Taking a break from anxiety

O.k I hope everyone enjoyed a bit of off topic in the last post, we did seem to go back on topic from time to time, but we shared some stories and some laughs and got to know more about each other. This was not just an off topic subject, it was also designed to give people a break and leads me to my next topic.

I know Scarlet has mentioned to others the need to take a break and I have mentioned it a lot in the past and in my book, but never have I put a post up about it, so I thought if I went into more detail it would make a good post and hopefully help people.

It is very important to take some time out from the subject of anxiety. Its great to finally find information that can help and very helpful to read it, but sometimes people can immerse themselves in the subject, google symptom after symptom, spend hours looking for the answers that will make it all go away. People who have been here a while know that last year I set up a forum and within a few weeks closed it down, not only did I take on too much, but I thought it was not helping people on here in the long run. I have never liked forums as they can become addictive and people spend far too time on them, telling people about their problems, helping others with theirs, reading about other peoples symptoms, day in day out and miss on out the vital time outs that we need. It is the same if someone is depressed and went on a forum hearing peoples storys of depression each day, it tends to just drags you down even furthur.

The mistake so many make is that they chase recovery and don’t let it come to them. In this I mean they will spend hours everyday looking up all their symptoms, spend hours looking for and chasing that elusive cure that will make a symptom go away instantly. I can’t tell you how much time I wasted trying to ‘rid’ myself of anxiety and not just live with anxiety there. I never considered just living and letting my body regain its balance, I fought with myself daily, I had to get rid of these feelings, why do I feel like this? , why am I not getting better? , will this ever go away? , what if I do this, will this help? , I never had a break from the subject, I made the mistake of trying to fight and think my way better, this was just like hitting a broken leg with a hammer, it would never recover.

It is also very important to put all symptoms under the umbrella of anxiety and don’t try to seperate and work on each one individually. Nothing saddens me more than people asking about advice here on a certain symptom and then asking about another the day after, then another symptom the week after. I just know they are going to go round in circles finding something else to worry about, something else to google. You don’t need to seperate each symptom, just see anxiety as one. Worrying about each symptom indivdually will create 20 different things to worry about, putting it all under the umbrella of anxiety, you can never have more than one.

There has been a lot of good advice recently about just living your life from people on here who have come through. I went from a person who did nothing but consume himself with how he felt, hide away from everything, spend my days feeling sorry for myself, to one who just said ‘Enoughs, enough’ the only way to feel normal again is to live as normal life as possible. Instead of feeling sorry for myself I would go for a swim, instead of worrying about how I felt I would get my bike out, instad of spending hours trying to figure a way out of this hell, I would take a walk, instead of hiding away I began to socialise again. Things were odd at first as I was changing a habit I had got into, but by living my life and not living it trying to rid myself of anxiety each day, I felt the old me returning, I began to feel more normal. My day had something else in it but immersing myself in how I felt, it had a break, something else to concentrate on.

I remember going for a swim when I was probably at my worst, full of anxiety and D.P. I wanted to just shut the world away and not go out, but I went. I arrived in the changing rooms and felt weird, but I got changed and into the pool. I was somewhere else half the time, my mind reverting back to me, but it was o.k, things would not change overnight. I finished my swim and got changed and again felt odd and a little anxious, but that was fine. When I arrived home I was happy that I did what I did and felt just a little better, nothing major but a little better. I went every week after that, not demanding or expecting anything and within a few weeks I felt almost normal at times, doing normal things was beinging to feel normal, when at first it was the other way around. I remember when I first felt I had recovered, I had an odd feeling of strangeness and that’s because feeling normal felt strange, like a prisoner first let out of jail, my body needed time to adjust to feeling normal. This is what I mean when I say it comes in layers. A lot of people don’t want to go through anxiety, they think yes, yes, this is all well and good, but I would rather have the quick route and find the answer to make it all go away today, so off they go on their merry way, googling again, going on numerous forums asking questions on how to get rid of this damn thing, they just end up going around in circles, chasing their own tail and getting nowhere.

Going back to forums, some are good, but there are many that are poorly moderated and people who are looking for help end up trying to help others and you end up with plenty of conflicting advice that helps nobody. Also as I say I think they can become addictive and people can end up spending too much time there and not just living their life.

A blog I feel is more helpful as one person is posting advice and then people answer questions and discuss things afterwards on that certain topic. There is no option too google away on here, your not having loads of conflicting advice and not being bombarded with information daily. I want people to come here and read what is relative to them and take away any advice, live their life and use the information given. I to have breaks where I don’t come on for a few days, I have just learnt the need to add plenty of things into my day and do some living, its not an anxiety thing, its just I spend so much time working on the computer, I need some healthy time out.

So to sum up, live your life however you feel, don’t let anxiety make decisions for you, go out and do things, doing so may seem weird at first, that’s o.k as we are changing a habit. But living a normal life is where normal feelings will come back, emotions, your bodys reactions. Do everything you would normally do if you did not have anxiety or D.P, this is the key. Its o.k to have anxiety, its o.k to have D.P, this needs to be your attitude and the opposite of spending your day trying to rid yourself of it.

I hope this helps and people can relate to it.

For more help and information on anxiety visit

www.anxietynomore.co.uk

For more information on my book ‘At last a life’ Visit

www.anxietynomore.co.uk/the_book.html

296 Responses to “Taking a break from anxiety”

  1. lisa Says:

    a good post paul i couldnt agree more. my cold better just left with an annoying cough now lol..you said your doing a sponsored run but you never mentioned where?me and candie are going to meet up and cheer you on but we dont no where your having it? hope your well paul :-)

  2. Kashawn Says:

    Awesome post Paul re-enforces everything nicely.
    Thank you

  3. Scarlet Says:

    Excellent advise Paul, sometimes we need to have a wee break, just to be able to digest all the information we have read and not bombard ourselves with yet more and start going around in loops. A small break can sometimes make us see more clearly and then we are able to put things in perspective.

    I must admit I found this hard at first as I couldn’t stop my finger reaching for the google button (I know a lot of you will relate), to search yet again for ‘anxiety’ on my endledss quest to find that little titbit of into, but as I recovered and started seeing evidence that living ‘normally’ was actually working and this was the way to go, I was able to take more breaks.

    Xmas is a good time to have a break, so why not set yourself a little challenge and say for Xmas day/Boxing day I will not look at any anxiety pages on the computer and will live my life as normal as possible. Anyone up for the challenge of a couple of google free days?? ;-)

    I’m off on a 3 day trip, back Sun/Mon.

    Lovely weekend all.

    x

  4. candie Says:

    I agree- google makes us so self destructive! I used to diagnose myself with allsorts from tourettes to schitzophrenia!! I am totally over it now, and if i hadn’t of let curiousity get the better of me i’d of never worried about various what ifs. We are so vulnerable to interpretation when we have anxiety…. we link one symptom to another illness and a wave of panic just flows over us and then we google for more clarity! It is a vicious circle. I used to do it for ages, then i cheekily went to Paul to make me feel better after doing it and he was very blunt which is what i needed! He told me i was too involved with the anxiety subject- so i didnt look at any info for a few days and i must say i felt tons better. Now i dont go on any other sites at all- if you have another site thats positive information that runs along what your learning here then great… but if not then stay clear as you are hindering your own recovery.

    Have a lovely trip Scarlett, how lucky you are to get away!! Hope your going somewhere really nice x

  5. Fiona Says:

    Hey guys, i’ve decided to join the chat as i’ve been using the site since May but never posted. Im 31, a school teacher and anxious since january.

    Just to say cheers for all the great advice especially those like Scarlett, Amy and Frank who have recovered and offer advice on how you get there. I think its important to keep off the anxiety subject when ever possible. I have never, ever not done anything like work socialising etc because of my anxiety even if i have felt awful i’ve never given in. I’ve been making great progress, but anxiety can sneak in the back door sometimes when you are still sensitised. Unfortunately the time you immerse your self in it is when your on a setback which is the exact time you should be accepting and getting on with your life. I watched the bloody programme last night about the stopping smoke drug, which has set my nerves jangling, butr like every setback it’s a learning curve. Back to work and away from anxiety for me. Hope your all having a good day xxx

  6. Paul David Says:

    Firstly I have to apologise for not reading the above post through as there were a few grammer mistakes in there and it did not read right in certain areas, I have now adjusted it.

    Lisa the run is going to be in Wakefield on the 5th of April. I am still in training and hopefully will peak enough to be able to run all the way. Mike from the blog is coming along also, hopefully maybe have a drink and a chat after, your very welcome to laugh at me puffing along : )

    Candie, your never cheeky lol and you have come so far in the last few months and post excellent advice now, as I say the more you learn the more other things makes sense.

    Scarlet sometimes we don’t know if something will work until we try it, a lot of my advice was trial and error, but the main thing was I thought well I am immersing myself in the subject and I am feeling worse, so why don’t I try the opposite. It then made sense why this worked. It is very important, but sometimes when we first find good advice, we just want to know more, but when we take too much on we don’t digest anything, espcially when our mind is tired anyway. I agree digest the information and then take a break, digest some more, take a break. Also thanks for hanging around, your advice is helping many people and I have always said the best advice comes from those who have come through.

    Fiona, welcome to the blog, I hope it has been helpful to you.

    Paul

  7. candie Says:

    Hahaha i can just imagine you running in your 80s spandex shorts Paul!! Are you setting up a sponsorship page on the site so we can sponsor the charity you are both running for? Maybe those of us who arn’t running could do our own little fund raising idea to contribute too… could be fun!! Lisa we could ask our families to sponsor us to wear our blue rinse wigs doing a bunjee jump or somet haha… ok maybe the wigs but i dont think our nerves would ever forgive us for the bunjee jump :p

    Hi Fiona welcome to the blog :D

  8. fiona Says:

    Apologies for my awful grammer and syntax!! I was in a rush! :-)Thanks for the welcome and visiting the website has been unbelievably helpful.
    Fiona

  9. candie Says:

    Awww Fiona i think Paul meant his actual Post on ‘taking a break from anxiety’ not yours :) As far as im aware Paul doesnt edit posts unless they are full of text talk etc. Some of my grammar is awful sometimes, i blame msn haha- without realising it you pick up the lingo and type shorthand! Lisa, are you coming online any time today for a thrashing at minesweepers?! Your catching my score up now and im not impressed!

  10. fiona Says:

    Awww i see!! lol. I wasn’t sure what the old moderating involved!! Maybe Paul has so much time on his hands he rewrites all post in perfect english. Hahaha

  11. Eva Says:

    Hi everyone

    I think this website is great and without a shaddow of a doubt is the best anxiety aid on the internet. It totally amazes me that doctors and even the general public (including myself) dont have greater understanding of this illness. As Paul’s said before if we were even aware of the likely symptoms prior to falling ill it is probably a step in the right direction. I mean if we have a cold we dont think “oh my god there’s stuff coming out of my nose…i’m going to die”. I think that with the credit crunch and current economic climate alot more people will start to suffer from anxiety and the UK are in no better position in making people aware of it.

    I myself have suffered from obsessive/disturbing thoughts, about not wanting to be here anymore. Although it has affected every part of my life, I now understand that I’m normal, something anxiety sufferers fear that they aren’t. Dont get me wrong it absolutely petrifies me that I feel this way and yes i get really upset about it on a daily basis, but I’m trying to cope with it best I can.

    I’m going to try and go back to work tomorrow even although the mornings are really terrible in particular. Does anyone have any advice on what to do when these feelings and thoughts overwhelm me tomorrow? Fiona you seem to have got through this hurdle and would really appreciate your adice. I feel that anxiety has robbed me of so much and i wish I had it all back. Even although i dont want to go back to work I know that it will maybe help with my recovery and help me get back to being me.

    Many Thanks

    Evax

  12. Paul David Says:

    No it was me Fiona not you : )

    I have give up on re writing posts now, Lisa is the worst but I like her so much I put up with it, just text talk I try and keep to a minimum, as not everyone can understand it.

    Hey Candie I have all the gear now, expensive trainers, illumounous jacket, proper shirt and shorts, I look like a pro and run like a slug : )

  13. Paul David Says:

    Eva we posted at the same time, your right though it is very hard to find good advice and everyone here makes it a great place to be. I will come back and comment later on your post, just going out for my weekly 5 a side.

  14. lisa Says:

    thanks paul your toooooooo kind..lol.yes candie im up for the sponsor and blue wigs. as long as there is no curry in sight yuk!!!!! . il be on later to thrash you at minesweepers iv had workmen in all afternoon but none of them good looking im afraid.i could do with the guy from the diet coke advert in to do me tileing in bathroom,he could scrub my back at same time…;-)

  15. John Says:

    Hi everyone,
    The problem I having is forgiving myself for thinking I had all these mental illnesses. I mean how can I get over the fact that I thought I might be schizophrenic or bipolar and that I let myself get that far. I been really down about this lately. I mean I remeber the thoughts I had during the day and sometimes I cant forgive myself. Its funny in that I could always forgive everyone but I cant do it for myself.Anyone have any advice. This is one of the biggest hurdles I have.

  16. fiona Says:

    John, you will get over it! Everyone worries about having another mental illness. Thats why Paul puts it down as a ‘what if’. Your terrifed of the thought and giving it too much respect. Eventually you’ll see that it still not happened yet so maybe, just maybe your anxious state is making you worry about something that is not true. Hope this helps. But with any scary thought it takes time to get through it.
    Fiona

  17. fiona Says:

    Im looking for a bit of advice also, basically from people that are making good progress or recovered.
    I’m at a point where i’m pretty much unimpressed with symptoms and set backs are fewer and don’t last as long.
    The problem is i think about anxiety alot and thats fine because its been a big part of my life for ten months so i’m obviously going to think about it. But i’m starting to get a bit maybe frustrated about thinking about it so much. It reminds me of when i was younger i fancied the pants off i guy i went to uni with and thought about him and obssessed about him for months but nothing came of it and i just moved on and stopped thinking about it.
    What i really want to know is when do you draw the line under anxiety.
    Scarlet said something about it being something she ‘used to do’.I just wanted some opinions on when people felt they had moved on.
    Cheers
    Fiona

  18. Paul David Says:

    Eva : I’m going to try and go back to work tomorrow even although the mornings are really terrible in particular. Does anyone have any advice on what to do when these feelings and thoughts overwhelm me tomorrow? Fiona you seem to have got through this hurdle and would really appreciate your adice. I feel that anxiety has robbed me of so much and i wish I had it all back. Even although i dont want to go back to work I know that it will maybe help with my recovery and help me get back to being me.

    Many Thanks

    Evax

    Eva there is nothing to do but go to work and live along side your feelings, its all about not do, not ‘do’ as if you try to do something about it you are fighting something that is normal in the circumstances. Again its like having a cold and saying can someone tell me how to get rid of it, you can’t you just have to go through it, its the same with anxiety. It is all the trying to do something about it and all the worrying and obsessing that keeps anxiety alive. Go to work and however you feel you feel, but just carry on with your day, you may feel awful, but try not to let it bother or frustrate you, however you feel you will get through, you always do. The day you say o.k I have anxiety, it makes me feel terrible, but from now I am not going to worry or try to do something about it, this gives your mind and body the break it needs. Don’t think this is you forever, it may seem like that but its not. I suffered for 10 years because I did the opposite of the above, boy did I battle with myself each day, worry, obsess, fight, until I realised there was no battle to be had.

    Paul

  19. Nicole Says:

    Hi again,
    I am having alot of doubting thoughts lately like “What if this is not anxiety at all” “what if all of this stuff that I have been learning is a waste”. It’s wierd to say, but if I could convince myself that all it is, is just anxiety then I would relax because I know that it is something that I can recover from. I have come pretty far in recovery and it is like my brain has come up with the scariest thought it can which is – what if you are not recovering? what if you are just imagining all of this? Kinda existential I know. Can anyone relate?
    I can’t find something to put my mind at ease from these thoughts today. Any words of advice?
    Thanks,
    Nicole

  20. Nicole Says:

    Just reading over my post and realized that I am “What if’ing” myself into a state! I think that I am going to give myself a good kick in the rear end for letting myself go down that road AGAIN and just get on the with the day!

  21. John Says:

    I think one of my probles is that I cant forgive myself. You are toatally right fiona. I mean the only reason I went to that conclusion was the fact that I bever felt out of control and bu taking anti anxiety meds. It made me more anxious as funny as that sounds. I mean I read the side effects and the fact that i could hallucinate and turned that into something else. I mean I been fighting with myself if I have anxiety or not over these past few months especially when I start accepting and then I go back and forth and doing exactly what Nicole was doing. Its just hard to realize that I can recover from this. I mean I use to be a kid at heart. I still liked toys but for decorative purposes and collecting them for it was difficult to get them as a child. I also have a hard time with being the fact that I am going to be a nurse and wondering how can I help someone else if I cant help myself. i guess thats why I want to push recovery. But I cant. i also wonder is there a point in recovery where you can just not look at your thoughts as something else. I also was wondering how do you know what your are doing is to let go of anxiety or if your testing yourself. I did this all summer. i mean once i found out that I had gad…I was like ok let see if my old fears, that I had gotten over as a kid, thought about them again and then I started thinking did I really get over them and all these what ifs. I guess by writing this i realize this is all what ifs.I have to stop questioning and start living. Its funny after writing it out it seems to make more sense.

  22. John Says:

    You are toatally right fiona. I mean the only reason I went to that conclusion was the fact that I bever felt out of control and bu taking anti anxiety meds. It made me more anxious as funny as that sounds. I mean I read the side effects and the fact that i could hallucinate and turned that into something else. I mean I been fighting with myself if I have anxiety or not over these past few months especially when I start accepting and then I go back and forth and doing exactly what Nicole was doing. Its just hard to realize that I can recover from this. I mean I use to be a kid at heart. I still liked toys but for decorative purposes and collecting them for it was difficult to get them as a child. I also have a hard time with being the fact that I am going to be a nurse and wondering how can I help someone else if I cant help myself. i guess thats why I want to push recovery. But I cant. i also wonder is there a point in recovery where you can just not look at your thoughts as something else. I also was wondering how do you know what your are doing is to let go of anxiety or if your testing yourself. I did this all summer. i mean once i found out that I had gad…I was like ok let see if my old fears, that I had gotten over as a kid, thought about them again and then I started thinking did I really get over them and all these what ifs. I guess by writing this i realize this is all what ifs.I have to stop questioning and start living. Its funny after writing it out it seems to make more sense.

  23. John Says:

    Just so you know James you cant turn into Gad into schizophrenia. You cant get it from smoing canabbis. Even though my thoughts have made me think about it your not. It is the saying that since your questioning it your are not. Schizophrenics do not question that they are. They just are.

  24. PAUL McG Says:

    I was one of those people who immersed themselfes in the subject of anxiety and furthermore the forum that never was ! Although i didnt see it at the time this ,most certainly only made me worse . I dont comment much at all these days on the site , i dont feel the need to , because slowly but surely the anxiety has lost its battle with me , my life is changing and i have more good days than bad , i never used to have any good ones , and didnt think i ever would ! Paul , the advice he has provided , and the very fact i knew this site was here if i needed it , is the only reason i have made the progress i have , my journey is not complete , but the very fact i have managed to peel back the many layers of anxiety that controlled my life , has now given me the opportunity and ability to deal with other issues , that would have been impossible before , so the message is take a step back from the symptoms and the topic of anxiety , once you understand how it all works and what you need to do to get better , stick in there everyone , and thanks Paul for being the inspiration behind , my and many others recovery

  25. Nicole Says:

    Hi Paul,
    I have always found your posts very helpful and I just want to thank-you for putting things in perspective. It has helped me today. I am going to take a step back, I know that I need to as I feel so saturated with anxiety knowledge that it is just not helping. I can’t thank-you enough Paul either. Your work and guidance have made a huge difference to me.

    Nicole

  26. Nicole Says:

    Oops! I should have addressed my first thoughts to Paul McG and the other to Paul David.
    Sorry about that!
    Have a great week-end all. I know that I am looking forward to mine. I have put myself through the wringer these past few days.
    Nicole

  27. Paul David Says:

    Paul Mcg and Nicole its my pleasure, the only thing I aim to achieve is for people to get the mesaage I put across and that it helps them, anxiety will only hold as much power as you let it. Your words only want me to pass on what I know even more.

    Regards Paul

  28. Sam Says:

    Hey scarlet,Candie, Paul,

    I was having a bad week but since wedesnday i took a turn or the better…trying to stay positive…hard but not impossible. Hey Scarlet and candie i will challenge myself and bring my wife for a romantic weekend up north Montreal, Canada…yes its snowing here..

    Before i go Scarlet + Candie and Paul thanks for the advice it really helps and puts a smile on my face….you guys are really alot of peoples inspirations,,

    Sam

  29. lou Says:

    Hi,

    My anxiety is very high at the moment that I am surviving on minimal sleep. I tend to go off to sleep ok then I wake a few hours later and thats me awake for the rest of the night. No time to rest the next day with a toddler to look after. My question is when I wake my thoughts go wild, should I stay in bed as I have done for a few hours anyway or get up straight away and do something?…. any advise would be grateful received.

    Also I’m struggling with the emotion attached to a thought (second fear is that called?)…. not the physical symptom as these no longer bother me although they are intense. I’m trying to accept these thoughts but it’s almost obsessional that they round and round..(would Will’s book be of benefit to me?). I know my latest anxiety is Body dismorphia and although I do suffer with a dissatisfaction in my looks, although I am told the opposite and In my heart of hearts I know I’m not a freak I just want perfection. Anything less than perfection in every aspect of my life is not good enough and I try to control this….. Is that a classic sympton of an anxiety sufferer?

    Hoping for a better night sleep tonight…. Thanks all.

  30. lou Says:

    Also I know its common for us to take on too much at one time. I have just completed a meditation class, which I found at this stage in my anxiety to be hell being left alone fighting to switch off my thoughts unsuccessfully(but feel guilty for not mastering it)…. also Im now 2 weeks in to a Spirituality course…. which I am finding a bind and just more info I’m struggling to take in. Also I do a Yoga class which in an already tired body/ brain is also a struggle (although when axiety is moderate I quite enjoy it)… I feel I should take a step back but I’m also scared that if I take a step back from the above I’m letting anxiety control me even more…. having said that I live a very busy life during the day with my child.

    Advise would be gratefully received. Thanks again.

  31. Helz Belz Says:

    Hi everyone,

    it recently occurred to me if it was possible that my feelings of anxiety could be related to finishing my degrees? i always got a little anxious when writing dissertations, and always had the feeling that i should always be working on them. now that i am all finished, i have this general feeling inside that i should be doing something else, no matter what it is, almost like i can’t completely relax, feeling like there is something else i should be doing. like when i am reading a book or drawing, i dont enjoy it at all. i dont seem to enjoy anything at the moment and its really getting me down. maybe i am trying too hard to enjoy things, its so long since i have felt like i can really just relax. sometimes the thought of doing anything that isnt on the computer (have been using the computer so much for the last 2 years for work its hard to be away from it) i get this feeling of dread and panic in my body that makes me hold back. the feeling is really depressing, like i wont ever be able to just do things and enjoy them again

    has anyone else had feelings like that, or is it just me? -x-

  32. John Says:

    Hey Helz,
    I basically did the same thing. In the sense that I isolated myseld from the things that I love to do. I automatically found a reason to stop doing something. For example, like video games. I thought maybe I would be violent if I played them but I enjoyed them so much before. I also did this with books and movies. I have gotten to a point by using Pauls advice to keep on going and have noticed even though I might not enjoy it 100 percent of the time. It does come back sometimes where I get to enjoy it. Like last night I watched a movie that I saw in the summer during the height of my anxiety. I watched it last night without any thought to my anxiety.I also have days where it is hard for me to enjoy anything. Before my anxiety attack. I enjoyed everything and when I mean everything like just going to the bathroom badly and that relief that you feel after lol. I have had that same exact thought so many times over. I finally took Pauls and his read his friends book Will. It about the secondary thought process and it for the second day I can go to sleep with ease. I think that if you just let it be you will be yourself again. Just dont push yourself. I seem to want o do this everyday. I have to just give up but its nots giving up. Its almost like relasing it. I want the feeling again too.The ablity to have a quiet mind and just enjoy life is something I took for granted but now I will apreciate as I move towards recovery. I hope this helped.

  33. John Says:

    Hey Lou,
    You are putting anxiety on top pf anxiety. This is what we all do. Its like the sleeping. Your anxiety is keeping you awake but you get more anxiety because you cant sleep which means your tired and then you think you will get more anxiety because you did not sleep. This is what happened to me. I would take tylenol pms so I could sleep and also as a way with not dealing with my toughts. I think the best thing I did was just to let go in the sense that if i didnt sleep I would lay there and be ok with that. The fact that you are laying in bed helps. This was hard to do because I alwayd loved to sleep but it finally lead me to sleep at night. The next thing you can do is exercise and just go about your day. But dont force anything.

  34. lou Says:

    Thanks John! Just interested to know if Tylenol is a prescription drug? Refusing to take any meds as I want to deal with this head on and I know if I personally start taking meds I will constantly use it as a crutch.

  35. John Says:

    Also Lou,
    With meditation dont expect it to be good at all times. Just if you really want to do that dont expect it to do anything right away. It takes practice but again dont force it. Do it twice aday. Once when you wake up and once when you go to sleep. Keep doing it for no more then five minutes and if you feel frustrated just chalk it up to practicing. I mean great soccer players didnt become that way overnight. Eventually you will move up ito 20 30 mins. Meditiation is an exercise but dont try and use it as a way to heal your anxiety. it give you a break and helps exercise your mind in a good way.Hope this helps

  36. John Says:

    Basically tylenol pm is benadryl an anti histamine. Its not addictive but the thing about taking sleeping pills is that it has a rebound effect. The next night you may not be able to sleep at all. Again the best thing is to eat right and exercise.

  37. Helz Belz Says:

    Hi John,
    thank you for the reply, it helps to know that i’m not the only one. one by one my feelings are becoming ‘not just me’! i had the feeling of dread an panic again today, it doesnt help that im stuck at home all day, and day after day is very hard to fill! mum said that maybe i should do a painting in the afternoon. i used to love painting, but as soon as she said it the dread kicked in and i pushed away, am not sure why, prob to do with how i’ve tried art and painting to get the old feeling i had while doing them but when i still felt ‘empty’ i didnt like that. maybe i am a bit scared of still having the empty feeling afterwards. at the same time, its a bit like having art-block, where there is no inspiration to do anything no matter how hard i try, but the anxiety is making me feel it a lot more. i do try and keep up with the art though, no matter how empty and uninspired i feel. it is very hard though.

    i know what you mean with wanting an empty mind again, i think i took that peace of having an empty mind for granted for so long! oh to have that back again! the closest i get is meditation, but even then my conscious mind is still aware of itself if that makes sense. i have had a look at Wills website, its a little confusing but i think i get what he means. that the best state of mind is not to be conscious of our thoughts, to let them flow naturally without interrupting them? i dont think my mind has run subconsciously for a very long time, and turning the conscious mind off seems nearly impossible.

    i have a few better (but not quite good!) days occassionally, but putting the info from this site and wills into practice takes…well, practice! but sometimes i still just want to curl up and cry at how i feel. i hope you get to enjoy your computer games again, and me my painting :) -x-

  38. John Says:

    Hey Helz,
    I feel that way too. It hard too. I feel someimes so upset like today. it all came back.It almost like I can feel happiness setting in but only to lose it. I just wish I could go back to the way I was. I still confused about all this stuff sometimes especially when the thoughts and the questioning come back in full force. I was organizing my nursing school paper work and found all the mental illnesses i study and read it and it all came back. I also forgot some of the symptoms i studied and it all cam back ten fold but i have to keep going forward. I sometimes wish I never went to nursing school but I want to help people. The worst thing is that I feel empty about that too. It all anxiety and the fact that people who have overcome being drug addicts and depression and anxiety gives me some hope. There is a book about a man who had polio after getting the first vaccine and was 18 years old. He suffered depression and anger and is now married with his home health aid and happy. I think that one of the things we have to get over is the fact that we have all this knowledge on what might happen with anxiety and assuming that will hapeen to us. This is what I think stops me from enjoying life. I hope I can help in anyway.

  39. lou Says:

    Hi all, Still didn’t sleep much last night… thanks for the advise John but laying in bed makes my thoughts ten times worse. I haven’t got out of bed yet but I don’t want to create another bad habit so willing to try anything (except meds) if anyone has any advise.

    Maybe my EXTRA tired mind is making me think that the acceptance method won’t work for me and that I need to see a psychiatrist… this frightens me more.

    I forced myself out on the town last night. Although to others I’m pretty sure that I seemed normal…ish, perhaps not my fun ‘old’ self but still in the land of the living. But to me the thoughts of suicide came thick and fast. Not, I want to do it but what would you all say if i did, I picture them being told… it was awful and fightens me so much… again I can’t stress how much I don’t want it… but the thought is so deep rooted. Coz of the moderate body dismorphia I now think maybe I can’t do this myself… however as mentioned before, I seek perfection, PRE severe anxiety this NEVER made me think about suicide, just a bit rubbish on and off…. I think in my Extra tired state I was wondering Is it just anxiety or something more deep rooted that I can’t self help?

    It doesn’t help that I know of someone who spends his life in and out of hospital due to his mental health… although I’m not sure of this diagnosis. Sometimes I feel positive and strong that this has happened for a reason now so that I can move on to a much more forfilling future…. but the last 6 weeks it has just be terrible..

    Sorry just finally, I have broken habits before…. like health anxiety. Infact had a health anx a few months ago, the first time in about a year and after a few days I managed to convince myself it was fine, now I don’t even think about it….

  40. Scarlet Says:

    Hi James,

    “I am also now becoming obsessed that i have mental health problems due to smoking cannabis in my teens and that my problems are far more worse than anxiety and this is just the beginning, even tho i started with a panic attack”

    James you have nothing more than anxiety, I think we all worry that it is far worse… I bet everyone here has thought they were schizophrenic at one time or another…. myself I was afraid of the word schizophrenia even, but yet couldn’t stop googling it, and identifying with an odd symptom here and there. Schizophrenia doesn’t come on over night and it doesn’t present itself with anxiety symptoms, so please put this to the back of your mind, cut off any thoughts of it being anything worse… Not long now before the big day, soon it will be over and you’ll breathe a sigh of relief.

