. It just happens that I didn’t fixate on that particular symptom, I was too worried about other ones that I was more scared of. I suspect that the idea of wetting yourself is a scenario that you particularly dread, and that is why it’s such a persistent symptom for you. For me it was losing my mind, so I had a lot of mental symptoms. Someone on this blog said once before that anxiety will latch on to your greatest fears and play on them, and I agree. Just remember, it’s only a THOUGHT magnified by your anxiety, nothing more. xx

  91. louise Says:

    Hi everyone,i havent been on here in a good while and ive been doing well.Not long back from a lovely 2wk holiday in Tenerife with my family,loved it but im defo suffering post holiday blues!!I just read pauls latest post on living with anxiety and as always found it very enlighting,i so agree and i must say for a long time i really didnt believe i was making any progress but i decided enough was enough and i told myself that no matter how i feel or how i come across ive got to LIVE and i deserve to live and be happy,armed wth knowledge about anxiety an reassurence that there was nothing SERIOUSLY wrong with me-i got on with things,further down the line it occured to me just how much progress i had actually made.Ive a way to go yet-but im doing well!!I feel more confident,my symptoms dont scare me anymore and im looking forward to the future!!I dont do anything amazing,i take each day as it comes i dont frighten myself with what if statements and i face and accept everything that comes my way,some days are better than others and thats cool too.I think the biggest change of all is that i no longer allow anxiety to RUIN my life i did for 10yrs and after reading pauls book,getting some help and doing some research myself i called a HALT.Life is short and life is for living for now an the foreseable future i 100% ACCEPT myself for how/what i am and if others dont like me find me strangre/awkward then thats there problem!!Im at a point that im not entirely sure if ill be 100% i think ill always be an anxious person,so be it,but im happy too and everyday im growing stronger and more comfortable in my own skin!!Speak soon xxxxxx

  92. trez Says:

    Hi everyone,feeling a bit stressed out at the moment,dont no if my imagination is in overdrive or what it is that im feeling,its a feeling that im questioning all the time,its as if im a stranger in my own body and im starting to believe it,is this a symptom of DP,can anyone help,have posted a few times but had no replys,its quite scary.thanks.x

  93. Kate Says:

    Hi Lotty

    Thanks for replying to my post. I used to suffer with the ‘losing my mind’ thought and I know how horrible it was but I seemed to able to eventually understand why I was having it and in time it disappeared. You are exactly right…….wetting myself is a scenario I particularly dread as I once did it on my first day at school when I was 11 years old in front of a class of people I didn’t know and still remember every detail. This must be why I am latching onto it so much as anxiety has found my weak spot and playing it’s tricks. Thanks Lotty – the reassurance really does help me xx

  94. trez Says:

    hi me again,would just like to say was reading through the posts and noticed when i posted on the 16th of july i made a mistake instead of spelling get i spelt eat.sorry not that great on the pc.

  95. lorryt Says:

    hi all

    strange how after a good spell the bad stuff comes back again !.IT SEEMS

  96. lorryt Says:

    AS THOUGH IT IS TRYING TO FIND ITS WAY BACK IN ANYWAY IT CAN.BUT I SHALL ET ITY THROUGH AND IT WILL GO I KNOW,JUST GETS ON MY NERVES THAT IT TRIES ANSD TRIES TO GET BACK IN FIND IT GETS ME ANGRY AND MANIFESTS ITE4SLF IN THOUGHTS of my health and i get quite caught up in it. but i shall try not to today and say whatever does get easier and easier the more you adopt the attitude, and the more natural it becomes. thnaks guys just needed to get that off my chestxx.

  97. Fiona Says:

    Hey Lorryt, dont you let it get to you… see past it if you know what i mean! Understanding allows you to do that. I’ve being doing well but have a bit of PMS a the mo so thats never helpful. Try not to get caught up in your thinking. Brush off thoughts of anxiety and illness and eventually they will go. Have a nice rest of the day xx

  98. Hayley H Says:

    thank you Lotty and Paul for replying to my posts, i think im finding being patient very hard!! i think the worst thing for me is i feel im missing out on my life as its happening! as you say Lotty it really helps having family to reassure you, bless my mum she tells me im ok nearly every day and never gets annoyed! :) i suppose this anxeity symptom can happen to anyone so i need to stop thinking why me? etc, although i do worry im weaker than others and when it goes it may come back with any little worry!!….. anxeity speaking again!!
    Paul thank you for replying about the book, if you ever do write one on DP i would LOVE to buy it! your ‘at last a life’ book was amazing for explaining it so well so thank you. I do realise my only worry about anxiety now is the DP so i guess thats why its still hanging around! i also need to stop worrying its been here for 3 months then 4 and so on!! i know im putting time to it and i suppose thats not helping either! so thank you for explaining and reassuring me again.
    Mike I know what you mean about knowing when it will be worse as i do that too!! and i know its only us making it worse as were expecting it, so would you say your DP is slowly leaving you then? im hoping my CBT will allow me to have more positive thoughts. i loved your bit Mike about writing about the past not the present….. well done you and im sure we will all get there soon x x x x x x

  99. Sarah Says:

    Hello I’ve been dealing with anxiety and panic for about 9 months now. The first few months were a nightmare, I couldn’t leave the house, I was on a lot of meds, I couldn’t eat or sleep and lost tons of weight. I’m now off meds and can leave the house. My problem is I’m still anxious most of the time I even wake up that way. My biggest fear besides having to go through these horrible feeling and symptoms is the thought of death. My symptoms scare me into thinking I’m going to die which makes me more scared and worried and even when I’m not anxious I think of death. Do you have any advice on how I can be over this fear as if fuels my anxiety and panic. Thank you so much for your time

  100. Kashawn Says:

    Hi Kate,

    Im near full recovery and sometimes still have thoughts of sudden death. This happens because you’re nerves are rattled and really tired, so when adrenaline runs through your extremely tired nerves, you feel physical symptoms of Anxiety along with the irrational thoughts of sudden death.

    All you can do is shrug your shoulders to these thoughts, know that they are irrational and produced by an exhausted mind. The very act of you writing down your fear on this blog, the thinking of this fear is truly feeding the Anxiety and thus it lingers around.

    Keep living doing everyday things, and let these thoughts come in, have the “who cares” attitude, this is the key to recovery…you will then notice that these thoughts come with less force and the fear diminishes to smaller and smaller thoughts, Trust me:)


  101. Fiona Says:

    Hi Kate. i just want to reitterate what Kashwan has said, these thoughts are common during anxiety probably because they are the most anxious and scary thoughts you can get. There not nice and its upseting to think that way but please dont think that your alone as the majority of people who suffer get these type of thought, ignore them and keep them in perspective. They will diminsh with time if you dont let your self get distressed by them. You’ll find that as you imrprove you will swing between periods of feeling normal and positive and then anxiety and scary thoughts will come in and then normal again. There is light at the end of the tunnel…. i promise, but you have to travel through it to get there.
    Hope this helps

  102. Fiona Says:

    Sorry was for Sarah (and Kate as well obviously) xx

  103. Tracey Says:


    I used to have the same fact just the mere word death would scare me before..if I heard anyone say it I would get tense and feel panic. But I will tell you it did fade. It no longer bothers me, since then I’ve gotten stuck on different topics but I have gotten a lot better since I’ve followed what Paul and the others say on here. It truly does work. You just always have to remember your thoughts don’t mean anything, there’s no hidden meaning they are just thoughts and your anxiety is making them a bigger deal.

  104. claire r Says:

    Hi everyone,

    such good words on here as usual about the thoughts, still have the thought of losing my mind, mad still finding it hard..what am I doing wrong? xx

  105. mac Says:

    hey everyone its mac, my question is the fact that i cannot hink clearly at all and cant think rationally about anything, it feels like my mind is stuck on me and stuck on not being who i once was and the was the free thinking person that i was. i een forget what it feels like to be upset, excited, and all regualr emotions because everything feels shut down and dont know how to get out of it, it just feels like everyday the feeling of being in my mind is constant and dont even get a break from my mind because i am soo focused on whether i am thinking ro not and i cant seem to get out of my mind, how do u begin to just BE????

  106. Fiona Says:

    Mac your getting your self in a vicious cycle. Your thinking about being in your mind and that is keeping you focused on this. Thinking is a natural process. We all think all day everyday. Its how you are obsessing about thinking that is causing your problem. You need to learn to allow your thoughts to flow in a peaceful way and slowly they will calm. You need to stop thinking about thinking to allow it to become natural again and help you focus outwards. Hope this helps. Its hard to describe how to do this.

  107. Fiona Says:

    Claire r when did you start with anxiety?

  108. Claire r Says:

    Hi fiona,

    summer 07, but have had a couple of setbacks, I know what caused it, but just find it hard to accept these thoughts. Have had more good times than bad over the past two years, so I shld not be too negative about it! I knw!

    This just seems such a worse setback, is it because I ve had such a long time feeling good?

  109. Fiona Says:

    when did you start on recovery using help from this website?

  110. claire r Says:

    A lilltle end of september 07, but read the book Xmas 08 properly

  111. Fiona Says:

    Well you know enough to know that it is a setback and you will come out of it. Its not nice, i know that, feeling good can make the setbacks seem worse but i also find that they give me confidence that this anxious state will pass. Here’s a good book to try which really nade a difference for me Stop thinking start living by richard carlson. it will help you with negative though patterns and after all this all stems from our thinking… we feel anxious because we think anxious. Start brushing off those negative thoughts no matter what they are….. they all have the same effect so dont give them attention. But dont be to desparate to get better if that makes sense because that means your focussing all your attention on feeling anxious xxx

  112. claire r Says:

    Fiona..thank u so much.. xx I know i am rushing to get better, that is part of the problem i know for me, u picked it up from my post..Lol. x

    When did u start with anxiety?

  113. Fiona Says:

    January 08, after a very stressful break up with my ex (the a*se) and job stress. Id had a few panic attacks before but nothing major. But as i’m sure you know this is v different. But i have to say i’ve been making pretty good progress lately. Although i’m not out the woods but i’m confident that its only a matter of time. Most progress is difficult to notice i think. Its just when you look back and see how far you have come. Let this set back pass, just keep on with life and take the symptoms with a pinch of salt both mental and physical. You can mostly definately get over this so many people have. To be honest the symptoms are the same for everyone (our worries may vary) so therefore the procces to get better is the same for everyone and it has been done by so many before.

  114. Kate Says:

    Hi everyone

    On Saturday I was a bridesmaid at my sister’s wedding. I have been soooooo nervous about it ever since she asked me, due to my irrational thought that I may wet myself. It had really upset me on the run up as I just wanted to enjoy my sister’s day. I keep thinking ‘they do say people wet themselves when afraid’ and this made me obsess about it as anxiety is a fear!! Anyway, the day arrived and it was FANTASTIC – yes, I was nervous on the morning of the wedding but I suppose most people would be…..I just accepted it and thought how long I had had this thought and nothing had ever happened. The second the wedding cars pulled up my nerves changed to excitement and I floated through the service, loving every second. I have felt quite a bit more confident since the wedding knowing I must face the things I fear…….nothing bad happens, I’m just being bluffed xx

  115. Michelle Says:

    Hi everyone.. I haven’t posted in quite a while, partly because I was feeling better, and partly because I wanted to live life as normally as possible which would mean not reading about anxiety. I’ve had ups and downs.. about equal of both, which is SO much better than I was a year ago. It does get tireing though, doesn’t it? I feel I have accepted it for the most part, but because it’s just dragging on and on there are moments I get just plain TIRED of it, so I sort of let anxiety win again. Anxiety seems to be a bit more persistant than I am sometimes. I try to remember the analogy made that if we broke a bone, we wouldn’t dwell on it. But then I think I know that a broken bone will heal and I’ll feel better soon. With this thing, I have no idea when I’ll ever feel normal again– so it’s hard for me to accept that part. I feel that unless I can truely accept it, I’ll never be better. It’s been 18 months since I started this anxiety nightmare, and although I am better than at the beginning, I’m still so far away from “normal” it seems. I wish I knew HOW to accept. I feel like I have, but if I truely did, it wouldn’t bother me anymore, and it really still does. More like it really annoys me. I still feel quite fragile.. like part of me knows that I’m a ticking time bomb, and that scares me. =(

  116. Mike K Says:

    Is Paul’s book suitable for someone with OCD. I have a friend with OCD, and Paul’s book has been so useful for me I’m wondering if it would be of help to him. After all, it’s all just anxiety right? Just different manifestations of it?

    The reason why I ask is we were just in the pub garden having a pint planning our trip to the races at Goodwood this coming Wednesday. The first thing that struck me was how he wanted to plan our journey there down to the finest detail, whereas I am just happy to know roughly what train I’m going to get in the morning, and worry about the rest when I get there.

    Anyway, he’s been off his meds for a week or so, and been getting bad again (didn’t like to tell him that they are a lot more slow acting than that), and he’d had a really crap day today for various reasons. It was then he said something to me that really struck a chord, as until now I haven’t really been able to understand his OCD. He said “Mike, I’m going to have a really shit night tonight after all this stress today, what can I do to stop me sitting at home stressing about it, ‘cos I know i’m going to sit there with it going over and over and over in my head”. To me this sounds like plain old anxiety, he’s setting himself up to feel like crap, and he probably will because of it.

    I’ve thought about giving him the book in the past, but haven’t because (and this is going to sound really stupid) I didn’t want to give him yet another thing to worry about! When my Doctor told me I had anxiety that was when I fell off the cliff, because until then I hadn’t acknowledged it, I don’t want to do the same thing to him.

    And this is not me stressing about the situation, just concern for a friend, as I don’t want him to react in the same way I did.

    Comments anyone?

    P.S. The good news for me is that a year ago I would have been thinking “Oh, you’re going to Goodwood on Wednesday, but you’re going to feel like crap and have a bad day”, now I’m just looking foward to a pleasant journey down there and hopefully a fun day with friends!

  117. Candie Says:

    Mike K, OCD is a form of anxiety… many people have recovered from it on this site using acceptance and facing there fears so let him take a look at the book… if he knows anything bout his OCD he will be aware that its an anxiety disorder and wont panic thinking he has an extra illness

  118. miranda Says:

    hey everyone hope all is well. havent been on this for a few weeks as ive been keepin myself buisy and making good progress. i wouldnt have said that an hour ago lol.
    for the past few days its like my mind has been racing with thoughts but its weird as my head feels like its going to explode but im havin no emtion over this . befor e i would end up crying etc, i dont no if this is because of my meds(sertraline 200mg and indarel 80mg) but been feeling a bit num but at the same time felt like im going to loose it and that scares me as i have my 2 young boys. also though when this uncomfortable feeling happens its like im going up and down like a my head cant take anymore then i say to my self this is just anxiety and it will past but its draining mentally. a still try not to question it but its hard , wereas before i had my two boys 19 month and 8 weeks when i used to have this anxiety feeling off dread doom, loosing it , it wasnt a problem really in my life as it only lasted a few days then that would be it for months and i would toddle along. a wouldnt wish this on my worst enemy:(. xxxxxxx

  119. miranda Says:

    MIKE. buys pauls book its the best thing i ever done to understand anxiety and dp and even ocd.
    when negative thoughts come into my head its like something automaticaly in my head referes back to pauls book and it sort off rationalises wat im thinkin, dont get me wrong i do have my bad days but they are few and far between. all i can say is i think paul deserve a gold medal:D

  120. Luna Says:

    Hi Paul, Candie et al,

    I suffer from bouts of anxiety with OCD tendencies and have beaten it before by using techniques like mindfulness, acceptance and some CBT. But I have a recurring problem that spikes my anxiety/OCD – the fear that this is not enough and to really get better I’m going to have to so something more.

    What do you really mean when you say ‘face your fears’ – is that do what you want to do and don’t let the anxiety stand in the way? Or are you talking about some of that extreme exposure therapy that some behaviourists advocate? Because I really don’t want to do that when it seems so unnatural and potentially risky (e.g. licking toilet seats!). Surely we should get better by doing normal things that make us anxious, not push ourselves beyond normal limits? Any advice much appreciated as not knowing what’s right feels like the main thing that is really holding me back from getting better :-)

  121. Claire R Says:

    Hi Everyone..

    Re : Candie’s answer, that explains alot of my worries..that OCD is a form of anxiety & you can recover from it, I am not there yet though, as you can tell from my previous posts! Thank you Candie so much for voicing it xxxxxx

    Hi Fiona,

    Am sorry to hear how your anxiety started, I had a massive shock too, then it started, but have always been a worrier & very sensitive to situations etc…I have ordered the book too, yesterday! If you ever wanted to chat not on here, my email is


  122. LORRYT Says:


    thanks, it can be really hard at times, as we all know.but to just be able to com eon here and voice it and get it out can really help. once its out there, it seems i can put more things in perspective, and realise just how silly they are. if i mull it over and get in the cycle of it it becomes out of proportion. am going on holiday soon and am looking forward to getting away from the hustle and bustle for a week , . totally relaxed and possibly totally drunk !!!…… thanks guys xxxxxxxxxx

  123. mac Says:

    hey everyone thank for the info, but how do u stop thinking about thinking without getting upset and looking for a quick result???? ive felt this way for 3 straight years and feel stuck and feel like there is no ending and that im stuck like this. how do u say enough is enough and just LIVE????

  124. James Says:

    Mac, how did this all start for you? You don’t say “enough is enough” and you don’t “get rid of it” you give it the space it wants and allow it to sort itself out. It will stay for as long as you keep winding yourself up and feeding it.

  125. nikki Says:

    Hi all Havent been here for a while hope you are all o.k!

    I had a thought the other day ( no not a dodgy one).I had lived on my nerves for so long it came as second nature ,far too much ,excessive amounts of stress and pressure and responsibility,far too much for one person alone,so eventually (last Jan actually) I had worried so much and not relaxed that my nerves went into over drive.Exactly what has happened to most of us here – but now i dont have that stress anymore i still have the anxiety.Most of us question why- my theory is that our bodies and our minds need to learn how to relax and have a so what! attitude to things -myself personally worry about everything i need to learn to let it go and not worry!So this is it! anxiety is retraining the psyche to take a more relaxed approach to life when you can honestly do this you will not have anxiety.Floating and accepting to me is relaxing and thinking come what may!Hope this helps x x It has helped me!Recovery is a fully retrained brain not a period of time to wait for this to pass.This way of thinking is what keeps me going. I Am Recovery! It is my response and my actions that determine how quickly or how slowly not doing or not doing .

  126. andrew Says:

    hi everyone,

    i am like most everyone here who go through periods of normalcy and then hit bumps along the way. last couple days i haven’t been able to sleep well at all. when i’m laying in bed, my heart feels heavy at times and the anxiety of it makes it difficult for me to fall asleep. normally, i eventually fall asleep after a couple hours, but this time i had to resort to some sleep meds. i hate this feeling. sometimes i wonder if i will ever be free of this once and for all. i don’t know why my anxiety always ties in with how well i sleep. if i don’t sleep well i begin to worry. i know it’s out of habit. sometimes i think my anxiety has a mind of its own and no matter how hard i try not to worry over it, it’s always lingering in the back of my mind.

  127. nikki Says:

    Hi andrew my answer to everything for myself at the moment is no matter what the problem if you can fix it-then fix it if you cant see what happens when it happens.For example i used to get nerveous feelings when i thought about being in the house alone,so now i dont think “oh my god im on my own tomorow what shall i do? i switch off to the worry and wait till tomorrow its a bit like post poning worry.When you go to bed have the attitude if i dont sleep il just lie here awake! so what! Think of that time as another oppurtunity to practise relaxing.If during your day the thought of “what if i dont sleep tonight “comes in and your nerves rise again the attitude it doesnt matter if ireact to this or not will help.This is what i do an it has worked for alot of what iv been through.Hope that helps

  128. andrew Says:

    thanks nikkie. good advice. ive been down this road before. sometimes i feel like i should know better than to let this bother me, and i let myself down. it’s not so much trying not to worry about it, rather most of the time i don’t realize that i am worry.

  129. louise Says:

    TREZ,only noticed your post this morning,hope your feeling better now!Ive defo had similer symptoms like that and your right they are scary,bizarre!!!I believe it to be a form of dp,i used to go around in a bubble of dp,still do at times,when i started having thoughts of “who am i” “why am i here”,i thought for sure i was losing it big time!!Thing is Trez theres NO secret weapon in getting better and ridding yourself of these thoughts/feelings you just have to go with it,accept and LOSE THE FEAR OF THEM,ive lost the fear of all my symptoms and yes they linger but i dont care anymore.Get on with life trez lose yourself in other projects,i do this as best i can,anxiety, over imagination and dp with all its odd thoughts rage away in the background,weve got to get on with living and whats helped me MASSIVLEY is the knowing that anxiety cannot harm me and the strengh to say it will NO LONGER ruin my life……..good luck speak soon

  130. Johnny p Says:

    Hi everyone
    Its been a while. I’m pretty much over most of my symptoms but now seem to be left with shame and anger and feel sad lately. I still have the thought like hurting someone I love or I’m going to go crazy and have some other illness or my thoughts or true. Its scares me sometimes but just let it go and go about my day. Weeks go by and the thought comes back full force. I get into doubting again and that’s when it gets hard..its been a cycle like that. Like am I truly gonna beat this thing . I was on meds for a while but have been off of them for a month. Didn’t notice any difference with them and without them. They only just decreased my sexual drive. I just bored of axiety and being sad. Any advice. Passed the stateboards for nursing so am getting ready to find a job so maybe that hs something to do with it. Just miis my happy self sometimes too. Thank you all so very much

  131. Kevin Says:

    It was only a couple of days ago that I discovered this site and realised it’s me!!!
    I’m struggling with the ‘thoughts’ thing, I’m giving them their space as suggested and I guess this will take time to start having an effect, but am trying not to focus on that, although it’s very hard.
    I seem to be struggling with a constant headache and eye-ache, has anyone else had this? Ii it just a sign of the anxiety coming out?
    I started with health-anxiety in March and then moved onto panic-attacks.
    I’ve not had one of these for about 3 weeks now, but my confidence is in tatters, I’m sure this will come back with time, but it doesn’t help that I’m not the most patient person in the world.
    Has anyone got any thoughts?

  132. trez Says:

    Hi Louise,thanks for replying to my post,its a relif to know that this is all due to anxiety.Its just all so scarey when you get into the habit of believing that due to every symptom and thought that im going to lose it,i dont no if im thinking to much about it all which is making me feel every day is getting harder,im just getting on with things louise as ive got to young children,just wish i could enjoy them a bit more,i know through time i will,i think im trying to hard to rid myself of it all as you said, im also trying to figure out how i had the few good weeks a while back,THANK ALOT LOUISE CHAT SOON.X

  133. victor Says:


    There is no need to feel shame, angry, or sad. I have been having thoughts about my family, specifically my daughter, for some time now. They are finally starting to subside. I used to worry about feeling guilty for having these thoughts, until i realized a few things. The first being that MANY people get these thoughts just like us, we just blow them out of proportion. The second was that I have to accept this party of my life. I had many odd thoughts because of my anxious state of mind, NOT because it is how I really feel. When your mind is racing, it is searching for thoughts and just bringing them to your attention and it lives off the attention. People who do not suffer from anxiety get the same thoughts but do not even realize it, or it just does not bother them! I personally realized I would feel more shame in letting the thoughts to continue to bring me down rather that just accepting the thoughts for what they are.

