Off Topic Chat

Hi Everyone. Well there has been a lot of replys to the last post and many newcomers to the blog, so a welcome from me and I hope you find the blog helpful. Also thank you to Scarlet and Candie for some excellent posts. Its great to come back and see good advice that I totally agree with on my return from holiday and I am sure your posts have helped a lot of people. That also goes to anyone else who posts on here supporting and helping others, its greatly appreciated.

If people would like to carry on posting on the topic below then feel free, I just wanted to take a break from advice and have an off topic post. Having a break from the subject can also help. So here are a few things I would like to add.

Firstly my holiday was a disaster. It rained for 3 days solid and boy does it rain abroad. I went down with a cold for 3 days and the resort was far too quiet. I think from now on I will stick to the U.K : ) No it really was disappointing and I just wanted to get back to be honest. One funny incident was me being pulled on stage to do flamenco dancing and it was filmed. I am going to try and put it on youtube for anyone who wishes to see how not to dance : )

Secondly I did mention to a few people about raising money for an anxiety charity. They have always been good to me and I wanted to give something back. The site is They struggle for finance and need all the help they can get. So I have been in training for the last few weeks so as to do a 10k run just after christmas. I have yet to decide which run but it will be in the Yorkshire area. If anyone would like to get fit and maybe do the race, then just get in touch and I will give you more details. I will also post nearer the time when I do it and post some pics after the event.

Lastly I was sent this video of a lion that was brought up in London by two friends. The lion got too big and was taken out to the wild and set free. The two men who looked after him went to track him down and were warned the lion would not remember them, how wrong they were, you have to see the reunion, but get the kleenex ready.

Please feel free to join in some off topic chat or comment on the above, maybe tell us a bit more about you and what you do, post a clip of something, anything at all.


295 Responses to “Off Topic Chat”

  1. Carol R Says:

    Hi Paul, Sorry to hear your holiday was a disaster, sounds like the kind of holiday I have. My last weekend to center parcs resulted in me spraining my ankle the first day and then tripping over a rope on day two and landing on my face in bark chippings.! I came home with an ankle twice as big, a scared face and two blue legs. Nevertheless, I had a great time and actually enjoyed a weekend away from my anxiety. I will look forward to seeing you on youtube. I hace watched the lion video, very moving.
    I am 41, married with a 17year old son and work part time in a post office. I have a lovely rabbit called Henry who is 8 months old and so very tame. I think he thinks he is a baby! I am pleased to hear you are doing a run and although you can probably tell running is not my thing(have trouble walking sometimes!), I would like to sponsor you. Let me know what you decide to do. Thanks and good luck.

  2. Paul David Says:

    Hi Carol, Thanks for telling us a bit more about you, always nice to know a bit more than just a name. I have always wanted to go to centre parcs, but my partner only gets school holidays off as she works in a school as a truancy officer and it seems to be very expensive at these times.

    Sorry to hear about your fall, but your right a break from anxiety is good, just bringing them other things into your day takes your focus of yourself.

    I will let you know more about the run nearer the time, there will be a page put up for anyone who wishes to sponser me and will show what total I am up to, any little bit will help, but no pressure on anyone to do so, I know times are hard at the minute.

    Take care


  3. James Says:

    Hi paul, seeing as i have used the blog a lot recently i would like to take the opportunity to thank you for your advice. This weekend just gone enabled me to take on board what you have said and put it in use in what is, for an anxiety sufferer, a tricky environment. I left work on Friday and got the train to manchester. I had a few beers and went on to watch a concert before retreating to my hotel about midnight. On Saturday i returned home and then went out shopping and on to the watch the football, my first game of the season as previously the thought of a huge crowd was rather daunting. That to me was a personal victory, in fact the whole weekend was, as previously this would have been out of my comfort zone. I feel the key was that because i was full of confidence after Friday i carried it into Saturday. So that is the kind of thing i do as the norm which the teachings are heping me bring back into my life. Also the run sounds good, i was back in the gym recently but injured my leg playing football and had a few weeks out so this has halted my recovery a bit. Will you post some information on the run when you know a bit more.

  4. katie x Says:

    hi paul that film was lovely they were so happy to see the lion…
    sorry to here about ur holiday the rain always comes….. i would lke to personally thank you myself im so much more confident now than i was 6 months ago i dont know whether you remember an email i sent once about going into a physciatric unit of somesort thought it was going to lead to something else well hey i havent gone mad yet and i let all the feelings come with me wherever i go its bothering me less and less i sleep much better and im getting my appetite back and gaining a few pounds everyones noticed which is great i know im on the right path all down to you thank you very much u literally saved my life in my eyes…x

  5. Paul David Says:

    Hi James, That is really good news. Once we get out of our comfort zones we find we go places and do things far easier than we thought. Even if our levels rise it does not matter, its still only adrenalin, we may feel it more than others as our nerves are sensititised, but it still can do you no harm.

    One thing I learnt very early on was rather than avoid certain feelings or have them make me run for the exit, I actually went towards them with a ‘so what’ attitude, it was only adrenalin, a feeling that’s all, nothing that could hurt me. We need adrenalin in a healthy body otherwise we would not know danger when we came across it, it is a normal bodily response, its about not letting it bluff you into thinking there is danger, when there is not, that’s why at times you have to go against your instincts, your natural response. This is why I always passed through it and that’s where I unraveled a lot of my own fears, they were false, created by a sensitised body.

    Anyway well done and you should be very proud of yourself for just going about your day, that’s what it is all about, to get normality back, we have to try and live as normal life as possible.

    On the run, yes of course I will let you know. I was going to do one on Jan 4th but its a bit to near christmas and I am not sure I will be trained up by then, maybe arunf Feb/march, I will have a look and see what is available and post as soon as I have a date.

  6. Paul David Says:

    Hi Katie, I will try and reply to everyone personally if I can as its nice to get to know people better. I wish I could spend more time here doing so as I have said it before but there cannot be a better more supportive bunch of people that come on here.

    On your email Katie I don’t remember the actual email but have had many like this in the past and your post above is proof that it can take time, so many people including me all those years ago want instant success, but it takes time for our bodies to adjust.

    Also thanks for your kind words, it means as much to me as it does to you that this site has helped you and the reason I carry on with it. I know how important it would have been to me to have somewhere for me to go. I suffered in silence for so long and had no internet in those days, so its a pleasure to help.

  7. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Paul,

    Sorry to hear about your holiday. I remember going to Spain myself this late on in the year many moons ago and it rained as well, in buckets. Let me know about the run, not that I’ll be able to join you from this far, but I’ll be there in spirit LOL, and do let us have a gander at the flamenco dancing when you get the chance.

    “{that’s why at times you have to go against your instincts, your natural response. This is why I always passed through it and that’s where I unraveled a lot of my own fears, they were false, created by a sensitised body.} ”

    I can so agree with this Paul, I remember being absolutely petrified to get on a plane, and having a panic attack on the plane and in the airport. I almost didn’t get on, but was glad I did in the end, and I’ve flown about 10 times since with no probs. Had to pass up on the bungee jumping though Carol 😉

    I’m mod on a post natal forum, a child psychologist, mum of 2 boys and living in UAE….

    Catch you later Paul



  8. Paul David Says:

    How are you adjusting to your new life in UAE Scarlet? It must be a big change, hope it worked out o.k for you.

    Also Scarlett I did the plane one, I nearly did not get on, but I did and with no problems at all, the airport hanging around was the worst, too much time to think. I have been away since and as you say no problems. The plane one is popular as we feel more enclosed. I felt a bit breathless and nervous, but I just got on anyway and found myself reading my book and looking out of the window within no time and was so proud of myself for not being bluffed into not doing it.

    I am really trying with the youtube clip, it was filmed on a phone (quality not brill, like the dancing lol) and I cannot find the leads, once I find them hopefully it should not be a problem downloading it on there, watch this space!

    Catch ya layer Scarlet


  9. lorryt Says:

    hi Paul

    sorry to hear about your hols, sounds like mine last year, it was the start of my breakdown !! wont go into details as you would never believe me it was that bad. It has been a really rough year and you lot have helped beyond belief. would love to sponsor you paul, anyone who does things for charity i admire.
    well i think i can say a few things about me, 35, married 12 years, and 2 beautiful girls, have 4 nutty cats and 1 nutty husband!.
    mY anxiety is completely irrational thought mainly about the future and my kids and it ruins the time i should be enjoying with them. maybe its beacuse i lost my mum at 25 and i relaise i didnt know what i wanted to know about her, guess thats what scares me, along with a few other stupid things.
    but gradually i am getting through it, support and understanding is all we all need and you lot do it very well

  10. Dean Says:

    hi paul

    sorry to here about your holiday hey.tell me have you ever been to south africa,its one beautiful country and very warm and friendly people here and the nature conservation and wildlife are breathtaking here. I think that you must plan your next holiday for here lol
    I love it and i was born and raised here and seen a lot of changes taking place, some good some bad, but thats all countries for you.


  11. Scarlet Says:

    Paul, I worried about planes even before my anxiety as we went on a really bad flight once from Munich to Brussels and i thought it was going to crash, such bad weather. This was 15 years ago, before then I’d never given it a second thought, but after that couldn’t stop panicking every time I got on a plane… I let it pass mind and this was not the start of my anxiety or anything, but of course when I had my second son and suffered PND then it came back with a vengence. Now I am well again, I can distract myself from it but whenever there’s turbulance I do look around to see other folks reactions, and I flew 2 weeks after 911 to the States on Am Air and didn’t sleep a wink. So I wouldn’t say it’s fully gone, but nothing I can’t live with. I guess we are all afraid of some things, even my hubby is a wee bit afraid when we take off and land but doesn’t show it.
    I have learnt not to show it as well, and look as calm as larry.


  12. Paul David Says:

    Hi Lorry, I remember when you first came on here and you do seem to have made strides. All the worrying is an off shoot of anxiety but you do have the power to just live without worrying. Just begin to let all worrying thoughts go, they are not real anyway. Live just for the moment you are in, worrying about the future just brings you nothing but feeling bad. I read a article once called ‘Stop worrying and start living’ it had a profound affect on me and made so much sense. It was all about a problem only being a problem if you go over and over it. This was the same with my anxiety, ‘Would I ever get better’ , ‘I feel awful again’ , ‘What if I am like this for the party next week’ and yes worrying about everything and anything, it had become a habit as much as anything. But I was able to reverse it by just letting any negative, worrying thought go, it was not having my attention anymore, I was not going to investigate it. This approach helped me so much and I just lived in the moment and not for next week or next year, worrying about tomorrow, next week, next year, the bills, my relationship, all the negative thoughts that seem to come with anxiety. You will get there, trust me, but try not to take negative thoughts serious, just begin to let them go and don’t waste time investigating them all.

    Dean I have not been to South Africa, I am not a fan of travelling, 4 hours to Malta is enough for me. Not an anxiety thing, just find it so boring on planes, once I have read the safety leaflet I am twiddling my thumbs lol. But I am sure its a lovely country.

    Scarlet, Even at the height of my anxiety I had no problem with flying, it came because I went to Malta and was so poorly, I should not have flown. I had to be looked after by the cabin crew. I felt so faint, sick, honestly I was a wreck and have no idea how I managed to get there without collapsing. I arrived in Malta and had to go straight to the doctor and was told what I had (could not spell it if I tried) and was put on antibiotics and loads of other potions. Anyway 4 days later I was o.k, but on my way back in the airport my anxiety brought on all the ‘What if I feel like that again’ it sort of accociated the journey with feeling awful and I started to feel sick and nervy and nearly did not get on. It was memory of the bad flight mixed with my anxiety, but I got on and passed through my instinct not to and had no problems. I don’t actually mind flying too much, but like you sometimes look at others for signs everything is o.k.

  13. Candie Says:

    Awww that Lion thing is soooooooooooooo cute! Bless 😀

    Sorry to hear your holiday was ruined Paul, stick to the British sea side, ya cant beat Blackpool!

    Hope everyone is Ok x

  14. Stephen Says:

    Hi Paul & everyone

    First of all thanks for getting the book posted off to me so quickly Paul, i got it within a week and its the only thing i refer to plus the site when i get the urge to google. It will be by my side on the overseas family holiday i take in december just incase i need reminding and reassurance along the way. Well i am 20 and live in Australia and currently in uni doing urban development which is town planning and urban design. I love the Uk and have some family and friends in Shefielf, really would like to live there actually haha. Sorry about your holiday Paul, it is very disappointing when you expect so much from a holiday yet it gives so little in return lol.

    Really applying the acceptance thing, but the only thing i struggle with accepting is feeling down/depressed at times. i have know idea why i find it so much harder and it effects me the most! Grrrr.My anxiety story is almost identical to yours paul so i keep reminding myself if paul did it i will do it in time.

    Awesome movie of the lion, gave me the warm and fuzzies haha

    Take care everyone

  15. mike Says:

    hello everybody,
    my name is mike i am 30, married with 3 beautiful children, 2 boys 10&5 and a little girl who is nearly 3. i am a very keen sports fan, my favourite sports being football and rugby league.
    regards the run paul i would be definately up for doing the run as i would like to help in anyway i can regards anxiety.
    i cant open the clip of the lion im in work, but ill have a look later.
    all the best everybody.

  16. Paul David Says:

    Candie do you remember the last time I went in the U.K? Bridlington, it was awful lol….I do like the sound of an adventure or cycling holiday.

    Stephen for get accepting or that phrase, rather just go with it, if you feel depressed just go with it. Don’t start questioning it all or go down the road of self pity. However you feel you feel and just try to get on with your day, you don’t have to go around saying I must accept this thing. All you can do is just accpet this is you for now and try not to question it, worry about it, don’t waste energy trying to rid yourself or work it all out.

    Trust me the more you learn the easier things will become.

    On living in the U.K. Its home but with crime on the rise and the price of living it would not be my choice. A friend of mine has just moved to Australia and loves it.

  17. Paul David Says:

    O.k Mike, I am going to find a date and a place for ther run this week. I have your email and will email you more details, there are a few to chose from, one without too many hills will do : ) But be great to have you along, I am going to give it around 3 months, so plenty of time to get fit.

    What is happening to Man City by the way?

  18. James Says:

    Afternoon, i know this is slightly off the topic, Paul, but have you done a post on feelings of depression/feeling downbeat. Only this is something i am finding particularly difficult during my recovery.

  19. Sam Says:

    Hey Paul ,

    I am new and i must say that Carol + james + others have helped me so much. I am at the step of excepting it and trying hard which is not all that easy…the smyptoms are slowly going this week..its been 3 months…and the thoughts are getting a bit better must stay positive…and go with the flow…thank god i have an amazing wife that always takes care of me by being positive and helping me..Paul i know in the future anxiety could come back but once we deal with it can we really be back to normal or always feel some kind of symptoms???

    Great people + great blog


  20. Scarlet Says:

    James/Stephen, Depression was the last thing for me to go really. The anxiety tapered off much quicker. I have heard so many people say this as well. Please know that it will go, like Paul says just get on with your day when you are feeling crappy and it will subside, this is the way to go with both anxiety and depression.

    Lorry I lost my mum when i was 28 and my Dad died in 2006 when my son was a baby. You will get past this I promise you, as difficult as it is, try and make lasting memories with your children…at first it will be hard, but soon you will go to sleep with that satisfied feeling that you did all you could. This is what I did. I tried to do something with them everyday despite feeling crappy. None of us know what’s around the corner, and I’m so sorry that you lost your mum at a young age, but there was nothing you could do. I would love to be able to talk to my mum on the phone, and I needed her so much when I was poorley, and there are loose ends I wish I could have tied, things I wished I’d found out about her, but that was not to be, and I’ve accepted that now ….you will too. Like Paul says you need to live for the moment, have you tried any techniques to help you, I know some people swear by EFT, but I have to say when it all started tapering off for me I tried mediation and it helped me most definitely. I read that article which Paul mentioned as well, and I found Don’t Sweat the small stuff really helped good. In fact I think I have them both somewhere on PDF .

    Paul, I went to Bridlington many times as a child, love the fish n chips by the seaside…brings back so many memories of times there with my parents musselling and cockling and picking shells. Hmmm I can smell the Bridlington air as I speak now.


  21. Adam Says:

    Hey guys ang girls, Sorry to hear about the holiday. :) I wanted to post a question so I can be sure what I am doing is not counter productive.

    I have read your book and it makes sense and it is nice to hear that you can recover form GAD after being told i couldnt. However I am aware my physical symptons are just excess adrenaline and they do not bother me. However I seem to come out of my normal thoughts (sometimes anxious ones) the thoughts I do not create just subconcious thinking. and its almost as if it is a conscious decision that I begin generally pondering over that thought, how I feel, thinking about anxiety, what I should be doing about my anxiety etc. etc. Now should i just stop myself doing this. Would this be accepting my thoughts? or is this fighting them again? This seems to be the final thing for me after getting over my physical symptoms and really horrible thoughts. This pondering seems to be what makes me feel anxious and up tight. what I am asking I guess is as soon as I become conscious of a thought should I just not react to it anyway not start thinkign or pondering over it? and when I find myself pondering over oneself should i stop doing that? would this all be classed as doing nothing / not reacting? if what I am doing is correct would this eventually allow me to live in the moment and stop being so selfaware of my thoughts and feelings?

    Sorry if the above is not worded to well. :)


  22. Scarlet Says:

    Sam, in my opinion, once you have found out all you need to know about this illness, it will never come back. Of course there’ll be odd times that you will be depressed/anxious, that is normal, and I have had a few tearful days myself just lately…but I accept them as down days and I know exactly what to do to pick myself up, and that is to carry on as normal despite feeling crappy. Once you have done this and seen that it actually works you will be afraid no more of it ever returning.

  23. lorryt Says:

    hi scarlett

    i was told about eft by a psychotherapist when iwas at my lowest but i was scared of doing anything. i have let my mum go but still wish she could have seen my kids, i know she is watching over us all. i was on medication for 8 years, on and off, and this place is th eonly place that has made a huge difference, i went to counselling which was great, but the priory was a complete waste of time, more trouble it caused than helped!. its all about time i guess, and acceptance. if you had those articles they may help if you could email em to me, would be most apreciated

    take care and thanks again for the supportxxxx

  24. Paul David Says:

    James, Sam….

    O.k pretty much want to keep things off topic. but I will say a few words below.

    Afternoon, i know this is slightly off the topic, Paul, but have you done a post on feelings of depression/feeling downbeat. Only this is something i am finding particularly difficult during my recovery.

    Scarlet pretty much summed that up. Depression came with the anxiety for me, mainly because I was just fed up with how I felt, I was full of self pity, I had nothing to look forward to, anxiety had drained me mentally and emotionally, so is it any wonder we can feel depressed. But certain things can help and as I said in my book ‘Don’t be depressed because you are depressed’ in other words don’t fill yourself with self pity and feel sorry for yourself, quesioning everything, this just feeds the depression. Its the same as don’t be anxious because your anxious. I found excercise the best way, I have always run on and off and on a particualr bad day I would as I put it ‘Go run it off’ I always tried to stay positive and think ‘One day everything will be o.k’ I basically changed my attitude and just allowed myself to feel down and not add more self pity or question my whole life in a negative way.

    Paul i know in the future anxiety could come back but once we deal with it can we really be back to normal or always feel some kind of symptoms???

    Great people + great blog


    Sam I will let you know right now, the person who has been through anxiety has far less chance of suffering again than someone who has never been through it. In my case I understand what got me to that stage in the first place and have a very carefree attitude to life now, I love every minute and don’t worry or let myself get down about things. Also have a very good understanding of the subject and have no fear of it and its symptoms. I used to still have the very bad day after my recovery and used to smile at the symtoms, I could not believe I let them dominate my day like they did, they were just a little nuisence. Anxiety is not an illness that can come back because it feels like it, anxiety does not just pick on certain people, there is always a reason. Its your body being overworked and saying enough is enough. I am sure everyone on here can trace it back to a stressful time in their life.


  25. Candie Says:

    Haha Paul, seriously i dont know which part of Bridlington you went to as the heart of it (where i go) is great! It has a fun park, beach.. about 15 arcades, museums, tons of shops, a great night life, boat trips, scuba diving… a theatre and leisure complex! It is basically a mini version of blackpool! Ok, i feel i have defended my Yorkshire turf really well there now and will shut up!

    I am sooooooooooo looking forward to christmas, i have done tons of shopping and love it! Every year i am like a big kid- i bake, have an advent calender… watch every christmas film going, drink tons of hot chocolate with cream and marsh mallows and can barely sleep on christmas eve! *Sings- Silent Nighhhhhhht

    Ok, I really should get to bed now!

  26. Scarlet Says:

    Lorry, my mum never saw my kids either. I spent time in hospital (3 months), and they gave me herbal medication as I refused ADs. You can do it hun, I’m 100% sure, you just have to make a few small changes to see big results… Give me a day or two and I’ll get the docs to you. I also have some other stuff.


  27. mike Says:

    paul, dont worry my friend the blues will come good, its the english lads in the rugby world cup i worry about.
    i have been doing quite a lot of running lately so ill keep training and be fit when the race comes around.
    have a good day all!!!

  28. Paul David Says:

    I don’t know what part of Bridlington you found either Candie!

    O.k I wont put the dull, empty, nothing going on place down again I promise…lol

    Also I am a bah humbug, I really don’t like Christmas for many reasons, wow we have a lot in common me and you hey : )

    Mike that’s great mate. I am running with a friend who does them all the time, so be great to have you on board. I will take a camera and have one if us crawling over the finish line. I will pass on some dates later today and see which suits us best. Did 3 miles last night, so I am getting there, really starting to see a difference from a couple of months ago.

  29. lorryt Says:

    hi scarlett

    thanks for being there, i have been feeling quite a bit better recently but this past week has been pants ! i no longer feed the fear as i know what its about , but carry on and sometimes the thoughts and worry just overtake me. it is completely daft i tend to sort out one thing in my mind only to find sommit else when really my life is pretty good. happy family, usual financial worries, but we r well. i guess its all the years of doing things the wrong way and fighting that is gonna take a time to reverse. hope you are well, you seem to have come through things with a positive attitude and outlook. thankz again , means loads to me xx

  30. Candie Says:

    Paul… i can’t believe u dislike christmas so much! It is the best thing ever!!! I really do go overboard for it… the full works! I think im still a big kid at heart ahaha.

    Hey LorryT….. i would just like to mension how well you are doing. I know during a setback things seem back to square one, but its just not true. You have come so far, your attitude has totally changed towards your anxiety- so just let this ‘blip’ work itself out and get on with things. Its coming through the testing times that helps you to lose fear of symptoms…. so really setbacks cant be avoided as in a bizzare way learning from them is what helps us recover. If i hadnt of come through all mine then i could never say ‘whatever’ to all the what ifs… somewhere in the back of my mind i would still hold lots of irrational fears. This is why moving towards fears and accepting the symptoms is the only way to reach full recovery.

  31. lorryt Says:

    would be more than happy to help raise some cash for the sponsored event ! always good to see these men running, and pushing themselves for charity.i couldnt do it, end up with two black eyes!!!!

    seriously good luck guys.

    never been to bridlington, go to chesterfield quite a bit and dont think much of that ! sheffield wasnt much cop a southerner born and bred from the new forest me !!!

  32. Paul David Says:

    Lorry Quote: never been to bridlington

    Lorry don’t : )

    Candie I hate Christmas, I really do. Starts far too early, people get into debt spending loads of money they can’t afford. 2 months of that horrible Slade record and other Christmas tunes on the radio. The meaning seems to have gone out of it, partners daughters always asks for her Christmas money early, like its owed to her. Having to laugh and joke with aunties and uncles i have not seen since last year. Loads more reasons but I am sure some people love it so I will shup up now, got it of my chest…lol

  33. Scarlet Says:

    Lorry just want to say I’ll email you soon, have relatives with me at the mo (till weekend). I have some things that I’m sure will help you a wee bit hun, gotta hunt for them on me CDs 😉 xxx

    Paul I love Bridlington, what’s wrong with it… Did you ever go musselling on the beach or eat the fish n chips. I can smell the Brid air right now, one of my fave seaside places when I was a child…many a caravan trip there with my parents. Mind you haven’t been there for donkeys years now. Ooo and I do like Xmas as well, they have started putting up all the decorations here, I love it. As for Slade one of my fave all time songs ha ha ;-)… And here it is Merry Xmas, must get my Xmas compilation out soon. LOL


  34. Candie Says:

    Paul i do agree christmas has become way too comercial… luckily i have never baught into that and i like it for the excitement and family time! I never get into debt and only spend what iv got, and luckily i dont have to mingle with distant relatives- god that would do my head in!

    One christmas song i hate is ”lonely this chrismas-by mud” dunno why i jus think it is sad and reminds me of all the lonely old people!

    Hope everyone had a good bonfire night, we had some nice food… fireworks and sparklers! The kids wasnt interested so i enjoyed them been the big kid i am lol

  35. ClaireC Says:

    Hi all
    I havent posted for some time but am here regularly reading the blog! I am 27 and recently got married to my partner of 10 years, then we have just moved out to Dubai in the UAE, Might see you around some time Scarlet!!

    Loving Dubai loads its a fantastic place to be, and the weather is not bad either! Im originally from Essex some im a Southern girl as well Lorry! I think we need to stick together as there seems to be a lot of the Northerners on here! lol! Only joking, i love the north! especially the Lake district and we got married at Gretna Green!

    Doing well with my anxiety and over the past 3-4 months have been 1000 times better, whenever i feel down, anxious or have any symptoms i just get on with it I have spent so may years running away and hiding and that clearly didnt work! This website and Pauls book have been a god send to me, it has turned my life around. I guess i have really suffered with anxiety and depression for a good 10 years on and off so to have a positive outlook on life is amazing, i know there will be bad days but the good days are outweighing those at the moment.

    Take care all and good luck with the run all – Definatley want to sponsor you so please let us know the details – do you take the UAE Dirham??ha ha
    Claire xx

  36. brian Says:

    Hey guys, so this is completely back on the topic of anxiety, but i have some questions about how i feel that i could just not hold back. Its fine if yall don’t know how to answer these.
    First of all in Paul’s book the chapter “born to worry” completely sums me up. since i have been a kid i have always overachieved, always worried about my grades, popularity in school, just stressed about everything because i thought i had to. well when i got to high school anxiety hit me hard, started feeling different, lost friends, grades got worse, lost enjoyment of all things etc (yall all know the path). Well I found this website in college and it has been amazing but still have a lot of problems.
    I am in my second year of college now and just feel so much anxiety over my grades, my future, and just the experience of living away from home. I guess I had a realization earlier today that all the stress of grades is just not worth it – my well being and happiness is all that really matters not whether i make the grades or have success in life.
    So I guess my first question is can anyone relate to this and my second is when there is advice on here like “you should go toward your anxious feelings” does that include the anxious feelings of studying? i should take breaks when i start to feel bad studying and not go towards them right? anyways thanks guys

  37. Paul David Says:

    Hi Claire, Really good to have you post, anyone else who is thinking of posting for the first time, but is not sure if to or not, please do, you will welcomed by everyone, there are no clicks on here or anything and I am sure reading through you will see how helpful and supportive people are. So if you are thinking of posting for the first time then please do.

    Firstlly Claire well done on the realisation that running away and hiding does not work, once I had that realisation all those years ago my life got so much easier, don’t ever let anxiety bluff you into hiding away, the way to come through is always to go towards it and just live your life. And I am so please that this site/book has had a big effect on you and that you feel so much better. The point about good and bad days is also true. I get many emails saying ‘Paul I was doing so well and the last week I have felt awful’ My reply is always the same ‘So what, its fine it will pass’ I went from feeling awful 24/7 , 7 days a week to having good and bad days, at one time I had NO good days so that showed me that things were begining to get so much better and I had to love the good days and not get down about the bad.

