How do I feel normal again with anxiety?

Well its been a while since my last post and sorry to everyone who follows my blog, I have been super busy and things will now be back to normal. I try and title the posts for people who may place these statements in the search engines, this way you reach more people. There is no point putting the word advice as nobody will find it. So this is today’s title and something I have not covered before.

This post covers something that I went through and wanted to share with others as I feel it is very important. When I was going through recovery a couple of stressful things happened, day to day problems, that put me under a lot of stress and as my anxiety was always close to home, Bham it sent me into a setback. I can remember two very bad setbacks, as though I was walking a tightrope with my mind and also I was very anxious again, it was not a nice feeling. Now the first time this happened, I sort of hid away, did not dare put one foot in front of the other for fear of making myself worse, I thought about not going places. Also I tried to think and fight my way better, which is never a good idea. Well I felt like I was being swallowed up, this was not working, so I changed tactics and lived my life as I normally do. I stopped tip toeing around, watching how I felt, basically being worried about it and how I could climb back up. I just got on with my day as normal, made breakfast, went for a bike ride, come back and made something to eat. Got up the next day and went to town and then went out at night. In all this I felt awful, I truly did not want to do anything, but sit and feel sorry for myself. But within a couple of days I felt like me again. The second time I had this kind of setback I did the same again and although again I just wanted to hide away, I did not, I was wiser now, and again a couple of days and I was back to my old self. My stress levels had gone down and I was back to just having anxiety in the background.

Now this taught me a very important lesson, it was to help me all the way through my recovery. This lesson was not to be bluffed by how I felt at anytime, no matter what, I was not going to be bluffed by the way I felt and just carry on with my day. More than anything it taught me that to find normal feelings you have to live normally and have normality in your day. Don’t hide away worrying, don’t worry that your mind races or what it says, I only ever had odd thoughts that stuck when I had high anxiety, so I knew that’s all that caused them and so never let them bother me. They were something that would calm when my anxiety levels went down and they always did. It taught me that the best way to come through a setback was just to be, the more normal living I crammed in, the more my body caught up. In fact that was my saying ‘The more normal things I do and have in my day, the quicker my body catches up’ . It taught me a lesson even when I felt average, just to live my life and not be bluffed by how I felt. Don’t be bluffed into thinking you are back to square one, you are not. It the height of a setback feeling good felt so far away, unreachable sometimes, but as soon as I felt better and my anxiety levels dropped I could not see myself in a setback. This is the point, don’t be too impressed by how you feel at any given time, these times always pass. The more you go through these times the stronger you become and the more belief you build.

Some people say they like to keep working or take a break and like to go back, as it gives them this sense of normal living and helps and I agree it can, if you feel able to work, even if its just part time. Anything normal in your day helps. I used to go swimming and felt the oddest person on the planet, but kept going each day and in time I felt more and more normal, I was not going to sit at home feeling sorry for myself, trying to figure things out all day, I wanted normality in my day. Even now I spend a lot of time on-line as I have to through what I do, but I have to have time outs, to refresh myself and do other things, it brings a lot of normal living into my week and keeps my mind active and refreshed.

Hope that makes a lot of sense and helps people.


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94 Responses to “How do I feel normal again with anxiety?”

  1. candie Says:

    Thankyou for posting that Paul, i am in the middle of a setback.. although its not as bad as some of my worst anxiety days, it did make me question everything and want to feel sorry for myself.

    I have managed to carry on as normal, i didn’t want to as some of my obsessive odd thoughts creapt back in and stuck.. but i think it was important it happened again so i could learn to deal with these moments and apply acceptance…

    Feel much better now from reading your post, i think i will go get dressed and get out and about.

  2. No More Anxiety Says:

    I have managed to carry on as normal, i didn’t want to as some of my obsessive odd thoughts creapt back in and stuck.

    That is the key moment Candie, trust in my advice and you will come through, its because you are in the middle of a setback that thoughts come stronger and stick. Trust me on this, I went through this many times and always came through, we always do. It just seems worse in the middle of a setback and although we want to hide away and feel sorry for ourselves and question everything all over again, the best way is just to go against your instincts and do the opposite, trust in your body to bring your levels back down. And as you say the more times you come through, the more you believe you awlays will, in fact you know you will and setbacks then don’t have the same effect, they lose a lot of power, there still not nice, but they don’t hold the same fear and bewilderment.

    I hope people now see it as a process, it was a process for me that brought me to how I am now, there are no quick fixes and don’t fall for anyone that tells you there are, these people just prey on your desperation. So many people get in touch and say how much better they feel, most people on this blog have come so far, that’s all you need to tell you that you are on the right track.

    Take care


  3. samantha Says:

    hi paul

    i have not been on the forum yet i tend to keep away from them i know yours is somewhat different but i still get obsessive with them so i hope you dont mind if i dont join the blog is all i need as every post is usually relevant to what i am going through

    keep u-p the good work


  4. No More Anxiety Says:

    Samantha a lot of people asked when I was going back to the blog and stated that they prefered it. I feel, like you it works better and gives me more time and so I decided to take the forum down. I actually had doubts about it before I set it up. I came to the same conclusion, firstly I did not have the time to run a forum and secondly I feel the blog helps far more people and is more beneficial, a forum can be too much at times. So the postings will carry on as before.


  5. lisa Says:

    hi hope everyone ok !! nice to be back on the blog, hows your next book doing paul??

  6. candie Says:

    Thanks Paul :)

    I do carry on as normal, and if i feel bad i think to myself ‘it will pass’

    If i find myself fighting it, or investigating thoughts i think to myself ‘its ok not to fight this anymore’.

    I went out shopping, felt every feeling of anxiety and low mood.. but i did it anyway. I still feel bad, and i still cant get past a thought that has stuck.. but i understand it is high levels of adrenalin that are making a daft thought into something bigger then it actually is. Once my anxiety levels have calmed i know i will think ‘god i was been daft over something so silly’….like i always do.

  7. No More Anxiety Says:

    Next book, ouch Lisa, its not really, it is stuck a 3rd of the way through as just don’t have the time to finish it just yet. I am just trying to get a new site off the ground selling high end make up, estee lauder, mac, lancome..etc….etc. I know don’t ask : )

    Candie well done you, that’s the key, just carry on, don’t try and get past the thought that has stuck, just understand that it will pass, that’s the better attitude. I had a built in attitude that whatever was going on it was just anxiety and it would pass, just like the time it did before and the time before that. You just get a built in attitude eventually and your confidence grows.


  8. Manuella Says:

    This blog is like the theme song from Cheers (anyone?)

    “Where everybody knows your naaame….and they are always glad you caaame”

    Thank you again, Paul!

  9. Debbie Says:

    Just popped by to say hi to everyone, hope you are all ok and staying strong.
    good post paul.
    I’m getting on with my life with my feelings beside me, knowing that time is the greatest healer for us. That if we can live beside our feelings, thoughts and worrys and try to remember that ALL the feelings we have, whether they are physical or emotional, are related to a build up of stress.
    I sometimes catch myself thinking, “I shouldn’t be worrying i won’t get better if i worry” then i think, its ok to worry i know that i’m worried cause of all the stress. I know the reasons behind my thoughts and go with them. Don’t get me wrong they are horrible thoughts sometimes!!!
    But sometimes i just think, i have to be good to myself, not beat myself up if i can’t get that thought out of my head, i just think that its here for a while and will go in time.
    But i’m working away, having a normal life. Building my poly tunnel and planting my flowers!
    With love to everyone xx

  10. Jeff Says:

    Excellent topic Paul. This is a question I ask myself often. Although I have felt normal(What’s normal?) for the last 2 months I’ve had some racing thoughts lately which are a real nuisance. It’s interesting though unlike in the past these racing thoughts are not accompanied with fear or anxiousness now it’s just frustration and what if’s. I’m curious if anyone else has felt this way. I’ve told myself this is just the next step in recovery.
    By the way Paul thanks for sticking with the blog I also think it works better than a forum.

  11. lisa Says:

    wouldnt of thought you as a cosmetics guy but hey why not!!! did you find a helpful way to stop fearing how you felt,i know you said you just stopped fearing it, iv just got stop fearing the fear and thats it for me i tried at work tday to let it sit with me but it got to overwheliming i left my seat went out the back focused on me breathing then went back to work but stiil the anxiety remained. iv got through the dp the depression this is the last bit now i just fear how i feel its horrible.if i can get through this il be alot happier it just remains its as though the anxiety wants to stay :-( well done candie for going out ,it is easy to say no il stay in but you didnt good lass.