  134. victor Says:

    Typo in my last post. I meant to say part* not party

  135. Johnny P Says:

    Thanks victor. I did get these thought before my anxiety hit but before never gae them any atention and just was like interestihing thought and let it go. Guess letting go sometimes becomes easy then when it gets hard it seems to jump on me more. I am grateful for your post. its just i get impatient and it seems like sometimes i wont see the wonder of the world. the purity behind all people. The way i use to look at the day and not care if it was bad or good it was just a fun day.

  136. Carol R Says:

    Hi Michelle,

    I too have been suffering for 18 months now and I can assure you you are not a ticking time bomb. that is just a thought created by anxiety. I get all sorts of thoughts from “what are we all here for?, what is the point? to thoughts about hurting others”. I know they all smptoms of anxiety and they do become rather annoying. Sometimes I feel that I will never be normal. The breakthrough for me however came over the last two weeks when I went abroad with my extended family. I dreaded flying(a big fear of mine) and have not been abroad for years and to be honest, was dreading it. I can honestly say that I had the most fantastic time ever in my life. I felt like the old me had returned and even though the thoughts kept popping in on a regular basis, I was so engrossed in having a good time, they lost their impact on me and for once, I was the stronger one. I realise now that by me just letting it be there and not paying it any attention, it lost it’s impact. Now I just need to put that into practice now I am home. It just goes to prove that we are still normal people, just that anxiety has taken a hold. Try just accepting how you are and carry on with your day however hard it is and by accepting how you feel, makes it not so scary. Try and focus your mind on something else. Good luck. Take care. x

  137. nikki Says:

    Hi all.Not feeling to good today.I have been having undiagnosed health problems since last november and i have been to my doctors today and now i am being passed onto yet another consultant.I am stressed as i dont know what is wrong with me,every 6 weeks or so i am ill for two weeks and i am now getting really sick of it.I have lost a job because of it and i am starting nurse training in september and would really like it to be sorted by then even if there is no treatment available i would at least like to know what i have got! Needless to say my anxiety is very high today and i am feeling quite tearfull and fed up.Having this a nd having anxiety they seem to make each other worse.I know i wouldnt be as upset if i didnt have anxiety and my anxiety wouldnt be as bad if i didnt feel so ill.Catch 22.Anyway sorry for moaning but i just needed to get it off my chest x

  138. Nikki Says:

    I have a question for anyone recovered. I have the theory that people with anxiety are just over worriers so we worry about all thoughts (are they appropriate) all feelings (is this normal) all physical symptoms (am i ill) in much the same way as we would worry about everyday problems such as money problems.If we stop, just stop worrying about these things,mentally switch our minds off to worry – and i mean all worries in general – live with how we feel,then nerves settle in time.This then returns us to ‘normal’ but with a more relaxed approach to life.Basically i am asking is the answer just relax and calm down.What will be will be.I hope this makes sense.I have come along way but still feel the need to ask this. x x

  139. Candie Says:

    Sorry not had chance to read all posts as really busy so i apologise if i missed any, Luna.. i saw your post in moderation and thought i would reply.

    Facing your fears is exposure yes… but only ever expose yourself to what is required to live a normal life. You do not have to lick a toilet seat to get over the fear you have, thats silly and going to far! I’m talking about exposing yourself to the anxiety and accepting it, not getting caught up in the content of your thinking and exposing yourself to the content of your fear if it is dangerous like that. Its ok to expose yourself like that if you fear knifes, you could put some in the room with you- like what scarlet talked about previously as its no harm. But licking the toilet seat is discusting and can give u germs! Its not the content of our thoughts we fear, its how we react that scares us.. the anxiety we feel. Now if we accept the anxiety the thoughts do fade away. Thats why people get stuck with traditional therapys as they encourage people to go to far confronting the fear

  140. victor Says:


    I am not fully recovered, but feel pretty damn close. And i think you are definitely correct. My anxiety began because I had been under a lot of stress, and one day my body just had a break down. I am not sure to this day what it was, I think it was a panic attack but not a full blown one. Now I could of just let it go, and ignored it. But instead the constant worrying about it and thinking about it sent me down the road of anxiety. Now 8 months later I am finally getting back to my self again. I am doing great now because I have learned to just let thoughts flow again, not stress these thoughts or feelings. Hope this makes sense.

  141. Nikki Says:

    Hi victor thanks for replying.I had the same loads of stress then one massive panic attack followed by d.p and then lots of worry about whats happening.This happened back in january and since then iv improved loads i even have days /weeks where i have no anxiety but it always comes back.I dont question why it comes back as i know it will but i think if i dont worry about things and analise them,i mean all things not just those associated with anxiety then i will be better for it because i feel like i have rewired my brain to overanalise everything since this started.I think just stop worrying about EVERYTHING deal with what comes when it gets here sort of attitude would help.I am much better than i was and have my sense of self back.I think stop thinking and calm down and chill is the key almost go a bit numb to the worry. Thanks

  142. Michelle Says:

    Thanks for your reply, Carol. I have good days to where I feel mostly normal. In those times it’s easy for me to dismiss my frears of ever being normal again, and I feel like it’s not a big deal to live with the icky feelings and thoughts. But on the bad days I forget all about the good days. I feel like they never happened, and that I will always be this way, and that gets me down. I have a MUCH harder time dismissing my thoughts on a bad day, even though logically I know that’s the key. I know I’m so much better on my worst day then my best day was a year ago, but when you haven’t felt yourself for so long, it’s easy to think you never will “permanently” again. I feel damaged now, and although I know I shouldn’t feel like my life is being ruined by this, I can’t help it. It seems that way because it’s hard to enjoy anything. Even on my best days, the thought of anxiety pops in. The “checking in” on myself continues. I’d love to forget I ever had my breakdown. I think that would make handling the bad days easier… they’d be easier to dismiss. I wouldnt’ have the memory of all that bad time. It still feels like it was a nightmare–I wanted to kill myself I was so miserable. And just thinking that I felt like that upsets me so much. Before my breakdown killing myself was the furthest thing from my life. I used to pray every night that I’d live to be 100. Now sometimes I think my life has already been much too long, and I get exhausted just thinking about I’m not even halfway over with it. Does anyone else ever feel this way?

    I can’t wait til Paul posts the letters of people that have recovered. It’s the hope that I hang onto.. but most people I come across, although they say they’re recovered, still have bouts of it now and then. Or they’re good for a couple of years, then Boom… it comes back. I don’t want to always feel like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.

  143. Victor Says:


    I understand where you are coming from. For the most part I have good days, where I feel totally normal. The reminders and memory is still there, but what you have to remember is that anxiety is a lot of habit. Over time habits will break, with the right attitude you can break these habits and they will not bother you anymore.

    You can never forget, but you live and you learn. Life goes on. Paul suffered for 10 years, he talks about his suffering for a living, and it does not bother him. If it did, he would not be helping people like us.

    You can not compare yourself to other people. If you feel like your waiting for the other shoe to drop, guess probably will! Anxiety is a normal feeling,Almost EVERYBODY in their lifetime will have some kind of anxiety. I am not trying to scare you or anybody else, but it is life. I made this statement in another post, but what seperates us is our ATTITUDE. Do not wait for Paul to post letters, instead work on accepting and maybe you could be writing him his next letter!

  144. Carol R Says:

    Hi Mchelle

    Reading your post is just like reading a post about myself. It seems we started with anxiety at the same time and are probably up to the same stage. I used to fear dying more than anything in the world and now the thought does not bother me anymore. I know it is hard to accept that it takes time to recover and I often think back to the bad days. But I just try to think that the past is the past and there is nothing you can do about it. Also, just because some other peoples anxiety returns , does not mean yours will. I also can manage my thoughts on a good day and when I am suffering I forget the good days. I have started writing down the good days and then I can look back and remember how good I felt. I see a CBT therapist and have done for a year now. He is helping me come of the medication and am nearly there. I too check in on myself, but I know it is a habit, so I just go with the flow and I can honestly say I do have moments were I forget about it. When the thought does pop in I usually try and smile to myself and say”oh, hello, it’s you again is it” and it usually goes. Try not to rush recovery as Paul always tells us, but just think that you are better than you was, so you are on the right track. I can truly realate to how you are feeling, but just accept you are as you are at the moment and do not beat yourself up about it. Victor is right in waht he says, try not to fear it returning or it just well might do. Blog me anytime, we will get through this, I know we will. Take care.

  145. Nikki Says:

    I have a question for Scarlett.I have been feeling quite rubbish lately so instead of reading the blog i have re-read pauls book.I have experienced nearly all of the stages and symptoms he talks about but obviously have come a way since then.The book talks about not avoiding fears feelings or places and living life.I have never avoided places and cant escape my feelings and HAD to live my life due to my circumstances and thankfull of it i am.The thing that is bothering me at the moment is i know EXACTLY what has happened to me i understand my symptoms and i dont have any crutches to make me feel better to grasp hold of .I dont have any place that makes me feel better.Everyday to one degree or another i feel uncomfortable and nervous, on edge like i cant relax it doesnt matter if i am at home or not busy or not going out it doesnt matter what i am doing i feel nervous.Some days are better than others.I still get other symptoms but i dont notice it till iv got it if you know what i mean they dont bother me.I am living normally, i am me again i have all my old personality back i am just me but feeling worried i havent questioned these feelings till today i just accept that they are there but today,although i know i have come along way they are getting to me more than i should let them.I feel that this is my last hurdle when these feeling subside then i will be just about there.Do you have any words of advice or support please x x x

  146. louise Says:

    Hey Trez,ive got 3 kids myself (hard work) my oldest is 9,youngest 2,and to be honest its only very recently ive started enjoying my kids,in the past i spent most of my days/nights daydreaming,thinking about my problems,i was dead angry and really short tempered with my kids,i was convinced i was a horrible mum but i know now thats was never the case,i love my kids and want the best for them,i just couldnt drag myself away from myself.I read pauls book,claire weekes book and got some cbt therapy and most importantly decided NEVER to try fight this thing again.I had fought for 10 yrs and got nowere.Like you where saying,i had weeks of feeling good and then WHAM right back to square one,i felt like giving up,i still have setbacks but 6 months into recovery i can brush them off so much quicker i know that if i read into things too much or question my symptoms ill give anxiety the space and fear it needs to grow.I love life,i love my children,theres so much i want to do,im sure your the same and when i look at my kids the strengh within me grows and the desire to get better and beat this thing once and for all overides the thoughts of doom and gloom and anxiety……speak soon,keep your head up and get to the park with your kids(take anxiety with you)!!!!LOL

  147. trez Says:

    Hi Louise,we sound so,i to have been suffering on and off with anxiety for 10 years,i never knew that you could get so caught up with your own thoughts and feeling because of anxiety,this is a tricky one for me as i believe every thought,i keep believing that im going to lose it because of the way im feeling and thinking,did you ever feel like this louise?It seems no matter what im doing or no matter were i am im still constantly caught in thoughts and feeling,as you say im giving them all my attention,i think its now due to habit,sorry for sounding so negative at the moment,i hope i dont scare you off,hopefully i will have a better day tomorrow organizing my daughters 7th soon louise.(taking anxiety with me to the party)x!!!!

  148. Maggie Says:

    Hi Michelle and Carol R,

    I am joining your club girls. Same here, afraid of dying and tired of the way I feel from this anxiety to the point willing to die. What a contradiction?
    I too go to see a therapist and I was on medication for 2 months and decided to stop it because I didn’t feel any difference. Everything is in our mind and we need to accept if we want to go back to “normal”.
    Me too Michelle, I have moments when I question everything around me and that makes me feel terrible, and I have moments when I am back to normal.
    One thing for sure is that ANXIETY robbed us from confidence that’s why we feel this way. Tired nerves, exhausted bodies, stressful life and on top of this we have anxiety. I think we should thank God that we got to the point where we are able to make difference between good and bad days because believe me girls when I had my breakdown I was more than convinced that I will be unable to live a normal life again even typing this words was beyond my dreams. It has been exactly ONE year since my nightmare with racing and irrational thoughts started.
    Hang in there girls and keep in touch.

  149. mac Says:

    hey everyone how do you stop the constant headaches and pressure in your head from constantly looking at yourself without paying attention to it???? its tough because i am soo aware of it and its an annoying feeling but i try to focus my attention and i can’t. how do u let it be?

  150. teresa Says:

    Just to say to Louise – I was really heartened to read your blog. I too feel very much like you. I’m getting there – I’ve stopped being so hard on myself and expecting perfect. I let anxiety ruin my life for 10 years or more – and like you I may always be anxious/sensitive – but i am learning to be more easy with it all. Almost like slackenig the reigns – and it really does help. Yeh some days are better than others but I am learning to not react so strongly to the ‘not so good ones’ – everyone has not so good days – even non anxious people. I’m learning not to label everything as anxiety – the biggest thing has to be realising that we don’t need to strife to not feel anything – and that what ever the moment holds , it moves on. Hope that makes sense. Thanks .

  151. lisa Says:

    mac, before you had anxiety would you worry about headache? if you cut your finger and you put a plaster on it, would you keep taking the plaster off to see if the cut had healed??? im gonna say NO you wouldnt, you would go to work, wash your car, cook a meal, do the gardening, focusing on your day while your finger healed and your headache passed. anxiety is exactly the same. only your worrying about it, thats why your focused on it. letting the anxiety be means ok your here but im off to work, pub, gardening, shopping, letting it be there but getting on with your everyday things. if the anxiety is there its ok, but focus on what your doing and not worrying about the anxiety thats how you recover.hope that makes sense and helps :-)

  152. Kashawn Says:


    So nicely written and the truth to full recovery. Work and keeping busy is the best medicine for Anxiety and does result in full Recovery.

    All the best to everyone


  153. Victor Says:

    I just had a question for scarlet or who ever has overcome odd thoughts about their children. Its been about 4-5 months since I started having the thoughts. I would say sometime last month, the penny dropped and I finally started to accept the thoughts. The past few weeks I have been getting the thoughts MUCH less and handeling them much better. My question is did you feel there was a “Recovery” time after the thoughts. What I mean by that I feel like if the thoughts were a hurricane, I have passed the eye of the storm (when the thoughts were constant and I was dreading them). I currently feel like I am dealing with the after math. The getting over the fact that I had these thoughts, and getting over the reminders and habits that used to bother me so much. The thoughts about my daugher has consumed most of my battle with anxiety, as I have only been suffering for about 8-9 months. I am very much reading to get on with my life and I feel this obstacle has been my biggest challenge and I feel like I am almost there, but im not quit sure.

  154. Victor Says:

    Sorry I just caught a error in my last post, I meant to say I am very much ready to get on with my life.

    And I also want to make it known I have been doing great lately. Have been for about a month or so, had one bad day last week and got right back on track. But I just feel annoyed by the reminders and habits I developed over the past few months, and wonder if they will stop. For example, I can be doing great, now thinking about anxiety, and then I think about my daughter and I will not get any odd thoughts, but it will remind me about my anxiety. Anybody ever overcome this kind of habit?

  155. lisa Says:

    victor, your ready to get on with your life so go n do it :-) thank you kashawn hope your well .

  156. mac Says:

    that is phenominal, i like what you said lisa, thank you very much

  157. Michelle Says:

    Victor.. I have that as well. Sometimes I’ll look at my kids, and for some reason they remind me of my terrible ordeal of anxiety. Or sometimes I’ll look at someone out in public and think they’re lucky because they are living “normal,” and that always gives me a rush of anxiety. I know it’s irrational because I have no idea of what people are actually going through by looking at them.. they might look at me and think I’m perfectly normal. lol But on my good days I don’t do that as much, so I am thinking that as we recover, these reminding thoughts will come less and less to the point we just don’t think about them anymore.

    Thank you all so much for your encouragement and support. It helps immensely just knowing someone else is going through the same and I’m not alone. I pray for each of you that recovery is close and complete.

  158. Johnny p Says:

    hey victor that how i ben for a while. i get a reminder of how the thoughts where and the habits they created in my mind. I have this repeating thought of am i hearing this or that because i was scared i had someother mental illness. I also as of late feel down.

    Maggie i have that too where im scared to die and sometimes i think i rather be dead. But i miss being the loving person that i know is inside of me. I don’t want to hurt others and scared that I will. I have these repeating thoughts that I will hurt my niece or my wife or I will just lose it and not be able to control myself.

    Kashawn i think i remember from before that you said you were a nursing student and i recently graduated and passed my state boards due you think that all the stuff we studied impacted us because when i had my first panic attack i made myself believe I had a stoke and i was drinking caffiene all day long in everything i drank with espressos after espresso and large coffees and I was fine when i got there and they said I was fine up until the dr said i had symptoms of ms and then my mind wandered and started thinking i was mentally ill.

  159. Nikki Says:

    Its very good to hear lots of people here are starting to come through the other side of their anxiety.I have myself had a few good weeks but recently seem to have taken a bit of a u turn.Lisa your post made so much sense and simply put the message is just get on with things.I also find kashawn that your posts are very uplifting and positive thanks.I am hoping that the bumpy time im having at the moment soon passes as you all know it can get quite tiring being constantly on edge,although im not complaining,its nothing more than a feeling now, one of extreme nervousness.There is no longer any fear, that has passed and now i do as you all do get on with life knowing at some point these feelings will fade.Its not recovery i am hoping for that will take care of itself, just to feel a bit better.Take care all x x

  160. Maggie Says:


    You and me are having the same symptoms. OMG!!! I wen to the zoo few weeks ago and it was my idea going with my family there since with this anxiety I prefer to be in open spaces. Guess what Michelle? Instead of enjoying the day I was looking at each person and thinking about how they feel? If they are happy? if they are not tired from this routine? if some are happy in their marriages? if they don’t think to hurt themselves?….? the list is long.
    I kept thinking that way until my horizon became narrow and I felt like I am going to make foul of myself or soemthing is going to happen to me and I hated being there and started to become impatiente with my husband and my son.
    As days go it changed but I still get some weird questions and feelings.
    I hope this helped.

  161. louise Says:

    TREZ,hope the party went well!!I think we sound alike too…Being caught up with yourself is pretty damn awful,my anxiety is at its worse in social situations,i become very paranoid and on edge,but almost as soon as the percieved danger is over i calm down,these feelings totally ruined 10 long years of my life,almost destroyed my relationship,i still suffer social anxiety but nowere near the same level,whats changed??Well my attitude has changed.I know ive got anxiety and i accept for a while to come i will feel this way,i dont care so much about what others think of me and i reckon if the worse anyone can say of you is that your “anxious”well thats not so bad!!Your not losing it Trez youve got anxiety and anxiety is a bugger,i thought for ages i had schizophrenia,thought i had a personality disorder,sociopath-you name it-i had them all!!Accept yourself for the time being,let time pass and concentrate on enjoying your family,and more than anything LOSE THE FEAR !!Try to stop questioning all your symptoms,this will take time,but trust me when i stopped all the questions,and i mean ALL of them,i saw changes,i was finally TOTALLY accepting Talk soon xx

  162. Tracey Says:

    I can totally relate to what you’re saying. I would say I’m at that level too where you have accepted but still have reminders because of habit. I think it’s the same as the anxiety/odd thoughts, you have to accept the reminders and not react and also not let them drag you back into analyzing.

  163. Claire R Says:

    Hi Johnny…
    Hope you are doing ok today? I have had precisely the the same symptons as you quite will see my posts from July on here..please dnt worry, its so hard I knw…without sounding selfish I am glad I have found someone on here with similar symtons, hope it helps you too about me?

    Did you say you are a nurse, that must be a stressful job?

    Hopefully chat soon

  164. Scarlet Says:

    Nikki, Viktor, anyone else that has asked me something, I’ll be back in a week, I’ve got relatives here and can’t get onto the computer for more than 5 mins, FIL sleeps in the bedroom where the computer is, and he’s sick, sleeps all day. Remind me again if I forget to answer. xxxxxx

  165. trez Says:

    Hi Louise,birthday party went great,kids had a great day and so did I,had a few floating thoughts but was to busy to think about and annoy myself with them,they just passed.i cant believe that i wasnt analizing myself so much.Louise as you were saying you thought you had every disorder,thats the way ive been thinking!its hard to believe how anxiety leaves us,i know its an up and down battle but we will get there in the end,you are such a positive person Louise,it gives me great help to know that you also have been through so much and came through it ,i had a bit of a bad day yesterday but just got on with things,bit more positive to day so getting kids sorted now to go shopping so chat soon.xx

  166. Johnny P Says:

    Hey Claire R,
    I just wanted you to know what happened to me. I was studying for the last nursing pych test last year in the summer of 08.. I drank redbuls monster drinks, starbucks lagre cups of cofee with 2 shot of expresso in it 3 of them and a 20 oz coke. i was so hyped up on coffee that i later got home and had a weird headache. it induced a panic attack so i rushed into the hospital. I was fine and there was even a pt next to me that the nurse said you ok but you need to go to a pysch doctor and gave him xanax. I felt sorry for him. Later on a dr who didnt even check me out said with my symptoms I might have MS….the tingling in my arms and needed a neuro check. Thats when the anxiety stuck. Then everyone started to try and comfort me and said maybe its a slipped disk. My psych teacher then diagnosed me with an anxiety disorder even though she had no right to. At that time all I wanted to know I was healthy so I went to a pysch dr and he said I was fine and it just a thought and if you think that you will be fine. He said your good to go and then later saw an easy money and diagnosed me with gad to treat me. I freaked out and looked up everything about it and guess what my symptoms got like that because i saw it and said hey thats me and thats me and It really wasnt. Anxiety is not a disorder its a state of mind. Everyone has anxiety 100 percent of people do for a day a year a month a split second. i saw people who were in the hospital and they have it because they really are sick and dying. its a natural thing. It just seen in our culture as being weak. he strongest people throughout history our people who experienced in and gone through the other side. You cant be strong unless you see how people suffer and be able to bring this strength to them.

    I had many irrational thought before this and always laughed at them and never thought about them to much. But since my anxiety took hold they stuck. My dr came me xanax later on and i read the side effects and saw hallucination and that when the what if came…if i hallucinated how would i know when it went away. Would I be schiz or something. and thats how it started. The thing I didnt remember is that you cant make yourself mentally ill. No matter how much you think you are you cant become bipolar by just thinking about it but you read about the symptoms and then you might have something similar. I must repeat all these symptoms of mentally ill are extreme behaviors of normal behavior. We have all the tendancies to hear things or or mind makes up a picture to understand whats in front of us. Our flight or fight response has to anticipate quicly if an objesct is dangerous or not and where to go and what to do in a milli second. Adrenaline maxes all of our senses out. i studied this in great detail.TOO Much detail.
    Were love people so much and we love our selves so much we scared we gonna lose that love to both give and to receive. my whole life and person is based on love and caring for others and receiving love and to be liked. I have had periods where I dont think of anything of any illness at all. People with these illnesses dont and cant do that. I see there pain and just be happy for you that you are not.

    I don’t know what religion you are but every religion has the same thing take it in nothing is good or bad but part of life. We make it seen as bad. Life is all good. You have the choice to make it good. let go and be who you are. I lost myself and maybe not completely found myself but im not gonna wait another second to figure it out. all I know is i love everything about life and that’s all I need to know so love life and just show your love to others who need it. Fear is a thing man made up to stop us from loving each other truly and to confine us. Imagine if all of us shared our food our wealth with others and talked to each other and comforted each other when we needed it. Looka t the great deprresion, You had people with open doors and could walk in and say your problems to each other with out being judge and they came out fine–no pills no pysch drs no special type of therapy. Out theraoy was each other and thats what we are doing here now. hope this helped.

