Don’t fight to be right!

Firstly I have not dropped off the face of the earth. I have been very busy with other things, including building the forum which is just about ready and I will launch it in a while. I am also trying to get a new site of the ground and build a couple of others, one for a family member and one for a friend. Well things have calmed down a bit, so I will be a round a little more than I have been and here is my latest post. I do try and think of something that will help with what people have been talking about on here and what they struggle with. So here is todays title ‘Don’t fight to be right’

The title sums a lot of people up who suffer with anxiety, even people who don’t know they are doing it. The two things people do when symptoms increase or come out of no where is

1. They fight their symtoms, they may have a mental juggle and try to do something about how they feel, they begin a little battle to make themselves feel right or

2. They run away, this could be when they are in company they begin to babble on or lose eye contact and try and get away from the conversation. Or without company they may try and occupy themselves, sort of take a sideways glance to how they feel, they don’t stand their ground, they begin to run away from how they feel.

I used to wake up feeling awful, loads of symptoms and feel very lost and odd. Straight away I fought to be right. I went over things, tried to make things better. Said things like ‘I must relax’, ‘I must accept these feelings’, ‘I must go with it’. Now yes I should just accept it and Tarmo covered this earlier in the blog. If we go around making these statements all day then it becomes fighting again, I was saying these statements to create instant relief, it should be an attitude. Again I used to say these statements all day until I realised I was fighting again.

Here is what Tarmo said and my response to it in an earlier post.

When “trying to accept” becomes “accept”, even for a very short period, is when everything really starts to come together. It shouldn’t take any effort (because then it becomes trying) but it sure does take a lot of patience! Keep your heads up everyone, it’s all within reach!

Yes Tarmo is right and this is something I am going to add in my book, if you spend all day trying to accept, you end up again trying to do something about it.

It should just be an attitude and trust me it does come in time. You don’t have to go around saying ‘I must accept this thing’ ‘just go with it’, if that phrase helps more, don’t put up any resistance.

O.k if that is confusing let me explain something. When you are at the point of either running away or trying to do something about the way you feel, question it etc….This is a very crucial point as this is the time that if you don’t try and do something about it or run away it will pass, it always does, it will pass of its own accord. I found this out, the point when I was just about to go in to ‘trying to control it’ or run away from the feelings was critical. Let me give you an example. I go back to when I had the battle when waking. One moring I felt more odd and lost then ever, I had never felt symptoms so bad. This time I thought I am not going to fight, do what you want, I stood my ground and did not fight or question it, did not run away from it, it sort of washed over me and then within an hour or so I felt great. The same night I went out with friends and later into the night Wham, I felt odd and awful again, I was again just about to go into the ritual of doing soemthing about it, fight, question, and I thought no ‘Whatever it will pass’ and just got on with what I was doing, yes I felt bad for a while but it did pass and I was begining to learn something here, this part when I felt at my worst was crucial, I needed to stand my ground and not run away from it or fight it. The next day I was at a bar in a pub when I saw someone I knew, the symptoms rose, I felt uncomfortable and this is the point where I always acted and tried to get away as quick as possible, yes I would try and run away from how I felt. Well right at the crucial point, the height of my whole instincts telling me to flee, I did’nt, I thought no more running away. I felt uncomfortable, but the more I stood my ground the better I felt and I got through the conversation and actually started to enjoy it. Can you see the crucial point I am talking about?

This is a post from someone who was doing really well recently and then fell back.

Ok all I’m really struggling at the moment. I really don’t know what happened. I’ve read Paul’s book and couldn’t believe how much sense it made. I kept the book close around in case I would need some help or guidance. I also visit this site to get help and support. This blog is great.

I started feeling a lot better and started having periods (maybe a few minutes and slow I would fade back into the full dp state) where my dp faded and I almost 100%. It felt so great. I guess I started getting busy at work and stopped visiting the website and reading, I guess I thought I knew it all and my anxiety was fading away. But then all of a sudden I started feeling really bad and falling into bad habits. I felt good at work for a few days when I felt good and could talk and goof around with coworkers everything kind of opened up and I started to see the world again and felt like I could connect and have “more like me” comments. Now I’m scared to talk again because I don’t feel like me or I guess the don’t know who I am feeling is causing me to question everything I say. The panicy feelings are back and my heart just runs and I feel so confused on where I went wrong. I want to move forward, but I’m so confused. Also, does anyone constantly look back and analyze how they felt at this time last year or so on? I’m just so hard on myself in my mind and don’t know what to do.

What he has done is have loads of good times and then as will happen, had a setback and has then started to fight to be right, he has questioned everything again. ‘Why was I better and now feel like this’ the crucial points where he felt bad has had him fear everything again, fight, question, he has not been willing to pass through them again. When you have had a period of feeling good it is even harder, we question it even more, we fight to be right even more, we become bewildered. We basically lose the tools that made us feel better in the first place. I keep repeating myself because I really want to get this through to people.

