A Blog set up for Anxiety Sufferers

Hello everyone, the title is just something that has cropped up a lot recently and I wanted to cover. Before I do a few words. Firstly I am going away for a week in a month, just a holiday and Candie will be moderating the blog for me while I am away and maybe helping beyond that. All comments are moderated, as I don’t want mixed messages coming through or people promoting their useless affiliate products on here, which they keep trying. I also want people to be helpful and supportive, which is very easy to moderate as we have a very nice bunch of people on here. Candie also takes the time out to answer a lot of people and is very helpful and someone I trust a lot, so thanks for helping me Candie.

Secondly I am starting some voulantry work next month. Its on hospital radio and two evenings a week. I think most or each hospital do it. You get to chat with patients, ask what they want played and learn all about how to work in the studio and eventually get your own slot. It is something I am very interested in and can’t wait to get started.

O.k todays post came from a post on the blog, which went something like ‘How do I get rid of this thing’ The ‘thing’ being anxiety. I must admit when I first suffered I did know know what the hell was up with me and just thought it would pass like a cold. Well obviously it did not and then I started to worry and obsess about it, especially when everywhere I turned nobody was giving me any answers. So a lot of people do believe they have been unlucky and question why did anxiety come to them.

Well anxiety does not chose certain people, it is not something that you just get like a cold. Anxiety is the result of your body being over worked, be it through long hours, stress at worrk, a problem or collection of them that you worry about. You over work your body and it breaks down, your nerves have been battered so much. that they go ‘bad’ if you like. Anything you buy, be it a blender, a vacuum and yes even a car. If you work that beyond its capabilitys it will break down or begin to clunk and run bad. Your body is the same, so anxiety is not a ‘it’, it is not something your body wants to go through, it is telling you it can’t work with the pressure you are putting it under. That is why it is so important to take your symptoms with a pinch of salt, not to get stressed or worry about them, as again you are working your body far too hard, a body that is crying out to be left alone. The easiest way to not worry or get stressed about how you feel is to understand more about why you feeli like you do and this is the reason I try to explain a lot in my book and on here.

Some people say they feel instantly better when they have read the book or a post on here. I say yes because you understand why now, it does not scare you as much, so you worry less and don’t get as stressed by the way you feel. The more of an understanding I received, ‘most of it I had to work out by myself, pre internet days’ the better I felt and the less respect I gave to my symptoms. I had the same symptoms for a while and that point is important, as a lot of people hope they will feel better overnight. But they did not hold the same fear anymore and obviously changing the daily habit of worry and obsessing how I felt helped me to recover, it gave space for me to progress. How could I ever get better while I still worried daily and stressed everyday about how I felt, ‘trying to fight and think my way better’, it was impossible, but something most people do without the right information, scrambling around daily for answers, worrying and stressing about how they feel, watching months go by without any progress, wondering if this hell will ever leave them. That person was me also and would still be me to this day if I had not educated myself enough.

I hope there is something there for everyone

For more help and advice visit www.anxietynomore.co.uk

Firstly just a few words from me. I am working on my book at the moment as things are in the pipeline to help it reach out to more people (more if this delvops later)  so I want it to be as good as it can be and I always keep a document named ‘Book updates’ and one of the most helpful places to have new ideas is by what people ask or write on this blog. If something comes up time and time again then it needs covering. I also had an idea of a new chapter that would be from people who post here/email me on how much progress they have made or their full recovery. I always say the more people that have stories of their own recovery, that others can relate to the better. In my own search all those years ago I had a massive interest in reading about anyone that had come through and I think this new chapter will really benefit people. It will not only be that they have come through or improved dramatically, but what really helped them to do this.

Anyway I am halfway through doing this and this is the reason I have not being around to post much recently. So thanks to all those who have replied to others as I have noticed one or two new posters recently so welcome. Most people like to just read and stay in the background without posting and that’s fine. But to all those that do post and help and support others ‘A big thank you’ as it helps keep the blog going with me only having limited time to put into it and through the emails I receive I know how much this blog helps others and without the people who do post and support it would not be what it is.

O.k on to todays post

The title above is nothing new, but I wanted to add a conversation I had with someone recently as it may relate to a lot of people and help them understand better as to why they do stay in the cycle, which always helps to reverse it. Many regular posters and readers may have come to this conclusion with things I have said in the past, but we get so many new visitors each day that I really wanted to add it.

O.k I was talking with someone the other day about his anxiety and how it came about. He said at the time that he was put under a lot of pressure at work and one or two things in his home life were also a factor, although he could not really remember what. He said I have cut my hours down, the other problems no longer exist, so why do I still feel like this?

I said that just like me when I first suffered; that you now have a new problem and this is the problem that is keeping your anxiety going. To which he replied ‘What new problem’?

