Why does my anxiety seem to get worse?

Hello everyone, the title is just something that has cropped up a lot recently and I wanted to cover. Before I do a few words. Firstly I am going away for a week in a month, just a holiday and Candie will be moderating the blog for me while I am away and maybe helping beyond that. All comments are moderated, as I don’t want mixed messages coming through or people promoting their useless affiliate products on here, which they keep trying. I also want people to be helpful and supportive, which is very easy to moderate as we have a very nice bunch of people on here. Candie also takes the time out to answer a lot of people and is very helpful and someone I trust a lot, so thanks for helping me Candie.

Secondly I am starting some voulantry work next month. Its on hospital radio and two evenings a week. I think most or each hospital do it. You get to chat with patients, ask what they want played and learn all about how to work in the studio and eventually get your own slot. It is something I am very interested in and can’t wait to get started.

O.k todays post came from a post on the blog, which went something like ‘How do I get rid of this thing’ The ‘thing’ being anxiety. I must admit when I first suffered I did know know what the hell was up with me and just thought it would pass like a cold. Well obviously it did not and then I started to worry and obsess about it, especially when everywhere I turned nobody was giving me any answers. So a lot of people do believe they have been unlucky and question why did anxiety come to them.

Well anxiety does not chose certain people, it is not something that you just get like a cold. Anxiety is the result of your body being over worked, be it through long hours, stress at worrk, a problem or collection of them that you worry about. You over work your body and it breaks down, your nerves have been battered so much. that they go ‘bad’ if you like. Anything you buy, be it a blender, a vacuum and yes even a car. If you work that beyond its capabilitys it will break down or begin to clunk and run bad. Your body is the same, so anxiety is not a ‘it’, it is not something your body wants to go through, it is telling you it can’t work with the pressure you are putting it under. That is why it is so important to take your symptoms with a pinch of salt, not to get stressed or worry about them, as again you are working your body far too hard, a body that is crying out to be left alone. The easiest way to not worry or get stressed about how you feel is to understand more about why you feeli like you do and this is the reason I try to explain a lot in my book and on here.

Some people say they feel instantly better when they have read the book or a post on here. I say yes because you understand why now, it does not scare you as much, so you worry less and don’t get as stressed by the way you feel. The more of an understanding I received, ‘most of it I had to work out by myself, pre internet days’ the better I felt and the less respect I gave to my symptoms. I had the same symptoms for a while and that point is important, as a lot of people hope they will feel better overnight. But they did not hold the same fear anymore and obviously changing the daily habit of worry and obsessing how I felt helped me to recover, it gave space for me to progress. How could I ever get better while I still worried daily and stressed everyday about how I felt, ‘trying to fight and think my way better’, it was impossible, but something most people do without the right information, scrambling around daily for answers, worrying and stressing about how they feel, watching months go by without any progress, wondering if this hell will ever leave them. That person was me also and would still be me to this day if I had not educated myself enough.

I hope there is something there for everyone

For more help and advice visit www.anxietynomore.co.uk

For more information on my book ‘At last a life’ visit

www.anxietynomore.co.uk/the_book.html

89 Responses to “Why does my anxiety seem to get worse?”

  1. Dean Says:

    hi all

    I hope you are doing well.just one thing how is it that through anxiety you loose alot of weight.im naturally a thin guy,so loosing more weight is like im basically skin and bones.and the food thing why i have made it such an issue and scares me becaus of the allergies.please if anyone has some advice to get my mind passed this fear and to face it so i can just trully enjoy what i eat whateva it may be.

    Thanks
    Dean:)

  2. Shirley D. Says:

    Go Candy! Go Candy!

    Dean.
    I lost lots of weight through anxiety, it was liking trying to eat straw – whenever i tried to eat something. The only thing I could manage really was the hot oat product that makes you glow, it had goodness – milk and oats. And was easy to swallow. Then i started adding those snap, crackle and pop things to add a bit more sustenance. i think any trauma to the mind or body results in loss of appetite. (Though I know some people can turn to food) I was really pleased with my weight loss, but was upset that people were trying to feed me and I had to turn it away.
    Now it’s the opposite I’ve started craving chocolate. All the fatty things – chips etc etc, this has returned because i have come out on the other side.
    When you say allergies. do you mean that you have allergies to certain foods? What happens to you?
    SAD

  3. Shirley D. Says:

    Paul,
    I’m sure you will be a great success at the Hospital radio thing – when you recover from something it just makes you feel like giving something back doesn’t it.
    SAD

  4. Candie Says:

    Lol Shirley!

    Dean, i too would like you to clarify about your allergies… i mensioned to you before that you really do need to move towards the fear…. there is nothing i could tell you or anyone else that will make you better if you dont beleive in yourself and move towards your fears.

    Good luck with the voluntary radio work Paul…. its nice your giving something back to the community.

    Have a good week everyone

  5. Katy Says:

    Hi all and all the new people,
    yep go Candie! you always give great advice. havent been on for a while, been really busy at work and home.
    Great posts, especially Frank and Candie about welcoming the anxiety and have been adopting the attitude “bring it on” and it really does work. But it has taken a long time to reach this stage and to believe nothing bad will happen, 6 years!and thats only because i found this site. Lorry you seem to have got a lot better in the last few weeks. Remember they are just thoughts, they are not you, its just mind noise.
    The last thing I am struggling with is the panic when i’m driving, my vision is blurred and i feel faint and dizzy. These symptons dont bother me at any other time but when I’m driving im so afraid of causing an accident because i get the urge to slam on my brakes when i panic. Any advice anyone? Shirley I read you had trouble getting in the car, did you have similar trouble?
    Katy

  6. Dean Says:

    hi shirley and candi

    I just used to sneeze alot and get running noses before the anxiety happend with wheat products and some dairy,but i never used to think anything of it.but the other foods im totally fine with.and the very foods that i enjoyed eating like tuna and nuts and other stuff but especially those two.i read about that you can get bad reactions from them and ur body can go into shock.and i do not suffer allergoies from those.but ive built up such a “what if” my body gets sensitive to it wile im in this anxiety state and causes a reaction like that.i suppose ie built up such a fear to it and i dont knw why.i just want to get passed it.im always monitoring all the time what goes in my mouth instead of it just being enjoyed and feeling happy about nourishing myself with good food.ive been told i dont really have an isue with wheat and stuff,its just my body has been really sensitive the last couple of years,coz thats wen it started,i havent always had it.i know im complaining alot and i have seem to have let the other stuff flow,but just cant get myself around this allergy thing.i hope u all have a good day.and thanx for the support.i really just want to live life now even if ive got anxiety.i dont want it to hold me back.i just having a bit of difficulty with this.

    Kind regards
    Dean

  7. Nicole Says:

    Hi Candie,
    I am asking you this because you seem to have come through dealing with the whole nasty scary thoughts thing which is what I am having trouble with at the moment. 90% of the time I am able to understand that they are just ‘mind noise’ as Katy says, but my anxiety has been strong these past few days and the thoughts are starting to scare me. I am able to let most float by, but it is the emotions that stick, mostly intense fear and confusion. I went to Will’s site but I find his style of writing a little hard to understand and you seem to be able to clarify things. For some reason I seem to have these big struggles with nasty thoughts after I have made progess. So frustrating!! Thanks for any advice you can give.
    Nicole

  8. Rick Says:

    hi everyone
    Not posted for months now… Im doing really well, 100% with the odd up and down, as everyone does. id like to say a massive thankyou to Paul for this site and also those who post, without you im not sure where id be now. As they say life is the most precious thing, and you really have given me my life back.
    For those who are struddling, be paciant, time is the great healer. On reading Dean’s post, try not to link foods with anxiety it will only lead to avoiding certain foods in which you like. I avoided foods because i thought if i ate them then anxiety would follow, however anxiety followed regardless of what i ate, so in the end i thought ”sod it” and started to eat what i liked. Which then helped me to put the weight back on that i had lost.. all 2stone of it.
    Well thats me for now just thought id post to say a massive thankyou…..
    Rick