If you care how you feel at any given time then you will begin to fight and quesion it all over again.

IT IS NEVER ABOUT IF YOU FEEL BAD OR NOT, THAT’S NOT IMPORTANT, ITS ABOUT YOUR ATTITUDE TOWARDS IT’.

If you have faith and don’t fight or run away it will pass, trust me it will. You will have bad days and times again, just again trust that it will pass, don’t fall into the trap of fighting or running away from how you feel.

All I did and what I others need to do is break the chain of anxiety. Feel awful, fight and question, feel good and get on with their day, feel bad, fight or run away again….etc..etc..Its like acting in a movie, it will get you so far, but you will not break the chain. I had loads of bad times that I had to not fight, question or run away from before things became easier. But each time gave me more confidence and it began to be automatic, it was my new habit, I did not have to walk around telling myself to do this or that, it just became natural not to fight or question, espcially at the crucial points when I felt at my worst. I had now built up the trust that it would always pass and that it was FINE to feel odd or lost, it did not matter, yes it was not nice, but it always passed and I needed to keep going through these times to reach my goals. When we try to constantly do something about how we fell or question, we are trying to do something about something that is totally normal in the circumstances, this is what I figured. I have anxiety, I have been through so much, I should feel odd at times, anxious, a little lost, why I am I constantly trying to fight this? Let it be and trust in my own body to bring me through.

Hope that helps people in some way.

For more help and advice please visit my main site www.anxietynomore.co.uk

47 Responses to “Don’t fight to be right!”

  1. Chris Says:

    great post! the “what if, so what” approach works well. I have bad days like anyone else, but my main symptom is feeling itchy or the thought it will make me go nuts.

    Anyone else experience this symptom?

  2. steph Says:

    Hi paul, everyone, i think this is a good post. Iv been having a bad time the last couple of days, previous to feeling really fine. I guess the thing that makes me dwell when i have a setback is the awful low feeling i get which is quite new. Does anyone experience feelings of really low mood where you just cant be bothered, your movements/actions seem slower, feeling of emptiness and whats the point?? Sorry to put everyone on a downer, these feelings do bother me, therefore i mustnt be fully accepting! When i have high anxiety i dont like the feeling at all but i sort of tell myself it could be worse and its a feeling thatl pass, yet with the low feeling it does scare me as it gives me feeling of not caring about things, then i have thoughts of suicide and the mere word sends chills down my spine, its obviously just a thought though as the thought scares me! What im trying to say is where am i going wrong is it because this feeling is scaring me and i really dont like it? The thing is i find it hard sometime to not care about that feeling so much, is this normal? im really at wits end with this and i have tried to accept. I hope i dont come across as ignorant about accepting, as i visit the site and blog often. I would appreciate any advice please on any of the things mentioned, also tips on how to not let the dreaded low mood bother us?

    Also paul, i would really appreciate any advice you have got, on maybe how you coped with the low mood, i know you mention some things above but if its not too much trouble maybe point out where im going wrong. I know at times i might seem impaitent for recovery, but i have been jus getting on with it, but as im a single mum i worry how my moods n anxiety will affect my daughter, i have an awful fear sometimes that i will sink into a deep depression and worry about my daughters welfare. Yet when i feel more strong i sort of know that wont happen, id just like to know did you ever experience these or anyone else for that matter. Thanks for listening, hope everyoe is good, and sorry for rambling!

  3. Amy Says:

    Hi Steph,

    No worries about rambling! I do it all the time. 😉 It sounds like you’re right where I am at the moment. And, as I’ve been here a few times before, I can assure you that it will, as Paul says, pass. Last couple of days I’ve started to fight again, probably because as I had been feeling better I lost momentum with this acceptance thing.

    Anyway, this low mood. I completely empathise (I just cried over the Ood in Doctor Who for God’s sake!!) . I like to think of it as another symptom of anxiety. It’s part and parcel of the same thing. And you know that you can deal with that! Practical tips: What you can do is act happy. Your mood will follow – trust me. Put on some loud music and dance round the room like a loon! And remember, everyone does get low from time to time. It’s ‘normal’, and nothing to be scared of. I don’t know about you but I have a tendency to over-analyse and talk myself into a downward spiral. And when I notice that I’m feeling miserable, grumpy and demotivated I take it as a sign that I’m sinking into a terrible depression from which I’ll never recover, when in reality it’s just an off day. So, let’s make a pact from this moment forward to just float through it and trust that it will, as Paul says, pass. :)

  4. Rick Says:

    hi steph , amy
    seems like we need the sun to come out again. lol. just a note on the low mood. I used to be ”down” all the time until you get the smallest ”normality” feeling back. its weird but that smallest of thoughts gets me motivated. The other day i was flicking through you tube and watched the Paul Potts audition. An a wave of emotion came to me that i hadnt felt in ages. I just ball’ed my eyes out. Ok im not normally like this but it felt so much better afterwards. Paul Potts didnt give in when he could have just burried his head in the sand… and the odd were stacked against him…. we will recover just stay positive. Take strenth from the good days an ignor the bad.