I replied ‘Anxiety’ These feelings have become your new problem and this is the reason you stay in the cycle. I further explained that he may have worried about his job, the problems at home initially, with which he agreed. Right o.k you put your body under too much stress and worry and it sort of broke down and you ended up with anxiety. Now what you are doing is worrying and stressing about how you feel and this is the reason the anxiety stays around, it has a new worry to feed on.

I did exactly the same, in fact my initial problem did not matter, this anxiety was far bigger than what brought it on. I worried daily about it, fought it, tried everything to make the damn thing go away. How could I ever recover putting this much stress and worry on myself. I could not.

He said ‘I really understand what your saying here and I realise that I am doing all of the above and why I am getting nowhere’

So I told him you cannot hope to banish these feelings, so why not live with them the best you can. If you decide to do this then you will not add anymore fuel to the fire. You will begin to break a cycle. Anxiety is like a fire that you throw petrol on. It wont stop until you take away its fuel. It may burn for a while, but it will began to dampen if you stop feeding it. I did the opposite for 10 years and it got me nowhere, I understand fully now why I got worse and not better. If my body would speak it would have said ‘Paul just leave me alone and I will heal myself’.

O.k that’s me for today, I hope people can relate to that conversation and it helps in some way.

For more help with anxiety visit www.anxietynomore.co.uk

I thought long and hard about my next post, as I think I have covered a lot recently about having a ‘whatever’ attitude to how you feel and so many people have this concept, and reading through so many have improved a lot. I have like a diary of my own suffering and how I got through each stage, so I have plenty more to say and do take on board what people post and do think ‘I remeber that stage’ or ‘I remember when I struggled with that’ and try to cover such comments or posts the best I can.

Todays topic certain people will relate to and it was certainly something I went through that held me back. When I first suffered with anxiety, I really had no clue what was wrong with me and in time my confidence really plummeted. Well we all know what people with little confidence have a habit of doing and that is ‘People pleasing’ not only that, but we try and cover up how we are feeling, still trying to be the jolly person with loads of confidence when inside we feel lost and bewildered.

I remember going to work and just trying to please everyone. My confidence was so low, I felt that everyone was better than me, I had suffered from depression and wanted to make myself feel good and wrongly thought that trying to please people would do this. I stopped having opinions and just agreed with everyone, which is the quickest way for your confidence to plummet even furthur. I used to get frustrated as to where the old me had gone and try and cover up how I was feeling, acting through the whole day, ‘I must not let people see how I am’ , ‘I must come across as normal and happy’ The stress of this had me breakdown in tears one day. I could no longer keep this act up. I was sick of trying to make people like me, which in turn had the opposite effect I am sure, as people lose respect for someone who has no opinions and just agrees with what everyone is saying, it certainly made me lose even more confidence in myself.

So one day I thought ‘No more’ I am not acting my way through the day, if people notice I am not myself, if I come across as odd then so be it, I am not acting that everything is o.k anymore. So many people email me and say this hurts them more than anything. Losing who they are. I say ‘Don’t chase your own tail trying to scramble your way back to who you were or act that everything is o.k, this will only put yourself under more stress’.

I also said to myself, ‘However I feel I am no longer trying to please people. However I feel I am going to have an opinion, this anxiety is just a surface feeling, I am still me underneath and that confidence will come back in time, but not if I lose who I am underneath and I have never gone around trying to please people in the past and anxiety will not lead me down that path’.

So from that day if I came across as odd then so be it, I had stopped acting that everything is o.k, if people spoke about me not being the person I used to be, quiet, more withdrawn, not as chirpy, then water off a ducks back, the real me will rise again in time. Also from that day on, the people pleasing stopped, I no longer ‘Tried to make people like me to help me feel better, this was having the opposite effect, it just made me feel worse anyway’. From that day on the stress of trying to be something I wasnt and not have to act anymore was lifted from me. I felt more at ease and in time when I was free of anxiety, I was more confident than ever. The real me had risen again like I knew it would, it was always there, but it came back stronger than ever.

So if you can realte to any of the above I would like you to do the same. I hated trying to please others, I knew that acting my way through the day made me feel worse and like everything else. I always recognised this and tried to change it. These changes made so much difference to me in the short and long term. Never forget however you feel, that person is still there, just waiting to rise back up, more confident than ever.

Just to finish, so many people who recover say how much more confident they feel, also how they view life differently, they lose their lust for material things and just enjoy living again. They no longer take the simple things for granted and love just waking up in a morning and doing the simple things, that person was also me.

I hope todays post helps in some way and that everyone had a great bank holiday.

Paul

Hi everyone!