  9. Shirley D. Says:

    Last February, 5 months into my anxiety, I started to itch and I scratched and lumps started to come up, it was round my tummy, down my legs, shoulders and arms, the itching was persistant. I just needed a slight heated situation and my cheeks and neck would flare up and then my scalp.
    The doctor diagnosed Urticaria (hives), antihistamines followed by more antihistimines. Couldn’t tell me the reason though – poss, soap powder, poss nuts, poss cats, but more probably stress. We are now into September and it is finally left off, I went from being into a high anxiety state to acute with the Urticaria, I have given the same attitude to this annoying complaint as I did the anxiety and it seems to be getting better. So, i thought for a long time that I had an allergy to food and nuts in particular. When my beta blockers were changed last Feb, they gave me silicone coated ‘bombs’ and i read somewhere that the plastic coating could cause allergies. I have never found out and will never know what it was. So Dean, carry on eating the foods that you like, it could be the stress part of the anxiety that’s causing your reactions.
    Nicole, i too was troubled with terrible thoughts, looking back they were so irrational but so oversensitised with the anxiety that I couldn’t get them out of my mind. I first started with a song, which had the lyrics about dying in it, this just played on and on in my head, especially on trying to get to sleep or just coming out of sleep (if I was lucky to get any) every time i turned the radio on that song was blessed well on – haunting me and taunting me. This is all long before i discovered Paul’s site, so I was just fight, fight, fight. What if, What if, in the end – everything came right – everything – but it took time, you can’t rush it.
    Everything to me was a nasty thought, going outside, driving, living, money, emergency sirens, what people said – but i came through – i am here – living proof that the old me has returned. don’t ask me how, just woke up one day and thought about everything less and less until more important things took over. I sleep like a baby now, can’t wait to get under that cosy duvet. It all comes with time. Be patient. everything about anxiety is frustrating, having it in the first place, wondering what time period it’s going to be with you for, when it starts to recede – how long will it be before it goes? It all adds fuel to the fire if you give it too much thought. Difficult i know because it dominated my life, my conversations, and i thought i was the only one with it – especially as one particular doctor was less than understanding about it which sent me into a worse spiral but at the same time her harsh words of ‘Shirley you really must get on top of this’ were a turning point, I was so upset that she had spoken to me that way but also it dawned on me that I was the only one to be able to put it right., and so the uphill climb began.
    SAD

  10. JR Says:

    candie you always do have great advice and a kind heart…i’m hoping one day I’ll be able to help others because anxiety/dp sure does turn your life upside down.

    I’m having a miserable day of anxiety. I’ll feel ok for a little bit, then feel like crying, and just quiting everything stressful the next. It sure feels like I’m back at square one after making so much progress. Even my mind is hammering me tell me I’ll never get better and this is me forever. I have a huge project at work that I’m working on…just a lot of pressure at work (but sometimes I think I put this pressure on myself)

    I don’t know what brought all this on. I have noticed that if I don’t read Paul’s book or just re-fresh some of the knowledge I’m learned to this point I start feeling bad. I’m guessing this is because I’m falling into old habits.

  11. Candie Says:

    Hi Nicole- im not quite sure what you are asking me as i couldnt find a question in your post!?! But i am only just starting to fear my thoughts less and less as you get to a phase where as shirley says anxiety becomes less important as you dont fear it as much and your nerves start to heal. It really is as Paul says, a side effect of anxiety which can develop into habits. But as Paul says memory will bring them to you for a while, but without fear no anxiety can last.

    Hi JR- stop trying to figure out whats caused your set back or what you did wrong, the truth is it has happened and you cant change it…. but beleive me it will pass. It always feels like it wont pass but it always does, and we always think -‘why did i get myself so worked up’. Well you get so worked up as you have bad nerves and the least bit of adrenalin can send you into a state of high anxiety…. sensitive to anything and feeling threatened by something that may seem quite trivial to you when you aren’t in such an anxious state. If work is causing this, then change things…. do whats right for you.

    Fear condition your mind to feel threatened… take away the fear by moving towards it and your anxiety will dampen. When im at my worst i have reached the stage where i give up and wait for the ‘what ifs’ to happen… then i start to feel better and think clearly! It has been an up and down experience for me… but i can even see a future for myself beside the anxiety so i know i have come far.

  12. lorryt Says:

    hi all

    can understand your worries nicole i am experiencing the thought things again. i had made progress and really starting to live a relaxed life again, but after having to work full time for the past 3 weeks and having my hubby home ill ,money worries that come with it. i have stepped backwards, i know why , but i cant rid myself of these thoughts, so i have to laugh ta em , sounds mad. just dont let the thopughts impress upon you. the only things that are real are whats going on right now, not head noise. a clear mind will come back. i know that but dont let it scare you into thinking that things wont change. i am absolutely dead on my feet today , and my body is telling me to slow down, so im not goona work till later on.
    Candie- you are a great source of help and advice, its obvious that you really do care about helping others. keep up the good advice you are invaluable. think i got that right. this is a great place. helps loadsxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  13. lorryt Says:

    just to add.Pressure seems to be a huge thing too, we are all far too hard on ourselves . we expect too much everyday. i know that we need a certain amout to keep us on our toes, but we all overstep the mark, as i have done. we need to be gentle with ourselves as we are not machines, and all need balance in our lives. we push and push our bodies expecting them to bend with everything we try to put them through, but like rules, they can only bend so far before breaking.im rambling now.

    i struggle with what the future holds, when i should be living in the present. my thoughts go wild as to me being left on my ownetccc. it really does overtake me sometimes, but i know i will get through this.
    have a good day allxxxxxxxxxxxx

  14. James Says:

    I have, over the last few weeks, stopped giving the physical symptoms of my anxiety credibility and as a result the physical is not bothering me as much and i have begun to feel much more mellow. However, with this mellow feeling has come a state of feeling very tired, devoid of any emotion and a litle bit empty at times. If anyone could explain this it would be great, as to understand is to move forward.

    Cheers

  15. Candie Says:

    Awww thanks Lorryt :)

    I like to help as i mensioned before- when it was me in a bad way, the advice from Paul and people from this blog really helped me. I new i could come here when i felt down, and the advice i got always made me feel better. I have reached a stage where i dont really need reassurance now- as iv gained some confidence, however i like to come on here as i have made some friends though the blog- and to help out too.

    have a good day everyone!

  16. No More Anxiety Says:

    Thanks Shirley and Candie, I am going to start when I get back of holiday and am really looking forward to it. You are right when you say you want to give something back, last year I had a businessman get in touch with me and he said all he wanted was his life back, all the money and success felt so unimportant and he admitted his desire to be the best had brought on the anxiety and now he felt foolish and all he wanted was his life back, so yes it does make you look at life a lot differently.

    O.k Dean on the food allergy. What you have done read something that without anxiety would not have been an issue, with anxiety it exagarates things and these food allergys seem a big issue and you get to the point you are at now. I am planning to do a post on something similar soon. So you have this irrational fear of certain foods and the mistake you make is to try and not have this irrational fear, you want this fear to go away. Well the only way to not have it, is to go through it, send the right messages to your unconciousness that its fine to eat anything. This is what Rick said he did above………….

    I avoided foods because i thought if i ate them then anxiety would follow, however anxiety followed regardless of what i ate, so in the end i thought ‘’sod it” and started to eat what i liked.

    He did not try to not have these fears, he went through it and said sod it ‘whatever happens, so what’ and this is the way to lose these fears and see them for what they are, basically an irrational fear built around anxiety. I had a few in the height of my suffering and I just went through them all and they all dampened. You need to go against your instincts and do the opposite. Your body is full of adrenalin/anxiety and fills you with certain false fears, that’s all they are false, if the anxiety was not there then you would not feel or think that way ‘Fact’ so dis-trust and do it anyway, this is why any fear builds up, because you believe your anxiety and not the rational route. I did the opposite and stopped listening to my anxiety and listened to the rational side. Until you move towards and through your anxietys then they will continue. I honestly had the attitude of ‘I no longer care’ and once you go through one fear and come through, you rarely build anymore and if you do you know they way through and they hold very little power over you.

    By the way Rick, so glad you are doing well. I always tell people not to expect too much too soon as the real success stories come from people who first came here. People who gave their body the time and space it needed.

    Paul

  17. James Says:

    The great thing about this method, which other anxiety ‘cures’ have not addressed is the fact that it guides you through recovery rather than say, this is what you need to do to recover, go out and do it. As i go through recovery how do i ensure that i do not go back to how i was when my anxiety first hit. One concern is my forthcoming wedding and i am worried that the stresses of this, as it approaches, may tilt me over the edge again

  18. No More Anxiety Says:

    James again don’t worry about any future events, you may feel a bit anxious on the day and that’s normal, its your wedding, but don’t make an issue out of it, expect to feel a little anxious on the day and its fine to feel like that. I went through so many experiences without anything happening, yes I felt a little anxious at times, but it was just a feeling and this is where my true confidence came from and not through worrying about future events and avoidence. So allow yourself to feel anxious on the day, don’t make an issue out of it and trust me everything will be fine.

  19. James Says:

    Cheers Paul, i appreciate that, the hardest thing about this is that there is nobody i know who has GAD. However, i am making great progress and advice like yours spurs me on to progress further. I sometimes think that by looking towards the wedding i am slightly hindering my progress in the now. I have this weird thought that i am just going to turn into a shivering wreck on the day and this is because i am at a stage where from time to time these strange thoughts just enter my head even though i have come on leaps and bounds over the past month.

  20. No More Anxiety Says:

    Quote: I have this weird thought that i am just going to turn into a shivering wreck on the day and this is because i am at a stage where from time to time these strange thoughts just enter my head even though i have come on leaps and bounds over the past month.

