Don’t get patience and acceptence mixed up with anxiety

I decided to write this post today after reading through a lot of posts recently. Firstly I want to say something again that was stated in an earlier post, some may have missed it so here it is, in a post. I think certain people get hung up with accepting how they are, this should be a whatever attitude and NOT a need to keep reminding yourself to accept how you feel as you once again start battling with yourself and again becomes a ‘Do’. I think someone mentioned it in the last post to the effect where they had to keep reminding themself to accept how they were. There is no need to do this and as some people may know it loses its force in time. Accpeting is all about not doing ‘Not fighting, not worrying, not filling yourself with self pity. Giving your body a break, its never a ‘Do’, so please don’t feel the need to walk around telling yourself daily you must accept this. I put it more as laying all your tools down and accepting this is you for the time being and not resisting or spending every day trying to get better. I really hope that makes sense.

Secondly through some posts I have seen people worry about the future with statements like ‘Will I be better soon? . ‘I worry about going to….?’ ‘What if there is more wrong with me?’ etc…etc…Firstly please try just for a week or so deal with today, don’t worry about the past and don’t worry about the future. Just deal with today, how much extra stress and worry do people put on themselves doing this. If you just live in today then it takes so much of this away. Especially in people who suffer with anxiety as people worry far more and put such a dark cloud on the tomorrow/next week. Minor issues become far bigger than they really are and we get into a cycle of anxiety/worrying, more worry, more anxiety, anxiety and more worrying, at some point this cycle has to change. So just live for today and then take what comes tommorrow.

I once explained to someone who was in the same situation as another person, that the only reason she felt dreadful is that she worried about the situation and the other person realised there was no point. I learnt early on how destructive worrying was and yes it had become a habit for me, but again it was one I was able to change.


48 Responses to “Don’t get patience and acceptence mixed up with anxiety”

  1. Frank Says:

    Interesting post.

    I remember stumbling on your site around a year ago and you have always told people to accept the way you feel and carry on with your day. But sometimes when we are at a heightened anxious state, we tend to over think this action and instead we think about accepting it, instead of actually accepting it.

    I always saw anxiety as “the mind on overdrive” During each anxiety “wave”, we become super sensitized and hyper-aware of everything going on at that instant. We notice even the slightest changes that happen “in” and “around us” whether it be a tingling feeling, a mild ache, heart palpitations, muscle twitches, visual floaters, people’s actions around us, or even us simply overbreathing. During this time, I also noticed that many different “Irrational” thoughts and feelings strike us with great speed and force. I use the term “irrational” because these thoughts come without any rational thinking whatsoever and very “out of the blue”. Another thing I noticed is that our mood can be altered almost immediately with each passing thought. Sometimes a single thought can bring us down deep, while another thought can pull us right out of the hole. An emotional roller-coaster if you will – a very up and down experience of which is overall a very unpleasant experience and one which we wish that will never happen again

    Since you (Paul) have already equipped us with the knowledge that a panic attack is merely excess adrenalin and are therefore completely harmless, you tell us that we should take on a “whatever” attitude and just carry on with our day. I think the key to making this work is that we are not toe be in the thinking state and that the “whatever attitude” has to be conjured with absolutely no thought behind it.

    Often when we are given advice like this (which is really helpful) we sort of force ourselves to follow this advice and sort of expect ourselves to get better without actually restoring peace to ourselves. As a result we end up feeling disappointed and rather helpless sometimes.

    The “whatever” attitude from Paul is something I like to describe as an “action without a thought” since when we put on this attitude we carry on with our lives not thinking about what will happen next. I think this is the key to anxiety attacks in that we must perform an action without a thought. On his main site, Paul sometimes encourages to “call on a panic attack to do its absolute worst” I also describe this as an action without a thought since when we call it to do its worst, we already know what to expect so this action is not fueled by thought, but by concrete knowledge.

    Realizing this, I think any actions that involve little thinking are beneficial to altering a wave of anxiety. Simple actions such as: Drinking water for the reason of alleviating thirst, exercising for the reason of getting fit, eating a balanced for the reason of longevity and good health; actions such as these that dont involve thinking about anxiety can help us greatly in the long run. However, as Paul always says, these actions should be done for ourselves and not for anxiety, since if we do it for the anxiety, then this does us no good since we are thinking even more about it.

    I think the key to recovery involves us doing something for ourselves and not for our anxiety. I always like to see anxiety as a wound. The more we pick at it the longer it takes to heal. But if we leave it alone and carry on, it heals on its own. I think the best way to recover is if we forget about recovery. The rest should just come to us.

  2. Candie Says:

    Great post Paul, im sure it will help clarify things for a lot of people :)

    I used to think acceptance was a feeling that would come to me and take away my anxiety, when now i have just about fully accepted i knows it is allowing these feelings to be there without interfering. You dont have to be happy they are there, just accept that no amount of worrying, ruminating, stressing etc will ever make u better. Once you realise that then things become a lot clearer. It took a while for me to accept as i was still looking for that miracle answer…. i wanted acceptance to take away my anxiety, where as now im just happy with my progress and have all the time in the world for my full recovery to happen.

    I suppose people try force themself to accept because they are still fighting deep down for this thing to go away. To sum up my point, acceptance isnt a miracle that will make your anxiety go away… acceptance is your attitude, a tool if you like that makes it ok to live beside the anxiety… but its through acceptance that your body is given a rest and able to recover.

    I have stopped taking my meds now, i was downt to 50mg from 150mg and decided to not bother with them anymore. A year ago i was watching the clock from 6pm…waiting for bed time to come round to i could take them and make the anxiety go away- the first sign of anxiety i would take more of them… i have come a long way since. I actually forgot to take them a few times, so i realise i dont need them anymore.

    Paul, you say you found recovery when your feelings didnt bother you anymore… so i guess i could say im nearly recovered, is that right?

