Your anxiety questions answered

Hi everyone as promised I said I would do a question and answer section. hopefully it will help everyone and not just those who asked the intial question. Excuse the text in the post where there are no spaces where there should be, it happened when I copied and pasted it in and I have had little success fixing it.

1. In regards to your next post ideas, here’s something I would have wanted to know about you during recovery: When you say, “whatever” to a thought or feeling, do you feel confident when you say it each time or is it a matter of just saying it even if you feel like you’re treading water to stay afloat at that moment?

This was one question I wanted to answer as I got stuck the same way and I did actually do a post on this a while back on this. I think certain people get hung up with accepting how they are, this should be a whatever attitude and NOT a need to keep reminding yourself to accept how you feel, as you once again start battling with yourself and again it becomes a ‘Do’. I think someone mentioned they had to keep reminding themselves to accept how they were. There is no need to do this and as some people may know it loses its force in time. Accepting is all about not doing ‘Not fighting, not worrying, not filling yourself with self pity. Giving your body a break, its never a ‘Do’, so please don’t feel the need to walk around telling yourself daily you must accept this. I put it more as laying all your tools down and accepting this is you for the time being, its more of an ‘attitude’ that just becomes second nature. Its not about putting pressure on yourself to make a word make you feel better and then getting frustrated that it has not, you are putting your faith in a word, again its just an attitude born through practice of not caring. There is a world of difference between feeling awful and just carrying on with your day, than saying ‘whatever’ and then getting frustrated that you still feel awful, do you see the difference. Its like having flu, we know we can do nothing about it, so we just get on with our day even though we feel awful, we don’t battle to feel right, worry and obsess about it, because we understand it, it’s the same with anxiety.

2. Did you keep getting tripped up with fighting? Was it really gradual that you starting getting better at accepting or did you “give up fighting” fairly quickly and then have to keep working at recovery from there? This was something I got stuck in because I knew no better than to fight in my early days, I fought this condition to the point where it consumed me, I thought of nothing else but getting better, which in turn made me worse. I gradually got better and stopping fighting, which was not only my instinct, but my habit and at times it was not easy, but like every habit it does change. Habits are just as they say ‘habit’ and any habit will become your new one. And as I learnt about anxiety I knew that it was a waste of time fighting anymore, this was just having the opposite effect. A lot of conclusions I came to were that if something was making me feel worse, then why not try the opposite, fighting how I felt daily made me feel worse, so what if I tried the opposite and just let ‘come what may’ and it worked. I felt just a little bit better that first day, it was like a weight taken off my shoulders, today I did not for once have to ‘try’ to get better. Just that slight improvement made me understand this was the way to go. If you find yourself fighting, then forgive yourself and move on. Recovery is never plain sailing. but there is no need to make it complicated. I don’t want people to go around thinking ‘Am I doing things right’ as there really is nothing to do, its just about living along side how you feel, if you truly do this then you are not fighting. Lets say I woke up tomorrow racked with anxiety again, I would feel awful there is no doubt, but I would not let it concern me too much. I would just get up and drag myself through the day; there is nothing I could do to make it go away so I would not try to. I would just get on the best I could, you see there would be no fighting of the condition and I have not done anything spectacular there at all.

3. I have been doing great, but I stumble when confronted with the reality that people do suffer from bouts of major depression and with these thoughts come rushes of fear and then I get caught up in a swirl of anxiety and low mood. How would you move toward these feelings appropriately in order to face them head on?

Again this was asked in a different way before. This is the cycle of anxiety, an initial thought ‘maybe I will suffer with depression’ this thought on a sensitised body will set off the anxiety, which is just adrenalin on sensitised nerves, this brings feelings of fear and you may feel down that you feel awful again. Firstly understanding that this is the cycle can help, just understanding why you get such an exaggerated response to a thought can be a comfort. If I understand your question, then the initial thought of developing depression is the answer, to desensitise to a thought you need to allow yourself to let the depression come if it wants, give in to the initial thought and say ‘If I become depressed, then so be it’. This thought then won’t have the same effect, as you have allowed yourself to feel this way, there is no recoil from the thought, which is why you feel the reaction to it. Never recoil from any thought.

Someone asked ‘Did you ever worry the anxiety may come back?’. Can you imagine if I had this thought daily, the worry, the stress, the watching. I understood enough about anxiety to not have these fears anyway ,but if that intial thought would have come, I would have just paid it no mind, if my anxiety wants to come back, then let it, there is nothing I can do anyway, would have been my attitude. Again anxiety is a condition, not an illness. As I said your attitude should be ‘If it wants to come back, let it’ just give in to the thought / fear. You have allowed it to come back if it wishes, but do you see with this statement the fear and worry has now gone, the thought has nothing to feed on. You can ask any ex-sufferer and they will all tell you they could never suffer again. People who recover understand what got them their in the first place and what got them home, they are far less vulnerable than someone who has never suffered before.

4. Hey Paul, new post sounds like its going to be really interesting. Something I was meaning to ask you was if you ever worried about if your anxiety was other illnesses instead. I have more or less got past this myself(after a lot of worrying) but I know there is a lot of people that still find it hard to move past these what ifs and thought it would be good for them to know about your experiences with these thoughts.

Yes I did, I thought I had something else. To be honest it was years before I even realised I had anxiety. No doctor ever mentioned that word. I just thought I was going crazy. I actually thought, I have no idea why I feel this way, but it will go, I don’t know when, but everything goes in the end. Well it did not and that was the time that I expected to be carted off somewhere, I was getting worse not better. When the D.P hit that was the worst time, I thought I was going crazy and would end up somewhere, with so little information it was a very scary time and the anxious body does not take a lot to scare it. When I did finally get some answers or at least have a name for my condition I did put my faith in that this is what I had and nothing else. Although I felt crazy, awful, anxious, spaced out I could always do my job, I could figure things out as before, so it was like ‘I am under there somewhere’. Also don’t forget the anxious body does make us think the worst, but it’s still up to us what we believe to be true. And I knew deep down that it was anxiety and that I had developed D.P, the only thing I wanted to do now was understand these conditions and once I read up on both, they described me exactly, I trusted that this was what I had and I just wanted to learn more about each one, so I could one day set myself free. 5. “What does it feel like to be fully recovered” and “How do you know”?

This question I have been asked more times than any other. The feeling of full recovery is really special, but something I truly never aimed for. I just wanted to feel better and I think that helped me. I was not desperate to recover; just feeling better was great, it kept opening new doors. But feeling better was up and down, it would go like this……feeling better, then having bad days, feeling great, feeling awful, feeling really good, feeling awful. It was up and down until the good days were really good and the bad days were not too bad. I may have had a really bad couple of days or so, but I had been there many times before, so I did not let them bother me. I had so much faith that I would soon be back to feeling great again. Full recovery was strange as I thought I had just about recovered before. But I do remember the day when I could just chat freely without reverting back to me, without feeling as though I had to place each word in a sentence. I said to my mother ‘I just know this is it, full recovery’ she asked how and I said well you know when people say they think they maybe in love, but they are not sure, but others say if your in love ‘You just know’ that was what it was like. Before I thought I had recovered as I had so many good days, but now I knew, it went to another level, total freedom. I never thought about anxiety unless I worked with it anymore and then it was just like any other subject, it no longer bothered me. My mind was so clear and my nerves had healed, they were no longer sensitised and did not feel rushes of fear for very little reason. I was not racked with feelings of anxiousness and not constantly irritable. My mind was no longer tired through fear and worry, the deep thinking about my condition, no longer tired it further, it had regained its flexibility and felt so clear. It was like the whole subject was behind me. One thing though was it felt odd to feel free again, just like being let out of prison and it took a while to readjust to feeling normal, anxiety had been part of my life for so long it was only natural.

6. Paul – did you ever in a set-back start to tire of this whole process? If that makes any sense. I just feel fed up and weary at the moment with all of this anxiety business and I have moments when I feel like I am sliding quickly back to the very beginning three years ago.

Setbacks are the hardest things to make people believe in as they are always so impressed by how they feel at any certain time. I remember a couple of weeks back, 2 people saying on the blog ‘It’s back, I don’t know what I have done wrong, why do I feel like this again’. This came even though I tell people time and time again it will be up and down. Mine recovery was very up and down and I sometimes nearly gave in and thought, I need the quick fix, I can’t be bothered with this up and down affair anymore, but thankfully I held firm. What people need to do is go through setbacks enough times to understand it is part of the process and although not nice, a setback only has the power you give it. If you start questioning everything again and worrying that this dreadful thing is back, feel sorry for yourself, then you have given the setback all the fuel it needs to continue. Just have faith that they always pass, you don’t have to like how you feel, but just remember tomorrow could be the best day yet. One thing I promise you is that even on your hardest days, your progress is there in the background. I always seemed to come out of a setback far better than I went into one, you never lose what you have learnt and the progress you have made is never lost. 7. Paul – I Was doing so well these days and out of the blue I got this setback. When I do brain retraining, I feel the term I use to accept don’t have any weight, they feel meaningless when I say them to myself. For example, when I say to myself,” It’s only a bad habit”. Then automatically my mind will start questioning, what’s a habit, are you sure it’s a bad habit.” I don’t know what to do. I have tried with new sayings, the same happens. It’s so confusing, please advise.

Again you don’t have to have sayings, as you can put too much faith in them to make you feel better and as you say they can lose their effect. When you say ‘Its only a bad habit’ and then the other questions come, this again is adrenalin needing an outlet. You need to let the extra thoughts come if they wish, but let them burn themselves out. As you say, you let them frustrate you, as you became active in them, if you had not, they would not have bothered you. But more than anything I would drop the sayings, ‘just let come what may’. If your mind questions a question, then let it, but don’t get involved or let it frustrate you. Also don’t search around for a phrase to make you feel better, ‘That did not work, what about this saying’ ‘That did not work, Ill try this’ You see you are back in fight mode, you are not accepting, you are searching for something to make you feel better and having a mental battle with yourself to do so.

8. You mention a lot about not going in search of that magic tablet or secret cure etc and just letting recovery come to you. You also however recommend a few things such as exercise, avoiding alcohol, massage etc to help with recovery. How do you draw the line between the two and when do these things stop being just aids in our recovery and represent us searching for a quick fix ? I’ve thought a few times about trying meditation or something to help me relax, but then wonder if it might be a step to far and means that I am not accepting the way I feel.

This is a very good question and as I told people before I initially took up running because it helped with my anxiety. But the mistake I made was my whole run was taken up with ‘I will feel great when I get back’ ‘This will really help my anxiety’ my whole run was built around ‘ridding myself of anxiety’ which was the wrong attitude, if I came home not feeling great I would question why and try and run further, I needed to feel great, but as I say I had fallen into the trap of doing something to ‘rid’ myself of anxiety. So although I knew it helped me I just started to run for me, if it helped with anxiety then so be it, if it did not then that was fine, it was not going to be the reason I ran. So it does not matter what you do as long as you do it for your natural well being and don’t put yourself under pressure to feel good afterwards. Looking after myself really helped me and gave a new focus, but the day it helped me, is the day I did it for me.

I hope that helps people.For more help with anxiety visit www.anxietynomore.co.uk

293 Responses to “Your anxiety questions answered”

  1. Candie Says:

    Brilliant post Paul, have you thought about adding some of that advice into your book? Thanks for taking the time to answer my question, i know a lot of people still have these ‘what ifs’ and i have occasionally in set backs so its good to see you where just like us, and that you where not perfect at accepting everything- it will help others to see you had your own struggles in recovery too. :)

    I 100% agree with what you say about mental sayings, in the begining i used to say them to try neutralise how i felt- but its the wrong thing to do, it becomes a ritual and like all anxiety rituals we eventually get frustrated with them. I have found having a ‘mental word’ with myself now and again if i catch myself questioning or fighting helps- i now say these as they help me see its fine to feel as i do, not to try make sense of it all and figure it out. By no means do i have anything that i contiously repeat to myself obsessively to help, just now and again i will remind myself the concept of it been ok to have anxiety and leave it be.

  2. Paul David Says:

    Glad some of them where helpful Candie and hopefully put a few people’s minds at rest. I can honestly say hand on heart that nearly everything people mention on here, I went through also, this is why I can usually give an answer to people’s concerns.

    The book is having loads of updates and the blog does give me many new ideas, it makes it clearer to what people struggle with.

    Totally agree with the sayings part and it was something I just droped in favour of an attitude. And totally agree that its o.k to have a mental word with yourself ‘I am fighting again, I will stop’ there is nothing wrong with that, I had to remind myself sometimes of certain things and then I just moved on.

    I have had real trouble with the post, as it was copied and pasted and the text has a mind of its own when you do this for some reason with a blog. I have done the best I can, but can see some questions are not seperated from the post above it. (Question 5 & 7)

    I will keep working to try and fix it, but as soon as I go to alter it all the text has jumped back together, so apologise for that, but I will keep trying.

    Paul

  3. Kashawn Says:

    Awesome Paul thank you

  4. Sam Says:

    awesome post Paul

  5. Sam Says:

    Hey Scarlet,Candie or Paul,

    I have a question:

    The thing the is very hard at the moment is that my stomach cramps are very hard to accept and handle…i started to read IBS and got thinking that i might have that…but i strongly believe that its anxiety…for me this is the hardest hurdle….Scarlet or Candie while u were going through anxiety was the stomach pains hard to handle..+ The doctor did blood work and i think he would of found out if i had IBS unless he was not looking for it???

    Thanks
    Sam

  6. Kamini Says:

    Hi Paul.. Thank You very much for replying to my concern. I have understand now, it’s my attitude that count, not repeating of sayings. As repeating of sayings can tire my mind. Moreover, looking for sayings to work can even lead us to fight.

    Now i am developing a positive attitude, but sometimes i do need to remind myself. But the searching around in my mind has stopped. Thanks Again.

    Kamini

  7. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Sam,

    “I have a question:

    The thing the is very hard at the moment is that my stomach cramps are very hard to accept and handle…i started to read IBS and got thinking that i might have that…but i strongly believe that its anxiety…for me this is the hardest hurdle….Scarlet or Candie while u were going through anxiety was the stomach pains hard to handle..+ The doctor did blood work and i think he would of found out if i had IBS unless he was not looking for it???”

    IBS symptoms can be caused by anxiety/stress Sam, I had it terribly for many months.. had a yucky stomach and didn’t eat properly, was always on the loo, but it goes as you get well and when you stop thinking about it and paying it too much attention. It’s very common.. Don’t read anymore into this, if your doc says alls well, then it is. When you relax more, so will your stomach.

  8. James Says:

    Hello, sorry about the above message, an error on my part. I have not posted on here for a while now. In fact since then i have got married and been on my honeymoon. However, my anxiety seems to have gotten very bad and the symptoms quite disturbing.
    I was doing very well in recovery until i read an article in a newspaper about cannabis causin permanent mental illness. I have not used cannabis for 6 years but did do in my teens. Since i read the article i have been unable to control my anxiety and have convinced myself i have done irreversible damage. What is more, i have become depressed so my doctor started me on Prozac which i was reluctant to do but felt i had no choice due to the severity of symptoms.
    Since then i a sleeping all the time, overeating, have become totally detached from reality to the point where i keep forgetting i have got married. I wake in the night feeling very weak and disorientated and the thought about the drugs will not leave me. I also feel very fragile as well as mentally and emotionally dead. My thought processes are so jumbled up and i keep having flashbacks from my past. It has all gotten extremely weird.
    My question is this, and i ask for honest feedback which is the reason i have come back to the blog, i have always got that from here, does this still sound like anxiety or do i sound like someone with serious, deteriorating mental health issues.

    Thank you

  9. LORRYT Says:

    HI ALL

    James, I am no expert but after suffering for so long, i can sympathise with you, i was on meds for a long itme and i realise now they did me no good at all. I put on loads of weight, was completely all over the show emotionally, and as for thinking, what was that ??…..Its your mind picking up on the drugs thing and completely throwing it out of all proportion. It,s the anxiety it can be really hard at times. i’m not that good at advice, but to me it sounds like you are having a bit of a blip, your anxiety has totally made you beleive that you are going mad, when in reality if you are aware youare going mad then you probably arent !.its not a conscious thing.
    Doctors know nothing better than drugs, so if you mention the word depressed they throw pills at you. I am now off mine and realise they did me no good, initially they took teh edge of the really bad times of no eating and no sleeping etc, but the only way to come through is to go with it. i havent found it easy at all, but i can look back at the really tough times and think now im just having a grey day rather than completely black.
    The guys on here have helped me immensely and im sure they will you. it will always be honest and objective.
    Hope everyone is ok and having a great start to the new year.

  10. Scarlet Says:

    James it most definitely sounds like anxiety to me, 1000%. Will reply more to your post later…

    Scarlet

  11. Scarlet Says:

    Hi James,

    Got a few moments now that my baby is in bed for his nap,.

    “my anxiety seems to have gotten very bad and the symptoms quite disturbing.I was doing very well in recovery until i read an article in a newspaper about cannabis causin permanent mental illness. I have not used cannabis for 6 years but did do in my teens. Since i read the article i have been unable to control my anxiety and have convinced myself i have done irreversible damage. ”

    Sounds to me like you are having a setback due to the article you have read, which has gotten you into a negative thought loop again. The cannabis use was 6 years ago, and you have not done irreversible damage… it’s just your anxiety making you think you have.

    “What is more, i have become depressed so my doctor started me on Prozac which i was reluctant to do but felt i had no choice due to the severity of symptoms. Since then i a sleeping all the time, overeating, have become totally detached from reality to the point where i keep forgetting i have got married. I wake in the night feeling very weak and disorientated and the thought about the drugs will not leave me. I also feel very fragile as well as mentally and emotionally dead. My thought processes are so jumbled up and i keep having flashbacks from my past. It has all gotten extremely weird.

    No wonder you have become depressed James, what with all the negative thinking about what happened 6 years ago. I can tell you I had a really bad setback as you describe here about 10 months after my initial breakdown… I was doing very well and my husband had to go on a business trip and left me and my two children (one a baby and very demanding) alone for two weeks, and I lived abroad and had no-one. I was terrified of being alone and ended up walking around with severe DP for a long time thinking I was crazy, and it took me a long while to recover from this setback, but I did and likewise you will too. I had ALL the symptoms you describe above, became very afraid, and felt disorientated and detached from reality… very weird time I recall. But now that I am recovered I can look back and see exactly what led up to this episode and why I had all the symptoms that I had, and I no longer fear that I will ever be in that position again.

    “My question is this, and i ask for honest feedback which is the reason i have come back to the blog, i have always got that from here, does this still sound like anxiety or do i sound like someone with serious, deteriorating mental health issues.

    As I said above, it’s a setback and most definitely anxiety. Get on with ‘normal’ daily activities and when you get thoughts of this nature, let them be in the background, but do try ‘not ‘to analyse them, it’s futile…it does takes practice James to be able to dismiss these negative thoughts as rubbish, but you can do it.. and yes you will recover from this setback and get back on track again, it’s a learning curve.

  12. April Says:

    HI everyone, those Q&A really help me alot, but I do have a question about what I am experiencing. I have had Dp since July 08, and up until Thanksgiving it was just about me not feeling real. During Thanksgiving weekend I had a really bad thought which was where did God come from and that led to where did we come from and that led to how is this(meaning the world/life) all possible. Ever since then the world seems unreal to me now, I have a hard to looking outside because I feel like we are all just in a snow globe. It’s all that I can think about and is very distressing. I think about it so much that the dp that I had, where I felt a real loss of self, has dissapated quite abit, I’m thinking it’s because my focus has now shifted to this new fear. I feel like I will view the world like this for the rest of my life and it really scares me. It is such a real feeling. I hope I didn’t frighten anyone, I just don’t know where else to turn. Up until this new thought I was doing real good with the acceptance, to the point where I was seeing some good results. I have 5 kids and I need to get over this, I am willing to be patient. I guess my question is, can anxiety cause this type of thinking and feeling? Am I just so pulled into it that it feels that real?
    Thank you so much for any advice,
    April

  13. LORRYT Says:

    always great advice Scarlet. I am so naff at explaining stuff. have tried to stay away again for a bit as i need to get on with life, but my thoughts are coming in, im listening to them but not paying any attention, sort of trying to let them come in , but pass through of you get me, my reoccuring one is – what is the point ultimately!, how mad is that , i know its not, but its coming from my anxiety. I am trying to book a holiday for all of us, and really looking forward to it, but i guess im just having a blip too!.
    its a big learning curve isnt it, but we will all achieve it in time.
    lorryt

  14. April Says:

    Sorry, I also meant to ask if this is part of DP also. When i had that thought it gave me a panic attack at the time and ever since then my view on the world is as I said above.
    Thanks, April

  15. Michelle Says:

    Paul, your post was awesome. And I just got your book yesterday and have read through quite a bit of it. You really are an angel on earth.

    My I think “last” question.. that I still struggle with, I feel fine now. I don’t feel like I have any anxiety, but my mind always.. all day, no matter what I’m doing or who I’m with, will snap back to the “memory” of my anxiety. I try to think to myself, “you’re not worth analyzing,” and I can usually quickly start busying my mind again, but it bothers me that I still constantly think of the anxiety. Like if I could just forget I ever had it, I’d be perfectly fine. (I guess that could describe most of us, eh?). I just don’t know how to stop thinking about it. I know it’s a habit, but how do I break it? I feel like every time it pops in my mind, I’m reinforcing the habit of thinking about it, but I can’t control how often it pops up. Does that make sense? It’s been going on over a year, even though most of the time, in every other way, I feel fine.

    I do think I am doing very well of letting it live in the bakground, but I’m conscious it’s there– and it’s annoying. Just hoping you have some tips to help me break the habit of snapping it back to my attention.

  16. Helz Belz Says:

    Great post Paul, especially about the setbacks and dealing with thinking patterns. thank you! -x-

  17. Scarlet Says:

    Hi April,

    ” I feel like I will view the world like this for the rest of my life and it really scares me”

    You won’t I promise you. When I was suffering I had a fear once that I would fall off the world, today I realise what a bunch of nonsense it was. You have a tired mind hun, from all the analysing that’s all, no wonder you are walking around with DP, your brain is craving a rest from the constant thinking… and like someone said on here (think it was you Lorry, not sure), that DP is natures sedative. And most certainly anxiety can cause this type of thinking. Try and keep yourself pre-occoupied with your kids (5 wow!!!!), do things with them and live alongside the thoughts and don’t give them any weight at all (ie. let the thoughts flow in, but don’t feel necessary to analyse them any more than acknowledging the thought itself), I found saying to myself ‘as if’ or ‘whatever’ worked for me, but a shrug or a nod can work as well.

    _________

    Hi Lorry,

    ” have tried to stay away again for a bit as i need to get on with life, but my thoughts are coming in, im listening to them but not paying any attention, sort of trying to let them come in , but pass through of you get me, my reoccuring one is – what is the point ultimately!, how mad is that , i know its not, but its coming from my anxiety. I am trying to book a holiday for all of us, and really looking forward to it, but i guess im just having a blip too!.
    its a big learning curve isnt it, but we will all achieve it in time.”

    You will achieve it hun, and do book that holiday no matter how you feel, it’ll do you good.

    _________

    Hi Michelle

    “all day, no matter what I’m doing or who I’m with, will snap back to the “memory” of my anxiety. I try to think to myself, “you’re not worth analyzing,” and I can usually quickly start busying my mind again, but it bothers me that I still constantly think of the anxiety. Like if I could just forget I ever had it, I’d be perfectly fine. (I guess that could describe most of us, eh?). I just don’t know how to stop thinking about it. I know it’s a habit, but how do I break it? I feel like every time it pops in my mind, I’m reinforcing the habit of thinking about it, but I can’t control how often it pops up. Does that make sense? It’s been going on over a year, even though most of the time, in every other way, I feel fine.”

    I know this was addressed to Paul, but thought I would respond. I know exactly what you mean and it is a habit Michelle, getting on with ‘normal’ living will eventually make it go away, but it’s a very gradual change, and you have to live alongside the ‘old’ you (the one with anxiety/thoughts), whilst you are carrying on daily living, for what can seem like an eternity, but eventually the new habit overtakes the old one, mark my words this is the way it works… I suffered almost 2 years myself, it took me that long to accept my anxiety and learn to not give any weight to the thoughts, but to carry on living alongside them. You need to adopt a ‘what if’ attitude, so what if the anxiety keeps popping up, then let it, I’m not bothered.. Welcome it!! Your approach to it has to change and you must not worry about it popping up as it does, let it run it’s course and it will go eventually.

  18. Scarlet Says:

    ……….and Michelle, just wanted to also say, regarding reinforcing the habit of thinking about anxiety (I was the same, even nearing the end of recovery, it’s normal).. it’s your reaction to it thats keeping it coming, you need to learn to act blase when it comes in your mind, don’t attach any emotion to it, nor feel the need to analyse why it keeps popping in your mind and it will go.

  19. April Says:

    Thank you so much Scarlet, I am going to accept from now on as I have learned that trying to figure it out just keeps me in circles.

    April

  20. lisa Says:

    hi scarlet ,i found your reply to michelle brill. i get stuck on that to about thinking of the anxiety its a bit like toothache, the last bit for me now. the rest of you who are struggling,please follow pauls methods and put them into practise it can only work if you do the work. i dont often post for advise now because i no longer need to .you can ask questions and ask for reassurance all day long but it does no good,accept your thoughts,your feelings, and get on with your day,like paul says and scarlet has, let recovery come to you. :-)

  21. Paul David Says:

    Thanks for all the comments on the post, glad a lot found it helpful. I want to just add a few words as soon as I have time, probably be tomorrow at some point, if not Thursday morning as just one or two things I would like to address.

    Paul

  22. April Says:

    I have one more question Scarlet or Paul, did you do deep breathing, relaxation, or meditation while recovering? I have been talking with a counselor that also fully believes in dealing with the underlying issues, what do you think? Thanks so much,

    April

  23. JR Says:

    Paul your words has helped me out in so many ways as I’m slowly recovering. It’s helps to learn the stages of your own recovery…and I like how you put “feeling as though I had to place each word into a sentence”. That is such a great way to describe these DP feelings.

    Hope everyone is moving along in recovery. This is a little off topic but do they show the tv show man vs. wild with Bear Grylls in europe? It’s my new favorite show in the US.

  24. lisa Says:

    hi jr,iv not heard of your show in the uk.everytime i see your name i think of jr in dallas that used to be a tv programme in the uk about 15 years ago..lol. showing my age now arent i!!!

  25. Michelle Says:

    Thanks for your reply, Scarlet. It does bug me when I’m feeling good and “normal,” and then I rememeber my ordeal. I try to busy myself, but it feels as if it’s in the background, simmering all the time. Just wanting get some tips on how to break the cycle of “checking” my feelings.

