Comments on: Recovery from Depersonalisation / Derealisation http://anxietynomore.co.uk/blog/2008/06/05/35/ Anxiety no more Helping sufferers overcome anxiety and panic issues Thu, 17 May 2012 16:47:41 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Matthew http://anxietynomore.co.uk/blog/2008/06/05/35/#comment-21629 Matthew Thu, 26 Apr 2012 12:43:36 +0000 http://anxietynomore.co.uk/blog/?p=35#comment-21629 I had my first panic attack at Christmas last year, had to take two months off of work and recovered - here is what I've learned about DP/DR from my own experience, ardent research from numerous perspectives and speaking to others: Imagine a balloon extending out from your centre, your "aura" if you will, which determines your sense of self emotionally invested and connected to your body, immediate and larger environment. Depersonalization is Derealisation in it's acute form. The baloon has completely contracted. When this occurs, you don't even feel emotionally connected to your mind or body. Eventually, Depersonalization will begin to subside - you will begin to emotionally identify with your mind, your body, but there will still be a lingering sense of derealisation to your immediate and larger environment. When this occurs, take it as a sign of progress - you are beginning to let go and come out of your hiding hole. Gradually, you will begin to feel connected to your immediate environment (perhaps family, close friends and some prior interests). Eventually, you will again feel fully connected to your larger environment (I.E, the world) with full senses. Here are some practical tips I've found helpful when dealing with this phenomena when it's acute - since a complete letting go isn't really an option at this stage: - Remember always that the clinically insane do not know that they are. One of the major markers of psychosis (I.E, what is deemed to be insanity) is a lack of knowing. There is a big difference between being insane and fearing that you might go insane. The latter is an illusion designed to perpetuate the anxiety cycle. Anxiety can be defined as an obsessive worry about the future. At the time of my DP, I sought therapy and she noted that I'd be the least likely person to go insane, as I had such an awareness of my own mind. Rest assured, insanity or death is an illusion and worrysome thought designed to keep you in the cycle. You're simply on overdrive. - Crying. If you feel hopeless, cry out to someone close. Blubber like a baby. This puts you back in touch with your emotions gradually. Stress hormones are released in tears and you'll feel better afterwards, and less disconnected. - Epsom salts baths to relax. Herbal sleeping tablets. Relaxing music. Sunshine. - Reading the accounts of others, and stories of encouragement and progress. What didn't help: - Constantly self-diagnosing mentally and via google. - Self-help that is focussed on "taking action" Ultimately, emerging is a case of letting go. But this may be facilitated by a change in perspective. What has this entire ordeal taught me? Have I become a more compassionate, understanding and insightful person as a result? Can I help others get through this? If you can change your perspective and transform a negative experience into something positive, you have more of a chance of succeeding at letting go. This will only be possible to realise when the condition is no longer so acute. Letting go also isn't a case of constantly fighting the feeling of anxiety with thoughts of "I must let go", "I must overcome this". That is still feeding the cycle. Letting go is actually just letting go and being in the present. Remember, emotions are energized by thoughts. You can break the cycle by accepting how you feel and getting on with your life. You cease to think about it. This naturally occurs after two things: - Aknowledgement and realisation that you've been creating the illusion all along. - You are not your thoughts or mind, but the self or "soul" that is behind the thinker, the awareness or knower. Your mind is an instrument to be used and you are not going to be used by it. - A deep decision that you're fed up with feeling this way and don't want to do this to yourself anymore. Some people may think that there is an underlaying root as to why this has occured, a past trauma or issue deeply embedded in the unconscious - and that digging deep and undertaking therapy might solve the issue. To that I will say, the realisations about your past and why this occured will naturally and spontaneously arise to be integrated once you've fully let go of the cycle and fully healed. The mind will unconsciously and naturally begin to integrate the experience and you will grow and become a stronger person as a result. Do not dig deep while in the cycle, it will only perpetuate. I hope this is of some help to someone. I had my first panic attack at Christmas last year, had to take two months off of work and recovered – here is what I’ve learned about DP/DR from my own experience, ardent research from numerous perspectives and speaking to others:

Imagine a balloon extending out from your centre, your “aura” if you will, which determines your sense of self emotionally invested and connected to your body, immediate and larger environment. Depersonalization is Derealisation in it’s acute form. The baloon has completely contracted. When this occurs, you don’t even feel emotionally connected to your mind or body.

