Anxiety, avoidence and de-sensitising

Hi Everyone, This will be my last post for a while as I go on holiday next week, so hopefully people will get something from this latest post, which is different than recent posts, where I have tried to get people to change their attitude to anxiety or any other symptoms, as its not about having no symptoms, its fine as long as you don’t let these feelings control your life and spend so much wasted energy trying to rid yourself of them.

This leads to todays post, which the idea comes from a program I was watching, I actually do not like the program ‘Jeremy Kyle’ and it was on in the background until it caught my attention.

The program started with a women who had been burgled and met the guy face to face. Two years down the line she never went out and was constantly in fear and suffered with anxiety/panic etc. It was having a terrible impact on her life and she wanted help. Then some guy who was there to help her, did actually for once talk a lot of sense and said something that I could relate to. He said ‘I went through something very similar, but I refused to let it rule my life’ He said he understood the concept that, if he did not get straight back out there, then it would cause far more problems and he went towards what he feared and did not hide. I think he said he was mugged or something similar and he actually wanted to get straight back out there, understanding that it was better to do this than let the problem grow. The main thing is, he did it straight away and did not build up more avoidence behavour habits that could cause more problems.

I wont claim to know anything else on this part of the program, as I say it was on the background, but I just caught him saying this. But I thought, here goes his advice to this lady will be the usual twaddle, but he surprised me and said the only way to move forward can come from you and you have to go towards what you fear to get your life back, he never said it was easy, but suggested staying at home and all the habits of needing someone with her constantly and not going out were counter productive and she needed to do the exact opposite to move on from this. I am not blaming this lady by any means, but what she did wrong was to never her allow herself to feel any fear to get through it, for her it was about not feeling any fear or as little as possible. She would ring her boyfriend 20 times a day and when he got back he was never allowed to go out, she would not go out in case she saw this guy again and the problem just grew and grew. What she needed to do was feel these feelings and go through them, even if at first it was not ring her boyfriend so much, little steps, but she had to feel some uncomfort, only then would she feel more comfortble, she could never expect to live life with someone constantly by her side. But again I am not blaming this lady, she was just going with her instincts.

I always went towards any uncomfortable situations and refuse to get into avoidence behaviour, even in my days of little knowledge I knew that this was the worst thing I could do and trust me this is what de-sensitises you. I know we want the easy way out, but I thought if I don’t do everything at will and allow myself to feel some fear, then my life would just get narrower and narrower. A realisation once came when I had a job interview and as I got near I thought ‘I can’t do this, I felt very anxious’ I then had a realisation. ‘I would feel like this pre-anxiety days’ but I would not let it bother me, also my nerves are sensitised so I may feel it a little stronger than most, but its the same feeling, its only my attitude to it that has changed, so I just got on and went in and soon felt a lot calmer once I was in chatting. Again I nearly let a common feeling of excess adrenalin (which is all it was) bluff me into avoidence.

From that day I always went everywhere at will, however I felt and it was the reason things got so much easier. But I had to go through these times and not trust my bodys instinct to avoid, there was logically nothing to fear, so why should I? I may have felt uncomfortable again, but these feelings did not bother me in the slightest, I had an in built confidence, I had been through them so many times and nothing ever happened, so there was no reason to care how I felt anymore. I just tried to lead as normal life as possible even though I was wracked with anxiety or felt great. To get normality back I had to live as normal as possible and not let any feeling control what I did and did not do.

I refused to let how I felt narrow my life even furthur.

I know we are all different and some people may need to take small steps at first, but the power is in us all. Don’t be bluffed into avoidence by what is nothing more than excess adrenlalin in a sensitised body. Once you deal with yourself and not a place, nowhere can hold any fears, the feeling is always the same.

I hope that people can relate to something there.

For more help with anxiety visit www.anxietynomore.co.uk

For more information on my book ‘At last a life’ visit

www.anxietynomore.co.uk/the_book.html

178 Responses to “Anxiety, avoidence and de-sensitising”

  1. James Says:

    Paul, i can relate to the above, i have recently got back to doing things that i did pre-anxiety and on some occassions i feel like old me and others i am a nervous, clammy, sweaty wreck but as you say, this is the way out of the position i am currently in.
    Sometimes i feel like i am on the verge of a breakdown but then realise that as i am pushing my boundaries i am pushing both physical and mental elements. I suppose it is stamina building in a way. A marathon runner does not just go and do 26 miles, he will build up and despite doing 10 miles one day he wont necessarily do 12 the next time out. I made a mistake in thinking the road to wellbeing is a perfect gradient. I now accept there will be ups and downs

  2. Candie Says:

    Yes i can totally relate to this post, with avoidance your world really does get smaller- face the fears and things become much clearer.

    I watch Jemeremy Kyle ocassionaly- most the time they bring the roughest people in the country on to exploit there problems…. but that Graeme who does the councelling can talk sense now and again. Jeremy makes me laugh though- as he gives the people who come on a lecture about being unemployed etc…. yet what type of people does he think will be sat at home that time of day watching his show lol.

  3. lorryt Says:

    I watched it once while i was in hospital and it was worth a laugh, but what self respecting person with any dignity and pride would air their dirty washing in public !!!. sorry i had to say that . cheap telly i suppose.
    but getting back to the point, Its a tough old road that can only be taken one step at a time. i now realise that , and i realise that it has taken me a long time to get my head round it all, but i am getting there.i am facing my fears more like facing my stupid thoughts and realising them for what they are. i have to deal with the real day to day things of living.i had a week of feeling really good, and not letting anything worry me, but now my health problems have returned and i am fretting a bit. it worries me as without going to too much detail. i have had 18 months of operations and thought id had gone away only for it to come back the other side.if you get what i mean ladies !!..
    i now realise how much pressure i was putting on myself to get better by doing that it was making me worse. i dont post as often on here now, as i feel i need to step back from it and get stuck into life, its a real gift that should be filled with as many experiences as possible. although i am having a pants time at the mo i know it will get better and nothing is gonna happen to me, just my nerves love !!!!!!
    i am rambling a bit now, but basically there is nowt to be scared of, once you understand its your body rebalancing itself you can get back on that bike and ride off in to the sunset !!
    i really should listen to myself sometimes……………i still need a bit of reassurance sometimes from you guys but you lot have made me understand what its all about

    cheers all have a great day xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  4. Paul David Says:

    James Quoted: Paul, I can relate to the above, I have recently got back to doing things that I did pre-anxiety and on some occassions i feel like old me and others I am a nervous, clammy, sweaty wreck but as you say, this is the way out of the position I am currently in.

    This is the point James, you do have to go through the sweaty, claminess and allow yourself to feel this way, its not very nice, but it wont harm you. What people do is say ‘I can’t go out because I am all sweaty, anxious and clammy. Anxious feelings always hit a high point and then calm and the real victorys are going against your instincts and doing it anyway. Once you do this your confidence builds and things get so much easier. I am not saying do this and then do that and that, each person is different and small steps at first can build into bigger ones. And as you say its all about ups and downs, you are re-training your mind and body, undoing bad habits and you do get some ups and downs, I had many along the way, but I always believed the old me would surface. You only have to look through old posts to see how many people have come so far.

  5. Candie Says:

    Hi Lorryt

    You seem to be doing really well and grasping things now at last :). It took me ages as i wasnt accepting for months at first- i was getting through the day through reassurance from others and it got me no where as i was still running from how i felt. I dont quite know when i let go of the fight- but i am glad i did….. i am having lots and lots of days with no anxiety- and when i do have it sometimes i have to stop and think to notice its even there, like the thoughts- i dont even notice them there at times- i’m flowing through symptoms and finally get it!

    People ask me how i managed to let go- when the truth is its not something you can do over night or something you should strive for…. it is a serious of steps where more and more clicks into place and you get more confident….. its a great feeling to be confident being me, not wanting everything to go away and be someone else.

  6. Natalie Says:

    Hello all,

    Although i don’t post regularly, i read almost all the posts, and i have been reading some really positive attitudes, it’s great! I have come a long way lately, feeling a lot better. Still have my anxiety though i am living with it well and peacefully (kind of!) I do certainly have paul and all of your informative posts to thank for my progress – so thank you!!

    I would like some advice off of you guys if poss, as i’ve come to a bit of a head. I have had a problem that has needed to be adressed for a couple years now (not anxiety, a different problem). And i have always been putting it off. I keep thinking i should deal with it but i always end up burying my head in the sand. Lately i have been thinking a lot about it and i want to sort it out, only i’m too afraid incase it opens a can of worms and it’s too much for me to cope with, and so may take a massive step backwards with my anxiety progress. I’m basically incredibly afraid..
    I think that if i put it off for a few months longer, maybe i will feel a bit better in order to deal with it?

    I think i just need a point in the right direction!

    Hope you’re all having a peaceful week

    Natalie

  7. Candie Says:

    Hi Natalie

    I have had the worst two days ever regarding personal problems… had some really heated disputes etc with my fiances sister- basically she has behaved apaulingly and agrivated me! Now my fiance isnt talkin to her, i cant go round there anymore so we wont see each other as much. Now through all this i thought oh great now this is sure to send my anxiety of on one- but i have been fine- i am a lot stronger then i give myself credit for. It really is each to there own, but if the issue needs adressing then i wouldnt put it of due to anxiety. Sometimes if u dont adress an issue, then leaving the problem there can stress u out more then dealing with it.
    Go with what feels right for you.

  8. john Says:

    Hi

    Im beginning to learn to accept the feeling and it aint easy. I feel so weak, soft and i have been getting pains in my body from my legs to my head. The pin isnt that intense but its like being pricked. I could feel my body kind of vibrating and my head seems to be light and dull. Sometimes I feel my head is empty that I could not think of anything and fear that I would be unable to move or do things. Is this normal? Appreciate advise from the more experienced posters here

  9. JR Says:

    Paul hope you have a good “holiday” as you call it in the UK…I’m looking forward to a trip in November with my wife…counting down the days actually

    Right now I’m struggling with a thought and feeling that when my body and mind return to normal and I recover I won’t be able to remember my sensations and symptoms. I almost feel like an a** for asking this because I know this was the least of my worries when I was like many on this blog but sincerely want to help others after I recover, maybe by writing a book or contributing something to the cause.

    I’m scared that if I don’t write all the symptoms and feelings down them I forget if I even had them, or what they feel like. Is this just an anxious thought or something I need to consider?

    Had a few great days recently and starting to feel more with it and “in the world” recently. For those of you with DP…no matter what you’ve read online or heard from doctors you can and will recover from these feelings. I doubted and thought they would be there forever…boy was I wrong…

  10. lorryt Says:

    hi all

    i guess we all try and ‘do’ when we should just ‘be’. I have an incredibly inquisitive mind and therefore i need to know why things happen and how things happen. that i feel is what i was doing trying to figure out why all the time and what i could do.Normally there is a whyand howe and wherefore, but with our bodies they are incredibly complicated things nobody knows all the answers and i wouldnt accept that .i have now. i do have times when it all floods back and i think what have i done wrong but i have faith that it will go.

    with regards the thoughts JR, believe me i wrote things down and talked to loads of people.its just the anxiety pulling in all the silly stuff taht you would have never even considered when you had a clear mind.

    No matter what i have done in my life i have always talked to people who have experienced things first hand, and boy has that helped me. By talking to you guys, and seeing how you lot cope something has just dropped into place and i dont know what it is but i dont care, it has clicked so i shall go my merry way and just be , i couldnt of imagined it would ever work for me, but im soo glad things are coming together at last .
    Candie you are doing a great job, thanks for being there

    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx have a good one all

  11. Paul McG Says:

    Hi Natalie !
    I feel i needed to reply to your query / problem , as anxiety and ongoing personal problems can be very difficult to deal with when running concurrently ! Although we may not realise it at the time , the problem in hand can be what is actually contributing to your anxiety even although you have not challenged it vocally as yet ! Its like being caught between the devil and the deep blue see , a catch 22 if you like , but while the issue at hand spins continuously within the confines f your own mind , it only feeds the anxiety cycle , and can eventually lead you into total confusion ! You are right though , there is the issue of ” Am I strong enough to challenge this problem , then see it through ?” I think the question you need to ask is , Is this problem in someway connected to your anxious state , especially as you’ve said its been ongoing for a couple of years , who knows maybe that can of worms , needs opening , and in turn releases the weight and burden on you !

  12. Natalie Says:

    Thank you ever so for your response Candie. Although i do know deep down that i am strong enough to come up with the right answers myself, it’s good to get a second opinion when you’re wavering.

  13. Jules Says:

    Hey John
    Anxiety symptoms come in all shapes and sizes. If you imagine you central nervous system is over tired and spent and your body so much more sensitized by adrenaline. Your on hyperalert to any sensation and so your focus on yourself is, or seems like its magnified? I found this hard to believe when I was at my most heightened anxiety but now I see that it sooo was. I was getting all sorts of symptoms, aches, pains, pins and needles, prickling…the list goes on. Try to step aside and let your body do what it has to do to get better without being frightened by it or fighting for it as it just continues the cycle. You may feel wierd for a while as the excess adrenaline is buzzing round, and it will take time but it does calm down if you can let it be.
    Hope this helps.

  14. john Says:

    Hi Jules

    Thanks for the advise. I know they are harmless but when it happens it really is scary and sometimes the idea of being harmless disaappears since im more concerned with what im feeling now and to when will it stop. I know my constant worrying is the cause and when i dont worry, i dont feel anything. The problem is that i cant seem to stop worrying. Im so hard-headed when it comes to this despite all the experiences i had that the things i feared have never happened and yet i still fear that it may.