  12. lisa Says:

    hey manuella i like it CHEERS!!!!!; :-)

  13. No More Anxiety Says:

    Just want to say that is a very good post Debbie and I could not have said it better myself, you have really grasped things there and everything you have said and what you have done is correct. Of course its o.k to worry, anxiety makes us worry at times, but its always the same, just accept that you may, don’t worry because you worry, hope that makes sense, its the same as don’t be anxious because your anxious.

    Jeff I agree I totally think the blog works better and that’s why I have hung around a lot to today, to welcome everyone back.


  14. JR Says:

    how is it so easy to slide back into fighting? Right now I’m feeling confused but deep down I know I’m on the right track. It’s seems the hardest time for me is work (i have a mentally demanding job) and my boss is really high strung and kind of everywhere. He or anybody in the office doesn’t know of my condition (dp, anxiety). I’ve worked here ever since my anxiety/dp started.

    Maybe I’m the poster child of learning about setbacks.

    Here’s the deal…I’ve had times where I’ve felt great and the love and emotions for my wife and life just flood back and everything makes sense. Most of the time these feelings come soon after reading Pauls book or the blog and just releasing the weight of this illness. I feel mentally sorted and during those times I think how could i take a comment that meant to be funny or joking around (sort of poking fun at me) so serious. Or I think it all makes sense now or when that little thought voice turns off in your head and things around you look 3D and normal its so awesome. Then somehow I fall back into fighting without even knowing it. Start listening to my thoughts (maybe because for that little while they were so positive and lovely). Then I try to get to how I felt and can’t then feel miserable and frustrated and depressed.

    On Monday, which was one of the best days i’ve had in awhile, I woke up and just with it, tried to not engage in self-pity and have a good day at work. Throughout the day I just let myself go and talked to people. It was odd because it was like my mouth was moving and my braining wasn’t conscously thinking and all these topics and words started coming out. It sure was nice. Sometimes I feel like I must think about everything before I say it like, but when I concentrate too hard on what I’m saying my mind and mouth lock up. Anyways during the day I was just trying to slow down – to talk more to the people I was taking photos of – or just try not to move so fast during the day. This had helped me feel better because I think I feel into the habit of moving so fast and acting like I’m super busy so I can avoid talking with people. I’ve noticed that I may of been hiding from these feelings/thoughts by acting like that. But now I don’t know when I’m acting and not acting. It’s confusing.

    Sometimes I let go and my great for a few minutes or a day then start thinking how great this is, but “how am I going to do this again tomorrow I’m so tired or maybe then think “i’m getting better so fast” and actually get scared of recovery. Weird I know.

  15. JR Says:

    jeff i know what you mean about not really fearing the symptoms or thoughts, but now they’re just so annoying and it creates a lot of frustration. Also, has anyone experienced the state of hyperactivity? I used and sometimes still do, just feel like getting things done is my top priority. I get a lot of things done during the day and it sort of feels good to get things done, but then I look back and had no fun while doing them. I just rushed thought them to get them done. I’ve really tired to slow down and enjoy just doing them even if it takes a little longer. Just a thought.

  16. JoeyLowtown Says:

    I had a dodgy day today really. Few beers with the match last night. Read the paper this morning and reading about that sicko in austria made me feel very sick and worried that some individuals in society are capable of such things. I got all worried then. Weird, but these are the kind of thoughts I suffer from. Like big existensial questions, such as why are we here? and why do people suffer? but I didnt come as hard as it used to cos I accepted it!

  17. candie Says:

    I am really glad i had the set back now… with each one comes more beleif/knowledge in recovery and acceptance. This was a breakthrough in my attitude towards anxiety,before i thought that i had to feel ok when i was anxious or i wasnt accepting; but how wrong was i.

    I now know that accepting is nothing to do with feeling better. Infact you have to let go of the battle, to get on with things anyway and take the anxiety with you… but as paul said in an earlier post ‘dont make a monster out of it’.

    I’m glad im feeling better and that it has passed, but im also glad i went through it.. i can totally see now that anxiety cant be figured out in the mind, and that in the height of an anxiety attack our mind can make a mountain out of a mole hill.

    Thanks for todays post Paul, it was like u read my mind as i read it this morning!!

  18. Beth Says:

    I’m glad to have the blog back. Maybe I’m not savvy enough for the forum, but there just seemed like a whole lot of stuff going on!!!! There is no doubt about, setbacks stink. But, I will say that I have learned to just keep on keepin on and eventually I look back and see that it is over. The physical symptoms are the worst for me, because, of course, I worry. Anyone have any good advise for getting past that part. thanks

  19. Mark T Says:

    This post has been really good. Had a rough day today and it has really helped. I also think that just sticking to the blog is a good idea. Keeps all the information more manageable and easier to take onboard.

  20. Jeff Says:

    JR I have been there worrying about feeling better and “fighting it” day to day. For me this did get easier over time and this blog and Paul’s book were a big help. I also feared getting better and remember reading some old posts about this and how many uof us worried about what we would worry about if we didn’t have anxiety. If it makes you feel any better this doesn’t bother me anymore I look forward to feeling good and my good days have turned into good weeks.

  21. Jeff Says:

    Just a thought after reading all the posts, maybe our Motto should be “A blog a day keeps the anxiety at bay!”

  22. JoeyLowtown Says:

    Manuella, thats so true! This blog is very beneficial. Its more than a blog, its becoming a community! I understand about the forum, and believe me I am one hundred per cent respectful of Paul’s time and commitment. I was starting to like it and enjoying the idea of gettin to know each other. Paul you mentioned a walk a few weeks back? Anymore thoughts on this? Maybe I or another could take over the organisation to ease the load on you? I would really like to organise a walk for anxiety so the details of the charity you mentioned would be great?

  23. Rick Says:

    Thank god the forum has gone, i was struddling to shrink my head into a 90×90 lol……. The best thing about you Paul is your honest.. if something or someone is not working, you put it right. Ive alot of respect for people who can do this as i feel if i applied this. Sometimes i would have saved myself alot of ”STRESS”..
    Anyway totally agree with Joey on the beer thing, last night had a few (4pints to be exact) went to bed feeling fine only to wake up about a hour later really anxious and several hours later still wide awake. Today has been one of those days, but it goes. One thing that really bothers me is the DAJAVU feeling and that time passes so quickly…. anyone else????? and unfortunatly for me when im in this frame of mind i dont feel like anything… I think many people on hear talk alot of sence, but i think that its very hard to put these thoughts into practice thats why we have bad days… Oh well thats my rant for today.

  24. Jules Says:

    I posted for the first time the other day. I have been reading the book/website, blog and comments regularly over the last few months and it has been a pillar of strength for me.
    Beth, the physical symptoms are a big part for me too which then turns into worry about becoming terminally ill or that the physical symptoms are a sign of a serious illness. When i’m having a bad day, watching myself and worrying about my anxiety experiences I’m afraid that i’ll miss something, like if I pass this as anxiety and it’s not really anxiety but something more serious, and then the ‘illness’ may have got worse and i’ve neglected to notice etc. What helps me, having read the book etc is the understanding, trust and belief in my body’s own ability to heal itself. Through careful persuasion (of myself), this week, I was able to talk very calmly to myself that these symptoms were a process of my body healing itself and if it felt it needed to ‘grip’ me like it did then so be it, I would let it do what it needed to do but I would not react to it and continued doing what I was doing (cooking then getting ready for work). Within a couple of hours the symptoms subsided. Each time I am able to do this I am noticing that this can help towards reaffirming that it is anxiety and tired nerves that cause the strange thoughts, feelings and sensations I am experiencing.
    Each day is a new day for me now and I feel stronger having been through this setback and have been able to work through it without hiding like I have done in the past and that has made a big difference this time. I can very much relate to todays blog.