  3. Katy Says:

    Hi Paul & Frank,
    what you have written has made a lot of sense and i realise where i have been going wrong.
    After 6 years of fighting and now with more understanding i have improved alot, but have been going wrong with “trying to accept”. This anxiety and recovering seems to be taking up all my thinking, and although i am getting on with my life and doing more things again I still find myself preparing myself for particular situations. Its almost like if I am prepared for it it wont take me by surprise. I guess like Candie says you are recovered when you are not bothered by your feelings. I am still greatly bothered by them but accept that for now. I realise it will take time.
    Well done Candie for coming off the Meds. My doctor tried giving me meds but i never really wanted to take them and if I did they made me 10 times worse.
    Paul i read in an earlier post you were starting a forum?

  4. Anthony Says:

    Hello everybody. It’s been awhile. lol

    Frank, your above post might have been the best one I’ve ever read on here.

    You and Paul have basically made the statement that you know when you are getting better when you go through your day and anxiety isn’t on your mind 24/7. That was me several months ago. If I went 5 mins without thinking about anxiety, I had a pretty good day. I did the “google searching,” joined anxiety forums. All I did was sit on the computer, looking up symptoms, hoping to read success stories. I hardly ever come on this board anymore, other than to check in on how people are doing.

    I recall one time when I went to the gym, hoping to burn off the excess adrenaline. The whole time I was working out, in my mind I was saying “Am I feeling better? Is this working?” I took a yoga class, same thing. It was still on my mind. I was trying to “do.”

    I highly recommend the book “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle. It gave me a greater understanding of my worrying thoughts. I was constantly taking myself out of the moment, analyzing my past and worrying about my future.

    I’ve read several posts on here from people who have recovered, and wish they could just completely erase their anxiety episodes from their mind. That’s where I am now. I am reminded often of how I felt. How I couldn’t eat, enjoy things, felt depressed, down in self pity. But I know now that all of the worrying and tension really were brought on by adrenaline.

    If it happens again, I will know that it will pass in time. And that’s the key. Time. It really is like, as Paul has said numerous times, hitting your leg over and over again as it’s trying to heal. But I know it’s hard, especially when you are feeling at your worst.

  5. lisa Says:

    katy,the forum did start but paul removed it as it took alot of his time up, and i think people were getting confused with pauls advise and with other peoples advise.i know i used to think well this person said he/she did it this way but paul said do it that way so you got more confused than ever,it should be finding your own way,what feels right for you but with pauls advise along the way.i liked the blog in one respect as we put peoples faces to the names ,iv become great friends with candie since finding this site and we keep in touch regular,were hoping to go out soon with our blue it was also nice to put a face to pauls name ,even though he didnt like his picture :-)

  6. Candie Says:

    Yea i agree with lisa, the forum was a bit contridicting at times regarding acceptance etc… It was nice to get to know people more though, i have a few people on msn from the blog and met some great friends… like Lisa, she is a bit of a mad head though lmao jk lisa.

  7. Imogen Says:

    I couldn’t agree with Paul’s recent post more…….the only thing you can affect is right now and so there is little point worrying about what ‘might’ happen as you can affect the future – you can only affect what happens in the present moment.

    I suffered from a short bout of anxiety and through this site and getting a better understanding of the medical reasons for getting anxious (adrenaline and over active mind) managed to get through it and deal with it quickly. Whilst I seemed to understand why it happened, i couldnt help but often keep testing myself, my mind and causing myself to get into another anxious state…..even when i thought I was better – almost like i was testing myself…..until I found the most powerful book which I believe has taken my understanding / acceptance to a new level – one where i haven’d and don’t think i’ll ever get anxious again.

    It’s the same book that Anthony recommends called ‘The Power of Now’ by Ekhart Tolle .

    At first whilst reading it, i managed to get myself into a state – instead of actually focusing 100% on what he was saying, I was doing the usual thing of allowing my mind to wander, get creative and think the worst (for me the fear was always similar – what’s wrong with me – am I going mad)….UNTIL I read further into his book and gave it my full attention – being in the present moment (this will become clear on reading).

    The main things I have taken from the book is understanding that the only thing you have is right now! There is no point worrying about whats happened in the past or what might happen in the future as you can’t affect them – the only thing you can affect is right now. When you start giving what you are doing right now your full attention , you will notice that the more you do that – the less anxious you are – because you’re not allowing your ‘thought’s’ of the past or the future to enter you head,

    There are parts of the book, which some people may find a bit trippy whippy – you’ll either love it or hate it – I personally have loved it and can honestly say it has changed my life – but it is a personal journey and one which people may not respond to. I believe though, that anyone who is suffering from anxiety should give it a go……and when you practice constantly being aware of the right now – you’ll realize that all anxiety is is an illusion which our minds conjures up from fears of the past or future.

    Freeing your mind from the constant incessant thoughts and ramblings which EVERY person has going on in their heads (you are not alone, we all do it – its just us anxieters have tuned into them and paid them attention) is the most liberating feeling……and you’ll know when you’re there because when you are….. you’ll never be back in that place….