  41. Scarlet Says:

    John Says:

    “Hi everyone I was wondering how do I know if I am forcing the issue with anxiety. I mean its like before anxiety I didnt see my thoughts as irrational or scary.I read a post about someone saying they thought what if I were a vampire. I mean I thought what if I were superman. I mean its like I always had a thing for sci fi and one of my fears was that I wouldnt be able to tell what was real or not.”
    I mean do I have to change myself to make myself free of anxiety. i feel like I lost my self and my confidence.”

    Hi John, you don’t have to change yourself, but you have to go out of your way to do things which will build your confidence up in other ways, like take your wife out, socialise, study, go to the pub, exercise, do lots of non-anxiety provoking normal everyday stuff. When you have built up your confidence more, you will be back to watching your si fi programmes/electronic gadgets with no thoughts. Your doc is right, avoid them for the time being, I should.

    “I miss having complete control over my thoughts in the sense of not getting scared of my thoughts. Does this come back. The problem is that I read what can happen to people with anxiety and then got scared. Like the reason I lost my confidence was that I saw that people can lose it and I read that people not make decisions because of it and then I started doing that. I mean is it anxiety or is it because I am a hypochondriac. ”

    John everyone with anxiety is a hypochondriac in that we constantly google our symptoms, live and breathe anxiety every minute. I was one, most definitely. Yes this goes when you are well and your self-doubting disappears. I definitely lost it myself, couldn’t make decisions at one time, as my confidence had eroded so much, but you build the confidence up gradually by getting on with ‘normal’ activities, and I promise you this fear goes.

  42. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Fiona,

    “The problem is i think about anxiety alot and thats fine because its been a big part of my life for ten months so i’m obviously going to think about it. But i’m starting to get a bit maybe frustrated about thinking about it so much. It reminds me of when i was younger i fancied the pants off i guy i went to uni with and thought about him and obssessed about him for months but nothing came of it and i just moved on and stopped thinking about it.
    What i really want to know is when do you draw the line under anxiety.
    Scarlet said something about it being something she ‘used to do’.I just wanted some opinions on when people felt they had moved on.”

    Yes, I can take it or leave it these days, it comes with practice, plus I have replaced my anxiety ‘hobby’ (obsession) with other things. I go swimming..take my kids out and about, and immerse myself in other activities. I can switch off from the topic of anxiety any time now, and switch back on when I want to, but there was a time like you that I lived and breathed it, and it was probably due to the fact that I still had some fear for it and didn’t fully understand it.. I was a while feeling like you are I recall, but there’ll come a time when ‘normal’ life will overtake your anxiety.. so carry on as you are, and resist the temptation to search anxiety sites, if you feel the urge go do something else…set yourself daily challenges where you will not do any anxiety research and build it up… it took me around 20 months in total to be fully recovered.

  43. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Helz Belz

    “have had a look at Wills website, its a little confusing but i think i get what he means. that the best state of mind is not to be conscious of our thoughts, to let them flow naturally without interrupting them? i dont think my mind has run subconsciously for a very long time, and turning the conscious mind off seems nearly impossible.
    i have a few better (but not quite good!) days occassionally, but putting the info from this site and wills into practice takes…well, practice! but sometimes i still just want to curl up and cry at how i feel.

    Wills website can be a bit confusing, especially when the thoughts are coming thick and fast and you are full of self-doubt, but what he is basically saying is that those with anxiety are ‘normal’ everyday folks who are over-reacting to ‘Normal’ OK thoughts, to the extent they are making themselves blooming miserable and can’t function properly.

    The difference with those without anxiety is that they are able to cut off their thoughts after the initial thought, and so their irrational thoughts are less frequent becasue they don’t pose any perceived threat, so for eg. I am thinking oooo what if I jump in that lake outside my house (I have a lovely huge lake outside my garden). Now when suffering anxiety I would have panicked, probably drawn my curtains and been petrified that I would jump in, in an irrational moment (I didn’t live near a lake during the time I suffered)… and I would have most definitely wanted to move house. These days I can laugh at myself and say, yeh!! as if that’s likely to happen… and I do it without a panicky reaction. This is what you need to practice, as often as you can with your irrational thoughts. you must force it at first, 100s of times a day…but then it comes naturally. You can also re-train your brain and the thoughts by distraction: exercise, sports, getting out and about doing normal everyday stuff, anything to build up your confidence.

    As for painting, well I am rubbish when it comes to art and would love to be able to paint, like Paul said, it may seem strange doing an activity with anxiety in the background, but you must do this, even though you feel odd and perhaps panicky…see if you can get some inspiration, even paint how you are feeling…

    What are you doing with your days? You mention that you are at home all day with your mum? Are you able to get out and about a bit, perhaps join a gym, art-class? You need to build up your confidence HB and then the rest will come, and you wil be able to put into practice everything what you have read..it takes time, but this is the way to go, and you can and will do it.

  44. lou Says:

    Hi Scarlet. hope you had a nice break. You are so very kind giving us advise… I am truly grateful.

    I read ages ago that these obsessional thoughts can affect you so deeply that you may never recover from them. I seem to remember reading that you were a psychologist (sorry if I’m wrong)… if so do you believe this is true? Thanks

  45. Scarlet Says:

    Lou hun,

    I haven’t forgotten you, was gonna reply to your post above, I’m just in the middle of dying my hair auburn… and had to nip off and check it, just in case it turns pink or something. (LOL)

    No I don’t believe that about obsessional thoughts at all and I believe you can fully recover from them. I am an educational psychologist, help kids with developmental issues…haven’t got a job yet mind you, so I guess at the moment I am an armchair psychologist, (a bit like a back-seat driver) ;-)
    xx

  46. Scarlet Says:

    Fiona, wanted to add

    “But i’m starting to get a bit maybe frustrated about thinking about it so much”

    I remember a nurse once told me that the reason my anxiety wasn’t going was that I wasn’t willing to let it go…Now at the time I obviosusly thought she was talking a load of crapioca, you know someone who doesn’t know the slightest thing of what I’m going through making crass statements like this…. as if I’d be likely to hold onto something that is making me feel so sh**ty!!.

    But now I actually think there was something in what she said, it’s like anxiety has become our best friend really and we can’t live without it, we are living, breathing it, ever day, every moment even… and letting it go, is pretty hard. This is why imo, we have to do it in layers (parts), and replace it with a new best ‘friend’.

  47. lou Says:

    ok thanks Scarlet, I look forward to hearing from you.

  48. Scarlet Says:

    Morning Lou,

    “My question is when I wake my thoughts go wild, should I stay in bed as I have done for a few hours anyway or get up straight away and do something?…. any advise would be grateful received.

    No, you must get up if it’s your normal waking time, never lie in bed wishing the anxiety away, it doesn’t work like that hun… otherwise you get to obsessing too much, and then you start the day off badly.. I was the same, in the end had to force myself out of bed in a morning. If it’s a night-time you are talking about, get up and read a bit, turn on the telly, put on a yoga video, relaxing music, cup of tea….then try and get your head down again. Are you taking any meds??? if not, I can recommend a herbal remedy which will help with your sleeping a wee bit..my psych gave me it when I was having problems sleeping.

    “Also I’m struggling with the emotion attached to a thought (second fear is that called?)…. not the physical symptom as these no longer bother me although they are intense. I’m trying to accept these thoughts but it’s almost obsessional that they round and round..(would Will’s book be of benefit to me?)Anything less than perfection in every aspect of my life is not good enough and I try to control this….. Is that a classic sympton of an anxiety sufferer? ”

    Will talks in his book about those who are perfectionists, and how this relates to anxiety, and yes being a perfectionist is a classic symptom. Check out Wills site. I think parts of Wills book are very useful for those almost recovered… and are still struggling with obsessive thoughts (but it can be a bit difficult to digest at times).

    “Also I know its common for us to take on too much at one time. I have just completed a meditation class, which I found at this stage in my anxiety to be hell being left alone fighting to switch off my thoughts unsuccessfully(but feel guilty for not mastering it)…. also Im now 2 weeks in to a Spirituality course…. which I am finding a bind and just more info I’m struggling to take in. Also I do a Yoga class which in an already tired body/ brain is also a struggle (although when axiety is moderate I quite enjoy it)… I feel I should take a step back but I’m also scared that if I take a step back from the above I’m letting anxiety control me even more…. having said that I live a very busy life during the day with my child. ”

    Wow Lou, you have taken on too much hun, I think you are trying to replace your anxiety ‘hobby’ with something else too fast, and unfortunately it’s not been replaced quick enough and this has left you feeling depressed and more anxious. If I were you i would take on one hobby and master it fully, I think out of the three, the yoga will be the most beneficial.

    “It doesn’t help that I know of someone who spends his life in and out of hospital due to his mental health… although I’m not sure of this diagnosis. Sometimes I feel positive and strong that this has happened for a reason now so that I can move on to a much more forfilling future…. but the last 6 weeks it has just be terrible..”

    This chappy,could be suffering from some other psychological disorder, or if it is anxiety/depression he may not have access to all the information here. What happened in the last 6 weeks Lou that made you feel so bad??

    Scarlet
    x

  49. lou Says:

    well, I stopped taking my anti-depressant around then, it was only a very mild one, but the terrible thoughts returned. So I reckon the medication perhaps didn’t do much but I felt a certain amount of protection when I took it. I can’t say I was intrusive thought free for the period before that but I certainly felt hopeful and a lot better.

    Trouble is I have read so much on the subject before I came across Pauls site and all the bad stuff has stuck. Im actually beginning to believe that anxiety has affected a lot more of my life but I never gave it the air time before so it didn’t take over… so now I’m aware it has been bubbling below the surface for so long it’s all I know.

    The self-diagnosis of Body Dismorphia is really getting to me as well. I remember reading an interview a few years ago and thinking I’ve got that (seriously) and kinda laughing at it and thinking the future is great.. but now it’s fuelling my fire…. I now think there is more wrong with me than anxiety, deep rooted issues as per the BDD website.

    Is there more wrong with me than anxiety?.. can I really recover by self help or do I need prefessional help? I’m scared to let go incase it gets so much worse….

    I do get up with my child everyday… I actually hate sitting down at all. I want to be on the go all the time and I know this is not normal.
    xxx

  50. John Says:

    I had a setback. I feel so not like myself. I guess i been home doing nothing just watching tv but I use to do this on a regular basis. I mean I enjoyed it. Scarlett I found old paperwork from my class regarding the schizoprhernia. I was away from my wife for one night and then started googling. I started thinking that this would all stop if I could find a definitve answer. I feel so angry and so sad about not enjoying my wife like I did before. I especially feel bad because she loves me and I know it hurts her too. I guess in the times I have great days. I feel like I have to fight. I want to be a strong person again. The fact that a doctor told me that i may have ms is what brought me anxiety. I do not but it put my life into a tail spin.

  51. James Says:

    i am still having trouble with the thought that smoking cannabis in my teens has caused my GAD, 6 years on. Its driving me mad. ANy practical advice?

  52. Helz Belz Says:

    Hi Scarlet,
    yea, am kinda stuck at home for now (moved back home after the end of my degree). i try and have some kind of order to my day, in the morning i go far a walk to what passes for countryside around here (its a field that used to have a house on it), then lunch, then job-hunting on the internet in the afternoon (which is pretty soul-destroying at the best of times). i have emailed my local museum to see if they want any volunteering (i have a degree in museum studies, but getting a job in a museum is near impossible it seems, so volunteering is as close to a job as i can get) so hopefully that will get me out of the house an afternoon or two a week and back with my beloved fossils.
    thinking back, i used to only draw or paint when i had inspiration or when bored in lectures, but now when i have no inspiration i panic, and it feels like i will never have inspiration again! sounds silly, but thats how it feels. instead of saying ‘oh well, maybe later i will be inspired’ i end up forcing myself to draw to prove that i still can.
    thank you for the advice! hopefully i will have a job soon, and be around people again. and if i paint something i will send it to everyone here, maybe it will help inspire others too! many thanks, h -x-

  53. candie Says:

    Hi i would just like to add something as i think it is really important that people understand this. Any thought is normal… it is not the content of the thought that makes it intrusive- its your over reaction due to your anxiety that makes it intrusive. We can go round in circles thinking our thoughts e.g thinking we could have schitzophrenia are the problem- but the thought itself is 100% healthy to have. Its the emotion, fear and obsessing about the thought that is the problem.

    I bet Scarlett still has odd thoughts- like she mensions with the lake…. i have talked to plenty of friends and they have them too. People recover from obsessive thoughts not because they stop thinking odd thoughts, but because they stop fighting them and eventually they fade. So can everyone see that its not the thoughts that causes the suffering? It is how you react- and it is very easy to over react with anxiety! I rattled my brain for ages wanting my thoughts to go- i still have a bit to go regarding my recovery but i realised something and that was that i had ‘odd thoughts’ before my anxiety. But i never gave these thoughts a second thought and never felt they where an issue in any way. If you stop wanting to rid yourself with how you think or feel (adding second fear) then you will get better.

    There is plenty of people on this blog that have recovered from every differant anxiety symptom- recovered means the symptoms are no longer an issue and then your bad habits fade. Anyone can recover, and if your mind thinks other wise then that again is just another one of them odd thoughts!

    Have a lovely sunday everyone- i start work tomorrow so i intend to rest all day lapping up my last days of lazyness haha.

  54. Paul David Says:

    Candie good luck tomorrow, let me know how you get on. Hope you had a nice break Scarlet, freezing today, just thinking if to skive on my run !

  55. John Says:

    hey candie,
    I see your point. I was feeling better and even enjoyed shoppin a little on friday. I felt like I had myself back a little bit but I pushed it. I saw the notes and decided to read them to see if I got better. Its when I start feeling a little bit better I want to say Im all better to myself. I guess that its hard to stll accept that thinking is what scared me and that you just do what you use to do to make yourself better. I even felt better to give advice. I thought I was well on my way. Accepting once ou get to a certain point seems to be the hardest thing. I just want this to be all over.

  56. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Lou,

    “I now think there is more wrong with me than anxiety, deep rooted issues as per the BDD website.

    Is there more wrong with me than anxiety?.. can I really recover by self help or do I need prefessional help? I’m scared to let go incase it gets so much worse….”

    Awwww hun, I think you have been googling far too many BDD websites, it’s almost like a self-fulfilling phrophecy. I remember myself googling schizophrenia and was convinced this is what I had, but I don’t (never had), but I was petrified about the dp I was experiencing. The way I stopped believing that I had it, was to immerse myself in other stuff… and build my confidence up by going out and about, meeting up with friends, anything to get away from the computer (which can be a double edged sword) . Have you had any counselling of any sort? I had a friend once who used to swear by NLP, and it did wonders for her self-esteem. Is this available on the NHS? (are you in the UK Lou?).

    However deep-rooted hun, I am 100% confident that it will go if you apply Pauls method… I am sure of it. Paul had anxiety for ten long years, I guess I was damn lucky with only two myself.

    ______________

    Hi John

    “Scarlett I found old paperwork from my class regarding the schizoprhernia. I was away from my wife for one night and then started googling. I started thinking that this would all stop if I could find a definitve answer.”

    Ooooo slap handies John, googling schizophrenia…. (see above my message to Lou, this was my favourite google).. I think we should put a ban on the googling for at least a month as it does us no good. There is no definitive answer when googling schizophrenia, cept more anxiety..
    As for enjoying your wife that will all come back and you will get your relationship back on track no worries, and watching TV will again become your hobby… I can watch the grass grow without a trace of anxiety now…this will be you. Just accept the way you are feeling right now, is normal for the stage in recovery you are at, and you are doing great..you have had a few good days. It took me at least a year to have a few good pink days in a week.

    ________________

    James,

    Hmmm practical advice. It doesn’t matter what got you here, and soon you will realise this. Get out and about, organise your wedding, are you honeymooning anywhere??? get planning Xmas, join a gym, get out with the lads or wife to be and stop googling.

    _____________

    Helz-Belz,

    I know how frustrating it can be being around the house all day. I don’t have a job either, but I am a mum and housewife, so I guess that is a job in itself…but I am sure my hubby would disagree ;-) .

    Museum studies sounds interesting, I hope you can get yourself a job in that area?. What other career could you use your degree in, or had you set your heart on a job in that field? I am sure when you get work and are out of the house and meeting other people, that your anxiety will pale into significance. In the meantime could you join a gym or get yourself to the swimming pool each day, anything to get out and in the real world meeting other people. I’m sure this will help you enormously.

    ___________

    “I bet Scarlett still has odd thoughts- like she mensions with the lake”

    I do indeed Candie, in fact I had a thought the other day that I might sleepwalk into the lake, or one of my kids might.. but I’m actually a good swimmer, and brushed off the thought as daft really, and I do this with any other ‘daft’ thought I may have, it took practice mind…. I think sometimes we have to go the whole hog and actually under-react to an intrusive thought (rather than over-react), and keep on doing it and this way you gain balance and your thoughts no longer become fearful, no matter what they are. Good luck with your job, hope you managed to relax on your last day of freedom.
    ______________

    Paul,

    Did you do your run? Weathers overcast here now, winters on it’s way, although not as cold as up North where you are. I am jogging each morning as well, at 6.30am, as it’s the only time I get free before my baby boy wakes up.

    ______________

    John again

    I know what you mean, I recall feeling just like you, testing myself all the time to see if I could handle a thought, which of course I couldn’t, and then the ‘what if’ thinking and self-doubt would start up again. We all do it, but the further along you get in your recovery the less you will need to test, becasue you know it will be futile, and you are getting stronger by the day, even though you don’t see it.

  57. candie Says:

    Thanks everyone- im looking forward to starting work.. it will be a culture shock been on my feet for all them hours compared to my usual lazy days! Oh well- i had to get back out there eventually lol.

    I new you would agree Scarlett- btw.. it sounds like where you live is amazing- i used to love living near the sea side when i was little… beats Hull any day haha!

    There is a lot of talk of google on this blog lately- i was the worst for it at one point… honestly, it made me so much worse and it never helps. We associate symptoms with other illnesses and of our imagination goes- scaring us senseless! If you feel like you need to google take another look at Pauls book again, even now sometimes i have a quick flick through it to refresh my memory.

    As for testing thoughts i too was really bad for that, but it is as Scarlett says- coming through builds confidence and you automatically stop needing to test your thoughts for clarity

  58. Scarlet Says:

    “As for testing thoughts i too was really bad for that, but it is as Scarlett says- coming through builds confidence and you automatically stop needing to test your thoughts for clarity”

    How true Candie…

    You know I haven’t googled schizophrenia for a year now.. ;-)

    All the best for tomorrow

    Nighty night everyone, almost bedtime here now and I’m relaxing watching a lovely movie with hubby now that kids are in bed.

    x

  59. lou Says:

    Hi Scarlett,

    Yes, Im based in the UK. Where are you? Hope you are pleased with your hair!

    I tried CBT for anxiety earlier this year. It was a slight release to discuss my life with the therapist and I was able to let go of a lot of childhood issues, however when it came to the intrusive thoughts the CBT just didn’t work. Thinking of trying CBT for the Body Dismorphia though, although I am aware of blowing this problem out of the water as that is what anxiety does I am convinced that I do/ have had it for many years.

    As for the internet it is a kind of addiction so I am going try to stay away for a bit.

    Thank you so much. x

  60. James Says:

    Scarlet, thanks for replying to me. I started a new job last Monday and with the wedding coming up i think i am struggling with an adrenaline overload. The cannabis thought is a by product of this i think. I have lost count of how many people have already told me i am not schizophrenic and that cannabis use 6 years ago has not caused my GAD.
    I think i am just getting scared now as my wedding is fast approaching and i am not happy old me. In fact the thought of wedding and honeymoon scares me at the moment, which is a shame. Sometimes life does not always deal you a good hand. :-(

    P.S. My honeymoon is in the Caribbean over Xmas and New Year. I think i need a strict life plan to get me in a happy place for when i go

  61. Eva Says:

    Hi Paul

    Thanks for your advice, just thought i’d let ou know that I went to work on Friday (although I also started a small dose of medication that day too). Everyone was really nice at work, but i couldnt help bu think I was like a haddow of my former self. However, you were right, I got through the day and although it was pretty awful, I still did it!! I’m going to keep on going with the hope that in time periods of being myself will begin to last longer and hopefully in 3weeks time I will be able to go on my works Chrsitmas night out and not feel sicka t the thought of it (as i do now).

    Does anyone else find that normal every day things that you would not have thought of as being stressful, suddenly seem overwhelming? I recently split up with my boyfriend and it absolutely scares me that I wont be able to cope with being on my own. I know that sounds really pathetic haha but it is a real fear. i’ve split up with boyfriends before, somehow this time seems different. Other things like christmas or holidays also make me feel really sick. i think it’s the fact that my scary thoughts have grabbed a hold of me, super sensitising me to everything??

  62. Scarlet Says:

    Hi James,

    “The cannabis thought is a by product of this i think. I have lost count of how many people have already told me i am not schizophrenic and that cannabis use 6 years ago has not caused my GAD.”

    I didn’t realise you meant 6 years ago, thought it was something recent. I don’t think this has brought on your anxiety, most likely you’ve had an adverse reaction to a thought which was to do with your wedding and you have panicked, thus starting a cycle of over-reacting to your thoughts…. now you are looking for explanations in your past, which is making you more anxious, but I agree with the others, the likely cause is something more recent.

    “In fact the thought of wedding and honeymoon scares me at the moment, which is a shame. Sometimes life does not always deal you a good hand.
    P.S. My honeymoon is in the Caribbean over Xmas and New Year. I think i need a strict life plan to get me in a happy place for when i go”

    This will be a great opportunity for some brain re-training James, so go do loads of honeymooning/holiday stuff, midnight walks on the beach, partying, in fact go out of your way to do lots of things that you actually feel uncomfortable with. You’ll be fine, and I’m sure will have a great time overall, just ride out any bad moments (and expect a few)…

    Eva,

    “Does anyone else find that normal every day things that you would not have thought of as being stressful, suddenly seem overwhelming? I recently split up with my boyfriend and it absolutely scares me that I wont be able to cope with being on my own.”

    Yes Eva I have felt like this, terribly insecure. But as you spend time alone, you’ll build up your confidence and won’t need to be dependent on anyone. You will cope, and you’ll be extremely proud that you did. Keep going with your job, despite feeling strange, this is bound to happen until you build up your confidence, but you did great…. work towards the Xmas party, and most definitely go, no matter how you feel.

  63. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Lou,

    Do they offer alternative therapies on the NHS? or only private? I haven’t lived in England since 1995, so I’m a bit behind with what’s offered.

    I know lots of people who had CBT and some found it very helpful, others not.. I watched this video not long ago with Paul MCKenna and he helped eliminate a womans phobia of needles, she was a nurse and had made herself housebound over something that became a phobia overnight… He did it with hypnotherapy. I have always been fascinated myself by this, and had I been in the UK might have tried therapies like this when I was suffering. I just wonder if the NHS subsidised things like this for folks suffering A&D.

    I agree about the internet being an addiction. I didn’t have a computer for 3 months over the summer, and it was great really…made me do more stuff with my kids, watched lots of old movies, listened to music, went for long walks. Hmmm I remember a time not long ago that I didn’t even possess one… I do think though having a computer helped me get over my anxiety and depression in that I was able to educate myself fully, trouble is when is enough enough?

    Lovely day hun
    x

  64. Kamini Says:

    Hi Scarlet

    I have one question. Well i have terrible headache since February this year. I always accept it as tired nerves, but we are here in Dec, but the headache are not gone. It pains almost everyday and the whole day and is affecting my eyes a lot. Everytime, every minute my attention goes to it, i say to myself it’s only tired nerves, it will pass. But nothing yet Scarlet. I feel really fed up of it.

    Please help.

  65. Stephen Says:

    Hey scarlet

    How are you? I truely think i am doing much better now and the last 2 weeks i have had very normal feelings and emotions returing which feels really good. Not giving the thoughts/feelings attention really is the ticket as i now have large moments in my day when i am not thinking about myself/how i feel which is so strange to be doing now.

    However last night and today i have felt kinda bad at times but have been stressing over my uni results, family issues and my health a little (even though im not sick i dont think) and it has made me feel bad and abit down again today. But this is what i use to do before the anxiety hit and i can see how i got myself into this dark loop. I really do stress over the smallest issues and run them over in my head time and time again trying to find a resolution when really they just need to be left alone to sort them selves out.

    The anxiety is more of a dual ache in the background now that i only feel when i think about it which is a massive improvement from it being this thing that consumed me 24/7. Sure i still get bad moments, thoughts that kinda push me off but i dont seem to be giving them attention and they sure arnt staying to bother me. I think the heath anxiety has come back a tad as i leave for holidays in 11 days YAY! and i get all sorts of stupid thoughts that something will go wrong so i cant go. Also went out on saturday night to have a few drinks with my mates and had a really good time with little to no anxiety (brain training again lol). I would say i feel 40-50 % along the recovery road as there are issues like my stress levels before anxiety that i will now also work on so soon there wont be that much that botheres me anymore.

    Stephen.

  66. samantha Says:

    hi all

    does anyone get the feeling that there is something not quite right with themselves a feeling of being odd or something about to happen

    also the only remaining thought i have is that i will never get over this whole episode and that really scares me

    anyone understand what i’m saying

    samantha

  67. lou Says:

    Morning Scarlet,

    When I spoke to my doctor earlier this year she gave me a website address to self help and said the NHS CBT was carried out in groups, also the waiting list was about 9 months…. so I paid privately! I have thought about hypnotherapy but decided against it as my husband has paid out so much over the last year to make me well when really I’m the only one who can do that!

    As you know it’s just so soul destroying when the anxiety is high… It’s such a desperate feeling that for me becomes a vicious circle of fearful thoughts.

    I can also relate to what Eva says about even the most simplist of tasks become a mega stress. I am going to try hard to live mylife as normal as poss and stay away from the anxiety for a while…. I said that last week so wish me luck! Thanks xx

  68. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Kamimi

    “I have one question. Well i have terrible headache since February this year. I always accept it as tired nerves, but we are here in Dec, but the headache are not gone. It pains almost everyday and the whole day and is affecting my eyes a lot. Everytime, every minute my attention goes to it, i say to myself it’s only tired nerves, it will pass. But nothing yet Scarlet. I feel really fed up of it.
    Please help”

    Did you ever see a doc about the headaches hun? I know they can be caused by stress/anxiety or you might be suffering a migraine. Please don’t worry that it’s anything more. I remember I sufferered terrible headaches, like a band was being tightened around my head, and loss of balance for a while when I was at my worst. Also you are pregnant, and it could be hormone related. Kamimi perhaps a trip to the docs is in order.

    Stephen,

    You are doing great, well on the road to recovery, sounds more like 75% to me. I didn’t have full pink days until well over a year into my recovery, had half pinkish days here and there will lots of grey until about 12-14 months or so…

    ” I really do stress over the smallest issues and run them over in my head time and time again trying to find a resolution when really they just need to be left alone to sort them selves out. ”

    You hit the nail on the head Stephen, I know you are getting a wee bit stressed out about uni results, but try to distract yourself with other stuff and cut off all thoughts after the initial thought, especially the ones about exam results which will get you in a loop. Whatever will be will be… Soon you won’t sweat the small stuff anymore… ;-)

    Sounds like you have been doing lots of brain re-training lately which is working, and holidays in 11 days…yay!!!!, I think you are coming along well, and don’t worry about any odd setbacks, they are still to be expected, so ride them out. I am off on holidays too for 2 weeks to hubbys family mind, so that’ll be fun…but I’m not even thinking about it beforehand, see look I’ve mastered the art of cutting off thoughts that I don’t want to take any further, it’s like I box them up for a later opening date… LOL

    Hi Sam,

    Like some impending doom is about to occur, yes I remember that one well. A weird feeling that not all is quite right, but can’t put our finger on it…this goes when you recover hun, and you will recover. I think this was one of my last fears to go as well, the fear that it would return, or that I would never be fully recovered….

    Hi Lou,

    I know about that website, had a look myself, but to sit on a computer and do CBT by yourself defeats the object really. 9 months waiting!!!!!! I think the NHS should do more to help those folks suffering, it’s terrible really that they give people ADs and pack them off home again, especially in light of the Hull research into A&Ds. I read that they were going to increase talking therapies to run alongside A&D, and this would all be covered on the NHS and be available for everyone. Looks like it hasn’t materialised yet then.

    “I am going to try hard to live mylife as normal as poss and stay away from the anxiety for a while…. I said that last week so wish me luck! Thanks ”

    Good luck hun, this is the way to go, I know it’s difficult..but give it a try for a wee while.

    x

  69. jay Says:

    had a setback over the weekend. out of shape, i tried to exercise via thredmill but everytime i end, i feel a bit dizzy. the experience creeps me as wen i went out, i felt dizzy as well. not the severe type of dizziness but kind of being unsteady like my nerves are vibrating and i cant seem to balance myself sometimes. Does this happen to you guys?

  70. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Jay,

    I had terrible dizziness and problems with balance in the first year of my suffering, particularly in the first 6 months. Now that I have recovered it has gone …but it is one of the common symptoms of anxiety and I have spoken to loads of people who suffered from this, and it seems exacerbated in those taking ADs as well.

  71. samantha Says:

    thanks scarlett

    i just cant cope with feeling anxious all the time some days its not as bad but when the thought ” i wont ever get over this happens” my anxiety hits the roof sometimes i cry i go to work , uni etc try to live a normal life but still i feel this way i just wonder sometimes where i am going wrong and why is it not going its been 12 months now and i cant face another 12 months of this

    sorry to ramble but today has been awful really

    samantha

  72. dave Says:

    just some thoughts..regular reader but not a poster…

    has anyone ever read any of the buddhists teachings or books such as the power of now..? the message that seems to be communicated on this site seems to be the message communicated through these books and teachings. not just for anxiety suffers but for sufferening in general. the theme of letting be and acceptance, non striving and accpeting the now seems to be common throughout any suffering. the buddisht monks seem to have cracked it. its seems in our western cultes our brains add so much to our problems and so consequently inhibbits the recovery on whatver it is..this however is not our fault but we kind of feel it is….!
    Its not our fault we have all been brought up to use our brains and to constantly strive for better or to work things out…i am a teacher and we always want kids to analyse and be criticval of themselves and others…so we have spent years being programmed to constantly challenge our thinking…no wonder its so hard to stop it over night and do exactly the opposite which is to accpet thoughts, feeelings and emotions..which we are slowly learning is a big part of the answer to the prob of being anxious.