  25. JR Says:

    Jules it seems like you’ve grasp have it and something that i’ve noticed is that I’ll have a good understanding one day and then the next its totally gone, just like Paul said. When i did the linden method it said to put the book down and don’t open it and if you feel you need reassurance than get busy doing something and distract yourself. While i think that is good to a certain extent it caused me and still causes me to not want to look at Pauls book or the blog to remind myself of what i need to be doing. I have to keep reminding myself that if I seem lost and forget what to do or not do that I need to come back and read.

    With regards to the anxiety run, that would be awesome, but I live in Texas, USA so it would be quite a hike for me to get there. Also, Paul if you need help with the website or anything I could help. I’m the webmaster for three sites right now and I now that it can be very overwhelming at times.

  26. Jules Says:

    I think I was lucky to come across this website pretty early on in my anxiety without having tried any other method as such. Using Pauls method has made the most sense to me, as he adivse I have stuck to the one road. I think that distraction can lead to avoidance behaviour which doesn’t help but can add more problems(as I was advised through occupatonal health to do, distract myself to abort the darn panic attack, and she was a psychiatrist..with all due respect I didn’t argue with her). I don’t always understand either! small steps…

  27. Beth Says:

    Thanks, Jules. Your thought are helpful and reassuring. I do feel stronger everytime I come out of a setback. I wonder if that is the reason the setbacks seem worse when they come. More of a dramatic contrast between good and bad times.

  28. No More Anxiety Says:

    O.k please forgive me as I can’t go through everyones posts, but what I do is pull out the points that really strike home. Please don’t be offended if something is asked and not responded to, in fact you are best just asking in general than asking me direct as I do get very busy and the blog really has grown, which in turn means a lot more people post. I will pop in when and where I can and make some points on what I feel is the most important and may benefit people the most.

    Firstly Candie, I am revising my book soon, I do this about once every 6 months, just to add new things, things that come up or I feel I need to explain more. The breakthrough you had below is EXACTLY right and I came to the same realisation. You will get things bit by bit, what a lot of people do is read something and expect to know it all straight away. It really is like learning a new subject, things take time to sink in. But what wise words you have below, I keep saying it over and over, it does not matter how you feel and people still think they must feel o.k otherwise they are doing something wrong! Well done on that post below, I really could have not put it better myself. I used to come to so many new conclusions and it was like a light had come on ‘I get it now’ I had so many of these moments.

    I am really glad i had the set back now… with each one comes more beleif/knowledge in recovery and acceptance. This was a breakthrough in my attitude towards anxiety,before i thought that i had to feel ok when i was anxious or i wasnt accepting; but how wrong was I.

    On the thoughts things about not fearing them but they are annoying, this is fine, let yourself find them annoying, that’s what it came down to with me, its better than not only finding them annoying but worrying you are going crazy, fighting them, letting them frustrate you etc…etc…they will come through habit for a while, but trust me they do fade in time, but don’t make a big deal if they do or they don’t.

    On the Linden method. O.k I have never seen it or read it and if I say anything about it he gets his solicitors on the case, I know what I think and what others have told me, but I will keep it to myself. He even bought my book to check I was not copying it. This method if it works or not is a very publicised machine, that’s why you see it everywhere. Whatever you take out of anything that’s up to you, but again whatever feels right you go with. I have read more on the subject than most and straight away I can decide if its good or bad information. Through all my recovery if something did not feel right then I dropped it. I know what worked for me and that is what I teach and wrote down in my book. One thing I know is we are all built the same and everything people write here I went through, which takes me on to my last point.

    Trust me this was exactly what happened to me. I would remember everything one day and not the next. I would make a breakthrough and then feel great then get lost in the maze again. Again its like a process and things began to sink in more and more, my theory on this is that when are minds are tired we don’t soak up information the same, but more importantly it is a new way of learning things. If we were all a blank canvas and I taught what I do, people would slowy take things on board and learn in time. But what I teach goes against everything we have done so far. I went from fighting, worrying, watching myself to the exact opposite. I was still stuck in old habits, I was not only learning something new but also try and do the exact oppoiste, so you do get sucked back into hold habits from time to time.

    I am doing a photoshop course at the moment, just once a week and I follow everything he says and do the pratical side. I then go to practice at home a couple of days later and I have forgot how to do certain things. Again it just takes me to go back and ask again until it becomes natural and that’s the key, the day it becomes natural. People are learning a whole new way of thinking, trying to change habits, it takes time for the new attitude to become them and for things to really sink in.

    Lastly I am glad the blog is back also, I really do think it benefits far more. Also I have said it before, but the people on here I could not have hand picked better, a really supportive, friendly bunch, who it is a pleasure to know.

    O.k that’s me for today.


  29. Tarmo Says:

    What a great post Paul! When I sank deeper into depersonalisation I kind of stopped living for a while, hid at home and avoided meeting people. I thought that I’d figure my way out of that awful state and then start living again. At that time I hadn’t even heard of the word depersonalisation and thought I was the only one suffering like this. At some point I realised that I was only getting worse this way and I forced myself to start doing things and seeing people. It was very difficult and consuming at first and it felt really frustrating to do things without really even “being present”. But after a while I found myself having such a great time with people that I even forgot that I was “ill” for short periods of time. This was ground-breaking for me.

    I recently read an interview of a Finnish singer/songwriter and he said about happiness: “I’m at my happiest when i don’t even realise that I’m living”. I’m pretty sure most dp-sufferers share this view. When you’re stuck inside your own head analysing everything you can’t feel very happy and alive. That’s why it’s so important to get out there and do normal things to make the fog go away.

  30. No More Anxiety Says:

    Hi Tarmo, Nice to see you back posting. Yes I agree 100%, you described me above, avoid everything, hide away and when this damn thing has gone come back out and integrate again. Well that did not work and it makes so much sense to me now why. How could I expect to feel normal again by not living in the normal world and just going about my day. I was letting a feeling stop me and sinking deeper and deeper by worrying and fighting how I felt, spending useless hours trying to figure it all out.

    I really get the songwriter interview. Its like a child playing in the garden with friends, they have not a care in the world, they are too young to have stresses or even understand them. They just live minute by minute and enjoy the moment. I think we can take something from that.


  31. Mini Says:

    Hi everybody

    Thank you all for your posts. Well, I am recovering day by day with by following Paul’s advice. My only problem is that I have severe headache and eyes pain very often.

    And I am thinking a lot everyday. However, I am patient, because as Paul said: it takes time for tired nerves to heal.

    I wanted to know if anybody has tis headache problem. Well, i am anaemic also. Sometimes i feel that it’s the anaemia which is causing this.

    However, I would really thank Paul a lot.

    Please comment on this symptom.

  32. Frederic Floyd Says:

    dear JR

    Its taken me over a year now to forget about the Linden method’s destructive teachings. I was in complete ‘action’ mode, where all i could think of was ways of distracting myself and obsessing over whether a way was working so to speak.

    Takes a while to get into ‘letting be’ mode. Again, time is what it took to forget bad habbits.

    coming back to read good info is so important to me. I can just stand back a bit, and slow down….

    The blog is so good too, as re-reading the same stuff from the book can lose its impact.

  33. candie Says:

    Thanks Paul, my anxiety has been much easier to cope with today. I had a few thoughts, and felt anxious in general but i went out for a meal with my fiance and went shopping anyway. I trually beleive now that i have bad nerves, fueled by adrenaline which make me over react to something i know i wouldnt of give a second thought if i didnt have anxiety.

    The way i see it is this journey is like learning to drive, if you havn’t had anxiety too long it can be easier to accept the thoughts,feelings and being low… But if you have had it for a few years or more you pick up bad habits on the way, mostly from people with little understanding on the illness, people wanting to cash in on how awful you feel… and because fighting is a habit.

    But… and this is a big BUT!! If Paul can recover from 10 years of extreme anxiety without someone to explain away the setbacks, a book to refer to and a website and blog such as this…… then isnt is obvious with all our resources and practice we can do it too!

    Someone mensioned the linden method, my opinion on this is that it is complete nonsense! I dont think this is the right place for me to go into my opinion as we are all on the right path and thats all that matters. I will say one thing though, as the ex sufferer Linden claims to be… he would want to reach out and help as many people as possible right? Wrong.. he charges rediculous prices which most people cant afford. That says it all really!

  34. candie Says:

    This is a post for ‘Mini’ as she asked about headaches earlier. I can remember for two full years having these headaches, i dont remember being anxious, but i was going through a lot of stress when they started.