  15. lorryt Says:

    john

    you can stop worrying, believe me, i am a worrier, and i hve recently tried doing this one day at a time, forget about tomorrow , dont dwell on yesterday. just live for today, it really does work. one day at a time and you will find it eases the worry a lot, and you may even find that you stop worrying in time. I understand we all have things going on in our lives that cause us concern, but if you cant change it forget about it. I know it seems easy for someone else to say it. Im not saying being impulsive and act on the moment but do what you have to do today and release the worry.it will come ,i still have a fear of things going wrong, but i cant change things, so i wont worry about em, they may never happen , and if they do i will deal with it as it comes along. it will all drop into place

    Hope it helps.. and live for todayxx

  16. Kamini Says:

    Hi..

    Hope you are all doing fine. I have 1 question. Did anyone of you notice the appearance of dark circles under your eyes. Please i need to know, because i seem to be obsess about it, though iknow its the effect of anxiety.

    Wait for a reply.

    I am confident Candie will surely reply to my question. But hope others alos do reply.

    Thanks

  17. Jules Says:

    Hey John, don’t give yourself a hard time for worrying, these anxiety symptoms in your body can seem to demand so much worry and attention, it will pass if you give yourself some time and rest and allow them the space they need. But not give them to much attention or respect is the way Paul puts it I think, develop an attitude of indifference. It takes some practice though!!

  18. Dean Says:

    hi all

    hope evryones doing ok,i think i am starting to come out of the cycle of anxiety.im still struggling a bit with the food thing and not totally eating evrything i used,but it will all come back.i think im slowly getting to a point where i dont care anymore what i put in my mouth and how my body feels because of the anxiety state and what feelings it brings up.and my mind playing its little games.im just saying whatever and slowly releasing myself to enjoying the food and trying to live as normal life as possible as if the anxiety isnt there.some days i faal off the wagon a bit and dont do so great,but i suppose its a process we go through.its like building a car i suppose you cant put the car together if you dont have the frame to put it together first,befroe evrything comes together.it takes time.and im starting to get better at it each day at a time.taking baby steps.

    have a good day all.

    Dean

  19. Candie Says:

    Hi Kamini- i have never had dark circles under my eyes so im not sure on that one. I know they can be caused from lack of sleep etc. People have them without anxiety too.

  20. john Says:

    Hi Guys

    Thank you very much for the advices. Im really trying to cope with what I am feeling now even the scary dull feeling in my head. Everytime i feel this i always think im going to have a stroke or something. Though this might not be really possible since im only in my late 20’s, the feeling makes me think about it. I doing to the best i can to accept everything.

    Aside from the pain and sensations, is it normal to feel constantly tired at my present state eventhough im not exerting any effort and eating right? Though i still manage to go out and do stuff, i still feel weak. What do you advice on how i can cope with this?

  21. Kamini Says:

    Thanks Candie. U r so Sweet.

  22. Camille Says:

    Hi Guys,

    Hi Mr. Paul! Your blog is really informative. Thank you for sharing your experiences and for helping others/us deal with this kind of problem. When I read the informations you wrote about anxiety, it made me realized that I’m going through this kind of situation.. But like what you said, I’m also very positive that everything will just pass and also pray coz it really works… There’s still times that can’t keep myself to worry about anything that just appears in my mind but reading/jumping to this site really helps together with prayers…. 😛

  23. Dean Says:

    hi all

    just a question why is it so hard to put on weight from anxiety when all the anxiety has made you loose weight.especially if you naturally a thin guy?

    dean

  24. Matthew Says:

    Hi Dean, I think you have almost answered your own question. Many anxious people I know all tend to be thin people. Not only sufferers of nervous illness but also “nervous type” people in general. They aren’t relaxed in their demeanour and always seem a little fidgety and highly strung. I guess all the racing thoughts, anxiety, adrenaline etc… tends to burn up so much energy. Depression on the other hand caused me to put on weight due to overeating. I’m not a doctor but that would be my guess anyway.

  25. Dean Says:

    hi matthew, thanks for the advice really appreciate it.you right because we so sencitive now our body is unbalanced so we feel odd things going on.just another thing ive kinda like attached to this fear of allergies,about the nuta and tuna thing and it hasnt given me a reacton before i actually love those two foods,but have been to scared to even touch them now incase i start reacting to them out of the blue.is it possible that anxiety can bring on more allergy sesitivities that you never had before or am i just being paranoid?lol

    dean

  26. Matthew Says:

    Dean, if nuts and tuna haven’t given you an allergic reaction before, and you love eating them then I would keep eating them. Yes, I think you are being a little paranoid but that is totally understandable in the circumstances as I know how anxiety can create so much indecision and doubt. Can anxiety bring on more allergy sensitivities that you have never had before? I guess it’s possible, but in your case a “what if” thought is what’s creating the anxiety. ie: What if nuts and tuna cause an allergic reaction? Again, I’d keep eating them especially if you love eating them.

  27. Stephen Says:

    Hey Guys,

    Havent posted in a while, have been doing ok though i am slowly making progress and feeling alot better, just trying to accept what ever this anxiety gives me. the accepting i think is getting easier but i still have thoes moments when i feel crappy again. The biggest fear i have at the present is that i will just go mad, or crazy or unexpectedly lash out – not that i have ever been an agressive type and couldnt even kill a fly! but these thoughts are so intense. and it really stresses me as i think one day i might crack and become crazy. Has anyone else felt this? i think because having a different mental illness other then anxiety is my MAJOR fear and always has been, i only need to hear the words Bi-polar and i am instantly anxious and feeling very uneasy.

    For everyone about the eating issue, If you didnt have an alergic reaction before the anxiety it is very very unlikely to start one. Anxiety is a mental thing and doesnt alter what your body rejects or accepts in regards to food. Keep eating because thats what you fear.

    Hope everyone is doing good, should get Pauls book this week can’t wait!
    hope someone can put me at ease with my current fear.

    Stephen.

  28. Candie Says:

    Hi Stephen

    The thing with anxiety is we always tend to think the worst- it is very common to have thoughts about other illnesses and losing control or going crazy. So dont worry about it, there is plenty of advice on this site about the ‘what ifs’ so look around and it will put your mind at rest.

  29. James Says:

    Has anybody noticed a correlation during their recovery whereby as your anxiety has less of an impact you tend to feel down/depressed a lot. Almost as if your body is trying to return to how it once was and is asking why it has been held back for so long

  30. Dean Says:

    hi matthew and stephen.you are right,thanks for the advice i need to break that cycle and face that fear at some stage cant let it rule my life.im so happy i joined this blog.you guys are really supportive.i think another thing thats also putting more stress on my body and anxiety,is emigrating to another country next year and leaving everything behind and friends and family that i have grown up with my whole life.keep up the good work guys there is alot of positivity rubbing off on eachother and alot of support.have a good day

    Dean

  31. Dean Says:

    p.s i think im dealing with alot of what ifs at the moment.thats what i have to break.and just let go and be.

  32. kevin j Says:

    hi all!
    firstly kamini your dark circules DONT WORRY i had them for about 3 weeks its just you are run down and tired thats what causes them rest will help.

    second john you feeling constantly tired join the club! ive been like theat for weeks and i try to make sure i get as much sleep as poss each night, i found early nights help me.

    third stephen i know exactly what your talking about and this has been my main fear but as candie said i think its just the anxiety making you look at the worst of everything, i aint gone mad yet!lol

    went back to work this week hell that was hard work but felt a real target was reached but still dreding going back again tomorrow main reason is because i work for myself so have to deal with the stress of running a business as well as ding my work. have been trying to do a bit each day just to bring in a bit of money as otherwise i end up worrying about paying the bills!

    had a ok week this week but having a hard time today been getting sicky feelings last couple days maybe just a bug and im thinking what if!?

    its really hard work to try and make myself think just let it be and the harder you try the harder it is! what a nightmare!

    so to some up i have faith that pauls way is the way but it isnt easy and takes time so im just hoping and keep telling myself i will get better!

    thanks for all your posts it helps me every day and i hope that mine is of some help to you
    all the best to you all

  33. Katy Says:

    Hi everyone
    Im having a really bad day. been doing great for last couple of months and accepting but today its got the better of me and ive let it scare me. I almost forgot how bad it was. Like you Stephen my biggest fear is going crazy and losing control. when im anxious, like today, i feel like im on the edge. The blog has calmed me a bit. I know it will calm down and i know its another setback but I just dont seem to have the strength today and lost my positivity. Thanks for you all being here.

  34. LORRYT Says:

    HI KATY

    you know deep down that things will get back to normal, its just your brain playing tricks on you. you have done so well ,and come so far as we all have. just be patient, it will pass.

    we will all get there xxxxxxxxxx

  35. kevin j Says:

    hi katy
    know how you feel am having a difficult day today, was fine this morning found it alot easier to get up today which made a nice change but as the day has gone on i have got the knots in my stomach back and feeling very depressed and at this time makes it very difficult to be positive and just be.

  36. mike Says:

    hello everyone.
    i know its really difficult guys when we are in the middle of this, or having a setback. Just try to stay patient and accept that this thing is going to take a bit of time. Its a journey we have to go through but if we keep progressing each day we will get there. have a good evening.

  37. Scarlet Says:

    I can most definitely relate to this Paul, facing my fears definitely worked for me and helped me recover (fully) from my anxiety. I read somewhere that you have to face a fear around 15 times before it disappears. Also when you have faced a few fears you become stronger and other fears disappear as well… so true

    Have a great holiday, catch you soon

    Scarlet
    xxxx

  38. Daniella Says:

    Hi everyone!
    I started feeling a bit better the last few days, but today i’m not feeling as good, the weather doesnt help! its so miserable where i am today.
    I also made the mistake of reading a forum on DP, and one post said that for a few people the DP never goes away, which has got me worried – does anyone know if this is true?
    x

  39. Susie Says:

    Hi Daniella,
    This is what we do when we have a low day, trawl through the web and spiral deeper into negative inward thoughts. I’m having one of those days too after several better days and yes the weather makes you feel miserable. On good days we don’t have time to surf the net, too busy enjoying ourselves. That’s the same with everyone else so only negative things get written so give a distorted view. Like all the other symptoms in time DP will fade if we don’t feed it. I keep coming back to this site because it is encouraging. Thanks
    Love to everyone

  40. Katy Says:

    Thanks Lorry and Kevin
    having a bad setback, i managed to go to work today although i felt really bad and wanted to stay in bed. But i know if i did then tomorrow would be even harder. I know paul says we have bad days just like people without anxiety but i’m feeling so tired of living with this. I thinks its probably the shock of it returning after having a good couple of months. Forgot what it was like, the stomach knots, terrible thoughts etc and its got me down. Sorry to be so miserable. Thanks for your support, it really has helped. x

  41. JoeyLowtown Says:

    Hey Guys,
    Off the subject slightly I know, just wanted to give the people who know me and the rest of you an update. I’ve been extremely busy recently, so rarely on this. I’ve stopped looking for the answers and letting anxiety be the focus of my life.
    I would say I am now 95% there. I’ve been feeling great, if not a little tired from working! The biggest barrier I found to recovery was trying to rush it (I discovered Paul a year ago) and also the realisation that recovery does not mean a life free from anxiety and stress!!
    I have regained my ability to laugh and be the joker I once was! I’ve been working exceptionally hard recently which has been stressful, but have rewarded myself with a trip to Prague, I go tomorrow.
    I have genuinely stopped trying to recover and in my opinion, once you do this, you basically have recovered! Stop trying to work it all out, because that keeps you focussing on anxiety and keeps you in the cycle
    I hope to reinstate my place as a forum regular where possible and help some of you get to where I am. I would like to greatly thank PAUL for his excellent work and let you all know that it will happen if you let it.
    I also found my regular emotion returning bit by bit, as Paul says it will. It was quite weird in a good way. As I naturally relaxed, a situation would present itself, and I’d feel a certain way and think “woah, i remember this now”.
    You may wonder if I had it as bad as you, I had it all, majorly, I couldnt function. Im 23 by the way, it robbed about 3 or 4 years of my life. Like Candie my most baffling symptom was thoughts, thoughts of self-harm and harming others. These have 90% gone, if I think them these days, it is because im making myself think them and now have regained the mental stability to laugh them off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    If it helps I had the most vile thoughts every second of every day, taking over my entire life, and I have never carried a single one through or ever acted in a violent way. I have now had my eyes opened into understanding why I reacted to these thoughts because my anxiety made me unsure of myself.

    WE ARE STRONGER THAN THOUGHTS AND ANXIETY, REMEMBER THAT!

    xx

  42. Jules Says:

    Hey everyone
    I’ve had a bit of a downer the last few days. I’l have a good week or two and then everything seems to get on top of me again. I went to see a doctor today who told me I should increase my medication and that I may always have anxiety and that I will have to find better ways to manage it. I’ve felt a bit down in the dumps really after hearing that. I do find it hard being strong and making my own decisions in the face of all this seemingly conflicting advice. Has anyone else felt like this?
    It’s like they don’t want to listen and they tell you what they think is best. I don’t know, maybe I’m moaning on a bit. The best take on recovering would come from people that had been through anxiety right? And people on here have said full recovery is possible yeh? So why do the doctors say that to people? It’s not right.
    Thats my rant…
    Thanks for listening…

  43. Candie Says:

    Hey Joey- that is great news… really pleased for you! I am at a simlar stage to you now actually- i keep feeling things like excitement for life, happiness, love, alll the good emotions and im like ‘wowwww i forgot about this feeling!’. I still have negative emotions too- but they always go within a couple of hours. Last week i got a low mood spell from no where- i pondered on it for about 20 minutes then i thought sod ya… i really didnt care and within a few hours it had gone asif it had never happened.

    Would just like to give Daniella some advice, as Paul says- we need one road. You are so vulnerable to interpretation and there is some really bad advice out there. Stick to this website, and if you have any other sites you go on that promote acceptance then great. Any other sites will create a whole host of what ifs…. googling really was my downfall for a long time- i would get such good advice from this website then id go google symptoms for further clarity but i never got it- i just frightened myself senseless and stripped myself of any confidence id gained previously.