  5. steph Says:

    Hey amy, thanks for replying. Its good to know that im not alone on this, even though i dont want anyone else to feel like i do!! I also lost momentum, it can be hard at times especially when you have a few stresses at once. I like you also tell myself that this is all part of anxiety, yet i also fear sinkin into depression because of the outcomes?! daft i know and if i think about it fearing depression or going mad is an anxiety in itself! I also do the same as you, as soon as i start to feela new symptom or become low i over analyse and talk myself into worry and misery hence the low mood i suppose! Ha i have been partial to a bit of loony dancing and singing at the top of my voice when can feel myself slipping (even that word,urrgh!). Thanks so much for your support and i will join that pact with you!! take care x

    Rick, also thank you for taking the time to listen and give your point of view. I def agree about the sun coming out!! also who is paul potts again is that the guy who won britains got tallent? thanks rick. take care x

  6. Rick Says:

    yes he is….

  7. lisa Says:

    hi everyone, hi steph read your bit about worrying about your kids i think all of us have those thoughts as a parent when especially when we have anxiety but remember there just thoughts let them go hope you dont mind me saying i used to have them but i just used to say hello u and carry on with what i was doing it does take practise and they get fed up of coming, i wanted to ask anyone even paul if there anxiety was starting to go but then missed it and brought it back but then got mad because it came back i know it sounds strange but when we hav had it so long its strange not being there i no its a habit and annoying. when y feel low steph if you hav any nice holiday pictures of you and your daughter look through them the nice memories come in which lift you, everyones mood is up and down its just we dont notice until we hav anxiety but its ok to feel how we do i think this site is fantastic well done paul for creating it. when you suffer with anxiety we think no one else is but after reading so many comments on here and positive advice were all strong positive people without realising but you do start to realise how strong we really are.

  8. candie Says:

    Seems like this was a much needed post from Paul! I had two weeks of the nearest to normality i have felt in a long while, i had a few anxcious moments and obsessive thoughts but not once did i question them or try to reason with them- i find if i try to convince myself the oposite of what a thought is it sticks and i tend to obsess.

    Luckily i prepared myself for the day when i felt bad again, today outa no where i started obsessing at the fact i may not love my fiance… at first i argued against the thought, which yes made it worse! Then i simply gave in and remembered i dont have to fight this no more. At the time i didnt realise i was fighting it, but i feel i am doing really well as if id of had this setback before id of cried, felt like there was no hope for me, and sunk into self pitty. Its awful when its a thought about love or feelings as its hard to differentiate whats real and what isnt! It has passed now though, and i havn’t let the anxiety attack drag me down the anxiety slope again!

    It is a reality check when i read some of the experiences people have on here, it really makes me see that i am not the worst case of anxiety in the world, infact very far from it. I have seen days followed by weeks of normality, im just glad i found help before i got worse.

  9. candie Says:

    I totally agree with you on ‘missing’ the anxiety when its gone. I dont mean i want it to come back, i just mean its a strange feeling when its gone. I remember thinking after a couple of anxiety free weeks that surely it wasnt suposed to be this easy, and that i shouldnt feel so good so soon.

    People may think i am mad for putting that, but when ya feel so awful and think ya may never get better, then there is hope… and gradually confidence and feelings of normality come back it can be overwelming!

  10. lisa Says:

    thanks candie my feelings of normality my gift of the gab i call it are back and can feel my confidence growing stronger every day it just feels so weird after so long but a good weird..lol.i was looking for it thinking this doesnt feel right as though something was missing , you no when youv a ring on your finger and you take the ring off but when you put ya ring on its ok thats how i was feeling with my anxiety a few weeks ago but now this week iv started to think its ok to feel like this and just get on but it still feels weird. what we like hehe…

  11. Amy Says:

    Re, missing the anxiety – so true! I was talking to a friend about this the other day. She felt she defined herself as an anxious person. And I’ve realised that I do the same thing. So, after a couple of weeks of feeling a good, a little voice starts whispering ‘remember you’re an anxious person’ in my ear, and I can so easily slip back to square one. Especially when it comes out of the blue and catches me off guard (relaxed and unprepared).