  8. lorryt Says:

    very true all.Candie well done for coming off your meds i truly hope that it all works out for you. that is my biggest bone of contention. I am so concerned that i am gonna go backwards that i am a bit frightened of coming off the meds. i am down to 50 mg and have done really well, and feel i have a completely different attitude towards it all now but something lurks at the back of my mind saying you cant do it you will end up where you were a year ago. i guess that is what is keeping me ill ?!.. i dont know.. i am gonna be in that place somewhen that liberating place. i just dont know when , but the fog will clear and it will come back to me. i am gonna enlighten myself with claire weekes book at some point this week . have a good weekend all

  9. lisa Says:

    lorry iv read clare weeks books and iv got to say they teach the same methods paul does,face,accept,relax and time there are her 4 rules,and the message is similar to what paul is giving everyone.i used to read every book on the subject hoping this was the one,the one that was going to take it all away,the same with hypnotherapy,and cds how wrong i was!the last book i read was pauls book i wish it was around when i first suffered. a nice post frank youv come along way,i used to read your posts and realised you found acceptance hard with your symptoms. youv come along way :-)

  10. lorryt Says:

    hi lisa

    well i am trying to educate myself, i still read pauls book to refresh my memory on things, i guess i am looking for more answers and yes i still want to get better i must sound like im rushing things again. i know i am too hard on myself but that is just me i know i need to give myself a break and stop ” picking at the scab ” as it were as it wont heal. i guess i see my kids growing up and worry that im not really taking part and letting the worry consume me.
    the physical symptoms i can handle…… its these thoughts !! i,m believing them and i shouldnt, just let them come and go and move on. time again is the biggest healer. im sorry to go on, but you lot always point me in the right direction!.
    Frank , i am still struggling with the acceptance, but by the sounds of it you managed to overcome it. which gives me great hope.
    have a good day all xx

  11. katie x Says:

    hey all

    im having a strange day today i always get these weird feelings like i aint real my children aint real i know im not mad or scared but at times that awful feeling pops up again like something awful is about to happen but it never does i know i suppose im questioning it again it cant be helped sometimes……ive come along way but these setbacks freak me out at times like its never going to go away then im not accepting and i know its going to take time….. you all give me so much hope to recover i think today im stressed because my 5 month olds got chicken pox all over him and hes so grumpy…and my 4 year old is driving i long 4 bedtimes an that makes me feel guilty but he dont stop talking i have strange thoughts that i love the baby more than the other i dont i suppose its just another thought….

  12. katie x Says:

    i ramble on and on sorry….just feels good to let it out somewhere…

  13. SJ Says:

    Hi Katie X
    Don’t apologise for rambling on as it is good to put feelings down in writing. I have only had anxiety for 3 months but it seems a very LONG 3 months and i have been through most stages all without medication. At the moment i have some good days as though i have never had anxiety but then i will have a not so good day which are tough. I think it is doubly hard with children as they demand a lot of time and patience. My children are 17 and 14 and understand the situation. It is harder in the mornings for me as i guess so for a lot of people. Your kids should be your focus and would help you to stop thinking so much but like all normal people thinking, worrying is what we do although too much ends up being our downfall. Just hang in there and take some time for you and you like everyone else will get there in your own good time and not before.

  14. Katy Says:

    Hi all
    Thanks Lisa for letting me know about the forum, i joined a forum before ans yes it did get confusing, but if anyone would like to chat on msn let me know.
    Ive just ordered the book “the power of now”. if only to help me with my preparing with future situations and apprehension. Ive read other books and have only kept Pauls and claire weekes. i think you should stick to one method and theirs is the only way that makes sense.
    Frank ive re read your post and your description of anxiety is spot on and really good advice on adopting the whatever attitude as an action not a thought. I am struggling with accepting. thinking it rather than actually doing it, but believe i will get there.
    Lorry, katie i think the weird thoughts are hanging around because theres still that little bit of doubt and little bit of belief in them, in time we finally wont believe them and will be able to laugh them off.

  15. LORRYT Says:

    i sincerely hope that you are right, only time will tell. i need to take that leap of faith and realise that only i can allow my body to recover, although i feel my mind may take a bit longer!

    have a good day

  16. No More Anxiety Says:

    Frank that was a very good post and YES exactly what I am trying to get across. I am sure that with both posts combined it will help a lot of people as it is something people get stuck on and a common mistake people make.


  17. gerard Says:

    Frank I just read your post and I think that is what I was thought of before, but all this bombarding thoughts made me fight this harmless symptoms. Thanks for the update I think it’s really a good post.

  18. Patti Says:

    I have suffered with anxiety for years. I was doing very well until the monring of July 21, 2008. My mother called in the morning telling me that my father had had a massive interacranial stroke. I am very close to my father. For two weeks I had to be the strong one…dealing with doctors, family and my mother. My father is doing better but, I am afraid that I have succumbed to the anxiety that I was stuffing for two weeks. My doctor and I have been working on adjusting my medication to help me through this. But, every time I call or go and see my father the anxiety returns. My question is “how do I remove the anxiety from my life when the source of the anxiety is someone that I love dearly”?

  19. AK Says:

    Hey Paul

    Don’t know if you remember me, I came to you for help earlier this year and posted a little bit. I am in the exact same position as Imogen and Anthony. I sporadically visit here just to see your posts and check up on how people are doing, but haven’t felt the need for any more advice or assistance myself. Though I do enjoy the many ways in which you get your point across!

    I can’t really say more than what Anthony has said, I went from thinking about anxiety 24/7 to now hardly thinking of it at all, and if I do think about it, it doesn’t make me anxious. Reading about it doesn’t make me anxious. I haven’t felt DP since I don’t know when, its been so long.

    I am reminded how well I am sometimes when I think back to how I was at my worst. Couldn’t eat, racing thoughts, feeling very down and self pitying and I realise how much better I am now. It has made me a much stronger person to deal with this.

    I can also recommend Eckhart Tolle’s ‘The Power of Now.’ This book also really did help me as it opens your eyes a lot to how we perceive the world. It really is amazing what a positive attitude can do for you.

    I am finding now that things I clung to for comfort during the time I had anxiety I know longer need. The power of now for example, audio recordings on relaxing, some clare weekes recordings on anxiety, googling success stories of anxiety, listening to eckhart tolle’s a new earth web seminars. Gradually I needed these things less and less until I stopped using them.