Firstly thank you Jo for sending the pics to me to post. I have re-sized them all and put a border round them, so I hope you like them. They are really lovely and great to see something positive. I hope you and Michael have many years of happiness and I wish you all the best for the future.

Also I commend you for letting me post the pics, a lot of people like to stay in the background, due to people’s ignorance on the subject, so I applaud you for that. As I said if anyone else would like some pics posted on this page then feel free to send them to me. I am training for a half marathon which I am a long way off doing yet, but as soon as I do, I will post the pics.

So for anyone who would like to see Jo’s wedding pics, here they are www.anxietynomore.co.uk/members_pics.html

Paul

I decided to write this post today after reading through a lot of posts recently. Firstly I want to say something again that was stated in an earlier post, some may have missed it so here it is, in a post. I think certain people get hung up with accepting how they are, this should be a whatever attitude and NOT a need to keep reminding yourself to accept how you feel as you once again start battling with yourself and again becomes a ‘Do’. I think someone mentioned it in the last post to the effect where they had to keep reminding themself to accept how they were. There is no need to do this and as some people may know it loses its force in time. Accpeting is all about not doing ‘Not fighting, not worrying, not filling yourself with self pity. Giving your body a break, its never a ‘Do’, so please don’t feel the need to walk around telling yourself daily you must accept this. I put it more as laying all your tools down and accepting this is you for the time being and not resisting or spending every day trying to get better. I really hope that makes sense.

Secondly through some posts I have seen people worry about the future with statements like ’Will I be better soon? . ‘I worry about going to….?’ ‘What if there is more wrong with me?’ etc…etc…Firstly please try just for a week or so deal with today, don’t worry about the past and don’t worry about the future. Just deal with today, how much extra stress and worry do people put on themselves doing this. If you just live in today then it takes so much of this away. Especially in people who suffer with anxiety as people worry far more and put such a dark cloud on the tomorrow/next week.  Minor issues become far bigger than they really are and we get into a cycle of anxiety/worrying, more worry, more anxiety, anxiety and more worrying, at some point this cycle has to change. So just live for today and then take what comes tommorrow. 

I once explained to someone who was in the same situation as another person, that the only reason she felt dreadful is that she worried about the situation and the other person realised there was no point. I learnt early on how destructive worrying was and yes it had become a habit for me, but again it was one I was able to change.

Paul

Well here is the post I promised. I do read almost every post on here as I have to moderate the blog by myself. But I do take on board what people are saying and then adjust my next post accordingly. I can’t post every week, otherwise it would dilute the quality and I would mostly end up repeating myself. The best way to know what to post, is by what people are saying as a collective bunch. I know some ask for specific posts, but I have to do it for everyone and I felt todays post would help the majority.

Todays post is more on my recovery and the journey towards my goal of living anxiety free. Firstly maybe I should not say goal, it was more a dream as at the height of my suffering as I saw no way out, I truly did not. I thought this was me forever, nothing was working, in fact I was getting worse. The first stage for me was not a visit to the doctor, he was only concerned with giving me pills. My first rung on the ladder was to find out why I felt like I did, a pill would never do this, I wanted answers. Eventually through research and reading and eventually finding someone who understood the subject, I found a lot of these answers. Just to have an explanation and to realise that I was not alone, was enough for me to change a cycle. A cycle of self pity, complete bewilderment and constant worry and fear of what was wrong with me. This is the very reason I was so bad, so lost and felt so terrible. My mind and body was about as tired and emotionally spent as it could be and all I did was worry, fight and pound it with questions daily, no wonder I was getting worse, but what choice did I have, when I had no answers? I felt I had to work it out for myself, to fight it and hope it went away. I look back at the hole I was in and get angry that I did not find the answers sooner, that no one could tell me anything. This would have saved so much suffering. I lost my job and many friends, more than that I lost who I was.

So the first stage was understanding, once I had the knowledge I could slow down on the worry, not be so bewildered, realise that I needed to step back and give my mind and body a rest and not fight through each day. Yes I still felt awful, my body was so sensitised and tired, but for once I felt some relief and hope. Understanding is always the first step, this is why in my book I don’t just say do this or do that, I explain why you feel like you do, what keeps you in this cycle. Many people email me after reading the pages on my site or reading the book and burst into tears with relief that they have finally been given some answers and also a realisation that they are not alone. They have finally been given an explanation to why they feel like they do, they have the first stage to recovery.