    Im doing ok by the way. Sleep whenever. eat whatever drink whatever, dont take any meds, they didnt do anything at all just stressed me out because i was taking them. Just let go and you will be fine. I say i close to recovery but one step forward two steps back right now, lol. its ok some days are reverse i just do what i got to do and thats it.

  167. Nikki Says:

    Hi all can anybody relate? I have had a few good almost normal weeks and i have been able to see the anxiety for what it is thoughts an all.So now i know it is possible for it to just go away, i remember how it feels to be normal and have all the weirdness taken away.I am not scared anymore the dodgy thoughts almost gone because i dont care anymore i have no fear of my symptoms.The only thing i have is a constant and i mean constant feeling of extreme nerves it makes my head feel a bit spacey and im a bit sleepy.I am getting on with things but i am aware of how i feel all day.its only these nerves that are left, there isnt any thing that makes my fear rise (like going over a bridge) anymore because i took no notice of it.I know on the days when i have no nerves life is normal.Actually im not bothered by this feeling,because i know like all the other symptoms it will fade i just wondered if anyone else has it?

  168. Natalie Says:

    Hi everyone,

    I haven’t posted for a few weeks, must be a good sign!
    i’m just enquiring as to whether there are any eczema suffers on this blog? If so perhaps you could shed some light on my situation. Or anyone else who knows about this.

    I suffer from eczema, only in one specific place but it’s very painful and it brings me down. I have had it for about 4 years. (i’ve suffered from anxiety for about 2-3 years)
    Anyway, lately i have found a significant link between flair ups of my eczema and periods of bad anxiety. So, this taken into consideration, i have been thinking that reduced stress over a period of time may banish my eczema.
    About a month ago i went to glastonbury festival. By the last day, i was very relaxed and not anxious in the slightest. In fact i’d say i was peaceful (no i wasn’t smoking any herbs!!) I wasn’t worrying about aspects of my life, i was simply absorbed in the festival and relaxed, having a good time with my friends.
    I got home and to my complete suprise my eczema had practically gone!

    This makes me believe that anxiety and my eczema are highly linked!

    The problem is, i want to get rid of my eczema, but the more i worry about it, the worse it gets (a bit like anxiety!) and it brings on setbacks of anxiety.

    I have been anxious all day worrying about it, trying to make it go away. I need to find a way of managing this so that i can begin to make some progress.

    Thanks all!!


  169. Nikki Says:

    Hi natalie, Idont have eczema but my uncle suffers very badly and his is not at all related to anxiety or stress.It just gets better when it gets better usually if he has been out in the sunshine quite a bit.I would say that worrying about your eczema is bringing on your anxiety and if your eczema is IS linked to anxiey then the worrying is making it worse and your caught in a cycle.It sounds easy to say i know but if you were to stop stressing about your eczema then you wouldnt have the extra anxiety and then not trigger off the eczema.From what i have learned from this site anxiety has a mind of its own and comes regardless and goes regardless of what we do.I also think the same will apply to your eczema although my uncle has always been advised to get plenty of sun and when he is abroad it does clear up.It may be if you have been outside alot at the festival it is the sunshine that helped and not actually linked to your mood?
    Just a thought .Hope that helps x

  170. Nikki Says:

    I v come to the conclusion over recent weeks that i come to this web for reassurance, that there are other people going through the same thing.I have done all the analising and got no where so i dont do that now.Iv tried checking symptoms on health web sites and found myself back here.I have got frustrated thinking why me? why wont it just go away?When will it go away?Am i doing things right? and then coming back here to check it out.The realisation that i have had is that im just stuck with this till it goes.Simple as!As i said before there is no fear there is no more questioning i still wake up and if its here think great you again today! But instead of feeling despair its more like babysitting a very annoying child that demands attention.It doesnt matter what i do i cannot do anything about it, so now i sort of try to relax into it if i feel a bit spacey like when your drunk i just enjoy the feeling.The nerves that annoy me i push them when they try to make me feel like i dont want to do anything i go against them.Everytime i do this its one step forward.I just feel as if im about to take my driving test for the first time every minute of the day!I also know i can keep dropping in here for support and some empathy but basically its my body that needs to relearn ,this site has given me the tools to cope.Thankyou x

  171. Kashawn Says:


    I understand how you feel and have been through everything you said in your last post. I am near full recovery and sometimes need reassurance myself. There is nothing wrong with checking up on the blog once in a while for support, its actually very productive as long as you keep your faith in what you are doing and keep on living on with Anxiety rather against it.

    And I really liked your anology of babysitting-it is so true, Anxiety loves attention (fear) and avoidance and we get caught up in the habit of thinking about it and trying to rid ourselves of it.

    Whenever Anxiety would put on its show (all the emotional and physical symptoms), I simply ignore it and continue to focus on my tasks, I have grown to disregard the symptoms as something totally normal for what I have been through. This has resulted in many many normal days, I would say im 90% recovered.

    -Keep the faith, you are all becoming stronger people through this Anxiety experience

    And once again, hats down to Paul and his phenominal work

    Much Love

  172. James Says:

    Hey Nikki, I’m not sure how much help this would be but I’m quite similar. It seems like you used to be too focused on recovering and becoming your old self again – but you see that now and it’s improving.

    I’ve come to the realisation that in the grand scheme of things, anxiety is nothing for most of us (physical and emotional symptoms.. pff) I look at it like this – if I felt these symptoms before I had anxiety, in a normal state I would have noticed them but then just carry on with the day..

    I use Paul’s idea of living alongside it, a couple of weeks ago I’d be hoping that this would all be finished by the end of the summer holidays so I can enjoy the new college year with a clear mind. I’ve realised that’s not what your supposed to do.. So I’ve adopted that new idea and to be honest I’m becoming a bit bored of anxiety, so if it’s here next year then so what? It’s not THAT dreadful for me, so I’m not too fussed about it.

    You can start to feel the difference if you apply it right. I use to try and get through the day being tied down by anxiety, but now I’m getting on with the day and doing stuff with anxiety just sitting in the background.

    I’m not sure how much help this has been for you, but looking for reassurance is fine =) you’ve got nothing to lose from being here.

  173. louise Says:

    Hey Trez,so glad the party went well,lastyear at my daughters 1st birthday i had some family over and god i was a bag of nerves,could barely string a sentence together!!It was her 2nd birthday couple months back,had family over again and what a difference a year has made!!Still felt dead anxious but just got on with things,i didnt become “anxious”about being “anxious”,u know what i mean!!Can totally relate to the floating thoughts,i still get them,always at the most inconvenient of times!!(when my inlaws r round is one of the worse)LOL!!Irrational thoughts dont scare me anymore,i dont pay them much attention,let them come,dont read into them and if you can laugh them off-it works for me,thoughts are NOT reality and they can do you NO harm,but show them fear and theyll linger and stick.Thanx for saying i was positive-this time lastyear noone could have described like that.Im happy now Trez,that feels good,especially because ive still got anxiety,if i can be happy and positive with anxiety then its not the big monster anymore,i love the saying “fear knocked at the door,faith answered it,there was noone there” so true-keep the faith,talk soon,x

  174. Nicole Says:

    It’s been a rough month full of changes that are mostly positive but it has taken its toll and I have had lots of “opportunities” to put into practice what I have learned about this condition over the past several years. The recovery principles are simple but not easy and I have to be honest here – I have caught myself doubting how far I had actually come in the past year and reading and re-reading all of my texts on the subject trying to convince myself that I can do this. Perhaps this is one of my last hurdles, but it does get exhausting and I so want to be rid of this, to look back on it then move forward. I guess that is the crux of my problem – wanting out of the cycle so badly.
    It comes down to Faith and a positive attitude and despite very little sleep; I am feeling calmer inside today. On I go, thanks for the chance to get this out. Sorry for being a downer!

  175. teresa Says:

    Hi All
    Seems a lot of us in the same stage – I’ve been accepting and finding things so much easier, which only goes to show it’s the attitude towards the symptoms and not the symptoms themselves! I’ve lost my ‘right attitude’ at the moment and some syptoms creating more angst than previous – starting to ananlyse a bit, not overly but don’t seem to have the same – I don’t give a damn attitude. I know I will find it again, and not by looking – trouble is I realise the instinct/habit is trying to will away the feelings (aches and pains).
    Loved the ‘Fear knocked at the door…..’
    We’re getting there, stumbling sometimes but keeping the faith’
    Like Kashwan and Nikki I feel I come back here for reassurance – I am living life, getting on and improving it really helps to here of others doing the same. Thanks all.
    Candie – Hope Jayden doing well, my daughter’s 6 months now! Bet he keeps you busy – how’s the new home going?

  176. Patrick Says:

    Seems like a familiar theme but I too have been having a challenging time recently! I know the road to recovery is rough, but it seems at the moment I have gone backwards. To be honest I learned to cope with the physical symptoms ages ago and they don’t bother me (i’ve had anxiety episodes for 30 years ! Almost my entire life since I was 6 or 7 and had undiagnosed anxiety at school so I’m no stranger, but it hasn’t been a problem until this bout when I made the mistake of looking for a solution and unfortunately got hoodwinked into signing up to a “quick fix” programme which made me much much worse), but the mental side of things – lack of concentration / constant attention on me are not so easy to dismiss. I stopped thinking about being recovered months ago, and just got on with things and I found my enthusiasm for things came back when I had none at the beginning of this year. Seems to have gone again though in the past week and some sort of depression seems to have crept in and yes, finding it very difficult to focus on anything else other than how low I feel, and generally being very negative. I know the way to get through this, but then again, I know in principle how to climb mount everest!! I’m sure this will pass . . . .

  177. Nikki Says:

    Hi all.It really does seem we are all doing the same thing at the moment.Thanks for replying Kashawn, one of the things that helps keep me going is the unfaltering belief that this will go and one day i will feel so proud that i was able to get over this.I am about to start nurse training in september which is something i know you are doing also.I think this is going to be a great focus of attention for me because for most of this year i have been at home with not much to do.I have gone from working full time to nothing so it has been tricky trying to find things to kep me busy.James you are quite right i was way to focused on getting rid and recovery i would try to measure time and monitor progress.I dont do that now because the fear is gone i simply dont care what thoughts i have i dont care if i feel rubbish tomorow.I know the things that could make me feel worse and i do it anyway i honestly am so bored with it and past careing .It feels so lovely to be free of it, i believe everything paul and the others say.I know i am the same person as before, whatever thoughts i get i let them be if ,i am too focused on my nerves or any other symptom for a day or so i dont worry that im doing that anymore because i will stop at some point.Basically i just dont worry about it anymore,the worry feeling or nerves or whatever you want to call it is still there,the weird way of thinking and thoughts is still there some days worse than others.I wont pretend i dont want it all go to away but i have accepted there is nothing i can do, I have accepted that this will take time ,it might be months or years but i accept i cant make it come any quicker.I please myself now what i do i used to feel like i had to be busy all the time in order that it would help my nerves settle quicker but that again was ‘doing’ something to get better.I have stopped trying to get better i dont know when it happened but it has and what will be will be.I was trying to get the old me back so i could focus clearer enjoy things more and get on but now i just do what i do if you know what i mean i used to get stressed because evry morning i would wake up and think about anxiety is it here? and the very action of doing that made me upset as if i couldnt stop thinking about it now i know im going to wake up thinking about it and my attitude is so what think about it then what harm does it do? it doesnt matter anymore.I also know if i had come to this realisation earlier it would have helped but the nature of anxiety is to worry and you need 100% confidence in yourself that this is the right way now i know it is all i need now is time.Thank you all for helping me get here x

  178. Lotty Says:

    Hi All,
    I know what you mean Nikki, when you say: “I also know if i had come to this realisation earlier it would have helped but the nature of anxiety is to worry and you need 100% confidence in yourself that this is the right way”. The penny seems to take so long to drop!!! It’s almost as if you have to get to know the anxiety so well, almost like a person that you need to get familiar with – to get to know and feel so comfortable with that you hardly notice when he’s lurking around! I was doing so well and then I went on holiday and was feeling out of my comfort zone, which threw me off balance. And then coming back home needs readjusting to as well!! Well I guess it didn’t completely throw me off, just tipped me a little. Back to feeling completely off in the mornings, and constant thinking about me. It reminded me that I still have a way to go. Does anyone else find that a complete change in environment (like a holiday) throws you quite a bit? xxxx

  179. teresa Says:

    Thanks Nikki, I agree – it takes a long time for the penny to drop, it is the very fact we worry that is the problem, the 100% confidence is what takes it away – trouble is confidence is learned from doing, and when anxiety is so busy doing it’s worst and frightening you – takes time to bulid that confidence. Thankfully we are all giving each other the confidence we need to try – and when we’ve tried we’ve earned the confidence. I’m having a blip in y confidence at the moment, but reading your positive statement makes me realise – YES we’re all improving tremendously, I remeber searching for how to accept, I no longer do, I know it’s not something you can find – you just have to leave it be, it will come to you. We do need reassurance when we’re down and that’s why it’s so important to share the good times as well as the bad. I’m sure your nursing course will be great, you maybe apprehensive and that is normal for anyone, but once you get engaged in the doing of it you’ll be even better. Good luck for September, and I am sure you will make a great nurse because you’ll care.
    Lotty, holidays I’ve been on quite a few since I had this, some better than others. I don’t really think it’s a matter of the holiday doing anything to you it’s probably the importance you put in to it. Waiting for a holiday is normally a dodgy time for me – great travelling but holiday itself depends on how distracted I am. I think it’s just a matter of going, doing, accepting over and over – getting used to it all as with most things. Hope you pick up soon.

  180. Leslie Says:

    Hi everyone! I haven’t posted for a quite a while because I realized I just need to get on with things…..not that that’s been easy at times! A lot of things have really calmed down for me (or at least I’m dealing with them better and they’re not bothering me so much……I’m not quite sure which it is). I’ve been doing my best to just take one day at a time and not try to qualify whether it’s been a good day or a bay day. In the past, my anxious mind would get caught up in questions such as how do you know if you’re having a good day or a bad day and all sorts of other nonsense. I now know not to go down that road! A couple of questions….in the past when I was at my worst (back in April), I could not watch TV whatsoever or concentrate on anything for that matter. Really had a hard time having a conversation that wasn’t related to anxiety. I was just completlely stuck in my head worrying CONSTANTLY! That has definitely changed. However, pretty much before I go to do anything…..whether it’s cooking dinner, taking a shower, watching TV…..I get a weird thought/feeling that I can’t do these things…’s like “no you have anxiety and you’re not supposed to resume normal living!”. Just wondering if anyone else has experienced this. I”ll have the dread thoughts before I do all these things and think I won’t be able to do them, but for the most part I do them just fine and usually end up enjoying them. I just have a hard time understanding why my mind doesn’t get them I’m able to do these things now. Are these just thoughts that I need to let go??? Also, things like reading…..if I think about reading a book…..I immediately get the thought….nope, can’t do that!…….it’s at the point now where it’s just incredibly annoying. Or if I’m having fun and really enjoying and concentrating on something….the thought comes in….you’re not supposed to be enjoying this! It’s almost comical at this point…..I know it’s all nonsense, but it just really gets me sometimes and I get really frustrated and caught up in it. Any advice would be great!

  181. Lotty Says:

    Hi Leslie, YES, YES YES!! I could have written those words myself! I have those exact thoughts, before a shower, before cooking a meal, etc, etc. That I can’t do it for some reason, and of course that’s rubbish because I’ve done them over and over even at my worst. For me, it’s not exactly that I feel as you say “no you have anxiety and you’re not supposed to resume normal living!”, but it’s a mental barrier of some sort that I need to push through. And as you say, when I actually do the activity, whatever it is, I usually get caught up in it and end up enjoying it or whatever. Leslie, I’m so glad you’ve expressed this but it’s exactly what I’m going through at the moment and have been for a while. I think it’s just something we have to stick under the anxiety umbrella and realise as just a phase? xxx

  182. Nikki Says:

    Lotty i understand totally what ou mean about anxiety being another person you need to get to know that is exactly right.Its almost like you need to explore every depth of it and do the questioning to get to know ‘it’.Once you have done all that and know what your own anxiety makes you feel and you have let it in it is only then that the fear subsides and you can start to recover.Thats where i am with my anxiety now i know what odd thoughts it makes me think and i know exactly where they come from they dont scare me,they dont bother me.Like you have your thoughts the same as leslie about not being able to do something my anxiety makes me have this feeling that my anxiety is like an illness such as a chest infection or something so i need to rest and take it easy so i shouldnt be doing too much.Weird!I also sometimes if im laughing or havin a good time have the thought ‘but are you really enjoying yourself because you know anxiety can bring you down’ ????The other thought/feeling i get stems from early on when i took a bit of advice too literaly,paul had said keep yourself busy do normal things introduce more activities into your day.At the time as i am now i wasnt working and was finding that quite hard not being as busy but then i read this peice of advice and began going out swimming and other stuff and totally focused on always having something to do.Now i feel guilty if im not doing anything i seem to plan things ahead anyway I now understand what was meant by that advice and take it all with a pinch of salt.Although i still feel bad,I am so pleased that the penny has dropped its such a relief i could have the worse day ever today but it wouldnt matter now because i know %100 believe this will go so it doesnt matter anymore.Paul was so right when he said in the book you could say i recovered the day i knew i didnt have to fight this thing anymore.It is true it is reaching this point that turns the corner .

  183. stephen Says:

    Hi everyone, i suppose im just here looking for the self assurance to begin me on my journey. I’ve had depersonalisation for around four years now, got really bad with the death of my grandmother around that time. I had been a heavy drug user during college (so stupid!), and this is worrying the life out of me. I’m 28 now and havent used any drugs in a few years (or never will again), but i keep reading articles that extasy brings on DP and this form of DP may be harder/impossible to remove from people. Is this right, or am i just looking for things to worry about. I read pauls book and was beginning to worry less and accept the feelings that it was my mind which was tired, but now im convinced that this dp WILL BE PERMANENT! Is this just my brain trying to play tricks on me again and the anxiety returning to torture me, any comments one way or the other would be of great assistance. Many thanks, Stephen

  184. Lotty Says:

    Hi Nikki,
    Bless you, thanks for your words of support. I know that feeling when you are just living and not thinking about how you’re feeling and then suddenly you stop and think, as you say, “but are you really enjoying yourself because you know anxiety can bring you down’ ????” – I have that many times a day. But it helps to know that I’m not alone and in some way we are all in this together, helping each other muddle our way through!! xxx

  185. Leslie Says:

    Wow! It’s soooooo incredibly comforting to see that other people are having the same thoughts/feelings! Lotty and Nikki, I totally can relate to the thought about “are you really enjoying yourself”…..happens quite often! Incredibly annoying! I agree Lotty, it’s definitely some sort of mental barrier that we need to push through….but its just kind of difficult at times because I just get caught up thinking that I can’t actually do these things! So stupid! I just have a hard time understanding why I still have this thought/feeling that I can’t do these things or that I’m afraid when I do them all the time…..guess thats the problem….I’m trying to understand why! LOL It’s like the dread or the fear or whatever before I actually do something is 100 times worse than the actual task itself. For instance, I’ll think about exercising, but then my mind thinks I can’t do…..and in the past……I didn’t do it because I really thought I couldn’t…..but now I just try my best and do it anyway and usually get caught up in it. Just wondering if anyone who has recovered has felt these feelings/had these thoughts too???

  186. Nikki Says:

    HI leslie, iv learned its best not to get to caught up in the thoughts and questioning i did it loads and it never got me anywhere.I just have the thoughts now and i dont think anything of them except they are part of anxiety and they will go on their own when you are not bothered by them,i have learned that to question and analize and do all that is part of the process so dont worry about it if you analzie too much dont let it worry you just see it as another symptom of anxiety and it will fade and you will stop doing it .Hope this helps x

  187. Lotty Says:

    Leslie, I agree with Nikki. Many people who have recovered have said it too, that trying too hard to understand why will not get you anywhere. I try to accept that it’s just what anxiety does and leave it at that. I was exactly the same as you in that in the early days I was absolutely convinced I actually couldn’t do things and I had to force myself to do them – it was such an incredible effort. Now I do things anyway even though I still have that lingering feeling. Leslie, it will go I’m sure. It’s already faded so much in strength from the early days that it makes sense that it will, right? It must be just a symptom that is particularly persistent for us. Much love to you both, Leslie and Nikki. xxx

  188. Johnny P Says:

    Hi all,

    I been trying to let go as of late but noticed different symptoms and thn i ever had before like being sad and ashamed for things i thought or did. Its also seems like the thought I have like hurting loved ones or myself why would i be like this i love everyone and it just makes me cry. Im crying rignt now as I type. I thought I was strong again but it seems like Im not. The thought come rushing in and it seems like an assault. My mind keeps refering to maybe its this illness or maybe it that. I just seemed how to let go. Its almost like my mind doesnt want to let it go for some reason. Im scared im gonna mess up or doing something crazy when I start work as a nurse. Im just so tired of thinking Im gonna hurt someone or the thoughts just coming in that i will.

  189. Dan P Says:

    Hi all,

    This is my first post on this site although I have been following the posts for some time as they have been hugely helpful. I’ve suffered anxiety on and off for years and have always come out of it just fine. I seem to be having a set back lately though which maybe somebody can help me with? My anxiety always seems to end up in constant weird and worrying thoughts that i get stuck on and think to myself ‘how will i ever get out of them’! At the moment i can’t stop thinking ‘what if nothing is really real?’. I know it sounds weird but the thought is like what if i’m imagining everything or dreaming or seomthing. Then the thought that i can’t prove anything drives me mad! It’s like I NEED to find an answer to this in order to get better, but there is no answer – so how do i get out of it! Sometimes i find comfort in reading some of Pauls advice and can deal with it alot better but then, wham! – the thought kicks in ‘well you could be just imagining it all anyway’ then my heart sinks. How do i get out of this cycle if i can never prove to myself that the thoughts are irrational? Thanks everybody – i hope we can all help each other out of this!

  190. Nikki Says:

    Hi johnny p,I have been in exactly the same place you are now.I was supposed to start my nurse training back in january but my dad was really ill and subsequently died in hospital from then on i just ‘knew’ i couldnt go into a hospital again and then i spiralled.I had left a really good job to do nursing which i tried to get back and couldnt i was distraught at the thought of going back to nursing what if i hurt the patients ? all sorts of crazy stuff but i kept remembering i hadnt had these thoughts or feelings before anxiety hit me and that was the real me so these weird ideas thoughts and feelings had to be brought on by anxiety.I am still feeling weird about starting in september but the thoughts and things are’nt there now its just a feeling of extreme nerves about it.When i am having a good day i am so excited and can’t wait to start just like i used to feel but days like today when the nerves are strong i dont feel like that but i will go and do it anyway because i know if i wait for this thing to fade it could be another year or 18 months and i dont want to waste any time living because of stupid nerves.I also had the thought i wanted to hurt someone ( my daughter actually) but again i thought before i had anxiety the thought didnt enter my head so it is a side effect of nerves.The way i look at anxiety now is that having gone through this will make me a lot less of a judgemental person and is going to make me a better nurse so if you like you can turn into a positive there are going to be patients and family who are suffering anxiety due to what they are suffering and someone who has’nt experienced what we have just wouldnt understand and anxiety especially with illness is far more common than people let on ,just see this as in depth practical assesment in communication lol.Once you stop worrying about the thoughts and BELIEVE they are just anxiety it will make them easier to deal with.Hope this helps.Dont think just because i can see it for what it is i feel any different from you because i type this my body is absolutely racing, i know the answer to recovery but just knowing it doesnt make it go away it takes time and patience.