    Mine was so bad i had to have my mouth open all day, as ther was so much tension in my jaw, head and neck .. having it closed was agony.
    They are called tension headaches, when i was stressed i got them really bad. I used to go through two tubes of bonjella a week, convinced it was my gums but it wasnt…. id also take between 6-8 ibuprofen a day to get past. Every night sleeping was a nightmare, id be tossing and turning as i just couldnt get comfy. Any amount of pressure on the back of my head from the pillow was agonising. In the end i just got used to it, and learnt to live with it.

    For some reason now though they have gone , maybe its because i have stopped tensing against things. I do take omega 3 and a multi vitamin/mineral which might of helped too.

  35. lisa Says:

    hi i looked into the linden method few years ago i got tons of e.mails then rang me to see if i was going to buy it. when i said no the e.mails stopped.i also used to suffer terrible migraines had to go to bed couldnt stand light sound smells and all that was tension,i to like candie just lived with them and no longer have them. but sometimes food can cause them i cant eat strawberries or i get them wish i could but i dont or i no il get a migraine. well its friday hope everyone has a good weekend , try going for sum indian head massages they relieve alot of tension in your head :-)

  36. Tony Says:

    Hi Paul. I’d like to thenk you for the amount of courage and ispiration your site has provided me with esp in de-mystifying the whole experience. I really thought fighting and trying to take control was the key to escaping this weird twwilight hell world but as I put your advice into practive I have found that waiting and patience really do pay off. The only residual problem I am finding it very hard to shake off is NIGHTMARES. Before at the start of this episode (The 4th in this life and by far the most intense/longest) I welcomed sleep and the escape it gave me and looked forward to it. But now whereas the anxiety is slowly vacating my waking life it seems to have taken up residence in my sleep. I have weird, gloomy, emotionally unfamilliar dreams that leave me feeling awful and odd on waking and gradually fade off during the morn as I refuse to become hysterical or quickly do something to “take my mind off it” Instead I just wait and it fades. But none the less it makes me slightly apprehensive about sleeping now which threatens to set me back and I feel like this anxiety is trying to evolve itself into something more depressing/emotionally strange in order to give me something new to cope with and keep itself alive, does that make any sense? I know this weird depression is just burn out from months of being terrified 24/7 and once upon a time i used to find strange dreams interseting/amusing so its not the dreams but the anxiety. But at the same time I find it frustrating that constant terror is now being replaced with emotional dreams and depressing moods that threaten to make me anxious all over again. Is this just the residue anxiety leaves as it wears off? I’m not suffering every minute and have made a lot of progress but this weird after effect makes me nervous again. God this post is long. Sorry.

  37. Dave Says:

    Does acceptance still work if our lives are not right?

    Firstly I would like to say thanks to Paul for writing this book. I am 22 and have been dealing with heavy anxiety for about 2 months now. I purchased Paul’s book a few weeks ago and it has been tremendous. It really did just “make sense”. Whenever I am feeling down and I just think to accept how I’m feeling, it’s like a massive burden has lifted off my shoulders. I guess it takes time to make that a constant subconscious attitude though.

    My question is this, there are certain things in my life that I really focus on when I am feeling anxious. Many of you seem like your lives are “right” or on the right track and so if you can just get over this anxiety problem you’ll be fine. For example Candi above, who said she went out with her Fiance for lunch. But does acceptance work if your life is not “right”? By this I mean if you are unsatisfied with your career and love life etc.

  38. Dave Says:

    The Linden Method

    One more thing, about the Linden Method, when I first started to “freak out” and spent time searching the internet for a cure as many of us have, the Linden Method was one of the first things that I found. It looked very promising, so I read some of it, but it made absolutely NO SENSE. The distraction approach seemed completely ridiculous, everyone knows when you feel this way you cannot just “distract” yourself. To me, it’s a joke. Paul’s book made SO MUCH more sense though. I knew from the first few pages that this was the way. I also found some other stuff from people on the internet who seem to have gotten through this by acceptance as well.

  39. No More Anxiety Says:

    Welcome Tony and Dave.

    Just a quick note on the linden method. As I have said I have not read it, even when I suffered I was not tempted as anyone selling something so expensive does not have the persons interests at heart and I was convinced it would be a load of twaddle. I can’t comment on its content, I just go with what others tell me. But all it is is a very well publicised machine, that does not make it good, he has just been very good at marketing, but his people do watch and anyone slagging it off without proof can be threatened with legal action, just to protect his brand. And yes he bought my book to make sure it was not a copy of his, as I say they watch. Then by mistake he bought it again 3 month later, I stated that he had already checked it once, he said yes sorry it was a mistake can I have a refund……….erm no, you want to check up on me, you can pay for the pleasure.

    Dave just to go on your point, its not really just acceptance, its not letting how you feel rule you daily and what you do, forget the word acceptance, just live along side it and allow yourself to feel like this while you get on with your day, yes the feelings are still there and are not nice but you stop fighting, worrying, watching, trying to work it all out, this is your goal and it becomes natural, stopping all this fighting and worrying allows your mind and body to repair itself, this is the cycle you need to break, this is why people suffer for so long. They feel awful, anxious, so they worry and fight it, try and work it all out, everyday is a battle to get rid of this thing, what does this do? It adds more stress to an already anxious body, this daily fighting just adds to the feelings and until this cycle is broken nothing changes. And if any method did tell you to distract yourself….well I don’t think I could give any worse advice, how long will that last? Its the opposite of what I would advise to do.

    Also if your love life or job is a hindrence then only you can change that, that has nothing to do with anxiety, those are changes you need to decide about. I made lifestyle changes, work changes, I made a lot of changes to benefit how I felt. Any extra pressure whether it be a job or relationship, that is for you to make decisions on.

  40. samantha Says:

    hi all

    i got the linden method and i questioned the teachings via email to his support team funny i never got a reply uuuhm.

    i am at the moment doing quite well ( i think) but have off days but i carry on regardles.

    just one tiny question
    i have the thought that i will never be myself again anyone else get that one

    sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  41. samantha Says:

    sorry guys

    i forgot to add waves of depair anyone ?

    keep trucking everyone


  42. Beth Says:

    Candie, I know i’m not there yet, because I am at the point where “each day is a struggle, wondering when this awful feeling will go away.” But your post was truly inspiration, and I hope someday I can get to the point where you are. I have had glimpses of it, but then the old worried return. I don’t know you, yet I am so happy for you and wish you the best.

  43. Paul Mc Says:

    Hi everyone !
    Nice to see the blog in full swing again !
    I think you worded that very well Candie , I think acceptance comes when we least expect it , out of the blue or in my case it came this week , when i thought i was already there ! I wasnt because i was fighting with myself to accept , so i wasnt truly accepting !
    It came about , when iwas messing around on the site , I came accross a reply Tarmo had written , sometimeago , he was explaining how he had just realised how to accept , I could tell it was an emmotional time , as he had come to the end of his tether fighting the anxiety , it had made him exhausted ,tired and at the door of despair , he had no choiceand jst gave up fighting , he couldnt any more ,this brought about his acceptance , It inspired me and made me realise where i was going wrong , I know how acceptance truly feelsnow , i have managed to get over that hurdle !
    Thank you Tarmo !
    Samantha!! You will be yourself again , trust in the recovery process , it will take time , but you will improve bit by bit , be patient anddont try to push things along , Its abit like walking in the pitch dark ,you cant see where your going , but you know by just keeping going , step by step, that you will reach your destination !

  44. JoeyLowtown Says:

    Believe me everyone, we will get there. I think Im where Candies at now! Its taken me since october to get here! But Iv had fun along the way. I still have symptoms and feel bad often. It isnt the same anymore though! Keep the faith!

  45. candie Says:

    aww thankyou Beth :) You will get ther trust me. I had another anxiety attack tonight, it wasn’t pleasant but i just let it burn out when it was ready to. I didnt fight it or think… oh no here we go again i wish you would just go away. I just carried on doing what i was doing anyway and it has passed now.

    If you can learn to live with this thing, and not wish it away everytime you feel the slightest bit anxious.. then you are on your way to recovery.

    Everyone of you will reach this stage, just remember you have no control over when it happens.. just take the knowledge with you that we have learnt from Paul.. and let go of the battle… then it really is a case of the acceptance will come to you.