    That’s just your anxiety making you think the worst, just pass right on through any negative suggestion. Anxiety as an outlet always makes you think the worst, but the worst never comes true, so just carry on reagrdless.

  21. Beth Says:

    I had lunch with a friend and we were talking about anxiety issues. She has a lot going on and when I listened to her I could see that she was stressed. She has had this physical symptom that seems to be brought on by stressful situations. She will start to cough and sometimes to the point that she will gag. I have had loads of physical symptoms, but not this one. Has anyone else had anything like this? She has seen many doctors and no one has found anything physical that might cause this. I think that it is an anxiety symptom. Any thoughts?

  22. James Says:

    I also suffered an extreme low spell last night, i am reluctant to call it depression as that is a strong word. Again i put this down to anxiety and wondered if you have done a post on this, Paul. I was unaware of the link between the two as have never had this before.

  23. Sarah Says:

    Hi Beth, yes, I had that. Coughing stimulates the bit of your throat (do not know the medical term!) That can cause you to gag, and in my case – sometime to throw up. That’s all it is. I found the simplist way around it is to always carry a little bottle of water with me, then if i start to cough, I just take a sip, this eases my throat and problem solved. Actually, these days I couldn’tt care less if I threw up or not in public, though obviously it is preferable not to! I was on the hover craft a few weeks ago, choppy high seas, and everyone was running round with a paper bag shoved over the gobs- me? Calmly watching the scene, with my little bottle of water near to hand! So tell you friend it’s nothing to worry about at all.
    Hope that helps a bit.

  24. Paul McG Says:

    Hi James !
    Just to mention on your comments on that low spell ! I think this is very normal under the circumstances and can certainly be included under the umberella of anxiety ! I also have and still do suffer periods where there is a feeling of being pretty down in the dumps ! I used to really dwell on this asking all the questions as to why and only making the matter worse , Why shouldnt you feel this way now and again , you could put it down to a whole list of reasons , but in the end its ok to feel frustrated and vent it in this way , just dont add to it , by thinking your depressed or worrying about the stigma you may feel is attached to depression , I certainly dont think you are , so dont beat yourself up for feeling low , It happens to us all from time to time !
    Take care
    Paul

  25. Stephen Says:

    Hi guys, finally got the courage to post something. I have suffered from an anxiety disorder since May this year and have been using this website since. I am only 20 and have felt almost every symptom listed and emotional state associated with this condition. I have read most of the posts you guys have written and think you guys are all fabulous people the way you assist each other and the encouragement that is exchanged. It’s somewhat strange I feel as if I know all you guys from just reading your posts and do not feel as alone. Like everyone else I have my better days and my bad days, and even those days when you seem to alternate between a positive to an anxious negative state which I find the worse. In the begging it was mostly physical symptoms, so automatically as my anxious mind took over, I associated it with a medical illness such as a brain tumor or cancer. Those fear never eventuated! (because they never do)

    My anxiety then became more of a mental thing with self deflating thoughts, disturbing or obsessive thoughts, scary thoughts about going insane and not being with it. The only physical symptoms I really get its tight chest, fast beating heart and dizziness. I find the mental side of things the challenge and I have and still fear to a degree I might become or be schizophrenic, bipolar, insane, majorly depressed you name it I’ve feared it! Looking back at my childhood I also displayed textbook childhood anxiety symptoms although coming from a very supportive family. and have always worried! It is obviously its something we as individuals learn and its not like a chemical imbalance as I have a identical twin brother who is anxiety free and you’d expect us to have an extremely similar genetic and chemical make up.

    What I have learnt is how individual thoughts can instantly alter the way you feel and is definitely an emotional rollercoaster. I still struggle with and fear the most of becoming depressed and I don’t know why. Like mentioned earlier I have down spells where I get anxious to the point I feel depressed and that I won’t recover. However when ever I feel this there are ALWAYS negative thoughts that bring me down and I can identity them. And if I got better at what Paul says I could let them be and pass and not dwell on it. I had done this before and actually made some really good progress for about a month as my mind was also occupied with a new girlfriend at the time but fell back into old habits! I know acceptance and allowing of these cognitions (thoughts) and feelings are the answer and the whole “yer..bring it on” attitude. Although I have felt awful, I am still in University, work part time and try and socialize. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, sorry about the long post, got a little over excited from months of not saying anything. You guys are incredible kind hearted people and don’t forget that. I believe by looking into a mirror daily and telling your self you deeply love, respect and have full faith in yourself can make a world of difference. At first you many not believe it, and feel nothing but eventually it will get printed into the subconscious mind and become an automatic thought! Remember the past cannot be changed but your future can be!

    Stephen.

  26. Shirley D. Says:

    Hello Beth,
    Yes I had the coughing thing too, but it was usually first thing in the morning thinking about what the day had in store, but yes I too experienced the cough till you gag thing.

  27. James Says:

    Paul McG, thanks for the refreshing input there. I think the hardest thing is that when you have made good progress a new symptom can knock you for six and seemingly undo all your hard work. I dont want to go backwards having come this far. You sound like you have experienced similar and just treating it like any other anxiety symptom is the best thing to do.

    Cheers.

  28. Paul McG Says:

    YES James , it’s the one step forward two steps back thing ! But dont forget for every experience you go through , good or bad , its all part of the learning process , a process you need to go through to recover !! with it you gain the the ability to learn and move on , stripping back those layers of anxiety , without it ? its stalemate and we run the cycle , so its just down to that one word again ?? ACCEPTANCE !!!! Come what may !

    Nice to see you have joined in on the blog Stephen , sure you will get plenty of help and advice on here from a lot of great people !
    Paul.

  29. Candie Says:

    I think that cough thing is the gag reflex! I remember when i cried as a child i would do it as id get myself that worked up lol.

    Hope everyone has had a lovely weekend, i spent mine with my family and its been great.

    Also, Welcome to the blog Stephen!

    Have a good week everyone

  30. Duya Says:

    Yes James, these depression episodes are probably the worst [although I'd say the same for whatever symptom came to me today :-P ]. I’d rather say “despair” than depression (and, as you said, )… For me, they don’t last more than a day though. Just go on and don’t dwell on them. They always pass… just as every other bad feeling…

    Thanks for the kind wishes Candie. I had a bad weekend though; for the good part of both days it was “frying” — the pure “fight & flight” with adrenalin pumping through. That’s the aspect of it I withstand the best — I don’t like it messing with my brain too much — but 10 hours a day is a bit overwhelming. Not always the same intensity of course, but still… Today, it starts with “oh leave me alone would you — well ok, here’s some depression for you. — thank you very much indeed”.

    Any thoughts on additional stress on the job and elsewhere? I felt fairly well on my vacation in August and thought the worst is over, yet it comes back with a vengeance now that the pressure on job rises. I’ve learned to accept it, and to keep my mind blank from bad thoughts; it doesn’t mean I like it though. Do I?

  31. Dean Says:

    hi guys

    Sorry just been really busy havent had a chance to reply.i think paul(nomoreanxiety?says.that i read something on the allergy thing and it scared me from not having the foods that i enjoy,because my anxiety has blown everything out of proportion and everything is “SCARY” and its going to kill me”the fear is talking”.as he said in my normal state i wudnt of given it a second guess and it wudnt bother me.

    Regards
    Dean

  32. LORRYT Says:

    hi there

    having a bad few days due to the fact that i am tired from working too much and worrying about finances, and an ill hubby. i am concerned that i am going to end up with depression again, although i really think it was more extreme anxiety now i look back. i can totally relate to stephen i am back on the emotional rollercoaster, am gettign myself in a tizzy about it all and panicking about it. its silly, and im trying to relax and be rational, i am at work and getting on with my day but my shoulders are very tight , my head is spinnign and my thoughts are yet again on the go. i am

  33. LORRYT Says:

    struggling, but aware that i am gonna be ok and i will get through this eventually, as others have.
    its the thoughts i really struggle with . what else can i do ??

    appreaciatre advice

    lorryt

  34. lisa Says:

    hi guys just popping in to say hi.well done candie on your promotion babe lol..have a nice holiday paul il have your tin of paint and cider ready when you return. going through a bad spell myself at the moment but cant do anything but accept at the moment.il keep popping on time to time.now theres 2 lisa”s on here il have to sign lisax blue rinse doesnt sound right somehow xxx:-)

  35. No More Anxiety Says:

    Thanks Lisa and has Candie mentioned the sponser thing? We need you : )

    The move will be stressful Lisa, so try and keep smiling and just go with the flow. Ill bring my paint pot round when I get back, looking forward to my break to be honest, been a while since I have been away and its a lovely, quiet resort, Ill post some pics when I get back.

