It feels like my attention is always on me

Hi Everyone, I know I have been a bit quiter than usual recently in replying to posts as I am just on with other things at the moment, but trust me the blog is as important to me as when I first set it up. Just seeing over 500 replys to the last post tells me how important the place is for people and how fast it is growing. Also as people learn more about the subject they are able to advise and there have been some great reply’s and advice recently by a lot of people. That is always how I want the blog to be, I want plenty of people offering advice and support and then it can almost run itself and also be a positive place for people to come. Again it is well moderated to keep people from spamming or spoiling it and a lot of credit goes to Candie who looks after that side with me and has had to work a bit harder due to me being busy recently.

Well on to todays post, this post came through me reading a lot of posts and also it is quite a common question I get asked. It has been covered before in different ways, but I want to use my own case history to get the point across as I don’t want to move on to another subject until I feel people have grasped the message.

I will start by saying a lot of my symptoms calmed, but one thing that still bothered me was that my attention seemed to be on me 24/7. If I was in a conversation I may find it hard to chat easily as all my attention was on me and I seemed to have to place words in a sentence and not talk freely. I would go out and feel lost in my own little world and not with the surroundings around me. I would just want to go through the day without ‘anxiety’ being my subject for the day, I just felt clogged up with it all.

Firstly as people may know we have been so concerened about how we have felt for so long, then of course our attention is going to be on us, we care so much how we feel, we tune it, we worry about how we feel, try to fix it, it becomes a habit to think about ‘us’.

What I tried to do was forget about it all, push it to one side. Well as I realised this was all wrong, habit would have me thinking about me again, nothing was surer and as soon as it did I would feel defeated, thinking that if I could not just forget about it, nothing could help and my attention would always be on me. I would always feel clogged up and not have the freedom just to talk freely and feel mentally free. I would then mentally fight for another way out, what if I do this or that and of course this made me feel worse as I was back to ‘me’ again.

What I wanted to do was ‘forget about me’, not worry, not become obsessed by how I was feeling, not to try and fix it. That was the answer, but I had my attention on me, so how could I? The answer was staring me in the face ‘If the attention wanted to be on me then I had to let it’ This is where I had been going wrong, I had fought this feeling, this normal habit that was bound to be there in the circumstances. So from then on when I felt the attention on me and detached from my surroundings or clogged up, I allowed it to be, there was no fighting, fixing or worrying. It was o.k and I should expect it, I had been thinking about me for so long it was never going to be any other way.

What happened when I tried the new approach was that my attention was on me most of the day, but would lift from time to time, I would then not try and grasp at these free moments, I expected them to be fleeting, I was changing a habit here. These fleeting moments became longer and longer and once I had allowed my attention to be on me, it did not feel so bad after all. I may do well for weeks and then I was back on me for a couple of days, I had to remember this was fine and not think the damn feelings were back. The advice above cured me of this particular habit, but it took a while to do so. Once I had ‘dropped’ it as a problem, it no longer became a problem.

This is why it pains me to hear someone say I felt so great last week and now I don’t, what have I done wrong? what can I do? They are trying to scramble back to how they felt the previous week instead of allowing themselves to go through the process. As Kashwan said in an earlier post;

Even when I feel the worst I keep foscused on whaever I am doing, try and get into the habit of not paying the anxiety symptoms any respect, the habit grows as time will show you.

This is someone who struggled a few months ago, but now gives great advice, the penny has dropped with him and although he still has bad days he expects them, there not a real problem, he understands that memory and habit may drag him back from time to time, but he does not despair, worry or fight, he just carrys on with what he is doing, he refuses to be dragged back into self pity and trying to fix how he feels, he sees it as part of the process.

Anyway I hope that helps people, I usually hang around when I first put the post up and make sure everyone has understood what I am trying to get across. For everyone that can relate to it I hope it has been helpful.

Paul

For more help with anxiety visit www.anxietynomore.co.uk

For more information about my book ‘At last a life’ visit

www.anxietynomore.co.uk/the_book.html

273 Responses to “It feels like my attention is always on me”

  1. Ben Says:

    ” If I was in a conversation I may find it hard to chat easily as all my attention was on me and I seemed to have to place words in a sentence and not talk freely”

    Paul – can you elaborate on the above. This is exactly how I feel at the moment, like I am focussing on everything I say which should really be an unconscious exercise as we all know. In this situation how does allowing the focus to be on yourself help ? Surely this would make me think about what I am saying more and make things worse ? Or am I missing the point…

    Ben.

  2. Paul David Says:

    No Ben I don’t mean think about yourself, I am saying if the attention is on you, it will be anyway, so allow it to be. This will help you free up in the conversation slighty at first as you no longer care. If you go into a conversation trying to act normal, worrying how you are coming across, getting frustrated, then you are focusing on ‘you’ even more. I am saying if you feel that your attention is on you, allow it to be, don’t fight the feeling or try and make yourself come across as normal. The very act of allowing yourself to feel this way will open up some mental relaxation.

    You said ‘Surely allowing the focus to be on me would make me worse’ Ben you cannot fight or think your way for the attention not to be on you, it is no good fighting or trying to fix it, you cannot fix or fight what has become a habit. Its this very fighting and fixing that keeps you in the cycle. Its just like having a headache, you cannot fight or think it away, the best thing is just to allow the feeling to be there, fighting and stressing about it would just up the tension and the headache would last longer.

    Hope that explains things.

  3. Ben Says:

    Cheers Paul – makes perfect sense. I must admit this is the one symptom I have found hardest to deal with as it is so goddam weird, but I guess it is the equivalent of thinking about anything too much that you do sub consciously (i.e. breathing, walking, driving etc etc) – they all seem really strange if you think about them and if you give them too much focus you start to worry about doing them right etc etc. I suppose you are saying to stop the additional burden of the worry – its going to be there anyway so just chill and let it be!

  4. Paul David Says:

    That’s correct Ben yes. Habits form, but habits break just as easily. When people grieve they become very focused on themselves, this is why they seem a little lost and hard to reach, but time heals and they rebalance and become outward again, its the same thing when we worry and focus on us, in time we feel we are not really bothered anymore but the attention on us hangs around, making talking freely and being at one with the world around us hard, but when we just allow this to ‘be’ and as you say not make an issue out of it, the habit breaks and slowly but surely we become less focused on us and the habit breaks.

    Paul

  5. Phoebe Says:

    Hi Paul

    This is something I am really struggling with at the moment. Whenever I do not have to be fully engaged in something else then I find myself always thinking about me and how I feel and how I am ever going to get over this, etc, etc. I felt quite desperate today wondering when it will all end/if it will all end, as I am just not sure how to “just be”. I know this is the answer but it is just so very hard. I feel panic welling up inside of me when I think of my situation and don’t know how to get out of it. I sat in lectures today with tears in my eyes as I could not stop thinking about how I was feeling – analyzing it all, trying to wish the anxiety away – and I was not able to focus on the lecture and this panicked me even more. I feel very lost at times and feel as though I am losing hope…but I *am* trying to remain positive. However, I just cannot imagine a life without feeling like this…when did it finally “click” for you? How were you able to finally give up the fight? I am so very tired of all this thinking and worrying…

    Phoebe

  6. Kashawn Says:

    Phoebe, I think I can help

    The way you are feeling is the typical Anxiety cycle and I have gone through what you experience and Im at the end of the road you are starting. Let me assure you that I once felt hopeless as you feel now and I promise you if you continue to educate yourself on Anxiety and follow Paul’s principles, you will again feel normal; I promise. Let the anxiety experience unfold for you, allow yourself to feel it all (takes alot of time and patience) and LIVE ON and focus on your task the best you can. The more you know about Anxiety the less you fear and the less fear means the less Anxiety :)

    In all honesty, recovery from Anxiety is a process of understanding that is unique to every individual; some learn quicker then others, for me it took a while. Phoebe, I once felt hopeless as you do and thought this is me forever but my wounds are healing; my nerves are healing, Anxiety is leaving me and it can leave you with just some patience and understanding. So keep your head up and know that you will be that person you once were before; stick around we are here to help.

    To Paul: thank you for mentioning me in your post:)

    All the best
    Kashawn

  7. John S Says:

    Good post Paul.
    Its another symptom/habit that I have struggled with. I feel like Im coping better as it doesnt frustrate me as much as it does. Im actually finally finding that Im not really as fearful of my symptoms anymore either.
    Its like it takes a while for your body and mind to stop fearing the symptoms. I still feel apprehensive about goin places even though Im not afraid but as it says in your book, this will fade in time aswell.

    Im even going to see Derren Brown on sunday and im hoping to go see a guitarist on sat night. I keep gettin the thought that my new attitude will change tho and il stop being able to cope.
    Its an uncomfortable thought that keeps popping up, should i just treat this thought the same as the others and not add any weight and let it pass through?
    I was also wondering what peoples thoughts were on ‘The power of now’ by eckhart Tolle who says that our thoughts and mind are not us. We are above our thoughts and we should observe them without judgement.
    Thanks
    John S

  8. Scarlet Says:

    Paul,

    Another great blog entry. I remember very well when I used to feel this way.

    This particular aspect of anxiety, in my own experience was the last to go, and lingered periodically til the very end for me. Like Paul says there comes a time when you are able to let the focus be on yourself and not care at all about it, which is a sure way for it to fade. The way to do it is to not let yourself feel any negative emotions when the focus comes back on you after a period of calm, do not have that pit in your stomach, feel fear or dread. Welcome the fact that you are analysing your every being again, this skill will come in very useful when you have recovered and you will use it in other areas of your life, so look at it as positive rather than negative…. and allow it to be there without concern.

    John S,

    I am just reading the Eckhart Toll book as well, and I can identify with a lot of the things he says, and I think his principle of observing thoughts without judgement is the same as acceptance.

    I would love to see Derren Brown, have a great time, and if the focus is on you during this time, let to be there… and don’t worry about feeling that there will be a time when it will all ‘fall apart’ and you will no longer be able to cope, this is a ‘normal’ feeling with anxiety, which I had many times as well, do not give it any weight becasue it’s nonsense, you ARE coping and will continue to cope fine.

    x

  9. Phoebe Says:

    Thank you Kashawn. I really appreciate your reply, and I am so pleased to hear you are so far along the road of recovery. I shall try to take on board what you’re saying and try not to let it overwhelm me. I *know* this is possible…I just have to have faith (but it’s just soooo hard!!!!)

    x Phoebe

  10. Lynda Says:

    Hi Paul – I do understand what you are saying about the ‘attention being on me’. Does this include how I am feeling during this setback I am having – unreal and watching myself all the time? I find it so hard to explain but this is the symptom that I still find very upsetting even though I do understand why it is there. I am not quite as scared of it now and am trying to put the re-newed attitude into practice.

    Kashawn – well done you! Hope I will be joining you at the end of the road!
    Thanks all
    Lynda

  11. Paul David Says:

    Well most of the questions above have been answered well by Kashwan and Scarlet, you cannot beat people’s advice who have been through it.

    John S says:

    Im even going to see Derren Brown on sunday and im hoping to go see a guitarist on sat night. I keep gettin the thought that my new attitude will change tho and il stop being able to cope.

    Its an uncomfortable thought that keeps popping up, should i just treat this thought the same as the others and not add any weight and let it pass through?

    John this is normal, its just an false thought brought on by your sensitised state, many times I would go somewhere and think, what if I don’t cope, I saw it as just an anxious thought with no weight and went anyway and I sailed through the event, sometimes I felt a little anxious or a little lost, but that was fine.

    As I have said before anxiety needs an escape and it will always pop up with a what if, just smile and do it anyway. The more you do and nothing happens your confidence builds and builds, this is where that new attitude comes from, nothing is ever gained by sitting at home waiting to feel perfect. Never let a thought hold you back, just do it anyway, this is where the real victorys come from. You always cope and as Scarlet say’s don’t expect things to be perfect, it should never be ‘I hope I feel good all night’, it should be ‘if I feel up and down, crap at times, its fine, its only a feeling that can never do me any harm’, ‘I am not going to let any anxious thought or feeling hold me back living my life’.

    I mean what do you mean by not cope anyway?

    Nothing bad can happen, we always cope, you may feel a little anxious, but that’s fine, you may feel a bit odd, that’s o.k, a bit apprehensive, yes that’s o.k to. All feelings pass, our body can only produce so much adrenalin anyway, nothing we can’t cope with can ever happen.

    So John just enjoy your night and don’t let a false anxious thought hold you back.

    Lynda says:

    Lynda Says:

    April 28th, 2009 at 9:24 am e

    Hi Paul – I do understand what you are saying about the ‘attention being on me’. Does this include how I am feeling during this setback I am having – unreal and watching myself all the time? I find it so hard to explain but this is the symptom that I still find very upsetting even though I do understand why it is there. I am not quite as scared of it now and am trying to put the re-newed attitude into practice.

    Lynda as explained above you understand why it is there. Trust me it takes a little patience and I am not asking you to like how you feel. Watching yourself and feeling unreal is totally normal so just try and see it as normal in the circumstances, even though it is not pleasant try not to let it frustrate so much, just see it as normal in the circumstances and it will pass in time if you just get on with your tasks with it there instead of letting it frustrate you, worrying about it, tuning in to it and more than that trying to fix it. This feeling hung around me for a long time, I would go to town and feel like this, I would go for a swim and feel like this, I would go on holiday and feel like this and I just saw this strangeness as me for the time being, something that would pass in time, I stopped trying to fix it as I had done for so long before, I just saw it as a natural feeling in the circumstances and gave it as much time as it needed. What people do is think ‘Well its 3 days now and I have let it be there and its still there’ and they can’t help but try and find another way out, back to fighting and trying to do something about it, so they are back on themselves once more and not the world around them.

    What I am saying is if you just allow this feeling to be there and carry on with normal living, in time your mind picks up on other things, the world around you, your attention becomes outward again, it will never do this while we are so concerned about us and always fighting to feel good, worrying about how we are feeling etc…So when we feel like our attention is on us, its fine, it will pass in time, don’t see it as a problem.

    Also I think the word setback is used far too often. We are better sometimes seeing the way we feel as normal in the circumstances, somthing we will come through. Not just put feeling bad as a setback, a setback is a long period of feeling well and then bham, feeling as though we are back to square one. I saw my up and down affair as normal, a process I had to go through. I only really had 2 major setbacks where I thought I was totally free and then bham, awful and full of dread. I smiled at them and just waited for it to pass and it did and I felt stronger than ever when I came through again, it was like, see not even feeling bad again can throw me, I can cope with anything and the next setback I hardly cared about, it was something that memory had brought back and something that would pass.

    Paul

  12. Lynda Says:

    Paul – I really do appreciate your reply and have taken on board everything you have explained so well to me.
    Lynda

  13. Candie Says:

    Good Post Paul…. i agree about people been too quick to label feeling bad a setback too. If that was the case id be in one every other day or so! My recovery has been very up and down too, one day il feel brilliant and the next day il be in my head again feeling slightly anxious. If you feel bad thats not a setback, as you say its where you trually feel like you have gone back to square one and feel worse then you ever have. If you look at it that way id say iv not had one since January. However last year every other week was a feeling of been back to square one. I think thats why those who grasp acceptance dont feel the need to talk about every symptom they have, theres always something on a daily basis for me but nothing that overwhelms me… people asume those who have learnt to accept never have symptoms, we do…. habit sees to that- but we are rebalancing our bodies and minds with the right reactions and time slowly brings you out of the anxiety. To me a setback isnt even about how i think or feel, its about how i feel like i cant react with the right response to the anxiety so il feel worse for it.

    Got to say i think once iv had my baby and the hormones settle i’l be able to get over the last leg of anxiety, i feel really proud that my biggest improvements and recovery have happened during my pregnancy- pregnancy is renowned for making women feel anxious and low, and its known to make the anxious feel even worse due to all the hormones…. so after my pregnancy i reckon a lot of my anxieties will calm as my hormones wont be there to make me irrational. I always think now if i can come this far in 6 months with the odds of pregnancy and no meds (was on them for about 18 months) stacked against me… what can i acheive afterwards. Never think about what you cant do at the minute, focus on what you can do and think positive as it really helps :)

    Have a nice week everyone, iv had the busiest past week ever! Been out for 3 meals, a day to the park & picnic, shopping twice and been to a friends for a night in with dvd and takeaway- think il have a lazy week now!

  14. louise Says:

    Hey enjoyed the post Paul,thanx xxMost days i find my attention on myself,to some degree or another,i no longer FEAR this or wish it away i understand now that it took 10 years of HARD work to get this way so its not going to disappear overnight,unfortunatly for me FEAR does STILL hinder my recovery.I fear making a fool of myself in front of others and im finding it soooooo hard to lose this fear.I think its proving to be challenging because in the past i HAVE fell apart in front of others,people know me and describe as “always on edge” and im struggling to see myself in a new light.I can at times be OK i just cant maintain this feeling.I do have faith though and im sure one day ill reach FULL recovery.As CANDIE said in a previous post none of us where born this way…..Im trying to change the habit of a lifetime.Hope eveyone is ok,im off to get the kids from school,xx

  15. lisa Says:

    this is where i am at now, iv conquered the rest but this remains. it is horrible, i do think often why is this still here, why doesnt my attention off myself go now, or why cant i stop thinking about myself grrrr.i feel no matter where i go or what i do i cannot break this last bit. scarlet you said this was the last bit for you ;-) .its not often i post about myself, i try and help others if i can i just thought brilliant scarlet, paul, n candie suffered this but it is a buggar this..lol . nikki what you most fear is making a fool of yourself, scarlet once said what you fear do more of, she was so right, so thats what you need to practise hun, keep doing it and youl overcome it. so what youv fell apart once, thats just a memory now, get back up there and keep doing it, youl be laughing soon and wanting to do more .practise in front of a mirror, your kids, family if you can, that will become your new habit, and build your confidence :-)

  16. Paul David Says:

    Louise you say: I fear making a fool of myself in front of others and im finding it soooooo hard to lose this fear.

    Louise I had this to a degree and the only thing that helped was saying ‘If I make a fool of myself so be it, I am past caring’ it is the very caring that can make us worse as we may try and act our way through, try too hard to come across as normal, the day I truly stopped caring, was the day it got easier.

  17. John S Says:

    Thanks Paul and Scarlet for your reply’s. Its a niggling thought that I’ll stop being able to accept but like you said I’ll just pass through the thought and feeling like all the others
    Cheers

  18. Fiona Says:

    More great advice, god i have been fighting against feelings of unreality like i dont know what for a few days now. But they are NORMAL, whether i like it or not this is how i feel just now good or bad. I’ve never been able to really let go and accept anxiety i understand it and can recognise the cycle in myself but i’m just cant quite abandon myself to it…. but i’m making progress. Your really right about setback being over used and i it do myself also. Not all bad feeling are a setback, they are just bad feelings. Something i read in previous post form Paul really hit home for me, he said quite simply “stop hating and start understanding” it has taken me a while but i think i have reached that point.
    Onwards and upwards.
    Fiona xxxxxx

  19. Lynda Says:

    Fiona – you have put into words just how I am feeling but you do it much more eloquently than me! I also have never been able to really let go of it all but hopefully will now make progress. We’ll get there…..
    Lynda x

  20. lisa Says:

    well done candie, youv come so far now your nearly there now ;-) your doing brilliant and you will make a fantastic mum. your posts have helped me and others so a big thank you and hug to you. your a lovely friend and cant wait to see little bernard :-) xx

  21. Victor Says:

    hello, hope everyone is well.

    I was contemplating whether or not to post because I know to recover I should probably spend less time reading the blog and posting, but I am still having issues with my over thinking mind!

    It has been about a month now and i am still having these odd, unwanted thoughts about my daughter. The past few days were good, I was having thoughts but they were less frequent and not getting to me. I thought for sure I was getting over them. Then last night I could feel me losing my cool and then here I am today posting. So needless to say today has not been good. I just want to make sure that getting these thoughts is a result of my over anxious mind and not something else, and why have they not left. Am I not accepting? or even with accepting will they take time to leave?

  22. Bev Says:

    Hi Victor,

    From the sounds of it, you’re right – you are still not fully accepting these thoughts. And yes – you’re right again – even when you do learn to accept them, they will take time to leave. I have read some of your past posts and realize that you have been suffering with this particular symptom of anxiety for a while now. But know that it is just that – a symptom of anxiety and excess adrenaline – nothing more. There is nothing wrong with you, you are not going crazy.

    I understand that some thoughts that come to our mind can be quite disturbing and unpleasant. But try to not think of them as “unwanted.” That’s how I described all of my symptoms and thought I was accepting, but I wasn’t. I thought, how can I accpet these things that are happening to me, when I don’t want them to be happening?? You don’t have to like your symptoms – your thoughts are unpleasant, yes, but that’s ok. Welcome them. They cannot harm you.

    It sounds like you are still fighting these thoughts, and trying to analyse where they are coming from. If you have these thoughts – realize that they are only a thought. You can observe those thoughts without judgement, and without acting on them. Let them come, because the more you are frightened or upset by them, the longer they will stay.

    I hope this makes sense.

    Paul, I ran a 12km race on the weekend and thought of you and Mike during my run. I’m getting out more and more and enjoying the company of my friends and family so much! Thank you to everyone on here for all your advice and support. You have all helped me more than you will know.

    Hope everyone is doing well and having a good day.

  23. Victor Says:

    Bev,

    Thank you very much for the input. Yes your are right, it has been awhile and I just want them to stop, I think that is the major problem. I have to admit,I do not like these thoughts and worry that they will never stop.

    What you said makes perfect sense, but putting it into action is so difficult! I am able to accept that these thoughts are excess adrenaline, which is why I do not feel guilty for having these thoughts. But yes I do analyze them throughout the day (another bad habit), even when I am not having them. And I also realize now that even with acceptance they will take awhile to leave, up to this point I think my expectations were to high as far as accepting. I felt that if I welcomed them for a day, the next day they would be gone. Of course this is not the case! and now i know that it will take time.

    So I am going to work on accepting these thoughts, and not pay them much attention. Thank you!

  24. Paul David Says:

    Paul, I ran a 12km race on the weekend and thought of you and Mike during my run. I’m getting out more and more and enjoying the company of my friends and family so much! Thank you to everyone on here for all your advice and support. You have all helped me more than you will know.

    Hope everyone is doing well and having a good day.

    Hey Bev that’s great, well done, I have just entered another, not for charity, just to make sure I keep my fitness up. Just keep going out and enjoying the complany of those around you and it will feel more natural more than you thought possible, always like positive posts like yours :)

  25. louise Says:

    Thanx for the advice guys!I know this fear is something i have to keep facing in order to LOSE it,im confident one day ill look back on this fear and laugh-i know theres a bubbly louise in here somewhere!!!LOLxxCandie,enjoy your last stage of pregnancy as much as you can……then the hard work really begins!!But its wonderful,i love being a mum,ive got 2 at school and a wee 2yr old at home,shes mentil,ultra boistrous through watching her big bro and sister,great fun youll love it!!!!VICTOR,im not in the best position to give advice but i do know how it feels to have disturbing thoughts,i used to really fear these thoughts but after reading pauls book and the earlier posts on this subject i have totally lost this particular fear-i know its excess adrenaline and i know anxiety will latch on to your biggest fear-ask yourself some questions and rationalise these thoughts-whats the chance of you acting on them????What weight do they carry???See them for what they are,THOUGHTS!!!!They cant harm you,smile at them even,lose the FEAR of them and even if they dont disappear it wont matter if their there or not because they dont frighten you!!Hope this helps xxIve got people coming over tomorrow was going to cancel,but decided to go ahead-nothing ventured nothing gained,eh??Wishing everyone a good day speak soon xxxx

  26. teresa Says:

    Hi All
    Think this post links to the over thinking – I tend to find that when I am satisfied with the way I am thinking symptoms which would normally get to me – don’t. however, I can’t make out that ‘the attention on me’ is that linked to feeling aware of one’s self and embarassed or the monitoring of how you feel. The hardest part I am finding is that when I first wake, very early morning, my mind starts to scan and starts throwing up random thoughts which are normally symptoms I dislike, headaches and other uncomfortable symptoms, I go back to sleep and then wake to the same ‘scan’ – there seems to be a rational thought of ‘I know what this is, adrenaline, nothing to worry about’ but it’s as if it keeps coming on and off until it can find something that will grab my attention. Then the focus starts during the morning, I start off positive, ride my bike, go out , not watching but it seems there is the attention on me and symptoms magnify – unless something really strong diverts the attention. I know we’re all travelling along this route but sometimes I feel as if I have lost the direction completely.
    Candie you are doing amazing, pregnancy can really play heck with hormones (as can being 50) and I think the positivity you are showing despite the hormanal ‘ride’ shows that once you have a chance to balance you will be ‘there’, chilled. LOL. Few sleepless nights maybe, but for the right reasons.
    I do feel now that I understand what has been happening to me and why and that if I could only leave go of the reigns my own body would in time right itself – it’s just hard sometimes to believe it will actually happen when ‘habit’ keeps coming in and over riding things. Suppose the biggest rule I’m breaking here is probably feeling a bit hopeless and negative. Sorry, I know I should be grasping it by now.

  27. brian Says:

    hey guys,

    i am really really lost right now and have been for some time. it has now been over a year since i found this web site, and for about the last 8 months i feel like i have completely lost touch with this web site and everything it’s about. the first 4 months after finding this website were absolutely incredible. very up and down like people have said but my attitude was so amazing and i noticed considerable improvement. it was so great to watch myself recover and reconnect with life and who i was.

    Then really out of the blue i felt really bad one night but for some reason i didnt approach it like i had all the other times i felt bad. i felt differently after that, like i had lost that sense that everything would eventually be ok. i came on this website to re-read everything but it didn’t make me feel better like it usually did. before, i considered this website to be almost magical but ever since that night it has not had the same effect.

    For the last 8 months despite staying with the blog and rereading the book from time to time, i have felt very similar to how i did before i found the web site. i do not think it’s getting better either, i just don’t think i am doing the right thing anymore. these months have probably been the hardest and worst of my life because i know about this website and felt recovery before, yet i continue to fight how i feel and worry. i know i must not be accepting because everything about my attitude and how i feel just seems wrong. this has just become the hardest thing to face and i don’t know what to do. i feel like if i can’t accept how i feel with the advice and information of this website then how will i ever accept again?

  28. Nicole Says:

    Hi Brian,
    I have been where you are – the intense introspection and desire to be free of the anxiety has amplified your emotions and this starts off the cycle of “trying” and fighting to rid yourself of these feelings. The effort becomes something in itself altogether. Getting out of this cycle was the most difficult aspect of the anxiety for me. It’s tough when you are trying to help yourself but it feels like all is going wrong!
    The more I understand anxiety, the more I am able to step aside when I realize that I am starting to analyze everything again. It is simply an abundance of adrenalin but the mind can’t accept that there is simply nothing wrong so it turns the examination on itself. You are and will be okay. I have slowly started to realize that I was never lost, just climbing a mountain of my own making. I am getting too philosophical here and probably don’t make any sense, but I hope this helps. Candie,Scarlet, Kashawn and Paul are much more eloquent at this than I am! Don’t stress about these feelings Ben, see them as emotional weather that will pass. Cheers, Nicole

  29. TREZ Says:

    Thanks Paul,great post i think this is were im at now.I have got in to the habit of constantley thinking about the way im feeling,i no now that its habit hopefully i can accept that its just habit,does anyone get days when they think that every symptom is getting worse?accepting bad days at the moment is really hard when you get a few good days,i think to much about the symptoms,thoughts and feeling coming back,so when they do i think everything is worse,sorry for the spelling,havent used the pc before i found you all.THANKS.XX

  30. lorryt Says:

    great post paul

    after a day like i have never experienced before on Monday/Tuesday i felt like i havent done for a while. wow was it good, i felt relaxed, free from everything and i was only doing my normal stuff, work , kids school, tea. But it has renewed my hope and faith in the fact that i will recover. This introspection thing i can totally relate to it and know its fading a lot,but in time it will go. wow this recovery is powerful stuff !!!!.

    have a great day all, and hope u r keeping well Candie and Lisa, louise fiona allxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  31. brian Says:

    Nicole thank you, your post helps so much! I have known about this website for a year now but i have been thinking for so long (ever since i felt horrible 8 months ago) that i had not been accepting and that is why i was doing so horribly. i have been reading and re reading this website and constantly thinking about ways to accept, trying to figure out what i was doing wrong. now though your post made me realize that maybe i’ve been accepting all along and i just convinced myself i wasn’t because i have been feeling so horribly. like you said maybe my mind just needed an excuse for feeling so bad so i convinced myself i was doing something wrong. It makes me feel so much better to think that maybe i’m not doing anything wrong at all and that in time i will heal. thanks

  32. Nikki Says:

    Lorryt, Glad to hear you are having a good day:-0. I started off feeling really rubbish this morning all symptoms cracking cold,heavy cloud, low mood and well I’m sure you all know that feeling but then I decided to have a quick read of my claire weekes book and a passage that I dont think I read before about adding second fear to symptoms which i completely understood,I do that all the time.The passage spoke about fear of reaction to a thought not having a thought and then my penny dropped.I have been putting up with anxiety not accepting living everyday feeling slightly odd or even great but still looking over your shouder in case the symptoms creep back again, thinking i hope i still feel like this tomorrow then feeling down again because you dont .I then went and found a comfy spot and set down and ‘willingly invited in ‘ all my fear.I was worried that doing this would make me cry or scare me witless.I let my fear rise and I calmly sat waiting with no thought or reaction,Just sat there and you know what, I went where I have been frightened of going all this time and there was nothing there,I never went mad or cried or became depressed or anything.I have invited, no grabbed it by the scruff of the neck actually several times since then today.I understand what you have been telling me all along now.I dont care how long it takes to not have this over reaction any more, I welcome the set back to try and test me. I fully expect symptoms to last.I even expect to feel worse now, but I dont mind.I think I may have posted something along thses lines before but now i know .I even know that I will have to re-read this post at some point maybe but its all o.k.I know your post was not about this topic paul but I just wanted someone who knows how important this discovery is to know how I feel. Feeling rubbish and loving it bring it on!!!