    I find that when I ignore the thoughts, they come out in my dreams. Is that normal? Can’t that deter healing, because I’m still analyzing, just in my dreams, which I remember vividly and find disturbing? I know bad thoughts appear, and to expect it and to roll my eyes when they do pop up, but how do I deal with them when they pop up in my dreams? Most of the time I can busy my mind when I wake up and not think about them too much, but will my reaction while I’m asleep keep me in this cycle?

  26. Sam Says:

    Hey everybody,

    just wishing everyone a great recovery, like myself , we will one day get to our old selfs…

    PS: Paul i got your email about he delay in your book….how long do u think that from UK to canada should take ..just wondering no presure..
    Take care
    Sam

  27. Paul David Says:

    April, Michelle I have the answer to your above questions, as I say I will answer tomorrow hopefully, as I have said before please don’t be offended if I don’t get round to certain questions, its just I get so busy and the blog has got so busy recently, but I do think answering your questions will help so many others.

    J.R I agree totally that it helps hearing my own stages of recovery, people think I had it easy, trust me I did not, I was imprisioned and controlled by how I felt for so long, it was a process. The reason I post here is because I know why people get stuck or need a concern answering, most of my post are due to me thinking this needs answering, its coming up so often.

    Regards Paul

  28. JR Says:

    lisa…i’m the same JR from the show. Just teasing! The irony is that I actually live in Dallas! I don’t know how it is in the UK, but whenever they show Texas and Dallas on tv in the US they show cowboys or a man on a horse or something western. My wife actually had someone ask her one time if we still use horses for transportation in Texas. I laughed for awhile at that one. Now Texas is actually one of the most urban states in the US.

  29. Scarlet Says:

    Lisa,

    I remember JR Ewing as well. Thought you were 21 like Candie. Moi I’m forever 21 😉

    x

    April,

    “I have one more question Scarlet or Paul, did you do deep breathing, relaxation, or meditation while recovering? I have been talking with a counselor that also fully believes in dealing with the underlying issues, what do you think? Thanks so much, ”

    I did yoga a wee bit, and tried meditation, visualisation and tapping, but couldn’t get the hang of any of it. To be honest my way of relaxing is a hot bath and a good movie. As for underlying issues, some therapists look into your past and see what could have caused the anxiety, which is good for peace of mind for some folks, but sometimes can bring up more things to worry about. Have you heard of CBT, it’s a therapy which tries to alter your thinking about situations rather than look into your past for answers…

    For me personally, my past didn’t give me anxiety and dredging up the odd skeleton would not have helped. I just needed to alter my current behaviour/way of thinking a wee bit for the anxiety/depression to go…. this is why Pauls method works, it looks at current behaviour/thinking patterns rather than trying to analyse what got you there in the first place. Once you are recovered and have no fear of anxiety/depression, you will have your answers as to why you became anxious.

    oooo hope I made sense here, must have another cup of coffee to wake me up. 😉

  30. lisa Says:

    scarlet i am 21ish..lol.., :-) jr, i cant believe someone asked your wife that question, how is sue ellen?..lol .. :-) god i used to love that tv programme haha.

  31. Candie Says:

    Lol i am 22 now Scarlet, nocking on as they say in Hull! Lisa, i think you will be 21 in your mind forever lol. Even though im 22 i still dont feel older then when i was 17- wiser but i still have a youthful personality! As they say, your only as old as you feel!

    JR… i am guilty of thinking people still live in ranches and ride horses in Texas! In my deffence though- my dads friend packed up and moved there to marry a woman who he met on the internet- the part he lives in is still rural!

    Michelle- you can not control your subcontious thoughts in your dreams, i have had plenty of odd dreams too- as the anxiety subsides the thoughts over lapping into your dreams will stop too. Dreaming odd thoughts wont stop your recovery, it hasn’t hindered mine at all- infact lots of people have weird dreams anyway, but i understand where your coming from. Honestly, i wouldnt give the dreams any attention, as they will be dealt with subcontiously when your anxiety lifts. Mine used to wake me up startled and full of panic, now i dont as the anxiety subsides so does everything else. Dont make the mistake of thinking you have lots of seperate problems to deal with- accept the anxiety, and the symptoms will fix themselfs. :)

    April- if you can make something work for you that helps you unwind, then go for it… just dont use the method to rid yourself of how you feel- see it as supplementing your wellbeing and any benefits are a bonus. As for dragging up the past, im with scarlet on this one- many councellers think there is a deep routed cause to our anxiety, if you feel there is an event or experience in your past that contributes to your anxiety then maybe talking would do some good. However, if like me- you had an average, normal childhood- and the anxiety came from stress which made you form bad habits then there is no need to drag the past up as it will confuse you into thinking you have bigger mountains to climb then you do.

    There is nothing wrong with someone suffering anxiety other then an over reaction to how you think or feel after a prolonged period of worrying over it. Thats why accepting your anxiety is the way to recovery.

    Have a good week everyone

  32. April Says:

    Thanks so much Candie and Scarlet. I didn’t have anything happen to me when I was younger other than parents got divorced when I was 16. I have always had anxiety though growing up. For many years when I was young I thought that I had cancer because I had these little red dots all over my legs. My mom also suffered from anxiety and dp when she was my age, although I didn’t know it at the time.
    I have been doing the accepting and just going about my day. I know it won’t be easy, but I am going to stick with it. I figure I have 2 choices, either live with the bad thoughts/feelings and have anxiety on top of it or let the thoughts/feelings just be there and not have anxiety to make them worse.
    I choose the second one even though sometimes my brain wants me to take the first.

  33. Paul David Says:

    April I know Scarlet/Candie has given you some advice to your question and I was going to say something similar on therapists dragging the past up. If something feels right then go with it, but I had no interest in the need to put labels to why, the only thing I was interested was getting better and educating myself, as Scarlet says it may bring peace of mind, but how they expect that finding a root cause will help people recover, I am not sure.

    I used to talk with a lady straight out of medical school who had no idea about anxiety, she started asking about my younger days, going through the motions of what she had read in a book and by the second session it just felt a load of rubbish, she was clueless and I was not going to waste another hour with her, as I say if it does not feel right then move on if possible to someone else, there is nothing worse than having advice that you just can’t relate to.

    One of the best people I saw was a lady who just listened, I could just offload how I felt, her subject was general mental health but she asked me to go with whatever I wanted and I said just an offload helped me so much as I had so few people I could talk to about it.

    Michelle… You say

    Thanks for your reply, Scarlet. It does bug me when I’m feeling good and “normal,” and then I rememeber my ordeal. I try to busy myself, but it feels as if it’s in the background, simmering all the time. Just wanting get some tips on how to break the cycle of “checking” my feelings.

    It is habit and memory working together that brings your feelings of suffereing back to you. This would be normal with anything, say you were in an abusive relationship ad were able to get out, the memorys would be there, but in time with your new life they would fade. It is the same with anxiety, I had it for 10 years, it was bound to pop its head up when it had been part of my life for so long, so its fine for the feelings to ‘hover’ over you, just see it as part of you, something that will pass in time, again we get back to not ‘questioning’ why. I was a master and questioning why until I realised the way forward was to pay my symptoms no mind, just let them get on with whatever they wanted to do, even as frustrating as they could be.

    Lets just say Mrs A took the advice we share on here and got on with her day no matter how she felt, she truly questioned none of it, even though the thoughts of anxiety were with her most of the time.

    And Mrs B ignored the advice and questioned every symptom, worried about each one, got frustrated by them.

    Which person do you think would feel better? Its no contest, not only that but Mrs A has now developed a new habit, a habit were it comes natural to get on with her day however she feels, she does not even have to try, as she has not questioned her anxiety nowhere near as mush and made it the focus of her day, other outside things are grabbing her attention, she is becoming more outward, were as Mrs B is still stuck in the anxiety cycle, questioing, obsessing, avoiding, worrying, for her it continues and the harder she fights, the more trapped she feels.

    So to answer your question the best way to break the habit of checking in is don’t try not to as this always fails, just let the attention be on you if it wishes, see it as part of you, but pay it no respect, just don’t fight the feeling or get frutrated by it and in time it will get lighter and lighter and come less often, trust me this is what got me past this part of my anxiety.

    Hope that helps

    Paul

  34. Paul David Says:

    Sam, It will go next week I promise, then its usually a week to Canada.

    JR, I used to watch Dallas when I was younger. The part about the horses is true where I live to. I live in Yorkshire and as there are a couple of programs with the fields and animals in them, people presume all of Yorkshire is like that, visitors come and say ‘Well its not what I thought, where are all the animals and fields?’ the power of T.V hey.

  35. John S Says:

    Ha good shout Paul. I live in Yorkshire as well and people dont understand that its not all like Emmerdale here! Just wanted to say thanks for your advice on the last blog regarding the attention being on me at the moment. The past few days I have let it be there and not questioned it. I have felt better and done so much the past couple of days. I even played golf today and even though i was thinking about my condition a bit i didn’t vare and i actually enjoyed playing the golf. I understand that i will feel strange talking to people for a while and i really dont care. Its amazing how much more I have been able to connect with my family, girlfriend and friends just in the past couple of days since your post. Im at uni now and I’m going to watch the football in my local pub tonight and i really couldn’t care less how i feel! Thanks Paul and all the other guys on here.p tomorrow and i hope you dont mind but I’m going to take your book in and show him. He mentioned he has numerous patients with D.P and i want to make him/them aware of this site and your book.
    Cheers mate
    John S

  36. John S Says:

    I meant to say at the end that im going to my G.P tomorrow and i hope you dont mind but I’m going to take your book in and show him. He mentioned he has numerous patients with D.P and i want to make him/them aware of this site and your book.
    Sorry for the mistake
    John S

  37. Paul David Says:

    Johns……What you say below is EXACTLY what you should have done, you have the 100% correct attitude there and you have seen improvements as I said you would, its just about belief and a little patience and not running for that quick fix. It is the very caring how you felt that held you back, how could you connect with people and the world around you when all you cared about was how you were feeling? You were so busy watching yourself, nothing else could take your attention, what you have done is changed the balance and become more outward and this is the reason you are able to connect with people far better.

    Also you will gain so much from this and other things will begin to fall into place. You may get some testing days where your anxiety will trey and drag you back through habit ‘Please take me serious, please worry about me, please pay me loads of respect’ but you have the key now to say ‘Nah I can’t be bothered, I am too busy living’

    Well done John on that realisation, there is nothing for me to add, you trusted in what you were told and then carried it through, its a slow up and down process at times, but the real you will come back bit by bit. On the book, of course show it anyone you wish.

    The past few days I have let it be there and not questioned it. I have felt better and done so much the past couple of days. I even played golf today and even though i was thinking about my condition a bit i didn’t vare and i actually enjoyed playing the golf. I understand that i will feel strange talking to people for a while and i really dont care. Its amazing how much more I have been able to connect with my family, girlfriend and friends just in the past couple of days since your post. Im at uni now and I’m going to watch the football in my local pub tonight and i really couldn’t care less how i feel!

    Never has a truer word been said, don’t expect miracles, just live along side the strangeness for as long as it takes and in time the old you will re-surface.

    Paul

  38. Scarlet Says:

    “JR, I used to watch Dallas when I was younger. The part about the horses is true where I live to. I live in Yorkshire and as there are a couple of programs with the fields and animals in them, people presume all of Yorkshire is like that, visitors come and say ‘Well its not what I thought, where are all the animals and fields?’ the power of T.V hey.”

    You mean they don’t have horses in Dallas or Yorkshire, I will never believe a thing on the televsion ever again 😉

    PS I am from Yorkshire as well, now called Humberside… same as Candie x

  39. selma Says:

    Paul, that was an amazing and insightful post. Thank you.

  40. Dean Says:

    hi all
    hjope you are all doing well and had a great new year.i have been much better in my anxiety of late,but things are getting hectic at wrk and the stress levels get a bit high so the anxiety starts to hit again.one thing as im doing the noticing again i broke out with this rash all ova my arms,back and chest area,it a;lmost looked like measels,but im fine its not making me sick its going away because this is the second time its come up,but its fading although i can still feel it on my skin.does anyone knw wat it cud be.other then tht im making gud porogress

    Dean

  41. Candie Says:

    Hey Dean

    We arn’t really in the position here to guess when it comes to your health, sure we are clued up on anxiety but really we can only give advice. If you really think your rash could be a problem, go see your doctor. From my experiences mine have been caused by irritation and nothing more, but it would be un-ethical of me to go diagnosing you. Dont pressume every unpleasant symptom you experience is anxiety, sometimes we get these things anyway and they are mostly nothing to worry over. If you see your doc and he gives you all clear, accept that and dont let the rash get to you :)

  42. Shirley D Says:

    Ok doctor Dalley here!
    Dean

    I had Urticaria – which they said might be related to the anxiety and stress.

    It was very itchy and spread into quite large patches. Have a look for it on the ‘net’ and see if it is like yours. Again, eventually it disappeared and is nothing to worry about.

  43. lee Says:

    hi, dont know if you remember me buti posted a few questions a few months back and bought your book and got through my anxiety initially, i was and still am for that matter off the meds and do not wish to go back on, my big problem is a new anxiety and i know stems i think from my original problems, i have a terrible health anxiety and am terrified i am going to die! i woke up sunday morning and for no reason out of no where i convinced myself i was going to have a heart attack, im a 28 year old reasonably healthy guy by the way but i got myself in such a state it brought on a panic attack, i know i have to acceppt that this isnt going to happen but i terrifies me and is by far the most scariest part of the anxiety ive ever had and i truly dont know how or if i can stop myself thinking in such a negative, morbid way. please help

  44. David Says:

    Hi everyone, this is my second post here and i am new to this site.
    Its good to see so many people here giving and taking advice.
    Im 31, and I live in North London. I think what I have could be “depersonalization” but Im not 100% sure. Its like a psysical feeling that I get everyday since Feb ’07.
    I feel dizzy, lightheaded, its such a surreal feeling that I find it hard to describe.
    Im constantly spaced out, like as if I have had a beer, maybe a kind of detached feeling….It has completely changed my life as i don’t feel my old self.
    In the morning when I get up I feel ok maybe for 30 mins to an hour and then this dizzy foggy feeling slowly comes as it does every day. It makes concentration difficult and i end up with a tightness in my forehead. I can really feel this when I raise my eyebrows. Over these past 2 years I have seen loads of specialists both here and in Spain where i used to live, all to no avail. (I even had a brain scan, al ok) The lack of clarity in my head is driving me mad.
    I just find it strange that anxiety or dp can cause such obvious psysical symptoms. Is this normal, can anybody relate to this? Is this dp?
    Thanks for any replies..

  45. Scarlet Says:

    Hi David,

    Welcome to the blog

    “I think what I have could be “depersonalization” but Im not 100% sure. Its like a psysical feeling that I get everyday since Feb ‘07.
    I feel dizzy, lightheaded, its such a surreal feeling that I find it hard to describe.
    Im constantly spaced out, like as if I have had a beer, maybe a kind of detached feeling….It has completely changed my life as i don’t feel my old self.
    In the morning when I get up I feel ok maybe for 30 mins to an hour and then this dizzy foggy feeling slowly comes as it does every day. It makes concentration difficult and i end up with a tightness in my forehead. I can really feel this when I raise my eyebrows. Over these past 2 years I have seen loads of specialists both here and in Spain where i used to live, all to no avail. (I even had a brain scan, al ok) The lack of clarity in my head is driving me mad.”

    What you describe sounds very much like DP to me David, I used to wake up and within half an hour felt like you and it lasted all day until the evening. I would walk around as if I was drunk in a dream-state, on auto pilot, with really no feelings, detached from the world, and of course I was very afraid of this feeling, which I am sure you are… but David it stems from a tired mind that’s all, and each morning you expect it to be there, and it is.

    You need to adopt a different attitude to it, one of no fear. So in a morning, when it starts, accept it (welcome it) and have faith that it’s going to pass, have a more relaxed attitude towards it. It’s a phase that lots of us go through when suffering anxiety, and it always passes, so carry on with your normal daily activities, despite feeling like this… live alongside it for the time being and do not fear feeling like this. Rest assured you do NOT have anything else, various docs have said so after many tests.

    The more you accept the way you are feel and not react to it, the sooner it will go, and with a litte practice this change in attitude will make a big difference.

  46. Paul David Says:

    Quick note to Dean, if you post Dean could you try not to post in text talk, its makes it hard to read and also the search engines frown upon it and I have to go through it and change it.

    Thanks Paul

  47. Fiona Says:

    Great advise on the post Paul :-)
    I hope everyone is staying strong…. i came from feeling awful to making great progress and although i know you should wait for recovery i think that you can sense it might just be round the corner. All the advice you need is on this blog/website. It doesn’t happen over night, it is up and down but slowly anxiety loses power of you. To quote Paul: tomorrow may be the best day yet so keep the faith!
    Fiona

  48. April Says:

    Hi, I have one more question. When I had that thought, “how is this all possible, meaning the world/ universe”, I now feel like we are all in a snow globe and nothing is real, even the air. You can imagine how scary this is because I cannot avoid looking or going outside. I feel like because this all started from a thought, that I will not be able to view the world the way that I used to again. All day yesterday I just went along with my day as usual, I had hardly any anxiety, but this feeling is still so disturbing. Do you think that this is caused by dp/anxiety or the thought that I had? And can I get over this? I won’t ask anymore about this, I just want to be sure that this will go away.
    Thanks so much, April

    Oh and thanks Paul for answering my question, I just cut my counseling sessions to twice a month. The lady that I talk to went through 3 years of dp and the way she is counseling me is how she got out of it including the underlying factors. She has taught me pretty much everything that you say just with different wording, I just wasn’t sure if the underlying factor thing was right for everyone.

  49. Fiona Says:

    Hi April, you are totally consumed by your anxious thoughts at the moment…. you suffering from scary thoughts and feelings of unreality and probably DP. They are all part and parcel of anxiety. Just try and calm down a bit let the worrying thoughts go….. that’s all they are! It want happen tonight, not even tomorrow but slowly you’ll start to get breaks in your anxiety where you will think rationally and not be consumed by panic. At these points you’ll realise that its just worry and an over active imaginatgion in a sensitised body. But stop worrying…. it’ll take time as just now all you do is worry but slowly you can turn that around, become calmer , less anxious and able to think rationally and see irrational anxious thoughts for what they are.
    Hope this helps
    Fiona xxx

  50. David Says:

    Thank you Scarlet for your prompt reply.
    I bought Paul’s book and I have read it. I can relate to a lot of the information.
    I do try to ignore it now i have read the book. I only really had a name for what I had a few months ago, so since then I have always been wondering what was wrong with me. It had even wondered if i had Altzeimers, as my memory dosen’t seem to be as good as it should. Could this also be due to the dp?
    Anyway hopefully things will change.
    Thanks again,
    David

  51. Scarlet Says:

    Hi david,

    “It had even wondered if i had Altzeimers, as my memory dosen’t seem to be as good as it should. Could this also be due to the dp?\’

    Most certainly, it’s difficult to think clearly when you have DP… but as this feeling clears (and it will) your memory will improve, and no it’s not alzheimers.. I thought this too at one time.

  52. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Ap[ril

    “I have one more question. When I had that thought, “how is this all possible, meaning the world/ universe”, I now feel like we are all in a snow globe and nothing is real, even the air. You can imagine how scary this is because I cannot avoid looking or going outside. I feel like because this all started from a thought, that I will not be able to view the world the way that I used to again. All day yesterday I just went along with my day as usual, I had hardly any anxiety, but this feeling is still so disturbing. Do you think that this is caused by dp/anxiety or the thought that I had? And can I get over this?”

    You have overanalysed the meaning of the universe too much, have overreacted to the thoughts and now have a tired mind that’s all. I have been exactly where you are now hun. Normally you wouldn’t have thought about it too deeply, but you have and now you have gotten yourself into a negative thinking loop and are scared. Do not be scared of this feeling, accept it and do not react to it, and it will go. Yes you most certainly will get over this, and the sooner you are able to dismiss feeling like this and not react in a negative way, the quicker it will pass.

  53. Emily Says:

    Hi everyone!
    Like Candie mentioned recently, I’d like to post positive highlights on here to share and read other posts as support and encouragement. Yesterday and today I’ve had a different feeling that I haven’t had before and it’s a confidence. I know I have more setbacks to come, but for the first time, I feel like I’m getting there. I’m closer and I know it. That feels pretty good!
    Thank you for this blog…it’s been a huge help for me to see things differently.
    Remember, that we can read other people’s advice until we’re blue in the face and ask questions about different symptoms over and over, but it’s not until we say, “Ok, now I’ve got to do what I hear and believe it” that it’ll begin to heal.

    Emily :)

  54. Paul David Says:

    Remember, that we can read other people’s advice until we’re blue in the face and ask questions about different symptoms over and over, but it’s not until we say, “Ok, now I’ve got to do what I hear and believe it” that it’ll begin to heal.

    Good advice Emily, I tend to pick out the questions to answer that I think they really need covering, people who have took the message on, but are maybe stuck on certain issues. Understanding why you feel like you do is important, as it takes so much fear out of the mix, but It can be the reassuring posts that can hinder, going through every symptom, obsessing and questioning every sensation.

    I would really rather people try take on board the message I put across, as this is what will help you move forward.

    Paul

  55. April Says:

    Thank you Scarlet and Fiona, I really appreciate both of you taking the time out to help me and others. It is just so scary when everything that you have ever thought and felt now feels all upside down and nothing makes sense. I will do the acceptance for as long as it takes, even this morning, when my thoughts feel there worse, I told myself that this is just habit and to just let it be there if it wants and it did seem to take the edge off. I will use this attitude for however long it takes.
    Thanks so much again,
    April

  56. JR Says:

    I haven’t even watched a full episode of Dallas before! Yeah TV does have a habit depicting things a certain way.

    Scarlet I was reading David’s post and the response you gave him about DP. I felt just like this for years in my illness. It started to get better over the past five months and my attitude sort of changed. I started a new job in July and this helped because everything was new. But now I’m started to get really bored. What’s funny is when I feel slightly better or actually connect while talking to someone I love my job. I told my wife about a month ago that I could settle in here easily. I don’t know if its my job or me, but seems its all revolves around my condition.

    At the moment I feel caught between my anxiety self and my real self. It’s a weird feeling.

    My boss is a great communicator, something that I am not at the moment. I hate to say it but I feel I’m getting jealous of everyone around me just because they can communicate, connect, and it’s so easy for them, it’s just natural.

    Another thing I’ve noticed is that my mind places things people say in good or bad categorizes and that I don’t have the right to just be myself.

    I know Paul says to not worry about how you come across to others, but how do you carry that out and when you say stupid things or your mind just freezes in front of people.

    Sorry I’m such a bummer today, but I feel I’m just sliding back into habits and anxiety and am trying to grab hold of something.

  57. Nigel Says:

    JR said:

    “I started a new job in July and this helped because everything was new. But now I’m started to get really bored. What’s funny is when I feel slightly better or actually connect while talking to someone I love my job. I told my wife about a month ago that I could settle in here easily. I don’t know if its my job or me, but seems its all revolves around my condition.”

    I am finding a similar problem. When I at my worst (mornings) I find it incredibly hard to connect with my work – I find concentrating difficult and my mind keeps wandering. I also get anxious as if I don’t know how to do things (which is ridiculous because I’ve been doing it for years). When I’m feeling better I too find I connect with people better and enjoy more what I am doing, so no, JR – I think it’s you (and me) not the job.

    I too feel I have an anxiety self and a real self – there is a noticeable difference between them. It’s frustrating because I want to get back to enjoying what I do but I guess it will just take time and will come back when the anxiety goes.

    Nigel

  58. Sam Says:

    Hey scarlet and Candie,

    well this week as been really hard for me. My stomach symptoms and naseau are really hard to cope with these days. I also get the tense head that when i raise my eyebrows my ears feel stiff. i read what Paul says that we must accept the way we feel and go on with normal life, but i find it hard when your symptoms ar there making u feel like crap. some times i have no more patience for anxiety and i know its not ok to say but it wins and gets m down.

    I question myself often now:

    Will i be like this forever?

    will i one day be like i was?

    anxiety has taken my joy out of doing stuff. I wake up feel naseau, get my butt to work, put on a smile and inside i feel like crap.

    The only positive thing i guess is that in the beginning i would wake up in the middle of the night and panic, loose my breathing and thats gone for a while now.Appetiate is not like it use to be. Other positive thing is that @ night i feel ok and sleep well.

    I also question if leaving the pills a month ago was a good thing, well they didnt do much as i was feeling like thi also on meds.

    Talk to many people and they ay it takes time, but the present is driving me crazy, just fed up with this.

    sorry for the rant just need encouragment…

    Thanks
    Sam

  59. JR Says:

    Thanks for your response Nigel. It’s tough not knowing what you really think at times. I’m not really sure what knocked me off the post so to speak. One thing really stands out though. I had extreme existential anxiety thoughts and feelings about why we’re here, why not just die and get it over with – that what happens in the end anywat, etc. These bothered me a lot over my two weeks off about two weeks ago. I tried to let them go, but they came so hard and so often. Anything I would do, every action, the thoughts would come, but I’m not sure why I couldn’t just let them be there. Because I’ve been somewhat anxious most of my life (I’m 24) I didn’t know if I needed to be doing CBT or something similar or if just accepting it is the answer. As I was recovering prior to this, I noticed that I knew a lot more than I feel like I do in this condition or that I know most of what CBT teaches – like it was just common sense. I kept saying “man I never knew I knew all of that. Or I would just talk freely and all these words and info would pour out on it’s own – like I didn’t have to think about what I am saying before or as I was saying it. It just flowed without any help and it was much better. Like my “third eye” was not on myself, but on the world around me.

    I was on my way to recovery, slow, but steady. I was so solid in believing this was the way home and then this has me questioning everything again…it’s like I cracked the door of doubt and the anxiety pushed me down and flooded in. Now I’m scared because it’s been a year since reading Paul’s book and I was getting so confident and better. Not 100%, but slowly strutting there with confidence, and this has taken me by full surprise.

    I just don’t know what to do I’m so lost and need some guidance.

  60. Paul David Says:

    J.R

    You say: I know Paul says to not worry about how you come across to others, but how do you carry that out and when you say stupid things or your mind just freezes in front of people.

    J.R this happened to me a lot, but it got worse when I actually went into situations thinking it may happen, actually waiting to act my way through. I could talk to my partner a lot more freely as she knew what I was going through so I did not worry or think how I may come across, hence this relaxad me enough to ake it far easier, I was not watching myself. What you can not do is try to control how you act, this just makes the attention become more on yourself and you struggle even more.