  191. Nikki Says:

    Hi i was wondering once the penny drops and anxiety is no longer a’problem’,what do i expect now? I mean i have been down the path of feeling bad and fighting and worrying now i no longer do that and i just have extreme nerves daily nothing else what happens does this just fade or do i still have extreme days.I only want to know for information i understand what will be will be im just interested in other peoples journey.Kashawn and scarlett in particular.

  192. Lotty Says:

    Johnny P, I think Nikki has given you very good advice, turning your experience with anxiety into a positive is what is going to be what makes it all worth it for all of us. I’m sure that you will make a much better and more empathetic nurse than someone who hasn’t experienced all of this, although I know you can’t appreciate this at the moment. I feel for you when you say you are crying; believe me Johnny I spent days and days at my desk at work with tears streaming down my face, my workmates knew that I was going through a hard time and they just pretended they didn’t notice my swollen eyes. Sometimes it’s so hard when despair and impatience sets in, but keep going, never give up even when as say you are “tired of the thoughts”. Your love for people and life is still there don’t worry, it’s just hidden underneath all this anxiety and sadness, which will lift in time. xxx

  193. Leslie Says:

    Thanks so much for your replies, Lotty and Nikki. It truly is so comforting knowing we’re not alone in this! Sometimes it’s just so hard. When I look back at when I began “suffering”, these thoughts/feelings about not being able to do things have been there since the beginning. I think it’s just that I was dealing with so many other thoughts (“I’m going to be like this forever”, “I’m going crazy”, “I have a headache…..I must have a brain tumor”) that I didn’t really focus so much on these thoughts. LOL Does anyone else feel like once certain symptoms calm down, then you move on to worrying/obsessing about other ones? That’s certainly how it’s been for me! It’s like I feel like I NEED to be worrying about something! Gotta love the anxious mind! When I start obessing about these thoughts about not being able to do things, then the thought comes in…..well you’ve been like this for 5 months…’re supposed to be like this. I know it’s absolute nonsense and dismiss it, but it’s just so annoying. Or for example, when I think about what I “want” to do this weekend, I’ll automatically get the thought……”nope, can’t do…..I won’t enjoy any of it”! Does anyone else do that? Lotty, I have a question for you. I know we share these same thoughts about not being able to do things. So how exactly do you deal with them? For example right now, I’m sitting here dwelling on them. They don’t necessarily come right before I go to do something…..actually they come when I think about doing something……i.e. cooking, going out to eat, calling a friend to chat on the phone. So my question is, when I’m sitting here thinking about what I’m going to do this weekend or about going to my yoga class tonight, and the thought pops in that I just can’t do it…..that I’ll feel miserable, etc. etc. etc., do I just ignore it?? I’m having trouble with this one because in my mind it’s different than a thought about “being like this forever” or something like that…..for whatever reason. Also, when I think about not having any of this anxiety left, I almost get scared! It’s like “what will I do without it!”……it’s just soooooo odd……almost like I’m afraid to be without it and feel normal……like I don’t want to or something. Everyone’s support and advice has been sooooo incredibly helpful…..thank you!

  194. Leslie Says:

    One more thing I forgot to mention… the beginning when I was really bad, I wasn’t sleeping at all. Then one night, I just made up my mind……I don’t really care if I sleep or not…..there’s nothing I can do about it. And eventually I just started sleeping… just happened. Now, if for some reason, I don’t sleep well one night, I don’t worry one bit about it. I just let it go. My point is, I guess that’s the point I need to get to with these thoughts. Once I completely stop caring, it becomes less and less of a problem and it goes away on its own. Easy concept to write down……not so easy to put into practice at times!

  195. Nikki Says:

    Hi leslie you are right i did exactly the same thing with the sleeping it got to the point i knew i was’nt going to sleep and expected it then i started sleeping Hey presto. The stopping caring bit is exactly the answer and that is where i am i dont care about symptoms and thoughts and feelings anymore it will all go away at some point.Its just when? months ?years?weeks?it doesnt matter i would just like to know what to expect I dont actually care how lonh as i KNOW it will happen i would just like to know how long roughly this takes for others who have recovered and if i cant get an answer oh well il find out when i get there.Take care x

  196. Claire R Says:

    Hey Johnny,

    My heart really goes out to u..I have had such a bad time too recently.. This will pass, such great replys from Nikki & Lotty, Lotty helped me so much only a couple of weeks ago, with her words of support to me..You can see my posts on this current blog.. I am not as good with words as Lotty & Nikki, but please follow through what everyone says on here…Cxx

  197. trez Says:

    Hi Louise,have been having a few good days,really enjoying things.So now i do believe that it is all in the way you react to your thoughts and feelings,i must say i can relate to a few people on the blog,its like a little voice in your mind telling you that you cant do things,like questioning,can i make the dinner,why do i not feel normal doing this,its just that we believe it all because of the anxiety because we be so wrapped up in trying t o work it all out.This last few days i seem to be more relaxed about it all,so im just enjoying it all.Leslie everything that you have mentioned is totally normal when you are suffering with anxiety.ive been suffering for a wile now,when im having bad days i question everything,believe every thought that im having,but it is true,its the way you react to it,i thought that i would never be able to enjoy anything again,its a habit that we get our selves into.i am just taking every day as it comes,im fed up fighting it.x

  198. lisa Says:

    nikki your wanting to know how long it takes, so your still wondering, thinkin and not accepting. it doesnt matter how long it takes it will go when you stop thinking about it. its become a habit to you that only YOU can break. i no its hard, mine is just like a shadow now but the more minutes n hours n days n weeks i leave it alone, stop picking at it it will just go on its own, just like yours will. fill your mind n days with other things and you wont have time to think when it will go it will of gone :-) give up the fight trez, learn to just observe the battle not get involved with it, it gets soooo much easier.

  199. Nikki Says:

    Hi lisa thanks for replying ,i think at the moment my problem is extreme boredom.I have given up the fight and how liberating it is to let it be!There is no structure to the day at the moment with the kids off school and im trying to find things to do.Money is non existent so treats and days out are not possible although we have baked up a storm! and the house is covered in stuff to keep the younger one occupied.I spend alot of time on the computer playing games and stuff and i think i have just got back into the habit of studying anxiety i suppose.I dont need answers as i say,im not that fussed its just my way i suppose.If someone did answer back and said it takes years, it wouldnt bother me i am just an information gatherer.I am not worried about recovery i feel mentally recovered because i am not scared anymore and i dont worry about feeling this way i dont mind it.You are right its giving up the battle that makes it so much easier.

  200. Lotty Says:

    Yes Leslie you are right, it seems that as long as anxiety is around, as soon as you seem to get a handle on one particular symptom, it will find its outlet in another. But that’s why it’s so important to as Paul says “put it all under the anxiety umbrella”, and not to get bogged down with the specifics. Even though this is easier said than done (as we both know – we are both struggling with the same pesky symptom at the moment), I know that it’s the right way. So when you ask “I know we share these same thoughts about not being able to do things. So how exactly do you deal with them?”, the answer is, I don’t. I let the thought come, and I feel uncomfortable and vulnerable but I do the activity anyway, or plan to do it if it’s in the future. I know that, physically, I can do it regardless of what thoughts are in my head at the time. I sort of “shrug off” the thought about not being able to do it in my head, it comes back, I shrug it off again. But I don’t force it away, I let it come as many times as it wants, I sort of live alongside it. Leslie, it’s no different than any of the other persistent thoughts that anxiety brings. And I know exactly what you mean about being scared to feel normal, I had that too. I think when I was feeling so many symptoms so strongly, in some way I imagined that it was all going to stop at some point and I would be left lost and grasping in the dark, trying to find my way back to the person I used to be. But that’s not how it is; “normality” creeps up so slowly you hardly know it’s happening!! xxx

  201. lisa Says:

    nikki then you need something to replace the information gathering, board games, playing cards, kids painting on rolls of old wall papaer , all these are cheap no money needed, parks, hangman, dominoes, swimming which isnt expensive, its just using your imagination plus your getting the kids involved. its becoming an unhealthy obsession too you but by doing things like of the above those are all healthy ones. right im taking my 2 out for tea now to the mexican, have a lovely weekend :-)

  202. Leslie Says:

    Thanks for your replies! I guess for some reason I assumed I was doing something wrong because I do feel, as you say Lotty, “uncomfortable and vulnerable” when the thought comes in about not being able to do something. I just assumed I needed to train my brain not feel anything or attach any emotion to that thought. I still do the activity (just totally beginning doing that really), but I usually get the thought. So I guess I need to have the thought, feel whatever I feel, and move on and not dwell?? Thanks so much!! xx

  203. Candie Says:


    you will get out of the cycle when you stop trying to rationalise the thoughts, an anxious mind wont always let you so its pointless. Accept the way you feel and refuse to analyse the thoughts and when you feel like analysing dismiss again and recognise that you wont get roped into analysing your way better. Even if you did find the answers an other thought will always come till you learn to adopt this attitude. Everything is a possibility at the end of the day, no one can never say never to things like what your thinking so there is nothing wrong with having the though. Anything goes really, so if it bugs you again just think its ok to have this thought, however i wont get worked up analysing it and trying to prove otherwise to myself. Its amazing once you get good at dismissing this way you usually find whatever you cant get right in your head usually comes back to you later when you have cut of from it and you can be more rational as you havn’t been fighting it

  204. Nicole Says:

    Stress. What a bugger! It threw me into a setback that I am emerging from but it was a whopper that made me question this all again.
    I remember Candie saying once that setbacks were frustrating because you knew how you were supposed to react to the anxiety but just seemed unable to do it.
    That was me – I became totally wrapped up in it again and watched myself doing it which created more frustration, worry etc. I even started to think that maybe I should start taking medication again.
    I finally said to myself “What’s more important, living life or studying anxiety?” because I was certainly acting like anxiety was more important than anything else. So I dropped the books and just did my best to continue on. I have to say that I am still feeling confused with what ‘this’ is and how to clear a path to recovery. My head is muddled and I am feeling disheartened with how often I have had to go through set-backs. I have been trying to follow Paul’s teachings for more than a year now, but obviously I am trying too hard at times and still afraid of the feelings but I refuse to give up and know that I am on my way it’s just taking me a little longer than some.
    I was also feeling extremely low and worried about how to heal from depression without meds although I know it can be done. It just takes perserverance and faith and mine falter from time to time.
    Having said all this; I believe that it is all just anxiety brought on by stress and aggravated by PMS. My only question now is how do I stop being afraid of stress and change? It’s everywhere and I do not want to run away from it. Any pointers?
    Thanks soooo much, Nicole
    P.S.After reading this over it seems to me that I am creating alot of my own suffering. I mean who cares if I have 2 or 200 set-backs? Patience is not one of my stronger attributes if you haven’t already noticed!

  205. Johnny p Says:

    Thank you all for your replies,
    Alot of what is going on with you all seems to be happening with me. Alot has come up again since I stopped taking meds. In america drugs are pushed for every little thing. I have to say the idea that these thought weren’t around while I’d idnt have anxiety seems to make it fall into place. I walked on the floor as a student before and had no anxiety at all. I saw all the other students give meds and have anxiety and I didn’t at all..later on when I learned about it wondererd why I didn’t have any why was I different. Lol seems funny now that I asked that.. I have to remember it started out with too much caffien in my system way too much..and because of it had a panic attack and went to the hospital and the dr said I might have Ms. I then went to the neurologist and she said I was fine and I was so relieved and was fine and cried in relief and then she saw my physian prescribed xanax and sai d I need help as in therapy and I took it only once. It was the constant being relieved by a dr and then as we parted they mentioned something else. It just went from there. I feel alot better from your kind words and thank you all again !

  206. Dan P Says:

    Hi candie, thank you for your reply. This site is so helpful to so many people it should come on prescription! I’m going to try as you say to stop rationalising – the urge is huge but I’ll give it my all. Is this one of the problems that in anxiety the mind just isn’t rational? The problem I’m having is the thought that these things could be a possibility – I can’t deal with the thought that they might be true – my worst fears coming true is a possibility! I guess what I need to know is whether when i’m better the thought that these things could be possible will no longer bother me? Will my mind be able to see it more rationally like everybody else? Thank you so much for your help…

  207. Lotty Says:

    Yes, I think that’s it Leslie. And it may be a comfort to you to know that I am out here trying to do the same thing. I’m in a bit of a setback at the moment. So do keep me up to date on how things go for you, I’m sure we’ll be able to help each other along. Good luck! xxxx

  208. Nikki Says:

    Hi all .Hope you all are having a good day.I am posting today about my situation in the hope that maybe candie or someone recovered can confirm that i am on the right track.I seem to have had anxiety on my mind alot of late and its not questioning anymore just me reassuring myself i am doing okay.I get up every morning feeling intensely nervous and i just accept that i feel bad,it will go on its own.I move through my day doing what needs to be done no matter how i feel about the task in hand.If memory makes me remember a certain thing that reminds me of anxiety i say to myself ‘yeh thats what happens it doesnt matter’ it will pass ‘.If i am thinking about anxiety i tell myself it doesnt matter if you think about it or not it will go on its own.I feel every symptom and every thought,feeling or emotion because i know so well this anxiety and how it makes me think and feel.I will say it has faded immensely to what it was.To all i give the same answer it doesnt matter its what anxiety does.I am now no longer AFRAID of any symptom.I will get up tomorow feeling bad but i am being the person i was before.For example i am going out tomorrow and i will be up dancing with the rest of them because thats what i do i will be loud and bouncy thats me.I know i will have nerves but if i sat down id have nerves .I understand completely it is me that has nerves not the pub or asda,i dont have a place that i need to avoid i dont feel any worse outside the house than in it.I have no fear of pushing the boundries and havent had for ages if i think doing a certain thing will make me feel worse i will be more determined to do it and feel what is there.I am not scared of myself any more i am 100% certain of who i am and i am as invincible as i was before ( I have always been my own religion only i can make the difference its not down to luck you make your own)and i know i will recover because we all do, however long.My one big problem is I am a problem solver and if something is broke i will fix it.This is where i come unstuck sometimes i forget that this is NOT a problem that needs solving.Patience is not one of my virtues.It almost feels like if anxiety is a brick wall of really bad feelings and symptoms and normality is on the other side,wheras most people would shy away from that really bad place the vibes being given off by that wall they would turn their back and try to sheild from it,not me i would run at it and knock every brick down it holds no fear for me and i feel like thats what im doing but getting impatient because this wall is taking along time to come down.I know i do need to move away from the blog a bit and focus elsewhere but that is also tricky at the moment because although i focus elsewhere i am still always aware of ‘it’ but i suppose the more i focus the less aware i become at first i will still be 24/7 but it will get better with time.See i do have my answers.Could someone confirm what i already know? Thanks sorry to be asking but i feel like if i can get a response to this i will not need to keep reassuring myself.

  209. louise Says:

    Hey everyone,noticed alot of people struggling with the intrusive thoughts-taboo thinking i like to call it,im 6 months into recovery and still get them!Now that ive opened up about my anxiety,i talk about it to friends and family and ive been amazed to find just how many non-anxious people get these irrational thoughts,the mind is the most complex thing in the universe-GIVE UP trying to work it out!!!My thoughts used scare me so much,they ruined my life,if i woke up an a bad thought entered my mind,that was it, my whole day would be ruined!But i know now it wasnt the thoughts that where ruining my day it was myself and my REACTION to them,it took time to stop reacting to horrible/bizarre thoughts,it didnt happen overnight but i trusted in my bodys power to heal and some months down the line,still having taboo thoughts,im doing well simply because i no longer react to them,let them come,open the flood gates,let them do their worse-they CANNOT harm you!!I do go on a bit,tell me to shut-up if i get annoying,but i just feel so strongly that ive been robbed of so much of my life,tricked into a false sense of doom and gloom,fear and helplessness that im just not gonna let it happen anymore ,come what may-LIFE IS SHORT!!!!!!Speak soon & have a good weekend everyone xx

  210. Claire R Says:

    Hi Louise

    Thank u for your post..had a few wobbly moments this morning..why are mornings so hard! Grrr

    Your words are just what I need today & to reassure me..I have my friends Hen day tomorrow, and feel ok now about going..did feel a lilttle anxious yesterday, thinking about me still having the awful thoughts when on Hen do..but have got a bit into my head.. so what if i do feel odd, odd thoughts etc..i just have to let them be there & NOT FIGHT the feelings/thoughts..But as we all know that can be the tricky bit! Thank u again for your words, helped me sooo C xxxx

  211. Nikki Says:

    Hi louise i know exactly what you mean. I have told all friends and family from the start what was happening – im not ashamed – the amount of people that have said yeh i had that too especially with the thoughts my mom in particular has had trouble with thoughts but they left her eventually.I recently found out when i had my daughter i had thoughts of harming her which freaked me out obviously they went away when i ignored them but i told a friend about it at the time her daughter was born a few days earlier than mine and she had exactly the same thing and when i told her about my problem she felt relieved and she says now i cured her.So communication about anxiety and its related symptoms needs promoting i think far more people suffer than let on because there is a stigma attatched people see it as a weakness. The character portrayal of people on telly does nothing to help either.I can think of a few soaps at the moment doing just that.I can promise you if you met me you would see a very confident and outgoing person not at all what you would expect from an anxiety sufferer.Anyway i can go on a bit to louise so im gonna shut up now.I am in total agreement i dont have any more time to waste on this.Have a good one x x

  212. Leslie Says:

    Thanks a bunch, Lotty. It truly does make me feel better to know I’m not alone in this. I know we’ll all get through this…..patience and time (lots of patience!!). Have a good day all! xx

  213. Carol R Says:

    Hi everyone,

    On the subject of strange thoughts, I still get them now after eighteen months. When I am feeling good , I can handle them, but sometimes a thought comes into my head and ruins my day. Just wondered if anyone else has strange thoughts about hurting or abusing people. I know that they are only thoughts brought on by my anxiety, but they upset me still the same. I know that they can not be true as I have so many of these thoughts(and others) but in eighteen months I have never acted upon them. How do I deal with them when one gets a hold of me?. Just wish I could dismiss them all the time. Any ideas would be gratefully recieved. Thanks

    Carol R

  214. Emily Says:

    It sounds like almost all of the recent posts have to do with TIME. It takes time. It’ll happen over and over and over again until a little bit more confidence is built each time.
    I almost need to put a big sign in my house that says “It WILL come back and trick you; expect it!” :)
    This is certainly what I’ve been learning more and more, but only because it’s come and pestered me so many times with uncomfortable thoughts. Let it run it’s course over and over and over! That’s the proven way, right?

  215. candie Says:

    Dan, when there is not analysing of a thought, your mind will dismiss it as irrelevant rubbish and it goes away. Honestly i was exactly the same as you, thought if i could find answers to some thoughts i could be rational… the thing is there is no right or wrong answer. We cant prove that the world isnt a big dream, i dont particually think it is a dream but i cant prove it- just like i cant prove many things.. so the best thing to do is refuse to analyse it. When you catch yourself delving into the thought, alow it to play in your mind when it wishes but dont investigate it and rumernate. There is nothing wrong with thinking that thought, i used to always think before i had anxiety lots of thoughts from what if this is all one big dream to thoughts about how the earth was created. We are all over reacting to normal fleeting thoughts.

    Carol R, take the above advice too- it will work for you!

    Nikki, your doing just fine.. a lot more clued up then i was after so many months of recovering… stick at it, slowly but surely the attention will go from you.

    Sorry about short replies, got a new kitten which is driving me nuts, gotta have eyes in the back of my head when it comes to him and my baby!

  216. Johnny p Says:

    Hi nikki ,
    Thanks so much for that had a big laugh as you said in depth assement. I feel better latley had a whole day of just an empty head lol. I guess its all the stress that’s come up too. I noticed I had irrational thought before and laughed them off before the anxiety but the fear of getting sick and losing it and all the focus I put into doing good and studying all those illnesses brought up my greatest fear of becoming mentally not well. Of not being able to laugh and do things for people and even being scared of people. I read all this stuff thatpeople think and do who are really mentally I’ll and started after my panic attack is what seperates me from them and even though I learned its such an extreme it still didn’t stick because of my anxious state. It mostly the repeating of thought that starts to way me down.

    Thanks lotty to you as well!

  217. lorryt Says:

    hi all

    have been on hols this week , went ok, would have loved to have been footloose and care free but i couldnt shake it. enjoyed some of it, but was stressing about how much it was all costing !!. seems things have not been going as well as i would have liked but i can handle it its no biggy !. just more frustrating and annoying. same old things come back to haunt me thoughts of all the things that bothered me before. i know this will come back from time to time just the timing isnt good as was looking forward to getting away and forgettign about everything!. follows us all i guess. will keep on keeping on, xx

  218. Nikki Says:

    HI lorry i know what you mean i had a holiday earlier in the year and i couldnt enjoy it fully.That is something i am looking forward too.Complete freedom to enjoy with no heavy weight.Thats what i have even on good days a heavy weight.Like you say keep on keeping on x

  219. lorryt Says:

    its really weird nikki, it sort of happened a few weeks ago for a while and then it descended again. i tend to take it out on my hubby and its not fair.
    i really feel like crying today but im not coz its not gonna upset me like it used tired and hot and exhausted from keeping the kids busy all week away. so i nee dto be gentle with myself and accept again. cheers mate glad someone can relate!. ta ta for noe xx

  220. lisa Says:

    lorry, anyone would feel stressed trying to keep the kids occupied on holiday. have you been anywhere nice?? what i do is say ok im feeling a bit anxious, take 5 breaths try n relax as much as i can, anxiety your going to be here anyway but il take you with me its ok, then carry on building the sand castles or swimming. dont forget you need some chill out time too. men have it easy really , no offence to the guys on here at all but they can go for a pint or go n clean the car or go for a newspaper, jog, football, were just left holding the fort really. mine are old enough now so i can go out with the lasses on a sunday night, iv just joined the lasses datrs team, keep fit classes, its finding something just for you.whether its going for a walk or swimming or a massage, drawing, puzzles, just relaxing time for you hun . just tell hubby you need this time even if its for half n hour on a morning n half n hour on a night. next year when you go away get 2 tins, 1 to pay 4 the hol the other to use for spending money, and dont open the spending one until a week before you go. its suprising what you save, then you wont stress n worry what your spending next year 😉

  221. lorryt Says:

    hi lisa, iguess just before i went away i felt really good and now idont, just th eusual set back trying to creep in. i know you are right. just catches you off guard sometimes. how are you enjoying the hols? managing tokeep kids out of mischief? xxxxxxx

  222. lisa Says:

    to be honest lorry il miss them when they go back 2 school, there growing up so fast, where does time go!! well the sun is shining here, time for me tanning oil on and to chill in the sun. just had bacon n eggs, all washed up so sun here i have a lovely sunday 😉 xx

  223. TREZ Says:

    hi everyone,having a bad day at the moment,but im just going with it,have had a few good days so im not going to dwell on today,theres just something really bugging me today,i keep thinking that im going to lose control,the thought is really strong,ive been having this thought often but its so strong today that i believe it 100%,its like im not going to no who i am tomorrow,does anyone understand were im coming from?