  33. lorryt Says:

    well nikki great for you the penny has dropped on something for you. its great when this happens and you can build on this positive. glad to see you making progress, it feels great within when it happens. its great to realise that nothings is gonna happen. its just our fear of what we think will happen that sets us off !. good for you missus!!.

    have a great crap day if you get me !??.

  34. Nikki Says:

    lol xxx Thanks lorryxx Same to you

  35. lorryt Says:

    cheers!. silly thing is i seem better when im working, when im at home for the 3 days a week , things dont seem to go as well, i seem to panic a bit in my head these 3 days i guess its just habit and it will go ?

    ttfn great one down south

  36. Nikki Says:

    I was just reading through the posts and noticed one from viktor
    I can completely understand how you feel .I have the most terrible thoughts about my family and have had many regarding my daughter.I have come to realise the thought is not of our making it is pure adrenaline,that actually it is not the thought we are scared of having but the reaction to it. We get this massive rush/shock/fear boost that can be so parylising that you automaticaly believe it is the thought itself that perhaps you will carry out this thought .We then set about reasoning it out,spyralling our mind as to what we should do to be rid of this thought.That process of reasoning is I believe second fear.If we realise that the fear we have is not the thought but of the reaction to it it may help.Also if you had this reaction to a thought about eating a banana or something you would then still go through the same process,Why did that reaction happen?what if…blah blah.You would then not be able to go near a banana for fear of a reaction.I hope this makes sense to you? This is how I deal with my fears and although at the moment I still have them and great rushes of fear accompany but I welcome them now.Hope this helps.

  37. teresa Says:

    Just a quick post to say I know what you mean Nikki. I was feeling crap on sunday – did everything , carried on as usual and went out to a shopping centre with my husband. Before we went shopping I was on my own for 5 mins – I confronted the feelings/pain etc – REALLY faced them and it was as if I was confronting some demon but I was not scared. Within minutes everything started to subside and did not matter anymore. Similarly to you – I then realised this was not half the monster I had made it out to be and didn’t even care if I had to live with it – which only proves how it is all to do with the way we view things. Only problem is that ‘courage’ I found does not seem to come when you ‘call’ it comes from out of the blue. Eventually it should come automatic and then we won’t be watching ourselves because we won’t be frightened.
    Nicole ,I found the post to Brian very good, especially the bit about climbing a mountain of your own making, a good way of looking at it.
    Loryt – great news you feel so good , it’s lovely to hear people improving
    Brian – I’m sure you’ll find the blog a source for the courage you need for this – sometimes it takes some one else to look at our ‘thoughts’ and see the flaws and come back and tell us – they can identify how wrong those thoughts are. This gives us the strength to look at it from a ‘real’ angle and move forward. Hope you feel more positive now.
    Trez – yeh – I had a few lately (days when you think you’re getting worse) – it’s all to do with the way we look at thiings not that we are actually worse.
    All – take care

  38. Paul David Says:

    That was really good advice Nicole, that really impressed me the way you put it and what you said and your right. Brian I think once we start feeling well and then back to what we see as square one we begin to fight or try to scramble back, ‘Let me go on the site that will make me feel good’ , ‘I’ll read the book that will get me back to what I felt like last week’ ‘oh no why when it made me feel so good does it not now’ ‘Ill try saying this to myself, that phrase used to work’ we are then back in fight mode, trying everything to make us feel better, instead of just riding the process out. This happened to me and I ended up in a hole until I realised I was trying to scramble my way back. I was becoming so self absorbed and this was the problem.

    So I went back to basics and just did nothing but live the anxiety again, just saw it as part of me, no looking for outside things to make me feel better. See the blog as a tool to learn, don’t demand it makes you feel better and getting frustrated when it has not, this is probably what you have been doing.

    Brian I hope that makes sense.

  39. Maria Says:

    Hi to all. I just found this site about a week ago and find myself wanting to read all the information and posts over and over – it somehow makes me feel not so awful. I have just finished reading the most recent post and all the replys. I can’t tell you how much it helps to know that there are other people that know the same hopelessness and fear that I do when facing these symptoms each day – I too am so tired of “thinking.” There is only rare moments when I am at peace – and that is when I am at home without any other people around – except my husband and kids. With everyone else I seem to be on constant alert and feel i have to control my thoughts. With me, I have the disturbing thoughts (it started about 3-4 years ago and has gotten really bad in the last year)- more often when I’m around just a few certain people in my life – and at other times when I’m with other people too. The thoughts make me feel like i’m a freak and a sick person. They are so out of my character and I don’t understand why I think them. Why did it start? So when I’m talking to these people I feel as if they can read my mind and know that I’m having these thoughts and it makes it hard to focus on the conversation. I feel like my expressions and responses are not what they should be and these people know exactly what’s going on. I start driving myself crazy that they are avoiding me or are mad at me or don’t like to be around me because i’m acting strange or something. It’s so hard to go on sometimes – I keep thinking that I don’t know what I’ll do if I always feel this way. It’s such a tiring existence. I go to work and struggle my way through the day for hours and then when I’m finally home I feel safe and pray that the next day won’t come so fast. Morning arrives and the second I open my eyes the thinking starts and those crazy, weird thoughts pop into my head again and I think “just get through the day.” I’m so tired of the fear and the thoughts that I don’t know what to do. I understand what you’re saying in the post about just letting myself think about me (and I guess that would include my crazy thoughts) but how do I do that. It makes me feel so terrible when I think them that I have a very hard time talking to these people. How do I have a conversation with someone and at the same time let myself have these thoughts? I sorry if this post isn’t exactly regarding the issues everyone has talked about. I’m not really sure if this is the right place to put my message. I’ve wanted for so long to talk to someone about this and feel desperate sometimes to just say it out loud and tell someone what I’m feeling and thinking – I just can’ think of anyone I could tell that would understand. I thank everyone for putting their feelings out there as it has made me feel not so alone. I look forward to any advice that could maybe put me on the road to healing. Thanks for listening.

  40. brian Says:

    Yes paul it makes perfect sense. i feel like a new door has opened for me after reading nicole’s post, so nicole thank you so much again. Paul and Candie, yall mentioned that people use the term “setback” too often as what they really mean is just the normal up and down affair of recovery. Well now i believe what has sent me down this 8 month road of fighting and worry was my first true setback. I thought i had faced the worst of recovery and was about to recover when the setback came. It was way worse than anything I had faced, and I had a mental “freakout”. I needed a reason for why i suddenly felt so bad, and I immediately concluded that i was no longer accepting. I thought there was no way I could be following the advice of this website if I felt so bad, so I basically blamed myself for my feelings. Well the setback never went away since I constantly fought it and tried to think of ways to accept it.

    Now, thanks to Nicole’s post, I see that there was nothing wrong with the way I was accepting. I simply assumed there was because I felt so bad. I am now truly “just being”. Wow, I have read and reread that phrase so much over the past few months but never felt like I was actually doing it until now. Thanks Paul and Nicole, I owe it to yall.

  41. louise Says:

    Goodmorning all!!!Im a victim to the weather this morning-grey and miserable in glasgow!!Its affecting my get up and go somewhat but ill have to screw the head,ive got some visitors coming over this evening.LORRYT-loved your”have a great crap day”could ONLY make sense to us lot!!LOL xxI was pleased with myself yeaterday,managed to make a phonecall,felt terrible dialling the number and very shaky when the person answered but got through it and even encouraged the conversation to last over 10 mins!!Its such a big deal for me.Im trying to see these situations for what they are-NORMAL everyday occurances,ive made a simple phonecall into a monster!!Still keeping the faith,when things go bad i remind myself how long ive had anxiety and how long my avoidance behaviour has been around-it makes sense recovery will take time.BRIAN-hope you continue to feel better,Nicoles advice was spot on,your not alone,never allow yourself to feel like you are,and we will ALL recover from this xxxHave a good one

  42. Candie Says:

    Hi Maria, firstly you need to stop seeing yourself as weird… no one can read your mind and no one can tell anything your thinking- so it doesnt matter. I suffered with this aspect of anxiety for a long time, its one of the biggest issues for most people- however its not something your stuck with- its a habit not an illness out of your control. These thoughts are not popping up out of no where, the first initial ones may of- then you over reacted so everytime your in a certain situation now you are thinking them compulsively to test yourself to see if your in control of them. I used to be really bad for that habit, none stop everyday for 18 months or so- i had no save place where they stopped…. my mind would just carry on. Then i read the posts of those who have recovered like Scarlet, she had them too….. i started adapting my attitude and behaviour and have seen amazing improvements. Your mistake is your mentally making these thoughts bigger then they are, so what if you think something bizarre- all my friends without anxiety have thoughts things along the same lines i have….. they just felt no anxiety or guilt over them as they dont have anxiety disorder. Accept they are part of the anxiety, nothing more… dont pass judgement on yourself about them are read into the content- the content is not important as if it was everyone in the world would be reacting to there bizzare thoughts…. your reaction is whats important and needs to be ammended, then the anxiety and thoughts will fade.

  43. Candie Says:

    Hi Brian,

    I would say that you are deffinately getting the hang of things again now- understanding is key remember. Your setback caught you of gaurd, so you over reacted and without knowing it was fighting to scramble back to where you where before it…. you where putting too much pressure on yourself to make information you read make some form of sense that would get you back to the state of recovery and mind you had before the setback- all that pressure then got you more wound up with yourself, as how could you of possibly began to feel better again when you where forcing the issue and reading for relief… not understanding. You have grasped letting go again now, i’m sure things will improve in time like before and you will be stronger for it. Just remember if you have a setback, dont try to scramble back to recovery- nothing you did caused it and there was nothing you could do to prevent it…. through these worse times we gain bigger victories, you will see :)

  44. Paul David Says:

    Brian what you say before sums it up. The problem was that you were trying to find a reason for why you suddenly felt so bad and when you could come no no conclusion you started thinking you were doing something wrong, so re-read, fight, worry, well you know the drill by now and that is exactly what I did once and once in the hole we question even more, look for outside things to make things right, question everything over and over, is it any wonder we get worse, when all we should have done is ride the little storm out and it would have passed. But as I say what you say below is correct and a pat on the back for coming to that conclusion even with a little advice.

    Yes paul it makes perfect sense. i feel like a new door has opened for me after reading nicole’s post, so nicole thank you so much again. Paul and Candie, yall mentioned that people use the term “setback” too often as what they really mean is just the normal up and down affair of recovery. Well now i believe what has sent me down this 8 month road of fighting and worry was my first true setback. I thought i had faced the worst of recovery and was about to recover when the setback came. It was way worse than anything I had faced, and I had a mental “freakout”. I needed a reason for why i suddenly felt so bad, and I immediately concluded that i was no longer accepting. I thought there was no way I could be following the advice of this website if I felt so bad, so I basically blamed myself for my feelings. Well the setback never went away since I constantly fought it and tried to think of ways to accept it.

  45. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Maria,

    Welcome to the blog.

    “How do I have a conversation with someone and at the same time let myself have these thoughts?”

    Candie is right Maria no-one knows what you are thinking.
    How do you cope, well you smile, pretend that you are listening fully, (even if you are only giving 20% attention/or even 10% and have dp), nod, engage in small-talk.. in fact do all the things which you would have done before your anxiety, honestly you can do it. Take my word for it that no-one knows your thoughts unless you tell them. Eventually your confidence will start to build up, and you will realise socialising isn’t as bad as you thought it was. You must also take every opportunity you can to practise, DO NOT AVOID any situation. If you are uncomfortable with something, then do more of it. Get yourself out and about chatting with the next door neighbour, shopkeeper, friends, workmates… it soon becomes second nature…. so let the thoughts be there, do not feel the need to analyse them and do not react negatively to the thoughts when they enter your mind.

  46. Nicole Says:

    Hi Brian, I am so glad that I could help in some way. Like I said, the over analyzing and information gathering inadvertantly impeded my recovery as it kept my mind on the subject and gave it way too much to consider. As Paul said, just going back to the basics is helpful occassionally as we can become weighted down with the “how to’s” of recovery. It takes patience, but I have become more skilled at watching thoughts without engaging in them, observing my anxiety rise and fall and with this comes more mental clarity and flexability. Also, I have learned not to get too excited about the good feelings either. Good, bad, up, down, it’s all life and we can make the choice as to whether or not we are going to take every emotion personally or not.
    I have read enough to know now that recovery is real, not just a hope.
    I am sure that there will be down times, but the trick is to not interpret these sensations to mean that we are wierd, bad or forever doomed. It’s just anxiety, and life is full of many more interesting things! Gotta go and get off to work, wake the kids etc. Have a great day, Nicole

  47. Nikki Says:

    Hi all.The sun is starting to shine:-)I wanted to ask a question,since my realisation yesterday I have left myself open to all fears to surface.I didnt realise I had made so many,I feel really wobbly because every thought I have I let the little shock reactions come to and my nerves are really vibrating today and my mind is constantly on me.Despite this I feel quite serene.My question is am I doing the right thing by tying to confront all these fears /thoughts this way because its almost like I try to intensify whatever feeling I am having to see how much it holds (which as soon as i try to feel it more it just melts to nothing) although the nervey feeling remains hovering constantly.I really dont feel scared by forcing them this way but I was wondering is this allowing or fighting? I am confused!

  48. Scarlet Says:

    Maria,

    Just also wanted to say that like Candie I had no respite from disturbing thoughts for well over a year, they were with me as soon as I woke up, til the moment I went to bed, didn’t matter whether I was with loved ones, on my own, with friends, I couldn’t sleep for months either, I would lie awake all night thinking/analysing… Plus the nature of my thoughts were very disturbing and I felt enormous guilt which turned to absolute lack of emotion, and I mistook this ‘lack of emotion’ for not caring, and I feared one day I would lose control and act upon my thoughts, because I didn’t have the ‘appropriate’ emotion to these thoughts (which should have been one of disgust i felt)….

    Of course that was nonsense (which I realise now), my lack of emotion was due to a tired mind cos of all the thinking and overreacting that’s all, but I couldn’t see it that way, because my mind was too cluttered with ‘thoughts’ and I couldn’t see the wood for the trees, I gave the thoughts wayyyyy too much credit, and of course the more I feared my thoughts, the more they came thick and fast… until I made myself absolutely sick and couldn’t function.

    By the sounds of it you are getting a wee bit of peace when with your husband, so capitalise on this feeling, it will soon built up. If you are feeling anxious around certain people and the thoughts are more frequent, then see these folks more, do not avoid them – face your fears head on. Let the thoughts come in, do not give them a reaction or feel the need to analyse them any further, and carry on talking/listening, do this with all thoughts of this nature. I found it very helpful to give the thoughts a ‘yeah whatever, as if’ matter-of-fact emotion. It takes time and practice to be able to accept the thoughts in this way and not react to them negatively, but as soon as you learn to live alongside them without fearing them, they subside and eventually disappear.

    Hope this helps

    x

  49. Paul David Says:

    Nicole what you say below is true,

    I am so glad that I could help in some way. Like I said, the over analyzing and information gathering inadvertantly impeded my recovery as it kept my mind on the subject and gave it way too much to consider. As Paul said, just going back to the basics is helpful occassionally as we can become weighted down with the “how to’s” of recovery.

    We can get bogged down with the ‘how to’s’ and walk around with what’s right and wrong, sometimes we just need to get back to basics, what we have learnt is always there, we don’t have to keep reminding ourselves, otherwise as you say the subject can then begin to bog us down, we begin to question ourselves and if we are doing things right and it becomes a chore.

    I used to drift off onto the subject through habit or maybe worry about an up and coming event or tey to figure out what I would do tomorrow or tune in to how I was feeling today, replying events that had happened that day and how they went etc and I began to just snap myself back to the now, almost like having a rubberband on my wrisit and snapping it, I wanted to stop drifting off to the days events, what was going to happen tomorrow, how I was doing etc and come back to the ‘now’ and it worked I began to think and worry less and became more engaged in what I was doing at the time, I was freeing my mind up to take other things into my day, again it took a little practice and patience, but it came in time.

  50. Emily Says:

    HI everyone,

    What great advice there’s been lately; It’s been very helpful to me. I’m so happy Brian has seen through the confusion he had for a while. It gets so difficult when you get deep in it trying to figure it out and can’t remember HOW to accept because you’re trying too hard. But, we eventually find our way through those woods once we take a step back and stop fighting. (The key is to remember that the next time we get stuck in the woods!)
    I’ve been checking in ever so often and your thoughts and comments are so supportive and helpful to anyone who reads! Like Nicole said, “I have read enough to know now that recovery is real, not just a hope.”
    Thanks!!

  51. Victor Says:

    Thank you to those who gave me tips, and words of encouragement.

    To hear stories about those who had thoughts for over a year, and are doing great now gives me hope. Here I am, only a little over a month into having odd thoughts, and I think its the worst thing ever!! It actually makes me feel kind of stupid and weak. I do look at the positives though. I do not have trouble sleeping, and have never felt I will act on odd thoughts, as some of you have noted.

    However, I have to admit I am having a difficult time accepting these thoughts and not having a reaction. My biggest fear is that I will never get over these thoughts and they will be here forever. And having that fear of these thoughts, considering that they are about my daughter who I love dearly, does get me down sometimes. But now I have hope that eventually they will leave.

    I know what I have to do, but putting the plan into action is VERY difficult. I tell my self all the time “victor, you have to stop being scared. when you stop being scared, the thoughts will stop”. I just can not seem to get the strength to do it. But again, thank you to all of you who gave me tips. Hearing success stories like those of Scarlet and Candie always helps.

  52. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Victor,

    “To hear stories about those who had thoughts for over a year, and are doing great now gives me hope. Here I am, only a little over a month into having odd thoughts, and I think its the worst thing ever!! It actually makes me feel kind of stupid and weak. I do look at the positives though. I do not have trouble sleeping, and have never felt I will act on odd thoughts, as some of you have noted.”

    You’re not weak at all Victor, it IS the worst thing ever, I remember when I first started with these ‘thoughts’, didn’t realise it was anxiety, couldn’t tell anyone in case they thought I was nuts. I kept it all to myself and it escalated out of control.. At that time I hadn’t found the valuable information which is available on this site.

    “However, I have to admit I am having a difficult time accepting these thoughts and not having a reaction. My biggest fear is that I will never get over these thoughts and they will be here forever. And having that fear of these thoughts, considering that they are about my daughter who I love dearly, does get me down sometimes. But now I have hope that eventually they will leave.”

    Most of my thoughts I had were centered around my youngest son, I had PND, and the thoughts frightened me so much I couldn’t function at times. It’s very common to have obessive/intrusive thoughts about loved ones when suffering anxiety.

    As I mentioned to Maria, you must learn to give no weight to these thoughts, dismiss them as rubbish, becasue they are, do not feel the need to analyse them… They keep returning because you are fearful of them and you react with a negative emotion. If you give these thoughts no weight whatsoever, they will fade. I don’t have any thoughts that I worry about or obsess over these days…. so yes Victor your thoughts will disappear, and the sooner you are able to learn to do this, the quicker they will go. Just remember “Thoughts are not actions”

    “I know what I have to do, but putting the plan into action is VERY difficult. I tell my self all the time “victor, you have to stop being scared. when you stop being scared, the thoughts will stop”. I just can not seem to get the strength to do it. But again, thank you to all of you who gave me tips. Hearing success stories like those of Scarlet and Candie always helps.”

    Yes it’s true that when you stop fearing your thoughts, they will disappear, as it’s fear that’s keeping them alive (but of course this is easier said than done at times, I remember well myself) but you do this by accepting the thought when it enters your mind, and do not analyse any it further, (basically cut it off before you go into secondary thinking) and of course if you can attach a matter-of-fact ‘yeah whatever’ emotion all the better. Carry on with normal daily activities, dand o not avoid anything that’s required for normal living, spend as much time as you can with your daughter, regardless of any thoughts… and live alongside your thoughts for a while until your new habit of not analysing and dismissing takes over… which it will.

  53. Candie Says:

    I Second what Scarlet says too Victor, infact i learnt it from her posts and its what put my recovery firmly in place and i continue to recover. Its good you know all this information early on, the only reason myself, scarlet and others feared carrying out silly thoughts is we didnt have the answers straight away so where left to deal with this on our own… ofcourse that makes the fear worse and the whatifs creep in. Dont worry though, sounds like you have nipped this in the bud so your anxiety wont advance to that level of fear.

  54. louise Says:

    Afternoon everyone,MARIA,just wanted to say that i can totally relate to that “open book”feeling when talking to others,and im at my worse around people who in the past have commented on my “nature” i over compensate around these people and as im trying too hard and thinking too much i always wind up more nervous an overwhelmed!!Its not nice,ive spent years of my life avoiding certain people and places,i even blamed them at one point!!!!!!!!!!I do still feel stange/odd around these people but i do my best NOT to avoid them anymore,its not easy but it is the ONLY way!!!Im trying to make new thinking habits and behaviours and facing my fears,facing being nervous,awkward on “edge”coming through the other side and realising that all it is is “uncomfortable feelings”I hope one day ill get there and where theres hope……..Keep the faith MariaxxxxHad visitors over lastnight and it went really well,this was despite me being an absolute wreck,i discovered earlier on that day id lost my and my 3 kids passports!OFF on holiday soon and im gonna have to eat into our savings to get new ones NIGHTMARE!!Still to tell my husband too!

  55. Paul David Says:

    Louise you say: I do still feel stange/odd around these people but i do my best NOT to avoid them anymore,its not easy but it is the ONLY way!!!Im trying to make new thinking habits and behaviours and facing my fears,facing being nervous,awkward on “edge”coming through the other side and realising that all it is is “uncomfortable feelings”I hope one day ill get there and where theres hope……..

    Your right and that is the only way, we have to go through it to change habits and behaviours and I fully relate to what you say, the people I was more bothered about in my life, friends who had no clue what I was going through, I automatically wanted it to go well so tried to hard which made things worse, so I just gave in to the fact that if I come across as odd or strange then so be it, I was sick of acting and with this attitude it was a lot easier, mainly as I let go and calmed a little but also did not watch myself as much and worry about how I was coming across, its a up and down road but with your willingness to move forward you will find things much easier in time, I promise.

    Paul

  56. clara Says:

    hi Scarlett
    just wanted to say to you that im suffering the same thing as wht you went through.
    When I had my son 2 years ago i had awful obssesive intrusive thoughts and visions popping into my head of hurting him :(
    of course i hadnt a clue what was wrong with me and so i was trapped in my own mind and never had a spare minute where i hadnt panicked i was at my lowest!
    Since then ive had another baby a baby girl and the thoughts are still there but now centered around her and not so much my son
    although at times i find myself worrying about harming anyone who comes to my house sounds so silly but it really makes me so nervous and scared
    anyway just wanted to say hello its so nice to know im not alone on this as i previously thought when it first appeared
    clara x

  57. Kashawn Says:

    Hi Everyone :)

    Just wanted to leave a comment that can summarize the road to recovery and helps me alot; its from a post Paul posted a couple weeks back.

    “When the Anxiety curtain falls (all physical and emotional anxiety symptoms) during the day, so be it, see it all as just a feeling, nothing more and move on with tasks”

    -Have faith in your body, its the best healing sytem in the world.

    Cheers
    Kashawn.

  58. clara Says:

    Those are fab comments Kashawn
    :)

  59. Maria Says:

    To all of you, Candie, Scarlet, Louise – for the kind, wonderful responses – I thank you more than you know. I can’t even describe to you how it felt to read these comments (and everyone else’s) – to hear that there are others who feel the exact same way – it was almost as if you were describing my thoughts and feelings exactly! It’s such a relief to have told my situation to someone – it’s like the biggest weight has been lifted. For so long I have wanted to tell someone about what I’m going through and didn’t know who. I have felt so trapped, alone, and sad. And then I came across this site and I felt such relief. I was scared to post at first – I was nervous to check back – because I had shared so much – the anxiety of course trying to get me – but then when I read what everyone had to say I was so glad I decided to share my feelings. I take every piece of advice to heart and I plan to use what I’ve learned from all of you. I pray that it works. I know that reading and sharing has already made a huge difference in how I feel. Thank you all! I will be checking back soon.
    (P.S. Louise – so sorry about the passports-hope you have a good holiday anywa! :) Bye.

  60. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Clara,

    Welcome to the blog.

    “just wanted to say to you that im suffering the same thing as wht you went through.”

    Clara, what you are going through is very common for women who have had babies, you are most certainly not alone.

    “When I had my son 2 years ago i had awful obssesive intrusive thoughts and visions popping into my head of hurting him
    of course i hadnt a clue what was wrong with me and so i was trapped in my own mind and never had a spare minute where i hadnt panicked i was at my lowest!”

    Same as me, I had thoughts like this and for a while and I became afraid to even pick my baby up. Whats happened, is initially you have overreacted to a thought, become scared, and blown it out of proportion, perhaps thinking that you may carry out this thought, and this has become a habit in your way of thinking with all thoughts… this is what you need to reverse, it’s a habit… and the fear you are experiencing when you have these thoughts is what is keeping more of the same coming. You will not harm your child, it’s protective instinct in overdrive, you are protecting your child from everything, which includes even your own thoughts. As I said to Viktor, thoughts are not actions.

    “Since then ive had another baby a baby girl and the thoughts are still there but now centered around her and not so much my son
    although at times i find myself worrying about harming anyone who comes to my house sounds so silly but it really makes me so nervous and scared
    anyway just wanted to say hello its so nice to know im not alone on this as i previously thought when it first appeared”

    Having a another baby when you were not fully recovered, can bring the obsessive thoughts/anxiety back to the forefront.

    What you must do is continue with normal everyday activities, spend as much time as you can with your kids,, and avoid nothing. If you fear something, bath time, going for walks, being alone with your kids… then do more of it, whatever makes you feel uncomfortable you must DO MORE OF IT (face your fears head on).

    To deal with the thoughts, you should dismiss the thought at it enters. You do not have control of the actual thought that enters, but you do have control of where you take it… so do not feel the need to analyse these types of thoughts. If you have a thought that says I am afraid I may harm my child, say to yourself “yeah whatever, as if” and do not react with a negative emotion (i.e. one of fear) when the thought enters your mind, and do not take it any further than the initial thought. Adopt a matter-of-fact emotion to the thought if you can and carry on with what you are doing. This takes practice, but when you are able to do it (and there will come a time), the thoughts will diminish.

    Hug your kids, smile, talk to them, have fun with them, take them for outings, even if you do not feel like it, are fearful, or emotionless. You are modelling the behaviour you want to achieve, and change of habit takes time, ultimately you will start to have glimpses of your old self coming back (the one without fear)… and the less you fear your thoughts, the more you will feel back to normal. I promise you it will go, just have a bit of patience, and know that millions upon millions of women have walked in your shoes and come through the other side. I am one of them ;-).

  61. Natalie Says:

    Hello all!

    Firstly, i just wanted to say thank you to all you lot that gave me advice on my post on the last thread Re: Driving with depersonalisation. It was top notch advice as always! I haven’t started to drive again yet, but when i do i’ll let you know how it goes!

    A great post from Paul here, thank you, really useful stuff.
    I’ve stopped caring about the attention on me, however, in some conversations i will get periods where i jumble up my words as i get anxious. If i notice that i do it, then it fuels the fire and makes me more anxious, then i do it again and again and again until i tell myself that it’s okay to do so. It then gradually subsides…

    A great day all
    Natalie

  62. clara Says:

    Thanks so much Scarlett :)
    most helpful
    xx

  63. brian Says:

    Hey everyone,

    I’ve definitely been doing better over the past couple of days, but I still have a lot of symptoms that give me trouble. Right now I’m definitely in a down time. I’ve just kind of been in a bad mood today and it’s obvious whenever I’m with other people. Then I guess I become really concerned with how I am accepting and if I’m doing everything right. I keep reading this quote from Nicole because I think it applies to my situation right now:

    “The more I understand anxiety, the more I am able to step aside when I realize that I am starting to analyze everything again. It is simply an abundance of adrenalin but the mind can’t accept that there is simply nothing wrong so it turns the examination on itself.”