    Paul

  36. Paul David Says:

    Just to let everyone know I have now changed my posting name from ‘nomoreanxiety’ to ‘Paul David’ as its more personal, just so everyone knows its still me : )

    Paul

  37. Stephen Says:

    Hi guys,
    yer Lorryt that emostional roller coaster is pretty extreme, one positive thought can come though and you feel like you can beat this then the next can pull you into another completely different direction. So it can be very emotionally upsetting. But I think we just have to keep reminding ourselves that our thoughts are responsible for our feelings – think happy feel happy, think depressed feel depressed. I also have a grim outlook on the future some days as I sometimes struggle to see myself anxiety free and eventually becoming depressed as these depressed thoughts and feelings are upsetting me the most now. And as everything that upsets us the most at any one particular time, that symptom is greatly exaggerated by us because we dwell on it and react. As anxiety sufferers I think what ever we fear such as an illness we can unintentionally create the symptoms to make it seem and feel so very real. I think Lorryt we have to get off this rollercoaster but it’s not going to stop for us so to speak as we can’t physically control its movements. We need to let it go and using Paul’s method just accept what ups, downs, dips and turns it takes us on lol. And eventually it’s going to slow down as it has before, but it will eventually stop when acceptance is strong and we are not fixated on recovery.

    Like you and everyone else, we know what needs to be done but the doing it is the challenge. I forgot to mention this in my first post yesterday, the website is awesome Paul and it has helped me through a lot of tough times. So thanks heaps for making it. It is strange almost to be on a website that doesn’t offer that miracle over night cure with the two monthly payments of $49.95 Hahaha. And have you done a post on the depression you experienced with anxiety?
    Have a good week guys

    Stephen :)

  38. JR Says:

    A couple of questions/points that I was wondering if anyone has experenced during recovery and how you may be dealing with them.

    -As the dp starts to slowly fade, and come back, and fade, it seems my anxiety feelings and thoughts are coming back stronger almost like the thoughts I withdrew from all the years back before the dp set in are coming back with high force and the urge to withdraw from them is intense.

    -Constantly questioning my actions or myself. Ex. – I’ll be with two people in a conversation, one has a more laid back personallity and one is more upfront. I’ll start thinking constantly about how I should act. Should I act calm or be more in-your-face? What are they thinking of me? I can’t remember the last time I didn’t care what people thought and I just acted how I felt in the moment and didn’t worry about consequences or not being able to follow up what the other person’s response is.

    I think it’s so important to share stages and points of the recovery process to give readers of this blog insight of what other people are going through. That is what helped me the most, reading and learning from others and knowing that I’m not alone. When it’s just you alone with your thoughts/mind it’s very lonely and you can be suckered into thinking your thoughts are real.

    Wishing everyone well.

  39. JR Says:

    Welcome to the blog stephen. Know that you have many friends on here. You hit on a lot of important points! My story is similar to yours. Thanks for your post.

  40. Tom Says:

    Hi guys I posted a few days ago. Things took a turn for the worst yesterday. I suddenly started wondering what if everything really isn’t real? I really don’t feel like my memories are my own, that what happened only half an hour ago wasn’t me but someone else. My mind feels like it’s retreated far into my body, into the distance and everything is so far away. It’s set me off again and I’ve been constantly worried. Last night I woke up and had a small panic attack which makes four in total now. It’s 8.30pm and all I’ve eaten is half a tin of soup. I feel totally weak and tired. I really, really feel like giving up. Apparently I’ve been alive for 21 years but it just feels like I’ve been alive for the last few minutes and everything, absolutely EVERYTHING, else is just all unreal and made up. My past, my friends, my family, everything around me. It’s becoming really terrifying. I didn’t think things could get any worse but they are doing and I can’t take much more. Please tell me that this is all nothiing to worry about. :(

  41. colmc Says:

    hi, I have anxiety 3 years,when im bad i dry retch, cant sleep etc. I on a dip right now, do any of you take any medication? (anti-depressiants)

  42. Stephen Says:

    Also, paul i really want to buy your book but do not have a paypal account and really worried about using my credit card online (probably due to my anxiety!) and i live in Australia so whats the best way for me to do this? sorry i should of just included this in my earlier post without wasting more space.

    Thanks Stephen.

  43. Matthew Says:

    Hi all, my name is Matthew. I am 31 years of age and live in Auckland , New Zealand. Just wanted to say what a great website this is. I have come so far in terms of my suffering from OCD/anxiety by using a Claire Weekes type approach. I guess I’m at a stage where I feel I can be of help to other sufferers. Going through so many ups and downs I’ve come to realise is all part of the journey. I have still am yet to recover but have more energy and confidence than I have ever had before. Even though I have set backs and bad days still i can see them for what they are. A big thing for me was learning to be patient. It automatically gets easier I feel the more you keep on moving forward through your journey to recovery. I can relate to so many of the stages each of you are at. I see life so differently these days.

  44. LORRYT Says:

    hi all

    hi matthew, lots of new people on here, glad they found this place as i am.
    I am reducing my meds right down to 25mg from 100mg and i am beginning to think that Paul is right regarding the crutch thing. I am taking faith from you lot on here and the fact th at so many have recovered this way. The change in attitude thing is totally the way forward, after a few bad days and crying and gettign frustrated, today i am great. dont know why not even gonna bother trying to figure it out either!!. Bad days are becoming easier to let go of and good days are following soon after too, whereas it took me longer to recover, now a bad day goes by and i can deal with the physical stuff (as you know thoughts still bother me), but i am realising that its not a race to the finish and its not gonna happen when i want it to, it will happen when my body gets done with it, and my attitude of WHATEVER stays with me.
    yet again, things come to us slowly and bits drop into place.
    you guys are great support , listening to me offloading and gettign frustrated.

    have a good day all, it is possible !!!!

  45. mike Says:

    hello everybody.
    i am at a good stage at the moment just accepting the thoughts, feelings when having a bad day.
    Ive posted a few times, my anxiety /panic started in may, i was signed off work had 10 weeks off put on the tablets and told by the doctor youll be okay.
    it really does worry me that there are people out there being wrongly advised on the subject of anxiety and they think that it is something worse than anxiety. some king of mental illness.
    ive been back in work since august, i am off the tablets and just happy my councillor told me about pauls book as he to suffered from anxiety and is now a fully trained councillor which shows us full recovery is in all of us.
    keep progressing thats the way i see it. have a good week and its great to see all the people on the pages helping each other out.

  46. Paul David Says:

    Hi Stephen I will email you about your question later, just popping out now.

  47. kevin j Says:

    hi everyeone
    may i first say paul thankyou for your book i bought sunday morning and read the whole thing in about 4 hours and i dont read books! but this topic im very experianced in unfortunatley. about 5 yrs ago i lost the plot all together! had alot of relationship stress and work stress the relationship broke up and then BANG (my brain broke!) i turned into a emotional wreck locked myself away for weeks on end and was labelled as a nervous breakdown. fortunatley my father went through the same sort of thing at the same age ish which was 22 so he helped me to some extent however it was the most terifying time of my life! before this time i was suffering with what i now know was anxiety due to being in situations that i didnt want to be in ex. family meals with the inlaws of which didnt like me and the feeling was mutal! during my time 5 yrs ago i seeked help from my gp and as i have read alot of you did the same and it was the same old story ( here are some happy pills come back and see me in a few weeks!) this did not help me in the slightest. i then found my gaurdian angel a women called angela who is a homeopath who helped me as much to talk to than anything else however this helped me to get over my problem or so i thought. about 3 weeks ago on a sat i called in home around lunchtime and BANG! AGAIN! i hit the deck as emotional wreck full of tears and terrified even though i had an idea of what was going on. i went to see my gaurdian angel on the tuesday and by they thursday was beginging to pull my self together and by staurday managed to go a day with out tears as the following week came round i returned to work how ever cutting my work load to a tenth of what i was doing before as i belive this was a cause of by problem 7 days a week (stress!) and also my wife having a baby girl back in july. returned back to work for 3 days and then took a big nose dive again at the end of the week so there fore started to search the net for help and found this site and pauls book which answered so many questions i had it was unbelivable. im still on my homeopathic mix and i am reading posts and reverting back to the book in the hope to get fully recovery this time? but i still do have some questions how do you know the diferance between anxiety and depression? should i go back to work and just get on with it or give myself a break? i havent been feeling like i can cope with work. maybe im suffering from post natal deprission? as i dont feel the way i think i should towards my daughter or maybe its just cause of my situation at the moment? i have had alot of depersonalisation and bad thoughts even sucidal ones but have manged to strike these away quite quickly. have suffered alot with knotted tummy but this has always been the thing that goes first if there is anything bothering me,also many other symptoms you mention.

    im sorry if i have gone on a bit but was hoping that by telling you all the background of my problem it might be able to help some one else to relate and maybe some one would be able to answer some of my questions?

    i would just add a big thankyou to you all for all you have done and paul for your book it means alot to have found people that understand and can support each other

    all the best to you all

  48. selma Says:

    hi all
    i’m new here. i’ve been reading for a while and i’ve read paul’s book which has been the most helpful thing i’ve ever found in my 4+ years of anxiety. my central problem is that i fear that what i have could not possibly be anxiety, but is some other terrible psychiatric disorder like bipolar or something. i’ve seen therapists and been through it all. they’ve basically all said, classic anxiety. it’s gotten to the point at times where i am so miserable and depressed. lately, thank god, the acceptance really seems to help (thanks god b/c i’m pregnant).

    in a nut shell, i’ve tried EVERYTHING for my anxiety. i always wanted a magic pill. you could have told me to stand on my head every day and recite the pledge of allegiance backwards and i would have done it if i thought it was a cure. last year i became obsessive about my diet thinking it was all sugar related. turns out once i stopped looking and searching and obsessing about food or whatever natural supplement it was that week, i felt a huge release just in letting go of the idea that i have to find a cure for myself.

    i still have the occasional setback where i just think that my thought patterns of my mental state makes me think that i’m either crazy or going there or suffering from some other disorder. anyone else have this too? and if so, any words of advice for dealing with this problem specifically?

    you guys are all really awesome on here- best board for anxiety…..

    selma

  49. Paul David Says:

    Firstly Kevin and Selma thank you for your really kind comments, they really do mean a lot and it means as much to me as it does to you that you found the book very helpful.