    When I say don’t care how you come across, it means if you make strange answers then so be it, if you feel strange through conversation then fair enough, if you feel attention reverting to you, then let it, don’t try to fight it off or try to control it, full abandonment is the key.

    I had this attitude and because I did not care how I came across and that meant if I was a bit stuttery or made strange answers then so be it, I found my attention not so much on myself as I was no longer watching myself, it made it easier and the more I went into situations with this ‘Who cares how I am’ it became easier and easier. Before this it would go like this ‘Oh I have to talk to this person, I will feel awful’ ‘ O.k he has spoke my turn, don’t crack’ ‘Make a strange answer or mumble, ‘oh no that went bad, try and act normal’ then I would feel more inward than ever, hardly hearing what he was saying, ‘O.k I have to finish this, I am feeling more odd’ J.R that’s how it used to go because I cared so much how I did come across. In the end I just spoke and what came out, came out, but because I did not care, I was no longer watching myself and was automatically more relaxed.

    Hope that makes sense.

    Paul

  61. James Says:

    Scarlet, thanks for responding the other day, very promptly i might add. I think you may well be right, the thought has only troubled me since i read the article and have given the thought credit which suggests it is more of a self-fulfilling prophecy than an issue in itself.
    The depersonalisation is very weird and i am also struggling with light-headedness, dizziness and fatigue. I was wondering if these are a result of my heightened anxiety or of my Prozac.
    I never wanted to take the prozac but just before my wedding the anxiety got out of control and my doctor said i needed to. I have asked about coming off the meds, i have been taking them for 5 weeks now, but the doctor says i need to do 3 months before i come off them??
    Also, the weird thoughts i have are strange, its like i cant differentiate between what is real and what is not??? I feel like a stranger in my body, liek someone else has taken over me but with me still at the wheel, very odd. I am still doing my regualr activities and day to day bits and pieces and do have faith i will one day get better but how can i truly be sure i am not suffering from any serious mental illness i.e. bipolar, schizophrenia etc

  62. Emily Says:

    Lee,
    I noticed your post from a few days ago about your health and dying fears…I don’t think you have gotten a response, but take the same advice that others have received and apply it to yourself. Don’t fight with those scary thoughts, but let them by there next to you. Go get a physical if you want and then trust the doctor and keep moving on with your day…it’s very difficult, but we all have the choice to dwell or not. Hope you’re feeling stronger soon.

  63. Mazza Says:

    Hi Emily, Scarlet & Paul
    I’ve just been reading the above posts and was thinking about people who have fears of dying and questioning why are we here, what;s the point. I think people without anxiety have the same thoughts, but maybe they just put them away in the back of their mind and get on with their life. Unlike people (including me) who are having a bad day with their anxiety, instead of ignoring these thoughts, they home in on them, if you know what I mean. Do you think that makes sense. At the end of the day when I’m feeing good, I don’t even think about those things and if I do I just say, “Oh well, it’s the same for everyone” and get on with what I’m doing.

    Anyway, just a question for you, for the last couple of weeks (with the help of this blog, which is really helpful) I’ve been feeling really good, a little backgroud anxiety, but nothing which stops me from enjoying myself. Anyway, being that I’ve felt better, I had a few drinks, and today, I’ve felt myself feeling nervy and questioning my thoughts. Is that normal when people have a drink, am I confusing how I’m feeing, what I mean is, is the drink that’s made me anxious or is it anxiety. I’m also trying to stop smoking, been to the nurse at the stop smoking clinic, but as yet, although I’ve really cut down, I can’t seem to stop. That makes me feel really angry with myself, cos I know the damage it causes, and I do have slight health anxiety. Have any of you managed to stop smoking when you have anxiety. I haven’t told the nurse about my anxiety, because I don’t want to take medication to stop smoking. I just wish I had never started. I beat myself up constantly. Any advice would be much appreciated. Also,, one of my symptoms of anxiety is the feeling that I’m not breathing properly, and strangely, when I’m not smoking it seems worse!! I have no idea why.
    Thanks everyone and have a good day
    Mazza

  64. Candie Says:

    Hi Mazza,

    Your theory about the thoughts is true. Here is a passage i was once emailed which sums it up

    Everybody experiences fleeting thoughts that
    many would consider scary or crazy. The difference
    between most people and somebody who gets
    caught up in them, is that the average
    person sees them for exactly what they are,
    fleeting anxious thoughts, and casually ignores them.

    The anxious person is at a disadvantage as they
    already have a certain level of anxiety in their system.
    The thoughts easily spark feelings of further anxiety
    which builds into a cycle of fear. You break the cycle
    by changing how you react to the fearful thought.

    Hope that helps, as for the hangover- oh yes its been well documeted on here how much more anxious we all feel when we have had a drink! It is the dehydration mostly i reckon, so next time you drink have plenty of water before bed. I remember having a really bad hangover with anxiety and my heart wouldnt stop racing, i didnt know why my heart was doing this at the time so i went to A&E! When you smoke you take deeper, longer breaths instead of shallow quick breaths- thats why you feel more at ease with your breathing. I stopped smoking at the begining of my anxiety which would be 2 years this june- it didnt make me any worse, just gave me more energy.

  65. Mazza Says:

    Hi Candy

    Thank you for that advice, well done stopping smoking. Did you go cold turkey or did you use something to help. Did you find it really hard. I’m gonna try again tomorrow, it’s that first one in the morning, so hard to stop.
    Your so right about drinking with anxiety, it does heighten it the next day. Yesterday was the first drink I’ve had in a couple of weeks. I think I’ll stop it altogether for a while, I do feel better for not drinking.
    By the way, congratulations on your pregnancy, hope it’s all going well. When is it due?
    Thank you once again
    Mazza

  66. sasha Says:

    Hi Paul

    it was really informative especially your answer on full recovery.I guess its basically your faith and attittude and willpower that really counts. if you are weak hearted and think that you cant get over it and start think about all the after effects it has on our life it preoccupies the mind and the whole day revolves the ‘thing’ called anxiety.

    But once you get into the habit it is very difficult to reverse especially when you converse with other people. subconsciously you keep monitoring yourself whether your doing well.

    i’m saying this because i am a person who came off from severe anxiety but still being disturbed by this feeling of monitoring.hence i am unable to engage in a meaningful conversation its all cut short and to the point. for me monitoring is like a nightmare.

    i’m trying the whatever attittude.hope it works.Praying for people who suffer the same.
    ; thanks to u Paul once again..

  67. Helz Belz Says:

    hi everyone,
    havent been around for a while, but got stuck in another set back. i know where ive been going wrong, still doing a lot of ruminating and keeping track of how well i’m doing, i think thats all become a bad habit. have been trying to let the thoughts be there, but i havent gotten the hang of that yet. its like theres a constant conversation going on, often thinking over and worrying about things ive felt (like dread, and indecisiveness) and its really dragged me back down. i was wondering if anyone else had this, and if anyone found a way of not getting dragged into their thoughts. i hate that ive spent so much time just ruminating, after i was doing so well. trying not to go into the self pity habit too, but thats very hard. will keep trying! i know that when im better i wont let these thoughts bother me, but for now they seem like the most important things i should be thinking about, even though all they’re doing is pumping out more adrenalin and making me feel worse. :( -x-

  68. loryt Says:

    hi all

    scarlet , really sorry to ask this of you again, but you sent me an email attached with a piece about worrying, unfortunately i deleted it and forgot to save it to a file, could you possibly send it again. my email is (Email removed) Thanks
    have a good day all, im going for a long walk along the beach and catch the traiN BACK

    LOL lorryt

    I have passed this on to Scarlet Lorry with your email address, its not good to let your email address out as anyone can pick it up and also you will get spammed daily by the naughty internet people.

    Paul

  69. Scarlet Says:

    Lorry I’ll send you some more stuff as well… btw what was it I sent you? can’t remember. Will ask via email tomorrow hun no worries…

    Apparently tomorrow is Blue Monday, most depressing day of the year for those interested 😉

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blue_Monday_(date)

    Back tomorrow as my guests go home tomomorow, and my sons exams finish Hurrah!!!!!!!

  70. lisa Says:

    brrr it will be cold on the beach today lorry, it tried snowing here this morning. i agree with paul be very careful what you put reguarding your e.mail address, there are lots of naughty internet people :-). scarlet your piece might help others about worrying,might be worth putting on if paul doesnt mind :-)

  71. Scarlet Says:

    Lisa I can’t remember what it was, despite being only 21 😉 LOL but I will have a look through all my stuff again and the email I sent Lorry to find out.. x

  72. lisa Says:

    lol scarlet… if were forgetful at 21 what are we going to be like at 41:-) ohh what a scary thought lol.. :-)

  73. Candie Says:

    Lol bless you two old girlies- your memories are not what they used to be eh 😛 Lorry is on about the first bit of info you sent me Scarlet, if you cant find it let me know as iv got it stored on my laptop :) Bit of reassurance for you both, im 22 and my memory is terrible.. you need DS, brain training- my brain has gone from the age of 56 to 29 *Looks all smug and coy :) ahahah

    Fancy them naming a day as the most depressing of the year haha- now where all going to watch our mood and make ourselfs feel low anyway! That is it, i am going to have a brilliant day, i have decided 😀

  74. mike Says:

    i know why!!!!!. middle of month no money till payday which is a week on friday. never mind though we are beating the anxiety..
    and people who feel like they are never gonna beat this monster at the moment keep the faith and this blog will get you through!!!
    hows that for a positive start to the week..

  75. Sam Says:

    Scarlet or Candie can u please answer my qoute on the top

    Thanks, just need re-assurance…
    Sam

  76. JR Says:

    I see what you mean Paul. Again it’s a whatever attitude. I’m been feeling way too sorry for myself recently! My anxiety is trying to tell me that not having self pity is feeling is fighting. That tired mind of mine.

  77. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Sam,

    Sorry didn’t get chance to respond,

    “well this week as been really hard for me. My stomach symptoms and naseau are really hard to cope with these days. I also get the tense head that when i raise my eyebrows my ears feel stiff. i read what Paul says that we must accept the way we feel and go on with normal life, but i find it hard when your symptoms ar there making u feel like crap. some times i have no more patience for anxiety and i know its not ok to say but it wins and gets m down.”

    Sounds like a we setback Sam, and when you have a setback your symptoms worsen temporarily, and you pay attention to them more.

    “I question myself often now:”

    “Will i be like this forever?”

    No you WILL NOT be like this forever, every one of us thought the same at one time as well… me included. You are recovering nicely Sam. Try and remember how you felt on your holiday in Jamaica, and recreate that in your mind at moments like this.

    “will i one day be like i was?”

    Yes, but you will have more inner strength and compassion…

    “anxiety has taken my joy out of doing stuff. I wake up feel naseau, get my butt to work, put on a smile and inside i feel like crap.”

    Keep doing what you are doing, get your smile on, and stop thinking how you are feeling…just go with it, feeling crap or not.

    “The only positive thing i guess is that in the beginning i would wake up in the middle of the night and panic, loose my breathing and thats gone for a while now.Appetiate is not like it use to be. Other positive thing is that @ night i feel ok and sleep well.”

    See at one time you probably couldn’t sleep, so you can see yourself that you have made improvements, and I know you have made many more than this, but during a setback your thinking is distorted. No worries about your appetitie, that will return when your nausea subsides. i didn’t eat for the last 3 months of my pregnancy, lost weight, and for 6 months after that had a ‘jippy’ stomach. Glad to say (or not) that I have regained all my lost weight, trouble is need to lose a stone now…ah well, not going to worry about that. 😉

    “Talk to many people and they ay it takes time, but the present is driving me crazy, just fed up with this.”

    If you get time, read through some of the entries that Paul has written in his blog, I’m sure they will help you… this is what I used to do during a setback, just to reassure my self a wee bit… but I promise you Sam that you are on the right track and this setback is necessary to your recovery.

    “sorry for the rant just need encouragment…”

    You got it 😉

    S.

  78. Scarlet Says:

    Hi candie,

    “Lol bless you two old girlies- your memories are not what they used to be eh Lorry is on about the first bit of info you sent me Scarlet, if you cant find it let me know as iv got it stored on my laptop Bit of reassurance for you both, im 22 and my memory is terrible.. you need DS, brain training- my brain has gone from the age of 56 to 29 *Looks all smug and coy ahahah”

    I remembr which one it was now, see lookk don’t need that brain training. Actually I have loads of stuff like that on my computer, self help stuff which I’ve hoarded over the years, …but don’t have the time to read it at the moment, need to be out in the lovely sunshine..oooo it’s warm and sunny here, no snow yet LOL

    “Fancy them naming a day as the most depressing of the year haha- now where all going to watch our mood and make ourselfs feel low anyway! That is it, i am going to have a brilliant day, i have decided ”

    I’m having a good day so far, my baby is sleeping in, my son finishes his IB exams today and my guests have just gone to the airport. I’m liking today A LOT, ‘most depressing day of the year what a load of rubbish’ 😉

  79. Paul David Says:

    I see what you mean Paul. Again it’s a whatever attitude. I’m been feeling way too sorry for myself recently! My anxiety is trying to tell me that not having self pity is feeling is fighting. That tired mind of mine.

    Yes J.R its the attitude that’s the key, you don’t have to go around saying ‘whatever’ just always have that attitude, however a situation unfolds then it does, I am not going to try and control it, no inner battles. Again when feeling uncomfortable don’t try and feel the need to ‘fix’ it, this is when the inner battle starts. Don’t worry also about a few bad days, trust me they go, they always do. I remember some really bad days where I felt awful, my mind would begin to race with silly thoughts but I just let that thinking be part of me, no fighting, no getting active in the thoughts, just go with the awfulness and it passed far quicker, the same person who felt great the week before was me, my anxiety levels for whatever reason had risen, they calmed and I could then look back at a setback and smile ‘See you never got me’ always trust that the bad days will pass, even if you feel dreadful, just that inner belief, its just a bad day.

    Paul

  80. lisa Says:

    hey theres nothing wrong with my memory miss candie..lol. what aload of cobblers most depressing day of the year, its only depressing if you let it. im bargain hunting on price drop for christmas presents…i no..its only january but i start early and then im finished for august..hehe :-)

  81. April Says:

    I don’t know about most depressing day, but I was up all night with a stomach bug so today I’m not feeling so hot.
    I have been doing real well with the acceptance and going about my day and acting like I used to(fake it till you make it). I just have one question, is it ok for some of the more disturbing thoughts to pop up out of the blue and give you an anxiety response that lasts a few seconds? Do I lose ground when that happens? Or is that part of recovery?
    Thanks so much,
    April

  82. Paul David Says:

    is it ok for some of the more disturbing thoughts to pop up out of the blue and give you an anxiety response that lasts a few seconds? Do I lose ground when that happens? Or is that part of recovery?
    Thanks so much,
    April

    April ANYTHING that happens is fine, this is what its all about. DON’T try and rid yourself of any symptoms. Just see your thoughts as part of your natural thinking, whatever they may be. You may get a slight anxiety response, but so what, we are closely linked to our thinking and as we are senstitised we may feel a twang of anxiety, it’s fine.

    But again it does not matter how we feel at all, this is the key. Odd thoughts, twangs of anxiety, tired and weary, just live along side it for the time being, it is the worrying, obsessing, fighting, questioning that hinders us and keeps us in the cycle. I will never say ‘Yes that symtoms fine’ , ‘But hey no, you must stop or control that one’ Give a free reign to anything and just get on with your day. Someone once said ‘Yes I do get on with living, but my mind keeps reverting back to anxiety’ I said ‘That’s fine, let it, but you can still carry on with your day’.

    Paul

  83. Candie Says:

    Hi April- as Paul says, ANYTHING goes :)

    The only thing you can possibly do wrong is worrying if your thinking or feelings is correct. I have allsorts of weird odd thoughts. I had one today and got a lil twang of anxiety with it, but i know not to try figure it out as that is when fighting begins. You are already at a disposition to panic as your nerves or on alert, so if you feel these twangs of anxiety as a reaction to thoughts and feelings- recognise your anxiety makes you over react.

  84. Paul David Says:

    As Candie says its just the anxiety that brings the odd thoughts, the less you care, the less they come as they fail to shock anymore. Just see it as part of your natural thinking for the time being, don’t try to figure out why.

    Just see it as the same as your legs wobbling after a few drinks, sometimes when our anxiety levels rise, then so my thoughts may go a little wild. I understood completely in time and they truly never bothered me. I am not saying they were not a nusicence at times, but I certainly never feared them or became active in them.

  85. Emily Says:

    My brain says these things on and off all the time: “ugh, I’m still so bothered by this”, “That memory still makes my stomach uneasy”, “I HATE this feeling”, “I’m not doing a good enough job at accepting”…

    I can still really hate the feelings and thoughts and still learn how to accept, right?

    I’m getting there…trial and error…keep on moving with the day…this is how the habit gets changed…It’s so automatic to feel that nasty pit in the stomach feeling, but I’m moving in the right direction!

  86. Candie Says:

    Emily them thoughts are just anxious thoughts, our minds run wild with a background commentry on how we feel and think etc. I still accepted through this, and got to the stage where they have disapeared mostly. Your mind will try make you think you cant do this, you cant do that, the worst will happen- thats anxiety for you, always making you think the worst possible outcome of everything. All of us who have improved and those who have recovered where like this, the important thing is how you react to them. Dont try to mentally argue or put them into perspective, it wont work- just leave them be and dont take them any further.

  87. Hanaa Says:

    Hello Everyone… Just to let you know that I am new to this post. Got this link from my cousin. Well to be frank i have understood the reason for all my feelings and symptoms. Right now i am in the midst of DP. I need to put extra efforts to do things. But i know i will get better one day.

    But i have a question. I know that the only way to recover is through ACCEPTANCE. acceptance of anything that anxiety throws to me. But i am having a confusion about how to put the acceptance into practice. For me personally, i feel that to accept a thought, a feeling or a symptom i have to use a saying. For example, when thoughts are rushing in my mind i would say to myself, “it will pass” and i let it rush. Similarly when i get crawling sensation in my leg, i will say ” its ok to feel like this” and again i will let the sensation there.

    Can anyone confirm to me if it’s the right way to proceed. Because i feel at ease to proceed like this. but just wanted confirmation.

    Awaiting your precious responses.

    Good Day..

    Hanaa

  88. LORRYT Says:

    HI ALL

    APOLOGIES FOR PUTTING MY EMAIL UP !

  89. LORRYT Says:

    sorry having probs with posting at the mo!.

    i am doing ok, didnt realise how long some symptoms linger, but am coping with them at a much better level. beginning to set myself goals for things to do, and try and get on with my world despite having them hanging around. My attiude was always well we cant afford that , or we wont have time to do this, i didnt realise how much of a negative effect it has on everything, even my kids. i am starting to feel free, if u get me. if you make yourself do things, nothing can stop you.background noise will be there for a while, but we have to get on and live. things are slowly dropping into place for me and although today aint great, its just another day i will get past. onwards and upwards, with the odd bump in it!

    have a good day all, and thanks scarlet for the info, i will save it this time!

  90. james Says:

    I was wondering if anyone has sought the hel;p of a therapist and whether this is useful in overcoming anxiety. I have recently enlisted the help of a therapist and am shortly going to start therapy. That way i can start to withdraw my Prozac and move on. I am really having trouble at the minute with a thought. The thought, which i have mentioned before, centres around my past drug use and the reports that adolescent drug use causes permanent mental illness. Due to the fact that no-one can tell me whether or not this has caused my problems i have real difficulty moving past it and worry that i am resigned to a life of mental illness.
    On the flip side, i played football on Sunday morning for my league side and playing football with depersonalisation is really rather interesting. I cant much remember what happened but it gave a good outlet for my pent up aggression!!!

  91. john s Says:

    Hi, In response to Hanaa
    ‘But i am having a confusion about how to put the acceptance into practice. For me personally, i feel that to accept a thought, a feeling or a symptom i have to use a saying. For example, when thoughts are rushing in my mind i would say to myself, “it will pass” and i let it rush. Similarly when i get crawling sensation in my leg, i will say ” its ok to feel like this” and again i will let the sensation there’

    Im in the same ship as you sort of. Different symptoms but they all come under the same bracket. I am follwing Pauls advice the best i can. I have got to the stage now where i just dont care how i feel. Feeling depressed, so what! Feeling tense so what! Feeling awful, so what! Nothing bad happens ever!!!!! The greatest words that have come from Paul that have helped me are ‘don’t be irritable because you are irritable’. For example, i felt bad yesterday but i didnt let it stop me going to Uni or going to the gym or going to my friends to watch the football. I did all of it with my anxiety and DP still there but i didnt pay it the respect or over analyse it like i was doing at christmas. Even when i was feeling bad yesterday i still though ‘no big deal…i couldnt even of imagined going into town a few weeks ago but i am now so improvements and recovery are in progress’. Im letting my mind race with silly thoughts because at this moment in time i have anxiety and DP and its perfectly natural to think irrationally at the moment. It doesnt bother me as much. I feel strange still talking to people but because i understand why i feel strange (DP) and have accepted i will for a while i can now listen and connect with people in my life much better. If my mind trys to revert back to me while im talking i let it. I dont fight it and it means i can follw the conversations better. We wont be like this forever, just at the moment. You have to completely accept/allow everything. I have noticed small improvements but i dont get hung up on any of it. In the words of Gary Barlow…have a little patience. Sorry for that shocking ending!
    John S

  92. Candie Says:

    Hanaa
    If you Scroll to the begining of this blog post- you will see a conversation between me and Paul which pretty much sums up what you are asking. It is ok to have a little saying if it stops you fighting and helps you to realise its ok to feel how you do. However using a saying to try control how you feel or make yourself feel better is fighting your anxiety. As with most anxiety there can be a fine line between fighting and accepting- so it can take a bit of experience through trial and error, just go with it all and dont feel the need to figure it all out. Keep things simple, if you feel bad then so be it- dont thrash your mind for answers as you wont find them.

  93. Ryan Says:

    Really great post Paul! When i read it, it really gave me that extra boost of positive energy. I know I’m on the road to full recovery, because I’m so much better then when i first suffered, and reading these posts always just give me that reassuring that i can do this. I’m still so grateful that i found this site, because it has given me so much relief since the day I discovered it! Thank you so much Paul,
    and keep up your great work 😀

    -Ryan

  94. David Says:

    Hi Scarlet,
    hope you are ok. This fuzzy, dizzy, detached feeling I have had since feb ’07 has never really got better. I am only less afraid of it than I was after finding this site and reading Paul’s book. I just wondered if there is anyone I could talk to face to face? Also I wondered if it is important what might have triggered what I think is dp?

    Thanks for your reply.

  95. Paul David Says:

    Lorry no need to apologise, I was just protecting you as you would have been swamped with spam.

    That’s o.k Ryan, I know how much it would have meant to me in my darkest days and the reason I do it, it means as much to me as it does to the people who come here that it helps. I still have a few ideas on posts that I think will help and keep the positive boosts coming.

    You also have the right attitude to get better, keeping that belief you will come through and just keeping trucking towards it.

    Paul

  96. sasha Says:

    Hi Paul…

    I was so happy the day i discovered this site after going through sites after sites of endorsements and advices which were all third person point of view.Its more accepting when u gets the advices and tips from a person who have gone through this. No one can tell us better.

    I’m practising wat u said. but unlike before when my innervoice says you cant do this..you will go ahead and do it..but now when speaking to others or in public the same happens and i try getting past those nasty thoughts but it takes a while.. its a blip..so in public when you get to meet someone you have to initiate or speak when the other person speaks and its freeze for me.Too hard to overcome.Same in speaking over phone.i often gets disconnected from what the other person speaks. I cannot speak back and i’ll have to ask them to repeat and i feel if i dont force myself to concentrate i dont get what they say!:(

    I know when i say this i am not accepting …just because of the frustration that i cant have a proper conversation makes me cut short the communication part in my life.I am trying not to give this a thought. But its hard…Hoping for the best!

  97. sasha Says:

    Hi Helz Belz

    I too am in the exact same phase!!!. Do you have problems in conversing peacefully and not getting disconnected from it? thats a problem for me at present..

    Hence communication is effected badly. When you dont talk to others the way you did before they misunderstand .Its so difficult at times. But giving these nasty thoughts no attention is the only way out.Anything which scares you often tries to come into memory and intimidates you. I guess through practise and time we can get through…hopefully..God bless!

    Its so ironic but true that the less you fight the more you will recover..i think that spirit..should come forcefully from us like whats the worst that can happen to us? lets see …but its difficult to keep up that spirit always thats where we fail…even silly happenings can let you down easily when you are in this sensitised stage.

  98. Scarlet Says:

    Hi David,

    “hope you are ok. This fuzzy, dizzy, detached feeling I have had since feb ‘07 has never really got better. I am only less afraid of it than I was after finding this site and reading Paul’s book. I just wondered if there is anyone I could talk to face to face? Also I wondered if it is important what might have triggered what I think is dp? ”

    This is the first stage David, it takes a while for the DP to clear after you become less afraid of it… it’s not overnight, took me almost 2 years to get well myself. Just live with it for the time being and do not avoid anything you did before it started. Let it be there and accept it, without analysing why it is still there.

    As for what triggered it, I can’t say, but for me it was stress and some worries that were constantly on my mind causing me to have an adverse (negative) reaction to them. For your own peace of mind it might be helpful to know what caused it, but I can tell you for sure that when it has disappeared all will become clear. At the moment it’s futile to analyse why it started, as you get yourself into a negative thinking loop and tire your mind out even more. DP is the result of a tired mind, too much analysing, that’s all… it will pass.

  99. Paul David Says:

    Sasha as I said to someone earlier in a post above, I too struggled to hold a conversation, we are so used to watching ourselves we struggle to connect to what they are saying and as you say we feel the need to place words into a sentance instead of talking freely. It was a case of just not worrying how I came across and to follow as much of the conversation as I could without worrying how I was feeling, if I took my time answering then I did. What I stopped doing is trying to act my way through a conversation and worrying how I was coming across.

    This part of the process eases when we become more outward than inward, as in bringing other things into our day, basically just living, to feel normal, we need to live normal. Anyway here is my answer above if you missed it.

    J.R

    You say: I know Paul says to not worry about how you come across to others, but how do you carry that out and when you say stupid things or your mind just freezes in front of people.

    J.R this happened to me a lot, but it got worse when I actually went into situations thinking it may happen, actually waiting to act my way through. I could talk to my partner a lot more freely as she knew what I was going through so I did not worry or think how I may come across, hence this relaxad me enough to ake it far easier, I was not watching myself. What you can not do is try to control how you act, this just makes the attention become more on yourself and you struggle even more.