Eventually, Depersonalization will begin to subside – you will begin to emotionally identify with your mind, your body, but there will still be a lingering sense of derealisation to your immediate and larger environment. When this occurs, take it as a sign of progress – you are beginning to let go and come out of your hiding hole. Gradually, you will begin to feel connected to your immediate environment (perhaps family, close friends and some prior interests). Eventually, you will again feel fully connected to your larger environment (I.E, the world) with full senses.

Here are some practical tips I’ve found helpful when dealing with this phenomena when it’s acute – since a complete letting go isn’t really an option at this stage:

- Remember always that the clinically insane do not know that they are. One of the major markers of psychosis (I.E, what is deemed to be insanity) is a lack of knowing. There is a big difference between being insane and fearing that you might go insane. The latter is an illusion designed to perpetuate the anxiety cycle. Anxiety can be defined as an obsessive worry about the future. At the time of my DP, I sought therapy and she noted that I’d be the least likely person to go insane, as I had such an awareness of my own mind. Rest assured, insanity or death is an illusion and worrysome thought designed to keep you in the cycle. You’re simply on overdrive.

- Crying. If you feel hopeless, cry out to someone close. Blubber like a baby. This puts you back in touch with your emotions gradually. Stress hormones are released in tears and you’ll feel better afterwards, and less disconnected.

- Epsom salts baths to relax. Herbal sleeping tablets. Relaxing music. Sunshine.

- Reading the accounts of others, and stories of encouragement and progress.

What didn’t help:

- Constantly self-diagnosing mentally and via google.
- Self-help that is focussed on “taking action”

Ultimately, emerging is a case of letting go. But this may be facilitated by a change in perspective.

What has this entire ordeal taught me? Have I become a more compassionate, understanding and insightful person as a result? Can I help others get through this? If you can change your perspective and transform a negative experience into something positive, you have more of a chance of succeeding at letting go. This will only be possible to realise when the condition is no longer so acute.

Letting go also isn’t a case of constantly fighting the feeling of anxiety with thoughts of “I must let go”, “I must overcome this”. That is still feeding the cycle. Letting go is actually just letting go and being in the present.

Remember, emotions are energized by thoughts. You can break the cycle by accepting how you feel and getting on with your life. You cease to think about it. This naturally occurs after two things:

- Aknowledgement and realisation that you’ve been creating the illusion all along.
- You are not your thoughts or mind, but the self or “soul” that is behind the thinker, the awareness or knower. Your mind is an instrument to be used and you are not going to be used by it.
- A deep decision that you’re fed up with feeling this way and don’t want to do this to yourself anymore.

Some people may think that there is an underlaying root as to why this has occured, a past trauma or issue deeply embedded in the unconscious – and that digging deep and undertaking therapy might solve the issue. To that I will say, the realisations about your past and why this occured will naturally and spontaneously arise to be integrated once you’ve fully let go of the cycle and fully healed. The mind will unconsciously and naturally begin to integrate the experience and you will grow and become a stronger person as a result. Do not dig deep while in the cycle, it will only perpetuate.

I hope this is of some help to someone.