    On the run me and Michael are doing, I narrowed it down to 2 runs and will put a sponser page up nearer the time for anyone who wishes to sponser me and there will be a running total on this page of where we are at, really looking forward to it and will put some pictures up once/if we complete it. Loving the training also, really seeing a massive difference to my fitness and losing a few pounds and feeling great, those first few weeks were the hardest, but I am really starting to enjoy it now.

  38. Stephen Says:

    Hey brain,

    Yer i am very much like you as im in university and the stress can get very full on at times. Its funny on the holidays i improve so much but once i get back to uni and begin a new term i feel pretty anxious and bad again. I remember in August thinking i have 15 different assignments to get done this term, 4 exams how will i cope and manage this ect ect. I convinced my self i would never get it done and felt awful and had some pretty bad anxiety periods however yesterday was my last exam for the year and i did it. I finished what i told myself i could not do and it was nowhere near as bad as i made it in my head. Dont look at everything you have to do, just focus on whats due next and complete one after another.

    Anxiety over study and uni is extremely normal though Brian, the councilor at my uni told me that it is far more common then what anyone thinks as we dont walk around with an” im anxious” sign on our forehead. You will have both the grades you want and a sucessful life but dont over do the study and take plenty of breaks – green tea is really good.. takes abit to get use to but sipping a hot drink is very relaxing plus the claming nature of green tea. If i study for an hour, i’ll stop for 15 mins and watch some you tube movies or something, or come on here and see how everyone is going you know. Break it up, take it easy and let the anxiety be there with the study and just dont react to it, or pay it any attention.

    Hope that helps Brian,


  39. Paul David Says:

    Brian you would not believe how many people I have met who have developed D.P or anxiety through trying to live up to having perfect grades and going down the route of so much worry. I can only tell people that worrying is the most useless emotion we have and never solves anything or makes us feel better, what I cannot do is stop worrying for them, only they can do that. All the worrying since childhood has become your habit and you feeling bad and anxious is your body reacting to all this worry, it is telling you that you are over working it, constant worrying has such a negative long term effect on us. This is why a very high percentage of businessmen or women develop anxiety, they have so much daily stress that their bodys cannot cope. Anxiety and D.P develop through weeks and months of you putting the stress and worry on yourself. Your body just cannot take it, its like trying to run a machine that has run out of oil, it will just pack up, or running a household applience way beyond its capabilitys, your body is the same, it needs to be looked after, without worry and stress then anxiety will not devlop in the first place.

    I am about as laid back as anyone now as I fully understand the need not to worry and stress about things I have no control over. You certainly wont get better grades through worrying about them. I read a great article as I said above named ‘Stop worrying and start living’ and in it he said ‘Anything negative that happened in the past has gone’ and ‘Don’t worry about the future’ Its all about living in the moment and this is so very true. How can I expect to enjoy today and what I am doing if I am worrying about the argument I had with a friend yesterday or worrying about my exams next week, it takes so much out of the present and you feel awful. I honestly can say I worry about nothing, I just live for today and boy is my life so much easier. A few years back I must have gone over 100 things a day, it was so emotionally draining and I just felt terrible all day. Just look at young kids playing in a garden, how happy and in the moment they are, kids who have not a care in the world and are just living in that moment.

    Brian I do hope you make some changes, you will feel so much better for it.

  40. Stephen Says:

    Just to add Brian, i also worried as a kid about everything! my health, my social status, the way people percieved me, how i looked. It stems way back for me too but i thought this was normal back then! Still had a awesome childhood and wouldnt alter a thing! We will all come through this.


  41. Paul David Says:

    I think I am losing the Bridlington argument here Scarlet/Candie but I did find this as part of a review from someone who went there recently, well I need some back up : )

    In common with many British seaside resorts Bridlington had started to become a little shabby in parts and garish in others . Major development was underway when we visited last year . However some of the developments recently have just introduced noisy , dirty and loud fairground rides to a section of the promenade . Other building developments on the promenade have left it looking the same as everywhere else which has undergone changes . Unfortunately it has become a little characterless and spoiled.

    In all seriousness that’s how I found it, but I do think all British seaside resorts have gone like this, its much easier and cheaper to go abroad so they don’t pump in as much money as they used to.

    Anyway a few people on here know a lot about me, for all those who don’t here is a few things about me.

    I am 38 and live with my partner of 9 years, I think its 9 years anyway, she will kill me if I get that wrong. My hobbies are building websites, which I tend to also do for friends and family and the odd local business. I love the outdoors and go out on one of my two bikes quite a lot, although the winter makes it harder and that’s when I usually start the five a side football. I love socalising with friends and have a quiz night and pool night through the week and a meal with my partner every Saturday night.

    A few faves are

    Fave music: Dance/Funk, R.E.M, Dina Carrol, Elton John

    Dislike: Heavy rock

    Fave Food: Steak chips and peas, Fish, chips and gravy, Cavery

    Dislike: Celery, Beetroot

    Fave sport: Rugby League

    Dislike: Cricket and Rugby Union

    Fave T.V: Comedys or factual programs….Only fools and horses, Black Adder, Young Ones

    Dislike: Soaps

    O.k that’s more about me.


  42. Candie Says:

    Hahahaha Paul have you been googling for a bit of support!?! shocking lol.. shame on you! You just wait till December, i am going to bombard you with christmasness!

    ………/\ ……….
    ……../\*\ ………
    ……/*\O\/\ ……..
    …./\o\/\*/\/\ …..

  43. James Says:

    Paul, took ur advice on board today, went for a long run down by the Lancaster Canal, lovely fresh air, exercise and came back feeling good, relaxed and a bit empty, but as you say, that is because the anxiety has been burnt up. I can see how regular runs can revitalise you tho, and i should sleep well tonight.

    Cheers Paul

  44. scott Says:

    Hey Paul-

    Reently came on here and purchased your book awhile ago…I have made so many improvements (panic attacks, sleep issues, ..were two very big ones that I am proud to say are no longer issues for me) but what I am struggling with still is a seemingly hypervigilant focus on myself and what I am thinking and monitoring my thoughts that I always seem to be “in my head” and it makes me feel like I have a stuck brain…I definitely struggle in certain areas more than others and question why I can be ok here and not there and down the worrisome rabbit trail I go….I have a feeling you are going to say “accept away my friend” that you are still afraid of what is causing this and that is making you hypervigilant…correct? Thanks in advance.


  45. Paul David Says:

    Firstly Candie Christmas talk is banned on this blog and another thing, your tree is very wonkey, just need a natural tree, not one of these artificial icon

    James, It does burn up a lot of excess adrenalin and the reason you feel a lot more relaxed and able to think clearer, it really shakes the cobwebs off and the new scenery and fresh air makes you feel revitalised. The hardest part is putting those trainers on and going out. I am going out in a bit and actually enjoy it now. Run for yourself and the benefits of it, don’t get too hung up on the anxiety side of it. I made that mistake a few years ago thinking ‘When I get back I will feel great, anxiety free’ putting pressure on myself to do so and being dissapointed if I did’nt, again trying to rid myself of anxiety, even thinking about it while I ran. I then just ran for me and the benefits of it, what a difference it made to my overall well being and I have kept it up on and off for the last few years. I really hope you are able to keep up with the running James, only 3/4 months before the 10k, you are welcome to join us : )

  46. lorryt Says:

    hi all

    was reading a small bok that my daughter bought from school about cats, found a very apt quote in there

    A cat does not specualte about its future
    It does not analyse its past
    It has no ambitions or regrets
    It accepts the moment and makes the best of it.

    I have come to a conclusion. i want to be a cat!.
    i am trying not to analyze,as i feel i am slipping down that route again, but when my mind goes into that mode i think , let the thoughts go. Only now is what counts, live in the moment. I have recently started going swimming once a week, and i feel great after doing that , and sleep very well. so tomorrow i may go for a long walk and try and get these stress levels down. Might include a bit of christmas shopping in there somewhere too!.
    I am beginning to understand the pattern that my body has when i struggle , not that i stress about it, but i now knwo whats going on and u can accept and say well body is having a bad day, it will catch up. not so easy to do when m y brain has a bad day though, always seems to linger and take longer to accept.
    i am finally starting to get into enjoying xmas for so long just wishing it away fro many years. just watch the kids having fun opening their pressies
    and laughing is a great feeling.

    have a good one and get those credit cards ready for a hammering !!!!!xx
    have a good day allxx

  47. Paul David Says:

    O.k Scott, This is something I went through and many others on here. The hyperwarness of oneself and yes it can be frustrating. My advice and how I came through it was, yes, to allow the attention to be on myself, I spent so many years watching and worrying how I felt that my attention was bound to be on me, its just a habit we have formed. The main thing is don’t question different aspects, why this is o.k and why you struggle with that, put it all under the same umbrella and frustrating or not just get on with your day, let your thoughts come and go, let your mind chatter if it wishes, its just doing it through habit and will subside in time. Just don’t make an issue out of it, question it, obsess about it, try to work it all out, thinking deeply about it each day, remember the aim is to get the focus off you and let other things into your day and not just the way you are feeling. I don’t have this hyperawareness anymore because other things take my attention now, at one time all I cared about was me and how I was feeling, is it any wonder I seemed locked in my own mind, I never allowed anything else in, I was just consumed with me….The worse we feel, the more we question, so we feel more locked in ourselfs and question more, feel more disconnected, question even more, its a vicous cycle, but is reversible when we do the opposite. Don’t lock into every thought or feeling and feel the need to investigate it.

    I had doubts and questioned things, but kept the faith, woke up every morning and just stopped questioning everything and just got on with my day. It just takes a belief and a little time, don’t try and rush things.

    Hope that helps


  48. Paul David Says:

    I have come to a conclusion. i want to be a cat!.

    Lorry I will now address you as tiddles.

    Great quotes though and very true.

  49. lorryt Says:


    my cats have a life of riley, eat, sleep, and play , have their own 4 seater couch !! do what they want when they want,

    tiddles eh !! could be worse i guess;)

    we will all acheive it, xxxxxxxxx

  50. Candie Says:

    😮 Do you now how long it took me to get the alignment right on that tree! I had to edit it about five times and use full stops because it kept aligning to the left side of the post. I am very proud of it 😀

  51. brian Says:

    Hey Stephen, Paul, guys, thanks for responding. Had trouble finding my post amidst all these other ones lol. Stephen I can completely relate to feeling better during holidays and summer. I found this web site at the beginning of last summer and made SO much progress throughout the summer it was incredible. In fact I thought i was close to recovery until this school year started up, and then the anxiety came storming back. My main symptoms have been trouble breathing and just tension and soreness in all my muscles. I think I had a great realization yesterday though, just realized that all this stress and pressure wasn’t worth it, my well being is all that matters. If my grades suffer a little so be it, I just want to feel good.

  52. Sam Says:

    Hey Paul and everybody,

    I am good for 4 days straight and then on the fifth day i start to get tingling feeling on my face and hands..does anyone get that….Paul we must accept our feelings and symptoms and move forward each day…but i think we take the good days for granted because when we get a bad day it seem like forever….Paul part of recovery is having bad and good days right??/


  53. Paul David Says:

    Yes Sam, Its a very up and down affair, but better up and down, than down all the time like many people feel, this shows progress, as I said above I went from having NO good days to learning and improving so much I had good and bad days, well that was progress. My good days just started outweighing the bad, recovery is a very up and down thing. We have been through so much, surely we cannot expect to come through plain sailing, within a short period of time. I actually got used to the bad days as it was another chance to say ‘See how my attitude has changed towards my symptoms’ The same symptoms that used to dominate my life. I have always said its not about how you feel, its all about your attitude to it. So good or bad, just keep living your life, to feel normal feelings again we need to live as normal life as possible however we feel and don’t feel the need to investigate or work every symptom out, this is where anxiety reinvents itself, it feeds off all the worry and bewilderment.

  54. Candie Says:

    I totally agree with what Paul is saying. For me recovery was not happening at first as i still searched for answers and explanations for every symptom. The thing is its fine to want to know if something is anxiety, just dont go down the route of trying to explain it further as it really does no good. In the end i somehow managed to shake of all the investigating and googling and now i can say that yes i have anxiety… but i wouldnt say i ‘suffer’ from anxiety. I am at the stage now where i am still experiencing symptoms but i am starting to see that they are subsiding and due to not tensing against them i dont suffer. The majority of the time i am ok living with my anxiety, i dont see it as something i have to overcome- more something that will fade with patience and time.

    I supose i am saying this as i want everyone to know that this new attitude didnt come to me over night…. infact i would say it took me a while to grasp things… probably longer then most due to my search for answers. My point is i got there in the end, and everyone i met through this blog who joined around the time i did have got to grips with acceptance too. So dont spend ages thinking it is something you must find out how to do, as its not- it is more not doing… seeing the benefits and then slowly your attention is diverted elsewhere. Anxiety no longer dominates your day, it may still be part of it for a while… but i can honestly say i dont strive for full recovery and want it instantly… i am happy to wait and let things progress.

  55. Jules Says:

    Hey, I love that clip of the lion, it’s so beautiful. They were so lucky to know such a beautiful big animal so closely.
    Good luck with the training for the run. I used to love running and even managed to do a 5k run a few years ago! This delightfully shattered my memories of coming second to last in the cross country run at school because I had stopped to smoke fags with my friends in the woods! shameful. My lower back now does not like running and I have taken to cycling. Maybe that could be the next challenge?? I would def be up for that and raisng some money for anxiety cares.

  56. Carol R Says:


    I too do not like christmas and sometimes feel there must be something wrong with me for not liking it. I wonder what it is all about and have done so pre anxiety. Must be getting old and boring! On the subject of bridlington, it is great. I live in Hull which is pretty close and my family and I often go there for the day. The beach is big, with plenty of room for everyone and my son who is now 17 still likes taking his 8 year old cousin in the small “put put” boats on the front. We like the south side better, but we also like a walk from sewerby into brid on a nice day. The road train is welcome for a ride back if you are tired. We still go on the speedboat, everytime we go. So I am with you on the Bridlington one Candie, but with Paul on the christmas one. x

  57. Candie Says:

    Hi Carol R…. what a small word!- i live in Hull too lol. Which part are you from if you dont mind me asking… i live East Hull.

  58. Paul David Says:

    Jules I am thinking about a bike one next, I love cycling but do mainly mountain biking off road. I have only really got into it over the summer so would need to put a few more hours in after the winter, but yes this would be good also. I have now sorted a race out for the 10k it is the ‘Wakefield Hospice City 10k Road Race’ on Sunday the 5th of April. I would have liked to have done one sooner but this was really all that was available arounf Feb – April. Anyway I will post more details when I have registered and if people would like to sponser me I will put a page up, again no pressure to do so.

    Just a quick note on Candies post, this is exactly what happens, other things begin to take your interest and your attention diverts to other things.

  59. scott Says:

    Thanks Paul for the response.

    I think I have forgotten about how much panic and sleep issues bothered me and I got through those areas by understanding and acceptance. The last piece for me is this monitoring myself and my thoughts, always listening in to see how I am doing, I have lost trust in myself and have not let go totally the notion that this is something more sinister than just “hypervigilant worry” built around fear that this is a physical problem. I know the thoughts I get are silly and tons have come and gone, it is never the content of the thoughts that get me, they are silly to be honest but the investigating, obsessing and worryign of what is causing them is like me kicking a beehive, it “stirs” up all the junk and then I feel awful and cannot get in the present moment.

  60. Jules Says:

    I’ve done a bit of cycling off road and its good fun. I guess it would need to be looked into, what kind of races or events are around, road or off road after the running race.
    I thought I would share one of my fave Monty Python clips..this might be right p your street as a Yorkshire man Paul?? 😉

  61. Carol R Says:

    Hi Candie

    I live in Kirk Ella, West of Hull. What a coincidence!

  62. lorryt Says:

    know the feeling, physical stuff not too bothered about now just the mental side of things, get so caught up in it cant seem to accept. how are things going for you?
    cheers lorryt

  63. selma Says:

    i’m having a major setback today….
    i’ve been doing better overall but today all of a sudden i just got this terribly rush and scary thought that i will NEVER break free of this. that my mind will always be consumed and battling with this anxiety. it was like a really, really scary trapped feeling and i just felt AWFUL. can someone please tell me they’ve been through this? i mean, it wasn’t just the thought, it was the scary
    feeling too.

  64. Jules Says:

    It’s hell and horrible and yes I have felt like that. It is another trick of the anxiety, adrenaline fueled body and mind making you feel awful. It is part of the anxiety and passes. It helped me to allow it to be there, allow the thought and feeling the space it needs and adopt the whatever/bring it on attitude. As soon as you fear it, freak out, analyse or give it attention it continues the cycle. Recovery will come in time, when you are ready so keep the faith!
    Take care x

  65. selma Says:

    oh, gosh- thanks, jules! it just seems SO hard that it’s almost IMPOSSIBLE to try to not let it bring me fear. i mean, it is the most crushing, horrible, awful feeling that washes over me!!!!!!! i’ll keep trying. i just need the encouragement sometimes that anxiety/panic really does feel this BAD!

  66. Carol R Says:

    Hi Selma

    I know what you mean. It is a horrible feeling but try not to let it freak you out. I know it is hard. I still get the feeling sometimes and no one knows what it is like unless they have been through it. Be strong. Help is always here on this blog for you. x

  67. scott Says:

    Hey Lorryt

    I know everyone is different with their struggle but for me, I was always able to equate the physical “stuff” with just being stressed whether it was pins and needles, heart palps, shortness of breath etc….and yes, I had some doozy panic attacks but as Paul says “that bring it on attitiude” really helped and I lost my fear of the physical “stuff,” I guess thinking they are just symptoms of stress made me feel like everyone else, I mean who does not get stressed right?? the hypervigilance towards those symptoms left and the cycle dissipated (not right away) but it went away and I was confident that it would….the “thought” based stuff knocks me on my butt way too easily, for some reason I cannot view “thought” based “what if’s” the same as physical anxiety symptoms and I always seem to be investigating, analyzing and worrying what is causing this and will it ever go away. The worst part for me is trying to “get out of my head” feeling and get into the present moment where everyone else seems to be, when it does happen, I treasure them and don’t want them to end- fear of going backwards and what we fear we remember. Just want to let it go but struggle with how….hope you are well.



  68. Sam Says:

    Hi, I read your book this year and it has helped me no end. Thanks Paul!!
    Read Claire Weekes book a couple of years ago but I didn’t get the ‘Floating’ concept, your book is soo much easier to understand. I have suffered for about 15 years in varying degrees, and this is the best i,ve been. Its so frustrating that if my doctors explained the condition properly I wouldn’t have wasted so many years of my life. At one point I was scared to go out and scared to be indoors, I couldn,t drive or even go to the end of my road. I had no relief at all. I now have a full time job and drive 24 miles there and back. I can go shopping on my own and enjoy watching my 15 yr old son play rugby on Sundays. I can take my kids to school and to the dentists etc without my partner having to come everywhere with me.
    I have found a diary helps, just a short note on every day, on which I put a smiley face, or a sad face, its amazing, you think every day is bad but I soon noticed there are more smiley faces than sad.
    How ever I have recently had a whisltling noise in my ears, it started when I had a cold, Dr gave my antibiotics and it got better but I can now constantly hear a faint whislting especially when I’m in bed. Paul lists it as a symptom. Does anyone else get it???? I am trying to not let it panic me but Dr reckons its tinittus and there is No cure. I don’t think it is cos I don’t notice it when I’m distracted. I just think it is another symptom (at least i hope it is) but its really hard not to focus on it. Does anyone have any advice.


    Sam A

  69. James Says:

    Scott, seriously, try not to worry. I can relate to you but i also have my best days when not consumed by the anxiety cycle. The best thing to try and do, which is tough because i myslef always get dragged back in, is to try and fill your day with activity and preferably that which stimulates your mind in a positive way. I can think back to a particular day 3 months ago when i felt really good and i wonder why i have had days as recently as this week when i have felt awful. I am starting to thnk now that i am keeping myself in the cycle. This may sound strange but to me it sometimes feels like i am afraid to branch out and leave my anxiety behind.

  70. lorryt Says:

    hi there

    i get scared when indoors alone with my thoughts , i work 2 days a week, and have 3 days to myself , i go swimming, round friends houses , out with my dad, go round the school and do reading with the kids.but no matter what i do my thoughts just catch up with not running away from them as they are usual ones that i have dealt with, its mor elike constant worry. i can do no more to keep myself occupied. it feels like sometimes i need to keep on the move, i am not running on adrenlin but have to keep on the go.come evening time i feel great, but throughout the day it washes over me like the sea on the shore, maybe not so intense now as it once was but im not afraid of it, just an getting fed up of it,and am wondering if it will ever go.its getting me down a bit, and im also concernd if i will ever get ogg these anti deps.i am down to half of one tablet and have doen it quite slowly.

    need more advice if anyone can show me where i seem to be hitting a brickwall.

    have a good day allxxx

  71. James Says:

    lorryt i feel for you as i know what you are going through. I have GAD and it sounds to me like that is what you have also and the constant analysing day in day out is so hard to cope with. I am realising there is no other advice out there than what you already have. As i mentioned above, i think that i am keeping myself in the anxiety cycle, slave to my thoughts en all. Why not see if you can keep away from anxiety info, Carol R challenged me to it last week and i had a really good few days. Even keep away from the blog if you can. I am no expert but i did benefit from that and ultimately no post or topic on here will rid you of your anxiety, its down to you.
    Chin up, keep batting.

  72. lorryt Says:

    i will try for a week or so , as it worked for me before, butwhen i have a bad day i need support and i guess i need to support myself instead of llooking for it elsewhere. i wll leave it for a week or so, i will try and not read/ or involve myself in the anxiety in any way. move way from it .
    cheers james i ithnk it has become our way of life for so long and so habitual that it becomes second nature. so i guess the only wa y forward is to move away and change the habit, i am getting there as last year i was a complete wreck, , leting time pass is the key

    have a good weekend james thanks again xxx

  73. selma Says:

    does anyone feel their anxiety/depression is worse in the winter? like it might be SAD-related? now that’s it’s november i feel it all creeping back in!

  74. Carol R Says:

    Hi James

    Did you keep off the internet sites for the last few days?

  75. Candie Says:

    Hi Sam A

    Yes this is Tinnitus… i get it when highly anxious etc… it is nothing to worry about and subsides with time. Just because there is no cure doesnt mean it wont cure itself, a bit like anxiety if you leave it alone. People also get tinitus from listening to too much loud music aswell. Most describe it as a ringing soun in eares, but iv had whistling, ringing, wooshing noises!

  76. Sam a Says:

    Thanks for answering, Candie. Its so frustrating, havn’t even really heard it today but been anxious about it trying to ‘listen in’ . it’s funny you know what your doing wrong but you can’t seem to help yourself, until it passes. I,ll just have to wait I guess and try to not get too carried away. Thanks again.

  77. Paul David Says:

    Sam just to say I had this also, whatever you do don’t try to ‘listen in’ or become anxious about it. I put it down to an off shoot of my anxiety as when I began to feel better it went completely, it did not last long, so don’t worry or focus in on it.


  78. Sam a Says:

    Thanks Paul, I really apprieciate your reply. After reading your book I have done really well, believing that everything will pass, and it always does, but the Doctor really did scare me, she said she didn’t know what to do for me, which obviously didn’t help, and made me feel that this was it. I was gonna hear this whistling forever. Having this condition, you really need to believe that there is light at the end of the tunnel, and its good to hear you and Candie have both come through the other side. It gives me some hope.

    Thanks again

    Sam A

  79. Paul David Says:

    Sam you only have to google this symptom, it is very common with anxiety sufferers. I don’t know what balony your D.R is talking about. I have known so many people have this symptom, only for it to go. Also here is a medical piece taken about tinnitus

    Tinnitus usually decreases or goes away with time and will persist in a small amount of cases.

    As anxiety has brought on a mild form of it, trust me it will pass, just don’t give it your time.

  80. Candie Says:

    Hi Sam,

    I wouldnt worry about what your Doctor says… mine didnt know what to do for me either. I supose a lot of doctors answer to everything is medication and when there isnt a medicated cure they think it cant be cured. But a lot of illnesses can heal themself, i wouldnt worry about it as tuning in and obsessing is what keeps your attention on yourself. In the end i didnt care if i herd wooshing noises or ringing- i stopped focussing on it and it went away.

    It is welcoming the symptoms that came with my anxiety that helped me lose fear of them, then the anxiety slowly subsides.

    I was having a think yesterday how far iv come- there was times i thought i was trapped with anxiety forever… but thinking about it all the fighting to control is what trapped me not the actual symptoms. If i had of left the stress induced symptoms alone then i would of never ended up in the state i did! But i perervered and now im seeing results, i dont ever worry if i will recover now- its like its inbuilt that i just know i will. Stick at it everyone, things do get better :)

  81. Paul David Says:

    but thinking about it all the fighting to control is what trapped me not the actual symptoms.

    Candie that is a very true statement and one that certainly sent me deeper into the condition.

  82. Stephen Says:

    Hey everyone,

    Just wanting to know is it normal to feel like just weird or strange? like sometimes out of the blue i get this feeling and its like not quite a depressed mood, nor is it quite an anxious mood but like a weird feeling where u just feel over it, agitated and had enough. like its really hard to explain but it freaks me out abit. Does everyone get these strange feelings and question them?

    During my day i can usually get on with what i have to do but my anxiety is still there in the background and im still half thinking about it and feeling kinda awful, but not fully. so confusing!. Im getting better with the scary thoughts though, however i have had this random one laterly that i will eventually fear people all together or think that people will hurt me – have been in a situation where i was approched before. But i turely dont fear people or think someone is randomly going to hurt me but the thought that i will eventually fear this freaks me out. funny how one thought/feeling can dramatically alter the way you feel.

    Have a good week everyone


  83. James Says:

    Carol R, i was not as successful this week but nevertheless i have been continuing on my journey. It was my stag do yesterday so could not back out of that and its scenarios like that which need to be faced in order to make progress. After a 16 hour day i am feeling a little worse for wear but such is life.

    Lorryt, likewise i understand your point about a bad day because i too have done it and gone on the net looking for a quick fix. The irony is that i am much more capable of doing things than i was 3 months ago and that i am actually making progress gradually. Its not always easy but at the end of the day i am starting to realise that i should not let inappropriate feelings of fear rule my life because from what i now know about anxiety, this is all they are. When i started up i spent along time thinking whether my generalised anxiety was caused by stress or a panic attack. Ultimately, it is now anxiety itself that is keeping me feeling anxious. Okay, i still have lots of stress but as Paul’s book says, when my stressors are reduced i may still suffer with anxiety brought on by the internalisation and self monitoring of my anxious symptoms. I was even referred to a mental health team and they said i need to work on how i deal with irrational thoughts. I want to return to how i was 6 months back but in reality, if it happened overnight, would we actually have learnt anything? i dont know, what i do know is i dont want to feel this way forever but if Paul, and the many others on here have reurned to their pre anxiety days, then why cant I.

  84. Dean Says:

    hi guys

    how you all doing,i think im starting to get better just a little each day at a time,but sometimes its hard as you all starting to pick up some weight which im really happy about,but still not over the food and allergy thing just yet,but getting better at it each day.just wanted to share a liittle and let it out.thanks for listening.have a great evening and day.