    When I say don’t care how you come across, it means if you make strange answers then so be it, if you feel strange through conversation then fair enough, if you feel attention reverting to you, then let it, don’t try to fight it off or try to control it, full abandonment is the key.

    I had this attitude and because I did not care how I came across and that meant if I was a bit stuttery or made strange answers then so be it, I found my attention not so much on myself as I was no longer watching myself, it made it easier and the more I went into situations with this ‘Who cares how I am’ it became easier and easier. Before this it would go like this ‘Oh I have to talk to this person, I will feel awful’ ‘ O.k he has spoke my turn, don’t crack’ ‘Make a strange answer or mumble, ‘oh no that went bad, try and act normal’ then I would feel more inward than ever, hardly hearing what he was saying, ‘O.k I have to finish this, I am feeling more odd’ J.R that’s how it used to go because I cared so much how I did come across. In the end I just spoke and what came out, came out, but because I did not care, I was no longer watching myself and was automatically more relaxed.

    Hope that makes sense.

    Paul

  100. Paul David Says:

    Sam no offence, but can you put your question up again and not use text talk in future please, as the last message was very hard to read. Please try not to use it in the future as not everyone understands it and it takes me ages to go through posts altering them which so far I have been doing.

    Thanks Paul

  101. loryt Says:

    I am startng to get the hang of this whatever attitude more, as for the past couple of days i have had a really banging head, possibly brought on by all these stupid thoughts and i have just put my face on and got on with things, didnt make my fuzzy head go or my thoughts go, but it was more nearable. its like walking round witha grey cloud over your head, its gonna be there for a bit , you can either let it be there and carry on or stress about it and make that grey cloud black and bring on the thunder etc !… , its the only way i can describe it .i know and have faith it will all go away eventually, dont know when but if i dont stress about things then im not feeding the adrenelin.think im finally getting it through my currently blonde head !
    i had my probs truly begin 2 years ago when i lost my nan.
    Last year i never thought id be able to live without my medication, now i’ve been med free for about 3 months. It just feels like my head is gonna run off my shoulders at the mo, full of adrenelin and im doing things at 90 miles an hour.guess it will burn itself out, feels like a massive headache.never experienced it before, just got to offload here , helps me cope a bit better !
    have a great rest of the day xx

  102. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Lorry,

    “its like walking round witha grey cloud over your head, its gonna be there for a bit , you can either let it be there and carry on or stress about it and make that grey cloud black and bring on the thunder etc !… , its the only way i can describe it .i know and have faith it will all go away eventually, dont know when but if i dont stress about things then im not feeding the adrenelin.think im finally getting it through my currently blonde head !”

    Yes it is like walking around under a grey cloud, I remember the feeling well, and it’s there for what seems like a long time, even when you start accepting it will be there for a while and not go straight away…but slowly it starts to lift and then disappear. So you must carry on and get on with your daily life alongside the grey cloud and let it be there in the background as you carry on….

  103. Sam Says:

    Hey paul,

    sorry, i dont even use text talk.

    Well my questions are, one of them is that did you hav to cope with alot of stomach pains when dealing with anxiety, as i see this symptom the hardest to break free from. Puts me real down on my mood. Feeling really down at the moment, like i am doing something wrong but dont know what.

    Lack of appetiate is getting me worried also, with the fatigue to go with it.

    Sorry again Paul as i didnt want at all to use text talk

    Sam

  104. David Says:

    Hi Scarlet,

    I’ve just moved back to the uk after 11 years abroad, Im looking to start a new career and I’ve moved to a new area. Do you think that being occupied will help this sensation I have? Also when you say that it took you nearly two years to get well, do you mean from when you accepted it or is that the total time you felt spaced out and dizzy with the dp?
    Its so annoying sometimes when Im speaking to someone and i get really spaced out, like Im buzzing, and confused and it makes the thinking process difficult. Did you ever get that?
    Thanks for taking the time to reply, it is appreciated.
    David

  105. Scarlet Says:

    Hi David,

    “I’ve just moved back to the uk after 11 years abroad, Im looking to start a new career and I’ve moved to a new area. Do you think that being occupied will help this sensation I have? Also when you say that it took you nearly two years to get well, do you mean from when you accepted it or is that the total time you felt spaced out and dizzy with the dp?
    Its so annoying sometimes when Im speaking to someone and i get really spaced out, like Im buzzing, and confused and it makes the thinking process difficult. Did you ever get that?”

    I think being occupied with a new job will build up your confidence and help you recover fully. It’s only a matter of time before it goes David. I had severe DP during my first year of anxiety and then it subsided, but I felt numb on and off right until the end of my recovery from all the analysing and worrying.

    I also had that spaced out and buzzing when I was talking to people, but to be honest (and I don’t know whether this is just a woman thing), I never had a major issue with it, as I have always been able to chatter, even at the height of my dp, and how I came across to others was one of the things I never worried about.

    I live abroad as well. Good luck with your new career David, I’m sure it will help you a lot.

  106. Michelle Says:

    Hi all.. I have been doing better and trying to put Paul’s practice to work. When I feel bad or have a bad thought, I’m gettig really good at rolling my eyes at it and saying, “Oh, it’s you, I’m not interested” or whatever, and get my mind off it. It does help.
    This question I know is taboo, but I can’t stop myself from asking it anyway. When you started to get better, how long from when you started feeling better till you would say you were back to your “old self?” 100%. I know everyone is completely different, it’s just that it’s been a year, and although I have improved drastically, I haven’t made any progress in what seems like a very long time. I have some days better than others, and I don’t let them get me down, but I do wonder if this is as good as it gets. All of my symptoms are gone except for the tingling in the forehead, that feels so chemical. I honestly don’t know if my tingly forehead is the symptom or the cause. All I know is that when it tingles more, I feel worse. Just don’t know which comes first. But it tingles bad even when I’m not thinking of anything at all, or having a great time, which makes me think the tingling affects my mood rather than vice versa. Can this truely take years and years to recover from? I’m willing to take years and years if that’s what it takes–What choice do I have?

    As I am writing this, I can see that it is based on fear, and yes, that’s what anxiety is I suppose. I feel like I completely accept that I feel bad some days. The hard part to accept is that this might be how I spend a good deal of my future– and I guess that gets me down a bit. I want to look forward to my future and life feeling good again.

  107. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Sam,

    “Well my questions are, one of them is that did you hav to cope with alot of stomach pains when dealing with anxiety, as i see this symptom the hardest to break free from. Puts me real down on my mood. Feeling really down at the moment, like i am doing something wrong but dont know what.

    Lack of appetiate is getting me worried also, with the fatigue to go with it.”

    I know it’s hard Sam, but you seem to be putting a lot of emphasis on your stomach problems, which are keeping them at the forefront of your mind and causing more symptoms. As I said, I had this bad, couldn’t eat for the best part of 8 months and was on the loo about 30 times a day, had constant stomach ache, lost loads of weight and of course was always fatigued, like you…

    You need to stop worrying about yor stomach if you can, let it run it’s course, and accept that the stomach problems are part and parcel of anxiety and will be especially worse during a setback, when you are apt to analyse the symptoms more.

    Do you exercise Sam?. I heard that going to the gym or doing regular exercise can help. Also perhaps you could change your diet as well to ease symptoms a wee bit. Maybe this will help.

    http://www.healthcastle.com/ibs-diet.shtml

    http://www.healingwell.com/LIBRARY/ibs/article.asp?author=vanvorous&id=1

    But know that it will ease as you recover, it’s anxiety-based. I no longer suffer at all these days.

  108. sasha Says:

    Hi Scarlet

    I’m surprised to hear when you say that even in the midst of buzzing and being spaced out you can possibly have the conversation with ease.if its the woman thing let me know how u felt during those times. :)

    i have got many doubts as this is the only problem I’m suffering from. How do you talk when you are spaced out…do thoughts come in freely?.is it a meaningful conversation like u can connect with the other person or is it just talking something or the other for the sake of it.. can u feel the emotions when u speak? do u get to feel what the other person is feeling..non verbal communication as well..

    Because I am struggling with it and cannot communicate because i get stuck and dont get anything to speak back. Your story of recovery is a ray of hope. Pls help.

  109. sasha Says:

    Hi Paul,

    Just one doubt Paul.Can we be back to our ”old self” with the right attittude and faith? I mean 100%??? or is it just on and off for the rest of our life? I’m ready to wait for it if it is full recovery..any set back will give a hope if time proves it.

  110. Debbie Says:

    I’m new to anxiety and very thankful I found this site. I’ve ordered the book and find just reading your posts are very reassuring. Most of my symptoms are getting less bothersome and I’m am worrying less but I have this constant neck and head tension. This creates all kind of weird sensations in my head. I’m trying relaxtion techniques and massages but it is very hard to concentrate when your head feels all these different sensations. Does anyone have any suggestions to release the tension. Any comments would be helpful

  111. Stephen Says:

    Hey Scarlet,
    How have u been? just read through pauls post and its really really good. Been not too bad laterly, i fully agree with setbacks have the power u give them…as paul said. Just started a new job today and felt anxious and weird and had the thoughts and stuff which made me feel bad for awhile but i got through and feel alot better for doing it. i know im doing better, but the words like bipolar, phycotic still seem to make me feel the anxious rush and feel abit out of it. i know i just have to keep doing normal things and i will get better in time. i have definately improved as im not thinking about anxiety 24/7 which is a change but still having setbacks here and there during a week. i had a few more questions to ask but dont really remember them at the moment.

    stephen

  112. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Sasha,

    “I’m surprised to hear when you say that even in the midst of buzzing and being spaced out you can possibly have the conversation with ease.if its the woman thing let me know how u felt during those times.”

    LOL yes I’ve never had any problem talking, can talk the hind legs off a donkey ;-), could even with dp…. although felt crap and of course my mind wandered lots and I felt fuzzy headed, I guess talking came naturally (even with anxiety) and wasn’t one of my major worries, as I didn’t have social anxiety. Being with people got rid of my anxiety temporarily, so I knew socialising was good for me… even before I found Pauls site….

    “i have got many doubts as this is the only problem I’m suffering from. How do you talk when you are spaced out…do thoughts come in freely?.is it a meaningful conversation like u can connect with the other person or is it just talking something or the other for the sake of it.. can u feel the emotions when u speak? do u get to feel what the other person is feeling..non verbal communication as well..”

    There were times that I talked for talkings sake and my mind frequently wandered onto my own problems, and I felt emotionless a lot, but I did find that chatting (especially to frineds) gave me peace of mind after a while and I would forget I had anxiety… but of course it was short lived. It’s when I got home that I was again alone with my thoughts that my anxiety returned, and I didn’t see frineds everyday and was alone quite a bit. Being with friends provided some semblence of ‘normality’ for me, and reminded me of a time when I wasn’t suffering.

    Please ask me any more questions, if I can help you I will Sasha, gotta go, my toddler is very clingy and whiny today…. and I typed this through tears so I hope it makes sense

  113. Scarlet Says:

    Sasha also today on a PND article, I read that a doc had said “you need to fake it to make it”, and that’s exactly what I did in social situations and conversations, I put on my smile and pretended to be well, even though I was feeling crap inside, but it worked and even if it was only for brief moments at first, I felt a glimmer of sunshine, and I knew this was the way to proceed if I wanted to get well….

  114. Candie Says:

    Hey Scarlet- i’m the same when it comes to been around other people, always feel much better. Yea i still have anxious thoughts and feelings sometimes but i found putting myself in normal situations and doing my best really helps me. There are times i am watching myself with a hyper-awareness of every thought and feeling, especially in those situations that provoke my anxiousness- but you have to go through it and remain calm and not fight your anxiety. I may be talking sometimes and be ‘watching’ and thinking about what i am saying- which can make it hard to connect with the person you are talking to and hold a conversation.

    My biggest problem and symptom of anxiety was my obsessive repetitive thoughts by far, i would probably be thinking something over and over every minute of every day. The repetitiveness was a deffence mechanism, to try gain control of the original panic reaction. I now can go days without even remembering some of my old obsessive thoughts, and i never think then repetively ever now- they are more a fading memory. I suppose im sort of lingering at the end of recovery, where i still have the hyper awareness to watch myself and random thoughts still make me ‘threat’ slightly- but i have mild anxiety so my mind is still on alert looking for and over reacting to potential threatening thoughts and situations. A person with anxiety perceives even the smallest of problems as a potential major threat, i know that now and can recognise the point of needing to let go… just a bit of re-habitulisation for me to get me through the final stage.

    Sasha you asked if a person can recover and relapse, and the answer is no. I know i could never go back to suffering repetitive obsessive panic- i recognise the urge to clarify now and can easily not participate in rumernating. Same goes with any fighting behavour, you can eradicate it and recover.

  115. loryt Says:

    i can really realte to that scarlet and candie, i am fine when in company and although i too dont have a problem talking, its when im alone i get drawn into the thoughts. at work i am fine, with family too i can do the donkey and hind legs thing!. i am a very socialble person, but alone my thoughts seem to take over and make me feel so isolated.
    i was ok today been out and about with my dad shopping, sorting stuff out, doing tea for kids, rescuing cat from tree!!, but when im alone it feels like this muzzy head takes over and the adrenelin is on full flow, physicallt i can cope ok as nothing happens like it used to i went int full panic mode. i just try and carry on as normal and carry thid muzziness around with me.it just seems to have appeared from nowhere i know what it is , but just a bit suprised by it, and a bit deflated by it but cant change it. i never really had a social problem with panic, just scared myself with worry i think looking back about everything. but it feels good to be here and relate to you all, it truly helps.

  116. loryt Says:

    many apologies for the typing !! kids spilt something on keyboard and some keys stick hence bad spelling !

  117. Scarlet Says:

    Lorry,

    I’m sure it’s a woman thing, the chatting/ease of conversation…plus we women can multi-task, feed a baby, cook the dinner, whilst having a conversation on the phone, and whilst the telly is in the background. Later on we can remember what the telly program was about, as well as the phone conversation… I suppose it’s the same thing as carrying out a conversation whilst being distracted by thoughts and having dp…. it comes naturally to us as it’s the same as multi-tasking … 😉 LOL

    I was the same as you Candie/Lorry, hated being alone, was afraid of it. My anxiety stemmed from being alone on bedrest with pregnancy complications. I saw no-one for 3 months, apart from hubby who worked long hours.. this was the crux of my problem, being alone with my worries, had I had my mother around, or friends/family regularly, I’m sure I would never have suffered. It was the lack of conversation/chatting with someone close, and being to offload my troubles which led to my anxiety, so I knew the way out for me was to get back with other folks asap…

    Plus I never met one person in Hull who couldn’t talk the back legs off a donkey….”winks at Candie”

  118. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Stephen,

    Hows sunny Oz?

    ” Just started a new job today and felt anxious and weird and had the thoughts and stuff which made me feel bad for awhile but i got through and feel alot better for doing it. i know im doing better, but the words like bipolar, phycotic still seem to make me feel the anxious rush and feel abit out of it. i know i just have to keep doing normal things and i will get better in time. i have definately improved as im not thinking about anxiety 24/7 which is a change but i had a few more questions to ask but dont really remember them at the moment.

    Congrats on the new job Stephen, it will get easier. As you know, I constantly worried about being psychotic or schizophrenic when suffering anxiety, and I was afraid of the very mention of these words… but now that I am recovered, I could say them a hundred times and they wouldn’t have the same effect. You will find that as you throw yourself into your new job and gain more confidence, that the words own’t have the same effect to you either.

    “still having setbacks here and there during a week. ”

    You will have setbacks right up to the end Stephen, but they will get less intense and you will gain more strength after each one.

  119. sasha Says:

    Hi Scarlet and candie
    Thanks a lot!!! for your positive posts. I think in my case i fear what if i am not able to converse . what if my thoughts freeze. and I am worried about how I appear and that fear gives it to feed on .As you are person who doesnt bother how people think i guess there was no fear element.But for me its a loop… i fear what if I cannot communicate?Thats the hinderance for my recovery.
    But Scarlet what you said is right ..faking it even when you feel crap.thats better than self pitying..
    And Candie its so much of a relief to know that a person who had recovered after learning how to overcome those anxious feelings willl not relapse.I feel some peace inside…

  120. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Debbie,

    Welcome to the blog, I’m sure you will find it very useful. With regards to the headaches, I found that a head and shoulder massage used to help me enormously (if I could get hubby to give me one), also reflexology I tried once. Do you do any form of exercise? exercise is good becasue it helps relieve muscle tension and alleviate stress-related symptoms, such as these types of tension headaches.. Going down the pool or talking a brisk walk/jog in the fresh air I found to be beneficial for my own headaches, and I always made sure I went outside once a day rather than stay in a stuffy environment with the radiators on. Also make sure there’s some fresh air circulating around your house, even if it’s cold outside.

  121. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Michelle,

    “When you started to get better, how long from when you started feeling better till you would say you were back to your “old self?” 100%. I know everyone is completely different, it’s just that it’s been a year, and although I have improved drastically, I haven’t made any progress in what seems like a very long time.”

    The first year I muddled through without knowing what was happening to me really, and felt as if I didn’t improve much. Then I came across Paul and a few other similar sites which were giving useful info on how to recover and started educating myself. When I had the tools/knowledge for recovery it took me around 6-8 months to be able to implement all what I’d read and become fully recovered….

  122. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Sasha,

    “Thanks a lot!!! for your positive posts. I think in my case i fear what if i am not able to converse . what if my thoughts freeze. and I am worried about how I appear and that fear gives it to feed on .As you are person who doesnt bother how people think i guess there was no fear element.But for me its a loop… i fear what if I cannot communicate?Thats the hinderance for my recovery.”

    I think what you have to learn to do is go into situations without thinking about them first. Adopt a so what if I make a fool of myself attitude, I’m not going to care what others think…and don’t avoid any social situations at all, in fact push your into as many as possible for practice… I promise you it get’s easier.

    What you are suffering is a fear that can be overcome.. I’m sure of that. On a phobia website ages ago I read that you need to put yourself into a fearful situation about 15 times for it to disappear, and looking back on my own recovery, I’d say this figure was about right..

  123. Debbie Says:

    Scarlett,

    Thanks for the reply. I am trying to walk at least 3-5 times a week just to improve my overall health. On days where neck and head hurt so much it’s hard to push yourself to get on that treadmill. It’s very cold here right now so walking outside is not an option for me.

    The hardest thing for me to accept with anxiety is that I had to take a step back. I’m used to taking care of my kids and husband, making sure everything is done and taken care of and the way anxiety has made me feel I just can’t be that person right now. It really makes you feel insufficient. It’s just not me to go home and just sleep and for a while that’s all I wanted to do. I feel very blessed to have found this site because when I went to the doctor he just gave me a prescription. He didn’t ask any questions and when I tried to explain he didn’t seem interested. Just like all of you I just wanted to understand what was happening. I’m really looking forward to the arrival of Pauls book. Thanks for all the inspiration.

  124. April Says:

    Hi again, thank you Paul and Candie for the advice above, I have another question though:) I have been doing real well with just accepting and going about my day, I really try not to figure out my thoughts, sometimes I catch myself doing that, anyway my question is, I feel like now that I am really accepting this that the thoughts and thought feelings have come on much harder, not sure if that makes sense, it’s hard to describe. It’s almost like my mind is saying “oh no you don’t, you are going to think about this until you figure it out”, I know that sounds crazy but that is what it feels like. I am at home all day with two kids, the other three are in school, and I feel like I can’t escape my thoughts. It’s hard to get out especially this time of year in the north east(US) and kids being sick and all so I am stuck here all day. I do feel a bit better when my husband comes home because then I can have some adult conversation.
    I just remembered one more question, the kind of thoughts I have are existential type of thoughts, if I were to have had these thoughts ten years ago, I would have laughed them off and gone on with my day, but now they seem real. My question is, does anxiety try to make you think that these thoughts are real and be real convincing, that is what I am struggling with. It feels like all of my thoughts and feelings have been tossed into a hat and someone shook the hat up so that nothing seems to make sense and now I have a real hard time comprehending or grasping things.
    Sorry that got longer than I wanted and hope it hasn’t been addressed before, I have just been having a really bad week, everyone in this house except my husband has had the stomach bug:(
    Thanks so much,
    April

  125. selma Says:

    i have a question maybe for scarlet.

    have been overall doing pretty well considering this is my hardest time of year (winter) and i’m 7 months pregnant! once in a while now esp. when i am overtired or overhungry, i get these very bizarre snip its of thoughts that may be from an old dream or an old memory and it floods me with anxiety and almost a depression as well. it really disturbs me. it’s like there are times when everything i look at or talk about just pulls me in and reminds me of other things. it’s really hard for me to describe. is this a part of anxiety? it really does feel like i am losing it. i try not to pay too much attention to it or analyze but with all i’ve read on here, i haven’t heard anything about that so it makes me feel strange.

    lately my pattern has been about a week or two of solid, anxiety free peace and calm followed by a few terrible days. i guess it’s better than all terrible, right??

  126. Sam Says:

    Thanks Scarlet for the reply and the sites on info. I do think alot about my stomach pains aand loss of appetiate. i am now trapped in this circle. Just when the pains hit its like your body takes a big hit and its hard to go on with your normal life but i try my best. Appetiate gets me too because i use to eat always. Wow this setback is lasting long, fill trapped in it this time. Well will try to accept my symptoms and really cant wait for Paul’s book…

    Sam

  127. JR Says:

    I’ve had this thought that when I get better, I’m still going to feel like this and it bugged me for awhile. I was just sitting here and realized how dumb and FUNNY this thought is!!!!

    Still in tough setback, pulled out Paul’s book last night and read some of the first pages and realized I was going about recovery all wrong again…it’s like I started recovering by accepting then as I started to feel better, I thought I could force full recovery by avoiding and trying to figure it all out. My mind kept saying to me that I’m fully better now even though I still have these feelings and it really tricked me!!!

    It’s really funny looking back now! I’m working late on a graphic design project and it’s starting to look pretty good, or at least I think so.

  128. sasha Says:

    Thanks Scarlet. I shall take your word. and let me try to go into social situations and try to be the coolest.Just try to be in the flow. Let me see how that is..because avoidance or being prejudiced about what will happen is not going to bring any change so let it be head on.I shall let u know if i can say to myself ” do whatever u want i’m not going to give u any importance!!”

  129. Eva Says:

    Hi Candie, Scarlet & HB!

    Hope you are all well!! This blog certainly seems to be really busy these days, which is really good…well done Paul, your post obviously hit the mark with everyone! I just thought I’d post some positive things on my recovery…feeling quite a difference in my every day recovery now which is great, all thanks to everyones advice. As usual the girls were totally right in that i wasnt quite accepting how I felt and kept challenging it, subconciously. Things are really on the up I think, my appetite is back at full force…which for once I’m glad of haha! i’ve had two weeks in a row where I’ve enjoyed my horse riding so much more, I’ve started playing badminton for 2hours of so every week – I actually feel I have the energy to do this which is great. Sleeping is alot better and I’m making sure I socialise alot more, going to the pictures, visiting friends etc. I’m a wee bit annoyed at myself as I turned down 4wks work in Dubai next month, due to how I’m feeling (plus we have a really busy workload)…avoidance I know, but I quickly got over that because I know my body well enough and at this stage it may have set me back a little and I dont want to let my work down. The opportunity will happen again with work though, so something to look forward to!!

    Anyway, just wnted to say thanks for all the advice I received and I will keep going with what i’m doing – it’s strange how suddenly I feel what I’m doing is right, I think Paul mentions that in his book, how even through setbacks he still felt that what he was doing was the correct thing and that kept him going. The way i look at it is that ok I’m still not fully recovered and I have horrid thoughts every day, but my reaction to them has changed. Like a habit, it wont change over night and I’m willing to accept that.

    Happy Days to all

    evax

    P.S. Realised I posted this on the previous blog page…oops!! haha!

  130. JR Says:

    Has anyone ever tried not to have a setback? By that I mean tried to avoid it when you feel it coming on.

    When I have setbacks in recovery I try to remember what brought them on, sometimes I would write it down or just try to remember so I wouldn’t have the same setback again. Sort of learning from my mistakes so to speak (I do this in everyday life, but with anxiety/dp recovery the rules seem different)

    I just realized today that doesn’t work! It also puts pressure on yourself to recover and makes you constantly rake your mind for an answer to your misery.

    I’ve realized that your body and mind NEED to go through each setback, each time to recover. By me jumping in saying “we’ve already been through this and trying to avoid it, we should just accept and go through the setback even when we know it’s rubbish…it’s just our body and mind lagging behind.

    Hope this makes sense.

  131. JR Says:

    eva…that’s great that you’re feeling the benefits of recovery! I know exactly what you mean about just knowing this is the right path to full recovery. Even when I fell awful – deep deep down inside I know this is the correct road.

    sasha…social situations are tough for me as well. I always want to come off as smooth or cool in front of others and you know that’s nearly impossible at times with anxiety. But here’s the deal…when we try to be cool or come across some way it puts loads of pressure on us and this is usually when we struggle socially. What’s funny is my wife has even said that when I try to be cool, is when I’m not cool. It’s when I am just myself, even anxious at times, is when I seem cool and put together.

    Also sasha sometimes I’ll forget what I about to say to people while talking to them, or freeze up…this seems like the absolute end of the world – as Paul says it “I cracked and everyone sees”. That is the anxiety eating at you. What I’ve found is that no one really cares, they have froze up before or been nervous, and people don’t care as much as you think. They move on and won’t even remember.

  132. David Says:

    Hi Scarlet,
    Sorry to keep asking you questions but I promise I will cool it after this one.
    I have what I think is depersonalization but I don’t particularly have serious anxiety issues. Is this possible?
    Also I want to know is if the following symptoms are normal with dp:
    Blank staring, and also when I begin to do physical exercise I get very spaced out with my head spinning almost like I am stoned (even though I haven’t touched recreational drugs for easily two years) . Reading can also spark off this fuzzy dizzy sensation and also reading a book or any type of concentration. Is this due to having a tired mind and using it more. My attention span is very bad as well. This is particularly annoying as like I told you in an earlier post that i have moved back home to the uk after years abroad and i am looking to start a new career here in London.
    Once again thank you for taking the time to reply to me, it is most appreciated.
    ps by the way you mentioned that you live abroad. What country do you live in if you don’t mind me asking?