    To all those that are in a setback, it wouldn’t be a setback if you hadn’t moved forward- it is tempory and always passes… soon enough the adrenalin will pass and you will wonder why you even bothered getting so worked up.

    Have a good week everyone, i have my first psychology exam tomorrow so i better go cram some revision in!

  44. JR Says:

    joey it’s good to hear the great news! Since I’ve been on this blog I’ve always paid special attention to you and Paul Mc because your anxiety and dp was similar to mine. I’ve also experienced the same return of feelings and emotions – it’s a strange feeling – kind of “ah ha, wow this is what I’ve been missing”. Just recently I was talking to my wife and some old feelings came back and I actually “felt” her like she was that special person I married and not just another person. It’s so amazing to feel this again. It’s not all the time by any means but just “flashes” that are getting longer as time goes by and as I accept all feelings, thoughts and sensations and just allow myself to be.

    Daniella I too read all the blogs and negative information out there on DP and would just scare myself into panic. Honestly it’s an absolute tragedy that there is so little info out there about DP. When you experience this weird sensation, it’s just natural to go online and search. Almost always you read something about DP disorder and that it will be with you forever. This is rubbish. DP will fade and then disappear. It’s brought on by a tired mind and this becomes clear as you recover. Feelings come back in layers. Sometimes DP will fade and come back as you recover, but just accept this. I still can’t believe how deep I was into DP and I’m recovering, just like Joey and others.

    Kamini I too had bad dark circles under my eyes and felt somewhat self conscious that people at work would think I was partying every night, all night and not being responsible haha! I got some dark circle eye creme that works pretty well at removing the worse darkness. The circles will go away as your body and mind recover. I also got unexplained rashes around my nose as part of my anxiety. Just another symptom that disappears with acceptance and as the body recovers.

    Kevin J the depression feelings and just feeling dull is something that I’m going through at my stage of recovery as well. Know you’re not by yourself with this and that if we didn’t have this feeling we wouldn’t be recovering. We’ll get there.

    Good night all.

  45. James Says:

    I think its great that ppl are coming on here with positive stories of recovery/near recovery as it helps those of us who still cant see a clear way out. Maybe someone could post a detailed account of the phases they went through i order to get there.

  46. LORRYT Says:

    HI

    I agree with you joey, i started on Pauls book about october last year afterbeing told i would be on medication for the rest of my life. after re reading it , the number of times i have lost count, and posting on here i have managed to stop trying to recover. although i do overod it sometimes and expect too much from my day, i work and have 2 kids and a house and hubby to look after. for example today i am very tired, and can feel low and a bit panicky, but i know im tired coz i have done too much, not all the negative thoughts of ohh here we go again, anfd feeding the fear. i have stepped back and started not looking inwardly, but beginning to enjoy my life again and starting to have a laugh and a joke with people. My hubby syas hes nearly got his wife back !! ( after 8 years ) boy hes been patient. I am convinced it will go this damned horrid anxiety, but we need to deal with each stage as it comes along and not to over analyze things which is what i did. i dont go into things too deeply now, if i cant find and answer i move on. i do get the odd thought of will i ever be better, but it goes and i carry on. my day isnt filled with constant worrying about worrying about recovery, if you get me.

    i tihnk i have grasped it at last , not to say that i will struggle from time to time, but i accept it will pass, and not question it and re examine what i ahev done wrong. relax the attitude and other things will follow

    all the best and have a lovely day allxxxxxxxxxxx

  47. Daniella Says:

    Thanks Susie, Candie & JR for your replies, i really appreciate it. I’m not going to search the net re. DP anymore – just going to stick to this blog. Thats really good advice bout setbacks Candie :-)
    I know i should be accepting these feelings, but some days i feel better at accepting than others, I think i feel sorry for myself too much as well – I keep thinking back to a few months ago when I felt fine and ‘normal’ and miss being that person so much. Sometimes i feel like a stranger to myself, like i dont know who i am and it really scares me – is this all part of the DP?
    Also sometimes, especially if i’m rushing around i suddenly feel like i’m not really there, and then i panic – did anyone else experience this?
    Good luck with your exam Candie
    Hope everyone has a good day
    x

  48. Nicole Says:

    Hi everyone,
    I don’t post that often but after reading Joey’s and JR’s posts’ I wanted to share that I have had the same wierd but good experience of having old feelings come back, having forgotten what it was like to feel at ease and happy. They are only fleeting at the moment, but it gives me hope that I am on the road to complete recovery. There are still waves of low mood during stressful times but I am finally putting into practice all that I have learned. This has been the key as for the longest time (2 years) I have done alot of reading and came to understand what anxiety was, but when it struck, my brave little flag would crumble and I would be back at square one again. I reached a point where I finally realized that I was not accepting, but still caught up in reacting to my symptoms. It is simple, but not easy. I have stopped trying to set parameters for how I should feel or have an emotional ideal, but just accept all that is there and try to resist the urge to judge or interpret my feelings as they are fleeting and as I learn this I have come to realize that our true nature, that which is happy and peaceful, will re-surface in time.
    I am not a patient person by nature, so this is something that I am learning to cultivate as well. Thank-you Paul!
    On and through, always onward.

  49. SAMANTHA Says:

    hi everyone

    i know i havent been around lately i have just started back at uni to finish my degree.

    all the physical symptoms have left me know but i still have the thoughts which on a good day dont have much impact but on a bad day they really scare me and lead me to feel so anxious the worst thought is i will suddenly snap go mad loose control etc while i know this is not possible with anxiety the thought is still so strong

    any suggestions anybody as this is the last thing to go with me

    i am having cbt but writing all these thoughts and challenging them is not working

    also i get really strange images in my head and my mind seems to race am i alone in this or please tell me someone else gets this

    samantha

  50. Nicole Says:

    Hi Samantha,
    I have had the images thing too in the past which I attribute to intense fear and imagination. They faded when I just stopped reacting to them and when I understood that they are meaningless, just an overactive mind that is tired.
    Those nasty thoughts seem to be one of the last things that I am dealing with too and I also have days when I am more tired or stressed and they seem to stick. But I have adopted an attitude of why not try just watching them come and go without making them important? They really are not that important and I refuse to live in fear. I am soooo tired of being afraid of thoughts. I guess that it has happened enough that it is just more of an annoyance now! Hope this helps.

  51. JR Says:

    samantha…i know its hard to do but somehow we must let thoughts and feelings go when we’re having a bad day. Remember it’s not IF we have them at this point but our reaction and attitude towards them when they do come. It’s sooooo hard on a bad day (which I’m having plenty of at the moment) but they are just thoughts that didn’t mean anything during a good stretch. I also have scary/strange images flash in my mind at times and it’s hard to not react to them. They are nothing and will leave in time. Don’t get impatience and let anxiety plays its tricks until there are no more tricks to be played.

    i want to clarify that even though i’m feeling better i still experience anxiety symptoms and sometimes severe. It’s a changing of the attitude that makes these symptoms powerless and gives your body and mind time to rest.

  52. jo Says:

    hi all,
    havent posted for a while, but i often pop in to see how you are all doing.
    just wanted to say to lorryt how well you are doing, you seem to have come on so far, it really does my heart good to see it!
    im doing really well, all my symptoms are much less now, and even when they are there, i couldnt care less!
    im having a bit of a trying time right now, as hubby has been in hospital for a week, having had his colon removed, and even though Im worried bout him and miss him terribly, ive only had the smallest hint of anxiety, just at the back of my mind.
    I cant tell you how good it feels, to be back on track and more like me than i have been in months.
    I couldnt have done it if i hadnt have found this amazing site, with paul and all of the really great people on here.
    thanks guys,
    Jo xxx

  53. Matthew Says:

    Nicole, I can totally relate to when you say the anxious thoughts are just more of an annoyance. That is exactly where I feel I am at. These thoughts intrude but not nearly to the same extent that they once used to generally speaking. That’s why set backs are a good thing. The more you have the easier it becomes to just see these anxious thoughts for what they are: only strange thoughts in a tired mind!

    In my early srtages of suffering it was hard to imagine being where I am now. I couldn’t see myself getting so much better. But by practicing the right way to accept these thoughts and by being patient you will notice gradual improvements. The “right inner voice or voice of confidence” comes into play far more often.

  54. Kamini Says:

    Hi everyone… thanks for your responses to my question. Well I have a good news to give you… and the news is… I AM PREGNANT and i am very happy.

    Cheers to you all and thanks again Paul.

  55. Camille Says:

    Hi Guys!

    I’ve been reading your posts and wanted you to know that I can relate to some of you esp. with Stephen and Daniella.
    I’ve been suffering with this kind of problem for more than 6 years now and it all started when I got sick. I dont know what’s happening to me, I’ve been thinking weird things and “what if’s” a lot that time. Those thoughts are really strong that it changes the whole me and it keeps me away from the things I used to do. But through prayers and reading words from God has been my sword to fight those ‘weird’ thoughts… Its been my shield through the years. Just recently, after giving birth to my baby gave me lot of stress, bad thoughts and ‘what if’s’. I had a hard time battling with my mind again.. All I said to myself was “here we go… I’m in a roller coaster ride once again”. There are times that I wanted to give up but there’s a strong feeling and voice inside me that tells me not to coz I’ve travelled so far already.. And I just let those ‘bad days’ to pass.. One day I searched on the internet about this problem that keeps on repeating.. That’s when I got to this site. When I read the informations written by Mr. Paul that’s the only time I was notified with what I’m going through and I was also informed that I’m not alone with this. Right now, I’m OK again! And just accept that perhaps it’ll not be the last time to feel so down again. But as always I’ll try my best to fight for what I think is right. And those are: PRAY, be patient, let it pass… and of course, reading posts from this blog will also help a lot to feel better… Have a nice day to all!

    Keep it up Mr. Paul! Your such a blessing!

    Cheers.. GBU..

  56. Paul David Says:

    Hi everyone, Just had a fleeting look through some posts and some very encouraging ones there. One to pick up on was Nicoles fleeting moments of normallity, this is exactly what happened to me, its your body and mind finding its feet again, reversing itself back to the old you and at first it is just fleeting moments. With me the same was true and these moments happened more often and came for longer periods, yes I could have a really bad week and I accepted this also, but I knew real changes were begining to happen, people don’t see this when they first suffer, they feel they will never be themselves again, like they have lost the old them for good. Don’t worry it is always there ready to re-surface.

    Thanks for everyones kind words also, it makes me very happy that so many are seeing good progress.

    Keep the faith

    Paul

  57. Dean Says:

    hi guys

    What really encouriging post here and i know im on my way to being my old self again.i think ive just accepted most of the feelings and symptoms and have started slowly doing the things i used to do.my mind is still overactive and i kinda like feel lost sometime and dont know what to feel i dont know if any of you have experienced it.and a little bit of dp,but im not to worried about that too much tho.just the very thing thats still gets me is the food thing and the allergies,although it has started to get better and ive just started eating whatever it is i can find no matter how it makes me feel anxiety wise and my body will start calming down and il eat with more fredom.just the nuts and the tuna thing i havent tryed again yet,but i suppose i will get over that fear.my body does want it so bad.but im just so fearful tho.i wanteed tyo hyave allergy tests done,but its just way to expensive and i dont have the kind of money to do it.so maby its a sign that i dont need them and my body just needs to re align its self and calm down.then it will accept all the foods.i really do enjoy all my types of foods not fussy.sorry for going on about it,just helps to express and i knw im on the right path.

    Dean

  58. Dean Says:

    sorry about the typo errors.i said i wented to have allergy tests done.

  59. Candie Says:

    Congratulations Kamini!

    As far as im aware yours is the first baby announcement on here… how exciting!

  60. colmc Says:

    hi guys this is only me second post,i have sufferd with anxiety for over three years.but a had a break through about march and was back to my old self.then for some reason i let myself slip back in (tired but cant sleep,vomiting,cant eat,bad thoughts,thats how i found this site,unfortunatly i found others that put me in more panic first its great to hear others do so well,i have just orderd pauls book and looking forward to reading it,im going to do some cbt again and also back on 60g cipramil althouth i dont think there doing much,any kind of tips or breathing excersises would be very welcome,thanks people

  61. colmc Says:

    im just wondering about diet im avoiding tea in work but would it be that bad to have a few cups a day if i dont im telling myself thers something wrong which probably increase my anxiety.

  62. mike Says:

    hi colmc.
    the book will definately help you with the anxiety and put you on the right path. try to not get too down regards the thoughts and everything else, you have found a good place to be regards anxiety. everybody on the site is at different stages of anxiety/recovery and will be able to back pauls advice up.

  63. colmc Says:

    cheers mike im realy low at the moment keep thinking i wont get better,cant get my head round what i have to do

  64. Lisa2 Says:

    Hi colm, they say to avoid caffeine, I bought decaf tea bags and they aren’t a lot different to normal ones, better than going without anyway!

  65. JR Says:

    I need some advice from the blog. So I went to get a routine physical checkup yesterday which I haven’t done since my anxiety/dp condition began. I got the results today and the doctor said that I have an overactive thyroid and wants me to go to a specialist and have more tests done and receive treatment if necessary. He also said I have higher cholesterol and should eat a well-balanced diet and exercise to bring the level down. I’m only 24 so that scares me a little but my main concern is this supposedly overactive thyroid. I didn’t know if anyone else has experience this or received information like this from a doctor.

    I did tell the doctor about my anxiety/dp and that I wanted to overcome it without medication. He said that was fine and of course that was better than getting on medication, but said if he prescribes Prozac for those how feel they need medication and struggle through their day.

    I just not sure what to do about this and don’t know if the anxiety is causing this thyroid problem or vise versa. The doctor did say that it could just be temporary so I’m not really sure what that means.

  66. Lisa2 Says:

    Think I’ve read that overactive thyroid can be a cause of anxiety, but your doctor should be able to answer that for you.