  85. Dean Says:

    p.s sorry what causes like the dizzy spells from anxiety,is it because there is tention around the neck and head and that sets it off or does the inner ear get unbalanced?

  86. Carol R Says:

    Hi Candie,

    Totally off the subject of anxiety. Do you support Hull City?. We are not avid supporters but do go to the odd match. Unfortunately, they always seem to lose when we go, like yesterday. Think we should stop going! Hope you are well. x

  87. Candie Says:

    Hi Carol R

    I have watched the odd game on TV, i do like to know how they are getting on but iv never been to any games- im quite proud to say how well they have done though!! Will you be going to see the christmas lights get switched on?… the council must of splashed out this year as that guy who won XFactor last year is turning them on lol. Lets hope the lights are better this year then some of the previous years! Hope your having a good weekend and feeling well x

  88. Scarlet Says:

    lol I’m from Hull… so many Hullians

    Stephen just wanted to say I know what you mean, I remember having a weird feeling just like you described in my last few months of suffering… like a ‘non-describable’ feeling, not numb, not depressed, not really anxious, just not appropriate

    (“When i started up i spent along time thinking whether my generalised anxiety was caused by stress or a panic attack. Ultimately, it is now anxiety itself that is keeping me feeling anxious”)
    How true this is James, I bet everyone can relate to this. You will return to your ‘normal’ state again, I never thought I would either. For me it took around 18 months to get back to ‘normal’, and looking back, I don’t think I could have done it any sooner really. But by 1 year I was a hell of a lot better and able to put into practice much of what I’d read.

    Lorry back to you soon hun


  89. James Says:

    Thanks Scarlet, this is encouraging to know. Stephen, i can relate to you. When my anxiety began i had lots of physical symptoms and now the majority of these have passed. I was then dealing with the scary thoughts and just as i started to feel better i was overcome by a feeling of emptiness which along with a more mild anxiety is generally the stage i am currently at. I also do most daily activities now, irrespective of how i feel and despite not feeling myself at least i have some kind of a life to live.

  90. Scarlet Says:

    “but i can honestly say i dont strive for full recovery and want it instantly… i am happy to wait and let things progress.”

    Candie you are almost recovered when you think like this.

    James, GAD or not, I’m convinced you can beat this thing. You sound a lot like I was. Go along with the numbness and emptiness, it’s a normal progression of this illness… there’ll be days when your appropriate feelings will return and some days when you struggle. It doesn’t matter if you had a really good day a few weeks ago and haven’t had one as good since, it goes like that. Some weeks can be terrible, but mark my words you will pick yourself up, and soon like Candie, you will be able to say, hey I don’t mind how long it takes to recover I am happy to wait… this is nearing the end.

    I never thought it would come to me either, and everyone thinks this way, what if???…I am the only one who doesn’t recover…Nope you will, and do you know why, because you have all the information on here to be able to do that. You just need to put it into practice as often as you can to get off the ‘hamster wheel’ of anxiety, i.e get on with ‘normal’ everyday living even when you don’t feel like it, go out, go to work, down the pub, cycling, whatever you fancy doing….don’t be put off by innapropriate feelings or thoughts… do it anyway. I made the mistake for the first year, of sitting and waiting to get well before I actually ‘lived’ thinking this was the way to do it, took me best part of a year to find out this was totally wrong. My anxiety levels shot up during this time as well, ended up ruminating all day and was almost housebound with a baby. Glad I found this site and others which helped me an awful lot, and I educated myself so much about anxiety that today I fear hardly anything…apart from bungee jumping 😉 You will be the same.

  91. LORRYT Says:


    thanks for the info scarlett, i will get to read it,i am trying to stay away from the anxiety side of it . i will get there, and i know oi have come so far, but i guess i am making the mistakes that we all do , only we do it our own way. i am recovering and every time i have a bad day it seems to clear quicker and i balance out quicker. but still always live in a bit of fear of it happening again , silly but i get to the point thinking whats the point of it all???.

    have a great day, its horrendous here in southampton today.xxxx

  92. Candie Says:

    Hi Scarlet- yes i thought the same, although some days i still feel edgy and have odd thoughts etc… it just doesnt have the same impact on me as before so i dont feel the need to worry about recovery. I have noticed now the most important days to me are the ‘anxious ones. Before i used to think when id had a good week i had cracked it and would be fine from then on. But i had a realisation last week during a bit of an anxious day, it was that i am ok with the anxious days too now…. before i would be all ”oh no its back again, i thought i had sorted this”. Now its more like ”yea i feel a bit aggitated at times, but i can get on with things beside how i feel”. I know it sounds mad, but my anxious days are no longer obsticles, but i see them as opportunities.

    It took me ages to grasp things, just when you think you know it all there is always something else to learn… then ya think ”ah, i get this now”. In six months time i can gaurantee i will look back and be so much wiser… recovery is a gradual learning progression.

    One more thing, this info you sent Lorry, Scarlet… would it be possible you could send me it? 😀

    Have a good week everyone….. it is rainy and dull here in Hull!

  93. mike Says:

    hello everybody. just a quick question off anxiety. all the hull people is it hull or hull kr or do you not do rugby league? im a fan and we play hull next sunday and really need to win.
    went to liverpool on saturday night had a great night and didnt feel any anxiety next morning. at my worst, if i had a beer the night before, i would feel terrible next day (not just hang over) but very anxious if i went anywhere the following day.
    have a good week everybody.

  94. Carol R Says:

    Hi Mike

    It has got to be Hull fc for me. Can’t speak for the others from Hull. We also go to see City play now and again at the KC stadium. although we are Liverpool supporters in our house. Glad you had a good night out on Saturday! x

  95. Paul David Says:

    Some very good posts above from Candie/Scarlet as usual. Your right Candie you do learn more and more as you go along. It really is about learning a new subject. I used to think I can learn no more only for me to look back and think ‘Wow even more makes sense now, one realisation does lead to many more and the experience of going through and it coming out the other side is probably the best education anyone can have. The only people I respect on the subject are the people who have been there.

    Have a good week everyone….. it is rainy and dull here in Hull!

    Also bit of the Pam Ayres about you there Candie : )

  96. Candie Says:

    Ok Paul… i know we say it is bad to google- but i have to Google who ‘Pam Ayres’ is! Ok… i got something about comic verse up on google lol.

    Seriously though, it is really dull and dark here

    In response to Mike- Hull Kingston Rovers (Hull KR) and Hull FC are both rugby clubs. Hull City are the football team. I dont particually know much about them… but from what iv been told Hull City arnt doing too bad in the premiership.

  97. Scarlet Says:

    Dare I say I used to be a Leeds supporter, but I was 10 at the time and this boy in my school was mad about them, and he was lovely….I haven’t lived in Hull for 20 odd years now..yikes my age is catching up. I used to live down Chants Ave for those who know Hull. I was born in North Hull and my brother still lives in East Hull.

    Pam Ayres I used to love her when she was on the telly.

    Course I’ll send you the stuff Candie.

    Lovely evening all


  98. Paul David Says:

    Awww bless you Candie, Pam Ayres maybe before your time, showing my age now. She is a poet, but mainly wrote funny poems, as far as I remember she had her own T.V programme and did some adverts on T.V.

    On Hull, I have been to the stadium to watch the rugby. Is there a sealife place or something there? I was going to visit but was told it was poor. Have any of you been or heard what its like, like a good day out, but been most places. The best being eden camp in York, very good, interesting day out.

  99. Candie Says:

    Thanks Scarlet 😀 I was born north Hull too, then i live all over the country for most my childhood life, blackpool, withernsea, easington, hornsea! Finally been settled in east Hull for the past Ten years.

    Yea i did finally find that out in the end Paul lol… im nearly 22 so unfortunately the only thing dated with me is my taste of music (love Elvis with a passion!) Yes i have been to ‘The Deep’- it was a load of crap, i studdied it for three years as part of a course too. Its not a patch on Scarborough or Blackpool sealife centre…i wouldnt waste your money! To be honest Hull isnt much of a tourist attaction- but its ok to live here. Last year we had a new shopping complex built too, thats crap too! I arnt selling Hull very well am i!

    Well to all of you that spoke to Lisa, my blue rinse twin- she will be back on the blog this friday as she hasnt been online since moving house 😀 Welcome back Lisa- bring on the silly msn banter haha

  100. Adam Says:

    Hey guys and girls. I am new here posted earlier in this bit of the blog however was moderated too late to be replied to (but its all good, I appreciate this is a busy place) I just had a few questions that have really been bugging me.
    I have read the book and it is such an amazaing relief to read that people do recover from GAD as I had been told I would have to live with it. Now I have no real problem with horrible thoughts (i havnt for over a month now) I do things regardless of my anxiety. The only problem that remains for me is that when i get a moment to think I almost slip into a state of self awareness. Just pondering over how i feel what im thinking etc. and embarrassingly usually end up having a good chit chat to myself like a mental conversation (not outloud thankfully) Its just an analytical state I slip into. Now I jsut wondered how i should go about dealing with this. Because the feeling of slipping into this state of monitoring everything onstead of just being is what gets me annoyed. Should I just be accepting this as a habit that anxiety has taught meto slip into? Just accept and let time pass? or should i conciously stop myself doing this?

    Your help is much appreciated.


  101. James Says:

    Yeah Adam, i have GAD too with a touch of OCD i have been told. I must admit there seems to be lots of information out there on recovery from panic attacks, social anxiety, PTSD etc but very little on GAD. That is why this sight is such a relief. I wonder why people do say thats the case?? I have tried a well known anxiety recovery program which has helped me but that too has little information on GAD recovery and is why i use Paul’s blog because he has recovered from GAD and so have many others which is helpful. I find that my biggest problem is analysing how i feel each, looking for info on the internet and not switching off from my thoughts. I am realising that time is the great healer.

  102. Adam Says:

    Yeh it is the same for me. . . just constantly analysing how I feel and what im thinking. I just want to know the best way to handle this. :) But you are correct its nice to know that people do recover from it :)

  103. James Says:

    Thats interesting, did your doctor tell you this? For me my physical symptoms are fewer and farther between now. I have had the GAD, on a daily basis for four months, just over and so badly want to return to how i was. The issue for me is that the conscious self monitoring has become a bad habit which had led to feelings of depression. Everytime i feel okay its like i question why my anxious thought pattern has not kicked in. I also have a lot of stress on which doesn’t help at the minute. I must admit tho that i have noticed myself getting better. Also i have not taken medication for my GAD as i have been led to believe that this too can keep you in the cycle as you become reliant on meds and they in turn are a constant reminder of your GAD. I guess i am holding on to the hope that if others can recover, i will. I just dont know how long i can go on feeling down as it has such an impact on my quality of life.

  104. Adam Says:

    Yeh physical symptons when I do have them dont bother me. And no I was never told directly that I couldnt get better but my doctor was running out of ideas. Just was not sure what to do next :) but If I can get a little bit of guidence with whta I have mentioned in two previous posts above, then I think I will be set on the road to recovery :) I certainly can relate to the stuff you mentioned above about questioning why your anxious thinking had not kicked in etc…


  105. Nicole Says:

    Hi James and Adam,
    I don’t know if you have read any Claire Weekes, but she talks about getting stuck in the groove of self-introspection a fair bit. She teaches that we should approach it like all other symptoms of anxiety – just face it, don’t add fear to it and accept it as part of your normal way of thinking for the time being. It’s not really what your thinking, but the anxiety that you add to it that becomes the problem. I have the same symptoms but I have noticed lately that they are getting fewer and farther apart as I give them less importance. I just keep telling myself that life lies ahead, and I intend to enjoy it with or without the self-analysis. Don’t stress about it, it will fade in time.
    I feel so out of it geographically not living in the UK but in Canada! I can’t keep up with all of these soccer/rugby references! I have roots in Newcastle though and spent some time there last year and hope to see more of England with my family in the future. Take care, Nicole

  106. Stephen Says:

    Hey everyone.

    Having a rough trot laterly and can relate very much to James. The part that frustrates me SO MUCH is that i know where i am going exactly at the point. Its hard to explain but say i wake up and im feeling average not good or not bad but i get on with my day and spose i manage to float through the “light anxiety” which i consider a moderately anxious thought or a mild anxious feeling right which is ok and i usually can float through. However say im watching tv like i was today feeling ok, then on this show on pay tv was talking about depression when i changed to it. As Drepression is my biggest fear and pretty much always has been i only have to hear the word and sink instantly into a deep despair like the shock feeling when someone tells you some really bad news. Then i presume this rush of feelings which is shock i assume is depression and ultimately feel really bad and like i will never recover.

    See i know exactly what my problem is and where i come off the rails caused by may main fear which is depression. I know as paul would say i need to accept when i fear this rush of shock and anxiety when i hear or see my fear ect but its so hard to do. it completely takes over and i begin questioning and feeling weird and im doomed. :( I know i should just say ok thats how i feel this moment and move on but i always think back to it. Its funny though when ever i think back to the last time i experienced this panic i always get an image of the last place i was when i felt it and feel really bad again. When im feeling ok i find myself almost fighting to keep feeling ok so i dont feel bad again which is completely wrong to do again!

    Memory is i find is a massive contributor and i often think back to othertimes i’ve felt bad or things ive done that may have caused my current situation/anxiety and blame myself. Just needed to get that out sorry about the essay guys i really do hope everyone is doing well and making good progress, i know my time will eventually come.

    Take care everyone

  107. samantha Says:

    hi all

    i know i dont post a lot but i always look at this forum i have found the posts a god send as usually when i have a bizzare symptom it is always mentioned on here which helps me feel that i am not going crazy !!!!

    keep up the good work with this site this time last year i was so ill with anxiety and this forum has helped me get back to where i am today not fully recovered but much better than i was

    sam x

  108. Adam Says:

    Nicole, Thank you very much for the reply I truely appreiate it. I do have Claires books and shall read them again today. I shall take that approach from now on :) my thoughts just seem to slip back into monitoring how I feel andwhat im thinking or just thinking about anxiety and what I should be doing. So I just let that happen? and pay it as little attention as possible and just let it be there and get on with my day? :)



  109. Tom Says:


    just a quick post of positivity for everyone who is struggling. Last November 2007 I developed anxiety and depersonalization. I will not bore you with the details (bad drug trip and 2 car crashes in 2 months), but I had it really bad, constantly looking inwards, strange vision, shakes, crying, depression, feeling of hopelessness, feeling that I would never be the same, pshyciatrist help (well NHS help anyway), I had no idea what was going on. Name it, I had it.

    Well now, I feel amazing, to put it bluntly, i’m 100% recovered, although I don’t agree with that term really. Anyone who has come through, as everyone can and will with advice, realises that its more of a transition than becoming the person you once were, your just sort of reborn mentally. Now I feel a more mature, positive person who realises how great life can be.

    I’ll keep it short, I had no ongoing professional help, no medicine, no crazy hypnotism or unconventional techniques. Just this website and ebook, a few other sources (Clare Weekes), running, herbal tea (no coffee), good quality St Johns wort for the depression stage (around 2 months), Evening Primrose for its calming effects (though I can’t confirm the effectiveness of the latter two). Most of all, faith that I would improve and support from friends and family.

    This site changes lives, and saved mine.

    Cheers Paul, Tom M

  110. Paul David Says:

    Hi Tom, Good to hear from you again. I am so gald you are back to your old self, you used to talk a lot of sense on here when answering others. And your right you don’t wake up recovered one day its more of a transition as it was for me, little layers of my old self coming back and you are right you do see life in a different way, I certainly do and don’t take anything for granted anymore.

  111. selma Says:


    We must be anxiety soul mates because I read you posts and felt like I was reading my life lately!! I totally relate to that feeling that washes over you…that fed up, agitated, will this ever end, never-ending feeling, right???? By FAR, that is the worst feeling to me. The light anxiety I can handle. And also, my fear is depression and/or bipolar so when I hear about terrible cases where people suffer for years and years, I feel such dispair, it’s like I can relate and empathize to the point of actually feeling it too! I even have nightmares where I am suffering from depression and wake up so scared.

    It really is hard at times. Although, when I am engaged and busy and distracted with work or exercise or laughing with my family, I am in a completely different zone and am not aware of these scary thoughts. This is what convinces me that I am OK- because my natural state is one free of anxiety. I KNOW this is the real me and it wants to come out all the time.

    But on really difficult days, like the last few, I feel fed up, at the end of my rope and almost desperately sick of it all. I am trying as much as I can to accept even these most awful feelings and get back in touch with the real me that does not want to suffer anymore.

  112. Dean Says:

    hi all

    just want to find out what causes the dizzy spells,is it from tension or unbalanced innner ear due to the anxiety.i think i am getting gud at this of slowly grasping the concept of adopting a watever additude and just feeling what im feeling.i do still have my bad days,but im just going to let them come.


  113. Stephen Says:

    Thanks for that post Tom, sounds like you mentioned alot of my symptoms and how i felt which give me more hope again. So glad that you are back to your old self must be an amazing feeling. I know when i do return to my old self i will never take another day feeling normal for granted again!!. Thanks again for posting Tom.

    Oh selma, i had the ‘Bipolar fear’ for so long too but its really just the depression one now. Suppose by fearing it we are tensing against it and it is a very normal off shoot anxiety symptom so everyone says. But its so hard to accept. Ive just keep reminding myself in this bad moments how much i have imporved like no more real physical symptoms, can go out where ever i like although can feel bad at times but i recon these are all good improvements. Oh and Semla do you find what ever you fear, u see and hear the most cases of it on the tv/radio its rediculous lol. Spose we are just on alert for it.

    Dean- The dizziness / and or light headedness you feel is a natural flight or fight response. What happenes is in a threating situation your body prepares its self to beable to fight or get away and does some weird stuff like almosts stops digestion and your imune systems so your max energy can go where you need it. This is the same for the dizziness, as your body thinks it needs to be ready to react, it fills all your limb and leg musciles with blood to make them work at their best potential if needed. This takes alot of blood out of the brain and makes you feel very dizzy which is very normal. I went through some terrible dizzy stages where i was dizzy 24/7 and it felt so strange but it eventually lifted and know is completely gone.


  114. Tom Says:

    Hi Stephen,

    just read your post from yesterday, and I too can relate to what you are experiencing (from my past experience). The thing about watching TV and then something triggering your mind about your anxiety problem. I had the exact same thing, if somebody would even mention the word crazy , “like don’t be crazy, thats too expensive” or something I would immediately begin to think deeply into anxiety and my problem (because anxiety and dp made me feel crazy).

    The problem is an anxiety/dpz sufferer is so desperate to get better we dive into the subject and want to know everything about it, like other sufferers, people’s storys and experiences, side effects, medical help, cures etc. However, the answer to anxiety does not lye on an internet blog or forum, in a pill or expensive phsyciatric help, it is about distancing your thoughts from the initial problem of anxiety, and then after time our thought patterns alter and we begin to de-sensitise to TV programs’about depression, and in my case the word ”crazy”, and our minds begin to engage on other elements of life outside of anxiety.

    After this, you will get better, maybe for an hour, a day or week, then it will come crashing down again (a setback), but the memory of that moment of improvement (memory now acts in your favour), keeps you moving on until the your next break from anxiety, and its this incremental process thats will finally take you through, and it does get easier.

    Just remember, there is nothing wrong with you or your brain, its just your thoughts are obsessed with your illness and negativity that is causing your whole body to react. You have trained your mind to worry, now its time alter it’s focus, socialise, play sports, video games, puzzles, exciting movies (not crap tv), anything to re-engage your mind.

    I now I am repeating Paul’s book, but it really is a matter of taking this advice and accepting the dizzyness, headaches, shakes, strange vision, lack of concentration etc for the time being, becuase thats the only natural way to finally get rid of them.

    Tom M

  115. Stephen Says:

    Hi Tom,

    Although i was prone to worry as a kind an axneity to a degree, it wasnt a issue until until i had an expeirence like you did very ashamed of it and had a panic attack and have had bad general anxiety ever since. I went through the stage thinking i had done some permident damage to myself but remember me always being prone to worry ect. Its funny when the feeling of dread washes over me if i think of it as anxiety it feels like anxiety if i think this is depression it feels like depression, its so weird i think it changes into what ever we fear almost. No matter what feeling i get Tom, do i just say what ever and thry and think of something different or do i let them be there and let myself think about them? as simple as acceptance sounds i find it really difficult.

    Thanks again

  116. Carol R Says:

    Hi Tom

    Thanks for your post. it has given me hope. I too started with anxiety in Nov 07 and wondered what on earth was wrong with me. I had every symptom going but with the help of this book and my cbt therapist, I am well on the road to recovery. I understand anxiety so well, but am just trying not to let it rule my thoughts. I have had horrible and disturbing thoughts and most of the time, I can dismiss them. I do have good days now and even good spells, which make the set backs even harder, I just need to accept the bad times now. I am glad you are OK now, well done and thanks again for the realisation I will get better. x

  117. James Says:

    Tom, just wondered if i could ask a quick question, i have been feeling really depressed this last few weeks, i have been suffering 4 months now and the depression just came out of nowhere. In the beginning i felt jovial enough, so to speak, with physical symptoms and as they no longer gave a control on me am left with the psychological symptoms, namely pessimism, always focusing on me and the low mood/depression. I know the depression is said to be transient and i was interested in the St. John’s Wort you mentioned. I assume you would recommend it ahead of anti-depressants, which i have rfused to take. Where can i get it? what strength is it? how often do you take it? etc.
    Also, thanks for posting your success story


  118. camille Says:

    Hi Everyone,

    I guess this is the 3rd time I post in this blog but I always read your posts. Im glad to know that there are lot of people recovers from anxiety even without having any medication… Right now, im having a setback and again its like I’m out of space. Im always thinking that there’s something wrong with me and that gives me the reason to be afraid. That I’m afraid to go alone because Im thinking that I won’t reach my work place. Its really hard to do my routines when at the back of my mind there are lot of scary thoughts, unexplained thoughts that keeps on bugging me. I am in my 6 years of anxiety now and my only medicine is prayers.. I never had any medications or advice from anyone.. Its just even there are lots of weird thoughts I still try to keep on going because I have to work for my family… I wish this will end soon coz it doesn’t make any sense at all..

    Thank God I found this site…

  119. samantha Says:

    hi all

    can somebody please tell me if they have had this

    i can be sat in lectures and strange images past dreams memories whatever kepp popping up in my mind i get so distressed thinking why is this happening and think that yes i am going mad i cant find this symptom anywhere and i have looked is this anxiety cos it is making me question my sanity again and it does scare me to the point i am obssessed with every thought that enters my head

    samantha xxxxxxxx

  120. Paul David Says:

    hi all

    can somebody please tell me if they have had this

    i can be sat in lectures and strange images past dreams memories whatever kepp popping up in my mind i get so distressed thinking why is this happening and think that yes i am going mad i cant find this symptom anywhere and i have looked is this anxiety cos it is making me question my sanity again and it does scare me to the point i am obssessed with every thought that enters my head

    Samantha you are doing everything that I tell you not to do. You again have given in to an off shoot of anxiety paid it the maximum respect and decided rather to just sit in your lecture with strange images and dreams passing through, you have become distressed over it, become scared of it, probaby sat there trying to work it all out, decided to scare yourself with thoughts of going crazy, etc, etc, it any wonder you felt worse. You are probably thinking about it all the way home, going over why, what, if.

    I will tell you that I had the same symptoms many times, when I was drifting off to sleep I felt like I was lifting off the bed, I had so many thoughts come through, but just shrugged my shoulders. When your mind is tired, which yours will be with all the worry and stress you are putting it under, trying to figure things out etc, then it plays the odd trick on you. Have you ever tried to stay up all night, not sleep for more than 24 hours, your mind starts playing the odd trick on you, its the same thing, your mind is just very tired. Please don’t do all the google thing looking for that symptom and this symptom, its a waste of time, just put ALL symptoms under the umbrella of anxiety. Don’t feel the need to investigate them all, obsess and worry, you just go around in circles tiring your mind even more and don’t give it the break it so craves.

    I always say I can give advice out, what I can’t do is make people follow it and trust in what I say, only you can do that, allow yourself to feel anything, its fine.

    Hope that helps


  121. samantha Says:

    hi paul

    thanks so much yes i have followed your advice and most if not all my anxiety symptoms have gone just like you say they do . this is my last remaining symptom and thanks for giving me a much needed kick up the bum for giving it so much importance

    so what if i get these and feel weird its ok to feel like this i will give myself permission to feel like this

    i know your from hull i,m in bradford so both yorkshire folk


  122. Dean Says:

    HI stephen

    Thanks for that,i only really experience the dizziness when im goin to sleep and put my head on the pillow and then i start to feel dizzy. p.s just also been wanting go and urinate all the time like 5 or 6 times a day.


  123. Paul David Says:

    We do need a kick up the bum sometimes Samantha and I spoke quite direct to help you and really get my point home, no other reason, its just I don’t want you or anyone letting anxiety take control again and bluffing you into thinking it is something else, your fine, let it play its tricks, its honestly just a tired mind, it means nothing.

    I am actually not from Hull, that’s all the girls on here Samamntha, I am from very close to you, west yorkshire lad myself. I go to Bradford on many occasions to watch the game I love, Rugby League.

  124. samantha Says:

    hi paul

    you a bulls fan then? i live near the bulls stadium xxxxxxxxxx

    i am glad you were direct with me its just what i needed a no nonsense approach and thanks again might i add that last year when i was screaming to be sectioned i got your book and it was such a comfort and i now pass your web site on to others who are suffereing as i am a helpliner for no panic xxxxxxxx

    thamks again i wouldnt be this far along the road to recovery if i had not have got your book

  125. Tom Says:


    You try not to feel ashamed or angry with yourself about the reason that you developed anxiety. I punished myself mentally for so long for taking the substances that led to panic, dp and anxiety taking over my life, but take it from me it does not help. People make mistakes, and this is how we learn. I believed for ages that I had changed or damaged something in my brain irreversibly and that I would have to live my entire life like this, but now I see how wrong I was.

    I won’t lie to you, your brain function may have altered temporarily, with the part that controls anxiety/adrenaline becoming over active, however this is completely reversible, think of it as stretching a muscle, now you need to try and calm it. But when we do take such substances, a change in brain function is what we actually want, just don’t forget that. Also remember, that regardless of what substance is used, the cause of anxiety is NOT a result of the chemical itself, but the resultant panic attacks caused by the unwanted effects (like a bad trip). I have had this confirmed by professionals.

    Sorry to bring drugs to the website, though its important to be clear to people that what they feel is not due to brain misfunction directly caused by foreign chemicals. People who had developed anxiety/dp through an accident or bereavement show the exact same symptons as somebody with a drug related onset.

    As for trying to control your thoughts, its impossible, and as Paul states in his book, let them “flow in an flow out”. When the dread/anxious thoughts (I know what you mean) enter your head, don’t take the bait, let them be there, they are just false signals of danger. Don’t try to actively avoid them, because this is just another form of fighting. Let them be there, acknowledge them, and then continue with your day, this really is the only way to get out of the cycle.

    James – You can get St Johns Wort from any herbalist, and as a general rule, the more expensive the better quality it will be. Check wikipedia for more info. But do NOT use it if you are already taking prescribed medicine from the doctor.

  126. Stephen Says:

    Hi Tom,

    Thanks for your reply it has helped me heaps. I’ve always been the person who worries in my family as young as i can remember and thinking the worst will happen. So i’ve always had this tendency which wasnt really an issue. I have always worried about having this illness or that illness but thought it was normal to worry. But at a party about 7 months ago i tried something for the first time and freaked out how i felt and what happened to my body. They way i felt was normal considering what i had done but it was a new feeling to me and i paniced and had my first panic attack. But calmed down eventually and was fine, then was fine for 2-3 weeks and didnt give it a second thought until i hoped on a bus to go to uni and felt slightly sick. Then i got a thought, what if i vomit on the bus. One thing led to another and i paniced. Then went into constant anxiety waiting for the next panic attacks and now just experience general anxiety without panic attacks.