    Secondly welcome to the blog and you are right it does have some wonderful, helpful people that make it a pleasure to come on. I wanted to get away from a forum and all the mixed messages that they bring with the owner staying well in the background. I have limited time and set up this blog to see how it went and just like the site has grown bigger and faster than I ever imagined, which makes me all the more determined to keep it going. I will give you both a few quick pointers, as I do have a bit of time due to all my partners soaps been on : )

    Kevin: You asked, how do you know the diferance between anxiety and depression?

    Firstly anxiety can bring depression as it depletes you of emotional energy, we feel like a shell, especially through all the worry and stress, this can lead to feelings of depersonalisation and then we feel more lost than ever, we just feel a nothing and have no energy to give to anything. Your body shuts down emotions also when you have D.P, its your bodys way of protecting you from more hurt and worry, so it can shut down emotions for a while. So don’t worry for one minute how you feel now, the old you that smiled and felt happiness will rise again, it just comes in layers. I went from a happy confident person to a shell who felt no happiness, emotion and just wanted to hide away forever. Now I live life to the full, I look at life as gift now and would never take it for granted again. I always thought through my darkest days ‘I will be me once again’. This lack of emotion and feeling is tempory, so don’t for one minute beat yourself up about how you should be feeling, its a waste of more energy.

    You ask: should i go back to work and just get on with it or give myself a break? i havent been feeling like i can cope with work. maybe im suffering from post natal deprission? as i dont feel the way i think i should towards my daughter or maybe its just cause of my situation at the moment?

    The question about your feelings to your daughter I covered above, that will come back, your body just needs to rejuvenate, it just needs a break from all the worry, this is why I say don’t worry or obsess that you feel a certain way, as you just stay in the cycle. The question about work is your choice, I would take some time up and use that time to give yourself some you time. Don’t sit at home brooding about how you feel, although this is tempting, find a hobby at home, painting, or as I did go for walks and swims, everything that just gives you some you time without concentrating on how bad you feel. I would take sometime out and go back when you feel ready, don’t get hung up about what people think or may say, your health is far more important than that.

    The main thing is too do the opposite of what you have been doing which is worrying about how you are feeling, feeling guilty, fighting to be the old you, basically give up the battle and just allow yourself to feel anyway, its o.k to have anxiety, don’t make it your daily aim not to feel a certain way, that is very important as all your day is just filled with the subject, worrying, stressing, wondering when you will be free, thinking deeply about each problem. This is how people stay in the cycle, once we understand more we are able to just let ourselfs feel this way and finally give are body the break it craves.

    Hope that helps a little

    Paul

    Selma you quote:

    in a nut shell, i’ve tried EVERYTHING for my anxiety. i always wanted a magic pill. you could have told me to stand on my head every day and recite the pledge of allegiance backwards and i would have done it if i thought it was a cure. last year i became obsessive about my diet thinking it was all sugar related. turns out once i stopped looking and searching and obsessing about food or whatever natural supplement it was that week, i felt a huge release just in letting go of the idea that i have to find a cure for myself.

    This is the problem, you have tried everything to GET RID of your anxiety, you have never allowed yourself to feel this way, the only way to rid yourself of anxiety and thats to allow yourself to feel awful, tired, anxious, go towards it even and don’t let a physical feeling dominate your life and what you do and don’t do, you cannot wish it away or take a pill. The day I started to see progress is the day I stopped worrying and making it my daily aim to rid myself of the way I felt, yes I still felt awful but I said ‘Its fine’ I also went everywhere at will, stopped hiding away, again I felt awful at times but I began to see little changes, there was no more worry and stressing about how I felt to add to the mix, no more self pity and the awful daily questioning that made me feel locked in my own mind, I felt I could think clearer, other things entered my day and it was not the first thing I thought of when I woke and the last thing at night, but it was a process and one that was so worth while, I just felt better and better, slipping back sometimes but that was fine also.

    You do not have to spend everyday trying to rid yourself of anxiety, is it any wonder it just becomes us when we give it so much respect and spend so much time fighting to rid ourselfs of the way we feel. Trust me the opposite is true, allow yourself to feel this way, you almost feel instant relaxation when you do this, as though you have been in a war and you have laid down your tools, its all over, you don’t have to fight anymore, the stress of battle is over.

    Hope that helps

    Paul

  50. Yvonne Says:

    Hi Paul, Im so glad i found your website a fortnight ago. I down loaded your book straightaway and what a help it was. From first reading it my problems fell into place. Im trying too work through my anxiety without the help of any kind of tablets prescribed or herbal or help from a counsellor at the moment if i can do it on my own the better it is for me. I have a very understanding husband and a very dear friend who i can rely on any time day or night. I too suffer from the weight loss for all ive changed my diet as suggested in your book. What i cant seem to handle is the retching every morning which last anything up to an hour til in the end nothing is coming up. Can anyone give me any ideas as to what.
    Mnay thanks again Paul for your help and advice

  51. Stephen Says:

    Hey guys,

    had a rough day today i just seem to keep going wrong! its the feeling of despair that always throws me out and i find it extremely difficult to just accept this and move on. Is despair the feeling that comes with such a force and you kinda suddenly feel hopeless or helpless and doubt your abilities to get over this and have a negative depressed future outlook? Because I find this the worst symptom so far as I fear becoming really depressed. I have an excellent relationship with my mum and she has been good to speak to but she doesn’t really understand how bad anxiety really is as I didn’t until I suffered. And she has so much going on with work ect I don’t really want to upset her with my issues. I really don’t have anyone else to talk to about this a part form counseling once every two weeks. I’ve been kinda teary today about everything as well, sorry guys I just needed to let it out. I have a family overseas holiday coming up in December and I just want to be well for it but I am so scared I will still be the wreck I am today. Hmmmm would really appreciate some advice and if my idea of the word “despair” is right.
    I hope every one has had a better day,

    Stephen.

  52. kevin j Says:

    thanks for your quick reply paul, its a BIG help to have some individual things answered that i was unsure about. you should feel very proud of what you do, it makes a lifes difference to some people not only your book but your after the book support. i really appreciate it and am sure other people on the site do too. things seem to be getting easier already although im not going to run before i can walk! depersonalisation and the headaches are the main problems at the moment and the stomach knots are on and off at the moment but will keep going and keep reading the blog it helps alot! many thanks again all the best to everyone else keep going there is a light at the end of the tunnel! (it may be dim but its there!)

  53. Paul David Says:

    Just to pick up on one point there Kevin, exactly don’t run before you can walk. People can be too desperate to get better after finding some answer and start putting themselves under pressure to feel better instantly and try and rush things. There is no rush, just give your body as much time and space as it needs. It really is like learning a new subject, the more you learn, the easier things become. So many came here like you and others a few months back totally bewildered and have now made great strides, so as you say don’t run before you can walk.

  54. Lisa2 Says:

    just wondering, are there any mothers or fathers out there? would love some advice on how you deal with issues when you’re the main care giver? my hub works a lot and away a lot, my kids got really worried when I first got ill so now I tend to “put a face on” with hubby too really as I know he worries and hes a driver so he dosen’t need it, that said I have a really great friend I can talk to any advice would be welcome.

  55. mike Says:

    Hello stephen,
    i was very much like yourself my friend in may, desperately wanting not to feel like this, thinking into the future. the what ifs started, lose my job, is this me forever, i am letting my wife, children down etc. i went to see coucillor (organised through work) then introduced to pauls way of dealing, which has worked for me and will work for you and everybody else on this great site. keep trying to accept that unfortunately this is you for now but you will keep progressing each day. try to stay in the present moment, dont worry about the family holiday cause this is just adding more adrenaline, more stress. Youll be there in december enjoying mate.