  67. Paul David Says:

    Colmc you say: cheers mike im realy low at the moment keep thinking i wont get better,cant get my head round what i have to do.

    You really don’t have to do anything which you will learn along the way. It really is about not doing. Not worrying, not obsessing, not fighting, all the things that keep you in a cycle. This of course is a lot easier when you learn more about anxiety and why you feel they way you do. So just hang around and don’t try to run before you can walk, don’t be impatient to be better instantly. Also don’t get too hung about drinking tea or coffee, in moderation its fine. Usually when people ask questions about food or drink, it usually means ‘Will it go away if I stop drinking it or cut out that particular food, is that the answer?’. Making changes to your lifestyle is important and helped me a lot when I excercised and ate better, but it was just a part of my recovery. Knowledge was my real saviour.

  68. colmc Says:

    i know i have to keep doing things like normal but im so low right now i just cant. i didnt go to work today my boss is worrying im a accident waiting to happen because my mind is else where.

  69. James Says:

    Can anyone advise me, please: i have been doing really well in combating my anxiety and fully believed that after 4 months i was well on my way to recovery. Then this morning, out of nowhere, i had this overwhelming thought that i was going mad/losing control/about to have a nervous breakdown. I could not get the thought out of my head having done all the usual things to distract my thoughts. It was/is so powerful. I was walking round the town where i live and everything seemed strange. I have (or at least thought i had) suffered depersonalisation but today was so different. I was also in my doctors for a routine check up just now. He asked me about my anxiety and then took my blood pressure and asked me loads of questions and then suggested i take propanolol to take the edge of my anxiety as i am very restless. I did this when i was first diagnosed and it did nothing. He then started to get pushy about why i should take them and generally had a total ignorance for anxiety as a whole. Moron! The thing is, the propanolol is to take the edge of the physical symptoms which i can cope with, its the mental issues that are really concerning me now. I felt like i had come so far and now everyhting has just been wiped out. Can anyone relate to or explain this. I genuinely feel like i am back at square one. Talk about denting someones confidence. It has left me really concerned. Rant over. Thanks.

  70. Katy Says:

    Hi James
    I am experiencing the same as you. Its a setback. I had been fine for a few months, accepting the feelings and dismissing the horrible thoughts and truly believed i was nearly there, then wham last weekend out of nowhere i was feeling a bit low and had a thought that scared me and i let it grow and grow until i believed i was on the verge of madness. Because i was feeling low already i didnt have my usual positive attitude and then i got even lower because i thought i was getting better and then this happens! But i havent gone mad and i realise now its just a setback, a bad few days, and if happens again i’ll remember i got through it before and its all part of the recovery. Yes its hell and if we can get through this then my god we will become stronger people.
    My doctor prescribed me Propanol on my first visit, but they really didnt make a difference to me, i tried 3 different medications but they made me much worse, but we are all different so it helps some people. I now drink Decaff coffee and Tea and it has helped.
    James you are not at square 1, its a setback, your memory and mind tricking you and giving you a scare, nothing will come of it, it will pass in time.

  71. James Says:

    Thanks Katy, i am sure you are right, the thing is, i have never experienced such a scary though as i did today or such detachment and that is why i am questioning madness. I also think i am seething at my doctor still.
    Its strange, we all read Paul’s book and know the tell tale signs but in reality it is difficult. Also, like you, i was making great progress, i have never taken medication and just got on with my daily life but incorporated exercise, good diet, relaxation etc so this has really thrown a spanner in the works. Yesterday i was walking round the city centre on my own without a care in the world, now i have become a neurotic wreck who all of a sudden is scared to get back out there. Just out of interest, did you literally feel like you were not too far away from being sectioned. P.S. I am not a complete nutter, just very anxious again!!!

  72. Katy Says:

    Hi James
    I and all of us on here know that you are not a nutter!!
    Yes the reality of dealing with anxiety is very difficult. When we are feeling fine its easy to think about it rationally and think yes i know how to deal with this, but when you are in the midst of it all rational thinking seems to go out of the window.
    In answer to your question yes i scared myself so much with the thought of going mad and losing control that my anxiety intensified and i felt as though i was just waiting to snap, but as always it died down. I was just overwhelmed by the feelings and it is so hard to stay calm when your body is raging. I had to go to a meeting at work while i was feeling like this and nobody even noticed, i felt like i was going to pass out or scream. BUT i didnt. As time goes on we learn that nothing bad will happen and you know what they say you have to go through the storm to reach the eye?
    i think the thought you had about madness got to you and you believed it which frightened you even more. you wont go mad or lose control, its one of the most common fears with anxiety.

  73. Katy Says:

    ps

    I have yet to meet a doctor who understands anxiety/panic

    have a good evening

  74. Candie Says:

    Hi James, Hi Katy

    You are having setbacks… thats all- but you must of being doing really well with your recovery to notice such a contrast compared to how bad you feel now….. it is only temporary… and will soon pass. Beleive it or not, coming through these will really help your recovery in the final stages, as its accepting testing times like these that help you gain confidence.

    It is only adrenalin tricking your mind into fearing thoughts, feelings and situations….. if your scared of something- move towards it and embrace it… keep doing it and accepting anything anxiety throws at you, eventually you will pass the final hurdle of recovery.

  75. JR Says:

    james and katy, I know what your going through because I’ve had a huge setback. I was doing great, accepting feelings and the dp and thoughts were just in the background, then, wham, the dp has become so heavy again and I starting to listen to my thoughts. I have lots of energy and feel like I should run around the world and never get tired. It’s rocked my back on heels and I’m questioning everything again. The hardest thing for me is to not dig and figure out what I did wrong. I think that if I figure it out I can stop doing it in the future. Then I try to remember how I felt in the good times and I’ll try to start forcing those feelings.

    It feels so much like I’m at square one, sometimes I can’t even remember things from Paul’s book that I’ve learned. I feel so lost and that all the effort I put into accepting is for not. Setbacks are really hard to accept.

  76. James Says:

    Thanks Katy & Candie, i can relate to the peson inside wanting to scream, i guess its the subconscious again. I must admit though, my conscious mind had me ready for chinning my GP, and i am not a violent person, i am definitely flight, not fight!

  77. James Says:

    JR, i can relate to the energy thing, i felt like i could climb the walls whilst also feeling very withdrawn for most of today. Almost as if my body was fuelled with nervous energy.
    Candie, just for clarity, what is the way forward, do i just ignore it and keep doing what has got me this far?

  78. Katy Says:

    Hi

    Thanks Candie, im starting to come out of the dark place ive been in this last week, mainly thanks to this site. im almost willing the anxiety to come to me so i can feel the worst and move on again. i had a lot of situations this week that i dread and have avoided in the past, ie meetings, theatre, crowds, but i did go against my instincts and went, even though like i said to james my mind was racing, body was raging etc but it did die down eventually and im so glad i went. im determined to get my life back, just got to learn to be patient.
    JR and James the energy thing, i get bursts of energy and then extreme tiredness, same with emotions i either feel really happy or in the depths of despair, its such a rollercoaster. I guess with your doctor James the anger you feel is more intense at the moment. Good job you didnt chin him!

  79. James Says:

    Very true Katy, also i am glad you mentioned emotional highs and lows cos that is very true with me. I tend to go from hyper, to reflective, to low mood. I should have locked the GP’s door and made him read Paul’s book!!

  80. scott Says:

    Hey guys-

    I ma new to this site but I have ordered Paul’s Book and am really trying to be patient. I have been through panic attacks, sleep problem and am left with one area that I really need to work through and for me it is a big one….I always seem to be monitoring my thoughts…physical symptoms are no longer problematic for me but I have a fear that my anxiety is “out of my control” & I just struggle to be in the present moment and as a dad/husband that is very painful to me because I love my family more than life itslef. My fearful thoughts do not bother me in terms of the content but more the “what is causing them” and “will this ever leave me???” type questioning. I think I know the answer is going to be “PAtience and acceptance” and that worrying is fueling my fire and causing me to look or scan for the danger??? Suggestions? thanks. Scott

  81. Sam Says:

    Hey, eveybody this is my first post but ive ben reading this blog for weeks now and i love to hear positive stories. its 2 months and a half i have anxiety and its so hard to deal with it…the mornings are really hard to deal with i get nausea, stomach goes crazy and i have no appetiate at all, i have to force myself to eat..i smoke cigerettes but i am trying to cut back…i am on fluoxetine for 2 months now i guess it helps…i know that we should stay positive but when the physical effects hit your body eg: stomach,naseau its really hard) the other problem is that i am fed up of feeling like this and praying for this to end…please anybody reply..Sam

  82. Daniella Says:

    Hi scott,

    I know what you mean – I always seem to be monitoring my thoughts and questioning how i feel – and i’m worried that this constant ‘checking in’ on how i feel is delaying me feeling better. But, from what i’ve read from Paul’s previous posts, its a habit we’ve got into and that our attention will be on ourselves for a while, and to just let it be and not get frustrated that it is. I’m naturally quite impatient though and the more time that passes the more worried i get that i wont get better or that i’m taking too long – which i know is putting pressure on myself.
    x

  83. Stephen Says:

    Hi everyone,

    Had a pretty bad day today, had probably a little too much to drink last night and my thoughts came with such an impact thid morning! and that despair and dread feeling took over. Like i have mentioned before my biggesr fear is having another mental illness and in the peak of a anxitety/panic moment it can feel so real. For example, i got anxious as i started questioning why i felt the way i did, then it goes into the what ifs and today it began with the fear of Schizophrenia which got me into such a panic because i look around n think ‘what if’ i hallucinate one day what would happen, would unreal things seem real. it got me really quite upset :( then afterwards i felt down and then i think well my mood has changed so it must be like bipolar. I think i have been doing a good job accepting the last week or so but today was a complete de-railment for me and the fear n panic over such stupid thoughts and irrational assumptions really got to me. This one thought i had today which really scared me and was so out of the blue was one day i would eventually fear normal everyday things and items like everything in general even like a strange looking statue or something. it really freaked me out and still makes me feel uneasy.

    Has anyone else feared other mental illnesses? i can be happy and feel pretty normal and someone just has to mention the word ‘bipolar’ for example n i feel the dread/despair n break out into a panic almost. Candie i read how you said we have to move towards our fears i have no idea how to do it for these ones. sorry about taking up so much space with my essay.

    Really good to here all the people making good progress, hope i will be able to write something more positive sometime soon.
    Stephen

  84. Scarlet Says:

    Stephen you sound exactly like I did a few years back. I became afraid of everything, didn’t leave my hospital bed for a few months. Just like you I had fears that I might hallucinate, fears that I might be bipolar, schizophrenic, you name it. Everyone I’ve spoken to has worries about other mental illnesses when suffering anxiety, so you are not alone, but it’s the anxiety that’s making you think that you have more than you have. Like you, I feared the word schizophrenia, and that sent me into a loop for ages.

    I am fully recovered now though, and the way I did it was like Paul said, to not give weight to the thoughts, just let them be background noise and don’t take the thoughts further (ie analyse them). It is difficult at first and takes practice, but you CAN do it. To do so, you need to get on with ‘normal’ everyday activities despite the thoughts (occupying your mind as much as you can with other things – and not worry if the thoughts are still with you for a while, which they will be and this will no doubt dishearten you, make you think that you will never be well again), but this way you are working against the thoughts and the anxiety, and it really does work in time, I didn’t believe it either, thought I was the only one that wouldn’t get well again.

    I know it’s hard, but try not to worry about fearing normal things, so what if you do, it’ll be temporary anyway, adopt a ‘so what’ attitude if you can, so what if I fear that statue etc. and when a thought enters your head that you know is irrational, say to yourself…you know what I can’t be bothered to take this thought any further because I’m too tired and I know that it’s going to make me anxious, even if you have to say this to yourself 1000 times at first, it becomes second nature in time.

    You need to get out and about and do what you fear (as much as you can and are able). I remember worrying about crossing this large dual carriageway with 6 lanes, so I went and did it everyday for a couple of weeks and the fear went, same with driving over bridges. I had fears about giving my baby a bath, so I bathed him everyday (twice). At first you will become extra anxious, and no doubt the thoughts will come thick and fast and you may panic, but you must go with it and ride it out…. Once you’ve overcome a few fears, the rest will disappear as well, and you will no longer worry about fearing everything. This is the way to go and as you recover you will become stronger and more able to do this.

    Stephen you can and will get well again, please believe me. I thought I was doomed to live inside my head forever, thought I’d gone to a living hell…but here I am living a ‘normal’ life and I’ve jkust moved to the other side of the world with my 2 kids, a far cry from someone on a psych ward 2 years ago. If I can do it so can you.

  85. James Says:

    Scarlet, that is an extremely inspiring story, i know it is not a case of classifying the degree to which someone suffers but you sound like you have come a hell of a long way. I must admit though, the phrases, ‘psych unit’ and ‘hospital bed’ did set a few alarm bells ringing. Nevertheless, the good thing about this blog is that it includes stories like yours which do give us all hope. Thanks.

  86. Scarlet Says:

    Hi James,

    Oooo sorry about that, I had acute anxiety during pregnancy whilst suffering pregnancy complications.

    Regarding the psych ward. I live abroad and they have special units for those with Anxiety & Depression (different to UK) and people who are changing ADs are admitted for a few days anyway, and they admitted me because I had no family to help me out and I was 7 months pregnant, so no worries (winks), but in hindsight I needn’t have been in there really, I know I could have done it without the hospital, but I really thought I had something far worse than anxiety at the time (not that anxiety isn’t bad enough), and my husband was really no help ….