]]> By: Heather http://anxietynomore.co.uk/blog/2008/06/05/35/#comment-20876 Heather Wed, 28 Mar 2012 22:15:01 +0000 http://anxietynomore.co.uk/blog/?p=35#comment-20876 Hello Paul! I'm 17 years old and in my junior year of highshool. I first had a panic attack in the summer of last year, but no anxiety or weird feelings afterwards. My second one was during Christmas break this past December. And since then, anxiety and depersonalization has set in. The beginning was horrible and I hated every waking minute of it. I just couldn't understand what was going on, because these feelings were so new and unexpected. I've been able to be A LOT calmer since the start of the year. The only thing bothering me SO much is the DP. I want you to know that your website is amazing and the only one that has helped my attitude improve hugely. I'm just beginning to really take your advice about letting it be and applying it to my life. It's a very tough thing sometimes, I feel like my emotions control me. I did a wonderful job today at living my life with it there and to not obsess so much over it. I feel like that's a great first step! And now, my feelings are beginning to slope back down. I'm not sure if it is just natural that they change so randomly, or if it may be my self doubt about recovering that's bringing me down. I think it may have to do with me allowing these negative emotions overrule me. Your advice really has made an improvement in my life. I would just possibly like to hear from you what you think. I really want to let my body do this right. Hello Paul! I’m 17 years old and in my junior year of highshool. I first had a panic attack in the summer of last year, but no anxiety or weird feelings afterwards. My second one was during Christmas break this past December. And since then, anxiety and depersonalization has set in. The beginning was horrible and I hated every waking minute of it. I just couldn’t understand what was going on, because these feelings were so new and unexpected. I’ve been able to be A LOT calmer since the start of the year. The only thing bothering me SO much is the DP. I want you to know that your website is amazing and the only one that has helped my attitude improve hugely. I’m just beginning to really take your advice about letting it be and applying it to my life. It’s a very tough thing sometimes, I feel like my emotions control me. I did a wonderful job today at living my life with it there and to not obsess so much over it. I feel like that’s a great first step! And now, my feelings are beginning to slope back down. I’m not sure if it is just natural that they change so randomly, or if it may be my self doubt about recovering that’s bringing me down. I think it may have to do with me allowing these negative emotions overrule me. Your advice really has made an improvement in my life. I would just possibly like to hear from you what you think. I really want to let my body do this right.

]]> By: Franco http://anxietynomore.co.uk/blog/2008/06/05/35/#comment-20675 Franco Fri, 23 Mar 2012 04:39:42 +0000 http://anxietynomore.co.uk/blog/?p=35#comment-20675 i have dealt with dp and dr for the past year almost and i got it from smoking weed one day and it was terrible and i feel the worst part about it was that my friends didn't understand me and my mother could not do too much to help me so i felt hopeless and so i researched it online and figured out that if u change your diet by drinking more water less caffeine it will help!! especially going on runs outside help to relieve my anxiety i had learned to manage my dp and dr like this for about 8 months until i tried to smoke weed again and i felt it sent me back into this dp dr situation so i recommend not to smoke weed or do drugs because it WILL do you mental harm but i know i will feel better again now because i am going to start running again and eating healthy again and don't give up because all dp dr is is an obsession of ur thoughts like "do i feel real and stuff " so when u feel these thoughts just replace them with other ones like what u want to buy ,what movie you want to see and you mind will forget about it and you will feel so much better able to function and be yourself again and if you feel you want to see your doctor about it don't be afraid because they will at least give you some tranquilizers to help you calm the anxiety and cope with your dp /dr and soon enough you will recover and understand you are in control of your life and not it so fight back. i have dealt with dp and dr for the past year almost and i got it from smoking weed one day and it was terrible and i feel the worst part about it was that my friends didn’t understand me and my mother could not do too much to help me so i felt hopeless and so i researched it online and figured out that if u change your diet by drinking more water less caffeine it will help!! especially going on runs outside help to relieve my anxiety i had learned to manage my dp and dr like this for about 8 months until i tried to smoke weed again and i felt it sent me back into this dp dr situation so i recommend not to smoke weed or do drugs because it WILL do you mental harm but i know i will feel better again now because i am going to start running again and eating healthy again and don’t give up because all dp dr is is an obsession of ur thoughts like “do i feel real and stuff ” so when u feel these thoughts just replace them with other ones like what u want to buy ,what movie you want to see and you mind will forget about it and you will feel so much better able to function and be yourself again and if you feel you want to see your doctor about it don’t be afraid because they will at least give you some tranquilizers to help you calm the anxiety and cope with your dp /dr and soon enough you will recover and understand you are in control of your life and not it so fight back.