  133. Candie Says:

    Hey Eva! That is brilliant news, sometimes we just need that little bit of encouragement and then finally things sink in. I started of just like you did, i was really ill. I would litreally be forcing myself to think awful thoughts everyday, i know why i was repetitive now though- i kept thinking over and over hoping i would eventually think a thought and it wouldn’t bother me. It got to the point where i thought i couldnt actually not think the thoughts. Then i started making an effort with my recovery, going places etc. Now i can go without thinking anything repetitive in my head, and go anywhere and not always have my attention on me. Like i went in town with my family today and barely give anxiety a second thought, i wasnt even anxious. Keep at it, you are doing brilliantly… eventually you will get to the stage im at now too :) Don’t let set backs bluff you either, i still have them and each week is a mixture of good and average days- but eventually with time and patience things correct themself as you have took a step back and let them.

  134. Scarlet Says:

    David,

    I’m sure Paul will correct me if I’m wrong, becasue he is the guru on depersonalisation/derealisation, but I have never heard of it being a stand alone condition without anxiety, however I’m sure even with mild anxiety dp can exist, and it can become a habit, you expect it to be there and it is.

    You need to try and stop thinking about it, and accept it as part of you for the moment, the brain fog…just go with it and don’t give it another thought (I know this is hard, but do try). I had dp for a long time and even in the latter stages had periods of numbness… but I learned to ignore the symptoms and get on with ‘normal’ everyday living and accept it as part of ‘me’ for the moment. Try adopting this ‘don’t care if I have it’ attitude and see if you notice a difference in the coming weeks David.

    Selma, Eva back to you soon… it’s bedtime for me and I’m nodding off as I write this… can’t keep my eyes open.

    x

  135. Scarlet Says:

    David just to say I found this on Pauls blog which explains dp in depth, and he says it can affect some people who don’t have necessarily have anxiety, take a look.

    Regards

    S.

    http://anxietynomore.co.uk/blog/?cat=3

  136. Candie Says:

    Hey David- how do you know you dont have anxiety? I still experience been spaced out when my anxiety is mild. I also am the same at the gym even before anxiety as exercise gets your adrenalin pumping and burns calories which can leave you a bit weak and spaced out. People do suffer depersonalisation without anxiety, but it can still be fixed accepting it iexactly like any form of anxiety or depersonalisation. There was an earthquake where i live before i had anxiety and after it i had extreme depersonalisation due to shock. After an accident, death of loved one, war, stressful/traumatic situation it can kick in before we even get a chance to get distressed- as our bodies way to protect us from the major shock or fear. I remember when i couldnt read a book, hold a conversation with college tutors or concentrate on anything- i would watch something on tv and wonder what it was about after it, like my mind couldnt focus on it and absorb the information. I havn’t been that bad in a long time though, just the odd hour every few weeks due to been tired.

  137. Candie Says:

    Well i would just like to congratulate Paul, on winning his bet on big bro! I can not beleive ulrika won! I soooo wanted verne to win bless him!

  138. brian Says:

    Hey guys,
    I don’t post often but regularly keep up with the blog. I had a question about something that happened to me that I wanted to ask. First I have known about this website for about 10 months. For the first 5, I made unbelievable progress. Finally I had been told why I felt like I did and I no longer feared my symptoms. I went through many stages, many ups and downs, and tons of setbacks, which, as people say on here, is how the recovery process usually goes. Whether I felt good or bad, though, I always felt like I was feeling the right way at the time. I looked at the whole thing as a rollercoaster, and as long as I stayed on it, eventually I would reach the place I wanted to be.
    After those 5 months, I had a horrible experience one night with my friends. I started to feel really bad and “not like me” but for some reason instead of trusting that all it was was a setback, I found myself questioning it and thinking that I was doing something wrong. Even when I told myself it was just a setback, I could tell something in me still believed it was something I did. Since that time 5 months have passed and I have yet to feel the same way as I did the first 5 months. I can’t help myself often wondering if I am doing everything right or if since that night I’ve fallen into a wrong thinking pattern or something.
    So I guess my question to anybody is do you think I could have done something wrong in one night that would have completely thrown me off the path I had been on for five months? Or do you think whatever happened was out of my control and that I am still doing everything right? (by that I mean having the right attitude I guess)

  139. Stephen Says:

    Hi scarlet

    going through a minor setback at the moment i think, its certainly doesnt stop me doing what i want to do and just lingering in the background throughing in odd thoughts here and there. I just hate the feeling i get that i cant explain like im going to crack, go insane at any moment like its such a strange feeling and it comes when i get anxious about a thought or something. suppose its more of a strange feeling. Had some really good days so far this year and better weeks then i have had for ahwiile. But in a set back i seem to forget the good moments i’ve had and feel like i wont get better and stuck with this forever. But going through grey days and pink days i actually believe you know when you say once you’re fully recovered you can’t really have anxiety anymore as nothing bothers you. In my pink days very little bothers me and i can see it works. but in saying that anxiety is a normal reaction that we need and ofcourse we will still feel it in stressful or dangerious situations.

    I just hate the thoughts that i might crack and hurt someone or myself. they dont upset me as much these days as i am de-sensatising to them but i still hate hearing anything relating to mental illnesses, mental hospitals ect. it really gets me anxious. I suppose when your on the look out for any changes in your body, thought patterns or anything that might indicate you’re fear, such as going insane you worry about normal thoughts and feelings not just the anxiety related ones. well hopefully this setback doesnt linger too long, but will give it all the time it needs lol. i can’t wait to get to the stage where nothing botheres me about mental illness and anxiety like i was before, it must be a very good feeling.

    Oz is very sunny and hot scarlet, thank goodness for airconditioning! lol
    Stephen

  140. Candie Says:

    Brian, i think you came really far in your recovery- felt threatened by a thought of how you felt, and maybe your attitude changed to fear the feelings again. A new symptom can often alarm us and set us back. You havn’t lost what you learnt though, re-read all the info and apply the right attitude again and you will be back on track in no time. The amount of time we have all had to pick ourselfs up and dust ourselfs of after a set back on here- but we become stronger for it. Scarlet mensioned she had one that lasted about 3 months before, yet she reached full recovery. Sometimes we have to experience the worst in order to understand it and come far in our recoveries.

    Stephen, you seem to have a sensitized perception that people with mental illnesses harm people. The fact is yes it happens, but people who are mentally healthy harm people too- yet you wouldnt worry about been ‘normal’ in fear of doing something crazy would you? By the way, you are not going to go mad- a person going mad dont even know it. It is well documented anxiety brings fears of losing control- we are so tense and on edge we imagine the worst in everything yet it never happens does it? We where infact bluffed! A set back will convince you that you are back to square one and doomed, but its not true- it never is… we also worry and are more irrational during them, but it passes and we understand more as we come through.

  141. Eva Says:

    I’m with Paul on the bb voting!! I really wanted Ulrika to win, was really pleased for her. Did you hear her saying that she didnt want to stay in the house herself incase she had a panic attack? Seems anxiety is infact everywhere!!

  142. Ben Says:

    Just thought I’d do a quick post with an update…

    After a really rubbish time over christmas I have spent the past few weeks really making some big changes to my life, i.e. exercise, eating better and of course accepting the way I feel. Anyway the past week and half have been great, loads of the symptoms gone and feeling good and positive. Everytime a stupid thought came into my head I’d just accept its there and then ignore it accordingly no matter what it was rather than give it meaning/analyse it etc… This has all been great until for some strange reason I started worrying about the fact I wasn’t feeling anxious anymore (anyone else done this ???) and guess what… a setback!

    Anyway, I’m going to welcome this setback as it means I obviously made some progress for me to notice that I feel bad again if that makes sense and just get on with my day (even though it feels harder)…

  143. Paul David Says:

    Candie I did not back Ulrika, I backed her NOT to win so it was a terrible result for me, I have no idea where the votes came from but I think that is me done with backing reality shows, very unpredicatable. By the way Candie it is ready, you have an email.

    I have not posted in a while and have noticed some new faces. Welcome to anyone who is new to the blog and I hope you find the help and support very helpful. I will be putting a post up on Monday, just a quick one with a little info and also info on my up and coming run as I have set my charity page up now and I am full steam ahead with my training.

  144. Candie Says:

    lol my bad! Sorry Paul. I think it was a fix, she was paid the most to go on there too- she was self righteous and irritating!

    Nap time for me now, pregnancy can be very tiring!

  145. David Says:

    Hi Candie,
    I do suffer from anxiety but I wouldn’t say that it is severe. I wake up some mornings with a feeling of fear with my heart pumping and a feeling of panic but not everyday. My main problem is this kind of mist, blank staring and spaced out feeling that I get everyday. I can sympathize with you when you say about the reading a book and speaking to people. Sometimes reading a book can become a fight where all the words become a blur even though I have had my eyes tested and I have been told that they are ok. This also happens like you had when speaking to people or concentrating on something. I must admit that it is quite sporadic as well. Many be having too much time on my hands dosen’t help the situation. Its just a lack of mental clarity. Also the stiffness in my forehead. By the way, did yours start suddenly one day or did it come bit by bit?
    Good hearing from you

  146. lisa Says:

    hi ben,i wouldnt worry too much.your so used to having the anxiety but now its fading you were worrying where has it gone.i was the same,i even posted on here to say when its going i miss it.its a habit thats all,just let it come and go,fill your life with other things and you wont miss it. got my own little setback at the moment,i cant go into detail but i no it will be sorted.iv cried bucket fulls,been up and down but once its sorted i know now how to accept and move on without the anxiety being a problem.we are so used to having it here,but when it starts going we become lost.paul once said to me its like coming out of prison after serving a long sentence,you never forget it, but it bothers you less.i cant say iv liked having this condition but im a hell of alot stronger person for going through it. thank you candie for your support at the moment :-) xxx

  147. Candie Says:

    Hi David

    I cant pin point when i first felt it, mainly as i was so wrapped up in my thoughts to worry over DP. I do know though that it wasnt my scariest symptom, so i didnt panic over it then it went on its own accord. I have never really suffered from this as i wasnt aware of it at the time if you get what i mean. Its nothing serious, all anxiety is only as serious as you perceive it. I do know though you can suffer DP even when you have mild anxiety, you dont have to be really bad to get it.

  148. Scarlet Says:

    Hi David,

    Like Candie my scariest symptom wasn’t the DP, it was the obsessive thoughts, so to be honest I didn’t worry too much about it and it disappeared in time.. I was aware of it, felt like I was living in a dream world most of the time, and the world didn’t feel real to me either, like I was a step out of sync with the rest of the folks…

    Even if you don’t have severe anxiety like most of us have David, the way to get rid of DP is the same principle, give it no weight, live with it and try to forget about it, say to yourself…OK brain fog I’m gonna live with you for the time being, and don’t feel the need to analyse it any more than that.

    Lisa,

    Huge hugs xxxxx

    This was a quickie, just about to watch the evening movie (Grudge 2), Selma and Eva, Stephen promise I’ll be back to you shortly.

  149. James Says:

    My GAD began in a period of stress although i have had health anxiety for as long as i can remember. My recovery was going well until i heard that recreational drugs can cause people permanent mental illness, years after use. I stopped using drugs a long time ago but now i feel like i have caused my anxiety and that it is irreversible. This is unbelievably depressing and makes me feel so low. The thoughts are with me all the time and they increase my depersonalisation.
    I feel that had i not used drugs i would not be in this position but because i have used them i cannot recover, as if my brain is permanently altered. I am so scared about my future.

  150. Ben Says:

    Hi Lisa,

    Yeah, it’s a weird feeling tbh, almost like there is a gap where there used to be something. I suppose we spend so much time worrying about this it is understandable.

    Anyway, I’m just saying “bring it on” to this set back, not going to let it stop me from doing stuff. I’ve made that mistake before and gone off in search of answers and worry etc etc and this just made it worse.

    Paul – how is the running training going ? I’m going to do a few 10ks this year and have started training also… I don’t know if you have seen the garmin forerunner devices but they are excellent for training. You can see exactly how far you have run (due to the GPS device) and your pace, so you can aim for a specific time. In addition, when you get back you can upload it to google maps and see how your heart rate changed along the way… fascinating in a geeky sort of way!

  151. Paul David Says:

    Anyway, I’m just saying “bring it on” to this set back, not going to let it stop me from doing stuff. I’ve made that mistake before and gone off in search of answers and worry etc etc and this just made it worse.

    Ben first of all, huge applause for that statement above, EXACTLY the attitude you need instead of saying ‘How do I get rid of this symptom’ well done and it shows you are getting the message and I could not have given you better advice than you have given yourself.

    The run Ben……6 months ago I could not run 50 yards without stopping, a lot of my work is on the computer and I just abused my body through bad eating and no exercise. Six months on and I am now running 4 miles no problem and to be honest it is the best thing I ever did and you know my anxiety training was what got me through. I had to go through some very testing times to get where I am now and it was the same with the fitness, I had to go through the bad times to reach the point where I was fit enough to actually enjoy it, it would not come over night. I am also playing squash and 5 a side which helps, varity with fitness is important. The main thing is though that I love being fit, I sleep better, I feel better and I just want to be active and on the go.

    I have not heard of the garmin forerunner, I am just still learning my trade. I know one thing, I went running 4 days on the trot last week and over did it, my legs felt like lead, so couple of days off until Monday.

  152. brian Says:

    Hey Candie thanks for replying. I am feeling much better and much more like I did those first 5 months now. I’m still not completely sure what happened over the past 5 months – it definitely might have had something to do with me going back to college for my second year. But since I came home for christmas break I have started to feel so much better. I really don’t think I am doing anything different now than what I was doing when I felt so bad over the past 5 months. I think my nerves have just calmed down.

    You know after you have been familiar with this website for a long period of time, it’s pretty hard to not do the right thing. I think when people come on here and complain about their symptoms, they think they are doing something wrong when 9 times out of 10 they’re not doing anything wrong, they just have sensitized nerves and need to let time pass. Would you say that’s right?

  153. diane Says:

    hi paul/candie
    i have been following the blog for a long time and all advice given has been a god-send. i now have good and bad days and am eventually on the road to recovery. thanks for all your support.
    there is just one thing i need help on. my anxiety still attacks me during my sleep, i have night terrors and wake up with marks and red blotches on chest and body, and feeling more anxious than ever. This has been happening for about a year now but recently i just discovered am currently pregnant in first trimester in which i am over-joyed, but am worried bout the baby in my sleep. do you have any advice cos i feel its something thats out of my control when im asleep. thanks in advance for any advice its greatly appreciated

  154. Ben Says:

    Paul,

    The set backs are indeed a weird thing, I instinctively found myself nearly going back to my old ways (looking on forums, self pity, wondering if I should see the doc etc) until I took a step back and realised I was in danger of fighting it again. In a strange sort of way it was nice to have one as it proved to me that I had made progress.

    It is interesting the parallels that you draw between exercise and anxiety. I was the same as you, eat badly, no exercise (and work behind a computer) so when I went for my first run I did 0.5k and felt dead. At no point did I start worrying about it as I knew that it takes time to get the body in shape to go further (i.e. the results don’t come over night)… I can now do 6-7k no problem and actively enjoy my exercise.

    I can honestly say exercise whilst not being a magic cure has had a dramatic effect on my anxiety… It seems to get a rid of a lot of that built up adrenalin but also gives your mind something positive to focus on (i.e. how can I get my 10k time down, can I do that extra rep on the bench press etc). I simply cannot feel anxious whilst exercising as I’m so involved in something else!

    Anyway, here is the link to the garmin thing I was telling you about

    http://www.amazon.co.uk/Garmin-Forerunner-405-HRM-stick/dp/B0012XO4R4/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=watch&qid=1232889056&sr=8-1

    There are cheaper models that do the same also. On race day you’ll loads of people with things like this on… (not that its essential – its just handy to be able to track your pace if you say are aiming for a certain time).

    Ben.

  155. selma Says:

    hi scarlet,
    i know your busy…any chance of getting back to me on my above post?

    also, anyone ever had a dream where they are depressed in their dream and can’t get out of it? it’s very very scary. i feel like my days are getting better but during my dreams at night…i am reliving all of the scary feelings all over again!

  156. samantha Says:

    hi selm

    in response to your post yes i understand what you are saying because i have had the same happen to me

    i just think of my mind being a filing cabinet and every now and then old memories / dreams come to the forefront i just let them go now i was like you and got anxious when this happened but not now i was in fact quite scared when it happened thinking there was something really wrong with me but now i just let them float in and out

    hope this has helped selma

    samantha x

  157. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Selma,

    Sorry I took a while to answer hun. I remember having dreams where I felt I had recovered from depression and was telling everyone how I’d recovered so quickly (it was so vivid, I felt it was true), then when I woke up it wasn’t, and I was so distressed about it. I also had weird and unpleasant dreams about my unborn baby (I had anxiety/depression during pregnancy)… in fact I had some very strange dreams, but now I look back I realise it was pregnancy + my state of mind that were causing these dreams and nothing really to be concerned about. Your dreams are more vivid during pregnancy, it’s totally normal, due to hormones, and also frequent waking to go to the loo, as well as the anxiety.. Also I’d say it’s perfectly normal to have dreams about depression and being afraid of being like this forever in your dreams, especially if it’s on your mind before you go to sleep.

    “i have a question maybe for scarlet.
    have been overall doing pretty well considering this is my hardest time of year (winter) and i’m 7 months pregnant! once in a while now esp. when i am overtired or overhungry, i get these very bizarre snip its of thoughts that may be from an old dream or an old memory and it floods me with anxiety and almost a depression as well. it really disturbs me. it’s like there are times when everything i look at or talk about just pulls me in and reminds me of other things. it’s really hard for me to describe. is this a part of anxiety? it really does feel like i am losing it. i try not to pay too much attention to it or analyze but with all i’ve read on here, i haven’t heard anything about that so it makes me feel strange.”

    When you have negative thoughts of any nature, you are like a magnet for other negative thoughts. Likewise with the snippets of thoughts from past dreams/memories and this occurs more when you are overtired, which is understandable. You are overanalysing way too much Selma. Like all thoughts of this nature, you need to learn to accept them as irrational and not take them any further, not try to rationalise thoughs like this, they have no hidden meaning. Try not to get yourself overtired, find something that relaxes you before bedtime… a bit of music perhaps, reading a book, movie, anything to take your mind off your thoughts and get you relaxed before you sleep. I think you will notice a difference with these types of dreams after your baby is born.

    xx

  158. Candie Says:

    Hey Selma, Scarlet

    I can vouch for the pregnancy dreams! Its a well known thing with pregnancy, iv had allsorts of weird bizzare dreams lol. Dreams about my baby been born obese and it had the hugest head… in my dream i couldnt bring myself to love it because of the fact it looked like an older baby… weird eh! Didnt worry me though, friends have told me allsorts of odd dreams they had when pregnant. Also, you can dream more vividly about anxiety etc when pregnant- its only your subcontious mind creating dreams about feelings or thoughts. You are not depressed in your sleep, same as if i have a dream about losing a family member… i wake up feeling upset for a few seconds then realise it was just a dream. If you go around trying to cure the subcontious mind from these dreams you will make yourself worse. Just leave them be.

  159. brett m Says:

    hi everyone, what a great, positive site this is I have been looking for answers for my dp for about 15 years and to no avail. i think with this site I might finally see recovery but I have a hurdle I need to get over Paul you mentioned in your book that your dp come on slowly , mine come on over night after taking lsd and it was a very scary, horrible experience After that night i thought I recieved brain damage and since then I have seen many doctors saying its anxiety My problem is I think after these years the dp is too deep seated and I will never see it go just wondering if any body has any thoughts on this
    Thanks Brett

  160. LORRYT Says:

    hi

    just flagging a bit today, cant believe how long it takes for your brain to get out of bad habits. i guess i shouldnt really be thinking this way, but after reading stories of peoples recovery over short amounts of time, i think i must be doing sommit wrong !. i havent reverted back to the meds or a quick fix as i know im on the right road but some times it just feels like i am hitting my head against a brick wall. Not so much a stumbling block , just no progress. as im typing i am reading and im on the ‘do’ again arent i rather than the not do . i guess thats why my head has been on the spin for the past week , like a pressure headache, grabbing hold of thoughts etc. just plod on and i will achieve something eventually!!!!

    have a good day all

  161. lisa Says:

    hi brett,your paying too much respect to your dp,let it be ,it will go when it is ready..so what if its there should be your attitude.your just aware of it thats all,it does go when your not paying attention to it.lorry, your doing well, look back at your posts from 3 months ago to where you are now, and you have to tell yourself how far you have come. your watching yourself,your wondering when its going to all go away,so yes youv answered your own question about your “doing” again.we all do its natural but then carry on like you have been doing.pay it no mind lorry.you say you will achieve something eventually so your trying again,dont try it will come by itself its your attitude thats all,praise yourself,you no how well your doing.scarlet,big hug recieved thank you xxx :-)

  162. Paul David Says:

    That’s a good way of looking at it Samantha. I used to have what I called ‘anxiety’ dreams, my whole day playing out in front of me, my anxiety concerns or worries being manifested in my dreams. I paid it no extra concern and when I improved and took more interest in other things, my dreams went back to being about random things.

    Ben you say………I can honestly say exercise whilst not being a magic cure has had a dramatic effect on my anxiety… It seems to get a rid of a lot of that built up adrenalin but also gives your mind something positive to focus on (i.e. how can I get my 10k time down, can I do that extra rep on the bench press etc). I simply cannot feel anxious whilst exercising as I’m so involved in something else!

    Ben it really helped me immensly, it gave me everything I needed, a goal, I burnt of excess adrenalin, it gave me a new focus, I was bike riding, walking, swimming, football, I loved it, I felt better, I was more positive and my social life took a massive boost. But then slacked off and lost all my fitness and I refuse to lose it this time around. As you say its not the whole answer, but it took me to a new level.

    Brett I had D.P for years, only because I had no idea how to help myself. I have mentioned this before, but will do so again.

    I developed D.P as my body wanted to protect me from all the worry and stress I was putting my body under, so it shut down all my emotions, its like running on fumes. What it is saying is ‘When you stop worrrying stressing/obsessing everyday then I will let go and I will not be needed. But then I worried about this new symptom, boy it scared the hell out of me, I worried about it, tried to figure a way out, stressed about it, this onslaught was 7 days a week/365 days a year. Now the only time it did improve was the day I understood that my DP would never leave while I was so concerned about it, my body if it could talk would say ‘Paul I have shut your emotions down as I can’t work under all that stress and worry, yet you are doing it more than before’ the DP then would get worse as it would feel the need to shut down even furthur.

    Brett it matters not how long you have suffered, I am living proof of that, its just your attitude towards it that needs to change.

    Paul

  163. samantha Says:

    hi also

    on the subject of weird dreams i was told having them is a good thing its your minds way of cakming it self down that took a lot of worry away for me and i dont generally have weird ones now

    samantha x

  164. john s Says:

    Hi, just a quick post. I have had a bit of a setback last couple of days but i think thats because i was coping better and then expected things to keep improving which led me to checking in abit on my DP and how i was feeling. Very naive of me! I said be patient in my last post but hey ho, i must of forgot! Anyway I’ll get back to accepting and allowing and not fighting. One question I wanted to ask though was how do you know you dont want do something because of anxiety/DP or because you just don’t actually want to do it? I haven’t been out in town on a night out in a long time which I used to do regulary and I keep declining invites. Im jsu a bit confused as to why I dont want to go. My girlfriend is getting a bit ticked off with me not going out! She’s still lovely though! Any reply’sd on this would be greatly appreciated. Hope everyone is coping well.
    Thanks
    John S

  165. LORRYT Says:

    LISA

    I guess i am being hard on myself , my attitude has changed which is the major thing. its tougher than i thought it was gonna be and slow too! but im still pushing onwards and upwards. mind you i have never been very good at accepting praise ,i am quite tough on me , which is probably half the problem !

    ohh well, we are all here for each other thank goodnessxxx

  166. lisa Says:

    lorry,its like looking in the pot in your broken leg and saying”are you mended yet”??the more you praise yourself the better you feel. john s i was the same i turned down nights out,cinema with the kids, parents evenings at school and it was all because how i felt.it was no good thinking il go next week or next year when this has gone, i had to think right iv got anxiety but you no what you can come with me,im going to parents evening,im going shopping, im going for a night out, sod it..now look what that does it puts you back in control and not the anxiety in control of you! i cant stay in now,go anyway, do anything, even karaoke nights up town now..but wont sing to you..lol.. remember what paul said you need to live your life and not let how you feel dominate your life or dont let them bluff you..so get your gear on and get back out on your nights out :-)

  167. Stephen Says:

    Hey scarlet

    The thoughts in this ‘setback’ which i mentioned in my last post thing are my main concern at the moment. Like i get these quick thoughts that come in like what if i did something really horrible to someone, including saying something really crule or horrible to them. Like in a setback period i only have to be cutting something up with a knife in the kitchen and the thoughts start like what if i cut my self ect. I know i would never do it but it ceates a huge rush of anxiety and i feel crap. Going through some other stresses now which are not helping at all, non anxiety one as our 12 year old boarder collie dog has been in the animal hosptial for 3 days now with acute pancreatitis. so really tense waiting on the outcome as he hasnt really improved all that much. Just another question is it normal for very anxious people to almost see things out the corner of their eyes which arent there or like flashes of light. i know it must sound weird. i remember it being discussed on here a while ago so just checking..

    Stephen

  168. brett m Says:

    thanks lisa and paul, you are so very helpful so now im just going to sit back relax and enjoy my familys company for the night It is the first time in ages I have had hope ,that in itself is very comforting

  169. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Stephen,

    “The thoughts in this ’setback’ which i mentioned in my last post thing are my main concern at the moment. Like i get these quick thoughts that come in like what if i did something really horrible to someone, including saying something really crule or horrible to them. Like in a setback period i only have to be cutting something up with a knife in the kitchen and the thoughts start like what if i cut my self ect. I know i would never do it but it ceates a huge rush of anxiety and i feel crap.

    I know exactly what you mean as I felt the same. You need to face your fears. You will not hurt anyone else, nor yourself… it’s thoughts that’s all, and thoughts are not actions. Make sure you don’t avoid doing things because of your thoughts, don’t hide knives away etc… I know some people who have done this, but this is not the way to recover. IF YOU FEAR SOMETHING, DO MORE OF IT…. a sure way for the anxiety to go.

    “Going through some other stresses now which are not helping at all, non anxiety one as our 12 year old boarder collie dog has been in the animal hosptial for 3 days now with acute pancreatitis. so really tense waiting on the outcome as he hasnt really improved all that much. Just another question is it normal for very anxious people to almost see things out the corner of their eyes which arent there or like flashes of light. i know it must sound weird. i remember it being discussed on here a while ago so just checking..”

    It’s understandable you are anxious due to your dog being ill… so just go with it and accept that you are under stress. I promise you thoughts of this nature will go. My thoughts centered around harming my baby, which is what a lot of women with PND suffer from, it was horrendous…. but I no longer have thoughts like this, becasue I battled through despite the thoughts, as I had no choice…. which is what you have to do, and you will do it.