    I have to say though that I didn’t recover until I came out of the hospital.

    x

  87. Candie Says:

    Hi Stephen…. i would just like to clarify something for you and anyone else who worries about the ‘what ifs’. I have probably had every what if regarding other mental health problems…… the thing is when you think about something for long enough and worry yourself into a high peak of anxiety you begin to think its really happening. It is called psycho-semantic… which basically means you have tricked your mind into beleiving something is happening even though it isnt and never has.

    If you where going mad you wouldnt be aware of it nor be able to stop it happening, it would happen anyway. None of these illnesses have happened to you… and if they where happening they would of happened by now. You are simply over reacting to an irrational thought, due to your anxious state and trying to stop something bad happening that was never going to happen anyway. I have done it myself lots of times…. but we really need to go against this and say- ok then if im going to lose it, go schitzophrenic, act on an odd thought etc…. then happen. The truth is it will never happen because alls you have is anxiety. A false apprehension of fear.

  88. Stephen Says:

    Thank-you Scarlet, words can not really describe how much better you made me feel, that is exaclty what i needed to read in my moment of despair. your experience sounds alot like what i am going through. so thanks again really appreciate it!. And Candie you are soooo right, i fear something so much i begin to create the symptoms. just coming to terms with how much energy i waste with this psycho-semantic business.

    Thanks guys, you really make the difference
    Stephen.

  89. Scarlet Says:

    Stephen,

    I am 120% confident you can recover from this. Everything you need to know to recover fully is contained in the pages Paul has written. Having been in hospital myself, I can honestly tell you that (imho) no professional can help you as much as someone who has suffered and come through the other end.

    It wasn’t until I started to find out for myself and fully learn everything about this illness that all the pieces fell into place and I realised that if I wanted to beat this ‘thing’ then I had to work against it, and do all the things that ‘it’ wanted me not to, even if I felt anxious doing them (I’m talking about every day things, going out, meeting people, going to new places, crossing the road, cutting food up with a carving knife, bathing my baby, boiling the kettle)…It took a year till I realised this mind (and lots of googling *winks*), and then a further 8-10 months til I could put into practice what I read.

    Recovery is full of ups and downs and there’ll be times when you won’t be able to cut off from a thought, or get the motivation to do something you fear, and you’ll worry that you are back to square on and have never recovered an iota… I remember someone saying on here that just because you have the tools for recovery, it isn’t an overnight thing…this is the truth, but try as much as you can to do ‘normal’ everyday things despite feeling crap and panicky, in the end this is what’ll get rid of it for you, and the more you are able to do things you fear, the sooner it’ll happen. So go to town and visit some statues, say the word ‘bipolar’ 100 times, in fact make up a ditty with it in.

    You can do it Stephen.

    xx

    Paul, how you doing my friend, l am here at my destination now, settled in and it’s hot. I’ll email you soon.

  90. Sam Says:

    nobody is replying why? what does his mean Your comment is awaiting moderation.

  91. Daniella Says:

    has / does anyone else ever feel so terrified and hopeless bout the future? sometimes i feel positive that i will get better and can accept my symptons more easily and i did feel i was making progress but the last few days i feel so scared thinking that i cant bear feeling this way forever. earlier my boyfriend was going on bout how much he wanted a certain car and moaning bout how he cant afford it, and i’m sitting there thinking i couldnt care less what my car looks like all i want is my life and happiness back. i was also wondering how supportive other peoples partners have been?

  92. Dean Says:

    hi guys

    how u all doing.have been getting on alot with my normal routines slowly again,but still feel very odd and lost.also veru emotionless in my world.im getting better at my food allergy fear.just starting to adapt a what ever additude although sometime its hard,vbecause u dont know how ur body is responding too it.weither its making progress,healing itself or not,which is frustrating sumtimes because you dont know what to do for urself.there are still certain foods that i still need to conquer my fear of which will all come in time.moving homes in a couple of weeks and then moving overseas next year which is going to be a major step for me and just hope i can satay strong that it doesnt affect my anxiety intensity.i knw i am sounding like im complaining alot,but its just shifting all the old mind set so i can bring in the new improved positive aspect of me haha

    have a good day all.

    Dean

  93. Katy Says:

    Hi Scarlett, what a great story and well done on your recovery, although i must admit when i read ” hospital bed ” it sent my heart rate up!
    Im having a crappy time at mo, lost my motivation and positivity. But reading stories like yours does make a huge difference.
    Daniella i understand also that material things mean absolutley nothing anymore, if one thing about this anxiety, it makes you realise what is important in life. I cant comment on the partner thing as i havent got one of those and i sometimes think that adds to my anxiety as i have no support and feel all the pressure is on me to provide for my children and keep everything together. But I also imagine that unless you have an understanding partner it must be hard. So many people do not understand how disabling it is and just say “pull yourself together”. Makes me so angry, as if any of us wants to feel like this??!

  94. Kamini Says:

    Hi Scarlet.

    Your post is just great. It has motivated me a lot and i have felt confident again. Yes, we can do it. We are more powerful than this Anxiety.

  95. lisa Says:

    hi guys,just letting you know i got moved ok.just borrowing a friends computer until i get mine back on.having a rough time at the moment but allowing .are you still moderating candie?? we will get a night out sorted in the new year. xx :-)

  96. Candie Says:

    Hi Sam,

    Yes your post was waiting in moderation, when new people join the site there moderated. If you would like to re-post your original first post so it is at the front with the new posts again- then im sure people will see it and offer advice if they can help.

  97. scott Says:

    Candie-

    Great reading that you are doing well and lots of others. I believe I have one last piece of the puzzle to put together and accept and it boils down to one thing – I struggle with thinking certain thoughts in certain spots and I attribute it to a brain disease…this leads to monitoring and scanning and a mental battle to stop looking for it. The thoughts and accompanying feelings don not bother me but rather I worry about what is causing them and I worry, worry, anticipate…..etc until I am up in my head always looking to see if it is there. I CARE right now alot as I just want to be able to get into the present moment and just be….If I can just accept that I am causing myself to look for it, I beleive I would recover fully in time….but it is coming to grips with this notion and not worrying that it is something more sinsiter at play. Any suggestions?

  98. Paul David Says:

    Paul, how you doing my friend, l am here at my destination now, settled in and it’s hot. I’ll email you soon.

    Hey Hi Scarlet, I saw your post and thought it maybe you through your words and experiences. I am on holiday in Spain at the moment and I am only on the computer as it is pouring with rain outside : ( Typical hey…..But had 3 good days so far and its a break, its rare I go away to be honest. Just a few words and then I better go, but do send me a email, i wondered how you were getting on.

    Your post is so very true and I am re-doing my book at the moment with more on this side of things. Going against all my instincts not to do something, no matter how I felt was where so many of my victorys came from also and something I do try to get across. The more you just `do´them and don´t follow the instinct to ´flight´the easier things get, your body says´hey your right, their really is nothing to fear´ and things become so much easier. And again you just use this same process to get through the next fear and you build up so much inner confidence. I can´t begin to tell you how many people I have helped in this situation where they have come back and said ´Paul wow I did it, I really did, I felt nervous and panicky but it died down, I just let it come and hit its peak and it died down and I was able to do it´ I received an email only yesterday from a women who wanted to go out running like she did before, but she feared going out, getting breathless and having a turn etc. I told her to ignore all there instincts and go, it took some convinicing, but she went for a run with no problems, she said she was almost laughing with joy after half a mile. She was overjoyed when she came back and could not stop smiling, she had gone against all her instincts and just done it. What confidence this has given her for the future and how much she has learnt from that one episode. To recover the first thing we have to do is allow ourselves to feel some fear, we cannot hope to recover without doing so, sitting at home waiting to get better and avoiding just does not work. People who stay stuck, are those that avoid any symptoms at all costs, avoid places and experiences. The first step to reversing this can be the first step to recovery and posts like yours give people the confidence to believe this, someone who like me has been there, done it and come through.

  99. Scarlet Says:

    Hiya Paul,

    Enjoy your holiday in sunny Spain. I hope the weather picks up for you.

    I agree totally that you need to push yourself, and the more you do, the more confidence you get to do other things, and of course the anxiety/depression has ebbed away at our confidence, and for me I was at rock bottom in this dept. I remember reading once on some phobia website, which said that to desensitise yourself from a phobia, it takes about 15 times of facing it head on before it goes, same with fears.. this number is about right I recall, by the time I was doing something for the 15th time, I usually didn’t think about it.

    And you are so right in saying that we have to feel some fear to recover and not hide away from it and limit our world. For the first 6 months or so I sat at home most of the time, almost became agrophobic becasue I was petrified of crossing the road, or having a panic attack in a shop. In hindsight this was the wrong thing to do, to stay at home waiting to get well again before I started doing ‘normal’ everyday activities. The way to go, like you say is to get doing them anyways, regardless of how you feel. To start with you will have innapropriate feelings and thoughts, these will not go away for a while, until perhaps after the 10th time of doing something… so perceverence is necessary, but once you start chipping down the wall, which you are doing when you go against your instincts/anxiety, it starts to come down and towards the end it comes crashing down faster. This is what I found, and is the way to go to beat this ‘thing’.

    Great that you are adding to your book, no doubt it will help many. Speak to you when you get back from your hols.
    x

    Daniella,

    I felt the same as you, there was a time when my everyday mantra was ‘I wish I was dead’ and then I would have times when I felt moderately OK, and then I spiralled downwards again. This is NORMAL for recovery, soon the good times will outweigh the down times. You most certainly won’t be like this forever. My husband was less than supportive, in fact I recovered on my own really. I stopped discussing how I felt with him after a while, becasue all he did was make judgemental and very hurtful comments, probably because I needed reassuring all the time in those early days. These days I am self-sufficient *winks*. There’ll come a time when you are strong enough to not let any negative comments bother you.

    Dean, it took me a good few months of doing ‘normal’ everyday activities before my ‘numbness’ disappeared. I had terrible dp for about 3 months and it came back regularly. As I started to recover it subsided and turned to numbness which I was able to function with, and then as soon as I stopped worrying about innapropriate feelings that’s when it started to disappear for me. Please don’t worry about moving overseas, it’ll be great for you… a new focus in life. I live overseas (just moved again to another country) and have never regretted it.

  100. Candie Says:

    Hi Scarlett… your posts are really good :)
    There was a few hurdles in my recovery thati couldnt quite pass, then i read your post about going against the anxiety and i realised i was still avoiding some thoughts and feelings! So now i am doing the things that make me anxious and its not that bad! I see now if you still fear something then you need to move towards it to stop it dominating your life.

  101. Carol R Says:

    Hi Sam,

    Do not worry. I too had the sames symptoms as you when I first started with anxiety. The mornings were terrible, I was sick, kept running to the toilet and the butterflies were unbearable. Unfortunately, I did not have a clue what was wrong with me and spent months having tests and working myself up into more of a frenzy! If only Ihad found this blog at the start of my anxiety a year ago, I am sure things would have been easier. I am recovering and the only way I can see forward is to accept it all. Do not cause yourself to becomemore anxious as you just fuel the anxiety. I have accepted all the thoughts and symptoms( and I have had the works!) but I promise it does get easier but it takes time. You will get there, just try and relax and correspond anytime you like. Take care. x

    Carol R

  102. Dean Says:

    hi Scarlet

    It is so awsom to see how well you have coped through your anxiety.its really encouraging for me to know that i too can get to that place of normality again.i think know the feelings of feeling odd and dp dont really bother me that much and some of the other physical symptoms like they used to,i just let them run there course,although i still analyse a bit and have my good days and have my bad days,but its all part of recovery.I have started slowly doing the things that i enjoy again,like going out and having fun with friends,which is a positive step forward and will eventually become something i just do and dont even think about anymore.im still a little bit hesitant with my food and allergies fear,but that is slowly getting better.i have been eating with resistance and my body picks that up and not with ease.which will eventually come right and balance itself out.i Think you right moving overseas will be a good thing for me and to start a fresh.Anew exciting adventure.i want to also travel all over the world too.im actually really excited come to think of it.well thats my news for now haha.keep up the good work scarlet,you are a real inspiration to me and so many others and that goes for everyone you has made it to the end of the tunnel and seen the light,you are all a good driving force for me to say im not alone and i too can get through this all and get back to normal.

    Have a super duper day everyone,because i know i am :)

    Dean

  103. Scarlet Says:

    Hi Candie,

    So true about avoidance keeping us in the loop. I remember when I was suffering I was always affected badly by news items, especially those which were about folks harming thier kids (I was a new mum, second time), and I got panic attacks thinking ‘what if’ I did something like that in an irrational moment. So for a while I avoided the news, which I knew deep down was wrong, because the only way to get the old ‘me’ back was to be able to watch the news and be able to react appropriately with anger or disgust or pity rather than be totally numb which I was. At the same time I also became afraid of household implements like knives, boiling water, things which could harm my baby…you name it. However, the more I avoided things, the worse my thoughts became and new ones were added, it was like my mind was constantly making up new things to fear all the time, I would just look at something and fear it.

    Then came a time that I really thought to myself that if I want to get some semblense of normality back, I had to continue with a normal life and accept that I may have anxious thoughts/fears, and just let them be… So I started to go out, take my baby to the park, meet other mums… and I turned a corner in my recovery. I wasn’t fully well, but I started to have good moments and I was functioning. I started to watch a movie each evening when the kids were in bed, and plan things that I could look forward to doing, and at first of course I didn’t enjoy these things as my thoughts were still with me, but as I kept on doing them…soon the thoughts were lifting for longer periods and I started to sleep better as well. Facing my fears was a major breakthrough for me, it wasn’t easy by any means, but it really works.