    This evening I’ve cried lots and begun to feel better. And I’ve started to make a list of all my strengths, as an exercise in boosting my self-esteem, which I feel is key to my anxiety (and low moods). Problem is I feel desperately lonely at the moment, which isn’t helping. :(

  12. lisa Says:

    keep y chin up amy it does get better well done on finding all your strenghts also crying is good it releases tension, glad someone else feels the same about missing the anxiety i was worried to say incase everyone thought “what”??? but glad others feel it. feeling lonely is just a feeling so get out dont sit in its a shame we all cant meet up for a night out few ciders for paul too..lol..ask a friend for a night out or join a night class go for a swim with someone anything like that if you have good friends im sure they will, plus making that step increases your confidence and thats another strength to add to your list and the good positive list i bet will out weigh the negative one. hope iv been some help. i no im on late but biidding on ebay and iv just won.

  13. Amy Says:

    Thanks Lisa. I need to remember that I have a loving family and great friends who value me. And sorry all for being on such a downer yesterday! Feel more positive today. Think it’s just the combination of rubbish weather and raging hormones making me feel low. And as I can’t do a thing about either, I’ve just got to accept them. 😉

    Actually it’s the accepting thing that I’m having a problem with, which is a shame given all the progress I had made. Half of me wants to give in to self pity and the other half wants to fight. I can’t seem to find my way back to that middle road at the moment. But, having re-read Paul’s post I know I need to just go with it. So, that’s what I’ll be doing today. :)

  14. steph Says:

    morning everyone, i also understand the missing anxiety, i dont miss it though at all!! but its like an overwhelming feeling? Just wanted to say to amy, i hope your feeling better today, and i empathise with the lonliness. Even though im a mum, my little girl is only 4 and when i feel anxious its hard to connect with her even though i am going about my days as normal as possible i have to pretend to be ‘ok’. I dread the weekends sometimes as ill have all this free time with my daughter and if i feel anxious the simple things like keeping my daughter occupied seems really daunting! this really saddens me as i should be looking forward to spending time with her. And overall i do feel incredibly lonely een though im with her all the time! I agree with lisa try and get out with adult company as often as you can. i also battle with low self esteem, which also makes me believe because of my anxiety i wont meet anyone else ever!! I hope iv helped a little. thanks

  15. lisa Says:

    morning steph you will meet somebody just say hello to them kind of thoughts , try going swimming with your little girl if she cant swim teach her that will make you feel good build up your self esteem and give your liitle girl confidence at the same time. if there isnt a pool near you go for a bike ride with her if you can or a girlie lunch as least your not stuck in the house its scary but the more you do it the easier it becomes until you just dont give it a thought. me and my sister do a lunch even if its a sandwich once a week it gives you something to look forward to as well, make cakes or a pizza it can be fun hope iv helped a little thanks.

  16. Beth Says:

    Does anyone else notice this? As soon as I accept a symptom and it is starting to be less noticeable, I seem to develop another symptom to focus on. Very frustrating! It’s like I’m making progress and my subconscious mind finds something else to throw at me.

  17. Manuella Says:

    Hello girls (and Rick),

    About the missing anxiety bit, I can totally understand the feeling…my best days are always bothered by the “hey, you are a anxiety sufferer, enjoy while you can”…argh! 😛
    Awesome post, Paul, makes sense as always. I tend to to the whole “have to accept” mantra sometimes, but most of the times I understand what I’m doing wrong and just let it go…
    Those last days were very stressful for me, a good friend of mine said she’s having panic episodes and that made me feel awful. I guess my whole life I always felt the obligation to help everyone with their battles and thought that didn’t affect me. Turns out that it does affect and is probably one of the causes of my anxiety ..does anyone feels the same way? For me is very hard to say no to a friend of family member but their problems and issues are a bit too much at the moment. I don’t want to sound selfish and don’t want to hide from them, but also, don’t feel like saving the world…:)

    xxx

    Manuella

  18. steph Says:

    hey thanks lisa for advice and i am going to start greeting these thoughts with a hello! its nice to know people understand where im coming from…

    Manuella, i can really understand where youre coming from as my dad suffers anxiety and dpression, my mum also sometimes and sis has slioght problems at the min! And it really gets to me, i feel i want to avoid calling my dad, even if hes not suffering at that time just the mere thought of him moping round the house sets me off, hes not workde for a while and i know hed be better if he was, however i feel like i have to worry about him getting a job so he feels better, then i can relax and concentrat on myself! Same with my mum and sis, i feel if theyre not happy and content and everythings near perfect! that i cant be happy either. i,like yourself find it hard to say no to family and freinds, im always trying to solve thir problems of worrying about them, ill even lose sleep over them! so your not on your own manuella! Id like to be able to not be that bothered to tell you truth, i dont think you sound selfish, but i know how you feel because i often feel the same. I just tell myself its becuse im such a caring person! hope this helped x