    I would never take anything again apart from alcohol lol, but i was very ashamed of myself as i usually always make mature decisions and cant believe i let myself make that choice. Apart of growing up i guess. However before this experience i was begining to already breakout into anxiety and it would of eventually happened anyway as i have always put myself under way too much stress and ignored all my ealier warning signs. I am just working on floating through my day, accepting how i feel but giving it no attention. Thanks again Tom, really appreciate it mate.

    Dean i get the whole dizzy feeling when im falling asleep too, like i feel like im floating out of my bed or sinking into it. Or i get this weird almost shuddering dizzy feeling im my head that usually comes right on dozing off. It has imporved heaps tho and its barely there anymore for me. just let your self feel dizzy i actually find it quite relaxing now haha because i look at it differently when it does happen. When people are nervous they usually do have to urinate heaps which is also very normal. Before my major outbreak i remember before i did scary things or sit an exam i would always have to urinate a few times before very normal and i think everyone can vouch for that.


  127. Scarlet Says:

    Dean like Stephen said, the dizziness is part of anxiety. I had it as well…also many trips to the loo, all normal when suffering. Let is happen, be dizzy, so what…it will go eventually go, so will the loo trips.

    Stephen you are doing so well. I think probably I too had a disposition to anxiety and it would have happened sooner or later. But I am glad now that it did and I have learned heaps from it…and have become a much more easy going person who doesn’t stress out over so much (not that I never get anxious, angry or depressed/down even, this is part of life… but I pick myself up real easy again). I know I will never be like I was ever again, because I don’t let the small stuff get to me any takes patience mind, and doesn’t happen overnight, you have to learn to be this way… and you can do it, anybody can.

    Like Tom says you have to let the thoughts come and not pay them any weight, don’t avoid them, when the thought comes in just say to yourself, “you know what thought, I can’t be bothered to take you any further becasue I know it won’t get me anywhere”. Let the thoughts be in the background as you get on with your life, they can’t hurt you. I promise you, you can get out of the cycle and live an anxiety free life, it just takes a wee bit of patience…


  128. Candie Says:

    Hi Everyone

    Just thought i would let everyone know that iv just got a job working for the Royal Mail. I will be working for three weeks as a christmas temp, it will be good for me to get back out there and the money is really good too so it will come in handy for xmas! Oops sorry Paul, i mensioned the unmensionable ‘xmas’ there didnt I :p

    I would also like to second something Scarlet mensioned, about knowing you will never suffer again. Even though i havnt fully recovered i have come far in my recovery- your attitude changes and you begin to make changes in your own reactions to stress- thats how you know you will never suffer again. Like today i had a job interview and found out i had to leave and get some pasport photos of myself… i had to hurry back to make sure i reserved myself a place working for the Royal Mail- now at first i was all flustered and worrying about missing the opportunity. Then i thought to myself ‘Candie, you can worry and stress all you like but the fact of the matter is that you will still need to make the trip to get these photos so all the worrying is not going to change anything’. I came to the conclusion that il go get the photos, but what will be will be. Before i would of stormed around rushing and stressing, getting myself all worked up. I suppose accepting how you feel rubs ofin other aspects of life too!

    Hope everyone is having a good week

  129. mike Says:

    hi everyone,
    well candie i have had someting similar happen to me today.
    i have been taken into office at work today to tell me that ill be changing roles in my job as of a week monday. ill be in training for my new job for x3 weeks starting monday 24th november. when i was told, i could feel myself getting worried, stressed and all anxious. then like you candie thought what is the point in the worrying, ill get the training done accept the job change as i havent got a choice, and just give it a bloody good shot. there is no way im letting anxiety get the better of me again. not a chance. see you later.

  130. Paul David Says:

    Oops sorry Paul, i mensioned the unmensionable ‘xmas’ there didnt I :p

    I would also like to second something Scarlet mensioned

    Candie have you been drinking to celebrate your job : )

    Mensioned, unmensionable!

    Your right though and Candie remember even though we have made big strides, we are still a little sensitised, so have a larger reaction to a bit of a adrenain, which makes us feel a little more flustered, we feel as though we are more stressed than we really are or the problem is bigger than it should be. Once we understand that we only get an exaggerted reaction because of the slight sensitisation it puts things into perspective and you do as you and Mike both said, just get on and know everything will be fine, you don’t let anxiety and its reaction win. Good on you Candie aswell I knew you would get it, just in time for *********** see I can’t say it, he he.

    Also good luck Mike with your new position, see it as a new challange, see the positive side of it, I always try to do that. Also the run Mike, there is loads of time to register with it being 5 months away, they don’t even have a fee up at the moment, so I thought I would register next month sometime. A friend of mine has done it a few times and says its a very good run, looking forward to it and my fitness is getting better each week.

  131. mike Says:

    i will, ill see it has new challenge. if you let me know when you register and ill register at same time. im in training now doing about 3 miles every other night so come april should be good to go.

  132. Candie Says:

    Hahaha i have an obsession with ‘mensioned’!

    Christmas,Christmas, Christmas Christmas Christmas Christmas Christmas Christmas Christmas Christmas Christmas Christmas Christmas Christmas Christmas Christmas Christmas Christmas

  133. Paul David Says:

    ‘Mentioned Candie, Mentioned not Mensioned, slurring your words again lol.

    Now where is that Christmas delete button, Ill leave it up for today and then it goes, yellow card : )

  134. Scarlet Says:

    Talking about Xmas, have the Xmas decorations gone up all over the UK yet. I found that the European lights were bland in comparison. I love it when lights go up. Over here it’s spectacular, there are already Xmas trees everywhere and I’m thinking of getting my decorations up soon (only kidding of course) LOLOLOLOL

    I wish it could be Christmas everyday, when the bells start ringing and the band begins to play

    tra la la

    let the bells ring our for Christmas

    don’t you just love it

  135. lorryt Says:

    hi there all

    we have a complete chrsitms nut down here too , all his extreme xmas house decorations went up on 31st october !. it is a really good light show though ! we have moderate.
    the odd emotion is creeping in which feels good!! slow but sure, have had a few better days this week.i actually stayed in a bit today which for me is a complete nightmare. i hate sitting down doing nowt !- – hence i did some housework – that was a swear word in my house!.
    Rather than feeling really down with washes of emotiuon and panic, i frim time to time feel just flat, so i guess things are starting to level out
    Apart from a bit today when i was in Tesco, and the security guys had a shoplifter – he was extremely violent and abusvie and i felt a bit pacnicky but havent really thought about it since. which is good for me

    Hope you are all well xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  136. Candie Says:

    Hhaha they both sound the same Paul 😀

    Oh how the Christmas love has spread across the blog!

    (sings) * Merry Christmas everyoneeee!

    I am of to bake some chocolate chip muffins… yum 😀

  137. selma Says:

    you said:
    hi all

    can somebody please tell me if they have had this

    i can be sat in lectures and strange images past dreams memories whatever kepp popping up in my mind i get so distressed thinking why is this happening and think that yes i am going mad i cant find this symptom anywhere and i have looked is this anxiety cos it is making me question my sanity again and it does scare me to the point i am obssessed with every thought that enters my hea

    YES! i have totally had this, and still do. i think (and hope) i am in the final stages of a very long battle with anxiety/depression. this is still something i get from time to time. i’ll recall out of the clear blue a very odd memory or dream triggered out of nowhere! i try to just think, oh well, i have a creative mind and it tends to bring up odd things from time to time. but i TOTALLY know what you mean. it used to freak me out so much and give me a terrible rush of panic and anxiety. i thought for sure it meant i was crazy. i think there is no end to the odd symptoms of anxiety/panic. chalk this up to another one of them.

  138. selma Says:

    one more thing, people who are going crazy would not be troubled by these odd memory/dreams….they would believe they are reality, right? people who are going mad don’t THINK they are, whereas we are HYPERAWARE of every little thought, questioning our sanity, which further enforces that we are not.

  139. Sam Says:

    hey all ,

    did not post for a while but doing well and accepting all of this which makes it easier…Just want Paul + Candie + James + Scarlet etc…know that i read this blog everyday and it makes me feel great to know there is people that are so supportive and just amazing people…Thanks everyone
    PS: my days are now 80% good + 20% alright


  140. diane Says:

    Thanks every1 for your comments they r a great help. been following the blog for a while and have pauls book but never posted.
    ive bin anxious for a couple of years now sometimes feel better in some situations than others. Please can someone help with a question? on most nights i can fall asleep great but i have really bad anxiety dreams/night terrors in my sleep i wake up feeling anxious as ever, pains behind my eyes and red marks on my chest. Its awful I feel like im getting somewhere somedays but then it attacks me again in my sleep and I never feel refreshed the next day.

  141. Natalie Says:

    Hi all

    This isn’t really off topic I’m afraid, but just wanted to mention a few things….

    As we all know, the first step to recovery is a change in attitude towards our anxiety. However, there have been a few lifestyle changes which has made living alongside my anxiety a lot easier and has I’m sure helped in my journey through anxiety.

    I noticed early on how much physical tension I was holding onto, especially during heightened periods of anxiety. All of this tension exhausted my muscles till I was feeling fatigued all the time, often I would stay in bed all day, with little energy.
    Being over sentisized to how your body feels is a symptom of anxiety, however, it is important to realise that muscles are tensed and learn how to relax them over time.

    Often anxiety hits us after long periods of stress, so if we are able to manage this stress better at the source, then the after effects are not going to hit us with such force.

    I joined a yoga class some months ago, and although I did (and sometimes still do) feel anxious when I am in the class, it has taught me relaxation techniques and how to deal with physical tension. These things I can take away from the class and put into use when I am feeling heightened anxiety.
    I didn’t do the class in order to help with the recovery from anxiety, but rather as a positive change to my lifestyle. You should always make changes for yourself and not for anxiety. If it helps ease anxiety, then it’s a bonus!

    Its good to take in plenty of vitamins, so I decided to start taking Floradix, which is a liquid vitamin and mineral formula. It does contain high levels of iron however, so check with your docs first if you’re interested in taking it. While I’m on the subject, I noticed that St Johns Wort has been mentioned on this thread. Again, It’s really important to check with your docs before taking it.

    I bought a cheap juicer, only about 20 quid. This is great as you can juice veggies and all kinds of things in it. It is hard to stomach at first. However it really can make you feel good. Again, it’s not about doing these things to control your anxiety, rather a healthy lifestyle that can aid you living alongside your anxiety.
    When I was at my lowest I was unable to exercise as I was so weak, I could only muscle up a small walk at best, so I found comfort in the fact that my diet was something that I did have control over, and I believe over time, it helped me to get some strength back.

    I hope you’re all well


  142. Carol R Says:

    Hi Sam

    Pleased you are doing well. Did post you on the avoidence blog asking you how you were doing. I agree that the support on this site, really helps and I too would like to thank everyone for their help. I beleive that only people who are experiencing or have experienced anxiety can truly understand it. Take care everyone. x

  143. samantha Says:

    hi selma

    thank you sooo much for your reply i am so much more reassured about this particular symptom now knowing someone else has had it makes me feel better

    just another thing i sometimes feel there is something not right with me anyone else get that ?


  144. Carol R Says:

    Hi Samantha

    Yes I often feel there is something not right with me. It is just the constant checking on on ourselves. I can be having a good laugh at work and then out of the blue comes my little gremlin just reminding me that it is still there and then the checking starts again. I was told be my therapist to just enjoy the good times and to accept the not so good times. I too have the past dream, memories, images pop up. I work in a post office and can be serving a customer and deep in concentration and up pops a holiday memory out of the blue. I too used to think this was not right, but now accept it as my brain just working overtime. Think I must have stored too much information over the years, we must have big brains!
    I think the hardest thing for me at the moment is visual reminders of my obsessions that I used to fear. Even though I can accept these fears as a symptom, it is the memory that annoys me. Does anyone understand this or is it just me? How do I accept this condition? Would appreciate some help.

    Thanks everyone!

  145. mike Says:

    hi carol.
    i think we at times just think back to when we were at our worst and the memory of it still scares us a little. we are accepting each day and improving till the memory of all this wont bother us at all oneday.
    its a long road to full recovery carol but we will all get there.
    p.s can you go to the game on sunday against my team, remeber you mentioned in earlier post hull always lose when you go the match and need a win from somewhere so please can you go the match!!! have good day everyone x

  146. Carol R Says:

    Hi Mike

    Thanks for your support. Sorry but can not go to the match on Saturday, cos away, but judging by Hull City’s performance last weekend, am sure Man City will win. We are Liverpool supporters in our house, but we do like Hull to win so think will have to keep away. We are fast running out of friends who support them. Even customers in the post office where I work are telling me to keep away. Like I have the power to make them play so bad?!!!!!!!!If I did have the power would put it to some good use, like making everyone on this site better immediately!!!!

    Good luck for Saturday and thanks for making me laugh.

  147. Angie Says:

    Hi everone, my name is Angie… I am from Phoenix,Arizona and I am a working mom of four beautiful children. I teach for a living and love what I do. I am 37 years old and have suffered with anxiety for years…I’m not sure when it started but it got worse over the past few years due to life’s stresses. I have really been helped by this website (thank you Paul and all that are sharing on here!) I have to say that no one knows exactly what this condition is or how to help unless they have been through it themselves. When I have gone to the doctor they just look at me like I’m from another planet…hand me pills and send me on my way ( I always believed that meds were not the answer for me)
    Anyways with the help of this site I am on the road to recovery…not quite there yet, but have made tremendous improvement!!!….oh how sweet it is to have real answers to all this confusion!!! I’m taking things one day at a time!
    To me this seems so weired still….but I have developed out of this condition a phobia about going to the doctors (had a bad experience in a hosp a while back) and find it a very uncomfortable situation…you will see my dilema since that is a place that I should not be avoiding…i do force myself to go.
    Can anyone else relate?

  148. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Angie,

    A warm welcome to you. Wow! 4 children is a lot of work, I have 2 and am run off my feet most days. You are right that no-one knows what you are going through unless they too have suffered, this is why I personally would only seek help from those who have suffered and come through the other end, as I too had a bad experience with doctors. At the height of my anxiety (7 months pregnant) and suffering from terrible depersonalisation, one GP in Hull (a city in N.England), told me that half of Hull were walking around in a daze so not to worry and to go home and just relax a bit more. I am not phobic about hospitals myself but I try to avoid going to medical professionals at all costs, always have, even before suffering anxiety/depression.

    I promise you that you can overcome this anxiety, it takes time, but by implementing a few of the things Paul tells you to, like facing your fears whenever you are able, to continue with normal daily activities no matter how you feel, to accept the thoughts and let them be in the background, and not give them any will gradually disappear and you will start to have more and more good days.


  149. Angie Says:

    Thank you for the warm welcome Scarlet. It feels good to know there are people that are going through the same things I am…I don’t feel so alone anymore! I will follow the advice and continue to educate myself on this condition and follow the great advice from Paul and everone else who has something helpful to share.
    By the way, my worst depersonalisation came when I was pregnant as well.
    May I ask why you avoid medical professionals? is it an offshoot of the anxiety? I know Paul says “ALL symptoms should be put under the same umbrella” am I just trying to seperate this symptom and just making it a seperate fear?…I’m a bit confused..
    Thanks again Scarlet and everyone!

  150. John P Says:

    One question though even though the sypmtoms are gone my mind still
    keeps racing..I took psych nursing and learned all about the mental
    illnesses and was perturbed about GAD being a mental illness in the
    fact that are body naturally does this. It just we keep pushing it. There are many articles out there from psychologists that state this opinion. I just wanted to see what you think Pual. For me, my mom was very concerned about me and basically worried if something happened to me. She basicaly raised me by herself. The past of staying inside and losing control has sucked out my confidence along with the repeating thoughts and how do you get over what you did to yourself. I thought I had every mental illness there was.I I was scared after my first anxiety attack but was in the hospital. I was fine and returned to a natural state but then the dr said the tingling I have might be MS.Thats when it didnt stop I saw xanax might make you hallucinate then that kept my anxiety alive and with the knowledge I gained through psych nursing that added fuel to the fire.

  151. Tom Says:

    Hi guys,

    Just thought I would try to contribute to the discussion of memory during the process of recovery (Carol, Samantha and Mike). During my recovery, I very very frequently had memories appear in my head, triggered by an event/action/occurence during my day. Most of all these memories would be about how I felt before I started suffering with anxiety. Somehow all these memories seemed to imply how great I felt at that moment in history, compared to the present (when I was suffering). Therefore, the memories actually made me feel worse than better, it was like looking back on something I had lost.

    But let me make clear something I have learn’t in the latter stages of my recovery/transition process;

    In our heads we are always seaching for that higher level of happiness, a time when everything is perfect, a time when we can say I really am enjoying life, or a time when we feel free of anxiety. Unfortunately, when we reach that point, we never realise it at that particular point in time, its only when we look back we realise, oh yeah, I really was happy then, and then we feel down/depressed that we don’t feel like that now. Thats why we shouldn’t try to monitor ourselves day in day out, because by doing this we really are missing out on the spontaneous side of life.

    I remember reading an extract from a poet/writer exclaim that “i’m at my happiest when I don’t realise I’m living at all”. I hope this makes sense to some of you.


  152. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Angie,

    I am fully recovered now, have been for a while, my baby is almost now two and half. I agree with Tom, when I was suffering I was always searching for a time when life would be perfect. Now I am well again, I don’t have a perfect life, but I am content and satisfied with my life.

    It’s hard not to monitor yourself, but it comes when you start implementing what Paul has said in his book and on this site…
    it really does, but becasue it’s a slow process with lots of ups and downs, you hardly notice your own recovery at times.

    As for Medical Professionals, it’s not something to do with anxiety, I just had little faith in them, always have. I always prefered to take alternative remedies.

    How are you feeling today


  153. John P Says:

    One question though even though the sypmtoms are gone my mind still
    keeps racing..I took psych nursing and learned all about the mental
    illnesses and was perturbed about GAD being a mental illness in the
    fact that are body naturally does this. This has sort of sucked out my
    confidence along with the repeating thoughts and how do you get over
    what you did to yourself..The memories keep popping up.

  154. James Says:

    Good evening one and all. I am after some practical advice for those people who are further on with anxiety recovery than I feel I am. I get married 3 weeks today. AAAAAGH. Since my anxiety became a daily problem this has been the one thing that hs been on my horizon more than any other. I am getting very edgy and at this moment in time my thoughts about the day are overwhelming. I tell my girlfriend that however anxious/nervous she is, multiply it by 10 and thats how i feel. Any advice to keep me calm in the run up or has anyone had a similar scenario during their anxiety??



  155. Matthew Sweetingham Says:

    Hi guys, I’m what I believe fairly well along towards the road to recovery but lately I’ve been experiencing more anxious thoughts which has affected my confidence somewhat. In my case I’ve just moved from New Zealand to South Korea to begin a teaching job. I’ve been here 10 days now and I put my anxiety down to a new environment (getting outside my comfort zone) and not really knowing too many people. However, over the last few days my anxiety has subsided at times and I know that I’ll come out of it soon. I actually see it as a good thing to experience anxiety again as it reminds me that I need some more practice of accepting the thoughts etc… I guess we can be going along fine but whenever we put ourselves in a new position or challenge, then anxiety can rear its head. A non sufferer of anxiety can also experience doubts and the like when taking on something new. To me that is what gives us sufferers an advantage over others: we understand how fear works and how our thoughts and feelings can bluff us into thinking the wrong way; knowing this we can (all in good time) take on new challenges, knowing that we will be okay. We may feel down and lousy but it is only our thinking that makes us feel this way. Our right inner voice will eventually get stronger and stronger.

  156. Matthew Says:

    Hi guys, I’m what I believe fairly well along towards the road to recovery but lately I’ve been experiencing more anxious thoughts which has affected my confidence somewhat. In my case I’ve just moved from New Zealand to South Korea to begin a teaching job. I’ve been here 10 days now and I put my anxiety down to a new environment (getting outside my comfort zone) and not really knowing too many people. However, over the last few days my anxiety has subsided at times and I know that I’ll come out of it soon. I actually see it as a good thing to experience anxiety again as it reminds me that I need some more practice of accepting the thoughts etc… I guess we can be going along fine but whenever we put ourselves in a new position or challenge, then anxiety can rear its head. A non sufferer of anxiety can also experience doubts and the like when taking on something new. To me that is what gives us sufferers an advantage over others: we understand how fear works and how our thoughts and feelings can bluff us into thinking the wrong way; knowing this we can (all in good time) take on new challenges, knowing that we will be okay. We may feel down and lousy but it is only our thinking that makes us feel this way. Our right inner voice will eventually get stronger and stronger.

  157. samantha Says:

    hi all

    thanks tom what you said made perfect sense to me X

    i have another problem really i think i am questioning how i am feeling all the time do i feel right or wrong am i normal all those sorts of questions

    anyone else experienced this especially the overiding thought will i ever recover when i get this i can feel very down and then think i have depression honestly i am my own worst enemy sometimes


  158. Stephen Says:

    Hi scarlet & everyone

    Been accepting as much as i can laterly and are slowly experiencing more good moments in my day now and yesterday even had moments when i looked into the future but in an excited way instead of a down/dreading way i would still be like this. Today was abit of a test, just being bored at home kinda got the thoughts starting and the questioning how i feel. I’ve kinda taken a different approch like instead of working out how i feel be it anxious, down, not happy i am putting ALL not good feelings/ thoughts under the term just feeling bad without exploring each individual feeling. So if i feel good i feel good, if i dont feel good i just say, yer i feel bad atm what can you do, it will pass and try and give it as little attention/importance as possible. However i still do struggle.

    The not giving any attention to the bad feelings and thoughts makes soooo much more sense to me now, i was thinking the other day before we suffered we all focused on happy thoughts, feelings and looked forward to things in life ect and because we gave these happy, healthy feelings so much attention the body kinda fixes on this like it does with the anxiety. so when we get like a happy thought we think about it lots and our mind holds onto it and we enjoy it and give it loads of attention. However we have turned the attention on negative stuff and bad feelings so our mind is working in the same way but just focuses on what we give our attention to. If that makes any sense what so Im still having bad days and moments but kinda feel like i might be on the right track. i feel abit bad know as i type this but know it will pass you know.

    Hope everyone has a good week, it is getting so hot over here in Australia and the summer storms are getting worce each year! had a bad one this arfternoon and just managed to get my car into the garage before the hail. Must be getting cold over in the uk.


  159. John Says:

    Hi all,
    I just wanted to tell my story. I am currently a nursing student. I was taking psych nursing during the summer as part of a extensive two year program. I was fine except during the middle of the semester i was studying so much, sleeping so little. I drank caffiene but in nursing school I drank ten fold. The week before my final I had the last test covering the final chapters. On that day I sleep maybe 5 hours, studied all day drank massive amounts of energy drinks, iced coffee with shots of expresso and barely ate. After the test I had a headache. I stayed for the class and after went home. I had headace like I never had before. I thought I was having a stroke and began to panic. I got in my car and drove to the hospital. I sat down in the emergency room and my blood pressure skyrocketed. I was there for a few hours but I was fine. I however had tingling in my hand. Later on a dr that didnt even see me before said I might have symptoms of Multiple sclerosis.This is where it all started.MY regular dr gave me xanax and i saw the side effects and then began envisioning the worst. The worst thing is that I kept going on the internet to prove I didnt have a mental illness and spent the whole summer by myself because all my friends for school had the option to take pharmacology for a second summer session. I was supposed to take a break for fishing and go outdoors and vacation. I was scared of the floaters because they got so bad. It was just a vicious cycle. The funny thing is my mind is in a loop. It keeps flooding the thoughts at I had at certain times and other times I take Pauls advice and it dissipates. The main thing I have a problem with is that I feel so guilty about letting myself fall like that and to think about all the stuff I thought about 3 months ago even to this day. I was always a person who focused on that day and now it seems I cant get it back. Its been hard. My therapist keeps looking back at my childhood and it makes me feel worse and as a result started to blame my mom. Anyone have any advice?I have the feeling to fight and maybe try one of the cognitive behaviorial techniques. Another thing is that I questioned my religion, my sanity, and even who I am? i read all diffferent types of self help books and it confused me so much more. I feel like I dont know who I am anymore.The joy of the simple things like fishing and thinking about fishing seem to be without emotion except why dont I have some kind of feeling for it. Sometimes I get the sporadic feeling for it.The other thing I did is that I looked at buddhaism, meditation, yoga and their beliefs and tried to change myself but confused myself even more. I feel like I am lost. Any help from anyone would be greatly apreciated.

  160. john Says:

    hi guys does taking calcium and magnesium supplements help anxiety? my friend recommended this to me. thanks

  161. mike Says:

    morning everyone.
    james, i married 18 months ago. i wasnt going through anxiety when i got married but what i know now about anxiety there were symptoms there. i was nervous about being at the front of church worrying what if i pass out etc. james, honestly my friend dont fill the next 3 weeks with worry this will be the one of the happiest days of your life. you dont need to worry just stay in present moment and enjoy the build up mate because the day just flies by.

  162. Duya Says:

    “I’ve kinda taken a different approch like instead of working out how i feel be it anxious, down, not happy i am putting ALL not good feelings/ thoughts under the term just feeling bad without exploring each individual feeling. So if i feel good i feel good, if i dont feel good i just say, yer i feel bad atm what can you do, it will pass and try and give it as little attention/importance as possible. However i still do struggle.”

    Yes, that’s it. I’ve just stumbled upon the following website, and I think it’s a worthwhile reading (regardless of your religious affiliation), and something we can all relate with:

    No, I don’t think that vitamine or mineral supplements have any significant influence on anxiety; they might help relieving some symptoms. Magnesium helps muscle relaxing and relieving muscle spasms, which can be painful at night, but don’t expect any miracle.

    (Who haven’t had almost any symptoms last weekend, apart from the typical waking up at dawn).

  163. Duya Says:

    P.S. Specifically, I meant to refer to

  164. mike Says:

    hello john,
    looking at your post it looks to me that you were over tired with all the work you were putting in with your course and then anxiety worsened when you were sent on the what if merry go round by your doctor mentioning multiple sclerosis. when i came back from a lads holiday in magaluf a resort in majorca (spain) i was having pains in my side and doctor advised i may have liver damage.
    yes id hammered the beer for 2 weeks and the tests that i had came back fine but the doctor had still made me feel panicky when mentioning something serious like live damage. the person i am then set off on the worry what if this what if that vicious circle.
    try to carry on fishing, if you dont feel like doing it just go against feelings of not wanting to and try to not go down the avodance route. stick to pauls book for know because reading different things will confuse you. take care john.

  165. LORRYT Says:

    hi there all
    having a few tough days health is bad again and im worrying that i may have ot go into hospital again (6th time in 18 months ), i am a bit upset that its all started up again. im having the thoughts again and not sleeping and a bit panicky but my approach has changed, still upset about it all though. hate it hate it hate it !!!!! just a syou think you ar epulling through the buggars move the light at the end of the tunnell!!

    hope all having a good dayxx

  166. Adam Says:

    Hi Duya, upon reading some articles from the website you posted I felt this one was extremely important in what we are all trying to achieve as far as letting throughts be. It explains how letting go is not suddenly forgetting about thoughts and them never coming back, it is about jsut letting them be there (the article is far more informative then I will be 😉 ) (thanks to Duya for orignial link and by the way sorry if we are not allowed to post links I just felt that articles was very useful and may help people) This article pritty much desribes what I have figured out with using Pauls book and my own atempts. Anyway since I have last posted I have been steadily improving which has been great had a set back with me deciding that I had become OCD about clicking but hey I dont mind as I know what I am currently doing is fine and working and I am back on track. Its probably good to have these testers anyway.