    It is funny actually, as in my anxiety stage I got very self concious and wanted to excercise, meditate, read more spiritual books etc etc, but have gone a back a little in to my lazy ways and in a strange way its almost a signal to me to tell me that I really have got over this thing and that it doesn’t affect me anymore.

    Like I said I can’t really put it better than Anthony put it but I thought I would put a few of my own feelings and experiences in for something positive for people to read. I really thought I was stuck in the way I was, a small part of me always knew it would pass but its a strange thing when you’re at your worst and feel completely helpless, thats why Paul’s site and book are such an amazing gift to anyone with anxiety.

  20. Shirley D. Says:

    Hello everyone,
    Just to Hi.
    Paul? Did you start this site in December 2007? I have just gone on to the home page and realise that your blogs are dated from December 2007. That was a very important time for me because you couldn’t have been going for very long before I discovered the site.
    Just to say that I was so lucky that my anxiety seemed to dissapear over night, as i’ve said before, this site was my godsend. I too just have a look every now and again to see what everyone else is up to.
    I too have made a very good friend in my local area who was originally on this site and we meet up when we can, not to discuss anxiety (which we did the first time of meeting – common denominator) but we now meet up to discuss life in general. We hardly touch on the subject. We were both on beta blockers – we aren’t any more.
    I sleep so well these day’s, heavily and prolonged, even in March I was always awake – worrying.
    Life is back to normal. Yesterday I was phoned by an insurance company who informed me that they were expecting me to reinsure with them, the assistant wasn’t very pleased when I said that I had already done it with someone else, earlier in the year i would have worried and worried that I had hurt that persons feelings and questioned and questioned if I should have gone with them after all. Today, i just forgot about it instantly. My Mum told me that I musn’t take so much to heart – it’s hard not to but slowly i am learning what should be worried over and what shouldn’t. and that’s not much these days thankgoodness.
    I would not have recovered if it hadn’t been for finding this site.
    So all of you still going through the earlier stages take heart that I too suffered with the intensity of all anxiety feelings, rapid heart beat, not sleeping, losing my appetite, not wanting to get out of bed, not being able to stay in bed, horrible thoughts on waking (if you had managed any sleep) I went to the end of the world and back with despair. Now I smile, laugh, and back to my natural self.
    So please all take heart that the end is in sight for all of you.
    Shirley D

  21. Nicole Says:

    I have not written in awhile but I have been keeping up with the site. I have a question for AK as I have found so many similarities in what you went through and where I am at right now. I am doing quite well, but still spend a great deal of time reading Ekhart Tolle, Claire Weekes and a variety of spiritual books on the power of positive thought. As you said, they bring me comfort and hope. These have helped a great deal, but I am still on a roller coaster of sorts and I am feeling a little discouraged when I read about how people are totally free of anxiety. My question is – how long did you have anxiety until you considered yourself recovered and do you have any advice as to where to go from here? I would really appreciate your insight or from anyone else who may have been in this place. Take care, Nic

  22. AK Says:

    Hey Nicole

    I think a lot of people need books and such to rely on. I suffered anxiety from january, and was on an emotional rollercoaster until around may time. A lot of my stress and worry was to do with University stuff that coupled with my sudden onset of anxiety made everything ten times worse(my anxiety was a drug related experience in early january)

    What I will say is I see this experience as somewhat of a gift. The introduction to spiritual stuff and the gains I received from the power of now and all the materials I read will stay with me for the rest of my life. Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t abandoned these things completely, it’s just I no longer go to them in order ‘read the anxiety away’ it doesnt work like that. For me the book simply gave me a message that I kept with me all the time, living for the now.

    It if funny though, because when you actually start doing that, you realise you just go back to how you were. I mean before anxiety set in, I would think about my past and future and worry abit, but I wouldn’t dwell on it and I wouldn’t lose sleep or apetite over it : I wouldn’t get hideously anxious about it. I am back in that situation now, I am under stressful situations but I feel like I used to feel.

    Anxiety can be just thinking too much and being in your own little world, you just need to break out of it. Human beings are creatures of habit, if you practise what Paul, or similarly claire weekes, then just have a ‘whatever’ attitude and ‘float’ by the feelings.

    There really is no more advise I can give you that what Paul states in his book or the messages you get from reading the power of now, nor should you put a time limit on feeling ‘back to normal’ The truth is, feeling back to normal is finding it hard to remember anxiety, that is why its crucial to ‘pay it no great attention.’

    At my worst I would listen to claire weekes recordings every night, just hoping id get some new piece of information out of it that would make me understand how to fix this thing. In the end I wasn’t listening to the advise and putting it into practise, I just listened felt conforted constantly listening to or reading about recovery and how it definitely works. In a sense I relied on it I suppose, when in fact what I needed to do was ACCEPT, like she kept telling me I should.

    Now I don’t need to hear it from a recording or read it in a book, its within me and if I feel anxiety it’s brief and I can deal with it.

    I hope this helped, and if you need any clarification on anything please just ask. It sounds to me (and I really don’t mean this in a horrible way!) that you might be getting impatient. ”I am feeling a little discouraged when I read about how people are totally free of anxiety” I don’t think anyone is every totally free of anxiety. I have anxieties, but now they dont escalate to the point where I don’t get out of bed, have racing thougts etc etc. Recovery is a completely independent process, and like Paul says, it if often up and down, but just roll with it.

  23. Dean Says:

    Hi All

    I am a recent sufferer of anxiety,and came a across this website a couple of months ago and its been very helpful. As you all saying and paul is saying that you got to adopt a whatever additude to your anxiety and dont pay it ant attention. That is very true, but like other sufferers i have my bad days and i have my good days, sometimes i want to fight other days i just let it be. I just got to adopt the whatever attitude everytime a symptom comes up,because i think that seems to be my main focus,is the symptoms and thinking somthing else could be wrong with me.i have mostly been having this burning and crawling sensation in my skin,around my whole body and my face. i really prefer the alternative way of looking at things, because i dont like going to doctors, all they do is scare you and give you medication.i want to support my body in this, not cause other problems in it. Thats just my way of looking at it, i am sure alot of people would feel the same way.This is a great site by the way.