    It definitely is hard to believe that nothing is really wrong with me or anything I am doing right now, but just typing that makes me feel better. Also one thing that is kind of weird to me is why I feel worse a lot of the time when I visit the blog. It’s like I get scared when I start reading over posts because it brings the attention to my anxiety and i guess i get overwhelmed with all the information and if I’m doing the right thing or not. Anyways that’s where I’m at now, thanks for all the help and support guys.

  64. Nicole Says:

    Hi Brian,
    I have at times experienced an increase in anxiety when checking in with this blog as well. I believe it is because we have made anxiety such a big subject in our lives that addressing it when it seems sooooo huge can not help but bring up some anxious feelings. Recovery can hold way too much power over you. I think that you may be putting alot of pressure on yourself to feel better. God knows that I did this for a very long time and I still catch myself assessing where I am in recovery. When we do this and then a set back comes, it is easy to beat ourselves up over the fact that we brought it on ourselves again. I try to go with what Paul has said in his book “How ever I feel, I feel”, and leave it at that. Try not to see anxiety as a “monster trying to engulf you” (is that a Paul, Scarlet or Claire Weekes quote?). It is only as important as you choose to make it and your life is way more important than these sensations that are passing through your body at the moment.
    I am not completely recovered but some things are definitely much clearer now than they were in the past. I have actually been experiencing alot of symptoms these past few days because the Month of May is crazy for us! Both of our kids have their birthdays, my husband just had surgery and money is tight and then there is the usual stress of working full time witha family etc.
    This is an opportunity for me to just step back and apply Paul’s principles again and smile at the return of an old friend. Blah, blah, blah. I think that I am starting to babble again. Time for a run to burn off some of that adrenalin. Lets keep our heads up Brian and not take these feelings so personally. That approach never helps anyway. Enjoy the rest of your week-end. Nicole

  65. Nikki Says:

    Hi all. I have a question for candie,scarlet or paul.I believe I have found the right path and finally understand your message but could you please clarify for me that what I am doing/not doing is correct.I understand why I feel the way I do its all sensitised nerves engaging my brain and emotions and basically making me overreact to thoughts feelings or situations I am in.I do not fear these things happening anymore as i understand.I do not fear feeling worse.I welcome the feelings sometimes searching to see if i can intesify them almost testing to see what they hold.I go everywhere i want/need to even if i feel terrible.I am willing to wait for these feelings to receed.I have horrible thoughts that I let be there and float over because i know they are the symptoms of adrenalin and over active imagination. I would really like for someone to clarify that is what you are teaching. Do nothing live with it all there some days good some days bad with full attention on me.If this is the correct way I feel that as bad as things sound they are not unbearable and I can continue to do this for as long as neccessary whatever mood I am in.Thank you x x

  66. Scarlet Says:

    Nikki i would say spot on hun..

    xxx

  67. clare Says:

    hi i just want to say that i too have trouble with this and because of this i have not had a night out for nearly 4 years so lat night decided i was going to go with my friend who i havent been out with for nearly 2 years as it was her birthday. as i was getting ready, my anxiety kicked in something rotten, heart palpitations hot flushes telling myself not to go i thought no matter what or how i feel im going. when i got to my friends there was a group of girls there who were going aswell. my anxiety kicked of tremendously back to my thoughts of i cant make a show of myself can they see festering here i was thinking of all kinds of excuses that i could say as i really did not want to go. the taxi came and i sat in the back of it never spoke to anyone kept thinking about myself n how i was feeling i hated the whole night. i couldnt wait to go home , but i was proud that i didnt turn back and let the anxiety keep me in once again. i do live with this anxiety but cant help but pay attention to it???? i dont understand the concept of not paying any attention to it ???? how can you not pay attention to it when its causing so many problems that cant be carried on with???? please please please give me some ideas i need to get on the right path to recovery ive suffered now for 4 years and its getting completely on my nerves!!!!

  68. lorryt Says:

    hi all

    just starting to realise that these things will go of their accord and that i am following the right path. after having some great days and so far the weekend is going lovely, i havent worried or thought or had anything bothering me at all, so to all those who are doubting, re examining, stressing and generally worrying about it. DONT, i have done it for far too long and it has dominated my life f or far too long. i was just going bout it the wrong way, this is truly the path for me. i can live for today. please remind me of this if i ever doubt myself again.!!. it may have taken a long time and i know im not 100% yet, but i can finally see that i can reach it, but not with trying, it will come to me, rather than me willing myself toward it!. im not great with words, but i speak truly from the heart. you guys are sooo great and soo supportive xxxxxxxx
    have a great weekend allxxxxx

  69. Nikki Says:

    Thanks scarlettxx I am having a very intense time at the moment with constant focus on me and the anxiety subject.I just needed some reasurance that to be overly attentive and 100 % focused on myself is ‘the way the program runs’.I am going to take a break from the blog for a while as i think i need to bring new subjects into mind (I realise at the back of my mind i will still have the anxiety issue ) but I think if i can stop making it part of my day,my thoughts,my subject and move on to include new interests eventually maybe a few minutes at a time this concentrating on me will lift. x x

  70. sasha Says:

    hi Paul & kashawn
    I really was looking forward to that post and u posted it timingly thanks a lot it makes a lot of sense..and Kashawn it was a lot of reassurances to hear from another person who is on the verge of full recovery..it gives a lot of faith…thanks

  71. JR Says:

    clare don’t be to hard on yourself and give yourself some credit, you went even though everything in you body and mind was telling you not to…that’s the first step!

    as we get better can we get too excited about recovery and therefore release more adrenalin, but the excited kind? does excited adrenalin sensitize the nerves too?

    also in my recovery if gotten to these stages where I feel much better, better than I have in years and I comparing it to how I felt years ago when this all began. It’s almost like I fell the same symptoms and think the same things on my way out of this condition as I did when I was falling into it.

  72. brian Says:

    Hi Nicole,

    Your right, I definitely am putting too much pressure on myself to recover, but sometimes it is really hard not too because my anxiety over the past 8 months has been different from anything it has ever been in the past. So often it just feels like I am doing something wrong, like I don’t feel like I’m accepting.

    Candie, I was reading over some posts and saw earlier you said:
    “To me a setback isnt even about how i think or feel, its about how i feel like i cant react with the right response to the anxiety so il feel worse for it.”
    This is exactly how I felt 8 months ago when I had my first setback, and really it’s how I still feel most of the time now. I just feel like I’m not reacting the right way to my feelings, and that’s what bothers me. I remember what it’s like to accept and to really not care how you feel, but that is so far from my attitude now. I’m hoping that in time I will relearn how to accept.

    Thanks Nicole for all the help, hope you get through the month of May ok. It’s a tough month for me to. I’ve got final exams in a week! Reading your advice helps a lot, so thanks.

  73. Katie Says:

    off-the-topic, whats everyone done for bank holiday weekend??
    it wr my daughters 2nd birthday yesterday so we had a huge party!were supposed to be a tea party but turned out to be real busy!it wr real gud though.she loved it.and her little face wen she seen her bunnies that we got her-she adored them!

  74. mike Says:

    clare, well done you have proved you can do it. be proud that you faced this thing head on. small steps clare and you will be dancing on the town every weekend.
    katie been a cool weekend. mate got married saturday and it was a top day. sunday morning wasnt too good feeling rough and then i saw the ricky hatton result and saints v wigan result so that brought me down to earth a little bit. glad your little girls part went well.
    brian all the best with your exams mate youll pass. if you can beat anxiety you can pass an exam. all the best.
    mike

  75. JR Says:

    ok i’m struggling at the moment I’m having a major setback, but all the while feel like my DP is wearing off or leaving in layers. I feel more with the world and have a deeper sense of self to draw from. My vision is improving and I can see a little depth, when I walk into a dark room my vision adjusts quicker now. This is all improving. But now my mind is racing so fast with obsessive thoughts about my relationship and others things…the thoughts are so strong and real. I had multiple panic attacks last night, one before I went to sleep, then many in my sleep. I woke up covered in sweat with my mind racing. While I sleep I notice my panic attack and I can hear my mind, if that makes sense. I find myself telling my self to not fight and feel the panic through! All this in my sleep.
    I have to think that the DP was “freeze” all these body reactions up or at least keeping them from being so real. Now they feel so real. And my body and mind is so sensitize and now I can FEEL it. Just a crick in the house or a loud noise will set my heart off.
    Also, I’m noticing how much I act through everything. Say as soon as my wife enters the room or my boss etc. somethings switches in my mind and I start acting like everything is ok and start making jokes. I guess my true self is surfacing somewhat, but this is all so scary. So this is so long…

  76. Kashawn Says:

    JR,

    Thats all good news bro, your old self is resurfacing and it may feel odd at first but just allow it all to unfold for you; keep living on focusing outward, it looks like your at the end stages of recovery CHEERS!!!!

    All the best.

  77. louise Says:

    Morning al,hope the holiday weekend was kind!!Had relatives over,went ok,but ive noticed that after social encounters i feel worse,im assuming this is because ive avoided for so long that being in others company seems almost foreign.There are times during conversations that i feel awful,my heart is beating like a military tattoo in my chest,dp kicks in,im not following any of the conversation paranoia is ripping out of me and i feel like i want to turn on my heels and RUN!!!!!Am i right in thinking that on these occasions i stand my ground,go through it,feeling it all,accepting and see it through????Im not exaggerating i feel all of the above and more,the other day talking to someone i couldnt string a sentence together,and she only said “HELLO”LOL!!!Uck,im getting to the point where i dont care “what will be will be” im on the road to recovery now im sure of it!! Kids are back at school,ive a mountain of washing to catch up with so im off to get started,speak soon xxxxxxxx

  78. lisa Says:

    louise, your spot on. accept it all there, stick your fingers up at it and carry on with your conversation, your washing, etc.. your telling it your not important, your boring, you dont care but keep doing it until it becomes your new habit.. youv noticed your on the road to recovery yourself so a positive for you well done :-) cant believe the weather pouring down here, off to do me food shopping, im sure my kids are on growing spirts.lol

  79. Candie Says:

    Louise the moment you feel like you should do something (run), that is your fight or flight reacting to your sensitized state. The more you dont run and face the moment the more the fear and anxiety dies down and you can react with a normal response to an everyday normal situation. I used to feel worse after plenty of things, but i kept doing them and eventually your mind just accepts not to be afraid anymore and you lose fear. So even if you feel fear next time, think to yourself ”its never harmed me before, i just dont like the feeling- however confronting it is the way forward”. No fear if it be of a thought, feeling, situation ANYTHING can survive if you face it as eventually your body corrects itself and you can react appropriately. Remember thousands of us have done it before, all successful- you can be too! :)

  80. john s Says:

    Hi, Im struggling again. I felt awful on thursday and friday. Really down and really tired and so out of it. I think i tried to make myself feel better them two days which is wrong of course. I went out saturday night and let myself feel bad, really embraced my feelings and then on sunday i went to see Derren Brown. Through all of this my nerves felt like they were on fire and the attention was on me but i never tried to fix it and the nights were quite good. However, each morning iv woke up feeling intense dread and can barely have the energy to talk to my girlfriend. It seems like my emotions are freezing up again as opposed to defrosting. Im not afraid anymore of going places its more like im just feeling more strange again and depressed again. I really want the numbness and depressing feeling to go cos i can handle having the irritable, nervous feeling, tight band around my head, tiredness, racing mind. Iv had this for 2 and half years to varying degrees and im just so bored of it all. I couldnt of imagined going to see derren brown a couple of months ago so my attitude has changed but i just dont seem to be losing symptom at all. Paul says he knew he was on the right track in recovery and sometimes i feel like that but i really havent felt like that the last couple of days. Im in a bad mood, so apologies to all x x

  81. john s Says:

    A couple of weeks ago, some emotions returned like i was watchin tennis and i felt feelings i used to when i played tennis. The same happens when i hear a song and im reminded how i used to feel when i felt it. I felt alot of love for my girlfriend but that seems to of disappeared again. Which is crazy because I know deep dwn i do love her im just not able to feel it. Is this how it works? Comes back and goes again? I still think, although i have lost alot of fear im perhaps just putting up with symptoms sometimes

  82. john s Says:

    Sorry, last one for sure, would you say that when we fully embrace our feelings and let them come in that they increase at first? Because there is no resistance at all and we are letting them come completely?
    Sorry again for posting so much
    John S

  83. mac Says:

    hey everyone is have a question how do u even begin to start accepting and saying to yourself how ever you feel, you feel. i tell myself that im going to feel awkward at first and not well but thats the process yet and i can’t even begin because right away i feel like im looking at myself or thinking about myself then i get upset right away. i have felt this way for 3 straight years where i ddont even geta break because i am soo consume dwith myself. how do you even start this recovery voyage when immediately im already complaining and worried????

  84. Candie Says:

    Mac- easily… accept you may worry or feel consumed with yourself- allow it. That way you are removing the doubled anxiety. We must first remove the over reaction to our anxiety before we can contemplate been rational about things- so stop trying to be ‘fine’ about all this.. your resisting still doing that as your trying to make yourself feel something that isnt yet there. Instead understand its ok to be worried and so self focussed… its been you for so long, dont resist this and you wont be adding and fuelling your anxiety…. can you see you are making room for natural improvements as your removing a lot of tension. Eventually the new habit of not reacting branches out and takes over other areas of your anxiety habit and before you know it… your well away with recovery! The best way i can describe acceptance is that you dont have to be happy as larry to experience symptoms, just acknowledge the mind and body can bring you out of them naturally (its all built in and you dont need to force fix yourself) if you dont interfere. So say if i feel really anxious, i remember that its never harmed me before and if i leave it be it will pass of its own accord… can you see there is no resistance there. If i was to think ‘oh god, its back.. what can i do about this, shall i go try read something to try put it into perspective, shall i go to bed and get on with the day when its gone, what have i done wrong, why do i feel bad.. how can i get rid of this, how can i make it right, how can i be rational’- that reaction then takes anxiety to a whole new level. You cant make anxiety not matter, acceptance is a process of knowledge and allowing… you dont have to be happy to be anxious, just understand inside you have something already there waiting to fix you if you step out the way and let it.

  85. Candie Says:

    John you are right, when you face something at first your anxiety may get higher… dont be bluffed though the reaction dies down eventually. These moments of emotion build up into 20 mins, hours, days and weeks…… i rarely feel emotionally numb now- this time last year i felt love and enjoyment for nothing! If someone was to say ‘candie you have won the lottery’ i’d of thought, yea but i have anxiety so whats the point! Now id be doing back flips and anxiety wouldnt get a second thought lol

  86. mac Says:

    ok great thank you, i guess its just a build of constantly fighting with myself for 3 years and through all the thoughts and feelings, i feel like i can’t get out of this funk. i will take your advice and it is greatly appreciated!!!! thank you

  87. Paul David Says:

    The main point really is that while you concentrate and care so much what is happening inside, you are less outward, this can lead to feelings of detachment from the world around you. Understanding why you feel like you do can make you worry and tune in less, which in turn makes you feel more outward and the better you feel and then the less you tune in, a cycle changes. Its the ‘how do I feel’ , ‘How can I make it better’ , ‘Why do feel so bad today’ its the constant inward looking that needs to change, then we begin to feel more outward and in tune with the world around us.

    When I did not understood why I felt like I did, I did nothing but worry and tune in, try and fix it, I became so inward I could hardly function. Once I had an understanding of how I felt I began not to worry so much, stopped trying to make it right, stopped tuning in and stopped being so impressed by how I felt.

    Yes I was still stuck in a habit of my attention being on me, but that was fine, this would pass and I would not try and not feel this way, but I would no longer worry about feeling this way and no longer try and make it right, that was the difference, same feeling, different attitude.

    Paul

  88. louise Says:

    Same feeling,different attitude,ill go with that paul!!I also hang on to what CANDIE said in a previous post “none of this where born this way”i have in the past spoke of always being anxious,always lacking in confidence,but when i look way way back,i see a VERY confident wee girl,always first up to dance/sing,i was even the lead character in a play at school!!Where has she gone??Somewhere along the way ive lost my way,im no longer concerned about the past and how i got where im at today,the past cant be changed,but the future can be shaped.On bad days i want to throw in the towel,wallow in selfpity and remain in my safe haven(easy done)but thats the easy way out,theres nothing to be gained,life is for living and i no longer want to live my life in FEAR so im staring it straight in the face and telling it to do its worse!!!!!Sorry to rabble on,but its the best feeling to say this and no that i mean it,speak soon thanx for all your advice xxxxx

  89. mike pickavance Says:

    louise thats the way to do it my dear BRING IT ON!! come on we can all take this thing on. have a good wednesday!!

  90. Nikki Says:

    Hi all how you doing? I have been having a really good day so far today.I have been following advice to the letter as i wrote before but as of yesterday I have had a change in my feelings.Usually I can intesify my bad feelings and make a little panic happen but now iv stopped being able to do it.Which is weird because now Im not feeling these little panics anymore I am missing them. I feel like I have something to worry about but cant remember what it is. I am trying to find my heavy cloud and its not there.Its almost as if I dont want to feel normal again because it will make it easier to bare if i continue to feel rubbish. I know that my ‘cloud’will return at some point and I should just enjoy today for what it is but I cant help but feel something is missing.Can anyone relate?

  91. Nicole Says:

    Hi Nikki,
    I know exactly what you mean! I have had the same experience where I feel a little lost and unsure because the same old anxiety that I have been used to dealing with is not around. We are re-balancing in a sense, and the brain is letting go of the need to worry. I feel a little empty at times. Very hard to explain!
    Have a good night,
    Nicole

  92. sasha Says:

    Hi Paul,

    I just wanted to thank you Paul as the last post u wrote in blog was very informative i guess its working for me… As u said ‘just think its there anyways…i dont have time to sit and waste thinking about it so be there i have lots of stuffs to do…i got what u meant now!…instead of enjoying few moments of the day thinking oh God when will i spoil my day when is it going to hit me out of the blue…
    So the new method is working its been 2 days …m ok hope it continues…now im living with it not trying to forget or thinking when will Mr. anxiety arrive?Keep posting such posts though its a simple piece of advice it can help in developing an attittude of embracing it and once we do that its no big deal as we are people who are anxious most of the time so this new attittude will help in lightening any situation in life…God bless hope it continues….thank u Paul!!!

  93. Kashawn Says:

    Nikki,

    This “empty” feeling happens because your mind is so used to worrying about a certain anxiety symptom; your knowledge of the anxiety condition has put the constant thinking to a halt, your mind is regaining its balance and it may feel strange at first but ITS A GOOD thing, your mind is recovering, give it time youl feel more and more normal and at ease as the days pass. Im happy for you:)

    all the best
    Kashawn.

  94. teresa Says:

    Hiya all
    Just a quick catch up – hope everyone is doing ok. I have noticed an increasing understanding thanks to everyone. I have now realised that I don’t need to think good thoughts to remove the bad – I’d become trapped in a search to remove the bad. I am starting to ‘understand’ that acceptance comes to you – it’s the middle balance your brain finds when it realises it has nothing to panic over. Hence the reason when you’re distracted you lose your symptoms – or when you find an acceptable answer to a current symptom or indeed give up through pure weariness, a peace drops in – that’s the peace you find with acceptance, but you can’t search for it – it comes. Little by little – I’m a mere novice here, but bit by bit I’m getting stronger.

    How are you Candie, how’s that baby you’re growing – bet it’s quite lively now! I did get Wills book and I am finding it very good at increasing my understanding that much further, thanks for your advice. Hope you are taking plenty of rest -you’ll soon need all your energy for pushing your baby out into the ‘bbq’ summer we’re about to have!

    All – keep keeping the faith and looking forward

  95. teresa Says:

    Paul – great post, sometimes things really hit home – the tuning in and the fact that when we understand we tune in less and less was really helpful and hit a chord with me at the moment. Thank you

  96. Paul David Says:

    Thanks Trisha and Teresa for your comments, I am really glad a post or a reply helps.

    Sasha you say: So the new method is working its been 2 days …m ok hope it continues…now im living with it not trying to forget or thinking when will Mr. anxiety arrive?

    You are correct and a lot of people think they can only have a good day if mr anxiety keeps away, the best way to is to not care if he’s there or not, don’t go around watching how you feel and then hunching your shoulders because you don’t feel great, don’t let a feeling win again. If mr anxiety wants to come then allow him to, I got to the point where I hardly noticed my ups and downs, I was too busy living and that is the point you will get to. Never make it something not to be there at all costs, using safety behaviours to make you feel better in the short run. The next post will go more into this.

  97. louise Says:

    Looking forward to the next post paul,as ive said before safety behaviours are a Big problem for me,you know avoidance gets you nowhere but it takes a lot of courage to move towards your fears.Ive been reading a clare weekes book and trying to educate myself more on anxiety,dont worry though,i havent been overdoing the whole “research”thing i understand the importance of living and it can get very draining always talking/thinking/reading anxiety.Fear is my biggest problem,but i know im getting stronger,and one day at a time ill overcome!!Hope everyone is well speak soon xxxxx

  98. Nikki Says:

    Hi kashawn thanks for that post:-) That makes perfect sense and you are quite right I do have a deeper understanding of anxiety now.I know why things are happening as they are.I have ,as i said had a massive switch in how I feel since the weekend at the moment when I get up in the morning I feel really low mood/depressed even with high anxiety levels, but as the day wears on this subsides until about five in the evening I am feeling nearly normal.I am not too impressed by this as being normal is just me.I expect the low mood to decrease and the feeling of normality to increase and i also expext a bam of setback .I have also noticed my irrational fear is getting a bit stronger at the moment,I think it is because i dont worry about the anxiety symptoms anymore (they had become quite comforting in a weird way???)so this is becoming my new worry.I also think the higher anxiety and depression in the morning is just a bit of shock because i feel so good at night.I f anything I am more interested to see how my body is rebalancing itself so I have more knowledge about the subject and how my body reacts not because i am worrying or obsessing about me if that makes sense.I am now feeling symptoms that i can remember feeling before the anxiety hit such as an aching/tingling feeling in my lower back and increased tension in my chest and a burning feeling under my skin. I had thought i was ill before being diagnosed with anxiety in january.I know its going to be a while before I am recovered,I feel like an observer and i hope once I am recovered to help others in my area who may be experiencing the same as all of us.I hope you are all ok x x x

  99. lisa Says:

    mr anxiety i luv it..lol ;-)

  100. Nikki Says:

    Hi all I am having THE WORST feelings today.I didnt want to get up and do any thing this morning I felt really rubbish But I have never avoided ever,so I got up got the kids ready for school I am tidying up and going to asda and no I dont want to, no rephrase, anxiety is saying I dont want !!!I feel very close to tears for some reason but these feelings are not going to make me sit and wallow.Although i was earlier looking through pauls book for some comforting words until i realised that the words wont help the feelings they just give courage to continue when you feel like running away. Knowing there is also soeone else out there doig exactly the same as me feeling the way i do is also comforting.So to everyone having a crap day keep on keeping on!!!!

  101. Nikki Says:

    Sorry for posting again so soon Il bet your all sick of me but I have noticed that I might understand where the am i fighting/accepting questioning comes from because carrying on this morning despite how i feel feels like fighting to continue your day and if i sat down and just felt rubbish and cried would feel like accepting how i feel. I know that this isnt the case (that would just be feeling sorry for yourself) but i can understand now how we all get confused x x x

  102. louise Says:

    Hey everyone,i know clare weekes books have been mentioned before but i just want to reiterate how good they are,im reading one now and find it totally compliments all of pauls advice.Its so comforting to know you dont have to “fight”anxiety it feels good to just relax and have a come what may attitude.Ive been battling for so long and got nowhere what a relief to give it all up.Im “getting it”now,slowly but surely things are starting to piece together.I struggle with social phobia,talking on the telephone and bouts of extreme self-conciousness-but im finally ready to face it all,im sick to the back teeth of fear and avoidance,i know for sure ill be a wreck in some situations im getting ready to put myself in but i also know recovery for me will be found when i face my demons,take fear anxiety take it all with me and go right ahead and do it ANYWAY!!have a good weekend all speak soon xxxxxxx

  103. Kashawn Says:

    Hi Nikki,

    No one is sick of you, we are all here to help each other so write away!!

    When I read your post, I smiled because I know where you are coming from. You see, when you wake up and you feel anxiety right when you get walking around, your mind sees it as a problem so what do we do? WE WORRY AND WORRY AND WORRY…I know self pity comes in along with all the emotional and physical symptoms of anxiety but “so be it” should be the attitude as you know. You have to learn to see all these symptoms of anxiety (both emotional and physical) including depression, self pity, questioning, and obessions as part of the Anxiety storms; you say you notice yourself questioning throughtout the day, so be it let the questions come JUST DONT ADD TO THEM THIS IS THE KEY. Time will teach you to accept these anxiety storms and work with them there and focus on the outward task you are doing.

    I went from waking up hating the anxiety symptoms, feeding every symptom to where I am now, which is simply smiling off all the symptoms, focusing on the task Im doing despite how crap I feel at times-its a habit that you grow to understand and honestly accept, the more you do it the more things clear up and you see your old self coming back!!!

    Its amazing 2 be honest :)

    All the best
    Kashawn.

  104. Nikki Says:

    Thank you for your words of support:-).I have reached the point in my day here my nerves have calmed down so I am able to relax.Its weird from the time I get up till about now it feels like i have been on some sort of drug!! I get increased nervous excitement almost like a kid on christmas day.This feeling makes my body want to rush around doing all the cleaning/work but underneath im really tired and my mind is very aware of this feeling because as i said its a real hyper feeling but my mind is very clear I am able to switch thoughts on and off easily. Then at this time of day i just feel normal but as if i have had a draining day at work.This has only been happening since the weekend so I am adapting as best i can.I dont mind the other symptoms i have become used to them which is obviously why they have subsided.I do hate my anxiety symptoms but I accept they are here till they have done and there is nothing except perhaps try not to get to frustrated by them that i can do to feel better.I do everything as i did before.I do have a strong inner voice that helps me and advises but I am so thankfull for this site that gives me a chance to vent.I am sorry for always talking about me, I dont seem to offer much advice i just hope that explaining how i feel might help someone else make sense of what they are feeling.Thank you kashawn x x

  105. Nikki Says:

    I am worrying this subject to death today.Im doing my own head in.I know why too. I have a verrucca on my foot iknow its there but i dont constantly worry about how its going to feel tomorow or what if i have to go swimming!!!!I know what you mean paul about let other things in but i need to let this go and just be moving through and going anywhere at will is just not enough.This subject has been on my mind for days at the back of my head and i need to let go and be interested in life again Im holding my own progress back by raking things over.

  106. JR Says:

    good advice Kashawn. are you in the UK or US?

  107. Tracey Says:

    This question is for Candie, Scarlet or any of the girls on here (sorry guys for bringing this up) but I noticed when its that time of the month my mind starts to race alittle bit again like it used to, going back to old thoughts that bothered me before etc…i’m going thru that right now but then when that time of the month is over I go back to a normal clear mind. I know I should do what I’ve been doing just going thru this and let it come then let it go but I noticed its harder at this time…is that because anxiety levels are higher do to the hormones?

  108. Kashawn Says:

    Hey JR

    Im actually in Canada :)

  109. Candie Says:

    Tracey yes this is very common for women, was the same for me and a lot of the women here! Pregnancy is a lot worse then time of month and iv still got far with pregnancy hormones so dont threat, as you recover ya tend to feel not as bad at time of month too :)

  110. Scarlet Says:

    Tracey,

    Yes for women it is usually worse for a while during PMT time due to fluctuating hormones, and once you are well recovered it will settle down down again. Have you tried Vitex Agnus Castus?, it’s meant to be good for regulating hormones due to PMT and menopause, and can help with anxiety as well. Not to be taken if you are taking ADs mind you. I don’t have any anxiety at this time now, but can feel a bit spaced out (and scatty) sometimes, not anxiety related mind you ;-).

  111. Stephen Says:

    Hi scarlet and candie

    How have you been? after quite a few pink days (thought i was there..Grrrr i have had a setback and somewhat still in it so kinda back to grey moments here and there :( . I was feeling normal and suddently got a random thought that made me think back to past suffering and how i felt ‘down’ ect and it suddently made me feel quite down for a little bit…well i think i felt down or it was just a huge rush of adrenaline and i was shocked how quick the thought happened and i reacted it and how my mood changed and i felt bad for abit. Ofcourse this left my mind jumping from one thing to another thinking i sure do have bipolar cuz my mood changed and i felt really down when this though came.

    I feel like i have achieved so much in my recovery journey and feel quite normal as i sit here and type this but why does the though of mental illnesses freak me out so much? i know both of you mentioned you went through this stage on and off during your anxiety. It just a very uneasy topic for me to deal with. Will i not be fully recovered until this doesnt bother me anymore? and is it normal to think that your mind is weird and different from everyone like your mentally astranged?

    sorry about all the questions, but i personally think i have made huge strides and feeling alot better laterly. This post is excellent as it has been my main symptom recently…just always checking up on how im feeling inside.