    I was reading up on this doc who dealt with folks with phobias, and there was one chappy who was absolutely afraid that he would kill his wife in his sleep with a carving knife, he had lived with this fear for a very long time…and never acted on it, but was convinced one night he would do it… It disturbed his sleep every night, his relationship with his wife was suffering and he had started to become afraid of other things. So the doc. told him to get a large carving knife and put it on his bedside table and sleep with it there ever night. To start with he panicked at the actual thought and it took him a week to be able to pluck up the courage to do it. The first few nights the knife was there, he was absolutely petrified, didn’t sleep, kept pacing the room and looking at the knife. During the day he couldn’t eat and his anxiety had gone through the roof, but he percevered as per the docs instructions. By night 4 or 5 he was getting sleep but it was disturbed and he woke up often with thoughts…by the 10th night he was waking up perhaps once and by the 15th night the fear had disappeared. This inspired me I have to say and after I read this, I started to adopt his methods with my own fears.

    Dean,

    Do things you enjoy as much as possible. Get out and about with your friends and avoid nothing. You will build up your confidence and your fears will disappear. I am sure you sort out the issue you have with food, do you have some allergies, or are you anxious that you might have?

    I am positive you can get through this. Have a great day yourself
    x

    xxx

  104. Scarlet Says:

    Just to add a bit more to the above with regards to the phobia doc. What he was saying is that when you face up to your fears, expect your anxiety to get worse initially, it is at this point that you are usually apt to give up and tell yourself that you are getting worse and so you better avoid doing it …however it is a NORMAL part of recovery to be more anxious at first when facing a fear, and you must take the risk because in the end this will be the antedote to conquering your anxiety.

    x

  105. Candie Says:

    Hi Scarlett… i have read that story online before! It is a good example of how anxiety can strip us of confidence and make us think irrationally. I used to have a fear of knifes etc…. i think with anxiety our mind can scan and look for problems…. then before we know it our thoughts are the cause of anxiety too. I remember having a pair of scissors in my bedside cabinet and thinking what if i sleep walk and harm someone, but then i thought no im not going to let anxiety make my word smaller- i left them there and nothing bad has ever happened! I have totally lost any fear of knifes etc now. If i fear something i am now going to put myself in the situations that cause it… it is the only way in my eyes to regain confidence to accept certain aspects of anxiety.

    This whatever attitude really works, if i catch myself zooming in and trying to control a symptom/thought etc….. i think to myself whatever, i cant be bothered to take this further as it has never helped me before.

  106. Dean Says:

    hi scarlet

    Yes you so right and thats what i am slowly doing for myself.my body is taking its own time to balance out and heal.regarding the allegies.i just get a runny nose and sneeze sumtimes from wheatt products and sumtimes dairy.the fear is that i developan allergy to nuts and tuna,which i eat alot of and enjoy,but havent been aable to eat it coz of the fear.coz of the bad reaction i hear they give u.i know i will get through this,its just gonna take a wile.

    Dean

    Dean

  107. James Says:

    When my anxiety started i was plagued by physical symptoms, headaches, stomach aches, agoraphobia, shaking etc but these are no longer a problem. As they have receded the mental issues i.e. scary thoughts, racing thoughts, detachment, low moods have increased. Can anyone explain this?

  108. James Says:

    I would also like to add a bit more to the above. I have now had anxiety which affects me on a daily basis since July this year. Since then i have learnt about anxiety and understand more and more what it is. I acknowledge that i am slowly getting better and keep implementing the things i have learnt. However, i then get feelings that my recovery is not quick enough, i then look on the net in case there is any other info that may help me, i then find negative info which dents my confidence and it goes round in a cycle. I know the obvious thing is not to go on the net but deep down my biggest concern is that having lost my ‘lust for life’ it may never return, and that scares me. I still find going to work really difficult. HELP!

  109. Carol R Says:

    Hi James
    Iwas just like you and kept looking on the net for reassurance that it was just anxiety I was suffering from. Unfortunately, you do find negative information and it does not help. I think the key to recovery is accepting you have anxiety and nothing else and once you accept this, you stop looking for more information. Also, all the time you are searching the net, you are making anxiety important and it becomes your main thought of the day. I have been suffering for a year now and with the help of this site and my cbt therapist, I am slowly recovering. It does take time and rushing it does not help. Just enjoy the good days and accept the bad, beleice me it really works. I also have lost my “lust for life” but throughout this tough time, I have always carried on doing wahtever I have planned. Even if I feel rubbish, I have gone to work, or gone out with friends and family and I find that sometimes Ihave completely forggotten I have felt rubbish and actually enjoyed myself, even for just a short period of time. Sitting at home thinking about it does not help. So my advice to you is go to work and accept how you feel and just get on with you day. I know it is hard as i too am going through it too like many others, but just keep in your mind that one day you will be better. When you allow yourself to accept your condition, it does get easier and you know that you have support from everyone else on this blog and we will all get through it together, you are not alone. Take care. x

    Carol R

  110. James Says:

    Thanks Carol, i think i am just too impatient and the ups and downs make me fear i am getting worse. Until i truly accept i am resigned to the fact that i cannot truly recover.

  111. Carol R Says:

    Hi James,

    You can truly recover, I beleive that we all can. My therapist and even my doctor have always said that recovery is not a straight line on a graph, but the line goes up a bit and then down a bit but eventually the ups get bigger and the downs not so low(if that makes sense).The downs are hard, I know but the ups are better! Rushing it is a common mistake, but go with the flow. You can do it!

  112. James Says:

    Your right, i have started to realise that anxiety recovery is like a game of snakes and ladders. You start off on the bottom and its a while before you hit the first ladder and then you can pick up quite quickly. However, one day you might roll a 5 and you just have to go where it takes you and deal with it. That is the reality. I had a good week when i stayed away from the net the other week so that should really be food for thought.

  113. Carol R Says:

    The Snakes and ladders theory, is a great way of looking at it. How about you do not look on the net for a few days, apart from this blog of course and let me know on Sunday how you are doing.Every time you feel tempted, just think of typing that you have resisted and how pleased you will feel with youself?

  114. James Says:

    That seems a fair deal. The last time i tried it i had a good week. The thing is though, you soon get dragged back in. It is hard, its like a drug. See you Sunday!!

  115. Carol R Says:

    Be strong. I know you can do it. Look up something nice on the net instead like holidays or whatever your hobbies are. You have the willpower to do it. If you do get tempted, imagine you will find something else to worry about. I usually did. It does not help beleive me and trust me. I have been there. Speak on Sunday and good luck. x

  116. Duya Says:

    I haven’t posted for a while, or even read the net too much searching for “anx…” — i.e. followed Carol’s advice; Having read this Carol’s and James’s correspondence, I feel inclined to offer my 2 cents.

    First off, I must say I’m much better now: I barely have the attacks in strict sense, and there are times when I forget about The Friend, especially when I’m busy; I sleep reasonably well; I do reasonably well in my everyday life, although I don’t enjoy it too much I must admit. As Carol says, “Even if I feel rubbish, I have gone to work, or gone out with friends and family and I find that sometimes Ihave completely forggotten I have felt rubbish and actually enjoyed myself, even for just a short period of time.”

    The aspect of this that still bothers me is that bland, plastic taste of life; as James nicely put it, lack of “lust for life”. Not that I don’t enjoy some nice moments, but I don’t have a positive attitude towards life in general. Still, I believe it will pass, I’m trying to live it day in-day out, and that I’ll ultimately find that peace and acceptance of what I am. I can’t say I’m feeling good, but I can’t say that I’m too bad either. That’s progress I suppose.

    For me, the greatest skill I had to learn during this period — and something I’ll hopefully keep for the rest of my life — is the ability to “float”, as Claire Weekes puts it. That’s difficult to define — it’s a skillset whereby you learn not to believe everything you think; whereby you’re able to observe yourself suffer from aside; whereby you allow those ugly thoughts and let them go, and not to burn your brain like an acid. Sort of mindfulness, if you like.

    Take care everybody, and believe that recovery is possible.

  117. Nicole Says:

    Okay, Here I go again and I am thinking that just trying to articulate what I am feeling might help.
    Things have been so great lately, and I have been feeling like I have reached new levels of understanding and freedom even though I have been experiencing alot of stress. Then I think the stress started to play some tricks on me… I started worrying about not feeling the depth of feeling I used to feel for my partner (who is struggling with a little depression which I know is masking his wonderful personality) and then I had a bad dream last night and the hormones are a little crazy right now as well. I can look at the situation and understand why I am having heightened anxiety, but I am disappointed in how I am scaring myself again and making things worse. I am even feeling afraid of the symptoms, afreaid of getting depressed and fearing going off the edge. It tends to be a frustrating circle. The head is spinning a little to say the least.
    I do feel a little better for getting this out and I am trying to see the humour in life, but this business is not easy at times.
    Thanks for taking the time to read this. Have a great day,
    Nicole

  118. Sam Says:

    Thanks Carol,

    For the nice post of encouragment..James When i read your posts its like you are talking about me..I am going to a rough time like you its been since July i have anxiety and its eating me up..i take pills anti 20mg and i do not want to go higher..every morning i run to the bathroom but i do not vomit just gag…i have dierria too …i lost my appeitiate i have to force myself to eat…always eat alot…and lastly my stomach is upside down.

    I always ask myself how long can i take this when will it leave…i know we have to be positive but when u feel physically like crap its hard…its a mission to go to work everyday…

    Carol or James or anyone please help

  119. Carol R Says:

    Hi Sam

    So sorry to hear you feel so bad. I know it is awful but beleive me it does get easier in time. I just tried to eat a little and often, even if just a slice of toast or a couple of biscuits because i felt worse if I did not. another thing which i found helpful was complan drinks. I got the strawberry one from my supermarket and to be honest if you made it with milk, it tasted like a milkshake. They do them in different flavours and one sachet is like a small meal. it has all the vitamins you need as i found that an empty stomach made it churn even more. Keep up going to work, don’t give into the anxiety, it will not last forever. Take care.

  120. James Says:

    Sam, that does sound tough, i must admit i am in a position now where the physical symptoms dont bother me as much. However, as soon as i was made aware i was suffering from anxiety i read up on diet and have stuck to it. No Coca Cola or Tea now for 4 months. I drink camomile tea, its naturally calming, i have a banana and wholemeal toast for breakfast, as well as a vitality drink, 6 for a quid in A@~A. Sorry bout that, dont want to get in trouble for advertising?! I also take vitamins each morning to try and regulate my internal functions and give my body what it needs. Remember, if you are struggling to eat, like so many things in life, its quality not quantity that counts.
    In addition to that i have not taken medication and maybe the feeling you get in the morning might be a response to your meds, just a thought, maybe you should discuss this with your doctor if you have not already done so.
    Furthermore, what i would say is that i too find work a struggle but as my manager always says, when times are tough keep batting or as i do at work, keep sweating, profusely!

  121. Imogen Says:

    Guys,

    It’s been a while since i have been on here….mainly because i feel i have fully recovered. I understand now that anxiety is just a natural bodily function – its our bodies way of communicating with us – but when you focus on it less, you’r less afraid of it and you break the cycle.

    Without sounding trippy whippy, i have been on a bit of spiritual journey and really believe that my anxiety was a way of very being breaking away from my mind – questionning my thoughts and fears. I don’t want people reading this to think i am a weirdo religious type, becuase i am not.

    I am glad my anxiety bout happened and feel blessed to have come through it and truely find myself. There is no need to fear anything of be afraid – life is not that bad. Its only the thought and fears the mind conjours up to keep the ego alive….

    If my message rings true with anyone (some ofyou mind find it too spiritual)….I would recommend reading Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of NOw and a New Earth – things will become much clearer adn you will realise that you are not alone and that the human mind is a biological function that can often take over the very essence of just being…..give it a go….don’t fight it…..go with it…..and believe me…..you’re fear and anxiety will eventually dissolve and you will truely be at peace and one with youself…..

    Remember, nothing is ever that bad……life is good……….xx

  122. Dean Says:

    hi Guys

    Just a question have any of you lost alot of weight due too your anxiety,no matter what the intencity of it is?

    Dean

  123. Kamini Says:

    Hello Dean

    Yes dear, when i first got anxiety I did lost a lot of weight. Because I had no interest in anything, not even food. I was only concerned with what was happening to me and how to get out of this hell.

    But since i started to recover, by reading Paul’s book, my weight has returned to normal. Dont worry you will also return to your normal weight. Just practice acceptance.

  124. lorryt Says:

    hi all

    i have been to disneyland paris for 3 days and its been pretty full on, cant say i felt totally comfortable and relaxed, as it was really hectic, i am very tired.And hence due to this things have been slipping back a bit , old thoughts reoccurring, things that i thought had passed me by and i had said goodbye to.Probably where i have overdone it and bad hbaits returnng without realising it. One thing that does make me wonder though , i used to love fast rides at the funfair, but eversince i had my children if i go on a fast oneit sets off my panic and anxiety.it has happened 3 times. even in paris it happened, i guess it must be to do with my adrenelin levels or sommit>?. i got off the ride yesterday and felt my throat tightening and so wanted to be sick. completely mad.
    DEan , i lost about 3 stone last year when my anxiety was really bad, i couldnt eat for about 2 weeks. my doctor told me not to worry as my body would balance itself out, at th etime i didnt beliieve him and panicked that i would wither away to nothing and die, i was so caught up in it all i was constantly worrying about it all. you are right Kamini it is acceptance, im still practicing it now what ever is gonna happen will.
    im a bit concerned that i had come so far and am letting 3 days set me back ,its quite hard to go forward only to be reminded that not solong back you were that bad.

    have a good day all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  125. Dean Says:

    hi kamini and loryt

    Thanks for the advice and reasurance that its not only me.i just panic a bit because im a naturally thin guy annd for me to loose any more weight is like im then literally skin and bones.so i just need to know what i can eat to put on the kilos fast.i dont know is it possible due the anxiety it affects the thyroid and ur bodies motabolism to overactive and burn the weight off very quickly,thats why im not putting on that easily?