  56. Stephen Says:

    Thanks mike for taking the time to reply i really really appreciated it, and im really glad your recovery is going well for you and your family. Once I learn to accept these upsetting despair emotions i feel I will be definitely on the recovery road. They do pass don’t they? Thanks again mike, your message gives me that glimmer of hope again.

    Stephen.

  57. Dean Says:

    hi paul

    You were right,wat set me off was reading someting on the allergies and it scared me into not eating those foods.wer wen i was not in my anxiety state i wudnt of even been concerned about it and just enjoyed wat eat.ive just got to break that cycle and visious circle and move towards the fear.everytime tho i eat something i still analyse wat physical symptom comes up wile i eat that specific food.wateva symptom it may be i think its because of the allergy.and its actually placing alot of stress and strain on my body.on the positive side the joys of life have started to surface slowly and i dont think of anxiety 24/7.although my body doesnt feel happy yet and its got to kinda like play catch up wit my exciting thowt or thing im going to do..but i knw there is good things ahead in my life.im still very young and still want to explore and see the world

    Dean

  58. Candie Says:

    Hi Everyone, just thought i would drop by and say hello to all the newcomers! Stick around and u will get there eventually :)

    Have a good week everyone

  59. Katy Says:

    Hi Tom
    please dont worry, when you say ” i started wondering that everything isnt real…. ” proves it was just a thought, a thought that scared you, so brought on more anxiety and more scary thoughts. But thats all they are. I know its horrible and they still get to me on bad days, but in time you learn that nothing ever comes of them. Its one of the symtoms that a lot of us have trouble accepting so you are not alone and please dont dont give up.
    i’ve had this a few years now and improved alot since only finding Pauls book, but its a real rollercoaster. When im good i feel like i can take on the world but when i have a setback i seem to hit rock bottom. hello to all . ps I think all doctors should be given a copy of Pauls book as it would have saved me 5 years of suffering, as im sure many others.

  60. Yvonne Says:

    Hi everyone,
    this is only my second time of writing and at the moment im really struggling with not sleeping, everytime i close my eyes its like fireworks going off as well as bright lights flickering on and off til in the end i have to get up. I seem to be surviving on only 4-5 hours of sleep a night. The blog is a real help and im glad i found it Ive been reading all your comments for about a week now and the support you all give each other is fantastic. Im trying to think positive but sometimes find it hard to do when i feel like i do at the moment
    Yvonne

  61. mike Says:

    just to back what you are saying katy, it is a very up and down thing is this anxiety. did mention in a earler post, recently read the cricket player,marcus trescothicks book with his battle with anxiety/depression and it shows it can affect anybody. I think when we can all get the acceptance thing mastered we will be totally recovered and be able to help other people who are in the early stages of this annoying illness.

  62. Lisa2 Says:

    Does anyone else get trouble relaxing? I physically can’t seem to relax, then my stomach tightens and my breathing suffers grrr. I know I’m probably forcing the issue but I’m so aware of it and can’t seem to focus away from it :(

  63. Candie Says:

    Hi Yavonne,

    I get that flickering light a lot! Its like the flash from a camera flickering away when i close my eyes. I’t doesnt bother me now but at first it panicked me. I think its a mix of adrenalin and our mind being overactive when our head hids the pillow! I also see little flickers of ‘half dreams’ where my mind is half asleep lol. Its nothing to worry about and wont do any harm.

  64. Katy Says:

    Hi Mike
    I did read a bit in the paper about the cricketer. It can affect anyone if put under too much stress over a long period. I remember paul saying a doctor came to him for advice!
    I connect the acceptance thing with belief and time. Before, i believed the scary thoughts, like i was going to do something crazy,so it brought on more anxiety, but as time goes on and i havent done anything crazy yet, i’m believing them less and less so just letting the thoughts be there. Not 100% there yet but in time when you truly believe nothing awful is going to happen I think you can accept all symptoms and recover. Hope i make sense?? not the best at explaining things.

  65. Paul McG Says:

    HI Lisa 2 !
    relaxation ? whats that ! yes the hell thats every anxiety sufferers life ! Guess the more you try and relax , the more agitated you become because you cant ! i used to spend every night trying to relax and at the end of it felt more tired than ever . I only began to relax again properly when I adopted the whatever attitude and lifted that weight and burden off my shoulders ! consistent , conscious thinking only prevents us from relaxing and being able to switch off ! if you can adopt the whatever attitude , which only comes with time , thats patience and persistence that if you begin trying to care less about your anxiety symptoms , then be sure functions we took for granted before will begin to return bit by bit !

  66. Lisa2 Says:

    Thx Paul, I’m trying hard to accept accept! just hard at the moment, I’m sure it’ll come :)

  67. Stephen Says:

    Hey, guys hope everyone is having a good week so far. i’ve been trying hard to accept but still struggling here and there. i am lucky in that i dont really suffer from the physical symptoms as such but more of a really strange feeling that comes arcoss me randomly which feels like a combination of dread, hoplessness, despair and anxiousness which just makes me feel awful! does anyone else get this sensation? and i seem to physically feel it in my upper chest with an increased heart rate sometimes. But negative and strange/scary thoughts can usually start it or make it worce while this is happening. just feel im at that stage where i dont no what i feel. so confused.

    Sorry to bother everyone just like to hear some reassurance. Have to go to work 2moro which is my part time job, anxious about going as i am always at my worce at work. But im going to just accept and have the best day i can. In the process of buying pauls book so that will be good to get that. Hope you all have a good weekend.

    Stephen.

  68. lorryt Says:

    hi stepehn, pauls book will help and keep rereading it, i have and its all sinking in and working just be patient.which for me is the hardest thing.I experience the same thing, i will get a negatibe thought and then mt brain listens to it and then off i go, but just let that thought go ,it is only a thought and cant harm you. we must experience millions of thought s day and we dont act on them all !!. It has taken me a long time to get to this stage, at first i thought i would never get better as i am on medication, and was told by the cosc i would be on it for life !!!. but through this way i am learning that it is about a change in attitude to how you deal with these things, and dont get caught up in how you feel. i was too impressed with how i felt and was constantly dwelling on it, and obsessing about it . it wasnt doing me any good, just get on with your life thoughts will come and go and i say soo whattt to them now, although it can be extremely difficult at times. It has improved believe me it has and i never thought it would have faith in your body, i am still on medication as for me i couldnt handle the depression with it ( but now i can look back and realise it was really high anxiety). bad days come and i cry, good days soon follow and they come more and more, and bad days less and less, doesnt matter any more. i have always thought you have to have a balance in life, not neccessarily like this but if you have good bad will come, but less and less, until your body finds its own natural balance.
    hope i have been of some help, i know i ramble, but i have found so much help and advice on here from these great people that i feel i can try and help others. i am still recovering, and it will take time, but will be worth the wait.

    we can all do it, i have always thought we need faith, but only in our own bodies.

    have a great weekendxxxx

  69. Shirley D. Says:

    I have had a good read down this latest blog and i feel so for everybody in the depths of or just starting to discover that they have the anxiety problem. 12 months ago, mine started and I was a quivering wreck. Hardly smiled, banged my head against the wall to get rid of the thoughts, such stupid irrational thoughts, they were so heightened. ~Well today, i am back to normal, it took (as I’ve said before) finding this website, buying Paul’s book and a general return of confidence to get me back to my feet and smiling.
    Rest assured, it will come, don’t set any timescales – fatal.
    Last January, I was stood at the top of a cliff, looking at the birds soaring, and thought if only i could do that but i had this overwhelming urge to jump and felt it would be the most beautiful ending.
    So pleased that the good devil sat on my shoulder told me not to do it.
    Dramatic but just the depths of despair taking over and you can’t afford to let the despair take over.
    Anxiety will decrease and eventually dissapear – I know this from my own experience.

    Just to let the regulars know that my job with the Council has been extended for another approx 6 months, so i have work for the near future.
    Yippee to life .
    Shirley D

  70. Daniella Says:

    Hi everyone,

    First of all I want to say a massive thanks to Paul for the book and this site, it really has helped reassure me. I’ve been reading posts on here recently but only just got the courage to post myself.

    I’ve been suffering from anxiety and depression for just over a month, It started just after me and my boyfriend came back from a 2 week holiday in spain. I am terrified of flying and had been really nervous bout it the week before we went – got myself all worked up, convinced we would crash, i got through the flight (with alcohol!) but later that day i had a big panic attack, i knew what it was as i had an attack a few years ago, but it was still very scary, after talking to my boyfriend for a while I calmed down and assumed it was a delayed reaction to the flight, I felt fine for the rest of the holiday and we had a lovely time. On the way back, although nervous, i got through the flight ok(with alcohol again), but when we got home, everything looked the same but felt kind of different / strange and i felt nervous / panicky for no particular reason, later that evening i fell asleep downstairs and when i woke up i started having another panic attack, but this time it was longer and i literally couldnt stop my legs shaking, when i have these panic attacks i get the phsyical symptoms but understand why and dont worry that i’m having a heart attack etc (although i do get a racing heart) but i have an overwhelming sense of dread, that i dont understand the point in life etc or that i’m going mad. anyway after that i felt constantly panicky each day with a nervous feeling in my stomach, lost my appetite, and felt so strange and unreal / not with it, felt scared of doing the tinest of things on my own. i went to the dr’s who put me on some tablets and got signed off sick from work.