  46. Dave Says:

    Congratulations to Candie! I hope you stick around and offer us good words of advice. Thank you for the response Paul. I think I understand what both you and Candie mean. Once you get to the point where you live your life *regardless* of the anxiety than it probably starts to fade as it has no power of you. You accept that it’s there and just get on with your life. I feel that I would have no problem doing this except for ONE THING! My appetite. I am very conscious of my body and I try to keep my weight up as I have been working out and trying to “bulk up”. The only ACTUAL thing that anxiety can do to me, I realize, is hurt my sleep and my appetite. The sleep thing I have gotten over. I realize I can handle the sleep problem and the more I do the easier it is. But I haven’t found a way to handle the appetite problem. Whenever I become anxious I lose my appetite and the weight starts to drop off my body. This is the only barrier I really feel. I have tried drinking supplemental drinks and protein drinks when I have no appetite, but it’s still not the same as 3 big square meals. Oh well. I’m sure I’ll figure out.

  47. Dave Says:

    BTW, As for the L. Method, One of the main teachings is distraction. He suggests doing such things like blasting music as loud as you can whenever you feel anxious and doing whatever you can not to think about it. I just knew that was ridiculous advice, at least for me.

  48. candie Says:

    Thanks Dave :) Things will start to fall into place for you too, it isnt something you need to look for it will come naturally. I think it happened for me as i gave my body the break it needed, and i supose my sensitized nerves recovered a bit and became more resiliant so i wasn’t affected as much by my anxiety, then in the past few days i sort of found peace and acceptance.

    Hope everyone is having a good saturday!

  49. Nicole Says:

    Hi everyone,
    I bought Paul’s book a few weeks ago and have been following the posts’ as well. Both have been very helpful but I am wondering if someone might help with a block that I keep having. I have read so much over the last two years since my anxiety started and have seen a therapist as well who has helped me understand what this is. The problem is that I seem to obsess about not worrying about it, about applying all that I have learned and I know that this is keeping me anxious but I can’t seem to stop all of this mental analysis. It is almost like I have OCD for recovery! I know this sounds silly but has anyone else gone through this and been able to just let all these thoughts come and go? I know that my desperation to become well is also causing this trouble. All that Paul has discussed makes perfect sense to me. I guess that I am trying too hard to get well and I have days where I feel angry and frustrated that this is still here despite my efforts. Thanks so much for everyone’s honesty and positive outlook. Nicole

  50. Paul Mc Says:

    Nicole ,
    you answered your own question there ! the answer is there right in front of you ! , I am trying too hard to get well ! obsess about not worrying about it !! these are your words , while you try too hard and obsess you have not truly accepted your symptoms , you are still fighting it , let it be , there , any of it, all of it !no ammount of trying will get you there , its the not trying ,that is the only way , and it WILL come , you will see , pardon the french but if you can adopt the , I realy dont give a shit attitude , that the anxiety deserves then yo will beat it , that attitude only comes in time , you cant make yourself feel like this , its just your attitude towards the anxiety that gets you there , I hope you can understand where i’m coming from , please let me know , and i hope Paul agrees with what i have said , I am not fully recovered yet , but i know now , that what Paul has told us really does work , keep the faith !

  51. Paul Mc Says:

    Can I just add , every time I read about someone on here struggling , with there feelings and the anxiety , it makes me very emmotional , I want just to make everone on here better , that emmotion has only come because i have made progress , and feel able to react to things , i otherwise wouldnt have been able to before , that in itself is living proof that recovery does come and will come to us all ,just give it the time it needs !

  52. candie Says:

    I get that too PaulMC, i think its because we know how desperate having anxiety can make you feel.

    I am doing really well, the anxiety is here but i arn’t fighting it.. which is a releif as it burns out much quicker. The only thing im worrying about really is when i have an obsessive thought.. it can build up and when i’m at the ‘fight or flight’ stage i get terrified thinking i have a compulsion to act on the bad thought. Is this normal to have when we have anxiety?? I have thought it is just my bodies natural instinct to either run from a situation, or try and neutralise the situation to rid myself of the anxiety(figt or flight)…. I know it is adrenaline causing this, but a bit of reassurance would make it easier to float past!

  53. Paul Mc Says:

    Candie ! sounds like you have made huge leaps in the last week, keep it up! Take the good with the bad ,obsessive thought ? let it be there , laugh at it , it dosent deserve the credit ! You say is this normal !! remember you have suffered with anxiety for some time , and it will take time , on this side , to get into new habits and healthy patterns of thought , dont be fooled again with the obsessive , you know too much now ,and your smarter than that ! just roll with it ! Hey ! and it was really nice to see a pic of you , on , dare i say it ? the forum ! One of the good things to come out of it !!!

  54. Mini Says:

    Hi Candie…

    Thank You a lot for your reply. I am a bit relieved now. Just like you I do have some problems when sleeping, and i feel that it is also this lack of sleep that causes this tensing symptoms on the forehead.

    Sometimes i have funny sensations on my right thigh which prevent me to fall asleep. However Candie and all others we must remember we are far powerful than this anxiety thing and must not let it control us. Ok. Good Luck to you all on your recovery.


  55. Candie Says:

    Thanks PaulMC :) Well i had a really bad nights sleep last night! Kept waking up startled like something really bad was about to happen! I had a lot of things stressing me out yesterday though.. so i guess my body was releasing adrenaline when i was asleep. In the end i got out of bed at about 4am and started dancin around to get rid of some of the adrenalin. It worked as i got a couple of hours sleep after it lol

    Today i have got out of bed, regardless and made breakfast.. even though alls i wanna do is curl up and try get some sleep! First time iv missed a nights sleep in months lol

    Mini, iv had the sensation on my thigh and legs before.. it feels like a soft tickling sensation doesnt it lol… just another ofshoot of anxiety eh

  56. lisa Says:

    hi everyone hope your all well,your doing really well ,candie now your stopping the battle it does get easier . even now i get a silly thought ,i just wave or say” hi you” then they do get easier. once you become a master at them like you have with the battle they too will go, they will come in now and again but wont hang around ,straight in straight out because your not bothered about them. i too got emotional reading on the forum paul mc, reading some was like where i used to be, but keep positive the newcomers it does become ok in time you just have to stop battling and let go. read pauls book and put his advice into practise i did like the positive forum met some nice positive people but understand it was to much for paul . well its lovely weather hope everyone doesnt get too sun burnt:-)

  57. JR Says:

    So I need a little help with how people with anxiety should handle the work environment. I walked into work today and my boss comes in and starts talking about his trip then asks me about my weekend and after I say it was good he says did you get to make any decisions this weekend because your wife makes all the decisions. (Which is not true at all) Then he goes on to say that she stole my new car away from me and that he would never let that happen. (i’m borrowing a car from my dad and my wife has never had a nice newer car before so I wanted to let her drive it around and to work because she has been so understanding through all this anxiety. Then he goes on to ask what decisions i got to make over the weekend…by that time everyone in the office was listening open-eared and i just froze up.

    Really what bothers me it that lots of times I can’t really defend myself with words because my mind is so confused and running around. I get so down about this,, but at the same time I guess I’m worried that I’ll say something that makes him mad and he’ll really say things that make me freeze up and i’ll look stupid. I know that if I was at 100% that I could communicate better and think quicker and not question and really defend myself against stuff like this. It’s so discourgaging sometimes.

    I just don’t know if it would be better to quit this job to get better, or try to get better with this job.

    Thanks for listening you guys.

  58. Tarmo Says:

    anxiety causes a lot of insecurity and lowers the self-esteem but I can say from my own experience that when you start getting better, your confidence and ability to defend yourself increases dramatically! I used to want to please everyone and I often found myself thinking that “why did I let that person walk over me?”. After I started understanding this whole anxiety issue my self-confidence started going up and today I think I’m more able to keep my side and defend myself than ever in my life. I even find myself in situations where I advice other people to hold their ground better if I see someone’s abusing them in some way. All this “defending” can be done without any arrogance. If someone’s treating you like trash, don’t become trash. Why bow down to anyone who you don’t even respect that much?

    My opinion is that you shouldn’t quit the job unless you have a better one in mind. If you run away from one place, you easily take your habits to the new place as well.