    Dean

  126. mike pickavance Says:

    morning all,
    just to add to kamini and lorry dean, back in november 05 i went from 12 stone to 10 stone within the space of 6-8 weeks which was quite scary as lots of people were noticing, the football team i play for, people at work.
    i was like you lorry, worrying about wasting away.
    the thing that kicked my anxiety this time round was i fainted/collapsed at my mums house while would you believe taking a leak. this started a load of what ifs? will this happen when im driving while ive got my kids in the car.etc. had all tests done came back sound, but again what ifs were still there brain tumour so on.
    then the best thing happened. councillor introduced me to pauls way of dealing with anxiety.since then not looked back. had 10 weeks off work, been back since early august now. james and sam i know its tough and at the minute you are taking it bad, but believe me just keep accepting and progressing each day, you will find that in the near future you will be giving words of encouragement and support to other people who are struggling with this crappy thing called anxiety. have a good weekend people.x

  127. Carol R Says:

    Hi Dean

    When I first started with anxiety a year ago, I could not eat and lost weight. I found that Complan was great for me. I got it in the strawberry flavour(tastes like a milk shake) and you can make it with water or milk. One sachet is like a small meal and has all the vitamins of a meal. You can get it in various flavours from chemists or supermarkets. Perhaps if you tried this when you do not feel hungry, it might help that empty feeling you get in your stomach. I am fine now with eating, in fact I eat too much. Sometimes I am not as hungry as normal, but I just go with the flow and do not stress over it. My new way of thinking is that anxiety can not harm me and one day I will be better. I just accept how I feel(it is hard at times, I know) but it is the only way. Good luck. x

  128. Stephen Says:

    Hey guys

    Dean if your naturally a thin guy and do not really experience a change in weight when you eat different things/quantities of food you would have a fast metabolism obviously where your body breaksdown and processes food at a faster rate. Anxiety ruins you appetite! and you dont feel like eating ect so you avoid eating. This coupled with a fast metabolism is why you have lost quite abit of weight which is perfactly normal. your body uses lost of energy when stressed/anxious and uses up your food (fuel) alot quicker. Just try not to avoid your necessary vitamins and minerals and remember that weight loss is probably one of the most rational symptoms of anxiety. you will gain it back when the nerves settle down.

    Scarlet i have been accepting quite well laterly i think and am starting to come to terms with the fears of other mental illnesses i have accepting them and moving on. They dont seem to be bothering me as much anymore. I am having more good days these days but still do have somedays when i just feel down and tend to run off questioning why i feel like i do and why arnt i excited about life yet ect ect. Today was a good example was under alot of stress to get loads of study done for my exams and some other issues i was dealing with and in a slight moment of despair my thoughts quickly took over to make me feel weird and down/crappy. But hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. Does anyone have these fases where somedays they would feel down, doubt recovery and hopeless? its not as bad as it use to be but it still has an impact. And my approching overseas holiday in december i think makes me put pressure on myself to recover faster, which i SHOULD NOT BE DOING!

    Ahh well what is to be expected i suppose, better get some sleep as i have a large exam tomorrow fun fun NOT!. I know when the stresses of uni are over i will feel alot better already. Hope everyone is having a good week

    Take care guys

    Stephen.

  129. Sam Says:

    Dean,

    I too cant eat like i use too and i am a thin guy too…i freak out because i can not eat sometimes…i also have to deal with naseau which is hell…only at night late around 8:00pm i start to fell good and i sleep good thank god…but the mornings are hard really hard …how long more does these symptoms take place…i could deal with numbness but naseau + lost of appetiate is hard to handle…2 moths and a half…wow this is hard..

  130. Sam Says:

    James whats up …How do u feel today???Hey Carol hope all is well!!!

  131. Carol R Says:

    Hi Sam

    I am ok thanks. still have anxiety symptoms today but not too bad. I learn to live with them and accept them. know it is really hard at the beginning but it does get easier, beleive me. Just eat what you can and do not worry about it. take care.

  132. lorryt Says:

    sam

    mornings are the hardest and were for me too, absolutely crappy, but as teh day went on it GRADUALLY improved, and by the evening it was if nothing was wrong, it was the hardest thing i ever had to cope with but i did it and i was not a strong person, but believe me, you can get through this, something within keeps us all going. Nausea and lump in my throat was the worst, i was physically sick it was the pits, but i got onto this place and these guys and i am slowly getting back on my feet but the support i have received here is the best

    keep with it you will come through thisxxxxxxxx

  133. Sam Says:

    Hey Carol,

    Just curious what kind of anxiety symptoms do you get and how long is it that u have anxiety???+ what where the anxiety symptoms that left your body first..Sorry just curious….JAmes I am also interested in your answers as well as Dean!!!Just comparing…

    Happy Halloween everybody…..

  134. Sam Says:

    Thanks Lorryt,

    I found this Blog and it as helped big time..everyone is super great…The mornings are horrible and then yes it does get better through the day..night time usually the best…Someone told me that its not forever Anxiety and i love does words..you just feel like it takes the world to go or do something that u would have done with no problem before…thanks for the support

  135. Carol R Says:

    Hi James,
    The pysical symptoms left me first, the been sick, nervous stomach etc but then the anxious thoughts came in(not everyone gets them). I have had it for a year now but now accept the symptoms but still have good days and bad. but you will get through this and I will be here to help if you need to correspond. it gets easier, I promise. x

  136. Katy Says:

    Lorry

    I used to go on all the scary rides. motorbikes etc until I had my children. I think its just a mother thing, before the children we only had ourselves to worry about. i now worry if anything happens to me what will become of my children. A lot of mothers I have spoken to have said the same so I dont think its necessarily an anxiety thing. Hope you are ok, youve been doing so well.
    Have a good weekend all.

  137. Stephen Says:

    Just a quick questions has anyone had like a trembling hand or body parts as a symptom of their anxiety? when my left hand trembles i freak out thinking its like parkinsons or something. And when you have a bad day or days even if you feel awful and dont do a good job of accepting are you kinda like back at square one or is it more you have come off the recovery road to the side or like hit a dip in the road. It just stresses me when i feel bad again and think im back to the start. and acceptance is so hard because i say to myself i accept the way i feel yet keep thinking about the way i feel and why.

    Stephen

  138. Peter Says:

    Hi Stephen

    I often used to get trembling in one or more fingers which used to drive me nuts. Now I still sometimes get the odd spasm and just laugh at it! Don’t worry about having some awful disease – you haven’t, it’s just adrenaline in your body causing the symptoms and magnifying your thoughts. I used to find when I had a really bad day I always thought I was back at square one and I would never improve but as Paul often says on the site you can have setbacks of several days but you always come out of them.
    I finally realised that there is a pattern to anxiety and recovery. Once you accept that you will have bad days/setbacks you are halfway there to recovery. The key thing is to try to live as normal a life as possible regardless of how crap you are feeling. I would go into work with horrible symptoms and thoughts but am very proud of the fact that I managed to carry on doing so. You’re not back at the start, you’re going through a process which you will get through and come out of a more enlightened person as a result. I’m still not totally there yet, but am so much better than I was at the beginning of the year.
    Sorry for the essay!

    Peter

  139. Carol R Says:

    Hi Stephen

    When i first started with anxiety, my lips used to tremble uncontrollably form time to time. Now it does it just a little occasionally, but i do not let it bother me and it usually stops within seconds. it is just part of the anxiety.

  140. katie x Says:

    hi all havent been on here in a while as i think im improving greatly and try not to think about it all the time….. just want to say stephen the trembles i get them in my legs at times and i feel like i cant walk i actually stand there and tell my legs to stop shaking….but it does and will get easier only 6 months ago i was a complete mess constantly sick not eating or sleeping but now i just take it in my stride that impending doom feeling comes like something awful is about to happen but it passes quickly now because i dont dwell or worry about it because i know that nothing bad ever happens……

    its nice to see people on here who are positive and getting on with there lives i truly believed i would have to live with this awful anxiety and it was going to rule my life its not easy and i get so tired alot the thoughts go mad when im tired…..but im not scared nomore and thats the main thing for me and most i think its the FEAR of what may happen but if my body panics i relax and stay calm and let the feelings come and thoughts and do exactly what paul says come if you must im not scared and it works…
    take care all….xx

  141. James Says:

    Carol, Sam, just to continue our conversation the other day and in particular reference to the question re: symptoms. I had all the physical symptoms at first but thy have largely left bar a pounding heart and excessive sweating. To echo what Carol says, as the physical passed i too noticed the scary thoughts or irrational thoughts coming in, almost as if the physical was a barrier against them. In reality you get consumed by the physical problems and when they recede the mental issues take greater precedence.
    Now, i have these irrational thoughts when i am not busy and they thrive on a lack of activity. The problem with anxiety is that you are scared to go out and do things which gives you more time to stay home and think which is the worst thing you can do. That is why Paul tells us to get on with our lives, because the more introspective we become the greater the suffering. Since Friday morning i have been so busy doing things (real world things) that i have not given my anxiety any real time to work its tricks which is ultimately the way out, it seems to me that we just need to break the cycle. The blog is good for support but as Carol said, keep away from all other anxiety medium if you can as you are only perpetuating the anxiety by keep referring to it. In an ideal world we would not want anxiety and would never use the blog or type anxiety into google. Likewise, our end goal is a time when we dont need the blog because we dont need re-assurance. I am sure you can see where i am coming from but i accept its hard.

  142. Sam Says:

    Hey James and carole,

    your right James, if we give i attntion its worse..my physical symptoms are there at the moment..stomach + lack of appetiate..well they are related because when my stomach acts up i start to think can i eat later and someimes its no… ate the facy anxiety takes away lack of appetiate.i love to eat…he mornings are still hard just gaging for 5 minutes and then cannot eat..but i amm taking eveybody’s advice just accept it it will get better..and in the begening of anxiety its hard to accept all these symptoms. its like someone stole your pasion of life and doing thinks…how long are the months that everybody finally started to se a diffeence in there symptoms and didn,t pay attention to anxiety no more..i know everybody is different…thanks t o u guys for the help

  143. James Says:

    Sam, i was just like you pal, i wanted to know how long it would take to reach normality (what is normality?), almost as if someone would say… James, on February the 9th at 4:37 the anxiety will turn off and you will be back to normal forever. I am learning now that having done this over the past few months i put pressure on myself. E.G. someone said you can turn it around in a matter of weeks. When 3 weeks passes you beat urself up as to why the miraculous change has not occured. There is no timescale. You have to put yourself back out there and eventually you will stop asking these questions. Its like learning a new skill, riding a bike, you will fall off at first on a regular basis. One day tho, you will have the skills, tools, methods and will cycle off into the distance leaving your anxiety (stabilisers) behind. Sorry to sound a bit hard line. I look at it this way. If Paul said to me, ‘James, as a percentage, how much of my advice are you incorporating into your life right now?’ i would be lying if i said 100%. But if you keep building yourself up then one day you will honestly say 100% and this is when you will reach where you want to be. This, i can only assume, is why people further down the line stress that recovery does take time.

  144. Carol R Says:

    Hi James

    Have you managed to keep of the anxiety sites? You are right about setting a timescale, it does not work. Also, I find it hard to practice what I preach at times. Some days you are strong and it works, but other days it seems so hard. I am struggling at the moment, but know in a few days I will be back on track. What a roller coaster of a ride, this is!

  145. lorryt Says:

    i think we all do that as we have been through so much we need to know when it will end so we can let go . but there is no timescale, as i am discovering, just get on with life ,as hard as everyday can seem at the moment. it is as Candie said to me a leap of faith and just say sod it and get on with things. but that comes in time when you feel ready i guess. it took me a long time , and i am still learning. Its a combination of things for me i guess, but it now seems like i am making progress without realising it. i am gabbling but have faith in your own body and just let the thoughts go, you can do it.

    i will leave you all in pece now !!!! xxxxxxxxx

  146. James Says:

    Hi Carol, yes i have stayed away and feel really good for it. Had a good weekend filled with enjoyable stuff. However, as you say, the hard part is maintaining that attitude and as i often say, when you are alone and bored you get dragged back in. What this tells me is that recovery is in all of us and those who recover sooner are more than likely those who are prepared to put the hard work in and also be consistent

  147. Stephen Says:

    Hi james, good to hear that you felt really good for staying away from websites i also made this difficult choice not so long ago but feel so much better for it. The stuff i would manage to come across i would sit at the computer in complete and utter dispair having read something and convinced myself i had that particular illness. It would make me feel completely hopeless and make my blood run cold at different things i use to read and worcen my already bad anxiety. But maintaining that attitude is very difficult at time, there are times when i am distracted and feel fine, then suddently think ‘how do i feel’ then i feel down and anxious, like clock work really.

    Thanks peter, carol and katie for reassuring me about the trembling issue, i also get it in one or two fingers and ocasionally my leg. Does anyone ever feel down with this thing? i dont think its like depression, some days i just feel down with my anxiety and abit hopeless always fueled by my thought patterns. i find this the most difficult symptom because i fear becoming majorly depressed. just hate not really looking forward to anything or having any interets. Is this normal and do i just accept it and move on without getting into the self pity thing?

    Have a good week everyone!

    Stephen.

  148. Stephen Says:

    oh an also does these depressed feelings go when the anxiety gets better? sorry forgot to put that into my last post.

    stephen

  149. James Says:

    Stephen, you sound much like me, bewildered in the beginning but moving forward with learning. About 2 months into my anxiety I started feeling very low. I do not believe it is true depression we feel but infact it is a thorough case of being naffed off because we are less afraid than we were and realise we are not living the quality of life we should be and that gets us down. Is that logical.
    We have to start to live again in order to have the sane feelings we once did. That is why recovery needs us to break the cycle of anxiety-avoidance-annoyance etc. In a nutshell it will get better and i am sure there are hundreds of people, past and present, on the site, who agree. Also Stephen, another thing i do is look at older post topics from 3-6 months ago. Do you recognise many of those names as being around now? I dont and i think that is because they are moving on with their lives which we hopefully all will do but for that crucial factor, Time!