So I now had plenty of knowledge to what was wrong with me. I then believed I could get better, I never lost this belief once I had some answers. The next stage for me was working out what was right for me and what was not, a lot through trial and error and once one thing made sense then other things would also. I realised very early on that I had fallen into a lot of bad habits. Avoidence being one of them and that hiding away was not the way forward and that I would no longer be bluffed by how I was feeling. I knew that normal living would eventually bring back normal feelings. I remember the first thing I did was join a thai class. I must have put off going 10 times in the week before I went. The thought of going into a room of strangers, feeling dreadful, anxious, panicky, strange, all the symptoms I felt at the time. But I could either hide away or take the first step to a new start. So I went and yes I felt awful at times, but something happened, I got into the class and for a minute or two forgot about how I felt and just got on. I finished the class and went home elated. I had floated past all the negative suggestions not to go. This is what happens, in a healthy body anxiety means fight or flight, it is telling you that you are in danger, take your choice. It could be a snarling dog that you meet and the option to avoid is a good one. This is where all the feelings of avoidence come from. Well going to a thai class there is nothing to fear, no need to run, apart from your instinct brought on by anxiety, that is not needed in that situation. This was why I knew I had to ignore the instinct to avoid, I had to just go and take what comes, what was the worst thing that could happen anyway? So I then began to go everywhere at will. I went socialising with friends, feeling awful and strange. I remember going swimming and feeling as though I was not there, thinking, that’s fine the more I do it the more normal I will feel. Once you do things time and time again then feelings dampen, your body does not react to certain situations anymore, once you go through certain situations many times you build up a strength, an insulation if you like, places just don’t hold any fear anymore.

So this was my second stage of recovery. Begining to live my life again, without anxiety ruling what I did and the decisions I made. This was very important to me and in time I felt so much more comfortable wherever I went. I always dealt with me and not the situation I was in, if I felt awful then so be it, if I felt great even better. I sometimes felt overwhelmed in the early stages and wanted to run or go home and take the easy route out, but I never did and this is where the real victorys came. I did it, I felt really awful, overwhelmed and I stayed, I know now I can handle anything now, it was just a feeling, this is what these times brought to me.

To sum up I would have bad weeks, good weeks, great days out, days when I felt awful, but I did everything at will and never let anxiety rule what I did and did not do, this made so much difference to my life. I am not saying it is easy at times, but I knew how important it was. To feel more normal I had to pack as much normal living in as possible.

The next stage for me was to then to do positive things in my life. I was at this point where a lot are on the blog with how I felt. I felt o.k, but had bad days and still did not feel great. I was though no longer fighting or worrying, questioning everything, tiring my body out. I was just left with a tired and sensitised body, so yes I would still feel crap sometimes, but I felt 1000% better than I once had. I had gone from having no good days to plenty. From feeling so odd I questioned if I lived on this planet, to feeling more normal than I had felt in ages. Depersonalisation has been covered on here many times, but I had stopped concerning and worring daily about how I felt, which in turn dampen these feelings of strangeness and I once again felt part of the world again and not just 24/7 anxiety. I had also began to get out an socialise, I went back to work and was again able to live my life. I may not have felt great all the time, but at least I could go wherever I wanted, I had reversed the avoidence cycle. You can see now that this has been a journey and that takes me onto this stage of doing more positive things.

I then joined a friend running each night, just a 50 minute run. When I first went I felt awful, so tired and spent, but no pain no gain, I wanted to get fit and bring something to be proud of into my life, again another focus but me. I cannot express how much better I felt when I came back from these runs. I felt great, excercise is by far the best way of burning off excess adrenalin and not only that it really helped me think straight, I could think so clearly when I got back that I had another realisation, it was anxiety and excess adrenalin that made my thoughts race and come out odd. As I have explained before it is the excess adrenalin needing an escape and this manifests itself sometimes in odd, racing thoughts.

I was now so into this that I took up cycling. I used to go with a group of friends and cycle all over my local county, sometimes for miles. I now had something else in my day, instead of thinking about how I felt, I was planning my next bike ride or run. I was aiming to do a half marathon also and had so much going on that my whole life and focus was changing. I hardly cared about the few twinges of anxiety, the very slight feeling of strangeness, they became just a feeling in the background that really did not bother me. The exercise and looking after myself brought them to such a level that I hardly bothered or noticed, my days had another meaning to them now.