  24. JoeyLowtown Says:

    Hey people, aint been on for a bit. This has been because Im aware of most of the information on here now I think (not that im suggesting it isnt relevant). I’ve just been trying to go it alone. I feel 200% better than where I was last year, so fingers crossed for this time next year. I’ve began to realise that I’ve always viewed others as more worthy than me, or more skilled or better. Im now realising that as individuals we all have qualities. I’ve also realised that I had a hard time in school of certain idiots, as many people do. It has came to light that the majority of these people are stuck in dead end jobs with no prospects, so whilst im not exercising my right to be smug, im merely suggesting that there harsh words back then are a reflection of their lacking personalities and not mine.
    Im really looking forward to the future now and dealing with my tought issues and anxieties. I really recommend focusing your attention on a hobby, in my case Carp fishing. I weekend session by the lake with friends is great. I only problem is I never want to go to work anymore haha. Also I’ve found that general feelings of not wanting to go to work, or feeling tired in the evenings etc. These are not necessarily thoughts through illness and many people feel these. Also Candie, glad your continuing to improve, aint spoke to you for a bit, but pleased you’re well. Paul keep it up mate, can’t thank you enough!

  25. Nicole Says:

    Thanks AK. I realize that I am being impatient at times. This comes from the fact that I seem to have had this longer (2 1/2 years) than most of the success stories on this blog. This causes me some concern. Thoughts like ” Am I too deep into this that it has become part of me?” start to surface when I read about people who have passed through this from start to finish in a matter of months. Obviously, not the most helpful thought but it is something that I am dealing with at the moment. I think that I am making “this” into too big a mountain/monster to conquer. So much of it is creative thinking in a sense. You seemed to have put alot of thought into your response and I thank-you for that. Thanks also for the encouragement, it means alot.

  26. lisa Says:

    hi nicole, iv suffered 6 years but things do get better.youv just picked up alot of bad habits but nothing that cant be changed.i thought id never change mine but i have.just try to accept this is you for now and go with the flow of those thoughts and feeling,the more you battle withem the more your believing them the more you stay in the cycle.its like paul says accept everything it truly does work..good luck.your mind is always going to think thats what minds do ,but you get used to it and you end up paying it no respect like paul stated its just practise and time.god i used to hate the word “time” but its true. :-)

  27. Jo Says:

    Hi all,
    How is everyone doing?
    havent been on for a while, so thought id come say hello.
    My anxiety has really taken a back seat the last week or so, and things are going really well.
    We had our wedding on the 26th of july, and it was the most perfect day!
    My anxiety was pretty high all through the day, but I didnt let it ruin the day, and even though i was anxious I had a wonderful day.
    I sent some pics to Paul and he has been kind enough to put them on the site, would be nice to see some more pics on there of all our achievments. Looking back at myself last year, at the worst of my anxiety, with all my horrid symtoms, constantly shaking, heart pounding, thoughts racing, feeling sick, terrible insomnia, not to mention the awful scary thoughts I had, I never thought I’d be “normal” again’ let alone stand up in front of friends and family and say my wedding vows! and that has alot to do with having Pauls site, and all the great advice and support from you guys, as well as the support of my fab hubby.
    Just wanted to say thanks, and to all those who are having a bad time, it does get better, if I can do it, I know you all can.
    Take care all, Jo xxx

  28. lisa Says:

    hi jo where do we see your wedding pictures?

  29. Imogen Says:

    Hey Nicole….

    In response to your question – how long did you have anxiety until you considered yourself recovered and do you have any advice as to where to go from here?

    I mentioned earlier about my experience with anxiety. For me it seemed to come out of nowhere – all of sudden I started almost listening every negative though until I became on a downward spiral of constant fear and anxiousness at an alarming rate. By week 6 i was a nervous wreck – having panic attacks in the supermarket buying shopping – loosing it at work – feeling like i was in a complete bubble and utlimately feeling like i was going mad! All in the space of 6 weeks.

    My first port of call was this website (of which I thank Paul most dearly for creating such an amazing place) which is when my journey to find the right information began. I too got Claire Weeks book and re-read over and over again the fight or flight senario. At first I felt at a total loss – like i was doing something wrong as i just couldn’t seem to crack it and everyday seemed to get worse as i was get more frustated and into more and more of a state.

    I would wake up in the morning in a state of panic and anxiety feeling fearful of the day – but the more and more i read claires book and the more i began to ACCEPT that this was not going to be a quick fix, it seemed to get easier – still very slow – but easy to a. deal with b. relax myself. I particularly liked what she wrote about letting nature take its course and ACCEPT (I use that word again as i truely believe this is the key to all emotions) that i could and would get better in time – and not to be inpatient and rush it – after all everyone is different.

    Just this acknowledgement alone gave me hope that things would get better. For me this process took about 2 months (after the first 6 weeks)….I wasn’t feeling severly anxious, but that sick feeling in my tummy was still lerking around BUT the mad thoughts weren’t as bad.

    It was then that i started to forget that i was anxious – then remind myself that i was and trigger another wave of anxiety. BUT as I started to realise i was doing this – instead of panickig and thinking ‘oh my god….i’m gonna get anxious and start panicking again’ i would laugh to myself and try to ignore the thought and do something active. (This used to mainly happen first thing in the morning when i would wake and quesiton how i was feeling then start taking myself into a state – so i would get out of bed and go straight to the gym for a swim – which took all the anxious feelings away).

    I then ACCEPTED that it was good to experience these tests or triggers – becuase in actual fact, it was making me strong and better at preventing any horrible feelings….