    I think what takes the practice and with time the skill is learn to really actually deeply believe to let be and just let trust your body and mind. that big jump of faith takes an awful lot of courage and one that cannot be done over night. Plus it kind of against everything we have ever learnt..With small steps the acceptance state im sure can be achieved or got closer to…and therfore the end of suffering of all forms…..easy peasy!!! lol

    There is so much on this subject but i have to say i am slowly relasing the answer is too do nothing and just carry on and dont beat yourself up..again easier said than done!!

    take care all.peace dave

  73. Helz Belz Says:

    Hi Scarlet,
    yea, i know getting out and about again would do me good, it was my last degree that helped to pull me through last time (although i realise now that the anxiety didnt go away completely and am now suffering a re-lapse, it started about 8 months ago this time). in total, have been up and down serious anxious for 2 years now, but i have always had mild anxiety since i was a child. although today has had a few good patches where i have felt not exactly normal, but less anxious, nearly forgetting about it. this may sound silly, but when the anxiety comes back, or i suddenly remember (a bit like waking up to it if that makes sense), i feel really bad, almost guilty. its almost like forgetting the anxiety/self-focussing and forgetting to worry is bad. like my mind says ‘it is good when you worry, it shows that you care’ and then when i forget its bad. i know that probably makes no sense at all, but i dont know how to explain it at all really! sorry!

    i will look into joining maybe a gym, but we dont have a pool in our town. i have a degree in geology too, but many geology jobs are based on site surveys for the housing market and a lot of my geology friends are out of work too! it is not a good time for anyone looking for work, but can only keep trying! at keast it is the evening now, my mind is always a little clearer at this time, i often feel at worst in the afternoon.

    thank you for the advice though, you always give such good advice for everyone here! -x-

  74. Sam Says:

    Hey Scarlet,

    Had a great weekend with the wife, better than i imagined dealing with my anxiety….Will try something new , take the people one day (AD’s) and one day no…I will not tell my doctor because they are pill pushers….the truth is i feel ok if i take or not..and i feel great when i get advise from u…helps more than a dawm pill…4 months in it and i have ups and down…my stomach pains are the worst + eating becomes a mission…Scarlet did you get alot of stomach pains + naseau when u were going through anxiety..???

  75. candie Says:

    Hi Everyone

    Well just thought i would check in and let you all know how my first day in the new job went. What i have to say sort of fits in wit the new post Paul did too.

    Well i felt great! Met loads of nice people, had a laugh and felt really confident… i can talk to people and joke along better then pre anxiety! I had no depersonalisation and forgot about my anxiety. Now i think i didnt struggle as i arnt far from full recovery… so if anyone else thinks they are ready to get out and about- hobbies, work or even vollunteering… go for it as it really helped me to have a change of scenery and new focus. Even though i wasnt obsessing on my anxiety i felt staying at home pondering made me think about it more.

    Hi Jay- i felt like that after coming of treadmills too… dont worry about it, some people without anxiety feel like it- its just your change in heart rate when exercising. It helps to do a cool down before you come of as it slowly brings your heart rate back down so ya dont feel as dizzy.

  76. Stephen Says:

    Hi scarlet,

    I forgot to ask my question to you yesterday but i will know as had some set back moments today from some thoughts that kinda got to me a little and made me feel bad but this is to be expected i spose. My question is that i often get the thought that i wouldnt coap in a future stressful situation like it would be too much and id sink into a terrible depression. Like when i see someone who is dealing with like cancer or someone i think i wouldnt be able to coap and id be so depressed ect ect and i would break down. Kinda weird i hope this goes. Oh and also scarlet are setbacks suppose to be not as bad as you recover (or black days) or can they be a mixture of both?

    stephen

  77. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Samantha,

    ” i just wonder sometimes where i am going wrong and why is it not going its been 12 months now and i cant face another 12 months of this ”

    I wasn’t fully well at 12 months either. In fact I felt back to square one on most days, and I had lots of setbacks. I remember it was shortly after that (maybe 2-4 months or so) that I made the concious decision to stop asking others for reassurance and trusted in my own body/mind to heal itself. I can’t even remember how this came about, I suppose I wasn’t satisfied with the general answers I was receiving, so I stopped talking about anxiety for a while. This is a very hard step to take and is part of the acceptance that your body will heal itself…but you do gain a lot of confidence this way, and it’s very rewarding knowing that you don’t need anyone else for recovery cept yourself. This was a big step in my own recovery I remember, and afterwards my set-backs weren’t as severe.
    ____________

    Hi Dave,

    I haven’t read any buddhist teachings, although I did do some yoga for a while. It’s very interesting mind you, and I think whilst suffering anxiety and depression we have a lot of time for self-reflection, and I know a lot of people who have looked to spirituality to find their answer/meaning of life.
    Whilst I was suffering I remember checking on one of Will Beswicks links (on his Panic site) which I used to read often when I felt really bad,

    http://www.sublimeself.com/inspiration.php

    especially the inspiration section and the understanding of the universe/religion. It was one of the sites that really inspired me, even though it hasn’t been updated for while.
    ________________

    Hi Helz-Belz,

    “this may sound silly, but when the anxiety comes back, or i suddenly remember (a bit like waking up to it if that makes sense), i feel really bad, almost guilty. its almost like forgetting the anxiety/self-focussing and forgetting to worry is bad. like my mind says ‘it is good when you worry, it shows that you care’ and then when i forget its bad. i know that probably makes no sense at all, but i dont know how to explain it at all really! sorry!”

    I know what you mean, it’s like saying goodbye to a good friend, no wonder you feel guilty…this friend has been with you for so long, but it’s time to let go and move on…the guilt feelings will go I promise you.

    I used to feel worse in an afternoon as well and then towards evening would pick up, just in time for the evening movie and bed. I think as you recover, evenings are the first time you notice you are getting better, and then gradually the mornings become easier as well…your old self comes back in parts really…

    Sorry about the job situation, I can imagine it’s very difficult to get a job at the moment, what with the recession. Could you perhaps do an evening course in painting/art, I bet this would build up your confidence, an Adult Ed course at the local College of FE, bet they are enrolling now for January.

    _______________

    Hi Sam,

    “Had a great weekend with the wife, better than i imagined dealing with my anxiety”

    You are doing great, a weekend free of anxiety means you are well on the way with your brain re-training. Keep doing more of the same, especially over the Xmas hols.

    “my stomach pains are the worst + eating becomes a mission…Scarlet did you get alot of stomach pains + naseau when u were going through anxiety..???”

    Stomach problems are one of the common symptoms of anxiety/stress. I had terrible IBS for ages (6-8 months or so). I could eat but had yucky belly lots of days, this subsided for me as I recovered a bit more, and then disappeared fully, and it will for you as well…

    _________________

    Hi Candie,

    So glad to hear all was well in your new job. Are you working anywhere interesting?.

    Getting back to work is one of the things which can help with recovery immensly. It’s the building up of confidence, meeting other people, getting out of the house, not having time to ruminate or research google sites on schizophrenia etc ;-) that does it.

    Hope you have a good day today as well hun

    ______________

    Hi Stephen,

    “My question is that i often get the thought that i wouldnt coap in a future stressful situation like it would be too much and id sink into a terrible depression. Like when i see someone who is dealing with like cancer or someone i think i wouldnt be able to coap and id be so depressed ect ect and i would break down”

    Yes I felt like this for a while as well, thought if I ever got some terrible life-threatening disease that I wouldn’t be able to cope. But as you build up your confidence in other ways, going out, brain re-training down the pub, work, university etc.., this restores your faith in yourself, and when you have recovered more you will have the feeling deep down that you will be able to cope with whatever life throws at you. These days I know that whatever cards I am dealt with in the future I will cope, becasue I have coped with A&D. I take each day as it comes now and don’t even look in the future really, whatever will be will be…. This is something you will learn as well as you build up your self-esteem.

    “Oh and also scarlet are setbacks suppose to be not as bad as you recover (or black days) or can they be a mixture of both?”

    They can be a mixture of both really and quite haphazard, you can have a really black few days nearing recovery, there again you might have greyish ‘setback’ days…. but the greyish ones will normally outnumber the very black days near the end, but it’s not unusual to have really black ones though… doesn’t mean you are back to step one, as you are gaining strength each time you come through the other end of a set-back.

    I found that set-backs usually started with ‘blackest’ black, then black with a few grey moments, then mostly grey (for a while/days even weeks), then grey with a few pinkish moments (up and down), then (if you are lucky and nearing the end of recovery) a few days of pink..or almost pink, and then after the pink, heading off to black again, or perhaps grey first then black. This was the pattern my A&D followed for ages. Oooo does that make sense, hope so. ;-)

    Lovely day all

  78. LORRYT Says:

    hi all

    well i have just read the post as i have been trying to tak e a break from it all, it keeps creeping up on me thougha nd all the what ifs come back in. i had a good spell a while back , and it seems to have flattened out. i can t seem to just take one day at a time again, its like i have lost the ability mentally to stop worrying and put all the what ifs away. i have put my meds right down to one every other day , but am concerned that things are gonna fall apart again!? and what if this happens etc …….. whats the point of it all etc……
    what am i doing . i am plodding with anxiety and not really paying it too much bide but the thoughts i guess still affect me.

    ummm have a good one all xxxxxxx

  79. LORRYT Says:

    just thinking back i have been back at work about a year now, and i dont have attacks as such, i now am just affected by mild anxiety and scary thoughts,. i guess i am expecting too much again. i want to get my feelings and emotions back and my love of life but its just not there. its weird, i cant really piut my finger on it but i guess more patience is required.x

  80. candie Says:

    Hi Scarlet- Thanks :D The job is working for the Royal Mail sorting the post… the thing is you have to concentrate for the full 8 hours as theres that many types of post… so i didnt have time to think about my anxiety! When i came home it made a big differance as well as i didnt feel the need to think about it so much again either.

    I totally agree with you on the reassurance thing, we can get caught in the trap of wanting others to constantly reassure us and dont really accept at all. I had my moments doing this, but i have never asked for reassurance from anyone for a long time- eventually i realised it was only me who could make me better…. i kind of liked that too! I dont think i could of got better if i had not read the amazing advice in Pauls book and the support i had on here though- however, ultimately after the advice… the ball is in my court and recovery is down to me.

    Set backs, omg at first mine where on a weekly basis…. i used to lay in bed feeling sorry for myself, consumed by how i felt. The last couple of months have changed though and although they can still get to me sometimes i havn’t cried or been overwhelmed… i can still see recovery in site during one too. Its a gradual process recovery, you can not skip a stage or wish yourself better… however much i used to try!

  81. Scarlet Says:

    Candie,

    Are you at work today hun?

    I know the Royal Mail, used to work at Telephone House (Carr Lane) when I left school, twas my first job… many moons ago, as I am a LOT older than you ;-) Are you busy at the mo with the Xmas post?

    Lots of people are asking when does ‘acceptance come’, well I think it comes (albeit slowly, and not overnight) when you stop needing to ask for reassurance. This will be a major hurdle and it’s damn hard and you have to resist at times, just like you have to resist googling symptoms…but there comes a time when you are able to do this, and the longer you go without asking for reassurance, the more faith you have in your own healing…and that’s when acceptance comes.

    x

  82. Scarlet Says:

    just to add to the above, cos my finger was quick to press the submit button. ;-)

    I am talking about reassurance from family, friends, forums and ‘docs’ ….

  83. candie Says:

    Hi Scarlet- Yea im working today… its a 46 hour week so every day apart from sunday! Telephone house is now called Kingston Communications- i was going to apply for there before!

    Well i thought it was about time i let the cat out the bag- as i am coming up to my twelth week in pregnancy! Something must be in the water as a lot of us are pregnant eh! I am very happy about it… although the hormones, sickness and headaches are a bit annoying at times!

  84. LORRYT Says:

    CONGRATS – its a great time , all the rubbishy stuff will pass headaches etc and you will bloom im sure

    lots of love xxxxxxx

  85. Stephen Says:

    Thanks for the reply Scarlet, and yes you always make really good sense lol. I read eailer you said you struggeled with arfternoons, i am exaclty the same its so weird becuase mornings im generally not too bad but once the sun starts setting thats usually when im kinda feeling bad only to feel better by night. And i had kinda a rough day today as i had to go to uni to sort out some issues and i hadnt been back since i was at my worse and it brough back suffering memories from there which i spose is very natural so i have to do some more brain re-training there. Thanks again scarlet, hopefully this setback wont linger too long.

    Hope everyone is having a good week
    Stephen

  86. LORRYT Says:

    im doing it wothout realising it , seeking reassurance. i just have o have faith in me, i have lost the way a bit, but i will sit tight and and stop keep asking for it ! just be patient and get on.

    cheers candie and scarlet, you do make sense and i have faith in me, just not enough patience though !

    do you know if its a boy or girl or dont you want to know?

  87. John Says:

    Hello everyone,
    I been having a few bad days. I mean ever since googling symptoms. My mind has been on overdrive. But I have had peace with the cutting off secondary thoughts. The thing I am trying to understand is why when i do that, I get all kinds of things popping in my head..like songs..people things said…conversations I had in the day out of no where. I just find this annoying too. I guess I had this before but its so extreme. Also was wondering if CBT is figthing the thoughts? I was also curious about how do I know if I dont want to do something or if its because of anxiety?Also can anyone help with any sleeping tips. I was fine then googling led me back to sleeping for 3 hours again.Thanks everyone.

  88. Eva Says:

    Hi John

    I just started CBT last night after having 10weeks of really terrible thoughts which seem to grow stronger and stronger. Not sure if it will help, but I will keep you posted. I have he same question as you regarding how do I know if I want to do these things or not. I think the fact you are questioning them tells you that you dont…the way I feel makes me think that i do, but I am seeking help in all directions to try and alter that. Sleeping tips…have you ever listened to a relaxation cd, it helped for me a little, also I generally find I am my calmest in the evening, i sit with my parents and watch a little tv and try to do deep breathing. Or maybe you could read a book – something light hearted, even an autobiography?

    I think you will find in time the random thoughts will stop popping into your head, try and think positive in that at least they are harmless thoughts that are less distressing than hey could be.

    Hope you feel better soon

  89. John Says:

    Hey Eva thanks for your advice. I appreciate it. I was looking at CBT and it seems to help alot of people. I did it for one session and couldnt do it anymore because it cost too- 300 for a session. I going to regular therapy because it so much cheaper once a week. I aslo wanted to ask why do I keep sabotoging myself. I mean I know i was supposed to stop googling but i just feel so sad over all this. I mean everday my thoughts are about other mental illnesses. I dont think I had one whole day without thinking about it. I stopped fighting but its like my mind needs to fight. I feel like crying. I also was wondering if I should taper off my medication. I mean I am on zoloft and it hasnt really done anything for me. Its just I know it makes my wife feel better that I do.
    I feel really bad for looking up the mental illnesses again.I guess the thing is with that is i remebember reading that if your scared you are and anxious about it your probably not but if I stop feeling anxious about it then its like what then. I feel like I let myself down.

  90. Scarlet Says:

    Congratulations Candie, a June baby, how lovely xxxxxx

    _________________

    Hi Stephen

    “I read eailer you said you struggeled with arfternoons, i am exaclty the same its so weird becuase mornings im generally not too bad

    When I was in my first 6 months or so, it was always mornings, because I used to sink into dp as soon as I woke up and it lasted the whole day (a learned habit), but then when I started my ‘greyish’ period, it transferred to afternoons. I usually perked up after 6pm.

    Yes it’s very natural to feel strange in a place you once suffered. I was the same with a few places, but I forced myself to go to them…and the ‘weird’ feeling and associated memories went, as I built up new ones. You are doing really well.

    ____________

    Lorry,

    How are you feeling hun. Yes I know it’s hard not asking for reassurance all the time, but there will be a time when you are ready to do this and you must do it to get over a few hurdles.. When I first started to do it, I was itching to ask folks on forums about things like aches and pains I had, basically any symptoms I felt, even thought deep down I knew they were all anxiety related, I just wanted someone to confirm this for me…however most of the time the reassurance only lasted a few minutes then I doubted myself again. I was always looking to others for answers, but never got them really.

    Recovery happens when you start to trust in yourself and not anyone else, and you can do it in time, but it’s not easy. In the meantime do ask anything here that will help you with your recovery..

    It’s great you are at work and that your anxiety has become milder. as for the scary thoughts, you need to practice not taking the thought any further and do this with all thoughts for a while..it will soon become second nature. I think the scary thoughts are the last thing to go for many people, they were for me.

    ________________

    John,

    I know what you mean about the thoughts coming thick and fast, this generally happens during a setback, and you googled schizophrenia and frightened yourself half to death, you are having a wee setback I’d say…so the thoughts and frequency are to be expected.

    “I was also curious about how do I know if I dont want to do something or if its because of anxiety?”

    Hmm a tricky one, I’d say if you can’t get any motivation or are afraid to do ‘normal’ everyday activities and things you enjoyed before the anxiety took hold, then this is the anxiety talking..

    “Also can anyone help with any sleeping tips. I was fine then googling led me back to sleeping for 3 hours again.”

    Watch a movie (non-scary), drink some camomile tea, have a lovely soak in the bath, put on a hypnosis/relaxation tape if you have one, you can download one from the internet (sometimes this helped me), a wee bit of visualisation/meditation, run around the block once or twice, passionflower/valerian, read a book/magazine. I didn’t sleep well for months, but watching a movie with my hubby each evening before I went to bed helped. At first I felt really strange watching a movie and didn’t have ‘normal’ emotional responses (felt pretty numb mostly), but as time passed and I started to do this regularly, my enjoyment came back.

    _________________

    Eva,

    Let us know how you get on with the CBT. I have talked to some people who had favourable results with their obsessive thoughts & panics using this therapy.

  91. lorryt Says:

    hi there

    dont be so hard on yourself, thats the problem i had, i kept beating myself up all th0e time about y i was like i was, when was i gonna get better. i went to counselling and cbt , found this place, stepped back from it, and am tapering off my zoloft too. i want to just get lost in a day in what im doing rather than get caught up in my thinking all the time.i am being positive in life not letting myslf get involved in self pity. you are being far too hard on yourself. i can fully understand just let it all go. its making a bigger problem for you by tsressing about it,i can see thats what i used to do !.not much help but i try !

  92. Scarlet Says:

    Hi John again, just noticed this,

    “I aslo wanted to ask why do I keep sabotoging myself.

    BECAUSE YOU ARE NORMAL… and getting over anxiety is a bumpy road at the best of times, we have all been there and done it…. I was the worst googler I can tell you.

    “I mean I know i was supposed to stop googling but i just feel so sad over all this. I mean everday my thoughts are about other mental illnesses. I dont think I had one whole day without thinking about it. I stopped fighting but its like my mind needs to fight. I feel like crying. ”

    John, you are having a wee setback after the googling you did, this will taper off…don’t beat yourself up over this and feel bad, look at it as a learning curve, there’s always tomorrow, and you are doing well actually… You are following a normal pattern of recovery, I remember it well…

    Take care

  93. Raymond Says:

    I have not posted on the blog for a good while but i check it daily to catch up on everybody and their progress.It is great to see so many progressing.This is quite evident, from the time they start posting on the blog until now,may it be with a few setbacks in between.It also has to be said that Paul,Candie ,Scarlet and others do great work in supporting suffers of this awful condition with there time,reassurance and knowledge.

    Is it fair to say that when anxiety levels are high and the physical symptoms of anxiety have been overcome (i.e the panick attacks. shortness of breath,sweating and shaking) that the symptoms then become internal(i.e intrusive thoughts and images,hyper awareness of bodily sensations,ruminating and questioning) because of the the adrenlin flowing through the body and needing an outlet.

    Does anybody else find that when in this state the thoughts that you will have will be the most annoying and distressful ones you can have.The thoughts you dont want to have at that moment are the ones that will come automatically with full force.The mind chatter you will have will be things you dont want to think about.IT will vary in subject depending on whats annoying you and where you are at the time.It is like mentally torturing yourself,it might only be one word or one image or feeling or maybe a sensation but you cant seem to stop it because the horrible feelings that come with it dont allow you to get clarity which then drags you into the worry cycle looking for the answer.

    But there is no answer only anxiety and adrenlin playing tricks on your mind and body.It will pass if you give it time and patience without reacting to it.That is the hard part but it can be done.

  94. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Raymond,

    “Does anybody else find that when in this state the thoughts that you will have will be the most annoying and distressful ones you can have.The thoughts you dont want to have at that moment are the ones that will come automatically with full force.The mind chatter you will have will be things you dont want to think about.IT will vary in subject depending on whats annoying you and where you are at the time.It is like mentally torturing yourself,it might only be one word or one image or feeling or maybe a sensation but you cant seem to stop it because the horrible feelings that come with it dont allow you to get clarity which then drags you into the worry cycle looking for the answer.”

    Oooo yes remember it well, all those thoughts that you don’t want to think about, coming at you with a vengence. It’s like you are constantly testing yourself with the most hideous of thoughts that relate to you and your circumstances, to see if you can handle them ….and especially those thoughts attached to mental illnesses, because most of us think we are losing our minds anyway, due to the fact we just can’t seem to switch off the endless mind chatter. It is a form of mental torture no doubt.

    Gotta go now, almost 10pm and movie time for me…. ;-) twas Saw 2 last night though, and I just couldn’t bring myself to watch it… see look even us lot that are recovered have a few things we still avoid…

    Night night everyone

  95. Sam Says:

    Hey Scarlet and Candie,

    First off all the best in your new job candie and your baby + Scarlet thanks for the advice your an angel…

    So Scarlet the stomach pains lasted 6 to 8 months???was that because of anxiety or more so because of the pills (AD’s);. i am slowly doing one day yes one day no….Anxiety per say sometimes i could handle but when the stomach pains arrive well its super hard. Feel more tired latley and the mornings for a while when i wake up i feel lost at time is it normal Scarlet???

    Thanks Sam

  96. Helz Belz Says:

    Hi Scarlet,
    thanks for the heads up. especially on the feeling worse in the afternoon front. that was one of the things that was really getting to me. that every afternoon its like a black blanket is pulled over my head and everything becomes a struggle, like very mild d.p. mixed with crippling depression. that it seems to be on a timer convinced me it was something worse like bipolar or something. to know that the ‘afternoon downtime’ as i called them are just another part of anxiety makes me feel so much better, i cant thank you enough!
    yes, leaving anxiety is a bit like saying goodbye to an old friend, had never really thought of it like that before. am so used to it being there now. plus i am a chronic worrier anyway, this must be where will’s book comes in to stop worrying at the source. have been practicing not going into secondary thinking, retraining the brain now.
    thanks again, i think the final parts of the puzzle are falling into place! -x-

  97. John Says:

    Hi Helz,
    Im so glad your getting back in place. I wish evryone the best. I been studying all day since I have my finals next week. The thing I wanted to mention was that I realized that I think the secondary thinking was never there before my anxiety attack. I mean everyone would make fun of me becauseI seemed to forget things like my wallet but I was focused on getting to the place I needed to be and money want a big concern. I really wouldnt think all that much and I was so happy. Its kind of funny in questioning my religion, the main point behind each is live now. Im feeling better Scarlett once you told me what was going on. Its hard when your mind i playing it tricks on you. I mean I been having tintinuttis lately and everything sounds a lil different. I also wanted to tell you one of the main reasons I googled it is because I read the notes and was fine and decided to test myself but I realized in testing instead of just accepting what I have and the proof is from my therapist, my psychiatrist and one psychologist and a few others in school have notice. I have an anxiety problem. I guess one of the things I have to get over is the fact I thought I was so secure in who I was and then this anxiety came and confused me more then anythime ever in my life. It also hard to accept the fact that one word and side effect of a medication threw me into it further. The one thing that came out of this is that I realized that I have been trying tooo hard to make people happy and especially for people to like me. My whole life seemed to be based on how i can impress people as opposed to impressing myself. The thing that sucks though is I was satarting to realize this before my attack and started doing things for me and being happy being me. Thnaks again everyone..I actually get a sense of peace when i type on here. Im gonna try and study some more and then one more semester till I am a graduate nurse. Thanks all and enjoy the rest of the day. And thanks Scarlett about the movie. That was another thing about knowing what I like and what I dont and seeing that you dont like watching a particular movie is a big thing for me. Thanks for helping me out of my confusion.

  98. candie Says:

    Hi Everyone, thanks for your kid words :D

    Eva- no one can tell you how long your thoughts are going to be around.. you seem to want the thoughts to go which isnt fully accepting. If you accept its not the thought, but your reaction… then cut of from any thought without trying to investigate or clarify it then things will get better for you a lot faster. I have had them for 18 months now, and slowly but surely im getting there. I will say one thing though, if you have only had them for ten weeks then it should be easier for you to recover then it was me or someone who has suffered for a while as you have not got into any deep set bad habbits.

    Raymond i totally agree that anxiety can take on a new direction in recovery… its just adrenalin releasing else where.. as you are training your body not to react to it.

    Have a good week everyone x

  99. Paul David Says:

    Just a quick post from me so I don’t lose touch.

    Again I just want to thank Candie and Scarlet for helping out here, they do it all because they want to help and as I can’t be here as often as I would like, it makes a real difference. That goes for everyone else who offers, help, support and advice. The only reason this blog grows is because of the people here.

    Glad you enjoyed the first day Candie, that other focus can be such a help, its all about trusting that it will, it made such a difference to me to get back out there and start living again. Its a natural distraction, not a false one of ‘You have to put this all behind you, pull yourself together’ that’s the difference.

    Paul

  100. Scarlet Says:

    Hi John

    “I also wanted to tell you one of the main reasons I googled it is because I read the notes and was fine and decided to test myself ”

    I know exactly why you did it, did it myself (many times)…it’s like you feel ‘well’ for a while and start to get cocky, thinking you can cope with anything and are recovered, and then your anxiety returns, and you realise you are not as far along as you thought you were, and you sink again and get so disheartened and mad with yourself that you actually caused your own setback. Yes I remember it well.

    But John, these setbacks are necessary for recovery, you do need to test yourself once in a while, (it’s a fine balance) and despite the setback you are having you are recovering nicely, you just can’t see it, becasue the setback has clouded your vision of reality. You’ll soon be out of it, and back to being ‘cocky’ again, you mark my words..

    I’ll be back later to reply to you HB and Sam…gotta go out now.

    x

  101. Stephen Says:

    Hey everyone,

    Had a pretty grey day today scarlet but still got on with what i had to do and did everything i needed. Went to the doctors today as i have an infection which caused swelling and tenderness of my lymph nodes and i was thinking in the waiting room what if its cancer what if its this, what if its that i wont beable to go away ect ect. I would do this before the anxiety affected me and it shows how i got myself here!

    Scarlet i kinda find the grey days confusing in i dont know what i feel. I know i’ve mentioned this before but its the feeling of not being fully depressed or being anxious just a dull unhappiness and that something is wrong/not feeling quite right. so weird. Then i will forget about it for abit then remember and the feeling quickly returns and im like ‘ohh thats right i still have this ect ect” im not giving it much attention but it still sticking around. does it take a while before this will shift?

    Hope everyone is having a good week
    Stephen

  102. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Sam,

    My IBS lasted so long because of the anxiety as I didn’t take pills longer than the first few months… but it tapered off when I got over the worst of my anxiety. I’d say the ‘lost’ feeling is perfectly normal Sam

    ___________________

    Hi Helz-Belz,

    You are doing great. I had mild dp right up until the end. It’s basically becasue you are living without emotions. I think dp overwhelmes you in the beginning, like you are in a dream world and not quite on this planet (becasue of overwhelming anxiety/thoughts). But as you recover is turns to a numbness you can cope with, then it disappears…no way is it permanent and you won’t be walking around in this emotionless state forever, probably you have noticed a few pink days poking thier head through the fog.. I was the same in afternoons for a long while, then it tapered off.

    You can stop being a chronic worrier, honestly you can..just learn to switch off your thoughts and not go into secondary thinking, I do this with most thoughts now that I don’t want to dwell on…it really works, even for those who don’t suffer anxiety problems like us.

    “i think the final parts of the puzzle are falling into place!”

    Great to hear this, no worries if there is still a wee bit of doubting along the way, it’s normal.

    _______________

    Hi Stephen,

    Long before my anxiety I had a problem with my lymph nodes, had big lumps behind my neck (behind my ears) due to an infection, and they were blooming painful, lasted for ages. Apparently they are caused by a virus which laid dormant in your system, same virus as that of glandular fever. They are nothing and will subside in time when the infection subsides. Please don’t worry.

    Grey days are confusing aren’t they, you are just gonna have to learn to ride them out and don’t analyse them, it’s futile and you’ll get yourself even more confused. Accept them as part of recovery… I was confused for ages over these types of days, as they are really undescribable, like an underlying anxiety or depression, with lack of emotion… like you are in a fog, and nothing is clear. These days are the last leg to full recovery, the secret is to just let them be. For me the ‘grey’ period seemed to last the longest, but it does go with time, and during the day you will notice pink times shining through.

    Hope everyone is OK. Candie, hows work? Paul what you up to?? You busy getting ready for that run?? or are you up to your ears in your new book?

  103. Paul David Says:

    Oh Scarlet I have to say my runs have cut down until it gets warmer, its freeezzzing over here at the moment, but I will step it up soon, in fact I may even join the gym through the winter, my friend can’t run until tea time and it gets colder and darker, but I will be fully primed by April, that’s a promise.

    Yes up to my eyes with the book, its just an updated version, but it takes so long. It will be finished by the new year.

    What are you up to? looking forward to Christmas? See im weakening, I even mentioned the word : )

  104. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Paul,

    I think we are visiting my husbands relatives for 2 weeks over Xmas when schools finish around 16th December, but not 100% sure yet. I’ll be glad if we stayed here though, Xmas on the beach etc..(just to make you jealous ;-) ). Mind you it’s been raining over here for 2 days now on and off.

    Have you got snow up near you?, I heard it was snowing in Manchester and that way on. Brrrrr!.. get your winter woolies and thermals out, I wouldn’t run either if it was that cold. Gym sounds good though, somewhere nice and warm to exercise and probably a nice sauna afterwards. Beats running in the cold anyday..

    Great news about the book, perhaps then you can start your second book afterwards.