  150. Carol R Says:

    Well done James. Knew you could do it. Now see if you can keep off the sites until say Friday. If you get alone and bored, just go on the blog and let people know what you are up to. Let me know how it goes. Stephen, yes I do have days when i feel down but I just accept them and carry on with what I am doing. Just do not avoid any situation or invitation out, go anyway. It can only make you feel the same or even better.

  151. Dean Says:

    hi guys

    Sorry for the late response,getting back to the eating and food story.i dont think its that i dont have an apetite and dont want to eat,its actually the opposite im always hungry and always want to eat.its just i eat with alot of resistance and not with ease and all the foods i used to enjoy eating and never gave a second thought of eating.im to scared to touch incase it will start a food allergy or sumthing.i dont know why im struggling with this fear so much.this to respond to sam,kamini and loryt and whoever els responded to myy prev mesage.do i just face the fear or how do i get past it.

    Dean

  152. Scarlet Says:

    James you have the right attitude and I know you will recover. Yes I’d say the depression comes because we are totally naffed off with the quality of life we have, and it’s limitations, and I would honestly say that before my anxiety I was never really depressed, down sometimes maybe, but not in the same way. It was much easier to pick myself up as well.

    I don’t think you can be fully better in a matter of weeks, but you can come a hell of a long way in that time. In hindsight, I now look at anxiety as my past hobby, which has been taken over now by other things. imo those that recover sooner get engrossed in their new hobby sooner that’s all. This is hard mind you for those of us who have mundane lives, like looking after kids, shopping, household chores…and I am convinced it takes longer for folks like us, becasue we have more time to ruminate whist doing boring tasks most of the day. Perhaps those who engage in a new hobby like white-water rafting or other outdoor pursuits get better quicker, but they are in the minority. ;-).

    Stephen staying away from websites is a good idea, you can always come back once in a while, but sometimes reading others woes, or some news item that you analyse to death doesn’t help. I had my breaks as well, though like most was an avid googler. I too had shakes and eye twitches, and heart palpitations, and IBS…all gone now I’m glad to say. At one time I used to analyse every little feeling and woke up immediately asking myself how I felt, which sent me in a downward spiral for the day. It’s normal to feel hopeless and not really look forward to anything, but it goes, I promise you…sort of all tapers off together as the anxiety subsides.

    Dean percevere with the food. I did a lot of things whilst being emotionless or half scared to death, and they became second nature after a while. This is the way to go. Have you had an allergy test to rule out everything, if so then I would go for it. You could always dip your finger in the food and do a taster on the first few occasions. I remember when I was suffering I worried in case I would have an allergic reaction to a hair dye, and so for months I didn’t dye my hair with worry until I saw my grey hairs poking through and I thought what the hell, so what if I come out in a puffy face, at least I won’t be grey, so I did it…and guess what, all was fine and it’s a lovely chocolate brown colour now, not a grey hair in sight. :-) You can do it with food Dean, I’m sure of it.
    xx

  153. Dean Says:

    hi Scarlet

    yeah you right,its just i have scared myself so much with it.i havent had a problem with any foods in term of allergies,except for like wheat stuff and certain dairy.i just start to sneeze and my nose runs but other then that ive neva had problems with that.i havent had an allegy test done they just too expensive.thanx scarlet im slowly getting there i suppose.just been eating alot of fast foods,but its just there.and you cant really sit and cook anything healthy when you at work although i do bring food from home and also when im home try have a combination of both.

    dean

  154. James Says:

    And true to form i am currently experiencing a setback. Felt a bit jittery this afternoon, fell asleep and woke up feeling bad, scry thoughts, mind racing etc. Oh cruel world.

  155. Carol R Says:

    Don’t worry James, must be the weather! I am too feeling rubbish today. Have had too really good weeks since halving my anti dep medication(under doctor’s and therapists help). Went to see my therapist last week and told him I felt anxiety had gone. Felt so positive til he told me it had not gone and still had work to do. Since then have felt rubbish and analyzing myself again. Why do I focus on the negative things people tell me. Wish he had not said that or would I have felt like this anyway. ?
    Hate the setbacks, but know we will all get through this. Take care everyone.x

  156. Stephen Says:

    its funny Carol, you can have ten positives things said to you in a day and one negative and although the positives greatly outweigh the negatives we focus on only the negative and bring our selves down. I know when things and words people say often remind me of anxiety whether your feeling good or not often sends that rush through your body and puts you on alert. But as paul says recovery is when things like this shouldnt bother us. I remember feeling great a couple of weeks ago had quite a good week was walking into uni and saw a borchure on the ground which said “could you be bipolar” like a fact sheet and that send me into complete disaree and dispair.

    I suppose when something is said to use like your situation or when we read or see something like mine, there are thoes crucial moments that what we decide to do will altimately greatly impact on how we will feel for the day ect. So like instead of thinking ‘i thouht i was better, but by the therapist saying i need more work makes me feel awful” ect. Something better to say would be. ‘Oh Ok well im feeling pretty good now, if there is still work to do imagine how i would feel when i have done that extra work!’ I liked how scarlet said she saw it as an old hobby, kinda have to complete all the moduels before we can finish the course lol. Im still struggling myself and have appreciated your advice to me, i hope that this somewhat helps.

    Take care

    Stephen.

  157. Sam Says:

    Hey James & Carol,

    Well since friday through sunday i must say i felt ok…symptoms were there but i paid little to none attention to them…i ate ok more than the start of the week…flt more happy and most of all positive. mornings well they are still hard but e have to tay positive…i hope james and carole its a little setback and you guys get back as soon as possible…Because when i read both o yours posts to help me well it gave more the will to be more positive…and i agree negative thoughts really take over the positive thoughts..why???because w must give more attention and time to the negative thoughts…anxiety is a hard ride but we must ride this feeling to the floor to get better…
    Thanks to James + carole and everyone who supports with there posts

    Sam

  158. Carol R Says:

    Thanks Stephen and Sam

    It is lovely to know I have support from you guys. I am just accepting how I feel today and try not to dwell on it. I am determined not to spiral down again but I know it is hard work, but am determined to do it. It is like they say, a setback always feels worse on the back of a good spell as it reminds you of what it was like. Take care everyone, have a good week. x

  159. lorryt Says:

    Hi All

    well i am having a bad one this morning, thrown up and shaking while im typing this, dont know whether its the fact that i have down too much over the past week, or my hubby is getting low and when that happens he gets really angry i hate it. i am stressing about it all to the point i feel everything creeping in again and its not good. it may be also where i am coming off my medication, but i am really struggling. i know its just my nerves, but im scared of all the thoughts again. why does this happen, for the past month or so i have nearly been feeling myself again after all those years of being on meds and having panic attacks and depression. i am trying to stya clam and carry on as normal as i have ot go to work and the kids need looking after but today its proving really hard, to th epoint that i dont even want to speak to my hubby ( usual phone call in the morning to see how he is, busy day and all that !). i can feel the adrenelin rising and the thoughts coming in , and its really scary.im not panicking about the adrenelin, but the thoughts of me really hating and despising the very person i love. whats going on??????? please help me i know im rambling but i need to let off some of this and i know you guys understand. i was watching gmtv this morning and they were talking about stress etc , .quite apt really. now im getting dizzy. its so hard

  160. Carol R Says:

    Hi Lorryt

    Try not to worry. I too have had a couple of good weeks after reducing my meds by half and now am not feeling too good. Remember that recovery is an up and down affair and unfortunately, you have to just go with the flow during the bad times. If not, you just spirral down again and it takes you longer to get back up. You know that deep down you do not hate your husband, it is just the anxiety playing tricks on your mind. I too get awful thoughts about husband, son and anyone else for that matter and at times it feels so real, but i have learnt to say”OK this is how I feel now, it will not last forever so go on anxiety, do your worst. You can not kill me and one day you will not be there, so i don’t care what you do to me or make me think”. It is tough, I know and there are times when I feel I am going crazy, but then I think “I can sit and cry and feel sorry for myself or I can get on with everyday things, however hard”. And beleive me the only option is the second one as the first one will just make you feel worse.
    My advice to you is to go to work, despite how you feel and try and have a normal day as possible. Accept todays feelings and just remember you have had a good month. It always feels worse when you have had a good month, but at least it means you are recovering as you have had a good spell. Do not beat yourself up about today and tommorrow you may feel better. We will all get there and are all here to support you. Take care . x

  161. Carol R Says:

    Good post,Scarlett. Might take up bunjee jumping or something!!!!(only kidding). Ironing is the worst one for thinking, I usually put on the radio or some music.
    x

  162. LORRYT Says:

    THANKS CAROL

    i know its hard, and i am here at work i have calmed down and stepped back from the situation, why am i getting like this again??. the one thing i understand now is that it is only nerves, but god they can play havoc with you. its horrid and after such a great time in disney land its a bit crap really, but i know i cant do a lot about it, i have a cry and let it out as i do find it frustrating, but im not gonna let it get me depressed. thanks guys it means a lot to me

  163. LORRYT Says:

    sorry me again, its the feelings that come with such force, i had forgotten what it was like. im beleiving them though arent i , thats what is scaring me i guess. How can i hate someone i love so much?????. it takes over my body and i end up giving him the evil looks for no reason, then i hurt him and off we go!. this is so hard, its unreal.

  164. katie x Says:

    hey lorry u sound jst like me i get those thoughts with my partner and sometimes i find myself staring at him like i dont know who he is but i dont tell him because he wont understand…..u just have to remember there just thoughts go and give your husband a big hug tonite it really works 4 me. sometimes when im having a good moment it feels like i havent seen my partner 4 ages its like ive missed him so much but he hasnt been anywhere… realise the thoughts are a pattern i know that now because when i feel the symptoms coming i know what im going to start thinking before it comes if that makes sense….just relax have a nice long bath close your eyes and forget about it you know you love him he knows you love him to…. take care x

  165. lorryt Says:

    thankyou katy x

    i spoke to him when i got home and told him i get phantom feelings, and he understands, he gets very angry feelings when he struggles, and at the mo we are both suffering and i think we wind each other up the wrong way. hes very understanding, told him what i was feeling had a good cry he understands and just lets it go. he has had to learn how to handle his deprtession/anxiety ! we sound a great household , but we have been together f0r 14 years and have 2 lovely girls. and i worry too much about them. i know it will allstop oneday but on a bad day it seems neverending

    thanks guys x

  166. Carol R Says:

    Hi Lorry

    How are you feeling today. Hope you feel better than yesterday. Glad you spoke to your husband, I always think it helps to talk and not bottle it up. I wish you both well. Be strong, you will both get through this time. Take care. x

  167. lorryt Says:

    hi carol

    i had a chat and he totally undstands, i am felling ok which is an improvement, and i havent been sick! thats a start i guess, i always say its good to talk , despite my husband having verbal diarhoeaa( spellings!) he doesnt talk about his feelings much , guess thats men. we both just ned to get better for us and our kids and with our inner strentgh and support im sure we will. Thanks carol, hope you are well, xxxxxx

  168. Dean Says:

    hi scarlet

    i just wanted to know if you got my prev message i sent?

    regards
    Dean

  169. Carol R Says:

    Hi everyone

    just wondered if anyone can help. I have had anxiety for a year now and have just halved my anti dep medication which I found tough. I have had a couple of good weeks but now am experiencing physical symptoms again. It is like the thoughts I can cope with, so now it is trying a different tactic. I hate this feeling and would welcome any advice. Thanks. x

  170. Sam Says:

    carol,

    maybe you are thinking that by halved my anti dep medication i cant make it like i use too…remember what you told me be strong and the physical symptoms will go away…your probably being hard on yourself or thinking too much about it…laugh it off….do something else..hope this helps because you always seem to help me…

    Stay in there SAM

  171. Carol R Says:

    Hi Sam

    Thanks for the lovely post, it means a lot. How are you feeling today? You are right, I can’t seem to stop analyzing how I am feeling. Know it is just another symptom of anxiety but am determined to enjoy the day. Hope you are Ok and have a good day too. x

  172. Sam Says:

    Hey carol,

    Feel ok, but friday till tuesday felt really good….today i am too analyzing how I am …well we will get through it ..have a great day

    Sam

  173. Carol R Says:

    Hi James.

    How are you doing? Have you managed to keep of internet sites this week. I refuse to go on them now as always find something to fuel my anxiety. It really does help, after all, there is nothing else to know other than what we all experince. Hope you are ok. x

  174. Scarlet Says:

    “hi scarlet

    i just wanted to know if you got my prev message i sent?

    regards
    Dean”

    Hey Dean,

    Just noticed this and have read your post. How you doing with regards to eating now, have a couple of weeks made a difference?, are you tasting new foods without worrying so much.

    S
    xx

  175. Carol R Says:

    Hi Sam

    How are you doing today?
    x

  176. alex Says:

    i started suffering from anxiety last year in october. the first three months i had no idea what was going on with me i felt bad for myself and was very scared i might stay in it forever. then i got over feeling sorry for myself and little by little as i did all my daily activities i stopped giving it importance and came out of it completely by the beginning of this summer, still unaware it was anxiety. i enjoyed it so much, being free and confident! more than i had ever been!

    summer finished and since mid september i have been pulled back into this horrible phase and cannot stop obsessing about it! I FEEL LIKE I INEVITABLY HAVE TO GO THROUGH ANOTHER COUPLE OF MONTHS OF SUFFERING like i had to last time in order to once again start improving. AM I RIGHT?

  177. alex Says:

    and i find this way too difficult to accept.

  178. Brad Says:

    I just love this post. I’m having a crappy anxious day but after reading this I am getting back to where I need to be. Instead of dreading tomorrow and another day I am looking forward to it. Face it head on and whatever happens it’s ok! A small set back for me is ok. So much going on in my life it’s normal to feel these emotions and that’s what makes us human

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