    HABIT then plays a bit part – as the more you start to accept these NEW feelings, the old negative ones seem to fizzle away. You still know and regonise them, but they don’t hold that much over you anymore. Infact you smile at them – ‘how could i loose it so much trying to buy a tin of beans’…

    The more determind i was to try and beat it – the harder it was – the more times i would say to myself, so you’re having a moment, ignore the thougth and focus on doing something right now – the easy it was.

    We’re all different and respond in different ways. The best advice i can give is when you feel a certain way – try and get out of your head (ie. do something, anything, even if its cleaning) brushing it off and remember that nothing is that bad, its just a thought. Anything you can do which involves you giving all your energy and time to that particular moment – driving, cleaning, walking, reading. organising your wardrobe (i did this a lot), washing up – ANYTHIGN which takes your attention away from your mind – is SO powerful – as anxiety and fears cannot live in the present moment – they are a thought about something in the future – when you consider things in this way they have less of a grip on you.

    I know its hard and sometimes you feel so helpless and tired – but you’ll get there – so many of us have and so many more will with the help of each other.

    Try keep a clear mind – think positive thoughts and ignore, brush off, laugh at those negative emotions – coz all they are are thoughts your mind has created, which can be popped at the click of a finger.

  30. Imogen Says:

    WOW – didn’t realise how long that was (I have had a glass of wine)

  31. Candie Says:

    Hey Joey… nice to hear from ya :) Glad your feeling well, im too going it alone and just pop on here now and again to catch up with people.

    Imogen the thing u said about anxiety been in the future is so true… most of it is a false anticipated threat due to bad nerves and habit. I supose a lot of anxiety is caused by fighting and being controling by trying to prevent something that cant be stopped. Thats why the only way to get better is to realise you can not control anxiety, sometimes if im really anxious il remind myself its ok not to fight as i cant contiously control anxiety.

    Once you accept it cant be controlled, and allow it to be there whiles getting on with things then recovery happens… i see it as day by day peeling back layers of fear which my bad nerves and habits have created- so if u wake u overwhelmed by remembering you have anxiety… remember another new day, another layer gone. Having a positive mindset can do wonders… dont see it as oh no another day with anxiety, see it as another day closer to being at peace with yourself.

    Glad to hear you had a lovely wedding Jo, maybe Paul will post the link soon so we can have a nosey at your pics :P. Im of to a wedding on saturday, cant wait.. love a good wedding! Of dress shopping tomorrow for it for the 4th time… the other three went down in my estimations! Haha, if im the bad at chosing dresses as a guest, il have about 10 dresses as a bride!

  32. lisa Says:

    dont get me to be your bridesmaid then,youl be like yes,no,well not sure,maybe,

  33. lorryt Says:

    hi everyone

    i think after such a long time of days that are ok, i m afianlly saying up yours to this anxiety, i wake up in the mornings and think i dont care any more, i am so lucky to be here and have such a great family. im aware that it wont be like it all the time and i will have days when thingsd arent soo good, but i have come a hell of a lng way and things are finally starting to drop into place and make sense, deal with each day as it comes and learn not to worry what you cant change. simple but extremey effective. i feel like i have turned the clock back ten years in my attitude and rediscovered the me i was a long time ago, i dont wake up in the morning and jump out of bed and whip back the curtains and go wow its great to be alive, but i wake up and dont feel anyth of the physical symptoms, which to me is fantastic and the mental ones have faded to th eepoint of me sticking my fingers up at em now !!!! its a revelation and i am so glad i have followed this path and encountered these things, i can see where paul is coming from when he said you get to a point where you can see you wont suffer anymore. i am saying this now and am not worrying about tomorrow , thats another day . never thought i could feel like this , and im not worried if i dont feel like this tomorrow as i dont care. is this making sense. i have lowered my meds right down to 50 mg and will stay at this level for a while to see how i go. Candie how are things going ??????? . to all of you we can get there and this place has been an absolute godsend and you all giving support is without a doubt a real help. i think i have accepted things as they are and they will be like this all the time at some point . there fro the grace of god go i, and im not religious at all.

    have a good day all. and thankyou all ,

    lorryt lol

  34. Jude Says:

    hi Paul and everyone,

    I am new to this site but have been reading many comments from people for a while since I discovered the site – it is as you say lorryt, a godsend for people like us. So many things that people have said have made sense to me or comforted me.
    I am what you could say ‘old school’ when it comes to anxiety. I have experienced it for many years, probably more than ten, so can really relate to what motivated Paul to set the website up and write the book and generally try to offer some support and understanding to people like himself. I find that my anxiety has stages, depending on what is happening in my life and if I am beyond my comfort zone!! It all started in my early twenties when I was away at university and I had panic attack after panic attack, literally pinned to the sheets with fright and wondering what was happening to me….
    I was not only responding to stress that I must have been feeling, but my brother had died tragically a few years earlier and obviously all these things must have built up.

    Alas, I too got no professional help and consequently somehow managed to get better from this state, with help from a very supportive family, and from here went on to kind of self-diagnose and gain more knowledge and insight in to anxiety just from reading things and identifying symptoms. I wholeheartedly agree with Paul that this early stage is crucial in getting support and being reassured that you are not ‘going mad’ or experiencing something unique. It would have helped me a lot if I had that but no one thought to suggest ‘help’. Again, my experiences of GP’s are also all too familiar from some comments I have read here. My first visit saying “I think I’m going mad” had the female GP scoff “well you’re not are you?”, to which I hurried away with my tail between my legs. Since then on two separate occasions I have been prescribed beta-blockers, which totally missed the point each time anyway, and I never bothered to get the pills but would have benefited a lot more from some deeper knowledge of anxiety and being referred to something/anything that might have helped me to not feel so isolated!