  19. samantha Says:

    hi all

    sleep is getting better for me , paul your book is really good and helped me a lot however you dont really go into depression and how you felt and coped with it , i noticed that a lot of anxiety sufferers then go on to develop depression your experiences i am sure would help those very people.

    if there is one thing i can recommend is any book by claire weekes

    samantha xx
    keep going everyone x

  20. No More Anxiety Says:

    Samantha I try and fill the book with different subjects and you can’t cover everything also if you cover too much you can end up confusing matters, I try to cover the most important points in detail. Depression is a seperate condition that people without anxiety suffer from, so its not just an anxiety related condition.

    I dealt with it by just carrying on and believing that I would come through, not being depressed because I was depressed, if that makes sense. When my anxiety lifted then so did the depression, it is covered a little in the book, but there is not too much I can say about it to be honest.

    Paul

  21. candie Says:

    Its so good to know we can come here and comfort eachother, i know we talk about experiences but we tend to keep it positive unlike some of the other forums where people speak of just wanting this awful thing to go away. I supose we arn’t as desperate as we have the answer to our problems, we just need to ride them out and put into practice everything we have learnt from Paul.

    I can completely relate to taking on other peoples problems and wanting our family and friends to be happy. I think im too caring at times, a lot of my friends and family appreciate it and would do anything for me too; however a select few just take take take… with my new confidence i decided to put an end to the bad relationships. I’m not saying we should cut out everyone who ofloads their problems on us, just the ones that take advantage of our illness. Like one of my ex best friends, who tried it on with my fiance, i went mad and cut contact with her, made friends again later and she had the nerve to say ” so candie, do you think you over reacted when we fell out due to your anxiety illness”- They are the friends we can do without eh, and i am doing very well without her!

  22. lisa Says:

    i did mean to say steph say hello to the thoughts then let them go dont battle with them there not important dont give up it does take time i do have another saying but cant really print it but you”l no what i mean whatever works best for you, hope everyone having a good day the sun is shining here i bet its nice n hotter where manuella is ..lol.. candie they also say you know who your true friends are when you go through this and its true good for you girl!!!!!

  23. Leanne Says:

    Hi Everyone,

    Things for me physcial symptom wise is so much better, but (and there’s always a but) I live on my own and I DREAD the weekends. I really thrive on distraction so I always throw myself into cleaning etc but I really wish I could just “be”. Like slob about like I used to, but if I’m not distracted then I stress out. I would like to meet someone too as my friends all seem to be settled down and the ones that aren’t have a knack of just throwing themselves into loads of great activities. I’m thinking of joining that My single friend website!
    In other news I have my first gig back from Anxiety Avenue on thursday (I do comedy) and I’m exceptionally nervous!

  24. No More Anxiety Says:

    Where are you Leanne on Thursday? I know you will be fine, you are bound to be a little nervous, but when you get into it your natural instincts will kick and you will enjoy it and probably be very proud of yourself. On the distraction thingymebob . I know what you mean, I had this to where I felt I could not relax and sit still. It is just the extra adrenalin flying around, it will calm in time. If you just slob and let the feelings be there without running away from them, things will get easier.

    By the way you showed some interest in the forum, it will be ready tomorrow, I am just changing the theme to give it a better look. I have some friends from other forums I have met in the past joining up, so it will hopefully be a good, happy place to be. Hope to see you there.

    Paul

  25. Leanne Says:

    Yes I’ll be there for definite.
    Its in Hammersmith and I’m MCing which is much fun! I have a friend coming with me to offer support so all should be well I hope!

  26. JoeyLowtown Says:

    Hey guys. Firstly I can relate to being scared of committing suicide. I felt and still sometimes feel this way. I think rather than actual clinical depression or actually being suicidal, its just another scary thought that lingers round.

    Im mostly on the up I think, moved into a new apartment with a couple of guys (didnt knwo them beforehand) in a very nice area of Liverpool, so thats cool. Went to a christening yesterday and goy blind drunk, like 15 pints or something, VERY SILLY. Been feeling down today cos of it, which is unsurprising. Had all tingly hands and stuff and been thinking im gonna drop dead cos of the beer haha. It was a V good day though! Work wasnt much fun today, trying to wire houses when ya shaking like a leaf with a hangover, not good! Treatin myself to a day off fishing tomorrow.

    In the flat alone tonight, gf is dancin, flatmates at work or out, prob watch corrie then go to bed. Chin up everyone. Trust in yourselves, your body, your life and in PAUL. It does get better! I hit big time panic this mornin and had flashbacks of my worse, but I knew what it was, and tackled it accordingly, proof of the pudding! Wish it worked for hangovers! Been pure twitching today, dunno if its beer or anxiety, PROB BOTH!