    LorryT I am sorry to hear about whats happening to you at the moment i wont be the best for advice but it may be worth reading the article I linked too. I ma currently going through similair thigns with crazy thoughts etc. but we can do it :-) you wont let this beat you. It has started again but hey you know it will stop again. You can do this!

    Hope that is some use


  167. Scarlet Says:


    My anxiety started in a similar vein to yours. I was six and half months pregnant and on bed rest with complications, so I was already spending a lot of time on my own with a few worries, but not anxiety at this point. I went for a routine check-up and the gyny said that my baby’s femur was on the short side. That night, I had my first panic attack, and allsorts went through my head, what if my baby is disabled etc?. is it my fault? etc. This was the start of a downward spiral for me, and lead to endless googling, first about the health of my baby and then it progressed onto possible mental issues I may have.. Looking back, (now that I am recovered) I can actually pinpoint all the events which led up to my state of mind… and I think there was nothing I could do about it.

    Did you ever read Will Beswicks book “A Mind Works”

    Paul mentions Will Beswick on this site. At the beginning of his book I remember he said that Anxiety can all start off with one adverse reaction to a negative thought and this can lead to an ‘inability’ to do anything. This was so true for me. Like you it was the start of a spiralling loop which took me a while to get off. I can highly recommend Wills Book if you have the time to read it. He talks about thoughts having two parts, the first being the actual thought and the second where you actually take the thought (he explains this much better that me in his book mind you), he says you have to learn to cut off after the first part of the thought. This amongst other things, distracting myself and getting on with normal activities despite how I felt, was the way I recovered.

    You said that you spent the whole summer by yourself googling, this is exactly what I was doing for the first year…. it took me that long to realise that I should not be hiding myself away but that if I wanted to recover I had to face my fears. After I realised this, it was the start of my recovery really, and it took me another 8 months or so after that to put everything what I had read into practice and be fully recovered. You can do it as well..

    You never need to feel guilty, as Will said in his book as well, “It was ‘probably’ always in you waiting to happen” It can happen to anyone, and believe me, I have spoken to many regular folks who have suffered, anxiety is ‘extremely’ common. With regards to your therapist, I’m not always sure it’s helpful to look back into a persons childhood. I had a good childhood myself and I know there was nothing to dredge up, but had someone tried then I would have probably worried about that also, as I worried about everything. I have spoken to some people who have had favourable results from CBT, so it’s worth a try. Myself I didn’t try any therapy, nor medication (apart from the first 3 months, xantax, and couple other drugs which didn’t agree with me), and my anxiety/depression went with time after implementing what Paul said on this site, face your fears, carry on with normal activities despite feeling crap and let the thoughts be in the background. This is what ultimately worked for me… but it wasn’t overnight and went gradually (with many ups and downs)

    Gotta go now, but if you want to ask any more questions please feel free.

    Stephen, Candie, Lorry, speak to you soon…


  168. Scarlet Says:

    Oh and I just wanted to add, that the doc was actually wrong when measuring my babys femur during the scan and my baby was born healthy with normal length femur, and is now pretty tall for his age (age 2.4), so I worried myself sick (literally) over something a doctor said to me, which turned out to be incorrect.

  169. Dean Says:

    hi guys and paul

    I just wanted to know,can anxiety cause you to have an allergy to food you havent had an allergy to before i.e tuna and nuts?i have never had a problem with them and they were my favourite foods and know i cant touch them.i know ive been going on about this for a wile know,but im just struggling with it alot and just cant bring myself to just eating it.please help!!


  170. Candie Says:

    Hi Scarlett- how long have you been recovered for now then? Its real inspiring to have you on the blog, as a sucess story brings hope to people and is exactly the positive talk that we need on this blog :)

    Hi Dean- I have never herd of anxiety causing new alergies… but none of us here can prove anxiety cant… i think the best thing to do is speak to someone who knows there stuff when it comes to food. One thing i do know though is people develop irrational fears when they suffer anxiety- whether it be a place, food, thought person, situation etc…… if you have never had an allergy to these foods before then it may be a good idea for you to start eating these foods again in small qauntities. Until you face this fear it will always be there- once you see after eating it that no harm has come to you- then you will have your answers. I know one thing though, these foods wont worsen your anxiety levels…. its just what your thinking when you eat them that can do so…. thats why Paul says you have to come through so many times to lose fear- desensitising.

    Hi LorryT- i have a bit of advice for you, i think you have come a long way and you should be proud. Just one question, You say you hate how you feel- is hating it going to make it all go away?? NO! Infact hating and tensing against things only makes us worse. You know you are going to feel this way anyway, so give yourself a break and give yourself permision to feel like this….. it will take a lot of pressure away. The more you allow yourself to feel this way the better things get.

  171. Angie Says:

    Hi Scarlet and everyone,
    I’m feeling ok today (thank you, how about yourself?) with the exception of a bit nervous about and upcoming doctors appnt. this week, like i mentioned this is a place i do not like to visit at all but know i must not avoid. I just hate the way they look at me and make me feel like i’m really different or weired…have not had good luck finding an understanding doc. Scalet the fact that you and others have recovered really gives me hope for myself. Paul hit the nail right on the head with all that he has learned. I sometimes feel like it’s my life he’s talking about…don’t you?

    John, it sounds like you overdid it and your body reacted…somewhat similiar to me…i overdid things in a different way but my body reacted like yours did…it will get better i promise…it’s a process but the fact that you are here means that u are on the right path.

    Mike, good luck on your special day…it will be ok you’ll see!

    Hi Lorry, sorry to hear about what you are going through…my thoughts can get the best of me at times and I have to find some distraction…not easy i know…anxiety feeds on stress…pauls advice on how to get busy with positive things is very helpful with this…let me know how things work out with your health.

    Dean, anyone can develope an allergy to anything at any time…and with anxiety i believe that our thoughts will make us think and react in strange ways..our minds are very powerful…what kind of reaction are you having?


  172. Angie Says:

    Thank you Duya and Adam that article is very helpful!


  173. Angie Says:

    Will Beswicks book “A Mind Works” sounds very interesting the site has much helpful info about how our mind works..thanks Paul and Scarlet!


    I know I’m going on and’s just so much good info. guys!

    Hope you’re having a good day!

  174. Katy Says:

    Hi all
    I havent posted for a while, but always read all the messages.
    Scarlet I am finding your posts really really helpful and always feel a bit more hopeful about the future after reading your story.
    A couple of weeks ago i had a whole week with no anxiety, nothing, no symptoms, not even in the mornings, i felt it was too good to be true and even tried to bring them on but no, still nothing. Then last week it was back but not too bad and accepted it. Then this morning was a nightmare, the thoughts, the stomach aches, had to rush to the loo about 5 times! and sat frozen at my desk for about an hour unable to function. I desperately wanted to go home, but I made myself stay and it did die down eventually, although i am still shaky writing this. I’ve had this for a while now and what worries me is that even though i have so much more understanding. the thoughts that i have, i still dont trust myself and still doubt myself, after all this time. I feel like i keep a tight grip of myself when i get an attack and find it difficult/impossible not to. I think Candie once said its like trying to stop yourself from doing what you”think” you might do. Does this make sense to anyone else?? Scarlett I havent read Wills book, do you think it would help with the thoughts I have?
    wish you all well and lorry sorry to hear you feeling bad again, know how you feel!
    ps I dont live in Hull, but my daughter is at Uni in Sheffield so was up your way a few weeks ago

  175. John Says:

    Thanks Scarlett. I needed that. Its just I keep thinnking over and over on how my thought just pop up like I might be bipolar or schizophrenic. I wen t to a three different psychologist and psychirist and each one said I have Gad with obsessive compulsive hypochondiosis. The thing that is scary is that always there in the background. When i first read about gad it said something about irational thinking and then I asked myself what is irrational thinking and then started asking myself is this an irrational thought. I almost like I labled things to remeber what I did and what I thought. The worst thing for me is that me and my wife were planningt to have kids and now because of this its been put off because my wife wants me to focus on getting better. Thanks to you as well Angie! I aslo wondering did anyone lose their confidence. I feel like I lost all of it and Dont know how I should be.

  176. ,Candie Says:

    Hi katy- i still stand by what i say… anxiety makes you think the worst of every thought, feeling.. situation etc… all the adrenalin is preparing us for something bad to happen- a false apprehension of fear.

    John… the diagnosis of Obsessive Compulsive Hypochondriosis sounds like a load of crap to me! I am no psychologist but everyone i know with anxiety self diagnose themself with all the physical and mental symtoms of other illnesses…. its just what an anxious mind does, scans and concludes with the worst possible outcomes- i wouldnt see it as some seperate illness that you have to overcome as it will fix itself when the anxiety clears up. It is easy to become obsessive with something when we have anxiety, its natural to want to control it and put it all into perspective….. thats why we end up like we do… as we are naturally made to fight and protect ourself…. even if in the case of anxiety it is the wrong thing to do.

    A bit of advice for everyone, if you are diagnosed with an anxiety disorder- it doesnt matter which one… beleive me i show symptoms of GAD, OCD, Panic Disorder, Social Anxiety…… all symptoms and habits of my anxiety…. not as some Doctors think the cause. I am close to recovery now- so just go with it and dont worry about figuring out the category of symptoms you fall into- as i feel labels hold a stigma which can really cause lack of confidence.

  177. john Says:

    Candie, Thank you…im actually crying with joy…im so relieved…i thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thanks for putting it in simple terms for me. this anxiety is something I never had..its like being in uncharted waters. I always had the idea if I ever get sick I will always have my mind and I will always know who I am. this seemed to go out the window when this all happened. I Thank you so much.

  178. JR Says:

    wanted to pop in real quick to tell everyone that my anxiety/dp is fading in leaps and bounds. I’m having extended periods with very little anxiety/dp. I’ve even told my wife I can’t believe how wonderful and easy relaxed, normal living is…hahaha. I still have a road ahead of me, but the light is in clear sight. I’ve realized what setbacks are and how to get through them, by letting them be there. I’ve learned to accept, and although extremely hard at first, it has sunken in and is becoming second-nature.

    The last week the feeling of love has come back and it is so amazing. Sometimes I just sit and smile when these feelings come because it’s been soooo long since I’ve felt them.

    Everyone read and re-read Paul’s book, it is the way home.

    Paul you’ve given me my life back. I’m forever grateful.

  179. Dean Says:

    hi candie and angie

    Candie you are right i really look at these foods and just want to grab it off the shelf or wherever and just eat it and the temptation is really intense sometimes,but i dont know why i just cant bring myself to do it,and i really dont have the money to go see all these docters and go have tests done to see if im allergic to what type of foods,and its all because of reading an article somewhere of nuts and tuna that they can give you a bad reaction and send your body in to shock and could result in death.Now thats whats scared me so much into not eating these particular foods,an thats what im struggling with so much.

    Angie,you are right about that anxiety intensifies your fears 100 fold and even you irrational ones just a bit sensitive to wheat and i think gluten and certain dairy products.i just start to get a running nose and sneeze alot,but thats basically it,but eat those foods anyway because i really enjoy them and would struggle a bit to give them up.and just to change my diet and find alternatives is just such a mission and a bit expensive and when it not available an the other food that you sensitive too is what do you do?you have to eat it or you thats also one of the things im also having to deal the other foods that are ok for me arent always at my disposal.sorry to go on like this,but this blog really helps me get things off my chest.

    Anyway you all have a fantastic day.


    P.s it just seems at the moment that im sensitive to everything i put in my mouth these days.

  180. Scarlet Says:

    John I am a psychologist (child) and I have never heard of that label. IMO I find lables very unhelpful. I probably would have been labeled, an obsessive hypochondriac with GAD and with major depressive disorder, OCD, suicidal tendencies…. you name it, and it would have frightened me half to death at the beginning of my illness, “despite being a psychologist”. From what I have read of your story, you have an anxiety disorder..just like I had, and I promise you from the bottom of my heart, whatever they call it, you can recover fully from it.

    When I had my first panic attack after my docs visit, I had dp for the next week and that’s when I started thinking I might be schizophrenic, bipolar (like you)… you name it, and of course I googled every symptom, and I had loads of them. Of course it made me worse because some of the symtoms can apply to 50 different disorders. You have come a long way and if you follow Pauls advice fully and stop googling for a while, I bet my bottom dollar you will be a hell of a lot better in a few months, and looking forward to building your nest ;-). As for losing your confidence, mine hit rock bottom and I had to build myself up again. You will build it up, but you have to push yourself to do things a bit, go places, meet people (depsite feeling no emotion or innappropriate emotion at times). Allow yourself only one hour of googling a day, if that,, and resist googling symptoms (I know this will be hard, but do try)…

    Katy, You are having a setback that’s all hun, let it be, it will pass and you will have more good times. Recovery is bumpy but one thing for sure is that the good times increase in duration as time passes. A week free of anxiety is well on the way. You will doubt yourself until you have built your confidence up more, and the more down times you bounce back from, the more your confidence will improve. As for Wills Book, I think it’s a great book for those who are 75%+ recovered, it sort of puts the final loose ends in place (did for me), but had I read it when I was suffering ‘dp’ and during the first 6 months or so of my anxiety, it probably wouldn’t have made much sense.

    Candie, I have been well since last Xmas /Jan 2008 time. By Feb I’d say I was fully back to ‘normality’ . Lasted about 20 months or so for me, but the first 3-6 months were by far the worst then after the first year it had subsided a lot and then I was up and down for a while. Mind you whilst I was suffering especially during the first year, it felt like a lifetime I can tell you.
    Now I look back on it all, it seems to have gone extremely fast.

    Back soon


  181. Stephen Says:

    Hey everyone,

    I go oversease in about 3 weeks for a family xmas holiday and this is putting huge pressure on me to get better. I am so worried that i will feel horrbile the whole time and it always is in the back of my mind. When i feel anxious i feel upset and kinda down and aggitated cuz i think its back and feel bad again. When i feel ok i think next time i feel bad i will just accept and move on and it will be fine, however when the moments come i just feel like someone has pushed me off the recovery path. Any advice for leading up to my holiday? and will time away help me to feel better and take my mind of it?


  182. Scarlet Says:

    Stephen, I went on holiday at the height of my suffering and I had many good days, and in the end was glad I went. My advice to you would be to not think about it now, try to adopt a ‘whatever will be will be attitude’, You do NOT need to be better for this holiday, going on holiday will help with your recovery immensly, so don’t feel that you must be better beforehand, as this is too much pressure. Look on this holiday as a brain re-training excercise, and aim to participate as much as possible (no matter how you feel). You are bound to have some down times amongst the good times, let these times ride out.

    It’s true that when you have a setback you can feel as if you have never recovered an iota, this is the way you will feel right up to the end… but believe me you are recovering nicely, I can tell ;-), so go enjoy your holiday without analysing it beforehand..

  183. Candie Says:

    I’v never herd of that one either Scarlett- seems Doctors are concentrating on differentiating the symptoms and treating them rather then the cause. If you think about it its the same when we have a cold aswell, they give us medication to ease the symptoms but we cant go in and be given a magic pill to cure us of the cold. Thats why Pauls method of recovery works… as it treats the cause(bad nerves etc) not the symptoms.

    Iv had all the what ifs with other illnesses too – its natural for an anxious mind to conclude with the worst outcome of symptoms- but everyone should understand this is something that will subside and fix itself and you dont need to see it as an obstacle and seperate illness.

  184. Scarlet Says:

    I agree wholeheartedly Candie, and because symptoms are transient, and some issues may be worse one week and subside another, and even completely disappear another, beiing replaced by yet another issue another week, it’s unhelpful for the docs to label any anxiety disorder and be so specific. They would have to see you every week to change the disorder.

    I am mod on a Post Natal Depression forum and obsessive thoughts are one of the main issues as well as anxiety and depression, and docs these days are diagnosing PND with OCD… This is frightening the ladies in that they think they have a further disorder to recover from, when they don’t actually, they have an anxiety disorder caused by the birth of their baby… and obsessive thoughts about harming their babies or the health of their babies are part of that, they do not have a seperate disorder.

    State of Mind is so fragile with anxiety disorders, that labelling of this kind perpetuates anxiety symptoms imo, and people start believing they have too many things to recover from. I had ALL the symptoms of so many things folks on here have mentioned, and went to a lovely psychiatrist who told me I had an anxiety disorder (nothing more), had he told me I had this that and t’other disorder/issue, I would have been 10 times worse.


  185. mike Says:

    hello everyone.
    the first time anxiety hit me was back in nov 05. really didnt know what was happening to me and it was a really scary time cause all of a sudden this thing was taking over me. the doc advised i had anxiety, chemical inbalance in my brain. i was totally confused didnt know what this meant and just thought i was improving with the meds i was on.
    then this time around i have found this site and introduced to pauls ways to beat anxiety. i just feel there is not enough awareness out there re this condition. you go to the doc etc and i feel you are none of the wiser when you come out. the councillor i was seeing earlier in the summer told me about pauls book because he to had anxiety bad at one time. im just so glad he did because if he hadnt i would probably still be on medication scratching my head wondering why it was me who feels like this. like you jr i am a good stage of recovery and i put that down to paul and everybody on the blog who give the best advice re anxiety there is out there.

  186. Stephen Says:

    Hi scarlet,

    You make so much sense on here, thanks for replying to my post so quickly, yer your right im not going to let my feelings alter my holiday if i feel good, bad, average, or just weird im going to sight see, drink cocktails, shop and enjoy being away. Scarelt its really weird because when i feel bad right and im fearing say depression which i do i feel down, but if im fearing something like say going crazy i feel bad still but not down. like its this one anxious feeling i get but i can change it into what ever im fearing and make it feel like it. If this makes any sense to you. lol

    You would be an excellent psycologist because you know what its like and what needs to be done. Plus you can really talk to people and get the right points arcoss, very rare qualities that are found these days haha. Psycologists who havent experienced things like this are kinda useless to me as i am forever saying “How would you know”? lol. Some of the ones at my uni have mad me feel better for like aday and are good to talk to de-brief, but my progress is very much from everyone on this site. Hope your having a good day scarlet,


  187. Candie Says:

    OMG…. it is shocking to know mothers suffering PND are being labelled as OCD aswell- my friend had PND and convinced herself she would harm her child too… she got better eventually. Its a discrace that women are made to think they have allsorts of illnesses when intrusive thoughts are very common with depression and anxiety. I refused to see anyone other then my Doctor as i just new treating my symptoms as seperate illnesses would make me much worse!

    Hope everyone is having a nice day- im of to McDonalds soon mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!

  188. Eva Says:

    Paul, what a fantastic site for people who suffer from anxiety – it’s so encouraging to see that people can make a full recovery. But I wonder if you would be able to do a bit on your site with advice for people who want to support anxiety sufferers please?

    I am married to the most wonderful, loving, kind, funny and confident man who is currently going through a terrible period of anxiety. He has suffered on and off with panic attacks and anxiety for several years but has never been this bad before. He has been unable to work for 3 months now and virtually any contact with other people makes him feel anxious and panicky. He can only leave the house if he is pretty certain he will not have to speak to anyone or if I am with him.

    I have been reading your site now for several weeks, trying to find the best way to help him through this. I am hoping that by posting this on here someone who has suffered themselves might be able to advise me how best to handle this.

    I gather that the way forward is to gently expose himself to the problem situations, to feel the fear and see it through and to keep doing this until the anxiety eventually subsides and the problem will eventually go away. I think though at the moment he is taking the pills the doctor gave him and waiting for the anxiety to go away on its own. I understand it must be horrendous to have to put yourself in situations where you will feel such terror and I can see why he is reluctant to put himself through it. But from what I have read on here, it seems to me that it will not go away on its own or just with pills and that he does actively need to tackle it by de-sensitizing himself. Is this right? Should I actually encourage him to put himself in difficult situations or should I just leave him to do it in his own time? I’m concerned that the longer he waits the harder it will get and the more frustrated and depressed he is getting as he feels he is not getting any better. And what’s the best way to deal with a panic attack if it happens when I am with him? What do I say or do? I don’t want to make things worse for him or put him under any pressure whatsoever, I only want to point him in the right direction to recovery.

    It is so sad to see such a lovely, intelligent, energetic and outgoing person so totally down on his knees and so despondent. I so badly want to help him feel better and to get his confidence, his happiness and his life back.

  189. lorryt Says:

    hi eva

    really sorry to hear about your current situation, i totally understand. My hubby was exactly the same but he was supporting me.ALl i can say is for the supporters you are the greatest people and very strong caring and compassionate. Without your support and love your hubby probably would not be able to get out of this horrid place i call anxiety. I cant really give you any advice, other than to get pauls book, get him to read it, and read it amd re read it. As ffor suporting him that is all you can do, listen , console and be there. he will recover but it does take time. he can get loads of support from here, everyone here is going throuhg it or has recovered. try and point him in the direction of this blog, it really helped me and gave me hope that i will get there.

    all the best and keep on being there, your hubby will understand that one day it will just go once he begins to face things.xxxxxxxxxxxxx

  190. selma Says:

    ok, i just need to know if anyone deals with this symptom. it’s one of my last ones to go and i am having so much trouble with it. i’ll be having a semi-normal day and then suddenly while doing something completely random, i will get this out of the blue thought that i will never change, this will always be there, and i’ll always suffer. and then i feel like a sense that i am trapped in my own mind and can’t get out. it’s like a desperate, terrible sensation that really troubles me. then i’ll keep thinking about it for a while afterward and winder what would happen if i had this thought all the time. one of my biggest fears is winding up suicidal and like trapped in a mental institution, and that is how i picture myself. i have never contemplated suicide and would never ever do it. it’s not like a suicidal thought, but more like a feeling that i am so trapped and want to escape my own body, like fall into a deep sleep or knock myself out. does that make sense? it is so scary, and i really need some reassurance.

  191. Paul David Says:

    Eva Quoted: But I wonder if you would be able to do a bit on your site with advice for people who want to support anxiety sufferers please?

    Eva the whole site is getting a mass overhaul soon, information will be updated, more info, hopefully in the next 3 months. Its a long job, but I promise I will include something for people who have partners who suffer, you tend to just get the sufferer googling, but on occasions it is family who are so desperate they do it for them. So I promise I will add something on this, it is in my book, but would be good to cover on the site.

    As Lorry says it can hit the parnter as hard as the sufferer, both feel isolated and unable to find proper help, seeing a loved one suffer and not know what to do is hard. My mother and partner were great, I always said ‘I know you don’t understand, just believe me’. Having your support Eva is very important, just be there, listen and don’t judge. I hate to say it but before I suffered I was one of those that did not believe in conditions like anxiety. They were work dodgers, hypochondriacts, weak. Nothing could be furthur from the truth, I had an email from a doctor only last week asking for help, nurses, business men, all desperate for help, suffering in silence as they think people will ridicule, not understand, think they are crazy. This is why so many suffer in silence.

    I am not sure if you have read the book, if you have not that is your choice, I don’t push it on anyone, but it will explain so much to him. The main site has 20 pages of information, the blog has some wonderful, helpful people on. I try and spend as much time as I can here, but sometimes its hard, but I always try to not be a faceless person behind a site and get on as much as I can.

    On your husband and helping him. The more you learn the easier things get, so many people who first arrived here have come so far, it really is like learning a new subject. There is no one sentance that can make it all go away, your husband needs a bit of time, that’s the first rule, ‘don’t spend your day trying to rid yourself of anxiety’, this will have the opposite effect. He needs to say ‘O.k I have anxiety its o.k, now its time to get better’. Anxiety is not an illness, its your body saying you have overworked me, it needs a break. What many people do is the opposite, they don’t give themselves a break, they worry about this new feeling, get frustrated by it, fight it, feel sorry for themselves, question it all, they work there bodys even harder when all it wants is a break, they actually do the opposite, they then feel worse so fight harder, worry more, get more bewildered, worry they are going crazy, the list goes on and on and this is the only reason people stay in the cycle and in most cases initialy get worse. You say below

    I gather that the way forward is to gently expose himself to the problem situations, to feel the fear and see it through and to keep doing this until the anxiety eventually subsides and the problem will eventually go away.

    Yes living your life as normal as possible and just having a ‘whatever’ attitude to how you feel will help. Accept you may feel awful, your mind might work overtime, its o.k, its not about banishing symptoms, its changing your attitude to them. He wont get better if he exposes himself to anxiety but yet still worrys about it, lets it dominate his day, fights it, gets frustrated by it.

    I think though at the moment he is taking the pills the doctor gave him and waiting for the anxiety to go away on its own.

    You quote: Thats the problem doctors only know pills, they don’t know how to treat anxiety properly, I foolishly trusted my doctor and the pills prescribed to me. I never improved until I actually understood what was wrong with me, until I understood why I felt like I did and what was keeping me in the cycle.

    Your husband really would be far better coming on here an reading the info on my site, it is hard passing information on to him, it really has to come from him. I had a massive thirst for knowledge in my worst days, I just wanted to get better, to learn so much more. Its hard to put everything down here in one post, so hopefully your husband will be able to look at the site, read the book if he wishes and really begin to help himself. But I can only give you credit for being there for him, I know it can be hard at times.


  192. Paul David Says:

    Just to catch up with some other posts. Scarlet is right when she says ‘its re-training the brain’ As she said she went from the habit of ‘avoidance, hiding away’ to thinking ‘sod it, the way forward is to do things, live my life and however I feel then so be it’. She did exactly what I did, avoidance of symtoms and letting anxiety rule what I did was training me that it was something to fear, to avoid at all costs. So I did the opposite and created a new habit of going out, living my life and then it just became me, I had re-trained my brain into knowing nothing was wrong. Yes there are some ups and downs along the way, its all part of the process, the gradual change.

    On Wills book that was mentioned above. Will is a friend of mine and someone I got to know a few years ago through us both helping people. Will is one of the rare breed of people who helps because they want to, he is a lovely genuine person. His book I found interesting, a lot read it on here, some liked it and some found it hard to understand. Its just if anyone is thinking of buying it, the ebook is very cheap and would be the better option, just in case its not for you.

    Anyway to finish I will have another post up later this week, the blog is getting very busy recently with 3 figure replys to nearly every post, which is a testament to the people here and its good to see so many get something for it.

    I am thinking of what to cover in my next post, it will be something we have not covered before and hopefully people will get something out of it. I do one of two things, I either think we have got that point home now and we can move on to something else or I cover a subject that keeps coming up. I did the off topic as sometimes its good to get to know people better and a break from the subject and a smile can be just a good a tonic.


  193. James Says:

    Hi there, I am having a really bad few days, i think it is due to the fact that my wedding is on the horizon and is the one thing that has really bothered me through my anxiety period.
    I keep having horrible thoughts that i wont be able to go through with it on the day which is awful becasue before my anxiety started i was really looking forward to it.
    Stephen, i also go away in December for 3 weeks and that too is bothering me. The strange thing is, i dont really have physical symptoms bar sweating but am having racing thoughts and cant control them. This is really hindering my recovery and i do feel like i could have a breakdown at any moment. Any advice anyone?