  224. candie Says:


    That is a very common anxiety thought, like all anxious thinkin it pesters us as we cant prove to ourself its not true. The key to it is to accept the possibility that anything is a possibility, but you are fine in the present moment.. therefore you can not fix what hasnt happened therefore it is useless rumernating as its very unlikey it ever will. People just dont lose control with anxiety, they try to force to much of it and figure things out when the problem resolves itself if you accept how anxious you feel then refuse to analyse the thought. I bet tomorrow you will be fine, then you will worry about tomorrow been the day after… the trouble is tomorrow never comes as nothing bad ever happens!

  225. lorryt Says:


    i know what you mean, thats one of my irrational thoughts about my kids they will grow up and grow away from me and not want to know me any more?? its mad i know, and it takes me over to the pointthat i believe it. i know i have to let he thoughts pass and add no meaning to them but t times its quite hard. it seems reading a lot of posts on here that everyone has their own perosnal anxiety thoughts but they seem to be the last thing to leave. its so intense for me at times i have cried myself to sleep ??!!!!.

  226. lorryt Says:

    thanks candie quite apt for me. we are all fine in the present moment, no good looking forward, or backward as one we cant change and one we have no idea what life will throw at us. put me straight !!!

    Thanks missus, hope your little bundle is doing well and you are all settled in your new home.

    you seem to have a knack of putting us back on the straight and narrowxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  227. trez Says:

    Thanks alot Candie,just seems when this is happening that i must be adding more and more thoughts to my feelings,i start to think that im different around my friends and family,also when im doing day to day things,now i no its when the mind starts to wander the feelings get more intense,i just cant seem to ignore these feelings,i seem to be looking for them at all times,enough about me how is the new baby doing?x

  228. candie Says:

    Trez ya dont need to ignore it or force it away, just allow it to be there and then there is no mental pull and it goes away itself.. so what if u feel weird around people, i do sometimes still now and again. Who cares, its never harmed u has it so pay it no attention or you mind will think its important and the thoughts of it stick.

    Lorry glad it helped, all our kids will grow up and leave home eventually.. just remember you cant cross a bridge till you come to it, and who knows ya kids may never leave home for a long time and if they do will still want there washing done and sunday dinners like most kids so you may never have to cross that bridge at all! Can you see you cant deal with anything thats not in the present moment, thats why your mind has always thrown that thought back at you as until you quit trying to get it right in your head it will do so now and again.

  229. lorryt Says:


    i know you are right, all i want to do is get back to the way i felt before i wenton holiday. it felt so good to be normal and not thinkabout anything at all really , be absorbed in what i was doing at that moment in time. i accept that life is a journey for us all and as families we all help each other through , its just when im like this my head rushes me through stuff and i believe what its telling me, i know i have to let it pass i give it too much weight and meaning , need to stop doing that?!. deal with today ..


  230. Natalie Says:

    Nikki- thank you ever so for your response about my post on eczema and anxiety. That was very insightful and has raised some interesting points which i hadn’t thought of before.

    As always, there is some great advice on here.

    I think i have always been a very stressed person my whole life, hence why i got some bad anxiety i’m sure. I’m at a place now where i feel i have nearly fully recovered from my anxiety, however i am now back to this stressed person i was before. I would really like to work on this and become less stressed, is there anyone else that can relate to this?

    Obviously stress is very normal for every human being and is perfectly safe in small doses. However, i still feel highly stressed and often mildly anxious, even though i’m not experiencing my bad anxiety symptoms anymore such as the depersonalisation, scared i’m going mad feelings etc.

    To anyone reading this who has recovered, did you go throught this phase, or are you less stress then you ever have been before the anxiety?

    Perhaps the very nature of what i’m saying suggests that i’m not fully recovered!!

    Have a good day all,


  231. Nikki Says:

    Hi all.Hope you all had a good weekend.I know i did had a really good night out with the hubby and some friends i didnt feel or think anxiety once,had abrill nights sleep i havent felt that relaxed for ages and then yesterday i went to my friends house for the afternoon we had a great time.Obviously this morning anxiety is knocking again only because i was so preoccupied i never had time to give it a thought although im having new feeling this morning more to do with muscular tension really,it feels like the skin around the tops of my arms and chest,back and neck is being pulled down and really heavy.I must say also when i have ever felt stressed i have always felt tension or tightness in this area and this is where i hold my anxiety if that makes sense.All the feelings of anxiety always tingle in this area.Its quite nice actually because it feels like the muscles are relaxing.The only thing really that bothers me about anxiety now is that it alters your perception of things or how you feel about doing something for example when i think about doing my nursing course i get a sort of ‘aaah dont think i want to do this its going to be to much’and the images of me actually working dont have a nice feeling associated.This sort of thing happens alot its this not being able to trust your own feelings that makes anxiety so bad for me because as we all are we use our ‘gut’ feeling or emotions to judge how we feel about doing something.Even things like housework because none of us like that but i get an exagerated feeling of ‘oh no dont want to’thats where i find it takes extra effort, but when i am not feeling anxiety i am looking forward to doing things and there isnt any effort invoved.Im not complaining i must say things are alot better than they were but little things now annoy.I can also see where i had anxiety before i suffered if you know what i mean and i can recognise symptoms in others, not full blown nerves but little things in everyone.I see it in my mom my son (he’s 13,hormones dontcha know) my hubby and my friends.It seems its in us all only exagerated in us at the moment.Anyway enough of my ramblings and observations.Have a good day all x

  232. louise Says:

    Natalie,ye im with you,im well on the road to recovery but still feel very stressed at times,i no longer believe im going mad or buy into any the thoughts of me being a “weirdo” which has been LIFE CHANGING!! but yes i still get stressed very easily and feel like i carry a sort of air of anxiety with me which varies depending on mood/circumstances.Im not totally recovered yet and on a certain level i think i will always be an anxious person but ive started taking steps to reduce stress as much as possible.Recently gave up smoking(3rd attempt)excercise is very important,i enjoy running-great stress buster,invested in a relaxation cd,deep breathing exercises are amazing at helping with the physical symptoms,work really well for me,im a chronic overbreather,i always make some time for reading,find it really relaxes me,theres so much we can do to reduce stress and relax,i cant advocate exercise enough!!Through the rcovery process ive also noticed a distinct change in my personality-ive become soooooooooo much more positive,i think this is through wasting so much of my young life in fear-im coming through this and my confidence has grown tenfold,i used to think i was worthless and would be better of dead,thought i was a weirdo who noone liked or valued,well maybe i aM!!!LOL I accept i may always be of an anxious disposition but i do believe there are measures we can take to relax our minds and bodies as much as possible,some of them are also very enjoyable!!!XXX

  233. mac Says:

    hey everyone its mac, im struggling right now because i forget what is like to feel and act normal and its scaring me because i feel like this is me forever, it feels like i cant think straight and i cant have rational thoughts because im blogged down in anxiety. i have thought like this for 3 years straight where its constantly on me an dnothing else. i feel like before i could do anything, now its just anxiety feeling and thoughts 24/7. i feel like i dont know what it is like to just move through life like i used to before all of this, how do we know what normal feels like after years of tiring out your mind. can anyone relate or give me some advice on just letting it be even if i feel anxiety 24/7???? thank you everyone!!!!

  234. lisa Says:

    mac, you sound as though youv had anxiety along time, so even though your original problem has been sorted youv now got a new problem the fear. its become like a shadow to you 24/7. you have now got to fill your day with other things to replace it. noticing other things in your day, the smell of cooking, the birds singing, kids playing, brushing your teeth, getting dressed, driving being mindful of living in the here n now, your anxiety is in the past. let the anxiety be there 24/7 but leave it alone. its like youv fallen over n grazed your knee, youv now got a scab but you keep picking the scab off, leave the scab alone and your knee will heal. its the same as anxiety. once you stop thinking and worrying and wondering and questioning itl go.

  235. Natalie Says:

    Mac i can completely relate to this. I too forgot what it left like to feel normal and wondered what it would feel like to be normal again. The only way to get this normality back is to accept how you’re feeling now.

    I know it’s a right pain in the arse, but by excepting it and just letting it be there you could then do something with your day. Try something that you would have done before you experienced anxiety. No matter how s**t you feel. Even if it’s something like going for a walk, it doesn’t matter how small and insignificant it might feel. The very nature of this means you are taking charge. Let all the anxious feeling wash over you and let them be there if they want to, no matter how much your mind is chattering away.

    Believe me you will know what normal feels like again. It will take time, but you will see it again, and you will be like, oh -yeahh!

    I hope this helps – Natalie

  236. Natalie Says:

    Louise, i know what you mean about the exercising! I too have been running, i find it particularly benefitial running in the mornings as it makes me feel a little bit more chilled out for the rest of the day.

    I’m pleased to hear that you are feeling more confident than before – that’s great! Some of my friends and family have commented recently that they think i seem a lot more relaxed than i used to. That’s really good considering that i kept the extent of my anxiety a secret from everyone.

    Well done on giving up your smoking! I gave up at the beginning of this year, i think it definately has helped my recovery. Not to mention making it easier for me to exercise!

    later Y’ all!

  237. Lotty Says:

    As I said in my post to Leslie only last week (you see, this anxiety thought is SOOOO common!) : “And I know exactly what you mean about being scared to feel normal, I had that too. I think when I was feeling so many symptoms so strongly, in some way I imagined that it was all going to stop at some point and I would be left lost and grasping in the dark, trying to find my way back to the person I used to be. But that’s not how it is; “normality” creeps up so slowly you hardly know it’s happening!!”. It comes back so slowly that you will adapt just fine.

  238. alyssa Says:

    Hi everyone my name is alyssa and am 19 and thanks candie for showing me this :) I am always asking myself questions like do i want to kill someone or myself? its driving me nuts no matter how many times i say no i dont want to do these things a part of me just doesnt believe this i dont know why….then i think well maybe i want to do this… i truly would never want to hurt anyone but i keep thinking this might be true that i do want to do it. I will worry about this all day and its just horrible….i know i sound like a big baby and im always crying my mom has been there for me all through this and she thinks i can get through this and at times i just feel as if i cant i lose hope :( I just hate how im feeling its like i dont trust myself and i dont know who i am…. then im like do i want to recover? maybe i dont and of course i do its like my mind will make up stupid things i want to do the right thing always and for some reason it feels like i want to do the wrong thing….i hope someone can help me i feel lost and dont know who i am it feels like

  239. Carol R Says:

    Hi alyssa

    beleive me that this is just anxiety playing tricks on you. I have had anxiety for the past 18 months and am well on the road to recovery now, but i too have had horrible thoughts about hurting or abusing people and killing myself. beleive me, it will never happen. I used to get upset but whenever i get one of these thoughts, i just say”oh no, not you again”. I have never carried out one of my thoughts and I know i never will. trust yourself, so have no evidence you are a bad person. it is just the anxiety making you doubt yourself. be strong and you will get through this, i promise. just accept the thought as part of anxiety and once you accept you will never do any of these things, the anxiety loses its power. good luck. take care.

  240. mac Says:

    hey thanks everyone for the advice i am going to go through life with the whatever attitude and let it do its best and realize its nothing to be afraid of

  241. mac Says:

    hey thanks everyone for the advice i am going to go through life with the whatever attitude and let it do its best and realize its nothing to be afraid of

  242. louise Says:

    Good to hear Mac,you go!!!!!!!!!!And your right there is NOTHING to fear,lose the fear of all your symptoms and all your left with is annoyances,lose the fear and you are well on your way to recovery,good luck xx

  243. lorryt Says:


    letting off again, feeling totally exhausted today and its only 9am, i think its coz im stressing about everything againfocusing on me and listening to my head, what happened to my whatever attitude i dunno today .

    it plays its tricks on us and we need not to believe it, its not us not how we function, just the anxiety clouding everything we do. we can get through it stay strong, sounds like your mum is great support. you will get through this believe me, this place definately helps. even to just get things off your chest. candie, scarlett and everyone else gives really grounding advice and we all understand. dont be too hard on youxx

  244. alyssa Says:

    hey lorryt and carol R thanks for the advice i realize that it is just anxiety playing its tricks on me…im so glad i found this place i feel like im on the right track for once and that makes me happy, everyone is great here! I dont know why but I feel like its really hard to accept its only anxiety i feel like its me thinking these things like im the bad one. has anyone done this, in the beginning?

  245. trez Says:

    hi,can anyone relate to were im at at the moment,i just dont no how to go about just accepting thoughts and feelings as they are so strong.I dont no if im making things harder for myself because im believing a lot of it,do you learn to accept through time,i just feel im on a downward spiral at the moment,sorry for sounding negative at the moment,but im just feeling every day is getting worse,can you analize alot when you feel like this,any coments would be great.thanksx

  246. Claire R Says:

    Hi all…

    its claire r again..seems like a few are having a lilttle rough patch at the moment, my heart goes out to everyone again…i just had a severe panic moment, but does anyone just hears a word then just keep repeating in their head. I know this is adrenalin having it shoot off at my body, but I am so scared again, I know I have fuelled it coz of I have not got rid of my fear of anxiety, so thats why I had a panic moment…Please C xx

  247. Lotty Says:

    Hi Claire, it’s me again! I tell you, anyone who has strange mental symptoms should speak to me and I’ll bet I’ve had 9 out of 10 of them!! I’m sorry you are going through a rough time, it may comfort you to know that at the end of last week I had a major setback myself after doing quite well for a couple of months, so I know how you feel. Yes, I am vaguely familiar with this one, it’s a bit like when you can’t get a song out of your head. And that happens to everyone, even when anxiety free! And how does a person normally react when that happens? They think “oh damn, I can’t get that stupid song out of my head!!! LOL”. And they let it go. It may play on for a bit longer still. But it wouldn’t scare you, right? It’s just the same, but anxiety is making it seem more significant than it really is – just stick it under that ol’ anxiety umbrella!! xxx

  248. Claire r Says:

    Lotty..what would I do without you….Thank you..yes, you are right I have to stick it under that damn anxiety umbrella..i MUST NOT separate symptons, I know you told me this before too.

    I have been doing a bit better recently too, so this hit lil episode hit me so hard

    I am sorry too you have had a setback, how are you doing today? xx

  249. Lotty Says:

    Oh Claire, I know how it is. It takes a lot of practice to be able to dismiss new symptoms. Sometimes you need to be reminded again and again; if you have truly been there you would never get tired of doing this for someone else. And I know how terribly hard it is to take a setback when you feel you’re getting somewhere. But you learn a little bit more each time. This setback has taught me that it will come back again and again until I am de-sensitised to the fear, and I will be able to recover a bit quicker each time. I am already doing a lot better in a few days this time; normally it would have taken me several weeks. But it is hard. xxx

  250. Carol R Says:

    Hi alyssa,

    yes i know it is hard to accept it is only anxiety. i still have moments now when i wonder if my thoughts are real, but i am learning to accept they are not. once you can do this, it seems easier. i too have bad days when i get really fed up of it, but the bad days get easier and i find that once i accept them, i do not go into the downward spiral.

    Trez- you do learn to accept through time. try not to beat yourself up about your thoughts, easier said than done, i know. I think it is reassuring to know that we all seem to have the same ups and downs and that it is only anxiety playing it’s tricks on us. i often analize how i am feeling, yet another symptom and it almost becomes a habit. just carry on with your day and try not to worry.

    take care everyone.

    carol R

  251. alyssa Says:

    Thanks carol and everyone you people are saints! I feel alot better knowing that you guys also think it could be something else….besides just anxiety. Today is a better day I think the accpeting is the hardeset first hump to get over. I feel better when i see people are dealing with the same problems as me a finally feel as if im not alone. Another question if anyone can help can anxiety make you not feel as yourself…like your a totally different person? thanks for everything

  252. trez Says:

    Thanks Carol,its as if im adding alot of fear to my symptoms,do you think this magnifies everything?I no people say anxiety plays tricks on us,it is t
    tricking me its because im letting it do this.I know someday it will all fall into place.Hi Alyssa anxiety can make you feel like a totally different person,but dont worry your still the same person its just anxiety making you think your not.x

  253. Katie Says:

    Trez,adding fear most definately magnifies everything and your symptoms. Adding fear to your symptoms is the reason they are sticking and seem worse than what they really are. I bet on a good day, you can actually laugh at some of your thoughts and think what a load of rubbish they are,but on a bad day when anxiety is high, you think ‘oh my god,why am i thinking like this, what if i carry out my thought.’One guess which day it would be when everything seems magnified-the bad! All you have to do is carry on with the ‘whatever attitude’ and let everything be, it is definately harder to do and believe on the bad days but just stick it out, it will soon pass!
    Claire R, when my anxiety was bad, i remember the sleepless nights that came with it, and it wr then that i would have a word or phrase going through my mind repeatedly.i can even remeber what it was-the name of my beta blocker. I couldnt get my head around the fact that i needed a tablet to control the physical symptoms and so the name of my tablet came repeatedly in my head!it wr so odd,but it definately wr jus an offshoot of the adrenalin.
    im now close to recovery,no longer scared of my symptoms,no longer on meds for anxiety, jus left with annoyance sometimes, and i definately believe recovery is within us all!

  254. Leslie Says:

    Hi everyone! Let me start by saying that I really feel like I’ve made a lot of progress. I understand exactly where my thoughts come from now. I know they’re caused by my over-anxious mind. They don’t stop coming (although they do come less frequently and with less force). Sometimes they still get a scared, confused reaction, but a lot of the time I’m able to completely dismiss them. I still think about anxiety a whole lot of the time, but I’m realizing that’s ok for now. I can’t say I like it, but it is what it is. So……my question is this…….I’ve seen a few people who post on here say that they are suffering again after feeling good for many years. As Paul says in his book, the person least like to suffer anxiety is the person who has already suffered. I can totally understand this. When I read these people’s stories, my mind will say “well maybe you will suffer again”, but I know to just dimiss this as an anxious thought. Can anyone enlighten me as to how someone could suffer again if you’ve been through it……it just seems you would have too much knowledge.

  255. mac Says:

    hey everyone, does anxiety rob u of your short term memory, it feels like i cant remember things recent, is this because i am constantly worried about myself and not letting anything into my life and day????

  256. Nikki Says:

    Hi all.Hope everyone is having a good day today.Im posting today to let off a bit of steam hope you dont mind,its just that i think alot of my anxiety stems from the people around me.I have for the last 18 months been sorting out everyone elses problems as well as my own and to be honest im getting a bit fed up of it.I have one or two people around me at present ( and have had for a long time) who cant deal with whats going on in their life so are expecting me to do it all for them(as i always have before).well because i havent been particularly myself of late iv stopped being the people pleaser and started putting myself first so saying no and boy do these people not like it the guilt that they are trying to put on me is massive and it seems they are keen for me to be recovered so i can continue to do for them.I did ask for their support and understanding,one said i dont have time to deal with you right now i have my own problems, i always thought you were stronger obviously not!!!!and the other said i dont understand i dont know what to say to you.I asked them both to read pauls book but they hadnt got time.It has been my best friend and this site,all of you,that has helped and supported me this far.Thank you.This is why i beleive i have been so concerned with recovery because i needed to recover in order that these people could continue dumping on me and have their nice care free life back, because i was feeling guilty for not helping them and guilty for putting myself first.I am recovering and i believe iv come further than i think really I have returned to the old me,but not good old nik who puts others firstand i am getting the youve changed you used to be so nice your selfish, when really all i am doing is not jumping when they tell me to anymore .I am glad i have had anxiety because having stepped back has made me see what has been happening here no wonder i had a breakdown i was dealing with three peoples problems.Right moan over.I just wanted to put that post up because it is true you do become a different person and for the better and also to say it is only having anxiety that has opened this observation up to me.I wont be living the same life when recovered you can be sure of that,im not living the same life now thank god!

  257. Lotty Says:

    Hi Leslie,
    Really glad you are making such good progress. Wow, that’s a question and a half!! I have many opinions on this one, being one of the people who has suffered several times from the age of 21 (I am now 35). In my experience, it is because this is the first time I have really tackled the problem by using my behaviour, I’ve always been given anti-depressants and the anxiety always re-surfaced as soon as I’ve tried to come off them. So what’s the answer in a nutshell? FEAR. For me it was fear that I couldn’t be well without anti-depressants. For someone else it may be fear when they find themselves in a particular difficult life circumstance (maybe illness or illness of a loved one, divorce, etc, etc). The feelings may begin to rise again and if they don’t have enough confidence it will be “oh no, here we go again, I’m going back to that horrible place, I don’t want to go there again, help!”. I’m sure it’s all about confidence. Claire Weekes has said that the only thing that can disarm you is fear, and I agree. Fear and lack of confidence. But as you said, if you have the sort of attitude that you are talking about when you say “When I read these people’s stories, my mind will say “well maybe you will suffer again”, but I know to just dimiss this as an anxious thought”, I’m sure you have already learned a great deal. You can have hiccups, but you won’t necessarily be thrown completely into despair and fear. But for some of us, it has taken a longer time to get here, and we have many experiences of “defeat” under our belt, so we are just a little bit more fearful. Does that make sense to you?

    And Mac, absolutely. One of the first things I noticed back when this episode started for me was my memory; it was absolutely shot. And it’s because you’re too busy worrying about yourself, like you say! Have you ever had the experience where you try really hard to remember something and you can’t and then as soon as you stop trying so hard and forget about it, the answer comes to you? What does that tell you?! Your brain is overloaded, your memory will improve as soon as you stop flogging it so hard with worry.
    Hope that helps.

  258. alyssa Says:

    Hi me again lol i have been having anxiety for about 2 years on and off and want to know how to look at anxiety in a healthier way so the fears, doubts wont come as strong when they do appear. It seems as if the memory of these thoughts create the anxiety for me now. glad to see everyone is doing better and understanding more.

  259. Leslie Says:

    Lotty, thanks so much for taking the time to reply. Everything you said makes perfect sense! I know that in my case, I’m gradually starting to fear my symptoms less and less. For example, I used to get this horrible dizzy, detached feeling (usually when eating out at a restaurant)……I would sit there and think about that feeling and fear it and wouldn’t you know it……there it came! Now it just sort of clicked……I no longer fear that feeling at all. It’s not that important! And eventually, I know that’s how I’ll be with all the symptoms of anxiety….it’s gradually happening. So I totally agree……it’s the fear that keeps these things coming. So I know in the future, after we’ve all recovered, we could very well have the same symptoms (i.e. the dizziness, scary thoughts, etc), but we’ll know exactly what they are and where they’re coming from so it won’t matter. This whole experience is really changing me as a person and it’s a great thing! I’m becoming so much stronger and learning that it’s just not worth it to worry! You really start to realize what’s important in life. Anyway, thanks again for the reply Lotty. Have a great night!

  260. Carol R Says:

    Hi everyone,

    was just wondering, does anyone have the thought”what is life about, why are we all here?”. I can cope well with most of my strange thoughts, but this one plaques me like a bad headache! I know there is no answer, but why do I think it and try and work out the answer. Would be grateful to know if anyone else has this thought and how they deal with it.