  59. clare Says:

    hello everyone i would just like to tell people of my life with anxiety at the moment. im 33 and had this anxiety for nearly 3 years started with an inner ear infection. i woke up and felt completely odd i wasnt here on this planet i felt i never even knew who my kids where or where i was i didnt recognise my home, my living room my kitchen my bedroom this lasted about 3 months before i started to understand these symptoms i was constantly frightened of how i felt, then the thoughts set in i had them thoughts of wanting to hurt everyone, even my own children, i used to put my bed in front of the bedroom door i thought i was going to wake uo through the night and hurt my kids, (i live alone with my kids) it was the worst time of my life! i was in a relationship in which even my boyfrien terrified the life out of me because i didnt recognise him, i had constant headaches, blinking eyes, extreme dp, i really was frightened of absolutely everything, i couldnt even go outside my front door without feeling scared because i didnt recognise anything at all. anyway i found out i was pregnant last year and i completely fell apart, i was terrified i wouldnt bond with the baby, i thought this as i still found it hard to recognise my own children at times, (my partner and i never live together while i was pregnant so it was really bad for me to deal with). when she came along i found it difficult i was terrified of this child i know i love her to pieces but still find it hard to recognise that i have actually been pregnant and gave birth to her, i dont understand why this happens to me, im finding it so difficult as i still live alone with my now 3 kids ages 14, 8 and 5 months, and constantly suffer with d.p. im just living with this anxiety and putting up with it as i really dont know where to start to accepting it, i try to accept it, then find it hard to believe what normal is as i dont even know what the hell im living at the moment.
    i had a course of cbt which never really helped, i have a social worker which she doesnt really know anything at all about anxiety she just says for me to take medication which i cant as im absolutely terrified of medication because i make myself believe that i go all weird off it, so cant even take a paracetomol for a headache!
    i just feel numb, no feelings or emotions what so ever, i thought if i just carried on everyday, doing things to keep myself occupied then maybe i would gradually start to feel abit more “here” , i suppose im watching myself really, waiting for me to feel something?? i find this a very lonely place to be in right now, i dont have any support really my mum helps me now and again but the rest dont even acknowledge me, i have panic attacks which anything to do with death brings it on, i panic over that something rotten, really frightens me.
    anyway im sorry for babbling just needed to get a few things of my head!

    thanks for reading my story, theres so much more but i think id take up the whole of pauls website lol!!!!

    from clare

  60. No More Anxiety Says:

    Tarmo I think I will do my next post on this subject of confidence and it it grows and comes back. I was the same, trying to please because anxiety shot my self asteem and confidence, now I am stronger and more confident than I ever was before I suffered.

    Clare feel free to get things off your chest, it really helps get rid of a few frustrations, I call it anxiety freestyle : )

  61. Amy Says:

    JR – I can’t believe what your boss said! What a bastard! (Scuse my French!) Sounds like he hasn’t progressed beyond the playground. What a bully! *Fuming on your behalf*

    But, I agree with Tarmo. Stick with the job, but there’s no harm in looking for something else. Honestly, you have the right to work in a supportive environment.

  62. Candie Says:

    Clare trust me i have been ther, your story really sounds simlar to mine.. accept the fact i dont have children.. i have had bad thoughts about my family and my sisters kids.. but believe me they are not real. I have had some recently braught on by stress, a bit of a set back i guess.

    I can completely relate to you on worrying that your gonna harm people in your sleep, i removed all lighters and sharp objects out my room at one point in fear of subcontiously harming people in my sleep.

    It is just adrenaline to begin with, and then we get scared about a thought.. this fuels the anxiety with adrenaline and before we know it we are terrified we have an urge to do something bad etc.. but beleive me it wont happen. Infact if i had kids i would trust them with someone with anxious thoughts 110%.. as i know they wouldnt harm anybody.. lets face it we are good people, who have had stress.. which as built up and caused anxiety… the adrenaline just tricks us by tuning the anxiety into odd obsessive thoughts… thoughts that match how terrified and panicky the adrenaline

  63. Candie Says:

    will carry on as i accidently clicked submit!

    …………………. make us feel. As i have said before, we are not going to have nice thoughts are when the adrenalin prepares our body and mind for something really bad to happen. It never does though.

    I hope you find some peace in that, i know at times it is hard.. but you will get through this. Three years ago you didnt have all the answers, you do now. It is only a matter of time before you are ok again.. enjoying your life and motherhood.

    I have built up a lot of knowledge on these obsessive thoughts, a lot from this website and some from experience.. so if you would ever like to email from time to time then let me know :)

  64. JR Says:

    amy and tarmo…thanks for your responses. anxiety is a crazy thing that really plays with your mind and body. Once i talked to my wife about the situation she was really hurt too…my boss is a nice guy most of the time, but he is just so high strung and moving for this to that, forgetting things and not detailed oriented at all (so i have to correct a lot of the mistakes)…ne ways i’m probably going to stay in the job but am going to start browsing around a little bit. One thought…i’ve had social anxiety for quite some time now and somehow ended up major in communications and now i work in public relations which requires a lot of good communication…something that I’m not very good at, I try real hard to communicate well, but it takes a lot of work sometimes and i feel really exhausted. Is this something that will hinder my progress in recovery?

    clare…I know what you are feeling exactly with regards to the thoughts and looking around and nothing feeling familar. It really killed me inside to look at my wife and not feel anything or sometimes each day it feels like I’m seeing her for the first time. That’s what it’s like with most people and situations. Our minds are just so tired that i guess that our minds kind of just shut down that part. When we understand and truly accept how we feel than it gets better and will disappear in time.

    I’m really grateful for this blog and the people on here. It’s like a little family…who’s your daddy…dat be Paul. haha.

  65. Manuella Says:

    Hello everyone!

    Candie, this post’s for you. I’m following all your posts and I can see a lot of resemblance between our behaviour and acceptance…let me just say: well done! Not only you pass the message across and absorbed really well what Paul meant by “don’t fight to be right”, but you’re also very sweet and supportive with everyone else.

    “Everything’s gonna be allright..lalala ???”

    I love this blog (L)


  66. Manuella Says:

    Ops…sorry! Looks like I got a little problem repeating myself, myself, myself, myself…

  67. No More Anxiety Says:

    Yer nana Manuella, you got a bit excited there did’nt you. Now you caused me loads of work and I have to delete all the extra messages, messages, messages……lol

  68. Candie Says:

    Lol thanks manuella, i just know how hard it can be with obsessive thoughts.. as they really do feel real, and sometimes it can take someone to say your not going mad to make you beleive it! It is silly really as a person going mad, or a person that does bad, evil things is not plagued by guilty obsessive thoughts.. they just do things anyway and dont feel any guilt or remorse! Same goes with thinking your going mad, if you are actually going mad you are not aware of it.. thats why we know we are sane people.. we just have a tired mind and bad nerves!

    Hmmm what is all this nana manuella? aha

  69. No More Anxiety Says:

    I have thought it is just my bodies natural instinct to either run from a situation, or try and neutralise the situation to rid myself of the anxiety(figt or flight)….

    Candie you thought correct with your statement above….

    More later on this.

  70. Peter Says:

    Hi all

    I’m doing much better than I was a few weeks back, feeling much clearer mentally etc. Still getting the odd ‘burst’ of adrenaline when I’m feeling stressed etc! The main thing that’s bugging me at the moment is a feeling of being just a bit ‘flat’, not depressed as such, but just not being able to fully enjoy things etc. Has anybody else experienced this? i suppose it is just another symptom of anxiety which will pass in time and is caused by habit and memeory?

  71. candie Says:

    Ok Paul, even though i am discovering things myself without reassurance from others my mind tends to say yes but what if… My fiances sister used to suffer with these thoughts too, she is ok now though, and she told me when you panic so much it can feel like an urge, but i also know that its just anxiety playing its tricks as i wouldnt be scared of thoughts if i wanted to act on them.

    Your book has helped me get past so many symptoms as it reassures me, i have handled panic attacks really well and dont even see them as an issue.