  27. Peter Says:

    Like JoeyLowtown I’ve also had similar thoughts and initially found them very disturbing. Most of the time nowadays if I get them I can take a step back and just smile at them, knowing that I would never do such a thing but of course it’s when you’re feeling at your lowest that these thoughts tend to appear and stick in your mind!

    I’ve improved an awful lot over the last few weeks thanks to Paul’s book and reading these posts. Most of my symptoms are a lot better, but I was wondering whether other people get a feeling of tension/apprehension as if something bad is going to happen but you can’t put your finger on it? I find this rather disturbing in itself but I suppose it’s just another anxiety ‘symptom’ that will fade in time!

  28. No More Anxiety Says:

    Peter that feeling you are talking about is very common and something I also had, its just the shadow of anxiety hanging over you. Its just habit and memory and it does pass in time, just again accept this feeling and pay it little respect. I had the same and paid it no mind and it passed in time. So yes your right its just anxiety playing its tricks, but trust me just keep going in through it and it will pass. I always say don’t split symptoms up as something to manage seperately, just go with it all.

    Paul

  29. lisa Says:

    hi paul can you relate to the feeling iv mentioned about missing the anxiety at all and if so how did you break the habit its so annoying, iv nothing to be anxious about but the anxiety remains then goes then i feel lost other kind people on here have mentioned the same feeling. just wondered if you can help. hope the forum plans are going well were all looking forward to it.

  30. No More Anxiety Says:

    O.k I take it you mean this post Lisa.

    I totally agree with you on ‘missing’ the anxiety when its gone. I dont mean i want it to come back, i just mean its a strange feeling when its gone. I remember thinking after a couple of anxiety free weeks that surely it wasnt suposed to be this easy, and that i shouldnt feel so good so soon.

    People may think i am mad for putting that, but when ya feel so awful and think ya may never get better, then there is hope… and gradually confidence and feelings of normality come back it can be overwelming!

    Hi Lisa, I know I say it often, but yes I sort of had this feeling. Within anxiety and my D.P I felt awful but a lot of emotions had shut down and you can feel safe at times. When it begins to go you can feel lost, it has been part of you for so long and you also start feeling emotions again. I put it down to someone being in prison for a long time and when they come out they feel strange and have resposibilitys again and have to make decisions, the real world feels odd and strange as they have got so used to their surroundings and routine. Its all the habit of not having all this and it feeling strange. So really what i am trying to say is it feels strange to feel normal as feeling anxiety for so long feels normal. In time it feels normal to feel normal again, its just a transition period.

    Hope that helps Lisa.

    The forum is ready and a post will be going up tomorrow, just a couple of tweaks and it is ready to join.

    Paul

  31. lisa Says:

    thanks paul it does help i know im nearly there now which is great after 6 years it just feels so weird to be feeling so good but strange. iv read your blogs for so long and always thought when iv read other peoples suffering id love to reply but never did but glad i did and hopefully it does help. looking forward to your post tomorrow its nice to know its going to be a happy positive place, hope everyone doing ok and keep positive, good luck leanne tomorrow and i love the anxiety avenue you used let us all know how you get on.

  32. Leanne D Says:

    Thanks Lisa, I love it here. I told my friend of it tonight and as I explained it I became paranoid that it may sound like I’m in some sort of anxious group but she was so happy that I’m feeling better which makes me feel so glad I’ve found this site!. Every day life gets better -I kept a diary and its hard to read some of my crazy thoughts from previous times and also to see some of my irrational plans. I also thought about death – but wishing I could do something which wouldn’t hurt my parents. I know its irrational but aren’t they all.
    You lot are GREAT.
    Anyway – I’ll let you know how it goes thursday – deep breath! X

  33. lee Says:

    hey guys, was just a quick post, i too even though my anxiety is subsiding gradually i still wake up in the night feeling lost and anxious when im half asleep as soon as i wake up properly it fades because i know this happens with anxiety. went out the other night had a really good night down the local, next day i had a hangover was totally fine untill 2pm or so when walking over to the shop from my work i just got an overwhelming feeling that something was gonna happen my arms legs and hands went numb and i had this feeling almost as if it was akward to just put one foot in front of the other, i sat myself down and told myself its just a panic attack due to the alcohol and gradually it subsided. one day i wont panic after a drink! wil beat it done it before and will do it again!

    cheers lee

  34. Raven Says:

    i been told that i have anxiety, i was put in the er for chest pain, later told it was anxiety related, as well havingg very low hdl levels. does anyone face stay red with anxiiety ? my face and chest stays flush all the time. my blood pressure 120/70 —-130/85 it goes up/down i been told i dont have blood pressure problems. i feel blank all the time like i cant think, when i sleep it like my mind goes 100 mile hour at same time i hear everything around me. ,
    i have alot numness in my face that comes anf goes ..can anyone tell me if they had any of this with anxiety its makes me feel like im going crazy. any help would be grateful.