    Before the holiday I had been unhappy at work for a while and also have had a stressful relationship with my boyfriend (mainly due to my insecurity). Since we come back i feel like my life has been snatched away by the anxiety. i hate being left on my own and the mornings always seem so hard.

    feel like i’m slowly making progress as my appetite has come back and i started doing some things which i wouldn’t have done a couple of weeks back. But i’m finding the feelings of unreality hard to accept, i dont know if i have dp or not – i can hold a conversation, read a book, and i still feel emotions but sometimes i feel really not with it and in a dream. i start worrying that nothing is real, or that i’m not really doing what i’m doing, and one of my most scary thoughts is that i might have died and not realised it (like on the films sixth sense or the others), i know that sounds stupid, i spoke to my dr bout this and he said im not going mad and that its common for people with depression / anxiety to think this way, but its still really frightening. also i start questioning life like why are we here etc and then worry that things will stop making sense to me.
    Hope you dont think i’m weird, are these thoughts normal for someone with anxiety and will they go when my anxiety does? sorry such a long post.

  71. Matthew Says:

    Hi everyone. Yeah, anxiety certainly is an up and down affair. I’ve learnt the key is to live your life how you want to live it despite the anxiety being there. The battle is half won once you understand how anxiety works. If you keep accepting your thoughts or physical symptoms and “letting them just be there” then you have to recover. It is science. Your nervous system will slowly desensitise itself. I was always told by my counsellor that “recovery lies in places you fear the most”. To me this is very true. I’m also at a stage in my recovery that I can see it as a privilege have been through terrible anxiety. It has taken me a while to get to this stage, but I have more confidence than ever I’m not fully recovered yet. I do believe you learn a great deal about yourself as you see progress towards recovery. Small minded matters become so unimportant. From my experience also anxiety sufferers tend to be some of the nicest and genuine people to walk the planet.

  72. Shirley D. Says:

    Here, here, I agree, anxiety hits the nicest and most genuine people on this planet!!!!!
    We are the worriers and not just about ourselves but about others around us and that is the golden prize. Stay as you are – don’t change, keep that caring and genuine personality, we might be needed later in life to put the wayward and nasty on the straight and narrow!!!! Ha Ha.

  73. Stephen Says:

    Hi Lorryt,
    Thanks for responding and for your advice. I also struggle most with the despair/depression side of the anxiety but i agree with you that it could be just really high anxiety. becuase when i get that anxious feeling if i think “i’m depressed” i instantly feel down and helpless uno and because my fear is now depression i almost dwell on feeling down and hopless and the feelings feel so real. i suppose because i fear this, i create alot of these symptoms for myself maybe i dont know. But its what is freaking me out the most as i absolutely hate feeling like this. I havent obviously read the book but are we suppose to just accept feeling down the same as feeling anxious because i think they are exactly the same feeling but its how we interprate it, because just anxious people say they also feel awful and down and associate it to their personal fear such as a physical illness and not depression. But apparenlty anxiety and depression are like peas and carrots in that they are very strongly associated with each other so my Phycoligist said.

    Thanks Shirley D for your post, it helps so much to read something like that. I had the exact same thought as you on a ledge a while ago, very intense feeling and i freaked out because i actually thought i would have jumped if i didnt force myself away. Did you experience any depression or feeling that constant despair down feeling and how did you coap with that? I am so sorry guys i mention this alot i just want to know i will feel happy and saticfied with my life again. that feeling would be amazing to feel again. But i know i cant rush things. Oh btw work was bad again today, i have no idea why im at my worst there but think its because my feelings of panic all started when i was working there alot.

    Hope you guys are all enjoying your weekends, im going to make myself go out with some friends tonight and try and have a good time. lol

    Take care,

    Stephen.

  74. James Says:

    I too like lots of others have been suffering with anxiety and getting frustrated by it as it ruins my life. At 26 years of age this should not be happening to me but it is. So, there are 2 options. 1. let it or 2. get out and try and enjoy life. I have frequented this site recently looking for answers but earlier this week i decided i would have some time away from the blog. What i have learnt is that in essence anxiety is like a habit. The more we consciously engage it the more powerful it is. Like someone trying to give up smoking, if you stand with ex-smoking pals the temptation may well become too much. Or a reformed gambler who goes in the bookies with his mates is likely to place a bet. Therefore, earlier this week i decided to stay away from the blog or any other anxiety info and try and live my life as i should. I have been in work, sat an exam, been to the pub and gone out for two meals. And do you know what, it was there. What you may think? in small fits and bursts i felt like the old me again. And why? because i moved my focus away from anxiety, instead of sitting at home wallowing and fearing the worst i went out and ‘got involved’. It was not always great and was a bit scary but nowhere near as scary as i thought. i am by no means saying i am back to the old me because i am not. But for the enjoyment i got during parts of the last few days it was worth it. I am not an expert or suggesting i know any better than you but if as we are led to believe it is habitual then should we not at least try and break the habit and maybe it might get a bit easier. You are probably thinkin, why am i writing this if i ‘dont need the blog’. I am not saying i dont or wont ever need it again, i just dont want to become dependant on it. I also realise that no matter how much reassurance i get from the site there is only one person who needs to reassure me to get past this. That is me! The blog/book has given me the tools i need and it is now up to me to go and use it. If you feel up to it why not have a go.

  75. Lisa2 Says:

    I’d like to feel up to it, at the moment tho my thoughts are on me, even tho I know all the symptoms and what to do actually thinking about something else is to hard

  76. Shirley D. Says:

    Daniella,
    You are not weird. Anxiety comes in all different forms – i too suffered panic attacks on a plane, not nice, even once got to the departure gate and very nearly didn’t get on the plane. i worked out in the end it was more of the worry of making a fool of myself in front of other people. My panic attacks would cause immediate stomach aches and as you know when that happens ‘you have to go’. If i was in the window seat it was fatal, i would think about having to ask people to move and so I was hemmed in. it was a vicious circle – talked to myself not to panic, thought about panic, panicked, needed to ‘go’ immediately and then it would die away, ok been now. Back in the window seat, try to concentrate on the view, panic rising – oh no will have to ask them to move again. I was exhausted by the time i got there from doing my breathing exercises – dizzy. So i always tried to get an aisle seat from then on.
    Water was my saviour then, cool water, i could concentrate on the coolness. My mind played dreadful tricks on me, so many times I thought life wasn’t worth living. I was like a fox caught in the headlights, wide eyed, panicky and didn’t know which direction to go.
    Stephen,
    As far as I know i have never suffered depression, i have had black moods and black thoughts which my head would tell me was depression. Anxiety for me was an all rounder. I was so coiled up inside, heart thumping at an exceptionally fast rate, irrational thoughts – every time i heard an ambulance siren I thought it was going out to my parents or brother.
    I would watch the television and certain adverts would make me feel sick, all the news seemed doom and gloom, i was out of work, I never got out of my Pj’s and just sat around waiting for the next rush. I never had proper sleep. The coiled spring eventually unwound when I found this website, suddenly i cried, there were other people out there like me – suffering this ‘ thing’. You become so trapped inside yourself that it’s all me, me, me. I’d never been in such a state. And it was scary. i was in constant despair, every worry about the future was accentuated as were all of my thoughts, each time i got in the car i thought i was going to die in a crash – so yes, you could call all of these thoughts very depressive but not necesarily depression. I didn’t cope with it – that was my problem, I told myself and my boyfriend so many times that I was doolally, that I was going out of my mind, I was a completely different character. Only finding this site helped me to cope.
    James, you talk about your age, 26 – if you look at the friendship page you will see there are people of all different ages who suffer, I am now 48 and my helpful parent told me that they thought I should have ‘grown out of’ this type of thing by now, it’s not a thing you can turn on and off becasue of your age, if it’s there it’s going to come out and bite you on the bum whatever age.
    I had my first panic attack at 18 – don’t get me wrong i haven’t suffered ‘all these years’, so please don’t think you are stuck with this for life.
    I too was like you, i desperately clung on to the site when I first found it, read everything, then as time passed I found i needed it less and less, then when recovery started I turned my back on the site because I was still half way and halfway out, I have recently come back to the site because I now feel so much stronger and hope that I can help others with my experience and to show others that I am once again happy, even the current world crisis isn’t knocking me about, this time last year I would have worried about it constantly. You can’t change anything by worrying -everything will take it’s natural course, you cannot steer life, it will happen for you – once you accept this then everything else will fall into place, you can’t will anxiety to end, it will only make it worse, so like Paul says you have to let it wash over you.
    When you started to feel like the old me did you get drawn back to ‘oh I shouldn’t be feeling like this i’ve got anxiety?’ i know I did.
    Lisa 2
    I do so feel for you – I feel the despair in your few words, hope tomorrow is a little better for you.
    Shirley D
    sorry this was an epic!