    Well, up to the present day, I no longer have panic attacks as such. in response to those who are experiencing anxiety more recently, the horrible constant state of panic and DP does indeed fade. Infact I think it is magnified by fear of what is happening to you. Instead i can easily live my life day to day without experiencing anxiety, what I find is that if I go beyond what I consider to be my safety zone then I experience terrible feelings of nerves and anxiety, much of which is a result of probably never having had support early on to nip it in the bud! So in this case, anxiety does to a certain degree rule my life although not impacting on it all the time. I am at a stage where I want to still move forward from this place and be able to do ANYTHING without the tension/anxiety. I am interested and encouraged to read that actually just keeping on doing things does help, as I suppose on a larger scale I have stopped doing the things that are more difficult, like travelling!! I feel that having found this website it could be the missing bit of the jigsaw to help me really stop fearing the thought of anxiety.

    I have the chance to go away for a week in September which involves a plane – aaggghhh!! I am not sure yet, but it is times like this that bring up the emotional stress of having anxiety and just wishing I was “normal”, if you know what I mean.

    sorry this is sooo long. Years of not really having anyone to relate to what I have been going through has obviously made me get verbal diaorrhea!! (spell). I tried writing that a few times, all wrong – whatever !! :)

    Thanks for the site Paul, very much.

  35. No More Anxiety Says:

    Hi Jude and welcome. More than that thank you for writing the above. I think more than anything when I look back, the thing that still bothers me to a certain extent is that for a long time I had no one that understood what I was going through. I felt lost and bewildered enough to what was wrong with me and to receive little or no help or have any explanation, certainly made me worse, I just wanted some answers. So yes that was the motivation to set the site up. To this day how many must suffer without answers or explanations? Luckily the site does reach a hell of a lot of people for one reason or another and hopefully will carry on doing so. Like you say just having something to relate to, advice or seeing people making good progress, is such a comfort and help.


  36. Symbiotic Says:

    Just wanted to say that I think its great that people who have recovered are coming back on to support. I really connect with you all say (especially Imogens most recent post). At this point I pretty much understand my symptoms and they dont scare me, and my fears are dissapearing. My only problem now is that I sometimes get scared I will beleive an odd though as true, which deep down I know I wont, but that feeling still comes to me.

    I have a challenge for everyone though, something that I challenged myself and that has been a great help to me through this process.

    Challenge youself to be better than you are, in every aspect of life.

    I am in college and do pretty well, but not as well as I could. These last two quarters (with anxiety) I pushed myself to do the best I can, because I knew it would bring up my confidence and also be a great distraction from anxiety. It was very hard to focus, but I ended up doing better these last two quarters than I have ever done in school.
    The confidence gained from accomplishing a challenge to yourself is great (especially when your dealing with anxiety/dep), and anxiety can never take that away. I also somehow managed to get over my fear of spiders, and am trying to break my fear of flying.

  37. Jude Says:

    Thanks for your response Paul.
    One thing I have trouble with is travelling too far from home. Although I no longer have anxiety every day it seems that it is because I have found safety in my every day routine but beyond that I notice the symptoms stirring again.
    I am interested to know if you can travel without any major difficulties? I find that the anxiety can attach itself to certain things, although it may not be the original cause, and I think this can happen if recovery is not found earlier on, like we have already mentioned.
    I wonder if anyone else finds travel a particularly difficult anxiety inducing activity to deal with and if so, how do or did they deal with it? This is still one of the major obstacles I am still trying to overcome – or not trying too hard!!! – if I am to take the approach of ‘whatever!’. It still feels difficult to apply this at times like sitting in an airport though (I imagine)….

  38. Dean Says:

    HI everyone

    I wrote a message here about a few days ago,asking about the symtoms of the skin,burning itching and crawling sensations if its all part of anxiety.i experienced anxiety for the first time last year and came through it,the symptoms were not as many as i am experiencing now.i havent been to the docter because they just scare me and give meds that dont even help you,that just cause more problems,thats just my view.i want to get better naturally,but i just need reasurrance on the matter that all these symptoms are all part of anxiety.

  39. lorryt Says:

    hi dean

    believe me all sorts of symptoms are anxiety. i get the itching from time to time it will go believe me. my physical symptoms are getting less and less all the time, look at them this way, they cant hurt you! they are sensations that will fade when the adrenelin decides its not gonna run around your body any more. I still get the thoughts from time to time, and i just say so what !. i am finally accepting it all and thats what counts !

    have a good day and dnt worry about strange things happening to your body too much lorrytx

  40. Dean Says:

    hi lorryt

    thank you for that reassurance i needed that,i do want to adopt that additude toward anxiety and my symptoms of so what and not pay them any attention and just give my body a real chance to do what it does Heal on its i said im not a docter person,i prefer the holistic way of looking at things,i think it benefits me far greater,thats just me.i dont have anything against docters,but i just dont like and all these people on here are a true inspiration,that you can get through this with 100% success,you just got to give yourself time and not be to hard on yourself.i think the difficult thing for me is not being able to control something thats not in my hands and it frustrates me and stresses me out and im used to having things done 123.Im learning that thats not the case with anxiety,its not an overnight thing.

    but anyway thankyou lorryt for those reassuring words once again and having the oppertunity to express how i feel on this blog.I think the real thanks goes to paul for setting this all up for people to come air there views.its great keep up the good work paul and to you to lorryt,because i know deep down inside i will be another success story.