  105. Helz Belz Says:

    Hi Scarlet,
    yea, am having a few pink moments now. I’m learning not to get overexcited about them, the number of times i’ve felt pink for a bit in the past and thought ‘hey, im better!’ only to wake up the next morning feeling as black as ever. all the advice on here has told me thats not how it works, so now i know that it is a twisty turny path to recovery, that will double back on itself, now i know to expect that it is much easier to get through the black periods, although generally it is mostly grey now, with just the black afternoons to deal with. the general numb/unhappy feeling is tough, especially when the world is telling you that you should always be happy and that if your not you must be depressed, modern society has a lot to answer for, it must be messing with a lot of peoples heads, grrr!

    i think that this stage is as far as my recovery got last time, i felt generally better and didnt try for that last push for full recovery. now i have found this website and will’s i feel that i finally have the infor there to really knock this on the head. the secondary thoughts and the sudden feelings of hyperawareness of myself are the worst symptoms at the moment (this usually comes when im starting to have a good time which is annoying!), but am getting the hang of letting them be there.

    a part of me strangely misses the anxiety, and feels a little lost without it. but i know that being a quivering wreck does nobody any good, and that it ruined the last 2 years of uni (not just the work, i missed out on so much fun when my mind just wouldnt shut up). wont let it fool me again.

    on the plus side, have been called for a job interview next week! time to go and brush up on the Excel skills me thinks. hope you are having a great week, h -x-

  106. Sam Says:

    Hey Scarlet,

    People tell me that anxiety must of came from something stressful in my life on going..well my work is ok, my wife and family ok and my friends…could it be i will never find what brought this upon me??? I will eventually stop taking my Anti Dep’s pills as i see them as doing nothing for me….i like your piece on when u said that we think we could take on the world and then we get a setback and we get reminded…in the future like in your case Scarlet, do u get setbacks ???and one more thing i am trying Hypnosis Therapy ???to relax

    Thanks Sam

  107. John Says:

    Hey Scarlet,
    I had a pretty good day so far. I mean as far the thoughts are concerned. I noticed how its automatic for me to think about schizophrenia. Like I almost memorized everything about it. I mean the one thing I was really and truly afraid of. I remebered something when a beautiful mind came out. I thought it was an action movie and remember getting freaked out about it like what was that at the ending. The thing I have to remember is that its hollywood and even though it was based on an actual person they had to make it more entertaining. Oh yeah i did have to memorize everything for pych nursing. I got a 98 on the first test and guess what it was on lol. I just wish there was a way to stop my mind from asking what if. I wouldnt mind if it would go on and on about every day things. I miss that.
    Scarlet you know without you and your support I would never have gotten this far. You are divine. Im praying again adn doing everything I use to. I went to go look at movies today and saw a movie that I thought was on sale and got excited for a split second. I felt it even though it was so fast. I been cutting off the secondary thinking but sometimes the thinking comes out in bunches. “Like what if maybe Im thinking this because”and “how can I prove Im not”
    I also passed my math test I have to do for calculation of medications. Thank you Scarlet with all my heart… Hope is starting to come my way again!

  108. Natalie Says:

    Hi there everyone,

    Firstly i’d just like to say that, as always, fantastic advice here – well done guys! I don’t know where i’d be if i hadn’t come across this fantastic blog.

    I’m probably posting as i’m in the midst of a setback. i can’t seem to answer the negative/anxious questions that are going around my mind with a realistic answer. Or if i do tell myself that it’ll pass, i don’t believe it. I find it’s one thing telling yourself something, but another believing it. And i feel that i need to believe it and that’s not really happening right now. I am catching myself trying to rid myself of this feeling as apose to just letting it be and wash over me.
    I don’t particulary feel anxious right now, just very blue and vacant. I have had this feeling many times, and it always does pass, but making yourself believe that at this time is quite difficult.

    I worked today, and i really felt like it was a battle. I coped – but then again i always do. I felt like i just wanted to have a massive cry and sit on my own and binge eat a massive bowl of pasta and feel all sorry for myself. But instead i had to put on a brave face and be all smiley – i felt like i was kidding myself, which in turn made me feel worse.

    I’ve had the past week off of work and thought i would return to work refreshed, but unfortunately that didn’t happen. I think i put too much pressure on myself perhaps.

    I work part-time which really suits me at the moment, as it allows me lots of time for myself. I find that getting a balance really helps me.

    Over the last few days i really seem to have thrown all my tools out of the pram so to speak, and i realise i am doing things wrong. I’m have really worked myself down into a bit of a state. The last couple of months for me have been quite rosy which is fantastic, though now i’m having a setback at this stage of my recovery which is so fustrating, i just seem to have forgotten everything i have learnt – it’s quite disheartening.

  109. Ivy Says:

    Hi,

    I’m new to this blog as I’ve just discovered Paul’s website and found it great and most importantly it addresses the key elements that we need to know. It magic when I found it almost answering all my doubts that I had with anxiety.

    I actually suffered from anxiety 10 years ago. I never knew just a one-time panic attack lead to my ‘abnormal’ life for 10 years. Though I’ve not seen any doctor, I’m pretty sure it is this disorder that I have, judging from the so many symptoms.

    I would say my condition have not been that serious as I’ve not tried running away during an attack but just ‘bear with it’ and braved through. All these years, i suffered in silence as I did not want to let my family and friends worry about me. They only knew I was in some ‘confusion’ 10 years ago after that I stopped letting them know.

    These 10 years had not been easy. I do suffered from occasional panic attacks, DP (not sure if really had it), and really intense fears and crazy thoughts. I just find that when I concentrate with my daily busy tasks, these sensations seemed to go away, until a period of stress triggers my fear and the whole cycle repeated. It’s very stressing that these would be with me forever. Sometimes I just wish i would lost my memory so that it would never trigger inside me whenever I have fear but I know I have to accept it and make the best of my life.

    Luckily, I managed to finish my university and had relationships over the years which at least deemed I can still lead a normal life. Now I have a new partner and have not told him yet. I do wish to start life anew and really get over all these panic. I was worried I cant have a child cos if I can’t take good care of myself, how to for my own kid. I’m slowly now beginning to accept paul’s advice of accepting my condition, pay it no attention and hopefully will slowly recover. I know i need patience and positive thinking. I hve been a negative thinker always.

    Before I end this post, I just have some questions to clarify. I always have this crazy fear that I would one day hurt the people I love, either killing them when I’ve ‘gone crazy’ or commiting suicide though I did deliberately ‘try’ to think whether I would do it at the very moment and knew I would never want to. Does people with anxiety ever really gone to killing someone or commiting suicide? I also do not know whether that is DP but after a period of intense fear and trying to find answers to my panic, I have this strangeness whether I’m in reality or not and if I am, began to question about life, like why life exist, even very simple things in nature and why do humans have feelings etc also demands a why from me. This can be very fearful and leads to me thinking I’m abnormal. I try to think of myself as normal as possible if not I would just dwell in negativism and thinking that my parents are very unfortunate to have me as someone who don’t ‘even recognise’ who she is at times.

    I know I sounded very negative but I’m pulling myself strong and hopefully can get over it slowly. I do try to think positively by thinking that throughout this episode, I do bring joy to poeple around me so it shouldnt be that unfortunate for them. Heh! I have a fear of travelling too though I wish to cos I fear an attack and would feel trapped there.

    Hope to receive some comments and I will continue to be strong. Afterall, I’m amazed I can be with it for so long alone but hoping I would not break down one day.

  110. Stephen Says:

    Has anyone with their anxiety felt random aches and pains throughout their body and a really lathargic feeling where u feel i suppose you feel light, really tired and weak i suppose like ur legs will give way at any moment. Kinda like ur muscels are exhausted. Its not a heavy feeling but very light if this makes any sense and i kinda feel clumsy. Had that today and still feel abit like it. Still in my set back though. I know what you mean Natalie about feeling Blue and vacant i feel like this mosty during my setbacks/bad days it is sometimes hard to believe it will pass. Ohh i need to stop needing reasurance i spose i think i will feel down or ever. I know it will pass thought eventually but am still doing things even though i feel crappy

  111. lou Says:

    Hi Scarlet,

    I have read alot about people suffering with anx not wanting to get out of bed etc… I’m the complete opposite… I want to be on the go constantly, I hate to sit down really… It pains me to ask but do you know anything about manic depression?…I don’t really…. certainly don’t wanna google the illness. I don’t feel amazing highs, well no highs really….

    Thanks

  112. lou Says:

    Also I am working at not obsessing over horrid thoughts (i have them for what feels constant), proving difficult but I’m trying….. a couple of times yesterday I allowed them their air time and when I realised this I thought something positive… is it really possible to have such control over your mind? Is that accepting the thought or over powering it…. right or wrong?

    I have always been one to over react to a trouble some situation… is it possible to change a habit of a lifetime? Also I never would have said I self loathed, not particulary confident but I did ok but over the last year I do find I hate/ get angry with myself for letting the anxiety get so bad and control/ totally change my life. I have read/ heard in passing about people self harming and then the thought is there… but I have no desire to act it out so it must just be another intrusive thought hey?

    This time a year ago I would have never believed that stress could make you so ill….. nevermind it happening to me. Having said that I now doubt I was every truly happy and carefree… is that the anx making me feel that way?

    Apologies for all the questions.

    Thanks x

  113. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Helz-Belz,

    “it is a twisty turny path to recovery, that will double back on itself”

    It is indeed HB, seems like you will never get off the anxiety rollercoaster, but you do eventually.

    “i think that this stage is as far as my recovery got last time, i felt generally better and didnt try for that last push for full recovery. now i have found this website and will’s i feel that i finally have the infor there to really knock this on the head.”

    I think education in the key, and the reason people have setbacks after a long period of recovery is because they didn’t fully learn about the intrusive thoughts and why they occur (that they are an over-reaction to a normal thought), and of course how they can be stopped at the source… once you have learned fully everything there is to know about anxiety, there will never be a relapse, as you wil have nothing to fear..

    Great news about the job interview, keeping my fingers crossed for you.

    __________________

    Hi John,

    “I remembered something when a beautiful mind came out. I thought it was an action movie and remember getting freaked out about it like what was that at the ending. ”

    I love that movie and watched it about 4 times before my anxiety episode. Then when it came on the telly during the time I was suffering, I couldn’t watch it after the first 10 mins because I was terrified I might become like that. However since I’ve recovered I have watched it once again, and didn’t get the slightest pang of anxiety or anxious thoughts. You will be the same as well a bit further down the line.

    “I went to go look at movies today and saw a movie that I thought was on sale and got excited for a split second. I felt it even though it was so fast. I been cutting off the secondary thinking but sometimes the thinking comes out in bunches. “Like what if maybe Im thinking this because”and “how can I prove Im not””

    Getting excitied for a split second is good, these ‘pink’ moments will build up, and don’t forget you’re recovering from a wee setback, so the pink moments will be brief at first. I know what you mean about the thoughts coming in bunches, this is especially the case when recovering from a setback, soon they will be coming less frequent and you will be able to stop the secondary thinking much easier. In the meantime, let them be in the background and get on with ‘normal’ activities.

    “I also passed my math test I have to do for calculation of medications.”

    Yay!!! congratulations, you’ll soon be graduating.. and become a nurse, anxiety will NOT stop you.

    ______________

    Hi Natalie,

    “i can’t seem to answer the negative/anxious questions that are going around my mind with a realistic answer.”

    It’s futile hun, you can’t reason with an irrational thought. You must learn to cut it off before you start analysing it, tell yourself that you are not going to take the thought further, and keep saying this to yourself with all thoughts that you know will make you more anxious if you analyse them. Having anxiety makes you full of self-doubt because you lack confidence in your own recovery, this is especially true during set-backs. But you will recover from this one as well Natalie, and you must get on with ‘normal’ everyday activities, no matter how you are feeling, and let the thoughts be in the background. You’ll soon be on track again.

    ___________

    Hi Stephen,

    Yes I had this feeling for ages as well… I even lost my balance a few times and fell, this light-headedness/clumsiness is normal and I have spoken to loads of people who have had it…so no worries Stephen. This feeling (as all others) goes as you recover some more, but can return during setbacks.

    ____________

    Hi Sam,

    “People tell me that anxiety must of came from something stressful in my life on going..well my work is ok, my wife and family ok and my friends…could it be i will never find what brought this upon me??? ”

    Anxiety can occur from a negative reaction to a thought which perhaps made you panic. I remember reading that after 911, anxiety cases soared. it doesn’t matter mind you Sam whether you know the cause or not, this won’t make any difference to your recovery.

    I don’t get any setbacks now, becasue I am not afraid anymore, I no longer fear anxiety/depression. Yes I do have down days and days when I am a little anxious maybe, everyone has days like this, but they are short-lived and I don’t associate them with anxiety, I just view them as part of life… so no when you recover fully, it will never return.

    Lovely day all
    x

  114. Scarlet Says:

    Lou,

    Yes I know a bit about manic depression, and actually knew someone with it once (before my own anxiety). The difference between what we have..and those with manic depression is that the highs are higher and they feel ‘invinsible’ during these highs, and sometimes this can lead to erratic behaviour. I was like you (after the first six or so months of my suffering) felt the need to be on the go all the time and distract myself… I suppose I was afraid of getting back into bed and never getting out again. This is NOT manci depression hun…don’t google it, you don’t need to.

    x

  115. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Lou again,

    “Also I am working at not obsessing over horrid thoughts (i have them for what feels constant), proving difficult but I’m trying….. a couple of times yesterday I allowed them their air time and when I realised this I thought something positive… is it really possible to have such control over your mind? Is that accepting the thought or over powering it…. right or wrong?”

    Accepting the thoughts is allowing them to be there but not analysing them. Yes it is most certainly possible to have such control over your mind…..amazing isn’t it. I am confident with a bit of practice you can switch off from these thoughts hun.

    “I have always been one to over react to a trouble some situation… is it possible to change a habit of a lifetime? ”

    Yes it is most certainly…

    “Also I never would have said I self loathed, not particulary confident but I did ok but over the last year I do find I hate/ get angry with myself for letting the anxiety get so bad and control/ totally change my life. I have read/ heard in passing about people self harming and then the thought is there… but I have no desire to act it out so it must just be another intrusive thought hey?”

    Thoughts are not actions, and I thought about self-harming as well at one time when i read about it, and was afraid I actually might do it. But you/like me are actually controlling our actions, and yes it’s an intrusive thought so don’t give it any weight, just tell yourself “thought I am not going there right now”.

    “This time a year ago I would have never believed that stress could make you so ill….. nevermind it happening to me. Having said that I now doubt I was every truly happy and carefree… is that the anx making me feel that way?”

    Yes it is the anxiety talking, when you are having a setback you can never see clearly and your memories are distorted, as you are unable to think about your memories with ‘normal’ emotions.

    “Apologies for all the questions.”

    No worries hun, anytime

    Thanks x

  116. Stephen Says:

    Oooo scarlet i just also purchased Wills ebook, is also good to read and how is it different to pauls book?

    Stephen

  117. mike Says:

    hello everybody.
    not been out running either paul since last tuesday. played footy on wednesday and over weekend the dredded flu struck. its been an absolute nightmare. missed 4 days training for this new role in work but im not going to get worried about it just catch up when i go back in. see you all later.

  118. Adam Says:

    Wills book focuses more on how to deal with your thoughts. It goes into more detail on Paul’s concept of just letting the thought being there. Says how each of these thoughts carries an initial amount of anxiety depression (whatever emotion) and how you should not add any further emotion to the thought my reacting or analyzing it. It is definitely worth picking up :-) hope this is of some use.

  119. Candie Says:

    Hi Scarlett- work is going very well thankyou :D Im settled in already, my back aches sometimes due to been on my feet for hours but other then that its great!

    I will catch up wtih everyone soon x

    ?(•???•?)? Candie ?(•???•?)?

  120. Candie Says:

    Hi Scarlett- work is going very well thankyou :D Im settled in already, my back aches sometimes due to been on my feet for hours but other then that its great!

    I will catch up wtih everyone soon x

    Candie

  121. lou Says:

    Great advise thanks Scarlet… As I am so restless and my concentration level is zero, should I make myself watch tv/ movies… try to mimic my old life? I am in other ways such as going out regardless of how I feel but I used to love snuggling up on the sofa with my other half watching a good film… x

  122. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Stephen,

    As Adam said Wills book goes into more depth on the obsessive thoughts, and personally I think it is a great book for those who are around 75% + recovered. I would read the chapters which explain the obsessive thoughts and primary and secondary thinking for the moment and if you find it hard going, put it down and go back to it later. For me it helped put the final pieces of my ‘anxiety’ jigsaw puzzle together.

    Candie,

    Glad to hear the job is treating you well. Are you based down Jameson Street? My SIL works in High Street.
    Also hows pregnancy treating you hun, are you blooming???

    Lou,

    No worries about being restless, having anxiety makes you restless. I even went through a spell of pacing up and down, couldn’t relax. It’s normal. I should model the behaviour you want to accomplish, make yourself do things that you used to enjoy…like watching telly, force yourself if you have to, even if you are numb and emotionless whilst watching daytime telly or a movie… yes indeed mimic the life you want to have. I remember some nurse told me to smile as much as I could and talk to other folks even if I didn’t feel like it, and I thought ’smile!!’ you gotta be kidding, but although it is only a small thing and perhaps you may only be in the ‘pink’ for a second, that is one more second of brain re-training, and it all adds up…. so even the small things matter in the long term, which is something we don’t realise. So yes go watch a movie I should.

    x

  123. Paul David Says:

    Stephen: Wills suffered pretty bad with obsessive thoughts and he tends to mainly deal with this side of anxiety but his whole outlook and beliefs are pretty much the same. Some people found it a little complicated and others thught it really helped. If you suffer with the thoughts issue I think it is defeinately worth a read.

    Mike I am going to register for that run, I will contact them and fine out everything I need to know and then email you. I have joined a gym up the road just for the winter, its just a bit too cold for me at the minute and it gets very dark around the time my running partner finishes work.

    Ill be in touch.

    Candie, sounds like your really enjoying the job, keep us up to date. Ill try and catch up with you tomorrow if your on.

  124. Paul David Says:

    Lou the restlesness comes from the excess adrenalin in your body, your tired nerves. Like we feel we can’t sit still, its totally normal, but Scarlet is right, just sit down and watch the movie, let your mind drift off where it wants, but just have that normality back in your life. Don’t think well I can’t concentrate so what’s the point, as you get into the movie you will probably find your attention drifting off you and onto the film. It is all about going against your instincts and doing normal things, just don’t put any pressure on yourself to feel a certain way. Don’t think to watch and enjoy this film I must wait until I feel I can concentrate fully, watch it however you feel. Remember in the original post that I said I had to go swimming feeling odd and all over the place many times until it began to feel normal, I did not come home and question ‘Why did I feel odd there’ , ‘See it did not help going out, what’s the point’. I knew it would take time and I just added normal things into my day and as time went by normaily became my new habit, normality over rode the strangeness. So don’t despair however you feel at first, just keep trucking on.

  125. xxRachxx Says:

    hiya everyone…

    just wondering what the book is actually titled? the one on intrusive thoughts.? this is the thing im finding harder to deal with more than anything on my road to recovery. sorry if its already been posted.

    thankyou xxx

  126. Stephen Says:

    Thanks Paul, adam and scarlet for that. I purchased it yesterday but havent had it emailed to me (his ebook) yet. Suppose i’ll give it a few more days.

  127. adam Says:

    Yeh I would give it a while as it took a fair amount of time for it to arrive for me :-)

  128. John Says:

    i was wondering if anyone gets to a point where you feel like your getting better and then you remember what you did in, like for me in the summer I feel good and then start remebering what I did and feel guilty about it. I also was wondering about my memory seems to be on overdrive. I mean i remebering things that i completely forgot about. I aso seem to go into daydreams about different thing like making a movie but its automatic…I did this in the beggining when my anxieted and it helped me out but i remember reading self help books about meditation that to be living now we shouldnt use our imagination. Then when I started using my imagination…i got anxiety. I remember too as I was told by my therapist about how people with a certain illness think and then my imagination took hold and then my mind started remebering things from school and going into overdrive. I guess what I still get moments where I dont think its anxiety. The thing is that i grew up wanting everything to have a definitive answer especially when it came to me. I wanted to be strong like my Dad but grew up with my mom always worried about me. and always didnt want to let me do things with other kids.
    The one thing I do miss the most is seeing everything as beautiful. I remeber going out to my parents house upstate and just sitting there and breathing the fresh air and going into the middle of the woods and just loving every second of it. I miss it. I miss having fun with my imaginaton. I miss my analyzing things. I miss getting angry and of course being happy all day.Do we ever get it all back? Thanks Scarlett and everyone else and Im glad to hear your doing well Helz.

  129. John Says:

    Hey Scarlet,
    I wanted to ask you when you recovered did you have your confidence back and be able to take view points on things. I feel like passive about things now.
    You were right about the setback, it just came within the past few hours extremly hard. Im like is there going to be one day that I wont think about Im this or Im that. My brother in laws friend just passed and I cant be there for him the way I want to be. I feel like its holding me back somehow. I also started feeling ashamed to be like this. I mean everything my wife has done for me and I cant be that strong man for her. I want to be that man the one who dreams and can write poems again. I want to be confident in my life again. Thanks for letting me vent. Its been a tough day today.

  130. Stephen Says:

    Hi Scarlet,

    Got out and did things today went and visited my friends ect ect which was good and forgot about how i feel for abit again today i think this set back might be on its way out actually. Also went back to the doctor today and she said im fine now and that my lymp nodes are normal ect which was a huge relief and ever since i herd that my pains have stopped lol, so as candie said to be in a perious post phsyco-somatic lol.

    Although scarlet when im like “normal” and then i stop and think ohh wait thats right i have a anxiety thing how do i feel? and it comes as abit of a blow like makes me quickly feel kinda down and a little angry towards it as it can easily alter the way i feel. With the low moods/dull depression side of things that seem to kinda linger in the background do we just accept these feeling too and dont give them attention and how long did it take this to go for you? Sorry about taking you time up again i just kinda feel ive lost my zest for life and like something is missing.

    I hope everyone has a good weekend!
    Stephen

  131. lou Says:

    Morning Scarlet…
    I just cannot sleep at night (nor day, not that i try to during the day). It has been going on for well over a week – 10 days literally surviving on 2 hours of poor sleep. Scared if i don’t sleep soon I really won’t be able to function. Wondering if it is time to take some sleeping tablets to give my brain a rest….

    It’s the obsessional thoughts keeping me awake. They run constant like, body dismorphia (God why did I google it and not let sleeping dogs lie), suicide, whats the point, mother dying, hospitalization, husband leaving, not being a good mother, never recovering, getting old, lonely, recovering then it happening all over again… it is horrendous, plus all the usual worries…. they literally loop. I told myself all night…. whatever, i will not fight this thought but then the next s@dding one is straight there… each one comes with such force. Do I just keep saying it all day everyday? I wish I could turn it off, it’s such a pointless emotion…. Life is so short and boy seeing the dark side i want to live each day fully but can’t.

    Having read part of Wills book, well reading it not nessarily taking it in…. I would say I’m a fighter as I battle with each thought, not aviods it – is that right?

    I’m sitting here now thinking (as always) this isn’t me, I’m stronger than that. Also cross that i am my worst enemy as I’m the one doing it! Body Dismophia has always been there but It hasn;t stopped me living life, then I think wow I only feel so badly about it now coz the anxiety is high.

    Also being a perfectionist, how do I try to let go… what changes can i make and how do i stop being so hard on myself?

    Scarlet you are amazing taking the time out to help people… xx

  132. Paul David Says:

    Stephen if you don’t receive it today then let me know and I will email Will direct, he is usually very quick to get them off, just let me know as if it does not arrive today then I would presume there was a problem.

    John quotes: I mean everything my wife has done for me and I cant be that strong man for her. I want to be that man the one who dreams and can write poems again. I want to be confident in my life again. Thanks for letting me vent. Its been a tough day today.

    John you certainly have nothing to feel guilty about, you developed anxiety, so what, so many other people do and it is not a sign of weakness, so there is no need chew yourself up about. I keep saying the day we accept we have anxiety is the day we can move forward. You have to say ‘O.k I have anxiety, I know this, the best thing to do now for me and the people around me is to get better’. If anyone close to me suffered the last thing I would want them to feel is guilty, some of the strongest people in the world are people who have suffered with anxiety. I honestly had not one ounce of guilt, I just wanted to be me again, nothing else mattered.

    Feeling guilty again brings on all the negative side of the condition, self pity, guilt, depression. All complete wastes of emotional energy. You will be that person again, but don’t chase to be that person, the old you will come back in layers and trust me we always feel at our most negative when we are having a tough day, but they pass, they always do.

    I still to this day have a piece of paper by my computer that says ‘Today is going to be a good day’ That piece of paper was there when I suffered and it is still there to this day, because I want to start each day on a positive note. I want to feel positive from the moment I wake up, I spent too many years waking up with feelings of dread and it became my habit to thing negativly, not anymore, that piece of paper has become me now and ingrains in me that each day will be a good one if I let it , no matter what comes my way.

    Paul

  133. Ivy Says:

    Hi Paul/ anyone out there,

    I realise my question has not been answered. :P Would someone enlighten me to my queries about hurting others or myself? Just need to get an answer and whether do people feel the way I do. mY POST IS UP ABOVE. ;)

  134. Scarlet Says:

    Hi everyone, Lou, John, Stephen, I’ll try and be back later today to respond if I get chance, as it’s weekend today over in the UAE and have been out and about today… :-)

    Ivy, didn’t see your post hun, where is it? Do you mind asking your question again. I had lots of thoughts about hurting others, especially my baby… Thoughts like this are very normal and usually centre on those we love very much and want to protect, it’s like an over-protective instinct in overdrive, but they do go with time. Back later to reply some more.

    x

  135. Helz Belz Says:

    Hi everyone!
    having a greyer day today, feeling kinda bad and down. The emotions have started to come back, unfortunately that includes the pain and grieving for the break-up with my last b/f. but am going to try and grieve proper, otherwise the bad feelings from that will just fuel more anxiety and guilty feelings and depression. feeling emotions again is odd…the happiness is coming back, but so is the grief.

    it has reminded me how similar grief is to d.p. both times you are stuck in your own head just thinking things over to yourself, it makes communicating with anyone difficult.

    Ivy, do not worry about the feelings of strangeness, they sound just like d.p.to me. i have had similar thoughts while in d.p. the strange feeling brings them on. i have thought many things, like ‘what is the point of life, why do we need friends, why is there time, as well as feeling like i didnt exist, or was out of time-synch with the rest of the universe, even that all this was just a memory that i was re-living on my death bed. these are all just thoughts brought on by the odd way you are feeling, and they will pass as the d.p. gets less. i can now feel a change in my brain when i am going into d.p., it just feels different in there, if that makes any sense.
    the thoughts about hurting others are normal too. ive had thoughts where i thought i might push someone off a bridge, or jump off myself. they were very scarey, but just thoughts. if you were crazy or going to follow them through, you would not get scared by them.

    i hope everyone has had a good week. -x-

  136. Paul David Says:

    Ivy I don’t always read through every post as I don’t come on everyday and as such don’t remember to have seen any question regarding this.

    Stephen, I have emailed you a copy of Wills book myself. I have also emailed Will on his direct email address explaining, so everything should be now sorted for you, if not just let me know.

    Paul

  137. Ivy Says:

    Thanks Scarlet and Helz Belz for your reply. :)

    Hi Paul, I’ll copy again what I’ve posted:

    I’m new to this blog as I’ve just discovered Paul’s website and found it great and most importantly it addresses the key elements that we need to know. It magic when I found it almost answering all my doubts that I had with anxiety.

    I actually suffered from anxiety 10 years ago. I never knew just a one-time panic attack lead to my ‘abnormal’ life for 10 years. Though I’ve not seen any doctor, I’m pretty sure it is this disorder that I have, judging from the so many symptoms.

    I would say my condition have not been that serious as I’ve not tried running away during an attack but just ‘bear with it’ and braved through. All these years, i suffered in silence as I did not want to let my family and friends worry about me. They only knew I was in some ‘confusion’ 10 years ago after that I stopped letting them know.

    These 10 years had not been easy. I do suffered from occasional panic attacks, DP (not sure if really had it), and really intense fears and crazy thoughts. I just find that when I concentrate with my daily busy tasks, these sensations seemed to go away, until a period of stress triggers my fear and the whole cycle repeated. It’s very stressing that these would be with me forever. Sometimes I just wish i would lost my memory so that it would never trigger inside me whenever I have fear but I know I have to accept it and make the best of my life.

    Luckily, I managed to finish my university and had relationships over the years which at least deemed I can still lead a normal life. Now I have a new partner and have not told him yet. I do wish to start life anew and really get over all these panic. I was worried I cant have a child cos if I can’t take good care of myself, how to for my own kid. I’m slowly now beginning to accept paul’s advice of accepting my condition, pay it no attention and hopefully will slowly recover. I know i need patience and positive thinking. I hve been a negative thinker always.

    Before I end this post, I just have some questions to clarify. I always have this crazy fear that I would one day hurt the people I love, either killing them when I’ve ‘gone crazy’ or commiting suicide though I did deliberately ‘try’ to think whether I would do it at the very moment and knew I would never want to. Does people with anxiety ever really gone to killing someone or commiting suicide? I also do not know whether that is DP but after a period of intense fear and trying to find answers to my panic, I have this strangeness whether I’m in reality or not and if I am, began to question about life, like why life exist, even very simple things in nature and why do humans have feelings etc also demands a why from me. This can be very fearful and leads to me thinking I’m abnormal. I try to think of myself as normal as possible if not I would just dwell in negativism and thinking that my parents are very unfortunate to have me as someone who don’t ‘even recognise’ who she is at times.

    I know I sounded very negative but I’m pulling myself strong and hopefully can get over it slowly. I do try to think positively by thinking that throughout this episode, I do bring joy to poeple around me so it shouldnt be that unfortunate for them. Heh! I have a fear of travelling too though I wish to cos I fear an attack and would feel trapped there.

    Hope to receive some comments and I will continue to be strong. Afterall, I’m amazed I can be with it for so long alone but hoping I would not break down one day.

  138. selma Says:

    just saying hi…i had a GREAT week, anxiety-free. but as things go, it has reared its ugly head again. it sort of started up yesterday. i am trying to keep active and not read too much and just let this spike pass. i was really energized to have had such an awesome week. i was just giong about my business, free from those thoughts and incessant chatter of my mind. i used to search and search and rack my brain for a reason why it comes and goes, but i am trying instead to look at the anxiety days as an opportunity, like a challenge. the good weeks are definitely getting better. the bad days still feel just as bad, but i pray……

  139. Sam Says:

    Hey everybody,

    John how long has it been your anxiety???….Paul, why is it when i know i will eat its like my appetiate shuts down…??? stomach pains and chest pains are what i have the most now in days…mornings are hard, afternoons 50/50 and good nights why so much change in a day. Paul you say once we get to normal all these symptoms go away cant wait…

    thanks
    Sam

  140. John Says:

    Hey Sam,
    I have had it since June of this year. I think the reason that it hurts so much is that me and my wife were planning of making a baby. Im supposed to graduate in May and we figured if we could have the baby a little bit after graduation I would be working and she be on maternity leave but then this happenend. My wife tells me we still are gonna have kids but at that point I was so ready and confident but now I dont know
    I also wanted to tell Paul thanks for the post about reading your book instead of googling. I felt like doing the same thing over again – trying to prove to myself that I dont have anything else. To fing that definitive answer. I also realized Paul that I was always trying to please people all of my life because I had so few friends and relatives around or should I say no relatives really and only one friend. So I guess i been doing this my whole life and went into high gear when I started school. Thanks Paul and Thanks Scarlet and everyone here!