  194. selma Says:

    James, i went through the same exact thing. i got married on june 28. only as the bride, i had so much pressure in that i organized the whole thing too! (which might be the case for you, who knows!) weddings are just stressful events. i told myself that if i had terrible anxiety my whole day, oh well. i woke up that day (after little sleep), had bad anxiety and thoughts and then the second those doors opened and the ceremony started i didn’t care about the anxiety. my thoughts were still racing but i didn’t care. having your family and friends around you is the best thing for you. trust me, you can go through a wedding day with anxiety. i did! and you know what…it was the best day of my life!

  195. selma Says:

    James. let me also say that i spent about 6 months before the wedding anticipating the anxiety i might have on that day. i thought i would have a breakdown too! afterwards, i laughed at all that time wasted. wouldn’t it be better off to just wake up that day and see how you feel and take it from there? try not to focus so much on that day, but rather the things you are planning and doing TODAY.

  196. Sam Says:

    Hey James & Paul,

    I had 3 good weeks and the past 2 days i feel the stomach pains (nerves) + tingling feeling on my face and hands… The difference is that i still pay a little attention to them + now i laugh @ them too…3 months and a half and i am seeing my doc friday to tell him to cut my pills in half…Why?? Because i truely believe that this site can help more than pills…everybody as the same side effects almost and people like Scarlet and Paul etc give you the postive direction u need…I hear that time is the most important thing to have but when u get 3 weeks of good days then you fall off the wagon so to say…its hard to be positive…


  197. James Says:

    Selma, that is really positive, thanks. Yeah we have organised and paid for pretty much all of it and i have had work pressures, exams, credit crunch etc to deal with which will not have helped so i can see why my body has given up. I like you have been focusing on the wedding since my anxiety began so am making it into a problem it need not be. It is tough tho.


  198. Katy Says:

    Thanks Candie and Scarlett
    I just needed to be reminded I guess. Its just so easy when im having a good few days and i can think rationally and think i can deal with it next time round. I would say i am 75 % recovered, just a few things I am still avoiding and putting off , mainly the driving and crowds. I enjoy the good days so much so therefore put those things off to prevent that awful feeling. But I guess by doing that im keeping it alive in the background.
    Eva, your husband is so lucky to have you. I have had to deal with this alone and most of my friends dont get it so i dont even discuss it with them. If I hadnt found this site I dont know what I wouldve done. This really is the best place for him.
    i’m going to buy Wills book.
    Thanks again everyone on the blog.

  199. John Says:

    Thanks SO MUCH SCARLET! Now i feel like I can get over it! You are my angel! I actually believe I can be Dad again and that means so much to me. SO MUCH! THANK YOU SCARLET! THANK YOU!
    I been to therapy and my therapist called an anxiety disorder a disease. I felt awful. I could see why they call it an illness like Paul put it..Its like a cold and then we get better. You are right when my psychatrist said that I freaked out. It did make it 10 times worse. I glad I found this site, because I felt so alone because all the anxiety suffers were thinking they had some kind of physical illness but then I have to remeber that this is how it started…with the doctor telling me I might have multiple sclerosis and then my dr prescribing me xanax without me asking and then I thought I dont have an anxiety problem why is he giving me these pills and then when I went to the neurologist to see if I had MS she saw xanax on the fill out sheet and I was crying after she said I didnt have it and said I need some other kind of help meaning psychological. I left the office happy but kept wondering why she said I needed help and thats when my mind went into overdrive..My wife is a nurse so she said I should take the pills and I did even though I didnt and then looked at the side effects and on on I went. its funny how all my life I could give out advice to other people but after the anxiety hit I cant seem to accept my own advice. And to everyone else it is the right path I had thoughts of buying a lure for fishing yesterday and the happiness that came along with it even though it was only for a moment. I also went to see james bond movie with a few thoughts.
    Scarlett Thats exactly it, its the labeling. I remeber when I didnt have anxiety and thinking I gonna jump off this building but it wasnt scary or I felt like splashing water in someones face and it didnt bother me. It was when I was told by in my nursing psych class that people have irrational thoughts that I started labeling them and I really think thats when the seeds of anxiety got thrown in. Its the labeling of this anxiety like scarlet said. It makes complete sense!

  200. kamini Says:

    Hi Everyone

    I am deeply stucked at the moment and REALLY need your help. Well I am almost recovered and practicing acceptance well. When i experience tricky thoughts, i use to say ” PLAY YOUR TRICKS ANXIETY”. But i dont know how, out of the blue, once when i was saying PLay your tricks, another thought just popped into my mind – what does play your tricks mean?

    Now everytime i am saying play your tricks, it is accompanied by the thought what does play your tricks mean? This has affected me for one full week and i have let it dominate me. i have started to look for answers. i Now i think that i need to change the term, but don’t you feel that by doing this i am avoiding anxiety? please tell me what should i do? and what to do when i am saying play your tricksand it is again and again accompanied by the thought what does play your tricks mean? I really want to look for answers when this happens?

    Please Paul, Candie, Scarlet, help me, it’s my final hurdle to recovery?

  201. Scarlet Says:


    Great that you were able to go to a movie last night. You go get your fishing gear. As I mentioned to Stephen you have to look at all these activities, hobbies, outings, parties, shopping, housework 😉 as brain re-training excercises, i.e training your brain out of your ‘anxiety’. it doesn’t matter if you only have 10 mins of relief during the movie, at the shops etc…or even two minutes, becasue you are investing now for bigger returns later. You don’t see your money accumulating at first so to speak, but the more you practice, the richer you get (full recovery yipeeee!!!!!). This is how it works, never think it’s in vain, even if you have no emotion when doing an activity, that’s the mistake I made at first, thinking to myself ‘I made the effort and felt no different’. If you think like this you are apt to give up. Sometimes you have to literally force yourself to go to the shops, but do it anyway, if you have thoughts the whole time, so be it, you probably wouldn’t notice odd seconds/minutes of relief anyway… but it’s all adding up.

    As for labels, I bet you everyone on here whilst suffering anxiety, has been an hypochondriac at one time, so it is not necessary to make it a seperate disorder. IMO you do not have obsessive hypochondriosos. Same with paranoia, or being obsessive, I suffered them all myself particularly at the beginning of my illness. It all goes under the umbrella of ‘anxiety disorder’.. As for it being a disease, well what can I say :-O Soon if they tell you, you have “Hopping leg disease, whilst singing if I were a rich man syndrome”, you won’t care less. Hope this raised a titter 😉


    Change your term hun, it doesn’t matter, you are not avoiding anything. As long as you are learning to cut off after the initial thought and not let it go any further, it doesn’t matter what term you use. I used to say to myself, sorry thought, but I am not going to take you any further becasue I know it won’t get me anywhere, that and ‘p*** off” used to work for me. After a while it will become automatic and you won’t have to say anything.

    Hoep everyone is having a good day,

    Back later

  202. Dean Says:

    hi Paul

    Is it possible you could do a post on foods and allergies?i just seem to be struggling with that alot these days and cant seem to pass that hurdle.if you can though no pressure,but it would be nice to relate to other people with the same situation as me.

    keep up the good work on this site.


  203. alex Says:

    hello everyone. i was hoping to get the opinion and advice of anyone kind enough to want to help:

    i started suffering from anxiety last year in october. the first three months i had no idea what was going on with me i felt bad for myself and was very scared i might stay in it forever. several months passed by unitl i started accepting that was how i was. i stopped obsessing and thinking about it and got better quickly. before i knew it summer came along and i had fully recovered! was the most amazing feeling ever! (i did not know it was anxiety i just discovered this site and read the book last month which explained it all to me)

    now summer finished and since mid september i have been pulled back into this horrible ocean of anxiety and cannot stop obsessing about it! I FEEL LIKE I INEVITABLY HAVE TO GO THROUGH ANOTHER COUPLE OF MONTHS OF SUFFERING like i had to last time in order to once again start improving. i find it so much harder to accept this time and cant stop obsessing, thinking and talking about it. i fought it once and now have to go through it all again! its only been 2 months now and Paul says the shorter uve been in it the faster u get out but i feel like im back at square 1. is this true ?

    All the best to everyone!


  204. Scarlet Says:


    It’s great that your husband has such a supportive wife, no doubt that he is going to make a full recovery. I made the mistake myself of not going out of the house for the best part of a year. In hindsight this was a huge mistake, had I faced my fears earlier on, perhaps my recovery wouldn’t have been so long (20 months). He needs to be exposed to as many social situations as possible.

    I remember reading about this doctor who was treating phobias and he said that to eliminate a phobia, average exposure is around 15 times. I remember being afraid of crossing this 6 lane carriageway outside of our house, and I was petrified I might push my babys pram in the road, and for a long time I avoided it, but one day I made the effort to get across with my baby, and I panicked, had heart palpitations and felt the urge to go back home, but I kept on walking (I was alone, my hubby wasn’t very supportive), and everyday for a couple of weeks I made myself cross this road, I became more confident each time, by around the 15th time (or there abouts), I feared it no more.

    Same with the shops in the town, one day I had a huge panic attack in the pharmacy with my two kids, and had to get out of the shop and go home, the next day I was back there again, and after a few weeks I was going shopping without so many worries. Your husband can do this with social situations, perhaps first accompany him to the local shop, even the garden to chat to the neighbour if he isn’t up to that stage yet. You have to build it up so that he is fully confident to face any social situation on his own…only then will he have his confidence and his life back. I am 100% sure he can do it, and with your help he will be there much quicker. He must not sit at home waiting for the pills to work.

    If you need any further help, we are always here, better still get your hubby to come chat to us and we will help him, spur him on a little bit 😉



  205. Scarlet Says:

    “Quote” Dean “reading an article somewhere of nuts and tuna that they can give you a bad reaction and send your body in to shock and could result in death.Now thats whats scared me so much into not eating these particular foods,an thats what im struggling with so much”.

    Dean I can see you are struggling a bit, and I think you really need to get over this first hurdle. You say that you have become more anxious after reading an article, now that’s a surprise 😉

    I have never heard of people going into shock after eating tuna, this must be extremely rare.. I think you know deep down that you must face your fear to be fully rid of this anxiety you have about certain foods, and the propect that you might have an allergic reaction, so this is what I would do: Get a good friend or family member to stay with you for a couple of hours, go get some tuna and eat a teaspoon. If you are going to have an allergic reaction (which I am sure you aren’t, you just think you are), then within 20 mins or so you will know. Do this with each food you are afraid of eating. For the first couple of occasions make sure you are accompanied when eating the food you fear, and then gradually start eating the food alone, perhaps the first couple of times in a cafe where there are people around.

    Do you think it would be possible for you to overcome the fear you have in this way?


  206. Candie Says:

    Scarlett that sounds like a very good way to me, im sure doing that will help Dean overcome his fear. Dean, without sounding harsh…. you need to stop searching for that one piece of information that will clarify your fear and help you eat the foods. The thing is it sounds like the fear of eating them foods is just another what if anxiety thought…. we all have them on here, irrational as they are they can be very scary. I am guessing by now you have got into the habit of analysing yourself every time you eat…. looking to see if it causes anxiety. Now there will never be no piece of information that will get rid of that fear, you can only take advice from it and put into practice what you have learnt. You need to eat these foods now, say so what to all the anxiety that accompanies them and have a whatever attitude. I am telling you this as you have struggled with this for a while now and i really feel moving towards your fears will help you, like it has me :)

    Have a lovely day everyone

  207. mike Says:

    hello everyone,
    eva. my wife was like yourself, she really wanted to help me to get back to how i was before anxiety hit. i would definately tell your husband to have a look round the site and look at the blog because the people on here are the biggest god send there can be re anxiety.
    i was off work for 10 weeks and since i have found the site (may time) id say i am 85-90% there, off medication and wanting to help others who are at earlier stage with anxiety.
    see you later everyone.x

  208. lisa Says:

    hi everyone,im sooooooo pleased to be back.big hello to the new people and my friend candie my blue rinse…full of cold at the moment ,house coming along nicely.hope you had a nice holiday paul.:-)

  209. Paul David Says:

    Hello Lisa nice to have you back…….Holiday was awful but hey ho, you live and learn and I wont be going back there or at that time of the year again. Glad your move went o.k, stressful times I know. Yes a few new faces since you were last on, so wipe your feet and come join us again : )

    Hope your cold is better soon Acchhooooooooo

  210. lisa Says:

    yes was very stressful moving but got on and did it. got another big challenge to deal with very testing but know il come through it,like you say the more knowledge you have you can get through anything. looking forward to your new post,please dont forget the acceptance post i mentioned a few months ago,i think it would help quite a few on here when reading their to blow my nose now and gargle with salt n water yuk!!!! :-)

  211. Eva Says:

    Hi everyone,

    Thank you so much to all you kind people who replied to my post. I’m going to get the book Paul, I’m sure it will help us both – even if he is reluctant to discuss or read anything to do with anxiety right now, the time will come when he will be tempted to pick it up and in the meantime it will help me have a better understanding of it and how to deal with it.

    Thanks so much for being so positive and welcoming. I know he will get through it but your kind comments are really encouraging! Good luck to all of you and thanks again

  212. James Says:

    I am really at a loose end. I thought i was nearly home and dry with my anxiety recovery, now i am in a more fearful state than ever. I cant stop my mind from churning about my wedding/honeymoon/new job. I feel like i am about to have a complete mental breakdown. Can this happen?

    It all started in July, i had it diagnosed and after 3 weeks off, i went back to work, went back to playing football, socialising and despite nigling anxiety was feeling so much better. Now i am overcome by worry, not sleeping for the first time in months and feel like i am about to be sectioned. Is this caused by the stress in my life, my dabbling with soft drugs as a teenager? my upbringing? Will i ever get my happy go lucky/care free life back?

    I have not taken any medication at all and see this as a step back if i did. I dont know what to do. I was really looking forward to my wedding earlier in the year, now i live like a ghost in a fantasy world. I thought i was over the worst of it, what is going on? Am i a lost cause, culd i end up going totally loopy?

    I am sure from previous posts you will acknowledge just how far i have fallen. AAAARRGHHH!

  213. Candie Says:

    James- this is a setback! you are not going loopy, you can sit and threat and think you are but anxiety never sent anyone round the bend. things will clear up again, they always do

  214. Candie Says:

    Welcome back Lisa…. about time too eh! catch up when ya next on msn x x

  215. Sam Says:

    James ,

    Look around July i got my anxiety too…3 months like u and i was good for 3 weeks and now well the last 2 days i feel not so good…but i try to think of the 3 weeks i had to encourage myself…Look i got married last year and on that day nerves will get you through good time for anxiety…that day will fly by so enjoy your day then the honeymoon well finally you will relax and give your body the attention it needs..because i am sure u are running and thinking alot for the wedding which is stress but think about it when its all done and said wow you will be back….

    Anyone, when setbacks occur will they be less hard to deal with the next setback….i usually get my stomach in pain + its hard to eat or have a appetiate..????

    PS: i smoke cigerettes but i know i cant stop now will go crazy but i do not drink hard stufff because of pills!!!

  216. James Says:

    Thanks Candie & Sam, i appreciate your positivity, i just feel like everything is getting too much. The thing is, i cant stop researching anxiety and its killing me, its awful, like a drug, with worse effects.

    I feel like i need medication now just to cope over the coming weeks, its insane, I AM INSANE. Although everyone i have spoken to says i have an anxiety condition which needs nothing more than behavioural change to resolve it. I feel like i am destined to be one of te unlucky ones plagued forever. The thing is, i was reading a book by Claire Weekes the other day and it kept talking about people recovering from nervous breakdown, which i thought i was, and now it feels like i am heading towards one.

  217. selma Says:

    ok, i just need to know if anyone deals with this symptom. it’s one of my last ones to go and i am having so much trouble with it. i’ll be having a semi-normal day and then suddenly while doing something completely random, i will get this out of the blue thought that i will never change, this will always be there, and i’ll always suffer. and then i feel like a sense that i am trapped in my own mind and can’t get out. it’s like a desperate, terrible sensation that really troubles me. then i’ll keep thinking about it for a while afterward and winder what would happen if i had this thought all the time. one of my biggest fears is winding up suicidal and like trapped in a mental institution, and that is how i picture myself. i have never contemplated suicide and would never ever do it. it’s not like a suicidal thought, but more like a feeling that i am so trapped and want to escape my own body, like fall into a deep sleep or knock myself out. does that make sense? it is so scary, and i really need some reassurance.

  218. John Says:

    Hey Scarlett, Thanks again for your encouragement. I feel like I made more progress from reading your words then I have in the past few weeks. I had a great day today at a senior center giving blood pressures as part of community care for school. It was great i forgot about everything and was just focused completly on nursing. WoW! I studied for 2 hours straight and just focused on the material…before I would read for a few minutes and my mind would go off in a tangent. I wish I would have heard your words from the beginning..but THANK God I am hearing them now! I cant stop thanking you. I have come on here and reread what you wrote over and over again just because it inspires me so much. If you ar ever New York and want to come to my graduation you are welcomed! Because of you I just may be a nurse yet!

  219. Annie Says:

    Hi Selma. Yes, I get that symptom. I just got it yesterday. It’s suffocating, isn’t it? If I let it, it can really pull me down. I’ve been reading Eckhart Tolle’s work for years, and when that feeling sweeps over me, sometimes I remember to think, “Oh look, there’s my pain body”. I try to stay very conscious and present with it, and just watch it. It disappears very quickly when I don’t identify it as “me”, but rather as just a thought that I’m having.

    I hope this helps. Please realize that you’re not alone with this, and having this thought/feeling doesn’t make you crazy or push you toward taking your own life.

  220. Scarlet Says:


    Glad to hear you had a good day yesterday, sounds like you had a good few hours of brain retraining 😉 , don’t worry if today you can’t manage as much, it goes like that…you don’t need to worry about one day having more good moments and another having less, as recovery is so haphazard, and you’ll never be able to work it out why you have more good moments one day and less another, you will get into a loop even trying to work it out (I tried it myself, “why did I have more good moments last week and this week I’m back to square I getting worse not better etc, etc”). If this type of thought comes into your head, then tell yourself that you are not going to analyse it and will just let it be….soon you will be able to just let it be without thinking about it, and then more good moments will come.

    Of course you will become a nurse, and you will be a damn good one. I think people who have suffered anxiety/depression and come through the other end make the best nurses, docs, psychologists, psychiatrists imo, they have more understanding and empathy and know what it’s like to have really suffered, they are in the best position to be able to help someone else.

    Go with the flow today, accept the thoughts, let them be in the background and try and throw yourself into some studying. You are doing great.



    “Although everyone i have spoken to says i have an anxiety condition which needs nothing more than behavioural change to resolve it. I feel like i am destined to be one of te unlucky ones plagued forever”.

    James you are not insane, you are having a setback, and everyone is right in saying you need a behavioural change. Set yourself a target, say that for the next hour I’m going to do something else on the computer and stop googling symptoms. When I was suffering I found a lovely site that told you how to make money in your spare time, which was full of great advice and info. Everytime I felt like googling my symptoms, I went to this website instead. I also went to downloading games/software sites for my son. What do you like doing on the computer James, (except googling symptoms), what interests you?? You have to replace your hobby for anxiety with a new hobby, that’s the way you have to look at it. Your day is consumed with searching for stuff to do with anxiety, you need a new focus/hobby… What do you do to fill your days?

    “It all started in July, i had it diagnosed and after 3 weeks off, i went back to work, went back to playing football, socialising and despite nigling anxiety was feeling so much better. Now i am overcome by worry, not sleeping for the first time in months and feel like i am about to be sectioned. Is this caused by the stress in my life, my dabbling with soft drugs as a teenager? my upbringing? Will i ever get my happy go lucky/care free life back?”

    Get back to playing football (no matter how you feel) and socialising. Forget about your wedding, this time next year you’ll be married and there’ll be other issues. Of course you will get your happy go lucky self back, (and you’ll be a wiser person, with more depth, having come through it 😉 ) James it can happen to ANYONE, so stop worrying how it all started. I never took drugs in my life, am married with a child and it happened to me when I got pregnant again. I have spoken to many many people who are/have suffered and they are ‘normal’ everyday folks.

    Try and occupy yourself with other stuff today as much as you can, you do not need to be sectioned, I thought this many times myself..and I bet a lot of others think this way as well… You can get through today, so ride it out, get the telly on, get yourself out and about and meeting others, distract yourself as much as possible, and if the thoughts come to you, just say to yourself…’you know what I can’t be bothered to analyse this at the moment, as I know it won’t get me anywhere’. if you have to say this 100 times today then do so..



    It makes perfect sense. I had thoughts like this as well. You are going to have to trust me on this and know that when you are recovered a wee bit more, you won’t feel like this. During setbacks you generally feel like this, that you will be trapped forever, but as your confidence increases, you will have less doubts and you will start to realise this is not true.


  221. samantha Says:

    hi selma

    i am exactly the same as you at the moment so dont despair i know how your feeling love

    samantha x

  222. Kamini Says:

    Hello Scarlet…

    Thanks for your reply. I am following your advice. I have changed the term. But still i get reminded of the other one (i know its only memory and will soon fade, when i will practice with this new term)

    You are so helpful. I like reading all your posts. You seem to be so confident. You are always here to help everyone. I don’t know if you are aware, but i am 2 months pregnant and it’s my first baby. Ok dear, leave the floor to others now.

    A few things about me. I am 25 years old. Working as Junior Analyst in a private company. I live in Mauritius. A small island situated in the Indian Ocean. Don’t know if you heard about it. But everybody who knows it refers it as paradise island. Its so beautiful here.

    Ok bye for now….

  223. James Says:

    Thanks Scarlet, i dont doubt you are correct in what you say. I think that because of the stress i am under at the minute my rational thinking which was central to my recovery has been blown out of the water a touch and i need some common sense to get me back on track. Thank you

  224. Candie Says:

    Hi everyone

    I have started an official government petition for better help and care to be provided by the medical proffesion. I know there are some really good doctors, but it is rare and in my eyes not good enough considering how rife this illness is. I’m not planning on changing the world, i know it would be hard to change the full system but if we can just show with this petition how unhappy we are with the treatment we receive…. ya never know we could change something! Yes its a long shot, but everyone has to start somewhere and a lot of the petitions i have viewed have being succesful and braught change.

    This is the link, if you scroll down to the bottom there is more information about the petition. If anyone feels effected by the issues raised then feel free to sign the petition :) Many thanks

  225. lisa Says:

    dean you really need to face this fear of tuna to move on with your life.go and make yourself a tuna sandwich,or tuna salad,and sit with the fear and eat it,what ever thoughts you have to let hem come and go same with the fear.invite them all in and eat the tuna.the more you do it your fear of tuna will go,dont think after one mouthful its still here you have to practise,you are the only one who can face this fear.the more you do it you will desensitise yourself,no one can do it for time you will laugh about it thinking my god was i really like that.its retraining your mind to stop fearing it.good luck. james,if you werent feeling anxious about getting married id be worried.will she turn up,will it rain,will the photos turn out ok,you cant stop the thoughts but you can let them come and go.go with the flow and post your photos on here we would love to see them,youl be saying when your big day is over all that fuss!!! hope everyone is ok.paul i forgot to mention sorry you lost your bet on big brother seems ages ago favourite to win the x factor is alex is anyone else watching it? :-)

  226. Adam Says:

    Hey Great idea about the petition signing it now! Now I have oe last final thing I can just accept horrible thoughts and the way im feling no problem. obviously I dont enjoy it but I can accept it. Now the final thing for me is a feeling of guilt of a few bad things I have done in the past. I am guessing the feeling of guilt is magnified as I am stilll quite sensitized? however with the thought should i treat it the same way as the unwanted irrational thoughts? should I just forgive myself and move on? should I apolagise to the person I wronged?



  227. mike Says:

    hello everyone.
    candie i will sign petition and think it is brilliant you have put it together. totally agree that the majority of the medical proffesion take an ignorant view when people are suffering with anxiety.
    adam regards feelings of guilt. i would just accept this the way you are accepting the horrible thoughts. i would leave things in the past if you cant do anything about them now just put it down to one of lifes experiences.
    lisa, i like having a little flutter now and again and would say get your money on jls about 4/1.
    have a good day candie ill sign that petition later x

  228. lisa Says:

    iv signed candie,well done babe.sorry mike jls not my cup of tea but we would be boring if we all liked the same..go alex!!!! adam you cant change your wrongs you just learn by them,youv recognised them which is good but then let them go,even if you feel sad or tearful youv put the emotion to the thought then let them go no point on holding on to them. there just a memory now. i sound like barry white with my cold :-)

  229. selma Says:

    oh, i have tears in my eyes. samantha, scarlet, annie- thank you so much for your encouraging words. i really needed to hear that right now. i have had a tough few days. i actually woke up in the middle of the night and had a terrible panic attack. i haven’t had a real panic attack like that in years. i was miserable. and i’m 5 months pregnant, so forget taking a xanax or anything. finally it leveled out and i fell back asleep but it is still lingering with me this morning a little bit. i am trying to really live in the “now” and not torture myself with thinking about it!

  230. Candie Says:

    Thanks for the support everyone, im going to try and spread the word about the petition and if you think you may know anyone else who would be interested in signing it could u let them know. Many thanks everyone :)

    As for the Xfactor, i soooooooo want Diana to win!

  231. mike Says:

    jls not my cup of tea either. that point came from a pure betting point of view. what do britain need at the minute in the music industry????? a new boy band.

  232. Adam Says:

    Thanks I thinkyou are right there is not much I can do about it and reacting to the thought and mulling it over just makes it come back more. I will learn from this and I know I would never doing anyhting of the sort again. So i guess it will ease with time just not seeing it as such a huge mistake but a chance to learn :-) thank you all.


  233. Paul David Says:

    Well you went through with it Candie, your one determined lady : )

    Just a quick visit to say a new post will be up on Monday, I was going to try and do it today but have got behind a bit.

    Hope everyone has a nice weekend


  234. Annie Says:

    Scarlet, I know how you feel. I have two children, ages 5 and 7. Although I experienced PAs for eight years (not all that frequently), two years ago I slipped into GAD very badly. All day, everyday. I came out of it by following the advice of Dr. Claire Weekes (and no meds). Then earlier this year, it started up again. I see now what I could have done differently to nip it in the bud right from the beginning. I guess I had to learn it the hard way!

    One of my biggest stumbling blocks is exercising. I hated the shortness of breath, and I had a terrible PA at the gym years ago. After that PA, that was the only time I ever went to the Emergency Room for panic (I’m a nurse and was too embarrassed to go to the hospital!). Anyway, about four weeks ago my friend Mara asked me to start running with her. Showing up at the gym was such an effort. I actually started crying on the treadmill because I wasn’t just anxious, I was terrified. Well, I stayed instead of running away. Today I ran four miles! I feel so much better from the exercise, and now, when I have shortness of breath outside of the gym, I can remember my exercise sessions and really know that nothing bad is happening.

  235. JR Says:

    candie…what a great idea! I’m going to look for something similar over here in the states. The UK seems to be more advanced in anxiety treatment than the US. All the doctors over hear just want to give you medication. I’ll definitely sign the petition, but I may not be able to.

  236. sam Says:

    hey everybody,

    Well its 3 days that i feel like crap… Had 3 weeks that were great. now i feel week, stomach hurts and i have no appetiate + chest is tight. i really feel that i have no more strength to take this,,,i feel lost and confused, always questioning my self because the symptoms are hard to deal with, Big question will it ever go away?? is this a setback? and will it get easier because i am really losing hope, just want my old life back,,,i feel like i cant accept or beat this, The only thing that i love is that my wife is supportive and helps me out the most,,,all i am saying is that i need to ear positive feedback i need help 4 months and feeling like this is horrible,,want those 3 weeks back!!!