]]> By: T http://anxietynomore.co.uk/blog/2008/06/05/35/#comment-17312 T Mon, 31 Oct 2011 00:15:14 +0000 http://anxietynomore.co.uk/blog/?p=35#comment-17312 I know this is an old post but would like to pitch in. I developed D.P. last year (2011). It took about 5 months to overcome it. How I overcame it, I'm not quite sure because I did overanalyze it everyday. Just out of the blue, my head became clearer and clearer each day. It felt strange to be normal again but was so ecstatic. Exactly one year later, I have it again, not sure how though because I was not going through hard times or any difficult stresses. I am having a difficult time accepting this because it has drastically changed my personality, energy level, and personal thoughts. I went from happy, talkative, fun, to a debbie downer, stays in bed all day, complaining. I also thought that once it goes away, it's gone for good. I feel mentally weak. I guess I will have to be a little more understanding about it and pretend the strange feelings aren't there. How can I though? I see and feel it everyday. It's hard to fake that it's not there. I know you are right about accepting the D.P. but I just can't help but notice I've become bitter from this... I know this is an old post but would like to pitch in. I developed D.P. last year (2011). It took about 5 months to overcome it. How I overcame it, I’m not quite sure because I did overanalyze it everyday. Just out of the blue, my head became clearer and clearer each day. It felt strange to be normal again but was so ecstatic. Exactly one year later, I have it again, not sure how though because I was not going through hard times or any difficult stresses. I am having a difficult time accepting this because it has drastically changed my personality, energy level, and personal thoughts. I went from happy, talkative, fun, to a debbie downer, stays in bed all day, complaining. I also thought that once it goes away, it’s gone for good. I feel mentally weak. I guess I will have to be a little more understanding about it and pretend the strange feelings aren’t there. How can I though? I see and feel it everyday. It’s hard to fake that it’s not there. I know you are right about accepting the D.P. but I just can’t help but notice I’ve become bitter from this…

]]> By: Gigi http://anxietynomore.co.uk/blog/2008/06/05/35/#comment-16907 Gigi Thu, 29 Sep 2011 16:51:15 +0000 http://anxietynomore.co.uk/blog/?p=35#comment-16907 Hi. This is my first time at this blog. I came here because I googled depersonalization. I have only done this once or twice - researched depersonalization online - and when I have done it it has helped me feel less alone. I really liked the post at the top of the page about acceptance. I believe in acceptance in general, although I don't think I have a lot of hope for myself with acceptance. At least I do not have a lot of hope for myself when it comes to my symptoms. The problem with my "condition" is that it is SO physical. In addition to having depersonalization and anxiety, I have symptoms that are in my body and that really get in my way. The worst symptom is dizziness. It gets in the way of my doing so many things, including connecting to people. It's hard to connect to people, even people I am close to, when I feel like I am on a rocky boat and can't find my footing. Much of my energy goes to managing how I am feeling and trying to just survive the dizziness and I have little left over for what is happening in the moment. It is VERY hard for me to just let the dizziness flow through me and to accept it. I am pretty sure that it is a symptom of my emotional stuff (I have been tested for other things and they have found no other cause for the dizziness) and it does go up and down, but I have rarely been able to change it with anything I do. It just comes and goes. And when I try to sit with it, it is almost impossible. I try to run away from it. I am wondering if there are any others on this blog who have a physical component to their DP that is overwhelming. I saw a reference to someone talking about blurred vision but I couldn't find the original comment. My dizziness (I don't know if it is dizziness exactly but that is what I cal it) has been so bad that it has affected my ability to work in any normal job. Fluorescent lights drive me crazy as do small spaces with too much going on in them. I have to do work where I am alone and can control my environment. And my relationships have really suffered, too. I can't just "be" with people because so much of my energy goes to trying to manage and cope with the dizziness. And of course the dizziness causes more anxiety, which can cause more dizziness! So there you have it. I am a prisoner of my own body and it is hard to see a way out. Some days are better than others for sure, but the symptoms seem to come and go based on things that are happening deep within me and it does not seem to respond to what I think and do on a conscious level. And as the person who wrote the entry at the top of the page said, I definitely worry about it. I suppose I could make a change in how much I worry about it, even if I can't exactly accept it or be calm about it. Maybe just not think about the bigger picture - like next week and next year and what's WRONG with me? - but just think about today and know that it is happening today and that I don't know the future or the how or why and that I just need to do my best today. Thanks! Gigi Hi. This is my first time at this blog. I came here because I googled depersonalization. I have only done this once or twice – researched depersonalization online – and when I have done it it has helped me feel less alone. I really liked the post at the top of the page about acceptance. I believe in acceptance in general, although I don’t think I have a lot of hope for myself with acceptance. At least I do not have a lot of hope for myself when it comes to my symptoms. The problem with my “condition” is that it is SO physical. In addition to having depersonalization and anxiety, I have symptoms that are in my body and that really get in my way. The worst symptom is dizziness. It gets in the way of my doing so many things, including connecting to people. It’s hard to connect to people, even people I am close to, when I feel like I am on a rocky boat and can’t find my footing. Much of my energy goes to managing how I am feeling and trying to just survive the dizziness and I have little left over for what is happening in the moment. It is VERY hard for me to just let the dizziness flow through me and to accept it. I am pretty sure that it is a symptom of my emotional stuff (I have been tested for other things and they have found no other cause for the dizziness) and it does go up and down, but I have rarely been able to change it with anything I do. It just comes and goes. And when I try to sit with it, it is almost impossible. I try to run away from it. I am wondering if there are any others on this blog who have a physical component to their DP that is overwhelming. I saw a reference to someone talking about blurred vision but I couldn’t find the original comment. My dizziness (I don’t know if it is dizziness exactly but that is what I cal it) has been so bad that it has affected my ability to work in any normal job. Fluorescent lights drive me crazy as do small spaces with too much going on in them. I have to do work where I am alone and can control my environment. And my relationships have really suffered, too. I can’t just “be” with people because so much of my energy goes to trying to manage and cope with the dizziness. And of course the dizziness causes more anxiety, which can cause more dizziness! So there you have it. I am a prisoner of my own body and it is hard to see a way out. Some days are better than others for sure, but the symptoms seem to come and go based on things that are happening deep within me and it does not seem to respond to what I think and do on a conscious level. And as the person who wrote the entry at the top of the page said, I definitely worry about it. I suppose I could make a change in how much I worry about it, even if I can’t exactly accept it or be calm about it. Maybe just not think about the bigger picture – like next week and next year and what’s WRONG with me? – but just think about today and know that it is happening today and that I don’t know the future or the how or why and that I just need to do my best today.
Thanks!
Gigi