  141. selma Says:

    quick question, what is will’s book and where do i find it?

  142. lisa Says:

    hi just wanted to wish the guy that gets married the best of luck tomorrow and send paul a photo for us all to see you on your big day good luck x

  143. xxRachxx Says:

    hiya ivy

    i too suffer with thoughts of harming the ones closet to me,at one point i was beign physically sick cos the thoughts were coming with such power but over the last few months and after finding this website and realiseing they are just *normal * thoughts of anxiety i feel much better,althou i do still have thoughts of the dreaded what ifs and will oneday i finally snap and just do it? but i too try to let these have there space just like paul said.your not alone in this ivy hunnie,wish there was some more advice i could give u but only thing what actually works for me is just letting thr thoughts be and not reacting no matter how anxiety trys to get to you.

    i would also like to know about wills book too i have had a look on google but nothing.a title would be great :-) thanks xxx

  144. Sam Says:

    Hey John,

    Well i read your post and it’s much much my life…End of July i got anxiety and been working on it since then…well i take the pills every second day…My wife and i are planning to have a child next summer but when this anxiety hit i felt like can i really do it and the answer is we must say yes and overcome this …so many people here over came it why not us??maybe its because we take everything to the heart…My wife is truely the one that helped me all these months to deal with it and i owe her the world because instead of me beening the strong one she is this time. I am 28 years old John and always a joker when this hit i became different…scared. Scarlet, your the one with Candie that i love to read about…Scarlet how long was it when u said no more pills??? and did u see a difference….5 months and i hope i could make it leave soon but it has gone down !!!

    Thanks to everybody

    Sam

  145. John Says:

    Sam thanks so much,
    Im 28 too and was the joker as well. They were corny but still joking. I do take things to heart. I always cared for people around me and maybe I pushed too much so they wouldnt leave me as it seemed to be when I was growing up. I thought by pushing myself and giving myself so much they would appreciate it. I think its also from my mom doing the same thing. SHe always went out of her way to do things for other people and everyone would treat her like crap. They never apreciated what she did for them. Thanks Sam…I needed that! I really did. I hope and pray that we can be what we want to be…fathers and dam good ones and Hey why not? Well be the best ones..we know the good and the bad so we can tell them about the bad so they dont fear it..and learn to love life every single min.

  146. Sam Says:

    John,

    what kind of symptoms do you still get and have u taken medication for your anxiety…i get stomach pains + lost of appetiate…mornings are hard some days. some days i feel this feeling of lost almost dont feel normal. How does your wife cope with your anxiety. I decided to take a vacation in the new year so i could relax and leave this anxiety behind. John do you know people apart from this blog that got over anxiety and lived like they were living before…Some people that i know tell me that it will get better but it will not stick in my head…one thing is for sure, i will not take life for granted…

    Thanks John, its good to know that 2 (28 years old) are one day going to overcme this..

    Nice to chat
    Sam

  147. John Says:

    Hey Sam,
    I mostly get the thoughts. The major symptom I get is a twinge in my stomach. It like when you pull a muscle. It comes and goes. I would get it everytime I heard a noise or really anxious. Now not so much. I read Wills book and Pauls and with Scarlet advice and Candie’s advice and everyone else on here. She does what she can but in the beggining she would sleep alot. The best thing is to talk on here and or your therapist if you have one. I was making my wife into my therapist. Its ok to talk to her but if you keep doing it, for me a least it put a strain on her. I got to drive my wife to work be back later. We will get through

  148. Candie Says:

    Hi Scarlet

    Pregnancy is going well.. got a lil bump now and having a few cravings! I work at the malmo rd sorting office- its on sutton fields.

    There seems to be a lot of talk on intrusive thoughts on here lately- it just goes to show how normal they are with anxiety as the majority of us have experienced them! I have had all sorts of strange ‘what ifs’. Thoughts about harming others and myself… fearing i may say something hurtful to people! Basically it works how Scarlett said- your so anxious your mind thinks something bad is going to happen… so what does it do- throw a load of what ifs at you which scare you even more! Thats the only reason they are obsessive… its not that you are different from everyone else in the fact your obsessive, your obsessive because you have anxiety and re-run everything in your mind to seek reassurance and protection. Thats why eventually they dampen down and fade away when your anxiety does. So dont see your obsessiveness as something wrong… it is simply another habit of seeking control to protect yourself which will fade.

  149. John Says:

    Hey Sam just got back…what I meant to say about the wife is that you can talk to her about it but dont use it as an outlet. I was doing that everyday when it first started, I couldnt have a normal conversation that lasted more then a few minutes. Now I talk more about regular stuff like her job and things that happen there and food and going on vacation. I also suggest not forcing yourself to be who you think you should be like. I thought my therapist was looking into my childhood and didnt like it. With the help of the people here and by looking to me instead of everyone else to make it ok…its us that has to make it okay. We have to love ourselves and I looked for love by doing things for others. I know that thing to do stuff for other people saying to feel better but you have to make yourself feel better by just being and letting go. Im starting to grasp it a little bit more with the secondary thinking and doing the things I loved to do. I mean I loved being home and watching tv and being lazy. i know that with anxiety I should go outside and exercise but I starting to like being lazt again, I mean it comes and goes but I can enjoy it again. Its funny how up and down this anxiety thing is.

    The one thing with the advice I learned on here was to stop and try making everyone happy. I did this every single time. I mean being a nurse you have to manage your time and you cant always be nice and talk to the patients for the whole shift but you can still be caring but there is more then one person that needs you. But imagine if I stayed with that person too long and the next person didnt get there heart medication! This is what I been doing with myself in a sense that I been staying with the taughts and not moving on. The whole anxiety builds up when we get stuck and dont go to the next patient. But the thing to rememeber is that if we dont take care of ourselves we wont help that patient the best we can.
    So by my trying to overhelp others I wasnt truly helping them at all. I guess that whole thing about your therapist and trusting your therapist is so true.Its great to have a few thought set in stone. FINALLY!

  150. John Says:

    Candie,

    Just wanted to say Congrats on the Baby. All the best and then some!

  151. John Says:

    Oh Sam,
    I did take klonapin and alprozam. They kind of numbed me. They didnt do anything for the thinking at least for me and sertaline but it doesnt do anything except give me diarreah… I mean I didnt really have too many physical symptoms to start with. i would get nauseaus, diarreah, couldnt sleep, but the medication does nothing for my thinking and that is the thing that bothers me the most. If i would have all the physical symptoms without the thinking I would be an extremly happy person. I always had the idea about if I lose this or I lose that part of my body it doesnt matter…I didnt think I would be put in a situation where I would think i was losing my mind. That is what I think when you strip all the different fears the core of it is that losing control over something you thought you had complete control over.
    I remember I had a thought about poking my eye out with a fish hook and I laughed on how dumb that was. If I had that taught during the height of my anxiety…I would be crying at it.

  152. Sam Says:

    hey john,

    its good to hear your advise, i could really relate on what you are going through…my physical symptoms in the beginning were nauseaus, diarreah and massive stomach pains the thoughts were there but not that bad…the physical symptoms got me questioning more and more that i had something really wrong with me and it went down hill from there…now i get the stomach pains some day and lost of appetiate. the thought i get the most is that when will it every go away + will i be like this forever…just want my old life back,,,

    John its nice to share comments with you, i could really relate..
    PS: i work at the hospital too but in the computer dept.

    Speak to u soon
    Sam

  153. Scarlet Says:

    Hi everyone,

    I will try and be on later…. it rained so much last night that rain was coming underneath the door near the living room, and we spent most of the night mopping it up. I have never ever seen rain like this in England or Europe, it was coming down in buckets. Like a tropical storm.

    x

  154. Scarlet Says:

    James wishing you all the best with your wedding today.

    XXXXXX

    I will be back later on and try to answer some of your questions. Just sorting out a bit of damage caused by the torrential rain last night

    x

  155. Candie Says:

    Thankyou John :) Its a really exciting time for me!

    James, hope you have a lovely wedding day :D

  156. John Says:

    Hey everyone,
    I been feeling so down latley. Felt great yesterday but the thoughts rattled on. I been studying alot and been by myself alot because of studying. I finally realized about the childhood issue I had but it made me feel better yesterday but not so much. I seem to get a sense of who I am and then it is gone. The thoughts dont bother me and then the fiercness comes in all the what ifs and the habit of testing myself with thoughts is automatic and habitual now. I just realized this yesterday.

    Sam I feel you on wanting your self back. I was a happy person. I was a big kid and love to have fun. I love videogames, watching cartoons, and stuff like that. I guess in searching for answers I found that people can find faults in who you are, that something is wrong with your personality, the way you think, the way you act and so on. I mean I saw my thoughts as just that thoughts. Then when I saw that certain thinking is considered wrong I started questioning myself. I remeber asking myself why dont I have anxiety, I wonder what that feels like and I always had this repetitive thought about splashing water in someones face and saw it as a thought. Then in psych nursing, I was like I want to change that thought. This probably was the start of seeing my thoughts as wrong.

    Anyhow Sam its great to find another 28 year old and going through the same thing…not great that were suffering from anxiety but that we have things in common so we can relate to each other and help each other on common ground…just knowing that helps me right now. Thanks Sam.Going to go study. Everyone have a wonderful day!

  157. Sam Says:

    Hey john,

    I am having down ay also, thoughts can make u freak out i know when thy come we over think them like a bad habit. I feel eally tired lately, like i wanna always sleep, whn i have a day off i sleep 12 hours straight ont wanna get out of bed is this normal??? Dont have he will to do anything but lounge around i was never like that always on he go at last do stuff and see people. Now i have to force myself to leave he house and go somewhere???Feeling down…

    Sam

  158. Candie Says:

    Hi Sam

    In the height of my anxiety i could sleep for 13-14 hours sometimes! It is perfectly normal and acceptable. As i am recovering i have noticed i feel less tired, well until i got pregnant now i need all the hours i can get! I also didnt have the will to do anything, everything was an effort and i couldnt enjoy anything. You must understand though that recovery is a really really (emphasises on the REALLY!) slow transition… that slow infact you dont recognise how much better you are doing sometimes. I know something has deffinately improved for me… things are a lot differant- however it took me a while to get here and on a bad day i only ever see the worst in it all. The good thing is i can slowly see the bad days are not overwhelming now- yes they can make me feel pretty crap at times… but nowhere near like they used to be. So dont be disheartened if you dont recognise progress, as anxiety doesnt come over night and there is no over night fix. The good thing is any improvement shows we are on the right path to recovery… we are doing something right which leads to anxiety losing its impact. Just dont try to see past how you feel… there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, even if at times we think we cant see it!!!- if there wasnt then we wouldnt experience good moments, days week etc…

    Sorry to hear about your flooding Scarlet… its an awful thing, we had some in Hull last year and it wrecked thousands of homes.

  159. Sam Says:

    Hey candie.

    thanks alot for the kind words and advice…The progress is there but i am probably not seeing it has i dont have patience like i should…One last thing, why are the nights in a day seem to be amazing like i have no anxiety at all???

    Thnks again candie

    John still studying Bro!!! good luck
    Sam

  160. Candie Says:

    Hey Sam

    Progress shows you can recover… so dont worry about about it happening… it just will.

    You probably feel much better on a night as during a day you have got to grips with accepting how you feel… so the adrenalin has burnt out. This shows you are heading in the right direction- stick at it as normal feelings wont be too far away :D

  161. April Says:

    HI everyone,

    I was just wondering for those that had dp and have recovered, I know Paul you said that you had this, if you also felt like a stranger to yourself? I know who I am, meaning my name my memories, where I came from, but I just cannot feel who I am. Did this come back for you if you felt this? I am going to work real hard to follow everything that is in your ebook and I started this morning. Thanks so much,

    April

  162. Stephen Says:

    Hi everyone,

    does acceptance and not giving any attention to the low moods/depression of anxiety make it also go away? I wish i never let myself fear depression its self because i feared it so much as well as bipolar when i didnt feel low and now i have lernt to feel this way. Does anyone have any advice or what i should do. I have no idea why this scares me so much. This is the last thing that really botheres me from my anxiety condition, and i would be completely satisfied and very close to 100% recovered if i didnt have these particular feelings. Sure there are times in everyday where i wont feel down but my memory always reverts back and brings back these feelings. Feeling kinda sad also that i go away on saturday and i know that i will feel bad at times on my holiday gets to me.

    Scarlet i kinda found parts of wills book abit much if this makes sense, dont get me wrong it is very imformative but yer i cant really explain it nor did i really understand the “Cut off” thing too well so i have put it aside for the time being. is this ok?

    Stephen

  163. Scarlet Says:

    Hi everyone,

    Hope you are all well, sorry it’s taken me a couple of days to reply. It’s school hols over here now and we have been out and about (shopping), and when we are back home I have to queue up to use the computer. Got a spare half hour to myself now.. :-)

    Hi John,

    “The one thing I do miss the most is seeing everything as beautiful. I remeber going out to my parents house upstate and just sitting there and breathing the fresh air and going into the middle of the woods and just loving every second of it. I miss it. I miss having fun with my imaginaton. I miss my analyzing things. I miss getting angry and of course being happy all day.Do we ever get it all back?”

    Yes John, it all comes back./..no worries, you won’t be like you are forever, soon everything will be as it should, with the appropriate emotion attached.

    “Hey Scarlet,
    I wanted to ask you when you recovered did you have your confidence back and be able to take view points on things. I feel like passive about things now.”

    Most definitely, I’m very opinionated now ;-) . You are only passive because of lack of confidence and insecurity, once this passes, you’ll be back to your old self.

    “Im like is there going to be one day that I wont think about Im this or Im that. My brother in laws friend just passed and I cant be there for him the way I want to be. I feel like its holding me back somehow. I also started feeling ashamed to be like this. I mean everything my wife has done for me and I cant be that strong man for her. I want to be that man the one who dreams and can write poems again. I want to be confident in my life again.”

    Yes there will come a day when you won’t think about anxiety, in the meantime, you must carry on as ‘normal’ despite having inappropriate feelings and feeling numb. You will write poems again, in fact you should write some now to look back on later.. Your strength will come back and your wife will have her ‘husband’ back no doubt about that…hang in there.

  164. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Stephen,

    Glad to hear your lymph glands are back to normal.

    “Although scarlet when im like “normal” and then i stop and think ohh wait thats right i have a anxiety thing how do i feel? and it comes as abit of a blow like makes me quickly feel kinda down and a little angry towards it as it can easily alter the way i feel. ”

    The secret is, when you are feeling ‘normal’, to not think or start analysing. As time passes you will be able to do this for a longer duration. Everything you describe here is normal whilst suffering.

    “With the low moods/dull depression side of things that seem to kinda linger in the background do we just accept these feeling too and dont give them attention and how long did it take this to go for you? Sorry about taking you time up again i just kinda feel ive lost my zest for life and like something is missing. ”

    Yes you do, treat anxiety and depression the same, they are two sides of the same coin….They generally go together and as one subsides so does the other. My A&D lasted about 20 months and as my anxiety eased, so did the depression.

    “does acceptance and not giving any attention to the low moods/depression of anxiety make it also go away?”

    It does, but it doesn’t go away straight away… it’s a gradual thing.

    “I wish i never let myself fear depression its self because i feared it so much as well as bipolar when i didnt feel low and now i have lernt to feel this way. Does anyone have any advice or what i should do. I have no idea why this scares me so much. This is the last thing that really botheres me from my anxiety condition, and i would be completely satisfied and very close to 100% recovered if i didnt have these particular feelings. ”

    Stephen, worrying about depression, is another ‘what if’ thought. Tell yourself so what if you suffer depression, folks recover from it anyway. Don’t fear it, just get on with normal activities and out and about, soon you won’t give it a second thought… and it will be gone. It’s all to do with lack of confidence and the insecurity you feel. You must build up your confidence getting out and about with your mates, doing normal daily stuff.

    “Feeling kinda sad also that i go away on saturday and i know that i will feel bad at times on my holiday gets to me.”

    You will no doubt have a few grey moments, but ride them out and get in as much brain re-training as poss.

    “Scarlet i kinda found parts of wills book abit much if this makes sense, dont get me wrong it is very imformative but yer i cant really explain it nor did i really understand the “Cut off” thing too well so i have put it aside for the time being. is this ok?”

    Put it away and read it later, perhaps when you have come back from your hols, or a couple months down the line. Your mind needs to be a bit more receptive to be able to digest some of the info in it. If I had read it before I got to a certain stage in my recovery, I would have found it difficult as well..

  165. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Lou,

    “I just cannot sleep at night (nor day, not that i try to during the day). It has been going on for well over a week – 10 days literally surviving on 2 hours of poor sleep. Scared if i don’t sleep soon I really won’t be able to function. Wondering if it is time to take some sleeping tablets to give my brain a rest…. ”

    Lou, did you try a herbal remedy, or some Nightol, or something like that. Perhaps something temporary to take at night might help you get back on track. Have you been to see your doc?

    “It’s the obsessional thoughts keeping me awake. They run constant”
    “it is horrendous, plus all the usual worries…. they literally loop. I told myself all night…. whatever, i will not fight this thought but then the next s@dding one is straight there… each one comes with such force. Do I just keep saying it all day everyday?”

    I know what you mean Lou, I have had nights like this as well. I promise you that the obsessive thoughts will subside a wee bit in time (and when you get some sleep hun), and you will learn to cut them off after the initial thought. You must practice doing this during the day as much as you can, telling them to get lost (or whatever works for you). Also distract yourself as much as you can, get out and about, make yourself tired. Did you say you joined a gym?

    “Also being a perfectionist, how do I try to let go… what changes can i make and how do i stop being so hard on myself?”

    Hmmm this is a tricky one. Did you ever read the book “Don’t sweat the small stuff”, it’s great and I even gave a copy to my husband because he is a perfectionist as well. Gonna think about this one some more, and get back to you.

  166. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Ivy,

    “I always have this crazy fear that I would one day hurt the people I love, either killing them when I’ve ‘gone crazy’ or commiting suicide though I did deliberately ‘try’ to think whether I would do it at the very moment and knew I would never want to. Does people with anxiety ever really gone to killing someone or commiting suicide? ”

    It’s extremely rare. My psychiatrist said he knew of no-one in his 40 years of work, who had anxiety that has harmed anyone else. Obviously there are some who do commit suicide becasue they find life unbearable and they want a way out of their misery, but this is because they didn’t have the knowledge that they could get well again at their fingertips. I am sure now you have found Pauls blog, you will see that people go on to make a full recovery from anxiety and depression, even after many years.

    I’ll reply some more on your other questions when I have more time hun…

  167. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Sam,

    How you doing? No worries about the stomach pains/nausea,diahorrea, they will go in time. As I said I had IBS, and this affects lots of folks with anxiety.. but it tapered off as I recovered.

    “Scarlet how long was it when u said no more pills??? and did u see a difference….5 months and i hope i could make it leave soon but it has gone down !!!”

    4 months, I was having a bad reaction to them… I wasn’t well when I stopped them mind you, but I wanted to do without the pills. So no, I didn’t see any difference straight away really, probably a bit more anxious to start with, which is normal.

    “John do you know people apart from this blog that got over anxiety and lived like they were living before…”

    I know this is addressed to John, but I know loads of people that made a full recovery as well outside this blog. Promise you, you’ll get your life back soon.

    “Some people that i know tell me that it will get better but it will not stick in my head”

    Nope it won’t stick in your head til you are a wee bit further down the line. I didn’t believe it until I was almost recovered really.

  168. Scarlet Says:

    Hi April,

    “I was just wondering for those that had dp and have recovered, I know Paul you said that you had this, if you also felt like a stranger to yourself? I know who I am, meaning my name my memories, where I came from, but I just cannot feel who I am. Did this come back for you if you felt this? I am going to work real hard to follow everything that is in your ebook and I started this morning. Thanks so much,”

    I had terrible dp, and am now recovered fully. You feel like a stranger, because you are going through your life without your ‘normal’ emotions. It occurs because your mind is tired from all the analysing. As you recover the dp will be milder, please do not be afraid of it, or that you will never come out of feeling like this, because you will. Live your life as ‘normal’ as you can despite feeling this way.

  169. Scarlet Says:

    Hey Candie,

    How you feeling hun. I remember the floods in Hull last year. The rain came down in torrent over here. Anyways apart from a small leak in the bathroom, all is well now. Sorry this is a bit brief…been on here longer than my quota now and have to go and keep hubby company;-) , as he is watching telly on his own.

    Hope I didn’t miss replying to anyone…If I did, am sorry but will be back tomorrow..

    x

  170. Ivy Says:

    Hi Scarlet

    Thanks for your reply! I will be strong and heed you guys advice… I will… :)

  171. Candie Says:

    Hi Scarlet- im feeling ok thanks…been having an anxious couple of days- but thats ok as although i feel uncomfortable in general i arnt panicking or fighting… just the odd pang of fear… nothing lasting. I kind of accepted a couple of months ago that things are going to be up and down for a while yet. I am noticing small changes, like i fear my obsessive thoughts less and i dont fear how i feel in general.

    Someone asked earlier if people with anxiety go on to harm people- well i have never come across a story of it and beleive me i did a lot of googling back in my day! Even if they did, so what!! Normal people without anxiety go out and do some of the craziest things every day- yet a person without anxiety doesnt question if they are capable of doing it too. Once you get a bit further along in your recovery you just know your own mind and confidence returns.

    Lou, im a perfectionist too- the trick to recovery is not to force yourself to let go. I was under a false delussion for a while that if i somehow found a level of letting go it would free me of how i felt- of course this just made me even worse as i strived for something! Practice allowing yourself to think how you think and feel how you feel. Once you have got to grips with that practice cutting of from any negative thoughts. Cutting of doesnt mean stopping your thoughts coming, it means allowing any thought to flow into your mind without trying to investigate it further for clarity. Heres an example- say i have a random thought when crossing a road to jump out infront of a car… well that thought it fine to have (anything goes), well after the initial thought i will then think to myself whatever..yeah right. Cross the road then that will be that. It does take some practice and there are still thoughts that i struggle with- so dont be to hard on yourself. Learn to use this method for any thought that threatens you.. whether it be one about other illnesses, thinking you cant recover etc. Find a phrase that fits, one to stop you fighting your thoughts. It is very easy to slip into a negative obsessive thought process if you feel like you never dealt with the thought properly initially.

  172. Fiona Says:

    Hi folks,
    some great advice on the blog at the mo, I’m sure a lot of the new people visiting will be taking heart and hope from it. I’m approaching recovery so all the advice on those last few hurdles is fab!!

    Congratulations Candie, i just realised reading through the posts that your having a wee baby…… aww so happy for you. I’m glad your improving so much you’ve put alot of good advice on the blog even when you’ve been struggling your self.

    Talking about Will’s book, i read quite a few months ago and although the initial and secondary thought process makes sense the rest of the book was quite hard to read and that kind of put me off. But i think i’ll dig it out and reread as dealing with intrusive thoughts is an important part of recovery but it shouldn’t be confused with the idea of fighting a scary thought.
    Anyhoo, have a great beginning to the week everyone!! :-)

  173. Sam Says:

    thanks scarlet,

    I feel better after answering my questions, your the one everybody waits for to feel better!!!

    Sam

  174. andrew Says:

    This is one of the best sites I’ve visited and has helped me the most.

    I do have a question though: I was wondering if anyone had anxiety over feeling guilty and thoughts that God will punish you. I believe most of my anxiety stems from that. Are these the same as irrational thoughts? Sometimes these thoughts consume me and put me in a panic state. I usually read about people having thoughts of losing their jobs, or thoughts of dying, or thoughts of hurting others, or have a fear of public places, but not so much on guilty thoughts and fear of punishment.

    Thanks for your attention.

  175. John Says:

    Hey Sam,
    I dont know anyone who has recovered. I recently found a girl in my school who suffers from anxiety. I also know that there was alot of people in my school since school started about taking a pill for a test. Im guessing there is a lot more people with it but dont say anything. I know a girl who recovered from depression. She is fine and bubbly as can ever be. Hope everything is well Sam!Talk to you soon

  176. John Says:

    Hey Scarlet,
    Sorry to hear about the flood. I hope everything is ok now. I was just wondering about something I hear about is somatic pain. I mean can I really make myself feel pain or is it just with anxiety the pain is there it just makes it worse. I also wanted to ask you about something I noticed in studying. I noticed that ADs are given to almost everybody in the hospital. I mean its really unbelievable. Do you think that pills are just pass around to easily?
    I also wanted to ask you about labeling. I noticed since studying with school the best way for me to remember anything was to relate something to something else like the heart is the engine of the body. I realized I been doing this with the different types of mental illnesses. Im just frustrated to think that I will be thinking about it every single day.
    Another thing I developed during this whole thing was a photgraphic memory did this happen to you or anyone else?Thanks Scarlet. I feel better but kind of feel stuck or numb.

  177. jay Says:

    Hi during anxiety/dp is it common to feel always consciously aware of how your body, especially your mind/brain works? Like im always thinking how i could do things like talking, walking, thinking and other stuff. Im always wondering how i function and be able to what i do and this occupies my mind all the time.

    Do you guys experience this as well

  178. Sam Says:

    Whats up John,

    Well i know someone that it took hime a year but says he now knows how to control it. so John, AD’s will not help with anxiety if they pass it to anybody, thats the doctor’s way in saying i dont know what to do for u but take these pills…wow got love hospitals.hope all is good and your studying is doing ok…
    question: when u say u feel numb, do u feel lost and when u wake up its like you are still tired and not aware of things??/

    speak to u soon…
    Sam

  179. Kamini Says:

    Hi Candie…

    Congratulations Dear. I did not know you were pregnant. Well, i am also pregnant – 12 weeks. Went to the gynae, everything is fine.

    Practising acceptance everyday, even though its hard sometimews. But i will not let anxiety rule my life anymore now.

    Hi to Scarlet and others.

  180. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Andrew,

    “I do have a question though: I was wondering if anyone had anxiety over feeling guilty and thoughts that God will punish you. I believe most of my anxiety stems from that. Are these the same as irrational thoughts? Sometimes these thoughts consume me and put me in a panic state”

    I had thoughts like this for a while, and yes they are irrational thoughts. I thought I was being punished by God for various things that had happened in my life, and that’s why I was suffering like I was with terrible anxiety and depression. Nowadays I realise that this was just my mind over-reacting.

  181. Scarlet Says:

    Hi John,

    “Sorry to hear about the flood. I hope everything is ok now.”

    Everythings Ok, they are not used to rain over here and the drainage system is crappy.

    ” I was just wondering about something I hear about is somatic pain. I mean can I really make myself feel pain or is it just with anxiety the pain is there it just makes it worse.”

    To be honest John it’s not something I know very much about, but I have spoken to a couple of people who mentioned somatic pain, ie. they brought on pain by thinking about it. I think dull achey pains can be brought on by thinking about it, and with anxiety you are more apt to focus on specific parts of your body and have a heightened sense of awareness anyway… so I’d say it’s a bit of both.

    ” I also wanted to ask you about something I noticed in studying. I noticed that ADs are given to almost everybody in the hospital. I mean its really unbelievable. Do you think that pills are just pass around to easily?”

    I do , My SIL is a third year med student and is on ADs and anti-anxiety meds (high dosage). I remember my time in the hospital, and standing around the pill desk on a night-time. Some folks were taking a combination of 15 or 20 tables (mixtures of anti-anxiety and ADs and other stuff, beta blockers, goodness knows what), it was unbelievable. I was actually put on ADs when I was pregnant and it wasn’t until I came out of hospital that I went to the psychiatrist and told him I had stopped all medication. He gave me a ‘look’ but accepted it and then gave me prescription for herbal alternatives.

    “I also wanted to ask you about labeling. I noticed since studying with school the best way for me to remember anything was to relate something to something else like the heart is the engine of the body. I realized I been doing this with the different types of mental illnesses. Im just frustrated to think that I will be thinking about it every single day.”

    John, even if you do think in this (scientific) way everyday in your profession, soon you won’t associate it with your anxiety condition, I love analysing and am still an analyser, even thought it was very frustrating during my anxiety period… now I associate analysing with nothing else but what it is…ooo does that make sense?

    “Another thing I developed during this whole thing was a photgraphic memory did this happen to you or anyone else?Thanks Scarlet. I feel better but kind of feel stuck or numb.”

    I didn’t have photographic memory, mine was quite the opposite, so I can’t answer you on this John… but I can say that the numb feelings and being stuck will lift soon, just carry on as you are… you are well on the way.

  182. Scarlet Says:

    Hi during anxiety/dp is it common to feel always consciously aware of how your body, especially your mind/brain works? Like im always thinking how i could do things like talking, walking, thinking and other stuff. Im always wondering how i function and be able to what i do and this occupies my mind all the time.

    Hi Jay, what you describe is perfectly normal for anxiety. I was like this for a long time.. This heightened awareness goes with time.

  183. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Candie,

    You are bound to feel a bit anxious being pregnant, just go with it…and relax as much as you can. You are into the second trimester now and so things should settle down for a few months…

    Are you working today, and is it a sit-down job in the RM hun?

    I’ll be back later to speak some more, gotta go make breakfast for my kids.
    x

  184. Stephen Says:

    Hi scarlet and other recover-ee’s lol

    When you recover do you like never take another day for granted and enjoy all moments. because i can’t w8 to feel normal again and think everyday would feel like a gift. sure there would be good days and bad days like what we all experienced before our anxiety and that everyone experiences but i can’t w8 for even my normal bad days (pre-anxiety) over things such as being late for the bus, kept up late doing uni work to return. I’ve herd people say they are a better person mentally ie more happy, content with life after they experienced anxiety then they were before.

    Thanks for the reply scarlet too, i really need to back away from all the reassurance all the time. Ohh also John, my doctor says somatic pain is very easy to create. When my lymph nodes were up the doctor said i could have a virus or the flu and to watch out for the ‘symptoms’ incase it is. So i was ‘Watching out’ for these symptoms and actually started to create flu symptoms such as aches, feeling weak ect ect. The when i found out i have nothing wrong my symptoms were gone.