    Stephen

  112. Fiona Says:

    Hi folks, hope everyone is well!!! I’ve been a bit up and down myself and really know where your coming from Nikki as i’m having those sort of emotional rollercoaster days! It is rather confusing at times. Can i just recommend a book to anyone that is interested in dealing with negative thought patterns and cutting off from negative thoughts. The book is called Stop Thinking Start Living by Richard Carlson. For a guy that has not been a sufferer (unlike Paul, Claire Weekes or Will) he is pretty on the ball. In fact his ideas are very similar to the ones in Will’s book and i couldn’t help but wonder if Will hadn’t taken a bit of inspiration from him…. if not they have came to very similar conclusion. Paul i hope you dont mind me recommending this book on your blog, i wouldn’t bother if i didn’t think it would be useful for people.
    The rain has stopped up here in Scotland Yay.
    Fiona xxx

  113. lisa Says:

    stephen, its just a thought thats all, let it in let it go.think we all get them at times but it will come and go just dont fear it, or add fear to it, laugh at it :-) its been lovely here today, bit breezy but now its pouring down. had a great day out shopping for kids new clothes, school uniforms, then haircuts, its never ending..lol. got my sons presentation for football tomorrow so really looking forward to that. anybody else been anywhere this weekend? wel time for tea, have a good weekend everyone ;-)

  114. Candie Says:

    Stephen, a bipolars mood jumps up and down for no reason between severe depression and high mania. But this is for NO REASON, yours dipped as a reaction to an anxiety thought… that is deffo not bipolar. You need to let this go now, no matter how real it can seem at times (like anxiety thoughts do), it is not real- a bipolar doesnt fear been bipolar, nor are they generally aware of there swift mood changes. Even though i have given you an explanation your mind will challenge this, you need to dismiss your fear and let it be inorder to see it for what it is.

  115. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Stephen,

    “How have you been? after quite a few pink days (thought i was there..Grrrr i have had a setback and somewhat still in it so kinda back to grey moments here and there . I was feeling normal and suddently got a random thought that made me think back to past suffering and how i felt ‘down’ ect and it suddently made me feel quite down for a little bit…well i think i felt down or it was just a huge rush of adrenaline and i was shocked how quick the thought happened and i reacted it and how my mood changed and i felt bad for abit. Ofcourse this left my mind jumping from one thing to another thinking i sure do have bipolar cuz my mood changed and i felt really down when this though came.”

    It can seem like rapid mood swings Stephen, the difference is that anxiety sufferers swing back and forth between their normal personality back to being depressed and anxious. Those with bipolar don’t have grey days as such, they rotate between feeling extremely depressed and being euphoric, and their mood changes are quite intense.

    “I feel like i have achieved so much in my recovery journey and feel quite normal as i sit here and type this but why does the though of mental illnesses freak me out so much? i know both of you mentioned you went through this stage on and off during your anxiety. It just a very uneasy topic for me to deal with. Will i not be fully recovered until this doesnt bother me anymore? and is it normal to think that your mind is weird and different from everyone like your mentally astranged?”

    You have come a long way and pretty fast I’d say Stephen. I had the fear of mental illness as well, with some it’s social anxiety and with others it’s health anxiety, the thoughts are based on what you fear the most, and for me it was being schizophrenic.. I never worried about having a terminal disease or anything like that, in fact there were times I positively welcomed it. My greatest fear, like you Stephen was becoming crazy. You will not become fully recovered until it bothers you no more, and there WILL come a time when you won’t fear thoughts like this, so you must dismiss them as rubbish for the time being, and not react with a negative emotional response, and this way they will taper off. And yes it is normal for those with anxiety to think their mind is weird and different from everyone elses. Thing is it’s not really, it’s just that those with anxiety overreact to their thoguhts, and become afraid of them, creating more of the same type of thoughts. When those without anxiety have an irrational thought, they can dismiss it and move on.

  116. Scarlet Says:

    Fiona,

    Thanks for the recommendation, I love Richard Carlson, I have most of his books…

    Lovely weekend everyone.

    x

  117. Nicole Says:

    Happy Mother’s Day!

  118. Nicole Says:

    Sorry, I pushed the submit button too early there. I just wanted to mention that I can relate to the fear of mental illness Stephen, this is something that i had trouble dealing with as well. It has become less and less of a fear as I have begun to understand that anxiety is not a terminal illness, it is something that one can live with and overcome. I agree with Scarlet in that our minds will create what we fear the most and I was the exact same – no social anxiety, fear of death but just an inner fear of thoughts and the accompanying feelings. If I thought (and this still happens) about my fears – deep depression or a breakdown my body would automatically respond with fear. I really don’t even know what is was that I was fearing; I just felt that I would fall into oblivion I guess.
    But this is just a concept that my mind conjered up, it is not reality. It is something that stills throws me at times, but with patience I know that it will fade completely as so many of my other symptoms have faded. Don’t get me wrong, there are still many moments when I feel like crap and realize that my body and mind are still reacting with fear however I have gained enough confidence in coming through these times to feel that I will in time come all the way through. Anyways, enjoy your day moms; off to yoga!

  119. Nikki Says:

    Hello all:-) I have had a few days away from the blog and I have come to some new understanding.I believe that although I have not shied away from normal life and going out and have been following advice, I realise now that all the time in the back of my mind i have been thinking about anxiety.Thoughts such as “this all started about 5 months ago so may take about that long to go so it might be gone by about september” and “the books/site mention bringing in new things so if i start swimmimg and other stuff maybe in a few months this may go” and “if i could just remember the normal things i used to do ….”I realise if this is how I am thinking all the time even though I am out at asda or swimming,anxiety is still with me.I thought “well the site said it will still be on your mind so I can think about all the time and thats fine”Actually what I now have realised is that this is what is impeding my progress.It has to not matter!!!Yes i will still have all those feelings there but instead of pondering them (which is what I have been doing) because I know all there is to know about why I have it and how i think, if the pondering starts I should change my thought “yes its still here but whats for tea? Its not to forget that you have anxiety that is needed it is to feel that having it isnt a problem,it doesnt matter.It doesnt stop me doing anything it does take a bit of enjoyment away yes but so what. I know if i practice adopting this attitude this is the key.I have been reading and re-reading the site and the books in the hope I have missed something this is just keeping me concentrating on the subject.I need to do what paul has all along been telling me stop worrying about the anxiety and cook the tea,meet my friends and paint the living room while i feel rubbish but thinking about things that really are important such as the kids parents evening or what to buy for my friends birthday not how am i going to feel tomorrow morning because I already know.This is going to take practise and unless i have a really rubbish day I am not going to come here evreyday im going to try and concentrate on other stuff.Thank you all for your advice and to paul If i had read the book properly instead of looking for miracles i may of reached this point sooner but i am here now and wouldnt be if not for this site THANK YOU x

  120. Scarlet Says:

    Nikki,

    I can so relate to what you are saying, and you are right the way to deal with the focus being on yourself and your anxiety all day is not to ponder on these thoughts, let them not matter in the least…. “if it is then so be it, I’m not going to worry about it, adopt this attitude and the attention on yourself will most definitely fade.

    I agree, being away from anxiety sites, even the computer helps, and you should take regular PC breaks, to be able to digest everything you know, and you are almost there Nikki, think you’ve cracked it hun i ;-)

    I loved this one

    “yes its still here but whats for tea?” Yep…this is the way to go.

  121. Teresa Says:

    Hi Everyone
    I’ve been having a browse over the last few days posts – I’ve also been taking the advice about getting on and ‘living’ life and not getting too involved with ‘anxiety’. Like everything to do with anxiety ,I can see it involves a fine line – could quite relate to Nikki’s post of doing things but the main focus still being on the anxiety. It’s a bit of a catch 22 with me at the moment – and increasingly the volume on the anxiety has been turning itself up. I have been understanding more and more – I can even, without trying, understand so many things that have happened over the years. I have had a rough few days, and I would not describe these as set back as I don’t feel I’m suffiently far enough away from it for that. But more a removal of the belief (the understanding is still there but it does not join up into belief) – I get and always have got very distressed when the head pain reaches a certain pitch, I know that it is self focus turning the volume up on it and that focusiing outside myself turns it down – but sometimes you just lose it. (You all know what I mean because you have all been there). The problem is – do you grit your teeth, stay away from the blog, book etc and just get on (but by now in a forced mode and starting to feel the self pity too), yesterday I went out did all sorts of things but really hit the wall with it and ended up in tears, or do you give in and come back to the blog/book etc. I’m not looking for answers – I know them but I suppose I am are looking for reassurance from reading about others who have got through or are on their road to recovery. Is this support actually stopping me hitting the floor to rise up – or is it stopping me continuing in a destructive thought process – I think that I feel like I know so much but I’m useless because I can’t apply it. I’m clearly feeling sorry for myself now and that’s not the best way forward. I’m trying to stop looking for support because I know that that gives me relief but in doing so I’m ending up losing the focus. I think the reading is supporting a flagging mind and then it moves on again. Can anyone help me with this?

  122. Fiona Says:

    Hi Theresa,
    There is no giving in when you need a bit of ‘revision’ don’t feel that reading the book or looking at the blog is a sign of weakness….. it isn’t! By thinking of it negatively your just giving yourself something else to worry and stress about. It times when anxiety is high that you need a little bit of reassurance. Reading about how other people cured their anxiety is how you learn to cure your own. I think i said in previous blog entry that someone who got over their anxiety and used to post said ‘read until you understand and then let it go until you have another bad day, week or month’ and i usually stick by that. I dont read for the sake of it just when i feel i need to. Your feeling bad at the moment and anxiety makes you think the worse but it will pass.
    Fiona xxxxx

  123. Nicole Says:

    Good morning,
    Realized yesterday that you may not have “Mother’s Day” in the UK. I should have explained that!
    Funny story that I thought I would share – I have a neighbour who is a psychiatrist at a local mental health hospital and we were having a discussion about our busy lives. I mentioned that I had dealt with some intense anxiety… and to my surprise she shared that at the same time my symptoms were at their worst, she was a “basket case” as she put it but with Claire Weekes books and time she has managed to come through most of her symptoms in the past few years. Wierd, here I was thinking that I was not normal and that she would have me committed if she knew how I felt! The whole time, 2 doors down, she was pacing the floors at night as well. Goes to show that we need not be ashamed; this can happen to anyone and anyone can come through it.
    Paul, i had an idea or request for your topic one day – I know that even though I feel the “not mattering” most of the time now, there are definitely times when I start to question like “Why do these feelings not matter when they feel huge and the symptoms are so strong?” Would it be possible for you or someone here to list the physiological/psychological reasons why they are irrelevant? A little refresher, but if you feel this is redundant, please disregard. Hope you all have a great day, the sun is shining here!
    Nicole

  124. Nikki Says:

    Hi. Anyone had the feeling of extreme intense nerves, I could be just about to go onstage at the albert hall!!!if you could look inside me today I am quivering for no reason whatsoever.It sort of feels like im starving hungry giddy and weak and shaking,Its making me think if i had a good meal I would feel much better but of course i wont. Really pleased with the progress iv made iv gone from complete d.p numbness and huge panic attacks and rushes to how im feeling today. I noticed i no longer have odd feelings to noises and certain objects, Ino longer have little panic rushes,and although i still have the irrational thoughts they no longer get the same panic reaction ,i just have the thought.I feel that once the nerves die down i will be at an acceptable level of recovery for me to be able to not notice so much. Im posting today because im on my own and need to share with someone.Iv been sanding the floor in the conserveatory and im not sure the vibration of the sander helped lol.
    Oh and scarlett its still there but pork chops for tea lol xx
    Take care allxx

  125. Teresa Says:

    Thanks Fiona – I haven’t been sitting here all morning dwelling on it but did hit quite a bad point earlier. since then my son rang asked me out to walk his dog and I’ve been and felt quite a bit better whilst doing it. I’m off out again in a bit – your reply has helped a lot. I am going through quite a stressy time at the moment – off to my son’s wedding in Greece next week , so all the associated feelings.
    I had panicked, I feel now that its ‘ok’ to keep topping myself up when needed – to live as normal as possible but not beat myself up all the time for doing ‘everything’ wrong. Life can’t be one big eureka moment – it has to be a slow and steady pace. And if thnigs were bad, yesterday – today , whenever it’s transitory, stop trying to find this place of ‘peace’. Allow myself to feel bad sometmes too and not feel guilty about it. Reading the posts does help when you’re in this position and as Nikki says – posting if you’re on your own helps you share the feeling. Very interesting post off Nicole and sort of says it all – it’s the way we ‘view’ things not reality.
    Thanks again , a big help Fiona. xxx

  126. louise Says:

    Goodafternoon everyone,sun is shining in glasgow!Ive benn doing well,still moving onwards and upwards,doing my best to face all my fears,anxiety is still there obviously but im noticing more and more how much it calms down when i add no second fears,or try to “work” things out.Im starting to visualize myself recovered and i know that one day ill be ok,im getting stronger and stronger everyday and my courage is rising,the fear of making a fool of myself around others in slowly but surely leaving me as i realise it NO LONGER MATTERS what i think about myself is so more important im my oen worse critic and if i can learn to live with myself(flaws included}then im cool with that.I made a brief phonecall yesterday,my heart was beating a military tattoo and i was shaking like a leaf,voice all breathy the works!!But i got through,i asked the question,i was polite and pleasant,most importantly i didnt put the phone down and give myself a good battering for being nervous,ill keep doing this.Keep doing it until it no longer matters.Im losing the fear……………Hope your all well.CANDIE,when is the wee barra due now??????xxxxxxxxxxxxx

  127. Candie Says:

    Hey Nicole, we do have mothers day in uk- it was back in March though! Hope you enjoyed yours. A lot of people that work in mental health have suffered, anxiety is rife- a lot goes unrecordered on medical records too as people dont turn to docs for help these days… just goes to show that psychiatrists cant practice what they preach on themself with the medical books doesnt it- i bet its made her a better psychiatrist though as she will know what really helps now! As for your question about why shouldnt it matter, i think your delving in a bit deep for answers if you want them of a psychological nature! I can give you them though- it shouldnt matter as when there is no resistance there is no fighting, so when we allow and permit these anxious thoughts and feelings we are not resisting what is. We are working with the ‘now’. You dont have to be ok and fine to be anxious, just dont let any added reaction exagerate how anxious you already feel- go with it. When it no longer matters if you feel anxious, your brain then litrally re-writes over all the old habits, as it does this the feelings slowly disapear too as you dont seek them out as much. It really is a case of when you do this you are retraining your brain to react differantly- which alters all your brain chemistry too and changes all the anxious reactions and thoughts into a more appropriate response. Don’t get to bogged down with the science side of it though, i did for ages and drove myself and everyone else mad lol.

    Nikki i think the sanding may have made you feel shakey litrally too, although you do sound a bit edgey with your nerves. I used to be like it, someone would close a door and the slightest bang would make me jump! I havn’t been that way for a long time though, strange how i used to get a wave of panic over really silly things- i think it went as i new there was litrally nothing my mind could come up with to make me fear the door slamming… so in time my nerves healed!

  128. Nikki Says:

    Hi candie I have finished the floor now,well for today any way.When i say my nerves are bad I feel like my arms chest and back are tingling/vibrating.Its very unnerving and tireing it feels a bit like the worry emotion and i get quite breathless.I will say though i have had a bit of a panic attack this afternoon despite all my brave words, it was from a thought that maybe if i am not following the path correctly i may be like this for a long time. I think it has come from impatience and frustration i was feeling sorry for myself.the vibrating is like muscle spasms and i am finding it very difficult to cope with I have this sensation on and off for over a week and it is paricularly bad today and i am feeling desperate to be ‘normal’ again to enjoy life more freely.I dont worry about having anxiety anymore and i dont google and every new sensation i know is caused by anxiety so i dont fear feeling this way im just really resenting it today and i know this is not going to help me.Sorry for the whinge i was doing so well too anyway got to pick the kids up and get the tea on love to all xx

  129. Nicole Says:

    Hey Candie,
    Yah, I geuss that I am having one of those deep thinking moments and searching for answers yet again. Damn hormones!
    I keep thinking that I am close to recovery as I go for days, sometimes weeks feeling increasingly better, almost joyful and it all seems so clear. Then the curtain falls again and sometimes there are new stronger feelings that arrive that I am not familiar with and I start to scare myself with thoughts about the future again and presto – I am here in fighting mode. I recognize memory and habit are pulling me back and what needs to be done is not fight, allow, and keep moving. I think Winston Churchill said “If you find yourself going through hell, keep going”. What a simple statement, but it is useful for me when things get a little bumpy. I have also just been reading Robert Holdens “be happy” and in it he talks about how negative emotions dont’ exist, it is our response to them that creates the sufferring.
    I appreciate you indulging my concerns and it has helped. Thank-you so, so much. Nicole

  130. Nikki Says:

    Hi again.Iv been having a chat with my mum this afternoon and trying to explain how i feel and how anxiety works i came up with this i wonder if any of you can relate:Having anxiety is like carrying a huge bottle of water along a path thats never ending.Every day that bottle drops one drop to lighten the load but as the carrier we never see or feel the load get lighter.Some days we get frustrated at the thought of having to carry this huge weight that so drains us of our energy so we put it down and kick and shout and get despondant trying to break the bottle thus allowing the water to flow away and relieve us of our burden.Eventually though we realise this bottle wont break by being hit ,there is one path to follow so we pick up our load and carry on. It is only when the path has been travelled a way and has dripped away along the path that we begin to notice the load is getting lighter and we are affirmed that this is the correct path,this does not stop us still putting down the bottle from time to time and giving it a kick on the off chance it may break but each time we pick it back up it is a bit lighter than the time before.We will eventually day by day run out of water to carry and continue the path with no baggage and a deeper understanding and appreciation of how to live life more freelywithout burden and with more enjoyment than ever we did for we know the struggle of the path and should we ever feel the weight of burden(anxiety) again we will know how to carry it .Amen lol
    Its a bit deep i know but i thought it summed up this experience quite well aesop would be proud!!!

  131. Emily Says:

    Nikki,
    If I hear your analogy right, you’re saying even when we get caught up fighting sometimes along the way and fall back into bad habits, we eventually get back on the path each time and keep walking? So long as we’re working at doing less fighting and controlling, even if we still do it sometimes, we’re still getting better and improving without us really knowing how much?
    It reminds me of Scarlet’s example of feeling like we’re drowning. We don’t realize how close to the surface we are until our head pops above water. It still feels crap though.
    I fall into getting upset at myself for “not doing it good enough” or trying too hard to not try to hard :)

    Yes, Aesop would be proud ;)

  132. Nikki Says:

    I wonder if someone may be able to answer my question? I am not scared of how i feel anymore whatever weirdness happens i dont mind because i know im not going crazy i know it is just an over reaction that will eventually right itself.I dont mind the sweating ,nightmares,panic shocks or any of it i dont care if it comes back because i know it will go again.I am however extremely bothered by the vibrating sensation in my arms chest back and stomach.It is making me feel like i am on some sort of drug my body is really racing and on high alert the muscles in my chest are making it hard to fill my lungs with air, it feels like i am starving hungry and shaky,I am calming myself mentally and trying to float.I know it is just nerves does has anyone else had this its driving me round the bend !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    emily- yes thats right its like paul says we never lose the progress we have made its always there,like stopping so far down the road and having a minute then picking it all back up and carrying on.I do the same thing as well sometimes”not doing it good enough” but what we are really bothered about is trying to do it right so that recovery comes quicker.Its all down to patience and im famous for having nonel-lol-thats why i am always asking questions im impatient.I want to learn as much as i can so i can recover quicker, even though i know i cant speed it up it will arrive when its ready.Im like the kid in the back seat “are we there yet?”x

  133. Candie Says:

    Hi Emily, Hi Nikki…. i too had little pauses in recovery where i would get a but wound up with it all and feel sorry for myself… it always felt like i would never get back on track but i always did. I havn’t had a setback for months now, more mini blips in recovery- you get less and less of these moments and things slowly, almost barely noticably improve. Its such a slow transition you cant tell at all till a few months have passed and you look back!

    Nikki, i have had that feeling you had yes… its adrenalin i think- luckily mine didnt drag out but if yours is you can get beta blockers for it…… upto you where you stand with meds, i dont take them now but iv herd beta blockers help to slow down the heart which stops the shakey on edge feeling. They arn’t anything to do with brain chemistry or emotions either, so they wouldnt impact your attitude to acceptance or recovery.. just take the edge of the physical probs. I dont like to promote medication, its a personal choice so make sure you do what is right for you- just making sure you know what options are out there :)

  134. JR Says:

    john s you’re feelings are really similar to what I’ve gone through on my recovery…i would feel love for my wife one minute and then it’s gone the next, i would try to find that love feeling again instead of letting it come of its own accord. recovery for me has been so up and down and with little consistency. It’s know wonder that all of us “think” that we’ll never recover. john s you may want to go back in the blogs and look at my posts and the responses as well…they may really help you

  135. Kashawn Says:

    Hi everyone

    I hope everyone is doing well. Just thought id throw some words of encouragement on this post;

    The more you focus on your environment the more you become outward and the less you feel detached; no matter how anxious or bad you feel, Try to focus as much as possible on your outward task and/or environment despite how bad you feel and no matter how much the attention is on you, as Paul says; “lose yourself in the environment”; focus on the trees, the birds, the words of a book and the conversations you engage in-this is the key to diminishing depersonalization and the rest of the anxiety symptoms.

    “When the anxiety curtain falls, so be it, move on and keep focusing with the best of your ability on the outward task your doing”

    -This is the formula to recovery from Anxiety

    -Keep your head up everyone
    Kashawn.

  136. Teresa Says:

    Hi Everyone
    Can identify with the ‘feeling sorry’, ‘Feeling we’ll never recover’ scenarios and the most recent one was absolute overload of trying to understand everyting and then getting absolutely miserable with the feeling of failure – we are impatient and I thought Nikki’s ‘ARE WE THERE YET’ was real LOL material. I could just visualise this coach full of us lot with Paul, Candie, Scarlet, Kashwan (and all other recoveries) at the front and the rest of us behind – all asking are we there yet – sorry, just my funny sense of humour.
    I think we’re incredibly lucky to be able to come here when we’re confused and telling ourselves ‘horror’ stories. It does rationalise things. It is a hard road but I think that that’s because we exaggerate everything – well I know my mind does – been thinking about the ‘doubles’ which have been mentioned on here – don’t know if I understand it properly but seems to hit a chord in my mind that whatever we fear we tend to panic and double it. Seems that when I lose my fear of one symptom I can almost see my anxiety running around my body searching for whatever syptom it knows will upset me and then attach itself to it – which frightens me a bit in itself. Almost like a roulette wheel, you don’t know where it’s gonna stop! I have realised that whatever is upsetting me ‘symptom’ is the result of my anxiety and not the cause – don’t know if that’s an improvement or not?
    Any further ‘advice’ on the doubles I would like to know if I am getting the right view on it.
    How are you doing Candie? How’s your tummy coming along?
    All – I’m sure we will get there, perhaps we are all so desparate to be ‘ok’ with everything that it makes everything seem worse than what it is?
    Take care – X

  137. Katie Says:

    Hi Nikki, just wanted to say, I really liked your expalnation about carrying the water bottle load-it really made sense when comparing it to anxiety. i think when people have a good few weeks /days,they kindda forget abut the bad moments and then dont expect them to pop up from time to time (having to putdown the bottle,get frustrated with it and kick out) I too,am guilty of this.Iv had a good month or so and the past few days haven’t been as good.Although i know the reason for this, i.e hormones! i thought it wouldnt happen but when it has i got myself into thinking, ‘not again’, and ‘will i ever recover’ and got caught up in my irrational thoughts. I could clearly see it was my response that was keeping me in them,but because i havent had an irrational response to thoughts for a while, i got bogged down.
    I dont see it as a setback however,as i no that the only way forward is to keep the ‘whatever attitude’ and let it flow/let it be there and the road to recovery will continue! So my advise to those who have had similar experiences- even if you dont believe yourself as much when you are having the ‘whatever’ attitude’ to your thougts/symptoms, keep at it and let it be as the ‘anxiety curtain’ as Kashawn describes will start to lift.I already feel that this morning and feel good for it and for myself for keeping at it and not falling into the pit of feeling sorry for myself. Keep at it everyone no matter how bad you feel and it will start to lift: symtom persisits-feel bad-keep with the whatever attittude-feel good!

  138. Nikki Says:

    Hi I realise since yesterday that i have not been accepting the anxiety.Oh yes i accepted i had it and not some dodgy disease that would be the end of me and so im not googling symptoms new or old im clear about the thought processes and how anxiety/adrenalin affects us .I understandv its all anxiety but i was still looking around at people thinking “why cant i just be like that , no extra thoughts,just carry on,look forward to things like every one else does”I realise its this desperation to be “better” that is causing the symptoms to linger.I have been thinking” iv only suffered for a short time symptoms started in november diagnosed in january at the worst in february i should be nearly normal now why arent i?”I have been concerned because I have not avoided anything continueing my day as i normally would.Get up get dressed take kids to school,asda,cook tea ironing.I meet friends and go out if invited.I got confused though when paul said go out and meet friends and invite new things into the day, I started doing things i wouldnt normally do.Im on my own all day every day always have been and i had started to think i needed to go swimming or meet a friend instead of being on my own.I now know i should just do what i normally do the other stuff is for those that have avoided for a long time and stayed in.I have accepted the low mood/depression it comes from having anxiety not because you are depressed it is the anxiety that gets you down sometimes.I will just have to learn to wait.This is me now.I wont feel the same about going out and buying clothes like i used to, the buzz has gone,but if i go any way it will come back at some point.No I dont care if the bills are paid on time im not interested but i will pay them on time any way and one day i will care.I wont feel how i used to i am not the same at the moment and no amount of wanting or analising will change this fact,so i will find the patience from somewhere to wait.The sun is shining i have a lovely family and at some point i will whole heartedly enjoy all of this again and i will then know what it means to live, but until then il just go along for the ride.Hope you are all having agood day x x x

  139. Nikki Says:

    Sorry for posting again so soon but can i have a bit of advice please? before i had anxiety i was working monday to friday and when not at work my dad was really poorly in hospital so i was visiting him, i was catching up with house work and stuff at the weekend so i was always really busy.Also for the first 8 months last year my husband and myself split up so worry was there every day and i had no time for myself with two kids to care for and a job to hold down, this was what i was constantly thinking about then .Then my dad became ill as soon as me and my husband got back together and this then became my new all consuming worry.It was then in october i started to get anxiety.I left my job in january to start nurse training but i deffered for a year because my anxiety was really bad and i had no idea at the time i would have been better to carry on with it i thought i would be better to take some time out and dad was still poorly.My problem is that although i am at work again now i am only doing one day in the week and saturday so i have loads of time on my hands and not sure what to do with it ,which is,im sure,why I have been even more confused with “carry on as normal” approach to recovery as my life has only consisted of two highly worrying subjects since last january and it is now my habit to worry about anxiety (obviously).I dont have any issues now no worry money is fine ,my kids are both great and me and the bloke are better than ever.I have never had any hobbies as i never had time and was always to tired.I have never been a big fan of house work which im sure none of us are and there is always tomorrow so nothing needs doing urgently.I think if i didnt have anxiety i would just be dossing about watching dvd’s and mtv between clothes shopping and painting.Any ideas on how to fill my days, i do feel better when i have a goal such as the days i work and as sad as it sounds i do have a bit of a timetable of things to do even if i dont want to i do them ie i always go to asda friday morning and iron on wednesdays but this isnt enough.I havent told you all this because i feel sorry about how things have gone for the last year i just genuinely would like some new interests but its been so long since i had a life and time to enjoy it i really dont know how!!I have just worked and worried.Help!! gosh no wonder iv got anxiety lol x x

    All advice gratefully recieved x

    I think this is why i post on here so often cos im so bored!!!

  140. Fiona Says:

    If your bored it is a good time to think about starting your nursing course again. You stopped it last time and realised that was the wrong thing to do so maybe it is a good idea to go back. You will probably be able to start after the summer. Why not try some voluntary work in your local area like a morning in the charity shop or something, working with youths… i’m sure there will be something like that. Take up a sport like golf or tennis, join a running club. Go to an evening class in cooking or art. God, i think i’ve inspired myself here!!!! xxx

  141. Fiona Says:

    I have been thinking” iv only suffered for a short time symptoms started in november diagnosed in january at the worst in february i should be nearly normal now why arent i?”

    Just reading that wee bit Nikki, just to say it’s quite a short time to suffer and people can often come through quickly. It depends how impressed you are with your physical and emotional symptoms. I was very impressed when i first suffered. You’ll know when you start to recover because how long you have suffered for wont bother you anymore! You’ll see the light at the end of the tunnel. You wont waste energy on negative thoughts about how long you’ve suffered. I know there is no real figure to put on it but most people take 1-2 years. I’ve gleemed that time scale from people on here and people i know personally…… although there is no real time scale as it is indivdual but for me this time scale comes up repeatedly.
    Fiona xxx

  142. Stephen Says:

    Thanks heaps for the response Lisa, candie and scalet, really appreciate it. :) like you scarlet my anxiety is pretty much 100% focused on mental illnesses. But doing pretty good id say.