    Love carol R

  261. lorryt Says:

    hi carol

    yes and what is the point of it all?? is quite a common one for me head hurts i just want to forget it all, but i seem to have lost the art of this new habit.came quite easy a while back but now i seem to have lostthe plot again and feel clambering out of the blakc hole again !.. advice please

  262. Carol R Says:

    Hi Lorryt,

    Sorry to hear you are not feeling good. I too have days when I can master the art of not letting my thoughts bother me and days when I struggle. But just remember that you can do and will be able to do it again. You will calmber out of the black hole, as you put it and am sure you will do it a lot faster this time as you understand it. I have had set backs too and I know it is sole destroying when it comes back, but i beleive with each set back we become stronger. Take care.


  263. Lotty Says:

    Hey Lorryt and Carol R,
    Practise, practise, practise. I’m with you both, clambering out of my own setback. As Carol says Lorryt, know that we have done it before and we can do it again. I try to see these setbacks as necessary in order to move forward. At the beginning it’s not yet habit and we seem to forget all the things we learnt last time and let fear creep in again. But we’ll get the knack of accepting and letting outside things back into our minds again and it will become easier to do so the next time. Love to you all. xxx

  264. Claire R Says:

    Great words from you again Lotty!!

    Yes, I am still ‘clambering out of my setback’ recently too…am re – reading properly the Dr Claire Weekes. as did not read it all back at Xmas…This is soo good too & that was written back in 1962 I think??

    Has anyone read it recently???

    I truly thank everyone on this site for their help….Love Claire xxx

  265. Kate Says:

    Hi Claire

    Yes, I am reading it at the moment. When I first started with panic attacks someone lent me a copy of Self Help for your Nerves which was fantastic and explained what I was going through. In April this year I bought Essential help for your nerves which goes into a lot more depth and has helped me so much in the past couple of months. I am definately now nearly recovered, all thanks to this site and Claire Weekes………UTTER ACCEPTANCE (this is all I live on now). She’s so positive about everything and is nice to know how many people her and Paul have helped to recover. Happy reading and good luck Claire :)

  266. trez Says:

    Hi everyone,something clicked today its that im constantly waiting and checking every thought and feeling,for example i check in on what way i feel when im doings things,thinking do i look normal around people,the list goes on and the thing is that is what i have feared for so long,has anyone else ever experienced this?Is this an offshoot with anxiety.any replys i would be grateful.x

  267. lorryt Says:

    its weird how it gets you though, ive totally lost my emotions again if someone said i had won the lottery i wouldnt get excited , just very indifferent about everything. i know i will get better, just sometimes need a bit of reassurance toughest thing i have ever been through, but i guess thats it, i am coming through it. claire weekes book is good i think i may have to re read it!!.

    love to allxxxxxxxxxx

  268. Lotty Says:

    Hey Claire and Kate,
    Yes, Claire Weekes’s “Self Help For Your Nerves” is my bible and I think I’ve read it so many times that I know most of it off by heart! Thanks to Paul and all his work, this place has also become a godsend to me. Between the two, I think we have everything we’ll need!! xxx

  269. Lotty Says:

    I forgot to say, I think Claire Weekes’s concept of “floating” was the only think that never really worked for me. That’s why Paul’s way of explaining things really helped for me – it seemed to pick up where Claire Weekes left off. Thank you Paul for all your work!! xxx

  270. Kate Says:

    Hi Lotty

    I find the ‘floating’ works quite well for me. If I have one of my irrational thoughts/feelings I just ‘float’ along with it there, whereas before I would try to stop it and put a block up, which, of course made it worse. We’ll get there in the end xx

  271. Lotty Says:

    Hi Kate,
    Of course we will!!! I think sometimes the specific way things are expressed speaks to people in different ways – we are so vulnerable when we are low that we really have to find someone who speaks to us in a way we can understand and respond to; I think that’s why Paul is so successful in his approach; his way is similar to “floating” I guess, just explained in a different way. I wanted to “float”, but I just couldn’t work out exactly how!!!! Paul gave me an alternative way to “float”, and he really went down to the nitty-gritty about how to apply it.

    Trez, my god, this is one of the last symptoms to go for me, the constant “checking in” on myself. It’s as if you’re body is constantly looking for reassurance: “Am i ok? Am I ok?”. As soon as you give it enough confidence to let go by concentrating on other things in the outside world a little at a time, and showing it that nothing bad will happen, over and over again, it will let go of this habit, slowly. I haven’t let go of this habit completely yet either, but I am sure this is the way.

    Lorryt, I have the lottery thought all the time!!!! I seem to use it to gauge how well I’m doing (the “checking in” thing again – LOL!!!) If I would be happy to win the lottery then I am doing well, if I couldn’t care less then I’m having a bad time, if I would be scared to win the lottery then I am not doing too well at all. Oh my god, someone please tell me I’m not mad!!!!!!! 😉 xxxx

  272. lorryt Says:


    mate you aint going mad!!!!!…… thats one of the things u certainly aint !!! yo help us all soooo much ..


  273. Nikki Says:

    Hi all.Im glad to read you are all getting somewhere, the atmosphere here today is really positive.I read claire weekes and it really helped me understand even more what was going on and it is a very positive book.I have had all the thoughts that you all mention and the constant checking in.I still,every morning wake up and check in an yes i have a feeling of nervesnous every morning ,it lingers around all day never getting worse or better but it doesnt matter.To be honest its only my habit of checking in first thing that makes me notice,sometimes during the day i dont even think about it its just there.Utter acceptance of everything is key whatever your body or mind is doing let it.Dont react and and be thinking ooh thats happening again just let it be.Its kind of like when you have a headache ,you know one of them that thumps the side of your head,you move about real slow and your holding your head so it doesnt hurt,imagine thats your anxiety,if you stop holding your head and taking care in case it bangs just stand up ,walk normal and let it thump like mad.Only with anxiety it doesnt get any worse it feels no worse than it does when you walk round taking care.As soon as i did this and found there was nothing there to be scared things started to improve quickly.I know what you mean about having things explained differently thats why i kept reading and re reading to try and find something i connected with. Keep on keepin on happy days all:)

  274. alyssa Says:

    Hi all i do that to im constantly checking myself and wondering if im ok. My anxiety seems to be the worst in the morning is it like that for anyone else? Also i just cant seem to shake off my fears, i dont know why they always are coming back to me some how and i dont know how to keep them away. im always asking myself questions in regards to my fear. example to i want to kill someone? and im always like no but why do i doubt myself so much, i hate it. I keep asking myself the same question over and over as if I think the answer is going to change. I love my family and dont ever want to be away from them and I love life when im not like this. can someone maybe explain to me why i am doing this or has anyone else experienced this please help :(

  275. alyssa Says:

    sorry to sound so negative i just cant understand myself. you guys have all helped me greatly so far! :)

  276. Carol R Says:


    A lot of you seem to get additional help with a book by claire weekes. Please can you tell me what the book is called. thanks. love to everyone.

  277. Nikki Says:

    Hi alyssa Dont worry i have felt and still do from time to time everything you feel now.Every morning i am a complete bag of nerves.I expect it,i cant do anything about it,it will go on its own so i dont worry about it.I also thought i was going to harm someone but not just anyone my own daughter who is only 8 so i know how that feels.Also i thought the anxiety would give me depression and i worried about this immenseley constantly checking my mood!I worried that the anxiety would get to much for me and i would end myself!!!Neither of these bad things have happened and neither will they,i had no reason to do any of these things before i had anxiety and there is no reason why i should want to now.It seems the thing you most fear in my case being taken away from my children is where your fears manifest themselves.The whole idea of anxiety is it is constant worry even when you have nothing to worry about the adrenalin release in your body makes your imagination overactive so you think all these horrible thoughts and nerves that are already shaky react to a thought and there you go because your body reacted (also known as fight or flight response) to the thought you think you want to do it!!That is why it is scary.When you 100% believe that this is what is happening to you (its all just anxiety manifesting itself) although you get these thoughts and feelings still, you will feel more comfortable with them.I truly know how scary this all is i was beside myself when i first came here but with the help and support i am doing brilliantly now.Hope this helps x

    Hi carol The book i got was called essential help for your nerves and it was a three in one book so i got all claire weekes books in one.I got mine from whsmith. x x

  278. alyssa Says:

    thanks nikki that helps me alot im starting to feel better about the thoughts now over the past few days. I tell myself all the time i dont want to i want to be good…but then i question myself well maybe i want to maybe im a bad person really and then i feel lost as if i dont know which one to believe but really i dont want too im just not confident ever it seems….i have all these reasons not too like you said before and i should have them still its very silly did you do that with your daughter-question yourself all the time about what you really thought? Thanks so much nikki you have helped me alot.

  279. Nikki Says:

    yes i questioned every thought and feeling reasoned them all out ,looked at them from different points of view,analized every last detail till my head ached.It was constant all day long.I also lost my confidence and didnt know who i was anymore.It has improved now 80%.I still have the thoughts come but they are more memories of thoughts,I still have feelings that feel strange but they are a shadow of what they were.I now know what happened i have been given brilliant advice.No matter how bad i got ,no matter how much i thought i carried on with life doing what i had to do,not wanting to but doing it anyway feeling scared the whole time.You are a good person really otherwise having those horrible thoughts would not bother you,thats really how we know we are stillnormal underneath all the anxiety because if we were’nt we wouldnt care that we were having such strange thoughts. x x

  280. Carol R Says:

    Thanks Nikki

    I will try and get that book. I have suffered the same thoughts as you and alyssa and still do to some extent. I question some horrible thoughts about how I feel about if people I loved died or what if I hurt or abused people. I know that they are just thoughts caused by anxiety, but they still bother me sometimes. But I find, the more I accept them, the less power they have over me. We will all get through this in time.

    Take care, everyone xx

  281. trez Says:

    Hi lotty,great that you understand were im coming from,you say this is your last symptom to go for you,thats the way i feel.It seems that i can cope alot better with the physical symptoms than i did a wile back,but this last hurdle is a tricky and very uncomfortable,it lays alot with your emotions.Its an up and down road to recovery.x

  282. candie Says:

    The checking in does go, i used to walk around thinking deeply about how i felt, id wake up and it would be the first thing i thought.. this went on for about 18 months. Once i started accepting properly, it was a matter of months and the checking went…. i didnt even notice it go, but i couldnt go shopping or wake up and not think about how i felt. In a setback it does come back, but thats to be expected as your preoccupied with symptoms again. Saying that when you get to the stage when its gone you rarely have set backs.

    Carol, the thought about people dyin is 100% normal and most people think it on a frequent basis, we wonder how we would feel and cope if our loved ones die. I have even wondered how i would live if anything was to happen to my baby boy, but its common in everyone to think about the unthinkable happening. Its not even an anxiety thought really, you may just have a stronger reaction to it because you have anxiety.

    Alysa, your tryin to get it right in your head… that is impossible. You know its not true, but cant prove it- so anxiety is giving yout confidence a good battering. I cant prove i wont do anything bad.. nobody can, as how do you prove you ‘WONT’ do something… the truth is you have proven it already, in the present moment as you have never done anything bad! You can not protect yourself from past tence thoughts in the future, its futile.. Can you see a person without anxiety cant prove they wont harm anyone either, they just dont have anxiety making them over react to the uncertaincy- anxiety doesnt like you to take chances and it doesnt like possibilities. Anxiety is coursing your brain to misfire so to speak… releasing adrenalin due to thoughts that arnt a real threat, so retrain your brain not to analyse them or try prove there wrong and things will clear.

  283. Lotty Says:

    Hi Candie, thanks very much for your comments on the “checking in” symptom, I suspected it would be around for a long time but confirmation from someone who has actually recovered means so much. Thanks. Much love to you and your baby boy. xx

    Trez, we’ll get there. I’ve noticed that when I’m feeling well the checking in fades in intensity but it never completely goes. Hope Candie has reassured you too. xx

    Lorryt, thanks very much for your words. I assure you, you are all just as much a help to me too. Not too sure how I’d feel about winning the lottery today, think I would be quite happy… 😉 xx

  284. louise Says:

    Hey everyone i sat and posted a long and heartfelt blog lastnight and when i pressed “submit”my computer gave out on me!!!!!!!I was raging,still i did feel somewhat better getting things of my chest,even though noone else got to read them!!Had a funny wee couple of days,im trying to quit the fags again so temperament has been all over the place!!Been 10 days fag free!!!Really want to quit for good this time,i always notice a lessening in my anxiety symptoms further down the non smoking line,i can breathe so much easier and can control my breathing much better in anxious situations,so wish me luck!!Noticed in the blogs a lot of people still questioning their symptoms,im no expert,but speaking through experiance-this gets you nowere,as ive said before i got myself well on the way to recovery when i stopped looking for answers to various “problems” put everything under the same umbrella and got on with living,obviously getting in this frame of mind takes time and patience but i believe once you are there you are truly ACCEPTING.I used to come on here and ask all sorts and yes it helped to offload but somewhere down the line i realised that this constant need for reassurance that my symptoms where “only anxiety” was certainly not me accepting-reading into thoughts etc etc gives them room to grow and grow they will!!Then fear kicks in and the thoughts stick,unpleasant aknow!!Question none of it get on with living life is short and waste no more of your lifes living in fear.My new attitude goes like this” i am what i am and i deserve to be happy i love life dont want to live in fear-ill do what i like go where i like and if im anxious then so be it ill take it with me cause nothing is going to get in the way anymore of me LIVING MY LIFE “xx

  285. Lotty Says:

    Hi Louise,
    Great advice, my sister once showed my a quote, don’t know who by: “A LIFE LIVED IN FEAR IS A LIFE HALF LIVED”. The closer I get to my recovery, the more I realise its truth. You realise you haven’t just been living in fear during this particularly anxious time we are all experiencing, but there have been elements of this attitude for your entire life. And once you realise this, you can change it. That’s what we’re doing. xxx

  286. Nikki Says:

    Hi louise,
    I totally agree,i also came to the conclusion that i just had to get on with it.I may have anxiety for a while before i m finally recovered and i wasnt wasting any more time on it.It certainly helps when you reach this point and you have all the answers.Dont get me wrong i still have some rubbish days but how i feel is not important any more.

    Well done you on the fags!I gave up about five years ago,I used to social smoke for a while,if i went out, but i have been given up for so long now if i tried a cigarette i will just cough like its my first ever lol.A tip that helped me was to fill an ashtray with water when it still had some ash in it and whenever i fancied a fag i would have a smell of that water! God its awfull any way good luck with everything x x

  287. Shirley D Says:

    I haven’t been on here for quite some time which goes to prove the point that you can suffer anxiety big time and get over it. I haven’t felt the need to log on to here for so long that I have even forgotten that I once had anxiety.
    I, like a lot of people am suffering stressful things going on in my life at the moment, whereas once I would have let the anxiety feelings wash over me, i have learnt to master the rising above of these feelings. Please don’t ask me how – just a case of mind over matter. I learnt after I recovered that you can’t change a thing by worrying. i have learnt that taking some small risks in life isn’t going to kill you, as long as those risks aren’t too overwhelming to be able to cope with, so things such as holidays are low rate risk factors. Life is to be enjoyed and each day that passes with the worry of anxiety is another day lost.
    we must start with the fact that we have got out health, this is something to be celebrated, each morning that we wake up to sunshine should be celebrated as another blessing in our lives, peoples smiles and friendship count for so much, try to make these a focus of you lives, small simple things.
    I have been through the full blown anxiety thing and my life hasn’t moved on a great deal as far as stresses are concerned but my attitude has altered to one of ‘so what’ rather than ‘what if’.

  288. alyssa Says:

    Candie, Carol, and Nikki thank you so much for the advice today has been really good and so was yesterday. I feel as if i finally accepted that it was and is anxiety and i feel so much better. And its like something must clicked in my head, the obsessing and analyzing is all related to anxiety, and after i had that “thank God” moment i felt so much better. Its like the whole time i had those thoughts it wasnt the real me it was just my anxiety. I still have the thoughts but they are much easier to blow off now. I finally have had a little taste of life back and i needed it so bad and i loved it. :) i see what you finally mean nikki when you say when you believe it 100% thats its just anxiety, the thoughts and anxiety will lose power and this is true…which also lets me know even further that is anxiety. Thank you so much guys….take care alyssa

  289. lorryt Says:

    hi shirley ,

    nice to hear from someone who has recovered. it is about your change in attitude, but it comes and goes so quickly.i know it will return and im sure it will stay for longer thsi time . my mind currently is jumping from one worry to another and i am tuning in on every little acheand pain my body experiences and its “ohh what if i have this” or “what if i have that”. im not gonna fall into the trap of going to the docs and getting everythng checked out. some oen said on here about lettign things build up in your brain and i ithnk thats what i am doing getting a thought and letting it build and build and build until to me it becomes real. just have to keep practising acceptance again and attitude change.


  290. Shirley D Says:

    I know that you have been going a long time with this, you were on here when I first appeared on the scene.
    You are worrying about things that are going to happen in the future – or things that you think are going to happen in the future. I know at the height of my anxiety, there was nothing that anyone could say that would help me, it is you yourself that has to try to conquer your own fears.
    Like I said above, worrying never got anybody anywhere but try to make positive things alongside the negative things which will in turn become more positive feelings. Distraction is the main feature that you need, don’t sit wallowing, get out and about, do things. Take up a new interest.

  291. lorryt Says:

    hi shirley

    i have got back into my life again, it was initially about 2 years ago that it all hit rock bottom, so i have come along way in only about 15 months since i have been here, physical effects i can handle , just the thoughts that are lingering. i have never done as much as i am doing now, feel sso much better than i ever did , but i guess i have always been of a nervous nature. it gets worse when im not at work. something to focue my mind i guess, although my holiday was nice, there is always something hanging around in the background to fog my head. maybe i need to step back again here, bad habit and try and involve my head elsewhere!. sort oflost it again ! thanks shirley

  292. Shirley D Says:

    I know for a long time, I held on to my anxiety like a protection blanket, just couldn’t let it go, then one day I got really angry about it messing up my life and that was the start on the road to recovery. Now, as I say I hardly give the anxiety any thought at all because I know how destructive it can be. you are right, if you are of a nervous disposition your natural way of life is worry, but it’s just keeping the cap on it, keeping the worry levels as low as you can, you can’t worry them away.

  293. Nikki Says:

    Hi all,

    Its nice to hear you are doing well shirley i can remember your posts from when i first started coming on the site.
    I am having a bit of a worry day today.I have been having health problems since last november i keep getting really severe pain in lower right side which has now spread to left side as well,followed by feelings of infection which clears up with anti-biotics.It has got alot worse and i have uncomfortable feelings in my stomach all the time now.I have had some scans which has shown nothing and now referred to gynae.I have to have laproscopy and god i am so nervous about it.I have horrible thought i have cancer even though i 100%know it isnt!!!I know i dont because of all the blood tests and scans its just an anxiety thing and i did for a while keep trying to reason it out.( also my dad died of cancer earlier this year when my anxiety was at its worst)I know this is the wrong thing to do so i have stopped and moved away from that analising.I think its just the not knowing what is wrong,i could deal with it if i new what it was.I would be a bit worried about this if i didnt have anxiety but with it it just seems like a really big problem.Sorry i know this probably isnt the right place to moan about this as no-one really can help its just nice that you all understand i am notbeing neurotic its just anxiety making it all seem more important than it is.Thanks x

  294. lorryt Says:


    can relate, i lost my mum to breast cancer 10 years ago ,a nd about 2 years ago i started with severe pain , got myself into such a state about it, it turned out not to be cancer but i got myself in a pickle about stuff.i had written myself off and had myself dead and buried. i panic about silly stuff, but health you are bound ot be concerned just leave it at that. we have one of the best health systems around so you willl get it sorted. shirley, im sooo much better than i was, just feel i need to break through and say sod it imnot letting it take over mty head any more. some days i can do it no worries!

  295. Nikki Says:


    I know we all get stressed by these sort of things and to be honest its been going on for ages and i havent got this stressed by it before, also when i relax and calm myself i am convinced its a hormone thing or infection.My doctor has told me several times it is nothing serious.It really is just anxiety making it look bigger than it is.I think also because i have stopped being concerned about anxiety this has become my new poblem.I dont think it is so much not worrying about a specific thing any more as when this ‘problem’ is resolved i will find something else to latch on to, i know i need to chill out about everything and let things go.I know worrying about it is futile no amount of worrying by me is going to change anything so let it be.Its an attitude im learning to adopt iv managed to practise it and i am very good at ‘aah whatever’ with anxiety i just need to approach everything that way . x

  296. lorryt Says:

    how true.,think i need lessons as getting stressed about too much lately! ahh whatever sounds cool wish it would be like taht all the time,losng faith today!.xx

  297. louise Says:

    Nikki thanx for the “good luck”Was at a wee social gathering today around lots of smokers and wasnt even TEMPTED!!!YEY ME !!Talk soon xxx

  298. lorryt Says:

    havent felt this bad for a long time, doesnt help that my partner had a bad day yesterday too, difference is i dont get angry and rant and rave. that upsets me and puts me on edge, spent most of the night not sleeping and getting caught up in my thoughts .scared myself half to death and got upset. i know the anxiety makes it ten times worse but i really dont think i am gonna fully recover. it seems so fa rout of reach at this point, cant seem to get my head round it any more.i am trying to keep calm and be patient but its wearing abit thin. oinwards and upwardsxxxxxx

    well done louise!xx

  299. Nikki Says:

    Hi lorryt

    I know it can get on top of you sometimes and i know that if the only ‘problem’ people had in life was to be patient and wait for the anxiety to go,we would all get right quicker.Unfortunately life is not like that and there is always something sent to try us no matter how large or small and anxiety can make every one of these problems seem huge.The only thing i seem to need is optimism.If you can see bright side in everything it helps.You know all these things are made worse by your anxiety and things really are’nt that bad take solace in knowing this.You will recover but dont try to hard, if you feel you need to cry then cry go with every feeling.I am the last to tell you to have patience i have none but this is giving me time to practise it.It seems you have had a bad day but made it worse by reacting to your day.If you were not suffering anxiety you would still have had a bad day but would not have wondered why.I know how it is when the bloke has a bad day it can cast an atmosphere over you too,i have learned to switch off to my bloke now if he wants to have bad day i let him and go out the way till he’s over it.I refuse to let other peoples mood dictate how i am feeling,I cant control my anxiety but i can control my own outlook.Give in to it lorry i promise it wont hurt you.Take care hope today is better.We are all here when you need us x x

  300. Patrick Says:

    Hi all, Just popped in and noticed a lot of people have been reading Claire Weekes. I got this last week and although I haven’t finished reading it, it has made me realise that although I thought I was “accepting” I really wasn’t which explains why I haven’t really got anywhere! What I have been doing is “coping”. This reminds me of when I started losing my hair in my late teens which was pretty devastating at the time. I was single at the time and thought I would never get another girl again! Mum used to tell me it didn’t matter and just accept it etc, and for a while I told myself this, ie. little sayings I used to tell myself mentally to “cope” with baldness, like “it doesn’t matter”, “accept it”. Eventually though, I met a girl who is now my wife nearly 20 years later, and the baldness thing ceased to be an issue. It truly “did not matter”. I didn’t have to tell myself this every day and I got to the point where I never thought about it anymore and even now it does not bother me in the slightest.