    Stephen

  185. Eva Wilson Says:

    Hi

    I was wondering if anyone has ever had really weird thoughts/feelings about what’s happening to them and their past? I woke up this morning and felt as if my entire episode of anxiety had reached its peak, I looked back at things throughout my life (good and bad) as if they were too much for me and that i just couldnt cope with everyday life anymore. I felt really sick at the thought of things and I can only describe it as feeling so strange and very scary. Do you think this could be depersonalisation or is this panic? I really hate the feelings and they make me really upset. I find it really difficult to put into words exactly what was going through my mind, anyone else feel like that?

    Hope you can help (a petrified Eva!)

    Thanks

  186. Candie Says:

    Thanks Kamini… i am roughly around 12 weeks too! I find out on wednesday at my scan exactly how far on i am… cant wait- its sooooooo exciting!

    Hi Scarlet yea i guess its my hormones playing up! Its ok though as i know its not forever and im getting better every day so im not worried by how i think and feel. I realised yesterday that my low mood has gone too- even if i feel really anxious i have no bouts of depression with it! I think its because by accepting my anxiety i dont get frustrated by it so i dont feel low about it. Its a slow learning transition, but im kinda glad that it hasnt just gone away over night- as doing it this way means i will never fear anxious thoughts and feelings again after recovery. I work stood up and walking lots for the majority of the day, however if i get tired i sit down and hand stamp the mail which is fun haha!

  187. Helz Belz Says:

    Hi everyone!
    just a quick read through, am trying to wean myself off the computer, sos didnt turn it on at all yesterday. felt a little more anxious/depressed, but tried not to let it bother me. although the temptation to go online and wikipedia things like consciousness/the mind was very very strong!
    for anyone thinking that they keep getting worse, do not worry. it seems that this happens, one day can be much more positive and able to just get on with things, the next day is like wading through mud, everything is a struggle.

    Hi Andrew: i have had those feelings too, like God is punishing you for things. have had that feeling occassionally, usually when i feel most numb/emotionless, especally when i lost my feelings of love. I’m prob not the best person to delve into theology/philosophy, but i’ve learnt that God (however you concieve Him) is not vengeful, He is loving and wouldn’t go around punishing people. so do not be depressed thinking you are being punished, as it is not in His nature. I have also suffered extreme guilt too. this ties in with low self-esteem and low self-confidence. as the adrenalin looses its grip on you, confidence and esteem slowly rise again, and the guilt will become less too, as you will be more sure of your own actions. hope this helps

    Hi Eva! The sick feeling sounds like you have panic, i have that feeling too, especially when i have unettling thoughts. you may have some mild d.p. too, but it sounds more like panic. The feeling that you couldnt cope with the things in your past is just caused by the anxiety you have now. i am sure that if you thought of the same things when you didnt have anxiety/depression, you would view the thoughts differently. its like anxiety forms a screen that you view the memories through, and it dis-colours them. Like, the other day i remembered a past xmas at home that was fun, but with the screen of anxiety i felt that i never enjoyed any childhood xmas, and that thought panicked me bad! it is just the anxiety messing around to makes you feel more anxious. so do not worry, it will pass. just try not to test yourself by bringing up the thoughts. its hard, but it will only end up making you more anxious. i hope you are feeling better today :)

    Hi John: I saw you said you were fed up with analysing, but that is part of your job as a nurse. but when you are not anxious anymore, you will be able to analyse again without worrying that it is driven by the anxiety. before i realised that i had anxiety, i used the excuse that i was a scientist and therefore i analysed stuff. i have now gotten into the habit of fearing anaysing stuff, cos it used to set off my anxiety very bad (especially stuff that coudlnt be analysed to a finish, like existential stuff). i would love to be back to a stage where i can analyse a problem without my brain getting so bogged down that it got stuck in a loop. i am scared too that i will always be stuck thinking like this, that i am always analysing everything, like what i am doing, why i am doing it, why bother doing it…its almost like our minds have become so used to thinking out loud, that we cannot turn them off. but it is habit, and one that can be broken. i hope your training keeps going well, with your intelligent mind you will be a great nurse :) i have a friend doing a nursing course now, and i know i could never do it!

    hope everyone is doing well, pink weeks for all! -x-

  188. Adam Says:

    Hey people I have not posted in a while however I am experiencing something new at the moment which I dont like. I have been having some horrible racing thoughts recently really nasty stuff. But I have no emoction to these thoughts at all no anxiety no nothing. They are horrible thoughts but I just feel nothing. I had been having problems with guilt over past events however I can disscuss it openly if I must. I feel emoctionally numb :( cant feel happy or sad the fact I have these thoughts and then have no emoction makes me worry they might be true :( I have been on SSRI’s for 10 days now Could these cause this numbness?

    Thanks in advance

    Adam

  189. John Says:

    Hi everyone,
    I just wanted to see how everyone is doing. I hope everyone is well and feeling a bit better.

  190. John Says:

    Hey Adam,
    The ssris ususally take about up to 4 weeks to get any results. There could be some in a few days but to get the brunt of the effect it takes a while. The seretonin basically gets blocked from breaking down and being reabsorbed. Hope this helps. ANd remember we learned growing up that we should think and act in a certain way but our thoughts our our own. And that we have complete control over our thoughts. We were never thought
    Thanks Scarlett
    I just feel like there is nothing more for me to learn about anxiety except that when will I be secure enough that i will be recovered and basically just keep brain training and alsoe being secure in myself. I am going to try and stay away from the website for a few days. I been using the website too much and Paul is right it builds too when you keep reading about anxiety over and over. I gonna study and sleep for 3 hours lol got the first of 3 exams tomm. Everyone be well!

  191. John Says:

    Hey Sam,
    I meant numb like dont feel good or bad. Like I dont know what to do next as far as my anxiety goes. I dont have too many physical symptoms anymore except for the sleeping and the thinking. I learned to quiet my mind before sleep but again I havent had this too long and that how I was before. The problem I have with sleep is waking up in the night and not being able to got to sleep. I try to do the same thing when I go to sleep earlier but it doesnt seem to work. I also keep thinking about the same thing over and over. I had one repetitive thought and got so anxious about it and couldnt stop it so I thought by figuring out a way for me not to have a certain illness I could stop it from repeating. Oh Boy I was so wrong. It made it worse trying to figure out what was wrong and googling. But I started to accept but again this is a hard process as well. You dont want to have it but then you know you do. You are fighting yourself. In not fighting the nerve that twinges seems to be getting weaker and weaker. I just was wondering about your friend. Does he have confidence back as he learns to control it? I just dont want to control it. I want to get over it.
    Where are you form. Im from New York.I got to go study Ill talk to you soon.

  192. John Says:

    Oh Adam,
    That seems to be my predicament as well. I try not to react to the thoughts and seem to get good at it. I feel better and then i have a binch of thoughts and my body doesnt react. I however kee anylysing the thought automatically as I always was into computers and loved figuringout how to fix a computer. There was always a problem that could have 50 different solutions. It seems to be the case with other things as well but with my anxiety and I bet quite a few people on here cant stop it. I turned my analyzing inwards once a doctor said I might have multiple sclerosis. I then kept anylyzing 24/7. I analyzed the side effects of medications, what would happen if I did have MS. People I talked too their advice. I mean before I use my analytical skills to always use it to figure out the good in other people or why someone might act the way they do like if they were angry, I would say to myself they probably having a bad day. Now I use it to see how I cant be some other mental illness. i been doing it for so long it is a habit. I basically trying to break the habit but the first part is not reacting to it. Its like being bored of studying something like math if say you dont like math. it becomes boring and in becoming bored the reaction or in this case non reaction we start wondering why were not reacting. The anxiety is the physical symptoms but you have to remember its also repetitive. We basically teach ourselves to think that way. I keep anylysing something I remeber about other mental illnesses and almost automatically try to hash out why it happenes or maybe how it applies to me automatically but again I learned this. Its habit and habits like other things can be broken. I guess this is why people cant move away. Like Helz and Scarlet said it becomes your friend and its hard to let it go because it becomes a comfort and it lets us know something is wrong but without it we dont have the definitive answer that the thought is wrong and I think one of the main reasons we suffer is becuase we cant let go and accept.Be well!

  193. John Says:

    Hey Helz,
    Just one more post lol and Im gonna try and take a break from posting. I didnt know you were a scientist. That is so cool. I always wanted to be one but found out I like technology more then anything. Thanks fo your advice. I seem to do exactly what you do analyze over and over. I been doing this since I was a kid. I tried to figure everything out. It was before the internet and I would look to myself to figure things out but once I got older I started looking outwards and not inwards. This seems to be one of the reasons I am where I am. i guess I was always heading in this direction I learned from one of the best anxious people around my mom. Did you have a anxious parent or sibling? Anyway Its hard to stay away because Im really starting to see everyone here as my friend as I do of you. Thanks Helz!

  194. Andrew Says:

    Hi Scarlett,

    Thanks for the reply. I thought I was the only one that had those thoughts of God punishing me and feeling guilty for things I’ve done. It’s reassuring to know that there are others who dealt with the same irrational thoughts.

    Yes, when I am more anxious I am more aware of how my body and mind work. I fall into that whole thinking process too when I am having my bouts of anxiety. But I believe that with time your mind will do that less and less until you forget about it. You can gauge yourself. Maybe you will go one day when you are aware of your body and mind 50 times… then the following week those thoughts come to you 40 times… and eventually those thoughts will come to you one or two times a day and then only two or thee times a week… eventually you will go for weeks or even months not having those thoughts.

    Like what Paul has written, go on with your life as if you did not have the anxiety. Try to live as normally as possible. With time, your body and mind will rebalance itself, and you will be in a better place.

  195. Andrew Says:

    Hi Helz,

    Thanks for you encouraging words. I started having anxiety almost 2 months now. It all started with a panic attack that was triggered by thoughts of guilt and God’s punishment. I really freaked out. Since then I’ve had some good days and many bad days. I stumbled on this website (like many of us) while googling anxiety, panic attacks etc… I must say this site has helped me the most in understanding how to stop those anxious thoughts. I’ve been dealing with those thoughts all the wrong way. Paul’s insight makes a lot of sense. The more I deal with my irrational thoughts the more it tries to control me. So I am learning to accept it and let go of fighting it. The tension eases up, the anxiety eases up, the irrational thoughts fade, and they don’t have the power over me like they used to. One important point that Paul makes is to try to live your life as normally as possible as if you never had this terrible anxiety. It’s hard work but I believe the normalcy will come. That’s what we all want. We want to feel normal again.

    For me, the uphill battle now is the physical sensations that I get because of lack of sleep and heart palpitations at night. I know with time these too will fade and disappear, so I try to stay positive and hope that recovery will find me one day (soon).

  196. Sam Says:

    Hey John,

    when i went to see the doctor and he said that i might have MS because of my symptoms. this was the longest month of my life while waiting for my results from the /mri. it went well when i found out it wasn’t MS. But that month of waiting got me getting worse of my anxiety, worrying and analzing every move my body did…its been 5 months and i see and improvement, but i still go on the day and afternoon feeling lost and questioning if normality is around the corner…
    John hope that these days away from this site helps and let me know so i could try it. By the Way i live in montreal, canada 6 hours away from u and yes i love to party in New York city brother, the city that never sleeps.

    Andrew, the first 2 months i too had crazy thoughts all the time, i guess my problem was thinking i had some other health problems, which thank god its not the case after doing all kinds of tests. After that Andrew i had a hard time , which some days i still deal with them is physical symptoms, but dont get them to control u just keep on your daily activaties and work…i try the most i can dealing with this (symptoms) and some day are easier then others. keep strong andrew…Scarlet and Candie are the best to get you going on he positive way…

    all the best everyone
    Sam

  197. Andrew Says:

    Hi Sam,

    I’m surprised and a little angry that your doctor told you that you might have MS before the results came back. It was unnecessary, and caused you to worry even more. You would have probably worried anyway if your doctor did not make that comment, but suggesting that you might have MS made it even worse. Anyhow, thanks for your encouragement. Wishing you the best. I know we will all fully recover one day.

  198. John Says:

    Hey Sam,
    Just wanted to check up if you posted. Thats awesome that your so close was actual thinking about going to Canada to catch a game. i think Montreal is playing the Buffolo Sabres. I always wanted to see a hockey game with the way the fans see the game. I heard its like people watching baseball over here.
    As far as the analysing I did that too. I mean it comes and it goes. I just wish my thoughts would have stayed on MS actually…they went to other mental illnesses. There are times that Im like this is it. This is when it happens. I just get so upset at myself for letting it get this far. I became that scared little kid again. But I guess the good news is that I was anxious as a kid but then grew out of it as a teenager. I was a mommys boy and always looked to my mom to make it all ok. But she was very anxious now that I look back at it. But i went against it. Soi guess with the traumatic experience of maybe having MS and was just about to start having kids and now my wifes is holding off because of this. I mean it sucks. I wanted to be the dad that I neve had. I mean he was always working and I wanted to do all the fun stuff with my kids. Get a boat, fishing, walk a daughter if I had one down the isle. This seems to be the biggest blow to my confidence. I just hope I find that day like Scarlet did in knowing I recover from it fully. Sam all the best and if you come down im sure to go out drinking and party!

  199. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Stephen,

    “When you recover do you like never take another day for granted and enjoy all moments. because i can’t w8 to feel normal again and think everyday would feel like a gift.”

    To be honest I don’t really think about it, I guess I am back to taking life for granted again…but I do try and spend more time with my kids (both boys) and I hug them lots, and build up their confidence in many ways, praise them, try to not be judgemental, give them their own personal space and freedom (my 11 year old) so that they never have to suffer what I did… I suppose I perhaps wouldn’t have done that before. So I have made changes that will affect them in a positive way (hopefully). I cherish every moment I have with them, and I consider myself extremely fortunate to have them…. This is where my life has changed I think.

    ” I’ve herd people say they are a better person mentally ie more happy, content with life after they experienced anxiety then they were before.”

    yes I am more content with my life as it is… my expectations have gone down. I am also a more forgiving person…
    Also I can spot those who are depressed and have anxiety, it’s like you always have a ‘sixth sense’ in these matters…. Oh and I always look at things in depth, never take things at face value.

    Stephen I am confident you will recover from this, just carry on as you are doing… the ‘grey’ period seems to last an eternity, but it is shifting gradually. When is your holiday? Are you going anywhere nice? Sun, sea, surfing?

  200. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Eva,

    “I was wondering if anyone has ever had really weird thoughts/feelings about what’s happening to them and their past? I woke up this morning and felt as if my entire episode of anxiety had reached its peak, I looked back at things throughout my life (good and bad) as if they were too much for me and that i just couldnt cope with everyday life anymore. I felt really sick at the thought of things and I can only describe it as feeling so strange and very scary. ”

    Sounds like you got to thinking too deeply and perhaps brought on a panic attack hun… I have had times like you describe, a deep dread that life will never be the same again, that everything is too much and I will never be able to cope ever again. What you are experiencing is ‘normal’ when you start thinking too deeply, and analyse. Get yourself out and about today, doing ‘normal’ everyday activities, no matter how you feel. Don’t sit in the house ruminating hun.

  201. Scarlet Says:

    Candie, oooo is so exciting, I remember my first scans.. I have all my ultrasound scans of my sons and have them in their diaries.

    “I think its because by accepting my anxiety i dont get frustrated by it so i dont feel low about it. Its a slow learning transition, but im kinda glad that it hasnt just gone away over night- as doing it this way means i will never fear anxious thoughts and feelings again after recovery”

    You are right, it isn’t an overnight thing, as it takes time to accept that you are over-reacting to ‘regular’ thoughts, and analysing what you don’t need to analyse, it’s something that you can’t make your mind believe for a long time…. I think you have ‘accepted’ all this now Candie, and all your other symptoms have decreased as well. You will never go back to how you were, because you know what got you there in the first place hun.

    Back later to respond to others

  202. Stephen Says:

    Hi scarlet,

    Thanks for the reply. yer i know i will recover eventually all in good time. Its funny i had a thought today what am i going to do after my holiday like thats it for the fun you know and it brought that skining anxious feeling and the despair. i accepted it and it didn’t stay too long which was good but is it completely normal to have anxious feelings and dread about the future in our current situations? Funny how thoughts about anything in anxious people can make you feel bad.

    ooo yes very excited for the holiday :D just was at the travel agents with mum before doing the final bits and bobs before saturday. We are doing a cruise (star cruises) through asia from singapore for several days then flying up to hongkong for the rest and also going into China. The more i’ve been thinking about it the less im thinking about myself and therefore feeling normal feelings again. So the first bit will be purely relaxing and eating – Which im really good at (the eating bit haha) and the second part will be the ‘Shopping holiday’. so really excited atm.

    Hope everyone is having a good week
    Stephen

  203. Dean Says:

    hi paul and everyone

    Havent posted for a while,s thowt i should say hi and see how everyones doing.ive definitely stepped bck alot out my anxiety state and im not as focused on it as much as i was,which is a gud sign im on my way to recovery.i also am getting better at the food thing slowly day by day which is also good.so i think im making steady progress and just living life,like i did before ths all came about.i still do have my bad days,but that is also becomig fewer.i have more content days then happy ones,but fewer bad days.im just leaving myself be and when i come right i come right.im trying to shake old habbits of mine,from the anxiety and other habits ive had before,but it aint easy,but i suppose it will all come with time.hope everyone is doing ok.have asplendid day.

    Dean

  204. Helz Belz Says:

    Hi John,
    i know you said you were going to try and stay away for a few days, which is a good idea, i have been online here too much lately too! am going to cut back slowly from here. it is hard, i see everyone here as friends now, and i want to help everyone too.
    yes, i am a scientist, a geologist actually, but also interested in pretty much all the other sciences too. it kinda teaches your brain to analyse and think, which is ok, but when you come across something that cant be analysed to completion it gets so tiring and a habit now for me. i also have a mum who has had anxiety for as long as i can remember, which has prob rubbed off on me too.

    at the mo my mind is very loud in its thinking, not scarey thoughts as such, just that my mind cannot seem to stop being aware of itself and thinking. it is such a habit now, am trying to break it, meditating seems to be helping a little there. it just annoys me, then i get wound up about it and anxious. silly cycle really. i have had a few pink times in the last week, not for long but they are there. they just make the grey and black times seem even more dark in comparison. didnt help that i wikipedia’d symptoms yesterday (literally havent done that in ages) and spooked myself a bit.

    i hope everyone is having good weeks. pink days for all! -x-

  205. Ron S Says:

    Hi everyone:
    This is my first posting and hope you can give me some advice. My current anxiety bout started about 2 weeks ago after worrying about a health issue. I thought I had colon cancer and worried myself sick. I have had several episodes of anxiety in my life that have lasted from 2 to 4 months. I was surprised by this reaction since I had to deal with my dear wife’s death 3 years ago and though I was stressed and sad, I did not have panic or an anxiety attack. I am having considerable trouble with heart racing, insomnia, dry mouth and some depression. I have read many of the postings on this site and find them comforting. I also have many thoughts about the negative events in my life and they can really bring me down. I have always used alcohol to dampen the stress in my life and I believe that this has contributed to some of my problems dealing with anxiety. The area of alcohol use is one of the few issues not covered much in these postings. Does anyone else have an opinion matter? I have been having a couple of drinks before bed but do not think I am doing myself any good. I get to sleep but awaken in 2 to 3 hours and toss the rest of the night. I feel that if I could get a good night’s sleep that I will begin to deal more effectively with the anxiety. I have ordered Paul’s book and read some of the postings daily. I try to do one or two “normal” activities each day. I take the bus around town just to be around people. I work at a hospital in the evenings and, at least, find my work satisfying. Please have a great day and I look forward to sharing thoughts with like minded people.
    Ron

  206. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Helz-Belz,

    Weaning yourself off the computer is hard isn’t it hun, you could still use the computer, but for different things. I found some lovely sites where you could make money, and I did a bit of work from home to have an ‘anxiety’ break now and again, didn’t make any money mind you ;-)

    ” felt a little more anxious/depressed, but tried not to let it bother me. although the temptation to go online and wikipedia things like consciousness/the mind was very very strong!”

    Resist it HB, it gets easier.

    “i have now gotten into the habit of fearing anaysing stuff, cos it used to set off my anxiety very bad (especially stuff that coudlnt be analysed to a finish, like existential stuff). i would love to be back to a stage where i can analyse a problem without my brain getting so bogged down that it got stuck in a loop. i am scared too that i will always be stuck thinking like this, that i am always analysing everything, like what i am doing, why i am doing it, why bother doing it…its almost like our minds have become so used to thinking out loud, that we cannot turn them off. but it is habit, and one that can be broken. ”

    This used to be my problem as well, I was terrified that I would never be able to analyse again, but I am back to analysing whatever I choose,, without a pang of anxiety..this will be you as well.

    For the time-being though, you need to take a step back and cut off analysing/or taking any thoughts further for a while, at least until the fear element has gone. Practice cutting off after the initial thought of ALL thoughts for the time being, and soon you will be able to filter the ones you want to take further.

    I found that when I’d mastered the cutting off of the initial thought, ie. letting it flow in, whatever crappy thought it may be, but not taking it any further, I accepted that I was in control of my own thoughts, and I was then able to get back to analysing those things that I chose to. Of course it’s not an overnight thing, and it takes practice, but never fear that you won’t be able to analyse again, becasue you will…just that the focus of analysis won’t be on yourself.

    And of course at the same time, remember to build up your confidence by getting out and about doing normal activities, stop googling symptoms or things to do with anxiety…

    Pink wishes ;-)

    Scarlet
    x

  207. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Adam,

    ” I am experiencing something new at the moment which I dont like. I have been having some horrible racing thoughts recently really nasty stuff. But I have no emoction to these thoughts at all no anxiety no nothing. They are horrible thoughts but I just feel nothing.”

    Adam what you are experiencing is ‘normal’ when suffering anxiety. There were times when I was totally emotionless to racing thoughts as well. It’s an inappropriate emotion like every other emotion you have to the thoughts, fear, panic.. Ride it out, don’t fear this lack of emotion…in time the appropriate emotion WILL come back.

    I feel emoctionally numb cant feel happy or sad the fact I have these thoughts and then have no emoction makes me worry they might be true I have been on SSRI’s for 10 days now Could these cause this numbness?”

    With regards to the SSRI, I can’t honestly say. It can take a good few weeks for the initial side effects to settle down when starting a course of ADs, perhaps you could mention it to your doc. at your check up. But most definitely I had what you described above, without ADs.

  208. Scarlet Says:

    Hi John,

    Good luck with your exams.

    “i guess I was always heading in this direction I learned from one of the best anxious people around my mom. Did you have a anxious parent or sibling?”

    John,

    Did you ever speak to your mum about her anxiety? My own mother went through a bad patch when I was a youngster, my sister had got in with the wrong crowd, and my mother worried endlessly, and it brought on a lot of panic attacks and she was prescribed meds for anxiety (valium/allsorts). This was a LONG time ago, and I wasn’t aware of it til I was older and a mum myself. She hid it extremely well, and I always viewed her as a strong person, even though she wasn’t inside. It was only when I started experiencing anxiety myself that I could see what she went through. Sadly she died 10 years ago when my first son was a baby…so I never got chance to ask her….

    Just to say that despite the fact that your mum was anxious, and history is repeating itself with you (as it was with me), doesn’t mean that you can’t build up your own confidence and break the cycle for your own children. Getting through anxiety and depression shows real true strength of character imo. and you can and will do it as well John…. and your own children will know this, and will have nothing to fear themselves.

  209. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Sam,

    “when i went to see the doctor and he said that i might have MS because of my symptoms. this was the longest month of my life while waiting for my results from the /mri. it went well when i found out it wasn’t MS. But that month of waiting got me getting worse of my anxiety, worrying and analzing every move my body did…its been 5 months and i see and improvement, but i still go on the day and afternoon feeling lost and questioning if normality is around the corner…”

    No wonder Sam….I can imagine you went through hell waiting for the test results and this made you analyse every little bodily action/movement. I promise you ‘normality’ is around the corner LOL, actually you are pretty normal at the moment, but just don’t realise it, nor believe it ;-)

    My friend is Canadian (Toronto), and she suffered anxiety too (with OCD) and is fully recovered now, has been for 5 years or so… I met her long before I had anxiety myself…. and I never knew she suffered as well until recently.

  210. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Kamimi, how you doing hun. Hows the pregnancy progressing? Are you doing lots of walks on the beach?

    Glad to hear you are not letting anxiety rule your life, this is the way to go hun… (although I know it’s hard sometimes)

    _________________

    Hi Dean,

    “ive definitely stepped bck alot out my anxiety state and im not as focused on it as much as i was,which is a gud sign im on my way to recovery.”

    Great news, it’s a gradual improvement but each day you become stronger.

    “i also am getting better at the food thing slowly day by day which is also good.”so i think im making steady progress and just living life,like i did before ths all came about.i still do have my bad days,but that is also becomig fewer

    I am so glad to hear this, have you been able to eat some of the things you were afraid of? Uou are doing so well, and you are bound to have some bad days, just ride them out…get yourself doing ‘normal’ everyday activities, going out with your mates, work, sports. What about that holiday you planned, is that soon?

  211. Scarlet Says:

    Adam,

    I wrote to you above…but had a re-think after I had written.

    I was on ADs for the first 4 months of my anxiety and I recall having a strange feeling a bit like you described during the first few weeks of taking them. I had no reaction (absolute numbness) to thoughts, which I had previously panicked over. From what I remember the psychiatrist saying, this is a normal reaction until the ADs get into your system.. and he was right, this initial feeling of severe emotionless did settle down after a week or so. Please do check with your doc though at your next check-up.

  212. Adam Says:

    Its nice to know I have not become a complete sociopath :) I have actually stopped taking them as I want to knwo these thoughts do panic me. cos if they dont then need serious help! :\ but hey I appreciate your response. :)

  213. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Adam,

    Which ADs were you prescribed Adam, and at what dosage??

    x

  214. Adam Says:

    Citalopram or 20mg one tablet a day :-) feels liek everything I say at the moment I dont believe or have any convinction in jsut feel really numb. :(

  215. Candie Says:

    Hi Adam

    I was on citalopram awell- when i first took it i felt nothing, no fear,no panic no reaction to thoughts NOTHING! I dont take it now, stopped after a week as it gave me really bad insomnia. Donty stop taking anything without speaking to your doc… but its worth giving things a try without anti D’s if you can manage it as it can take ages to be weened of them!

  216. Adam Says:

    yeh i spoke to a doc and she said it was all cool for me to stop taking them. I dont feel to numb anymore but still no panic to these thoughts which concerns me abit as previously any of this kinda thought I would be running away cowering. :S

  217. Sam Says:

    Hey john,

    when i head up to new york i will let u know and i hope we could party together without the anxiety…And when u come to montreal give me the heads up…i lve hockey bro…its a religion here..and yes the bell centre is as loud a a baseball came but i saw the ny rangers one time and it was loud also…hope the time off is helping u out brother stay strong..

    How is andrew doing , well i hope not to nervous i hope just giving the heads up..my day is split in 3 parts…so so then ok then at night good.

    Well hope everyone has a good night

    PS: Scarlet thanks like usual..

    Sam

  218. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Adam,

    I remember the doc telling me that citalopram is the mildest AD, and the one they generally prescribe first, and I was given citalopram during my pregnancy (20mg). I took it for a month or two. Didn’t have the numb feeling with this particular AD though, and I know a few people taking it, including my SIL.. Like Candie though, I am not a believer in ADs, and if you can do without them then do try. It’s better in the long run, and you can recover without ADs.

    As for the thoughts, go with the numbness, it’s fine…. lack of emotion to thoughts at times (no matter how horrible they are) is normal with or without ADs.

    __________________

    Hi Sam,

    “my day is split in 3 parts…so so then ok then at night good.”

    I remember being like this as well, nights were my best time for a while, and them gradually other parts of my day improved as well… Sounds to me like you are doing well…

  219. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Ivy,

    Just replying a bit more to your post above. Welcome.

    Glad to hear that have been able to answer some of your doubts.

    “I actually suffered from anxiety 10 years ago. I never knew just a one-time panic attack lead to my ‘abnormal’ life for 10 years. Though I’ve not seen any doctor, I’m pretty sure it is this disorder that I have, judging from the so many symptoms.”

    Sounds like it could be, Paul suffered for 10 years as well. I think you have coped very well if you have been able to ‘bear with it’. I know what you mean about suffering in silence… a lot of people do, for fear of being stigmatised.

    “These 10 years had not been easy. I do suffered from occasional panic attacks, DP (not sure if really had it), and really intense fears and crazy thoughts. ”

    10 years is a long time to suffer hun, did you seek any help at all? DP is when you feel like you are in a dream-state (emotionless), it’s a normal symptom of anxiety, due to a tired mind brought on with all the self-analysis/obsessive thoughts. I suffered terrible DP for a while, but it subsided as my anxiety did.

    “I just find that when I concentrate with my daily busy tasks, these sensations seemed to go away, until a period of stress triggers my fear and the whole cycle repeated. ”

    Actually you sound as if you are managing your anxiety, but haven’t been able to rid yourself of it fully, and your fear of it coming back hasn’t gone away…and like you say stress triggers it off again. Did you read Pauls book? he himself suffered for 10 years, but is now fully recovered. I think by fully educating yourself about what anxiety is, and how to stop it in it’s tracks you can live an anxiety free life and never worry about it returning again…even if it is after 10 years. I am sure of this.

    “Luckily, I managed to finish my university and had relationships over the years which at least deemed I can still lead a normal life. Now I have a new partner and have not told him yet. I do wish to start life anew and really get over all these panic. ”

    See Ivy, you have managed to live a ‘normalish’ life despite feeling the way you do. You now need to learn how to cut off the thoughts after they enter your mind and to not take them any further (ie. not analysing them) …thus not creating the panic and anxiety you are experiencing. This takes time and patience, but can be done, and when you see that you have control of your own mind, then the fear that you will have anxiety forever will disappear… I am confident that you can do this.

    “I was worried I cant have a child cos if I can’t take good care of myself, how to for my own kid.”

    I had anxiety during my pregnancy and afterwards, I felt numb towards my baby and feared that I would never be able to take care of him,, nor myself for that matter. I was like this for the first year of his life, but carried on despite how I felt. Not that I am saying you should have a baby feeling like you are, but believe me it can be overcome, as I am fully well now and my baby is a thriving mischevous 2 year old who I love dearly… so you can look forward to having a family and living an anxiety free life as well.