  35. Paul McG Says:

    Hi Raven ,
    you’ll probably have to keep up with the more recent posts , for your questions to be answered , you will get plenty of help and advice on here . firstly you are not going crazy , everyone on here , has been exactly there , all you need to do , is navigate thro this site and educate yourself as to why you feel like you do , its the understanding of your symptoms that will , set you on the right track , visit the site regularly , and tell me if you dont feel alittle better
    Hope this helps for now
    Paul Mc

  36. Fergal Says:

    Hey Everyone

    I cannot believe I have only just found this website now, I thought I had visited every site online that there is. How is this website not more popular? I can already relate to so much of what I have read here already that it actually amazes me, especially what Leanne said about dreading the weekends, I am the exact same, I actually stay at work as late as I can during the week because I dread going home, makes me feel so much better already, its amazing what anxiety will make you believe. Cannot wait to get Paul’s book now..

  37. No More Anxiety Says:

    Fergal the site is very popular, maybe you just missed it. Although only 3 years old it is the most hit upon site in the U.K…Thanks for popping by and i am sure the book will really help you.

    Paul

  38. Fergal Says:

    Thanks Paul – I can honestly say I already relate to your story a lot more than anyone elses’s I’ve read, I have tried the linden method and panic away and while I dont doubt they are good, I couldnt apply the methods myself. I am actually currently seeing a hypnotherapist which is very expensive and not getting me anywhere and I will be cancelling that this week. Very excited about receiving your book. Your blog called ‘Dont Fight to be Right’ is brilliant, I have been doing this so much lately, even after just reading this I felt so much better. I have been going through hell for over a year now, feeling shattered, depressed, angry, no self esteem and no confidence. I see very clearly now that my anxiety is causing all this. My family were starting to get very annoyed with me for not seeing a counsellor which only made me feel worse but I knew it was not the answer. I feel very confident now that I will recover with the knowledge in your book Paul, I also love your website, simple, to the point, and absolutely spot on. Many Thanks and hope to talk to you again.

    Fergal

  39. No More Anxiety Says:

    Thanks for that Fergal, As long as I help people move forward in the right way, that’s all I ask, I do hope you enjoy the book and it helps you.

  40. Tom McGurk Says:

    Hi everyone. its been nearly 3 weeks since my last post and those weeks have been hellish. But im still here!!! i am however very depressed because of the return of my anxiety and its like turning the clock back 7 years to when i was first ill. i have myself convinced there is something wrong with my heart – that has always been my obsession, even though i have had tests with my gp and in hospital and my gp assures me i have a very strong heart. i cant lose this feeling and these thoughts. i keep thinking i will just have this heart attack at any time. meaning i am constantly afraid and anxious. and the symptoms i experience all they do is confirm my feeling – pains in my chest, racing heart, dry mouth, sweating, pins and needles and tingling, in my arms, hands and even in my teeth. these freak me out so much. i try to remember that i felt of all of this almost every day for the entire 7 years ive been ill, until just before christmas when i thought i was cured!!! but i cannot get much reassurance at present. life is not enjoyable, but i am getting help. i am back on my meds as well and need to give them time to get into my system – this will then lift my mood out of this depression and then i can start dealing with my anxiety again. at the moment it is just hour by hour never mind day by day.

    wanted to ask, how do you guys keep your focus when going through bad times like this? any advice gratefully received.

  41. Jules Says:

    I had a break through this week after reading Paul’s blog and it was like it was written for me. The anxiety came back in a wave last Sunday and i’ve been fighting and not and fighting and not. It got to the point when I thought I couldn’t do it, I can’t accept this thing, these sensations and feelings and I felt so low and trapped. I thought a tight muscle in my leg was causing the anxiety (irrational, I know). And when I was able to see it for what it was, a tight muscle, I then saw that I was anxious, and getting anxious about being anxious! So the trick is don’t get wound up about being anxious cos you’l get more anxious! I felt great for a day or two just being anxious and being ok.
    Today has been heavy, really dp and feeling this numbness and so forgetful, heart racing!. Just taking things a day a a time. I’m not in the same ‘i’m ok space’ but not freaking either…i’m practicing!
    It helped me so much, Pauls approach and reading advice and tips from other people on here. Very grateful to all to have this website to read.
    So thankyou.