  41. lorryt Says:

    yes dean you will be, its just the old addage time is a great healer. i am dounbting things today as having a bit of a set back no idea where it came from but just gotta get on and not let it get to me.
    you are very brave dean doing it without drugs i couldnt it has been very difficult for me as i have a family who completely relies on me, but as you say we will all get there in the. and you can believe we wil

    al the best

  42. dean Says:

    hi lorryt

    yeah i just got to be patient,its just this burning sensation in my skin and my skin is so sensitive its like i got sunburn on my face without the actual sunburn,so im obsesing over that symptom.oh well its not in my hands,its up to the universe and g-d now.i cant control it and its hard but i just have to trust and and accept it and it will just fade away.dont worry you will bounce back,as paul says u have up days and you have down days.all part of it.i do take natural stuff like rescue remedy and i have been given stuff to take from this holistic healer and psychic.i have been brught to this healer for a reason and i must learn to just trust.i dont like the conventional meds,they just dont do it for me.i just sometimes doubt myself wether ive made the right choice or not.but as i said i will be devinely guided throught it ad shown the way through the holistic way of life.

    kind regards

  43. DaveM Says:

    Hey guys… It’s been a while since I’ve posted here, although I have kept up reading from time to time.

    My question is this one, how do you deal with the depression that comes with anxiety?

    I got over a bad bout of constant anxiety and had pretty much “gotten back to normal”. I was eating a lot again, working out, concentrating on my favorite sports teams, and hanging out with friends some, but I realized I was not happy. Now something happened that threw me back into an anxious mode, and with it I can’t tell if I’m more depressed or anxious? I just have an overall feeling of despair and hopelessness, and I notice that this often follows an anxiety attack/anxious state. The problem is the anxiety mixed in keeps making me worry for my future, like “what if this doesn’t go away, what if I spiral into such a bad depression I commit suicide” etc.

    I mean normally I guess when not anxious, I am unhappy and lightly depressed, but nothing serious, but when the anxiety hits hard, it follows with heavy depression. Just wondering if anyone else can relate to this?

  44. Oz Says:

    Hi Dave, I wanted to reply to you because I can relate exactly. I have always suffered with anxiety, on and off throughout my life. I was never prone to depression, the problem was always anxiety. The episodes and bouts were always short, never more than a few weeks. But last year I had a very severe bout in september that has lasted until now. The reason it was different this time is that unlike previously, I didn’t recover in a brief amount of time and stay recovered, I kept relapsing instead. This happened repeatedly so many times when I thought I had made progress that I began to lose confidence in my power to recover from this. Then the nature of the anxiety started to change. From red hot fear it suddenly began to become very creepy and strange instead like it was evolving more and more into a depression, I felt gloomy, oppressively dark emotions which were made worse by depressing dreams that would haunt me throughout the day. Like you I wasn’t sure if I was suffering from anxiety or just depression anymore. I felt angry that the anxiety had damaged me in such a way that i was now having to contend with a depression – which I had never had before – as some kind of scar from the anxiety. I’d almost go as far to say as the anxiety is not the main problem anymore so much as the depression it has left behind, that scares me enough to make me anxious all over again. Has anybody else experienced the effect of having the anxiety leave a frightening depression behind and does the acceptance and patience work for the depression to? Because this after effect seems equally as frightening.

  45. Jules Says:

    Hey Oz
    I’m sorry to hear what you have been going through. Reading your experience rings similar to my own experience. I have had anxiety for some months which at times I seemed to recover from but as you say in more recent weeks it seemed to progress into a depression which runs alongside and at times supercedes the anxiety states.
    In my view it is not the scar of anxiety that is causing this, more that it is part of the same parcel, underlying perhaps. You can recover from depression as much as you can anxiety and I do believe that acceptance and patience can work.
    I understand what you mean when you say the ‘after effect’ the depression I gather can be equally as frightening. Its all expressions of distress whatever symptoms and experiences its how we learn to live alongside them without adding more fuel, to sit with the unpleasantness and fear and let it pass.
    It is possible to make a full recovery, be it depression, anxiety or depression and anxiety. People so often experience a mixture of symptoms. It’s easy for me to say this now but I, like you have suffered times of doubt and fear that i will not recover. Like any illness it will run its course and there will be things within your control that you can do to help yourself.
    Take care.

  46. Oz Says:

    Thanks Jules for your advice and experience. I’m sure we all will recover and I do apply acceptance and patience to this depression too. I understand that it is part of, or at least caused by the anxiety and I think part of the depression may just be exhaustion of my brain, a year is a long time to be anxious. I have made so much progress from the state I was in around the winter time, before I found this site and learned the skills I can use now. I would let myself become hysterical so easily when I woke up in the morning (and mornings are always the worst) and scanned my feelings straight away as soon as I woke up and became distraught if they were bad. Now I just let the feelings be there without questioning so much and eventually they do pass, I have more good days now as opposed to everyday being unbearable but the depression is a worry simply because my anxiety bouts had never developed into a depression before.

  47. Natalie Says:

    Hi guys,
    i too suffer from depression as part of my anxiety. I put it all my symptoms under the same umbrella and deal with it as a whole rather than individually. So i treat my depressive feelings the same as my anxiety.

    A Dave explains above, i too seem to notice the pattern of feeling depressed after a heavy period of anxiety. For example, i became incredibly anxious trying to organise my birthday party a few months ago, so much so that a few days after the party, i became so depressed i didn’t get out my bed for days and was in a black hole with nasty thoughts of killing myself going through my head (it wasn’t just a bad hangover!)

    Looking back now i notice how the anxiety built up over a few weeks, until i became completely mentally exhauted and fell depressed. So with this in mind, is it any wonder we can feel depressed as a symptom? It must be the most normal thing to feel depressed given our minds are so knackered with all that worrying and obssessing we do! Don’t let it be something else to worry about. Like anxiety, we need to make love to the depression (!) rather than fight it off!
    Recovery will happen for all of us.


  48. Imogen Says:

    I am a bit drunk now guys, but hate the places that some of you are in. Please have some love in your heart and open your mind to reading Elkhart Tolle’s Power of Now or a New Earth. I promise you, this will take you to a better place.

    Let love into your life…


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