  237. Stephen Says:

    hi everyone,

    was doing ok for 3 days and have just hit another bump in the road so to speak. was fine this morning, went out last night had some drinks at the pub with my mates (brain retraining) and enjoyed myself but i got these sudden very intusive thoughts which were very strong today about how i wont get better, will always struggle and feel this dread and dispair and whats the point of recovery when i have felt this way. this is basically how it goes and it takes me from a normal mood to quite a dark/low depressed mood quite quickly. then i get thinking i have depression then i think what happens if i do get majorly depressed and it just goes on. Please tell me this is normal? do we all experience this sudden despair that just comes across like a bat out of hell??? I really have done quite well this last week i think accepting and even having normal moments in my day when im not thinking about anxiety or how i feel. I know i am making progress but this got the better of me today :(

    I know when we fear something we basically create the symptoms of what we fear but just feel alot better getting it out now any adivce would be greaty appriciated. Thats so aweosme you had 3 good weeks Sam! it sucks going from feeling normal to bad again but i suppose this is the road we know we will feel bad again and when we feel good we think…yer i will be fine next time i feel bad ect ect but when we do feel bad again its so hard to try n give it no attention. If your getting periods of 3 weeks where u feel good, im thinking you are quite far along the recovery road.

    Have been under loads of stress laterly and think i have handled myself quite well actually, as i live in Brisbane Queensland we have just been devistated by storms these last few days with so much damage, i think everyone here sinks into a deep despair when they hear thunder in the distance lol. I hope everyone is doing good, really like your posts Candie and scarlet very supportive and encouraging.


  238. samantha Says:

    hi stephen

    yes i get those feelings too i’m glad well not glad that others get it but it halps me realise that i am not alone i try to just carry on with day to day living it used to reduce me to tears but not anymore it does get easier


  239. lisa Says:

    happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday to candie, happy birthday to you.have a lovely day babe lisa x :-)

  240. Scarlet Says:

    I think you should just forgive yourself. If it helps you move on then you could apologise, but know that we all have done things we regret. When I was suffering myself I used to think that my suffering was due to all the bad things I’d done in life. This feeling of guilt goes when the anxiety subsides..

    Your hormones are probably all over the place hun, and being pregnant can make you anxious at the best of times. You do need to try and live in the here and now as much as you can, get yourself out and about… Are you doing any yoga/relaxation classes, anything for pregnant mums? is there anything local for you to join?, if you have time get yourself enrolled in a class, I think it will help you enormously.

    How are you feeling? You too are pregant and the first 3 months can be very emotionally tiring, so relax as much as you can after work. Mauritius sounds beautiful, all those evening walks on the beach..

    Sorry that you are suffering yet again. I think one of the mistakes we (all) make when suffering anxiety is not facing our fears, and hiding away from them, avoiding them… this is what prolongs our recovery imo. I’m talking about everyday things, like crossing the road, hiding all the knives in the house, not going swimming, not driving over bridges, not going to public places/shops for fear of a panic attack etc. etc… I think NOT avoiding the things you fear (like Paul said in his last blog entry) is the main key to full recovery and it never returning… but you have to be able to do this whilst feeling emotionless at times, or even panicky.

    Once you have overcome your fears (for eg. you and the gym) your confidence improves so much, and there will come a point down the line when you are recovered a bit more, that you know that if you are ever likely to suffer again, you will combat the anxiety no problem, and this in itself keeps it away… If you are still fearful of things and have niggling worries it might return, then it’s not fully gone. It’s always hard at first to face your fears, but once you become stronger it becomes easier.

    Also when I was fully recovered I stopped referring to anxiety as ‘it’ and more as an ‘old’ behaviour. When you can do this then you are fully recovered, and anyone here can do it…me and Paul are testimony to that.

    Great that you ran 4 miles, keep it up.. you’ll come on in leaps and bounds if you do. Running is an excellent thing to do when you are suffering anxiety, better still join a running club/run with a friend.

    It will go away…no worries about that, and yes it’s a setback… sorry to say, but you’ll have many of them on the road to recovery. You’ve had 3 weeks anxiety free, this is great, means you are well recovered. Try not to question why you had the 3 weeks and why you feel crap now, it doesn’t matter, recovery is haphazard. Just know that soon you will have more weeks.

    Great that you were able to go out with the lads last night (brain retraining 😉 ) No worries that you had some thoughts, this happens.. I remember going out with my friend once and I’d say I was about 75% recovered, and I had some terrible thoughts and it knocked me for six for the next week or so, then I bounced back again with a few more good days before the next setback. Recovery is like this Stephen, but you still have to carry on, get yourself out and about, fill in your day with as much brain retraining as you can (no matter how you feel, emotionless, full of thoughts, panicky).

    Try not to worry/think about being majorly depressed, I was clinically depressed as well as anxious and I came out of it, so you needn’t worry…whatever emotions you are feeling, depressed, anxious… you can and will recover from. And yes we all experience this sudden despair, especially when we aren’t able to cut off from our thoughts, it’s blooming draining. You are making good progress and I would think it wasn’t normal if you didn’t have days like this during recovery.

    Hope you are having a better day today in the land of Oz, just try and remember that it’s necessary to have the setbacks, this is the only way you recover…in fact welcome them if you can, means you can so some more brain-retraining down the pub.. 😉

    Lovely day all

  241. Kamini Says:

    Hi Scarlet..

    Thanks for enquiring about me. Well i am practising the new term now. And sometimes I feel i am back at square one. As if i have started to retrain my mind again. And yes the old term keep resurfacing now and then.

  242. Duya Says:

    @sam, Stephen.
    Yes, these are setbacks. They’re tough; but they’re a part of recovery. We all want to get better and better, but the reality is that the process is not a straight upward line. You probably both know it very well, just need a pat on the back. All that I can say is that they’re gonna pass; and you will feel better again. And they will probably return… and you’ll feel better after that again. “All that is subject to arising is subject to ceasing”.

    I’m going through a setback myself too, admittedly less bad than those you describe. I feel some bad adrenalin in my veins, and sense of despair; sense of not belonging. I too feel the fear that it won’t end. But I let that fear go. And I know it’s going to cease; it always does.

    Sam, I know it’s tough; but you know that you cannot get out of it by desperately wanting to be well; on the contrary. Let it be.

  243. Stephen Says:

    Thankyou scarlet,

    I will look forward to many more “brain training” sessions at the pub with my mates, it was funny because i espaired about going and didnt not want to go then the thought came to me how you and other people on here say to live a normal life as possible and do things as brain training and i actually had a good time and had anxiety free for alot of the night. You know how sometimes you dont know if u feel down or anxious or whatever or like its a combination of several feelings im always tempted to try and work out what im feeling so then i can accept. i know this is wrong because we can feel several different feelings combined together. i will get there, we will all get there.

    Thanks Duya for reminding me again that setbacks are apart of recovery and moving forward becuase it means we have improved a little hey. Like sacrlet said ealier we should be excited to have a setback because we are recoverying. Thanks again Duya for the reminder, it will keep me on track lol.

    Kamini i too questioned my phrases i said to myself and got really worked up about it, so i’ve just settled on “whatever” in the most sarcastic way i can think it, and now when they come i dont really do or say anything and they seem to go as quick. i think the longer the phrases are that we use to help us the more we can question them/get second thoughts about them. You can’t really question a “whatever” or ask what it really means, and if you do “Whatever” that thought too lol.


  244. selma Says:

    scarlet, thanks so much for your kind words. i am really busy with work but am trying to get more into yoga/mediation. i do a yoga class once/week. i think i could use more. i also have started walking my dogs again every morning, no matter how cold. and this really wakes me up, gets my blood pumping…a little sunshine (somedays) and fresh air works wonders. they love it too =)

    had a terrible nightmare last night. i won’t even go into it. but i am finding that pregnancy totally brings on the most bizarre, vivid dreams and terrible nightmares, to the point where i pray now ever night before bed. i woke up in a total panic, but instead of rethinking too much about the nightmare, i just told myself it was normal and that it doesn’t reflect my mental health in any way. i was able to sort of calm myself back down and go to bed. it was still scary, but i looked at it as a challenge i had to get face. i was proud of myself that i didn’t even have to wake up my sleeping husband! just hugged the dogs and said another prayer =)

    i hope i am able to fully recover from all of this someday….

  245. Annie Says:

    Scarlet, thanks for your post. I don’t know that I’ll ever understand why the anxiety came back. I was anxiety-free for almost 1 1/2 years and living a very full life. I had given a speech in front of an audience of over 200 people, I was making plans to fly to Europe… Everyday was a day that I felt blessed and full of gratitude. That’s what made the return of the anxiety a bitter pill to swallow. Recovering from it yet again made me just feel tired…

    Anyway, I didn’t ask for it, but I’m still responsible for putting myself out there, which I do. Unlike many people, I never avoided in the first place. In fact, at the peak of my anxiety in 2006, I flew from the West Coast to the East Coast with two small children for two weeks. I always showed up for things, but I felt absolutely wretched the whole time. Today, for example, I have a meeting over coffee, a play at my child’s school, a session with my French tutor, and an event in the evening. I’ll make it to everything, but, let’s face it, I won’t be doing them all with unbounding joy. Hopefully, that will return at some point.

  246. Scarlet Says:


    Nightmares are common in pregnancy with or without anxiety, it’s to do with hormones and increased awakenings, freq. going to the loo etc.., and they are more vivid as well…. so please try and not worry about them or try and analyse them (I know it’s hard hun). You did great not waking up your husband, see you are getting stronger by the day…of course you will recover from this, no doubt about it…

  247. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Annie,

    I’m so sorry it came back, I know it’s the pits isn’t it. Perhaps you overdid things a wee bit, got yourself stressed out. You sure sound a busy lady 😉

    I know what you mean about doing things without appropriate emotions, it’s very draining, but do continue as much as you can… sounds like you don’t have enough time for yourself though hun. Are you taking time out for some r&r, some ‘me’ time? a bit of time without the kids? do you have any help? any good friends around?

    Your joy for living will return Annie, it did before and will again. If I can help in anyway, let me know…..


  248. Sam Says:

    Thanks Scarlet & Duya,

    Just when you had 3 good weeks and then 1 week of dispair…its like you lost the game or war…its like is this my life, 3 good weeks and then back to square one…i have had this bad behavior (anxiety) 4 months now.. and there is ups and down…but i only get mad or focus on the downs…but Scarlet you always say it good and make us feel great for the time being…thanks too Duya fo your positive messages..Scarlet 2 little questions:
    1. can the anxiety get worse because i got a Flu shot???(i got it thursday last week and monday i started to feel bad)
    2. its been 4 months i take anti – Dep can they cause me the ups and down.

  249. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Sam,

    You are right, setbacks are so disheartening, but you will bounce back and you’ll be stronger for it (but you may not realise it mind you – not yet anyway). Four months is not long Sam, so you are doing great, and are recovering well, despite the setback. Ride it out, let the thoughts be in the background and carry on as normal despite the way you are feeling.

    It’s not the actual flu shot that’s made your anxiety worse, but the thoughts you have about it, try and ignore them. Millions of folks have the flu shot and are fine. You will get ups and downs regardless whether you are on ADs or not, they are a necessary part of recovery for all of us…

    Hope you are having a lovely weekend

  250. Sam Says:

    Hey Scarlet,

    thanks alot i needed to ear that…today i fell eally down just got out of bed..had too because i wold of wased all day in be…feel like i have no will to do anything, my body and mnd feel so down…want to go an se my bro or paents but i really do not feel lke it…have no appetiate to eat…wow setbacks are long 5 days feeling like this makes you hink that you never will improve…jst having a couple of down days and i hate it


  251. Candie Says:

    Sam, reading your post reminded me so much of how bad i used to be- but i can honestly say it does eventually get better and getting through the day stops being a challenge.

    If i could give you one good bit of advice it would be not to hide away, get out and about and godo all them things that your mind is trying to trick you into avoiding…. go see your parents and brother- i can gaurantee avoiding doing stuff because you feel crap and overwhelmed will only make you feel worse. You have to go against the grain, things may seem rough at first but doing this helps us to smooth things out again- rebalance our selfs. Doing things anyway regardless of how you feel builds a new mental attitude, you find confidence and strength and this is what sets the foundations of recovery…. if staying at home wishing it all away worked then none of us would be here. You can do this, we all can- it is proven to work and i have yet to meet anyone that says otherwise. The only time it didnt work for me is when i was still doing the opposite of what Paul learns us- i was still looking for answers, wallowing in self pitty and avoiding how i felt. When i stopped doing this i got better. Anyone can acheive it with the right application.

  252. Scarlet Says:


    I agree wholeheartedly with Candie, you should go out and about today Sam and not stay in bed googling. You need to go against the grain if you want to get well again. A five day setback is not unusual. I had one that lasted three/four weeks once, and only after the third week did I start to feel a wee bit better…but I made the mistake of staying at home ruminating, wishing it away like Candie said… I just didn’t have the energy to pick myself up, thought I was resigned for a life in the depths of hell…but no I’m here, well out of it and they way I got rid was to do all what Paul said he did, that’s the way to go for full recovery…promise you. Thing is you don’t see immediate results, and so you get disheartened,, so on these days you have to believe us. So go see your brother and parents today, no matter how you feel


  253. Stephen Says:

    Its it normal to just have okish days with bad moments? like 50% if my day i feel ok and i can deal with it but the of 50% i would feel anxiety, get scary thoughts or think back to my perious suffering. Or if someone mentions the words depressed or suicide dread sweeps my body. I just dont really have Good days like where im enjoying life at the moment i am a little worried about it and it doesnt help with my particualr fear.

    And also does anyone else question life and get anxiety about it? like i get thoughts like whats the point, whats my reason here, ect ect and that i will always feel like this. its hard because im not use to feeling good and feeling bad seems to be all i know now. Its so hard to explain but i get a thought like is this it? am i feeling as good as i will get because its still pretty crappy….hmmm sooo confused dont know if im coming or going so to speak. Trying to increase my interest in life, difficult at the moment though,


  254. Scarlet Says:


    It’s normal to have days like you are having…. I remember one lady who is recovered now, she used to colour code her days into pink days, grey days and black days. Pink ones being the days free of anxiety, grey days, where you cope and get through, but with underlying anxiety, and black days whereby you feel crappy, that you have no energy and are absolutely on edge all day, thinking you will lose your mind at any moment and need to be sectioned immediately…. All these types of days are necessary for recovery, but the majority of your days will be grey days (at the beginning and during setbacks you will get many black ones), and then odd pink ones will pop in as you recover (even for half a day or few hours), and then they will take over the grey days. For many days it will be a combination of pink, grey and black. Sounds like you are having a grey day at the moment Stephen, please try not to worry.

    Yes we all question life when suffering and get anxious about it, think what’s the point, why carry on, we are destined to remain like this forever…This is NOT as good as it gets Stephen, and you are well on the way to full recovery, only you can’t see it yet.

    I remember a nurse telling me that it’s like you are drowning and no matter whether you are in 100ft of water or 2ft, you feel you are still drowning…. you are just nearer the surface at 2ft, and you are getting nearer all the time, but it won’t be until your head pops above the water, that you realise that you were near the top (ooooo does think make sense 😉 ). Promise you what you are feeling is ‘normal’ and you are making a good recovery. I felt exactly the same as you describe for a long while.


  255. Stephen Says:

    Thankyou scarlet, could give you a massive hug right now. I love the colour days thing and i do mostly have grey days. and they can be kinda hard at times becsause you are managing but dont think you will imporve. You truely are a special person – Thankyou


  256. Helz Belz Says:

    Hi everyone,
    have just skimmed some of the posts, and there is so much to relate to here. I am so happy for those of you who have reached/reaching the light at the end. I am just at the beginning of my journey, have had enough of all the anxiety its time for a change!
    A quick message for Stephen in particular, about the meaning of life thoughts: I have those too, an awful lot at the mo, but they have been a real bane of mine for 2 years. especially the ‘whats the point of this/that/etc’, they tend to come hardest when i am about to do something like cooking or cleaning or my hobbies. yes, they are very hard to deal with, even though I know deep down that if there wasn’t a reason we wouldnt be here, if that makes sense. at the mo I am just letting them be there and telling them that they wont have a place in my head when i am better so they should get used to being ignored!

    just a quick about me: 23, geologist, two degrees, yet still suprisingly unemployable!

    h -x-

  257. Sam Says:

    thanks candie and scarlet,

    well stil feel bad but i am going out to see my parents and in-laws….just it takes the hand of god because i feel like this but we must push ourself right!! Stephan i really know how u feel bro…but we will get through it just keep Scarlet and candie in mind….
    Scarlet planning a vacation for new years is that a good idea???


  258. James Says:

    is it possible that i had a panic attack that was brought on by stress, i then worried about having another panic attack and my upcoming wedding and that is the reason why i have suffered GAD for the past 5 months?
    Will I ever be able to switch my thoughts away from how i feel? will i ever enjoy the nice things in life again, truly? should i start on medications, to see if they can give me some relief? Its so frustrating living in a bubble.

    Rant over


  259. selma Says:

    I feel the exact same way at times. You and I seem to be in a similar position. Although I can say I will now have a period of a week or more where I have all pink days- completely free of anxiety and depression. Those days are great. I feel totally unattached to my thoughts- I don’t feel either really good or really bad. I am able to just observe and take it all in and live in complete harmony. I have to remind myself those days are coming more and more in general, although it’s been a long road for me as well. Right now, I am having a grey day. It’s been a sunny, nice day with streches of feeling good and forgetting that about the anxiety. Then, I get the anxious, scary thoughts that creep up with the accompanying feeling of dread and doom. It’s like a wave that washes over me. I’m pregnant now which give me a whole new angle to the situation.

    All I can say is take comfort in the fact that you are NOT alone. The best remedy I have is as follows: exercise very frequently (especially outside if possible)- when I run 30 min a day/5-6 days a week, my depression almost goes away. Also, distract yourself in positive, engaging things that challenge your mind and force you to concentrate on the moment or task at hand. Googling, searching, and rethinking do NOT help, as much as it is hard to avoid doing.

    Scarlet’s advice was so useful and comforting to know we are really all in the same boat here. Sometimes I feel better JUST knowing I am not alone.

  260. Scarlet Says:


    I should plan your New year vacation, and go on it no matter how you feel. It will give you an opportunity to do some ‘brain re-training’ . Did you go visiting yesterday?? How are you feeling today?



    “is it possible that i had a panic attack that was brought on by stress, i then worried about having another panic attack and my upcoming wedding and that is the reason why i have suffered GAD for the past 5 months?”

    It is possible James, and a negative response to a thought/s (ie panic attack in your case) can most definitely set off an anxiety episode. Mind you I found that trying to find answers as to why I was suffering actually hindered my progress at times, so if you find yourself going around in circles analysing what got you here in the first place…try and cut off the thoughts for a while, there’ll come a time further down the line that it will all become clear..

    “Will I ever be able to switch my thoughts away from how i feel? will i ever enjoy the nice things in life again, truly? should i start on medications, to see if they can give me some relief?”

    Yes, there will come a time when you will be able to switch off your thoughts, and if an odd irrational thought pops in (which they do for ALL of us now and again), then you wil be able to laugh it off and dismiss it. I had a thought, whilst walking over the bridge the other day that I may jump in, now obviously when I was suffering anxiety, I would have had a raised heartbeat and panicked with lots of what if thoughts going around my head, and in the end I would have made myself believe that it could happen, and I’d better avoid bridges in the future just in case I jump in an irrational moment. Nowadays I am able to laugh and say, “yeh right”!!!!

    It took practice mind, and when you are faced with similar life situations which make you anxious you should practice the behaviour you want to ultimately achieve…so try and be calm and say to yourself, “yeh whatever, as if”!!!, and let the thought drift away… I promise you if you do this as much as you are able with all your irrational thoughts, it will become second nature soon.

    As for the meds, I’m not an advocate of ADs/anxiety meds myself and believe you can get well with or without them. I have spoken to many people with anxiety taking ADs and also those not taking them, and to be honest I haven’t seen a major difference in recovery times. With or without meds you have to follow a similar recovery pattern.. there’s no quick fix sadly.


  261. Stephen Says:

    Hey everyone,

    Scarlet i had a greyish day today but with some pink moments so to speak lol i went and visited family and friends today, exercised and during the day i had brief moments when i was anxiety free. althought memory was quick to bring it back i accepted and was distracted and forgot about it for abit more. I think i did well today, i had moments when i felt bad but made no big deal about it and watched them pass quickly.

    However i noticed today i ran away from one of my fears. I was quite normal and happy this arfternoon talking to mum about our up coming holiday ect when a commercial came on tv about mental health and people being unhappy and to call this number ect ect. Like i know this is really good because its helping people but anything to do with bad mental health like depression, bipolar, going crazy whateva will make me feel bad/down pretty quick. As i watched the commercial i felt kinda bad/down again and started going over my past suffering again. And the next time the add came on the tv i left the room so i didnt have to hear it, so kinda ran away from my fear i guess.

    hmmm, i know i need to accept this to get better again but i cant understand why this has such a impact on me, Oh and one more thing even though its not true at all, i have a thought always in my head that basically says no one every recovers from bad mental health ect ect even though im pretty sure its very not true. im avoiding this fear arn’t i?

    Yer selma the thoughts really get to me too lol and i also run each day which helps alot too, thanks for your post b4! Anyway hope everyone is having a good week so far


  262. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Stephen,

    Greyish day with pink moments is fine.. 😉 No worries about running away from your fear, sometimes you have to do this to gain strength for the next time. It’s not like you are avoiding ‘normal’ daily activities, going to the shops/work etc… watching a TV commercial on mental health is not required for ‘normal’ living. I remember when I was suffering, I couldn’t watch Sixth Sense the movie with Bruce Willis, even though I had seen it twice before, I watched the first 5 mins of it and had to turn it off. When I was much better I was able to watch it no trouble. I didn’t actually look at it as avoiding my fear at that time, becasue sometimes things like this are best avoided temporarily…

    Oooo hope I made sense here, guess what I’m saying is that sometimes it’s best to avoid news on Bipolar/Schizophrenia other mental illnesses for the time being, and build your confidence in other ways, eg. getting out with the lads, going to the gym, work, shopping, holidays. As your confidence builds, your worries about suffering a mental illness will diminish and then you won’t give a second thought to programmes like this.

    Also folks DO recover from mental illnesses, just like they recover from broken legs. It’s not life long. In my journey of recovery, I have seen many folks recover come through the other end. You will too, just follow the ‘instructions’ as best as you can, and no worries if you run away from your fear occasionally, as you get stronger and build up your confidence this will happen less and less and you will be able to push yourself more.

    Lovely day


  263. Matthew Says:

    “The best remedy I have is as follows: exercise very frequently (especially outside if possible)- when I run 30 min a day/5-6 days a week, my depression almost goes away.” from Selma.

    Yeah I agree that exercising daily really helps with anxiety. I wouldn’t say it fully goes away but I always feel good for a few afterwards. I’ve started running daily for about 50 minutes and feel great afterwards. Of ourse, not everyone can run but I think aerobic endurance exercise is a great outlet. I think I also feel good because I’ve gone out and run even though at times I feel lousy.

  264. lou Says:

    Hi all.

    I’m having a particulary tough time with Anxiety at the mo, well, really over the last year. I have terrible obsessional thoughts. From commiting suicide (which I don’t want to do as I have so much to live for)… however will it get to that stage in the future… to ending up drugged in a mental hospital, my partner leaving me, my mother dying (who has had poor health), getting old – only 30….everything I have no control over.

    I try to live in the moment… and as Paul says accept but how can i accept that I may no longer be able to cope…. I cope just now but what when something bad does happen…. I can’t even test out these fears….

    I also obsess that I have clinical depression, my mind is on the go 24/7, I’m so tired. I have always suffered from Anxiety, although mild to moderate. But now it’s crazy…. my mind just keeps going from one fear to another fear. I just can’t control it, it’s so intense.

    Everything I read is about panic attacks (which I dont have) or health anxietys (had it)…. mine now is about not coping in the future…. I just want to believe in myself again, I used to think I could deal with anything life threw at me.

    I have a toddler and so desperate for another (postponed trying for another over a year now due to blooming anxiety). And although I think I am a good mum, my confidence is chipped away at every minute of every day. I cannot understand why I cant pull myself together, she was the centre of my world but now it seems anxiety is, which is destroying me…

    I posted similar under another topic and Carol R helped me…. I suppose I’m posting here as well due to Selma GAD thoughts being similar to mine….

    Any advise would be grateful received…. Apologies if I sound like I’m not helping myself but I really am trying!

    Thank you!

  265. Natalie Says:


    Your posts are excellent.

    I can totally relate your analogy of being underwater. I feel i have been only a couple feet under for months now. But a few weeks ago i popped out the water for what must of been a few seconds and it was just amazing. I felt totally care free and felt like a really lucky person, that i was free to do what ever i wanted. It was like a light bulb switch on! (finally!) I’m looking forward to feeling like that again soon.

    Hope everyone is having an easy day


  266. JR Says:

    Just found out that Adam Duritz, lead singer of the Counting Crows, has had DP. This has been one of my favorite bands since I was younger.

  267. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Lou,

    I am so sorry you are feeling this way. Everything you describe was me in the past when I was suffering, I worried so much about the future and the possibility of being sectioned somewhere in a hospital like ‘one flew over the cuckoos nest’, rocking in a corner. THIS IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN HUN, please believe me.. You need to take a step back and gain some confidence in other ways, this in turn will help you deal with all the future things you are worrying about, and when you come through the other end you will be self-sufficient and able to take whatever life throws at you, even if you were left alone with just you and your daughter you would cope. This is what you should aim for and you can do it… but it will take time.

    For the time being, you need to take each day as it comes, get out and about as much as you can… Do you take your daughter out during the day?, join a mum and toddler group, take her swimming. Can you get a babysitter and perhaps join a gym, maybe you can find one with a creche. you need to get yourself out and about each day to stop yourself ruminating. I know how hard it can be with a baby/toddler (I was housebound with my baby wishing my anxiety away for the first year)and sometimes you you can’t get the motivation to do anything, thinking what’s the point it won’t make you feel any better…this is true in the short-term, and you won’t notice immediate changes, but there will be long-term benefits. You must not sit in the house with your thoughts?

    You don’t need to test out your future fears and face them, I was also concerned about this in the past.. but now I no longer worry whats going to happen and have adopted a ‘whatever will be’ attitude, and anyone can do this…but you must work from the ‘bottom up’ and not ‘top down’, which you are trying to do hun. Make small daily changes like I mentioned, getting out and about…speaking to friends on the phone, visiting relatives/friends, daily activities like shopping all contribute… Do all these things and let the thoughts be in the background as they won’t go straight away. You can do it Lou, it takes a bit of practice..but you must start with these small steps.


  268. lou Says:

    Thank you Scarlet, you do make a lot of sense. I also suffer from moderate body dismorphia. This has never stopped me ‘living’ my life as such although I have always been a bit pre-occupied with how I look (I feel so shallow to say that)… anyhow last night I thought I’d google the condition as I don’t really know much about it and hopefully it would lead me on the right road of accepting how I look…. Anyhow the long and short of it is I read about it being a hidden condition (people don’t admit to it as I wouldn’t to anyone) and yet they quote that 1 – 4 attempt suicide! Great! This is just what I didn’t want to read in my heighten state of anxiety. So I’ve been up all night worrying about this. I keep trying to reason with myself that If I had read that comment before I was suffering with anxiety I would have been shocked but wouldn’t have felt the emotion connection to it. It’s not like I absolutely despise myself, I don’t wanna cut my leg or arm off….. If I could just get over this awful thought of suicide I could move on… I can’t stress how much I DONT want to do it / FEAR it so I suppose I am answering my own question really!