I did eventually give up the running and cycling and have recently just got back into it. But I was just about recovered then, recovery was never my goal, it just came to me. I think people reach out too much for it and end feeling dissapointed. I first ran because I thought, hey I will feel great when I get back and I would almost tune in to see how I felt, feeling dissapointed if I did not. I then realised I was again trying to do something about my anxiety, putting pressure on myself to feel a certain way. So I changed my attitude and ran for me, to get fit and if it helped me feel better then great. This attitude helped me so much as I ran and forgot myself, not running and then thinking about how much it would help me, again reverting back to trying to recover from anxiety, I had to let that come to me and stop focusing everything I did on this goal. I hope that makes sense and I would say that realisation was my final stage to recovery and the person I am now. You don’t have to go running and I understand it is impossible for certain people, but it was as much a new focus, as the excercise that helped me so much. So doing anything new, even if it is painting at home. My own attention was on myself for a while, but this was just habit and would fade in time, when I first went running and cycling this was the case, but it was fine I did not let it bother me just carried on with what I was doing and in time my new focus was my new hobbys I had brought into my day. This has been asked many times ‘How do I stop thinking of me and how I feel’ the answer is you don’t, brooding at home does not help and the reason I say find a new hobby and focus to your day. But thinking about yourself has just become a habit that’s all. Don’t try not to think about yourself, if the attention is on you let it be, but don’t get frustrated with it. I had it for a while but in time it dampened when I gave it no respect. As I say I had other things to bother with and not myself, to be honest I got bored with the subject in the end. I had really developed a ‘whatever’ attitude, it had become in built in me, I no longer cared.

To finish I will say some people will relate to all of the above, some to parts of it, we are all different and I had a few stages to go through as I suffered so long and fell so deep. It is a lot easier to recover the shorter time you have suffered, memory and habits are not so raw and people may not be as sensitised. I have had many people email and after reading the book they are back to normal within a few weeks, but in almost all cases they have suffered a very short time, they unlike me were given answers very early on. If you have suffered longer, then it may take longer, but just go for progress, don’t put loads of pressure on yourself to recover, this holds so many people back. You also have a lot more information than I ever had, you have the support from others, that I so craved, but never received. As you see I went through a lot of bad times, to become the person I am now, did things I did not feel like doing at times. I used to lie in bed wanting and wishing it all away, but I knew deep down this would not happen, certain things were up to me.

I hope there is something above for everyone.  It is not a full account by any means, just a brief account highlighting the most important stages of my recovery and how I came through them. I am not saying everyone will go through the stages I did, but I felt I needed to go through the stages, so people don’t feel they are missing something and that it was easy for me, it was a very up and down affair, but so worth it to be the person I now am. My life is so different now and everyday is a gift and that gift is there for everyone who keeps the faith. Anxiety and the symptoms that go with it are just feelings, never see it as anything else, it will only hold you back if you let it.

Paul

For more help and advice visit my main site www.anxietynomore.co.uk

I don’t know if people remember but last year Channel 4 asked me to help them find people for a T.V show about teenagers with anxiety. Well the B.B.C have asked me to help them find people who maybe interested in appearing on T.V dealing with food phobias and anxiety and also aksed me to appear. I have no interest as I have said in the past and like to stay in the background. But I did say I would post on here in case anyone would like to appear or think it may help. Instead of going through the ins and outs I will just post one of the later emails that was sent to me. When copying and pasting the message below, the font or layout may change so apologies for that.

Hi Paul

Thanks very much for your message.

I’d be very grateful if you could have a think of any psychologists or
psychotherapists who might be suitable to appear on TV. Perhaps there
are speakers who’ve stood out at mental health conferences, or authors
you’re aware of who might translate well to TV. The most important thing
is that they have the personality to engage TV viewers, they don’t need
to be clinical psychologists.

Also, if you do know of any sufferers, who  haven’t had any treatment
yet, we’d very much like to speak to them.They need to be in the early
stages of finding help - as the TV series introduces new psychological
insights and therapies to them.

The show specifically helps people with a restrictive and unbalanced
diet,  who  obsess about certain foods they must eat,  or  are  fearful
of certain foods  they must avoid. Here is the BBC link showing previous
case studies: http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0090y2h

The experts offer techniques to reduce anxiety levels and introduce
exposure/ desensitising exercises over a 1 month period. This aims to
help individuals get on their way to helping themselves -   improving
both their emotional wellbeing and physical health. In turn, viewers at
home, who may be suffering in silence,  realise that they are not alone,
and that there are steps that can be taken to break the vicious cycle.

As we’ve seen by the previous successes in the first two series of the
show, individuals benefit from intensive, one to one, life-changing
support from a nutritionist and a psychologist. Past participants have
since contacted us saying how grateful they are for the help, and as a
result, are continuing to cope well. Participants also find taking part
in a TV programme a great deal of fun and a once in a lifetime,
memorable opportunity!

Obviously the title ‘Freaky Eaters’ is worded in a way just to ‘grab’
viewers’ initial attention.  Content in the last two series was received
well in nutritional and psychological circles, due to the experts
successfully  helping  people. In the next series we are also looking to
give even more time to psychological analysis and scientific /
nutritional information and we are very open to ideas.

It is a  great opportunity for experts to lift their professional
profile by appearing on an educational BBC series.

Please feel free to contact me on ***************** I’ve also attached a
flyer we are distributing in our search for participants with food
issues.