  77. James Says:

    Shirley D, epic or no epic the great thing is that you are bringing stories of success and hope to the wall. The net can be so destructive sometimes re: anxiety due to ppl sayin medicaion does not work and anxiety is a lifetime affliction. People need inspiration and proof that this demon can be managed/overcome, otherwise what is the incentive to get on with life.

  78. Paul McG Says:

    Hi James , the insentive to get on with life is our natural instinct for survival , the first step to recovery is the belief that we are firstly capable of overcoming something as destructive as anxiety ! With the correct attitude and information , both of which ARE ONLY gained with time , steady progress and ultimately full recovery is certainly there for the taking ! As an anxiety sufferer for the last 17 years with no progress in the last 16 , due to the complete lack of proper info or support , it did seem to be a hopeless situation to be in , this site has certainly banished all those fears which only made my anxiety as out of control as it was ! The last year with the help of people on here and the info gained has without doubt transformed my negative , thought patterns allowing me to move forward and on the road to recovery.

  79. Katy Says:

    Sihirley,
    Just a quick note, I can relate to everything you have written! as though it was my life! The experience i had on a plane earlier this year was the same. I actually love flying, (if the plane was empty) It was the fear of losing control in front of people with no escape.
    Hope u all had a good weekend x

  80. Jules Says:

    Hey Stephen
    I have noticed you have been writing some posts asking about depression? I can feel your despair in trying to understand what you are going though. The thing is everyone seems to have their own individual ‘take’ on their experiences if you like but at the same time everyone is kind of going through the same thing.
    Not everyone who gets anxiety gets ‘depressed’ but I did and it was one of the most awful things I have ever had to go through. For weeks and months I felt I had been robbed of who is was, putting on a face to try and get through. I made the mistake of ‘putting up with’ the anxiety and depression rather than accepting. This just made me feel worse untill I could not function, I couldn’t eat, had trouble sleeping, I was crying all the time, i could not see a future and everything seemed to loose its meaning, I dreaded each day. I had really pushed myself and body to its limit with this attitude of having to carry on and ‘just put up with it’, i was exhausted.
    I just had to let myself go through what I had to go through to get better. I found it hard to believe in the really dark bits that things would get better, but they did. You really can recover by giving yourself time, patience and understanding. I really needed a rest from my work and have been signed off for a few weeks. I think we sometimes feel the need to soldier on and push ourselves. I was worried about the stigma of being ill and having to take time off because I think that it makes me look weak? But now I know that my health comes first, before trying to please anyone, least of all my employers?!
    Acceptance of the symptoms allows your body to heal in its own time, pushing and fighting will make it worse. I have learnt that this is a learning process, about life not just recovering from anxiety and depression.
    So grateful to this website and all the people, i’ve learnt so much from reading everyones posts on here and knowing i’m not alone.
    Thankyou x

  81. Daniella Says:

    Thanks for your reply Shirley.
    Although i felt really scared of flying i didnt actually fear feeling that way, because i felt it was quite a common fear and therefore i suppose quite “normal” and so just accepted i felt scared, but i did think it was possibly what triggered off the panic attack and subsequent anxiety after months of stress bout work and relationship – my nerves couldnt take anymore!
    The feeling of unreality really scares me though, and when i question everything bout life – why we are here etc. also since i was young when i’ve been ill or stressed i have this thought – i suddenly think ‘who am i?’ like a sudden terrifying realisation that i am here and responsible for my life, i find it hard to explain. Hopefully this will subside when the anxiety does.
    Theres a programme on BBC2 at 10pm tonight bout Alistair Campbell and his nervous breakdown years ago and his depression. I know from reading the posts that some people on here also suffer with depression – so thought it might be of interest.
    Hope you’ve all had a good weekend
    x

  82. Candie Says:

    Hi Everyone

    Seems everyone is really grasping the right attitude, which is good! Took me ages lol.

    Well i had a good weekend, went to the fair in Hull! Oh what a laugh i had, decided to go on the big ben, which is simlar to the pepsi max! I am terrified of hights, i screamed my head of and had loads of adrenalin but it was fantastic! I ate way too much, i have a bag of sugary sweets that will last me weeks too! Even though i had loads of adrenalin, it felt like a good buz! Which makes a change lol.

    Hope everyone haf a good weekend

  83. Shirley D. Says:

    Its a wonder you weren’t sick Candie!
    Candie for Candie – how many times have you heard that one before?

  84. Candie Says:

    Oh god! To many times Shirley, i have herd many of jokes about my name! No i wasnt sick, its a diff adrenalin rush! I was terrified, but i enjoyed the buzz! My stomach felt like it was going to explode! Oh and been left at the top for two mins- strapped in… it was soooooooooooooo scary but i loved it lol… i could feel myself twitching from the adrenalin…. amazingly i didnt feel anxious after it!

  85. Stephen Says:

    Sounds like you had heaps of fun Candy!!, adrenalin can be such a positive experience if channeled into the right direction. I use to LOVE that feeling you would get on rides and once you get off you feel amazing as you actually did it! I look forward to when i can experience this again. I think i am slowly making progress taking baby steps and trying to make sure i accept and not fight. Sometimes i get confused though as i feel anxious and down/despair and should i just say “whatever” or “back are we” and continue what i was doing but are still thinking about how i feel and why. Once we accept it should we try n forget it and think about something else? maybe im not accepting it if i still think about it after. i dont know lol any advice would be greatly appreciated as i probably wont recieve Pauls book until early next week. Also Havent been on any meds for this yet.

    Thanks Shirley for your experience with it, like you my mind tells me the Black moods so to speak are depression but everytime they happen its almost always brought on by negative thoughts ect or me questioning life. I think like most people feel at some stage of suffering sometimes you can lose interest somewhat in life by questioning your existence which does not help. Thanks Jules for what you said, it sounds like you are making some good progress. How you said this is a learning process about life not just anxiety and depression is very very true! I can see parts of my personality chaning for the better in the way i treat other people and what i do for others.

    Have a good one guys
    Stephen.

  86. kevin j Says:

    hey just a quick note as i dont have much time but will post again later,

    Daniella.
    dont worry from what you describe you have been feeling or are feeling EXACTLEY as i was and have been, nearly word for word, i must there fore say you will come through and things get better im on th road to recovery. the bad thoughts your having “The feeling of unreality really scares me though, and when i question everything bout life – why we are here etc.” i have had these and found them the most frietning but strangley as i began to get better the answers to them appeared that would normally be there. its just your state of mind that makes you feel like this.

    hope this helps a bit i will post again later when have a bit more time.
    by the way have had a couple good days but started work again today and finding things a bit harder to deal with today but its ok to feel like this keep going and smiling!!

  87. mike Says:

    back in may when i was signed off work, it was terrible. id take my boys to school get back home, and see that everybody on my street had gone to work. then started to think well why am i off? questioning it all, what will people at work be saying?.
    been back in now for 2 months and feel good, it just takes time.
    if we can follow pauls way, i 100% believe we can all make full recovery. we just need to be patient until we know we are there and know that worry/stress/anxiety wont bother us again on this scale.

  88. Daniella Says:

    Hi Kevin,
    Thanks for your reply, i really appreciate it. It’s a big relief / reassurance to know that i’m not the only one who has felt this way and had these terrifying thoughts, and that you can come through it. Feel like i’m in some sort of nightmare or twilight zone at the moment. I hate questioning everything but cant seem to stop myself – i’m worried if i keep questioning everything then eventually nothing will make sense to me and i wont be able to function at all – hopefully this is just a scary thought and not what would actually happen. Also i think one of my biggest problems is being impatient to get better, the more days that pass the more i worry i wont get better again. Its really encouraging to read other peoples progress and recovery stories.
    x

  89. Mike Says:

    Hi,

    I am Mike and I suffered from anxiety attacks for about four years when I was in my mid 30’s. It was really awful. However, I didn’t experience what you felt. I was still able to eat. I would like to share a wonderful anxiety relief method that actually works. It just needs more time and practice. And you will be able to control anxiety and control panic attacks.
    Think about this, we are very powerful beings. We have a mind. Our mind can be able to control a lot of things happening in our body. Through relaxing, you can let loose your mind and be at peace. You empty everything, except you feel what is it “NOW”. Feel how you breathe the air in and out. You can do this everyday when you wake up. It just a 5 minute anxiety relief routine. Do not take meds because it will only make you worst. You will become dependent on it. Anxiety cures through meditation. It really works. Good luck.

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