  42. Paul McG Says:

    Hi Tom ,, I dont think we have chatted before so i dont recall , any of your posts , the heart symptoms ? you’ve had it checked out with your gp , and its all clear !!!! well all of the symptoms you’ve mentioned are also feelings or sensations we can experience with having anxiety , I also attended hospital and the doctors for brain scans , because of depersonalisation , but in the end its all anxiety related ! You have placed that negative worry in your head and your mind is not letting go of it !
    WHAT YOU THINK
    AND WHAT YOU FEEL
    AND WHAT MANIFESTS
    IS ALWAYS A MATCH !
    If you can make sense of that then you will realise that if you constantly think there is something wrong with your heart then you will convince yourself there is , no matter what ! They are only thoughts , you need to realise that ! This is not reality ! You just need to let the thoughts be there , not act on them , in time they will become less powefull that way , thats the only way forward , trust me , i have been there ! You need to navigate through the site and book again , and refresh your mind , as to how things really are and not how you perceive them to be !!

    Paul Mc

  43. Leanne D Says:

    Tom, I fully understand your heart concerns. my heart did pretty much what yours is doing & I was convinced all was wrong. I know exactley what you are going through, I even carry asprin round in case I have a heart attack. Please don’t be scared, every single symptom you describe I have been through too and of course I still have my doubts and like you been to my GP and cardiologist. But as soon as I stopped worrying my symptoms went away. I was absolutely obsessed with pains, and pins and needles in my left side – but when I stopped worrying they disappeared. I also get tingling in my bottom lip – and Its when I am stressing out. I have learnt to link it. Also pains in chest and racing heart and heart flutters.

    One thing I did to help myself is CUT OUT ALL CAFFINE and if you haven’t done that I would recommend this to you so very much. Also, I stopped smoking (not sure f you do) this has also helped ALOT. I also am TRYING to quite the alchol but this is proving hard as its one of the only times I feel normal.
    The last couple of days I have felt uncomfortable but I am taking the rough with the smooth. Life isn’t easy and things do stress you out – but just remember you are not alone.

  44. No More Anxiety Says:

    Below are Candies words…..

    I will try again! This is the 4th time i have tried to word this but i just dont know where to start.

    I think today i have finally let go of the battle, i know now it is not one that can be won. It is no longer important to rid myself of the anxiety.

    When i have bad thoughts or feel anxious it just doesnt matter to me anymore to rid myself of them. I dont feel the need to repeat sayings in my head ’such as i accept this’… hoping that if i beleived it enough this awful thing would go away.

    I cant explain it so i wont try, but i am positive i have finally let go of the battle and found peace regardless of the fact i still have anxiety. Before each day was a struggle, wondering when this awful feeling would go away.. now i couldnt care less if it takes months or years and i trually mean that.

    I 100% know and beleive this thing will pass now, in its own time when my body has recovered… anxiety may have filled the past few years with fear, but the future is mine now and i am not going to spend a single day worrying if it is going to be ther or not.

    I think striving for acceptance can become a battle in itself, as soon as i let go and started to live anyway with this thing beside me .. the acceptance came to me.

    That’s exactly it Candie, don’t fight to get rid of it and a very good point, you don’t have to keep saying statements like ‘I have to accept this’ any statement you have to try and make it go away will not work as you don’t feel intant peace you go onto somthing else, then get dissapointed, bewildered etc..etc…acceptance is an attitude and yes it comes to you, you don’t have to keep saying statements over and over. In fact I will leave your wording above as I could not have put it better myself. Everything to me came as a revalation….’Ahhh I get it now’ you just had one of those moments and put it into writing perfect.

    And as you say certain things are hard to put into words, so everyone understands, this is why I say them in different ways as people do relate to the same message put in a different way.

    Paul

  45. candie Says:

    That was a real eye opener for me, that moment of acceptance, it only lasted about a day but the more times i come through, the more revaltions i get the moment of acceptance will last longer and longer.. i just know it. I arn’t worried that it has disapeared, as i know it can come and go.. and that set backs do occur.

    This was a big acheivement for me, just to have that day and honestly not give a damn about this thing was enough for me to know i am on the right path.

  46. Kashawn Says:

    Awesome post!!!!

  47. vinci Says:

    Paul, I want to say that your book really helped me in understanding anxiety better. One thing that I’ve noticed lately though is that whenever I let go, even if I feel myself better, afterwards, when I think better, I have this strange feeling that maybe I let myself to go too much? I have the feeling as if maybe I am not that much in control. When I am anxious, strangely I feel that I am in control and I have a good perspective over myself. But when I think I am not anxious, then I begin to wonder if it won’t be better to have more control over myself? Or is it the anxiety playing its tricks again, by making me turn my attention over myself again? Thanks for your help again! This site is great and I am sure very helpful for lots of people, me included!

Leave a Reply

*