    As much as i have improved i still have a small element of doubt that i could have a mental illness like one of my fears ive mentioned before. i guess i still may not fully believe that it is anxiety when i know it is.. if that makes any sense. I just need to believe its 100% anxiety and nothing else. Like i have said before i really like this post as it is something that i have felt alot and it explains the ‘weird’ feeling i feel when im always checking in on how im feeling. but i suppose this can be the longest stage to recovery.

    Scarlet even though somewhat in my mind i think i could some other illness do i just believe its anxiety and thats it, just accept the doubt i have and just tell myself i know its only anxiety?

    Hope everyone is having a good week

    Stephen

  143. Nikki Says:

    Hi fiona i know what you mean about the time scale,again it goes along with my impatience and i am a fixer by nature which is why alot of friends turn to me for help for their own problems i can find a way to deal with any situation,except this!If i was told o.k you have anxiety this is what you need to do and you will be back to your normal complete self ( only improved) by christmas this year, for example, i would think ok well i dont like it but i can see when il be ok and its just a case of living along side till christmas i would be able to see an end and then i wouldnt be so obsesed with the whole thing because i have been given all the answers .Thats really what i am asking for i suppose i can take any hell thrown at me and i will come through when i can see an end or even figure out when it is expected.When will it be gone if i do it right is what i want to know !!! i have just realised!!!! I have a very controlling streak and have always been emotionally strong so for this to have happened to me wow i need to fix it control it and as you said i was nt just impressed by my symptoms i was absolutely terrified and really spiraling so i have come along way in those ffew weeks since.I have always been able to come through anything but this really knocked me to start.I have now just let go of it and accepted its out of my control i cant fix it it will go when it wants nothing can be forced and the most hurtfull is i understand how it happened i had thought i was indestructable but im not.I caused this by taking too much on and trying to be superwoman i know this and expected when i had this figured, that i trully understood how ithad happened that then it would leave me when i changed the habits and chilled out and stopped the fighting and worry but it hasnt gone,its better than back in february but still its very real and here. i got frustrated yesterday and as i posted earlier i know the difference now between accepting i have anxiety and accepting its out of my control.I dont like the thought i could still be feeling this way this time next year but i have no choice but to accept it and get on with it.I have such an amzing incentive to get better as i said things are now at the best between my husband and myself and i really dont have a care in the world so i want to embrace this time in my life as much as possible but the anxiety is making me numb to it all this is where my frustration lies if i was having a bad time still i would thourghly expect to feel low and anxious but life is great and i cant wait to get at it xxx

    Any way thats enough about me how did you get to be here if you dont mind me asking?

  144. Nikki Says:

    Also i havent had my confidence stripped which cans so often happen.I feel that the fact I am dealing with this and getting better is proving that i am emotionally strong as i had thought.Also i dont have any other fears associated i knew early on avoidance was not the way to go and i can still get up and dance on tables in a club as before i just dont feel i am enjoying it any more.I like me still, i still like doing my hair and my make-up and putting on nice clothes I am still vain lol I dont feel a lesser person or that i have lost part of my personality it is all still there but i dont feel it comes as easy as it used and things are more of an effort.I do however worry that i may lose this bit of me which is what makes me strive all the more to continue because i desperately dont want to be any different.

  145. Fiona Says:

    I had a very stressful break up of a relationship along with the stress of lots of job interviews and job insecurity as i was working as a supply teacher at the time. It was really a build of stressors but i never seen it coming. Then i had one very big panic attack as the adrenaline cup over flowed. But i’ve came through a lot of the worst stuff like crazy thoughts, dp etc but always got on with liffe as normal like yourself. I did the doctor thing at the beginning and they tried to give me ADs but when i found this site and read the obssesive thoughts thread about people being terrified from knives (why is that?!? Why do well all get that?1?) I never went back. Its slow and painful but recovery is inevitable when you know how.

    ‘Also i dont have any other fears associated i knew early on avoidance was not the way to go and i can still get up and dance on tables in a club as before i just dont feel i am enjoying it any more.I like me still, i still like doing my hair and my make-up and putting on nice clothes I am still vain lol I dont feel a lesser person or that i have lost part of my personality it is all still there but i dont feel it comes as easy as it used and things are more of an effort’.

    This is very much like me also, hair, nails, fake tan, new clothes, out with friends, no avoidance…. it, as you say, just seems more difficult.

    Just don’t worry about losing this as worry is never good. In fact if that thought comes in to you head just dismiss it as ridiculous!
    Fiona xx

  146. Nikki Says:

    I did the same thing fiona loads of stress then in january one big massive panic attack that set the ball rolling.I had the knife thing as well????!!!!i hate it most when you get a thought and you have atatched a negative emotion to a thought.Thats what i did with nursing i thought i had freaked out because i didnt want to do the course??? now when i think of going back to it i get horrible gut wrenching emotion connected to it.Its these connections with negative emotions i find the most distressing as i know they are not my real feelings.

  147. Fiona Says:

    I mentioned on a previous post and Scarlet recommends this guy also…. Richard Carlson and his book called Stop Thinking Start Living…. it wont work miracles but will really help you deal with negative thoughts and the attached emotions. Great little book, can’t recommend it enough.
    Get your self back on that course, the only thing holding you back are stupid anxiety thoughts! They are so crap, don’t give them a second of your attention. That course will be the best thing you do, i guarantee it!
    Speak soon
    Fiona xx

  148. Teresa Says:

    Nikki – I totally understand everything you are saying and the character you say you are. Yes, I am the one everyone turns to too and all you say I feel I can identify with so much, although I am a lot older than you, but would have danced on the tables with Fiona too. The load we carried was too much and in many cases that’s what tipped us over – I don’t know about length of recovery – I believe it will come but I totally identify with your impatience too. I get told by close relatives, continuosly, you have nothing to worry about because everything in your life is good. And it’s true – I went through some immensley trying times too , and it’s not suprise it tipped me, add to that the fear of what was happening to me and no one could explain – and I will not go on as it is only negative thinking,but like you – when life is so good I get so frustrated that I cannot shift my thinking and become more like I used to be or maybe not, LOL. You’re not on your own – it’s hard. The one thing I will say – and I am not taking my own advice at the moment, but if you take the bull by the horns and involve yourself in something it does shift. I went and did voluntary work in a school, then took NVQ’s, then worked there etc etc – it was hard in the beginning but ti did help a lot – only thing was I did not have the knowledge that Paul has given us – I was living a sort of half life with a Claire Weekes book in one hand and getting through. I lost my job through funding cuts – and I’m working from home doing what I always wanted to do – painting but I think my poblem is now I know there is a proper ‘cure’ that I can’t take my eye of the ball and like you I want to contribute to getting to the end of this ‘thing’. I am sick of feeling sorry for myself – sick of having to be brave and wish I could throw the towel in and ‘float’ but I KNOW when I think right everythig seems different.
    So like Fiona said, can you do some voluntary work , perhaps in a nursing line – build some confidence, I am sure it would help you. you have not had this for long and it will leave you just like it came, once you lose your fear of it, and you never know that could be long before christmas. And when you think about it – if we progress steadily at least we’ll care less about having it! In time we should learn not to ‘fight ‘ ourselves and perhaps let ourselves in –
    Take care all XXXX

  149. Nikki Says:

    fiona – Thank you! You are helping me so much today i hope you know this .All the things i have been posting, all the stuff i have written today, all this has been going round in my head for ages and i can feel it all unravelling as i am writing to you. I can identify which bits of the anxiety that bother me of course the physical symptoms are hard to deal with but it is the emotion that i am having a hard time with.When i think about this nursing i get such an overwhelming “oh my god no i dont want to” really scared feeling like a kid thats just woke from a nightmare it is really intense.The thought of commiting myself to this course for three years and having to put my effort into it freaks me out so much and yet i was really excited about it till my anxiety struck .I had my panic attack on jan 4th and started my course on the 26th jan and because the anxiety got worse i have obviously linked nursing to the really strong negative emotions i was feeling at this time because i didnt understand what was happening to me.I had intense d.p and my house didnt belong to me i was watching myself constantly and placing words in sentances.It was so extreme and came from no-where and just dropped on me. I am not at all like that now although if i thought about it hard enough i could probably make it all come back again.Besides when i deffered from my course they said the next intake was next january so maybe then.Also the main reason for doing the course was purely because i wanted a job that could bring in better money than i had been earning, as id been on my own with the kids my tax credits made up most of my income and i was worried what woud happen when my son left school.I didnt think me and my husband would get back together,so i think the reason for doing it in the first place may not have been quite right and so it makes deciding whether to go back to it or not quite difficult.This anxiety – because of the emotional attatchment to the course- I cant make an informed decision about it or not.I was just hopeing that maybe by november (which is when i need to inform the university if i intend to return) the anxiety had subsided sufficiently to allow to decide properly.I know it sounds like i am waiting for anxiety to decide but i just dont want to make a mistake and end up dropping out again .
    Thank you so much you dont know how much you have helped me today.

    I hope things are going well for you x x

  150. Nikki Says:

    Hi teresa – im so glad you can identify too,-it takes the pressure of fiona lol.Fiona you have done more for me in one afternoon than i have managed in weeks.I have also come to understand today through our chats that what is also bothering me is i seem to have lost my purpose.I have always known in which direction i have been heading.Before anxiety it was to study nursing then in three years qualify and maybe move to a better area.It was all abit materialistic , you know new car, new house ,being able to afford nice things but now i am working part time and cant see a future in itand i dont know where im heading now.My old job was working in the nhs as aphysio assistant i loved it but i couldnt progress.I had been there three years and couldnt go anywhere else hence the move into nursing.I wanted to move on have more responsibility (even though itwas for finacial reasons i chose nursing i still wanted the challenge it brought).I dont feel that pull now and im lost.Maybe that is what is wrong i need to find the thread again.Maybe its not the anxiety causing ALL my problems.Maybe the anxiety just knocked my confidence a while and iv let it.This would explain a lot of the fears and feelings i have .I have the image of time and days leading out in front of me and i dont seem to be able to see where il be.I can normally see myself working or doing something but know i cant see it and it scares me because i have always had a strong sense of what the future holds and now i dont have any idea what im going to do with myself and just typing this out is giving me huge anxiety my arms are tinling and the old negative emotion attatchment is there but what a relief to finally figure out what my fear is because i didnt know this is how i was feeling about things till now.WOW!!! What do you all think?

  151. Nikki Says:

    Fiona THANK YOU a million times .Being able to type all this out has put straight in my mind what i need to do.I have been lost.I couldnt find myself and with or without anxiety i would have had this problem finding myself again.It was my self-esteem i lost and it was my path.I blamed it on everything else my anxiety,losing my dad in march,the stress of last year maybe it was all that but now i know my path i dont need anymore answers i have found it.Its not anxiety its ME!Yes i will still have anxiety with dodgy thouhgts and emotions this is stillgoing to be a long road to recovery and im not always going to feel as great as i do now but i dont care they dont matter.I have a life again a focus.I need to feel fulfilled and be interested in something else again other than feeling crap this is what i was looking for AT LAST A LIFE!!!Fiona you have helped me identify where i was going wrong.Have you ever thought of being a councillor.THANK YOU again you are brilliant x x x x x x x x

  152. Lynda Says:

    Hi – today has been one of the worst i’ve ever been through. I felt awful panic /dp from the moment I got up this morning. I somehow got to work although I could hardly function there. I then did what I really didn’t want to – phoned the Doctor and she has now put me back on AD’s. I feel such a failure, as if i’ve given in to it all and cannot get back to ‘normality’ using Pauls method. Fiona, Teresa & Nikki – like you, my adrenaline cup just ran over after weeks of intense stress. The only thing is I first suffered from anxiety over 35 years ago and I sometimes feel it is so entrenched into me I will never get on the right path on my own. I think I must be the oldest in this ‘community’ – 61! I have always been so young at heart and love having a laugh and a joke so to feel like this again when I thought I was maybe getting somewhere has really got to me. The disturbing thoughts is the one thing that I find so hard – they only started this year. I dont feel that I might harm someone just that I wish horrible things on them. That makes me feel crazy – even my horrible thoughts don’t seem to be like anyone elses!! And as they are mainly directed at my 2 gorgeous grandaughters it makes me feel even worse – why on earth would I think such wicked things about them?
    Sorry to be so miserable and thanks for reading.
    Lynda

  153. Fiona Says:

    Nikki, i’m so glad i could help!!! You go girl!!! I can see just reading what you have written that you attributed the on set of anxiety to starting your course. The thing is that anything could and would have been the trigger for your anxiety as your adrenaline cup was just ready to overflow, add a few extra worrying (natural) thoughts about starting a new course and all that entails and hey presto….. anxiety strikes!
    Its not thcourse that is or was the problem it was the various stresses that had been too much for your nerves but the course became the ideal thing to focus all this bewildering anxiety on. Get back in contact with the college or uni and get ready to put your focus on passing with flying colours!
    Lynda, sorry your still feeling so bad! Please ignore these horrible thoughts, that is all they are! Anxiety plays on your worst fears you must learn to ignore these silly and flase thoughts. Do not attach emotion to them. Laugh at them. It will feel weak to begin with but your inner strength will grow as you see them as harmless non-truths. Keep your chin up.xxxxx

  154. Nikki Says:

    Hi linda- dont be sorry for being miserable,have you looked at some of my posts lol its a wonder you can get a word in with ME ME ME on here.Seriously though do not worry about these strange thoughts i have many including hurting myself and my children.I do know i wouldnt act upon them as you yourself probably feel the same .It is the disgust that we’d have such a thought and the fear of having had it that is the problem.I have mine still and i get an adrenalin reaction to it but i dont worry about it or add any further fear/worry by questioning would i really though?Why have i thought that.JUst leave it and know that the reaction to it is the product of an over active adrenalin gland ha ha because thats all it is.Once the adrenalin/anxiety dies down the thoughts will also disapear.Onward and upward x x x

  155. lisa Says:

    hi paul or scarlet, id like to ask a question . paul you said when you allowed the attention on yourself did you find your mind chattering away? i allow the attention if it wants to be but when i allow it i find my mind chattering on n on n on, and its as if i cant get my attention off the chatter?find it really annoying. i guess your right when we accept it for a while but then we get fed up after a week or 2 because the habits not gone. arent habits a buggar..lol . hope everyone is enjoying the sun, hope the wind isnt as strong tday. stephen your very welcome, hope it helped :-)

  156. Nikki Says:

    Hi lisa i know what you mean.Mind chatter is keeping me awake at night it must have been gone two before i finally dropped off last night.I am having trouble with talking to myself even if my thoughts concern other subjects instaed of anxiety i have trouble connecting.I have started talking to myself about the task im doing to take away from the subject of anxiety but i feel as if im asleep all day and when someone speaks to me i have trouble concentrating on what they are saying.It is though im dozing away in a half dream and can vaguely hear what is going on.Its very annoying i also think im becoming addicted to this blog because i find if i write down how im feeling i get a sense of releif from that thought but then theres always another one and i could sit here all day typing away.I really want to break away now because i know all there is to know and my mind is full all the time of anxiety and how it works it is very over powering at present.I have been given a new lease of life as of yesterday and i know all i need to do is live and gently this will ease away.The horrible feelings i can deal with.I want it out my mind now to concentrate on my life.

  157. lisa Says:

    nikki, i no what my chatter is, once iv dealt with it i no mine will go.cant do anything about mine yet but time will come soon. i look at your posts but deep down your wanting something that is going to take it all away, that magic word or sentence. i was the same, but i had to let mine be here, sit with the thoughts n feelings until i was no longer afraid, thats how i overcome my fears. im not afraid of the chatter its more of an annoyance, i think your frightened still as you quoted “i want it out of my mind to concentrate on my life”. thats what acceptance is, letting it be there and concentrating on your life. have a focus on your day, plan what your going to do that day,take each day as it comes,do something just for you in that day, i used to wash, clean, cook, iron, work, bed, nothing for me at all. today iv got kids off to school, housework done and laid reading in the sun for four hours. kids will be home soon so my focus is on them doing tea, homework, pack lunches for tmrow, shower, then its my time, might do some meditating, have a coffee with a friend, chat on line. i never used to get a break from my anxiety but i had to think what i wanted, my time outs, thats how you replace old habits into positive ones. anyone can reassure you all day long but its up to each n everyone of us to take advice on board and start living again like i and others have. you said “you no all there is to know now” so let it be there now and get back on with your life and you will heal and not give anxiety a second thought, thats how you get back into normal living again. i know it can be hard at times but just keep accepting and get on with day to day things, thats how you recover :-)

  158. lorryt Says:

    hi nikki

    thats the way to do it, i have done it for a few weeks now and i feel so much better. take a step back, and get on with life. it has done me the world of good. i often felt i neede to get things off my chest and thsi place is great for that , but as you realise that things can improve other parts of your life come into play.i have had 2 great weeks and really returning to the person i was all those years ago. it is quite powerful and refreshing to feel you are finally coming out of it. i am truly realising that it is all bad habits and the wrong approach, and how anxiety makes all our thoughts amplified.
    nikki, it is such a great feeling to know we can get past all this!.i am at the stage of trying to do more work as i only work 2 days a week and have time on my hands which makes things worse sometimes!

    how are you keeping candie?…….hopefully not long now

    have a great day allxxlifes for livingxx

  159. Tracey Says:

    Lorryt is completely right. As I started doing that weeks ago and my old self has popped back thru the surface…it does make you realize the bad habits and the anxiety magnifies everything especially our thoughts. I remember before I even had anxiety when I would think or whatever, nothing ever really stuck out and stayed with me like things have since I’ve had anxiety, I also never watched my thoughts or paid any real attention to them…its really such a waste of time. It’s kinda funny once you really realize that

  160. Nikki Says:

    Hi lisa and lorryt.You are both right i know what i should be doing sort of, i have all the information a person could need but i havent had any time for myself for so long if i am sitting down just watching a bit of telly or listening to music during the day when the family are out or at work i feel really guilty (guilt is a big part of this for me) for not working ie decorating or mowing lawns or something ,so when i do try to put my mind to something like that i am sooooo not interested and i have this massive surge of emotion as in i dont want to wash the pots its boring, i keep comparing to how i felt before and i know i shouldnt its now that counts. Although i seem to be counsilling myself all day long as in” iv noticed a certain symptom has faded so it may mean i am getting closer to the end now”,i drive myself silly with it .All my friends are busy working so there is no-one to have a coffee with during the day.This all sounds as if i am feeling sorry for myself im not ,but as i said yesterday i am impatient to be well and know that this attitude is not helping if i stopped concentrating on it so much it would ease .I am in a bit of a circle and because of this lack of intrest/incentive i do find i am not doing as much as i should and im sure at the back of my mind i am waiting to be myself again.Believe it or not i used to like tidying up and making every where tidy but now i feel like im not fussed i only do it because it needs doing not because i want to and it think thats the crux i want to want things again and i dont.I can live with all the rotten symptoms if i had this feeling of wanting to do something back.As i say its confusing because i didnt have much of a life before anxiety and wasnt always meeting up with friends i was always working and busy so really dont know what a normal life is.I havent had a social life for ages i havent had any hobbies not because of anxiety but because of time.Even before this came up i wasnt bothered by this lack of social life because i just enjoyed being with my family and nights in at home.I want to enjoy being at home again,i want to be interested in the decorating and what the house looks like.I am keeping it nice only because it needs to be clean .I guess what im saying is i have time on my hands i have never had and dont know what to do with it.The advice here says live life as you did before anxiety but as i say life was completely different.Its not just about learning to live with anxiety its about learning to live without a full time job and busy lifestyle!!!!!!!!If i think about it if i had this sort of time before having anxiety i would have been decorating and out buying curtains and stuff and nowit doesnt seem as important to me anymore Iv always had a ‘project/problem’ that i thought about this obviously is my latest.Biggest worry for me though is this Feel anxious-think about anxiety(not question just analising every emotion thought or feeling to see if it is getting better)-feel anxious-worry because constant analising is holding me back -feel anxious-analise a bit more.So you see i do know where i am going wrong but what do i do to give myself a break?

  161. lisa Says:

    you get up and say right i might not feel great but im off to cut the grass, dont care how i feel, get an mp3 goin or a cd on get y self dancing while cutting the grass but watch ya toes..lol. your feeling rubbish because your letting it make you feel rubbish!!! i loved one of pauls quotes when he mentioned mr anxiety, welcome mr anxiety say hi but you no what you can come and make me feel rubbish but i dont care, im off to buy my curtains, dance while i polish n hoover, dance and sing while i paint, once mr anxiety realises you dont care he will go in his own time, he will keep popping back to see if you have the “im not bothered” attitude from time to time, but youl of learnt not to give a damn, youl of lifted your own mood. dont wish what you should of had or done thats keeping your negative emotion, look forward now, get out and look for hobbies, try the library on hobbies, swimmin, dance class, yoga, learn a language, joggin, anything like that nikki, thats what you need to give yourself a break, to stop feeling rubbish, to get you feeling good about yourself. good luck :-)

  162. Nikki Says:

    Hi girls sorry i hit submit to quick.
    You are all right with what you say i know this myself but i cant seem to do it.I know the illusive answer i am searching for is to just”sod it”and cook tea but i find it hard not to keep coming back to this subject i so desperately dont carehow i feel or think i really am so bored with it as i say i know why everything is happening and why and how to recover but i feel like the subject has a hold on me and is far more interesting than anything else thats going on in my life.I dont want to be intersted anymore.To be honest i dont even think it matters whether i am getting better or not its the intrest in anxiety that is the problem.If i could find another subject to study or to be interested in then i could let it lie,Stupidly when i think about anxiety its usually more about what i could write on here about the subject than any sort of worry.its like i notice some new symptom or other and il think to myself ‘i could post about that and i could write blah blah blah and se what response i get” its another habit almost addiction.Perhaps if i found another subject to study and wrote about that insted of this (on word obviously not posting hre) i could perhaps change thinking i could post that on anxiety to the new colours for the living room are ….Do you think this may work?

  163. lorryt Says:

    know teh feeling, , i used to love doing teh decorating, or takingon a project to sort out a room, up until now i have done as you have , cant be bothered or do it coz it needs doing rather than wanting to do it. my interest in things seemsto have returned only because i have made myself do stuff . my life has changed soo much over the past 8 years i cant compare how thigs are now as to how they were when i was well. i have lots of time on my hands and end to fill it with anything, something will take my interest somewhen and i may do a course or somit. but money unfortunately is taking front row at the moment. i have anallotment that needs doing but i just have no enthusiasm, . i tidies and cleaned the bathroom today and felt better for doing it !??.its weird, i just have to go with the flow. i love walking and i just go for a walk,doesnt have to be anywhere or to see anyone, just a walk. and think nothing more of it. things just started dropping into place for me. just one day at a time and no further.
    once you let the anxiety take a back step other things will take your notice and start to filter in . dont ask my how or why( cant go there!!). just try something new or different?. i was volunteering at the local blue cross, or trying to do more work.its such progress but dont rush things it all happens in time. im not that great at advice just speak from my experience, hope this helps??.

  164. Nikki Says:

    Im sorry i seem to be needing lots of help with this at the moment.I do do what you suggested lisa,I did all my ironing today we have been down to dvd hire to get some films.We’re just going off to get eggs from the farm im not stopping doing things as i say i have alot of time on my hands and the attitude that needs changing is “the lawns need mowing but iv got all week i could do that tomorrow” or “the ceiling needs painting but it has for ages it will wait another day”.Then il come here instead because this is what holds my interest.

    Thanks for your advice and i will try harder and kick my bum into gear a bit xxxx Im glad things are going so well for you xxx

  165. Nikki Says:

    Hi lorryt-I think the money issue has been a big thing for me too.Last june my husband lost his job we were having to change the two’s and ones at asda to afford food so i had no choice but to stop going shopping and wanting to decorate the money was simply not there so i got used to not bothering about it and had retrain my brain to think ‘aaah you got loadsa clothes you dont need any more’ the living rooms fine at least you gotta roof lots of people are being kicked out’.So from this i have learned to go without and being able to do it again doesnt hold the same feeling as it used to .I sort of think the painting has needed doing since last june it wont hurt for a bit longer and i know Normally now that finances are ok again i would be hassling the husband and taking myself off to primark!!! Dont get me wromg hair and make- up is done every day but if i am not hugely fashionable i dont mind to much whereas before i would have cared alot.As i said alot has happened to me in the space of a year to make me rethink things and I have realised there is more to life than nice cars and looking good i think the anxiety is just accentuating this.I love music and films and reading this is still with me and i do get enjoument out of them now but i cant sit around watching films and mtv all day every day no matter how much i enjoy it and i really did love being superficial me lol

  166. lorryt Says:

    maybe this is a turning point where you need something more in your life.go out of your way to get involved in something you may have never tried before. its just a thought.i can see where some people get sucked into religion at this point in their lives ( personally i detest the subject – personal reasons ), but you will never know unless you try ? SORRY TRYING TO HELP . all the best , need to put my feet up and have a rest now, busy day and allxxxx

  167. Dave Says:

    Hi guys. I rarely post but like most really know the amazing value of this site.

    I have been an anxiety sufferer for prob 10 years if Im honest buts only in the last 2-3 years i have actaully defined it as anxiety. Since getting the info i need progress has started.

    What im interested in and maybe everyone could advise is this..

    What if you have just always been an axious person rather than become anxious through any life trigger? What i mean specifically is that since my late teens/early 20s i have stuggled with obsessive thoughts and resulting anxieties and sometimes panic. 2 years a go some real diffulcult times with the combination of tough life fatcors and a bit of my own personal flap out of burn out.

    Really since I rememeber i have always been a right old obsessor, always worried whats going to come along and sticth me up next.

    So really what im asking is how does the approach change if the casue is not life stressors but basically anxiety and obsessions is just your nature? Is recovery just the same ? a bit more deep routed maybe ? taking longer ? more effort required?

    Since a year and half ago i have been trying to put new thought processes into place. Someimes the axiety is physical sometimes its more obsessional worries and thoughts. I have made some great progress with some CBT and just me letting things be a bit more however its so so tough at times………I still feel i have a long road ahead and soemtimes i think how on earth am i going to chnage something that is inherrent in me?

    Can i be re-wired lik a pc or laptop ? lol…… Perhaps you could share your thoughts.

    Keep up the good work everyone.

    d

  168. Nikki Says:

    Its just enthusiasm i am looking for i seem to only have enthusiasm for this subject so i know i am capable of it, maybe that is because i am hoping that this is where the answer lies to finding enthusiasm in everyday things, the things that once mattered dont seem to now.I still love my family my life and myself but i want it all back again.How do you get the enthusiasm back?Is it by repeatedly doing? I have not stopped doing anything since anxiety but dont feel like it still.Why is this?

  169. Nikki Says:

    You know what im flicking between this page and facebook and actually if ididnt know i had anxiety i wouldny know if that makes sense lol
    Everyday about 2-3 o’clock in the afternoon all my symptoms start to subside until i barely notice them.It used to be 5-6 in the evening this happens.So i know i am progressing .I think about posting on this website as if i were planning a conversation with a friend or councillor this is what my mind chatter consists of ‘I feel like this today ill ask if anyone else has had this’ It is like a phone call to a friend or some sort of anxiety meeting i am chairing its so weird.If i come to some new conclusion it feels important to share with you all I have had councilling and it didnt hlp at all.Is this an obsession with anxiety or just a blog in general mmmm…Im not sure.Posting sure helps my mind clear but i am thinking that i am posting way too much!! Whats your take paul,scarlett or candie x

  170. Leslie Says:

    Hi. This is the first time I’m posting. I’ve been dealing with anxiety for the past 2 months. I’m doing much better, but I feel like I’m constantly having a conversation with myself. I can totally relate to what Nikki just posted. It’s like I’m always trying to talk myself through this whole thing. For example, my thoughts will go something like this….”well I’m still thinking all the time, but that’s ok” or “this will all eventually go away”. Or like I’m constantly trying to explain to someone how I feel. Sometimes I’ll be telling myself “I don’t even know how I feel”. When these thoughts come up (“I wish I could stop thinking all the time”), what should I do with that?? I’m so confused. Should I just say ok, then try to drop the thought?? I’m having a hard time doing that. Does this make any sense at all?? I’d love to hear if other people do this and how they get through it. I really don’t have any of the physical symptoms anymore. It’s more or less my thought patterns. And sometimes, I’ll get crazy thoughts that just pop into my head for no reason…..like “maybe you are just going crazy” or “you probably don’t even have anxiety”. Anyone else experience something like this?

  171. Nikki Says:

    If i pretend to be the ‘old me’ do whatever old me would have done,with all the feelings not hiding from them and all the silly thoughts,if iget up in the morning and think’What would the old me have done today’ and then get on with it ?is that it?is that all ihave to do?because i can do that no prob .Act through until i really do care again.

  172. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Nikki,

    “i only do it because it needs doing not because i want to and it think thats the crux i want to want things again and i dont.I can live with all the rotten symptoms if i had this feeling of wanting to do something back.”