Best wishes
Em

If that would interest anyone then just email Emma at em.marshall@betty.co.uk

Just a few words from myself. I am just finishing a new site completely seperate to this subject and the reason I have not been around much. I have also just bought a bike and took up running again and am as fit as I have been for a while and really feeling the benefits. I know I have said it before but exercise as well as the new hobby it brings is very beneficial to anyone with anxiety. It burns off a lot of excess adrenalin, clears the cobwebs and with the fresh air and new focus to your day I can’t promote it enough. Sometimes its the last thing we feel like doing when we feel lousy, but it is well worth it for the rewards it brings.

I will post something new next week, glad to see everyone communicating and helping each other.

Take care

Paul

Hi Everyone, Well I have just got back from a weekend away. I went to Chester and visited the zoo in the rain. Well I think I saw about 3 animals, there was just nothing there at all. They must have been hiding away or on strike but it was a very dissapointing day. i then went into Chester city centre looking to but some cords to go out in and not one shop stocked them, it was just jeans, jeans, jeans. Why do shops think all men want to wear is jeans! Well that’s what I have been up to recently. I am also nursing a bit of a hangover today, not like me to drink too much, but I do have those days and always understand the day after why I try to keep them to a minimum.

Well todays post is a comment that someone put up to an earlier post. I liked her comment and the way she put things and asked if I could maybe use it as a post with a few words of my own so that everyone got to read it, she was very happy to do this, so here it is.

I have just read Beths post from 7th May and have to say I totally agree with her. I started suffering from anxiety and panic attacks only about 3 months ago and reading up on the subject and this website have helped me more or less totally overcome them….

Because as Beth quite righlty said, all that we are doing is tuning into our over active imagination - which has probably always been there and popped various thoughts into our mind - but in the past we’ve always ignored them. It’s as if once you have suffered from anxiety you listen to every negative thought and then question why its there and why it won’t go away - when if we just ignore it, it actually does goes away.

I think what i’m trying to say to give some help and support to people (I want you all to know that whilst I have only suffered for what may seem a short period of time - it was the most fightening time of my life) is to try not to over analyse everything, question every thought, or worry what’s wrong with you. There is actually nothing wrong with any of us - we’re all human and naturally experience thoughts, feelings, moods…..just accept them and try not to question then as being weird - its normal.

Sometimes we spend too long thinking about these intagible feelings, instead of focusing on the external positive things in our life that will help us to ignore the ‘random’ negative emotions which will naturally pop up from time to time.

Maybe that’s why I managed to overcome my fears and feel back to normal?

I hope I haven’t come across as patronising or belittling anything anyone feels or us going through - believe me, I understand. It’s just reading some posts started to make me feel like I was helpling myself go back to the place I was in and I wanted to offer something positive which helped me and my battle.

Imogen xx

Well I thought Imogen put that very well there. I know there has been the odd post on people doing really well recently and others may think ‘When is it my turn?’ The only point I would like to make on that is that the less time you have suffered, the easier it is to come through. I had 10 years of suffering behind me and did not expect things to turn around overnight and it took a while for me to get to the point I am now. So no matter how long you feel you have suffered, just think how far you have come. This is the only thing you need to know you are on the right track. But don’t get impatient and as Imogen says start to question everything. Lets all the negatives go and focus on the positives. I always looked at it like this ‘Look how far I have come’ instead of ‘I want to be 100% better’ , ‘I now have good days instead of feeling bad all the time’ again instead of  ’Why do I still feel awful sometimes’.

Focus on the positives and take comfort in the fact that people are posting that have now recovered or come so far. Don’t look at is as a ‘Why not me’ Never let impatience be your jailer, I never even thought of recovery or demanded it, I was just happy that things were changing for the better.

Paul

Well this post was changed from another subject to this as it seems to be a hot topic at the moment and I am going to be very honest about depersonalisation here and try and help people who are still bewildered by it. I will hold nothing back and tell my whole story and the truth behind it.

Firstly lets just refresh ourselves with Depersonalisation and why we have it.

Lets start by saying that D.P is not just an anxiety symptom. I have read a hell of a lot on the subject and people who have been to war can suffer. People who have lost a love one can suffer temporary from it. People who had something happen to them early in their life, that really hurt or shocked them can suffer bouts of D.P. Many people who don’t suffer from anxiety have D.P, although I would say anxiety would be the main reason. So lets go back to person who went to war and saw things that shocked him and he would rather forget. D.P is his bodies way of shutting down these memorys and feelings, to block them out and protect him. Of course these are isolated cases, but they do happen and I have read of a few cases. The second where someone may have lost a loved one, have you ever seen that blank look, as though they are not really listening, they are somewhere else. Again a few people who have lost loved ones can have temporary D.P. It is again the bodies way of protecting them from all the hurt and worry and just like anxiety sufferers they may begin to think very deeply. Once the hurt and pain weakens, they tend to become their old selves again and the D.P leaves them. The D.P is not needed to protect them from all the hurt and pain anymore. The last one where someone may have had something happen to them earlier in their life. Again they may get bouts of D.P to surpress these memories, to shut out the hurt.