]]> By: Kay http://anxietynomore.co.uk/blog/2008/06/05/35/#comment-16779 Kay Sun, 18 Sep 2011 23:18:20 +0000 http://anxietynomore.co.uk/blog/?p=35#comment-16779 Hi, I havnt written in nearly 3 years. In all this time I have been completely ok I am still a worrier but have no anxiety. I want to say thankyou to Paul David cos his book helped me alot. It teaches you that you have the power to to get rid off your anxiety & completely recover. Thankyou !!!! Hi, I havnt written in nearly 3 years. In all this time I have been completely ok I am still a worrier but have no anxiety. I want to say thankyou to Paul David cos his book helped me alot. It teaches you that you have the power to to get rid off your anxiety & completely recover. Thankyou !!!!

]]> By: Vanessa http://anxietynomore.co.uk/blog/2008/06/05/35/#comment-15828 Vanessa Sun, 03 Jul 2011 20:11:55 +0000 http://anxietynomore.co.uk/blog/?p=35#comment-15828 Hi all, I am new to this blog! i am a 22yr old girl who has been suffering with anxiety and dp for about 3 1/2 months. I read Paul's book about a month ago and has been soo helpful in giving me peace of mind. My anxiety/panic is hugely reduced and I don't struggle to go places and my racing thoughts and constant questioning of how to get better are basically gone. However, the dp is still very strong for me and I was hoping someone may have some past experience with this to offer me. It's a strange symptom as for me it is like I can't see things as I normally do, or have that emotional connection to my surroundings or the people around me. Paul your information makes total sense to me and has been a huge relief to know that this won't last forever. I just wanted to know if anyone can relate to this whilst they were going through recovery.... I have a real hyperawareness of dp because of the way I am seeing things and I find myself monitoring if it's gone or improved etc. The other day for literally 5 minutes a magical thing happened, for a brief moment my surroundings felt 3D again, I felt a burst of reality, things suddenly had and impact on me and I felt a connection to my refection in the mirror. I just wanted to know if this is usual in recovery that sudden moments like that happen and then you go back into the state of dp?? I tried not to react, but that moment of clarity was great evidence to show me this dp really is just a state of mind. Does recovery from dp usually start by having moments like that and does this mean good things to come, possibly more to come?? I have no idea why that moment came, or how, should I try and understand how as a means of getting more? Any stories or advice would be so greatly appreciated!!!! Hi all,