    With regards to the seeing of things out of the corner of your eyes, yes it’s normal. The more you think about it the more you will believe you are seeing these things as well, becasue you are watching yourself all the time. You need to accept it as normal and not focus on it any more.

  170. Scarlet Says:

    …. and also meant to say Stephen, hope your dog gets well again. I know this must be a difficult time for you. x

  171. sasha Says:

    Hi Scarlet & Candie

    I have been doing ok since past few days as u gave me that positive boost that i too can get over it..”if u are scared of something do it 15 times and u will get over it”.i have told u before that my problem was in communicating. But i just went ahead and just practised what u said even when u feel crap inside u be happy outside faking it that was better because u can take your mind off from what people are thinking because u appear happy in front of them.anyway thanks for the good days i had..

    Candie had given me that strong belief that recovery.. 100% is possible and once u attain that u wont relapse because by then ur mind had got used to these ups and downs and knows how to accomaodate in difficult situations . These bits of information and tips gives a lot of positive hope and faith to the people out there who is suffering and that faith gives them the hope to move forward in their life. That things can be changed as its all a tired and negative minset created within our mind because we r sensitised so a change in attittute can be brought in by giving positive thoughts and faith and assurance that everything will get back to normal in due course…

    Thanks to both of u once again…Cheers…

  172. sasha Says:

    Hi,

    If people who have recovered from this can post in here their stories of recovery it would be great for the people who are waiting to recover…
    We know as Paul had told us just not to give attention to the odd feelings and to focus our mind on other things .Its the right way to recovery.
    But when we get to read more positive posts on recovery ur mind becomes more positive and it makes u feel good ,thinking that even u will attain full recovery one day free from all anxious thoughts…and that faith alone will bring u to recovery. People feeling a lot better after going through Paul’s book willl be so many!!!

    When many people write in u tend to think its much easier .its all about the subconscious mind playing tricks on ur sensitised mind making u believe that what u feel is the reality. i am so eager to hear positive things :)

    i still remember Paul saying that he became more confident than how he was before this dreadful thing came along…that was a good news!!!Thanks to Paul once again .If I am to assess myself then I have reached 60% of my recovery!

  173. Scarlet Says:

    Well done Sasha, you are on the right track :-) .. and yes when you reach full recovery, you will never go back, becasue you have weathered the storm and like Paul said you know what got you there in the first place, and you know what got you out again, the fear factor disappears completely. This is why I think this method is far superior than quick fixes such as “some” experience with ADs, the fear never disappears completely for them, and they are prone to relapses… With Pauls method, there will be no relapses as it’s based on education and acceptance.

    I agree about the recovery stories, it’s always good to hear from those who have recovered, helped me enormously to read them when I was suffering.

  174. Candie Says:

    Hey Stephen

    Your thoughts are exactly like the ones iv had, a setback bring a higher level of anxiety so we are at a disposition to worry over them.. unlike a non anxious mind. I used to have lots and lots of thoughts panicking that i felt i was going to say something hurtful to someone, for a year thats all the went through my mind because one night i thought the thought and i over reacted. Now the thoughts dont run through my mind anymore, occasionally in a setback i will think of the what ifs- but you do reach a stage where you realise you where over reacting and the thoughts hold no truth. Yes it is normal for seeing things out of the corner of your eye, infact people without anxiety have it, its dust, eye floaters and reflections on your eye of light etc- with anxiety we tend to panic thinking we are losing it though, which isnt true!

  175. Candie Says:

    Hi Selma, glad what i said helped- you will find out for yourself though that its true… once you recover from aspects of your anxiety your new habits write out your only ones.

  176. LORRYT Says:

    hi all

    my head is still pounding and im thinking is it the anxiety?, feel giddy when i get up, quite intense. i think i may get it checked out. anyone else experienced this, its quite disorientating?… never had it like this before been about a week now. or am i just looking into every symptom i get ?.

    sorry , but its quite strange.
    lorryt

  177. lisa Says:

    no problem brett,just go out no matter what or how you feel :-)

  178. john s Says:

    thanks Lisa, im going into town tonight. Might be hard but so what i guess. In time it will get easier. Thanks for replying

  179. Ben Says:

    I think handling the setbacks are definitely one of the keys areas to recovery. As Paul says i his book (well I think he does!) it is hard because you have tasted freedom and then you are back where you were before which can be very demoralising. I felt rubbish towards the end of last week and despite it being hard I took the attitude Paul suggests and just said “bring it on” – I couldn’t care less any more, I’m not letting it get me into a negative loop again and just got on with my weekend (feeling bad). Today I feel miles better… who knows, tomorrow I may feel crap again but I AM having good days which to me says something is working.

    “my head is still pounding and im thinking is it the anxiety?, feel giddy when i get up, quite intense. i think i may get it checked out. anyone else experienced this, its quite disorientating?… never had it like this before been about a week now. or am i just looking into every symptom i get ?.” – Personally I think you are probably looking at each symptom (although I’m no medical professional) way to much and giving it too much meaning. Paul says about not trying to distinguish all the physical symptoms, just group them under anxiety and accept them. I wasted ages analysing mine, seeing people about them etc and all along they are just anxiety trying to get out in different ways. All through this process you are giving them meaning and then making them worse I found. I remember looking on the other anxiety forums (don’t recommend this as they are just a negative place to be honest) and you will find millions of people talking about really bizarre physical symptoms and analysing them in depth and getting nowhere in their recovery. It just goes to show what a weird thing this can be and how it can generate some truly strange physical symptoms.

    Another good thing I have found, other than exercise (can’t recommend this enough) is just simplifying my approach to dealing with my anxiety. My approach to this now is to no longer let it be all consuming (because it really can be)… I just use pauls’s approach and check in on this blog now and again. Other than that it simply doesn’t deserve any more of my time…. no matter how awful I feel.

    Ben.

  180. lisa Says:

    go gor it john, so what if you feel rubbish, just keep doing it, whether its to the shop for a paper, the pub for half a lager..blue wkd for me..lol a walk around asda or browsing in shops, let it come let it go, i promise it does get easier thats how your habits change. iv got parents evening next week im so looking forward to it, nothing holds me back now. :-)

  181. lisa Says:

    i meant go for it john my keys keep sticking grrr :-)

  182. Candie Says:

    Hey Ben, your going to be just fine with that attitude :)

    Never judge your recovery on how you think or feel, but on how you react to them(mental attitude). The transition in recovery is so slow at first its silly to expect anything of yourself as it happens so gradually you dont notice it half the time untill you have a setback!

  183. Ben Says:

    Cheers Candie – it took me a while to realise it, but I think I’m on the right track now! Just got to sit back and go with the flow now… It’s good to see some people on here too that have made or are well on their way to recovery – makes it such a positive place to be.

    It’s right what you say about not noticing your recovery until you have a set back. I think some people have this vision (I know I did) of this amazing day when it has all lifted and they’re not anxious anymore. I honestly don’t think it will be like this when I am fully over it. I think (and I may be wrong here) that you won’t even really notice because it has ceased to be important and you are getting on with your life.

  184. Natalie Says:

    Hello everyone

    I’ve not had a bad couple of months with my anxiety, i’m dipping in and out of setbacks, though i’m handling them a lot better and feel a bit more in control now!
    Although over the last week I have been feeling rather unwell with a virus/ flu, it’s making me feel very weak, and it is heightening my anxiety.

    2 years ago i came down with a similar illness, which struck me very bad, i was off work for months, very weak and this is when i began experiencing anxiety.

    I’m just in a panic now as i’m worried that my illness now is going to lead me back to where i was before with feeling weak for months on end and make my anxiety bad again. I’m so scared.

    I have really been starting to feel good over the last couple of months, starting to see glimmers of my old self again. And now this flu thing hits me, and i’m feeling like i’ve gone around in a big circle and it’s going to happen all over again.

    I’ve totally sinned as well by having a massive feast on google and starting to worry further that i might be developing ME.
    I can’t work out if the way i’m feeling is just my flu or if my anxious and depressive thinking is me more weak. I’m thinking the worst, thinking that i’ll be ill for as long as i was last time. And this thinking pattern really isn’t helping me to recover. I think i just need some reasurance

    I hope everyone is having a more fruitful day than i!

  185. Paul David Says:

    I’m just in a panic now as i’m worried that my illness now is going to lead me back to where i was before with feeling weak for months on end and make my anxiety bad again. I’m so scared.

    I have really been starting to feel good over the last couple of months, starting to see glimmers of my old self again. And now this flu thing hits me, and i’m feeling like i’ve gone around in a big circle and it’s going to happen all over again.

    I’ve totally sinned as well by having a massive feast on google and starting to worry further that i might be developing ME.

    Natalie, I will be pretty blunt and that’s not for the sake of being blunt, its because I want to get a point across here as its very important. I think you have basically answered your own question and if any anxiety returned, then it would be of your own making, how many worries have you stated above?

    I will tell you exactly what to do and then please take it on board, don’t be one of those people who asks something and thinks, nah that’s not want I want to hear and then ask the same question again hoping for a different answer.

    Right if your anxiety came back, then worrying would not stop it, your anxiety will up and down anyway so you have to let your body go where it wants, if it wants a bad day, then let it have one, whatever you do DON’T waste time worrying about it, as I said above if you want to worry your way back to feeling bad, then you are going the right way about it.

    I keep saying that we stay in the cycle because we do everything wrong. You will find that the people who have come so far and now offer their own help and support would never worry for one minute how they felt, they are passed that, they have changed that cycle, they understand just how counter productive it is.

    If I had the same fears about anxiety coming back I would give it a free reign to do so, when I was far better educated on the subject I allowed any fears to develop, the thing is when I allowed them, they never did, what fear or worry did they have to feed on? I would say ‘if you want to come back then please do so’, I don’t care’.

    The last thing I would do is worry and watch for it doing so, I wasted too many years doing that and getting worse. Go towards any fears you have, allow any fears to happen and release that grip on yourself. You have posted because you feel awful at the moment and your post tells me why, you have put yourself into a state over nothing that you can control. You may have good days, you may have bad days, but allow yourself to feel any way, don’t see anxiety as a big monstor trying to engulf you. If I felt like you tomorrow, exactly the same symptoms I would not care, I would probably feel awful, but I would just go with it and pay it no respect, I would just get on with living. Way into my recovery I had some real awful days, but I just soildered on, never trying to ‘right’ myself and that is where people go wrong and where the googling and worrying starts, because they try to ‘fix’ themselves, instead of just allowing themselves to feel ‘out of it’ , ‘anxious’ and that includes anxious thinking.

    Where as you would worry all day, your anxiety would increase, because of this it would be, ‘wow now I feel worse’, I must get a grip of this thing, o.k now to google, no answers there that make me feel better, then you would try and figure your own way out, trying to think and fight your way out of how you were feeling, more thinking, more worrying, more stress. Who would feel worse come the end of the day, who would have given thier body a break and who would have thrashed it all day and stayed in the cycle of anxiety.

    I am not saying its easy at times, but its the change in attitude to how you feel that will help you so much. Anxiety is not an illness, its a condition, a condition that you have a choice over, you can either let it run your life for you or you can begin to live along side it for the time being, Natalie that is always your choice. What I tell you comes from someone who spent years getting worse because I did exactly what you are doing, I could never recover through worrying about how I felt 24/7, I had to change this cycle.

    This is the reason I post what I do as I don’t want people to suffer like I did. I could reassure people all day and just say a few words, but what good would that do. If you reassure someone with each seperate symptom, then they will only come back with another the day after, we must treat all symptoms the same, whatever they are, its konwledge and a shift in attitude that brings results. The reason why my own symptoms would get no respect tomorrow if they returned is because I understand why I feel like I do and how not to fall into a cycle, this is the reason that ex anxiety sufferers are far more immune to suffering again than someone who has not. I can confidently say I could never suffer again, as I know what got me to that hole in the first place and I would never go down that road again.

    So lets start by NOT trying to figure out if its flu or anxious thinking that is making you weak, I bet you have wasted a few hours on that one. Natalie its not important, so tomorrow if you feel anxious, then you do, if your mind seems to chatter loads of anxious thoughts, then let it, but don’t take them seriously, if you have fears about getting worse, allow yourself to, don’t worry about it. Just take that advice and by the end of the week you may feel a lot better.

    I really hope that helps you.

    Paul

  186. sasha Says:

    Thanks Paul for your wonderful post..Its motivating and gives us the right information to recovery!!

    Thanks to Scarlet once again as I’m just going ahead in my communication with others…as u said ..i feel better each time…now its the other way round..when i see someone i make an effort to talk rather than run away from it!!

    Dont know how long i will feel this energy…If i go back i’ll take few more positive words from u .

  187. Natalie Says:

    Paul,

    Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to my post.

    I know your completely right and i’m going to do as you said. Looking back at my post now, i realise that my attitude was all wrong.

    My anxiety has always manifested itself on the subject of health. Any pain i’ve had i’ve always thought the worst, like i’ve got something terminal. I have even paniced endlessly about having a minor cold. I think it’s the fear of getting ill or fear of loosing aspects of my life due to illness.

    Although i’m very poorly now with some bug thing, i’m just not going to care anymore. It can do it’s best i’m not bothered anymore.

  188. Nicole Says:

    Just a quick question and thanks to Paul for such heplful words once again.
    I have made some small changes in lifestyle like running, meditating and have taken some self interest courses besides working full-time. But due to time and family obligations, I can not always make a habit of indulging in the things that I have determined to be helpful in my recovery.
    I have a concern that in not being able to do the things that fulfill me, which is part of the reason I think I developed the anxiety, am I making myself vulnerable to ‘it’ again? I think that I know the answer here as I am giving power over to activities and work to make me happy and creating worry about not being able to do the fun stuff which creates more anxiety. Then the loop starts. Sorry if this does not make any sense. I guess that I am worried about not being able to keep up with the changes that I have made and if I fall back into my old ways will this lead me back to beginning of anxiety? Blah, blah, blah, sounds kind of ridiculous! Does anyone else experience the same?

  189. Paul David Says:

    Sahsh says: Thanks to Scarlet once again as I’m just going ahead in my communication with others…as u said ..i feel better each time…now its the other way round..when i see someone i make an effort to talk rather than run away from it!!

    Sasha that’s a better attitude, I used to run away from conversations and it was hard because I made such a big deal of it, would I run away for ever, yes I would have and got nowhere, so I did as you say and actually went towards them I did not always engage great at times, but in time it became so much easier.

    Natalie, its not you that always thinks you have health issues, its your anxiety that makes you believe it. Don’t listen to that silly voice, just move on with your day. Anxiety is adrenalin on tired nerves, adrenalin needs an escape and manifests itself into scary thoughts at times, it made me believe the worst until I began to seperate these thoughts from reality and just see it as anxiety playing its tricks. Do I get any now? Not a single one, because I no longer have anxiety, no adrenalin to feed them. So please do as you say, pay these adrenlin based thoughts no respect, stop caring, don’t see them as reality as there not, stay away from that damn google and just hang around here, things will fall into place I promise you.

    Paul

  190. Sam Says:

    Hey everyone, just want to say Hi to everyone…Changed my attitude towards my Stomach pains aan accepting what it shoots at me…actually doing well for 5 days now..

    thanks Scarlet for guiding me to the right direction in my time of panic..

    Sam

  191. Fiona Says:

    Hi Paul, just reading your post up there and its totallly spot on. Anxiety=worry and worry=anxiety there is no doubt about it. People with anxiety have lost the ability to stop themselves worrying. But you can regain the ability to do so by letting worrying thoughts go. Its not easy and takes time and commitment but when the worry goes there is nothing left to be anxious about. Its worry and stress that got you here in the first place so now you must back track and unlearn all those worrying habits again. Slowly your mind will become more flexible and free and the tension will release from your body. It wont happen tonight and probably not tomorrow either but slowly over time (maybe without even noticing) you’ll make progress.
    Hope this helps anyone
    Fiona xx

  192. John S Says:

    Hey Lisa, it was OK last night. I didn’t drink because iM only just finishing my ADs which i was only on a low dose of 10mg anyway but i just dont really believe in meds so I have decided to finish them. Back to last night though, it was fine. I picked up all my friends and went into town and watched the footy. Felt a bit weird but it was okay. No real problems. Then I picked my girlfriend up and stayed at hers. Went to the gym today and now at uni. I havent even been home yet! The weird feeling are all there but I am not letting them bother me. I have to go to Scotland from yorkshire on the 20th feb which although im feeling abit apprhensive about it I am sure it will be fine. It feels miles away though! Thanks again Lisa for posting. Im not going to avoid anything
    John

  193. Paul David Says:

    Fiona that’s right and it does take to time to reverse, its all about sticking with it. Too many think as soon as they follow the advice they will feel perfect and if it does not happen then they fall back into old habits. Its a gradual fade back into the old you and it does come without even noticing it at times, but you have to give yourself a chance and believe what you are told will work. I can give as much advice out as I like, what I can’t do is make people follow it, that is up to them.

    Paul

  194. LORRYT Says:

    hi Ben

    see what you mean, focus is on me, rather than what im doing and its getting to me a bit ! im doing all the things i normally do but am focusing in on how i feel too much, and looking at everything too deeply. i just need reminding from time to time. Im too eager to get better, i keep pushing myself too much and wanting to get better rather than letting it come to me. Thanks for the advice, i know will get there, just focusing on that too much too!!!
    have a good one all xx

  195. Candie Says:

    Hi Everyone

    Would just like to say how good it is that everyones attitudes about recovering are changing. I stumbles across this site about ten months ago- my life has changed so much and i honestly see a life without anxiety now… so stick at it, eventually you see past what anxiety wants you to beleive- the worst! Its great to keep this place full of your positive victories, and the advice is invaluable here- thats why this blog works, as if we keep it positive whiles receiving the information and putting it into practice recovery is inevitable.

    All the news of people saying there going into the situations that make them anxious, whiles not trying to push it away is exactly what i had to do- i still do it now.. except now i perceive no threat, just habit of memories which are fading. Dont pressure yourself to feel better, thats why people get stuck with anxiety for a while- as to recover you have to do everything your anxious mind is telling you that you should be protecting yourself from. It can be a thought about facing a social situation, a thought about bathing or holding a baby, a thought about losing control, a thought about losing your mind! We are all functioning the same way with an anxious mind- the physical and mental stuff is common in us all. However, everyone of us hasnt been like this forever- therfore the only possible cause for this is habit…. and myself and dozens more are testiment that this method works. Yes your still going to feel bad at times, i still do- but letting down the barriers and allowing this whiles creating the positive new habits will erradicate this.

    That was my ramble for the month, just glad to see everyone seeing what i saw in recovery as it will get you far.

    Candie

  196. lisa Says:

    well done john im proud of you, keep it up .im glad you posted i was wondering how your night was. :-)

  197. Ben Says:

    LorryT – the thing is, when we focus on ourselves so much we lose the ability to do the stuff that normally comes naturally. So a normal conversation will become a massive effort (rather than a subconcious effort) as you are constantly monitoring it and analysing it. This then puts a huge strain on you and you get in that negative loop

    Like Paul said, the only way is to just accept it and say (was going to use an expletive then..) sod it I don’t care and just get on with your day. Believe me it does start to lift… I have had more results with Paul’s method than anything else I have tried. The beauty is also that it requires no effort as it is all about not doing anything and chilling out about the whole affair….

    I’ve had a few brilliant days but I’ve not realised that until now as I haven’t been thinking to myself “how do I feel”, i.e. I’ve just forgotten about it. No doubt there is a probably a setback on the way at some point and I’m far from being totally anxiety free, but the great thing is that I have PROVED to myself that things are changing (this is sometimes the hardest as you can become very cynical that nothing will ever fix you!) so I treat the setbacks now as reminders that things are improving! I don’t enjoy them, but they don’t fill me with dread anymore…

  198. Paul David Says:

    Candie and Ben all I am going to say is……..Brilliant advice.

    Ben all you have is a shift in attitude and boy are you on your way and the best thing about it is you say, ‘a setback maybe on its way, but hey’ the mesage has hit home and you can only improve from now on in.

    Paul

  199. Stephen Says:

    Hi everyone

    Thanks so much for the response scarlet and candie, you guys always make me feel better. Im definately not in the “pits” of despair, just in minor setback at the moment with the thoughts my biggest concern this time. Thanks for the well wishes for my dog scarlet, he is slowly improving and could even be home tomorrow. has been in intensive care for almost 6 nights now and cost my parents just over $2000 australian dollars! but he is a family member and you cant put a price on that.

    My new job is going pretty good, some of the people there are a little weird and one quite strange girl who apparently has bipolar or something where she gets angry for no reason. And she talks and almost brags about how she gets really angry and stuff and at first my mind herd her mention the word bipolar and i started to get extremely anxious. Then i got all the thoughts like i dont want to work here anymore ect ect on my first day. But ive stuck it out and herd this girl go on and on and i have become very desensatised to the word now and it doesnt really bother me. so i think by sticking it out i have moved towards my fear and its not bothering me that much anymore. i love the job though!

    So im guessing everyone gets really weird and strange and even disturbing thoughts through anxiety, because in a setback i tend to monitor myself so much and even if i do something normal i think was it normal? why did i look over there ect ect. i know i need to get over it! grrr frustrates me!! and my biggest fear is i have permadent damage to my mind or im losing it slowly.

    Stephen

  200. Candie Says:

    Hi Stephen

    I had the same thoughts too dont worry, we have all had them- its an anxious mind doing what it does best- convincing us the worst will happen! I used to have the same thoughts about schitzophrenia, i new i wasn’t- however couldnt get it out of my mind that i might turn into one. I have a friend who has a severe case of schitzophrenia, talking to him and being around him made me see that his behaviour was slightly odd, and that i had no reason to worry over having the illness. I didnt go to him for clarity, it just sort of happened and made me see i was been silly. Saying that, i also noticed he didnt worry over his behaviour, or see it as out of character or weird- as a person suffering an illness like this often doesn’t realise they have an illness or see it as a problem.

  201. john s Says:

    Hi Lisa, struggling to concentrate on my uni work today. My mind cannot stop thinking about my condition. Im not fighting it and letting it though. Im a bit anxious because im stopping my ADs. (weening myself off at the moment by missing days and will be off them completely in a week) I guess im just a bit nervous about that and my appetite has gone again. Im still forcing food down me though! I really dont want to the gym but Im gonna go now and run and do some weights. Its funny because yesterday i went to gym with a friend in morning then did uni work and then went to a spinning class with my girlfriend. All with my anxiety there but it didnt bother me as much yet today it does! Its such a weird condition that its almost laughable! Im going to try and quit my five aday cigarette habit as soon as im completely off the meds aswell because I have had a cough for about two months now. Right, im off for a run even though its gonna be tough but sod it!
    John S

  202. Helz Belz Says:

    Hi everyone, thought i would drop by again. its great to see that everyone is moving towards the pink days!
    been away for a while, took a weekend with friends and felt great. even managed to talk about anxiety and depression without feeling too bad (pointed a few people to this site too). now im back home am feeling a bit worse but thats to be expected in a way. still getting panic and analysing reaction to things that i dont realise is the anxiety until after, but the time between the reaction and the ‘oh, its just anxiety up to its negative games again, silly anxiety you loose this time’ is getting shorter. ok, so it can still be an hour or an afternoon, but its better than the 3 days that it used to be. someone told me that i’d seemed in a much better mood since going away for the weekend, and that gave me a panic reaction cos i thought ‘but i havent felt better, ive felt worse, why do they say that i dont feel it, etc etc etc’. it must be just anxiety making me think the worst of everything.

    was just wondering if anyone has read ‘Affluenza’ by oliver james. started it yesterday and seems to be saying that society and the media are out to make us all feel mildly anxious and inadequate, to keep companies and the economy running. up against this is it any wonder that so many people get severe anxiety?

    pink days all! -x-

  203. LORRYT Says:

    hi ben

    yes i know the sod it attitude well, i am getting on with my life, and i dont let it stop me doing anything, although i dont really have much fun, i know the enjoyment wil return and it has done for a bit , then it goes again. it is such an up and down affair and although i have come a long way, and look back and see what i was like before. worry still plagues me alhough today i am having problems with my oldest (hormones and all that), but the pattern still continues. evenings are care free for me , i just go with thr flow. i need to beleive in me abit more and stop keep posting and checking in i guess !! sometimes it can be hard to know the right thing to do. this place is without a doubt an absolute godsend, i have achieved more here in the past year tthan i would have done keep referring to the docs.i just have to learn to let the worry go!! easier said than done for me!.

    cheers guys for the help!

  204. Debbie Says:

    I just have to say the encouragement on here is wonderful. I was at a sports camp for my daughter and I started to feel the all to familiar feelings of fear and dread coming on so instead of fighting it, I just sat back and let it come. I felt bad for a little bit but I didn’t worry or try to figure it out, I just let it be. Wow what a difference that makes, I was able to enjoy the rest of the day and my daughter didn’t have to deal with a sad mom. I can definately see a bright road ahead.

  205. Paul David Says:

    Debbie that is great and well done. The temptation to try and take control is huge at times, to run, to worry, to figure it out, this is the crucial point, but it does pass as you say, it always does. And just knowing that builds your confidence for the future, you don’t even dread feeling bad anymore or look for the signs, as you know you can cope and it will pass, you have a shift in attitude and how you feel means less and less, anxiety loses its control over you. That’s where the real inner confidence comes from.

    Paul

  206. Paul David Says:

    yes i know the sod it attitude well, i am getting on with my life, and i dont let it stop me doing anything, although i dont really have much fun, i know the enjoyment wil return.

    That’s a good point Lorry, I had little fun, the days seemed a bind at times, but I soilered on know and believing that the fun in my day would return and it did, that’s all you need, that belief, not the quick answer to wake up tomorrow and it will be all gone.

  207. Debbie Says:

    Thank you Paul. I’m really looking forward to receiving your book. I truly believe your website was put in my path by a greater power. I prayed for help that didn’t include medication and I found this. So thank you for helping others.