    “I’m slowly now beginning to accept paul’s advice of accepting my condition, pay it no attention and hopefully will slowly recover. I know i need patience and positive thinking. I hve been a negative thinker always.”

    You need to carry on with ‘normal’ everyday things as much as you can, and let the thoughts be in the background, and as much as you can try and not analyse them (hard though it is), accept them, let them in and cut them off when they entered by telling them to go away (or whatever works for you)…and repeat this as many times as you have to. If you keep on doing this, soon you will start to believe that they are just regular thoughts entering your head and it’s you that is over-reacting to them. Thoughts cannot hurt you… you have to learn to believe this.

    “I also do not know whether that is DP but after a period of intense fear and trying to find answers to my panic, I have this strangeness whether I’m in reality or not and if I am, began to question about life, like why life exist, even very simple things in nature and why do humans have feelings etc also demands a why from me. This can be very fearful and leads to me thinking I’m abnormal. ”

    This sounds like DP to me hun, it’s the result of a tired mind due to all the analysing of thoughts you have been doing, do not fear it as it’s a normal symptom of anxiety, just carry on doing normal everyday things even whilst you feel like this. Like Paul says, you must go against what the anxiety is telling you to do. Instead of staying in the house ruminating, or getting back into bed, get your self out and about and go against it. This is the way to go.

    “I try to think of myself as normal as possible if not I would just dwell in negativism and thinking that my parents are very unfortunate to have me as someone who don’t ‘even recognise’ who she is at times.”

    Your parents are very lucky to have you, and despite not recognising yourself, you are very normal.. you are just over-reacting to your thoughts, and this can be controlled by practicing cutting the thoughts off as they enter your mindas I mentioned above.

    “I know I sounded very negative but I’m pulling myself strong and hopefully can get over it slowly. I do try to think positively by thinking that throughout this episode, I do bring joy to poeple around me so it shouldnt be that unfortunate for them. Heh! I have a fear of travelling too though I wish to cos I fear an attack and would feel trapped there.”

    You must face your fears as much as you can to get rid of your anxiety, do not avoid them. If you fear travelling, then go and travel…by this do you mean getting in a car or bus?

    Don’t worry about having a panic attack on public transport, if it happens so be it, just try to stay as calm as you can and let the panic episode disappear… it can’t hurt you. If it helps you at first, travel with a friend or your boyfriend, and gradually build it up so you can travel alone. Ultimately you need to make yourself independent so you don’t have to rely on anybody, and you do this by facing your fears head on, no matter how you feel.

    Keep talking to us.

  220. Sam Says:

    Hey Scarlet,

    Like i said above nights are amazing for me i guess all day accepting my symptoms makes me tired @ night..LOL In the morning i feel lost, like in slow motion, afternoons some symptoms like stomach pains, i also get during the day like pins & needles on my face and head, is that the adrenelin??? All i could say is that i drag my feet all morning long and afternoon…Scarlet i’m going in the right direction after 5 months of anxiety…???

    Sam

  221. Scarlet Says:

    Sam you are going in the right direction… It’s normal to feel lost in the morning for a while, how are you in afternoons?, early evening?. Are you able to settle down and watch the TV on an evening with your wife now? As for the pins and needles, that’s also nothing to worry about. I had pins and needles sensations as well, it’s pretty normal when suffering anxiety, and I also had a twitch in my eye for a long time, drove me nuts …

    Yep 5 months into it, I would say you are doing great.

    Any plans for Xmas, are you out over the Xmas period/New Year?. This is time to do some brain re-training, Xmas shopping, partying, loads of Xmas films on the TV.. I’d say that 2009 will most definitely be brighter ;-)

  222. ivy Says:

    Hi Scarlet

    Thanks so much for answering to each of my lines! Feel so appreciated. :)

    I felt that indeed I’ve been analysing too much. As much as I try not to, it’s hard to control cos analysing will help me overcome the doubts I have at times. But I realise by keep analysing, I will never break away from the cycle.

    I don’t know if this sounds silly but my analysation of my condition is that when I had a panic attack, everything seems so scary and weird. So, even when the panic subsides and I carry on with my normal task, there is still ‘something inside me’ that makes me feel something have not been addressed. I guessed could that be bcos the panic comes out of the blue so though it has subsided, I’ve no idea why it occurs and i felt I’m ‘not normal’. I would be thinking “Hey am I really in reality now? If I am, do I know who I am, would I be able to accept reality ….” and so on. When these thoughts are going through my mind, at times it does not cause much anxiety on me but at times I do feel abit panicky when thinking of all these. Then I would think of nature, of little life which assures me that that’s life. It’s real. Then I began to feel I’m weird for having to think of such things so simple. Haa… I guess I’m just thinking too much.

    Oh and I do not mean by travelling on public transport, I mean going on holiday, in another country. I guess is bcos when I went to Hong Kong last year with my family, I suffered panic cos the fear comes even before I went. So, now I kinda having the fear of travelling overseas again. :(

    Many a time, I knew that if certain event don’t happen, I would be normal. But If I’m anticipating some event, e.g. going to a party, my anxiety really came! Is it that when you are anxious and you are thinking of fearful thoughts, the fear magnifies that you thought it’s real. E.g. when I think I’m not normal and going crazy, I really thought I would; or when I thought I’m going to be breathless, I really thought I would, but luckily it did not. Hehehe…………

  223. Sam Says:

    thanks Scarlet,

    Well in the afternoon some physical symptoms challenge me like ache and pains in my back, lack of appitiate. At night i watch movies and shows with my wife and its great….MAde plans for christmas to stay with the family and on new year we are going to Jamacia…for 1 week. hope this trip will help me to relax and re-train my brain…

    Thanks again Scarlet
    Sam

  224. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Ivy,

    Just a quickie before I retire for the evening and watch a movie with my husband.

    “I don’t know if this sounds silly but my analysation of my condition is that when I had a panic attack, everything seems so scary and weird. ”
    “So, even when the panic subsides and I carry on with my normal task, there is still ’something inside me’ that makes me feel something have not been addressed”
    “I would be thinking “Hey am I really in reality now? If I am, do I know who I am, would I be able to accept reality ….” and so on.”

    Ivy you need to learn to cut off the thoughts as they enter your mind, if you get the thought “Am I in reality now” Say to yourself, “who cares, so what if I am or not” and distract yourself until the thought re-occurs and then repeat “who cares etc again” until this thought goes… Don’t analyse whether you are in reality or not…

    It’s so true you have got yourself into a thinking loop, and are overreacting to your thoughts. You do not need to address these type of thoughts, they are basically nonsense and don’t deserve any time or effort.

    “I mean going on holiday, in another country”

    For now put to the back of your mind the thought of travelling overseas. You need to build up your self-esteem by getting out and about with your friends and bf doing ‘normal’ stuff, (despite feeling crappy)..and then you can go further afield later on.

  225. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Sam,

    I was pretty bad in afternoons for a while myself.. But like you during the evenings I could relax and watch a movie with my husband. If you are able to do this on an evening I think you are doing pretty well Sam and are well on the way… it’s only a matter of time that the afternoon stomach aches subside, and the mornings will also get easier. Can you occupy yourself with something interesting in an afternoon to distract yourself a bit? Do the stomach aches come on at a certain time of the day?

    “MAde plans for christmas to stay with the family and on new year we are going to Jamacia…for 1 week. hope this trip will help me to relax and re-train my brain…”

    I am sure it will, there’ll be lots of times to brain re-train ;-) …oooo Jamaica how great is that. New year on the beach in the luverly sunshine..

  226. lisa Says:

    hi candie,hope your scan went well today mate. hope the mail isnt too busy for you all them xmas cards and parcels to sort. xx the rest of you hang in there it really does get better and easier as long as your accepting and getting on with your day to day lives :-)

  227. John Says:

    Hi everyone,
    Just wanted to post something real quick gonna pull an all nighter tonight. Heres a poem I worte. Its about giving up on fighting anxiety and going through it and not letting it stop you from doing anything you want in life.

    I will not lose sight. I wont fight with all my might. I will walk with my tears and be with my fears but I will walk. I will laugh and I will talk. Pins and needles hearts coming apart, cant breath cant see. Scared oh well. I’m here today not tomorrow. My body feels sorrow. But in it there is hope. Hope in that I just wont cope. I will get though not down or not around. If I cant stand , I will walk on my knees. If I cant walk on my knees, I will crawl. If I cant crawl, I will bite at the ground But I will do this while sitting on my couch watching TV being lazy as can be. Anxiety is me and I will love it enough to say Goodbye when it walks away from me but while it stays I will let it be either way I am free.

  228. Candie Says:

    HI Everyone!

    Hi Lisa, scan went brilliant- saw the little baby… haha it was bouncing itself around allover was so cute! Loved it. Sonographer said im 12 weeks 2 days, so my estimations where correct.

    I will upload the pic on Pauls photo page he put up for us if thats ok Paul?! I did try sending u a pic through text Lisa but my media messaging isnt working :(

    Scarlet.. everytime i read your advice its like i am reading about myself! Down to the content of intrusive thoughts etc… just reading it every day really does keep my spirits up- and im sure i can speak for everyone else when i say what you do for us all is brilliant, thanks :D

  229. Sam Says:

    Hey everyone,

    Deep poem john but amazing, i think we can all relate to that poem..

    Congrats Candie and all the best…..

    Scarlet—-inspiration..

    have a nice night everyone..

    Sam

  230. Scarlet Says:

    Ivy,

    I think the anxiety has lingered so long for you, because despite the fact that you have been able to manage the anxiety and distract yourself at times (during the 10 years), you haven’t addressed the obsessive thoughts. This means that whenever you have had a patch of feeling well, as soon as you encountered some stress, the cycle would begin again, thoughts would bombard you and this would lead to panic .

    I think this time, to recover fully… you must learn to accept the thoughts as over-reactions to regular thoughts and not fear them. Learn as much as you can about them, practice cutting them off when they enter your mind.. and get yourself back in control. When you no longer fear the thoughts, the rest pales into significance as well hun. This is the way to go for you, distraction is not enough..I remember being in hospital and the docs would pass out the pills and give talks on how you could distract yourself, get out and live normally…which is fine, but they never addressed the obsessive thoughts really.. and folks would go away for a while under the impression that they were recovered, only to end up back at the hospital 6 months down the line after a period of stress, for another few weeks of therapy (and the cycle continued). This method doesn’t work, as you are only ‘half’ recovered really (it’s like putting a plaster on a wound).. but Pauls method does, as he talks about facing your fears, and what do you fear most…your ‘thoughts’. Those who recovered fully have learned not to fear their thoughts anymore… this is the difference

    John, I can relate to that poem as well, thank you for sharing

    Candie, Oooo do show us that scan piccie, where is the photo page? I bet you are so excited.

    Lovely day all

    xx

  231. lisa Says:

    oh im so pleased candie cant wait to see the pics.i can relate alot to how scarlet felt as well and paul,and it does get easier , i wouldnt of believed it a few years ago but im living proof too.got all me xmas shopping done and food shop ,just fresh vegetables and milk to get.must admit roll on january sorry candie..lol xx

  232. ivy Says:

    Thanks Scarlet, I know what you mean. I have since young, always been thinking and worry alot whenever anything seems to be wrong with my health. E.g. headache, insomia, even my first panic attack resulted due to long periods of sickness. Now is fear of panic or going crazy. Is there a fear relating to health?

    I thought maybe that’s my character but I’m thinking of trying to overcome it. I’m now mature to be in full control and think positively.

    By the way, I recently borrowed a book on meditation and addressing panic and fear. Do you think that helps?

  233. lisa Says:

    hi ivy,its just learning to let your thoughts come and go and feeling relaxed when they pass by without adding fear or fearing them.meditation is relaxing i do it .you will get to the stage where you think there just thoughts and its just a feeling honestly but its just practise.like trying to ride a bike,then u fall off but you brush your legs off and get back on your bike and pedal again. just like pauls words in his book. hope that helps :-)

  234. colm Says:

    hi guys, firstly thanks Paul for the book a nice easy read.i have anxiety 3 years and up untill about 3 months ago i was off meds and thought i had cracked it.very similar method to Pauls book.then i had a bad week before my holidays and panicked and started back om my meds i made it through my holiday but since then i have been very anxious and dpn finding hard to be strong with christmass coming up and im getting married in may i know i should be looking forward to these but at the moment in just a shell. cant eat waking up early negative thoughts etc.i see a lot of you read another book also is it worth reading and whot do any of you think of cbt and mindfullness.do any of you find reading the book again anyuse or am i just surrounding myself in anxiety? cheers

  235. Dean Says:

    hi scarlet

    Im slowly introducing myself to it slowly,but it will take time.i just want to know i have always had realy rased veins in my arms,but i dont know if im just focusing on it that it seems to be more apparent.is there anything to be concerned about or am i just being paranoid?and also my skin has become dry and its starting to peel like on my fingers and sometimes on my arms is that part of the anxiety or do i need to be concerned,but other then those worries i think im doing much better

    Dean

  236. Scarlet Says:

    Dean,

    The veins don’t sound like a problem at all..especially if you have pale skin… as I’ve aged myself I have noticed them more raised, and I’m not in the least concerned. As for the dry skin, could be lack of vitamins (what are you eating)…but don’t think it’s anything more than that.

  237. Dean Says:

    hi scarlet

    oh ok i tend to get the raised veins when im hot and a bit dehydrated,but it just seems to be more previlant,maby it does because i have found sumthing to obsess over.well i dont take vitamins.i eat almost everything hey.fruit,meat,chicken some sweet stuff and takew out.best of both worlds.

    dean

  238. lisa Says:

    hey dean your skin could be drying out with the cold weather you can buy cream for men.your skin is maybe lacking oils .or see your doctor as my niece suffers with dry peeling skin every winter and she has exzema might be worth just checking out but dont be worrying or obsessing.well done on your food anxiety i hope the tuna is going down good :-)

  239. JR Says:

    Candie…congrats !!! I haven’t been reading much of the posts recently, but feel the need to come back and refresh my memory every so often and especially in setback. Great to hear the good prego news!!! My wife and I sort of have the baby bug. We hope to have a baby in a few years. Wish you the best.

  240. brian Says:

    hey guys, i have to post something about how i am feeling. i have not been doing well lately so its depressing. i hate posting depressing things but i have no where else to turn so i am making myself do this.
    Guys i dont know why but this web site and everything it talks about has become completely meaningless to me. What i mean is that it no longer gives me any relief or peace when i read over the posts like it used to. For about 5 months after finding this site i made incredible progress. I was becoming so happy and my life was slowly coming back together. It was the greatest thing that had ever happened to me.
    Then maybe 4 months ago or so i had a setback that really stuck with me. i had had tons of set backs before but for some reason this one really bothered me. maybe it was because i was starting to feel so good that having a set back caught me off guard. but for whatever reason, something changed about my attitude from that day. since then i have not felt right, not even for a day. i know this web site is the answer to how i feel but reading over it does not make me feel any better now. it used to make me feel better to repeat things to myself like “acceptance” or “faith and patience” but it doesnt any more. i have no idea what the deal is but am desperately looking for some help. Maybe someone has had this experience? I dont know I just feel like I used to be so good at doing what this web site said but now everything seems totally different and nothing works. I know all the advice about set backs and accepting them but this feels different. i have tried accepting how i feel now for the past 4 months but nothing is getting better. If anyone has gone through this before I would love some input. Thanks

  241. Paul David Says:

    Hi Everyone, Just popped in to say a few words.

    Firstly Brian, take a look at this post it may help as it was written about not needing to repeat phrases of acceptance to yourself.

    http://anxietynomore.co.uk/blog/?p=40

    It is very common do get desensitised to words that once gave you comfort. Its not just about accepting how you are, its also about action. I would need to know more about your situation, but at one stage I used to just accept how I felt, but hide away. I needed to live again, introduce things into my day, not worry if I was accepting or not, not worry if I was getting better, not look back at how far I had come. I could be wrong, but you maybe measuring your progress each week, tuning in to how you feel, demanding progress and being dissapointed if it does not come. The best way to lose anxiety is to meet it head on and go through all it has to offer, but don’t watch or demand progress. I once went running and felt great afterwards, but made the mistake then of thinking ‘I will feel great again after my run, anxiety free for a few hours, burn off all that excess adrenalin’. So instead of immersing myself in the run and the nature around me, I was only thinking about my anxiety, how I would feel when I finished, I only ran for this reason. And if I came back and did not feel as good as expected I would be dissapointed and try and run harder the next time. I was making a big mistake, again I was giving anxiety all this respect and I was again ‘Trying to do something about it’ making it my aim to rid myself of it. I then just ran for me and forgot about the anxiety side of things, this made a massive difference. Don’t live your life trying to rid yourself of anxiety or make it better, ‘JUST LIVE’. This is still the mistake a lot of people make.

    Sometimes we have a setback and all the old fears and feelings return and we don’t just shrug our shoulders and carry on, we do start questioning it all again, we do feel sorry for ourselves, we do hide away or try to do something about it. If I had a setback and felt down then I would allow myself to feel down, not fill myself with self pity, but go with my mood, again not fighting against how I was feeling. But I always had an inner self belief that this period would pass, it always did, this is why I never let a setback drag me down where I felt I was back at square one.

    Candie/mummy, You don’t need to ask about putting the pic up, pass it on to me and consider it done. Hows the post office job going by the way? Still chatting the ears of everyone : )

    Also just got back into my running, wow its cold, but I need to keep it up. Also did 5 a side last night where the average age was about 25, they ran me off my feet and I felt exausted and think I over did it, I went to the pub and did not speak for a couple of hours, I was just done.

    Well I may do a small post before christmas and start again then in the new year. Again Scarlet thanks for helping out, I know many value your help and advice.

    Welcome back Lisa by the way, nice to see you back, hope the house move has gone well and your all set for a wonderful Christmas.

    Take care everyone

    Paul

  242. Helz Belz Says:

    hi!
    scarlet, i have been trying your advice to cut of all thoughts for a while and after 2 days now i think i am starting to see a difference. whenever i notice i am thinking i stop whatever it is, good or bad, just as practice to see if i can. brain-training, to show it doesnt have to always think. have noticed that instead of always feeling mildly anxious/depressed, i am feeling more general grey/pink, with just waves of anxiety/depression when someone mentions something like seeing people/going out etc that i avoided for so long over the last 2 years.

    some things are still hard though, like the disturbing existential thoughts, but i feel this could be a turning point :) thank you scarlet!

    i hope everyone else is having a good week, full of pink days! -x-

  243. selma Says:

    anyone ever get really instense flashbacks to memories or dreams out of the blue that are accompanied by a strange wave of panic and distress? this symptom really worries me and makes me feel like i must have some sort of terrible psych. disorder…. any comforting news woudl be great….it’s very distressing.

  244. Sam Says:

    Hey Scarlet,

    the thing i am having trouble with now at the moment i questions. For Example: will i ever get over this /anxiety? Why is everyone around me so happy and i eel like lost and depressed??? why is it that i would rather chill at home then go out with friends??? By the way i still force myself to go out with my friends but before i never questioned it at all…

    guess i could say that my days are grey and pink now, but waiting for the ay to be totally pink from morning to night..Dont know why my body has not yet healed…

    sorry for going on , its that i would love to see that light at the end of the tunnel and wish these 5 months were just a bad dream…

    Thanks
    Sam

  245. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Sam,

    Five months isn’t long in the grand scheme of things. Yes you will get over the anxiety, this is a question we all ask ourselves continuously whilst suffering. I remember going to a picnic in a park once with lots of friends and their kids, and feeling really weird, thought I would never recover, I was feeling real ‘out of it’ whilst the other folks were chatting and having fun… this was summer 2007, and it took me about another six months or so from there to be fully recovered. Please be patient Sam it will come to you as well. Grey and pink is extremely good after five months..

    “why is it that i would rather chill at home then go out with friends??? By the way i still force myself to go out with my friends but before i never questioned it at all…”

    Just get yourself out and about, and resist the temptation to just stay in and chill out when you could get out and about with your friends…do what you would have done before the anxiety, if this is chilling at home, all good and well….but if it’s staying home becasue of the anxiety, then go against it. Building your confidence up is ‘very’ important, and you don’t do this by staying home on your own. Soon you won’t be questioning it, and will be having a good time like the rest of them.

    HB, Selma, back later to respond…
    x

  246. Scarlet Says:

    Hey Paul,

    I just got back from my daily jog as well ;-) ..today mind you it was more of a fast trot whilst pushing a buggy. How you doing? I haven’t seen any 25 year olds this morning, I think they are recovering from a night of partying. Glad you managed to keep up with them at the 5-a-side in your neck of the woods.

    Hows your running going?, it’s lovely and warm here. Not Christmassy mind you and I haven’t even bothered to put any Chrissy decorations up… Just can’t get into the Christmas spirit yet, as I’m normally in a ‘colder’ country at this time of year and huddled up near the radiators. I have bought a few presents for my kids though and my eldest is out riding his (a bike). I never see him these days, he’s off on his bike all day.

    Oops sorry to mention Christmas btw.

    Cstch you later

  247. samantha Says:

    hi selma

    in answer to your question yes i get what you describe it can be dreams i had years ago and memories from years ago its does scare the hell out of me it usually happens when i first wake up in the morning

    samantha

  248. samantha Says:

    hi all

    just one question why do i wake in the morning with a feeling of dread i jut feel i will never get over this i try to accept this feeling along with all the others i have but they are still there despite working going to uni etc i thought once i got back into normal living these things would lessen also my mind is constantly racing on random things

    i really am at a loss at the moment

    samantha

  249. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Helz-Belz,

    “scarlet, i have been trying your advice to cut of all thoughts for a while and after 2 days now i think i am starting to see a difference, whenever i notice i am thinking i stop whatever it is, good or bad, just as practice to see if i can. brain-training, to show it doesnt have to always think. have noticed that instead of always feeling mildly anxious/depressed, i am feeling more general grey/pink, with just waves of anxiety/depression ”

    Glad to hear this. I did this for a while and found that I was able to control my thoughts easier. It can definitely take you onto another level of recovery when you practice it more. You have to let the thought come in, and whether good or bad.. you just accept it and don’t take it any further, ie. no analysing whatsoever of any thought…try and do this for a few weeks as and when you are able, this is definitely brain re-training. Don’t worry if you are feeling concerned that you may never return to ‘normal’ and be able to analyse anything, this is far from the case… you will soon be able to choose which thoughts you want to take further.

    “when someone mentions something like seeing people/going out etc that i avoided for so long over the last 2 years. ”

    Ooo and HB, don’t avoid going out, getting out and about seeing folks again will help your recovery no end..even if you feel crappy and emotionless…go.

    Lovely weekend

  250. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Samantha,

    “just one question why do i wake in the morning with a feeling of dread i jut feel i will never get over this i try to accept this feeling along with all the others i have but they are still there despite working going to uni etc i thought once i got back into normal living these things would lessen also my mind is constantly racing on random things

    i really am at a loss at the moment ”

    This feeling is nothing more than a habit hun.. Try and force yourself to look in the mirror and give a big smile, say “I am gonna be happy today no matter what”, it doesn’t matter if you are feeling full of dread…as daft as this sounds, it really helps, as you are modelling a behaviour you want to adopt…the psychiatrist advised me to do this, as I too felt like you did on a mornings. Promise you feeling like this will go in time.

  251. lisa Says:

    samantha,your still watching yourself wondering when it will all go i was the same.pay it no attention it just goes when its ready.whether its a pink or grey day accept it, no ones mood stays the same all day your just aware of it thats all.think its ok and get on with your day :-) . selma just wanted to say there just flash backs,let them come and go dont be bluffed by them,let yourself feel the anxiety to the flashbacks there just memories then go with the flow it does get easier then carry on what your doin :-) . paul house nearly finished just bathroom and kitchen to do now but there can wait until after christmas a well earned rest for me now. im thinking about the january sales ..lol.

  252. Helz Belz Says:

    Hi Scarlet, the practice of cutting off all thoughts is going well. all thats getting to me now really is the sudden feelings of dread/sinking feeling i get now. like earlier we mentioned putting up the xmas decorations and this sinking feeling came over me, then the feeling of dread, its very odd. makes my throat close up too, like i want to cry or be sick. in genral i am feeling a million times better, almost back to the good times i had between the last 2 anxiety/depression bouts, which is brilliant! :D today has been a bit worse, but with the grey and drizzle its not suprising.

    am much less emotionless, even went out to a play last night, with only a few times when my mind suddenly focused on itself, but i told it ‘never mind, doesnt matter’ and re-focused on the play. the empty feeling is there much less, just the dread-feeling while i’m decide to do something, but usually once i am doing somthing the feeling goes away or at least gets less. dont know if i am yet quite ready to let the anxiety go completely, which sounds stupid really.

    i can’t thank you enough for the advice! thank you! -x-

  253. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Helz-Belz,

    I know the exact pit in the stomach feeling of dread you mean. Accept it as another feeling and no more, and don’t analyse the ins and outs of it… Let it run it’s course. Glad you are feeling a wee bit better hun, see you are now controlling your own thoughts.. makes a world of difference.

    What play did you see? Anything interesting.

    I put up my Xmas tree tonight, only a little one, but my 2 year old shouted Wow!! made my day.

  254. Sam Says:

    Hey samantha

    I also wake in the morning with a feeling of dread i jut feel i will never get over these mornings…But whn i sleep in on saturdays i get it less…when i have h chance to sleep in i slep like 12 hours straight is that normal, i usually wake up early….nights are generally better….we analaze eveything and ask for prople advice for comfort regurly??

    Have a great day everybody and hnks scarlet again…

    Sam

  255. Sam Says:

    Hey everybody i rad this and it maks alot of sense!!!

    The universal antidote for all anxiety disorders is acceptance. Acceptance as a cure for many anxiety disorders means acceptance of the feeling and the thoughts that are automatically produced in the anxious, sensitized brain. But acceptance does not mean accepting the limitations in your life that anxiety is trying to force upon you. You become fully in control of your anxiety when you are able to acknowledge the feeling of anxiety, give it a quick nod to show that you know it’s there, and do the task despite the fear. Remember the old saying, “We have nothing to fear but fear itself” and see your anxiety as a worthy adversary, but one that is not stronger than you, and you’ll be on the path to self-mastery.

    Sam

  256. Ron S Says:

    Hi everybody:
    This my second post. The first concerned acohol and anxiety. I feel funny writing about my complaints when so many of you have been suffering far longer than me. I have had bouts of anxiety in the past and they all exhibits much the same symtons. General anxiety all the time,insomnia, dry mouth and rapid heat beat plus feelings of hopelessness and thoughts of lossing control. I know that acceptance is the key and living your life like normal is the way to go. I am finding it very difficult to accept the dry mouth while trying to get to sleep. The only time I feel remotely normal is after a couple of drinks in the evening. I keep thinking that the acohol will induce more sleep but it does not. Do you suggest that I give up the drinks since this could be inhibiting my progress? Gardening is (or was) my passion and so I am trying to force myself to do at least one chore in the garden each day whereas before, I would be in the garden all day enjoying my labors. I have read many of your postings and feel inspired but I cannot get over the feeling that my anxiety and depression is incurable. I try to encourage myself with positive thoughts but they just don”t stick. I have many great things in my life but I find it hard to be happy about them. I am going to see a therapist tomorrow with the plan to start group therapy for persons with anxiety. I guess my biggest problem in impatience. I go out and expect to feel better while doing my “normal” activities. You people seem to have a good handle on most of your situations and I hope that I can learn from your example. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
    Have a great day
    Ron

  257. Andrew Says:

    Hi Everyone,

    The last week or so have been some of the best days I’ve had since I started getting the anxiety attacks and crazy thoughts. Normally, I am ok during the day. I am able to go about my business and do things as normally as possible. But my anxiety usually come about in the middle of the night when I wake up. For some reason my thoughts always seem to run when I wake up in the night. Usually I am able to ignore these thoughts (during the day), but it seems so much harder at night. As a result, I am unable to fall asleep and I end up staying up with the adrenalin building up and in an anxious state. How can I turn off my thoughts when I wake up in the middle of the night?

    Another problem that I noticed is that when I am feeling better and I have gone for hours without feeling anxious, my mind would automatically try to test myself to see if I can arouse some kind of anxiety. It is as if I am checking in to see if the anxiety is still there… and usually I can make myself feel anxious (and I find myself doing this more at night when I wake up from sleep).

    Any advice or illumination? Thanks.

    Drew

  258. fiona Says:

    Hi Andrew, your problem with anxiety at the moment is the same as many other people and also something i do, the fact is your recovering but still have anxiety and you understand it but still have some fear. It takes a while to work you way out of the maze of anxiety.

    Scarlet,
    I like the brain training idea and your exactly right the brain doesn’t think all the time but unfortunately we often find ourselves caught in a thought bubble and these thoughts are hardly sweetness and light to say the least. My friend has came through A&D and says she can physically stop herslf thinking about things…. i think this is key!

  259. Ryan Says:

    Excellent post Paul, I agree with everything. Thank you :D
    Hope everything is great with you :D

  260. Helz Belz Says:

    Hi Scarlet,
    the play was Guys and Dolls at my old college. it was very good :) had a setback yesterday that has left me feeling more down today, but am working through it, want to feel the freedom of the pink days last week again. the anxiety is now just attaching itself to different things (xmas and decision making at the mo). kinda like it knows i’m onto it and its trying out new directions to get itself noticed!

    Andrew, the temptation to test is very strong, but it has to be avoided for a while, at least until you are more confident in yourself and your thoughts. think of your anxiety like a broken leg, you have to avoid putting too much pressure on it for a while until it is really more healed, if that makes sense.

    pink days all! -x-

  261. LORRYT Says:

    HI ALL

    havent posted but just read a few of others , i realise now what i was doing so wrong, but i am doing well. i have been in hospital yet again and this apprehension is hanging around , but it can hang around as long as it likes, someone put it so well, the anxiety sends itself off in new directions to get itself noticed, and the more we take the notice the more it takes hold!. wow it has taken some time but i just get on with life and am not so stressed by anything now. i have my moments dont get me wrong, but its all us doing it to ourselves!, just leave it alone it will go away, but not neccessarily when we want it to!.