    It will be interesting to read what you have to say later on about the fight or flight that panic and thoughts can cause….many of us suffer on here with this, it is what held me back actually from trusting my body to recover in its own time. Will look forward to it :)

  72. Shirley D. Says:

    Have been away from the blog for a little while – reading through these posts just makes me realise how extreme some cases are.
    I can relate to the work thing and the ‘odd’ boss, I ran from my situation and ended up regretting it, but it depends, you have to have confidence to retaliate, if you haven’t got that confidence you tend to shy away, I went through a stage (once I returned to the outside world) of being really angry and all those that had erred against me would have had a right tongue lashing if I had met them, then I realised that this was my confidence returning. I am not an angry person so it suprised me to feel such intensity.
    Anyway, starting week four of my new (temporary) job and really looking forward to it. Off the Beta blockers altogether, sleep has returned to a more normal pattern, life has become altogether better, i walk along the road to my job with my head held high. It has turned out to be a godsend in all directions, earning again, within walking distance,not too much stress, a decent amount of hours. I have almost forgotten that anxiety took away 6 months of my normal life.
    All those suffering, please be heartened that given time and the right circumstancesyou will get better, some sooner than others but look positively at it as just a short spell of an uncomfortable time.
    I wouldn’t have got better wihtout Pauls book and finding this website, this has been my lifeline.

  73. Tarmo Says:

    Clare, I know exactly how you feel too. But the hell will remove once you learn to stop worrying. Ain’t easy but very possible! I’ve come so far in less than 6 months and so can you, YOU’RE NO DIFFERENT, don’t you forget that.

    Paul and some others discussed above how distraction is something that anxiety sufferers shouldn’t do. If I understand distraction the same way with you guys I have to say that I’m a bit surprised and I disagree, let me explain.

    When I was at the deepest end with my dp last autumn I was living so heavily inside my own head that nothing else could enter my mind. I couldn’t concentrate on anything and I was constantly monitoring myself. Then I started playing some team-sports with friends once a week- I didn’t really feel like doing it but I felt I needed to do something. It was the first or second time we were playing when I suddenly found myself laughing spontaneously with my friends while I was running after the ball. This moment was something amazing, for the first time in months I had managed to escape the cycle and FORGET ABOUT MYSELF for a short period. Just live without recycling every thought and emotion through my conscious mind. This moment made me realise that I’m the only person standing in my way and preventing myself from feeling free.

    Paul, what do you make of this? Is “moving focus completely to something outside yourself” what you meant about distraction? If so, what’s bad about it? Cheers!

  74. candie Says:

    Tarmo, i think what Paul means by distraction is doing something to avoid the anxiety.. sort of running away from it- Avoidance. This could be say ‘a person racing around cleaning all day, occupying themself constantly,, fearing time to think about being anxious’ = AVOIDANCE!

    What you are doing is a healthy distraction, giving your mind the break it needs… which can be refreshing and this is not avoidance.


  75. No More Anxiety Says:

    Candie is right Tarmo, what you are talking about and what he is talking about are two different things. What you are talking about is a natural distraction, which this whole post is about, going out and living your life and how beneficial it can be to have other things in your day. What he is saying is……….

    When I did the linden method it said to put the book down and don’t open it and if you feel you need reassurance than get busy doing something and distract yourself. While I think that is good to a certain extent it caused me and still causes me to not want to look at Pauls book or the blog to remind myself of what I need to be doing. I have to keep reminding myself that if I seem lost and forget what to do or not do that I need to come back and read.

    Now purposely distracting yourself is running away and avoiding. I have heard he tells you when odd thoughts come or you feel anxious, blast some music out and sing to yourself to distraact yourself. Well this is terrible advice. It is saying you must not let anxiety/thoughts come, you must push them away, rush around and do something else. It is running away and what you are doing is giving these feelings loads of respect and saying is we must not allow them to be there. That is rubbish, let them be there, as that’s all they are a feeling and by allowing them to be there this is how we see them in a different light, it is all about changing your attitude to how you feel. I spent years trying to rid myself of these feelings, worrying about them, trying to push them away, stop them coming at all cost and all I did was sink deeper as I spent my whole day fighting and running away. Nothing changed until the day I allowed myself to feel the way I did and not run around distracting myself and just live my life without spending everyday trying to rid myself of how I felt.

    Hope that clears my views up.


  76. candie Says:

    Ok, so today i am feeling a bit distressed. I supose my ‘adrenalin cup’ just overflowed yesterday, as the strangest thing happened to me.

    I was laid in bed, just about to drift of to sleep when i felt like a buzz sensation in my head. Next thing i know my hearing has gone really dull, and i felt a wave go through my body.. then i was overwhelmed with fear as things seemed dream like, then i got a wave of pins and needles throughout my body. This has happened about 4 times in total since last night, alls i can put it down to is a panic attack! I didnt add any fear to it, i just told myself it is adrenalin.

    I will admit though i was bewildered, as i felt a wave of ‘doom’ like something bad was happening to me, and i was going mad.

    Usually when i have panic attacks they build up slowly, but this one caught me of guard and i have never had feelings of unreality or pins and needles, with loss of hearing.

    I just dont get why this would happen now, i have been far worse anxiety wise and this didnt happen!

  77. Tarmo Says:

    Paul and Candie, yes I understand the difference now, thanks. It makes a lot of sense.

    Candie, I understand new symptoms are very scary and difficult to accept, but please don’t get stuck wondering “why?”. Your body is a bit confused now and it’s behaviour may seem unlogical. The way you describe your reaction to these feelings proves that you’ve understood a lot already!

  78. candie Says:

    I understand Tarmo, but as its new it doesnt stop me thinking the what ifs! I think i felt like this before when i was at my worst, but i didnt pay it much attention because i was too busy stressing over other symptoms.

    Today i have felt in a daze, not with it and my hearing is dull, plus my head feels strange. I was quite upset with it all, as it made me feel like i didnt want to go out as i was scared i freaked out.

    I went to college anyway, it was awful but i know if i put stuff of il start fearing situations.

  79. JR Says:

    Paul thanks for explaining the difference that helps me out a lot. tarmo i follow your postings and Paul Mc because i’ve had dp for awhile now and have had breaks (maybe a minute or two) since reading and following paul’s book. candie i think what paul would say is to accept this and any feeling, sensation or thought that you’re body and mind throws at you. don’t fall back into questioning and just let it ride out…just like paul said when he had a panic attack after he was far down the road of recovery. he just let it be and didn’t fall into old habits. you’re doing great, we believe in you and will be here for you.

  80. No More Anxiety Says:

    Yes Candie JR is right there. You have a far better understanding now, but don’t start seperating each symptom and worrying about them indivdually again, your just going to go down the road of worry and bewilderment and questioning again. You know I had 2 symptoms that really bothered me, scared me even.

    1. My ears just rang and rang at times.

    2. At night when I shut my eyes I felt like I was floating of the bed, this was very weird, it felt like I was floating upwards.

    Both symptoms I thought cannot be anxiety, there too weird. But I kept the faith that they were and just like every other symptom they dissapeared when my anxiety calmed. This taught me to make sure I did not freak or worry however I felt and to just keep on trucking and put all symptoms under the unbrella of anxiety and not be impressed by any of it. You have to remember one thing, with anxiety comes a change in brain chemissty, just like when you drink and this causes some odd sensations, but never be impressed by any of them, just smile and get on with your day. Its hard sometimes in the middle of feeling odd, but its the way forward and the more you do it the easier it gets, it just become automatic. Someone said above that anxiety just does not bother them anymore, this has not come overnight, this has come through them just not being impressed by it time and time again and this new attitude has become them. They may still get symptoms but they just don’t feel important anymore and they are not impressed by them. This was exactly what happened to me, it states in my book that my own recovery came when symptoms just did not bother me anymore. I knew it was then a matter of time before I recovered completely as I had broken the cycle of worry, bewilderment, fighting, trying to work it all out, the very things that kept me in a cycle for all those years.

    Also don’t take too much on, take a break from time to time, don’t try and figure everything out Candie.


  81. candie Says:

    Thanks for your replies and support JR & Paul.

    I have calmed down a bit now, i supose i just thought as i have dealt with the mental symptoms ther is no way i could get worse. But i have come to the conclusion that i have no control what so ever over any of the anxiety symptoms and by worrying and obsessing about them i am giving them control over me… fighting again.