  208. lisa Says:

    well done john, dont try and do to much at once like coming off your ads and cigarettes, one thing at a time mate. lorry once you can let the worry go it does come easier, i was terrible i worried about worrying, worried incase i was worrying, checking in incase i was worrying 24/7 what a nightmare . if i cant change things i let them go,if i have a worry i deal with it, if the worrying about worry pops in, it soon passes by now i dont give a monkeys! paul explained i was in a rut and i needed to change it so i did.i can now let them come and pass by now its a great feeling and you will reach that stage.you just need to believe in your self more :-)

  209. Nicole Says:

    Hi Lisa,
    I can totally relate to the worrying about the worrying that you mentioned above. I had these thoughts and anxious feelings just this morning while walking to work so it is good to see that someone else experienced this and looks back at it now with a clear head. I was able to recognize that I was about to start over analyzing about my thinking again and it faded on its own.
    I find that with acceptance comes ownership of the anxiety, not the anxiety owning you. More self respect starts to emerge in the process and a belief in oneself as you mentioned. The letting go takes practice though. It used to be so easy to drop an issue, but I am having more moments of late where I have re-captured that feeling.
    My old hormones are playing tricks on me again, but I am letting them go and do what they want while I get on with my day. I have realized that I was in a habit of thinking that I should be feeling bad about having anxiety, but lately I have been telling myself that it’s okay to be happy! Even with an anxious stomach and chattering mind.
    Off to bed soon, pink days to all tomorrow!

  210. andrew Says:

    I was wondering does anyone else on here suffer from insomnia because of anxiety. And how did you overcome it? I have problems sleeping because of my anxiety. It happens a few times a week. Sometimes I get anxiety about sleeping, which makes it difficult for me to sleep. I also get palpitations.

  211. Lynda Says:

    Hi – I have been a lurker for a few months after reading Paul’s excellent book which I have read many times. My anxiety problems started many years ago a few months after having an abortion.After seeing many doctors I was told I had dp – not surprising after what I had been through without any counselling and never talking about it again. I got over the dp but found that after each traumatic event in my life, i.e. losing my parents, losing my house, my husband being very ill, I coped great at the time but again, a few months down the line, the dp kicked in. I used to get upset and very scared about it, but it always went usually in a few weeks. Fast forward to this year – I have become the very proud grandmother of 2 gorgeous grandaughters – however, soon after they were born, the most awful, disgusting thoughts about them became an obsession with me – I couldn’t believe what I was thinking about them and my mind is in turmoil. When I am with them I love them to bits but I only have to think about them to have these awful thoughts. I have been told by a counsellor that I have been seeing that it all goes back to the abortion – the murder of a baby I suppose. I know the reason for all these feelings is unimportant now – I just want it to go! And there is my problem for as much as I know that obsessing about it will do no good and I should just accept all my feelings and they will eventually pass, it is this that is now causing me to have dp again.

    You are all so kind and supportive to each other and it has given me some comfort reading the posts on here – Candie, Scarlet etc. – you talk such sense and I admire you for having ‘got it’ at last! Will I get it? I feel such awful guilt and am crying just writing all this down. I get what Paul is saying in theory but find this bit of it so hard to put into practice. I know I need to change my attitude but these thoughts just remain and haunt me.

    Sorry for the whinge – just wondered if anyone has been through such a situation and come out the other end. It is spoiling my whole time with those lovely babies who I love so much.
    Thanks for reading.

  212. Candie Says:

    Hi Lynda

    I have been through a very simlar situation to you. Anxiety has made you obsessive, like it did me. My thoughts started about my nephew. At first it started as general worry and apprehension, and as i helped to raise my nephew i was around him a lot and linked my anxiety to him and worryin about him general upbringing etc. One day i had one thought, thats all it takes beleive me! Well as i was already at an anxious disposition, i over reacted to the thought and before i new it within a few months my mind was scanning for any thought that i would perceive disturbing and i would obsess. Soon after that i was obsessing about everything! Now eventually i learnt to understand that i shouldnt expect myself to be comfortable with thinking bizzare stuff, i should accept thoughts as bizarre but not try to put them right in my mind- as when you do that you tend to search for more threates and purposely force yourself to think more bad stuff to see if you can ‘not react’. I can tell you now there is no thought you have thought that hasnt crossed my mind either, however you are panicking still and they seem a lot worse then they actually are when you so so. I was reading some advice from scarlet last year, and realised that in order to come through this i had to stop forcing myself to thing bad stuff and when a thought comes to me i should not add emotion to it as it actually bares no relivance or significance! It wasnt long before i was able to do this, and now i dont think anything of a repetitive nature at all. Sure i still get caught of gaurd with normal thoughts making me pause and slightly bewildered- by normal thoughts i mean anything bizzare or positive, negative, intrusive… ANYTHING….. but i understand i still have a mild anxiety disorder so up until i recover from that fully i will over react to many thoughts, feelings and situations as my anxiety is still sending false warning signals caused by adrenalin. I wont go too much into detail, but your post sounds like i could of wrote it honestly!

    If you read some of Scarlets posts you will see she had the exact same type of intrusive thoughts when her baby was born, but she is 100% recovered now…. you are not alone and the only one capable of thinking your thoughts, the obsessive thoughts thread on this blog is by far the most popular- that is because anxiety can make you over react and not trust your own mind. Remember your thoughts dont portray you, they portray your anxious mind- you can recover and will be able to be around and think about your grandchildren again without having to obsessively think or panic over anything bizzare. Just dont give your thoughts too much attention, as there a symtom of your anxiety nothing more.

  213. Candie Says:

    Apologies for my spelling and grammar, didnt check it before i posted lol

  214. Lynda Says:

    Hi Candie
    Thanks so much for your reply (no need to apologise for any spelling/grammar mistakes – didn’t even notice any till you pointed it out lol!) You have made me feel better already – I will try to remember what you say and not give the thoughts any attention. I suppose the feeling I get after the thought is pure panic at thinking them in the first place and so it is like a vicious circle but I understand what you are saying.

    I have always been a chronic worrier about everyone and everything – my husband always tells me I worry if i’ve nothing to worry about and he’s right – I will always find something. I think if that is how you are it is very hard to change but I do try my best not to get into a state about everything even though at times I am not very successful!

    I will have to try and read some of Scarlet’s previous posts as I am sure they will help me too.

    Hope your pregnancy is going ok – what excitement you will feel when your baby is born – there is nothing like it!!

    Lynda

  215. andrew Says:

    Hi David —

    I was wondering if you could talk about sensitization in relation to sleep. I noticed that for myself, having anxiety, going to sleep is a big issue. And my body has become so sensitized to certain physical symptoms that I find it hard to fall asleep or stay asleep without a sleep aid. For example, because of the sensitization, I react to any physical sensation with palpitations. And it has become a pattern that whenever I wake up I will have the palpitations. Did you ever experience anything like this or have any advice? Thanks.

  216. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Lynda,

    Welcome to the Blog. Like Candie said, a negative reaction to just one thought can lead you into a downward spiral of obsessive thinking. It did for me.. I was 7 months pregnant at the time, and had never encountered anything like it before in my life/nor with my first child who was 9 at the time.

    I was on bed rest for pregnancy complications and had ‘normal’ pregnancy worries, but it was very difficult being alone all day, then out of the blue something was said which I couldn’t get out of my mind and this lead to obsessing thoughts about my unborn baby’s health, which then to more obscure obsessive thoughts about harming own child.

    I was in such a bad state I walked to the local hospital and they kept me in for 3 months… at the time I hadn’t found this site, and had never heard of antenatal anxiety/depression before, so didn’t know what I had. I thought it was the deterioration of my mental health, that I was becoming schizophrenic or going crazy. The hospital weren’t much help to be honest, and I spent much of my day on my own in bed obsessing, and became afraid to leave my hospital room. I convinced myself that I was a bad mother, would never be able to look after my own child, and one that would need psychiatric treatment for the rest of my life.

    Then when my baby was born, they sent me packing with my newborn and some ADs, which I took for 4 months…and very little else.

    During the first year I plodded along without knowing (or believing) what was actually wrong with me really, and I avoided ‘normal’ situations I felt uncomfortable with, in hindsight this was the wrong thing to do, as it wasn’t until I actually faced my fears that I started to recover… but of course I didn’t know this is what was necessary to recover, I thought I needed to rest and one day I would wake up and be back to normal… but it never happened. It was a very difficult year, and I had the most terrible thoughts which I couldn’t control and I walked around with DP for most of the day, barely functioning really, in my own world with my terrible thoughts.

    It was after the first year that I came across very helpful information on the internet and stories of those who had recovered, and I joined a forum for those suffering from Post Natal Depression. This helped me enormously, and then I came across Paul as well…and the start of my recovery began.

    Lynda with a few changes in behaviour, you can get rid of your obsessive thinking as well… What you must do is NOT avoid your grandkids. In fact if you fear something, DO MORE OF IT. Spend as much time as you can with them, and pay no heed to the intrusive thoughts, they are not actions. Your grandkids are 100% safe in your hands. You are having obsessive thoughts because you love them so very much and your protective instincts are in overdrive that’s all…

    When a thought enters your head, at the moment a negative emotion is attached to it, and you are probably having that sickly feeling in the pit of your stomach. You need to get rid of this emotion and adopt a ‘whatever’, ‘as if’ attitude to your thoughts. It takes time and effort, but the rewards are huge, and if you can recreate this new emotion, a ‘don’t care’ emotion then you will be able to dismiss the thoughts as utter rubbish and they will diminish. The fear you have for the thoughts is keeping them coming at the moment, once the fear has gone they will have no hold over you whatsoever… and you can also adopt this new attitude to chronic worries as well.

    At first, this don’t care/whatever attitude will ‘feel’ false as if you are having to fake it, … but like one doc said on a PND article I read ‘Fake it to make it’… kiss, cuddle, smile, talk to your kids/grandkids, even if you have no feeling or inappropriate feelings/thoughts, it will come naturally in time… this is so very true, I can personally vouch for it. You must practice the behaviour you want to achieve, in your case it’s no ‘negative’ emotion attached to an intrusive thought.

    I promise you in time if you just follow these few behavior changes, you will notice less obsessive/intrusive thoughts… it won’t happen overnight because you will have doubts to begin with, but in the weeks and months ahead, your mind will slowly clear…and you will begin to notice a difference.

  217. Scarlet Says:

    written a load of rubbish

    actually meant to say

    You must practice the behaviour you want to achieve, in your case it’s not to have a ‘negative’ emotion attached to an intrusive thought. 😉

  218. Kashawn Says:

    Hi guys,

    I havent written in a while so I thought I would drop a few lines. I was feeling really good 2 weeks ago then this past week I had alot of bad days-symptoms were rising alot. I knew they were setbacks and I know its all part of the process-today i feel wayy better then the last few days I had and i knew that the key to getting through was not paying attention to the setback and its symptoms; my body was raging inside, symptoms got intense and I just kept my self busy and just had the “whatever attitude” and stayed focused on my outward task (reading textbooks for school haha) and they passed.

    I just want to say to not be discouraged from these setbacks, and to NOT let the setbacks be the topic of the day–they truly fade away when u pay them no respect as Paul said:)

    Setbacks are a part of the process to recovery; its just like a bruise that sometimes hurts as its healing,,,let it hurt its healing!!! same for Anxiety

    All the best
    Kashawn.

  219. Lynda Says:

    Scarlet
    Thanks for your reply – it certainly was not a load of rubbish!! Your story brought tears to my eyes (doesn’t take much for that to happen to me!) What a lonely & frightening place you must have been in whilst pregnant and for the 1st year after your baby was born but how great that you learnt all you did and came out of it 100%. I do not avoid my grandkids although sometimes when I am holding either one of them I find myself silently apologising to them for being so horrible and tell them I don’t really mean it – makes me feel a bit better for a while. I have asked myself so many times why it had to happen with them – I was so excited to see my son & daughter become parents and when both babies were born I was so happy and thats why it was such a shock when |I had that first thought , I couldn’t believe it – I’m too ashamed to tell you on here what that thought was but from then on even weirder thoughts came to mind and the more they came the more I panicked. Was it some kind of throw back from the abortion? who knows really but I seem to have suffered ever since then.

    I do get everything you have said to me and will try to make it my new practice and do understand that it will not happen overnight but that one day it will be in my past like it is in yours.

    Thanks once again – you are an inspiration.
    Lynda

  220. Candie Says:

    Hi Lynda.. i know you say apologising in your mind makes you feel a bit better, but my doing that you are conditioning your mind to beleive your thoughts are wrong… when the fact is they are not… sure they dont represent the truth and you, but there is not a single person alive who hasnt thought an intrusive of perverse thought at some point. The mistake you make is thinking of yourself as a bad person, like i used to do… it is no use trying to rationalise with a thought that holds no truth as anxiety made you irrational towards it… so it is hard to gain relief through trying to figure it out, we then usually develop coping behaviours like repetitively thinking these things over and over- like we cant stop ourself thinking more distressing thoughts. Your abortion may of put you at a disposition to developing anxiety due to the distress it caused you, but you can get past all this through accepting your thoughts and cutting of from them after you think them. Dont worry about the content of your thoughts, as anxiety will often trick you into that- instead focus on not taking a thought further after you have thought it. Beleive me the content of your thoughts is no differant to the thoughts me and Scarlet have had regarding close family, in general they tend to be anything to do with harm…. it is very common for an anxious mind to think one intrusive thought- not deal with it properly then get stuck in analysing every thought and making yourself think more intrusive thoughts. I used to think of it as my imagination creating little scenarios to match my anxious state. I am just about recovered now, and beleive me i was bad- every minute of every day i was thinking something obsessively. Look through some old posts and you will find tons of help and advice to help you recover. This is not you forever, this is the anxious you for the time been- never be bluffed by your anxiety… next time you find yourself confronting an intrusive thought think something along the lines of ‘whatever, not going there’. To me thinking that registered in my mind that it was ok not to take the thought any further and that the thought is no threat. Sure it takes time and patience, but you will get there.

  221. Mazza Says:

    Hi all
    Hope everyone is well. Just been reading through the above posts. The advice is very good and makes me feel more positive that people can get back to how they were before anxiety. I had been feeling alot better recently, but over the last few days, I seem to be feeling nervy again. I know I’m tense cos my back aches and I’m concentrating on my breathing, which makes me feel I’m not getting enough air. By now I should know what to do, just carry on with my day and let it be, but sometimes I find that quite hard, because I start thinking something must be wrong with me, then I have a ciggy, which makes me feel bad cos I’m trying to quit. Oh, someone give me a brain transplant, lol.
    Sorry if I seem down, I don’t mean to, it’s just when I’ve been doing well, it seems so hard when I start to feel anxious again. Thanks everyone for their advice and support, take care
    Mazza

  222. Stephen Says:

    Hey scarlet and candie

    Just a quick question i hate having this not right feeling..hard to explain but i can do normal things and then i remember back and think oh..yer..i have anxiety and then i get this weird feeling like somethings missing/dissapointed and feel a tad down. Like im always going to feel like this for the rest of my life. Is this normal? because i get this alot in grey days. and does it go eventually? I know paul says its normal to feel weird and like something is missing but i cant help to think he means something different and what i feel is something else, or a different condition.

    Stephen

  223. Scarlet Says:

    “Just a quick question i hate having this not right feeling..hard to explain but i can do normal things and then i remember back and think oh..yer..i have anxiety and then i get this weird feeling like somethings missing/dissapointed and feel a tad down. Like im always going to feel like this for the rest of my life. Is this normal? because i get this alot in grey days. and does it go eventually? I know paul says its normal to feel weird and like something is missing but i cant help to think he means something different and what i feel is something else, or a different condition. ”

    Hi Stephen,

    No you don’t have a different condition… you are well on the way to full recovery, only this last hurdle takes the longest to go imo. I was stuck in this ‘grey period’ for what seemed like ages… reminding myself at intervals that I still had anxiety, and of course that feeling of disappointment came. This is normal when you are nearing the end.

  224. Scarlet Says:

    Eva,

    Please try not to worry about what you read on the website. There are some who are depressed and self-harm. I was a member of a forum where some of the ladies did this. At first I used to panic, and think I might do something similar in an irrational moment, but after time I became immune to wht I read. The majority of folks who have anxiety are like us, we think we might do something, and worry about it to the point of panicking… but that’s all. Promise you, you’ll get over this wee setback… and be back on track again. Resist the urge to google anymore, you don’t have to … all the answers are here for you hun. 😉

    S.

    x

  225. April Says:

    HI,

    I have a question about recovery. I think that it is in the book, but my book(ebook) is on my laptop and I can’t use it because our charger cord broke and the battery is dead, so I am on our pc right now.
    Anyway, first I have to say that the ebook and this blog are the best things that I have come across since this all started 6 months ago. I have spent at least $1000 on so called cure programs and to no avail. Your book is THE answer to anxiety, it is a slow process, but it works. I didn’t think that it would, but after a few weeks of implementing what you have said and I feel so much better. I am not out of the woods yet, but I am finally on the right path.
    Ok my question is, my dp and anxiety was so deep(really really bad) and now that I am finally in the recovery process. is it normal to feel weird. I mean, I feel like I focused so much time and effort on how I felt and thought, that now that I am not doing that so much anymore, it just feels almost like a real quiet feeling. I don’t know how to describe it, but is this like a reajustment kind of thing?
    I also might stop my counseling sessions. They are only every other week. When this all started they were weekly and I couldn’t wait to talk to my counselor because I felt so bad. Now, my usual counseling day went by and I totally forgot about it. Also, my counselor has to take a leave of absence for 6 months and has put me with another wonderful lady, but I don’t really feel the need to talk to anyone anymore. Besides, she just wants to do the whole underlying factors thing now that I feel a little better.
    Sorry for rambling, but you all are the only one’s I can talk to that really understand what I am going through. I appreciate this site and those that take the time out of their day to help, more than you will ever know. Thank you so much!!!

    April

  226. Paul David Says:

    April this is very common as we have been focusing on how we feel so much it became part of us. When we begin to let it go we get like a hovering feeling over us, like its still part of us, but its not. Its like a no mans land, I think this is what you mean anyway. Again just go with this feeling, its just memory of suffering and watching yourself, its just the habit of focusing on yourself and does pass.

    On the counseller, I spoke with many so called experts and if it did not feel right I moved on, we were just wasting each others time, April only you know if you get anything out of it. I did find a lady who dealt with many issues and admitted she was not an expert on anxiety, but it was just good to off load how I felt and have an ear without judgement, I did appreciate that as I had no one to talk with.

    Really glad the site and book has helped you also April, I have had some very positive emails this week and you never tire of them. And it is a process, recovery can come no other way, no matter what these rip off programs tell you. I would love to name and shame the worst ones, but my hands are tied on that. I once helped a man who had been charged £5,000 on premium rate calls to a very well publicised site and got nowhere, when he ran out of money they would no longer take his calls and ignored him, its sites like that, that give the genuine people a bad name and why people are so sceptical.

    Paul

  227. April Says:

    Thank you so much Paul, what you described is exactly how I feel and I am glad to hear that it is normal.
    I would love to name the rip off programs if allowed,lol. One of them focuses mainly on using distraction to overcome anxiety(some of you may no which one I am referring to). They even had counselors available to call if needed, but they would tell me the same thing, like, what are you using for distraction,blah blah blah. They weren’t the only ones that had said that distraction is the best tool. So I really freaked out because I have 5 kids and stay at home with 2 of them during the day. I didn’t have any good distraction, of course the kids distracted me during points of the day but that was it. It became a chore to find good distractions.
    It’s like a weight has been lifted. although distraction can be good, that is not the answer, full acceptance is the answer and I am so happy to have come across your book.
    I also just wanted to say something else real quick. I have read alot of people using the word ‘setback’. While in the recovery process, as long as you are accepting fully whatever anxiety may throw at you, even if it feels like a setback, it is not. Do not look at it as a setback, look at it as your body trying to heal and get back to normal. These are just minor bumps on the path to recovery, they may even feel like mountains at some points, but they are all part of the recovery process and are by no means setbacks, just your body trying to recover. I still have a ways to go and do not look forward to the bumps as I know that there wil be lots, but as long as I keep accepting and going about my day like it is a normal thing, they will soon pass and I will be that much closer to recovery.

    April
    April

  228. Paul David Says:

    Aprl you can mention any site you like, its owners of sites who can’t, as it could be percieved as doing it for my own gain. They can’t stop anyone else doing it, but I am pretty sure I know which you are talking about and I could not think of giving any worse advice that distracting yourself, this is just saying ‘this is something you must avoid at all costs’ wow how much respect does that place on a symptom and what then, distract yourself for the rest of your life, you must no go there, this is how fears grow, not weaken, to lose any symptom or fear we have to feel it, not avoid it. Anyway I will leave them to their advice, I am just glad I never invested in their programs and beliefs.

  229. Candie Says:

    April, i am guessing you mean the Linden Method? Am i right- what a load of crap that site is lol.

  230. April Says:

    Ok, Candie said it for me, And I couldn’t agree more Paul!!
    Here is one more site to avoid and to not invest any money or time in is the Anxietybusters programs. The lady that runs the site says that she herself went through bad anxiety and dp and came through it using the techniques that she sells in her program. You can also talk to her, but you have to pay. I spoke with her many times and spent lots of money(even on her program), and she doesn’t seem to have the compassion nor the answers that I was looking for. Not only did I waste money, I felt worse then when I started.
    I bought a few others but cannot even remember what they were called. Oh even tried homeopathy, good vitamins, but not the answer.

    Here is a good saying that I read a while ago, it was on a poster board hanging in my chiropractors office, “The Only Way Out is Through”.
    I also like “Fake it till you make it”

    April

  231. Paul David Says:

    The lady you talk about is called ‘Ronnie’ April and brings out an audio tape/C.D every other week for people to part with their money, I know of the site well and also the one Candie mentions which IMO is just a marketing machine. I did have a funny incident with Mr Linden who bought my book, they do this to make sure you are not copying their work, anyway he must have forgot he had done this and bought it again, reading it he realised his mistake and then had the cheek to ask for a refund on the second book. I said ‘I think you make enough, don’t you!’

  232. April Says:

    Yes, that’s her name. That is a funny story considering that they are probably the one’s that are stealing info from you so THEY can make more money.
    It just makes me so sad that there are people out there like them that prey on those that are suffering and are searching for help and answers. It just makes me sick, how can you not have compassion for other people.
    Thank God though for you Paul and your book and this blog. I am just so happy to know that not everyone is like that and that there ARE compassionate people in the world.

    April

  233. Mazza Says:

    Hi April
    I know what you mean about feeling odd when your’e not thinking about the anxiety. It’s almost like you don’t want to let it go because it’s part of you, if that makes sense. I’ve had anxiety for a long time, too long, but since reading the advice from Paul and others on this site, I have had more good days than bad. I’m going to purchase Paul’s book soon, I’ve sort of put off buying the book so far because I think I must have read every book on the subject, but Paul’s method seems very similar to Clare Weekes.
    I’ve had a few rubbish days recently, that’s when I start thinking “this will never go away”, but I know that’s the wrong thing to think, I sometimes think when I’m feeling good ” what was all that about, of course I’m o.k, i will get over this”, but when I start to feel anxious, I start obsessing about it, start thinking about all the things I do which are bad for me, e.g. smoking, and all the things that I should be doing, like exercise, and I can’t seem to switch off.
    I must say that reading all the positive posts from people on here keeps me going, I just hope one day I and everybody else can beat this too.
    Anyway on a positive note, I didn’t have to go to work today because of all this wonderful snow. Did anybody make a snowman, lol?
    Mazza

  234. Sidney Says:

    Hello Everyone….I’m new to the blog although I did read Paul’s book about 9 months ago. I think this blog is wonderful and I really enjoyed Paul’s comments in January. He answered all the questions I have been needing to ask. I was doing great during the summer and fall, then the good old holidays came and with all it’s business….I think I forgot to rest and take care of my body. I live in very snowy climate and this winter seems to be the worst ever. It’s cold, confining, dark, snowy, icey and I’ve had enough with it. So I find myself in a setback. My nature is to analyze this condition away….thanks for reminding me to just “accept” and go about my daily business. Thank you Paul for having such an insightful blog and caring so much about all of us. I look forward to future blogging and a new found hope with this condition!

    Take Care…
    Sidney

  235. Nicole Says:

    Hi,
    I wanted to let you know Paul that I have applied the advice you gave me in the post about dealing with scary thoughts about depression by non-reacting to the thought and I have seen progress and can honestly say that this approach of learning how to “quiet” one’s emotional response to a thought really works. The road ahead looks a little clearer after facing that fear! I am by no means free of scary thoughts but I feel a little more confident. One question that has come up though is that – if I am teaching my brain not to react to thoughts with an emotional response, will it make me “unemotional” to life in general?
    Thanks, Nicole

  236. Nicole Says:

    Forgot to mention that I am reading a book called “Evolve your Brain” and it details how we all have the ability to re-program our experiences and achieve our emotional/physical goals by doing what Scarlet was mentioning in a previous response – “fake it till you make it”. They have found that this process actually creates new neural pathways in the brain! Very exciting stuff..

  237. Scarlet Says:

    One question that has come up though is that – if I am teaching my brain not to react to thoughts with an emotional response, will it make me “unemotional” to life in general?

    Hi Nicole, You are gaining control of your own thoughts by teachnig your brain to react to irrational intrusive thoughts without an emotional response, or with a ‘contemptuous’ response… in the long run this will not make you unemotional to other thoughts or life in general. Once you have control of your thoughts, and your reaction to them, the fear you have for your thoughts disappears totally, and it’s this fear that keeps the irrational/obsessional thoughts coming. I promise you that when you have mastered this concept, the ‘appropriate’ emotion to your thoughts will return. Even now, if I have an irrational thought (which all of us do from time to time), I have no response… because it has no importance, or one of contempt, depending on the thought.

    ooo I hope this makes sense, my LO is causing mischief as I write this, need to get him out to burn some energy.

    x

  238. Scarlet Says:

    Here’s an example of one of my own thoughts, and how it should have been handled if I’d have had the information contained on this blog at the time….

    I am sure many can identify with a similar thought spiralling out of control in this manner and I hope it’s helpful.

    …………

    At the height of my suffering I was pushing my baby in his pram to pick up my other son from school and I saw a knitting needle on the ground, and of course I panicked and went into a series of ‘what if’ thoughts…

    This is the dialogue I had in my mind at that time

    “Oh no, wish I hadn’t seen that”
    “mustn’t look at it as I might pick it up”
    “what if I pick it up”
    what if I do something to my baby with it in an irrational moment”

    imagining myself doing something terrible

    “what if people knew what I was thinking, they might take my kids away from me”
    “What if I’m like those I see on the news”
    “What if I’m schizophrenic”
    “What of IO am like this forever and never recover”

    I am having heart palpitations at this time and have made myself scared to death

    “What if they lock me up in a psychiatric ward and I never come out again”
    “What if I never see my kids again”
    “It might be better off if I was dead, as I couldn’t live like this, I am a waste of space and not fit to be a mother”

    Look at my irrational thought pattern, I don’t remember the exact thoughts I had during this scenario, but they were in a similar vein to the one I mentioned… and in fact lots of my thoughts contained elements of the above….