    Hope everyone is keeping well, especially you Candie!

    have a great time at christmas everyone lol llorryt

  262. lisa Says:

    well i wished i had placed a bet on alex to win the x factor never mind!!! me and candie been busy choosing baby names..lol,george, fred or bernard for a boy, delia, nigella or gertrude for a girl..lol.candies going to kill me..lol.cant believe its christmas next week this year has flown by . my husband will be delivering the easter eggs to the shops next week.mini eggs i just love them yum yum.anybody bought any bargains from woolworths yet? not alot left in our store!

  263. Candie Says:

    hey Lisa, nothing like a grandpa or grandma name is there haha- my nanas name is gertrude… ok for her day, but dont think i will be calling my baby it lol! Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm easter eggs lol… i have had terrible sickness- dunno if its the morning sickness or a bug but its doin my head in! I am of shopping this sunday so i will check our woolies out then inform you of the bargains and gloat if i get any! :D

    Sorry to hear you have been in hospital LorryT… hope your feeling ok. You have come on in leaps and bounds and are headings for recovery- your attitude has totally changed… you no longer crave reassurance or post about every feeling- you have learnt to trust yourself- if you can do that then you are doing really well :). I am feeling ok thanks, sickness is bugging me but nevermind… il just have to ‘accept’ it haha. Your right about the anxiety taking on new directions when we overcome a fear…. my obsessive thoughts are just about gone now and now my attention has diverted to a feeling of a restricted airway or lump in my throat- its nothing that panics me or causes anxiety or fear but its irritating! I guess the feeling was already there but with my attention on my thoughts it was masked! Oh well, anxiety can only hammer at our door for so long!! Its like it is grasping at straws now and what few straws it does find seem so irrelevant and minor compared to how overwhelmed i was in the hight of things back when i suffered- desensitisation for ya!

    Have a good christmas everyone x x

  264. Kamini Says:

    Hey Candie… I am feeling the same lump in my throat. I think its pregnancy symptom dear. We are the same weeks pregnant, thats y we are having the same symptom.

    Well as for me i am ok. practising acceptance, but its hard sometimes. i am having pregnancy complications, alot of vomiting, no appetite. Well, thats part of it.

    Any do keep me update abut you.

    Ok bye.

  265. Scarlet Says:

    Hi all,

    Helz-Belz..no worries about wee setbacks, you’ll still get those..but keep practicing being in the here and now and don’t take your thoughts further.. I do it even now.

    Fiona..

    “My friend has came through A&D and says she can physically stop herslf thinking about things…. i think this is key!”

    I think it is the key, to be here in the present moment and not think about the future or the past. They do say the key to happiness can be found in the present moment,, and this is what a lot of depression/anxiety therapy teaches you (yoga, meditation, mindfulness).. Being in the present moment also takes the fear away, as you now become in control of your own thoughts and accept them, and have no need to take them further..

    Candie/kamimi, with both my sons I had terrible all day sickness that lasted 16 weeks. Don’t they say boys make you sick ;-) I was told that anyways, and it was true for me. Wishing you well, many pink days (or blue).

    Lorry sorry to here you have been in hospital again. I am so glad to see your attitude has changed. You can beat this hun. I had a friend who was in hospital for 1 year, and she’s fully recovered now… she’s due to get married soon and has a very good job.

    Ron, I think as long as it’s just a couple glasses of wine/beer and makes you feel good, then you don’t need to give it up completely. As for gardening if that was your passion then you need to force yourself to do it, even if you feel numb and emotionless. You need to percevere, and yes you can recover fully from anxiety, I know loads of people that have, and I am one of them ;–) Let us know how you get on with the therapy.

    Andrew, I know what you mean about it being worse during the night. I was the same. Can you get up and turn on the TV, or radio, or read a book till you fall asleep again. I would buy myself a good novel to read if I woke up in the middle of the night.

    “problem that I noticed is that when I am feeling better and I have gone for hours without feeling anxious, my mind would automatically try to test myself to see if I can arouse some kind of anxiety. It is as if I am checking in to see if the anxiety is still there… and usually I can make myself feel anxious (and I find myself doing this more at night when I wake up from sleep). ”

    This is normal, we all do this…soon the gaps inbetween the testing will become longer and after a while you’ll no longer try and test yourself. It’s a slow process mind you, but one we all must go through to get to the end.

    My hubbys relatives are coming this evening until 4th Jan (Yikes!!) :-O, but I will try and pop on here when I get chance.

    Lovely day everyone
    x

  266. Fiona Says:

    Babys name’s are a nightmare whats cute now maybe a suitable reason for a slagging when they start school in a few years. My friend was trying to her call her recently born baby Winnie…. then Maude! I think she was just trying to get a reaction from people though! Our other friends where telling her ‘Aww, there lovely names’ but i’m afraid i had to say to her straight that you cannot call your baby girl Winnie or Maud. She thankfully settled on Elsie Mae which is v cute :-)

  267. Dean Says:

    hi scarlet and lisa

    the dry skin has seemed to have gone away now,but still obsessing a bit over the rased veins but not as much as before.lisa the food thing is getting better and better slowly just allowing myself to come around slowly with it si havent tried the tuna yet.have you guys also find you forget things sumtimes like you can be thinkihg sumthing you want to do then it just dissapears and you cant think of it until a few minutes after does that happen as a result of anxiety.

    Dean

  268. Candie Says:

    Hey kamini- i googled (my bad!) the lump in throat during pregnancy and it turns out iv got heartburn! Silly girl i am lol, il be onto the doctor in morning for some gavascon!

  269. John Says:

    Hey everyone,
    I passed my Nursing class!!Now Im just waiting for my pharmacolgy grade! Im set up for online classes that I need to take. I am feeling a lot like my old self again. I been watching every movie even the sci fi ones. I must say Pauls advice as well as Scarlet and Candie’s advice as helped me through some difficult times. I get thoughts at random now there there but alot less now. I been sleeping pretty good and I been doing everything I did before and then some. I also believe tha anxiety will make me stronger and I think it already has. I mean there are things that I never said to people and also making plans with too many people and trying to figure out how to do both. I just cancel one or tell the other person If I can make it I will. I still overbook myself but thats because im forgetful now lol but i just tell the other person thats exactly what I did. Im getting closer to recovery and I dont even have to cut off thoughts all the time now. I defintly do think time off will help everyone but do get your answers from here. It really saved me. I can thank all the people on here enough. I still do have repetitive thought but Im ok with it.
    Hey Sam and helz hope everything is well with you also. Ill be on soon. Everyone Be well!

  270. Paul David Says:

    Aghhhhhhh so many posts to catch up on so here are a few words.

    Scarlet you have more willpower than me with the running, mind you the weather must be better over there, its freezing here and just the one run and a game of five a side this week, very cold even for this time of year.

    Lisa guess who did back Alexandra ahem, I backed her and Austin who went out early, so great result for me. Not a fan of other reality shows, so that’s me until next year.

    In my next post I will be putting a scan of Candies baby up and we will have some suggestions for names, it will be a bit of fun and may help Candie chose as she is a bit stuck.

    John your post above. Many people say ‘When did you recover, how did you know’ well I still had symptoms but they seemed so unimportant, I still did not like them, but instead of taking over my life, they were just an irritation. Your statement ‘I still get repetitive thought, but I am o.k with it’ is the first big step, the more you learn, the easier things become. Not only that but its never about having a symptom and trying to banish it, its your attitude towards it ‘its o.k to feel like this, it will not be around forever, the less respect I give a symptom, the easier it becomes’ The reason is because the more you try to rid yourself of a symptom, the more important you are making it, the more respect it gets. Do the opposite and learn to not care.

  271. Helz Belz Says:

    Just thought I would post this link. its about thoughts and OCD, and has helped a couple of us on the obsessive thoughts thread, thought maybe it would be of help here too.

    http://www.ocdonline.com/articlephillipson1.php

    John, well done on passing your class! its great to see how well you are doing! :D you are an inspiration!

    pink days all! -x-

  272. lisa Says:

    well done paul on your bet you jammy sausage..lol the baby naming sounds fun for candies baby.sorry candie i cant believe i picked your nans name your sickness will pass .i was lucky never suffered with it with my 2 children. well done dean but dont go avoiding the tuna just eat and let what comes come. congratulations john how did your wedding go?? :-)

  273. Paul David Says:

    Blooming heck Lisa have you been to night classes? I don’t have to moderate any of your grammer above :-)

    So proud of you, all that nagging really helped.

  274. Sam Says:

    hey everyone,

    first off congrats john, always new u could do it and everyone is proud of you on this blog.
    well I decided to stop taking my anti dep. pills for 1 week now and i should say i feel good…better when i was on them…was scared in the beginning but people say we know our body better than anyone…still accepting certain things like thoughts and must be positive and give the symptoms no respect as Scarlet thought us..

    One question Scarlet, my stomach pains are better, but i get some times like around my head, face and jaw its all tense. did u feel that???

    PS:John go habs go..LOL

    thanks
    Sam

  275. Raymond Says:

    Hello everybody,I wonder could somebody help me out with this one.For the last two or three months my anxiety has been really bad.I am having the same thoughts going round and round in my head constanly.I am not eating or sleeping well.The last two mornings i have got up feeling very diconnected.Its a wierd confused sort of feeling.Its like a feeling of being lost or distant not in reality.Last night i slept better and found myself having strange dreams but i felt like i was still in them when i woke up.It is like not being in the present.I was asking myself could i get lost in my own mind or could i get dementia at forty years old.Is this what dp is like.I suffer quite bad with anxiety but i always feel in the present.This feels very strange and scary.

  276. Candie Says:

    Hi Everyone

    Congratulations on passing your exam John, you should be really proud of yourself. I remember how much stress my studies put on me- yet i came out with a good result so it can be done!

    Raymond this is just depersonalisation- a lot of people suffer on the blog with it. Now you can nip it in the bud before you start to panic and fear how you feel- re-read pauls book and pages on his site regarding it… you will be just fine.

    Hey Sam- i too had really bad tension headaches- it is very common with anxiety! Infact it was the first symptom i had before i even new i had anxiety- i found ibuprofen was a godsend for treating it. Mines gone now, it subsides when the anxious tension does. Seriously mine was really bad i had to use bonjella all day every day as it numbed my gums and jaw a bit! My dentist told me that using a heated compress on your cheaks and jaw helps- it does too!

    Hey Scarlett- iv been catching up on some of the posts lately and saw one which you replied to… its about being about to stop yourself thinking a certain way. I have found recently that i can stop myself ruminating in any negative obsessive thoughts- infact for the past week i have not engaged in a single piece of secondary thinking! Every so often my mind will bring to my attention the fact that i havn’t checked my thoughts and i sometimes feel like i should be checking them- but i dont and i must say i feel 100% normal for it. I suppose i have just about cracked it now, eventually did your mind stop focussing on the need to check too? Its nothing overwhelming and requires minimal effort now. I really did have no control over my own mind before, the more i tried to over control the less control i had, so to all those that feel overwhelmed by it all- you will be ok- trust me. All day every day for over a year i had these thoughts, now i have reached this stage.. it really is possible for us all!

    Have a good week everyone, last week of work for me :D

  277. lisa Says:

    hey cheers paul :-) . candie that was a good question about checking your thoughts,i do that with my feeling which i know is a habit but find it difficult..last bit for me now.have you got all your christmas shopping done paul? cards wrote out “cough cough”!!, turkey bought!.im doing roast beef n yorky puds you cant beat it yum yum!! x

  278. JR Says:

    Scarlett your pattern of recovery with the black, gray and pink days is great. I’m going through a tough setback at the moment. I was doing so well for a little bit and then “wham” feels like I’m back at square one. I got away from reading the blog and looking at the book because it feels like I know most of stuff (my overactive mind will always “talk” to me letting me know what I’m doing wrong). I was doing so well, now right on my face. This has been a long setback and I think it’s because I’m trying to force it away, running around doing things so I don’t have to deal with knowing I’m in another setback.

    One thing that that I’ve fallen back into the habit of doing is following what that constantly “talking” chattering mind is telling me to do. I have loads of bad thoughts, like hurting the people I love, etc. but I don’t do these…I follow my mind, instead of my mind following me. “Don’t talk to that person, remember the embarrassment last time” or just small things like “don’t cook, you won’t enjoy it” and even though deep down inside I know that if I started doing it I would love it.

    Hope this makes sense, I want to help others when I get better. This is another stressor because I think I have to write down how I’m feeling or get scared that when I recover I won’t remember how I felt and won’t be able to help others.

  279. Scarlet Says:

    Hi JR,

    “Scarlett your pattern of recovery with the black, gray and pink days is great. ”

    Ooooo I can’t take credit for it mind you, as some lady on another forum mentioned it to me, but I think it’s a good way of classifying days… knowing that when suffering anxiety and depression you can have a mixture of all colours in one day… even during one half hour.

    “One thing that that I’ve fallen back into the habit of doing is following what that constantly “talking” chattering mind is telling me to do. I have loads of bad thoughts, like hurting the people I love, etc. but I don’t do these…I follow my mind, instead of my mind following me. “Don’t talk to that person, remember the embarrassment last time” or just small things like “don’t cook, you won’t enjoy it” and even though deep down inside I know that if I started doing it I would love it.”

    JR the setback has probably lasted so long becasue you aren’t facing up to your fears. Thoughts of harming those you love are extremely common. When I had my baby, I was terrified of being alone with him becasue I had terrible thoughts..but of course I had to continue to look after him despite the thoughts. I remember buying this highchair for him and was terrified of putting him in it in case he fell out (one of my many fears). I knew deep down this was irrational, so I forced myself to put him in it around 10 times a day. After couple of weeks the fear had disappeared, same with bathing him…I was terrified I might drown him, so I bathed him twice a day, and again the fear disappeared after a couple of weeks. When the fear disappeared for a few things, I found that I had confidence to do many other things I feared as well, and it built up from there.

    Avoidance, is one of the things you mustn’t do to get over this setback and recover fully (see Pauls last blog entry on avoidance). You MUST see people no matter if there was embarrassment before, and cook and not worry about whether you enjoy your food or not…say to yourself that you WILL enjoy it, model the behaviour you want to achieve..even if it is hard at first. Leave the mind chatter in the background and treat it as an annoyance in an almost flippant way, this really works..even though you don’t see immediate benefits sometimes. Attach no emotion to these thoughts.

    “Hope this makes sense, I want to help others when I get better. This is another stressor because I think I have to write down how I’m feeling or get scared that when I recover I won’t remember how I felt and won’t be able to help others.”

    It makes perfect sense. You will remember, no worries about that… your mind is so cluttered at the moment with trivial irrational worries, when the anxiety lifts and you can see more clearly..you will remember everything. I can still remember how I felt like it was yesterday.

    John

    CONGRATULATIONS! I knew you could do it.

    ________________

    Hope everyone is OK, I’ll be back later if I can, have visitors for a couple of weeks, and we are just nipping out to do some Xmas shopping.

    x

  280. Raymond Says:

    Hello everybody,Candie thanks for your reply and congrats on your news,can i ask for a bit more information on dp.As in my earlier post i felt that strangeness all day yesterday.On my way home from work last night and when i got home i felt when i spoke the words were not coming out right.There was a sort of delay when going to speak like a stutter.Also there seemed to be lack of concentration and not being able to remember words.I seemed to be repeating myself it was like everthing was delayed not being in real time.Everything seemed to be confused and a bit mixed up.I even felt a bit clumsy not quite with it.Then the more i thought about it it got worse because my anxiety levels went up.Is this also part of dp and does it pass.

  281. Candie Says:

    Hye Raymond- yes that is depersonalisation… Paul mensions in his book that he lost ability to have a conversation dwn to this. I too have had moments where iv been in conversation and Paused and felt like i dont know what im saying etc- it will pass when you accept it as part of your anxiety, if you spend your life pondering and worrying over it then it could linger. Its nothing to worry about as it eventually fades- no symptoms of anxiety are permanant and can be cured by responding to them with the right attitude.

  282. Scarlet Says:

    Hi John,

    Again Congratulations on passing your nursing class and all the best for the pharmacology.

    ” I am feeling a lot like my old self again. I been watching every movie even the sci fi ones. I must say Pauls advice as well as Scarlet and Candie’s advice as helped me through some difficult times. ”

    Glad to hear this John, if you get odd thoughts now and again, dismiss them and move on. You can do it, I’m confident of it. Re; Movies, I like a good psychological thriller myself … these are my favourite type of movies.

    “I get thoughts at random now there there but alot less now. I been sleeping pretty good and I been doing everything I did before and then some.”

    You are doing great, and are well on the road to full recovery. I am so pleased to hear that you’ve been doing lots of things and it’s good that you have been sleeping well. You can’t beat a good nights sleep, it can make all the difference.

    ” I also believe tha anxiety will make me stronger and I think it already has. I mean there are things that I never said to people and also making plans with too many people and trying to figure out how to do both. I just cancel one or tell the other person If I can make it I will. I still overbook myself but thats because im forgetful now lol but i just tell the other person thats exactly what I did.”

    It will make you stronger, I speak my mind a lot more now…before I tried too hard to please many folks (like you John), but I am definitely stronger in that dept.. and have no qualms about turning folks down if I can’t/don’t want to do something.

    ” Im getting closer to recovery and I dont even have to cut off thoughts all the time now. I defintly do think time off will help everyone but do get your answers from here. It really saved me. I can thank all the people on here enough. I still do have repetitive thought but Im ok with it.”

    I think you have turned a corner now and despite the odd ‘blip’ here and there that you may have, you are gonna do just fine ‘Nurse John’ ;-) I most definitely will come and be your patient when I visit the Big Apple.

  283. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Dean,

    How you doing? No worries about the raised veins, they are normal. I think you should try the tuna Dean… have a friend with you when you taste it, but you can and should do it, so that you can move on.

    “have you guys also find you forget things sumtimes like you can be thinkihg sumthing you want to do then it just dissapears and you cant think of it until a few minutes after does that happen as a result of anxiety.”

    Eeek I have that all the time, I put it down to old age ;-) joking aside, yes it does happen when you suffer anxiety, becasue your mind is so cluttered with rubbish/irrational thoughts that you fail to remember lots of things. It’s normal.

  284. Scarlet Says:

    Hey Paul,

    “Scarlet you have more willpower than me with the running, mind you the weather must be better over there, its freezing here and just the one run and a game of five a side this week, very cold even for this time of year.”

    Have you been for a run today? Actually I’m not running myself, but they have ‘buggy dashes’ over here, where mums meet up to run together pushing their babies in buggies whilst they do (a bit like a trolley dash). I haven’t done it myself, but I did do a fast sprint whilst taking bubs out the other morning ;-) I used to jog with my eldest son for a while, but am too lazy these days.

    “In my next post I will be putting a scan of Candies baby up and we will have some suggestions for names, it will be a bit of fun and may help Candie chose as she is a bit stuck.”

    Oooo I do like names that are flowers like Primrose and Petunia (ha ha!)… LOL Petunia, just remembered the old ad. Can’t wait to see the scan pic. Can we tell if it’s a boy or girl yet.

    Have you bought all your christmas pressies then Paul??? Only a week to go. Doesn’t feel like Xmas over here, it’s too hot and I can’t get into the old crimbo spirit like I could when it was damp, grey and miserable.

  285. Scarlet Says:

    Helz-Belz,

    I have seen that article. That guy is an expert on obsessive thoughts and I have read many of his articles… what he writes rings true. Did you see his video? How you doing?

    Hi Sam,

    “well I decided to stop taking my anti dep. pills for 1 week now and i should say i feel good…better when i was on them…was scared in the beginning but people say we know our body better than anyone…”

    How are you feeling, and hows the weaning off the ADs going. I did it cold turkey must admit, and it wasn’t easy, but it was the best thing that I did.

    “still accepting certain things like thoughts and must be positive and give the symptoms no respect as Scarlet thought us..”

    Glad to hear this, just dismiss them and let them be in the background as you carry on with your ‘normal’ life.

    “One question Scarlet, my stomach pains are better, but i get some times like around my head, face and jaw its all tense. did u feel that???”

    This is most definitely one of the common symptoms. I had it for the first few months and spoke to many folks who had this symptom as well…so no worries Sam it will go. Glad to hear that your stomach issues have subsided.

  286. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Raymond,

    “I wonder could somebody help me out with this one.For the last two or three months my anxiety has been really bad.I am having the same thoughts going round and round in my head constanly.I am not eating or sleeping well.The last two mornings i have got up feeling very diconnected.Its a wierd confused sort of feeling.Its like a feeling of being lost or distant not in reality.Last night i slept better and found myself having strange dreams but i felt like i was still in them when i woke up.It is like not being in the present.I was asking myself could i get lost in my own mind or could i get dementia at forty years old.Is this what dp is like.I suffer quite bad with anxiety but i always feel in the present.This feels very strange and scary.”

    Yes it sounds like dp. I had it bad as well for a long time. Please do not fear dp, it is very common with anxiety, and is the result of a tired mind, what with the constant analysing of thoughts during the day and probably at nights as well. Your brain is tired… but it will go most definitely. For the moment, accept the thoughts, let them be in the background and carry on with ‘normal’ daily activities despite feeling disconnected. You will not get lost in your own mind, nor is it dementia… in fact it is quite the opposite.

  287. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Candie,

    Oooo enjoy your last week of work hun. Are you working in the New year, or relaxing now that you are ‘with child’.

    “Hey Scarlett- iv been catching up on some of the posts lately and saw one which you replied to… its about being about to stop yourself thinking a certain way. I have found recently that i can stop myself ruminating in any negative obsessive thoughts- infact for the past week i have not engaged in a single piece of secondary thinking! Every so often my mind will bring to my attention the fact that i havn’t checked my thoughts and i sometimes feel like i should be checking them- but i dont and i must say i feel 100% normal for it. I suppose i have just about cracked it now, eventually did your mind stop focussing on the need to check too?”

    Yes there comes a point when you are able to do it without checking. At first you have to force yourself to do it, then you tend to remind yourself once in a while that you haven’t been checking yourself, then it becomes second nature and you don’t think about the checking at all. You are at that stage. I call this the 99% stage.. I was there for a good few months. These days I can stop myself thinking, it’s almost like meditation, but whilst doing household chores (LOL). I keep myself in the present moment most of the day really, unless I have a good bit of juicy gos to analyse ;-) (being from Hull ha! ha!)

    Like you say, it is possible for us all to be fully rid. When you look back on those who have suffered (on this blog and other forums) and see them go from rock-bottom to almost recovered, then fully recovered, you realise that anyone can do it.. and to be honest, when I was suffering, it did spur me on to see others that have been through what I was going through come through the other end. This alwsys lifted my mood, if only for a brief second at times.

    Take care Candie and have a lovely weekend.

  288. Scarlet Says:

    Sam, meant to say that the passage you posted is so true, especially the bit about not accepting the limitations anxiety imposes on you.. This I found the hardest, but the most necessary for recovery.

    “The universal antidote for all anxiety disorders is acceptance. Acceptance as a cure for many anxiety disorders means acceptance of the feeling and the thoughts that are automatically produced in the anxious, sensitized brain. But acceptance does not mean accepting the limitations in your life that anxiety is trying to force upon you. You become fully in control of your anxiety when you are able to acknowledge the feeling of anxiety, give it a quick nod to show that you know it’s there, and do the task despite the fear. Remember the old saying, “We have nothing to fear but fear itself” and see your anxiety as a worthy adversary, but one that is not stronger than you, and you’ll be on the path to self-mastery

  289. Natalie Says:

    Hello all!

    I just wanted to share a symptom which i’ve had about 4 bursts of over the past couple months.
    By where i suddenly go into really deep thinking of either dreams or events that have happened in the past. I can achieve this state by not even feeling anxious or tired at the time.
    I get very confused and try to work out if it was a dream or reality, then the thought links into another one, then another one, till i feel like my mind has gone to sleep and i’m dreaming ( but i’m awake) It is quite scary when it happens but now it’s not bothering me as much.It would be good to maybe have a bit of reasurrance as i would like to nip this one in the bud and not let it worry me anymore.

    I hope you’re all having a good day!

    Natalie

  290. Candie Says:

    Natalie sounds like a feeling of deja-vu( i get it sometimes)… but you have analysed so much you may of got a bit anxious and depersonalised for a bit!

    Hi Scarlet- work finishes this monday thank god! Im only an xmas temp so im looking forward to the rest lol. I did think that i would stop checking if im ‘checking’ eventually- as it just feels like things will pan out that way! I know its going to take a while for the habit to fade but its ok….. i feel a 100 times better now then previously! I know things will still be up and down but a lot less. I am having bright pink weeks now, and the majority of the other days are mostly pink too! I am going to re-read pauls book and look through a few of his posts tomorrow as i arnt at work till five- every now and then i like to refresh my memory as it sort of keeps me on track too lol. I love to gossip too! I am really bad for it on the phone to my friends, its a female thing isnt it lol! I think you should get yourself into the christmas spirit… watch xmas movies with your kids and do festive things- you may not have miserable weather but you can still be festive :D I have been trying to learn Paul to accept christmas, i am his christmas therapist… slowly we are getting there, who knows by next xmas i may even get a festive e-card from him! Haha he sooooooooo hates xmas.

  291. Nicole Says:

    Hi all,
    I forgot how helpful it can be to read these posts. I have not checked in for several weeks. I have been well but I am still learning how to handle stress effectively. I think that this is what often sends me into set-back mode. With Christmas and all that it brings and working full-time and having 2 kids it just seems like too much to handle sometimes. Then my anxiety goes up and it becomes another challenge in the midst of everything else. I really love Christmas but I find it hard to enjoy when stressed out.
    These last two days have been my toughest in a long while. Any words of advice on how to get it all done, enjoy and de-stress at the same time? Sounds impossible!! Good to see that everyone is doing so well.
    By the way, I am going on 3 years with anxiety and can’t help but feel that with all I have studied that it should be well on its way out by now. I know that this thought is not helpful, but it just seems to keep rearing it head. I know that Paul had this for 10 years, but with all of this helpful info at hand and the progress that I have made it really gets me down when the symptoms come back strongly. I keep reminding myself that people get better every day, but at times it seems sooo far away.
    Nicole

  292. LORRYT Says:

    Me again, just seeing how everyone is?. Candie, hows the name choosing coming along, i have a few for ya, my daughter goes to school with get this Trinity, Skyla, Kaycee. sorry but i am old fashioned i have a Lucie and an Anna.
    I must admit this year is the first year in 10 years i can really say i am looking ofrward to christmas!, and it feels good. i think things are slowly dropping into place, i am very tired though. Mu hubby has this awful flu bug and cannot stop coughing so needless to say i am not sleeping well at all which isnt helpiing me, my anxiety sees a small gap to jump in and boy its pushing the door hard today !.
    its my birthday tomorrow!!!!!! i will be 36 blooming heck where did the last 10 years go, i still feel 21!, lets not go down that route !
    well thansk guys for all your support and lets hope that the new year can bring us all a lot more peace within and happiness.
    our attitudes dont change overnite , but when they do it feels like a weight has lifted from us. we can all do it
    u r great and have a good day allxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  293. Andrew Says:

    Hi everyone,

    I’ve been having tension headaches. Sometimes I’m not sure if it is triggered by my anxiety or the other way around. I had this several years ago, but back then I didn’t realize it was the anxiety that fueled my headaches. Sometimes I wish I didn’t know about anxiety and panic attacks. Knowing a lot is power and good, but sometimes it gets you into trouble too. Mainly my anxiety is triggered by physical symptoms like tension around the head or my mind wanders especially when I’m watching television or a movie.

  294. Duya Says:

    Hi all,
    Haven’t posted for a while — been fairly busy these days… and, to be honest, I’m *taking a break*; this sad affair had affected my life more for some 9 months, and for the time being I don’t like the topic too much. The wounds are still fresh.

    I consider myself 99% cured now; haven’t had any symptoms for almost a month, apart from frequent waking up at dawn… So, just a heads up for everyone: recovery is within reach, and in your hands.

    Stomach problems from last couple of months turned out to be my first gastritis rather than some strange IBS… I’ve never had stomach problems (even during the anxiety days), but then, I had never had anxiety either… and I’ve never been 35 before :-). It’s gonna pass, too.

    Uh, re-reading the above, it turned out a bit bluer than I intended to… Let it be. But again, heads up everyone, this year was bad for most of us. The next one will certainly be better; just have patience and acceptance. All of this is part of life. And Merry all!

  295. Helz Belz Says:

    Hi all,
    just a quick thing, but is irritablility something to do with anxiety? it prob just my mind looking for things to hang on to, but it seems to be concentrating on how irritable i sometimes get. im not usually an irritable person, and i dont like feeling it.

    Hi Scarlet,
    went to london yesterday for an interview. it was good, nice peaceful area. the anxiety was there but manageable in the morning, but in the afternoon i went to the busier areas around the british museum and that was too much. mind went very loud and busy and found it hard to concentrate, went into mild d.p. but didnt realise i had until it left me back at home. mind is much clearer today, with all the worrying and obsessing that went on yesterday seeming a little silly now. but at the time it felt right to be worrying about those things (it got stuck on my feelings of irritation). oh well, black times happen without warning sometimes, it was hard trying not to cry all afternoon though. feel like i’m in majoriity grey/blue days now. prob still focussing on it too much as well, but more brain training should get that going. its odd, but sometimes when my mind gets into thinking and obsessing, at the time its hard but it feels like its the right thing to be doing. even though it stops me being able to concentrate or enjoy things. is that because i’m so used to thinking/obsessing/d.p. that it has become more normal for me?

    pink days for everyone now its nearly Christmas! -x-

  296. Candie Says:

    Hi Helz belz

    Yes been irritable is a major symptom of anxiety- i am just about of my meds completely (after many previous attempts) and i do feel really irritable…. like i cant relax but dont want to sit still. It is perfectly normal.

    I am having it mainly due to coming of my meds, but not to worry others coming of them… my meds are not propper anxiety meds- they are old school and addictive.. the ones they dish out these days are much easier to come of. Some stupid doctor gave me them in a moment of madnes 2 years ago and i relied on a high dose for way too long! The good thing is each 25mgs i am lowered the side effects only usually last about 5 days… i dont feel anxious… just irritable and a bit spaced out. I know this time im of them for good, my whole attitude has changed and i just know i dont need them anymore. I still have symptoms but no anxiety or adrenalin with them- i think these symptoms are like what paul still had after he recovered, your body still holds a few habits but nothing that makes you anxious or panicky! Mine will fade eventually i am positive of it. I was on 6 tablets a day which was 150mg… im now on one tablet which is 25mg and i can honestly say i feel much better. I have started noticing things that feel so normal but i havnt felt for a long time, normality can seem so foreign when you have lived in an anxious bubble for a couple of years!

    Wishing everyone the brightest pink of days over christmas :D x

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