    That will teach me to google. I have stopped googing other sites but I am aware I spend perhaps to much time reading this site, hoping to gain more knowledge that I don’t spend enough time with my family and I don’t give my tired brain a rest… Is this unusual? I sometimes feel that my brain can’t digest the great information I have at hand because it is so tired…. any tips regarding this?

    I take my daughter out every day. We meet friends, go to different groups and when I’m out the majority of the time I’m the old me… It’s just when I get home that the terrible thoughts haunt me… I then get irritated with my family if they want to spend time with me as I want to spend time researching and getting better…..

    We went on a lovely holiday abroad in May, a great time was had by all and for a good couple of months after I felt quite normal, lots of pink days as you say. I came off a mild anti-depressant in Oct in preparation for trying for another baby and since then my anxiety has been sky high again.

    I could go on and on but I’ll leave it there. It actually feels quite good to write this down although when I read it back I can’t believe this is me who feels this way. I wan’ to nip this terrible habbit in the bud and start living and enjoying again…

    Thanks xx

  269. Scarlet Says:

    “I wan’ to nip this terrible habbit in the bud and start living and enjoying again…”

    Hi Lou,

    This is so true, it has become a ‘habit’ and you need to break the cycle. First of all don’t google anymore symptoms for a while. A little challenge, try and not google symptoms/anxiety etc. for the rest of the day, if you get the urge to turn on the computer, go put the kettle on, go for a walk, clean the house, turn on the TV, read a book/magazine, or something similar.. See if you can do this for the rest of the day hun, and build it up. You need to spend more time with your family and less on the computer researching anxiety.

    Your brain is tired because you are on a continual seraching quest for that elusive piece of info. I was the same, and no it’s not unusual, we’ve all done it. But.. you know everything there is to know already, especially if you’ve read this site/Pauls book… You must live your life as normal as you can, get yourself out and about, face your fears and try and cut your thoughts off at the source as much as you can (ie not analyse them). These are the main rules for recovery…

    Towards the end of my suffering I actually stopped using my computer for a while to pursue other things and it was the best thing I did. it’s like an addiction that you need to replace, so remember if you feel the urge and your fingers are typing in google/anxiety, then RESIST and go do something else. It is going to be hard for the first few days, but will become easier.

    Also you need to practice cutting off your thought before you go into analysing mode. Whatever the thought, you must say something like ‘yeh, as if’, ‘yeh, whatever’. if you have to do it a thousand times for the first week, do it..don’t run away from a thought and don’t be scared, thoughts will not harm you… It’s your adverse reaction to the thoughts that’s keeping them coming thick and fast. You must model the behaviour you want to achieve, that is being calm and not reacting, and not taking the thought an further, and it will come, ..I promise you it works this way.

    “Anyhow the long and short of it is I read about it being a hidden condition (people don’t admit to it as I wouldn’t to anyone) and yet they quote that 1 – 4 attempt suicide!”

    This means that 3 out of 4 with body dysmorphia don’t commit suicide, that’s 75% and you are one of those Lou, you can do it hun, and you already are doing well, sounds like a bit of a setback to me.

    Gotta go out now with my LO, take care hun


  270. lou Says:

    Thank you so much Scarlet… I feel I have lost my way and I’m hoping your information will guide me back. It certainly makes a whole lot of sense right now. I’m going to read Pauls book again just to refresh, then I am going to try my hardest to stay away from anxiety info and take a well needed break… for as long as I can possible do it…. a little test to myself.

    Just one quick thing… I know you can’t really answer this but I’m so desperate for another baby. Anxiety stops me from trying this makes me feel worse and so on and so forth…. I feel I should say sod off to anxiety and go ahead with my plans (in the next few months, not right now). Why should it stop me from presuing my dream….. is this irresponsible? xx

  271. Scarlet Says:


    I have spoken to ladies who have had anxiety/depression/obsessive thoughts and went on to get pregnant again despite feeling crappy after their first baby. It’s a decision you have to make along with your hubby..and I would speak to your doc or HV about it, so they can keep an eye on you during pregnancy. As you know pregnancy hormones can make the anxiety worse during the first and latter stages, so this is to be expected and there’s a risk that you’ll get PND… but I can tell you becasue I have had both antenatal depression/anxiety and post natal, (and I recovered fully), that you can and will make a full recovery from this..

    I know a lovely website/forum that helps ladies with antenatal depression/anxiety and those who are trying for a baby. If you want the link let me know. they have a nurse/midwide on the site as well to answer any questions.

    Take care


  272. lorryt Says:

    hi all havent posted for a while as am trying to stay away, i ithnk its working. bad night last night but i didnt stress about it, life goes on body will catch up. m feeling a bit low as i have a stinking cold but am beginning not to think about anything much anymore, just getting on with being in my life. although i must say the emotions are taking a time to come back.

    you guys are great and i always appreciate your support. my life is coming back to me to enjoy it. things could have been so different, but with your help i am coming through the tunnell!!!!
    have a good one all. Candie scarlett, katie hope you are all keeping wel…

  273. lou Says:

    Thanks Scarlet, please send me the link. Did you experience anxiety/ depression as a result of your pregnancy? or had you experienced it before? Mine wasn’t pregnancy/ post natal related at all…. mine was a combination of lots of geniune stress… I then remember stressing about something that I had no control over and I actual felt like something snapped in my brain (well,not literally) maybe more like it screamed I cannot cope with anymore stress,complete overload. I tried CBT but found it of no use. Also I felt I knew so much more about anxiety than my therapist did…. you, this site & carol r have helped me far more already.
    Thanks again for your very wise words, they are truly appreciated. xx

  274. lou Says:

    Sorry just finally, since suffering with severe anxiety I get this really strange horrid feeling at times, like I don’t belong, am different to others, feel hollow inside, have no connection with anything… is that DP?

  275. selma Says:


    I can really relate to all you are going through. The anxiety manifests itself into a depressive quality after a while. I have had all of those feelings as well. Let me tell you something about your suicide fears that I read once in a book…. people who are genuinely suicidal think of suicide and FEEL GOOD. They feel a release. They fantasize about it. They would not be fearful of those feelings. To them, suicide seems like the best option. It sounds to me like you are just having another scary, obsessive thought that comes along with anxiety. It is meaningless. I have them too. It’s like, my mind has told me that is the scariest thought to have so I torture myself with it! Just have the thought and say to yourself, that is not really me and how I feel, it’s just a scary thought, it’s just my anxiety. Some days are easier than others.

    At the end of the day, no matter how bad things get, I ultimately have hope and know that something beautiful lies on the other side of this. Getting over that last hump is so hard. There is a release in not trying to hard, letting go, stop googling, and just deal with the feelings for a while without running….

  276. selma Says:

    Question for SCARLET:

    Scarlet, your posts are so encouraging. Did you really suffer as bad as some of us here seem to be with anxiety/depression and are now free of that?? I would love to hear more about that. Like, what was the turning point? How long do you think between when you started to “accept” and when you felt you got over the final hump?

    I have been practicing this theory to some degree since May. I had a great few months with a set back lately due to chance in seasons/pregnancy maybe. I’d love to hear an uplifting story of SUCCESS!! =)

  277. lou Says:

    Thanks Selma, your previous posts I could really relate to… I’m also thankful for the info on the suicide quote, breaking it down like you have really makes sense… It is definitely a case of just what would I fear most… this is the thought that really did my head in when the high anxiety first started.. I just couldn’t/ wouldn’t accept that I would even have such a thought. The guilt that comes from that esp. when I have such a wonderful beautiful child is just crushing! I will take on board your advise. I too in my heart of heart KNOW life can get back on track! You are doing so very well. Did you suffer from anxiety before your pregnancy?

  278. selma Says:

    Yes, I had anxiety before pregnancy. It just seemed to have flared up a little. I honestly think it has more to do with winter thought than hormones. I always have a hard time with the long nights. I love the sun and summertime. I usually will go in a tanning bed in the winter once a week for the vitamin d and might have to start again, even though I’m preggers. It just really helps me.

    So yeah…my anxiety started about 4 years ago. It has NEVER been as bad as it was in the beginning. I was out of my mind! Now it’s more like a few bad days or bad moments here and there. But the stretches of good time are getting much longer.

    I noticed a huge turning point when I stopped searching for a cure. I was obsessed with getting rid of it, finding a magic bullet. I even went a year doing all kinds of diet thing b/c i thought it was related to my hypoglycemia. Once I freed myself of that and just accepted it and tried to deal with it, I felt so much better…just knowing I don’t have to search the ends of the earth for a crazy cure!

  279. James Says:

    Can anyone advise, i keep beating myself up that my anxiety is the result of the fact that i smoked cannabis for a few years in my late teens, have not touched it for 5-6 years now. I cant stop thinking that my anxiety is something that will be around forever as cannabis use has damaged my brain and that the anxiety could become something far worse. It is really impeding my recovery. Has anyone any thoughts whether this could be the case.

  280. John Says:

    Hi everyone,
    I had a great few days but my wife was watching TV about people and jail. All of the people were talking about how they did this and did that and it bothered me. I asked my wife to change the channel. The thing is before anxiety I would be fine with watching it. I was pretty much fine with every thought. I mean I had a thought about Poking my eye out and I was like thats a weird thought and with anxiety would look at every thought and I am trying not to. Its hard when in just a few short months anxiety makes it like your studying your thoughts almost like if your going to take a test and you need to know it or you will fail the test. The hardest thing I found is that I related my thoughts to different situations and places and even things. This usually brings up the thought automatically. This is where I seem to get frustrated and stuck on.

    I also wanted to point out that it is amazing that how similar some of our thoughts are. I mean The idea that some people think that they may have bipolar or schizophrenia or some other sort of mental illness is actually a relief to me. I mean the only reason i thought I had schizophrenia because of a medication saying it might make you hallucinate. The week before I was told by a doctor I might have MS after a panic attack. I mean its amazing how far our minds can go with things. In studying anxiety I found that people with anxiety seem to be one of the most creative and intelligent people around. I also read that after recovery that anxiety make you stronger and you can face any situation. I think to be able to do that one day and live life to every moment and be happy is what this road filled with anxiety will lead all of us too if it hasnt all ready. I mean it has shown me how much I dont appreciate my wife and perhaps dont apreciate my life. I think everyone on here are amazing people and the fact that there are people in the world that are willing to help others free of charge is an amzing thing. I Thank All of you who have given me advice and all who have given advice to others. I also want to thank all the people who have come on this website for support.This website has allowed me to see the good in people again and also by seeing I am not alone in our road to recovery that much stronger. Thank You all!

  281. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Selma,

    “Did you really suffer as bad as some of us here seem to be with anxiety/depression and are now free of that?? I would love to hear more about that. Like, what was the turning point? How long do you think between when you started to “accept” and when you felt you got over the final hump?’

    Yes it was bad. I was 6 months pregnant with my second baby, and had never suffered anxiety/depression before in my life. I was on bedrest for pregnancy complications and spent all my days alone, and of course had time to worry, and after one particular doctors visit I couldn’t stop obsessing about the health of my baby, and that’s when it started for me, literally overnight I turned fromm a rational person into someone who was totally irrational, walking around in a dream-like state (dp) and ringing my husband up at work 100 times a day.

    For the first month I suffered terrible dp, didn’t know what was wrong with me, and then finally after a huge row with my husband I walked into the local hospital and told them to take me in as I feared I was going insane. They took me in for a week, which turned into 3 months and diagnosed me with acute anxiety. For the first couple months in the hospital, I became clinically depressed as well and wouldn’t leave my room. The only words I could say each morning were “I wish I was dead”, and I contemplated suicide and the offered me ECT (which panicked me even further). I asked them to deliver my baby early, which they did, as by this stage I was a nervous wreck, afraid of everything.

    When my baby was born, I became a little bit better and they gave me ADs and other anxiety meds and after a couple of weeks sent me home, with my baby and no further treatment. I never really recovered until I left hospital, and it was a long hard struggle. I stopped taking the meds after 4 months becasue they dind’t make me feel better.

    For the first 8-10 months or so I was housebound really as I was afraid to go anywhere alone, and I was also afraid of doing anything irrational, so I stayed in with my thoughts/baby and google for company. My husband offered practical support, but he didn’t know how to support me emotionally, so I was alone really, as I lived abroad and had no-one. He worked long hours.

    It was the internet that helped me recover really because after about 8 months or so, I started to learn everything I could about this illness and came across info like Pauls, not Pauls site specifically….but similar, and I educated myself on the ins and outs of anxiety. I also started to help others who had PND, and this helped me enormously, took the focus away from myself. By one year I was well on the way to recovery and was out and about everyday with my baby…. and it took me a further 8-10 months or so after that to be fully recovered. I’d say by Xmas last year I’d finally accepted that the way to recover was to go against the anxiety and live my life regardless of how I felt, and I’d seen the results of this (18 months after my first panic attack). After this my recovery came on in leaps and bounds…

    I am confident everyone on here can come through the other end as well, it’s just a matter of following the directions in Pauls book and on this website. Like he said, “recovery is within everyone.” I have spoken to so many people who have recovered as well, and followed them through from the start of their illness to recovery, so I know it works.

    Hi Lou,

    The website address is

    However I just took a look and it says the site is unavailble, and I’m not sure it’s down temporarily, or permanent. It was a great site and I was a member myself. I will check it out for you hun.

    “I had no control over and I actual felt like something snapped in my brain ”

    It was the same for me, something just snapped in my brain and sent me into a downward spiral with terrible dp. . It does sound like dp you are experiencing Lou.

    I remember someone describing dp as though you have fallen off the edge of the earth. Nothing seems real and you have to work hard to convince yourself that you actually exist. I was convinced that I had died and was living in hell or purgatory as I felt like a tormented soul who had not yet passed on to the other side.

    It’s just the result of a tired mind though, a side-effect of excessive anxiety, and should not be feared, You will not stay like this, and you don’t have any terrible mental illness that you can’t recover from, it’s temporary. As soon as you recover a wee bit more and learn to stop obsessing/analysing thoughts, it disappears….

    Hi John,

    “I also read that after recovery that anxiety make you stronger and you can face any situation. I think to be able to do that one day and live life to every moment and be happy is what this road filled with anxiety will lead all of us too if it hasnt all ready.”

    It will make you stronger, and you when you have come through the other end, you will be one of the priviliged few that will have an insight into the inner workings of the human mind…it’s amazing really.

    “Its hard when in just a few short months anxiety makes it like your studying your thoughts almost like if your going to take a test and you need to know it or you will fail the test”

    It is hard, but the good thing is that you get to know yourself really well, and it comes in real handy…plus your analytical skills improve no end. I love being an analyser now, and it’ll come in handy for your future profession.


    thanks for posting that link, it was very interesting, just goes to show that it can (and does) affect anyone.


    I promise you that your brain is not damaged forever, I thought this at one time as well…but it’s not true, regardless whether it was brought on by cannabis or not. Also your anxiety will not become something far worse, please know this and trust me ;-). just get yourself out and about doing ‘normal’ everyday things, and let the thoguhts be in the background. When is your wedding btw?.

    Lovely day everyone

  282. Helz Belz Says:

    Scarlet, it is amazing to read about your recovery, it gives hope for everyone else, including me. that you were at rock bottom and to have come out the other side is so inspiring. thank you so much for sharing! -x-

  283. Scarlet Says:


    “I would love to hear more about that. Like, what was the turning point? How long do you think between when you started to “accept” and when you felt you got over the final hump?”

    I remember a turning point in my recovery. I think it was about a year ago, maybe slightly longer that I encountered Paul, and I was around 95% recovered. I remember emailing Paul telling him as much. Anyways I had been 95% recovered for a long time, and just couldn’t seem to get over the final hurdle, that was holding me back from full recovery. This was the fear of it never returning, and I also had some unanswered questions. I remember asking Paul about Wills book, becasue he had mentioned it on his site, and he recommended I read it, so I did, and in it I found my answers.

    One particular question which perturbed me, was if it was possible that one sentence which a person said, could cause a panic attack, which in turn could bring on such debilitating symptoms. My husband had asked my psychiatrist if this was the case and he had been told no, this was not possible, however Will said in his book, that an adverse reaction to a thought can afect you so badly, that it can render you incapable of doing anything. This was the answer I’d been waiting for from someone who knew.

    The other thing was his explanation of primary and secondary thinking. I had been following all the rules as I saw (cutting off thoughts, facing my fears head on, and living my life as normal as possible, despite how I felt), and yet I couldn’t get over the final hurdle, and I felt that I needed a clear understanding of the thought process to put the final jigsaw pieces into place. His explanation was all I needed really to get me to 100% because after I read his book, my mind accepted that I now knew all there was to know about my own anxiety/depression and anxiety/depression in general. All my questions were answered, and I suddenly felt at peace. After that it was a matter of weeks, after I digested all the info in the book, that the last 3-5% lifted, and I knew it would never return.

    Helz Belz, You are very welcome, I am confident that anyone here can come through the other end as well, with full understanding of this condition, they will have nothing to fear….. Have a lovely day

  284. James Says:

    Hey Scarlet, my wedding is 6th December, its really causing an increase in my anxiety just when i thought my GAD was going for good. Makes me feel like i will have a mental breakdown its so intense. Its a shame really, i should be really happy but instead am just feeling intensely fearful.
    Oh well, i have faced my fears so far, I just need to get on with it.
    Thanks for asking and also for the logical reasoning you to continue to provide in response to all our fears. You truly are an inspiration.

  285. candie Says:

    Hi Scarlett- i have read wills book too, it is really good when it comes to the mental side of anxiety such as intrusive obsessive thoughts. The thing is when i read it i hadnt quite fully accepted the cause of my anxiety, so there was no way i could apply his methods succesfully at that point. I am now just getting to grips with acceptance and i will deffinately be reading it again soon as i just know that it will help me lots as it makes so much sense. Question for you Scarlett- would u say that in order to overcome your intrusive obsessive thoughts you allowed them to be there and as Will says dont go into secondary thinking of analysing them? As i learnt a while back that when i have a thought it seems to make so much sense to stop there and not take it any further…. i think analysing anything can make us obsessive really- and that is why the obsessive thoughts post on this blog has been the most popular!

    Also i have found some days we can think we will never suffer again, only to have a good few days/weeks and feel anxious again! Now at first this really held me back… but in recent months i have learnt that the only difference in my change of attitude is the anxiety i feel- so i learnt to accept that and my positive attitde is now growing stronger and confidence is building… dont get me wrong i have what i call ‘anxious wobbles’ during my good weeks, but the bad weeks arn’t that bad… deffinately not bad enough to stop me doing anything or reduce me to tear. So for all them people that are at the begining of recovery- it can feel like a long journey… but once your half way there you really can live a happy existance beside how you feel. Then eventually full recovery happens.

  286. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Candie,

    “would u say that in order to overcome your intrusive obsessive thoughts you allowed them to be there and as Will says dont go into secondary thinking of analysing them?”

    Yes 100%, I did this with all thoughts at one time, and it became like a daily challenge for me. Wills book just tied up all my loose ends I suppose. I think Wills book is great if you are well on the way to recovery. For those still having lots of ups and downs it can be a bit tedious to read (sorry Will) and you probably won’t grasp the concept so well… but read it if you are over 75% there and especially if you are having difficulty still with obsessive thoughts. Obsessive thoughts were my main symptom really, and were the last to go.

    I think acceptance comes before full recovery, there are days even now that I get anxious/depressed (have a good cry, feel sorry for myself, even odd panics), but I am now the same as I was before my anxiety disorder, in that I accept them as the normal ups and downs of life…and not some part of an anxiety disorder that I am spiralling into.


    Not long to go. I think after your wedding, a lot of your anxiety symptoms will subside. You will not have a mental breakdown, just ride it out…..this time in a month it’ll be Xmas and you’ll be a married man… 😉


  287. James Says:

    Scarlet, Candie (morning girls), you mention about the mental side of anxiety in the posts above, that is the stage i am at now. I have few physical symptoms, as i have learnt to accept them and they have passed, i think?. Its just the weird thoughts and feeling like i am someone else, or at least not myself or as somebody recently put, like a zombie. Or even a character in an arcade game, going through day to day on auto pilot.
    I guess what i am trying to ascertain is whether i can gain anything from Will’s book and if so what is the full title of both book and author.
    As i say, when anxiety started i was in a normal state of mind with fear and physical symptoms, now the physical is not so much a concern but i have moved to Planet Zog. Any ideas/thoughts ?

  288. lisa Says:

    hi james,it sounds as though your trying to figure everything out,worrying why your in this state,questioning it..please dont, it does pass once you stop giving it the respect.your mind is just tired thats all let it think,ramble on but keep bringing it back on to whatever your doing whether its getting dressed,watching tv,eating its fine. scarlet just wanted to say your posts are very encouraging to those in the dark days still, a few things iv read of yours reminded me of things i used to be like and can laugh now :-) there is a light you guys ,and pauls new post is really about accepting and time which is the key. :-)

  289. Scarlet Says:

    Hi James, an excerpt from Wills book

    ‘If you suffer from repetitive panic or anxiety – you CAN recover’

    “it is possible to make headway with this illness when you ‘understand’ that panic is all about our reaction to very ‘normal’ thoughts and feelings (or shall we say ‘OK’ thoughts and feelings)…….. When you also understand that our minds play ‘a little trick’ on us and, inadvertently, send us in to ‘the panic temptation’, we can soon realise that we need to ‘do’ completely the ‘opposite’ of what we think we have to do’
    ‘Ultimately, this should also bring you to the point where you understand yourself and reach the height of true self-confidence’

    Please check out Wills website, I think there you will find all the information you need (it has lots of the book chapters on the site anyways and is very helpful). If you do buy this book, I think it’s useful for those plagued by obsessive thoughts… and gives a good explanation, as to why we suffer them and fear them, and what to do to recover from them. I found it very interesting in parts… and it put to bed lots of unanswered questions I had.

    ‘Its just the weird thoughts and feeling like i am someone else, or at least not myself or as somebody recently put, like a zombie. Or even a character in an arcade game, going through day to day on auto pilot.’

    James what you describe sounds like dp, your mind is tired from all the analysing you have been doing…. Please don’t worry about feeling like this, it goes when the thoughts subside and turns to a wee bit of numbness until it disappears altogether. It is NOT permanent, nor will it do you any damage, it is one of the symptoms of anxiety and a very common one. I remember being on Planet Zog a while back as well for what seemed like an eternity, and I am glad to say I managed to escape now, & I won’t be visiting there again anytime soon 😉 You’ll be off soon as well.

    Take care

    Am off for a few days hol, will be back Sun/Mon
    Lovely weekend all

  290. Nicole Says:

    Hi everyone,
    Having a little set back and I am embracing this opportunity to put into practice all that I have learned, not easy, but this is what has helped me make strides forward in the past.
    I have a question for anyone a few steps ahead of me on this journey – what initialized this particular set back was a strong wave of doubt and mental/emotional fatigue when I would try to view my thoughts and symptoms as meaningless or not harmful. I have just recently come to a new level of understanding with anxiety and was truly feeling stronger and on top of this. These new feelings have thrown me for a loop and I am little confused with how to handle them. Do I let them be there and try not to react to the doubt or do I try and cut off the thoughts that go along with it, which leads to more scary thoughts etc.? I don’t know if that makes any sense at all! It is hard to put into words what I am feeling at times.
    All of this knowledge is a little jumbled at the moment which doesn’t help. I am looking forward to gaining some new insight when this passes though. Thanks, Nic

  291. James Says:

    Thanks again Scarlet, i thought i was past dp but seem to have gone back in. I am also now becoming obsessed that i have mental health problems due to smoking cannabis in my teens and that my problems are far more worse than anxiety and this is just the beginning, even tho i started with a panic attack

  292. John Says:

    Hi everyone I was wondering how do I know if I am forcing the issue with anxiety. I mean its like before anxiety I didnt see my thoughts as irrational or scary. I read a post about someone saying they thought what if I were a vampire. I mean I thought what if I were superman. I mean its like I always had a thing for sci fi and one of my fears was that I wouldnt be able to tell what was real or not. So my Dr recommended not watching them. I mean do I have to change myself to make myself free of anxiety. i feel like I lost my self and my confidence. I miss loving electronics and computers. I miss the happy feeling. I miss the confidence feeling. I miss having complete control over my thoughts in the sense of not getting scared of my thoughts. Does this come back. The problem is that I read what can happen to people with anxiety and then got scared. Like the reason I lost my confidence was that I saw that people can lose it and I read that people not make decisions because of it and then I started doing that. I mean is it anxiety or is it because I am a hypochondriac. Iguess the biggest thing will I feel happy like I did before this all happened. I mean the only way I got over things was getting a definitive answer. I guess thats why we have anxiety in the first place.Any help and any advice would be greatly apreciated. I really just want to have kids and be a happy father and husband

  293. Helz Belz Says:

    John, as a fellow sci-fi fan, dont stop watching sci-fi! just take it as fiction and a bit of fun, otherwise you are just denying yourself some escapism. if you are scared that something in the sci-fi will set off your anxiety and so not watching it, then the anxiety is winning. it can be hard sometimes (B5 gave me a mild irrational fear of telepaths, but its still great sci-fi 😉 ). use the sci-fi as a way of taking a break like the other thread said, to get way from thinking about anxiety for a bit. trouble with decision making is hard too, i get that too, but avoiding decisions is difficult, even though ive gotten into the habit of avoiding making any decision, because the process of decision making brings up all sorts of little questions that build up into panic (its happening to me now…and all i’m doing is picking which book to read next…its crazy!). unfortunately, life isnt about definitive answers. i’ve chased my own circular thought patterns too much the last few years trying to answer the unanswerable. sometimes its best to admit defeat, that some questions cant be answered, and leave them to the powers that be. its tough, but it can be a great weight off the mind.
    i hope that has helped at all! -x-

  294. John Says:

    Thanks Helz,
    I appreciate the advice. I just wish there was actual people I could meet in person to talk to that actually recovered from it. I mean to actualy talk to someone and hear that they did. I mean i guess alot of this all came up becuase a girl in school had an anxiety problem and that seems to be the only thing she talks about. I been noticing too lately I been putting guess in my posts. The lack of confidence in myself to getg better is really difficult. I really just need that assurance that I will be okay and that i will get over this. Thats probably why I come on here. Helz it did help. I appreciate ir very much!

  295. Helz Belz Says:

    Hi John,
    am glad i could help :) am so glad i can help others, even though helping myself seems a lot harder to achieve! lack of confidence is tough, and anxiety seems to really knock all confidence hard. my confidence really went when the bad anxiety hit (have always had mild anxiety and low-ish confidence, but the last 2 years it has all gone). didnt help that i had an overbearing boyfriend at the time who thought that he was always right and any thoughts i had that were different from his were wrong. but anyway…
    it seems to take a lot of confidence to even start on the recovery road, and to let thoughts go takes a lot of confidence in yourself too. we are in the same boat here John, but if others can do it (like Paul, Scarlet and Candie) then we can recover too. I realised that i wasnt quite doing it right, i am still instinctively fighting, i still havent got the hang of just accepting, which is probably the first hurdle.
    on a postitive look, today i managed a few moments of not noticing my anxiety and feeling the calmest in months! see, it can be done!
    talking to real people can help too, even if its not about anxiety. but if you need to talk, everyone is here for you.
    john, you are doing great. you have support here to help you! -x-

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