    What ‘should’ have happened when I saw the knitting needle, I should have said to myself (with a contemtuous response)

    “What a load of rubbish, as if”

    and I should have walked on, would have saved me from spiralling into what was a downward spiral of continual obsessive thoguhts for the rest of the day, and making myself utterly miserable.

  239. Scarlet Says:

    “””””Sorry had to go do an emergency nappy change before finished the ending”””””””

    …………………………………………….

    What ’should’ have happened when I saw the knitting needle, and after my first ‘what if’ thought, I should have said to myself (with a contemtuous response)..

    “What a load of rubbish, as if”

    Even if I felt this response was not natural, and inside I was still panicking, I should have cut of the first ‘what if’ thought in it’s prime…

    I didn’t know at the time, that this new response of dismissing the thought was re-training my brain, as I had gotten so used to my mind spiralling out of control… in the above manner.

    I realise (now) that in my own mental scenarios like this, I did fake my response (fake it to make it, as the doc said, even if you are doubting), my anxiety required one of panic, I gave it one of contempt. If this is practiced time and time again with irrational thoughts of this nature, the ‘new’ response will be adopted as the norm…and soon you will not require a reponse at all as the thoughts will be infrequent, since the fear has disappeared.

    Definitely going out now with my LO… lovely day all

    x

  240. Lynda Says:

    Scarlet – your post with your thought example is so similar to the ones I have been getting for the past few months. I just have to see or hear something and I’m off thinking the what ifs but also the thought comes to me that I want something awful to happen to the baby I have in mind at the time and that is what upsets and panics me. After reading yours & Candies reply to my original post, I have adopted the ‘what a load of rubbish/whatever/ as if’ attitude and have even smiled at a couple of thoughts because they are so absolutely stupid! I am finding that the ‘thought of the moment’ is not sticking around for as long so I hope I am getting the hang of it and they will come to not mattering at all and once my fear of them has disappeared they will be infrequent.

    Hope you all have a good day and are not too snowed in!
    Lynda

  241. Scarlet Says:

    “I have adopted the ‘what a load of rubbish/whatever/ as if’ attitude and have even smiled at a couple of thoughts because they are so absolutely stupid! I am finding that the ‘thought of the moment’ is not sticking around for as long so I hope I am getting the hang of it and they will come to not mattering at all and once my fear of them has disappeared they will be infrequent.”

    This is the way to go Lynda, and soon you will notice your irrational thoughts have lost their importance, and it was only fear that kept them alive. When you think about it, the crux of our anxiety is being fearful of our thoughts, how daft is this (of course I can say this now 😉 ).

    x

    “Hope you all have a good day and are not too snowed in!”

    Not me, I live in sunnier climes, but I do love snow…

  242. Nicole Says:

    Thanks for clearing that up Scarlet. At the moment I am being given an opportunity to “not” address an issue that would normally set me off into a spiral of scary thinking. There was a somewhat positive article in the paper this morning about a woman who overcame her OCD/anxiety/depression but throughout the article the writer referred to her as having an illness. I have to admit I am very sensitive to this word or the term “mental illness”. It is just a word after all, but in their effort to de-stigmatize “mental illness” is has the opposite effect on me and probably others when these terms are used. It would be much more uplifting if they presented her as someone who has come through some difficult circumstances in life and has moved on instead of sticking a label on her for life. Anyway, I am mentally rehearsing a “so what” attitude although the temptation to get upset is strong!

  243. Paul David Says:

    Nicole you Say: Hi,
    I wanted to let you know Paul that I have applied the advice you gave me in the post about dealing with scary thoughts about depression by non-reacting to the thought and I have seen progress and can honestly say that this approach of learning how to “quiet” one’s emotional response to a thought really works. The road ahead looks a little clearer after facing that fear! I am by no means free of scary thoughts but I feel a little more confident.

    That’s great Nicole and trust me it is the way forward and as you say at the bottom, “I am no means free of scary thoughts” and that’s fine, it is never the thought that is important, its your reaction to it. Someone asked me the other day if I had scary thoughts and to what degree.

    As Scarlet said in her dialoge above, she eventually saw the thought as false and just smiled at it and moved on, give it the ‘Yer as if’ this is what I did , I just took them all with a pinch of salt and they lost there edge, they no longer bothered me and they had no fuel to feed on. I knew they were anxiety induced, just as my legs would wobble with beer, my thoughts maybe irrational at times with anxiety, it was o.k.

    Well done anyway, just keep with it and I guarantee you will carry on seeing a change.

    Paul

  244. Lynda Says:

    Scarlet

    “Not me, I live in sunnier climes, but I do love snow…”
    ooh! where do you live and have you got a spare room…! I would be a good au-pair for you for a little while until it is summer here!

    Thanks for all your help.
    x

  245. lorryt Says:

    Scarlet

    i have started reading that ebook you sent me, but already it seems to have hit a chord with me regarding living in day tight compartments. dont worry about tomorrow, next week next year etcc. As that is half of my problem. I react to a thought “what about when my kids leave home ” what am i gonna do, how am i gonna get on , silly thought like that dominate my day. i know they are making me miserable, and i should be concentrating on today. live each day as it comes . I am trying to get the balance right, i work 2 days a week, and have 3 days at home – too much time on my hands, although i do loads.trying to engage my brain more, but its a tricky one , as i dont want to do too much . trying to volunteer at local rspca but they dont need anyone till end of feb, (then i panic how im gonna fill my time!) but hey im gonna get off here for a while and go and watch a film and do some housework. i am gettign there and am starting to feel more at ease with myself, which is a start.
    have a good day xxx

  246. Kamini Says:

    Hello Scarlet…

    I have one question, just a bit of clarification. I have understood the concept of cutting off of thoughts. Correct me if I am wrong… As far as I have understand, you mean to say every time a negative thought enters my head, I have to cut it off, that is, accept/acknowledge it, even if it’s a million times per day.

    Well you know everyday I use to have a nap of 30 mins and it is at this time that the thoughts race a lot. What should I do, even in my naps should I cut them off? Sometimes at night when going to sleep, the thoughts start to race, again what should I do? I know the answer would be to accept them. I do this. But when I wake up my head is very heavy.

    Did you go through this stage and how did you recover from it. Your precious response is impatiently awaited.

    Just to let you know, I am at 21 weeks of pregnancy and baby is moving a lot these days. Anyway how are you Candie, how is pregnancy and recovery going?

    Kamini

  247. Candie Says:

    Hi Kamini, I’m 21 weeks pregnant too… baby is moving loads and im enjoying pregnancy now 😀 I find out in two days if im having a boy or girl, then the real shopping can begin 😀 How is your pregnancy? My recovery is going very speedy thankyou, no panic now and no obsessive thoughts really so pleased with how far i have come since december.

  248. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Lorry,

    I was the same as you, worrying about the future all the time… but as you are learning to cut off your intrusive thoughts without analysing them, you can do the same with these type of ‘future’ concerns as well. You are right you need to learn to live in the moment, and not analysing your thoughts is the way to go to achieve this. Most of my day is spent living in the moment now, although I do ponder on the important things now and again,and I chose which thoughts to take further these days.

    ________________

    Hi Kamini,

    I would say you have the concept right hun, but I know it can be hard to do at times… you will most probably find that you aren’t able to do this with all negative thoughts to begin with, as you are in the habit of analysing your thoughts still, but as you practice more, you come to a point where you will be able to do it, and then soon after it will come naturally without thinking about it.

    I used to be the same with my daytime nap as well. I used to try and sleep when my baby slept, but to be honest it made things worse for me, because I anticipated the thoughts and worried (just like you are) before I even lay down, and when I did lay down, all I did was ruminate. If you are finding yourself do this I’d put on a bit of music to relax you… and if you can’t nod off and spend your time with racing thoughts, get up.

    I went through the same stage as you with regards to getting no sleep and spending all night with thoughts as well, but as I improved and got the hang of cutting off my thoughts during the day, I was able to do it at night as well… and then my night-time worries disappeared.

    Pregnancy is an anxious time with very little sleep as it is though Kamini, and it could be that you won’t get a proper nights sleep until your LO is born… then things will settle down (perhaps then you can take turns looking after your baby with your husband, this is what I did – alternate nights).

    Do you ever get your hubby to give you a foot massage before bed/also try a warm bath or drink some camomile tea/ watch a soppy movie/read a book or magazine/do a crossword, anything to relax you and take your mind off your thoughts.

    21 weeks wow!!! Over half way there now, its’ gone so quick…you’ll soon be holding your bundle of joy. Mines already two and a half… can’t believe it.

    ________________

    Hi Lynda,

    Yes I could really do with an Au pair, when can you get here. 😉

    x

  249. lorryt Says:

    wow candie, things are going well for you , glad to hear it, its such a precious time. I take it you want to know whether its a boy or girl. i dId my hubby didnt ! im good at keeping secrets !.

    its a wonderful feeling when babe moves around.
    i have forgotten that, mine are 9 and 5 , but couldnt handle another one as mu nine year old is hormonal already !. Girls eh !

    all the best Candie, Kamini and anyone else on here who currently is with child.

    lovexxxxxxxxxx

  250. Candie Says:

    Hey Lorry, thanks. Yea its been very up and down recovery but towards the end things taper of more up then down. I dont rumernate now, some thoughts still catch me of guard but nothing to the extent it effects the qaulity of my life…. in time my mind will learn not to think so anxiously to silly thoughts. You will get there too lorry, it just takes time and patience :)

  251. Stephen Says:

    Hi paul and scarlet

    Im just a little confused at the moment and not really sure where i stand in my recovery. Im know i go on about it alot but i feel weird from time to time. i will foget about my anxiety and feel normal i think but as soon as i remember it i feel weird and lost again. Im not reacting as bad as i use to to the thoughts and carry on with my days and do what ever i want with the anxiety, the days are becoming easier but im always thinking of it and its always in the back of my mind. I had a thought about me feeling like this for the rest of my life and it did make me feel kinda bad for a while.

    Although i have always had health anxiety, my condition began under similar circumstances to you, but ony after one stupid mistake and started with a panic attack, then anxiety waiting for the next panic attack then this. i do not have panic attacks anymore and know i could never suffer one again but im just sick of feeling so half harted and half good and often fear i have done permadent damage to my brain ect. Paul did you feel this way? and once you found the answers how long until you began to get really good after the 10 years of suffering. Sorry about all the questions just feeling snagged at the moment. not moving back but not really going forward. in truth i have only suffered about 8 months, if i didnt have any memory of my past suffering i would be ok, its just im always comparing myself to feelings in my early suffering days.

    Hope you guys can give me some advice although i think im doing all i can at the moment which is nothing and just faking it to make it as scarlet says lol

    take care eveyone
    stephen

  252. JR Says:

    How do we let our body/mind rest and also go against what are body/mind are telling us?

    I’m getting confused. I’ve felt so exhausted it seems every other day. On Tuesday I had a pretty good day. Then on yesterday just a god awful day, totally exhausted and that’s led into today. I can’t help but think I’m just so tired from being able to have a good day. I just don’t know how much longer I can go to work everyday and function and right now I feel that if I don’t hold it together I’ll just have to quit my job. I try to put myself in social situations, but I can’t do it anymore, when I let myself go and release that hold I feel so lightheaded and exhausted, sick of everyday pressure of living. I just want to give up – I don’t know how much longer I can deal with these up and downs.

  253. trey Says:

    hi everyone i havent posted in along time but i just wanted to say thank you to everyone who ever replied to a post of mine in the past. I have had little to no sign of anxiety in months and months. i remember being so worried that i was crazy or dangerous or dying and feeling so out of it i thought i was never ever going to be normal again. i finally “got it” and realized what everyone has been saying and i let everything go. i did what ever a normal person would do who didnt have anxiety i traveled, hung out with friends ,anything no matter how bad i felt. i do feel normal again after years of anxiety and dp. to anyone reading this with anxiety it doesnt matter how bad it is or how long you had it or even what kind of anxiety you have just carry on as you would with out it i promise thinking about all the time will never fix it.

  254. Candie Says:

    Hey Trey… that is brilliant news 😀

    Hi JR… i was that way for a long time, but it does pass eventually and good days turn into good weeks. Obsessive thoughts become less important, anxiety eventually doesnt dominate our day. You are wanting too much to soon, give yourself a break and a pat on the back for having good days- there where times i had mostly bad… once its up and down it means recovery is happening… at its own pace though, it cant be rushed as your new habits are embedding into the subcontious. So if anxiety makes you threat, just think to yourself ‘what has ever come of the fear other then a perceived threat that never harms you’. Your doing great, just re-read a bit to refresh your memory. I found every so often reading Pauls book would make me grasp more ways to accept my anxiety… as once you get over one hurdle you begin to see how you can overcome others.

  255. trey Says:

    jr i read your post and i felt the same way for soooo long. when you have a bad day dont let it bother you so much even people with out anxiety have bad days. so let it go. if you get a cold do you think oh i well never get better no you just deal with it and eventually you get better. you said you feel like giving up you know you cant give up cause thats what anxiety does, it doesnt let you “give up” . if you gave up and let every worry go you would get better. i know its hard i use to cry in my wifes arms i was exhausted and beat down and aint a person whos cries often trust me. you just have to tell your self that enough is enough and that if i go crazy or die so be it. and you have to mean it and live your life that way it will get better when you let your mind heal..

  256. Shirley D Says:

    JR.
    Yes i agree with Candie, i can see myself so much in you. It’s like being in a murky pool. the problem is, that you are concentrating so much on the negative feelings that make you feel bad, you say you have good days, that’s a great start.
    the anxiety does exhaust you because you are giving it all of your attention, it will get better – be more accepting that the exhaustion is all part of it, eventually it all turns around, sleep returns and the body clock puts itself right.

  257. Candie Says:

    Hi Everyone

    Just thought i would let you all know i had my 20 week scan today and found out im expecting a little boy 😀 yayyyyyyyy, just what i was hoping for too- im exstatic 😀 😀 😀 😀

  258. Shirley D Says:

    JR,
    I am just back from work, had to dash this morning after i left my relpy to you.
    Please don’t continue talking about giving up. I know what it’s all about though – because i used to ask myself what was the point of being here – would anybody really care if i was no longer around. now i realise that i have lots of friends and people would be devastated if i had given up, so we must inject some positivity here.
    This time of the year is horrid, it is dark and dull, but you have a look in the gardens and the first signs of spring are there. New shoots, new bulbs, lambs being born, nights are drawing out. This is the time that you must concentrate on, the new you, the new life.
    Have you tried the sentence ‘come, see if i care when you have the anxiety, i felt so much better once i had mastered the art of allowing the words to be greater than the feeling, it took practice but in the end it worked, the approach to the positive rather than the negative takes a lot less body power, you will feel a lot less exhausted once you have mastered this.

  259. Paul David Says:

    Trey that’s great to hear and thanks for sharing, it gives others the belief and encouragement they need.

    Well done mummy Candie, a little boy, can we have a guess the weight comp?

    Paul

  260. Scarlet Says:

    Wahayyyyyy!!!! Candie, it’s blue…..

    CONGRATULATIONS

    Do you have a name in mind?

    xxx

  261. Emily Says:

    Candie,
    Boys are SO much fun! I’m thrilled for you!

  262. Candie Says:

    Thanks Everyone 😀

    No Names yet scarlet, not seen anything that grabs me yet! Its harder to pick boys names then girls i think.

    Lol Paul you can have a comp if you wish, although what are you going to win?! :/

  263. Shirley D Says:

    The winning prize should be – a pair of sweaty smelly trainers!

  264. Lynda Says:

    Candie
    Congratulations – little boys are lovely! There are great boys names around these days apart from the traditional ones and there is also a much better variety of boys clothes in the shops than there used to be – it was always rows and rows of girls things and one row for boys if you were lucky. When my son was born almost 34 years ago all you could get for boys was either blue or red dungarees from Mothercare! Now you have a great big choice in all shops so happy shopping!!

  265. lisa Says:

    hey i was right hunny, i said it would be a george or bernard..lol. im shopping already for you x :-) well done trev x

  266. Sam Says:

    Hey Candie,

    all the best, congrats on the news of a boy. wishing you health.

    Sam

  267. Paul David Says:

    Actually Candie a friend of mine called his Bernard, its the new name apparantly, I quite like it, don’t dissmiss it out of hand.

  268. Scarlet Says:

    My sons friend is called Arthur…

    Not sure about Bernard though… LOL George has definitely made a come-back. Some of the expats over here have very unusual names for their kids (like Peregin/Maximillion). … wouldn’t go down well in east Hull mind you.. 😉 .

    Lynda you are right about the choice of baby clothes, although I still find there’s more frilly dresses on the shelves. I knitted all my own stuff when I was pregnant with my first son.

  269. John S Says:

    Hey all, congrats to Candie. I just wanted to ask a quick question. Im off my ADs and have been for a couple of weeks but Im still anxious about drinking alcohol and I havent really done so this year. But its my mates birthday and i really want to go out and do what I used to do which is not necessarily get steaming drunk but have maybe 6 pints or something but its like Im concerned about how I’ll feel the day after (ie, more anxious, increased DP) or how I’ll feel when Im drinking. I used to enjoy it obviously. Should I just treat it with the same ‘whatever attitude’ as everything else because I might be giving my anxiety to much respect by not doing if that makes sense. Any posts back would be appreciated and for the record I quite like Bernard aswell!
    John S

  270. Shirley D Says:

    What about Theophilus – no of the more unusual names i have come across on my ancestry. Bearing in mind the majority were John’s and Williams, that one was a real corker.

  271. Scarlet Says:

    “Should I just treat it with the same ‘whatever attitude’ as everything else because I might be giving my anxiety to much respect by not doing if that makes sense. ”

    Hi John,

    I would say YES to this, have a great night out and don’t think too deeply about how you ‘may’ feel afterwards.

  272. lisa Says:

    go with the flow john, i go out on sunday nights, a good laugh, few drinks bit of karaoke, i get that hazy feeling but by tea time i feel great.if you feel rubbish or anxious it paases in its own time. dont avoid not going out because of how you might feel next morning, you might not even feel it. i like kyle,callum, curtis, lee, but knowing you candie you wont make your mind up until he arrives..lol x

  273. Candie Says:

    Hi Everyone

    Thankyou for the lovely well wishes :)

    Some interesting names you have all come up with there, Paul… i think Bernard may be growing on me ya know lol- good thinking Lisa! 😀

    The only name i have come up with so far is Max, its a traditional name but not too common which is what im looking for….. David ofcourse wont agree to anything even though it was him who concluded i could pick the name if it was a boy if he could chose if it was a girl- men eh!

    John i was like that about drinking, but after 5 months or so i went out and was fine had no anxiety and the next day i felt so eleviated about it all i didnt even have hangover- mind you i did drink water and eat when i got in which always helps eh! I found that hangover never made the mental side to anxiety worse for me, just the physical like headache or feeling a bit shakey or energyless. Honestly one day i went out from 1 in the afternoon till 12 on a night (hen do!) and the next day i was hungover but didnt feel much worse of anxiety wise- its prob the dehydration that does it more then anything and the fact u worry that you may feel that way.

    Hey Lisa let me know if you spot out nice, im of shopping next week for some boys clothes 😀 Davids mam came in last night with a tigger all in one blue outfit which is lovely and a johnsons baby essentials bath box- packed with johnsons stuff…. i was really impressed 😀

  274. Paul David Says:

    What about Theophilus – no of the more unusual names i have come across on my ancestry.

    Ha ha that one made me laugh Shirley, O.k just to let everyone know I will hopefully be putting a new post up on Monday. Not been around much as I am still working on updating the book, nearly there now.

    Paul

  275. john s Says:

    Hey guys , thanks for your posts back. They encouraged me to go out last night. I had thoughts about not drinking and just going along but i went for it and it wasnt to bad. I even had a little boogie. Sure my condition was hovering in the back of my mind but i just went with it and shrugged my shoulders. It wasnt a brilliant night but i never expected that. It wasnt bad either so definite progress. This morning i have had passing moments of what feel like normality or how i remeber it used to be. Only for like a minute but must be progress. I have a bit of an headache mind! Plus im at work at 1 but only for a couple of hours. Thanks again for your posts guys
    John S

  276. lisa Says:

    nice one john, plan another night out , it gives you something to look forward to :-) .

  277. Scarlet Says:

    Great to hear this John… Sounds like you had an OK time. Like Lisa said, get planning the next ‘outing’ as they’re all valuable brain retraining.

    _____________

    Stephen,

    How you doing. After listening to the news, just wanted to check things are OK for you and your family down under. Let us know.

  278. john s Says:

    I like the way You say brain retraining because it really does feel like that. Its like work and going into Uni get a little bit easier every time.
    Im going to take my girlfriend out for valentines day next weekend so im taking your advice. She’ll appreciate it aswell no doubt!

  279. Ben Says:

    Well, another weekend and another setback. Which to be honest is cool as it means last week was anxiety free! Its funny how these setbacks seem to come along in holidays and weekends – I’m convinced it is either down to the fact that I have more time on my hands to think about stuff, or the fact that this is the time when I usually have a few beers (or probably a combination of the two!).

    I have also noticed a few more (or should I say different) symptoms popping up from nowhere too – blushing quite a bit and randomly losing my thread in the middle of a conversation/story due to a sudden awareness of the fact that everyone is watching me… (really strange!). I think these are just new challenges on the road to recovery so I’m not going to let them become another mega-symptom and just take the the sod it approach with these two – what do you reckon Paul ?? It’s like the anxiety has realised it is starting to lose the battle and is trying a few nasty tricks as a last ditch attempt to win!!!!

  280. lisa Says:

    ben , just laugh them off, up yours and carry on with your conversation. nice one john dont forget me chocs..lol :-) . just come back from a night out, karaoke was cancelled cos of the snow :-( . gutted!!

  281. andrew Says:

    Hi everyone.

    Went about 2 weeks without very low anxiety – felt great. It seems like the when I get an attack they come at night when I wake up from a bad dream and my heart palpitates. Last night I went to bed perfectly fine, but then woke up with repeating dreams and felt an anxiety attack come on. I tried not to give it any attention, but it took a while for my adrenaline to settle down. Does anyone else get these attacks upon waking up at night? During the day I am usually fine. I wish I can get rid of these palpitations. I wonder if my subconscience is still running in the background when I am sleeping… just a thought.

  282. Emily Says:

    This obsessive thinking is really tough right now.
    Is it common that something little that has happened to me that’s a bit uncomfortable become distorted and then is something I can’t seem to stop thinking and hashing over?
    I also have a big stress in my life, so I’ve heard that can cause one to distract themselves with some obsessive thought. I guess that’s what’s going on for me.
    I’m doing my best to trust your advice that this isn’t a bad thing, but a setback that will bring me one step closer to recovery…
    All the best to everyone.

  283. Paul David Says:

    Andrew don’t try to get rid of anything ‘When you have palpations, allow them to beat as much as they want, look at it with interest and not fear’ the way to rid yourself of any symptom is not to care if its there or not, that way it has no fear to feed on. My heart would race sometimes but it was o.k, no big deal, it was just adrenalin. Its all about your attitude to any symptom, that is the key.

    Paul

  284. lisa Says:

    andrew they do go when you loose your fear of them, like paul said just let them beat,not sure how old you are but if youv been running or had “naughties” as candie calls it your heart beats faster its no diferent. i have a big stress going on at the moment emily, i think about mine but no it will be sorted, yours will to, when it comes in i allow it but carry on what im doing, when its sorted it will go just like mine will, but let it come and go :-)

  285. Emily Says:

    Lisa, Does “sorted” mean obsessive or distorted/blown out of proportion?
    :) thanks

  286. andrew Says:

    Hi, Paul —

    Thanks for your encouragement. It is frustrating for me because I go to sleep just fine, but it’s when I wake up usually in the middle of the night and my heart starts to beat fast automatically — that when my anxiety level goes up. Some days I am able to ignore it and just fall back to sleep and other days I get physical sensations in my head and I feel an attack coming on. I know I am doing a lot better, but I still have this hill to get over, and it seems difficult right now.

  287. andrew Says:

    Hi lisa,

    Thanks. What are naughties? I jog regularly. I am 33 and in pretty good health. My nerves are still sensitized. I hope with time the palpitations will go away for good.

  288. Scarlet Says:

    Lol I love the word ‘sorted’ it’s a Northern England expression, which means resolved..

  289. lisa Says:

    andrew “naughties” means making love..lol :-) thanks scarlet x :-)

  290. LORRYT Says:

    hiya

    dont do things like that any more, realise the consequences ! KIDS !.

    ANYWAY…..been following things but tying to keep away, starting to see anxiety for what it really is….. things are looking good. have really been starting to enjoy life feel like im living again, have regained my sense of humour. despite the fact that my job is under threat and my hubbys possibly too. but what will be will be i cant change it any more and it is finally starting to sink in .

    hope you Candie are keeping well and all of you lot too.

    at work at mo so cant type tooo much , but may add later

    all the best

  291. BRANSON JOYCE. Says:

    HEY ALL!

    I had a Anxiety attack aroung 2 1/2 months ago was soooo freaky, I’m not on any meds and just trying to deal with it, I get the odd day’s when I feel off but have had no major panic attacks. I do mainly have a dry mouth and keep drinking water, my GP told me to go swimming to relax. I don’t like indoor pools that we have in london. will jogging be ok to do ? When I feel off I just try and forget it and get on with it. Its all odd but we must just try to get on with our life.

  292. Chloe Says:

    For me it is the not sleeping which is the worst. I have probably always suffered from anxiety but it never used to affect my sleep. About 2 yrs ago I had a panic/anxiety attack – not the 1st i’d had – but this time it seemed to affect me more as it stopped me sleeping one night, which I think then introduced the idea that I couldn’t sleep in my head. Since then I get these bouts of insomnia depending on my anxiety levels. But when I moved to Dubai 7 months ago, I had just gone on a low dose of anxiety tabs, but I only took them for 2-3 wks cos I life was going well and i was sleeping properly. I was then completely fine for a few months and was starting to forget I ever had a problem. Then in July I had a setback, in the form of a guy(!) The man trouble has been ongoing since then and so has my axiety and sleeplessness. I need to knock this sleep problem on the head cos it really makes my anxiety much worse. Looked into sleep hypnotherapy but it’s too expensive… I generally exercise to tire myself out. Haven’t done much this week, maybe that’s the problem. I went to bed at 5 last night after going out drinking, then woke up around 10 and am now feeling awful! Just wish I could sleep….

  293. Keyena Says:

    I am going to be starting 10mg of prozac today. it will be my first time taking it so im nervous. I’m taking it because I have anxiety panic disorder. I have been taking 0.5 mg of ativan for over a month.
    If you’ve taken prozac please give your reviews on it (good or bad) and will i feel any different taking it or does it truly take 2-4 weeks to feel any change/better?

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