    I’m still at the stage in anxiety where I am having to mentally cope with it – this is not accepting and this is why I have not made a great deal of progress I think. I still manage to go to work and do all the things I used to do but it still “matters” to me that I have anxiety 24/7!! When it “does not matter” I will have accepted and finally move forward I’m sure. Unfortunately nobody can do this for me or any of us – Paul can advise and we can gain support from the blog comments but we each have to find a way to accept. Some people get it quickly, others obviously struggle and I seem to be struggling! I understand acceptance now, but still there seems a huge chasm between understanding and “actual” acceptance. But understanding has now given me a small glimmer of hope . . .

  301. Nikki Says:

    Hi patrick
    I totally agree.At least if you understand from your own experience what accepting is you are half way there.Its a veryhard thing to describe as its more an attitude of mind.Good luck

  302. lorryt Says:


    and boy do i need you today !, i dont understand the bit about letting others peoples moods dictate how you feel. its horrid today !! never mind xx

  303. Patrick Says:

    Hi, it seems that when I gain a new level of understanding first I feel elated and positive and then sink to new depths! Like realising what acceptance is, feeling like the penny has dropped, I mean I truly understand what acceptance means, but now feel fearful that I can’t or won’t be able to “get there”. Maybe I’m not strong enough to not care about the symptoms ? I know these are just anxiety fueled thoughts and just give them space but try not to react.

    My biggest problem seems to be that 24/7 I think about anxiety. I don’t mean my day is filled with anxiety “what if’s?”, most of my progress has been to realise how to deal with these “what if’s”, they don’t crop up much anymore. But even on my better days, I can be doing anything (and my life is pretty full to be honest) – but the thoughts about anxiety or how I feel are always there to some extent. People say, “focus on the task” not on anxiety or how you feel – I just don’t seem to be able to do that. My wife says try and think of something else. To be honest this confuses me the most – people advise not to “try” to do anything – but surely I should try not to think about anxiety ? In the past six months or so since this started, I have spent the first 3 months trying not to think about it after being advised this was the “right thing to do”, then found this website and for the past 3 months have not made any effort not to think about it. No difference. Still think about it 24/7!! I was advised that I was still thinking about it because I had not distracted my mind enough – try another activity and see if that works! Spent 3 months doing that and just got worse and worse.

    Like many others, I had trouble sleeping at the start of all this, in fact that was my main cause of anxiety to begin with – what if I never sleep again ? etc etc. After about 6 weeks though, I just thought so what and sleep came back again!

    But as to the thoughts ? I have fleeting moments when I realise I haven’t thought about it for like, 5 minutes. But no matter what I do – cooking, cleaning, working, gardening, DIY, driving, reading, watching tv etc. It’s there. I am at a loss as to this symptom if that’s what you can call it ? People before have advised to focus on “something else”, get a new hobby etc. Is this another “so what?” situation – ie. so what if I think about it all the time ? Nikki, I think you said you go out with friends etc and don’t think about it at all ? Has that come over time, did you ever think about it 24 / 7 ??

    The physical side of things – aches, feeling weak, tension etc – I can ignore – I know what they are caused by so don’t focus on them – but no matter what – my thoughts are stuck on anxiety related things (not “what ifs” but memories / things people have said to me etc just goes round and round in my head all the time – and this does bother me- I am so so sick of thinking about it!!!!

  304. Shirley D Says:

    Safety blanket, stabilisers on a bike.
    I use these two as examples because as we grew up and wanted to learn to ride bikes – we needed stabilisers, what did we feel like when those stabilisers were taken away – ‘oh I can’t do this’ , we wobbled, then as we became more confident we were upright on our bike and we didn’t wobble and then we forgot that we had stabilisers.
    It’s a bit like the one eye open syndrome in case you fall asleep at a crucial moment, you just keep the other eye open to stop you falling asleep but in the end you have to give in.
    Safety blanket: I spoke about this earlier, for ages, I was afraid to cast aside the safety blanket of anxiety because even though it was horrible it was real and it kept your mind on something.
    Once I started to leave the safety blanket at home, it got better and better until I didn’t need it any more. It wasn’t overnight, like a cold for several days you feel rough but as the symptoms get better you feel better. Hope i’m not talking rubbish but it how I see all the above posts.
    You have to focus on what’s real and let go of what’s not real.
    Real is the washing up, hoovering, puzzle doing, walking, talking, not real are the feelings anxiety give you. they can all be put right by putting your full concentration on the real.
    It takes paractice but can be achieved.

  305. Nikki Says:

    Hi patrick

    YES i thought about it 24/7 it consumed and even when i had all the answers to every symptom i still thought about it.I would think about different ways of coping more positive ways to deal with it all sorts of stuff but all to do with the subject of anxiety.I would have a conversation and all the time there was a self awareness at the back of my mind because i was obviously aware of how i felt so that in itself reminded me.As soon as i had left the conversation/situation i was in it was back.What did i do for it to go? i recognised that thats just how i was going to think for a while but dont worry because it will like all the other symptoms pass.I didnt try to stop doing it.I didnt try to fight doing it.There are still days when i am having a really bad nerves day where i do think about it all day but so what its not hurting me to think about it,it doesnt take any focus away from what i am doing watching a film ,cooking the tea etcAll the daily tasks still get done as well as they would if i totally focused on it.If i needed money i would spend all day thinking about how i would earn it.I wouldnt worry that i had pondered this subject all day.Do you see the difference you are worried because you are thinking about anxiety,you dont need to try to stop the symptoms any of them you need to stop worrying about them.Anxiety is worrying.Over reacting to problems finding problems and then worrying and analizing.If you let it be there it will go.Promise.

    Hi lorryt what i meant was i can get on edge if someone else is in abad mood or feeling a bit low and then that can make me feel a bit nervous.Thats all i used to do it all the time.Tomorow could be the best day ever.x x

  306. lorryt Says:

    Sorry Nikki, thats excatly how i feel. hubby gets ratty and i get it in the neck no matter what i say i can do nothing right, so i shall just try and rise above it !. unless im busy 24/7 my mind is filled with anxious thoughts, but then i get so tired and worn ou it just gets worse. i hAVE TO FIND HAPPY medium, hard i guess, and stop worrying and over analyzing and toughen up ! bit of a long list for a monday morning.and be gentle with myself.goota go rabbling and thinking too much !! thanks nikkixx. feels good to get back to work focus my mind more have a good day all xx

  307. Patrick Says:

    Thanks Nikki, you are right, I have been worried about the constant thinking. When I was doing another method before finding this website, they constantly told me unless I stop thinking about it, it will never go so the worry about constant thinking and the worry that it will never go are the exact things which have kept me in the cycle!!

    I realise now I have actually had anxiety episodes all my life, I was speaking to my mum about it ages ago and she said she has only ever had a slight flutter in the stomach, but for me, it has always been that, plus a whole host of other things! I used to feel ill getting up early to travel to the airport for holidays – now I realise that was anxiety. I used to feel ill for a period of time when I was at school, ill when I split up with a girlfriend etc. All anxiety, I realise now.

    The difference was that I never really focused on it as I was so used to it, and it always passed by midday, and didn’t bother me at all most of the time. I certainly never found the need to go searching for a “cure”. More recently though, have had some tough issues to deal with and suffered more than usual and for whatever reason found a “quick fix – banish anxiety within 2 weeks etc etc etc” website and was impressed by it. Unfortunately however, this just made my anxiety worse because where before I had already found a way to live with it (accept it), this quick fix actually served to increase my fears and create fear where none existed before! I know I need not waste time on “if onlys” and “regrets” but boy do I regret ever trying to find a fix to a problem that I didn’t really have!!

    The point I am trying to make is that yes, I think my anxiety response has always been pretty extreme but I had accepted this and therefore lived without it causing a major problem. I don’t think I can change my anxiety response to a given situation, but yes I have the power to change how I react to it. I never feared it for 30 years so hopefully I can learn not to fear it again!

  308. Lotty Says:

    Hi Patrick,
    Really liked your comments on “accepting” as opposed to “coping”. It really hit the nail on the head, as its what I feel I’m stuck on at the moment too. And I know you understand that it’s easier said than done considering the comments you posted soon after!! I know we have to get used to the thoughts and feelings without letting fear creep in. Just have to let more time pass. xx
    Nikki and Lorryt, thinking of you as I’m in a setback too. As Nikki says, we are all here for each other; and that’s a comforting thought. xx

  309. Nikki Says:

    H i all.I know this is not the place for personal problems but i thought maybe you guys might understand.I have had undiagnosed health problem for about 10 months now and i just found out today its going to be another 5 weeks before next procedure (which may or may not show anything).Meanwhile i am still here in discomfort not knowing what on earth is wrong.I have been trying to diagnose myself by way of google (that is the bit i thought you might relate to) I have tried to get earlier appointment phoned private health clinics( when im qualified iam working in the private sector! The prices!)Basically spent all morning on it and feel really stressed as i have got nowhere.This seems to be the story of my life at the moment!!Really brassed off!! Anyone know a good gynae???

  310. Patrick Says:

    Seems that I have had a few revelations of late which hopefully will help in the long run. Been pretty down of late and the realisation that I have just been coping hasn’t helped (yet), when I thought I was accepting. But in Claire Weekes book, she does say that there is “no point of no return”. ie. No matter how bad it was, or is, recovery will still happen. That gives me hope. She says even “trying” to accept is a start on the road to recovery.

    I know people advise not to try to do anything, but I think you have to try to accept, well more accurately, try to understand acceptance – as how can you accept if you do not fully understand what that means! I thought I was accepting – just going about my daily business with constant feelings of anxiety and wondering why nothing was changing much. Well because of course, I was monitoring all the time, questioning all the time etc. Still am! And as Paul says, do not treat anxiety as the enemy. No, treat impatience as the enemy. Recovery is a process, not a switch. I do feel the penny has dropped in terms of understanding with me. It has taken time but now I am feeling a lot of fear and apprehension, along with doubt and a lack of faith etc. I am feeling pretty awful right now, my worst for months but sure I will bounce back!

  311. Nikki Says:

    Hi patrick

    Something i have noticed that may help you feel a bit better is that all through having this anxiety i have had all the symptoms everyone else has had.when paul said that recovery comes from within i felt a bit pressured because i had to recover myself i didnt want the effort i just wanted a tablet to make it go away.I would worry i couldnt do the right thing am i doing this right or should i do that.It seems to me i have been through all of these processes and recovery is happening despite me.I am not making it happen I just go about my day it just happens on its own i cannot force anything one way or another or at least i have been given enough answers that i now know its all just anxiety and it will leave at sometime.I came to the conclusion a while ago that i cannot wait until i feel better to take part i have to do it now however uncomfortable it may seem.It is just a feeling you are hiding from it is not even a real feeling its a false sense of unease.Was i going to let a false sense of unease stop me from continuing with my nursing career?Was it going to stop me from meeting friends? NO WAY.I havent time enough to wait so i got on with it all of it.I know when i wake up tommorow morning i will feel unnerved and uneasy and horrendously tired.I will still check to see if i feel that way even though i know i will. The difference now is i dont worry about feeling that anymore i dont spend all day pondering it.I will feel rubbish and one day i will wake up and not check and not think am i feeling rubbish it will pass because its not important anymore.Other things will take priority in my thoughts and all this will go.It may be months or this time next year but it will go.I know that although my attitude has changed these things will not go overnight i have stopped careing but that wont stop my anxiety from keep checking in on the off chance its a habit i have got into.Lifes routines change but only ever so slowly seasons change but bit by bit.I can remember a few years back when my kids were a bit younger the routine in the house was completely different but slowly it changed they were staying up that bit later and playing just a bit further from the house.I have on my sons bedroom door a growth chart for both of them and the difference in height from one jan 1st to another is huge.This is what i am saying i dont notice these little differences on a daily basis and i couldnt if i tried you wouldnt be able to mark growth by the week or month,that is what i mean by accepting its almost a case of accepting you cant do anything about it.You cannot solve this problem it is not for fixing.When i realised this i felt better i had no pressure then i didnt have to make me better that was my bodies job i had to carry on as normal and let the body do it itself.Do you see the difference it does come from within but not mentally within.Hope this other angle helps.

  312. Shirley D Says:

    Sorry to come up with one of my analogies again.

    Anxiety and learning to cope/accept, it is like the long jump (as we are in to the athletics season). The first jump you take is going to be a short one, continue to practice and the jump is going to get longer.
    Same with anxiety, as the gap gets wider between episodes the more confident you will feel at taking the longer stride.

  313. Nikki Says:

    Hi shirley
    Good analogy.I do that alot too lol.I must say though i dont have episodes or even days of no nerves any more.I think i thought i was having normal days but i was just having better days.I have constant feeling of unease all the time.If i am busy i dont really notice ,I dont mind it if i do.I have never experienced not having anxiety (well not since it started).I tell you what i do do though.I put every feeling that i dont like down to anxiety,which although i think perhaps you shouldnt is sort of good as well because i have got so good at allowing and relaxing into my feelings that every negative feeling gets an oh nice! and i let myself relax and not get stressed.I have definately noticed a massive change in my attitude which has had a massive effect on my ability to relax i have not been able to for so long.Its almost like i dont care anymore what i think or how i feel it really doesnt bother me anymore (this new thinking has been around since mid july and i have seen a difference if only in my stress levels).I am not scared of feeling rubbish i expect it.I do look forward to the day that this has gone but i have asked so many people how long it has taken them to recover just for information ,that people take it the wrong way and say im not accepting because i asked the question.Anyway have a nice evening x x

  314. Shirley D Says:

    You can’t put a time scale on it, that’s just putting pressure on yourself, recovering from a cold might take some people longer than others, some people’s bones take longer to mend than other’s. I just found that the less I thought about the anxiety the longer the time stretched between episodes until I never thought about it at all – now it is just a dim and distant memory.
    You have to have that strength to get there though, each individual is different, so never set yourself a target date/time to be better.

  315. Patrick Says:

    Shirley, like Nikki, I have constant feeling of anxiety. I wouldn’t say I have “episodes”. I just feel dull anxiety all the time, worse in a morning and “almost” wears off by the days end and I sleep fine, then same again next day. I don’t think I worry too much about it, although it’s constantly on my mind. I also have bad days, and, well “better” days. I haven’t had an anxiety free day since January – it’s just constant 24 / 7. Most times it’s in the background and I never let it stop me doing anything, never have even though concentration levels waver – I do all the things I used to do, meet friends, read books, watch films, cook, garden, go on holiday etc just all with dull anxiety going on. I don’t feel like I focus on it too much, and I don’t think I worry too much about it, yet still it persists.

    People have said to me before, the gaps between the bad days get bigger and bigger until eventually all days are good, well I would not say I have had a good day (which I presume means free of anxiety ?). People say get a hobby, distract your mind etc but I have not given up any of my activities so not sure how this would help ?? I don’t mean to come across as negative, I’m sure I do, but it’s hard to think I am not “doing something wrong” when people describe recovery and it sounds nothing like my “struggle” and I have not experienced a good day yet after 6 months of dull anxiety!!

  316. Shirley D Says:

    I suffered for six months. When I read the above posts, so many of them take me back to those really dark days. I don’t want to dictate to anybody about what you should and shouldn’t be feeling, when I read about DP, I never suffered from that (I don’t think) so cannot comment on DP but i relate to the thoughts creeping in, the lack of sleep, the excessive worry, the frustration because I was always a very organised and secure person.
    When the anxiety takes over it knocks you for six, but I just come on here from time to time to try to reassure people that you can recover.
    At the moment I find myself clenching my jaw and teeth together, it has to be a form of anxiety because there is a lot going on in my life at the moment too but I have been lucky enough to not be feeling those depths of despair.
    One of the main things is that you are not losing sleep over it, so that’s one great leap in the right direction.
    I remember when my daughter was born, the beauty of it all and seeing her sleeping in that transparent cot, I couldn’t sleep for days and even though I would start to nod off I would then have one eye open making sure that this miracle wasn’t going to dissapear.
    Above you said, I don’t think I worry about it too much, though it’s constantly on my mind, this is the same comparison, just keeping the one eye open and focused on the anxiety, making sure it doesn’t go away, making sure it’s still there.
    On the first few days that I noticed that I was anxiety free, it was like I was having to check in my handbag just to see if it had gone there and was hiding, it was the strangest feeling – being without this thing that had made my life a misery for months, like the little devil sat on your shoulder, waiting to poke you! As i got over that situation of constantly looking for it the gaps became wider and I suppose within a fortnight I was better. The fact that my confidence returned was the greatest turning point, i’m not sure what would have happened if things hadn’t have turned positive for me – but not everything turned positive I still hung on to the negative things and still am today. Still waiting for the end of what started it all in the first place. (Impending divorce) But i’m able to handle it better some how. and have vowed that I will never go down so low ever again.

  317. candie Says:

    Patrick, nikki.. this was me too. Infact i wouldnt say a day goes by when i dont have some form of anxiety. However over time it has got less and less, and besides setbacks which are about 3 months apart usually now i rarely think about my anxiety and dwell on it.

    What we have to remember is anxiety is a normal emotion to have, except we have it in excess as our bodies are over producing adrenalin causing us to over react to ourselfs. No one person on this earth is worry free, dont monitor your day and put every negative feeling or thought down to anxiety.. it is normal to have pangs of anxiety as part of everyday life… however we didnt focus on them before thats all, they where never a threat. These days however we are on alert at the slightest pang of anxiety as our focus for life hasnt quite took over. So yes, anxiety will be part of every day at some level right till you recover, and when you have recovered you will not be thinking about thinking or feelings so you wont be on alert and painting every feeling as a possible threat. I suppose you could see we learn to let go of stresses and natural anxieties, so we are immune to ever suffering again. People who get anxiety again years down the line never allowed themself to feel, they probably switched focus for one reason or another and sort of became ticking time bombs! So dont feelin like anxiety is an affliction on the rest of your life because of the horror stories you hear of it been life long, how can you possibly get ill again if you no longer react to yourself in a negative way?

    ok, enough waffling on from me- just want everyone to know anxiety isnt an affliction thats chooses you and your the unlucky one- we got ourselfs here even if we wasnt responsible for the stress we was under, we can now control how we react and ammend our reactions over time until we have the correct reaction habbitually ingrained and never suffer again!

  318. candie Says:

    Just to add… the above is not to say that nikki isnt right in accepting everything as unimportant and not a threat, although she is prob putting the blame of a few normal feelings of anxiety on the anxiety disorder itself… she is still dismissing them one way or another- therefore not stimulating the anxious mind!

  319. Nicola Says:

    hi there,

    I guess you could call me a lurker – I injoy reading the posts on here so very much. I just felt like I had to make a comment about what Nikki and Patrick were talking about – the constant feeling of unease (I think I’m at this stage myself most of the time). Remember Paul said something about this in his book (p. 103 – 2nd edition) and he called it ‘still feeling apprehensive’ – feeling like something bad is going to happen all the time – he eventually saw it a just another step towards recovery and allowed it to be there – in time it faded..

    Does that sound right Patrick…looks like you are nearly there then?? Just accept that this is just another part of the whole anxiety journey and know in the back of your mind that it will one day be gone (if you dont place any significance on it).

    Thanks everyone for all the support xxx


  320. mac Says:

    hey everyone, how do u concentrate on something when the whole time your trying to concentrate, your eyes and mind jsut feel like they are looking at yourself the whole time, i try to move on but the next minute i look at myself and monitor my thinking and feelings that i get stuck again and then worry, at what point do u say thats enough and move on and dont worry if your looking at yourself?

  321. Nikki Says:

    Hi candie

    What you added in your last post is spot on.I do just claim nearly all negative emotion as anxiety.What i mean by that is that i am quite likely responding as i normally would but anxiety exagerates the feeling.Without anxiety i have a habit of over reacting and being quite highly strung emotionally so what i am trying to do is learn a bit more self control and relax more not just because of the anxiety but for me personally, hope you follow I feel that i am at a place now where i am fully focused on life, I dont question any feelings as i say i just have a nervous uneasy feeling everyday somedays are stronger than others.This is the only reason i think about anxiety because i am aware of the feeling if it was’nt there i wouldnt give it a second thought.I have had days where i havent had these feelings and anxiety never crossed my mind.I wouldnt mind having the feeling and not the awarness but it does’nt work like that lol,I can see how things will pan out.Gradually these feelings of unease will lessen and the awareness will lessen eventually it will go and i will one day just be reminded that ‘gosh havent noticed that for a while’ and voila you have recovered.I dont expect not to feel anything ever again i just expect not to be aware of how i feel all day.That would be good enough.To be honest i dont care for the subject anymore, I only log on now in case i can offer someone else abit of advice,or even just to say i had that its gone now can help someone feeling rubbish,it certainly helped and gave me comfort.There are no questions for me to ask.Its just nice to come here and maybe say gosh im tired of this how are you all doing? and give some support.Also i only really post how i am doing because i know alot of people come here to just read the posts and if someone can relate to what i am going through and it is helping them then i feel i my own progress might help them.Anyway i hope you are ok and baby is fine .Take care x x

  322. lorryt Says:

    guess i shouldnt be on here really as i need to step back and gain my own confidence as thats the only way i am gonna do it. unlike nikki i feel that i dont want to feel anything like this ever again, it has taken me long enough to get this far i know its a journey but one im tired of and really want to forget that im travelling it. going back to nikkis first post on this month i want to live not think about living all the time. exactly hits teh nail on the head for me. need to go back to one day at a time reALLY and not look too far ahead. im rabbling again. i ithnk i can relate to most hings on how people are feeling, and i truly understand and want to help and i just need to sort my life out first 1..xx ta for allte advice xxxxxxxx

  323. Patrick Says:

    Hi, Shirley – I said to my wife the other week, that it is like I’m holding onto something and don’t know how to let go – that is like what you say about keeping one eye on it all the time. Thinking about it 24/7 has become the habit / obsession. I have always reacted badly when anxious all my life but it has never become an obsession, as soon as the physical symtoms wore off, I got on with my day and never thought about it at all.

    And Candie, yes, I think a lot of people with an anxiety disorder relate every single feeling / thought to it. I realised a while ago I was doing this and am now able to distinguish between what is caused by the disorder and what I would be feeling anyway! Certainly helped me get things in perspective.

    And also, trying to rid oneself of “anxiety” is futile – anxiety is a perfectly natural function of the body. It’s a bit like having a bad nights sleep and then saying I never want to sleep again. There is a huge distinction between anxiety and an “anxiety disorder”. You cannot rid yourself of anxiety, but you can recover from the disorder.

    And Nikki, I too have that general feeling of apprehension all day. I find mornings I generally feel terrible, but it wears off 99% of the time and the rest of the day, I just get on with but I am aware of this feeling of nervousness / apprehension, a bit like I am holding onto “something”, sometimes I wake in the night and lie for a few moments and then suddenly remember I have an anxiety disorder!! Those few moments are the only time I feel 100% normal!!

    I also come on the blog and hope that something I may post can help somebody. I have no idea when I will be “recovered”, don’t think about “recovery” anymore, but I kind of feel my understanding is very good now – I don’t feel I am obsessively looking for a “solution” anymore like I was 3 months ago. I have never had any NHS help or medication for this so this blog is therapy to me!

  324. Patrick Says:

    Mac, I could not concentrate on anything 3 or 4 months ago, the thing to remember with pretty much everything anxiety related is that “time” is the only thing that will make things better. I did not understand this advice at first but don’t worry that you cannot concentrate and that you think about how you feel all the time.

    Do what you have to do, if you can’t concentrate, so be it. Do it anyway. The lack of concentration is not really the problem here, it is the fact that you worry about it. I’m sure before you suffered with anxiety you had times when you couldn’t concentrate, I know I did. Did you worry about it ? No.