    This was never meant to be straight forward! But i know now each symptom can not hurt me, but accepting them will make me stronger in the long run. All the stressing over this must of really tired my mind out, as i have just awoke from 14 hours of sleep! Lazy me lol

    I think it was me who said earlier that my anxiety didn’t bother me anymore, i felt true acceptance for one day.. then i sort of lost it again lol.
    I know this happens though, and just to experience it for that one day was enough for me to beleive im on the right track.

  82. clare Says:

    heelo everyone, candie i would just like to say thankyou for them words of encouragement, i just cant seem to get online as much as id like to with my baby! suppose she takes my mind of things at times!, i read most of your posts and i can see alot of myself in you, the symptoms you had recently felt i too had them a while ago, but just put it down to panic attacks also, these past few days have been a struggle for me as i feel so low with it all and have cried and cried and cried lol, its proper heartbreaking knowing that we are the only ones who have to get ourselves well and that no-one else can do it for us, its great to have others who are and have been in the same situation. does anyone think if we just start getting bored with the anxiety that it will start to go, we can only dwell on it for a period of time before we are gonna get bored, coz i seem to get bored with alot of things after a while i hope i get bored of this!!!!!!!!!! candie i would really like the offer of emailing you, you seem to be quite wise on this now hopefully i will be able to get where you are now! thanks and thanks for the advice from everyone else, !!!

  83. steph Says:

    hi everyone, your all ok? well i havent had time to read posts as iv just nipped on quick before i tk my lil girl to school. Iv been great for last couple of weeks practically 100% . Iv been sleepin too for good few weeks not even thinkin about it, however! Last couple days iv sort of felt odd..i felt fine last night before bed started to drop off slept for five mins and wham the biggest rush of fear came over me i startde thinkn then imagine if its the no sleepin starting again! my heart was pumpin which i rarley have, i felt like crying callin my mum! my mind started racing and mnd chatter, when i closed my eyes id jump because id see image or thought in my mind! it was absoloutley awful and i dont understand why it happenend as i felt completley normal!! i seriously thought i was goin mad! i havent slept all night and this hasnt happenened since at the very beggining of my axiety, and i feel iv been managing it quite well, so i dont understand how iv gone so far bk when iv been feeling so normal with no reason?? has this happenend suddenley to anyone else with the mind racing and things just out of the blue..thanks for listening. x

  84. steph Says:

    sorry bout quick post before! it sgood to see that some of you are making progress and others are well on the way! i didnt hav time to read post before but iv just read candies post about drifting off to sleep and the wave of doom like she was going mad and it sounds very similar to what i expereinced and it was not pleasant all!! i truly felt like i was going mad i just didnt feel like myself, very strange and dream like too. im more in shock i think as iv been relativley ‘normal’ last few weeks no symptoms really and any iv had hav been shrugged off. ihav just been for a run too and as iv only had about an hour sleep am feeling spaced, i was in the park and a girl walked past whilst i was stretching and looked at me, yet it seemed slower like slowed down, this happens often and sort of looks like people are looking at you slower which makes me more anxious, if u understand?! I also had a few thoughs where i thought id get the compulsion to act them out to, which is awful. I guess im just experencing new and more intense symptoms since last nite, yet i dont understand why as iv been fine totally! i think my episode could have been a panic attack, is this where you have exreme fear of losing it and become slightly hysterical? any anyway iv tried to just shrug it off and carry on my day by goin for jog etc, still keep gettin waves of despair tho! oh well back to the old drawing board,lol!! i guess my fear of lo control is still a fear and when i have this anxiety i believe it yet when im writing this and hear others sharing their experiences i realise im just overreacting! id be grateful if anyone has any tips on where they think im goin wrong or if they have had any similar experiences.. thanks

  85. candie Says:

    Steph, it is just anxiety. Trust me, when it happened to me i felt really strange.. and since iv had a feeling like something bad is going to happen. But thats just adrenalin sending false signals to my brain.

    Dont try and figure it out, anxiety isnt rational in any way. Just because this happened doesn’t mean you havn’t moved forward… its probably because you have been doing so well the adrenalin couldnt find a release elsewhere.. so wham there goes a random panic attack from no where!

    As for the compulsion to act thoughts out, its not real.. its just because of the panic and adrenalin. If you read some of my posts above you will see i asked about that…. it sort of feels like an urge, but its again just a false signal caused by adrenalin to either fight or run.. which can feel like a compulsion.

    Stupid anxiety eh!

  86. Peter Says:

    This is so true Candie, the thing about anxiety not being rational!!

    This is one of the hardest things I’m dealing with at the moment, most of my symptoms have gone except for this feeling of being a bit ‘flat’ and that something bad is going to happen.

    The best thing to do with all of this is to try and get on with your day but it is easier said than done at times! I’m going to get on my bike in a bit and burn off some of that excess adrenaline…..

  87. steph Says:

    Thanks candie, i do know after i hav experienced it that its only anxiety, even when its happenin, but because that thing just come out of blue and was quite strange feeling it jus felt weird! i really didnt feel myself and i think thats what scared me but i kno these are symptoms of dp! i think we have quite a lot of symptoms the same.

  88. candie Says:

    Yea we do, its a releif to have someone with simlar symptoms, because then i know im not going mad and it is just anxiety!

    I cant remember feeling like i had compulsions(urges) to act on thoughts, up until recent months. I think this is because when i had a thought before i would avoid anything to do with it, where as now i am putting myself on the front line and not avoiding the thoughts and fear. Supose its like in Pauls book when someone told him he might get worse before he gets better, well now im not running from these thoughts i have to learn to allow the fear to be here my body will panic more as its not used to me exposing myself to them.

    I was thinking the other day though, we are perfectly sane people; infact more then sane i would say! I supose anxiety gives people more of a consience lol. Bad people such as murderers do really evil things, yet there is no consience to make them panic… release adrenaline and then feel extremely worried about their actions. Bad people just dont feel remorse. With our thoughts comes so much fear and guilt, which is why they bother us so much, hence meaning we are good people!

    Yep, cant you tell i think too much Lol!

  89. Dave Says:

    I totally understand what you’re saying Candie.

    Something else I’ve noticed, is that when I go through very anxious periods, A thought that stays on my mind is whether or not I am a good person. I also try a lot harder to live my life as a good person, and think about all my actions. I do think these lessons carry on into your wellness.

  90. Rick Says:

    Hi Candie, Dave
    Im currently in setback mode although reading these posts has confirmed thats its me getting better. Just the sleep thing is setting me back, im worried that i wont get enough sleep for my job as its very physical. Dave someone once said to me dont regret the things you do, do. Regret the things you dont do. I suppose its like, the past has gone so dont dwell on it we carnt change things that have passed, just consentrate on the future and set goals.
    Thanks for the reassurance

  91. JR Says:

    i have the reoccuring thought of cheating on my partner or that I don’t love her. I had this awhile back and just stopped talking with women as much as possible. I guess I was scared that I would develop feelings for someone else other than her. Sometimes I get flashes of the sexual nature when I’m around women that are friends the more this happens of course I try to fight it, it’s hard been that is the last thing that you would want to do to women. I totally respect women and these thoughts and images are not the real me at all.

  92. hilary Says:

    This is the first time I have done something like this, but would just like to say I have just read Paul’s book which I found helped me a lot. I seem to suffer from everything he has written about in his book, but the worst thing for me I think is the depersonalisation, which can be very frightening. All I can hope is that by reading and re-reading this book I wil be able to let go of these feelings. I have started trying to accept these feelings and hope that I will be able to overcome them.

  93. lisa Says:

    jr,just let them come and go,everyone gets thoughts about the same sex or opposite sex its normal and natural,i bet if you ask anyone they happily married but i can see a fit guy down the street or on tv and think god hes fit.if you were gonna cheat on your partner you would of done,your just aware of them thoughts dont worry about them.we all have fantasys its normal..look at me about ross fit,gorgeous,muscly, i think god i wouldnt kick him out of bed in a hurry, its fine to have them,its fine,normal,natural you just need to tell yourself these things.

  94. Kashawn Says:

    This post I find to be very important. I found that the more I kept myself busy doing normal things (such as homework, reading) the more I felt normal. As Paul mentions, STAYING AT HOME THINKING OF THIS CONDITION DESTROYS US, IT FOOLS US INTO THINKING SOMETHING IS WRONG.
    Staying busy is key.
    Thank you Paul Im getting somewhere with my recovery.

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