    This is one step away from recovery hun. Yes you have to do things without being interested in them for a while until gradually you have spells of actually liking what you are doing (or at least feeling like you did before anxiety took hold) without analysing/pondering how you feel about the task in hand . So for the time being, like has been said, carry on without enjoying it if you have to,.. whatever emotion you are feeling at the time, maike the effort and do it anyway. You have to get used to doing things half-heartedly for the time being for the appropriate feeling to return… and it will. Avoiding doing stuff you used to like doing becasue you don’t feel motivated enough or because of your lack of appropriate feelings, may prolong your anxiety a wee bit.

    “The advice here says live life as you did before anxiety but as i say life was completely different”

    Basically do not avoid things that are required for ‘normal’ living, not necessarily live as you did before anxiety, becasue for some anxiety is caused by a life-changing experience and they will never be able to recapture the time before they suffered. My life was completely different as well, prior to my anxiety I had lots of things to occupy myself during the day, I did many things outside of the house/went places but my anxiety appeared in pregnancy which required bed rest and I was housebound, so my life NEVER went back to the way it was before, becasue all the things I did prior to my anxiety, I couldn’t do with a baby… but you do adapt to new circumstances, and carry on with ‘normal’ everyday living, albeit different from before… I guess it’s a new ‘normal’ ;-)

  173. Scarlet Says:

    “if iget up in the morning and think’What would the old me have done today’ and then get on with it? is that it?is that all ihave to do?”

    You need to get up in the morning and as soon as you have a thought that says “the old me would have done blah blah blah, or what would the old me have done” ignore it and say, the new me is gonna get on with LIFE today and not worry about how I feel.

    Nikki I have done you a longer reply to one of your posts above, but forgot to put my email address on it, so it’s awaiting moderation LOLOLOL

  174. Scarlet Says:

    “If i pretend to be the ‘old me’ do whatever old me would have done,with all the feelings not hiding from them and all the silly thoughts,if iget up in the morning and think’What would the old me have done today’ and then get on with it ?is that it?is that all ihave to do?because i can do that no prob .Act through until i really do care again.”

    Oops twas late last night and I didn’t fully read what you put here (brain numb).

    Yes Nikki, you have to pretend for a while, do things what you did before, or perhaps incorporate a few new things becasue your life has changed somewhat. I had to adapt from a life of going out, working at the school, meeting up with friends, to being with a baby and stuck in the house for most of the day (whilst suffering anxiety)… and it was hard at first to be honest and I resented my ‘new’ situation, felt like a prisoner in the house as well as in my mind. I think this prolonged my anxiety if I’m honest becasue I couldn’t get out and about and do ‘other’ brain taxing things without being disturbed every 5 mins by a demanding baby. I could NOT throw myself into something that would take the anxiety away… but I got on with life anyway, did the things other mothers with babies did, the nappy changing, cooking, cleaning mundane household tasks… I adapted, and even kinda liked it after a while.

    I suppose what helped me through was knowing that life can change in an instant and is forever evolving, so if I had to give up 3-4 years of my life staying at home until my son went to school then so what, the time is nothing, I will put my life on hold…. and I convinced my own mind that this was fine and now I actually like it, and my resentment disappeared and I fitted into my new role nicely after a while.

    It sounds to me that perhaps you are holding onto a wee bit of resentment for the life you once had and perhaps at the moment you don’t feel fulfilled, don’t have a purpose. If this is the case, incorporate some other things into your day, things which interest you…. find your purpose! When I was suffering and paying too much attention I used to go on a particular money making site that I found, and this helped take my mind away from my anxiety for a while. You need to find something that interests you as well now that you have a bit of time on your hands, a new hobby that will overtake your hobby with anxiety. Find what you like doing (perhaps decorating) and get yourself onto a new project, once you start you will really notice a difference… and anxiety will fade into the background whilst the new hobby takes over.

    xx

  175. Scarlet Says:

    Just to also say, that I understand totally what you mean about the subject of anxiety being so interesting that it overtakes your life, and that nothing can compare. Trouble is, the obsession with anxiety is not a healthy one, because it is one that makes you introspect too much to the point of feeling physically and emotionally crap… it’s a self-destructing hobby that’s not good for the soul. You need to find a new hobby/obsession, one that’s not so demanding on your emotional wellbeing, one that makes you happy and not feel depressed or anxious, one that will turn you into a more outward person than one looking inward all the time… You must learn to cut off all thought of this introspective nature for a while and throw yourself into something else. I am 100% sure you can do this Nikki, look deep inside youeself and find your path hun.

    x

  176. Nikki Says:

    Scarlett-Thankyou for taking the time to reply it means alot x x
    I do have times where i feel i am enjoying myself i still get my groove on in the living room to mtv lolAlthouhg it isnt quite the same good feeling but i still like dancing.I take the kids to the pictures and enjoy it.I have started horse riding again with my daughter although sometimes i cant be bothered and dont neccessarily look forward to it all week like perhaps i would ve i enjoy it when im there and i go anyway even when my body tells me to stay in bed (we go on a sunday morning and we have to be up at 8 and i love a sunday lie in).Its not so much that i am avoiding doing the things i enjoyed its more the mundane housework decorating tasks,i sort of think whats the point it will be a mess again tomorrow.Maybe i am just tired of doing it anyway? i dont know.I dont think i enjoyed decorating before it was just the satisfaction i got frpm seeing the job finished or the oom looking nice.I think i would still feel the satisfaction but feel like i cant be bothered to start.I have so much time and my house has needed decorating for so long it can always wait another day.Plus my husbands never been that encouraging on decorating !!!
    You are right when you say i have lost my purpose i have always had a very strong sense of direction and was a very independant person.I feel like i have lost a sense of who i am because all the things that i was interested in before were alot to do with work and i have completely changed my job.Also my dad passed away im march and he spent a lot of time in hospital which has given me a bit of an aversion to hospitals.The reason i left my old job in january was to train as a nurse and i was so excited but i had this anxiety start right at the begining of the course and then found that my mom couldnt cope with the childcare commitments as she had to much on looking after dad so i defferred for a year and the releif of not having to go was brilliant,but now i am still nervous about hospitals and i am now unsure about returning to nurse training(i had this conversation with fiona earlier) which is probably my biggest problem this is the area i want to want again,I had really been looking forward to it even when dad was poorly in hospital before the anxiety struck i was fine and i also know i would be doing it now even with dad gone if the anxiety was not here.This is i think why i want to recover so quickly because i am due to return to this next jan and i dont want to spoil it with these horrible feelings.This is why i dont feel i can give myself time to recover this is why i want it now.I will still do the course with anxiety i dont care i will still do it but if i can help myself to recover before hand then i am giving myself a better chance and i know i will need all that iv got to concentrate on it.I think this is why i want an answer to when will i be well again so ican prepare myself.I know it doesnt work like that and no-one can say how long.this is also why i keep looking at how far iv come to try and predict how long iv got left.Wow i do it every time i know why i keep doing this now iv wrote it down .this is very theraputic.
    Yes you are right about the obsession with anxiety being unhealthy to be honest i so dont want to care it bores me really i thats what i mean by saying i want to forget iv got anxiety i would be able to look for something else.Also i dont think it is just the anxiety i come here for its to talk to people who truly understand how i feel and help advise how i should handle things.Speak later x x x

  177. sasha Says:

    Hello Paul

    Actually i have been doing pretty ok for the last couple of days i mean just OK but that was good for me cos even when i got reminded of Mr Anxiety i was cool after a blip of few minutes i am ok but i may loose the connection of where i stopped talking…but i was just going with the flow not giving second thoughts of what other people are thinking if its odd..but before when i cudnt connect at all i was just trying to be nice and nodding to watever people say so they were ok though i was feeling crap inside and no one could understand what i was trying to say now that i am coming to normalcy with regard to feelings( better not fully ok) people are expecting me to be nice all the time as i used to be a person who is always sweet and never loose my temparament even if i felt like saying something back because i was too concerned about others feelings now that i have gone through so much of numbness and freeze out zone not able to enjoy anything and when people expect me to behave normally i get so annoyed as they dont understand what i go through each day now i genuinely feel like i shouldnt be bothered about others feelings i feel good being neutral as i dont have extra pressure on me to ‘be nice’..
    i love my husband and family a lot he is supportive as well but when he said u might be having bi polar when he was thinking i was being indifferent or cold at times how do i explain Paul…please help me can u post an article for people who live with people who have this ‘condition’ as no one is aware of this particular problem he says that he hasnt even heard about it in the medical history about such a thing and wudnt go through this site also …he knows i have these mood swings but i know its more than that wen he mentioned bi polar i was so hurt as i am trying to get over this giving no attention to it but pople living with me think that im ignoring them or im cold..its hard for me…can u please post a reply for people to be aware of this condition to have an emphatising attittude for people who are recovering and lend a support…

  178. Nikki Says:

    Also i just wanted to say after my dad passed away i had a feeling of whats the point regarding housework and stuff like that because in the great scheme of things it didnt matter.Who cares if the lawn needs mowing my dad isnt here.This was only a thought that happened once and i got an anxiety reaction rather like with the irrational thoughts because having tjis thought worried me in case i went mad with greif or something i was finding it hard to carry on but it has got easier and now i have come to think about this thought again i am feeling really anxious just typing this my whole body has had massive adrenalin release because i want this thought to be anxiety and not grief i dont dont dont want to suffer any greif for my dad as i feel ok about him not being here there is no unfinished business everything was said and i now i am feeling this i can see my anxiety playing tricks on me again it had tricked me into thinking i was not coping with dad going and i was it was anxiety making me irrational and think otherwise my immediate inner voice said of course the little things matters dont start thinking like that ,that nots a good train of thought and so i get this feeling every time i think about doing lawns ,painting etc its that horrible feeling that sickens you the thoughts tell me i dont want to do it because of dad not anxiety when truthfully it is anxiety that has become clear to me now wow again.Its the I DONT WANT TO that screams at me.i get this first thing in the morning its just a cloud feeling of i dont want to.I dont know what it is i dont want to do there isnt a particilar moment where i think oh im at work this morning and then it happens its a more a mood that nots linked to any thing but just persistently hovers .Its really bad first thing in the morning but has worn off somewhat by about 2 or 3 in the afternoon.Is this the apprehension paul talks about? anyway it seems by writing on here each littl/big problem i have,each little mountain i need to climb i am unravelling on here and i am getting the answers i need to help make sense of how i am to deal with this and continue down the right path.Thank you so much

  179. Scarlet Says:

    Nikki,

    (this is a reply to your post, the one before last… I finished typing before I noticed your other post)

    From the sounds of it, you are working towards a timescale, which is incompatible with the concent of acceptance and I think this is what is prolonging your anxiety. You are not able to get away from the focus that you must be recovered before you start training to be a nurse (does that ring true hun???).

    A shift in attitude from expecting to be well in the next 7 months to one of, “if I’m not then so be it”, will help enormously… and you will need to constantly repeat this to yourself so that there’s comes a time when you actually believe it…. and yes this will happen.

    You do have a ‘purpose’ to work towards but you are at a loose end at the moment whilst you sit around waiting for your ‘real life to start’, but life is happening right now whilst you wait, so you need to fill up the next 7 months by doing something more productive with your time, something that wil take off this focus on recovery. When you are able to put timescales to the back of your mind, and adopt this ‘Que cera approach’ recovery will come….

    It’s a pity you had to defer your course for a year Nikki, would there be any opportunity to start earlier than Jan? I am sure starting on this course would do you the world of good, and that sitting around waiting for it to happen is giving too much time on your hands to ponder about the meaning of life, which is never a good thing to be doing too much , as it does not achieve peace of mind.

  180. Patrick Says:

    Hi all, just recently found this website – to be honest I’d reached a lot of the conclusions myself after trying all sorts of “quick fixes” – I’m at the point of “relief” that I no longer have to do this like Paul says. Luckily it hasn’t taken me too long to get here, and I haven’t had to avoid any situations. I’m still working and doing all the things I used to do, just have chronic anxiety / mild D.P.! I’m also at the point now where I am getting back to enjoying the things I used to do, rather than doing them because I think this will make the anxiety go – (I was told this was the magic solution, and when it didn’t work was told I was doing the wrong things, therefore I needed to do “something” else!!!!)

    I’m coming to terms with this and trying to just accept my current situation and not worry. Not easy and I think I just need some guidance about a few things. To be honest I’m not worried about the “symptoms”, I’ve been down the road of investigating them and have never really thought I had anything other than anxiety. For me the worry is purely the “worry of being like this forever”. I consciously know this worry is what is keeping me here, but I’m confused as to whether I should avoid the negative thoughts by replacing them with logical positive ones, or see the thoughts through i.e. face the fear ? i.e. What is the difference in this case between allowing myself to go through the process / or stopping negative thoughts in their track ? Hope that makes sense !

  181. Patrick Says:

    In reply to Leslie, I’m in a similar place to you – I’ve only had anxiety for about 3 or 4 months but I still have physical symptoms (usually mild anxiety most of the time, more like nervous stomach, but usually have one period of “high anxiety” when I am at work which lasts a couple of hours – during which my thoughts are at their worst)

    Like you though, even when I just have the nervous feeling, I have a constant “chatter” in my head – not necesarily worry, but just constant. Even if I wake in the middle of the night, my first thoughts are about anxiety! I have tried to replace these thoughts but only manage to do it for minutes at a time then I go back to anxiety! This is obviously all part of the habit but I too would be interested in what people have to say about this.

  182. Paul David Says:

    Sasha you say: I love my husband and family a lot he is supportive as well but when he said u might be having bi polar when he was thinking i was being indifferent or cold at times how do i explain Paul…please help me can u post an article for people who live with people who have this ‘condition’ as no one is aware of this particular problem he says that he hasnt even heard about it in the medical history about such a thing and wudnt go through this site also …he knows i have these mood swings but i know its more than that wen he mentioned bi polar i was so hurt as i am trying to get over this giving no attention to it but pople living with me think that im ignoring them or im cold..its hard for me…can u please post a reply for people to be aware of this condition to have an emphatising attittude for people who are recovering and lend a support…

    Sasha I know what you mean about having someone around that does not understand. A cold, flu, headaches, we don’t have to explain as the other person has felt them. With anxiety they probably have not and what they don’t know, they don’t understand. Why can’t you just come to this social evening and chat freely? ‘Why are you so up and down in your moods, just be happy’ , ‘Why do you keep going distant’? These are just some of the things they may question and as it comes so easy to them they just don’t understand, they maybe patient, but understanding can help both parties a lot more.

    My mum and partner were brilliant, I said you don’t have to understand, just believe me. I want to be the person I used to be more than anything in the world, this is not something I can just snap out of and I need your understanding to help make it easier.

    The way I explained it is, have you ever been in a job interview and felt really nervous, ‘Yes’ well thats how I feel most of the time. The reason is because I worried and stressed so much, my nerves went bad, to the point where they just vibrate all the time, I have seriosuly overworked my body and I feel agitated all the time. The reason I feel so lost and distant is because I have worried about how I have felt, when I did not understand I just went over and over what was wrong, this tired my mind and I began to feel very inward, the same as when someone has lost someone close to them.

    I struggle in conversations as I do worry that people will notice how I feel, I start watching myself and how I am coming across, just trying to get through it, I find it hard to talk freely when I feel so concernned about me, I am trying to let this concern go now and however I feel, not to care and just talk.

    This is how I explained it Sasha, once I put it in a way that people could understand it was easier for them. You can’t make people read up on it, a lot of partners that arent understanding have little patience with the subject and just want you to snap out of it and as you say revert to something they know and can put a label to ‘it must be bi polar, that’s what I know, this anxiety thing does not exist’. Trust me I have had many people over the years say ‘You know I was one of those who never believed in this, I thought it was made up, a work dodgers condition, how wrong I was’.

    In my own experience I had to be selfish to what people thought. I could not waste time thinking, ‘I may lose the love of my partner’, ‘I may lose friends’, ‘what if she thinks I am odd’, all that does is put more pressure on yourself. I know friends knew something was wrong and I just stopped caring, I stopped caring that I was known as a bit odd to my workmates, so be it. I had one goal and that was to be me again, everything else was not important, I could bridge my life back together when this day came and that’s exactly what I did. So try and explain and just ask them to try and understand the best they can and that no one wants to get better more than you do. Point to the fact that the subject is by far the biggest complaint the doctor hears about, the reason it does not get the publicity it deserves is because people feel they should keep it to themselves, you only have to look how busy this blog is to realise and there are people from all walks of life come here.

    I hope that helps in some way

    Paul

  183. Leslie Says:

    I know exactly what you’re talking about Patrick. The constant thinking and worrying about “I’m going to be like this forver” has been horrible. It’s been my main symptom. In the beginning, I was having some of the physical symptoms (i.e. chest tightness, dizziness, numbness), but I really don’t have that anymore. And if I do get those symptoms, they don’t bother. I know it’s just anxiety. Today has started off rough for me. I’ve been so down with thoughts just constantly racing around in my mind. I keep comparing myself to times during this whole anxiety thing where I’ve felt normal. Now it seems like my mind is constantly on anxiety. It’s absolutely the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thing I think of before I go to bed. Like Patrick, I also wake up in the middle of the night thinking about anxiety and this whole situation and how I got myself into this. I just get into such negative thought patterns. I tell myself “I can’t concentrate on anything”, “I don’t enjoy anything anymore”, “I’m like this now, and there’s no way out”. I feel horrible when I get like this. On other days, I have more positive thoughts….I’m still always thinking, but its more like “ok….I’m dealing with this pretty well” or “I feel good right now”. But I’m still constantly thinking about me. I hate it. I just feel so stuck….like I don’t know to stop thinking about myself and my situation. When you say let the focus be on me if I needs to be….does that mean keep thinking about myself?? I’m so confused. Any help or advice from anyone would be greatly appreciated.

  184. Patrick Says:

    Leslie, sounds like we’re in a very similar place indeed – i’m just bored of it now – I have made progress as I couldn’t even sleep 10 weeks ago and dreaded every single day and all I wanted to do was lay on the sofa.
    We’re in the process of moving house and I am looking forward to getting moved in etc, and I sleep well. I have started to enjoy things again though, we do a lot of walking with the dog and I have started reading and playing computer games again after being told that these activities were “no good” by another support group.

    I also spent a lot of time thinking about how I “used” to be, but I am trying not to do this now as it just made me feel bad.

    Where I’m at now is trying to accept this and to stop worrying. I truly believe that is the key but I have only had this “new” attitude for a few weeks so not too much has happened yet! Also, I am trying to stop thinking about timescales as this again just makes me feel worse as it’s just setting up for failure and another reason to cause anxiety.

    Most of the symptoms don’t bother me anymore, except what I call “high anxiety” which is when everything for me gets distorted and the “brain fog” descends and concentration levels reduce to zero. I am usually “OK” when I wake up and get to work and have a couple of hours but then a random thought triggers panic and as yet I cannot yet seem to get through a day without a “high anxiety” attack. It always passes but this is when I do most of my worrying and it almost always happens at work when I am bored. The closer it gets to home time, the more rational my thoughts get!

    Trust me on the activities though, I too did not enjoy anything but in the last 3 or 4 weeks my enjoyment has started to come back. The anxiety never completely “goes” but most of the time it is mild and does not bother me too much, but I still have this constant chatter going on, even then.

  185. Stephen Says:

    Hi scarlet

    I said this above but i dont think you got a chance to reply, only if you have the time to reply though, its not urgent at all just some questions i had.

    As much as i have improved i still have a small element of doubt that i could have a mental illness like one of my fears ive mentioned before. i guess i still may not fully believe that it is anxiety when i know it is. Even though somewhat in my mind i think i could have some other illness do i just believe its anxiety and thats it, just accept the doubt i have and just tell myself i know its only anxiety?

    Its funny that when u fear something like Bipolar monitor ur mood all day and if someone upsets you or u simply feel tired u think ahh my mood has changed it must be it. I am know where near as bad as i was but this doubt i still hold is causing me to drift slightly off and on the track. i hate the ‘what if’s! Its like i know its not, but when i feel bad i question it and think well it could be. grrr lol

    Oh and as the post says, is the attention on me the bit that sorta hangs around the most, cuz ive noticed if im feeling good and think oh how am i feeling i get that “oh i still have anxiety feeling” or “oh its back again” and u just feel alittle off for abit. Its funny how u can almost watch it do what it does best lol. is this the longest bit to go and did it hang around with you for ages towards the end?

    Thanks heaps :)

    Stephen

  186. Nicole Says:

    Hi again,
    Well I am coming out of the hormonal fog and starting to see things clearer once more. The only good thing about having the monthly up and down is that I usually learn something new and I want to try and express what that was this time so I don’t lose it.
    I was reading this blog and doing a little reading again to go over the accepting and allowing concepts when it hit me – Ultimately, what I need to do is clear away all of this material and LIVE with whatever I feel, whatever I think. I know acceptance is discussed over and over again and it is hard to put into words. I just decided that I will be me, I can trust who I am, and know who I am. This condition does not diminish my self worth. In fact it adds to it because of the experiences I have had. I think that I have reached a point after 3+ years where I said to myself “Have some balls here and just live your life without anxiety calling the shots”. I feel like I have found myself amidst all of these storms and I can let the anxiety do its thing and still get on with my life at the same time. “Enough!” I said, “I don’t care about you anymore.” Of course it will come back, to see if I still don’t care and maybe I will for awhile; but I have to say that this feels so right. I hope this makes sense, and if not, thanks for the opportunity to share. Have a wonderful day, Nicole

  187. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Stephen,

    “As much as i have improved i still have a small element of doubt that i could have a mental illness like one of my fears ive mentioned before. i guess i still may not fully believe that it is anxiety when i know it is. Even though somewhat in my mind i think i could have some other illness do i just believe its anxiety and thats it, just accept the doubt i have and just tell myself i know its only anxiety?”

    Oops sorry I thought I did reply, but maybe it was to your last but one post (age creeping up). Anyways as I mentioned before, being a Doubting Thomas is all part and parcel of anxiety, so you can safely say that you have anxiety because of this LOL. I felt exactly the same way for a while, you are following a pattern similar to me. You need to live for a while with a few doubts until you build up a bit more confidence with your own self-healing. When you get niggly thoughts that it may be something else other than anxiety, treat it the same as ANY of the intrusive thoughts you have had over the past year, adopt a ‘yeah whatever’ attitude, and do not attach any emotion to the thought whatsoever, be matter-of-fact, blase about it… and do not follow it through into secondary thinking (ie feel the need to analyse it beyond the thought itself). Believe me You DO NOT have anything else, but of course you are not going to believe these words ;-), time is the only thing that will take away this doubt. Just live your life as notrmal, but brush off the thought until it eventually disappears.

    Also please read Nicoles beautiful post above, I’m sure it will be of help to you.

  188. Nikki Says:

    Hi scarlett ,hi all hope you are having a good day.I have been to work today just got in.I havent been too bad today i find when i am at work i have to concentrate on my work i have no choice its not that mundane that you could do it without thinking ,which of course means i dont have time to analise my thinknig or my anxiety and i talk to work colleagues and today found myself chatting away about my kids and my life and never mentioned the anxiety and it dawned on me that there is stuff to think about if you give at a try ,the more i step back from this subject the more i will find other subjects that will help me more than any thing i could read or post here (no offence meant lol )I realise from reading my posts earlier today that i am trying to find reasons for all of the emotions that have been attatched to thoughts if you know what i mean.I have been trying to dig and find out why i dont want to do nursing?why i dont want to do the house work?of course there will be a reason why a certain moment thought or feeling has been established.There always will be reason why we will react to thoughts.For me i thought solving these little worries would make me fear them less or react to them less truth is it doesnt matter why.It really doesnt matter why and pondering these questions is whata keeping me thinking about the subject analizing every feeling and then needing to come here and right it down in case someone says you nearly there now your nearing the end.If ijust try as hard to concentrate on my life the same way as i can concentrate at work (because i do and i feel better for it) and yes i will feel differences in my emotions and physical symptoms but this is an ongoing ever changing process that will change by the hour and by the day until i dont feel anxiety anymore or at least normal levels.My biggest problem with it all is the emotion you feel at times its all very negative not the physical such as palpitions or sweating, to be honest nearly all my physical symptoms have gone.Ihave a feeling in my lower back that feels like excitement like if you go abit fast in your car, and i ache where my kidneys are loads and getting abuzzing feeling in this area and of course when i was really stressed my arms and chest used to ache but now they tingle with nerves at times.All this is fine i am very used to it and feel a bit weird when it isnt happening.As i say its the emotion that bother they are all negative and dont want to emotions that turn my stomach like going over a humpback bridge.I am going to do as i have been told and find other things to concentrate on and stop analising how i got here.I might try a bit of cbt if ineed to think about anxiety or post i will allow myself one time in the day.Thanks Scarlett for your advice and kindness i am really going to try to GIVE UP. x x x

    P.S should i start posting a bit obsessively again,would someone please be kind enough to redirect me here and take my own advice lol x x Happy days to you xx

  189. Victor Says:

    Hello,

    Hope everyone is doing well. I have been quiet the past few weeks. As Paul and others have said, it is good to get away from the blog sometimes just to get a break.

    I just wanted to let all those who gave me suggestions and encouragement during my last anxiety episode with the thoughts about my daughter. I have had a great two weeks now, I have finally started accepting the thoughts and have also realized that I have not been feeling trapped in my own mind as often. I have been zoning out, and away from the anxiety all together. The thoughts about my daughter have reduced GREATLY to say the least. Almost non existent at this point. And when they have been coming I just been accepting, just took a lot of practice and patience!!!

    I see a few new people on the blog. Just wanted to say that you have found a great place, and probably the only place you need to help you through. I have been through a lot of symptoms in my 6 months since I have had my anxiety, and with the help of this blog and Pauls book I have made it through every anxiety episode that I have faced. Whenever you think your going through something nobody else has faced, you can come here and find 2 things. The first being other people who have gone through similar situations, and the second being help to make it through whatever situtation you are facing.

    I am not fully recovered. But with everyday that goes by, I feel like I am gettig better and becoming stronger mentally. Thank you again and best of luck to all!

  190. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Victor,

    I am so glad that you have been able to dismiss your thoughts more since you last posted here, and they have diminished. It took me a while to grasp the concept of acceptance and not analysing my thoughts. Basically I muddled my way through because I didn’t have resources like this at my fingertips. For a long time, I thought the only way to get rid of them was to analyse and try to make sense of them… but of course you can’t try and rationalise irrational thoughts.
    You are doing great Victor, and most definitely on the right track to full recovery. Let us know if we can help you further.

  191. Helz Belz Says:

    Hi everyone,
    I would just like to give some encouragement to everyone here, don’t keep running after recovery, it will come to you once you let it. Don’t put a time limit on yourself either. I’ve been following the recovery path now for around 9 months, after 2 years of anxiety, and i still get setbacks quite often where it feels like i’m back at stage one and feeling like nothing has worked at all, bt deep down a small part of me knows that it it just anxiety and that the setbacks will pass. i am looking forward to the day when i move out of the stage of thought symptoms and feeling symtoms of anxiety as then i will know that the worst is behind me. learning to accept can take a very long time (im still getting the hang of it myself) but the more you practice the more you will feel like you are recovering!
    i wish pink days on you all! H -x-

  192. lorryt Says:

    hi there all

    having a bit of a bad day due to yet again health problems means i have to yet again go back into hopsital. its only for 2 days but i feel all the drugs and operations really bring me down and each time it takes me longer to get back up and running…

    i will try not to stress too much never mind eh!

    havea good day allxxxxx

  193. lisa Says:

    you take care lorry, the good thing is you can get back up now ;-) xx

  194. Fiona Says:

    Hey LorryT, good to hear from you my dear!! The hospital visits wont be nice, but your not going to enjoy it with or without anxiety. It is stressful so dont beat your self up about feeling stressed the important thing is to keep it in perspective and not let the worry get out of hand.
    All the best
    Fixxx

  195. LORRYT Says:

    thanks guys, i might have to invest in it. its weird, i know ihave to go into hospital and i guess i am coping with it better now than i did two years ago, but it still sets me back a lot, last time i went in was december, and i really only felt like me again last month!. mind you i did have a few good weeks so thats something to build on. it felt soo freeing and uninhibited and worry free. i know it can be achieved, just need to stop giving myself a hard time about it all.

    amazon here i come thanks fiona, lisa, hope you are all keeping well xxxxx

  196. mac Says:

    hey its mac again, im understadning to let thoughts go and thatis working and it is becomign easier however i still fell that attetntion is alwasy on me all day and that im looking at myself and watching every move i make and i cant stop it. how to allow it to not bother me when it is with me all day and for 3 years i have felt like this without getting frustrated or tuning in???? thanks a whole bunch…. Mac

  197. Kashawn Says:

    Mac,

    You are fighting to rid yourself of the “attention being on you” symptom. The key is to keep yourself busy by trying your best to focus on outward tasks like socializing, reading, looking at nature etc. If the attention is on you, then allow it this is the key, as you do more and more outward things, the strange feelings you are having now will slowly turn into the normal feelings you had before your anxiety experience. You are going to feel odd and strange but as you keep living on you will feel more and more normal;habits reverse. Acceptance, patience and staying busy is key.