    I am sure you will quickly realise that your concentration levels improve with time. Mine certainly did. Maybe only a bit at first, but just let time pass and carry on. Don’t think you have failed because you cannot concentrate “now”.

    Hope that helps a bit.

  325. Nikki Says:

    Hi all.

    It seems to me its not being rid of feeling anxiety that is the state of recovery but not being aware or thinking about it.When you have stopped thinking about it then that is when you have recovered.Personally recovery is not that big an issue with me as far as being rid of unwelcome feelings its more the awareness of feeling odd i would like to be over that.I have a friend who, a few years ago was diagnosed with depression and given medication.She didnt take it.She wanted to recover by herself.She thought that it had’nt happened over night so she wanted to let her body rebalance itself.She has told me of the real depths she has been to whilst recovering and believe me she suffered way more than any bad anxiety day i have ever had.She is and has been recovered now for at least three years.She says she doesnt ever think about her bad time unless the subject comes up.Things got slowly better day by day for her.She got on with her life.Today i was watching a program (dr who actually) and i had a huge big panic attack iv not had one in ages( i dont suffer them as a rule but i was so engrossed i love david tennant lol)you know i was’nt bothered at all and no sooner had it started it went a weirdness followed but i knew what it was and as quick as it came it went i didnt think about again until writing now.I dont need any help with this now i am my own councillor.I feel my next step now is to move away from the blog and the subject as i said earlier today i am bored of the subject i am bored of having anxiety so im moving on.I thank you all for your help and support candie scarlett and everyone else,but i feel strong enough and i have enough answers that i dont need to be here anymore even on a bad day. I will come back but i want a break.Good luck all happy days x x

  326. Shirley D Says:

    Nikki, I hope i catch you before you go! Yes, that was another way I recovered – by not coming on here and reading others experiences and in the end it just goes to show that it is you and you alone that can find that proper road to recovery.
    Come back at a later date though and give us an update and always remember that we are here if you need us.

  327. Mary Says:

    I just recently found this site and just finished your book Paul although I plan to reread it again slowly. I’ve suffered on and off with irrational thoughts, anxiety and episodes of derealization/ depersonalization most of my life. It’s odd, I can actually remember the episodes and I remember feeling better but at the same time I’m remembering these things right now a part of my mind is ‘out there’ somewhere. It’s just so well- I”m sure you know. I have used the ‘well just go with it there’s nothing I can do about it” in the past and usually it did help. I would literally (and often still do) say things to myself like – well if it’s not me- it’s the only ME I have so.. or if none of this is happening, I might as well go along with it since I can’t change it. I tend to be someone who rationalizes things and I think I also developed the art of introspection because I spent most of my high school years in bed with a tutor because of a bone infection and then in my 20s every 3 months I’d be in the hospital for six week periods. You get used to spending a lot of time ‘thinking”. What is so strange to me is I can function normally like this- I work, chat with friends on the phone etc and I can think fairly clearly but there is always a ‘part of me’ lately that is just not quite there or is constantly thinking – maybe this isn’t really happening, maybe I’m not me- then another part of me refutes that saying – well who else would it be- then it becomes well what does being ‘me’ mean anyway- and on and on. You would think in this constant state I couldnt enjoy a book or a movie but I can- the only problem is even while enjoying it I can’t totally quiet the voice in my mind. I feel lately as if I almost CAN’T let go of this way of feeling now- as if when I am really enjoying myself I have to somehow make sure I bring it back by thinking – but maybe it’s not really happening. I ‘know’ that I was feeling better a few weeks ago, I can remember not feeling anxious- worrying about normal things, work bills etc. Than I think I started testing myself to see if it really was gone and I managed to bring all the feelings back. What I need to know is how do you get to the point where you don’t need to keep testing yourself. I remember thinking , well I need to see if this still bothers me so let me ‘try the thoughts on’ and sure enough it came right back. I guess the most frightening though I’ve had lately is that what if even AFTER I die I am still like this somehow??

    I get that I need to just go with it and I do do that, I will be chatting with a friend and the part of me that is functioning is talking, maybe even laughing but that other part of me that is ‘out there’ is still introspecting and the more I tune in to that the more anxious I feel. Let’s face it what thought could cause MORE anxiety than- what if I’m not even here right now- it’s terrifying.

    I find that what helps me the most is when I’m focused on doing things for others, wether it’s an encouraging email to a friend, buying a gift for someone, just trying to help someone or when I’m with people I feel safe with- who I’ve admitted I sometimes feel this way to. Sometimes just the act of saying – I’m feeling ‘out of it’ to someone I’m close to can give me relief for a while as if the act of acknowledging that I”m feeling this way makes ME real.

    Ok I know this all sounds pretty wild- I’m just grateful to know others feel like this and are leading semi normal lives. I don’t know how many who suffer like this believe in God- I do and lately I’ve just decided part of just going with it is trusting He will help me through this. Maybe He is by helping me find this site and your book.

    I’m sorry this was so long.

  328. Claire R Says:

    Hi all..

    Its Claire R…just a quick one…alot of symtoms have eased..but still left with the blood curdling thoughts again..What am I doing wrong? Boo hoo..

    I know someone said I think Candie..Hi Candie!..Not to remunerate them..but I am, Boo hoo again… they are nearly causing me to have panic attacks, but haven’t!

    So thats a good improvement I know!

    Am reading Claire Weekes ‘Essential Help For Your Nerves’..which she goes into details on accepting & floating..I just find them so scary…But thats what you have to do to take the fear away…

    Any lil tips please? Thank you..Lots lof love to you all..Claire xxxxxxxx

  329. Nikki Says:

    Hi shirley I think it will help to move on if i move away for a while.I will come back and update thanks for all your help speak soon x x

  330. Patrick Says:

    I too am bored of this, bored of waking up everyday feeling rough, bored of thinking about it constantly. I feel I have a really good understanding now – I know what causes all the symptoms, I have a good understanding of how I can recover from this. It’s like what shirley said about riding a bike and stabilisers, I just can’t seem to let go. The physical symptoms don’t bother me too much, but I am just so tired about thinking about it constantly. I have said before that I have little trouble living my life, yes occassionaly my concentration wavers, but no matter what I do it is always with one eye on how I feel. I rarely have silly “what if” thoughts now and if I do I give them space and they amount to nothing; and if I feel terrible physically I never think, Oh God, what’s this etc. I just carry on and let it be, but I would love to be able to do something and focus 100% on it without one eye on anxiety! It’s the one thing I guess that I find a real problem and can’t see how I can ever get back to thinking normally!! I’ve read the stuff on here about it, read the chapter in Claire Weekes about obsession. I’m not expecting an immediate fix but it hasn’t got any better in 3 or 4 months! I guess it’s the main thing that makes me anxious!! People say like anything it’s a symptom and if you leave it be it will go, I just find this really hard to grasp.

  331. samantha Says:

    hi everyone

    just thought i would say hello i do read the posts from time to time and so much well all that is posted i have experienced . i first purchased pauls book in 2007 when i was in an anxiety state i can clearly remember a dr telling me i shouldnt be reading books such as this one , just goes to show how much they know.

    it has taken me 2 years to recover what i mean by recovery is i still have anxious days but i just accept them i tried fighting them before and it got me nowhere( in fact it made me worse)

    i had most if not all of the symptoms associated with anxiety and in my darker moments and there were a lot of them i thought i would end my days in a padded cell. so when people post about thoughts yes i had loads , dp i had very severly for a year, severe insomnia ( barely sleeping an hour a night the rest of the night spent in fear/ terror)

    the pysical symptoms well what a nightmare constantly 24hrs a day with no respite at all it was so bad i lost an incredible amount of weight . i fought through every day literally , lost bewilderd and so scared . at one point i was told that i was the worse case of anxiety they had seen ( as you can imagine this comment made me worse)

    i hate to say it but everything that has been written on this forum i have had to varying degrees.

    the point of this post well just to let others know it can be overcome if you practice the right way . i cant really tell you what the defining moemt was for me because it is all such a haze .

    the one thing i can say is dont fight it accept it yes i know its hard it was one of the hardest things i had to do and it took a long time 2 years but again dont put a time limit on recovery many recover in less time others take longer this is not important .

    from being filled with fear/ terror i am now so much calmer only my family who were with me and witnessed what anxiety did to me can express how the whole experiece has changed me .

    so please keep practising this method paul has provided in his book it is i feel the only way that works and beleive me i have tried loads of methods but always came back to this one.

    good luck everyone


    actually you dont need luck only ACCEPTANCE xxxxxxx

  332. Emily Says:

    I related a lot to your post & also believe God brings us to things like this site (and intends good growth from learning to trust Him).

    I’m the same way; see myself gripping this “thing” and not easily letting go. It will come in time and with LOTS of practice.

    Thanks for the encouragement; especially with the timeframe. I get caught up saying, “it’s still bothering me this much…shouldn’t I have “gotten it” by now and feel recovered?”

    Keep on keepin’ on, everyone!

  333. Michelle Says:

    Hi all.. I’ve had a pretty good couple of weeks and wasn’t going to keep coming back here, but though I’m really good at coming here when I’m feeling horrible and need the reassurance. It’s my turn to do some reassuring, even though I am not completely recovered.

    I have some days I feel nearly 100% normal.. but there is still that nagging checking in. I just roll my eyes to it and try to distract myself. I hope I’m not avoiding, but whatever it is, it works most of the time.

    But to all that are in the thick of it.. I was there and I’m mostly good now. I still suffer a bit– but it’s really nothing to how bad it used to be. And when I have a particular bad day (or week) I don’t give up hope. I tell myself it always goes away, and maybe that tomorrow will be my best day yet. I tell myself it’s the dang symptoms of adrenalin and not get worked up over it. I do get annoyed though– like that horrible in-law that is coming to visit.

    I hope I’ll be able to give encouragement to someone. I have gotten tons here myself.

    It really is so easy to get into the “it’s been 18 months, shouldn’t I be over it by now” mentality, but every day I have is one day closer to complete recovery. You never know… Tomorrow may be the day everything becomes clear and you arrive at recovery’s doorstep.

  334. alyssa Says:

    Patrick i too have a problem with obsessing over things, I will analyze everything and is the toughest part of my anxiety. I obsess so much a ruminate over my what if thoughts so much that i actually begin to think they are really me.I also have problems with finding the real me I get lost in it, it feels like. I also question everything i say, ill say to myself do i really mean that, do i want to be a good person, etc. evrything you could ever think of i have probably thought of lol….its crazy, I also have problems with just accepting it anxiety im constantly having to go through a list of things that tell me its anxiety and not me. Its frustrating and I know how everyone feels…it just feels so real, i know what people mean when they say this. But we will get through it all of us and i have faith,you sound like a good person Patrick :) I also have a question open to anyone who can possibly help me. What is it in anxiety that makes me not beable to let go of the what if thoughts why do i keep thinking about them? Im always saying to myself Iknow i dont want to hurt anybody or myself Why cant i trust myself why do i think these things are true that i do want to do them. I know I want to always be good and do good things…..I love people and life, it feels like im lying tomyself when i say these things and this scares me. I always wanted to be a nurse and am almost to clinicals until this came along….I know im still going to be a nurse no matter what but i just want to be normal i dont want these scary thoughts when im going to be caring for people.And then i think im lying to myself here…..It feels like im forcing myself to say these things I know what right and wrong and i just want to do all the right things and be a loving person.Can anyone help me iam 19 and am so tired of this I just want to be good.Can anyone possibly relate and tell me this is anxiety….I have a loving family and boyfriend and i want to make them proud they mean everything to me. I feel as if i dont understand myself thanks for all the help so far i am doing better and cann function some what normally now.

  335. mac Says:

    alyssa i have the same problem lol wher ei question everything and say why am i thinking this. i get thoughts of harming and things of those nature also, i also get feelings of just being trapped in my mind and not able to think clearly and let everything bother me. you are not alone, i am still learning about accepting myself but its tough, i think that we jsut monitor our every action and every thought to the point where we just believe what we are thinking and its just not true, if we move through life just putting it down as anxiety and not lead into it, then i think we are gonna be ok

  336. alyssa Says:

    i know mac i think that is the key just thinking its just anxiety and nothing more …..and i want to accept its just anxiety but i have the fear that its not and that these things are really going to happen. sometimes i accept and sometimes i can not it is hard for me to grasp….how do i consistently keep accepting is the question? thanks mac

  337. mac Says:

    no, i totally understand, i mself fear its not anixety but it is and the more we think th more we worry, im not sure either how to constantly accept, but i think its the trying to acept that is bothering us. we should jsut accept and not question ANYTHING

  338. alyssa Says:

    yeah i agree we just need to be like yep thats anxiety tallking to us and just let it go and get on with our lives. Do your scary thoughts just strike you like a lightning bolt? at times it feels like im not even anxious and then all the sudden a thought will just come…..and then im like omg!

  339. mac Says:

    yeah ill be sitting around then ill get a scary thought and my heart starts to race and i have to calm down and sometimes it will last a little bit but then it will go away, do u feel stuff like looking at yourself all the tie and cant concentrate for a second?

  340. Patrick Says:

    Alyssa, I used to have the what if thoughts but these days I don’t. It’s adrenelin in your body which makes you think strange thoughts; when you over react (panic) you then produce more adrenelin etc etc etc. If you have a scary thought, laugh at it. Try not to question these thoughts or get drawn into them – it is just adrenelin that causes this – believe me, everyone on this blog has experienced this. If you give them space and let them be, you will produce less adrenelin and you will find the thoughts will not be there as much.

  341. lisa Says:

    instead of saying omg alyssa to your thoughts try hello you again then let them go, have you ever watched leaves floating on a river or clouds passing?? thats just what your thoughts are like passing clouds, let them in, let them pass :-)

  342. Jason Says:

    i too have had those thought of harming someone. the some one was my son who i love with all my heart. And i think that is why i started to have the thoughts i had. I had a panic attack (second one in 4 years) that scared the life out of me in march of this year. Both were while driving in my car. So for two weeks i walked around and thought i was crazy. I couldnt even drive my car without panic. Then while i was driving one day the thought popped into my mind, “what is im crazy and they take away my son”. “even worse, what if i hurt him. I went all day trying to rid these thoughts that made my stomach SO sick. I wanted to hide like some evil person. All it did was make the thoughts stronger! As i told myself that day stop, i would say in my mind it must be true cuz your thinking it! It was not until i read Pauls book did i start to understand about letting thoughts go. Believe me, i had these thoughts for awhile before i found this web site and now they have become habit thinking. But i can now Let them go enough without them making me feel terrible. Since in found this book, i can honestly say that i’ve had SO many more good days than bad. YES, when i have a bad day i think “its back”. But i have been able to just live through it and see what tomorrow has for me. Thank you all for your thought as i have been reading them, you feel alot stronger when you know your not the only one. Thank You Paul!

  343. alyssa Says:

    thanks everyone for your comments i feel alot better and am starting to get the hang of letting them go. I have way better days then i used to, before i was so scary but i now know that these thoughts are simply not me….before i didnt have the knowledge of anxiety but thanks to you wonderful people i now do.

  344. alyssa Says:

    and mac i definately have that problem with concentrating on things, sometimes it feels almost impossible to concentrate.

  345. christina Says:

    Hi Everyone,
    I’m new to this blog, but certainly not to anxiety. I had my first bought with it in my teen years. I don’t know how I got through all the terrifying feelings with nobody even knowing. It dissipated after a few months. Then in my early twenties, during a stressful period it resurfaced. I really didn’t know what was going on. I had medical tests, but they were all fine, except I had hypoglycemia and something called mitral valve prolapse. Who knows if they were causing some of the problems or the result of all that adrenaline. Anyway, over the course of months things calmed down although they flared at times. I was okay until my last child was a baby, then I got really scared. It’s one thing to be experiencing all this when no one is really depending on you. This time I went on medication, but it still took months for the anxiety to wane. When I’ve tried to get off the medication, I would start having a bout with it. I had been doing well for years, on a very low dose, and then major stress hit. It started again a few months ago. It has been a roller coaster. You’d think I’d be a veteran at this, but because for so long I really didn’t understand it, I’ve looked at it with such fear. I’ve had some good days, but of course, not enough for my liking. Sometimes I can separate myself from the anxious feelings, but it is hard. I’ve had a lot of sleep deprivation and a weaker appetite. I had lost a fair amount of weight very slowly and healthfully over the course of a year. The anxiety took me to my goal weight-not they way I wanted to lose it! I bought Paul’s book and have been reading the blog for a few weeks. It’s good stuff. I could really use some encouragement. I didn’t sleep at all last night which hadn’t happened in several weeks. Thanks

  346. alyssa Says:

    Hey Christina anxiety does this to you it does it to me too. Im always on a rollercoaster I cry cant sleep and am scared. the thing that sucks for me is that it feels as if i question everything i say, i feel as if i doubt myself all the time, and feel hopeless at times.What helps me is to look at the positive things in your life , and trust me i know these things are hard to do. But it gets easier with practice :) And try to not associate these things with yourself, just know that its your anxiety not you these are some little things that help me, maybe they will help you also, keep in touch, and get well soon! :)

  347. alyssa Says:

    I was feeling better earlier but now I feel terrible for some reason :( I let it come over me again. God I just want to know whats wrong with me! im always searching for answers looking for someone thats like me that has anxiety, I cant find them? I feel like im bad, I think im a murder or that im going to harm someone I REALLY dont want to im so scared and am crying right now I cant take it, I feel like its true. I love my family so much i just want to be good. Please anyone help me

  348. christina Says:

    Hi Alyssa thank you for responding to my post. It was encouraging. Now I want to bring you something that’s uplifting. These feelings are not you! Not even close. Too much stress hormones, namely adrenaline, on your tired, sensitized nerves and mind. Just think about a time, maybe even recently where you had, whether a day or maybe even an hour, when you felt more like yourself. You didn’t feel the same way- scared, anxious, worried, sad, etc., etc. Deep down we know it’s not us, but it’s just that the symptoms scream, “pay attention to me!”. You said you were feeling better earlier (that was definitely more you) Anxiety almost always feels like more than it is. And when you feel more like you, you can see more clearly the imposter it is. Let’s just try to ecourage each other with the truth. Take heart, this will not last.

  349. alyssa Says:

    Thanks Christina you are right I was so happy before I had anxiety. And it feels like its trying to make me into something that im not, and dont want to be. It feels like when i comes its like Pay attention to me, like you said and thats exactly what I do I just analyze it and obsess over it. Its so frustrating but you are not alone I also struggle but we can make it and we will be happy! :)

  350. Tracey Says:

    I’m definitely where you’re at Jason. I had like 3 panic attacks for the first time starting the end of last October and from then I thought I was crazy, dying, etc. I would get thoughts stuck in my head and wonder why they were there and try to not think them and get frustrated, mad, sad, etc. but now after months of back and forth being scared of thoughts, I can totally say i have more confidence now just because I can finally tell when I think those old thoughts its due to habit. Of course I still have off days where the memory tries to bother me but those bad days aren’t as often anymore and it is truly freeing.

  351. Mo Says:

    Hi Everyone,

    I have never posted on this site before. I read Paul’s book back in December 08 and have read his blog, which has been really enlightening. I didn’t realise until today that there was a comments section and have spent most of this afternoon reading all your posts!!

    I have been suffering from anxiety this time round since December 08. I suffered a period of around 8 months back in 2006/07, however at this time my main problem was depression and I seemed to respond very well to anti-depressants. I have had physical symptoms of anxiety throughout my life but these would be very fleeting and I never really got hung up on them.

    I have an extremely supportive family and partner. My mum has suffered anxiety over the years but is a huge inspiration to me. She accepts it so well and just gets on with her life whether it’s there or not. I just seem to be less able to do that. I want it all to be better and feel so frustrated with myself for not just living alongside it. Like you all I have numerous different symptoms, both physical and mental. Fortunately I have always known that these symptoms are just anxiety so you would think that I would be able to just accept them for what they are. But I just really struggle with this? I even still feel frightened about the way I feel. So, as you can imagine I wake up feeling anxious and spend most of the day thinking about my anxiety. I still do things, go out, go to work etc but I am always thinking how much better these things would feel if I was not anxious rather than engaging with the activities, if that makes sense? I seem to have this ‘brick wall’ in front of me that wants to block me from doing anything. Does anyone know what I mean? It is like I say to myself “go on, go and do some gardening”, and then this brick wall feeling appears to try to get in the way of me doing anything? I am probably not explaining myself very well?

    I am very aware having read comments that positivity on this site is really important. So, I just want to say to you all that I have been inspired by your posts and, although reading Paul’s book was great, it is also useful to hear other people’s experiences of anxiety and progress. I can’t say right now that I have had many good days at all but am hoping to. It would be great to get a few replies for some support and encouragement … and hopefully I can start supporting too.

    Thanks to you all.

  352. Sara Says:

    Hey all,
    I just have a question regarding “living with anxiety”. Maybe Paul can answer this question, or anyone else that knows. I’ve been unable to order Paul’s book for some reason, but have read Claire Weekes book on ‘Hope and Help For Your Nerves’. Anyway, I know that the things I’ve read, especially on here, state that complete recovery from anxiety and panic is possible. Is it only possible if you know the exact cause of what started the intial anxiety and panic in the first place? Or can you fully recover even if you don’t know the exact cause of your first experience of anxiety and panic? Maybe this is a stupid question, or one that doesn’t matter, but I just thought I’d ask. I think I know what started my initial anxiety and panic, but now (obviously) the anxiety and panic appear for other reasons beyond the first initial reasons, if that makes sense. I just want to know if complete recovery is possible for everyone and anyone, no matter what the initial cause.

  353. christina Says:

    Sara, this is not a stupid question. I’ve wondered it myself. I know I’ve always come through previous bouts of anxiety. It really is about losing your fear of all the physical and emotional symptoms of anxiety, giving them less and less respect, and thereby regaining interest in the world outside of you. At the same time there might be things you need to understand about yourself, for instance the way you deal with stress, that may set you up for future anxious periods. It would be beneficial to learn more effective life skills that can keep you in a more calm state. Just my thoughts.

  354. Sara Says:

    Thanks, Christina. That makes sense. I’ve always come thru previous bouts of anxiety, too, but this time my anxiety was more severe and I had new symptoms that I’d never had before. It sort of freaked me out a bit and I was a wreck for a little while. I’m trying hard not to be afraid of the symptoms and to just let them go, though. Good luck to all of us that are currently struggling! :)

  355. Sandeep Says:

    All the overanalyzing confused me. I have 2 questions that have me stuck:

    1. When I feel adrenaline coming on, I say ok and then quickly force my attention to the present. While this really helps most of the time to distract me and gets rid of the adrenaline rush quickly, I feel like its still an “avoidance” behaviour. Sometimes I’m just not able to get to the present and the attention keeps coming back to me. Can someone help describe specifically how they practice acceptance at the moment an adrenaline rush comes? I know one has to practice telling your mind that you dont need to fear the symptoms and Paul mentioned something about this not having to become a “do” but I do think it takes a lot of retraining in the beginning.

    2. The whole concept of not introducing more fear itself sometimes keeps me in the loop that oh no, what if I do introduce more fear? I’ll never get better. Its a strange loop and I’m almost doing it because I know I’m not supposed to. I tell myself so what but I still get bogged down by it.

    Any responses will be very helpful.

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