Now lets move on to anxiety and why people suffer with D.P, and why it is only natural that you will. I had anxiety for about two years before I had any symptoms of D.P. I showed no symptoms at all, until how I felt bothered me more and more. I was been moved from one doctor to another and nothing was working. This was about the time I thought I will have to figure it out for myself. So I worried daily about how I felt, spent 12 hours a day trying to figure a way out of this mess, spent my whole day feeling sorry for myself, on the verge of tears at every waking moment. Day after day this went on, until one day I went home and as I was stroking my dog I felt as though I was not really there, my vision seemed blurred and I had no idea what was happening. What happened that day is my body said enough is enough, I cannot take this worry and deep thinking anymore and to protect me, and you, I have to shut your emotions down. And it did, I could feel no emotions, no happiness, no joy, the whole world went grey and lifeless and I seemed to become a walking shell. Of course it makes sense to me now that my body was protecting me. But what happened then is I began to worry about this new symptom, tried to figure not only the anxiety but this new sensation of feeling lost and empty. What was happening to me? I was more bewildered than ever. I spent my time now getting worse, I really had entered the cycle that would pull me in deeper. If I had known or been taught about D.P before I suffered then I would have known the reason why it was happening and would not have wasted years trying to figure it out or worrying about it daily, sinking deeper and deeper into the condition.

You see that is why people with anxiety devolp D.P, it is all the worrying and deep thinking about the intial anxiety that brings on the D.P. There is no more explaining needed to be done and this is the reason why. You are not unique and it just shows how popular this subject is and how many people who suffer with anxiety go on to develop D.P.  It is the number one thing talked about on here and I receive more emails about it than any other symptom.

So how did I come through my own D.P?

Well before I give a list of things that saw me through, I want to say to everyone and be honest……

It did take a while, there are no quick fixes.

D.P left me when it realised that it was no longer needed. When would this be? When I stopped the deep thinking (trying to figure it all out) When I stopped the daily worrying and feeling sorry for myself. While I was in this cycle, nothing was going to change, it makes total sense that while I did worry and obsess, then my body would carry on protecting me, more worry, more need to protect. Only when this was reversed would it ease. Now a lot of habits had built up and yes worrying and obsessing had become a habit, but I allowed this habit to be there, but I added no more worry and stopped trying to figure it all out daily, what would be would be. The attention was on me for a while and D.P was still very strong, but I decided and I mean from the pit of my stomach to live with this for the time being and question it NO MORE, pay it NO MIND. Not do this for a week and think ‘Oh it has not gone I must try and fix it’ or start questioning it all over again ‘Oh should I do something about it, its still there, what if its something else’ or feel sorry for myself ‘Oh I hate this, why wont it go away’ All this stopped and I TRULY accepted this feeling and understood that it was my bodies way of protecting me and I had no control over it, so it was better just to get on with my life. This is what a lot of people do, they accept it for a week or so and then become frustrted with it again or begin to question it all over again, they have never really accepted this feeling, more just put up with it. I never even thought about recovery, I just gave up and stopped worrying or fighting, questioning the feeling anymore and recovery came to me. I always say that, don’t go searching for recovery, your body will bring it to you, if you step out of the way and let it.

Here is a list of other things that really help me and I would always advise with D.P

Excercise

This is a great way of clearing the cobwebs, burning off ecess adrenalin, giving you another focus to your day, if you go running outdoors, having a dose of nature. I found this very beneficial.

Keeping away from forums and studying the subject daily.

I run this blog as I think it is great for support and the odd bit of advice. I don’t like forums, as people on there tend to wallow in the subject, drown themselves in it, trying to find that miracle answer. They end up mostly feeling worse and the subject just becomes their day. I took breaks from the subject all the time and stopped doing the google search daily. I knew to begin to feel like my old self I had to pack in as much normal living as possible. Doing normal things makes you feel part of the outside world again. I always tried to live as normal life as possible and never let how I feel stop me. Not always easy, but I am so glad I did as normallity seemed to overwrite my years of sufffering in time.

Stop obsessing and worrying, trust in yourself.