    All the best
    Kashawn

  198. Fiona Says:

    Kashwan you have got it spot on!
    Mac, you need to do as Kashwan says, i think you are reading the words but not quite understanding them. Its not going to disappear overnight and i think that is what you want. The symptoms are there but you can swing between feeling normal and outward and anxious and inward. The more you practise the normal outward feeling the bigger the breaks are between the anxious and inward feelings. Hope that makes sense xxx

  199. mac Says:

    ok thank you bothof you, yeah your right i guess is fear that this is me forever adn just give up easy. it does feel weird and its annoying that the attention is on me but if i dont let it bother me and say so what, eventually it won’t bother me and my normal thoughts and feelings will eventually return

  200. Scarlet Says:

    Fiona,

    I have just bought that book for a friend, but am reading it first ;-) … it is one of the best I’ve read… very knowledgeable man, bless him.

    x

  201. Nikki Says:

    Hi all! I havent been logging on for a few days and have noticed the difference from staying away from the subject.I feel that my anxiety has dipped to a comfortable copable level.Dont get me wrong I still feel weird and have the odd irrational thought but i put my mind to something else and invariably it goes away.I feel very unnerved is the only way to explain it,as if im waiting for something to happen!! but its ok.I realise now that when i was told by you all that the anxiety will fade away but it will take time,I hadnt realise that i could have anxiety that didnt overwhelm me and that is possible to live with.I have reached that level now.I had thought that i would feel terrible for months and then just be o.k one day.You are right things strip away in layers.I couldnt tell you what bits have left i can only say that i feel more me,that i am interested in my life again but i can see how far i still have to go to be back on form.I could write you a list of what needs to change to make me right but not what has changed to get me here.I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.I am starting to feel strong again and i can see where the dents were and still are,I didnt think it had but my confidence has taken a knock but its only the apprehension i am feeling thats keeping my confidence low.I also know that once recovered my confidence will be even higher for having come through this.I also dont like the feeling of needing help or being ill(even with a cold)so that can make me feel worse at times.I wouldnt say the last few days have been any easier than before but as i say i have been concentrating on my life and when i feel the anxiety i just relax myself and smile.It does work.I also understand that this is mostly habit and memory I can see how that works now,I didnt get it before and just needs time to reset those memories because as my adrenalin/anxiety resets and reduces i wont react the same way to certain subjects/thoughts because there wont be that anxiety to keep them going.I can see how this could take maybe a year or so to change,I was scared to think maybe i would suffer for this long but its not suffering for this long its recovering yourself,its different and its cool I am learning about me and discovering myself all over again.I am learning where i have gone wrong and my family are going to get the nicest me possible from now on the relationships that have been suffering from my over stressfull life are now benefiting.The housework can wait, i am now making more time for fun and spending quality time not just watching telly but being with my family and laughing.If anything having this anxiety breakdown was just what i needed to get me to reasess whats really important.Thats not to say i would wish what i have been through on anyone but i am trying to turn what could have prospectively been a bad thing into a positive turning point, it would seem you cant really enjoy the highs till you have experienced the lows and boy this has been my lowest.I am very strong minded and dont listen to advice usually so im not sure what else in my life could have given me this new understanding.As i say i am far from recovered but in no doubt i will be.Thank you candie scarlett paul fiona kashawn and lisa for being here i would still be chasing my tail without you I am going to keep away from the blog il just drop in from time to time to see how you are all gtting on.Happy days to you all x x x

  202. lisa Says:

    nice one well done nikki ;-) lorry i am fine thank you. wishing you a speedy recovery hun ;-)

  203. Leslie Says:

    Hello all. I just felt like posting because I feel more “trapped in my head” today than I have the past couple days. I’ve been kind of down just thinking about my whole situation. But then my mind starts going on its own and trying to analyse the whole situation. I honestly don’t have any of the physical symtpoms anymore. My whole problem this whole time is my thoughts. I keep getting horrible thoughts like there is something wrong or I have something to worry about but i don’t know what. Or when I think about doing something like watching TV, i automatically think “I can’t”. It’s just so bizarre. And I try not to think when this all is going to be over, but I’ve been doing that a lot today. Then my mind automatically says “what are you waiting for to be over???” I dont have the physical stuff, I just keep dealing with these thoughts. Its like I’m questioning everything. Like how can this be over if I’m not even sure what needs to be over?? I’m sure I’m thoroughly confusing everyone. I don’t know if I’m just making too big a deal out of the whole situation. But I feel like I don’t know how to overreact to every thought. I just get so overwhelmed. Any thoughts woud be sooooo appreciated.

  204. Kashawn Says:

    Hi Leslie,

    Your nerves are tired and your mind is overactive so irrational/scary thoughts are going to come in here and there. From what I can tell, you are questioning your condition; you are fighting your condtion and giving the anxiety show far too much respect:). Its hard I know, but from what you wrote, you are thinking way too much about your condition and giving anxiety and the irrational thoughts far too much fuel. Just be, let all the thoughts flow in, let all the symptoms happen, just dont add to the fire; we do this by keeping busy and focusing on outward things like reading or taking a nice walk. Anxiety can trap you if you are not keeping busy because this will then lead to inward thinking which will fuel all anxiety and depersonalization symptoms, dont pay the symtpoms respect its a skill that grows with time. You will be okay:)

    All the best
    Kashawn.

  205. sally Says:

    Hi there,
    i have been struggling with anxiety and strong dp for 3 years now, and although i first stumbled upon paul’s website 2.5 years ago, i still can’t seem to get through this situation….i would like some advice as to where i must be going wrong, as i feel like i have not made much progress at all. My main symptoms are dp, and these horrible unatached feelings i have with myself and my environment. My main issue which i hope someone can shed some light on is this horrible detached feeling from my family and life. its as though my mind is stuck on me, and at the same time i feel a strong strangeness within myself, and i just can’t reach out into the world, its like i know who i am, but the “real” me can’t interact, i feel emotionally numb towards my family, and i feel as though my children feel unfamiliar yet i know if you get the drift. I understand its dp, but where i find i need some advice is when i am with my family and friends, i get the instant reaction of panic and complete strangeness because it feels so unatural. also Why do i feel strange when i speak of my family and friends, like i know what and who they are and whats happening, but its odd and i get this panic fear feeling of when i need to talk about them…..its a complete feeling of detachment. However, i have had these brief moments maybe 5 times, where it has lifted and it feels like its “me” experiencing and truly understanding and talking about my family…..at night, i feel as though i am behind a glass wall, and my environment ..family etc etc, feels detached …its like i know what and who everyone is, but like i am not fully grasping life..and i can’t have the proper normal thoughts that flow when around certain people and in general ‘life” .I aslo feel like i don’t have My thoughts, nothing enters my mind apart from how detached i feel, and then if i am not thinking, its this emtpy lost feeling, like i am just there…please i would love someone to advise me on how to move forward as i am really ready and pretty over it…..I am not sure if i should have posted in this section….just felt like i needed to put it out there.
    Sally

  206. louise Says:

    Hey everyone,havent posted in a while,but still checking in from time to time,im seeing this as a big plus because only a couple of weeks ago id be on here the second the kids left for school.I beieve now ive gained enough knowledge on anxiety,i know the cause of all my symptoms snd overall i have a good understanding.I used to ask a question on everything single thing i felt,i no longer feel the need to do this,i know the answer to all my questions and i know ive got to live along side them for the time being.Ive been doing well,still anxious,up and down but accepting all of it,still facing my fears and moving towards fear as willingly as i can muster,Sometimes i walk away knowing i was a bag of nerves but i no longer let this ruin my day!!This is a big step and attitude shift for me.I know im going to get there………Looking back at mysely 6months ago i cant believe how far ive come,im no longer concerned by how much longer it will take to fully recover either,i no im on the right road and im breaking away from anxiety slowly but surely………Words cant describe how this feels!!!I feel like im starting to LIVE,Paul ive got to say from the bottom of my heat thankyou so much for your book and this site and i do believe i wouldnt be where im at today,looking forward to the future,without you.xxxSpeak soon

  207. Nikki Says:

    Hi all,I know i said i wasnt logging on for a bit but i have made a big step today! I have called the nursing college in order that i can return to nursing in september.I believe the anxiety i have associated with this is holding me back.Feeling that i cant do this course has resulted in a massive lack of confidence,I felt that i had lost my way because i had the next three years planned on this course and also having a good job gave me confidence.I am fearfull but going towards my fears as you advise.THanks all for your support x x
    Hi lisa it sounds like you have reached the same stage as myself in the recovery process.It feels great doesnt it? x

  208. sasha Says:

    Hi Louise..

    This is what i feels at times and now is one of the times i feel like that..anyways there is no point thinking about it all the time…so let it be there as u said it goes layer by layer only i have got rid of most of my symptoms though i have couple of it..but i have made my life more busy than how it was but one thing i realised now was that even before i got caught into this viscious circle i was a generally an anxious person with a lot of what ifs but then my emotions were in control and i was worrying about other day to day issues in life but now that my mind got tired nerves became sensitised focus changed it became inward thats the only difference so its all about the attittude

    when i was ok before i used to think i could never attain the blissful state i was always worried about other people, being nice to them giving undue importance to other people’s wellbeing inturn forgetting me totally .i lost in touch with the real me..it was suffering inside…being nice became second nature to me i couldnt be natural..what if i hurt anyone thats how it all started and ended where? in being gifted by the viscious circle…anyways i have learnt a lesson…live your life..never bother too much about other things or making everyone happy..enjoy nature do day to day chores keep spare time to indulge in ur hobbies or things u like after that u’ll feel atleast slightly okk feeling..that puts ur attention outside…talk with other people make ur life busy that gives u more motivation to look outward..ur mind automatically tries to put its attention outside slowly…it will b a slow process..u dont expect anything in return when u go out meet people just do it for the sake of it..slowly u will get the grip of it…then u will want to go further…in my experience i have felt the difference..it will go by layers…so time and patience!!! confidence courage and will power will help as well once u go out no matter how u feel is the way u begin..slowly ur confidence will build as u feel people reciprocating to u though u may feel crap at times..i hope this will help atleast someone .i like to read posts of people who have made it through …it inspires me…

  209. Patrick Says:

    Hi all, I’m fairly new to this blog, but as I said earlier, I had reached some of the conclusions here by myself in that I had to stop searching for the miracle cure and just get on with it ! I was wondering if I explained my situation that somebody might be able to just give me a push in the right direction – I have had small anxiety episodes in the last two years when my wife fell ill. These episodes passed quickly but earlier this year, I woke up one night fearing how I would cope if something similar happened again. Since then, I have been stuck in the cycle which has become my new fear – that I am stuck. After searching for a miracle cure for a while, I realised it didn’t exist. Personally I find that it is not locations that bother me, ie. I can go shopping, drive, do everything that I used to do – but it is all with a dull anxiety most of the time. It is when I think I am stuck forever, that builds the anxiety, but never into full panic. Also, memories of some really bad days trigger an anxiety attack. Sure, it always subsides to just a dull anxiety again, but I am not sure how to “face” this fear? What I find is that I wake up reasonably OK, and the anxiety builds to dullness, it eases by bedtime and I sleep OK, but then the next day is exactly the same. On an evening, when the anxiety is at it’s weakest, I feel very confident and brave and my thoughts become more rational, but when the anxiety is “high”, I can’t seem to shake this fear of being stuck like this forever. Like many others as well, my attention seems to be on me all the time, even when the anxiety has mostly subsided, I find myself thinking about it!! I have been doing some self help therapy on how to stop worrying and this has made me realise that “trying to stop worrying” is ineffective – but has given some good alternative strategies such as postponing / letting go / accepting uncertaintly etc which I am sure will help me in the long run.

    I am on the way to accepting the physical side of things – I have never feared them as such, never thought I had some terrible illness, so just wonder if somebody can suggest how I face my fear of being stuck like this ? If I can address this properly I think this will be a big move forward!

    thanks in advance!

  210. Patrick Says:

    Sorry for the 2nd post in a day but I really only want some advice on one thing – I don’t want to get into the habit again of searching for answers every day, everything I have ever read about anxiety relates to people fearing the symptoms themselves, and says once you understand the symptoms a lot of the fear dissipates – but if there’s one thing holding me back it’s the fear of being stuck like this forever, not the fear of the symptoms as such, I know I’m not dying / going mad etc. You might think this is the same thing but it isn’t to me – does this make sense to anyone and can anybody offer advice on how they might be handling this particular fear?

  211. Candie Says:

    Patrick it is the same thing…. fear is fear, the anxious content is irrelevant- you are having another what if like the rest of us. You need to do what the rest of us do and dismiss the thought, dont argue with it mentally but class it as rubbish and give it no respect. By sounds of it you assume if you could be rational with this thought you would feel a lot better, so the pressure is really on to try sort this. Until you understand the anxious mind will bring up thoughts like that, then learn to stop fearing it and allowing it- the anxiety wont completely go till you grasp this. By the way, i think this thought is one that just about everyone with anxiety has at one point or another! I used to wake up everyday overwhemed by it, but i got on with things and practiced my new habits and before long it wasnt my first thought upon waking- infact now i dont think anything of the sort in the morning. I get up and my focus is mostly outward, anxiety may creep in slightly throughout the day but i am slowly recovering. True acceptance is to not pressure yourself to be any other way, i gave in to been this way and by doing so it has gradually left.

  212. Patrick Says:

    Thanks Candie, I see what you mean. Somebody told me a while ago that everybody thinks their anxiety is “different” and unique. I am working on the acceptance and have noticed small differences in the past couple of weeks. Also, I have stopped doing stuff just to make me feel better (which didn’t work) and started doing what I want to do and stopped putting pressure on myself to get better in a timescale.

    Mostly the anxiety is mild for me, but when I get the thought about being stuck, this is what triggers an anxiety attack for me – I am still unsure as to what is fighting and what is not!

    Thanks for the reply !

  213. sally Says:

    Hi there all, sorry for posting again, but i was wondering if someone could comment and maybe advise me on my previous post….thankyou.
    sally

  214. Fiona Says:

    Hi Sally, your describing DP and feelings of unreality perfectley and you understand exactly what they are, most anxiety sufffers have these sensations as there minds are tired by the constannt thinking and your brain is protecting you from all the worry you have created for yourself. Getting through these feeling sis not an easy task but certainly an achieveable one as anyone who suffers from anxiety will tell you. A lot of the feelings come from the constant checking in and having the attention on yourself and this is what you must try and change. First of all stop being so impressed by and upset by DP, its not that bad, you still function properly, you still live your life, you just feel a bit out of it which is to be expected under the circumstances so welcome the feeling, dont be scared of it. I’ve had DP on and off but i know its because i’m always thinking about me. I’m being inward instead of outward and as i practise ignoring DP, seeing it as a harmless sensation and focusing outward instead of trying to ‘fix’ DP you can feel how harmless it is. It only has the power you give it. Interact with your friends and family as if you don’t have DP and slowly that will become a reality.
    I hope this helps xxxxxx

  215. sally Says:

    FIONA,

    thankyou so much for your reply, everything you say makes alot of sense, but what i struggle with is , and maybe you can give me a hint on how to handle this, is that when i do try and focus outward, i find i can’t “interact” and go along, its like i can be with my kids, and whatever they are saying, its like i can’t respond without it being a huge effort and half the time i’m not interested. it feels so strange and my mind keeps on trying to feel and see things “normally” almost waiting and looking for the proper feeling and thoughts. so what you are saying is that no matter how strange and weird and disconnected i feel, go along with the sensation?? I must admit, a coupe of weeks ago, i was trying very hard to stay focused on my outward tasks, and i had a half hour where it felt as though it lifted, and i could “feel” my kids and myself again………i will keep on following what you have said, Thanks Fiona…….as you know, it is a very distressing feeling dp……
    Sally

  216. Fiona Says:

    Sally i really feel for you it is horrible but it will go with time and patience. You must practise staying in the moment and staying outward. This will be very difficult to start with but it will grow with time. DP is a habit and somenthing you look for. If you focus outward you will not notice DP until you think about yourself again. DP is due to deep inward thinking, but it mostly definately can be reversed. You must make a concious decision to stop being overwhelmed by DP and stop looking for it and giving it your attention. To do this you must stop focussing on you and focus outwards. Think back to how your thought processes worked before anxiety. Thoughts where fleeting, light and diffuse you concentrated very little on your thinking, now they are heavy and obssessive and DP is the result of that.
    Good luck you can definatley do this, just stop giving DP so much respect. Its an annoying but harmless feeling that will lift slowly but surely
    xxxxxxx

  217. Leslie Says:

    Thanks so much for the response Kashwan. You give such great advice! Yesterday was a really good day for me. I had some thoughts come in here and there, but I just got on with my day. And I’m starting today off pretty well. Patrick, like I said before, I totally relate to exactly what you’re saying. I think we both have mild anxiety. When I had the physical symptoms, I always knew what they were so they didn’t really bother me too much. Now it’s just the thoughts that get to me sometimes. It’s so weird, sometimes I’ll have these thoughts and they don’t stick whatsoever, but other times I’ll have them and I focus on them all day long. I guess that just means my anxiety is high when I seem to grab onto all those thoughts?? I also have the same thoughts about being stuck like this forever, but then I start overanalyzing. I think to myself…..”stuck like what…..stuck like thinking you’re stuck somewhere”. It’s completely and totally irrational and that’s what gets to me. I’m definitely getting better, but I still get thoughts about being like “this” forever. Anyway, on with the day!

  218. Stephen Says:

    Hi scarlet and Candie

    Im feeling a little off at the moment, just had some bad thoughts that i will never live free again and that i wont be able to live a normal life. when i have these thoughts they dont seem to hang around too long and when i forget them i usually feel normal again so i guess that means im getting better? lol. just abit confused at the moment or grey as you would say scarlet, i think i have been suffering a year and to think that made me a little sad.

    I have felt down abit laterly but im always thinking bad thoughts about myself, like i’ll never make a good husbane, a bad father, wont be able to enjoy life like all my friends etc. I know its all apart of the process, but is it normal to think ur nothing compared to other ppl, like everyone else is better then you. I dont feel like ive gone backwards in recovery just abit bumpy at the moment. I also think at 21 years of age im going through what alot of other people my age usually are such as working out who i am as a person, what i want to do with life etc.

    Scarlet did you also feel like ud be the only one who would never recover? and do you remember ur stages you went through to recovery? not to expect mine to be the same im just interested and like to hear something positive lol. I hate feeling normal then checking in on how im feeling to instantly feel that weird, attion on myself feeling that feels like a grey day.

    Sorry about my largish post, just wanted to get them off my chest, hope all is well with everyone.

    Stephen

  219. Tracey Says:

    I’ve been in a bit of a setback these last 2 days–not too bad of a setback but I think I know where I’ve been going wrong these last 2 days and I was hoping someone could shed some light on this and tell me if I’m on the right track with my observation. I’ve been extremely tired because I just got back from a little weekend trip so I know that the cause is my body/mind are tired so everything is exaggerated at the moment. but I’ve been letting my thoughts get to me a little bit and my observation was this, I’ve been doing well with not adding the 2nd fear to my thoughts etc and I noticed my old self coming back but I realized that there are moments where I’ll feel like my thoughts feel so real and it scares me and its from that thought of “omg why does this feel real” I get a reaction which sends me into investigating mode again. It makes me mad because I know there not and I just wish I could get that–which I also know that with anxiety everything seems real…so my question is even when you get those thoughts or feelings that’s still 2nd fear right? and as with all the other scary/ intrusive thoughts you just don’t give them any weight?

  220. Victor Says:

    Thanks Scarlet!

    I have to admit though, after having a great past couple of weeks, the past couple of days has been harsh. Especially today. I Have been feeling down in the dumps about the anxiety and my thoughts, and attention has been on me all day, can not seem to stop thinking about my anxiety and my thoughts.

    I just had a few questions. I am still trying to understand what I am currently going through, and if I better understand it, I feel it will help greatly.

    First, I wanted to know if the thoughts we have, have to be scary or irrational in order to blame it on the anxiety? Because The thoughts I have been fighting with for the past couple months are not scary, but they are odd. And I feel they are normal for new fathers (although im not sure), especially of daughters, but mines are magnified because I am so aware of them (because of my anxiety and state of mind), which is why they are still here. Is this probably correct??

    Input from anyone is greatly appreciated. Thank you!

  221. mike Says:

    hi sally.
    just let the feelings come and in time you will see this anxiety as no challlenge. i had quite a bad setback after returning from a stag do in february and found myself trying to force normal feelings towards my family especially my kids. i had forgot what paul had said regards setbacks got all upset because this thing had come back even after being warned. you are interested in what your kids are doing, saying its just the anxiety that is playing its nasty tricks on your mind. IT WILL GET EASIER.
    hi patrick, thats the attitude mate, let it come and do its worst , dont force yourself to do anything just do what you feel is right e.g ill go for a run if i wanna go for a run. dont worry patrick you wont be like this forever my friend.
    stephen, its been a year SO WHAT!! if its another year SO WHAT! dont listen to the negative, just let it be there DONT FIGHT IT.
    as i said above tracey the setbacks are bloody awful my love. i think im just about there coming out of it so if i can help please feel free to ask me and ill do my best to help. BRING IT ON.

  222. sasha Says:

    today has been a very bad for me…feel cloudy the whole day …yesterday had been a very good day..but i wonder how come i feel so disconnected, unreal and freezed out without any reason..then i feel my brain had stopped functioning i just feel like lying down…i dont know how to carry on without giving any attention.i feel so drowsy.its like wen ur not feeling well u just want to liedown..im just living the day. i know just moving on is the only way out…but how?? total disinterest and disability in gettingout and doing things..m tired…sorry friends…i know m not using the advice..i am trying though

  223. Nikki Says:

    HI all!! hope everyone doing o.k! I have been alot better over the last week or so and at times i feel so removed from the anxiety i feel almost normal again, at least physically any way.It would seem there is a fine line between having a very tired body and the emotional feelings.Sometimes i cant distinguish between feeling unnereved/apprehensive or just extremely achey.I have a sense of myself and my confidence is returning slowly/ at least I am aware the confident person I was is still there and the things i was able to do before i can still do it just takes a bit more effort now, but its getting easier.I stil have the very strange irrational fears, although they do not bother me in the slightest.It seems sometimes as if i having been living in aa dream like state and when i think about the things that have been bothering me,its almost like it never happened and i dreamed it all.Is this making any sense to anyone? the little things that used to bother me like not wanting to be on my own and worrying how im going to fill up my days,I still have these thoughts but the thought itself doesnt bother me,the fact these thoughts are still lingering does though it seems strange to be hung up on things you no longer care about.Im sure all of these seems very strange and hope someone can identify.I feel like i have one more big wall to push over before i can feel completely recovered its within reach and i know im being impatient again.Did anyone else feel like this before they recovered?

    Any reply would be great.Thanks x

  224. sally Says:

    Sasha,
    I know exctly how you feel, i feel like that often, but like you, today was especially bad, i just could not function. i was at my mum’s and felt so out of it and disconnected from myself, that i could not even communicate…it felt as though my brain was just dead, and along with the feelings of anxiety b/c of it. I tend to feel worse around my family, as the disconnection is so severe, and i suppose being around them brings out that symptom stronger…..Keep on moving on Sasha…we’ll get there

  225. sasha Says:

    thanks Sally..

    I feel slightly better now that i passed the severe storm but my issue is that people around me doesnt know how much i am sufering because of this condition they think that i have some issues thats troubling me which is not the case. how often can i explain them? do ur family members know about this ? do they ask u y u r feeling so low?
    i sometimes feel depressed just because of these setbacks when i know i have to expect this and it will come out of the blue..i was enjoying my life till it hit me…anyways we have to move on…there is no other way out!…

  226. sasha Says:

    hi Paul,

    Its sad that most of the people do not know that such a condition exist not even psychologists if this was given more awareness people living with those who are suffering with this condition will be able to deal with understanding…if there were small groups like support groups in an area where people could meet and share about their feelings and experiences and to know there are people just like them and they are not alone..they could communicate and do things together without any hesitation…slowly that will build confidence to move on…
    support groups would be a great idea when people feel low they can just go there, interact, get engaged in games make them more active so even if they feel low they know they have a placeto go which will make them feel better this is just an idea which popped up in my mind..

  227. Nikki Says:

    Hi me again lol!I have got a feeling of complete calm today despite still having nerves.I dont know why but i feel detatched from the anxiety even though the usual thoughts are swirling i know they are not a real problem.I cant emphasise enough how relaxed and chilled i feel soooo calm.For every symptom i feel because i still have apprehension and sesitized nerves none of it matters its o.k chill sort of attitude and my body has responded to it.I feel like the person i was but with anxiety symptoms (does that make sense) I hope someone can relate! it feels so strange but so good at the same time.Sure is weird.

  228. Nikki Says:

    Oh and also feels like if i had a real good massage or really got my muscles stretched then all the tension/nerves would be eased.Nerves area actually starting to feel more like over excitement than nervesnous.

  229. Nicole Says:

    Can anyone relate to this one?
    I know that I have made tremendous progress this year however, due to thinking about recovery I have this stronge urge to REALLY understand what happened, what got me there, how I got out etc. It’s like if I can really sort this out, I will feel on top of this thing be able to walk away once and for all. I know that this is my brain trying to rationalize this experience and I am letting this go as I know that getting involved in these thoughts will not help. I find that I am trying to classify the experience so I can look back at it. Wierd. Sound familiar to anyone?

  230. Nikki Says:

    Hi nicole.Yes i totally understand I have the same thing its almost like if you can go back to the beginning and find out what happend physically and emotionally then when that problem is solved the feelings will go away.I have days where anxiety doesnt even feel part of me and i can move through the day without needing to describe how im feeling.Other days like today because i feel like i have taken a step back and although i have been feeling calm all day, i dont now, im feeling really tired and edgey.Im preety damn fed up with the whole thing today not frustrated just fed up because im struggling through my day again because of the symptoms.Sorry for whinging ,its just that i am doing everything as normal and i can feel my old self coming back and the weird thoughts or feelings i get arent important anymore i know they are not real and wont keep happening when the adrenalin settles.Im so over this i still have the thoughts and they do try to scare but i dont have a reaction anymore i dont even look for reactions anymore because it really isnt important it just doesnt matter, i dont need anxiety to protect me anymore.The things i had avoided i do anyway.Anxiety makes no difference to how i live and hasnt for ages so why is it still here? Sorry that does sound very poor me i dont mean to x

  231. Nicole Says:

    Just like everything else Nikki, we can’t force a feeling or understanding. I keep reminding myself “All in good time” so I will float past these thoughts and urges to sort out whatever this was and how I got through it and live for the moment!
    Have a great day,

    Nicole

  232. Nikki Says:

    I think the situation has been made worse because i have had a few days without anxiety and been able to feel normal agin and see how distant and ‘not real’these thoughts and feelings are so i have a larger sense of who i am and i know i can still do everything i want to just like i did before this happened.My huge confidence has returned and Normal feeling returned normal thinking returned and now im back feeling the anxiety again and i have no fear or use for it any more i dont care about it, it isnt changing my life. it made me realise that actually this thing will go I dont try to force normal feeling because i tried that in the early days you cant force anything i float with every thought or symptom and ignore it all i dont stress or analyse about why did i think that because the truth is i now this cant hurt me i dont get a reaction to irrational thoughts,just lingering symptoms such as massive tiredness and aching limbs.As i say it doesnt stop me doing anything its just annoying now because its not needed i feel like i am back in control and i dont need it anymore if i feel fear or weirdness i go ahead and do it anyway i dont have any problems or stress to wory about i dont worry anymore about having anxiety i am just waiting for it to go whilst i carry on living as i would if i hadnt got anxiety.It feels like if anxiety was a real living thing it is hanging on by its fingernails and throwing everything at me to get me to analyse or spiral or panic, i just dont care how it makes me feel im not interested no more.I feel like i have one more hurdle to cross to alleviate the whole thing because i am so close to being back to me.Again it comes down to time iam impatient.You are right to live in the moment that is the best way to go because there is no fear to invite in then.Hope you have a good day too

  233. Candie Says:

    Hi Nikki

    No offense, but you say you have trually accepted etc- but if you are questioning why the anxiety is still here then this cant be the case. Your trying to figure out why its still here when your doing everything right, but in tryin to figure out why its still here and when it will go thats whats keeping it around. I do beleive you have had a change of attitude which is helping you no end, but dont worry over when it will go- as it will go when it no longer matters and you lose focus of it. To lose anxiety we have to face fears, accept symptoms and then we lose focus on it.