I am new to this blog! i am a 22yr old girl who has been suffering with anxiety and dp for about 3 1/2 months. I read Paul’s book about a month ago and has been soo helpful in giving me peace of mind. My anxiety/panic is hugely reduced and I don’t struggle to go places and my racing thoughts and constant questioning of how to get better are basically gone. However, the dp is still very strong for me and I was hoping someone may have some past experience with this to offer me. It’s a strange symptom as for me it is like I can’t see things as I normally do, or have that emotional connection to my surroundings or the people around me. Paul your information makes total sense to me and has been a huge relief to know that this won’t last forever. I just wanted to know if anyone can relate to this whilst they were going through recovery…. I have a real hyperawareness of dp because of the way I am seeing things and I find myself monitoring if it’s gone or improved etc. The other day for literally 5 minutes a magical thing happened, for a brief moment my surroundings felt 3D again, I felt a burst of reality, things suddenly had and impact on me and I felt a connection to my refection in the mirror. I just wanted to know if this is usual in recovery that sudden moments like that happen and then you go back into the state of dp?? I tried not to react, but that moment of clarity was great evidence to show me this dp really is just a state of mind. Does recovery from dp usually start by having moments like that and does this mean good things to come, possibly more to come?? I have no idea why that moment came, or how, should I try and understand how as a means of getting more? Any stories or advice would be so greatly appreciated!!!!

]]> By: K http://anxietynomore.co.uk/blog/2008/06/05/35/#comment-15667 K Mon, 27 Jun 2011 23:59:45 +0000 http://anxietynomore.co.uk/blog/?p=35#comment-15667 Hi Everyone, @Allison- i feel the sam way. I often wonder if its dp/dr i have or something else. My vision is dimmer and duller and I haven't seen anyone post these symptoms as symptoms of dp/dr. This is what gives me the most anxiety. Anyway, I feel for you because I feel the same way. Questioning what is normal anymore.. Hi Everyone,

@Allison- i feel the sam way. I often wonder if its dp/dr i have or something else. My vision is dimmer and duller and I haven’t seen anyone post these symptoms as symptoms of dp/dr. This is what gives me the most anxiety. Anyway, I feel for you because I feel the same way. Questioning what is normal anymore..

]]> By: Allison http://anxietynomore.co.uk/blog/2008/06/05/35/#comment-14896 Allison Mon, 09 May 2011 23:31:12 +0000 http://anxietynomore.co.uk/blog/?p=35#comment-14896 Hi Paul, Lately I have been suffering from the fact that my thoughts are so bizarre and I can feel no peace of mind at all. I feel so strange and I constantly am bewildered that I am still in this state eventhough I know why. Also it feels as though I have no idea how to be the person I once was before I started dealing with anxiety. Is this also depersonalization? I have no idea how to be normal anymore or even think of normal things and it is killing me. If anyone has any advice on this or has felt this way please let me know because it is my last symptom to go. Hi Paul,

Lately I have been suffering from the fact that my thoughts are so bizarre and I can feel no peace of mind at all. I feel so strange and I constantly am bewildered that I am still in this state eventhough I know why. Also it feels as though I have no idea how to be the person I once was before I started dealing with anxiety. Is this also depersonalization? I have no idea how to be normal anymore or even think of normal things and it is killing me. If anyone has any advice on this or has felt this way please let me know because it is my last symptom to go.

]]> By: Shortyroro http://anxietynomore.co.uk/blog/2008/06/05/35/#comment-14889 Shortyroro Mon, 09 May 2011 00:55:42 +0000 http://anxietynomore.co.uk/blog/?p=35#comment-14889 Hi Paul, I have had anxiety and DP for 5 months now and I was wondering if it is common to completely lose hope in yourself and feel like your entire existence is unreal or just a dream. My whole anxiety started because I started thinking I was stuck in a dream and from there it has led to panic attacks, depression, anxiety, and DP/DR. Lately, I have only really been dealing with DP/DR, but I feel like I have completely lost all hope in believing this is my life. At the beginning, I still felt hope that I would get better, but now I do not even believe that I am really here and that I am not living in a dream. Is this common? I hope so. Hi Paul, I have had anxiety and DP for 5 months now and I was wondering if it is common to completely lose hope in yourself and feel like your entire existence is unreal or just a dream. My whole anxiety started because I started thinking I was stuck in a dream and from there it has led to panic attacks, depression, anxiety, and DP/DR. Lately, I have only really been dealing with DP/DR, but I feel like I have completely lost all hope in believing this is my life. At the beginning, I still felt hope that I would get better, but now I do not even believe that I am really here and that I am not living in a dream. Is this common? I hope so.

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