Pay this feeling no mind and this means truly just get on with your day however you feel. You are not going crazy and this feeling will go when your body feels it is no longer needed. No matter how long you have suffered with this feeling, it will pass and does no long term harm at all. Trust in what I say and trust in your own bodies natural healing system. I keep saying it, but I was worse than most who come on here. My D.P was so bad I could not hold a conversation and I came through. I don’t have one symptom now, my mind can feel a little tired at times, but I have no symptoms of D.P at all and trust me EVERYONE’S body is the same and reacts the same. I can only give advice, I cannot make people follow it and that’s the sad thing. People do believe they have something else and go down the worry cycle again, people do believe their must be a quick fix somewhere and begin to go on their merry search again. Someone once emailed me and said ‘I have read your book but my D.P is still there’ I mean did they read the same book that told them it would take time? No, again they wanted the quick answer, the miracle cure that does not exist.

I hope the above helps people and really do and try and take it on board.

For more information and advice visit my main site www.anxietynomore.co.uk

O.k here is todays post as promised. Firstly I want to express how much setbacks are all part of recovery. Again there will never be a post saying ‘How to make sure you don’t have a setback’ You almost certainly will, the post is to tell you how to deal with them.

Setbacks for me were the hardest things to work out

 ’I thought I had cracked it, why do I feel so bad again?’

‘Oh I hate this feeling, I thought it had gone forever’

‘Last week was so good and now I am back to square one, this will be me forever’

These were just a few of the statements that I came out with when I first started to recover. What did these statements do? Well they filled me with self pity, filled me with thoughts of ‘maybe I am doing something wrong, this is not working’, I began to fight again, to try and figure out why this had happened, worried about ever getting better. I did everything wrong basically.

I eventually changed this way of thinking and said’ I have been through so much, do I really expect to be better overnight?’ No of course I am going to have a few setbacks. I felt bloody awful for months on end, with no good days, this up and down affair tells me things are improving, I am finally getting somewhere’. And that’s the hardest part, feeling great and then when we feel bad again, it seems even worse, as we enjoyed some good days and now its back.

Setbacks come because suffering is still raw, we have suffered and been through so much, our bodies do take time to regain their balance, a stressful event or memory can trigger a setback. Sometimes we may just feel bad for no reason. Well we feel happy some days and sad on others, but don’t feel the need to work out why. And this brings me to the whole point, there is no need to go too deep into why they come, as it does not matter, that is not important, its how you deal with them that is.

And trust me the more you go through setbacks, the easier it becomes as you begin to realise they always pass and become an expert in letting them, they don’t feel as important when they come in the future. They just become a little nusiance and that’s fine. Don’t ever try and scramble your way back to how you were last week, just accept it as part of recovery, another chance to not care, to let it do its worse. Here is something Clare mentioned last week.

My only concern is that I never want to go back to the way I was a few months ago and I’m trying to make some changes in my life to solve that, like more exercise, eating better, relaxing more and talking about things rather than bottle them up. But unfortunately life deals you some knocks every so often and I’d like to think I could handle these knocks and not crumble with anxiety like I have done in the past. Thanks to your book Paul I have more confidence to get through the bad times but I’d like to know if there were any changes you made to help you keep a positive outlook in life and not let stress get on top of you.

The changes Clare are very good, I can’t express how much making changes to my lifestyle made a difference. But do them for yourself, don’t do them with the attitude of keeping anxiety at bay, as then if you do have a setback you will begin to question everything again and also don’t live your life trying to keep anxiety at bay. Remember it is always’It does not matter how I feel, if I feel anxiety then so be it’ Do you see the difference. I actually welcomed a setback, I stopped caring how I felt so it was not an issue. I did all the ‘Must do everything to stop it coming’ This is why people go around searching for medical cures, therapists, internet searches, forums…All to stop it coming or to get rid of it. And this is the reason most of the time they get nowhere, as the opposite is true, allow it to be there, welcome it, don’t care if it is or not and this goes for setbacks. It is hard and very tempting to fight or try and push it away ‘Do something about it’ but it gets you nowhere.

My attitude and what I teach others is welcome the good days and don’t get too down about the bad. Don’t try and scramble back to how you were. Don’t waste an ounce of energy on why you feel bad again, it passes, it always does. But setbacks can pass a lot quicker depending on your attitude towards them and then come with less force in the future. I once helped a lady who used to get very frustrated about having bad days out of the blue. With some advice she emailed me and said her new attitude on a bad days was ‘Well my anxiety is high today, but so what’ she knew she could not control it, so she might as well get on with her day and not care even though the feelings were not too good. She still disliked the feelings, but she had stopped getting so frustrated, stopped the self pity, the need to figure out why and her setback did not seem as bad.

I hope the above helps, I am not asking you to like a setback, just try and change your attitude towards them, they do come less frequent and with less power in time, just remember that they are part of recovery, they always pass, so don’t let them get you down or pay them too much respect. Tomorrow could be the best day yet.

Paul