  234. Nikki Says:

    HI candie I get what your saying if something still bothers you then you havent accepted it.When i say i wonder why its still around i mean physically how does adrenalin work not ‘why oh why am i still suffering it seems so unfair’.Its purely from an information/technical point of view that i wonder.My grasp of the subject is that nerves just settle in time if we dont fuel them with more worry over any subject ,just learn to chill out and take it easy live life, go out go on holiday do stuff!!Nerves dont settle if we continue to ruffle them with more worry over anything but obviously we would worry about the anxiety which keeps the circle going we could of course be worrying over a specific problem work etc.This is why some people can suffer for years with anxiety they just cant stop the worry or have a stressfull life and dont stop worrying and this is why they dont recover and some have a specific defining moment that starts the anxiety as i did it was just a build up of intense stress and worry over a long period of time resulting in one massive panic attack and symptoms to follow so if i just chill out and get on my nerves/anxiety/adrenalin whatever you prefer to call it will in time just revert to normal levels as it was before the stress, this advice applies to everyone who has anxiety and over time their nerves also will just reset.I hope i have understood this properly,sometimes i log on and there are people here who have suffered for many years which is why i had a hard time at first believing this would just all go away. If my thoery above is correct thenIt makes no difference to me why its still here it will go when its run its course i accept that, my question is am i correct in my thinking? I have heard too many people say that getting over anxiety is learning to live with it whereas i beleived it was learning to live with it until nerves reset and life become normal once more.Can you put me straight?

  235. Nikki Says:

    Sorry for posting again so soon but also another reason for my complete bewilderment back in january and also now to a certain extent is that i have never been a nervous person i havent ever suffered from anxiety even slightly before.I have always been a very confident outgoing person,i find it very easy to speak publicly and have only ever had mild nerves on the usual occasions such as driving test and my wedding day and even then i have such a strong confident faith in myself that i will cope with the any situation at any given time that to find myself feeling the intense fear and d.p that this condition brings absolutely threw me and has also dispeled many myths about anxious people or those who suffer anxiety.I know now it is not just obviously nervous people who are anxious but the most confident person in the room can be in a deep state of d.p and no-one would know.This is more a chemical physical reaction than a worrying mind.If you were to meet me as im sure many others here would also testify too you would never know i had anxiety.

  236. Candie Says:

    Nikki

    I think what people mean by that is when you can learn to live beside this, face whatever you fear and accept whatever you feel is ok to feel- it tends to go away gradually anyway. I think you are a very deep thinker and your getting really caught up in looking for the ‘little’ answers. I can assure you if you find them they wont make you recover- i would suggest you stop reading in to deep about the cause of symptoms and what anxiety is in general. You have a good understanding of what it is, you need to go away and let your focus be else where… by all this deep thinking your trapping yourself in your mind. Some of us do it naturally as a habbit.. that is fine. But i feel your deep thinking is some kind of search and it wont do you any good. True understanding and confidence can only come to you if you practice stepping back from all this, a lot of anxiety is us focussing to deep on things which intensifies them.. so give yourself a break :)

  237. lisa Says:

    good advise candie, listen to her nikki shes right, thats how you recover :-)

  238. Nikki Says:

    Hi candie everything you say is spot on!! Anxiety is the first thing that comes to mind as soon as my eyes open.and i try really hard not to analiyse how i am feeling but concentrate on the plans for the day ahead.I understand what you say and i REALLY dont want to be interested anymore but for some reason i keep coming back to the subject.I dont mind the symptoms now and i know how it all works so why am i still so interested? I am hoping as the symptoms lessen i will not be so aware of them and therefore not noticing and the habit of thinking about it would go away.Its the constant awareness of the subject that is keeping me from recovery.I do do normal things and have the capacity to function normally but i feel if i could stop thinking about this my progress would be rapid.Its almost as if the front of ny brain is concentrating on the daily tasks and life but the back of my brain is constantly fixed on the anxiety.I used to dislike being upstairs on my own and got a huge reaction to the thought of going upstairs that memory still remains so every time i go to go upstairs i automatically think are you bothered by going upstairs?Its these little reminders that make me remember the anxiety.I also think because i recently lost my dad i had a problem with existentialist thoughts they have now gone but my brain still checks in to see if I am having which of course leads to having a thoughtfrom which i get no reaction and i do find myself thinking i wish i could be free of this checking in and just have a thought without monitoring it for anxiety reactions.It is almost as if the body is healing but my mind wont let me forget .I just tell myself that this type of thinking will pass with time but i think i am afraid that it wont and i will continue with this train of thought which of course is nonsense .Everytime i have a thought my anxiety is there asking but do you really think that or is it anxiety.I know that the anxiety is not a problem but my mind still seems to be treating it as one as if i need to worry about it or at the least be aware and it is very tiring when i know i dont need to do this any more.I am so bored with this subject.Will it just disappear on its own ?Its not even as if i am bothered by the symptoms its just the knowledge that i have anxiety that keeps reminding me i have it if you know what i mean perhaps if i tell myself i used to have it its gone now and leave it at that could i move on because it is not a subject that can still be related to me as i dont have it any more?I do find myself being jealous of people who are not constantly being aware of themselves or their thoughts and who can just get on with things i dont seem to be able to do that.This is my last hurdle if i can get past this type of thinking i will go on to recover .What is my problem?

  239. Nikki Says:

    By reading my own post my problem is that i feel i am different from everybody else that everyone else is free of worry and anxiety and that is not an acheivable aim .Its that feeling of being different somehow that holds me back When in fact I am not at all different from everyone else we all have these thoughts from time to time.I dont SUFFER from anxiety because it doesnt stop me from doing anything so suffer is not the correct word.I should just accept my thoughts as normal as i believe they are we all have strange trains of thought at times and whatever you think is normal for you and then they will pass I know what i need to do.I cant describe it but i know how to deal with this i will post back in a few days .Thanks candie x

  240. Stephen Says:

    Hi candie,

    just feeling abit off today, usual worry about being stuck like this forever snd stuff :( its just gotten me down. i wrote a post to you and scarlet a few days ago but it sorta got lost above. if you have anytime to respond i would really appreciate it sorry to bother you and scarlet i know you would be busy etc just need some adivce.

    Thank you

    Stephen

  241. lisa Says:

    just letting you no that candie isnt well, shes on bed rest. shes only 3 weeks to go until her baby is due.if any of you are stuck or struggling, read through some of the posts by her or paul again it might help you. :-)

  242. Fiona Says:

    Loving thoughts Candie!!! Take it easy, you must massive now!!! ;-) Not long to go.
    xxxxxxx

  243. louise Says:

    Hey all,hope things are good,im doing really well,still anxious,but big attitude changes,FOR SURE!!Had a nerve wracker of a social encounter (by my standards)lastnight,was a total bag of nerves(i thought)but when it was over i LAUGHED my head off,just me at my best i thought!!Things like this would normally have me in floods of tears thinking i was some kind of weirdo,not anymore,i know,in the circumstances its to be expected,i know its NOT the end of the world and i know MORE importantly that even if i was a bag of nerves,talking jibberish,WHO CARES!!I wont be this way forever but for the time being ill continue to see the funny side of my nerves!!No monster has engulfed me,ive got anxiety and im on my road to recovery!!!!Come what may!!!Im off out tomorrow,god knows what will happen………….Have a good weekend all xxxxxxxxCandie loved your advice to Nikki xx

  244. Scarlet Says:

    Stephen,

    I can understand you feeling this way, as a year is a milestone. For me, when I had suffered for a year, this was a turning point. It was only during the second year that I made the most strides.

    “I have felt down abit laterly but im always thinking bad thoughts about myself, like i’ll never make a good husbane, a bad father, wont be able to enjoy life like all my friends etc. I know its all apart of the process, but is it normal to think ur nothing compared to other ppl, like everyone else is better then you. I dont feel like ive gone backwards in recovery just abit bumpy at the moment. ”

    It’s normal to feel like this, I went through a period myself of believing that I was a bad mother to my kids, even though I wasn’t, I couldn’t convince myself otherwise. When you are anxious the tendency is to imagine that if you think your thoughts through ‘thoroughly’ enough, you will feel better, but this is not the case and a vicious cycle continues. You cannot think your way out of anxiety/depression… this is the ‘opposite’ direction to recovery. So when you get thoughts of this nature, you treat these as any other ‘obsessive/negative’ thought and let it drift away. Don’t feel the need to disect the whys and wherefores of thoughts like this.

    “Scarlet did you also feel like ud be the only one who would never recover? ”

    Yes of course I did and so does everyone else who is/has suffered, this is a regularly occurring thought for those suffering.

    “and do you remember ur stages you went through to recovery? not to expect mine to be the same im just interested and like to hear something positive lol. ”

    Hope you’ve got a cuppa in your hand as it’s a long one, you know me when I get started ;-)

    I think I have mentioned this to you before, I started off with constant thoughts to the point where I couldn’t function and just went to bed and pulled the covers over my face.. I felt like someone was pinning me to the bed with a lead weight, had no motivation for life and was consumed by spiraling thoughts, thinking I was a total lunatic” This was at the beginning, when I didn’t know what was wrong with me.

    Then slowly I started forcing myself to get out of bed and living life with the thoughts, as I then had a baby to look after, but I avoided things that made me anxious, became housebound to a degree and was still consumed with inward thinking and dp most of the day. I walked around as if I was in a dream world, believing I would never be the same person again, but I tried my best to get on with everyday things… but I had to push myself to do them.

    As time went on, I had fleeting moments of ‘normalcy’, where I would feel that I was back to my old self, only to have a thought that dragged me back into the depths of despair again and I found it difficult to crawl back up. These moments of normalcy increased as I was able to get out and about, but I still suffered extreme panic attacks.

    Then I found a forum where I posted my questions, found people in similar situations to myself and I started reading/educating myself on the ins and outs of anxiety. I felt I was no longer alone, and I came across people who had recovered, which spurred me on enormously. This was about a year into my recovery (the turning point I mentioned above).

    I then had more moments of feeling OK, and I started helping others, this turned the focus away from myself and I had more and more periods throughout the day when I started to feel fine, usually this was late evening, after about 9pm when I felt I had no anxiety at all.

    During the second year, I started pushing myself more to go places, to do things that I was afraid of… to face my fears, to live alongside my anxiety.. although I couldn’t always do this and there were times I still got caught into the spiral of obsessive thinking. This was also about the time that I stopped asking for reassurance from other folks, made a conscious decision not to ask anything, I started to look to myself for recovery rather than to others… which helped enormously, built up my self-esteem knowing that recovery was in my hands.

    Then the ‘anxiety-free’ time built up, for me it was evenings first, then after a period I started to feel fine in the morning, but when it got to 12pm my mood dropped again and the obsessive spiraling thoughts started, and continued until 6-7ish when I felt well again. This was about the time that my husband got home from work and I was able to distract my mind with some adult conversation.

    When I was about 18 months recovered, I’d built up my confidence by living alongside my anxiety and I would say that I was about 95% recovered. I still had thoughts, but they didn’t bother me as much, and they went quicker, and I didn’t go so deeply into obsessive thinking, I was able to stop/cut off from my thoughts after a while… although I did still have occasions where I would get that panicky feeling and thought that I would never recover fully….

    I think it was at this point I found Paul and his site and also Wills book about not going into secondary thinking, and something just clicked with me, as I realised this is the mistake I had been making all along. I had never had it explained to me like that before. I still had greyish days where anxiety would bubble to the surface, but nothing I couldn’t control, and it was at this stage that it didn’t bother me anymore how long I would suffer with anxiety, I sort of accepted it as part of me, as something I would continue to live with, but I wouldn’t stop living… a sort of ‘que cera’ feeling.

    My anxiety didn’t disappear straight away after that, I still had more months of feeling grey, of feeling something wasn’t quite right, of feeling strange, but the fuzziness/blurredness that I used to wake up with gradually disappeared in the last few months, to the point I actually felt my mind was peaceful, and my life/visibility was much clearer (the fog disappeared completely), it was then knew then I was recovered fully.

    As Paul says, the layers are removed from you bit by bit. I have not met one person who has recovered overnight and woken up feeling normal without going through a similar process of recovery.

    Anyways sorry this was long winded, hope it helps you. Now get on with your life Stephen and stop worrying, YES it will go for you as well.

  245. Helz Belz Says:

    Scarlet, I would just like to say that your post about the stages in your recovery was wonderful to read. I can see aspects of myself and my recovery in it. Thank you so much for sharing! H -x-

  246. lisa Says:

    lovely post as always scarlet ;-)

  247. Kashawn Says:

    Scarlet,

    Awesome post, truth spoken from the heart. Your post reinforced the importance of seeing recovery from Anxiety as a process. Scarlet, your words are going to cheer up so many people and make their day.

    God Bless
    Kashawn.

  248. sally Says:

    SASHA,

    yes, my family does know how i feel, but like you, they think there is something that is swrong or that i am depressed about, and as you know its not the case. They just can’t understand, but find that when i do try and explain, it makes me even worse because the feeling of disconnect, even from what i am experiencing is shocking when i am badly dp’d. Especially frustrating is when you get comments of, ” oh, just snap out of it, take a walk, or have a chat , go out”, i wish it was that easy, that’s the whole problem, you can’t connect, and thats hard to explain to them. If you would like to email, i will be more than happy to talk with you if you like… my email is salv_77@yahoo.com.au. I am still very dp’d, but i am trying my best to let it be there. Its the only way,

  249. Stephen Says:

    Scarlet,

    ironically i did have a ‘cuppa’ as i was reading that…how weird but appropriate for timing haha.

    Thankyou for taking the time to write that response, i really do appreciate it :) and it has cemented the fact for me that it is ok to feel up and down until the end. Can relate to alot of what u said and how u felt.

    Once again thankyou,

    Stephen

  250. Stephen Says:

    Thanks lisa for letting us know.

    WoW 3 weeks candie!, hope all goes well, you will make a fabulous mother good luck!!!

    Stephen

  251. Nicole Says:

    Just want to give Candie my heartfelt best wishes. I was on bed rest for 2 months with my second. It can be tough, but in the end the time spent in bed is just a blip and the end result of a healthy baby is soooo worth it.
    I can’t believe that you are at the end already. you will be a wonderful Mother. Enjoy the R &R while you can!!!
    Nicole

  252. Nicole Says:

    Scarlet, your post was so calming to read. I think that I am in those remaining months of gray days with ups and downs but I just keep living along side these feelings and try not to give them any respect.
    Everyone is different and come to this place of understanding in their own time. For me, it has taken a long time due to the fact that I was over thinking the entire process of recovery and still do from time to time!
    One thing that I have realized is that you have to assume success in your recovery and in this process. It has helped me immensely just feeling and knowing that this is the right path.
    Off to a party on this warm evening, take care all,
    Nicole

  253. sasha Says:

    Hi scarlet
    hey wonderful post !! it will give a lot of readers in here the spirit and assurance that its possible …the final hurdle to be normal its all in our attittude…
    thanks a lot…

  254. sasha Says:

    Hi everyone

    i have learnt in my experience its all how we percieve things…just go ahead and do what u will do in ur life which u would have done before u got into this!

    its just that the feelings of happiness or excitement may not be there for a while but when we go on doing it we become so used to it we get to learn from our experience that there is nothing to worry or get scared of…so be active…make ur life fully engaged and when u see the results of what u have done let it be trying out new recipes, doing any painting or crafts or hitting the gym to make urself fit, all these can be done even if u rnt feeling good and u may think y am i doing all this if i cannot feel what i am supposed to feel..but if u dont go ahead u will be stuck to where u r instead if u go ahead without giving any attention on how u will feel on different occassions slowly u will catch up atleast u will feel there isnt anything to get worried or stressed out…that will regain our old confidence that we can still do our things like how we used to do…and if u could get the confidence u will feel like adding more things in ur life i guess now im more into doing stuffs than before because before when i m lazy i just keep it aside now even wen my anxious mind put me off at times i just think its my mind playing tricks on me dont get fooled go ahead so i feel im keeping myself more occupied just that i dont get the normal feelings that i should be having on each occasions but i dont care about it much….and i have a feeling that i will b able to come out of the it altogether with a clear and strong mind someday …all these experiences can be piled up to make u a strong person because when u get tru each difficult situation it will defenitely make u strong and not weak..
    Have a good day!!!!

  255. lisa Says:

    just like to mention that i bought the book “stop thinking start living” by richard coulson and it describes how you get caught up in thoughts, even though mine dont bother me anymore. its not a book that cures , its a book to help you understand thoughts to help yourself to recovery. as scarlet pointed out you do need to read it a few times, just like pauls book, to absorb things and then its a case of non-doing just like paul mentioned on here. have a lovely bank holiday all,off for a bbq now yum yum!!! ;-)

  256. Kashawn Says:

    hi everyone

    Just thought id stop by and give some words of encouragement.

    When you learn to live with anxiety and the world it gives you, when you learn to positively look at all the symptoms you are experiencing, and you when you truly learn to not be bothered by anxiety and its umbrella of symptoms, you will recover.

    I went from hating the anxiety symptoms, fighting everything, trying to figure things out to where I am now; simply living on with the world around me despite my symptoms; I have learned not to be bothered by anxiety, I simply look past Anxiety and continue on whatever im doing. Its the living on, the enjoying of life with the best of my ability despite anxiety that is bringing me home to recovery. The more you live on, the more things come together; please be patient recovery is truly a process.

    I hope these words come through to everyone, recovery is on its way Keep living and be positive

    All the best
    Kashawn.

  257. sasha Says:

    Hi kashawn
    Its very true keep going on …just go ahead and do what u will do in ur day today life…u will surely go ahead ..may not feel good when u do it…but that will surely bring u to recovery…i have reached this stage in my recovery.m just going on even when setbacks hit me..just move on until u reach the other end and thats my motto…:)

  258. Johnny P Says:

    Hi to everyone, and to candie and scarlett,
    Its been a while since i posted. I been in high anxiety mode unitl sometime nid this year. i still have the repeatative thoughts and fall back into loops from time to time. Im graduating nursing school on next tues. I guess the real thing that set me back was even before the anxiety hit. I really didnt know who I was. I just did things to do them or because i wanted to impress people. i always wanted people to like me and have best friends that wanted to be with me. In studying all the ilnesses it scared me and anxiety kept the scariness going. I been letting go becuase holding on does nothing for you. I been reading fantasy books, sci fi, thinking about religion and family, i feel like a person again but again fall back sometimes. I havent been online because i was using this too much and getting into a habit everytime ic ame on. I found out i have to make everything ok by someone else. I had only my mom and she moved upstate. I only have her and accept the fact that i may not have anyone else but in the end it matters only who will be by ur side at that moment.
    I get scared sometimes still that i will hurt someone or i will do something on impulse like hurt someone or freak out or throw some water in someone face for no reason but i dont do it. the more i do this the less strenous it gets. i moving on and anxiety is getting boring to me. I am getting past this and i will one day complety be as well as all of you. I thank Paul for this website , and Candie and Scarlett, All the drugs, all the therapy all the doctors and you know what helped the simple advice of just letting go. We hold on even if it is bad. It a security blanket. a blankett that is too warm in the summer. Its the fact we realize we are not always safe but we can get through anything if we just do it!

  259. Nikki Says:

    Hi all !!Great post scarlett!!
    I have just dipped in to say that i have come to feel and understand what candie scarlett and paul mean not mattering is an attitude, its slightly more than that for me now its a feeling of peace from careing about how i feel and not needing to know the answers anymore.I have been the biggest culprit of over analyzing every feeling/thought/act.I was queen of ‘would i have done this before’ i tried to take good advice too literal and lost myself by trying to think too deeply.I was worried about returning to nursing because they will teach me about illness and what if i get one of mt irrational thoughts? what if all my symptoms return because i have gone back there?You know it doesnt matter i will deal with it at the time if or when it does happen just like i have been doing all this time.I know i will get thoughts and feelings from being there because doing that course was so invoved with my anxiety its not possible to go there and feel nothing but so what! i cant wait for this to be gone before i join it could be one two or three years thats too much life to waste waiting to be normal again and really i want it now there is no reason why i cant have it.I have my sense of self confidence back i now feel myself again ( so much so that even while i am writing this im thinking ‘what time is britains got talent on tonight’)and i feel and know i will cope with it,because i already have come through the worst ,i have proved it to myself ,all those irrational thoughts what if i … well i never did i proved it.I have used this website as a sort of anxiety doctor to reassure me that everything i was feeling is normal for anxiety.I wanted to question every thought/feeling/decision was i doing it right i was desperate to be rid of it this horrible thing i couldnt bare to think i was doing it right, was i following advice correctly was i working to prescription?The truth is i should have been able to read between the lines and not read too deeply my mistakes were that paul had said live life as you always have dont avoid i wasnt avoiding anyway so i should have just carried on a normal no not me ‘i really just want to chill out and rest i cant be doing with cooking and cleaning im so tired’ anxiety says but paul says carry on as normal is this me avoiding? god i drove myself into litle bits.I dont do this now.Whatever will be will be i have had a bad time in my life over the past 18 months with far far too much stress all crammed into a short space of time from bereivement to divorce job losses bankruptcy and my own illness God its no wonder my body is tired let alone my mind its been whirling around all that time answering all those problems creating scenarios to try to ease pain and now my mind and my body need time to rest.I am resting now!both physically and mentally im not pushing the superwoman bit anymore im not no-one is i am being kind and giving myself a break no expectations not high achievements just as and when.I will only do as much as i feel abe when my body says sit down! i will now not because i have anxiety but because i need to rest.I was rushing myself to get well because the kids need me the husband needs me mom needs me.Tough! i am being selfish just a little and im going to start saying no because if i continue living how i did before i will be back on this website again and again.I need to put me first not in a selfish way but in the same way i have with my family they all come before me but now my needs are up there alongside theirs i am now a priority too!I wanted this post to be too candie paul scarlett and the many others who have helped me get here it is without a doubt i that this website has become a very good friend to me when no0one else could understand you have all always been very kind with your replies and advice but i truly feel i dont need to post how i feel and ask questions any more basically i dont need to visit anymore as anxiety is not something i feel associated with now i have it but its not me.When i have recovered i will come back and hopefully be able to advise and help others but i feel i cannot help until i am myself recovered so that i can give proper true advice and sympathy .again many thanks x x x x x
    Good luck with the baby candie x x x

  260. louise Says:

    Hey all,Paul the physchologist ive been seeing was really bigging up your book today,i had given it to him a couple of weeks back and he thought it was great,he sees very positive changes in me and my attitude and believes with your advice and some cbt im really getting there!!Of course i know this myself,but it was good to get told,6months ago i walked into his office in tatters!!I cant believe how far ive come,at one stage i couldnt even say the word anxiety without feeling shame,now i have no problem talking about this with family,god i can even laugh about it at times!!The fear has been taken away with my symptoms and its because i know why they all exist,you explained everything so well in your book.I feel everything is really coming together for me now,i can see light at the end of the tunnel the penny has finally dropped!!!!!!Ive a way to go yet but the recovery process is a journey,my head is starting to feel clearer,thoughts are running more smoothly,this makes conversating so much easier,my selfesteem is increasing and i know longer believe im worthless,with or without anxiety!!Im looking forward to the future……..xxxxx

  261. lorryt Says:

    well done louise, it takes time but as you say its a journey. not feeling too great today, feeling a bit low as just come out of hospital, but my attitude has definately changed as i had an incident yesterday witha woman who has a real problem and has run ins with everyone and as it appeared i was her latest target, and i let her say what she had to say said my peice and walked away, i would have reacted to it and panicked about it previously but it still bugs me but in a human way not an anxious way !. just gonna take me a week or so to get back on my feet as my condition is ongoing, but as history tells me i know i can get here just got to be able not to push myself and release it all. my body will sort itself in time, just getting silly thoughts creeping back in again, but probabl;y due top aneasthtic and all the drugs! havr a good day all xxx

  262. Leslie Says:

    Can anyone describe to me what their symptoms are?? I have nothing physical anymore. It’s mostly just irrational thoughts and some feelings of fear/dread/panic. I have this thought that keeps popping up….that I won’t know how to know when I’m totally recovered….crazy right! Just want to know if others are in the same boat….as far as longer having any physical symptoms. And what was the last symptom to go for you?? I just find it so hard to move on with my task when I have thoughts circling through my head all the time. Any thoughts would be so appreciated. Thanks!

  263. Tracey Says:

    Hey Leslie, I’m in the same boat as you …I no longer have physical symptoms either (besides headaches from time to time) The only thing I get is the irrational silly thoughts and sometimes feelings of fear/dread/panic. BUT since putting the advice from others on here to use and Paul’s advice my mind has gotten a little bit more clearer. if you haven’t already you should go back to some old blogs and read what Scarlet and Candie have said about their experience with unwanted thoughts and their advice to others–their words are very helpful.

  264. mac Says:

    hey everyone, i am still sruggling with just letting be, i feel like i have to control myself, i feel like i am thinking about me and only me 24/7 and don';t feel like anyhting real is happening. i have my attention on me and don;t seem how to just go on with my day without htinking when i dont even realize im doing it to myself, i feel like i am aware of myself 24/7, how do u let go without concentrating in the irrationality of my mind constantly thinking, i analyze everything and jsut feel odd all day like i dont have a care in the world????

  265. mac Says:

    also i tend to forget thigns easily but i beliebe it because my focus is on me 24/7 and i dont let anything else into my day???? it couldbe the fear of letting go because im soo used to thinking about something?????

  266. Allie Says:

    I am at work and really shouldn’t even be on here ;) but I am in my office crying because this website is amazing! PAUL THANK YOU. You put it all into words and you have very sound advice and solutions! I have been suffering on and off from depression/OCD/anxiety for 10 years. I am scheduled to go see a therapist for the first time ever in 2 days and I feel better just from reading your website. I am still going to go, but I’m not sure I need to. How silly that after 10 years, your words seem to put it all into perspective. How is it that no one could explain it to me like this before? Anyway, I am going to see this therapist and see what they have to say, and I will mention you. I hope to not have to go back and just buy your book =)
    I’ll let you know!

  267. Carol R Says:

    Hi Everyone,

    I have not been on this wonderful site for a few months now as I have been coping well with my anxiety and have tried to stay away from anything to do with anxiety. I always have Pauls book to hand though, which I call my bible. I have been suffering with anxiety for 18 months now and gradually I am recovering. I still see a CBT therapist and am nearly off my meds. I still have horrible obsessive thoughts which most of the time I deal with and think they just come out of habit. Over the last few months, I really thought I had cracked it then out of the blue last week, I got the thought “why are we all here, what is the point?” Since then, I feel that the anxiety has returned. Not as bad, I might add, but i feel strange , with a bit of dp, nervous stomach etc. I know from Paul’s book that this can happen and I know it always feels worse when it comes on the back of a good spell, but I am so disappointed.
    Just wondered if anyone else has experienced this and how do I deal with the disappointment of thinking I had cracked it.?
    Any advice would be gratefully received.thanks. take care everyone.

    Carol R
    x

  268. miranda Says:

    having a weird day the day. i decided to go out last night and have a drink, i no i was takin a risk with my anxiety cause the next day i always feel on edge and anxious. well as suspected i felt really weird this morning not with and my mind was racing but its weird cause a lot off my anxiety symptoms have calmed down since i started takin my medication 3 weeks ago(sertraline and indarel) .im on 100 mg of inderal but today i up my tablets ive been saying to my husband all week its like im about there but something is holding me back . its weird cause one min am fine then the next i all weird again it keeps comin and going and a think this isit and its back again its like one minute am on a high a the next min im on a low if that makes sence. when a was doing my irnoning my head was going round and round and i couldnt wait until a was finished as i wanted to say how i was feeling on this blog but now am different again and it feels like it was happening to someone else if tht makes sence.xx

  269. miranda Says:

    good post scarlet:)
    xx

  270. Paul David Says:

    Louise sorry for the late reply, that’s really good that he liked the book and it has been helpful to you, as you also know its great to have someone to talk with to. You also now have a great attitude to how you are feeling and that’s is what it is about, changing your attitude to how you feel. Scarlet is right and that none of us recovered overnight and my recovery came in layers similar to Scarlets, I will use it as a post myself soon to encourage people as others hearing Scarlets story and knowing she did not get one piece of advice and it was all gone, is far easier to relate to.

  271. mac Says:

    hello everyone, i know not many people answer this section anymore but i need alittle help, right now im stuck in a big rut and its been a three year journey of looking at myself 24/7. it seems as though i cant even begin because the thought of myself is soo overpowering that i can even begin to let everything be and just not care anymore about my condition, i forget what it is like to just live because it has been soo long since i felt normal, i forget what it feels like to walk around with real, conscious thoughts, how do u move on with the constant edgey feeling and being overwhelemed by this mess???? thank you and hope someone can help.

  272. selma Says:

    mac, feel the same way. although i do catch myself at times thinking, wow- i just went shopping and only thought about the shopping- i wasn’t in my head at all. so you probably slip in and out without knowing it. i wish i knew how to be “out” of my head all the time and just live freely. i think i am trying to hard or something. anyway, don’t really have any answers but i think all of us feel this way to some degree. it can be so tiring.

  273. Simon Says:

    Paul,

    You say it’s best to not analyze your symptoms and to live your life, but if its a habit to have attention on yourself all day, how is it possible to not analyze your symptoms? I’m a bit confused. A factor in recovering is to get the focus off yourself but if its a habit to continue to go over your symptoms, how can you succeed? Thanks.

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